MATT: Hello, everyone. (laughter) MATT: And welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play the first game of our new campaign of Dungeons and Dragons. (cheering) MATT: Super excited to be back. I’ve missed this a lot. Missed this– oh, you guys will be fine. So yes. Glad you guys can join us, apparently in some crazy numbers. So welcome new viewers. Hope you enjoy your stay. So, without further ado, let’s get this going so we can get through our announcements. Since it is our first episode of the year, of the campaign, I want to make sure that we get our announcements out of the way. We’ve got some cool stuff to talk about. First and foremost, we have two sponsors tonight. Our first sponsor– and we’re going into, for a time, a cool partnership with the folks at DnD Beyond, actually. They’ve been really awesome, and we’ve been talking, and anybody who hasn’t seen it, it’s an online digital tool where you can create your own D&D character, they have options to purchase any of the current D&D books out there, and then carry over any of the character options and racial options over into it, so you can basically use it as a tool. We’ll be using it to help us out in the game as we go, ‘cause it’s actually got some pretty cool stuff. So excited about that. It is D-N-D Beyond, by the way, if you haven’t seen, not the ampersand. It’s D-N-D. LAURA: As in nnnn. MATT: Nnnn. But yeah, so they’re going to be a long-term partner for the show, so working with us through the start of this campaign. We’re super excited. But yeah. So we’re excited. You can currently activate– it should be now– some Critical Role content on there. They should have available the Blood Hunter class that I created a couple of years ago, kind of refining. Should be available for you guys to find on the DnD Beyond, which I’m excited about, and there’s a one-time discount of $10 off any digital book in the dndbeyond.com marketplace if you use the codeword ‘beginnings’ in there right now. So yeah, get a chance to check it out. TRAVIS: (vomiting noises) Would you like some? MATT: So yeah. I’m super excited to have that, guys. So you apply that code at checkout to make that happen, in case you’re confused and trying to get it to work. There’s a bunch of stuff to explore on there, and a bunch of cool ways to incorporate the existing breadth of D&D lore and options in there, and now you have some of our stuff in there as well, and hopefully more Critical Role content and Tal'Dorei content and Exandria content down the road to also be available on there as we go. Super excited about that. I’d like to thank you guys at DnD Beyond for being awesome. We also have our second sponsor. Sam, if you want to take it away. SAM: I’m our second sponsor. (laughter) LAURA: Thanks, Sam! SAM: No. Welcome, new viewers. Every week– or many weeks, I am charged with writing the ad for the sponsor of that week. I did this one way back in mid-December, so it’ll feel a little stale. (laughter) SAM: Sorry. I didn’t have time to write a new one. Apologies to our sponsor. But our second sponsor tonight is Backblaze. They offer unlimited cloud backup for Macs and PCs. You can restore from the web or via hard drive. They’ll even overnight FedEx a drive to you, and because it’s Christmas season, I wrote this. ‘Twas the night before Critmas when I clicked on my mouse, but the drive wasn’t whirring; it had said 'Adi-ouse’. When up from the cloud there arose such a sight, I knew in a flash that my shit was all right. As I spat out my plate of cold chicken kiev, down my chimney came a weird little elf named Lev. I said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, how’d you get in my place?” Lev gave me a wink and punched me in the face. And suddenly he fired up a pipe and started to restore my computer from a backup he carted. My documents, like slash fiction from My Little Pony. My photos, like me naked, covered in bologna. He mumbled that you can get backed up at once for a merry little fee of $5 a month-s. You even get 15 days free if you scroll over to backblaze.com/criticalrole. And just like that, my computer was on. Lev greased up his body, and bam, he was gone. But I heard him exclaim, “Peace out, yo, whassup! Happy Backblaze to all, don’t forget to back up!” (cheering) SAM: I’ll write another one for Easter, I promise. (laughter) MATT: Thank you, Sam. So thank you, Backblaze. Happy to have you for our sponsor tonight as well. Also, as a heads-up, we’ve had our friends at Wyrmwood for a while have been awesomely providing Wyrmwood dice boxes and dice trays and dice towers to give away to people in the community. They have new boxes for all the players in the new campaign. And they have been working on something for a while for us to kick off the new campaign. They made us a new table. If we can go to a camera view of this table they made for the campaign. (cheering) MATT: It’s made out of English brown oak, the center Critical Role inlay is made of ash burl, is the background, and then rosewood for the d20 outline, wenge for the Critical Role words themselves, and silver stringing around the border. It was built by hand in their Massachusetts office and workshop, and it was hand-rubbed oil on a wax finish. Over a hundred hours were put into this table. They did an incredible job, and we’re super honored to have that here, and thank you guys for showing such an awesome appreciation for what we do. SAM: It smells really nice. LAURA: We have cubbies! MARISHA: It smells like wood in the studio, like fresh wood. SAM: And, when we get canceled, this is going to be a great dining room table. MATT: This is true! Thank you guys, Wyrmwood. If you aren’t familiar with any of their stuff, go to wyrmwoodgaming.com, that’s W-Y-R-M-wood Gaming dot com. They do awesome work. It’s really super high-quality, it’s great. So thank you guys. All right, so. Let’s see. Updates we can get through. Laura, do you have an update for merch stuff in the new year? LAURA: (yells) Okay. Yes, I do. It’s a new campaign, new us, new merch. I don’t know which camera I’m looking at. SAM: That one. LAURA: So we released our teaser on socials, and everybody was like, “I want that as a poster!” So we listened to you, and we made it a poster! (cheering) SAM: It’s a real poster? LAURA: It’s a real poster! SAM: Oh, wow! LAURA: Look at this lameness that you could have on your wall! So yeah. It’s in the store right now, you guys, and we printed a small amount, so those ones will be shipped faster, and then after that it’ll just be pre-order, but I think it’s all listed as pre-order, so just so you know. SAM: Can you photoshop out my crotch region? LAURA: No. TALIESIN: That would be a lot of photoshop, man. MATT: None of us have that much talent in post, Sam. LAURA: But let’s just talk about this Matthew Mercer. MATT: Let’s not talk about what I– when I put that outfit on, I did not consider quite the permeation in my life it would become. So there’s that. LAURA: So we can be with you always. Matt can stare at you while you sleep. LIAM: That’s actually how Purvon dressed. MATT: God damn it. TALIESIN: Hey, first throwback! Well done. LAURA: Oh yeah. We’ve got to be careful, guys, because we have a lot of people that haven’t watched the last campaign, or haven’t finished the last campaign, so no spoilers for last campaign. SAM: I don’t really remember it. TRAVIS: Well, we all died, so. MATT: That’s true, yeah. Okay, next announcements: the Critical Role podcast we have currently up to date. All of Vox Machina’s story, the whole first campaign, is now on the podcast. You can find it where the finest podcasts are downloaded. And do we have an update as far as the release schedule for this podcast? MARISHA: Yes, we do. They will be releasing one week after we are live. We’ll be one week behind. SAM: On a Thursday? MARISHA: They will be releasing on Thursdays the week after. LAURA: Oh, so you can listen to it in the morning and watch it live at night. If you have a lot of free time. Or a really long drive, maybe. SAM: An extra eight hours to spend every Thursday. MATT: To be fair, you guys would have about as much free time on a Thursday as I would. Cool, so look forward to that. Comic book, issue four of Critical Role: Vox Machina Origins, Liam, when does that come out? LIAM: It is coming out on the 24th of this month. TRAVIS: Oh, make it sooner! LIAM: I’ve read it. It’s so good, it’s real good, it’s so good. You guys, Vox Machina’s story ended at this table, but it is going to live on and on and on– at least for three more issues. MATT: Thank you very much. TRAVIS: Check it out everywhere. LIAM: Yeah, on Zune, on PalmPilot. Darkhorse app, Comixology, Limewire, finally. MARISHA: Napster. LAURA: I’m going to throw up. MATT: That’s okay, guys, we’ve got a couple more things left. Thank you for hanging in there. As far as con appearances go, I actually fly tomorrow to Miami, Florida for Paradise City Comic Con. I’ll be there tomorrow until Sunday. If you guys are in the area, come say hi at the convention. It should be fun. I have panels and signings and stuff. Hopefully see you there. Also, I’ll be at Lexington Comic and Toy Con in Lexington, Kentucky, March 9-11, Otafest in Calgary, May 18-20, and A-Kon in Texas, June 7-10. ASHLEY: Jeez Louise, Matt. LAURA: We have Emerald City Comic Con, me and Travis. TRAVIS: First weekend of March. MATT: Badass. Cool. All right, so. Paring it down, finishing it up here. Thank you for your patience. With the new campaign, I want to renew our appreciation for and make sure that we push to you guys that we, from the very beginning, have been supporting a really amazing charity called 826, 826LA being our local chapter. They have 826 groups all over the United States that they do after-school creative writing, and a lot of great creative classes for children who are either underprivileged or don’t have opportunities to go to these types of classes. They do wonderful, wonderful work, and we’ve been supporting them from the very beginning, and we’re just doubling down on that for this new campaign. You guys as a community have been fantastic in supporting them, and all the charities that we’ve supported from the very beginning. Critmas every year has been a very prime example of that, so I just wanted to continue to push that forward, share the love, and a big thank-you to 826 for being such an amazing source of creative drive for so many young kids who normally wouldn’t have that opportunity. So you guys are amazing, and show them your appreciation if you can. (cheering) MATT: Final shout-outs. One, thank you to Ian Phillips of Iron Tusk Painting, who has painted the miniatures for this campaign. (cheering) MATT: He actually painted me and Marisha’s cake toppers for our wedding, and whenever you manage to see them in the campaign, you can know that it’s his handiwork. Soon enough. ASHLEY: Also, fun fact about Ian Phillips: I grew up with him. He was one of my brother’s best friends when we first moved out here to LA, and so when that name was floating around, I was like, wait a minute. And then we reconnected back on Instagram. It’s such a crazy story. You know, Critical Role brings it all back around. (laughter) MATT: I love it. So you can follow him, @PaintingTusk on Twitter. LIAM: I’ve had him paint 20 to 30– I’m kind of addicted– 20 to 30 miniatures. They’re amazing. He’s amazing at what he does. MATT: And final thank-yous to Warner Bros and Monolith Entertainment for letting us incorporate the Shadow of War soundtrack into our Critical Role soundtrack here on the air, so those will be coming into the new campaign. And, super excited, CD Projekt Red has been nice enough to allow us use of the Witcher series soundtrack to also incorporate into the campaign, which, honestly, when we started playing at home, the Witcher soundtrack was most of my music, and I couldn’t use it when we started streaming, and so it’s been a cool full-circle to be able to bring it back in. Plus it brings a unique flavor that works with the new campaign setting, so. With that, I believe our announcements are done. Thank you for bearing with us. LAURA: Wait, we’re going to give– oh, that’s– MARISHA: Afterwards. SAM: There’s one more announcement. MARISHA: Our announcement is our brand-new opening title sequence. Which I think we’re ready for. MATT: So, as we bring it down, guys, let’s go ahead and prepare to dive in to the new year and the new campaign for this episode of Critical Role. (yelling) [80s music] (laughter) MATT: And welcome back. TRAVIS: That was a new level. MATT: We’ve definitely returned to the table. Thank you, Sam. So. MARISHA: Wait, super fast. We’ve got to go through credits. Right? Okay. So normally we don’t do this, and I did this once before when we released our other opening title sequence. Yeah, 50th. So we’re going to do this again. These are just people who do so much and who do not get enough love. I’m going to shout them out. Sean Becker, who’s the unsung hero of Geek and Sundry, he’s the executive producer. T.J. Rotell, he’s our production manager around here, he makes sure that we actually have cameras. Maxwell James, our producer that makes this show go every week. Dani Carr, our production coordinator, also huge producer here. Steve Sprinkles, who directed that amazing opening title sequence. SAM: That’s not a real name! MARISHA: I know. I love it on the slate. It always says 'Sprinkles’. Jan-Michael Losada, who is our D.P., and is the same D.P. from last time. Tristan Savage-Tate, our first A.C. Sean Delahunt, who is our key grip. Tyler Hart, who is our gaffer, who gaffs everything around here, he’s amazing. Jenny Newman, who did the amazing wardrobe. She sourced all the wardrobe. Wren Witting, who’s one of our hair and makeup artists. Vanessa Marie, who is our second hair and makeup artist. Jose Sosa, who was our production assistant. Selina Ruthe– LAURA: That’s a lot of pieces of paper! MARISHA: I know. Selina Ruthe, who did additional photography, and she also does stuff every day. LAURA: Why didn’t you put them on the same piece of paper? MARISHA: Because I didn’t know there was going to be this many. Brandon Clark, who was our location manager. Pamela Joy, who shot all the photos for that, and Loretta Ritchert. LAURA: Yeah, they’re with Heirloom Photography, and they did all of our thumbnails, too. They did that poster. ASHLEY: Go check them out on Instagram! MARISHA: Jason Charles Miller, who does our music. LIAM: Party on, Garthok! MARISHA: Sean Hudson, who does our post-production. And Andy Inglat, who edited that thing. Okay. I’m sweating a lot. MATT: That’s okay. So. SAM: What a night. Well, guys… TALIESIN: This has been great. LIAM: Holy shit. MATT: Everyone. Everyone. SAM: Can we open our fricking books yet? MARISHA: Not yet. MATT: Welcome to Wildemount. The year is 835 P.D., or post-Divergence. This continent is divided both by jagged terrain and political powers. The Menagerie Coast, a collection of city-states united under the Clovis Concord, monopolizes the southwestern shores and ports of Wildemount, thriving on open trade and cultural freedom. Beyond the Cyrios Mountains lies the massive region known as Wynandir, bisected by the Ashkeeper Peaks. Eastern Wynandir houses the expansive wastes and turbulent badlands of Xhorhas, overrun with all manner of beasts and terrors, relics from the final battles of the Calamity that ruined that scarred landscape. Northward, you would find the Greying Wildlands, a lawless realm harboring a curse that has kept it unconquered by human hands. However, this story begins in the territory of Western Wynandir, within the boundaries of the Dwendalian Empire. Emerging 13 generations before, the Dwendalian Empire has slowly spread to encompass the surrounding societies of the region, absorbing the peoples of the Zemni Fields and the Marrow Valley, before finally conquering the Julous Dominion and taking the whole of Western Wynandir for the Empire. SAM: There will be no test. MATT: No. This is– let me continue. Under the rule of the current King Bertrand Dwendal, now in his 68th year, most are left to their own devices. You live as you did before. The crown only takes a tithe of what you produce and earn. You follow its laws, worship its gods, and bow to its installed local leadership. In return, denizens of the Empire are protected from the chaotic horrors and shadowed evils that stalk the edges of the civilized lands. This accord has led to a prosperous century for the Empire, or at least the political elite. Tensions brew beneath the chafing watch of the Crown’s Guard. Every temple is government-owned and run, and worship outside the approved idolatry is met with imprisonment. Rumors of military clashes at the eastern border near Xhorhas have many common folk on edge. Our story, however, begins much smaller. Here in the southern reaches of the Marrow Valley, beyond the entry gates of the Wuyun Gorge, lies the small rural town of Trostenwald. Bordering the blue waters of the Ustaloch, this town came to prominence near the turn of this recent century, when the surrounding fertile farmlands were discovered to produce a unique type of grain and wheat, leading to a boom of breweries. When the glut subsided, three large families stood triumphant in the local business of fermented delights. Now Trostenwald thrives on their exports of fish, crops, and ale. Here in this sleepy trade stop along the Amber Road, a handful of wandering destinies slowly begin to intersect. We begin in the early hours of the morning on the day of Grissen in a messy room on the second floor of the Nestled Nook Inn. A bleary-eyed, bruised man in a tattered coat slowly wakens from his lengthy sleep, catching his small, snoring ally curled at the foot of the bed. Liam, if you would like to describe your character, please. (nervous laughter) LAURA: Oh my god, no pressure! SAM: Were we supposed to prepare this? LIAM: I’m pretty filthy. I have a mess of reddish-brown hair, and really filthy road clothes. I wear a long coat that I slept in. I slept about 20 hours last night. Jeez. Unshaven, a bit of a mess. SAM: So far you’re just talking about current Liam. LAURA: What color are your eyes? I need visual. LIAM: They’re blue. That’s it. It was a rough day yesterday, and– that’s it. MATT: And your name is? LIAM: Oh. Caleb. Caleb Widogast. MATT: All right. As your smaller friend curls awake, Sam, would you like to describe your character? SAM: Yeah. Um. I am a little goblin girl. (laughter) SAM: I am a goblin. So, you know, the green skin, the green hair, the yellow eyes. And she wears not-great clothes, just like her traveling companion there. She hides in the shadows a lot, because she knows goblins aren’t welcome in this part, and that’s about it. I mean, she’s a little skittish, and right now she’s probably stirring awake as well, right? MATT: Well. What’s your name? SAM: Oh. Nott the Brave. MATT: So Caleb, as you come to consciousness, you glance over and can see, slowly snoring and rousing at about the same time, Nott’s eyes blink open, her slowly groaning face looking over towards you. SAM: (high-pitched Cockney accent) Oh! You’re finally awake, I see. Oh yeah, motherfuckers. It’s on. You were out for quite some time, there. Rough day, eh? LIAM: (light German accent) Not our best day, no. SAM: No, I mean, usually you’re so good at everything, but yesterday you were just– maybe you needed the sleep, is what you needed. LIAM: Thank you. SAM: Well, don’t thank me yet. I should probably tell you what happened while you were asleep. I mean, you were asleep for so long. I got bored, frankly. I was going through my pack and reorganizing. LIAM: Has anybody seen you– seen you seen you? SAM: Well, I mean, many people? I got bored. You’ve never slept that long, so I left, I went downstairs, I thought I’d do a bit of window-shopping, and you know how sometimes I get the itch, you know? LIAM: I do. Did you make it back here okay, at night? SAM: I’m here, aren’t I? LIAM: Yeah, you are. SAM: Yeah, I did. But I might have been spotted by a few of the Crown’s Guard. LIAM: Did you have the mask on? SAM: No? No, I didn’t. But they didn’t catch me, so. Listen, I’m sorry, sometimes I get the urge, I’ve got to take something, you know? I was trying to replentish what you lost yesterday, and I failed. LIAM: Well, we– (sighs)– discussed coming to a bigger town. It’s going to be a little more difficult now. You can’t go– it was easier on outskirts, it was easier in farms, but we can’t do that here. SAM: I know, I’m sorry. Yeah. I know. You’re right. Yep. I just got a little bit squiggly. That’s all. LIAM: Okay. Well, I think today you should have the mask on at all times. SAM: Yeah, good idea, Caleb. LIAM: It’s better when we’re working together. If you need to steal something, do it with my help, all right? SAM: Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. LIAM: Back up the conversation a minute. Thank you. I would not be alive if you had not– you saved my life. So thank you. SAM: Ah, no problem. LIAM: Yesterday was really not great. SAM: Yeah, well, we’ll do better today, right? LIAM: Sure. Sure we will. Are you hungry? SAM: Yeah, I’m starving. MATT: At this point, you notice the gentle smell of cooked meats and promises of mediocre porridge and eggs just barely begins to creep beneath the subtle floor of your room, meet your nostrils. LIAM: Well, Nott, what are we going to do today? I can go down and get breakfast and bring it up here. At least– I don’t know. I mean, I’m a little wary of just splashing back into the town right away. SAM: Let’s go down, get some food. I’ll come with you, 'cause as you said, we’re better together. And we’ll take it from there. You need some books and stuff, right? LIAM: Always. SAM: All right, well, that’s on the to-do list. LIAM: All right, well, let’s get something to eat, then. MATT: All right, so you prepare yourself with your mask set over? SAM: Yes, yeah, so I have a half a mask that covers my goblin face, and with the hood over, kind of obscures. Maybe it’s not a goblin, maybe it’s a little halfling person or something. MATT: Which is helpful. The southern, more rural region of the Empire, especially near Felderwin, which is one of the largest tilling and farming areas of the entire Empire, has a very heavy halfling population. And so while this city is not the core of it, you’d probably see a larger 20-25% of the population here in Trostenwald is halfling. So you pass off pretty decently as long as you keep away from discerning, intent eyes. So the two of you manage to gather your things for the time being, wander down the stairs from the top floor down to the base of the tavern, which, the air is already bustling with townsfolk and all manner of travelers preparing to take on the day’s responsibilities. Yorda, the 40-something woman barkeep with shoulder-length blonde hair and weathered skin that you previously rented your room at the inn from, frantically darts behind the bar while the red-headed barmaid rushes from table to table. It seems that the clientele is a bit more than they were expecting this morning. Yorda yells from behind the bar to the barkeep, “Adelaine, two more brats and a bit of mush at the corner table.” She looks up, “I’m working on it!” And she runs over and heads back to the kitchen. There’s a faint bit of music as two slovenly-looking musicians in the corner are trying to work for tips with a small hat on the floor that it looks like nobody’s thrown any coin into it. The tables are fairly busy, except for maybe two that appear to be available between the two of you guys, if you’d like to find a seat. LIAM: Okay. Sure. Is that easy to do, find a seat? MATT: Yeah, you walk over to it, you sit down. (laughter) LIAM: Is this how D&D works? SAM: What do we roll for? (laughter) MATT: You sit down, and due to the chaos that ensues around you, it takes a little while for Adelaine, the red-headed barmaid, to come by, and she scoots by the table. “I’m terribly sorry. What “can I get you?” SAM: You know, meat if you have it, but if you don’t, that’s okay, too. Potatoes, or bacon if it’s on the menu, but really anything– MATT: “I can get you all three, it’s fine. What you want?” LIAM: A Trost for each of us, please. MATT: “For breakfast? I like you. All right, two Trosts and a bunch of meats. Be right back.” And she rushes off, she pulls her hair back and ties it as she goes into the kitchen, getting ready for the midst of chaos. While you guys have a moment there at the table, you can hear conversation muttering around you, and you have a brief bit of privacy to discuss. LIAM: Yes, I need books, that’s true, but did you find drink yesterday? SAM: I have a little left in my flask. LIAM: How much? SAM: Just a couple swigs. LIAM: So that’s also on the to-do list, then. SAM: I mean, if you don’t want me to get too jittery, yeah. LIAM: All right. Okay. So we’ll do that first. SAM: All right. TRAVIS: I love her. (laughter) MATT: A short time passes before the two platters are rushed over and scattered across the front of your table with a clattering. Pile of meats there set for you, a little bit placed on the side, because you might need, especially with the look on your face– Adelaine gives you a glance and goes, “Put something in your belly.” Comes back and slides two Trosts to you. SAM: I remove my little mask, and then just go (eating noises). (laughter) LIAM: I take the last piece. MATT: As you guys are partway through your meal– let’s see, this would be Caleb. You notice out of the corner of your eye a gentleman enter the door looking kind of meek. Middle-age, looks work-hardened. He has a heavy chin-beard that is unkempt and a bit wild, but his eyes are warm. He’s holding his hat in his grip, and he scans the room with an eager glance before his face brightens, and he begins to push his way across the room, in your direction, it looks like. He scoots over towards your table, and as you’re about to turn and see what he’s about– LIAM: I’m putting my hand on my purse. MATT: –he pivots to the table next to you instead. He turns to you three. (yelps) LAURA: We’ve just been sitting here this whole time! MATT: Yeah. You’ve met this man the day before, Rinaldo, the fisherman, who you had aided. And as he approaches, he goes, “Might I sit, please?” LAURA: Of course, take a seat. SAM: What’s that? MATT: As he sits down in his chair, I would ask each of you to please describe yourselves, starting with you, Laura. LAURA: (Slavic accent) Oh, well, okay. I’m just, you know, a little blue tiefling, that’s all, with blue hair. And I’m wearing a pretty cute dress, that’s all. And I’m having a good time, you know? We’re just having a good time here at breakfast. MATT: All right. And you? MARISHA: Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’m, you know, simple girl, simple needs. Just wearing nice, baggy clothes, some monk vestiges. They’re in nice blues and greys. You notice I have a blue sash around my belt. Got a nice shave going on, little undercut. Looks like maybe I put on makeup two days ago, and I’m like, yeah, it’s still holding up. It’s fine. I can work with that. SAM: What’s your name? MATT: We’ll get to that. Thank you. And Travis, if you’d like to describe yourself, please? TRAVIS: (Texan drawl) Yeah, I’m here too. (laughter) TRAVIS: I’m a half-orc, sitting here in beat-up leathers. Have a big scar across my face. SAM: (sings 'Bad to the Bone’) (laughter) TRAVIS: Green skin tone, and got some piecemeal armor put together and stuff. My name’s Fjord. LAURA: You’re very handsome. I just need to tell you. TRAVIS: Thank you. Appreciate that. MATT: As Rinaldo sits down, clutching his hat still in his hands, says, “I thank you for your “time. Fjord. And, I apologize, I forget your names.” MARISHA: Beauregard. MATT: “Beauregard. And?” LAURA: Jester. MATT: “Jester, thank you. You all came when no one else would yesterday, and because of you my "daughter is still alive.” MARISHA: Oh yeah. Sorry for being a pessimistic asshole, by the way, when we first came into town. MATT: “Oh, that’s okay.” MARISHA: I’m not used to things turning out good. MATT: “You’ll do well this side of the Empire. Anyway. I won’t keep you, but I– we spoke "yesterday, and I didn’t have much to give you. Sent you away with nothing but my gratitude. But "I’ve been asking around the other fishermen, lochsmen, and we’ve put together a little bit of "coin for your troubles, so.” And he turns his cap over on the table, and this catches your attention, you hear this clattering of coin. Your eyes glance over, especially you, Nott, and watch as he leaves this pile of what looks to be mostly copper and silver pieces, with a couple of glimmers of gold, and as soon as it clatters across the hard wood table here in the center of the tavern, other faces begin to turn, gather attention as to what’s happening over here in the back edge, and he takes his cap back and pushes it forward towards all of you, his dirty, you can see cracked and very callused fingers shoving it in your direction, before taking his hat and placing it back over his head. LAURA: So cool! LIAM: Those coins went all over the floor? MATT: All over the table. “I hope it’s helpful. But thank you.” MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. Oh wait. TRAVIS: We can’t accept this, right? I mean, it’s too much. MARISHA: We’re supposed to at least say that, right? And then still accept it, right? TRAVIS: I think you’re supposed to do it if you say it. LAURA: Well, I mean, he did go around to a bunch of people. That was a lot of work on his part. I would hate to make him go back to all of those people and give it back to each individual person. TRAVIS: Fine, fine. MARISHA: If he didn’t keep a ledger, you know. We wouldn’t want to do that. It’s rude not to accept a gift, right? It’s rude not to accept a gift, right? MATT: “I would hope that is the case. Anyway. Thank you very much. I am sorry for getting in "your way.” And he stands up and gives you all a nod and rushes out of the tavern, a little embarrassed by all the attention that’s now placed on him by the other patrons, and as he leaves, everyone goes back to their business, a couple of wandering eyes starting to count what coins are there as you slowly mitt them in your direction. LAURA: Divide it up. MARISHA: Okay, okay. MATT: There are four gold pieces amongst the pile, 22 silver, and 48 copper pieces. TRAVIS: Can I clock the room, see who else is watching her count? MATT: Perception check. 48 copper. TRAVIS: Is this the first roll? MATT: First roll of the campaign. TRAVIS: Natural 20. (cheering) MATT: And that’s how you start it. All right. LAURA: So I’m leaving it to you to do that counting. Which is really hard for me, personally, but there you go. MARISHA: How do you split up four gold? We have four gold and there’s only three of us. LAURA: Don’t know. TRAVIS: Well, I actually did pretty good at that card game, so you can have mine. MARISHA: Aw. I will. Okay. LAURA: So two for each of us! That’s great. MARISHA: Oh, that’s good. One for you, two for me, two for– oh wait, no, wait, math doesn’t make sense. SAM: She’s your treasurer? MATT: This is going to go great. LAURA: It’s hard not being the treasurer. MARISHA: I’ll give two to Jester, one for you, one for me. And then 22 silver, that’s– LAURA: Tell you what, you do that math. MATT: While you’re counting this out and figuring out the division of your gains, Fjord, you glance about, narrowing your orcish eyes across the room, and you can see two other tables there are some gentlemen who are peering over, and as soon as they meet your gaze, they go right back to their business and completely shrink away. There’s a man and a hooded figure at a table immediately adjacent to you. The man looks rather filthy, his hair a bit unkempt, and he’s trying to finish his drink. However, the smaller halfling-looking figure is just glaring intently, and is slowly leaning in the direction of the table. TRAVIS: That’s creepy. Fucking disgusting. I think we have people watching us. LAURA: Who is watching us? TRAVIS: Well, just take a look right over there. SAM: Don’t arouse suspicion, but did you hear all that coin hit that table, Caleb? LIAM: I did. It’s on the table, though, so I think on the table it will stay. SAM: Yes, but we could follow them out. We could do the Moneypot. We could run Rat Food. We could do Prince and the Pauper to get it from them. We could try Spider Eyes. Any of those could work– LAURA: Are you guys staying here? MATT: This blue-skinned tiefling suddenly leans over to you at the table. SAM: Don’t move. Don’t move. Tieflings can only see movement. LIAM: I don’t think that’s true– LAURA: It’s very true, we have a hard time seeing things that aren’t moving, it’s very true. But I can hear you. You should take a bath. You know they have showers here. It’s possible. LIAM: A what now? LAURA: You bathe yourself in water. LIAM: No, I’ve bathed before, yeah, I know what a bath is. LAURA: It’s because you smell really bad, and it’s wafting over this direction. I’m just letting you know. I would hate if I smelled that bad and someone didn’t tell me. LIAM: I’ve only just met you. LAURA: Hi! I’m Jester. LIAM: Hi, I’m Caleb. LAURA: Nice to meet you, Caleb. How much silver did I just get? MARISHA: Seven! LAURA: Woo! (laughter) MARISHA: And 16 copper. Aren’t you all jealous? SAM: Morning. MARISHA: Morning. MATT: Make a perception check, Beauregard and Jester. LAURA: Whoa. LIAM: Are you checking your DnD Beyond specs? MARISHA: I am, I’m adding my– LAURA: 22. I haven’t even flipped over my character sheet yet. This is crazy. MARISHA: 19. MATT: Okay. The somewhat meek female halfling who’s now suddenly very reserved, and not as filthy as the human compatriot that she keeps, seems less and less halfling the more you glance in her direction. The ears are folded inward but elongated, the tinges of green to the skin, and with the little words that have poked through her lips, you can see what appear to be teeth more jagged than expected of the half-folk. MARISHA: I just shout over and I say, good morning, in Halfling. SAM: I know Halfling, right? Yes. I’ll shout back, top of the morning to you. (laughter) MARISHA: Would you like a coffee? I’d love to buy you a coffee. SAM: We’ve got– free coffee? Yeah, yeah, I’ll take it. Sure. Thank you. TRAVIS: You’re being mighty fucking friendly. They were looking at our coin. MARISHA: Why can’t they have been looking at me? Maybe they were looking at me. TRAVIS: I didn’t think of that. MARISHA: Maybe they were looking at you. As Jester said, you’re handsome. LIAM: Just– LAURA: Yes? LIAM: Nott. SAM: He said “Jest”. LAURA: I just thought you said my name, is all. MARISHA: Oh, I said your name. Oh, they might have said your name, too. LIAM: Never mind, never mind. Could I get another Trost over here, please? SAM: Two, please, right away. MATT: Eventually Adelaine comes by and brings two fresh Trosts to the table, glancing about at the unique tension in the air right here. “Would you like anything as well?” LAURA: Oh, yes. Lots of baked goods if you have them, please. TRAVIS: Pork belly, if you have it. MARISHA: I don’t think I’ve seen you eat anything other than pastries. LAURA: I really like them. MARISHA: I’m kind of concerned for your well-being. It’s fine, I’m not that concerned. Eat whatever you want. I’ll have bacon, some ham, whatever. MATT: “All right, pork it is. I’ll be right back.” She rushes off to the kitchen. You guys continue to awkwardly stare at each other. LIAM: I’m going to put my hand up and say, quietly, to Nott, the Moneypot is not for them. It’s not for them, it’s for farmers. Okay? SAM: Yeah, you’re right, you’re right. MARISHA: Do we notice them whispering? MATT: With your perception rolls earlier? Yes. LIAM: But I said it really quietly. (laughter) MATT: She rolled a 22. LIAM: But she can hear my little whisper? MATT: No, you heard the whisper, you’re not sure what the words are. You can see that they’re whispering. Being mysterious. LAURA: Okay, cool. SAM: In Halfling, I’ll say to Beau– MARISHA: Beau for short works. SAM: Are you in town for business or pleasure? MARISHA: Can I insight check him, see what he’s hiding? MATT: Make an insight check. MARISHA: Okay. What’s my insight, I can’t remember. LAURA: What is he saying? I mean you, you’re a girl. What is she saying? Shit. That’s really hard to remember now. SAM: You’re asking me what I’m saying. LAURA: Yeah, what did you just say? MARISHA: 13. MATT: 13? I mean, seems to be genuine. Hard to read through all the wrappings, shadow, and the hood still obscuring the face. LAURA: Do you have the mask covering you? SAM: I think I do. MATT: Yeah, it’s this porcelain covering that has painted lips. It’s a little unsettling. LIAM: I mean, I’m sorry, not to be blunt, but, you know. It’s pretty obvious goblins are not welcome strolling about. LAURA: She’s a goblin?! SAM: Yeah, yeah, but you don’t have to make a big thing of it, all right? There could be people here who don’t know. LIAM: That’s right. She’s my companion, she’s my friend. There’s nothing to make a big deal about. That’s why she’s wrapped up. Just leave it, please. LAURA: I didn’t ask why she was wrapped up. MARISHA: I know, we’re not making a big deal out it. You’re making a big deal out of it. LIAM: Somebody asked why she was wrapped up. LAURA: No, nobody asked. LIAM: Somebody said the words– this is Liam– “Why are you all wrapped up?” MARISHA: Oh, I asked if she was cold. (laughter) SAM: That’s concern. MATT: As Caleb finishes oversharing. LIAM: Vaxleth is over. It’s so over! MARISHA: Those are old times, man. That was a different universe. Different life. MATT: At this point, there is a bit of a commotion towards the entrance of the tavern. Two shadows step into the doorway of the nearish-noonday sun. The figures, one eclipsing the other from behind, begin to step in. You notice one of them begins to step from table to table, glancing about with a sort of grace to the movement, the other staying a few feet behind. Taliesin, if you’d like to describe your character, please. LAURA: I didn’t think we were going to meet you so soon! TALIESIN: Neither did I. ASHLEY: I didn’t either. TALIESIN: But here we are. A lavender– damn it, Travis. A lavender tiefling with red eyes and very pierced, extremely ostentatious horns that are pierced with little gems and little baubles. He’s got a tattoo that seems to be running up the side of his face, a peacock tattoo that goes off into his very ostentatious, ridiculous, overblown robes that he wears. His two swords and pouch dangling at the side of his hips. He’s very broad in his dress. LIAM: So a literal and figurative peacock. TALIESIN: Oh yes. TRAVIS: One of your characters? No. TALIESIN: I know, mine. Who knew? MATT: As this tiefling darts from table to table, a few feet behind, you see– ASHLEY: Wait, did you say your name? TALIESIN: I didn’t say my name. ASHLEY: Okay. So there is a woman behind him. Taller than your average… lass. (laughter) ASHLEY: She’s very, very, very pale-skinned. Her hair is black that starts to turn white as it gets longer. It’s matted, it’s dreaded, it’s braided. Her clothes are a bit tattered, but just sort of– she’s a bit of a mess, and she has two different color eyes. One of them is a light greenish-blue, and the other is a violet color. And she’s very standoffish, hunch-y, arms folded. MATT: You watch as these figures slowly move from table to table, the tiefling engaging in some distant conversation, leaving a slip of paper, walking to the next table. Gauging the atmosphere, not leaving a slip of paper, and quickly moving on, and then eventually your eyes meet what looks to be two tables with a very motley crew of individuals that are both awkwardly avoiding their own tension and currently trying to figure you out. TALIESIN: Can I tell if– where are they in the dispensement of the coin? Can I tell they have a little coin on them? Did I catch any of that? MATT: They’ve completed distributing, so you don’t see any coin, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Well. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a group of people more in need of a good time in my entire life. Mollymauk Tealeaf of the Fletching and Moondrop Traveling Carnival of Curiosities. If there was ever a group of people that needed a good time to go out, have a laugh, see things that you have never seen before, and my god, take my word for it, one month’s time, people will be buying your ale to hear the tale of what you saw at the Traveling Carnival of Curiosities this night. LAURA: We saw your tent going up! We did! MARISHA: We were actually going to go without the flyer, but now we also have a flyer. TALIESIN: It’s just five copper. A steal. At five silver, it would be a steal, at five gold? Worth every penny. But if you’ve got the five copper to spend, we would happily have you all. LAURA: Do you perform? TALIESIN: Ah. I’m less of a performer and more of an intermediary for these parts. I do on occasion perform. I can read fortunes– LAURA: (gasps) I was going to ask if you read fortunes! Can you do one now? TALIESIN: I knew you were going to ask that. LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh, you’re so smart. Look at this guy, he knows everything! TALIESIN: I’m going to sit down at the table. MATT: Okay. He goes and sits down at this table, finishing his presentation. One of the barmaids comes up to you, and looks up. You’re standing almost a solid seven inches taller than her. “Miss, can I get you a drink?” ASHLEY: (deadpan) Yes could I have a drink, please. Just some ale. MATT: “Coming right up. Any preferences for the family? Baumbauch?” LAURA: Stay clear of Baumbauch. They’re dicks. MARISHA: That’s kind of true. ASHLEY: Just a big. MATT: “Husseldorf, then. All right. Be right back.” And she wanders off. TALIESIN: Well. Who has coin for a fortune? LAURA: Do you know my name? TALIESIN: What is your name? LAURA: Jester. TALIESIN: I know your name now! LAURA and TALIESIN: (laugh) LAURA: What is your name? TALIESIN: Oh, my name is Molly to my friends, and we’re friends, now, aren’t we? Pleasure. LAURA: Molly. Look at this guy. TALIESIN: Mollymauk. Molly for short. This is Yasha, she’s a charm. ASHLEY: Hello. MARISHA: Yasha. Yasha. TALIESIN: Now. Would anyone like a fortune read? LAURA: I would love one. TALIESIN: Do you have coin? LAURA: Yes. How much do you want? TALIESIN: Two copper. LAURA: Two copper, okay, I just got some copper. Here you go. MATT: Mark down your two copper. (laughs) TALIESIN: I am taking this in. All right. (sighs) I’m going to try and do this. LAURA: Oh my gosh, really? MATT: So, as he pulls out a small set of cards and begins to shuffle them, go ahead and roll an insight check. ASHLEY: (deadpan) He’s really quite good, you all should line up and get your fortunes told. (laughter) TALIESIN: Let’s do a 16 there. MATT: Okay, so you get a brief conversation here, you get a pretty solid read: the excitability, the eagerness, and the exuberant interest in just getting in your face that this person wants– any fortune you tell will probably suffice. Go ahead and roll a sleight-of-hand check as well. SAM: Look at this fucking game! (laughter) TALIESIN: Also 16. MATT: Yeah. And you feel pretty confident that her eyes are locked onto your eyes at the moment and not the deck, as you set up a proper reading. And the cards are shuffled, set, you place them before you, and you may give your fortune. SAM: I’m going to just keep my eyes open for any tricks of the hand, sleight-of-hand-y-type tricks. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Okay. Perception. 14. MATT: 14. All right. Everything seems pretty above-board. TALIESIN: Your first card, the Silver Dragon. This is good. You’re pure, you’re virtue, you are a worthwhile and wonderful human being, obviously, or creature of some repute. LAURA: That’s what everyone always tells me. TALIESIN: It’s true. And heading towards the Anvil. LAURA: What is that? TALIESIN: That is a destiny forged. ASHLEY: (deadpan) Ohh. TALIESIN: There is something bright and adventurous in your future. LAURA: Wow! You know, we did just defeat a really big snake? So maybe there’s even bigger things coming up, you know? TALIESIN: Can I make another roll? MATT: Sure. SAM: Ashley confirmed worst hype-man ever. (laughter) TALIESIN: 19. MATT: Yeah, easy enough. Even with discerning eyes at the table, you are at the top of your game. TALIESIN: The Serpent card appears. Of course you did. LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh! Look at that! How did you even do that? TALIESIN: That’s all the cards. I’m simply a vessel for higher powers. LIAM: While everybody’s watching this shit happen, may I cast Detect Magic? MATT: You may. You lean back and subtly begin a brief muttering of an incantation, your fingers wash through the air, a faint silver gleam across your fingertips. Nothing magical shows up in the immediate vicinity. LAURA: Will you ask the cards if I’m going to find him? TALIESIN: If you’re going to find her? LAURA: Him. TALIESIN: Give me a little bit more. Who’s this 'him’ that you’re looking for? LAURA: I’m looking for my dad. TALIESIN: 14. MATT: You fumble for a second, but the card still finds its way through without issue. TALIESIN: Pushing through, pushing through. The Eye card pulls up. You’ve already found the clue you’re looking for. You just don’t know what it is yet. LAURA: Really? TALIESIN: Apparently. Well, it’s what the cards are saying. It’s right in front of you. LAURA: Wow. Does it say how long ago I found it? Because that’s– TALIESIN: Sadly, I don’t have that sort of specifics. That’s much more expensive. LAURA: That’s going to take a lot of thinking. TALIESIN: Well, you find us at the show, you’ll find my tent and I’d be happy to give you a more complicated reading. LAURA: I can’t wait! It’s going to be so much fun. TALIESIN: So much fun. MATT: Yasha, at this point, the barmaid, Adelaine, comes up and hands you the ordered ale. ASHLEY: Thank you, my lady. MATT: “On the house.” TALIESIN: On the house! ASHLEY: That’s very kind of you. MARISHA: Do you perform in the circus, too? ASHLEY: No. I do not. I just– I put it up. MARISHA: Oh, cool. TRAVIS: The tent. LAURA: It’s a big tent. It would take a lot of work. ASHLEY: I put up the stage, I move things around. I’m very strong. But I don’t do anything in the show. TALIESIN: Some of our acts are a little complicated, with performers who are not of the traditional variety. Can make some of the locals get a little shifty, if you know what I mean, and it’s good to have a few people around who are capable of keeping issues contained. MARISHA: Is that why it says 'No admittance to the elderly’? You don’t want to deal with those riley elderly. Or the ill, yeah. Why no elderly, though? Ill kind of makes sense, but elderly? TALIESIN: We cannot be held responsible for anything that may happen to someone who is ill or infirm. It is such an exciting, impressive show. ASHLEY: We’ve had people die watching it. Yeah. It’s just that exciting. Just from excitement. TRAVIS: Did they die in the show, or from watching it? ASHLEY: Yeah, just like heart attack. Just from getting so excited, I guess. MARISHA: We gotta get so wasted. LAURA: When is it? How long is it? When is it? MATT: It is actually the day of Grissen, and your first show is today. TALIESIN: First show is tonight. LAURA: Well, we have plans tonight! MARISHA: Yay! LAURA: Do you stinky people want to come with us? SAN: I– Caleb, we don’t have any plans tonight. I guess we could go along. I wouldn’t mind seeing it. MARISHA: It’ll be fun! TALIESIN: Or you could stay here and buy beer for the people who do see the shows, and you can hear all about it and pay more. LIAM: Yeah, we can go. LAURA: It’s going to be so much fun. SAM: Yeah, yeah, it sounds like a good night. Yeah. LAURA: Look at all these friends we’re making here. This is a good city. SAM: Yeah, it is. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. TALIESIN: You are all the most charming people I’ve met in– yes. I finish my beer. (sighs) Well, we’d better be getting on. ASHLEY: Yep, nice to meet you all. You’re so, uh, wonderful. TALIESIN: Charm. Pure charm. See you tonight! MATT: And as they leave you, Yasha just downs her entire ale, slams it on the table, and they both walk out, passing a couple more flyers at off tables, and then exit out to the rest of the day’s sun beyond your sight. MARISHA: She was awesome. TRAVIS: She didn’t say much. MARISHA: That’s why I liked her. LAURA: She was really, really cool. Did you see that cool thing she had going on with her chin? That’s interesting. I wish I would have thought of something like that. MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, you could maybe do something like that in time. Just wait until maybe– LAURA: So she doesn’t know I copied. I can’t do it tonight. MARISHA: No, no. LAURA: Wow. Cool. What do you guys want to do now? (laughter) TRAVIS: Was he using magic? LAURA: I don’t know. MARISHA: Are you– you’re superstitious. Yeah? LAURA: No. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: No, I’m not superstitious at all. MARISHA: You– sure. LAURA: Why? MARISHA: I mean, what he was working in was– he was doing a little like– he– he’s a smart guy. He’s a smart guy. LAURA: By the way, did you open your Christmas present from me? TALIESIN: No, not yet, no. LAURA: You should go open it! Yes! Go grab the bag! TALIESIN: On the break. On the break, I’ll grab it. SAM: Hey, Matt. Dungeon master. They’re wearing what they described. They’re not wearing any cloaks or anything right now, are they? MATT: Both of them have small cloaks over the shoulders, Beau has a– SAM: Do I recognize those cloaks? MATT: No, you do not. LAURA: What? Why would you recognize the cloaks? SAM: Maybe I saw something. I don’t know. MATT: No, you do not. SAM: I didn’t see them last night? MATT: No. SAM: Okay. Interesting. MARISHA: Mysteries. LIAM: Also, for the record, there was nothing magic about that. Maybe he’s good at reading people, but that was not magic. SAM: Caleb knows everything about magic. He’s been even teaching me some. He’s real good. You should see him– LIAM: Nott– LAURA: Caleb, are you going to go the Academy? LIAM: (strained laugh) That’s silly. SAM: He could if he wanted to. He’s really good at magic. He can make a cat appear and disappear whenever he wants. LAURA: Really? A cat? LIAM: (snaps) MATT: You watch as just beneath the table, this orange patchy tabby leaps up. MARISHA: Oh, shit! What’s his name? LAURA: Or her name! LIAM: Well, it is a he. This is my cat Frumpkin. Frumpkin, yes. LAURA: Aw! Can I call him Lumpy? LIAM: You can call him Frumpkin. LAURA: Look at this Lumpy! Made in England. (laughter) LIAM: That was a little show gift from Marisha, so this is Frumpkin. LAURA: That’s so great. SAM: That’s not all he can do. Caleb, tell them all the stuff you can do. It’s really impressive! LIAM: You know, sometimes less is more. LAURA: I can do things, too. SAM: With magic? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Like what? LAURA: Like– SAM: Not to me, not to me! LAURA: Like– oh, gosh. Okay. I’m going to use Thaumaturgy and I’m going to make all the windows in the place open up really fast, like crash open. MATT: Okay. You watch as four of the nearby windows slam open with a sudden burst of wind, and all the various bits of torchlight that light the deeper and more shadowed corners of the room suddenly darken and flicker. The music suddenly comes to a stop. Everyone holds their position and glances over at the table where you’re all sitting. TRAVIS: Jester, don’t you remember us talking about keeping a low profile? LAURA: You’re right. I’m sorry. I use Thaumaturgy and I close all the windows. (laughter) MATT: They all slam shut a second time. The light flickers and then brightens back to its normal place. LAURA: Ta-da! MARISHA: Yeah! Yeah! LAURA: Come see me tonight at the carnival! I’m really good! MATT: One really crotchety-looking guy in his early 50s with a super underbite, probably missing most of his teeth, just goes– (laughter) LIAM: I telepathically tell Frumpkin to jump up and sit in the lap of the woman in the monk’s robes who just made a big scene and hopefully keep her occupied with being cute. MATT: Okay. As soon as you sit down, Frumpkin leaps into your lap and starts purring and rubbing up against your hand. MARISHA: Hey, buddy. Look at this kitty! I think he likes me. LIAM: Sure, right now he likes you. MARISHA: Is this a real cat? Or is this a fake cat? LIAM: What do you mean, a fake cat? MARISHA: Like a magic cat. LIAM: He’s both a real cat and a magic cat. MARISHA: Is he an illusion cat? LIAM: Do you feel him? TRAVIS: Could you put him over there? MARISHA: Are you allergic to Frumpkins? Oh no! LAURA: But he’s a magic cat. How can you be allergic to magic cats? TRAVIS: I’m pretty sure he’s a real fucking cat. MARISHA: He’s one of those hypoallergenic magic cats. LIAM: I don’t know what the Fifth Edition rules are– LAURA: –for cat dander? MATT: As far as you know right now? Yeah, he’s having an actual allergic attack. A minor one. MARISHA: I walk away a little bit from Fjord. LIAM: Shit. (laughter) SAM: Well, you’re both magic-users, then. And so is the larger fellow? TRAVIS: Well, I mean, a little. LAURA: Yeah, I mean, he’s learning. He’s getting really good at it. TRAVIS: Trying to learn more. LAURA: Yeah, you should have seen him. He disguised himself the other day, and it was like, (clicks tongue). TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. She’s better at it than I am. We’re trying to make our way up to the Academy to get a little bit more learning done. LAURA: Well, he’s going to learn. I’m not going to go to the Academy. MARISHA: Man, this Academy place keeps getting brought up. TRAVIS: Well yeah, it’s the place to be. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: I’m sorry, what Academy are we talking about? TRAVIS: Solstryce Academy. You know. MATT: Soltryce. LAURA: Yeah, that one. SAM: The Soul Train Academy. LIAM: It’s a very fancy place. TRAVIS: You know it. LIAM: I have heard of it. TRAVIS: And you have arcane talents as well. LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: How long have you had yours? LIAM: That’s a tricky question. I studied when I was younger, and then I gave it up for a while. I picked it up again recently. It’s all book-learned. LAURA: Wow, that’s cool. MARISHA: This was a good way to go for your first. LAURA: A frickin’ cat! MARISHA: This is kind of therapeutic. Making me feel better, just about life in general. TRAVIS: (sneezes) MARISHA: All right. SAM: He reads lots of books, Caleb does. He’s very smart. In fact, should we go looking for more right now? LIAM: Maybe in a little while. LAURA: Can I see one of your books? LIAM: Well– and I pull apart the lapels of my coat. I have books in what modern-day people like to think of as holster-straps, but there’s a book hanging here. SAM: I think ancient people would call it a holster as well. LIAM: Bap-bap-bap. The books are right here. I have these, but these are heirlooms, family heirlooms, so I don’t share those, but– no, I like to read. That’s all. And I’m a bit of a self-starter, so I have to find– I mean, good luck at the Academy. That’s rough, I hear. TRAVIS: Do you know anything about it? We’re just going up. Beginner’s luck. LAURA: We know it’s rich people that go there. We have to find a way to get you in. LIAM: All I know is how hard it is to get into. SAM: You don’t have a lot of money, then? LAURA: Well. TRAVIS: No. LAURA: We had more. MARISHA: But then we lost it, but then we got it back. TRAVIS: Somebody has a gambling problem. SAM: Oh. Which one? LAURA: What’s the name of it again? MATT: It is the Crick-Queen’s Call. LAURA: Have you played it? SAM: No, I haven’t. LAURA: I’ll teach you someday. It’s so much fun. SAM: It’s a game? LAURA: Yes. SAM: Cards? All right. I might like to know that. LAURA: I mean, I can teach you, if you want. SAM: Yes, I would like to know that. LAURA: Okay, I’ll deal! SAM: Oh, right now? LAURA: Yes, sure, this will be fun. SAM: Is this okay? LIAM: Listen, I would not be sitting here if it were not for you. Do whatever you like. LAURA: Okay. You draw three cards. Well, I give you three cards. So you use 3d6. SAM: 3d6. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Got one. I’m not you. I have one of each dice. (laughter) LAURA: Okay. So hide your roll from me, because we can’t know. So first you have to ante up. How much coin do you want to put in? SAM: I’m out. (laughter) LIAM: It’s all right. I will front some coin for you to play this game. LAURA: Oh, great! How much do you want to front him? LIAM: I will give you a silver piece. LAURA: A silver. Okay, this is great. SAM: Thank you, Caleb. Thank you. LIAM: Wish I had more. LAURA: Okay. Am I doing this right? MATT: So far. LAURA: Now I’m going to give us three cards, so we both roll, but we can’t see. That’s good. Okay. MARISHA: Don’t say 'that’s good’. LAURA: Bluffing. How do you know I wasn’t? SAM: I’m going to try to change one of my cards. LAURA: No, wait, there’s rules! SAM: Without you seeing. MATT: Make a sleight-of-hand check. SAM: 12 plus eight, so that’s 20. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: No, he totally did it. She totally did it. This is really hard, Sam. LIAM: You’re only an hour and a half in. SAM: This is my only skill, guys. LAURA: But, you know, that’s my skill, too. SAM: Oh, shit. LAURA: So I’m going to try to do it as well, 'cause that’s my skill as well. MATT: Well, first, what’d you roll for– LAURA: I did not notice him doing it. MATT: Okay, yeah, so you only get to reroll one of the dice. LAURA: Okay, so I’m going to try to reroll one of my three, too. MATT: Go ahead. So make a sleight-of-hand check. LAURA: Oh, right. Oh, shit. SAM: Do I notice her? MATT: Well, roll a perception check. SAM: Nope. LAURA: 13? SAM: No, I rolled three. LAURA: Okay. So the best hand you can get is three of a kind. Then, after that, it’s a straight. A high straight. Then a low straight. Then it’s if you get all evens, or if you get all odds, then it’s two of a kind, then it’s nothing, it’s just high card. Okay, but now we put in a second amount, because you can up the ante, and you get one more card. SAM: I’m out. LAURA: No, but wait, wait, wait. You can put in more money, and then I deal you a different card. You get to give a card back, and then I deal you another card. SAM: Should I? Caleb, do you have any more? LIAM: Because you saved my life yesterday, you may have one more silver piece. LAURA: One more silver. Okay, I’ll keep it low, too, because you’re only doing the one. So I only put in one silver, too. MATT: That’s a four-silver pot. LAURA: Yes. And now give one of your dice back, whichever one you don’t want, and roll it again. MATT: So you get to reroll. SAM: Okay, got it. MATT: And you get to reroll one as well. LAURA: I don’t want to reroll any. Okay. Now you show what you got and we’ll see who wins. SAM: I got a pair of fours. LAURA: I got three fives. SAM: I draw my shortsword. (laughter) MARISHA: I immediately grapple him. MATT: Make an athletics check. You make an acrobatics check. SAM: Acrobatics? 24. MARISHA: 14. MATT: So the female goblin draws a shortsword. You reach out to grab, and she slips out of your grasp and is now holding the blade at the edge of the table. SAM: You’re cheating. Somehow you’re cheating. LIAM: Nott, Nott, that’s fine. That’s fine. She won my two silver pieces. We’ll just leave it at that. SAM: I’m sorry. LIAM: That’s okay. She’s very jumpy sometimes. You can understand; we’ve been living in the woods for a long time. Every time we come near any place like this, we’re attacked, jumped, followed. So I apologize on behalf of– SAM: That was stupid. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. LAURA: No, it’s okay. Just don’t do it again. But I’m sorry I took all this money from your friend. LIAM: That’s making it worse. TRAVIS: Maybe you could give some of it back. LAURA: Why, though? But I won it. SAM: Your Laura is showing. (laughter) LAURA: Tell you what. I’ll give you– none of it back, I can’t! Okay, here’s one silver back– LIAM: No, I insist. LAURA: Okay, but I insist, all the money back. All right, fine, it’s mine, thank you. Yay. SAM: I need another drink. LIAM: A round of Trosts for both our tables, please. LAURA: See? Isn’t that the most fun? SAM: It’s fun. MATT: Yorda looks over and goes, “Any preference of family?” LIAM: Not Baumbauch. MATT: “Von Brandt it is.” MARISHA: I’m impressed that you stuck to taking a guy’s money in a training game. LAURA: Right? Oh, wait, is that bad? MARISHA: Meh. LAURA: Well, I only learned last night, you guys. LIAM: What is a training game? MARISHA: Just meaning when she was teaching. LAURA: People took my money when I was learning. LIAM: It’s fine. It’s water under the bridge. It’s fine. It’s all right. MATT: Another round is brought to your table. You guys can share a solemn post-game drink amongst yourselves. LIAM: If you feel slightly worse, there’s a drink on me. LAURA: Oh jeez, now I’m definitely giving you your two silver back. Don’t worry about it, man. (laughter) SAM: She’s just a couple of wild and crazy guys over here. (laughter) LAURA: Have my baked goods come out yet? MATT: They have. Your meal’s been presented for a while now. You’ve had the opportunity to eat most of your meal. SAM: That’s real. MATT: That is actually real. That’s the power of imagination, Sam. That wasn’t there a second ago. TALIESIN: Bangarang! (laughter) TALIESIN: Right there for you. MATT: So you all finish your independent meals and decide to continue your conversations or go about your business for the day. LAURA: I just want to go to the carnival. LIAM: That’s later tonight, though, isn’t it? MATT: If you have no other business, we can wait until dusk. SAM: Well, there’s that board on the wall. Has anything new been posted on the board? MATT: You go ahead and take a look at it. There is one sheet that pertains to somebody in the Hills Ward looking for folks to go ahead and do an extermination run near the southern portion of the Ustaloch. It looks like there’s what looks to be a vole infestation. TRAVIS: What the fuck is a vole? MATT: It’s a small rat. LAURA: Should we do it? MARISHA: I mean, we have to kill Rodents of Unusual Size. SAM: That doesn’t sound interesting to me at all. TRAVIS: What else is there? MATT: Currently, it looks like there was another sheet that looks like most has been torn off. The rest of the board is pretty empty at the moment. LIAM: DM, did I tear that? I can’t remember. MATT: You did, yes. SAM: Wasn’t it a delivery thing? LIAM: That was what it was, yeah. MATT: It was to help move and load crates at one of the local breweries. SAM: Fuck that. LAURA: We’ve done that. It sucked so much. SAM: You did that? LAURA: Well, by mistake. MARISHA: We played D&D and we moved crates for eight hours. (laughter) TRAVIS: We did, yeah. MATT: Welcome to level two. SAM: We said no to that job, thank you. TRAVIS: We get bored pretty easily. MARISHA: We did, however, then gamble with the other workers and then Jester– yeah. Jester– LAURA: Well, I lost it, but he made so much. TRAVIS: Maybe not out loud say that. Just a thought. MARISHA: Oh, that’s right. We probably shouldn’t. We didn’t make any money. LAURA: Do you guys want company? Do you want us to come and hang out with you today? SAM: I don’t know about that. That sounds risky, I don’t know. LIAM: Do you know something? I, shockingly, think that’s not a bad idea. SAM: To have these weirdos with us? LAURA: I can hear you. LIAM: Yesterday was a very bad day. SAM: Yes. Well, I suppose if we surrounded ourselves with weirdos, then maybe it would take some of heat off of me. LIAM: Well, yes. Bottom line: can you hang with the goblin? LAURA: Bottom line– and I touch Nott’s shoulder, and I cast Blessing of the Trickster. SAM: Oh, Jesus, she’s going to kill me right now. (laughter) SAM: Any magic kills a goblin instantly. Yeah, instantly. (laughter) LAURA: That would be the worst character choice ever. (laughter) LIAM: We will mourn her. Tschuss. MATT: Okay, so there’s a slight sense of warmth that emanates from under her hand, and for a moment, you look over and glance instinctively, ready to almost draw your sword again. But it seems to quicken your reflexes. You have this surge of adrenaline that doesn’t quite fade. LAURA: You have advantage on all your stealth checks. MATT: For the next hour. SAM: Thank you. That’s very nice. TRAVIS: I don’t have a problem with goblins, but you guys aren’t in any trouble, are you? No one’s after you? LAURA: Because she is all kinds of trouble. SAM: No one is after me! TRAVIS: Can I make an insight check? MATT: You may. (laughter) TRAVIS: 13. MATT: 13. If you want to go ahead and try and lie. SAM: That’s a 14, except negative three to performance. TALIESIN: I’ve been waiting for this for so long. SAM: So 11. MATT: So, are you lying? SAM: I am lying. I am definitely on the run from someone. TRAVIS: Good to know. MARISHA: So. Mask. I’m just fascinated by the mask. Looks well-made. Did you make it? SAM: That’s a good fucking question. Did I make it? (laughter) SAM: I don’t make things. MATT: No, I presume– and we discussed this a little bit– we presume it may have been scavenged from a porcelain doll. SAM: Oh, that’s cool. Cool and gross, cool and gross. LAURA: What’s her name? The creepy doll? TRAVIS: Annabelle. (laughter) LAURA: No, don’t say that. I don’t want to see art with you with Annabelle’s face. SAM: Too late. MATT: The internet’s running with that now. SAM: Check your Twitter. TRAVIS: It seems we have all day. What were your plans? LIAM: Not much. We were going to sample the different Trosts, and I wanted to maybe do some book browsing. Nothing major. LAURA: What’s a Trost? MARISHA: Brewery tour! SAM: It’s ale. LAURA: We just can’t go by the Baumbauch ale. SAM: What happened with the Baumbauchs? LIAM: There are two others to choose from, here. MARISHA: They’re who we loaded crates for, and then we kind of swindled their employee. TRAVIS: Didn’t leave on the best of terms. LIAM: DM, which one is the one that everybody knows has got the blessing of Fryda Langer? MATT: No, that is actually the Baumbauch. LIAM: Shit. MATT: Yeah, the Starosta is kind of tied with the Baumbauch family. TALIESIN: We’re imaginary beer snobs now. LAURA: Is that the one you need? LIAM: No, I’m just saying the one that you swindled, it’s got the blessing of the big cheese here. LAURA: Oh. Well. Why do you need it? LIAM: We don’t need it. It’s just pleasurable to have a Trost, is what they say. She kind of needs it. SAM: I need it a little bit. LAURA: You need a beer? SAM: Well, I prefer the harder stuff, but I’ll take what I can get at this point. Yeah, I’m sticking with this fucking accent for the next two years. (laughter) TRAVIS: Laryngitis every Friday. (laughter) MARISHA: So beer tour, then circus? LAURA: I’ve got to say, I miss those two people we ran into at the carnival. TRAVIS: I might just wait for the carnival, actually. MARISHA: Well, if we just montage through a beer tour, we’ll quickly get to the circus. To the carnival! MATT: You can totally do that. LIAM: Can we just bring my book-browsing down to a single roll to see if anything of use– MATT: Yeah, we can do that. We’ll say, if you guys decide to go ahead and travel, the five of you, you make your way through the town for the day, you coast around the Husseldorf family brewery, you meet Voss and June, who are the two very nice ladies who run the facility. The Husseldorf family. You avoid the Baumbauch, but can acquire Baumbauch ale from other taverns in the town, of course. And the von Brandt family brewery. All of them, as soon as you say 'Trost’, they correct you and say the family name. They’re very intent on getting rid of the name 'Trost’ as an overall, discussion of Trost-brand brews, and trying to make it their family name. There’s an offense, to the point where you’re like, “Oh, Jesus. I didn’t realize.” TALIESIN: Like Kleenex and tissue paper? All right. MATT: But you manage to get nice and sauced throughout the day. LIAM: I take it easy. I have one more in the first half of the day, and one in the second half. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I don’t have very much either. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to have tons. MARISHA: I get sauced. MATT: All right, well, that being the case– LIAM: –you are poisoned. MATT: No, make a constitution saving throw. SAM: Well, that was crazy. 12. MATT: 12, okay. You get a little woozy for a while, and as the sun begins to crawl towards the distant horizon, you do not manage to allow your meal to usurp your control. LAURA: Aw, it’s like Ren Faire. MATT: Yeah. Don’t remind me. MARISHA: Good times, good times. MATT: So as the day comes to a close, you’re fairly tipsy, you’re not fully intoxicated. For your trip, you wanted to head to the Hillsbrook Parchment and Binding. LIAM: Is that where I went the last time? Except not as myself. So I’ll go as myself. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make an investigation check. LIAM: All right. Don’t fuck me, Vax. That is– LAURA: That’s Vax. That’s Vax’s dice. LIAM: Yeah, the thing about even a light German accent is that when you say “Vex” and “Vax”, it’s the same shit. (laughter) LIAM: That is a 12. MATT: 12. You take the better part of 30 minutes or so, and you find there’s a lot of books on farming techniques. There’s a lot of books about how to grow, care for different types of vegetation, plants, various beasts of burden. You find books on the different seasons and what’s best for different types of grain and wheats. You manage to pull through and find a couple of books that deal with discussion of the Menagerie Coast that talk about what’s called the Clovis Concord. It’s more of a discussion of the political structure that maintains all the city-states there. LIAM: And the person who ran this place was an older man, right? Just sipping tea. MATT: Yeah, Sheenah, yeah. LIAM: I’m sorry. You have a nice selection here. Do you mind if I ask– I haven’t seen any other booksellers of any kind in town. I’m not really looking for anything on farming, so much. Is there anywhere else I could look into? MATT: “If you’re looking for some sort of a library, your best bet is to go to Zadash up north.” LIAM: Zadash. MATT: “That’s where the Library of the Cobalt Soul resides. They have all the information you could "hope for. A bit pricey to peruse their interior, unless you have proper coverage, but unfortunately "if what we have isn’t what you’re looking for, I can’t help you.” LIAM: No, it’s a fine selection. Sorry. How much for this book on hoe technique? MATT: “Oh! Jamieson’s Hoedown, yes, quite. That will be two silver pieces.” LIAM: Oh. I’m very embarrassed, I’m sorry, I gave away my last two silver pieces. LAURA: No, I gave it back to you, remember? LIAM: I gave away my last two silver pieces, so. Maybe I can earn it back and come back later this week. MATT: “Please do. Do you want me to hold it for you?” LIAM: Yes. MATT: “What’s your name?” LIAM: My name is Caleb Widogast. MATT: “All right. I will keep it here under the shelf. Thank you so much.” LIAM: Okay, good day, thank you. LAURA: Is this a big shop? MATT: It’s a boutique. It’s designed almost like a cross. There’s two cross-sections of hallways that have books across the walls, and there’s a window at the end of each and then a door at the far back. LAURA: While he was talking to the shopkeeper, I’m going to take out as many books as I can and move them around on the shelves, and then take some of them and turn them around to where their binding is facing the inside. MATT: Go ahead and make a sleight-of-hand check. LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: Over the period of him searching and distracting this man, you have completely rearranged the interior of this bookstore, to the point where even in the far corner, you Ghostbusters stack them in the center of the room, floor-to-ceiling, with him not even noticing it. LIAM: You little fucking poltergeist. MATT: You feel confident and happy and a sensation of approval washes over you. All right, so. LAURA: I skip out the door. MATT: Okay. You turn around from having this conversation and notice the interior is not as you last saw it, and a bit of nerves begin to brew up under you. LIAM: Frumpkin, come on. MATT: (meows) Frumpkin follows behind. LIAM: Oh yes! Matt’s got to make cat sounds now! MATT: I didn’t even think about that until now. God damn it. All right, so as you guys have gathered at this point, the oranges and the pinks of dusk begin to peek through the quite-cloudy sky, the chilled air of the coming night sky signalling the Crown’s Guard to begin lighting the hanging lanterns that line the streets of Trostenwald. A renewed energy takes the streets as the sound of a fiddle seems to creep through the night air. SAM: My god, Ashley’s a master fiddler, isn’t she? ASHLEY: Beedle-deedle. (laughter) TRAVIS: I love how your fiddle noises were “beedle-deedle”. ASHLEY: That’s the sound for all instruments, right? SAM: Drums. LIAM: By the way, DM, can I ask– sometime in the entire day, when Nott was getting wasted, could I have spent an hour using Arcane Recovery to gain back that one spell slot I used this morning? MATT: Sure, yeah. I’ll allow that. All right. Folks begin to prod their heads out into the open air, curious about the source of this unusual din, and you find your vision capturing a small procession of flamboyantly dressed people parading through the central road. A lanky man of some obvious elven descent leads the pack, his long, ashy-brown hair curling ever-so-slightly past his mid-back, his long coat and tails knocking around by his skipping step. Two halfling women in purple and green bodysuits dance from side to side, handing flowers to children and flyers to adults, as a bald man in a neck-frilled frock coat of bright red, his face adorned in vibrant orange makeup to look like the setting sun behind him, plays the violin that you heard earlier in an upbeat, jovial manner. A tall half-orc masculine man with a well-groomed handlebar mustache that curves out to the side, billowing white silk shirt and black trousers, follows behind with a big drum slung over his shoulder, going (drumming) along with the fiddle. The tiefling man of lavender skin that you saw earlier walks along with a grin, juggling two curved scimitars as he walks in place, almost loses one and catches it, continues to go. Families are beginning to gather out to see this display. The two dancers part, and then a woman of short, fiery red hair and dark skin walking between them, lifting a small candle before– fwoosh! A giant burst, a gout of flame emerges from the front of her mouth, brightens the vicinity, and everyone collectively gasps and begins cheering and clapping as they continue the walk. There, to the back of it, you see the rather burly-looking pale woman, arms crossed, just following behind and keeping an eye like a security guard to ensure that no business gets out of hand. The gasps and the cheers begin to follow, and as the procession continues down its way, the families and civilians begin to gather and follow behind. As the last bit of the sun sets behind the mountain range, the torches glowing, the procession curves through the center of the Loch Ward to the edge of the Ustaloch itself. Through the fishing village, more folks begin to gather. Do you all follow? ALL: Yeah. LAURA: And I cast Blessing of the Trickster on you again, just in case. SAM: Thank you. MATT: People following the parade, you see faces, eager for this fresh form of entertainment. Children laugh and chatter excitedly, while the Crown’s Guard in their familiar bronze and vermilion uniform try to maintain order between themselves being quite curious or visibly mistrusting of these hooligans that suddenly have usurped the evening air. The procession continues towards the eastern side, out along the southern edge of this Loch Ward, to the Ustaloch’s southern place, towards the new, completely constructed, large, dark blue tent. Lengthy streamers of white and silver flap with the cold winds from the top of the structure. As you guys walk, you watch as the horned tiefling you had approached earlier slowly saunters up to your side, you recognizing these individuals you had spoken with earlier. MARISHA: I go, Molly! Molly, hey! TALIESIN: Oh, it’s my favorites. Hello. LAURA: We came! TALIESIN: I’m so glad you all came to see the show. It’s going to be great tonight. ASHLEY: (deadpan) It’s going to blow you away. (laughter) SAM: The hype continues. ASHLEY: You’re going to love it. TALIESIN: First show of a round’s always the best. Without fail. MARISHA: Where are the best seats? TALIESIN: Well, I’m always partial to the front. Then you’re right in it, if something goes wrong, it’s nothing between you and whatever terrible, bloody mess is going to happen. It’s just the best. MARISHA: What? TALIESIN: Nothing, nothing, you’re fine. ASHLEY: It’s going to be great, but before you go in, I do have to give you guys a pat-down, 'cause you can’t go in with any weapons. MATT: At this point, a voice rings out behind you, you see as the carnival master Gustav glances over your shoulder and goes, “You two, skip ahead, quick. We need to go ahead and set up. Looks like "we’re already having quite a few people excited to come here, so at the door, interior to set up. "Meet us at the front. Actually, you know what? You’ll be on card duty. We need a little extra "change on the side.” TALIESIN: Card duty it is. MATT: “All right. Folks, excited for your patronage.” As he spins around and addresses the whole crowd now and says, “Enjoy the night air. Walk slowly. We need just a moment to set up.” And the half-elf man bows and tips his large– it looks almost like a top hat that gets floppy towards the top and flops forward, and he puts it back on top and begins sauntering, continuing the music, but picking up their pace to get ahead of the crowd as they draw you all slowly towards the exterior tent. And that’s where we’re going to go ahead and take our break. (yelling) TRAVIS: Face is on fire. LAURA: Am I the only one going, do we really have to give up our weapons? I don’t feel okay with this. SAM: Ashley, I’ll do whatever you want, but if you take my weapons I might kill you. ASHLEY: I’d like to see you try. (yelling) MATT: All right, so. We’ll be back here in a few minutes. We’re going to take a quick break. We have our weekly giveaway from our friends at Wyrmwood. We have a white oak complete dice tower system that’s a three-piece set. That’s going to be given away to one of you there in the chat. The password, if I recall, is 'beginnings’. Yeah. This one. If you’re in the Twitch chat, if you want to be part of this, when you’re prompted there, go ahead and enter the word 'beginnings’ once. If you enter it more than once, you’ll get disqualified, so be careful with that. Otherwise, it gets this spamming spree of chaos. So the word is 'beginnings’. When prompted, go ahead and enter that, and we’ll come back from the break with the winner of that. Regardless, guys, welcome to the beginning of the new campaign. (yelling) MATT: We’ll see you here in a few minutes. LIAM: Magic! LAURA: Magic! [break] MATT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Guys! Wow! LIAM: Grenade lobbed in by Foster at the last second. MATT: I know. Welcome back. So, first and foremost, we have our winner of the white oak complete dice tower from our friends at Wyrmwood. The winner is GTDevoto. Congratulations. Denova will reach out to you and get your contact information. Everyone else, thank you for entering. We’ll have more with each future episode of Critical Role, thanks to our friends at Wyrmwood Gaming. Also, as a heads-up for those who aren’t familiar and for those who may be, we have a Tuesday aftershow of this called Talks Machina where our friend W. Brian Foster Esq., just mixing up all of his names– you guys know him, Brian W. Foster, friend of the show, is the host of the show, and he’ll be there Tuesday talking about this episode tonight with some of the cast. 7PM Pacific time on Tuesday. So. Anyway. (laughter) MATT: Bringing us back. TRAVIS: Bring that ass back. SAM: Five dragons swoop down. (laughter) MATT: It’s so hackneyed. As you guys begin to approach the outside of this large, dark navy tent, people are being inspected and ushered through by the well-groomed half-orc on one side, and the pale woman, Yasha, you met for a second time approaching the outskirts of this carnival, with entry fees being collected by both as people begin to pass into this large structure. A few feet off to the side, you see a small crowd gathered around Mollymauk, who is sitting atop a small blanket and has cards splayed before him, a similar set that you saw Jester toying with earlier, and a farmer sits across from him, listening intently. “All right, so what can you "tell me about this here cough?” TALIESIN: How long have you had it? MATT: “Oh, going on like three, four months.” (coughs) TALIESIN: It looks like it’s getting better. Oh yes. Does it feel like it’s getting better? MATT: “Oh, right now? Yeah.” TALIESIN: Yeah, look at that. I would maybe breathe a tincture or something. Let’s– yeah, maybe you should get that looked at. MATT: “From who? What do the cards tell me?” TALIESIN: Some sort of physician, perhaps. MATT: “Right! Of course! Oh, thank you so much.” And he places a– TALIESIN: Platinum Dragon be with you. Thank you. MATT: Stands up. “Dear, a physician!” And he walks off. (laughter) MARISHA: What happened to 'no sick people’? TALIESIN: This is outside the tent. MATT: Yeah, he doesn’t enter the tent. He goes off to the side. MARISHA: Fair. TALIESIN: It’s good to see you all here, though. LAURA: Here’s the thing. Some of us have weapons that we don’t want to pass away to other people, so how much of a chance is it that we could get through without having to do that, you know? ASHLEY: Well, you can’t see the show if you have a weapon on you. LAURA: Right. And we really want to see the show. But, you know, we are really good at security, like all of us are really strong, and we could fight things that came up, too, so maybe it would be best if you don’t take our weapons, and then we could help. MARISHA: Actually, here’s a deal. We’ll make you a good deal. You waive our entry fee and if anyone needs to be kicked out, or any security needs to happen, we’ll help you out. SAM: Like deputy bouncers? MARISHA: Like deputy bouncers. ASHLEY: Well, see, funny thing about that, though, is that’s my job. So. LAURA: So do you want to hire us? ASHLEY: No. MARISHA: You would be like our boss. Have you ever wanted to be a boss? Like, in charge? ASHLEY: Well, I am. LAURA: We could ask you for days off sometimes. MATT: A heavy greenish-grey-skinned mitt slaps onto Beau’s shoulder, as you glance over to see the large, well-groomed half-orc man standing there. “I’m terribly sorry, but we’ve got it taken "care of. If you wish to pay entry, you can, but the rules are the rules. So sorry.” LIAM: Do they get stored in some sort of locker or something? ASHLEY: I hold them. And if you want, I can stand right next to you guys. You can keep your eye on me the whole time. TALIESIN: She’s very trustworthy. LIAM: That seems fair-ish to me. MATT: “Yasha, does that seem– all right.” MARISHA: I look at him as I take his hand off. What’s your name, by the by? MATT: “Bo.” MARISHA: Good name. MATT: “Thank you.” LIAM: Well, that’s funny, because your name is also Beau. MATT: “Really?” MARISHA: You didn’t have to– maybe let me choose when to tell people– MATT: “No, no, I’m curious about this. How do you spell your name?” MARISHA: Well, it’s short for Beauregard. MATT: “Oh, mine’s just B-O.” MARISHA: That’s unfortunate. I mean, it’s great. Did kids make fun– never mind. MATT: “It’s not inaccurate.” And he flicks the side of his mustache. (laughter) LAURA: Like, is his mustache especially B.O.-y? Like, what? That’s really gross. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Ew. I don’t want to perceive this. I’m glad I didn’t roll very well. MARISHA: Can I make an insight check? Is he a creep or is he just– MATT: Make an insight check. Eight? Thankfully, you’re not in proximity enough to catch a whiff of his mustache. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: Okay. Interestingly enough, he seems very well put-together. And he seems like he’s just fucking with you. He’s having fun, and he’s messing with you, and he’s just casual and competent and actually pretty well-groomed. He doesn’t smell. And he seems more just enjoying the discourse. MARISHA: It’s funny, see, my name’s Beau because my parents wanted a son. MATT: “Well. If it helps with any other confusion, call me the Breaker. Well, if you see the rest of "the show, perhaps you’ll see why I got my name.” LAURA: Are you in the show, too? MATT: And he cracks his arms. “I am. Towards the end.” TRAVIS: Now I want to see the show. MATT: “Well then. May I?” You can see now the crowd’s starting to queue up behind you pretty heavily. “Besides, if you’re going to enter, we’ve got to get through the rest of this riff-raff. Do "you wish to join in?” LIAM: I pull– all I have is a dagger, but I just hand it to Yasha. LAURA: Just one dagger? ASHLEY: I promise you I will give it back. LIAM: Yes, here you go. ASHLEY: I promise you I will give you all of your weapons back. LAURA: Pinky-swear me, Yasha. ASHLEY: Ugh. I don’t like– LAURA: Yeah! Now we’re best friends. Here’s my sickle. MARISHA: I have a staff, but I also use it as a walking stick, so I like to keep it on me. TALIESIN: Can you not walk around without it or something? LAURA: She has a really bad limp. MARISHA: Sometimes I get a little twinge, a little disc issue. TALIESIN: Can you hand me your staff so I can watch this? I want to see this limp of yours. Purely for my own entertainment. MARISHA: Are you patronizing me, Mollymauk? TALIESIN: No, I’m hoping that you’re going to patronize us. (laughter) MARISHA: Can I keep my stick? (laughter) ASHLEY: How about this? I’ll take it, and I can just carry you to your seat. MARISHA: Deal. LAURA: How are you carrying all of these weapons? ASHLEY: Because I’m really fucking strong. (laughter) ASHLEY: You. Can I give him a pat-down, because you’re– MATT: Sure, roll an investigation check. I’ll give you advantage because you’re really good at this. LIAM: I open up the coat just so she can see the books. ASHLEY: I don’t think I find anything. 12. MATT: You find two books and a modicum of change and nothing else on him. He’s actually pretty sparse as far as collectibles and keepsakes. ASHLEY: I just thought your chest looked rather square, so I wanted to see what was happening. LIAM: I’m practically concave. Is it concave or convex, I forget? ALL: Concave. MARISHA: Convex would be funny. (laughter) SAM: I’ll hand her my shortsword, but not my little crossbow. MATT: Okay, make a sleight-of-hand check to try and hide that. SAM: Four. Oh, wait. 12. MATT: You have advantage on that, technically, right? Dexterity checks? SAM: Well, did you give me dexterity or just stealth? How does that work? LAURA: I think it’s just stealth checks with the blessing. MATT: Let me double-check that real fast. ALL: Going to the book. MATT: What the heck! SAM: We’re playing First Edition, right? MATT: No, it is stealth. You’re correct. Yeah. LAURA: Sorry, I wish I wouldn’t have said it and then you could have had advantage just then, but I’m not a cheater. SAM: No, you’re not. LIAM: Out of game. MATT: You see him slowly pocketing this crossbow. ASHLEY: No, no, no. Little girl. SAM: I’m just a little girl. ASHLEY: Give me your other weapon. SAM: This is a toy for little children. All right, here. I’m sorry. LAURA: Are you keeping track of what goes with what person? Because it’s a lot. TALIESIN: She’s very good at this. ASHLEY: I’m very good. LIAM: I just drag Nott five feet over. That is two strikes against you. I think we should really just sort of enjoy the show tonight. SAM: All right. But what if someone attacks us? LIAM: Well, I’ll handle that for you, okay? SAM: All right. MARISHA: Also, little girls don’t tend to tell people they’re little girls. SAM: This is my first time. (laughter) LIAM: When someone is a goblin in the middle of a town where people hate goblins– LAURA: Stop saying the word 'goblin’. People are going to hear you. SAM: I mean, she’s kind of right. (laughter) LIAM: Technically, I dragged her away, but you know, D&D is funny with what is known and not. TALIESIN: I heard you over the earring. ALL: Aww. LIAM: RIP. ASHLEY: Wait, I didn’t get your weapon. TRAVIS: Hah. ASHLEY: Do you want to stare at me all day, or do you want to give me the weapon so you can go watch the show? TRAVIS: That’s an interesting choice. ASHLEY: It’s not really a choice. TRAVIS: Sure. MATT: What do you pull out? TRAVIS: My falchion. SAM: Your what? MATT: A falchion, a large, curved sword, emerges from a sheath on his back. SAM: What is that? ALL: It’s a large, curved sword. (laughter) ASHLEY: I twist it around a little. Play with it. This is nice. TALIESIN: Very nice. ASHLEY: I like it. SAM: It’s a falchion! LAURA: You’re going to hang out with us the whole night? ASHLEY: I’ll hang out beside you so you can watch. MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: 11, that’s enough. As she spins the falchion around, you notice that, affixed to her back, in uncharacteristically clean leather towards the rest of her outfit, what appears to be a slung-over sheath and a very large bladed weapon, larger than your falchion, affixed to her back. MARISHA: I just like how everyone says 'falchion’. LIAM: It’s pronounced 'felching’. (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m going to pick up my cards in a very specific order very quickly and start stacking the deck. ASHLEY: All right, well. If you want to follow me, I’ll take you to your seats and I’ll stand beside you the whole time. TRAVIS: Fucking lead the way. TALIESIN: Hey, Jester. Before you go. Tiefling to tiefling, and thank you for keeping this rabble in check. LAURA: Of course, you know, they’re a lot to handle. TALIESIN: One on the house. And I pull two cards. LAURA: Yes? What are you telling me? TALIESIN: I pull the Moon and I pull the Shadow. Does this mean anything to you? LAURA: Oh, yes. TALIESIN: Well, think about it. Put it away. ASHLEY: Beau. MATT: Both her and the half-orc turn to you. ASHLEY: Little one. I just go over and I fireman-style over my shoulder. Since you can’t walk. MARISHA: Oh. (laughter) MATT: Just carries her right in. Perfect. MARISHA: I turn back to the rest of them. TALIESIN: Such grace! Such form! Such dignity! TRAVIS: The birds are out already. MATT: At which point, the other Bo, Bo the Breaker, goes ahead and collects five copper from each of you as you pass through, so mark off five copper, except for the two of you, you guys are part of it. LAURA: If I skip around, will I be part of the show and then I don’t have to pay? TALIESIN: Weirdly, being part of the show means you strangely pay more. I’m not entirely sure how that works. LIAM: Nott, do you have five copper? SAM: For you, Caleb, I do. LIAM: No, I’m not asking. I was going to help you, but if you have it, you’re good. SAM: No, you’ve been spotting me all day, I’ll take care of both of us. ASHLEY: Mollymauk. That Jester’s adorable. TALIESIN: I know. Highly entertained. ASHLEY: I like her. TALIESIN: I do too. MATT: So, stepping into the interior of the tent, the rocky floor filled with grass and dirt and various flattened groundscape on the outskirts of the Ustaloch, you can see a thick, heavy tarp-like material hitting the very edge where the heavy dark blue cloth hangs from the sides of the tent you’re within. You can see where the seating is guided across the floor, and there, already in a very packed room, you see a few dozen townsfolk that have begun to gather in a semicircle. There is the entrance flap of the tent where you guys are walking in. As soon as you walk in, you can see a central pillar, a heavy column of wood, a tree that has been completely rounded off on all sides, held aloft to carry the top of the canopy of the tent itself. And across the way, you can see a larger flap tent that is currently closed that appears to be probably the performers’ entrance. You can see above you four hanging lanterns that glow with what seems like a flicker of light, but the pattern to them is consistent, meaning it’s not probably natural flame. Children and people are beginning to mash around the sides, and the space along the edges of the interior of this tent is starting to get a little cramped. Where do you guide them, Yasha? ASHLEY: Did you guys want to sit in the front row? SAM: That’s what we were told is the best seat in the house. ASHLEY: We want to sit in the front row. MATT: So there’s– if you consider a semicircle pattern here, there’s– if you’re entering, you can go front to the right, front to the left, front to the center, anywhere in between. Where would you like to be currently sitting? ASHLEY: Front and center? Or do you want to be on the sides? LAURA: Front and center! ASHLEY: I take them to the front and center. MATT: Front and center, okay. LIAM: I’m going to keep my hand on my meager purse for the evening. MATT: Okay. LAURA: As soon as I sit down, I’m going to pull out my sketchbook and draw the moon and the shadow card that Molly showed me. MARISHA: As we’re walking over, I say, hey, Yasha, 'cause I was totally on your shoulder, heard you talking about my friend, Jester. ASHLEY: Ah, shit. MARISHA: Yeah. ASHLEY: I didn’t mean anything by it. I just– MARISHA: No, dude. No, she’s never mentioned a significant other, so, I mean. ASHLEY: Oh, I’m not looking for anything, I just– MARISHA: Will you hold me through the show? (laughter) MARISHA: Like, cradle me? ASHLEY: That’s an extra charge. We do do that, though. MARISHA: How much? ASHLEY: Well, it’s an extra five gold pieces. MARISHA: Five gold? ASHLEY: These arms are worth a lot. TALIESIN: It’s a very swaddling hug. You’ve never experienced anything like it. ASHLEY: It’s the best way to see the show, if that’s how you want it. MARISHA: I’ll give you five silver just to have your shrug to sit on so my butt’s not on the floor. ASHLEY: I don’t take off my shrug. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. ASHLEY: How about you just keep your money and I’ll put you in a chair and I’ll just watch over your weapons. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: So she places you on the ground, as there are no chairs. ASHLEY: On the ground, I mean, because there’s no chairs. LAURA: Oh, there’s no chairs? Aw. I was picturing benches. That’s okay. TRAVIS: There’s no benches? Oh, fuck. MATT: Where are they going to transport benches from place to place? ASHLEY: That’s a good point. TRAVIS: Carnival? I don’t know. (laughter) MATT: Well, sorry, you have Fletching and Moondrop to deal with. TALIESIN: Bring a cushion from home like a regular person. MATT: So, as the music has died down and everyone begins to crowd in and whisper to themselves, eventually it begins to quiet a bit, everyone having their seats. The familiar sound of the fiddle begins to play, and everyone quickly gets quiet, down to a hush. The music seems sourceless in the interior of the tent. Everyone begins to look around to see where it may come from. You hear points of hushed “look"s, pointing off in different areas, and at the top of the tent, you see, seeming to stretch and fall, like a slow drop of water, the man in red you saw earlier descends from the top of the tent, but now dressed head-to-toe in a matching deep blue outfit and full makeup, to where he appears out of the canopy of the tent. He hangs from a rope by one foot, it’s wrapped around and clutched as his foot catches the edge. Playing his violin ever-so-slowly as he carefully descends, and then at the last moment releases the rope and lands on his feet, continuing the music he’s playing. He slowly spins as the longer-haired elf leader of the earlier parade that you saw, the one that had marked back briefly to your two new friends over here, enters the tent from the distant flaps, the performers’ entrance, his head now sporting that same tall hat, flopping backwards at the apex. He extends his arms, removing the hat, and takes a deep bow as the crowd begins to clap. (applause) MATT: "Ladies and gentlemen of Trostenwald, I am Carnival Master Gustav Fletching, and allow me to "welcome you to the Fletching and Moondrop’s Traveling Carnival of Curiosities.” (applause) MATT: “I ask you, each and every one of you–” You hear some children giggle as he makes eye contact. “–grant us your imaginations this eve but a trifle bit of time, and allow us to reveal a realm "of laughter, mystery, danger, and beauty. I see you’ve already met Desmond.” And he gestures towards the man in all blue who’s playing the fiddle. “He’ll be part of our story tonight, so "keep a wily eye for the shifting fool. But first, I tell you a tale of two sisters of the Fey.” And as Desmond slowly leaves the tent, you see two armored guards by where he is now have entered, two of the Crown’s Guard are stepping by the entrance where he walked in, watch him pass. “Lost "without form into the mazes of the underworld. There, where the body would break, they found a "teacher in a mystical serpent, and the gift they received was the ability to bend with this maze "that captured them and slither their way back to the surface to reclaim their place in the world. "May I present to you Mona and Yuli, the Knot Sisters.” As he slowly backs through the performers’ entrance, the two halfling dancers you saw earlier, in the full bodysuits, emerge from behind the Carnival Master as he discreetly exits. They sport serpentine makeup, scales affixed to the sides of their face and arms. Approaching the central spire, the pole that holds the tent up, one immediately leaps onto the shoulders of the other, bending her back a near-impossible amount, creating this humanoid sculpture that you see the front row cringe at the idea of the pain that would cause an average individual. But these halflings are very nimble and able to create almost a single form out of two bodies. Their rigid form becomes fluid to the eye as they move and shift to the music, the violin now sourceless once again, not seeing where this Desmond is placed, but they seem to move as it picks up speed. LAURA: (whispers) It’s like the serpent we fought, you guys! SAM: I was expecting more Ringling Brothers, actually. (laughter) MATT: Suddenly, the top one folds over and slams into the ground, tumbling across the center in a wild display of physical control. The two of them begin to tangle and wrap like two battling snakes, their bodies seemingly disconnecting from the rigid halfling forms you had seen, and you swear, for a moment, becoming serpentine-like as they intertwine around the base of this pole. It’s beautiful and violent at the same time. It’s off-putting. And watch as they curl around the base of this pole, the lights above begin to become a dull greenish-blue, and get darker and darker, presenting this imagery of the underworld. One by one, they silently tell a tale of struggle, crawling across one, then the other, one at a time, using their serpentine-like forms as an extending ladder, folding over each other as they use every muscle in their body to cling around this pole and ladder-step up like a snake. It’s a very strange but alluring sight, and you can’t help but notice that you forget that these are two halfling girls, and you find yourself pulled into this wordless story they tell of climbing back to their place, to the surface, towards the dark sky of lightless blue cloth. As the baubles that contain the interior light of the tent begin to glow brighter and brighter, their climbing becomes more fevered. The two of them, arm into arm, leg into leg, rolling up and swirling, until eventually at the apex they grab each other’s arms around the pole before spinning downward, back-to-back, legs outward, with a rapid pace, the music coming to a full crescendo. Like a Maypole, they both curl and twirl and then tumble to the ground before the audience with a flourish, arms in the air, and the audience erupts in applause. (applause) MATT: As they both begin to back away, smiles on their faces, nodding to each other, Gustav emerges once more from the performers’ flap. The fool appears at the back entrance again, taking an ominous tune with his violin this time, his outfit no longer blue but deepset black. The hanging lights darken once again as Gustav takes the center stage. “In a flash, beyond the ash, the "gods all went and gone. The darkness came to grasp, reclaim, and suffocate the dawn.” Suddenly, out of the darkness behind him, a burst of flame lights the room. “But from that night, a burning "light doth keep back shadows’ bane. The strength to fight will set alight the morning sun again. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Ornna the fire fairy.” And Gustav leaves the tent once more. As you watch, a pair of metallic fans, alight with flame, now frame the beautiful woman of short red hair you had seen before in the procession. Gustav slinks into the darkness and vanishes as Ornna spins in hypnotic twirl, her simple dress of golds and reds almost glowing in the firelight around her, the flickering of the flames giving her the visage of a warrior-goddess battling the dark that surrounds. The frenzied fiddle of the fool picks up as she twirls the fans in her grasp, her face stoic and graceful simultaneously. The hushed awe of the audience fills the air, watching this magnificent warrior strike at the shadows, the lights above flickering brighter with each spin and dive, banishing the shadows from the room. She matches the pace of the music, drawing to a crescendo, and leaps, and barrel-turns and climaxes with her striking a powerful pose as the lights rocket to a victorious luminescence. Once again, the crowd goes crazy. (applause) LAURA: This is really different than most carnivals that I’ve gone to. SAM: It’s very artistic, yeah. MATT: Gustav enters as she exits with a bow, the fans flickering out. He enters clapping at Ornna. A low drumbeat begins to beat in the distance as the fiddle grows tense once more. “Even as the sun "would rise anew, bellowing roars will quake the lands of Xhorhas and beyond. Terrible beasts, now "freed from their dark masters, scattered into our world.” (roars) A terrible, guttural roar shakes the room, followed by the sounds of grinding and dragged chains. From behind the performers’ flap, the half-orc, Bo, who you’d met earlier, the Breaker, and the fool, who is now still playing the fiddle, yet the bow of it continues to go on its own as he drags the other chain with his arm, wrapped around his forearm. The two of them pull something through the flap. It swells, and from beneath it is revealed an enormous creature of green scales, slimy-looking skin, and a corpulent form, large toad-like legs frame a rotund torso, and muscular arms that are manacled and pulling him in. It fights and wrestles against the taut chains as it’s pulled further and further towards the center of the tent, but is held in place by the two men. It roars a second time. (roars) The front row immediately pulling back and screaming. You hear kids begin to cry. A handful of townsfolk shoot to their feet, grasping the children in fear, preparing to run. LAURA: Have we ever seen anything like this before? MARISHA: Yeah, what’s it look like? LAURA: Well, he just described what it looked like. MARISHA: By name. MATT: You have not seen this creature. Gustav continues, seemingly unflinched by its approach. “The devil-toad crawls hungrily–” SAM: But what does it look like? (laughter) MATT: “–into the land of the free folk, lording over nightmares as they say, and what truth lies "behind the eyes of this beast? What would be learned when the guiding heart of innocence "pierces the hateful soul and brings it to see beauty for the first time? I present to you the "vivid voice of Toya.” And as Gustav backs away, the devil-toad struggling against the chains, a soft, faint voice begins to slowly emanate from the air– (a voice appears in the background music) (exclamations) MATT: Eyes previously locked on the frightening creature now seek a source and find, atop a platform within the chamber, high up on a small platform set against the apex of the pole, a young dwarven girl, maybe 12 years of age, her braided golden hair clasped and her hands at her side, a white dress obscuring her feet. She sings with a mystifying, mature voice that pierces your hearts with joy, unexpectedly and uncontrollably. The crowd audibly gasps as one, the entrancing song of this girl bringing every person into this music. The devil-toad stops struggling against the chains, seemingly caught by the sound of her voice. Its face drops into a soft smile as it slowly walks towards the base of the pole and sits. The half-orc and the fool drop the chains and back away, leaving the beast free in its rapture. Her voice almost begins to summon a chorus from the ether, magical in nature, as there are no others but her joining into this piece. Her smile is infectious, and you can’t tear your eyes away. You only now realize the tears down your cheeks, but you cannot break your gaze. From the front row of the audience, on the left, a man stands up, his arms outstretched towards her. His dirtied cloak falls away, his face and skin wracked with age. You see his legs shaking as he stands, his cheeks wet with tears. He shouts (exclaims). His arms drop and clutch his chest. Gurgles a burst of vocal pain once more, and folks nearest to him begin to lean away as he begins to shake. You glance over as the old man yells out once more, as the skin on his arms suddenly begins to tear, the bones splitting from the flesh, writhing, cracking. Dust and blood shake from his wounds as his form swells. Screams begin to ring out from the audience around him, people rising up and running for the exit. Chaos breaks into the room around you. Toya’s song abruptly ends, the little girl looking down with fright in her eyes, the devil-toad glancing about worriedly, the half-orc and the fool rushing up beside him to look at the transforming man. The half-orc yells, escorting patrons to the exit, “Everyone! Leave the tent now! Kylre–” As he points to the devil-toad. “–get her to safety.” The devil-toad glances up and leaps with a sudden gust of strength to the top and grabs the center pole of the room as it begins to almost quiver to his weight. He grabs the little girl safely under his arm and leaps back down. What are you all doing? LAURA: I invoke Duplicity. MATT: You watch as her form suddenly dissipates into multiple seemingly copies of her form as Jester. TRAVIS: Yasha? We’re going to need those weapons back. MARISHA: I turn to Mollymauk and go, man, I thought it was kind of lame at first, but this is awesome! TALIESIN: Everyone get out right now. MARISHA: This isn’t part of the show? TRAVIS: Not part of the show. SAM: It’s too artsy. MATT: The old man’s body stops quaking, his flesh now grey and mangled like an ancient tree trunk. He turns, his eyes blood-red and bulging, his lips curled into a horrifying grimace. The two Crown’s Guard begin to try and make their way through the panicked crowd, but the people, like a wave of chaos, are keeping them at bay. I need everyone to roll initiative. (yelling) LIAM: The miniatures come out, guys! TRAVIS: First map! (yelling) MARISHA: I rolled a natural one. SAM: That bodes well. MATT: So you guys, this guy is actually over here. You guys are all up here in the front. LAURA: Oh yeah, we were right in the fucking front row. Look at us! We’re so cute! TALIESIN: Oh my god, it’s so pretty. SAM: We’re all going to die. LIAM: Probably. But then the third campaign begins. LAURA: Yay. SAM: I like the tents and donkeys outside. Amazing. MARISHA: Look, Taliesin, it’s a bardo. Oh my god! TALIESIN: No, go for it. Oh boy. MATT: All right, so. 20 to 15? LAURA: 21. MATT: All right. LAURA: Oh, wait, 22. MATT: Nice. 15 to ten? TALIESIN: Ten. SAM: Ten. TRAVIS: 12. ASHLEY: 13. LIAM: 11. MATT: So 13 and then ten and ten? Sorry, 12. So Yasha got 13, then we have Fjord. And then 11. And then we have Nott at ten. And what’d you get? MARISHA: Five. Rolled terribly. MATT: There we go. Okay, so. Top of the round, as this creature turns and glares about in the area, this swollen form over here to the side, that’s what remains of the old man who had stood up in the center of the chamber. Jester, you’re up first. LAURA: Okay. Well, I’m just going to go for it, all right? I’m going to cast Guiding Bolt on the monster that just appeared. MATT: Okay, as it turns towards you. It’s a saving throw, correct? LAURA: Let’s find out. You make a ranged spell attack. MATT: Go ahead and roll on that. LAURA: Okay, okay. SAM: Magic, you’re using magic. LAURA: Well, it’s cocked. It was 20 and then it rolled. SAM: You said cocked. LIAM: You’re a cock. LAURA: That’s 11 plus– what do I add to my– Guiding Bolt, plus five. So 16. MATT: 16 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Yay. 4d6. MATT: Yasha, you’re almost on deck. LAURA: Ten, 16, 18, and then any attacks in the future– the next attack has advantage. MATT: How much damage was that? 2d6, 18? SAM: 4d6, you said. LAURA: Yeah, it was 4d6 radiant damage. So yeah, it was 18. And then I’m going to run the opposite direction away from him, but I’m going to keep my duplicate up there. MATT: Okay, which, for your duplicate, I should go ahead and grab something. TALIESIN: Oh, you’ve got toys. LAURA: That backpack’s almost as big as my dice bag. MATT: Almost. I was like, that’s right, you can do this, so I need to pull out– we’ll say for the purposes of this, you’re– we’ll put you– this will be your duplicate, wherever you want to move it from where you are, so she moves there. LAURA: So she’s going to stay here. I can’t reach that far, but. Oh, shit, sorry. MATT: Just let me know where. There? LAURA: Sorry, I didn’t realize it was– MATT: You can get there. LAURA: Okay, sounds good. MATT: Okay, so that ends your turn. At the top of your turn, this creature closest to one of the people nearby screaming, this young woman who’s trying to back away, it just turns toward her and grabs and tries to tear into her with two strikes. The first one, that is actually going to miss. She ducks out of the way and begins crawling across the ground as it goes for a second attack. That, however, does hit, it’s a 16. That’ll do it. So with eight points of bludgeoning damage, it reaches down and slams its fist into her chest, and as it does, she gives out this horrible yelp as it rips into her and begins gnawing into her flesh and pulls away with a mouthful of it and stands up, its eyes scanning the room for the next possible victim. It’s going to begin to stalk forward, coming up to that guy. All right, Yasha, your turn. ASHLEY: Okay. How close am I to them– I want to give them their weapons. MATT: You’re right there. You’d have to– You’re pretty close to everybody. You could distribute– you could use your action to toss the weapons out to everybody this turn, I’ll say. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll pass my weapons out this turn. MATT: Okay, so you’ll spend your action throwing them out to the individuals. So your shortsword and crossbow clatter to the ground, and you quickly scramble to grab them. Caleb’s dagger falls at his foot. Your staff gets tossed quickly from behind you. Your falchion meets your arm. SAM and MARISHA: Falchion. MATT: All right. That ends Yasha’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Can I run up with the falchion within melee? MATT: You actually rush through Jester’s form. You watch the image dissipate as you charge through it and meet up, face-to-face, with this large, gnarled, horrible-looking creature. What are you doing? TRAVIS: Ripping the falchion, can I swing it into the creature? MATT: You may. LAURA: And you get advantage. TRAVIS: I do? Thank god, because that was a one. 18. MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. SAM: It’s a real fight! MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: 11. SAM: We’ve got like a dozen hit points, we’ll be okay. MATT: All righty. That ends your turn? All right, you’re done. That brings us to Caleb. LIAM: I would like to use my movement to push as far into the crowd as I can. MATT: Okay, going through the crowd is– LIAM: Half-movement? That’s fine, sure. I just want people in front of me. MATT: Push through to about there. You end up pushing a kid out of the way. LIAM: That’s great. That’s exactly fine with me and I will pull out the diamond and cast Chromatic Orb, and I will send a ball of cold at the creature that Fee-ord– Fjord– MATT: All right, go ahead and make a spell attack. LIAM: Yes, here it comes. SAM: Watch out for Fee-ord. (laughter) LIAM: My goodness. That is a 17. MATT: 17 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Isn’t Chromatic Orb like a really strong spell? LIAM: No. MATT: There’s Prismatic Spray. Chromatic is the starter version. LIAM: That is nine. ALL: Nein! MATT: (German accent) All right, very well done, Caleb. LIAM: (thicker German accent) Now is the part where we dance. MATT: So as you push the child out of the way, turn, putting your pocketed diamond out in front of you, you focus and you watch as this beam of light blue energy streaks past, just barely coasting between a few heads. It slams into this creature, as crystals form where the wound and impact was. It cracks back into place where it was. End of your turn? All right. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay. Having seen the beautiful dwarven– girl, was it? Who sang and soothed a monster earlier in the show, I’m going to attempt to sing and soothe this monster. So I step forward and I open my mouth, and I sing, (singing badly) And I will always soothe you! LAURA: Can I shoot an arrow at Nott? LIAM: He’s killing the memory of Scanlan. MARISHA: I know, can’t let that go. MATT: Make a performance check. SAM: Performance check. Ooh, it’s really good. 18, minus three, so that’s 15. MATT: Okay. As you’re singing out this discordant sound, folks nearby are covering their ears and glancing back and looking in surprise at this strange creature giving off this– SAM: Does it die? MATT: No. However, it now, after taking a few hits nearby, its red eyes– or at least one red eye slips over to look in your direction. That’s as much of an effect. SAM: Fuck! (laughter) MATT: Do you want to move, or are you going to stay there? SAM: Yes, I’m going to move, and I’m going to dash behind somebody in the crowd, some weak-looking individual. MATT: Okay. You can get behind there. Okay. All right, that ends your turn? LIAM: That’s our M.O., baby! MATT: Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Oh shit, okay. To RP my tragic one on the first fucking battle a little bit, I’ll turn to everybody and go, guys, no, it’s part of the show. Molly said that people die. She was just a claque. Okay. And then I run and I’m going to tackle the zombie guy. Can I see if I can grapple him? MATT: You can certainly, on the first attack. Go for it. Make an athletics check. MARISHA: Just straight athletics. Oh god. Do I keep that? It’s not good. (laughter) MARISHA: Seven. MATT: 17. You attempt with your first strike, and the creature just breaks away. Its strength is far more than you imagined it would be from what was originally an elderly-looking frame. MARISHA: I go, oh, fuck that. I don’t know if that’s true, and I’m going to do a flurry of blows and do two, pop-pop. That’s unarmed, right? Pop-pop. MATT: That is correct. MARISHA: I do two, right? MATT: Yes, if you’re using your ki point to do that, yes. MARISHA: Yes, I am. So first one, it’s plus six? Okay. First one is 19. No, 20. First one is 20 total, and then the second one is 15 total. MATT: Both hit. Roll damage for each. MARISHA: Okay. Not great. SAM: What are those dice? MARISHA: They’re d4s, they’re just fancy d4s. Yeah. That is four, eight, 11 points of damage. MATT: Between both? Great. So after the grapple fails and it pushes you away, you go ahead and pull back and then leap, kick it in the chest and then uppercut it in the chin. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s cool. MATT: Looks back towards you. So that would be putting you up base-to-base with it there. All righty. Ending your turn? Okay, at that point, the crowd is now screaming and begins to swell and push in this direction. These folks all begin to run back and around this way. This crowd begins to push, the guards are trying to push forward, and they can only get a little ways forward to there and there. Everyone just shifts out this direction. LAURA: God, somebody’s going to get trampled. SAM: It’s really a hazard. They should have had more exits. LAURA: I mean, it’s a fire hazard, for sure. MATT: Caleb and Nott, I need you both to make dexterity saving throws. SAM: 15. LIAM: Oh, pretty good. That is 17 for me. MATT: All right. You both manage to just bob and weave through the crowd to prevent being trampled and backing away from the chaos as people are pushing through. The entrance is too small for everyone to leave, and there’s now a giant bottleneck that’s beginning to push up as people are now screaming and trying to get out. They’re crying, and the chaos is just swelling into this absolute cacophony. As soon as that finishes, the devil-toad carrying the dwarven girl, who was given a decree, exits out back with her to get her to safety. These two begin to slowly back away, seeing that things seem to be handled? And the guards making their way in are looking scared at each other, not really knowing what to make of the current chaos. At that point, you watch as the woman whose chest was torn into by this creature suddenly– (groaning) MATT: –snaps up into place. LAURA: Oh, shit. Okay, we have to keep them from being dead. MATT: Top of the round. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Oh, god. MATT: What was your initiative again? TALIESIN: Ten. MATT: Ten, oh, shit. That’s right, you’re with Nott, that’s what happened. So Molly, you go ahead and go for your turn as well. My apologies. TALIESIN: I’m going to yell to the back, open the tent wide! And I’m going to pull– how far away am I? MATT: You’re right there. You’re in the middle of the crowd as it’s swarming around you and Yasha. TALIESIN: (sighs) I’m going to run around and see if I can flank that creature, if I can move towards flanking that creature with the other two. MATT: You can’t really flank it, but you can get next to it. TALIESIN: All right. Can I get close enough to take a shot? MATT: You can, yeah. TRAVIS: Take a shot? SAM: You have guns? TALIESIN: Well, old habit. (laughter) TALIESIN: As a bonus, I’m flipping it out, and I’m going to activate the first sword. MATT: Okay, so you watch as Molly pulls the scimitar out, and as he unsheathes it, draws it across the side of his exposed chest, causing a little bit of blood to spill out, and as it does, he pulls the blade out, and you watch as the edge, suddenly, ice crystals begin to build on the outside of the blade. TALIESIN: And I’m taking a shot at the creature. SAM: Taking a shot? TALIESIN: Taking a slice. LAURA: Taking a stab. SAM: But with bullets. TALIESIN: That’s 21 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: That’s not bad. That’s eight points of damage and one point of ice damage. MATT: Okay, so nine points of damage on the first strike. TALIESIN: No, that was my bonus. MATT: That was your bonus, that’s all you’ve got. Okay. So one strike, you cut across, and you watch as you cut this wide wound open, exposing the fleshy organs’ interior, but they’re frozen where the wound cut through, and it’s still holding it together. It’s looking like it’s starting to hurt a bit and fall apart slightly. SAM: This is the bigger monster? MARISHA: So it’s the one I’m fighting? MATT: Yes. So that ends your turn, Molly? Brings us to the top. So Jester, sorry, back to you. LAURA: Oh, now I’m worried. I’m worried about the undead. I don’t know. Well, I don’t think I would know this, so it’s okay. I’m going to say to the air and say, dude, are you here, because this is like the coolest shit we’ve ever seen! And then I’m going to cast Toll the Dead on the first zombie creature guy. And there’s a bell that tolls. MATT: Toll the Dead. MARISHA: Oh, that’s fucking rad, dude. LAURA: He has to make a wisdom saving throw or take 1d12 necrotic damage. MATT: Natural one. Go ahead and roll a d12. LAURA: Oh, three. That’s lame. MATT: Three points of necrotic damage. So as this deep temple bell rings out in the air above, you watch as this creature who has turned and is beginning to just whale upon the surrounding allies that are curling at its sides, it seems to retract from the sound and cover its ears briefly before angrily lashing out. LAURA: And I made that sound like it was coming from my duplicate, and my duplicate’s going to run back a little bit and stand next to the pole. Yeah. MATT: Cool. Is that your turn? All right. The standing creature that’s now been sliced, bludgeoned, and wounded by all three of you, is going to go ahead and make two strikes at– roll randomly to see who it goes for. That’s going to be at Beauregard. It swings at you twice, both with its giant massive clawed fists, just striking out towards you. First one is 17 to hit? MARISHA: My armor class is 17. MATT: Nine points of bludgeoning damage as the first one just slams you in the chest. You feel the wind knocked out of you for a brief second. The second swing’s going to come at you. That’s going to be a 20 to hit. MARISHA: Yup, yup, that hits. TRAVIS: This thing’s swinging hard. Holy shit. MATT: And that’s going to be six points of bludgeoning damage to you. LIAM: What are you at, girl? MARISHA: Don’t worry about it. I’m bad. MATT: It slams into you once with the fist, and the other one grabs into your stomach, abdomen region, and the claws dig in, and its jaw unhinges and drops like a snake’s. MARISHA: I turn to Fjord and I go, I’m not a claque, this show’s bullshit. MATT: The other one is going to rush over towards you, Mollymauk, as you’re the closest one to it, and is going to take one swing at you. TALIESIN: Yeah, no. I’m going to use Blood Maladict. MATT: Okay, so you’re using a reaction? You don’t have to roll anything for it. He just has disadvantage on the strike. TALIESIN: Oh, that’s right, because I’m not doubling it up. MATT: That’ll do it. He rolled a 16 and then a four. So as it swings towards you, you watch as suddenly the reddish burning eyes of the second creature go black, and it goes way too wide and misses you. You easily duck out of the way of its first strike. As it runs past, towards you this way, you get an attack of opportunity as it leaves your attack range to attempt to swing around Molly for a second strike. Go for it. TRAVIS: That is 16. MATT: 16 hits! Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. That is 12 points of damage. MATT: With this brief opening as it rushes past Mollymauk, after its eyes go black, you watch as it stumbles, its vision ruined. With that moment, you swing out with your– falchion, thank you. Yeah, it’s falchion, that’s right– and strike across the back of its shoulder. You see what once was this beautiful young woman is now this swollen, horrible undead form lumbering past, and you cut a heavy chunk of meat off of its shoulder. It curves around and makes a second strike at you, Mollymauk. This one without advantage. That’s a natural 19. Yeah, that’s a 24 to hit. All right. You take eight points of bludgeoning damage, as the first one, you manage to move out of the way, and as you spin your scimitar around, you glance over just in time to have it clock you right across the jaw. Your vision blurs and doubles for a second. That’s going to end their turn. Yasha, you’re up. SAM: All right, Yasha! ASHLEY: Can I get to the big beast? Beast number one? Okay, so this is the first time I’ve done this, so hopefully I won’t do this wrong. I would like to rage. (cheering) ASHLEY: I’m going to workshop it, I’ll make something later. For now, it’s a placeholder. Okay, I would like to rage, and reckless attack? MATT: Yeah, you can reckless attack any of your attacks. SAM: Is that something you can do right away? That sounds like a later thing. ASHLEY: Is that something you do later? Okay. I didn’t get a practice shot at this. Okay. So I just roll. MATT: You roll at advantage. ASHLEY: I don’t know how to play D&D anymore! I just forgot how to do it. LAURA: Okay, but roll again, you have advantage. ASHLEY: Oh, reckless. Okay. 17? MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. ASHLEY: I take out my beautiful greatsword. MATT: Freshly purchased. In fact, this is the first time it’s seen battle. ASHLEY: It is the first time it’s seen battle. SAM: Google reported a weird influx of 'falchion’ searches. (laughter) ASHLEY: 13. MATT: On the one that’s already been damaged? ASHLEY: Yeah. The first guy. MATT: Yeah, all right. ASHLEY: Get the fuck out of my tent! (laughter) MATT: Yeah, no, it does not make the save– it rolled– yeah. So as you come down with your blade and carve through its body, you watch as it curls back, trying to reform and hold itself, but your blow was too strong, and its zombie-ish form cannot maintain a cohesive hold on its form, and you watch as it just crumbles to the ground, no longer moving. (cheering) SAM: Yasha! ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. As you’re there, growling animalistically towards the creature. ASHLEY: Ooh, that feels fun. MATT: You have about five more feet of movement, if you wanted to move. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m going to go a little bit closer to– wait, how many more are left? Just the other one? Yeah, so I’ll get ready for the other one. So a little bit closer to it. MATT: All right. That ends your turn, Yasha. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Shit. I’ll turn and head towards other tree-zombie fuck. I would like to use my bonus action to cast Hex on it. MATT: Okay. So you watch as Fjord lumbers towards it, his large, armored half-orc form holding the blade in his hand. Puts his hand out, and the shadows suddenly swirl and gather around this zombified woman’s form and cling to it, like it’s holding it in place. So with it now hexed, what would you like to do? TRAVIS: I would like to use my falchion to open it the fuck up. MATT: All right, go for it. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: That definitely hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That’s 12 points of damage, plus five points of necrotic damage. MATT: 17 points of damage. LIAM: Level two, that’s major. MATT: So, as you rush up, after the shadows gather around it, it looks up to you, and it pulls back, ready to strike, and you just shake your head, and one large swipe of your falchion carves this giant mark across its chest. Where the cloth and flesh opens, you can see this blackened interior, where the muscles are trying to move, almost like worms, to regather and tighen. All right, that ends your turn. That brings us to Caleb. LIAM: All right, I know that it’s restricted movement, but I will push this way through the crowd so that I have a clearer shot, as far as I can, and then I will re-up with Chromatic Orb. MATT: You can push right about there. You just barely pull through the crowd to the front to get a clear– LAURA: Hi, Caleb. LIAM: I certainly don’t want to do that. I want to stay in the crowd, behind people, and I will do Chromatic Orb again, but this time, I’m going to set it to acid, so see if it hit. Oh, that’s not good, it’s 11. MATT: 11 unfortunately does not hit. So as you pull it out a second time, you’re pushing through the crowd and you pull up your diamond, and right as you’re about to release the spell, one of the people in the crowd slams into you with her shoulder and you get jarred off to the side. The acid bolt of the Chromatic Orb flies off and actually burns a hole through the distant tent and then vanishes into the night sky. LIAM: Hope that didn’t hit anyone. MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Caleb. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Do I have eyes on the biggie? Is Fjord right next to her? MATT: Fjord and Mollymauk are both next to it, yes. SAM: All right. I’m going to peek out behind whatever patron I’m next to, take out my little crossbow and just shoot a little shot. MATT: All right, go for it. TRAVIS: Is it made of piano wire? (laughter) SAM: 16. MATT: 16 hits. LAURA: I like how every time you roll it comes out. SAM: It does. This is very bouncy. Okay, so 1d6, that’s a four, plus four is eight, plus I get sneak attack damage, 'cause I’m a rogue. Another four, so that’s 12. Is the creature bigger than me? I will use Fury of the Small. (cheering) SAM: To inflict another two points of damage, so that’s 14 points of damage. MATT: Okay. As you pull around the corner and release your one crossbow bolt, it hits the bottom of the chin and pokes out one of the eyes. The eye goes flying off into the distance as the bolt is now jammed outside of the socket. The creature turns, glancing your direction. It looks pretty hurt, but it’s still standing. SAM: Can I use the rest of my action-movement-whatever bonus to look at the patron I’m next to. Do they have any baubles or jewelry on them? TRAVIS: In this moment? MATT: I’ll say you can use your bonus action to just look. There’s nothing you can do this turn, but next turn, you could. So make a perception check. SAM: Oh, it’s just nine. MATT: Nine? It’s hard to look. You see this what looks to be late-30s woman dressed in some sort of general workers’ clothing with a loose apron, and she’s just running and scrambling to get towards the exit. You don’t see anything of worth on her, unfortunately. Sorry. All right, Nott, that ends your turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m still engaged with it, right? Okay, I’m going to take two swipes. MATT: Okay, so you spin around. You pull your second scimitar out, as part of the strike, one of them encased in ice crystals. So the first strike– make sure you mark which one’s which. TALIESIN: Purple’s the ice. That’s– the purple is 12 to hit? MATT: 12 just barely hits. TALIESIN: Ooh. So they both hit, so that’s good. So that’s going to be– or all three, then, because the other one is 21 to hit. MATT: That hits, yeah. TALIESIN: The first one is four points of damage. MATT: Four points of damage? TALIESIN: I’m sorry, the magic one is six points plus three ice, so nine points. MATT: Nine points of damage, all right. TALIESIN: The other one is four points of damage. MATT: Okay. So the first strike hits, and as the scimitar carves through, the body snaps and opens, and it snaps back into place, the torso locking back in. The second strike does how much damage? TALIESIN: Four points of damage. MATT: Yeah. The second one hits again, and you watch as the torso spins off. It looks like only the spinal column is holding it in place, but it’s managing to maintain its structure as it (snarls). That ends your turn. TALIESIN: Someone, anyone? Yep. MATT: All right, ending Mollymauk’s turn, that brings us to Beau. LAURA: Beau, you got this. MARISHA: In response to him, I say, I thought you said you didn’t let in the sick! TALIESIN: Just kill it! MARISHA: I come up and I want to do a flying Superman (impact). MATT: Wham! Go for it. MARISHA: First one. Okay. 16? MATT: That’ll hit. Damage. MARISHA: I had my staff– oh, I had my staff, but I said– LIAM: You said Superman punch, man. MARISHA: It’s fine, it’s fine. Six damage. MATT: Six points of damage. Natural 20. You watch as you sock it in the face and the jaw breaks and then snaps back into place. As you land, pulling it back, you can see some of the teeth are actually stuck in your fist as you pull back, they’ve broken off into your knuckles. MARISHA: I go, oh, come on. I’m going to use my other ki point to do flurry of blows again, and I’m going to try and punch him in the bridge with the remainder of his teeth. MATT: Her teeth, technically, this is the woman that was killed originally. MARISHA: Oh. I’ll be like, you were so pretty, too. MATT: Go for it. Two more strikes. MARISHA: 19 and 18. Natural. And then, okay. LAURA: That’s a really pretty dice. MARISHA: Eight, 12, 13 damage. MATT: Natural one, no. So the second punch, you swing wide and hit the side of the head, and the neck snaps, and it’s now stuck in a sideways position. As it turns, the jaw, it pulls back one of its weirdly swollen clawed hands, ready to go for that open wound in your gut, and as it does, how do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: First one! SAM: First blood. MARISHA: I’ll do the uppercut with the other one, and the one that has its teeth in it, I want to go right between the bridge of the nose and get the teeth right in the eyes and break the nose bridge into the brain. You know that thing? Yeah. MATT: And as you do that, you slam into its face. You watch as the skull caves in, the teeth piercing both of the red, bulging eyes. And with this horrible sucking, sighing sound, it falls onto its back, no longer moving, the shadows released. MARISHA: I grab my gash and fucked-up ribs and immediately turn over me. Can I do a perception check or an insight check on any of the ringleaders? On any of what was going on? The ringleader or the jester? MATT: That was your turn, unfortunately. That’s your turn. At this point, the current threats are down, and the crowd is screaming and rushing. The two members of the Crown’s Guard are rushed to the front, weapons ready, and they see both of these creatures bloodied and ruined across the base of this. In the midst of the chaos, one of them points and goes, “You, you! Stay where you are!” And you watch as the rest of the crowd slowly pushes through, you see as Gustav manages to make his way in. “Dear god, what’s happened here?” Looks over toward Bo the Breaker, the half-orc who’s now joined the rest of you. “Sir, I don’t know how he got in here.” And everyone looks around back at you. Bo looks at you, Gustav looks to you, Molly. “What happened?” TALIESIN: One of them turned. I don’t know what happened. LAURA: There was a sick guy! There was an old sick guy and he turned into a zombie! And I run over and I cast Cure Wounds on Beau. MARISHA: Oh, thank you, man. I’m really down. LAURA: Are you sick too? Did you get hurt? Hold on two seconds. I’m going to cure her and then I’ll cure you too. TRAVIS: Yasha, have you ever seen anything like this happen before? ASHLEY: No. Never. LAURA: Seven points, that’s all I could cure. MARISHA: That’s amazing. That’s great. TALIESIN: I’m going to drop my sword. LAURA: Oh, that’s better for you, ten for you. MATT: Okay. At this point, the two Crown’s Guard that are there are trying desperately to maintain control. You can see they’re visibly shaken, and they glance at each other like they’re a little out of their depths at the moment. “Stay where you are. Don’t go anywhere.” TALIESIN: Oh, wherever will I go. MATT: And he turns to the one who’s in the front, looks to the other one who just made his way through, and goes, “Sivelmen, find someone. Bring the rest of the guard. Please!” “Right now, sir.” And he pushes his way towards the back as the rest of the crowd runs out. Now everyone in the crowd has mostly pushed out of the tent, the last few dregs pushing through. Children crying, people of Trostenwald just exiting out the flaps as they close, and you’re all standing there, weapons in your hands, wondering what to do. TRAVIS: What are the corpses doing now that they’ve fallen? MATT: They’re both unmoving, ruined, torn apart. LAURA: Can I search the corpse of the woman? MATT: You can. As you go to move to it, both of your forms merge. The Crown’s Guard goes like, “Don’t move.” LAURA: Which one? MATT: “Both? Uh.” He looks genuinely confused. LAURA: When I’m going “which one?” I make my second form just dart forward and start searching the body. MATT: Okay. It mimics searching a body. It’s not actually you. Begins rifling imaginary things out of the pockets. LAURA: Look at all the stuff that that one’s finding over there! (laughter) LAURA: Can he turn and look and I try to search the other guy? MATT: Make a deception check to try and deceive him to glance over. LAURA: Not bad. 19? MATT: (laughs) He goes, “What, over there?” Looks over as you jump over quickly and begin searching through it, and you guys watch her do this, and there’s a clear line of sight. As soon as he turns back, he’s going to notice her rifling through the other corpse. ASHLEY: Is Gustav still in here? MATT: Gustav is now walking up, and he’s hands up in the air. “I’m terribly sorry. I– this has "never happened. I don’t know what happened. What happened?!” TALIESIN: We’ve never seen anything like it before. He just– he gripped his heart and fell over and turned into that thing. ASHLEY: It was when Toya started singing. MARISHA: Yeah, what’s with the dwarven girl? Why– TALIESIN: Nothing like this. MATT: “She’s been singing with us for over two years, now.” MARISHA: How’d she come to you? She’s a pretty young girl. MATT: “She had no family and she was singing in the street for change. There was an opportunity. "We seized it. We gave her a family she didn’t have.” TRAVIS: Put your hands down. MATT: The Crown’s Guard goes like (grunts). “It’s fine, just don’t move.” LAURA: Did I find anything? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: She uses a different dice for everything, Travis? LAURA: Shut up. SAM: Is that what I’m dealing with now? TRAVIS: You’re not even ready. LAURA: 14? MATT: You manage to rifle through the old man’s body, through the stringy bits of gore, and you do find three pieces of silver that are just coated in blood. A few moments pass. The rest of the people are gone, and it’s just this awkward quiet, and at this point you watch as Ornna, the fire fairy who had previously performed, walks in and is like, “I’m sorry. What has happened here?” LAURA: Your little dwarf girl was singing, and she turns people into zombies. TALIESIN: I feel that that was entirely coincidental. I’m really not sure that the two things were related. Something was wrong with this man. MARISHA: See, it’s interesting, because I would say the opposite. I would say it wasn’t that coincidental, because– LIAM: I would agree, it seemed to happen with this– TALIESIN: We’ve seen her sing dozens, hundreds of times. Nothing like this has ever happened. I’ve seen people sit in the front row hundreds of times. Nothing like this has ever happened. LIAM: Have you had the elderly or the sick in these tents before? MARISHA: Yeah, you also happen to be very explicit on your page that you don’t want the sick, so. TALIESIN: Gustav. MATT: At this motion, Gustav goes, “It’s generally just because we want to promote a space of "welcoming cleanliness. When we’re working amongst the outskirts of the Empire, we don’t want to "bring an element that reminds you of death and–” SAM: You hate old people so much. MATT: “Well, we’re in entertainment. We have to be cautious.” The single Crown’s Guard guy who’s sitting there with his weapon out, you can see him shaking almost, he’s never had to deal with anyting like this before. TALIESIN: Hold up. I’ve never seen that one before. He looks really suspicious. MATT: Towards him? TALIESIN: No, the guy behind him. LAURA: (gasps) He does look suspicious. MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: Sure. Eight. MATT: He goes, “Don’t try that on me. I’ve been doing this for over ten years.” ASHLEY: Oh wait, look at him! LAURA: I cast Thaumaturgy and make it sound like there’s a sound coming from behind him, too. MATT: Make a sleight-of-hand check to see if you can cast this spell subtly enough or not. SAM: This poor guard. Ooh! (groaning) LAURA: Natural one. MATT: As you attempt to cast this spell, a little bit of spittle gets caught in your windpipe, and you begin to cough uncontrollably. Yeah, it just falls away. LAURA: (coughing) There was some popcorn that I ate earlier. TRAVIS: You should know that whatever happened to that first man when he attacked the woman, she caught whatever he had. MATT: “And that is extremely worrying. Nobody touch that body.” And he looks back and sees you coughing over the corpse, and the guy’s like, “Don’t you touch that body! Are you sick?” LAURA: (coughing) I have bloody fingers. MATT: “Someone hold her down. If she’s sick and turns into one of these, I will not–” ASHLEY: She’s fine. Just calm down. TALIESIN: Well, we’ve already killed two of them. SAM: She’s definitely sick. MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: That was cocked, unfortunately. That was a good one. Oh, well. 16? MATT: 16? His face goes white and he goes, “Kill the thing!” And rushes forward, blade held above. ASHLEY: I take out my greatsword. SAM: What, you’re going to kill a guard? ASHLEY: Stop, stop. MATT: He holds back. He turns to you and sees you standing a full four inches taller than him with a much larger blade, with one hand, and he goes, “Look, if she’s going to become one of these "things, we have to stop her now.” LAURA: Yasha will totally kill me. Don’t worry, you can leave. MARISHA: Jester. Jokes are great until they get you killed, man. She’s joking. LAURA: (weak laughter) SAM: Poor guard. MATT: Immediately rubs his eyes. You can see him, now that he’s closer to you, you can see he’s sweating, he’s scared, he’s generally trying the best he can to use whatever training he’s received to deal with a scenario he was not trained for. MARISHA: This is the King’s Guard guy? MATT: One of the Crown’s Guard. The Crown’s Guard are all generally hired and trained militia that are sent amongst all the cities to keep the peace. MARISHA: What’s your name, man? TALIESIN: Wow, he’s really shook up. SAM: Jamieson. MATT: “Flynn.” MARISHA: Flynn. How long you been doing this, you said ten years? MATT: “Ten years two months ago.” MARISHA: Oh. Happy ten year-i-versary. Yeah, congrats. Did you get a nice watch or like a commemorative tankard? TRAVIS: They don’t have watches yet. MARISHA: Shit. Did you get a commemorative tankard? Forget the watch part. MATT: “No. Don’t move.” MARISHA: I’m not moving, man. Hey. Hey, Flynn. Hey, man. How about first we put the swords down, because we helped? Yeah. SAM: Are any of us high charisma? 'Cause it don’t seem like it. MATT: At this point, the flaps at the front of the tent, the entranceway, fold in and you watch as one, two, three, four, six, ten Crown’s Guard begin filtering into the chamber. You watch as one man, the one who has his helmet off and under his shoulder, he’s maybe in his early 40s or so, short brown hair with patches of grey. Somewhat jaundiced skin. Molly, you’ve encountered this man once before when you entered the city. He approaches Gustav right now with a commanding voice. “I had a gut feeling that you were nothing but trouble when you came into our town.” Gustav turns around. “I guarantee to you, my friend, I have no idea–” “What happened here?” The Crown’s Guard who’s been shaken turns around and goes, “Sir, Flynn. There was a creature. This carnival "seemed to create some sort of terrible entity that killed and then created a secondary beast. I "watched it with my own eyes from the back row.” And the man turns back towards Gustav and the rest of you. “And who else saw that?” TRAVIS: We did. LAURA: Well, we saw an old guy turn into a zombie. But it’s possible that he just died because he was old, and then he had the zombie curse on him and just turned, you know? Because that happens a lot. TALIESIN: (deadpan) Gustav, it’s no use, we’ve been found out. Our terrible plot to make a zombie rampage through our carnival has been discovered. Whatever will we do now that we’ve been discovered for our brilliant plot to make a zombie ruin our circus. My god. MATT: Flynn turns to you and goes, “Put your weapons down or we’ll arrest you immediately!” TALIESIN: I’m literally holding nothing but my hands. LIAM: I mean, I’m sorry, but we’re basically a group of strangers. Most of us don’t know each other. We all have the same story. There was a show, an old man became a thing, and we helped destroy it. This one destroyed it. What more do you want from us? TALIESIN: It ruined our show. MATT: Flynn turns back and says, “Watchmaster, what should we do?” And the man with the helmet under his arm walks forward, walks to Gustav, gives him one look over, still a few inches shorter than him. Looks at him with a sense of purpose and social status that has a sense of disinterest and disrespect. “You, sir, and your orc, and your circus, are considered currently "under arrest. Who else belongs to your merry band?” He looks about the rest and Gustav goes, “The orc.” Glances back at the two of you and goes, “The rest of them are just purveyors of our "performances. He was just joking earlier, right?” Make a deception check. SAM: Oh boy. TALIESIN: Nope. MATT: “And you are also under arrest. The rest of you, what are your names?” LAURA: Shirley. SAM: Temple. (muffled laughter) LIAM: Caleb Widogast. MARISHA: Beau, same as him. TRAVIS: Bo. (laughter) SAM: I am Bo! TRAVIS: You pointed at me. MARISHA: I meant the NPC Bo! But it works! ASHLEY: Here’s the thing. Oh, it’s Mary by the way, but I think I know who might know what has happened here. MATT: “Do you? Tell me.” ASHLEY: I’ll have to go get her. MATT: “Who is this?” ASHLEY: She is the singer that made this all happen. MATT: “Flynn, escort this woman to retrieve this individual she speaks of.” Flynn nods and walks over towards you. LAURA: She’s really shy, though, and I hear she only talks to tieflings, so you should probably send– MATT: “Stay where you are.” LAURA: –my brother along, because he’s really good with that stuff. TALIESIN: Try not to stab any random people on your way there, Flynn. You’re doing good. MATT: “My men tell me that the rest of you helped destroy these fiends. Is that correct?” ALL: Yeah. MATT: “Then on behalf of the Starosta, I appreciate your aid. But until this investigation "is complete, you are all under investigation from us. Where are you staying?” TRAVIS: The Nestled Nook Inn. SAM: Nested Nook. MATT: Nestled. He got it right. SAM: Oh, shit. One letter. God damn it. TRAVIS: I have an intelligence of 14. I know what I’m doing. MATT: “Do not leave this city unless you are told otherwise. Should you do so, I have your names, "and I can have the full might of the Cerberus Assembly track you down. You. Flynn. Free this "girl.” While you all stand in the tent, Flynn approaches you and walks a little bit behind you, weapon drawn but at the side. Do you lead him out of the tent? Okay. So you walk through the performer’s flap, and as you walk out, you can see backed up into the number of tents that are set up, and some of the carts, other members of the circus are hiding, and as soon as you exit out the front and they see you before the Crown’s Guard, they all immediately scatter and vanish to the nearby shadows, out of sight. The two of you walk out into the center, the fire crackling in a small pit off to the side. “All right, where is this girl you speak of?” ASHLEY: She’s in the back in the tents. MATT: “Show me.” ASHLEY: Follow me. MATT: He follows you. Which tent do you lead him to? Over here? Okay, there’s a larger tent, as he walks by your side, there’s the flap that’s slightly open. SAM: God, you could seduce him. ASHLEY: Go get her. She won’t talk to me. She’s too scared of me. MATT: “All right.” Gets his weapon ready and walks into the tent. ASHLEY: I close the tent and I take off. MATT: Okay. There’s a few moments before, in the distance, you hear a voice say, “The tent is "empty. What are you talking about? Hello? Helloooo?” (laughter) MATT: And you don’t look back, and you just run into the darkness of night, into the Marrow Fields and disappear. SAM: But that’s so mysterious. LIAM: While that was happening, I’m close to the edge of the tent, and at some point I just (snap) and summoned Frumpkin. I have a 30-feet outside the tent, so Frumpkin’s out there. MATT: Okay. Frumpkin keeps watch. The Watchmaster, as you heard him notified earlier, turns to the rest of you. “So. The investigation will begin. If any information comes to light that could "alleviate you of the charges brought to this carnival, come to me and let me know. If you have "no answers before we complete this investigation, then I believe you all will fall into the judgment.” LAURA: Next time we don’t help. That’s what it comes down to. MARISHA: I know, we got paid the first time we helped, and then we got arrested the second time. I don’t know what lesson to learn here. SAM: Just say okay and let’s leave. LIAM: Yeah, yeah. MATT: So the guards escort you out of the tent. Molly, you’re stuck behind with Gustav and Bo the Breaker, with a guard of five Crown’s Guards set to keep watch. As the rest of you are sent to the city, the Watchmaster turns once more and says, “Remember, you flee, I’ll find you.” And that’s where we’ll end tonight’s session. SAM: No way! What? No! I want to keep playing. TALIESIN: I’m so excited, this is great. LIAM: It’s a good spot. ASHLEY: We did it, we did it. TRAVIS: Holy shit. LAURA: We have to get Molly out! SAM: (sighs) Everything’s better with Molly. (laughter) TALIESIN: Truer words were never spoken. MATT: Well, guys, welcome to the new campaign. Season two, I guess. LIAM: Oh my goodness. MARISHA: It feels so weird. SAM: Look at these cool Wyrmwood cases that we have! MATT: Fucking Sam. I swear to god. MARISHA: I used 100% new dice. No repeats from Keyleth. TRAVIS: Yeah, totally new dice. TALIESIN: I kept the Gil die. LAURA: I used some new dice. TRAVIS: What are you talking about? LAURA: Some new dice. MATT: I used this beautiful little– TALIESIN: Fuck you. MATT: The Snitch is mine now. LIAM: Look at all the 20s Taliesin rolled tonight. MATT: I know. Oh man. I’m excited. SAM: Such cool characters, guys! MATT: I’m excited to see where this goes. SAM: I still don’t know what half of you guys are. What’s Travis? MATT: Everyone did something that revealed them tonight. SAM: I don’t know nothing, I don’t know how to play D&D. MARISHA: Should we all say in case you’re Sam and you don’t know? TRAVIS: I’m a ballerina. MARISHA: He’s a prima. MATT: Well, guys. Happy New Year. Welcome back, Happy New Year to you guys. Thank you for coming along with us on this first episode of a new journey. Thank you, Backblaze and DnD Beyond, for being awesome sponsors partnered with us going forward. Thank you, Wyrmwood, for this amazing table. Thank you guys for coming along with us this evening for our first dive into this new venture. Hope you enjoyed it. We did. MARISHA: Thank you to our amazing crew. SAM: Thank you, Matt Mercer, for this amazing new campaign! Welcome to Wildemount. MATT: I’m excited. SAM: Thanks, Yev. MATT: Guys, have a wonderful evening. We’ll see you next week. See where this next stage in the story takes us. Ashley, I’m glad you could make it for this first episode. ASHLEY: Yeah, me too. MATT: Until then, have a wonderful night, sleep well, and is it Thursday yet? Good night! (cheering) [music] MATT: And welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. TRAVIS: Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Or that. We also do that, I guess. TALIESIN: That’s the same embarrassment that you feel about us; the way we’re feeling about you now. MATT: What the fuck was that?! SAM: Where we play Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: Oh my god. Welcome. We’re already loopy, what could possibly go wrong? So yes, welcome! Before we jump into tonight’s game, we have some announcements to get through real fast so hold tight for just a moment. First and foremost, continuing tonight’s sponsorship with our friends at D&D Beyond. Our now long-term partner. We’re super excited to be working with them for the foreseeable future for the time being with the show. Sam, you have some words, I believe. SAM: To plug our good friends at D&D Beyond, I need my fellow castmates to help me. Can we practice? Can you all say, “Boo”? ALL: Boo! SAM: Can you all say, “Yay”? ALL: Yay! SAM: Okay, the official digital toolset for Critical Role is D&D Beyond. ALL: Yay! SAM: A great service to organize everything D&D. Rules, spells, character sheets, and more, all with a pesky pen and paper? ALL: Boo! SAM: No! You can access it digitally on your computer, mobile, or tablet. ALL: Yay! SAM: The cast is using D&D Beyond every week, except for Taliesin. ALL: Boo! SAM: Just kidding, he is! ALL: Yay! SAM: I have to use both the boo and the yay or else it doesn’t make sense. He can do cool stuff like activate Critical Role content in his character builder and create a blood hunter. ALL: Yay! SAM: And do you think they charge an arm and a leg? ALL: Boo! SAM: No, they don’t! ALL: Yay! SAM: D&D Beyond is offering a discount of $10 off any digital book in their shop. Use code “beginnings” at checkout. ALL: Yay! SAM: So check them out at dndbeyond.com. Is that D and D Beyond? ALL: Boo! SAM: No, is that D-N-D Beyond? ALL: Yay! SAM: And this spot was written by Sam Riegel. ALL: Boo! (laughter) MATT: Thank you so much, Sam. And thank you, D&D Beyond, for being our partners for this new campaign. LAURA: Marisha, you yay'ed, good for you! MARISHA: I did! It was a little complacent, but I yay'ed. I gave him one. MATT: Oh man. Talks Machina, of course, our after talk show about this episode will be on next Tuesday, as it is every Tuesday, after the show at 7:00pm Pacific here on Twitch and Project Alpha, with our host Brian W. Foster. (burp) I always burp when I say his name. I wonder what that says about him. I don’t know why. LAURA: It’s that cabbage smell. MATT: It’s the cabbage. So check that out. Merch, Laura. LAURA: So, you know, we talked about those posters last week. They’re still in the store on pre-order. Some of them are getting shipped out right now, so you should be getting them soon. ALL: Yay! LAURA: We’re going to leave them on pre-order until Monday night, so if you’re watching this on YouTube after it’s been aired live, you’ve got until midnight to put in that order. ALL: Yay. LAURA: Then they’re going to be gone. Well, we might have a small overage that remains in the store. But the pre-orders will be done. You know what I mean. And then hey, check out that other stuff like shirts, hats, and dice. We should be getting some more Vox Machina d20s. I know a lot of people have been asking about them. They’re going to be restocked, hopefully within the next week. More will be coming soon if those sell out. You know how it goes. MATT: Great, thank you, Laura. Podcast. Episode one of this campaign is already up. So those of you following in podcast form or have friends who have been waiting to listen to the podcast on their commute; it is available, the first episode. Every Thursday morning, we’ll have the episode of the previous week available and we’ll be keeping those up consistently as the campaign progresses, and we also have the entire story of Vox Machina currently available on podcast. Makes me happy. Once again, we are firmly in support of our longtime charity partners, 826LA. They do awesome work teaching creative writing classes for children who normally wouldn’t have the opportunity to get involved. They do phenomenal work. I recommend that you research them and if you can, either help with a donation or actually, you can donate your time as well to help teach and be part of the program if one is near you. Go check it out. MARISHA: We were talking to one of the heads at 826LA over the break, Joel, and he was saying that they would love to do D&D, but no one on their staff knows how to DM or do D&D. So if there’s an 826 in your area, and you’re like, “I know, I’ll start a D&D club,” I’m sure they’ll be open to it, just go talk to them and go teach kids D&D! MATT: Yeah. Run a game for a bunch of cool teenagers and show them how awesome this game is. MARISHA: Or cool eight-year-olds who are equally as amazing. SAM: Or dorky eight-year-olds or teenagers. MATT: Those are the same, Sam. MARISHA: Nerd is chic now. MATT: I like to think I was always cool. No, it’s not true at all. I’m still trying to get there. All right, cool! Appearances. Laura and Travis will be at Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle, March 2nd to the 4th. If you’re up in that area, go over and say hi to them. I will be at Lexington Comic and Toy Con in Lexington, Kentucky March 9th to the 11th. As well as Otafest in Calgary up in Canada, May 18th to the 20th, and Akon in Texas, June 7th to the 10th. SAM: Calgary is like the Kentucky of Canada. LAURA: Is it? SAM: I don’t know. MARISHA: I’ll take that as a compliment. LIAM: I am also going to Bak-Anime, not to be confused with SacAnime, on February 3rd and 4th. TRAVIS: How do you spell that, B-A-K? LIAM: B-A-K, that’s real soon. So I’ll be there. MATT: Beautiful. And I believe– LIAM: Wait! Comic book next week. Issue four. Comic book. MATT: Issue four on the 24th, I believe it is? TALIESIN: By far the most fourth of all of these books. It’s easily the most fourth. TRAVIS: Like the blue hair. TALIESIN: Thank you, this is new. Just went for this, it’s going to slowly darken over time. MATT: Into pure shadow. TALIESIN: It’s going to be keyframed and photoshopped, I’m aware. MATT: The invitation is there, folks. Screencap and photoshop away. TALIESIN: I’ve already been told that’s it’s going to happen. MATT: On that note, that concludes our announcements, thank you for your patience. And I believe it’s time for us to begin tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [80s music] MATT: And welcome back. Last we left off, our slowly gathering band of adventurers had begun to have their stories intertwine in the city of Trostenwald, on the southern reaches of western Wynandir on the continent of Wildemount. Here we had Nott and Caleb who had been traveling southward coming and meeting, in the center of the tavern, the Nestled Nook Inn, with Jester, Beauregard, and Fjord. They were invited to a nearby carnival that had begun preparing for their performance later that evening, in which they met Yasha and Molly. After swapping some stories, earning and losing some gold, they began to gather at the outskirts of the Ustaloch, the lake right on the eastern edge of Trostenwald, for the first opening performance of the Fletching and Moondrop Carnival of Curiosities. TALIESIN: Traveling Carnival of Curiosities. MATT: Upon entering the tent, they saw a number of performances. However, during a musical performance by this young dwarven girl whose voice was this mysterious, magically enchanting experience, a member of the audience rose up and began to transform into a terrible undead creature that began to lash out, killing another member of the audience, who then began to become one of these same creatures. You all, grabbing your weapons from Yasha, who had been keeping them stashed away, leapt into the fray, slaughtered both of these terrible beasts, just in time for the crownsguard to rush in and ask you what the hell happened. After information had been gathered of who was immediately available and responsible for this carnival, Gustav, Bo the Breaker, and Molly were marked to be arrested. One of the guards was escorted outside of the tent by Yasha, who was going to show him where this young dwarven girl was currently resting, and upon being led astray to the wrong tent, she just ran into the distant hills and vanished. And that is where we left off. SAM: So we’re still at the carnival? MATT: You’re still in the tent. LIAM: With crownsguard? MATT: With the crownsguard and with Watchmaster Jossyd. The crownsguard that had left naught but a moment before comes rushing in, his breath huffing, sweat dripping from his brow, his eyes wild. He goes, “Watchmaster! The big woman is gone! She’s gone!” The Watchmaster turns to him and says, “You three, go with him. Search for her.” They all immediately run out back out the performer’s flap and he turns to the rest of you in the group, “Shackle and drag those three down “to the stockade.” About five guards approach and begin to press Gustav, Bo, and Molly to the ground and begin to put chains and shackles on them. TALIESIN: I’d like to make a counteroffer? MATT: He’s in mid-speech, “The rest of you keep an eye on the performers here. Ask around, see what “you can find. As for the others, don’t go far.” LAURA: The innocent patrons, you mean? MATT: “You may be innocent, in which case you have nothing to worry about. However, we have an "investigation to complete, so I would ask that you stay in the city and wait until you are called in. "You will be questioned, and when this investigation is completed, regardless of how long "it may take, you are not to leave Trostenwald.” LIAM: If I could just contribute one word, the 40 or so people who are outside and the rest of us will vouch for this one, the colorful one. He saved many people’s lives. Don’t take my word for it. There’s everyone outside. MATT: All the rest of the crownsguard glance to each other, he goes, “Well, unfortunately, that is "not for me to decide. The Lawmaster would have to be appealed to. If you wish to come with us, we "can bring you along with us to the stockade and you can speak with her. Then, perhaps, she may "grant you leniency, but I can give you no guarantee.” MARISHA: Why don’t you just question us right now? I’m confused on why you don’t just do that now. MATT: “Well, we could do that instead. We’ll have you arrested, put you in the stockade as we "question the rest of you.” LAURA: No, let’s go to the stockade. TRAVIS: Yeah, we’ll all be in one place. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Jails are not my favored terrain. Just want to point that out. Not this go-around. No. TRAVIS: Good to know. LAURA: I would have guessed that about you. MARISHA: Not really comfortable with that. MATT: “We’re leaving. The rest of you, stay in here. Watch over the performers. Make sure nobody "leaves. Come if you wish. Otherwise, we’ll be in touch.” The Watchmaster gathers alongside the other five crownsguard, lifting up the shackles of the three that had been arrested and begin to drag them outside of the tent and into the night air. LIAM: I send Frumpkin to follow. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Can I double back into the performance area and see if I can find that little girl that they’re looking for? Before they do? MATT: You may, if you want to. So you send Frumpkin just to follow them. You guys are staying behind, then? TRAVIS: Are there three regular crownsguard that are going with Molly? Or is the Watchmaster going with them as well? MATT: The Watchmaster is going with them, or at least he’s exiting the tent with them. It looks like there are five crownsguard attending the three of them that are shackled. TRAVIS: I’ll go out the front exit of the tent just to see if the Watchmaster goes with Molly. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I’ll follow Fjord. MATT: Okay, so the two of you are following. Anybody with them? Currently, it’s you two and Frumpkin. SAM: Are we going with them or not? Should we stay here? This is not our affair, right? LIAM: I don’t know. I’m having second thoughts about being here at all. SAM: Well, you sent the kitty, didn’t you? LIAM: Yes, and we’re not going to leave without him. Why don’t we just–? SAM: Follow behind a bit? LIAM: That’s right. SAM: Okay. Sounds good. MATT: All right, so as you guys exit, keeping a pace behind, watching the crownsguard guiding the current prisoners towards the actual city, Frumpkin keeping a zig-zagging distance behind and following. LIAM: DM? MATT: Yes? LIAM: Is it possible for me, if Nott is holding my hand and leading me, to go full third eye and walk blind and deaf here looking through Frumpkin’s senses? MATT: I would say yes, but you are purely like– because all you’re doing is walking forward and you need someone to guide you. LIAM: Right. SAM: And he can’t communicate to me either so– LIAM: I can talk, but I can’t hear you. I can talk and hold her hand so she can stop me from prat-falling all over myself. SAM: Yes. But you can talk? MATT: He can talk but he can’t hear you. SAM: Got it. Okay. Great. LIAM: But we’ve done this before so you know to squeeze my hand really hard if I should pipe down. SAM: Sure. MATT: All right. So, first off, Beauregard. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: As you back out of the performer’s exit of the tent into the center of their encampment, the immediate exit, there are already four crownsguard currently searching around and setting up a watch perimeter around the different tents. They’re gathering and making sure none of the other performers have fled and a lot of them are being brought out into an area where there’s a number of tents all facing towards a large campfire in the center. There’s a couple of chairs set up there, it’s kind of the common area for the performers of the carnival and it looks like they’re all being put out there so they can get a bead on it and make sure they know where everyone else is. MARISHA: I’m going to try to be aloof, stealth a little bit. I don’t want to make myself completely known. MATT: Are you trying to stealth out of sight or just trying to not draw attention? MARISHA: No, just trying not to draw attention. MATT: Okay, all right. Go and make a stealth check just to see if– SAM: Wait, did we just all ditch Marisha? LAURA: She just walked out. MARISHA: I ditched you. That’s cocked. That’s better. 17. MATT: 17. Okay. As you kind of dart through the flap of the tent and move behind one of the large carts that currently is still affixed to a horse that is currently just chewing on an apple, and you hear the crunch in its teeth, you glance over past the edge of the immediate near tent and you can see this group gathering there and it appears that no one’s immediately aware of your presence. MARISHA: Do I see the little girl whose name was– what was her name? MATT: Toya. You do not see her yet. The guard just got out there and they’re just beginning to pull people out. You do see the fire dancer brought out there. You then see the two– Yeah, Ornna. The Knot sisters are brought out and pushed out there and they’re all looking very frustrated. MARISHA: Are people being amicable? MATT: Yeah, they’re not shoving them around, they’re just calling them out to the front so they know where they are. MARISHA: Okay. I want to look around. Do I see any type of movement in the shadows, anyone looking suspicious? MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Ooh yeah! Natural 18. 21. MATT: 21. Okay, as you glance about, you don’t see anything lurking in the shadows. What you do notice, though, is one of them bring Toya out of one of the– the tent that’s on the southern side and as he brings her out, there’s a heavy thud sound, and you see coming out from behind the tent the large form of– you heard the name Kylre once, but the “devil toad.” The obese lizard man who’s stomping up behind. LAURA: Is he a dude or is he a creature? MATT: It looks like a lizard man, so scaled, humanoid, but extremely thick, bulbous belly, large, almost frog-like legs– TRAVIS: Bipedal or on all fours? MATT: Due to the size of his form, mostly all fours and lumbering forward on all of them but sits back on a bipedal situation. MARISHA: So they’re bringing the both of them out? MATT: The toad is hiding behind the tent and as soon as Toya comes out, comes up to the guard and puffs up its chest. The guard spins around and goes for the blade and pulls it out just carefully. MARISHA: Am I still next to that horse? MATT: The horse is currently still up on the cart, but is about 30 feet from you. SAM: Beast Shape! (laughter) MARISHA: I’m going to take my staff and give a really nice whack to the horse to get it to run. MATT: You know what? Let’s go ahead and make an animal handling check on that. SAM: We never get to make those! LIAM: First of the show! MARISHA: Oh my god, I’m so nervous right now. TRAVIS: You’re good, you’re good, you’re good. MARISHA: That’s not great. 11? MATT: 11 will do. It wasn’t a hard DC, but it was more knowing where to hit it to where it would cause it to bolt versus just get angry. MARISHA: Get pissed, sure, kick me. MATT: So going for– not to actually hurt the creature but just enough to spook it, you hit it in the right place towards the back of its hindquarters to cause it to suddenly rear up (neighs) (cart clattering noise) and go into a sprint. The cart begins to bounce and smash onto the ground. You can see the wheels clattering into the rocks and the stone between the bits of– MARISHA: I’m going to bolt in the opposite direction and try and loop around to the south side of the tent. MATT: Make another stealth check, please. MARISHA: Big dice, big dice. Okay, 19! MATT: Okay. You dart around the north side of these tents and you’re pretty sure you weren’t seen. As the cart begins to bolt off behind this horse, you see all the crownsguard turn. The one that was currently staring at the devil toad glances off to the side. As he glances off, the devil toad takes Toya and just pulls her to him protectively and the guard puts his sword away. “Check!” Points to them and then bolts off to go after the horse. The other three stay, watching over the group. MARISHA: Okay, can I loop around, kind of come up behind them? MATT: I mean, they’re scattered a bit but there’s– MARISHA: The devil toad and Toya. MATT: Oh yeah. Make another stealth check. You’re running through open areas each time you’re doing this. MARISHA: Yep. (yells) Did you see that?! It leaned to a four. Ten. TRAVIS: That is a bastard die right there. MARISHA: That sucked. TRAVIS: That’s a tease. MARISHA: Laura, put him in the dice jail. LAURA: I don’t have my dice jail out yet. It’s okay, he’ll chill there. MATT: As you come up around the back of the devil toad, the guard that runs past doesn’t immediately notice you because he’s focused on where this cart is running off and you can see another guard that was far away from this encampment that’s circling back with him. The two of them are now bolting in the direction as the cart begins to slow. It’s not just going forward forever but it spooked him and it’s starting to slow down. They’re just going to inspect it. However, as you slink up behind, the devil toad’s head curls back towards you and you hear this deep, guttural (growls). MARISHA: “Okay. It’s okay. Toya?” And I look at Toya. “Hey, come on, let’s get out of here, let’s go.” MATT: At which point a voice says, “Excuse me?!” And you can see the three guards are there staring at you. MARISHA: Fuck. You didn’t say there were fucking guards. MATT: I did say there were three guards. The three guards watching them. MARISHA: I thought you said they left. MATT: One of them left. MARISHA: One of them left. So wait. Oh shit. MATT: It’s a bad stealth check, I’m sorry. But there’s now three crownsguard right there and they’re like, “Can I help you?” TRAVIS: Time to go to jail. LAURA: Oh, this is so exciting. SAM: Kill them all. MARISHA: Ey! I was actually just looking for the loo? MATT: The guard that’s closest to you glances to the other guys and goes, “She was with the group, "right?” They recognize you, and they look at each other. “You’re going to the stockade, my dear.” MARISHA: No! MATT: The three guards slowly approach and they begin to take out chains and manacle you up. SAM: In an effort not to go to jail, you went to the jail. MARISHA: I’m trying to get the girl. I was trying to free the damn girl. MATT: I know. TALIESIN: You’ll be fine. MATT: So you’re shackled and begin to be dragged toward the stockade. MARISHA: It’s just the two guards, right? MATT: It’s the two guards now. As you’re being brought back, you can see more guards are coming from the city to the carnival. They’re keeping it under surveillance. MARISHA: So are they taking me away? MATT: They’re taking you to the city, yeah. MARISHA: What are they doing with Toya? Anything? Are they leaving them behind? MATT: They’re leaving them behind currently with the guards that are there. They’re not arresting anybody from the carnival, but they’re not letting them leave. But they’re keeping them there. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to do a quick– SAM: Kill them all. MARISHA: I’m in shackles? MATT: You are. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to do some monk shit here. I’m going to elbow one of the guards. Right in the ribs. And take the other one and bash the other one in the face and then I’m going to turn to Toya and I’m going to say, “Run! Run! Go! Run!” MATT: Okay. Go ahead and– SAM: Make all kinds of rolls. MATT: First, go ahead and make an athletics check. MARISHA and SAM: This is a terrible idea. LAURA: To not drag any attention towards her, you are completely shoving her into the limelight. MARISHA: Trying to distract these fucking assholes. That is a six. Ten. MATT: As you go back to elbow, you get halfway there before your chains go taut. They’re both holding the chain at each side, and you see the tension of it; you can’t even get him from behind. You imagine in your head; you go over it two or three times. As you go through the first step– (grunt) doesn’t go anywhere. TRAVIS: Tried to do the Sherlock Holmes. MARISHA: Do I at least get the “Run!” out to Toya? MATT: No. I’m sorry. MARISHA: Is she just standing there? Waiting for a guard? TRAVIS: She sees you having a seizure in the chains. (laughter) MARISHA: What is she doing? Is she running? MATT: No. Honestly, the devil toad and her seem pretty close. He is grabbing her in a protective manner. MARISHA: No, they can both run. Run for your life! Fine, whatever. She wants to get arrested at this point. MATT: Two bad rolls in a row. I know. Level two. MARISHA: I go join my friends. MATT: You will shortly. Ahead of her, along the way, Gustav is just quiet. Bo the Breaker, Bosun, as you know him by his full name, is grumbling under his breath and is trying to out-loud piece together thoughts on what may have what transpired, saying things like, “I don’t know, you "think it’s done on the inside? Or is this somebody trying to sabotage it?” TALIESIN: I think maybe it has nothing to do with us. I think maybe we were just caught in the crossfire. MATT: It is quite possible. TALIESIN: Sorry, sir. Trying to keep my mouth shut. MATT: One of the guards tugs on both of your chains and says, “Quiet now! Save it for the "lawmaster.” They bring you in– you go in through the Lochward into the Hillsward, which is the southern portion of Trostenwald. You are brought to the outside of the stockade, which is a large single-story, tall, rectangular building of large stones and masonry. It’s built for function. It’s not a very beautiful building, but it’s defensible and it seems fairly well-made. However, there are the banners of the crownsguard marking the double-door entrance. As you’re brought within, you can already see there are two central chairs where two current watch sit, just watching the front door. Beyond the right, you see, is an office that you guys are dragged to– and the rest of you eventually catch up to the group. You are all brought inside this darkened office. Inside, relatively simple. This isn’t a library-type study office. This is very much for function. There’s a couple of small crates that contain materials that are too far in shadow to see the details of it. Look to be pieces of paper, probably gathered evidence or weapons that have been reclaimed. There is a stone desk on the far end, and there, within this office, already accompanied by a messenger dressed for immediate travel, is a tough-looking dwarven woman in her middle years rapidly scrawling on parchment. Her black hair is streaked with silver, tumbling past her red and gray leather armor. She finishes writing on this parchment, rolls it up, and hands it to the messenger who immediately darts out of the room without a word past you guys, giving you a brief look as he continues on whatever his business is. As soon as your eyes pass off the messenger, you hear a loud slam, and you glance back. She’s put her hands on the table. She glances up, “All "right, what riff-raff have you brought in to me this day?” The watchmaster takes the chains of the three of you and pulls you to the front of the group and says, “Sorry to be a bother, but we have "three individuals arrested in connection with, as you have heard so far, the deaths at the carnival "performance this evening.” She rolls her eyes. “All right, bring them forward.” They go ahead and pull the chains up. The watchmaster bows his head and then leaves the room. She steps forward and goes, “I am Norda. It is my job to keep this city safe and keep shite like what happened tonight "from happening. I approved your second time on the outskirts of our town and you have killed two of "my people. What have you to say about yourselves?” TALIESIN: Exactly how did we kill them, exactly? MATT: She glances over at you. Glances over at Gustav, “I have been told by my guard that you "gave performance, and as part of this performance you released two beasts into the midst of the "population.” LAURA: Well, technically, he wasn’t part of the performance, technically he was saving everyone. Technically. TALIESIN: Thank you. Yes, you see– MATT: Gustav interrupts you and says, “I’m so sorry, my liege. Please, I take full "responsibility for what happened this evening on myself. These people around me had nothing to do "with this. They are not part of the carnival, they were just merely helping. It is my carnival, and "whatever judgement there lies, I take upon myself and my head.” At which point Bo the half-orc steps forward, against his chains and goes, “Gustav, what are you doing?” He’s like, “Shut. Up. Please, whatever judgement there is, put it upon me,” and he bows his head low. “Is that the case? Is he the "only one?” She takes a good, hard look at you and Bo the Breaker. TALIESIN: Oh, are you waiting for me to speak? Yes, he’s the only one. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TALIESIN: Natural 20. About fucking time, you little shit! MATT: She gives you a look. Looks over at Bo the Breaker. Shakes her head. “Keep these two downstairs. This one let go. He seems to be free. We’ll be talking to you very soon.” At which point, the crownsguard drag the chains back and Gustav gives you a quick look under his eye and goes– as they’re pulled out of the room, out of sight. She glances to you, “Well, you’re out of chains! That’s great. Doesn’t mean you’re absolved of the investigation. So, where are you staying? You and your compatriots?” LAURA: Well, technically we just all met, technically. MATT: “Well, technically, as far as I’m concerned, you’re all together as part of this investigation.” LAURA: We’re a group you guys! (laughter) MATT: “So we’re going to have our investigators come to wherever you’re staying, which–,” and she looks down at some papers here, “– looks to be the Nestled Nook?” TRAVIS: That’s correct. MATT: “All right. Don’t leave the city. We’ll be in touch.” LAURA: Great, I really like it here so that’s good that we get to stay so long. MATT: “Do you have something to say?” TALIESIN: No. Just shocked to see someone die in front of me not more than– TRAVIS: I can assure you, we’re here to cause no trouble. We will be as compliant as we possibly can be. MATT: “Good. Dismissed!” She claps the edge of the table. The remaining crownsguard, who’s left there to keep watch, escorts you out off the stockade, escorts you onto the street. LAURA: Her accent is really strong! It’s hard to not match her accent! (laughter) TALIESIN: It’s the one accent that I really have trouble with. TRAVIS: Would you call it infectious? TALIESIN: Bastard. MATT: Sorry. TALIESIN: The one that we know is a problem. LIAM: I’m going to call my cat back to me and I drop the telepathy and I just start tugging you back to the Nestled Nook. Come on, we have to talk about this. We have to decide what we’re going to do. SAM: Right away. TRAVIS: Excuse me– LAURA: They’re not with us. TRAVIS: Oh, I thought you were right behind us. LIAM: My cat was in there, but not I. MATT: Yeah, but you’d have to stay within 100 feet to maintain that. LIAM: Well, we would’ve walked up to the building, the cat would’ve scurried around, if possible. So I’d like to think that I heard all that, which is why just I said all the things I did. MATT: You did hear all that. Okay, and I’d say, as they’re making their way out, you can probably duck around without them seeing you as they left. Yeah, you can do that. So, you guys are jettisoned into the street. It’s now probably just past midnight. TRAVIS: Mollymauk, I don’t mean to pry into your business, but has this ever happened to you before? TALIESIN: This has never– anything like this has ever happened before. And thank you. For the record, I don’t owe any of you anything– TRAVIS: Oh, I don’t know about that. TALIESIN: –I swear, but thank you, and I’m ready to help with this. LAURA: Do you think it was the little girl? TALIESIN: No! That’s an act, that’s not anything. It’s just a show! TRAVIS: Right, the large toad that was with the girl, what’s the story there? TALIESIN: It’s nothing special, it’s just a guy making a buck, all right? He’s fine! MATT: You hear the footfalls of guards approach and the rattle of chains as you see Beauregard– TALIESIN: By the way, where’s the obnoxious one? The really loud– MATT: As opposed the rest of you who are gingerly brought up, you see Beauregard being pulled forward but now the chains around her are being pulled taught on two sides. She’s being brought forward like a wild animal almost. MATT: And she’s just being led towards the stockade. MARISHA: Help. LAURA: What happened? MARISHA: Help. Help help help. Help help. Help help help. (laughter) MARISHA: Help. I’m with you, I’m with you. Help help. LAURA: Oh, I thought you didn’t like jails. MARISHA: (clears throat) Help. TALIESIN: Is this part of the show by the way? I was just curious. TRAVIS: Unfortunately, no. MATT: Which is the last thing you see as she is yanked into the stockade and out of sight. TALIESIN: I’m going to be very helpful and not go in there with the two of you while you try and get her out. LAURA: So should we go in and try to get her out? TRAVIS: Well, yeah! LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: I’ll stand guard. LAURA: We’ll follow her in. TRAVIS: Don’t. Leave. TALIESIN: I have nowhere to go. MATT: You walk in behind her. You watch her being pulled to the stairs. She’s bypassing the office of the Lawmaster right now and is being brought to incarceration before being questioned. They bring her to the stairs and a torch-lit, subterranean basement area. As you begin to approach and follow behind, you can see one of the guards who is currently on watch. He sees you guys just exit and then walk back in, following another prisoner. And stands up and goes, “I’m sorry, where are you going?” TRAVIS: It was a busy day for us. Unfortunately, we’re partially responsible for this one as well. Bad luck. LAURA: She was also helping to save a lot of people. Big misunderstanding. MATT: “Well, see her into her cell and please exit the vicinity.” TRAVIS: Fair enough. MATT: “Appreciate that.” He follows behind you guys. They’re on high alert and they’re a bit scattered. You get the sense right now that they have a lot of their initial stock of guards off-site right now. So they’re doing the best they can to hold on to what they currently have in the stockade. TRAVIS: To the side I say to Jester, I say: This does not really fall in with keeping a low profile. We talked about this. LAURA: I know isn’t it so weird? TRAVIS: Yeah, it is. MATT: You guys follow down to the basement portion of this. Which there’s a heavy locked door immediately that is opened from the opposite side. You hear a couple of keys turn and the shifting of wood against metal before the door opens and reveals the rest of a long hallway that is flanked by two rows of cells. Iron bars about maybe two inches apart going across the entirety of this long hallway. You can’t quite see the end of it until you step down to where the door frame is. And there is probably a total of ten cells to each side. As you walk through, you can see in the off shadows in the corners a few huddled bodies hunched or asleep. Keeping to the shadows and out of the light. The smell of mildewed wet compost and piss hits your nose like a wall. LAURA: It smells like Caleb down here. (laughter) MATT: You get about five cells in where you can see the guard that was previously in there just finish off closing the cell that contains both Gustav and Bo the Breaker. They move to the cell just beyond that, open that cell, and then go ahead and put Beauregard into that one. TRAVIS: Are they not going to take her to see the Lawmaker? LAURA: I know, why doesn’t she get to talk to the Lawmaster? MATT: As he closes and locks it, “Because she decided not to come helpfully.” LAURA: What do you mean? MARISHA: Ah, oh, no you misunderstood. See that was just, I have this spasm that has this twitch. It was an injury from, like, a childhood thing. LAURA: Oh no, are you guys making fun of her because of her spasm? MARISHA: Yeah that’s actually– (fake crying) it was very sensitive for me. I had a really tough childhood. I was just trying to find a bathroom. MATT: The three guards walk away, not caring. Who were there previously and– SAM: Spasm shaming. MATT: At this point, a man who is on the far end of the hall walks up. And you can see him, he’s a man with a heavy, bushy beard that obscures a lot of a dark leather mantle, over a general cloth tunic. He has burly arms, heavy torso, super scrawny legs, a widow’s peak, and he looks to be the jailer. He walks up and puts his hand on the bars and goes, “Oh well, if you want to be "patient, I’m sure the Lawmaster will be here sometime in the morning and you can discuss "whatever this business is. But if you want to say goodbye, now’s the time.” TRAVIS: Actually, we were just upstairs and it would really help us if we could, perhaps, expedite the process. Perhaps there’s an arrangement we could come to if she could see the Lawmaster now. MARISHA: Yeah, I’m looking injured, man. I show him my eight hit points of damage. TALIESIN: How many kittens is that again? MATT: That’s sixteen kittens. Kittens have half of a hit point, I don’t think kittens have more than that. LIAM: That’s eight Frumpkins. TRAVIS: An audience is all we’re asking for. No favors. MARISHA: Yeah, this is just a wrong time, wrong place thing. MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: Use it. TRAVIS: God bless. 16. MATT: He gives you a look and says, “All right, but if she gets angry, it’s not on me.” TRAVIS: I understand. Thank you for your understanding. LAURA: She’s a very calm person. I’ve never seen her angry, ever. MATT: He gives a whistle. Another crownsguard comes up and approaches him and he goes, “I’m "sorry. Could you go and fetch the Lawmaster? They are requesting an audience. If she gets angry, "just add it to this one’s sentence.” The guard exits and a brief time by, you can hear the slight muddled cursing of a dwarven female descending the stairs. You can see she has an overcoat on, was halfway out of the stockades finishing up her evening in her office. TRAVIS: Beau, remember your little sister. SAM: Oh, what? Little sister? What? LIAM: We’re not there. MATT: So, as the Lawmaster approaches, now pulling the coat over herself, she goes, “Okay, so you’ve "returned, apparently, needing to poke into what business now before I go off and get some food?” TRAVIS: I do hate to trouble you again, twice in the same evening. It’s incredibly inconvenient. MATT: “I hate being troubled twice in the same evening.” TRAVIS: If we may, this sweet girl here was also part of our party and she is quite the protective one. I’m afraid that she was also providing aid to our fellows in that tent. I’m afraid her younger sister was attacked in a similar way. I feel it’s only prudent to acknowledge that she was trying to protect this young dwarven girl that performed in the circus. She means no harm. LAURA: It was an adopted sister. MARISHA: I practically raised her. It’s a sensitive subject. MATT: Okay. I would like a deception check. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah baby. 24. Natural 18. MATT: Modified by their answers. LAURA: I was helping! TRAVIS: I’m new at this stat! Don’t fuck it up! MATT: She gives a narrow look through her eyes, looks to one of the other guards that you can see standing in the back, a familiar one to you, Beau, and goes, “Is this true?” He goes, “It appeared to "us that she was attempting to escape upon us trying to bring calm to a very tense situation, "but I’ll leave it in your realm, Lawmaster.” She looks back. “So your sister, apparently, is part "of this scenario as well?” MARISHA: Adopted sister. MATT: “Okay. Well, your sister’s under investigation.” MARISHA: Sure. LAURA: She’s staying at the same place that we are. TRAVIS: Indeed. And we can be found at any hour. The Nestled Nook Inn is where we are. MARISHA: And I’m more than willing to be compliant with the investigation. In fact, you can see the injury the beast left on my ribs, so if you want to test it for any type of specimen samples, feel free. It’s very painful, but I’m willing to do it for the cause. LAURA: Do you need me to heal that? MARISHA (through gritted teeth): No! For the cause! Do it for the cause! MATT: At which she looks to you now and goes, “Are you saying you might have been infected by this "beast?” MARISHA: No. It’s a separate issue. There was two things going on. There was, like, the big angry toad beast and he got a swipe at me. And then there were people who were getting attacked. MATT: “Theeds!” And she looks over to the jailer, who goes, “Aye?” And she goes, “Could you have a "look at this wound for me real fast? I want to make sure this isn’t something that’s going to "spread.” MARISHA: Yeah! Yeah. Uh-huh. TRAVIS: A great idea indeed. And thankfully there was no flesh-to-flesh contact. MARISHA: Nope. LAURA: Yeah. The big zombie beast especially was using a lot of, like, sticks and stuff to attack people more than any kind of mouth. (laughter) MATT: The jailer, Theeds, takes a quick look at the wound and he goes, “No, it appears to mainly "be just bludgeoning. I mean, we’ll keep a close eye on her.” You can see now the Lawmaster is rubbing her eyes in frustration and goes, “I just want to sleep.” TRAVIS: Indeed. It would give us no greater pleasure than to get out of your hair. MATT: “Fine. We’ll have guards posted at the outside of the inn. You’re not to leave until this "investigation is complete. It may take days. Until we find out who’s responsible for these deaths and "bring them to justice, you are not to leave the tavern.” TRAVIS: Understood. LAURA: Like, at all during the day, even? Just a question. If we wanted to shop or something. Not okay? MATT: “Not until this is done.” LAURA: Cool. MATT: “Because otherwise, you’re welcome to stay here, instead.” LAURA: It is really beautiful here, but I think I’d rather stay at the inn? TRAVIS: Indeed we would. This is most gracious of you, Lawmaster Norda. MATT: “Get them the fuck out.” She turns around and sighs heavily as she stomps out of the chamber. The jailer opens the cell door and allows Beauregard back out, and he looks a bit confused but amused at the same time. The guards that had originally arrested you escort you out, not leaving any element of their sight off of you. They escort you guys to the actual inn itself, to the bottom floor of the Nestled Nook Inn, watch you enter, and then post up right outside the main entrance to the tavern. LAURA: You should have spasmed a couple times on the way here. MARISHA: Aw, shit. LAURA: Yeah. Opportunity missed. MARISHA: My little sister? What the what? LAURA: She’s a dwarf! She’s human! TRAVIS: What? No, I was trying to say she had a little sister that had a similar incident and that made you try to protect Toya. I was trying to throw you a bone. LAURA: Oh. You didn’t make that clear at all. MATT: Are you guys up in your room, or are you in the tavern? LIAM: Yeah. We’re having a talk. TRAVIS: We’re under watch. MARISHA: I was just trying to go with what you said. TRAVIS: Yeah. You did all right. MARISHA: All right. I mean, it kind of worked. But you’re not entirely wrong! I was trying to go get the stupid little girl, who seemed to be stupid. TRAVIS: Did you see anything? MARISHA: I tried to save her. I was like, get the hint, what’s going on? LAURA: Why would you save her? She turned those people into zombies. MARISHA: (stammers) TRAVIS: We don’t know that. LAURA: I mean, she could have. TALIESIN: She didn’t. LAURA: Oh, hi! You’re here. MARISHA: Yeah, if anything, we should be looking at this guy. Why are we putting our neck out for you? TALIESIN: You’re putting your neck out for Toya for some strange reason and I don’t know why, she’s perfectly capable of handling herself. TRAVIS: Have you been to this town before? TALIESIN: Not that I can remember. They all look the same after a while. MATT: You’ve come through once, but that was a while back and you weren’t really paying attention. TALIESIN: Busy, yeah. TRAVIS: And you’ve never seen conditions like this affect any other carnival goer before? TALIESIN: Nothing like this. Hundreds, possibly thousands of shows. Yeah, thousands of shows. Nothing. Never. It’s not us. LAURA: So great! We’re stuck in a city that has zombie issues, that’s all. TRAVIS: Where are the other two? TALIESIN: Which other two? TRAVIS: The stinky one and the little one. TALIESIN: Oh, your friends! TRAVIS: Yeah. Can we look around and see if we spot Caleb and– TALIESIN: You call them Stinky and the little one? All right. MATT: You spot around the interior of the tavern. They don’t appear to be nearby. TRAVIS: I wonder if they came back. LAURA: I’ll go up and ask the tavern keeper. MATT: Okay. Yorda? LAURA: Yeah, Yorda. MATT: “Oh, hi! Everything all right? You had a few bruiser types leading you in here, some of the "crownsguard, huh?” LAURA: Oh my gosh, there was this big trouble at the carnival, did you go? MATT: “I heard about that. I didn’t go in there, but people are coming in here saying–” LAURA: Somebody turned into a zombie and then– MATT: “I heard that! That’s incredible!” LAURA: Yeah! And then we’re all under investigation because we saved them! These guards are weird. Hey, did you see the wizard guy, the stinky guy and the little halfling? MATT: “Yeah, they came in not but a few minutes before you did. They went upstairs.” LAURA: Oh, great! They’re here! TRAVIS: They are? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Good. MATT: Meanwhile, the two of you are upstairs in your own chambers. LIAM: During all of that, I would have dragged you back here, brought you upstairs. And I whip off my ratty coat, throw it on the bed and sit down on the ground so that I’m eye level with you, Nott. SAM: Hi. LIAM: Nott, you and I have to make some decisions right now, okay? SAM: Now? LIAM: Yes. SAM: Why? LIAM: Well, I know why we said we were coming here. SAM: Get some booze, got some books, find a little taste of civilization, maybe some better food. LIAM: Yeah. I didn’t say, I also had the idea– you know, you and I meeting and teaming up has been a good thing. SAM: Oh, yes, very good. I know everyone else makes fun of your smell, but I don’t smell nothing. LIAM: That’s what I like about you. I have been thinking, and yesterday just furthers that thinking, that I don’t think you and I are enough. I had the idea that we would come here maybe and find others that we could tag along with, or meet up the way you and I did. But now I think that is a terrible idea! The people we spent the day with are lunatics. I don’t think that we can do this. I’ve changed my mind entirely, and I think we should go, but we can’t now because we are stuck here for the moment. SAM: Under sort of holding arrest or something? We can’t leave the city. LIAM: No. SAM: But I was thinking about this. The people we met down there and spent the day with: they are lunatics, but they draw a lot of attention to themselves, leaving us free to sort of slink back into the shadows a little bit. It might be sort of the perfect camouflage. No one’s going to be looking for a little goblin girl anymore, because they’ll be looking at the crazy people, the tieflings running around smashing shit. LIAM: You know, I had not thought of it quite in that way and that is a good point, but I am not convinced. I’m not convinced. And perhaps we’re better off– maybe I was too ambitious. SAM: Well, let’s give it a day and if things seem a little bit, you know, skinky-doodie tomorrow, we can fritter away in the middle of the day or something. LIAM: All right. Well, we’ll wait and see. While we’re here, one thing, okay? No Money Pot. No Rat Food. None of those plays. I have silver, we don’t need it right now. SAM: But we need to replenish the healing potion you used. If we don’t have that, then what happens the next you get in trouble? LIAM: We’re sealed here, and they are watching. We’re with a couple of tieflings, a little person in a doll mask, and a dirty ginger. We’ve got people staring at us every second of the day. We need to dial it back a little bit. SAM: All right, but how on earth are we– all right. We can cool it with the cons for a couple of days. But I can’t promise that I won’t get the itch again. LIAM: You just talk to me. You hold Frumpkin. Just keep your hands full with Frumpkin, okay? Hold my cat, okay? SAM: All right. LIAM: And then this is going to blow over because we didn’t do anything! We did something good. SAM: No! I didn’t do nothing, we just went to a show. LIAM: That’s right. SAM: It was a pretty good show. Up until, you know, the dead people part. LIAM: But it was a good show, wasn’t it? SAM: Yeah! Well, we’ll lay low. Should we pretend that we’re still friends with these people? LIAM: I was going to suggest the same thing. In fact, I think we should go downstairs. They’re going to be coming back. We don’t want to cause a stir with them, either. We just want to leave if that’s what we’re going to do. SAM: Don’t worry! I’ll turn on the charm. TALIESIN: Thank God. LIAM: Okay. Let’s get a drink. SAM: Thank gods. LIAM: We head downstairs. MATT: You guys head down. You get to the bottom of the stairs just in time to see Jester, Beauregard, Molly, and Fjord looking across the tavern, making their way in your direction, and you guys notice them meeting you in the tavern room, as well. SAM: Oh, thank God you’re here and safe! We missed you! Somehow we got separated! Friends. LAURA: That happens, yes. MARISHA: Can I insight check him? MATT: Sure. SAM and MATT: Her. MARISHA: Her. Sam. Natural 20. SAM: I’m lying! (laughter) MARISHA: Front butt?! You just saw that, too?! (laughter) MARISHA: You guys peaced out pretty quickly. LIAM: We did, I did not come to Trostenwald to go to jail. TRAVIS: What did you come to Trostenwald for? LIAM: We are tired. We’ve been traveling a long time. We’ve been saving. Wanted to take it easy for a few days. TRAVIS: Sure, I’m not trying to pry. I was just curious where you were going. MARISHA: Just curious why you have a mask. TALIESIN: If I’m going to listening to somebody’s life story I’m going to need a drink. You, gorgeous, what’s your name? MATT: You look over and see a woman with darker hair, the general barmaid. “Adelaine.” TALIESIN: Adelaine, I would like a round for all these terrible people and one for myself. What’s the difference between these three beers? I’ve honestly got to admit, they all taste the same to me. MATT: “Go with the von Brandt.” TALIESIN: Let’s get a round of von Brandt for everybody. TARVIS: Actually, if it’s all the same I’m not really an ale fan. Do you have any fire whiskey? MATT: “We can get you some liquor, aye.” LAURA: Can I have some milk? SAM: Two, please. MATT: “All right.” She walks away. LAURA: You think she heard that I wanted milk? TALIESIN: I don’t know. I’m going to ask for one of each of these beers because I want to have a tasting competition. I’m not going to be drinking alone. LIAM: I wander away from these two with their questions and I sit down with Molly. LAURA: Caleb, you want to see something cool? LIAM: I would love to see something cool. LAURA: I show Caleb where I etched the dick in the table a couple nights ago. MARISHA: Yeah! Bringing it back. LIAM: That’s pretty good. TALIESIN: How’d you etch a deck in the table? LAURA: It’s a dick. TALIESIN: Oh. LIAM: Have you always been an artist? LAURA: I have actually, I’ve been an artist since I was little. TALIESIN: You think that’s what they look like? LAURA: I’ve seen a lot of dicks. That is what most of them look like. TALIESIN: I’m already in my cups. LAURA: What? LIAM: So where do you two come from? LAURA: Us two? LIAM: Yes, you two with the horns. LAURA: Well, I don’t know where he comes from. You think we all come from the same place? That was really inconsiderate. LIAM: No, you are very different it’s very clear. LAURA: He’s purple. TALIESIN: She’s blue. LAURA: Which is pretty rare. LIAM: He’s every color. TALIESIN: It’s very true. LAURA: I’m from Nicodranas. LIAM: Remember when we started the first campaign and all those places came in a split second and all that history. I’m from Shrev`nam Chicago. Oh yes. TALIESIN: I’m from the circus. LIAM: So you’re a traveler then? TALIESIN: Oh yeah. Quite a while. LIAM: Since childhood? TALIESIN: Long as I can reasonably remember at the very least. It’s been a while. It’s nice. I like it. They’re good people. Work hard. LIAM: You have a lot of scars. TALIESIN: That’s a very funny story, actually. TRAVIS: I like funny stories. TALIESIN: Me too. TRAVIS: You did some crazy shit with that sword of yours. TALIESIN: Thank you. These swords– you buy a drink and we’ll see. TRAVIS: You polish off that one already? LAURA: Wow, that’s a lot– okay. TRAVIS: Can we get another round? For the– TALIESIN: How much I owe you for the first round? MATT: They are keeping a tally of the table. LIAM: Frumpkin scrabbles up onto Nott’s shoulder. SAM: Hi Frumpy, nice to see you again. TALIESIN: Mother always told me to never give a story away for free. TRAVIS: Wise words. LAURA: My mother said don’t give away other things for free. TALIESIN: I already like your mother. MARISHA: My mother always said nothing in life is free. TALIESIN: I can tell. MARISHA: None of this absolves the dodgy goblin who slinked past that first question. Where are you from? What are you traveling from? Why the mask? TRAVIS: Only because we seem to find ourselves in quite the predicament. SAM: We’re just a couple of friends, strolling around the countryside looking for adventure. MARISHA: Sure you are. LIAM: Do you see many goblins walking around cities here? MARISHA: It has nothing to do with that. People who move from place to place frequently tend to have other stories as to why they’re doing it. LIAM: Well, let me make it clear: goblins are not typically welcome in any cities, that is why the mask. MARISHA: Well, you’re going back to the goblin thing. I’m more curious about the travel thing. SAM: We have a string of bad luck. We tend to get in trouble in places for various reasons. Some of which is my fault. Most of which is my fault. I have sticky fingers. I can’t help myself sometimes. I’m fascinated by little bobbles and fancy pieces of jewelries and I love trinkets so much! I just have to take them, and have them with me, and put them in my pockets. It’s gotten us in a few scrapes a couple times. Caleb, he is fantastic. Very patient with me, understands. But really it’s my fault; it’s not him. He’s a smart man, a brilliant magician! Have you seen? Some of his tricks are phenomenal, really. TRAVIS: No, I’d love to. SAM: I feel bad to because we never stay in one place long enough for him to have a decent shower. (laughter) TRAVIS: It’s a moving story. MARISHA: I immediately check my pockets after that to see is Nott has lifted anything. Is everything still there, all my coin? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: I’m going to join you on this one. MARISHA: Not great. Not great at all. Six. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: 16? Everything seems to be in order for you. MARISHA: Wait that was a 15! Right? That was the dice I rolled? 16. MATT: Everything seems to be in order. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: Anyway, that’s the long and short of it. LAURA: What do you do with the things once you steal them? SAM: Well the nice ones I keep. I have a little– LAURA: Do you have a collection? SAM: I collect a lot of things, but in the last place we hunkered down, it was all taken from me. We were in one of those prisons before– Am I sharing too much? I’m sharing too much, aren’t I? We were in a prison, they took all of our belongings. I lost all of my collections. I had a lovely rock collection. I had a rare coin collection. I had a stick collection. Yeah, it’s all gone now. LAURA: What about shiny things, though? SAM: I love them. I just don’t have any right now. LAURA: Because I think if you have sticky fingers for sticks and rocks, I don’t think that will get you in trouble. SAM: True. But they were like people’s canes and things. (laughter) SAM: I mean I call them sticks because I don’t need them. But I suppose they really needed them. LAURA: Yeah, that makes sense. TALIESIN: There’s only one way to find out. MARISHA: Wait, I’m sorry. I think I need clarification. If sticks mean things like valuable canes, what do rocks mean to you? SAM: You know those rocks that humans wear on their fingers and around their necks and stuff. They’re really nice rocks. LIAM: We don’t have many of those at the moment. TRAVIS: Would it be fair to say that the more someone desires something, the more you’re interest increases? SAM: Oh I don’t care about the people who have them. I just like pretty things. Toys, anything really. LAURA: I’ll keep an eye out for things that you would like. SAM: Okay! Can you help with that? LAURA: I can if you want me to. Or I can point it out. MARISHA: Is it the joy of taking the things or do you just like gifts? SAM: No, it’s the collecting. LIAM: It’s like a nervous tick a little bit. TRAVIS: Are you good at it? Do you get caught very often? SAM: Well, would you like a demonstration? LAURA: Yes! TRAVIS: Now, Jester, if I may, we are already in a little bit of a pickle. LAURA: Steal something from me! Do you want me to close my eyes? SAM: Sure! That’ll make it really easy. Are they closed? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: All right. Out of practice here. I’m going to do a shot. Crack my knuckles. LAURA: Just don’t take the thing on my waist, because he’ll be pissed. SAM: He’ll be pissed? What? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: He? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: What’s on your waist? TALIESIN: I’m looking at her waist. What’s on her waist? MATT: What’s on your waist? LAURA: My symbol to the Traveler. SAM: Oh. All right, I’ll go to her left buttcheek pocket and fish around. LAURA: I’m in a dress. I don’t have a pocket on my buttcheek. But you can try. SAM: What pockets do you have? LAURA: I would have pockets on the front of my dress, and maybe a little pouch on my hip. SAM: I’ll do the hip pocket. MATT: All right, make a sleight of hand check. SAM: Three. (laughter) MATT: You close your eyes and feel a tug and a shake– SAM: Plus eight. MATT: What’s your passive perception? TALIESIN: I’m going to guess ten. LAURA: No, it’s 13. MATT: So, yeah, you totally feel– LAURA: You’re doing great! SAM: This is not how it usually works! The person is not really expecting it. This is embarrassing, really. I have the one skill and I failed at it. LAURA: It’s okay, you can keep practicing. LIAM: There is that one magic trick that you’re able to do. Would you like to show them the magic trick that you can do? I pull out a small red clay ceramic bowl. Then I pull out a copper piece. Here, you know the trick, right? SAM: Yes, I know the trick. Takes a little bit of time, doesn’t it? LIAM: You’re good. SAM: Okay. (clears throat) I do know one piece of magic. Feast your eyes– TRAVIS: I take one step back. on the sacred money pot of school. If you place a copper piece into this pot and say the magic words– what’s the magic word again? LIAM: Fibulous. SAM: Fibulous! It will turn into a silver piece. LAURA: Should I say it? TALIESIN: I want to hear you say it, anyway. SAM: Only I can say it. (laughter) SAM: For everyone has their own magic word, and it won’t work with you. (vocalizing, trills) By the ancient order of the school, fibulous! LIAM: That is a silver coin right there. LAURA: Oh my gosh. Wait a minute. Does this mean the silver I won from you was actually copper? SAM: No, it only works up. LAURA: Great! Thanks for the silver. SAM: Well, no, we weren’t giving you the silver piece just showing you a bit of magic. This pot is actually quite powerful. It can do that once a day, so if you’d like to purchase it. LAURA: Can you turn this into a gold piece? SAM: Well, it only works once a day. LAURA: Well, tomorrow can you make it gold? SAM: I think it only does the copper to silver? LIAM: The magic is not that strong. SAM: Yes, it’s a mild magic pot. But if you’d like to purchase it from us, we can sell it to you for five gold. LAURA: Five gold for one silver a day? That doesn’t add up. TRAVIS: By the end of the week you made your money back. LAURA: No. SAM: At discount for friends, three gold. LAURA: Three gold. SAM: And for that, we’ll teach you your own magic word. LAURA: That’s pretty good. TALIESIN: That’s 40 days. LAURA: 40 days? SAM: You can do it once a day forever, you have it for the rest of your life. LAURA: Yeah, but I have lots of money. I don’t need it. SAM: But this is free money, that you don’t have to work for. LIAM: Also, you know, they basically helped us out today. You can do it for one, for them. SAM: All right, one gold. LAURA: One gold. That’s a really good deal. Did you hear how much he gave me a deal? Okay! MATT: Do you give him the gold? LAURA: Yes, I’ll give him the gold. Hold on, let me make sure I have it. Where’s my–? TALIESIN: It’s the second button. LAURA: Oh, currency! Gold. Okay, one down. MARISHA: Do I notice anything shifty about that, while we were looking at his hands? MATT: Perception check. LAURA: What’s my magic word? LIAM: It can be whatever you want it to be. You have to agree upon it and you have to focus on that word for one full day while you are in possession of the pot. MARISHA: 21. MATT: You watch that copper piece become silver, magically. LAURA: How about skinky doodie? LIAM: Skinky doodie, that is unique. I’m sure no one else has possession of that arcane power word. I could consider it yours if you focused on it all day tomorrow. But you really have to focus. LAURA: Okay, I will. Super a lot of focus. Skinky doodie. Thank you for this. SAM: It’s a pleasure doing business with you. Does that answer your question? I’ve got some for you. MARISHA: You have questions for me? SAM: Yeah! How does someone like you – you’re human right? MARISHA: Yeah, I am. SAM: How do you come by learning Halfling? MARISHA: My parents were in the winery business. The wine making business. And halflings really like wine. SAM: Everyone likes wine! MARISHA: That’s true. TRAVIS: Some people more than others. MARISHA: Some halflings just deal in wine a lot, and a lot did in the town that I’m from and then my parents wanted me to keep up with the books and all that stuff so it forced me to learn halfling. I was around it a lot. SAM: What town was that then? LAURA: It’s close by here, right? MARISHA: It’s a bit aways. It’s Kamordah. SAM: Hmm, haven’t heard of it. MARISHA: It’s a small farming town, it’s no big deal. It’s whatever. SAM: Nothing shady there! MARISHA: Nope, just a wandering traveler just like the rest of y'all. TRAVIS: Well I mean I was really impressed with the little trick, I sure would like to see a big trick. LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to open all the windows! MATT: Being about one o'clock in the morning at this time, and the energy in the tavern has come to a quiet crawl, those who are keeping their cups are either snoring or in the process of preparing to go to sleep, you watch as Adelaine, the barmaid is walking around cleaning up tables and suddenly all the windows in the room slam open with a heavy impact and there’s a burst of wind that comes through. The two crownsguard that were outside flanking the opening doorway suddenly rush and look in and look about at the lot of you. TALIESIN: Sorry! Drinking! I did order two extra. Two extra? MATT: They both just slowly curl back to their perimeter. TALIESIN: You’re no fun. MARISHA: Yeah, circus! Woo, circus coming to town! TRAVIS: Jester, I meant a trick from Caleb. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: You want to see a trick? TRAVIS: I would love one. LIAM: I am well into my second trost at this point. I can show you a trick. Young lady, if you would assist me please. Step up onto the table. SAM: Absolutely! MARISHA: Just don’t break anything. LIAM: Adjust your minds. I begin to weave one hand in a slow circle around the other, and a globe of golden light poofs out. SAM: I put my hands and feet out in an akimbo pose. LIAM: A second little globule of light comes out. SAM: I feel it coming! Hit me! LIAM: Then two more at the same time come out of my hand. Then they amass upon my little companion and form a similar sized little humanoid of light that then coincides with my little friend. She is glowing golden on a table in the middle of the Nestled Nook. SAM: (sings) LIAM: The Goblight, ladies and gentlemen. The Goblight! SAM: Thank you! MATT: There’s some claps in the back rooms. You see one of the drunken gentlemen has come to semi-consciousness and goes, “That’s impressive!” (hic) Then passes back out on the table. TRAVIS: How did you learn to do that? LIAM: I could always do that a little bit, as a kid. I was always good with magic. I had a knack for it. That one’s easy. TRAVIS: That’s impressive. LIAM: Well, thank you. MARISHA: Aw buddy. LAURA: Maybe he can teach you how to do that. TRAVIS: Is it something that can be taught to others? TALIESIN: Are you trying to learn magic? Is that a thing? TRAVIS: Well, I’m just a little curious about how people use their magic. MARISHA: I’ve seen you have a few tricks up your sleeve. You seem like you’re not totally magic inept. TRAVIS: No, it’s relatively new for me though, so I’m just trying to learn. LIAM: Are you reading a lot? TRAVIS: No, I wonder if maybe I should be? LIAM: Well, it could be helpful. Although, I’m a bit of an amateur teacher. I taught Nott the one trick you saw, but other things. We’ve been working together, I suppose I could try to help you. MARISHA: Have you had your abilities your whole life, like a kid? TRAVIS: No. Again, fairly recently. MARISHA: Something happen? TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: Oh, I’m sorry, do you two not know each other super well? You seem like you do. MARISHA: We got a good 24-48 hours on the rest of you. TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re not super deep. MARISHA: Nope. SAM: Where did you come from then? TRAVIS: Well I came up from the town of Port Damali. LAURA: That’s where we met! TRAVIS: Yeah, I met Jester a while back and after I Ieft town, coming up to the northeast, I ran across her. I’d seen her do some of her magic before. That’s what I’m trying to learn about. LAURA: If you need anymore displays, you just let me know. LIAM: We’ve seen that window thing a couple times. It’s good. MARISHA: Can I request a display? I think I have a broken rib. It might be getting more purple. LAURA: Oh yeah, I mean I can ask, but I think I’m tapped. MARISHA: I’ll sleep it off, it’s fine. LAURA: Yeah. I can try! I’ll put my hand out. I’ll try to cast Cure Wounds. I got shit. I got nothing. It’s not happening. SAM: It’s past midnight! LAURA: Oh, no. I’ve got to sleep. MATT: You concentrate for a moment. Make a medicine check. LAURA: Okay! SAM: Natural 12! LAURA: That’s 17. MATT: 17. You focus on the bruised area, exposed out of her monk robes. You watch as the slight bruising suddenly turns like a sickly green. SAM: Is that good? MATT: In a very unhealthy way. LAURA: You know what? I think this might be worse than just like a bruised rib. Can I poke it? Does it seem infected? MARISHA: Does it hurt? LAURA: I’m not going to poke it with my finger, though, I’m going to poke at it with a fork. MARISHA: Don’t poke at me with a fork! MATT: Right now, she’s inspecting it. You take a fork off the table and poke. MARISHA: No, you don’t! LAURA: I’ll use the blunt end, don’t be such a baby! MATT: She pushes it in and the bruise hurts a bit. You watch as this sickly pus liquid begins to pour out, with a thick viscosity and a lot of it. You all of the sudden feel like you’ve punctured a balloon that’s beginning to erupt and you feel awful. Then you blink a few times and it’s just a bruise. You hear this distant (cackling). LAURA: Oh, motherfucker, he’s such a dick! SAM: What? Who? What? What’s going on? MARISHA: My bruise is in the shape of a dick? LAURA: That would be really cool. MARISHA: That would be fun! LAURA: I’m just going make sure, I’m going to push on it a bit more. I think it’s okay, you’re fine. MARISHA: All right. I’ll sleep it off. LAURA: I think I need some sleep, you guys. LIAM: Gustav, the person who runs the circus, is he your friend? TALIESIN: He’s family. LIAM: He’s family? TALIESIN: We take care of each other. He’s a good man. LIAM: So what’s your play tomorrow? TALIESIN: Well, they have all my things and they have all my family. I’m going to figure out what is going on. Try and find out what’s actually doing this. I assume since it’s none of us, it’s going to happen again. LAURA: But how can we because we can’t leave this tavern? TALIESIN: Well, I– SAM: Were Caleb and I not instructed not to leave the tavern? We received no formal instruction. MATT: No, you weren’t part of that formal instruction. The rest of you were told not to leave the tavern until further notice. TALIESIN: I’m sure if we sleep on it, we’ll think of something. LAURA: Fjord! You and I could leave in the morning the same way we got in. TRAVIS: That’s true. SAM: How’d you get in? LAURA: With magic. I would show you now, but I’m out of spells! SAM: The fork trick wasn’t very fun, was it? LAURA: No. I was making sure she wasn’t a zombie. I thought she might be. TALIESIN: That’s fair. LAURA: She got clawed, right? TALIESIN: A bit, yeah. LAURA: All right. Hey bitches, I’m going to go to bed. TALIESIN: Where exactly am I going to be sleeping, by the way? I can sleep down here, but it might be nice– TRAVIS: Molly, if you would like to share my room, you can. TALIESIN: Excellent. You don’t mind? I’m going to pull the swords off finally and start getting comfortable out of the performance clothes. MARISHA: I’m in Jester’s room, still, I think. Sleeping on the floor on my bedroll. LAURA: As she starts to go to sleep, I want to draw in my sketchbook and tell the Traveler all about the cool things I saw for the day. I’m going to draw the red faced guard as I pretended I was a zombie, and I’m going to draw Molly’s horns all full of jewels and stuff! I’m going to draw the stack of books. SAM: The monster attack? LAURA: And I’m going to draw like a zombie, but like as an old man but as he’s biting his dentures fall out and he’s not no teeth! MATT: All righty. Fairly decent sketches, actually. You eventually find yourself to sleep. The rest of you, go to your respective rooms and find yourselves falling into a night’s rest. As evening comes to a close and the morning brings you to consciousness, you are rested. You are healed up, your spells are restored. SAM: I can use the Long Rest feature of D&D Beyond! MARISHA: You hit a button! LAURA: And all my spells back! TALIESIN: There is a button for it. SAM: Whoa, nothing changed! No spells. I lost ten hit points?! What the fuck?! I’ve done something terribly wrong. (laughter) TRAVIS: D&D Beyond’s watching going, “Fuck you, Nott!” LAURA: Wait no, you’re putting temporary hit points on! What are you doing? SAM: We’ll work on this during the break. LIAM: Self destruct in 10, nine. MARISHA: He just throws the iPad. MATT: Coming to consciousness in your respective rooms, cold morning air. It’s a bit frosty. The windows to each of your rooms have a bit of that curled bit of frost on the outskirts of the glass. It’s probably 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning at this point in time and the day is yours. What do you wish to do? MARISHA: As I wake up, I sit up and I go: Jester? LAURA: Hmm? MARISHA: Were you laughing to yourself last night? I just kept hearing giggling. It was obnoxious. LAURA: I’m sorry. MARISHA: Uh-huh. I just get ready. MATT: As a note, too, for all the drinks you guys drank last night, that probably put you back about one and a half gold. TRAVIS: Molly, that’s your tab, right? TALIESIN: All but the one you bought me. TRAVIS: Yeah, except for that one. TALIESIN: To be fair, I didn’t give you that story. TRAVIS: That’s true. TALIESIN: I very carefully start unfolding my robe and it has my swords very carefully laid out in there from the closet. I do a little prayer and put everything back on. TRAVIS: Are you praying over your swords? TALIESIN: I am, of course. TRAVIS: Is that part of your thing? TALIESIN: You seem honest. TRAVIS: I try to be. TALIESIN: Well, the swords are magic. According to my mum, they go back in our family generations to a very unusual rare line of tiefling that came from a demon of ice that lived inside a volcano. Our family, and I take this with a grain of salt, were royal guards, were entrusted with these magic swords and these swords can only be activated by the blood of the royal family. So in honor of any fighting I ever do with them, I make sure my blood is at least drawn once. TRAVIS: That’s quite the story. Can I insight check him? MATT: Yes, you may. TRAVIS: 15. TALIESIN: What am I fighting against? MATT: This would be deception. TALIESIN: That would be deception. All right. I’m lying like a motherfucker. TRAVIS: Well thank you for sharing that honest story with me. It means a lot. TALIESIN: I walk downstairs. MATT: All right. LAURA: Can I go knock on Fjord’s door? MATT: Sure. LAURA: Ey oh ey, good morning! SAM: She’s a morning person too? Jesus. TRAVIS: Ey oh ey yourself. (laughter) LAURA: Hey, do you want to get out of here? TRAVIS: Yeah, we said we were going to do that, didn’t we? What did you have in mind? LAURA: Well, we sneak out and then we go find out why there are zombies. TRAVIS: That’s a detailed plan. LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: I like it. Are we taking anybody with us? LAURA: Well, if they can make themselves not look like themselves, then sure. TRAVIS: Fair enough. Do you want to ask any of them? LAURA: Hey, Beau. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Do you have anything you can do to make yourself not look like you? MARISHA: I take my robes and I flip them inside out and I take some dirt and dirty it up a little bit and take my hair down and I steal a scarf off of Jester’s stuff and I do a bandana around my head. LAURA: No, you look like you with a bandana around your head. TRAVIS: Yeah that’s not going to cut it, not quite like what we had in mind. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: What are you guys doing? You guys leaving? Are you guys fucking leaving? You’re not leaving without me are you? LAURA: No, of course, we’re coming back. MARISHA: You’re skipping town. LAURA: No. Oh, but we could. TRAVIS: She’s right here. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: I could skip town with you, though. Do you want to skip town? LAURA: We’ll be back. TRAVIS: Let’s see if Caleb and his little friend are downstairs first. He has tricks after all. LAURA: Right. MATT: Okay, the two of you come to consciousness. What are you up to? SAM: Get some breakfast, I guess? LIAM: Yeah, we’re already down there. MATT: You’ve already gone down there? TALIESIN: I’ve already gone. I’m having breakfast. I’m leaving a note with the barkeep for Yasha if she comes back. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I guess I go down and have breakfast as well. MATT: As you guys wander down you find Caleb and Nott already at a table and Mollymauk returning from the bar after delivering that note. TRAVIS: Y'all are downstairs? SAM: (messy eating noises) LAURA: Can I try to pick a piece of bacon off your plate? SAM: (growls) Sure, for you. LAURA: Thanks. TRAVIS: It’s like a little dog. The little back foot creeps up. (growls) If we could we’re– did you just fucking? Shit. We were thinking of maybe finding our way outside of the inn for a bit. I don’t want to presume anything, but do you have the ability to change the way you look? LIAM: To change the way I look? TRAVIS: Yeah. You know LIAM: To leave the inn? TRAVIS: Yeah, assume a different form. LIAM: Why would I do that to leave the inn? LAURA: So we can find out why there are zombies. LIAM: Why wouldn’t I just walk out of the inn? LAURA: Well, because we were told we can’t leave the inn. SAM: We weren’t told that. TRAVIS: Right. LAURA: Huh. Well, that’s convenient. SAM: But I can change my appearance. LAURA: Wow. I would never know it was you. SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Molly, what about you? TALIESIN: Well, I mean look at me. I go into my bag. I do have a disguise kit. Don’t I? I think I do. It’s so weird to just have things now. Yeah, I have a disguise kit. TRAVIS: Fair enough. SAM: What does that mean? MATT: It means he can use to try and disguise himself. Hide features. TALIESIN: It’d be a little tricky for me. I look like what I’m going to look like. But the rest of you could do a little work. TRAVIS: Beau, I don’t want to leave you behind, but I– LAURA: It’s true. I have a disguise kit, too. I could help you out. MARISHA: Would you do my makeup for me? LAURA: I’m really good at makeup. MARISHA: Are you? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Let’s do that. LAURA: I’m really shit at makeup. (laughter) TALIESIN: We could just shower this one that would be enough. LAURA: He can leave, apparently. LIAM: Yeah, we could. But not town, we were told to stay in town. LAURA: No, no, we’re going to stay in town. SAM: What are we doing again? LAURA: We have to find out why there are zombies so we that don’t get arrested for being zombies. SAM: So we solve the case to clear our own name. LIAM: Why shouldn’t we just wait for it all to blow over? We didn’t do anything. TALIESIN: I tend to find these things don’t blow over necessarily as more they just eventually decide someone’s guilty and take their revenge on them. LIAM: Do you find yourself in situations like this often? TALIESIN: Not this particular one, but yes. MARISHA: I mean, look at him. No offense or anything. TALIESIN: None taken, really. A little taken, but that’s fine. TRAVIS: He makes a point. I think that the sooner we find the cause of this, the sooner we can get out of here. TALIESIN: She’s right, immediately the two of us are going to get hit with this. SAM: If we solve the case we would be absolved. It’s not a terrible plan. MARISHA: And you’re so concerned with your goblin friend. I mean he’s in the same boat as the tieflings. LIAM: That’s a girl. LAURA: I know it’s hard to tell. MARISHA: I said your goblin friend. LAURA and LAURA: You said he. MARISHA: Whatever. SAM: Listen, we’ve all had a rough night. I know that my features aren’t necessarily the most feminine. Among goblin kind, I understand. It’s hard to tell. LAURA: I can tell. LIAM: Everybody can tell. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I’m working on it. TRAVIS: Let’s get out of here. Can I walk back into a privy, washroom area? MATT: Yeah, upstairs at the very end of the hall is the communal washroom. TRAVIS: Can I use my Mask of Many Faces to cast Disguise Self on myself? MATT: Sure, what form so you want to take? TRAVIS: Older, white-haired, with a beard. Just very simple peasant’s clothes. Maybe a bit of a farmer or a land worker. MATT: Okay, easily enough. Basic browns and tans and general farm worker’s tunic and supplies. TRAVIS: Smudges, dirt on the fingernails. MATT: Yeah, easy enough. LAURA: I’m going to help Beau. You know what I’m going to do for you? I’m going to use my disguise kit I’m going to give you a beard. MARISHA: Oh, yeah! LAURA: Yeah and I’m going to turn you into a dude, that’s a good disguise, right? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA. Yeah, and a mustache. And a hat. MARISHA: Love it. SAM: You really have to sell it though, and act like a dude. MARISHA: (low, gravelly voice) I think I can do that. SAM: Oh yes! MARISHA: I’m going to go a step further and tape down my boobs, bandage them down all the way, you know wrap them. Stuff my crotch a little bit. MATT: All right. Go ahead and make a dexterity check. TALIESIN: Do you want assistance with this? LAURA: Was he helping me? MATT: If you want to. LAURA: Sure. MATT: So take it with advantage. TALIESIN: Oh, with advantage. LAURA: Good. Okay, with the advantage. Dexterity. 15. MATT: 15, okay. You actually manage to sell a decent disguise. MARISHA: Do I have some five o'clock shadow? MATT: At a distance, at like three or four feet would be passable and walking quickly by. Upon close inspection, you could see through it. LIAM: Is it like one of those old kids toys where you use the magnet to pull the little filings up? MATT: More or less. MARISHA: Mr. Woolly? MATT: A medieval version of that. LIAM: Herr Woolly. MATT: But impressive. Using the kit and using whatever scraps of clothing you can find and amass you manage to get a relatively top-knot Silverlake hobo version of Beau functionally ready to go. LAURA: It’s good, it’s good. MARISHA: Wait Fjord how do you sound? Say words, you’re manly. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Manly words. Mirror image. I got nuts. (laughter) LAURA: And I’ll cast Disguise Self on myself, as well, and turn myself into a human with blonde hair and she’s going to be very clean-looking. SAM: Angelina. LAURA: Yes! With big lips, and a couple jewels on her fingers. MATT: Okay. Just double-checking here, Disguise Self lasts for, is it an hour? Yeah, I thought it was an hour. So while they’re doing that, are you using your disguise kit on yourself? TALIESIN: I assume I’ve just got some very basic black robe that just– MATT: Yeah, with a cloak and hood and make-up, you can probably pass for human as long as you keep the hood up, and keep most of your more ostentatious garb hidden. TALIESIN: I’m sure I’ve got a set. MATT: Go ahead and make a dexterity check for your disguise kit. LAURA: Do you want help? TALIESIN: Yes please, this is a lot of work. It’s a natural 20, that’ll do it. MATT: All right. Between making your skin tone more of a natural tan, peach humanoid color, bring the hood up. You actually pull some of your hair forward and adhere it a bit around the horns so that it looks almost like a cluster of hair in the front. You manage to tuck in and tie your robe behind you, your usual clothing, and then using an over-robe to hide most of the material, and you look like a dude passing through. So with that your disguises are complete, your spells are cast. MARISHA: Is that your human face? LIAM: While they’re doing all that, I want to stroll outside and see if there’s crownsguard outside, or what. I’m just going to get a breath of fresh air and see what’s on the street outside of this place. MATT: Okay. As you exit, there are two gentlemen in full crownsguard gear. One is standing outside, the other is currently sitting in a chair, and as soon as you walk past, they both scan you up and down, continue to watch you pass by. LIAM: Good. There’s only just the two at the door? MATT: Just the two that you can see at the front, yes. LIAM: Okay, all right. So I just take a minute or two. I go back inside. And– on Nott’s shoulder and say we’re good, yeah, I think we’re good. SAM: Excellent. LAURA: Should we try to do this, then? TRAVIS: In twos, or singles. LAURA: Yeah, of course, not all at the same time, that’s obvious. TRAVIS: Level two, trying to get out of a fucking inn. MARISHA: It’s so hard. TALIESIN: Now I’m kicking myself. MARISHA: So anxiety-inducing. TALIESIN: No, never mind, I didn’t do it at the time, I can’t do it now. No retconning, never mind. LIAM: I’m going to squat down over with you, privately. I still think that this is a bad idea, but I can tell that you want to. SAM: Well it’s just that– listen, there’s no offense, I enjoy our talks and your schooling and everything, but I haven’t talked this openly and freely with other people in months. It’s amazing. LIAM: It really is pretty nice, isn’t it? SAM: Yes! LIAM: Still, if this goes south, we leave. SAM: We’re the first ones out the door. LIAM: Easily. SAM: Yeah. They’ll never know who we were. LIAM: Caleb and Nott. SAM: Well, don’t say that too much. I mean, yes, they do know that we’re Caleb and Nott, yes. LIAM: All right. SAM: Okay. LIAM: So we’re doing this? SAM: Yeah, let’s just go with, and see where it leads. LAURA: Can I walk up to Nott? SAM: Hi! Yes, we weren’t talking! LAURA: (high-pitched) Do you like my outfit? SAM: Oh! What are you? I’m sorry, I’m just a young girl from the village. LAURA: And I’m just a young girl from town. SAM: I don’t know anything. I should go get my father. TRAVIS: (high-pitched) New York is where I’d rather stay! (laughter) LAURA: Nott, it’s me! It’s Jester! SAM: But you look like– LAURA: I know! This is how good I am at magic! Check me out. Are we leaving here or not? SAM: Are you afraid you’ll be propositioned on the street? LAURA: I am really attractive right now. SAM: Those lips are very big. LAURA: I came over here to give you the blessing! SAM: What is that? What does that do? LAURA: It helps you with your stealthing! SAM: Oh, the stealthy thing, yes, thank you so much, I’ll accept it. LAURA: You’re welcome. Okay, that’s it. But I’ll see you outside at some point, okay? Don’t be scared, come up to me. SAM and LAURA: Okay. MATT: Okay, in what order are you leaving? TRAVIS: Should I go first? LAURA: Sure! MARISHA: Are we going out in pairs? Like you said? (Deeper) Are we going out in pairs? TALIESIN: Has Adelaine noticed any of this? MATT: I imagine you guys have been using your disguise kits in your own rooms and chambers. Other than that, no one immediately seems to be noticing. Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Not command ops in the tavern hall. TALIESIN: Let’s call that a– LAURA: 14! TALIESIN: 14, thank you. MATT: You do see Yorda, the barkeep, in the process of wiping out some glasses at the end, she’s occasionally giving a glance over to you guys as you’re walking around. LAURA: (whispering) You go first! TRAVIS: You want to come with? MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Don’t do anything stupid. Mouth shut, eyes forward. Show me how you walk. Maybe a little less. That’s nice. I also assume a little limp, slight. MATT: I’ll say for the purpose of this, each of you make a performance check. LAURA: Oh, god. TRAVIS: 20. MARISHA: 16. MATT: Okay. The both of you exit out, holding your breath. Out of your peripheral you can see the deep reds and golds of the crownsguard armor flanking you as you breach the outer porch of the tavern, stepping down into the dust to the main street. You curve to the left and see nor hear any reaction from either of them. TRAVIS: Just keep moving to the other side of the street. TALIESIN: I go single just a little bit after, and I rolled a natural 20. SAM: Is that three for the night? TALIESIN: Yep. SAM: Oh my god. TRAVIS: What color is that die? TALIESIN: It seems to be iron, like my will. MATT: It may not have been the snitch after all, you asshole. TALIESIN: Me and my magic swords. MATT: Apparently. All right, you saunter by without an issue. By saunter, I mean you stumble through. You hear a cough at one point, and it causes you a moment, but you just continue on without notice. LAURA: Oh, everybody’s leaving and I didn’t have a partner! MARISHA: It’s fine, don’t worry about it. SAM: You can come with us, if you like. LAURA: But I feel like you guys are noticeable and why would I be this really beautiful woman leaving with the stinky guy? SAM: It’s quickly becoming canon that you just have shit smeared all over you. You could travel with me! I could be your daughter. LAURA: You’re my daughter! SAM: Yes! We’re a couple, and he’s our guard or something, I don’t know. LAURA: Yeah! You leave after us Caleb, okay? LIAM: Isn’t it simpler for you to walk on yourself like a beautiful woman? LAURA: No, me and Nott are going to go together. Okay, come on, Nott! SAM: I’m sorry, she’s very forward. LAURA: Come on sweetie, let’s go. SAM: Yes, mommy! LAURA: And we walk out. MATT: You guys don’t have to make a performance check because you’ve exited before, and you’re completely visually a different individual, so you guys pass through without an issue. Caleb, you can follow up behind, as you are not currently under direct guard in the tavern. They do notice you exit, and they’re aware of your presence, but you are not confined to the tavern. So you guys all manage to slowly come together a few blocks down and out of the sight of the crownsguard guarding the Nestled Nook Inn, and where are you off to? LAURA: We did it! Where should we go? TRAVIS: Let’s just keep walking for now. LAURA: Okay. Should we walk toward the carnival where the zombies were? TALIESIN: Who was he, would be my question. LAURA: Oh, right. We should find out where he’s from. How do we do that? Should we ask around and say hey, anybody know where the old guy came from that turned into a zombie? TRAVIS: That’s a good point. TALIESIN: Seems to be the most appropriate thing to ask at this point. LIAM: Well, we could find some public places and just gossip a bit, see if anybody has heard of him, if a friend has died at the circus last night. MARISHA: I mean, you mentioned no sick people. If he was sick, sometimes that word gets around. TRAVIS: Maybe there is a morgue, maybe they recognized him. TALIESIN: These small towns, most everyone knows everybody else. LAURA: Let’s go to, is there a market area? MATT: They don’t have a large bazaar, but there is an area that is generally where a lot of the simple wares and vegetables and meats and people who sell small things that they craft their own at, it’s a small market. If you want to make an investigation check. LAURA: 16. MATT: Okay, by going around asking questions and inquiring and trying to prod people to talk about what transpired the night before, the information you gather involves the man who passed away. His name is Enon Brinjay. LIAM: Grimjay? MATT: Brinjay. He’s a standard human being in his early 80s. He’s old, but healthy, it seemed. TRAVIS: Was he in good health? MATT: Seemed to be in good health for his age. LIAM: So our war against the old continues. MATT: Apparently. TALIESIN: We’re the Logan’s Run of D&D. MATT: He seemed to have been retired for quite some time, but had been making little bits here and there, helping the fishermen move fish to and from the outside of the lake. He wasn’t really well known. The reason people are talking about him now is because the word is gotten around and gossiped about, but for the most part, he was one of the many faceless people that live in the town. A handful knew his name. TALIESIN: Retired fisherman? MARISHA: He was helping. TALIESIN: Do we know where he was retired from and where he was staying, maybe where he was drinking? He had to go somewhere. MATT: Actually, he was known often to be drinking at The Old Mud Hole Tavern. TALIESIN: Is that with the weird “e” spelling? MATT: No, just “old.” TALIESIN: I’m always a fan. MATT: I know. LAURA: “Ye olde.” TALIESIN: “Ye olde” It’s pronounced “the” when you see the ye. TRAVIS: I should point out this is the second connection to the Ustaloch. TALIESIN: The what? TRAVIS: Well, before we met up with you two, we fought off a wicked, sick water snake. LAURA: It came up out of the lake for some reason. TALIESIN: Is this a metaphor or is this actually a real thing? LAURA: It really happened. I almost died. MARISHA: I punched a snake to death. LAURA: She did. SAM: There were the snakes in the circus last night, but it wasn’t related to the attack, I suppose. LAURA: A little different. LIAM: How long of a snake are we talking about? MARISHA: Oh, it was a giant water snake, then the little girls were complaining about more and more instances of these snakes coming out of the lake. SAM: And this fellow who died worked with the fishermen in the lake? LAURA: Well, he took some jobs with them. Did anybody see him the day of the carnival? Was he working with anyone that day? MATT: You don’t find any of that information. That would be an intense investigation. You would have to go beyond asking questions around a market. SAM: Is the lake within the city limits? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: It’s technically considered part of the city. It might not be an issue. LAURA: Where’s Ye Olde Mud Hole Tavern at? MATT: The Mud Hole Tavern, you’ve been to before. TALIESIN: I was doing my rounds. MATT: Yeah, when you first entered the city, so you can– MARISHA: The Lochward, is that what we’re talking about? MATT: The Lochward is where the Old Mud Hole would be at. The Lochward is to the eastern side of the entire city. The Lochward is the central one. LIAM: The wards border the lake. MATT: So you make your way to the Old Mud Hole. Entering inside, this is a dark dive of a bar, you’ve been there once before. It smells heavily of old, wet wood, ale stains, and peanut. It’s a very small area and of the four tables that are there, they are mostly empty, except for one old man who is sitting there in the process of playing a game of solitaire with his cards and a man in his 30s thumbing through a book, who would be the barkeep if there were more patrons at the moment. He’s flipping through and glances up and gives you a look as you enter. “Can I help you? Are you "looking for drinks? Can I get you anything?” LIAM: Yeah, I would really love a drink and I sit down next to him. What do you have? I need something heavier than a trost. I’ve had enough trosts to last me a lifetime. MATT: “We have liquor.” LIAM: I will take your liquor. MATT: “I will get some whiskey for you then. Whiskey, everyone?” MARISHA: Sure. SAM: Two please. LAURA: It’s okay. She’s my daughter. She loves whiskey. I don’t even remember what voice I was doing. (laughing) MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: I let her have any whiskey she wants. Oh, that’s pretty good. 17. TALIESIN: We’ve been doing a pub crawl. MATT: He goes and lines up a few small containers, fills whiskey for all of you. “All right, that "will be eight silver for the batch.” LIAM: I have that. I pull out eight silver. Oh wait, silver, did you say? I do not have eight silver. LAURA: It’s okay. I have it. LIAM: You do? LAURA: Sure. (high-pitched voice) I mean, sure. MATT: He takes the silver and puts it away, slides the drinks to the rest of you and goes back to his book and starts thumbing through again. LIAM: Honestly, it’s been a terrible 24 hours. We were at the circus last night and I did not know him well, but old man Brinjay fell. MATT: He looks up and goes, “Enon, it’s sad to see him go and many of us were wondering what day it "was going to be.” LIAM: Did you know him? MATT: “He came in here most every day to drink. He’s a lonely man.” LIAM: It was a terrible way to go. I’m sorry. MATT: “Doesn’t bother me one way or the other. Just sad to lose a patron.” LAURA: Do you know who was talking to him the day of the carnival? MATT: “I don’t recall. Sometimes he would tell stories to whoever was willing to listen and not "most were willing to listen.” LAURA: Was he here that day? MATT: “Yesterday?” LAURA: Yeah. MATT: “I think he came in briefly for a drink before the carnival, but that was it.” MARISHA: You know, we should drink to old stories of Brinjay. TRAVIS: (shushes) TALIESIN: I down my shot. What did the man drink out of curiosity? What was his final drink? I’m a bit of a macabre person myself. MATT: “It’s this very whiskey you just had.” TALIESIN: I’ll take one more, and I’ll get one of my own. LIAM: I heard he was sick, too. MATT: “I don’t believe he was ill. I hope not. He seemed to be rather wasting away. You shouldn’t be doing so much manual labor at that age.” SAM: What labor was he doing? MATT: “He carries stuff around from small tasks to– SAM: Down at the docks? MATT: "The docks, up at the North Ward. He carried crates, boxes. Just odd jobs, ways to get by ‘til "the end of his days, which now that they’ve come, may he rest and not have to do odd jobs ever "again.” He pours his own bit of whiskey. ALL: Cheers. LAURA: Do you know who he was doing odd jobs for that day? SAM: Your lady voice is worse than mine. MATT: “To be honest, if he did, I wasn’t paying attention.” LIAM: I’m sure his family will miss him very much. MATT: “There’s nobody nearby. He had a son about 35 years ago, but he got married and went up "north.” TRAVIS: Did he work for any of the particular breweries around? MATT: “I don’t know. Maybe.” MARISHA: Brinjay. LAURA: Where did he sit in here? MATT: He points over to the not the table the guy is playing solitaire on, but the empty table to the right of him. “Usually right there in the corner.” LAURA: I go sit in the corner. I’m going to look for anything I can find that looks like an old man was touching it. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. LAURA: Okay. I’m really good at these. 12. MATT: 12. It looks like probably old person touching has been all over here. Yes. The table is very old and warped in places, stains all over it. It’s not a very good table. It’s seen some rough days. TRAVIS: If we were to go down to the docks and ask after a few people he worked with, is there anyone you know that we should speak to, familiar of his? MATT: “I apologize. I served him drinks and pretended to listen to him many times, but I "wasn’t really paying attention.” TRAVIS: I understand that. MARISHA: Is there anyone who did? That wasn’t hypothetical. MATT: “Maybe. I apologize. I spend most of my days reading.” He lifts the book. MARISHA: What’s the book? SAM: You read! LIAM: Subtle, guys. TALIESIN: We got a reader. While they’re doing this, I’m going to saunter over to the card player. LIAM: Can I see what’s on the spine of that book from where I am? MATT: At a glance at it, it’s in Zemnian, which you can read. The translation would come about to The Rosed Embrace. MARISHA: A romance novel. MATT: Probably. LAURA: Is Fabio on the cover? LIAM: How’s your trashy novel? Is it a good one? No judgement. MATT: “It’s not trashy. It’s very tasteful.” LIAM: Oh no, I’m fluent in Zemnian. I’ve read all of his works. MATT: “Have you?” LIAM: Mutual fan. MATT: “I didn’t realize there was another Samuel fan in here. Which is your favorite?” LIAM: I love the Farthing’s Embrace. MATT: “I haven’t read that one.” LIAM: It’s an early one. He actually did it under a pseudonym. He did a whole series under that pseudonym, short stories. MATT: “What is it again?” He goes over and grabs a piece of chalk in the back and starts, “It was–?” LIAM: Farthing’s Embrace. MATT: “Mein Gott, I did not know about this. I may have to send out Zadash and see if we can find "some of those books. Thank you.” LIAM: You’re a big reader or just Samuel? MATT: “Just recently Samuel. I read on occasion. It depends on what you can find.” LIAM: I read a lot, but all I’ve been able to find in this town is that parchment place. MATT: “The parchment place is good for trash. If you’re looking for unique stuff, there’s a few "places you can go.” LIAM: Here in town? MATT: “Here in town, yeah. If you’re having a hard time finding a specific book, I would recommend "going to Burnished Bibelots.” LIAM: Burnished Bibelots. Which ward is that in? MATT: “That is in the North Ward, just on the outskirts of the main market street. It’s a bit of "a cluttered mess, but Oglen would be happy to help you. LIAM: Oglen? MATT: "Oglen.” LIAM: That is good to know. Thank you. MATT: “Not to worry.” LIAM: Those are hard to find, the Farthing’s Embrace. MATT: “I imagine so. It can’t be that bad.” LIAM: He wasn’t as proud of them. Early work and all that. MATT: “Of course. I have a contact in Rexxentrum. If I cannot find it in Zadash, I will get it from Rexxentrum.” LIAM: That would be the place. MATT: “What’s your name?” LIAM: My name is Caleb. MATT: “Caleb. Pleasure to meet you. I am Vosna.” TRAVIS: Thank you for the drink, Vosna. I’ll be taking my leave now. MATT: “Of course. If anybody else is a reader as well, come by and talk sometime.” TALIESIN: Not there at all. LIAM: This has been quite a day. LAURA: Is there pictures? (in high-pitched voice) Is there pictures? MATT: “Pictures are up in here.” LAURA: Oh. Sounds exciting. LIAM: I sneak my undrunk whiskey to Nott. SAM: I take out my flask from my leg, unscrew it, and pour it in. MATT: Okay. LAURA: What do you guys think? Should we stay here? Should we go somewhere else? TRAVIS: We got to get Molly. TALIESIN: I just sat down for a moment with this solitaire player. MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: They say that solitaire is the game for the death-obsessed. There’s inevitability to every hand, most of them are doomed from the start no matter what you do. Any interest to buck fate and try your hand at an opponent for once? No money, just friendly. I slide the rest of my whiskey over. MATT: “Are you a devil?” TALIESIN: I’ve been called worse. MATT: “I don’t play with devils.” TALIESIN: I’m just a man who saw another man die yesterday. It’s been heavy on my conscience and I was just wondering if there was anything you could tell me about Enon. MATT: “Enon wanted to go to that bloody circus.” TALIESIN: I’m regretting it myself. MATT: “I told him not to go. Stupid, it is for the common folk and the young. He’s always had his "head in the clouds.” TALIESIN: Has he? That’s not what other people have said. MATT: “Other people are stupid.” TALIESIN: Why do you think he went? Why do you think that happened to him? MATT: “He’s lonely. Don’t trust the carnival. Nothing but spooks and magicians and things that "want to take your life and take your money, take your family, whisk you away. Fuck the circus.” TALIESIN: Fuck the circus. So that’s what you think happened to him, then? I feel like there’s something evil afoot. MATT: “Says the devil.” TALIESIN: Again, I’ve been called worse. Sure you have in your time, as well. MATT: He takes the drink, sips it. “Don’t come ‘round here no more.” TALIESIN: I take my cup back. Down it. I love small towns. MARISHA: Shithead. TRAVIS: We head outside. Well, that was revealing. SAM: Was it? MARISHA: We learned a few things, actually. He’s a prime target. Perfect victim, perfect candidate. No one really paid attention to him, he was old, he had no family, his son’s gone. TALIESIN: Awfully convenient. MARISHA: Awfully convenient. Still awfully convenient that your little circus doesn’t allow the elderly, which you never fully explained, and he happened to be one of the oldest people in that circus. Where did that rule come from? The sick makes sense, I asked you that before, but why elderly? TALIESIN: That rule’s been around for as long as I can remember because it makes people think the show’s dangerous. Gives them a thrill. TRAVIS: You’re worried about them having a heart attack or something? TALIESIN: We’re not really worried about people having a heart attack; we want people to be worried about having a heart attack, because then they’re more excited to come see the show. This is how these shows work. MARISHA: Do you know who implemented that rule? TALIESIN: Before my time. LAURA: In his defense, every carnival I’ve gone to has said no sick people, no old people. TALIESIN: It’s a boilerplate. MARISHA: Still a good candidate. TALIESIN: If you were trying to hide doing something to someone it’s a great candidate. If I was trying to get away with something, terrible idea. MARISHA: Or if you were trying to frame someone. Seems to be a lot of pretty bigoted people in this town who don’t like tieflings and other strange lots. Jester, you actually said one of the smartest things of the night, which is– you did, yeah. Which is, guard’s really weird. LAURA: Right? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Wait, what? LAURA: The guards are really weird. MARISHA: The Crownsguards. As you were saying, the Ustaloch? TALIESIN: What kind of weird? LAURA: Like, you know, they– What kind of weird? (laughter) MARISHA: They seem to be the one connecting through-line. Also, what’s her name, Norda? Mentioned that she didn’t want to let you lot in, but made an exception. I don’t know, if I wanted to do something, and if I already knew a bunch of people were upset and angry at a circus and strange people coming in, it’s easy framing, in my opinion. TRAVIS: She makes a valid point, actually. LAURA. Oh. If people are scared of carnivals, they won’t want them in the future. TRAVIS: Bingo. MARISHA: That, or if you’re up to no good and you don’t want to get caught, blame it on the easy frame. The weirdos who just rolled into town. LAURA: Great, so we just need to investigate the guards. TRAVIS: That might be harder to do. Maybe we go down to the Lochward. TALIESIN: Start at the docks, but I’ll keep that in mind. MARISHA: I don’t know, it might not be the guards. There might be another through-line that we’re missing. LAURA: Do we need to question the guards? SAM: That sounds terrible. LAURA: Maybe we should tell them they can’t leave town. MARISHA: Ooh, that’s a good idea, yeah! Maybe when they question us– LAURA: We turn it around! MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah! MARISHA: I like that. TALIESIN: I was about– nope, nevermind. LAURA: What? TALIESIN: I was about to be very impressed, but I take it back. MARISHA: Aw. TRAVIS: How far is it from where we are to the Lochward? MATT: You guys are technically in the Lochward. It’s a quick jaunt over to the edge of the Ustaloch. MARISHA: So the Ustaloch is the docks? It’s what they called the ward, or it’s the lake? MATT: It’s the giant lake that the docks are up against. The city is built against this giant, kidney bean-shaped lake. MARISHA: What does “usta” mean? What does “usta” come from? MATT: Do you speak Zemnian? MARISHA: You speak Zemnian. LIAM: I do speak Zemnian. TALIESIN: What does “usta” mean? LIAM: It means– MATT: Do you know? LIAM: Do I know? MATT: I just wanted to fuck with you. LIAM: It’s been a while, but osten means lake. No, it’s not Lake Lake. MATT: Essentially, it just means “an east lake.” LIAM and MARISHA: East Lake. TALIESIN: Very good. MATT: Not too complicated. MARISHA: All right. TALIESIN: I’d like to avoid the guards for as long as possible. MARISHA: Agreed. TRAVIS: Let’s head down to the docks. Keeping an eye out for crownsguard. MATT: As you guys make your way towards the Ustaloch and the Dockward there, we’ll go and take a break. We’ll be back in a few minutes. We’ll continue to unveil this mystery. SAM: This is exciting. Gripping. MATT: Indeed. I suppose. Little low level mystery here. We’ll see where this goes. All right guys, back here in a few minutes. We’re going to take a quick restroom break, pick it up from here. We have video at the break for this week’s contest, so if you’re watching on Twitch, feel free to go ahead and pay attention to get the password and enter this contest, and we’ll have the victor at the end of the break. We’ll be back here in a few minutes, and we’ll see you then. [break] MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Before we dive in, real fast, we do have a winner from the chat. Thanks, Sam. Congratulations to AvilynRain, AvilynRain in the Twitch chat! You won the awesome Wyrmwood prize package. Danoba will be in contact with you to get your contact information and get that sent out to you. Congratulations. MARISHA: I love how we just went through every rain song in about 30 seconds. MATT: Yeah we did! Most of them. As you guys make your way across the streets of the Lochward, you find yourself to the docks, which are about five or six main dock structures that protrude anywhere from ten to 30 or so feet into the loch itself. There are no major ships. The biggest river that exits the loch heads towards the mountains, so there is no direct path to the inlet. All the boats in here are small fishermen’s boats; they’re designed specifically for the lake, for freshwater fishing and whatever needs to be transferred from bank to bank. As you approach, you can see a good amount of the boats are still out on the water. You can look out and see the outline of them against the horizon. You see a couple of small landmasses in the center of the loch, that are barely out of view. You approach, and the first couple of fishermen that walk past you both look to be hardened in their years. Their skin is very battered by the sun, it’s wrinkled and dark from constant beating of the sky upon them. They glance over at this unique-looking troupe as they approach. They stop and don’t say anything, they just look at you like “What are you doing here?” LAURA: Do we still have Disguise Self up? MATT: You have it for maybe ten more minutes. MARISHA: Oh shit. TRAVIS: Do we see any King’s Guard? Crownsguard? MATT: Crownsguard? Make a perception check. LAURA: 11. TRAVIS: 11, same. MATT: Glancing about, you don’t see any crownsguard in the immediate vicinity of the Lochward. You’ve seen them, they patrol the town and walk through, ward to ward, but you don’t see any at the moment, no. LAURA: Looks like we’re ahead of them in the investigation. MARISHA: Hey, Jester. Do you happen to remember the name of that guy whose daughter we saved from the snake? LAURA: Oh shit. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Let’s see if I wrote it down in my sketchbook. MARISHA: Yeah, because I didn’t write it down. LAURA: King Bertrand? TRAVIS: No. LAURA: Okay. What about– no, I know that guy. Nope, I didn’t. MARISHA: Damn it. MATT: You remember where he lives, mostly, because you were there. MARISHA: That’s true. LAURA: We could go by there. MARISHA: We could go by. He seems to like us. LAURA: He worked out there, right? MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You guys make your way along the edge of the loch to the outside of the fisherman’s house. The house is currently being repaired. You can see in the main doorway, the door is off the hinges, and there’s a large pile of ruined furniture and cabinets that have been shifted out of the building. You can also see a long serpentine body that is currently being skinned by a younger man, probably 14 or 15. He’s in the process of carving the skin off of it. This thing is about 20 to 25 feet long. MARISHA: That’s the snake I punched. LIAM: That’s your work? That’s impressive. You took it all by yourself? MARISHA: Well, no. They helped me. I’m not an egomaniac. They fucking helped me. LIAM: But I saw your guns last night. You probably took the lead. MARISHA: Give credit to the whole damn group, move on. TRAVIS: Flattery got you nowhere. TALIESIN: I’m comparing the snake to the snake that’s tattooed on my hand to try and get the heads to be the exact same size. LIAM: We have been in the woods for too long. I’ve forgotten how to talk to people. SAM: Your game is really suffering. MARISHA: Thanks for the damn compliment. MATT: As you approach, the young man with this large, sharpened knife– it looks like it may have been a heavy butchering knife that he’s using to fillet and pull the skin off the snake. Looks back at you guys and doesn’t know what’s going on. You hear a voice go, “Hey!” You look up and you see the fisherman that you saw before, the one who came to you guys in the tavern. He’s up on top of the roof, and he’s currently boarding some portions of it. It looks like a part of the roof had been damaged in the fray. He goes, “Hold on,” gets up, and comes down the ladder on the side and approaches. You can see he’s sweating. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were coming. What can I "do for you?” MARISHA: Sorry for dropping in. LAURA: Do we look like ourselves yet? MATT: No, actually. This is an interesting point. TRAVIS: Damn it. SAM: Wait. None of you look the same. MATT: That’s right, no, thank you for reminding me. He comes out and he goes, “How can I help "you?” (laughter) LAURA: It’s us! MARISHA: Yeah, it’s me. I pull the hat off and pull my hair up. It’s Beauregard. We killed your snake? LAURA: (in normal voice) Pretend that I don’t talk– (in human accent) Pretend that I don’t talk like this. TRAVIS: Fuck it, I drop Disguise Self. MATT: He goes,“Ah!” TRAVIS: I’m sorry to deceive you. MATT: I’m very confused. MARISHA: Oh no. Don’t worry about it. What was your name, friend? MATT: “Rinaldo.” MARISHA: Rinaldo! That’s what it was. I knew it was an R! Okay, Rinaldo. TRAVIS: Rinaldo, this snake that was in your house is not the only strange occurrence that’s been happening. We’re trying to find out the cause of it. Have you seen anything else like this in the time that’s passed? MATT: “No, we’ve been doing repairs on the house and getting everything underway. This is the first "thing that’s come on this side. Most of them live toward the center of the lake and stay underwater. "It’s been two in the last few months that have come up. It’s a bit of a nuisance.” LAURA: Have you seen any zombies coming out of the lake? MATT: “Zombies? What are you talking about?” TRAVIS: We’re asking after a man that helped down at the docks, named Enon. Have you heard of him? MATT: “Enon?” TRAVIS: Enon. MATT: “Yeah, I worked with him a couple times. He comes through, looking for work, asking to see what’s available.” LIAM: You obviously have not heard the news from the traveling circus in town. From last night. MATT: “No. That’s the big blue tent, right?” LIAM: That’s correct. MATT: “No, what’s going on?” LAURA: (whispering) Enon turned into a zombie. SAM: What? LAURA: (louder) Enon turned into a zombie! (whispering) And was killed. SAM: What? MATT: “I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. Wow, that’s really terrible. I’m sorry.” TRAVIS: We were trying to see if he might have worked with people that might have known what he was doing that day, earlier. MATT: “I haven’t seen him at the docks in a while. Not for a week, at least.” TRAVIS and LAURA: Really? LIAM: Is there anything out of the ordinary from the past week or two that comes to mind? Anything off about the run-of-the-mill stuff? MATT: “Other than a giant fucking snake ruining my house, but not that comes to mind, no. Circus "coming into town, that’s a little weird.” TRAVIS: I see you’re skinning the beast. Can I ask why? MATT: “I’m not going to let it go to waste. That’s some good meat. Some good skin.” MARISHA: You mentioned the circus coming to town as weird. Why? MATT: “Because there’s a circus in town.” LIAM: He just means out of the ordinary, yeah? MATT: “Yeah. We don’t get many shows and traveling folk. Last time this was here, a year ago, it came "and went in a week.” SAM: You said you hadn’t seen this– hi. You said you hadn’t seen this person in a week? Was that unusual? MATT: “No. I didn’t keep up with him. He came through every now and then. I had a little cash "and needed some help hauling things around. I asked for his assistance. He was an old fella, and "it was less that he was helpful and more that we wanted to help when we could.” TRAVIS: If we went down to the docks where he worked, is there anyone that we should ask for, to speak to, who might have known him better? MATT: “Your guess is as good as mine. To be fair, although we’re a community, we’re also relatively "competitive. You understand.” TRAVIS: I do. TALIESIN: You think anyone would have wanted him marked or harmed in some way? MATT: “I don’t think so. He’s an old man. I haven’t seen or heard anyone– his disposition "seemed positive enough, if a little sad and lonely.” TRAVIS: If you think of anything, or if you hear anyone speak about him, you can find us at the Nestled Nook Inn. We’d appreciate anything, if it happens to reach your ears. MATT: “Of course. Let me finish up here with the roof and I’ll ask around, see if anything comes up.” TRAVIS: Much obliged. MARISHA: How’s your little girl doing? Sorry, I cover my beard. MATT: “It just wasn’t expected.” MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: “No, she’s doing great. She’s been a little spooked, but she slept well last night. She’s "doing fine. Thank you again for what you guys did for me.” LAURA: You’re welcome. SAM: What? For what? LAURA: We saved a little girl! SAM: Oh yes, that’s right. LAURA: If you see any zombies, please let us know. MATT: “I will. You were so kind to help me when I saw a snake, I figure if I see a zombie, you’d "also be helpful.” LAURA: We would, definitely. We already killed a zombie too! TALIESIN: This is just a snake. This is a big, weird snake I’m looking at? MATT: You can inspect it if you want. TALIESIN: No, I’ve been looking at the snake this entire time. LAURA: Oh, we have one of its fangs. I pulled it out. MATT: Make a nature check. SAM: Ooh, don’t do those much either. MARISHA: I have a fang too, right? TALIESIN: Nine. MATT: Nine? You don’t know much about snake biology. It’s hard to tell if it’s out of the ordinary. It’s just a big snake. TALIESIN: Looks like mine. LAURA: Only bigger. TALIESIN: Much bigger. TRAVIS: Shall we? LAURA: Fuck. Sure. SAM: We are the best detectives ever. LAURA: I feel like we are really doing bad at this detective thing. TRAVIS: We should probably wrap up whatever we’re doing. I imagine they’re going to come by the inn soon and try and speak with us. Not you two. SAM: We didn’t leave any sort of Ferris Bueller-y thing? TRAVIS: Nope. No stuffed beds, no recordings on the old VHS. MATT: What are you guys doing? Where are you going? SAM: Is there anywhere else that we need to inspect? The carnival or more docks stuff? LAURA: I feel like going back to the carnival is probably a bad idea. TALIESIN: I’d say the docks are his home, if we could figure out where he lived. SAM: Where he was last seen. TALIESIN: He was last seen at the circus! LAURA: Rinaldo! MATT: “Yeah?” LAURA: Do you know where Enon lives? MATT: “I can’t say I do. I’m sorry. My apologies. Wish I could be of more help.” LAURA: It’s okay. TALIESIN: You don’t happen to know what happened to his son, by any chance? MATT: “I didn’t even know he had a son.” LAURA: See? We’re better investigators than this guy. SAM: But he’s not trying to investigate! TALIESIN: I take the compliment. I’m putting it my pocket. I’m keeping it for later. MATT: He climbs back up the ladder to the roof. MARISHA: I’m starting to think that following Enon’s story isn’t necessarily going to lead us here. He seems like a random victim. LAURA: Hey, 14 year old kid! MATT: He has this puffy red ‘fro going on. He looks pale, fresh to this, scrawny. He’s stopped drawing his blade across the snake. “Yeah?” LAURA: Do you live here? MATT: “No, I live about three houses up.” LAURA: Did you go to the carnival? MATT: “Last night? Yeah, I was there.” LAURA: Okay, where were you at the carnival? MATT: “I actually snuck in under the tent after it had started.” LAURA: Right, that’s a good thing. Were you close to Enon? In the show. Were you on that side or the other side? Did you see the zombie? MATT: “I saw him a little bit. He was in the front and I had people in front of me, but I think I saw "some of it. It was pretty cool.” LAURA: It was kind of crazy, right? Have you heard any ghost stories around town lately? About scary things happening? MATT: “My grandma told me a ghost story years ago about these giant badger creatures that live on "the hills of the Ashkeeper that can stand up on their hind legs, and they come down and they eat "kids that don’t go to bed in time.” LAURA: Oh shit. Those guys are scary, I’ve heard of them. You should be really careful. Have you heard anything about zombies? MATT: “No, not since that.” LIAM: What’s up? LAURA: Caleb has seen some shit. MATT: “I have to finish the–” LAURA: Hey, listen, if you hear any other ghost stories, you come and find us, okay? MATT: “Okay.” LAURA: All right. (laughter) MARISHA: Are we just going from person to person in town telling them to come find us? SAM: We are really terrible at this! TALIESIN: Well, she’s making friends with everybody. I don’t see any of you making friends. TRAVIS: I’m a little concerned that we’ve been gone for a while. MARISHA: Yeah, maybe we should get back. TRAVIS: Maybe let these two, that aren’t under house arrest– SAM: Continue the investigation? Or go back? TRAVIS: No, continue. I mean, if you’re up for it. SAM: Yeah, yeah, We’ll be a regular– LIAM: Yeah, we’ve done nothing wrong. We’re not sweating it. I’m not sweating– LAURA: Yeah, I believe you completely. That was very believable. I’m going to give you another blessing before you leave, okay? LIAM: What are you talking about? None of us did anything. None of us! We protected the people of this town! LAURA: It’s true. LIAM: It is true. LAURA: I know. LIAM: That’s easy. Let’s go solve a mystery, Nott. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: Were you being sarcastic– oh, no you weren’t, okay. Catching up on that. MARISHA: So, kids don’t know anything about this, old people don’t know anything about this– TRAVIS: Tavern-keeper doesn’t know anything about this. TALIESIN: Only the pure of heart make their answer out of riddles. Back to the tavern. MARISHA: But pure of heart! Still going back to the guards thing! Back to the tavern, let’s go. SAM: Were we just on the docks? MATT: Yeah, you guys were at the docks. LIAM: We came up with bupkus. LAURA: We didn’t ask anybody, we went straight to the house. SAM: Okay, we’ll walk around the docks and look for– TRAVIS: We’ll see you back at the inn. SAM: All right. LAURA: Should we run back, or should we saunter back? TALIESIN: You’re going to probably, you know, poof. MARISHA: Yeah, how much time does she have? LIAM: About a minute? MATT: Yeah, it’s about to fade. LAURA: Yeah, I figured it had already happened probably midway talking to the kid. MATT: Probably. MARISHA: Maybe super stealthily back? LAURA: All right. I put my hood up. TALIESIN: I can maybe put a rope through the window. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s a good idea. LAURA: Is it a two-story? MATT: It’s a two-story. You guys are up in the second story. TALIESIN: I got rope. LAURA: Let’s do that, yeah. We’ll sneak around the back of the inn, and try to climb up the upstairs window. TRAVIS: I can keep them busy at the front door. TALIESIN: I’ll go through the front like a proper person. MATT: All right, so you guys are setting up a rope to climb up the back? You go in, on your own, up to the top, you put a rope through– MARISHA: Fjord’s distracting. LAURA: In the front. Then we’re going to try to sneak– TALIESIN: Right, and then I’m going to drop some of the rope out the back window for them. MATT: Easy enough to do, so those of you who want to wait and can take the rope up, you wait for a moment where nobody’s watching and climb your way up into the inn safely and get to your rooms. You two, what are you doing? TALIESIN: (singing) 50 feet of hemp rope, it’s a standard! LIAM: Hey kiddo, do you want a piggy-back? SAM: Sure, that sounds like a good idea. LIAM: Scramble up, let’s go talk to some people. SAM: All right, I’ll jump on Caleb’s back. MATT: All right. LIAM: I’ll wander down to where people are working. Where people are moving crates around. MARISHA: He’s on Caleb’s back! MATT: Okay, that would be probably closer to the Northward. LIAM: Okay, so that’s the plan, is to look for people moving crap around, the same way that Enon is said to have. So that’s what we’ll do. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. LIAM: All right. SAM: Shall I help, or no? MATT: If you want to. LIAM: Not that great. MATT: You aiding him would give him an advantage in the roll. LIAM: Oh! That didn’t help. 12 for me. MATT: You take a couple hours wandering through the Northward, asking questions, and most of the information you get is, they have no idea who that is, or like, “Ah, he died? It’s about time.” LIAM: And there’s no point even asking questions because we’ve asked them all for two hours, yeah? MATT: I’d say yeah, based on that roll. LIAM: Okay, well that’s a big zero. You want to go book shopping with me? SAM: Sure! LIAM: Okay. I believe that gentleman said that the Burnished Bibliots was in the Northward, correct? MATT: I believe you are correct. Yeah, it’s in the southern portion of the Northward by where it borders the Lochward. LIAM: Okay, so I’ll start asking questions to get us there. MATT: Easily enough. You eventually are led to it, and you come to a closet that’s affixed to another building. The wood used are almost driftwood and heavily weathered, and the front door is closed as you approach. It looks like a glorified storage shed that has been bolted and put up against another structure. LIAM: All right, well I will walk up to the door and knock on it. MATT: Okay. (knocks) No response. LIAM: Is there any breaks in the door or the building or cracks that Frumpkin could fit into? MATT: Visual glance, there look like there’s that space underneath the door. Probably not enough for a cat to slip through. LIAM: Are there any windows or anything or is it all a big, dirty, dingy mess? MATT: There are windows, but if you look at the back of the windows all you see is scraps of material, stacks of books, piles of boxes and crates, it’s literally blocked out with things stacked up against it from the interior. LIAM: How busy is the front of this place? MATT: Not busy at all, it’s just the two of you, right now, standing at the front door. LIAM: No one’s around us, though? MATT: It’s not on the main street, it’s a little pushed back, recessed about ten or 15 feet from the main road so there’s no one immediately around you. But there are people walking back and forth on the road behind but you’re out in the open, per se. SAM: And no one’s coming to the door? MATT: No one’s come to the door yet, no. SAM: Want me to break in? LIAM: Yes. No. [knocking] MATT: Okay. A moment passes and you hear, “Hold on!” The door opens. It was open. There’s the sound of heavy sacks go tumbling down to the interior of it and you glance around and you hear a voice go, “Can I help you?” LIAM: Hello? MATT: You look down, and there’s this crotchety-looking scrawny old gnome who’s sitting there in the doorway. He’s got this vibrant puff, like a cotton ball, of hair around his head. But it’s this perfect “U” of bald on top. No glasses, eyes are very small and beady, and he has this bulbous, round nose at the front with this little bit of a tuft of chin white hair that matches the cotton ball tuft on the sides. He’s sitting there clutching the top of the knob on the inside which is actually affixed shorter on the door and he goes, “Well come in.” LIAM: Yes please, you’re open for business I take it. MATT: “Always open, come on in.” LIAM: All right. MATT: Turns around and musters his way inside. As soon as you step in the door and look around, this place looks like an episode of Hoarders. It is just floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall, stacks of anything and everything: knick-knacks, small stuffed animals, toys, books, glasses, and goblets. It is the biggest, crammed flea-market into a small shed-like space you’ve seen. SAM: I start unscrewing my flask. (laughing) LIAM: Frumpkin climbs back up onto Nott’s shoulder and nestles in. MATT: (meowing) LIAM: I am scouting the city for books, I am starved for books. MATT: “Well we’ve got books here.” LIAM: Yes sir, I’m sorry what is your name? MATT: “Oglen. Oglen Hornsblower.” LIAM: Oglen Hornsblower. MATT: “And welcome to my collection. You want to buy something, let me know.” LIAM: Well I see you sell a great many things in here, books included. This is just things you’ve collected throughout your lifetime? MATT: “Right. Boughten, traded for, found.” LIAM: I don’t know what you just said, but I am interested in books. Particularly in the arcane realm, but any kind of book. Do you have anything that you just outright know is out of the ordinary? MATT: “I’m sure we’ve got a few. Look around! See what you find. It’s half the fun, half the "journey.” LIAM: All right, friend, let’s– It’s like Winter’s Crest morning for me and I’m scanning the shelves. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: Can you give me something to look for? To distract me and give me a mission to go on, please? LIAM: Yes. You want to find some sort of tool that helps you do what you do best. SAM: All right. LIAM: Investigation check, that is a 21. MATT: 21? SAM: I rolled a 21 investigation check. MATT: All right. SAM: I’m just looking for baubles to steal. (laughter) MATT: All right. In thumbing through, there are plenty of books that, within a first glance, “This is not of interest to me.” You have to move things out of the way and push things aside. The smell in there is dusty and moldy and you do find there is some subtle water damage and some mildew growing in one far corner and you’re like ugh, put that back. However, you rolled really high. Two things catch your eye. One, there appears to be the remnants of some sort of notebook, a sketchbook that is written in a language you do not understand– What languages do you know? LIAM: Well, off the bat, I don’t know where that is in D&D Beyond yet. But if I open up my binder I bet I have a paper version that I can verify with. I speak Sylvan, Common, and Celestial and I also can Comprehend Languages as a ritual spell but I think that takes some time. MATT: It does take ten minutes. LIAM: Ten minutes. MATT: But you glance through the book, and while you cannot read the text you do recognize that there are elements at the back of the book that have a hint of arcane nature. That’s one of two books you find with that roll. SAM: It’s like the adult section for him. MATT: I know. The second book you find is written in Zemnian, which you can read. LIAM: That’s correct. MATT: The title translates to Fiends of Folklore. LIAM: I’m so happy. You have quite a shop here. MATT: “I know I do!” LIAM: You have some real treasures. I’m particularly interested in both of these books. MATT: “Good choices, good choices.” LIAM: I don’t know though, I don’t think that– I mean I’m rather tight on coin at the moment so– MATT: “That’s too bad.” LIAM: Maybe my eyes are too big for my stomach. MATT: He’s pulling the books away from you. LIAM: How much would you part with these for? MATT: (sniffs) He holds of the Fiends of Folklore book, “Three gold pieces. This one, (sniffs)– "ten gold pieces.” LIAM: Which one is which? MATT: The Fiends of Folklore is the three, the other tome. LIAM: The arcane, weird one. MATT: You’re not quite sure what’s in it. LIAM: Okay. Would you have any interest in a magic cat? MATT: “I’m sorry?” LIAM: Frumpkin disappears from on Nott’s shoulder. Reappears next to the little man. MATT: (yelps) He like throws the books and grabs nearby this large sack and starts– angrily beating the cat. LIAM: I’ll take that as a no! TRAVIS: Childhood cat, destroyed! MATT: He does hit Frumpkin. Frumpkin takes one point of bludgeoning damage. LIAM: That might be it, I don’t really know. I didn’t think that this would happen so quickly. TRAVIS: Faced with our own mortality. LAURA: Frumpkin point two. MARISHA: Yeah, he updates overnight as long as he’s plugged in, right? LIAM: Hold on, I have to see if Frumpkin is still here. TRAVIS: Must be plugged in and connected to Wifi. MARISHA: Type in your passcode if you agree to the terms. LIAM: One hit point of damage? MATT: Yes. LIAM: He’s still here. MATT: There you go. Frumpkin immediately darts off jumps on your shoulder, turns around and (hisses). LIAM: So you don’t like cats, I understand that. MATT: “Sorry, it caught me off-guard.” LIAM: Well I was trying to sample the merchandise for you. Because if it was just a cat it was just a cat, but this one– changes to my other shoulder– he’s a magic cat. MATT: “Okay.” LIAM: You can roll him in mud, he comes back clean. He disappears, he reappears, he brings you things. MATT: “Can you make him go away?” LIAM: Gone. MATT: “Thank you. Now we can continue to talk money.” LIAM: Here’s what I propose. I do not have ten gold at the moment. But it doesn’t feel like you get a lot of thoroughfare here, so I’m going to come back to purchase this later. That’s it. That’s the end of my spiel; that’s all I’ve got. I’m interested, and thank you for giving me the time. MATT: “Of course. Sorry about your cat, friend.” LIAM: It’s okay. Nott? SAM: Have I heard all of this conversation? MATT: You’ve been hearing all of it, but you’ve also found, amongst the chaos, a brass baby bottle that’s fairly dented, but it’s very shiny and polished, you can already see on the inside. You find a new flask, actually. It’s very tarnished, but you spit and rub it a little bit. It looks to be of very fine metallic material. You’re not entirely sure, you’d have to clean it, but it looks like very nice quality material. SAM: All right. I’ll try to trade my flask with that flask. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. TRAVIS: Indiana Jones style. SAM: 22! TALIESIN: How?! SAM: Wait. More. No, that’s right. 22. MATT: Now, your flask, which still has liquor in it, is left behind for the empty flask you receive. However, without an instance of anyone even paying attention. It is yours. You can write in your inventory you are now the owner of a platinum flask. ALL: Ooh! SAM: Shit! Okay! It’s a baby bottle, or maybe a rattle? What’d you say? MATT: Baby bottle. Looks like it was used as a bottle for a very upper-class family. TALIESIN: You’re already so ahead, though! SAM: I know. But I can’t resist. I’ll try to take one more look and pocket that as well. MATT: Make another sleight of hand check, please. SAM: 20. MATT: It just vanishes into your cloak! It’s the craziest thing! It was there and it’s gone! TRAVIS: Yes! SAM: Are we going to leave now? Should we leave? I think we should leave. Maybe we should go. Do you need some money? I could lend you some money, if you want. LIAM: Maybe we’ll come back tomorrow. SAM: All right. Lovely place you got here! LIAM: Piggyback? SAM: Yes, please! MATT: “I’ll hold these books for you! Come back when you can!” LIAM: Within the week, I promise. MATT: “All right. Have a good day, little girl!” SAM: I will! MATT: You guys exit the building. SAM: I’m sorry! I did it again, I couldn’t help it. I took some things. Do you think he noticed? Do you think we’re in trouble? Maybe we should hurry back. LIAM: I don’t think he saw. SAM: All right. Are you cross with me? LIAM: No. Just wait one moment, okay? Wait for me here? SAM: Okay. I heard you talking about money, by the way, I could lend you some, if you’d like. LIAM: Wait right here. I cast Detect Magic just before I walk back into the store. I look all around. What are your hours, here? As I look to see if there is anything besides that book, anything. MATT: You glance throughout the interior, and you don’t sense anything magical, unfortunately, within the piles of rubble. LIAM: Besides the book he put down? MATT: The book’s not radiating any magical aura. But he answers. “Oh! All hours! I don’t really "close. I don’t really sleep.” LIAM: Middle of the night, even? MATT: “Sure!” LIAM: All right. Business is business. Thank you! MATT: “No worries. See you then!” LIAM: Bis später. MATT: “Pee shmiter!” LIAM: That guy does not speak Zemnian! MATT: No, he does not. LIAM: Let’s go back to the hotel, shall we? SAM: Let’s do it. MATT: While they’re away, you guys wait there for a bit, getting stir crazy in the process of waiting in your room. Jester and Beauregard, there’s a knock at your door. LAURA: Hello? MATT: “Please open, it’s Crownsguard.” LAURA: Hold on, I’m naked! (whispering) Yeah, I don’t know. Do you want to put clothes on? Should we take our clothes off? MARISHA: Did you say that because you wanted to tell me something? LAURA: No, I just wanted to make them wait. Okay, I’m dressed now! MARISHA: I like that. We’re giving them– authority. Got the upper hand. Okay. LAURA: It’s a power play. MARISHA: Do we invite them in or are we going to–? You open the door. I’m going to sit, unassuming, on the bed. LAURA: Sit! Come in, please. MARISHA: Oh! MATT: The door opens, and there are two crownsguards there, standing, shields to the side. LAURA: Oh hello, I wasn’t expecting you. MARISHA: Oh, yeah, hi. MATT: “We’re here to notify you that the investigation is ongoing. You will not be needed "today. Please remain in your premises. Be back tomorrow.” TRAVIS: Jury summon. MARISHA: Bullshit! Jury duty shit! Goddamn it! TALIESIN: We are at D&D Jury Duty. MATT: Yes you are. MARISHA: Seven dollars a day? What is this shit? LAURA: Can I ask you a question before you leave? MATT: “Yes, what is your question?” LAURA: Are you guys going to be the same people coming back tomorrow? MATT: “Possibly.” LAURA: What is your names? MATT: They look at each other, look back at you. “I am Jonas.” The other guy pipes up, he’s a little younger, he goes, “I am Lucas.” LAURA: Jonas and Lucas, very good names. MARISHA: You guys should start a band. Like a boy band or something. LAURA: Yeah, that’d be good. Girls would go crazy. If you guys want to play some games tomorrow, we’ll just be here! MATT: “Very well! Have a good day.” They look at each other like, “What?” and close the door. LAURA: I shouldn’t have offered the game. What if we want to leave and then they want to take us up on the game thing? MARISHA: I thought you enjoyed games. LAURA: No, I love games! MARISHA: Sure. LAURA: But what if we leave and then they want to play games? MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Onto Fjord’s door. TALIESIN: I’m sitting playing with the cards. TRAVIS: I open it. MATT: Same two guards there. Lucas and Jonas. Jonas and Lucas. “Hello. The investigation is "ongoing. You’ll not be needed for today. We will return tomorrow.” TRAVIS: I shut the door. TALIESIN: Any progress? MATT: There’s a pause and then you here the subtle shifting of greaves against the wooden floor as they slowly walk away. TRAVIS: Go take that game in the other room, why don’t you? TALIESIN: That was a power move right there. TRAVIS: Thank you. MATT: You guys return to the inn. SAM: I guess we do. MATT: Yes you do. SAM: Well. That was terrible. No one found out anything. It was a waste of a day. We’re all terrible at this. Goodnight? LAURA: What time is it? MARISHA: That’s not true! I still say that some of the best information that you can get can be in the information that you don’t find. SAM: That is nonsense. MARISHA: I’m just saying! Sometimes the lack of information can be a process of elimination. TRAVIS: Sure. MARISHA: It’s super broad! TALIESIN: No, you know what? I’m going to take it. MARISHA: I’m trying to be fucking silver lining, so I don’t feel like a piece of shit for waste a day, and you guys are shitting on that, but it’s fine. TRAVIS: You found nothing at the docks, zip, zero? LIAM: We spent hours there, no one knew anything about the old man. MARISHA: See? No one knew anything about him. That means, prime candidate, someone’s little experiment. Little Frankenstein. I’m telling you. LIAM: I don’t really understand what she’s saying. LAURA: I don’t either. I’m going to run up and down the stairs for a while. MATT: (quick footsteps) TALIESIN: How long have you known this one? MARISHA: Who are you talking to? TALIESIN: Anybody who’s watching this happen. MARISHA: About 24 hours longer than you have. TALIESIN: That explains a lot. MATT: At one point, Adelaine the barmaid comes up. “I’m sorry, can you please stop?” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Thank you!” SAM: Hey, Dungeon Master? MATT: Yes? SAM: The other night, when Nott was out carousing a bit while Caleb was asleep. He saw some figures in cloaks dash by. Was there any distinctive anything about these three figures that dashed by? MATT: Not that you noticed, unfortunately. SAM: Damn it. Okay, I will share that information with the group. I saw some weirdos running around. LAURA: When? SAM: The other night, when he was asleep. TRAVIS: How late? SAM: Two in the morning? LIAM: You were out that late? SAM: Sorry. LAURA: Maybe we should go out at two o'clock in the morning and see if we can find them. MARISHA: Ooh, that’s a good idea. LAURA: Follow them. MARISHA: You guys notice that it’s weird that no one’s actually really talking about this? This is a small town. I come from a small town. Small town people gossip. TALIESIN: I feel like there should be some more gossip then there is, that’s very true. MARISHA: Someone is talking about this, we just haven’t found them yet. 2:00AM field trip! LAURA: We can always leave through the window this time. MARISHA: Mm-hmm, I like that. TRAVIS: I can be down for that. TALIESIN: I leave the rope tied in here. Can we use your cat? Reel it back up in so that there’s no trace of us until we need to get back there. LIAM: Are you asking for my cat to haul up our rope? TALIESIN: No, I’m telling you that your cat is going to haul up a rope. LAURA: How is a cat going to lift up a rope? TALIESIN: It’s not that heavy of a rope, it’s just hemp. MATT: Hemp rope can be pretty heavy. TALIESIN: Well, if I throw it back up there then I imagine you cat can knock it back down at the very least. LAURA: There, that would work, maybe. MARISHA: Oh, is he like an asshole cat? TALIESIN: I assume he’s an asshole cat. Aren’t all cats asshole cats? MATT: This is true. LAURA: It might be down before we come back, is the thing. TALIESIN: I assume he’s going to– that’s fair. TRAVIS: Where were you when you saw these cloaked figures? SAM: I had gone out to do some window shopping. TRAVIS: At 2:00AM? SAM: Yes, I wasn’t very successful. I had walked by the general store– LAURA: Oh, we went there. MARISHA: Yeah, we did. SAM: I passed by a place called Natural Remedies, herbs and medicinal things. I went by a spot named Jackalwere, it’s a smithy. LAURA: Okay, but where did you see the cloaked guys? SAM: It was between– I don’t remember. MATT: It was one block north of the Natural Remedies. MARISHA: Natural Remedies. What was the other one? Jackalwere? SAM: I think that was what it was called. MATT: Yeah, Jackalwere Smiths. SAM: We could do a little stakeout! TRAVIS: We could. MARISHA: That’s true. How do people send messages in this town? Have we figured that out? SAM: Probably by foot or by horse, right? TALIESIN: Not that big of a town. TRAVIS: Should someone stay up? Well, I was thinking someone should keep a lookout on the roof of the inn in case someone comes for us while everyone else is out. LAURA: How would we let anybody know? TRAVIS: I don’t know. Can you conjure those golden orbs up into the air as like a signal? LIAM: It’s pretty limited. They don’t go that far. TRAVIS: Maybe we just risk it. SAM: Yeah! LAURA: Let’s risk it. TRAVIS: It’s 2:00AM, I’m sure everybody will be asleep. Let’s risk it. MARISHA: Before we leave– is there a window in the hall? Or are there only windows in our bedrooms? MATT: There is no window in the hall, only in the rooms. MARISHA: Okay, that’s fine. On our side of the room– MATT: You have three rooms between you. TALIESIN: There’s three rooms and they all have windows. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: On our side of the door, I’m going to take out my healer’s kit. Do I have any bandages or medical tape or anything like that? MATT: Not medical tape, but there are clean strips of cloth and some adhesive bandages, basic general– LAURA: No tape?! MARISHA: I’m going to tie a bandage ever so lightly around one side of the handle onto something on to the other side of the door. If there’s something like a lamp or some kind of pipe or something I can tie it to. LAURA: So that we’ll know if someone tried to come in the room? MARISHA: Correct. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You can pull one bandage out and affix to one of the chair legs nearby. You could do that. TALIESIN: Oh for god’s sake. I pull out a big thing of string. MARISHA: Okay, yeah. I’ll take some string and just some twine and– LAURA: What are we going to do? Leave through our window? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: To their window? MARISHA: Well, I figured we’re all in the same room at this point. LIAM: What are you trying to do? MARISHA: I’m trying to make sure that if someone tries to come in our room we’ll know if they come in. LIAM: I can take care of that. TALIESIN: Oh, well then, I’m taking my string back. MARISHA: What can you do? LIAM: I have some magic for that. SAM: Yeah, he has a magical spell that alerts you when someone tries to break in your room. LIAM: That is correct. Yeah. I will take a moment to do that and it will let me know. SAM: Best part is, it doesn’t alert him when I sneak in or out. LIAM: That you know of. SAM: Wait. What? LIAM: One mile of the warded area. SAM: Ooh! MARISHA: That’s better! Let’s do that. LIAM: I just need ten minutes. And I pull out a little spool of silvered thread and stretch it out. Where did you want this? Over the window? MARISHA: Well, I was going to say in the door, but if there’s maybe a place in the hall. LIAM: Well, I can do the entire room really, I can go doorknob to– The funny thing about this thread, there’s no end to it. So I start looping it all the way around the room and tie it off, and take out one of my books from the holster, the one on the left side, and I open it up. You guys watch as I spend ten minutes referring to the book and tracing symbols on the floor. Along, underneath the thread, and about ten minutes of time, nothing happens, but that’s taken care of. LAURA: Nice. SAM: See, he’s really good. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Didn’t really look like much. LIAM: Yeah, either that or I’m really bullshitting you and nothing happened. LAURA: Either way, I liked it. Let’s sneak out. TALIESIN: I’m going to do one last thing before we leave, which is just tussle the room a bit so it looks like it’s been robbed. Just in case they do come in. MATT: Okay, so you toss the room a bit, muddle up the space, and you guys, one by one, climb out the back of the window, down the rope, and into the alley behind the inn. Looking about, you’re waiting until about post-midnight, you said? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay, so it’s dark. The various lanterns that dangle on the hook poles at different intersections of the street are lit. Other than that, you have a faint bit of moonlight that’s coming through the sky. There are some clouds, but they’re a bit broken up, so every now and then the moon cover can vanish and then return, but for now you have moonlight in the city. Where are you guys going? LAURA: Towards the north end. TRAVIS: I ought to be leading the way, I reckon. SAM: Yeah, I’ll go to where I saw the three cloaked figures. MATT: A little ways north of Natural Remedies? Okay. I would like everybody to make a stealth check, please. SAM: Stealth check. Do I still have the blessing? No, I don’t. LAURA: No, you don’t. But I can do it to everybody, one by one, if we get to an open area. SAM: 21. TRAVIS: 15. MARISHA: 19. TALIESIN: 17. LAURA: 21. LIAM: Forty– 12. SAM: 42. MATT: You guys, following Nott, dodge between alleys, there are a few patrols of the crownsguard that you see passing by, and you wait for them to just cross paths, and then move on. Eventually finding your way to Natural Remedies, seemingly unseen. It’s quiet, you can hear the sound of crickets in the distance. The cold night air is causing your breath to show every time you exhale, you all bundle your cloaks as you move on. The moonlight fades a bit, things get darker, but you follow Nott’s lead, travel from place to place. You finally get to the outskirts of Natural Remedies, and to the northern alleyway where you’d originally seen those figures pass. You’re there. SAM: Should we fan out a bit? Cover a couple corners, so we can still see each other? TRAVIS: Good idea. LAURA: Yeah. I’m going to go with Fjord. MARISHA: Let’s not spread out too far, though. SAM: Are you two like an item? LAURA: What? SAM: You and Fjord, are you like a thing? LAURA: Why, are you interested in him? SAM: No, ugh, no! LAURA: No? SAM: You travel together. LAURA: Well yeah, he’s a good friend. He watches out for me, I watch out for him, you know. We’re a good team. Like you and Caleb. SAM: Not at all like that, but yes, all right. MATT: As you guys fan out a little bit, everyone make a perception check. LAURA: Natural one. SAM: 19. LAURA: I don’t see shit. MARISHA: Perception? TALIESIN: 12. TRAVIS: Nine. MARISHA: 18. LIAM: Ten. MATT: Okay, so all of you, except for Jester, manage to get a clear view of your vicinity. Jester, you somehow get an eyelash caught in your eye and spend the next hour trying to get it out, but it’s in the eyelid. LAURA: Fjord, can you see it? TRAVIS: Look up. Yeah. MARISHA: To the left. TRAVIS: Let me get it– LAURA: No, no, no. Okay, okay, okay. MATT: Occasionally, you can hear the crownsguard approaching, and they carry their torches with them. You can see the light crawling forward, so you all duck out of the way and let them pass. About an hour passes. Two hours pass. Around the third hour, you get the sensation that whatever you saw the other night is not arriving on a clockwork time or not arriving at all. It’s about three in the morning, in the center of the city by yourself. What do you wish to do? MARISHA: Three in the morning? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: I turn to Caleb. Any tingling from your alarm system? LIAM: No, I wouldn’t have brought it up if something had happened. MARISHA: That’s a good point. TALIESIN: I’m just going to try to meditate on the strange death and see if I can feel anything. MATT: Okay. Make an intelligence check. TALIESIN: All right. Just see how this goes. SAM: Mediation check. TALIESIN: 17. MATT: Pouring over the details of what has transpired and what you guys have done so far to find information, there are still things to inquire about. There are still things to wonder and discover and there are a few places you haven’t been to. A few places you haven’t returned to. A few people you haven’t even inquired about closer to the investigation. LAURA: Oh, we should talk to the girl. SAM: Toya? LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Let’s go wake her ass up. MARISHA: Is she under arrest? We don’t know. TALIESIN: Maybe we have to go back to the circus. LAURA: Maybe it was Yasha. TALIESIN: It’s early enough maybe we should just– TRAVIS: We have a few more hours and the cover of darkness. SAM: Yeah, let’s go wake her ass up. MARISHA: Maybe we should go back to the circus. Scene of the crime? That whole thing? TALIESIN: I hate to admit it, but maybe– it’s not us. TRAVIS: Who’s real stealthy? MARISHA: I’m all right. TRAVIS: Maybe we don’t all need to go. Maybe just a few, and the others will hang back. SAM: Hang back close by though, right? If something goes bad– MARISHA: Or if you see something. How far are we from the inn? MATT: From the inn? About a 15 minute jog. SAM: So we can go to the circus? TRAVIS: An hour and a half. LAURA: While we’re still trying to figure this out, I’m going to take out my painter’s kit and draw like a little piece of poop on the side of the building that we’re next to. SAM: Tagging? That’s good. MARISHA: A little tagger. TRAVIS: Is it like a mound of poop or like a single–? LAURA: No it’s like a mound of poop. TALIESIN: It’s like an emoji. MATT: Make a performance check. LAURA: Oh I rolled really low on this one. Four! MATT: It takes a little convincing to have them see the poop in the drawing. You can see it, but you’ve seen better. TRAVIS: Is it a worm? It’s a snake. LAURA: It’s poop, I should’ve– LIAM: That’s an oval. LAURA: I should have drawn a pile of poop. I draw a pile of poop next to it. MATT: It helps, but– LIAM: That’s a triangle. TRAVIS: Yeah, I thought it was like chocolate frozen yogurt. TALIESIN: Is math or something? LAURA: It’s dark okay?! I can usually paint much better than this. It’s really dark and my hands feel a little numb. SAM: Let’s move then. MATT: Who’s going where? What are you guys doing? ALL: We’re all going to the circus. TRAVIS: Stealthily to the circus. MATT: All right, I would like for all of you to roll a stealth check. MARISHA: Is no one staying behind or–? LAURA: Fuck it! SAM: Some are staying away from the tent. TRAVIS: Yeah, going in danger close. SAM: 13. TRAVIS: Nine. MARISHA: Oh not great. Nine! TALIESIN: Seven. LAURA: 19. LIAM: 15. SAM: 13. MATT: Okay, you guys make your way through most of the Docksward on your way to the large blue tent that still stands ominously in the distance. Thankfully, the moon has come out and cast this rimlight against the structure, so it’s easy to see. As you guys are making your way outside of the Lochward, you immediately see the approaching torchlight of crownsguard. One of them you just faintly hear 40 or 50 feet ahead of you, “Who goes there?” LAURA: Oh shit. SAM: Is there only one guard? MATT: It’s two guards, side by side. These watches, they patrol in pairs. MARISHA: Are we in like an alleyway, or in the street? MATT: You guys are keeping off to the side. You’re all on the outskirts of the lake and almost made your way out of the city towards where the– LAURA: Go in the lake. Quick, go into the lake! TRAVIS: I cast Disguise Self, and I turn myself into a crownsguard. LIAM: Disguise Self and follow suit. MATT: You do as well? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: All right. So you both become crownsguard. You’ve all of a sudden are adorned in the goldish brass and red armor. TALIESIN: I’m in my black hood. I’ve got my hood up now. SAM: Anywhere to hide? MATT: There are some small alcoves, but you guys are out in the open, now. They’ve seen you. MARISHA: All of us? MATT: You don’t know. They’ve seen you. They’ve called to you, and then both of you guys disguised yourselves. What are you doing? LAURA: I walk into the lake and crouch down? MATT: Jester walks up and wades in about six inches of water and just– gives her best duck impression. SAM: I will take off my mask and start attacking Caleb in a convincing fashion. Not to draw blood but– yeah. MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: Deception check? MATT: Yes. SAM: Oh. LIAM: Can I start going (groans) Oh get off, you little beast! To help with the illusion? SAM: (snarling noises) MATT: Sure, make a deception check. SAM: Oh, my deception check was a three minus three. LIAM: But roll with advantage. SAM: At advantage? LIAM: I’m helping you, you little– SAM: Seven minus three! LIAM: Oh no! MATT: Okay so as soon as these two crownsguard see this, they go “Shit!” They pull their blades and they start charging you, Nott, to try and protect their other crownsguard– LIAM: I take Nott and slam her into a wall as hard as I can and say: Down you beast! MATT: All right, as you rush up in a jog, blades drawn, one of them is going to go ahead and attempt to strike. SAM: Oh god! Sure. MATT: That is going to be a 14 to hit. SAM: Miss! MATT: So you manage to (squeaks) and narrowly dodge the blade as it strikes through the back of your cloak and pins it to the side of a wooden pole that is on the outside of an overhang where some of the fish are being left out to dry and turn into fish jerky. It holds you in place as you’re snarling and looking scared. The other one pulls out his blade and says “Where did this thing "come from!?” LIAM: I have it! And I punch Nott right in the face. SAM: Oh! MATT: All right, you take one point of bludgeoning damage, Nott, and blood just (flowing noise) from the nose. LIAM: I have this. We’re taking these people across to jail. TRAVIS: (Regal voice) Indeed, stay our blade, please, obviously he can handle this. LIAM: Don’t you fucking move you little green piece of filth. SAM: (spits) TRAVIS: Right in your face! Haha, incredible. LIAM: This one is mine, thank you. Beat her within an inch of her life. MATT: I need you to make a deception check on that one. TALIESIN: We are just the worst. This is just terrible. MARISHA: Oh man. LIAM: Natural 20. (cheering) SAM: We’ve practiced this before. We got this routine down. MATT: You see a look of disappointment come across the two crownsguards’ faces in their inability to help you skewer this small, feral creature. They both put their blades away. “All right if you see "anything else, give a shout. (spits)” SAM: Ugh. MATT: They both continue their walk past the rest of you. LIAM: The rest of you lot fall in line. I drag the little one off. SAM: (snivels) MATT: They look over at the tiefling– partially crouched in the water. SAM: She’s taking a shit. LAURA: I really had to pee! MATT: “Hey! Not in the Ustaloch!” (laughter) LAURA: Okay. Oh okay. I get out. I stand up and slowly dredge out of the water. MATT: Your legs are soaked from thigh to foot, and they both eye you warily and slowly walk past. LAURA: (sigh of relief) MARISHA: It’s real cold out. LIAM: Have they cleared the way? MATT: Eventually, they pass beyond a point where you feel absolute dread of their presence. TRAVIS: Is that a natural thing for you guys to just attack each other in moments of stress? LIAM: Are you all right? I am so very sorry, I’m so sorry– SAM: No, I’m fine that was good acting. You were perfect. I panicked, I didn’t know what to do. I was trying to create some sort of distraction. LIAM: Let me see your teeth. Okay. You look all right. SAM: They’re all over the place. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh, I can’t tell if that got worse or better. MARISHA: You fixed them a bit! LIAM: Okay. Who wants to go to the circus? MARISHA: Yay. MATT: All right, you guys are make the rest of the path to the outskirts of the circus. You see at the very front flap of it you see a crownsguard who’s like (yawn) sitting there, his arms crossed to the front keeping an eye out, he is doing late-shift. You do see the faint distant flickering glow of firelight from the back side of the circus. MARISHA: What is that? Do you guys have like a nightlight? TALIESIN: It’s where we camp. MATT: Yeah, you saw it earlier, you saw the campfire. MARISHA: Oh sure. TRAVIS: If you want to make your ways around, I could distract them for a moment, have a conversation with them. MARISHA: Do they still look like crownsguard? MATT: Yes. TRAVIS: For an hour. MARISHA: Okay, yeah. LIAM: You you want to go with them? I’ll go with him. SAM: Sure, but will you be watching me or no? You don’t have to. LIAM: Frumpkin will go with you. SAM: All right. I’ll go with you and– who else is going? Are you stealthy? LAURA: We’ll take care of you. Don’t worry! TALIESIN: They’re not going to talk to you without me, so I’m coming, too. LIAM: I’m a little jittery, do you want to be a front man for a little while? TRAVIS: Sure I got it, yeah. LIAM: Okay. MATT: All right, so what are the groups here? SAM: The girls and the boys. TRAVIS: Caleb and me– LAURA: And Molly. SAM: And whatever Molly is. (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m fabulous. MATT: Molly, who are you going with? TALIESIN: I’m going with the girls, because the circus kids won’t talk to them without me. MATT: All right, so the three of you are going forward. What are you doing? I guess I should ask. TRAVIS: I walk up to the guard. (regal voice) It’s a late night, not much action this evening. See anything unusual? MATT: “Eh, nothing yet. Mostly I hate this. Ugh, I just wish this whole fucking circus would just go. "I need to sleep. Regular hours.” TRAVIS: Yeah, have you heard heard? How long are they supposed to be here? MATT: “Until they finish this fucking investigation. They keep bugging people for "information, but they’re all just clammed up and not saying shit.” TRAVIS: At least you’re by the tent, they’ve had us walking the perimeter of the lake the entire time. MATT: “It’s bullshit. I wish they would just go ahead and execute them. That carnival master or whatever and get it over with.” TRAVIS: Did they find anything inside, today? Tell me, something interesting, please. MATT: “They investigated the corpses and found nothing yet. Still in there if you want to take a look at it.” TRAVIS: Would you mind if we popped in? MATT: “I mean I suppose so.” Make a deception check. MARISHA: Something good, something good? TALIESIN: No. TRAVIS: Where is it? Jesus. Oh! 13. MATT: Okay. He thinks a second on it. “Oh I suppose so. Go on in.” TRAVIS: We’ll be quick, super fast. MATT: “Please, get it over with.” He stops you. “If there’s any way to expedite this, if you can "pin it on any of them, we can just kill them and take care of it. Let me know.” TRAVIS: Let’s go. (as Grog) That worked way better than I thought. Like we should– I mean– (as Fjord) should we look around for stuff or what? (laughter) SAM: Yes. Yes. LIAM: You are very good with voices. TRAVIS: Well you know, I do a little mimicry here and there. We should look, come on. Check the grounds. Maybe we can find where the bodies are laying. LIAM: Yeah, let’s have a look around. MATT: You guys look inside, the tent is dark. There’s no light inside. LIAM: I take a rag out of my side satchel and I cast– what the hell is it called because I’ve only been a wizard for a short time– one Dancing Light underneath the rags so it’s only dim. MATT: All right, so you have this self-made hooded lantern with the hood you have over it. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: That’s dope. LIAM: What the fuck are we looking for in here? MATT: And Nott, you’re going with them? SAM: I’m with the girls. TRAVS: Where did the bodies fall? Over there, didn’t they? LIAM: That’s right, yeah. TRAVIS: Well let’s search the grounds. MATT: You make your way inside, the smell is pretty bad. You can smell the flesh beginning to decay. TRAVIS: Have they moved the bodies or are the bodies still there? MATT: With a bit of looking, the bodies are still there where they left them. They have not moved, you can see a couple of remnants of notes and sheets that have been crumpled, but the bodies have been left where they are. TRAVIS: Can we check the bodies for anything? LIAM: Is there anything arcane? From all my studies, does anything here ring any bell? I have a photographic memory. MATT: Go and make a religion check. LIAM: All right. That is a ten. MATT: Unfortunately, you don’t have a lot of research on the undead, or whatever might be the essence of this creature’s creation, and the more you look at it, you’re like, “This is not my specialty.” LIAM: Okay. What about the perimeters of here, where all the people were? There was a swarm of people. I spend five minutes seeing anything was dropped of interest. MATT: Make an investigation check, both of you. TRAVIS: That’s better. LIAM: I miss the twins. TRAVIS: 16. LIAM: Big ten. MATT: Glancing about, you can see the track marks of everyone fleeing. You can see the spatters of blood. You can see the place where the transformation occurred. There is a horrible shedding of certain layers of flesh. You can see previously existing layers of flesh and muscle that were shed as whatever this undead thing was fell to the ground. Once again, you make a religion check as well. TRAVIS: Okay. Roll high. I did not. Ten. MATT: Yeah. This is not your specialty. You have little experience with the undead and this type of magic. TRAVIS: We can’t spend that long in here. Maybe we just take a bit of it with us. Do you have a pocket? LIAM: I have many pockets, of course I have pockets. TRAVIS: Like a jar? I-I got no pockets! SAM: You designed a character with no pockets?! Why would you do that? TRAVIS: There’s no pockets! All right, but I’ll check. LIAM: He’s just in the Blue Man Group unitard and that’s it. MARISHA: I’m sure Rob Liefeld just got a nosebleed and he doesn’t know why. LIAM: So this dead thing is here in front of me? MATT: Two of them. There’s the main one, the ground zero one, which is where you were putting all your attention, and then there’s the woman, who was transformed as part of the first. LIAM: I will take my dagger, and I will slice a little bit off of the woman, and it’s going to get dark in here and I will snuff out the light and use the rag to roll it up and I’ll put the little piece in my pack. MATT: With a squishy sound you place it within your pack. LIAM: Let’s get out of here, I’m going to be sick. TRAVIS: Agreed. MATT: All right. The four of you, I need you to roll stealth checks, please. MARISHA: Not that one. I don’t feel good about it. Oh not bad! 21. TALIESIN: 17. LAURA: 18. SAM: 25. MATT: Without issue, you guys quickly dart around the side of the tent and make your way right towards the central area where the multitude of tents to this back encampment is placed. There is a single campfire. The embers are burning out. It has not been kept up. You do see two crownsguard who are currently keeping watch. One of them is slumped in a chair across from the fire and is nodding off. The other is doing a basic patrol and looking around. Other than that, you don’t hear any sounds, you don’t see anybody else. Just the two crownsguard. TALIESIN: Which of the tents is currently occupied? MATT: There are four main tents. There are two very large ones, one of which generally contains Toya and Kylre, the devil toad. That’s on the south side. There’s the north largest tent, this one contains the Knot sisters and Ornna. Then there’s a very small tent to the south side that would be Bo the Breaker’s tent, but he’s not here. Then there’s a medium sized tent on the north side. Who would be in that one? TALIESIN: Toya and Kylre share a tent, that’s right. It would be Desmond. MATT: Desmond would be the other one. It would be Gustav staying there as well, but Gustav changes between the tent and the cart. MARISHA: The cart? TALIESIN: We have a wagon. LAURA: Molly, I have a question. What made you guys set up your tent here? TALIESIN: We were told to set it up here, if I recall. LAURA: In this specific area? TALIESIN: That sounds right. If I recall, we were specifically told to set up tent right here. MARISHA: And it’s by the lake, right? MATT: Maybe 150-200 feet away from it. MARISHA: That’s pretty close to a lake. LAURA: What if they set up their tent on a cursed land or something? MARISHA: It’s the lake, it’s common? TALIESIN: What’s the easiest tent to get to without– MATT: Do you want to go to the north side or the south side of the main tent? TALIESIN: I want to go with whatever’s furthest away from the guards. SAM: Shouldn’t we just go to the Toya tent? MATT: The Toya tent’s on the south side, that’s the opposite side, you guys would have probably come in from the north end. TALIESIN: What’s the easiest to get to without– MATT: That would be the one that contains Ornna and the Knot sisters. TALIESIN: I’m going to go back there and do our traditional (bird call) MATT: Okay. There’s actually no response. LAURA: (bird call) MARISHA: I had Mona and Lena, but maybe it’s Lolie. TALIESIN: Yuli. It’s Mona and Yuli. I’m going to try one of the other tents. Am I getting the sense that any of them are in? SAM: Look over here! TALIESIN: Over here! MATT: The other tent you get to and you make the same sound? This would be the one that Desmond usually is in, too. There’s a pause, and then you hear a very faint (bird call). TALIESIN: I’m going to very gently lift the back of the tent up and not go in through the front. And just– MATT: Okay. You glance inside and you can see, leaning up from a bedroll, Desmond who is half-awake, and glances over and sees you. He’s out of outfit, out of makeup, and he gives a nod. TALIESIN: (whispering) Do you know what’s going on? (switches to normal volume) Assume we’re whispering, because this is bullshit. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: How is it? What’s happened? MATT: “They’ve come around asking a few questions, we’re trying to figure it out ourselves. Are you "okay?” TALIESIN: I could be worse. MATT: “How’s Gustav? And Bosun?” TALIESIN: They couldn’t be worse. And then Yasha Yasha’d. I don’t know. Did Toya see anything? Did she say anything? MATT: “We’re still trying to figure this out ourselves. Are you alone?” TALIESIN: No, I’ve picked up a few scragglers. They’re idiots, but they’re helping. MATT: “Well bring them in.” SAM: We come in. MATT: You guys all enter the tent and you see Desmond. Previously you saw him in this very colorful outfit with the frilled neck piece and the full facial makeup. Now you see a man in his late 30s with a very scarred left side of his face. It looks like it was shredded at one point in his youth, that the makeup hid during the performance. As soon as you enter, even upon greeting him, he has a very sad presence to him. Even though you’re all under the cover of night and having this conspiratorial conversation, he has this melancholy about him that permeates the space inside the tent. He says, “So you’re all the ones that helped earlier. Thank you. It would have "been far worse if you hadn’t.” LAURA: No problem. TALIESIN: What do they think happened? What are they asking? MATT: “They’re thinking something about the show. They’re thinking Gustav made this happen. I don’t think it’s Gustav, he’s a good man. He makes poor choices and it’s plagued him his whole life, you can see it in his brow. But good intentions have grave consequences. No one that good comes out of Shady Creek Run without some mistakes behind them, but I don’t see him doing this.” TALIESIN: What would be the point? LAURA: Has it ever happened like this before? MATT: “No.” LAURA: Anything weird ever happened before? MATT: “Weird things? All the time. We’re a bunch of weird folk, work with a lot of weird people. Bunch of strange freaks gathered to this show.” MARISHA: Was there anyone new here recently that you haven’t worked with a lot? MATT: “Yeah, she apparently ran off.” TALIESIN: Yasha’s the newest, but she can be flighty. MARISHA: What about Mona and Yuli? MATT: “The sisters are bitter, but it’s no fault of theirs.” MARISHA: Why are they bitter? MATT: “Because the world is cruel.” TALIESIN: You’ve never met it– Well, nevermind. MATT: “I wish I could help them, but it–” MARISHA: (stutters) What happened to them? LAURA: Are you drunk? What’s going on? MARISHA: No, I’m trying to hear and whisper at the same time. LAURA: You can talk at a normal volume. MATT: Magical whisper. Cone of Whisper. MARISHA: Matt Cone of Whisper! TALIESIN: Oh God, that’s a new thing now. MARISHA: What did they say? Why do they think that? Why is the world shitty? MATT: “Have you been around? Have you travelled to see anything?” MARISHA: Yeah. Listen. The world has its own brand of shitty depending on whose eyes are looking at it, right? So what is their brand of shitty? TALIESIN: Circus shitty. MATT: “I don’t know. Ask them.” MARISHA: Where are they? TALIESIN: In a tent over there. MATT: “They don’t seem to take much of a liking to me anyway, so I can’t really tell you myself. I’m "sorry.” SAM: They don’t like you? Why? MATT: “There’s a lot of people that don’t like me.” LAURA: I like you, Desmond. I think you’re great. SAM: Why? What did you do? MATT: He looks at you and goes, “Same reason folks probably don’t like you; you’re different.” SAM: Hmm. TALIESIN: Is everybody still here? They’ve not taken anyone away other than– MATT: “Other than those two, everyone else is here. We’re just keeping under watch until their "investigation is complete.” MARISHA: Molly, why did you laugh when I asked about the sisters? TALIESIN: We’re carnival people, we’ve all got our issues. You don’t end up here if you’re not a little weird. LAURA: Can I try something? I want to try to cast Detect Good and Evil. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Cleric shit! LAURA: Right? SAM: On? LAURA: On the area. It lasts up to ten minutes, so it’s within 30 feet of me. TRAVIS: You ever cast this before? LAURA: No. TRAVIS, TALIESIN, and MARISHA: First cast! TRAVIS and TALIESIN: First blood! MATT: So you cast it. You concentrate. You reach down and grasp the bottom of your symbol that hangs around your belt, and there’s a faint rush of divine force given to your consciousness. You don’t sense within 30 feet of you any fiendish, or celestial, or fey, or undead, or aberration. LAURA: Nothing that’s been desecrated? MATT: Nothing from this tent or within 30 feet. SAM: Does it follow her? LAURA: Yeah, it follows me. MATT: It’s like a radial thing. SAM: That’s pretty cool, let’s keep going then. Maybe we’ll see something? LAURA: Yeah. Am I close to the edge of the main tent? MATT: There are two tents to the north. There’s a bigger one, and a medium one. The one that you’re in right now is the larger one to the north, and as such contains– Actually no. The one that you guys are in right now is the medium one. The one that contains Desmond. The larger one contains both of the sisters and Ornna. LAURA: Okay. And they’re closer to the big tent? Where is the big tent? MATT: Correct. The big tent is about ten to 15 feet from the one you’re in right now. LAURA: Okay, cool. Yeah, let’s leave. I’ll get up to the edge of the big tent, and I want to see if I can feel anything weird in that area. MATT: Okay. Is everyone else staying inside or are you going with her? SAM: We’re going with, but before we leave I’ll ask Desmond: From one outcast to another, are there any questions that are bugging you about all this? MATT: He thinks for a second. “I don’t want this all to fall on Gustav. He’s done a lot of good for” “all of us, and the way they’re talking about the investigation, they’re looking to make a scapegoat” “of this.” SAM: Well, thank you. MATT: “Thank you.” SAM: (mimics bird call poorly) That’s how they talk to each other. That’s how carnival folk talk to each other. TALIESIN: Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’m going to do my best. MATT: “Thank you.” TALIESIN: I’m going to quietly sneak out the back of the tent again and sneak into the– MATT: Another stealth check, my friends. TALIESIN: Oh god, I hate all of this. LAURA: I’m going to give Molly Blessing, so you get advantage. SAM: 21. MARISHA: 13. Not great. TALIESIN: 13. MATT: With advantage? TALIESIN: With advantage. LAURA: 12. MATT: Okay. You guys make your way up to the edge of the tent. TALIESIN: I’m not going to make the noise I’m just going to– MATT: Right. As you make your way over to the edge of the tent where the sisters and Ornna are, you focus and concentrate. Nothing, from the radial thing. One of the guards, who’s standing up and making a patrol, looks over right as you duck behind and you hear a “Huh?” SAM: Uh oh. LAURA: Quick, go in the tent. TALIESIN: We’re going to go in the tent. LAURA: We all duck under the tent go and act like we’re sleeping. MATT: You guys all dodge under the tent just as the guard begins to pass around. You hear the footsteps around. As you step in you watch as the two Knot sisters– TALIESIN: (shushes) MATT: They both curl into a ball and stay really quiet. All of the sudden Ornna comes to consciousness and (light footsteps) the footsteps finish the circle and then go back towards where the fire is. LAURA: That was close. MATT: Ornna leans in, goes like, “Okay, what is going on.” TALIESIN: That’s what I’m trying to figure out, what the fuck is going on. They’re with me, it’s been complicated. Gustav’s in deep. Bosun’s in deep. LAURA: Tell us you know something. MATT: “What do you want to know?” TALIESIN: What did you see? I don’t know. SAM: Who did this? What was it? MATT: “I don’t know. I looked and I saw what you saw.” TALIESIN: This is Ornna I assume. MATT: This is Ornna, yeah. TALIESIN: Ornna is the fire dancer. MARISHA: Right, okay. TALIESIN: For fuck’s sake, they’re going to kill every last fucking one of us unless we figure this out. MATT: She’s like, “Right.” TALIESIN: What do you think? MATT: “Well the sister’s over here think it’s a hit job, but this isn’t a hit job with zombies? "Are you fucking kidding me?” TALIESIN: I don’t know. I think that they’re trying to cover something. MATT: “That’s not surprising.” MARISHA: Can I insight check the sisters? What are they doing right now? MATT: They’re both just quietly curled up and watching you guys talk. MARISHA: They’re not saying anything, though? MATT: Not yet. If you want to ask them something you can. MARISHA: Do they look nervous or are they just being shifty? MATT: Make an insight check to find out. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: While she’s doing that I’m going to try and sneak out the underside of the tent to go to the big tent. SAM: I’ll go with her. MATT: This is a bit of a leap. This goes about 25, 30 feet south of where you are around the campfire that’s open. SAM: No problem. MATT: Go ahead and make your stealth checks, guys. TALIESIN: Oh god. I miss Pass Without a Trace so much. SAM: 23. TALIESIN: That’s a number. LAURA: Nine. MATT: Okay. What was your insight check? MARISHA: 15. MATT: 15. They both look nervous, but just untrusting of the scenario. You can’t read anything deeper than that. There is definitely a, hmm, but you can’t quite get a full bead on them. You guys, as you curl around the outside, there’s the one guard that’s sitting in the chair by the fire that goes like (snores) and opens his eyes a little bit and looks over in your direction, Jester, and there’s a brief moment where he’s just looking right at you. Do you do anything? LAURA: I freeze. SAM: Oh god. MATT: Stands up. LAURA: Can I use– oh shit. I’m going shitballs, shit. SAM: I’m just tucking around, getting ready. MATT: You’re around, you don’t see anything. SAM: I don’t see this? MATT: Sorry, he doesn’t see you. LAURA: I’m going to cast Charm Person on the guard that sees me. MATT: Okay. As he stands up, he goes toward you and he goes for his blade and he has to make a saving throw. SAM: Oh boy. MATT: Which he does not make. I don’t think so, it’s like a six. SAM: No, it’s like 13 or something. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: So he goes like– LAURA: Hi, I’m not here. MATT: “Okay.” LAURA: Okay. Sit down. Go to sleep, this is a dream. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TALIESIN: That’s so good. LAURA: That’s so close. This is so bad. Five. MATT: He doesn’t seem to buy the dream thing, but he’s like– LAURA: You want it to be a dream. MATT: He doesn’t go to sleep but he knows you’re there and he’s keeping an eye, but he’s not doing anything. LAURA: Okay, well it’s good enough, I guess. MATT: But he’s definitely aware that you’re there. LAURA: I’m going to go towards the big tent just so I can see if I can sense any evil. MATT: Okay. Really quickly, just to check because it’s– That’s right, Charm Person is not– LAURA: It’s not, yes. MATT: Okay. It’s at this point that you turn your attention to the tent and focus. There is a hefty, radiating warm fiendish source from the inside of that large tent. SAM: We found something! LAURA: I can sense something. Let’s go in the tent. SAM: Go in? But if it’s bad, that’s bad. LAURA: What if it’s just a dead thing? SAM: Oh god, will we have to fight a dead thing? Should we get some help? I turn to Caleb’s cat and I say go! Go get Caleb! Shoo! (hiss) Go away! (hiss) I can’t speak Cat! Go away! MATT: The cat goes, (angry meow). SAM: Go away! Go tell Caleb we’re here! MATT: (hiss) LIAM: Yes! MATT: Turns around and sprays you and then keep walking. SAM: Okay, I’ve sent for help. LAURA: Okay. Let’s go under the tent. SAM: All right, let’s go. MATT: You guys carefully maneuver under the tent. As soon as you curl into the interior of the tent you hear a very heavy (snoring). LAURA: This the big tent that you guys were just in? SAM: No. MATT: No, it’s the one on the south side of it. SAM: It’s a different one. LAURA: Oh! MARISHA: Toad guy. MATT: You see the slowly expanding and contracting form of Kylre from the back side. You see this giant, scaly, somewhat oily exterior of the body. SAM: That’s why you detected him, because he’s a fiend. LAURA: Maybe he’s a good fiend, can fiends be good? SAM: I don’t know, you detected– LAURA: Is he still sleeping? MATT: (snoring) LAURA: He’s still sleeping. SAM: We can wake him up and ask? LAURA: And ask if he’s good or bad? SAM: Yeah? LAURA and SAM: Eh. SAM: Is anyone else in the tent? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: One. LAURA: Oh no, we suck at this. LIAM: This? Everything! LAURA: 17. MATT: Okay, that’s better. You just stare right at the body of this toad going, “Nope.” SAM: This looks really big and scary. MATT: You glance and see a faint bit of a whitish material from the crook of the arm. You take a few steps forward and glance from the side and you can see asleep, cradled in his large, lizardman arms, Toya, dwarf girl is curled up and asleep peacefully. SAM: We should talk to her, but if we wake her up he’s going to be mad. I guess we have no choice, we should talk to her. She’s a dwarf? Do you speak Dwarvish? LAURA: No, I don’t. SAM: Maybe she speaks Common. We’ll be fine. She’s a circus person. LIAM: I have that ability, it lets you know exactly where the fiend is. Which of those things is the fiend? LAURA: Which of the things is the fiend? MATT: It’s the large source. LAURA: It’s definitely the large fiend. LIAM: It could have easily been the little girl. MATT: It could have been, yeah. LAURA: It’s the big guy. SAM: Let’s wake her up! MATT: The radiance is around the large creature. LAURA: And her name is Toya? SAM: Toya. Singing dwarf. LAURA: Let’s sit down on the ground and look non-threatening. So we sit down cross-legged. Just casual. Like we’re having a tea party. SAM: Put down my hair. LAURA: And then we go: Toya! Toya wake up! SAM: Wakey wakey! MATT: The breathing stops and there’s this stillness in the interior of the tent. SAM: We should light a light or something? Otherwise we’re just in the dark. MATT: You hear this faint sound of squeaking as lubricated folds of lizardman flesh twist over each other as the devil toad’s head kind of curls back to look at you quietly, the mouth slightly ajar. You can see rows of teeth and this bit of drool down the edge of the chin onto the ground. “What. you. want?” LAURA: We’re here to talk to Toya. MATT: At which point the little girl (yawn) begins (grunt) (thumping) and rotates in his space. He takes up almost the entirety of this tent. And slowly rotates around inside. Surprisingly quiet for his size. And still clutching Toya, Toya sits up and is like “What’s happening? (yawn)” LAURA: Hi! MATT: “Hi!” SAM: Sorry to disturb your slumber. MATT: She takes her braids and holds them with her hands, it’s almost a safety blanket she curls into herself. She looks about 11 or 12. This close you can see she looks younger than she did from that distance. Whether it be the presence or the mature voice. But she seems pretty young. But she’s not childlike. LAURA: Oh hey! What’s going on. MATT: “ Well?” SAM: Do you recognize us from the other night? Last night? LAURA: Last night. SAM: Last night? MATT: “I don’t remember, I got scared.” LAURA: It was scary. You have a really pretty voice. MATT: “Thank you.” LAURA: Did you notice how when you sang that a dude turned into a zombie? MATT: She begins to chuckle. And the big toad (laughter). “I did. It was really scary! I didn’t "like it at all. I didn’t do that, did I?” LAURA: Probably not. SAM: Has it happened before, or was that– MATT: “No. The guards are saying I probably did that, they’re saying I might have done that.” It’s interesting, you notice now listening to her, she has this beautiful voice but her speaking voice is very crackly. It sounds almost damaged. LAURA: Do you sing all the time, Toya? MATT: “I sing a lot. It’s what keeps me alive, it’s what gets me money.” LAURA: Right. I understand that. SAM: Was that the same song you always sing? MATT: “Yeah. It’s the one song I know.” SAM: Did it feel the same coming out of you or was it different? MATT: “It felt the same.” LAURA: What language is it? MATT: “It’s an old dwarven tune. My mother taught it to me before she passed.” LAURA: What does it mean? MATT: “It’s a tale of the angels and how they came from the realms beyond of the gods. They granted "each to us our sparks of life.” LAURA: Granted sparks of life. Does that sound like a familiar story that I’ve heard before? MATT: It sounds vaguely religious, but– SAM: When you were singing, did you hear any other sounds or words that someone else was saying? MATT: “No, not beyond the ordinary. Then I saw that poor man just start tearing through people. I "got scared and Kylre helped me.” She puts her arm up and pats and (grunt). LAURA: How did you and Kylre meet? MATT: “They brought me into the circus. I was up in a city north of here, far north of the Marrow "Valley and I was just on the streets singing. And this carnival came by and I met Gustav and he "invited me to join and that’s how I met Kylre and I met all these wonderful people.” SAM: Has anyone new come around and talked to you? MATT: “No.” SAM: Asked you to do anything? It’s so strange. LAURA: Man, we suck at this. SAM: No, we’re really good. MATT: “The newest people we’ve had are Mollymauk and Yasha.” LAURA: They’re new? MATT: “Comparatively. Mollymauk’s been here almost two years now.” LAURA: Oh. Okay. MATT: “He came after I did. We both found our voice together. I was very scared and he wasn’t "talking and together we helped each other learn to have fun again.” SAM: And yesterday before the show you didn’t notice anything weird, anyone creeping around the carnival, setting up anything? MATT: “No.” SAM: Snooping around? LAURA: Anybody in weird cloaks? SAM: Cloaks, cloaks! MATT: “I didn’t see anything.” LAURA: Okay. LIAM: DM, on a minor note, I put my hand on Fjord’s shoulder and say I’m going to be blind for a second, give me a little slap if anything goes wrong. And I tune into Frumpkin who should still be– MATT: At this point in time you notice (laughter) Nott going “Shoo! Cah! Go find help!” and you hear a (hiss) (grumpy meow). Yeah. LIAM: And then Frumpkin takes off? MATT: Frumpkin starts heading back around towards you. LIAM: So I’m looking at myself after a moment. MATT: Briefly, as you keep concentrating, Frumpkin finds his way under the tent and comes up to you. SAM: Is there anyone you think would want to destroy the carnival or hurt Gustav? Does Gustav have any enemies? MATT: “I hope not. I know him and Ornna argue a lot, but–” SAM: Him and Ornna? It’s Ornna! Ornna’s the one. Thanks very much, we’re out of here. (laughter) SAM: Hot lead! LAURA: Let’s go! We’ve got it, we’ve solved the case! TALIESIN: I’m going to have a tiny bit of conversation with her. MATT: Yeah. So while they’re gone, the two of you are in the other tent with the sisters and Ornna. MARISHA: I would like to talk with the sisters while that is going on. MATT: They’re both sitting there, knees tucked to their chest. MARISHA: I go and sit down next to them, putting my knees up, too. This whole thing is really messed up, right? MATT: “Yeah, you’re telling us.” MARISHA: Yeah. Man. Like, why would we do anything like that? I feel like we’re all being needlessly persecuted. MATT: “I’m sorry, who are you?” MARISHA: Oh, sorry. I’m Beau. The other Bo, but I helped fight the zombies the other night. I’m under house arrest. We’re under the same situation, just separately. Not really. I don’t want to compare myself to you, because that would be rude. MATT: The two halfling twins look at each other, and back at you. TALIESIN: Her name’s Beau. She’s helping, she’s awful, you have a lot in common. MATT: “Okay, well, I mean, whatever you want to know.” MARISHA: He’s such a dick. Why is he such a dick? MATT: “Molly’s great, why are you such a dick?” TRAVIS: Reversal! MARISHA: Oh, sorry, he’s been talking shit about you this whole time, I don’t know, I just– MATT: Make a deception check on that. TRAVIS and LIAM: Oh. LIAM: Stirring the pot. MARISHA: It’s okay. 15. TALIESIN: I’m going to walk by the two twins, because I’m circling the tent, trying to get a look, and be like, I’ve absolutely been talking shit. You’re both terrible. I give them both a kiss on the head and keep walking. MATT: Okay. They both, “All right, so what are you trying to do?” MARISHA: What am I trying to do? I’m trying to figure out who’s behind all this so that we can keep moving on with our lives. MATT: “All right, well, get it over with. Soon as this is done, we’re out.” TALIESIN: They may not let us leave. They may be killing us all. MATT: “They’re not going to kill us all!” The other goes, “They’re not going to kill us all.” TALIESIN: They’re weird out there. They’re very weird out there. MATT: (sighs) MARISHA: Your guys’ performance was amazing, by the way. MATT: “Thanks.” MARISHA: I loved it. SAM: We’re stealthing over to that tent, by the way. LAURA: I thought we were stealthing over to the main tent. SAM: The one with Ornna in it. TALIESIN: Ornna’s in the tent with us. MATT: Oh, you guys are going to the main tent. LAURA: I wanted to get to the main tent to see if I could sense any evil in the big, main tent. SAM: Oh, you want to swoop by the main tent? LAURA: But if it’s really far away. MATT: Not too far away from where you were, because you’re backing out the side of it. So you can go ahead and stealth around. Make a stealth check. LAURA: Oh, god. Please no one, please no whammies. TALIESIN and LAURA: Big money. SAM: I’m fine. LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: Nice, and what did you get? SAM: 22. MATT: The two of you, without issue, make your way around towards the large tent without being seen. SAM: Any evil? LAURA: I’m sensing it. MATT: Nothing. SAM: Goddamn it. LAURA: No fucking evil! SAM: It’s Ornna! We know who it is! We know who the killer is! TALIESIN: While you’re talking to the twins, I’ll be talking to Ornna. Oh, for fuck’s sake. MATT: “To be honest, if it’s any easier, it’s probably Gustav.” TALIESIN: It’s not fucking Gustav. MATT: “It probably is, you shut up. He’s a prick, he doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s going to run this whole carnival into the ground. I don’t want to take the fall for it, we all get away on this. MARISHA: No! TRAVIS: Little feet. LIAM: (snarling noises) TRAVIS: Eats and shoots the same way. (snarls) MARISHA: So wait, it’s probably Gustav? What makes you say that? MATT: "Because he’s in prison, he’s the leader, he’s fucked this whole thing by letting this happen.” MARISHA: Oh. Wow. You have interesting perspectives. Hey, weird question, how do you guys come up with your acts? Is that something that you guys create yourselves, or do you guys workshop it? TALIESIN: It’s like she’s never experienced boredom. It’s very weird. MATT: “Yeah. It’s impressive.” TALIESIN: Hey, Ornna? MATT: Ornna goes, “Yes?” TALIESIN: (sighs) I mean, I know your feelings on all this. What do you think? MATT: (sighs) “I’d say Bosun’s a stand up guy, if a bit of a self-absorbed dick at times. And we all "knew Gustav was going to shit the bed sooner or later, I mean, this is his karma. I just don’t "know how, or why, but I can guarantee you, if this was my carnival, this shit wouldn’t have happened. TALIESIN: Really? MATT: "Mm-hmm.” TALIESIN: What exactly would you have done? MATT: “Well, first off, I would have made sure that we had better support from the guard before this all happened so nobody else got killed.” TALIESIN: They were useless. MATT: “Secondly, I would have made sure that there weren’t any old folks that made it in to fucking turn into shit.” TALIESIN: Well, that’s on me and– That’s on me. MATT: “I don’t know.” MARISHA: You feel the same way, Knot sisters? Feel like this is karma on Gustav? TALIESIN: They would. MATT: At which point, the flap of the tent opens up and it’s Jester. LAURA: It’s Ornna! SAM: Ornna, you have a lot of explaining to do! MARISHA: Shut up! SAM: You have a lot of explaining to do! MARISHA: Shut up! SAM: We’ve talked to Toya. She knows it’s you who did this! LAURA: We know you guys are in a fight all the time. SAM: You’re the one behind the whole plot! You did it! LAURA: You! MATT: The two Knot sisters immediately go, “Ornna? Is it you? Did you kill that guy?” Ornna’s like, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What the fuck is this? Who the fuck are you!” LAURA: Why did you turn that guy into a zombie? SAM: Who do you work for! TALIESIN: Ornna, Ornna. MARISHA: Insight check on the Knot sisters! MATT: Go for it. SAM: They’ve got Nazi in their name! MARISHA: What?! SAM: Knot seesters. MARISHA: Natural 20! [all exclaiming] LIAM: Whispers! LAURA: The first whisper! MARISHA: Give me that sweet whisper! SAM: Guys, I don’t know about you. But my stats are so neat because of D&D Beyond tonight. LIAM: There’s no pencil smudges. SAM: No, I know right now I’ve got 14 of 15 hit points. TRAVIS: It opens, it closes, you can see your spells when you need to see them without flipping. TALIESIN: I’ve got a little iPad button on the back of my pen, it’s quite nice. SAM: Start talking, or this gnome– nope! Goblin! Starts biting. MATT: Ornna goes, “To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what’s going on. Y'all just came in here, started throwing accusations at me. Gustav got arrested. Bosun got arrested. Molly got arrested, I’m glad you got off that. But to be perfectly honest, this whole thing’s a shit show. And the circus is probably not going to be the same after this.” LAURA: Insight check on the– MATT: Insight check on Ornna. LIAM: My cat is on patrol because we’ve been standing with our dicks in our hands for a long time. MATT: Yeah, I’m sorry. LIAM: No! I’m not complaining, but I would have sent the cat out. LAURA: Seven. MATT: Kind of hard to read. She seems genuinely frustrated and caught off guard by this. LAURA: I think she’s telling the truth. TALIESIN: Ornna, you might as well come clean, this is classic you. MATT: She looks at you. “Molly.” TALIESIN: I’m just trying to– MATT: “Fuck you.” TALIESIN: Oh, fuck you, too. It’s no secret that Ornna and Gustav have their differences, but this ridiculous. I mean, she knows damn well that half the circus would leave if he got fucking arrested and died. MATT: “You’re for real worried about this? You really think who it could be? Let’s play. Gustav: he’s an idiot. But he’s not a murderer. Bosun: bit of a dick. But he’s a stand up fella. Toya: absolute doll. Couldn’t hurt a fly. Mona and Yuli: They’re cunts. But they’re not going to kill anyone. Desmond’s a weird fellow. There’s something dark in his past; you can see it in his melancholy. TALIESIN: But this is not his style. SAM: It’s Desmond. Let’s go to his tent! TALIESIN: I just grab– MATT: "There’s some untrustworthy intelligence in those lizard eyes of that devil.” LAURA: I did get a very evil kind of vibe off him. TALIESIN: What do you mean evil kind of vibe? LAURA: Well, I mean, he’s a fiend. TALIESIN: He’s what? LAURA: The devil toad guy. He’s a fiend. TALIESIN: That’s just a name. It’s not actually, like real thing. That just– [stammering] LAURA: You guys know he’s a fiend, right? MATT: There’s this moment of silence, like, “He’s supposed to be lizardfolk.” TALIESIN: What do you– SAM: It’s the lizard man! TALIESIN: I grab and push you down into the ground and hold you. (shushing sounds) Not yet. SAM: We’re cracking this case wide open. MATT: You guys, what are you doing? LIAM: I mean, just because we’re standing here so long, I would have been nervous and again held on to this guy’s big bicep and sent the cat out. TRAVIS: Why are you going all catatonic on me? MATT: (laughs) Nice. As the cat darts under the tent and makes its way through, you glance over to the fire and sees a large dark shape step out from one of the tents and you watch as one of the guards who’s sitting in the chair stands up and crumples onto the ground without a sound. You see the other guard look over, go over and run up to him and start to check on him. You guys hear a voice in the back start saying, “Damon? Damon?” MARISHA: Just a guard. One of the guards. LIAM: Fjord, something bad is happening. MATT: You watch as the dark figure spins and two flashes of red in the shadow nearby and you watch as the other guard suddenly grabs his head and grasps at his chest and falls on his back as his legs curl up. MARISHA: What the fuck! LIAM: Do I know where in relation to Fjord and I this is? MATT: It is to the east of you, about 150 feet. TRAVIS: Can you talk to me when you’re looking through the cat? LIAM: I can talk, but I can’t hear anything when I’m doing this. MATT: Correct. You watch as the shadow bounds like a giant frog– LIAM: The frog is on the move. Frog is on the move. MATT: –northward. LIAM: Away from us? But I don’t know where the others are. MATT: You guys hear the name calling, and then silence once more. LAURA: (whispers) Can we peek outside of the tent and see what’s going on? MATT: You guys go ahead and you look just as the guard on the ground is like (gurgling) and just stops moving. You see all the veins bulging. MARISHA: I run up to the guard and check his pulse. Is he still alive or is he paralyzed? MATT: As you come out of the tent, you watch as the flesh on his neck and throat splits and a very familiar transformation begins to take place as both of the guards begin to (growling). LAURA: Oh no. We have to fight them. MARISHA: Yeah, but get under the tent! We can get the drop! LIAM: I come out of it and I– Zombies. I start running towards the tent that I saw Jester peek out from under. MATT: As you guys rush underneath the big blue tent, you watch as the two guards that are quickly bulging and mutating, bits of their flesh dislodging from their body and falling. You watch now, up close, similar to the last time, but now that you are looking intently for this, you can see where there should be blood, it’s almost like dust and sand begin to spill from the wounds. Something you had noticed a little bit in the body of the old man before, but you didn’t know if it was decomposition or just general dirt. TALIESIN: Girls, we’re not supposed to be here. Can you help us handle this? MATT: You watch as the two halflings are like, “Fuck no!” TALIESIN: (sighs) We’ll do what we can. If something goes wrong, nudity usually works. [laughing] MATT: The two mutated guards now, their armor bulging and broken in places, turn to the noises in the tent where you guys are. SAM: Are we in the same tent or are we in two different tents? MATT: You guys are all in one tent with the other girls. You are all jammed into the space. The two of you make your way outside of the large tent as you watch these two bulging, zombified creatures making their way towards the tent. And that’s where we’re going to pick up next time. (groaning) SAM: Bastard! MATT: Because it is 11 now. TRAVIS: But we’re not supposed to be there! We’re gonna get framed for it! MARISHA: Exactly, we can’t get framed! SAM: Can I just say, Laura and I busted the case wide open! (laughter) TRAVIS: That is true! SAM: We solved the case. Easy. LAURA: Totally. TALIESIN: Which one’s Nancy, which one’s Drew? SAM: Couple inquisitions. Couple little, uh– Following the clues. LAURA: That’s right. TALIESIN: Just one more question. TRAVIS: When that demon frog leapt, how high and how far, approximately, did it look like it went? MATT: It looks like it leapt about 20 to 25 feet in the air and traveled about 40 feet with the leap. It was a large arc. LAURA: So we definitely can’t fight that thing. TRAVIS: Sure we can. LAURA: Oh my god. TRAVIS: Oh god. MATT: You saw it escape northward from where you are. MARISHA: And did it look like the same figure? MATT: Yasha ran north, northeast. This is just straight north of where you are. Towards the Ustaloch. MARISHA: Towards Ustaloch! It’s the fucking lake! [crosstalk] TRAVIS: Oh man, this is good, dude! MARISHA: See, here’s my thing. Does anyone else notice that the zombie transformations seem like a serpent shedding its skin? Because they always slough off their skin? TRAVIS: It’s also done without any contact. MARISHA: Wait, what? TRAVIS: It’s done without any contact. He never touches him. LAURA: Yeah, he touched him, didn’t he? MATT: No. LAURA: I thought he did. MATT: No, they just suddenly began to erupt in– LAURA: Hey, bonus news, though. The charm spell guy isn’t going to turn me dead! MATT: Look at that silver lining! TALIESIN: This season got dark. Season got dark. LAURA: Whoa. Tight tight tight tight. TRAVIS: Good shit. Little damaged voice, fuck yeah. MATT: That’ll be fun. LAURA: I wanted to cough for her. MATT: We’ll pick up there next week. The chase is on, apparently. Thank you guys so much for being awesome. Thank you guys for coming along and watching with us. We’ll pick this up next Thursday where we left off, right in the middle of this campsite. Until then, have a wonderful week. See you guys then. And, is it Thursday yet? Goodnight. MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. (laughter) MATT: Liam gets ever creative every week right before the camera goes live. Thank you, Liam. LIAM: First good one of the campaign, come on. MATT: Welcome! Before we jump into the game, we have some announcements, so we’ll get through those as quickly as possible. First and foremost, once again, returning, and for an extended time for the foreseeable future, we are happy to have a sponsored partner, D&D Beyond. (cheering) MATT: Awesome, fantastic application for those to make their D&D characters and store them online and adjust. Sam, do you want to go ahead and take it away? SAM: Yes! D&D Beyond is our awesome sponsor. It’s a great online mobile access thing that you can manage all sorts of stuff. I’m losing my voice tonight, because– MARISHA: Oh no! SAM: Yeah, I know. So that I can preserve my voice for the rest of the night, Laura, can you read the copy and I’ll lip sync it. LAURA: The joy of sitting next to you. SAM: Thank you. Laura: Oh god. As you know, D&D Beyond is the official digital tool set for Critical Role. It’s got a ton of features, but one of the coolest is that it keeps track of stuff like hit points, inspiration, and all sorts of modifiers to your dice rolls, which is amazing, especially if you’re the kind of person that’s more focused on which dice you’re rolling with. SAM: Keep going. (laughter) LAURA: You know, the kind of superstitious gamer that thinks that the color and style of dice actually makes any difference at all. The sort of weirdo who believes some dice are lucky and some are cursed. Or one of those crackpot shut-ins who uses dice jails– ha ha ha. Those people are lame. Anyway, check them out at w-w-w-dot– SAM: Oh, keep going. LAURA: dndbeyond.com That’s D-N-D not D-and-D. DnD. Get $10 off any book in the marketplace with code ‘beginnings.’ Also, Sam Riegel is a cock bag. SAM: What?! No! That’s not what it says! (laughter) MATT: Thank you, Sam. Well done. TALIESIN: Classic, classic. MATT: Thank you, Laura, for the assist. Thank you, D&D Beyond for being an awesome partners on this new campaign. As a reminder, Talks Machina, with our recently paroled friend Brian W. Foster, your host every Thursday– I’m sorry, Tuesday– Tuesday nights at 7:00pm on Twitch and Project Alpha to talk about this episode that’s happening tonight, next week. Check it out if you’re around and want to see different cast members’ thoughts on what has transpired. The new campaign episode two is now available for download on podcast, so you can go ahead and find that where all great podcasts are available on the internet. Issue #4 of the Critical Role comic, Vox Machina: Origins is out! It’s been out for a couple of days now. It’s starting to ramp up towards the story climax in the next two issues. Pretty excited about it and the next two issues are crazy. LIAM: Well-oiled machine, that party. MATT: Those of us that know what happens in the next two issues, it’s like (quiet squeal) getting impatient. SAM: I don’t know what happens. LIAM: Oh my god. I saw some early black and white pages today. MATT: Olivia did such a good job. Olivia is our artist for it. She’s from the Critter community. She’s amazing and did an incredible job with the comic, so show her some love. Olivia Samson is amazing, and Matt Colville, of course, our writer. Everyone who works on the comic does a great job, so check it out if you haven’t had the chance. It’s available on digital download on the Dark Horse app, on ComiXology, and a lot of other awesome places on the internet you can probably find. MATT: Are you– oh jeez. Why do we put you two next to each other? LAURA: Look, I gave him a dice and he gave me a dice. MATT: Aw, that’s actually really cute. I apologize for being so snappy. (laughter) MATT: I apologize if I’m a little puffy still. I had my wisdom teeth taken out. (cheering) SAM: When? MATT: On Saturday. TRAVIS: No anesthetic. (laughter) LIAM: Show us your mouth holes! MATT: No, you do not want that. LAURA: I expected your cheeks to be all poofy. MATT: They have been throughout the whole week and steadily, I have been like, “Please, please, don’t “be so bad on Thursday.” It’s okay. Not too bad today. LAURA: You look chiseled. MARISHA: He looks fine. It’s all in his head. TRAVIS: Did you dunk your head in a tub of ice and stuff? MATT: A lot of ice. A lot of ice. But that’s enough about me and my gum holes. (laughter) LIAM: I would like to hide behind 50 characters now. MATT: Exactly. That’s my usual defense mechanism for social engagement. Also, once again, our fantastic charity, 826LA. If you haven’t had a chance, check it out. They do amazing programs for creative writing for underprivileged kids. If you have the opportunity to donate, or donate your time to become one of their fantastic volunteers, that would be fantastic. Check it out, we love them, and have been supporting them for a long time. They’re amazing. Thank you, 826LA. Or an 826 near your home. I think those are all of the major announcements. LAURA: Whoa, that was fast! MATT: I know, we went through them fast. LAURA: I didn’t even sort my dice yet! MATT: No new cons or events. So with that, let’s dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [upbeat music] MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, this intrepid band of slowly converging individual stories into some semblance of an adventuring party have found themselves caught up in an investigation. There was a carnival you attended, which Mollymauk was a part of, that had a terrible scenario occur. An older man who was at the carnival had been transformed in the middle of a performance into some horrible undead creature that attacked and assaulted other people within the tent. You defeated it and since have all been under investigation and been told you can’t leave the town. To try and absolve yourselves of any sort of doubt, you’ve begun to investigate what the cause is for this strange transformation. You’ve gone around the town asking questions, meeting individuals, eventually finding yourselves back at the tent in the middle of the night, past midnight, in the early hours of the morning, sneaking into tents and asking members of the carnival what they may know about what has transpired. Upon speaking with a number of members of the carnival, two of the guards that were on site suddenly fell dead where they were standing, writhing in pain as they passed. You watched as a large shadow, which you had confirmed being fiendish in nature, leapt northward towards the Ustaloch and out of sight as both Fjord and Caleb rushed out of the main tent to see the center of the camp where these two bodies begin to rise up, two more of the freshly transformed undead creatures now angered and looking about for something to feast upon. And that was where we left off. TRAVIS: Totally good. SAM: No problem with our setup. LAURA: That was the third spell, by the way. Detect Good and Evil. MATT: Okay, there you go. So how many spells do you have left? LAURA: No spells. I’ve got cantrips though, so don’t worry, guys. MATT: Well– TALIESIN: No burger left. Just onion rings. LAURA: Just the fried piece. Not even an onion left in there. MATT: I would like you all to roll initiative, please. TRAVIS: Oh, right off the bat? MATT: Yeah! SAM: We’re fighting already? MARISHA: Oh, natural 20! SAM: Nope! I rolled her dice, it was a one, I’m never rolling it again. LAURA: Oh! Yours rolled a one, too. (laughter) TRAVIS: We rolled low. Level two! LAURA: Oh no, oh no! MATT: All righty. 20 to 15. MARISHA: 24. MATT: Beau at the top. 15 to 10? LIAM: Elf. 11. SAM: Is that German? LIAM: Ja. MATT: Ten to five. SAM: Five. TALIESIN: Eight. That’s a number. MATT: That it is. You? TRAVIS: Nope. Three. LIAM: Three! LAURA: You have three initiative? What’s your initiative? LIAM: What’s your modifier? TRAVIS: Zero. MATT: So. Five. LIAM: Holy. Shit. MATT: The good news is they didn’t roll very high, either, but still better than a lot of you. And then three and three? LAURA: No, I’m four. MATT: Okay, there we go. TRAVIS: You’re one, right? SAM: I have five. One plus four. LIAM: And you’re one plus nothing? LAURA: One plus three. MATT: You watch as these two zombified guards, their brass-colored scale armor clanking as their forms rise up, looking around, peer past the shadowed darkness around the campfire lighting the interior. The horses grow nervous as you watch both Caleb and Fjord emerge from the tent right in their sights. You watch as they both begin to lumber in your direction. TRAVIS: Son of a bitch. SAM: You guys are out in the open? LAURA: Yeah, they’re just sitting there. LIAM: We just walked out of the tent door and are looking at that. TRAVIS: Thank god there’s that cart right there. LIAM: We’re safe. MATT: They come right up to you. LAURA: They are fast moving zombies! MATT: Well, that’s all it can do. It dashed. It lurches towards them. They move a little bit quicker than you’d expect, but not necessarily that quick. They both spend their full turns trying to close the gap. For the horses– LIAM: Is that one five or ten feet away from me? The horses immediately freak out and start running this direction in a gallop. LIAM: Oh, damn it. TRAVIS: There goes that idea. TALIESIN: It was such a good idea. SAM: The horses have better initiative than all of us. MATT: That’s going to go ahead and end their go. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I turn to Jester and Molly. Fucking– we probably shouldn’t kill crownsguard, even if it’s a zombie. Should we go after the toad? LAURA: We should probably kill the zombies because anybody that gets bitten by a zombie turns into another zombie! MARISHA: I don’t want to be a guard killer. All right, fine. TALIESIN: I don’t want to be a fucking zombie. TRAVIS: We just can’t be here. MARISHA: Can I peek out and see the guard-zombies? TALIESIN: They did run by. MATT: You watch them as you peek under the tent and they both just ran to the right. MARISHA: Can I crawl out from under the tent and clear the gap with them and get up to them? TALIESIN: Oh, fancy. SAM: Cool map. MATT: That’s as close as you can get right there. You can go into a dash if you wanted to engage directly. MARISHA: Oh, man, I don’t know what to do. TRAVIS: It’s all right. Work it out. MATT: Actually, this is my fault. I rolled for the zombies to see who they saw first, but technically their turn hadn’t come up yet. That’s my fault, because their initiative is lower in the order, so we’re going to retcon a little bit of that. That’s still there. TRAVIS: (singing) Rewind! MATT: Because your initiative was super high. That’s totally my bad. It’s early enough in the combat where it’s not going to make a huge difference. But you do watch as they turn and they look past the direction like they’re ready to dart towards the actual large carnival tent. LAURA: Now I just want to do Hamilton with all our character voices. MARISHA: After Jester trying to help me, can I close the gap to this guy? MATT: You can at this point, yeah. It’s two squares to get there. TRAVIS: Look at that mini! LAURA: Oh, you’re out there all by yourself! Beau! MARISHA: It’s cool, man. TRAVIS: Cut them down with those guns. MARISHA: Is that fire still going? MATT: It’s not a huge blaze, but there’s some flames in it. It’s starting to burn out a little bit. TRAVIS: Both barrels. Six shooter. Give it to them. MARISHA: Okay. With my initial attack as I run up, can I take my staff and try and take them out at the knees? Just a sweep? MATT: Sure. I’d say go ahead and make an athletics check. TRAVIS: Knock them prone? MARISHA: Yeah, that’s what I’m going for. MATT: Make an athletics check. TRAVIS: I like that a lot. MARISHA: That’s not great. Nine. MATT: Rolled a natural 20 on his end. MARISHA: Shit! MATT: As you swing with the staff, it slams into the side of the guard’s leg and you hear the slight crack of wood as the armored exterior of the zombified form seems to stand resolute against the strength of your blow. Its head, which was turned off angrily towards the shadowed direction of Caleb and Fjord, turns back, the red burning coals for eyes now glaring in your direction. What are you doing? MARISHA: I look at him and I say, you fucking broke my stick! I’m going to do an elbow to the face and then another punch with the staff still in my hand and do Flurry of Blows. MATT: Well, you did your one attack to sweep him. It’s an unarmed attack for your next two. MARISHA: Right, I know. I’m doing an elbow and a punch, I’m just holding my staff. MATT: Right. Misunderstood. Okay, go for it. Roll for the attack. MARISHA: Two attacks, right? MATT: You got it. MARISHA: Oh god, this makes me so nervous. That’s good! 19 for the first one. MATT: 19 hits. MARISHA: Oh, and a natural one for the second. MATT: You guys with the ones at the start of this fight! LAURA: I don’t know what’s happening! MATT: Roll damage for the first one. TRAVIS: You can’t be too cocky. MATT: I know, apparently. MARISHA: Eight? LAURA: What’s new at the table? TALIESIN: Everything. MATT: Eight points of damage. As you elbow across, wham! You watch as the jaw hangs and dislodges a bit, and as its head turns towards you, you reach with your other first and it catches it in the middle of the air and it tries to bite at your arm, but the jaw hangs open, not able to actually find any purchase in your arm. I believe that ends your turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I am going to move over a bit towards that carriage and I pull the diamond out of my component pouch and a small prismatic ball forms over it. I take my other hand and spin it really fast and little ice shards start shooting out of the side. I take it with the free hand and I’m going to throw it like a fucking baseball pitcher at the one closest to Beauregard. MATT: Right there? Okay. So go ahead and roll your attack on that. LIAM: D&D Beyond, where did you go? Oh, that’s good! 23. MATT: 23 definitely hits. LIAM: Okay. So that is cold damage. 3d8. Come on! Nine total. MATT: Nine points of cold damage to it. You watch as it’s trying to bite with no effect towards Beau’s arm as she’s pulling away. The sphere slams into the side of its shoulder, it would be this side, and it pulls back. You watch as the arm breaks a bit and the ice shards coalesce around the outside of the armor and linger with this frost and mist that sprays off the impact. It looks fairly damaged. LIAM: Question, am I supposed to roll initiative for Frumpkin as well? MATT: Technically by the rules, yes. But it might be easier to have you guys go at the same time. LIAM: Okay, if that’s what you want to do. MATT: Sure, for now. LIAM: I’m sending Frumpkin to zip under that tent. He has 40 feet of movement. MATT: This one here? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Easy enough. Frumpkin is underneath there. TRAVIS: What’s inside? MARISHA: What’s in the tent? TRAVIS: (sneezing) Fucking cat. MATT: That your turn? LIAM: That’s it, ja. LAURA: This is so cute. Look at all the little barrels. MATT: Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to burst out of the tent. Can I make it to the one that Beau is fighting? MATT: (counting) You can indeed. TALIESIN: I’m going to make it to the one that Beau is fighting and I’m going to take two straight attacks with my scimitar. MATT: Go for it. You see half of its body encased in ice now, and it’s still lashing out in Beau’s direction as you rush up. TALIESIN: That’s a 15 and a natural 20. MATT: Okay then! TALIESIN: Without even figuring out, yeah. LAURA: Fifteen plus whatever. MATT: Those both hit. TALIESIN: Natural 20 is just double the die, right? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Come on, iron snitch. LAURA: Make up for our shortcomings, Taliesin! MATT: Which one’s which? TALIESIN: First one is (counting) 15? TRAVIS: Yeah, dude. TALIESIN: No, double, I have to roll two dice, right? MATT: The first attack is that die, so that’s not the critical. TALIESIN: Okay, that’s fine. That’s nine points of damage. Then two dice or double the dice? MATT: We’ll just double the die, it’s fine. It’s fun to do it that way. Less dice to have to roll. TALIESIN: That’s 13 points of damage. MATT: 13 points of damage. MATT: Ha, nope. So you watch as it’s slashing at Beau. The ice explodes in its side and Mollymauk comes walking out of the tent, both of the scimitars spinning in his hand like this dervish entity. As he slams both blades simultaneously into the sides of this creature, he cuts a v shape into the upper torso and it slips out of it. The central portion of its body slips onto the ground with a splat and the arms fall to the side and the body collapses onto the ground. TALIESIN: I turn and smile at Beau. MARISHA: Thanks. LAURA: You cut like a little v cake with head. TALIESIN: It’s a pizza pie with a pizza slice. I turn 180 and get ready for the other one. MARISHA: Doesn’t make me trust you any more. Less, actually. MATT: Which is now its turn. Having you rush out of the tent, its attention once in the distance, it traces you over as you attack its ally. It lunges over towards you and makes two strikes in your direction. TALIESIN: I make eye contact with it and, fuck it, just for fun I’m going to burn my blood maledict. There’s going to be a blood vessel that pops on my neck and I’m going to make him cry. TRAVIS: “I’m just going to make him cry”! MATT: The bulging red eyes suddenly go black and thick droplets of blood-like ichor begin to spill out the corners of the zombie’s eyes. TALIESIN: I take three damage. MATT: Oh are you– TALIESIN: I’m amplifying. MATT: You take three damage. This attack and the next attack he has disadvantage on. MARISHA: Ooh shit, that’s awesome! MATT: 16 and an eight for the first attack so that bring it down to a 12 to hit. TALIESIN: No. MATT: As it rushes towards you, you can see the opening as it swings too wide and you duck right out of the way. Second attack with disadvantage as well. That’s a 19 and a 16, so the 16 plus four that’s 20, so it still hits. TALIESIN: It still hits. That’s fine. MATT: The first one you duck out of the way. However, the secondary slam hits you for five points of bludgeoning damage across your shoulder. You get pushed back into Beau and Beau catches your fall. TRAVIS: Not the jacket! TALIESIN: Ow. MATT: That ends its go. Nott, you’re up. SAM: It’s still alive? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Nott is going to hard charge out of the tent. Not at the beast, but across the courtyard. Yes. As fast as she can go, saying: Shit shit shit! Can she make it to that box? MATT: She can’t, unfortunately. SAM: She can’t? MATT: No, it’s (counting). You can get to right there. SAM: As she’s running, she’s going to fire her crossbow at the dude. 11 plus six, 17. MATT: That hits. ALL: Ooh! (laughter) TRAVIS: Wow! Your dice just ollied off of the side of your dice tray! If this was Tony Hawk, you would be accumulating points still, it’s racking it up. LIAM: I’ve seen this Twilight episode. He knows what is behind your screen the rest of the game! MARISHA: Give him the multiplier! MATT: There you go. SAM: Okay, so that is seven points of damage and sneak attack damage? MATT: Correct, as it is adjacent to Molly. SAM: Another two points. MATT: Okay. SAM: Oh! And why not? I’ll use Fury of the Small! Add another two points. MATT: That’s a full ten points of damage to him. SAM: Yes and then bonus action can I just hide behind that thing? MATT: You can’t hide behind it because you’d have to get behind it, but you can use your bonus action to dash and get behind it. You’re not technically hiding, but you’ll move in this direction. LAURA: Oh, that’s what rouges can do, they can use their bonus action to dash? SAM: Apparently? MATT: Yep. You get behind. “Oh god!” That finishes your turn, Nott. That brings us to Jester! You’re up! LAURA: Oh okay! I’m going to sit down on the ground and open the tent. MATT: And look out? LAURA: And look out. MATT: You see this sudden interaction of everyone, or at least Beau and Molly leaping towards the standing zombie. LAURA: Then I say: Oh shit, I shouldn’t have used all those spells earlier. All I have is Sacred Flame, and I’m going to do that. I’m going to shoot Sacred Flame and at the same time I’m going to go: Frumpkin, come here, let me pet you! MATT: All right so Sacred Flame is a saving throw for the– LAURA: Yeah, it’s a 13 dexterity. MATT: It actually rolled exactly a 13 with no modifiers, so it does succeed. LAURA: That doesn’t do any damage then? MATT: Well, what does it say on the spell, is it half damage or no damage? LAURA: It just says that’s it. MATT: Okay then yeah, sorry. LAURA: Balls! (Coughs) Shit. Frumpkin! Lumpy, come here. MATT: Let me double check that. LAURA: Sorry, guys. MATT: That finishes Jester’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, can I fucking run up past the cart? Charge into the fray with my 30 speed. MATT: That’s about as close as you can get right there. TRAVIS: Can I pull out my falchion? I’ll flip it over so it’s pommel up and I will use Eldritch Blast towards the remaining zombie. MATT: As you hold your arm out in force, the edge of the pommel glows with this dark, black, purple, crackling energy, and this single bolt of Eldritch energy fires out in the direction. Roll for the attack. TRAVIS: That is a 14. MATT: That hits, roll damage. SAM: Travis is using magic. TRAVIS: I’m telling you, it’s all happening you guys! That is nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage, nice. It hits and the armor dents inward, to the point where if it was still a living human, it probably would’ve caused some serious internal bleeding or bludgeoning, but the creature seems relatively unphased by the impact, other than being pushed onto one foot then back on its, two-foot weight. That ends your turn. TRAVIS: I look around and say we need to drop this fucker and get the hell out of Dodge. (laughing) TALIESIN: There’s no way we’re going to be able to take this shit seriously. MATT: Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, back to the top. I’m going to do with my two-handed, I’m going to use my quarterstaff two-handed and come down and try and crack it over his head. MATT: All right, you have to move over to him, though. MARISHA: Okay, can I step over the dead guy. Sorry, excuse me. MATT: You vault off of the corpse of the other zombie guard and then leap down with your staff towards him, go for it. MARISHA: Goddamn it, fuck, balls and shit. 13. MATT: 13 still hits. MARISHA: Yeah! Fuck yeah! TRAVIS: If you weren’t drinking a sea anemone. MARISHA: You’re so weirded out about it. 11 points of damage. MATT: 11 points of damage. Wham! You slam into it and watch as it (impact). It’s starting to look pretty beat up, but it’s still standing. TRAVIS: Damn, that armor’s helping it, huh? MATT: You have a bonus action if you still want it. MARISHA: I can hit again with my bonus, right? I’m still trying to figure this out. MATT: Every turn, as long as you’re attacking with your action, you can bonus attack with you unarmed strike. Then use a ki point to double attack if you want. MARISHA: Right. Learning these combat abilities, it’s weird. Okay. I’m going to be like: Ugh, die! I’m going to do a big roundhouse kick to his head. MATT: Go for it, roll for the attack. TRAVIS: That’s awesome. MARISHA: That’s good, that’s a 16! MATT: 16 hits! Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: That’s an unarmed strike? Okay, eight points! MATT: Eight points?! MARISHA: It’s a two, plus– No, wait! I’m sorry, six points. I was looking at the wrong thing. MATT: That’s okay. Six points of damage. Whack! You slam it in the side of the head with a roundhouse kick and watch as the neck snaps and the head is stick there like (snarling). It’s trying to snarl, but you can hear the windpipe is closed off at the angle that it got snapped and it’s making this horrible choking sound. MARISHA: I go, “Ugh, Molly!” “Do it!” MATT: Caleb, your turn. LIAM: Okay I’m also tapped as well. I’m going to back up against the tent that we came out of and with a sinking pit in my stomach, my hand starts to blacken and flake and fire springs from the palm and it shoots, and I cast Fire Bolt. MATT: Roll for the attack. LAURA: Is that a cantrip? LIAM: That is a cantrip, yeah. That’s good though, that’s 17. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. LIAM: That’s 1d10, that’s this guy here that I never used in the last campaign. Oh, that’s four. MATT: Four points of damage. All right. The bolt slams into the side of its head where it was hit by Beau, and actually snaps it back into place. You watch its eyes lull for a second and it comes back with renewed undead strength. LAURA: Renewed undead strength? TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Undead strength. MATT: Renewed in the sense that for a second you watched the light flicker out but it seems to push through by the force of the enchantment that holds it aloft. MARISHA: Beau goes: Who undid my work? LIAM: I probably have a little bit of movement left. MATT: You’ve got ten feet. LIAM: I would like to sidle into the tent that I exited before and disappear. Frumpkin will dart across behind Molly to the little tent. LAURA: No, don’t leave me! MATT: (Counting) What’s the movement on Frumpkin? LIAM: 40. MATT: All right. That’s your turn? LIAM: Ja, that’s it. MATT: All right. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to take two more shots, I’m going to see if I can decapitate– MATT: Two more shots? TALIESIN: Oh man! I’ve got to get out of that habit. LAURA: Two more swings? TALIESIN: Two more swings, see if I can decapitate it. LAURA: Two more flourishes. TALIESIN: That’s an eight. MATT: Eight? Misses. TALIESIN: But a 16 does not. MATT: 16 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage. As the blade sinks into its shoulder and you see it carves in and jams halfway through the torso, the armor stopping it part way before it lodges in, and it leans forward. (growling) It’s still standing, and your blade’s stuck in the abdomen. LAURA: Renewed, undead strength. MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Molly. It’s going to take its first slam, swipe at you. Since you’re immediately in front of it. That’s a natural 20. I’m rolling some good 20s tonight. TRAVIS: What dice did you use? MATT: What other dice? Of course it’s the snitch. TRAVIS: (screaming) No, look what you did! Come back to bite you in the anus. TALIESIN: This is not looking good. This is looking very bad. MATT: 11 points of bludgeoning damage. TALIESIN: Oh my god. MATT: It clocks you across the side of the temple. You’re vision goes blurring for a second. You spit across the ground. You’re used to the sight of your own blood, but now it’s across the grass and dirt at your foot. You start to feel yourself get a bit woozy. It’s going to go ahead and spin around and strike you with its open claw with the other arm. TALIESIN: I swear I thought I could kill it. MATT: That’s going to be a 16 to hit? TALIESIN: That hits. SAM: Man down. TRAVIS: Come on, baby. MATT: That is nine points of bludgeoning damage. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, I’m out. TRAVIS: (laughing) Yeah, first one! MARISHA: Oh shit! Christ! TRAVIS: Write the history books. MATT: You guys watch as the first hit clocks Molly hard. The second one is this clawing uppercut. He goes backwards dropping one scimitar; the other one being left, stuck in the body of the undead guard. As it now glances back towards Beau to its right. That’s the end of Molly’s turn, and the zombie’s turn. Nott, you’re up. LAURA: Kill it, Nott! TRAVIS: You didn’t fall into the fire, right? MATT: No, he fell straight back. TRAVIS: Are you sure? MATT: If he rolled a one, we’d talk. TALIESIN: I think I’m immune to fire, anyways or some such thing. MATT: Fire resistance? TALIESIN: Yeah, fire resistance. TRAVIS: Because of your magical, technicolor dreamcoat? MATT: Nott, what do you got? You just watched Molly go down. TALIESIN: Out, but not dead. SAM: Seeing one of us die scares the shit out of me. MATT: Unconscious. SAM: No, dead forever. (laughter) TALIESIN: I’ve just started working on a new character tonight. Thank god. SAM: I start charging out at the beast. MATT: All right. SAM: I get about halfway. I fire my crossbow (wailing scream). Fire the crossbow. TRAVIS: So brave. SAM: That’s a natural 20. (cheering) LAURA: With sneak attack you double your dice. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) MATT: It doesn’t even matter the damage you deal. If the damage from a critical hit, it doesn’t get its undead fortitude. (cheering) SAM: I’m low to the ground so probably in the back of the calf or something. Before it falls, I’m going to turn and run into the tent. I don’t even know if I hit. (screaming) LIAM: That’s my girl. MATT: Molly, as you watch it turn around towards you, suddenly it lurches as a crossbow bolt shatters its kneecap from behind. Its other leg, which had been partially damaged from the process of getting up and combat that’s happened isn’t enough to keep it aloft. It tumbles back into the fire and immediately begins to burn as it begins to scream and squeal. See the flames begin to burn and engulf its body before eventually it comes to rest, no longer held by this undead magic that keeps it standing. Quiet falls over the encampment. TRAVIS: Nice. Molly. Well, next up, as this is now important, Jester it’s your turn. LAURA: I come running out of the tent. Say: Molly! Oh shit, oh no! Okay. I kneel down next to him and I’ll do Spare the Dying cantrip. SAM: It’s a cantrip? LAURA: Yes. It took someone going unconscious, guys. SAM: It’s designed for this moment. MATT: That being the case, you become stable. TALIESIN: (gasps) MATT: You’re not conscious yet, but you’re stable. You don’t have to make– LAURA: Can I try and do some medicine on him? Does that heal him at all? MATT: Do you have a healer’s kit? LAURA: I don’t think so. TRAVIS: She has desserts. LAURA: I have doughnuts, some paint supplies. MATT: Beau as you’re standing here, Molly is no longer bleeding out. He’s breathing and coughing in the unconsciousness from the pain. You watch as Jester is fiddling through her bag, pulling things out. MARISHA: You have a six pack of donuts, but you don’t have a healer’s kit in there? And you’re the cleric? I’m confused. LAURA: I’m the cleric? What is this? I’ve never traveled with a bunch of people that I thought would die in front of me, okay? I never needed a healer’s kit before. MARISHA: Well, congratulations, you’re the cleric now. LAURA: (gasps) You have a healer’s kit? Oh my gosh. I’ve always wanted one of these for so long. MARISHA: I’ll give it to her. Here, it’s a gift. Congratulations-on-you-being-in-a-new group gift. LAURA: Yes! How do I use this, though? SAM: Oh no, she’s not proficient. LAURA: I open it and rummage through a bunch of shit here. TRAVIS: No vanilla extract or sprinkles? MATT: I’ll say for the instance of this, since it’s not necessarily immediate danger of him dying off. Go ahead and make a medicine check. SAM: Use my dice that I gave you. LAURA: Should I? SAM: Yes. LAURA: What if I roll a one on it? SAM: That’s what I’m hoping for. SAM: That’s a strong four. LAURA: A nine? MATT: Okay, I’ll say– (sighs). He’s still unconscious. Given a little bit of time, he’ll come back to consciousness. Ten minutes or so. You can probably, eventually through the use of strong vapors or something you can bring him back from the brink. At this point the rest of the carnival currently within the vicinity begin to emerge from the tents seeing that the danger has passed. SAM: Is there any young girl in the tent with me? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Natural 20. MATT: You glance around the interior of the chamber which has a unique smell to the inside. You smelled it before, but it catches you very strongly now that there’s quiet and you’re not focused on anything else. A very faint smell of brimstone lingers within the tent, mingling with the wet grass. You look around and see no girl. LIAM: What does happen is Frumpkin scrabbles up your back and comes to your shoulder, and I’m watching everything from my hidey hole. MARISHA: I immediately drop down and start searching the guard. LAURA: Yeah, is any of their armor still usable? Because we can pretend we’re guards for some reason. MATT: The one that he cleaved, the armor is not functional at all. The other one, the last one to die, the armor is still functional. It is dented and beat up, but it’s still functional. There’s the slightly tarnished brass armor. Then there’s the red maroon color. It’s like a scale mail chestplate and armplates for it. It could be used but it’s still a big piece of armor. You’d have to lug it around or wear it. TRAVIS: We still look like Crownsguard. LAURA: Oh. MATT: You both do, currently. TRAVIS: Caleb and I. LIAM: We probably have a half hour at this point? MATT: About, yeah. LAURA: We should get out of here soon though because guards could be coming. TRAVIS: Did anybody see what happened or where that hellish toad went? LAURA: It jumped off that way. TRAVIS: You saw it? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: The Knot twins emerge like, “Where are the guards, the rest of them? Are more coming or is this all of them?” LAURA: There’s probably more coming, I would think. TRAVIS: We can’t be here. MATT: “Do you think we should run?” MARISHA: We should hide the evidence. TRAVIS: What? Where? MARISHA: I don’t know. LAURA: I don’t know who should run where. TALIESIN: (groans) LAURA: I have his head in my lap and I’m slapping his cheek consistently. MARISHA: Was there nothing useful on the guard? MATT: As you continue to search through, aside from the armor that seems functional, each of them have a basic longsword. TALIESIN: One of them has my sword embedded in their chest. MATT: Yes. Which can be pulled out. Between the two of them you can gather about six gold pieces and four silver pieces. LAURA: Ooh! TRAVIS: I don’t want to get these folk in any more trouble. How far is it from here to the lake? MATT: Glancing off to the side you can see the lake is maybe 400 to 500 feet north. TRAVIS: I say we could drag them and throw them into the lake to avoid suspicion on the carnival. We’ve got to get out of here. MARISHA: How well did the fire burn the other body? Did it do pretty well or– MATT: It’s pretty burned. The maroon robes on the one armor is damaged and can possibly be salvaged. The armor on the one that is burned can be used. The robes or the maroon cloth is burned away entirely. The armor looks like its been burned. It has blackened, charcoal edges to it. LIAM: Nott, you feel Frumpkin’s claws slowly and deliberately squeeze into your shoulder. SAM: That means I have to go. TRAVIS: Where’s Caleb? MARISHA: I thought he was with you. TRAVIS: He was. I look around for Caleb. MATT: Okay. If you’re right there, you’re not far from the tent. You head back and see he’s not on the outside of the tent. SAM: The smell of sulfur, I mean brimstone, do I figure that it’s probably the residual from the big toad guy or is there a substance in the room that is causing it? MATT: Make a religion check. SAM: A religion check? One. (laughter) MATT: You believe the little girl may have tooted before where she went to where she is. TRAVIS: That’s a devastating toot. SAM: I’m going to try and get out of the tent through the side. Like underneath the side and towards the horse. Yeah, back there. Looking for Caleb. MATT: You glance over and you don’t see Caleb. You do see Fjord is in the process of looking in the area. You walk up and Caleb is nowhere near the tent on the outside. You don’t know where he is. TRAVIS: Nott, have you seen Caleb? SAM: No, not yet. Is he okay? Did he live? Did everyone live? TRAVIS: You got his little cat right there on your shoulder. SAM: Oh yes I do, hi. Yeah, so he can’t be far. TRAVIS: We need to get out of here. We need to follow after that toad. SAM: Okay. There’s horses around here, let’s steal them. TRAVIS: That’s actually not a terrible idea. LAURA: Ooh good, we can put Molly on the back of the wagon. That way we can get him out of here. And the guards’ bodies, too! That way we can drop them off away from the carnival and people won’t think it’s related. MARISHA: Oh my god, you are so speaking my language. LAURA: I’m a very wise person. TRAVIS: That’s a great idea. Let’s do that. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Who wants to help me with the one totally charred body? LAURA: I’ll do it. I go pick him up and carry him. MATT: An impressive display of physical strength. The little, adorable tiefling, without an issue lifts the body out of the charred bits of burnt wood and charcoal. TRAVIS: Shit. Never would have known. MARISHA: I grab the other body and start dragging it or at least its torso. TRAVIS: I’ll help you. MATT: Ornna gives a hand and helps you. The Knot sisters look like they want to be absolved of this whole scenario and look like they’re about to flee at any moment. SAM: Might I point out real quick, up to this point we are fugitives who haven’t committed a crime. But starting now we will be fugitives who have committed crimes. Are we sure we want to do this? TRAVIS: I mean it’s either that or leave the carnival and take the fall for what is two dead crownsguard. SAM: All right, let’s go. But I have to find Caleb first. LIAM: Caleb gets over it and he comes out and starts helping push the bodies onto the– doesn’t say anything, but starts pushing bodies onto the back of the cart. TRAVIS: Where’d you go? LIAM: This is not my thing. I am not brave like Nott. Let’s get out of here, please. TRAVIS: You shot shit out of your hands. I don’t think you were not brave. That was really impressive. MARISHA: Wait, you were shooting shit out of your hands? TRAVIS: It was fire. It’s a figure of fucking speech. MARISHA: Oh. LIAM: I haven’t learned that one yet. Some day. LAURA: Somebody needs to grab Molly. He’s still over there. TRAVIS: Yeah, okay. We go back over there and we fucking grab Molly. I grab him by his horns. MATT: As you’re dragging Molly, Molly, your eyes lull open and you’re at one hit point. Come to consciousness. TALIESIN: I’m at one hit point? MATT: You’re being dragged. MARISHA: I start hooking up the horses. MATT: Okay. You’re hooking them all up to? MARISHA: Yeah, one is going to hook up to the wagon and I’ll– which wagon do we want to take? LAURA: The one with the two horses attached, yo. Can you see it? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: We’ll take that one. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: Unhook the other horse so we can steal that one, too. MATT: As you guys are doing this, the two Knot sisters talking to each other, look around, and they go running to the southeast. LAURA: They’re outies. MATT: They’re out. SAM: Should I shoot them? TALIESIN: They’re okay. TRAVIS: Is that single horse a mustang? LAURA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Really? TRAVIS: What? Can I ask a simple question? MARISHA: We better get $100,000 from Ford for that one. We better fucking get that. MATT: Sure. TRAVIS: It’s not a mare? I’m just checking. MATT: No, no it is. TRAVIS: I’m just very curious as to the sex of the horse, that’s all. MATT: Roll a perception check. TRAVIS: 12. No, 14. MATT: That is a mustang. LIAM: Is its name Roy? SAM: The white one? TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Are you going to name it Sally? TRAVIS: You’ll find out. (laughter) TALIESIN: I had that coming. LIAM: During all the busywork, I’m not saying anything, but I keep giving worried and stressed glances at my little friend. LAURA: Don’t worry, Caleb, I’m okay. MATT: You guys have the bodies loaded up, both the charred and the slashed one, onto the cart. TALIESIN: I’m going to pull my sword back out and start trying to get the horses going. LAURA: He’s alive! You’re awake! TALIESIN: That really hurt. LAURA: How do you feel? TALIESIN: I feel terrible. LAURA: I saved your life. You should be really grateful. TALIESIN: I can do that. I can do that. MARISHA: Molly, I appreciate you trying to rally the horses right now, but I really think you should rest. TALIESIN: No, I’m fine. I’m going to actually fall back into the cart. MARISHA: I take the reins. MATT: All right. Easy enough to find any sort of material if you wanted to cover the contents of the cart. You guys are ready to go. Ornna is standing there alone. “I think I should stay here.” LAURA: Are you sure? MATT: “What, and be a fugitive? I can explain what happened. Hopefully.” LAURA: What are you going to say to them? MATT: “Exactly what happened. The same thing that turned these guards ran off and you’re hoping to stop it.” LAURA: Don’t say that we were here. Don’t mention we were here. That’s pretty important, I think. Yeah? TRAVIS: You couldn’t see us in the low light, but they chased after whatever caused this. MATT: “Okay. I can do that. I can’t leave Gustav and Bosun in prison to take the fall for this.” LAURA: We’ll get them out of it. LIAM: Would you have the abilities to burn these things up the way we did? Are you capable? Could you have killed these things? Is that believable for people who know you? MATT: “I’m quite good with fire. That’s not entirely impossible.” MARISHA: Ornna, is there anything else that you can think of that could possibly help us? Like why this toad decided to freak out right now? Anything that comes to mind before we go chase after your mess. TRAVIS: Any previous episodes of this kind? MATT: “No. Never trusted anything that looked the way Kylre did. Everyone seemed to put a lot of trust in him. Gustav did. Toya did. I don’t know if this is still a misunderstanding, but–” She points over to where there’s splatters of blood in the middle of the grass. The leftover carnage from the battle. “Just get this figured out, please. This is all I have left.” She looks around the empty encampment. She stands amongst the four empty tents by herself. SAM: Toya’s gone, right? MATT: Toya’s gone. LAURA: What happened to her? Did it take Toya with it? LIAM: Yeah, she frogged out. TRAVIS: We’ll try and find some evidence that will exonerate you and we’ll return. LAURA: We need to find evidence to exonerate us. SAM: Sorry that we thought that you did it. Briefly. MATT: “It’s okay. It’s hard for some folks to trust carnival folk. Just as hard as it is for some folks to trust little green folk.” (laughter) TRAVIS: We should really get to stepping. LAURA: Let’s go. SAM: Saddle up. TRAVIS: Sure. MATT: You hop on your mustang. TRAVIS: I do. Shelby. MARISHA: Oh, god! TRAVIS: Just deliver it to the PO Box, that’s fine. TALIESIN: Everything that you’ve been holding back for years now is going to come pouring out of you. Okay. MATT: You have the cart and the horses at your disposal. What are you guys doing? TALIESIN: Trying to take as much of a short rest as I can back there. I’m going to try and sleep this off like a bad hangover. LIAM: I will attempt to do the same to do arcane recovery. MATT: Okay. The two of you saddle up on the back of the cart as it makes its way northward. SAM: Where are we going? TRAVIS: In the direction the toad leapt. LAURA: Are we really chasing the toad right now? Molly obviously did the most damage out of anyone and he’s almost dead right now. MARISHA: Maybe we can at least find him, stake him out, and then we’ll rest. LAURA: We are going to rest, right? We can’t just chase after a toad. We’ll die. TRAVIS: We might need to play it by ear. LAURA: Fjord, I’m trusting you. TRAVIS: If it’s too dangerous, we’ll stand down. How about that? LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Also I have a cat. LAURA: Yeah, it’s cute. LIAM: That’s not what I mean. If we catch up to them, my cat can follow and I can watch. TRAVIS: Yeah, you blanked out there for a second. LIAM: If we find them, then we assign Frumpkin to the case and I will lean against a tree. Nott will keep watch over me and we will know where it goes. SAM: We’re going with them, then? LAURA: Yeah, let’s follow the direction that the toad went. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Cats love toads. LAURA: I like it. It’s a good plan. This is definitely not going to backfire. Let’s go. (laughter) MATT: All right. The horses pick up and begin heading northward towards the Ustaloch. LAURA: When we get far away from the carnival, we should drop the guard bodies off. Push them out so it looks like they were on patrol when they turned into zombies. Far away from the carnival. MARISHA: We ran into those guards that were patrolling the lake– LAURA: Exactly! Like a lake patrol. MATT: It doesn’t take you too long to get to the southern edge of the Ustaloch. You can see the muddy lake bed that gives way to the water itself. Number of scattered stones in the muck and occasionally you hear the lapping of waves. The very subtle wind flowing through in the night. It’s about two in the morning. There’s some moonlight in the sky. It looks like a waxing moon. At least the one you can see because there are multiple moons. SAM: Wait, what? MATT: There’s two moons in Exandria. SAM: How did we never know that? MATT: That was established in the last campaign. TALIESIN: Like dogs, we never looked up. MATT: One of the moons is so faint– SAM: How many suns are there? MATT: There’s one. Anyway, there’s a faint bit of moonlight which gives you folks without darkvision a little bit of detail that you can make out in the vicinity. You come to the lake edge and there’s the water. TRAVIS: This is the best we can do for them. LAURA: Take them out of this wagon! MARISHA: Hang on, hang on. I want to look around. Do I see any guards? MATT: Perception check. MARISHA: Big dice, don’t fail! Natural 20! MATT: Okay. Couple things. One: you don’t see any guards, but you do see a few hundred feet to the west of you along the edge, you see a boat that is about a hundred feet out on the water. You see two figures that are in the boat. Possibly two fishermen or two guards, but you can’t really tell from this distance. There are two figures in a boat a little ways out on the water. From your current visual perspective, you don’t see the other end of the lake. It’s a pretty decent sized lake, but you can see the very faint bump of a landmass that breaks the horizon of the water. MARISHA: Like an island? MATT: Like an island, possibly. LAURA: Or a giant toad sitting in the water? TALIESIN: That would be a very big toad. MARISHA: It’s far away on the horizon, the little bump? MATT: Yeah, it breaks the water’s horizon from here. MARISHA: There’s two figures on a boat about a hundred yards out. LAURA: Can they see us? MARISHA: I don’t know. It’s hard to say. Do they seem distracted? Can I make anything else out? TRAVIS: Lamplight on the boat? MATT: There’s a faint bit of lantern light that’s the only reason you’re able to make them out at this distance, but that’s as much detail as you can make out. They’re a few hundred feet away from you. LAURA: If we can’t see them very clearly, they can’t see us very clearly. We don’t have a light on us. TRAVIS: We’re going to have to ditch this wagon anyway because we’ve got tracks. SAM: Just change the license plate. No? TRAVIS: Vanity plate? What does it say? SAM: “Back in time”? (laughter) MATT: Oh, man. So, what do you do? LAURA: Go up a little further away from the boat and then dump the bodies. SAM: It’s really shallow. Shouldn’t we weigh them down with something? LAURA: It’s not like we’re trying to hide the bodies. We’re saying they turned into zombies around here. Is that stupid? TRAVIS: No, they don’t have to go in the water, right? They’re burned. It’s not like they burned in the water. MATT: That would be very confusing. TRAVIS: It would. TALIESIN: The wagon tracks directly to the point at which they are found. TRAVIS: That’s what I just said. LAURA: Oh, coming from the carnival. TRAVIS: I wish I had something that could help Molly out. SAM: We could write a little note and put it in one of their pockets that says something like “I’ve discovered that Caleb and Nott are innocent and should be cleared of all charges”, or something like that. LAURA: That would definitely work. Will you add my name to that list? SAM: Sure. How do you spell Jester? LAURA: Like normal. SAM: Okay. MARISHA: Maybe we can dump them, backtrack with the cart, and drop the cart back off. TRAVIS: As we’ve been riding, have we seen any tracks that we think might have belonged to the toad? Since it was leaping in these huge arcs. MATT: Make a survival check. TRAVIS: Ugh, three. MATT: Even with your darkvision, it’s hard to make out too many details. There’s a lot of foot traffic along the banks of the river at different points in the day. There’s not a lot of light. You’re unable to pick up any tracks. LAURA: Maybe we dump the bodies and I’ll get out and try to make the tracks go away for a little bit. I’ll walk up the path and do like this. TRAVIS: Why? We could get rid of the wagon later. LAURA: Yeah, but the wagon will come from the carnival straight to the bodies. Isn’t that weird? LIAM: You’d have to erase the tracks all the way back to the– how far back are you willing to go? LAURA: Not that far. LIAM: What’s the plan here? Are we going to flee? LAURA: I think we have to go back to the inn, right? TRAVIS: Once the sun comes up– LIAM: I know. Everybody’s in deep shit. I understand the problem, but my question is are we cutting and running? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: No, I mean cutting and running. TRAVIS: No, no, we can’t just leave. LAURA: Oh, okay. LIAM: We do it all the time. LAURA: Well… TRAVIS: Let’s see if we can find the toad. If the sun starts to break, then we’ll make up our mind. LAURA: All right. Are we dumping these bodies or what? TRAVIS: Yes, kick them out. MATT: Okay, so you remove the bodies from the cart. Are you dumping them on the shoreline? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. (thud, thud) The two transformed guard corpses now lie there. One an ashy mess, the other in three pieces. Left along the bank of the water. LAURA: I get out and I start positioning them like maybe they were having a romantic tryst. LIAM: Those two burnt men? Yes. MATT: Okay. (laughs) MARISHA: I’m going to help Jester try and clear the tracks while she positions bodies. MATT: Make a survival check. MARISHA: (disgusted noise) Eight. MATT: All right. You guys– (laughter) TRAVIS: Anybody else want to look for some toad prints? LAURA: Do you want us to? SAM: We were going to go along the north way, right? TRAVIS: We’ve been doing that already. MARISHA: If we try and cover the wagon tracks as much as we can, then follow the embankment and try and ride the horses and the cart along the water, it’ll hide our tracks as we move northward. LAURA: Sure, let’s do that. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: Who are you? TRAVIS: That’s actually a great idea. TALIESIN: That’s really clever. Why would you even think that? LAURA: Oh, she’s all about shady shit. She does a lot of it. TALIESIN: Huh. MARISHA: You understand. TALIESIN: Maybe. I don’t know. I’ll think about it. LAURA: (singsong) Go to sleep, little tiefling. TALIESIN: Ow, that hurts. Ow. LIAM: Beauregard, are the people on the boat doing anything different? MATT: You glance back over and you can see the boat seems to have moved a little bit further away and has come up to the bank and looks like it’s hitting land. MARISHA: Towards us? MATT: No, a little bit further away and then has hit the land. The figures are currently taking things out of the boat. LAURA: They’re late night fishermen. MARISHA: I think they’re fishermen. Let’s keep moving. MATT: Okay, which direction are you moving? MARISHA: North. MATT: Well, north is into the water. Like you hit the water of the bottom of the lake. SAM: The toad went due north? Like straight into the water? MATT: That’s the direction it was traveling. LAURA: Can I look for toad tracks? MATT: Make a survival check, sure. TRAVIS: Come on, don’t roll Sam’s fucking dice. LAURA: I didn’t. MATT: Oh, Sam. TALIESIN: That was a lot. LAURA: That was a whole lot of rolls. Survival. 11. MATT: 11. It’s hard to really make out what tracks are what. You do see a few heavy impacts in the mud. Some of them looks like it could have been the bodies being rolled, but not too far from where you are, there’s one big smack in the mud. Like something heavy impacted. LAURA: Fjord! Come look at this! This is definitely toad tracks. TRAVIS: In the shape that it’s in, this print. Are their toes pointing in a specific direction? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Well, this will break my short rest. MATT: This will break your short rest. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: You can see the heavy impact has a few subtler imprints. There do appear to be two hands and two feet though the water has washed in and gotten rid of a lot of the details at this point. You can vaguely tell they appear to be facing towards the water. LAURA: That lump is the toad. SAM: Could be. TALIESIN: How many people in the boat? TRAVIS: Two. TALIESIN: How many people are we looking for? TRAVIS: One and a giant toad. TALIESIN: Didn’t he leave with a– TRAVIS: Girl. TALIESIN: Two people? MATT: Two people in the boat. MARISHA: Do these silhouettes look proportionate to each other? MATT: They look proportionate to each other. TRAVIS: Does one look like Gorilla Grodd and— MATT: They both look vaguely humanoid and regular. MARISHA: Which way did the fisherman go? MATT: They are a little bit to the west along the bank in the direction of the city. The city is northwest of you currently. If you were to continue around the lake– LIAM: Because the city is on the lake so we’re just around the edge of the lake. MATT: Exactly. MARISHA: I think we should keep heading away from the city, right? LIAM: It depends on what we’re going to do. SAM: If we’re chasing the toad it seems like we need to find a boat and go out into the water. LAURA: So we head towards that boat that hit land. SAM: Steal that boat? LAURA: If we go towards the toad we are going to fight the toad. SAM: Well no, we are just going to find the toad. You said this. We’re camping and waiting and resting. LIAM: The other thing we can do, but it will take some time, need about an hour. Frumpkin is a cat but Frumpkin does not need to be a cat. I could fly him over as well but I need time, I need about an hour. SAM: Or swim. TALIESIN: I’m actively tracking this creature, aren’t I on a certain level? MATT: I mean, if you want to. You haven’t yet decided to. TALIESIN: I hadn’t really thought about it. It’s something I can in theory do. LAURA: Because you used your blood on it? TALIESIN: No. This would also break my short rest, wouldn’t it? MATT: Actually, I’d say for the points of expediency, with the time it has taken you and have these discussion at the edge, it’s pushing 2:30 like 3:00 in the morning and both of you have finished the short rest. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Hunter’s Bane really quickly and look at the track for a second. MATT: You get your blood maledict and you can use your hit dice if you want. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going to do both of those. LIAM: I changed my mind, I believe I used arcane recovery during the day. So forget it. MATT: Yeah, it’s gone. SAM: You can hit dice it. LAURA: I bet you have a thing where you can click it on. TALIESIN: Now I’m at 12 hit points. MATT: That’s better, there you go. TRAVIS: 12? MATT: Better than one. TALIESIN: Yay 12 hit points. I’m going to see if I can help with the tracking because I’m going to start actively tracking this particular creature. MATT: Make a survival check. TALIESIN: Survival check? Which I have advantage on. MATT: You have advantage on it because it’s a feat. LIAM: If I have an hour to do some ritual casting, yeah. TALIESIN: 18. MATT: Looking at the imprint you follow back the direction of the carnival and you can see the path because it was a beeline toward the Ustaloch. The best you can tell because the water picks up there’s no trail to pick up in the water. Looking at the trajectory, it was very intently making its way towards the water either avoiding making any more tracks and making it difficult to follow. TALIESIN: Guy went into the water. LAURA: That’s what we figured. TALIESIN: Do you think he’s trying to swim all the way to the other side or you think he’s just going around the lake? TRAVIS: We’re not lucky enough to have any small boats along the shores that have been beached? MATT: Not near you. There’s the one that you saw the two fishermen are at right now. Then further into the city the docks, there’s plenty of boats that are tied up and locked. LIAM: At the level two– Oh sorry, go ahead. MARISHA: Go ahead. LIAM: It’s a rules question, you go for it. MARISHA: Even if we find this thing, if we rest camping out then we’re not at the tavern. TRAVIS: Yeah, we got like four hours until sunrise. SAM: Do any of us know what’s beyond? Like what’s on the other side of this lake? Is it a mountain? LAURA: Straight across. MATT: The other side of the lake, from what you know, because you were traveling southward towards it, there’s no major landmass on the other side of the lake. It’s just open field. You notice what looks to be some sort of a bulge in the landmass in the center. Too large to be the toad, but it does seem to break up the water horizon from that vantage point. LAURA: It could have gone to the island. MARISHA: I bet that’s exactly where it is. TRAVIS: How do we feel about the knowledge that it’s somewhere here in the lake, perhaps, or the other side? Circling back tomorrow? At least we’ll avoid suspicion if we’re at the inn. LAURA: Will you be able to keep tracking it? After you sleep? TALIESIN: I don’t know. I’m not sure. Maybe. Could be. MATT: It’s not like a mental tracking ability. It’s to be able to see details of the specific type of tracks. TALIESIN: I legitimately do not know how it works. Sorry. MATT: Just like any other tracking, you still need to have things to follow. You can read damage in the forest to see if something barreled through. You can follow tracks. You can see blood splatters. Any sort of thing that can give you an idea of where something went that is of those types of creatures. TALIESIN: Do I know what he was, by the way? LAURA: He was a fiend. MATT: With the knowledge of it being a fiend, go ahead and make a religion check. TALIESIN: And I get advantage on that. MATT: You do, actually. TALIESIN: Religion check? 15. MATT: 15? Now that they’ve mentioned a fiend, it seems familiar, but the most you can get is a memory that you don’t know where it came from, this memory of horrible toad-like demonic creatures that exist to the far east in Xhorhas. That’s as much as you can recall. But you’re definitely sitting here now with this memory that comes to mind, going, “This whole time! This whole time–” TALIESIN: This whole time I’ve been sitting with this. LIAM: Rules question. Caleb is too fucking poor to change Frumpkin’s shape willy-nilly because it’s ten gold pieces worth of charcoal, incense, and herbs, which I don’t have. So he’s a cat for the foreseeable future. SAM: Do you just need ten gold pieces? LIAM: I need incense, herbs, and charcoal. TALIESIN: Are you saying this out loud? LIAM: No, I’m just talking in my accent to you. TALIESIN: Listening to this, I reach in. I’ve got some incense. LIAM: Do you have charcoal? TRAVIS: I’m sure we can find some charcoal. TALIESIN: Isn’t this impressive enough that I happen to have some incense? LIAM: If we can get back into town somehow. SAM: We’re going to go shopping at three in the morning? MATT: Technically, elements of that guard’s body are charcoal now. MARISHA: That’s what I was going to say. Let’s go back and raid the fire. TALIESIN: There’d also be a fire inside the inn, to be fair. Charcoal is– it’s not like it’s hard to get. TRAVIS: And you two seem to be able to move freely, without suspicion. TALIESIN: That’s true, you can go shopping more. LIAM: I will. TALIESIN: Let’s go maintain the illusion of innocence for the evening. MARISHA: Should we walk the cart off? LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah! TRAVIS: And leave it outside town as we’re making our way back. Maybe give the horse a little spank on the ass and send it on its way. MARISHA: See where it goes. I like that. TRAVIS: Shall we? LAURA: It’s open 24 hours. LIAM: That random book about fiends has all the answers about the fiend we’re chasing. Let’s go get it. LAURA: Yeah. You should do that. TALIESIN: Xhorhas. It’s a creature from Xhorhas. I’m pretty sure, I don’t know. We’ll see. God, I’m remembering something. LAURA: Let’s go. TRAVIS: We head back. MARISHA: We go along the lake, then off to the edge, and then we’re going to give the horse a slap and send him off past– MATT: Okay, so the cart makes its way. The two fishermen you see are in the process of tying up nets and bags of things, and they just stop and watch you guys ride by, then go about the rest of their work. You continue with the cart, pulling it up toward the southern edge of where the Ustaloch meets Trostenwald, and you can abandon it there, or you said you wanted to send it somewhere? LAURA: I don’t think we would have taken the cart past the fishermen. Are we going to do that? TRAVIS: I thought we were going to head back to the village, to a good distance. LIAM: How much ground did we cover, I don’t know? MATT: So what are you doing? TRAVIS: We’re taking the cart back to a distance from the city. LIAM: Half a mile. TRAVIS: Yeah, and then letting the horses run, so the– sending the track off. MATT: I see. Okay. LAURA: I don’t think we would have gone right past the fishermen that would be able to identify us. MARISHA: Using the lake to hide tracks. MATT: Okay, so you guys head the opposite direction for a little ways after the field. All right. Who’s spooking the horses? LIAM: That’s your specialty. MARISHA: Whack with the stick. MATT: Make an animal handling check. TRAVIS: Please roll bad. If there is any justice in the world… MARISHA: It’s not great. Thanks, Travis. Thanks. Six. SAM: Six? To hit a horse? MARISHA: Correctly hit a horse! LAURA: The horse whimpers; you hurt a horse. MATT: What’s your armor class? MARISHA: 17. MATT: 17? As soon as you hit it, there’s a (whinny) and there’s a split-second where you watch its back leg muscle twitch, and you duck out of the way just as its back hooves (whoosh) past your face. TALIESIN: I’m going to walk over to the horses and– they’re trained horses. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: I’m going to go whisper in their ear and give them a little pat. MATT: Make an animal handling check. LAURA: You rolled shit, too! TALIESIN: Nine. TRAVIS: Horses are our new door! LIAM: Drops a couple of horse apples. TALIESIN: I didn’t get advantage on that because I knew the animals, did I? MATT: No. You knew the animals, but you weren’t the animal handler. LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy and I make the sound of like a predator behind them. MATT: Okay. I’ll give you an animal handling check with advantage, because it’s fun. TALIESIN: I’m into this. LAURA: Okay, 13! MATT: 13! It’s above a ten, guys! Awesome! ALL: (chanting) Level two! TALIESIN: This is Romper Room! MATT: Yeah, I know! With a crack, and a heavy echoing snarling sound in the vicinity, both horses kick up and go into a full gallop sprint away from the direction of you, the cart being dragged behind it. They continue to go into the shadow. You don’t know how long they’re going to go. LIAM: I cast Thaumaturgy! (quacks) MATT: By the time you guys make it back to the inn– LAURA: Those ducks are scary! MATT: Are you guys being careful, or are you just walking back? LAURA: We’re being careful. MATT: I’d like you all to roll a stealth check, please. TRAVIS: I’m going to use Mask of Many Faces to make myself look old. TALIESIN: Natural 20. SAM: What was that? I don’t even know what that was. TALIESIN: Look at all that stuff! LAURA: I’m going to– Does anybody have shitty stealth? TALIESIN: I can’t even see myself with this roll. LIAM: I do, but I rolled 12. LAURA: Well okay, I was going to give anybody advantage, but here you go. SAM: Thank you. LAURA: Wow, that was bad. LIAM: You have advantage, right? Roll again! SAM: I already rolled once. TRAVIS: 18, but I’m also– LIAM: 16. MARISHA: 17. LAURA: 18. TALIESIN: Technically, my stealth would be 23. SAM: 11. MATT: All right, that’s fine. You manage to make it to the Nestled Nook Inn without any prying eyes seeing too deeply into your movement. You get back to your rooms as the very faint distant change of black night begins to turn to the faintest of blue of morning curling over. You guys go to your respective rooms, and you take a rest? LAURA: We should go to sleep. LIAM: I’m going to dig some charcoal out of the remains of the fire in the common room and then go to bed. MATT: Okay. The owner watches you do that and she’s just, “Whatever.” LIAM: Don’t thank me. Lovely inn. Good night. MATT: “Don’t get anything else dirty!” LIAM: Just going to draw some dicks! MATT: You guys complete a long rest. TRAVIS: We made it! SAM: One day down. Two days down! LAURA: Do we reset our max hit points when we take a long rest? MATT: Your max hit points? I mean, your max hit points are your max hit points. TALIESIN: When you hit ‘long rest’, it should auto-reset. SAM: With D&D Beyond, it does the work for you. LIAM: Wait, is there a rest button? SAM: There is, there are two rest buttons, Liam. LIAM: Where are they? SAM: They’re down towards the bottom, short rest or long rest. LIAM: Whoa! LAURA: I fell asleep in my sketchbook, halfway through my drawing of the two zombie guards making out. SAM: Gross. Were they dead? LAURA: They’re zombies, so yeah! TALIESIN: Slightly hotter, okay. LAURA: One arm is like off to the side. TALIESIN: Way hotter. MATT: With full rests completed, consciousness comes to on the outside of Jester’s room with the heavy sound of (knocking). MARISHA: Jester! LAURA: Is that our door? MARISHA: I think so. LAURA: Hold on, I’m naked! MARISHA: Yeah, hold on, she’s naked! Do you want to get it? Or should I get it? LAURA: I’ll get it! MARISHA: Maybe I should get it. LAURA: No, I get up, I get it. Hello! MATT: You open the door. The same two crownsguard that had come the day before. LAURA: Did you come back to play some games? MATT: “No. We came to tell you that you’ll be needed for the investigation and questioning "within the next three hours to arrive at the behest of the Lawmaster at the stockade.” MARISHA: Why didn’t you just come and get us when you were ready for us? LAURA: Well, you know, we might want to brush our teeth. MARISHA: Does that take you three hours? LAURA: No. Now we have time to– MATT: “We’ll be back in three hours.” LAURA: Okay. I’ll see you soon! I miss you already! MATT: (door creaking) Habit of creeping out guards, I like this. The rest of you come to consciousness. You’re rested. At this point in time, it’s past noon. It’s about two in the afternoon. TRAVIS: No knock on our door, only you two. MATT: Well, no. It’s these two currently, for the moment. Then– (knocking). TRAVIS: Your jury summons is (groans). MATT: Just finishing up with them. LAURA: It’s two o'clock in the afternoon, you said? When we woke up?! MATT: Yes. LIAM: We got back in the middle of the night. No real job here. TRAVIS: I’ll open the door. MATT: Two guards are there. TRAVIS: Yes? MATT: “Sorry to disturb, the investigation will require you in about three hours.” TRAVIS: I just shut the door. MARISHA: Love it! It’s my favorite. I was waiting for it. MATT: All right, so. What are you guys doing? SAM: Go down for breakfast? LIAM: I go down. It’s Yorda who runs the place? MATT: Correct. LIAM: I find Yorda. Excuse me, a question about the town. MATT: She’s right in the middle of pouring a drink, she’s like, “Right! What do you need?” LIAM: Is there a pawn shop anywhere in this city? MATT: “If you’re looking for strange wares in general, then your best look would be Burnished Bibelots.” LIAM: Thank you. MATT: “You might be able to talk to, let’s see here– Lochward General might be interested in "buying a few things.” LIAM: Wockwurt? MATT: Lochward General. LIAM: Lochward’s General, of course. Excuse me. That’s in the Lochward, then? MATT: Aye, it’s about three blocks up north. LIAM: Only been here two days. Okay, you are down here? SAM: I’m always with you. LIAM: Yeah, okay. That flask. SAM: Yes? You saw that? LIAM: Yes, I did see it. SAM: Sorry! LIAM: No, I’m not sorry at all, but I have a big favor to ask you. That’s very valuable what you have there. Do you know that is made of platinum? SAM: Would I know that it’s made of platinum, just from glancing at it and feeling it? MATT: It looks very pretty. Make an intelligence check. SAM: Not great. Just an intelligence check? MATT: Yes, just your modifier. SAM: Eight. MATT: It’s very shiny. LIAM: Let me explain it to you. That little bottle is worth a great deal. It can buy you many full bottles. SAM: I don’t want to get rid of it. LIAM: Would you like to trade that for many bottles of booze? Many. SAM: That is a tough decision. But this is the only one I have! I only have one flask. LIAM: We could buy you another flask that can hold whiskey just as well as that one. Here’s the thing, you know that I was very interested in those books. We came here for books and booze. You’ve gotten a little booze, but we can get a lot and those books are expensive and I know that we can get enough money for it and I really don’t feel like pushing our luck with the law here in town and pulling a fast one again. SAM: Oh, but it’s so pretty. How about this for a counteroffer: how much are the books? LIAM: They were worth a total of 13 gold. SAM: Here! LIAM: Did she just hand me 13 gold? MATT: Yes. SAM: I like this better. (laughter) LIAM: I take her by the head and I rustle our heads together. SAM: Stop! LIAM: That’s a good deal. I leave to find that place. SAM: I come with him. LIAM: Oh, you’re coming too? What a good day this is! All right, let’s go shopping! MATT: All right, you guys make your way to Burnished Bibelots. It is open, though there is nobody currently inside the interior. As you go to the door, it opens up and you see the same cluttered mess of the inside. There across the way you see the tiny gnome gentleman who’s up on top of his desk, his legs folded over each other. He’s looking through a book right now, as he’s thumbing through, “Hello!” LIAM: Hello there, my friend! Just as I said, I’ve returned. I have what we agreed on. 13 gold for these two books that we discussed. MATT: “Yes! Okay. Good! I have them held right here!” He reaches back and then has to arrange himself again. TRAVIS: And dies. LIAM: Free books! MARISHA: The best day ever! MATT: Eventually he crawls off the top of the desk, gets down there, puts the two books on the top. “Wonderful doing business with you!” Slides them forward to you, counts– LIAM: These are the same two books? As yesterday? MATT: “Those are the ones you told me to hold for you, yes.” LIAM: Oh, I was asking Matthew, these are the same two books? MATT: Yes they are. LIAM: Oh good! Excellent! SAM: Your accent is confusing. LAURA: I know, it’s confusing when you speak with the accent all the time! LIAM: I never stopped with the British either last time, so I’m never going to stop. Oh, I’m so happy, and I’m saying this out loud as Caleb. Good day to you! SAM: Sure you don’t want to– LIAM: I scoop up Nott and I just start dancing down the street with her up onto my shoulders! SAM: Sure you don’t want stay here and shop around some more? Okay! LIAM: No! We have plans to make with our new friends! Let’s go get some breakfast! SAM: Okay, but I could’ve perused some of the aisles and it’s a long– okay! LIAM: Nope! We’re away! TRAVIS: No hands in your pockets order. MATT: You guys make your way back as the rest of you have come to consciousness and you head down to the tavern. LAURA: Cool. Why are you guys so happy? LIAM: Good shopping run. Where did you get 13 gold? SAM: I’ve always had it, you never asked for any. LIAM: Good to know. I don’t need to know anything more, I’m just happy that you have it. I’m thankful. SAM: I collect things. Among them are pieces of gold. I have more. LIAM: I just squeeze the cheeks, and I look at my books! SAM: Ooh! You made my cheeks all green! MATT: So it’ll take you a few hours to go through those books. LIAM: Yes. I will start on the one about fiends because it is topical! MATT: You begin to read through it. In the tavern at the table, or do you want to read in your room? Up to you. LIAM: No I’m going to read here. Good focus! LAURA: Can I look at one of your books? LIAM: Yeah, go away. LAURA: Is that a yes? You said yes. LIAM: I shove the book deep into my belt near my dick so she doesn’t want to go near it! LAURA: I’m not afraid of dicks. MARISHA: She’s not your sister anymore. LIAM: Good point. Hey now. SAM: He gets like this when he’s studying. He gets very focused, it’s best not to disturb him. MATT: It’s an interesting book. It talks about different forms of fiends and demons and the hierarchy of the Nine Hells. It talks about myths and stories of devils and demons interfering with the lives of mortals. A lot of it is fables, a lot of it is warnings and things that parents would tell to keep their children from wandering in the darkness. But it does have little tidbits of information about different types, and they talk about horned devils, and they talk about the great and terrible balor and pit fiend, and it seems to be a jumble between both demons and devils. LAURA: Can I look over his shoulder the whole time he’s reading it? MATT: Sure, if he lets you. LIAM: I do not let her. I am in a corner. TRAVIS: And it’s about 2:30 to 3:00? MATT: Right now, it’s about three. TRAVIS: In the next couple hours they said they would call for us. MATT: Yes. SAM: Should we go look for the toad? TRAVIS: I was going to say, did they come to your room as well? LAURA: Yeah. In a couple hours. MARISHA: Should we talk about what we’re going to say to them? Do we need to corroborate our stories? TRAVIS: I mean, we tell the truth, we did nothing wrong. LAURA: That’s right, we were in this inn the whole time. MARISHA: That’s true. Yeah. TRAVIS: I was thinking that if we get out of there tonight, fingers crossed, we should probably think about acquiring some sort of vessel to explore the lake tonight. LAURA: We can definitely steal a boat. MARISHA: We know where a good fisherman’s boat is. TRAVIS: Or I may be able to arrange free passage on a vessel. MARISHA: What, how? TRAVIS: I have a little knack with, you know. LAURA: He was a sailor! That’s how I met him! TRAVIS: Well, for a bit. MARISHA: Wow, that’s pretty cool. LIAM: How long was that for? TRAVIS: Few years. LAURA: As soon as Caleb looks up, I look in his book. What is your book about? LIAM: Oh, this is about grumpkins and periwinkles. LAURA: (gasps) Those are my favorite! LIAM: What is a periwinkle? LAURA: Are there drawings of them? LIAM: Occasional drawings. There’s no penises drawn in this book so I don’t think you’d be interested. TALIESIN: Any toad creatures? MATT: You do find one interesting tidbit of information that piques your interest. SAM: Ooh, he has it written down? On a thing? TALIESIN: Oh, the first piece of paper of the game! MARISHA: What’s it say? MATT: If he decides he wants to share, it’s up to him. LIAM: Leave me alone, I’m reading. MARISHA: Caleb, we’re bored! Tell us a story! LIAM: I need 20 actual seconds to see what the piece of paper says! TALIESIN: Have you read it now? What’s it say? SAM: So Fjord, you’re very acquainted with seamen then? Having been on the water for so long? TRAVIS: Sure am! Yep. MARISHA: Have you heard that joke a lot? TRAVIS: I have. It gets funnier every time, though, I got to say. It’s all in the delivery. LAURA: He laughed at it the first 20 times I said it to him. MARISHA: So wait, do you seamen have cloisters in Trostenwald? SAM: Are there clusters of seamen around you at all times? TRAVIS: Is it too early in the campaign to walk away? And I fucking saunter away. SAM: And I saunter away. I mosy away. (laughter) MATT: As Fjord slowly walks away from the table, not engaging with your comedic advances. LIAM: Do I remember people talking about nightmares from the past couple of days? Not Liam, but Caleb? MATT: No, you didn’t inquire or question. LIAM: Okay, and I didn’t overhear, okay. LAURA: What does it say? LIAM: I mean, it’s chock-a-block with a lot of things, most of it probably untrue and stories to scare your children, but there is some sort of demon that is described as being fat and rotund, and it talks about– I mean, this is too coincidental, it can’t be the thing that we’re– what are the odds of something being in this book, and it’s what we’re chasing today? But this is describing some sort of scaled demon that feeds on people in the night, when they’re sleeping, and it leaves corrupted, undead corpses behind, known as husks. LAURA: That is what they look like. They look like husks! MARISHA: They did look like husks. TRAVIS: And we didn’t see anybody it fed on. LIAM: Does this book– is it of this town, or? MATT: Oh no, it’s a general book about– LIAM: General book, could be anywhere. MATT: Anywhere, anything, it doesn’t even mention locations. It’s just, “This is some lore about "devils and demons!” TALIESIN: Kylre’s been around for a while, though! And this is new, right? I feel like– Was there nothing? TRAVIS: How well did you know Kylre? TALIESIN: I mean, not that well. Of everybody, the least. LIAM: You haven’t heard the word nergaliid? TALIESIN: That’s a– MATT: As soon as he says that, it triggers something in your brain, and that thought you had the other night clicks. Like, that’s what it was that was escaping you. Nergaliid. TALIESIN: I have heard that word before. LIAM: Because that’s what I’m talking about here. TALIESIN: Oh dear. Oh, why can’t I remember? It was so long ago. MARISHA: Okay, so what was Mr. Frogman’s diet? TRAVIS: Yeah, what did he feast on? TALIESIN: What did he eat? MATT: He ate what was given to him. TALIESIN: He ate what we had! MATT: He seemed like a lizard man, from what you knew and experienced. He thought it was fine. There was no draw to it. LAURA: You never noticed him eating people before? TALIESIN: I feel like I would’ve taken note of it. I don’t necessarily know I would’ve commented on it, but I would’ve noted it. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: And it was not noted. LIAM: Once again, I have no idea if this is the creature that we’re in pursuit of, but this talks about it not eating food, but siphoning the life off of mortal creatures, but not to the point of death or harming them. They might not even notice that it’s happening. TALIESIN: Oh no. LAURA: (gasps) That’s what was happening to Toya. Maybe all of you. LIAM: It says that this thing has two types of feeding: one is slow and unnoticeable, maybe, and one is quick with much pain and anguish. LAURA: Does it say anything about it hiding in water? LIAM: No. LAURA: Does it say anything about it liking the sound of song? LIAM: It does not. LAURA: Is it related at all to the periwinkles you were talking about before? TALIESIN: It’s not possible he’s trying to head back to Xhorhas, is it? I said out loud. TRAVIS: I think we saw both the fast and the slow feeding methods. TALIESIN: Kylre was not a talker. LAURA: Does it say how to kill it? TRAVIS: Yeah, weaknesses? Vulnerabilities? TALIESIN: Stabbing? LAURA: Well, most fiends are weak to holy damage, right? MATT: Make a religion check. TALIESIN: Can I also do this? I’m thinking about everything I hear. MATT: Sure, I’ll let you roll for it. SAM: They have a vulnerability to poppyseed muffins. TALIESIN: Nine. LAURA: 14. MATT: You don’t get the idea that most devils or demons have a vulnerability to radiant or holy damage. Some might, some don’t, but you’re unable to take a bead on this. The book you have is informative from an encyclopedia standpoint. It’s sort of storytelling and an informative thing, but it’s not a catalog about all the aspects and details of each creature. LIAM: Right, it’s a kid’s Encyclopedia Britannica, and scanning through, I saw one thing that popped out. MATT: Yeah, you were like, wait. LIAM: May I ask with my intelligence score of 18 and the Keen Mind feat, could we say that Caleb is a speed reader? MATT: In comparison to some, maybe. You’re not Johnny Five-style, I know kung-fu. LIAM: Believably, not magic. MATT: Yeah, you can read pretty quick, let’s say. You spend a lot of time by yourself reading. LAURA: “Reading.” LIAM: Good times. TRAVIS: In the bathroom. TALIESIN: Clusters of semen all around you. LIAM: It was still funny when it was just implied. You can paint it across the wall. TALIESIN: Always funny. Always. LIAM: We’re talking about masturbation. SAM: Jerking off. (laughter) LIAM: Would you say that Caleb is a speed-beater? SAM: Roll for spanking. MATT: From the window to the wall. (laughter and groaning) MATT: As you guys are having this discussion, the two guards that had come in earlier come through the main door earlier than the three hours you had anticipated with another guard in tow. As they rush in they glance around the room and see you and make a beeline to your table in a very huffed bit of energy. They say, “You are absolved of meeting this afternoon. We’ll pick this up "tomorrow.” LAURA: What’s going on? TALIESIN: Wait, what? MATT: “There have been a series of murders within the Crownsguard that we are investigating as well. "This will be part of the investigation tomorrow, you are not to leave this inn.” LAURA: But we could help. Obviously, we had nothing to do with it if people are hurt outside and we were here the whole time. MARISHA: How are we absolved yet we still have to be locked in this inn? MATT: “You are absolved of it today. We’re still going to come by tomorrow and have you questioned. "We’ve arrested Ornna and we have members of the carnival that have fled that we’re currently "seeking at the moment.” MARISHA: You should pick better words next time that are slightly more clear. MATT: “We’ll return tomorrow.” They leave in a frustrated huff. TRAVIS: Well, our day just got freed up. SAM: But they still said we couldn’t leave. TALIESIN: You could read that other book, at the very least. LIAM: I could. I could also– here’s the thing about my cat. He’s a cat, definitely a cat, but is also a fey creature. If I have an hour, he doesn’t have to be a cat. He can temporarily be a bird. LAURA: How much did you say it costs, though? LIAM: Well, I have a lot of charcoal now, and you said you have incense on you? TALIESIN: I go into my bag and I’ve got some old, weird– I’ve got a weird little– MATT: You’ve got about eight silvers worth of incense, and that’s a lot. TALIESIN: It’s in a very strange, ornate bag that’s covered in strange gems and weird filigree. SAM: Does Molly always smell of patchouli? TALIESIN: Sandalwood. It’s nag champa all over. MATT: It’s masking the faint scent of horse dung. SAM: What else do you need? LIAM: Let it all out. Go for it. Don’t hold back. TRAVIS: Are you sure you want to do this, with your cat? LIAM: Yes. I prefer him as a cat, to be honest, but in a pinch. TRAVIS: Anything else besides a bird? I mean, any kind of creature? LIAM: Well, not any kind of creature, but I’ve made him an octopus once. There was this one time when Nott was very high up in a burning building and we had no way to get her down. SAM: I jumped on to the octopus and it served as some sort of a landing pad. It killed the octopus, but I lived. LAURA: Octopuses are very smart. LIAM: I think it’s octopi. LAURA: I didn’t say I was very smart. TALIESIN: Enough about the pastries already. TRAVIS: It can be killed is an important thing to know. I only mean, if it’s important to you, in a moment of danger I would try to save it, but if that’s not important. LIAM: It can be pricey to keep bringing him back and all that, but he– no, you can’t kill him. TRAVIS: Fair enough. That’s very impressive. SAM: I’ve tried. LIAM: She’s eaten him twice. SAM: I was very hungry. LIAM: I will need about an hour of time; I’ll probably head upstairs. Do you have a pot I could borrow? MATT: Yorda is currently in the process of sitting down and checking something underneath the bar and goes, “I’m sorry, what was that?” LIAM: I was hoping you had an iron pot I could borrow for– never mind, I’ll use the piss pot. I’ll borrow this. TALIESIN: Yes, of course. LIAM: Is this enough to jury-rig? MATT: How much is the– LIAM: It’s ten gold. MATT: No, you’re going to need to go out and buy some. LIAM: That’s why I asked. SAM: Buy some, what, incense? LIAM: Okay, this is a joke. I need to actually go to the incense store. LAURA: Get ten gold worth of incense? LIAM: Charcoal and incense, yeah. For this plan to work. MATT: There is the remedy store that you’ve seen before, and that would be the place to have incense and/or herbal type. SAM: I’ve been to one of these places, it’s called Natural Remedies. Herbs and medicinal things. It’s up the street a bit. LIAM: Do you have ten gold? SAM: Maybe. TRAVIS: I have ten gold. LAURA: You’re going through gold very quickly. SAM: Or I could sneak in and grab it for you. LAURA: I could help you. SAM: That sounds fun. LIAM: We’re still in trouble with the law. I don’t want to push that. If we have the gold, that’s the safest path. TALIESIN: I’m in for a penny. I’m going to throw a gold in there as well. MATT: All right, so you have ten gold between you: nine from Fjord, and one from Molly. LAURA: Okay, I’ll put one in, then you have only eight. MATT: Okay, so eight off. All right, you have the gold. We’ll say for the purposes of expediency, it’s easy enough to go and purchase the necessary incense and it’s quite a bit. For the purposes of this ritual, which you’ve done before, it’s quite a cluster you have to assemble for this. The chalk’s amassed, the other materials you need for it. TALIESIN: I just saw Jester open her purse. Dear–! LIAM: Brain wipe. I’m going to go up to my room and it takes me an hour to do this. An hour and ten minutes to be exact. I put the– TALIESIN: The ten minutes is clean-up. (laughter) LIAM: Look at the dungeon master. Is that maybe the longest facepalm? MATT: I don’t know, you guys have made me facepalm pretty long before. LIAM: I go upstairs to cast “Find Familiar”. MARISHA: Oh, you found him! MATT: What form? LIAM: A sparrow. MATT: As you finish the concentration, the cat form shimmers and condenses into this tiny little cluster of coal before it sprouts wings and you glance on your shoulder. (whistles) LIAM: I’m sorry, I know this is not your preferred form, but it is only temporary until I get ten more gold. Let’s go down and get some breakfast. MATT: You guys, after waiting patiently and talking amongst yourselves, Caleb reemerges with a tiny sparrow. LIAM: There he is. He lands on Molly’s horn. LAURA: Damn it. Right here? LIAM: On his horn, yes. TALIESIN: Go ahead. LAURA: This is the lumpiest little bird I’ve ever seen. MARISHA: Is his name still Frumpkin, it’s just a bird now? LIAM: Always Frumpkin, yeah. TALIESIN: He’s a little feathery Frumpkin. LIAM: He flits over to Jester’s horn. Takes a dump. LAURA: I feel so special and blessed, you guys. TALIESIN: You look like a princess. LAURA: Thank you. LIAM: He stays there for the time being. Is this what we’re doing? I can’t go anywhere, I’m going to be blind and deaf, I have to stay still and safe. Try not hit me in the head with too many things. It’ll take a while, but he will go off. TRAVIS: Well, if you’d like, you could stay at the inn, or we could acquire that boat and once you’re on board we could send it out as a sort of a recon. LIAM: That’s true as well. SAM: Do sparrows see in the dark? They’re daytime birds. TRAVIS: It is daytime right now, it would require us leaving now. SAM: We should do this quickly before the light goes away, right? TALIESIN: Well, if we can send the sparrow out, we can carry him with us if he finds anything. LIAM: I could have done a bat, but it’s too late for that now. TRAVIS: A what? LIAM: A bat. TRAVIS: We should take advantage of the daytime. Out the windows as we did before? TALIESIN: Let’s let the sparrow see if it can find anything. Then we know which direction we have to head into so there’s not too much meandering about. MARISHA: Yeah, can we hunker down here while– TALIESIN: Until there’s a direction to go. TRAVIS: Perhaps we should go upstairs– MATT: You can only see through Frumpkin’s eyes for up to a 100-foot radius. LIAM: I thought we talked about this. You told me– and if you need to change it, change it– But that I can only control him telepathically up to 100 feet, but could continue to see. MATT: Let me double-check. LIAM: I’m happy whatever your ruling is, but that’s how we’ve done it. MATT: I have to recall the specifics, I may have confused– TRAVIS: If that’s the case, we’ll get the boat. If not, we’ll let drone sparrow activate. LIAM: That’s what I based this whole plan on. LAURA: Do we have to get in disguise again in order to leave? TRAVIS: We could try to go out the side of the windows. It is daytime. LIAM: The wording was a little squirrely. MATT: The wording is a little squirrely. Yeah, you cannot communicate with it telepathically, but you could technically still see through its eyes, I suppose. LIAM: So I can give him the command up close to go, but if anything happens I can’t improvise with him. He does what the command is. MATT: Right. What’s the command? LIAM: To fly north to the island and circle it a few times to see what we can see and come back. MATT: All right. As you go up to the window and release Frumpkin– TRAVIS: Can we say we’re doing this from one of our rooms? LIAM: We gather in Fjord and Molly’s room. MATT: It’s curious, when Caleb is focusing, the pupils go to a very faint sky blue. You see flickering in them, though you cannot make any imagery out of it, it’s just the strange movement within the pupil. TRAVIS: Yep, there’s that bullshit again. LAURA: He can’t communicate with us when he’s like this? TRAVIS: He talks. He will talk to you out of the fucking blue. LAURA: Can he feel if we touch him? I poke him in the forehead. LIAM: Ow. LAURA: Oh, okay. LIAM: Don’t do that, please, I’m trying to concentrate. LAURA: Can he tell who did it? SAM: No, he can’t see you. LAURA: That’s wonderful. SAM: But I will tell him later when he asks. LAURA: Well, okay, but he won’t know now. MATT: As you concentrate, the bird’s-eye view of Trostenwald– Frumpkin carries up high into the air. For the large lake that it is, you can see two smaller land masses in the center of the lake. Technically not north from where you are now, since you’re back in the city, it’s more of a northeastern direction. They’re both relatively small, one’s maybe a few hundred feet across, another one is maybe 50 feet across. It’s a smaller mass. Watching as it coasts downward and does a pass over the larger one, make a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: That is a six plus very little or nothing, so you can guesstimate. MATT: There is a faint treeline on this island. The island has a few small trees, which is mainly what you had seen during the night when you looked out over the water, Beauregard. The land mass was actually the very top of this tree line. It’s a small grove that has clustered there on the center of this island. Unable to make out any other details other than the tops of these trees and there’s a few spots in between where you can see overgrown grass and general ground, rock. LIAM: This is the bigger one? MATT: The bigger one, yeah. Make a perception check for the smaller one. LIAM: Worse. Five. MATT: The other one has maybe five or six trees on it, but most of them appear to have either died or be standing alone on this small mass. That one looks pretty barren. Even with as bad of a look as that was, it doesn’t look like there’s anything visible on that land mass. LIAM: Does it look balder than the other? MATT: It does. LIAM: Okay. MATT: The larger one has much more of a cluster, a grove. LIAM: Last question, I can probably tell how far apart these two islands are, yeah? MATT: Yeah, they’re roughly 600 feet apart from each other. LIAM: 600, okay. SAM: We’re all sitting around in this room, watching him watch TV, essentially. MATT: Yes, basically. SAM: While this is going on, can I whip out my little chemistry kit and start putting together some chemical stuff? MATT: Sure, what would you like to make? SAM: Acid. MATT: Okay. It requires half a day to make that. SAM: I’ll start it, then. MATT: Okay. SAM: Get in an hour of work. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: While she’s doing that, I’m going to take my staff and repair where it cracked. MATT: That’s easy enough. LAURA: I’m going to braid Caleb’s hair. MATT: Okay. LIAM: I feel that. LAURA: I know. LIAM: And it feels good. SAM: We talking just one braid? French braid? LAURA: Like a few little braids, because his hair is not super long. Maybe one here, one here, and one down here. LIAM: You can’t make me Vax again, it won’t work. MATT: Make an intelligence check, adding your proficiency modifier. SAM: One. (laughter) TRAVIS: You kill us all. TALIESIN: Play-Doh, we’ve got Play-Doh. MATT: For the supplies that you’ve spent– You’ve used your one set of acid supplies you had on you, so you’ll have to buy more to make it again. As you begin to make it, it becomes caustic and begins to melt through part of your glove. You immediately freak out, you drop it, and it hits the wood. Splatters a bit and begins to melt through the wood. SAM: Sorry. I didn’t mean to, I was– LAURA: (gasps) Now we can spy on the people below us. SAM: It didn’t go through the entire floor, I don’t think. TALIESIN: Well, we’re not going to get our deposit back. SAM: We’ll move the nightstand over a little to cover it up. No one will see. MARISHA: Is it slowly eating through the wood? MATT: It is still slowly eating through the wood. SAM: I pour some water on it. MARISHA: Oh no. TALIESIN: That makes it worse. SAM: Oh no. MATT: Eventually Frumpkin begins to return, having done Frumpkin’s full watch. LIAM: When I see that he’s halfway back, I come out of it. MATT: You come out of it and the first thing you see is all of them gathered around this hole in the wood. LIAM: What are you doing? SAM: I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Caleb. LIAM: I plant my hands on the sides of the wood and start transmuting it to iron. LAURA: Iron? That’s not noticeable. MATT: As you concentrate, the area and the wood around where that hole is all of a sudden begins to turn darker and more solid. While the texture remains of wood, suddenly it has the appearance of a dull reddish-brown metal. SAM: Thank you. We’ll mop it up with some towels and whatnot while it’s still iron. LIAM: Hopefully it will dry. TRAVIS: That is a hell of a talent you have. TALIESIN: It’s pretty fancy. MARISHA: Is that what you did with the coin? Is this the coin trick? SAM: No, the coin was magic. It was a magic pot that we sold you. LAURA: Oh man, I’ve been concentrating on skinky-doodles all day. SAM: That is your power word. LAURA: Man. All right. SAM: Sorry. LAURA: It’s fine. MARISHA and SAM: Sorry. LIAM: But it brought us closer together. SAM: Would you like back the two copper pieces you gave me for the pot? LAURA: No, you keep it. I’m a very generous person. TRAVIS: Can we ask what you saw? LIAM: Of course, sorry. Acid. Wood. There are two islands out there, a bigger one– they’re not close– and a smaller one. One is bald-ish, a couple of trees, but I couldn’t see too well on either of them. The bigger one is dense with trees. I didn’t see them. LAURA: Did you have it fly down closer so you could see better? LIAM: I thought that he would be able to see from the air, and I thought that would be safer, so no, I’m sorry. TRAVIS: Was it busy water, was there lots of ships out? LIAM: I would have seen that. MATT: There are some fishing vessels out there, and there are a number of them that are still at the docks. TRAVIS: It’s not a lull for any reason? MATT: No. LIAM: It’s not fleet week. LAURA: I guess we should go to the big island? LIAM: I think that the chances of finding it on the big island are greater, yes. TRAVIS: Fair enough. Out the window, shall we? MARISHA: What time of day is it? MATT: By now it’s 3:30 in the afternoon, four o'clock. LAURA: Should we wait until dusky-time? MARISHA: That’s what I’m thinking. Wait until the sun starts to go down? Because it’s got to be soon at this point. MATT: Actually, it’s probably closer to five at the time that you’ve spent with Frumpkin, so it’s starting to get closer to dusk. LAURA: Okay. Does anybody else want braids in the amount of time we have to wait? MARISHA: Ooh, yeah! Can you give me one going back this way? LAURA: Of course, I can totally do that. MARISHA: Thanks. TRAVIS: Is anyone else going to be heading out the front door besides Caleb, Nott, and myself? LAURA: I don’t want to waste a spell this time. TRAVIS: I think that’s smart. TALIESIN: I’ll keep with you. LIAM: How far away, roughly, was the edge of the lake and islands from where we are right now? MATT: From where you are right now? I’d say a mile and a half. LIAM: Okay, so while everyone is preparing, I take out my spool of silver thread and I go first to Jester’s room, and I stretch the thread across, and a little (magic flitter sound) flashes across and the thread disappears. It takes about ten minutes each time, and I do the same on Fjord’s doorway, stretch across (magic flitter sound). If anyone goes in to these doors besides you, I will know, but not when we’re on that island. Only on the way there. Lasts about a mile. LAURA: That’s awesome! TRAVIS: That’s great, yeah. MARISHA: While we’re getting ready, Molly, I don’t know if you unintentionally dodged the question last time, or if you didn’t hear me, but you never exactly told us how the circus creates and writes their performance acts. TALIESIN: I’d forgotten about that. MARISHA: Oh, so you did hear me though? TALIESIN: We were in the middle of things. MARISHA: Just clarifying. TALIESIN: It’s usually Gustav. If somebody’s got an act, they show it off, Gustav figures out how it’s going to work into the narrative. Puts it all together. MARISHA: You bring your own narrative? TALIESIN: You bring a bit, and then the bit is shaped and formed by the director of the show. If you can do a thing with fire or you can do some juggling, and then they figure out how that’s going to work into everything. Where it sits and what costuming, and the whole thing is all an act. Mostly. Mostly an act. MARISHA: Did Toya and Kylre come together with their act? LAURA: They came separate. MARISHA: They came separate. TALIESIN: Oh, you’re thinking of Toya and Kylre? They were an act before– They were an act for as long as I can remember, right? MATT: As long as you can remember, yeah. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’ve never not known them as an act. LAURA: I thought when we talked to them they said that Toya came after Kylre. They joined the circus at separate times. MARISHA: That’s what they told you? SAM: When we were investigating, we were– LAURA: We gave them a hard– what was it? SAM: Bad Cop. LAURA: Yeah, Good Cop. I was the good cop. SAM: I was the bad cop! LAURA: Yeah, and we got hard information from them! SAM: You’re not leaving here without telling us the truth! LAURA: Yeah, and I was like, “Don’t worry, she won’t hurt you!” SAM: I’m crazy! I’ll bite her too! LAURA: Then they fessed up to everything! They were like, “We’re a fiend!” and she was like, “I’m a little girl!” SAM: Yeah, it was crazy. LAURA: That was how it went. SAM: She confessed to being a little girl. LIAM: Do you have any empty positions at the circus for these two? TALIESIN: I’m feeling like maybe that might be a thing. LIAM: Tealeaf, you said, “It’s mostly an act.” What’s the not-mostly part? TALIESIN: Well, I mean, everyone’s got some weird. We’re weird people. People come in and you’re a bit strange, you got something you can do. LIAM: Are they all swashbuckling swordsmen like you? TALIESIN: No. LAURA: Can they all tell fortunes like you? TALIESIN: No. SAM: Do they cut themselves like you? TALIESIN: Well, that’s a complicated conversation, but no. MARISHA: You guys are super easy to lie to, no offense or anything. They lied to them, which means– LAURA: No, they didn’t lie to us! SAM: We meted out the truth! LAURA: They told us the truth! SAM: We cracked the case wide open! TALIESIN: She is a little girl, to be fair. LIAM: Nott? SAM: Toya. Unless, and here’s my new theory: the big frog man can leech the life force from people? LIAM: If that’s what it is, yeah. SAM: What if Toya is a fully-grown adult woman, but he’s been slowly leeching so much life from her that she’s a small husk. TALIESIN: Toya’s not a fully-grown adult woman. SAM: She’s a tiny full-grown person! TALIESIN: She’s a dwarf. SAM: Oh, she’s just a dwarf? Oh, okay, that makes more sense, actually, when you say it that way. It seemed like she was shrunken down from magic! TALIESIN: That is so offensive. LIAM: Perhaps this girl Toya is his baby’s bottle, and then once in a while he wants an extra snack. TALIESIN: I think you’re right, but I don’t know how he’s managed to go this long. Why now, and why in front of all those people? LAURA: What if he’s like one of those creatures that lives on the bottom of the sea, and she’s not actually even a person, she’s like this light thing that dangles in front of– SAM: One of his tentacles! LAURA: Yeah! TRAVIS: He has tentacles now. SAM: Not just tentacles, dwarf tentacles! LIAM: Fucking anime actors. (laughter) SAM: Let’s go. I think we know all we need to know. TALIESIN: I think he is a fiend. I think he is feeding off her. The rest of it I’m not sure. MARISHA: You never noticed Toya acting weird? You were never like, “Oh, this is a strange–” TALIESIN: Have you met us? We’re all a bit weird, and you don’t ask a ton of questions. MARISHA: Yeah, but there’s a difference between “quirky” weird and “Oh, I think this person’s life "force is being siphoned away from them” weird. TALIESIN: There is. It’s the difference between being in a carnival and not being in a carnival. MARISHA: Then why were you with the carnival? TALIESIN: Because I’m weird! MARISHA: (groaning) SAM: That tracks. That fully tracks. TALIESIN: I mean, it’s putting together. He was never that talkative. I don’t know. I don’t like it. LIAM: Well, what are we doing? MARISHA: Let’s go find the damn toad! TRAVIS: Can I use Mask of Many Faces to change into that older gray-haired farmer? MATT: Sure. Easy enough. The sun is close to setting. you’ve got about another 30 minutes or so before it sets. SAM: Let’s go. LAURA: I bless you. SAM: Gesundheit. On the way out, can I grab some booze from the bar to fill up my platinum flask? Or to fill it up a little? MATT: Okay, we’ll say for that, that’ll run you about– Fine liquor? About two silver pieces. SAM: Great. I’ll mark it down. MATT: It’s a hefty flask, too. TRAVIS: Using D&D Beyond. (laughter) MATT: Mark that bar tally. All right. Liquor refilled, you go towards the window, you all gather and glance out, and in the alley below the inn is a stationed crownsguard that wasn’t there before. You immediately get the sense that with the sudden murder of two crownsguard being discovered in the vicinity, they may have beefed up security a little bit. MARISHA: Ah shit. MATT: Only one of them is guarding the alley’s exit onto the main street, and they’re looking away at the moment out into the road, but occasionally glance over their shoulder into the alley. But there appears to be a little more of a security set-up. LAURA: Maybe you should go out the front and talk to him and distract him so we can sneak out the window. TRAVIS: I can do that. Do you want to come along on this little escapade? LIAM: Yes, I’m a good talker when I have to be. SAM: As am I. TALIESIN: Well! LIAM: Not for this. SAM: I’ll keep lookout. TALIESIN: I am not the right kind of talker for this. TRAVIS: Fair enough. So I’ll head out the front. MATT: Okay, you exit without issue. TRAVIS: Can I locate the crownsguard? MATT: Easy enough, and as you exit the tavern, you can see where once there were two guards sitting at the front, there’s now three, and there are two guards stationed across the street that are keeping a watch. It looks like everyone’s on high alert since they’ve had some of their own crownsguard killed. You make your way around the corner, through the T-intersection to the other road that meets with the main street that crosses in front of the Nestled Nook, and you see the guard stationed outside who’s currently leaning up against the wall, arms crossed, looking back and forth. TRAVIS: Can I run up to him and say: (old raspy voice) You, please, over here! I’ve seen one of those creatures! It’s tearing into him and it’s horrible. Please, come quickly! MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: Oh yes, here it is. Come on, charis. TRAVIS: 15. MATT: 15? He goes, “Which way? Please, point and show me.” TRAVIS: This way, quickly, please! MATT: He grabs his blade and draws it out, and gives a jog after you. The rest of you guys make your way down quickly outside into the alleyway. Make a stealth check. LAURA: I’m so scared of rolling right now. TALIESIN: Why does every roll have to be– Oh thank god. MARISHA: Oh my god, why. LAURA: Oh, no. SAM: We’re fine, we went out the front door. MARISHA: Nope, it’s a one. TRAVIS: It’s a nordic “7.” LAURA: No! TALIESIN: 18. LAURA: 21. SAM: We’re going out the front door. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I don’t know! You know, if it’s binary, one means– MATT: All right. Between the three of you making the check that’s still a majority success. But you do pop your ankle when you land. MARISHA: Did you see the stink-eye he gave me? LAURA: Don’t make comments after he just was kind to us. MATT: I was being kind! You sprained your ankle a little bit as you land and you kind of hop behind but the three of you make your way past the alley without issue. SAM: Does she have disadvantage on all checks for the next two days? MATT: No. (laughter) SAM: That’s how I would rule it. TALIESIN: This is why we don’t have you as DM. MARISHA: This ankle is affecting my wisdom! It’s reaching into my family’s history! LIAM: Dungeons & Dragons is about punishment. MATT: The three of you dart on the outside and make your way down the alley behind what looks to be a cluster of empty rain barrels that are set up to catch during storms, and you appear to have managed to just avoid the sight of the guarding crownsguard on the outside of the inn. Caleb and Nott, what are you guys doing? LIAM: We’re scouting the way nonchalantly, I would imagine. SAM: I’m real! I’m with you! MATT: So they darted off into the alley, what are you guys doing? LIAM: We could make our way to the outskirts of town. SAM: I said that I would be on lookout duty, so I’m just peering– Wait they went to the alley to go? MATT: While he was distracting them, you saw the guard leave with Fjord. SAM: We’ll go with, right? LIAM: No, we can stay in the open. I send Frumpkin up into the air over the party, 100 feet in the air. SAM: We’re just going out in the open to the water. TALIESIN: We can also follow the bird. MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say, why don’t you guys lead the way, and you guys give us a signal if you guys see a guard. MATT: You aren’t there. You haven’t caught up with them yet, they’re still out in the open. TALIESIN: I miss the earrings. LIAM: So I take your hand, and I’m watching them from above. SAM: I’m guiding him along. MATT: So the two of you make your way towards the docks slowly. LIAM: I’m totally acting like I see everything. MATT: Right. I see everything. LAURA: I have my hood up. TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I’m over cloak. TRAVIS: Weekend at Bernie’s walking. Looking around at nothing. MATT: You guide for two and a half blocks and the guard’s still like, “Where is it?” TRAVIS: I look over my shoulder and keep running, and then go: Oh, what do you want? Who are you? Why are you following me? MATT: “You called me– You said there was one of them–” TRAVIS: Have I done something again? Have you seen my son? What’s your name? You’re a strong looking– MATT: He sheathes the blade. TRAVIS: Oh dear. Do you have any coin? LIAM: It’s badass. MATT: He walks up and slaps you across the top of the head, and just goes, “Don’t go wasting our time.” TRAVIS: I’m sorry. No respect for the elderly, apparently. I walk away. MATT: He spits on the ground towards you and turns around and heads back to his post. TRAVIS: (grunting) I make my way towards the docks. MATT: You all manage to slowly make your way to the outskirts of the Ustaloch, down to where the majority of the docks are set up on the lake itself. Since the lights have gone out, most of the boats have now come back in, and they are bringing in their hauls out, and have small nets and baskets filled with fish they’ve caught while they’re out there, small crustaceans, most of them are in the process of just offloading and locking up and tying their boats. What are you guys doing? LIAM: I think perhaps the best thing to do is to rent a boat, not steal a boat. LAURA: You should talk to people. TRAVIS: I think we may be able to avoid any kind of trading of currency. LIAM: What’s your idea? TRAVIS: Let me see if I can find a boat that would accommodate all of us and see if we can find some amicable people. LIAM: All right. TRAVIS: As a sailor, apparently I’m able to acquire free passage on ships. MATT: You are, actually. TRAVIS: I have to talk the talk and maybe trade something, but– MATT: One of the larger fishing vessels that can carry a group of your size, as well as a couple of others, has already been pulled in and most everyone has been loaded off. You can see there’s one gentleman in his mid-forties, a little bit of a five o'clock shadow on his chin, a small scar across the bottom of it. He has a heavy knitted cap that’s folded back onto the top of his shoulders and a long coat, and as he’s standing there, he looks over at you and watches you approach, taking the rope and tying it around the edge. TRAVIS: Hello there. I was hoping that perhaps I could trouble you. We’re trying to make our way out into the lake, some of my companions and I, for a small day trip. We’ve never quite been out on the lake, not this one. Is there a chance we could trade some work on your day’s journey for some travel? MATT: “If you’re looking for someone to take you around the lake, I could do that for a bit of coin, sure.” TRAVIS: I’m sorry, we’re a bit light on coin. Is there perhaps anything we could help you with around here in trade? MATT: He glances at your hands as you’re talking, “You look like a hard-worker.” TRAVIS: Indeed. Many years of my life. MATT: “Where are you from?” TRAVIS: Port Damali. MATT: “I see you’ve been a shiphand before. I can see the cracks in the fingers.” TRAVIS: They never go away. MATT: He looks at his own hand. “So you’re just looking for a joyride?” TRAVIS: Yes, it would help me look a bit more impressive in the eyes of my younger comrades. MATT: “I’ll tell you what. I’ll take you around. You get a bottle to take more out there, we’ll call it even.” TRAVIS: Much obliged. MATT: “All right.” He goes and starts getting the boat ready to go back out on the lake. TRAVIS: I go back. It fucking worked. LAURA: That was pretty cool, Gramps. TRAVIS: Thanks. We should go. MATT: He’s getting ready. The trade was to bring a bottle. TRAVIS: A bottle! Right. You don’t happen to carry any fine firewhiskey on you, do you? SAM: Nope. TRAVIS: If I gave you some money, could you go pick us up a nice bottle of some stuff? SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: I don’t trust you. If I gave you some money, could you–? LAURA: Yes, you can definitely trust me. TRAVIS: I don’t trust you either. Beau, I’m going to give you three gold. MARISHA: That’s too much, but do I get to keep the change? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Damn it. I’ll be right back. I go get two bottles. MATT: A bottle of fine wine runs you about ten gold pieces. A bottle of basic wine, about a gold. This is some Two-Buck Chuck style of wine. TRAVIS: You can’t come back with ten gold wine if I said I was broke. MARISHA: Exactly. TALIESIN: Two-Gold Bold. MATT: You spend the gold and you get a bottle of cheap wine, make your way back to the boat– LAURA: Can I pull Fjord aside while she’s off doing that? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Fjord, that voice you’re doing. It almost sounded like you actually did in Port Damali. TRAVIS: Right, yeah. LAURA: I mean, I like that voice. I like this voice too, though. TRAVIS: Oh, well I’m glad. I’m partial to it myself. LAURA: I like it. You can keep doing it. MATT: As you return with the bottle, you all get onto the boat. The older gentleman, as you all get on, introduces himself: “I’m Noah, this is my vessel. I’ll take you where you need to go. Now, if I can ask where you’re headed. Want to do a pass on the lake and back, or…” SAM: Caleb, where are we headed? LAURA: Wait, are you still in bird mode? LIAM: No. That ended. We hear that there’s beautiful islands out in the middle of the Ustaloch. MATT: As he pulls the rest of the rope in as you guys are on board, he stops. “Beautiful?” TRAVIS: They haven’t been on the water much. An island to the eyes of someone like him would appear– LIAM: I’ve never seen a lake before this one so, first island. It’s a very big moment for me. MATT: He goes and gets his paddle out and begins making his way– “Well there’s only two islands out there. One’s a piece of shite and the other’s Crookedstone.” LAURA: What’s Crookedstone? MATT: “Crookedstone used to be where and old witch lived about a hundred years ago.” (gasps) MATT: “No one goes over to Crookedstone.” TALIESIN: Well! (laughter) MARISHA: No one goes to Crookedstone. TALIESIN: That is our siren’s call. LIAM: Did you say piece of shite? What’s the name of the other one? MATT: “Well, it doesn’t really have a name. It’s too small.” LAURA: Oh, so the big one is Crookedstone? LIAM: Crookedstone, yeah. MATT: “Can I ask you where you’re going?” LAURA: I mean, that sounds like fun, right? MARISHA: Yeah, you guys aren’t actually afraid of some– MATT: He puts the oar down– SAM: Boink. MATT: (cork removal noise) (gulps) (sighs) TALIESIN: No aerator? (laughter) SAM: You monster! (laughter) TALIESIN: You’ve ruined it. MATT: “Fair be it to me to judge. To Crookedstone, then.” He picks up his oar and begins paddling. LAURA: Tell me more about this witch! MATT: “I don’t know. Probably died many years ago and no one goes around, seeing as it’s cursed land. You’ll see for yourself soon enough.” LAURA: Did she have a wart on her nose? MATT: “Probably.” LAURA: Yeah. MATT: “We don’t really deal with witch folk.” LAURA: Did she wear a hat? Like a pointy one? MATT: “I’d only expect as such.” LAURA: Right? MATT: (chuckles) Takes another swig as you guys begin to make your way towards the center of the Ustaloch– TRAVIS: Can I put an arm around Beau and have her come to the front of the boat so we can check out the waters as we’re going, just for anything that might be– MATT: Sure. Both of you make a perception check, please. TALIESIN: I’m going to keep my eyes peeled as well. MATT: Sure. LAURA: I’m going to draw witches in my sketchbook. MARISHA: (yelling) God fucking shitballs cock! LIAM: I actually tagged along with them. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: (growls and sighs) LAURA: So it went well? MARISHA: (high-pitched) It’s great. It’s a good roll. SAM: I’m drinking tons of whiskey because I’m super scared to be on the water. TALIESIN: Eight. TRAVIS: 13. LIAM: 20. MATT: Okay. For future note, if everyone’s going to make a perception check I may have a few folks, you know, to helm it, and other people aiding their roll with advantage. Just so we don’t end up having a barrage of perception like, “They failed? I do it. They failed? I do it.” Because that gets a little lame. All right, as you guys keep watch over the edge of the water, heading in as the sky darkens, heading towards Crookedstone, the island in the center of the Ustaloch. Prepare yourselves for whatever you’ll find there and we’re going to go to break! TRAVIS: Crookedstone, here we come! MATT: It’s time. We’re going to go ahead and take a quick ten minute break, roughly. We have ten minutes so we get a little bathroom break. We’ll be back here shortly. Make sure to stick around for a video at the break in which we have our Wyrmwood contest to win some awesome Wyrmwood stuff, so keep an eye. We’ll be back here in a little bit. See you soon. [break] MATT: Welcome back! Sam! TRAVIS: Wow. There’s Hail Marys and then there’s that. LIAM: (laughing) MATT: Oh, I’m going to get you guys back one of these days real hard. MARISHA: You already do. TRAVIS: Don’t poke the DM. LIAM: Did that make it in? That was a nuke! MATT: Welcome back. TALIESIN: I was weirdly expecting more. LIAM: Are you kidding? MATT: Our winner of the grandiose collection of Wyrmwood elements is koehlerart. Congratulations, you’re the winner. Danoba will contact you and get your information. Pretty nice win on your part. We’ll have next week another giveaway to look forward to that. LAURA: I choked on my spit as I wooed. MATT: You swooed? Don’t do that. TALIESIN: I don’t even know how you did that! MATT: The sun has set as you guys approach the outer banks of the Crookedstone Island in the center of the Ustaloch. You can see the grove, a clustered central conglomerate of trees that all create this mound of brush. Now that you’re up close against it, you can see the bit of moonlight that’s starting to come over the horizon dancing across the upper part of the canopy. The trees, at most, are about 15 to ten feet tall. They’re not incredibly huge, some even hovering around the five to ten foot range on the outskirts. LAURA: How tall was the lizard man? Devil toad? MATT: He was about eight feet tall, hunched forward. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: That’s big. MATT: As you approach the bank, you can see already there’s a lot of heavy rocks. This is not a soft, muddy embankment like the outskirts of the lake. This has a lot of jagged rock, and your ship-finding friend is carefully making his way through as close as he can before he comes to a stop, pushes off with an oar, and says, “All right, I think this is as close as I can get. What "are you doing here, if I might ask?” LAURA: We are going to have a picnic on the island. MARISHA: Beach party. LAURA: Nighttime beach party! MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: Nighttime beach party. TRAVIS: We’re carrying nothing. LAURA: Wait, what is it, a deception? 14. MATT: “Sorry I asked.” MARISHA: The nighttime is the best time to go frog-digging. MATT: “I’ll tell you what.” SAM: That is true. TRAVIS: Kentucky. MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: “I get the sense the less I know, the better off I am. Go about your business, I’ll be waiting "here. Don’t do anything stupid. I’m not getting involved with anything. If there’s some illegal "business here and I see something shifty, I’m back on the shore and you have to swim your way home.” TRAVIS: Of course. Would someone help me down? LAURA: Here, I’ll help you, Gramps. On either side. SAM: All you need to know is, there’s three dudes and three ladies. You do the math. TALIESIN: Don’t do the math. MATT: He takes the bottle and takes a big, heavy swig, and sits down in the boat. TRAVIS: We’ll return. MATT: All right. As you guys step off the boat into about ankle-deep water, traversing the broken bits of sharpened stone, making your way to the actual island of Crookedstone, you begin to slowly approach the outside of the treeline. What do you guys want to do? LAURA: Should I cast Good and Evil Detection again? SAM: That seemed to work. LAURA: I can do it. TALIESIN: Before you do, let’s take a look around. I’m going to take a look around to see if I can find any footprints. MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Can I use my (mumbles) again, or no? MATT: What are you doing? Are you looking around for details? TALIESIN: I’m specifically looking for signs of Kylre. MATT: Make a survival check, with advantage. LAURA: What was the name of the creature again? MARISHA: A nergaliid. SAM: Heavens to Murgatroyd. TALIESIN: Wow, that’s awful. Wait, that’s cocked. LIAM: We’re under the light of the moons, correct? TALIESIN: That’s awful. I can’t even– that’s eight. MATT: It’s hard to tell. Because it’s such a rocky shore, there aren’t a lot of signs of landfall. LIAM: Moonlight, at this point? MATT: Moonlight, and a little bit of a dissipating orange-purple glow in the sky. TALIESIN: That’s right, we’ve got some humans. SAM: I did a Travis burp. MATT: Oh no. LAURA: He blew it out. SAM: I blew it that way! MARISHA: Thanks? TALIESIN: Oh wow. TRAVIS: You can taste it, can’t you? MATT: What’s the plan, guys? MARISHA: You didn’t find anything? TALIESIN: We can start heading in. LAURA: I can cast it, I just will lose a spell slot. LIAM: Hold on. I send Frumpkin into the sky. Look down, and see if now that I have him flying closer, maybe I can see better, or see something moving in this dim light, before it goes? MATT: Perception check on Frumpkin, please. LAURA: Roll really good. MATT: With disadvantage because of the lack of light. LIAM: Balls. That’s a big seven. MARISHA: We’re lowly humans. How did you deal with this? TALIESIN: It was awful. I let all of you go first everywhere. MATT: Yeah, the lack of detail, nothing really catches Frumpkin’s eye from above. LIAM: It’s too dark. (flutters) MARISHA: Can I look and see if I see any big broken branches, or sign of something big moving through the forest? MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Perception? Not investigation? MATT: Are you glancing about, or are you going to wade through the forest to look for things? LIAM: No ranger. MARISHA: I’d like to move up to the treeline and see where the mud is, and see if I can see any sign of something big moving through the forest. TALIESIN: Or for a witch’s hut. MATT: Make an investigation check. LAURA: It’s a big island. MARISHA: That’s the same damn fucking roll. Piece of shit. MATT: Which is good, because the first roll should have stayed anyway. Works out well. MARISHA: Investigation? Seven. MATT: Seven. It’s hard to tell in the dark, unfortunately. Your human eyes prevent you from finding any details in the vicinity without a light source. The faint bit of moonlight gives you the general structure of the island, but beyond that, even looking close, you have a hard time making out details. TRAVIS: How about we fan out and move in? LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Keep a line. Within eye shot of each other. MARISHA: Like looking for drowned kids? TRAVIS: Well, yeah. MARISHA: Make a line. LIAM: Because I can’t see anything, I’m going to hand on your shoulder. SAM: Guide you through. MATT: Okay. What is the order in which you guys are walking or fanning out? SAM: The exact order that our minis are, right there. MARISHA: You know, it kind of works. TRAVIS: Put me next to Beau. TALIESIN: Let’s put the humans in the middle, so that they can’t be surprised. MARISHA: Put Fjord on the outside. There we go. SAM: Well, not the exact order. LIAM: Do we want to do it like a V-formation, with Nott in the lead and the two humans just behind? SAM: We’re fine like this. LAURA: Nott should be next to Caleb, because he can’t see. So Nott should be right next to Caleb. TRAVIS: Jester and Nott switch. MARISHA: Just don’t spread out too far to where we’re not in shouting distance. LAURA: Okay. So we spread. MATT: Technically, you’re in the– We’ll go with this. ALL: It’s fine. SAM: We’re all going to die anyway. TALIESIN: Again. MATT: You guys all carefully make your way into the treeline. The smell here is definitely that of low tide. You get that unearthing of sediment, and the occasional whiff of dead fish. LAURA: Do we smell any brimstone? MATT: No, not at the moment. You guys push further in. Are you being quiet about this? ALL: Yeah. MATT: Then I would like you all to make a stealth check. TALIESIN: Hey! There’s my good roll! MARISHA: That’s all right. LAURA: 17. TALIESIN: 19. TRAVIS: 16. MARISHA: 17. LIAM: 15. SAM: 16. MATT and TRAVIS: Wow! TALIESIN: There’s that magic we never had. MATT: As you guys slowly become a cohesive unit, a true adventuring party, you begin to carefully make your way through. Thankfully, most of the small tree cluster, this small glade, the floor of it is soft, and as you step, there’s no heavy snapping of twigs or crumbling of leaves. Something does catch the edge of your foot on the outskirts, Fjord, as you glance down. You see what looks to be two crustacean shells: small crabs that have been fished out of the nearby lake, and have been completely eaten. The inside has been cleared out. TRAVIS: Hold for a second. These shells have been devoured. MARISHA: Oh. I pass it down the line. The shells have been devoured! LIAM: The bells have been deflowered. SAM: The whales are in my power! LAURA: The veils are covered in flour. (laughter) MATT: Something about being deflowered. SAM: Did Toya love crabs? TALIESIN: She ate what was put in front of her. We ate what was put in front of us. We’re not picky people. MATT: You guys continue about 30 or so feet into the treeline, before you start finding, I wouldn’t say a clearing, but the trees aren’t as closely placed together. There is some semblance of an opening here and there. SAM: What? LAURA: Stop burping! Yes you did! SAM: I didn’t burp! LAURA: You probably just breathed out hard. LIAM: I’m sorry, it was me. SAM: That was you?! LIAM: No, I meant Caleb’s stink. SAM: I have not burped. TALIESIN: I’m trying to keep an eye out for anything. MATT: Unfortunately, you’re having a hard time to make out any sign. You guys make your way towards the center of this cluster of trees. MARISHA: As we walk, Fjord and I will keep a lookout for any more crustacean empty shells. MATT: Okay. Make a perception check. Well, one of you do, the other can aid if you want to, and that gives you advantage on the roll. MARISHA: Help me. I get advantage? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Thank god you’re helping me. Just perception? 20 total. MATT: You don’t see any more crab shells, but you do glance a bit ahead, and amongst the trees, you can see stonework. Stones stacked in a wall that is toppled over and fallen. A small ruin. Some sort of a structure, once a single-story structure that seems to have fallen inward and been destroyed. Partially overgrown, and what little moonlight comes through, you can make out the shape of it. There’s corners still standing, but other than that, it looks like it’s been toppled over and left to ruin. MARISHA: Is that a cave? I think your eyes are better than mine. TRAVIS. Yeah. With my darkvision, can I zero-in on what she’s looking at? MATT: If you get a little closer, you can, yeah. TRAVIS: I scoot up a little bit. MATT: Okay. You creep up and you can see it’s a ruined building. It looks like it was 30 feet on one side, 15 feet on the other. It’s destroyed. TRAVIS: I can see why they say a witch was here. It’s pretty spooky in this light. TALIESIN: Even if we weren’t here on business, I really want to see this. LAURA: Can we sneak around the hut? MARISHA: Can we surround the hut? MATT: There’s no hut. It’s a ruin. LAURA: Can we sneak around the ruin? MARISHA: We’re building a narrative here that Matt is not giving us. MATT: Like The Secret. You’re manifesting a witch fight here. “Where’s the hut?” TRAVIS: Let’s approach. MATT: You guys approach. Who’s keeping visual point on this? MARISHA: Who’s got better eyes? TRAVIS, TALIESIN, and LAURA: I have darkvision. LIAM: I’m moving slow on purpose at the back of the group now. TRAVIS: Which means you are, too. MATT: Who’s helming this? I’ll give one of you a perception roll to help on this. TRAVIS: Go for it, Molly. LAURA: No, we’re pointing at you. TRAVIS: You’re pointing at me? I don’t want perception, you want Beau. MATT: Technically, I should have given Beau disadvantage because of her human eyes. I let it slide because you were looking for crustaceans. LAURA: I’ll do it! Because I like witch huts, I’ll do it. What’s yours? TALIESIN: I’ll do it. MATT: I’m not used to you being a human. MARISHA: He basically saw it. MATT: I know. It worked out fine for the narrative. TALIESIN: I’ll go for it. I don’t get advantage on this. MATT: No. TALIESIN: No, okay. God. Six. MATT: It’s too dark to see anything, even with your darkvision. It looks like a ruin. It could very well be that this island is abandoned. MARISHA: Does it look like, when we get up close to it, like it’s caved in on top? MATT: It looks like whatever roof was has fallen in, and all there are are some semblances of the wall still standing, and corners to the structure, but most of it is either crumbled in entirely– LIAM: Yeah, this is like a famine home in Ireland. You can see the edges of it, probably. MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Fjord, give me a boost. TRAVIS: Yeah, sure. MARISHA: Getting up on the roof. MATT: Okay. You climb up onto– there is no roof to it, per se. It’s all fallen in. SAM: There’s a full hut with a witch inside, Matt. (laughter) MATT: You want me to put a witch in this? You want me to throw a witch in this? There can be a witch, Sam! SAM: There’s a full, two-story hut with a burning fireplace. LIAM: I’ll pull out the Baba Yaga, give me five seconds. MATT: I got rules for this shit in the book. MARISHA: You hear a dice fall, “And… six witches come out.” MATT: Yeah, going back to my first campaign. Roll for number of witches. As you vault up to the top edge of one of the stronger walls, you head up onto the side and glance to the back, right as a pair of red eyes (whoosh) right up at you, and this (growling). TRAVIS: We know that sound. MATT: I need you to roll initiative. TALIESIN: I did not sneak that in, did I? MATT: Nope. SAM: Everybody, or just her? MATT: All of you. LAURA: All of us? (cheering) MARISHA: Which dice? I haven’t rolled this dice yet. Maybe it will be kind. SAM: Look at this well-constructed map. LIAM: Oh, shit snacks. MATT: There’s Beau, right there. TRAVIS: Look at the size of that. LIAM: Look, you’re up in the air, bro! LAURA: And little Toya. MATT: Whereabouts are you guys, currently? LIAM: I would be the furthest back. MARISHA: Fjord’s right next to me. LAURA: Me and Molly were closer to it. MATT: Fjord’s right there, giving you the boost up. You and Molly were close to it? LAURA: Closer than Caleb. Yeah, that’s good. MATT: You guys are next to each other, because you’re holding there. Molly moved up to probably here. Around there? TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m all right with that. LAURA: Yes, I’m good. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: The trees are awesome. Oh man! That fucking music. MATT: Let’s go ahead and– oh shit, okay. LAURA: Oh no, they rolled really well. SAM: They? It’s just one. LAURA: Toya’s there too. SAM: Toya’s just a dwarf girl. LAURA: She’s going to pull out some shit. MARISHA: Yeah she is, don’t trust that bitch. MATT: 25 to 20, anybody? Nott, since you got high– You got higher than that last time. 20 to 15? TALIESIN: 18. MARISHA: 16. MATT: Hold on. We have Molly up front at 18. Who’s next after that? MARISHA and LAURA: 16. LIAM: I’m at 15. TRAVIS: You and Frumpkin? MATT: For the ease of this, we’re going to run with Frumpkin on your initiative order because otherwise it’s another initiative we have to worry about. LIAM: So keep him with me? MATT: Yeah. All right, so, Caleb. 15 to ten? SAM: 11! MATT: All right, Nott. What did you get, Fjord? TRAVIS: Five. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: Wait, you can’t see because you’re looking through the sparrow, or because you’re a human? LIAM: I’m human. SAM: That’s why we’re holding hands? LIAM: We’re not holding hands anymore. MATT: Top of the combat round. Molly, you hear this growl, and you watch Beau begin to react and get the staff ready and you immediately know this is not good, but you’re up first. TALIESIN: I’m going to pull out both my swords, and I’m going to drag them– LAURA and MARISHA: [imitating him] Borth your swords! SAM: Irish, Laura. TALIESIN: I’m not doing my accent right now. So I’m going to pull out both the swords, and I’m going to drag them on the back of my neck, and before the blood even begins to pour, it goes straight into ice along the blades. TRAVIS: Sick. MATT: You can only apply one per round on a bonus action. TALIESIN: Action, bonus action. MATT: Oh, you’re doing both right now? TALIESIN: Action and bonus action. MATT: Technically it’s a bonus action; you can’t convert an action to a bonus action. TALIESIN: I can’t turn an action to a bonus action? MATT: No. Unfortunately. TALIESIN: All right, that’s fair. MATT: Yeah, you could apply it once, and then you still have your action if you want to. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: You can mark down, you take down your temporary hit points or your max hit points to 22. TALIESIN: I’m going to move around and I’m going to try and get a little cover right here. MATT: Okay. You move there? TALIESIN: I’m going to move there, and I’m going to hold my attack until there’s something to hit. I’m going to try and make a little wave at Yasha. Toya. Ah, brain. MATT: It is now Kylre’s turn. TRAVIS: Oh, shit, right away. MATT: All right, seeing you right there, the devil toad turns to little Toya to the side, who looks a bit dirtied at a glance, and goes, “They’re trying to take you away. Come, sing for us! Stop them!” MARISHA: I look down at Fjord and I go: let me down! Help me down! TRAVIS: What? MATT: All right. The devil toad is going to straight leap, which would pass through your– you get an attack of opportunity– and land right there. TRAVIS: Look at the size of that thing. MATT: Make your attack, if you want to. MARISHA: I can’t really do anything; it’s just a whack, right? MATT: It’s just a hit with your staff, yeah. MARISHA: Okay, 21. MATT: That hits! Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Just with my staff, right? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Not great. Seven points of damage. MATT: Seven points of damage. You smack it on the way, with this horrible wet thud to the back of its body, but it moves through with immense speed, especially with the density and the weight of this thing as it lands, the ground shakes in the area, the vicinity, and as it lands, it uses its action to Summon Devil. MARISHA: Summon Devil? MATT: As it lands, it begins to mutter a language under its breath. Anybody here speak Infernal? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: You hear an incantation that essentially amounts to a faint, “Come, protect me, brothers,” beneath its breath, and three bursts of flame. SAM: Three!? Not three! MATT: As three imps apparate in the vicinity. MARISHA: Fucking imps! MATT: Here and here. Roll their initiative. Okay. LAURA: (singing) We’re fucked. We’re fucked. TRAVIS: So excited right now! MATT: That’s his action, and Toya’s up next! Toya actually rolled initiative just below. TRAVIS: She wants to be our friend. MATT: Toya is looking around, looking scared, looking at you motioning towards her. (sung note) Her haunting voice begins to spread from her and I need all of you to make a wisdom saving throw, please. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. SAM: 15. MARISHA: Also 15. TALIESIN: 20. TRAVIS: 17. Natural 17. LIAM: 20. SAM: Still 15. LAURA: Nine. MATT: Okay. That’s some good saving throws, guys. All of you shake your head and back away. You: your eyes move towards her, and there’s an enchantment that pulls your attention. You have disadvantage on any attack rolls you make for the next turn. She, scared, sees you, and begins to walk back this way and hide behind the wall, but continues to sing, giving this aura in the vicinity. That ends Toya’s turn. Beau, you’re up, as well as Jester. LAURA: I’m going to Invoke Duplicity. MATT: So that’s your action? Where are you placing your–? LAURA: So she can appear anywhere? MATT: Let me see real fast. Still getting used to these new abilities. SAM: Use your D&D Next to look at the information about that spell. MATT: It appears anywhere within 30 feet of you in an unoccupied space. LAURA: Tight. Okay, she’s going to appear in the tree in front of me. Next to Fjord. SAM: Wait, did you have two minis made for yourself? LAURA: No, Matt did the second one! Isn’t that cool!? SAM: Ah, wow. LAURA: Then as me, I’m going to run away. Can I run behind a tree and crouch? MATT: You can go around this one there. LAURA: I’m going to crouch behind it. MATT: That gives you some cover. That’s your turn. Beau, you’re up. LAURA: That’s my turn. MARISHA: I’m going to vault off of the platform that I’m on, and I’m going to go for Toya. I’m going to take my bo staff. I’m going to try and take her where her throat is and grapple her down to the ground. Like to basically throat crush and get on top of her. MATT: All right, make an acrobatics check. TRAVIS: Little larynx assault. LAURA: I feel like Beau will have far less problems hurting children. MARISHA: Yeah. Okay. 15. MATT: Yeah. You make the landing, roll, and go towards her. You’re going to use your action to grapple? MARISHA: Grapple her down. MATT: Go ahead and make an athletics check, please. LIAM: Put her in a body bag, Johnny! TRAVIS: That was so close. MARISHA: It’s a 14. Yeah, I know, you can barely see that one. Athletics you said? 19. 18, sorry! MATT: As you land, you manage to grapple Toya and using the staff you press her against the wall, and the scared dwarf girl’s eyes are open wide. The singing falters for a second, but she continues to still sing, and you see her eyes looking around desperately for– MARISHA: Do I have a bonus? MATT: I mean, you have a bonus action, yes. MARISHA: Can I crush in a little bit further and get her to stop singing? TALIESIN: I’m so proud of you. SAM: Crush that windpipe. MARISHA: Just a little! MATT: Technically a grapple is an attack, so it’s an attack action, so yeah. You can. MARISHA: That’s right. Y'all thought Keyleth was a fuck-up. What am I doing, just a straight attack? MATT: Just a straight attack. If you’re just hitting, or pushing ahead with it, I’ll say. MARISHA: 11. MATT: 11? Does not hit, actually. LAURA: She’s got the strongest windpipe ever. MATT: It’s more that fact that as you’re pressing in, she’s adjusting her body and she’s reaching up, grabbing, and trying to keep her voice emitting from her throat. You can’t seem to get a beat to press. She looks genuinely really scared and freaking out at being put in this position. MARISHA: I’m just going to say: I felt bad for you before, but now you should be scared. MATT: Okay. That ends Beau’s turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Question: is the humans’ visibility shit right now? MATT: Yeah, there’s no light in here. LIAM: So I can’t see what I’m doing, right? MATT: Most any roll you’d be making would be at disadvantage. LIAM: Okay, so four globules of light go (popping) out of my hands and one of them hovers– MATT: Actually, we have a light for this. Forgot about that! I should’ve put that on. Hints of moonlight. LIAM: It’s a row of four globules of light. One is hanging above where my miniature is now. One is closer to froggy. One is, like a line over the building, so that there’s one also hanging over Beauregard. MATT: We’ll say within this vicinity here, the entire center of the island now glows. You can see the ruins casting shadows off against the rocks in the vicinity from where each globe is placed. You all have a pretty good view of the battlefield at the moment. LIAM: With my remaining movement, I’m hauling ass towards Fjord and whichever Jester that is ahead of me. MATT: You can get right behind Fjord if you want to. That ends Caleb’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay. Seeing where Caleb has run– If I move, will that imp next to me get an attack? MATT: One way to find out. SAM: Okay. Well then, I will turn to the imp next to me and I will slash at it with my shortsword. MATT: Okay, go for it. SAM: Two. LAURA: Don’t you add something? SAM: Two plus six. Eight. MATT: Eight. MATT: As you swing wide, it flaps its wings backward and the tiny demonic humanoid creature with its wings in the air goes (cackling). SAM: All right, I will bonus action disengage and run to Caleb. MATT: Okay, there’s that. TRAVIS: Disengage, baby! LIAM: So proud! So proud! MATT: Okay, so you’re all clustered up here behind the ruins. LAURA: So smart. SAM: They can’t get us over here. (laughter) MATT: All right, so that finishes your turn, Nott. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Over the top of the ruins, can I see the hellish toad? MATT: You can. With the light that’s burning up there, it only goes about maybe five or six feet there. You have a good view of the creature. TRAVIS: Can I use for my bonus action my Hexblade’s Curse? MATT: That you can! TALIESIN: What?! Hexblade’s Curse? TRAVIS: I gain bonus to my damage rolls. A 19 or a 20 is a crit. When it dies, I might get something. MATT: As you focus on it, and you condense your attention, you guys watch as the blade in Fjord’s hand shimmers slightly. What was previously a faint bit of polished metallic suddenly begins to grow something organic looking. A cluster of barnacles begin to appear out of the hilt of the weapon and curl down about three or four inches down the blade, and it begins to drip water, sourceless. Like it was freshly pulled out of the ocean. The shadows that had been drawn from the nearby bits of stonework begin to tear into the body of the devil toad who looks around at the ground as there’s now this squirrely swirling bit of black energy that’s wrapping around and causing it to look about confused at its torso. That’s your bonus action. TRAVIS: I’m coming for you. I’ll roll around the right side so I can see Toya. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: I’ll use Eldritch Blast at Toya being held down by Beau. MARISHA: He gets advantage, right, because she’s pinned? MATT: You’re shooting Toya? Or are you shooting the toad? TRAVIS: I’m sorry. The toad. MARISHA: Oh sorry, sorry, sorry. TRAVIS: That is a 19. That is a crit. MATT: For the Hexblade’s Curse, we’ll have to double check. TRAVIS: Oh, it is melee. MATT: It is for your melee. I don’t think it’s for spells unfortunately. TRAVIS: That’s right. It is melee. Yeah, I’m staying right there. Plus six, so that’s a 25. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Every time he casts a spell, does it go (sings Dueling Banjos). (laughter) TRAVIS: 13, 14, 15. MATT: 15?! Slick. LIAM: From that blast? Sick. MATT: Because it’s plus–? TRAVIS: 1d8 plus four, plus two for the Hexblade’s Curse. MATT: The hexblade– is that also for a melee weapon though? TRAVIS: Bonus to damage rolls against the cursed target. It equals my proficiency bonus. MATT: Great, yeah. That’s 15? With that as you snipe through the pommel of your blade, the energy blast strikes and the toad– as it impacts, the shadows seem to grab the bolts of energy and tear them back towards it’s torso causing additional damage as it (grunts in pain). TRAVIS: Can I use the rest of my movement– yeah, no, I’m good where I am. MATT: Okay. That’s the end of your turn. Top of the round. Now the imps go. SAM: Oh boy. LAURA: Imps are the top of the round? MATT: Yep. LAURA: Jeez louise. TRAVIS: Times three right? LIAM: Nope, that’s a mistake. You also don’t mean to do that. MATT: Two, three, four. TRAVIS: Twenty feet speed. MATT: Oh no, it’s a 40 foot fly speed! (groans) MARISHA: Of course it is. TALIESIN: Opening your mouth right there. That was so useful! So useful! MATT: All right, cool. TRAVIS: My apologies. MATT: With that, all three are of them are going to make a sting strike. That’s one against you, Caleb. That’s a natural three plus five. That’s eight. LIAM: Ooh, it almost got me though. MATT: Misses you. Against Nott, that– Jesus. Nine. SAM: No. MATT: Then Molly. A 17 plus five. TALIESIN: Yep, that hit me. (laughter) TALIESIN: Actually, is it close enough to me that I would have taken a swipe at it anyways? MATT: You would have. You take your strike as it comes into range. TALIESIN: That’s a 13? MATT: 13 does hit. Just hits! TALIESIN: That’s a 1d6 plus 1d4. That’s eight damage plus one cold damage, so nine damage. MATT: Nine points of damage. As it swings down with its wings, you arc out with your scimitar and you carve through its body. It looks horribly hurt, blood spatters across your arm and across your forearm from the creature. But it still survives and jams its stinger into you. You suffer from that– It’s cocked. That is five points of piercing damage and you have to make a constitution saving throw, please. TALIESIN: Five points of damage and a constitution saving throw. MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: Constitution saving throw. Goddamn it. 11. MATT: 11 is just what you need to succeed! You only suffer four points of poison damage. TALIESIN: So I just took– MATT: Nine points of damage total. SAM: That’s nothing! You’re fine. TALIESIN: That’s a lot. SAM: We each have like 150 hit points. TRAVIS: The Hexblade’s Curse is on any damage, it’s not melee. MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: I could roll an extra damage die, and it would be for that crit. The 19. MATT: Oh wait! Okay, good to know. TRAVIS: It doesn’t have to be melee. I had it right there and I should’ve read it. MATT: Thank you for clarifying. Go ahead and roll another die. TRAVIS: And it’s a 1d10, not a 1d8. I was talking out my ass before. So ten. MATT: You rolled a ten? TRAVIS: No, I rolled four. MATT: Well, it’s the additional die. TRAVIS: Thank you, just the four. MATT: So 19 damage on that one, nice. Good to know, thank you. That brings us to the end of the imp’s turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus action, take a slash at that imp. I can only use it as an action, right? MATT: Well, no. You have to attack with one hand and then as a bonus you can attack with the other. TALIESIN: Okay, I’ll burn my attack hitting that bloody imp. MATT: You can attack with the one that’s not enchanted if you wanted to. TALIESIN: No, I’ll hit it with the enchanted one. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m really hurt and I just took nine points of damage. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Yeah, 19 to hit. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s seven points of damage. MATT: With a scream and a burst of flame and sulfurous cloud, the imp flickers out of existence. TALIESIN: I’m going to pull back behind this tree trunk then and get a little cover to figure out what to do next, because I’m really hurt. MATT: Okay, you used your action, you still have your bonus action. TALIESIN: Yeah. I can’t heal or anything. My god, I can’t do anything. MATT: You can still attack with your bonus action if you wanted to. Okay, then back away. That’s your turn then. Molly’s done. Kylre, let’s see here. He’s going to make a standing leap. LAURA: No-o-o-o! (counting) 30, he can land right there. SAM: Juggernaut. MATT: Lands right next to you, Caleb, you get knocked almost off your feet and barely hold yourself there. As it lands, you glance over your shoulder at it, its eyes burn ever bright and you feel this horrible sickening sensation crawl across your body, make a wisdom saving throw. LAURA: Oh god. LIAM: 20. MATT: That succeeds the saving throw. SAM: He’s so wise! MATT: You are not stunned, as the siphon life deals four points of psychic damage to you. LIAM: Okay. Plenty to spare. However, he gains four temporary hit points. TRAVIS: He gains four? MATT: Yes. The life that it pulls from you bolsters himself and it would’ve been a lot worse if you had failed, so that’s good. All right, that’s going to end Kylre’s turn. Now going to Toya, who’s still singing, I need everybody to make a wisdom saving throw, please. TALIESIN: 16. TRAVIS: 14. LAURA: 21. SAM: 19. MARISHA: 20. LIAM: What is this, wisdom? 23. MATT: Yes. You guys are rolling some crazy fucking saving throws! MARISHA: Just saves. MATT: Jesus. Well, Toya keeps singing. She’s starting to cry now, you can see tears running down her face as you’re pushing her into the wall. That ends Toya’s turn, Beau and Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Am I within hitting range– me-me-me– Can I run away without getting hit? MATT: You don’t know. LAURA: Okay. Do you want to do something first? MARISHA: Go for it, I’m just going to be like: Shh, shut up! So go ahead. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to, with my duplicity self, get up on the roof. MATT: All right. LAURA: Right there. She’s going to Guiding Bolt straight in his face. MATT: Okay, go ahead and roll for the attack. Guiding Bolt is a ranged spell attack, correct? LAURA: Yes. Balls! Seven. MATT: Seven is not a hit. As you attempt to fire the bolt outward, the devil creature glances up and sees your secondary form and then ducks, as it blasts into the ground right by your feet, arcing past and exploding across the dirt and bits of– whatever it is there. The word escaped me in the moment. SAM: Gore! MATT: Yes. Well, no, I was going to say compost. There you go, compost was the word I was looking for. LAURA: Skinky-doodie! I am going to say: you are so stupid, why did you get up on the roof like that?! That’s why he saw you! I am going to run to the tree, straight back. MATT: Okay. As you come out of the way, the toad’s long-armed reach swipes out at you as a reaction. MARISHA: Jester has some self-deprecation issues? That is going to be 16 to hit. LAURA: It doesn’t hit me. 17. TRAVIS: You have AC 17? LAURA: I got a shield, bitches. MATT: As you run and dart, you see the giant arm coming down towards you, and you pull the shield up and it almost causes you to trip from the sheer force of the impact. But the brunt of it is taken by the shield as it scrapes off and you hear this horrible grinding of metal as its claws scoop across the outside of it. That ends your turn I believe. Beau. MARISHA: Okay, so I’ve got the little girl pinned, and I am going to go, shh. I am going to take my arm and– MATT: Are you trying to cover her mouth? MARISHA: Yep. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make an additional athletics check. MARISHA: I want to jam my whole forearm in her mouth. MATT: All right. Make an athletics check. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: It’s your forte, so– MARISHA: Ten! MATT: She rolled a ten as well. That is considered– MARISHA: A roll off! I get to roll again! (laughter) MATT: No, I believe for contesting… TRAVIS: Yeah, because if it was AC, it would be just enough. But– MATT: Right. I’m looking at contesting grapple checks here real fast. TALIESIN: Ah, learning. TRAVIS: (inaudible auctioneer voice) (laughter) LAURA: That was Fjord’s other job. TRAVIS: As a manure salesman. (laughter) MATT: Doesn’t say as part of the rules. I’ll say, for the hell of it, let’s roll it one more time. MARISHA: Okay! SAM: It’s a roll off! EVERYONE: Its a roll off! MARISHA: Dance battle! LIAM: Get back in there, Rocky! MARISHA: Ah– this one! Don’t fuck me, blue! No, that’s good, plus, my athletics, right? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: 16, thank you. MATT: Natural 18. This tiny little dwarf girl, her stout form still manages to pull your arm back from her mouth. The voice continues to billow outward. SAM: It’s because she is really a tentacle. She is part of him– MARISHA: Do I have a bonus action? MATT: Yeah, it was an attack, yeah. It was a grapple attack. You do. MARISHA: Can I try something else like that again, or do I just get an attack? MATT: I mean, what you want to do? MARISHA: Okay, my arm doesn’t work. I am going to– LAURA: Punch her in the face! LIAM: Knock her the fuck out! MARISHA: Yeah, I’m going to be like, fuck! I’m going to elbow her right in the temple and try and knock her out. MATT: Okay, make an attack. MARISHA: Natural 18. 24. MATT: That hits, roll damage. MARISHA: Right, 22, yes, 22. No, 24. I’m confused. Okay. TRAVIS: New characters. MARISHA: New characters, new characters. New character, who dis? Ah, yeah, okay, eight damage! MATT: Eight damage. Whack! As you smack her in the side of the head, her eyes loll back and she falls limp in your grasp. She’s unconscious. TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: The singing immediately stops. LAURA: Oh, he is going to be so pissed! TRAVIS: Oh yeah, tiny dancer coming. MARISHA: That’s all. That ends my turn right? I’m holding this girl? MATT: You have your movement. You are holding her there. MARISHA: Oh, I’m holding her? Can I drag her back a bit? Into the woods. MATT: Okay, it’s half movement to drag her. That’s as far as you can get. MARISHA: I’m going to be quiet. Can I support her head? MATT: As soon as the singing stops. (grunts) The toad looks over the shoulder and sees you dragging her back. What previously was this low, guttural growl becomes this bellowing scream of hatred. That ends your turn, Beau. LAURA: What are the odds you think that Yasha’s on this island and she’s going to come save us all? MATT: Caleb, your turn. LIAM: As soon as it starts roaring, I am surrounded, I have nowhere to go so I pull the diamond out, spin it, and the ice shards start to shoot and I pick it up and I throw it in his bellybutton. MATT: All right. You are in melee range with a creature doing a ranged spell attack, so go ahead and roll your attack. It has disadvantage. LIAM: That’s okay because if I move I am dicked. That’s not good. That’s terrible. The second one was so good though. That’s not great. That’s ten. MATT: Unfortunately, as you’re scared, the sound of its screaming causes you to shake as you release the blast. Unfortunately, your fingers lose the hold of your diamond for a moment and you have to actually catch it. As you do, the spell dissipates and fumbles. Anything else on your turn, Caleb? LIAM: I’m going to– Nope. I’m going to stay there and freeze. Freeze up. The cat’s a bird and she flies up straight. MATT: That ends Caleb’s turn. Nott, you’re up. TRAVIS: Warhorn. LAURA: Do something cool. SAM: I mean I can– seeing Caleb surrounded, Nott will leap on to the beast’s face and stab it in the neck. MATT: Which one, the toad? SAM: The big one. MATT: You will get an attack– SAM: I’ll disengage first. MATT Okay, so you disengage as a bonus action. Move over– LAURA: You knocked me off the roof. MATT: I’m sorry. LAURA: She didn’t feel anything. She doesn’t have actual nerves. MATT: Exactly. As you push away from the imp as it tries to strike at you, seeing your friend in serious danger here, you dive into the shadows, leap into the air. Go ahead and roll an attack. SAM: 19. MATT: 19 hits. Go ahead and roll damage plus sneak attack, because Caleb is in range. SAM: Nine, ten, plus fury of the small, 12. MATT: All right. So 12 points of damage. As you drive the blade into the devil toad, you see it plunge right to the hilt and it begins to bleed from the wound but its attention is still focused on the unconscious dwarf being dragged off by the monk. But that was a pretty sizeable blow. That ends your turn I believe. Fjord. TRAVIS: All right, I have a question. Hexblade’s Curse. If I do another bonus action, does Hexblade’s Curse keep going? It doesn’t say– it says if the curse ends early or the target dies or you die or you’re incapacitated, it drops but nothing else. MATT: Does it say it’s concentration? TRAVIS: It doesn’t say. MATT: Then I would say it’s not concentration TRAVIS: Fucking A. With my bonus action, can I cast Wrathful Smite? MATT: Yes you may. TRAVIS: May I charge el toad from hell-o? MATT: That you can. As you run through the space between that large rock and the exterior of the ruined building, your large blade, water drifts off of it behind. It seems to almost perpetually emanate its own source of water. You arc with the blade forward. Go ahead and make your strike. TRAVIS: 17 to hit. MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: Beautiful. This is a 1d8. MATT: Is it one-handed, or are you holding it with two hands? TRAVIS: I didn’t really say. MATT: You did not. TRAVIS: So I’ll go with the lower of the two. 1d8 plus four. 12 plus a 1d6 psychic damage and he has to make– MATT: Was it plus four, right? TRAVIS: It is plus four. MATT: Your charisma’s plus four. Then you get a plus two because of your Hex, so technically it’s 16. Sorry, 14. TRAVIS: Let’s see, 1d6 psychic damage, which is an additional one for 15. He makes a wisdom saving throw or he’s frightened until the end of the spell. MATT: That is going to be a 12. What’s the DC? TRAVIS: Oh, I think that’s lower than my 14. I’ve got a spell save DC, y'all! MATT: As you rush through the air and the blade arcs, the water seems to glow as it comes off, like it becomes phosphorescent and as he impacts the blade into the side of the demon toad, there’s a flash of light and what’s left behind is the scar that you’ve cut through its body is now burning with this reminiscent ember where you just carved through its hide. It looks down at you, averts its gaze from the monk for a second, and goes (confused snarling). For a split second, for the first time, you see fear in its red burning eyes. TRAVIS: Yes! MATT: How long does that last? TRAVIS: It lasts until he can make a wisdom check against the spell save DC. MATT: Again? Okay. So he has disadvantage on attacks and cannot move closer towards you. MARISHA: Amazing. TRAVIS: Yeah, he’s frightened. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. The imps are up now. This imp here is going to turn around and dart towards the cleric who ran off to the side and that one’s going to attack Caleb. Caleb, that is going to be a 12 to hit? LIAM: Deffo. MATT: That hits? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. So you suffer, as the stinger hits you, for seven points of piercing damage. I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. SAM: No problem. LIAM: That’s a 12. MATT: A 12 succeeds. So you only suffer five points of poison damage. LIAM: Caleb is unconscious on the ground. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: The other imp attacking you, Jester. That is going to be a natural 19. Pretty sure that hits you at 24. You take six points of piercing damage and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Jesus, these things are so vicious. SAM: And you lose all your gold. LAURA: God (angry muttering)– seven. LIAM: Jeez, this is going south guys. MATT: Actually, that’s not too bad. Six points of poison damage. LAURA: So 12 total? MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: Oh my god. MATT: All right, that’s going to end the imps’ turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: (groaning) Shit. LIAM and SAM: Get her done. TALIESIN: I’m going to get a little closer, I’m going to start running towards the ruins. MATT: That’s 30 feet there. TALIESIN: That’ll do it. I’m going to look at the imp and I’m, in Infernal, I’m going to say, to just– terrible: There’s nothing but death for you here. I’m going to attack Vicious Mockery on him and show him the bottom card. SAM: Are you a bard?! What the fuck? MATT: Variant tiefling. TALIESIN: I have to learn some– Yeah, that’s a– MATT: A wisdom saving throw? TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s a wisdom saving throw. MATT: That is going to be a no with a seven, I’m pretty sure. TALIESIN: I’m trying to figure out how this works but– LIAM: By the way, when Caleb went down those four balls of light disappeared. MARISHA: No! TALIESIN: It’s not a lot, but that’s four points of psychic damage and he has disadvantage on the next attack roll it makes. MATT: All righty, good to know. TALIESIN: That was just my bonus action, I’m going to use my action– MATT: Vicious Mockery is an action. TALIESIN: No that’s a– it is an action, you’re right. That’s what I’ve got right now. Just trying to get its attention. MATT: Okay. That ends your turn. It is now Kylre’s turn who is– (laughs) oh man, yeah. He was about to go right after Beau, but he’s scared of you and cannot move closer towards you. He’s going to take a swing at Nott. He’s like (panicked muttering) and try to squash the small thing right there, with disadvantage. That is 16. SAM: 16. MATT: 16’s your armor class? That hits. 11 points of piercing damage as the claw strikes out at you, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TALIESIN: Oh my god. We’re not doing well. SAM: Ten. MATT: Ten is just what you needed to succeed. The poison from the claws of the toad does not set into your system. TRAVIS: I can’t believe this shit. MARISHA: I know. Who’s down? You’re down? TALIESIN: He’s the only one who’s down but we’re all hurt. LAURA: And I’ve got a thing right in front of me so I can’t– MATT: Kylre’s going to– out of sheer panic now from you– try to flee. So he’s going to leap and land over here. You do both get attacks of opportunity on the toad. Would not have fled except for that fear effect. He’s like, “Fuck, I got to run.” SAM: 22. MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: 18. MATT: Hits. TRAVIS: Can I grab the sword with two hands, please? MATT: Sure. SAM: Eight points. MATT: Eight points of damage. You added sneak attack to that, right? SAM: Why do I get sneak attack? MATT: Because he is next to it. SAM: All right. 11 points. MATT: 11 points of damage. Nice. TRAVIS: 11 points of damage, and does that trigger another psychic attack? MATT: How does the effect on that work? TRAVIS: It says the next time you hit with a melee weapon attack during the spell’s duration your attack deals an extra 1d6. MATT: Yes, it does. TRAVIS: Okay. So that’s 11 plus five, so 16? MATT: 16 points of damage. All righty. TRAVIS: Concentration. Can’t use something else. Committed. MARISHA: It’s a bitch, isn’t it? Concentration’s a bitch. MATT: As an action it has to try and save against the spell, ending the effect. Damn, that’s crazy. All righty, so that being the case, that’s going to end Kylre’s turn. Lands, looks over at you hiding behind the tree– TALIESIN: Oh god, no. MATT: Toya, death saving throw. That’s a success. All righty, that brings us to Beau and Jester. What are you guys doing, Beau and Jester? LAURA: You can go first this time. MARISHA: I can go first? Who am I next to? Who’s Beau next to? MATT: You’re right here, next to Toya. MARISHA: And Fjord is in between… I’m too far away from everything. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Can I run– I want to pick her up– MATT: It’s half movement with her if you bring her. MARISHA: That’s fair. No, I’m sorry. I want to move this way towards Molly. MATT: Okay. Double move? MARISHA: Yeah, and I’ll try and get behind– I’ve got a 40-foot movement. MATT: That’s right. So you can get there. MARISHA: Okay. Do I have any type of bonus action or anything? MATT: You have your bonus action. MARISHA: Can I yell, Kylre! And I want to hold up the girl and be like, come get her! (laughter) TALIESIN: Fuck, man. MATT: Kylre, between the trees and being frightened of Fjord, doesn’t seem to notice you at the moment. He’s currently focused on the fear effect. MARISHA: Yeah, I tried. MATT: That’s all good. That ends your turn. Jester? LAURA: Okay. I’m going to cast– fuck– Cure Wounds on myself. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Glad you didn’t do Detect Evil? LAURA: Yeah. Oh, that’s good! Nine points of damage healed. Okay. Which is going to go away as soon as I turn and run away from the imp towards Fjord, around the trees so that the frog guy doesn’t get an attack on me. MATT: Well, you’re still in his combat range, actually. He has a ten-foot range. LIAM: Stay. Maybe he’ll be distracted by fear. MATT: He does have disadvantage on the attacks because of the fear effect, so that’s helpful. Do you want to run through this way? LAURA: I guess, yeah. TALIESIN: He can’t follow you. MATT: 30, that puts you there. Both the imp and Kylre get an– TALIESIN: Both have disadvantage. MATT: The imp because… TALIESIN: Vicious Mockery. MATT: Oh, that’s right, yeah. That’s right. TALIESIN: Part of the plan! LIAM: Damn. We’re in a tight spot. MATT: That Vicious Mockery brings the imp’s attack down to a nine, so the stinger whips past you. Kylre’s giant claw reaches out and tries to catch you as you run past. Natural 20 and a three. (relieved noises) MATT: That puts you at a nine, which I’m pretty sure misses. As you rush past, you hear the (boom) of the ground behind you and bits of dirt and rock throw up, tapping the back of your head from the impact of Kylre’s grasp hitting the ground. LAURA: I’m just running away saying: Shit, shit, shit! MATT: That ends your turn? LAURA: I guess so. MATT: That brings us to Caleb. I need you to make a death saving throw. LIAM: Success. MATT: Okay, that’s one success in that. Nott. SAM: There is an imp still in front of us? MATT: Yes. There is an imp that just knocked Caleb to the ground. LIAM: He’s going to fuck me up. SAM: Okay. I will just shoot him with an arrow. I’m like ten feet away? MATT: Yeah. 15 feet from him. SAM: 15 feet. I’ll draw and shoot. MATT: You pull out your hand crossbow. SAM: Oh boy, ten. MATT: Ten? That does not hit, unfortunately. It ducks out of the way. SAM: And then I will– TALIESIN: You have so few actions. SAM: I really do. I will cover Caleb’s body with mine. TALIESIN: Does that work? SAM: We’ll see. MATT: You move onto Caleb’s space and use your body as a shield. Okay, that ends Nott’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Let’s try to finish this motherfucker off. I run right past Jester as she’s going, “Shit, shit!” MATT: 30 is as close as you can get right there. TRAVIS: Which is not in melee. Damn! Eldritch Blast! MATT: You are in its melee range, which means you’ll have disadvantage on Eldritch Blast. Knowing that, you can take a step back. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll take one back. LIAM: Travis wouldn’t, but Fjord would know. TRAVIS: That is a 24. MATT: That definitely hits. Is it a natural 18? TRAVIS: It’s a 17. Plus six, 23. Sorry. That is eight plus four plus two. 12, 14, and the– MATT: Don’t do additional psychic damage, it has to be a melee weapon to do that. TRAVIS: Thank you. 14. MATT: 14 points of damage. All righty. Fjord, how do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: Oh shit! I run up. Stop. Realize how long its arms are. Flip the sword over. Look into the pommel, and fire it into his back, line him up. MATT: As the creature pulls its jammed hand out of the ground after trying to strike at Jester, it turns around to watch as you approach, and as you hold the pommel outward, the blast, lighting up its jaw, its eyes go to a bright pink with fear as it recoils from the blast. As it hits, the blast seems to be absorbed by its blubberous form. This crack begins to (cracking) across its body. It’s trying to hold itself together, and the scales begin to turn to ash. Like the inside of it burning out like the end of a cigarette, the embers glowing, incinerating the interior of its body as it slowly tries to hold its body together. It falls to its knees and then slowly the rest of its body tumbles away into ash and dust. TALIESIN: There is no body? MATT: The whole body doesn’t burn away. TALIESIN: We need a body! MATT: The wound where it impacted is burned up at this point. TALIESIN: Oh thank god. Is that imp still there? Is the imp still active? MATT: Two imps are still active, yes. That ends your turn, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: That imp is going to go after Nott, who is currently protecting the body. TALIESIN: I’m going to Blood Maledict. I’m going to Curse of the Eyeless on that imp. MATT: Which one, the one that is attacking Nott? TALIESIN: The one that is attacking Nott. MATT: Okay, so disadvantage on that one. That puts it at 14. SAM: 16. MATT: As its eyes cloud over, it swings with its stinger and you feel it just barely hit the tip of your hood and pull it back. But no impact from the stinger. One will attack you, Fjord. That is an 18. TRAVIS: That will hit. MATT: Yeah, it hits. TRAVIS: You motherfucker. MATT: You suffer seven points of piercing damage, and I need you to roll a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Copy that. MARISHA: Big money! That’s not big money! TRAVIS: That is not big money. I’m pretty sure that is low, because that is a two. Yeah, that’s a six. MATT: 3d6 of poison damage, that is 14 points of poison damage. LAURA: Are you still alive? TRAVIS: No, I’m unconscious. TALIESIN: Oh for fuck’s sake. SAM: From an imp? MATT: That stinger is no joke, man. LAURA: Wouldn’t that be funny if we killed the thing and then died from the imps? That would be so funny. MATT: After the creature that summoned it is gone, the imp turns and as it runs toward you, you try and prepare, and its stinger pushes past your leather armor and pierces right through your sternum and poison hits the inside of your system, right where the heart and lungs are and you feel them seize up. Your eyes and sight go to darkness. That ends both imps’ goes. Molly, you are up. TALIESIN: I’m running at the closest imp. Can I get there? MATT: You can get there. TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to take two swings. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: For fuck’s sake. Nope. That was a ten. MATT: No. You try and swing, the blind rage in your eyes, but the imp whose eyesight you had cursed, hearing you approaching, manages to just get out of your range. Sorry man, that sucks. All right, that brings us to Beau and Jester’s turn. LAURA: I’m going to turn and say: Oh, help me, Traveler! I’m going to cast Word of Radiance. SAM: It’s pronounced “verd.” LAURA: Which will hit both of the imps with 1d6 radiant damage. MATT: What is the spell? LAURA: It’s Word of Radiance. Each creature of my choice I can see must succeed on a constitution saving throw. MATT: Constitution saving throw? Thank you. LAURA: Of 13. MATT: Five and 16. The one over Fjord succeeds, the one over Nott does not. What does it do? LAURA: 1d6 radiant. Six damage! MATT: Six points of damage to the one over Nott? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: That’s the one that someone damaged. LAURA: Yeah, that’s the one he cursed. MATT: Yeah, with Vicious Mockery. That’s enough to do it. This bright, whitish-blue light begins to burn up its body. As it tries to fly away, you watch its body burn away like flash paper. MARISHA and TRAVIS: That is cool. TALIESIN: Can you bonus action anybody? LAURA: That was an action. TALIESIN: Stabilize someone? MATT: No, that’s a feat. LAURA: As a bonus can I– I don’t even have a healing potion. TRAVIS: There is one on the map. LAURA: I’m going to run over to– oh shit, the imp is still over top of Fjord. LIAM: Yes, that’s the threat. LAURA: I’m going to make my illusion jump down and start charging at the imp over Fjord. TALIESIN: That’s smart. MATT: That ends your turn. That brings us to Beau. MARISHA: Once again, there is no way I can break through the grounds and get to this imp, is there? MATT: No. TALIESIN: You could dash. LIAM: You can get there and draw attention. TRAVIS: How many imps are left? TALIESIN and MATT: One. MARISHA: I gave my healer’s kit to her, so there’s nothing I can do to try and bring the girl back? LIAM: You can soak up damage. TALIESIN: She has got two more rounds regardless. MARISHA: She does. She’s already saved one. MATT: Actually I need to make another. Okay, success. TALIESIN: Yay! MARISHA: Damn, there’s not a lot I can do. I guess I’ll run up. Just there. Can I pick up a rock and throw a rock and be like: Get! Get on! MATT: Sure, we’ll call it an improvised weapon. MARISHA: Get! MATT: You’re not proficient. So go ahead and roll a straight attack roll. LIAM: In the dark. MATT: Yes, with disadvantage. MARISHA: Four. 14. I guess that’s a four. So ten. MATT: You hear it clatter against a tree in the distance. MARISHA: Yah! Yah! TRAVIS: Damn trash pandas, get out of here! MATT: Caleb, make another death saving throw, please. TALIESIN: How are you doing, man? LIAM: That’s a success. MATT: Two successes. All righty. Nott. SAM: Okay, with one hand I will try to cover the bleeding wounds of Caleb, and with the other hand, not even looking, I’ll just fire my crossbow at the other– (laughter) SAM: At the other imp-y thing. MATT: Okay. Go for it. SAM: One. MATT: That’s what happens when you don’t look! SAM: I should’ve looked! MATT: All right. Roll one more attack roll for me, please. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: That’s a six. MATT: Six? You hear a (metallic sound) across your shield as a bolt from a hand crossbow almost hits you, Jester. SAM: I’m blinded by tears! (laughter) TALIESIN: This is– oh man, one imp is going to kill us all. One fucking imp. MATT: All right. Nott, does that end your turn? SAM: I mean, I can’t do anything. I can run over to the other thing, but I can’t do anything, so– TALIESIN: We have to stabilise Fjord, is what we’ve got to do. SAM: And my boy– TALIESIN: Caleb? Caleb’s doing okay. LIAM: I have two successes. Not that you know that. SAM: I don’t know that, but… I’m just staying. MATT: Fjord, I need you to make a death saving throw. It’s been a long time since you’ve had to make one of these in the game. TRAVIS: Three. MATT: That’s a fail. All righty. MARISHA: Is that your first fail? MATT: Top of the round. The imp– I’m going to make a perception check for that imp. That’s not good enough. The imp is going to go ahead and fly over and attempt to take a swing at your duplicity illusion. MARISHA: That’s good. MATT: Okay. Does anything happen when the illusion is hit? LAURA: It doesn’t say! It just says for the duration you can cast spells as though you were in the illusion’s space. MATT: Let me check just in case. LAURA: I have advantage on attack rolls against the creature if we’re both within five feet of each other. MATT: Okay, yes. So just an illusion. So it strikes and its stinger passes through with no effect and it seems confused and figures it out. So now it knows that it’s an illusion, but it wasted its attack that round. Illusions come in handy for that. All right, that ends their turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m running right at it. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: Let’s try some different dice here. For fuck’s sake! I’ve got to stop rolling that die. This is– yeah, no. LAURA: Both of them fucked you again. TALIESIN: 11? MATT: 11 does not hit. It’s too quick. You swing twice more and it’s doing figure-eights around your blades. It’s frustrating the shit out of you. LAURA: Poor Molly. His arms are getting so tired swinging both those blades. TALIESIN: This is so embarrassing. LIAM: The dice don’t give a shit– MATT: All right. Toya– TALIESIN: This is so embarrassing. MATT: –succeeds on her third death saving throw and stabilizes. No, she’s stabilised. A natural 20 is what we’d need to see for the one. All right, so that brings us to Beau and Jester. LAURA: Do you want to attack the imp? MARISHA: I’ll– yeah. TALIESIN: Do you get advantage because I’m engaged with it? MATT: No. It doesn’t work that way. MARISHA: I’m not a rogue. MATT: That’s right. MARISHA: So seeing everyone dodge this thing, I’m just like– MATT: I mean, if you’re flanking it, I’ll allow advantage on the attack. Which is like, as long as you’re on the complete opposite side of the foe– TRAVIS: There is a convention around the imp right now. MATT: So you can– I’ll say you can get advantage. LIAM: Everyone’s like, “Hey, hey, hey!” MATT: Essentially, yeah. TALIESIN: Ugh, look at it scoot! God! MATT: So yeah, you can if you want to. MARISHA: So I’m just going to run up and be like, stupid! I’m going to try and stomp it. MATT: So you’re going to try and knock it to the ground and stomp on it, is that what you’re doing? Because it’s flying in the air. All right, first strike. So attack with advantage. LIAM: It’s like that video from Ireland. Catch it, daddy! MARISHA: With advantage, right? That hits. 15, natural. With my two-handed staff? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Wait. I’ve already hit. Forget that. Forget that! Eight, so 12 damage. MATT: All right, so the first attack crushes the imp and it hits the ground, the wings go limp and it’s dead, but you still (yells) and stomp down, just crushing it more and more. And then its body eventually just burns away into ash. So all the threats have been neutralised and you now have two friends that are bleeding out. LAURA: Okay, then I’m going to run over to Fjord and cast Cure Wounds on him so he wakes up. MATT: You come back to consciousness. LAURA: With five hit points. SAM: I will try to stabilise Caleb using no– MATT: Caleb, I need you to make a death save. LIAM: Death save? Fail. MATT: All righty. Make a medicine check. SAM: Natural 20. And I will do mouth-to-mouth. MATT: I will say for the purposes of this, you watch as Nott pulls the porcelain mask back and just gives Caleb the most terrifying mouth-to-mouth you’ve ever seen. Caleb, the darkness fades and you come to consciousness. The first things you notice are the cold temperature, the taste of iron in your mouth, and the vision of Nott pulling away from you like a terrifying Nosferatu. TRAVIS: Oh Jesus! Like Willem Dafoe as– LIAM: Caleb goes (yelps), and I cast Dancing Lights into the goblin and light her up! Ah! TRAVIS: Even worse. MATT: (laughs) Temporarily blinded. LIAM: What the hell happened? MARISHA: It’s like 2am and the lights come on at the club. SAM: Ugh, that’s what she looked like? (laughter) LAURA: Oh man, I start dancing around in a circle with my illusion. We did it, guys! MATT: You watch as two Jesters start doing a little skip. MARISHA: I immediately run to Toya. TALIESIN: I was about to say, I’m going to run to Toya and pick her up. I’ve got her. I’ve got her. MARISHA: Do you– I’ve got her. I could hold her, though. TALIESIN: I’ve got her. MARISHA: Why– TALIESIN: Because you were the last face she saw? I should probably be the first. Thank you. You did the right thing. You don’t need to be the first thing she sees. She’ll just start screaming all over again. Thank you. TRAVIS: Anything of the toad? TALIESIN: We’re going to need him. LAURA: Oh yeah. I want to go over and start searching his body. TRAVIS: I thought it burned away, no? MATT: A large part of the torso just burned away. The inside is partially burned out to embers in the blast, but there’s still probably 60 percent of the body remaining. LIAM: DM, am I at one hit point at this moment? It was zero. MATT: You would be at one hit point when you come to consciousness. I’m giving you that because of the natural 20. Any other roll, you would just be stabilised. LIAM: True love’s kiss. MATT: Exactly. (laughs) LAURA: Investigation or perception? MATT: This is investigation, because you’re poring through the– LAURA: 14. MATT: 14. You find a small pouch of flesh, like a little hiding pouch that you kind of reach in a little bit and it has kind of a mucus-y liquid on the inside. As you reach in, your fingers find what appear to be a few small stones you can feel at the tip of your fingers. Do you pull them out? LAURA: Okay. MATT: You pull it out. It’s a handful of jewels. Looks like rings, necklaces. There’s actually a few stolen pieces of jewelry that are in the pouch as well as a few coin. LAURA: What? This is awesome. Here, Fjord, I found a cloister of seamen for you. TRAVIS: What is it? What did you give me? What is this? LAURA: It’s a bag of stuff that I think you will like. I already removed all the fancy stuff from it though. SAM: So it’s just gooey flesh? TALIESIN: That’s definitely a cloister. It’s a nu-gget. TRAVIS: That’s foul. MATT: But other than that, it is devoid of any other items or objects and it looks like that was its running fund. LAURA: Whoa! I put all of the jewels on my fingers. MATT: They’re still slick but easy to put on because they’re lubricated. LAURA: Nott, look at me. SAM: Those are very nice. LAURA: Aren’t these pretty rocks? SAM: They are very pretty, yes. Where did you find them? LAURA: On the bag. SAM: On the bag? Can I have one? LAURA: Yes, but first, can I use a ritual spell? Does that work against– Yeah. I can do ritual spells? MATT: You can do ritual spells and it won’t take a spell slot, just takes ten minutes more of casting time to do it. LAURA: Can I Detect Magic on it? MATT: You may. So you take a little bit of time concentrating on it. At the end of the spell, you send out your extended consciousness, but they do not resonate anything magical. LAURA: Hmm, they’re just plain rings, but they’re very pretty. MATT: They are pretty. MARISHA: What are you going to do with the girl? TALIESIN: (sighs) Get her back home. MARISHA: Where’s home for a traveling circus? SAM: What if she’s evil? TALIESIN: I know. We’re going to have a talk. LAURA: We should bring her to the– SAM: Authorities. LAURA: So that she can defend us. So that she can tell everyone that the fiend was bad. MARISHA: I don’t know if she feels that way. TALIESIN: I don’t know if she feels that way either, but although– it’s going to take some time, I think. And also, we’re going to need the body, and honestly, only one of us was here. For those at home, I’m pointing at Caleb. TRAVIS: Well, why was he the only one? TALIESIN: Because the rest of us are under arrest. TRAVIS: That’s very true. TALIESIN: So congratulations on single-handedly defeating the creature that killed several guards. I’m sure you will be well-rewarded and compensated. LAURA: You are a very powerful wizard. LIAM: Yeah, you know, ain’t nothing. (coughs) (high-pitched) Oh! TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s how I feel. LAURA: Can I use my healing kit and help heal him? Does that work, or does it just bring somebody back to consciousness? MATT: It just helps stabilise. There’s a feat you can take that makes it do more. LAURA: Oh really? Okay, cool. LIAM: Do you have any anything left in you? LAURA: I got nothing. LIAM: Well, okay. LAURA: I can heal you in the morning. LIAM: Or we could just sit here for a bit and I could catch my breath, I think. LAURA: We can rest for 30 minutes or an hour or so. TALIESIN: Let’s take a rest. MATT: All right. As you guys sit here in the quiet, you can hear the crickets now; the rest of the sound of the forest has fallen away and the din of the battle has vanished. The moonlight gets a bit brighter as the moon climbs higher in the sky. And you all kind of look around at each other. Through this haphazard series of events you’ve come to assemble a skillset that seems to overlap pretty well. And hopefully it’s enough to clear your name. But we’ll find that out next week. So we’re going to end the episode. We’ll be back to continue that thread next Thursday. MARISHA: But I want to, like, keep going. MATT: I know, but it’s 10:45! LAURA: I would just like to say that as we’re resting there, I’m closing my eyes and keeping a hand down close to Nott with my rings on my fingers. SAM: I’m going to try to take one off. MATT: Sleight of hand. SAM: Eight– 26. MATT: I don’t even think you have high enough perception at all. You have a very nice– LAURA: It was all the mucus on the ring. MATT: Yep. SAM: I’m just going to say, I did it. (laughter) LAURA: I’m so proud of you. MATT: Aw. And we’ll leave it at that. All right, thank you guys so much for watching. I’m excited to continue this next week. LIAM: Man, I got the full wizard experience tonight. MATT: Yeah, you did! (laughter) MATT: Oh man. Well done, that’s your first boss fight of the campaign! MARISHA: Oh my god! TALIESIN: That was so unpleasant. LAURA: Good job, Fjord! MATT: Two of you went down. MARISHA: Does this mean we level up? MATT: Well, because we are doing milestone leveling with this campaign– SAM: What does that mean? MATT: That means there’s no experience points, but at the end of each major story beat, like a big moment that I see fit, then everyone will level up together. MARISHA: So do you see fit? MATT: I will see fit when this arc concludes, so end of next episode, probably, everyone’s going to hit level three. So start thinking about– for those of you who have to choose a path, think about what you want to do if you haven’t already. TALIESIN: I think I’m going to multiclass. LIAM: Seven times. TALIESIN: Master of none. MATT: Not even passable. (laughs) All right, thank you guys so much for watching. Thank you again, D&D Beyond, for being our awesome partner and sponsor for the leg of this campaign. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and is it Thursday yet? Have a good night. TRAVIS: We lived! MARISHA: We lived! Episode three! MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. (cheering) MATT: Welcome. Thank you for joining us. Before we jump in to tonight’s episode, we’re going to go ahead and do some quick announcements. First and foremost, our returning sponsor and long-time partner for this campaign’s beginning, on into the foreseeable future, hopefully: D&D Beyond. They’ve been awesome. Sam, do you have a few words you want to say? SAM: Guys, hi! Sam Riegel, here. It’s award season, so tonight I’m going to announce the D&D Beyond Awards. The envelope, please! TRAVIS: Paper cut. SAM: Okay, nervous, really nervous. There’s nothing in here. Best discount codes for books in the D&D Beyond store? The winner is: beginnings. “Beginnings” is the discount code! Best URL on the entire internet? The winner is: DNDBeyond.com! Best picture– LAURA: This is so stupid. SAM: La La Land. It’s Moonlight. (cheering) MARISHA: Old jokes. SAM: Best way to build a Blood Hunter? Activate Critical Role content on DNDBeyond.com! Best supporting actor? Sam Riegel. Best job opening at a D&D-related internet company? Front-End Developer. I guess they’re looking for a front-end developer. Someone will put a URL somewhere on here. MATT: At careers.com is where you can go to the Careers tab. SAM: Thank you, D&D Beyond, for being our official– What are they calling it? LAURA: Sponsor? SAM: No, not sponsor. They’re the official tool set of Critical Role. LAURA: Oh, that’s cool. TRAVIS: Well done! Is that the first annual– SAM: The first annual awards show. What should we call them? Not the Oscars. The Critters. No. The Sponsees. LAURA: Ooh, The Sponsees. That’s fancy. LIAM: That was strangely manic and desperate. MARISHA: Isn’t every awards show, though? LIAM: Did you literally write that in the bathroom six minutes ago? SAM: For sure. MATT: I feel like Kendrick Lamar should’ve won at least two of those, but… Thank you, Sam. Thank you, D&D Beyond. You can find them on DNDbeyond.com. That’s DNDbeyond.com. Next up, based on tonight’s episode, we’ll have next Tuesday, at 7:00PM Pacific Time, here on Twitch and Alpha, Talks Machina, where members of the cast will come, with our fantastic Brian W. Foster, to discuss what transpires tonight. You get to ask questions and submit them, so do so. Asinine Wisdom, next week on Geek & Sundry Twitch, has a special guest. I believe our very own Sam Riegel will be there. SAM: Oh, god. LAURA: You’re actually doing something else on the internet? SAM: I always do shows on Geek & Sundry, and this is no change. What’s the show called again? MATT: Asinine Wisdom. It’s at 9:00PM on Tuesday, Pacific Time, after Talks Machina. A double-dose of Sam Riegel, which is a lot. We have a new show coming up here, featuring the Weave RPG, from The Monocle Society, called Weave. That’ll be showing next Wednesday night at 9:30 Pacific Standard Time, here on the Twitch Channel. Check it out then. It has a great cast of Amy Dallen, Gina DeVivo, Whitney Moore, Becca Scott, and Stef Woodward, so check it out! I hope you like it. Weave is really awesome. I’m really excited to see that. The podcast of episode three last week released today, so if you missed the last episode, or have friends who have been trying to keep up with the podcast, last week’s episode is available for download. Once again, we have issue number four of Critical Role: Vox Machina Origins. It’s available for download digitally, on Comixology, the Dark Horse app, and all other places where fine digital comic books are sold. TRAVIS: Go get it, rate it, love it. Show us that you’re reading it. LIAM: Burn it. Not the book, Laura’s die. SAM: I’ve got to help her choose her dice. MATT: No! Why would you do that? You know better! SAM: I’ve already cursed two of them. LAURA: They’re out. All the ones that got selected tonight are shades of pinks, purples and blues and I think it’s lovely. MATT: It’s like watching a video of guys putting their hands in alligator mouths. Like, why would you do that? It’s entertaining for us, but why would you do that? Once again, our fantastic charity, 826LA. If you get the opportunity to either give and help out or donate your time to help teach any of their fantastic classes to help children learn creative writing in environments where it’s hard to find that type of tutelage. It’s a great program. Check it out at your local 826 chapter and see if you can help out. MARISHA: Tell them you want to run a D&D game for them. MATT: I think that’s it. LAURA: That was so fast, though! MATT: I know. SAM: The comic book is out. LAURA: What about our appearances coming up? LIAM: I’m going to be at BAK-Anime this weekend. Two days only in Bakersfield, California. I will talk and I will go out in public. LAURA: Me and Travis– TRAVIS: Travis and I– LAURA: Travis and I are going to be at Emerald City Comic Con the first weekend in March. MATT: I’ll be at Lexington Comic and Toy Con in Lexington, Kentucky. That’s March 9th to the 11th. I’ll be at Otafest in Calgary, up north, May 18th to the 20th. TRAVIS: Keep it within a few months, for the love of– MATT: And A-Kon in Texas, June 7th to the 10th. If you are anywhere near those regions. I’ve said before, I’m going to take this off the sheet for the future. We’ve said that a lot now. Hey, it’s not my job to update that sheet. Anyway guys, I’ll remember this. MARISHA: You should go check out Good Fortnight Kevin on Alpha because it’s a morning show and it’s funny. It’s dumb and it’s super meta. MATT: Super meta funny dumb show. All right. It appears that the dice have been culled. LAURA: We’re on the last one, so we’re solid. MATT: Then let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, our group of adventurers had found their various individual fates come together here in the city of Trostenwald, where they had attended a carnival that had blown into town, had watched a horrible occurrence happen where one of the older attendees transformed into this terrifying zombie creature. Upon defeating it, you were all put under investigation as possible culprits for the reason that it occurred. In trying to wander the city to investigate and try and clear your name, you eventually found that there was a fiend hiding amongst these carnival workers. This large devil-like toad creature, which through some research you had found to actually be called a nergaliid, had killed two more of the guards, leaving you to fend with their transformed forms, and then fled deep into the center of the Ustaloch Lake. (clattering off-camera) MATT: Thank you for the punctuation. Upon gathering your supplies after a night’s rest, you managed to, through the trade of a bottle of wine, get passage across the lake onto the central island, which at one time housed the abode of a witch that had long collapsed. Waiting for nightfall, you approached the center of the grove that existed there on the island and found near this ruin this same fiendish nergaliid, as well as Toya, the 12-year-old dwarf girl who had been affixed to him for the performances in the carnival. You did battle with this large fiendish entity who summoned a cluster of imps and managed to knock a few of you pretty heavily to the ground before you finished it off. We left off as you all were finishing licking your wounds, catching your breath, and now as the moonlit night gets its darkest in the sky, you figure out what the next step is in gathering means of absolving yourselves of suspicion. As you’ve all now taken a moment to yourselves, you can hear the sound of the nearby crickets getting more and more deafening as the silence crawls over the center of the lake. Toya, the young girl, still lies unconscious. The remains of the devil toad, still partially burnt from the final blow delivered by Fjord, are mostly intact above its shoulders, head, and its legs. What would you like to do? TRAVIS: Ow. We’re all fucked up. LAURA: Does anybody need any healing? SAM: Oh, are you alive right now? TRAVIS: We’re up. Just barely. LAURA: You need some? LIAM: I’m really shabby at the moment. LAURA: Oh, that’s too bad because I don’t have any spells left. LIAM: That’s good. Let’s go back and talk to the cops. LAURA: Should we do something with this body? TALIESIN: I think we need to bring it. I think we’re going to need a trophy. LIAM: What about just its head? TALIESIN: That’ll do. TRAVIS: It’s a big head. It might be all we can take. LAURA: I don’t know if it’ll fit on the boat. Would it fit on the boat that we came out on? MATT: How much of the body? LAURA: The whole body. MATT: The whole body with all of you could probably fit. It doesn’t have the usual– you could probably fit it. SAM: How about just the head? MATT: The head it would probably do, but the full body, I’d have to make a few rolls. TALIESIN: I’m going to give the body a quick search to see if there’s anything. MATT: You already did. LAURA: Yeah, I got a bunch of rings. See? TALIESIN: Do I recognize any of these rings? MATT: No, you do not. TALIESIN: All right. That’s disturbing. SAM: I got one, too. TRAVIS: Has the head been damaged at all, or is it mostly intact? MATT: It’s mostly intact. There are a few gashes on it from the general fray, but for the most part it’s still a solid head. TRAVIS: Molly, you’ve got them impressive swords. You want to do some hacking? TALIESIN: Suppose I should. MARISHA: I’d say you have a pretty impressive sword, too. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and carve off the head. MATT: Okay. It’s a tough form. Not only is the exterior of its flesh blubbery and a heavy rubber-like substance that is glistening with whatever mucus-like liquid it naturally produces, but then beneath it, the muscle sinew is extremely tough. It takes you the better part of 20 minutes to finally get the head entirely off the rest of the torso. It weighs enough to the point where you’re going to need one or two other hands to get it anywhere. TRAVIS: That’s an artiste at work right there. TALIESIN: This is as far as I go one this one. That’s way too heavy for me. LIAM: It’s all you, blue. MARISHA: I’ll help you out. TALIESIN: I’m going to grab Toya. LAURA and MARISHA: (groaning) LAURA: Is Toya waking up at all? MATT: Toya is passed out. You’d have to try and rouse her. LAURA: It’s probably best not to wake her up while we’re carrying this head around. TALIESIN: I think that’s a very good idea. MARISHA: Yeah, this is frightening. LIAM: The imps burned away? MATT: Yes, they turned to ash. LAURA: Does he have hair? What are we carrying him by? MARISHA: Yeah, what are we carrying him by? MATT: Along the brow line there are these small holes that could be breathing holes. You’d have to carry it from there, under the socket, or under the jaw. LIAM: Because that’s what you want to stick your finger in. TRAVIS: Yeah, totally. The mucus hole. MARISHA: I grab the jaw and I say: “Hey, Jester.” TALIESIN: I did share meals with this person for two straight years. Never mind. I’m walking away. TRAVIS: We are fucking with his old co-worker. TALIESIN: I’m already walking away. I took the kid and am walking to the boat. LAURA, MARISHA and TRAVIS: Sorry! LIAM: Caleb just retched into the grass from watching that. LAURA: All right, let’s carry him. TALIESIN: You’re the worst. You’re all the worst. LAURA: Fjord, I gave you the bag of skin. Don’t forget you have that. TRAVIS: I have it? LAURA: You have the bag of slimy skin. TRAVIS: I’m going to salt it and hang it out to dry. LIAM: If it will help tomorrow or today– what time is it? It’s the middle of the night, isn’t it? MATT: You approached just after dusk, so between the slow moving in there, the combat, and the rest afterward it’s probably close to 10:00PM. LIAM: I know exactly what time it is, don’t I? Yeah. TRAVIS: You know exactly what time it is? LIAM: It’s something I’ve always been able to– why is everybody looking at me like– (vomiting sound) LAURA: Where’s Frumpkin? LIAM: (fwoosh) LAURA: Oh, good. MATT: At this point, Molly, as you’re ahead of the group and you’re making your way through the trees, Toya begins to stir in your grasp. Her eyes open a bit as you’re holding her and she looks up at you, confused, eyes lolling around in the sockets for a moment before they see you and clarify. “Molly?” TALIESIN: I know, dear. You’ve been through a bit. There’s been some bad business. MATT: “What happened?” TALIESIN: (sighs) A friend turned on us, but it’s going to be all right. I’m going to get you home, all right? MATT: “Wait, where’s Kylre?” She starts trying to fight your grasp. TALIESIN: I’ll explain it later. MATT: She’s going to try and break free of your grasp. Are you going to attempt to hold onto her? TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. LIAM: How far away are they from the rest of us? MATT: While you guys have been doing all this, he’s gone on ahead. He’s probably a good 40 to 50 feet ahead. Go ahead and roll an athletics check. TALIESIN: You’re a monster. LAURA: Oh, no! TRAVIS: Tell me you did it. TALIESIN: No, it’s not that bad. LAURA: Oh, it looked like a one from this angle. Still pretty terrible. TRAVIS and MARISHA: (chanting) Level two. LAURA: You were rolling bad on this the last game. You need to stop rolling that one. MATT: Yeah, that dice needs to go away. TALIESIN: I’ve got some new stuff coming in. LAURA: All right. MARISHA: It’s coming across the border. It’s real good. TALIESIN: Coming in from the Feywild. MATT: You can choose athletics or acrobatics. TALIESIN: Oh. Can I reroll? MATT: No. TALIESIN: Then that’s nine. MATT: That still beats her. She rolled a five. All right, wanted to double-check. She’s scrambling and as you pull her back she tries to fight for a second and then goes limp in your grasp and goes, “I’m scared.” TALIESIN: I know. It’s going to be a bit rough, but it was for the best. I’m so sorry. Some people just turn, I’m so sorry. MATT: “What happened?” TALIESIN: He got sick. There was something inside him. There was something that made him do some bad things, but it had to be taken care of. You’re going to be all right. MATT: She gets really quiet for a second. You get to the boat and the gentleman earlier that you had passed the wine off to is sitting there waiting. He has a small pouch that’s opened with some dried meat that he’s chewing on as he’s waiting. As you guys walk up, he says: “Oh, I see you’ve finished.” LAURA and MARISHA: (groaning) MATT: (shouting) “What in the hell is that?!” MARISHA: Move! LAURA: We told you we were having a party, man! LIAM: I was just about to suggest covering that up, but you know, all cards on the table. MATT: He grabs his bag of dried meat, pulls it up, and backs up. “I didn’t know– What is that? What “did you do? What is that?” MARISHA: I said we were going to be doing some frog digging. TALIESIN: Biggest frog you’ve ever seen. MATT: There’s a pause before this tiny screeching sound begins to emit from Toya. This high pitched and barely audible squeak as Toya begins to scream. LAURA: I take off my cloak and I cover the head with it. TALIESIN: I was trying to keep her away from that. MATT: It’s hard to keep her away from that. TRAVIS: We literally cut the head off Barney and shoved it in her face. (singsong) I love you. TALIESIN: The Barney that been raising her, yes. Really take that in. Off to a great start. MATT: After Jester throws her cloak over Toya– LAURA: No, not Toya. Over the head. TALIESIN: I’m trying to keep her quiet. MATT: She’s sobbing into your arms at this point. You feel her body shaking against your grasp. LAURA: I feel so bad. TALIESIN: You should. SAM: Poor girl. TALIESIN: I’m going to take her to the front of the boat and keep her far away from all that. LIAM: I pull Fjord away for a moment, about ten or 15 feet away. This man in the boat has seen all of you who are supposed to be under house arrest. We cannot have him talking to the authorities. SAM: Should we kill him? LIAM: Jeez! Come here. TRAVIS: I have a good feeling that this guy is a man of upstanding nature. I’m sure he’ll keep it to himself. LIAM: Oh, that’s very trusting. TRAVIS: Yeah, of course. SAM: We gave him one bottle of wine. That’s not very much. TRAVIS: We have another bottle. Don’t we? MARISHA: Yes? LIAM: Oh, you’re here too, now. Great, it’s a party. MARISHA: We could also toss him a bit of gold if we think it would make him forget the night. TRAVIS: After all, we came to him, right? I would prefer not to use any violence. LIAM: I’m not suggesting that, but it’s either violence or giving him a little something. MARISHA: What makes you think he’s going to go talk to the authorities? LIAM: You want to leave it to chance? MARISHA: Who cares? SAM: This is a small town, Beau. Everyone talks to everyone. You taught us that. MARISHA: I did, but everyone also hated the circus. LIAM: Molly, do you want to join this conversation? TALIESIN: I’ve been listening. I pull out a gold coin. Give him this. LAURA: Maybe one more. Or two more. MARISHA: I pull two out as well. LAURA: I’ll pull three out. MATT: He’s recessed to the very back of his boat, wide-eyed as you approach. TRAVIS: You’re right. Coin is a good idea. LAURA: Go charm him, Fjord. You’re very charming. MARISHA: You’ve got fisherman vibes. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. Wait a minute. How long did that fight take? MATT: You’ve returned to your normal half-orc form. TRAVIS: Oh, cool. Okay. There was an old man who was with us before. TALIESIN: And now there’s a little girl. It’s all coming full circle. TRAVIS: Maybe we give him the extra bottle of wine and you go talk to him. LIAM: Walking up to the boat– MARISHA: Here. (clink) LIAM: Collecting it as I go. The thing of it is, we’ve just done Trostenwald– what was that? Never mind. –a great service. There was an unsavory element– did you know the circus was in town? Doesn’t matter. There was a bad fellow– that’s his head– with them. It’s no fault of theirs. You pick weird folk up on the road in the circus. Isn’t that right, Mollymauk? TALIESIN: I’ll let that go. MATT: He reaches over, grabs the oar from the side, and lifts the cloak off the face. LIAM: That’s going to rile you up. That’s a bad idea. MATT: “It doesn’t look like a savory creature.” LAURA: It wasn’t. Trust us. TALIESIN: Took a lot out of us. LIAM: But the situation in town is a little political. We’re going to take this thing out of here and I’m going to report it to the authorities. We don’t really want to create a stir and frighten people here. I hope you will take– LAURA: We like to be unsung heroes. You know, like superheroes with secret identities. MARISHA: Yeah, we’re an underground anonymous activist group. LAURA: Yeah, that helps people. But if everyone knows who we are, it’ll be much harder to fight all the crime. LIAM: Try to focus on the gold. MATT: He slowly reaches out and takes it from your hand. “All right. I trust it was a bad thing. So "I’m going to take you back, and then you promise I’ll never see you again?” LAURA: We’ll try really hard to not let you see us. TALIESIN: If you see us, we won’t make eye contact. LAURA: We’ll pretend we don’t know you. MATT: “That includes the goblin.” SAM: I was never here. We never had this conversation. LAURA: She’s a halfling. MATT: He glances over and takes a closer look. SAM: I’m very ugly for a halfling. MATT: “Let’s just get back to shore.” He grabs the oar, takes the bottle of wine that he had mostly drunk by himself before, and polishes it off in one series of gulps. LAURA: Don’t boat drunk. MATT: As you all gather up onto the ship, he begins to paddle you back towards the western shore of the Ustaloch to the outskirts of Trostenwald. MARISHA: When we get to the shore, we should probably split up. LAURA: How are we going to get this giant head to the authorities? MARISHA: That’s a good question. LAURA: Oh, I got an idea! Why don’t you go get a wagon as soon as we get to shore, and we’ll help you load it onto the wagon, and then you just take it on in yourself. TALIESIN: It’s a shame we didn’t just get rid of a wagon not more than one night ago. SAM: Why do we need to take it with us? Us traipsing through town with a giant head seems like it would draw focus. Why don’t we just put it somewhere and send the authorities out here to find it later? TALIESIN: Someone else may get to it, or something might happen. SAM: What are they going to do with it? It’s a big head! MARISHA: We could leave someone with it, and we can just– TRAVIS: I could stand guard as a crownsguard next to it. TALIESIN: What could people do with the head of a creature like this? MATT: What could people do with the head of a creature like this? Who knows. TALIESIN: Would I know? LAURA: They could make a lot of soup. MATT: They could turn it in for– there’s a lot of poor folk here. If they had a large looking odd creature, that’s worth some gold. SAM: We can hide it. Maybe some of us have skills to hide things. LIAM: I think Fjord had a good idea, which is if you can disguise yourself as a crownsguard again, you wait with it. You guys get back to the tavern, yeah? MARISHA: You can go and alert the authorities. LIAM: Now, here’s the thing. I may be speaking out of turn– I know I don’t know you very well, but it feels like the thing that we all share in common here is that we don’t wish to make– maybe not you– make a big splash here. TRAVIS: Agreed. The less attention, the better. LAURA: Well, you know, whatever. TRAVIS: The less attention, the better. TALIESIN: For the moment. LIAM: Okay, so maybe I’m 70 to 80 percent correct, but we’re all in this together. MARISHA: And gold. I like getting paid. TALIESIN: We need to get this one back to the circus, too. You might be helpful for that. LIAM: I don’t want to make a big thing. I’m going to go the authorities, to– my keen mind tells me that woman’s name was–? MATT: Oh, the– sorry. LIAM: Yeah, the one who wanted to go eat. MATT: Yes, you’re talking about– TRAVIS: Norda? MATT: Yes, Lawmaster Norda. LIAM: Norda? I want to go to her and citizen’s arrest kind of thing. Keep it quiet, don’t need big accolades, will take gold, and then I’ll bring that back and we can divvy that up. That’s no problem. TRAVIS: I like it. As soon as other crownsguard arrive with Norda and the rest of whoever you bring to the scene, maybe I can go with you and help return Toya. LAURA: You disappear quickly, because if you get drawn into that investigation, it would be bad. LIAM: Right, and if nobody recognizes you– Do you remember any of the guards that were in town that you could make yourself look like specifically? LAURA: Oh! MARISHA: What was that guy’s name? LAURA: What were the two guards that keep coming to the tavern? MARISHA: Oh, wait! LAURA: We wrote their names down. MARISHA: Jonas and Lucas. LAURA: That’s right! SAM and MARISHA: The Jonas Brothers. MATT: They’re not related at all. LIAM: DM, question. The two zombified back at the circus tents, were they burnt to a crisp beyond recognition? MATT: One of them was, and they have been discovered. LIAM: Yeah, but was he recognizable? Did we leave him looking like that dude at the end of The Last Crusade after he drank from the wrong cup? MATT: With some time, he could be identified. LIAM: Okay. Well, the Jonas Brothers it is, friends. SAM: Just to game this out. You, Caleb, someone who is not suspected of a crime, is going to bring the severed head of a member of the circus to the police– LAURA: No, he’s going to go to the police and bring them to the head. SAM: Either way. You, Caleb, someone who is not suspected of a crime, is going to point the police to the severed head of a member of the circus with no evidence showing what that thing was or that it was evil, and that will somehow not implicate other people who were not with us at the time. How is this going to prove their innocence, just showing a head? LIAM: They already believe that the circus is terrible. I think they were just going to confirm their own suspicions. MARISHA: Also, Toya. If she would speak honestly, she would absolve all of us. TRAVIS: I think Beau makes a very good point. Without Toya’s testimony we’re in trouble. TALIESIN: I’m hoping Toya will– LIAM: Well, that’s a sticky situation. Because what if she talks about my friends who were there with me? TALIESIN: She knows what to say when guards are asking questions. LIAM: It looks like she knows how to go off like a siren. TALIESIN: She’s had a bad night. LIAM: I’m at one hit point, I understand. TALIESIN: We’ll have a talk. We’ll get her to some people who can calm her down and make sure she remembers how we take care of each other. MATT: “If there’s something you want to ask me, I’m right here.” You’re all in this boat as it makes its way across the Ustaloch. TALIESIN: Sorry, dear. I was hoping that we didn’t have to have this conversation in front of strangers. MATT: “Can someone please explain to me what’s going on?” LIAM: Can you explain to us, maybe, your relationship with Kylre? If that was his name. MATT: “I mean, that’s the name I’ve ever known.” LIAM: Let’s talk about the killing part, though. MATT: “I don’t know anything about that. When we did the show the other night, the horrible man–” TALIESIN: It turns out that that was– Kylre did that. MATT: “Why?” TALIESIN: I don’t know why. Something snapped. He’s hurt and killed a lot of people. We think that maybe he’s been making you sick too. LAURA: Have you ever heard him say nergaliid? MATT: “No. Where’s Gustav?” TALIESIN: Gustav is having trouble with the authorities. We’re going to need to all work together to save him. TRAVIS: Unfortunately, the authorities think that Gustav and the circus are responsible for what happened. Actually, it’s just Kylre. He wasn’t what you thought he was, I’m afraid. TALIESIN: The twins are being the twins, Ornna’s being Ornna. But I think we can save everybody. We just need to take care of each other. MATT: “He was my friend, though.” LIAM: Child, how did you grow so close to him? MATT: “Gustav put us together for our act and he protected me. I felt safe around him. He didn’t "let anybody get too close I didn’t want to.” LIAM: Did he communicate with you in some way? MATT: “He talked.” LIAM: What did you talk about? MATT: “Well, we talked about everybody else in the family. We talked about how I missed not having a "family. He didn’t talk about himself much, but it was mainly just little games.” LAURA: Did he teach you how to sing to affect people’s minds? MATT: “No. That was how I got by before I met these guys.” LIAM: I am sure this is painful for you. You are young. Sometimes people we feel we know can be someone else. Regrettably, this is one of those instances. He was a dangerous thing. It is very important that this is buried here. You want to travel on with the circus and with Mollymauk and your friends. That thing tried to kill us. It did kill things in Trostenwald. Who knows what it would have done to you, child? MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Oof. SAM: It’s good. LIAM: No, it’s not good. TALIESIN: I felt it. TRAVIS: It’s Sam good. LIAM: It is only a six. Rolled very low. MATT: As you’re talking to her, her eyes keep flickering off of your face and over towards Beau. You watch her curl back into herself and get quiet. TRAVIS: It might do for you to apologize. MARISHA: Sorry. LAURA: Sorry for what, Beau? MARISHA: Really, Jester? LAURA: Really. TALIESIN: No, I want to hear this too. MARISHA: Sorry for choking you with my stick. TALIESIN: Somehow that was better than what I was hoping for. LIAM: Rated T for Teen. SAM: And I’ll never do it again? (laughter) MARISHA: And I’ll never do it again. As long as you don’t try that again, of course, I guess. LAURA: It was only because Kylre was trying to kill us and she was afraid that you were helping him. MARISHA: Yeah, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I was just trying to get you to stop singing. But it was so abrasive. TALIESIN: You know how people outside can be. The mean girl was just afraid of you and we’re going to let her go on this one. MATT: “I’m tired.” TALIESIN: Yeah, I know. Let’s get you home, okay? MATT: She leans into you, Molly. After a few minutes, she falls asleep against you. LAURA: That went well, I think. TALIESIN: Choked you with my stick?! MARISHA: I did. LAURA: She apologized for exactly what she did. TALIESIN: That was certainly memorable. MATT: “All right, we’re here.” The boat hits the edge of the dock. He hops off and pulls the rope up. Slowly manages the boat over to the side of the dock, ties it up. LAURA: How many people are around the dock right now? MATT: There’s no boats at the dock that are being manned currently. There are a few boats out on the water that you saw in the distance. There are some night fishermen. There’s nobody immediately in the vicinity. TRAVIS: Okay, I’m going to hop off the boat and break eye contact with the captain of the boat so that I can Disguise Self into a crownsguard. LIAM: I talk to him while you do that. You have your wine, you have your gold. Thank you very much, it is much appreciated. It was a lovely trip. MATT: “Yes that’s fine. Just, please, get out of my boat.” TRAVIS: (English accent) Who goes there? What is this, what have you brought? LIAM: Oh, I have felled a beast. MATT: “They got in my boat. I– they–” TRAVIS: Are you responsible for this? MATT: “No. They took over my boat and forced me to take them to the middle island there.” LIAM: You will not take credit for my kill. I have killed this thing and I want it to be watched. I am going to the authorities. We will bring them back and get this sorted. TRAVIS: It’s a horrifying-looking creature. You are to be commended for your bravery. Lawmaster Norda will want to know about this immediately. LAURA: You weren’t here. MATT: Make a deception check with advantage. TALIESIN: This is so weird. LAURA: I’m just holding a bowling ball. TRAVIS: 21. No, 20. MATT: He goes, “I want nothing to do with this. Good night.” He helps each of you quickly get off the boat. Ties and locks it up and makes a beeline– SAM: (shouting) We’ll come to your house with your share of the reward. (laughter) TRAVIS: All right, we can’t waste any time. LAURA: Can I lob the head up over the side of the boat? MATT: Make a strength check. LIAM: Monster calves. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: You’re strong, though. TALIESIN: Are you? LIAM: Yeah, but at level two you need to roll higher than a three. LAURA: Eight! MATT: You get it partway up and it begins sliding back into the boat and plops into the boat and goes (bouncing) and you have to catch yourself. TRAVIS: Tongue and mouth just (lolling). MATT: It’s terrifying. LAURA: All right, I need help. It’s still covered, don’t worry. She can’t see what we’re doing, it’s covered with my cloak. SAM: I’ll help you. LAURA: By the way, it’s a little tiny cloak. It’s like a half cape so it’s like– TALIESIN: It’s like a napkin on a buffalo. MATT: A doily on a couch. SAM: I’ll help you. LAURA: It’s going to squish you. SAM: That’s all right, I’m strong. One, two, three! MATT: Eventually you guys get it up onto the dock. LAURA: Oh, that’s good. TRAVIS: Molly, do you intend to keep Toya here or do you need to take her back? TALIESIN: Take her right back. No one can know that she’s been anywhere. LIAM: That is correct. Take her and sequester her with the family so not a peep gets out. TALIESIN: We’ll explain to her what needs to be done. MARISHA: How do we trust you all won’t skip town in the middle of the night? TALIESIN: We still have people in the lockup. LAURA: Gustav’s in jail still. MARISHA: So? LAURA: Some people are loyal. TALIESIN: I’ll be back and I have to show back up with you people anyway. I’m going to get her as quickly as possible. MATT: The rest of you guys are doing? LAURA: Who is not very stealthy here? TRAVIS: I’m keeping watch over the toad head. MARISHA: I have a plus six to my stealth. TALIESIN: I wouldn’t say no to it before I take off. LAURA: Oh that’s true, you’re sneaking back to the carnival. I give you a nice little blessing. LIAM: You’re going to stay with your new friend. You can’t come to– SAM: I’m not coming with you? LIAM: Not this time. It’s not– you know why. SAM: What if you’re in trouble? You’re very hurt. You’ve had a terrible night. LIAM: If any problem should arise, I’ll send Frumpkin straight away to you. SAM: Unless you’re dead. No one’s going to be around to save you if you get into trouble. LIAM: I’m almost dead already. SAM: Yeah, that’s not good. LAURA: That’s not comforting, Caleb. LIAM: Nott, this is what I talked to you about the other night. These are our friends and we’re going to sort this out and figure out what we do next. It has been you and me, now it is you and me and them. Okay? You’re with your blue friend here. LAURA: You can hold my hand. LIAM: I’ll be back. I’m just going to have a conversation. We have gotten out of prisons before, you and I. I’m not worried about that. SAM: Her hands are very warm. LAURA: I’m warm blooded. LIAM: Well, she was just holding the throbbing head. SAM: Oh god. LAURA: Nott, you were too. SAM: That’s true. But I didn’t have my fingers in the holes. LAURA: Should I leave my cloak here over the head, sir, good sir, guard man? TRAVIS: It’s fucking me, right? We know it’s still me. I’m right here. MARIASHA: We’re not RPing still? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Sorry. TRAVIS: You can do what you want. LAURA: Should I leave my cloak here or should I take it with me? TRAVIS: Sure, I’ll make a dramatic flourish of it. LAURA: Just make sure you bring it back home. MARISHA: I feel like the cloak is identifying to you. TRAVIS: Take it with you, scratch that. Good idea. MARISHA: Like where did this really pretty pink and lavender cloak come from? LAURA: It’s green. MARISHA: I’m sorry, green. I haven’t looked at the art. SAM: It’s nighttime, the moonlight makes everything sort of look purple. TALIESIN: That’s canon. TRAVIS: All right, go quickly. LAURA: Okay, we stealth away. TALIESIN: What is my stealth bonus now? LAURA: You just get advantage. MATT: We’ll get to you in just a second. The rest of you guys make a stealth check, please. LIAM: I don’t need to cause I’m just taking a stroll. MATT: Nope. For those of you who are– MARISHA: Ten total. MATT: That’s ten. LAURA: Seven. SAM: 26. LIAM: Yep, that’s my girl. MATT: Okay, before we get to you. As you guys make your way back to the Nestled Nook Inn, you come to the intersection where the alleyway leads you back to where the rope you had originally let down was placed. The rope is still there, in the darkness. As you make your way into the alley a voice goes, “Excuse me.” The three of you glance over and you see a crownsguard at the end of the alley that’s currently there with his arms crossed. “Can I help you?” LAURA: Is our back to him still? MATT: He’s to the side. You guys are all looking up at the rope now and he’s to the right of you. LAURA: Is it still dark out? MATT: Yes. It’s close to midnight at this time. LAURA: Oh my god. Has anybody seen my shoe that I dropped earlier around here? MARISHA: I immediately drop to my knees and start looking for a shoe. TRAVIS: What, what? SAM: Did you say a shoe? MATT: I would like for you to make a– (laughs) TRAVIS: You turned into Mr. Rogers? SAM: A shoe!? MATT: I would like for you to make a deception check, with disadvantage please. SAM: My shoe! LAURA: Eight. MATT: As Beau’s on the ground frantically searching for a shoe and Nott’s there in the darkness, the guard with his arms crossed goes (whistles). He begins to walk and approach you as two more guards close off the other side of the alley and they begin to come up to you guys. TRAVIS: How far away are they from me? Too far? MATT: Too far. MARISHA: Drop one of those rings, drop a ring! LAURA: It’s not a shoe! I drop a ring. Wait, did we take a short rest when we were on the boat? We did. It was a short rest on the boat. MATT: To get across, I would say I’d allow a short rest. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to cast Invoke Duplicity. Behind the guard. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check to see if they notice you suddenly casting a spell, or a spell-like effect. LAURA: Please please please. Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: Okay, so you Invoke Duplicity. Another version of you appears behind one of three guards. What are you doing? LAURA: Oh God. Oh, she doesn’t make a sound, does she? MATT: Let’s double-check this new ability that I’m getting used to. LAURA: I don’t think she makes any noise. MARISHA: Can she tap? LAURA: But if she can cast through her, then I can imagine she can make contact because she casts on touch. MATT: You create an illusory duplicate of yourself. It is an illusion, it cannot make actually physical contact with anything. LAURA: Well, if she’s behind one of the guards then two of the other guards can see her. MATT: Sure. SAM: We took a short rest on the thing? MATT: I’ll say on the boat across the river, sure. SAM: If you want to hit dice it up. TRAVIS: You can roll one hit die. He’s rolling commando. He don’t want it. MATT: Anyway, you Invoke Duplicity and you appear behind him. LAURA: Yeah. My duplicate is going to jump up and down and start flailing her arms and then run down the alley around the building. MATT: Okay. SAM: We have to kill these fucking guards, don’t we? MARISHA: No. MATT: The guard sees something quickly dart into the shadows and continues walking towards you. LAURA: Oh, come on! MARISHA: Just go with it, go with it. LAURA: Did you see that behind you? MATT: The guard approaches and goes, “It seems that you have been out and about when you were "supposed to be within the inn.” MARISHA: Found it! The ring. LAURA: That’s my ring. I dropped it out the window. SAM: She calls it a shoe, it’s a shoe ring. LAURA: I like to wear them on my toes. MATT: Three more guards have now approached from the front of the building and they approach and begin pulling out manacles and chains and say, “We’re going to have to take you to the stockade.” LAURA: Oh, please don’t. Really, we just left the building because we wanted to go– MATT: You’re being locked up right now, as we speak. LAURA: This is the stupidest thing! MARISHA: So stupid! TALIESIN: Level two! SAM: Do I have to go, too? MATT: Oh yeah. SAM: But I was just a bystander! I was walking down here and I saw these two ruffians and I was going to go get help. MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: It’s actually true, she wasn’t with us. SAM: Zero. (laughter) TRAVIS: You rolled a zero? LIAM: Look at him! TRAVIS: What’s your modifier, negative two? SAM: Three minus three is zero. MATT: That went into my nose. TRAVIS: Brave new world. MATT: As you’re telling him this, your mask goes (creak). He goes, “Arrest that creature!” TALIESIN: We’re going to die from bad paperwork. MARISHA: Yeah, we really are. TALIESIN: Literally, we’re going to die from bad paperwork. MATT: You both are put in chains. You’re put in chains both arms and legs. LAURA: Oh, that’s just mean. SAM: Racism! MATT: They bring you over to the stockade. Mollymauk. I need you to make a stealth check with advantage. TALIESIN: 13. MATT: You guys slowly make your way through the low grass over towards where the outside of the carnival is. As you approach, you can see there’s about five crownsguard that are making rounds around the outside. It looks like where previously they had been keeping watch over the people that were there, since the murder of two of their own, it has heightened the intensity of the watch. It looks like it’s fairly well watched. You get the sense, at a distance, that you would have a hard time getting in there. You can try and sneak her in and sneak out, but it seems dangerous. TALIESIN: Oh, shite. Not even a good push to get her underneath, just back into one of the tents, or no? MATT: You can try. TALIESIN: Yeah, I don’t know they’re caught, do I? MATT: No, you have no idea. MARISHA: Let’s all get caught. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and wait for an advantageous moment. MATT: Which I’m going to allow you to do. You stay outside of the outskirts of the torchlight at the very front of the tent and the back of the tent. The fire of the actual encampment has gone out because you don’t see any other carnival members. The sisters ran. They fled. You don’t see any sign of Desmond or Ornna. Make one more stealth check, for the two of you, with advantage because you still have the ability. You’re at the cusp end of it though. TALIESIN: Ooh. 22. MATT: You manage to pace yourself, just carefully wait for the right moment, dart out of the grass having her under your arm and she’s like, “What? Why? What is going on?” TALIESIN: You remember. Nothing happened. Find Ornna. You didn’t see me. You just hid and waited and you didn’t know that anything was wrong. If people ask, unless you hear from me, you don’t know anything. MATT: “Okay.” You slip her into the tent and back out, none the wiser. TALIESIN: I’m going to start heading back to the inn. MATT: Okay. You go back to the inn. You two. You’re just waiting? LIAM: No, I’m not waiting. I’m going to see Norda, so I’ll see you shortly. Be ready. TRAVIS: You will. MATT: Okay. You make your way to the stockade. As you approach and make your way into the interior, the two crownsguard at the front say, “Hold. What’s your business?” LIAM: Excuse me, and I lurch and prop myself up against a wall and push back. Excuse me. I just had a very harrowing night. MATT: “Have you been drinking?” LIAM: You get me Norda this very minute and I will tell you what has happened with this circus and in this town and don’t keep me waiting another minute. I’m bleeding out here. Arschloch. MATT: Make an intimidation check. TALIESIN: Nice. LIAM: Oh, come on. MATT: Just keep it in the– LIAM: I wish I had gone with that because it was great there but it’s not great here. That is a nine! MATT: It is indeed. He sits there and glares down at you for a second, your posturing, this filthy, scruffy man in a coat that wandered up out of nowhere covered in a little bit of his own blood. He just looks down at you for a second, “Sorry. She’s done for the night.” SAM: They keep regular hours here. LIAM: Excuse me. There are very good people being held under house arrest in a tavern right now. They are innocent. I have evidence that I can show her. This whole thing can be solved now. MATT: “This whole thing can be solved first thing in the morning. I’ll let you sleep it off. Have "some water. Come back when you’re feeling a little more yourself.” SAM: Kill them all. TRAVIS: I draw back, and flames burst forth! LIAM: Okay. I look him in the eye. I will go away. Get the message to her that the head of the circus frog is at the docks, waiting for her inspection. MATT: At this point, you hear a voice on the inside, just like, “Good night, good night” and a cloaked figure exits the front doorway, roughly about four and a half foot tall. LIAM: I remember the height. MATT: Norda is off the clock and is currently leaving for the evening to return to her home. LIAM: (shouting) There is a circus toad’s remains at the docks! I would like to put this town’s fears to rest. I am looking for– What’s her name? Yorda. ALL: Norda. LIAM: Norda. Yorda’s at the inn. Right? MATT: There’s Norda and then Yorda because I like to make it as confusing as possible. LIAM: Liam’s memory is really spotty, but Caleb’s is rock-solid. MATT: It’s funny. When you spell things on paper, they seem so much different and when you say them out loud they’re like, “Ah, they’re very similar.” The figure stops and turns and you hear this audible (heavy sigh). The figure waddles over towards you and pulls the hood back and it’s Norda. “All right, what’s this about a frog head?” LIAM: Thank goodness. Thank you, gentlemen. Forgive me, I can see that you’re trying to get yourself home to bed. MATT: “That would be preferable, aye.” You see bags under her eyes. She’s had a long day, her hair’s a bit frazzled, and she looks like she’s waiting for you to finish. LIAM: You are very aware that there are people at the Nestled Nook under house arrest by your order? They are innocent and I can prove it, and I would like to end things as quickly as possible. I have killed one of the circus folk this evening. MATT: “Now this’ll be real interesting.” She looks past you, and you follow her eyeline, and there you hear the sound of chains as a handful of crownsguard with Jester, Beau, and Nott, in manacles, approach from behind. “These ones, you’re talking about, right?” MARISHA: Help. Help. Help. (laughter) LIAM: Funny story. Yes, these are the people I was talking about. Nothing has changed, however, and I am only asking to take another ten minutes of your time to walk to the dock. One of the performers has been killed this evening, and I have done it. I staked out the circus because my friends were in trouble, and wrongly accused, and I knew this. So I staked out the circus this evening, and watched as this toad thing left the grounds there. It did this to me, and I, in a rage, followed it and destroyed it, and I will show you the remains of my work. We’ll put it to bed. I’m either a clown or I’m a toad-killer. Let’s see what it is. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Come on, you fucker. LAURA: Oh, goddamn. LIAM: 11. MATT: She goes, (sighs) “Hold onto them for just a moment.” She walks back inside. A moment passes, and she returns with four other guards. LAURA: I keep doing this so I can make a jingling sound with my chains. LIAM: You know, that’s probably agitating the issue. Let’s go to the docks. MATT: She comes up. “All right. Drag them along with us. Show us what this thing is, and if what "you say is not true, you’ll join them. How’s that sound?” LIAM: I’m good with these terms. Follow me please. MATT: “All right.” LAURA: You know, the only reason we were out of the inn is because we were looking for you, Caleb. We didn’t know where you went. LIAM: I am not going to answer her. I’m just walking very firmly, with purpose, to the docks. MATT: It has been close to an hour at this point. TRAVIS: If I can clock that, I would like to leave the head, move off into the shadows, and assume my older man form. MATT: Using your second slot. TRAVIS: No, I can just drop– MATT: Oh no, you can do this whenever, that’s right. TRAVIS: I’ll drop the crownsguard, and make the old man and sit so I can keep an eye on it, but away from it. MATT: Eventually, you guys are led up to the docks, where you guide them. LIAM: Moment of confusion– here it is, right here, where I left it. Nobody has tampered with it. I turn around and I pull back my clothing and show a huge slash across my body, and say: You see this? It was done by this thing. (whoosh) MATT: As soon as you pull back and reveal the face, its jaw is relaxed now, its muscles have sat now that it’s been left in the dock, and it’s pooled at its base. This old pumpkin look. Its tongue’s lolling out and unraveled on the ground, what remained within its salivary glands has soaked the remaining wood around its base. One of the eyes has rolled back, but it’s a horrible display. The guards take a step back immediately at the reveal, and Norda immediately gets interested, gets close, takes a look at it, and begins prodding a bit with her finger. LIAM: It is as bad as it looks, and if you have any holy people in this city, they will confirm that this thing is fiendish. MATT: (sighs) “You say it’s a fiend? Because what this looks like is you just murdered one of our "possible witnesses and/or other members of this investigation, so I’m hoping this is a fiend. I "don’t know fiends.” LIAM: I hope you don’t believe that I slashed open my own body and then went to the police. MATT: “Honey, I’ve been doing this for a long time. I’ve seen stranger. Hold on just a second.” She calls one of the guards over, whispers to him for a second. He rushes off. “Just so happens we have "someone in town who might be able to confirm this for us, might help your case.” LAURA: Who is it? MATT: “Oh, they will be here shortly.” LIAM: I sit down on a crate and I stop talking. MATT: Okay, and this awkward period of time with the guards all just standing there, holding you as you wait patiently. Some of them are tapping their fingers. You start rattling your chains and two guards pull the chains taut so you can’t do it anymore. Mollymauk, as you begin to make your way back into town, because you’re making your way through the dock district along the lakeside and you look up ahead, and you can see there’s a couple of torches being held by crownsguard right where the head was left, and you can see Caleb, and then three of your allies in chains. TALIESIN: Hmm. (sighs) LAURA: Oh no! What are you going to do? TALIESIN: I’m going to get a little closer. MATT: All right, make a stealth check, please. You do not have advantage anymore, that has passed. It’s been more than a hour. TALIESIN: Just to take a look at what is actually going on. LAURA: Not to get too close. TALIESIN: Not too close. MATT: Yeah, it’s not a high DC. TALIESIN: 19! MATT: You get a little closer, you are still maybe a good 100 feet or so away from them, keeping to the shadows along a building, keeping low. Thankfully it’s nighttime, it’s pushing midnight at this point. Because you’re ostentatiously dressed, but there isn’t a lot of light in your colors. As far as you know right now, no one can see you, you’re too far away to hear much, but you can keep an eye on them. TALIESIN: Oh, what’s the play? What’s the play? Ah! I’m going to– Yeah, fuck it. I’m going to walk up. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: With briskly. There I find you! I’ve been looking everywhere. You’re not supposed to leave the bloody inn you– oh. (sighs) They’re already in trouble, apparently. MATT: “I love when they do this! Chain him up.” You are shackled as well. TALIESIN: All right. Less questions to answer. MATT: At this point, Norda is starting to smile a bit. She’s like “Man, if we could have more criminals like you lot, my job would be far easier. I would get home a lot earlier.” SAM: We’re not criminals! We’re not! Me and Caleb were just travelling ever since we broke out of that– Nothing! TALIESIN: Dance number. LIAM: No, it’s good that you try so hard to protect the rights of giant frog creatures. I’m very impressed. LAURA: Fiend creatures specifically. MATT: At this point the guard that had left earlier, who has been gone for about 15 to 20 minutes or so, comes back with a brisk jog. There’s another figure walking up behind him, also jogging. You can see light gray hood and cloak around and as the figure approaches into the torch light, pulls back the hood, and you see this long shoulder length curled blond hair. A very very delicate looking elven male, who approaches. “I believe I’ve been summoned, Norda?” “Yes sorry, this is Archivist Zeenoth. He’s been in town for a few days and he comes from the library that knows a lot about a lot of things. I hope that he can help us in this. Zeenoth, they’re calling this thing a fiend. What do you know about this?” He steps closer, kneels down next to the head. TALIESIN: Xhorhas. MATT: Hmm? TALIESIN: I just whisper Xhorhas. MATT: “Yes, these creatures do frequent Xhorhas.” He gives some look over, pulls a small book out of his side pouch. Begins to thumb through it, compares a few things. “I’m not a specialist, unfortunately. This creature is very much a very dangerous entity from the far east. I’m surprised it made it this far into civilization before being destroyed. It’s a good thing it has been.” He now gets to look at everyone, over the crew and goes, “Are you the ones who slew it?” LAURA: Oh well technically it was Caleb, technically. LIAM: Just me. MATT: As the figure looks over and stops on Beau and kind of smiles. SAM: What’s going on over there? MARISHA: Oh sorry, I just have back issues. I’m just stretching. LIAM: Yes it was difficult, but I prevailed in the end. The city is safe. What library was that that you mentioned? MATT: “Oh I’m an archivist. I’m the archivist of the Cobalt Soul.” LIAM: Here in town? MATT: “No, I’m from Zadash. I’m a bit out of my depth at the moment.” LAURA: What brings you this far? MATT: “Well, I have business.” At this point Norda goes, “All right you know what? This is some serious bullshite. We’re all just chilling here at the docks, we have confirmed that’s a fiend.” LAURA: The nergaliid! MATT: “A nergaliid! Bring them back to the stockade. Let’s have a trial.” They begin to pull you guys back to the stockade. Two of the guards grab the nergaliid head and they begin dragging it along, and you guys are all being pulled. LIAM: Oh sorry, one last thing, Watchmaster. I pull out the book that I read about the nergaliid. Here this is a gift, for you. This is folklore. You will find I have marked a page in there. It will describe this thing. MATT: As you guys are walking, she thumbs through and finds the page, begins to read, passes it to the archivist. He begins to read it. He passes it back. You guys all make your way into the stockade. You’re not brought to her chambers, you’re brought to a much larger room. This room has much more of a stark, barren, stone interior. There are benches built. There is a central kind of a pit. There’s about four or five steps down into this pit. Then above that is a desk where Norda takes as the law master. As you step in you realize, oh this is a room of judgement. What are you doing? TRAVIS: I would like to try, once they start making their way back to that facility, to quickly make my way to the inn, if I can as the old man, enter, make my way into the restroom, drop my disguise, come back out as Fjord. Oh the water closet, what have you. MATT: There is a shared water closet. LIAM: It’s just a pot. TRAVIS: Yeah, the room with the pot in it. Then make my way back to the front door, stick my head out where the guards are. MATT: Yeah, there’s two guards still posted there. Most of them have already left because they’re carting off the rest of your friends. TRAVIS: Please, I can’t seem to find any of my comrades. Have you seen where they have gone? MATT: They look at each other. “Yeah, they’ve been arrested.” TRAVIS: I was afraid as much. Could I make my way down to where they are being held? I would like to be present, if it would be prudent. MATT: “You leave our watch, we cut you.” They both flank you side to side and push you ahead a little bit. They are glued to your right and left. TRAVIS: Very kind of you. MATT: They lead you to the stockade. As you guys are brought into this chamber, Norda sets up. SAM: Who is going to go get the little girl? LIAM: You’re the little girl here. You’re confused. It’s been a night. MATT: Norda, up there at the top, takes her cloak off, puts on her ceremonial armor bits. There’s a whole element to the presentation of this. You can see her tiredly putting them on. Sets her hands on the top, “I would like you to present what evidence you have to absolve you of these charges against you and then based on what you present, I’ll decide whether or not you’re innocent or guilty or require further investigation. Who would like to present evidence first? You! You brought the head of a creature! You’re not in chains. We’ll start with you.” They drag the creature’s head forward. She takes the book from the archivist. “And speaking with Zeenoth here, it appears what you said is true. This creature is a dangerous, terrible fiend. And looking at it’s apparent ability to feast on the essence of creatures, this explains both the transformation of the old man. This also explains destruction of our two guards, who were recently discovered. Rest their soul. So, that explains that. Convince me as to why you were not working with this entity, especially those of the carnival.” She snaps her finger again and you watch as Gustav and Bosun are brought into the chamber, as well as a third figure who you see step out of the shadows. Her hair dark and fading to white, last seen fleeing into the distant fields, you see, in chains as well, Yasha being pulled into the courtroom. (cheering) TRAVIS: Showing up just to get arrested! MARISHA: Welcome to the club! LIAM: (singing) Breaking the law, breaking the law! TALIESIN: Lot of help you were! MARISHA: Welcome to the chain gang. ASHLEY: Hey. Yeah. MATT: “That one was caught fleeing from the scene.” ASHLEY: No, that’s completely a misunderstanding of things. That’s not what happened. MATT: “I’m certain. You have a trustworthy face. What’s the next bit of evidence you want to present, please? Anyone?” LIAM: Well, first a question. Are you familiar with Occam’s Razor? MATT: “What?” LIAM: I figured. Okay. That one works for the circus. Do I look like I work for the circus? MATT: “Strangely, not well dressed enough.” LIAM: No. I’m a dirty hobo and I reek like yesterday’s garbage. MATT: “I wasn’t going to go that far, but I’ll admiss it.” LIAM: Yeah. This one, does he look like a circus performer? Is he filthy like me? LAURA: He’s not here. MATT: “Which one?” Fjord has not arrived yet. LIAM: But he’s right here! Look, I can touch him. MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of that, as you say that and reveal your hand, Fjord enters through the door like it was a planned arrival. SAM: Weirdly, he’s dripping wet. TRAVIS: Baby oil. LIAM: The sardonic one, right? With the shit-eating grin. Does she look like she works for the circus? MATT: “I don’t know what she works for, but I don’t trust her.” MARISHA: That’s smart. LIAM: I am injured within a centimeter of my life. This one is a nincompoop. LAURA: Wait, which one were you pointing at? LIAM: That’s you. I pull the mask away. This is my good friend. She’s a goblin. SAM: A little halfling girl! MATT: At this point, you watch her pull back. LIAM: I step in front of her. She is my friend and colleague and you will not lay a hand on her while I am standing here. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Fucking right I will. That is an 11. (chanting) Level two! MARISHA: (chanting) Shitty dice! MATT: Her eyes are chained onto this goblin. LIAM: She’s looking into my chest because Nott is behind me. I’m sorry, I’m confused why you’re going to such lengths to defend the rights of this large, oversized frog skull. MATT: “I defend no rights of this creature! I’ve been in this office long enough to know that there aren’t usually solo workers on something like this. I know these folk. They all protect each other. Who’s to say this wasn’t their whole reasoning for coming anyway, and something went wrong, and they’re letting him take the fall?” LIAM: There’s a big conspiracy to make undead crownsguard here in the city? MATT: “I don’t fucking know! Don’t tell me how I do my business! Sit the fuck down! Who’s next?” TALIESIN: You’re right. We do protect our own. That’s absolutely true. MATT: “Let him up.” They loosen the chains and you get to stand and approach a bit. TALIESIN: It’s a common tactic. It’s a good way to make your way through this world. Normally it works. We assumed, the circus, anyway, that we were being framed. We were protecting our own. Is the head in here? LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: This one showed his true colors, and then we took care of it. I’m going to throw one of my swords down on the ground that is filthy with its blood. MATT: “All right. Why did this one run?” ASHLEY: Well– SAM: (high-pitched) I mean– ASHLEY: I feel like I didn’t need to be in there anymore. You know. I don’t– ugh. MATT: I would like you both to make persuasion checks. ASHLEY: I feel like– TALIESIN: Oh, shit. 12. ASHLEY: 11. TALIESIN: We needed someone on the outside. We knew we were innocent. We knew you didn’t think so. We just assumed you were going to have us all executed and we didn’t do anything. What would you have done? MATT: “Is that goblin pissing in my court?” (laughter) SAM: I’m sorry! I’m really nervous! TALIESIN: In his defense, it’s a wonderful vintage. Her defense. SAM: I’m very nervous. I’m sorry, it’s just your guards shackled both my wrists and my ankles and I can’t move to get into a good position. LIAM: You know, when she’s nervous she aerates her bladder, all right? SAM: Look, I have some evidence to submit. Look at my hands and also the hands of Jester. We’re covered in the thing’s blood. We were there too. We helped the killing of the creature. MATT: The dwarf woman, Norda, leans forward and looks you dead in the eyes. “I’ve known friends I grew up with who were carved down by your kin. Convince me why I shouldn’t hang you tomorrow.” SAM: I’m sorry for your loss. Where are your people from? MATT: “Grimgolir.” SAM: That’s not where my clan’s from. I had nothing to do with it. My clan operates far, far away and– MATT: “Where does your clan operate from?” SAM: I’m looking on the map. Near the Felderwin Tillage. MATT: “That’s not too far. Maybe we’ll send some folks to pay a visit to your clan.” SAM: You can. Feel free. I’ll even tell you where they are. I’m no longer associated with them and I can help you hunt them down if you’d like. MATT: Make a persuasion check. MARISHA: Wow. LAURA: What is it? SAM: One. LAURA: No, but you didn’t roll a one. He rolled a four. SAM: It’s not a natural one. LAURA and TALIESIN: Not a natural one. LIAM: Still sucks. MATT: (sigh) LAURA: God, why are we rolling so bad? MATT: She leans back. “I want to sleep. I think you’re telling the truth. Most of you. Archivist, does this resonate with you as well? Does this check out, lore-wise? I don’t know what the fuck you do.” The Archivist is like, “I believe based on what they’ve stated, at least it’s consistent though I’m a bit confused as to the demeanor of the goblin. It’s not unheard of to have goblin kin turn against their own. There have been a number of historic individuals of various monstrous races who have been beneficial members of society.” LIAM: I invite Nott up to my piggy-back position on my shoulders. LAURA: You can’t, she’s chained up. LIAM: I scoop her up. SAM: This is even more awkward. Just put me back down. Put me back down. LIAM: Just let it happen. SAM: No! The chains are pulling me one way and you’re pulling me the other way. Just come down to my level! Come down here! MATT: “Bring the two others forward.” They bring forward Gustav and Bosun. “This is your circus, right?” He goes, “It is my circus and I take full responsibility for what’s happened. Sincerely. They have done nothing wrong. They are completely innocent. I brought this creature into our fold and that is on me. Whatever judgement you have, bring onto my head, not theirs. Please. I implore you.” “Fine. I’ll consider the investigation closed. You’re all freed of charges against you. Including the goblin.” SAM: Oh! Thank you! I would kiss you if I could. MATT: “I would not recommend trying. Okay. Gustav, what’s– I can’t read your last name. You’ve been given quite a debt for Trostenwald so you shall remain here until you’ve worked off the debt to the city. To the number of 2,645 gold pieces. To make up for the deaths of our two crownsguard, of the two civilians who have died, and the general cost of this entire investigation. We’ll consider what your work is to the city tomorrow. However, the rest of you: you’re free to go. I’m going to go get myself some sleep.” LIAM: Can I have my book back, please? MATT: Takes her armor off. “(sigh) All right. I’m going to get a drink.” She puts her cloak on and then hops off. With the imposing sight of her on top of a large pedestal and desk, she hops down to her natural dwarven height and it’s almost adorable to watch her just skitter the hell out of there. She’s done. LAURA: Where are you getting a drink at? MATT: There’s no response. LAURA: Do you want company? TRAVIS: I just turn to the nearest crownsguard and– MATT: The chains are removed. They free everybody, including Gustav, but two guards are assigned to him to keep an eye over him. MARISHA: As soon as Beau gets out of her chains, I grab my stuff and I leave. MATT: Okay. As you are exiting the stockade, in the archway of the doors right outside, you see another figure standing hood up– like a short hood with a mantle that stops about midway. Bare arms and dark skin, baggy gray pants and is there, waiting. MARISHA: What’s the mantle? MATT: You don’t recognize any details about it. You see a cloaked figure there, waiting, looking right at you. MARISHA: Is he blocking the doorway? MATT: Is just beyond the doorway. It’s not blocked. MARISHA: Is there another way out? MATT: I mean, you can exit. They’re just on the other side of the door. Every other way in, you don’t know the stockade well and all of it just leads further into the stockade. There are other crownsguard inside. MARISHA: Okay, I’m just going to try and just bolt through. MATT: You’re just going to bolt? Full run? MARISHA: Not run, just you know, Irish goodbye. MATT: Okay. All right. As you briskly exit and turn to the left, the figure intervenes and side steps right in front of you. MARISHA: Do I recognize him? MATT: No. You don’t see much of the face. The hood is up and a little bit of the moonlight is coming, you can see the edge of features. The body is muscular, but thin. Looks not terribly masculine or feminine, but it looks able and it moved at a very quick speed to intercept your positioning. MARISHA: I just go: Oh, fuck! Turn around and walk back in. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I’ll join everyone else. I flick off the guy on my way back in. MATT: Okay. As you guys are being escorted out of the stockade, Beau comes back in and joins you. LAURA: I thought you left. MARISHA: Just had to pee. LAURA: Oh. TALIESIN: Shame. LAURA: Hey, you guys, we’re town heroes! What’s it feel like? MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah! LAURA: Yasha, it’s very good to see you again. ASHLEY: It’s good to see you guys, too. SAM: Where did you go? Were you on the lam for a long time? ASHLEY: I have a little bit of a problem with authority and I didn’t want to be caught in a small and confined space and then that ended up happening. LAURA: How long have you been in there? ASHLEY: Immediately after I ran away. They sent out horses. I’m not that fast, but I did fuck up a few of the guards. “By accident. ” MATT: As you say that, you hear a couple (clears throat) and two of the crownsguard visibly bruised that are escorting you guys out into the night air before they eventually leave you to your own devices. TRAVIS: Molly, what do you think this means for the carnival? TALIESIN: I don’t know. That is a question. LAURA: I mean, if Gustav has to stay here then who’s going to run it? MARISHA: That’s a lot of gold. That’s like a life sentence worth of gold. LAURA: Well, I mean– TALIESIN: Gold comes, gold goes. LIAM: How much do you think the circus has? TALIESIN: I don’t know how much the circus has and, honestly, I think Ornna would lie about it if we asked. MATT: The crownsguard have pulled away and now it’s just you guys and Bosun and Gustav now, out in the air and Gustav is rubbing his wrists. “Well, thank you everyone for helping. That could "have been a lot worse. And, you know, it’s fine. I know it’s a lot of money, but shouldn’t take me "more than a few years. It’s a nice town! Trostenwald is a nice town!” TRAVIS: It’s not that nice. MATT: “No, it’s not, but you know, it’s better than prison.” LAURA: There’s a lot of beer here. MATT: “That there is. I may have to start a small fund for that on its own.” LIAM: What happens to the circus, because, you know, you can’t do the same show for the same people for a year? MATT: “Where’s Ornna? Where’s the twins? Where’s–” TALIESIN: Well, the twins buggered. Ornna? God only knows. ASHLEY: Where’s Toya? TALIESIN: Toya is back at the circus, but shaken. Very shaken. MATT: At which point, Gustav just begins making a beeline for the circus. Bosun goes, “Oh.” (sighs) TALIESIN: How hard can it be to make 2,000 gold? MATT: “I don’t know how much he saved. Nowhere near that much, probably.” TALIESIN: How hard can it be to steal 2,000 gold? LAURA: I don’t know how many people around here have that much. Although, the breweries might. TALIESIN: Maybe be best to find that gold elsewhere. ASHLEY: Wait, so who killed him? MATT: Gustav has spun around and comes back and is like, “Sincerely. I appreciate the aid, but don’t. "This is on me. I’ll take care of it. This is not your responsibility. It’s not your responsibility. "You guys have already done so much. It’s fine. I’ll take care of it.” TALIESIN: Suppose we should take a look at what’s left of the circus. MARISHA: Can I go take a look around? Do I see Zeenoth anywhere? MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Oh, god damn it, it was almost better. It was almost good. Ten. MATT: Ten? You don’t see anybody immediately around. LAURA: Was that Archivist Zeenoth that was outside? MARISHA: Archivist. LAURA: That’s what I said. Was that who it was that was like– MATT: No, Zeenoth was still inside the courtroom when you were leaving. MARISHA: Yeah. Different guy. LAURA: Oh, who was it that was outside? LIAM: We don’t know, we didn’t see him. TRAVIS: It’s very late, right? MATT: Yeah, it’s post-midnight now. LAURA: I’m so tired. TRAVIS: Don’t suppose you want to retire for the evening? Share a drink together now that this is somewhat behind us? TALIESIN: I will definitely drink. I think we should probably drink at our camp then. I’m fine inviting them. MATT: “Tell you what. As a thanks, we’ll grab Toya. We’ll meet you guys– where are you all staying?” MARISHA and LIAM: The Nestled Nook. MATT: “We’ll come meet you at the Nestled Nook and I’ll get a round for you all. As a thank you.” TALIESIN: Is this a human thing to– never mind LIAM: Yeah, we’re just like tieflings, we’re all alike. TALIESIN: I know. MATT: “All right. Bosun, come on.” They make their way off to the carnival camp. ASHLEY: It was him? TALIESIN: Kylre went bad. Maybe he’d already always been bad, I don’t know. LAURA: I mean, he attacked us. A lot of guards, too. SAM: He was an evil fiend. When he joined the circus, who brought him in? TALIESIN: Let’s not be throwing words around. SAM: No, he was literally an evil fiend. LAURA: He summoned imps. TALIESIN: He did summon– LAURA: He summoned imps, Yasha! SAM: He controlled the girl! TALIESIN: He was fine for years. Something set him off. LIAM : Ah, he said it himself, you people in the circus are weird, right? So, every once in a while, a glitch. MARISHA: A glitch? What? TALIESIN: He was fine for so long. There was nothing for so long. Why? Things don’t just… MARISHA: I still think there’s something creepy about this lake, man. TALIESIN: Maybe? MARISHA: It gives me the heebie jeebies. TALIESIN: Everything gives me the heebie jeebies. LIAM: Well, if it is this thing that we’ve read about in the book, then perhaps he needed to feed more or was impatient for some reason? ASHLEY: What’s happened with Toya? TALIESIN: Shite. ASHLEY: How is she? TALIESIN: She is not good. She is taking it as you would expect. SAM: Also Beau crushed her windpipe. TALIESIN: That’s true. With her stick. LIAM: And, I’m sorry, are we also taking the bouncer into our little coven of weirdos. Is that a thing that’s happening? ASHLEY: Oh, well– TALIESIN: Always. ASHLEY: I mean, I kind of go on my own, but– MARISHA: Yeah, she’s one of us. TALIESIN: She’s the charm, she has to come! LIAM: I’m too tired to argue. Let’s get that drink. TALIESIN: See, charm. Drink. MATT: As you make your way back to the Nestled Nook Inn, within the tavern, and within the next hour or so, Gustav and Bosun, Toya and Ornna all come in and join you. You guys crowd a few tables together, and under what is generally a pretty empty tavern this night, you guys, for the most part, dominate the center space. TRAVIS: I’m sorry, Yasha, for new patrons, you’re going to have to surrender your sword. ASHLEY: (laughs) You’re very funny. TALIESIN: He is very funny. LIAM: That is a very sick burn. MARISHA: Speaking of swords– LAURA: Careful Fjord, we haven’t been healed yet, you know. She could take you down. ASHLEY: You could always try to take it. TALIESIN: Arm wrestle. TRAVIS: I could, couldn’t I? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Arm wrestle! ASHLEY: You do look pretty strong. I mean, you’re just a little bit bigger than me, but I still think I could probably take you. TRAVIS: Looks could be deceiving. MARISHA: Arm wrestle! Bets on Yasha. LAURA: Do it! Arm wrestle! TRAVIS: I just thought it would be a nice gesture. LAURA: To arm wrestle? TRAVIS: No, to give up her sword. ASHLEY: What about your sword? TRAVIS: Oh, I’m a paying patron here. They know me quite well. TALIESIN: So? You’ve got to be putting something on the table, though. Well, if you want to surrender the sword or not surrender the sword. TRAVIS: Did you want to stay in that room any longer, Molly? TALIESIN: (laughs) Never. MARISHA: I don’t know what we’re talking about anymore. LAURA: I don’t either. TRAVIS: Let’s get a drink. MARISHA: Are you guys going to arm wrestle? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Okay. How about “Boulder, Paper, Shears”? Wait, what is it? “Boulder, Parchment, Shears”! TALIESIN: That’s a stupid game. SAM: I never heard of that game. ASHLEY: I think it’s something that kids play. I have a better version of that game. We can play it later. MATT: The rest of the carnival in presence, Gustav goes and orders a round of drinks to all of you and then sits down. Toya still looks a bit shaken, but seems to be comforted with the rest of the family around her, that still remain at least. Desmond’s come and joined as well. As you’re all sitting together for a bit, there’s a moment of quiet as you’re all sipping, and just tiredly thinking over the events of the evening. Toya breaks the silence, “Is the family going away? Am I going to be alone again?” Ornna looks over at her and goes, “Not if I can help it. It’s you and me, kid, against the world.” Bosun pats Ornna on the shoulder and says, “Well, if you’d have me, you can probably use a strong arm.” Ornna looks back at him. Ornna and him have had this rivalry tension for a while. She goes, “You know what? Sure. The trio makes for a strong pack of performers. Desmond, are you in?” And Desmond is just sitting there, staring into his cup and goes, “I see a new family before me. And one I fear that’s a story I could only spoil. No, I thank you, but I’ll find my own path.” And he just sits there kind of quietly in this somewhat sad space. He gives a brief pat and side hug to Bosun before standing up and leaving. Gustav stands up and looks around. “I’m sorry for everything. For all the pain this has caused you, for all the pain it’s caused you.” Looks at Toya, “For all the pain it’s caused you, little one.” TRAVIS: We had quite the adventure, actually. I know people were hurt, but that was really something. MARISHA: And apparently, nobody really cared about Enon, so that’s, you know, good for your conscience. MATT: “Everyone’s conscience is heavy with its own reasoning.” TALIESIN: Get no blame from me. MATT: “I appreciate that. We are our own worst enemy, are we not?” TALIESIN: Ah, cheers to that! LIAM: I catch Nott’s eye and silently mouth the word ‘lunatics’. SAM: Yeah, yeah. MATT: “Well, I think that’s the end of my carnival.” (laughs) LAURA: It was such a good carnival. MATT: “It was a good run! It was a really good run.” MARISHA: Man, we caught the last show, you guys! TALIESIN: Not our best show. LAURA: I liked it. SAM: The tickets are probably worth something! MARISHA: They might! TRAVIS: Closed it down. MARISHA: I’m gonna keep this flyer. TALIESIN: You have plans? ASHLEY: No, I’m just going to float around like I usually do. TALIESIN: I don’t know, I’m thinking about it. I don’t know where I’m going to end up now. MATT: “You can go with Bosun and Ornna, if you like. You guys are still carrying on. I mean, I’m not going to keep the tent, I’m not going to keep the supplies. I might hock some of it to try and pay off my debt, but– take what you want. Start anew. It’s my gift to you.” They all kind of, “Thank you very much. We’ll start small, I don’t think we need too much of the ensemble. How we began, back up in Shady Creek.” LAURA: I mean, I could use a really large tent. Like the biggest one? I would take that off your hands. TALIESIN: The biggest one’s a bit– TRAVIS: What would you do with a really large tent? LAURA: I don’t know, I could open up a hotel? Or I could make a bunch of dresses. Or– SAM: Out of the tent? LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: You could make a lot of dresses out of that tent. That’s fair. LAURA: Yeah, right? It’s really pretty fabric. TALIESIN: Thank you. LAURA: (gasps) A hot air balloon! TALIESIN: I don’t– LIAM: A what? SAM: Those aren’t invented. LAURA: Haven’t you seen airships? SAM: No! LIAM: They generally run from crystals. I’ve seen that kind before. LAURA: Yeah! LIAM: Yeah, there’s no balloons, though. What’s a balloon? MATT: They have simple dirigibles, but they’re not very functional. LAURA: Yeah, it just involves fire you guys. We can figure this shit out. LIAM: Oh, a dirigible? Dirigible I’ve heard of, but a balloon? I don’t know what that is. MARISHA: Have the airships made it to this continent yet? LIAM: You don’t know. SAM: I think, Jester– LAURA: I’ve seen airships, okay? I’ve seen them. SAM: Jester, I think it’s safe to say that this first case is closed! LAURA: (gasps) SAM: So we could open some sort of private investigation service. LAURA: That’s what we should do! SAM: Out of a tent. LAURA: Let’s not open it here, though. This town sucks! TRAVIS: Yeah, we were still planning on moving on after this. MATT: “Bosun and Ornna, you guys can use that tent, right?” “Yeah, I think we’ll take the tent.” “All right.” SAM: Aw, they took the tent. LAURA: Aw. We waited too long! SAM: You got to jump on the tent when it becomes available. LIAM: You know, just out of curiosity, what’s everybody plan to do now? SAM: Well do we have to leave? I mean I’m not wanted anymore. LIAM: You were never wanted. Back to my question– LAURA: Fjord and I are going to try and get him into the Academy. TRAVIS: Well, I wanted to find out more about the Soltrice Academy, yes. I didn’t know what direction you were heading. I never even asked what you were doing here in the first place. MARISHA: Oh, you know, I’m just doing a walking tour? Through the continent, just kind of– TRAVIS: A walking tour? MARISHA: Yeah, just like a backpack vacation, you know? Just stretch my legs a little bit. Meeting some fine people. Discovering myself. TRAVIS: Are you on a vacation? MARISHA: Yes. TRAVIS: Bring a lot of money with you for that vacation, did you? MARISHA: What’s it matter to you? TRAVIS: I don’t believe you’re on vacation. Where are you going? MARISHA: (laughs) That’s your problem. So, you guys going to take off or do you guys want company or– ? MATT: Gustav finishes the drink and goes, “Well, I’m going to go get some sleep and try and figure out how to put my life together. I bid you all a wonderful night–” LAURA: Gustav, wait! Here. And I take off one of my rings. This is an old family heirloom, and I hope it can help you pay some of your debt. TALIESIN: I want to spy the rings on her hand, by the way, really quickly. MATT: “Looks just like the one I lost off my pinky.” LAURA: Well, that’s so weird that you and my family have the same looking ones. MATT: “That’s wonderful, thank you so much.” LAURA: You’re welcome. MATT: “That’s very sweet.” TALIESIN: I want to look at the other rings she picked up, not that she’s wearing right now. LAURA: They’re right here. You can get a look at them! MATT: They’re all over her fingers. TALIESIN: They are obviously rings from random dead people, aren’t they? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Okay. I’m just putting that together. LAURA: I play dinosaur fights. MATT: Gustav puts his hat on. “Yasha, be safe, and punch anyone who gets in your way.” ASHLEY: I will. MATT: “Mollymauk, I hope you find what you’re looking for.” TALIESIN: I think I will. MATT: “To the new family, don’t make the same mistakes your forefathers did. The rest of you, thank you.” LAURA: (whispers) He said forefathers. SAM: (whispers) That’s progressive. (laughter) MATT: “I bid you all adieu,” and he exits. LAURA: What are you looking for, Molly? TALIESIN: Hmm, I’m not quite done with this one. We’ll see. ASHLEY: Toya. MATT: Bosun and Ornna stood up and Toya is there, “Yeah?” ASHLEY: What are your plans? What do you want to do? MATT: “I figure I’ll just move on with Bo and Ornna and make a new show. Something with a little less death. That’s what I’d like.” LAURA: You should make your way to the Menagerie Coast. I think you guys would have a lot of success in Nicodranas. MATT: “I haven’t been to Nicodranas.” LAURA: It’s beautiful. MATT: She looks up and tugs on the side of Bosun’s sleeve. “You know, I actually haven’t been there either.” LAURA: They’re always looking for good performers. You would do well. MATT: “Hmm. Let’s go ahead and make our way. That sounds like a nice change of pace, and this empire is getting a little stuffy for me anyway.” MARISHA: I’ve bend down to Toya, and I take off one of the little jade bangles around my wrist, and I say, “Here. This will keep you safe from assholes named Beau. Except for that asshole, named Bo. He’s a good Bo, but all other assholes named Beau.” MATT: You watch as Ornna elbows him and is like, “Oh, no, he’s an asshole too. It’s fine.” TALIESIN: It’s true. MARISHA: Sorry. Sorry again about that. MATT: She takes it and goes, “It’s okay. I know you did what you had to. But when I’m older, I’m going to get you back.” MARISHA: You better. LAURA: Your first nemesis! MARISHA: My first nemesis! MATT: Is a twelve year old girl! (laughter) MARISHA: I give her a little chin (weak punch sound). TRAVIS: She goes unconscious. (laughter) MARISHA: Aw, why? No! MATT: The three of them stand up and give a nod, wordlessly look over the rest of you with a smile of thanks, and Bosun looks to you and makes eye contact and goes, “Take care, brother. It gets tougher for us up north.” TRAVIS: I’ll keep that in mind. MATT: And they all leave the inn. ASHLEY: I mean, I’ll say it. I don’t know if you will, but I think that little girl is creepy. (laughter) TALIESIN: Oh no, she’s had a thing the entire time. There was a little while I thought she was in on it completely. ASHLEY: Yeah. LAURA: I mean, she might have been. TALIESIN: I’ve known her for years. I just assumed that she was in on it. LAURA: She could’ve been in on it, and just got right away with it. TALIESIN: Yeah. That would be great. LAURA: She’s good. MARISHA: For her, yeah, I mean I got to give it to her, yeah. TALIESIN: You know, no matter what you pick, you’re always welcome, right? ASHLEY: Yeah. TALIESIN: Wherever you end up. ASHLEY: Maybe for a little bit, but I’ve got some things I need do, so. LAURA: Do you guys want to travel with me and Fjord? ASHLEY: Where are you going, again? TRAVIS: Up north. Northeast to the Solstryce Academy. LIAM: Straight there. TALIESIN: Northeast. I’ve always wanted to go there. ASHLEY: Where’s… where northeast? LAURA: Um… (chuckles) SAM: We’re here. (laughter) MATT: Well technically, you don’t have a map. SAM: Oh, no. LAURA: We should really get a map, you guys. I haven’t spent a lot of time in this area and I don’t really know where we’re going. TRAVIS: We’re kind of going from town to town and asking as we go. Afraid we don’t know too much. LAURA: I wonder if there’s a place– maybe at the general store? They would have a map? Or do you have to go to a map maker? TALIESIN: Traditionally, you have to go to a map maker. MATT: Traditionally but it can depend. TALIESIN: We might have a bit of something at the circus, I don’t know. ASHLEY: I would love a map. LAURA: We’ll go looking for things tomorrow. We can go shopping. ASHLEY: Okay. We’ll go shopping with you. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Where are you guys heading off to? Seems like people are making pretty big plans. TRAVIS: There’s safety in numbers, you know? LIAM: Yeah. Took the words out of my mouth. LAURA: Nott, don’t you want to travel with us, too? SAM: Um, is she coming? LAURA: Yeah, she just said she was. ASHLEY: Oh, are you scared of me? SAM: A little bit. You’re very big. ASHLEY: Well, I thought you were Nott, the Brave? SAM: Oh. No, there’s no comma. LAURA: (laughs) SAM: I’m just Nott the Brave. (laughter) LIAM: I don’t know. You know, Nott and I have been travelling together for a while and two is better than one, although still very difficult. MARISHA: How long ago was it that you guys broke out of prison? LIAM: Uh… you know, it was six months ago, about. Five, six months ago. MARISHA: Damn, you guys are doing good. TALIESIN: Insight check. MATT: Against– TALIESIN: Five or six months ago. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, that was so close. TALIESIN: 14. SAM: You have to roll, don’t you? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Roll either persuasion or deception. You can choose. Don’t– LIAM: I’ll do persuasion. MATT: I mean, you don’t have to say but you did. That’s fine. LIAM: That’s uh, I don’t know where on my character sheet is. That’s also a 14. LAURA: Oh. MATT: All right, so seems on the level. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: (laughs) TRAVIS: Broke out of prison? That’s very impressive. SAM: Well, it was mainly Caleb. We had to get out. I mean, it was a bad place. LAURA: Were they going to kill you? SAM: We would have died, for sure. ASHLEY: But you guys were there together? Because you knew each other before? LIAM: Well, first of all, she’s being modest. It was not just me at all, I could not have gotten out of there without you. I don’t think you could have gotten out of there without me either but you know. SAM: That’s true, for sure. LIAM: That’s why I said two. Better than one. One is the loneliest number. LAURA: That you’ll ever see. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: There’s nothing wrong with being alone. LIAM: You know, normally I wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about shit like this but you are all very shifty. LAURA: I’m very trustworthy. TALIESIN: Thank you. LIAM: No, no, no, you’re shifty as well. Yeah. TALIESIN: It’s true. TRAVIS: In the short time we’ve spent with you, you seem to be very upstanding folks. I’m sure it wasn’t for anything too serious. LIAM: No, nothing serious at all, really. I was too curious. She was maybe a little thirsty. You know, petty stuff. SAM: But they treated us very badly and we needed to get out of there. LIAM: We all know how this country works. MARISHA: And where was ‘there’? TRAVIS: Yeah, is there anywhere we should stay away from on our travels? LIAM: (clears throat) SAM: Any place is– I mean, we’ve been travelling around a bit but– LIAM: You know, I wouldn’t go west, maybe. TALIESIN: Northwest. SAM: I’m told east is bad too. There’s monsters. LIAM: Yeah and they’re pretty terrible in the north. That’s no secret. LAURA: So we go south? SAM: Oh no, not south. (laughter) ASHLEY: It just depends where in the south, actually. TALIESIN: I’d be happy keeping a bit of a low-key existence. LAURA: Well, I mean we are vigilantes so it’s best if we, you know, have our secrets. TALIESIN: Some of us are a bit sketchy with the law. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Mollymauk, you’re comfortable leaving the circus? You are very– you have a lot of flair. TALIESIN: Well, I figured if you’re going to live your life, you’re going to live your life. LAURA: (jingling) TALIESIN: Does do that. There’s nothing wrong with living your life. You only get one of them, or mostly. And your days are going to be the days that you’re going to have and I’d like to keep living my life the way I’d like to and keep off of certain radars. MARISHA: Cheers to that. LAURA: Yeah. Life does need things to live. (laughter) TALIESIN: Stupid phrase. LIAM: That doesn’t make any sense at all. TALIESIN: Really stupid. TRAVIS: Who said that? LIAM: I mean, it does but it blatantly obvious and simplistic. (laughter) TALIESIN: That’s just ridiculous. (laughter) TALIESIN: That felt so good. That’s catharsis. TRAVIS: Yasha, anywhere that we should avoid for you? ASHLEY: You know. I’m just– I’ll make my way wherever we go and maybe I’ll not stay with you the whole time but I don’t like, you know– TRAVIS: Being confined. ASHLEY: Yeah. I don’t– groups and things– MARISHA: Are you claustrophobic? ASHLEY: Uh, no. MARISHA: You mentioned the smaller cl–cramped space in the cell. Just curious. LAURA: Clamp space? MARISHA: Clamps– clampy space. TALIESIN: Clam space. ASHLEY: I like to have my freedom. LIAM: I mean, technically this is a group. You mean groups bigger than this group or is this group too claustrophobic for you or– ? ASHLEY: No. I don’t mean it like that. I just want to make my own way sometimes. MARISHA: Not tied down to anything but that cloak, am I right? ASHLEY: (chuckles) Yeah, that’s right. LAURA: Speaking of cloaks, mine smells really bad. SAM: It was on top of a head. Ugh, that’s really gross. LAURA: I’m going to go try to find somewhere to wash it. MATT: Upstairs at the end of the hallway is a communal washroom. You can find space there. LAURA: Hey Caleb! LIAM: Yeah? LAURA: You know what’s upstairs? (laughter) LAURA: This place where I’m going to go wash some stuff. You could use it. TALIESIN: You smell fine. LAURA and MARISHA: (chuckles) SAM: I like you just the way you are. LAURA: You’re bloody now, too, in addition to being stinky. TALIESIN: You should probably get that patched up, actually, though. That is fair. LIAM: (clears throat) MARISHA: Yeah, I actually feel like you’re starting to get a rash. (laughter) LIAM: Yeah, I’m good, thank you. (laughter) TRAVIS: Damn right. (laughter) MATT: All right. SAM: Well, I suppose we should all go to sleep and then if any of us are here in the morning, we’ll set off together? TRAVIS: That seems fair. TALIESIN: I’m all right with that. Collect our things from– my things, anyway, from the circus. There should be some spares. LIAM: Do we have time to– look at this, we’re making plans with friends, that’s amazing. Do we have for errands in the morning? I have a couple stops. Nothing major. TALIESIN: Take me a while to pack. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: You guys want me to tag along with you? TRAVIS: If you weren’t too anxious to run off anywhere. MARISHA: (chuckles, clears throat) No. I’m free on my backpack tour. No plans. TRAVIS: Right. Any sightseeing we should schedule along our way? MARISHA: Maybe avoid Zadash just because I just came there, you know. Don’t want to hit the same place twice. TRAVIS: Zadash? MARISHA: Yup. TRAVIS: Keep that in mind. (laughter) TALIESIN: Note, note, note. MATT: As you guys are all finishing your drinks and standing up to leave the table, a familiar voice pipes in from the center of the tavern. “Beauregard?” MARISHA: (groans) MATT: And the Archivist who was there earlier during the trial in the stockade. “It’s been difficult to find you. Do you mind if we speak?” MARISHA: Hey, Zeenoth! Hey. It’s been all of about twenty minutes since I’ve seen you last. MATT: “Yes, um, would you walk with me? I believe we have much to discuss.” MARISHA: Okay. MATT: “Don’t worry. She’ll be returned to you. Just–” TRAVIS: You all right with this? MARISHA: It’s cool. I’ve got it. TALIESIN: We don’t care. We’re not that attached yet. LAURA: (laughs) MATT: “All right then. This way please, Beauregard.” MARISHA: (sighs) MATT: The elvish man gives a bow and he seems jovial. (laughter) TALIESIN: More mine, more mine! MATT: Beau leaves and you guys are able to go about the rest of your evening to rest however you see fit. LIAM: Way up after Nott has gone, I go over to Norda. Is Norda down there? SAM: Yorda. LIAM: No, there’s two people with rhyming names. MARISHA: Yorda is the bartender. MATT: Yorda is the bartender. LIAM: This is revenge for Vex and Vax. MATT: Yeah, and Purvon. LIAM: I find the purveyor of the establishment. MATT: Yorda. LIAM: Mork from Ork, that’s what I said. MATT: “Right, what can I help you with?” LIAM: Excuse me, is there– I know you have a bath here, but is there a hot bath place like a bathhouse? I’m bruised over every inch of my body and I’m in a lot of pain. MATT: “Right, that’ll probably be in the Hillsward. It’s a bit pricey, but I don’t know if it’s open this late.” LIAM: I know, but how much are we talking about? MATT: “Oh, I’d put it maybe somewhere in the neighborhood of five silver for a bath.” LIAM: That’s expensive. MATT: “But you get bathed like proper, multiple people bathing you.” LIAM: Northward, you say? MATT: “No, Hillsward.” LIAM: Okay, good. MATT: “I mean, no offense to you. Their clientele is a bit, upper class.” LIAM: I’m not worried. MATT: “Alright, fair enough.” LIAM: Danke. And I head up there. MATT: Okay. Beau, as you exit with Zeenoth. As soon as you step into the night air, a second figure flanks your other side. The hooded figure from earlier that had caught you. MARISHA: I just look at Zeenoth and go really? Is this really necessary? MATT: “It is only because it’s been so difficult to find you. I had to call in a favor. Please, come with us. We have a warehouse.” MARISHA: Do we have to with this guy? He fucking– look at him. He looks shifty. MATT: The head turns to you in the hood and you see dark elvish features. A bald head as the hood comes back. What looks to be a female elf of very lithe form who turns to you and goes, “Actually, it is a woman, but I’ll ignore that.” MARISHA: Sorry, you’re super covered– literally saw no features until right now. MATT: “It is fine.” MARISHA: You’re very attractive though. (laughter) MATT: And she walks ahead of you and the two of you begin to make your way there. They’re guiding you towards the Northward and as you step into the dark following their lead, we’re going to take a break. (cheering) MARISHA: I smell bad y'all. TRAVIS: Do you? MARISHA: Don’t. You were like, oh my cape smells bad and I was like RPing and I like, ooh. (laughter) TALIESIN: Everybody at home, grab your ticket you got in the mail. Scratch off number three. (laughter) MATT: We’ll be back here in a few minutes. For those of you who want to enter the Wyrmwood giveaway, tonight it’s a special Valentine’s Day promotion from our friends at Wyrmwood. They have four types of dice vaults to choose from where they translate your Valentine Day’s message in Elvish. (gasping) TRAVIS: Damn that shit glows! MATT: So you have some golden Evish stuff there. LAURA: It’s pretty and you can choose the wood. LIAM: The writing only shows up if you throw it in fire. (laughter) MATT: Don’t listen to Liam. To whoever is the winner of this or any of these, they’ll go ahead and get you the contact information for Wyrmwood so they can customize your phrase. If you want to be part of this giveaway over the break, make sure to use the keyword toad. T-O-A-D in the chatroom. There’s also apparently an anti-Valentine’s Day Drow vault they do as well. It’s pretty cool. Check them out at wyrmwoodgaming.com but if you want to enter that, the codeword is toad. Only enter once please in the Twitch chat because if you do more than once, you’ll be disqualified. Wait for them to notify you over the break and we’ll come back with the winner when we return. MARISHA: They gave us an amazing matching set with the Elvis– Elvish for our wedding. It was super sweet. Thanks Wyrmwood. Elvis from Memphis. MATT: (Elvis impression) “Oh that was a natural 20.” We’ll see you guys in a little bit. (cheering) [break] MATT: Hello, everyone, and welcome back. Before we jump back in, we have our winner from the chat. The winner is Piamo_Feddie! If I am reading this correctly, Piamo_Feddie. Congratulations! Danoba will get your contact information, we’ll get that sent out to you. Well done, and happy Valentine’s Day. Now jumping back into the game, I would like to ask everyone but Marisha to leave the table, please. MARISHA: See you, guys. TRAVIS: Don’t die! MARISHA: This is so scary! So nerve wracking. MATT: Beauregard. MARISHA: Mm-hmm. MATT: Quietly, they walk you through the night air, through the Northward, to a familiar place: the outskirts of the Baumbauch Family Brewery. There’s a slight opening on the side warehouse doors where you had previously worked when you first arrived at Trostenwald, and Archivist Zeenoth gestures for you to enter. “Please. If you don’t mind, my dear.” MARISHA: Really? Is this what got me caught, working for these fucking assholes? Ugh. I walk in. MATT: There is a single glowing lantern that is currently hanging from a rope that is strewn across the ceiling of the warehouse that gives a central source of light to the room. It causes the shadows to stretch out very long across the sides. MARISHA: What is this? MATT: As you walk in and turn around, the door is closed. The two figures approach. The female elf goes and takes a chair and sets it in the center beneath the lantern. “Please, have a seat.” MARISHA: I’d prefer to stand. MATT: She just sits back, about 20 or so feet, and leans against one of the large stacks of crates as Zeenoth approaches you. “Now, Beauregard. You have been what the Archive would call a problematic student.” MARISHA: (laughter) MATT: “I’ve had to pull in quite a bit of a favor–” MARISHA: Sorry. (laughter) Keep going. I’m listening. MATT: “Since I have been assigned to your tutelage, overseeing your progress and training, you’ve shown great promise, in many ways. You’re a seeker of truth, and you have a keen sense for manipulations and falsehoods. Correct?” MARISHA: Thanks? MATT: “When the Archive took you in at the behest of your family, you agreed to undergo our discipline. Our lifestyle.” MARISHA: No, I didn’t agree to shit. You took me in because I’m assuming my father paid you a pretty nice sum of coin to make sure that you took me in. I’m assuming that coin is no longer coming to the Reserve, so, why do you care? MATT: “Believe it or not, not everyone does what they do in this world for coin. We see possibility in you. We, wish to prevent you from blowing out your own flame. Your tendencies clash with our teachings, your dislike for authority.” MARISHA: Yeah, I thought you guys hated me. Thought I was doing you a favor by leaving. MATT: At which point, the woman from behind says, “Your dislike for authority is not a bad thing. It can keep you alive. Authority should always be questioned. Those with more power than you should be held to a higher standard.” MARISHA: Thank you, authoritative figure who I am unaware of your name? MATT: At which point, Zeenoth picks up, again, says, “But the way of the Knowing Mistress has an order of learning. Your patience is essential to adhering to this path. I know it may not be stimulating at times, but we must prepare your mind if we are ever to prepare your soul.” MARISHA: Yeah, I’d say that sorting books and punching brick walls repeatedly can definitely not be stimulating at all times. MATT: “Look, I just wish to–” At which point, the elven woman goes, “Enough. I’ve heard enough, Zeenoth. You are removed of your responsibility to oversee Beauregard.” Zeenoth’s eyes go wide. “This is not a student you can help. Return to Zadash.” Zeenoth goes, “Expositor, I do not think that I have been given a fair shot. Please–” “I know this girl, because I see much of myself in her. You cannot reach her. Go.” Zeenoth looks hurt. “I apologize that I failed you.” He turns around and heads back towards the warehouse doors, which shift open, and close. MARISHA: The fuck was that? MATT: The woman now steps forward. MARISHA: I feel like he made me look like an asshole, feel like an asshole. Fuck, maybe I’m an asshole. MATT: “Maybe you’re an asshole. You probably are an asshole. That’s all right, because so am I. Because sometimes you need someone to be an asshole to get shit done.” MARISHA: Being nice never did. What are we talking, stranger? MATT: “I am Expositor Dairon, of the Cobalt Soul.” MARISHA: Dairon? MATT: D-A-I-R-O-N. “I take it you have heard of our station through whispers.” MARISHA: Some people like to call you boogie men. I figured it was always real. In my opinion, the best way to hide in a secret organization is by having a boogie man. MATT: “We are the hidden strength of the library, you are not wrong. We wade in the filth of society. We weed out the corrupt. We pursue the secret evils of the world, and expose them to the light.” MARISHA: Wow. MATT: “We twist the arm of the unjust, until they spill their mysteries. We are the spies. We are the hunters. We are the watchmen to those who rule. We are not kind. We are forthright. We are truth. Do you, Beauregard, want to see the truths of the world?” MARISHA: Oh god, I’m sorry. I have this burn in my butt from all the smoke you just blew up my ass. It’s just, oh god. Is that a magical talent? MATT: What’s your armor class? MARISHA: 17. MATT: You suffer ten points of bludgeoning damage as, out of nowhere, her fist hits you right across the side of your face. MARISHA: It takes me to the ground. That takes me to the ground. MATT: You’re unconscious? MARISHA: No, just takes me to the ground. MATT: Okay. “Are you listening now?” MARISHA: Do I have a choice? MATT: “Let me be your teacher.” MARISHA: Oh, boy. Is that what I have to look forward to? MATT: “No. What do you want to do now, that that’s happened?” MARISHA: I kind of want to fucking punch you back. MATT: “Then do it.” “What’s stopping you?” MARISHA: Now you have my attention. And I fucking punch her in the face! MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack. MARISHA: Just a straight unarmed, right? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: 12 total, not good. MATT: She dodges out of the way, and as you move past, plucks you in the back of the head with a knuckle. That hits. You take one point of bludgeoning damage. It’s a very light tap. MARISHA: Ow! What the fuck, my dad used to do that type of shit. MATT: With that, she rushes around with a rapid pace to the front of you, feints with an upper cut, and then goes to elbow you in the side of the head. That is a 16. What’s your armor class? MARISHA: That misses. 17. MATT: Misses. You manage to duck out of the way of it. She goes, “Good. Good.” MARISHA: I got to add some points here. MATT: Okay. She’s going to go ahead and use her bonus action to go into a defensive stance. “Come on.” MARISHA: (yells) I’m going to spend a ki point, and go into Flurry of Blows, and do a blind haymaker, a second blind haymaker, and then try and backhand with the third. Wildly, recklessly. Okay, first one. Natural 20! MATT: Oh, shit! MARISHA: Second one. Natural 20! MATT: Two natural 20s in a row! MARISHA: I don’t have anyone sitting next to me to confirm this, but I swear it’s a natural 20! MATT: No, I can see it! MARISHA: I’ll take a picture if I have to! A natural 17. MATT: Roll damage on those first two! MARISHA: Okay. You double the dice, right? MATT: Yeah. Roll the dice, double it. MARISHA: Okay. That was a three, a two, so five, ten plus eight. 18. MATT: 18 points of damage. Then the third strike that hit? MARISHA: One, so another five points. God fucking– Thinking of my dad, after she just went “boop,” something just popping the back of my head. MATT: You watch as her defensive stance, she’s prepared for it, and as you go to swing, she lets it down at the last second, and lets you get some hits in. Wham, wham! But much stronger than she expected. The first one clocks her across the chin. The other one hits her across the temple. The last one– MARISHA: Just a wild backhand. MATT: Just hits her in the back of the head. She stumbles for a second, then spins around. You can see a bit of blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth, and there’s a little bit of a scrape of dirt on the side her head where you hit. She turns around. “Very good. You have learned some things in your time.” She quickly advances on you. Hits. 18, hits. Okay. You take three points of bludgeoning damage, one per hit. Pop! Pop pop! She is basically going full in with the strike, and is just prodding you with these gentle little hits, showing control, showing that she’s entirely able to overwhelm you, and she’s hitting different places on your body, strategically. Because with each hit, you feel this burst of numbness in those vicinities. I need you to make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Not great. That’s a natural seven, so ten total. MATT: Okay. After each hit, you gather yourself for a second, she stops and goes, “You are quick, and there is intelligence lying in there. You are also quite nimble at dodging blows. Do you see, with but a few simple strikes, I’m able to extract from you everything I need to know about you.” MARISHA: What the fuck, why can’t I feel my hand? What did you do? MATT: “You see, brute force has its place. But precision, and intent. That can take down the greatest of mountains, by poking the weakest point. Now, I know where your weak points are.” MARISHA: You don’t know shit about me, bitch. I’m going to take another attack. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: That’s a three. That’s a nine. MATT: Nope. With each miss, or, the first miss, she’s going to use a reaction to attack you. That’s going to be– She can do that. Ducks out of the way, and immediately uses a reaction to smack you in the head for one point of damage, another bludgeoning point. She’s going to spend another ki point to do another reaction. She can also do that. MARISHA: Roll. I rolled a 15 to attack. Second attack. These are two attacks, right? MATT: For your second one, yeah. MARISHA: 15, so, 21. MATT: Yeah, the second one does hit. She does not get the second attack. Roll damage on that second strike. MARISHA: Okay. Attacking her with the first one, and then I’m just going to duck down a little and jab her right in the ribs. MATT: All right. What was the damage on that? MARISHA: Eight. MATT: Eight damage, nice. You crack her in the ribs, and the impact actually does catch her off guard. She ends up tumbling five feet backward across the ground, catching herself in a three-point landing. MARISHA: I back up. I’m going to spend another ki point to do my defensive stance. Patient defense. MATT: Okay. Patient defense. You go into that stance that she was in earlier, but holding it for the entirety of this. Her eyes narrow for a second. You see her looking at all the different points that she struck on you earlier, like she’s reading some sort of a docket on what your physicality is. With that, she doesn’t run at you, she runs around you in a circle and begins to jump off the sides of the boxes, some of the crates that are stacked up nearby. You watch them wiggle as she puts her weight up against them, leaps off– MARISHA: Instead of getting distracted by her, I just listen to her and look at her out of my periphery. MATT: Okay. Eventually, she uses her momentum to climb to the top with her feet and leap off, then come downward with the knee towards you. MARISHA: Right as she comes down and I’m going to use– Oh, wait, dodge? Go first? MATT: You’re already in your defensive stance, so her attack’s at disadvantage against you. The first strike. 19, 20 to hit? MARISHA: Miss. It says patient defense, spend one ki point to take the dodge action as a bonus action on my turn. MATT: Correct, what the dodge action does is it means any attacks against you have disadvantage. MARISHA: Oh. Cool. MATT: The first one did hit. Second one does not. The third one does. Two hits still get you. Both one point of bludgeoning damage. The knee comes down, and right as it cracks into your head, she shifts to the side and glides off, and as soon as her body glides off, her back is to yours, and her spinning elbow goes and cracks you in the side of the head, but it stops short, just barely hitting you. She’s toying with you at this point. MARISHA: You said two more points? MATT: Yes, two more points of bludgeoning damage. Make another constitution saving throw, please. MARISHA: 11. No, sorry, 12. MATT: This time, opposed to the pressure points being hit, there is the one smack on the side of your head. MARISHA: Yeah? MATT: This pain surges through the side of your temple, and travels through your spine, to all the points she had hit earlier, and your whole body tenses and seizes for a second. Your vision blurs, and your mouth stammers, and you’re stunned for the next round. As she lands behind you, and walks around to the front of you, you’re unable to, you can’t move, you can’t speak. “I can start you on this path. You can return to your wanderlust, your allies. Our kind learns more in the world than in a library. Agree to my instruction, to use the skills I teach you, as you return throughout your journeys. One day, you too, can become an expositor.” You begin to regain control of your senses, and your speech begins to slowly return to you. MARISHA: Okay. I got to hand it to you, that was awesome, and I want to know how to do that. You beat me. MATT: “Very well. Your first lesson begins now.” MARISHA: Okay. (groan) MATT: She snaps her fingers, and you watch as Zeenoth steps back in, sheepishly. “Is it over, my dear? Is it done?” “I need you to stand here for a second, Zeenoth. I need a body. Let me show you the proper pressure points.” Zeenoth’s eyes go wide for a second. “I don’t believe–” “You owe me a favor. I found her for you, did I not?” Zeenoth sighs, sags his head, and takes his cloak off. MARISHA: I grab that stool, and I drag it over. MATT: “Now, depending on what you wish to learn, there are different places where you can pull the information from the body.” Over the next few hours, working with you, and over time– MARISHA: Does she beat the shit out of Zeenoth? MATT: You both do. MARISHA: Sorry, Zeenoth. Sorry. God, we’re such assholes. MATT: “Assholes that the world needs, from time to time.” MARISHA: Yeah. The world does need an asshole. We’ll work on that one together. We’ll work on that. That’s good, that’s good. MATT: “I’ll return to Zadash in the morning. Take what I have taught you. "When you feel it’s time for more tutelage, return to me. Do not worry. I have an eye on you.” MARISHA: What do I do until then, do I just continue– MATT: “Do what you must. Travel the world. Use what I’ve taught you. Learn about injustice. Those you don’t trust, follow them. Bend them. Make them tell the truth and admit their guilt. Find where ever corruption is. Root it out and let the system do its job. If the system isn’t doing its job, destroy the system.” MARISHA: Why are you doing this? Why me? MATT: “Because a long time ago, I was a wayward girl with no direction, was angry, and fighting at the world. And someone did this for me.” MARISHA: I don’t really believe in systems or being a part of them, let alone a system that takes down other systems. Seems almost hypocritical. MATT: “Perhaps. Who knows. Maybe one day you’ll find the corruption inside our own.” MARISHA: Touche. MATT: “Go. Get some rest. Clean up a bit, I think you could use it.” MARISHA: You might have broke my wrist. MATT: “It’ll heal. Zeenoth.” She slaps him awake. His unconscious body on the ground. MARISHA: Bye, Zeenoth! Zeenoth! MATT: (coughing) MARISHA: Zeenoth! MATT: “Oh dear.” MARISHA: Bye. MATT: “Goodbye. I have such great pleasure in saying goodbye, and good riddance.” MARISHA: I leave. MATT: You make your way back to the tavern, go back into the room, and, exhaustedly, pass out. Let’s bring everyone else back in. MARISHA: Hi, friends. How’s it going? TRAVIS: Are you alive? LIAM: I’m sure everything went according to plan. TALIESIN: Quiet dignity and grace. MATT: As you all come to consciousness in the morning, little sore, but recovered–mostly–from the battle that wrecked you the evening before. The fresh smells of cooked meats, and the sounds of various patrons below in the inn tavern floor, rouse you to the morning. What do you wish to do? LIAM: Ah– MARISHA: Hi, guys. Sorry I snuck in last night. TRAVIS: How does she look? MATT: She’s beat to shit. TRAVIS: Oh, fuck! Did you get horse kicked? MARISHA: Several times. TRAVIS: Damn. How’s the horse look? MARISHA: Horse is fucking dead. I ate it. TRAVIS: That’s a bit excessive. MARISHA: Horse is fucking fine. Hey, Jester, do you have a bandage? Do you have a thing? LAURA: Oh, yes! Of course I do. I have a lot of bandages because I am the cleric. TRAVIS: I don’t know if that bone’s supposed to be sticking out of that part. LAURA: Yes, I’m going to open the medical kit and rummage around. Pull out some stuff. Give me your wrist! I can definitely heal this. TRAVIS: I bet Yasha can pop it back into place. MARISHA: Yeah, crack. MATT: Make a medicine check. TRAVIS: You just made a bow. TALIESIN: It was string and mime. MARISHA: Oh, you made it worse! LIAM: (blood gushing) LAURA: 20. MATT: Okay. It’s actually fairly well made; it gives some nice support to it. I mean, it’s more of a sprain than a break. But it helps offer some support to it. It’ll heal. MARISHA: I’ve had some sprains that feel like breaks. MATT: Yeah, no, it hurts like a bitch, or it did last night. Or it feels a little better today, but that’s definitely going to help give it some support. Good job. MARISHA: Thank you. ASHLEY: What happened to you? LAURA: I’ve been practicing. TRAVIS: Not you, her. What happened to her? LAURA: Oh. Sorry. MARISHA: Man, it was a great night. I had a great night! I haven’t had a great night in a long time, you guys. That was a great night. TRAVIS: With the guy you– LAURA: You came in really late. TALIESIN: I’d like to see the other guy. MARISHA: I might have been accepted into, like, a secret society. It’s kind of secret society business. It’s hard to talk about. LAURA: Are you allowed to talk about it? Tell us about it! MARISHA: Okay! No, I can’t. It’s fine. There are these monks. I thought they hated me. It turns out they like me. Turns out they want me to become a part of their gang. But it’s not really real, and they’re like, “Just keep doing your thing! But you’re against injustice and seek out truth and break systems!” LAURA: You are a hero! LIAM: Is this one of those dreams where nobody has their clothes on? TALIESIN: You know, if the monks beat you up to make them join your gang, they’re not really your friends. MARISHA: You know, I said something like that to her. It wasn’t as black and white as that. TALIESIN: Is that why they did that to your face there? Oh, no, they didn’t. Apparently they were pretty– MARISHA: I wouldn’t say this woman was my friend. I would say she’s definitely a badass. I wouldn’t say she’s my friend. TRAVIS: This woman, was she with the fellow that you left with last night? MARISHA: She was. His name was Zeenoth. He’s an archivist of the Cobalt Reserve. Lot of books there. Lot of books. TRAVIS: Cobalt Reserve. He was in the court. ASHLEY: Was this a test of some sort? MARISHA: I think so. LAURA: Did you pass? I mean, they made you a hero, so obviously you did. MARISHA: I’m not a hero. That’s not what they did. It’s more like a vigilante! Like what we said! Yeah! LAURA: This is so great. Can they let us into the secret society too? MARISHA: No. LIAM: Well, you know, this is very fascinating, but I have some errands to run. Nott, would you like to run errands with me? We are totally coming back and not leaving on our own undercover. TRAVIS, LAURA, and TALIESIN: Insight check. LIAM: Bring it on. MARISHA: Do you need an insight check to know that that was shady as fuck? TALIESIN: Fuck all. LAURA: 15. TRAVIS: 11. LIAM: Persuasion? TALIESIN: 11. MATT: You don’t have to tell me what you’re rolling! LIAM: I rolled a natural 20! Whatever. I’m being very honest! We’re not going anywhere. But I do have errands to run. So, we’re going to leave soon. Have some breakfast. I grab some bacon from Ford/Fjord’s plate, and grab Nott and head out the door. TALIESIN: Meet us at the circus. LAURA: I’m going to draw in my sketchbook a drawing of the devil toad head rolling along the ground like a bowling ball. SAM and TALIESIN: She really did. LAURA: Well, kind of. I put the little bowling ball things on there. And he’s going to run into all of us, in chains, being knocked down like pins. MATT: Okay. Roll a dexterity check. Why not? LAURA: Eight– No, 15. MATT: It’s very well done. There’s, like, hatch mark shading. LAURA: Well, I did get really good training, so it’s good that I know how to do shading. MATT: All right, what are you guys doing? The rest of you, while they rush off to go about their errands. TRAVIS: Apparently eating less of my bacon, motherfucker. TALIESIN: I’m going to pack up and head back to the circus. Start getting things together. ASHLEY: Yeah. I think I’ll join you. MATT: Molly and Yasha are heading back to the carnival grounds. LAURA: I want to go try to buy a map. MARISHA: That’s a good idea. LAURA: Yeah! ASHLEY: Oh, I did actually want to see that map. TALIESIN: I’ll meet you there. Actually, you know what? I want to see you see that map. ASHLEY: I think that’s a great idea. Seeing me see a map is something pretty special. TALIESIN: It’s gorgeous. It’s fabulous. MATT: You guys, where are you heading off to? LIAM: I have two places to go. The first, we’re going to the Burnished Bibelots. The second is a surprise. But I know that I whisked you away in a hurry the other day and you weren’t done browsing. SAM: That sounds lovely and I would like to browse there again, but, honestly, Caleb, I am very worried about you. You have passed out twice in the last few days, and unless we get you a healing potion, there is no promise that you will still be alive tomorrow. I think we should go to Natural Remedies. You distract the owner while I go in the back and I steal a healing potion. It’s the only way to guarantee your safety. LIAM: Maybe that’s the third place that we go. I will point out your point, which was that these crazy bastards are very distracting and strange, yeah? SAM: Yes! LIAM: So they could be my healing potion, you know? We’ll talk about it. Third place. So, drag her off to the Burnished Bibelots. Boom, in the door. MATT: You head inside. It looks as chaotic as you left it. You see what looks to be a small bowl of heated porridge that’s gathered on the counter, and cross-legged on top is the fantastic gnomish purveyor of the interior, Oglen. “Hello?” LIAM: Good day to you, sir! MATT: “Good day to you as well.” LIAM: I give Nott a little shove over towards the shelves and walk up to him, right up to the counter. What are you eating there? That looks good. MATT: “Breakfast.” LIAM: All right, yeah. That’s what that is. You know, I wanted to thank you for the book. I don’t know if you read it yourself, but I read it cover to cover quickly. It was fascinating and very useful. [aside, quietly] I hope you’re doing stuff over there. MATT: “All sales are final!” LIAM: Well, here’s the thing. I have read this book and loved it, and if you would like to purchase it for the low, low price of one gold, you can sell it again. You sold it to me for three. You have it back for one. You can turn a profit. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Natural 20. MATT: You watch as some of the porridge is spilling out the side of his mouth, and he rubs it off. “All right.” And he pulls a gold coin out of his pouch. LIAM: That is a good decision, and it was a good book. I am grateful for the knowledge you have imparted upon me. MATT: “Might I have the book?” LIAM: Oh, of course! It’s right here on the table. Sorry, grandfather. MATT: “All sales are final.” LIAM: Right. You will not sell that back to me, for sure. MATT: “Do you want it? I can sell it to you for three gold.” LIAM: That’s a good price. Nott, how are you doing? SAM: (chewing) Bacon’s really good! LIAM: All done for the day? SAM: I’m looking around for something to swipe. MATT: Make an investigation check. You guys keep just shaking down this poor gnome guy. SAM: Ten. MATT: Looking around, I mean, a lot of this is knick-knacks and inane garbage, and things that just aren’t quite worth what you’d be looking for. You do find one art piece that looks like it’s a pretty good art piece with a decent frame, might be worth a little bit, but that’s the best you can find. Everything else here looks like it’s the dingy side of the Salvation Army. SAM: Anything small? Ooh! Can I find my old flask that I left here? MATT: Yes, I’ll let you do that. It has not moved from where you placed it. SAM: I’m going to steal back my old flask. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check, please. LIAM: What is that little dancer toy? Between the three red mushrooms on the shelf behind you, is that a music box there? MATT: “It is a music box.” He takes it and cranks it. SAM: 24. MATT: “It was a music box.” LIAM: It’s lost the magic. MATT: “I can fix it.” LIAM: How long would that take? MATT: He breaks it open, looks inside. “Three days.” LIAM: Okay. Well, I’ll come back and see your work in three days. Work on that and your breakfast. Hey Nott, are you ready? SAM: Mm-hmm! LIAM: All right. Good day to you. Happy sales. MATT: “Happy sales, as well.” LIAM: Sure. Out the door. SAM: I rolled a 24. MATT: Yeah, he did not notice at all. LIAM: I’m going to head in the direction, dragging my goblin friend with me, to that fancy bathhouse that was described to me last night at the Nestled Nook. MATT: You guys make your way southward. Go ahead and make a general charisma check. LIAM: Charisma check? Well, something I wanted to do before we got there, was going to do it maybe in an alley, but you tell me, is I would like to cast Disguise Self on myself. Presumably gone into an alleyway so no one sees me doing this in the middle of the road. I take the form of a man in very fancy green robes, beautiful blond hair, very handsome man, with a vomit stain down the front of my clothes. MATT: Okay. Specific and easily done. LIAM: I drag my little friend along with me. You are going to like this, this is something very special. SAM: I’m excited. LIAM: Oh, charisma check. Straight charisma? MATT: Straight charisma. Add your modifier. LIAM: Yeah, it’s 11. MATT: 11, okay. With your Disguise Self form, it’s easy enough for you to ask a few questions, and eventually you are given directions to what is called the Warm Dew Bathhouse. Warm Dew. LAURA: Warm Doo, D-O-O. MATT: D-E-W. LIAM: Dew, dew. There’s a liquid u in that. TRAVIS: Warm doo. Thank you. MATT: It’ll be one before you bathe there and the other when you leave. (laughter) LIAM: All right, let’s enter this establishment. MATT: For as far south as this is, it’s pretty decent compared to the other areas. Most of the Hillsward– you get the sense that a lot of the rural farming community that fills out most of Trostenwald, a lot of the money that gets made goes directly to the central portion of this ward, where this bathhouse is. It’s small, but it’s really well put together. As you walk inside, you can see there are marble busts set on the sides of the entrance way, each side. You can see nice tapestries that are pulled back over the windows, and as both of you walk in, you see this young man, maybe his mid-twenties or so. Human, but he looks very thin and sickly, like he had a rough upbringing, and his general constitution has suffered for it. He has a warm smile, and he’s wearing these long white robes with what looks to be a yellowish scarf that’s wrapped around as he approaches. “Hello and good morning. Can I help you?” LIAM: Yes, one moment. (quietly) Stay close to me and let me do the talking. (louder) Hello, please, don’t focus– my daughter is shy. MATT: “I’m very sorry.” LIAM: I’ve had a terrible day. Some disgusting derelict has vomited all over me, I smell like filth, and I would like to spend a couple of hours in your finest bath. Maybe not your finest. A good bath, for a couple of hours. My daughter and I. I will need adjoining baths, if you have that. For modesty’s sake, my daughter and I. MATT: “That can be done. Of course.” Make a persuasion check. LIAM: (humming) There’s a 12. MATT: “For two hours, that will run– for two baths adjoining, we’ll put it at eight silver pieces.” LIAM: That’s fine. I definitely have that. I take out the eight silver, I slap it down. MATT: “Wonderful. We’ll show you to your bathroom.” LIAM: Okay. Come along, dear. SAM: Yes, Vater. MATT: You guys are escorted to what– It’s really off-putting for the two of you. Not only is the smell clean inside here, but there’s the scent of lavender in the hallway, and you hear soft music in the distance. As you walk past, you do see that there is a resident violinist that plays, and you guys are led to these two– SAM: This is really nice! LIAM: Yes, it is. SAM: They got a violinist over there! I’m sorry, zey got a violinist over zere, Vater. LIAM: That’s meine Liebchen. I’m hoping for a hot bath for the both of us. It has been a long bit of travel. MATT: “Right this way.” Leads you into the chambers. There is a glass, fogged window, so the sunlight comes through, but no one can see through. There are some linens set out, a towel, and two basins that are freshly filled with steaming water. You are left into the chamber. LIAM: Are they separate, though? MATT: They’re separated by a small wall that’s eye length, but you can still talk to each other over it. LIAM: Excellent. This is called a bath. SAM: I’ve heard of them. LIAM: A hot bath. We have been pretty dinged up for the past several months, and we might not get back into something like this for a while, so I want you to enjoy it. Go over to your side, and I will be here. Nott, I’m going to do a bit of reading. SAM: While you bathe? LIAM: Yes. SAM: You’ll still be the same Caleb when you’re done, right? LIAM: Yes, I will be the same Caleb. SAM: I’ve just gotten used to you, and now you’re going to change a bit. LIAM: Trust me, I will not. SAM: All right. LIAM: Once she is clear of the wall, I’m going to start actually disrobing, although I guess the illusion stays. MATT: The illusion stays. Strangely, clothes start apparating out of you. (slurping) MARISHA: It’s like a bad video game glitch. Bad texture glitch. LIAM: Nott, I’m probably going to go quiet for a little while. SAM: No problem. I’ll just be over here, you know, bathing. LIAM: Enjoy it. I find the second book and examine it. Am I able to read this? MATT: You are, actually. There is one incomplete arcane inscription in there. Unfortunately, it’s been too burned, beyond recognition. You can see this was a spellbook. Mostly destroyed, but there are two complete spells in there that, if you wish to, you could transcribe over into your book. Those would be Arcane Lock and Unseen Servant. ALL: Ooh! LIAM: So. All my actual clothes are off. I’m going to take the book and set it on the edge of the basin. MATT: Because you paid for it, there is a hinged, small desk piece where food can be eaten, or drinks could be served while people are taking a bath. LIAM: I set it down. I sit with just my legs in the bath for a moment, and I look at the book. [exhales] SAM: I’m going to find the pitcher of cucumber water, dump it on the floor, and eat all the cucumbers. (laughter) MATT: As you hear over the wall (gobbling). SAM: Look around for anything in the room that can be stolen? MATT: Plenty of things, actually. No one’s watching. There’s a vase that’s really nice. The doorknob itself is a brass, gold-like material. SAM: I’ll start working on that. MATT: Using your thieves’ tools, you can get that free, if you want. SAM: After a while, I put a toe into the water, feel it, and I’m like: Nah. I’ll use my empty flask and fill it up with water. MATT: Okay. You get a water flask. SAM: Then work on the doorknob. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a thieves’ tools check, adding your dexterity. SAM: 12. MATT: Add the dexterity and your proficiency. SAM: Oh. 14. MATT: There you go. With very little sound, the doorknob comes off, and you have now a solid brass doorknob. There is the vase. SAM: Is it a big vase? MATT: It’s like that big. It’s more of a decorative flower holder over by the window. SAM: Sure. I’ll try to get that too. MATT: Easy. You get it. There’s nobody watching you! SAM: I’ll also save the flowers in a separate pouch. MATT: Okay. There you go. SAM: Any towels. Ooh, you know what? MATT: Yeah, the linens can be taken. SAM: I’m going to take one towel and tear it into shreds, and use it to replace any of my bandages that have worn or fallen off. MATT: Easy enough. There’s some nice clean bandages. Good. SAM: I’m good. LIAM: On my side, while all of that is happening, two things. One is that when I finally get into the tub I dip my whole body almost entirely in, but not my head or hair. Letting the bruises soak in the hot water, which feels wonderful. The second thing is, while flipping the pages of this book, very still, I can hear all of this, and it is extremely endearing, but I go completely still. Completely quiet. And read in peace. MATT: While you guys are taking a bath, the rest of you are going off on a shopping trip. Except for you, you’re going to– TALIESIN: No, I’m going map hunting. MATT: That’s right. You’re going. Who’s all going together? LAURA: All of us. MATT: Where are you going? LAURA: Okay, I’m going to ask Yorda if there’s a map maker in town. TALIESIN: Or if she can draw us a map of how to get there. MATT: “There’s not much of a specific cartographer in place. Most of the cartography guilds are up "north in either Zadash or Rexxentrum. There might be one in Alfield? We’re a bit small over here. "You could ask the general store, or you could maybe go to the stockade. They have maps there but "they use those. You might be able to pay enough for them.” LAURA: I don’t want to go back to the stockade. MATT: “Then maybe check the general store or any of the strange book places might have something "old and lying in the back.” LAURA: Ooh, what strange book places? MATT: “Well, let’s see. There’s the Hillsbrook Parchment and Binding. There’s the Burnished "Bibelots, that I think one of your friends has already been to. Those are the two strange book "places. I’m not much of a reader myself, so I couldn’t tell you.” LAURA: Can you draw me a map of how to get to those places? MARISHA: We’ve already been to the general store. LAURA: Yes, you’re right. I guess we can try that place. MARISHA: You can still make her draw a map. I don’t want to rain on your parade. I’m sorry. TRAVIS: You just shit all over her. MARISHA: I totally did. MATT: She gives you directions. LAURA: Let’s go on a trip! MATT: Where are you guys going first? MARISHA: (singing) General store! LAURA: We’ve been there before. MARISHA: (singing) I want to buy another health pack! SAM: Health pack? MARISHA: I meant a healer’s kit. LAURA: The general store doesn’t like us very much. Oh wait. That healer’s kit, is that the one you bought when we were together? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: You spent way too much money on it because I changed the tag? MARISHA: Yeah. That one. LAURA: That was great. Now I have it. Cool. MARISHA: You won twice. MATT: Everything’s coming up Jester. LAURA: All right, let’s go back there. They don’t like me, but let’s go back there. MARISHA: I can just pop in if you want to wait outside. LAURA: They don’t like you either. MARISHA, Yeah, but they like money. Let’s go. MATT: All right, so you guys make your way to Lochward General in the Lochward District. As you enter, the older woman, Harper Mince, is there in the general store. It’s the large, almost wooden barn exterior. The front door opens two ways, and the inside is wall-to-wall lined with tools for farming and farming equipment for building. There’s lumber. There’s all sorts of iron nails. It’s by all accounts a rural general store. You see on far end is Harper, the older woman there, standing and looking out at the rest of you. “Hi, can I help you? What are you looking for?” LAURA: We are looking for pickles, did you get any yet? MATT: “No, we don’t sell pickles here, sorry.” LAURA: Most general stores have pickles, this is the only thing. MARISHA: You’re not wrong, generally, yeah. MATT: “We can order some pickles, if you like.” LAURA: Yeah, you probably should. I think you would do well if you sold pickles. Do you have maps for sale of the area? MATT: “The area? Let me check. I’ll be right back.” LAURA: Does she leave the room? MATT: Yeah, she does. She leaves the room. TRAVIS: Don’t– put your hands in your pockets. LAURA: Don’t put my hands in my pockets, got it! I start running around and just moving everything on the shelves again the same way as before. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. SAM: You’re just moving things? LAURA: Yeah, just like moving– TRAVIS: Please be Laura when she was five and break shit. LAURA: Oh yes! 18 plus five. TALIESIN: This is beautiful. MATT: With nary a squeak you completely rearrange in a period of about two and a half minutes most of the price cards that are dangling from a number of the tools, their placement. You guys all sit back and watch as this glorious display– you can almost hear the William Tell Overture begin to play in the back of your head as she rummages back and forth throughout the interior of the chamber, turning things around and sticking them in the ground. It has been completely rearranged. LIAM: [old man voice] Why is this crowbar seven gold? MATT: Eventually you hear some rummaging from the back room and some footsteps coming nearby and you quickly stop and return to your original point there and Harper Mince returns from the back room. She has a few papers in her arms. She goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t have any maps of the local area for detail. I have a map of the Dwendalian Empire as a whole, I hope that’s enough.” LAURA: I mean, that could work, I suppose. It’s not what we need, but if that’s what you have that’s what we can buy from you. MATT: “All right, let me look at the date here. This will run about seven silver.” LAURA: Okay, that sounds like a good price, yeah. MARISHA: Can I also get another healer’s kit? If you have one. MATT: “Right, yes, let me go ahead and get that for you here.” The healer’s kit. Looking up the pricing in the equipment section.That is five gold pieces for the healer’s kit. (groaning) MARISHA: Five gold. MATT: All right, mark it off. You get yourself a secondary healer’s kit. MARISHA: Well, one healer’s kit. She’s got the other one. MATT: You hand over the seven silver? LAURA: Yes, I do. MATT: She takes it and put the ribbon back on it. Finally get to give that to you guys. LIAM: Shut the front door! LAURA: And I have a pretty ribbon out of it. TALIESIN: We’re going to Goonies this really quickly here. Ready? LAURA: What the fuck?! SAM: That’s beautiful! Who made this? Did you make this? MATT: I designed the layout, but the map is made by a wonderful woman named Deven Rue, who does incredible handcrafted maps. SAM: You got to get a camera on this shit. TRAVIS: Hold it up! MARISHA: Put it in the middle. TALIESIN: Take a look, it’s amazing! TRAVIS: Oh my god! MARISHA: Wait, where are we? MATT: You guys are in Trostenwald, right there. This is north, this is south. SAM: Angle it to that camera. LAURA: What camera? ALL: Wow. MATT: This is the Dwendalian Empire. This is not all of Wildemount, this is just a portion. Deven did an incredible job with this. You should follow her on Patreon or Twitter, she does amazing work. She does incredible work. LAURA: Oh my god, you guys, let’s go all of these places. ASHLEY: Maybe not all of them. LAURA: Okay, we are definitely going to visit this place called Hupperdook. SAM: I think I had one of those this morning. [laughter] LAURA: Then we’ll make our way up to Nogvuror. Oh man, this is awesome. Hey look, look over here! This is where I live! SAM: There be dragons there. TALIESIN: You live in a serpent? LAURA: Mm-hmm. MATT: By the way, Deven, who did the map, it is her birthday today. MARISHA: Happy birthday, Deven! LAURA: Damn, this is amazing! Okay, I’ll leave it up here. TALIESIN: If you pull out a real medi-kit now I’m going to be really excited. 50 bandages come flying in… ASHLEY: That is so beautiful. MATT: She did an incredible job. The exchange is done, you have your map. Anything else you guys want to handle? TALIESIN: Medi-kit? MARISHA: I got it. LAURA: Can I just look around and see if there’s anything interesting to buy in here, like– MATT: There’s plenty of tools. There are various packs of supplies. LAURA: I guess if I bought the painter’s kit then it just stays and I don’t run out of that. MATT: Over time you would run out of it. LAURA: But I’m good on paint? MATT: Good for a while. TRAVIS: Can I actually approach the storekeep and say: do you know of any stores that have arcane items, things with magical properties, healing potions? MATT: “I’m sorry, we’re a bit out of the center of the country for arcane items. You’d want to go further north for that.” TRAVIS: Further north? I appreciate your time, thank you. MATT: “Of course.” MARISHA: This town blows. TRAVIS: She’s right fucking there. MARISHA: I don’t care. [laughter] TRAVIS: Shall we depart? LAURA: Sure. Thank you so much for this beautiful map. You did a really good job drawing it. MATT: Take your map. ASHLEY: I also really like what you’ve done with the place. MATT: “Thank you very much–” MARISHA: Let’s go, bye! Thank you! MATT: “I– um…” TRAVIS: Gotta go! MARISHA: [bell dangling noises] MATT: As you guys all exit, she begins to come around the counter. TALIESIN: I like the idea of you just standing there going, [bell dangling noises] LAURA: Wherever we go, I’m going to bury my head in the map and walk behind everybody like a total tourist. TALIESIN: Well, that’s the question: are we going to be able to grab a cart or two from the circus? MATT: You can probably get a cart. TALIESIN: Like one of the little vardos? Can we snag a vardo? MATT: Technically it’s a vardo and the three of them took it. There’s a vardo and then there’s some carts. You weren’t rolling with a pretty heavy– honestly, most of the room in the carts was either for carrying you guys, whatever small bags you had with you, and the poles you would assemble to make the tent. Are you guys done with your business? Anything else you want to do while you’re out and about? TRAVIS: That’s it for me. LAURA: There’s nowhere we can buy healing potions in this city? MATT: There’s Natural Remedies, which you’ve passed before, but not entered. It’s an herbal healers establishment. LAURA: Let’s try that. TALIESIN: I’m very wary of this, but fine. TRAVIS: It’s going to smell like “Sephoria,” I know it. LAURA: Sephora. TRAVIS: That’s the fancy version. MATT: Now, you guys had left earlier, so as you guys head toward Natural Remedies, you guys finish your bath. LIAM: I pack up. I said we’re staying for an hour, so I cast Disguise Self again to keep the illusion going. I’m done, you look– SAM: I splashed some water on my face. LIAM: –refreshed. SAM: Oh, it was such a good bath. I’m ready to go now, I feel refreshed. LIAM: Did you like it, though? SAM: It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. LIAM: I wanted to repay you for all you’ve done for me for the past couple of days. SAM: Consider it paid! You look the same. Does he look the same? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: The brief moment that I was in my own guise nothing changed up here, so I look exactly the way I did this morning. LAURA: What’s the purpose of that? LIAM: Who said that? You wanted to do something, right? SAM: I wanted to go to Herbal Remedies and see if we could get you a healing potion. LIAM: Let’s do that, then. You lead the way. Well wait, you lead the way outside. Let’s keep our little schtick going here and then off we go. MATT: All right. As you guys exit– SAM: Auf Wiedersehen! MATT: “I trust you enjoyed your time at the bath, thank you.” LIAM: Yes, but we have to go. Sorry, I’m late for a very important appointment. I drag Nott right out of here because I saw no doorknob on the door. MATT: Yeah, amongst other things. You guys make your way out and beeline it towards the Lochward to where you would find Natural Remedies. The rest of you guys, as you approach the exterior, amongst the rest of the buildings in the central city, Natural Remedies is, for lack of a better term, humble. It’s a small shack, but as soon as you approach it has very strong, pungent smells of funguses. TRAVIS: Instant headache. MATT: Yep. On the outside you can see, right where the doorway is open, there are strings of herbs that are tied up and left to dry out. On the inside, you can already see that there are shelves of various flora and fauna that are being cultivated for various remedies and means of selling to anybody who wants to come by and procure herbal medicines. Let’s see who’s handling this one, because you guys have not been here yet. As you enter the main chamber– LIAM: Sorry, I will say that on the way there that I dropped the disguise, somewhere. MATT: Okay, easily enough, so you guys haven’t arrived yet. You guys have arrived. As you enter the interior, it’s a very musty smell on the inside, too. There’s a lot of fungus being grown on the inside here, and you can see that elements of it may have expanded into the corners of the actual room and it’s not necessarily the nicest space to be wandering in. It seems natural. Across the way, you see a gentleman of relatively tanned skin, with darker hair that’s ratty and clustered. He’s in his late twenties or so, looks to be upon closer inspection partial elven blood, partial human blood, and he’s in the process of carefully carving a large stalk of what looks like a fungus off of a small pot that he pulled off one of the shelves. As you enter, he doesn’t even make eye contact. He goes, “Hello, please, just wait a moment. There we are. Hi, can I help you?” LAURA: Yeah, my friends keep dying. Do you have any health potions? MATT: “We have a handful, that is correct. How many are you looking to purchase?” LAURA: How many do you have? MATT: “Four.” LAURA: Ooh. That will last us probably, like, a day. MATT: “What do you do for a living?” LAURA: We’re superheroes. TALIESIN: Sword jugglers. MATT: “Why would– Fine, who am I to ask?” MARISHA: Look at this bruise. MATT: “I cut fungus for a living.” MARISHA: Look, it’s in the shape of a dick. MATT: “I’m not going to ask. Four? Did you want them?” LAURA: Sure, yes. How much for four healing potions? MATT: “For four healing potions,” and he pulls them out and plops them on the table, “240 gold pieces.” TALIESIN: Level two. LAURA: Okay, hold on. I open up my pack and I pour out all my money. I start counting it. ASHLEY: Do you have a deal, you know, if we got all of them? That seems pretty high. Right? That seems pretty high for a healing potion. MATT: Make a persuasion check with disadvantage. Yasha: the wheeler and dealer. ASHLEY: Three. MATT: “No, actually, I think it’s rather standard in these parts. But I can put them back.” TALIESIN: Healing potions aside, you are doing something really interesting and exciting here. You’re not a healing potion dealer. What are you doing here? Like this is fascinating. MATT: “Oh, I create all sorts of means of tending to wounds and loss of stamina. To be honest, a lot "of people come around here for performance-enhancing fungus.” TALIESIN: I don’t know, I feel like you can excite me. I feel like there’s something that you have to show that’s really exciting. I’m not entirely sure it’s all about stamina, I think you’ve got something– you did that on purpose. Talk to me like I’m a child, show me something I’ve never seen before. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TALIESIN: Not with advantage, because I don’t have it, but I was so excited. MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: Persuasion check. 19. I’m fishing for drugs, I’m not going to lie. I’ve been on the road a long time, I don’t remember how to do this. MATT: He leans in close to you. “Mind closing the door?” TALIESIN: I skip over to the door and gingerly close it. MATT: “Keep curious company, that’s true.” TALIESIN: Yes, I do. And we’re leaving town today. MATT: “Those are magical words for a man of my business. Are you a fan of skein?” TALIESIN: I don’t actually know what that is. MATT: “Well,” and he goes back into the back chamber, comes back with a small satchel. There’s a finely dried, dusted material on the inside, it has a grayish-blue color to it. He goes, “This is "a dried and ground fungus called skein. It’s called skein because when you eat it you can see "the weave of time.” MARISHA: Is that what skein means? MATT: “It’s a woven skein, it’s a joke on fate– never mind.” TALIESIN: I thought it was very clever. MATT: “Thank you very much. It’s effective, it’s popular on the outskirts where it’s not so heavily "controlled and carries a huge jail-time if caught. How much are you looking to purchase?” TALIESIN: I’ve got to be honest, I’m not made of money, but I’m always curious for a new experience. MARISHA: Can I do an insight check on this guy? MATT: Sure, go for it. MARISHA: See if he’s trying to scam us. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Can I use my criminal background? MATT: Sure. LIAM: All right, Marisha said that, not Beauregard. MARISHA: To know if he’s actually giving what he’s giving? MATT: You know what? Make your insight check. MARISHA: Just straight insight. MATT: Straight insight. MARISHA: It’s not as good as I would’ve hoped. 18. MATT: Not as good as I hoped: 18. LIAM: That’s a slam dunk at level two. MATT: Seems on the level, seems excited that somebody’s asking about it. You get the sense that maybe he makes a lot of this either for himself or in hopes that somebody asks about it and is seemingly excited that somebody in this bumfuck town, in his opinion, would even have interest. You have once encountered this substance before, and it does seem legit. MARISHA: Okay. ASHLEY: How do we know if it’s good quality, though? Can I give it a sample? TALIESIN: Well, this might be complicated, I think that just– What would– TRAVIS: How about a few experiences? TALIESIN: A few experiences’ worth. What would that run me? MATT: Hey guys, we’re dealing D&D drugs. TALIESIN: I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for dragging the entire audience into this. Hopefully your children are already asleep, I do apologize. SAM: D&D Beyond, everybody. Our sponsor for the evening. TALIESIN: Thank you for really bringing that to earth for me. You started this. MATT: “I’ll put you in at a gold an experience, how about that?” TALIESIN: All right. Yeah, put me in for one. I’ll try anything once. MATT: He takes a small little batch of this dried, powdered fungus, and puts it into a small glass vial, corks it, and hands it over. ASHLEY: Well, you might as well make another one. I’m not going to let my friend experience it alone. TALIESIN: What’s it called? Skein? MATT: Skein. S-K-E-I-N. I believe that’s how it’s spelled. LAURA: Yasha, you should take it with them. Right now. It’ll be fun. TALIESIN: No, this is not how this works. This is not how this works. We bank our moments for those moments when life is disappointing. TRAVIS: I know a unique substance when I see it, I’ll take one as well. TALIESIN: Oh my god. MARISHA: One for me too. TALIESIN: This can come in handy in all sorts of ways. MATT: God damn it, guys. TALIESIN: The fact that you had this ready means that there is no shame here. You were ready for this. MATT: You’re right, I am not making any of this up on the spot at all. TALIESIN: I know, I can tell! LIAM: This guy went from the Simpson’s Safeway clerk to the shadiest motherfucker in a snap of time, because of your question. TALIESIN: A big, purple, pierced demon walked into the room and was like, hello. LIAM: Yes, can I help you, good sir? Yes, I can help you. TRAVIS: I’ll tell you what, because you are such a purveyor of such interesting items, I will take one of those health potions, but for 50 gold. That’s the running price I’ve seen in neighboring towns, and I don’t mean to be swindled. MARISHA: I assume you’d want to go ahead and give it to us for that so that we keep this a secret. MATT: Make a persuasion check, with advantage. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: “50 gold,” and he pulls his hair back a bit, “Seems fair.” Takes a potion and hands it over. He scoops a little vial and says, “And for fun.” He throws it over. LIAM: You fucking badass. SAM: Cut to an hour later, and someone’s jamming an adrenaline needle. MATT: TPK by misuse? TALIESIN: Somewhere around level eight, this is going to be hilarious. Somewhere around level eight somebody’s going to go shopping and the rest of us are going to be like: this is now, this is happening now. MATT: This has become the longest afterschool special I think we’ve ever experienced. TALIESIN: Years in the making. MATT: He immediately gets nervous at her mention of– TALIESIN: She’s fine, she’s just awful, you’re a gentleman, I hope to see you again. I’m looking forward to this. MATT: “I’ll be here.” TALIESIN: Of course, we never met you, you never met us. MATT: “Of course not. I don’t know who you are.” TALIESIN: I am already out the door, with a flourish. MATT: At which point, you run outside just as Caleb and Nott are approaching. MARISHA: Before I go out I say, nice to meet you, mister–? MATT: “Davies.” TRAVIS: The decision was still happening by the time you got to the last letter. MARISHA: I go: Okay, Davies. LAURA: I guess I’ll scoop my money back into my pouch and leave. MARISHA: Do you want anything? LAURA: No. MATT: You bump into Caleb and Nott on the way out. LIAM: What’s the matter, do you have a cold? LAURA: You don’t smell bad, what did you do? MATT: Actually, ironically, his clothes do still smell pretty bad, and he still looks awful. LAURA: You don’t smell as bad. MATT: That’s true, on a gradient scale, he does smell a little better. LIAM: I will take that as a compliment, thank you. What are you guys doing here, are you shopping? What do they have in there? LAURA: They bought drugs. TRAVIS: That is an over-exaggeration. TALIESIN: That is an extreme over-exaggeration. We got a health potion. SAM: All of you? MARISHA: Well, it was kind of a ploy to get a cheaper health potion. TALIESIN: It worked. MARISHA: And we got drugs on top of it. It was a win-win, am I right? LAURA: If you guys go in there and you buy a health potion, don’t spend as much as he says, because apparently he was lying. LIAM: How much do they run for? TRAVIS: Health potions were quoted at 70, but he was kind enough to understand that 50 was enough. LIAM: 70? TRAVIS: Gold pieces. SAM: North we go. TALIESIN: North, to the horses. LIAM: We have a plan for the day? LAURA: Yes, and I show them the map that we just got. We’re heading that way. Can I take the ribbon that was wrapped around the map and tie it around one of my horns? MATT: Easily enough. MARISHA: That’s cute. LAURA: Thank you. SAM: We could rob the store. LIAM: Do you have a strategy for that? SAM: I mean, we could use one of our pre-planned strategies. LIAM: Which one would that be? Because I was thinking about it on the walk here and I can’t think which one applies. TALIESIN: I was going to say, robbing shady people is usually a bad idea. MARISHA: Do we hear them doing these plans? Do we hear you guys making this plan? LIAM: No, I wouldn’t be saying this out loud if you’re close. SAM: We could just do the simplest: the Prince and the Pauper. LIAM: Here’s the thing, I have died almost twice in two days. We have our friends and I think that’s a good way to start. SAM: All right. LIAM: I mean, you know, we almost all got pinched yesterday. SAM: You’re right, we should leave town with our wits about us and full of health. Let’s just go while we’re ahead. Besides, I got plenty of stuff today. LIAM: You and me? SAM: Yeah, let’s go. LIAM: All right. Okay, where are we going first? LAURA: We’re heading north to– LIAM: Is it this big? MATT: That’s the size of the map. LAURA: I mean, we can stop through Alfield first and see if there’s anything cool there, or– what city was it that the academy was in? MARISHA: “Solstryce?” MATT and TRAVIS: Soltryce. MARISHA: Is that the name of the town? TALIESIN: No, I don’t think it’s the name of the town. LAURA: I mean, the ultimate goal, you guys, is to get to Hupperdook, but– TALIESIN: What about Yogurt? LAURA: That’s an afterthought. TALIESIN: It usually is. LIAM: How far off does Hupperdook look? LAURA: Well, we have to pass through Felderwin and the Felderwin Village first. SAM: Let’s skip that one, please. LAURA: Oh, is that the one you don’t like? Okay, then we’ll go up through Alfield, and then Zadash, and then we’ll cut across and go to Hupperdook. MARISHA: Is that where your clan is from? SAM: They roam about. ASHLEY: You don’t want to go to Zadash, is that right? MARISHA: Nah, it’s cool. We can go back. TRAVIS: It’s cool now? MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, there’s a few places that I didn’t get to see in my sight-seeing roundabout, didn’t get to hit everything. Now that I’ve slept on it, I’ve had a change of heart. It’s a nice town. LAURA: How long of a travel would it be to get to Zadash from where we are now? MATT: Following the road is longer, but it’s safest. That’ll probably be close to 200 miles to Zadash. SAM: Jesus. We’re on foot. TALIESIN: No, we’ve got a cart. SAM: A cart. MATT: You do have a cart. A single cart. LAURA: A horse? Let’s go back to the inn and ask Yorda if she knows if Alfield is a big city. LIAM: Do I have any knowledge of Alfield? TALIESIN: I came though Alfield, didn’t I? MATT: No, you guys traveled around. You went from Felderwin, and curved around to the Ustaloch. TALIESIN: That’s right. MATT: Alfield is actually slightly smaller than Trostenwald, it’s a stop on the way to Zadash. Zadash is the second-largest city in the kingdom. MARISHA: What do I know about Zadash that I could tell them? Can I tell them anything? MATT: It was the last conquered bastion of the previous government before the empire entirely took the valley. MARISHA: That’s right. Zadash is on the edge of the empire too, right? MATT: It was, but now it’s more central. It expanded past and took over Trostenwald, Alfield, it expanded all the way into the valley. LIAM: Will you share your map with me for just one minute? LAURA: Of course. SAM: This is a good trick he does. He can look at it once and it will stay with him forever. LAURA: Really? SAM: Yes, it’s amazing, you can quiz him on it later. While he’s memorizing it, Yasha, is that your name again? ASHLEY: Yasha. SAM; It’s like Ash, with an -ay. ASHLEY: Not really, but close enough. SAM: I got you these flowers. ASHLEY: Oh. SAM: Thought that they might gussy you up a bit. It’s a lot of drab colors. Also, maybe you won’t kill me now. ASHLEY: I’m not going to kill you. SAM: I know, I gave you the flowers. ASHLEY: All right, well. SAM: Girls like flowers. LAURA: I love flowers, did you get me any? SAM: I didn’t, because you’re less of a threat. LAURA: You don’t know that. ASHLEY: That was very nice of you, thank you. SAM: Sure! MARISHA: Didn’t peg you for a flowers type of girl. SAM: All girls like flowers. ASHLEY: I take out a book that I have and in between some of the pages is a four-leaf clover. I’ll take the flowers and I’ll put them in between the other pages, and I’ll put it away. SAM: You see? (laughter) SAM: It doesn’t hurt to be nice sometimes. MARISHA: I mean, it can, though. SAM: Well it hurts you. LIAM: It looks like somebody was very nice to you the night before, over and over again. MARISHA: Oh, she was. LAURA: You guys, we are going to Zadash. Is that what we’re saying, we’re going to go to Zadash? LIAM: Sure, let’s do that. What’s our goal in Zadash? LAURA: I don’t know, I just need to know where we’re going, okay? MARISHA: That’s on the way to the “Solstryce” Academy? MATT: The Soltryce. Solstice, I can see you mixing it up. The Soltryce is technically in Rexxentrum, which is the capital of the empire. LAURA: Which is a lot farther. MATT: Which is a lot farther. Zadash does have the only other subsidiary of the academy there, but the main Soltryce academy is in Rexxentrum, the capital. But Zadash has some connection to it. TRAVIS: I’ll take it. LIAM: Unless you’re a foreigner, everyone knows about Rexxentrum. MATT: Yes, it’s huge. For player comparison, it’s twice the size of Emon. It’s a massive city. LAURA: Zadash? MATT: No, not Zadash, Rexxentrum. LIAM: Zadash is medium, or smaller. LAURA: Okay. Yeah. LIAM: How far did that map say, when I looked at it? 200 miles you said to Zadash? MATT: To Zadash, roughly 200 miles or so, if you’re taking the road, quicker if you take a straight line, but you’re not as safe. LIAM: Well, I think it’s good. SAM: Are we going to walk there? Should we get horses? TALIESIN: We have a horse. LIAM: How many horses? TALIESIN: We have a horse. MARISHA: A horse and a carriage. I’m assuming it can’t fit all of us. TRAVIS: Yeah, like a wagon. TALIESIN: We have a wagon. MATT: It’ll be about the same pace as on foot. At a fast pace on foot, you guys can traverse about 30 miles a day. That also means you’re moving at a fast pace, so you’re not being completely aware of your surroundings, you have a penalty to passively seeing things around you. But you get there quicker. TRAVIS: I like it. TALIESIN: Why be fast? What are we in a rush for? LAURA: We can sightsee. TALIESIN: I find careful is always best. LIAM: A couple of weeks on the road to a city bigger than this one. MARISHA: Are we all going to get along for a couple of weeks? SAM: We’ll find out, I suppose. LAURA: I get along with everyone, Beau. MARISHA: That’s true, that’s true. TALIESIN: I don’t get along with anybody. MARISHA: That’s also true. LIAM: Two weeks is not a bad test run for companions. If we don’t like it, we part ways in Zadash. TRAVIS: Yeah, free to go at any time. As long as it serves everyone, we’ll stay this way. ASHLEY: I think I need to stay here just a little bit longer. But I will meet you guys there at some point? SAM: Why?! What’re you doing? LIAM: You have something else to do? ASHLEY: I just don’t think I can leave here until I’m told I can. SAM: By the authorities? ASHLEY: No, I just– SAM: You’re so mysterious ASHLEY: I have things that I need to do– SAM: Name one. TALIESIN: You know where we’re headed. MATT: Blindspot. MARISHA: Poor Ashley, we make her come up with excuses every time. ASHLEY: I have reasons, I can stay, I just need to converse with somebody to see where my next step leads. MARISHA: You know you’re not beholden to Gustav anymore, right? ASHLEY: No, yes, no. It’s not him. MARISHA: Is it Bo? The other Bo? Is it Desmond? ASHLEY: No. MARISHA: Is it Ornna? SAM: Please, Beau, let the detectives figure this out. Is it Desmond? LAURA: Is it Ornna? SAM: It’s Ornna, isn’t it? It’s Ornna, I knew it. LAURA: Will you hold this? SAM: Yes, of course. See? Another case cracked. It was Ornna. LAURA: Before we leave, is there anywhere in town that there would be a courier service where I could send a message? MATT: There are messenger services, yeah. LAURA: Can I go find one? MATT: Yeah, okay. For the purposes of brevity, we’ll say that you find a courier service that runs fast horseback all along the roads from the Empire, and then with approval, outside of it, to the south and west. LAURA: I’m going to write a letter to my mother that says, “Dear Mom, all of the money’s gone. I "don’t know what happened, but I am very broke and I need more. Please help me. I am going to Zadash. "That’s where you can send it. Just send it to the inn that is the biggest one and I’ll find it "there. Just address it to me. Your loving daughter, Jester. Please, thank you, I need help, "thank you.” MATT: All right. For delivery to Nicodranas, the cost of the courier service will run you about five gold. LAURA: This is really fucking– She better send money, because this is eating into it. MATT: That’s hundreds and hundreds of miles on horseback. LAURA: Okay, I’ll give the five gold for that. TALIESIN: It is such a different world. MATT: Yeah. Welcome to level… three, after tonight. SAM: Oh! If we live. MARISHA: While we’re stopping by the post office, can I talk to the courier person? MATT: Sure. It’s a young girl with short-ish brushed hair, she’s boyish and freckled, and a bit dirty in the edges of her chin, she’s in the process of loading up the packs on the horse, and she’s wearing simple leather armor, and looks back at you. “Can I help you?” MARISHA: Yeah, I was just wondering if you had any incoming mail for the Baumbauchs? I said that I would pick it up on the way home, heading over there. MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: Wow. SAM: Mail fraud on the way out of town. MARISHA: That’s good! 20. No. Deception? 19 total. MATT: “Let me check. Yeah, actually, we’ve got three small parcels on the way to the Baumbauchs there.” MARISHA: Thank you so much. He’s going to be so happy to not have to run this errand. Thank you, bye. Oh, sorry, here you go. I give her a gold. MATT: “That’s very kind, thank you.” MARISHA: Have a good day. MATT: Hops onto the horse and takes off southward. TALIESIN: Mail fraud. MARISHA: Let’s go. TALIESIN: That is actually the worst crime we’ve committed today. MARISHA: You said how many? Three parcels? MATT: Three parcels. ASHLEY: When you get to Zadash, maybe send me a note, or maybe I’ll be there. I just have to do a couple things. LAURA: We’ll send you a note on the way to Zadash. Then maybe you can meet us there. ASHLEY: Okay. That sounds like a plan. TRAVIS: Do we have our fucking wagon ready? TALIESIN: Wagon’s ready. I’ve even attempted to hide some of the contraband and otherwise. I packed well. LIAM: While everyone is getting ready, I wait for a moment when Fjord is on his own and everyone is busy, walk over. This group seems rough around the edges, but you seem clever. Hopefully we can make this work. TRAVIS: I think we should be able to, yeah. I mean, a little guidance goes a long way. You seem to be good at looking out for Nott. LIAM: I mean, full disclosure, I’m a little rough around the edges, but you catch my drift. TRAVIS: I do. You can trust us. You’re safe here. I’m concerned with what happens with Jester and Beau. I think, amongst all of us, we should be fine. LIAM: Let’s make it work. TRAVIS: We’ll make it work. SAM: Fjord, something in me says that, for some reason, you should be the one who tells the horses and wagon to go. (laughter) SAM: It just seems– you’re the biggest, maybe? TRAVIS: That is mighty considerate of you, Nott. Are you sure you don’t want to take a crack at it? SAM: I could take a crack at it. The wagons be hitched, hee-haw. TRAVIS: Use your diaphragm. Really get a yee-haw, get in there. SAM: Saddle up your doggies, hee-haw. TRAVIS: One more time, on the count of three. One, two, three. On three, I push his chest in. SAM: Yee-haw! MATT: All right. With that, her vocal expulsion is majestic and sudden. Make an animal handling check with advantage, please. SAM: With advantage? Six. I’m still a scary goblin. MATT: The sound that comes out is less of a “Yee-haw,” and more of a screech sound. The horse immediately rises up and goes into a very heavy gallop, and the cart takes off ahead of you, and you all struggle to catch up for a bit. With that, you guys quickly try and saunter up, heading northward along the road towards the direction of Alfield, and eventually Zadash, as you head further into the Dwendalian Empire, and whatever fate has in store for you the next leg of your journey. We’ll stop tonight’s session there. SAM: Ashley Johnson, ladies and gentlemen. LIAM: Yee-haw. ALL: Yee-haw. TRAVIS: Well, we committed felonies and mail fraud. That’s good. TALIESIN: Quite a few. Got into a bar fight. LAURA: We skipped town without paying our inn fees. SAM: We bought drugs. TRAVIS: We bought a little bit of mold. MATT: You paid your inn fee. LAURA: We did pay on the way in. I did pay for a few days when we got in. I guess that is probably enough. LIAM: Oh my gosh, and Sneaky McSneakerson over here. Oh boy. SAM: Oh, yeah. Who knows what Marisha did while we were out there? TRAVIS: Yeah, we got to go back and not watch that later. MARISHA: Like the three rules of Fight Club. MATT: You guys are all level three when you come back next week. (cheering) TRAVIS: Oh god, we got to shop. We got to book shop. LAURA: Oh man, this is fun. MATT: Yeah, thank you guys for sticking around for a less intense, more character-driven episode, these early days of figuring each other out and forming a fellowship. This is fun, I love it. LIAM: Bunch of assholes. MATT: I know. TALIESIN: Bunch of assholes! LIAM: That’s the name. MATT: Thank you guys for watching. Thank you again, Deven, for being an incredible artist, and an incredible mapmaker for working with me on that. Her Twitter– I should’ve had this prepared in advance! You can follow Deven on Twitter @devenrue, Mistress of Maps. Her work is incredible. She has a Patreon, which I’m a patron for, you should be too. It’s her birthday, so say happy birthday to her. ALL: Happy Birthday! MATT: All right, guys, have a wonderful week. Ashley, come back. ASHLEY: Hopefully soon, I never know. I’ll try. LAURA: So glad you were here. MATT: If anybody from Blindspot is watching right now, kill off her character. I mean, don’t do that, but we want her back. ASHLEY: I don’t think any of them are watching. MATT: It’s fine. We just miss her a lot. We’ll see you guys back next week. Much love to you, much love to you, and is it Thursday yet? MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Some of us are mentally lagging a little, but that’s okay. It’s been a long day. Welcome, guys. Before we jump into tonight’s session, we’re going to do some quick announcements. First and foremost, thank you to our returning sponsor and partner at the start of this campaign, and for the foreseeable, amorphous future of which they wish to come along with us on this journey, D&D Beyond. They’ve been awesome and I actually just learned today of a really helpful functionality that I probably should have known about, where you can create your own campaign in there and then send out a link to all your players and their characters get added to your campaign. Now I have access to all of your character sheets at all times, which alleviates me having to text you all, “What’s your maximum hit points now?” and all that shit. LAURA: Did you just have them? Or do we need to send you our characters? MATT: Well no, I sent out the link earlier today and you’re one of the only ones who hasn’t responded yet, but you will, later, that’s okay. LAURA: I didn’t see it, I was recording. MATT: That’s okay, so were we. (laughter) LAURA: I didn’t look at my phone. TRAVIS: What a dick. (laughter) MATT: It’s all good. LAURA: That means all of you guys were texting in your sessions. TALIESIN: This is true. LIAM: We’re that good. (laughter) MATT: Sam, do you have any words you wanted to say about our sponsor? SAM: I do. Here, give this to Matt, he’ll need it. MATT: Oh no. SAM: Our partner this week is once again D&D Beyond, that’s dndbeyond.com. The big news is that D&D’s newest book, Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes, is available for pre-order now on the site. If you preorder, you’ll get exclusive character portrait frames, sheet backdrops, and themed colors that you can use with upcoming character sheet updates! I don’t know what that means but it sounds awesome. The $10 off code “beginnings” can be applied to your preorder. To celebrate, I’m going to personally be giving away one copy of this book to either Travis, Liam, or Marisha, but they have to compete for it. Here’s the rules: I’m going to give you a race, class, and character description, just like you can do on D&D Beyond, and all you guys have to do is come up with the name of that character. Laura, Taliesin, and Matt will be the judges. Best out of three wins, all right? You just have to come up with a name for this character, ready? A male stout halfling swamp druid who only wears a diaper made out of kelp and loves to Wild Shape into manatees. Liam, what is the name of that character? LIAM: Twill Pillikins. SAM: Marisha, what is the name of that character? MARISHA: Squall Squatlock. SAM: And Travis? TRAVIS: Merkin Dullbringer. SAM: Judges, who wins? Oh, Travis, easy win for Travis. MATT: Adding Merkin to a swamp druid was too easy. LAURA: It was you, Liam, until he brought up the Merkin. SAM: Remember, these characters can all be made on D&D Beyond. The next one is a male tabaxi bard with an electric guitar who constantly plays K-pop songs and has a runny nose. What is his name? Liam O'Brien. LIAM: Bathtub Stealthcat. SAM: Marisha Ray. Oh yeah, sorry, three names. MARISHA: Mollysquawk the J-pop Hadockhop. SAM: Yep, okay. Travis? TRAVIS: Pubert Pimplepop. SAM: Ooh! Judges. TALIESIN: I got bribed. SAM: Travis again. TALIESIN: I’m purchasable, putting that out there. SAM: One more, this one is worth two points. A female kenku paladin with no arms or legs. LAURA: What’s a kenku? LIAM: Kenku’s a bird. LAURA: Yeah, I know. Shut up! SAM: Who worships the lobster-headed god Blibdoolpoolp, and it is a real god, and is dragged around by a pack of reindeer. Liam, what is the name of that character? LIAM: Dagon Henry Kissinger. MARISHA: Madame Mannequin Ba-Deece. TRAVIS: Filma Kraken. SAM: Judges, Liam, Liam, Marisha, Liam gets two points! Travis gets two points! Marisha wins! MARISHA: Yay, golf rules! SAM: I will personally buy you one of those books, Marisha, hold me to it. D&D Beyond, everyone, make your character today. MATT: Thank you Sam, thank you very much. LAURA: That was good. TALIESIN: That got weird. MATT: Isn’t it always, though? LAURA: That was close, I’m not going to count it. This is the one Sam gave me, so we’ll see. MATT: Finishing up from that, we have Talks Machina next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific here on Twitch and Project Alpha to discuss tonight’s episode of Critical Role hosted by our fantastic Brian W. Foster, so check that out on Tuesday next week. We have a new show called Weave coming up, Marisha, do you want to explain this a little bit? TALIESIN: We’re one episode in. MATT: One episode in? That’s right, that launched this week. MARISHA: Yeah, it happened… last night? TALIESIN: Wednesday night. MARISHA: Wednesday night, it happens after Wednesday Club. It’s being GMed by Amy Dallen and it’s an interactive storytelling RPG game. It’s got all the ladies of Geek & Sundry, so check it out. MATT: That’s awesome. TRAVIS: That’s a dope jacket, by the way. MARISHA: Thanks, man. TRAVIS: Yeah, jealous. MATT: We’ll get you one, same size. Last week’s episode of Critical Role is available in podcast form wherever you can find the greatest podcasts to download. So if you have friends who are listening to the audio, they can do so now and be caught up with you up until after tonight. Also, comic book issue four of Critical Role: Vox Machina Origins is available for digital download anywhere where you can find digital comics for the most part: ComiXology, the Dark Horse app, and other great places. TRAVIS: It’s so good, Minxie’s in there killing things. MATT: We’ve got a new one creeping up on the horizon. LIAM: I’ve read the whole thing, I’ve seen the pictures. MATT: I was supposed to see the art today! I can’t wait! Anyway, enough of that. Of course, our fantastic 826LA and the 826 group that does fantastic after-school programs for kids to get into creative writing. Check it out if you haven’t already, and if you can’t give to help out with this charity, you can donate your time as well to help teach some of these kids and help expand their imaginations, so check it out. They’re awesome people and we continue to support and push them forward. Any new appearances you want to announce? Or just rinse and repeat the ones– if you want to know what conventions we’re going to be at in the near future, watch last week’s episode. Otherwise it gets monotonous for us. Anyway, any other announcements that I’ve missed? SAM: Apparently my breath stinks, so if anyone has any gum, I’ll take it. MATT: Send your gum to Geek & Sundry. TALIESIN: Don’t send your gum. LAURA: I have something. The Shadow of War expansion pack, The Blade of Galadriel, came out and you can play and be me, so get it and play. SAM: Just you, Laura Bailey? LAURA: Yeah, basically just me, running around Mordor. LIAM: Donut hole! Donut hole! Donut hole! TRAVIS: You’ve got a ring of power and shit. LAURA: Yeah, so check it out. LIAM: She has a ring of power? LAURA: Shut up! What? No. What? MATT: On that note, let’s go ahead and dive in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. (cast singing) [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And welcome back. LAURA: He just tunes it out now. MATT: I have to. LIAM: Except when he doesn’t. MATT: Except when I don’t, which makes it a challenge for you guys, which does not help me. Anyway, last we left off, the group of adventurers whose fates are slowly entwining found themselves meeting in the city of Trostenwald on the southern reaches of the Dwendalian Empire on the continent of Wildemount. Through a mishap in a circus passing through town, you began to give chase to the investigation that has caught you up in this legal issue and you found yourselves locked under house arrest and being considered possible murderers. You sought the answer to this endeavor, you found the devil toad, or the nergaliid, as you discovered, was responsible. You hunted it down, slew it, brought its head back, and after arguing with a very tired and wanting to get it over with lawmaster in Trostenwald, managed to convince her enough to let you off the hook and leave most of the standing legal issues with Gustav, thus disbanding the circus and setting you and Yasha free. Yasha went on her own path while the rest of you, the six of you, decided strength in numbers, and at the time being, you all seem to enjoy each other’s company. Purchasing a fresh map, looking at your future prospects and your dwindling funds, you decided to head northward, towards the city of Zadash by way of the Golden Road, past the city of Alfield. And that is where we left off, as you had smacked the rear end of the single horse and cart, and sent it spooked into the northern field. LAURA: We chased after it, right? MATT: You do. You chase after it to keep up. LAURA: We don’t just lose it. MATT: Being relatively before noon at this point in time, you’re heading northward along the Amber Road. The well-packed dirt of the ten-foot roadway gives you a clear path towards your next destination. The gentle creak of the cart mingles with the clomping of the horse hooves as you push forward. The midday air is warmer than you expected. The sky’s common gray presence is broken into smaller cloud patches, the victorious blue peeking through. You guys continue for a few hours, talking amongst yourselves a bit. If there are any questions you wish to ask each other, now is the time. SAM: Any questions? MATT: Meaning if there is anything coming out of the city you wanted to talk about, otherwise I’m going to continue to push forward with your journey. So stop me at any point. TRAVIS: Is Beau– is her face all jibbity-jacked, or is it pretty normal-looking at this point? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Not that I watched anything from last week, because I didn’t! 16. MATT: You can see there is some faint bruising starting to show on the left side of the face. TRAVIS: I bet she doesn’t want to talk about that. That’s a good shiner. MARISHA: Thanks. TRAVIS: Did you give as good as you got? MARISHA: I wouldn’t say I won, because I lost. But I did pretty good. What color is it right now? Is it in that orange-ish purple– TRAVIS: It’s got the green-yellow sunset happening, things are starting to spread. Tomorrow will be– MARISHA: Right. Got that little orangey. Mm-hmm. LAURA: It’s really pretty. MARISHA: Thanks. TALIESIN: Significant improvement. TRAVIS: That trouble going to follow you as we go on our way, or do you think you’re free and clear? MARISHA: Oh no, that was just a little bar fight. Nothing. Just a little friendly sparring. Nothing crazy. TRAVIS: Nice. LAURA: Does anyone want a donut from my bag? TALIESIN: Yes, I’ll have a donut, thank you, please. LIAM: I would also like a donut, please. LAURA: Okay, here you go. I don’t have them in real life, just this one in real life. But in the game, you guys are having delicious donuts. TRAVIS: How old are those donuts? LIAM: Do you actually have donuts? I don’t understand. LAURA: Yeah, here you go. LIAM: Oh, there it is. MATT: Imagination! LAURA: You’re doing it, Peter, you’re doing it! TALIESIN: I was just going there, damn it! Bangarang! LAURA: These donuts are not that old. TALIESIN: What does “not that old” mean, does it mean they’re young? LIAM: Are they pretty new? LAURA: They’re pretty new, yes. LIAM: Three days new? Or– Forget it, I don’t actually want to know the answer. LAURA: Just eat it, it’s good. TALIESIN: Is it good and do we gain or lose hit points? MATT: No hit point transition, no constitution saves. They’re a bit stale, but still tasty enough. TRAVIS: Any lint from the bag that they were being held in? MATT: You can chose to remove it if you’d like, but it may be part of the texture. It adds color. LAURA: That’s right. It’s like sprinkles. LIAM: Mollymauk, is this weird for you to not be traveling with your performing family? TALIESIN: It’s change, but travel is travel, so. LAURA: Did you travel in a wagon when you were with your family? TALIESIN: Oh yes, we traveled forever. It was constantly on the road. Once we left home, we stayed moving. MATT: Ironically, traveled in the exact wagon that you’re in right now. LAURA: Oh, nice. LIAM: Some things don’t change. We didn’t have much of a chance to see you perform. I saw you do a card reading for Jester, but things got waylaid at the circus. What do you normally do? TALIESIN: Oh, things. I’m not really much of a performer, I’m more of– Help set up. Help run the shows, help make illusions, that sort of thing. SAM: Like a techie? TALIESIN: I guess you could say a techie. I show off a little bit of the sword juggling. SAM: Oh! TALIESIN: I’ve got some things I was working on. Like this. TRAVIS: You juggling those big motherfucking swords? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: You watch as he balances one on the edge of the hand and then tosses it up and catches it as it falls, and takes the other one and glides it across, spins it up, catches it on his chin. On his nose; he makes it hop around. It’s pretty decent. TALIESIN: Little roll. LAURA: Can you swallow it? MATT: Make an acrobatics check if you want to try. TALIESIN: Well, it’s a curved sword. So not the curved ones. But I could probably do a straight sword. I’m not going to swallow a curved sword! That would be very complicated to pull off. LIAM: If anybody can do it, it’s you. SAM: That tiefling anatomy is very strange, you know. TALIESIN: I’m flexible, but not that flexible. I’m pretty flexible. Yeah, I never nailed anything down for a really good act. MATT: A few hours into travel along the road, you catch ahead the sight of another caravan heading southward in your direction. They begin to crest over one of the hills. As you look forward, too, the central portion of the Marrow Valley isn’t just a smooth, constant grade. It’s a series of rolling hills and high grasses and wheats and grains, and a lot of wild weeds that have taken over the areas between bastions of civilization. LIAM: How far away are they? MATT: You can see up there about maybe a half mile or so, as they crest over one of the hills in the distance. LIAM: Yeah, I send Frumpkin ahead and see it, and go blind and deaf here, so I can get a closer look at them. SAM: Which is Frumpkin now? LIAM: Frumpkin’s a sparrow at the moment. I don’t have the components to put him back to the shape he prefers, which is a cat. LAURA: What are the components? LIAM: Charcoal and some incense, a kind of incense you have to use. I’m all out. I used it all. TALIESIN: Not my incense. LIAM: No. TRAVIS: Is there money involved? LIAM: Money? Well, you have to pay money to get the things to do it. TRAVIS: Right, I’m sorry. LIAM: He’s been a couple of things before. He can last. Anyway. Off you go. LAURA: Have you ever made him a turtle? MATT: He can’t hear you right now, unfortunately. LAURA: Have you ever made him a snake? Have you ever made him a roach? SAM: He’s gone to the other place. He won’t be able to respond. LAURA: Have you ever made him a unicorn? TRAVIS: Oh my god. SAM: A unicorn would be really cool. MARISHA: That would be really cool. TALIESIN: I’d like to see that. LAURA: They exist, you know. TALIESIN: I didn’t know that. LAURA: They do. MATT: As your vision crests up with the flight of Frumpkin, make a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: Don’t fuck me, Scanlan. Oh, that’s not Scanlan, that’s Percy, but you did fuck me, Percy. TALIESIN: I try. LIAM: That is very low. We’ll just say it fails, because it’s a two. MATT: It’s a two? LIAM: Yeah, I rolled a two. MATT: Okay. I mean, at a safe enough distance to look down, there are shapes. The most that Frumpkin makes out is that it looks to be six heavy wagons. MARISHA and LAURA: Six? MATT: Six heavy wagons, each being pulled by a trio of horses. SAM: We can rob them. LIAM: 18 horses. TRAVIS: We should what? SAM: Well, we could rob them, or we could go off the road and hide and wait for them to pass. LAURA: Is Frumpkin back? Do we know all these things yet? SAM: Oh, we don’t. MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of this– SAM: Pleasant day! LIAM: I started muttering as soon as I could see that. What they were, what I saw. LAURA: Do they look like they’re in armor? Do they look like they’re soldiers? SAM: He can’t hear you. LAURA: Do they look like they’re mean? TALIESIN: Do they look like they’re unicorns? MARISHA: Do they look like they’re traders? Like traders, not traitors. SAM: He can’t hear you. LAURA: Do you see, are they carrying money? Are they carrying people? SAM: He won’t be able to talk to you for a while. You see, he’s not really there. MATT: Coming closer down the road now, the gap between your traveling troupe and this caravan grows smaller and smaller. All the rest of you, I’d like to make a perception check, please. I think at this point, Frumpkin has– LIAM: I would’ve released it, yeah. He’s not back, but I released the sight. TRAVIS: 17. LIAM: Perception check? SAM: Nine! TALIESIN: 20. MARISHA: 17. LAURA: Five! LIAM: Zwölf. MATT: Amongst all of you guys keeping an eye out, you look ahead and you can see the wagons are covered, some of them are bundled; some of them are taller; some of them are smaller. What you do notice is at the front of each of the wagons, there’s a figure with the reins that is in the process of sitting there and occasionally making sure the pace is kept relatively steady forward. You do see by the long robes and ornate silk mantles of the highwaymen that are holding these reins, you get the impression that they probably are from the Menagerie Coast. You two in particular recognize, it’s not well-off mercantile clothing, but it looks like it’s not rags for a person that makes this trek up and down the Amber Road. Looks like they’re heading southward, probably returning after completing some sort of a trade run up to either Zadash or Rexxentrum and spaces nearby. As the gap begins to close, there’s a brief moment of chicken to see who’s going to avert the path as it’s only about ten foot wide. It would be a pretty tight fit to get both your troupe and their wagons past. Do you guys yield or do you continue to push forward? TRAVIS: I would just like to suggest we might give way. There are six of them. TALIESIN: I’m fine with that. MARISHA: Yes, agreed. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You guys skirt your single horse– poor thing is pulling this cart on its own. TRAVIS: We’re going to kill it. MATT: It’s not going any faster, really, than you guys walking, necessarily. (laughter) LAURA: But we get to be lazy. TRAVIS: But we’re not walking. (laughter) MATT: Because it is not a riding horse, it is a beast of burden, so it’s about the same pace that you’re going. As you guys pull slightly off into the grass, the cart bumps as it hits some rocks and patches of dirt and thick grass. They continue to pass, and as they do, you see the individuals. The one in the front has what looks to be a thick scarf tossed over the shoulder obscuring part of the face, and she gives a hand salute up to you as it passes and a bit of a head nod. As you wave your hand frantically, a bit of eye contact is made and continues past. LAURA: Are you going to Nicodranas? MATT: No response. The first cart continues past. LAURA: Hi. Hi, are you going to Nicodranas? MATT: The next one looks over to you for a second, the head cocked a little bit. “No, we are on our “way to Port Zoon.” LAURA: Oh. MATT: “By way of Nicodranas.” LAURA: Oh! Did you come from Zadash? MATT: “We briefly did, yes, but we are returning. We have finished our wares and we have things to "bring back to sell.” LAURA: How far is it to Zadash? MATT: “Uh…” At this point he’s passed by you and his voice gets a bit louder over his shoulder and he’s like, “From this point, it’s probably around 150 miles.” LAURA: Thank you! MATT: The next one continues, one after another. You get a better look, too. The ones at the front that were pretty heavily covered, as opposed to the ones in the back which are a little taller, and as you look into the back, there’s little flaps and openings on the inside, you can see there’s families traveling. MARISHA: Does it look like they have any wares that they’re traveling to trade? MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: That’s a 16, I think. Yeah. 19. MATT: Glancing through, you can see the three wagons towards the back seem to be more for transport of people. It seems like either these merchants are bringing their family with them for long treks, so they’re not apart from them for so long, or their family is just a family of traders or transport. Looking past them, you can see there are a lot of supplies behind them, but you’re not sure if they’re wares or just their personal goods. TRAVIS: Molly, feel like making some coin, doing a little bit of a show? TALIESIN: Hmm. MATT: The fifth cart’s now passed. You’re moving on to the sixth cart. TALIESIN: Do these people look like they’re in the mood to stop? MARISHA: Yeah, do they look sad? MATT: Make an insight check. SAM: Do they look sad. TALIESIN: What’s insight? LAURA: Plus five. TALIESIN: Oh, where do you see that? Oh! There it is. Thank you. 19. MATT: They don’t look sad necessarily. They’re on the road, just kind of looking out and keeping eyes on the vicinity and probably lost in thought. You do see a pair of children, hard to gauge their age at this distance, but they’re under the age of ten at least, and they seem to look relatively bored. TALIESIN: I’ll balance one of the swords on my head and flash the cards and see if anybody bites. LAURA: As you drop them all over the ground. LIAM: Wakka wakka. MATT: You watch as the young boy, he has tangled black hair that poofs out a bit on the sides, he has a deeper brown skin, and he looks up at you with his bright blue eyes. As soon as you begin balancing the sword, he smiles a little bit and jabs his elbow into his sister who’s a little bit older than him, who glances over and points. They both point towards you. You don’t hear anything. They just point and smile as their cart pulls away, the sixth cart making distance from you. LAURA: He can tell your fortune! TALIESIN: They didn’t poke the parents. LAURA: They’re stupid. MATT: The caravan continues without you. LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: Ah, it’s very good. LAURA: Is it? TALIESIN: Yes. LAURA: What does it mean? TALIESIN: It means that you’re on a cart. LAURA: It was the chariot. TRAVIS: Would you normally, you know, hijack a caravan like that? SAM: I mean, we have in the past. If we are confident we can get away with it, we would. We could– TALIESIN: Can you get away with something like that? SAM: There’s a lot of people in that caravan though, it seems like a risky maneuver. LIAM: That’s a pretty big matzo ball there. TALIESIN: And stealing is wrong. But if you did it, could you get away with it? SAM: We could probably get away with it. Why? You want to follow them and rob their shit? TRAVIS: Just going off what you said earlier. I don’t want to change your behavior just because you’re with us all of a sudden. SAM: I mean, sure. Let’s go do it. LAURA: He’s just trying to get you in trouble. SAM: Oh, okay. TRAVIS: I am not. Merely asking a question. MARISHA: Would you join in in the stand off? TRAVIS: Wait, what does that– MARISHA: Would you join the stagecoach robbery? TRAVIS: If we’re pointing them down, reach for the sky! TALIESIN: Careful, those fingers are loaded. LIAM: Yeah, but I would ask. Are you asking because that is something that you have no experience with or are you wondering maybe is that something that we could join you in? TRAVIS: Only because I have no experience in it, I was just curious what it was that you might have done, you know, previously. LAURA: Did you hijack a cart? SAM: No, we were more small-time thieves. We wouldn’t typically hijack moving caravans. Usually we’d wait until they parked somewhere and then just go sneak on and steal something out of the back. LIAM: Mostly whatever we can walk away with. MARISHA: The things with moving carts of that big a family is they tend to prep. You don’t know what kind of people or weapons they have with them. LIAM: Always go for a sure thing. MARISHA: You know how we’re pretty sure that everyone on this road’s going to kill us? Yeah, everyone else thinks that, too. TRAVIS: Fair enough. SAM: But if you need me to teach you how to steal, you can tag along sometime. TRAVIS: I might take you up on that, yeah. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: Interesting. MATT: Continuing on your path, I want to ask which two of you are taking point in keeping an eye on the road and the landscape around you as you progress? TRAVIS: (fake cough) Beau. MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll take watch. TRAVIS: Oh, sorry. MATT: Okay. Beau and who else? TRAVIS: So generous of you. LAURA: You want to do it? TALIESIN: I was going to say, yeah. I’ll take a round. I’m used to keeping an eye out on the road. MATT: So the two of you are taking point up until you guys decide to change it when it comes to travel along the road. MARISHA: It’s just general perception? MATT: Yes. I would like you both, currently about an hour’s journey past that intersection with the other caravan, to make a perception check. LAURA: Ooh! I bet someone’s going to try to hijack our shit on the road just like we were talking about then. MARISHA: Not too bad. 18. TRAVIS: Yeah! Smash. MATT: 18 and eight. Actually, both of you don’t really notice anything. MARISHA: Oh. Take that back. Take it back. MATT: Both of you keeping an eye out, the hills continue to roll. You see patches of trees and small wooded areas. Grass field is tall but it’s beautiful and the light breeze that blows through, you can see the waves of wind as they come across. You can hear the faint sound of it moving the fields across. MARISHA: Is there a tree that looks climbable that I could get a vantage point? MATT: There is. It’s maybe about 600 feet off the road, but you can try and head over there if you want to. TRAVIS: Plus we’ve been traveling for what? About hour and a half, two hours now? MATT: I’d say total right now, you’ve been probably on the road for about four hours. MARISHA: Oh. TRAVIS: We should probably rest the horse for just a bit. (laughter) MARISHA: Sure. Anyone want to take a quick pee break? LAURA: Yes. SAM: Yes, please. MARISHA: All right. Let’s go over to the bushes. MATT: All right. So you guys leave the cart on the road or do you take it off to the side? SAM: Should leave a guard with the– LAURA: We should lead it off the road. MARISHA: Can we take it with us fairly easily? MATT: I mean, you can. The progress will slow a bit because you’re now taking it through the hills and the field and having to push the cart through the grass. LIAM: No, we should take it off the road. LAURA: Just off the road a little bit. MARISHA: Just off the road but we don’t have to go all the way to the tree, I can– TALIESIN: I’ll sit with the cart for the first roll. TRAVIS: I’ll stay with you. LIAM: Where are you going to do? MARISHA: I’m just going to go check out this tree over here. See if I can get a little better vantage. LIAM: Okay. I have a bird that can go probably higher than the tree, if you want. MARISHA: Yeah, kind of forgot about that. LIAM: Would you like me to do that? LAURA: Maybe she likes climbing trees. LIAM: Or you could. I don’t want to rob you of the joy of climbing a good tree. TRAVIS: Or falling out of it, which we would really enjoy. TALIESIN: That would be actually extremely– MARISHA: Both are very pleasant, but I do not necessarily need that to feel fulfilled. LIAM: Okay. Well, I will sit in the field then and give him a little chuck under the chin and– oh, wait. Before I go away, am I looking for anything specific? MARISHA: Just people coming. LIAM: People coming. MATT: As the rest of you take a moment to step off to the side of the road, pull out some of your travel supplies to feed the horse, give it a rest. LAURA: Pick some flowers. MATT: Pick some flowers, which you can find. They’re wildflowers. They’re bright white, scattered and simple, but they’re beautiful in their own right. You all take a bit to relieve yourselves a little ways off the road. You make your way towards the nearest tree and it’s a cluster of about five or six that are nearby, this pocket where it seems like some seeds long ago got dropped by a bird, probably, over the sky, and then proceeded to grow and sprout. The lowest branch is about ten feet up, so you’re going to have to take a quick leap and try and climb some of it. MARISHA: I wanted to wait for Caleb. MATT: Oh, that’s right, you’re waiting there. Never mind. You see that tree and you go, “I’ll "get to that later.” MARISHA: It’s a damn good tree. I do miss climbing trees. LAURA: Do you need me to lift you up to the branch? MATT: Your eyes cloud over. LIAM: They do. As the bird is flying, just for a second, I say: You know, ordinarily– I can’t hear you, but he’s a cat almost all the time, so this is a rarity. You’ll be able to climb many trees, many other times, but we should take advantage of him. Well, okay. LAURA: None of us were nearby when he was saying all of that. MATT: No, you guys were quite a ways off. No one was in earshot. TRAVIS: We were shitting in the bushes. MATT: A ladybug lands on his nose and goes in his nostril, but he can’t feel it. LIAM: Feel it?! I can feel stuff! MATT: Maybe not this. You’re too focused. LIAM: We worked out that he could– okay, great. There’s bugs in my nose. MATT: It tickles a little bit. LIAM: Shove it all in, everybody! MATT: To be fair, your face itches in general from the sheer amount of filth that’s on it. It’s hard to really differentiate. LIAM: In the middle of the field you hear: Ooh, look at that! What do I see? MATT: Make a perception check for your birdie. LIAM: That’s a nine. MATT: Glancing over and doing a wide pass around as everyone begins to gather their things and head towards the cart, the road’s pretty open. At this point, the previous caravan is invisible from that height, the hills close that distance. You don’t see anything coming your way. It seems pretty open and safe. LIAM: Okay. I keep flying for a little bit longer. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I lift Beau up to the branch just because. MARISHA: Okay. Feels like childhood. Do you want up here? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll jump! MARISHA: All right, I lift her up. LAURA: We sit up in the branches. MATT: Okay, cool. It’s a nice view. (laughter) TRAVIS: It’s impossible to believe him. MARISHA: Is there anything carved in the branches, in the tree trunk? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: The treant eats you. MATT: Shh, don’t spoil it! MARISHA: 18. MATT: No carvings of names or letters, but you do see a few knots in the tree that have currently been carved out and made a home to a number of woodland creatures. LAURA: I’ve never climbed a tree before. MARISHA: Really? LAURA: Yeah. This is really pretty. MARISHA: What do you think lives in that hole? LAURA: Probably very small unicorns. MARISHA: Have you ever seen an unicorn? LAURA: Yes, I’ve seen many. The little ones can be as small as hamsters. MARISHA: Pocket unicorns? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Where do you find such things? LAURA: All over. You just have to know where to look. SAM: And believe. TALIESIN: She’s starting to believe. MARISHA: What is it like being in your head? LAURA: It’s pretty great! MATT: Eventually, you all gather yourselves again back at the wagon, cart it back onto the road, and head northward. Another few hours pass before the sun begins to set. As the sky grows darker, the clouds from the north-northeast begin to filter in with a colder wind. You get the sense that the warm day that you had is coming to a close and who knows how long the current cold weather will keep. The light begins to fade, darker and darker, until you get the sense that you have about 30 minutes before this field goes pitch black. LIAM: How cold is it out? MATT: You can see your breath. LAURA: Oh, that’s pretty cold. MATT: Not super thick, but when you exhale you see a bit of the breath before you. TRAVIS: Should we pull off on the side of the road and get a campfire going? TALIESIN: I’d say let’s get a bit off the road, if possible. MARISHA: Does it look like there’s any trees or any base of mountains or any place that would be a good sheltered campsite? MATT: There are no mountains anywhere in the vicinity. You’re in the center of the rolling hills. There is a cluster of trees you could go to that’s about 300 feet or so off the road. It’s three trees, so it’s not a lot of cover, but unfortunately you’re in the middle of a valley. TALIESIN: It’ll do. LAURA: Can we get the horse over to them? MATT: It takes you a little bit. You spend about 45 minutes in pitch dark keeping an eye in that direction before you come upon the tree. You can faintly see the outline of the tree against the faint bit of light making it through the cloud cover. You guys stop there, get the horse a little bit of water and feed, and the site’s yours. TALIESIN: Set a tent. Start a fire. LAURA: This is why we should’ve taken one of the circus tents. TALIESIN: They take an awful lot of time to put up. You do know this. There’s a process. LAURA: Yeah, but think about how cool it would be to camp in one. TALIESIN: Oh, it would be amazing. I’ve done it. It’s great, but this is nice, too. TRAVIS: Shall we collect some wood and start a fire? SAM: Sounds good. MATT: Who’s starting the fire? TRAVIS: Anybody want to come with me to find some kindling? MARISHA: I have an adventurer’s kit. Does that have a tinder in it? MATT: You can do that. TRAVIS: Shall we? MARISHA: Sure. TRAVIS: All right. Go look for some dead-ish branches. MARISHA: I’m a little– you be my eyes. It’s super dark. SAM: Maybe you shouldn’t go. MARISHA: You know what, I’ll start digging a little pit. LIAM: Now, hold on. I pull a rag out, and I (poof) one of the Dancing Lights, and make that hooded lantern again so that you can see. MATT: With that light, it’s easy enough to find some small kindling. There’s not a whole lot in the vicinity, mainly being that it’s an open field. But you find a few pieces of fallen tree and general dead plant life in the vicinity that can get something going. TALIESIN: We can chop it up. MATT: Eventually you get a fire going. It’s a little beacon of light here in the darkness, orange-ish flickering against the interior of the three trees as you guys are situated there. You figure you’ve made it a little under halfway to Alfield, which is the small city on the way to Zadash. It’ll take you a little over a day’s travel, or if you push it ahead you could probably make it in a day, but you can run the risk of getting tired. But for resting this evening, who wants to take watch? TRAVIS: Nobody. We’re all going to sleep. LIAM: While they decide that, I’m going to pull out my silver thread and I’m going to start winding a 20-foot circle around the fire. MARISHA: Oh, nice. LAURA: I get my little bouquet of wildflowers and I give it to Nott. SAM: Oh, that’s very nice of you. LAURA: Well, you said all girls like flowers. SAM: We do. That’s very nice of you, thank you. What did I do to deserve this? LAURA: I don’t know, you are my friend. TALIESIN: A single tear pours down a porcelain cheek. LAURA: I’ll take first watch. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Everybody hears a little (ting) as I hit a little bell that I have that’s part of it. And that’s it. SAM: I’ll sit up with you, Jester, and take first watch, 1B. LAURA: I like it. MATT: All right. We’ll say for the purposes of expediency on this, I’ll take three perception rolls from three different people that are keeping watch throughout the evening. So with the setup of your spell, you go to rest. Jester, you first. LAURA: Oh, god damn it! SAM: No, it’s pretty good. LAURA: Yeah, one. So pretty good. MATT: All right, natural one. About ten minutes– LAURA: Sorry, guys. MATT: About ten minutes into your watch, the inspiration hits for you to start drawing interesting faces and weird trees. You start sketching– LAURA: Little tiny hamster unicorns! MATT: There you go. As you begin to sketch, you are not paying attention at all to the area around you. LAURA: It’s really cute! All wrapped up in a little swaddling blanket! MARISHA: Little hamster tails! Oh man! MATT: Giant miniatures space unicorns. However, even though you rolled really poorly, your watch goes through unabated. Second watch, who’s taking that? LAURA: I’m so tired! (snores) LIAM: I will stay up for a little bit, yeah. MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll a perception check, please. LAURA, MARISHA, and TRAVIS: (chanting) Caleb! LIAM: Oh, that’s pretty good. That’s a 19. MATT: Okay. Keeping an eye out, you see a little ways off– it’s hard to make out any shapes because of your human eyes and, with the firelight that’s near you, your eyes can’t adjust to the darkness as well, but there are bits and pieces where the clouds do break, the moonlight comes down and you can see a distant shape that’s moving through the field maybe about 400 feet off. You can see it pushing through the height of the grass, moving slowly. LIAM: Am I the only one awake at this moment? MATT: Yep. LIAM: I slowly jiggle Nott awake. (whispers) Get up. SAM: It was violin class! What? LIAM: I put a hand over her mouth. SAM: What’s going on? LIAM: There is a thing out around our fire a ways off. SAM: Why did we leave you on watch? You can’t see in the dark! LIAM: No, I saw the shape. It’s not dark, there’s a fire here. SAM: Okay, let me sneak around and look. Right? We don’t want to wake everyone because– LIAM: Because we want them to die? I think we should probably wake everyone. SAM: What if it’s nothing? Then they’ll be upset with us. There’s nothing more dangerous than– LIAM: I shake Beau awake. SAM: No, she’s the most irritable! MARISHA: I’m what? SAM: Sorry. MARISHA: Did you say I’m fucking irritable? LIAM: She said “most beautiful.” There’s a thing out there in the field. Something is moving. LAURA: She can’t see! She’s human, too! (laughter) SAM: I’m going to go look! I can see in the dark. LIAM: No, wait here! SAM: I’m going to dart off in a flanking maneuver. MATT: Make a stealth check. SAM: 18 plus stuff. LIAM: As soon as I see her do that, I start swatting Fjord on the back to wake him up. SAM: 26. MARISHA: What do I see? MATT: You vaguely see the shape moving, but it’s hard to see, and only because of the moonlight. Nott, as you stealth up and quickly move through the grass, eventually you hear this (soft grunting). You glance up and see there is not one, but three large buffalo-type creatures that are lumbering through the fields. SAM: Buffalo-type creatures, or buffalo? MATT: You’re not sure. You’re not close enough to see. You see they’re bipedal, they’re thick and muscular, and they have these large horns that curl off to the side and out. TRAVIS: Bipedal? MATT: Sorry, quadruped, not bipedal. SAM: How far am I from the camp? MATT: You’re about, maybe, 80 to 100 feet from it. SAM: Cool. I’m going to pull out a piece of copper wire and, remembering the motions that Caleb taught me, I’m going to twirl it around in my hand and hold it up to my mouth and whisper a Message just to Caleb. TRAVIS: Oh shit, what?! SAM: I’m going to say: it’s three buffalo, or buffalo-type objects. Creatures. What do you want me to do? (fwoosh) LIAM: I’m so proud! I don’t know that spell, so I cannot talk back. SAM: Yes, you can! LIAM: What? Who said that? If you can can hear me– I don’t think you can– come back with the group. SAM: All right. LAURA: Can you hear him? LIAM: Is that how Message works? SAM: Yes, I can hear you. LAURA: That is awesome! MATT: The whispers continue back and forth. SAM: It’s just one back and forth. I can talk to him, he can reply once. That’s it. MATT: For one round. LIAM: For one round, so six seconds. LAURA: Sick. MATT: It’s a cantrip. LAURA: Oh my gosh, I love it. LIAM: Oh, if it’s a cantrip, you can do it over and over again. LAURA: It’s a cantrip? SAM: Is it? Oh, it is! Ooh, this is exciting! I’ve never had magic before. LIAM: It’s two soup cans with a string. MATT: Essentially. LAURA: How far does it go? SAM: You don’t know! TRAVIS: Yeah, there you go. SAM: You’re drawing hamsters. LAURA: Oh, the cutest unicorn hamsters. MATT: So Nott, what are you doing? SAM: He said to come back, so I’m coming back. On the way back, I’m going to see if they’re eating or sleeping. What are they doing? MATT: They’re just moving. As you head back to the camp, you can see they pass and continue heading in the southwestern direction in the field, not taking notice of your fire or the encampment. SAM: They could be good for meat. We could go kill them and eat them for meat. LIAM: Is she back? MATT: Yes. LIAM: I scoop her up. Look at you! You cast a spell, you spoke to me! SAM: You said to do the hand movements and the whispery thing. And I did it and it worked! LIAM: It’s as simple as that, isn’t it? SAM: Yes! LIAM: Oh, I’m so proud of you! We need to calm down and go back to bed. SAM: Oh, but we could’ve eaten those buffalo-type creatures. TRAVIS: Hey, what the fuck did you wake us up for, anyway? LIAM: (laughs nervously) Got you. TRAVIS: That’s a joke? LIAM: No. I thought we were all going to die, but it was just– what was it? SAM: Three large beasts of burden. Wait, we could use them to pull the cart! TRAVIS: Yeah! Where are they? SAM: They went that way! In the dark! MARISHA: You sure they were just cows? Or donkeys? Or buffalo-type things? SAM: I don’t know! I don’t know what they were, but they looked big and able to pull the cart. TRAVIS: Let’s go look at one. SAM: You want to go cow-tipping, don’t you? TRAVIS: Fuck yeah! Take me cow-tipping, son! Woo! LIAM: Echoes in the field. (echoing sounds) SAM: What happened? TRAVIS: I don’t know. Back in college. SAM: Are we going to go after them or are we going to go back to sleep? TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s go look at one. LIAM: Well, shit. I guess we’re going to look at a buffalo. SAM: Let’s go! LAURA and TALIESIN: I’m still sleeping. MATT: While Molly and Jester continue to enjoy their continued long rest, you all interrupt it to get up, and head in the direction of these creatures. I would like you all to make a stealth check, please. SAM: 12. TRAVIS and MARISHA: 11. LIAM: 16. MATT: All right. The four of you, shoulder to shoulder, keeping low, making your way through the field, stepping ever so carefully. And there’s this (croaking) as one of you accidentally goes completely foot down on to some sort of field frog that had been there. As the croak hits, you watch as one of the creatures (startled grunting), and they all start running away, spooked by the sound. TRAVIS: Shit. MARISHA: Can we tell what they are? Now that we’re closer? MATT: Make a perception check, if you want to. TRAVIS: I’d like to, with my darkvision. MATT: At disadvantage on you, unfortunately, at this distance. TALIESIN: Welcome to human. MARISHA: Six. MATT: They look like buffalo-like creatures. TRAVIS: 13? MATT: They look like buffalo. SAM: You’ll never know what they were. TRAVIS: Well, that was worth a look. MATT: You aren’t too familiar with a lot of the indigenous animals that live or have been brought to this region if they haven’t been near the port towns that you grew up in. You haven’t seen these types of creatures before, but you vaguely know they’re in the ballpark of what a buffalo, you imagine, looks like. TRAVIS: It’s vaguely what I imagine a buffalo would look like. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Sorry. MARISHA: That was fun, let’s go. TRAVIS: Back to sleep. LIAM: Silently ruffle Nott’s hair on the way back to camp. SAM: Stop it. LAURA: (singing) Who’s got the third watch? TALIESIN: I’ll take it. LIAM: Turd watch. MATT: All right. Molly has the third watch. TALIESIN: Turd watch. MATT: Perception check, please. LAURA: Oh no! TALIESIN: Six. MATT: Okay. As you keep an eye out, everyone else sleeps throughout the evening. Eventually, you nod off, and fall asleep with the rest of them. I would like to ask all of you to leave the table for a moment, except for Fjord. TRAVIS: For me?! MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: It’s your turn now! TRAVIS: Why? (shouting) Why didn’t you roll a higher perception? TALIESIN: I literally don’t know. That’s actually the problem. MARISHA: Just don’t get a lich phylactery installed in you again. TALIESIN: Travis, it’s been nice playing with you. TRAVIS: Oh god. Oh no! TALIESIN: I thoroughly enjoyed your accent. TRAVIS: Oh shit! MATT: Fjord, as darkness takes your mind, dreamless like most, you await the emptiness of sleep to carry you to the day. Your sense of body fades, but your mind and the dark linger. Minutes, hours, days. Time loses real sense and meaning, but you’re conscious for it and that is almost maddening, in that split second or endless stretch of experience that you’re currently unable to express. As the time passes, the air grows colder around you. The faint shimmer of shifting midnight blue, muted and distant, now showing endless depth before you, rippling. You begin to flail about, your senses returning with the dropping temperature, but there is resistance to your limbs as you push in the space around you. You’re sluggish. There’s force. It’s not air, it’s water. You suddenly feel the burning pain in your lungs as your breath fights to escape you, but you hold tight. You seize and swim in desperation, choosing any direction, but the shimmering blue is directionless. There is no up, there is no down. It’s just depth. Movement. The universal shadows dance as one, right to left. With a speed that pulls you along with the current, you feel yourself being jostled. As it shifts again to the left to right, around behind you, you find yourself toppling, head over end, eventually coming to rest again. You spiral over and over again, the darkness swallowing you, tightening around you as this dance, this shape, this endless coil, this spiral around you. As the current tugs at you, battering you, you cannot fight any more as the increased power of the current pulls on your form. You cough, and the freezing waters rush into your body, the briny taste of salt water stinging your insides. Your wincing eyes open with the pain that clutches the interior of your chest, only to see a gargantuan mass moving through the water around you, like a massive noose closing in. The pain in your chest vanishes. As your breathing normalizes– thicker than air, but breathable all the same– it feels strange yet weirdly familiar. In that moment, yellow light bursts before you in the shape of an enormous yellow eye. An impossibly low tone rumbles through the waters around you, shaking you to your core, like an organic war horn the size of a canyon. The eye narrows as the tone grows stronger. A thought enters your mind, a jumble of emotions that your brain attempts to make sense of until a word congeals into the center of your consciousness: “Watching.” The eye just looks at you, waiting expectantly. TRAVIS: (English accent) What are you? MATT: “Watching.” TRAVIS: Watching me? MATT: The eye opens a bit and leans closer towards you. “Potential.” TRAVIS: My potential? What are you asking of me? MATT: “Learn.” TRAVIS: Learn. What would you have me learn? MATT: “Learn. Grow. Provoke. Consume.” TRAVIS: Learn, grow, provoke, consume. I don’t understand. MATT: “Reward.” TRAVIS: A reward for this? I’m listening. MATT: “Patience.” The eye closes, and the light is gone. You feel the darkness and the cold completely suffuse your entire world as the panic and solitude, the true quiet of your unconsciousness, begins to take hold. At that moment, you gasp for breath, and your eyes open, coughing and sputtering in the morning air. If we could have everybody else come back to the table, please! Call them back in. TRAVIS: Fuck. Fuck you! What were those words?! MATT: Watching, potential, learn, grow, provoke, consume. We’ll go over the rest later. Come on in! SAM: Are we supposed to come back? MATT: Yes, you’re supposed to come back in. LAURA: We’re supposed to come in! MATT: You are. TRAVIS: Sorry, I found a patch of strawberries. TALIESIN: Everybody back? MATT: Everybody back. LIAM: Are you okay? We’re fine? Everything’s good? TRAVIS: Yeah! We’re fine. We’re great. Just doing dandy. Yep. LIAM: You would tell us if something was wrong? TRAVIS: Of course. SAM: That was fast. You really fought five guys in an alleyway that fast? TRAVIS: Sometimes it doesn’t take that long, you know what I mean? LAURA: What does he look like? What are we doing? MATT: As the rest of you have already come to consciousness in the morning air, begun to situate your belongings and put out the embers of the fire that lasted– pardon– throughout the night. Your morning belches getting out. Fjord has slept in, and has been ever so still in his sleep. Suddenly, without warning, he suddenly shoots up from his sleep, his eyes wide, and as he opens his mouth, begins coughing and spitting water up. TRAVIS: (coughing) SAM: Oh no, he’s injured! LAURA: Fjord! Have I ever seen this happen to him before? MATT: No. LIAM: Can you speak? TRAVIS: Yeah. No, I’m fine. TALIESIN: Yeah, you look it. LIAM: You just spit a lot of water out and you were sleeping. TALIESIN: Was it a lot of water? MATT: It was a sizeable glass filled with water. TALIESIN: I’m going to do something very weird. I’m going to walk over and dampen my hand on the water on his chest really quickly and (sniffing). MATT: It’s briny and salty. TALIESIN: Huh. SAM: Why are you drinking salt water? TALIESIN: You don’t know that. SAM: Oh. (in Sam’s voice) Why are you drinking salt water? (laughter) LAURA: Jeez, Fjord. That’s a lot of drool. MARISHA: Does it taste like stomach acid? Because that’s gross, man. TALIESIN: Only one way to find out! TRAVIS: Like a momma bird. Everybody have some of what I puked up. It’s all good. LIAM: I don’t, I want to make an insight check. He’s talking about acid reflux but he just spit a bunch of water out. MATT: Yeah, make an insight check. LIAM: Yeah, okay. That’s 22. TRAVIS: Yeah, I don’t think it was acid reflux. MARISHA: You taste like a seaman. (laughter) TRAVIS: I don’t know. I want to shake your hand, but at the same time, I want to smash it. MATT: I’ve never been more proud of my wife. TAIESIN: That’s not normal. LAURA: What happened, Fjord? LIAM: Does he seem full of shit to me? MATT: Seems like he’s covering some confusion or at least trying to deflect. TRAVIS: I had a dream, I’m sorry. A vivid one. Just shook me to my core a little. I’ll be fine, really. It’s not a common thing. LAURA: Why the water, though? TRAVIS: I don’t know. MARISHA: You never told me where you got that sword. I mean, because I saw it get a little soggy, a little drippy, when we were fighting the frog thing, so, you know. MATT: As you glance down at your sheath on the ground, it is empty. There is no falchion. TRAVIS: Yeah. That sword is a pickle. MARISHA: It’s a pickled sword? Are there benefits to pickling your weapons? TRAVIS: It’s a mystery. MARISHA: Oh, right. TALIESIN: He’s not wrong, though. It actually is a pickle. You can taste it. MARISHA: Yeah. It is very salty. LAURA: I do like pickles. TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s not bad. LIAM: Is our group going to be all about puns and that stuff? SAM: It’s the lowest form of humor. LAURA: Is it really the lowest? TALIESIN: Level three. MARISHA: Okay, there are some pun competitions that get serious. SAM: Are you all right, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah. I feel funny. Caleb, you remember me asking you about your arcane prowess? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: My small experience with the arcane came to me around the same time that sword did. LIAM: How long ago was that? TRAVIS: Not too long ago. Very recent. Right before I met up with Jester. SAM: Were you in the ocean? TRAVIS: Yeah, I was. Did a lot of merchant sailing, previously. Had one trip that didn’t go so well. Suffice it to say, after it was done, I found that sword. MARISHA: What happened on the trip? Rough waters? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Did anyone die? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m not real comfortable talking about it. LIAM: What about the sword? You said you found it on the ocean, you found on the boat you were on? You were on an island? What do you mean? TRAVIS: I found it on the shore. When I got back to land, it was just there. I’m not super familiar with a ton of weaponry– the sword I know, I had some training in it, but this seemed like a unique sword. I felt like it almost called to me. I know how that sounds, but when I picked it up, seemed like everything changed. Ever since, I’ve been able to do more things. Been able to reach out with some of the stuff I’ve seen you do. That’s why I’m trying to make it up to the Academy. I’m trying to figure out what it is that I have. LIAM: DM, when I cast Detect Magic in the first game, in the tavern, did that sword light up? MATT: No. TRAVIS: I don’t mean to alarm any of you, really. I’m trying to be as forthright as I can. TALIESIN: Where is the sword right now? TRAVIS: Can I make it appear? MATT: You look down, and it’s not in the sheath. You glance around, it’s nowhere near you. TRAVIS: I focus. Reach down. MATT: He looks down at his open palm, and there is a flash of greenish-blue, teal energy out of his grip. There, clutched within his grasp, you see the falchion, coated in the remnants of sea floor life. You see the barnacles encrusted around the edge and up the back of the blade, as it begins to drip water. The same kind that was coughed up by Fjord this morning. TRAVIS: You can see why I’m a little curious about this item. TALIESIN: That’s a great trick. LIAM: I don’t even need to touch it, but would you trust me to study it for a moment? TRAVIS: Do you have any experience with items like this? LIAM: I’m good at figuring things out. I’m clever. MARISHA: I might be able help you with that. I was obsessed with underwater life and mermaids, so I’ve read a few books. TRAVIS: Could we revisit that idea, perhaps? I’m sorry, the night has left me a bit shaken, and I feel like I need a moment to get my bearings, if that’s all right. LIAM: Ja, you can understand that we would be curious, but I don’t want to push anybody. I mean, we’ve just met. TRAVIS: Of course not, and I don’t want to make anyone feel uneasy. Again, trying to be as transparent as I can. I don’t quite understand, and I appreciate your patience in advance. And I make it vanish. MATT: You watch as it just disappears out of your grip. LIAM: When he says he doesn’t quite understand, is he telling the truth? Is that the same insight check? MATT: You have to make a new one. LIAM: 11. TALIESIN: 23. MATT: 23. TALIESIN: This whole story, I’ve been watching. MATT: As far as you can tell, as forthright and honest as you’ve heard him be. TALIESIN: That’s so disappointing. All right. LAURA: Fjord, do you think you’re slowly turning into water? TRAVIS: (sighs) No. I hadn’t considered that terrifying thought, but thanks. I’ll just add that to the fucking list. LAURA: If you feel like it’s happening, let us know and we’ll try to catch you in a jar. TRAVIS: In a jar? TALIESIN: Unless he runs away. SAM: We’re not going to let you run into the dirt. LAURA: Maybe something can happen. TRAVIS: Tell you what, I start sweating real hard, I’ll let you know, okay? TALIESIN: He’s fine. MARISHA: Has that happened to you before, by the way? The whole, “waking up coughing salt water” thing? TRAVIS: I don’t really remember. LIAM: You wouldn’t have to remember that far back. You said that this all started just a few weeks ago, when you met this one. TRAVIS: I don’t really remember my dreams all that well. They leave me quickly. TALIESIN: I remember all of mine, I don’t know. LAURA: I’ve never seen him wake up with water all over him. MARISHA: Well, excited to see what unfolds. Shall we? TALIESIN: If you’re going to vomit something, salt water’s pretty decent. It could have been way worse. LAURA: Of all things, it’s way better than vomit. TALIESIN: Oh, it’s far superior. Already, you’re proving to be an asset. LAURA: If we get really thirsty, we’ll just come to you in the morning. TALIESIN: You can’t drink– the salt water makes you thirstier. LAURA: Oh, really? TALIESIN: It feels like you should be able to, but you can’t. SAM: Should we get back on the road, then? TRAVIS: If you wouldn’t mind. SAM: How is Horse doing today? TRAVIS: Horse? SAM: How’s Horse? LAURA: What is his name? LIAM: I was wondering the very same thing, actually, all night. I was wondering what we would call– LAURA: This horse? Maybe he has a name. Molly? TALIESIN: Does the horse have a name? If it did, I’ll make one up. MATT: It probably had a few names, in travel, and you’ve gone through a few horses. TALIESIN: Try not to name them. We’re just going to end up eating them. MATT: So whatever you come up with. TALIESIN: His name was Winter’s Crest. If he lived that long, that was when we were going to butcher him and eat him. You can rename him, it’s fine. LAURA: I like it, it’s like a celebration. TALIESIN: That was the plan. SAM: Maybe for short we’ll call him W.C. LIAM: You were going to butcher, at Winter’s Crest, and that’s a special treat? TALIESIN: It means you’re going to eat meat, and then you’re going to make some jerky, and then you’re going to buy another horse with the money you make. MATT: Interesting point, too: For most of you, Winter’s Crest would have little meaning. It’s largely celebrated in continents to the west, as it is specific to a historic event that did not happen in Wildemount. But you’re a carnival, so you guys have more of a vast and strange knowledge. TALIESIN: We celebrate everything. MATT: When he says Winter’s Crest, maybe Beau. LIAM: Have I ever read about it? LAURA: I feel like my mom saw lots of visitors from other places. MATT: It’s possible, but just for a bit of information. MARISHA: I feel like the snooty town that I came from would have a Winter’s Crest festival, like how we have Oktoberfests out here. Even though we have no real business having them, yeah. TALIESIN: Just glögg. Lots and lots of glögg. MATT: As you guys look off, at this conversation with the horse, the horse is currently about 30 feet off in the field, eating grass out of the field. TALIESIN: If you’re on the road long enough, you eat a lot of animals. You eat a lot of beasts of burden. LAURA: I wander over to the wagon and I go and sit down and start drawing, because I need to. I need to spend a little time. LIAM: I pull Nott over. Do you know what W.C. means in Zemnian? SAM: What does it mean? LIAM: Toilet. SAM: It’s a pun. (laughter) LIAM: I give her a little fistbump. MATT: As you guys gather up, in the fresh morning air, back into the cart. MARISHA: Do some pull-ups on the tree branches. MATT: As Beau gets nice and swole for the morning. LIAM: Vasquez. MARISHA: Just a little bit. TRAVIS: You’re just too bad, Vasquez. MATT: (laughter) Vasquez is a pretty good print. I think we were talking, Vasquez and Starbuck from the new Battlestar are both good character prints for Beau. Yeah, love that. As you guys bring the cart back up onto the Amber Road, northward, you begin your second-day trek. You guys push on for a few hours. Is it still Beau and Mollymauk keeping point? TALIESIN: I’ll keep. MARISHA: I don’t mind. MATT: I’ll have both of you roll a perception check, please. MARISHA: Do we have the highest perception? TALIESIN: Ugh. I did until it bounced. MARISHA: Fuck. I almost got– samesies. 11. TALIESIN: Five. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I have decent perception, what’s yours? MATT: Calm fields. TALIESIN: I might be distracted looking for things that I can pluck out of the fields. All right. MATT: You push on for a few more hours, the afternoon staring to get late. You can choose soon, when it gets dark, to set up camp again and stay another evening out in the fields, or you get a sense looking at the map that you had procured that if you push an extra hour or so past, you could probably make it to Alfield before the night’s done. SAM: Let’s do that. TALIESIN: Most of us can see in the dark, it’s not a big deal. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Okay. You guys just hunker down in the wagon, okay? You be safe. MARISHA: Deal. LIAM: Must be nice. TRAVIS, LIAM, and TALIESIN: (singing) Must be nice. TALIESIN: Can’t say that, ah! MATT: All righty. You guys push forward, kind of pick up the pace a bit, but the horse and those of you who are on the sides of the cart, if you wish to, you can jog along the side to alleviate some of the burden. MARISHA: I’m going to scan still while I’m– MATT: Keeping an eye out. MARISHA: With my shitty vision. MATT: Okay. The sun does eventually close towards the Cyrios Mountains to the west and night begins to fall. At this point, you do see just over the distance in the hill as darkness comes, you can see the faint glow, a cluster of light, of a village in the distant hills. You get the sense that this is probably Alfield at the perimeter of your vision. As you continue to push forward, you’ve now gone past eight hours of continuous travel into the ninth hour. I would like you all to roll a constitution saving throw, please. MARISHA and TALIESIN: Natural 20. LAURA: Whoa. That’s because you guys are– oh, no, you’re riding in the cart. MARISHA: I’m riding. TRAVIS: 16. MARISHA: I’m just like: What’s wrong? LIAM, SAM, and LAURA: Nine. MATT: Nine as well? Wow. It’s like Rammstein on that side of the table. (laughter) TRAVIS: Nein! Cookie monster. MATT: All right. So the three of you take one level of exhaustion. LAURA: Aw. How do we do that in here? LIAM: How does that affect us, again? MATT: This is a good thing to look up. Essentially, per point of exhaustion– TALIESIN: So you go to your HP. MATT: There you go. So you have disadvantage on ability checks until you take a long rest to get rid of it. LAURA: Disadvantage on abilities? MATT: Yes. On ability checks, so skills and things like that. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: All right. You guys are– you’re a few– you’re probably about a half mile away from Alfield and it looks, even at this distance, a bit smaller than Trostenwald, where you were. You can see the faint clusters of trees on the north, eastern and northeastern sides of the city, otherwise it’s just in this pocket behind a few hills. It’s a bit podunk in size, you can gather from this distance, but it’s welcoming. There’s a flash of orange light on the outskirts of town. LIAM: Did that look arcane to me? MATT: No, it just looked like a flash. I mean, it could have been arcane. It’s hard to tell at this distance, it’s quite a ways away. TALIESIN: That’s weird. MATT: There’s a second one. (flash) You faintly see what looks like the distant curl of flames beginning to spread across what appears to be a roof. TRAVIS: Oh shit. LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: Think we just watched someone commit arson, you guys! TRAVIS: That’s not really a– MARISHA: Let’s go kick their ass. TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s do that. LAURA: Does it look like the fire is spreading at all? MATT: I mean, as you sit here and watch– LAURA: We’re walking. TALIESIN: Let’s head that direction and start yelling at people. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Full sprint. TRAVIS: Fire! MATT: You guys begin to go into a faster jog in that direction. As you do, you can see the fire is now beginning to consume a handful of buildings and the flames are beginning to flicker higher. You begin to hear in the distance a very faint high-pitched yelp or some sort of a screech. It’s hard to make it out at this distance, it’s an open field area and it’s mingling with what sounds like now dozens of voices screaming and entwining. As you can see the uncontrolled flames still progressing on the eastern side of the village, you can just see, as you get within a few hundred feet of the western side of Alfield, people just running. Villagers, probably a few hundred of them, are now just running out of the town as you guys begin to approach. Towards you and out into the field. So as you’re approaching, they’re coming your direction. TALIESIN: I’m going to stop one and ask what happened. MATT: As you glance over, you see a family of five halflings rushing right past you. The mother is dragging two of the younger ones by the hand while the father is running alongside the eldest daughter, probably in her teens. The father wears a leather cap and has a handlebar mustache and simple farm clothing. As you shout out, he makes your eye contact. TALIESIN: What has happened? MATT: “Oh, I don’t know what happened. They started to burn the buildings and these things "started rushing. The city is under attack.” LAURA: What things? MATT: (panicked) “Big things. Dog-faced. I can’t– Come on.” They just keep running. LAURA: Dogs are attacking the village! MATT: At this point, you guys can see more people are fleeing. As you get closer, about 100 feet outside the city, you watch as the droves of people are beginning to get– at least either the ones that are actively fleeing have made it out of the city, or in the process the stragglers are still coming through. You see a young human man with scrappy, tattered brown hair, a bit of blood dripping down his face, running before his back arches and he falls into the grass. You can see an arrow protruding from his back. At that point, you can see, standing up from behind one of the exterior walls of the city, a humanoid creature stretching up to about seven feet tall, muscular torso with thin dog-like legs. You watch as it extends its neck with spots of fur, its ears curled upwards as it has a dog-like snout at the front of it. LAURA: Werewolves! MATT: You watch as it leaps onto the back of this fallen villager, bites into the shoulder, and tears a chunk out. Swallows it before it growls into the air (yipping howl). LAURA: Is that a werehyena? SAM: Have we seen these things before? MATT: You have. You’ve encountered a roving band of these on your way southward. LAURA: What is it? SAM: I think they’re– well, we don’t know what they’re called. We just fought them. I don’t know what they’re called; we fought one before! LAURA: You know how to kill them? SAM: You just hurt them until they die. MATT: It swallows the flesh, grabs the body, and then darts back into the city, dragging the corpse of the villager it’s just killed with it rapidly. TALIESIN: That’s weird. LIAM: Is it a walled-in city or just parts here and there? MATT: No. They’re small and waist high, and shoulder high walls that are partitions here and there, but it’s largely a farming city. LIAM: Not fortified at all? MATT: No, not at all. LAURA: Is he within range to hit with a spell? MATT: No, he’s about– well, depends on the spell. Right now he’s about 200 feet from you and he’s running into the city. You can see the flames are further in but you can see the orange glow flickering in the distance. MARISHA: Can I do a quick scan and see if I see more? MATT: Perception check. MARISHA: Don’t fuck this up. That’s okay, 17. MATT: 17. In the immediate vicinity, you do not. You see more people from the village starting to run out, screaming. You see a handful of crownsguard come out, one of them looks wounded and is, “To the north. Where are they coming from?” You see the two of them dart off northward into the city. What are you guys doing? TRAVIS: I chase after the crownsguard. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Go after the one that stole the guy. MARISHA: We’ll go after the one that stole the guy. TALIESIN: Is this making my spider sense tingle, can I track them? MATT: No. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: You get the sense, at the moment, there’s no active idea that these would be considered a creature that would draw your attention. TALIESIN: Okay, all right. MATT: Are you leaving the cart there, on the outskirts? TRAVIS: Yes. LIAM: We leave the toilet behind and we run in. MATT: All right, as you go charging into the city, you’re pushing past fleeing villagers and you can see some of the buildings now have been locked shut. You can see faintly through the windows furniture being boarded up from the inside. People are hunkering down for whatever this assault is. As you enter, you see the crownsguard went northward but the one creature that you saw charge in went straight towards the heart. Right now you can see there’s two main streets that bisect this small village. There’s one that goes at an angle, northwest to southeast. One that goes right towards the center, west to east. As you head towards the center you can see the flames are more near that central square. As you guys begin to run, push past a few more people, the smoke is starting to billow up and you can see now there’s embers rising and then falling. This very faint ashy rain of small points of reddish-orange light that begin to fall with the ash. As you turn around one of the buildings, there’s one of the side walls and four crownsguard all ducked down behind the wall with crossbows and longbows, all back behind it. You can see one that’s adorned with more ornate armor. You see a person there with elven features, but hint at a mixed lineage. They have their helmet on the ground, showing shoulder-length blond hair that’s turned red in places from a spattering of gore. Through gritted teeth they curse in pain as the bandages are applied to what you can see is a wound right around the midsection in the thigh area. Another soldier is in the process of wrapping it. You watch as they go, “Gah! You fool, bind the wound, "don’t stuff it.” Goes and they pull a bolt back into the crossbow and nock it at the ready. Glancing up and seeing you approach, they scan past you– most of you now with weapons at the ready, it seems, charging forward. “You!” You suddenly have an array of arrows, about five or six, come over the wall. One of them manages to pierce the back of one of the crownsguards’ heads and falls and crumples to the ground. They all get lower again. You hear in the distance (growling yips). The individual looks back to you. “You, are you able-bodied?” LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Very. MATT: “And you’re armed.” TRAVIS: We are. MATT: “30 gold a gnoll ear. Now get in there and help.” TRAVIS: A gnoll? MARISHA: 30 gold a gnoll ear? LAURA: For each one? How many are there? TRAVIS: Just go get them. MATT: They give you a look like– “Just go!” LAURA: I just don’t want to get overwhelmed is all. MARISHA: Nott and Jester, do you guys have ways to block arrows? MATT: (whoosh) Two of them glace up and fire two crossbow bolts over the wall and duck back behind. You hear a heavy smashing of wood, some more barks and gibbering echoing around the way. You can see now flames curling up to the top of the building that you’re all right next to, before the small wall that bisects the entryway. LAURA: I have a shield. TALIESIN: I start one of my swords on the back of my neck. LIAM : We are sitting ducks here. What do we do, Fjord? TRAVIS: It’s all on the other side of a wall? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Let’s go towards the wall. MATT: To give you perspective now. SAM: Oh. This’ll help. Hey side note: where’s my fucking wine? LAURA: Did you leave it? TRAVIS: You mean your water? MARISHA: Did you leave it outside? SAM: Is it gone? MARISHA: No, it’s just on the table. LAURA: Whoa! Oh my gosh. Where are we? MATT: You guys– LAURA: This is so cool. Look at that flame on the side of the roof. MATT: You are all right over this side area, corner. Arrange yourself as you feel you wish to be. Over there on the far end of the village. SAM: Oh wow. What a cool map. MATT: If you wish to, you can place yourselves where you wish or show me where you want them to go. LIAM: I would be pressed against the wall of that house. MATT: Right here? LAURA: Before I ran over here, I’m going to Caleb. I’ll hit you on the shoulder and say, bless you. And I’m going to give you Blessing of the Trickster just in case you want to stealth because you’re squishy, yo. LIAM: Okay, so I have advantage on stealth? LAURA: Yes. LIAM: Thank you. MARISHA: I’ll be with Jester. SAM: The enemies are just all over that direction, right? MATT: With what little bit you’ve looked over to the side you can see there are some up on the rooftops in the distance. You can see their dark figures silhouetted by flames, and other bits of light that normally fill the streets in the center of the city. Most you can see are these up here and you can already see a few bodies of guards and civilians that are lying on the ground, carved open and not moving. You see spatters of blood. You still hear them barking and giving orders next to each other (rabid barking). LAURA: How far away are the ones on the roof? How long is the distance from us? MATT: Over here? At this distance it’s hard to say. I’d say probably in the neighborhood of about 70 to 80 feet from you. You guys, I would like, if you are trying to stay out of sight, make a stealth check, please. Those of you with a point of exhaustion, you have disadvantage. MARISHA: Natural 19. LAURA: Six. TALIESIN: 21. SAM: 15. LIAM: 16. MARISHA: 25. TRAVIS: 14. SAM: So revealing– LAURA: Yeah, well, I’m exhausted. MATT: That’s okay. As a group, for the moment you guys haven’t drawn their attention. You’re still right next to where there are crownsguard who are in the process of a firefight with whatever is in this vicinity of the city. However, you may or may not make it through, for the moment, unseen. You’re not certain how many there are. But you can hear a lot of yipping and growling right around this large, two-story building that is currently engulfed in flames. SAM: I have an idea. We need to move away from here, right, Fjord? TRAVIS: We do. We have to use the cover of the buildings. SAM: All right, I think I can do something that would make them fire many of their arrows at something, but not us. Should I do that and then as soon as they fire their arrows we can run? TRAVIS: Diversions are absolutely– SAM: Diversions! That’s what it’s called, it’s a diversion. All right, may I move, is that a thing? MATT: You may, you’re stealthed currently. SAM: I take out a bit of fleece, and repeating the words and doing the hand gestures that I’ve been taught and tracing the image of a creature on the fleece, I will make a Silent Image of the guard who told us 30 gold a gnoll. I’m going to have the image of that guard dash across, slowly, dash across this alleyway. Like that way. LIAM: Maybe amble more than dash. SAM: Yes, not dash, just walk in a way that he could be easily shot. MATT: Interesting point of order, you’re not too certain of the gender of this individual, kind of fluid. SAM: Okay, great, that long-haired guard individual. MATT: There you go. As the figure leaps over the wall and begins making a run towards the center area, about four different arrows pass through its form before one of these gnoll creatures goes lumbering forward and slashes out to it. This gnoll, interestingly enough– the other ones you see and the one you saw before the city are all built and muscular. This one seems to be porous. With a brief bit of view, you can see there’s clumps of fur and exposed bone and part of its skull is just pushing out of its snout with teeth gnashing. As it tears into the illusion, it claws through, confused, and looks over in your direction. As you’re finishing drawing your blade across your back, what normally would be cold energy suddenly flickers into this beacon of bright white light. SAM: Ooh, nice. MATT: Something clicks in your mind and you’re like, “Oh, I know you.” TALIESIN: I’m preparing. How close am I to this thing? MATT: This entity would be here now. It would have just left out into that section there. TALIESIN: Does it see us? MATT: It does now. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Vicious Mockery at it, really quickly. MATT: All right. LAURA: Can I invoke Duplicity? MATT: You may. I’m giving you all one round preparation before we roll initiative. TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say, we’re in it. This is a fight. So anything you want to do now, do it. LIAM: I mutter a few words and my form starts to blink in and out of view. There is another Caleb next to me and another Caleb next to me. Shifting, blinking, flashing back and forth and it’s hard to see where I am. MATT: Okay. Is that concentration? LIAM: Yeah, it is. MATT: All right, I’m going to put a concentration marker on you just so we remember it. TRAVIS: Can I also, knowing that we’re probably going to be up close, danger close, I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself. You see a spectral frost start to harden around my armor in a shimmering light. MATT: That’s cool. So that’s you. That’s you. You’re going to Vicious Mockery. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Vicious Mockery. I’m going to look at him with my eyes glowing, and my sword glowing, and in Infernal say, (rasping) The light comes to blind your eyes and burn your flesh. Yeah, 1d4. MATT: He rolled a 13 minus three. I believe it’s wisdom, correct? TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s a wisdom saving throw. MATT: I’m pretty sure that’s a ten and that does not make your DC. TALIESIN: Yup, so he takes three psychic damage and he has disadvantage on his next attack roll. MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus action– yeah, fuck it, let’s go for it– I’m going to activate both swords. MATT: You drag the other edge of your blade– TALIESIN: Should I? Yeah. MATT: You’ve taken a total of six damage and your max HP is down by six. But you have currently the new invoked Rite on each blade. LAURA: Can I use my bonus action really fast? MATT: You may. LAURA: To say a little pray to the Traveler, and I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon. MATT: You may do that. Where are you going to cast it? LAURA: I’m going to cast it right above this zombie gnoll. It’s going to be in the shape of a giant lollipop. Like a bludgeoning lollipop. MATT: You watch as this flash of purplish energy suddenly apparates into the air. This thick-like wooden handle that is jammed into a massive, bludgeoning, solid piece of sugary goodness. LAURA: Yes! LIAM: The old fashioned swirly kind? LAURA: Yeah! MATT: With that, you can make an attack with that as soon as it comes out. Make a melee spell attack, please. LAURA: Okay, 17? MATT: 17 does hit. LAURA: Ooh, seven. Seven radiant damage. MATT: Seven radiant damage, nice. As it strikes down, wham! From the creature, already watching its bones and its form shakes– LAURA: Oh wait, oh wait, oh wait, I was looking at the wrong spell, hold on. Oh, 1d8 plus three! Seven plus three– Ten! MATT: Ten. Oh, that’ll be enough. You watch as it pulls back with the Infernal shouting of Mollymauk causing it to prepare itself for a lunge. As it gets low, its jaw snapping open, you watch as bits of its skin fall onto the ground as it does so (snarl). And right before it leaps, (wham) it just smashes it into the ground and its bones go flying and scattering in every which direction. ALL: Oh! TRAVIS: Is that one of the were-thingies? Damn! LAURA: That ear is mine! MATT: All right, so Beau, what are you doing? You all have one round of prep. Right now, you’ve gone– SAM: I cast a spell. Can I also move? MATT: You can move, yeah. SAM: As soon as the arrows flew by, I’m going to dash across the alley. MATT: Okay. LAURA: And I’m going to send my duplicate after her. MATT: Okay. You’re running that way? SAM: Yep. As far as I can go. MATT: All right. And you send your duplicate over there as well? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All righty. And Beau? MARISHA: I’m also going to use my speed to dash across. I can move 40. Can I peek into this window and see if I can see anything in here? MATT: Sure. Easy to see in this perspective. You glance inside– MARISHA: Stealthily? MATT: All right. As you glance inside, you can just barely see around the corner. The place is tossed. It is shattered and ruined. It looks like it was once the interior of a small tavern of some kind, but the kitchen is wrecked and you can see two of these gnolls are in the process of grabbing large sacks out of the kitchen and pulling them out through the front door on the opposite side of the building. MARISHA: Oh shit. Okay. I turn to Nott. I go– SAM: Look at two unicorns inside? MARISHA: The gnolls! SAM: They’re inside the–? MARISHA: Shh. MATT: I would like you all now to roll initiative. MARISHA: Natural 20. ALL: Whoa. MARISHA: That’s the second one of the night. SAM: Oh wait, is this an ability check? MATT: Yes, so these are with disadvantage. LAURA: Oh, really? LIAM: Oh, scheiß. MARISHA: No good? LIAM: That was worse. MARISHA: Oh no. TRAVIS: (German accent) That was worse. LIAM: That was already bad. LAURA: Initiative is an ability? MATT: It is. LAURA: Are attack rolls? SAM and MATT: No. LAURA: Okay. Did I already ask that? SAM: Nope. Don’t worry, though; I touched all your dice, so they’re going to roll great tonight. LAURA: Thanks. Thanks, Sam. TALIESIN: He may have licked a couple of them. LAURA: Can you lick this one? MATT: 25 to 20, anybody? TRAVIS: 25 to 20. MARISHA: 24. LAURA: I’m going to put it back over here. I’m going to try it. Maybe it’ll roll really well with your spit on it. TALIESIN: It’s a very pretty die. LAURA: It’s so pretty, right? MATT: 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 16. MATT: 16. All righty. 15 to ten? TALIESIN: Nine. Oh, nope, never mind, yeah. TRAVIS: Wow, guys. Wow. LIAM: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right, ten to five. TALIESIN: Nine. LAURA: Seven. LIAM and SAM: Six. MATT: Okay, so that order. TALIESIN: I want them to get a little closer anyway. They’re all far. LIAM: It’s all part of the plan. LAURA: Mm-hmm. TALIESIN: It’s going to go great. MATT: Molly, then Jester. Then Caleb? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: And Nott. LIAM: What’d you get? SAM: Six. LIAM: Oh, all together at last. MATT: All righty, so. Top of the round, as some of this has happened. The one gnoll skeletal form has shattered onto the ground. Some of the other gnolls begin to look over in that direction, and see a few of you over by the guards now, standing up and darting over the way. They’re preparing for some sort of… whatever’s coming. But first of the round is you, Beau. MARISHA: I turn to Nott. SAM: Huh!? MARISHA: Hey, you want to take these guys? You ready for this? SAM: (panicked stuttering) I’m going to drink from my flask. MARISHA: Get ready. I want them to come to this window, okay? I’m going to go (whistles) through the window. Try and get their attention. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Right there? MATT: Make a performance check. MARISHA: To whistle? Not great. Not great at all. Three. MATT: All right. The whistle has a bit of volume to it. Unfortunately, with the sound of all the breaking of furniture, them all growling at each other, and the general screams in the vicinity, it’s lost in the chaos. It’s not necessarily a quiet atmosphere to draw a guard’s attention. The gnolls don’t seem to care much for a whistle around the window. They’re more focused on grabbing and running out the front, other way, with whatever they’re taking. MARISHA: Is that my action or a bonus action? MATT: I’ll let that be like a bonus action, we’ll say. MARISHA: Bonus action. MATT: Because you were waiting for something to happen. LIAM: Mercer-ful. MARISHA: Shit. Going in! I jump through the window, and before one of them leaves, I’m going to crack them with the staff right over the head. MATT: Okay. With a 40-foot movement, that brings you– MARISHA: Can I go in through the window? MATT: You do. As you go through the window, because they’ve mostly shifted into the other room now; that’s where you see them moving. They’re not in the room that’s closest to you, so you go jump through the window, over the mass, make your way through the living room, and you watch as they’re exiting the door. You get all the way through. MARISHA: I thought it was much closer than that. MATT: Unfortunately, no. But you do manage to make it all the way to this door there. MARISHA: Oh! They’re going out the back door. I thought they were going out that way! MATT: Nope! MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Is that still what you want to do? MARISHA: That’s bad disadvantage. Fog of war. MATT: Well, here’s what you do. As you rush through to go after them, as they’re fleeing out the other side, you come to the doorway and you can see there’s one gnoll right in front of you that hasn’t noticed you rushing behind it. It’s currently throwing a corpse of one of the villagers onto a cart that’s sitting right outside of that door. That cart, which is piled up with other corpses, and bags, and whatever things they were robbing from the inside of this building that they’ve thrown onto this cart. You can now see there’s four gnolls that are gathered around it in the process of throwing things onto it, and it looks like they’re getting ready to start pushing it. They haven’t noticed your arrival, as you’ve just darted into the doorway. What are you going to do? MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to double ba– Ah, I can’t move anymore, can I? MATT: No, that was your move to get there. MARISHA: I’m going to spend a ki point and do Patient Defense. MATT: Well, as your action you can just go into it without having to spend a ki point. MARISHA: Oh, really? MATT: Because you already used your bonus action. The ki point allows you to do it as a bonus action, but you can just do it as an action any time. MARISHA: Ooh. Great, I’ll do that. MATT: You just go into the dodge action. MARISHA: I’ll just hold back and wait. MATT: Right, so you’re holding back in the doorway, and you’re ready to use the door to help defend you if it needs to. Okay, that ends Beau’s turn. It’s now their turn. TRAVIS: Oh, shit, already? Oh god. TALIESIN: Yeah, this is what was coming. MATT: They rolled really high in the initiative. TRAVIS: What are we calling these things? ALL: Gnolls. LIAM: G-N-O-L-L. MARISHA: I thought I was going to still be a lot closer to Nott. LIAM: (sings) G-N-O-L-L. LAURA: (sings) K-N-O-L-L MATT: Visibly off to the side, there is… SAM: N-O-L-L? MATT: Yeah, that’s going to be two of them firing their bow– Actually, no, three, because they watched you come out. There’s three of them that are going to be firing their bows at Beau. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: Beau, bow, Beau, and bow? LIAM: Bobobo-bo bo-bobo. MATT: They all have disadvantage on the attack, however. SAM: She’s in Patient Defense; she’s going to be fine. MATT: As this one fires off in the direction of your duplicitous form, as it disappears through. As it’s the only thing it can visually see. It’s going to stay behind the wall. That’s three attacks at disadvantage against Beau. MARISHA: And they all have disadvantage. MATT: They do. MARISHA: Because I did Patient Defense? SAM: You’re going to be fine. MATT: First one with a longbow, that’s a 15? MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Right. Misses. The first one, you watch as it just moves past you and slams into the door. The next one, from this guy up here– MARISHA: I immediately go: whoops. MATT: That’s a 12 and a two. The other one misses into the wall. This one over here is going to fire at you. That’s a 16 and a 14, plus three, 17. MARISHA: 17 is my armor class. MATT: The first two: one hits the door; the other one, you duck out of the way; and the third one comes and it’s piercing right towards your chest. It’s going to deal 2d8, seven points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to use Deflect Missiles for my reaction. MATT: Oh, right! Because you got that for your– Okay. As a reaction, you watch this one arrow that you can’t quite duck out of the way– MARISHA: (grunting exertions) MATT: All right. So go ahead and make the roll. MARISHA: But it’s not super– I’m still level three, so it’s more like a cat swat. MATT: Yeah, you’re trying to swat it and see if you can carry the momentum with it. LAURA: 20! MARISHA: That is seven on the dice, plus seven, 14. MATT: You reduce the damage to zero and you catch it. SAM: Whoa. MATT: If you want to, you can spend a ki point to throw it, if you want to. TRAVIS: Oh! Throw that shit! MARISHA: Yeah, let’s do it! Just because I can! MATT: All right, where are you throwing it to? TRAVIS: In the foot. LIAM: At the bitch who attacked you. SAM: Or the guy in front of you. MARISHA: I’m going to do it at the guy in front of me, who’s right behind me. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: So I’m going to catch it, and I’m going to spin around in a full flourish, and I’m going to just throw it like a Gambit card with the momentum that it’s got. MATT: All right, so as you grab it, you spin around and throw it. Go ahead and make the attack roll. MARISHA: What’s the attack roll? MATT: It should be your– MARISHA: What is it? I’ve never done this before! MATT: I know. This is new. MARISHA: It’s brand new! MATT: Here we go. You just make a ranged attack with it, so roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier and your proficiency modifier, so same as any of your other attacks, because it counts as a monk weapon. MARISHA: Okay, 16. MATT: 16 hits. It takes 1d8, so roll 1d8, plus two. MARISHA: Four. Four damage total. MATT: All right. I wonder, does it add your damage bonus to it, or the original weapon, because it is your strength throwing it back. Pardon me, folks, while we’re figuring out new abilities they can use. MARISHA: You make the attack with proficiency and the missile counts as a monk weapon for the attack. MATT: It is your attack, so you get to add your dex bonus. MARISHA: So six total. MATT: All right, so six points of damage. You watch as the arrow just sinks into the chest of its thick hide armor. (snarling) MARISHA: I go: Hah! Ooh. MATT: The other ones that are throwing stuff onto the cart hear this commotion and turn around and look at you. Three of them continue just throwing stuff onto the cart faster, while the one that’s immediately in front of you spins around and stands tall. You can see it looking down at you a full foot and a half, almost two feet taller than you. (snarling) It’s going to go ahead and grabs a spear off the side of the wall that it had leaning against and it’s going to try to thrust it at you. It still has disadvantage on the attack, though, because you’re in your stance. That’s 16. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: This one, as it goes and thrusts with the spear, coming off of the adrenaline of the deflected missile, you duck low, and then kick the spear up, which slams into the top of the door frame and completely misses you. He’s now stepping into the door frame, completely filling it as you’re backing up into your space, and the two of you are in this very intense, small, occupied block. MARISHA: And I go: no, seriously dude, did you see that?! TRAVIS: My legs are jumping around like crazy right now. MATT: These guys are going to begin pushing the cart and it’s going to move at half their movement to there. This one here is going to move up to here, right around the side of this wall, and it’s going to take its longbow and fire at you, because you’re the one they can see. MARISHA: That’s fair. MATT: Disadvantage. That is a 15. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: This one, actually, you see over at the fire, and you grab the front of the armor of the gnoll and pull his in front of you, and it actually hits the back of his armor, splintering it, and the smell hits you. MARISHA: I just go, excuse me for a second. Thank you. MATT: As you let him go, there’s this thick, oily, horrible liquid that’s matted in the fur, and the touch of it’s nasty. The smell itself is very acrid of rotting flesh and mangy fur. That’s going to end all those guys there, they’re pushing there. All right, that ends the gnolls’ turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Yeah, okay. With my 30 feet of movement, can I wrap around the far side of the house and just get to cover of the corner? MATT: That’s exactly where you can get. TRAVIS: Now there is an individual over there that sucks, right? MATT: Correct. You see it has a longbow and is currently reaching back and it’s pulling another arrow and getting it notched up. TRAVIS: I beg for forgiveness, I’m going to try some shit. I would like to cast– MARISHA: We’re all trying some shit, it’s okay. TRAVIS: Crown of Madness. (cheering) MATT: All righty, so what’s the save on that one? TRAVIS: It is wisdom saving throw, I believe, let me double-check. Yeah, wisdom saving throw. MATT: No, that’s an eight. I’m pretty sure that does not hit. TRAVIS: So he becomes charmed, and a jagged crown of iron appears around his head, and madness glows in its eye. MATT: That’s concentration, correct? TRAVIS: Yes, it is. MATT: I’m putting a concentration circle on you. All righty, the charmed target must use its action before moving each of its turns to make a melee attack against a creature other than itself you mentally choose. So it has to be a melee attack. TRAVIS: Oh, melee. Fucking shit, I saw the bows. Damn the words in this book! MATT: That’s okay. (laughter) TRAVIS: But I can make him move towards something, right? MATT: That you can. TRAVIS: Okay, good. I’m going to have him climb up on that roof and attack that other fucking gnoll that’s up on that son of a bitch. MATT: Okay. Since it has to use its action before its movement, you watch as it looks up at the top of the roof, (snarling) and leaps up, climbs, scampers up to the side, and gets right up into base to base with this guy, confusing the other gnoll, who looks down at it, like it’s about to help him, and it doesn’t seem to notice there’s any sort of threat there, but it can’t make an attack on this round. TRAVIS: That’s fair. Can I use my bonus action to use my Mask of Many Faces to make myself look like a gnoll? No, they’re taller. They’re too tall. MATT: Well, they’re medium, they’re not– TRAVIS: Two feet taller, I can only do a foot taller or shorter. MATT: It’s cutting it close, you’d look like a small gnoll. TRAVIS: I’d like to do it. LAURA: A teeny gnoll. MARISHA: He’s the runt. MATT: You are visible to a number of gnolls in this courtyard. You don’t have any movement to back away from that edge, unfortunately. TRAVIS: I was hoping to just be– Because I can’t see that far– to be right here to hit the only guy that could see me on the ground there. MATT: Right, but you’re right on the corner, that’s how you were able to see him and send him this way. TRAVIS: The guy on the roof can see me as well? MATT: Yeah, they can both see you. Just so you know. The rest of them probably can’t, but you transform yourself into a gnoll-like appearance. All right. Does that end your turn? TRAVIS: That is it. MATT: All righty. In the back of the alleyway, one of the gnolls stands thicker, more angry, and more ornate than the rest of the pack. You see heavy scale mail armor across the torso, and a large helmet across its head. You look as thick spines about a foot and a half to two feet long are woven into the scales themselves off the shoulders, the back of the helmet, and the sides of the armor. They look natural, as opposed to metal, like long, bony spines that are put onto it, both as an ornate adornment, or possibly just a means of defense and to look scary. It begins barking and steps forward, giving motions to some of the other gnolls, and the ones that are on the cart continue pushing it, as it steps forward– LAURA: Oh no. MATT: To there. TRAVIS: I should have used it on that fucker. MATT: It’s going to go ahead and use– SAM: Is that a crownsguard? LAURA: No, he’s like a Grandmaster gnoll. SAM: No, the guy next to him. LAURA: Oh. I feel like that’s a zombie gnoll. MATT: It’s going to use Incite Rampage. SAM: Oof, what does that mean? MATT: It looks over towards the one that’s right next to Beau and goes, (snarling). The one that’s in the middle of the area with you hears that, grins, and then gets an extra attack against you, with disadvantage. And a four. That defense is helping you out. It goes to strike again, and as it comes out with its claw, it’s putting its spear to the side. MARISHA: I do a little duck. MATT: It misses you entirely. That’s going to end its turn at the moment. Then it goes to the guards on this end. These guards are going to fan out. TRAVIS: (raspy voice) Hey, come on, let’s go. MATT: Then they dart back around this way. They’re going to find a corner next to you, Jester, and take a shot at the gnoll that’s up on the roof, next to the one that you have charmed. Shit, that’s going to miss. Five plus five. He fires and it goes wide, you see it vanish into the rising cloud of embers and flame. That’s going to end the guards’ turn. They’re getting around and preparing for the next round to shoot a volley. LAURA: I pat him on the shoulder and say: don’t worry, nobody saw that. MATT: They glance over their shoulder and is like, “Shh!” Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a run. Am I going to do this? Am I going to be this idiot? Yeah, let’s be an idiot. I’m going to take a run to try to get cover at the other house. I’m going to try to run across the alleyway. MATT: This way? TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: Dashy-dash? TALIESIN: Dashy-dash. MATT: (counting) It will put you at about there. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: But that’s your round. TALIESIN: That’s my round. I just (zooming). MATT: Cool. All righty. That ends Molly’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okie dokie. I’m going to send my duplicate out against the wall on this house. MATT: Over here? LAURA: Yeah. Against that wall. She can go up to 30 feet. And I’m going to run across– MATT: That space? LAURA: Yeah, can I get against the wall further in? Yeah, right there, that’s good. MATT: Okay. That’s your turn? You still have an action. LAURA: Oh yeah, I’m going to use my bonus action– MATT: You currently cannot see anything for it to attack. You need to be able to see a target for it to attack something. So you’d have to be either further out. You can do it as part of your movement, as you run across, make it move and attack, and then continue back– LAURA: As I’m running, can I use my spiritual weapon and– MATT: Can you move it 20 feet? LAURA: I think it’s 30 feet. Let’s see. 20 feet. You’re right, I’m sorry. 20 feet. MATT: Which direction? LAURA: Towards the giant guy and hit him! MATT: Make a roll. LAURA: Hit him with the rock! 15. MATT: 15 unfortunately does not hit. LAURA: Boo! MATT: It just misses, you watch as the shield comes up and deflects the large glowing mace of a lollipop. Then you continue the rest of your movement to dart behind the building. At this point, you’ve all pretty much shown your cards that you’re here and part of this fight. You’re the only one who’s up in the air. LAURA: For my action, can I still see my duplicate around the corner right there? MATT: Correct. LAURA: She is going to cast– MATT: Well, you would be able to as you’re running. LAURA: Okay. She is going to use the cantrip Sacred Flame! MATT: Against? LAURA: Against the same big guy! MATT: These would be things you would have done before you ran across. LAURA: Yes, basically yes, that’s what I did. Technically I did this before I moved. MATT: Just letting you know that usually you have to do that as part of your movement. Dexterity saving throw. That is a 12. LAURA: Good! He has to beat 13! It hits him! MATT: It takes 1d8 points of radiant damage. LAURA: Yes it does! Four. MATT: After the shield deflects the lollipop, the flash of radiant energy burns across the armor and the torso. Instinctively it puts up the shield to try and deflect the blow from the eyes. (screeches) Looks out and doesn’t see where it came from, but it’s singed a little. That ends Jester’s turn, Caleb and Nott, you’re up. LIAM: Yeah okay, I will move along the table over here to this spot. LAURA: Well, that’s one method to be able to reach. LIAM: I think I have a clear view of the big gnoll, correct? From there? MATT: The big one? You do. LIAM: I mutter a few arcane words under my breath and a circle of flame spins around my hand and three beams of fire shoot out towards this big guy. I cast Scorching Ray. Each one is a separate attack. First one is a 16. MATT: 16 hits. LIAM: Second one is also a 16, the third one is a 17. MATT: All three hit. LIAM: So 6d6 on him. SAM: 6d6? LIAM: Because they all hit. That’s four, six– TRAVIS: What dice are you rolling there, big guy? LIAM: Nine. That’s the six? TRAVIS: No, your d20, which one was it? LIAM: This one. LAURA: That’s the Grog one. LIAM: Oh, thank you. (counting) That’s a total of 19 fire damage on him. MATT: 19 points of fire damage. As the three beams arc out and blast, you see as the large gnoll, who seems to be a pack lord or leader of some kind, sees this coming. Tries to put the shield up, but all three blast into its armor. You watch as flames burn out of it suddenly. As it withdraws and takes a step back– (grows and howls) It just looks angry. It looks hurt a little bit, but mostly angry. LIAM: I probably have ten feet of movement which I would like to use to move back to where I was and try to not hyperventilate against the back of this building. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Dead center. Yeah. Okay. Good. MATT: Good to know. LAURA: I like that you’re facing the wall so it looks like– LIAM: No, I’m like this. I’m doing this. MATT: Nott, you’re up. SAM: Nott’s going to poke her head into the window where Beau is inside. Beau is within a few feet of a baddie, right? I’m going to shoot the baddie next to Beau. 15. MATT: 15, that doesn’t– oh wait, for a regular gnoll that just hits, barely. ALL: Regular gnoll! (laughter) TRAVIS: That’s all I heard! SAM: Nine points, that’s including sneak attack damage. Plus fury of the small, so 11 points of damage. MATT: Well, it’s your level, right? You went up a level so technically– SAM: Ten points of– wait, what did I say? Nine? 12! Thank you. MATT: 12 points of damage. As this gnoll is in the process of slamming through the front doorway, the doorway has been bashed inward on each side and Beau is in the process of dodging and weaving and getting out of the way. You find one opening and fire your crossbow bolt. It goes through the window, through the doorway bisecting the two different rooms and straight under the clavicle near the heart section of it. As it pierces in, (screams) and it coughs up a bunch of blood onto the front of its hide armor. It’s not dead, but it’s pretty hurt. That was a pretty nasty blow. SAM: Movement, I will use to climb up into the second floor window. That’s not me. The one next to your right. There you go. MATT: Go ahead and make an athletics check. SAM: That was good, but it’s disadvantage. That’s better. Athletics. It’s a straight ten. MATT: Ten is exactly what you needed. That was the DC to get up onto the second floor. As you come up into the second floor, you immediately climb and leap up through the window into a chamber that is filled with roaring flame. SAM: (screams) MATT: Trying to avert your gaze, the heat is pressing into you. There’s a table that’s on fire, most of the roof has been burned away. There’s beams that have fallen. You’re like, “This was a "bad idea!” SAM: I say: This is fine! (laughter) SAM: Can I use my dash? Was that all my movement? MATT: No, that was your movement to get up there and you could use your bonus action if you’d like to. SAM: Okay, I’ll use a bonus action to get– Is towards the window less fiery? MATT: It’s still burning, but you’re going to have to leap over the flames to get there. SAM: Sure. MATT: I’ll say make an acrobatics check to try and leap over parts of broken– SAM: It was two threes. MATT: You make it across. You leap onto the first beam and it breaks. You’re like “Ah, that burns!” You leap again onto the next one, “Ah, that burns too!” Eventually, you get over there. Your boots are on fire, and you’re having to pat them out real fast. You suffer five points of fire damage getting across the room. SAM: Rough. MATT: But you are in an area where it seems it’s just embers, and most of the flame is catching behind you for the moment. You get the sense that it might begin to spread in the next minute or so, but at this point, you’re not immediately in the threat of flame and you have a look down into the entirety of the courtyard with a little bit of cover. In fact, it would be considered half cover up in here. SAM: Half cover. I’m done. Hey, look at that, it’s me in the window. MATT: At which point, you can see the skeletal gnolls that are out there all at once turn and begin shambling forward. There’s one this way that begins to run up and take a swing at your duplicitous form, before striking out with no effect. This one spins and comes up into Beau and then there’s one that emerges from– LAURA: I’m going to point out I’ve been doing it wrong because I was thinking of my duplicate as like Trinket was, which had movement the same as me, and it is a bonus action to move my duplicate, which I did not realize. I’m going to stop doing that. MATT: That’s okay, we learn what the new abilities do. LAURA: Yeah, I just looked it up and I’m sorry. MATT: That’s all good. SAM: So your duplicate is somehow less useful than Trinket? Is that what you’re saying? (laughter) LIAM: She doesn’t give a shit about that bear. MATT: Out of the doorway here, another one of them bursts through and runs to the back and sees the direction where Jester is in the process of glancing over to the side. LAURA: Oh! That’s real me! MATT: It uses its action to charge up into combat with you. It can’t actually make an attack this turn, but it’s right up to you. Its gaping, vacuous skull, open sockets, trying to bear down on you. That’s going to end their go, except for the one that’s striking at you, Beau. TALIESIN: There’s one on the roof still, too. MATT: Well, that’s not one of the skeletal ones. That’s going to be, with disadvantage, 17 to hit. MARISHA: 17 hits. MATT: 17 hit. It bites out towards you with its broken toothy jaws and you suffer six points of piercing damage as the jaws clamp down on your forearm and you’re like “Oh god!” It’s pushing now to try to find the space next to the larger gnoll and they’re both currently blocking the doorway from your escape. MARISHA: I’m doing the animal control thing and be like: No, no, bad. MATT: Which, by the way, top of the round. Beau, your go. MARISHA: My go, okay. Let me put these hit points in. Apply changes. LAURA: This makes my duplicate way less fun if I can’t move her. TALIESIN: You get bonus actions all the time. LAURA: That’s my spiritual weapon. SAM: She may move if you move away from her 30 feet; she may just come with you. LAURA: 120 feet. SAM: Oh shit. But you can leave her out in the open. LAURA: Yeah, at least she’s directing fire. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to do something creative. I’m going to take the arrow that Nott just fired into the guy’s chest. I’m going to grab it. Can I rip it out with my off-hand, spin around, and stab him back in the blade? MATT: Awesome, go ahead and roll for your main attack. MARISHA: God blessed fuck. That’s not good. That’s a ten. MATT: You pull it out. There’s a horrible pained yelp as you yank it out. As you spin around and attempt to slam it into its back, its giant, thick gnoll arm slams into the door frame and blocks your ability to pass forward. You get caught over its arm and have to withdraw. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to take my other off-hand attack on the one that just bit down on me. I’m going to rip from it and elbow crack it right in the nose. MATT: The one that just bit you? All right, go for it. MARISHA: Damn it. That’s 11. MATT: 11? 11 doesn’t hit unfortunately. Lot of whiffing on both sides when it comes around Beau, but as you attempt to strike out with the elbow, it does strike its skull, and its jaw unhinges and snaps it back into place. MARISHA: Shit, that was my bonus action, wasn’t it? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: I can’t use a ki point, can I? MATT: As a bonus action, you can use a ki point to do two as your bonus if you have it. Flurry of Blows. MARISHA: I was wanting to do a ki point to do Patient Defense again. MATT: No, you used your bonus action, sorry. You want to move or you want to stay where you are? MARISHA: Yeah, can I back up into the house and close the door? MATT: The door frame is pretty banged up, you can try. You can certainly try. MARISHA: Sure! MATT: Taking a step back, one has spears, so you’re still in its melee range as you try and close the door. They’ll both get attacks of opportunity on you if you do that. MARISHA: No, I’ll stay. MATT: Okay, so you stay there holding your position. That ends Beau’s turn. The gnolls go. Before we do anything, the one that’s right next to the guy on the wall, what do you want it to do? TRAVIS: Melee, so if he has a weapon or anything, hit him. If not, just knock him the fuck off the roof. MATT: He has a spear or you can make a shove, up to you. TRAVIS: Spear! MATT: All right, so the spear attack, it’s going to, as it climbs to the top and lunges out with its arm. Go ahead and make an attack roll for me. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. Plus anything? MATT: It is plus five. TRAVIS: That’s a 20. MATT: Sorry, plus four. TRAVIS: That’s a 19. MATT: 19 definitely hits. Go ahead and roll 1d6 damage plus two. Two hands technically, so that would be 1d8. Sorry. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s much better. Nine. MATT: Nine. Nein! It jams the spear with both hands into its friend and the gnoll yelps and grabs it and pulls it out and looks at it confused and angry. Trying to figure out what exactly happened. As it does so, it’s going to attempt to shove it off the wall that just hit it. Make a roll for the athletics check of the other gnoll. TRAVIS: Adding my modifier or its? MATT: Its modifier. TRAVIS: 16 plus? MATT: 16 plus two. It beat it. It rolled a 17. After it gets stabbed and looks back at the gnoll that you took control and Sparta-kicks it off of the edge of the roof. It slides and tumbles down, landing onto the ground prone right next to Molly. It does suffer one point of falling damage. Molly, you watch as it tumbles and hits the dirt next to you and it’s like (groans). You watch as this mystical crown of weird iron horns are floating above its head. TALIESIN: Is this–? MATT: That takes up his turn. This guy’s going to move forward and advance. This is unfortunate for Beau, partially. This one is going to fire at Beau. This one actually can see Nott and this one is going to take a shot at Nott as well. So one attack against you, Beau, from that gnoll there. That’s going to be 11, misses. It actually hits the wall and embeds itself into the side of the door frame. The two attacking you, Nott– You do have partial cover on these guys. Half cover will be plus two bonus to AC. The first one is going to be a 20. SAM: Hits. MATT: The second one is a natural two. The one that does hit you, you suffer nine points of piercing damage. A lot of nines tonight! As the arrow suddenly arcs upward and hits you right in the side of the jaw and carves through part of your neck that way before it exits out the other side. You have this big gash on the side. It doesn’t quite hit the jugular, thankfully, but it is pretty messy as you are starting to bleed down the side of your neck. LAURA: Isn’t she harder to hit because she’s so little? MATT: Yeah, but that one had some decent aim. These guys here continue to push forward that way and they’re going to use their other action to push forward. This guy is going to go ahead and throw another body up onto this as the other one’s pushing it. They don’t get quite as far because one of them stopped pushing, but they’re getting to the edge of the map. The one that’s snarling there is watching them vanish behind. This guy around the edge is going to, let’s see. Seeing you yelp up in the window, he’s going to take a shot at you. Beau’s currently being dealt with two of them and you’re up in the flames right now. That is going to be a 15, which I do not believe hits. SAM: No. MATT: This one strikes the ember wood on the outside and breaks through, but it only comes partially out and is embedded, missing you by an inch. That finishes the gnolls’ turn, I believe. Oh, this guy is going to turn and take a swing at Beau with a spear, two hands. That is a 16. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: 16 misses. It swings out and you actually catch the spear off to the side and you’re now in a strength tug of war with its own weapon as it’s– MARISHA: My stick! Mine! Drop it! Bad! Do you want to play or not? MATT: Ending their go, it goes to Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: Crown of Madness piece of shit. Can I go ahead and send, using my action to maintain it, can I send that stupid ass back up the roof? MATT: Let me double-check something. TALIESIN: The damage may have– TRAVIS: Knocked it out. No! MATT: I don’t know if that’s the case. It’s not just that. It already moved on its turn, it takes its turn, you have to spend your action to maintain the spell, so it won’t do anything on your turn. So either you continue to maintain the spell, and then next turn it’s still under your control, or you do whatever you want– LAURA: Or you drop it because he’s prone and Molly will get super advantage on hitting him. SAM: Super advantage! TALIESIN: Yeah, I don’t know what the crown is. TRAVIS: Fuck it, I’ll drop it and I’ll come into the street, down the way 30 feet. But I look like a gnoll. TALIESIN: Concentration’s gone. MATT: Oh, that’s right. Thank you. TRAVIS: But I still look like a gnoll. MATT: Yes, you do. TRAVIS: That will be my turn. MATT: All righty, are you holding your action to do anything? TRAVIS: I guess, because I dropped it, I have it. MATT: You have your action because you didn’t maintain the spell. TRAVIS: With my action, I’m going to cast Hexblade’s Curse on that big son of a bitch. MATT: This guy? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: I believe it’s a bonus action to do that, isn’t it? TRAVIS: It is. MATT: So you still have your action. TALIESIN: You could even make it to get into his face. TRAVIS: With my action, I will Eldritch Blast from where I am. MATT: Go for it, make the attack roll. TRAVIS: Thank you. Skadoosh. It’s a 15 plus six, 21. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Amazing, 1d10. (counting) Sorry, I should’ve looked at this beforehand. 14. MATT: 14 points of damage. As you rush up, you watch as this squatter gnoll saunters out in the middle, points to the seeming leader of this cluster, and as it does, the soot and ash from the ground begins to affix itself around the inside of its armor, holding it in place for the moment. With the other hand holding the suddenly appearing barnacle-studded blade, you unleash this blast of eldritch energy that slams into the center of the armor. You watch as the energy courses through all of the crevices between the scales that are overlapping. As it fades, you watch as this bit of steam and blood come out of its mouth, and it turns right to you, its head turning, it spits a cluster. TRAVIS: (yipping) MATT: We’ll get to that. That’s your turn? TRAVIS: That’s it. MATT: Okay, it’s his turn now. Now it– (shrieks and growls) (laughter) MATT: And goes running and rushes up towards you. You watch as previously it just had this large pole on its back? It pulls it and brings it loose as you see a large two-handed glaive come swooping, which doesn’t actually– it can get to there and still hit you because of its reach. As it runs forward, it brings it down. It’s going to multi-attack you twice with it. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: First one is going to be a 21 to hit? TRAVIS: Oh, that’ll hit. MATT: And a 17 to hit. TRAVIS: Both hit. MATT: Both hit. All right. TRAVIS: That’s okay, I’ve got the armor. It deals damage when you hit me. LIAM and LAURA: Ooh. MATT: That is eight points of slashing damage on the first hit. Wham! As the large polearm– the axe-like hooked blade at the end of it. You can see the same spines that are on its armor are affixed to the edge of it. As it slams down towards you, the armor bursts, this cold energy that– how much damage does he take? TRAVIS: I got ten temporary hit points at second level, so he takes eight points of cold damage. MATT: Slick. Second strike? He rolled a one. That is going to be four points of slashing damage for the second strike. TRAVIS: So he’ll take two points of cold damage and I’ll take the other two points. MATT: Nice. MARISHA: You have so many fun gadgets! MATT: Oh! He does get back his Incite Rampage. At which point, he’s going to go ahead and glance over towards the gnoll that is– hmm. SAM: The grassy gnoll? MATT: The grassy gnoll, yes. Thank you, Sam. TRAVIS: Thank you, Sam. MATT: All right, yeah. The only one that they can currently see that’s in melee range at the moment, because the wall’s there, is going to be the one next to Beau. SAM: No, really. Thank you, Sam. MATT: Sincerely. So after it strikes you twice with the glaive, bits of ice shards spray off with each blow now affixing to the ash and the energy that’s instilled this armor after you blasted it. It looks over to the one right in front of Beau and goes (growls and snarls) and it glances over its shoulder, and with renewed strength, pulls the spear free from your grasp and goes for another strike against you as a reaction. MARISHA: Bad dog. MATT: That is going to be a 19 to hit. MARISHA: How much? MATT: 19. MARISHA: That one hits. SAM: How many are engaged with you right now? MATT: Two. MARISHA: Three? Two? LAURA: She’s so wanted. MATT: That’s going to be seven points of piercing damage. LIAM: Apologies to my friend. MATT: All righty, that’s going to end his turn and the guards back here are going to come forward and– TRAVIS: Oh, let’s go this way! MATT: They’re both going to fire at the one on the rooftop. SAM, TRAVIS, and TALIESIN: Hey! LAURA: (laughter) And a miss and a miss! MATT: First one’s a miss. Second one is a 16. That hits. SAM: Hey! MATT: It’s an eight plus two so that’s ten points of damage. Based on the Crown of Madness damage it took earlier, the spear’s enough to finish it off. You watch as on the top, it goes and draws an arrow and pulls it back, looking down at you as you’re down in the square. Then one of the guards pulls its crossbow and (shrieks) it stumbles back and falls dead on the ground. TRAVIS: Here we go. MATT: That ends that one, the other guard over there. They’re going to go ahead and move up the side and step out now that it seems to be opening and is going to fire towards the skeletal gnoll that is currently in the process of harassing the image that as far as they’re concerned is just Jester. It’s going to be– yeah, that hits. Without issue. TALIESIN: I’m not used to melee combat. This is so terrifying. LAURA: Yeah, right? TRAVIS: Get up in that. TALIESIN: I don’t want to get up in that. TRAVIS: Get a whole bunch of stank right in your face. MATT: Pulls out the heavy crossbow and fires and does 11 points of damage, which is enough to shatter the skeletal gnoll witherling. As it falls to the ground and breaks into a scattered pile of bone bits and dried gnoll flesh. That ends the guards’ turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to stab this thing that just fell right in front of me. Just going to stab it. MATT: It is prone, so I believe you have advantage against it. Yep! With each attack. TALIESIN: Question about Rite of the Dawn, is it just plus three or is it just my wisdom or is it also a–? MATT: Wisdom bonus is against undead creatures. TALIESIN: Okay, this is not an undead creature. MATT: It is not. There are undead creatures among the pack, but there are none there. It’s just straight Rite damage. TALIESIN: So it’s just an extra 1d4. Okay, just checking. That’s how that works. Okay, cool. See if I hit? Thank you. 13? MATT: 13 unfortunately misses. The first strike– TALIESIN: Oh my god. MATT: As you swing down onto the ground, it scrambles about and pulls its shield up just in time. Your blade catches the edge, embeds itself an inch into its rear. TALIESIN: I hit it with the other one. MATT: You use your one blade to push the shield off to the side as it’s still there, and trying to jam downward. Go for it. TRAVIS: Definitely hit. TALIESIN: Come on. Oh, thank God. 21. MATT: 21 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: (chanting) Level three! Level three! TALIESIN: So that’s nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage. You manage to jam underneath and hit it in the chest. It shrieks with pain and pushes the blade out of its body with a sheer flexing of its muscle. It begins to try and get up off the ground. It’s hurt, but it’s still standing or about to be standing in a moment. You can move if you’d like to. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s right. I can break combat with it. It doesn’t matter, right? At this point? Or does it get an attack of opportunity? MATT: It does get an attack of opportunity, but it has disadvantage on him. TALIESIN: There’s no way I can circle up onto the wall, is there? MATT: Onto the wall? TALIESIN: Yeah. Get a little vantage on him. MATT: You could. TALIESIN: I want to be able to hop on because I want to head that direction afterwards. All right. MATT: You get up onto the wall. TALIESIN: And that way, if he tries to run or do anything, I can futz with him. MATT: Cool, that’s fine. Molly, your turn is over. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Yay! I’m going to run away from this guy that’s next to me. I’m going to run out into the alley so I can see people. MATT: This way? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: As you rush out, it takes a swing attack of opportunity towards you. This is going to be with a club. It has a heavy wooden club and it makes a giant arc towards you as you speed away. That is 19 to hit. LAURA: Can I use a reaction on that? MATT: You can, yeah. LAURA: I’m going to say “I am rubber and you are glue” and use Hellish Rebuke on him. In Infernal. MATT: All right. Well, first, the club hits you and you take five points of bludgeoning damage. LAURA: Okay. MATT: As you turn around, you say that at him and unleash your Hellish Rebuke. He has to make a constitution saving throw, I believe it is, right? LAURA: Maybe. Hold on. SAM: You have to save first. LAURA: I’m applying my changes to my health. SAM: Now close out of that. LAURA: This is so much! MATT: It has to make a constitution save– No, that’s dexterity saving throw, which it does not make. It’s seven. So it suffers 2d10 cold damage. So how much did you deal? LAURA: Oh, 2d10. Okay. Nine. ALL: Nine. TALIESIN: This is becoming a thing. LIAM: So sorry, guys. There you go. MATT: As you dart away, you release your fury and anger, and you watch as suddenly this blast of cold water and ice energy burst out of its body. The inside of its somewhat cavernous ribcage is now filled with frost crystals, jutting out and breaking parts of the ribs. It looks heavily damaged, but still standing. LAURA: Ooh, chilly! MATT: All righty. SAM: You still have your action, right? LAURA: I know, and my bonus action! MATT: Yeah. LAURA: So for my bonus action, I’m going to send my lollipop towards the giant guy and try to hit him. At the same time, I’m going to cast– What am I going to cast? Radiant– No, Guiding Bolt! MATT: Okay. LAURA: With, you know, I’m going to do a little flourish, like pink energy comes out. MATT: All right. Go ahead and make your spell attack. LAURA: Okay. Spell attack? Ooh, that’s good. That’s a 19 plus five. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: That’s new dice, man. LAURA: Yes, yes, yes. SAM: I touched one. LAURA: You didn’t touch these ones. SAM: That’s why they rolled so shit. LAURA: Six, eight, nine radiant. ALL: Nine! MATT: What’s up with the nines? It’s getting ridiculous. TRAVIS: CritRoleStats is going– (clicking). MATT: Yep. LIAM: We’re losing subscribers in Europe right now. LAURA: That’s radiant damage, and then the Spiritual Weapon– MATT: All right. Guiding Bolt: the next attack against it has advantage. LAURA: Oh, good. Then the Spiritual Weapon will have advantage. Great! LIAM: Halt den Mund! LAURA: Oh, good. So that’s 20. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage for Spiritual Weapon. TRAVIS: Nice! LAURA: Where’s my eight? Six plus three is nine! ALL: Nine! MATT: This is absurd, guys. This is absurd. All righty, does that end your turn? LAURA: Oh, I’m going to use the rest of my movement to run over and try to get behind this wall. MATT: You’re from over there, that’s (counting) 20, you have ten more feet. You can get there. LAURA: That’ll work. I was going to go to the brick wall. MATT: Oh, the brick wall. You’ll get up onto it. LAURA: Yeah, sure, why not? MATT: It’s considered rough terrain, so you technically can’t get all the way on the other side. You climb up onto it. That finishes your turn. As you finish blasting with the Guiding Bolt, at the same time as it slams and sparkles you watch as the lollipop clubs down onto the back of its head. That ends your turn. Caleb, Nott, you’re up. LIAM: Okay. I start moving back towards the same vantage point I had before and I see Jester above me, and I see a guy over there covered in ice, and I whip around and the diamond comes up and I go (sizzling) and I was about to make it acid, but there’s ice everywhere so it’s ice now. Chromatic Orb off to the big guy in the middle of town square, yeah. MATT: Go ahead and make the attack roll. LIAM: It misses entirely. MATT: It spins and hits the ground. You watch as ice crawls up the side of the building. I will say it does manage to put out part of the fire that is currently burning the building. MARISHA: You did a good thing here. You did good today. TALIESIN: You made lemonade. Way to make some lemonade. MARISHA: You just got the participation trophy. LIAM: Then I use the rest of my movement to press my back against the wall and go nein, nein, nein. MATT: As you move out, where are you at now? LIAM: Still behind the same building. MATT: You dart out and fire, and then back. All righty. That ends your turn. Nott! SAM: Just a little perspective here. The gnolls pushing away the cart, how many are there? And what are they–? MATT: There are currently three that are gathered around it and in the process of pushing it. They’re getting momentum as it’s going. SAM: No obvious weak points on the cart or anything? MATT: Make a perception check. It will take your bonus action to do so. MARISHA: Take out a wheel! SAM: It’s going to take my bonus action to do so? Then I will not look at the cart. TALIESIN: It will move slower if we kill them. SAM: I’m sure it will, but I don’t know if I could kill one in one shot. Instead I will, using my goblin feet claws, just dig in and I’m going to go upside down so I can see into where Beau is and shoot one of the ones next to her. LAURA: You can do that?! SAM: I don’t know! MATT: As you dig in and hang down, you watch as your hood and hair hangs upside down. You pull the crossbow down. The tension of the bolt is holding it in, thankfully, otherwise it would just fall from its upside down standpoint, and you fire! You can go ahead and make a strike. Technically you have two that you’re in view of here, they both have three-quarters cover because of the nearby door and the angle. SAM: The ones next to her? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Ugh. Well, I got to hit them. MATT: Which one are you shooting? The skeletal one or the–? SAM: The one that I hit before. MATT: Okay, so that one. Go for it. SAM: That is 17. MARISHA: I think that hits, right? MATT: 17 would hit if it didn’t have three-quarters cover, which gives a plus five bonus to AC. MARISHA: Oh, poopers! MATT: Unfortunately, it’s just the large part of the door frame in the way, there’s Beau in the way, and there’s a lot going on in that moment. As you go and fire it just zips past and slams into part of the now broken door that’s coming off the hinges. TALIESIN: Man, I hate level three. SAM: Cool. I’m going to go pop back up to the top floor, and use my bonus action to hide. MATT: All righty. Go ahead and make a stealth check. SAM: Nope. Ten. MATT: You get down low, but your hood and hair are now frizzed and poking out the side. That ends your turn, Nott. This one is going to rush forward, pursuing Jester. That one is going to attempt to continue to whale on Beau. That’s going to be a 15 against Beau. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Misses, you just duck out of the way as it tries to bite you and slam your elbow onto its snout, knocking it out of the way. Just holding on, holding off in this doorway. The one that runs up towards you is going to attempt to hit you again with a club. That is going to be a 19. Again. LAURA: Ugh! MATT: Oh that’s a d4, sorry. That’s six points of bludgeoning damage. Whack! As the club hits you in the back of the head as you’re just climbing over the top of the wall. You have to catch yourself from tumbling face first into the dirt on the other side. You manage to catch your footing on top of the wall. But it’s now up, and in combat with both you and the guard from earlier. That ends their turn. Top of the round, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Oh god, okay. I’m going to taste a little bit of blood that’s now in my mouth, get real fucking pissed off, and I’m going to do a Star Wars-style flourish and go crack down to the new guy. MATT: The skeletal one? There’s a skeletal one, and there’s the one that’s been fighting you this whole time. MARISHA: Which one looks like he has less damage? MATT: The skeletal one hasn’t been damaged yet, but it looks a little more fragile. The one that got shot by Nott earlier still has the big– MARISHA: Let’s do the skeletal guy. MATT: Go for it. Do the attack. MARISHA: Not good at all. 14. MATT: That hits. Doesn’t have as strong an armor class as the other one. MARISHA: Okay. Eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. That one’s already been damaged previously. As you bring the staff down with both hands, whack, you slam right through the center of its chest and clavicle. You watch as the torso breaks and folds from the weight of the blow. The skull tumbles off and hits the ground, and it falls into a pile of bones and rags. MARISHA: I’m going to use my bonus action. With that momentum, I’m going to stick the staff in the ground, and use that to lift myself up and do a two-footer kick into the other guy. MATT: Go for it. Single attack? MARISHA: Let’s do Flurry of Blows. MATT: All right, so this is your third ki point? MARISHA: Nope, this is my second. MATT: Right, because you did the– No, because you did flurry earlier, didn’t you? MARISHA: I did, but I did it as an action, not on a bonus action, and you said I didn’t have to use a ki point. MATT: No, a Flurry of Blows, I thought. MARISHA: I did Patient Defense, I did one Flurry of Blows– MATT: You did the dodge action, as an action, which doesn’t take any ki points. You spent one doing a Flurry of Blows earlier. MARISHA: I spent one doing deflect, and then one to do Flurry of Blows. MATT: This is your third one. MARISHA: No. This is the second one. This is the first Flurry of Blows I’m doing. MATT: I’m sorry, that’s what I was asking, my confusion. Cool, so go for it. MARISHA: Shit, I don’t remember. This was what I rolled, right? Okay, not good. Ten. MATT: Ten against him? Nope. As you kick both feet forward, one hits and skims off the shoulder. The other? MARISHA: The other is okay. 15. MATT: 15 just hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: (singing) Pour some sugar on him. MARISHA: Seven. MATT: Seven points of damage? All righty, based on the damage that you had sustained earlier and the blows from earlier, as you strike him with the other foot, you snap the side of his jaw, which breaks out. As he stumbles backward, you take the back of the staff and crack up underneath the jaw, snapping the neck the rest of the way, and it falls to the ground, no longer moving. You still have your movement. MARISHA: Now I’m going to look around, and I’m going to step back and into the house for just a minute. SAM: Into the house? TALIESIN: This is fine. MARISHA: This is fine. Just so I have cover. Right in the doorway. TRAVIS: Just going to take a quick timeout. MARISHA: Quick timeout. SAM: There’s a really loud ticking clock in the room with you. MARISHA: You hear a (faint scream) in the distance. MATT: With that, this gnoll is going to stand up. Molly’s on the wall. TALIESIN: I know, I’m being an asshole. MATT: It’s okay. Stands up. TALIESIN: Man, I’m normally the one with shaky hands. MATT: That’s more because these walls are not the most sturdy. There you go. Stands up to you. This one is going to step forward into the way. This one is going to join in there. Those three now in visual range. These two are both going to take shots at Jester. This one’s going to take a shot at Fjord. Two longbows aiming in your direction. That’s a 20 and a natural one. The second one misses. You suffer eight points of piercing damage as the arrow sinks right into your torso, right in the stomach area, and pierces through. You catch it with your hand, but it’s still a few inches into your actual midsection. Then there’s the one over here that turned around and sees you now engaging with the current pack leader. TRAVIS: But I’m a gnoll! Ah! MATT: That’s a 15. TRAVIS: I’m just confused, that hits. MATT: That’s going to be six points of piercing damage. This one now slams into the side of your knee, and hits the meaty part, so thankfully it’s not locked in the bone or any of the joint, but it hits you in the side and you buckle to that side from the pain. TRAVIS: Understood. MATT: This guy over here is going to leap down and begin helping push the cart. ALL: No! MATT: With that, the cart pushes another full 40 feet and is currently off of the board. Let me mark it over here. MARISHA: How do we feel about the cart? LAURA: We got to get the cart! SAM: I can take a shot at the cart, but what is one arrow going to do? TALIESIN: We can take out people pushing it. MATT: That finishes the gnolls’ turn there. Oh, there’s the one that’s attacking Molly. It’s going to take its spear and attempt to two-hand strike at you. That is cocked. TALIESIN: Does he have a spear? I thought he had a bow. Oh, he’s got both. MATT: 13 to hit, which I don’t think hits. TALIESIN: No, it does not hit. MATT: You, on the wall, dance off the way, leap as it goes up. All right, and I believe that’s all the gnolls immediately in the vicinity that are in combat. That ends the gnolls’ turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Yeah, great, awesome, sweet. Can I use Eldritch Blast against the big fucking guy, because he didn’t get any closer for a melee attack, right? MATT: You’re still within his attack range, because he has the glaive. You do have disadvantage on Eldritch Blast. TRAVIS: Oh. Imma fucking move out of his attack range. Does that give him attack of opportunity? ALL: Yes. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m doing that anyway. I’m going to move back towards the corner where I was going. MATT: Right there? TRAVIS: No, all the way back. Back towards my original hiding place. MATT: You pull back to the corner there. As you pull back, he takes a step forward and reaches out with the glaive to try and strike you. SAM: Does he have any disadvantage or anything? MATT: Nope. That is a 23 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: That is going to be ten points of slashing damage. As you back away, arcs downward. TRAVIS: I will now, out of his melee range, Eldritch Blast. Ugh, God, that’s not great. 13. MATT: 13 does not hit. Now that it’s seen the Blast, after it strikes and grins you hear this (hyena chuckle) under its breath. You turn around and go to strike out with the Eldritch Blast, and it pulls one of the other gnolls nearby and yanks it in front of him, just as the shield takes it off, then sets him back in place. Deflects it with its own guy. TRAVIS: Nice. As I’m pulling around the corner, can I use my bonus action to drop the stupid, runty gnoll look? MATT: You don’t have to spend a bonus action, you just drop it. Pulling back from the fire, yeah, you can get just around that corner. The guard lets you by. TRAVIS: I need cover. MATT: That ends your turn. The leader at this point makes this loud gibbering sound that echoes throughout the alley, turns, and runs off to pursue the cart. SAM: He left! TRAVIS: We’re at level three, that’s got to be an acceptable option right now. SAM: No! LAURA: That means we almost killed him, that’s what that means! We almost had him. MARISHA: Do we chase after him? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: That ends his turn. The guards now, who have notched their crossbows again, are going to take shots at both of those guys right there. Fucking two. That does hit. The other one gets hit. LAURA: Have we killed any of the gnolls-gnolls? TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s simple numbers. Them leaving is a good– MATT: Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m taking a slice at this guy again. I don’t have advantage anymore. MATT: You do not. He is not prone anymore, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Slice number one. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Ten. MATT: Ten does not hit, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Slice number two. That hits, thank you! 23. MATT: 23 will hit. Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s five points of damage and two points of extra damage. MATT: Radiant? All right. The first one, you swing and it ducks out of the way, and attempts to strike upward with its spear. As you do, you knock it to the side, with the scimitar that missed, and with your other hand, strike down right across its face. You arc through and you actually carve one of the eyes in twain. You see a large red mark where you’ve split part of its face, and it’s hurt really bad, but it’s still standing. There’s gore dripping out of the socket where its ruined eye sits. (snarls) TALIESIN: I’m going to try and circle around it to get out of the way of the archers. I’m going to hop back off and get behind him. MATT: You can do that without a problem. You leapfrog off of him, grab his shoulders, and land behind him, scimitars at the ready. Okay, ending Molly’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: What about the guards? MATT: The guards already went. Oh, she didn’t fire. Sorry, thank you for reminding me about that. The other guards did go, she did not– They did not. LAURA: Aren’t they going to attack this skeleton one that’s right here next to both of us? MATT: They throw their crossbow to the ground and pull out a morningstar, and does a sideswipe towards this– That is a 19. We’ll say that straight up hits. That does five plus eight points of damage to that one. I don’t think you’ve damaged that one yet, right? LAURA: Yes I had. I did the Hellish Rebuke to it. MATT: That’s right, you did! That was the wrong one. All right, with that, they swing backwards with the mace and hit the side of the skeletal head, which shatters immediately upon impact, ruining its form, and is no longer part of the battle. LAURA: I am so surprised I fall off the wall! MATT: You are. You tumble that way. LIAM: Get out of the city! MATT: All righty. Jester, your turn. LAURA: Okay. Are either of those two gnolls over there damaged? MATT: From what you can tell, nope. LAURA: Okay, well, I’m going to use my giant lollipop, and it’s going to swing and hit a couple times and try to hit one like a bat. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Okay, this is the one you licked. SAM: Okay. LAURA: Eight. SAM: (sad trombone) LAURA: Sam’s spit: not a good luck charm. MATT: As it swings in the air and spins, they both take one step back and it hits the dirt, and they both look at each other, and (chuckles). LAURA: Shit. I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on myself, and then I’m going to leap off the wall with great flourish and land next to Caleb. Okay, that’s a good idea. I’m going to land next to the guard. Then I’m going to skip away to the building. MATT: There you go. All righty. That ends Jester’s turn. Caleb, Nott, you’re up. LIAM: Okay, I’m just going to do my same dog and pony show trick, I’m going to go to the corner, I should be able to see two or three gnolls, I think, over there, yeah? MATT: Yes, over here. LIAM: Okay, so (sizzling) starts to burn in my hand, Chromatic Orb out to hit whichever one– MATT: That one’s probably the easiest to see right now. LIAM: Then that’s the one I’m going to go for. Come on. Oh, that’s good. That’s a 17. MATT: That definitely hits. LIAM: Thanks, Keyleth. MARISHA: You’re welcome, boo. LIAM: That is 3d8, so where is my eight-sided die? There it is. This is fire, and it is 11 points of damage. MATT: As it bursts into it, you see the fur burn and singe and (whimpers) pats it out and the flames subside, you see it’s charred and burnt, and you see the flesh is cracked and blackened. It’s injured, but it’s standing. LIAM: Okay, and I inch back again and say, (singing) If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. And hide behind the building. MATT: That ends your turn. Nott? SAM: There’s two gnolls in front of me that I can see, right? MATT: You can see those down there. The one just got blasted with the familiar fiery explosion of Caleb’s Chromatic Orb. The other is untouched. SAM: The other one, I will point at and I will remove a tiny rotten tart from my pocket and crumple it onto the floor and take a feather and move it around over the crumbs, and say: Hey, what happens to a frog’s wagon when it breaks down? It gets toad away! And I will cast Hideous Laughter on the gnoll. TRAVIS: Hideous indeed. MARISHA: No bad Halle Berry lines. MARISHA and LAURA: What happens to a toad when it’s struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else. MATT: Wisdom saving throw? That is a natural 11. What is your spell DC? SAM: 13. MATT: 13. All right. TALIESIN: I like the theory that he doesn’t burst into laughter, he just holds the groan pain. LIAM: I would like to think that he does laugh hideously and despises himself for it. MATT: Did you shoot the one who was blasted with the fire or the one that was untouched? SAM: The untouched one. MATT: You watch as the one that was currently untouched that was drawing another arrow glances up and hears, and goes, (uncontrollable laughter) and falls to the ground. (manic laughter) Laughing this horrible hyena chuckle, and it’s billowing out into the street, clutching its stomach and dropping its weapons to the side and just rolling on the ground. Its friend next to it is like, huh? Looks up and sees you. SAM: Okay. All right, I’ll use my bonus action to hide. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Oh, I have to stealth. Oh, God damn. Okay, that’s 13. MATT: Okay. That ends your turn. There are no more of the undead types, so they’re off the thing. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, I step out of the burning building, sauntering like a badass John Woo film. LIAM: Doves go everywhere. MATT: That’s five feet of movement. MARISHA: Yeah, and looking at this one, I go: Hey, your friends have an inside joke without you. Pointing at the guy on the ground. As soon as he turns, I go whack like a baseball bat, right across his head. MATT: As soon as he glances over to the side, he looks back just as you’re already in his face. MARISHA: Oh, that’s good. LIAM: Swing it high, Beau. MARISHA: 25! No, sorry, 24! MATT: 24, that’ll definitely hit. Roll damage. LIAM: Swing away. MARISHA: I’m going to take that, that’s a 13, sorry, ten, nope, 11! Math. MATT: 11 points of damage. Whack! You watch as about five or six gnoll teeth go flying from the impact, the jaw quivers as spittle and blood goes careening off the side of the impact. It falls and stumbles, if you want to follow it up. MARISHA: I’m going to, using that momentum, do a helicopter flourish above and go crack down over top. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: That’s a natural 19! MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Oh, wait, this is technically an off-handed. MATT: Right, so it’s a d4 for this one, but we’re using the staff for a flourish. MARISHA: Ooh, that’s a four, so eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. Wham! As you bring it down over the top of the head, it falls and gets up, it’s dazed and beaten within an inch of its life, it’s ready to go. It’s barely standing at this point, one eye is lolling around and trying to find, and the other one is swollen shut now and can’t actually see anything. It’s in a bad place. MARISHA: Fuck. I’ll hold. MATT: Okay. That ends your turn, Beau. The guy on the ground is just laughing his ass off. At the end of its turn, it’s going to try and make a saving throw. No, that is a two. It is still laughing on the ground. This one, seeing the rest of its allies run, turns around and is just going to run. SAM: That’s the one you just hit? MARISHA: No. This here. SAM: How many are over there? Oh, I didn’t see it. TALIESIN: Two, and I’ve got one. MATT: This one, seeing another one flee, is going to attempt to try and flee after. You get an attack of opportunity. MARISHA: I have advantage on that? MATT: You do not. MARISHA: Fuck. Oh, but that’s still good. 18. MATT: That hits, roll damage. LAURA: Kill him! MARISHA: Is that with my regular attack? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Eight damage. MATT: You knock and crush him to the floor. As he tries to run, you whack and hit him, and you watch him take a few steps and skid and fall onto the ground, and he’s not moving. The one over here, who is not currently in the process of knowing that everyone else is fleeing, because he’s been stuck over here, is going to try to take a spear attack at you, Molly. TALIESIN: I’m going to snap at him. I’m going to use Blood Maledict. SAM: Hellish Snap. MATT: Which is good, because he rolled a natural 20 on the first roll. TALIESIN: Yeah, no he ain’t. MATT: Disadvantage, that brings him to a 15. TALIESIN: That is my armor class. MATT: So it just hits you. LAURA: But at least it’s not a critical attack. TALIESIN: Nope! LIAM: All his friends are running away, and he’s going, “Me and my friends are going to kill you.” MATT: Eight points of piercing damage. Its eyes go dark and it pulls back, and still it seems its sense of smell can still find your placement in the vicinity, and as you pull out of the way, it still manages to find you. The spear pierces right around where the hip is, and you pull back, gritting your teeth. That’s going to end its go. TRAVIS: My turn. MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Can I hop around the corner again? SAM: (engine revving) Start up the full. TRAVIS: I’ll go ahead and use my 30 speed to close in on the proned-out. Great, and I’ll use Eldritch Blast against that. MATT: All right, it has disadvantage against it because it’s prone. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: 11. As it’s rolling around on the ground, it’s difficult to find a proper shot, and you fire, and it hits the dirt next to it, sending a bit of dust over it. It stops laughing for a second as the dust– He laughs even harder at the actual dust. TRAVIS: That’s it. That’s my turn. MATT: That ends your turn. All right. The guards go. The leader continues to run, and is now disappearing into the smoke and ash. You don’t have a visual on the cart at the moment, it’s now pressed into where a lot of the fire is, and it’s obscuring their escape. These guards are going to move forward as they load their crossbows, and they’re both– actually, because he’s on the ground laughing, you’re coming out on the roof, they’re going to turn and fire at the one that’s in front of Molly. It does have three-quarters cover because of the wall. They’re trying to help you out. TRAVIS: We need the assistance of guards, guys. MATT: Hits the wall and deflects. TRAVIS: It’s hard. MATT: That does hit! That is a 21, actually, so that does, even with the bonus to armor class from the three-quarters cover, it still hits. SAM: Those guards are killing more than we are. MATT: With that, as it’s there in front of you with its spear, after stabbing you, it pulls back and one crossbow bolt out of its forehead. Its jaw goes slack and falls to the ground, dead. TALIESIN: Oh, come on. SAM: Don’t you want to ask that nameless guard how he wants to do this? MATT: Well, there’s still one left on the ground, which we’ll say for the purposes of narrative here, who wants to do this? TRAVIS: What, you really want to do something? SAM: Is it our turn soon? Caleb and me? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Well, when we come back around, it would be Molly’s turn, Jester, then Caleb and Nott. So whatever you guys want to do in this moment before it comes back, let me know. SAM: I would like to jump down from the wall and run as fast as I can after the leader and the cart. TRAVIS: Really? MARISHA and LAURA: Whoa! MATT: Make an acrobatics check. SAM: Oh, disadvantage. Jesus. 11. MATT: You jump off the side and you land, you do suffer four points of bludgeoning damage as you hit the ground and your feet buckle, and you actually slam and your face hits the dirt, but you use your momentum to scurry back up, and beginning to move forward, you get– and if you’re using the rest of your– SAM: Dash, everything. MATT: I need you to make a concentration check, by the way. SAM: Oh. MATT: Make a constitution saving throw, because you did take– SAM: This is a saving throw, that’s not disadvantage. 16. MATT: Yeah, so you maintain control over the Hideous Laughter. Okay. You rush into the cloud of ash after them, and you begin to see some of the shapes ahead of you of the gnolls there, pushing the cart. You’re still behind them by about 30 or so feet, and right as you rush forward, darting in, the heat from the embers entering your lungs burn, and you put your mask over to block and help filter a bit, with the cloth and bandages, and right as you rush forward, you see the back of the heavy armored leader, that’s bringing up the rear of where the cart is, and he turns and sees you. SAM: Oh god. MATT: As soon as you finish your movement, it spins and looks in your vicinity, to see that you’re alone. SAM: Oh god. MATT: Takes his glaive. SAM: Oh god! MATT: And closes the distance with a giant downward swing. SAM: Oh god! LAURA: What did you do? TALIESIN: Wait, is it his turn already? MATT: At this point? The narrative timing on this. TALIESIN: Because I was going to run that way too, I thought we were still– LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah, who was allowed to run? MATT: Well, Nott’s after you. TALIESIN: Okay. So I will– LAURA: But we didn’t get to go, because Nott just jumped it. SAM: Yeah. MATT: All right, cool. All right, well let’s roll it back a little bit here and see how this helps you. All right, cool. So. No, it’s fine. So Jester, Molly, what are you guys doing? TALIESIN: I was going to run to see where the cart was going. Full dash. MATT: Okay. As you sprint off, with a full dash, you don’t quite get as close as Nott does. TALIESIN: No, I wouldn’t. MATT: Because Nott is much faster. TALIESIN: Is he triggering my spider sense at all? MATT: No. TALIESIN: Okay. TRAVIS: What’s your spider sense? MATT: It’s not really a spider sense. TALIESIN: I know, but you know. SAM: But it’s a spider sense. LAURA: Basically. MATT: You’re about that far back, I would say. LAURA: I was going to have my duplicate go over and touch the guy laughing on the ground, and cast Inflict Wounds. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Dope. MATT: It’s a melee spell attack, correct? You have advantage on it because he’s currently incapacitated. LIAM: If he’s still around when she’s done, I would have done my same single– LAURA: Natural 20. LIAM: Yeah! TRAVIS: That’ll be all the damage. MATT: Oh my god. So roll the dice. MARISHA: He’s going to turn into powder. LAURA: Five, six, 13, 26! MATT: As he’s laughing, your image walks up with a skip, bends down and touches him, and he suddenly withers into this completely dried-out husk of what the gnoll once was, the life force drawn and cast out of his body. He stops laughing, and the body falls like a mummy to the ground. SAM: Your duplicate can cast spells? LAURA: Yeah. That’s why it’s more fun if I can move her. TALIESIN: That’s why it’s like a bear. MATT: All right, finishing those turns, back to the top of the round. LIAM: No, I would have leaned out, if I had seen it was dead, and no enemies, I would use my movement, my action to move further up to the corner, not much besides that, but join where Fjord and the duplicate are. That’s it. MATT: That ends your turn. TRAVIS: Your friend took off running. LIAM: Nott? LAURA: That’s all happening right now. LIAM: This is simultaneous. MATT: Beau, your turn. MARISHA: Hearing you say that, I’m going to be like, I guess we’re– race you! I’m going to take off running after Nott. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: 40 feet speed. MATT: You manage to catch up right around basically where Molly is there. Do you have a ki point left? MARISHA: I do. MATT: If you wanted to use your– MARISHA: That would just get me– I’ll save it for right now. But I can see Nott, and I can see the guy, and I can see the cart. MATT: There’s cloud and ash, embers pushing into the atmosphere now, the nearby building are actually in flames and engulfed on the side here. MARISHA: That was a double move? MATT: That was a double movement to get to there. MARISHA: All right. MATT: As you and Molly are 15, 20 feet from each other, and ahead you can see the shape of Nott, and you can see the leader of them. You can now see from nearby buildings that about ten other gnolls are all gathering around the cart and they’re all leaving. They’re all carrying giant sacks on their back, dragging bodies and corpses behind them. MARISHA: Ten? MATT: Yeah. This wasn’t the only gnolls that attacked the city. TALIESIN: This was just our little patch. Our gnoll patch. MATT: Finishing Beau’s turn, it comes back to Fjord. The rest of the gnolls continue pushing the cart. A few join them, giving it momentum. About six more of them begin stepping up, flanking the leader, who’s now staring at the three of you. TALIESIN: Now’s not the time! TRAVIS: I’ll run forward using my 30 feet but I will call out: Nott, get back here! SAM: What? Don’t blow my cover. TRAVIS: Let them go! SAM: Okay. What? MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. The leader sees the three of you there, puts the glaive away with one hand, turns around as he draws his longbow and fires an arrow right at you. That is a 17 to hit? SAM: Hits. MATT: That is eight points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Are you down? TALIESIN: He is so down. MATT: The arrow strikes Nott in the chest, who falls unconscious onto the ground, the ash and embers starting to spill over her unconscious body. With that– because I believe– yeah, it can make two attacks with its longbow. He’s going to make a second strike now. This one’s going to be at– I’m going to make it– He can’t decide at the moment. This’ll be a four, Molly. That is a natural 20. (groaning) MATT: That is 18 plus three. 21 points of piercing damage. TALIESIN: You got to be fucking kidding me, really? MATT: He rolled a nine on a d10. And it’s a crit. TALIESIN: Oh, I’m down. MATT: Molly goes down. SAM: Oh, shit. MATT: With his movement, he puts the bow back away and keeps walking with the rest of the gnolls. MARISHA: I grab Fjord and I say, just wait. Wait. Let them go. MATT: You watch as all of them turn around and they all begin to gather. You hear this cacophony of different gibbering cries in the distance as they’re all starting to call themselves back to leave the city. They all step into the clouds of smoke and ash in the distance before eventually all the shapes disappear. MARISHA: I want to watch them as far as I can to try and pinpoint a direction that they’re heading in. MATT: Okay, make a survival check in this moment. LIAM: It’s dark, too. MATT: It is dark. MARISHA: Not great, 11. MATT: Okay. It’s hard to tell with all the smoke, you can’t see the moon, you can’t see the placement of the sky, but you make a note of which direction they’re traveling based on the street. Those who are both on the ground as Beau continues doing this, you guys begin to rush up and you see both Molly and Nott on the ground. LAURA: I run up and I’ll cast Cure Wounds on Molly. Then I’m going to run over and do the same thing at level two to Nott. That’s six points of healing for you, I’m sorry. TALIESIN: Thank you. LAURA: I’ll run up and cast it on Nott. Oh no, Nott! I pull her up into my lap. Oh, that’s good. 13– oh, 13 plus five! No, plus three. MATT: That immediate first breath is filled with pain, both from the wounds you’ve sustained and the immediate influx of burning ash that sweeps into your lungs. Both of you come to consciousness. SAM: (gasping) Oh my gods! TALIESIN: What were you thinking? SAM: I was just going to follow them from afar. I forgot they had bows and arrows. TALIESIN: That’s literally the only thing that’s been happening. SAM: I thought they wouldn’t see me because of the smoke. Oh boy. TALIESIN: I’m going to put out these fires. Oh, I’m not getting up. MARISHA: Ah shit, the town, you guys! And I’m going to go back and start trying to put out the fires. TALIESIN: I’m going to crawl back towards the– MATT: As you guys begin to regather your troops, more of the crownsguard that you see have been battling and have been partially wounded by a lot of the other gnolls are beginning to gather their dead, beginning to try and put out what fires they can and acknowledge which buildings can’t be saved. As you begin to take what remains of your energy to do so, we’re going to go ahead and take a break. We’re going to take a break here, and we’ll have a little denouement to this episode tonight. But before I leave, we have another contest tonight. Our friends at Wyrmwood actually have a pretty cool giveaway tonight. As part of their new Kickstarter, they have this all-inclusive package here, which is both a dice box, with a leather base, and on the inside here an all-inclusive package for your dice. SAM: We don’t have those. MATT: No, they just started producing them. These are walnut Adventurer’s Arsenal kits, and we’re giving away two of them. The keyword tonight is map, M-A-P, based off last week’s episode, thank you Deven. During the break in Twitch chat only, come in there and when you’re prompted go ahead and enter the keyword, map, into the chat only once. More than once and you will be disqualified. Two of you will be chosen during the break, and we’ll come back to see who wins that. See you guys here in a few minutes. [break] MATT: Welcome back, everybody. That was on the air, well done. The winner of the Adventure Arsenals are, we have two of them, TheBravestKoala and GrandmasterBlaq. Congratulations to both of you guys for the win, go ahead and Danoba will reach out to you and get your contact info and we’ll get those to you. For those of you who are curious to look at it, this particular Kickstarter you can find on wyrmwoodgaming.com to look and see the cool thing this new release is going to entail, so thank you very much, Wyrmwood. All right, with some of the flames dying down, 30 minutes or so of the chaos descending, the Crownsguard begin to come back, those that are still living, many of them wounded and tending to their wounds, or helping the survivors that are still within the town. You see some families are starting to unblock their entranceways and the people who had escaped the city are slowly beginning to filter in. You can hear the sobbing in the distance of families that are coming back to homes that have been destroyed. The smoke still chokes the air, and at this hour now it’s probably pushing close to 11:00 or later. But as the guards come through and begin to take in the essence of what’s happening, the armored individual that helped you when you first arrived and gave you the command to aid in this approaches. You see their half-elven face, solemn and tense, approach and extend a hand. “There aren’t many who would immediately "jump into the fray as you did. I would say that we would have lost many more, and perhaps all of my "men had you not been there, so thank you.” LAURA: Of course, I say as I cut off the ears of some of the gnolls. LIAM: You beat me to it. You said 30 minutes went by, I wanted us to be doing that already. MARISHA: We’re like: Oh no, put out this fire! LAURA: These people have lost everything! LIAM: I was just waiting for you to pause. MATT: Yeah, no worries. Unfortunately, for the three skeletal ones you only manage to get one full ear. LIAM: That’s fine. LAURA: That’s okay because we got two ears off of all the other ones. MATT: You did. We’ll say for that, for those who would’ve been destroyed or damaged, let me go ahead and roll and see how many ears you’re able to pull off of those bodies. LAURA: I’m also going pull off a chunk of tail and see if it will pass. LIAM: I’d like to think that we leaned down to the same gnoll, cutting, and went, same hat? Same hat. MATT: You manage to pull up about 12 ears intact between all the fallen bodies. Some you killed, some maybe you didn’t. You came across the body elsewhere in the square and just took the ear. MARISHA: I totally remember kicking this guy’s ass. MATT: Other guards are collecting them as they go and there are a couple moments where someone was going for an orc– or a gnoll that you had killed and you went to the guard and went, nuh-uh, and they backed off. But anyway, the soldier head that was speaking with you extends a hand and they say, “I "am Watchmaster Bryce Feelid, assigned here to Alfield, now in my fourth year. Thank you.” MARISHA: Watchmaster? MATT: “Watchmaster Bryce Feelid.” TRAVIS: What were those creatures? Have you encountered them before? MATT: “We’ve encountered them before, yes, in smaller hunting packs, maybe a half-dozen at a "time, usually on the outskirts. They don’t come to civilization like this. It’s generally too "dangerous for them, in the smaller numbers they travel. What the fuck are they after?” TRAVIS: Such a grizzly scene, they seemed to be carrying away bodies on that cart they had. TALIESIN: That was weird. LAURA: Did you notice they had some undead gnolls with them? TRAVIS: I did. TALIESIN: There were. LAURA: Have you ever seen anything like that? MATT: “I’ve maybe crossed one or two as part of the roving packs, it’s not terribly uncommon.” TALIESIN: What turns them like that? Is there something in the water? MATT: “I have no idea. I don’t know the ins and outs of their creepy bestial lifestyle. I mean, "what–” And you watch as they sit down for a second, leaning against the wall, thinking and scratching at their chin, “Word came of a small hunting party of these beasts spotted to the "south, so we sent a small troupe to slay them naught but two hours before they struck here. We had sent "more than half of our men’s strength to go and deal with them, so we were unprepared and, at the "time, unguarded for the most part. We were caught at half strength. It can’t be a coincidence. They "must be desperate to assault head-on like this. There’s plenty of small game in the "surrounding wood and they’re known to be provoked to violence, but I’ve only heard of gnolls picking "off the outlying folk, those that wander too far from the fields.” LAURA: Do they eat the bodies? MATT: “They eat what flesh they can get a hold of, but we went through a number of the buildings and "they’ve ransacked two of the inns. They completely took the entire butcher’s stock. They’ve carved "the city of whatever meats, fresh or dried, we had.” TALIESIN: Word came? Word came that they were in the south? Where did word come from? MATT: “Word came from some of our crownsguard who were running a patrol.” LIAM: We have seen these things as far south as Trostenwald. Further even. MARISHA: Has there been something else going on, that you can think of, that might have cut off their food supply? MATT: “Not that I can think of. For the most part, this far south, other than a few run-ins here and "there, they aren’t– conflicts of this size don’t make it past Bladegarden.” MARISHA: Bladegarden? MATT: “It’s where most of them– It’s where most of the Empire’s military and guard are trained and "then sent out throughout the rest of the valley. That’s a lot of meat that they’ve acquired from "us, and they’ve lost many, I thought, of their kin in this battle as well.” LAURA: Too much meat. What are they feeding? MATT: “Or what’s making them so hungry?” LAURA: Oh. Or that. TRAVIS: Indeed. My concern is that they’ll return. We’ve fended them off for now, but they’ll come back. MARISHA: Especially if they’re as desperate as you say they are. MATT: “I’ve sent three of our scouts to try and find out where they went, track wherever they’re "taking their spoils. Reports come in that most of the bodies they took were dead, perhaps not all. "We have to do our best to at least recover any survivors, wipe out what remains, and prevent this "from ever happening again.” MARISHA: Have you heard local farmers complaining about them stealing livestock? Missing livestock? MATT: “I’m going to look into that, actually. I’m sorry, I’m still gathering my thoughts.” LAURA: (gasps) W.C! I get up and I run and see if our horse is still there. MARISHA: Oh, W.C. MATT: Okay, so you charge out to the far city and you do find W.C., still affixed to the cart, currently chewing on a small bag of oats where one of the families of villagers who fled have come back and begun to feed him. LAURA: Thanks, man! Thumbs up to the family, I’ll run back to the group. TRAVIS: Are you going to run back to the group, or bring W.C. with? LAURA: No, I’m going to leave it out there. TRAVIS: Oh, cool, okay. TALIESIN: Petting zoo. LAURA: Yeah, they’re petting him. MATT: To the rest of you, Bryce says, “Well, as rash as it was said– and our coffers are not as "strong as they could be, I will request more of a monetary influx up north– for the ears you have "taken you will be paid. Any more that you find, those will be paid as well.” TALIESIN: Well, and we’re going to need some lodging anyway, so perhaps some trade could be worked out. TRAVIS: Indeed, we could provide some extra muscle, perhaps for some lodging while we stay and maybe we could aid your men and their efforts to exterminate this foe. MATT: “Well, I would normally put you up in the Candleglow Inn but–” They gesture over towards the large building that you had walked through that’s now currently– TALIESIN: It’s literally glowing like a candle right now. MATT: “That is ironic now that you point it out.” TALIESIN: I feel really bad for saying that out loud. MATT: “Let’s just not let Thadeus know that his life is–” LIAM: I have a question. After listening to this for a while, I start looking around the town, would you say that with all these burnt buildings everywhere, that if I start picking through the rubble I would find enough charcoal to reduce the costs I would need for Find Familiar, eventually? Because I still need the incense and the herbs, but if I get a lot of charcoal from these burnt homes– MATT: I will say if you take 30 minutes to find good pieces of charcoal, and roll an investigation check. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Nein. LIAM: Yeah, done and done. That’s good, and I have a good investigation too. That is a 23. MATT: All right, you manage to reduce the cost of you next Find Familiar spell by three gold pieces. LIAM: Yeah, good, that’s good. MATT: From the hopes and dreams of Alfield. So Bryce looks at you. “I can have you put up at the "Feed and Mead tavern.” SAM: Feed and Mead? MATT: “Feed and Mead tavern. It’s not the most comfortable place, but it’ll do.” MARISHA: It’s a good name. MATT: “I did not name it, but pass it on to Crute, the owner.” TRAVIS: Crute? MATT: “Tell him that Bryce sent you and you are being put up by the Crown for as long as you are "hunting these creatures.” TRAVIS: We appreciate that. Hopefully, there won’t be another call to action while they’re here, but you can count on us if there is. MATT: “Of course. Well.” They reach into a pouch and begin to count out the gold for the number of ears you’ve collected. With twelve ears– LAURA: 360 gold. MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: Dope. MATT: After bringing the ears forward, they glance over. “Actually, I’ll be right back. I may need to "acquire a bit more change.” And after a brief wait, Bryce returns and you are paid the full amount. TRAVIS: Damn. MATT: So 360 gold at your disposal. SAM: Should we divvy it up equally? LAURA: If we do, that’s 60 gold apiece. That’s Laura talking. (laughter) MARISHA: I’m fine with that. MATT: Bryce says, “We hope to hear back in the morning of our scouts’ findings. If you wish to, "if you can hunt whatever remains of these creatures and bring back proof that they’ve been "wiped out, I’ll see what I can have sent southward of Zadash to make it worth your while.” MARISHA: In the meantime, you wouldn’t have anything that might help us and our little expedition, would you? Healing potion might be nice if you got one hiding away somewhere in a closet, forgotten. MATT: “I don’t mean to be brusque, but at the moment I think we have a number of our guard who "are in more desperate need.” MARISHA: Fair. LAURA: I can help them… in the morning. (laughter) MATT: “I’m sure that would be appreciated. For the moment, you all look about as battered as I feel. Rest "up, come–” Let’s see, they would be at– “Meet me outside of the Broad Barn.” SAM: The “Rod Bawn”? MATT: “The Broad Barn.” LAURA: The broad? MATT: Barn. Broad Barn. They point it out to you, it’s on the western side of the town. “There, we’ll make sure "you get the basic supplies necessary. Hopefully, we’ll have information on where to go, and if you "so choose, we could conscribe you to be under our intent to destroy these creatures. Think on it, "rest, we’ll speak in the morning.” Bryce turns around and limps off with a few of the other crownsguard. As you guys eventually find your way to the Feed and Mead, you are immediately met by Crute, who is this ornery, salty-looking dwarf of tousled white-gray hair, this single tuft of a beard that dangles down towards the belly button before it hits a ring of gold, goes, “Oh, so I’ve "been told you’re the ones who were coming to sleep. Got one of our two rooms for you.” SAM: One? MATT: He never quite makes eye contact with you. He’s looking at your shoulder, or right above your face. SAM: I think he’s got two glass eyes. MATT: “Come, I’ll show you.” Turns around and leads you to your space. There are four beds jammed in here. It’s like a youth hostel-type living situation here, but it’s functional. LAURA: Are they doubles? Fulls? Queens? Twins? MATT: They are pretty much as twin bed as you can get. MARISHA and TALIESIN: I’m fine with the floor. TRAVIS: I’m great with a bed. LIAM: I’ve already got the silver thread out and I am looping it over any open window and by the door. TALIESIN: Was there beer downstairs? Was there ale? MATT: You can go ask. TALIESIN: I’m going to drop my things and run downstairs. MATT: Okay. You come downstairs and there’s nobody inside, this is not a tavern night for a lot of people. “Right, can I help you?” TALIESIN: Is there drink? Is there smoke? MATT: “Smoke we don’t have. But drink, that I can give you.” TALIESIN: I’ll take something interesting. MATT: “Interesting, you say. Heh.” Takes out a bottle, looks like a deep green glass, and uncorks it. Takes a small shot glass that has a bulbous bottom, pours it to the very top with this liquid that looks a deep sea-teal green, and slides it forward. TALIESIN: Fast or slow? MATT: “Well, depends on how much you like to dream.” TALIESIN: How much? MATT: “For that, and for what I heard you did, it’s on the house.” TALIESIN: Nonsense. MATT: “For the night. You want more, you’re paying top-shelf price.” TALIESIN: What’s top-shelf price? MATT: “For that drink there, that would run you about three silver.” TALIESIN: I put a gold on the table. MATT: “Not going to complain.” TALIESIN: Consider it an advance, it’s been a rough night for everybody.“ MATT: "Right, right, of course.” TALIESIN: And I’m going to sip this mother. MATT: It has a very smoky, oak-barrel flavor to it at first as it hits your tongue and then it burns into this very medicinal, herbal, almost anise mixed with burnt charcoal. TALIESIN: That sounds nice. I’m going to sit, and sip this, and grin, and very silently have a mild nervous breakdown about what just went down. MATT: Okay. As you all slowly come to rest, exhausted, sore, beaten, trying to fall asleep to the distant muffled sound of shouts and wailing in the streets– LAURA and MATT: And Jester jumping on the bed. TRAVIS: Jester! MATT: You find yourself to rest, preparing for what the morning may hold, and that’s where we’re going to pick up for next week’s session. LAURA: Worst roommate ever. LIAM: You’re not the only one. Caleb is going: one gold, two gold, three gold, 60 gold. LAURA: 60 gold, Caleb! LIAM: This was a good idea. TALIESIN: This is working out weirdly, I’m excited. MARISHA: We all have an extra 60 gold, yeah? LAURA: For all the work that Beau did. (laughter) MATT: That was some Jackie Chan shit. You were in the doorway, dodging everything. TALIESIN: We now need to have a Stephen Chow night, that was some crazy shit. LIAM: We are hitching out stars to your wagon. (laughter) LIAM: She just shot some Sun Chip out of her mouth. You’re welcome, internet! MATT: Gif that. MARISHA: Oh, there it is, I found it. SAM and LAURA: (groan) MATT: Waste not, want not. That’s my wife, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you guys so much. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you, D&D Beyond, I’m learning more and more about the app and I’m enjoying it, thank you for supporting the show. Thank you all for joining us tonight, we’ll see you next week, and is it Thursday yet? LIAM: Nein! MATT: Good night, everybody. MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. TRAVIS: Yeah, we do! MATT: Apparently, someone’s got mail on Drag Race! LIAM: That was like standing at the dock going, “Three, two, one, jump!” and Travis was the only one who jumped in. MATT: Yeah, well done, though. Welcome guys! Before we jump into tonight’s episode, we have some announcements to get through. First and foremost, returning once again this week, our fantastic partners and sponsor for the beginning of this campaign, D&D Beyond! An awesome Dungeons & Dragons tool for use for your campaigns, whether you be DM or player, and Sam, do you have anything to say about that? SAM: Hi! Hey, our partner this week is D&D Beyond, that’s www.dndbeyond.com. They’d like to invite Critters to check out “And Beyond,” the monthly developer update and Q&A session for D&D Beyond. D&D Beyond product director Adam Bradford will share the latest thing the team is working on and answer questions from the community. The next stream will take place tomorrow, the 16th of February, at 11:00pm– nope– 11:00am Pacific. Check it out at twitch.tv/dndbeyond and to celebrate, I’m giving out a prize tonight. It’s another contest, all of you can play, and here’s the rules: using D&D Beyond, you have to create a character, right now, a level three character, any character, go! MARISHA: On our app? LAURA: What?! That’s going to take so long! SAM: (intense timer countdown song) MARISHA: Hang on, it’s refreshing! You should’ve given us warning! SAM: (singing) D&D&D&D Beyond. D&D Beyond! D&D! LAURA: I did it! TALIESIN: Aw, damn it! SAM: What? I don’t see it. It’s there. She did it. LAURA and TALIESIN: I did it! LIAM: Sphincter, Sphincter, Sphincter! SAM: Oh, you know what? I don’t know how to call it! LAURA: I have 138 hit points? SAM: Wow! Wait, at a level three character? No, she’s level 15! TALIESIN: Callous, 25 hit points! Already done, right there! SAM: All right, Taliesin wins. See how easy it is to create a character with D&D Beyond? TALIESIN: A level three blood hunter earth elemental. SAM: I’ll give you a hint: your prize is attached to my mug. TALIESIN: Oh, no. Wait, wait, wait! No, leave it! Put it back, I want to do this properly. SAM: What’re you doing? TALIESIN: Lift, lift, lift. (laughter) MARISHA: Did you just– TRAVIS: You hit Randomize Your Character. SAM: Do you see how easy it is? We all created a character in, like, 25 seconds! LAURA: This random character that I just created is really fucking cool. TALIESIN: I’m actually really impressed with this fucking character. LIAM: Aw, I don’t want to have Sphincter next to Caleb now! SAM: Wait, you really named it “Sphincter?” LIAM: Yes. That’s the name I gave them! That’s as far as I got! Delete. Oh, there goes Caleb. TRAVIS: What is your name? Panalanalam– Pana– MARISHA: Panlanann. TRAVIS: There are four “N’s” in that name. MARISHA: I am Panlanann, the wood half-elf blood hunter! SAM: What was yours, Taliesin? TALIESIN: Callous. SAM: Callous? What was yours, Laura? LAURA: I was Alight, a level 15 fire genasi. SAM: Her name was Alight? LAURA: Alight. TRAVIS: I am Eomita Deephollow, lightfoot halfling fighter. MARISHA: Dude, my abilities are balls, though. I have a five dex and a four wisdom. That’s sad. MATT: We’re using those characters for the next campaign. TRAVIS: No, no, no! No! MARISHA: Wait, you got dope stats! TRAVIS: Because I’m awesome. MARISHA: Look how fucking crap these are! TRAVIS: You’re in big trouble. MATT: Thank you very much, Sam, congratulations Taliesin, and thank you D&D Beyond for being our sponsor. Quick reminder to those of you who have an Amazon Prime account, you can get a free subscription to the Twitch channel by going through your actual– yeah, you do it through Twitch! You link your Amazon Prime account to your Twitch name and you are able to subscribe to one channel for free a month. If you have not subscribed and you want to have the VODs available to you before they go up on Youtube, that’s the way to do it, for no additional charge. Check it out. Talks Machina– LAURA: Sam, stop touching my shit. Look at that! He rolled ones, ones, and ones! LIAM: Kids! LAURA: I’m sorry. Sorry, Matthew. MATT: It’s okay. We haven’t started yet, so technically it’s a buffer. Talks Machina, next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific. We’ll be here on Twitch and Project Alpha where our host, Brian W. Foster, will discuss what happens and transpires in this episode tonight, so check it out next week on Tuesday. The podcast of last week’s episode is available for download, so those of you who missed last episode or want to listen to it on your drive or commute, or you just like the audio to create your imagination-scape, last week’s episode is available to download now wherever finest podcasts are located to be downloaded. Any other major announcements from you guys? LIAM: A little thing that is totally improvised. A couple of weeks ago, a Critter named Courtney– forgive me if I’m getting that wrong– She tweeted a picture of her with this scarf that she was making for Caleb, and she made the hashtag #ScarvesForCaleb and then people started talking about it. I retweeted because I thought it was awesome, and they came up with the idea to make scarves for Caleb– But not for me– to give to shelters: Homeless shelters, to veterans, to anyone who needs scarves or hats or mittens. I think it’s a great idea, and you would make me happy. This is beautiful, I love it, thank you, but don’t pile me up in scarves. Send them to people who need them. I just think it would be a nice thing to do. MATT: That’s awesome guys, I love it. Once again, 826LA, our fantastic charity we’ve been supporting since the very beginning of this show, almost three years ago now. They do fantastic work. If you have the opportunity to give your time to it, or want to help donate, or at least look up and see what they do, I recommend you do it, they are fantastic, so thank you guys. Unless anybody else has anything else to interject, I believe it’s time for us to jump in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. You guys are getting sloppy. Welcome back. Last we left off, our gathering of friends have been traversing northward along the Amber Road, with the distant destination of Zadash, one of the larger cities of the Dwendalian Empire, as your destination. Upon traveling, you passed a caravan, spent an evening amongst trees, where you found a wayward cluster of wandering buffalo…-like creatures. You continued northward for a second day, rushed on past sunset to rest in the city of Alfield, a small farming town that’s along the way to Zadash. However, upon noticing that some of the buildings in the eastern side of town began to light up with flame, you began to approach rather rapidly, seeing members of the city, citizens fleeing and screaming, and there seemed to be some sort of attack. Upon going into the town, you realized that a number of these buildings are being set fire by an incursion of gnolls. You were immediately brought in by Watchmaster Bryce, who offered to pay you for each set of gnoll ears that were brought to them, and you jumped into the fray, managed to kill quite a few, many of them still left with their quarry, it seems, which happened to be quite a number of bodies and/or citizens still living, that were dragged off into the ashen and cloud-covered night. Upon returning, many of you bruised, beaten, and at one point in danger of worse, you were given an evening’s rest at the Feed and Mead Tavern, and were told, if you were interested in pursuing future coin in helping with the current conflict nearing the city, to meet Bryce out by the Broad Barn. ALL: The Broad Barn. LAURA: That’s why I wrote Broad Barn down. MATT: That is why. LIAM: I wrote “Rod Barn.” MATT: That’s a different place entirely. You guys all bundled up into a singular room above the floor of the Feed and Mead. Found yourselves exhausted, passed out, and got an evening’s rest, so you’ve all gotten a long rest. You’ve healed up. You’ve recovered your abilities. As the uncomfortable warmth of the morning kicks in, with your small room and number of warm bodies encompassing a very tight and not very drafty space, the partially humid early hours draw you from consciousness. You all begin to stretch your sore muscles and decide what endeavors await you with the new day. What do you guys want to do? LAURA: What do you guys want to do today? TRAVIS: That bed was not my favorite. LAURA: I liked it. TRAVIS: Little stiff. MARISHA: You should try sleeping on the floor. It’s actually really good support. TALIESIN: It’s good for your back, it’s really true. TRAVIS: You use a pillow, or are you just on the floor? TALIESIN: Pillow. (laughter) TRAVIS: Do you have to pray over your swords or anything this morning? TALIESIN: No, everything’s fine. They just do what they need to do. I just have to keep them clean. TRAVIS: Yeah, well, we were sharing a room one night, and Molly has a ritual. I think it’s part of his custom. Yeah, he performs over his swords. TALIESIN: I have to take care of them or else they’ll stop working, of course. MARISHA: Sure. LAURA: Do they need to feed? TALIESIN: They do actually, yeah. I’ve got to feed them some, well– it’s complicated. I don’t like to go too deep into it, but I’ve got to use my bloodline on occasion. Actually, since we’re already on the road, I should be honest, I wasn’t entirely telling the truth when I talked to you that night. TRAVIS: No! Stop it! SAM: You seem so honest. TALIESIN: Oh, you’re just a bundle of truth too, aren’t you? LIAM: What is a bloodline? TALIESIN: I suppose it’s only fair. I did tell you that these swords are special, and that they use the blood of my family to activate themselves. I know I might have said I was from a long line of priests, and– MARISHA: Oh my god, you killed your whole family. TALIESIN: I didn’t kill my whole family. MARISHA: Oh, okay. Never mind, keep going. I’m sorry. TALIESIN: Our family were less the priests, and more the sacrifices. We may have stolen the swords and run. That’s why I’ve been trying to keep a bit of a low profile when it comes to some of the authorities. TRAVIS: Yeah. I mean, for fear of your life you ran? TALIESIN: It’s been a long time, but I’d rather not run into them. LAURA: What gods were you being sacrificed to? TALIESIN: Oh, I couldn’t tell you. It was my parents, I was just wee by the time that happened. SAM: Is there a roving band of priests that are trying to find you right now? TALIESIN: Oh, I hope not. I mean, it’s been a long time. MARISHA: Where’s home? Where is this place that you stole– TALIESIN: My parents never spoke of it. Somewhere out east. LIAM: You got to the circus from that, how? TALIESIN: Well, it was a bit of a mess, but I just ended up there eventually. Just looking for a place where I could rest, I suppose? LIAM: That’s funny, you gave me an answer, but you didn’t really give me an answer. TALIESIN: Well, I don’t know you that well. MARISHA: That’s what he’s been doing this whole time. TALIESIN: That requires a drink. TRAVIS: I understand that sentiment. Trying to find a little respite, a little peace. TALIESIN: It’s a good place to be if you want to run, but not run. SAM: Are there any others of your family out there on the run? TALIESIN: Not that I’ve ever met. LAURA: Was it just your parents and you that were being sacrificed? TALIESIN: You know, I don’t know. I never thought to ask. LAURA: Did they want to kill you or just take your blood? TALIESIN: Apparently they needed us alive for it, so there was that. LAURA: Oh! So it wasn’t so bad, they just slowly drained you. SAM: Doesn’t sound that bad. Yeah, they’re not going to kill you. TALIESIN: So I was told. MARISHA: Isn’t that what you’re doing to yourself on a daily basis? TALIESIN: It’s not that bad, though, it doesn’t leave a mark really. TRAVIS: You’re in control of it. You’re using it for yourself? TALIESIN: Oh yes, of course. It can come in handy. LAURA: Does it have to be your blood? TALIESIN: Oh yes. Of our bloodline, apparently. MARISHA: Have you tried any other bloodlines? TALIESIN: Well, I’ve cut a lot of people with them. Would you like to take a run at it? You could be lucky. MARISHA: I’ll save that for another day. TALIESIN: I had a funny feeling. TRAVIS: I’m tempted. SAM: What about you, Fjord? Are you going to vomit any seawater this morning? TRAVIS: (retching) SAM: Oh, watch out! TRAVIS: Nah. TALIESIN: Could’ve been worth five copper on the open road at one point. TRAVIS: I seem to have missed my calling. TALIESIN: Always could use a circus geek. MARISHA: How’d you sleep, aside from the crappy bed? TRAVIS: I know what you’re asking. I didn’t have any other dreams. It was fairly restful. LAURA: No dreams at all? TRAVIS: None I care to speak of. LIAM: Do we think there’s anything left of this town? TALIESIN: That is a question. TRAVIS: Anything left? SAM: It didn’t seem like the whole thing was on fire. TRAVIS: We couldn’t quite see it at night, that’s true. Maybe we should go down. LIAM: I would like to take a walk and see what it is we’re out to save. LAURA: We can steal some things! LIAM: Maybe we do that second, and first we take a walk. TALIESIN: How do we get paid? There was talk of pay. LAURA: I thought we already got paid. LIAM: We did, but Molly was drinking, so maybe he does not remember. TRAVIS: He said he was going to bring the rest, I think, later. TALIESIN: I’ve got to say, there’s worse ways to make a living. LIAM: I counted 60 gold. TRAVIS: Hey, Molly, didn’t you say Bryce said it would come later? MATT: Bryce had said if you wanted to continue to help with this then there was more money. LAURA: Let’s keep helping! MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, it’s not a bad gig. LAURA: We could stay here forever and just kill gnolls. SAM: That was very scary. One of them almost killed me! LAURA: But think about how good we would get over time. SAM: That’s true. The 10,000-hour rule? LAURA: Mm-hmm! TALIESIN: Nott the gnoll killer. TRAVIS: Jester, we agreed not to put anyone in harm’s way in an excessive manner. LAURA: When did we agree that? TRAVIS: Did we not? LIAM: I don’t remember that, either. TALIESIN: I don’t recall making that arrangement. LAURA: Did we agree to that? TRAVIS: Maybe I thought that was an unspoken thing. LAURA: Usually when you agree to something you have to say it out loud. Most of the time. Unless it’s, like– We just agreed to it! You said it, you said it! SAM: What did you agree to? LAURA: I can’t tell, it’s a secret! Oh! But she’s serious about it, I can tell! TALIESIN: You’re so good at this. LIAM: Well, my social anxiety is getting the best of me. I’m taking a walk. Goodbye. MATT: The door slams behind Caleb briskly making his exit. LAURA: Do you want a donut this morning? It’s a little more stale in the bag, I have to let you know. TRAVIS: I think I’m fine. LAURA: Do you want one? TALIESIN: Oh, yeah. More donut for us. MARISHA: I guess we should greet the town. TRAVIS: Fair enough. LAURA: Wait! When did we say we were going to meet Bryce? SAM: Why are you yelling? LAURA: I thought they were leaving. TRAVIS: Actually, I think they’ll find us. MARISHA: Yeah. Maybe we could just stand in the middle of town and go, “Bryce?” until they show up. LAURA: In front of Broad Barn. MARISHA: Okay, I have a question about this Broad Barn thing. Is Broad Barn the name of an establishment, or is Broad Barn a very broad barn? TALIESIN: It’s a very long barn. MARISHA: It’s a very big barn? LAURA: What if it’s a street? We didn’t clarify, did we? MARISHA: What if it’s a tavern? I don’t know, I got confused in his delivery. LAURA: I bet we can ask the guy downstairs. MARISHA: All right, yeah. TALIESIN: He seemed nice last night. TRAVIS: We go downstairs. TALIESIN: I’ll follow for this. LIAM: It’s a Zork game. We go down the stairs. MATT: I know, apparently. You head downstairs to the only other real location within the Feed and Mead Tavern. There’s Crute still there off to the side and one very dirty and ashy civilian who is currently slowly scarfing a meal with a thousand yard stare. Looks like they had been close to the action and chaos the evening before. As you walk down, Crute looks across and goes, “I see you’re “awake. Would you like breakfast?” LAURA and TALIESIN: Yes, please. MATT: “All right. It’ll be about an hour. Because it’s just me.” SAM: An hour? All right. MATT: “It’s just me.” LAURA: Do you want some help? I’ll come help you! MATT: “Come on!” TALIESIN: I’ll go in for this if it means a faster breakfast. MATT: The two of you jump in with Crute in what is a not very well-kept kitchen, but functional. The gristle, who knows how long it’s been there. It might add to the flavor, who knows. TRAVIS: A-rating for the city of Los Angeles? MATT: We’ll put it at a B in Panorama City. TALIESIN: Wow, that’s an in-joke. MATT: You guys go ahead and help out. It does manage to cut down the time for breakfast preparation. Eventually food is presented. LAURA: After we’ve cooked, I’m going to switch out his salt for his sugar. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. TALIESIN: I want to see if I see this. I don’t, do I? MATT: You’re too caught up in the meal-making. LAURA: 19. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah, I definitely don’t see this. MATT: Neither does Crute, as you manage to do so swiftly. Practiced, like you’ve done this before in many other establishments in the past, maybe. LAURA: After we cooked. TRAVIS: You just give us all diabetes, that’s great. TALIESIN: The frittatas are going to taste real weird. MATT: As you guys finish your breakfast, the rest of the day is yours. MARISHA: What does the town look like when we step out front? How bad is it? MATT: As you emerge from the tavern– and Caleb, you’ve already seen this– you see that the fires have now been reduced to maybe a dozen wide plumes of gray-white smoke on the eastern side of the city. It rises from the ashes and charred wood remains and wood frames where some buildings used to be. It seemed much more dangerous and chaotic last evening, but looking at it now in the day, it’s no more than maybe a dozen buildings or so that were affected. They were more centralized to cause the most chaos suddenly at that time of night. You get the sense as soon as you look around that the folks of the city are on edge, understandably so. You see the people are trying to pick up their lives and move on in the face of what recently occurred. The very air holds this tension as you look around you. People walk past you with sacks of grain and tools, their eyes wide, darting around for unseen danger and glancing past the two tieflings, immediately, instinctually step back a bit and make a wide berth. You watch children run from doorway to doorway, trying to stay out of the street as long as possible. It seems like it’s trying to carry on, but it’s going to be a process. Some folks are rummaging through the remains of the respective buildings. You glance over near where the central portion of your conflict last night took place, where the Candleglow Tavern is, and there you see, amongst the smoldering rubble of the inn, a single halfling man sifts through the wreckage, a crownsguard helping him lift heavier beams. You see as he plucks what he can of his former life from the rubble. SAM: Should we go over and talk to him? LAURA: Sure. SAM: Do we recognize this person? MATT: You have not met this person, no. LAURA: You’re a halfling, too, so maybe you should talk to him. SAM: I’m not technically. TALIESIN: I’m going to walk over. SAM: I’ll join. We’ll just go over and scare the shit out of him. TALIESIN: Need a hand? MATT: You can see a halfling man, maybe in his fifth decade or so. He has ashy blond hair and a face cracked by smiling, though now too dour and soot-covered to see any sort of smile on his face. As he pulls through some of the rubble and he’s making a small pile on the side, he looks up and goes, “Oh, right. Can I help you?” TALIESIN: We were part of this commotion last night. We were wondering if you need a hand with anything right now? MATT: “I mean, if you don’t–” TALIESIN: I’m taking off my jacket. MATT: “You don’t have to! Okay, okay.” As you dive in, you spend the next ten minutes helping move through some of the heavier beams that collapsed. There is still somewhat of a structure, mainly of the bottom floor, but a lot of the top floor, the one that you were in last night, has fallen in over time. So it’s moving some of the bigger beams out of the way. As you’re pulling through and moving some of the larger pieces of the structure, the halfling man goes, “I appreciate the help. "Name’s Thadeus. Thadeus Candleglow.” LAURA: Oh, this was your place? MATT: “It was.” LAURA: Oh, wow. MATT: “20 years since I was left this place. Built by my grandpaps, Reedus.” SAM: Were you here when the attack happened? MATT: “Oh, I was here. When they all came in, I was gone. I wasn’t about to stay around, you know?” SAM: Did you happen to see where they came from? MATT: “Oh, I did not. I was in the process of cleaning dishes and dealing with a couple of my "patrons. One of them–” and he points over to the rubble. You can see what looks to be a skeletal body that’s been partially collapsed. “I suppose Leiman’s probably not going to be a regular anymore.” LAURA: Oh, no. TALIESIN: You going to rebuild, give him a fine plaque? MATT: “Rebuilding requires something called money. I think I’m probably going to gather what I can "here and shop up north and see what other work I can get myself to.” LAURA: How much gold do you need? MATT: “I don’t know. A building establishment like this. I’m not entirely certain, but I could check "in. I assume it’s probably a few thousand gold pieces for the structure.” LAURA: I just had that, too! I’m sorry, I don’t have it anymore. But I could try writing to my mom to see if she’ll help you. MATT: “That’s really sweet.” TALIESIN: Or, as another thought, since you were basically robbed, who were they? What happened? Has this happened before? MATT: “Oh, this hasn’t happened as long as I’ve been here, and I’ve been here most of my life, "here in Alfield. You hear about these things wandering on the outside, and you know crownsguard "keeps you safe. Anything comes too close, they just shoot them in the face with a bunch of arrows "and shit.” LAURA: I love him so much! SAM: Thadeus, did they seem to be after anything in particular? Were they here for property or people or gold or food? MATT: “They didn’t take any of the worthwhile stuff, thankfully.” He points over to a pile and you can see there’s some brass urn or vase that’s been smashed and dented by the conflict. You can see bits and pieces of a few keepsakes that might be worth a little bit of money that have been brought out. “They just mainly took all of our food stores. Most of my meats, most of my salted "meats, the dried meats, the fresh meats, the butchered meats. They cleared out the butcher down "the street.” LAURA: Shrimp scampi. Butterfly shrimp. TRAVIS: Coconut shrimp. LAURA: Fried shrimp. SAM: Don’t engage them. TALIESIN: We’re all going to die now. MATT: “That’s a real curious-looking face you got there.” LIAM: Excuse me, I saw in the middle of the fray– Sir. Excuse me. SAM: In Halfling, I say to him, I’ve also been a victim of a horrible attack. MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: Oh, minus. Ten. MATT: But in Halfling, that helped. “Yeah, sorry. What can I do?” LIAM: I’m sorry, I was part of the fray as well. I was right in the thick of it. I saw a cart piled high with bodies. Are there people missing from town? MATT: “Quite a few. You’d have to ask around some of the crownsguard.” LIAM: How has the rest of the village fared? Is everything as poorly off as you are? MATT: “I mean, plenty of folks seem to get through this okay. They only took down a few buildings. "I’m more worried about the folks that were plucked from their homes.” LIAM: Is yours the only business that was hit? MATT: “I haven’t looked around, to be perfectly honest. I’ve been a little focused on–” and he gestures out with his hands at the rubble that was once his life. TALIESIN: You had a lot of meat, didn’t you? MATT: “Well, you have to present meat. A lot of people around here eat meat.” TALIESIN: Would you say that you offer a larger selection of meat than some of the other establishments in town? MATT: “If you’re asking me, then the best meat. Don’t know about quantity, but quality was–” (tongue click) TALIESIN: I feel like I’ve been robbed of the experience of your fine, fine meat products, and I, for one, would like you to rebuild so that I might try some of your meats. MATT: “Well, if at some point the gracious gods see fit to bequeath upon me a strike of good luck "and I can get to rebuilding, my friend, one day, you may be able to try one of my meats.” TALIESIN: I’m going to take a look– Is the friend who’s dead skeletonized? MATT: Oh, yeah, burnt charred. TALIESIN: Oh, burnt, okay. Where is this butcher that you mentioned as well? MATT: “Oh that’s–” He steps out through where the doorframe is still standing, the one that you defended yourself through most of that battle, just a free-standing frame now. MARISHA: Was I in the butcher’s? Because that would be some real horror-level shit. TALIESIN: I think you were in the barbecue shack. MARISHA: That’s kind of awesome. MATT: He points over to a building across the way, which is one of the buildings that was nearby. He says, “That there’s the Ruddy Top Butcher, well, what remains of it,” and you can see that building too. It’s still standing, and it’s nowhere near as damaged as the Candleglow Inn, but it’s sustained quite a bit of damage, and it looks like the roof has fallen in. LIAM: I’m sorry, Mollymauk, another question for you: Is there maybe– I hope it is still standing– but a supply store? MATT: “Yeah, if you’re looking for farming supplies, general supplies, there’s–” LIAM: I’m sorry, I’m in the need of some incense. MATT: “Oh, you could probably find something like that there, The Broad Barn.” LAURA: Oh! It’s a store! MARISHA: Question answered. I’m sorry, I’m standing by Fjord. Question answered! TALIESIN: It’s like half a question, because you’re wondering why it’s called that at this point. LAURA: I bet it’s big. TALIESIN: At least wide. MATT: “At one time it was a barn, but the farm stopped giving up crop, and so they converted the "barn itself into what was a general store, because they started selling off the tools they didn’t "need, but that made them more money than the crops did that year, so we started importing more tools, "and for the past 30 years the Broad Barn has been our commonly known general supply place there on "the western side of Alfield, so if you want to–” SAM: This is really fascinating. LAURA: Wow, this is a really good talk that we’ve had. MATT: “Of course.” TRAVIS: Did you just out-talk Jester? LAURA: I think I’m going to go look for the Broad Barn TALIESIN: That’s an idea. Don’t pack up shop just yet, we’re going to see if we can do something about these terrible creatures that have been roaming around. LAURA: Maybe we’ll find all of those thousands of gold for you, and you can build your shop back up. MATT: “Well, y'all look like you’re geared up to be making a mess. You going after these things?” TALIESIN: We are, perhaps, persons of action. LAURA: We’re really tough. We have no fear. MATT: He leans in real close to you, getting on his tippy toes to meet your gaze, and he says, “Well, if you manage to go and kill some of them dog people, you tell them Thadeus Candleglow says hi.” LAURA: I will. MATT: “Thank you.” TALIESIN: She really will. MATT: “Good.” LAURA: Here. It’s a moldy donut. Be well, child, the Traveler is with you. MATT: “I’m not a child, but I appreciate the gesture.” LAURA: You know my name! I leave. MATT: “Gesture. Her name’s Gesture!” TALIESIN: It is a gesture, like Prince. MATT: The adventurer formerly known as Jester. He takes a bite, and (spitting). LIAM: Also, I’m sorry, just between you and me, I know the look on your face a little bit, you seem a little manic. If you have friends you can stay with right now, you know you don’t have to rebuild it today. I recommend you take it slow. MATT: “I don’t think I have much of a choice at the moment.” He gives a long stare towards you that fades past a little bit beyond. “Anyway, I should get back to picking up the pieces. Excuse "me,” and starts gathering more stuff from the rubble, and the crownsguard behind goes over and takes the things he’s already gathered, and begins putting them into a small crate, and doesn’t engage. MARISHA: While they were having that conversation, I’m hanging back with Fjord, if you’re cool with that. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Question: If you were a crazy, ravenous, dog humanoid person thing, what would make you really hungry all of a sudden? I didn’t phrase that question very well. TRAVIS: No, I knew where you were going with it, though. How do we ring the dinner bells, is what you’re saying. How do we get them to come to us? MARISHA: Yeah. It seems like they’re into meat? Kind of anything. TRAVIS: Well, they done took it all, I think. MARISHA: Also, they’re really hungry, more so now. TRAVIS: Why more so now? MARISHA: I don’t know. Why more so now? TRAVIS: Well, they took all the Luby’s Cafeteria with them, so I don’t think they’re going to be hungry for a bit. MARISHA: But what if they are still hungry? TRAVIS: Then we would need to roast some meats. MARISHA: You know who else was really hungry out of fucking nowhere? TRAVIS: Who? MARISHA: Big angry toad man. Devil toad guy. I feel like I should get better names for all these things. TRAVIS: Yeah. He was hungry all of a sudden? MARISHA: I don’t know. I mean, it might be a coincidence. TRAVIS: You thinking some of them gnolls had some fiendish qualities, perhaps? MARISHA: Well, considering some of them were undead. TRAVIS: Right, shit. MARISHA: There was that whole zombie gnoll thing. TRAVIS: I forgot all about that. MARISHA: Yeah. How could you forget that? TRAVIS: I have some weird dreams. What did you have in mind? Other nights. MARISHA and TRAVIS: What? (laughter) MARISHA: I legitimately didn’t understand what you said. TRAVIS: Oh, nothing, I got shit in my teeth. MARISHA: Are you okay? TRAVIS: Yeah, fine. Did you have a plan? Did you want to do something to wrangle them– MARISHA: I was just striking conversation. TRAVIS: Oh, sorry. Well, maybe we’ll follow them to the Barn Broad. MARISHA: Okay, let’s go to the Barn Broad. TRAVIS: Broad Barn. I was fucking with you. MARISHA: I was going along with you. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s all right. TALIESIN: When did we hire Tom Stoppard to write this? MATT: I know. Seriously. TALIESIN: I couldn’t deal. MATT: Where are you guys off to? LIAM: To the Broad Barn. MATT: You were told it was on the western edge of town, and since most of the city is built on two intersections of main road, you follow the core essential east to west path, and on the way out, where you first entered last night, even though you just ran past it, you can see there is indeed, right on the edge of town, almost like the town was built to fill the gap in between, a very large barn that looks to have hundreds and hundreds of feet of coiled rope on the outside. The front doors are wide open and you can see a number of folks are coming in and out, many of them with cleaning supplies, heavy pieces of cloth, buckets, whatever can be used to start getting rid of the remaining black splash and ashy covering of last night’s destruction. You also notice, as you approach on the outside, there’s a bit of commotion. You see a dozen or so crownsguard, and a handful of armed volunteers, that all appear to be in regular civvy farmer clothing, that are all gathered in a loose huddle, with Bryce among them. You hear a loud grating voice from within that huddle. As you approach from the outskirts, you see a middle-aged male gnome of ruddy complexion and slicked parted dark hair. He wears very clean maroon and gold robes, and that would lend an air of elegance, were he not hopping around and pointing fingers. You see as he starts shouting between the crew, waving his hand around, “Without any warning, it was your job, Bryce! With Ruben cold dead, that "leaves no Lawmaster to preside, forcing me to take that position as well. I do not need that added "responsibility, but until we get a new Lawmaster instated from Rexxentrum, I have no choice.” Bryce pipes up at this point, glancing over and seeing you guys’ presence, “Starosta, I’ve sent a request "to both Zadash and Bladegarden for a supplementary force, but it may be weeks before any would "arrive. Can we send trained hands at my approval to retaliate?” At which point, the Starosta, which has now been identified, says, “We cannot spare any of our forces while the surviving guard are drawn so "thin. Out of the question! Maintain a vigilant perimeter and deflect any further incursions.” Bryce nods slowly. “Can we at least have permission to hire mercenary strength to "retaliate, then? I feel not being proactive before the gnoll force can fully regroup would put us at a "severe disadvant–” At which point is cut off by the Starosta. “Yes, that’s fine! Hire outside! I "don’t want any more of my citizens’ deaths on my record. Dismissed!” He immediately pushes through the crownsguard and storms off, which is hilarious to watch a gnome storm out of a group of people, and off with a huff is escorted by three crownsguard from behind, out of that space. The crowd begins to murmur and disperse, and go about their business. Bryce turns and smiles at all of you. They’ve washed up from last night’s damage and dirty conflict, so as they approach– MARISHA: I turn to Jester, and I go, look inviting. Look heroic. MATT: “I’m deeply sorry about that. Starosta Kosh is high-strung on a holiday, and tensions have "never been this high since he was assigned here eight years ago, so please don’t take that to "heart. He’s just a–” LAURA: Dick. MATT: “Your words, not mine.” TRAVIS: Seems some people handle pressure better than others. He doesn’t seem like the handling type. MATT: “No. Those in higher political positions rarely do, it seems. Anyway, I want to thank you "all again for your aid last night. I can’t fathom the further death toll, had you not been there and "jumped in selflessly as you did. Thank you.” Bryce trails off and looks back towards where Starosta Kosh had stormed off and goes, “Fucking Dwendalian political bullshit. We’ve needed a more trained "guard here for weeks, especially with Xhorhas bleeding into the valley, but we’re far too south "to matter. Any request has been declined due to all necessary forces being needed at the garrisons "by Brokenveil. If they were doing their jobs at the Bluffs, we wouldn’t have so many reports of "violent beasts in the valley in the first place, but here we are. At least I’ve gotten approval for "a bit more cash. To that, while I do not know what your business here is in Alfield, if you are still "interested, we are in need of some skilled mercenary work.” LAURA: We’re going to kill all of them! TRAVIS: We couldn’t help but overhear that you were asking for some aid. How long were you thinking you might need these replacements? MATT: “Well, until at least this threat has been dealt with in a satisfactory way. I’ve "unfortunately not had my scouts return after they were sent the night before, which does not "bode well, but I suspect that we should see some sort of hopeful backup sent by Zadash or "Bladegarden within the next week or two. In the meantime, we’re a bit of a sitting duck scenario, so I’ve "sent a few guards to go to Zadash to see what other mercenaries could be sent forward. We do "have some folks traveling along the road and will keep an eye out to see if anybody else is looking "for some coin, but for now, you are our first line of defense. Or offense, if you will.” TRAVIS: Well, I think I speak for all of us, we’re certainly up to the task for a bit. Well, maybe for a little less than a bit. Can I ask, are there any other threats to this town, besides those gnolls? MATT: “Oh, there are plenty of threats. Let’s see, famine, syphilis–” TRAVIS: Things that come on legs and with weapons, I mean. LAURA: Syphilis can come with legs– TALIESIN: I feel like that was worth pointing out. TRAVIS: Why do both of you know that? MATT: “You’re not wrong.” TALIESIN: Tiefling thing. MATT: “This backwards place has its fair share of issues, as I’ve come to learn as being not from "the region, but it seems to me that nothing on this scale has quite assaulted in some time. I "mean, there have been wandering rumors of terrible things and creatures wandering past the Xhorhas "border for as long as the Dwendalian Empire has been around. It’s the whole reason that the "garrison’s up north. But this far south, generally the guard can keep things at bay. This is a very "organized thing, I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.” TALIESIN: It’s new, then? MATT: “Well, this is new. Nothing on this scale.” TALIESIN: It seems, from what we’ve seen, that they were hungry. MATT: “I’ve done a bit of research overnight, and it seems that gnolls are known to be very "aggressively hungry creatures. Could say famished to the point of obsession.” LAURA: I feel their pain. TALIESIN: I can understand that. LIAM: So you wish to hire us. How much? We are very experienced, but we’d like to know what we’re talking about in advance. What kind of money are we talking about? MATT: “The deal stands. 30 gold per gnoll ear, proof of a dead gnoll. If you can recover any of "the missing townsfolk here in Alfield and bring them back safely, I’d be willing to pay 25 gold a "head, returned.” SAM: What if we find a dead body and bring it back? LIAM: Is there some lesser number for those? MATT: “There is, because even if they are gone, we would wish to bury those we’ve lost. I could "probably muster ten gold per retrieved member of the Alfield citizenry.” LAURA: Specifically their heads, too? MATT: “Preferably all of them. Whatever you can find.” LIAM: It is permissible, is what they’re saying here. MATT: “Seeing what these creatures did last night, I don’t know what state you’ll find any of "them, but I’m being hopeful.” TRAVIS: Do you know what area they might have gone to? MATT: “They seemed to be heading east, to a northeast direction. That’s where the scouts went "before they left. I wish I had more information for you, but that may be the place to start.” LIAM: Could you tell us at least what the landscape is like in that direction, what is over there? MATT: “There are some spotty woods on the outskirts of the town that Alfield was built "into. Beyond that, it’s rolling hills and fields. There are some older, long grown-over settlements "that have been abandoned. Small-scale, but honestly, beyond here it’s mainly fields.” LAURA: I bet we can find some ghosts. TALIESIN: I always love a ruin. MATT: “If I might offer some advice: If you do see a ghost, don’t engage.” LAURA: Do you know where they are? So we know how to steer clear? MATT: “My dear, there are ghosts everywhere in this world. It’s far more ancient than you assume.” LAURA: Ooh! MARISHA: Bryce, some of these gnolls were undead, or raised from the dead. Do you have any inkling as to why, or have you seen that problem around here before? MATT: “I don’t know as to why, but it’s not uncommon, from what I could ascertain. Whatever "dark powers they worship, it seems, allows some to progress beyond death. Rumors are that when gnolls "go hungry and left to feed on each other, what remains rises to fight alongside those that still live.” LAURA: That would be why some of them have chunks missing out of them. LIAM: This comes from research you have done, that you have read up on? Would you be able to share this reading with me, so that we are fully prepared? MATT: “Honestly, I just shared with you most of all that I had learned.” LIAM: Just a small book. TRAVIS: More of a pamphlet, actually. MATT: “The only other bit of information I was able to pull from that was, they have this thing, "this entity that they worship. It has a name.” Pulls out a few small notes. LAURA: Fire hydrant. SAM: Does it start with an A? Sometimes if you go down through the alphabet, A, B– MATT: As you’re saying this, they pull a small series of notes from their pocket. “Yeenoghu.” SAM: With a Y? That would have taken forever. MATT: Let that be a lesson, young halfling. LIAM: With a Y? Yeenogru? ALL: Yeenoghu. MATT: “I don’t know how to pronounce it, I only read it. I apologize.” TALIESIN: Do I know anything about Yeenoghu? MATT: Make a religion check. With advantage. TALIESIN: A religion check? 18. MATT: It sparks a memory in you. Information floods your mind, and you recall hearing about various demonic leaders of the Abyss. Creatures that once walked the prime plane. You see images of this large, bestial, feral, angry demon. Ever-hungering, ever wandering to conquer and devour in its wake, leaving destruction, fetid meat, and waves of yipping, angry hyenas to devour what was left behind. TALIESIN: Thank you. LIAM: Sorry, another question. May I call you Bryce? MATT: “Of course.” LIAM: Bryce. We were just about to go inside the barn here and get outfitted for this– for many things, but especially now that we are going to go take care of this problem. Do you have any sort of pull with these people? Might we get any friendly– TRAVIS: Advance? LIAM: No. Well, sure, but I’m talking about some sort of discount for getting ready for the road. We’re not that flush. MATT: “It’s not so much about that, more than these aren’t well-to-do people in their own right, "and right now, honestly, rebuilding–” LIAM: It’s asking a bit much, I was too forward. MATT: “That’s all right. But you, as I know quite well from personal experience, have some coin to "your name. Perhaps that will be of aid to you.” LIAM: Yes. TALIESIN: One last quick question, though. What do the gnolls normally eat? MATT: “As far as I could tell, whatever living things they can get their hands on.” TALIESIN: Those buffalo creatures that we see roaming around? MATT: “Probably.” TALIESIN: Good to know. MATT: “I will say, if there are any surviving captives, then haste is very much key. For if they "are as hungry as they seem, regardless of the massive volume they have acquired through the "evening, I know not how many their number is, or how hungry they are. Take too long, there may not "be much left to find.” LAURA: We’ll get this stuff and head right out. LIAM: Sorry, my curiosity gets the best of me, always. You are talking about buff– “buffaro” creatures, or something? We saw these beasts on the outskirts of town. They look brown-furred, beast of burden-type creature? Do you know what those animals are? MATT: “Right, yes. The valley aurochs.” LIAM: Valley aurochs? Got it, thank you. All right, we should get ready for the road. Walking into the store. LAURA: Was it hit at all? Was the store that we’re going into destroyed at all? MATT: No, this was far enough west. It was mainly just a few buildings in the eastern side. Coming from where the woods were, it seemed like they were using cover of tree and canopy upon the incursion, then immediately assaulted partway into the eastern part of the city, burned it from the middle, and then used the flames to escape out the back. What were you about to say? MARISHA: (gasps) Bryce? TRAVIS and MARISHA: (exaggerated coughing) MATT: “Yes? Are you all right?” MARISHA: Sorry, a lot on my mind. Speaking of the aurochs, I asked you yesterday if you’d heard if any of the farmers had had their cattle hit? You heard that yet? MATT: “I could ask around. It does happen on occasion.” MARISHA: It’s fine. We’ll ask on our way out. It’s good. TRAVIS: Hey, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah? MATT: “If you’ll excuse me, I do have something to get to. But good luck and godspeed.” LAURA: Have fun dealing with the dick. MATT: “I’ll do my best.” Bryce turns around and leaves. LAURA: Did I recognize Starosta Kosh? Did he seem like the type that would have made a little side trip down to– because he seems like the type. TRAVIS: Was that a character-DM inside joke? MARISHA: I know; I feel like I learned something. MATT: Make an intelligence check. TALIESIN: I’m filing, I’m putting a wall between that. SAM: I can’t read your dice at all. LAURA: Intelligence, 18. MATT: The robe coloring is what caught you, and the hair. The specific slicked and parted comb. You have seen this individual before. You were younger. Maybe eight or so years ago. Eight or nine years. LAURA: Good to know. TALIESIN: You’re just made of secrets, aren’t you? Just made of secrets. TRAVIS: Caleb. LIAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: In my personal holdings– I don’t really remember putting this there– but apparently I have five sticks of incense that I have no intention of using. LIAM: Oh yeah? TRAVIS: Will that do you any good? LIAM: Well, that would be worth about– how much, DM? MATT: What does this incense come from? TRAVIS: I think it was part of a thing. I don’t know. LIAM: A pack or something? TRAVIS: It’s D&D Beyond. I don’t know. MATT: Oh, so it’s part of an adventuring pack, then. TRAVIS: I think so, yes. MATT: It would be negligible by comparison. I’d say maybe, at most, five silver’s worth. At most. LIAM: That is really very– TRAVIS: Changed your day, didn’t it? Everything’s coming up flowers now. LIAM: Yes, this has helped me immeasurably. TRAVIS: Don’t mention it. LAURA: Wait, wait. How much incense do you need? LIAM: Well, it depends on how much I want to do with it. I want my cat back. But I was in the realm of 15 or 20 gold I’m going to spend here today, if they have that much. LAURA: On incense?! And that five sticks was five silver’s worth? LIAM: Did anyone say that out loud? SAM: She has a good eye for value. LAURA: That is a lot of incense to burn. MATT: Well, there’s a lot of parts to– LIAM: It’s not quantity. It is the quality of the incense. And this was top-shelf, but I still need more. So, in we go. And then I say: Thank you, big guy. And I punch him and I walk in. TRAVIS: As he walks away, I’m like: Ow! (laughter) MATT: I think both of you do that, as you both separate. LIAM: Keep up a good face for two seconds. MATT: As you walk into Broad Barn, there are five other individuals that are coming through and picking up thick cloth for cleaning. One person is picking up a few different burn balm kits. On the far end, as they’re checking out, there is an extremely old gentleman with this giant, gnarled tuft of a chin beard that merges with this halo, like a lion’s mane of white hair. He has this really thin, long, crooked nose. Almost like Engywook from NeverEnding Story, but no glasses. He’s trying to keep a smile in the rather dark faces of the people that are coming in, with the evening’s events coming around. As you guys walk in and approach, he glances down and goes, “Well. "If y'all need something, y'all just let me know.” SAM: Oh boy. West Virginia. LAURA: Do you have any pickles? MATT: “Y'all want pickles?” LAURA: You seem like the type of place that would carry pickles. MATT: He leans back and rummages through what sounds like a small paper bag. LAURA: They come in barrels, usually. You get barrels of pickles. MATT: There’s a small glass mason jar with two pickles and he goes, “I’m willing to part with "these here pickles!” LAURA: Is it poop in a jar? Or is it pickles? MATT: No, it’s pickles. It looks like he may have just pulled it out of his lunch. TRAVIS: Only you would put poop in a jar, Jester. LAURA: That’s true. MATT: “I could part with them for around three copper?” LAURA: That is a good deal, sir, and I will give you the copper. TALIESIN: Do you need more copper? Are you all right? LAURA: No, hold on. No, I’ve got copper around somewhere. TALIESIN: Okay, because I’ll give you two copper if I get one of those pickles. LAURA: Okay! Here, I pick some lint off one of the coppers that I have. MATT: He takes the copper from you. TALIESIN: I pass him the two copper. MATT: He takes the copper from you. Slides forward the pickles and goes, (laughs) “Good deal!” LIAM: Excuse me. I just inhaled my own spit. MATT: “Don’t do that! That is not conducive to a lengthy lifetime.” LIAM: (Speak N Spell voice) I am okay. (as Caleb) I am needing a very fine kind of incense, and I don’t know if that is the type of thing this establishment would carry, but it’s very important. Do you have that sort of thing? MATT: “You want incense? That’s fancy.” LIAM: I’m sorry, it’s very noisy in the shop. What did you say? MATT: “It’s really fancy, them incense.” LIAM: Well, look at me. Can you not tell how fancy I am? MATT: “That’s why I’m curious.” LIAM: Well. You know, I’ve been on the road a long time and I’m carrying a smell with me, if you cannot tell. MATT: “I got incense!” LIAM: To the point, I like it. I would like to spend about 20 gold worth of incense. Do you have that much? I don’t mean cheap shit. MATT: “What kind of establishment do you take me for?” LIAM: Well, it’s a barn, ja? MATT: “Touché.” He wanders away from there and gathers any semblance of anything that could be considered incense to some degree. It’s a massive volume, it’s– when he said quality over quantity, this is definitely a quantity circumstance. Two big burlap sacks filled with all sorts of fine ground herbs and things that could amount to– LIAM: I would like to make an insight check to make sure it’s not oregano. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: Come on, where’s the druid? That’s what would be for oregano. That’s Vex. This one. LAURA: But she would know if you were swindling. LIAM: Perception? MATT: No, that’ll be insight. LIAM: Insight? Oh, that’s much better. That is an elf. TRAVIS and LAURA: A what? MATT: An elf. LIAM: Elf. 11. You just learned something, everybody. It’s 11 in German. MATT: He seems to be doing the best he can. LIAM: Good. This is really good. I will give you 17 gold for all this. MATT: “Deal!” LIAM: One. Two. (continues counting) SAM: While he’s counting this out, is there anyone else in the store? Anyone at all? MATT: At this point, there’s three other people in the store, and they’re slowly filtering out. SAM: Do I see any little trinkets or anything? Little brass things? Little baby bottles? Anything? MATT: It seems that most everything they have here– a lot of them are basic farming supplies. There are a few metallic joints that could be used for when you’re tapping a keg. They have some keg taps there. They have– oh my god. LAURA: You’re such a dick. LIAM: 16. SAM: Oh, that one fell. LIAM: 16. And I push the 16 gold forward. MATT: (slamming) “I appreciate your patronage.” LIAM: These are heavy. TALIESIN: I know this may be a stretch, but do you have maybe any healing potions or anything like that? Or maybe– this might be weird– some kind of poisons maybe? MATT: “That’s pretty weird. I’m going to say there, sir, I mean you look pretty weird. That’s a "pretty weird request. No, we do not carry poisons.” TALIESIN: For dealing with pests on a farm. That sort of thing. MATT: “We have insecticides.” TALIESIN: Think that will work on a gnoll? TRAVIS: Yeah! Insecticide. Pesticide. Herbicide. MARISHA: An insecticide generally refers to insects. And we’re talking gnolls. LAURA: But it’s usually poison you put– TRAVIS: Yeah, but you ever chugged a bunch of insecticide? That’s a bad day. TALIESIN: Stuff is stuff, it’s bad for anybody. I guess. LIAM: Is it flammable? Do I know if it’s flammable? MARISHA and TALIESIN: How much is it? MATT: “For about a vial that big? A silver.” MARISHA: You’re going to have to use a lot. TALIESIN: What would that really– If I were to drink that right now, what do you think that would do to me? MATT: “Probably have some real serious shits for a few days.” TRAVIS: It’s like Visine. TALIESIN: Wow, really? SAM: May I examine it? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Okay. I’m going to look at it. Smell it. Look at the fluid. Do I know anything about this chemical at all? MATT: You do. It’s a very diluted form of acute poison, to the point where it wouldn’t actually affect any larger creature. But if put in a large batch of water used to spray down crops, certain insects– what are they called again? I forget– aphids, things like that would die off. SAM: Aphids? Oh, that’s nothing. It won’t really do much. TALIESIN: Do you know about these sorts of things? SAM: Sometimes. Not a lot. TALIESIN: That’s very impressive. LIAM: Nott, you’re selling yourself short. SAM: Speaking of– and I’ll ask him for the components to make acid. Does he have that stuff? MATT: Yeah. In a very Anarchist Cookbook kind of way. He doesn’t sell you acid, but there are the materials available where you could create it. SAM: Okay. How much for all this shit? (laughter) MATT: How many vials’ worth are you looking for? SAM: Just one. MATT: Just one? “This will run you about 12 gold.” SAM: All right. That’s fine. LAURA: Oh, can you throw a med kit in there with it, if you have any left? MATT: He looks around. “I’m afraid we’re clear out. Bit of a– ” LAURA: You have things going on. MATT: “Lot of things. Sorry.” LAURA: It’s fine. MATT: “My apologies.” LAURA: No, it’s okay. I have this pickle. MATT: “It’s a good pickle.” TALIESIN: It was. MARISHA: Is it a good pickle, though? LAURA: I haven’t tried it. I just drank the juice, but he ate it. TALIESIN: I ate mine. It was quite good. Now we’re just sharing the juice at this point. MARISHA: Guys, let’s go kill gnolls. TRAVIS: Just the juice? TALIESIN: Juice is great! TRAVIS: It is. With a little whiskey. MATT: (groans) MARISHA and LAURA: Picklebacks! MATT: Brine drinkers. MARISHA: Nom nom nom! TRAVIS: Like cheeseburger in a shot glass. MARISHA: Yeah, so good! MATT: Ugh, stop it. LAURA: Are we prepared now to go? SAM: Wait, no. LIAM: No, I have things to do. SAM: Do you sell any healing potions? TALIESIN: I asked that. SAM: You asked that already? TALIESIN: Yeah, I did ask that. SAM: Oh. Never mind! MATT: “We’re not really purveyors of healing potions, and those that have are usually held by "the Crownsguard.” TALIESIN: Wait, the Crownsguard? Really? LAURA: We didn’t ask Bryce for any healing potions. TALIESIN: We should ask Bryce for some healing potions. MATT: You actually asked the night before, and Bryce had said that they’re currently being used to tend to the people that were in really bad places. It’s hard to walk through a war zone and be like, “Hey guys! Do you have supplies?” TRAVIS: What do you need to do for the rest of the day, Caleb? LIAM: Well, I would really like to get my cat back, so I would need about an hour to go do a little stuff. Do you have anything else to do? LAURA: I mean, there are people getting chopped up and eaten. But if you really want a cat. LIAM: What are we doing? Are we taking our cart? TALIESIN: Take the cart? And get some meat from the butcher? LAURA: We might be able to go faster. TRAVIS: I think if we were a little spread it would help. LIAM: Well, okay. Maybe I can put it on hold, although I really hate to. But let’s come up with what are we doing? What is the plan? TRAVIS: Well, I would follow the direction they left last night. See if we can find a trail. SAM: We’re just going to go into the belly of the beast? Because one of them shot me and killed me with an arrow. We could draw them out. TRAVIS: Yeah, you just stay behind Caleb. You’ll be fine. LAURA: You didn’t die, Nott. I saved you. SAM: Thank you so much, but I don’t want to be in that predicament again! Can we draw them out somehow? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: They are fond of meat. Here’s my idea. We stage a barbecue contest. Finest in the land! All the best barbecue will be there! And then, when they come to sample our wares, I run and you kill them. TRAVIS: You know, I love that idea. Small thing, though. Time, again, is of the essence. SAM: Because you want to slow cook that stuff to be really good. It’s true. TRAVIS: Right. Dry aged. Really get a good hickory chip under them. Problem is, people might be dying in the meantime. So if we could find a more expedient solution? LIAM: Oh, so were you thinking of having a barbecue here or setting up a barbecue on the road? LAURA: I’m think in the middle of a field, yes. So that it’s– LIAM: Just a random field? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: It’ll take a while to make the signage alone. LAURA: So it seems like less of a trap. TRAVIS: Beau had an idea! Get them, Beau! You tell her– MARISHA: No, you take it for her, please. TRAVIS: Beau had a fantastic observation. If we happen to see one of those beasts of burden on our way out tracking, maybe we could wrangle one up and use it as a bait. LAURA: And if we don’t see one, then Fjord, you’re the biggest. TALIESIN: That’s fair. LIAM: Either way, we will probably need the cart. TALIESIN: We could also see what they still have at the butcher’s. TRAVIS: To bring people back. LAURA: And bring people back! SAM: And maybe one extra horse. MARISHA: What did you say, Molly? TALIESIN: Or we could see what else they still have at the butcher’s. There’s a butcher. MARISHA: Well, the butcher got severely cleaned out. TALIESIN: Well, we just heard that, he might– TRAVIS: I think you’re right. Extra horse. We need the cart. LIAM: To carry one of those beasts if we kill one. MARISHA: If we can try and figure out a way to set up our operation on the edge of the forest so that we’re not in the middle of a field, in the open– LIAM: Well, is the point to try to– I’m sorry, no, you finish your thought. MARISHA: Hills are bad to fight in, unless you’re on top of the hill. That’s good. LIAM: I’m not a tactician, but I have a question. MARISHA: Go ahead. LIAM: Are we trying to go back to these things where they live? Their lair, their home, their camp? Or are we hoping to luck into them on the road or–? TRAVIS: I think we’d be making a best guess at this point. My best hope is to find out where they are. What it looks like where they’re staying, and if we can, without confrontation, get some survivors out of there. That would be ideal. LIAM: I like that idea as well. MARISHA: Actually, that’s not a bad idea at all. Maybe we could have like a survivor round up team and a defense team? LAURA: But then how do we get all of the ears? TRAVIS: I’m just putting it out there: maybe survivors before ears. MARISHA: We can always go back out and get more ears whenever we damn feel like it. LIAM: Well, that’s the thing. We can do both, but there is a timestamp on the people. We should take care of the people first. Because then we’re increasing how much gold we will bring in because if they die then we will not get as much money for them if they are alive. We should get them alive. Get them out. Kill the baddies if we can at the same time, and if not, go back a second time. TRAVIS: I thought you said you weren’t a tactician, look at you! SAM: He’s very smart. TALIESIN: Extremely tactile. TRAVIS: Caleb’s plan! Let’s do it! LIAM: No social graces. Let’s do this. MARISHA: Let’s go! TRAVIS and MARISHA: Break! SAM: Are we getting another horse? LAURA: We’re going to ask Bryce if they have a horse to spare. SAM: Why don’t you four go get horses? Me and the C-man will go get some incense and stuff. TRAVIS: C-man? I thought I was the seaman? Fucking get your titles right. Come on, brother, you know you want to! I’m a proud son of a bitch! SAM: Sorry! You’re a seaman. LIAM: Wait, so now we need time? TALIESIN: We’re going to go get a horse, you don’t need to be here for that. LIAM: Oh god. I really want my cat, but maybe– SAM: Let’s go get some incense! I need to buy some tarts. LIAM: We’ll get the tarts. Maybe it would be handier as a bird. LAURA: You need a tart? SAM: I need a tart. LAURA: Oh, well, why didn’t you say something? Hold on, let me dig. SAM: That’s a bag of pastries! LAURA: There’s this one– SAM: Wow! LAURA: Hold on. I think there’s a blackberry one somewhere in here. SAM: Ooh, I can’t tell what this used to be. LAURA: It’s kind of gross; I’m sorry. SAM: Is that the top or the bottom? LAURA: I can’t tell anymore. It’s all black. Sorry! SAM: I have two tarts! MATT: Yes. Very stale. SAM: I’m taking them. MATT: You can’t tell if the sour smell is intentional flavor or just time taking its toll. It’ll be tart one way or the other. TRAVIS: Do we see any crownsguard around? In the street. MATT: Over time you will. They’re scattered a bit thin and a lot of them are currently focused on either perimeter watch, in case they come back, or helping out those that need help inside the city. TRAVIS: I’d just like to find one, if I could. MATT: Within ten minutes of wandering through the city as you guys have gathered yourselves and begun heading towards the eastern side, you see a crownsguard who is currently walking by with some washrags under one arm and a little streak of dried blood down the side of their face. Looks to be a young man probably in his mid-20s or so. Longish hair that’s been heavily braided on the sides and then pinned to the back in a tuft of a ponytail. TRAVIS: Howdy! MATT: “Yes?” TRAVIS: Sorry to bother, but we’ve been commissioned by Bryce to make a little expedition to go after those gnolls and we’re going to need an extra steed if the Crownsguard has one. MATT: “We’re not allowed to give out any Crownsguard supplies. If you’re looking for a "steed, you’d probably have to go to the On the Wind Stables. They’re going to be your best bet.” TRAVIS: Where would those be? MATT: “Right–” and points over towards the northern side of the town. It’s one of the buildings that’s taken a little bit of fire damage. TRAVIS: Are you concerned about the people that live in this town? Clock’s ticking on their lives and you want me to go get a steed from another stable instead of saving their lives? MATT: “It’s not–” TRAVIS: I sure would hate to have to report this to Bryce. I think they’d be pretty upset about it. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: “Look, I mean no offense whatsoever and if– I can go find Bryce and see if we– the "Watchmaster would be much more suited to–” TRAVIS: Your name? MATT: “Reggie.” TRAVIS: Reggie. I’m disappointed, Reggie. I don’t know what else to say. Let’s go. (laughter) LAURA: Should we go to the stables then? TRAVIS: Fuck yeah. Now! LIAM: Reggie, this town has been hit hard, you look very weary and maybe a little down on your luck yourself. Maybe I’m just reading into things, but I would gladly pay you a silver for this horse. TALIESIN: Let me tell you, Reggie, it would be the best deal you could possibly make. I’m going to use Charm Person. MATT: Did not make that DC check. Reggie glances over at you. He goes, “Let me see what I can do,” and quickly makes his way northward to the outside of the stables. TRAVIS: Very nice! TALIESIN: Thank you! MATT: About five minutes pass and you can hear the clopping of hooves as Reggie comes back with a very obstinate beast on the reins. Dragging it towards you, slowly guiding it. Reggie doesn’t seem to be a very trained individual when it comes to handling creatures, especially beasts of burden. “Will this do?” MARISHA: Oh good, I see you brought us your best, Reggie. Thanks, man. TALIESIN: Ignore her, she’s very difficult. MATT: Hands you the reins. TALIESIN: You’re a hero. Thank you. MATT: “Best I could do. Good luck.” LIAM: Here’s that copper. Thank you. MATT: “Thank you.” TALIESIN: I hand him a silver also. MATT: “Thank you. Thank you.” LIAM: Silver’s way too little for a horse. TALIESIN: You said silver and we’re being fair! MATT: “Just bring it back– it’s on loan! It’s on loan.” TALIESIN: If we come back, it comes back. LAURA: Probably. We definitely won’t use it as bait for the gnolls. Okay, bye! TRAVIS: We make our way over to where we left our other horse and cart. MATT: Okay, easy enough to find. You placed it at a hitching post with a little bit of feed over the evening. Your cart and horse are safe and at your disposal. MARISHA: I saw them take off into the forest. I tracked a little bit right between those trees. I don’t know, we can start there. LAURA: I bet they left a lot of tracks and probably some cart things. TRAVIS: I don’t know why, I thought you were going to say they left behind poop. LAURA: They probably did! Oh my god! They weren’t wearing any underwear, were they? MATT: They were wearing cobbled-together or scavenged bits of leather and hide armors. LAURA: But did it have holes for their butts? MATT: It seemed like most of them would have had some means of disposing of their excrement. LIAM: They don’t care, they’re swinging low and leaving it behind. MATT: They weren’t very well-dressed. TRAVIS: If that’s the direction you saw them head off in, check it out. MARISHA: I’ll be on the lookout for cart tracks. LIAM: As we go, and also, we didn’t have time, so here, off you go. I will sit in the cart and go blind. MATT: Okay. While you are sending Frumpkin to keep a watch, you are keeping an eye out for tracks. Make a survival check, please. MARISHA: It’s not my strongest, but it’s okay. LAURA: I’m keeping an eye out for poop. MARISHA: 16. No wait! I rolled a natural 16, so 19! I thought it was a 13; I apologize. MATT: Very quickly you come upon a number of gnoll footprints in the ground. Seem to be multiple cart tracks. That was the one that you saw. LAURA: (gasps) Oh no! MARISHA: Wait, are there nearby towns? Are there other nearby villages? MATT: There were multiple carts. MARISHA: Oh, we only saw one. LIAM: The last one. MARISHA: Okay, can I get like an odd estimate of maybe how many gnolls we might be dealing with based on the amount of tracks? MATT: With that roll, I’d say you surmise somewhere in the neighborhood of about 18 or so gnolls. From what you can gather on the tracks that you found. TALIESIN: Would my Hunter’s Bane be useful for that? For tracking these creatures? MATT: You can attempt to glean information. TALIESIN: Since they technically have some undead around them? MATT: For the specific– sure. Go ahead and make a survival check to see if you can even find those tracks. TALIESIN: Just a standard one? Standard survival check. All right. MATT: Well, technically you’re tracking undead, so you get advantage on this one. TALIESIN: 17. MATT: Same degree. You find the tracks, you see there is the remnants of this gnoll horde returning towards a similar direction. You find three sets of cart tracks. MARISHA: I turn to the rest of the group and I go: Good news, we’re real stupid if we thought we couldn’t track them, because there’s a fuckton of them. That’ll be easy. Bad news is, oh god, there’s a fuckton of them. That’s it. TRAVIS: Yeah, that is bad news. Are the carts all heading in the same direction or would they split up? MATT: They all converge into one path. They head through the relatively thin woods that surround the northeastern side of Alfield. As you progress on that path out to the other side of the woods, continue into the northeastern fields where the rolling hills begin, these hills seem to go on for miles. LIAM: Frumpkin would be in the air 300-400 feet in front of the cart and I wouldn’t do 100% of the time, but I would talk for three minutes and then maybe go: hold on one sec (magic sound effect) and then come back. So intermittent. MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check. TRAVIS: Tall grass on these rolling hills? MARISHA: Or is it just open fucking hills? TRAVIS: Picked by beasts or– MATT: No, no. It’s tall grass across the hills– LIAM: Seven. MATT: The grass can vary anywhere from knee-high to chest-high in places. The hills towards the top can get a little more rocky. There are patches where the grass doesn’t grow as well and there’s open dirt and broken shale. After about an hour or so of tracking in that direction, you come upon the Rillway Road, which is the main road that heads up towards Felderwin. You can see it a little ways off. LIAM: Also, in this time I would have told the rest of the group: Before Nott and I arrived in Trostenwald, just outside the city limits, we were waylaid by gnolls previously and they were hiding in grass just like this. It was very much like this so we should be– I’m getting very nervous right now looking at it all. TALIESIN: In theory, am I actively tracking these creatures? The undead at least. MATT: The undead tracks are falling in line with her tracking. They’re moving as a group, but there are far less undead tracks than there are regular gnolls, so as best you can to keep tabs on it. TALIESIN: I’m curious how much of this Hunter’s Bane I can actually be using right now. MATT: You’d be leading if she hadn’t made an equally good roll, so now both of you are leading this. TRAVIS: The grass, is it dead or vibrant green? MATT: Vibrant green, for the most part. The wind is picking up a little bit and you can see, especially when you start coming up over some of the bigger hills, you can see the waves cresting over the hillside and causing the shift of it. It’s a very beautiful space. TRAVIS: Is it still the morning hour or about midday? MATT: At this point now, you’ve been travelling, we’ll say an hour and a half. It’s getting close to noon. TRAVIS: High noon? MATT: Yes. LIAM: You know, I know it’s actually about 11:37, so we’re not quite there yet. By the position of the sun. TRAVIS: Oh no! Don’t do it! Oh no! (nervous laughter) TALIESIN: He’s sorry! TRAVIS: It was right there! MATT: I know. Anyway. LIAM: Beholder! MATT: Don’t think I’m not tempted. MARISHA: How rough and how open is our situation right now? Are we in the middle of an open field? MATT: You’re pretty much in the middle of an open field. But the tracks you can see– Because you can see the Rillway Road south of you and the tracks begin to shift further north. As they were heading back, they were keeping off the road best they can as well. You also do notice that within the tracks you do find bits of grass that are spattered with drying blood. You don’t know how fresh it is. Go ahead and make a perception check. MARISHA: Remember how I was like, this is the worst situation to be in? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: I feel like this might be the worst situation to be in. TRAVIS: Right. MARISHA: Survival? MATT: Perception. MARISHA: Perception? Oh no. Did you see that? LAURA: It’s a one? MARISHA: One. MATT: As you’re having this conversation with Fjord, you’re just not paying attention to the road in front of you. MARISHA: God. LAURA: If we’re sitting in the cart, is the grass taller than us or is it way lower than us? MATT: No, it’s about as tall as the cart at times, at times it’s lower. You guys do stand out amongst the grass. As you head over the hills, or down below, you are above the grass line without an issue. LIAM: Walking on the ground as a human, is it up to here, or– MATT: Yeah, it’s about up to your chest at times. Waist to chest. It varies. LAURA: If I stand up in the cart as we go, can I see out into the grass? MATT: Yeah, if you wanted. MARISHA: What if I gave Jester a ride on my shoulders? While we walked. SAM: On a moving cart? MATT: What could possibly go wrong? LIAM: You’ve seen Teen Wolf, ja? MARISHA: In the cart, and I’m holding you. It’d be kind of cool! MATT: I’ll allow it. Go ahead and make a perception check, Jester. LIAM: Here goes all Jester’s teeth. LAURA: 19! MATT: Make a strength check. MARISHA: Okay. Like a saving throw or just a check? MATT: Just a check. LIAM: Come on, roll a 20. Make it happen. MARISHA: That’s okay. It’s a 14. MATT: Right as your eyes catch something, you drop for a second, but Beau’s beneath you (groans) just barely holding you, the elbows start to buckle a bit, but rallies and (groans) holds you up above. You flatten your back out and give a graceful pose as you look ahead. LAURA: I’m flying! I’m flying, Jack! MARISHA: (strained) Yeah, you are! TRAVIS: King of the world! MATT: As you guys are coming up over a hill, you get a good view down, and you can see between the tall grass and the high weeds that are beginning to cluster this vicinity, there is a series of large hills that all break down into this valley where the grass just ends in this area. It looks like it’s barren rock and dirt. You notice, with that perception check, a few carts, a few broken boxes, some tables or contraptions. There’s some semblance of civilization here amongst these hills off the road. LAURA: (gasps) There’s carts! I see the carts! I jump up and down in her hands. MARISHA: Oh god– (grunts) SAM: Are there people in the carts? MATT: She drops you. LAURA: Oh, are there people in the carts? Can I see? MATT: They appear to be empty. LAURA: They’re empty! SAM: Abandoned? LAURA: Maybe. SAM: I’m going to start drinking. MARISHA: Jester, I’m going to put you down. MATT: Okay. How much do you drink? SAM: I’m going to take three big swigs. MATT: Okay, good to know. LIAM: I would like to use Frumpkin to do a once-around from above to see if any of those beasts are on the horizon anywhere for us to kill, and also if there are any survivors or anything here. MATT: Perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: That is a 13. MATT: 13, good to know. LAURA: Should we pull the cart over and sneak up? TRAVIS: Yes. By foot is how we should proceed. LAURA: Okay. Let’s pull the cart over and hide it in the grass. MARISHA: Yeah. I help Jester hide the cart. LAURA: Oh, but our horses. What if they get eaten? SAM: (nervous) It’s all right. It’s fine. We don’t care about the horses. Let’s just save ourselves. Who cares about the horses? LAURA: But how are we going to get all the people back if we don’t have horses to pull the cart? SAM: That’s true. LIAM: From 100 feet up, I can see through Frumpkin’s eyes all of us being a bunch of dumb fucks in the back of the cart. MATT: It’s true. SAM: Should we leave someone back to protect the horses? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Seems a waste. TRAVIS: Would you want to be the one person that got attacked with the horses by yourself? SAM: No. TRAVIS: Yeah, I didn’t think so. We stick together. SAM: All right. I’ll be part of the Fjord expedition. (laughter and groaning) LIAM: The crew! The crew groaned! LAURA: I heard a groan. SAM: That wasn’t a groan, that was like– ugh. LIAM: Disgust? TALIESIN: That was nausea! MATT: I feel like I passed a stone. TRAVIS: Yep. Now I’m ready to die. (laughter) MATT: All right, what’s the plan, guys? LAURA: I’m going to– does anybody have to sneeze? TRAVIS and SAM: What? LAURA: Anybody feel like they need to– TALIESIN: Should we? SAM: Sneeze? What? Why– TRAVIS: That would give away our stealthy approach. SAM: Oh. I see. LAURA: Because… Bless you! I give you Blessing of the Trickster. TRAVIS: Holy shit. LIAM: I was waiting for the punchline. TALIESIN: What does Blessing of the Trickster do? LAURA: You have advantage on stealth. TALIESIN: I have advantage on “smealth,” that’s great. MATT: “Smealth.” TALIESIN: On “smealth.” He who “smealth” it. MATT: Mm-hmm. All right, what are you guys doing with the cart and the horses? LAURA: We’re hiding it in the tall grass. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: No rocks around, right? No stones or boulders in the field? MATT: Not that big. The hills themselves are– it’s just large rolling hills in this whole valley area. TRAVIS: I was trying to get it in the depression of a rolling hill and just– MATT: Okay. You have to back up a bit to get it out of view. LIAM: I’d like to point out that we came up with a loose plan, but we’re not doing that plan. LAURA: What was our loose plan? We didn’t see any of them? TRAVIS: We haven’t seen anything yet. MARISHA: We’re not in any tree line or anything. LIAM: Also, in a pinch, we could kill the horses. TRAVIS: Kill the horses? Oh, to use as– that’s right, we could. LAURA: But we won’t be able to pull the cart. I’m really strong, but I don’t know if I can carry that many people. SAM: She’s lying, she’s not really strong. LAURA: I am really strong, though. SAM: Really? TALIESIN: We wouldn’t have to kill the horse, we could just send the horse– TRAVIS: Let’s find out what we see first, and then we’ll decide. TALIESIN: Sure. Recon. LAURA: That’s not normally how you test strength. SAM: I don’t know, I’m not strong. MARISHA: Let’s flank. Around. TRAVIS: Everybody fan out in a firing line, just one straight line– SAM: We’re going away from each other? TRAVIS: Just within eye distance, right? But keep a line. TALIESIN: Answered my question. I was curious what flanking was. TRAVIS: Keep in line. We’re going to move towards the cart. We’re going to use the tall grass. LAURA: Towards the three carts? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Do we need to have some sort of awesome whistle or something? To communicate with each other? TRAVIS: I’m open to it, if you have any. MARISHA: Oh, what was that thing you did in the circus? That was cool. (whistling) LIAM: (spitting noise) I can’t do that. (various whistling noises) LIAM: How about we don’t make any noise at all, but we just sneak in? TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s do that. MATT: Having placed the cart where what you assume is the best you can hide it, who is helming the hiding of the cart? LAURA: Me! MATT: Go ahead and make a survival check. LIAM: I will also help with that. MATT: All right. If you’re aiding, then do it with advantage. LIAM: Okay. Lift with the legs! LAURA: 13. MATT: Okay. I mean, sure. LAURA: I get some grass and I put it on the cart. SAM: Put your alarm around the cart! You do it all the time! LIAM: Do we have the time for that right now? SAM: How long does it take to cast? LIAM: Right now, it will take me 11 minutes to do that. LAURA: Yeah, do it, do it! TRAVIS: People’s lives. Urgency. Clock. Time. All that stuff. LAURA: Ten minutes. Okay. SAM: All right, let’s just go. MATT: What is the marching order? LIAM: We’re coming in as a line together. MATT: All right. What’s the order of the line, then? TRAVIS: We’re all even moving forward. LAURA: But what is the order of the line? SAM: I’m to the left of Caleb there on the end. LIAM: I don’t want to be on an end. I don’t want you to be on the end. TRAVIS: I don’t mind being on an end. How about that? MARISHA: Yeah, I imagine that the ends are going to be where you need the most strength, right? LIAM: I would grab Nott by the shoulder and pull us into the middle somehow. TRAVIS: You want to be in the middle? LIAM: Yes. SAM: Let’s walk with Molly. There. Boom. Got it. MARISHA: Great. MATT: All right. We have: Molly, Nott, Caleb, Jester, Beau, then Fjord. Okay. I would like you all to make a stealth check, please. As you make your way through the grass. TALIESIN: That helps. SAM: 21. TRAVIS: 15. MARISHA: 16. LIAM: 12. TALIESIN: 16. LAURA: Ten. LIAM: Those monster calves. MATT: As you guys stay low to the grass, pushing through with your hands carefully as you go, hearing the wind occasionally rise and fall with a distant (shh), the various waves of grass beating against itself, you come upon where the grass begins to fall off. You stay low as best you can before the grass itself comes to an end right on the outskirts of where the central area between these hills begins. There, as you poke your head through, you can see three carts that are scattered a bit amongst a mineshaft yard. The exterior of a mine. You can see large, wooden pan tables; some pickaxes that are leaning against the side, the remnants of some lanterns that have rusted. There are the three carts. The carts themselves are spattered with blood. You notice three creatures, similar to the gnolls that you saw the night before, but smaller and dog-like. These are just basic hyenas that are gathered around and are licking the blood that’s soaked into the wood. One of them ends up finding a piece of meat, or something that was hanging from one side, and tears it off. Another one comes over (whines) and bites onto it, and they begin tearing and fighting over it before one of them pushes the other over and it (yelps). It goes back and begins licking the blood off the side of the wood. These three hyenas are just scavenging on the outskirt of these carts. SAM: They’re just hyenas? They’re not magical, undead hyenas? MATT: Not from what you can tell. TRAVIS: Can we see how many entrances there are to this mine yard? MATT: From this distance, you can’t see any entrances. MARISHA: Do you think they’re centurions? LIAM: I think they’re going to make a big fucking stink if we– MARISHA: If they see us? I’ll bet they’re the alert system. LAURA: (whispers) We should kill them! MARISHA: But we have to kill them all at once. LIAM: That is correct. TRAVIS: I could make a distraction. Nott, Beau, are y'all fast, quick, and quiet? SAM: Yes. LAURA: Sure. TRAVIS: Who else? SAM: No, just us. TALIESIN: I’m quietish. TRAVIS: There’s three of them, right? MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: All right. MARISHA: You want to try and make a distraction and bring them closer? To us? Then we can jump out of the grass? Do the old “jump out of the grass–” TRAVIS: About how far from the edge of the grass, where we are, to them? MATT: About 50 or so feet. 60 feet. TRAVIS: Can I use Minor Illusion to create a plump little bunny and have it hop out of the grass? But its front leg looks a little lame. MARISHA: Oh, buddy. MATT: Quietly, this plump, wounded, with a hint of pink to the fur around the arm where it looks like it may have been bleeding a bit, begins to hobble its way silently out of the grass, just beyond the edge. SAM: I’m going to hide. LAURA: Yeah, I’m going to hide. MATT: You guys are still hidden. TALIESIN: I’m going to draw one of my swords and, just out of experiment, try and get it to do that weird thing it did yesterday. With my hand. MATT: You initiate the Rite, and as you do, the blade begins to give a faint, radiant glow, a whitish-yellow light that you will almost instinctually hold low in the grass to make sure you don’t become a beacon amongst your hiding. You watch as one of the hyenas (sniffing) and begins making its way. The others look over (snarl)– they begin to gather up, and the three almost go into this pack swoop formation in the direction of the rabbit, closing in. 40 feet, 30 feet, 20 feet. With a rapid bolt, one of them runs forward and leaps out towards the rabbit and skids into the dirt past it, right to the front of the grassline where you are, Beau. TRAVIS: Now! MARISHA: (slamming) LAURA: I use Sacred Flame on the one next it. MATT: Okay, and who is doing what else? TALIESIN: I’m going to stab the third one. MATT: The three of you rush out and attack, three individual ones. What are you guys doing? LIAM: I will send Frumpkin down to the one that Jester’s attacking, right up against it to distract and chirp in its face. MATT: All right. Beau, go ahead and attack first. MARISHA: I’m going to take the blunt end of the staff and go right for it as it skids by, I’m going to take right in its neck. Ooh, not great. Ten. MATT: Ten? You go to swing, and as it sees you suddenly, it backs away, and your staff hits the dirt right next to it. (snarls) It just barely misses it. Caleb, you following up? LIAM: Caleb sends Frumpkin right down to the one that Jester was attacking and I will send out a Fire Bolt at the same time. MATT: Go for it. Roll your attack roll for the Fire Bolt. LIAM: That’s at advantage if my birdie is bothering him up close. MATT: Right. Okay. Wait, you’re going for the one that Jester is attacking? LIAM: Yeah, the one that Jester is attacking. MATT: Okay. Go for it. LIAM: That is– oh, that’s good. That is 21. MATT: 21 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LIAM: These spells are all still new to me. Oh, that’s a big one. MATT: One point of damage. LIAM: Big one point of damage. MATT: It begins to burn this small circular image on the hyena’s body. (yelping) Go ahead and– LAURA: It just has to make a dex save of over 13. MATT: With a natural one, he does not. LAURA: Yay. Then he gets four more damage, radiant. MATT: That’s enough. With the blast of the Fire Bolt, and the incineration of the Sacred Flame, you watch as that hyena bursts into fire and flops to the ground while it burns, smouldering, its flesh becoming the meals it had previously feasted upon. Molly and Nott? TALIESIN: I’ll take my run first? That’s a– wow. 17. My brain. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s seven points, plus three radiant. MATT: The first strike just completely cleaves it in half, like its momentum, running, almost like it hits the blade, and you hold it out and the momentum just carries it over, seamlessly carving through it. TALIESIN: Am I close enough to hit the third one that’s still left with my second attack? MATT: You can have movement to close it. There’s one right in front of Beau, so you’re a little ways away, but you can close the gap, while Nott and– MARISHA: I didn’t get my bonus attack on that guy. Can I get my bonus attack? MATT: Yep! MARISHA: Okay. I want to try and bring my heel down on top of it as it tries to scooch away. Fucking– did you see that? TRAVIS: I did. LIAM: Yep. 17 to a three. LAURA: You need to not use that dice for the rest of the night. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Nine. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Nine, again! SAM and TALIESIN: Nein! MATT: At first it hits the dirt, and it backs up. You move out with your heel to go ahead and swing, and it actually ducks underneath and tries to snap at your heel, as Molly closes the gap, and– TRAVIS: Would you like to go? SAM: I release my bolt at that same one. MATT: All right. SAM: 20. MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll damage. With sneak attack. SAM: 13. MATT: Yeah, Molly, as you rush up, you watch as a bolt just goes right through the side of the hyena’s head, and it just falls lifeless to the ground. All three of them out in a split second. TRAVIS: I don’t want to, like, make y'all alarmed or anything, but that was kind of fucking efficient. LAURA: Everybody but Beau, you were missing like crazy on that one. MARISHA: You know, I had a long day yesterday, okay? TRAVIS: Hands are sweaty? MARISHA: Just was faster than I thought. LAURA: Hey, look! We can use this hyena meat as bait! TRAVIS: You’re right. SAM: I’m going to go pull my bolt out of the thing. Is it recoverable? TALIESIN: Good shot. MATT: Yeah, thankfully it was a clean enough shot, didn’t seem to get caught or shatter against any of the bones. TRAVIS: Quick perimeter check to see if we alerted anything, anything’s looking at us. MATT: Perception check. TRAVIS: Natural 19. MATT: Glancing about the vicinity, does not look like anything else is moving or near or has noticed your presence. TRAVIS: Move to the cart, quick check of anything left behind, clues. SAM: Do we need to drag these bodies? TRAVIS: There’s no bodies, just blood spatter. MARISHA: Do you mean the hyenas? SAM: The hyenas. TRAVIS: Oh. We’ve got to figure out where we’re going first. TALIESIN: I’m also going to point out, they hadn’t been eating the hyenas anyway, so maybe leaving bodies of their pets is not the greatest idea? LAURA: Toss them into the grass, then, to get them out of view? TALIESIN: That might be a smarter way to go. TRAVIS: Do it. LAURA: Okay, I’ll pick them up and throw them as far as I can into the grass. MATT: Okay. Like a massive shotput, you watch as tiny Jester, with a double spin each, chucks these relatively heavy beasts deep into the grass field, where they vanish with a heavy thud into the field. LIAM: She’s like Miss Trunchbull from Matilda. TRAVIS: You’re a lot stronger than you look. LAURA: Thank you! Hey, what happened to the little bunny, though? I’m going to look for the little white rabbit. TALIESIN: Oh dear. MATT: Bunny appears to no longer be around. LAURA: That’s really sad, they ate it. TRAVIS: Yeah, boy, sure did. SAM: We’ll have a funeral later. TALIESIN: I’m going to keep a hold of my sword, but I’m going to wrap it in the coat so it’s not glowing ridiculously. LIAM: There’s just the carts, there’s the one mine entrance? MATT: You don’t see an entrance to the mine, you just see mining equipment. MARISHA: Oh, mining. I misunderstood that, too. MATT: You see pieces of equipment, and the interior of this hill valley, this short little valley, seems to have been prepped for some sort of mining expedition. SAM: There’s no mine hole? MATT: You don’t see one at the moment. LIAM: I’ll take a look around to see if there’s anything, where they started or anything like that? MARISHA: I’ll take the opposite side that he’s doing. SAM: I’m going to look in the carts. MATT: Okay. You look in the carts, and they are empty. You see a few wayward pieces of cloth, everything in there is bloodied and caked, and has streaks of it being licked up. It looks like the hyenas had been at it for a while, trying to clear off what was left behind from wherever the bodies that were within were taken. I would like you both to make investigation checks, please. And you’re following the tracks? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: Make a survival check. TALIESIN: With advantage? MATT: Because there are undead as a part of this, I will let you. TALIESIN: Survival check. MARISHA and TALIESIN: 14. LIAM: 20. MATT: It looks like the dust and the dirt in this vicinity has been freshly swept or dispersed intentionally, meaning that once this little valley had been entered, and the carts had been emptied, something was smart enough to intentionally cover their tracks. You, however– you rolled a 20, you said? As you begin to look about the base of the closest hill, facing away from where you guys had entered, in an eastern direction, you see a pattern of grasses that seem to be interwoven, as opposed to a natural pattern, there is a consistent mesh to the way they’ve been laid. SAM: It’s a comb-over. LAURA: It looks like how we put the stuff over the cart. MATT: As you glance over, you can see a net of grasses that has been woven and thrown over, leaving a small gap on the edge, where you can see the dark exterior of what was a mine shaft structure entrance. LAURA: That’s way smarter that what we did. MARISHA: A ghillie net. LIAM: But we’ll remember it for the future. TALIESIN: Yours was hand-crafted. SAM: Why don’t we just take this one? MARISHA: That’s what I was going to say, is it heavy? How big is this thing? Can we fold it up and stuff it in a bag? MATT: It’s about 12 foot by 12 foot. MARISHA: Oh, that’s big. LAURA: It could fit in a backpack. Maybe roll up. MATT: It’s pretty thick. SAM: It’s got sticks. MATT: Well, it’s thrown on and put against the grass, it doesn’t have sticks in its sides. SAM: Does it have a frame of any sort? MATT: No, it’s laid on the side of the hill. SAM: Oh, it’s a blanket! Oh, okay. We can take that. MARISHA: We can grab it on our way back and throw it on the cart. LAURA: Throw it on the cart as we’re leaving. TALIESIN: I miss being low enough level that we just take everything we find, no matter how useful. LAURA: Like in Skyrim, just wheels of cheese. All the cheese. TALIESIN: We’re going to be cracking open clay pots. MATT: The scavenger levels, man. All righty. It is too big for you to carry with you, but it can definitely be taken with you should you exit. LIAM: How about what’s behind the grass, let’s discuss this instead. MATT: All right. As you pull it back, you do see the wooden support structure of the interior of a mine shaft. As soon as you pull it back and look inside, it looks like a barricade has been partially placed up on each side. You see piles of broken furniture, stools and chairs that are shattered and jammed into each other to form some sort of a barricade on each side. You can see dry-rotted pickaxe handles, and other pieces of general wooden beams used for construction that are all pushed up against the sides, with a small path, maybe about three feet wide, that you could walk through to enter. It looks pitch black on the inside. There is no light source outside of what little bit of daylight is coming through from the entrance. LIAM: Sorry, I was thinking about a thing you were saying, there is a way through for us? MATT: There is a way, there’s about a two, three foot gap between this barricade where it made its way in, and once you enter through, you can now see, since there has not been dust put, there is a definitive trail of blood that has dragged through and caked in the loose dirt and dust. TALIESIN: Should I give it a little light, or no? SAM: Wait, before we go in– TRAVIS: You’re anxious to go. You want to go first? SAM: No! Jesus, no. No, please. There were hyenas out here, right, posted as guards? If one of the hyenas had gone (hyena howl), would something have come out of this hole to come get us? LIAM: I mean, that is a fair assumption, yeah. SAM: Then why don’t we make that sound, and wait for something to come out, and kill it. LAURA: Well, but what if it alerts a lot of the gnolls, and then we don’t have the element of surprise at all anymore? LIAM: Well, we’re talking– SAM: You want to go into that dark, scary cave? LAURA: It doesn’t look that bad to me. SAM: It is a dark, scary cave! TRAVIS: Frumpkin is still just a sweet little bird, so I thought maybe a little quick flight in– MARISHA: Canary in a gnoll mine! (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh! Oh, smash! LIAM: Jesus. MARISHA: We have to do it, it’s too perfect. TRAVIS: Canary in a gnoll mine. LIAM: That was good. TALIESIN: That was so painful. MARISHA: Sorry. LIAM: Do not be sorry. TALIESIN: There’s limits. TRAVIS: I don’t know if that’s something Frumpkin can do, unless, Nott, you just wanna go in there and go kamikaze. SAM: No! I’m drinking again. MATT: Okay. You are now officially intoxicated. SAM: I don’t have to roll, it just happens? MATT: Yep. SAM: Great. MATT: For the next hour. LAURA: What does that mean? SAM: I’ll go in if you need me to. TRAVIS: Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, yes! TALIESIN: No! Oh, wow! LAURA: Is that where “the Brave” comes from? MARISHA: That was going to be my question! TRAVIS: We get her hammered, and she’s the most fucking badass. LAURA: Oh my god, this is awesome. TRAVIS: Oh no. LIAM: Frumpkin has been a sparrow before. Sparrows don’t have darkvision, do they? MATT: No. SAM: It’s a night sparrow, he should have said. LIAM: No, it is a regular sparrow. TRAVIS: My only concern is if we draw them out, there could be more than us, right? I just want to get a quick peek, if we can. LIAM: Well, I mean, I can send him in there, he’ll probably hit the wall a few times, but if there’s any fire or anything– TRAVIS: You wouldn’t mind? LIAM: No, you know, I can always bring him back, but be careful, all right? But there he goes. MATT: Yeah, there’s no light in there. About 25 feet in, go ahead and make a perception check. LAURA: Yeah, you won’t be able to see anything through it. LIAM: 21. MATT: 21. What faint light is coming in from the interior– are you looking through? LIAM: Yeah, I am. MATT: Yeah. As soon as you come inside, about 40 feet in, the shaft widens into a common area. You see a handful of tables, some chairs, similar to what was placed within the barricade, some sacks strewn about, some torn open and scattered across the ground, some that are still lobbed in the corner. LIAM: Is that from a light source inside, or from sunlight coming in? MATT: This is just a very high perception roll with what little light is making its way in there. And that’s where it goes dark, and there’s a (thud) as Frumpkin hits a sloping ceiling. MARISHA: And dies? MATT: No, just hits the ground. LIAM: Please, no! MATT: Hits the ground, stunned. LAURA: It’s like those birds that hit our windows at home. MARISHA: That’s right, yeah. LIAM: Okay, well, I think I have seen all I am going to see for the moment, but I didn’t see anything in there. MATT: Not in that main area. LIAM: Nothing living in there that I saw? MATT: Not with what little bit Frumpkin saw with a quick glance before it got too dark and then he hit the ceiling. LIAM: Okay. Nott, my friend, I think maybe this is a time where you could– please don’t go crazy, but maybe go in 30 or 40 feet, there’s a room in there, and I don’t think there’s anything in there, but you would see. SAM: (drunkenly) I’m just going to go in there and get the gnolls. LAURA: I’m gonna bless you before you go. So you can be sneakier. SAM: Great. TRAVIS: Consonants are gone! SAM: Can sparrows hear? LIAM: I can hear through my sparrow. SAM: I could bring the sparrow, you could at least hear what’s going on, like a walkie talkie. MARISHA: Like a walkie talkie! LIAM: That’s correct. Richtig. Go. SAM: Okay. I’ll take the sparrow, jam it in there. LIAM: Wait, I don’t want to get punched in the face while I’m blind. Somebody please put a hand on my shoulder– SAM: Oh, you got to hold his hand. LAURA: Are we going in? SAM: No, he’s going to go into that other place. LAURA: Oh, okay. LIAM: If something bad is going to happen, just shake me. MARISHA: I’ll punch you in the face. LIAM: No, don’t do that, just shake me. LAURA: Just tickle his balls. LIAM: Don’t do that, just– SAM: I’m going to go in. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Punch him in the balls. MATT: You move past the barricades, heading towards the shaft– the barricade, there’s a lot of stuff jammed up here at the front, almost like it was barricaded from the inside long ago, and then was cleared out partially, going through. You make it through the 35 or so feet of the shaft, in towards where it opens up, and you almost trip, because your toe catches something, and you catch yourself, and you look down to see a long piece of rope that was stretched across that just got tugged, and falls slack. LAURA: Oh no, you didn’t see that? MATT: You hear a (creak) and with your darkvision glance up and see what appears to be a large log that had been affixed to the ceiling. (whoosh) Comes rushing towards you. Make a dexterity saving throw. LIAM: You are a wee baby rogue! SAM: Great check! Disadvantage. Great check! LAURA: Good! Phew! SAM: What is this, dex save? MATT: Dex saving throw, yeah. SAM: 24! MATT: With disadvantage! You, even in your somewhat hazy drunken stupor, see it just in time and back up as it (whoosh) right past your nose and slams into the wall to the left of you. It hits, and you see the dust settle from the ceiling. TRAVIS: That, my lads, was a dragon. MATT: You guys all hear this (slamming) from the inside. LIAM: Oh shit. SAM: I’m okay, it was just wood. MARISHA: What’s going on? LIAM: I’ve heard a confusing thing. Something fell down, but okay, we’re good. TALIESIN: I think we might have lost the element of surprise. SAM: Is it a bigger space in here? MATT: It is, actually. It opens up to be about 35 feet across from side to side, about 45 or 50 towards the end and then it seems to descend into two different pathways. SAM: Any signs of life? Anything? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Eight. MATT: At the moment, no. But as you’re glancing about, you can see that there are bags of supplies that are partially sundered and torn open. You can see tools, some that look pretty interesting, there’s a crowbar on the ground across the way, there’s other sacks that haven’t been spoiled yet. You see some of the burlap is dry rotted and pulls right apart, and it looks like there might be some useful things in this chamber. SAM: Okay. Real quick, I’ll just poke through one of the bags. MATT: Make an investigation check with disadvantage. SAM: Oh, well then, okay, eight! MATT: You glance through and find a bunch of mildewed rice grain. Right as you hear a (snort). SAM: I will freeze and slowly turn to the sound. MATT: You glance over, and from the right chamber you see as two gnolls have appeared in the entranceway and have entered up, called from the sound of the heavy impacting thud on the wall but a few moments ago. LAURA: Are you stealthed? MATT: They both– no, he’s not. She is not, sorry. They both arrive to the top of the– (sniffing and growling). They both grab their spears. SAM: I’m going to say, “Help me! Help me now, please come in, save me, save my life!” LIAM: Help me, help me now, save my life. We have to go in! Here we go! MATT: What are you doing? SAM: I am going to draw and fire at one. MATT: As they’re both right there, rushing towards you, you say this and you’re going to pull out and fire at one. The one to the right or the left? SAM: The first one who spotted me. MATT: The one that first spotted you would be the one on the left, so as it’s rushing towards you, go ahead and fire. SAM: Okay, 18. MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Eight. MATT: Eight points of damage, not– SAM: Ten, 11 points of damage, because I’m going to use Fury of the Small. MATT: Okay, 11 points of damage. It hurts, but it’s still rushing forward. They both begin to rush in to close the gap. The rest of you guys rush in; to get to him, it will take the full round to get there. You guys use your movement and dash in. Those of you who don’t have darkvision, you can’t see anything. TALIESIN: I also uncover my sword at this point, which gives off a little bit of light. MATT: A faint bit of light. At this point, any of you with ranged abilities right now would be able to strike. But before you do, two of the gnolls rush in and are attempting to attack the small goblinoid female who has walked into their lair. The first strike, that is going to be a 21 to hit. SAM: Definitely hits. Any of us. MATT: That is six points of piercing damage as the spear jams into your shoulder and scrapes down the front of your chest, glances off the rest of your armor and it hurts, but you’re fine. You’re still feeling a little fuzzy anyway. The other one attacks, that is going to be a 15 to hit. SAM: No. MATT: No. This one you do see coming, and you dodge out of the way. But they’re both right up in your face right now, snarling and (growling). With that, the guys who have ranged attacks, go for it. LIAM: Wait, so the whole party ran in? MATT: Yes. LIAM: As that was happening, the two humans in tandem said, “Wait, let them draw out their– fuck!” MARISHA: It’s so dark! MATT: So you guys have disadvantage on any of your attacks rolls because you cannot see. You are blind in the chamber. LIAM: Are we doing initiative or are we just going? MATT: For this round, because there’s just two gnolls at the moment, I’m just going through actions here to keep going. LIAM: Dancing Lights! LAURA: Guiding Bolt on the one closest to me. TRAVIS: Eldritch Blast on the other one. MATT: Okay, so the one that’s closest to you will be the one that already took damage from the bolt so roll for attack for the Guiding Bolt. LAURA: 21. MATT: 21 hits. Roll damage. SAM: Jesus. LAURA: Six, nine, ten. MATT: Ten points? LAURA: Ten points. MATT: The one that’s now taken a crossbow bolt to the throat and has taken a Guiding Bolt, this giant blast of light explodes around this gnoll as it yelps and it encompasses its torso with this glittering light. Now the next attack against it has advantage. It is super hurt, but still standing. You’re making your attack. TRAVIS: Yeah, I rolled the first one, which was a 24, but with advantage. That’s less, so 24. MATT: You were attacking the other one, so you do not get the benefit. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, I’m sorry. 24 for the first roll. MATT: Still hits, go ahead and roll damage on that one. TRAVIS: Oh balls, that’s– MATT: What are you using? TRAVIS: Eldritch Blast. MATT: It’s a d10 for damage. That’s a d12. TRAVIS: Oh, that is a 12. Sorry, my bad. SAM: That’s the other character. TRAVIS: Old habits, they die hard. Nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage on that one. It gets blasted by the bolt of eldritch energy; however, it’s still snarling. Currently they’re both looking over at the sudden surge of newcomers. TALIESIN: I’ve also got a distance attack. I’m going to use Devil’s Tongue on the one that just survived your hit. MATT: Okay, what does that do? TALIESIN: I’m going to use Vicious Mockery. In Infernal: You will feed the dogs in hell. LAURA: Oh, wow, I understood that. It was scary. MATT: They rolled an eight, minus– yeah, it does not make the save. TALIESIN: It takes 1d4 psychic, which is three points of psychic damage and has disadvantage on its next attack. MATT: Got it, great. LIAM: Four globules of light, Dancing Lights. The room is lit up. MATT: All right. The room fills with light at this point. The chamber fills, you can now see the scenery around you. Nott, you’re up first. Since you’re the first one to get a shot. There’s one that’s super hurt and one that’s kind of hurt. SAM: I’ll go for the super hurt one. Who’s right in front of me, right? MATT: Correct. SAM: What’s wrong? MARISHA: It fits in there! LAURA: Oh yeah, that’s the thing! SAM: That’s what I’m doing. Laura discovered this last week. LAURA: It stays up super good. MATT: Nott, they’re both right up in your face snarling. SAM: I’m going to go to the super hurt one and be like (scream), grab it and I’ll do Shocking Grasp. MATT: Okay, so go ahead and make your melee spell attack, I believe it is, right? SAM: Yep, that’s a 19. MATT: 19 hits. SAM: Okay, I don’t know how to do this. Hold on, is this a ten? No, that’s a ten, this is an eight. Seven. MATT: Seven it is. As you reach up and grab it with your hand, you watch as a burst of electrical arcane energy surges through its body. You watch as veins pop up its torso to its neck before it collapses into the ground. You have to duck out of the way before it slams. It would have crushed you if you’d stayed in the space you were, but you sidestep in time as the gnoll falls to the ground, lifeless. SAM: Am I in range– where’s the other gnoll, is it right on me? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Okay, I will bonus action disengage and run all the way around to the other side of the room. MATT: Okay. On the other side. As you’re doing that, the gnoll that’s right there sees you rushing off, but now it’s more attentive to the one who blasted it there. I’d say, for the sake of distance, since the moment you saw you fired, it probably couldn’t close the gap, so it’s going to drop the spear, pull out its longbow, and take a shot at you from here. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. MATT: It’s going to be a 14 to hit, what’s your armor class? TRAVIS: 14. MATT: 14, all right. Not a great roll, you take four points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Four points. MATT: It catches you right in the middle of the sternum. The armor takes the brunt of it and it mostly just snaps at the impact, but it hurt. It’ll bruise. That ends the remaining gnoll’s turn. Next up would be Beau. MARISHA: Oh, are there any close to me? MATT: There’s one you can close the gap with. There’s only one that’s currently standing in the room, the other one’s been killed. It was shocked to death by Nott. MARISHA: Okay, I’ll close the gap and come at it with a big double swing from my staff. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Finally a decent roll. 19. MATT: 19 hits, go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Six plus four. That’s ten points of damage. MATT: Ten points of damage, that’s enough to do it. It had already been damaged previously by Fjord’s Eldritch Blast and you watch as it snarls and pulls out its bow, pulls back, notches and releases the arrow. Moments after it’s released, with a quick burst of action you saunter up to its side and hit it across the torso with the stick. You feel seven different ribs break as it doubles forward. As it looks at you for a second, you take where the staff has broken in and jam upward to where its lungs would be and it (chokes) and falls to the ground, dead. MARISHA: I shake it off my staff a little bit. TRAVIS: Damn, you broke its ribs to get to its organs. MARISHA: It’s effective. LAURA: (singsong) I cut off the ears. MATT: You guys take a moment here– TALIESIN: Put them in the jar? LAURA and TALIESIN: It’s an ear jar! LAURA: Our pickle jar– MATT and TALIESIN: –Is now an ear jar. TRAVIS: What happened? How’d they find you? SAM: I don’t know. They’re very clever. I was sneaking all the way down and they still discovered me. I don’t know how. TALIESIN: We look at the rope connected to the log. MATT: Yeah, as Nott’s saying this, your eyes wander off of her over to the right where you see this heavy tree covered in jagged bark that’s (creaking). SAM: That happened after they discovered me. TRAVIS: Right. LAURA: Ooh, what are all these bags in here? SAM: I was about to go through them, do you want to help? LAURA: Yeah! TRAVIS: I will keep an eye down the tunnel that they came from while they pillage. MARISHA: I’ll look around. Are there any other entrances? LIAM: As you’re looking, I’m going to pull all the Dancing Lights down to one and put the rag over it and walk beside Beau so that she can see. MATT: Okay. There are two shafts. Both seem to descend. Both curving off in opposite directions. They both have the wooden frame for support. SAM: Wooden shafts. LIAM: Come on, you people. We need a corner, and a camera for the corner, and a long paper hat for you to put you in the corner. LAURA: I didn’t even react to it, he had to point it out. MATT: Looking around, it looks like this was a common area. This is the closest chamber to the exterior of the mine. It looks like there were a number of tables here, that a lot of them have been knocked over and broken. A lot of what would have filled this chamber has been pushed into the barricade you saw up front. You’re helming the investigation? Go ahead and make an investigation check. MARISHA: That was me. Me and Caleb. MATT: You guys are looking down the shafts. They’re looking in the sacks. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. For the bags, yeah. MATT: Both of the shafts just descend and curve out of view. They go to a steady 45-degree decline. SAM: I’m helping, no? No. LAURA: Do I get advantage because they’re helping? MATT: You’re too drunk to help. TALIESIN: I was helping. MATT: You’re looking as well? Sure, take advantage then. LAURA: That is not as good. Investigation. 11. MATT: 11? Okay. You glance around. You find there’s an untapped ale barrel, there’s an untapped water barrel, there’s a hooded lantern that still has a functional bit of oil in it, though it’s only about half-full and very rusted over, but you clear off the glass on the outside and it’ll work fine. You find a sledgehammer that the handle is not so rotted to the point where it wouldn’t be functional, but a fair sledgehammer if you wanted to break any rock or stone. The crowbar that you had seen earlier, that can be acquired. LAURA: We should write this stuff down. MATT: You find a small lightweight rod about that long that has a short piece of waxed twine hanging from one end. LAURA: Is it metal, did you say? MATT: No, it’s not metal. It feels almost like a hard clay. LAURA: With wax? MATT: With a waxed piece of twine on one end. TALIESIN: Can I make a knowledge test to see if I would know what this is? SAM: A knowledge test? You mean an intelligence check? TALIESIN: Well, is this intelligence, or what would this be? I’m trying to think– I might have come across this? MATT: You had as good a chance as anybody to have come across this, so if you want to make an intelligence check. TALIESIN: Just an intelligence check? I’m trying to remember. 11? MATT: You haven’t come across one of these. LAURA: Well, I have it. Then the water– SAM: A water jug and an ale. LAURA: A water jug and an ale jug. SAM: Not jug, it was a barrel. TRAVIS: Casks. LAURA: Oh, so I can’t carry that with me? They’re big? MATT: No, they’re big, heavy, filled things. TALIESIN: We can put them aside. We will be bringing them out of here. MATT: You, make an intelligence check. LIAM: Okay, that’s okay. That’s, Scheiße, where did it go? Over here, D&D Beyond. It is ten. Yeah, I rolled very low. MATT: Ten, okay. TALIESIN: (whispering) Human, want a lantern? MARISHA: Oh, yes. Did you light it? Is it a lit lantern? TALIESIN: I haven’t lit it yet. You can light it, I’ll help. LAURA: It’s hooded, so you can close off the light. MARISHA: Oh, I can close it on and off, right? Like one of those things? MATT: Once it’s ignited and the oil’s lit, yeah, you can open and close the hood. TALIESIN: I’m one-handed, so I can’t really help you light it. TRAVIS: Well, what’ve we got, are we happy? LAURA: Yeah, I found a small rod and a crowbar and a sledgehammer. TRAVIS: Are you going to carry the sledgehammer? LAURA: Is it heavy? TRAVIS: Not for you, Beast Mode. MATT: Nott, you’re an alchemist. LIAM: Does the rod look like crudely made or prettily designed? SAM: Apparently I’m looking it over. MATT: Yeah, as you’re looking over it, it’s not beautifully made, it looks functional like a lot of the tools here, there isn’t a lot of presentation more than function as what you bring into a mine. LIAM: Okay, no carving, no glyphs, no nothing like that, just caked in shit? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You take the rod and smell it and a familiar scent hits your nose. You’ve worked in your alchemical time with small-level explosives. As part of the elements of the alchemist’s fire, there is a reagent catalyst that when the chemicals mix it causes a minor explosion and then burns heavily, there is an element of that, but it’s very, very strong and a very intense scent to it. As soon as you smell it, it brings back memories of accidents that have happened in the past on a very small scale. You immediately get this wave of cold shiver down your neck, that this is a very dangerous object if used improperly. SAM: Yeah, careful with that. I think maybe none of us should hold that. Maybe Fjord, he seems sort of responsible. No, don’t make it a mustache. (laughter) SAM: It could blow up your face. It could blow up your face. Yeah, it’s a boom-boom stick. That’s the alchemical term. LAURA: Oh shit. SAM: I think if you put it near fire it could go explode. Who wants to hold it… who is not Jester? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll take it. LAURA: Give me my pencil, though. No! SAM: Oh great, throw a sharp object. TALIESIN: Anyone watching at home, the physics was really demanding on that one. LAURA: Can I put the sledgehammer on my back? MATT: Yeah. You can sling it in with your– LAURA: My shield? MARISHA: All right, guys, left tunnel or right tunnel? TRAVIS: I’ll tuck the rod into my belt. SAM: It’s fine, I’ll go down the tunnel and scope it out for us. TALIESIN: Well, before we do that, we should remember to check for traps maybe. SAM: Oh. LAURA: Oh, can you do that? SAM: I don’t know. TALIESIN: I certainly can’t. TRAVIS: You can? TALIESIN: No, I can’t. I can’t do any of that. LAURA: I can look for them. TALIESIN: I won’t be able to find them. SAM: I can look for them too, I don’t know what a trap looks like. LAURA: Well, what did that one look like that you got hit with before? SAM: Big piece of rope, probably should have seen it. LAURA: Maybe look for ropes crossing the ground. SAM: All right. TRAVIS: Maybe we view this an opportunity to grow and we look for those now. SAM: I will make a mental note. TRAVIS: Great. SAM: Look for big pieces of rope. TRAVIS: Yeah. Anything that looks out of the ordinary, out of place. On the wall, on the floors– LIAM: Have a peeky-poo around as you go. TRAVIS: Are you still shithoused? Are you fucking hammered still? SAM: Don’t tell me what I can and can’t drink. (laughter) LIAM: You know, she does this from time to time, she becomes a little unpredictable, but you can’t argue with the results, you really cannot. MARISHA: I kind of like her when she’s like this. It’s good. TRAVIS: Okay, she needs another shot. SAM: You want me to go ahead again? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Oh boy. LAURA: Which one are we going down, though? There’s two entrances, aren’t there? MATT: There are two paths, yes. SAM: I’ll go down one, just a little ways, and then I’ll come back. LAURA: You should actually stealth, though, this time, okay? SAM: I will stealth. I’m going to stealth. LAURA: You have a blessing. SAM: And search for traps. MATT: Okay, so make a stealth check first. LAURA: With advantage. SAM: Oh good. Okay, 20-something. MATT: Well, with advantage, but then disadvantage from the drunk, so it’s just a straight roll. SAM: The first roll? MATT: Yes. SAM: 13. MATT: Okay, good to know. Then you’re going to check for traps? SAM: Yes. MATT: Make an investigation check with disadvantage. SAM: With disadvantage? MATT, LAURA, and LIAM: Because you’re drunk. SAM: That affects– yeah. LIAM: You can’t tell me what I can do, Matthew. MATT: Dexterity-based and intelligence-based checks. SAM: That’s all of the checks. So zero. MATT: Okay. SAM: Oh wait, no! No, I did the math wrong, it’s ten. I’m drunk, guys! TRAVIS: I know the feeling. MATT: Okay, and which path is this you’re checking? SAM: Left. LAURA: I was going to say left. I knew. SAM: I love you. TRAVIS: Do you want to check air current temperature? Nothing? Anything? MARISHA: Yeah, little drafts, anything like that? MATT: You don’t sense any draft, the air is pretty stagnant, actually. TRAVIS: Temperature equal on both sides? MATT: Seems to be. On the left path, you do not notice any traps, anything akin to what you stumbled across as you entered. It does seem to descend and curve out of the way, but begin to snake a bit. You get about 15 to 20 feet down before it begins to rapidly curve left and right, it’s only about ten feet wide. You can continue if you want. SAM: No thanks. Okay, I’ll go back and report what I’ve heard, or what I’ve learned. LAURA: Do either of the two paths have more tracks coming in and out of them? MATT: They both seem fairly equal. You’ve been keeping tabs on footfalls in here. There’s traffic both ways. TRAVIS: You know what could be really handy in this situation is some of that fancy fucking thread of yours. LIAM: For keeping things– alerting us of things coming here or– TRAVIS: Yeah, I don’t mind commiting to one of these tunnels, I just want to make sure nothing comes behind us or comes up from the other way. LIAM: Yeah, that’s a good suggestion. First, what are we doing? What did you find out down that way? SAM: It just keeps going and starts snaking, and there’s no traps, though. LAURA: Let’s go down the right one. SAM: Why? LIAM: I think we should also send you down that one as well to have a look around. SAM: All right. Here I go. (laughter) MATT: Make a stealth check, please. SAM: Okay, and looking for traps. Stealth with– MATT: Disadvantage. LAURA: No. MATT: Oh, it’s straight roll because– SAM: Okay, 25. 24. Something. It’s a lot. MATT: All right, and investigation check with disadvantage. SAM: Investigation is 13. MATT: With disadvantage. TRAVIS: Because you’re hammered. SAM: Yeah. 13. TRAVIS: Yes! MATT: You begin to curve down the right path and there is a slight depression on one side that you glance over and look and it looks like some of the burlap that had been torn from the sacks earlier in the tunnel had been used to cover a three and a half foot wide pit that has been laced over to hide its presence. SAM: It’s just burlap over a pit in the ground? MATT: Yeah, it’s affixed with a couple of rocks in the sides, it’s very light and would have fallen through. It only covers part of the path. The tunnel is about ten feet wide and the right side of it is where that pitfall is. You notice it and go. “Oh, hmm.” This one does not snake, this one continues in a continual curve for another 40 or so feet before you’re starting to get a little far from your friends. You can continue if you want. SAM: It just keeps curving and curving? MATT: It looks like it’s going in a downward spiral. SAM: Oh, a downward spiral. Okay, I’ll go back and report what I saw. MATT: Great album. TALIESIN: So true. SAM: All right, so one path goes “wiggedy woo” and the other path goes “zibbidy zow.” TALIESIN: Were there any traps? SAM: No traps. Oh yes, there was a trap! To be fair, there was one trap. I thought you meant any sprung traps. There was a trap. TRAVIS: You sussed it out. SAM: I sussed it out. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it. LIAM: How far down did you go each way? SAM: 40 feet down the “ziggedy zow” and like 25 feet down the “zibbidy zoo.” LIAM: Well, my instinct tells me that if there’s something there, that they would trap it so probably more valuable, if we’re going on nothing, take the path that is trapped. LAURA: I agree. TALIESIN: Hear, hear. SAM: You’re so smart. LAURA: Unless they want us to think it’s the path that they’ve trapped. SAM: Reverse psychology! LAURA: That’s right, and it’s actually the path that is least resistance. TALIESIN: Unless they knew that you would think that. SAM: Oh, reverse reverse psychology! LIAM: These are dog people? Let’s take the path with the trap. TALIESIN: Trap, trap. SAM: Right path. MATT: As you all slowly begin to descend down the right path. LAURA: We’re stealthing! MATT: We’ll come to that in just a second. We’re going to go ahead and take a break. Since it’s a little past nine. We’ll be back here in a few minutes to pick up the descent further into this mineshaft. LAURA and MATT: Into madness. LIAM: Down the wooden shaft. MATT: Before we get to that, however, we do have a giveaway from our friends at Wyrmwood, as you saw last week we have another of their black walnut, two of their Adventurer Arsenals to give away again this week. If you haven’t seen, they’re awesome, well-made, and if you open it up on the inside it has space for you dice, for your pen, a place for a mini or eraser or anything else you want to carry into your game. It fits into the dice box that comes with it as well. We’re giving away two of these during the break. To enter this while we’re gone at the break you can go into the Twitch chat and enter, when you’re prompted, the code word gnoll. That’s G-N-O-L-L. Do not enter it more than once or you’ll be disqualified, and we’ll come back from the break with two winners to this. Thank you so much. We’ll see you guys here in a minute. [break] MATT: Welcome back. We have our two winners in the chat over the break. Congratulations on winning the Wyrmwood package to ding0atx and lunaimperial. ALL: Woo! MATT: Congratulations to the two of you guys. Danoba will reach out to you and get your contact information and we’ll get those sent to you ASAP, so well done. Yes, all right. You chose the right or the left again? SAM and LAURA: The right. MATT: The right, okay. Down the path, the shaft winds for about another 150 or so feet before it slowly levels out into a long chamber of multiple levels. What once looked like a solid mining vein is now strewn with bones and flayed skin pinned to the rock walls with scavenged nails, blood spattered across them with intent painted a jagged smile of sharp teeth on each of these four hides. A faint source of light in the center flickers, a small stone altar holding a cluster of candles in the central level platform. It looks like about six gnoll-like figures have gathered around this stone– LAURA: We were stealthing, we were stealthing. MATT: I know. We’re going to get to that in just a second. LAURA: Okay. MATT: While a strange seventh figure places small wet stones upon this altar, smaller than the other gnolls. Let’s get a perception check real fast from two of you. Who’s leading the– SAM: I would have been bringing them down, right? LIAM: You can see in the dark. LAURA: Yeah, I can see in the dark, I’ll look. MATT: We’ll say since you two would be in the front then for that, you jumped up first. Perception check, both of you. SAM: Five. MARISHA: This sucks. LAURA: 11. MATT: Okay, so you don’t see much of the figure. Also, right now, I’ll have you guys all do a stealth check, please, as you make your way down. TALIESIN: Do I still have advantage? LAURA: No, he has advantage now, sorry. TALIESIN: That’s okay. SAM: 22. LAURA: 15. TALIESIN: Nine. LIAM: Ten. MARISHA: 22. TRAVIS: 15. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: Looks like this is the wrong path, everyone. We should probably go back to the other. Sorry. MATT: This figure looks gnoll-like, you see the ears and the snout, but as it reaches down and picks up these wet stones and places them in the altar, giving small, dark, muffled barks and yipping sounds, you see elements that look like smooth human flesh. The more that you focus in, you can see this looks to be a humanoid figure that is wearing pieces of hollowed-out gnoll-like armor. A hood missing a jaw that’s placed over the top of the head, sections of arms worn like a glove with the hand missing, sifted through. It seems that a lot of the body parts are discolored and rotting a bit, from what you can see from the candle light that’s flickering across it. Long bonelike spines, similar to what adorned the armor of that pack lord that you battled in the middle of the city last night, are also affixed to the outsides and pierced through elements of the shoulders and head of this flesh gnoll hide that it’s wearing. As it growls, mimicking the sounds of the gnolls that it seems to be residing along, the other gnolls around look, pacing from foot to foot impatiently (growls and grunts). Begins to speak louder and louder at this altar as it places a final wet stone on it. All the remaining gnolls begin to bark in unison together (bark and howl). LAURA: (whisper) Should we stop this? MATT: They all at once leap onto the altar and begin tearing into the stones, which are not stones. They were glistening. At this point you see hearts that are now being torn and swallowed by the gnolls at the altar. LAURA: Should we kill them all? SAM: No. TRAVIS: Don’t make a sound. LIAM: (vomiting) MARISHA: Oh, that was well done. MATT: They finish devouring the hearts and the humanoid figure begins to bark a few more times and then in broken Common says, “The hunger will be fed: ours and hers. Come,” and points to two of them, “Help me carry more meat below. The rest, stay. Feast on what remains.” Turns around and you now look across the way. On the other side of the chamber, darkened, you see a gnoll leaning in familiar armor: the one that you had battled and had left with the carts is watching from the far end of the chamber down on the lower third-level platform. LAURA: The big mama jama? MATT: The weird gnoll priest, I guess you could say at this point, that’s been helming this little ritual, goes and joins the armored gnolls and steps aside and follows second, and the two gnolls that were assigned by it leave as well, leaving four in there in the chamber currently. SAM: Including the armored one or no? MATT: No, the armored one leaves with the priest. LIAM: Did you describe any light source in here that they’re working by? MATT: The candle altar. Yeah. It’s not an extremely bright light, but for those of you who are human, it’s enough where you can make out shapes once your eyes have adjusted to the low light interior. LIAM: Got it. MATT: You watch as they begin to grab the bodies on the ground. You can see there are now– The grinding of bones as they drag broken corpses across the floor and begin to tear into the torsos. LAURA: While that’s happening, I’m going to cast, very quietly, Cure Wounds on Nott next to me, because I saw you’re bleeding, yo. SAM: Oh, sorry. What does that do? LAURA: You just regained nine hit points. SAM: Ooh, nine. TALIESIN: This is getting ridiculous. LAURA: Yay. MATT: (barking) You watch as four hyenas fill into the space where the gnolls are and begin to sit at bay, waiting for the gnolls to finish feasting. One of them gets close, and the gnoll just grabs its head and shoves it against the wall, and it snaps into the wall and then backs up and then waits its turn. You can see the other hyenas that exist in this space, naturally scavengers, have to wait, being at the lowest of the totem pole. TRAVIS: How many total? MATT: Four gnolls, four hyenas. MARISHA: Fuck. LIAM: The one that got thrown into the wall? It got stunned or hurt, it didn’t get any– MATT: It didn’t seem to be too much. More to just keep it away from the meal. TALIESIN: We know they go down very quickly. MARISHA: I’m afraid if we keep waiting, more will just show up. LAURA: Yeah. Let’s kill them! LIAM: (whispering) Here we go. SAM: What? We’re just going to go? There’s no plan? MARISHA: Well, maybe we can draw a few over to us and take them out on our terms. MATT: If you’re planning to engage, should I show you the layout of where they’re placed? ALL: Yes! SAM: He says coyly. “Would you like to see the layout of the room?” TRAVIS: I don’t like seven on eight. I am not a fan. SAM: Seven? LAURA: But they’re little. SAM: Six. LAURA: The hyenas are little. SAM: Oh, Yasha’s with us, right? (laughing) LIAM: The hyenas are just doggos. SAM: Yeah, they’ve got like four hit points. You can take out two of them in one go. If you were, you know, Grog. MATT: So here we have– LAURA: Oh, one’s an archer, two’s an archer, three’s an archer. MATT: They all tend to carry a bow on their backs. LAURA: Shit, four’s an archer. MATT: You can see now the hyenas that are waiting patiently. This one got knocked into the wall. They’re scooting at the sides, waiting for them to finish their meals. You guys are right up here where the shaft opens, glancing down into this chamber. That was where the priest and the other gnolls had exited. SAM: We’re up on top, up there? MATT: You guys are up on here. Which, for the purposes of– TRAVIS: Good thing we’re metal. MATT: It’s fine. TRAVIS: I mean, I hate it, but– SAM: Is there any way to even the playing field a bit? Any strategy? Fjord and Caleb, come on? LIAM: What about the boom stick that you have? We can chuck it into the– LAURA: Oh! Wouldn’t that be really loud? Wouldn’t that draw them back, though? LIAM: Yes, it would, but– TRAVIS: Plus we’re in a mine. LAURA: It might bring the whole thing down on us. SAM: Maybe we could use that to escape later. LAURA: Yeah, definitely. TRAVIS: There’s a big column that’s in between them, right? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: Is it a column or a stalagmite? MATT: It looks like it was a stalactite that then was reinforced as a column to help maintain the structure. MARISHA: If we can make some sort of distraction, to get their attention, and if we can put or heavy hitters, our people up front, we can try and hold them in this mouth, ranged people in the back. TRAVIS: Do you want to throw the rod at the column? LAURA: I feel like we should do that when we’re leaving. We shouldn’t do that before we go in. Because we’re not going to be able to get to anything. TRAVIS: There’s another path down. LAURA: Well yeah, but this is very loud. It would draw things up here. LIAM: Where would you want this distraction to be? Because I can make a little– TRAVIS: Behind them, and make them turn away from us. Because we’re in a fatal funnel up here at the top. LIAM: I can make a little dancing golden person of light appear down at the bottom of the passage. MATT: A fifth gnoll begins to wander its way into the chamber. MARISHA: You see, more are going to keep coming. MATT: It goes over and kicks one of the hyenas off to the side. It sits there (snuffling and whining). TALIESIN: We can see now or try the other way. LIAM: If there’s more in there, they’re just going to come in here anyway. BEAU: And it’s not confined. TRAVIS: I genuinely feel like we should go the other way. SAM: The other way? This is it, this is the other way. TRAVIS: There’s a whole other path. SAM: It’s nothing. TRAVIS: No? SAM: That’s nothing. TRAVIS: Do you know? SAM: No, I’m guessing. LIAM: Here’s the question: do you think these things are going to come out of here right away, or is it worth a shot? Maybe there is a way around, to a way they’re not expecting? MARISHA: Normally, miners build coal mines with connecting shafts and double exits in case one side collapses. You always want another way out. We just don’t know where they’ve put everybody. We’re here looking for villagers, remember? LIAM: You know, there’s nothing saying we have to run in here if we’re not feeling this. We can backtrack and look in the other direction. In fact, I’m leaning that way. MARISHA: Hey, Matt. DM question? If we were to try and back out of here, and draw them towards us, what would that be? Just a tunnel? MATT: Yeah, this tunnel is a ten-foot wide tunnel that continues backward. LIAM: Plus we do have a map here. SAM: Five gnolls. We’ve got these guys. LAURA: We can try attacking them, and if it gets bad, then we use the TNT. LIAM: Use D&D? MARISHA: Yeah, that’s what I heard. SAM: D&D? LAURA: No, TNT. TALIESIN: The longer we wait, the more things are coming. SAM: Maybe it’s the whiskey talking, but I think we’ve got these guys. MATT: If you wanted to, turning you backward here, there’s this path here. We could continue the tunnel back this way. MARISHA: It’s only a death funnel if we’re the ones dying, right? If they’re dying, that’s good for us. SAM: How far is it on the map from where we’re standing to the farthest gnoll? MATT: The farthest gnoll there? About 60 or so feet. SAM: We can definitely do a distraction to get some of them to turn away from us. At least we get a round in. LAURA: Get a surprise round. LIAM: I can make a little golden person dance behind that guy there. LAURA: We can get a surprise round on all of them. MARISHA: Surprise round, get as many range and AoE spells off as we can? LIAM: AoE? Surprise round? What are you talking about? TALIESIN: Be helpful! TRAVIS: Can I use this planning moment to cast Armor of Agathys on myself? MATT: You may. TRAVIS: Spectral frost collects from the air on my armor. MATT: Which, as a note to remind you from last time– TRAVIS: I didn’t give myself enough cold damage. MATT: Correct, yeah, so keep that in mind. SAM: Okay. Are you going to try your thing or should I try my thing first? LIAM: What is your thing? SAM: I don’t know. I can try something! I can do a similar thing, have them see something behind them, but you can do the same thing. Yours are already cast, right? LIAM: Not right now, no. But it’s like that (snaps), it’s easy, this one. SAM: Okay. I could try to get one of them to fight with one of the other ones of them. LAURA and MARISHA: Yeah, that’s good. LIAM: Do that. SAM: I’m going to sneak up, down the steps to that little crook in there. MATT: Right here? SAM: Little further back, yeah. Is that all right? Do I have to roll or anything? MATT: Roll a stealth check. SAM: Oh, shit. Okay, with disadvantage? MATT: Do you still have the gift? LAURA: No, you still have Blessing. SAM: Oh, so 26. That puts me within 30 feet of those guys, right? MATT: Oh yeah. SAM: And what are they doing? Eating hearts? MATT: At a closer glance, you look and see. One of them currently is holding a pair of legs that are no longer attached to a torso, and is stripping the flesh from the thigh and leg, tearing into it. Takes a piece and chucks it off to the side, and the two hyenas fight over it. Another one back there, you can see, is clutching a scapula, the back of a shoulder blade, and is breaking the bones in half and sucking the marrow out. At a quick glance, you get the sense that some of these may have been denizens of Alfield as of 24 hours ago. LIAM: I’m going to start throwing up again soon, so let’s either do this or backtrack, please. SAM: Are they carrying anything on their bodies, on their person? Anything, canteens or weapons or equipment or anything? MATT: The gnolls? SAM: The gnolls. MATT: Most of them have a longbow slung over their shoulder, and have a spear that dangles off to the side, or has been jammed in the ground next to them. LAURA: While he’s doing it, I’m getting ready. I’m doing this. I’m going to cast Mirror Image of myself. MATT: Duplicity, or are you doing Mirror Image, the spell? LAURA: Mirror Image. MARISHA: Let’s all agree that if this goes bad, we run. LAURA: Suddenly, there are three me’s around myself. TRAVIS: If we need to close it off, light the tip of that little wick and throw it. LIAM: Are we going right now? MARISHA: Oh God. SAM: Are any of them holding anything that they put down for a second, or they got it firmly in their claws? MATT: The one that breaks and sucks the marrow out of one of the large, shoulder blade areas takes and grinds the teeth against it, scooping out whatever’s inside, then throws that piece onto the ground next to it, then takes the arm and begins to splinter the middle of the arm bone and try to get the marrow out of that. SAM: Are you going to do your thing? LIAM: Are you about to go? SAM: I don’t know. You tell me. LIAM: I’m going to really quickly mutter a few arcane words, then there is another Caleb blinking in front of me a little bit and behind me a little bit. It is hard to see me at the moment. LAURA: Are you casting Blur or Mirror Image? SAM: What are those words? LAURA: I want to know for my own sake. LIAM: I don’t care. MARISHA: Can I get more into a place with Beau? In this crux, mirroring Nott. Stealth check? Natural 20! MATT: Does your spell have concentration? You are concentrating on a spell at the moment. Beau, you quickly leap and land with no sound, catlike reflexes. MARISHA: Three-point landing. MATT: Your foot does slide for a second as you glance down, and where you stepped in, it looks like there’s a bit of leftover pieces of people. MARISHA: I (gagging). SAM: I whisper a couple words and use Mage Hand to pick up the little piece of shoulder blade he dropped and throw it in the face of the other guy. MATT: Okay. It slowly lifts, and one of the other gnolls that’s eating (splat), (growling), and the other one goes (yipping), and they go back to eating. SAM: They don’t care. Thought they would kill each other, I don’t know. That was it. We’re level three, that’s all I got! LIAM: (whoomp) A little halfling-sized person of light appears behind the gnoll at the far end there. MATT: What is it? What are you using? LIAM: I’m using Dancing Lights. You can use the four lights to make a little person, a little humanoid shape of light. It is doing a little macarena behind the gnoll all the way. I have 120 feet of range. MATT: That spell is not concentration? Right, okay. LIAM: Yes, it is. But I would know that. I’m not going to do that, because of my keen memory that Caleb has, but not Liam. SAM: I’m going to turn around and whisper to Caleb: Are you going to do the thing? But I’m using Message, so no one can hear us. Are you going to do the thing? If not, I can do my thing. LIAM: I send Frumpkin through the chamber and down and starts battering into the walls here. MATT: As soon as Frumpkin begins doing that, you watch as the one that’s nearest on this side, the one that had dropped the arm piece earlier, takes the bow off its back and begins to notch an arrow, looking around. It’s going to take a shot at the bird fluttering through. That is a 17. What’s Frumpkin’s–? LIAM: Oh, I’m sure that hits. Yeah. MATT: Six points of piercing damage. The bird goes (thud) on the ground and then dissipates. You watch as the four hyenas suddenly rush in towards where the bird had fallen, and they all go to the spot where it landed and find an arrow lying there, and (snarling and yipping). LAURA: I cast Spiritual Weapon above the two gnolls directly in front of me. MATT: The range on that is–? LAURA: Range on that is 60 feet. MATT: You’re placing it where? Right there? LAURA: Yeah, right there. It’s going to giant lollipop down and smack one of them in the face. MATT: All right. Which one? LAURA: This one. The one on your left. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll a spell attack. LAURA: Ooh, 19 plus whatever! MATT: Nice. Roll damage on that, that definitely hits. LAURA: That is nine force damage, and that’s my bonus. SAM: Damn. LAURA: Then I can do a cantrip. For my action, I’m going to cast Sacred Flame at the same dude. MATT: Same dude? That is a 15. LAURA: He saves, so is it half, or–? TRAVIS: What kind of a check was it? MATT: That would have been his dexterity saving throw, right? LAURA: Yes. “Must succeed,” so it probably doesn’t do anything. MATT: Yeah, then no damage. Okay, that ends your turn. Everyone else gets one action and then we roll initiative. LAURA: Can I run down the steps and hide behind a barrel like it’s going to make any fucking difference at all? MATT: Sure. You won’t get to hide, though, but you’re there. You’re standing next to a barrel. All righty, who’s up next? TRAVIS: I’m ready. MATT: Fjord, what you got? TRAVIS: Can you point to one of them that is not undead? Just looks like a regular gnoll, or I can just pick one. MATT: You can pick one. All of the gnolls in here look like regular gnolls. TRAVIS: Great. Did you aim at that one? LAURA: No, I aimed at the other one. TRAVIS: Okay, I’ll take that far one. MATT: What are you doing? TRAVIS: Can I focus and summon my falchion into my hand? MATT: Yep. It appears into your space in a burst of dull greenish-blue fire, and there you see it, dripping with salt water across its blade. TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to cast Hex at that right gnoll? MATT: You may. That one is now hexed. You watch as the gore that’s been dripping from the front of its body seems to roll up its torso in reverse before it slips into its armor and grasps itself, the darkened shadowed gore now holding it in place as the Hex curse. TRAVIS: Can I reach back and fire Eldritch Blast into it? MATT: You may. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: That hits. Plus 1d6. TRAVIS: Six plus four, ten, 1d6, 15 points of damage. MATT: 15 points of damage. (explosion) That one immediately drops what it was eating as the blast slams into it, as it’s confused by the wrapping of the Hex. As it reels and almost stumbles onto its back, its foot crushes one of the nearby skulls, and there you see this gaping wound in its chest where the armor’s been sundered. There’s a smoking plume of blackened, horrible, shaded smoke pouring from it. TRAVIS: Can I use my distance to move over here, if I may? MATT: That’s as far as you can, there. TRAVIS: Am I in your line of sight, Jester? Does anybody need that? LAURA: Nah, you’re fine. MARISHA: Nope. MATT: Beau? MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to do something weird, and I hope it works and doesn’t fuck the rest of us. I’ll move up right here next to Fjord. 40. That works good there. MATT: That’s 20 there. MARISHA: Let me go one more. That’s good. Then can I reach in my bag and grab out, in my little pouch, grab out a handful out of my 1,000 ball bearings? TRAVIS: You do have 1,000 ball bearings, I remember that. We had money. She bought a lot of fucking ball bearings. MARISHA: A lot of ball bearings! Can I take it and– you know how you can take your pocket and flip it inside out? And have a bunch of ball bearings go (metallic clinking) across this way? MATT: You hear hundreds of tiny metal clangs in succession as ball bearings begin to spray down the stairs and scattering across the floor of this central makeshift ritual room. As they run through the semblances of gore and the areas of the stonework that are exposed between, you have spent your action scattering. MARISHA: Is that my action? Okay, I’m going to spend a ki point, and as my bonus action take Patient Defense. MATT: Nice. As soon as you empty those out, you get back and go into your defensive position, preparing for any sort of assault. Caleb? LIAM: The effect of that hasn’t taken place yet, correct? MATT: The ball bearings, in this moment, are now clattering down into the ground. LIAM: Did Fjord hit one successfully? MATT: He did, yes. LIAM: That same one? I am just going to Fire Bolt it. From yeah, yeah. MATT: Roll for an attack. LIAM: Fire Bolt. That is an attack range guy, plus six that is a 15 to hit. MATT: That hits, just barely. LIAM: The damage is seven. MATT: Seven points of damage. The one that you had hexed suddenly goes up into flames with a (dying scream) and falls back onto the ground. LIAM: I’ll use my movement to back up about 15 feet just outside of the chamber. MATT: You are just there. As the flash of red light arcs from his finger and lights up the path before it impacts and kills the gnoll, Caleb then steps back into the shadows, trying to get out of the way. Nott? SAM: Oh, I get a turn as well? Because I did the Mage Hand thing. MATT: Yes, but that technically did not initiate into a combat. It just bothered one of them. SAM: Mildly. MATT: A temporary inconvenience. SAM: Sure, I’ll send an arrow down into the one that Jester attacked. MATT: Go for it. SAM: That’s 23. MATT: 23 hits. Roll damage. SAM: Nine. MATT: Nine plus your sneak attack. SAM: This is a sneak attack? MATT: Because you were stealthed. SAM: 14. LIAM: Rogue, best class. MATT: That one (explosion). The bolt goes through the center of his forehead and embeds itself right up to the very back. You watch as it (dying scream) and falls into the ground over one of the piled corpse pieces it was tearing through. Becoming one with its meal. And then? SAM: Crouch back and hide. MATT: Okay, make a hide check to try and disappear back there. Stealth on that one. SAM: Advantage, but disadvantage, so 16. MATT: Okay. You did your thing. Molly? TALIESIN: I’m going to creep out against the wall closest to me and try and hide in one of these coves. Over in the corner, as far as I can get into the– MATT: You can get right into the similar space as Nott there. SAM: Does he see me? MATT: I would say barely. TRAVIS: Hello! SAM: Hi. TALIESIN: Since I’m too far away for anything too crazy, I don’t have a good bonus action. I will use my Devil’s Tongue, I’ll use Vicious Mockery on the gnoll that’s currently in between– not the one that’s– actually, the one that’s furthest from us, because he’s going to be the archer, and in Infernal I’m going to say: I’m too disgusted to think of anything clever. MATT: It rolled a natural one on its saving throw. TALIESIN: So yeah, that’s three psychic damage and he has disadvantage on his next attack. MATT: Good to know. Now, everyone please roll initiative. TALIESIN: Natural 20. SAM: Natural 20. Do I have to roll with disadvantage, is this dex or intelligence? MATT: It’s technically a dexterity ability check so it would be disadvantage, yeah. SAM: Two, so six. LAURA: That is so sad. MATT: 25 to 20? TALIESIN: 23. TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Fjord, what did you get? TRAVIS: Four. MATT: Sorry. So who else rolled a natural 20? SAM: I did, but I got a disadvantage. MATT: Right, yeah. But don’t you have advantage with– SAM: On stealth. MATT: Just on stealth checks, that’s right. So Molly’s up first. That’s a fun little initiative tracker thing from our friends at Axe & Shield. See how it helps out there. TALIESIN: I was 23. MATT: 23. 20 to 15? MARISHA and LIAM: 17. MATT: The gnolls rolled a natural 18 plus one, so they’re at 19. Gnolls are next. TRAVIS: Oh, the gnolls are next. MATT: Both of you guys are at 17? MARISHA: I’m shaking. MATT: 15 to ten? LAURA: 13. MATT: Jester got 13. Ten to five? SAM: Six. TRAVIS: I’m at four. MATT: They hyenas are before Nott. Then we have Nott, then we have Fjord. Molly, you’re at the top of the round. TALIESIN: God, that’s awful. MARISHA: God, that’s bad. I don’t think I even fucking spelled it right. I think I botched that all across the board. I spelled it “Hyneas.” MATT: Gets the idea across. The special hyena. LAURA: “Hyneas!” MATT: What you got, Molly? TALIESIN: I’m going to get a little– Oh, can I do this? No, I can’t do that. Fuck. I know, I’m so sorry. I should have my shit together. How far (counting)? Oh god, that’s too far to walk. I’m going to try and get one little crevice. Actually, I’m going to hold my position. I’m so sorry. MATT: Hold your position? TALIESIN: Hold my position and use one more Tongue on one of the other guys. MATT: All right. Natural 20 on the saving throw, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Oh, so no. MATT: Sorry. TALIESIN: (coughs) and I’m holding. MATT: All right, that’s your turn. All right, the gnolls are up first. These two here are going to pull out their bow and begin to fire at Beau. Since you had been the first to appear at this point and gather their attention. They both have disadvantage on the attacks. That is going to be an 11. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: The other is two 14s in a row, so it would be 18 to hit. MARISHA: Oh, hit. With disadvantage? MATT: 17 to hit, sorry. MARISHA: Hit. MATT: Yeah, all right. MARISHA: 17 is my armor class. MATT: That would be– MARISHA: This is with a bow? MATT: Yep. That’s going to be ten points of piercing damage to you. MARISHA: I’m going to cat-paw try to catch the missile with Deflect Missiles. What do I spend– Oh, wait. Oh no, wait, this is a ki point. MATT: Well, it’s a ki point to throw it back. MARISHA: Oh no, it’s a ki point to throw it back, it’s just a reaction. It’s 1d10 plus seven. Nine plus seven, so 16. MATT: You catch it in mid-air and reduce it to no damage. TRAVIS: Fucking dope! MARISHA: I hold it out like a microphone and go– MATT: As you do that, the one in the bottom of the ground, who is closest to you, grabs its spear off the side of the wall. (growling) Runs up the stairs. TALIESIN: Does it hit the ball bearings? MATT: That’s what I’m– TALIESIN: Oh, okay. MATT: Rolling its dexterity check to see if it can do so. It does succeed. It’s a 15. It slips, but it manages to make its way up the stairs. MARISHA: I laugh at it, as it comes at me. LAURA: He looks so stupid. MATT: Coming into combat with both Fjord and Beau. He’s going to go ahead and reach out at you with that. It’s going to be a 16? MARISHA: Miss. MATT: 16 misses. LIAM: I hope we at least heard the Looney Tunes bongos (bongo noises). MATT: After you drop the arrow, it comes up and you parry this one off to the side and go back into your defensive stance. That ends both of those’s go there. Now, comes to Caleb. LIAM: Yeah, I can see from where I am, I can see Fjord and Beau with one of these things. I’m going to Fire Bolt right from where I am. MATT: All right, go for it. Roll for attack. LIAM: That’s it. Aw, no. TRAVIS: “Aw, no.” MATT: It strikes part of the stone altar, splintering candle wax and pieces of remnant heart chunks, but no impact unfortunately on the actual gnoll. LIAM: Sorry! MATT: You going to stay where you are? LIAM: Yeah. I will walk just inside the– LAURA: Did you go, Beau? MARISHA: I haven’t, but we rolled at the same time. MATT: Right, so Beau, you want to go with your action now? MARISHA: Yes! I’m going to take my staff, I’m going to try and crack this guy on the back of his head where he is. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Jesus Christ al-fucking-mighty. 13? Does that hit? MATT: As you swing the bo back, trying to crack him in the head, it actually slips on one of the ball bearings you had left, and as it manages to catch itself, it falls out of range of your sweep of the bo. You’re like, “Shit!” MARISHA: I’m my own worst enemy! I’m going to do a knee and a round kick– Oh no, sorry. I can just do one. I’m thinking in advance. One kick with the knee! MATT: All right, go for the attack. TRAVIS: Damn. LAURA: Do you want my dice bag? MATT: You slip on one of your own ball bearings on the second strike, and manage to catch yourself by grabbing the fur on the outside of the gnoll and using its body to right yourself, and then, “Ugh.” It’s a little slick and sticky. MARISHA: I wipe my hand on Fjord really quick. MATT: All right, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. Have any of them been hurt yet? MATT: That are standing? This one has been hurt a little bit. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to move my Spiritual Weapon over to the one on the ground, directly in front of Beau. Oh, I meant on the lower level. Yeah, and it’s going to hit him! Whoa. 16 plus five. MATT: 16 hits, plus five hits even more. LAURA: That’s nine points of force damage. MATT: Nine points of force damage as the lollipop hits it in the back of the skull and it leans forward and grabs the back of its skull with this pounding, throbbing pain in its head. LAURA: And then I’m going to use Toll The Dead on the one in front of Beau. MATT: All righty. So what does it have to roll? LAURA: He has to roll a wisdom saving throw. MATT: Okay. And the range of that one is? LAURA: 60 feet. MATT: So that rolls a nine plus zero, nine. LAURA: Yeah! So he takes 1d12 necrotic damage! Two. It’s a little bell this time. MATT: Just a little bell. You watch as a little bit of blood comes out the side one of the hyena’s ears. TALIESIN: I like to think that your lollipop makes Candy Crush sounds when it hits people. LIAM: Jester, is the lollipop the flat kind or the round kind? LAURA: I’m picturing the flat kind, so it can whack. MATT: So the spiral kind? Gotcha. Are you going to move at all, or are you going to stay where you are? LAURA: I’m going to stay right there. MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. LAURA: And then I make my mirror images be like– I guess they’re doing that because I’m doing that because they’re my mirror images. MATT: There you go! There is a whole dance number over there of multiple Jesters. The hyenas go now. TRAVIS: (sings tune to “Single Ladies.”) LIAM: That’s the best. MATT: Does succeed on his dex save. This one’s going to attempt– TRAVIS: (singing) If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it. MATT: Leaps up to there. Dexterity saving throw, does succeed. LAURA: Oh jeez, there’s a lot of them. That’s a bigger one, it looks like. MATT: Succeeds! They’re actually rolling pretty high for their saving throws. This one will be a three, that one does not make it. This one gets partway over and then falls prone there. Uses the other half of its movement to get up, but that’s as far as it can get. It can’t actually attack for this round. It’s going to use its movement to make the rest of its run up to the top of the stairs. So that one does not get an action this turn because it slipped on the ball bearings. It’s going to be one attack against Beau. MARISHA: Whoa, it was effective! MATT: With disadvantage. That’s a natural 20, and a six. MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: Yeah, that does not hit, not at all. It’s plus two. The hyena rushes up and lashes out towards you, and you just pop, slap it in the nose and it pulls back. MARISHA: Nose punch. MATT: Yep. The two other ones that rush up and come along the flank with the hyena to you, Fjord. First one goes, that is going to be a 15 plus two, 17? TRAVIS: That will hit. MATT: All right. Actually, it has advantage on the roll because of pack tactics. It didn’t really help, let’s see here. You take two points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: The other one is going to attack you. TRAVIS: It will take ten points of cold damage in return. MATT: (laughs) Which causes it to shatter into ice on the ground. It bites you and its snout (explosion) T-1000 style. It shatters into a million ice pieces. TALIESIN: You lost a gnoll there. MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: No, you’ve got a gnoll. You should have that looked at. MATT: Thank you. The other one is going to take a strike at you. Natural 20, it’s a critical hit. 20 and ten. That pack tactics is nasty. That means you, for dice wise, suffer eight points of piercing damage. It takes ten and it explodes into ice as well. Both of these hyenas rush up and strike and both in succession disintegrate into shards of ice across the ground. LAURA: That is the coolest spell ever. TALIESIN: It’s so hardcore. MATT: The spell is gone though, right? TRAVIS: That’s it. MATT: That’s going to end the hyenas’ turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay, I’ll lean out from behind Mollymauk’s buttocks and rest the hand crossbow on his left cheek and fire– TALIESIN: I support. SAM: –on the gnoll that’s engaged with Fjord. MATT: Okay. SAM: Firing. Eight. MATT: (laughs) As you drunkenly try and aim in the direction. SAM: It’s that bulbous butt! MATT: You almost pull the trigger twice, but you’re aiming at Fjord and you’re like, “No.” TALIESIN: No advantage for engagement? MATT: No advantage, but he can sneak attack if he hits. That’s how it works. You finally go, and one of the elements of stone in the side of the cavern wall (impact) as the bolt hits it and goes sideways. SAM:Am I still hidden? No? That exposes me, do I have to hide again? How do rogues work? MATT: Yeah, you’re revealed. SAM: Oh, I was revealed. Okay. So I have to hide again. MATT: You have to find a way to obscure something’s vision to you before you can hide. SAM: Sure, got it. Okay, I’ll run up the stairs then and hide back near where Caleb is. Other side. And then hide. MATT: That’ll work. Go ahead and roll a stealth check as your bonus. SAM: Well, I’ve cocked. Terrible. Nine plus eight is 17! Oh, wow, I’m so stealthy. MATT: You’re a rogue this go-round, man. All right, that ends Nott’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Oh, it is my turn! Can I use my bonus action to move my Hex from my defeated foe to my new foe right in front of me? MATT: You may. TRAVIS: Yeah, and can I whip my falchion around and upstrike, just try and cut right through him? MATT: Go for it. MARISHA and TRAVIS: (singing) I whip my falchion back and forth. TRAVIS: That’s only a 16. MATT: 16 hits! TRAVIS: Oh, good! MATT: His AC’s 15. TRAVIS: Can I say two-handed? MATT: I’ll allow it. TRAVIS: I’ve got to get in the habit of saying it. MATT: Yeah, you’ve got to say it. Two-handed, I’ll allow it. TRAVIS: 1d10. That’s a ten! Four– that’s 14 points of damage plus a d6, that’s 15 points of damage. MATT: So this one, that had already– 15 points of damage, right? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm! MATT: This is the one that you hit earlier with it. As you swing with your falchion, just spinning it in your hand, you arc upward. As you do, you watch as the gore and shadow of your Hex, which now seems to grasp around its chest, almost reaches out to meet the blade in the middle like the two bits of lightning hitting in the center of the sky. As they impact, the blade carries through the momentum, the strength coming from the blade, not from your actual body. As you do, you carve through a large portion of its torso. You watch as the hide armor folds off, revealing this huge gash wound in its chest. It (snarling and growling). It’s still standing, but it’s horribly wounded now. TRAVIS: You fucked with the wrong one, son. MATT: That end your turn, Fjord? TRAVIS: That does. MATT: All right, to the top. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to run up to these two and join the fray up here. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: First, I’m going to take a swing at the big guy. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: That’s 16 to hit. MATT: That hits! Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: And that’s– just using my normal one for this one. That’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. As soon as it rears from the attack, Fjord, you watch as in a flash the cloak billows of Mollymauk’s arrival. As the cloak falls, you just watch as the gnoll’s head just rolls off of its shoulders. You can see the blow that struck it. TALIESIN: Bonus action with the glowing sword goes down into the hyena. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Well, hot damn! TALIESIN: That’s an 11 to hit? MATT: That’s its armor class. Hyena doesn’t have a whole lot of armor. TALIESIN: All right, and that’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. With the one strike, you turn around and look at the hyena. (whoosh) with the offhand and just carve right through it. TRAVIS: With a flourish. MATT: Wait, because that didn’t have the– TALIESIN: No, this one was the glowing one. MATT: Well, the glowing one is your main hand. TALIESIN: Oh, it was my main hand? MATT: Then your offhand is the other one. TALIESIN: Oh, okay. I didn’t know how that. MATT: So what damage would it have been without the bonus? TALIESIN: That would have been four. MATT: Four damage? All right, so it’s still there. You carve through, and it’s wounded, but it’s still (whimpering). TALIESIN: I would have flipped them if I’d known. LAURA: Couldn’t you have attacked with your offhand first? TALIESIN: I was going to say, I would have flipped them if I had known. MATT: You could have. TALIESIN: I was going to hit the one that didn’t have much left. MATT: The idea is the bonus action attack happens as part of the attack action. TALIESIN: Sure, I’ll do it reverse next time. MATT: No worries, you can keep that in mind next time. It’s all good, you still beat the shit out of it with your offhand. So that ends Molly’s turn. Those two gnolls in the back, this guy is going to back up as he attempts to make a dexterity save. Fails! So he falls prone, uses the rest of his movement to get back up, so he can only move ten more feet so he can’t get that much further away. He’s going to go ahead and take a shot, this guy is going to go ahead and pull back, he’s out of the bearing range and begins making his way towards the door. MARISHA: No! MATT: They’re both going to take shots at Fjord. Actually, one at you, one at Molly. They’re not going to fire at you because you visibly caught one and dropped it in front of them like, “Fuck that.” MARISHA: Aw, damn it! TRAVIS: Fuck that! MATT: Against Fjord, that’s going to be 19. TRAVIS: Oh, that hits. MATT: And against Molly. TALIESIN: Blood Maledict on that fucker. MATT: Okay. That brings it down to a 14. TALIESIN: Yeah, that don’t hit. MATT: All right, as the one that is going to fire at you, Molly, pulls back its arrow, its eyes suddenly go dark and begin to bleed from the inside. It suddenly (snarling) and releases it, and you watch as that arrow splinters against the central column. The one that does come towards you, Fjord, however, does strike true. You suffer eight points of piercing damage as this one catches you right in the abdomen, a little bit to the right, tapping something kidneyish in that vicinity and you feel this sudden dull pain and nausea overcome you. That’s going to end the gnolls’ turn; Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I saw Nott dart in front of me and chuckle to myself, see Nott walk past, I’m going to walk forward and say: You are enjoying this too much, but okay. Can I see these two? You said they were backing away, correct? MATT: You can see this one. This one is technically being blocked by that central column. LIAM: All right then, the diamond comes up, I spin it and little charges of electricity crackle around it, and I kick it out from my hand and it spirals through the room to that one. MATT: Go ahead and roll your spell attack. LIAM: Come on, Grog! No. LAURA: Oh man, Caleb, so rough tonight. TRAVIS: (as Grog) Sorry. MATT: What’d you roll? LIAM: Two. Plus six is eight, did that do it? MATT: No, unfortunately. LIAM: Nein! MATT: It skitters off the central column and goes spinning out of control as the electrical sphere shatters against the stonework and dissipates the energy, absorbed by the surrounding stonework. LIAM: But I was so eager that I actually came down the steps my full movement. TALIESIN: I’ll also say I think we– oh no, that’s right, you’re double. MATT: Yeah, that would be your full movement there. Pretty close. LIAM: I don’t want to go there, I want to go to the bottom of the steps behind Mollymauk and Fjord. MATT: Ending Caleb’s turn, Beau. MARISHA: Right, okay. How far away is he? I’m having a hard time seeing. Can I close the gap? MATT: You could say maybe he’s about 30 feet from you. MARISHA: Okay, can I do some cool monk shit and do some wall running and leap and parkour and then get to this guy? MATT: You can certainly try. Make an acrobatics check for me. MARISHA: Acrobatics? TALIESIN: I can see this is going to end up with an Office parkour gif in your future. MARISHA: Parkour! Oh, that’s good! That’s a natural 18 plus six. MATT: As you run off the edge, the hyena takes a swing at you. That is going to be a 14. MARISHA: Miss! MATT: You feel it snap at your heel, but does not actually grasp any of your body. MARISHA: My foot just taps his arm just a little bit and I leap off of his arm. MATT: You push off of him, run across this wall, leap, hit this pillar, and then, using the momentum, leap and land right in front of the gnoll there. MARISHA: As I’m leaping, I want to take the staff and come down and go (crack) with a slap. Double handed, piece of shit gnoll! Oh god, it’s a two! MATT: What was the other one? MARISHA: That was my eight-sided die. I’m trying to efficient my rolls. MATT: Roll both? Yeah. As you swing down, the gnoll manages to see you up in the air and side steps as you hit the stonework. MARISHA: I scream as I come down the whole way going (screaming). MATT: (gnoll laughter) MARISHA: I just go (pop) and do a little jab, okay. That’s an 18. TALIESIN: You just slap him in the face. MATT: Damage on that one? MARISHA: That’s just a d4. Four, so eight! MATT: Eight points of damage, nice! As it’s laughing, (laughing, punch, growling) its jaw is dislocated and it snaps back into place. You see some of its teeth broke. It looks kind of dazed and hurt by it. It’s looking pretty rough; it’s taken some hits in the past. That’s the end of your turn. TALIESIN: He can’t run anymore. MATT: All right, that brings us to Jester. LAURA: I say, “Don’t laugh at my friend!” and I’m going to send my lollipop over and hit it in the face. MATT: Yeah, that’ll do it, 20 feet. MARISHA: Get a good hit, lollipop! LAURA: I don’t know if it’s going to hit it. Eight plus five. MATT: 13? No, I’m afraid that will not hit. As the lollipop comes around the corner, it sees it coming, and moves to get Beau to intercede between the lollipop and itself. At that moment, you’re like, “Oh, I can’t quite–,” and you end up withdrawing and not making the strike this round for fear of hitting Beau. LAURA: Toll the Dead! MATT: All righty, so that’s a wisdom save? That’s six, no! LAURA: Yay! Okay, seven. MATT: Seven points of damage. As you release the surge of energy, the sound begins to vibrate in its ears as it (whimpering) and it reaches up as both of its eardrums burst on the sides of its head and it falls to one knee looking like it’s completely ruined and dazed. And Beau, you have a moment to coup de grâce it. You (whack) and break its neck with one swoop of the bo. Combined, you both finish off that gnoll. MARISHA: Sounds great. TALIESIN: That’s so cool. That spell is so cool. LAURA: It’s pretty cool. MARISHA: Fuck yeah, that was awesome. TRAVIS: Toll the Dead is the bomb! MATT: Jester, you want to move? LAURA: I’m going to hang out where I am. MATT: Okay. End of Jester’s turn. The hyenas. This hyena is going to move past– TALIESIN: Does Fjord get an attack of opportunity on it? MATT: No, that one was not in melee with him. That one’s going to move up to you, Fjord. Attacking you, Fjord, that is a six. TRAVIS: No, it doesn’t hit! Thankfully. MATT: Attacking you, Molly. That is a 20. TALIESIN: That hits. MATT: You take two points of piercing damage as it snaps at you. Seeing that they’re both beginning to glance about and see that their allies are starting to back away, and there’s a lot of you up in this upper area, they’re both going to attempt to break away with the rest– TALIESIN: I’m definitely going to take an attack of opportunity on that one. TRAVIS: I’d like to, as well. MATT: Yep, both of you do. LAURA: We got to get that last gnoll before he leaves the room. TALIESIN: 14? TRAVIS: 21. MATT: Both hit. Roll damage. TALIESIN: Is this main hand? MATT: Main hand. This one is hanging on by a thread. It’s the one you damaged last round. TALIESIN: Eight points of damage. MATT: Yeah, you carve that one. You? TRAVIS: 11 points. MATT: As they’re rushing, you both (whoosh) simultaneously strike back at it as they’re attempting to flee and they stumble down the stairs. TRAVIS: Can we cheers swords? TALIESIN and TRAVIS: Tink. MATT: Perfect. Their bodies stumble to the ground and end up– it’s weird because their bodies hit the ground, and the momentum carries them as they slide across the ball bearings, almost like they’re lagging. MARISHA: Bad physics? TRAVIS: What’s that– kerning? Curling. MATT: Finished the hyenas’ round. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Seeing the gnoll’s expression, I know it well. It’s one of fear and about to run away. (laughter) MATT: Make an insight check. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: At disadvantage? SAM: 19. MATT: It is not disadvantage on wisdom checks. 19. This gnoll looks like it’s ready to fucking bolt. It is on the way out of the room. The tide has turned, it’s starting to see more and more of you appear at the top of the stairs as the hyenas and its friends are being destroyed. It’s going to run. SAM: Okay. I’m going to put the hand crossbow up and run as fast as I can, straight at it. Using my bonus action to dash, I’m going to say to it: Hey, you! If you spend all day in a well, well, that’s a day well-spent! I’ll cast Hideous Laughter on it. (laughter) LAURA: I’m glad we still get shitty jokes. MATT: It immediately goes (cackling) and falls on the ground, on its back, and is now rolling with laughter. Laughter that is echoing through the halls and making its way through the tunnel. SAM: Don’t you worry. Fjord, kill him! TRAVIS: You made it prone; it’s harder to hit that way! SAM: Get closer! TRAVIS: I’m trying! I would like to move up my 30 feet of speed. MARISHA: I turn behind me, I go: Watch the ball bearings! Watch the marbles! MATT: Make a dexterity saving throw. MARISHA: Shit. MATT: As you hear that just as you reach the bottom of the stairs. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: Okay, you get to the bottom of the stairs, and you barely begin to slip and catch yourself. It’s a DC 12. However, you continue to run. (counting) That’s about as close as you can get on your 30 movement– TRAVIS: Can I use my bonus action to move my Hex to the laughing gnoll on the ground? MATT: Yes, you may. TRAVIS: I’ll cast Eldritch Blast at it. MATT: Actually, make a concentration check. You’ve taken some damage, and I forgot to maintain your Hex’s concentration. TRAVIS: Oh. That’s right. Saving throw? MATT: Make two for me, if you don’t mind. TRAVIS: This first one is a 19. MATT: Correct. That’s fine. TRAVIS: The second one is 18. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. The Hex moves over– TRAVIS: I’ll remember that. MATT: Whenever you take damage, and you have a spell that’s concentration, you have to– TRAVIS: These spell rules. MATT: I know. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: Eldritch Blast? TRAVIS: Yes. Oh, sorry, plus six. MATT: Disadvantage. Because it’s still prone. TRAVIS: That’s even higher, so 14. MATT: 14? Still misses, unfortunately. It hits and gleans off of its armor. However, it isn’t quite strong enough to actually make a painful impact on its body and slams into the nearby rock, causing a spray of dust and debris. TRAVIS: The attack has to hit for Hex to work, right? MATT: Correct. All right. That ends your turn, Fjord. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to run down the stairs the opposite direction from the ball bearings. I’ll see where I can get, if I can get 30 feet. MATT: That’s as far as you can get, right there. TALIESIN: I’m going to also use Vicious Mockery again and yell: Shut up already! MATT: That actually is a 16. What’s your DC? TALIESIN: DC on that, it just says wisdom saving. MATT: Right. Against whatever your spell DC is. TALIESIN: Where is my spell DC? Well, it’s weird, I’m not a spell– MATT: Spellcaster technically. We will say for the purposes of this it’s eight plus proficiency bonus which is ten plus whatever your charisma modifier is. TALIESIN: My charisma modifier is zero. SAM: Yuck. MATT: Yeah. Not a big deal. For now. We’ll tighten it up. Cool. So no effect there. Molly’s turn is over. The gnoll’s turn. It is laughing its ass off. Now does it make– SAM: The end of its turn it makes a save. MATT: All right. Which is a 17. It manages to shrug off the laughter. SAM: At the end of its turn. LAURA: Oh, so it can’t get up and move. MATT: No. It’s just on the ground going (confused whimpering). It’s about to try and get back up. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I’m going to go along the edge of the steps this way and come down toward it and I’m going to now spin and flames lick around it and I’ll go (flick) and I flick that off my hand. This time is also not good. It is a 13. MATT: 13. It has disadvantage because it’s still prone. LIAM: Oh. For my attack? MATT: Yes. Against ranged spells. LIAM: Same thing. Rolled the same thing. MATT: Yeah, you release it and it just skids across the ground. Like skipping a stone across a lake. It slams into the wall behind it and (explosion). TRAVIS: I apologize. LIAM: No, it’s okay. No, I don’t believe in any of that bullshit. You all are crazy. MATT: It’s all good, man. Just survive to level five and everything will turn. Unfortunately it does not hit. LIAM: No, don’t worry about me. Keep going. Everybody attack. MATT: All right. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I want to do this as my two-handed attack, but for flavor to skin it. I want to stroll up, channeling The Rock. Charge up the elbow. Then we go a People’s Elbow. Come right down. MATT: You have advantage because it is prone. MARISHA: Just a full body weight (thudding). With advantage? Can I consider it a two-handed attack? MATT: You’re just getting your attack, so yeah, still with advantage. MARISHA: Oh my god! Why?! LIAM: Two and a three. MATT: Here’s what you do. You walk up. Tap tap. Leap and right as you’re in the air the gnoll kicks out of laughter. Rolls out of the way and you wham! MARISHA: (yelling in pain) LIAM: Never recover from that injury. TRAVIS: Yep, that shit just hangs out in there. MATT: The worst funny bone pain shoots through your arm as you get up. LIAM: You are going to be rubbing Tiger Balm into that shit for years. MATT: You still have your bonus. The gnoll actually starts laughing again. MARISHA: For flavor, my second attack isn’t really an attack. I’m in so much pain I go (yell) and I kick a little bit. MATT: Roll the attack. You still have advantage. Yeah, because it’s still prone. MARISHA: Natural 20! MATT: That will shut it up. LAURA: I like that your revenge hits are always really high. That’s twice now that they’ve laughed at you and you’ve hit them while they’re laughing at you. MARISHA: Every time I try to show off it never works. That’s what I’m learning. Okay, three doubled to six plus four. So ten. MATT: So as it’s laughing, you kick it in the head and you see it stunned on the ground for a second and its eyes kind of rolling in different directions. Nice heavy crack to the side of its temple. MARISHA: I don’t care too much. I just roll over and go fetal for a minute. MATT: Okay, ending Beau’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I’m going to skip over across the upper level towards the far stairs so I can see it. I’m going to send my Spiritual Weapon over to it and smack it flat on the ground! MATT: Okay, that does have advantage because it is technically in melee with it. LAURA: Jesus Christ, I don’t think either of them hit. 13 and lower. MATT: Nope. It’s just rolling out of the way of everything. It’s doing what Beau did in the last fight, but on the ground. LAURA: Then I’m going to Toll the Dead. Wisdom. MATT: Unless it rolls a natural 19. TALIESIN: This is amazing! MATT: This one gnoll is just holding on so hard. Jester, I think that ends your turn, unfortunately. LAURA: Jesus fucking Christ. (laughter) MATT: The hyenas are dead. There’s no hyenas left. TRAVIS: The proned-out gnoll is just making it through. MARISHA: Come on, Nott. Bring it home! LAURA: I’m going to sit down on the ground and– all my Mirror Images do the exact same thing. MATT: You watch as four shimmering Jesters all kneel down and shake their heads in their hands. Beau is over there going (gasps). MARISHA: It’s almost something like a Jacob’s Ladder moment, the end of his life is being stretched out. MATT: This gnoll is going to need some serious therapy. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I can’t believe this thing is still alive. It’s still prone, right? MATT: It’s prone, yeah, so melee attacks have advantage. SAM: So I walk up to it, and then point-blank shoot– not point-blank, but far enough away that– MATT: You’re at disadvantage with a ranged attack. SAM: All right, I’ll stand back ten feet. TALIESIN: No, you’ll still get disadvantage. MATT: You have disadvantage from a ranged attack up close and disadvantage against a prone creature. Right now, with your crossbow, it’s disadvantage regardless. SAM: Oh, well shit. Then I will draw a sword and I will– TRAVIS: Slap that bitch! TALIESIN: Now you’ve got advantage. MATT: Now you have advantage on the attack. TRAVIS: Get your hands dirty. SAM: Thank god. Okay, 18. MATT: 18 hits. Go ahead and roll damage with your sneak attack. SAM: Okay, 13. MATT: 13 points of damage. How do you want to do this? (cheers) SAM: I think, since it’s on the ground, I would like to pin it into the ground, if I can, by finding the thinnest thing on it and jamming my shortsword into the ground. MATT: As it’s cackling and moving around, I like to imagine this is all happening simultaneously. Beau’s on the ground holding her elbow, the weapon misses, and it’s rolling and cackling and starting to get up and you’re like “Hmm, there!” (thump) Almost unceremoniously it’s like (dying yip) and falls limp on the ground where you place it. It’s almost like the slow push from Saving Private Ryan. You’re like, “Shh, shh, shh.” LAURA: You’re terrible. MATT: (dying yips) and it expires there on the ground. LAURA: I go around and I collect the gnoll ears and I put them in the jar. LIAM: As the room falls still, I say: Well, he had a good run. A toast to that guy right there on the ground. SAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Cheers. SAM: He was like Beyoncé. He was one hot Knowles. (laughter and groaning) SAM: I don’t know! TRAVIS: One point of damage? All of us? MATT: Everyone takes one point of psychic damage. LAURA: I have a question. How similar do hyena ears look to gnoll ears? MATT: They are noticeably smaller and not gnoll ears. LAURA: What if we said they were baby gnolls? I’m going to cut them off just to be safe. MATT: Okay. Five sets of gnoll ears and four sets of hyena ears. LIAM: I’m going to call Nott over to the chest over on that side there. Do you see anything wrong with this? Is there anything hinky about that chest? SAM: I check for traps. Checking for traps. MATT: All right. SAM: This is an intelligence check? TRAVIS: Are you still intoxicated? LIAM: It’s investigation, I think. TRAVIS: Or has that shit worn off with some activity? MATT: The next ten to 15 minutes or so, you’ll be able to shake off the alcohol. SAM: For now, I rolled an 11. MATT: Okay. It does not appear to be trapped. SAM: It’s good! LIAM: Does it look good? SAM: It’s totally good. LIAM: Take a step back. You’ve earned this. I will open it, just in case. MATT: (clunk) It’s locked. LIAM: Oh. SAM: I will pick it! MATT: Okay. Go ahead and attempt, with disadvantage, to pick it. SAM: What am I rolling? MATT: It’s proficiency bonus, which is two, plus your dex bonus. SAM: Okay. Proficiency and dex. But disadvantage. Okay. 21. MATT: As the adrenaline pumps through your system, it wakes you up a bit and even with the intoxication that’s been flooding your system, you steal a moment of clarity and it opens without an issue. You glance at it, and the chest looks like it’s been bashed in a little bit, like one of the gnolls was trying to get into it and eventually gave up, got flummoxed, and threw it on the ground. As you open it up from the inside, you can see essentially a central medical pack, if you will. An emergency pack for any of the miners that had gotten hurt or wounded. There are two healer’s kits in there. There are a number of disinfectant herbs and funguses. Anybody who is proficient in medicine would know how best to utilize those. I don’t know if any of you are. TRAVIS: Nope. MATT: Then it’s a risky endeavor to maybe use one. You do find a small leather hand pack that contained four glass vials, three of which were shattered from the rough movements when it was tossed around, but one that is still intact. That contains a healing potion. SAM: Is it a healing potion? MATT: It is. It is a greater healing potion, not a standard healing potion. LAURA: Whoa! SAM: I hand it to Caleb. You need this more than all of us. You’re the squishiest. LIAM: Well, that’s probably true. Thank you. You take the two medicine packs and then– SAM: What do I do with these? I don’t, all right fine, I’ll take them. I collect medicine packs now. LAURA: I need them. I could probably use those. TALIESIN: I also like the idea of maybe giving the healing potion to the healer. LIAM: She can heal without the potion. TALIESIN: Can you heal yourself without the potion? LIAM: Of course she can. TALIESIN: Oh, well all right then. That didn’t really occur to me. SAM: I’ll keep the herbs. MATT: You can mark down medicinal supplies, would be what you’d call it. You are not entirely certain as to how they are applied, but they are probably healthy. LAURA: Can I look at them since I’m proficient in medicine? MATT: You’re proficient in medicine? Yeah. I was asking if anyone was proficient with it. LAURA: Oh, sorry. I was writing down gnoll sets of ears. MATT: (laughs) Fair enough. The medicinal supplies you have acquired can be utilized to remove poisons, if quickly applied to where the poison was put. It has two uses. If an action is taken to apply it to a wound, whether a bite or a wound that was poisoned, it can help remove the poison. TRAVIS: Oh shit. LAURA: It’s an action you said? MATT: It’s an action to apply it, yeah. LIAM: There was a lot of gnoll chatter in here, and a lot of exploding orbs and stuff, so I’m going to guess that we have alerted whatever is beyond that we are here. How do we wish to proceed? TALIESIN: Well, they make a lot of noise. They may not have noticed. MARISHA: Can I, since I’m in that general vicinity, go 20 or so feet into this hole and listen and see if I hear anything? LIAM: They don’t send orbs of fire through the air, though. MATT: As you step forward a little bit, make a perception check. LAURA: What was the question? I’m sorry. TRAVIS: There was no question. MARISHA: 13. MATT: You hear echoing, muffled in the distance. Some yipping, some conversation in whatever this gnollish language is. You hear a deep, resonant (deep breathing) and a distant (thump). An impact, and a sound near (yips). That’s all. Sounded quite a ways away, like this echo had been traveling a ways down this tunnel. MARISHA: I bend down– MATT: You hear a few other cackling chuckles that echo shortly thereafter. MARISHA: I turn around and come back to the rest of the group and say: There’s something bigger. TRAVIS: Jester, could you give me a heal a little bit? I took a little bit of a beating. LAURA: Oh sure. Yeah, I’ll cast Cure Wounds on him. MARISHA: I think there’s something bigger at play here. Whatever is driving these gnolls I think is deeper in. Can I look around and see if I can find anything like any papers, anything from that humanoid that might be intelligible? MATT: Make an investigation check, please. MARISHA: Okay, 20 total. MATT: Okay. Looking about the altar, you find some smaller pieces of fresher flesh that have been stretched over the edges of the altar, like on the corners. You can see a similar grin across the center. It’s all blood splattered from the hearts that were placed on there. As you wipe a little bit of it away, you can see stained into this loosely tanned human skin the same symbol of the jagged smile. The jagged teeth that form a grin that the various tanned banners that are stapled into the stone walls show and reveal. But no notes. No books, no parchment. MARISHA: Can I try and figure out what this is, if I recognize this symbol in any way? TALIESIN: I’d also like to join in on that with a religion check. MATT: You’ve already made a religion check before, and as you come up and join her, this particular symbol, the grin matches the memory, the flash you had of this entity. MARISHA: Yeenogru? LAURA: Yeah, Yeenoghu. MARISHA: Yeenoghu? MATT: You gather this is probably the symbol that represents this entity. TALIESIN: The cult of Yeenogru. LAURA: Yeenogru or Yeenoghu? MARISHA: Yeenoghu or what? MATT and MARISHA: Yeenoghu. TALIESIN: Mr. Magoo. Well, you know. Fake confidence. LIAM: Are you clear now? SAM: I’m fine. LIAM: How many fingers am I holding up? SAM: More than I think I have on my entire body. I think I just have four on each hand. LIAM: And thumbs? Or–? (laughter) LIAM: You good? Do we need to get out of here? SAM: Yeah. I’m good. We’re fine. I mean, is this the plan? We were supposed to free living people, but we got some arms. We could bring those back. LIAM: I don’t think, I mean, yeah, we could, but– LAURA: He did say to bring back anything we could find. SAM: Are there any identifiable body parts? MATT: You take a few minutes to look around, which gives you two notifications. One, nothing seems to be immediately coming in to search as to what the noises were, and you do hear other distant sounds. Impacts and cackling and stuff. You get the sense that the tunnels deeper in have some activity amongst the gnolls that live below whatever they’ve converted this mine network to be. You also see that all the bodies in this chamber have been pretty much picked of any identifiable facets. MARISHA: Jewelry, wedding bands, anything? MATT: If you want to take some time to really pick through it, you could try. Do you want to? LIAM: No, we’re still trying to get to people here. Our options are we press forward to something worse, or we backtrack and try the other direction, or we get out of here. TRAVIS: We have the silver thread up top, right? SAM: Did we do that? LIAM: Did we? No, we opted not to do that for time’s sake. LAURA: We could do it now. As we move forward. TRAVIS: Oh, it took a few minutes, didn’t it? LIAM: Yeah, we could do that now. TALIESIN: How are you feeling, Fjord? SAM: Yeah, Fjord, are we going to be Fjord Explorers or Fjord Escapes? LAURA: Jesus. LIAM: Yeah. I could do that quickly. I could put an Alarm here quickly. I could do it the fast way, and know if anything is coming behind us. Is that what we want to do? Do we want to go around? I don’t know, I’m a little terrified of what is down there. MARISHA: While he does that, can we, no we can’t take a short rest. It’s not enough time. MATT: That’s up to you. LIAM: That’s a half hour is a short rest. Or an hour is a short rest. MATT: It’s about an hour or so. MARISHA: Nope. Ignore what I said. LIAM: There’s two ways that I can do this. I can do it lickety-split or I can take my book out and do it the harder way, but that’s ten minutes, about. TRAVIS: I think it’s in front of us. MARISHA: There’s something real big back there. It’s real big. LIAM: We just have to march into it. Okay. TALIESIN: I’m not convinced that they don’t still have people alive down there. LAURA: I’m pretty much out of spells now. But that’s okay. TRAVIS: A short rest doesn’t get us spells back, does it? MATT: Not for her it doesn’t. (singing) Conservation! LIAM: How are you with that sledgehammer on your back? LAURA: What do you mean? LIAM: You’re carrying a sledgehammer on your back. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: How are you with it? LAURA: Oh. I don’t know. It’s a big weapon. MARISHA: She’s got a badass scythe. MATT: It’s more of a tool sledgehammer than a weapon sledgehammer. LAURA: Yeah, I’ve got a scythe. A sickle. TRAVIS: I’d like to volunteer that perhaps we move forward until we can see whether there are any living people that we can help and we make a decision then. MARISHA: I saw nothing that would clue me in as to what might be deeper and really big? MATT: Nothing that caught your attention. MARISHA: Okay. Let’s go. TRAVIS: That went far better than the village, but also that big armored bastard wasn’t there. TALIESIN: Let’s make a pile of these bodies, too. Just in case, maybe they think that they took each other apart. LAURA: Let’s set them up like they all were making out. LIAM: No, we don’t have time for that here. We have to get going. SAM: Like some sort of a circle-jerky sort of a thing? LAURA: Yeah, yeah. TALIESIN: On the way out. LAURA: Loosely prop them up like that. LIAM: When we’re victorious we can do disgusting things as we leave. Nott, I think you should take point again. SAM: All right. LAURA: Did you do the– LIAM: That I thought that was for going back the other way. We want to know if something comes behind us? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: The reasons for doing that are slighter and I don’t want to blow my wad magically. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: If we were going the other way, I might. TALIESIN: I agree. LAURA: Let’s go and be really smart and do this. SAM: Am I drunk or am I not drunk? MATT: If you were to take about ten more minutes, you’d stop being drunk. LIAM: We talked for seven minutes, yeah? TALIESIN: All right. SAM: All right. Wait for three more minutes and then go. MATT: Okay, so you want to wait until Nott shakes off the– TRAVIS: The booze? MATT: The influence, the booze. Eventually, you regain– MARISHA: While we wait for those three minutes I turn to Molly and I say, Do you remember anything in your recollections of this Yee…ah…noghu. LAURA and MARISHA: Yeenoghu. TALIESIN: Yoplait. MARISHA: Uh-huh. Yoplait is a female deity? Or a male deity? Do you remember? TALIESIN: It’s hard to remember. It’s a lot of aggression, anger. MARISHA: I’m wondering with that whole, you know– LIAM: Why are you curious about that? MARISHA: Well, the guy. The guy running the ceremony said that the hunger will be fed, “ours "and hers,” right? I mean, that’s what he said, right, DM? I didn’t mishear that? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Do I remember anything about either gender or that this would be– Other than I just saw a lot of aggression and a feral aspect of this. MATT: That was it, yeah. MARISHA: I just wonder who “hers” is. Who is that? LIAM: That is the crux of the matter. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Shall we go find out? TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, you hear one sound that varies very strongly from the others that have encompassed this tunnel sequence. You hear this female scream, this high-pitched shrieking scream that says, “No! My baby!” LAURA: Oh, no! This is what happens when we sit down and we talk. TRAVIS: We got to go. Can’t fuck around with mama deaths. LAURA: We’re moving forward as quickly as possible. SAM: I charge ahead. MATT: You guys rush down the tunnel deeper into the maze of mineshafts– MARISHA: What? MATT: And we’ll pick up on that next week. MARISHA: No! SAM: Whose baby? Where are they? Why were they crying? We’ll find out next week. LAURA: That’s one way to get your players to move. There’s babies dying. MATT: Also, babies. MARISHA: Oh my God! TRAVIS: (singing) We fucked up the gnolls, fucked up the gnolls. LAURA: I like that our pickle jar is getting filled with little– TALIESIN: Filled with pickled ears! LAURA: I’m smushing them down so that there’s like– MATT: Oh god! So it’s actually briney pickled gnoll ears? TALIESIN: Have you ever had pickled pigs’ feet? LAURA: Well, we drank all the pickle juice out of it, so, really they just kind of have a pickle stink. MATT: That’s true. TALIESIN: They’re in their own juices. MATT: Yeah, there you go. LIAM: It’s like a tip jar. MATT: Yeah, it’ll be an interesting, interesting learning process of conservation of spells as you progress down– LAURA: Well, I was saving them but then fucking Fjord asked for healing. MATT: I know. That’s okay. That’s what cantrips are for. That’s what weapons are for. LAURA: That’s what I was using, cantrips. MATT: That’s what I’m saying, something to keep– as you continue forward if you need to assault things. All right. Oh, quick announcement which is fun, so we’re going to have a guest next week. SAM: Oh. We are? MATT: Our first guest of the campaign. MARISHA: We didn’t know about this. MATT: Yeah you did, I mentioned it. MARISHA: We knew this. We totally fucking knew this. SAM: Do we know who it is? MATT: Yeah, next week we’ll be able to have on our show Khary Payton. LAURA: Yay! MATT: He’s a long-time friend of a lot of us here, we’ve worked a lot in the VO community. If you aren’t familiar with him, you should look him up. If you’ve been watching The Walking Dead or Fear of the Walking Dead, he’s been awesome. On that show for a long time. LIAM: Teen Titan’s Go!, plays Grimlock on Transformers, all over the place. MATT: Phenomenal voice actor, great actor. We’ve been talking for a long time, he’s been wanting to play in this for a long time, but he’s been very busy, of course, those things, but he’s in town and he’ll be joining us. MARISHA: He’s so nice. MATT: I know. MARISHA: He’s such a teddy bear. MATT: He’s fucking awesome. So we’ll have Khary here next week. We’re so excited to have him join us, and go give him a little love. He’s actually at a Kansas City convention right now with Will Friedle. TRAVIS: Oh, nice! MATT: So if you’re in that area over the next few days, you should go say hi and give him some Critter love or on the internet as well. So, yeah, excited to have him next week. In the interim, guys, have a wonderful week, we love you, thank you for joining us, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. MATT: Hello everyone! And welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Slight delay there due to tech issues but we’re back online and all is well. Tick issues are a problem– It’s a thing, I know. We’re going to jump in here shortly. We have a guest who’ll be joining us partway into the story. Before we get to that, let’s go ahead and get to our announcements and get them out of the way because we’re a little behind. We’ll try and rush through. First and foremost, tonight our sponsor and has been our sponsor from the beginning and onward into the campaign, our friends at D&D Beyond. They’ve been awesome. Sam! You seem ready to say something? SAM: You guys know what D&D Beyond is? It’s awesome. You should check out the site dndbeyond.com. They also now have open alpha access for an upcoming mobile app. The D&D Beyond team is looking for additional stress testers and you can sign up using the following links. Insert links below me. MATT: In case they aren’t– SAM: Oh, I have to read it? Okay, bit.ly/dndios and bit.ly/dndandroid. MATT: Bit.ly as in bit dot ly. SAM: Yeah, they know what bit.ly is. MATT: I’m just making sure! SAM: Sure. Since D&D is such a dorky 80s thing to do, I’ve composed a dorky 80s jingle for D&D Beyond. (cheering) SAM: (singing) You got the perfect warlock, the weapons and supplies, But you need a place to track your stuff, ‘cause you’re so disorganized! You click open the web page you heard about on Critical Role. Now you’re ready to kick some butt in that mineshaft full of gnolls! It’s D&D! D&D Beyond. Yeah D&D! D&D Beyond. You got your stats, you got your sword and you’ve got your invisible wand! It’s D&D! D&D (synthetic drum sound effects) D&D Beyond! (cheering and applause) TRAVIS: Oh my god! If they don’t make that they’re fools! MARISHA: That was magic! LAURA: I want to see that! TRAVIS: We’re going to make that right? We’re going to make that now. MATT: There are moments like this that it makes me a little sad that you’re no longer a bard. At least we keep the Scanlan alive with shit like this. TRAVIS: Tell me you were singing that in your car on the way home from work. SAM: I was. TALIESIN: I can see action figures busting through walls being held by hands (explosion sound effects). MATT: That was awesome. Thank you, Sam. SAM: You had to imagine the synths. MATT: Oh yeah, we were there. Thank you D&D Beyond for allowing that to happen as well as being a helpful tool. LIAM: Les Mis was a stepping stone for that moment. MATT: Awesome. Next up. Reminder guys who have Amazon Prime, with Twitch Prime, you can actually subscribe to a Twitch channel for free. One a month with your Amazon Prime account. If you have it, connect it to your Twitch account and you can subscribe to Geek & Sundry or any other Twitch channel you are a fan of, for free. LIAM: (as Mickey Mouse) Comes with Prime! MATT: What is going on? I’m so scared. TRAVIS: You hit a particular high note and we’re trying to do our best squeaky voice. MATT: It’s a really good idea to taunt the DM before you start playing. I think it works out really well for everyone involved. LIAM: Like the internet, we like to obsess about your every little movement. MATT: Of course, that’s okay. I have a sense of self. Talks Machina, of course, will be discussing tonight’s episode next Tuesday with our host W. Foster. Brian W. Foster. It’s been a long day. W Foster! MARISHA: It’s very formal. MATT: Isn’t it though? When he dresses up nice? Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific here at Twitch and Project Alpha to discuss what happens tonight. Check that out. Laura, you said there’s a merch update. LAURA: Yes! Hey! I don’t know if you guys have gone to the store lately but there’s stuff in there. The reason that I was talking today is because I was informed that there’s actually some more CR dice, not the Vox Machina dice– those aren’t back yet, but the CR dice are in stock if you’ve been wanting some of those. There’s also stickers and keychains and t-shirts– lots of t-shirts you should check them out– and notebooks and awesome pencils. LIAM: Still got that art book. LAURA: That art book and an apron for the Slayer’s Cake. SAM: Just one? LAURA: Just one apron. MATT: A single apron, get it now before it’s gone. Awesome, thank you, Laura. LAURA: Supplies are limited. MATT: The podcast for last week’s episode is available for download where all fine podcasts are available on the internet. If you have friends listening to the audio version, they be caught up, now. After this episode probably, they’ll start it now. You get it. We announced at Emerald City Comic Con we have a limited release, only 1000 copies of the physical copies of the Issue #1 of the Vox Machina Origins comic. (shouts of excitement) MATT: Oh, I haven’t seen it yet! LAURA: I haven’t seen it in person yet! TALIESIN: It’s all about the back. SAM: Don’t open it! Your hands will touch it and it will no longer be mint! (groaning) TRAVIS: Now it’s worth more. Keep going. MATT: There’ll be 1000 copies there. The limit is only five copies per person per day. MARISHA: Oh my goodness gracious. SAM: You’re on the back of a comic book? LAURA: Hey, and it’s the Slayer’s Cake apron that I was just– MATT: (laughing) Thank you Laura for pointing that out. (exclamations of awe) MATT: Dark Horse is releasing that for this special event. Please check it out if you are going to be there. Grab a copy if you want. It is March 1st through the 4th, and our good cast members here Laura and Travis will be there. LAURA: Yes we will as well as– You’re going to be there too. MATT: Oh shit! Well, there you go. You can go tell him how much you liked his character tonight. Speaking of the comic book: Issue five will be released on digital platforms of that very comic March 7th. Those that want to keep up and get to the next chapter of the six issue arc, issue five comes out March 7th so keep an eye out for that and we’ll have announcements as that comes. You can look for a sneak peek at the artwork at geekandsundry.com. Once again, our campaign is pushing our fantastic friends at 826LA. They’re an amazing charity group that takes underprivileged kids or children and young teens who don’t have the opportunity to get in depth and learn about creative writing and give them a safe space for them. They do wonderful work. Check it out if you have the opportunity. See if you can give either financially or with your time and you can volunteer to be part of the program. It’s really great. Other than that, appearances are as they’ve been and I think– SAM: I have one more thing. A quick shoutout to a critter named Carol who is an awesome fantasy writer and friend of the show. She’s been feeling a little under the weather but she’s been watching our new campaign and I wanted to wish her a speedy recovery and thanks for watching. MATT: Love to you, Carol. All right guys, without further ado, let’s dive into tonight episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] (laughter) MATT: Welcome back. The DM will remember that. LIAM: Are we doing a show right now? MATT: We are. LIAM: (whimpering) Okay. MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off: The group of adventures in seeking a warband of gnolls which had attacked the city of Alfield they were passing through on their way to Zadash. Began to track them as to where they had retrieved a number of bodies, both dead and living of the civilians of the town and taken them with them. You eventually track them to an abandoned mine a number of miles away from the city to the northeast. You entered, narrowly missed a trap or two, managed to recover a couple of interesting items, delved off to the left side during the first divide of pathways, and came upon some sort of small ritual with a number of gnolls and some humanoid figure wearing bits of gnoll as an armor or cloak. Doing a ritual– after he had left along with the previously armored gnoll that you had battled during the incursion at Alfield. You tore into a number of hyenas and gnolls that remained within the chamber and upon defeating them, took a moment to take a breath, get your bearings before hearing a muffled boom in the distance, some sort a low vocalization, some cackling, and eventually the scream of a woman saying, “No, my baby!” You began to run and give chase. That is where we’re picking up this week. Grabbing your weapons and keeping your mettle about you, you charge further down the tunnel. The shaft curves to the right in a wide spiral about a few dozen– there we go. What was that? TRAVIS: The shaft curves to the right. SAM: You said “The sha–” and she laughed. Like before you were done with the word shaft. LAURA: Because the shaft curves to the right, y'all. LIAM: It’s her psychic power. TRAVIS: It’s usually to the left, but whatever. MATT: It’s okay. SAM: Not from her perspective. (laughter) MATT: Boom! MARISHA: That’s fair. TRAVIS: Too fast! Like a fencer! That was amazing! LAURA: Only you. (laughter) MARISHA: Walked into that one. LIAM: Well. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Life or death. Here we go. MATT: The tunnel continues in a wide spiral before eventually snaking a bit– (laughter) MARISHA: You’re an asshole. MATT: –before sharply turning to the right. The tunnel straightens out before emerging into a chamber of– goddamn it guys, this is serious! Lives are at stake here. Okay. (laughter) MARISHA: What were you going to say? TRAVIS: You got it. We’re with you. Life or death. SAM: The path– MATT: The tunnel straightens out before emerging into a chamber of mixed natural rock walls and simple stone work. Two other tunnels mark this chamber as a Y intersection or like a second common room. Similar to the one you that you originally encountered when you entered the mine. Tables and stools are strewn about the area, with a pair of hyenas currently picking at junk for scraps. You see bits of meat that are being dragged across the ground by them about 20 feet off to the left. Two thick natural pillars of rock currently stand as load bearing portions of the chamber breaking the open space while a crumpled section of the floor drops into a pit below. Two closed doors, to the left of where you’re looking into it, are guarded by a skeletal gnoll and two standard gnoll warriors, one of which has apparently pulled a small child from one of the doors. The sound of muffled cries coming from beyond the closed door. Four other gnolls rush from within the chamber into the right tunnel exiting on the opposite side. What do you guys do? MARISHA: Four to the right? MATT: You watch as four of them rush into the other exit. There’s an exit to the left and an exit to the right. They exit the room to the right and then there’s three left: two regular– MATT, TRAVIS, and MARISHA: (singing) Regular gnolls! MATT: –and then one skeletal gnoll and then two hyenas that are currently picking at scraps. You can see as the gnoll pulls the child out, is currently in the process of crying and they’re both looking at each other like– still holding the child by the arm essentially– but currently is bickering with the other gnoll. LIAM: From our vantage point, it is the entrance that we’re at and then there is doors to the left–? MATT: Let me go ahead and give you a visual. TRAVIS: (singing) Visual aid, visual aid. LIAM, TRAVIS, AND MARISHA: (singing) Visual aid, visual aid. LAURA: Oh no! If this is like a running thing this whole campaign– TALIESIN: Oh, there’s no getting away from this. (laughter) (Oohs and ahs) LAURA: Look at that opening, it’s so cool looking! SAM: Where are we? MATT: You guys are entering from this side. LAURA: Oh that’s a little door? That’s the door you we’re talking about? MATT: Yep. SAM: There’s too many options! MATT: Essentially, over here– You can place yourselves as you feel necessary. Off to this side, in whichever marching order you prefer. LIAM: I will be at the rear. MATT: I figured as much. LAURA: How old is the child that got pulled out of the room? MATT: At first glance, it’s hard to see, especially for those of you who are keeping their light low, because there is no light source in the chamber. Those with dark vision will be making out most of the details here. TRAVIS: I’ll be up front. I can do that. MATT: All right, that would put Fjord up at the front. LAURA: I’ll be behind Fjord. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I can’t see shit. MATT: Given this, you guys are deciding what to do. There’s, in a brief moment of quiet, a loud boom that shakes the interior of the chamber. You watch as both the hyenas (squeal) look up, scared. The two gnolls immediately look about. Dust and rocks begin to settle and fall from the ceiling as it shakes and then comes to rest. A moment later, a cloud of dust and smoke comes billowing out this side of the chamber where the four gnolls had run previously. Then the rumbling settles. The gnolls themselves are spooked. Then, distracted from the child at the moment, both peeking over, the undead gnoll stands there glancing about, seeming unaffected by the current scenario. Passive perception, the highest on this would be Beauregard, Caleb, Molly, and Jester, I believe. Actually, Caleb and Beauregard would not, because they don’t see anything. You guys hear sounds, and you’re waiting for any inclination of light to kick in. LAURA: What do we see, though? MATT: You guys see the faint appearance of some sort of a flying creature, very small, emerge from the tunnel that had recently expelled all this dust and smoke. LAURA: Frumpkin size or smaller? MATT: Frumpkin size. (humming) It hovers in the air in a few places, and then locks itself over here onto this far wall, on a higher perch. TRAVIS: Fucking bugs. LAURA: Did you see that? TALIESIN: I think I saw that. Did you see that? LAURA: I saw that. MATT: (snarl) Another moment passes, and the gnolls relax. You watch as the immediate dread of the recent explosion sound, the shocking and rocking of the room, seems to have passed over them. They both go back to paying attention to their recent vicinity, which includes the small child, which is still quietly sobbing in the painful grasp of this large curled gnoll hand. TALIESIN: On the count of three? SAM: Wait, are we just going to attack? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: We should distract them–! LAURA: Radiant blast! SAM: Oh, Jesus. LAURA: Sacred Flame, I mean. MATT: All right. The ones who are making the initial strike on this– SAM: I could distract them or something first! TRAVIS: Eldritch Blast for me, yeah. LIAM: I will also do that as well, following suit with everybody. MARISHA: Wait, are things happening? LAURA: Don’t hit the kid! MARISHA: We can’t see! Do you have your lights? MATT: Caleb, you don’t see anything. LIAM: Oh, okay. MATT: The ones who can see in the dark right now, which would be the four of you, you guys get a round of attack on this. TRAVIS: Nice. MATT: Where you’re currently positioned, I would like you all to roll initiative before we get to your round, just so we have it. TRAVIS: Come on, first roll of the night! Be fucking amazing. TALIESIN: Yay! MATT: Not so much? TRAVIS: I’ve had better. MATT: All righty. So– SAM: I’m not drunk anymore, right? MATT: No, that’s worn off. LIAM: Great. How about Nott? MATT: 25 to 20? MARISHA: 20. SAM: 24. ALL: Ooh! SAM: Natural 20. MATT: All right. 20 to 15. TALIESIN: 16. LAURA: But you can’t see, Beau. MATT: She’s missing the initial round. LAURA: Oh, this is for the whole thing. MATT: Correct. This is just general combat. LAURA: If I’d have known that, I would have rolled better for the whole thing. MATT: That’s true. Sorry about that. That’s okay. LAURA: I wasn’t trying so hard. MATT: 15 to ten? LAURA: Ten. TALIESIN: That’s very adequate. LIAM: I have rolled a nine. TALIESIN: This is going to be the thing for the entire campaign. This is going to be the joke that never goes away. Nein! LIAM: (singing) Regular gnoll, regular gnoll. LAURA: Oh no, oh no. LIAM: That’s it. Just nine and regular gnoll, that’s all that we have. That’s campaign two, ladies and gentlemen. MATT: That leaves– you rolled a what? TRAVIS: An eight. MARISHA: Nines and gnolls. That’s our group name, you guys. TALIESIN: No! Don’t joke, don’t ever. SAM: It’s one of the best rolls you can make in the game. What is our initiative shit? LAURA: Ah! MATT: Nott, you’re up first. SAM: Okay, but I didn’t see, and you guys decided to attack first. I will grace you going first if you prefer. LAURA: You’re going to hold your turn? MATT: You feel the tension rising and you’re like, I’ll follow their lead. SAM: Does that mean I still get to move and shit when I do my move? MATT: That means you’re holding your action. SAM: Then I’ll go now. Because they’re more than 30 feet away, right? MATT: Yeah. You can see what’s out there, you just don’t notice the bird. SAM: Hand crossbow, it says 30/120. I’ve got to be within 30 to hit them without disadvantage, right? If I run out there, they’ll see me and I won’t be sneak attack anymore, right? How does this work? MATT: If they don’t know you’re there, which this is currently what’s considered an ambush round, you still have advantage on your first strike if they’re not aware of your presence. Which means it would cancel out that disadvantage. SAM: I can take my shot from here. MATT: You can, yes. SAM: All right. I will fire. MATT: All right. SAM: Ooh! 17 plus a lot. Six! 17 plus six to hit. MATT: That hits. You do not get sneak attack on this because you do not have advantage on the strike. SAM: I thought you just said I had advantage! MATT: You had advantage, but you have disadvantage because they’re beyond the– LIAM: It cancelled out your advantage. It’s just a straight roll and you lost the sneak attack. SAM: Could I run forward and still get the sneak attack? MATT: You could try it. SAM: That’s what I will do. Undo. LAURA: Roll again, because you might get natural 20! SAM: Now I have to roll for stealth, right? MATT: You’ve been stealthed as you crept up on this from the last time, so go for it. SAM: I’m rolling to hit? MATT: You already hit on that. LAURA: Roll again for advantage, you might get a 20. SAM: Okay. Still 17 plus six. MATT: Now you get a sneak attack, go for it. SAM: Cool. LAURA: Did you find it? MARISHA: I did! It was nowhere it should have been. SAM: 11 points. Not very good rolls. TRAVIS: Which one are you aiming at? MATT: Not bad, either. SAM: The one that’s holding the child. MATT: As it’s holding the child and it’s looking down at the young boy, lifting it off the ground and bringing it towards its jaws as its teeth open wide, its lips curl back like it’s ready to take a quick little nibble of the child’s arm. Suddenly the bolt hits it in the side of the jaw and it’s sticking out. (squeal, snarl) It starts looking over in your direction and it looks right towards you. (growl) SAM: Can I use my regular– regular gnoll. Do I have remaining movement as a bonus? MATT: No, it’s your full movement to get there. Bonus action you can dash if you want to. SAM: Yes. I will dash away, but I can’t hide. I will dash behind those rocks to my right. MATT: Over here? SAM: Yes. In those skulls or anywhere around there. MATT: That works fine there. Beau. TRAVIS: She can’t see shit. LAURA: I’m not Beau. MATT: Sorry. Beau, you lose your turn. It’s been a long day, I’m sorry. Molly, you’re up next. TALIESIN: I’m going to run straight in, take a look around. Is the undead one the closest one to me? MATT: It is, yes. TALIESIN: Push me a little more against the wall. MATT: Over here? TALIESIN: Yeah, over there. I’m going to hit that undead one with Vicious Mockery. Actually, I’m going to hit the one that has the kid with Vicious Mockery, not the undead one. MATT: Okay. Same roll, puts him at a two, natural roll, so he’s affected by it. TALIESIN: Oh that’s right, I don’t have to roll to hit. Just a wisdom saving throw. That’s three points of damage. MATT: All right, and he has disadvantage on his next attack roll. TALIESIN: Yes. (rasping) Drop the child! TRAVIS: Jesus Christ. TALIESIN: Get used to it. MATT: The skeletal gnoll turns to you (cracking). It seems to hear it and there’s something about the speech and the connection to this entity that cause it to shudder for a moment. That ends your turn? TALIESIN: Yep. I’m holding waiting for them. MATT: Next up is Beau. Wait, no. Sorry. That’s my problem, I wrote Beau twice on this. TRAVIS: I’m the only other one that can see. LAURA: I’m Beau number two! MATT: Jester and then you. LAURA: I lied! I am not going to do the Sacred Flame, I’m going to do Toll the Dead because that’s a wisdom saving throw. MATT: Okay! Toll the Dead to which one? LAURA: To the one holding the kid. MATT: All righty. Constitution saving throw? LAURA: That’s a wisdom saving throw. MATT: That is going to put him at a 15. LAURA: Aw, he saves. MATT: Sorry. As it seems to ring within its head, the impact of the necromantic magic, currently still reeling from the pain in the throat from the bolt, it seems to shrug it off, unaffected. Then Fjord, you’re up. LAURA: (rasping) Next time I’m going to really hurt you! I said that in Infernal. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah! TRAVIS: Which one of them is the undead looking gnoll? MATT: Right there. TRAVIS: That guy. I would like to aim at the dude on the right, the one closest to you, and I will carry over my Hex that is still up since it lasts an hour, so for my bonus action I will cast Hex on that motherfuck. MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: I would like to use Eldritch Blast. MATT: Go for it. Roll for the attack. TRAVIS: Plus six, that’s a 20. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. This is a 1d10 plus four. That’s 11 plus five points of necrotic damage for 16 total. MATT: 16 points of damage, all right. As it’s standing on this upper portion of the rock floor, it glances back as you guys enter. You guys see a flash of light from the arcing of the arcane energy as it streaks across and slams into its body just in time to see another shadowed shape emerging out of this tunnel to join the fray. As it falls back (snarling, chattering). That’s going to end the initial round of combat. Now we’re into the initiative order. At the top of this, you guys glance over and the four of you, at least, see this shape begin to emerge from around the wall. You see this tall, spindly humanoid figure that begins to curve around the side. Khary, if you want to join the table. (cheering) TRAVIS: Spindly, what? MATT: If I can have you roll initiative when you get settled in there. TRAVIS: Oh, man, I don’t even know what that means! LAURA: I’ve got to see this dice as you roll it. MARISHA: Do you want a dice tray, Khary? We have an extra one down here. KHARY: Oh my goodness, look at this! MARISHA: Look at that. TRAVIS: The luxurious life. LIAM: Welcome, friend! Welcome! KHARY: This is the first time this dice has been rolled, ladies and gentlemen. TRAVIS: Do it. MARISHA: It’s a christening roll! LIAM: It’s a one! KHARY: It’s a one? TRAVIS: Welcome! Welcome! LIAM: One of us! One of us! [laughing] KHARY: Thanks for having me, guys. I’ll just be taking this. LIAM: Storytelling! LAURA: You weren’t even rolling those dice? KHARY: Yes. All right, here we go. MATT: You, having succeeded at some of your other business, begin to creep further into these tunnels and suddenly see a cluster of unidentified individuals rushing in here and attacking these gnolls in front of you and the surprise of it apparently puts you off for the moment. KHARY: Just a little. MATT: We’ll come to you in just a moment. Good to know. At the top of the combat round, Nott, you’re up first. SAM: That was it? We cycled through a whole round of combat? MATT: The surprise round. The humans can’t see anything, unfortunately. Everything you’ll be doing will be at disadvantage after this point. SAM: I’ll have to move. I’ll lean around to get around that stalagtite. MATT: Around here? SAM: No, just so I can get an eyeline on the one I already shot once. MATT: Back over here? SAM: Yeah. Anywhere. I’m going to move right back in a second. I’ll lean around, reload. Oh, god! Fire again. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Do I get sneak attack? No, right? MATT: No, because you’re not hidden. SAM: Shitballs. 20 to hit. MATT: 20 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Eight. MATT: Eight points of damage. That’ll do it, actually. As it’s holding the child and lifting it up by the arm in the air, it looks like it’s ready to run away and grab it with it. As it turns to flee, you catch it in the base of the skull and it falls to the ground. The child falls prone onto the floor next to the now lifeless gnoll body. SAM: What does the child look like? He or she? It’s a boy? MATT: It looks to be a young boy, probably between six and eight years old. You’re not quite sure of the age. SAM: And human, I don’t know anything about. Is it injured? MATT: You haven’t got a strong bead on it but he looks to be humanoid. MARISHA: Six or eight years old? MATT: Around that age group, you’d assume. TALIESIN: Some would say seven. LAURA: Yes! The field is ours now! SAM: No! I’m too scared to go over there. No, there’s a child in need. We’ve got to help. TRAVIS: You’re sober now, right? SAM: Yeah. Nott’s going to scurry over to the boy as fast as she can scurry. MATT: 30, and then you can use your bonus action to dash if you want to. SAM: Yep, all the way to the little boy. MATT: That’ll do it. You can get right to the little boy. SAM: (screech) MATT: As you run up, the little boy’s like, (screaming) Just starts screaming bloody murder in the tunnel. [laughing] SAM: I’m good! I’m a good one! I’m good! MATT: (screaming) He starts crying even louder, somehow scared of you more than the gnoll. [screaming] LAURA: Now it’s a horror movie. MATT: That’s your turn, Nott. Beau, you’re up. You’re hearing all these sounds, but you can’t see anything. MARISHA: I’m going to turn to Caleb and be like: Can you do the thing? The lights? LIAM: Get back to me in a second, in about nine seconds. MARISHA: I’m going to wait until he casts Dancing Lights. MATT: You can’t move in there if you hold your action, but you can move in and then hold your action if you want to. You’re just not quite sure where you’re walking. MARISHA: Okay. Sure. I will stumble forward. I will head towards Molly because I’m going to follow his fluorescent purple coat. TRAVIS: Just doing this? MARISHA: Molly! Molly! MATT: He’s easy to see because Molly has this faint, luminous glow around the sword from his right. You see that as a beacon. You’re like, “That I know, that I can follow.” You cozy up right next to Molly and carefully prepare yourself. MARISHA: Where are they? MATT: What action are you holding? If any. MARISHA: I– Because I moved and I’m not near anything. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: So I’ll take the Dodge action. MATT: Okay. Dodge action. You’re just being careful. All right, ending Beau’s turn, Molly, you’re up again. TALIESIN: I’m going to rush the undead one. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Spinning swords at bloody high speed and take two shots. MATT: Go for it. Do you want to be on the higher ground here or–? TALIESIN: Ooh! Can I do the higher ground? MATT: Yeah, you can. TALIESIN: I’ll do the higher ground. That’s exciting. LIAM: Now taking the stage, it’s Mollymauk! TALIESIN: That sucks! I’m taking your– LAURA: I was trying to help! TALIESIN: Nope! MATT: And your off-hand? TALIESIN: That’s a 15. MATT: 15 does hit. TALIESIN: Okay. Yep. No. That’s at least eight points of damage. LAURA: That’s great! TALIESIN: That’s okay. That’s okay. I’m now engaged in combat with him, so that’s fine. I am whirling dervish that hits nothing at this point. SAM: As per usual. TALIESIN: I’m a hippie with poi right now. Might as well be a pair of pois. Wah! Wah! MATT: Good to know. End of Molly’s turn, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Oh! Okay. I’m going to move forward into the room. To about, yeah, there’s good, sure. I’m going to try it again. Did the guy up there get hurt at all? MATT: Yeah, he’s been damaged, yes. LAURA: Yes? Then I’m going to cast Toll the Dead at him. MATT: All right. That is a 14. LAURA: Fucking A, piece of shit! TRAVIS: What’s the save? LAURA: It’s 13 because I’m lame! MATT: Sorry. As you try and release the energy once more, it can’t quite get a bead on the gnoll’s head. It’s moving around and dodging and you can’t focus on it. LAURA: I’m going to start unsnapping my sickle to get it out to hit things. MATT: Okay. As you’re fussing with this side, that’s the end of your turn. All right. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I cannot see anything, so I cast Dancing Lights. I put one above my head and as soon as I get a little bit of light, I send one over Beau’s head and then I send one about 20 feet beyond Beau and then the fourth one, even beyond that one so there’s a line of four lights because I don’t know what the chamber is shaped like. MATT: The chamber erupts into bright light like there’s four torches now lifting brightly at the entire space. TRAVIS: Ah, god! MATT: Bright visuals there, you can now see the child on the ground being scared shitless by the goblin trying to help. The undead gnoll that’s currently locked in combat with Molly. You see the two hyenas that are both snarling and getting ready to pounce on whoever comes too close. The one wounded gnoll over there. As well as, if you’d like to describe yourself. (exclamations of excitement) SAM: Where is he? LIAM: You know, Matthew, the guiding lights, those little ’“foomphs” of light, they only have a 10-foot radius, so probably the edges of the line that I have cast just barely makes it flame. MARISHA: They’re like market lights so it’s pretty. Yeah. LIAM: Of course. It is, of course, pretty. Never mind, just continue. MATT: Yes. So. KHARY: The thing you probably notice about me, first of all– TRAVIS and MARISHA: (high-pitched) Ooh! SAM: No. You can’t have a better accent than all of us. KHARY: –is my hair. My billowy, white afro. TRAVIS: Yes! KHARY: Fingers of curly hair radiating in all directions. That should be the thing that you notice first about me but that’s not it. It’s my eyes. My eyes, as white as my hair. My pupil-less eyes as white as my hair. As white as the hair dripping down from my chin to a straight point about three or four inches below. I think that’s all you really notice. TRAVIS: Shit! MATT: Caleb, do you wish to move? MARISHA: I’m in love. What? MATT: Caleb, do you wish to move? MARISHA: Oh! LIAM: Oh. Fuck that. I will stay where I am. No, thank you. MATT: All right. Fjord and the gnoll going at the same time. What are you doing? TRAVIS: Eldritch Blast again at that motherfuck. MATT: As this gnoll here has taken the impact is going to rush over towards Mollymauk to attempt to take a strike. While another gnoll who’s bloodied and partially crushed is now hobbling its way up out of this tunnel and spins around to see you up against the side of the wall (growls and yips). All right, Fjord? TRAVIS: 16 plus six, so 22? MATT: That hits. The gnoll’s going to be striking you. That’s a three, that’s not going to happen. No. TRAVIS: Eight plus four is 12 plus four points of necrotic for 16 total points of damage. MATT: All right. The reason it misses is right as it swings towards you, Fjord raises the back of the sword and fires a blast of eldritch energy that hits the back of the gnoll’s shoulder as it tries to spin and strike you. As it does, it goes wide. It pirouettes on its foot and stumbles back into the open hole. (high-pitched yell) TRAVIS: Oh, there’s an open fucking hole?! That’s good to know! Oh, shit! MATT: Yeah! LIAM: Did you hear the sound go (high-pitched yell)? So it’s not ten feet, it’s big. TRAVIS: Okay. Good to know! Fuck. MATT: You’re a ways away. It’s hard to see. TRAVIS: Yeah. Uh-huh. MATT: Described your initial description of the room, though, so now you know. As you, who has not given your name yet, but you turn around and see this gnoll as it looks towards you. It’s leaning towards– normally, it would be seven-foot, but it’s hunched and wounded and as it turns down, it snarls. Takes its spear and attempts to pin you to the wall a bit. That’s going to be a 12. What’s your armor class? KHARY: My armor class is– what is it? It’s 15. MATT: 15? It does not hit. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: As it swings, you push out of the way in time, parrying it with your hand and your cane off to the side and it smacks into the stone and sparks off of it for a second, hitting flint. All right, that ends the gnolls’ turn. The hyenas go. Both of these hyenas now, turning around and seeing what’s happening are going to rush forward. This one is going to run up alongside and attack Molly. This one is going to rush over to Nott. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: Attacking Molly, that’s going to be a 16 to hit? TALIESIN: That hits. MATT: All right. It’s going to be– TRAVIS: Dance harder, dance harder! MATT: –two points of piercing damage. As it snaps up and bites the edge of your foot, you have to kick and shake it off on the rocks to get it to let go. The one that’s striking towards you, Nott, that’s going to be an 18 to hit? SAM: Hits! MATT: You take only one point of piercing damage. It gets one little bite on the side of your elbow and you immediately pull away and kick it instinctually in the chin, going (yelps). The kid is now freaking out of his mind as now there’s, from his perspective, two snarling beasts cornering in. That’s going to end the hyenas’ turn. All right. Your go. KHARY: I would say, if this thing is this close to me. MATT: Yeah, it’s right up against you. KHARY: It’s right up against me. I think I should push him away. MATT: If you feel the need, yeah. KHARY: Let’s see. Thunderwave? MATT: Certainly! SAM: Skadoosh. MATT: Is that a wisdom saving throw or constitution–? LIAM: It’s a constitution save. KHARY: That is a constitution save. MATT: That is a three. A natural two plus, actually plus zero. So two. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, that fails. MATT: Yeah, that fails. SAM: Your spellcasting modifier– TRAVIS: He rolled a two, you’re fine. LIAM: 15! KHARY: 15. It failed. Ah. Well, great. MATT: 13, I believe. All right, cool. Go ahead and roll the damage of that. KHARY: With this? MATT: Well, it should say it on the spell there. MARISHA: I think it’s 2d8? LIAM: Thunderwave is 2d8. Yeah. 2d8 there. You want the one that’s shaped like a diamond. Here it is. Yeah. That’s good and then roll one more time. Oh, that’s good! KHARY: Five and seven? TRAVIS: 12. Damn! MATT: 12 points of damage! As you turn towards it, describe what you do with your spell as the gnoll pulls back with its spear. KHARY: I take my reed of a wand and whip it. Three times. MATT: (whipping sounds) As the third one hits, there’s a burst of energy forward. You watch as the gnoll gets blown back, slamming into the stone wall and falls back to its knees before getting itself up. It was previously wounded, now it’s on death’s door. It looks like it’s starting to hobble and try and flee. TRAVIS: Would you say you whip your reed back and forth? You whip your reed back and forth? KHARY: I do. I whip my reed. I whip my reed back and forth. MATT: Do you wish to move? KHARY: I do. I wish to move away from this gentleman that I just knocked against a wall and how about we take a perch on top of– there we go, baby. LIAM: Oh, look at that fucking miniature! MARISHA and LAURA: So cool! MATT: That finishes your turn. At the top, Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay, I’ve got this thing on my arm? So with my other hand, I will (high-pitched whimpering) grab its face (normal voice) and I will say a few a words that Caleb told me and cast Shocking Grasp on it! MATT: Okay! What is the spell save on that? SAM: Shit, how do I find out? You click on it. MATT: Oh, it’s a spell melee attack. So go and roll– SAM: Ooh! Nine. MATT: No. You try and reach out, but the snout is too slobbery and your hand slips off of it and it discharges the spell having no effect. SAM: (yelps) MATT: (yips) SAM: Oh, god. MATT: All right. SAM: Let’s see here. I’ve still got some bonus-y stuff. Can I disengage? No, because– MATT: Yeah. SAM: Okay. I’ll disengage, grab the boy, and try to lead him behind the– there’s an overturned table? MATT: There is an overturned table. Yeah, these are overturned tables over here. SAM: Like right there. MATT: Oh, right next to you. Yeah, you’re right. Right there. SAM: Can I do that? MATT: You can, yeah. LAURA: Will the hyena get a bite on the kid? SAM: We’ll find out. MATT: As you drag the child away, while you’ve disengaged, you pull the child out of the range of the hyena and it sees the opening and snaps out towards– LAURA: Children have no hit points! SAM: I’m sure this one is hardy. MATT: (chuckles) LIAM: (singing) Careful, the kids you pull. LAURA: (singing) Hyenas will bite them. MATT: The hyena bites down and its jaws clamp into the child’s clavicle and chest. You hear this clenched scream that’s immediately muffled as you watch a bit of blood begin to pour out of the side of his mouth. As you pull the child from its jaws, the child is alive. For now. Unconscious and bleeding out. (groaning) MARISHA: Thank god it wasn’t me this time. MATT: That ends your turn, Nott. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, seeing the situation that Nott is in, I’m going to immediately run over and attack that hyena. MATT: Putting you there easy enough. MARISHA: I’m just going to run up and go, “Yeah, get!” Go kick and just kick it real hard. TRAVIS: G-I-T. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Git! MARISHA: Natural 20. TRAVIS: That it is. MATT: Roll some damage. MARISHA: I use my staff as a little bit like a jumping leverage point to give me a little bit of momentum and– TRAVIS: Mini pole-vaulting? MARISHA: Yeah. What do I do? I roll 1d8 and then double it. That sucks, but that’s six plus four, so ten. MATT: That’s enough to do it. As you kick, the hyena gets launched and arc through the air, slamming into this table which busts it up against the wall onto its side and you can’t even see the lifeless body of the hyena. It’s currently buried beneath the overturned table. That’s your first– MARISHA: Can I do a bonus action to use my med kit on the kid? My healer’s kit? MATT: It’s an action to use a healer’s kit, unfortunately. You still have some movement. MARISHA: I’ll just move over to the kid and hold the wound. TRAVIS: Stem the flow? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Okay, so you get down with Nott at this point and you’re trying to think of some way to apply pressure to prevent the bleeding. Okay, that ends your turn. That brings us to Molly. TALIESIN: I’m taking a roll at the big guy. First strike. MATT: That’s right, I forgot to put the undead guy on the initiative order which he would have gotten a round. We’ll say you and him go simultaneously at this point since you engaged him. TALIESIN: That’s fine because that’s a 19 to hit? MATT: That’s a 13 to hit you. What’s your armor class? TALIESIN: 15. MATT: Yeah, even as it goes to strike at you with some sort of rusted battleaxe, you still manage to lift your foot out of the way and strike down towards it. TALIESIN: This is with the good sword, so this– ooh, so this is (counting) 13 points of damage? MATT: That’s adding your wisdom modifier? TALIESIN: That’s adding my wisdom. MATT: That’ll do it. You shatter it with a strike. As it attempts to swing towards you with the axe, you duck out of the way, spin around, and backhand it with your right enchanted scimitar, watching the bones (boom) explode and scatter across the ground. Like so many pebbles being thrown across the floor. TALIESIN: With my off-hand, I’m going to take a swipe for the hyena over there. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Come on. There we go! 20 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. TRAVIS: It’s good to dispatch two in one turn. LAURA: Yes! TALIESIN: That’s nine points of damage. I would love to just kick that fucker right into the– MATT: Yeah, you do. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: It gets down and jumps to pounce towards you and you lean back and kick it and it tumbles down to the darkness below. You wish to move? TALIESIN: I’m going to move to the other side. I’m going to start running towards the stranger just to the left of– yeah, I’m going to move towards that cover right there. MATT: Here? TALIESIN: No, the other way. Towards me. Right there, yeah. MATT: Gotcha. That ends your go, Molly. That brings us to Jester. LAURA: Okay. Did I see the child go down? MATT: You would’ve, yes. LAURA: Okay. Then I am going to run over to the kid. SAM: You don’t have to. Just kill– the kid’s gonna live. LAURA: No, all these other people are helping this kid, so I guess I will too. Somebody better kill that big gnoll, though. SAM: Do you really care about the kid? LAURA: I don’t. SAM: Then don’t help. LAURA: I don’t care but now I feel guilty. MATT: Are you going to healer’s kit, Cure Wounds, what are you doing? LAURA: Should I use my last spell on this kid? SAM: Hells no! LAURA: I’m going to use a healer’s kit to stabilize him. MATT: You don’t have to make a check for that. You get down and start pulling heavy rolls of soft cotton fabric and various balms to help treat the wound, and help staunch the flow of blood and bind the child to the point where it’s no longer on death’s door. LAURA: The whole time I’m grumbling like: Oh I could have gotten that last Toll of the Dead! It would have heard a really good bell and instead I’m doing this! (laughter) MATT: Perfect, that ends Jester’s turn. Caleb, you’re up. SAM: Angry healing. LIAM: I cannot see anything except for Fjord, so if I move forward up to where he is, am I able to see any gnolls or any other kind of baddies where I am? MATT: Right there you can barely see the one across the way that’s on the ground getting up. LIAM: Then I’ll let my hand blacken and I will fire off a Fire Bolt at him from here. Which I’m sure will miss. Yeah it is. It misses. (laughter) TRAVIS: The call before it was clutch! LAURA: Oh no! LIAM: I turn to Fjord as it misses and say: Eh, yeah. (laughter) MATT: Okay! TALIESIN: We’ve got to get you glasses. LAURA: Oh my god, Caleb needs glasses! MATT: Caleb needs glasses. LIAM: I have them, they’re right here! MATT: That ends Caleb’s turn. LAURA: A new prescription! LIAM: I need an intelligence bump is what I need. Boomp! MATT: The gnoll’s been wounded. It is going to take a– LAURA: Glasses make you smarter. MATT: He’s going to take a longbow off its and looking over and seeing the Fire Bolt that almost struck it, it’s going to spin back towards you and pull and arrow. It’s going to take a shot at you from across the way, Caleb. LIAM: What do you mean? MATT: This one remaining wounded gnoll is going to take a shot at you with its longbow. Just checking real fast. LAURA: Your scarf will protect you! MATT: Yeah, sure! You’re well within its first range increment. LIAM: I have a very high AC. It’s okay. MATT: That’s a natural 20. MARISHA: Oh my god! MATT: However– SAM: However nothing. LIAM: Unload it, give it to me! MARISHA: He’s trying to find a positive. LIAM: No, don’t find a positive! MATT: Oh, that’s good actually! He rolled a one on the weapon die. It was a d8, it could have been a 16. Two plus two, four points of piercing damage. That could have been a lot worse! TRAVIS: That’s pretty bad for him, though. LIAM: No, actually that hurts an awful lot. MATT: The gnoll released the arrow. As it hits you in the stomach, it comes piercing out the other side, pinning your jacket to you torso. You feel like the pain and the warm pulse up your back from the wound. It’s almost numb at first and then you feel the shock hit you as the gnoll turns and runs this way. LAURA: Oh no! I should have Tolled the Dead on him. MATT: And he’s way over there. That’s going to ends the gnoll’s turn while you’re going Fjord. Because you’re going in the same round as this is happening, so you technically could intercept. TRAVIS: I’d like to get line of sight on him. I look back at Caleb with his failed attempts and say: Let me try mine. I’ll move my Hex over to him. MATT: The Hex is on him. TRAVIS: I’ll fire an Eldritch Blast in his direction. That is only a 16. MATT: A 16? 16 hits, actually. You needed a 15 to hit. TRAVIS: Four plus four, eight. Plus three points of necrotic for 11 damage. MATT: As it turns with its bow, Fjord runs around. Holding your sword out, another burst of eldritch energy smacks into the back of the gnoll. You hear (screeches) as it falls to the ground and slow bits of curling green and blue eldritch flame begin to burn and consume the corpse before eventually it goes out, leaving most of the body intact. Its back shoulder blades now a black cave where its body once was. LIAM: You ganked him at the last second? LAURA: Someone bring me those ears and bring them to my jar! MATT: That being the case, the combat has come to an end. LAURA: How many gnolls was that we just killed? TRAVIS: Three. LIAM: Well don’t we send a lot of them down the hole. We didn’t get their ears. So bad job. LAURA: We only sent one down the hole. TRAVIS: We got two ears. MATT: Correct. They’re sets of ears. There’s the one there and then the one that was killed there. LAURA: Right and then, one hyena set. KHARY: I appreciate you all counting ears, but can we deal with the kid for a minute? SAM: He needs some help! LAURA: Do you see what I’m doing? SAM: Who are you?! Ah! Who are you? KHARY: I like your smile. (laughter) KHARY: Who am I? My name is Shakäste. Nice to meet you. SAM: (swooning) He said Shakäste. KHARY: You can thank my bird for knowing what you look like, actually. LAURA: Oh, I saw your bird! KHARY: That’s not just some bird. That’s the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna. They call her Stacy, but that’s not her name. LAURA: (whispering) The Grand Duchess. KHARY: The Grand Duchess. She’s a sweetheart, but she’s angry. LIAM: It is very dark in here, what kind of bird is that you have? KHARY: Oh, that would be an abrahum. That’s a dark, midnight hummingbird. MARISHA: Hey, you’re a badass, what’s your deal? KHARY: Well, right now my deal it to deal with this little person over here. LIAM: Yes, handle this child, but then we’re very curious to ask a couple– I’ll shut up. LAURA: Can you heal? Do you have healing? Because I’m stabilizing him don’t worry, but– SAM: He doesn’t look good. KHARY: I think I can maybe do something about that. MATT: Perhaps. The child is wounded, but the child’s wounds have been tended to. He’s unconscious, but is no longer in immediate danger of dying. He’ll eventually need rest. LAURA: And some doughnuts. MATT: Perhaps some doughnuts. LAURA: I take one and push it onto his face. TRAVIS: No, no! Fresh doughnuts! You know do no harm, all that shit? SAM: Can you do anything to help this guy? KHARY: Well he seemed to be stabilized. I think the best thing we could do is to get him to safety. TRAVIS: I agree. What were you doing down here? We ourselves were comin’ down trying to rescue folks. KHARY: I tend to look over the people who happen to be around here. I come by every once in a while. I used to live and grew up in this place, or in the valley not too far from here. Probably just like you, I heard a commotion. I’ve taken a few of these people to safety. I’ve been trying to do it less overtly than some of you. TRAVIS: We do make a bit of a clatter. LAURA: We’re working on it. SAM: Insight check! [laughter] 11 plus, what am I adding? 13. MATT: 13. He’s generally pretty forthright in speech, charismatic figure, you don’t get any sense of any immediate lying or conflict to the words he’s saying. You’re also not getting a full read, either. SAM: How handsome is he? MATT: Quite handsome. If you’d like to describe how handsome you are. LIAM: Yeah, what do you look like? KHARY: I would say I’m an old– LAURA: On a scale from one to ten. KHARY: On a scale from one to ten, I would call him striking. SAM: Bachelorette finalist? [laughter] KHARY: You know what? I think he’s old enough that he’s gotten past all the bachelor-ing and the bachelorette-ing. LIAM: Are you a gray fox, is that what you are? KHARY: I would call him more of a shock of white. I mean, he’s a striking character. He’s got three dimples, one you can’t see. Two are pretty deep in his face and can be menacing, unless he’s smiling. LAURA: What are you wearing? KHARY: He’s covered in leather straps that are a tangle of brown and red and green that pretty much cover him from his neck to his calf where his boots start to take over. There’s a hood that he’s wearing, deep green. It goes down to his legs and a big enough hood that’s able to cover his ample locks. LIAM: Meanwhile everyone is talking to this stranger, I’m going to edge up to this hole in the ground and hold onto rocks because I’m scared to death. Look over and send my globules of light down there to see if it’s a deep hole, if it goes a long way, what am I looking at? MATT: As your lights begin to slowly drift down into the hole, they get about 50 or 60 feet down before you begin to see the bottom of the shaft. It looks to have been an intentionally created well-like hole that has since seen disuse. Currently ends into rocks and rubble. LAURA: It’s a poop hole! MATT: You see the broken body of a gnoll and the broken body of a hyena down at the bottom of it. LIAM: We have to get this gnoll out of the bottom of this hole because that’s gold. LAURA: He’s probably covered in really old poop. LIAM: It’s still good for the monetary value that was laid out for us, so maybe on the way out we could send– We have a rope we could lower you down and you could slice it off. SAM: Yeah, I could down there. LIAM: Not right now, save it for a rainy day. TRAVIS: Shakäste, my name is Fjord. We are, like I said, on a rescue mission. Are you familiar with these tunnels, at all? Have you been down here before? KHARY: Have I been down here before? MATT: The most you’ve been down was the opposite side of this tunnel here. There was a group up here where you had been working with previously, but only recently decided to delve deeper once you had made sure that those few were safe. KHARY: Right, right. Well, I’ve done a pretty good job of taking care of the other tentacle of this cavern, I guess you’d say. LAURA: Shaft. KHARY: Yes, the shaft. That’s a good way of putting it. That boom you may have heard happened to come from me, so we’ve got a little bit less to have to deal with. This, I really don’t know what’s going on. LAURA: Oh, speaking of, I stand up and I walk to the door where the little kid was pulled from. LIAM: Wait, Nott, do you want to let her take a look at it? In case it could blow up on you. SAM: I’ve seen their traps. I know their methods! LAURA: Are there any ropes across the door? SAM: Let me look! Are there? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: Five. Plus five is ten. MATT: Best you can tell, it doesn’t appear to be trapped. It does have a simple latch that is only accessible from the outer side, but it is not locked. LAURA: I knock on the door. Housekeeping! Is anybody locked in here? MATT: A moment passes. There’s no response, but you hear the faint sniffing and whimpering of somebody on the other side. LAURA: I think it’s the mom. SAM: Let’s open the door. LAURA: Okay. (turning noise) MATT: You lift the small latch and pull the door open. First it hits you, a strong smell of decay. You see the back of this room is filled with piles of bodies or parts of bodies. It looks to be maybe four people in total that have been placed here. Then there’s one living woman, in her mid-thirties or so, who is wearing a dirtied apron. She’s covered in dirt. A spatter of blood, you don’t know if it’s from her or not. Her hair is ratted. She looks to be human. She’s currently huddled with her knees to her chest and there’s tear streaks down her face. SAM: Is the, is the– Oh, sorry, go on. KHARY: Can I walk to her? MATT: Yeah. As you open the door you watch as Shakäste begins to approach and take the space. KHARY: I look her in the eye. I put my hand on her chin, so that she looks me in the eye, and I tell her, shh. What does that make her feel? MATT: You watch as there’s a brief moment of confusion, and then an expression of acknowledgement comes across her face. She reaches up and takes your hand. She goes, “Thank you. Thank you.” KHARY: We need to get her out of here. LAURA: Yes. Definitely. MARISHA: Holy shit, this guy’s good. TRAVIS: He is. Smooth operator. SAM: Can I ask the woman, is this your child? MATT: She turns around, and she goes, “Oh my god!” She runs over to him and immediately picks him up into her arms and begins to hold him. LAURA: He’s alive, don’t worry. MATT: (crying) “Thank you. Thank you.” She’s rocking the child in her arms, quietly rubbing his face and wiping a bit of blood off of his cheeks. LAURA: Are there any other people that are alive that you know of? MATT: “There are a few. I haven’t seen, but I’ve heard voices across the way, and they took a number deeper in, before they locked me in.” LAURA: Oh. Can we run over to the other door? TALIESIN: I was saying, if I’m not near the other door I’m going to start looking and unlatching it. Nonchalantly. MATT: You unlatch it. You watch as the mother, who’s currently running her fingers over the hair of the boy, says, “Jules, it’s okay. It’s okay, Jules.” She pulls him in. The other door, as you open it, a familiar sight. It looks like there’s three bodies in here. These bodies seem to be placed in here for some sort of storage, for the time being. There is one figure you can see, a man in his older years. Half-elven in appearance, his features are a little sharper, a little more elven, but not fully. His hair is dark-brown, black to gray, and salt and pepper on the sides. He looks as disheveled as the woman you just uncovered. LAURA: But he’s alive? MATT: He’s alive. TALIESIN: This is a personal question. Is there anyone alive in here right now? MATT: “I’m the only one.” TALIESIN: Oh! Well, we’ll take it. I’m swinging the door open and coming in. MATT: You get up, and you can see now, there’s a large claw gash across his midsection that might be infected. TALIESIN: If you wait a second, it’s only getting better. MATT: “Who are you?” TALIESIN: Oh, that is a question. We’re here to help. Come on out. LAURA: We’re the rescue party. MARISHA: Is there anyone else that you were with that’s no longer with us in there? MATT: “I mean–” He points back and says, “I don’t know most of these folks, I was just passing through. We were bringing some of our armor-wares up to Zadash when we were waylaid on the road. MARISHA: You didn’t get taken from Alfield? MATT: “Oh, we were taken on the way to Alfield. We were almost there. They hit us right as they were reaching the city. We had no chance.” TALIESIN: You got hit on the way to the city, not in the raid on the city? MATT: “We were just arriving in Alfield when it hit.” LAURA: Bad timing. MATT: “You’re telling me.” TALIESIN: Let’s get you out here, for a second. MATT: The woman has come up once again to– KHARY: I have a place for these people to go. It’s up on the surface. LAURA: They’re safe there? KHARY: They will be safe there. LAURA: Do you have a cart to get them back to Alfield? KHARY: Well, a cart was just the thing I was needing. What say we hang out? LAURA: All of us together, like a big party? KHARY: I’ve got nothing else to do. LAURA: I like it. TALIESIN: So many new friends lately. TRAVIS: I am concerned that there are more further on in these tunnels, but I think you’re right, we won’t be of any use to these people if we don’t get them to safety first. KHARY: Exactly. MARISHA: How far was that tunnel to the surface? We cleared out this side. KHARY: Have we lost our way from- or at least the way that I– MATT: That tunnel’s not operational. KHARY: That tunnel’s not operational. We’ve got two ways out here, I see. MATT: You have this way, which appears to go deeper into the mine. TRAVIS: Yeah, not that way, nope. MATT: This way, which backtracks where you guys come from. TRAVIS: That’s the one. TALIESIN: Do we need to escort them or can we send them up to the surface? LIAM: You know what we could do? If we want to check this cave for more people, is that we could bring them up to the cart and I could do that one spell that I have that would let me know down here if anything is happening up there– LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah. If the little bell goes off in my head then I know that either that something’s coming out– LAURA: The good bell, not the bad bell. LIAM: The good kind, ja. We would know, more or less, not 100 percent perfect, but pretty close. Then we could come back down here quickly, and see if there’s anyone else who needs help. MARISHA: How long is it going to take to hike back the way we came? MATT: Not too long, maybe 20 or so minutes back to the surface. MARISHA: Let’s do it. KHARY: That’s not bad. SAM: Are we going to leave some folks down here to– LAURA: No. SAM: What if they repopulate all of these rooms that we’ve already cleared? TRAVIS: We should move together. There’s no point in leaving just a few– TALIESIN: If you leave your alarm up here– LIAM: Well, I was thinking about getting them to safety outside. If anything leaves the mine, we’ll know it was them. TALIESIN: That’s fair then, yeah. That’s a good plan. LAURA: Let’s do it. SAM: I don’t like this plan at all. What if someone– What if one of the gnolls wanders into this room and sees five of his dead brothers? LAURA: Let’s throw them down the hole! TALIESIN: We start kicking them right up to the edge, kicking them right in the hole. MATT: One after another, you take the remainders of the previous battle and roll them into the hole in the center. KHARY: Good call. LAURA: Now they all look like they just left and had some– SAM: There’s a whole other room with dead bodies in it that we also caused, and also ball bearings. TALIESIN: Oh, people die all the time. LAURA: You know, sometimes accidents happen. TRAVIS: We’ll be coming right back down. We just need to get them to safety. LIAM: You know, people don’t bare balls all the time, but I think it’s a reasonable risk at this point in time. TRAVIS: Plus, we could take a short rest up top while we’re getting them folks to safety. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: I like this plan. SAM: Are there any other boxes or things to search down here before we get out? MATT: You can search if you want to. LAURA: Yeah, let’s search around. MARISHA: Oh my God. I crack boxes like fucking Zelda. TRAVIS: Quietly, maybe? MARISHA: Quiet, sorry. LAURA: How many dead bodies do you think I could carry? MATT: You could drag two. TALIESIN: I’ll take a couple as well. MATT: Because you’re pretty strong, you could drag two bodies. LAURA: I’m going to try to drag some of the dead out– MATT: Everybody else can take one each, I think, based on your strengths. You can take none. KHARY: Yeah, my dragging days are over. TALIESIN: We’re going to look around, see if there’s anything of interest. MATT: All right, so two of you can make investigation checks on this one. LIAM: I will help you look because I have an eye– LAURA: You need glasses though. LIAM: No, I have very– trust me, I mean I could roll for shit but– MARISHA: He’s nearsighted. LAURA: Oh nearsighted, I understand. LIAM: That’s okay. MARISHA: But you have advantage. LIAM: Do I have advantage? MARISHA: Because he’s assisting you. MATT: If he’s assisting you, yeah. LIAM: That’s a little better. Oh, yeah, it’s good. That’s 15. You know, for level three. Fünfzehn. TRAVIS: (chanting) Level three. Level three. MATT: In a quick glance through, a lot of it appears to be pickaxes, shovels. Most in here seems to be tools and anything of worth has been ravaged or taken. You find a few bits of rotted meat of indeterminate origin, that you immediately shrink away from. LIAM: No, actually, I’m going to scoop up some of those pieces of rotted meat and put them in my pockets. MATT: Okay. There you go. LIAM: You can’t smell it. SAM: No, it smells good to me! TRAVIS: Could be good bait later. LIAM: That’s why I’m taking it. SAM: Any baubles or little doodads? MATT: Nothing in this chamber, unfortunately. This one has either been picked clean or didn’t contain anything of immediate worth in the process. SAM: Oh, I don’t care about worth. MATT: I mean, there are plenty of bodies you could rummage through if you wanted to, but. LAURA: As we’re walking them, Nott’s going through the pockets. KHARY: Anything explosive? MATT: You can make an investigation check, if you’d like. KHARY: All right. How would I do that? MATT: Roll a d20 and add your investigation skill bonus. LIAM: It’s there by– good roll. KHARY: Plus one. LIAM: Yeah, 15 for him. MATT: 15 as well. All right, so. Not in this chamber in particular, but as you guys are going through the other tunnel, you glance over in one of the overturned boxes and you find another familiar object, one of which you had used previously. Another singular stick with a long explosive wick on the end. You have another piece with you. KHARY: Gingerly, I take it up. SAM: Gently! You should be careful with that. Those can make big booms. KHARY: This ain’t my first rodeo, baby. Thank you. SAM: (flustered noise) MATT: As he says that and turns, you watch as the small black hummingbird perches on his shoulder as he continues to walk. SAM: He’s got a Frumpkin too! LAURA: I’m dragging the bodies going, Duchess! Duchess Stacy, please come over to me! Duchess Stacy! KHARY: Grand Duchess. LAURA: Grand Duchess Stacy! TRAVIS: We make our way back up to the top. MATT: I’ll have you all– You can’t make stealth checks. You’re dragging bodies. Who’s carrying; how many bodies are you bringing back? TALIESIN, TRAVIS, LIAM, MARISHA, and MATT: One. LAURA: Two. MATT: That’s four, five, six, seven. SAM: I will go ahead of the party to run point. MATT: Make a perception check for me. SAM: 11. MATT: Okay. You guys carefully make your way back up through, trying not to drag the bodies over heavy bumps or rocks, eventually making your way out of the main entrance way. You notice a trap that you had deftly avoided multiple times getting people in and out, of a large tree trunk that had been suspended in the roof to swing down when triggered, had been triggered and is now hanging there. Apparently somebody made an unfortunate mistake making their way through. You all eventually find your way out into the daylight once more. The woman, who’s now introduced herself as Herma, and the older half-elf man, Petrov, all step out into the light, blinking, bleary in the sudden influx of light. As soon as you make it into the open sky, you can see this breath of relief wash over both of them, and the young boy is now starting to come to consciousness again. Goes, “Mom?” She goes, “Shh! It’s okay; it’s okay.” She looks up over towards Shakäste, and has more tears in her eyes, and goes, “Thank you.” SAM: I helped too! LAURA: I stabilized him. I stabilized him real good. MATT: “Thank you all so much.” You lead them over through the hills here, that cluster around where this mine once was, around the corner there appears to be a shed that’s been long abandoned and locked up. As you approach, you have been here previously. KHARY: I take my reed stick and rap on the door. MATT: “Is that you?” KHARY: Shh. MATT: The door opens and there you can see emerging four survivors, also from Alfield that, with bright eyes, welcome the arrival of this strange traveler, as well as the three other survivors you’ve brought in. As some of them begin to reunite with people that are familiar to them, people who live in Alfield and know each other, they begin to hold each other and take a moment to relish in this renewed moment of life. Then they begin to pour over the bodies that have been recovered, and they begin to identify them to each other, and then sadness takes over. Then once those waves have passed, individuals begin to go up and thank you, and take your hand, and a few of them are like, “Anything I can give you, please, just let me know. Thank you so much.” It’s a lot, to have at once, and for many of you an experience that is different and new. Take it as you will, however you wish to, but you also know time is of the essence, and not too much time can be spent on this. LIAM: I would say that I did not partake in any of that. As soon as we exited efficiently, I pulled out the silver thread and I’m already doing my thing while they do that. KHARY: I would say, to the people inside: Stay safe, stay here. I look at everyone else and say: this isn’t over. MARISHA and KHARY: Let’s go. LIAM and MARISHA: Let’s go. TRAVIS: That’s a badass motherfucker, I’m just saying. MARISHA: Yeah. I’m so about it. He’s so cool. TRAVIS: I know. Number one fan club. LIAM: I guess we do not need a perception check. MATT: All the bodies are placed in a small pile and a large heavy piece of canvas material is placed over them to hide them. The shed is closed and locked, and they all seem to feel, at least for the moment, comfort and safety in this space, as you all begin to delve once more into the mines beneath the hills. I would like you all to make a stealth check, please, as you progress further in. LIAM: Oh good. That’s my specialty. LAURA: Ooh, I could give someone a blessing, who’s shitty at this? Blessing! LIAM: Thank you. Ugh. TRAVIS: Ugh. KHARY: What am I doing? TRAVIS: 15. SAM and LAURA: Roll a 20. KHARY: Roll the 20. MARISHA: 25. LIAM: Eight. LAURA: With advantage?! LIAM: Ja. LAURA: Fuck. LIAM: You brought me from a four to a seven. LAURA: Oh, Jesus. KHARY: 17. SAM: 13. LAURA and TALIESIN: 18. MATT: Universally, you guys are all confident in your ability to delve without being seen, even making up for those who maybe not have been a less bumbling experience making their way in. LIAM: I stubbed my toe! MARISHA: Shh! (laughter) TALIESIN: Learn how to see in the bloody dark! KHARY: You’ve got light, boy, you’ll be fine. MATT: You make your way back through the familiar tunnel, and you can now see that the right tunnel, the one that you had previously seen the pitfall and decided to not head down into, is now a large cluster of rock and rubble. LAURA: Oh, that’s where you came from? KHARY: Mm. MATT: You progress down through the ritual area, carefully avoiding a scattering of metallic ball bearings across the floor. You see an altar with candles on it that have all burned down entirely, except for a few tiny flickers. Is there any light source you guys are bringing down here with you? LIAM: (spell effect) MATT: All right, the balls of light now float as you progress, giving everyone who needs it sight. You head down into the familiar chamber where this last fray occurred, carefully avoiding the large hole in the ground. This is the only other exit from this chamber. You continue forward. Who’s taking point, and what is the marching order, please? LAURA: Keep checking for traps, okay? SAM: All right, that’s a good idea. KHARY: Can I send the Grand Duchess? MATT: You may. TALIESIN: I’m not getting over that. LAURA: Oh, the Grand Duchess and Frumpkin will be best of friends. MARISHA: Do they like each other? LIAM: Frumpkin was obliterated. KHARY: –stay away from my bird. LIAM: You know, it’s funny, because only about 30 minutes ago I also had a bird, but he was obliterated. MARISHA: Oh, that’s right. LIAM: It was very sad. I’ll bring him back tomorrow. KHARY: Thanks for that. (laughter) LIAM: He and I, we are like that. TRAVIS: It’s going on, it’s going. SAM: He’s very charming. LAURA: I feel like we’re seeing more of Caleb’s social awkwardness, seeing him from the outside, it’s so good. TALIESIN: It’s everything I could’ve wanted. MATT: As you take a moment to continue focusing, as you do, through the vision of your bird, (hovering hum) coasts down through the tunnel before you to keep an eye out. Make a perception check for your bird, please. Roll a d20, and add two to it. KHARY: 17. MATT: 17, nice. The bird’s perception, not his. MATT: That’s great. The tunnel descends at a moderate grade for about 80 to 100 feet before it levels off once more. Ahead, you see a set of rough stairs that rise for about five or six feet, leading to the remainder of the tunnel, and then curving to the left suddenly out of sight, slightly along this elevation. Right there, you have your bird (hovering hum), and right as the stairs ascend and turn immediately, there is the outer corner of a gnoll stands there waiting, keeping watch. (gnoll murmurs) Do you want to send your bird in further to check out the rest of the room or pull it back? KHARY: She’s quick. MATT: She’s pretty quick. KHARY: I say move on. MATT: All right. (hovering hum) Okay. LAURA: It’s really smart that he made a hummingbird. That’s really fast. TALIESIN: It’s really clever. LAURA: It’s a pretty smart move, don’t you think? LIAM: It’s not a cat. SAM: One that can see in the dark. LAURA: Yeah. I mean, it’s really smart. MATT: As the Duchess moves further and up to the platform, the Duchess can see another portion of the floor that is collapsed inward into another falling pit that rests against the wall on the opposite side of where these stairs ascend. The tunnel curves to the left immediately, where this hole is on the top, and where it continues down there appears to be a large archway where there was once a set of double doors. The doors have been broken off the hinges and are not visible at current sight, but to each side of the frame, you can see two skeletal gnolls with bits of flesh and skin hanging off their bones and rib cage and snout, sitting there like silent undead sentinels looking around. KHARY: Thank you so much. Come back to me, dear. MATT: (hovering hum) Charging back to the tunnel, back to your shoulder. KHARY: We have a friend about a hundred feet away. He’s by himself, but yeah, there’s just the one. Beyond him, there is more to deal with. I think we quietly take care of this gentleman first, and then we move on. LAURA: Did you see any survivors? KHARY: Not yet, but there are two sentinels and they are guarding something. I’m hoping that’s someone. TRAVIS: Perhaps we can create a little bit of a lure to bring back that single fellow closer to us and we dispatch him quietly. KHARY: It’s not a bad idea. MARISHA: I reached into the ball bearings that I have left since I have about half. I take one and go– (ball bearing bouncing) MATT: Down along to the grade? (ball bearing bouncing) Eventually, you can no longer hear any noise the ball bearing makes as it continues out of your earshot. LIAM: I’m also going with the Dancing Lights. They’re not leading the way. The closest one is actually ten feet behind us like a choo-choo train back behind the group so that it’s dim light 20 to 30 feet ahead of us. MATT: Okay. A minute passes. Two minutes. You don’t see any indication that anything noticed or heard. MARISHA: Ah, shit! He’s stupid! LAURA: Maybe he’s sleeping. TRAVIS: Who’s real good at dispatching them quiet? MARISHA: Nott, do you want to? SAM: Don’t make me do this again. TRAVIS: I tell you what, if you summon some courage, I’ll come with you. SAM: All right. KHARY: Could I give her some guidance? MATT: You may if you are going to try to stealth it. SAM: Sure, what does that mean? LIAM: Just give you a little bit of boost, you know. KHARY: I got a really good feeling about what you’re about to do. SAM: Uh-huh. KHARY: Like a really good feeling. Like the kind of feeling that will put a big smile on your face, you know, take you back home, make you feel like there’s a big– SAM: I’m not interested in a relationship right now. KHARY: Well, this isn’t working at all. LAURA: Offer her shiny things. KHARY: Ah, you know what? You know the way this is turning out, I feel like you can get all kinds of gold and silver. SAM: Oh, yes! Pretty things. Sure, yes! KHARY: Exactly. SAM: Yes, absolutely. Give me something. KHARY: Oh well, it’s waiting for you just down the hall. All you got to do is take care of a creature quietly and quickly. SAM: I feel inspired. MATT: All right, so make your stealth check and add a d4 to whatever you roll. LAURA: Then I give you a Blessing of the Trickster for your stealth. TRAVIS: What does that do? LAURA: You get advantage, Fjord. TRAVIS: That’s good. TRAVIS: Oh god. MARISHA: Did you roll the same thing? TRAVIS: No, but not much better. Eight. LIAM: Oh, low rolls at both? TRAVIS: No. TALIESIN: Plus a d4. SAM: 18. MATT: Plus the d4? SAM: Oh no, d4. Sorry, not a four, but d4. MATT: Not good. SAM: 17. MATT: 17. Okay. It’s just Nott? You’re going as well? SAM: He’s going too. MATT: The two of you begin to make your way down the hall carefully, ever so carefully, about 60 or 70 feet towards the bottom where you can both see the grade begin to turn up. Fjord, you discover why you stopped hearing the ball bearing, as suddenly you take a step and your foot slides up from under you. MARISHA: Oh, shit. MATT: You try and catch yourself and you manage to do so, but you dislodge a rock that begins making more noise than the ball bearing did. At which point you hear (growls and howl) SAM: Does it see us? MATT: It’s down below the grade and out of sight. It’s just the rock that began to make its way down. TRAVIS: I screwed the pooch. I think y'all need to fucking join us. MARISHA: Come back. LAURA: We can’t hear you, you’re fucking 60 feet ahead of us. TRAVIS: It was a really loud stage whisper. (laughter) TRAVIS: (echoing) -sper, -sper, -sper. (laughter) SAM: I will tell them, all right? I’ll point back to them and I will bring out my little piece of fabric. Wait. No, it’s a piece of wire and whisper into it and send a Message to Caleb that: We’ve been made. Start making your way down here. (laughter) LIAM: Oh, verdammt. It didn’t work, we’re in trouble, they are coming. I think they’re coming. LAURA: Should we go down the tunnel? LIAM: Come back to us please. LAURA: Or should we go to them? LIAM: I already sent the message. MATT: Okay. So! SAM: Are we sticking? TRAVIS: What did he say? SAM: He said “Come back to us.” I feel like we’re already here, we should just– oh gods. What do we do? TRAVIS: I’m with you. SAM: What does that mean? (laughter) TRAVIS: Let’s take them on. I feel like I’ve never felt. You and me, let’s take them. SAM: Why are you big men making these weird speeches to me?! (laughter) SAM: All right, sure, I feel inspired again. I’ll take a swig. MATT: You do take a heavy swig off of your flask, thank you. Both wait carefully holding your action until underneath you can see what emerges below the lowest part of the curving tunnel roof, a gnoll snout begins to protrude past. You can see the arrow already nocked in the longbow as it turns down and turns and glances up the tunnel to meet your guys’ vision. TRAVIS: As soon as he fires, I will as well. SAM: I will fire, my hand– how far? MATT: Right now he’s about 30 feet below you. SAM: Yeah. I can make that shot. (ping!) (laughter) MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack. TALIESIN: Oh dear. SAM: Ten. TRAVIS: Oh, me? MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: 15. MATT: Just hits. Misses. MARISHA: 15 is the magic number. TRAVIS: Can I say my bonus I move my Hex over to him? MATT: At this point, your Hex has faded. TRAVIS: Fair enough. MATT: Since you guys hadn’t left before. TRAVIS: I tried it. 20 up, 20 down that side. MATT: Yeah, had you guys taken a short rest when you were up there or not? MARISHA: I was hoping so. TRAVIS: Oh, we did say we were going to. LAURA: Then it would add another hour up there, wouldn’t it? MATT: It would. It’s up to you guys. It may or may not affect things. LAURA: I don’t really get anything back on short rest. TRAVIS: I do. MARISHA: I would get my ki point back. LIAM: I would get a spell back, yeah. TRAVIS: I think we should. We rescued the survivors, we gave them a little moment to grieve. LAURA: I mean there might be more survivors. TRAVIS: I know but– LAURA: We rescued some survivors. TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: We say ja? TRAVIS: Yes. LIAM: Ja. LAURA: We took a rest. MATT: All right, so before we jump into this, we’ll say you took the short rest, which is an hour, so you guys can use your hit dice. You hadn’t taken any damage, Shakäste, so you don’t have to worry about it. KHARY: No but I was just thinking about– because I did use the Thunderwave. MATT: That does not come back on a short rest. KHARY: That does not come back, okay. MATT: Yeah, it’s a long rest for you. (background music) MARISHA: Jesus, shitty rolls. SAM: Is there a way to track the hit dice in (singing) D&D Beyond? MATT: Yes, under hit points. TRAVIS: Yeah. You hit short rest and it will pop up the number of hit dice you have. MATT: It’s under the short rest. LAURA: Yeah, under short rest, not hit– SAM: Yeah, okay. MATT: All righty, so, with that the case, you’ve taken a short rest. Now back to the current moment. You both fired. You missed, you succeeded to hit, go ahead and roll your damage on that. TRAVIS: Thank you. 1d10 plus four. That is a ten plus four, 14. MATT: 14 points of damage, all righty. As it looks up and gets hit in the snout and it looks back up and you can see the black, charred exterior of its head, one of its eyes is now ruined and he (growls). Its tongue is dangling out. You can see blood and slobber across the front of its chest as it looks up and gets ready to release its bow strike at you since you made the hit. That’s going to be a 23 to hit. TRAVIS: Oh that definitely hits. MATT: Natural 18. That’s an eight on the die, that is ten points of piercing damage to you. TRAVIS: Damn. MARISHA, TRAVIS and LIAM: (singing) Damn, damn, damn. TALIESIN: I was watching this, I was going to head down this direction anyway. MATT: Right, at this point you guys have now begun to head down, yeah. MATT: You guys head down, it’s going to take the better part of the turn to get to where they are, unfortunately, because you guys were waiting at the very top. As soon as you see the lights go off suddenly and the impact of the spell from him and hear the snarling in the distance, you guys begin to make a full beeline and it takes you the full dash and movement to even get beside your allies. You guys get another round as well as the gnoll, so go ahead and make your attacks. SAM: All right. LAURA: You can do it. SAM: I can do it. TRAVIS: Here we go. SAM: Sure, 18 to hit. MATT: 18 hits. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: Hits. Roll damage. No sneak attack, unfortunately. SAM: Five. MATT: All right. Damage on you. TRAVIS: On my bonus action, I’ll cast Hex as well. That’s five points of necrotic. KHARY: Is my Guidance still helping at all? MATT: The Guidance only helps for the next six seconds, so it helped him with the stealth check originally. You can do it whenever you want to as an action. TRAVIS: Eight points of damage, five necrotic for 13 total. MATT: As the gnoll pulling back its arrows, about to give out a large bellowing cry, makes a large inhale as it pulls back a second arrow and then both of you slam into it and watch as it falls to the ground, dropping its weapons that clatter against the stonework. It’s not longer moving as you guys catch up. LAURA: I go running past them right as they do it and cut its ears off. TALIESIN: I’m opening up the jar. There you are. LAURA: Thank you. TRAVIS: Pull it back into the tunnel! LAURA: Oh okay. I do that. MATT: Okay. You drag it back in, while you’re down you make perception checks, please. TALIESIN: Both of us? SAM: Her forearms are amazing. MATT: If you’re helping yeah, both of you. MARISHA: They’re bats, just baseball bats with arms. LAURA: 15. TALIESIN: 13. MATT: As you rush down and grab the body, you glance up and whereas previously he described there was the singular gnoll and the two other skeletal ones in the opposite side, it appears that since it was given some indication of nearby sounds and it made that brief call before it began to approach, there are a few more gnolls that have appeared at the top of the platform above where the stairs crest. LAURA: Do they see us? MATT: No, they do not at the moment, but only because they’re not looking at your direction. As soon as you see it you immediately drag the body out of the way. I would like you both make a stealth check to try to quietly drag the body back. LAURA: 16. TALIESIN: 20. MATT: You both don’t drag it, you both grab an arm and a leg and very painfully lift it up without making any sound and pull it out of range up the grade out of view as you watch one of the gnolls turns its face in your direction barely passing seeing you guys yank it out of sight. LAURA: (whispering) There’s a lot more guys out there. MARISHA: (whispering) How many? MATT: You saw three visually appear. LAURA: I saw three visually. TRAVIS: Fucking Beau and her ball bearings. SAM: Why did you drop a ball bearing down there? MATT: To give you perspective on this, because it looks like we’re going on that direction. (cheering) LAURA: Oh god this means that– MARISHA: It’s like a motion simulator ride. Whoa! TALIESIN: Fun fact, Matt’s house is actually made of Dwarven Forge. MARISHA: It’s true. TALIESIN: Every wall, the kitchen. LAURA: That would be amazing. TALIESIN: It’s just Dwarven Forge all the way through. MARISHA: No, I don’t know. LIAM: You haven’t lived until you’ve slept on Dwarven Forge. MATT: You now see. MARISHA: Or our bed’s not on braziers, no. LAURA and LIAM: Critical Role, Critical Role. LIAM: Oh god, we’ve got to stop. TALIESIN: I know, this has to end. MATT: This leads into the grade that head up in an angle here where you guys originally shot the gnoll and dragged him out of the way. LIAM: We are down that way? MATT: You guys are over– LIAM: Over this way? MATT: You’re up in the tunnel here. It angles down there and this is where– LAURA: Oh no. They’re coming. (whispering) They were about to look in this direction, but they weren’t quite looking in that direction when we dragged the body out. MARISHA: (whispering) Okay. KHARY: They’re not exactly– MATT: They haven’t noticed anything yet. You guys are up in this way, and this is the layout here. LAURA: Fjord, what do we do? SAM: Don’t do anything yet. We have to figure out what we’re doing. KHARY: Well, I’m meaning simply as a strategy. Should we use something to distract them? Since they’re already not looking our way, so that we could get a few shots at their back. LAURA: Can you send the Grand Duchess in? KHARY: I absolutely will. Can we start there? MATT: You may. Yeah. KHARY: Let’s do that. Find a safe perch, my dear. MATT: The Grand Duchess makes her way down to the tunnel up. Let’s see if they see her. SAM: Is she really royalty? KHARY: That’s what she told me. LAURA: Did she used to be a person and you shrunk her down? KHARY: No, she is who she is, baby. Just like you. MATT: She passes them over. There is one perch up on the side of the wall right above where this large pit is on the opposite end. She perches right over the side as two of the gnolls are still (growls). One of them begins to look over the table and underneath for any possible source of the noise earlier. One of them glances over his shoulder as the Duchess enters, begins to pull an arrow out of the quiver. KHARY: Come back here, baby. MATT: (bird noise). (growl). KHARY: Thaumaturgy. SAM: Oh no! It’s on! MARISHA: Do it. KHARY: Thaumaturgy. I’m sorry. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus action just before this happens and I’m going to activate the second sword. MATT: Okay, you reduce your max hit points. TRAVIS: I roll to maintain concentration because he hit me after I cast Hex. MATT: Yes, please. Constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Oh no. Yeah, that’s a six. MATT: Six, no, that’s a failure. You lose Hex, sorry buddy. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: Got to be honest with him. KHARY: Thaumaturgy. Can I brighten the room? How dark is it in here? MATT: It’s pitch black aside from the globes of light that he has. There’s nothing to make brighter in there. LIAM: It’s bright behind us, not in front of us so much. KHARY: Let’s see, then, if it’s– LAURA: You can shake the ground, though. KHARY: Yes, let’s shake the ground so however well he thinks he can aim takes him off kilter. MATT: For that instance, make a standard wisdom check for me. Roll a d20 and add your wisdom modifier which I think is– LIAM: Oh, that’s a 19 natural roll. MATT: As you feel the Duchess return to you and just past the vision as the Duchess passes over you hear the sound of the fingers gliding across the bowstring. You hear the creak of the wood as it’s pulled back. You know exactly what that sound means as you see through the Duchess’s eyes. You focus on the ground below and cause it to quake somewhat. Rolled a natural five plus four, with that shaking it causes the– it’s very localized in the area, the gnoll (yip) as it does, it releases the arrow and it whips past and shatters across the rock. The Duchess returns to your shoulder. KHARY: Well, now I’m pissed. SAM: Do they know we’re here now? LAURA: He saw the bird come back this way so maybe– LIAM and SAM: It’s just a bird. LIAM: He might have even thought it was a bat. SAM: Should we all turn into birds and confuse him? LAURA: Do you know how to do that? SAM and LAURA: I could try. KHARY: Let’s try later. Why don’t we do things we’ve done before? (laughter) MATT: What are you guys doing? MARISHA: Are we doing this? LAURA: Let’s fucking go. SAM: We’re going to go in or– this doesn’t seem very smart! I don’t know. LAURA: I rub her head and give her a little blessing. Don’t you worry. You keep hiding whenever you need it. SAM: What is this blessing? LAURA: It gives you advantage on stealth checks. SAM: Oh, okay. Thank you. MATT: If this is the case, what are you guys doing? MARISHA: Do we get a surprise round? SAM: No, they know we’re here. KHARY: No, they don’t know we’re here. MARISHA: Or an earthquake. We’re in a shaft! Things shake a lot. MATT: They’re aware of something in the vicinity. The first gnoll announced there was something fishy. They don’t know what it is or where you are, but they’re on guard. LIAM: Surprised is like a condition. Like poison, but they know something is– LAURA: Not surprised. KHARY: If I used Sacred Flame on one– because if it’s dark in there and one of them burst into flames wouldn’t they all look in that direction? MATT: It’s possible. KHARY: Let’s try that. LAURA: I could Sacred Flame him in the exact same time. TRAVIS: While we’re waiting, can I cast Armor of Agathys on myself? MATT: You may. KHARY: I like this. TRAVIS: (hissing sound) I pull the moisture out of the air and it forms frost all over me. MARISHA: It’s got a little moss on it from the cave? MATT: As you have this conversation you turn back and you watch as Fjord, the rather handsome looking half-orc, finishes muttering something under his breath and the shadows coalesce into this dark, cold, icy armor that shatter into bits of shards around the exterior of his leather armor. You watch as this mist rises off of it. TRAVIS: Everybody chill. LIAM: No, you ruined it! It was so good! MARISHA: It wasn’t cool when Arnold said it. TRAVIS: Wait, everybody. Be cool. (laughter) SAM: Stay frosty? Stay frosty. LAURA: I pull my sickle out so I’m prepared for actual up-front combat. TALIESIN: I’ve got both of those sticks going. I’m ready for this. MATT: This guy’s moved forward to here. This guy’s moved forward to there. They’re in the process of searching the area, looking down the tunnel. LAURA: Which one do you want to hit? The orange one, the gray one, or the black one? KHARY: Did we see those other ones over there? MATT: You saw them, the skeletal ones there. KHARY: That’s what I thought. I thought my baby saw them. I say, I think we need to get those fellows to turn back and look at those fellows. LAURA: We can’t see those guys to Sacred Flame them. KHARY: I can’t see them anymore? MATT: You guys are up in this tower right now, so you’d have to send Duchess back in to see. KHARY: Isn’t that always the way? LAURA: We could get the one in the back, and then the other two might look at him. KHARY: I think that’s a great idea, darling. LAURA: Let’s do it. LIAM: Can I say, I change my mind every five minutes about whether this group was a good idea or a terrible idea, and I’m listening to these chuckleheads talk to each other, and I’m waiting to cast Blur on myself when it looks like everybody’s going to do something, but I’m waiting until the last minute. LAURA: I knew it was Blur! LIAM: Good for you. You get a doughnut. KHARY: Sacred Flame, on the gentleman in blue. LAURA: At the same time I see his little reed flick, I’m going to swirl my sickle around and cast Toll the Dead. MATT: All right, on this guy there? LAURA and KHARY: Yeah. MATT: As you guys slowly bring your way to the base– which in order to get you in the space where you can see them, that would put both of you rushing right down to the base in that area. If I can get a marching order to where the rest of you are, by the way. LIAM: Hey, I’ll be in the back. MARISHA: I’ll take the front. TALIESIN: Let’s take a line of the three of us, at least. TRAVIS: Yep. I’m good with that. MATT: You guys rush forward to take the line as they– TRAVIS and MARISHA: Linemen. SAM: I’ll be back with Caleb. MARISHA: Yeah. I knew what that meant. TRAVIS: You going to be a guard or a tackle? MARISHA: Oh. Tackle. I’m probably a guard. MATT: As you all rush in below, you both release Sacred Flame and Toll the Dead on the guy in the blue. That’s a wisdom saving throw for Sacred Flame, I believe it is? LAURA: It’s a dex save for Sacred Flame and a wisdom save for Toll the Dead. MATT: That’s right. A wisdom save for you, that’s a 13? LAURA: 13. MATT: Yeah, it succeeds. Sorry. For you, it’s 13 as well for your DC. That is a five. LAURA: You couldn’t have them roll that for me? MATT: Sorry. (laughter) SAM: It’s Crystal Pepsi. LAURA: I really love Crystal Pepsi. TALIESIN: Original run. MATT: Roll damage for the Sacred Flame, which should be– What’s the damage on the spell? KHARY: The damage on the Sacred Flame is– The spell’s damage increases by 1d8 when you– MATT: Yeah, so it’s 1d8. Go ahead and roll 1d8 radiant damage. KHARY: 1d8 is this thing? KHARY: One. LAURA: Ugh. That’s okay. It was for visual anyway. KHARY: It was. That’s true. I would have wanted the– MATT: You watch the light burst in. LIAM: I’ve pulled the ripcord on Blur if they’re doing that. MATT: You cast Blur. That all happens in a quick instant as they rushed forward and you guys caught up. Now we’re rolling initiative. MARISHA: Fuck yeah. TRAVIS: Let’s get this one right. MARISHA: Son of a fuck! LIAM: There is a vision of me before me and also behind me, flickering in and out of view. MATT: 25 to 20. 25 to 20 anybody? KHARY: 20. TALIESIN: A real initiative roll. That’s something. MATT: All right. 20 to 15? SAM: Nobody got 20 to 15? TRAVIS: Can I call you Shaq? MATT: 15 to ten? KHARY: No. TALIESIN: 13. LAURA: Ten. SAM: 11. TRAVIS: Molly, Nott, and Jester? MATT: Jester, you got ten? LAURA: I got ten. SAM: Ten to 15. Ooh, boy. TALIESIN: Wow, really? MATT: Ten to five? LIAM: Siebzehn. MARISHA: Eight. TRAVIS: Caleb’s before Beau? MARISHA: What’s zip– seven? LIAM: Siebzehn is seven. MARISHA: No, I am. MATT: Beau, what did you get? MARISHA: I rolled a nine. MARISHA: Five plus four. Nein. TRAVIS: I rolled a three. LAURA: Oh, Fjord. MATT: As the gnolls are all clumping together, preparing for your onslaught right at the edge of the hole with the furniture on the opposite side there, the two skeletal gnolls who are getting ready to rush into the fray. Top of the round is Shakäste. KHARY: Let’s see. Frostbite. MATT: Okay. Against which one? KHARY: Let’s see. Oh, wait, first of all, they burst into flames, this gentleman burst into flames, and when that happened, what did these gentlemen– how did these gentlemen react? MATT: The two other gnolls glance over at the side, and then look towards the tunnel where you guys were. It didn’t seem like it was much of a distraction for them, unfortunately, in the moment. LAURA: Right as we all ran in at the same time. MATT: Unfortunately, it wasn’t a sourceless cluster as you guys all made your way to the base. KHARY: All right then, I say the one closest to us, I will hit with Frostbite. MATT: All right. Would that be that one there? KHARY: That would be that fellow. MATT: All right, go for it. Frostbite he has to roll against your DC, so I roll it for you. That is a natural one, so go ahead and roll damage on that. KHARY: All right. That is the diamond? MATT: It should be, is that a d8 for that one as well? KHARY: Yeah. Wait, by 1d6. MATT: Okay, so it would be d6. I’m pretty sure it’s a d6 for the cantrip. KHARY: 1d6? Is that this one? LIAM: That is that one, yeah. The cube is a six. Hey, a three. MATT: Three points of cold damage to him, and he has disadvantage on his next attack roll. Suddenly, a similar cold to what you saw coalesced around the armor of Fjord, this time it’s attacking and freezing inward, and you watch as the gnoll (gnoll pain sounds). It’s shaking briefly, you watch as its muscles are beginning to slow down and become sluggish. Do you want to move, or do you want to stay where you’re put? KHARY: Let’s see. Actually, I feel pretty good right behind these fellows. MATT: All right, so you stay there. That ends your turn. The gnolls will now go. The three of them are going to begin to back away, and they’re all going to take strikes with their bow. SAM: Ranged attackers. MATT: They all pull out their arrows, and each are going to make a strike. The one you frostbit is going to attack you, it has disadvantage. SAM: Guys, let’s all cluster up at the bottom of the stairs. MARISHA: Sounds great. Yeah. MATT: It was a three and a two, with disadvantage, so no, it misses you entirely. It actually gets partially caught in the ‘fro, and makes its way to the back. KHARY: Oh man, I’ve got beads in that thing, baby. Got to be careful. MATT: Missed them all, thankfully. The next attack in the front is going to be against Beau, and then one’s going to be against Molly, since you guys are the most visually impressive of the front row color-wise. You blend into the surroundings a little bit comparatively, so against Molly– Man, they cannot roll, that is a six. TALIESIN: I slice it, catch it in the spin. MATT: (grinding sound) Just grinding toothpicks. The one versus you, Beau, that is a 14. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Dodge out of the way. SAM: Devil sticks? KHARY: I think that’s what they– yeah. I seem to remember them being– MATT: All right, Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. I’m going to hop up and move to the left. I’m not even going to use the real stairs, I’m going to get to the side up on that barrel over there. MATT: There? TALIESIN: Yeah, and use Vicious Mockery on the one closest to us. MATT: That’s a 15 on the saving throw. TALIESIN: So he’s fine. MATT: So he’s fine, unfortunately. TALIESIN: (devilish voice) Ack! Fuck! Can’t finish it! (laughter) TRAVIS: Talk tough. MATT: You can keep using your movement if you want or you can stay put. TALIESIN: I’m going to get to the– No, I’m going to stay back because I’m a little– yeah, I’m going to let other people come up first. MATT: Okay. Ending your turn Molly, it’s Nott, you’re up. SAM: Oh. Excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, excuse me. I’m going to cut through the front and go as far up the stairs as I can go. MATT: (counting) 30. LIAM: Careful. SAM: Take one shot, at the one who looks frosty. MATT: That’s that guy there? SAM: Yeah. (crossbow sound) MATT: Make the attack. SAM: Oh, boy, 12. MATT: 12, it does hit, and then splinters off the armor. Off the ice in particular. SAM: (groans) I will, bonus action, go right back to where I was. MATT: (goblin yell) You rush back down. That finishes your turn Nott, Jester, you’re up. SAM: Pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me. LAURA: I’m going to move forward, up to the other side. Yeah, can I see them? MATT: You can see them. LAURA: You know what? Fuck it. Should I do this? MARISHA and TALIESIN: Always. LAURA: Fuck it. I’m going to climb up the stairs. SAM: (imitating Laura) Climb up the stairs. Hello, gentleman. LAURA: Then I’m going to Invoke Duplicity! SAM: Shaka-pow. MATT: Where’s it going to appear? LAURA: It’s going to appear next to the– yeah, right there. MATT: Right there? LAURA: She’s going to be like– MATT: The one gnoll goes (growls). All right. Seems immediately confused by the appearance of two Jesters in proximity. MATT: That’s your action. That’s your go? LAURA: Yeah, and then can I use my movement to crouch behind this table? MATT: Nah, that’s as far as you can get with your movement, unfortunately. LAURA: Okie dokie. MATT: Ending Jester’s turn. These two guys come into play. This one rushes up and swings at the illusory Jester; passes through, no effect. This one’s going to– five, six. It does not have a ranged attack, so instead it’s going to rush forward and engage with you right there. LAURA: Okay. MATT: It’s now Beau’s go. MARISHA: Okay. Is it dark in here? MATT: It is dark. You currently, there’s a little bit of light that you have– LIAM: The closest globule is ten feet behind us. MATT: Yeah, you’re seeing action happen up ahead, and you’re like (groan). You don’t have a good bead. You can still do things, but you’re considered blind, so you have disadvantage on any attacks that you make. MARISHA: Can I run up to the guy that just came up to Jester and wait until that light comes up from Caleb? MATT: Yeah, you can hold your action if you want. MARISHA: Hold the attack? MATT: Okay. All right, you’re holding your action. You rush up and you can see the outer glimmers of bits of bone and its body moving as it rushes in to harry Jester. MARISHA: When I hold my action, can I also hold my bonus action with that? MATT: No. Only your action, unfortunately. MARISHA: Can I use my bonus action to spend a ki point and do patient defense? MATT: You can. MARISHA: Let’s do that. MATT: You go into a defensive potion there, all right. MARISHA: I can still attack when it comes, right? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Okay. Thank you. MATT: That ends your turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: My choo-choo train of globules of light go (whirring) and float over all our heads– MATT: Lighting up the vicinity here. LIAM: Yeah. I’m already falling into a routine with my other human friend here, because I know that she’s a badass, but not without light. The globules pass her and curve to the left a little bit, and one floats above her head. The last one. MATT: Okay. Perfect. MARISHA: As soon as it comes around me, I’m going to use the staff with the light as it comes and crack it down over top of his head. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Natural 20! I rolled an eight on my die! (sings) Max all the way around. That’s 16 plus four! I’m not going to touch you right now. I’m sick. There we go. I’ll hit the elbow. 20! MATT: All right, so as the light emerges above, you leap into the air, swing the staff, bring it straight down, as it does– MARISHA: Can I have the light following behind me as I run up? MATT: Yeah. It splinters the skeleton into pieces all around its entire body, crushes and collapses to the ground. Scattered across. MARISHA: Fuck yeah. KHARY: Anastasia, did you just see that? (laughter) MATT: Caleb, rest of your turn? LIAM: That was it. No, I’m staying where the hell I am. MATT: Stay where you are, all right. That finishes your go. The light is in the room. The end of Caleb’s turn, that is now Fjord. LIAM: Ah! I’ll move up 15 feet. Sorry, I apologize, Entschuldigung. MATT: 15. There you go. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll come up the stairs so I can get a line of sight on any of those motherfucks. MATT: There, 30? TRAVIS: Actually, I’ll be behind Beau. MATT: Okay. Behind Beau right there. MARISHA: I hug the wall, let Fjord do his thing. MATT: I’ll put you right there. We’ll just lean you. TRAVIS: Coming through! MATT: There. Oh, excuse me! TRAVIS: Eldritch Blast. MATT: Which one are you shooting at? TRAVIS: The closest one. MATT: That’s the one that’s been frosted. Go for it. TRAVIS: Only 14. MATT: 14, for against him, does not hit. TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: Unfortunately. It manages to strike some sort of shield on the side that shatters. It’s bolted to its forearm. It pulls it up just in time to deflect the Eldritch Blast. It cracks the shield and does damage to its exterior, but no wound to the actual gnoll. TRAVIS: Fair enough. That’s my turn. MATT: That finishes Fjord. Top of the round, you hear this (hyena barking and growling). MARISHA and LAURA: Oh shit. MATT: (heavy footfalls) LAURA: Oh no, it’s the general! MATT: Watch as an armored gnoll– ALL: Here comes the general! MATT: In the back of the chamber. LIAM: Gnoll Washington! (laughter) LAURA: We are outgunned. ALL: What! LAURA an KHARY: Outmanned! ALL: What! MATT: Outnumbered, and crossbow. As the pack lord approaches, cackling at the sight of you, you see a look of recognition on its eyes as it pulls back its longbow and is going to go ahead and fire immediately at– Well, first I’m going to see– It does see through the illusion, so it does not fire for the fake Jester; however, it does fire for you, the actual Jester. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Blood Maledict. MATT: You currently do not have visual. TALIESIN: I do not have visual? MATT: Not in your current position, nope. TALIESIN: Damn it. Fine. MATT: So that’s an attack on you with a longbow. That is going to be a 15. LAURA: Doesn’t hit me! MATT: Doesn’t hit you. LAURA: 17! I put my shield up. MATT: It splinters across the shield, no impact. That’s going to end its go. We’re now at the top of the round. It’s your turn, Shakäste. SAM and MARISHA: (whisper) Shakäste. KHARY: Aid. MARISHA: A rakshasa. KHARY: I don’t know, this big guy’s got me worried. This may take a little time. Nobody seems to be able to hit shit right now. TALIESIN: Welcome to the game! KHARY: Yeah, so I say myself and my two brave warriors who are so far frontal, Mrs. and Mrs.? MARISHA: Yeah. KHARY: Let’s all take Aid. I will, and so will they. MATT: All righty. LAURA: What is Aid? MATT: Aid, is that 2nd-level? KHARY: Aid is 2nd-level, yeah. MATT: I believe you both get five additional hit points to your max, and five hit points. LAURA: Me? MATT: Yeah, so the three of you, your max hit points go up by five. LIAM: Oh, nice. MATT: You gain five hit points on top of that. TRAVIS: Damn. MARISHA: I turn to Shakäste and I say: Are you a motivational speaker or something? KHARY: I pack them in on the Menagerie Coast, baby. TRAVIS: He knew the location! MARISHA: He totally did. TRAVIS: He fucking studied up! LAURA: There, it’s already at 30, so 31?? Sweet. MATT: All right, as you feel this sudden burst of physical hardiness surge within, this warm glow in your belly that helps stir you up to the future of physical impact and damage. That’s your action; do you want to move at all on your turn? KHARY: Sure. You know what? I think I’ll move up a few feet, and I’ll also take Anastasia and put her a little further forward, but at a safe distance from these people. MATT: All right. Like this direction, or this direction? KHARY: Actually, yeah, closer to me. Yeah, there we go. MATT: We’ll put Anastasia perching on the wall there, looking that way. KHARY: I like it. MATT: Okay. That ends your turn. It’s now the gnolls’ go. This one is going to rush forward towards you. This skeletal one is going to rush forward towards Jester. This one’s going to stay back and continue to fire at Beau. It’s going to take a step back there. This one’s going to stay where it is and take a shot at Beau as well. We have one gnoll that’s attacking you with a spear. That’s a 12. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: You deflect it with your sickle, which you’ve unhooked from earlier. Just grab it and (shing) off to the side, parrying it. The skeletal witherling rushes up and is going to attempt to strike at you with a bite actually. It’s going to lash out with its horrible bony maw. That is going to be a ten. LAURA: Ha. MATT: You pull the shield up a little higher. Teeth shatter and break and fly off around the exterior of the shield. LAURA: I look over at Beau and I’m like: I’m doing you! MARISHA: Good job! MATT: As you’re doing that, “Good job!”, you look back just as two arrows go flying towards you from the two other gnolls. They both have disadvantage, I believe, right? Because you took your defensive stance. MARISHA: Yep. MATT: All right, which is good because that would’ve been a 20, and an 11. MARISHA: Miss, miss. MATT: Well, that’s the first attack. I rolled a 20 and 11. You dodge out of the way. The second one is going to be a 21 and a 22. MATT: That hits. MARISHA: See if I can catch another arrow. MATT: You take six points of piercing damage. MARISHA: I’m going to do my Deflect Missile. MATT: Reaction, right. MARISHA: I’m going to try and do like a frisbee catch in the air. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll your die. MARISHA: It’s a d10, right, d10? What was it, six damage? MATT: Six piercing damage. MARISHA: Five plus my seven, so yes. MATT: All right, so the first arrow you dodge out of the way, and the second one you see it coming out of the way. There’s a brief moment where time seems to (whirring) and you catch it right in the middle of your hand. It pulls you back a little bit and looking down you can see the arrow is there, right in the middle of your grip. MARISHA: (stuttering) We’re so cool right now! Yeah! KHARY: You’re welcome. (laughter) MATT: That’s going to end the gnolls’ go. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: All right, I’m going to try and run up the stairs toward the undead guy. MATT: There you go. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a swing at him. That’s 14 to hit? MATT: 14 hits him. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Only a 12 armor class. TALIESIN: Wow. Let’s see what we do. That’s (counting) 11 points of damage? MATT: 11 points of damage is just what you needed. With your first strike, infused with the rite, you streak down with your first blow and your scimitar carves through the upper part of its shoulder blade into its ribcage. As you do, you watch as whatever necrotic energy’s holding its body together suddenly dissipates and all the bones clatter to the ground in a pile. TALIESIN: I’m going to keep running and to get to the other side of that other gnoll. MATT: This one here? TALIESIN: Yeah. Actually, if there’s any way, can I get all the way around him? MATT: (counting) Yes, there is. TALIESIN: Yeah! I don’t know if this is helpful, but I’m going to take my second swing. That’s 18 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MATT: You don’t get the bonus to your wisdom, but you still have the rite on that one. TALIESIN: That’s ten points of damage. MATT: Ten points of damage on the other. LIAM: Regular gnoll. MATT: Using the momentum of that first strike, you continue running and with a backwards swipe carve through the back of the other gnoll. It arches its back with pain as you carve this giant wound across the back of its shoulder to about where the base of its spine is, and you see blood beginning to flow from its wound where the bits of the armor are separated, and the fur poking out from within the haphazard hide. I believe that ends your turn? TALIESIN: That ends my turn. MATT: All righty. End of Molly’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: (whimpers) That’s my turn. (laughter) SAM: No, I will run up behind Shakäste and I’ll peek around and fire at the frosty one right in front of Jester. MATT: Okay. Go for it. LAURA: (whispers) Frosty. SAM: Yeah, 24. MATT: 24 hits, and you do get sneak attack because it is currently– SAM: Yeah! LAURA: Engaged! TALIESIN: So engaged. LIAM: (Picard voice) Engage. SAM: 12. MATT: 12 points of damage. It’s already taken 11 from the rest of you, so that finishes it off. (cheering) MATT: You wait for the moment where Jester moves out of the way. As it’s pulling back and beginning to try and strike again with its spear, and take the shot and watch as it hits right in the sternum and pulls back its spear and with its final thrust of momentum, falls to the ground into a pile and is now bleeding out of its mouth as it’s unconscious and dying on the ground. LAURA: I’m a really good fighter you guys! SAM: Bonus action, I will cast Mage Hand and pull back the cloak around Shakäste’s cloak, to see what’s in his back pocket. MATT: Can you cast it as a bonus action? SAM: You can use it as a bonus action. MATT: Meaning you cast it as an action. You can’t do that yet. SAM: Then I will do this with my hand. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. I need you to go ahead and make a perception check. KHARY: Ah, yes. SAM: 22. MATT: Roll a d20. Add your perception skill modifier. TRAVIS: Come on, 20. LIAM and KHARY: No. MATT: Yeah, you don’t notice it. What does he see hanging off the back of your belt? SAM: Anything off the belt, in the back pocket? KHARY: Oh, gosh, what do I have back there? TRAVIS: What don’t you have back there? KHARY: Yeah, what don’t I have back there? SAM: It’s assless chaps! (laughter) KHARY: He sees a pouch that’s relatively full, I would say. MATT: Okay. Just hanging right there on the back of the belt. SAM: Okay. Good to know. That’s my action; that’s my bonus action. MATT: That’s your action. That finishes your turn, Nott. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. That went really well, so I’m going to run– Oh, god, there’s three of them right there. TRAVIS: They’re going to spread pretty soon. LAURA: I know, but– TRAVIS: Right after you. LAURA: What am I going to do? I’m going to run into– Oh, no, that’s really dumb. I’m going to use my duplicate and she’s going to Toll the Dead. MATT: To which one? LAURA: To the orange one. TRAVIS and LAURA: Come on, Toll the Dead! TRAVIS: One time! LAURA: It’s a wisdom saving throw! LIAM: Toll house. TRAVIS and LAURA: Roll low! MATT: It did! It rolled a seven. (cheering) LAURA: This is a really loud gong. He takes four damage. MATT: Four points of damage. All right. That was to which one of these two? LAURA: The orange one. MATT: The orange one, okay. Both of them have been damaged now, a little bit. You watch as it shakes its head for a second, and it’s beginning to string another arrow. That finishes your turn? LAURA: Oh, had he not been damaged yet? MATT: He had not been damaged before. LAURA: I shouldn’t have rolled a 12. I should have rolled an eight. MATT: Then roll that eight. LAURA: Six damage. MATT: Weirdly, more damage. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: Well, there you go. Now he’s damaged. Good catch on that. That end your turn or do you want to move? Well you moved your– oh, that was a bonus action. LAURA: As a bonus action I did that, so I’m going hop up on the table that I’m next to. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: That’s your turn. That brings us to– all, no, both of the skeletons have been destroyed. That’ll bring us to Beau’s turn. MARISHA: All right. I’m going to vault past everybody. Well, never mind they all moved. I’m going to run up right into fray. MATT: Five, ten, 15, which one? MARISHA: Right in between the orange guy and the gray guy. MATT: There you go. MARISHA: Hit, and then I’ll probably do my Flurry of Blows. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: I’m going to run up, I’m going to go for a rib shot with the bo. It’s not a good roll. It’s not great. 12. MATT: 12 does not hit. As you rush forward to swing with your first strike, the one that’d been firing at you from the previous round notices your approach, throws the longbow over the arm and brings up the shield in the same motion and deflects the quick thrust of your staff. MARISHA: Uh-huh. Okay. MATT: If you’re doing Flurry of Blows you have two more attacks on it. MARISHA: Yeah, wonder if that’s a good idea. Maybe I should– I’m going to Patient Defense this again. Do I have a bonus attack? MATT: No, you do that instead of your bonus attack. You hit once, it gets deflected, and you spend your bonus action to do Patient Defense. MARISHA: That didn’t go as well as I thought. MATT: That’s all right. TALIESIN: That’s okay. You’ve engaged them, which means they’re less likely to use their bows. MARISHA: That’s true. MATT: That ends your turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I don’t really have a clear view of what’s going on so I would, on this wall here, I would inch five or ten feet up the cave to see what’s going on. MATT: You get just about there. LIAM: I see a gigantic gnoll and– okay. MATT: The one that you saw earlier in Alfield and that you– LIAM: The big one. I’m going to do what I did to him before and I’m going to bring my hand once around, twice around, three times around and cast Scorching Ray on that one only. First is a 17. MARISHA: Come on, Caleb! MATT: 17 hits. LAURA and MARISHA: (cheering) LIAM: Second one hits as well, and the third one also hits. (cheering) TALIESIN: Take that. SAM: Those are the only hits he’s had all campaign. MARISHA: Guys, I think Shakäste makes us better people. LAURA: Shakäste, stay forever. MARISHA: He makes us better. LIAM: 18. That is a total of 20 of fire damage. MATT: 20 points of fire damage. (cheering) MATT: That’s awesome. As he turns the corner, the two gnolls back out of the way and you see it standing there. It has its large two-handed glaive in its hand, its shield slung over one shoulder, the bow over the other, and seeing this for the first time, you see this larger, muscular, more dark-furred gnoll that looks like the leader of this cluster, this pack. The armor it has is chunks of chainmail and hide armor that are patched together where a number of long, thin spines, like heavy, bone-like spikes have been woven into it like a decoration to make it look extremely intimidating. Right as it grins and gets its glaive ready, it gets blasted with three beams of burning arcane energy as they hit and impact you watch as the flames curl up and it has to pat it out with its giant hand. (snarling) It took the hit like a champ, and it seems like it’s hurt, but it’s still doing pretty well. LIAM: I wipe my arm down and say: Oh boy. MATT: Is that your turn? LIAM: Yeah, that’s done. MATT: That was a good round. That finishes Caleb’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I pick myself up out of my prone position there on the– MATT: Well technically you’re not prone, sorry. TRAVIS: I know, I was commenting on the way I was laying. Can I come up to the top of the stairs, right there? Keeping some of my movement left, and can I cast Eldritch Blast, at the gnoll that’s standing in front of the big bad baby? MATT: Right there? You may. Go ahead and roll the attack. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: That hits, roll damage. TRAVIS: Nice. That plus six, that’s eight points. MATT: Eight points of damage. That one, as it’s notching another arrow into its bow it takes the impact off of its shoulder. It grazed it. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I cast Hexblade’s Curse on the big motherfucker and say: Come on, you sack of shit, come get me. MATT: You may. We’ll mark him with the Hexblade Curse with this big old angry black circle to mark him as the target there. TRAVIS: Can I use the rest of my movement to go back down the stairs? MATT: You may. LAURA: Come get me, you coward! MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. Back of the combat round, it’s now the pack lord’s turn. The pack lord returns to this way– TALIESIN: Attack of opportunity– oh, no. MATT: No, it steps through the one and is going to turn this way, and rear back for a giant kick. It’s going to make a shove attack against you. TRAVIS: That’s not a pit, is it? MATT: Yeah, that’s a big ol’ pit. TRAVIS: I thought they were stairs! MARISHA: But we couldn’t see that! SAM: It’s another poo hole. LIAM: I had no idea that was there! TALIESIN: Blood Maledict to all fuck. MATT: He already has disadvantage because of Patient Defense. LIAM: We can imagine that, Matt. We needed the fear of god. TALIESIN: Oh, look at that. MARISHA: (groaning) Well. I’m suddenly having regrets. MATT: One and 17. What’s your armor class? MARISHA: 17. MATT: Oh, shit! All right, so, hold on. SAM: Does that hit or not? MATT: It hits. We’ll see with the shove. TRAVIS: I think it’s five feet unless it’s stronger. Could be ten. MATT: I’m seeing if there’s a contested check, we haven’t done the shove in a while here. LIAM: Yeah, that back wall perfectly blocks that whole thing. MATT: I’m so sorry, guys. That’s my bad. MARISHA: Totally probably wouldn’t have even have run up. MATT: That’s my bad. LAURA: It’s fine. You’re just going to die. MARISHA: It’ll be great. SAM: You’ve got a staff. You can jam it into a thing on the way down. MARISHA: Yeah! In more level I get Feather Fall. That would’ve been nice. LIAM: Your eldritch knight is going to be great. MARISHA: Thank you! MATT: Oh, actually it doesn’t have a roll of attack against you, technically, so that wouldn’t have mattered. It’s a contested athletics versus your– MARISHA: Versus my strength, right? MATT: Versus your athletics or acrobatics, your choice. MARISHA: I’ll take the acrobatics. LIAM: Come on, ninja! TALIESIN: Oh man! MATT: I’ll check real fast to see if your Patient Defense affects that at all, not sure if it does. TRAVIS: Give her your energy, guys. What the fuck are you doing? TALIESIN: You don’t want my energy, it’s been bad. TRAVIS and LIAM: (chanting, rhythmic breathing) MARISHA: Are you looking for patient defense shit? MATT: Yeah, it doesn’t affect this roll, unfortunately. It’s just a straight roll. MARISHA: Oh, it doesn’t? MATT: Nope. It’s a contested roll. TRAVIS: You got this. LIAM: (chanting) Monk monk monk. LAURA: (glumly) I know what he rolled. MATT: It’s a natural 20. (yelling) MATT: You can come look at The Snitch right now. MARISHA: You did this! If I die it’s on your head! TALIESIN: You can make this go away at any time. MATT: Make your acrobatics check. It’s not an automatic success. SAM: Just roll a natural 20. MARISHA: Oh my god. Pick the dice that I use. LIAM: A natural 20? MATT: It’s a 23 total. It only has a plus three strength bonus, so. LIAM: This is clearly a case of the husband favoring the wife. MARISHA: I don’t want to die. (yelling) Ugh! Goddamn it! That happened before! MATT: It was almost an 18 and it went to a four. So! He shoves you, not actually with the shield. He pulls back and Sparta kicks you. Right as you turn to try and defend, whack! It hits you right in the sternum and you get pushed back five feet, which puts you right on the edge. I need you to go ahead and make a dexterity check to try and catch yourself. MARISHA: Make a what? MATT: Dexterity saving throw. MARISHA: Saving throw? (Panicked breathing) I’m good at this. LAURA: Don’t say those things, Marisha. TALIESIN: Yeah, we’re not good at anything. Let’s stop pretending that we’re good at anything. TRAVIS: Yeah, because you did have patient dodge going, right? MARISHA: I had Patient Defense, but– MATT: It’s against attack rolls, but I feel like I just saw something. For dodge action, “and you make dexterity saving throws with advantage.” MARISHA: I do? MATT: You do, so roll with advantage. MATT: It’s a high DC, you have to beat I think with this and the impact that hit you, you have to beat an 18, so go for it. You have advantage! LAURA: You can do it. LIAM: Advantage and have a good bonus. MARISHA: I have to roll at least a 12. LIAM: You’ve already fallen off one cliff, you’re not going to do it again. MARISHA: That’s an 11. LAURA: Oh god! MARISHA: Please be better. LIAM: It’s the exact same thing. TRAVIS: Two 11s! Two! 11s! MATT: You watch as Beau slips, can’t get a grip, and then falls and tumbles into the pit below. MARISHA: (fading scream) TRAVIS: Oh. Shit. LIAM: Blind justice. SAM: The pit is six feet deep. KHARY: There’s a grate on that– can you grab it? MARISHA: Busting fingernails. MATT: That’s what she was trying to grab as you fell back. That was the dexterity saving throw, because it was a grate. You suffer 11 points of bludgeoning damage, which– it’s not bad. You fell 40 feet and landed on your back onto hard rocks and stones. TALIESIN: Could have been worse, although you are our tank. MARISHA: (wheezing) It knocks the air out of me, so going to be sick, I guess. Hit real good. (normally) 11 points? KHARY: Did the aid I give help at all with that? MATT: Oh yeah! MARISHA: Oh, right. Hang on. MATT: You have five more hit points than you had before the battle started. TALIESIN: Yeah, it halved the fall damage. That’s so mean. MATT: That ends his go. Shakäste, you’re up. You watched Beau fall into this pit behind– LIAM: What a turn around. KHARY: God. MARISHA: (wheezing) I’m good. I’m okay. SAM: There’s an old man down in the bottom of the pit. KHARY: Good to know. Let’s see, I’m running out of spells. Let’s see. I can’t do this anymore because LIAM: Well, you can do this a million times. KHARY: I can do this a million times? MATT: You have four 1st-level spells per day you can cast and two second. You’ve used one 2nd-level, so have one of those, and you’ve cast Thunderwave before, so you still have three 1st-level spells. KHARY: I still have three 1st-level spells. MATT: Correct. You can cast with any of those. KHARY: Let’s see. Would it be best– could I Command the big guy? MATT: You could try. MARISHA and MATT: You can certainly try. MATT: What do you want to Command him to do? TRAVIS: Or one of the smaller ones if you want a higher rate of success, maybe. LIAM: Maybe get a little bit closer. KHARY: Right, maybe, yeah get a little bit closer in order to– LIAM: Not all the way. KHARY: No, I can see him just fine. MATT: Yeah, you can see him, the big guy. LIAM: 60 feet of range on that. KHARY: Yeah, how close am I to him? MATT: He’s within range. He’s about 30 feet from you. KHARY: Let’s see, if I asked him to drop or asked him to fall– could I ask him to fall on his fellows? MATT: You can’t ask him to fall on somebody else’s weapon. You can ask him to drop prone if you want to. LIAM: Yeah, what are they, like “lie down” or “drop your weapons” or it’s a single word, so “drop.” Drop everything in his hands, or you could say “lay.” SAM: Turn, jump. LAURA: Drop his weapon, no don’t listen to me, do what you want. LIAM: You could say “dance” and he would just start dancing. KHARY: The target doesn’t move and takes no action. How about– oh, you know what? Drop, TRAVIS: Keep going. LAURA: Yeah, that’s pretty good. KHARY: I say: Halt. I say we tell the big guy to halt. Not to mention, “halt” is good, because he’s actually standing in front of his dudes as well, that’d give them– that would make it harder for them to move. MATT: So what do you say as he finishes kicking Beau into the pit and turns (snarling). KHARY: Halt. Is what I say. Halt! MATT: It looks back towards you, and I see the spell DC is 13 for you. That is a two, it does not succeed. You watch as it puts its weapons down for a second and looks right at you, eyes wide, confused as it turns its head (inquisitive sound). SAM: Does that last a round? LAURA: He keeps his weapons in his hand, though? KHARY: Yeah. MATT: Yeah, it takes no actions for its next turn. KHARY: Yeah, he doesn’t do anything. MATT: Do you want to move or stay where you are? KHARY: Let’s see, I actually feel pretty good about where I am. MATT: It’s the gnoll’s turn. KHARY: I can still see everything, right? MATT: Yep. These guys are going to back up a little bit, and they’re both going to take shots, one at Molly and one at Jester. At Molly, that is a 16. What’s your armor class? TALIESIN: It hits. MATT: It hits? You take four points of piercing damage. Attacking against you, Jester. A natural 20, I’m sorry. LAURA: Could they tell it was my illusion right there? MATT: They noticed earlier, unfortunately. LAURA: Damn it. MATT: That’s okay, it’s not too bad. That’s eight points of piercing damage. LAURA: Oh. Oh! I’m going to take it. MATT: Okay. That ends their turn, Molly, you’re up first. TALIESIN: I’m going to rush around to the left of the big guy. His left, I’m sorry. Right over here. Right in there. I’m going to take two shots and see what happens. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Do I have advantage or anything because he’s not moving, or–? MATT: No, he just doesn’t make action on his turn. LAURA: Can he not react either? MATT: He can react, but he doesn’t– He can’t take any actions or move on this turn. TALIESIN: All right. That hits, that’s a 23. MATT: That hits, roll damage. TALIESIN: I’ll roll damage on that. He doesn’t get the bonus, does he? None of that special power against him? MATT: No, you don’t. TALIESIN: Ooh, that’s nice! 13 points of damage. MATT: 13 points of damage from that first strike. You carve through the body. Its eyes still locked on– (chuckles) Its eyes are still locked on Shakäste, not looking away, going (grunts). TALIESIN: Shot number two is 21 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage again for that one. TALIESIN: That’s seven points of damage. I’m going to try and see what happens if I disengage. MATT: All right. So as you back away. TALIESIN: I’m going to back away towards me. MATT: That way. It sees you walk away and makes a strike towards you. TALIESIN: Does he try and make his strike? MATT: He does. TALIESIN: I was just curious. I was going to hit him if he’s going to try and hit me. I’m going to hit him right back with Blood Maledict. MATT: Okay. That’ll give him disadvantage. TALIESIN: I’m going to use the full Blood Maledict so I’m going to take a little damage. Yep. Oh, I take my three points of damage. I start bleeding again from the neck. MATT: As his eyes go black and you watch him begin to bleed from the corners of its eyes. MATT: The second roll for that attack was a three plus five. So yeah, it misses you; it’s an eight. TALIESIN: I’m going to back up a little further to get– MATT: Like over here? MATT: Ending Molly’s turn, Nott, you’re up. TALIESIN: Right up here, if that’s okay. SAM: No one’s in sneaky range. I’m going to caress the little pouch, little bit. Looking up to Caleb to see if he’s looking at me at all. LIAM: I’m not, by the way. MATT: Yes. SAM: Trying to make good choices. I will leave the pouch and draw the hand crossbow and run up a few stairs and then I will crouch down on my knee and hold my attack until someone is within sneak attack range. MATT: Okay. So you’re holding that there. Ending your turn Nott, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to run forward and attack him because he’s not moving at all. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: He doesn’t have a reaction, so you can back away now. TRAVIS: Dude, Command is clutch. MATT: So both of you guys make your attack. Or whatever you’re doing, Jester. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: 23. LAURA: 16. MATT: 16 also hits. Both of you guys roll damage. TRAVIS: 16 hits? SAM: 15. MATT: 15 points of damage. LAURA: Four points of damage. MATT: How do you guys want to do this? (cheering) MATT: Currently held. LAURA and SAM: (yelling) SAM: Jester! We’ve solved the mystery! (laughter) SAM: It was him! He did it! LAURA: It was you! LAURA and SAM: (yelling) MATT: As you collide with the gnoll pack lord as you release a bolt that strikes it in the throat. LIAM: We’ve got four jokes this campaign. MATT: The bolt sinks through one of the eyes as the sickle hits the other and it (choking) and it tries to make one final thrust before the halt magic prevents it from doing so and it (falls). MATT: And falls to the ground. TRAVIS: Dude, thank you for that. Because of that, I regain hit points equal to my warlock level plus my charisma modifier. MARISHA: Oh because your Hex thing? TRAVIS: Really appreciate that. MARISHA: That’s awesome. LAURA: Yeah, we do. Wait, what kind of weapon was that guy holding? MATT: That was a glaive. It was a large two-handed polearm with an axe head at the end of it. LAURA: That’s really big. MATT: It’s pretty big. TRAVIS: Seven points I heal. That’s fucking sweet. KHARY: Which means to bluff. TRAVIS: To blathe! MATT: That ends Jester’s turn. That brings us to Beau. MARISHA: (groaning) MATT: You’re like (groaning). You get up from prone, so it’s half your movement. MARISHA: Fuck, that’s half of my damn movement? MARISHA: All right. Can I do some cool monk shit and do like a (wall jumping) to get out? MATT: It is a small enough space, I’ll let you make an athletics check or acrobatics check instead of athletics. MARISHA: Is it small enough to where I can do the wedge myself– MATT: It is not small enough for that, unfortunately. It’s about a ten foot gap, but you can leap from side to side or you can climb with athletics. It’s your choice. MARISHA: Is leap from side to side also athletics? MATT: That’s acrobatics to do that. MARISHA: Yeah, that one. Let’s do that one. MATT: It’s monkish. Go for it. MARISHA: Monkish? Okay. 19. MATT: You leap, leap, leap, leap. You get about 20 feet up your movement before you have to grab onto the wall to stop yourself. MARISHA: 18. Sorry. MATT: That’s fine. Still enough. And if you wanted to use an action to dash, you could make it the rest of the way up. MARISHA: Yes. MATT: Pole vaulting off, parkouring up the wall until eventually you leap and get back up to the top. TRAVIS: Hey! MARISHA: Did you guys know there’s a hole? TALIESIN: I did not know that. Did not know that. TRAVIS: We did not. MARISHA: Now I climbed out of the hole to two gnolls. Hole to gnoll? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Cool. MATT: Ending Beau’s turn, Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Caleb, who was just going into his bag to pull out a ro– oh, she does not need the rope, okay. So instead I pull out the diamond and I start spinning it around and it turns to thunder and I sent that flying into the tannish colored– Chromatic Orb to that one, yeah. MATT: Right there? All right, roll for the attack. MARISHA and TRAVIS: Thunder. LIAM: That hits. That is a 20 to hit. MATT: 20 hits. Roll damage. LIAM: Yeah. This is thunder damage is a total of… oh, just eight, you know. Just eight points of thunder damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. It impacts and it looks like really hurt now and it’s like (heavy breathing). It’s getting ready to run. It looks like it’s in the process of deciding to flee. LIAM: Okay. This looks good. I’m going to back down the stairs and stand by Shakäste, I think. Diplomatic immunity! (laughter) MATT: Finishing Caleb’s turn, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Can I use my full movement to come back up the stairs as far as I can? 30 feet. MATT: There you go. TRAVIS: Eldritch Blast into the darker gnoll. Yes. MATT: Go for it. Roll to attack. TRAVIS: Plus six. That is 21. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. TRAVIS: All right. That is (counting) 15 points of Eldritch Blast damage. MATT: That one, seeing the other one about to flee, tries to turn to meet gait right before your Eldritch Blast slams it in the back and core through its abdomen, leaving this burning hole in the center before it falls to the ground and collapses dead. Its friend going (whimpering). It’s now looking scared and ready to bolt. That ends Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Pack lord’s gone. Shakäste, you’re up. There is this one who’s very wounded and about to flee. KHARY: Yes. I will run a few steps up and hit it with Sacred Flame. MATT: All righty. That is a natural four. It does not succeed so roll damage on that one. d8 radiant damage. LAURA: You got up! MARISHA: I did! It took everything. LIAM: All good! Sechs!Sechs-y. KHARY: Six. MATT: Six points of damage. That’s– aw man, almost! As it bursts into flame, its body is now singed by the radiant energy that’s burned around its torso. It’s breathing heavy and limping and it’s going to go ahead and– is that the end of your turn? KHARY: Is that the end of my turn? That’s a great question. MATT: That’s your movement, your action so. KHARY: I moved and I action so bonus action? Is there some? MATT: If you have anything that could use a bonus action. KHARY: I know that there’s something here that has a bonus action. MATT: You have a spell that does it, but I don’t think it’s going to be helpful right now. LIAM: Spiritual Weapon. KHARY and LIAM: Nah. MATT: Yeah, hold off on that. Okay, so that ends your turn. It’s going to turn and bolt. It was right up against you, so you do get an attack of opportunity on it. MARISHA: Oh, yes! Fuck you! LIAM: It’s got one hit point. MARISHA and LIAM: Yes! MATT: Roll damage. MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. One! Plus four, so five damage. (cheering) MATT: As it spins to run away, you’re like “No you don’t!” (whack) and slam it on the head. It falls. (grunt) “Again!” You just slowly bash it to the ground until its head’s a mashed-in pulp. (cheering) LAURA: Wait! Not the pulp, we need the ears! MARISHA: Oh shit. Oh no. Is there still an ear left? MATT: Yeah, you can pull the ears out. There a little wet, but they’re functional. LAURA: That’s three gnoll sets and I’m going to mark one as super special because it’s big. TALIESIN: We’re also going to go through the pockets of the big one, obviously. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All right. we’ll come back and begin that right after we take a quick break. So we’re going to take a quick break. I’m going to sit back down here. We’ll continue the story here in just a moment, but before we do that, real fast, we have a couple things. One, we have a gift here from Wyrmwood for our resident monk over there. MARISHA: What, really? LIAM: With a letter. SAM: I didn’t get a letter! MATT: Apparently, she’s got fans at Wyrmwood. LIAM: Patrick Rothfuss again? MARISHA: Oh wait, this is to all– wait. Oh. It was probably addressed to me because of Geek & Sundry. MATT: That’s probably it. MARISHA: But this is to all of us. “To the cast of Critical Role, while–” Hang on, let me make sure. SAM: It’s mostly cursing. TRAVIS: What is that word down there? MATT: Open it! While she’s reading it. Wyrmwood is giving away two Adventurer’s Arsenals, which we’ve shown previously on weeks here, that are zebra wood. If you guys haven’t seen it, Wyrmwood’s last Kickstarter. It’s a packaged dice box and then on the inside, holds your dice, holds your pencil or pen, eraser or mini. All magnetized in there. We’re giving away two of these at the break to anybody who wants to enter. MARISHA: It’s mine. LIAM: It’s yours. MARISHA: Yeah. It is a gift for me. MATT: There you go. MARISHA: It’s so great. LAURA: Thanks, Wyrmwood. Thanks for Marisha. MATT: Oh, they give us plenty. Anyway, two of you will win this. When you’re prompted in the chat and only in Twitch chat, to use the keyword 'hush’. H-U-ace-H-S. H-U-S-H. There we go, I can spell. Brain not working, too much math. Hush in the chat, when you’re prompted. Only enter once or you’ll be disqualified, but we’ll come back with two winners after the break. We’ll see you guys here in a few minutes. TRAVIS: I’ve gotta pee! TALIESIN: Nice. [break] MATT: Hello and welcome back everybody. So, before we jump in here, we have our two winners in the chat of the Wyrmwood giveaway. They are Grugswald. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Grugswald and onegirlx10. Congratulations to you guys, Grugswold and onegirlx10, Danoba will contact you and get your information and get those sent to you in the chat. Congratulations and we’ll have more of these in future episodes. They’re awesome. They’re pretty rad. MARISHA: They came fully stocked. Look at that. Look at how jealous Laura is. Look at that. It fuels me. I love it. MATT: I would be careful. TALIESIN: I’m here more than you these days. You better hide that thing. TRAVIS: Other people’s dice. LIAM: All those dice that you could check before the game. You could roll them. MATT: Bringing it back in, guys. LIAM: We’re all real good friends. MATT: I know. (laughter) LAURA: No. Congratulations, Marisha. TALIESIN: So happy for you. MATT: You guys, finishing this fray, you gather the gnoll ears as well as– LAURA: Rummage through their bodies. MATT: Make an investigation check. The two of you who are investigating their bodies. TALIESIN: I’ll give advantage. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Advantage. LAURA: I did. I know. I’m doing that. TALIESIN: Yeah. That’s not good. LAURA: (yelling) Did you see that? TALIESIN: That’s cocked. Well. LAURA: That is not cocked. I rolled a one and a two. MATT: Aw. LAURA: So yeah. A three for investigation. MATT: Okay. Well, there’s the glaive. It’s hard to miss that. It’s pretty well-made; it’s sturdy, it has some of the spines that are part of the armor as well affixed to it along the top. LAURA: I’m going to take it. How heavy is it? MATT: It’s like– Let me look at how much a glaive weighs according to the book. The glaive is about six pounds. It’s not too bad. Well, this one’s probably closer to ten. It’s a pretty top-heavy. It’s designed for a gnoll. Or at least designed for something big that wants to hurt something badly. You do manage through a collection of shinies in the pack leader’s pockets and manage to find roughly 13 gold pieces, three silver and no copper. It only wants things that are shiny. Copper aren’t as shiny to them. LAURA: Who wants this gold? Anybody? TALIESIN: Never say no to gold. KHARY: I could use it. LAURA: Yeah? KHARY: Sure. LAURA: Here is three gold for you. KHARY: You are the best thing. LAURA: Here is three gold for you. LIAM: How much was in there? LAURA: There’s seven gold left. Here’s three gold for you. SAM: Where does Shakäste? MATT: Mm-hmm. Shakäste. SAM: Where does Shakäste put the gold? MATT: Where does Shakäste put the gold? KHARY: I put it in my– MATT: You can do it discreetly if you want to. KHARY: Well, I suppose a blind man does put his gold in his back pocket pretty discreetly, actually. He doesn’t have to look at it. MATT: Make a stealth check. Or a sleight of hand check. LAURA: Three gold for you. I’ve got one gold left. MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll take it. KHARY: It’s a nine. MATT: Plus what’s your sleight of hand skill? KHARY: Sleight of hand is plus five. MATT: So 14. Make a perception check. SAM: Seven. MATT: Yeah, so you have no idea. He receives the gold and the hand disappears beneath the cloak which is now covering most of his torso and you have no idea where it got put. LAURA: How much silver did you say there was? MATT: Two silver. KHARY: Do I notice her looking at me? I mean, does Anastasia notice her looking at me? MATT: I mean, no more than anybody looks at anybody. KHARY: All right. MATT: The little goblin girl isn’t leering at you. I mean, has been leering at you since you arrived but nothing in a way that catches your attention. KHARY: Nothing out of the ordinary. Very good. Nice to know. MATT: Make an insight check. Roll a d20 and add your insight skill. KHARY: Insight. Nine. Nine plus insight is plus three so, eh. MATT: It’s a 12. I’d say, yeah. No more than usual. KHARY: Right. She’s got awfully big eyes. MATT: As you guys get closer to the exit where this broken, hinged archway was, this double door archway about eight to ten feet wide, a new smell rushes into your nose. Whereas previously it had been just decaying earth and dust there’s now this musky smell that resembles the faint mixture of urine and citrus. It’s hard to place, but it’s new and it’s different than the rest of the mines you’ve been through. LIAM: It’s a step up for me. SAM: We got all the ears? LAURA: We got all the ears. Should we search for more survivors and then burn it to the ground? LIAM: Like the mine? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Burn the mine to the ground? Under the ground? LAURA: Well, we can explode it. TALIESIN: You can. KHARY: I appreciate your excitability. Why don’t I let the bird do the talking? LAURA: You mean search for people? KHARY: That’s what I meant, baby. Thank you. MATT: (humming) You watch at the Duchess makes her way further down the tunnel. SAM: As the Duchess flies away, I push on Shakäste’s body a little bit and see if I get any reaction. MATT: You feel this tiny goblin hand push on you. There does not seem to be a reaction. SAM: I’m going to pick the pocket of Shakäste. MATT: As you’re focused currently to the vision of your– you do not sense– KHARY: I do not sense a thing? MATT: You do not because currently all of your senses are through your familiar. So unfortunately no. KHARY: That’s fine by me. TALIESIN: Do any of us notice this? SAM: I will use sleight of hand to conceal this from the group. MATT: You will have to, so make a sleight of hand check. SAM: Okay. Yeah, okay, that’s not great. LIAM: Our guests are like farm animals that we mine for loot. SAM: 14. MATT: 14. Nobody has a passive perception higher than a 13, I think. MARISHA and LAURA: Mine’s 13. TRAVIS: Negative. TALIESIN: Yep. 13. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: Horrible bastard. MATT: Go ahead and mark nine gold pieces off of your total and you take nine gold. SAM: I’m going for that pouch. MATT: The whole pouch? KHARY: You’re going for the whole– Wait, I wouldn’t feel the entire pouch being pulled off of my– MATT: You don’t, unfortunately, because your senses. Well wait, no, it’s sight and hearing, isn’t it? LIAM: It’s sight and hearing for Find Familiar. MATT: That’s right! I take it back. He didn’t react to you being touched earlier, but I need you to go ahead and make a perception check. LIAM: Nah, it’s pretty good. KHARY: 13. MATT: Plus what is your perception skill? KHARY: Plus insight or–? LIAM: There it is, 16. KHARY: Perception? 16. MATT: After the initial pat, you were focused, it didn’t bother much. You feel your belt tug a bit and you feel suddenly the back of your armor begin to get a little lighter as your pouch is noticeably being removed from your person. SAM: He doesn’t know by whom! MATT: No. SAM: Just knows that it’s happening? MATT: It’s happening. SAM: And can’t react? MATT: I mean, he can if he chooses too. SAM: Oh god. MATT: Shakäste, do you want to do anything? MARISHA: You have a height that’s very identifiable. It’s a very recognizable level you’re on. KHARY: No, I don’t want to do anything. MATT: You undo the pouch and now have it in your possession. As you’re focusing through the Duchess’s vision, beyond the broken doorway the tunnel grows rougher as you sense that the deeper shafts of the mines are coming to an end fairly soon. The scent the Duchess is picking up is strong, that weird musky smell. After about 100 feet of it snaking a little bit forward, through ten, 15 foot wide tunnels, suddenly the tunnel opens, into a large, rocky alcove formation, stalactites from the ceiling, and some elements of broken digging equipment around the corners of this chamber. The uneven ceilings stand about 15 to 20 feet tall within in places, and are scarred with pick marks from various attempts to meet the end of the mine, which apparently were not enough to keep the mine in business. A rough slope descends from the immediate entrance to this tunnel, hits the wall before it, rises a few feet past that to a smaller platform that meets the opposite side of the wall, about 70 or 80 feet to the other side. The chamber’s about 80-foot from where you enter to the opposite end. Near the base of the raised rock you see two humanoid figures, sitting against each other, bound tightly in ropes and above the platform on top, you see a figure you haven’t seen yet. Human-like, but seems to have large chunks of gnoll flesh strapped to their body, like they used a disembodied gnoll arm as a glove, a gnoll head with the jaw removed and hollowed out used as a hood. There is this individual carrying baubles and chains of some symbols across their neck and they’re spattered with blood. They’re standing at the top, currently holding a third humanoid figure who is bound in ropes, and dragging them up the stairs to this platform on the opposite end. Next to this gnoll-wearing priestly-like figure, you see the figure in their arm is a guard, one of the Crownsguard of Alfield. You don’t recognize him at a glance, but you can see they are currently still living, bloodied and are being dragged up to the top of this platform. You can see right at the top of this raised section a monstrous mound of broken wood, rope, burlap and scrap from nearby within the mine that has been amassed into this large pile. At that moment a majority of the mound begins to move and shift, as two large, brown red, leathery wings unfurl from the mound. Where a fur-covered body steps out. Is the Duchess going to stay and continue to watch? KHARY: I can explain what is happening as she sees. MATT: You can. You are describing this verbally to everybody? KHARY: Yes, absolutely. LAURA: What should we do? What should we do? KHARY: We should wait and see what else unfurls in this thing. MATT: This creature stands up from within this pile, you can now see this large, lion-like body and torso the size of a rhinoceros, massive and muscled, with giant clawed paws. Around the neck you see this thick, red, fiery mane of hair and a humanoid female face, dark and tanned, with this large, curled grin. The mouth that opens and hangs with rows of sharp teeth, but weirdly humanoid in appearance. It turns its head towards this priestly figure, who thrusts the guard to the front and says “Come, gifted mother. Feed and may you grow strong. Your strength is a boon from Yeenoghu, and one that will bring us much more meat in the time to come,” and kicks the guard forward. This large beast turns, and inspects the frightened, shaking, and sobbing guard. “Your god meats hold me to nothing, but your offer pleases me and my child.” As the beast stands up further in this pile of rough, found pieces of wood and twine, a small infant of its same species seems to be wound up and begins to mewl in its place. It’s pawing at the air, its eyes not even freshly opened. This creature steps forward and bites into the Crownsguard and lifts it up as he begins to scream. The rest of you hear the echoing screaming in the distance of the Crownsguard. LAURA: I think that means he ate him! MATT: As it begins to bite and crunch, pulling its jaw open, it tears it into two halves and begins to chew on the upper torso. The screaming has stopped. SAM: Get your medical kit ready. LAURA: Don’t think it’s going to help. KHARY: There are two people left? MATT: There are two people left in the room and you can look around the vicinity. It looks like there were more people in here that have probably been fed over the past hour. KHARY: This sacrifice will not end. First, Duchess come back to me. LAURA: Should we go in? KHARY: We should talk. This is going to take a minute. MATT: Thankfully, nobody seems to notice Duchess’s presence as Duchess retracts back into your chamber. TALIESIN: How flammable is that nest? LAURA: I meant it’s– KHARY: How far is the nest away? MATT: It’s past 100 feet of tunnel before it opens up into the chamber, which is another 80 feet from the entrance. SAM: How big was the chamber? LIAM: 80 feet. SAM: Oh my god. MATT: To give you a visual. SAM: A visual? Matt, there’s too many maps! TALIESIN: (Singing) Too many maps! Too many maps! KHARY: Oh look at this thing! MATT: So you can prepare. SAM: That– What?! SAM: That is upper level shit! LAURA: What are we doing? We’re level three! What are we doing? We got to go in, we got to throw some dynamite, get the people out, and run! KHARY: We got one stick. LAURA: We got two sticks! TRAVIS: I don’t see any support columns. I’m just going to say it. TALIESIN: No, we hit the nest. Set the nest on fire and it’ll run. TRAVIS: Yeah. You got to get pretty danger close to do that, though. I’ve got to stand up and look, make sure there’s no damn holes. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, good point. Yep! MATT: No holes in the chamber from what you can see. TRAVIS: That’s the baby, the little thing. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay, no load bearing support columns that we can see right? MATT: Not that you can see, no. There are various portions in the ceiling that are stalactites. It looks like it’s the deepest part of the mine, which is the roughest, which means it does not have a lot of support structure built into it for the miners. This like it’s as deep as they got before they abandoned it from the veins dried up. TRAVIS: Before shit started going wrong? MATT: This mine has been long abandoned. The recent occupants seem to have discovered it, and taken it their own. KHARY: Well, personally I’m a fan of freedom of religion, but that’s got its limits. TALIESIN: It’s fair to draw a line at human sacrifice. KHARY: I think so. TALIESIN: Yeah. Let’s– SAM: We can’t possibly kill whatever that beast is. LIAM: I don’t know, maybe not on our own, two at a time. I’m pretty tapped, but there’s a lot of us here and only a few of them there, according to our new friend. SAM: But there’s only two survivors in there, right? TRAVIS: Two survivors and two enemies, right? MARISHA: Yeah, but what happens if they get sacrificed? SAM: No, I mean, what if we just get the survivors out and leave? MARISHA: I think that’s smart. KHARY: I tend to agree with my little friend. LAURA: And we steal the baby. LIAM: We could also try and seal the cave behind us as we go? TALIESIN: Sealing the cave would be one thing, I think stealing the baby is going to be a bit of a– TRAVIS: I love your enthusiasm, but I tend to agree with Molly here. Maybe the baby just stays put? MARISHA: If we can get the baby, I bet it would fetch a high price. SAM: A baby should be with its mother. LAURA: Yeah. We might kill the mom though, or bury it. TRAVIS: I think I’m okay with that. SAM: As long as they are close to each other. TRAVIS: It just ate a Crownsguard in half. LAURA: Let’s get it out, and then collapse the tunnel leading to it. Then they can get stuck in this room. MARISHA: All right. LIAM: Could we do a quick inventory check of how much of these boom sticks that we have, the TNT? LAURA: We have one and one. KHARY: I have one. LIAM: We have more than one? You have one? KHARY: I have one. LIAM: We have one amongst. Okay. LAURA: We should make our way towards this, though. They’re going to get to the next hostage by the time we get to this room, cause we’re 100 feet away from it still. TALIESIN: We make our way. LAURA: Start walking. TALIESIN: Stealthy walk. LAURA: Stealthily. MATT: You guys all making an approach? SAM: Stealthily. MATT: Roll stealth, please. LAURA: Who needs a blessing? Caleb, you need a blessing! LIAM: It would help. LAURA: You’re shitty at stealth right? LIAM: I’m pretty shitty at stealth. LAURA: I bless you. TALIESIN: I’m pretty iffy. KHARY: 19! LIAM: Plus? KHARY: Plus five. LIAM: Thank you, Jester, for saving my ass because the first roll was a four. The second one was a 15. TRAVIS: Are there steps? MATT: Yes, right there. LAURA: Oh, they’re real close to them. MATT: All right so, marching order please. LIAM and LAURA: I’m in the back! SAM: Wait, what’s our plan? TALIESIN: We’re going to make a bunch of noise, we’re going to throw some dynamite, we’re going to get the kids to run and we’re going to keep them distracted by threatening the baby. SAM: That’s not a plan. TALIESIN: Yes, it is a plan! SAM: No, to kill or to capture the– LAURA: We get the guards out, we get the people out. SAM: Get the guards out and run? So who are we leaving back with the sticks? LAURA: Oh, we’re all going to be in there. MATT: What is the marching order? TALIESIN: We will throw the sticks. MARISHA: I’ll go up front with Fjord. SAM: No! We should use the sticks to blow up narrow passage way so they can’t get out! TALIESIN: Well, we have two sticks. SAM: We should use them both! TALIESIN: If we run, then we’ll drop the sticks. MATT: Nott, where are you? SAM: I’m in the middle. MATT: I’ll put you in front of Caleb. Molly, are you next to Beau? TALIESIN: Yeah, anywhere that– I don’t want to be in the front front, but I’ll be in the middle. TRAVIS: Who are our two strongest? Jester? LIAM: Jester and Beau. MARISHA: Well, I’m dexy. LIAM: Yeah, you’ve got dex. MARISHA: But I’m not strong. But I’m dextrous. It depends on what we’re talking about. Are we doing anything with strength checks? Oh! Dragging people away? Is that what we’re talking about? SAM: Are the good guys unconscious? MATT: They’re conscious, they’re just tied up to each other. SAM: Oh. Shit, so two people need to be on drag duty. KHARY: We could cut them free? TRAVIS: We’re going to have to keep them busy. LAURA: You need to sneak in and you need to try to unhook the ropes, okay? SAM: I could try to untie them. LAURA: You stealth around. They won’t even know that you’re there while we’re attacking. Untie the guards and then we all run. KHARY: Could we distract them with maybe a Thaumaturgy or Spiritual Weapon? LAURA: Spiritual Weapon is really good if you have that, that’s very badass. MATT: You can certainly try, it’s up to you guys. KHARY: I think Spiritual Weapon could make a lot of noise and call a lot of attention, and then maybe you could sneak through. TALIESIN: You could do two Spiritual Weapons if you’re feeling it. LAURA: I know, but then I have no spells left. I got a first level, y'all! KHARY: I think, because I used Aid, I think I’ve got– MATT: You have one 2nd-level spell and you have three 1st-level, I believe. KHARY: Yes. No, I’ve got two 1st-levels, because I used Thunderwave and Command. MATT: That’s correct. You have two 1st-levels, you have three spells left. KHARY: Why don’t we use– okay, here’s the thing. If we start with Spiritual Weapon, we lure their gaze to this side of the area and then if this beautiful young lady could find her way around the other side to free the two– SAM: I can sneak in down to those stalagmites. KHARY: Yes. LAURA: She should sneak in before you do Spiritual Weapon, otherwise it’s going to make them aware that something’s going on. The Spiritual Weapon will definitely alert them to our presence. KHARY: The Spiritual Weapon goes off, giving the people a chance to run out of the place. LAURA: Yeah. You make that Spiritual Weapon appear right next to them. You can hit them immediately. KHARY: Right. LAURA: You do it right when we do the surprise attack. You sneak in. SAM: Yes. MARISHA: The rest of us can be on distraction duty, yeah? Until we go. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Nott? LAURA: Are you good to sneak? I’m going to bless you. SAM: Okay. LAURA: Before you go sneaking around the side. SAM: Can I have a ball bearing, please? MARISHA: Sure. You can have a few. I hand him a handful. SAM: Thank you. MARISHA: Did you just want that because it’s shiny? SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Oh, Nott. (laughter) SAM: I will cast Mage Hand and hold one ball bearing. I’m getting ready to move stealthily. MATT: If I can have all of you who are approaching to make a stealth check, please. LIAM: Also, DM– SAM: In addition to the one we just made? MATT: Sorry, the one you just made. Sorry, so what was were those scores? SAM: 23. MATT: 23. LAURA: You get advantage, when you go into the room, just in case of a natural 20. LIAM: I will also say, and I’ll do this a lot, Dancing Lights is in effect behind us. 20 feet behind us, waiting. MATT: All right. Interesting point of order, this human that you see, this priest. Pitch black, sees fine. LIAM: Sees– (groans) Okay. MATT: Does have a set of, as they’ve walked into this chamber– although you would have seen this. LIAM: I did not see that. MATT: Actually, yeah. You’re the only one who would notice something. You don’t see anything, never mind. All right, so– KHARY: Say that again. MATT: You didn’t notice anything in particular, other than just seeing this scene. Nothing at all. You know nothing! So stealth is 23. LAURA: 13. TALIESIN: Nine. TRAVIS: 18. MARISHA: 19. MATT: All right. LIAM: Did you know that you can’t see? KHARY: I’m blind. LAURA: Caleb, what’s your stealth roll? LIAM: Oh. It was really good. It was a 16 total. MATT: 16. What did you roll for stealth check? SAM: How do you see things? LIAM: The bird. KHARY: The bird, baby, the bird. LIAM: That’s hot. MATT: Shakäste, what’s your stealth check please? KHARY: My stealth check. Oh, my stealth check was 19. MATT: 19, okay. TALIESIN: I’m the only problem. MATT: Yeah, which is good because that means the rest of the group picked up for you. KHARY: That’s right, it’s 24. MATT: As you guys approach, those of you who can see in the dark, you can’t quite see your quarry. You’d have to get closer in because I believe it’s a 60 foot darkvision radius for most of you guys. Which means you can see to about there. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: We suck. SAM: I can see the stalagmites? KHARY: I believe Anastasia could fly in and hide behind the stalagmite. MATT: You can. Make a stealth check for your hummingbird. LIAM: Come on birdy. Ooh! Good. KHARY: All right, 15 plus– No, I’m sorry. LIAM: It’s 15. KHARY: It’s 15 plus five. MATT: Natural one and a four on their perception. Nobody sees your bird’s arrival. LAURA: Come on, Nott, go. SAM: (scampering feet) MATT: All right Nott, so you rush in? SAM: Yeah. I’m going to– Mage Hand’s already cast. MATT: Yeah, and what’s the range on that one? SAM: 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet, so you can keep it out as far as that. Yeah, it’s fine. All right, so you come in there. Where are you holding the ball bearing? SAM: I’m going to drop the ball bearing right at the edge of that stair so it (tings). MATT: As that happens, you watch as both the priest and the large beast at this time– which now that we’re getting closer and we’re seeing the form, I probably should’ve asked this of you earlier: go ahead and make a general nature check. SAM: Who me? MATT: Both of you guys. LIAM: It’s alphabetical right on the list. Ooh. KHARY: 19. LIAM: Plus? KHARY: Nature? Plus one. SAM: 15. KHARY: 20. MATT: You notice it, but you, after getting a closer view of its form as your hummingbird gets in close, you can, “I know what this is.” This is a manticore. The wings are scary, the teeth are scary, the spines on its tail are scarier. KHARY: It has spines in its tail. MATT: You’ve heard rumors of such things being flung as a weapon and regrown quickly and begin to suddenly remember the spines that were affixed to the armor of the gnoll leader and the glaive. You rush in and have this moment of remembrance as you begin to curl forward, stealthing around the side as the ball bearing (ting ting ting). Both the priest and the manticore whip over in that direction. The priest pulls a glove on its hand that’s a dull red color that begins to sparkle and glow at the tips of the fingers, and tightens it on its hand and begins to step down the stairs a bit in the direction of that. SAM: I’m going behind those stalagmites over there. MATT: Over here? SAM: No, like– MATT: Over here? SAM: Yeah. LAURA: All the way around. MATT: Okay. Whereas the female manticore, (flapping). The wind picks up and dust begins to spiral and briefly obfuscates the area. The manticore flies; with an impact, lands on the opposite side, right where the ball bearing is and (sniffs). “Company.” All right, what are you guys doing? SAM: I’m going straight for the Mage Hand to untie them. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check from a distance. Well, this would be a straight dexterity check. Roll dexterity, not sleight of hand. SAM: Dexterity check. MATT: Add your dexterity modifier. SAM: 18. MATT: 18. With a quick, rapid movement of your Mage Hand, you watch as the ropes on one come free. One of them (breathing heavily) looks at their hands and doesn’t know exactly what happened but is apparently now free of the ropes. LIAM: Are we in a weird in-between combat and non-combat? MATT: Yes. We’re not in combat yet, so what are you guys doing? LIAM: I would like to hug the wall and slide along it. I would like to think I can hear my friends breathing– and stop, yeah that’s good– and hold my action, and if anything comes this way that is not my friends to cast Burning Hands as a tripwire. I’m the tripwire. MATT: Within range you mean? LIAM: Yeah, of course within range. MATT: All righty, anybody else? What are you preparing for? LAURA: Got nothing. MARISHA: Waiting to beat face. MATT: You’re all staying right there? TRAVIS: I mean, no. MARISHA: Should we creep forward a little? What should we do? TRAVIS: Yeah. We’re going to have to fan. MARISHA: I guess Fjord and I will take a good ten feet or so up. LAURA: They might see you. SAM: Yeah, you’re going closer? LAURA: You’re getting really close to the manticore. SAM: Jesus. LIAM: Yeah, maybe the other side of the tunnel so they don’t see you. TALIESIN: He’s got a distance weapon anyway, there’s really no such thing as a bad– LIAM: You can see me doing this. MARISHA: Will you put Fjord towards me? MATT: Oh, this way? LIAM: Yeah, pull him to the other side. They’re seeing me do arcane bullshit on the side while sweating. MATT: Anybody else preparing? LAURA: I’ll stand next to Caleb on the inside. MATT: All right. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I’m really, at this point, only useful for a couple things. I’m going to keep in the back there. MATT: Okay. Shakäste, anything? TALIESIN: I got my Vicious Mockery rolling. KHARY: I would like for Anastasia to fly to the other side of the room. MATT: Whereabout? KHARY: No those stalagmites over– yeah, there you go. Hide in those crags over there by the– that’s it. Keep a good eye. Good girl. MATT: (humming drone) All righty. The manticore begins to clomp up the steps. TRAVIS: Airborne? MATT: No, on foot at the moment like (impact sounds). MARISHA: We’ll just wait for Nott. Go Nott go. KHARY: When do I go? MATT: Well, right now as the manticore crests the top of the stairs, the large, joker-like, toothy grin of the female manticore glances up right towards all of you and goes (growls). LIAM: I attack her. MATT: It’s not within range of you yet. LIAM: Not within range? Then I don’t do it yet. MATT: You’re holding it and it’s not close enough. I need you all to roll initiative now. LIAM: Wow. My initiative is such dick. All night long. All campaign long, let’s be honest. TALIESIN: I did okay. LIAM: Oh my gosh. At the end as always. MATT: We have 25 to 20 anybody? TALIESIN: 22. TRAVIS 20. MATT: Nice. We have Molly. TALIESIN: Are we going to redo the initiative flags? MATT: And Fjord. 20 to 15? LAURA: 18. SAM: 17. MATT: Nice. Jester and Nott. You have Molly, Fjord, Jester, Nott, and the manticore. Then 15 to ten? KHARY: Pass me Shakäste. MATT: Ten to five? LIAM: Acht. MATT: All righty. We have– LIAM: There’s people after my eight? MATT: Well, simultaneously with the priest. KHARY: I am a five. MATT: Five (groans). MARISHA: I’m a nine. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: It’s okay, I got you. At this point, top of the round: Molly, you’re up. TRAVIS: I have no idea what the order was. TALIESIN: Vicious Mockery. MATT: It’s Molly, Fjord, Jester, Nott, the manticore, Beau, then Caleb and the priest together, then Shakäste. TALIESIN: Vicious Mockery on the manticore. MATT: All righty, 12. TALIESIN: I don’t actually know what it’s rolling against. What is it against? MATT: It’s eight plus two, which is your proficiency bonus, which is ten. Plus your wisdom modifier. What is your wisdom modifier? TALIESIN: My wisdom modifier, I believe it’s three. MATT: It would be 13, so it hits, yeah. TALIESIN: All right! That’s one point of psychic damage and it has disadvantage on the next attack. (rasping) You should leave and protect the child. Trying to– MATT: All right, the female face grins even wider, the eyes narrow (growls). TALIESIN: I’m going to back up. MATT: It seems like it shakes its head a bit. It seems strangely wounded briefly, but then grins at the prospect of a new meal. TALIESIN: I’m backing up a little bit. I’m going to step back ten feet. MATT: You move back ten feet to there. TALIESIN: Yeah, backing up. MATT: That brings us to Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: Can I move forward and end up right over there? MATT: Right there? TRAVIS: Yeah and end up on his flank melee, please. MATT: Put you right there. TRAVIS: I will unleash the full fury of my falchion into his side. MATT: With the blade drawn– TRAVIS: Two-handed. MATT: Right. Shakäste, as you watch, the half-orc, Fjord, suddenly emerges from his hand out of nowhere, this flash of greenish-blue energy and a splash of water spatters across the ground as a slightly curved at the tip falchion appears that has a cluster of barnacles along the base of it and slowly curling up the blade and sea water dripping off of it at all times leaving a trail of liquid. TRAVIS: 23. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: Yeah! MATT: This thing is pretty big, it’s not too hard to hit comparatively. TRAVIS: 13 points of damage. Slashing damage. LIAM: What did you roll to hit? TRAVIS: The ten, two-handed. That is it. MATT: All righty, that ends your turn. It’s now Jester’s turn. LAURA: I’m going to run around to the other side of it. This is so dumb. MATT: (counting) 30. Are you getting within melee of it? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: There you go. SAM: Oh my god, are you going to hit it with your sickle or whatever? LAURA: I’m going to hit it with my sickle or whatever! MATT: Roll for attack. MARISHA: Do it girl! LIAM: Those arrows are long gone. LAURA: Natural one! MATT: As you rush around the corner, out of the corner of its eye it sees you. As it spins its giant, spined tail which you can see now which looks like a porcupine filled with javelins. Rushes past and slams into your shoulder. As you do, your sickle flies out of your hand and clatters across the ground and hits the floor at the bottom of the stairs. That is where your sickle currently is. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: End of your turn, Jester? TALIESIN: Bonus action, anything? TRAVIS: Bonus action to run your ass. LAURA: I’m going to just dance in place. MATT: All righty. Nott, your turn. SAM: Bonus action, use the Mage Hand to untie the other one. MATT: All right, make another dexterity check. SAM: 19 plus four. MATT: With that the other person’s rope falls free and they’re both out of their ropes. They’re both looking at the only exit that is currently blocked by this giant manticore creature. They look scared and have no idea what’s happening. They haven’t seen you. For some reason their ropes have dropped and they’re scared shitless. They aren’t guards. These two look like civilians and they’re having a really rough time. SAM: (sighs) Should I waste my action on this shit? I’m still hidden, yeah? MATT: As far as you know. TALIESIN: There’s also another dude. SAM: Another dude? Oh, you mean the bad guy. MATT: There’s the priest. SAM: Yeah. Not another good guy. SAM: Ah fuck. I’m going to use Message and point to one of the guards that I just untied. MATT: They’re not guards, they’re civilians. SAM: Or whatever, the civilians and say to him: The second after the priest casts a spell, grab your friend and run. MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: Nine. MATT: Okay, you deliver the message. That’s as far as you know. SAM: Then for my movement I’m going to tuck in even tighter. MATT: Okay. All right that finishes your turn. It is now the manticore’s go. It is going to make three attacks, a bite and two claw attacks. It’s going to make two claw attacks. Actually, it’s going to make one sweeping claw attack at Jester from behind and then a bite and a claw attack at you, since you’re right in front of it and already struck it with your falchion. TALIESIN: First one’s disadvantage. MATT: First one’s at disadvantage, which would be against Jester as you rush past. That is a 17, and a 19. LAURA: Hits me. MATT: Yeah, it hits you, that’s without bonuses, unfortunately. You take from the first strike nine points of slashing damage, as it (woosh). It rolled high, a nine again. Then two strikes against you. LAURA: I’m going to cast Hellish Rebuke at it as soon as it does it. MATT: Okay, what’s the save? It was a natural 20 on you Fjord, unfortunately. The other claw attack. TRAVIS: Oh player, I’ve got the Armor of Agathys on. MARISHA: Oh, that’s right! LAURA: It doesn’t say on my thing. It’s a dex save. MATT: A dex save, all right. That is a 12. LAURA: Oh! MATT: So that hits? All right, go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: 3d10! I’m going to say in Infernal– SAM: 3d10? LAURA: I’m going to say– LIAM: All tens, come on. MATT: 2d10. LAURA: No, 3d10 because it’s cast at 2nd-level when you’re doing Hellish Rebuke. MATT: Oh, right, yeah. LAURA: Okay, 13. MATT: 13 points of damage. Of cold damage. LAURA: Yeah, in Infernal I say, Oh, you’re such a cute kitty! MATT: With an awkward flick of her wrist, you watch as this wave of ice spike energy flies outward and pierces the side of the manticore’s body as it rotates and breaks the ice off of its torso. In doing so, it spins around with its other claw and strikes right into Fjord with a natural 20. It rolled a one on the fucking damage die, so you’re fucking lucky on that, that’s twice in this game. It’s kind of disappointing on my end, but it’s fine. So that’s five points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: And he’ll take ten points of cold damage. MATT: That’s right. MARISHA: So. Sick. TALIESIN: We’re at our best when we’re losing. MATT: As it strikes with its second claw attack against you and the ice cracks, and it looks at you and the mouth opens wide and you can see where three separate rows of teeth like this horrible shark maw. As it reaches forward to bite towards you, the head itself about maybe this wide, the jaw can almost clamp down onto your waist, Jurassic Park style. That’s going to be a 16 to hit. TRAVIS: 16 hits. LAURA: Oh no! LIAM: Where’s your AC? TRAVIS: 14. LIAM: You’re Grog! TRAVIS: Nope. MATT: That’s ten points of piercing damage from the bite to you. TRAVIS: Great, he takes another ten points of cold damage, as my Armor of– MATT: She. TRAVIS: She, thank you. As my Armor of Agathys. MATT: Interesting, in this quick series of hits, she’s doing fine, but this is an unexpected burst of damage and you can see harrying’s starting to show. A powerful creature can do some powerful damage, but is showing a little bit of wear and tear. With that, the manticore is going to take to the sky. TALIESIN: (singing) Take to the sky! MATT: It’s going to fly up. LAURA: Do we get an attack of opportunity? MATT: You both do, yes. LAURA: Ah, I’m going to kick it. MATT: You can punch it, make an attack. LAURA: No, I don’t hit it! MATT: What did you roll? LAURA: I rolled a three! TRAVIS: Do I get an attack? MATT: You do, yes. TRAVIS: I don’t think that’s going to hit either, that’s an eight. MATT: Nope, you both, (whoosh). The giant gust of wind from the wings flapping push you away and you have to block your vision to keep the dust out of the way. Finishing the manticore’s turn, it is now Beau’s go. MARISHA: Okay, well it took off flying, so that sucks. LIAM: You can’t even see it. MARISHA: I feel kind of like Grog. what can I do with that? TRAVIS: Welcome to my fucking three years. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s lame. I don’t know what to do. I’ll move forward and hold my action for light. MATT: How far are you going to move forward? 20 feet? MARISHA: Oh, where’s the priest? But I can’t see the priest, it’s dark in here. MATT: You’re seeing faint flashes of light. Actually, you don’t see any light, because no one’s cast any spells, it’s all been combat, so it’s just darkness and you hear roars and slams and impacts. You’re like, (worried noise). MARISHA: I’m going to move behind Jester, and I’ll just dodge as my action, there’s not a lot I can do. MATT: Okay, that finishes your turn, Caleb and the priest are going simultaneously. What are you doing? LIAM: So this has happened like six times now, where I go right after Beau, so Dancing Lights, excuse me. MATT: Well first off, the spell you prepared, never went off, so the spell is gone, it’s used. LIAM: Of course. MATT: So the spell’s gone, so you lose one of those. LIAM: So instead, Dancing Light. I’m going to do the same line of light that I always do because Beauregard needs to be able to kill things and see. One goes far as here, and here, and here probably. MATT: You have enough to generally light most of the chamber. LIAM: It’s always a line spread out. MATT: Perfect. That’s your action? LIAM: No, I’m also going to back up about 15 feet as well. Then I’m going to crouch because I’m frightened. MATT: Okay. That comes to the priest’s turn. The priest is going to step forward angrily, and is going to attempt to cast Hold Person on you. SAM: Joke’s on him, that’s not a person. It’s a half-orc. MATT: Half-orcs are people too, Sam. Make a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: Wisdom saving throw. Big modifier of nothing. Six. MATT: With that, you feel your muscles lock up, your entire body freezes in place as you feel your entire physical self lock up, unable to move. LIAM: He done been bifurcated. LAURA: He done been paralyzed. MATT: All right. The priest is going to go ahead and take two steps back after casting that, and hide behind– LAURA: (singing) Two steps forward– ALL: (singing) Two steps back. MATT: Caleb, that finishes your turn as well. Shakäste, you’re up. KHARY: Let’s see, we don’t need light anymore. LIAM: Save us. KHARY: I think we need a bigger mode of damage. I think rather than Spiritual Weapon, we need to go with the Thunderwave again. LAURA: Oh, the spell. LIAM: That’s a very short range, though. MATT: Yeah, it’s a 15-foot square. LIAM: You can’t get close enough to anybody on that map to use it. MATT: Yeah, the manticore is about 15 feet up in the air right now, so it’s just out of the range. KHARY: Ah, so I can’t get to it. LAURA: Spiritual Weapon stays on the field. Once you cast it, it’s out there in every single turn, for a bonus action you can attack. MATT: I will say, Spiritual Weapon, as far as I know– let me see here real fast. It’s pretty great. LIAM: Do you have a level one left? KHARY: I do have a level one. MATT: It says a floating spectral creature, it doesn’t specify if that it can or cannot move up and down, so I would imagine you could create it in the air if you want. LIAM: I think these are your best options: either a floating weapon that can go anywhere, or a big fog cloud, if you run up and put it on the priest, or up there. I think probably Spiritual Weapon. KHARY: I think Spiritual Weapon because the thing is, is that I can move it from one to the other. LIAM: You can adjust. KHARY: Spiritual Weapon. MATT: Do you move forward to cast it? KHARY: Yes, let’s see, I will stay in the hallway. MATT: How far, there? KHARY: Yeah, right about there. MATT: You’re creating it at the base of the manticore, or further in the chamber, or where? KHARY: Oh, I would love to drum the underside of her. MATT: Easily enough to do. What kind of weapon do you create? LIAM: Decide what it is. A lollipop, a salmon, a sword? LAURA: Don’t give– Let him decide. MATT: What magical, mystical weapon would you like to create that represents your attack on this creature? LIAM: Nunchucks. KHARY: I would– LIAM: Have fun. KHARY: (laughs) The first thing that I was thinking, for some reason, was I would like to materialize the awe-inspiring sass of Estelle Getty, and pummel the stomach– TALIESIN: Oh man. TRAVIS: What the fuck. KHARY: That’s all right. That might be a little bit too out there, so– TRAVIS: It’s not. MATT: What do you want to do? LIAM: It could be a cudgel carved to look like Estelle Getty if you wanted it to be. KHARY: You know what? The sassiest of the Golden Girls– I think because my lovely daughter, literally– It was 120 days into the school year, and she dressed like a 120-year-old woman today, my six-year-old daughter. I think that the bust of a tiny curly-headed 120-year-old woman needs to slam its way into the torso of that manticore. LIAM: Like a Beethoven bust, but Estelle Getty! MATT: Estelle Getty begins to bludgeon itself into this creature. I love it. KHARY: Into that thing right there. That’s right. Mya, you should be in bed, but this is for you, baby. MATT: Go ahead and roll a melee spell attack. Roll that and add five to it. KHARY: 13. 18. MATT: That hits. Roll the damage on that one. It is 1d8 plus three. LIAM: That’s the d8, yeah. MATT: Roll that and add three. KHARY: Ah! One. MATT: Still, four points of damage. Nothing to scoff at, and it’s still out there without concentration. LIAM: That’s true. MATT: Do you want to move anywhere, or you going to stay put? KHARY: Let’s see. I am going to remain where I am. MATT: Good to know. Finishing that, top of the round. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Again, there’s not much I can do– I’m going to step in front of Caleb, in an attempt to be another target, and I’m going to try again with Vicious Mockery. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Thank you for being a friend. MATT: A two. It does not succeed. TALIESIN: Yeah. (rasping) You are going to be buried here! I hit him again. Four points of psychic damage. MATT: All right, four points of psychic damage, and first attack has disadvantage. TALIESIN: First attack has disadvantage. I’m going to be in front of Caleb. MATT: Cool, sounds good. That’s the end of your turn, Molly. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Oh, I’m up? I’m a Hold Person! MATT: Yep, so roll a wisdom saving throw to see if you can resist it. TRAVIS: Nope! MATT: Nope, you’re still locked in place. TRAVIS: Fuck that die. LAURA: Can you do anything while you’re paralyzed? MATT: Nope. Nothing. That ends Fjord’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to Sacred Flame the priest. MATT: Okay. Is it a wisdom saving throw? LAURA: Sacred Flame is a dexterity saving throw. MATT: Dexterity save. That is a ten. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: 12, sorry. LAURA: Doesn’t matter! Still hit! Six damage of radiant. MATT: Six damage of radiant. As it’s right behind– it’s trying to block around the pillar, but you still have a clear visual as you concentrate on the symbol of the Traveler hidden beneath your outfit. You focus and there’s a burst of energy that burns around its body– LAURA: Pink energy. MATT: Pink energy that sparkles around him as he looks over towards you and he continues to try and crouch behind the stalagmite. LAURA: Is Hold Person concentration? MATT: It is, so he has to make a concentration check. Which he fails? That’s an 11? No, it’s a ten. No, it succeeds. Just barely succeeds. The DC is ten. Sorry! He rolled a nine, but he has a plus one constitution. Sorry. TALIESIN: That’s ten. MATT: Yeah, he succeeded. He has to meet the DC or higher. But good try. TALIESIN: You still have movement, too. LAURA: Oh, I can move. MATT: Yes, you can. TALIESIN: You could go get your sickle. LAURA: Oh yeah, that’s right! I could run down and grab my sickle, why not? SAM: Wait, so the boys didn’t get up and run as soon as the priest made his move? MATT: No, not yet, unfortunately. SAM: They’re just lying there? MATT: Well, they’re coming around for their turn. LAURA: Oh, that’s right. They can’t just move. MARISHA: Save yourself! TALIESIN: This is why you don’t plan, Sam! This is why we don’t plan! Because plans go wrong. MATT: You have your sickle, you still have more movement if you wanted to move. You have ten more feet. Or 15 more feet. LAURA: I’m going to run up and engage the priest. MATT: All right. You’re right up in his face. That ends your turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: What to do? MATT: Gnollish priest. Regular gnoll, regular gnoll. SAM: I will run right past those two guards. As I go by, I say: Get the fuck out of here! (laughter) MATT: They watch as a tiny goblin with jagged teeth yells at them as they run by. However, there are more scary things in the current vicinity. You rush past, and they’re two civilians, not guards, but continue. SAM: Oh, sorry. No, I’m going to keep calling them guards. MATT: I’m okay with that. They’re guards from your perspective. All right, so you run past. SAM: Bonus action dash up the steps. TALIESIN: Are you going to go for it? LAURA: Get the baby. MARISHA: Oh my god, are you going for it? SAM: I’m going to turn around and yell at the manticore– MARISHA and TALIESIN: Oh no! MARISHA: Nott the Brave! SAM: You want to save this thing? I will slice down with my short sword on the baby. MATT: Make an attack roll. SAM: Ooh. I mean, 14? MATT: It hits it. It’s a baby. Roll damage. LIAM: Nott’s going to die! SAM: Eight. MATT: It’s helpless, it’s sneak attack. MATT: It can’t do anything. It can’t defend itself. Its eyes aren’t open! SAM: It’s 16. 2d6. No sorry, 17 damage. MATT: As you plunge your short sword down into the mewling, eye-covered cub, it goes still, as the mother manticore flying up in the air turns around to watch this, and gives a (roar)! SAM: (screaming) Get the fuck out of here! ALL: Oh my god! TALIESIN: I take it back! Plan! MATT: Nott, that ends your turn? It’s the manticore’s turn. The manticore, which was about to unleash a triple round of attacks against a paralyzed Fjord, who, while paralyzed, would have all been criticals, strangely saved him and is instead going to dart– LAURA: Does the Spiritual Weapon get a– MATT: It does not, no. At a 50-foot fly speed, land right next to you, Nott, and take a full round of strikes against you. Too angry to worry about tail spines at this point, it’s going all in, physical assault to whatever just murdered its baby. TALIESIN: Disadvantage! MATT: Disadvantage on the first strike. 17 and a natural one. SAM: Miss! MATT: Which, I’ll say, causes it to strike down towards you in fury, and instead its claw gets jammed into the ground, so it gets disadvantage on its second attack. I’m trying to play with natural ones a little more in this campaign. This is the second claw attack against you. A natural 20 and a 17. It hits but it avoids the critical, which is good. LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: That is nine points of slashing damage with the claw. TALIESIN: Are you all right? SAM: So far. MATT: Then the bite attack is going to come towards you. I’m going to give this advantage because you just killed its baby. TRAVIS: Because you killed its baby! MATT: Yeah, that’s going to be a 21. SAM: Sure, that hits. MATT: All righty. There we go, there’s the actual damage die roll. That’s 11 points of piercing damage. LAURA: (gasp) LIAM: Are you up? SAM: (whispers) One point. MATT: Oh shit! (laughter and gasping) TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Oh, fuck. MATT: That ends the manticore’s turn. The civilians get up– SAM: Yeah, leave, motherfuckers! Leave! MATT: And begin to run. (counting) They get that far with the movement and dash. They’re (gasping) tripping and falling, managing to make their way there. They’re both frightened, covered in all sorts of dirt and gore, and running in your direction, trying to get away from whatever’s happening back there. The roar set a further fire in them. All right. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: (moans) SAM: She’s got to grab Fjord! LAURA: Grab Fjord and get out of here. LIAM: Fjord? Nott! Nott’s in danger! LAURA: I know, I’m going to cast– I’m going to cure you. MARISHA: Okay. How far away is Nott from me? MATT: Nott is 40 feet from you. TRAVIS: Or hit the fucking manticore. You got to unfreeze me, too. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to yell at Nott, I’m going to be like: Nott, the fuck?! Then I’m going to take off in a full sprint towards Nott. MATT: (counting) You can get right up to the top of the steps. MARISHA: I’m going to go: the fuck?! I grab you again, and I scoop up Nott, and like a football drill, I dart, and then I’m going to dart all the way back with Nott. Carrying Nott like a football. SAM: You’re going to get the hit. With me, too. MATT: Okay. You scoop up Nott. That means, because you’re carrying another creature, your movement is halved when you run. Are you using– it’s your action to grab and pick him up. MARISHA: Okay. I want to use my Step of the Wind. Ki point. MATT: Ki point, Step of the Wind to run. That moves you and Nott 20 feet. You get Nott to there. The manticore is going to take an attack of opportunity against Nott. MARISHA: Ah, damn it! I was hoping it would be on me! MATT: Of course! The creature doesn’t give a shit about anybody but that little goblin that stabbed its baby. KHARY: You are like holding her and covering her, aren’t you? MATT: That is 19 to hit. SAM: Yeah, that hits. MATT: A bite strike again, that is ten points of piercing damage. SAM: (scream) LAURA: Unconscious. MATT: As you pull Nott away, there’s a sudden tug, and you pull hard and you look back and you watch as you drag Nott out of the teeth of it, grinding across the body, dragging wounds like daggers across Nott’s face and chest. You see blood pour out of each of these scars. MARISHA: The fuck?! I still run. MATT: All right, so you are unconscious and bleeding out. MARISHA: I don’t have a bonus or anything, right? That was everything? MATT: Nope, that’s your whole turn. You used everything for that. End of Beau’s turn. Caleb and the priest are up. LIAM: I saw that, and I walk as far forward as I can with my movement and start stirring the pot on Chromatic Orb. I have one left. I will use ice damage and I will send it out and I knock it off my hand towards the manticore. Come on, please. SAM: The sticks! The dynamite sticks! LIAM: That’s a 25. MATT: 25 hits. Roll damage. LIAM: That is 3d8 cold damage. That is– ooh! 15 total. MATT: 15 points of cold damage. Nice. LIAM: I would have gone as far forward as I can. MATT: You moved up there. It strikes the manticore, a burst of ice that freezes part of the side of the mane and the fur on its body before the fur cracks and the flesh that it impacted cracks. There’s a little bit of muscle exposed beneath the wound left behind from the frost freeze you left on the side of its torso. LIAM: Caleb is breathing very heavily and not looking at the manticore. He’s looking at Nott in Beauregard’s arms. MATT: That ends your turn. The priest, who is currently working on that, going to maintain Hold Person, is going to step up. No, it’s going to– yeah, because you’re right there in front, it’s going to Inflict Wounds on you. LIAM and MARISHA: Ooh! SAM: No problem. MATT: A melee spell attack. Not great. Actually, not bad! That’s a 17. LAURA: 17. MATT: That is your armor class. 17 hits. You take 3d10 points of necrotic damage. LIAM: Oh! Necrotic! Necrotic just follows Laura Bailey. MATT: I know. SAM: It will be like a 12. MATT: That is 14 points of necrotic damage to you. TALIESIN: Oh my god. SAM: Or the exact amount. LAURA: Exact amount. MATT: Oh no! TALIESIN: Fuck fuck fuck. LIAM: Cleric’s down. One of our clerics is down. MATT: You watch as the priest reaches out and grabs onto the armor of Jester, and with a burst of black energy, the veins under Jester’s blue skin begin to pulse with black energy, and she screams out as her eyes loll back and close, and she hits the ground unconscious. MARISHA: She’s next to me, right? TRAVIS: Technically, there are three of us out, because I ain’t moving. MARISHA: I’m next to two unconscious people going (screaming). MATT: Yeah. That ends the priest’s turn. Your turn, Shakäste. LAURA: You have one of the healing potions. LIAM: It’s your call. I will help you with decisions you make. You can get to the front of those stairs. KHARY: Yeah, let’s see, I should move forward. MATT: You have 30 feet to move forward. TRAVIS: If you could put a beat down on the priest, do it. SAM: That will release the Hold Person. TRAVIS: I have a healing potion in my possessions. LIAM: Do you have any spells slots left? KHARY: I think I– SAM: He’s got the Spiritual Weapon. MATT: The Spiritual Weapon can only move 20 feet, though, which will only get it about there, unfortunately. SAM: Damn. LAURA: No, Spiritual Weapon can move 30 feet. MATT: I thought it was 20 on a bonus action. LAURA: Oh, maybe I’m wrong. LIAM and KHARY: The range is 60 feet. MATT: Well, the range of the spell is 60 feet, but then the bonus action to move it is 20 feet and repeat the attack. Sorry, guys. LIAM: No, that’s great. MATT: You can move forward if you want to. Did you want to move forward the rest of your–? KHARY: Yeah, if I move is anything going to get close enough? I could do Sacred Flame. LIAM: That’s all you can do is try to take down the enemies, and we can help. That’s all you can do. KHARY: All I can do is move forward and Sacred Flame the priest. MATT: Okay. That’s a wisdom save, right? KHARY: Yeah, that’s a wisdom save. MATT: That is going to be an 11. Which, your DC is 13, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. KHARY: All right, going to roll damage. Come on. LAURA: Man, hit the fucking priest! KHARY: Three plus– MATT: That’s just three points of damage. Three points of radiant damage. It bursts and he’s still trying to concentrate on the spell. He does make a constitution saving throw. That’s an eight. That’s a failure. The DC is ten. With that, your paralysis ends. TALIESIN: Oh, thank god! MATT: Yeah, it’s either half the damage or ten, whichever is higher. With that, you blast it, and he loses the spell, and all of a sudden your body comes back into control of you, Fjord. You have the bonus action. You can still move the weapon if you want to. LIAM: I’d get it into the business. KHARY: Oh, absolutely. MATT: It was up ten feet, technically. It can move down and then move over here, and it would be down on the ground right there. LIAM: It’s on its way for the next round. KHARY: Sure. Okay. MATT: If you wanted. You could move it anywhere else you want to. TRAVIS: Who do I pour that potion into, you or you? SAM: The healer. KHARY: Stay right there, Estelle. She doesn’t move quickly, but she moves effectively. MATT: The bust (humming) and rests floating in the air. That brings us to the top; Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Fuck, there is so little I can do. I’m going to move forward a bit, I’m going to move close enough that I can– I’m just going to keep trying to– Put me next to Caleb. MATT: There you go. TALIESIN: Shite. I’m just going to keep trying to give disadvantage to the first attack on the manticore. MATT: What’s the range on Vicious Mockery? TALIESIN: 60 feet. MATT: Yeah, you can do that here. Wisdom save for the manticore. 19. TALIESIN: Yeah, it saves. MATT: Sorry. TALIESIN: Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Not even In infernal. Fuck fuck fuck. MATT: (laughing) Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: What is it, an action or a bonus action to pour a health potion into somebody’s mouth? MATT: It’s an action. TRAVIS: I’ll run down and pour a health potion into Jester’s mouth. LAURA: That’s good, because that gets me up and I can heal you. LIAM: Yeah, in time for your turn. MATT: You reach down, pull out the healing potion. It’s a regular healing potion, right? TRAVIS: It was a regular. MATT: Yeah, so that would be 2d4 plus two you heal. SAM: You roll? You roll? Who rolls? TALIESIN: Doesn’t matter. LAURA: Six plus two. Eight! MATT: So you heal eight. TRAVIS: Can I use the rest of my movement to start running up the stairs? MATT: You may. TRAVIS: I don’t know how much I have left. MATT: From there it was (counting) six, that’s as far as you get. TRAVIS: Okay, fair enough. Okay. MATT: As you move out of range, the priest is going to make a strike at you with his dagger. TRAVIS: Was I in melee of the priest? MATT: Yeah, to get to her you would have. TRAVIS: I’ll stay in there, then. I couldn’t see where I was. Yeah, I’ll stay close. MATT: Yeah, because you would have moved– Oh, god. SAM: Oh god, everyone’s dead. LAURA: It’s all going to shit! MATT: That’s okay. You stay there. That end’s Fjord’s turn, Jester, you’re up. You are on the ground, prone, but are now conscious and breathing, as you feel the glass vial pulled away from your lips, and Fjord looks down at you with a nod, like “Go!” LAURA: Thank you! I stand up. I’ll reach out and cast Cure Wounds on Nott. SAM: (gasping) MATT: Go ahead and roll that. That’s a d8 plus your wisdom modifier? LAURA: Yes, it is. Sorry. SAM: I just say to Beau: The fuck?! (laughter) LAURA: Eight points to heal. MATT: So you heal eight points. TRAVIS: The fuck. LAURA: Then I guess we should start running, yes? I use the remainder of my– MATT: Movement to run? You can move 15 feet. LAURA: Can I use my bonus action to dash? MATT: You do not have that ability, unfortunately. That’s a rogue and monk ability to use a point. Clerics do not get that. Sorry. Let’s put you there. LAURA: My bonus action to whimper a little bit. MATT: Okay. The priest does get attack of opportunity on you as you run past, as you were engaged in melee. LAURA: I’m hoping the priest is lame. MARISHA: Yeah, a weakling. MATT: Well, he rolled a three. The dagger hits your armor and scrapes off the metal. No effect. That ends your turn, Jester. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Oh, this is crazy. MATT: You’re prone, technically, in Beau’s arms right now. SAM: Sure. I will look up at the manticore, I’ll take out my last shitty tart that you gave me, and crumple it onto the ground, and point up to the manticore and say: What did the incontinent druid say on his surprise birthday party? I’m so excited, I wet my plants! (groaning) TRAVIS: Wow. TALIESIN: Never mind, leave him behind. KHARY: How much damage did that give? TRAVIS: Yeah, to all of us? TPK up in this business. MATT: This is, I assume Hideous Laughter? SAM: Yes, Hideous Laughter. MATT: All right, we’ll see if this works. Wisdom saving throw. That is a 12. What is your DC? SAM: 13. (cheering) MATT: There’s been a lot of just under this game. TALIESIN: Oh, god. KHARY: The dad joke works! MATT: Weirdly, as angry as this manticore is at you– You know what? I’m going to give it advantage in the saving throw because you killed its baby. LAURA: Oh, that’s just mean! MATT: You killed its baby. MARISHA: Hindsight advantage. MATT: I’m allowing it, because I’m the fucking DM. It doesn’t help, I rolled a two. Shit. I felt it was fair for the mother of the baby that you just murdered. SAM: You would have given it to us. MATT: I would have, and from a narrative standpoint it made sense. Still takes effect. The manticore, turning around, eyes filled with fury and anger, goes (growling). She all of a sudden begins to chuckle. As the mouth opens from the laughter, you see the jagged teeth, filled with your own blood, and the tongue lashing around from the laughter as it falls on the ground, prone and cackling. TRAVIS: Is goblin blood red or green? Red? SAM: I think it’s like a black. I don’t know. Matt, what is it? MATT: It’s dark enough where, in this lighting, it looks black. LAURA: Hideous Laughter. Does that mean we all get advantage on hits now? MATT: It is prone, which means melee attacks do get advantage against it. SAM: Or we could leave. TALIESIN: Run! LAURA: But you guys! We’ve got a whole other round! SAM: Of what? LAURA and LIAM: Attacks to wail on her. SAM: Or to leave. MATT: It’s up to you. The manticore’s pretty hurt. The priest has taken a little damage, but the priest also doesn’t look very hardy. But it’s up to you. You can flee or you can finish it. There are advantages and disadvantages. There are advantages to both. MATT and MARISHA: There are advantages to both! KHARY: Are there ears on all of that crap that this priest has on him? Are there any ears on him? MATT: No ears. There is actually on the head. The gnoll head has ears. KHARY: They have ears on that thing. And if we drag that fucking carcass back to the surface, I bet that’ll– TRAVIS: Be worth a pretty penny? MATT: You’re probably not wrong. KHARY: You know what? Forget that. I want that fucking thing on my wall. MATT: All righty. Well, that’s up to you guys to make your choices. TALIESIN: How long does Hideous Laughter last? LAURA: For at least a whole round. MATT: Each time it takes damage. MARISHA: Okay, we could unload and then run! LAURA: And each time he takes damage? MATT: It gets to make a save again. SAM: On the end of his turn, he gets to make a save. MARISHA: If you hit him, he gets to make a save? MATT: Yeah. And on the end of its turn it gets to save. TRAVIS: It’s not like a tee off and then we go. LAURA: Oh, I thought it was like a paralyzation sort of thing. SAM: So he might save right now. MARISHA: We should go. TRAVIS: We should stick to the plan. MATT: Well, regardless– LIAM: What about the dynamite? KHARY: That’s what I’m saying! I want to stick one in its mouth! MATT: That’s up to you. SAM: You might not get that chance! It’s the manticore’s turn, and she might save right now! MATT: Yeah, that’s true. Because it is the manticore– you still have movement, if you want to. MARISHA: Do you want me to put you down? MATT: You have 15 feet of movement if you want Beau to put you down. SAM: Yeah. I will jump down and run. MATT: Ten, 15. TALIESIN: Can you also take your bonus action to run too? SAM: Sure, if I still have a bonus action. MATT: You do, yeah. SAM: Bonus action dash. Well, you know what? I’m going to stay within 30 feet of the priest. MATT: Okay. Good to know. All righty. Finishing Nott’s turn, the manticore’s turn. The manticore’s chuckling, laughing on the ground, howling. It’s echoing throughout the chamber in this very dark– SAM: 35 feet of the priest. MATT: I’ll put you about, roughly, we’ll say there. The manticore’s going to attempt to make its wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: No! Fail! MATT: That is a 12, again! I rolled two elevens in a row! LAURA: Laugh it up, Fuzzball! MATT: The civilians continue to run and they are just up the tunnel. You hear their heavy breathing fade as they disappear into the darkness. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: What do we do? Are we running or are we fighting? TRAVIS: Whatever you want to do. MATT: Beau, it’s your choice. What are you doing? MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to, because I can, fuck the priest. MATT: Okay. You move in to the priest. Go for it. MARISHA: Okay. Big ol’ two-handed staff swing. That’s not bad. 16! MATT: 16 hits! He’s only wearing leather armor. MARISHA: Nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage. Whack! Right across the face. You knock part of the gnoll head off. It’s off-kilter to the side and he spits blood and looks back at you, “Do not worry. He will come for you too.” MARISHA: Ugh! Okay, in response to that, I’m going to be like: Don’t patronize me! Then I’m going to fucking Flurry of Blows. Elbow strike him to an uppercut. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: First attack. Yeah, that hits, with a 12? MATT: That hits! MARISHA: Natural 12. And then, not so good. 12 again. Total. MATT: 12 does not hit, unfortunately. But the next one does. MARISHA: Six plus four. Another ten points of damage. MATT: Ten points of damage, nice. With the staff hit, he laughs at you, the blood spilling out on the side of his chin. You smack him with the elbow, miss with the upper cut, but as the elbow cracks and hits you feel like the jaw kind of dislodge a bit. As he looks back, he reaches up and he’s trying to put it back into place. He’s looking not too great. MARISHA: Hang on, I messed up that. Three plus four. I messed up. MATT: You said ten? Yeah, you shouldn’t have done– actually, it would’ve been seven. MARISHA: Seven damage. I’m sorry. I was adding the wrong modifier. I was looking at the wrong guy. MATT: It’s all good. No worries, so seven damage on that one? That ends your turn? MARISHA: Yes! No! I can still move? Right? MATT: You can, yeah. MARISHA: I’m going to now move past Fjord and start heading away. MATT: Okay. It already got an attack of opportunity against–. So you move up (counting) 40. MARISHA: I’ll stay– that’s good. MATT: All right. Caleb and the priest. Your turn simultaneously. LIAM: Ja, I cannot see too well, so I’m going to take a step forward between Mollymauk and Nott. Just a little bit there. Now I can see that blond hair, and I am tapped out, so I’m just going to let my hand blacken and say a few arcane words and then send a– MATT: He does have three-quarters cover behind that from your current position. LIAM: Well then I will, if I can’t see too well, keep going down the steps until I can see him. MATT: You can move there to get a view without hitting– LIAM: That’s fine. That’s not fine, but that’s fine. Fire Bolt and here it comes to you, shithead. That is a 25 to hit. ALL: It hits! LIAM: But I could roll a one. I rolled a ten. (cheering) MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) LIAM: I’m going to extend my hand forward. I have five fingers out and then I pull in four. I send the flame down my hand because these people have hurt my little friend. I want his hair to burn off his head and die. MATT: Okay. As you release the bolt, the anger in your eyes, the fury coursing through the veins in your hand. The Fire Bolt slams into the priest’s head, and he falls back on the ground, screaming. As you watch, Ghost Rider-style, his head just bursts into flame and burn away, until he falls back to his knees. You can just see the darkened expression of a black skull into the fire as he falls. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. LAURA: What?! What’s this mean?! LIAM: That’s a seven. MATT: A wave of memories come flooding to you, and you feel your motions grow slow. LIAM: I was going to do this on my own. MATT: You guys watch as Caleb stares at this, and continues to stare at the guy burning in flames. That ends your turn! SAM and LAURA: What? MATT: Shakäste, it’s your turn. LAURA and TRAVIS: (whispering) Backstory. (laughter) MATT: Shakäste, your turn. KHARY: Yes. Well, I do believe I still have a Spiritual Weapon. MATT: You do. LAURA: That’s right! KHARY: The Spiritual Weapon goes wandering over, just as sassy as she wants to be. I do believe that the underbelly of the manticore is still waiting there for Estelle to tell him all kinds of horrible things about what it’s like to live in South Florida. MATT: Oh, that’s particularly awful. KHARY: Absolutely. First of all, exactly. You know what? There’s way too much gambling at the track. Everybody’s constantly upset about the humidity. This is what your problem is. Maybe next time, you’ll eat something less human-like, baby. What do I need to roll? MATT: Roll a d20 plus five, with advantage because it is prone. So roll a d20 twice and take the higher of the two. KHARY: Roll the 20 twice? MATT: Correct. KHARY: Nine. Three. LAURA: Nine plus five? MATT: Nine plus five is 14. That is just its armor class. That hits. It has an armor class of 14. So roll damage on that. d8 plus three. KHARY: d8 plus three. That’s this one. All right, four. Four plus three is seven! MATT: Seven points of damage! As the bust slams into the manticore after your musings pierced its soul, it’s going to attempt to make a saving throw, with advantage. LAURA: With advantage? Why with advantage? MATT: It’s a two. Because whenever it takes an impact from an attack, it gets an advantage on the saving throw to break it. A two and a five, however! (cheering) MARISHA: Aw, baby. MATT: It’s okay, it happens. It’s good, it’s cinematic. It’s fun. That’s your bonus action. You still have an action. KHARY: I still have an action? MATT: Yes you do. KHARY: Well then. Let’s see. Where am I? LIAM: Did you use all your slots? LAURA: You got healing in there? SAM: Was that a bonus action to use the weapon? MATT: Yeah. So you still have an action if you want to cast another spell or do something else as an action. KHARY: Let’s see. How is everybody feeling right now? TALIESIN: Not too good. KHARY: Not too good? MATT: The priest is already dead. The manticore’s pretty hurt. Some of them are pretty beat up and low. Some of them seem to have avoided the fray. KHARY: Yeah. Am I close enough to the point where I– I’m still pretty far from the manticore, aren’t I? MATT: You’re about 60 feet from it. KHARY: I’m about 60 feet, but I would need to be at about a 15-foot cube to do my Thunderwave. MATT: Thunderwave, yeah. LAURA: You could do a cantrip as an action. Because you got enough distance. KHARY: Yeah, I think the cantrip will– let’s hit him again with Sacred Flame. MATT: Sacred Flame? All right. That will be an eight plus one for the wisdom modifier. That does not succeed! So roll, that’s d8 radiant damage. SAM: So that worked? LAURA: Yeah. 1d8 radiant. SAM: Oh, so you roll! KHARY: Oh, so I do roll! MATT: You did damage, yeah. KHARY: I did damage. Oh, you did wrong, so I did right! MATT: Exactly! That’s how spells work a lot of the time, man. KHARY: Big money. Come on, baby. That’s a six. MATT: A six? As is tradition, it seems, for our guests, how do you want to do this? (cheering) MATT: That’s ridiculous, by the way! That’s fucked up! I’m counting and I’m like, if he gets the kill this is going to– this is ridiculous. LIAM: That’s hospitality. MATT: That’s hospitality. Jesus Christ! MARISHA: Put. That. Shit. On. Your. Wall. Describe it! MATT: So how do you want to do this? As it’s on the ground, laughing and cackling and writhing. KHARY: I drop the reed that’s in my hand, and I start to play with the flames that start to light on the edges of my fingers. As I slowly bring them together, there’s a musical interlude that starts to play and shoots towards the manticore. Diving down her throat, and bursting through the chest of her, and exploding her heart. You know what? I did that out of love. For someone who just lost their child. MATT: There you go. As Shakäste smiles, the merciful grin of a person who knows that the loss of a child is hard, you release this torrent of sound energy into the cackling mouth of the female manticore. As the writhing stops, and she begins to stand up, looking down, looks back at the corpse of the child now laid still. Looks back at you with a look of pity and acceptance before (explosion). There is a burst of gore out of the chest, and the creature just falls to the ground, motionless. The wings flopping onto the ground, still. And silence takes the chamber. (silence) TRAVIS: Well, time to light the TNT, let’s go. TALIESIN: I’m going to douse the flames. I’m going to run down to the priest and douse the flames, and then give Caleb a good slap on the face. MATT: Okay. Caleb comes to. LIAM: (slapping) TALIESIN: Hey! Back in the game! Time for that later. You all right? LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. Big kiss on the forehead and then walking away. MARISHA and KHARY: I’m– KHARY: No, please. MARISHA: I was just going to say, I’m going to do a quick scan. See if there’s anything of interest. MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Copy. Natural 19. 22. MATT: Amongst the chunks of flesh and rather horrible attire, there’s a couple of interesting adornments on the priest. The nest looks like it’s a mishmash of all kinds of things cobbled together. MARISHA: I’ll definitely take the adornments from the priest. MATT: Okay. From that, there was a set of goggles that were affixed over the priest’s eyes, of a dark lens. MARISHA: Can I see? If I can see in the dark. I need night vision goggles! LIAM: You do. MATT: There is also that reddish glove that was affixed to his right hand. LAURA: Don’t touch it! I wonder if that makes spells better. (gasps) TRAVIS: I’ll run up onto the nest and start looking for stuff. MATT: Make an investigation check for me, please. TALIESIN: You all right there? You all right? SAM: Never better! TRAVIS: Natural 20. LAURA: Yay! Find all the shit! MATT: No shit! What’s the total there for that? TRAVIS: 24. MATT: All right. As you tear through the rubble of this nest, you find a few interesting things: a skeletal hand that has been mostly chewed through, though a single fleshy finger still holds a ring of beautiful silver make and a blue gem that catches your attention. What at first looks like part of the wooden riff-raff that makes the nest, you pull out a refined and well-carved stick that doesn’t match the rest of the rather rough wood. TALIESIN: I know I’m so excited, our first loot. LAURA: This is so exciting! MATT: Also, tangled within the mass, you find chains but larger than normal chains. These chains are attached to a set of unlocked manacles, much larger than any human manacles you’ve seen. There are four identical loops, a little over one foot in diameter, all attached via this chain to one larger one about four feet in diameter. SAM: That’s huge. MARISHA: Was it for the manticore? MATT: It looks like it would have been the size for a manticore. Since you rolled so high in investigation, you also notice that these manacles, which are open, have a single rune pressed into where they meet and lock in place, as there is no other visible locking mechanism. You are unable to really, at the moment, ascertain the nature of it. These manacles are fresh, they’re clean compared to all the other stuff in here. They are there. MARISHA: Are the runes recognizable in any way? MATT: Make an arcana– are you proficient in arcana? TRAVIS: I’ll make an arcana check. MATT: Are you proficient in arcana? TRAVIS: I have a pretty high bonus, I don’t think I’m proficient in it. LIAM: I would like to sit on my ass and look at the ground. TRAVIS: I am proficient in it. MATT: Make an arcana check, please. TRAVIS: Seven. MATT: You’re unable to really ascertain the nature of the runes, unfortunately. LAURA: I’m going to walk up and pet the manticore’s mantle. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Aw, fuck that thing. KHARY: I’d like to cast a spell. MATT: What would you like to cast? KHARY: Fog Cloud. MATT: Okay. You watch as the central portion of the chamber begins to fill with a thick mist, somewhat obscuring your vision more than a few feet in front of you. LAURA: What was that? TALIESIN: Is this supposed to happen? SAM: What’s going on? LAURA: We should get out of here. KHARY: I step behind Nott and whisper in her ear, I say that: This was a bold move you made and we wouldn’t have made it, we wouldn’t have succeeded without you, so I say you earned that gold. But make no mistake, be careful where you put your fingers. SAM: Yes, fog monster. MATT: All right. What else would you like to do? LAURA: Should we get out of here, I guess. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Anything else in the chamber? Does it look like there’s any other little, interesting things in there? TRAVIS: Hey, Molly? TALIESIN: Yeah? MATT: Honestly, it looks like everything was clustered in the nest or on the priest. TRAVIS: You want to help me butcher that manticore head? TALIESIN: Let’s do this. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Easily enough. Within but a few moments, between the triple-blades that the two of you wield, you manage to carve a fresh and carryable by two of you– this is now the second beast head you guys have acquired, carrying along with you– a female manticore head. SAM: We’re not going to take those giant manacles are we? LAURA: Yeah. KHARY: I’ll take the tail. TRAVIS: Yeah we’ll be taking all of that. SAM: It’s huge, can we carry that? MATT: All the manacles together probably weigh about 25 pounds, so it’s carryable. TRAVIS: Just over the shoulder, just walk out. MATT: You couldn’t carry it. SAM: I can’t carry it, that’s how much I weigh. TRAVIS: Even I couldn’t carry that. TALIESIN: Caleb, come on. MARISHA: Hey, you all right? TALIESIN: Later. LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: There’s time for that later. LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: Come on. Let’s go get some sunlight. MARISHA: I grab Caleb, wrap an arm around him, and try to walk him out. TALIESIN: I’m going to grab the other side, we’re going to– yep. TALIESIN: You did good. LAURA: Well I’m still here with this big, giant manticore head so– you guys got Caleb? TRAVIS: I’m helping out. KHARY: You’re going through a change, my friend, and that’s not a bad thing. (laughter) MATT: All right. You guys manage to exit the mines, it seems that the remainder of the gnoll warband have either scattered or collapsed beneath the earlier tunnel falling. KHARY: Gnoll cowards. MARISHA: Cowardly gnolls, cowardly gnolls. LIAM: You just cured me. MATT: You bring yourself back to the surface. The light of the day is growing closer to sunset, another hour, hour and a half or so before the sun sets, but you return to the shack, which has been untouched, unsullied since your leaving. The remainder of the survivors greet you upon you letting them know you’ve returned, and you watch two more reunions occur as the two individuals you had saved from the belly of the manticore find the rest of their family within the survivors. You gather the rest of the bodies, and whoever needs the travel, and begin to load up the cart you brought with you, as well as the manticore head, unless you want to carry that back to town yourself. LAURA: I think it might be easier to put it on the cart. MATT: You can rope it onto the cart without much of an issue, though you still have a single horse pulling a lot of people and a lot of manticore head. That horse is not going to be traveling at maximum speed, it’s going to be a slow pace on that thing. LAURA: I mean, if it’s all slow then it doesn’t matter I can walk alongside it and pull the manticore head. MATT: Eventually after night falls, you can make camp or you continue to make your way to Alfield. It’s only a few miles off and you’ll probably get there maybe an hour or two after sunset. TALIESIN: Sure. LAURA: We should probably just get there. TALIESIN: Let’s make it all the way back. MATT: All right. As you guys make your way under the outskirts of town, back through the forest that cradles the northeast side of the city, a handful of crownsguard that are keeping watch for any sort of incursion watch you approach and immediately one of them puts up a hand, “Halt. Who "goes there?” TALIESIN: All hail, the conquering heroes! LAURA: The saviors of Alfield have returned! TALIESIN: Huzzah! MATT: “Right the, um, yes– come this way,” he seems to not be able to deal with the fact that you’ve arrived with all of these survivors, and the head of a manticore being pulled by this poor horse. SAM: It’s two horses. TRAVIS: There are two horses. SAM: W.C and Crapper. MATT: Making your way into the town. Since you’ve seen it last, a number of buildings still lay in cinders, ash, and burned structures, but the people are in the process of cleaning and rebuilding their lives from the night before where this first attack initially happened. Within a short time, the crownsguard seemed to have brought Bryce back for you. Bryce, which you have not met yet, is currently the Watchmaster of the town. You see a genderfluid half-elf with blonde shoulder-length hair and armor. They seem to be recovering from the wound they sustained the night before and as you approach they immediately come up to you with a bit of a jog and say, “My gods, "you’ve certainly come through on my– what is that?” LAURA: It’s a manticore head. TALIESIN: There was a lot. MATT: “Apparently.” They scratch their head, and shake their head in wonderment, “Well, you’ve– (laughs) "Thank you. What do we call you?” MARISHA: Oh shit. LAURA: Oh fuck. SAM: We’ll get back to you. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: We’re still a– TALIESIN: This is all very new. TRAVIS: We’re the TBDs. MATT: “Very well.” The woman by the way, who you had helped earlier, she comes forward with two of the members, and they come forward to the Watchmaster and they say, “Bryce, Watchmaster, all "of these people came and helped my baby. And–” and turns and looks at you and is looking about to introduce you, if you have a moment you wish to halt or intercede. KHARY: I stop. I hold my hand up. I put my finger over my lips. Shh. MATT: “Anyway, thank you all.” Other folks are starting to come out of their respective homes now to see this spectacle. Children are gawking and you hear gasps at the sight of the horrible beast head, the tongue lolling out and dragging across the ground. Other people are gathering and having reunions, other people are beginning to identify the dead that have been brought in the cart and while there is sadness and crying, there is also closure. There are even some still that are disappointed to not see those they had hoped to see amongst those who had been recovered. Given that still, a hero’s night is to be prepared and people begin to prepare food. For a brief moment past the darkness, you can hear music begin to build as people begin to bring chairs and tables out to the center of the town square, the intersection of where Alfield’s simple backwoods lifestyle seems to still understand what celebration is in the face of victory. As what better case is there to be but to celebrate those who stood up to such evils? As you all think over what you’ve done, this ragtag group of wandering know-nothings that have managed to come together and do a good thing. For some coin, maybe, but a good thing nonetheless. LAURA: I pull out the jar of ears. (laughter) LAURA: Before I hand them over, I open the lid and I whisper in: Thadeus Candleglow says hello. I shut it. I think I did what he asked. SAM: He said to do that. He said to say that to the people. LAURA: They heard it. LIAM: Also, Caleb has been very distant for the last couple of hours, but absentmindedly scoops up Nott’s hand. Doesn’t look at Nott, but holds Nott’s hand. SAM: I stealthily take my bag of coin and slide it into his back pocket, and I pat it and say: I got you some book money. KHARY: Shakäste is standing at a distance. Everyone else is walking towards the village. The Duchess is perched on his shoulder, and he scrawling something in the dirt with that long reed. It’s kind of an “H.” And he fades into the forest. MARISHA: We don’t get to say goodbye. LAURA: He’s the coolest MARISHA: He’s so cool. MATT: On that note, we’re going to end tonight’s game. (groaning) LIAM: Khary! MATT: Khary! That was amazing, man! MARISHA: Have you ever played before? KHARY: With my kids. LAURA: You’re so epic. MARISHA: You’re so good. MATT: Dude. Thank you, finally. We’ve been wanting to have you on for so long, but schedules haven’t lined up. I’m so glad we could. KHARY: Sometimes I can’t believe my luck. I love the things people ask me to do and I can’t believe I get to hang out with you guys and do this, this has been so much fun, I don’t know how to thank you. MATT: Pleasure is ours, man, thank you so much, seriously. KHARY: Oh! SAM: Are you inviting us on your show? KHARY: I have a gift! Is it all right if I–? MATT: Yeah, go for it. LAURA: Do you have a present? KHARY: I do have a present. MATT: Kind of. KHARY: Yeah, sort of, from your old friend. Let’s see I– let’s see. LIAM: Uh oh. All right, I know how this works. (laughter) KHARY: I was given something from Will Friedle. SAM: Is it a venereal disease? KHARY: At first he was like, “Oh, I’ve got something for you.” LIAM: Slipping you the digits. KHARY: Yes, he brought me this 20-sided dice. LAURA: It’s so pretty. KHARY: It is, it’s lovely, isn’t it? LIAM: He’s got gloves on him, don’t touch it. MARISHA: What’s it mean? LAURA: It was up Will’s butt. TRAVIS: He carried it in his ass. LIAM: Crystallized rice. MATT: Ass-20s, it’s like ass pennies. KHARY: My ass– no. He played with this, apparently, but at some point, it was touched by Wil Wheaton. ALL: Oh no! KHARY: Exactly. At some point, I had a hammer– MATT: You know what we should do, because we don’t want to do anything near the table, after this, we’re going to go ahead and record a video of you dealing with that like the Ring in Mount Doom. KHARY: Exactly. MATT: We’ll put it up on socials. KHARY: He gave this to me as if I would use it today. I was like, you know what, that’s the last thing I’m going to do. MATT: He had it blessed and everything, you were telling me. KHARY: He said that two witches blessed this thing and that it was okay. I watched him roll it, and it seemed like it was okay, but there’s no way this thing can be okay. MATT: It’s safer for everyone. KHARY: Rather than have any foolish soul wander upon it, we’re going do with this thing, like you say, we’re going to take this thing out. MATT: We’ll have that video for you guys in the near future. Guys, great game. We’ll take this up next week. LAURA: I can’t believe we survived. MARISHA: We’re heroes. TALIESIN: We lived. LIAM: Just for one day. KHARY: The plan was perfect. MATT: The plan was perfect. A couple things didn’t work out to get out of there in time, I was hoping that would. KHARY: I was really disappointed in Nott for a while, and then she ran up there and did what no one else would. MARISHA and LAURA: Nott the Brave. SAM: Nott the Stupid. MATT: Thank you guys so much. Khary, thank you again. Shakäste goes into the annals of Wildemount history. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. We’ll be back here next Thursday to continue this story. Until then, is it Thursday yet? Have a good night. MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Oh, that was good. Well done. LIAM: We all had to fought to be heard that time. MATT: Yeah! It helps when you all say it at once because it just becomes noise at that point and nothing really affects me. I find it funny, it amuses. So yes, welcome! Before we jump into tonight’s game, let’s go through some quick announcements. First and foremost, we have returning our fantastic sponsor and partner for the beginning of this campaign into the foreseeable future: D&D Beyond! TRAVIS: D&D Beyond! MATT: Sam, do you have a– SAM: Guys, check out DnDBeyond.com. They’re giving away a Legendary Bundle on their Facebook page. A Legendary Bundle contains every digital source available on D&D Beyond, all reference books, including a pre-order for Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes. Go to Facebook.com/DnDBeyond, check out that top pinned post for instructions. Last week, as you all know, I sent out a request saying, “Send “me your stories of D&D Beyond, mail me your stories,” so I got some viewer mail to read. “Dear "Sam, you’re my favorite on Critical Role, don’t tell Travis!” TRAVIS: Fucking dicks. SAM: “Also a big fan of D&D Beyond, but had one question: Was that you I saw in Studio City, "running around covered only in mayonnaise? If so, what the hell, dude?” I don’t know what that is. “Dear Sam, I own a convenience store, we have your show on our TV all the time, love you as Nott, but "please be aware I’ve filed an injunction to keep you a hundred feet away from the store. We have "you on-camera stealing jars of mayonnaise and smearing them all over your body. PS: D&D Beyond "rocks.” Okay. “Dear Sam, to answer your question: No, we do not consider 16 jars of Hellman’s "mayonnaise slathered over your naked body appropriate attire for our furry convention. No, "it does not matter if you use Cool-Whip instead, your credentials have been revoked, please stop "asking.” There’s nothing even about D&D Beyond in that one. But hey! D&D Beyond! MATT: Didn’t realize mayonnaise could be a fursona, but I guess we all learned something tonight. Thank you, Sam. TRAVIS: It’s great camouflage. LIAM: I think Matt went dead inside. LAURA: I was looking at his face as that was going on, was like– MATT: What is going on, Sam? Thank you, Sam. LIAM: I guess somebody at this table used to go to furry conventions. MATT: Nothing wrong with that, unless you’re covered in mayonnaise. LIAM: It does not go well with fur. MATT: Exactly. Another reminder for those of you who have Amazon Prime, can go on Twitch and use your Prime account to subscribe for free to any channel you want to, every month, and I think they just put out an email to Prime members that they have a new way of making sure it notifies you whenever your subscription is up, so you can know when that’s happening, which is pretty useful. Also, Talks Machina, of course, is every Tuesday night at 7:00PM Pacific here on Twitch and Project Alpha, hosted by our fantastic Brian W. Foster. TRAVIS: Hey! MARISHA: Nailed it! You know our friend’s name. MATT: That’s going to be your announcement from now on. Cabbageman Foster is a fantastic host of the show, you can check him out next week, thank you, Brian. Podcast of last week’s episode is available where all fine podcasts downloadable, so if you want the audio version, or your friends are listening to the audio versions, they can find it now and be caught up after this episode, I guess. LAURA: (loud whisper) Can I have a pencil? MARISHA: (loud whisper) Yeah. MATT: I’m talking! LAURA: I’m sorry. I just saw that she had pencils. LIAM: I have a bunch as well. MATT: That’s okay. Heads up to all of our fans, we’re going to be at Emerald City Comic Con. Our good friends at Dark Horse will be selling the print version of Vox Machina: Origins #1. SAM: They already are, aren’t they? LAURA: Yeah, it’s happening MATT: Oh, that’s right, because it’s already there! There you go. LIAM: And there’s copies for us in this building somewhere. MARISHA: Are there? TALIESIN: You have fluff on your chin. LAURA: You got it. TRAVIS: Just leave it there. MATT: There you go. TRAVIS: That’s right. There’s a limited number. MATT: Yeah, they only have 1000 copies, so if you’re going to get one, get it soon. LAURA: That’s it? LIAM: Yeah, that’s it. LAURA: They might be gone already! LIAM: Could be. LAURA: It’s gone, you got it. MATT: The limit’s only five copies per person, per day, so we’ll see how that works out. That’s Dark Horse, booth 1708 at the event, so if you’re going to be there, look for that. Also, you’ll be able to look for these two folks. You guys are flying out to that tomorrow, right? TRAVIS: We are. LAURA: Early, early, early in the morning. TRAVIS: We’ll be there around noon thirty for our first panel of the day. LAURA: We have a couple of Critical Role things tomorrow, so come say hi. MATT: Issue five of the comic book, by the way, goes up March 7th, so next week, you’ll be able to check out the fifth comic, the next stage in the story. LIAM: Character development. MATT: It’s pretty awesome, actually. I’m excited for you guys to check it out. I’m excited to read it myself, so keep an eye out for that. You can find it on Dark Horse’s digital comics platform, comiXology, and many other places you can find on the Geek & Sundry website that I didn’t bother to put down. Once again, reminding that 826LA and 826 in general is our partner-friend charity from the very beginning of this whole stream and we’re still pushing them because they’re amazing. Check them out if you haven’t had the chance; they do great work, and maybe you can do great work with them either by helping support them– MARISHA: Go volunteer! Go start a D&D club! Hit them up! Kids and D&D are hilarious. MATT: As a heads up, I’ll be at Lexington Comic & Toy Convention next weekend in Kentucky, so for those of you guys who are in that vicinity, come say hello to me! MARISHA: Represent! MATT: Exactly. MARISHA: Hometown! Well, not really. An hour and a half outside my hometown! TRAVIS: Partial, yeah. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Relatively. It’s fine. Come and hopefully see me there! We’ll have events and signings and all kinds of good stuff, so, yay! I think that’s almost all of the announcements? MARISHA: We’re Alive just came out on Project Alpha with the amazing horror aficionado Ivan Van Norman. It’s awesome. It’s based off of the “We’re Alive” podcast; it’s “We’re Alive: Frontier.” It’s, oh man, you guys have to go watch it. Next week is the first episode of my new show with Mr. Matt Key: Key Question! That’s on Tuesday. LAURA: I’m excited about that one. MARISHA: It’s going to be good. It’s got some good shit in it, been looking at the edits. So yeah. Go watch. MATT: And… I think that’s it, right? LAURA: Oh, well, there’s one little thing, which is that Travis and I are… having a baby! (cheering) LAURA: All this! This right here! TRAVIS: Look at this one, too. (laughter) TALIESIN: That’s currently available in the store right now. LAURA: That’s available in the store. TRAVIS: Limited number, limited quality. I think there are only one. MARISHA: Available where you can find all babies. LAURA: Very excited to not have to hide it on the show anymore! Thanks for blocking my belly the whole time. SAM: Certainly. Your turn to block mine! LAURA: Yay! MATT: We got our new Critter coming. So excited. LAURA: That’s right. We rolled a character sheet for our baby on our announcement. MARISHA: I like Bladder Kick. That one’s my favorite. MATT: That was pretty great. If you guys haven’t seen it yet on Laura and Travis’ Twitter, you can go and see the announcement page. It’s pretty adorable. TRAVIS: I like his flaws: poops his pants. MATT: It’s a pretty big flaw… and for some people it’s a strength. I don’t know. LIAM: The baby is sitting playing Dungeons & Dragons with us. LIAM and LAURA: Right now. LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: The baby is being watched by so many people. LAURA: Don’t be shy baby, it’s okay! SAM: Hey, are you guys going to hold a Critter contest to name your child? LAURA: What a good idea, Sam! No! (laughter) TRAVIS: Son of a– go ahead and do that. Go ahead. LIAM: Send those suggestions to @laurabaileyVO on twitter.com! MARISHA: You’re definitely live-streaming the birth though, right? LAURA: Oh, live-streaming the birth. We’re going to Periscope the birth for sure. My goal is to go into labor while we’re playing on a Thursday night. MATT: We laugh now. LAURA: How great would that be? MATT: Oh, man. LIAM: Well, we played the game once in that back office, so we could just move to you and then bring the stuff with us. MATT: That’s true, yeah! LIAM: Dwarven Forge, Dwarven Forge, Dwarven Forge. MATT: On that note! Congratulations to the two of you guys, we’re all super excited for you. ALL: Yay! MATT: And with that, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. And welcome back, Laura, when she gets done using the restroom. Where we left off, you guys have been travelling northward into the Marrow Valley, eventually making your way towards the city of Zadash. Along the way, you were passing by the city of Alfield just past the sunset as an incursion of a gnoll warband began to set fire to a number of the buildings. You rushed in to aid some of the denizens there, jumped in under the watch of Bryce, the Watchmaster there, and managed to slay a few, but they managed to escape with a number of bodies and living members of the community. You were then given the opportunity to make some money and to wreak some proper vengeance for this town by finding out where these gnolls were and retrieve those who were still living and/or the bodies of those that needed to at least be given a proper burial. Along that path, you discovered this underground network of what was an abandoned mine where they had been holing up. While you were travelling down there and battling with these gnolls as you did, you encountered a new ally: this individual named Shakäste and his amazing little dark hummingbird. All of you together managed to make your way through, save a number of lives– (burps) pardon me– encounter the priest of these gnollish creatures who had been using these members of the town to help feed a mother manticore. To retrieve some of the living members, you managed to get into battle with it. Nott slew the baby manticore, drawing its ire, and you all, by the skin of your teeth, took both the priest and her out, and in doing so saved the lives of those that were within, retrieved a small bounty of things that were caught within the nest and the priest’s corpse, and made your way back to town. Upon arriving– (shuffling chairs, laughter) TRAVIS: Anything for that butt-shot, Sam. MATT: That’s Sam’s gift to you guys. Upon returning, the sun had set. A number of members of the city of Alfield began to thank you for what you’ve done. They began to come out into the streets and began to make small campfires and play music and basically take this moment to both grieve and be thankful that there are individuals who will stand up and show strength in the face of darkness even this far out on the edges of the empire. In this time, you realize right about now that your new friend Shakäste seems to have vanished from the vicinity. You glance about, and at a quick look, he’s gone. LAURA: Where did Shakäste go? SAM: I don’t know. He’s very mysterious. MARISHA: He’s the coolest. LAURA: He’s like the wind. (gasps) Maybe he was the Traveler! SAM: What does that mean, the Traveler? LAURA: The Traveler. SAM: What does that mean? TRAVIS: It’s like a deity. LAURA: Well, yeah, mostly. Yeah. SAM: Oh. LAURA: I mean, he takes many forms. SAM: Do you worship the Traveler? LAURA: Maybe I’m the Traveler. SAM: Okay, maybe she doesn’t worship the Traveler. LAURA: I mean, yeah, sure. I worship him, sure. He’s more like my best friend. TRAVIS: Jester, don’t you think that if that was the Traveler he would have said, “Hey. I’m the Traveler.” LAURA: Probably. MARISHA: He didn’t seem very irreverent in the way the Traveler seems to be. TRAVIS: Yep. LAURA: How do you know what the Traveler’s like? Do you hang out with the Traveler too? MARISHA: No, but I hang out with you. LAURA: Oh, right. Well, he’s probably not the Traveler, then. LIAM: I liked that guy, though. He was good. MARISHA: He was. TRAVIS: He was pretty cool. LIAM: He was talented. SAM: Are you okay, Caleb? You went a little quiet there for a little while. MARISHA: Is that your first time killing something? Or somebody? LIAM: He was burned alive in front of me. MARISHA: Yeah, you did that, though. LIAM: I am well aware that I killed a person. I have nothing else to say, why is everyone looking at me? LAURA: Have you ever killed someone before? TRAVIS: We were worried. You kind of went into a state. Just making sure you are all right. LIAM: I’m okay. TRAVIS: All right, yeah. LIAM: It was terribly grisly; his hair was on fire and he burned horribly. Maybe it went a little further than I anticipated– I have killed people before in defense, ja. But not like that. TALIESIN: Well, there’s one surefire way to make sure that he’s all right, which is, we get drunk on something really expensive and listen to the stories of all the people we just saved so you can feel better about everything that just happened. LIAM: Okay, that sounds good. TALIESIN: And we’re going to spend a ridiculous amount of the money we just made. LAURA: I’m okay with that. MARISHA: I am too. SAM: Oh, didn’t we get some items as well? LAURA: Oh, yeah! Who was it that had that stuff? TRAVIS: Apparently, I raise my hand in this group. That just happened. TALIESIN: Yes, you, the small one in the back. TRAVIS: Yeah, we have a silver ring with a little blue gem on it. LAURA: Can I have it? TRAVIS: Hold on a second! LAURA: I like rings! TRAVIS: Fucking pace yourself, all right? Yeah, I know. The bling is going to come your way, all right? We have a carved wand. Anybody have a wand that’s not carved? SAM: Is it a stick? TRAVIS: It is. SAM: I like sticks. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. Well. Yeah. We got some chained manacles, they’re some big sons of bitches with a bunch of runes on the cuffs. LAURA: Ooh. TALIESIN: I like manacles. MARISHA: Who ended up grabbing the goggles? Did I grab the goggles? I got them off the priest! MATT: You did, yes. MARISHA: I’m going to pull them out, take a look at them. TALIESIN: Those are fancy. MATT: The base of them is a soft leather that’s been cured and taken care of once you manage to wipe off some of the blood and soot from the remains of the previous owner. It’s a set of goggles that can be comfortably placed over your head, and the glass elements, or the lenses of them have a bluish-purple sheen to them. MARISHA: I put them on. LIAM: Would you like to know what they are before you put them on? MARISHA: Too late, man. It’s like Thir13en Ghosts (screams). No, I don’t know. LAURA: What does it look like? Is it like a kaleidoscope? MATT: When you place them over your eyes, because immediately in the vicinity there’s the few small bonfires people have gathered around, other than that, it’s a dark night sky with stars peeking through the elements of the clouds that have broken apart. It looks like a cloudfront is still blowing in from the eastern side of the valley, but from what little bit of the sky you can see, the stars are there. Upon placing the lenses over your eyes, you have clear definition of all the nearby buildings, the dark alleyways. You have a very clear perspective on anything that is not directly being hit by firelight, and the firelight is almost a little too bright. MARISHA: Holy shit, you guys. Is this what you can see all the time? LAURA: I don’t know, what does it look like? MARISHA: It’s like I got night vision! Like I can see… things! LIAM: Look over here. You look like a nerd. MARISHA: I can deal with that, it’s fine. TRAVIS: That’s great. With you humans– MARISHA: I can see shit! TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s real important. We were running into problems– TALIESIN: I’m curious, can I try them on really quick? LAURA: Do they fit over your– TALIESIN: No, I got to unstrap them. I’m holding them up– MATT: It tugs all of your horn jewelry and under it in an uncomfortable way. TRAVIS: Jingle jangle jingle jingle. MATT: No effect, actually. TALIESIN: Yeah, this is nothing. MARISHA: Lies. TRAVIS: Hey, Caleb. LIAM: Yeah? SAM: Can you see through my clothes? MARISHA: Do you want me to see through your clothes? SAM: No. MARISHA: Nah. TRAVIS: I remember you have an ability to identify? LIAM: I don’t have ability, I understand certain magics. If you want me to explain what those things are before you try them willy-nilly, yes, I can tell you– LAURA: Ooh, then look at the ring that I want! TRAVIS: Yeah, sure, yes. LIAM: May I see it? TRAVIS: Absolutely. Here’s the silver ring with the blue gem. LIAM: Yeah. You know, I’m just going to check D&D Beyond to see if I– Yeah, I’m all tapped, but– SAM: Maybe you could just look at it and see with your smarts. LIAM: I will tell you something. TRAVIS: Motherfucker. LAURA: He totally just took the ring from– TRAVIS: I know! LIAM: I will tell you something: I don’t need to have this ring, I can tell you what it is. MATT: Do you have Identify as a spell? LIAM: I do, but I need a pearl. I say to Fjord, I need a somewhat valuable pearl, then I can do it all day long. I can know what anything is, even though I am tired. LAURA: Ooh, do any of the rings that I have on my fingers have a pearl on them? SAM: How about the one that I stole from her? MATT: The ring that would have the pearl on it is no longer on your hand, and the one that you have does have set into it a fairly nice pearl. LAURA: (gasps) You have a pearl! SAM: Would you– LIAM: Is that worth about a hundred gold pieces? MATT: You can certainly try. LIAM: Oh, yes, let me– Can I borrow this? SAM: I want it back, though. LIAM: This is not instantaneous. Since I am so tired, it takes me a little bit longer. I wedge out one of my books and I set it on the ground. MARISHA: Do you want to go to– TALIESIN: Instead of setting a book on the ground, let’s sit at a table at a pub or bar. TRAVIS: We’ll make sure you’re not disturbed. LIAM: It’s up to you. I haven’t done this in a while and I’m excited to do it. But I could hold off a little. TALIESIN: I require drink and lumbar support. LIAM: Okay, I take the book and I close it and then I put it back. LAURA: Do you want me to carry it for you? LIAM: No, I have both the ring and the one that Fjord gave me. So if it’s good for you, you may have it. I’m more interested in executing skill. TRAVIS: Okay, yeah. Molly, I need something from you. TALIESIN: Yes? TRAVIS: Find us a fucking bar. TALIESIN: On it. SAM: Should we just go to the Feed and Mead? LAURA: Let’s do it! SAM: Or somewhere else? LAURA: I hope they have milk. TRAVIS: Because the Candleglow Inn is fucking toast. TALIESIN: I’m going to just literally yell at the top of my lungs in the middle of the crowd: I’m looking for the best pub in this bloody town! MATT: As soon as you finish screaming it, you turn around and go face to face with Crute, the rather rough-looking dwarf who runs the Feed and Mead where you guys have been staying. He goes, “Huh, "that would be my place where you are staying.” TALIESIN: Onward! MATT: Everyone around is like “Eh.” But he’s already got your attention. He leads you guys back to the familiar Feed and Mead. Where has been empty previously when you guys were staying there, now there seems to be a little bit of an air of celebration. Since that is where you guys are going, other people are following and it seems the party is going where you’re going. As you enter the place, Crute seems excited because now all of a sudden there’s a burst in clientele. TRAVIS: Pub crawl. SAM: There’s only one pub. MATT: As you begin to order your drinks, many of the various villagers prevent you from paying. For the remainder of the evening, your drinks are on the town of Alfield. TRAVIS: Very, very generous. Fucking drink up. LIAM: Before we even go into the building, I go over to Nott and adjust the hood a little bit further forward. SAM: Are my ears tucked back in? LIAM: The ears are in and make sure that the mask is secure. Have fun. SAM: Okay. You’re really all right, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah, I’m okay. It was a rough night. SAM: I know, but you went a bit catatonic. LIAM: I did. SAM: Did you see anything or have a vision? I don’t know. LIAM: No, I did not see a vision. I saw a burning person. SAM: All right. They were bad. LIAM: Let’s go get a drink. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: Anybody who tries to buy me a drink, I slip a silver into their pocket. Let me know how low we get. MATT: Okay. They’re common folk for the most part. Nobody seems to notice. Those that even do watch you aren’t going to argue. Now, is that just drinks on you? TALIESIN: When any time we let them buy us drinks, I’m just going to put a silver in anybody’s pocket who’s buying us drinks. MATT: Okay, depending on how many rounds you guys want, that’ll put you down about two gold probably by the time the night is done. TALIESIN: Done. SAM: I’m going to keep getting shots and pouring them into my flask and going up and asking for another. MATT: Fair enough. Make it three gold (laughs). Caleb, you’re spending time– LIAM: I’m going to find a corner table in the ruckus. I will take the ring with the pearl, and I hold it right here. I pull out the other ring and I look at it and I begin to focus and study the different angles of it and hope that I have a pearl of enough value to make things happen. LAURA: I’m going to sit next to Caleb and watch it all happen. MATT: It is riveting. LAURA: Don’t you need to pull out your book so you can look at your spells? LIAM: It’s already out. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: You know when you play D&D, you don’t narrate taking a pooper, but you can assume that the characters take a pooper every day. TRAVIS: (chagrined) I narrated it. LAURA: This is true. LIAM: Some things just happen. LAURA: While he’s doing everything he’s doing, I’m going try to very subtly draw a dick in his book. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. SAM: (singing) It’s a dick in a book. LAURA: Natural 20! SAM: Natural dick 20. TALIESIN: 20 god damn dicks. MATT: Yes, the pearl is enough for you to focus on the spell. LIAM: Yes! MATT: The ring. MARISHA: What is it? SAM: Is this our first item? MATT: And you know what this is. LAURA: It’s our first item! LIAM: Oh. LAURA: What is it, Caleb? LIAM: This is good. You may have it. I don’t get into water too much, as you could guess. This is good for walking yourself upon water. You take this, as promised. MARISHA: That’s rad. LAURA: You can stand on and move across any liquid surface? LIAM: Yeah, but also why is there a dickbutt in my spellbook? LAURA: Where did that come from? LIAM: I don’t know. Maybe it was Nott pulling a prank on me. LAURA: Probably. It was probably Nott. Wow, this ring is so cool! TRAVIS: Hey, Caleb, are you exhausted from that experience? We do have other items to– LIAM: No, I don’t need– well, I do want one drink, but I don’t need a ton of drinks. This is my thing, so what else did we get? TRAVIS: We have a carved stick– wand. LIAM: I will take the wand. TRAVIS: Yup. LIAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: These big fucking chain manacles I’ve just got over my shoulder. LIAM: I need another ten minutes. Fjord, would you get me a second whiskey? By the time you get back, maybe I will understand what this is. TRAVIS: I ain’t a fucking waitress. LIAM: Ten minutes later. MATT: Yep. Look at the majesty of this. LAURA: What is it? TRAVIS: It’s a wand of dickbutts. LAURA: How fortunate. LIAM: (sighs) LAURA: What is it? TRAVIS: That’s the: Do I tell them or do I not? LAURA: What is it?! LIAM: It’s fascinating. (laughter) LIAM: Oh. Do you know how to use wands? LAURA: Of course I do. LIAM: Is she full of shit? What do I roll? MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: Yeah. I got a 15. MATT: She seems to be on the level. LAURA: Yeah, I’m on the level. LIAM : This is too dangerous for you to have. I’m keeping this one– LAURA: No, just tell me what it is, Caleb! LIAM: No it’s for me, I gave you the ring. That’s the deal. I promised it to you and now you have it. TALIESIN: What does the wand do? TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say, you can just share. LAURA: You have to tell us. LIAM: If I tell you, you will try to steal it from me. TRAVIS: No, I swear I won’t. LAURA: Unless it’s a wand that makes doughnuts or pickles, then I probably won’t try to steal it, probably. LIAM: No, it’s too dangerous. (laughter) LAURA: No, Caleb! TALIESIN: I’m taking his drink away. You don’t get to drink. TRAVIS: Now it’s definitely going to be stolen. We have one other item. Not that I don’t love my posture being corrected. MATT: You technically have two more. LIAM: Fine, do you want to know what it does? LAURA: Yes! LIAM: I will show you what it does. LAURA: What does it do? Wait, he’s doing it! SAM: Oh, he’s casting the wand. LIAM: I point this stick at Jester. MATT: Okay, make a– is it a wisdom or charisma? LIAM: It is a charisma saving throw. MATT: Charisma saving throw, please. LAURA: Ah, oh Jesus. Okay. TALIESIN: First party death. SAM: Insta-death. LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. Oh, 12. LIAM: Oh, it’s just a stick. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, it didn’t do anything? LIAM: No. Told you. LAURA: That’s a very low DC, because I rolled shit. LIAM: A low what? LAURA: A DC. Yeah, that’s a nine, right? It’s a nein! SAM and MARISHA: Nein. LAURA: Plus three. TRAVIS: How about these them there chain manacles? So I can get my spine back in alignment. MARISHA: You look like you’re into some shit. LIAM: I promise you’ll have these back because I cannot lift them. Would you put them on the table for me? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: (crash) Onto the table. TRAVIS: They’re fucking huge. LIAM: Hold the ring and wait. MATT: You finish the spell. They are not magical. They once were, and you can tell by the runes at the base of where the manacles clink together that they were at some point sealed. Whatever enchantment was on them has been released. TRAVIS: Tell me they’re super valuable. That was a fucking bitch to lug around. LIAM: They are a very strange one. If you are feeling gassy, they take away the cramps you feel. You have to wear them. It’s extraneous, it’s too much. TRAVIS: Seems extreme. LIAM: It’s overkill. TRAVIS: Yeah, all right. Well, mysterious wonders. LAURA: What kind of metal is it? MARISHA: Yeah, I was going to say, it’s a lot of good metal. We can always sell it for scrap metal. LAURA: To the blacksmith. TRAVIS: I like that more. MATT: There’s also the glaive. LAURA: I have a glaive. Look at this glaive. MARISHA: Didn’t we get a pendant off of the priest? MATT: No, there was a glove. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, the red glove! LIAM: These are shit. I slide them off the table– MATT: (crash) Everyone who’s near in the vicinity all of a sudden turns as this loud, heavy clatter of metal chains– TRAVIS: Sorry! No, we’re just going through stuff. Back to your drinks, everything’s fine. LIAM: I want to do it again. What do we have? Give me the thing. LAURA: A glaive. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Whoa! SAM: That’s a big thing. LIAM: Yeah. Oh. LAURA: Is it too dangerous for me to have? SAM: It’s too dangerous. LIAM: No, this is great. It’s very powerful. It is a fine weapon. Probably better than anything– except maybe for your blade. Is anyone able to use a glaive? I can’t do anything with it. LAURA: What is a glaive? MATT: A glaive is a polearm with a giant axe blade at the top of it. SAM: Beau could use it, right? MATT: It’s not a monk weapon. LAURA: Is it something that I could use? MATT: It’s a two-handed weapon, yeah. LAURA: Can I use a two-handed weapon? Oh, I have a shield. MATT: You have a shield, you’d have to get rid of your shield and I have go to see if you have the capability to even use it. Because I don’t think you know– do you know simple weapons? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Let me double check real fast. As far as I know– LAURA: I need to get a better weapon, though, you guys. Because this sickle doesn’t do much. TALIESIN: It’s very pretty. LAURA: It’s really cool-looking, right? That’s why got it. How’s it balanced, is it good? TALIESIN: It’s very nice. MATT: Yeah, you aren’t proficient with glaives, unfortunately. LAURA: No. LIAM: Do you know what this is? It is a very good sale at a pawn shop. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: None of us can use it? LAURA: Well, what does it do, because how much is it worth? LIAM: Well, it’s very painful if it hits you. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: That’s it. MARISHA: So it is magical? LIAM: Most definitely it is magical, yes. Stronger than your average glaive, that’s what I am saying, yeah. TRAVIS: Great, yeah. MARISHA: I have a feeling that no one in this town could afford it right now. But when we get to– LAURA: Zadash. MARISHA: Zadash. I might know a few contacts that might want something. LIAM: You know people in Zadash? MARISHA: I know people everywhere. LAURA: I’m writing magic glaive. SAM: Oh yeah, who’s keeping stuff? Are you our stuff keeper? TRAVIS: Who’s got the oven mitt? LIAM: Who’s got the monster calves to carry this? There you go. LAURA: (grunts) SAM: Oven mitt? LIAM: Here. TRAVIS: Red oven mitt, who’s got it? SAM and LAURA: I don’t know. TALIESIN: Who had the red oven mitt? MARISHA: Was it on the priest? MATT: It was on the priest. MARISHA: I have it. I got it. TRAVIS: I’m looking at you while I say it the whole time. MARISHA: I’ve got my goggles on and I’m just like– TRAVIS: I grab the nose piece and go (fwoosh) (impact). MARISHA: Ah! (laughter) MARISHA: I just punch him in the shoulder really hard. TRAVIS: (pained) Yeah, ah. MATT: Yeah, your left arm goes numb for a while. MARISHA: I pull out the oven mitt. LIAM: Oh my goodness, yeah. Like 45 minutes have gone by looking at all these things. MATT: You guys have all grown steadily more intoxicated. LAURA: Not me, because I drink milk. MATT: That’s right. SAM: And not me, because I’ve just been getting them and pouring them. LAURA: What is it? Can you shoot fire from your hands? Can you shoot lightning from your hands? Can you catch things really well? TALIESIN: Does it make a very good macaroni and cheese? LIAM: He just puts it away. LAURA: I don’t like Caleb looking at our shit anymore. He just looks at it and steals it. LIAM: He puts the wand down in front of Jester. LAURA: (gasps) MARISHA: What’s with the oven mitt? LIAM: It just hurts people. SAM: This is the wand, this is just it? LAURA: This is so cute. MARISHA: Wait, it hurts people so you’re going to hang onto it? LAURA: This is a great wand. LIAM: Do you know how to use arcane artifacts? MARISHA: It doesn’t matter if I know how to use arcane artifacts. Stuff that hurts people could still be beneficial to our cause, because other people want to hurt us. TRAVIS: I mean, she has a point. I know how to use arcane artifacts. MARISHA: Yeah, why don’t you see if Fjord wants it? LAURA: I point the wand at Nott. SAM: I rolled a four. LAURA: (laughs) MATT: You watch from beneath the mask– LAURA: I pull the mask down. MATT: The edges of the toothy goblin grin curl into this uncontrollable smile that threatens to crack the sides of her face. LAURA: Oh my goodness. That’s really creepy, Nott. SAM: I can’t stop! LAURA: How do I make it stop? SAM: I don’t know, dear gods! TALIESIN: Nott, why so serious? SAM: It hurts! LAURA: I think it lasts for a while. SAM: Oh gods! It’s painful! MATT: At this point, these two young farm boys, that were in there drinking in the back and watching, listening in, are just staring at Nott and backing away slowly to the back of the room. “We got to go.” SAM: It’s okay. MATT: “We got to go!” They leave the room and everyone else just looking over. Yeah, it’s caused a bit of a scene. SAM: The Wand of Smiles. LAURA: Yes it’s a Wand of Smiles. They have to roll a DC of ten for charisma saving throw or be forced to smile for a minute. TRAVIS: Yes, awesome. LAURA: That’s the cutest fucking wand! SAM: Love it. LAURA: I love it. MARISHA: I wonder if it works on animals. LAURA: We’ll find out. Where’s– oh, Frumpkin. LIAM: What? LAURA: Frumpkin’s gone. LIAM: He’s not gone. He’s always with me and he will be back tomorrow. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: Back to the glove thing, though. LIAM: Yeah. It burns people like I burned that man. TRAVIS: Oh. LAURA: Oh. Well, you don’t want to keep it. You hate burning people. MARISHA: Exactly. TRAVIS: That could come in very handy. MARISHA: It’s not fair for you to put your issues onto literal inanimate objects. LIAM: Would you like to trade your goggles for them? MARISHA: No. I can’t use arcane shit. But he can. LIAM: You have that very fancy sword you have. TRAVIS: Yeah. But sometimes you need batting gloves. LIAM: Does it mean that much to you? Would you like it? TRAVIS: I would like to see it. LIAM: Okay. Here it is. TRAVIS: Yep. Hold on. That’s a fucking glove of fire. TALIESIN: Do your thing. LAURA: You have to stick it on your forehead. MATT: Does it require attunement? LIAM: I don’t know. No. He’s good. MATT: After putting it on, you would actually know the properties of it. TRAVIS: Oh, sweet! What are the properties of it? MARISHA: Give him the damn paper. LIAM: I don’t move at the speed of your thought. TRAVIS: Okay. Cool. Yeah. LAURA: What does it do? TRAVIS: It’s a Scorching Ray spell. A little plus five. LIAM: I’m sorry that I kept it for myself. Enjoy. I will not take any of the spoils of anything we find anywhere. Enjoy. MARISHA: Okay, you didn’t frame it that way, though. You put it under the guise of this is bad, this hurts people. LIAM: It does hurt people. You seem very angry at me right now. MARISHA: I’m just wondering what your deal is. LAURA: Look. This ring is perfect for you. That way if we get near water you don’t go in it. LIAM: I’m slowly, ever so slowly beginning to like you, so please don’t fuck it up. SAM: I think that we should all say thank you to Caleb for identifying our objects. LAURA: Cheers to Caleb! MARISHA: Yeah. That’s not the issue. But cheers! LIAM: This is what people do. TRAVIS: And Nott, may I say thank you for saving my life, because I was in a fucking pickle in there and if you hadn’t gone and slaughtered that little baby manticore, I’d have been fucked. So thank you. SAM: You’re welcome. LAURA: Thank you, Fjord, for saving my life. TRAVIS: Did I save your life? LAURA: Didn’t you give me a potion? TRAVIS: I did. Yeah. That’s right. LAURA: I woke up and you were over me giving me a potion like a knight in shining armor. TRAVIS: Yeah. You’re right. It was my pleasure. You would have done it for me. LAURA: I probably would have. Probably. I did do it for you though, Nott. SAM: Did you save me? LAURA: I saved your life! SAM: Thank you. LIAM: Is she still smiling? MATT: No. It’s faded by now. LAURA: I hold the wand under the table at Caleb’s leg and try to do it to him too. MATT: Make a charisma saving throw. LIAM: It’s constitution though, isn’t it? LAURA: It’s charisma. You had me do charisma. LIAM: I said constitution to you. MATT: She did charisma. LIAM: Okay. I’m sure I’ll fail it. 15. LAURA: You succeeded, but you didn’t even know I tried. MATT: As you guys finish your cheer, everyone else in the room also lifts their drinks. “Hurrah!” They all give a cheer as well. MARISHA: Huzzah. ALL: Huzzah! MATT: As the evening continues, some folks come up and tell their stories to you, give you thanks. Share a drink if someone was lost. Some recovered, some not. Overall, everyone seems to be very appreciative. Eventually, whether through just general exhaustion or imbibement, you bring yourself to rest, finding yourselves back to the singular room you’ve all been sharing here at the Feed and Mead. TRAVIS: Oh yeah. Should we get another room now that we’ve got some extra coin? MARISHA: How many rooms do they have at the inn? MATT: Three. TRAVIS: Oh! MATT: It’s not a big place. SAM: Are they vacant? MATT: At the moment? Yes. TRAVIS: We can get an extra room. MARISHA: Let’s buy them all out. TRAVIS: Whoa! Hey, big spender! What? MARISHA: I’ll take my own room if y'all don’t want in. LAURA: But we have always been roommates. MARISHA: Then come join me, girl! LAURA: Okay. MATT: Crute, while he has been happy to provide you the evenings free for two rooms, even for all you’ve done, “I am a businessman, through and through, so I’ll give you a discount. Three silver.” MARISHA: Done. MATT: (laughs) LAURA: Matt’s totally taking advantage of the fact that none of us are hagglers this game. It’s hard. It’s really hard. TRAVIS: Craft fair Laura is dying. LIAM: I will also pay for a room for Nott and Caleb. MATT: “Of course. Then that will be also three silver.” LIAM: Wait did you just, ja? Did you pay for everybody or for you? MARISHA: I paid for me. Here, for giving you shit earlier. I give three silver. MATT: “Thank you.” (laughs) You have your own room now. LAURA: Totally obvious that he’s fucking us over. (imitates Crute’s laugh) LIAM: Danke. TALIESIN: Today has been the most profitable day in my life. I have never seen so much money cross my path. LAURA: More money will come tomorrow because we are selling the ears tomorrow! TALIESIN: This is ridiculous. LAURA: Yeah! SAM: Where are the ears? Someone has them safe. LAURA: Of course, yeah, I have the ears right here in this pickle jar. SAM: Maybe it should be in Caleb and I’s room because we’ll have the alarm to protect us. LAURA: No, I have them, it’s okay. TALIESIN: Is somebody just going to show up and say I– LAURA: Like who wants pickled ears really, except for me? SAM: All right. LIAM: I’m going to go get my cat! I go up. LAURA: I’m going to go eat some pickled ears! TALIESIN: I’m going to watch this. MATT: Do you actually partake in pickled ears? LAURA: No, I don’t. I go upstairs and I’m conversing with the Traveler. TALIESIN: Oh, you’re going to do your thing. MARISHA: I go up and head up to the room as well. LAURA: I’m going to doodle and talk to the Traveler. MATT: You all find yourselves going about what final business you have for the evening before rest takes you. You are doing your– LIAM: Well, I first take out the silver thread and I cross it across the door and if there’s any windows there, I do the same and allow for Nott to enter and leave. Then I draw patterns along the floor that spread up onto the table as well and back down onto the floor. I squat with my book since I am tapped and I begin to bring back my cat. An hour and ten minutes later, I don’t know if they’re asleep or not, I have this cat named Frumpkin and I wear him like a scarf. MATT: You watch as you finish the incantation and the ritual comes to a complete cycle, in the center of where you made these markers across the table you hear this slight tearing sound and there is this slight ripple in the air right in front of you in the center of this and it’s almost like a slight little tear in reality almost. From that, Frumpkin steps out and lands, looks up at you. (meows) LIAM: Come here, I promise– MATT: Immediately leaps up into your hands. LIAM: I promise not to do that too often. I just scritch, for a long time. MATT: He purrs against you. MARISHA: He can’t even hear about it! LAURA: Can I draw the general gnoll peeing on a little fire hydrant and the rest of the gnolls behind him fighting over a bone? MATT: Easy enough to do. LAURA: Then I’m going to draw the cutest baby manticore you’ve ever seen and it’s dead! I’m going to tell the Traveler: You know, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m just hoping that you’re here because this is the farthest I’ve ever gone and I’m afraid that you can’t hear me anymore and it’s freaking me out a little bit. Because I know that I’m around a bunch of people now and I haven’t been before, but I want you to know that you’re still my best friend and if you want me to be alone I will be if that means that you’ll be here. MARISHA: Beau just reaches over and hands her a kleenex. LAURA: Thank you. Okay, that’s all, good night. What? MARISHA: Nothing. LAURA: Did you hear that? MARISHA: I’m in the room with you. LAURA: Oh. Right. MARISHA: I’m reading. While she was doing that, I’m opening the letters from the Baumbauchs. MATT: Oh! Right. TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh shit. MATT: Well, finishing up with you. As you finish that and lay down, you lay on one side, staring towards the wall in this moment of quiet. You feel this strange warmth and you look down underneath your robes and there you have the symbol of the Traveler that you keep on yourself, the door arch and path, and it’s warm to the touch, warmer than your skin is. The subtle sensation of familiar closeness comes over you, and wordless, but an emotion washes through your brain that’s alien, from the outside of your own thoughts that just says, “I’m with you.” LAURA: I take the symbol and I hold it up to my cheek and I go to sleep. MATT: Okay. You start going through. There were four letters clustered in here. You tear through the first one and look at it and it looks like it’s a shipment ledger up by Nogvurot. Nogvurot, it’s a city on the northern end of the empire. It’s just an information ledger about shipments received, confirming payment and distribution to which taverns are receiving it, and then asking for the next shipment. The second one that you open is another ledger, this one comes from Deastok to the west. This one’s cheaper, it’s a smaller ledger. The third one you open up, and it’s a complaint– MARISHA: (kissing sounds) What is it? MATT: From Rexxentrum. It’s titled by– it doesn’t have the name but it says “The purveyor of the Rotted Stump”, which is apparently some sort of bar or tavern saying, “To the Baumbauch family: I "would happily request that if you are to send the aforementioned and already paid shipments to our "establishment that they would not be containing any sort of animals of which could chew through "and ruin and spoil the shipments you’ve been given. We request an immediate refund.” It shows a copy of a deal that was made. It’s just an open complaint. MARISHA: Nice. MATT: The fourth one’s a little interesting. It’s just titled: To Demedan Baumbauch. Specifically. ALL: Demedan! Ooh! LIAM: I’m sure that one’s not important. SAM: It’s mostly about mayonnaise. LAURA: He’s totally looking! LIAM: I know. TALIESIN: Dear Mr. Mayo. We relish the time we’ve had together. MARISHA: Would I recognize what this word means? MATT: Make an intelligence check. MARISHA: Do I get any time of advantage for being a shifty person? MATT: No, because this would be an investigation check specifically, not an intelligence, it would be an investigation. MARISHA: Is this a code? Is this backwards? This is backwards, isn’t it? Fuck balls. TALIESIN: You don’t know. MARISHA: Eight. MATT: Eight. Well. You’re just going to have to figure it out on your own. LIAM: (singing) Fuck balls. MARISHA: Toordolbo. SAM: We’ll come back to you. MARISHA: Do I know what the Evening Nip is? Do I recognize that? MATT: You don’t, actually. TRAVIS: You don’t know the old evening nip? (laughter) MARISHA: I finish reading everything, I go over to a sleeping Jester, pull her blankets up and tuck her in a little bit, and then I crash out. MATT: Okay. SAM: Two quick things. One, I’d like to ask Caleb, when he’s done with his insanely long ritual: That pouch that I gave you, what was in it? LIAM: Did you give me a pouch? SAM: Oh, I gave you a pouch before. You might not have felt it, but it’s in your back pocket. LIAM: When did you do that? SAM: Before? LIAM: Oh, what is in it? Let’s see. MATT: Which pouch is this? LAURA: Shakäste’s. MATT: Oh, Shakäste’s pouch. You find what is roughly a handful of bird seed. LAURA: Wouldn’t it be funny if there was, like, two copper and a bunch of bird seed? MATT: Well, it’s a heavy pouch and contains about 113 gold pieces. ALL: Whoa! LAURA: Shakäste was fucking loaded! LIAM: One… LAURA: Oh jeez. LIAM: Two… TALIESIN: No long rest for you. LIAM: And then ten minutes later– MATT: There’s some dried jerky and hide in there, just for trail snacks. It seemed like a half road travel pack that Shakäste was keeping with him and whatever coin he had brought with him on the journey. LAURA: You stole an old blind man’s food and money. SAM: I am the best. LIAM: Did you say 113? MATT: 113. LIAM: Okay, so after counting it all, I separate it and I put some jerky down– go, have it– to Frumpkin, and I push 60 gold across the floor. Come here. SAM: Yes. Ow! TRAVIS: That was five of them. SAM: No, that’s good, because my muscles are sore from smiling before. MATT: It does help a little. SAM: Then I’m going to try to make acid while he was doing his thing. MATT: Go ahead and make an alchemy supplies check. Roll that plus your proficiency bonus and your intelligence. SAM: 19, plus things. MATT: It will take you through the night and part of the morning to do it. With a full night’s sleep– a full rest– if you start early enough in the night, by about noon tomorrow you’d be done. SAM: All right. MATT: Throughout that, you manage to create a vial of acid. SAM: Awesome. LIAM: I have a question: the metal on the ring with the pearl in it, what is it made of? Can I tell? MATT: Looking at it, it looks like the base material for the pearl set in, it’s a polished brass that has been treated to look like gold, but some of that treatment is rubbing off and you can see the duller brass color beneath. LIAM: I cannot remember, but Caleb can because of Keen Mind. Brass: is that part of the alchemy that I can do? MATT: I will look. As far as your school of transmutation? LIAM: Yeah, that is correct. SAM: You have copper and silver for sure. LIAM: Copper, silver, wood. SAM: Iron? LIAM: I just can’t remember if it is. Do we have a Player’s Handbook? MATT: Wood, stone, iron, copper, or silver. LIAM: Brass is not on it, okay. Then I’m going to spend the last 30 minutes before bed trying to slowly wedge the pearl out of the ring. I don’t want the ring. MATT: Okay, make a general strength check. LAURA: The pearl pops out and flies across the room, never to be found again. LIAM: 15. MATT: 15? It doesn’t take you too long. Working on it back and forth you eventually have enough give where the four claws that hold the pearl into the ring set eventually give way and it pops out. It does hit the ground and roll and you quickly catch up to it and grab it. SAM: It’s bronze? LIAM: Brass. SAM: Brass, okay. LIAM: I take what’s left of the ring and I throw it across the room for Frumpkin to go chasing it across. MATT: Frumpkin just watches it land. (thunk, thunk) LIAM: Go chase that. MATT: (meows) TRAVIS: While everybody is going up to their rooms, can I stay down– are you staying down? TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going upstairs, I’m going to pass out on the floor. TRAVIS: I’ll stay downstairs and do some people-watching. Call it character study. MATT: Okay, yeah. Looking about, at this point in the evening most of it is filtering out. The few stragglers there are the older folks, grizzled farmhands with sunburned skin, thick fingers that have seen a lot of field work, a lot of them reminiscing about days of old, some of them talking about some folks they know that were lost over the previous events, but they seem drunk enough to at least be smiling and laughing about these old stories they bring up. You continue to study these personalities, I imagine you’re probably taking in quirks, taking in elements of their body language, their vocal intonations for your own purposes. TRAVIS: Very well. MATT: Okay. As you all eventually close the evening, the morning sun comes to, with Nott sleeping in a little further after staying up late creating a vial of acid. TRAVIS: Please tell me she has bedhead. LAURA: One ear’s up. MATT: What do you guys want to do? MARISHA: Hey, Jester? LAURA: Hey, what? MARISHA: I want to show you something. LAURA: Okay, what? MARISHA: You know how I stole some shit from the Baumbauchs on our way out of town? Most of it’s boring shit, but I stayed up and I was trying to solve it and figure some of this stuff out. Take a look at this, what do you think? LAURA: Okay. I’m really smart, so I’ll probably be able to figure it out. “Demedan, your request has "been approved and the toordolbo extract will be arriving in a case of rose wine from the Evening "Nip in the coming week. Many Gifts, The Gentleman.” MARISHA: (whispering) The Gentleman. Who’s the Gentleman? LAURA: I don’t know, but I like your addition of “douche” to Demedan, I agree. MARISHA: Uh-huh, I wanted to put a reminder for myself. LAURA: Oh yeah, who specializes in a rosé? You’re right, that’s weird. Especially not the Baumbauchs. MARISHA: No, the Baumbauchs don’t make rosé. LAURA: No, they make, like, ale. MARISHA: You’re right. The place where I came from, you got– certain regions are going to make certain kinds of wines. That might tell us where it’s come from. And, what do you think– I think the “oblodoro” I think that’s a code. LAURA: “Toordolbo.” MARISHA: I think it’s bloodroot. LAURA: Oh, bloodroot, that’s good. MARISHA: That sounds like a thing, right? LAURA: What if it’s the “boltodoor?” MARISHA: That’s a possibility. I haven’t ruled anything out yet. LAURA: Bloodroot is probably pretty good, though. MARISHA: Do I know of bloodroot? MATT: Make a nature check. MARISHA: Nature check. LAURA: Would I know bloodroot? MATT: Make a nature check. You both may make a nature check in this moment, in a strike of inspiration. LAURA: 20! MARISHA: Better than me. 13. MATT: Okay, you’ve heard it somewhere. Nothing big, but, like, bloodroot, I’ve heard of it. You know it. It’s a unique flower that is pretty in its own right, but you know it because the places where it’s used are usually fenced off in a way that children can’t get to them because they are known to be poisonous. Not to the point of death, but to the point of severe nausea and vomiting upon ingestion. LAURA: Oh, bloodroot. That’s right, it’s a type of flower, super-duper red. I know because I tried to make a paint out of one of the flowers one time and it made me want to like seriously puke my guts out. And do the spins, if you know what I mean. Super bad. That’s bad. MARISHA: And they’re wanting an extract, so– LAURA: That means it would be extra strong, yeah. MARISHA: Are the Baumbauchs trying to poison people?! LAURA: Oh my gosh! Well, the Gentleman wants to poison people. Oh, no, the Baumbauchs, yeah, I understand. Wow, do we need to tell someone about this? MARISHA: No. Just keep it in the back of your head if you hear something, if something spikes your interest– LAURA: If we hear about an outbreak of people vomiting– MARISHA: –or about a Gentleman. LAURA: Or about a rosé. MARISHA: And an Evening Nip. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I want to know about these evening nipples– evening nip. TRAVIS: There you go, Freudian slip. LAURA: In the coming week! That’s soon. When did you steal this? MARISHA: How many days has it been? MATT: It’s been probably, at this point, four days, would be my guess. LAURA: Oh my gosh, what if we could intercept it? Then we could have all of the poison, and the nips. MARISHA: Interesting. LAURA: I like it. MARISHA: Let’s keep this– we’ll workshop it. LAURA: Let’s make a decision! MARISHA: You– LAURA: We just did it! MARISHA: Yeah we did, we definitely did. LAURA: Oh man, I’m really hungry, though, I’m going to go downstairs. MARISHA: Let’s get some food. MATT: You guys all wake up and get your breakfast situated and sorted, Nott joining you a little later on, but you are fed, the morning is fresh, what would you like to do? TRAVIS: Well, I guess it’s time to collect on those ears, right? LAURA: These ears. TRAVIS: Yes, those ears. MATT: Asking around, you’re eventually led to where Bryce’s location is. Apparently they are in the process of going through paperwork in the Salt Trench Jail. That’s where the prisoners of Alfield, this podunk town, keep there imprisoned. Being led to this small but functional shack of stone and dried wood, eventually Bryce emerges, not fully armored, but they’re wearing comfortable robes with a bit of the ceremonial maroon and gold that a lot of the Crownsguard and members of that political faction seem to wear. As they emerge, you see Bryce’s face brighten up as they say, “You’re awake! Come, I’ve been able to gather enough pay for your deeds the other day. Please, "do step inside.” They lead you over to their desk. “How many set of ears have been procured?” LAURA: 19 sets. MATT: “19 sets?” LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Or 19 total? LAURA: No, it was 19 sets, I marked down sets. Technically Matt, I’m not telling Bryce this, five of those sets are hyenas. 14 of those are gnolls for sure. MATT: Bryce has a hard time telling the difference at the moment, having been overworked and stressed with the recent goings-on. LIAM: (whispering) We are assholes. MATT: Counting through, they finish each bit counted. “That comes to–” They pull up a small chest and begin to count out change into a large sack. Then that fills up into a secondary sack, into a third one, finishing with, “A total of 570 gold pieces.” LAURA: We also brought home live people and also some dead people. We brought home seven dead bodies. MATT: “Seven dead bodies at five gold per seven, that will come to 35 gold pieces as well.” Which they fill out for you. “Then the live ones were how many?” LAURA: 25 gold a piece. How many live people did we bring back? I didn’t have those in jars. MARISHA: There were the two. SAM: Jules, Petrov, Herma– LIAM: I would remember exactly. I don’t, but I do. LAURA: That’s right I did write down Herma and Jules, Petrov. SAM: Then there was a couple that Shakäste had in the– LAURA: Oh wait! LIAM: Hold because if he knows he has to tell me because I picked the right feat for it. LAURA: Oh that’s right. MATT: There were five specifically that you managed to save actively from the tunnel. Shakäste had already saved an additional seven. (cheering) TRAVIS: Damn! SAM: We’re fucking rich! LAURA: Wait, did anybody write down the amount that he said? MARISHA: 570 for the gnolls, 35 for the– LIAM: A hundred a piece already. MATT: And a fourth sack is presented as they count out 300-ish more gold pieces. LAURA: Oh my gosh! That’s so good! MATT: That’s a little over a hundred gold each. LAURA: That’s so great! MATT: Not bad, almost can afford a suit of armor. TRAVIS: A-Fjord? MATT: Don’t instigate it! You’ll regret it. LAURA and MARISHA: 150 gold a piece! SAM: Are we going to divvy it up? LIAM: We are so excited over chump change to Vox Machina. MATT: After all the counting is done Bryce is writing down feverishly, “For my own ledgers, because I do have to present this paperwork to the crown for the approval of these rewards, what do we call you?” LAURA: We should have talked about this. What do you guys think? SAM: We’re very strong. LAURA: That’s true we are. We’re very strong. TALIESIN: We have to leave a paper trail, is that a thing that actually has to happen? LAURA: What if we’re The Strong? TRAVIS: We’re like the mighty. LAURA: The Mighty! That’s good! MARISHA: Hey there new guy, you know good words that like sound cool in Zemnian right? LIAM: We are The Mighty Nein. LAURA: Nein? MARISHA: Nein! MATT: The Mighty Nein. TALIESIN: I can buy that. TRAVIS: Yeah, why not? There’s one, two, three, four– LIAM: It’s just a spelling that is tricky. MATT: “Please, do spell it for me.” LIAM: Yeah ‘Mighty’ in Common is spelled M-I– TRAVIS: I will pull your beard off your face. LIAM: H– LAURA: Oh my god! LIAM: –T-Y. MATT: “Yes?” LIAM: Now we come to the next word. N-E-I-N. LIAM: We are The Mighty Nein. MATT: “I feel like I was part of something crowd sourced similar to this.” I feel like I’ve been part of a game call “Mighty Number Nine.” LAURA: Oh. Really? MATT: Yeah. It’s a game that I– It’s a Mega Man– LIAM: Nein, nein, nein. SAM: That’s the number nine. MATT: Yes, I know. Oh that game. Anyway! LIAM: Oh this game. MATT: “All right, The Mighty Nein, that is on the paperwork. Are you staying a while in Alfield then? LAURA: Are we staying here? I mean, do you want to keep hiring us for always? MATT: "I don’t have much in the way of work here for your type at the moment.” TRAVIS: You seem to be at peace with the current situation, I think it might be in our best interest that we moved on. TALIESIN: Passing through. MATT: “Whereabouts are you going?” LAURA: We’re going to Zadash. MATT: “Interesting, well that’s much larger for the tastes of most field folk out here. I lived there for about three years when I was younger, in the West Outersteads before joining the Crownsguard and shipping off to Bladegarden. If you are indeed off to Zadash and are in need of a friend, if she’s still there. Ask for Claudia Sheed at the Leaky Tap. LIAM: Sheet, did you say Sheet? MATT: "Claudia Sheed.” MARISHA: At the Leaky Tap? MATT: “At the Leaky Tap at the East Outersteads.” LAURA: Oh, I should ask you, is that like the big inn, the big place? MATT: “It is of moderate size.” LAURA: What would be the biggest inn in Zadash? Like the biggest place that if you go like, “Oh, I need to find the biggest inn in Zadash,” this is what it is? MATT: That would be the The Pillow Trove. That’s in Tri-Spires. I don’t know if you can afford that? I don’t know, maybe you can! I don’t know.“ LAURA: I just need the most popular one, because that’s where my mom is going be sending me stuff. The Pillow Trove. MATT: "Good luck.” SAM: That’s where we’re staying? TALIESIN: No. That’s a fancy inn. LIAM: Was is pillow or pillar? MATT: “The Pillow Trove. But The Leaky Tap I recommend. Claudia’s great; she owns the place if she’s still there.” LAURA: Leaky Tap? MATT: Leaky Tap. MARISHA: Not Tavern, Tap. LIAM: Leaky Tap Tavern? MATT: “Certain, fine. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and at the very least she may be able to guide you to anything you’re looking for. Hopefully. Oh! I almost forgot, follow me please.” They stand up and close the ledger and lead you outside. About two blocks down by the outside of the stables, titled the On The Wind Stables. There you see outside a hardy looking female dragonborn. Rotund and strong, no tail, who is black scaled, turns around as you approach and gives a quick hand up to Bryce and Bryce approaches. “Ah, thank you Durmas. Everyone this is Durmas. She is the main stable hand here at the On The Wind. We’ve taken, as a bit of appreciation here, we’ve outfitted you with a new cart as the previous one was a bit– It had carried many of our dead, so Durmas.” And Durmas steps forth and says, “Great. I have presented for you this cart that we had made. It belonged to somebody here, but it is now yours. It is well made, it is larger than what you had previously and does not smell of blood and feces.” SAM and TALIESIN: Yet! (laughter) LIAM: Give us a day. MATT: “Very well.” She steps back and starts getting the two horses, one that you had brought along and the other that you had discovered out there. They’ve already been hitched to the cart. TRAVIS: Have they had water? MATT: Fed and watered, cleaned, brushed. SAM: Is that enough horses? Should we be getting two more to pull us faster? TRAVIS: Two is pretty decent, I think. LAURA: Is it? SAM: For six? LAURA: You’re little. LIAM: Watchmaster, I’m sorry it slipped my mind. Is there anywhere still open in town after all of the carnage that sells inks and paper? MATT: “I’m sure that can be done. Yes, I can lend you some. I wish you’d told me back in the office.” LIAM: I’m sorry, but I’m looking for the highest quality ink. Do you know what I mean? MATT: “I think I do, and I don’t know if this is the city to find that, unfortunately. You have much better luck in Zadash.” LIAM: Okay, thank you. MATT: “Of course.” LAURA: Before we leave, can you tell me where Starosta Kosh’s office is? MATT: You watch as they smile a bit based on your sudden interest and they say, “Why do you ask?” LAURA: Oh, we have some unfinished business. MATT: “Best that I summon him? But I can retrieve him.” LAURA: All right. SAM: (whispering) Because he’s balls deep right now. (laughter) MATT: “I’ll be right back. We’ve taken–” And at that point you hear a slapping sound, you watch as Shumas the dragonborn, she’s taken the large manticore head. And is chained into the side and slammed it on to the side of the cart. You still have that. LIAM: Did you say her name was Shumas? MATT: Shumas– oh no! Durmas! Sorry. LAURA: Dermis is what I wrote down. MARISHA: I wrote down Dermis, yeah! MATT: No, Shumas is a region in Marquet, sorry. I have too much in my brain. TRAVIS: Du, Du mas! Du mas mich! LIAM: This is the best campaign ever! TALIESIN: I was trying so hard not to say it. MATT: We can slowly crash every song’s YouTube’s comments now. LIAM: I’m so sorry, Mr. DeAngelo, my high school German teacher! We’re going forward. MARISHA: My high school German teacher’s first language was Spanish. It was real weird. LIAM: What was their name? MARISHA: I don’t remember her name. LIAM: Okay, mine was Jim DeAngelo. He’s the principal now. I’m sure he’s very proud of me. MATT: As you guys are getting your stuff situated onto the cart, eventually you watch as four crownsguard approach along with Bryce and the small robed gnomish figure of Starosta Kosh. “Right, I’ve been summoned. What is your business?” LAURA: Yes. Hi! Starosta, it’s so wonderful to see you again. MATT: “I’ve been told that you did a great service for Alfield and for that I am very thankful.” LAURA: Yes. I was thinking a really good thing you could do for us in return is to give my friend Fjord here a letter of recommendation to the Academy. MATT: “What?” LAURA: He did a great service to your city. MATT: “And you have been paid handsomely for it. As the Watchmaster has notified me.” LAURA: Starosta, it’s good to see you again. It’s been a while, about, hold on. I get out my sketchbook and I look through it. Maybe like eight years almost? Your hair hasn’t changed though, you should change it. MATT: “I’m confused? This is strange, but no I believe that our business is complete.” LAURA: The Ruby of The Sea says hello. MATT: You watch as his face loses color. His hand drops to his side. “Um. I will be happy to write you a letter of recommendation, but I cannot assure you that it will be accepted as there are many points of acceptance within the Academy. And is quite a bit of travel to Rexxentrum anyway. Is this to the actual Soltryce?” LAURA: Of course. TRAVIS: If you wouldn’t mind, that would be most kind of you. MATT: “Very well, it will be done in just a moment. What is your name?” TRAVIS: Fjord. SAM: There’s a j in it. LAURA: Make sure he spells it right, Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah, F-J-O-R-D. Fjord. MATT: “Have you a surname?” TRAVIS: No. SAM: Tough. (laughter) MATT: Fuck you! (hysterical laughter) TALIESIN: Just been sitting on that shit, haven’t you? TRAVIS: We’re not going to make it through all of them. MATT: Oh, I was keeping it together so well. Here, buddy. LIAM: Thank you. MATT: “I’ll return in the next 15 minutes.” Starosta turns and gives a long look of simmering fury behind a forced smile to Jester. Spins around then walks off in a haughty march to wherever he came from. LAURA: He really should have changed his hair, I mean it’s pretty hideous. TALIESIN: You may be my new hero. TRAVIS: How is it that you saw him before? LAURA: Oh, he visited my mother years ago. MARISHA: And your mother’s The Ruby of The Sea? LAURA: Yes, The Ruby of The Sea. You’ve heard of her? MARISHA: I have now. Have I heard of her? MATT: Make a history check. TRAVIS: Can I do that, too? MATT: You may. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me. That’s a natural one. TALIESIN: I don’t get a bonus, right? MATT: You actually wouldn’t have. TALIESIN: Okay, no that’s fine. Oh, I wouldn’t have heard? MATT: No. It’s outside of the Empire. TRAVIS: 23 investigation? MATT: It’s history. TRAVIS: Oh, history. 21. MATT: Okay. This makes sense for you since you grew up in the Menagerie Coast, though in Port Damali. The Ruby of the Sea is well known in some circles. You’ve only heard rumors. Belongs to an establishment that specializes in all forms of socializing, entertainment, and is one of the most prominent brothels in the Menagerie Coast, in which the Ruby of the Sea is known to be the star courtesan. Many travel all across the Menagerie Coast and beyond, supposedly, to be within her company. Many have fallen in love with her and had their hearts broken. There are poems and songs that have wandered through bars and taverns that spoke of her, that first caught your interest. It seems like a faint, distant tale that was just a myth that people made up or someone spoke of. Ruby of the Sea, it sounds amorphous. TRAVIS: Of course, I remember now. The Ruby of the Sea, I can’t believe she’s your mother. SAM: Is she a jeweler? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: Not exactly. No, she entertains gentlemen. She’s hard to describe, a performer, an entertainer or– LAURA: Well, she’s mostly known for her hmm-hmm-hmm. Outside of that, her voice is amazing, you should hear her sing. LIAM: What does that mean? LAURA: What does what mean? LIAM: Hmm-hmm-hmm. LAURA: She has sex for money! Mostly, I mean, people pay her a large sum. It’s like three guys mostly, she keeps a few people at a time. She doesn’t see everybody because she’s super famous. TRAVIS: Yeah, the name has made itself known all along the coast. You’d be lucky to find yourself in her company, at least how I’ve heard it. LAURA: You would, you really would. MARISHA: Is that what that song is about? LAURA: (singing) The Ruby of the Sea is the best lay ever! SAM: It’s a translation, I think. SAM and LIAM: It sounds better in the original Infernal. (laughter) TRAVIS: Is the best lay ever, oh god. MARISHA: I’m so glad I set that up. No regrets. TRAVIS: The best lay ever. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh shit. MATT: A well-known bar jingle all across Wildemount. SAM: It’s the whole song. TRAVIS and MARISHA: (singing) The Ruby of the Sea is the best lay ever! MATT: It’s more of a jingle than a song, really. LIAM: I’m picturing a public access infomercial. MARISHA: (singing) The Ruby of the Sea, the best lay ever! MATT: (singing) 800-588-Ruby of the Sea now! Today! Anyway. SAM: So you’re the daughter of a celebrity. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: How was that, growing up in fame and fortune? LAURA: Well, I wouldn’t know exactly, because she never told anybody that I was there. I bet if she had, it would’ve been crazy. LIAM: Then where were you at this point? LAURA: You know, in my room. SAM: Just trapped in your room? LAURA: Well, no I wasn’t trapped, but you know– LIAM: Did you get to go to the park, did she read you stories, did she do the things that parents do? LAURA: She read me some stories. And a lot of times I would listen at the door and hear her sing. MARISHA: Did she tell people about you? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: I imagine that would affect her business a little. LAURA: Exactly. I totally understand, she loves me so much. She really, really does. It’s just, you know, people frown upon courtesans with daughters. TALIESIN: Very fair. LIAM: I am sorry, you are from the south, yeah? LAURA: Mm-hmm. LIAM: I am from the north. Does this include also, besides the hmm-hmm-hmm, singing and poetry, you said? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: So she was skilled as an artisan as well. LAURA: Yes! That’s why I’m such a good painter. LIAM: That’s fascinating, for real. MARISHA: Did she teach you your spell and fighting talents? LAURA: Oh, no, that came from the Traveler. LIAM: How did you– never mind. TRAVIS: And this is why you’re looking for your dad? LAURA: Well, yes. SAM: Was he a client of your mother’s? LAURA: Well, yes. But– I feel so nervous all of a sudden, everybody’s looking at me. SAM: We can look away. MARISHA: Yeah, we’ll– keep talking. LAURA: Okay, so they were totally in love and she was going to marry him, and he was totally in love with her and he was going to marry her, and they said they were going to get married, and then she got pregnant with me, and he said– they got married and he was going to go set up his house, and then he just never came back. SAM: That’s very sad. LAURA: I know, it is really sad. SAM: So are you going to find him to meet him and know him, or to seek revenge upon him? LAURA: No, I’m going to find him so that I have somewhere to live because I’m not allowed to be at the house anymore. SAM: Why aren’t you allowed to be at the house anymore? LAURA: Well, because I’m kind of in trouble in Nicodranas. SAM: What did you do? LAURA: Well, because I sort of played a prank on this guy who was seeing my mom. SAM: What kind of a prank? LAURA: Well– so the Traveler taught me how to make myself look like other people, right? SAM: Okay. LAURA: So, I made myself look like my mom, and then I lured him out onto our balcony and he was wearing nothing but this girdle of hers. And then I locked the door. And I thought that was funny, you know? SAM: That is funny– LAURA: It looked really good in my sketchbook. SAM: So he was just out there in a girdle. LAURA: Yeah, which is no big deal. But then I found out he’s a lord. SAM: And you embarrassed him? LAURA: He was really pissed off. LIAM: Was it nighttime or daytime? LAURA: It was in the day. MARISHA: How many people saw? LAURA: Oh, everyone! MARISHA: That’s so great! LAURA: It was so great. But he said he wanted to kill me and they said– MARISHA: That’s not great. LAURA: –that was cool and he could. So my mom was like, “Go!” and I was like, “Okay.” SAM: What was his name, so we can avoid him? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Or not avoid him. LAURA: Lord something something. SAM: Let’s avoid all Lords. TALIESIN: I’m all right with that. LAURA: Lord Robert something something. SAM: Robert. LAURA: I’ll remember it eventually. LIAM: Funny is funny. He should have a better sense of humor. LAURA: I thought so, too! He looked really good. MARISHA: What’s wrong with being in a girdle? LAURA: I know, right? MARISHA: Very waist cinching. Skirt. TALIESIN: I’m wearing one right now. SAM: I bet you are! TALIESIN: No, I’m not. I’m actually just built this way. I could be, I’m built like I am. MARISHA: That’s pretty crazy. So you think you can actually– hang on, why do you want to live with your dad that you never met? Why not just go do your own thing? LAURA: Well, I mean– LIAM: Your father is your father, how could you not be curious about your father? LAURA: I know, right? I mean, I’ve never met him, I thought it would be cool. That’s who I was looking for when I met Fjord, over there. MARISHA: Sometimes fathers are disappointing. LIAM: But it is still your right to know your parents. Who they are, you have to understand where you came from. LAURA: I mean, he’s supposed to be pretty darn cool. He wears lots of rings on his fingers too, you guys! SAM: Do you know his name? MATT: “Ahem!” You look and see that the Crownsguard are approaching. And there’s the Starosta Kosh there with a rolled up piece of parchment which he presents with a broad smile. “As you requested.” LAURA: Thank you, kind sir. MATT: “Of course, it’s everything I can do. Now, be on your way.” LAURA: Fjord, it’s your letter. MATT: “Go! Please.” LAURA: Bye. MATT: He huffs off, they all begin to leave as you guys go to your cart. The Watchmaster comes up one last time and they say, “Sincerely, you’ve saved many lives and… A paltry sum I could get approved, but know that you have my gratitude. LAURA: Thank you, Bryce. MATT: "Of course. Good luck to you. I hope our paths cross again.” LAURA: Me too. If you see a girl named Yasha, let her know we are on our way to Zadash. SAM: She’s tall. MATT: “Yasha?” SAM: Yasha. She carries flowers. LAURA: She’s super scary looking, but she’s got a heart of gold. TALIESIN: Extremely charming. MARISHA: Very in shape. MATT: “I’ll try my best.” SAM: Black chin. TALIESIN: Wearing a girdle. (laughter) MATT: “All right.” LIAM: What are you talking about, the bouncer? TALIESIN: Oh, she makes her way back every now and then. LAURA: Yeah, Yasha said she was going to catch up with us, I believe her. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, plus she looks like she can handle herself in a fight. She’d be most welcome. TALIESIN: She can. LAURA: Do you want to hold on to your letter, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah, I would love that, thank you, Jester. LAURA: You’re welcome, of course. I told you I would get you to the Academy. MARISHA: That was smooth. I’m into it. TALIESIN: I forgot to say this is the most pleasant experience I’ve ever had at a city building before. I could get used to this. MARISHA: Yeah, the hero worship is kind of nice. LAURA: Yeah, right? SAM: Are we sure we want to leave this place? People like us here. LAURA: It’s only a matter of time before they don’t. LIAM: We have to go. TALIESIN: It’s like you were born in the circus. I’m so impressed. MARISHA: It’s so true. Yeah, let’s leave while we’re on a high note. LIAM: We want to find a bigger city to disappear into. SAM: Okay. MARISHA: Hey, Caleb. LIAM: Ja. MARISHA: Do you have kids? LIAM: No. TALIESIN: Insight check. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: 20. MATT: 20? Seems, straight and narrow. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: Did you have kids? LIAM: No. MARISHA: Insight check. 14. MATT: Hard to read, but it seems to be fairly forthright. MARISHA: You just have some paternal qualities. Just you know– LIAM: You know I think maybe you are confusing my good friend and I. You know, she’s very little, and I am taller. So, it does have that sort of father-daughter look, but you know well, that’s not exactly what it is. SAM: No, no, no. I’m a goblin. LIAM: Yeah. You know if anything– I’ve never really said this out loud before, but if anything you’re more like a Schwester, a little sister to me. SAM: That’s nice. LAURA: How old are you, Nott? Are you a little goblin? Or are you a normal adult goblin? SAM: Well, you know, the funny things about goblins is we don’t really celebrate birthdays or anything so it’s hard for me to know exactly. There’s no real holidays in clans. LAURA: Are you fully grown or are you still growing? SAM: I’m of child bearing age. So I’m about somewhere between six and nine. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: What is today? SAM: So that’s like a grown– almost grown goblin. LAURA: Oh, okay. SAM: Yeah, but like I said is really hard for me to tell. It’s not like we had a party every year. TALIESIN: Birthdays are shite. LIAM: What is today in this world, DM? MATT: As far as the date? LIAM: Yes. LAURA: Are you okay? MARISHA: No. TALIESIN: Did you have one of those sneezes that actually break something? TRAVIS: You know when you sneeze and turn, and pulls the rib out. MARISHA: I think I just pulled a rib. MATT: I have to go and look that up. LIAM: Well I will tell you, we’ll get to that, but I think today we call your birthday. SAM: Today we’re calling my birthday? LIAM: Yeah, you know, we never talked about that. I didn’t realize that, so today is your Geburtstag, today is your birthday. LAURA: Today is your birthday, Nott? SAM: Apparently. What day is it? LIAM: He doesn’t know. He will tell us later. SAM: All right. Well for right now, let’s say it’s Thursday. LIAM: Every year on a Thursday it is your birthday. SAM: All right. LIAM: Happy birthday. TRAVIS: Congratulations, Nott. SAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: This is a very special occasion. SAM: Do you know a birthday song too? LAURA: No. I’m sorry. But I do have this pickle in my bag. SAM: (screams) Is it old? LAURA: It was sitting in the jar and I put it in my bag because we put the ears in here. LIAM: Congratulations, today you are a mighty nine. MATT: It is the 12th of Fessuran. LAURA: Oh yes, Fessuran. MATT: It’s getting towards the start of fall. SAM: It’s already Fessuran!? It feels like “Huvnufn.” LIAM: The pumpkin lattes have come out… SAM: Well, thank you, Caleb. LIAM: Well I didn’t do anything, you got me a pile of gold, so thank you. SAM: All right. MATT: (coughing) SAM: Oh, sorry, we’ll leave now. MATT: On the other side there is Durmas leaning on one of the horses. “All right, so, your horses are ready, your cart is ready.” LAURA and TALIESIN: We should go. MATT: “You should probably go.” LAURA: Let’s go. MATT: All right. Durmas gets behind and pushes the cart out as the horses clomp out. “My business is paid, good luck.” She goes back into the stable and goes about her work. TALIESIN: Oh the open road. LAURA: Back on the road again. TRAVIS: It’s crisp out. LAURA: I like it. Who is going to be driving this thing? TALIESIN: I could drive this thing. SAM: I tried it last time, maybe I’ll try again this time. TRAVIS: I like it. MATT: Animal handling check. SAM: Animal handling? MATT: Yeah. SAM: 19! LAURA: Oh, hey we’re getting better! TALIESIN: With an 18 bonus. MATT: A slight flick of the reins watching your various allies previously travel with a controlled snap, the horses lurch and (clopping). SAM: Yeehaw! (laughter) TALIESIN: That was a good one. MATT: With that, you guys make yourselves westward through the central streets of Alfield. A few folks come out and watch you leave, those who were present for the evening, and with a final silent nod and smile you make your way back onto the Amber Road heading northward deep into the Marrow Valley on your way to Zadash. And we’re going to take a break there. (cheering) MATT: Yay! LIAM: Come on in! LAURA: Marisha is broken! LIAM: Come on broken McGee. TRAVIS: You fucking busted a rib did you? MATT: Yeah, she did. She was coughing too hard the week before last. LAURA: Are you okay? MATT: How are you doing? TRAVIS: Yeah, you pulled it. Want me to get it? MARISHA: There’s shit cracking. Something popped. TRAVIS: Yeah, when you sneezed and you turned and lean away from it, boy. MARISHA: I was trying to defend the table. LIAM: You’ve got to Lethal Weapon that shit. MARISHA: I’m going to take some Advil. MATT: Yeah, you go do that. I’m going to take care of my wife here in a minute. All right guys, we’ll be back here in a little bit from the break continuing the story as they head to the open road, heading northward towards Zadash on the Amber Road. We have our contest from Wyrmwood this week, they’re giving away two more of their awesome Kickstarter boxes. This is– LIAM: Oh shit, look at that. MATT: Those who haven’t see it. Get the fuck out of this thing. There it is! It is their awesome– what is this called? Is this the– TALIESIN: It’s the– LIAM and LAURA: Tamarind. MATT: Freaking awesome, here comes the dice box, and then it has this case which has inside of it dice, pen– LAURA: Look at that pen. MATT: It’s freaking great. A little section there for keeping a mini or whatever else you want to put in there, we’re giving away two of these at the break so be prepared. Through a misunderstanding, you don’t have to wait for a prompt, as soon as we go to break you can enter in the chat. So I apologize if I’ve been fucking with people, that’s on me, that’s my fault. For this week, the keyword is Gates, G-A-T-E-S, so when we go to the break enter the Twitch chat room. You can only enter it once, if you enter it more than once you’ll be disqualified. I’ll have two winners for you who will win two of this delightful things from my friends at Wyrmwood Gaming when we return. See you in just a minute. [break] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back. Before we hop back in, the two winners of the Wyrmwood giveaway are Jevons and Nicholas Fernandez. Jevons and Nicholas Fernandez, congratulations, you guys won. Danoba will contact you and get your information so we can get that sent out to you, so congrats. All right, everyone seems ready and iced. TRAVIS: Yep. Marisha. MARISHA: Uh-huh? TRAVIS: Stay frosty. LIAM: Stop! MARISHA: Don’t make me laugh! TRAVIS: She shouldn’t laugh at that. MARISHA: This is some bullshit. TRAVIS: A rib will be pulled when you turn and sneeze. MATT: Yeah. Don’t turn and sneeze! MARISHA: Therapeutic D&D right now. MATT: Exactly. Speaking of which, guys. You’ve begun your trek northward back on the Amber Road, passing through the high grass fields, the rolling hills. The sky grows more cloudy, and as the day progresses, uneventful, three horses carrying crownsguard are patrolling down the Amber Road and pass by, and watch them nod as they continue on. As you continue down, for the remainder of the day– you guys probably left around noon. Eight hours of travel, would say is a standard travel day for a horse, so that’ll be just past sunset. LAURA: Well, Nott slept in until noon, so we probably left a couple of hours after that. MATT: That’s true. So you get back a little bit on the travel. Not too bad. Continuing on, you hit sunset, and your horse could go for a few more hours. Do you wish to continue to travel in the night? Follow the road? LIAM: No, why would we be ambitious like that? We’re not in a hurry. LAURA: Is there a good place to make shelter? TALIESIN: I’d say we pull off if we see something really nice. MATT: Right as the sky begins to grow dark enough to threaten vision for distant vision, at least. You use darkvision, you have a closer proximity. MARISHA: I put on my goggles way too early. I’m super stoked about them. (laughter) LAURA: I’m just seeing you at Burning Man. MARISHA: Yeah, totally! 100 percent! That’s kind of how I imagined them is Burner goggles. MATT: The sky is as dark and the distance is as hard to see. But nearby, there’s some decent shapes and outlines. LIAM: Ferris Bueller, all the time. MATT: Yep. LIAM: I’m sorry. Don’t laugh. MATT: “Are you in here for drugs?” “No. What are you in for?” “Drugs.” You don’t see any landmarks that would gather your attention to be a place to stay or stop at or rest for the evening. Your best plans would be to look for something not far off the road in the natural environment to make camp. Who is helming that expedition? LAURA: I’ll help him. MATT: Both you guys roll perception. LAURA: Did you roll good? TALIESIN: I did! 19! Thank you, Gil. LAURA: 17. MATT: Okay. You find a small clearing that looks to be a handful of rocks that were partially lodged into the ground long ago that have since been overgrown with moss and grass. But there is a bit a small opening where it looks to be the remains of charcoal. A fire has once, or many times, been built and then put out there. So it looks like a standard place where people have set up camp while making their trips up and down the Amber Road. Easy enough to do. So you guys set up for the evening? You gather yourselves around, build a small fire. LAURA: You should use your glove and make a fire for us. TRAVIS: Oh, right before the day goes? LAURA: Well. Unless something attacks us again. LIAM: If you are going to do that, we all need to stand 50 feet back. LAURA: Why? LIAM: Because it’s not a little (fut fut). It’s a big one. LAURA: Oh, okay. Never mind then. Who has a (fut fut)? LIAM: I have a (fut fut). LAURA: Okay, then do it. LIAM: (fire burning) MATT: It doesn’t make much of a (fut fut), much to your disappointment. But a fire is built. You all begin to bed down for the evening, and who’s taking first watch? LIAM: I am. MATT: Okay. You can break it up between, probably let’s say, three watches over a casual evening. TRAVIS: I’ll take the second. MARISHA: I’ll take the last. MATT: Perception check from you, please. LIAM: Yeah, okay. Ten. MATT: Okay. An uneventful evening continues for you. You trade off to Fjord. Fjord, make a perception check. TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: Your mighty nine allows you to keep an eye out as the dark perimeter seems to bring no shapes or movements of interest other than the occasional sound of the wind blowing through the fields and the distant dark. Then your watch is up. Beauregard, perception check, please. MARISHA: Seven. LAUDA: Oh god! LIAM: It’s gotten lower and lower. MATT: Keeping an eye out, best you can, the sleep takes you eventually and you end up cheating on the last few hours of your watch. Nevertheless, you all come to consciousness in the morning intact and fine. You begin your way further on the road for a second day. Now, who’s guiding the– I would say more of who’s keeping a perimeter watch during the next day’s journey? TRAVIS: I will. LAURA: I’ll help. MATT: All right. So one of you two, we’ll say that’s the case, make a perception check with advantage because of Jester’s aiding. TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester. LAURA: You’re welcome! TRAVIS: Oh jeez, that’s terrible. Nine! (laughter) MATT: Keeping with the theme of the name, I guess. TALIESIN: For the record, we’re hiding all of our valuables. If that’s okay. Making sure everything is stowed. I would assume we’re hiding all of– LAURA: You know how to do that because you’re on the road a lot. TALIESIN: Yeah, I know how. TRAVIS: That’s even worse! MARISHA: We did scoop up those chains, right? We put those in the wagon? LAURA: Yeah, of course! MATT: Yeah, those are still with you. LIAM: The shitty manacles? LAURA: Yeah! That we’ll sell to a blacksmith. LIAM: Yeah, excellent. MARISHA: Metal’s valuable, man. LAURA: Along with this giant sledgehammer! LIAM: That is a glaive. LAURA: No, I have a sledgehammer too. LIAM: Oh, that’s right! You also picked up a sledgehammer, yeah. Sledge! MATT: Continuing on for the rest of the day, eventually you pass by a small travel wagon. It’s similar to the size of the cart that you have, but it has some cushioned seats set up in the back. You look towards three, well dressed individuals that are looking miserable. They’re sitting in the back of the cart as it rides by with a single coachman whose single horse is pulling it along with a rather rapid pace. You watch as they begin to approach, the few bumps that hit the road are hitting them relatively hard because of the pace of which they’re keeping. Some of them kind of get flung up, and you watch their hair get mussed and they quickly put it back into place. MARISHA: What kind of cargo does it look like they have? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: I want to draw a sketch of them in a little pan popping like popcorn. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: As she’s doing that, I’m trying to get Jester’s attention. I’m like: Jester! Jester! LAURA: What? MARISHA: 13. (whispers) The Gentlemen. LAURA: (whispers) The Gentlemen. MATT: The best you can tell, the cargo within are personal bags. There’s nothing of what looks to be cargo cargo, at least what you have seen in previous bits of people that have traveled down here. Especially the trade caravan you passed on your way up to Alfield. This looks to be more of a personnel-based journey. They pass glaring as they look at your colorful variety of individuals. LAURA: Are they going the opposite direction than us? MATT: Yeah, heading south. LAURA: (whispering) Should I ask if they’re the Gentlemen? (shouting) Good to see you, Gentlemen! MARISHA: Gentlemen. Do any of them look– SAM: Like a gentleman? MARISHA: Like a gentleman. MATT: I mean, they’re well-dressed. They look to be of bourgeois class. Not upper crust, but better than most you’ve encountered on this side of the Empire at least. And they seem to almost– aside from glaring as you pass– pay no mind to any of your verbiage beyond, you motherfuckers. MARISHA: I think they thought we were patronizing them. LAURA: Oh. Yeah. Probably. MARISHA: We kind of were, though. LAURA: Yeah, kind of. MARISHA: What? LIAM: It worked. Never mind. MATT: All right. Continuing on for the remainder of the day, seeing nothing else that catches your eye along the journey, eventually the night comes to a close once more. You guys have pretty much hit the extent of your horses’ energy for the day’s travel right as the sun begins to set. So you can pull off and make another camp for this evening. LAURA: We find a good place? MATT: Who’s helming that one? LAURA: I mean, we did such a good job last time. TALIESIN: Yeah, let’s do it again. MATT: Go for it! LAURA: Oh no, that is bad. TALIESIN: This is perception? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: 14. LAURA: Five. MATT: Not too– ooh, not good for you. That’s fine. Easy enough, you find– LAURA: I find grass! MATT: You find, maybe a few hundred feet off of the eastern side of the Amber Road, a small dip in the ground. It looks like an area where the earth seems to sink almost a bit. This crucible-type look for maybe 60 or so feet. There in the center, you see another well-used stop along the way. There’s some discarded, empty scraps of sack. You can see a couple of small stone rings where fires were previously set. There’s a lot of travel on this road, and so it’s not too difficult, if you’re keeping an eye out for a while, to find some place that’s been used over time as a place to rest for the evening. So you set up camp there without an issue. TALIESIN: Yeah. Set up again. LAURA: Do we put an alarm around us in case? LIAM: I do that every night. LAURA: Oh! Wonderful. LIAM: It’s just a given. LAURA: Nice. TALIESIN: That’s a griffin. LIAM: A gif-in. LAURA: Should we three take watch since those three took watch last time? TALIESIN: That’s only fair! SAM: Yes, that sounds good. TALIESIN: I’ll take watch number one! SAM: I’ll take number two! LAURA: I’ll take number three! LIAM: Yes, DM, I would like to say that, too. If we’re ever camping outside, just because Liam is a dumb fuck and will forget it. Every night, Caleb does silver thread around the group. MATT: Right. For a 20-foot cube. LIAM: Okay. That’s around us, yeah. MATT: All right. So after setting up your alarm– LIAM: (singing) It’s murder time in the campaign. MATT: As you complete your set up for the evening, make a perception check. TALIESIN: Six. TRAVIS: What the fuck?! We can’t roll perception for shit. TALIESIN: I shouldn’t have touched this die. This die has been nothing but trouble. MATT: Okay. You are sitting back for a minute , the fire crackling to a very diminutive ember. There’s just a bit of light slowly flickering off, framing the outer shapes of your various sleeping friends and companions. You don’t hear the snapping of twigs because it’s subtle enough. A brief tickle hits the back of your head, Caleb, as the thread perimeter is broken. LIAM: Nein, nein! Up. Up! MATT: As that happens, a voice goes, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you!” At which point, you immediately whip around and you guys see, in the vicinity, standing directly around where you’re sleeping, you see nine figures. MARISHA: Nine! Are they mightier than us, though? MATT: This number coming up is so creepy, you guys. They all look humanoid– some variation to height, but most of them seem to be standard human size. Various degrees of patchwork: hide armors, some leathers, a lot of what seems to be cobbled together and scrapped to build some sort of defense. You see a uniform mismatch of green, blues, and black cloths that are covering most of the faces. And hoods. MARISHA: Green and black? That’s weird. MATT: One’s green. One’s blue. Couple of black. MARISHA: Oh my god, we’re fighting the Ninja Turtles! SAM: That’d be purple, blue, and orange. MATT: Yeah, completely different thing. As you all begin to come to conscious and look around, you can see some of them have hand crossbows that they’re holding out in front. Two of them have heavy crossbows that are currently being held with two hands that are all locked in. There are a few of them that have shortswords drawn, one in each hand. They’re all threatening, but not raring to leap. The one that had spoken out against that, who’s right behind you, Molly. With his boot, presses it against the blade of one of your scimitars, and says, “I would recommend you just take a step away from that.” You feel this very sharp point of a nocked crossbow bolt that taps the back of your skull. TALIESIN: Oh, you’re so polite. How could I refuse? I just get up. I’m not turning around. Both my scimitars or just one of them? MATT: They’re both set in your usual, placed wrapping. Your ceremonial set before you go to bed at night. TALIESIN: I’m just going to walk to the cart, then. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Wait, do they have them? MATT: He’s stepping on them right now. TALIESIN: I’m walking to the cart. MATT: Okay. As you begin to walk towards the cart, which is breaking the perimeter of their holding, the ones on that side go (disapproving sounds). The one who spoke up before just goes, “All right. No big moves. No trouble wanted. Get your friends up. Place your valuables onto that cart for us, you have hitched over there. And we’ll leave you with your life. No worries– ” LIAM: I would like to cast Friends on that gentleman. MATT: Okay. Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: Ah, that’s very low. That is a five. MATT: As soon as you begin to– and, correct me if I’m wrong. Friends– actually, let me see here. Friends is– no! It’s– LIAM: Somatic and material. All I did was just do this with my thumb and I put a little bit of rouge on my cheek. MATT: Okay. Yeah, so your charisma checks. The spell seems to take an effect. LIAM: You’ll have to be careful. We are going for help. Medical help. We all have syphilis. Extreme syphilis. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Extreme. MARISHA: Oh my god, brilliant! LIAM: Is this with advantage, right? That’s the effect of the spell. MATT: Yeah, it gives you advantage. Yeah. LIAM: Yeah. Oh yeah. SAM: Ah, that’s some good syphilis. LIAM: That is a 22. TRAVIS: Cauliflower crotch, baby. LIAM: 22. We are riddled with it. MATT: You watch as one of the eyes over the face scarf closes and twitches. He goes, “Right, good to know. Then–” (Liam sneezes loudly) MATT: “I suppose we’re going to be leaving you unspoiled.” SAM: I’ll stand up and go next to Caleb, and say: Honey, did you tell them about our disease? LIAM: Oh, it’s so much worse! Pity on us, please. We are just trying to get medical help. MATT: “Then I suggest you all just get down on your knees and stay where you are. We’re just going to take your cart and what’s inside of it.” LIAM: What was that? MATT: Take the cart and what’s inside of it. They all begin to shift slowly, all keeping their weapons drawn, begin to move over towards the cart. One of them hops up into the back and begins rummaging through the stuff. TALIESIN: I wouldn’t touch that. That might, ooh. LAURA: Oh, no, that’s where we got our syphilis from! TALIESIN: There’s a severed head in there. MARISHA: Yeah, look out for that manticore head. They’re diseased. MATT: At which point, one of them pull over a cloth. He goes, “Jesus Chri–” They all turn around, weapons drawn again like, “What the fuck are these people doing?” LIAM: No, we might have tried a few things with that head, but, you know, we’ve paid the price. Clearly we have suffered enough! MATT: Looks over to Fjord. LAURA: He’s just laughing. MATT: “You also infected?” (laughter) LIAM: I mean, the amount of contact we have had, there is no question. You have to go. (dying noises) MATT: Make an intimidation check. LIAM: It’s not as good. MARISHA: Oh, come on. LAURA: Do you get advantage? Because he’s a friend? LIAM: On this, for with my Friends? MATT: This would be the very tail end of your Friends spell. LIAM: Is it the same guy? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Do it. LIAM: It’s better. It’s 13. MARISHA: Syphilis is intimidating, though. MATT: He looks to the rest of the guys. “I don’t know…” There’s a moment where the spell comes to an end and he goes, “Clever motherfucker.” MARISHA: Fuck their shit up! LIAM: Scorching Rays on that guy! LAURA: Spiritual Weapon! MARISHA: Fucking punch him in the face! TALIESIN: I’m going in the cart. MATT: Okay! Okay. Well, they had weapons drawn and were prepared for something. SAM: Sure. MATT: This is all going to happen simultaneously. LIAM: Yeah, mm-hmm. MATT: You’re attacking. What are you doing? LAURA: The guy that’s been talking. MATT: Okay. Scorching Ray to the guy who’s been talking as well? LIAM: Say again? MATT: Scorching Ray to the guy who’s been talking as well? LIAM: On the guy I put Friends on, yeah. MATT: Okay. SAM: Dodge and pick up my weapons. TALIESIN: I’m just trying to wait for the first crossbow bolt, and I’m going to hit them with a Vicious Mockery. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah, and I’m looking for the first crossbow bolt that’s going to go towards one of my friends and try and deflect it. MATT: Who are you going to get in front of? MARISHA: Am I near Caleb? Who am I near? MATT: You’re all in a clustered circle; you’re in your camp. Except for Molly, who’s– MARISHA: I’ll protect Caleb. He just pissed them off. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Fjord? TRAVIS: Yes. I’m firing. Yes. As well. MATT: Okay. Towards the main guy? TRAVIS: No, another one. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make your attack rolls, please. LAURA: Giant purple lollipop. MATT: Oh, you’re doing Spiritual Weapon. MARISHA: You busted out the lollipop? LAURA: I did. LIAM and MARISHA: (sings) Lollipop, lollipop, ooh lolli-lolli-lolli, lollipop, lollipop– LAURA: Oh god, you guys, keys. (cheek popping) LIAM and MATT and TALIESIN and TRAVIS: (singing deeply) Bum bum bum. LAURA: Is it plus five? I forget. MATT: Yes. SAM: It should say. LAURA: Okay, yeah, 15. MATT: 15? That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Yes. MATT: Caleb, make your attacks for the Scorching Ray. LIAM: Yeah, that’s an 18 to hit. MATT: Yes. The first one. LIAM: Okay. Oh, the first one, right! It’s three. MATT: Multiple rays. LIAM: Yeah, I forget. Sorry, it’s a brand new spell. LAURA: Seven points of damage. LIAM: Second one is a 24. MATT: Hits. LIAM: And the third one is a natural 20. MATT: All three hit. LIAM: Okay. The first is a 11, 12, 13, damn it. Ja. MARISHA: Is that a natural 20 on the– LIAM: (Gasps) 37. Total. LAURA: What!? MATT: 37 points of damage? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: All on one guy? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: It was three things of flame go shooting– Because I did this. (fire noises) SAM: Ooh, that’s Vax numbers. MATT: Immediately as that ray is released. That’s a 16 to hit? TRAVIS: (German accent) The fire starter! MATT: 21 to hit. LIAM: Oh, they’re attacking me? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: They all hit. MARISHA: Come on, Duraflame, come on. MATT: That’s a 19 to hit. LIAM: All three hit. MATT: And a 12 to hit. LIAM: Yeah, I think so. Yeah. MATT: Okay. LAURA: All at you? LIAM: As the flames go out, these come in. MATT: As the flames escape, four crossbow bolts: two of them are heavy, and two of them are light crossbow. MARISHA: I was holding my action for that crossbow bolt. For one at him. MATT: Correct. You went to intercede. I’ll allow you to take the hit on that one then. The damage goes through to you automatically. TALIESIN: Can I Blood Maledict one of them, or no? MATT: I’ll allow you to do one of them. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Well, technically I already made the attack rolls, and you didn’t say that. TALIESIN: Oh, okay. Never mind. MATT: That’s okay. That would have been seven points of piercing damage. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s a nine, plus seven. MATT: You catch one right before it hits Caleb. MARISHA: Can I go ahead and burn a ki to go back? MATT: You can! MARISHA: Bam. Doing that shit. MATT: That is a d10, plus your dexterity modifier. MARISHA: d10 plus my dex– d10? MATT: Yeah. It’s a heavy crossbow. MARISHA: Oh, in terms of damage. MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Fuck. Yes. MATT: Well, you still have to roll to hit, right? You have to roll to hit back, yeah. MARISHA: I think I do, right? MATT: Yeah. You’re considered proficient, though. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: That’s a 15 naturally. MATT: Yeah, that hits. MARISHA: And then, so d10. Fuck. That’s a fucking one. Five points of damage. That’s lame. MATT: Okay. Caleb you do suffer from the bolts that do make it through to you. 19 points of piercing damage. LIAM: I have 19 hit points. MARISHA: Damn it. If I would’ve rolled one fucking higher. MATT: (rapid thudding) LIAM: (groans and coughs) Syphilis. MATT: The last thing you watch is the leader, who’d been talking with you, gets slammed up in the air about two feet with an uppercut from a mystical lollipop, and then all the rays incinerate him into ash in midair. He is scattered to ash. One of the other guys gets hit with his own bolt. Another guy goes blind. What are you doing? TRAVIS: I was Eldritch Blasting him. MATT: Against which guy? TRAVIS: Just any of them. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: 19 to hit. MATT: 19 to hit works. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That is 12 points of damage. MATT: He gets a blast to the side of the face and goes down unconscious onto the ground. His crossbow fires wide into the air, and disappears into the night sky. As soon as this happens, as you fall unconscious, all these hits happen like this Mexican standoff that just suddenly– All this action happens at once. Caleb goes down! Two other guys double over! Two of them go, “Wait, wait! Hold on! Hold on!” TALIESIN: I pop out of the cart, and I’m holding the giant glaive. MATT: Okay. (laughter) TALIESIN: I light it up. LAURA: Yeah, the sucker’s just spinning in the air. MATT: All of a sudden, as the sucker’s spinning, and you watch as this bright burst of radiant energy’s crackling on the edge of this nasty-looking, gnollish blade. They’re all just standing there. “What happened to Trevor?” TRAVIS: Oh, Trevor’s with the wind. LIAM: I just failed my first death save. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Oh, already? Why’d you roll? He didn’t even tell you. LIAM: About six seconds went by. LAURA: Jesus. TRAVIS: See, Trevor done put his fucking nose where it didn’t belong. Unless you want to join him, I’d get the fuck out of here. LAURA: I’m going to walk over to Caleb, while I’m doing this, and I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on him. MATT: All right, go for it. SAM: (magic sounds) TRAVIS: I don’t know if you know, but syphilis is fucking contagious. MATT: One of them nearby walks over to where Trevor was, where his boots on the ground now are smoking, and picks up a handful of ash and goes– LAURA: 11. LIAM: 11, oh, wow. Thank you. MATT: “We’re going to go ahead and wish you a good night.” (whistles) LAURA: Hey, hey! LAURA: I think you’re going to give us everything on your cart. MATT: “We don’t have a cart.” LAURA: I thought you had a cart; you were going to load our stuff onto your cart. MATT: “No, we were taking your cart.” LAURA: Oh, well where’d you come from? That’s so stupid. TALIESIN: This is a really terrible plan. MATT: “Well, we steal your cart and then we get your stuff and–” “Shut up!” He’s like, “I’m sorry.” LAURA: Well, then give us all your clothes then! MARISHA: Yeah, your headbands are lame, but I want them. MATT: Make an intimidation check. SAM: I’m going to disappear back into the woods. LAURA: That was so close to being good. Five! MATT: He goes, “No!” TALIESIN: I’m going to say I’m going to use Devil’s Tongue: Come on, we’re all friends here. Why don’t you just walk away, leave your things, and just admit your defeat? It was a good try. MATT: Is this the Vicious Mockery? TALIESIN: No, this is not Vicious Mockery. This is Charm Person. MATT: Right! That’s a four. TALIESIN: Yeah, nope. MATT: He goes, “The man makes a valid point,” and starts taking his trousers off immediately in the place. All the other guys go (questioning stutters). LAURA: Take it off! Take it all off! MATT: They all start pulling and stripping their armor off. As they take their masks off, you can see a lot of them just look like dirty, poor, wandering brigands. A lot of them are missing varying teeth. A lot of them look like they haven’t had a bath in days. They look kind of like Caleb. SAM: DM shade. MATT: They look genuinely perturbed by the fact that you incinerated their de facto leader, Trevor. There’s a moment where they go from these really frightening nameless thieves to a bunch of people that you feel sorry for as they strip down and throw their armor on the ground. A lot of them are left with either just some semblance of slacks or some sort of tattered long johns that are just stained and awful. They throw their crossbows onto the ground. They throw their shortswords and daggers onto the ground. TRAVIS: Jester, maybe we can let them have a little fucking dignity as they leave. LIAM: As he says that, I already begin picking through the remains of the leader’s shit, looking to see if anything is left. MATT: Well, there are two shortswords that are currently covered in soot, that was once their previous owner. All the rest of the armor has been burnt and charred. And there is ashes. SAM: While they’re talking, can I do a long circle around the whole campsite, looking for horses that are tied up? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Okay. 19. MATT: You do see there are, a ways over the previous hill, nine horses that are all briefly hitched to a few stakes that are pounded into the ground. SAM: I will unhitch the stakes. MARISHA: Oh, yes you will. SAM: Let’s see here. Five of them I’ll just shoo, the meekest five I’ll shoo off into the woods and the other four I’ll try to control and take with me somewhere else. MATT: Make an animal handling check. SAM: 18 plus something! Plus three– No, plus zero. MATT: You have been learning, as you’ve made your way past these barriers with nature’s beautiful, natural creatures. Manage to get four sets of these reins, and these horses look pretty malnourished, and they were probably stolen too. Some of them have brands, but different types of brands. You get the sense that they were probably pulled from different homesteads. As you pull them together, there’s a moment of you waiting for them to draw and quarter you. Just based on what you’re holding. Just like (yelps). But they follow. You carefully begin to walk a perimeter around. While that’s happening– TALIESIN: Now that the leader’s dead, who’s the de facto leader here? Speak up, be bold! MATT: Two of the ones go, “Me!” They both look at each other and shoot each other down with these horrible glares and go, “No, it’s me!” again, at the same time. Both say, “Fuck you!” at the same time. (Groans) And they’re just frustrated. TALIESIN: Do you know parchment-shears-stone? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. ALL: Boulder-parchment-shears. TALIESIN: Do you know that game? MATT: “Yeah.” TALIESIN: Pick your leader. MARISHA: Do it! Come on. MATT: They both come together and (tapping). LIAM: Kiss yourself, Matthew. MATT: All right, the one on the left, who looks to be a scraggly redhead, probably close to 20 or 21 years old, wins the bout of boulder-parchment-shears. TALIESIN: Step forward. Would you agree that the previous leadership of this group has probably failed you on some level? MATT: “You know, I wouldn’t say so. Yeah, no, I mean, Trevor, he–” TALIESIN: Look where you are right now, son. MATT: “I know! Trevor’s turned to ashes.” TALIESIN: It was a bad decision! MATT: “It was very bad. He was a very bad man.” TALIESIN: Perhaps you should rethink your line of work. MATT: “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. You are right. Right?” And all the boys go, “Right.” TRAVIS: Molly I think they also need a bath. TALIESIN: Right. All right here’s the deal, if everyone’s fine? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: “Are you going to bathe me?” TALIESIN: Maybe. MATT: (whimpers) TALIESIN: Put your clothes back on, this is just embarrassing, all of you– don’t pick up your weapons– LAURA: Leave your weapons. MATT: They start taking their clothes and the one who this one kid beat at boulder-parchment-shears is like, “You fucked up, Zenny.” TALIESIN: Do not criticize new management until it’s had time to take full effect. MATT: “Right.” TALIESIN: All right? MATT: They all start putting on bits of their clothing, most of them are just holding it under their arms. TALIESIN: Now, line up. Line up. LAURA: How many are there? TALIESIN: Nine. Eight. MATT: There’s eight now and three of them look like they’re hurting pretty bad. One of them has their own crossbow bolt in their chest that Beau threw and it’s still there and he’s (groans) holding it. TALIESIN: Now you’re all going to leave tonight. You’re going to find something better to do with yourselves and remember, no matter how you die or where we can identify your bodies without the heads. So be careful. I’m going to give, in a line, one gold piece each to each of them in the row. TRAVIS: Yes, that’s, yes. I like that a lot. MATT: They all look very confused. TALIESIN: Now for this, you promise that your terrible bandit days are over because you’re really not very good at this. I mean, we were barely paying attention, this is pathetic. MARISHA: Well, you were barely paying attention. TALIESIN: Well let’s not cast aspirations on new management, it’s only been two days. MATT: They all lower their heads and one of them goes, “Yeah, Zenny.” He’s like, “Shut up.” TALIESIN: You’re all walking away with one gold. MATT: “Right.” “Right.” “Right.” “Right.” (laughter) TALIESIN: That’s about as well as this night could’ve gone for you. LAURA: Make sure you wash your gold thoroughly because they’re all infected with syphilis. TALIESIN: There’s so much syphilis. MATT: Two of them drop the coins on the ground and then pick them up again, but with bits of their cloth. MARISHA: Molly, if I will, I feel like our money should still buy something, you know, a service. We teach these good men to make money based on the services they provide. TALIESIN: What precisely did you have in mind? MARISHA: You all have one fucking job, you go and you tell all your stupid friends: No fucks with the Mighty Nein. MATT: You see as three of them are, quietly under their breath, “Mighty Nein, Mighty Nein, okay.” MARISHA: But spelled N-E-I-N. The Mighty Nein. Don’t forget it. MATT: It’s at that moment you think you’ve lost most of them. LIAM: It’s in Zemnian. Partially. TALIESIN: I mean, unless anyone else has anything to say? MARISHA: That’s all I got. TALIESIN: Okay. LAURA: The Traveler is with you all, forever and ever (low-pitched) and ever. MATT: Use Thaumaturgy to make that, “(low-pitched) And ever!” You Gandalf-voice it for a moment and they all take a step back, “So, leader Zenny, where are we off to?” He’s like, “Um, I think, let’s just head to Felderwin.” TALIESIN: That’s a very bold decision, well done. MATT: “Okay. Thank you.” TALIESIN: You’re welcome. LAURA: Go away now! MATT: “Okay!” They all quickly dart off, they’re pulling their pants up the rest of the way and they’re making their way back into the field. They’re avoiding– yeah, you’ve certainly made their evening. LAURA: Oh man, did you see that you thought you burned that other guy up, did you see how much you burned that– LIAM: (groans in pain) MARISHA: Sorry, I caught one of them. (laughter) LIAM: Two– (groans in pain) LAURA: That’s really good. I just go up and put a hand on each of them to cover the blood holes. LIAM: Oh, cover my nips. TALIESIN: I’m going to gather the swords and the crossbows and put them in the cart. LAURA: I don’t have any more hands, Caleb, don’t do it, don’t do it. Oh no! I put my knee up on the hole. Stop it. I’m going to cure your wounds now. Get ready for it, it’s going to be so good. LIAM: I think I’m going to faint right now. LAURA: No! Cure Wounds! MARISHA: He’s all right. He’ll be fine. He’s going to feel great when he wakes up. TRAVIS: Yeah, like a million bucks. LAURA: That one isn’t as good, that’s only four. Sorry. You pulled out all three of them at once, you know. TALIESIN: Well hey, more kindling. MATT: You guys eventually settle yourselves down to continue your evening of rest. SAM: I walk back into camp with the horses and tie them up. I found some horses. TRAVIS: Oh shit. SAM: I named them: Loo, John, Crapper, and Toilet. LAURA: Woah. I’ll take Toilet. MARISHA: I take Crapper. TRAVIS: I’ll take John. TALIESIN: I’ll take Loo. MATT: All right. Keep in mind now that you’re having to feed and take of six horses. LAURA: Okay. I feed Toilet so many doughnuts, I just feed him so many. MATT: You’re running pretty low on doughnuts, by the way. LAURA: I know, it’s crumbs and moldy bits of pastry at the bottom of my bag now. MATT: Yeah. They didn’t start as lemon tarts. LAURA: I had, like, twelve stuffed in there. TALIESIN: It’s 2:00AM on a Sunday at a Starbucks right now. There’s nothing. MATT: Basically, yeah. MARISHA: One lone cake pop. LAURA: I’m out of pastries. I’m out of money and I’m out of pastries. SAM: Money? LAURA: Well, compared to what I had, this is bullshit. SAM: What did you have before? LAURA: I don’t know, it was a pretty big pile though. This is like not a big pile, this was like a big pile. SAM: When you were with your mother? LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: I don’t even know what you do with that much money, this is ridiculous. LAURA: You buy clothes for your horse that draws your carriage, which is something I did. TALIESIN: You put clothes on your horse? That’s a great idea. LAURA: It was real pretty. MARISHA: What happened to those clothes and that horse? LAURA: Well, I think I left them on the side of the road, somewhere, actually. TALIESIN: Insight check. LAURA: Why did I do that? TALIESIN: Is she full of bullshit? MATT: Make an insight check. TALIESIN: All right. 12. MATT: Hard to read. TALIESIN: Damn it. LAURA: I can’t remember. I saw something super interesting. Shit. TALIESIN: If it was that interesting, why can’t you remember it? LAURA: I see a lot of interesting things. TALIESIN: That’s fair. MARISHA: I bet that horse made a great gift for someone else, you probably made somebody really happy. Maybe a little girl who wanted a horsie for her birthday. TRAVIS: I start kicking the ash of the former leader around to spread him around and fucking lay back down. SAM: Caleb’s still out. TALIESIN: How many sword and crossbows and random things did we pick up? MATT: Two heavy crossbows. TALIESIN: Two heavy crossbows. MATT: Three light crossbows. TALIESIN: Two heavy cross– Oh you’ve got–? Yeah. LAURA: Two heavy– TALIESIN: Two light. SAM: This is not a good system. Travis, will you teach her how to keep track of our group stuff? TRAVIS: Nope. Trust me, my system wasn’t any better. LAURA: I’m going to make better notes soon, I’m just going to– Two heavy crossbows, two light– MATT: Two hand crossbows. LAURA: That’s in addition to the two light crossbows? TALIESIN: Two heavy, two light, two hand. LAURA: Two hand. SAM: It’s like, all over the place next to dick pics. MATT: What would amount to 43 bolts. SAM: Oh, I’ll take some of those. MATT: Yeah, those will be helpful to you. LAURA: Do you want all of them? SAM: No, because what if we need– someone else– LAURA: No one else is going to use crossbows. SAM: I’ll take 20. LAURA: 20, got it. MATT: And six shortswords and two daggers. LAURA: Holy moly. MATT: You can load up in that cart. Carrying them on your person would be a problem, that cart’s getting pretty full. Thankfully you have more horses. LAURA: Two daggers you said? TRAVIS: We’ve got the fucking Wells Fargo carriage now. MARISHA: Oh my god, it totally is! TRAVIS: We’re straight-up Wells Fargo. MATT: Mind you, all the equipment you found from them, not in the best condition. The swords are dinged to shit. They’re chipped in places like they’ve been banged against hard pieces. MARISHA: Scrap metal. I roll Caleb over and make sure he’s not face-down in the dirt. MATT: He’s breathing, he’s good. MARISHA: I cover him up, he’s fine. MATT: You guys eventually find yourselves back to rest for the evening. You’re keeping second watch now? LAURA: He was going to keep second watch. SAM: Yes, I’m second watch. MATT: Nott, go ahead and roll a perception check for me, please. SAM: Oh man, eight. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Take them out! Take them out! LAURA: Jesus Christ. LIAM: (heavy panting) Oh, you’re all awake. SAM: Hello. LAURA: Now we are all awake. SAM: Were you having a bad dream? TALIESIN: Party’s over. LIAM: Why would you say that? MARISHA: One day we’re going to have a real big talk about your issues. LAURA: You have major glasses indentations on your face. LIAM: I don’t wear glasses. LAURA: Then what the fuck is that from? TRAVIS: Yeah, the syphilis is creeping up into your eye cavities. SAM: That was some good lying. Oh boy. Your face is fucked up. (laughter) TRAVIS: Look over here. Holy shit. LAURA: That’s commitment. LIAM: I’ve been asleep face-down in the cart, it feels like. Where are we? SAM: We’re in the same exact place, you’re not dead. LIAM: Did we make it to Zadash? LAURA: No, Caleb go back to sleep, you’re ruining everyone’s sleep. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s literally been about ten minutes. LIAM: Okay, let’s fight these fuckers. Where are they? SAM: They’re all dead, they’re gone. We took their horses, they’re gone. LAURA: They were already gone when you passed out. Go back to sleep. Is he always like this? SAM: Yes! LAURA: Oi. SAM: He’s very smart. MATT: All right. Third and final watch? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Good wrist action, terrible roll. TALIESIN: Wow! TRAVIS: Please tell me it’s less than a ten. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. LAURA: It’s six. TRAVIS: I mean, that’s six perception checks in a row that were under ten. MATT: Yeah. During your final watch, as people are finishing up their rest, the sun just barely begins to– or would be cresting over the hills. The slight change in light is the precursor that notifies you of dawn, however, the heavy, dark clouds in the sky and the sudden sound of thunder immediately followed the freezing cold rainfall that begins to spill across the entirety of your campsite. All of you begin to come to consciousness, finishing your long rest, by immediately being drenched in freezing water of a recent storm here on the Marrow Valley fields. LAURA: Hey you guys, it’s raining. TALIESIN: Are you sure? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Have you checked? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Hold on. MARISHA: Camping sucks. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s rain. That’s a little water. I’m going to fold my coat up and put it away, just vest and vestiture. TRAVIS: I take out that heavy cloak and I put it over my damn head. MATT: Okay. you guys all bundle up what you can. The horses are trying to stay warm and cuddle up next to each other. LAURA: I take my cloak off and put it around Toilet’s head. MARISHA: Aww! LAURA: See? MATT: I’m not going to talk about the state of the manticore head at the moment, which is now drenched in rain. LAURA: The cold weather will be good for it. MATT: You guys you have rested for the evening. you continue back onto the path and continue forward. Who’s keeping watch on this next journey? Perception check for me, please. LIAM: It’s a 12. MATT: You glance off the side of the western edge of the Amber Road and see a neglected gravesite, maybe 300 feet off the road’s path. It’s overgrown in the fields. At a quick glance, you can gather maybe close to 200 various stones that are grave markers in various states of disrepair and erosion over time. As you ride past and see in the distance, it looks to be an older landmark, that’s been left to be reclaimed by nature. LIAM: At our closest, where do we get to it before passing it? MATT: You’d probably get about 80 or 90 feet from it. LIAM: Is everybody sleeping? MATT: No, everyone’s up in the cart, or riding. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You guys continue on past, up the road. Are you still keeping watch on this? LIAM: Am I controlling the cart at this point if everybody is sleeping? LAURA: We’re all on horses. LIAM: We’re all just going, and I’m keeping watch? LAURA: Nott might be driving the cart, you might be sitting in the cart, but the rest of us are on horses next to the cart. LIAM: Wait, wait. I want to– SAM: Whoa! LIAM: I just have to take a piss, hold on. I’m going to walk over towards the graves. SAM: It’s true, he does need to pee quite frequently. TALIESIN: There’s an old cemetery? MATT: You glance over to where he’s going to pee and you can see a long in disuse cemetery. LIAM: I would like to get about 30 or 40 feet within range of it and start taking a tinkle. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to crawl over there on my horse as well and get a feel of it. MATT: Okay. As you’re finishing your business, you can get within 30 feet or so and you see that a lot of the stones are intact, some of them have been cracked and broken, a lot of them– what once may have been a well-kept perimeter of earth, dirt, and dust has since been completely retaken by the grasses of the field. While the grasses aren’t as tall as the surrounding field may be, the greenery and the moss has taken a lot of the stone and to read a lot of them you would probably have to clear off whatever bit of growth has reached up and claimed them. TALIESIN: I’m going to pick a random one. LIAM: After I shake it and put it away, I move my fingers in a shape in the air and whisper a few arcane words and cast Detect Magic within range of the gravestones. MATT: Okay. As you begin to do a conscious pass across the grave, nothing magical catches your attention within the radius you’re observing. LIAM: Okay. I squeeze out a single fart and go back to the cart. TALIESIN: Anything undead, anything…? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Nein! TALIESIN: With advantage, or no? MATT: As you’re seeking anything that’s related to the undead, yeah, go for it. TALIESIN: Natural 20. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m cleaning off one. MATT: As you pick one and look for any signs of grave emerging or grave robbery, or different things that may be attributed to the necromantic studies that involve the creation and/or maintenance of undead, the site seems to be largely undisturbed. You go through one name and it says “Bagent” and the next once you go by says “Avryn” and the next stone says “Emor.” The markings are simple. They’re very simple stones. It looks like whoever was buried here was done so at the very basic level of marking a grave site. Your foot hits something hard on the ground and your toe– and you look down at a rusted helmet of iron make. You pick it up. Make a history check. MARISHA: (whisper chants) Scrap metal! Scrap metal! Scrap metal! TRAVIS: Like nobody’s going to want metal and we’re just going to be driving around that busted jalopy with a shitload of metal. TALIESIN: Nothing. Six. MATT: You’re unable to make out any details of the construction of it or any significance of it, but it’s an old helmet. And it looks like a lot of the edges of it appear to have just slowly been taken by the oxidization– TALIESIN: I’m going to take it back anyway. MATT: As you guys are waiting, Caleb’s returned, and a few minutes later, maybe about ten minutes after, you watch as Molly approaches, tossing this deeply rusted iron helmet in his hand. LIAM: What is that? Can I see that? TALIESIN: Of course. LIAM: Yeah, I would like to. Do I recognize this? MATT: Make a history check. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: It’s Yorick. LIAM: Yeah. That is a 14. MATT: Okay. You have a little more grasp and understanding of the history of the valley. The markings on this indicate that this helmet belonged to a regiment of the Julous Dominion. The Julous Dominion, which you recall is the last remaining empire to be conquered by the Dwendalian Empire, nearly two centuries before. MARISHA: Julous what? LIAM: Julous Dominion. Two centuries. MATT: Zadash was the capital of that empire before the Dwendalian rule conquered them and took over. As opposed to erasing their society, they just allowed it to be integrated into their own beliefs, and then just imposed their life upon those people, their laws, their rules, and adjusted as they saw fit. That marked the end of it. This gravesite seems to have been a reminder of soldiers that fought, probably, in those conflicts or something around that time period, and has just been left to the annals of memory as the Dwendalian influence left no real particular interest in those to keep tabs of the history behind them. LIAM: Caleb says: You know, it’s funny– and then says everything that you just did to everyone in the group. TALIESIN: That’s very interesting. LAURA and MARISHA: Wow. LIAM: Here’s your helmet back. TRAVIS: That’s very informative, Caleb. MARISHA: We can still sell that for scrap metal, though, right? LAURA: I mean, it’s pretty rusty. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Like maybe to a museum or something. LIAM: Steeped in history. LAURA: The Dwendalian Empire kind of sucks, you guys. MARISHA: I’ve lived here my whole life. It’s kind of lame. LAURA: I mean, the Menagerie Coast is really cool. MARISHA: Never been that far. LAURA: Oh, it’s amazing! MARISHA: Been a lot of places in Dwendalian, but not that far. SAM: There must be some nice places here, right? LAURA: I don’t know, everything I’ve seen so far– SAM: Well, that village we were just in was not bad, except for, you know, the gnoll attack. LAURA: That’s true. And Bryce was a soldier of the Dwendalian Empire? MARISHA: They’re on the outskirts. The further on the outskirts you go, the more tolerable they are. Further north we go…? LIAM: The further out you are, the easier it is to bend the rules. LAURA: What’s the capital of the Dwendalian Empire? MARISHA: It’s– SAM: Let’s consult our notes. LAURA: Is it Rexxentrum? MATT and TRAVIS: Rexxentrum. SAM: Oh, that’s where the magic school is, right? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I’m just telling you, the more north we go, the stricter it’s going to get. You’re going to see more and more of the empire and its influence. LAURA: Crazy. SAM: Maybe they’ll have nicer things. Arts. Culture. MARISHA: Of course they will. It’s where all the money is. LIAM: They have the best of the best in the north, ja. LAURA: Do they like arts and culture in the Dwendalian Empire? LIAM: What and culture? LIAM and LAURA: Arts and culture. LAURA: Do they like painting? MARISHA: Farts and vultures. LIAM: What are you talking about? MARISHA: Never mind. LIAM: I hear. LAURA: Yeah. Okay. That’s good. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: You guys continue moving northward again, the rain still pouring as you all maintain warmth best you can, bundling up with the various travel supplies, blankets and insulation you can muster off the cart and your own– LAURA: I was taking in the rain, yo! I like it! SAM: Hard to tell what motions you’re doing. LAURA: Shut up! I could see it in my head! LIAM: Frumpkin is fucking miserable because he’s drenched and he does not like to be wet. MATT: Yep. (sad meow). As you push into the latter half of the afternoon, a few hours before the sun begins to set, you begin cresting a large hill along the road, before you notice a trio of spiky peaks catching your eye, breaking the skyline ahead of you. As you begin to come higher up to the top of that hillside, you can watch these peaks slowly unveil into the rest of the massive skyline of the city of Zadash, breaking the horizon. LAURA: (gasps) Oh my gosh! MATT: It’s an incredible sight compared to the rural townships you’ve encountered here in the empire thus far, and comparable in mass to the coastal metropolis of Port Damali, where you grew up. The 15-foot perimeter walls outline the somewhat triangular shape of the city from your current perspective. The communities spilling beyond the protective bulwarks cascade beyond the walls into ramshackle tent cities and hovel towns. As you ride down the road towards the stretch that leads to the southern gates, you pass through fields of crop workers that are currently out there with heavy shawls and head coverings, in the process of harvesting various vegetables and crops from the field. Some take note of your presence and watch as you pass and then go amongst their work; others are too involved, could care less about the constant passing of travelers northward and southward. As you approach closer to the city still, the external neighborhoods begin to envelop your vision as small farmsteads, homes, begin to mingle with these tents and shacks you had seen at a distance. A mother in ragged clothes plucks a chicken before noticing your band and sending her six-year-old boy over, dirt smeared on his face and no shoes, running up to the mud outside the cart and puts his hands out towards you as you walk past. MARISHA: I toss him a silver. MATT: He takes it and runs back to his mom and she just nods. Doesn’t make eye contact with you, but as soon as the child approaches, gives a nod. Continues pulling feathers out. Pushing on, the foot traffic– LIAM: Sorry, Caleb trips, or pretends to, into the mud, and scoops up two fistfuls of mud and shoves them into his pockets. MATT: Okay. Easily enough. Pushing on, the foot traffic grows heavier near the gate. A huge, 15-foot wide, currently open portcullis is being held aloft by chains beyond your visual range. As two pairs of crownsguards flank each side of this opening with semi-watchful eyes. They’re not interrogating passersby; they’re keeping a close watch as folks enter in and out. You can see another caravan is currently in the process of loading up and getting ready to leave southward. You can see people are walking in and out from the external shantytown, and other individuals are– some are paying attention to the rather, once again, your colorful band by comparison; most of the folks you see here range between your typical human populace to the occasional halfling and dwarf. The fairer races beyond that haven’t caught your eye yet on this exterior perimeter. Stepping beyond, the crownsguard keeping a watch as you pass, you emerge beyond the threshold of the entry gate on the southern wall here, into Zadash. The smell of wet earth, manure immediately hits your nose, accompanied by the sound of hooves, mingling conversations, distant shouts, and the barking of dogs as they welcome you into this new and interesting city. Glancing up, you can see the buildings around you that flank the street continue to be rather destitute in the atmosphere, but then eventually begin to graduate into a standard village feel. You’ve arrived. LIAM: Is it still raining? MATT: It is still raining. SAM: This place sucks! Too much water. TRAVIS: We should find a place to take some shelter until this rain lets up. SAM: Are we supposed to go to the Pillow Trove or the Leaky Tap? LAURA: Well, we should probably hit the Leaky Tap first, in the West Outersteads. LIAM: Agreed, that is our first stop. TALIESIN: East. SAM: The East Westersheets. What was it? TALIESIN: East Best Western. LAURA: It was in the West Outersteads. SAM: I thought it was the East Outer! LIAM: We are looking for Claudia Sheed. MARISHA: East? TALIESIN: East. LAURA: It was? MARISHA: I don’t know, I didn’t catch it. I got Claudia Sheed. LIAM: I remember exactly, and Matthew will tell me because of my Keen Mind feat. TALIESIN: This is the best thing you’ve ever done. LIAM: It was entirely on purpose. MATT: Bryce, when you were talking about this, Bryce grew up in the West Outersteads, but Leaky Tap is in the east. LAURA: Aww! MATT: Still take your notes! MARISHA: But Bryce grew up in the west. LIAM: I took the Clippy feat. SAM: Looks like you’re writing a letter! LIAM: Looks like you can’t remember the details the DM told you. Would you like to ask him again and get an exact replication? MATT: As the horses are clopping through the mud and you guys are having this conversation, slowly making your way through town, everyone else is rushing about their business, but you’re just leisurely just taking in the vicinity. You hear this coughing off to the side, and you watch as a bundled up, hunched-looking human approaches and goes, “Well, hello! You look a bit lost, and obviously not from around here.” As the face looks up, you can see within the hood, a somewhat pudgy-looking older man in his mid-60s or so, it looks to be. He has a thick, bushy, gray mustache that turns into a full Stonewall beard on the side. He has a monocle up in one eye, but it looks a bit scratched. The cloak he’s wearing is just covering the rest of his form, but as he looks and goes, “I’m just happy to greet you to our fair city. Do you require anyone to help you around? Show you the grounds?” MARISHA: How much? MATT: “Well, for a day’s work, that would merely run you a paltry two gold pieces.” TRAVIS: What might your name be, kind stranger? MATT: “I am Ulysses Stanneras. I’ve lived here my entire life. I’m a purveyor of all the great sites and sounds of the city, and it would be my pleasure.” LAURA: Ulysses, are you going to flash us or try to sell us some watches? LIAM: What is a watch? MATT: They have watches? (laughs) There is clockwork in this– LAURA: There you go! LIAM: What is a watch? SAM: Oh, he only knows it by the Zemnian name. LIAM: You mean, like a guard? SAM: No, like a “clockcruzen.” That’s how you say it in your language, I think. TALIESIN: Mechanical croissant. SAM: A “clockenticken.” LIAM: You are adorably, fucking wrong right now. SAM: I’ve been picking up little bits of the language. LIAM: Okay. To say “yes,” it is “ja.” That is your first lesson. SAM: Ja. LIAM: Everything else you said was shit. MARISHA: Stanneras. LIAM: Staggeras or Standeras? MARISHA, LAURA, MATT, and TALIESIN: Stanneras. LIAM: Ulysses Standeras. Strong name, ja, ja, ja. Ulysses Standeras. TRAVIS: It’s a fine offer, Ulysses. Where would you have us get out of this rain for a bit? MATT: “Well, there is a small tunnel, maybe about several hundred feet above; it’ll give us some break from the rain.” LAURA: Can we insight check this motherfucker? MATT: Of course. LAURA: Please. MARISHA: Let me take you to the shadiest place, tourist. LAURA: Natural 20! (cheering) ALL: Whispers! LIAM: Mama Bear takes care of the Mighty Nein! MARISHA: Yeah! (chants) Den mama! Den mama! SAM: It’s not D and D Beyond, it’s D N D Beyond. You don’t want to type in an “and,” because that will take you to a porn site. TALIESIN: What doesn’t, really? SAM: What does Stannis Baratheon say? LAURA: I mean. SAM: Should we go to this dingy tunnel? LAURA: I guess we can? LIAM: You say that because it’s a good idea, or because you’re feeling–? LAURA: I don’t know, he just seems like a good guy some– I mean, shifty. But I don’t think he’s trying to fuck us right now. LIAM: Insight check! (laughter) MATT: Make an ins– (laughs and coughs) MARISHA: You’re insight checking– TALIESIN: This is a game of trust. LIAM: 18. LAURA: Can I whisper to him? MATT: Yeah, you may. MARISHA: This is our first chain whisper. MATT: I love this so much. LIAM: What, what? SAM: What is going on right now? MARISHA: Is D and D Beyond. TRAVIS: That’s D N D. MARISHA: With an N. TRAVIS: Beyond. MARISHA: Little hitch in it. DND. MATT: “Or, not. You’re welcome to wander as you see fit but I was just merely willing to help.” LAURA: What do you have under that cloak? Is it weapons? MATT: He takes the edges and daintily holds the cloak open presentery style and he’s dressed in very fine clothing, like a nice coat that’s buttoned, with a little cravat and fine trousers. Or at least they were at one point, the edges are a little tattered. It looks like his one nice suit that he’s had for maybe 20 years and it’s definitely seen some rough days. You get the sense, from this whole package here, that either he feigns some level of prominence or has fallen very hard from it. TRAVIS: Well, Jester, if he’s fine by you, I mean, let’s get out of the rain, I’m fucking soaked. LAURA: He seems pretty okay, I guess. SAM: To the tunnels! LIAM: I cast Friends on him. MARISHA: So soon. SAM: Friends. LIAM: Yes. Freunde. SAM: Freundes. LIAM: And I say. My Freunde– MATT: “Yes?” LIAM: I have just cast a spell on you, okay? So you just have to listen to what I’m saying, okay? I think you are kind of an asshole but so are we, we are the Mighty Nein and we will fuck you so hard if you fuck with us. MATT: Make an intimidation check with advantage. LIAM: 20. MATT: He goes: “Well, first off that’s terribly rude, affecting me with any sort of arcane-based nature enchantments upon first meeting you when I’ve been so gracious.” LIAM: Ja, we’re a bunch of Arschlochs, yeah, we’re assholes it’s fine, but I’m just saying– MATT: “But do you pay?” LIAM: Today we do. MATT: “Then I think we will do quite well working together.” LIAM: Okay, you see this one? The purple one? He will cut you from navel to nuts, so please, have fun with us, but don’t you fuck us. MATT: “I know better than to cross anyone with a–” LAURA: Unless we ask for it. And then you’re welcome to do it. MATT: “Well then, shall we get out of this rain? Follow me.” He closes his cloak and begins to dart with a really rapid gait further down the road and then turn off to the right. You can now see the city. Beyond the outer wall, it looks like there are a number of perimeter walls that have arches between them almost like under a bridge and there are constructs– houses that are built through those gaps and in these small tunnels that are maybe 15 to 20 feet in length but, you know, 40 foot wide where these large separation barriers are and you can see along the top there are carts that move on their own along these wall tops and it catches your eyes. One of them shifts down, it’s curious. MARISHA: Like a people mover? MATT: Kind of. LIAM: Like a people mover. MARISHA: Like Disney! SAM: They have a monorail? LAURA and MARISHA: They have a monorail in Zadash! MATT: He guides you underneath one of these arches. LAURA: Does it look shady in there? I mean, are there people in there? MATT: Yeah, there are people wandering through. It’s just where one of the streets turns off to it. It sounded a lot shadier when he presented it than it was, but it’s more just like a brief respite from where people are walking through and occasionally you see a couple crownsguard that come through passing. LIAM: This guy is good. TALIESIN: Forgive our friend, someone attempted to mug us on the way into the city, he’s still a bit sore. MATT: “Oh, that’s all right” TRAVIS: He recovered from four arrows to the chest. LAURA: Three actually because you got one. MARISHA: I did. LIAM: Ja. TRAVIS: My apologies. MATT: “That’s impressive, Mighty Nein.” He pulls his hood back and he has this Benjamin Franklin skullet going on where there it’s curly, wavy, gray hair, but it’s balding on top and he throws the cloak over one shoulder. “So now that you’ve arrived. What’s your business here? What can I help you with? What do you want to see? What can I show you?” LAURA: Well we need to– SAM: Sell some things? LAURA: We need to get to a blacksmith. Oh, we need to go somewhere that’ll buy expensive-y magic-y things and somewhere that’ll buy junky, shitty things. TALIESIN and LAURA: Antiques. MATT: “Both of those you can probably find in the Pentamarket.” LIAM: Penta-what now? MATT: “Pentamarket.” LIAM: Pentamarket. Would the Pentamarket also have the finest inks und parchment? MATT: “It would have probably some of the finer inks, yes. The finest you could probably find there or in the Tri-Spires.” LIAM: Tri-Spies? MATT: “Tri-Spires.” LIAM: What about of arcane quality? MATT: “There are a few places you could go, yes. Actually, if we’re going towards the Pentamarket, your best luck there would be the Invulnerable Vagrant. Yes.” TRAVIS: The Invulnerable Vagrant? MATT: “Yes.” TRAVIS: Excellent names in this place. LIAM: Also, I am a collector of rare tomes. I have a great appreciation for literature. Where might I find the most– TRAVIS: Nudie picture books! LIAM: –elaborate writings in the city? MATT: “That would probably be at the Archive. LIAM: The Archive? MATT: "Yes.” LIAM: Could you give me a little more background? That is a very common word. MATT: “The Archive of the Cobalt Soul here in the city. It’s a library that is maintained by a number of… believers. But as long as you’re not taking anything from within, and you have approved entry and are heavily watched within, for the most part you can peruse the content of the interior.” LIAM: That is excellent. Also, I’m a big reader. Is there any place that has pulp fiction and shitty smut? MATT: “I mean, I’m sure there are, but I would not bother myself with such base interests of reading.” LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: That is 23. LAURA: So many whispers! LIAM: My friend– I take him by the hands and say, You have given us a great welcome into this city. MATT: “My pleasure.” LIAM: So eager to learn all about it. I take my hands away, and he has two gold in his hand. Just know, I’m a big reader. MATT: “Then, perhaps, if you find your way somehow into the Tri-Spires’ southern quarter, somewhere in the vicinity of–” Let me look it up real fast. Look at my own notes. LIAM: It worked! MATT: “On the southern side of the Silken Terrace, you’ll find a place known as Chastity’s Nook. That may be where you’ll find what you’re looking for, friend.” LAURA: That was one of the names of the other courtesans at the place my mom– MARISHA: That’s a good name for her, Chastity Nook. Yeah, that’s good. TALIESIN: We’ll probably be staying at the Leaky Tap. MATT: “The Leaky Tap, you say? Well, it’s affordable.” TALIESIN: We’re trying to keep a low profile. MATT: “Fair enough, fair enough. The Leaky Tap, that’ll be in the East Outersteads, actually. Bit of a rowdy clientele.” TALIESIN: Perfect for me. MATT: “It’s bawdy and fun.” TALIESIN: Definitely perfect for me. Would you say there’s a reasonable bathhouse for someone who’s– LAURA: Stinky? TALIESIN: –and complicated, in the horns? MATT: “For your clientele–” TALIESIN: Somewhere I can take a nice bath in peace. MATT: “That could be–” You guys are really– TRAVIS: Yeah. Run us through it, Encyclopedia Britannica. Give it to us. TALIESIN: Don’t want to scare the locals too much. MARISHA: Not yet. TRAVIS: Don’t you? MATT: “The Steam’s Respite.” TALIESIN: That’ll do it. LIAM: Caleb heard that. TALIESIN: I throw another gold at him. You are a fount of information. MATT: “That’s what I’m here for.” LAURA: The Pillow Trove. Is that in the Tri-Spires? MATT: “That is.” He glances quickly over towards Caleb. “You aren’t planning to stay there, are you?” LAURA: Why? LIAM: We’ve heard good things. MATT: “They work for a certain clientele.” TALIESIN: You can be frank. LAURA: What kind of clientele? MATT: “Those who live in the Tri-Spire or can afford to stay at the– Well, you’re welcome to try.” LAURA: Are they super snooty there? MATT: “You could say that, yes.” LAURA: Do they not like you very much? MATT: “Not anymore.” MARISHA: You used to be a regular? MATT: “I was a man about town, yes.” MARISHA: Was? MATT: “Well, things change. Life changes. Partners disappear with your business’s goods and funds and leave you having to make a living showing people around the city.” MARISHA: That’s telling, yeah. LAURA: That’s awful. SAM: That does sound terrible. MATT: “It’s very sad, I know. But anyway.” MARISHA: What shop did you used to own? MATT: “We used to run a business that sold and traded leathers, but I was ousted and I’ve been scraping by ever since.” MARISHA: Are you a craftsman in the trade? MATT: “I was more of a business connection, if you will. My partner was the crafter. I knew a few things I’d picked up throughout the years, but–” MARISHA: I mean, a businessman can sell anything, right? Why don’t you get back into it? You still have all those connections. MATT: “Put it this way. Strangely enough, I make half as much with a quarter of the emphasis doing what I’m doing for you now.” MARISHA: Fair. LAURA: Lot of people come through town? MATT: “A lot of people come through town.” LIAM: Is it easy to work around the Empire here? MATT: “It can be. You can look for work. You can head to the–” He points out here. This would be, “The Signet Wall, if you’re more of a sellsword.” MARISHA: The Signet Wall? MATT: “The Signet Wall. That’s where the military stays, and most of the Crownsguard are holed up.” LAURA: Let’s not go there. MARISHA: Do you know a good blacksmith? MATT: “The Pentamarket would be a place where you could find. There is the Spark Hammer Smithing, that would be of aid to you. There’s also Packwearer’s Provisions, but they’re more of a smaller scale, smithing goods, tools, and such.” TALIESIN: More of an antique collector. MARISHA: Maybe he’ll want that helmet. LAURA: Okay. I think we learned a lot. MATT: “And, looking up at the sky, it appears the sun has set, which means my purchased day is done. It’s been an absolute pleasure.” LAURA: Oh, but Ulysses, we like you so much! TALIESIN: We’re looking forward to seeing you again. To the inn! LAURA: Where do you stay? MATT: “Well, it appears that our business transaction has come to an end. If you would like to rent another day, I’d be happy to answer your questions.” TRAVIS: Shittiest pay phone ever. SAM: Well, come see us at the Leaky Tap and maybe we’ll hire you tomorrow morning. LAURA: That’s true! MATT: He leans forward to you with a closer look. He goes, “Maybe.” SAM: I have extreme syphilis. MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: One. MATT: The fact that that was your lie scares him more than believing it could’ve ever done. He goes, “Very well. Enjoy your stay at the Leaky Tap. I’ll be on my way.” He throws his hood up and darts back out into the rain. LAURA: Oh man, I liked him. I’m almost sad that we didn’t believe him at first. SAM: Was he trustworthy? TALIESIN: No. LIAM: I mean, no, he’s not trustworthy, but we are birds of a feather. TALIESIN: Don’t trust trusting people, they’re just the worst. LAURA: He was trustworthy enough that he wasn’t going to, you know. TALIESIN: No, I have full faith in untrustworthy people. LIAM: Yes, he was predictably a shit, just as we are. LAURA: I forgot to ask him about bakeries, so I am going to keep an eye out for them. SAM: I will aid her in that search. MATT: Okay. You guys are making your way towards the East Outersteads? LAURA: Would we be passing through the Pentamarket on the way to the Leaky Tavern? MATT: You’d have to curve around to do that. Do you want to? MARISHA: Do things shut down in an hour here? MATT: You don’t know. Well, you’ve been here. MARISHA: I’ve been here. MATT: You haven’t spent a lot of time in Zadash. In fact, probably the last thing you did before your family said, “Come home,” was here. You know it a little bit. You’ve been to the Pentamarket, you would be able to guide the rest of them through the Pentamarket if you wanted to. MARISHA: Do I know that it stays? Do they keep later hours? MATT: Yeah. Some of them do, some of them don’t. Some merchants prefer to use the night for revelry and spending some of what they made for the day. Some know that those who drink and revel sometimes make poor choices in their purchases, so it can vary. LAURA: We can sleep first and then get settled into the Leaky Tap, and then sell our shit tomorrow. MARISHA: I’d like to say maybe selling our shit now. That way it doesn’t get robbed in the night. LAURA: Either way. TRAVIS: I’m inclined to agree, actually. The longer we keep it out here, the more eyes will be on it. LAURA: All right. MARISHA: I think the Pentamarket’s that way. I’ve got a hunch. We can just slide by and see. Small detour. TRAVIS: Might be no one home. MATT: As you guys wander through the cold rain, making your way, aside from you, perhaps, this is the largest city any of you have visited. Comparable to Port Damali, but much taller. Damali was a little more spread out. This has architecture and buildings that are designed to rise, and almost seem to curve when you’re looking up at it. In certain moments, if you’re not careful, it can give a hint of vertigo, just at the height of some of these structures. MARISHA: Like New York compared to L.A.? MATT: Yeah, that’s a good way to put it. Rexxentrum is still easily twice the size of this city. As you make your way outside of the Pentamarket, and it’s called this because central to Zadash, a number of the streets that bisect it naturally carved a pentagonal shape and the interior between all these streets has since become the center of most merchant business, and there’s a bazaar set up in the center of that penta-shape, where carts and tents and buildings are out there all day, every day. It’s an open market. As you’re making your way through the rain, some of them are closing early. Some of them are closing up because of the weather, and it’s not going as well as most days would when it isn’t so freezing. You can see your breath escaping from you with each exhale. You ask around a bit. Make an investigation check, as you’re guiding the troupe. MARISHA: Okay. 13 plus four is 17. MATT: Easy enough. You ask around. You see a few folks that seem to be locals, or at least who often find their way through this district. They lead you over towards a large building of stained wood and green-gold velvet hanging on the outside. The first thought is, that velvet’s going to get ruined in this rain! As you approach the exterior of it, the building is untouched. It is dry. You do glance up, and you can see, carved delicately into a wood placard above the doors, which are currently closed, but little slips of glass in each door reveal a warm, lit interior that’s glowing from the inside out. It says, The Invulnerable Vagrant. MARISHA: Caleb. I think this is going to be where you’re going to stock up on your incense and some other goodies. LIAM: Yes, yes. I won’t be long. Excuse me. And I just push in. TALIESIN: I’m going to find mulled wine. It’s cold, and I want to be warm. MARISHA: I’ll join in that. LAURA: I want to try to sell the glaive here, if it’s magic. If they sell magical weapons at this place. MATT: Okay. Who’s entering? TRAVIS: I’ll go in, too. MARISHA: I’ll wait back. SAM: I’ll go in as well. MATT: You guys staying out? TALIESIN: We’ll watch the cart and we’re going to take the cart to find some mulled wine. MATT: Okay. As you enter the interior of the building, it’s warm. It’s very warm, and it’s a nice change of pace. You immediately throw your cloak back as the temperature shift causes you – everyone but you, actually, you’re pretty comfortable in the cold– to immediately throw your heavy layers back. On the immediate entry, you can see there’s lanterns all throughout the chamber that are hanging up above, flickering candlelight, but they all flicker like there’s wind when there’s none. You also notice that all of them are floating. They’re little glass chambers that contain the candle and they’re all slowly gyrating, held in place. Inside the chamber you can see a long table that has a few small books laid out. On a velvet raised platform there’s a long blade, like a rapier of some kind. It looks jeweled and gorgeous. In the back there appears to be a shelf with books and books and books with a desk. You see three figures, two of which are facing away behind the desk. The one that is closest to you turns around to make your appearance. You see a large, seven-foot tall humanoid figure. Short, bushy, curly brown hair fros up a little bit. The body is very fine grayish brown fur. And their nose is wide almost like a cow or a bull’s nose across a human face. The chin’s a bit square and the physicality is hunched and there’s just a big smile on the face. LIAM: I’m sorry. Yes. I’ve not been in this big a city in a while. MATT: Make a nature check. LIAM: Yeah. 20. MATT: You have not encountered this folk before in your travels. It’s rare to see them ingrained in society this close. Firbolgs– MARISHA and LAURA: Firbolgs? LIAM: Yeah, firbolgs. MATT: Yeah, they are usually a more nature-based, free-spirited people that live more towards the mountains of the northern forests in the Greying Wildlands and beyond. To see one here in society catches you off-guard, let alone one that’s dressed so well. You can see these long elegant robes of deep green and gold and this big smile on his face as he spins around. “Yes. I’m happy to help you.” LIAM: DM. Sorry. Before I engage in this. You say I’ve never encountered these, but I’ve read a lot. MATT: Yeah. You know of them. LIAM: I know of them. This is my first encounter. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Dive in. LIAM: Hello. Wow. Look at those horns. I’m so sorry. You know, I have never– Forget it. I am looking for– I have been in the woods for so long, I’m so happy to be in a metropolis again. I need ink. MATT: “Before we can get to that, I just have to say you’re, respectfully, terribly filthy. And this is an establishment that I have to insist requires some more cleanliness.” As he waves his hand in front of you, you watch as all the dirt on your coat just begins to sift away. Your clothing becomes clean right up the front of you reaching up towards your neck. The dirt begins to fleck away across your face. LIAM: I’m tilting. I’m arching my face. MATT: As you fight it, a moment passes and you see before you for the first time since you’ve met, a sparkly clean Caleb. SAM: Caleb?! What have you done to him?! What have you done to Caleb?! MATT: “Oh, you’re just an excitable little friend there, aren’t you?” This giant hand goes down and pats you on the head. SAM: Ah! It’s gentle. LIAM: I don’t see. I have no idea. LAURA: Caleb, you’re beautiful! MATT: At this point, the two other figures in the back turn around and it’s the same guy. LIAM and SAM: What?! MATT: There’s two more of the same firbolg. The same outfit. Same exact visual. They both go, “Hi!” “Hi.” LIAM: Okay, this is a little off-putting. LAURA: I Invoke Duplicity. MATT: “Ho, ho, ho! Well, that’s just impressive.” LAURA: You’re impressive! MATT: He reaches out and puts his hand out to shake your hand. “What’s your name?” LAURA: Jester. MATT: “And what’s your name?” LAURA: Oh, that’s Jester #2. MATT: It goes through her hand. LAURA: I know. I’m sorry about that. MATT: “Oh, that’s an illusion. Okay. I’m Enchanter Pumat Sol. And this–” “I am also Enchanter Pumat Sol.” And the third one goes, “I myself am also Enchanter Pumat Sol.” LIAM: First question that I have for you, Pumats. MATT: “The fourth one’s in the back.” LIAM: Pumat Sol, is there one of you and this is fun and games or you are–? MATT: “There’s the prime Pumat Sol and the three of us are what you would call magically manifested duplicates to aid in his work.” LIAM: Understood. Well, I only came here for business, so– MATT: “Well! Welcome to the establishment: The Invulnerable Vagrant greets all of you humbly.” LIAM: I am finding it very hard to concentrate at the moment, but I know that I need paper and the most expensive ink you have. MATT: “Oh, we have both of those things, come with me.” He turns around and you can see now as he turns around his head is about to smack into one of these candles and he just– knowing where it is. He’s been so practiced, he just ducks under it and continues walking toward the back. “He needs some–” “Oh I heard him.” He turns around and takes down a couple of inkwells and sets them in front. The other one is pulling out stacks of paper and parchment and is stacking them up, and they set them there. “All right, so how much do you need of how much of each?” LIAM: You know– MARISHA: This guy’s our new Gilmore, you guys! LIAM: I am not seducing this person. MATT: You say this now! LIAM: Touché! MARISHA: Five hundred hours later we’re fighting gods with him! LIAM: I need your most fine arcane ink and I also need your finest paper. I need about 150 gold worth of materials. Is that too much to ask? MATT: “No, that’s comparably, respectfully, a paltry sum. We can get that paper to you. When you say ink, I have to specify: do you want ink that’s used in the ritualistic design and presentation of arcane symbols, scribes, and glyphs? Or you looking for ink that itself is actually enchanted for various uses and manifestation?” LIAM: No. I pull two scrolls out of my pack. I have these. I found them in my journeys and I want to make them a part of my repertoire. MATT: “Oh, that’s some wizard stuff. Okay, we can do that.” (laughter) MATT: He goes ahead and they muster the paper and ink that will easily be utilized for scribing. LIAM: Matt, I love you so much. (laughter) TALIESIN: So glad we’re not really outside, we’re only physically outside. We get to be at the table, and it’s so nice! TRAVIS: Enchanter Pumat Sol, do you have any health potions we might be able to acquire from you? MATT: “We have a few in stock, actually. You want to–” and he’s like “I’m already on it.” Then he turns around and pulls out a large, eight vial collecting case that he sets on the table. “That’s one there. And there’s another. We’ve got a variety of vials at your disposal, so let us know what you’re looking for.” TRAVIS: How much would a greater healing potion run me? MATT: “That? Let’s see here. That would put you back about 200 gold pieces for a single vial.” TRAVIS: How about one of the more basic healing potions? MATT: “A general?” TRAVIS: A general, yes. MATT: “That’ll put you at a simple 50 gold pieces.” TRAVIS: I’ll take one of those. MATT: “It would be my pleasure, Mr. Green Man.” SAM: I think I’ll buy– MATT: “What’s your name, by the way?” TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: “Fjord. Pleasure to meet you.” TRAVIS: Nice to meet you. MATT: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect your invitation there. What’s your name?” SAM: I’m Nott! I’m just Nott! Hi! Nice to meet you! MATT: “Nice to meet you.” SAM: You’re large! MATT: “You’re small.” SAM: Can I have one? I’ll have two of those potions, if you don’t mind. MATT: “Of course.” SAM: Is there a discount for two? MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: That would be zero. (laughter) MATT: “I’m sorry, but this is a business. No discounts, but we’re happy to sell for the price of 50 gold apiece.” SAM: All right, I’ll take two.“ MATT: "All righty, thank you very much.” LAURA: Enchanter Purvon– Permansol? MATT: “Pumat Sol.” LAURA: Pooman Sol. SAM: Pumat. LAURA: Pumat Sol. TALIESIN: It’s like “Poor Matt’s soul.” LAURA and MARISHA: Poor Matt’s soul! MARISHA: It feels very meta. LAURA: Do you guys deal in magical weapons here? MATT: “We deal with all sorts of enchanted items.” He turns as one of the other guys over there goes, “I’ve got it. We have all manner of objects that we’ve crafted, enchanted, and designed.” LAURA: Would you like to buy this? MATT: “Oh, are you looking to sell or trade?” LAURA: It depends on how much you want to pay for it. MATT: “Well, let’s go ahead and clear off.” He takes the vials off the counter and they set a space, and the three of them sit around. You hear this voice behind this thick curtain go, “Is anybody able to help me here for a minute?” “Right there. The two of you, continue this.” One of them goes in the back room to help the fourth one. LAURA: Does the fourth one look just like you? MARISHA: There’s a fourth? LAURA: Yeah, there’s four of them. MARISHA: I thought there was three. MATT: “That’s Pumat Prime. He’s the real guy. But anyway, let’s have a look at this.” You put down the glaive, you said? “This isn’t too bad.” Hand me the item card. LAURA: Fleshrender. LIAM: Meanwhile, I take every gold piece I have in a little sack, plus 20 silver, which is exactly 150, and I am out of money. MATT: With that, they happily pass over to you your purchased parchment and ink. TRAVIS: How much is that glaive worth? MATT: “This is pretty well made for being such a ghastly-looking design. I think it could easily use some fine gold gilding, maybe some extra polishing. Put some ribbons on it and this thing would be a great ceremonial piece. The manticore spines I think are a little garish, personally, but if you’re looking to sell, we could give this to you for about 300 gold.” LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: That is a 17. ALL: Ooh! SAM: What are you insighting? LAURA: To see if he’s– MARISHA: Giving a good deal. LIAM: I looked at the paper, motherfucker. TALIESIN: (whispering) I’m going to kill you. MARISHA: (whispering) Seven days. LAURA: I feel like this guy’s a good guy. SAM: You just died. LIAM: Yeah, I have to make a new character, guys, I’m sorry. LAURA: What do you think, Caleb? LIAM: I think that he’s just dealing with used items. LAURA: I don’t know what that means. LIAM: You could work him for a little bit, not a lot. MATT: “Mind you, if we’re doing it for trade, prices can be a little more in your favor, but understand, I’m a business for profit.” LAURA: You said it needs a little decoration. I take the ribbon off my horn and I wrap it around the handle and I tie it on. What about now? MATT: “That’s adorable. And I’m not going to lie, I like it better.” (laughter) MATT: “302 gold. But for trade, I’ll probably be able to muster a little more. What are you looking for?” LAURA: We are looking for something that can hold a lot of doughnuts in it, and also maybe some other things that are heavy. MATT: “Let me have a look here and see what we can muster. You’re looking for something that could– you traveling type? Is that right?” SAM: Yes. Like a briefcase of carrying. MATT: “A briefcase of carrying?” SAM: A backpack of– TRAVIS: A knapsack of– LIAM: A short case of– TALIESIN: A clutch of objects. MARISHA: A handbag of endless bottom. LIAM: A cheat code, if you will. MATT: “I’ll tell you what. If you give me this here majestic weapon, with the ribbon included, and an additional 200 gold pieces on top of that trade, I can just go ahead–” and the other guy who’s wandered away goes, “We can take this here fantastic haversack off the wall and make it yours. LAURA: Is this fantastic haversack– MARISHA: A Bag of Holding? MATT: "Let me show you.” He sets it down, and it’s this– MARISHA: Is he beating us at our own game? MATT: It’s a backpack with a bunch of various pouches and things that are latched onto it. There’s two side pouches on it beyond the big central one. He opens it up, takes the glaive, and, “Watch this!” and it disappears into it. He reaches in, pulls the glaive out. LAURA: Whoa. That’s pretty cool. SAM: That looks like the thing that we need. MATT: It sticks in there. The big, central pouch. He goes, “The side ones don’t carry as much, but the central side of it does manage to carry about eight cubic feet of material in an extra-dimensional space to call it whenever you require it. Two cubic feet for both of the side pouches. I enchanted it. Well, he enchanted it. We sell it.” LAURA: If we make this deal, does it come with a regular healing potion inside of it, maybe? MATT: Make a persuasion check. MARISHA: Regular potion, regular potion. LIAM: Come on, La. SAM: I mean, that’s cocked a little bit. LAURA: It is a little cocked, but barely cocked. Ten. MATT: “I appreciate your gusto. Were perhaps we had more of a business relationship together, I would consider such a deal, but as this is the first real transaction and time in which we have encountered you and your band of once-filthy travelers, I’m going to have to decline.” TRAVIS: Jester, Wand of Smiles. What about for the wand, too? LAURA: I really like it. SAM: It’s a good wand. It’s a good stick. LAURA: It is a real good stick. I’m going to keep it. TRAVIS: You might need a good laugh. TALIESIN: I can think of uses for that. I’m not here, goddamn it. SAM: We need that sack! LIAM: Jester. Shits and giggles or utility, is the question here. LAURA: Utility here, I’m buying this sack for all of us here. SAM: We need this sack to keep our stuff in it. LIAM: You have enough gold to cover it? LAURA: Of course. And don’t worry, once my mom sends me my care package, we’ll have thousands upon thousands of gold. MATT: “So is that a deal?” LAURA: 200 gold for this beautiful bag. But! I feel like it could be a little prettier. Is there anything you can do to make it prettier for us? MATT: “Give me just a moment.” He turns around and disappears behind the curtain and you hear some talking. Some (inaudible conversation). Another one emerges from behind the curtain who has this leather band on his head with this large magnifying-type tool hanging in front of him with this big smile on his face. He has these thick leather gloves that have a bunch of runes on them. He goes, “I’m sorry, I was summoned to make something prettier?” LAURA: I’d really like, you know, pretty. I’m going to be carrying it, I’d like it to match my outfit. MATT: “What’s your favorite color?” LAURA: Pink! MATT: (Arcane incantation) He finishes and he watches the haversack suddenly shimmers past, and the dull, general, brown leather turns to a bright, vibrant pink. LAURA: Ah! It’s beautiful! 200 gold, here you go. MATT: You hand it to the one guy, who accepts it. “All right, good. I hope you enjoy it. I’m going to get back to work. Keep it up, me.” He goes in the back room. He takes the glaive off. The other guy says, “All right, thank you very much. Any other business you require?” LAURA: Nope. SAM: You need some pastries, but we’d need somewhere else. LAURA: We’ll go somewhere else for that. I doubt you guys sell pastries. MATT: “There’s plenty of vendors. With the raining outside and so late, probably hard to find pastries tonight, but fresh in the morning, just let your nose carry you around. The Pentamarket has plenty.” TRAVIS: I will take one extra of those potions. It’s such a good deal. Here’s another 50 gold. MATT: “It would be my pleasure.” TRAVIS: Thanks. LAURA: Do you know what’s the blacksmith, if the– where did I write it, it disappeared– the Spark Hammer Smithing would still be open right now, or are they going to be closed? MATT: “They’re probably still working. You can maybe convince them to take a conversation.” LAURA: Okie dokie. Thank you so much. MATT: “No worries. Just listen for the clanging and the sparks. All right, if that’s all, I wish you all adieu, come back any time. We’re happy to sell, buy, trade, and generally help out anyone who has money.” LAURA: Man, I want to learn that trick real bad. SAM: Which trick? Oh, the pink-ify? LAURA: No, where you make real versions of yourself that you get to hang out with! TRAVIS: Thank you for your time. MATT: “It’s my pleasure.” TALIESIN: Did we find mulled wine? Did we find a wine vendor? MATT: Oh yeah. No, especially with it so cold outside, you can see there were two different carts that had small, pot-heated, basic alcohol and ciders. TALIESIN: If there were any little confectionaries with that too, we would have bought whatever they had left. MARISHA: We buy pastries for Jester. LIAM: Also, where in the year are we in relation to Winter’s Crest? MATT: Winter’s Crest is actually only celebrated in Tal'Dorei. It does not have cultural significance here in Wildemount. I believe you are three to four months out from it. I’ll have to check the calendar. You guys are just now cresting into the beginning of fall. LIAM: Okay. Good. MATT: As you guys step outside, you are immediately met by Beauregard and Molly, who have come back with some small wooden cups filled with heated, steaming mulled wine and a small care package of baked goods. Which would mark you guys off at about, I’d say total of six silver for the bunch. TALIESIN: I got it. SAM: I need the tarts. LAURA: Why do you need them? I like them. SAM: I cast spells with them. I need just a couple. LAURA: But I like to eat them. SAM: Okay, but I need them. TALIESIN: We bought enough for everybody. SAM: I’ll take two. LIAM: (Napoleon Dynamite voice) Jester, give me your tarts! LAURA: How many tarts do I have? MATT: How many did you buy? MARISHA: A solid baker’s dozen. LAURA: Then we all eat them. MARISHA and TALIESIN: I have one. MATT: You may have to come back and buy more tarts in the morning. MARISHA: If you want one. Do you want one? No, Fjord’s good. LAURA: I have six left. That’s okay, I have six left. TALIESIN: They’re really bright and garish. Really good. LIAM: Red velvet. It’s good. LAURA: Can we say we go and try to sell some of this stuff, or do you guys want to do this next time? MATT: I was going to say, because you guys got to get going pretty soon. What we can do is we can say at this point in the evening, it looks like the blacksmithy is currently closed off to any sort of wares-selling. They’re in the process of creation. You can hear the banging, but upon knocking, they don’t stop their stride of whatever sort of work they’re doing inside with the anvil. The rain begins to let up a little bit. It’s still sprinkling, but at least the heavy downpour has subsided a bit. You make your way through the slushy mud pits that the streets have become, weaving your way between horses and various wagons being pulled through, individuals that are hooded and bundled making their way around. Eventually discovering the outskirts of the Leaky Tap. As you guys step into the warm interior, pulling your hoods back, we’ll pick up on that next week. We’ve got these guys have way too early flights to go to this convention tomorrow. LIAM: What time of day is it as we arrive at the Leaky Tap? MATT: It’s about an hour and a half past dusk. LAURA: Thank you guys for getting pastries for all of us. That was so sweet. SAM: Those men were incredible. The Canadians. TALIESIN: It’s the stuff they serve at the German Christmas markets. There’s pastry and mulled wine everywhere. TRAVIS: He is instantly at the top. LIAM: Where did those cow men come from, Matt? TRAVIS: The facial configuration, too. LIAM: Where does firbolg come from? MARISHA: One of my favorites. MATT: Just world building. Probably fever dream while I’m working on this stuff. TRAVIS: I wish there was more of me. MARISHA: Nyquil does some weird shit. MATT: (Pumat Sol voice) Just come back and try and buy and trade for more things. You know where to find them. TRAVIS: Fuck, so good. LIAM: (Pumat Sol voice) Just been writing campaign lore for too long. MATT: Awesome. Thank you, guys. We’ll pick it up next week from that point, now that you’ve finally found your way to Zadash. This sprawling city. Thank you guys so much for being patient. Thank you for watching, I hope you enjoyed the show. Go visit these guys at Emerald City Comic Con if you have the opportunity. Isn’t Khary there as well, yeah? You can go say hi to Shakäste himself. LAURA: There’s so many people there. It’s going to be so much fun. LIAM: Swamp Khary Payton with CR love. Swamp him. MATT: As we do with every guest. Give him the Critter hug. Yeah guys, have a wonderful week, rest up, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. LAURA: Oh God! TRAVIS: We’re all a bunch of assholes! LAURA: That might be the worst one! TALIESIN: Oh man. MATT: So welcome, Travis and all of you guys. Before we jump into tonight’s game, let’s get through some announcements real fast, so hang tight with us for a moment. First and foremost tonight, our fantastic returning sponsor for this campaign beginning and the foreseeable future, until they decide to vanish in a puff of smoke: It is D&D Beyond! (cheering) MATT: Happy to have you guys! Sam, do you have a few words one that? SAM: D&D Beyond has a mobile app, guys, and it is out on beta! You can download it now at the App Store and the Google Play Store– The Apple App Store and the Google Play Store. And because most– well not most, but a lot of our audience is located in the United Kingdom, I tailored tonight’s D&D Beyond pitch to the British audience. TALIESIN: I’m so sorry. SAM: Oi, mates! Have a butcher’s and be gobbed by this brand new D&D Beyond mobile app for your dog ‘n’ bone! LIAM: Sorry, Kit. SAM: I know my onions on this and I ain’t all mouth and no trousers! It’s a real corker of an app, and you can nick yours on the Apple App Store and blimey, the bloody Google Play Store, too! Are you skint? Tosh! It’s free, and that’s the dog’s bollocks! You don’t got to be minted to get sorted. There’s nothing bent as a nine bob note about it. You get an ereader with the beta, and character sheets will be added in the future tickety-boo! LAURA: Wow! SAM: That’s a real phrase that I looked up. MATT: Of course it is. SAM: So don’t faff a dozy fortnight. You’ll be right gutted if you do! Oh, sweet fanny adams; don’t wag off! Search D&D Beyond at your app store and you’ll be jolly good chuffed about it! Oh now I’m knackered and cream crackered so I’m off to Bedfordshire! Pip pip! TRAVIS: Yes! MATT: Oh wow! TRAVIS: I feel like that was Masterpiece Theatre all at once. LIAM: I refuse to applaud that. I refuse. LAURA: I feel like that would be real hard to do quickly, so I’m impressed! MATT: Thank you, Sam, and we’re sorry. Also, as a quick note for you guys, they’ve begun posting article content on DnDBeyond.com, which has been awesome. We’ve done video content before. Now they’re doing article content as well, editorial, which our very own James Haeck, who you may know helped me with the Tal'Dorei campaign guide, a fantastic writer and a good friend of the show, is doing stuff there now. He’s officially on board with D&D Beyond, and he’s doing the campaign two summaries right now for the Critical Role campaign. Those episode recaps will be posted every Friday! Check them out! So awesome congratulations to you, James, and if you haven’t checked it out, please do, because he’s amazing. That’s DnDBeyond.com! DND not D&D. Next up, reminder for you guys who have Amazon Prime with Twitch Prime. You can subscribe to any channel on Twitch for free each month. You get one which you can grab for free. Just connect your Amazon Prime and your Twitch account and it’s a little button press and there you go. That’s awesome. Talks Machina hosted by Brian W Foster, whom I’m tempted to mess up his name every week because apparently I really– Anyways, he hosts our fantastic Talks Machina wrap-up show about today’s episode next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific here on Twitch and Alpha, so check it out there and check out whatever cast members show up to dish the dirt and shoot the shit and whatever else involves doing something and something. You got it. Daylight Savings Time hits the US on Sunday. TALIESIN: That’s not true, is it? SAM: I didn’t know that! TALIESIN: Why would they do that? MATT: Well, it’s on the list if it’s not. I don’t know anymore. TRAVIS: We spring forward. LAURA: So we lose an hour. MARISHA: So we lose an hour of sleep. MATT: So check out WhenIsCriticalRole.com for an update on when Talks Machina and Critical Role will be live in your timezone if you aren’t lucky enough to be living in the Dark Ages like America is when it comes to keeping track of your time. LIAM: Also, if you’re watching this episode in July of 2019, you’re welcome. MATT: The podcast episode of last week’s episode of Critical Role is available now for all your fine downloadable podcast purposes. And there’s no giveaways tonight from Wyrmwood, but congratulations to our friends at Wyrmwood on the success of their Adventurer’s Arsenal Kickstarter and to all of the guys who supported it. It looks really awesome and to all the critters who supported it, thank you so much and we’ll hopefully be back to giving something next week. We have a couple other cool announcements. One, issue five of Vox Machina: Origins is out if you haven’t seen it yet. MARISHA: Oh man! TRAVIS: Beat to shit Vax on the front! It’s fucking awesome! MATT: It’s pretty great! SAM: I still haven’t read it! I need to! MATT: Sam! It’s really good. We’ve already gotten back a good portion of the art for issue six, the end of this arc, and it looks really good. If you haven’t had a chance, you can check it out. You can download it on ComiXology, on the Dark Horse Comics app, and many other places where fine comic books are sold digitally. LIAM: Laserdisc. MATT: Yes, that too. Let’s see. LAURA: I have an announcement. MATT: Yes, you do. LAURA: Is it on the list? MATT: I think it might be. LAURA: Okay. MATT: I will be leaving late tonight, post-midnight, to fly out to Lexington, Kentucky. TRAVIS: Oh, gross, really? MATT: Yeah, but it’ll be great. I’ll be at the Lexington Toy and Comic Convention to hang out with a bunch of you guys out there in Kentucky! If you haven’t already decided to go, and you’re in the vicinity, please come! We’ll have panels and signings and be around. We can hang out, swap stories, and be general nerds. LAURA: Are you leaving from here to there? MATT: I’m leaving from here to home, to pack, and then leaving. LAURA: You haven’t packed! MATT: I had to finish campaign prep. LAURA: Oh no, Matthew. MATT: It’s a sprint every day! It’ll be fine. Laura, you had an announcement. LAURA: Yes, I do! Oh my gosh, you guys, merchandise! Number one, the tarot cards, which a lot of people have been asking about, are back in stock right now in the Geek & Sundry store. Number two and three, check out these fabulous, fabulous T-shirts! SAM: These are new T-shirts! LAURA: Look at this, our throwback shirt! And we redid our logo shirt in new sophisticated– TALIESIN: Darkest timeline Critical Role. Critical Role darkest timeline. LAURA: If you’re looking for them, they’re not in the store now. We wanted to announce them– SAM: Wait, they’re not? LAURA: I know. They’re going to be available next Thursday. We’re announcing them right now so that those of you that don’t see this live– MARISHA: People on YouTube always get mad at us. TALIESIN: This is a little love to YouTube. Now you’ve got four days to figure your stuff out. TRAVIS: Think about the Europes and the other places that are asleeps. MARISHA: Those people you just addressed. LAURA: They’re going to be there on Thursday next week. MATT: Awesome. Thank you, Laura. LAURA: Thanks, everybody, for talking over my fucking announcement. TRAVIS: Hey, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay. MATT: You got this, Travis. This is all you. TRAVIS: I know. MARISHA: Pregnant rage. LIAM: You son of a bitch! TRAVIS: (pretend cries) You want some pickle juice? MATT: Last but not least, we have a cool announcement for an upcoming event. For those of you who are in, around, or planning to visit Chicago in April for C2E2, I think pretty much the whole cast, aside from Ashley who will be filming, will all be there for Critical Role panels, signing events, all that fun stuff. In Chicago, April 7th on Saturday and April 8th on Sunday, we’ll be there to party in Chicago. TRAVIS: Panels and autographs. We loved the critters that came out to Seattle. Chicago, it’s time to represent. SAM: I want to taste some bratwurst. MATT: That can be done. SAM: Some beers. I want some Chicago-style pizza. MATT: Bring all those for Sam at the signing. LAURA: By the way, this isn’t an announcement, but I think it’s important, that I only chose from dice that were given to me in Seattle for my dice that I was rolling tonight. TALIESIN: I may have picked from the remains, carrion-like, as well. LIAM: I would like to announce a small amount of progress for Laura Bailey, who resisted the urge to keep a super cool d20 for herself, which she wanted to do. She gave it to me. LAURA: I was ordered to, so yes. LIAM: Hopefully it stays in my bag. LAURA: Maybe. MARISHA: I have one final announcement. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Key Question just came out on Tuesday! It’s a show that Key and I created. We talk about Deadpool– Matt Key! Watch Alpha! For those who want to watch it and don’t want to pay for Alpha, you can get a free 60 days with the promo code “question.” There were a ton of people who responded to my tweet with the promo code in it saying, “Yeah, but I don’t want to have to pay for Alpha.” You need to read further down the tweet. I’m telling you now! Promo code Alpha– no. Promo code for Alpha: Question. 60 days. Go watch shit. TRAVIS: Roll a d20 real quick, just for that. MARISHA: Not bad, I did okay. MATT: The full schedule will be announced for us at C2E2 early next week. You can buy tickets at c2e2.com, and tomorrow is the deadline to order badges to receive them by mail, so any badge orders after that will have to be held at will call. Just a heads up! I think that’s the last of our announcements. With that, let’s jump in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. (laughing) MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, the newly decided-upon title for this adventuring group was announced to Bryce, and as such you are now referred to as the Mighty Nein. ALL: Nein! MATT: The Mighty No, in Zemnian. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Big nope. MATT: Upon finishing your business in Alfield, you acquired your new cart, new horses, and found your way on the Amber Road northward for a number of days, making your way toward Zadash. Along the way, you had some curious naps, you found some cool little landmarks from a war long past, you were nearly robbed and instead shooed them off with cries of extreme syphilis, and then entered the gates of Zadash yourselves. Upon which, you briefly met a character named Ulysses, who offered, at a bit of cost, to show you around town for the remainder of the day. Unfortunately, the sun set within the next couple of hours, but you were led toward the Pentamarket, where you did a little bit of shopping, offloaded some things you’d acquired in your previous venture in the mines where you battled the gnolls, encountered a purveyor of various magical artifacts named Enchanter Pumat Sol, acquired some baked goods from the market, and then finished up by making your way to The Leaky Tap, where you had just begun to cross the threshold when we left off last week. With that, coming in out of the now-cold night air, mouths filled with various crumbs and residue of sweets having been consumed on the walk, you enter the darkened interior of The Leaky Tap. Now, The Leaky Tap itself is a simple, but very large tavern. You can see there’s space here for at least a dozen tables, and chairs and stools crowded around. While it lacks decor, it seems to have charm, with a rather ratty-looking band in the corner that’s playing mostly on-key. It appears that a number of people who have found their way– this is the Eastern Outersteads, I believe– have wandered in to spend whatever coppers they want to throw towards a drink to send their cares away for the evening, and/or argue with each other about how better to make the day before them. Upon stepping into the chamber, you can see there’s already about 25 patrons scattered amongst the tables, and the evening appears to be slowly crawling to more of a roar. There’s chatter and whispers, there’s laughter and the clanks of metal and glass. You can see already there’s one long bar on the far end of the room that is broken in the center for a number of entryway hatches, and two busied bartenders rushing back and forth. What do you guys want to do? SAM: I, Sam Riegel, want to go back and see Pumat Sol again. But that would not make narrative sense. MATT: There’s always tomorrow. MARISHA: Can I do a quick case of the room? See if I see anybody suspicious? TRAVIS: Give them the old evil eye? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Come on, first roll of the night. MARISHA: Perception check. Okay, that’s not too bad. 15. MATT: 15, okay. Glancing about, most of the patrons in here range from somewhat dusty, destitute clothing that looks to be torn and ragged at the edges. Some can be farm hands, but most of the farm work you’ve seen is done on the outskirts of the outer walls of Zadash, but you’ve also walked through folks in the street that sit on the side peddling handcrafted wares and whatever they can muster to try and make ends meet on the outskirts of the city proper. You notice two fairly dressed individuals compared to the rest that are in the process of doing a quick game of cards. You can see a large group of people that are just beginning to gather and keeping an eye out towards the door if anybody else they recognize is going to come in. Looks to be about eight or so strong, with younger half-elf woman or so who, as you guys enter, sees you, glances over, then shakes her head and goes back to conversation. SAM: Bachelorette party. MATT: Oh, straight up. You can see the whole banner on the– MARISHA: Penis necklaces. TRAVIS: Dick whistle. Yeah. LIAM: Except this is D&D so they’re real penises. MARISHA: Gnoll penises, yeah. MATT: Cast Identify on that. LIAM: Ten gold a head. MATT: The attunement process is a little weird. Anyway. LIAM: I’m at a bar, that’s the way it goes. MATT: You do see one of the barkeeps leaves behind and gives a finger off to the other one to pick up the slack. The one leaving looks to be an elven woman, what would look to be the equivalent of a human 40s or so, so who knows how long her actual elven age is. Looks graceful, looking a bit disheveled, hair pulled back and tied into a small haphazard bun, simple apron, washing up her hands and toweling them off as she passes off the full bar to a male dragonborn. White-scaled, plump physique, he himself is wearing a similar apron with a big smile on his face. He seems jolly, rushing back and forth taking orders, filling drinks, and looks like even though he’s a bit stressed at the moment, having to take the slack, is handling it with a smile and is used to the usual evening ruckus. MARISHA: And so the two, the dragonborn and the female elven lady seem to be running the joint. MATT: They seem to be, yeah. MARISHA: Copy that. TRAVIS: I figure we want some drinks and food, yeah? LAURA: And also we should rent some rooms. MARISHA: Hey, Jester, it looks like there’s a game of cards going on over there. LAURA: Oh, okay, I will– MARISHA: Just tossing it out there. LAURA: I will do that. MARISHA: You don’t have to take my– TRAVIS: Or you could eat first; we’ve been traveling– LAURA: I’m gone. LIAM: I saw that you were eyeballing the room. Alles gut? MARISHA: What? LIAM: Everything is good? MARISHA: Yeah, it’s fine. Yeah. Seems like a room. People in it. LIAM: That is accurate. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Sir, can I bother you for a second? MATT: At that point, and hand comes up and he goes, “Excuse me, just a moment.” Fills up two tankards on the side, slides them down a bit, grabs a couple silver, pockets it, comes back. TRAVIS: He’s busy. MATT: Turns back to you, and maybe a good solid inch or two taller than you, a burly-looking dragonborn– TRAVIS: (whistles) LAURA: He’s not that tall. You’re not Grog anymore. TRAVIS: Who’s that? MATT: With a dangerous-looking front of the snout, that as soon as it spins to you and he looks at you with this big, toothy grin, you can see scars in areas where it’s been split in the past. This guy’s seen some rough action in his past. But as soon as the large dragon mouth curls up into this smile, the golden yellow eyes peeking from behind these stark white scales, themselves look a bit dusty– LIAM: White scales? MATT: Yes. “Right, so what can I do for you?” TRAVIS: Yeah, can we just grab any booth or table that’s available? We’re looking for some food and drink this evening. MATT: “Oh food and drink, I can go ahead and get started, at least get the order in the kitchen. Pick a table, sit a spell, rack up. You paying up front, or you like a tab?” TRAVIS: I think a tab. Yeah? TALIESIN: A tab with a conversation of possible rooms for rent later. MATT: “Oh. How many rooms you looking? (louder) I’ll be right with you, hold your shit! Yes?” MARISHA: How many rooms you got? MATT: Looks under the counter real fast. Pulls out a small board. TRAVIS: Three rooms. MATT: “Oh, we got plenty, we’ve got like seven of them open. Three rooms, and a tab under the name–” SAM and TALIESIN: Nein. TALIESIN: Nein. SAM: Just Nein. TALIESIN: Nein will do. MATT: “There’s six of you.” TALIESIN: N-I-E-N, Nein. MATT: “Oh, Zemnian. Fucking weird. All right.” LIAM: It is one of the languages of the country. SAM: It’s a lovely language. MARISHA: What was your name? MATT: “Me? I’m Wessek the Trim.” MARISHA: Wessek the Trim. LIAM: Good name. SAM: We have the same middle name! MATT: “Purveyor of the bar here–” TALIESIN: Is he, in fact, trim? MATT: No, he is a plump dragonborn. TALIESIN: Just checking if it was an ironic nickname or not. MATT: He has lived a happy midlife. “I’m purveyor of drinks and keeper of food here at the Leaky Tap. Happy to get your food orders in, get some drinks to your table. Sit back, relax. There’s usually a show at some point in the night.” LAURA: I’m hopping over to the card game. SAM: I’m going to tag along beside her. Hey, do I see any other goblins in this bar? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Two. MATT: No. In fact, from your height, just a lot of bums. LAURA: A lot of butts. MATT: A whole lot of butts in there. SAM: I’m going to assume that I’m okay then. TRAVIS: Any other half-orcs in this bar? MATT: You do not see any half-orcs in this bar. As you go over to the table, the two gentlemen who are playing cards, you sit down and glance. One of them looks to be an older man in his 50s or so, his pattern baldness curling back, but has this curled mush of brown, now graying, hair on the outskirts of it. He’s wearing a billowing shirt of a nicer silk. That’s why it caught your eye. These two seem, not extremely well-off by any means, but at least better than a lot of the other riff-raff that are finding their way in, including you guys. LAURA: My dress is nice, I don’t know what you’re talking about. MATT: Your dress is pretty nice, you’re right. That’s true. The other one is in the process of heavily concentrating on his hand. This one looks a lot younger. He has this scraggly mustache. It looks like he’s probably been growing it since childhood, and has let it go in its glory. He has a button-up high collar bit and a cravat that has loosened and fallen. Both of these gentlemen, upon a closer look, look like they’re dressing up beyond their station, and at the end of the night have come to alleviate their stresses with drink and yelling at each other over cards. LAURA: Hop, hop. I sit down. MATT: “Yes?” LAURA: What are we playing? Are we playing Go Fish, or War, or– MATT: They both stop mid-conversation and glance over. “We’re playing whatever suits us at the moment. We’re in the midst– ” LAURA: What is suiting you right now? MATT: “Well, we are in the moment finishing a quick game of poker. If you would be so kind as to leave us to our game in peace, that would be appreciated.” LAURA: I will play with you! I’m not very good, so you can take so much money from me. MARISHA: Yes! Grift it, girl! MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: I am watching this from the table. This is the show. LAURA: 17. MATT: 17. The younger one, who was talking to you, glances over to the older gentleman, who’s in the process of glancing back, and they take a moment and they both look back to you together. “I suppose, if you want to buy in, then that is your choice.” LAURA: You can finish your game though, I’ll just watch. MATT: They wordlessly continue the game. They begin arguing over the process of rising prices between irons coming down from the Druvenlode city, which is one of the larger mining cities in the empire. They begin to also discuss the quality of alcohol, seems to be diminishing the more they drink. Eventually, with one final hand, the younger one slaps down his cards, and the older one in frustration goes, “Fine! You win.” LAURA: I applaud the younger guy. What do you want to play, Nott? Do you want to play? SAM: I’ll just watch for now. Do you want me go get you a drink and bring it back, or are you okay? LAURA: No, unless you want to get some milk. SAM: I’ll just watch for now. LAURA: Okay. What is the buy-in? MATT: “What do you wish to play?” LAURA: What do you wish to play? MATT: For the sake of ease of the sudden card game, he looks around at the other guy. “Do you know the Crick-Queen’s Call?” LAURA: I do! I love it, this is the one I was telling you about! SAM: You were? LAURA: Yeah, remember, with the three cards? SAM: Oh, yes, I remember. LAURA: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. MATT: “Very well, then.” He goes to shuffle the cards rather rapidly before he begins dealing out the early sets. TALIESIN: Is it a clean shuffle? MATT: You may make a perception check. LAURA: I would watch that, too. Are you watching this? TALIESIN: Nope, I don’t see shit. LAURA: I would be watching this, too, because I’m kind of a– MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: A question. Is there any rafters, or any high place in the room behind these gentlemen? MATT: There are rafters, yeah. It’s not a very high peaked ceiling. The actual roofing element of this, at least, begins about twelve feet up, and there’s a small space before the beams meet the top. LIAM: For the moment I scootch Frumpkin down to the floor and send him off towards behind these gentlemen to hang around under that spot, for the moment. MATT: All right. LAURA: 22 perception. MATT: It seems to be a clean shuffle, and a clean deal. LAURA: Do we put two gold in, or some silver? MATT: Both the guys look at each other again, their eyes a little wide. “Two gold would suffice, yes. Of course.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: He strokes his way-too-soft mustache. TRAVIS: Not-all-there mustache. LIAM: Nott, I think you’re too young to be watching this. You should come sit with me over here. SAM: It’s very fascinating, though. LIAM: No, it’s a bad idea. You’re too little for gambling. LAURA: You’re not too little, Nott, you’re not. SAM: She doesn’t think I am, but if Caleb says so, then I should go with Caleb. Good luck! LIAM: Use your skill. LAURA: Okay! MARISHA: I’m confused. Is she actually that young, or is that part of the game? LIAM: Come, let us go sit over here. MARISHA: Is that part of the scam? LIAM: I walked away from this one. MATT: Two gold on the table from each of you, so that’s six gold in the full pot. Go ahead and make your roll, 3d6. SAM: Ooh. What do you do, take the best two? What do you do? LAURA: No, no, no. MATT: Everyone rolls, and then you can raise your ante. LAURA: Wait. I’m going to try to use one of my own cards and try to replace one of the cards. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: Frumpkin climbs up into the rafters with a view of the gentleman’s cards. LAURA: 19. MATT: 19? Okay. TALIESIN: Can I try to perceive this too? MATT: Sure, make a perception check. TALIESIN: 18. MATT: No, you do not. They all look at their hands. The younger one with the mustache keeps stroking the front of his face and goes, “I’ll raise four.” You don’t roll yet. You have to raise first. LAURA: I thought I was trying to cheat and replace one of my things. MATT: Oh, you were. Yes, you’re right. LAURA: Do I get to choose what it is, or do I roll again? MATT: You just roll again. LAURA: Okay. I rolled it. It was shit. Okay. MATT: He goes, “Raising an additional two gold pieces.” LIAM: I would like to start looking at their cards through Frumpkin’s eyes. LAURA: I’m definitely raising two. From your two, I’m going to add in another three. So five extra on the table. LIAM: (quietly) Get ready to use your wire. SAM: Okay. I’m pulling out my thin bit of wire and I’m getting ready to cast Message. TRAVIS: We just can’t have a fucking peaceful drink, can we? Just got to get right into shit. Okay. MATT: I know. All right. They meet your raise. That’s now 21 gold, I believe, on the table, so you all get to draw another card. So reroll one more. The older one– SAM: Folds? MATT: No, he stays. LAURA: Okay. The younger one? MATT: Perception check. LIAM: Yeah. That’s a 21. MATT: 21. Yeah, you can see. LAURA: I’ll cover my ears so I don’t know. SAM: You’re about to know when I whisper it to you. LAURA: Oh, okay. Never mind. MATT: The younger one has a crap hand. He’s trying to bluff and he’s already sweating a bit. The older one is looking really good. LIAM: Okay. Tell our friend that Mr. Mustache is sitting pretty and the young boy has Scheiße. MATT: Well, the mustache is the younger one. The older one is– LIAM: Reverse that order please. Also, I would like the curly fries. SAM: I point to her and whisper in my bit of copper wire and do a little hand gesture, and say all of that to her. The young one’s bluffing! The old one’s got a sick hand! He’s going to burn you! Burn you good! LAURA: Hmm. I’m going to sleight of hand and try and replace one of my cards. TRAVIS: Jesus! In one game? MATT: All right, so go attempt it again. Go and roll a deception– or sorry sleight of hand. LAURA: Oh god. MATT: You guys are so honed in on this! LAURA: Oh, 16? TRAVIS: Oh no. MATT: The young guy is sweating a bit and he gets more nervous. He just continues to stroke his little caterpillar mustache, quicker and smaller bits. The older guy who seems to be playing rather spacey the whole time suddenly zooms in on your hands and goes, “I do say, I think we’re being had.” LAURA: What, by who? MATT: He leans forward and pulls one of the cards that you had slipped into your sleeve, out onto the table. LAURA: Oh, that’s weird where did that come from? I shouldn’t wear such loose sleeves, you guys. That was really obvious. MATT: The old guy stands up and leans forward. You can see he has this bloodshot corners, a little bit where the white show for deep brown irises. The smell of alcohol and dirt wafts off of him as he leans forward. “I will not report you for cheating, but we will taking the rest of the pot.” LAURA: Wait, cheating? What are you talking about? MATT: He just takes the coins and scoops them up. LAURA: Wait, I thought that was part of the game. Is it not? MATT: They get up and leave. LAURA: Motherfuckers, they took my money. SAM: Did you win? LAURA: Yes Nott, I won real good. SAM: I knew you would. LAURA: I only lost seven gold. That was a lot of fun, you guys. That was a good trick with the messages! SAM: It didn’t seem to help very much, though. LAURA: No, but it would have if I had succeeded in these– gosh I really need to get tighter sleeves, though. LIAM: Yeah, but that one had potential. LAURA: Molly, you have to teach me how to do that better, okay? TRAVIS: She wants to play again, right now. LAURA: What? TRAVIS: What? I said you want to play again, don’t you? LAURA: (laughing) So bad. TRAVIS: Yeah Laura’s dying on the inside. LAURA: (yells) SAM: Should we follow them outside and kill them? LAURA: Ooh. No, probably not. TALIESIN: That doesn’t seem very nice. LIAM: Why don’t instead we have something to drink and eat. TRAVIS: I agree with you 100%. LAURA: You know what else we should do? TALIESIN: Follow them outside and rob them? TRAVIS: Molly, come on now. TALIESIN: Sorry. LAURA: Did we get rooms? TALIESIN: We did get rooms. LAURA: Yay. Are we roommates? MARISHA: Roomies! MATT: Dinner arrives, drinks have been provided. You guys are able to use your meal and figure out who you want to talk to, what you want to do, your business. LAURA: We should look for Claudia. SAM: We were told that there was Claudia Sheet here. LAURA: Sheed. SAM: Sheed. Sheedy. Ally Sheedy is here. MARISHA: Oh I love her. TRAVIS: Sheed or Sheen? MATT: Sheed. SAM: Charlie Sheen. LIAM: Only I get to say Schiet, you have to say Sheed. SAM: She’s probably the elven woman working at the bar since we were told she works here, right? TALIESIN: Claudia Sheed? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Claudia Sheed. LAURA: Let’s ask about– TALIESIN: (yelling) Claudia Sheed! TRAVIS: Yeah, go get her, Molly. MATT: As you’re shouting this out, some people start looking over, curious as this very ostentatiously dressed tiefling starts shouting essentially the owner of the tavern out in the center of the tavern. No one seems to make any physical action towards it. However, Wessek points over towards you. “Oh, she took some time off. She’s up in her office, sorry.” TALIESIN: Brilliant, thank you. TRAVIS: That was very effective. TALIESIN: I normally find shouting people’s names really loudly tends to bring them to your table. TRAVIS: Right. I wonder where her office is. LAURA: We could ask. TALIESIN: We could look. Have we had food and drink yet? MATT: Yeah, you guys have eaten. And now you’re in the process– you don’t have to roleplay every meal. (various eating noises) TRAVIS: Nott has to roleplay every meal. LIAM: What time of the evening do I know it to be? MATT: At this point, it’s probably pushing close to ten o'clock. LIAM: Ja, okay. MATT: The sun’s been set for a couple hours. LIAM: Yeah, that’s late. It’s not that late. TRAVIS: Anybody feel like going up and giving ole Claudia a door rap, at her office? LIAM: I thought you were going somewhere else, for a second. TRAVIS: No. TALIESIN: I’m interested either way. So I’m going to stand up and start heading upstairs. MARISHA: Yeah, I’m bored. Let’s go. TALIESIN: Come, Unpleasant One, let’s go. MARISHA: All right. Obnoxious One, I’m with you. MATT: There’s a brief spiral staircase towards the far back that leads to a landing and then the second floor. From the outside, you could see there were three floors to it. So this probably progresses– there’s another staircase further down the hallway. From the landing up there, there’s a single doorway that is currently closed. It has no name on it, but it stands alone from the rest of it, and it seems to be in the direction as to where Wessek was pointing. TALIESIN: I’m going to look for what looks like an office. For whatever door seems most inconvenient. MATT: At a quick glance, the one on the landing. TALIESIN: The one on the landing it is. TALIESIN and MARISHA: (click and knock the same pattern) SAM: What the fuck was that? TRAVIS: Wow, y'all. MATT: We’ve been hanging out far too long. This is a problem. There’s a moment. “Yes, who is it?” TALIESIN: Friends from out of town. MATT: “More information, please.” TALIESIN: Bryce sent us. MATT: “Bryce who?” LAURA: Bryce from Alfield. SAM: You’re not there. LAURA: Yes, I am. We went up there, I thought. MARISHA: Crownsguard Bryce. TALIESIN: From Alfield. MATT: “All right, just a moment, please.” About 30 or so seconds pass and the door opens, and the same elven woman you saw leave from behind the bar earlier. However, the disheveled appearance you saw earlier is gone, is pristine, clean and the hair is immaculately combed and pulled up into a high bun, wearing a deep maroon, almost a silk robe that is pulled over, arms across. LAURA: I was desanitizing him. MATT: Oh, fair enough. “So you are friends of Bryce.” TALIESIN: We have come from very far to take a look– MARISHA: Converse. TALIESIN: Converse. MARISHA: Right? MATT: “Well, they are a very good friend. And if you are friends of them, then you are friends of “mine. I ask you to enter for the time being and perhaps we can get to know each other, I suppose, "if you have business. Enter, please.” She turns and whips around and heads back inside. This office is a simple office. When you consider most of the offices you’ve encountered have been in some level of empire clerical work, and/or in various institutions, this is mainly just a desk with a chair, some books and ledger information, some scattered papers, ink and quill, a few books on the side. Other than that, it’s pretty barren and simple. There is a window in the back that has a crossbeam bisecting it into four squares. It is just pitch black outside ‘cause the rest of it is just an alley below. Anyway, she turns around and sits in the chair and comes back, and crosses her hands in front of her with her elbows on the edge of the table. “All right, you have my attention. What can "I do for you?” TALIESIN: Well, to wrap it up a bit, we’ve just recently got into town. We’re looking for employment, odd jobs. We were recommended to you to be the person to talk to about what actually is going on in this city. We’re new to this city, we don’t necessarily have our thumb on the pulse of what’s going on. MATT: “You are here looking for work? Well, for one, if you are in need of paying work, I always "have dishes to wash. But at a quick glance at how you are presented as a little more capable "individuals at first glance, I would say that perhaps you have other skills. So I would–” MARISHA: I do the dude at a bar thing and push up my biceps. TRAVIS: It works. MATT: “If you are better with a blade or information, then checking at the King’s Hall Board "might be a solid bet for you.” TALIESIN: We just figured we would make sure that you were aware we were here. We don’t want to ruffle any feathers and we don’t necessarily know who are the right people, the wrong people to work for. MATT: “Every person you meet is the right and the wrong person, depending on where you are coming from.” TALIESIN: That’s very fair. MATT: “I guess I would ask what for you is the wrong type of people?” LAURA: Shitty people. TRAVIS: Yeah, we’d like to avoid entanglements with the law, being so new and all. MATT: “Right, then perhaps do not punch any crownsguard and I think you’ll be okay.” TALIESIN: Sounds easy, except it’s really not. MARISHA: It does seem like crownsguard tend to be assholes. TALISIN: Deeply punchable. MARISHA: Have you ever had any issues with the Crownsguard? We’ve heard rumors. MATT: “I mean, individuals, yes.” There’s a brief moment where she looks wistfully into the distance. “I’ve had my encounters, not so much with Crownsguard, but with other figures.” MARISHA: Do we need to kick someone’s ass for you? MATT: “Oh, I’ve already made sure their ass has been thoroughly kicked.” TRAVIS: Maybe it might be wise to ask any particular groups to avoid while we’re here. MATT: She crosses her arms for a second. “Interesting point. Where are you from? Have you "always lived in the empire?” LAURA: No, I’m from– you’re from Port Damali. I’m from Nicodranas. MATT: “From the Menagerie Coast. You are in for a treat of comparably colorful times. But a probably "less jovial atmosphere in places. You know about the religious control, correct?” TRAVIS: We’re slightly aware. LAURA: Wait, what? TRAVIS: Well, they frown– TALIESIN: Grace of the Platinum Dragon. MATT: “There are– for well over a century now, the worship of various deities in the empire has been "controlled. There are shrines throughout the city. Most cities contain a shrine of some kind to the "approved worships. I just want to ensure that, if you do not fall into this realm, you do not go "flashing it about, because that will get you very easily put into the Umber Dungeon and that is not "a place you want to be.” LAURA: Where are these shrines that you are talking about? MATT: “They are scattered about. For instance, there is the Allhammer. Their shrine is– let me "think for a second,” as I consult my notes. TRAVIS: Yeah, getting the good shit right now. MARISHA: The Umber Dungeon? MATT: The Umber Dungeon. “There is the Hearth of the Allhammer that is existing in the Pentamarket.” LAURA: Ooh, we were just there! MATT: “Look for the domed iron structure. It may be a bit rusty, not in the best upkeep. It’s hard "to miss the interior with the very heavy, beautiful anvil, for both craftwork of those that "maintain a position. What else do you want to know about it? There is the Raven’s Den, which is in the center of the graveyard.” LAURA: That sounds good, too. MATT: “The Ossuary Gates is the multilayered catacomb graveyard. The Raven’s Den exists in the "center area of that field.” LAURA: Do the shrines usually have a lot of people in them? MATT: “Midday, and depending on which places of worship they are, yes. But there are Heralds that "run each shrine; they work for the empire. They hold all sermons. They give council to anybody who "requires it. It’s all pretty much within the government structure, yes.” TRAVIS: Are there any particular groups of people that are responsible for unsavory business in the city? Any identifying clothing or memorabilia they might have on them? MATT: “Not visibly, no. There are many people that work underneath the law here, but they are careful "enough, if they wish to continue business, to not show it. I mean, what, are you looking for that "kind of work?’ TRAVIS: No, just perhaps to keep an eye out for in case we sought employment from the wrong type. MARISHA: You know, tourists. We have that tourist look. TALIESIN: Speaking of tourist looks, how much of a problem would this be in general? MATT: "You should be fine. It’s– you should be fine.” TALIESIN: Excellent. MATT: “For the most part, those of various unique heritages have harder times at the farther "eastern areas, around the garrisons. Those that have to keep the creatures of Xhorhas at bay, and "possibly historians that believe that this is the Curse of Ghor Dranas, but you know. For the most "part, most nobody studies history and just consider you either unique-looking or will avoid you regardless.” MARISHA: Wait, no one studies history, really? Do you not have a good public school system or something? I was just curious. MAT: “Well, if you want to go study history–” that would be over here. “In the Interstead Sprawl, we "do have the Apple Tree Tutor Village. That is three long buildings owned and provided by the "Soltryce Academy for basic learning to children and adults of the less affluent lifestyle for a "moderate price.” MARISHA: Like private school? MATT: If you’re looking for a comparison here, it would be upper-end public school, if anything. LIAM: Charter school? MARISHA: Magnet programs? MATT: Sure, we’ll put it at a charter school. LIAM: Lotteries are a bitch! MATT: But controlled by the Soltryce Academy. MARISHA: All controlled by the Soltryce. MATT: Yes. “The head tutor there is an overworked and relatively stressed-out individual.” TRAVIS: Head tutor, you said? MATT: “Yes. Mikael Drom. Very nice fellow. Eager to help, but the system has been difficult for him.” TALIESIN: Is there a shrine to the Dragon, as well? MATT: “There is. There is a Platinum House. That would also be in the Interstead Sprawl. Look for "the beautiful white building with deep blue tapestries on the outside. They’re reflective, "mirror-like, during the day. It’s almost a beacon for having to shield your eyes. Meditation, "worship, is all available within there. Sermon’s usually around noon.” MARISHA: You mentioned all the sanctioned shrines. Are there any unsanctioned shrines? MATT: “Anything that isn’t the Platinum Dragon, the Raven Queen, Allhammer, Dawnfather, Lawbearer, "and the Knowing Mistress.” MARISHA: So six, that’s it? MATT: “There are six.” MARISHA: Six approved gods. LAURA: All of those guys. Of course we knew about those guys. TRAVIS: Jester, now, that doesn’t seem to cover who you’re looking for, though. LAURA: Oh, well, you know– MATT: “I don’t judge. If you worship what you want, you can, just be careful about it.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Don’t tell anyone.” TALIESIN: Ixnay on the angers-stray. LAURA: Okay! I won’t tell anyone. MATT: “Very well.” SAM: She’s going to tell everyone. MATT: “That’s going to help you. Anything else you want to know? I’ve been living here most of my life.” TRAVIS: Job postings. Anywhere we might go to– LAURA: Well, we have the King’s Hall board, yo. That’s where the job postings are. MATT: “King’s Hall is a good resource. If you’re really hit up hard and you want to try the route "that Bryce did, you can always sign up to become a member of the military.” TALIESIN: Eh. LAURA: Go fuck yourself! No! MATT: “It works well for some people. It pays, you are trained. The Righteous Brand is very helpful "and helps keep the Empire safe from the terrors that wander in and beyond the borders.” TALIESIN: We’re also always big fans of underbellies, especially if there’s an underbelly with a heart of gold. LAURA: Especially one if it’s furry and you can pet it. MATT: “There are plenty of underbellies, but they are localized, scattered, and very protective. "Keep your ears open, ask the right questions.” TALIESIN: Are there names that, if we hear, we should trust? MATT: “I don’t trust anybody. That’s how I’m still alive and that’s how I came to own this tavern.” MARISHA: Great corner office, by the way. You have a window! MATT: “Thank you.” MARISHA: That’s great. MATT: “I had to change it a bit. The man I took it all from, I wanted him to leave nothing behind.” LAURA: Was he perchance named The Gentleman? MATT: There’s a quick glance in your direction. Her expression darkens and she goes, “No, but I "would be very careful how you use that name.” LAURA: Oh, shit. MARISHA: Really, now? LAURA: Do you know him? MATT: “I do not know him, but I know of him. That thing I said about trying not to get in trouble "with the darker elements of the city that might be in over your head? That is very specifically one "who wallows in that mire.” LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: He wallows in the underbelly shit? That’s what you said? That’s me asking the DM. MATT: Yes, basically, wallows in the mire of the underbelly shit. Sounds like a fun lyric. (singing) Wallows in the mire of the underbelly shit! LAURA: That’s the second verse. TRAVIS: Well, thank you for your time. I think we’ll find our way back down to the belly of this tavern. MATT: “Very well. I will walk you down.” LIAM: Sorry. MATT: “Yes.” LIAM: I want to touch on something happening– I’m not there. We’re not there. MATT: Oh, right. LIAM: So I want to touch on something that’s happening at the same time, but I will wait until you think it’s a good moment. MATT: Sure. You can do it now while they’re exiting the office. While they’ve been in there– LIAM: Yeah. Nott and Caleb didn’t go up. They’re busy. Would you like to learn something interesting? SAM: A magic trick? LIAM: Sort of. SAM: Yes! LIAM: It’s a little homework and a little bit magic trick. This is where I keep my spells. This is my book. And this is the piece of luck that you helped me achieve in Trostenwald. Over the months and years, I gather the amount of magic tricks that I can do. So in this book, for instance, there is a new spell that I do not even know how to use myself where I can make an invisible helper. What is going to happen now, I bought supplies for it– I find a booth for us in the corner– is I am going to move it from here into here and I thought you could help me. Would you like to do that? SAM: Yes! LIAM: Okay. So you can see– SAM: Photocopying! TRAVIS: Xerox! LIAM: I don’t know what that means, but this will take a little while. Here, hold this. I hand a quill to her. Hold that. You can see the markings on this page. It’s intricate, but you can do the first few strokes. It needs to look like that, it needs to go here. I guide her hand a little bit to make sure that it doesn’t smudge too much. It’s still workable. Good. Now I will fill in the details. I spend the next– they are probably gone for 15 minutes– putting down the glyphs and the markings. SAM: It’s delightful! LIAM: And begin the first 30 minutes of the two hours I need to spend copying this. SAM: Too much. I’ll need to be plied with many drinks. LIAM: Oh, yeah. Sliding them over. SAM: How’s my penmanship? MATT: So far, so good. We’ll see how it progresses. As you guys exit the office, at the bottom of the stair, you can see that group that was gathering earlier, with the young girl that was looking out towards the entryway, is there waiting at the base of the stair. MARISHA: The bachelorette party? MATT: Yeah, the bachelorette party, if you will. Though it was a mixed group. As soon as you exit with Claudia, they notice her, notice you, and all step back for a moment and wait. As you step down the stairs, a young half-elf girl, freckled, auburn hair, a smudged face of a hard day’s work, leans forward and goes, “Terribly "sorry, Claudia. Are we good to use the cellar for the meeting?” “Yes, of course. It is available to "you right now. Not a problem.” She goes, “All right, thank you very much.” She turns around and begins gathering up the crew. You can see a few people at the bar, she’s slowly gathering the folk until there’s a cluster of about 20 or so. They all begin making their way towards where the kitchen is into a pantry area. LAURA: Are they going to have an orgy? MATT: You’re going to have to follow to find out. LAURA: I’m asking that of Claudia. MATT: Oh. SAM: Out loud. MATT: She goes, “No, not so much. They are passionate political debaters.” LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: Are you helping run some underground clubs? TRAVIS: Just right out in the open, huh? MARISHA: In your cellar? MATT: “No, I am merely providing a space for people that are wanting to work through some "difficulties they have with their lifestyle. That is all.” LAURA: I’m running to find Caleb. LIAM: It’s like latticework, you have to do the smaller circle inside the larger. SAM: You have to do this with every spell? LIAM: Each one’s a little bit different. TALIESIN: (whispering) Caleb! SAM: We’re busy here! LIAM: We’re really right in the middle of something. TALIESIN: That’s all right, we just need your cat. MARISHA: I trail with Fjord! I want to know. TRAVIS: As we’re heading down, I lean over to Beau. LIAM: Frumpkin climbs up Molly’s back. TALIESIN: I’m tossing Frumpkin in the direction of that. LIAM: What are you doing with my cat? TALIESIN: In the basement! LAURA: Oh, you have to look through his eyes. SAM: You won’t be able to see anything! TRAVIS: The two of us are going. LIAM: Go to the base– look, the circle goes inside the larger circle. SAM: What is the “a e” that’s one letter? TRAVIS: I lean over to Beau and I say: I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but when you compliment people it sounds like a fucking insult. Is that intentional? MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: It was just an observation. Like commenting on the office window? You’ve gotta put more smile– MARISHA: Oh, but that was badass! She had a cool fucking office, I guess. TRAVIS: It didn’t quite sound that way. MARISHA: Oh, no? TRAVIS: Yeah. Just something to put in your hat. LIAM: You know, maybe we pick this up later. MARISHA: Can I try it with you? TRAVIS: Yeah, go for it. SAM: I’ve just mastered the 'f’ that looks like an ’s’! MARISHA: You’re really attractive. TRAVIS: Yeah, so let’s start with maybe a little smile on the face. That’s always a good starting point. Try again. MARISHA: You’re really attractive. TRAVIS: Oh man, you look constipated. MARISHA: Is that worse somehow? TRAVIS: You ever winked at anybody? MARISHA: You’re really attractive. TRAVIS: We’ll keep workshopping it. MARISHA: No? That still wasn’t it? Fuck. Thank you. At least thanks for telling me. Most people would just be like, “You’re a bitch,” and then would leave. TRAVIS: I’ve been around you long enough that I can tell you were actually trying to be nice. MARISHA: Thanks, man. I think you’re real nice, too. Genuine! I was being genuine! MATT: The two of you have wrapped up for the time being. LAURA: I just wanted to borrow some parchment. Do you have any extra pieces of paper, though? LIAM: How much do you need? For what? LAURA: I don’t know. Like 20 pieces. SAM: Do you need to write a long letter? LAURA: A really long one. LIAM: I’ll give you two. LAURA: I can make do with that, yes. Thank you. LIAM: I hand them over. TALIESIN: I need to know what your cat’s seeing. What’s the cat seeing? LIAM: Hold on. SAM: Okay. I’ve got you. LAURA: I’ve got you, too. MATT: The cat, who’s been following Fjord and Beauregard, you guys have been having this conversation as you follow down to the cellar. As you descend down the cellar stairs, you can hear conversation and a few voices passing. They all get quiet. As you step and descend past where the ceiling of the basement reveals you, the group of 20 folks are all gathered around with a central podium on an elevated step or a box. They’re all looking at you, quiet. The one who’s standing on the box is a human man probably in his early 60s or so. Shorter hair, graying but a little unkempt in the face. He’s got smaller spectacles at the edge of his nose and unshaved stubble against his chin, but he’s dressed in a nice, white shirt, tucked in well, and looks thin and well-mannered. He puts his hand up and goes, “Hey there. Can we help you?” LIAM: There’s a bunch of people staring at Fjord and Beauregard. Why are we doing this? TALIESIN: Oh, for fuck’s sake. TRAVIS: Apologies. We don’t mean to intrude. We’re new to this city. We just heard that some higher thinkers were going to be meeting down here. We hoped we might be able to join you. MARISHA: Just looking for good conversation. TALIESIN: They’re making asses of themselves, aren’t they? MATT: Everyone looks at each other. There’s an ornery dwarf fella who looks over to the guy in the top and shakes his head. The half-elven girl who was gathering the group gives a nudge toward you with a smile and says, “We can at least ask.” He goes, “All right, well, step on up.” The crowd separates a little bit as you guys approach. “I’m curious. Share with me briefly the joys the Empire "has brought to your life.” LIAM: I think it’s like Alcoholics Anonymous or something. MATT: “Be honest.” TRAVIS: I’m afraid my list is not that long, unfortunately. MARISHA: We’re a bit skeptical. We’re looking for support, just like any other wayward souls in this crazy town. TRAVIS: We seek knowledge. MARISHA: We want to be able to trust our Empire, but maybe we need some reassurance in one way or another. MATT: Make a persuasion check with advantage with his help. MARISHA: Persuasion with advantage? That’s good! I got a natural 18 with a plus one, so 19. Just being real vague. MATT: “You seem to be on the level. We are a group called the Knights of Requital, and we are "discussing methods of changing the current political unhappiness in the city of Zadash and beyond.” MARISHA: See, we’re not the only ones. We felt like something’s been missing. TRAVIS: Tearing at our heart. It’s an ache. MATT: “Very well. I will continue with my talk, if you don’t mind.” TRAVIS and MARISHA: Please, yes. TRAVIS: Preach on. LIAM: Does that name mean anything to Caleb? MATT: No. Looking around the room, most of the folks in here look to be salt-of-the-earth folk of the city. A few folks look to be a little more wealthy, lower-to-middle class if you were to give any sort of comparison there, and they all look like they’re a bit riled up. The dwarf, who had eyed you up previously, his eyes have these heavy bags under them, he’s got this scraggly unkempt brown beard, and very short, almost buzz-cut hair on top. He’s glaring at the two of you. He steps away from the crowd and keeps a very close eye. The gentleman at the top, “First off, to our new "conversationalists, I am Dolan Thrym. As many of you know her, I once ran a very successful physician "practice here in the Interstead Sprawl, one that my partner was the head physician. Well, he was "unfortunately brought to an unearned level of shame, and his practice ruined, as well as our "industry, by the house of Sutan naught but a year ago. We went from a comfortable living helping people "to a life of squalor and shame. I know we’re not the only one, as now the son of the house of "Sutan, Ren, sits at the top of that practice. Took all of our clients and squeezes them for all of "their worth. And I, for one, am sick of it”. Everybody else in the group goes (grunt). MARISHA: (grunts) MATT: “I’m sick of it and we can’t sit back and let nothing be done about it. Now, would you like "to take the floor, Ulog?” The dwarf who was watching you guys takes his– doesn’t leave you for a moment before he steps over and the crowd separates and he steps up onto the small block which at his height puts him about head level with most of the crowd. “As many of you know, I was a woodworker for many years, carving wood, did good carpentry. My wife, Illiana, is a good wife. About six months ago, she was up late at night picking up food for the night for the two of us in the Pentamarket. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. There were some street bandits outside the Tri-Spires. They stabbed someone who had run in, ran clean into my wife, just as the Crownsguard descended. She got looped in with them, thrown in jail. I went and fought. There wasn’t even a bit of a trial. The High-Rictor sent her straight to the Umber Dungeon, sentenced her 20 years for this business. It’s been six months now, I can’t even see her. I’m sick of it, and I think it’s time we did something.” Everyone in the crowd goes (grunts). TRAVIS and MARISHA: (grunt) MATT: This continues one after another, individuals start coming up and talking about resharing stories for the newcomers. Things that have come up recently that frustrate them. They begin throwing things around like instability within the Starosta’s capable hands to maintain a political structure in a city this large. They begin to talk on anger and frustration with the lack of proper education for the masses, keeping them unable to climb status and eke out of living and thus are forced into the military to die out on the fields of Xhorhas. There have been discussions about frustration dealing with the ever creeping power scale of what’s called the Cerberus Assembly and influence that stretches from Rexxentrum into the city itself. Eventually, it begins to rise into many voices clamoring out in frustration and once again, Dolan, the softer gentleman at the beginning puts his hands up and steps back and goes: “I know, I know. I know. But we’re going to find a way. I have friends that I’ve made, people that we’re talking to and we have, hopefully, a new beginning soon, an opportunity where I think we can have a voice in the politics here. I hope to have more for you soon, in the meantime, try and keep your chin up. I know it’s hard now, but I believe we’ll have an opportunity soon. Thank you. Thank you to Kara, who has been helping set these meetings up.” Points over to the younger half-elf earlier and she nods and a few hands clap. “And to our new members– I’m sorry, I didn’t get your names.” MARISHA: Beau. TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: “Beau and Fjord, thank you for joining us tonight. It goes without saying, please, if you don’t mind, we prefer to keep these conversations personal. For obvious reasons.” MARISHA: Absolutely. MATT: “If even the most misunderstood discontent leads to unfortunate circumstances.” TRAVIS: We understand. Thank you for sharing with us. MARISHA: I know I, for one, have had my discontent with the Empire, so it’s good to hear we’re not alone. MATT: “Of course. That’s requital. I appreciate your time. Rest well, we’ll meet soon. Dismissed!” Everyone begins to scatter and make their way back up to the tavern. TRAVIS: We stay down. MARISHA: Yeah. I’m going to wait behind. Wait to talk to Dolan? TRAVIS: Yeah. Really appreciate what you said. MARISHA: Yeah, thank you. So much. MATT: “Yeah, of course. I understand that you aren’t from around here, so don’t feel that you have to take too much of this to heart. Best we can do to try and keep spirits up. I believe that we can find a way to exact some change real soon.” TRAVIS: It struck a chord. It mirrors a lot of what we’ve seen since we’ve been here. Do you meet very often? I’d love to come back. MATT: “Well, we’re scheduled to meet here in the next two days or so. We’re gearing up for a couple of important events.” MARISHA: How often are the meetings that heated? That seemed pretty intense. TRAVIS: Yeah, personal. Emotional. MATT: “It can vary. Anyway, I’m sorry. I really should be going.” MARISHA: Where abouts in town do you live? MATT: “Oh, I live outside of the Apple Tree Tutors.” MARISHA: We’ll probably be staying here the next few days. TRAVIS: Yeah. We’ll check in with– what was her name? MARISHA: It’s Claudia. TRAVIS: Yeah. We’ll check in with Claudia if there’s any other meetings. Again, appreciate you being so open. MATT: “Appreciate you being respectful and close to your chest. Anyway.” He steps past the two of you, puts the rest of his jacket on, and exits. Now it’s just the two of you there in the cellar below. TRAVIS: What’s in the cellar? SAM: You going to rob the place there? TRAVIS: I just want to know. Is it munitions? Is it meat? Is it booze? MARISHA: Wine? Is there good wine? MATT: There are large casks, large wooden barrels and casks. This is where major ale storage is set, but none of them are tapped. It looks to be full of crates that are still sealed; unopened. MARISHA: Any good wines? That I would recognize? MATT: None of the wines are kept in this cellar. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: By the size of the place, you get the sense there’s probably more than one storage place here. LIAM: When you scroll your cursor over it, though, the descriptions are all in red. MARISHA: Sure. Can’t access that. TRAVIS: Talk about an underbelly. That was more than I was expecting. MARISHA: Yeah, and I totally called Claudia on it too, and she didn’t even come forward. I’m like, you’re running some shit! She’s running some shit. TRAVIS: Right upfront. MARISHA: Did you notice he said thanks for keeping things close to your chest? Are we that transparent? TRAVIS: No. I mean, I would say the same thing if I was taking such a chance with people I didn’t know, right? I think he’s just trying to invest in us a little. MARISHA: Right. TRAVIS: Seemed nice. LIAM: I tell Frumpkin to yowl between their legs. MATT: (meowing) MARISHA: (yells) TRAVIS: (suppressing a sneeze) MARISHA: I give Frumpkin the finger, hoping Caleb will see. LIAM: I don’t see it. I’m not looking through it. MARISHA: Now I’m just flicking off a cat. TALIESIN: You gave us the basics, though? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Let’s go back up. Fuck it. LAURA: I was spending my time cutting the parchment up into even, little rectangles so I could make them into multiple pieces of paper. MATT: Easy enough to do. MARISHA: We go back. MATT: As you guys head up into the tavern to meet up with the rest of your troop, you see they’re all sitting around, handling their other business. What are you guys up to? TALIESIN: We were listening to the description of this insanity. LIAM: I bamfed out of that probably two minutes before it finished, so I didn’t get the tail end, but I got the meat. MATT: You got the meat of it. You watched the people that were in the meeting leave in small groups. They’re pacing their exits. TRAVIS: Jester, don’t believe what you hear. It was a huge orgy. Just naked parts everywhere. LAURA: I figured it was and Caleb was lying to us the whole time. TRAVIS: I know. Maple syrup. They had little Tic Tacs and all sorts of chocolate chips. Lollipops galore. LAURA: Usually, in orgies like that, they don’t let you stay unless (tongue clicking). You’re part of it. LIAM: He’s not sticky with maple syrup. He’s lying. TRAVIS: Tongue bath. LAURA: Eww. Nice. SAM: I think what we should do is take the names and descriptions of all of those people and turn them in to the authorities for 50 gold a person. We could make so much money and be heroes in this town as well! Just like we were in the last! LIAM: Maybe not that, but quite frankly, those people are reckless, telling you what they told you. TRAVIS: Yeah, it is. The only problem with that would be we were in that meeting at well. SAM: As spies! TALIESIN: Except that they told them their real names. And where they’re staying. LIAM: The authorities don’t delineate between the real McCoy and the passersby. Just like that man’s story. The dwarf. TALIESIN: Groups of people are always idiots. Never trust a group of people. I specifically used to gather people into groups to make them into idiots. It’s just what you do. You don’t– LAURA: So you did that to us! TALIESIN: That is exactly what I did! It’s how I met you. It’s why I keep you around. MARISHA: You also traveled with a group of people. TALIESIN: Yes, but we weren’t a group of people. We all hated each other. TRAVIS: It’s a smaller group. LAURA: It’s a pretty big group. There’s nine of us. MARISHA: Do you notice how often his logic falls apart? TALIESIN: You just told them your real name! MARISHA: No. I told them I’m Beau. SAM: You left out the -regard part! And you mispronounced your name “Ford” when we all know it’s Fjord! TRAVIS: That’s right. Yeah. SAM: Clever! MARISHA: Yeah. there’s a lot of people named Beau. Right? LAURA: Are there? I’ve only met one other person named Beau. TALIESIN: I’ve literally only met one other person named Beau. TRAVIS: It’s a good nickname. Beau. Beauregard. LAURA: I think his name was not the same Beau as your Beau. TALIESIN: It was a different Beau. LAURA: It was a different Beau. I’m going to start folding my little pieces of paper into little trifolds. MATT: All righty. What else are you guys doing? TRAVIS: I think we’re probably good to retire. LIAM: I’m going to turn in. I have a little bit more homework to do before the end of the night. Good night. Thank you. Good night. TALIESIN: I’m eventually falling asleep, but before that, I’m going to go take a fucking bath. There is a bathhouse. I’m going there. Anyone who wants to come with me is welcome to do so. LAURA: Aww, I want a bath so bad, but it’s so late, Molly! TALIESIN: It’s just a walk! LAURA: Is it even going to be open at night? TALIESIN: Is it going to be open at night? MATT: You can go and try and find out. TALIESIN: I’m going to go and try and find out. I’m going to and try and find out! LAURA: Okay. I have important work to do. SAM: I’ll accompany you, just to make sure you don’t get killed. LAURA: I’ll come with you too because I really want a bath. MARISHA: I guess I stay behind with Fjord. We talk about the crazy shit we just heard. TRAVIS: Yeah, because we’re fucking spies! MARISHA: Fuck yeah, man! We’ll break the system! Put it in the ground! LAURA: It’s folded like this. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Fuck the man! MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: I’m just happy with my company. MATT: Right. Now, the two of you make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Three. MATT: That’s right. She’s coming as well. LAURA: Oh, that’s really bad. It’s because I’m folding paper. SAM: 17. I’m specifically looking for stores. TALIESIN: 15. LAURA: Four! MATT: You do manage to discover the location of The Steam’s Respite, but it is closed for the night. It is too late for its functionality. LAURA: Damn it! SAM: On the way, do we pass Packwearer’s Provisions or any of the other fine establishments you’ve told us about? MATT: If you wander through the Pentamarket, which you can go roundabout to do that. TALIESIN: That’s not on the way, then. SAM: No. Just on the way. MATT: On the way from where you are exiting there, none of those, no. The Pentamarket is pretty much this cluster at the center of– SAM: Any shops at all, or is it just–? MATT: You would’ve come across more small food establishments like small dumpling establishments. Nothing too crazy. It looks like most of the stores that are on the outskirts would be simple glassware, the occasional basic blacksmiths for putting horseshoes on and the construction of that, simple armor repairs for whoever needs it. SAM: Nothing fun. MATT: Nothing crazy. Most of the good stuff is in the vicinity you’ve already been. TALIESIN: You know, Nott, I notice. I notice the way that you eye things, on occasion. SAM: I’m not stealing anything right now! TALIESIN: Not right now and that’s fine. And I would hate to get in the way of any of your business. Your business is your business and I’m perfectly fine with that. But it’s good to remember that there are people who need what they have. There are people who need every bit of what they have. And there are people who would be much happier if they had a little less. SAM: How do I know which is which? TALIESIN: Well that’s a skill worth developing. That’s a skill very much worth developing. LAURA: If the people look like you and Caleb, they probably need it. TALIESIN: If they seem grumpy, or angry, and seem overly concerned with an enormous amount of money that they happen to have, or using it to just be mean or cruel to somebody, that’s probably a sign that they’d just be much happier if they just knew exactly who liked them and the only way you could ever really know if someone likes you is if you don’t have anything over them. And the easiest way to get to that honesty is if you don’t have anything. SAM: So you’re saying steal from grumpy people? TALIESIN: Oh yes. LAURA: Shitty people specifically. TALIESIN: Unless they’re grumpy because they don’t have enough. Because if you’re hungry, you get very angry. LAURA: I do, I do get really mad. TALIESIN: You get so angry when you’re hungry! LAURA: I know. SAM: Which kind of grumpy is Beau? TALIESIN: Beau has way too much. So you should probably take some stuff from Beau. That’s fair. (laughter) Beau really needs to know who likes her. TRAVIS: Beau knows grumpy. (laughter) LAURA: Oh no! It makes sense when you’re in that shirt. MATT: It makes sense when you’re over 30. (laughter) TRAVIS: Passive sports marketing campaign: check! MATT: All right. So you guys find your way back. What about the rest of you guys, anything? LIAM: I am just finishing up the spell Unseen Servant before I go to bed so that I will know it in the morning. MATT: Easily enough. You have it copied over without issue. LIAM: Yes. Yes! TALIESIN: I’m so excited about a long rest. LAURA: Before I go to sleep, I’m going to use my little folded papers and make little pamphlets to the Traveler. So it’s going to be like, “Have you heard of our lord and savior, the Traveler?” TALIESIN: You’re going to get us killed! LAURA: He sure is the coolest, everyone should worship him, he’s the best guy around. TALIESIN: You’re making Tijuana bibles. You’re making Tijuana bibles for your religion. Is there going to be nudity and sex in these? Because then it’s basically a Tijuana bible. Don’t Google Tijuana bible. LAURA: They’re like this little, because I had to make them out of only two sheets of– MATT: How many did you make? LAURA: Well, however many I could make out of two sheets of parchment, so probably like eight or maybe ten. MATT: We’ll say ten and a few that didn’t quite– you got halfway through and like (frustrated noise) tore it up. Okay cool. So the rest of you guys, are you all resting for the evening? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right. Night rest comes without issue. You awake in the morning to the sound of an already muttering tavern floor below you. The smell of food and whatever dried ale has been spilled into the room that you’re currently sleeping in. But the day is yours, the morning has arrived, you are welcome to do what you wish. TRAVIS: Molly, do you need to pray over your swords? I don’t know how often– TALIESIN: Oh, I did it before you woke up. TRAVIS: Oh. Well next time, could you include me in it? I don’t know if maybe it would help me with my skills. TALIESIN: Sure. Happily. TRAVIS: I appreciate that. TALIESIN: That would be no problem. MARISHA: Morning, Jester. LAURA: Beau! You know what we need to do today? MARISHA: What? LAURA: We need to go to the pillow place and go get some money from my mom! MARISHA: Your– okay, yeah. LIAM: How do you get money from your mom? LAURA: You’re not with us in our room right now! LIAM: Oh, you didn’t come downstairs? Okay. MARISHA: Are you– TRAVIS: Peeping tom! LAURA: How does he do that? MARISHA: How do you know? How do you know that it’s going to be there? LAURA: Because I asked her for it. MARISHA: Okay, but asking isn’t the same as confirmation of receiving. LAURA: Yes, but it’s my mom and of course she’s going to send me money! You’re crazy. MARISHA: Yeah. Totally. Let’s go. I’ll go with you. LAURA: It’s called the Pillow Trove. We need to go there. But we need to look very pretty, so before that, I’m going to see if Molly wants to go get a bath. MARISHA: Okay. We have to look pretty? LAURA: Yes, we have to be fancy for that place. MARISHA: Okay. Yeah. LAURA: We also need to go to the blacksmith, you guys! As I’m coming down the stairs. We have so many things to sell. MARISHA: We do. TALIESIN: Blacksmith’s is filthy; we’ll go there first. LAURA: Good call. SAM: All right. MARISHA: We stumble downstairs. MATT: You get your food, your breakfast set. Let’s see here. We’ll say for the two meals and the drinks, and the three rooms overnight. If you want to keep track of the tab. Though you haven’t paid it yet, necessarily, if you’re staying for a while. MARISHA: Under the Nein? MATT: Put you at– LAURA: Plus, we’re good friends of Claudia’s! TRAVIS: He’s the DM. MATT: I’ll put you at, at the three rooms, food and drink, at about six gold so far. TRAVIS: Okay, gotcha. Six gold. MATT: This isn’t the nicer part of town. TRAVIS: So far. One gold each. MATT: All right. So. LIAM: Is Claudia down in this room at the moment? MATT: At the moment, no. Looks like it is your dragonborn friend and there’s maybe six people in the room. TRAVIS: How did your homework go last night? LIAM: Very well. I am a step ahead of where I was yesterday. TRAVIS: Hey, that’s great! Nicely done. LIAM: (lip smacking) I walk over to this dragonborn. Good morning to you. MATT: “Right, good morning.” LIAM: Sorry, I know you are busy preparing for the day. MATT: “That’s all right.” LIAM: I hear there is a rather large library here in this city. This is correct, ja? MATT: “There’s probably a few places with libraries. There’s the Archive–” LIAM: That’s the biggest one. The main one. MATT: “Yeah. There’s also the Hall of Erudition. I’m pretty sure they got libraries as well.” LIAM: The Hall of Erudition? MATT: “Yeah, it’s where the Soltryce Academy’s…academy…is here.” LIAM: Oh good. Okay. The first place, though, could you point me in the direction of it from here? MATT: “Right, that would be, let’s see, right around– Hmm.” (singsong) Let me make sure I get this correct for internal consistency. Ah, that would be in the Interstead Sprawl. If you consider the city’s triangular shape, there’s the pentagram market off-center and a little bit to the west of it, and then there’s the East and West Outersteads, which are the outside cusp and the slums and the outside of the main wall; there’s the Tri-Spire, which is up north; then there’s a section, a quadrant over here, it’s a military section in this weird ring that surrounds and bisects them all around the Pentamarket. That’s the Interstead Sprawl. TRAVIS: That’s the garrison area? MATT: Yeah. Well, no, that’s the more middle-class, central connecting part that holds the rest of the city together. TRAVIS: Gotcha. Garrison’s more east, you said. LIAM: Library is there? MATT: The library is there. LIAM: And it’s to the east, you were saying? MATT: From where you are now, you guys are in the Eastern Outersteads, it would be west. And he goes, “Actually (ugh), hold on just a second, I’ll get to your meal. Follow me.” He comes out from behind the bar and slaps it up, and puts an arm around your shoulder and leads you right immediately outside to the front of the tavern, pushing you along. LIAM: Ja, okay, I shrink inward. MATT: He goes, “You look over that rooftop there, and you can see that– ” and you see this slowly tapering tower that then curves off at the very top to be a very dome-like pinnacle. The stonework itself appears to be like a smooth concrete looking texture just from this distance, and the way the morning sun is hitting it, half of it is just bright and reflective and really intricate carving and various tiers along the towers. He goes, “That there’s the Archive. That’s what you’re looking for. So just look at that tower and keep going.” LIAM: Thank you. MATT: “No worries.” LIAM: Also, asking the DM, not this dragonborn, but you had mentioned the Chastity’s Nook. Caleb would remember if you said what area it’s in? MATT: Tri-Spires. LIAM: Tri-Spires. Thank you. Got it. MARISHA: Get that smut, boy, get that smut. LIAM: Sure, sure. TRAVIS: Did you say, “Get that smut?” MARISHA: Mm-hmm. LIAM: Was there any question? TRAVIS: Just making sure. LIAM: Okay. All right. Thank you very much. You’re very helpful. MATT: “No worries.” He runs back and quickly gets beneath– there are now two people waiting for him to get back, and he gets back to pouring drinks and getting food orders situated. TRAVIS: So we’re going to the blacksmith. Then we’re getting Molly a bath. LAURA: And me and me and me. TRAVIS: And you. And then are we looking for job postings? Like, maybe some work? TALIESIN: You’re welcome to take a look at the job postings if you don’t want to take a bath, but I’d highly recommend a bath. Baths are great. LAURA: They really are. TRAVIS: Is it like a fancy thing? TALIESIN: Yes. Very fancy. TRAVIS: Is it expensive? TALIESIN: That entirely depends what you think it’s worth. TRAVIS: Are you doing this? MARISHA: Blacksmith first and we’ll see, how about that? TRAVIS: Yeah, fair enough. LAURA: Because we might make so much money from the blacksmith. TRAVIS: That is true. LIAM: Nott! What do you want to do today? SAM: I want to steal something. I have the itch. It’s back. TRAVIS: The syphilis itch? LIAM: All right. SAM: Extreme syphilis! MARISHA: We met an ex-physician. Just…never mind. Never mind. TRAVIS: Yeah, yeah, he could check you out. Give your crotch the old once over. SAM: A former doctor?! Sign me up! (laughter) TALIESIN: Wow. LIAM: You know, I’m sure we can facilitate that. Let’s maybe manage our expectations, not go for the plumpest plum on the bush. SAM: Don’t worry, I’m only going for grumpy people today. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Amazing! TALIESIN: I’m so excited! LIAM: This was an idea you had? SAM: It was given to me by a wise weirdo. LIAM: Right. I’m not going to question it. TALIESIN: It’s not the first time I’ve been called– actually, no, it’s not the first time I’ve been called that, that’s fair. It’s not Molly, this is me. LIAM: Okay, thank you, okay. MATT: As you guys are making your way through the East Outersteads towards the Pentamarket, you said you’re going to the blacksmith? MARISHA: Yeah. To… the… Spark Hammer Smithing! (laughter) MARISHA: That worked real well! MATT: Yeah, it did. LIAM: She is the grumpy one! Pencil in the DM’s neck! MATT: As you’re making your way there, one thing that you do– you hear a voice that’s loudly talking that crosses you guys as you’re walking down the street. You can see a younger man in his early 20s or so; he has really thin, blondish hair, and he’s wearing a tabard that is the same colors as the Crownsguard, but other than that, normal clothing. LAURA: What’s a tabard? MATT: A tabard is a piece of cloth that goes over the front and back– LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: Like when you see like knights– LIAM: It’s like Medieval Times. MARISHA: Yeah. “I’m going for the green knight!” That. MATT: He’s shouting out– you get very quick instance: he’s a town crier. As you come into Zadash, you can see this is probably how a lot of news is disseminated amongst the populace here. MARISHA: Ooh, what’s he saying? MATT: What you hear approaching is, (shouting) “– a crownsguard and the King’s grace! Attack on Alfield is ended! Terrible fiends responsible put to the sword by a crownsguard and the King’s grace!” SAM: Hey! We did that! That was us! MATT: “The attack on Alf–” He repeats it as he continues down the street. LAURA: Aw, man! SAM: They stole our thunder! TALIESIN: But not our gold. SAM and LAURA: That’s true. TALIESIN: Thank you. TRAVIS: Although, I mean, credit would help our, you know, reputation. LAURA: Yeah! We could be famous! TALIESIN: Why would you want to be famous? MARISHA: What do you expect from the Crownsguard, though? LAURA: Have you ever been famous? TALIESIN: No, I have no interest in becoming it, thank you very much. LAURA: You have no idea the kind of stuff that is given to you when you’re famous. TALIESIN: I have most everything I need already. Why would I need more stuff? TRAVIS: Jester, any interest in chasing down that guy and seeing where the news is gathered? Maybe they could print a retraction. LAURA: Want me to go tell him he’s got it wrong? TRAVIS: Or where it comes from? LAURA: Okay I chase after him. TALIESIN: No! MARISHA: He’s going to think you’re crazy! LIAM: Also, I’m sorry, some of you wish to be in the spotlight with the things that we do? LAURA: I chased after him already. MATT: Okay. He’s moved onto– it looks like he’s cycling through different pieces of news, and as you approach, he’s shouting, “Families missing in Nogvurot! Crick kidnappers steal them away in the night! Lock and seal your windows and doors while you slumber! The attack on Alfield has ended! Terrible–” and you approach him at that point. LAURA: Excuse me, town crier man? MATT: “Yeah?” LAURA: Where does your news come from? MATT: “From my boss.” LAURA: Where is your boss located? MATT: “It’s the King’s Hall.” LAURA: Because your boss at the King’s Hall has some of his news– his news is wrong. Did you know that the attack on Alfield was defeated by a group called the Mighty Nein? They’re this really amazing band of heroes– MATT: “I was not aware. I did not know.” LAURA: Yes– MATT: “That’s really interesting.” LAURA: Yes, it is, it’s really cool. Because we were there and we saw it happen and it was really cool and you should probably get your news right– MATT: “That sounds amazing. You should go tell that to the Herald of the Hall. He’s probably the one who would care the most.” LAURA: Okay, because by the time, though, that we get there, and then it gets back to you, you’ve probably been around town so much, and then you’ll have to retract your article, and that would be really weird. MATT: (shouting) “The attack on Alfield–” and he quickly gets away from you, repeating the process over and over again. LIAM: Also, Fjord walks right up behind Jester and says: (deeper voice) Come on, we need to get back with the others. Okay? This is not a good idea to put yourself out in the open, let’s go. LAURA: Fjord? LIAM: (deeper voice) Yes, it’s me, I’m Fjord. Come on. LAURA: What is this? Is this a new accent you’re trying out? LIAM: There was a cough drop stuck in the side of my mouth. MARISHA: Like Arnold Schwarzenegger. LAURA: Fjord, you almost sound like Caleb. LIAM: This is deep Texan, I don’t know– LAURA: Are you planning on sounding like Caleb now? LIAM: Listen, accents are not my strong suit. Would you please just stop talking to the town crier? Thank you. I’m trying to drag her back. LAURA: What are you talking about? Accents are your strong suit. You’re really good at it, Fjord! TRAVIS: You look like me? MATT: You trying to drag her along? LIAM: Yeah, back towards the group. MATT: Do you let him drag you? LAURA: Yeah. Wait, can I tell it’s not actually him? LIAM: Probably. LAURA: Can I tell it’s not Fjord? LIAM: It sounds about as good as I just did. Caleb’s not good at accents. TRAVIS: But Fjord does accents. LAURA: That’s the thing. Can I tell from the physicality? Because you do accents. MATT: That’s interesting. LIAM: I am Fjord Tough, let’s go. LAURA: Fjord, you seem even weaker than you were before, pulling me along. This is weird. LIAM: But I don’t smell bad. Now come on, let’s go to the rest of the group. LAURA: (gasps) Caleb? Is it really you? LIAM: I pull her by the earlobe. Can we please go back to the rest? LAURA: Okay, just let go of my ear now, okay. LIAM: I’m sorry. Is this what we are going to be about? Huge credit, and get ourselves to be part of the news? LAURA: Hey man, I was just doing what Fjord told me to, okay? So don’t you give me shit! LIAM: I am not giving you shit, I am putting a subject on the table for the group. I need to make an informed decision about what Nott and I are doing. TALIESIN: I prefer to keep it on the down-low, personally. TRAVIS: Yeah, of course. Not to alarm you, I only meant that if we are going to be paid for our escapades, a reputation, anonymously, might help, if we belong to that name. MARISHA: You want an anonymous reputation? LAURA: Oh my gosh! This is perfect! Because if we’re called the Mighty Nein, people will expect it to be a different group of people. SAM: Because we’re just six? LAURA: Yeah. That’s actually brilliant. SAM: We’re disguised! We’re hiding in plain sight! MATT: As you say that, across the way, you can see there’s one crotchety-looking dude with one eye who’s like– TALIESIN: I’m going to look right back at him. MATT: Averts his gaze and keeps on walking. TALIESIN: Do I have something in my teeth? MARISHA: Plus, what makes you assume we’re about anything right now? I don’t think we’ve made any decisions. I thought we were just having fun, right? Making good money? TALIESIN: I’m here for making money. MARISHA: Are we about anything? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA. Yeah. Do you want to be about something? LIAM: I don’t want to be about making a stink everywhere we go. TALIESIN: This is what happens after you go to meetings, is suddenly you want to be about something. Be careful. TRAVIS: That’s not true. Caleb, I’m sorry. MARISHA: I didn’t say it, he did! TRAVIS: If we put you at unease, that was not our intention. LIAM: It’s not just me. You are vomiting salt water, and you are getting into fistfights with people, I don’t know what you’re doing. And you– Look at you. MARISHA: Wait, wait, wait. TRAVIS: “Look at you” is always the worst. Look at you! TALIESIN: I’m well aware. This is entirely for the sake of my mirror. I’m very well aware. MARISHA: We’re the ones that you don’t know? What’s going on with– You two take off every day! The two of you! Maybe you would know what we’re up to if you went along with the group once! LIAM: Go along with the group? LAURA: He always knows what we’re up to because he has his cat follow us. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah, super personable. LIAM: I have fought a giant toad creature with you. I have fought a big lion thing with a woman’s face. TALIESIN: I propose a plan. LAURA: You killed its baby! SAM: I did. I feel very bad about that. TALIESIN: I have a plan for this. I have a plan, we’re going to take our scrap and we’re going to sell it, so that we have some money. We’re going to take the good feelings from that money and we’re going to spend it on hot water and inappropriate, friendly nudity. LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: And we’re going to have a discussion about what we’re doing, with heat, steam, water and a little bit of cash. MARISHA: Okay, you’re super insistent about this, so I’m going to go with it. TRAVIS: Yeah. I’m down for it, too. MARISHA: Because now I feel like it’s real important to you. TALIESIN: I just find it’s easier to have this conversation when everyone is sitting around naked in hot water. TRAVIS: Molly, I expect you to lead this escapade. Please, lead on. MARISHA: Sherpa us to our first bathhouse experience. TALIESIN: I take five steps and then I go, I don’t know where the blacksmith is. LAURA: I’ll lead the way! TRAVIS: Five steps in a circle. LIAM: As everybody walks, to Beau I say: Listen it’s just about logistics. I mean you are very– TRAVIS: Do you still look like me? LIAM: No, I dropped it. You are in peak physical condition, your guns are amazing. I can’t do what you do. I can’t run into it, of course. I’m 100 yards back, because I’m thin as a wet toilet paper. MARISHA: Thanks man, thanks. LAURA: Thin as a wet toilet paper? MARISHA: I’m sorry, were you trying to tell me about– I’m sorry, what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. LIAM: I’ve got to stop complimenting you, it does not lead to good moments. I walk away. MARISHA: Okay wait! Damn it! First time Liam’s walked away from me in the campaign! MATT: Following Jester, you make your way back to the Pentamarket, to the outside of the Spark Hammer Smithing. What was previously closed the night before, you can now see the open air smithy is lively and banging. You can hear the slamming of hammer on metal and the shower of sparks from the exterior anvil setup. Currently out there is a halfling man with deeply tanned, red skin, short, black hair and very muscular arms, who currently has leather gloves on, leather apron, and is in the process of forging some kind of long metal blade, hammering it out over a heavy anvil on the outside. There is the trough for the quenching of the blade and then in the interior you can see, a few steps away, the orange glow of the rest of the blacksmith interior. There looks to be somebody else on the inside but you don’t get a view of them right now. You can just barely get rows and rows and racks of various pieces of armor and weapons that are currently hanging on display on the inside. There is nobody in the process of walking through at the moment, just in the process of crafting, so you are the only individuals who are holding the space at the moment. So the (metal clanging), turn, (metal clanging). LAURA: I take my pink bag and I put it down on the table in front of him. MATT: (Metal clanging “Hello?” LAURA: Hi! We have things to buy and sell from you. MATT: “Well, I’m all certainly here for that. What you got? What you looking to buy?” LAURA: I pull out– Well it depends, do you have a hand axe that I could buy? MATT: He sets the hammer into the water, the steam rises up, quenches the blade, takes the gloves off and wipes heavy sweat from the brow. “You’re looking for a–?” LAURA: Hand axe! Something that is very sharp and can kill people! MATT: “That I can do.” Turns around to the inside of the building and comes back. He has two hand axes, both look pretty well made, one looks a little more intricate than the other, but both are pretty solid. “So we got these two.” Throws one and catches it, throws the other and catches it. LAURA: Okay, put those on the table and then we will look at some other stuff first. Okay! I have six short swords, and I put them down on the table. I’ve got two daggers here! I’ve got two hand crossbows! Two light crossbows and two heavy crossbows! MATT: You place them all down and looking at the quality and the shininess and the smooth, fresh weaponry that he’s placed on the table and the pockmarked, used, damaged, in some cases gnoll mess covered weaponry, you immediately realize– oh. LAURA: Maybe scrap metal is a good thing for this. MATT: “I say so, these have all seen some use. Not all that great. Sorry.” LAURA: But also! Also, we have some other things! MARISHA: There were then chains, the manacles. Cart, we definitely drug here. Definitely around Fjord’s neck. SAM: We’re selling these things? TRAVIS: Are they in the bag? LAURA: I have them! MARISHA: Oh, were they in the bag? LAURA: We put everything in the bag, then it would be good. MATT: You couldn’t fit the manacles in the bag. The one that was around the neck of the manticore. LAURA: Then we fucking had them around our necks. MATT: Yeah, you had them in the cart. So you bring them along with you. LAURA: We knew we were going to the blacksmith. MATT: “Well these here, these are some nice metal.” LAURA: And they were magic! MATT: “They were magic.” MARISHA: I show him the rune. LAURA: They had to be real good metal to be magic! MATT: “Let me have a look at that.” He takes them, pulls on the chains, drags for a minute and he inspects them over. “This some real nice craftsmanship, you don’t see something this well made. So where did you get this?” LAURA: This giant lion thing with a woman’s head had them around it and then we killed the lion thing. SAM: We found it. MATT: Did you guys bring the cart with you? TALIESIN: Well, if we got there then yeah, probably. MATT: He glances past you. Well, the manticore head is still affixed to the cart, by the way. The halfling looks past and he goes, “I’ll take it you mean that thing. It’s quite scary, well done. Ah, looking at all the weapons. The wood’s mostly rotted, unfortunately. Some of the metal can be melted down and reused, have to hammer out all of the imperfections, smelt it all. The manacles look very nice. Tell you what. Give me the lot and the manacles, I’ll give you both these axes and be in excess of about 20 gold pieces.” LAURA: Do we want both of the axes or just the one? SAM: Why do we need any axes? LAURA: I need another weapon. Just one of the axes is all I need. I don’t need both. MATT: “Put that at about 25 gold then, and the one axe.” LAURA: Sound good for you guys? TALIESIN: Works for me. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: I like it. I think that is a very good deal. What’s your name, sir? MATT: “Sorry about that. Yannick. Yannick Dumel. LAURA: Yannick. I’m Jester. It’s nice to meet you. MATT: "Nice to meet you as well, Jester. Inside there is Jan. She helps run the place. Fantastic. I’ll go get your gold for you.” SAM: Do you sell flasks? MATT: “I do not work in smaller bits of metal, unfortunately. More the hefty kind. My apologies. If you’re looking for flasks–” Takes a moment and thinks of something. “There’s Wares & Ends. They’ve probably got something there for you. There’s Packwearer’s Provisions, they probably got flasks around there. Well, they probably have some at the Lodge of the Eclipse, that’s possible.” TRAVIS: Lodge of the Eclipse? MATT: “Right, right. That’s the more hoity-toity night time tavern here in the Pentamarket.” TALIESIN: Why is it called Lodge of the Eclipse? MATT: “Because at nighttime they has the great shows on stage.” MARISHA: You know anyone that might want a scary lion head thing to decorate their walls? LAURA: Specifically one that’s melting. TALIESIN: Is there is a taxidermist, is what I think she’s asking. MATT: “I don’t know about a taxidermist, unfortunately. I’m pretty sure if you ask around you can find someone willing to pay for that. I probably ask the Hall of Erudition, they deal in weird things and strange beasties. Sorry about that.” MARISHA: What did you say the fancy tavern was? MATT: “Lodge of the Eclipse.” MARISHA: Lodge of the Eclipse. LIAM: We might be able to take it to a school or a medical facility to sell. Studies. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: I’m good. SAM: Let’s go. MATT: All right. You guys head on towards where now? LAURA: The bath! LIAM: We’re in the pentagram, penta– MATT: Pentamarket. LIAM: So we’re close to the library? I thought it was in that area. MATT: No, the library is– the Archive you’re talking about. It’s in the western side of the Pentamarket. LIAM: Okay, so we’re closer now then we were. I don’t see the entrance from where we are, or do we? MATT: No, it’s not one of the tallest towers in the city. In fact, the Tri-Spires, as it’s called, has three massive towers of all different designs that lord over the rest of the city. They’re the first things you saw when you crested the hill on the way into the city the night before. This one is still visible from your perspective, though. It’s a little more squat and maybe four or five stories tall. LIAM: The whole kit and caboodle is visible from here? MATT: Well, you can see where the Archive is but it’s maybe another ten minute walk to get there. LIAM: Okay. Does anyone mind if we swing by and just take a look at the Archive? Not go in, you know, we have other things we’re going to do, but just to take a look. TRAVIS: At the outside? MARISHA: It’s a bit of a tourist trap, but sure. LIAM: You have seen it before? MARISHA: Yeah, I lived here for like a short time, passed through. LIAM: Okay, how long did you do that? MARISHA: A few months. LIAM: Okay. Well, I am a tourist. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s pretty. TRAVIS: If it’s on the way sure. LIAM: Okay. TALIESIN: Is the board between here and there? The job board. TRAVIS: Oh, the postings, yeah. What was it? SAM: The King’s Hall. TRAVIS: The King’s Hall. Where the Herald of the Hall is. Where we can get that retraction. MATT: The King’s Hall is actually not that far from the Archive. It would be a brief detour to get there. TALIESIN: We can do a couple to the Archive, couple to the King’s Hall. Just pick it up. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s cool. LIAM: Would you like to show me the Archive? Not the inside, the outside. MARISHA: I think it’s this direction, if I remember. LIAM: Never mind, I don’t want to put you out. Anyone want to go see the Archive? TRAVIS: Enthusiasm, Beau, enthusiasm. MARISHA: Aww, fuck. TRAVIS: Come on, work on what we did, come on. MARISHA: I don’t think Caleb likes me. TRAVIS: Just try, give it a whirl. MARISHA: All right. SAM: It would be great if you could both take me! MARISHA: All right. Hey, Caleb! LIAM: Yeah? MARISHA: Right this way! LAURA: She’s really scary. TRAVIS: (whispering) Yeah! MARISHA: Is that– fuck. Was that all right? Fuck. LIAM: It’s just a volume thing sometimes. Okay let’s go look– MARISHA: (louder) He said enthusiasm! LIAM: Oh jeez! MARISHA: Was that not…? Let’s go this way. TRAVIS: Baby steps. MATT: All right, so where are you heading first? LIAM: The Archive. MATT: The Archive, okay. On the way another town crier crosses by; another individual, same garb, a middle aged woman, hair pulled back into a very tight bun with the tufts of curled hair around the edges. Same tabard in the front and she’s shouting out, “Riot in Rexxentrum squashed for peace! Radical groups brought to justice under the crown!” MARISHA: Ooh! TRAVIS: Oh shit. MARISHA: Ooh, that’s some dirty fucking shit. LAURA: I follow behind her and yell: Town crier has toilet paper stuck to her shoe! (laughter) MATT: In the middle of her next line, “Two weeks to–” LIAM: So you do know what toilet paper is. MATT: “Two weeks’ time to the Harvest Close Festival! Victory Pit in the Pentamarket, entry begins in four days!” LAURA: Wait, what did she just say? MARISHA: Harvest Festival? MATT: Harvest Close Festival. MARISHA: Harvest Close. MATT: Harvest Close. It’s the end of the harvest. MARISHA: It’s in two weeks? MATT: In two weeks. MARISHA: In a fortnight. MATT: In the Victory Pit in the Pentamarket. Entry begins in four days. MARISHA: Victory Pit! LAURA: We need to get a really big piece of vegetable. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah! Big pumpkins. MATT: You eventually find your way to the outside of the Archive. Where you had seen was the tapering tower that had the dome, with the polished sun reflection on one side, the rest of it you can see with the intricate carvings that happen with each bit of the spiral as it continues downward. You can see three specific smaller spires that from this perspective make it look like, I would say, almost like a TIE fighter on its side. It has a series of smaller three spires at the base and a central spire that is the mainstay of the library. You can see there’s a double door at the base and a number of individuals dressed in deep grey robes with blue sashes, very gray and blue color scheme. As you approach, the outside of it you can see folks entering in and out but as they enter and exit the facility they usually enter and exit under the watch and being escorted by one of these individuals that seem to be members of the Archive. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Sure is pretty. LIAM: I would just like to look around. It’s in a square, you say? MATT: It’s built off of one of the main roads that leads in the direction of where the King’s Hall is. So it’s not in a major square area, but it’s off a large road. LIAM: Yeah? Well I am no super spy, but I would like to just look at the area and see what I see in the nature of security, other than these obvious robed figures. MATT: All the windows that exist are at least eight feet off the floor and look to be a very thick stained glass. The only entrances you see are currently guarded by at least two members of the Archive and the dress of them actually is very close to the individual that helped in the trial that you had in Trostenwald who introduced himself as Zeenoth, the one who helped provide information that eventually got you off the hook for that trial. You can now see similarities in the color scheme of their attire and the way that it’s worn. It’s ceremonial. It looks like it comes with a ceremonial robe. They’re all uniform to a certain extent with some being more intricate and longer with more jewelry and they seem to have a little more station. LIAM: And you said everyone going in and out was being escorted by one of these individuals? MATT: Escorted by one of these, yes. LIAM: If I see one or two people going in or out what do they look like? MATT: One of them you see appears to be a woman, very well dressed, looks to be a high collar, a buttoned up blouse of some kind, a dress that just barely cuts off right where her ankles hit the ground with very nice shoes. Looks to be a very well off humanoid woman, a human. SAM: Does she look grumpy? MATT: She looks stoic. Leaves with a very– (laughs) SAM: Is she leaving or coming? MATT: Leaving. SAM: I will follow her. MATT: Okay. The other one looks to be a man probably in his late 30s or so, also human. He has a cluster of small pieces of parchment that are folded and wadded into his arm and he’s leaving like he just was either taking something out or just retrieving something. LIAM: Same fancy type? MATT: Less fancy than her, but still more well off than most of the other individuals that have passed through. LIAM: Fancier than me? MATT: Oh yeah. LIAM: Yeah. Okay. That’s a beautiful building. They’re all wearing the same thing. MARISHA: Mm-hmm. LIAM: You’ve lived here for a few months. What do you know about this place? MARISHA: There’s a lot of books in it and fancy people are super interested in it. LIAM: Obviously I am very interested in learning. Is it easy to gain admittance? Do you know that sort of thing? MARISHA: I’m not entirely sure. LIAM: Oh. MARISHA: I know that they’re super into their knowledge. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: They’re like “Eh, knowledge, means you’re like powerful or something.” LIAM: Yeah, that’s what it means. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: Knowing’s better, yeah, books. LIAM: Well, you’ve really sold me on it, let’s go find the others. MARISHA: Yep. MATT: While that’s happening, you are following this woman down. SAM: I’ll try to stay 25 feet behind her. MATT: Make a stealth check. SAM and LAURA: Ooh. SAM: 13? Oh! 15. MATT: Okay. No one immediately seems to pay mind and she’s currently eyes on the prize, heading in some direction with earnest intent. The escort, of course, that had helped her out of the Archive stays behind and reenters the building, and she continues on her own, but stays mainly on the main streets; doesn’t go and duck into any alleyways very much for her own personal safety during the day and staying out in the open. SAM: Does she have any bag, purse, visible necklace, pockets, anything pickable? MATT: There do appear to be two small pockets in the front waist part of the blouse and a small satchel that’s hanging off the right, over the left shoulder, off the right side of the body. LIAM: Do I have any chance in hell knowing where she went? Because I start looking around immediately. MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Okay, no. That’s a one. MATT: You have no idea. You come back and Nott’s gone. LIAM: (panicked mumbling) MARISHA: She’s an adult goblin woman girl, she’s fine. LIAM: You’re not helping me. Like at all. MARISHA: Okay, I look around. Do I see Nott? Kind of haphazardly. MATT: No. Not at this point. LIAM: We are going to look around now is what we’re doing. MATT: While the rest of you are regathering yourselves together to continue onto the next length of your journey, Nott– SAM: I’m going to cast Mage Hand and try to pick– well, let’s see, can I unbuckle the satchel thing or would it be easier to just get in a pocket? MATT: It’s up to you. SAM: I’ll go in a pocket, I guess. MATT: The front pocket? SAM: You said she had two side pockets, I think? MATT: Yeah, the front of the blouse. LAURA: Front of the blouse. SAM: Front of the blouse or a satchel on her side? MATT: Yeah. SAM: I’ll do the side satchel. MATT: Go ahead and roll sleight of hand, please. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: (laughing) What is it? SAM: 11. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Higher than ten. TRAVIS: Is she still with one of the–? LAURA: No, she’s alone. MATT: As you’re walking and you’re concentrating, you watch as the satchel itself lifts and tugs and just tugs. Her head spins around and looks behind her, looks back. SAM: I press up against the wall. MATT: Glances around confused, eyes one of the small pauper children that’s off to the side, begging on the side of the road– ALL: Oh no. SAM: It was that one. MATT: Scoffs and holds her chin up and then continues walking with a brisker pace. SAM: I follow at a brisker pace. MATT: Make another stealth check, please. SAM: Stealth? 22. LAURA: Ooh, that’s good. TRAVIS: Yeah, killed the baby and false imprisonment for the kids. LIAM: That’s how the empire works. MATT: Okay, brisker pace, but does not seemed to take notice of your tracking. SAM: I’ll get a little closer this time and try for one of the pockets this time. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Oh my god. SAM: Ooh. 12. LIAM: That’s better. MATT: There’s a brief moment where you’ve watched the flap of the blouse open up and expand a bit as the Mage Hand begins to reach in for what is within and then with a slight tug you watch as two of the blouse buttons bounce off and just a bit of the brassiere shows and she closes her shirt real fast and looks about again and turns and what you can see is a man there who’s selling apples on a small cart on the side, is maybe two feet from her and goes “Miss?” With the apple and she smacks him right in the face and he, “What was– what?!” “How dare you.” TRAVIS: Oh shit. MATT: Then holding her shirt closed and bundles up her satchel up in her arms and is now beelining it deeper into the city. TRAVIS: Don’t let her get away with that. SAM: I run up to where that happened and pick up the two buttons. (laughter) MATT: They’re nice buttons. SAM: I come back. I did it! I got these two things. They’re very nice and round and shiny. LIAM: They’re very nice. Where did they come from? SAM: A very grumpy person. She was awful. She scowled at children and slapped an innocent man for no reason. She was evil! LIAM: Insight check. That is a 20. MATT: If you want to insight check her, you’ve got to make a deception check. LIAM: Well, maybe she believes it, I don’t know. SAM: I believe it! She was a horrible person. LIAM: Yeah, okay well. SAM: My itch has been scratched. TALIESIN: I feel good about everything that just happened. LAURA: In the time that Nott was gone could I spot the Allhammer temple? Just so I know where it is? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Or the Platinum House. LAURA: 12. MATT: Unfortunately no, the Platinum House nor the Hearth of the Allhammer were noticed. The Hearth of the Allhammer is in the Pentamarket on the northern side and you guys had cut through to get directly to the vicinity of the bathhouse. In the area you are now in the city, you don’t have any sort of visual on the Platinum House. As you guys have gathered yourselves together and you make your way towards The Steam’s Respite, we’re going to take a break! Because it is nine o'clock. LAURA and MARISHA: Nein. MATT: We’ll be back here in a few minutes, we’ll make this as quick of a break as we can so we can jump back in. In the meantime, guys, sit tight, we’ll see you again in a few minutes. ALL: Yeah! [break] MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back. Thank you for your patience. Once again, you didn’t miss anything. Sorry, we didn’t have a giveaway this week. We hope to have one up and going real soon from our folks at Wyrmwood. In the meantime, hang tight, you didn’t miss anything. MARISHA: You have shit all over your arm! LIAM: Oh, I pooped on myself. MARISHA: Ew, you really are Caleb. What is that? LIAM: That’s not poop, that’s where I’ve had this circle. MARISHA: No, that is– LIAM: That’s Pocky chocolate. MARISHA: I’m going to dad thumb you. LIAM: That’s Pocky chocolate. MARISHA: That’s gross. LIAM: It’s just fecal matter, it’s not like it’s– MATT: Anyway, welcome back, guys. Great to have you. You guys coast alongside the road leading towards the Steam’s Respite. You catch a glance at the King’s Hall. You see a massive structure of bronze and cobalt that is, essentially, the central courthouse of the city. You can see its this massive, tall, single story that stands at least 20 feet high, with long thin windows about every 15 or so feet. The crownsguard presence is pretty thick. You see probably, at first glance, at least ten or so that are watching the front as general sentries. There it is. You do also, at a quick glance, see a ten-foot by five-foot large, heavy piece of wooden board that is standing on its own about four feet from the main entrance to the right. It has a number of pieces of parchment stuck to it. Are you guys continuing on? Head to the bath house? What are you doing? MARISHA: Take a gander? TALIESIN: We’ve got Mr. Memory Board here to scan the thing. LIAM: Yeah, I just take a quick look at it. LAURA: Are there people watching the board right now? MATT: Looks like there’s one person scanning past in the process of reading and looking at things as they go. Looks to be a person in basic leather armors. Probably a sellsword of some kind. LAURA: As soon as he walks away, is there anybody, any guards looking at the board? MATT: Not directly reading it, but there are, right now, four that are within a 15-foot proximity of it. MARISHA: That’s a lot of guards. LAURA: That’s a lot of guards at this one board. MATT: Well, the board’s right at the front what is essentially the courthouse center of the entire city. TRAVIS: Are we all hanging back? I’ll walk up with Caleb. TALIESIN: Works for me. SAM: Is there a place I can duck away for a second, or is there a– MATT: There is away from the building, but there’s nothing– SAM: I walk away from the building, cast Disguise Self on myself and make myself look exactly like Fjord. MATT: Just a shorter version. MARISHA: But tiny? Oh my god. SAM: I’ve never done this before. I’ve only seen people do that, so that’s what I’m going to do. MATT: The height difference you can create with Disguise Self, I believe, is it a foot? SAM: Uh-huh. MATT: Yeah, so you have– SAM: I’m four-foot tall. MATT: You’re a four-foot tall Fjord. TRAVIS: Fjord Junior. MATT: A perfect replica of Fjord on a smaller scale emerges from the shadows and sidles up alongside you, Fjord. MARISHA: It’s a very focused Fjord. TRAVIS: Oh wow. Like a tiny little Fiesta. SAM: Howdy. LIAM: Are you doing a variation of Mother’s Love right now? SAM: Well, I’ve never used this spell before, so I just did what you did. LIAM: That’s good. Mistakes that I have made, learn from them. Keep quiet. TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say the same. SAM: (softer) Howdy. MATT: As you approach the board, which you can see has atop of it pressed into the wood the lettering that say Task Board. The heavy, wooden board looks like in immediate view of it, there are maybe eight pieces of paper that are currently stapled to it with various rusted nails that have been reused, and they have been placed onto it, or have been stuck in and then replaced into it. There’s probably close to 45 or 50 other rusted nails that are stuck there and have been left that have currently holding nothing to it. You do see through a first glance, both of you, as you look past them, a lot of them are looking for general work helping construction, some are looking for people that want to help reinforce buildings that are crumbling, there are some that are looking for folks that can help shoo away parts of the Outersteads that are encroaching upon the farmlands on the outside of the wall. You do see one that says, “Seeking and paying for any information on Myriad activity in the city.” TRAVIS: Oh shit. Cops. SAM: I don’t know what that is. Okay. MATT: There is one that says, “Reward for information on rebel gatherings and anti-Crown rhetoric.” MARISHA: Ooh. MATT: There’s one that says– SAM: Let’s do it! MATT: There’s another that says, “Proof of others’ worship of heretical gods paid in gold.” One that says, “Looking for work for the glory of our King Bertrand. Good pay and adventurous living as a soldier of the Righteous Brand. Seek Leopold Wanstiker at the Marrow Keep.” SAM: What? MATT: Wanstiker. Wanstiker. LAURA: Can I try sleight of hand and just try to make that into Wangstacker? MATT: Yeah, go for it. TALIESIN: I believe in you. LIAM: So we’re all up there now? MATT: Apparently. LAURA: It was a 12. MATT: No one seems to notice as you quickly scribble out and alter the visual to where it says “Wangstacker at the Marrow Keep in the Signet Wall,” and then, “Roving beast in need of extermination. Must be trained sellsword with experience.” MARISHA: That’s right up our alley! Extermination! LIAM: Control action. MATT: There looks to be one piece of engraved brass or bronze material on the side that says, “All job inquiries to be taken to Herald of the Hall Voloshin within.” MARISHA: The fucking Herald. LIAM: Would you repeat that last phrase please, DM? MATT: Oh, “All job inquiries are to be taken to Herald of the Hall–” LIAM: Herald of the Hall. MATT: Voloshin. LIAM: Voloshin? MATT: Yeah. V-O-L-O-S-H-I-N. MARISHA: It’s the guy the town crier said. SAM: Personally, I think that we should turn in those devious schemers and get all the gold we can. TRAVIS: No, look, come on. They confided in us. The last thing we should do is turn on that just for a simple coin. MARISHA: Besides, did you see how many posts on that board were all revolved around ratting people out? LIAM: Yeah, I also don’t want to stick my neck out, but anything that is a thumb in the eye of the Empire, I’m all for. TALIESIN: Stitches get– eh snitches get stitches. Stitches are just– SAM AND TALIESIN: Stitches. TALIESIN: Snitches get stitches– wait– MARISHA: Stitches are just stitches? SAM: In the original Zimean– LAURA: It makes more sense. TALIESIN: One of the few. TRAVIS: I personally enjoyed the last beast that we slayed, but I think that we have plenty to discuss in that warm bath you’re talking about. TALIESIN: It’s time for a bath. MARISHA: As we walk there I talk to Caleb. You mentioned being like “Bah! Empire!” LIAM: Just now or do you mean just a moment ago? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Don’t say it in the open, you guys, wait until we’re in the bath. SAM: Yeah, let’s just mosey onto the bath, nice, slow, and steady. TRAVIS: Can you put your thumbs in your pocket and give a little waddle? SAM: (pathetically) Hyuck, hyuck. (laughing) TRAVIS: You look right on, right there. LIAM: He’s a little tiny mosey– MARISHA: It’s so cute! LAURA: It’s tiny little Fjord! TALIESIN: This is a dark mirror, man. A dark, dark mirror. TRAVIS: Give a little spit, so people know you’re coming. SAM: (spitting) TRAVIS: (tinging) SAM: (western flute trill) MATT: Which is strange because the spit actually emerges from your sternum. (laughing) MATT: As you progress, you eventually find yourself to the outside of The Steam’s Respite. Fairly simple looking building, of deeply dark-stained wood slats that are all vertical against heavy load-bearing columns at each major corner, but it’s fairly sizeable for its simple exterior. TALIESIN: I’ve learned one thing in my travels: always hit the bathhouse first. Every major town. TRAVIS: Good to know. LIAM: Finally, a bath. MATT: You guys walk your way into the main chamber. There’s a couple benches to the right and left of you. There’s some small planters that have low-light plants being kept in the area to give a fresher scent. There is a small chair and a desk set up with a clerk, an older female half-orc, hunched but smiling with her hair gray, thick hair braided up on the sides and pinned in the back with a long spike of some kind with a lower jaw that extends with two visible tusks, but a warm smile amongst the rest of the nice flower dress that she wears. As you approach, she looks up from the desk. “Hello! You’ve come to the Respite. I am Miss Rima. Are all of you here for a bath?” LAURA: Yes, Miss Rima! MATT: “Would you like individual rooms?” LAURA: Oh, I think we plan on doing a lot of stuff, so probably all together. MATT: “Right, so the Common Room. It is less expensive, but less private. For the six of you, for the Common Chamber, that’ll run about three silver apiece.” MARISHA: Oh, yeah. TRAVIS: Quite reasonable. LAURA: Rima, is there someone who can take clothing and clean it up as well while we are bathing?“ MATT: "That can be provided at an additional cost, my dear. That’ll be an additional one silver each for the washing and cleaning fee.” TALIESIN: Oh, happily. MARISHA: I’ll take it. LIAM: I’ll pass on it. LAURA: You probably shouldn’t, though. TRAVIS: He’s all clean right now. Pumat Sol cleaned him up. LAURA: They can stitch up the holes and stuff. LIAM: The clothes are still pretty shit, though. LAURA: No, you were Prestidigitation-ed. LIAM: My hair is killer right now. The clothes are old and shitty. MATT: The clothes are cleaner, they’re just tattered and patched. LIAM: Some stink don’t come off. LAURA: Ew! Like the poop splatter! LIAM: I meant blood, but sure. LIAM: The poop is right there. TALIESIN: Early 90s River Phoenix hair going everywhere of its own volition. TRAVIS: I’d like to have my clothes cleaned, yes. LAURA: Four silver. MATT: “Four, eight, 12, 16, 23 silver for the lot. Thank you so much.” Takes the change, leads you into a back chamber where you get undressed. There is a doorway that leads open into a central common hot spring bath that is dug out of the ground here. It has a rock perimeter to it, and the steam immediately hits you. It smells of herbs and soaps. The water itself is somewhat cloudy, and it looks like there’s maybe only four other people in there, obscured by the steam at the edges of the pool. As Miss Rima leaves your presence, you guys can finish disrobing and leaving your clothing behind and enter the bathhouse. MARISHA: I go in, and I’m like that drunk person at the hot tub at the hotel. Hi, how are you guys doing? Excuse me! Scoot over! I got more friends coming. LAURA: I run by her and say cannonball! And jump in. MATT: (water splashing) MARISHA: Told you. MATT: As the explosion of water hits, there’s this older couple in their 70s or so that, as you muscle in, they slowly scoot away. There’s this splash and they both (upset squealing) and avoid the space. TRAVIS: (elderly voice) My anniversary! MATT: As you come up out of the water, Jester, and (breathes), you hair flaps back on the back of your neck. LAURA: Hair like the Little Mermaid. MATT: Your eyes focus, and you see a familiar face in the water across from you. Leaning, arms akimbo, against the rock, with a thick hilt of a sword just resting, apparently– TRAVIS: In the hot tub?! MATT: In the hot tub. You see a familiar pale-looking, muscular woman, with darker hair that fades to light, as there is Yasha, staring at you with a curious look. (cheering) MARISHA: Fresh off the east coast! TRAVIS: Beast mode! MATT: Scoot in a bit. ASHLEY: Oh, hi! ALL: Oh, hi! ASHLEY: I’m here! A little sleepy, but I’m here! Oh! Well, if it isn’t my old friends. MARISHA: The fuck? LAURA: Oh my god, Yasha! ASHLEY: You know, I’ve been tracking you guys for quite some time, and I knew you were here, but I just figured I might want to get a bath first and get a rub down. Treat myself. TRAVIS: Oh man. You come to these places a lot? I’ve never been. ASHLEY: I enjoy sometimes the finer things of life. MARISHA: She rolled with Molly. TALIESIN: I walk out of the changing room and walk by, don’t even– just give a kiss on the head. Took you bloody long enough to find us. ASHLEY: I know, I’m sorry. I had some things to do. TALIESIN: I’m, for the record, tattooed a lot. MATT: Explain the tattoos. TALIESIN: Okay. I apologize that there’s no art yet. I’ll get around to that. There’s a snake tattoo that curls all the way up the arm. That goes all the way up into the peacock– people have seen the top of the peacock, but the peacock is actually roving into a big floral piece that goes down into a snake that is swallowing the hand. There is an eye in a pyramid piece with another eye illuminated above it. It seems to almost go into the hairline, all the way up the back. There’s a moon and sun connected to the shoulder piece that all interconnects. The whole thing’s very complicated. LAURA: Is it all upper body? TALIESIN: It is all upper body, yeah. LAURA: What about the Prince Albert? TALIESIN: Except for– do you actually know what that is? LAURA: I do. TALIESIN: Yeah, no, I don’t. TRAVIS: She knows a lot about dicks, remember? SAM: Poor Ashley. Wherever she goes, it’s body tattoos. (laughter) ASHLEY: I found him in the woods. In a Bag of Holding. TALIESIN: Each tattoo has 15 meanings. LIAM: Have you been hot on our heels this whole time to keep pace with us? ASHLEY: You guys are not very discreet. You’re pretty easy to follow. LAURA: Did you see what happened in Alfield? ASHLEY: Uh, yeah. LAURA: That was us. We killed them all. ASHLEY: Okay. I came for the aftermath of it, but I didn’t see. Or I would have jumped in and helped, of course. SAM: Why are you following us? And by the way, even though I am totally naked, I still look like– MATT: A fully clothed, tiny Fjord. Yeah. Even when you remove your clothing, they just shed off your body and they still visually appear on you. It’s a very strange visual. SAM: It’s me, the goblin, by the way. ASHLEY: Oh. I do remember you quite well. SAM: Why were you following us? ASHLEY: I said I was going to meet you here in Zadash. LAURA: We told her where we were going to go. SAM: Oh. But don’t you have mysterious big person things to do? ASHLEY: I did. I have things that I occasionally tend to, and I did. SAM: Did you do them? ASHLEY: Ish. SAM: (whispering) So mysterious. ASHLEY: It’s not that mysterious. I just have things that I have to do sometimes. TRAVIS: We’re looking to get in some– ASHLEY: Trouble? TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: They paid us 60 gold for three days. ASHLEY: You made 60 gold in three days? LAURA: We killed things for money! TALIESIN: I’ve never made money like this. TRAVIS: We’ve got the head of a manticore out on our cart. Melting in the sun. SAM: I stole two buttons! ASHLEY: Oh. How nice! What do they look like, these buttons? SAM: They’re in my existing clothes. ASHLEY: Your other clothing? SAM: They’re in the other room. They’re very nice, though. ASHLEY; You’re among friends. You don’t have to wear any clothes if you don’t want. SAM: No, I’m okay. LAURA: Oh, are you free of bandages and everything too and we just can’t see it? SAM: Yeah, I handed all of those bandages to be washed. (laughter) ASHLEY: I did hear that you’ve been calling yourselves something? I hear a name floating around, that you’re calling yourselves the Mighty Nein? LAURA: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: We are getting a reputation! TALIESIN: Word of mouth. You don’t need a big, public thing. TRAVIS: Not too much, Caleb. It’s all right. Not too much. LIAM: How many people have you heard that from? ASHLEY: Three and a half. TRAVIS: That’s less than a handful. TALIESIN: Three and one dead. TRAVIS: Not even worth mentioning at all. LIAM: In a handful of days. ASHLEY: In a handful of days. SAM: And is our reputation intimidating? Threatening? ASHLEY: It’s neither here nor there, but just for clarification, is it Nine, as the number nine– SAM: Yes. It’s the number nine. TRAVIS: Actually, that’s not correct. LAURA: So we still need a few people left. ASHLEY: Okay. TALIESIN: It’s going to be very hard to search for us if they don’t know if it’s Nine or Nein. SAM: No, it’s Nine, the number nine. MARISHA: It’s deliberately con– are they looking for nine people? SAM: That’s right. ASHLEY: You look different. TRAVIS: I thought it was “no.” LIAM: Yes. I have been in this bath for a few minutes. No, you were here when I got here. That’s true. We visited an arcane shop and the gentle…men? I’m not sure, really. The proprietors of the shop did a little dippity doo to me and it just took everything away. LAURA: Did you know there’s a spell that can do that? ASHLEY: No. I actually don’t know much about spells and things. LIAM: Yeah, he gave me the carwash. Took it all away. ASHLEY: Nice. MARISHA: That’s something different from where I come from. LIAM: Yeah, I don’t like this. I start sinking into the bath, enveloping everything, and sitting on the bottom and holding my breath for a little while. TRAVIS: Well, we’ve lost Caleb. Should we discuss the potential job offers that we’ve collected? TALIESIN: Also, if we’re going to get him back, we going to have to have an agreement about the fact that, while there’s going to be a certain amount of advertising necessary for this kind of venture, there are many of us– and I think it’s fair to say– that want to keep things quiet. As quiet as possible. TRAVIS: I agree. I am also not looking to attract any attention. MATT: (clapping) You hear this four series of quick snapping claps, and you hear, “Heat it up!” You hear the voice of Miss Rima from within, and you watch as two side doors open. These small troops of women and men come through with these pots of heated water, and then dump them into the bath to refresh the heat, and then exit again and then close the doors behind them. TALIESIN: Bless you! LIAM: Oh, it’s hot down there on the ears! MARISHA: Yeah. I wasn’t going to tell you. SAM: I’m not in the water. LAURA: You’re not getting in the water? SAM: Nope. LAURA: You’re just standing off to the side, Nott? SAM: Yep. LAURA: But you’re naked. SAM: Possibly, yes. LAURA: You’re ready to come in. Come into the– ASHLEY: Have you been in the water at all? SAM: No, I’d prefer not to. ASHLEY: Do you not like going into the water? SAM: No, thank you. LAURA: What is it about it? SAM: It’s creepy. It’s dangerous in there. It can drown a person. MARISHA: So wait. You’re creeped out by water and you’re creeped out by fire? Man, covering the spectrums. Yeah. LAURA: Yeah. ASHLEY: Nott, do you know how to swim? SAM: I don’t know. I haven’t tried in a while. TRAVIS: Well, we can certainly teach you. ASHLEY: We could hold you. TRAVIS: Yeah. It’s very shallow here. Very little risk. TALIESIN: My father just threw me right in. That’s how I learned. MARISHA: You know, that’s actually– TRAVIS: We’re not going to do that. TALIESIN: No, that’s a terrible idea. SAM: No, that sounds terrifying and horrible! TALIESIN: It was awful, but here we are. LIAM: I could hold you and you could do the dog paddle. Have you ever seen the dog paddle before? SAM: I mean, it seems dangerous, though. How do you breathe in there? MARISHA: Well, you keep your head above water. LIAM: Well, you know. MARISHA: Here, I take Nott and I say, hold my hands. Just hold my hands. Okay, ready? And I pull Nott into the water and I go: Now kick kick kick! There you go! Kick kick kick! Keep kicking! Keep kicking! Good job! And I put her back on the edge. SAM: (coughing) It got in my nose! TALIESIN: Wow, that brought it back. TRAVIS: She vomits up a popsicle into the pool. MARISHA: It’s okay. See? LAURA: See? How did it feel? SAM: It wasn’t terrible. LIAM: Does the little Fjord look wet or dry? MATT: Looks dry. But leaving a trail of water behind. LIAM: I love magic so much. SAM: It’s not bad. LAURA: Are the old couple looking at us like we’re weird? MATT: Yes. They’re both off, holding each other, just going. LIAM: Hey, they’re all about to start having sex. You might want to get out of here. MATT: They immediately get up and start leaving into the changing room, exiting the chamber. LAURA: Is there anyone else in this pool with us? MATT: At the moment, no. TRAVIS: Yeah! LAURA: Yeah! It’s all ours! It’s a party room now! TALIESIN: I don’t think they understood that was an invitation. TRAVIS: So here’s what we got. We got “gold from 'My-riad’ activity?” LAURA: Myriad. TRAVIS: Myriad activity. Whatever that is. TALIESIN: That’s exciting. TRAVIS: We got “reward for rebel gatherings.” Which we are not going to do. We’ve got “tracking down heretical god worship.” I don’t think we’re feeling that one, right? LIAM: With this one? LAURA: Probably a bad thing to do! SAM: Do you have a god that you worship? Because we’ve just been told that’s it’s bad juju around here. TRAVIS: Yeah. Apparently there are only six deities they allow to be worshipped publicly here. ASHLEY: What are the six deities? TRAVIS: The Allhammer, the Raven Queen, the– LAURA: Platinum Dragon. SAM: The Dawnfather, the Annoying Mistress? MATT: The Knowing Mis– (laughter) MATT: That’s a different pantheon all together. MARISHA: What was it? The Dawnfather, the Raven Queen, the Knowing Mistress, the Allhammer– MATT: The Lawbearer. MARISHA: The Lawbearer! LIAM: Do you have any sort of religion or tradition of heavy metal or something? ASHLEY: Yes, I do. SAM: Are you in the clear? ASHLEY: Not here. LAURA: (gasps) Do you worship the Traveler too? ASHLEY: I do not. LAURA: Oh, okay. I thought I would have known you if you did. ASHLEY: Probably. LAURA: We have really small group meetings. It’s usually just me. ASHLEY: Oh. He sounds like a great– so many adventures. With traveling and with him. LAURA: What about you? ASHLEY: Well, I don’t feel like I’m comfortable to say here– SAM: We can see your vagina. LAURA: Yeah, you don’t have anything to hide from us. ASHLEY: I mean, it’s underwater, but– SAM: So we’re all comfortable. TALIESIN: One assumes there’s a mist that’s just covering everything– MATT: It obscures it to the point where, yeah. ASHLEY: You stand up and it’s still like– TALIESIN: I mean, nudity’s going great and all, but this is more about comfortability. LIAM: As a victim of Campaign One: yes, there has to be. LAURA: Everything is a milk bath. TALIESIN: Thank you! LIAM: That’s not milk! TRAVIS: We also got, apparently, Winestacker. Wang stacker? Yeah, he had something, at the Morrow Keep? LAURA: He wanted people to join the military, so no. TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re not going to do that. But there is a roving beast, which feel like falls into our wheelhouse. LAURA: I like killing roving beasts. TALIESIN: I don’t know what a wheelhouse is, but I feel pretty positive about the metaphor in general. LAURA: Nott, do you want me to wash your hair for you? No one will see. Because you look like Fjord. SAM: All right, that’ll be nice! TRAVIS: If you’re not planning on bouncing tout suite, might be a fair way to find our way in the town. ASHLEY: Sometimes I have to go, but I like killing things, so sign me up. TALIESIN: My god, the money. ASHLEY: And my god, the money. TALIESIN: I’ve never seen anything like it. LAURA: We made so much money off of ears! TRAVIS: Yep, we really did. ASHLEY: Just ears alone? TALIESIN: Three months’ worth of shows, like that! ASHLEY: Wow. MARISHA: The Crownsguard have so much money. TALIESIN: And they’re so lazy! LAURA: And we’re going to make a whole lot of gold over at the Pillow Trove. ASHLEY: What is the Pillow Trove? LAURA: It’s a fancy hotel place. TRAVIS: Apparently Jester’s mother’s going to hook it up, right? LAURA: Mm-hmm! ASHLEY: Who’s your mother? LAURA: She’s the Ruby of the Sea. ASHLEY: I feel like I’ve heard of the Ruby of the Sea. ASHLEY and TALIESIN: [whisper inaudibly] ASHLEY: Okay, I have heard of the Ruby of the Sea. That’s pretty spectacular that that’s your mother. LAURA: I know! MARISHA: She has her own jingle. SAM: How does that go again? (singing) Everybody knows the Ruby of the Sea! TRAVIS and MARISHA: (singing) The best lay around! LAURA: You guys have really bad memories because it was not like this at all. TRAVIS: Hey, Nott, now the next step is to get your head underwater. Okay, we’re going to take a big breath. LAURA: I’ve been sudsing up your hair. You have to do it to dunk your hair. SAM: To wash my hair? TRAVIS: Beau and I will hold you, and on the count of three, we’re going to go under. TRAVIS and MARISHA: One, and a two, and a three! TRAVIS: We all go underwater with Nott. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and SAM: (bubbling) TRAVIS: And we bring him back up. SAM: (gasping) I’ll kill you all! I’ll kill every motherfucking one! TRAVIS: (shushing) LIAM: He’s done, you are with friends. TRAVIS: Hey, you did great! You did great. You’re going to get a sticker. MARISHA: A sucker, at the end of this. From Jester, not from me, but you’ll get a sucker. TRAVIS: It didn’t burn, right? You lived. Great job. SAM: Thank you. ASHLEY: How do you feel now? Are you still scared? SAM: I’m less scared, but it’s still uncomfortable, and I’d prefer to do it at my own speed, thank you very much. ASHLEY: Do you want to stand at the side then, and hold the side? SAM: Hold the side, like this? Yes. LIAM: Yasha, there’s a heavier presence of the Empire here than there was in Trostenwald. How does that sit with you? ASHLEY: Well, I know I have to be careful about some certain things. I think I’ll be fine. TRAVIS: Nobody’s chasing after you or giving you any heat, are they? ASHLEY: No. LIAM: Insight check. TRAVIS: Which one? I am lying! MATT: Generally you can say, “Do I believe her?” and then I’ll tell you to make an insight check. LIAM: Okay. Do I believe her? I do! Okay. ASHLEY: I’m not in trouble for anything. I think, if anything, it would be because of the god I’ve chosen to follow. LAURA: Which is whom? TRAVIS: Jester! ASHLEY: It’s the Stormlord. I don’t know if you know of him. SAM: Do any of us know what the Stormlord is? MATT: Yeah. For basic religion, you would, because you’ve been outside the Empire. Those of you who grew up in the Empire, you would vaguely have an idea. LIAM: What about a big reader? MATT: You would, maybe. Make a religion check. LIAM: Natural 20. MATT: You are very aware of the Stormlord. You knew the Stormlord well. Since the Menagerie Coast largely relies on port trade, it is one of the most-worshipped gods in the Menagerie Coast for people who travel in and out of the ports there. Overseas, safe passage amongst bodies of water, contests of strength, proving worth through action. Lot of very interesting elements that the two of you would know of that following. TRAVIS: I understand the Stormlord is to be feared and respected. ASHLEY: Yes, he’s pulled me out of what literally felt like the depths of hell, so I owe him my life. I will continue to serve him and do as he asks, whenever he asks. LAURA: Are you from the Menagerie Coast as well? ASHLEY: No. LAURA: Are you from the empire? ASHLEY: No. SAM: Where are you from?! (laughter) LAURA: Sorry, Yasha. This is a lot. If you don’t want to answer, I understand. LIAM: Yeah, you just joined back up with us. She doesn’t need to tell us her life story. MARISHA: When you say “pulled you from hell,” though– TRAVIS: Wow, Beau. Really? MARISHA: What? She brought it up. LIAM: You are literally undercutting the very thing I just said. TRAVIS: We are very glad that you’re back. TALIESIN: I vouch for her, for what it’s worth. TRAVIS: Which means a lot, Molly. TALIESIN: It means what it means. LAURA: I trust her fully. TRAVIS: Molly, what else do you do around a hot bath-spa-place? TALIESIN: You run into your friends who are also heading in odd directions. LAURA: You stand uncomfortably close to people you know and make them feel awkward. And I walk really close to you, Fjord. TALIESIN: I tend to find it’s easier to look into somebody’s eyes and figure out if they’re lying to you if they’re naked and boiling. TRAVIS: Uh-huh. Jester– I forgot what I was going to say. MARISHA: Yasha, it’s interesting to see you without your cloak. You were super adamant about that one. ASHLEY: I was cold. MARISHA: Sure. Hot tub, you know. ASHLEY: I recall when you asked for it, it was a very cold day. MARISHA: Uh-huh. Do you need a towel? Do you need me to get the hard-to-reach places in your back or anything for you, while we’re here? ASHLEY: I got it. TALIESIN: I like to think you’re scratching– You’ve got a sword in your hand, for god’s sake. TRAVIS: This is normal, right? ASHLEY: You pay extra to keep your weapons. SAM: You’ve been in the water before, haven’t you? TRAVIS: No, I know, it just seems to be happening faster than before. It’s all fragrant and stuff. LAURA: Oh no, Fjord! Are you melting?! SAM: He’s turning into a fish! LAURA: Oh no, you’re turning into water! TRAVIS: Oh no, oh no. Jester, help. (fake drowning noises) LIAM: Five or six days in, I think, and I’m really questioning this decision. SAM: Should we take the mission to go kill the big beast? TRAVIS: I think so. TALIESIN: I say we take the beast. Again, keep it on the down-low. We’ll figure out a way of getting credit and keeping our reputation, but keeping it quiet. MARISHA and LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: We take it to the Herald of the Hall. LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: God, I hope his name is Harold. MARISHA: You guys know how Shakäste was all like (shushing) and secret, you know? LAURA: Is that what he was like? MARISHA: Yeah, he was all like, “I’m mysterious.” TRAVIS: We met a guy named Shakäste, he was super cool. White afro, really awesome. MARISHA: Have you heard of him? LIAM: Totally blind. MARISHA: Everywhere he went, he was like, (shushing). He was super badass. TRAVIS: He said “baby” a lot. LAURA: He called us “baby.” ASHLEY: He called you a baby a lot? TRAVIS: But in a charming way. MARISHA: I was into it, I didn’t feel demeaned by it. It makes me feel good, makes me feel safe. TALIESIN: I felt demeaned, but in a good way. MARISHA: I’m just saying, maybe we can– MARISHA and LAURA: Be like that. LAURA: I get out and I start drying my hair and try to get pretty. TALIESIN: Yeah, we’re up. MATT: You guys start making your way out of the bath, gathering your clothing once more, as you head back. TRAVIS: I gather my clothing away from Jester. LIAM: Is this one still in disguise? Nott, are you still in disguise? SAM: How long has it been? LIAM: It’s an hour, that it takes. MATT: You’ve been in here, catching up and soaking for about a half an hour, 40 minutes, so you’re getting pretty close to losing. SAM: I wrap a towel around myself, and then I’ll drop form. TRAVIS: Come on, “son.” MATT: You now see the towel-covered, goblinoid form of Nott, her hair wet and tattered down across the face. It’s long in the front, the yellow eyes peeking through. LIAM: Are our clothes in here, or somewhere else? LAURA: They probably folded them up for us. LIAM: But I didn’t send mine off to be cleaned. TALIESIN: Then yours was in a locker. LIAM: I’m going to pull the spool of silver thread and I’ll take a length of it out, and I’m going to pull Nott’s hair back and do a little ponytail. Simple. ASHLEY: I’m going to wait until everyone gets out. MARISHA: Damn it. I was going to say, I wait and watch all my friends get out. TRAVIS: You all just sit on opposite sides. SAM: You guys coming? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah. ASHLEY: Yeah, I just want to make sure that I get my full time’s worth. MARISHA: Yeah, we paid a lot for this. TRAVIS: Should we catch you outside, then? MARISHA: No, it’s good. TALIESIN: It’s a really hot hot tub. LIAM: I think the moment’s passed for the rest of us. I think we should go. SAM: We’ll just go. TRAVIS: Maybe they need more hot water, we’ll send some in on our way out. LIAM: Have fun storming the castle. MATT: The clean clothing is presented. You guys get dressed and your outfits are waiting for you in the dressing room. TALIESIN: I’m ready for Monster Hunter. LAURA: Who gives up first? TRAVIS: I’m real down for that showdown. MARISHA: We’re in hot tub chicken right now. ASHLEY: I mean, I don’t care to show anything. MARISHA: No? ASHLEY: I feel like this is a pool of honesty. I just wanted to see everybody else naked first. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s honestly kind of my thing. ASHLEY: Okay, I’m getting out. LIAM: And the water drops a foot and a half. (laughter) MATT: It’s fun to watch her make her way out using the large greatsword essentially as a walking stick as she emerges from the tub. MARISHA: Do I get a nice view? MATT and ASHLEY: Yes. SAM: Roll for perv. TRAVIS: Perving on Yasha. MARISHA: And now I get out, yeah. TALIESIN: Backflip. MARISHA: Three-point landing. MATT: You guys have regathered your materials. You’ve reconvened outside the Steam’s Respite. It’s about midday now, about noon-ish. The rest of the day is still yours. What do you wish to do? TALIESIN: Let’s find a herald. The maudlin herald. LAURA: While you guys do that, I need to go to The Pillow Trove, okay? LIAM: Where are you going? LAURA: I need to go to The Pillow Trove, which is the nice tavern in the place. LIAM: Would you mind, I don’t want to go in, but would you mind if I tagged along with you? LAURA: No, that’s fine. TRAVIS: Will you be gone for a while, or is it a quick errand? LAURA: It’s a quick errand. I just need to pop in and pop out, you know how you do. TRAVIS: We’ll see you back over here, then? Okay. LIAM: Nott, did you want to stick with the others? I’m going to run an errand with Jester. SAM: Do you need me? LIAM: Not for this. I should just be gone a couple of hours. SAM: Do you need health potions, because you might die? LIAM: I think chances are very low. SAM: Do you have one? LIAM: Yeah, I have the one you secured for me, yeah. SAM: Okay, good. TALIESIN: Come on, Nott, it’ll be fine. We’ll see if we can meet anybody else who you could make feel better about who they are. LIAM: Go have fun. Maybe you get another button or two from a grumpy person. SAM: Excellent. LAURA: Before we leave, I run up and give Yasha a hug, and say: I’m glad you’re back. ASHLEY: Oh, thank you, Jester. I get uncomfortable. I don’t hug her back, but I gently give her one pat. LIAM: Caleb sees this, and just goes– TRAVIS: Hug around the arms that are down, and you’re like– MATT: Perfect. ASHLEY: I’m trying. I’m very uncomfortable with human touch. LIAM: I feel like I know you better now. TRAVIS: We’ll see you back at the King’s Hall. LAURA: Okie-dokie. MATT: Those of you heading to the King’s Hall, you make your way back to the familiar outside, this large center for law, order, and judgement within the city of Zadash. As you approach the doorways, the guards pass, but keep an eye very closely as you enter. On the interior, you can see there are two round tables with curved benches that meet the sides of it, and there you can see some of the crownsguard in the process of talking to various civilians and taking notes. There’s conversation about– pardon me. So? TRAVIS: Is there a desk, or a clerk? MATT: You don’t see a desk or a clerk, but you do see the crownsguard that are currently at the tables, talking to these individuals, and you see two other individual crownsguards that are standing and guarding two hallway entrances that lead further into the King’s Hall. MARISHA: As we walk up, I’m going to take my robe, and for the first time any time this party has seen, cross it over and tie it more traditionally. TRAVIS: I’ll walk up to one of the king’s guard, ask him. We’re here to inquire about one of the postings. There’s a roving beast that needs taking care of. MATT: “Oh, let me go and get the Herald for you, hold on just a second.” He scoots out of the next hallway. A few moments later, you watch as this really stressed-looking male dwarf with these thick mutton chops and salt-and-pepper hair, well-groomed, combed really heavily to one side, the thick hair is being tamed to the point where, in a very Gene Wilder way, it’s combed and then (poof), out one side. As he walks in, he’s wearing long robes of gold and white and silver, and carries the holy symbol of the Lawbearer. You can see an axe that hangs on a chain with a scale embedded in the center of it. He walks in. “Right. So you’re inquiring about the job board?” TRAVIS: That’s right. We’re a few members of the group known as the Mighty Nein. We would like to take one of those listings off your hand, if we could. MATT: “All right. Which one in the task board you looking for?” TRAVIS: The one mentioning that roving beast. Seems about our speed. MATT: He gives a quick glance over all of you. “All right. Let me go ahead and pull this out.” He pulls a small side bag that has a bunch of pieces of paper in it. He unfurls one section, sets it down. “And your names?” MARISHA: Can’t we all go under The Mighty Nein? MATT: “I’m sorry, but for the purposes of maintaining organization within the paperwork here we need to know the names of those who are to claim any rewards or benefits of completing a job.” TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m Philbin. MATT: “Philbin, all right. And you are?” LIAM: Regis. MARISHA: Damn it, I can’t say it now. TRAVIS: Yeah, fucker. MARISHA: Lawrence. MATT: “Lawrence.” SAM: Kylre. MATT: “Kylre.” TALIESIN: Esma. MATT: “Esma, all right.” ASHLEY: Um. Barry. (laughter) TALIESIN: Short for Barrymore. ASHLEY: It’s short for Barrymore, but I just go by Barry. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: The head-shake afterward is the best ASHLEY: Oh! D&D Beyond! Am I remembering how to do this? SAM: What screen are you on? ASHLEY: I’m still new. SAM: Refreshing! What did you roll? ASHLEY: Refreshing, it’s loading. MARISHA: Ashley, that’s DocuSign, you’re in the wrong app completely! TALIESIN: Really, oh wow, that’s a number. ASHLEY: Okay, 13. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Is it a minus? TALIESIN: It’s a minus two. MATT: “All right, Barry. Okay (clears throat). This here is a writ of Lawmaster intent. This will "give you entrance to the location of where the job is supposed to take place. This supposed creature "has holed up in a sewer nexus right on where the Interstead Sprawl meets with the outer wall of the "Tri-Spires. We need you to travel down there, and, well, let’s say there’s a whole region on the "inside where we’ve been hearing about this backing up of various liquid and strange noises from "cleaners who were making their way through, so we sent a few crownsguards down and came across a "mass of congealed sewage slime and webbing, so the fucking cowards ran back and we need to dig "deeper. So here we are: find a way of whatever is creating this disturbance, kill it, take it back "with proof of the kill, whatever built that little nest, and the Crown is willing to drop you about "700 gold pieces.” TALIESIN: 700 gold pieces? MATT: “That’s correct.” TALIESIN: Just for the entrance, they are aware that there are several of us, we are just representatives of a slightly larger group. MATT: “Well, you have to divide it evenly from the 700 you get.” TALIESIN: Of course, but we can all get entrance from this writ? MATT: “All the ones that are named on here.” TALIESIN: You need all the names of everybody involved? MATT: “There’s more involved?” TALIESIN: Well, we’re called the Mighty “Nine,” aren’t we? MATT: (groans) Takes the writ. “And who are the other companions?” TALIESIN: Well, let’s just send seven of us down for now. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s fair. SAM: Seven of nine? TALIESIN: Oh, really? I’ve never felt such hatred than this moment. Wow, god damn it. TRAVIS: What are those other two called? I forget. ASHLEY: We’ve got Karen– TRAVIS: (laughing) Karen. SAM: And Rothschild. MATT: “Karen and Rothschild.” ASHLEY: Yeah. Wouldn’t that mean we would get 900 gold? 100 per person– per, you know? MATT: “No, that would be 700 gold, split between the lot of you.” TRAVIS: Just to be clear, there’s no clearage of sewage? We’re just here to take care of whatever’s causing that webbing you mentioned. MATT: “Whatever’s causing the blockage, and the webbing, whatever else they found down there. Yes, "take care of that, bring back proof of the death.” TRAVIS: Proof of– okay. MARISHA: But you don’t know what did it? SAM: Do you know what kind of monster it is? MATT: “No fucking clue, that’s why you’re being paid 700 gold for it!” SAM: Okay. Have people been killed? MATT: “People have gone missing. You think you’re the first to try and take the job? No, it’s "dangerous! That’s why we’re paying so much. If you don’t want it, go away. If you want it, here’s the "writ, good luck.” MARISHA: Thank you. TRAVIS: Mighty obliged, we’ll take care of this most expediently. MARISHA: Bye. ASHLEY: Wait! Has anyone gone and come back? MATT: “There have been three times that it’s been taken up and one’s come back declining it and two "that have not.” TRAVIS: Declining it? For any specific reason or did they just change their mind? MATT: “Think they changed their mind a bit.” ASHLEY: We’ll take care of it. MATT: “I’m sure you will.” ASHLEY: I sense a little sarcasm in you, sir. MATT: “It’s a dwarven thing. We’ve got resting bitch voice.” (laughter) ASHLEY: Fair enough. TRAVIS: Good day to you. We’ll take care of this. MATT: “Great. Well, shove off!” SAM: Okay! TRAVIS: And we leave. TALIESIN: We walk away. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Theoretically. TRAVIS: Yeah? MARISHA: Not that I want to be a– what’s the word– “shysta”? LIAM: Shyster. SAM and TRAVIS: Shakäste. MARISHA: If they don’t know what the monster is, and we have a perfectly good manticore head– TALIESIN: Then they’re going to send people down there. TRAVIS: That’s not really our problem. TALIESIN: But then they’ll know. MARISHA: If we get the gold first. ASHLEY: Maybe it came back to life? TALIESIN: As someone who actually has towns that they can’t re-enter again for reasons, that we will go into later, over booze– it’s best to keep a clear reputation. TRAVIS: Beau does have a good point, though. I mean, if we get down there and it’s some world-ending monster– TALIESIN: We can just run back up. MARISHA: We found a manticore, who knows, they make nests. TALIESIN: There’s a blacksmith who knows. MARISHA: Do you think the blacksmith cares what the Empire is doing? The blacksmith is just trying to survive. TALIESIN: I think the blacksmith will get ten gold for telling them if they find out there was a manticore down there that– MARISHA: If the blacksmith knows. SAM: It’s a good plan B. TALIESIN: It’s an emergency plan. It’s a good plan B, I’ll grant you that. TRAVIS: I head to the outside and wait out by the posting where we last saw Caleb and Jester. SAM: Karen and Rothschild. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Karen and Rothschild. TALIESIN: I’m going to juggle. MATT: After asking some questions and making your way around you eventually find the Tri-Spires, which is not too difficult to see once you know what you’re looking for. You see these three very unique-looking towers that ascend past a round wall that encases the interior of this elite portion of the city. As you approach the wall– the outer walls you see are basic stonework and masonry, thick as they may be and used as from a defensive position– these walls are made of solid marble, and look more decorative than designed to be a military buttress of any kind. As you approach, you can see there are two entrances to it– or at least you’ve been told there are two. The one that’s nearest to you opens in the direction of the Pentamarket, and while the portcullis is lifted you see there are two crownsguard there, currently standing with spears and shields at the ready. A horse-drawn carriage clomps by you and makes its way inside. You guys approach and one of the guards steps forward. “Can I help you, please?” LAURA: Yes, we have business at the Pillow Trove. MATT: “I don’t think you do. Please, shove off.” LAURA: Oh, well, I have business at the Pillow Trove. MATT: “What’s your business with the Pillow Trove?” LAURA: I have a package that’s being delivered there. What business do you have at the Pillow Trove? MATT: “Look, your friend here looks like he just wandered out of the Evening Nip if anything, so it would be best–” LAURA: Oh, yes, I hired him to protect me because you know I’m very fragile and delicate, but if he doesn’t look well enough to be my guard, you’re welcome to walk me instead. MATT: They look at each other. Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Come on! (exclamation of surprise) LAURA: 22! TALIESIN: That was impressive. MATT: Look at each other, look back at you. “All right, I’ll walk you in. Briefly. Then I’ll get back to my post. You, stay the fuck out of this.” LAURA: (whispering) Sorry, Caleb. I’ll let you know what it’s like, okay? MARISHA: Rejected! LAURA: (whispering) Frumpkin, kitty, kitty. MATT: “All right, to the Pillow Trove. This way, follow me.” The other guard steps past him and blocks you from the other two. As the guard guides you in he makes a big whistle sound, does a finger loop, and you watch as another guard gets relieved and comes down to help him at the front doorway. LAURA: You guys are really on top of your shit in here. MATT: “Thank you. I appreciate that.” Now, stepping into the Tri-Spires– LIAM: Does that happen lickety-split, the second guard comes down? MATT: There’s maybe a 20 second period where he’s making his way down. You get the sense from the look of this, and glancing through the interior, you see elements of beautiful courtyard parks with trees and bushes. You can see statuesque structures that decorate what normally was just dirt road with occasional bits of stonework, as beautifully laid cobblestone from the interior, you can see homesteads of different styles of construction from all across this continent and beyond. This is where the money in the city goes. This is the district where the elite live, where the elite work, and where folk of very specific visual presentation and purpose are allowed entry. LIAM: Right, and as she goes and does her thing, I just want you to know that Frumpkin does follow her, and I leave and walk around the block, and duck into an alley, or any private place, and cast Disguise Self on myself to make myself look very resplendent. MATT: Roll a stealth check for Frumpkin. LIAM: For Frumpkin? It’s not very good. That is only a four. MATT: As Frumpkin begins to (meowing) run on its way, and one of the guards goes, “Piss off,” and kicks Frumpkin about ten feet off, and stumbles and skids, and then gets back up. MARISHA: No! Not okay! LIAM: Does that take any damage? MATT: I’d say take one point of damage. LIAM: Gone. LAURA: No, you said one point? LIAM: I rolled hit points for him when I made him, and it was one, so he’s gone. TRAVIS: (explosion) MARISHA: You kicked his cat into oblivion! TRAVIS: You kicked his cat until it burst! MATT: I didn’t. TRAVIS: He kicked his cat so hard! TRAVIS and LAURA: He kicked the highlights out of his hair! LIAM: Who’s laughing now, Billy? Who’s laughing now? MATT: Stray cats can’t just wander into– LIAM: Caleb curses to himself and wanders around, and does what he says, suddenly looking very noble. I’ll let that go and then I’ll follow up. TRAVIS: You guys, I kicked this cat today, and it fucking evaporated. (laughter) TALIESIN: If that isn’t a beer-worthy story, I don’t know what is. TRAVIS: Somebody punch me. (punching sound) LIAM: Caleb is pissed. MATT: The guard looks a bit confused. As you wander back, he’s pointing at the tip of his boot, and he’s like, “I don’t know, it was fucking crazy.” So what do you look like? LIAM: I am wearing the deepest black robes, and I have a black goatee. Very Evil David Hasselhoff. TALIESIN: The Master from Doctor Who. LIAM: Sure, that. LAURA: He looks very embroidered and everything. LIAM: It’s all black velvet. The way the audience thinks Vax looks, that’s what I look like right now. SAM: Kneel before Zod. LIAM: I have a meeting in 20 minutes at the Pillow Inn. I don’t know what it’s called, but Caleb does. I don’t remember shit, but Caleb says whatever the name of it is, because of my feat. TALIESIN: This is the smartest feat you’ve ever taken. LIAM: Of course it is, it was chosen very specifically. I say whatever it’s called– MATT: The Pillow Trove. LIAM: I don’t remember, he does. I have a meeting in 20 minutes at the Pillow Grove– I know that’s wrong– Right now, 20 minutes, I need to get in. MATT: They both blink their eyes at you. As you glance down to look at your hand, it’s your regular sleeve. LIAM: The spell didn’t work here? MATT: It worked, but then as you approached, you looked down and it’s no longer there. (gasping) MARISHA: Oh, magic shit. MATT: You have a sense now, you think back to the air of magical longevity the spell would maintain, it’s gone. LIAM: Oh, wow. SAM: Oh no. TRAVIS: Disguise Self? LIAM: Yeah, he used Disguise Self. LAURA: So they dispelled it? LIAM: We don’t know. MATT: At some point, as you approached and then walked up to the gate, your Disguise Self just dissipated. The one guard that was there before is like– LIAM: Okay, I just walk away. MATT: As you walk away, he just goes, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” LIAM: Cat kicker. MATT: “Quick meeting, right? Quick fucking meeting.” SAM: Kill that guy. LAURA: What a dick. MARISHA: You just made some guard’s night. TALIESIN: We got to kill that guard. TRAVIS: Yeah, he’s gone. MATT: You are escorted to the exterior of the Pillow Trove, which would be over here in the Tri-Spires. MARISHA: I wonder how much of the Tri-Spires is like this? TRAVIS: It’s got to be locked up– MARISHA: Right? LIAM: Yeah, it’s fancy pants. MATT: You’re led down the beautiful cobblestone street. Around the bend of this beautiful courtyard where you can see a family that is currently sitting down and having an open-air picnic here amongst the grass. Butterflies in the air, it’s picturesque to the point where you question how engineered it is to a certain degree. With a couple of quick spins, you see one that catches your eye, which is really interesting, this massive one of the Tri-Spire towers that’s closest to the vicinity of The Pillow Trove, looks like it was this old temple that’s been completely hollowed out and re-purposed to look like a glitzy casino. There are banners that are pulled across in brightly-colored silks that mingle and braid into each other. You can see on each different floor there’s a different tone to the stone that’s been slightly altered, and you can see signs showing different forms of entertainment. It’s simultaneously historically awe-inspiring and gaudy combination that is intriguing. LAURA: Like Caesar’s Palace? MATT: Kind of, yeah. It’s a little Vegas-y, compared to the rest of this area. You can see a lot of the– MARISHA: There’s clouds painted on the ceiling for no reason. MATT: At the corners of these roads, you can see these tall lanterns that contain a very faintly ever-burning flame. Between each of them, there’s a long, white, silken banner that hangs as part of decoration along each road. The roads themselves feel like they’re always in some loose parade-type celebration, that’s just part of the decor of the vicinity. The stark contrast between the Outersteads, to even the moderately average Innersteads, to the Tri-Spires is astronomical. LAURA: Can I ask the guard: What is that building? MATT: “Have you not been here before?” LAURA: No. I’m new to town, actually. MATT: “Interesting. You’re in the Silken Terrace. What you’re looking at right there is called the Triumph Chime. It’s got all sorts of bars, gambling halls, inn rooms, brothel, everything you need up here.” LAURA: Oh, wow. I didn’t think you had things like this in the Empire. MATT: “We’ve got them in places. What, you think we’re uncivilized folk? Where are you from?” LAURA: I’m from the Menagerie Coast, actually. Nicodranas. MATT: “Huh. Well, you’ll feel right at home, yeah.” LAURA: Quite. MATT: “Well, here you are. Pillow Trove.” As he motions over to the side, you see this luxurious inn that has this cylindrical appearance to the front and then turns into a blocky building behind. It has this gold and deep purple coloration to the pillars that hold up the various walls to each intersection, and as soon as you walk inside, the scents of scented candles and various lavender-type smells hit your nose. The element of it reminds you of home. As you walk inside, there’s a beautiful semi-circle desk, and a human woman, probably in her mid-20s or so, jet black hair that’s straight and dangles past her shoulders, watches you approach, as the guard says, “I’ll wait here and escort you out when you’re done.” LAURA: Thank you very much, kind sir! I walk grandiosely up to the woman. Hello. I have a package that’s being delivered to here. MATT: “Very well. What is the name receiving?” LAURA: Jester. MATT: “I shall inquire. I’ll be back here in just a moment.” LAURA: Thank you very much. MATT: As she leaves from the front desk, you can see there are two crownsguard that are assigned to the sides that are keeping a close watch on you, but they’re lackadaisy through their day. You get the sense they probably don’t have to work too hard this side of the city. About five minutes pass. LAURA: Is anybody watching me? MATT: They’re both watching you, but not intently like hawks, more just making sure you’re not doing anything silly. You watch as a rather bounding obese merchant in his late 40s or so comes barreling down the stairway, sniffling hard and rubbing his nose. He’s dressed really well– maybe a size too small, trying to reclaim a presentation maybe of a younger self and he hasn’t quite come to terms with the fact that he’s hitting that age. As he walks past, he goes, “Ah. Good day.” LAURA: Good day. MATT: He exits the building. Another five minutes pass, and eventually the woman comes back and she goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t have a package for that name here. Is there any other it might be under?” LAURA: Maybe under Lavorre? MATT: “I’ll check.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: She leaves again for another few minutes. Comes back after that, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing under that name.” LAURA: Anything from The Ruby of the Sea, maybe? MATT: “I’ll check one more time.” LAURA: Okay, thank you. MATT: She leaves. LAURA: I smile back at the guard, like (pained laugh) this is crazy, isn’t it? MATT: She comes back out. “I’m terribly sorry, we do not have a package for or under any of those names. LAURA: Well, that’s really weird. Okay. Well, tell you what, how about, because it’s probably going to be coming, you know, I’m here really early for it, you know– so if it comes for me– when it does– could you leave word with the guard outside the Tri-Spire? MATT: "Which one?” LAURA: The guard house, you know. MATT: “Oh. All right, okay.” LAURA: Then I can come and ask if it’s been delivered and then I can come, because I don’t want to have to walk all the way here, you know, if it’s not here for me yet. MATT: “Very well. I’ll make a note of it.” LAURA: Okay. Unless I should maybe stay here, waiting for it? MATT: “If you like, we could set you up with a room.” LAURA: Oh! Yes, how much would that be? MATT: “Well, depends on the size. We have our general suites, we have the lordly suites, and then we have the diplomatic invitational suites. Pricing begins at ten gold per room for the basic suites, 20 for the next tier up, and for the diplomatic ones, those run about 50 gold a night.” LAURA: Well, I normally stay in the diplomatic rooms, but I guess the smallest room because, you know, I’m small. MATT: “Of course. Ten gold per night, how long do you plan to stay?” LAURA: Probably just tonight, because it’ll probably be here in the morning. MATT: “All right. That was Jester, right?” LAURA: Yes. MATT: “Very well, all right.” LAURA: Oh yes, here you go, thank you. MATT: “Thank you, and here is the key to your room.” LAURA: Oh, thank you! MATT: “Second floor, third door on the left, it should be number 12.” LAURA: 12, that’s my favorite number! MATT: “So sorry I couldn’t be of help with you.” LAURA: Okay. I go upstairs. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I sit down. MATT: You get into your room. The door opens, it’s a beautiful small room, but well decorated and a nice queen-size canopy bed and a dresser with a mirror, a chair, a little– SAM: Mini-fridge. TALIESIN: Wet bar. LAURA: Right? Hmm. Traveler? Are you here? Shit. Okay. I don’t know where I’m staying tonight, Traveler, I might be here, I might be with my friends, but– Okay, I’ll see you soon, okay! And I run back out of the room. MATT: You turn and in the hallway to where you entered, you see a familiar cloak of deep green, hooded. LAURA: (gasps) Hi! MATT: The cloak nods down towards you and the voice slowly cascades out from underneath, “I’m so sorry she’s not aware that you’re here now, but you’re with friends.” LAURA: Okay. Do you think you could help me, though? MATT: “Child, I think I help you quite a bit already.” LAURA: I know. You do. MATT: “What do you need?” LAURA: I don’t know how to let her know– I don’t know what to do. MATT: He leans forward and the hand reaches out and takes your chin a little bit and holds it there. There in the dark space of the hood, you can see the familiar verdant irises looking back and the warmth fills you once more, the comfort that kept you comfortable so many years alone in that room. “I think the more deeds you do, the more lives you change, the more confident brats you break– She’ll find you.” LAURA: Okay. I pull out the pamphlet. Look what I made for you! MATT: The hand pulls back and takes the pamphlet. “Hmm. Adorable.” LAURA: People are going to worship you like crazy. MATT: “You know what to do, then?” LAURA: Yes! Okay. I missed you. MATT: “I’m never far.” LAURA: (high-pitched) All right, I’m going to walk, if you want to follow me, I’m going to go over here then. MATT: As you look down at the pamphlet and look up to say that, he’s gone. You hear this faint little (chuckles). LAURA: I skip away. TRAVIS: Skip away? LAURA: I go back to the guard. Okay, I have a room here. I don’t know if you need to escort me anymore because I’m staying here at The Pillow Trove, but I’m going to go, okay? MATT: “Um, all right.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “You’re welcome.” LAURA: Hey, guard, what’s your name? MATT: “Reeve.” LAURA: Reeve, it’s so nice to meet you, I’m Jester. MATT: He had his hand out, looks like he’s expecting some sort of a tip– LAURA: And I shake it. MATT: “Oh, okay.” LAURA: Hey, so that guy that I hired to guard me, I gave him some money. What am I supposed to do, am I allowed to get him in here so he can actually do his job? MATT: “He’s not an interior guard. Based on his markings, it looks like he’s supposed to be at the perimeter.” LAURA: The guy that was all in his tattered coat and stuff? MATT: “Oh! I misunderstood.” LAURA: Yeah. MATT: “He’s not coming in.” LAURA: But I hired him to guard me, though. MATT: “I’m sorry, we have to maintain a certain kind of presentation here.” LAURA: All right. Okay. LIAM: Quickly, could I have asked around and found my way to the other entrance to this area by now? TRAVIS: Or to a Banana Republic, maybe? (laughter) LIAM: No, I have this. Super quick: a single question at the gate. MATT: Yeah, in this time you could have made your way around. LIAM: Ask around, find my way there. All right, so I walk up straight, looking like me. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Excuse me, may I have a word of your time– may I have a moment of your time? MATT: “Piss off.” LIAM: Listen to me, there is a store in here called Chastity’s Nook that sells dirty books. I have heard of it for months, and I am going to shop at this store, and if you want to make three gold– and if this one wants to make three gold– you will let me in there to shop for smut at the store. MATT: You watch as his face– His eyes go wide for a second and he goes, “You’re a fan of the Chastity Nook?” LIAM: I want to be. MATT: “You hear that?” LIAM: One, two, three. One, two, three, each of you. MARISHA: The guard’s a critter! MATT: “No!” ALL: Aww! MARISHA: Damn it! LAURA: You know, for six gold, you could buy yourself some real fancy clothes. MATT: “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, pay off a Crownsguard of the city of Zadash to let you, a lowlife from the skids of the town, in the most expensive and most well-guarded region of the city. I like my job, I like my head.” LIAM: Okay, enjoy working for the man. I walk off. TRAVIS: Yeah! Anarchy! TALIESIN: Boom! LIAM: Done. MATT: Jester? LAURA: I guess I go back to Caleb. MATT: Okay. You guys meet up on the outside of the district. LIAM: How was it? LAURA: It was really pretty in there. People are kind of stupid, but I did talk to the Traveler, so everything’s cool. Also, I don’t have any money. LIAM: That’s okay, I have a little bit of money, do you need some? LAURA: No, I mean I have– LIAM: I have about 50 gold, do you want me to give you some? LAURA: I mean, that’s about as much as I have now. It’s so stupid, though! LIAM: That’s a lot of money! LAURA: It’s not, Caleb. LIAM: It is! LAURA: It’s not! LIAM: That’s more money than my parents ever made in their entire life. LAURA: That’s what I made, like, every day for my allowance! LIAM: In full view of Jester, I reach into my pocket and take what’s left of the mud and just– Then I storm off towards our original shitty inn. LAURA: Caleb! I didn’t mean to make you put your shit on your face again. LIAM: I don’t hear that. MATT: As you guys jaunt off to catch up with the rest of the troop, meeting probably– because you guys would probably be heading back to The Leaky Tap. You manage to gather in the center of the common area. You see a freshly-muddied Caleb enter with a somewhat flustered, but smiling, Jester. TRAVIS: Hey– oh. MARISHA: Yeah! Hi– oh. TALIESIN: We’re clean, we’re relaxed, we’re ready to go into a sewer. TRAVIS: Fitting, absolutely fitting. ASHLEY: How did– didn’t you just–? SAM: This is his normal look– I think it’s very nice, actually. TALIESIN: I do, too. ASHLEY: I thought we took a– Hey, I am not a person to judge. I know I don’t look– It’s fine. Where are we going again? LIAM: I like you. Do you want to hang with us for a while? ASHLEY: I don’t know. LIAM: Oh, this day is great! TRAVIS: We’ll take it. ASHLEY: Well, let’s go kill something, yeah? TRAVIS: We’re going to the outer wall of the Tri-Spire. MARISHA: What time is it? MATT: By now, I’d say it’s probably closer to three in the afternoon– LIAM: It’s beast killing time! MARISHA: Oh, it’s beast killing time, yeah! TALIESIN: It’s time to eat some roast beast. TRAVIS: Maybe a late lunch, carb up, and then let’s fucking– MARISHA: Yeah! TALIESIN: Let’s carb up. ASHLEY: Pot roast beast? LAURA: Guess what, Molly. TALIESIN: Hm? LAURA: I got a room at The Pillow Trove. TALIESIN: Why would you get a room at The Pillow Trove? LAURA: Well, because my package didn’t come, so I thought that maybe if I got a room there, then I can check in in the morning as well, maybe? TALIESIN: Oh, that’s very clever, actually. Well done. Are you still expecting your package? LAURA: Yeah, it’s been not enough time, I don’t think. TALIESIN: Sometimes I expect things to show up and then they don’t. It can be very disappointing, but it’s all right. I’m sure it’ll show up. LAURA: It’ll show up, of course it will. TALIESIN: Not that it matters if it doesn’t. ASHLEY: The trick is to not expect anything in life. TALIESIN: I didn’t expect you to say that. LIAM: That’s good advice. ASHLEY: Then you’ll never be disappointed, you know? TALIESIN: That’s very true. MARISHA: Yeah, here’s to abandoning expectations! TRAVIS: Abandoning expectations! SAM: Where did we get these drinks? (laughter) ASHLEY: On the way home from the airport! MATT: Taking a little bit of liquid courage as you muster your weaponry and gather your way to the direction to the entry of the sewer where the currently acquired mercenary contract had been taken. MARISHA: Before we enter, Beau says: Wait, should we have done research on what we’re fighting? SAM: Nah, we’ll be fine. MARISHA: All right, let’s go! (laughter) MATT: And that’s where we’ll pick up next week. (cheering) TRAVIS: Yasha! ALL: Yasha! LIAM: Send all of your complaints for not knowing what would happen in the porno shop to @matthewmercer. MATT: Sorry, man! LAURA: You just got to get some fancy clothes, man! TALIESIN: I was just waiting for the drop to look at the shoes and you look back and yep, no, those shoes don’t get in here. TRAVIS: We got to figure out how to get rid of the Disguise Self blockage, that’s a big– What caused that? SAM: We can go over the wall, around the wall, under the wall– TRAVIS: Plus, there are sewers. LIAM: The place is crawling with– MARISHA: If it’s a vicinity thing– SAM: We will get you porn, Liam. We will get you porn. TRAVIS: Smut you shall have! MARISHA: I agree, I think you just need a nice coat. LIAM: Got to get to that shop, man. MARISHA: A nice coat can get you porn. MATT: Please continue to try! Not every means to an end is the easiest and most straightforward, man. TALIESIN: When I was young, we would stack three up and put on a coat. MATT: I want this to be an Ocean’s Eleven-style, like three episode mini-arc to get into the smut shop, that’s what I want. (laughter) LIAM: Got reasons. MATT: Thank you guys so much for watching. Those I’ll see in Kentucky, I’ll see you soon. Oh, boy. MARISHA: Take care of my boy, home-state. Be good to him. MATT: Be back next week, with Ashley. ALL: Yay! MATT: Excited to have you home for a little longer. ASHLEY: Yeah! Just a little bit. MATT: I missed you. There was something else I was supposed to talk about. SAM: Yes, you were supposed to say something about giveaways or something. MATT: No, I already commented on the giveaway. What was it? SAM: What were you supposed to say? MATT: Where’d Lockey go? He was supposed to remind me of something. MATT: Anyway. I’ll put it on Twitter if I remember what it was. Anyway, love you guys, take care of yourselves, we’ll see you next week, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. LIAM: It still is! MATT: We had a bathhouse episode! [music] MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. First off, for those of you that are watching the awesome art sizzle, we are excited, We finally got the opportunity to get our fantastic fan song, ‘Welcome to Wildemount’, by Colm McGuinness, one of the Critter community and a very talented musician who made that piece. We’ve been trying to find a way to incorporate it since he put it up, so we’re excited to have that as a lead-in of hype for the week, so thank you so much, Colm, for being amazing. You should check out his stuff. What are you– Are you kidnapping somebody over there? SAM: Don’t mind me! (laughter) MATT: Before we get into the game real fast, let’s go over some announcements. First off, tonight we have dual sponsors. First, we have our fantastic returning partners in crime for this campaign, D&D Beyond. (cheering) SAM: This week, guys, D&D Beyond is offering up another discount code for 24– no, I read that wrong! 25% off any single purchase in the D&D Beyond marketplace. Use code “InvisibleWand,” not case-sensitive, at check-out to receive the discount. I’ve done a lot of things to promote D&D Beyond and all of our sponsors. I’ve done poetry. I’ve done opera. I’ve sung songs. But there’s one art form that I haven’t explored… and that’s dance. MARISHA: Yes! SAM: So tonight I will be performing, with my invisible wand, a ballet that I wrote to honor D&D Beyond. I may need a camera person. (laughter) SAM: Ready? Maestro, please hit it. [Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy plays] (laughter) SAM: (singing, VO) D&D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D&D Beyond, D&D Beyond, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D&D Beyond, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D&D Beyond, D&D Beyond! (cheering) TRAVIS: That’s something. MATT: I wasn’t prepared for that. SAM: Some things just have to be expressed with the human body. MATT: Of course. LIAM: Every time you open your mouth that wide, an entire new universe is born. (laughter) MATT: Wow. So thank you, D&D Beyond, for facilitating that for us and all the good of the internet. TRAVIS: What would you do every week without sponsorships? You would explode. SAM: I would do this at home. MATT: He needs an outlet. It’s good. It’s healthy for him. Our second sponsor tonight is the upcoming game– maybe you played the franchise before, but we have the Far Cry 5 game, coming up soon. Liam, if you want to talk about that a little further. LIAM: Oh man, Vax'ildan Vessar here from the afterlife. You know, most of the time, I sit here in a big black room wondering where the fuck I am or what’s going to happen next. Probably nothing. But once in a while, the Raven Queen hands me a sheet of paper to help promote projects, and this week it is Far Cry 5. (clears throat) I got this four minutes ago. Far Cry 5 is available on March 27th on PS4, Xbox One, and PC. Go to farcry.com– we don’t have any computers here– to learn more and pick up a copy. The latest installment of Far Cry is set in fictional Hope County, Montana, where a fanatical doomsday cult known as the Project at Eden’s Gate has taken control. You are the hero of the story in a thrilling world that hits back with every punch and where the places you discover and the locals you ally with will shape your story in ways you’ll never see coming. Also, in celebration of the upcoming release, Nerdist’s Dan Casey, Kyle Hill, and Geek & Sundry’s own Erika Ishii are filming a special Far Cry 5 training video where they took on challenges players will face in-game. MARISHA: Oh, that’s cool! LIAM: Shooting, car drifting, dog training and more. Go to nerdist.com or youtube.com/nerdist to check it out and tell them Critical Role sent you. Send me some comic books because I’m really bored here. MATT: Thank you, Liam. TRAVIS: As a player of Far Cry 4, it was amazing. I have higher expectations for 5. LIAM: The story looks dark. TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s real good. ATVs, baby! Sorry. MATT: Thank you. And thank you, Far Cry 5, for sponsoring tonight’s game. All right, so, next bit. A reminder for Twitch Prime. If you guys have Amazon Prime, you can easily subscribe to any Twitch channel that you want to for free, once each month. You connect your Twitch and your Amazon accounts together and you can do it with the click of a button, so check it out. If you want to see all the VODs on this channel or any other channel on Twitch that you enjoy, that is a really easy and inexpensive way of doing so. Last week’s episode of Critical Role is available today in podcast form, so if you have friends who want to listen audio-wise, those are available where all fine podcasts are downloadable. Talks Machina, next Tuesday evening, about tonight’s episode, will be at 7:00pm Pacific, where it always is. For those of you who aren’t in the weird backwards world of Daylight Savings Time, you may have to check what time that is, but you probably know that now because of what tonight’s episode is. Anyway, 7:00pm Pacific American. Our fantastic host, Brian W. Foster, will be talking– (cheering) MARISHA: He did it! Nothing. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: I literally brainfarted once and it’s like I’ve always ruined it. LAURA: No, it’s been more than once. TRAVIS: But good friends never let you forget, Matt. MATT: It’s true. LIAM: That is true. Very true. MATT: So check it out next Tuesday. WonderCon coming up. We have a Talks Machina Critical Role panel on Sunday, March 25th at 11:30am in the Arena. So if you guys are in the vicinity and planning to attend WonderCon, please come join us for the panel. We all shall be ridiculous as usual and I don’t know if Sam will be up for bringing his box-crotch onesie from Gen Con last year. LAURA: Maybe you can do an interpretive dance there as well? SAM: Sure. TALIESIN: Or turn it into an octagon. LIAM: Yeah, or a higher faced die. Like an eight-sider or a 12-sider. MATT: That’s true. SAM: Let’s really push the envelope of dick jokes. LAURA: There is no end to dick jokes. MATT: This is true. So hopefully we’ll see some of you guys there. C2E2 in Chicago also, which is having a– We have panels and signings held April 7th and April 8th. You can get your tickets at C2E2.com and we’re excited to see you guys there. I met a bunch of great “Cwitters”– Critters– Some great “Cwitters” this past weekend in Lexington, Kentucky. You guys were amazing. It was such a great time to interface with all of you, for those of you who were able to come. Thank you so much for being patient. I know it was a wait for a lot of you. It was a joy for me and I hope it was a joy for you. A lot of you were saying you were coming to Chicago as well, so I look forward to seeing you there. Let’s see. Once again, 826LA is a fantastic charity that we promote and push for this. They do great work with after-school classes in creative writing for underprivileged teens and children. If you have the opportunity, look into it and see if you can provide any sort of funds to what they do or go ahead and give some time to them. Teach and be part of that wonderful environment. They’re amazing. I highly recommend you check them out if you haven’t yet. MARISHA: Taliesin, didn’t you say you ran into a Critter who went and started to do D&D? TALIESIN: I did. He’s starting to do stuff down there. MARISHA: I love that. So thank you. TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Yeah. TALIESIN: He was enthusiastic. I’m excited. It’s good stuff. MARISHA: If he can do it, you can too! MATT: I believe we have some new merch? (excited noises) LAURA: And look how cute it looks under overalls. MARISHA: So cute! LAURA: Those are in the store right now! As well as our new CR logo shirt, which nobody is wearing. SAM: Oh! I need one. I need a large. LAURA: Okay. I’ll get one for you. SAM: Should I get one in the store? Are they available? LAURA: At GeekandSundry.com! The shop! There it is! ASHLEY: I love that color! LIAM: It is executive! LAURA: Yeah, it is. It’s like the sophisticated version. Yeah. We have some dice as well as lots of other merch, so check it out. ASHLEY: Let’s have cruises soon. TRAVIS: Yeah. Let’s get our own Sea Org and we’ll give out ranks. MATT: No! Nothing like Sea Org, please! LIAM: We’re just getting over being sick! No cruises! MATT: Well, anybody have anything else they want to say or shall we dive in? TRAVIS: I like Girl Scout cookies. MATT: All right. And on that note, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And wel– (laughter) ASHLEY: I was going to say it, but I thought it was– I’m out of practice! MATT: For those who are unaware, Ashley just full-on ripcorded out of halfway-a-phrase and it was beautiful. It was adorable. MARISHA: It could have been so many things. MATT: So– ASHLEY: I’ll get better at it again. Give me a minute. MATT: It’s all good. So, last we left off, the Mighty Nein have been making their rounds in the city of Zadash, seeking opportunities, information, getting their bearings amongst the various townsfolk, streets, and what goings-on there are. Getting updates from town criers wandering through the roads, speaking with individuals, going into bathhouses where you met up with your fantastic long-lost barbarian. Yasha coming in to join alongside you guys in your exploits. You managed to converse with a meeting, or at least Beau and Fjord met with a meeting of unhappy denizens of the Empire discussing their frustrations beneath the Leaky Tap, and had crossed some information with them. You had gone and made some purchases. You had sold off a few of the things you had acquired in your journeys northward along the Amber Road. You had decided to, looking for work, go to the King’s Hall, where they had a task board there and had taken one of the contracts that had been posted. You would be paid to seek the sewers beneath the city, near the outskirts of the Tri-Spire area of the town, for something that had been lurking within those tunnels below. A couple of guards had not returned; one had gone there and fled. You were promised a sum of money, should you be able to exterminate whatever this entity is and bring back proof of its demise. You jauntily accepted this. Before this happened, as a part of a journey towards this Tri-Spire, both Caleb and Jester made their way there, Caleb unsuccessfully entering a nicer district of the city that did not seem to believe or respect his presentation. Jester did so. She got a room at one of the hoity-toity inns in the district and was led to some mild disappointments. Where we left off, the two of you had reconvened and begun making your way back to meet up with the rest of your friends at the Leaky Tap tavern. Probably at a brief distance from each other as Caleb has huffed off, in a bit of frustration. Eventually, Caleb, you make your way to the familiar outside of the Leaky Tap. You enter, the fresh mud now a little bit less fresh and dried against your face, into the interior. At this point, it’s mid-afternoon, there’s maybe about, let’s say, nine patrons in there, and a number of your friends who have been waiting for the two of you to return that are all sitting around a table and discussing amongst themselves. The rest of you guys look across and watch Caleb enter, and then a few moments after, Jester enters as well. LAURA: Oh, hi. TRAVIS: How’d you do? MARISHA: Big money? LAURA: No. Not so much. Not a lot of money. TRAVIS: Lots of gifts, then? LAURA: No. MARISHA: Jewels? LAURA: No. Nothing really. But I saw the Traveler, so that’s good news, everyone. He’s still around, he’s here. He’s probably hanging out with us right now. TRAVIS: He’s in Zadash? Like, staying here? LAURA: Yes. Well, probably, yes. TRAVIS: Isn’t that hard since he’s not technically recognized? SAM: Should you be talking about him out in the open like that? LAURA: Well, not a lot of people know who he is yet, so really, no, I don’t think I’ll get in trouble. SAM: He’s a new god? LAURA: Well, I don’t know if he’s new, but he is just not well-known, especially here. I’m sure where he’s from everybody knows him because he’s really cool, so I bet a lot of people are like, “Oh my god, I love you!” TRAVIS: He plays lots of local clubs. Yeah. LAURA: Yes, basically. TRAVIS: Up and coming. Enjoying a resurgence. MARISHA: And you’re sure he’s a god? LAURA: Yeah! Yeah, he’s really cool. He’s so powerful. You guys should really see what he can do, because it’s amazing. SAM: Give us a hint. LAURA: Well, he can do lots of magic, and he can appear out of nowhere. That’s cool. SAM: That is cool! TRAVIS: Were you with anyone when he showed up? LAURA: No. TRAVIS: Do you think he’d want to meet us? Or introduce us, maybe? LAURA: I can ask him! Yeah! MARISHA: Yeah. I’m really interested in a god that kicks it with people. TRAVIS and LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: I’ve never heard of that. LAURA: Well, Traveler, you heard it yourself! If you like everyone here, you can just show up anytime! TRAVIS: Perception check. MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: First one! That’s an 11. MATT: 11? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: You look around the room and nothing seems to apparate. The clientele all seem disinterested with your presence. There’s nothing that would belie any arrival of an entity she spoke of. TRAVIS: (whispering) I don’t think he’s here. LAURA: Well, it’s possible he’s just invisible right now. He does that sometimes. TRAVIS: That is problematic. TALIESIN: Incognito. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: I mean, it is not totally unheard of. The legends in history are full of stories of the gods dabbling with mortals. I don’t know what happened for you today, but– it is not common, but it does happen. LAURA: Yeah, it happens. TRAVIS: Well. ASHLEY: He shows up to you as a man? Or how does that work? LAURA: Yeah! You know, he’s just this guy. I don’t know exactly what he looks like, because he’s got this hood. TRAVIS: A hood? LAURA: I imagine that he’s really handsome. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: I think he’s really cute. He sounds really cute. He can probably hear me right now. I’m so embarrassed! (laughter) LIAM: Hello, guy. LAURA: Right? Maybe he’ll start talking to you too! MARISHA: Maybe Molly can do a seance and he’ll come out! LAURA: Oh, well he might get– you know what? He might think that’s really fun. That could be fun. TALIESIN: I don’t normally speak with the dead on a first date, but we’ll think about it. TRAVIS: Yasha, do you have any kind of communication with your– ASHLEY: I mean, I certainly don’t see him in the flesh, so no. SAM: But do you talk to him? ASHLEY: Yes, of course. MARISHA: Does he talk back? ASHLEY: Not exactly. LAURA: Maybe you have to get somewhere really quiet, because the first time I heard the Traveler it was super duper quiet. ASHLEY: That’s a good idea, actually. That’s a good idea. LAURA: Fjord, can I ask you a question? TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: Do you remember how long it took us to get from Port Damali to the border into– TRAVIS: I don’t think it was more than a few days. I don’t recall exactly. Do I recall exactly? MATT: You do. From Port Damali to the southern gates of the Empire and the Wuyun Gorge, on foot– which you guys were traveling on foot– it took you about the better part of two weeks. You passed through Nicodranas– or you didn’t pass through Nicodranas, but you went through along the road and skirted along the side. You took the road pretty much straight there, but it was quite a bit of travel on foot to get there. TRAVIS: By a few days, I mean a couple weeks. I think that’s more of an appropriate estimation. LAURA: So wait. If I sent a message from Alfield, then– or, wait. Where were we when I sent that message? SAM: You were in Alfield. LAURA: Then would it have got to Nicodranas and to Zadash by now? TRAVIS: Oh yeah, Jester, that’s got to take a while to get there and back. LIAM: It would take quite a while longer. I think it’s too early for you to have checked today. MARISHA: We were in Alfield because that was also when I stole the mail. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Also, sometimes people steal your mail. You can get robbed on the road. MATT: No, I believe it was Trostenwald. LAURA: No, I just had an itch– you have a little dirt on your face, but other than that. LIAM: Shit happens. LAURA: So maybe that’s what it is, that’s why. TRAVIS: Of course. Now, is she supposed to send you stuff here? LAURA: She was going to send it to The Pillow Trove. TRAVIS: We’ll have to hang out until it shows up, then. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: It seems like it’s harder to get over to the Pillow Trove, maybe you could have them forward your mail to here or something like that. LAURA: It would be a pretty expensive package, so I feel like– maybe I could do that. SAM: Or if we had some sort of a P.O. box. LAURA: I don’t know what it is, but I’ll look into that. I have a room there tonight, you guys. MARISHA: Room party! LAURA: The thing is that apparently it’s not easy to get into that district. LIAM: I was not able to accompany her to the Pillow Trove. SAM and MARISHA: Why not? LIAM: Because I am shabby. TRAVIS: You’re shabby? TALIESIN: That is fair, you are shabby. LIAM: Shabbily dressed. LAURA: Shabby chic. SAM: We need to get you some nicer clothes, then. LIAM: You know, I was thinking on the walk back here that I would probably like to get a cloak of some kind. MARISHA: You could also get a new jacket and new pants. LIAM: I know where everything is in every pocket of this coat. It has been with me through a lot. What? LAURA: Maybe we can go somewhere and they will make a coat exactly like that coat with all the same pockets, only it won’t have the holes in it. MARISHA: How long could it take you to memorize pockets on a coat? That’s like 20 minutes. LIAM: I will probably just get a cloak. LAURA: Yeah, that’s probably good too. ASHLEY: Should we get you a rag as well? Just to have on hand like a hanky. So you don’t have to do a full bath, you could just do a quick– LIAM: I’m not bothered. It seems like maybe– SAM and TALIESIN: I’m not bothered. ASHLEY: I’m definitely not bothered. TRAVIS: Yasha makes a good point, though. Just in case a simple wipe-down was enough to gain you entry. LIAM: You know, water is not very hard to come by, so I can– LAURA: Or we just keep going to visit that guy who made you clean. Every day we could go see him, and then he makes us all clean! MARISHA: You could really just get a new coat. TALIESIN: Does feel like a terrible abuse of hospitality. LAURA: What, to use his power like that? I want to ask The Traveler if he knows how to do that, because I wonder if he could make me do that. TALIESIN: Is the Traveler the only god you’ve ever seen, or have you seen other gods, out of curiosity? LAURA: No, I’ve only seen that guy. TALIESIN: So this is the one that decided to make itself presentable to you? LAURA: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: She does see hamster unicorns. Are they gods? LAURA: No, they’re just unicorns. SAM: We’ve been sitting drinking, right? TALIESIN: I’ve been drinking. SAM: We’ve been plotting our next moves. TRAVIS: We’ve got to tackle this job at some point. LAURA: We’ve got to get to that sewer, you guys! TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s a sewer nexus with a beast with webs. MARISHA: So we’re not having this room party? TALIESIN: We’re having the room party after the sewers. TRAVIS: Yeah, because we’ll have bank and then we can get room service and shit. LAURA: But we’ll have to get clean or else we won’t get in there. TALIESIN: I want to defile a very expensive shower. LIAM: That’s what I’m saying, is the sewer first because you are all going to be dirty like me. TALIESIN: And somebody else’s hotel room will get us clean. ASHLEY: If you’re renting a room there, maybe they have to let us in. MARISHA: You also have to get in in order to rent the room. LAURA: I think they only have to let me in, technically. TRAVIS: Did they give you a hall pass or something? LAURA: I have this key. It says Pillow Trove on it. TRAVIS: Is it just a key or is there a thing that dangles from it, something we could mimic and make more of? MATT: It’s a very intricate key. It feels like a dense iron, but it’s been gold leafed, or coated in some sort of reflective gold-like metal. It’s very well made. It has little scrawlings on it, almost like a spiral in the center. The key itself– TRAVIS: Jester, can I see it real fast? MATT: –is probably worth a silver in its own right. LAURA: Oh yeah, Beau has it right now. TRAVIS: Oh. Thank you. I take a real good look at it in case I want to fucking Minor Illusion that shit later. MATT: Okay. Good to know. LIAM: Also, I don’t think that’s the main issue. They’re very strict at the gate for who gets in, and some of us might not have a problem, but more than one of us might. MARISHA: Caleb, why are you so hung up on just changing clothes for, like, ten minutes, just to get through the door? LIAM: It seems more like you are hung up on it than I am. TALIESIN: Let a man be eccentric. MARISHA: I’m just saying, you want in, dress for what you want. LIAM: That’s why I want to pay for a cloak. SAM: This is your jam? TALIESIN: I’m a real fan of this one. TRAVIS: It gets real turnt up when this here starts playing. MATT: You turn back at the three-piece half-elven band that are moseying their way through the afternoon lazily. They’re whispering and chatting amongst each other and ribbing each other with their elbows between things, half-paying attention to the music, but it’s nice enough to keep atmosphere. TALIESIN: I’m tossing a silver over, just for that. TRAVIS: A silver?! TALIESIN: Yeah. TRAVIS: Fucking start small, man. TALIESIN: Don’t tell me how to spend my money. MATT: As the coin clinks and rolls about two feet off, the gentleman standing with this double set of drums that lays over a leather strap on him– you can see he’s got the shaved sides of his head, this young half-elven boy– immediately sees that, stops drumming, grabs the coin, gives you a nod, and goes right back into the song. You watch as the other performers all of a sudden immediately look to you and they’re all like– TRAVIS: Now the beat’s all off. TALIESIN: What you’re hearing is the happiness of a performer. LIAM: Are we going to– (laughter) MATT: So he’s Steve Martin in The Jerk, yeah. (laughter) TALIESIN: Fuck you, Birdman. (laughter) LIAM: Two things; one, Fjord, will you pass me these cookies over here? TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: Thank you. Second of all, are we going to try to tackle this sewer this evening, or is this something that we’re going to do tomorrow? SAM: What time is it? MATT: Later afternoon. TRAVIS: I’ve been looking at some of the folks around here. I think they’re over-exaggerating the importance of this beast. LIAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: Yeah, I think we should at least go down there and take a look. LIAM: Oh, I’m not opposed to going down there, I just mean are we waiting until cover of night or are we doing this– TRAVIS: Nah. I don’t think so. I’m not a super fan of the sewer during the day. I figure I’ll like it even less at night. MARISHA: Well, why don’t we at least go and talk to that guard that came back? Try and track him down, maybe get a little bit of insight. TRAVIS: Ooh, yeah. Do we know where that guy is? MARISHA: Do we know where that guy is? MATT: Which guy? TRAVIS: The guy that came running back. MARISHA: Oh, or was there a guy that came back? TRAVIS: That Voloshin said that one of them ran back from the task. MATT: Yeah, you don’t know anything. You can go back and try and ask for information on that, but you haven’t met him or know anything. TALIESIN: I know one thing that’s a photosensitive thing. If we need to make a fast escape I’d rather have some light maybe, if it’s something like that. TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: Daytime’s better for that. Different environment. TRAVIS: Good thinking. LAURA: So is it better to go now or tomorrow morning? TALIESIN: I don’t know. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Now. TRAVIS: How long does it take to get over to the Tri-Spire area, find us a manhole? MATT: From where you are now, it’d take you maybe the better part of 45 minutes, better part of an hour. TRAVIS: Is it early afternoon or late afternoon? LAURA: Late afternoon, you said? MATT: It’s late afternoon. You’re probably about an hour and a half, two hours from sundown. TRAVIS: We’ll be fine. TALIESIN: I say we do it. TRAVIS: Yeah, why not? MARISHA: I mean, it will be dark after that. TALIESIN: I’m buzzed, and if I have another drink I’m going to be more than buzzed. MARISHA: Oh yeah, let’s drink and fight. That’s a good idea. TRAVIS: We’re definitely going now. TALIESIN: I’m right where I want to be. I want a 45-minute walk to get there. TRAVIS: Hey, let’s do it. You’ll walk your buzz off. MARISHA: Let’s maybe stock up on some torches on the way there. Nah, we don’t need torches, do we? LIAM: No. MARISHA: Not anymore. LIAM: No. TRAVIS: Not with your nerd goggles. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Do keep in mind, and this is my fault too for not keeping track of it, but even with darkvision, you’re still seeing pretty low light. Long-distance perception checks without light, you’re still at disadvantage on them. I’ve been bad about keeping track of that. LIAM: You’ve been bad. TALIESIN: We have a light spell, though, don’t we? LIAM: Yeah, that’s also dim light though as well. It’s not super bright. Unless I– TALIESIN: I must have a torch or something. MARISHA: I have one in my adventurer’s kit. LAURA: You have an adventurer’s kit? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I have a tinder box. MATT: So you can turn things into torches. TALIESIN: I have a hooded lantern. ASHLEY: I have a tinder box too. I have a torch! MATT: (laughs) Everyone looks at their equipment suddenly! LIAM: This game is amazing! TALIESIN: I have all this stuff in this bag I never opened. MATT: Well, all righty. What’s the plan? LAURA: Oh, I have an axe now! MATT: You do. You have a handaxe. TALIESIN: You’ve got a handaxe. LAURA: Yay! TALIESIN: Have you equipped it? LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: Yeah, look at that. Oh, wow. TRAVIS: How about we casually make our way over, and as we’re doing that we can keep an eye out for kingsguard and see if they know of this guy? MARISHA: Copy. MATT: Are you guys making your way towards that direction? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: I would like to keep my eye out for a decent clothing shop. MATT: Okay, fair enough. Make an investigation check for you as you guys travel and traverse the city. LIAM: That is 11. MATT: Yeah, along the way and keeping an eye out, asking a couple questions here and there, you eventually find a very basic clothingwears company. Nothing fancy, but just utility. Pants, worker’s shirts, gloves, and cloaks are available. So if you want to buy a cloak, you can do that. LIAM: I would like to get something that is brown, muted, nothing gaudy. Probably don’t have that anyway. MATT: Not in this one, no. Your choices are pretty much brown, black, and gray, so you’re good. LIAM: I’ll take the brown one. Yeah. MATT: You’re good on that one. I do not recall if they had any pricing put down for cloaks. LIAM: It’s 50 gold. MATT: 600 gold pieces, please. Eh, it falls under what would be general common clothes, so I’ll put the cloak cost at two silver. LIAM: Okay. I have that. TALIESIN: A poor man could buy half a cloak. Half a cloak between them. TRAVIS: One of those shitty dueling shawls that they throw off? MATT: Exactly. TALIESIN: I love it. SAM: Actually, what season is it? Are we north? Is it going to get cold? LAURA: It’s cold. MATT: The further north you go, yeah. This particular area is pretty chilly, especially since you’re getting towards the end of fall. It’s almost Harvest Close in two weeks. You guys are hitting winter in the very near future. You would know this, too, that snowfall is fairly common throughout the winter here. SAM: Can you pick me up earmuffs? LIAM: Of course I can do that. I ask for the largest size they have and I get a woolen cap as well. MATT: For both of those together? One silver piece. LIAM: Yeah, okay. I have that. ASHLEY: Are you going to take your ears and roll them? SAM: That sounds amazing. I will do that. TRAVIS: Warren T. Rat in American Tail. MARISHA: Two sponge rollers. MATT: Perfect. Following that, the task board contract that you recovered and was assigned to you by the Herald of the Hall contains both the Writ of Lawmaster Intent, which is what will give you approval to travel into the sewer without being harried by the Crownsguard, and also gives you the location of the sewer that leads you there. Following the basic instructions and asking around, you eventually find yourselves at the corner of Ruen Road and Dewmist. LIAM: Ruin? MATT: Yeah. R-U-E-N. As you approach this intersection, largely still cobblestone, a few that are missing and the dust has sift pockets to make it soft. The sky is still light, but you can see the sun just beginning to crest past the near walls, and familiar to the two of you, you guys are maybe two blocks away from the outer wall of the Tri-Spires. LAURA: Hey guys, we’re about two blocks away from the outer wall. We’re super close. MARISHA: All right. MATT: At the intersection, there are two crownsguard that are stationed there that are keeping eyes and watching around. Off to the eastern side of that intersection, behind one of the poles that contain the lanterns that are lit at night, you can see the cover that leads into the sewer below. It’s less of a sewer or manhole cover, but there’s an open drain, and a latch and a small metal pole that prevents anyone from going into it. LIAM: Are there any clowns in it? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: That is a– why I’m looking it up– a ten. MATT: “You don’t see anything dangerous, Georgie.” TRAVIS: Oh, Jesus. Please no. MATT: As you begin to spend time staring through the grate and start deciding how to get into there, one of the Crownsguard stationed walks up and approaches quickly and goes, “Excuse me, can I “ask you what you’re doing here?” MARISHA: Oh, good! They came to us. TRAVIS: Yeah, this is your opportunity to shine. Get ‘em. MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: Explain what we’re doing. MARISHA: All right, here’s what we’re doing. We got this whole writ thing from the Lawmaster. We’re going to go down, kill the monster that’s been tormenting you guys. Heard you lost a few guards. Heard any rumors? Do you know anything, before we go down there and maybe die? MATT: “I’ve heard a few things. It’s a–” MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: “Apparently there’s something down there that’s been real scary and–” MARISHA: Come on, man. MATT: “I’m not fucking going down there. You kidding me?” MARISHA: I’m not– why– MATT: “I only know what I’ve heard!” MARISHA: Did I ever ask you to come with us? I just asked for rumors, man. MATT: “No, I can open the grate.” MARISHA: Don’t put words in my mouth! MATT: “I wasn’t meaning to put words in–” MARISHA: Open the– What did you hear? MATT: He scratches his head over his helmet and doesn’t realize he’s not getting to the itch. MARISHA: Stop with the nervous tics. Stop. MATT: “All I know is that apparently they lost a couple of guys down there and–” MARISHA: I know that. MATT: “One of them was pissing himself and ran.” MARISHA: That’s still not information on the monster. MATT: “Well, be my guest.” He pulls a key off of a ring and goes down to the latch on the metal bar that blocks off the entry and pulls it open. LAURA: What guard was it that ran away? MATT: “I don’t fucking know! There’s a lot of them around here!” ASHLEY: Do you know how they were killed? Did anybody see any wounds? MATT: “They never recovered the body.” TRAVIS: Oh. ASHLEY: They never recovered the body. LAURA: They’re probably eaten completely by now. MATT: “Well, you’re welcome to go down there and continue.” SAM: Are all the sewer grates blocked with a lock? MATT: “Yes, to prevent folks from wandering into them.” LAURA: Oh no, but how will we get out? MATT: “Well, I’m stationed here for the next several hours, so as long as you return–” SAM: To this one? MATT: “To this one. You’ll be fine.” LAURA: What if we get trapped at another one and then we can’t get out? MATT: “Well, start shouting. Keep that writ on hand and if there’s any crownsguard that hear you, "they’ll probably be able to let you out.” LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Seems reasonable enough. MARISHA: Is there a way to navigate the sewer systems? Any markings we should look out for? MATT: “I’m going to be honest, I haven’t been down there. It smells real bad.” TRAVIS: Do you know if the sewers flooded any time during the day? Any sort of unexpected water flows? MATT: “I don’t think so. We haven’t had any heavy rainfall. I haven’t been able to hear more than a "trickle down there for a number of weeks.” MARISHA: Nothing about what kind of monster it is? No darkness? Tentacles? Big teeth? LIAM: Any sounds going on in there? MATT: “Nothing I’ve heard, no.” TRAVIS: When people ask you who were those brave souls that ventured into sewer, you tell them The Mighty Nein. SAM and LAURA: (whistle and intone theme of The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly) MATT: “I understand. There’s seven of you.” SAM: Count again. LAURA: I move to the other side of Nott. LIAM: You have to think about it for a while. MATT: He looks genuinely overwhelmed by all the information and goes, “Good luck, and yell if you "need something.” (throat clearing) He pulls the rest of the bar open and you guys have this space, about a foot and a half. TRAVIS: Who’s first? ASHLEY: I go. TRAVIS: Yeah! Get in there, tank! MATT: Yasha, as you climb down, immediately it drops, and your foot finds a rung. There’s a metallic bar that acts as a ladder. As you begin to lower yourself down, you can look to your left and right, and what little bit of daylight is coming through helps fill out some of the interior. You can see what looks to be maybe 15 or so feet across, from side to side, 15 to 20 feet from this wall to the other, slick stones, a slight curvature that leads into a base where there is a small ditch or a basin where old liquid is trickling through. There is a mild decline heading away from the direction you are and a mild incline heading in the direction of the Tri-Spires. The smell is not pleasant, but you’re a tough chick, it’s never been an issue. So you get yourself down, and it’s no more than ten feet to climb to the base of this at the moment. You see from this spot where you’ve climbed down, the ceiling drops low to about ten or so feet. You’re probably about 15 or 20 feet below the surface now. ASHLEY: I’ll take out my torch. I’ll light my torch once I get down there. MATT: Your torch lights and the bright space begins to open up from side to side. LAURA: (yells) Do you see any monsters down there? ASHLEY: I look around. (yells back) Everything looks good! MATT: Make a perception check. ASHLEY: Oh. (laughter) MATT: Spoke too soon. ASHLEY: I forgot how to play D&D! Everything looks good! (screams) Uh-oh! LIAM: The boulder from Raiders. TRAVIS: Yasha? ASHLEY: Eight! Like I said, everything looks good! LIAM: Do you want Nott down there? It’s what you do. You’re very good. ASHLEY: Yeah, come on down, Nott. SAM: Before I go, can I borrow that ring of water walking? LAURA: Oh, sure. Wait, which one was it? SAM: Not that one, that one, or that one. I know what those are. LAURA: What about this one? SAM: Yeah. That’s it. (laughter) SAM: I don’t know if you have to attune to it, but I’m going. LAURA: You don’t. MATT: Yeah, you don’t have to. SAM: All right, I’ll go down there with Yasha. MATT. You climb down and join Yasha there. You can see the slight decline behind you as it progresses away from the direction of where this current seems to have happened. Once again, the smell is stagnant, a combination of waste product and whatever else has rotted and congealed down there. That smell of bacteria-filled liquid and water. Continuing upward, it curves a little bit to the right and out of sight with a faint bit of torchlight that bounces off the slick wall. There is a weird humid warmness to the air down here. It’s not extremely pleasant. You don’t see anything else in here other than what look to be clusters of waste combined with sticks and whatever else has washed down here through previous storms and has begun to build up blockages here and there, maybe a foot, two feet across. SAM: Are we going to keep going? Or should we get the– ASHLEY: We can wait until everybody gets down. LAURA: Can we come down? SAM: It’s fine! Just come down. TALIESIN: Coming down. ASHLEY: I keep looking. Keeping watch. Listening. MATT: You all eventually down into the sewer grate and then you hear the (metal scraping) (click) and the metal bar up top is closed. LAURA: He locked us in! TRAVIS: No, he just closed it, Jester. SAM: It’s a trap, we’re all going to die. ASHLEY: We won’t die. TRAVIS: What do we think? Go up or down? Up, right? LAURA: I think a monster would be down. SAM: Monsters are down. MARISHA: Can I do a look around to see if there are any types of street marking for the sewers? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: I put the glove of blasting on my left hand. MARISHA: Natural 18. 22, I believe. 22. MATT: Looking at right near the base of where the rungs are, it looks like there are arrows that point each direction. The arrow to the right, which leads upward, splits into three additional arrows. MARISHA: So one, two, three type of a thing. What about the arrow to the left? MATT: It’s just a continuous arrow. TRAVIS: What the fuck did you just draw? MARISHA: This arrow splits into three arrows and then– and it’s a penis. TRAVIS: If you ever make a road sign, people are fucked. That is– LIAM: That’s a Nintendo controller. TRAVIS: Yep. That’s some old fucking Street Fighter combo shit. TALIESIN: Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. MARISHA: Right, yeah. Also, there’s got to be an A and B around here. All right, I guess there are more options this way or down deeper. TALIESIN: South. MARISHA: I mean, it is a sewer system. TRAVIS: You really want to go south? You two? TALIESIN: Always down. ASHLEY: Well, I feel like if you were a monster, you would go– LIAM: Go further away from people. TRAVIS: I like that logic. MARISHA: Or it could just be the main drainage out of the city. TALIESIN: That’s fair. TRAVIS: Bobby Tarantino territory. Let’s do it. Let’s go south. MARISHA: All right. LAURA: I feel like we’re walking in a stinky crotch. Why?! TRAVIS: Asshole. (laughter) LAURA: The Traveler! LIAM and ASHLEY: No! LIAM: Everything’s going to be fine, Jester. MATT: Shh. Don’t spoil it! You guys begin to head southward. It’s a very faint decline. You can only tell it’s a decline in the sense that if you look right or left you can see the water is trickling in the direction you’re traveling. The tunnel continues for about 100 feet or so before it curves slightly to the right and then comes to another set of rungs and another sewer-top access. LIAM: Were we told that there was some sort of webbing? MATT: Yes, that was the only notable element of what you were looking for. LIAM: I see. Any of that as we go? MATT: Perception check. MARISHA: I wrote down blockage, webbing, and nest. LIAM: 19. MATT: No sense of webbing, no. LAURA: Do we see any rats down here? MATT: At the moment, you don’t see anything moving, no. ASHLEY: Any tracks of any sort? MATT: Make an investigation check if you want to. ASHLEY: 13. MATT: You get down and look about, and you don’t see any tracks by any means, but you notice that near where the water is– and it’s a faint trickle of water. The stream is about that wide, and you barely hear it moving past. You see elements of sludge that has slowly congealed over time along the edges of this groove that guides the liquid, and you can see bits are pushed like something had moved through in the direction of where you were, but that’s it. LAURA: In the direction of where we came from? MATT: Angled like something slid and pushed through the water in the direction you came from. MARISHA: How big are those slide marks, Yasha? MATT: About four inches. MARISHA: Four inches? MATT: Yeah. You see one or two that slide out. LAURA: Does that mean we’re going the wrong way or the right way? SAM: I’m going to get down and take a little bit of the smear and– LAURA: Ew! SAM: Do I taste anything? MATT: Make an intelligence check. SAM: 19. Plus five! No, plus three. MATT: It’s a combination of things. Your alchemical history and heightened goblin senses for waste product. There’s hints of excrement. LIAM: Know how much diarrhea blasting they did in the Middle Ages? (groaning) MATT: No! No! No! No. All right. Um– SAM: It’s old diarrhea. MATT: Stop it, Sam! Okay. TALIESIN: This is your fault. MARISHA: There are people eating at home right now. MATT: There’s a hint of an iron aftertaste, something oxidizing somewhere in the water, or the water itself. A faint hint of sulphur from the water and things breaking down in the water. Nothing that catches your immediate attention except for – Oh my God, she’s no longer roleplaying! LAURA: Oh my God! I didn’t even put it together. LIAM: That’s all that’s in the haversack. LAURA: I just want this. MATT: Because you rolled so high, that faint iron aftertaste is familiar. SAM: Familiar? LAURA: Is it blood? MATT: It reminds you of when you’ve licked a wound or bit your lip. It’s very faint. Because you rolled that high, you’re like, hmm. SAM: This is bloody stool. (groaning) TALIESIN: How would you know that? SAM: I know this taste. I know it well. TRAVIS: Nobody is going to ask you why you know that. Just so we’re clear, you don’t need to explain anymore. SAM: It’s sort of like Pringles, where you just can’t have one. LAURA: I might throw up. MATT: So what are you guys doing? SAM: So something’s been killed and dragged that way. TRAVIS: I think maybe we should head back in the opposite direction. ASHLEY: In the area where we’re at, the only exit now goes up another rung to the outside? MATT: Correct. Or continues on the direction you were traveling. Looking at that set of rungs, you can see the arrows that are still marked there. There’s a singular arrow that goes in the direction where you came from, and the other arrow splits into two. You get the sense that each of these indicates where the next, if you continue that way, if it’s going to divide or be straight. Part of this network of sewers that have been built below Zadash long ago. TRAVIS: Since you’re tasting hemorrhoids in the water, it’s probably coming from that direction. LAURA: Yeah, you’re right. MARISHA: The water seems to be moving towards the direction we’re going? MATT: You were heading down, and the water’s trickling in that direction. MARISHA: Go back the other way. LAURA: We turn around. TRAVIS: Let’s do it. MATT: You guys continue back to where you were and traverse instead upwards. You guys had paid a little bit of attention when you were traveling towards the Tri-Spire, but the entire city is not level. There are grades to it. It was built over hilly terrain, as most of this valley itself has all sorts of varying heights of hills and clusters of hills. The Tri-Spire is up on a raised hill within the city’s construct, so as you ascend in the direction of the Tri-Spire, you get the sense that you’re not ascending too terribly much, but you’re now just about underneath where the wall was. As it curves around a bit, you look ahead as Yasha’s holding out her torch, and you can see a T-intersection of the sewer where it continues on straight, or heads to the right, or to the left. LAURA: You should probably lick the ground everywhere and see if you taste that blood anymore. MATT: You also see more of those clusters of built-up refuse that have created small masses in the ground where the water is pooling and making its way around. LIAM: Blockages. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: The curved surface of this area, can we see the ceiling clearly or is it way above us? MATT: You can, yeah. And while the floor itself– the walls gradually come in and become a bit of a level platform and then descend into the ditch where the water is traversing, the ceiling is a continued curvature of it. It’s almost like a tube. LAURA: Any webbing? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: I’m going to look for footprints. MATT: You make an investigation check. LAURA: Perception? SAM: That’s a one. LAURA: 21. MATT: You see a very faint, barely shifting piece of thin silk cheese cloth-like material that is barely visible on the cusp of the torchlight on the right-hand side of that intersection. LAURA: Guys, guys, look, look! Bring the torch over! TRAVIS: Dust? LAURA: It’s a webbing! MATT: As we continue from this point, guys, I want to know what your marching order is as you’re traversing forward. LIAM: Hey, I’m at the back. MATT: Right. We have Caleb at the back. LAURA: Maybe that would be bad, though. Maybe you should be in the middle. Have you ever been at a haunted house? They come at you from behind! MARISHA: That’s true, the middle is the safest. I’ll take the front with Yasha, I’m assuming. SAM: I’ll be right behind them. TALIESIN: I’ll be with you. TRAVIS: Yeah. Swords in the middle. MATT: Nott, you’re in the middle with them? SAM: Middle-rear. MATT: Jester, where are you? LAURA: I guess I’ll be right behind Molly. MATT: There we go. So you go up and inspect the web? LAURA: Yeah! MATT: You guys head up with the torch. You come into the intersection. The water is coming down from the path in front of you, directly across. The left-hand tunnel continues for about 40 or 50 feet before it curves off and goes upward again, almost a parallel path. There’s water trickling down there that’s all meeting here. To the right, where this webbing is, there is no water. It is a dry ditch. LAURA: I bet that’s where we need to go. It’s blocked. ASHLEY: Can I touch a little bit of the webbing with the flame? MATT: Sure. You bring the torch to the webbing and watch as it burns away in a few seconds and turns to ash and dust. There’s also a very faint scratching sound. TALIESIN: I’m activating one. I’m pulling a hand down one of my swords and I’m getting it to light up. MATT: You activate one of them. As it lights up, you bring the torch around to look. MARISHA: Putting my goggles on. TRAVIS: I’m going to go ahead and cast Armor of Agathys, get on the spectral frost armor. MATT: As the armor filters up onto you, the weird, warm, humid air of the sewer interior seems to crystallize against your armor. The ice that normally gives a translucent bluish-white color has a strangely yellow-green tint to it. MARISHA: Poop-mist! TRAVIS: It’s the snowcone variety. SAM: As I see everybody doing this, I’m going to take a big swig of liquor. MATT: Okay. You take a quick swig. You guys look out in the distant tunnels and you see nothing. TRAVIS: Scratching sound’s a rat and we’re all like (whimper). MARISHA: (squeaking) MATT: It’s funny. As you glance down at the ground, though, one of those small clusters of refuse shifts a little bit. And shifts again. LAURA: (whispering) What is it? MARISHA: I take a ball bearing– LAURA: Poke it with your stick! MATT: I say little. It’s a few feet across. They’ve gotten larger as you’ve progressed on. MARISHA: I’m going to take a ball bearing and ping it. LAURA: How close is it to us? MATT: There’s a bunch up in the hall around you right now. As you throw the ball bearing and it hits, some of it breaks away, and you see horrible matted fur. There’s a flash in the torchlight where you see two eyes reflect through, and you hear this sound (shriek). You watch as fangs open up, and a bunch of the other clusters of gathered refuse all suddenly begin to shift and skitter in your direction. I need you all to roll initiative. ALL: (exclaiming) LAURA: We’re fighting poop-rats! MARISHA: It’s a hairball. TALIESIN: Oh my god. LAURA: That’s what happens when I roll one that I haven’t been charging up. SAM: Yep, yep. It’s definitely because of that. Look at this sewer! Is that real wet? LAURA: It just looks wet. MARISHA: It’s like resin. MATT: We had you guys up here. TRAVIS: It’s actual shit. LAURA: Matt is very committed. MARISHA: It’s reality seeping into our game a little bit. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Oh no! See, Caleb, look, you should’ve been in the middle of us! MATT: All of these sewer-faring giant rats begin to rush towards you. Their fur seems to have, over time, merged with other bits of discarded debris and matter, causing this outer shell of broken garbage, trash, and excrement that protects them and gives this look of a horrible, half-burned pile of compost with teeth and fur rushing in your direction. On that note. ASHLEY: I love that we’re fighting rats right now. MARISHA: I know! It’s so Baldur’s Gate. I love it. LAURA: (chanting) Level three! MATT: For initiative here, guys, let’s start with 25 to 20. Anyone? LAURA: Oh shit, really? MATT: Oh damn. SAM: 20. TRAVIS: 20 as well. Natural 20. MATT: You rolled a natural 20? What’s your initiative? TRAVIS: Zero. MATT: Oh, that’s right. We have Nott and Fjord. 20 to 15? ASHLEY: 17. MARISHA: 19. TRAVIS: I’m a limited fucking warlock. MARISHA: (chanting) Level three! MATT: 15 to 10. ASHLEY: Oh shit. MATT: 10 to five. LAURA: Eight. TALIESIN: Six. ASHLEY: No, I know. I’m one to talk. LAURA: No, mine was nine! TRAVIS and MARISHA: Nine! MATT: Molly, what was yours? TALIESIN: Six. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Vier. LAURA: It might’ve been eight. Let’s just make it eight because I can’t remember if I rolled a five or a six. MATT: It’s fine. It doesn’t matter in the order. At the top, all of them start rushing in, their eyes glaring as they shift past the torch that Yasha’s holding. There’s probably six, maybe seven in the vicinity at a quick glance around you, and they’re all rushing in your direction. Nott and Fjord, you guys are up first. TRAVIS: I turn to see where all of them are in relation to the party. Are there any sons of bitches over here that I can’t see? MATT: At the moment, you don’t see any. TRAVIS: Okay, great. I turn around and I see Caleb being flanked by two of them, and I know he is super squishy. Can I run towards this rat? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Can I reach back with my hand and– MATT: That rat there gets an attack of opportunity as you swipe out of its range first. That is going to be a 15, actually, not bad. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: That hits! LAURA: You just got bit by a rat, running away. MATT: As it snaps out at you, you take five points of piercing damage. As it bites out, you feel its teeth sink into the back of your calf muscle, through the armor and into the back of the thick running muscle. The pain strikes through you. You yank your foot away and you feel something tear. You can feel the blood running down the back of your leg and inside your boot as you feel the pounding of the very dirty bite that it’s left in the back of your leg. TRAVIS: The rat takes ten points of frost damage. MATT: As you pull away from it, the pounding pain of your leg is also accompanied by the sudden sound of a rat shattering into ice pieces against the ground and disintegrating. As it bites and sinks its teeth into you, the thing suddenly crusts over with a similar type of strange, yellowish-green ice before it T-1000 shatters across the floor of the inside of the sewer. Continuing your round. TRAVIS: I reach back to strike the rat. As my hand comes down, I’ll summon the falchion into my hand and strike down. MATT: In one sweep, an empty hand apparates, and water springs out from the grasp as it slams down. Go ahead and roll for an attack. LAURA: Is it also yellow water? MATT and TRAVIS: No. TRAVIS: It’s a 14. MATT: A 14 hits. You can roll damage. TRAVIS: It was one-handed, so 1d8. Ten points of damage. MATT: As you sweep down, you completely bisect the rat with your blade. It screams out in this loud, heavy, horrible, monstrous squeak. You’re not used to hearing what normally is a small rodent sound, but amplified from a larger, bulbous, mutated form that it now has. As you impact, you see it cut in half. It releases this putrid cloud of whatever gases its body holds in it. I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. TRAVIS: Nine, 13. MATT: You manage to hold your breath and back out of it as it dissipates around you. That finishes your turn? TRAVIS: Yes, it does. LAURA: Fjord! Why you got to fart while we’re fighting? TRAVIS: I got nervous! SAM: There’s a couple rats within range of my allies, right? So that I could get sneak attack? MATT: Correct! There’s one right there. Each one of these is considered one spot between you. SAM: Okay, I’ll disengage, back away down that hall that way, get far enough away, then turn around back, go (whimper), and fire my crossbow at the one next to Jester. No, that’s Molly. MATT: Right there. Okay, go for it. Roll for attack. SAM: 15 plus four, I think? MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Okay. That’s a lot of d6s. Right? Yeah. Okay, so. 15. MATT: It rears back and goes to leap in the air towards Molly’s face. It gets maybe two inches off the ground before your bolt sinks right through its skull, emerges on the other side, and it spins in the air. The momentum of its leap striking the momentum of your bolt, and there’s a spray of blood in the air. This noxious cloud of gas emerges from the wound that’s left in the side of its throat. I need Molly, Beau, and Yasha to make constitution saving throws, please. MARISHA: Not fun. (groaning) ASHLEY: Oh no. SAM: It’s a small hole the bolt makes. MATT: It’s like popping a balloon. It (explosion). They seem, based on the bacteria and whatever they’ve been living in, to be carrying a large amount of this gas in their body. What’d you get? MARISHA: Natural one. ASHLEY: Eight. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: Molly, you pull away for the moment and put your coat over the front and block it. The two of you, unintentionally, it gets into your nose, it stings your eyes, you both take three points of poison damage. LAURA: Oh no. ASHLEY: Shit. MARISHA and TRAVIS: (gagging) MATT: Finished your turn, Nott? SAM: That’s it. MATT: Beau, you’re up. As you’re coughing, it’s stinging all of your senses, and you right yourself and prepare for your turn. MARISHA: Oh sorry. Hang on, I’m taking damage. One, two, three– apply damage. I’m going to take this one that is in between, closest to me and Yasha, and I’m going to do a big ol’ golf swing with my quarterstaff. Not that dice, you were mean to me. Ooh, that’s good! 22 to hit. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Oh no, that’s a four. I thought that was a one for a second. Eight damage. MATT: Eight damage. Angrily, in response to this, you sweep down with a giant golf swing of your staff, and as it hits, it impacts, bludgeons the side of its body. It gets slammed, hits the wall, and falls to the ground. Some of the gas seeps out of its body, but it isn’t exposed. It is dead, but the method of damage delivery seemingly didn’t disturb whatever was contained within its body. MARISHA: Interesting. I still have my other attack, yeah? Can I move in and kick that guy? MATT: Over which one? MARISHA: Yeah, that one. I’m going to rat kick. Rat kick. Natural 20! MATT: Jesus! MARISHA: Come on, give me that big ol’ four– That’s a one! Six damage. MATT: You rush up and critically kick this rat in the side of its body. Wham! You feel breaks and bones, or might be sticks, might be whatever else has created this shell of debris about its body. It gives this screeching sound as falls over onto its side and then gets back in its place. It’s hurting, it’s barely holding itself in place, but it’s angry and ready to snap back at you. MARISHA: I reach over to Yasha and I go– MATT: And it is Yasha’s turn, actually. ASHLEY: Yeah. Wait, is this a dog next to Caleb, what is this? MATT: No, those are all rats. I didn’t have as many rat minis for this. Use your imagination! TRAVIS: (laughing) I have reservations about killing a sewer dog. ASHLEY: Okay, I think– MATT: You get the idea. ASHLEY: I think she’s got this, so– I don’t want anything to happen to Caleb. Can I get to any of the ones over by him? MATT: You have enough movement to get to any of those. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’ll move over to one of those. Let’s go to the one closest to him. MATT: Over here? One, two, three. ASHLEY: I’m going to– Wait, so slashing– so bludgeoning keeps it from– LIAM: From breaking open. ASHLEY: I’m going to rear back and punch it. MATT: Okay, go for it. Make an attack roll. SAM and MARISHA: Punch it. MATT: Yasha the rat puncher! You’re not raging, right? It’s just a regular attack. ASHLEY: 23. MATT: That hits. So it takes one point of damage, plus whatever your strength modifier is. LAURA: That’s good. TALIESIN: Don’t you have a– Actually, you’ve got an unarmed strike. ASHLEY: Unarmed strike, yeah. LAURA: I look like I have an unarmed strike too, but I don’t think I do. ASHLEY: One, plus your strength modifier. MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: So that means you can do four points of damage. Technically, it’s not one point, it’s four points– MATT: Well, it’s one point, and then she adds her strength modifier to it. So four, yeah. So it takes four points of damage. As you bludgeon it, you hold the sword with one hand– Or your sword’s probably still sheathed at this point, you’re holding the torch in one hand, so you rush up and fist-punch it. ASHLEY: Do I get– I don’t because I moved– do I get a bonus action? (mumbling) Still trying to figure this out. LIAM: Is the torch in your punching hand? MATT: It’s not a light weapon, it’s not a weapon you can off-hit with it. ASHLEY: Can I just touch it? Set it aflame? MATT: You could’ve if that was your action, but you’ve already punched it. However, you did straight up rush up and cold-cock deck a sewer rat in the face. Once again, you feel the crunching right behind it as it falls over and gets back up, its jaw’s hanging off to one side, and it has this horrible gurgling sound as it screams at you. A combination of this reddish blood and whatever putrid green liquid is mixing and pouring out of its mouth. ASHLEY: I move my cloak to– MATT: Okay, that ends your turn then, right? All right, it’s now their turn. This one is going to shift around, painfully limping to get down and try to bite out towards your legs. This one’s going to move, still in combat with you, and go after– actually no, because you punched it, it’s going to continue after you. This one is going to come after you as well, since you rushed up in its way. So the one coming after Beau. That is going to be a 15. MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Misses. You duck out of the way. The two against you is a 16? ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: That hits? ASHLEY: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right, and a 17. Both hit. So you take, from that first one, six points of piercing damage as it leaps up and actually– ASHLEY: I have resistance to piercing. MATT: You’re not raging. ASHLEY: Oh, you have to be raging? MATT: Yeah, that’s resistance from the rage. That’s okay. ASHLEY: Okay, got it. MATT: You can use a bonus action on your turn to rage if you want to. ASHLEY: Got it, okay. MATT: It’s okay. So you take six points of piercing damage. As it bites up and you put your arm in the way and it clamps onto your forearm, it begins tearing. You shove it off and it lands onto the ground, spins, and gets back to its feet. The other one, you take four points of piercing damage. As you shove that one off, the other one leaps onto your back and begins snapping at the back of your neck and shoulders, and you shove it back onto the ground, and it readies itself for another strike as they’re slowly swarming around you. Ending their turn now, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to run up to the one that just attacked Yasha. Yeah, and I’m going to hit it with my handaxe because I’m not very smart. MATT: Go for it. This is the one that’s already been punched too, so you rush up with your handaxe and swing. Go and make an attack roll. TRAVIS: You could flip it blade-up. LAURA: That definitely hits. That’s 21. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go and roll damage. LAURA: That’s a seven. MATT: Seven points of damage. The rat that’s face is already broken, even when it managed to bite towards Yasha earlier, it was mostly dragging its top fangs across the side of her forearm as its jaw would not actually snap shut. You finish the blow by taking the axe, swiping down. As you do, you carve into its body and a cloud of poison dissipates from its torso area. I need Yasha, Caleb, and you, Jester, to make constitution saving throws, please. LAURA: Aw, you see it was like, (strains) no, fuck you. ASHLEY: 19. MATT: Okay. You manage to hold yourself off, not being taken into it a second time. LIAM: Eight. MATT: Five points of poison damage to you as you accidentally inhale a spray of it into your face, you’re like (gasping). TRAVIS: It’s in my mouth! MATT: Five? You also take five points of poison damage. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: Tomato juice bath. (laughter) TRAVIS: That shit doesn’t work. TALIESIN: No, it doesn’t help. MATT: That end your turn, Jester? LAURA: I think so. MATT: Okay, so you finish coughing. LAURA: Wait! Yeah, I don’t want to use that just yet. MATT: Okay, then Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I see the mess this is making, and I’m going to turn around and I’m holding the sword, but I’m going to punch with the hilt of my sword. MATT: Go for it. Which one are you going up to, the one that Beau kicked earlier? TALIESIN: No, the one that attacked Yasha. MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll a d20 and add your strength bonus. TALIESIN: Plus my strength, my non-existent strength modifier. That’s a 12 to hit. MATT: 12 just hits. TALIESIN: That’s one damage! MATT: You deal one point of damage to that one. As you reach down and sock it in the head– TALIESIN: I can take a bonus attack though, and I’m going to hit it again. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: Well, are you attacking with your– TALIESIN: Well, I’m using my other hand, since technically I have two attacks, it’s not two– MATT: You have two attacks with the light weapon on the side, technically. Eh, I’ll allow it. It’s fine, go for it. TALIESIN: It’s another point of damage. MATT: Okay, so it takes two points of damage. So now you guys are rat punching. You guys are going through and punching the fuck out of rats. TRAVIS: Punching the fuck out of rats. MATT: Repeatedly decking the face– TRAVIS: Fuck you, you dirty rat. MATT: Your knuckles are bleeding a little bit. It’s not really enough to damage you, but as you’re punching down, you’re hitting slick oiled fur and jagged points of broken wood and whatever else has jammed itself into its matted fur. But you’ve managed to hit it a couple of times and it’s taken a little bit of damage, but it’s still like (snarls). It looks very cornered and lashing out now. That ends your turn, Molly. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I would like to start backing up towards, in this direction, towards Nott, away. LAURA: Oh no. LIAM: Oh no. I would use a Caleb bonus action to dry heave and then I will use my action to cast Fire Bolt towards the rat by Yasha. MATT: By Yasha, go for it. Roll for the attack. LIAM: Ja. (groans) That it is a– oh no, that’s okay. It’s a 13. MATT: 13 hits. Go and roll damage on the Fire Bolt. It’s a d10, right? LIAM: Ja, d10. It’s five hit points of damage. MATT: Five? Between the punches you gave it, that’s enough to finish it. (cheering) MATT: As you run back, you finish dry heaving and then release the bolt of fire. It rockets past, the sewer walls light up in succession down, following the streak of flame through. As it impacts, there’s a burst and, what would have been the gas that is released from its body, incinerates from the fire damage and does not affect anyone surrounding it. All righty, finishing Caleb’s turn, that brings us to the top. Nott and Fjord. LAURA: Are there more rats? MATT: There is one more over here that’s limping next to Beau. SAM: Where’s our order? TRAVIS: It’s down here! It’s rats, we’re not using that shit. (laughter) SAM: All right. Nott will go forward next to Caleb and peer around, and fire another crossbow. MARISHA: Oh no, I got it! God! SAM: I know! I haven’t been in any gas, I don’t know what’s going on. All I can see is you guys going (yelling) like weirdos. So I’ll fire. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Aw, too helpful. You’re being too helpful! SAM: 18. MATT: 18 hits. Roll damage. SAM: There’s sneak attack damage too, right? MATT: Yep. SAM: That’s a lot. In the teens. MATT: How do you want to do this? SAM: I guess I will– TRAVIS: Ray! (laughter) TALIESIN: Way to date yourself right there. SAM: If there’s a way to pin the rat to the wall, I’ll do that. MATT: Okay. As you turn around the side of Caleb, putting your second bolt in, spinning around, firing, it strikes the side of it, and where you hit it in the side, there’s this large pocket of stretched rat skin where it’s pulled so far that the fur itself is disparate and you can see the peach flesh beneath the fur. As it hits, it (explosion). It’s a combination of force from both the blow of the bolt and the propulsion of the release of gas that sprays right in the direction of Beau. I need you to make another constitution saving throw, please. TRAVIS: Save. You got it, smash it. You’re rolling the bad dice again. MARISHA: It rolled a natural one again! Laura, put it in jail. MATT: That’s okay, you only take one point of poison damage, I rolled really low for that one. LAURA: It’s really pretty though, what a pretty die. MARISHA: (whimpering) I know. MATT: You take one point of poison damage. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: Everyone’s catching their disease here. LAURA: Oh no, Matt! Wait, how do we know where we’re going, though? How will we choose? MATT: I’ll leave this here as a visual aid, sure. TALIESIN: You worked to make it so nice. MATT: This is the direction you guys had come in from, so the liquid is traveling down this way, and then down this way, and there is no liquid from the side, and the web that you had destroyed is up in this corner. LAURA: Okay, we go that way. MATT: You’re going to go in this direction? LIAM: Before we move, I am standing with two flickering Calebs next to me and all three of us look at Molly like Jim from The Office and they go away. (laughter) LAURA: Oh no, how hurt is everyone? TRAVIS: You gotta look in the camera. TALIESIN: I did. TRAVIS: Oh good, yeah. ASHLEY: I mean, I’m 19 out of 32. LAURA: Right? I should do a Cure Wounds on you. ASHLEY: I’ll take it. LAURA: Okay. I cast Cure Wounds on Yasha! LIAM: What were you down to? ASHLEY: 19. LAURA: That’s above your whole– LIAM: Yeah, that’s my max. ASHLEY: That’s your max?! LIAM: Yeah. I’m sitting at 14. ASHLEY: Well, it’s good I took the hits, you know? LIAM: Yeah, that’s your job. LAURA: That’s why I said it. Eight points. MATT: In comparison to some of the scents you’ve encountered in this conflict, suddenly the rest of the sewer doesn’t smell as bad. TRAVIS: Yup. Nostrils are burned right the fuck out. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh. How hurt are you, Beau? MARISHA: I’m all right. I’m only down five hit points. LAURA: Oh, okay. Let me know, you guys, because I’ve got lots of healing! Because I’m the cleric. TALIESIN: Seriously, Caleb, how are you? LIAM: Ah, you know, I’ve been worse. It’s okay. I’m okay. TALIESIN: If we hit you really hard, would you still be standing up right now? LIAM: If who hits me very hard? TALIESIN: That’s a good question, I hadn’t really thought about that. LIAM: If she hits me very hard, I am a dead man. If she hits me very hard, I’m probably okay. SAM: I would never hit you! LIAM: I know, that’s just– you know, it’s just a– SAM: I care for you, Caleb. LIAM: You have a monster on your chest. ASHLEY: Are you very scared? LIAM: Generally, are you asking me? ASHLEY: Just right now? LIAM: Right now? No, because I am with all of you, and those were just mice. SAM: I am extremely scared right now, but I think that we killed the monster and we can go back to surface now, right? ASHLEY: I don’t think that that was the monster. SAM: That was clearly something down here that’s been killing people. LAURA: I think something’s making those things like that. LIAM: The rats are not making webbing. There’s something else. LAURA: Oh god, what if it’s a giant spider? LIAM: It’s probably a giant spider. LAURA: And it’s infecting the rats. (whispering) And they’re turning into poisoned– SAM: Spiders don’t like rats, do they? TALIESIN: Rat spiders! Ooh! ASHLEY: I don’t understand why those rats were– LAURA: Poison balloons? ASHLEY: (chuckling) Yes. SAM: Did you see the one that kind of looked like a dog, though? That was freaky. TALIESIN: At first, I thought it was some sort of evil gassy dog. LIAM: Well, I would theorize that perhaps their diet is 20% food and 80% diarrhea, so it’s not very surprising that they explode into fecal matter. MARISHA: Can I bend down and, covering with my vest a little bit, see if I can search and figure out exactly what these things are made out of? MATT: Okay. As you push through one of the open wounds from one of the ones that was cut through by either Jester or Fjord. I’d say about a third of the body mass is an assembled shell of refuse. The interior of it appears to be rat or animal-like. General array of organs, though a lot of them have a colorless gray or beige appearance to them, and a lot of them look to be in various stages of necrosis, and there’s a lot of infection inside. TRAVIS and LAURA: (groaning) MATT: Yeah, it’s pretty nasty. MARISHA: Guys, I think these are undead rats. LAURA: I think they’re full of pus! TALIESIN: Are they undead rats? MATT: You can go ahead and make an intelligence check. TALIESIN: With advantage? MATT: With advantage. TALIESIN: All right. Where’s my intelligence– there we are. That’s a– no, that’s a nine. MATT: Nine. TALIESIN, TRAVIS, LAURA, and ASHLEY: Nein! LIAM: You could just say nine. MATT: You would know enough, from the knowledge that you have, that while there is necrosis in there, it doesn’t look like its fully in there. These things are– TALIESIN: Mostly undead? MATT: Or at least, they were alive up until a moment ago. These infections, when they continued for a period of time, probably not for long. MARISHA: Zombie rats?! LAURA: Just really infected rats. LIAM: No, they had pinkeye in all their parts. TRAVIS: You know this really isn’t what we need. This is only the appetizer, maybe we should try to find the main course. LAURA: We should keep going. Should we be more sneaky, or should we just walk? ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe we should be sneaky. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think stealth would be a good idea. TALIESIN: Let’s be sneaky. TRAVIS: To the right. MATT: To the right, okay. You do get a glance with your torchlight, Yasha, as you glance up the path across the way, and the path that curves around the side, and you do see a few other similar collections. Though not moving, or not reacting to the vicinity of where you are. Even glancing at the ones who were fighting you, you can see upon closer look that their eyes are snowblind, or infected to the point where they were very nearsighted, or close to blind. The patches in the distance you can see aren’t reacting you your presence. LAURA: We could set them on fire from a distance. TRAVIS: Or just don’t disturb them. LAURA: Yeah, but what if they all spring up. We could just set them on fire. SAM: Are we going that way? MATT: No, you’re going that way. SAM: We’re going a different way. LAURA: Okay then, let them live, and die in horrible pain. TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: (laughs) I’d like you to all roll stealth checks, please. SAM: Stealth checks! Can you help someone there, Jester? LAURA: Oh yeah, here you go! SAM: Not me, I don’t need it. LAURA: Who is the most noisy of us all? Which one of you fuckers needs some help? ASHLEY: I rolled shit for stealth, so it wouldn’t do me any good. LAURA: Well here, take an advantage. ASHLEY: Oh. MATT: I’ll let it happen. Usually you have to give that before they roll so you don’t know. LAURA: Just kidding. ASHLEY: Should I take up the rear? LIAM: You’re coming back after a break. MATT: It’s fine. ASHLEY: 15? MATT: 15 is better. TALIESIN: 12. LAURA: Hold on, I have to check– SAM: Ten. Not so good. LAURA: Eight. Not so good. LIAM: 16. MARISHA and TRAVIS: 18. MATT: Okay. As you guys continue down the right pathway, you continue further and find the clusters of makeshift bits of discarded material begin to give way as about 20 feet ahead of you, the torchlight begins to refract and reflect against some sort of soft material that is drifting and enclosing a portion of the walkway. You see ahead of you a majority of the tunnel is currently blocked, other than a small path on the right side of it, by a dense webbing of some kind. LAURA: Let’s set it on fire! MATT: You see a large knot, or a– not a Nott, a knot of webbing as well, that is held aloft a foot off the ground. MARISHA: It’s the egg sack. SAM: Or a body. LAURA: Or it could be somebody that’s being slowly sucked dry of all their blood. MARISHA: You’re totally right. LAURA: Should we set it on fire, or should we see if it’s living? TALIESIN: I think we should try to cut it down in case it’s a person. LAURA: Is it wiggling at all? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: 15. MATT: 15? It does not appear to be moving. LAURA: I think it’s dead. SAM: You think its dead? LAURA: Or it’s sedated. ASHLEY: What if we (blows air)? SAM: Should we go try to cut it down? Without alerting them. TRAVIS: You normally touch a spider’s web, they come running. MARISHA: That’s true. LIAM: I have read a lot of books. Lots of them. Have I ever read anything about the science of larger insectoid creatures? MATT: Possibly insectoids. This would not be, technically, an insect. LIAM: Okay, but it’s not familiar to me? MATT: I mean, it’s webbing. There are many creatures in nature that use webbing in different forms and types. LIAM: Like YouTubers. MATT: Yes, there’s that too. Glancing at this, the mass that is encased in the webbing is about this big. LAURA: It’s a dog. MATT: It’s about dog-sized. TALIESIN: Or a rat. ASHLEY: Is it close enough to us? MATT: It’s about 20 feet ahead of you. TRAVIS: Can we see a past that into any further clumps of webbing? MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage, because it does go beyond the torch threshold. MARISHA: It doesn’t appear to be human-sized. MATT: That one does not, no. MARISHA: That one does not. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: Looking past, you can see layers of webbing continue for about, what you can see, 20 feet beyond that. It looks to be an even heavier wall of it behind that completely blocks continued access into that chamber. You can see two other much larger clusters of webbing that are wrapped around something. ASHLEY: Are we able to get to this lump? MATT: You can get to it, yeah. ASHLEY: Or do we have to go through some of the web? MATT: There’s bits of it that are drifting below. You see that it does shift every now and then. It looks like there’s some sort of a breeze coming through, faint as it is. That’s why, from the webbing that is currently held aloft between the ceiling and the floor and the left wall, from your perspective, the first one you see, every now and then you see it faintly shift, as if a breeze or water moves through. TRAVIS: Do we have to break any of the planes of webbing to get to this cluster? MATT: To get to this one? No. LAURA: Let’s cut it down. ASHLEY: Maybe we can look at it up closer? MATT: You can. TALIESIN: I’m going to try to very gently, maybe, with everyone’s permission I’m going to gently start cutting into the bottom of it, not too deeply. SAM: Wait! Should we get ready for some sort of distraction or to do something to the other web first? TALIESIN: I’m sorry, do you have a plan? SAM: No, no, I just– TALIESIN: Well, all right then. I keep moving downward. MATT: Okay, is this the one with your activated rite? TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: And the rite you activated was? TALIESIN: It was the radiant rite. MATT: The Rite of the Dawn. As his scimitar, which is now glowing with this faint radiant light energy, it almost burns through as you carve through. Slowly, it’s not an easy cut, but you do carve through. As you do, the webbing begins to curl back and blacken at the edges. As it pulls away, you see something furry and fleshy. As you pull it back a few more inches, you watch as a rat head, lolls out, a tongue falling out the side. It looks to be dry, it looks to be bereft of any sort of internal liquid or life. LAURA: That’s good to know. That means the human-sized ones are probably fucked up too. ASHLEY: Yeah, that’s probably true. TALIESIN: Or they haven’t been eaten yet. LAURA: How long ago did they say the guards went down and didn’t come back? TRAVIS: Quite a while, but I’ll remind you that our mission is not to retrieve any guards. It’s to kill this beast. LIAM: If we kill the beasts that are down here, then it might be worthwhile to also check the bodies of the guards, you know, because they’re not going back to the to their families, you following me? TRAVIS: That was dark and angry. SAM: Steal from the dead bodies? LIAM: Well, they’re not going to use it. SAM: I agree. Yeah. TALIESIN: I’ll work with that. TRAVIS: Shall we move forward to the first plane of webbing that would hinder our movement? LIAM: Just a suggestion, we don’t have to do this, I’m not even sure how I feel about it, but I have just learned how to create a somewhat spectral servant to me, one that is unseen. I could send it in to poke about and if anything is going to happen, it could happen to it first, instead of us. SAM: I like that idea. TRAVIS: Does it interact with the environment? LIAM: Yeah, it could poke at things and you know. MARISHA: Would it move the webbing as it went through? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: What do we like more? Poking the webbing, or sending it up in flame? MARISHA: I agree with Fjord. I think we we start poking around, that thing’s going to come running. TRAVIS: Might as well– SAM: But then we’ll get to see it, and get the drop on it. LIAM: If you burn its web it will do the same thing. LAURA: Yeah. What if we back up and burn it? TRAVIS: My way of thinking is what if that web is sticky as shit. I don’t want to get caught in it. LAURA: That’s why I said; why don’t we back up and burn it? LIAM: I think that’s actually a very good idea. TALIESIN: Let’s try and not set fire to the human shaped things. SAM: Yeah. What if they’re still alive? LAURA: Well, Caleb, how about you send your spectral servant to poke at the little masses of human and see if they start wiggling? LIAM: Okay. Also, I will say that, you were worried about burning their dead bodies. But if we burn the dead bodies they might burn, we’re not going to help them, but if any coin have, or any items that are magical in nature will be fine. So it’s okay. SAM: Oh, yeah, that’s good. ASHLEY: The thing is, if we kill them, I mean, we’re putting them out of their misery. You know. LAURA: They’ll probably end up as giant pus sacks if they survive. ASHLEY: Yeah, they’re probably already– SAM: Or maybe they just were wrapped up five minutes ago, and they’re totally fine. LIAM: Yeah, that’s possible. This thing that I can do, this servant that I can make, It’s not going to be able to open these things. It’s very weak. LAURA: I said poke it. Then if they wiggle, then we know that they’re alive. LIAM: That’s true. TRAVIS: How about a poke and then a flame? TALIESIN: Poke and wiggle. Then a flame. ASHLEY: I think if they start moving, this thing’s going to– TALIESIN: Well, it knows that they’re alive— ASHLEY: But then we’ll get eyes on it. TALIESIN: So I’m sure they wiggle every now and then anyway. TRAVIS: That way Nott doesn’t have bad dreams that we burn some people that are still alive and then we can set it all on fire. MARISHA: Oh, no, that was Caleb who was freaked out by fire. TRAVIS: Oh, right. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Do it, Caleb! LIAM: I pull a stick out of my coat, and I hold it between thumb and pinky like this, and there’s a string wrapped around it, and I take my fingers, and I pull along the string, which begins to glow a faint gold glow, and a being, same height, and about same skinny-ass proportions as myself appears before me. MATT: Well, it does not appear. LIAM: It doesn’t appear? You tell me, because you’re the dungeon master. MATT: It’s unseen, but you sense its presence arrive. LAURA: It’s unseen. ASHLEY: Oh, that’s what that means. MATT: On the dry, dust-covered floor of this interior part of the sewer, where the temperature has dropped and is a little less humid in this area, there are two small plumes of dust on the ground and you sense the servant has arrived. LAURA: I go up and I push it. MATT: Okay, you put your hand forward and it’s like hitting the back of someone’s back, but there’s nothing there and it catches you off guard, you’re like “What the heck?” It feels somewhat amorphous, like a heavy wind pushback for a second, but there’s no wind and there’s no whipping of force around your arm. It’s very strange. LAURA: I think your unseen servant farted on me. LIAM: Well the rats have already started. So Schmidt, I want you to go to these larger bundles and give them a little pokey-poo. MATT: All right, Schmidt goes past– (laughter) MATT: You sense this– the first webbing barricade which has a small five-foot space between it and the wall, to the next one, the one that you saw, which encompasses the entirety of this wall. There are small one-foot wide sections of it along the upper part of the wall where there’s a gap, but most of it is pure web across. There are two of them there and are you getting close with the torch to reveal it? Otherwise it’s going to be beyond the torch light, it’s going to be very dim and hard to see the details. ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll follow as far back as I can. LIAM: I have to stay within 60 feet of Schmidt. MATT: Right, so the two of you approach the first barrier to see the second. As Schmidt approaches the second barrier, one of the masses, which does appear to be humanoid in size, shakes slightly, doesn’t react. The other one shakes slightly, and you watch as an arm limply falls from the side of it, some webbing tearing, as it does you hear a metal sword clang to the ground. You see a bracer that once belonged to a crownsguard. LIAM: (whispers) Schmidt, bring me the bracer. MATT: The bracer (whoosh) and drifts on its own in your direction. LAURA: I wonder if the giant spider thing heard that. LIAM: What? MARISHA: Yeah, probably. LIAM: What did you say? I did not understand your accent. LAURA: (loudly) I said I wonder if the giant– LIAM: Shh! LAURA: You. SAM: She wonders if the giant spider heard it. LIAM: Yeah, we all wonder that. TRAVIS: So they’re dead, huh? LIAM: Well, not moving. LAURA: Burn that shit then the spider will come and we will burn that shit too! ASHLEY: How close am I to one of the human form ones? MATT: You’re about ten feet from it. TALIESIN: They look pretty dead, don’t they? MATT: They look pretty dead, they’re ten to 15 feet from you. TRAVIS: Firestarter! ASHLEY: I mean this is the firestarter over here. MARISHA: Let’s burn it. LIAM: I can do it from a distance, yeah. SAM: Should we get into some sort of position so we’re not all clumped together? MATT: Yeah, do you have any specific order you want to maintain here? TRAVIS: How about four on one side and three on the other of the tunnel? TALIESIN: That’ll do. ASHLEY: Caleb, do you want to stand behind me and little peeksies from behind? LIAM: I would like to stand behind everybody. TRAVIS: I’ll take the front of the other side of Yasha, since I’ve got some armor. LAURA: I’ll stand behind Fjord. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I guess I’ll go with team Caleb/Yasha. TRAVIS: Wow. Fucking betrayal. Okay. MATT: All right, Caleb, Yasha and Beau– MARISHA: I’m trying to split up evenly! MATT: Is it Molly and Fjord at the front of the other group? SAM: I’ll go behind Caleb. MATT: Okay, so Nott goes behind Caleb and then we have Fjord and Molly on the other side with Jester behind them. TALIESIN: Yep. Little bit of magic on both sides, little bit of tank. MATT: Okay. You move around that barrier and get to the next ten to 15 feet up where there is the next larger barrier of webbing and the two unmoving humanoid forms wrapped up there. LIAM: I can do this from 120 feet away, once every six seconds I’m going to use Fire Bolt. I would go (whoosh whoosh) and hit them both. MATT: Okay. They both impact and the bodies shift, there’s a burst of flame. Some of the webbing ignites and burns and curls away, but it looks like the flame is so instantaneous it’s not enough to immediately ignite the webbing. There is a burnt mark on them and neither of the forms move or react to the impact and the web shifts and shakes for a moment before it eventually comes to rest again. LIAM: Just as a test, to the one on the right I do it again. MATT: Okay, you do it a second time. It burns a little more, as the webbing burns away in that section you can see the crownsguard armor chestplate that is now a little bit charred beneath the impact. LIAM: Okay, well, he’s dead. Should I just keep chipping away? MARISHA: You still have your torch, yeah? ASHLEY: Yeah. I’ll help. Are we moving forward or we’re still–? MATT: They’re all still in the back, but you can move forward if you want to move forward. LIAM: Well, this is every six seconds so I could just stand here for a minute going (whoosh whoosh whoosh) and not get close. TRAVIS: Hey Nott, will you do me a favor and make sure nothing sneaks up behind us? SAM: There’s things behind us, too? TRAVIS: Could be. LIAM: So I guess I’ll take the next 30 or 40 seconds, if that’s what it takes. I’ll focus on one and just keep burning it away. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to go 15 feet behind us. MATT: Okay, you shift yourself 15 feet behind. Make a perception check so you can watch. With disadvantage because, unfortunately, you’re away from the torch light to do so. SAM: That’s a one. MATT: So you’re keeping watch. (laughter) MATT: As one after the other the webbing is shaking and shifting. Eventually, after four or five blasts the web begins to catch fire and you watch as the red and orange flames expand and begin to immolate both the unmoving bodies. The webbing then burns away and eventually begins to detach from the weight and the loss of tensile strength and that whole wall shifts and collapses to the ground, both of the bodies hit the ground. The webbing burns away, it’s not enough to catch the bodies on fire, though it does singe and burn the exterior and as you look they’re both in various states of decay. The skin you can see, as you approach a little bit, Yasha, to take a look, the cheeks within their helmeted heads are sunken and sallow. The lips are curled back over the teeth. They are drained of any internal life force or blood. ASHLEY: Can I poke around with the tip of my sword and see if there’s any money or something in their pockets? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: (singing) We are the worst. We are the worst. TALIESIN: He’s not using it. ASHLEY: 18. MATT: Prodding around, yeah, there is. From just a glance, they both have coin purses on their belts, folded into their belt, as a protective measure. They both look like they were caught in a state where they’d be willing to travel anywhere and spend money. ASHLEY: I’ll take them. MATT: Okay, you being to pull from their bodies, what are the rest of you guys doing? LAURA: We could take their weapons, I bet they’re nice weapons. Or we could return them to the Crownsguard, maybe they would reward us? TALIESIN and MARISHA: Do they have a dog tag? MATT: Glancing about as you inspect the bodies, there’s no identifying tag to them. There isn’t an elaborate system of maintaining Crownsguard members or identifying that you’ve noticed at least. TRAVIS: Can I search for puncture marks? Stab wounds? Bite marks? MATT: Make a medicine check. LAURA: Can I take their helmets and put them in my pink bag? MATT: Sure, easy enough to do. LAURA: What about their weapons? Do they have any? MATT: They do. They both are carrying a longsword. They’re well kept, not used. You look along the blade and there are barely any signs of indentation. LAURA: Does it say anywhere “Property of the Crownsguard?” MATT: No, but they are uniform design. They’re not elaborate or ornamental. The Crownsguard weaponry are all pretty much designed or provided by a similar blacksmithy technique so they all feel like they’re uniform to a certain degree. TRAVIS: Ten on the medicine check. MATT: That’s enough. It’s not too hard to see. As you look over each of the two bodies, both of them have heavy puncture marks, either right in the back of the neck on one of them, or the other one has it right under the front of the chin. The puncture marks are about that wide, about two inches across on each side where the skin and flesh has bubbled and pushed away from the side and they go very deep in. TRAVIS: So big fangs. Probably fucking pincers. You know (clicking). Yeah. So watch your shit. LIAM: Caleb stands still for a second and looks around. Do I hear anything? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Oh, in my sleeve. Oh, that’s a one. So I don’t hear anything. TRAVIS: How’s the ground that we’re standing on now? MATT: There would have been some general webbing towards the base of this, but you’ve burned away that central area. As you step forward, you look beyond where that burning mark is and there is a stark left turn. It curves to the left and looking around the side it curves again to the right, maybe 20 feet beyond that and you see another webbing barrier where there looks to be three different figures. You see now there is another figure that is not part of the webbing barrier but is just webbed to the wall right next to it. TRAVIS: But the stone is unim– MATT: Unimpeded to the point it would be an issue. TRAVIS: Not tacky. MATT: No, you feel a little bit of stickiness when you step around from general fallen bits of stray webbing strands and such, but nothing that would impede your movement. LAURA: How is it to try to chop through it with the axe? MATT: You can go try to either the one behind you or the one ahead. LAURA: Yeah, I want to try doing it and see if it sticks to the weapon or if it cuts through. MATT: To the one ahead? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. You come forth to the web there in front of you to where the two other figures that are massed there. They are both humanoid and you now look over at a close glance as a third one, small, looks to be another one of the rat creatures that is caught in there. You carve through. Go ahead and make an attack roll. Roll damage for the handaxe. LAURA: Seven. MATT: Seven, okay. You carve through and a large part tears through before your handaxe stops and you’re like (grunts) can’t push any more. You try and pull back and as you do, you pull your arm back and it gets ripped from your grasp and it’s now stuck and folded, and your handaxe is now wobbling in the web. TALIESIN: I’m going to very gently cut her handaxe out with my radiant sword. MATT: Okay. You begin to carve around it and pull it out, and you eventually get it free but now there’s a cluster of webbing around it almost like the world’s worst cotton candy. It’s wrapped around the center of it, but it’s sticky. TRAVIS: The worst kind of candy. TALIESIN: Don’t eat it! LIAM: Jester, put it on the ground and take ten steps back away from it. LAURA: (metal plink) MATT: (metal plinks) The metal hits the ground and makes a bit of a sound. LAURA: Except it’s covered in webbing so not as much sound. MATT: No, but the metal still hits the ground. LIAM: (whoosh) MATT: You watch as the flames burn around it and free it. It lights up the vicinity a little bit. There’s that wedge opening where you’ve cut in that webbing barrier and behind it you can see the entire floor of the next portion appears to have some sort of webbing layer around it and all the walls are covered in it. Across the way you can see rungs and the end of this portion of the drainage that leads up into where you can see the wind would be coming through, and that faint bit of wind that’s pushing through that’s causing all the webs to shift is coming from what you can barely make out to be the faint bits of sunset light peeking through another exit. A sewage exit just like the one that you came in. You also see a number of other figures that are all webbed to the walls and encased within there. TALIESIN: All of the ones webbed to the walls are just as emaciated and dead? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Can I get my handaxe back? MATT: You can, yeah. LAURA: Thanks, Caleb. TALIESIN: Six. MATT: You glance past in the distance. It’s too hard to see, unfortunately, because the torchlight is too far away. ASHLEY: How close are we to those now? MATT: Well, you’re at the second web wall. That’s about 25, 30 feet from you so it’s beyond the torchlight of where you’re standing. LAURA: It’s a dead end past all of this? It’s a dead end and just goes up? MATT: It looks like it. It goes to a dead end, but it’s all covered in webbing. LAURA: It’s got to be around here somewhere, right? ASHLEY: Or it’s behind us and waiting until we get in its room. SAM: It’s not behind us! TALIESIN: I’m going to start trying to cut down, find the points of the web wall where it’s being held together and cut any of the web. SAM: Nothing back here! MATT: Because of your rite, you manage to carve through and you watch as the second web wall comes and folds to the end. The bodies that are encased in it hitting the ground with heavy thuds. You can see the other bodies that are webbed to the walls around. On the inside, you can see the end of this. It is a giant web nest. LIAM: If we deem it safe, maybe someone could look out this other exit because, probably, something is down here with us, but mayhaps above the grate, this thing lives in a house perhaps. I don’t know, I’m spitballing. TRAVIS: Or if we go up to the grate, and try and get someone to open the hatch in case we need to beat a speedy retreat. LIAM: That is also good. That is two reasons to do it. LAURA: Should I go up? TRAVIS: Yeah, do it. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Give her the writ of law thing. LAURA: Is it blocked in and webby all along the ground? MATT: As you walk past, the ground itself is sticky. You can still move, but you’re hindered somewhat having to like pull through and it tugs at your feet. You guys watch as webbing tears and builds on the bottom of her boots as she walks in. LAURA: I stop walking. MATT: Okay. You stop and look and you can see the faint outline of bodies that are webbed to the wall. Parts of the faces that are revealed that are gray and lifeless, drained. On the far wall, you see a large cluster of webbing. It looks like a mass of three or four bodies jammed together and you see one body that’s right next to where the rungs are that is not as webbed as the others, and there is color to the skin. You see elements of a humanoid face. A halfling, it looks to be. About halfling sized. It is about a foot up off the ground, webbed to the wall, one arm is drifting out and part of the face and unconscious, but is not gray and dead like the others. And that’s where we’re going to take a break. SAM: Wait, no! But that’s a person! MATT: I know. We’ll come back on that. It’s because I want to make sure we all get to the bathroom, including myself. I have to pee like a fucking racehorse. So yeah. We’ll pick up on the reveal of this non-dead body. LAURA: I don’t like it either. ASHLEY: You went to no’s like, “No no no.” MATT: We’ll be back here in a few minutes. First and foremost, we have our Wyrmwood giveaway, which we’ve worked through some of the stuff. Yeah, giveaways and laws are weird. I apologize for the heads up, but as part of this Wyrmwood giveaway, you need to be in the Twitch chat to participate. I apologize. ALL: I apologize. MATT: We’re fans of Deadwood, if you couldn’t tell. Right now, the offer is only for residents of the United States and Canada, excluding Quebec, because of laws. We’re trying to figure out how to expand that, but that’s where we are at the moment, so I apologize if you’re not a part of that. I’m so sorry. We have no way to get around it, but we’re working on it. For the official rules, you can follow the link in chat. It should be available to you. Tonight’s prize is the Purple Heart Adventurer’s Arsenal, which you may recognize as the wood that Scanlan had in the last campaign. In case you haven’t seen what these arsenals are, it’s a dice box as well as a great interior. You can keep your dice, your pen, minis or erasers, anything else you want to keep in there. They’re pretty badass. So we have that. The contest has officially started, so all you have to do is go into Twitch chat. Tonight’s code is sewers. The plural. Sewers. TRAVIS: Is there an A in that? MATT: No. But yes, that’s the keyword. Only enter it once in chat because entering it more than once will disqualify you. Good luck, everyone. We’ll announce the winner when we come back from the break. We’ll be contacting the winners after the break so make sure you keep an eye on your whispers. We’ll see you guys back here in a few minutes. [break] MATT: And welcome back. First and foremost, we know that some folks are having problems or issues with the D&D Beyond discount code, which I think was “InvisibleWand.” They’re working on it at D&D Beyond, but don’t worry, the code will be active for a while. Look for updates or keep trying. They’re working on that. Also, we have our winner of our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway. Congratulations to scopewar. Scopewar, you are the winner. We’ll get that out to you, so well done. Bringing us back in. You guys had just noticed the furthest element of this segment of the sewer, where the webbing had become far more apparent. You had discovered a few bodies that came over. You had carved through one wall and caused that to fall off to the side, and leading to the very end of it, you saw an ascension that went to another exit grate into the city. A number of bodies, one large webbed mass of a few bodies and one individual that looked to be still alive, though unconscious and webbed against the wall. LAURA: Is he reachable? MATT: From you right now, he’s about 20 feet ahead of you. LAURA: (whispered) He’s still 20 feet away from me. You guys! Hey fuckers! MARISHA: What?! LAURA: I’m a little worried about walking any further because my feet are starting to stick to the ground, like a lot. But there’s a halfling stuck to the wall over here and I don’t think he’s dead. MARISHA: Okay. You stay there with the halfling. I might be able to negotiate my way a little further. LIAM: Is Jester right up with the halfling? LAURA: No, I’m 20 feet away from it. TRAVIS: If you had to ballpark the distance to the halfling or to the very end of it? MATT: From you guys all together, it’s about 25 feet, 30 feet. Jester is a little bit closer. SAM: All clear in the back! TALIESIN: I’d forgotten. TRAVIS: I am going to join Nott at the back and keep an eye on the rear. SAM: No need! MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Oh, jeez Louise. TRAVIS: Ten. MATT: Okay, Fjord you shift around to join Nott in the back and you guys look off in that distance. You see nothing in the darkness behind you. Who else is doing what? LIAM: I am going to walk up to Jester and stand next to her and then I am going to send Schmidt forward to this halfling to try to maybe lift up his, its, I can’t tell you. The chin of this halfling. MARISHA: I’m going to also move forward next to Caleb. MATT: You move forward next to Caleb as well. You guys are finding your feet sticking to the material of the floor webbing. You approach. You watch as the head of this halfling is pulled away from some of the webbing and lifted up. It is male. Actually, because you’re still with Yasha in the back, make a perception check both of you. LIAM: Well if I can’t see– MATT: It’s low light beyond that so make a perception check with disadvantage. MARISHA: I’ve got dope goggles, though. LIAM: Oh, well okay. MATT: You can make a straight perception check if you’d like. LIAM: Well I would say if I can’t see, if I knew I can’t see, if I were really in this place instead of sitting as this table. MATT: You can if Yasha comes closer, but Yasha has the only source of light. LIAM: If I couldn’t see coming up, I would go (poofing) and send out Dancing Lights. MARISHA: Natural 20. LIAM: There you go. MATT: The Dancing Lights appear in the air and begin to drift in help fill out the area, your torch light still being this larger beacon of flame light in the space. Beau, you glance ahead and can see as the chin is lifted, a thick band of tattoos– MARISHA: I think these goggles are like polarized. It’s real cool. He’s got a thick band of tattoos, sorry. MATT: A thick band of tattoos that completely encompasses the neck to the point where what’s exposed from beneath it’s like black shapes and designs completely around. MARISHA: Of the halfling? MATT: Of the halfling, yeah. MARISHA: Do they look old or like a fresher tattoo? MATT: Did you roll a natural 20? MARISHA: I did roll a natural 20. MATT: Your amazing monk-like sight, they’re not fresh. MARISHA: They’re not fresh. MATT: They’re not fresh. MARISHA: Do I see puncture wounds? MATT: You do not. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Also, there’s this weird sense that creeps on Nott and Fjord as you’re glancing forward and you both turn over your shoulder to see a massive pale white and blue arachnid creature, legs spindling outward, at a width of ten feet or more. Giant dripping fangs and beady red eyes, a row of them glaring right at you as this (hiss) pincers open up. LAURA: How close is it to you guys? MATT: It’s right behind Fjord and Nott and it is striking you, Fjord, as its first strike. SAM: It snuck up on us? ASHLEY: Wait, so it’s behind? MATT: It’s literally here! ALL: Oh! ASHLEY: Was it on the ceiling the whole time? MATT: That is going to be a 23 to hit. TRAVIS: Against my 14? Yeah! LIAM: While this death is happening, Caleb is Schmidt go like this to the halfling. Caleb’s going, “Hey guy, hey hey hey.” MARISHA: Halfling! MATT: You suffer seven points of piercing damage, as its fangs snap right into your chest area. Do you still have ice armor on? TRAVIS: I do, so he takes ten points of damage. The armor is gone. MATT: I also need you to make a constitution saving throw. LAURA: Oh no! TRAVIS: Shit! 17. MATT: You feel venom pulse into your body. Your physicality, however, being somewhat sturdy, manages to resist a large element of the poison that is suddenly thrust into your torso. You take– that’s a terrible roll. You take five points of poison damage. Nott, you look up and see this thing as it digs its giant pincers and fangs into Fjord’s body and it pulls back and you watch it vanish and disappear. TRAVIS: Fuck! MATT: I need you all to roll initiative. LAURA: It’s an invisible spider! TALIESIN: To be fair, invisible spiders are the best spiders because you can’t– hey, look at that! TRAVIS: Oh, look at the webs! MARISHA: Why are we invisible? Oh. LAURA: We’re not invisible, those are dead people! I see dead people. TRAVIS: Invisible shit ass bitch! Nipples on a horse! MATT: The last place you saw this– ASHLEY: Are they invisible, the people that are on the walls? MATT: The last place you saw it was there before it disappeared. ALL: Fuck! LAURA: Where before it disappeared? MATT: Right there. LAURA: Wait, why are all the other things invisible? Does that mean those are other things that are going to attack us? MATT: These are all the bodies that have been webbed up. Initiative order for you guys, please. 25 to 20. LAURA: 22! MATT: Nice! MARISHA: Oh goddamn it, he has it this whole time. MATT: All right, Jester’s up front at 22. 20 to 15, guys. LIAM: 15! Fünfzehn. TRAVIS: I have 15, as well. Nobody has higher than a 15? LAURA: I had a 22. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean besides Jester. MATT: All righty, that was ten to 15? Ten to five. MARISHA: I’m sorry. Then ten to 15. I’m 13. TALIESIN: I’m 13. TRAVIS: You’re both 13? MATT: Beau and Molly. All righty, and ten to five? ASHLEY: Eight! Oh, seven, I’m sorry. SAM: Five! TRAVIS: Good, separated from everybody. LAURA: Man, you always have the shittiest initiative! ASHLEY: So do I. LAURA: Yeah, why do you guys always have bad initiative? SAM: Because we save it for when it really counts! MATT: That’s true. LAURA: Weird. MATT: The top of this round. Jester, you’re up first. LAURA: I’m up first! Okay, did I hear it happen to Fjord? Did I hear anything? MATT: No. Well, you hear like the reaction of pain, and you glance over just in time to see this large, monstrous spider body vanish in place. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: I’m probably screaming. MATT: Nott is just– SAM: (screaming) LAURA: I cast Spiritual Weapon, a giant purple lollipop! Oh no. I’ve got some, but you have one too, don’t you? TALIESIN: We have a couple around. MATT: Oh, do you have one there? LAURA: No, you have the one. Don’t you have the one? SAM: You have a one with the stand. LAURA: That Brittany made? MATT: Yes, but it appears to have been moved since they used the table last time. Oh well. LAURA: Somebody took a picture of it then disappeared it? MATT: It might have happened, yeah. LAURA: I make a giant teal lollipop instead! Here you go. MATT: Where shall we place this? LAURA: Directly overhead of where the spider disappeared. MATT: Okay, we’ll put it there. It worries me that I get to unveil that and it’s not around. MARISHA: Does anyone know where the lollipop is? MATT: It’s fine. Jester, you use that as your bonus action to cast. What are you using your action for? LAURA: I’m going to, oh god, cast Sacred Flame on the place that it was at. Can I do that? MATT: Sacred Flame is a cantrip? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You can, sure. LAURA: On the place that I saw it. MATT: Okay, you watch as the large lollipop apparates in that space and you cast Sacred Flame. It has no target to effect. LAURA: It’s not invisible guys, it’s gone. TRAVIS: Nothing happens? MATT: No, there’s no burst of flame. The spell has no target. LAURA: I’m going to back up against– oh no, if I back against a wall, it’s sticky, isn’t it? MATT: The space, all this area here, where the webbing starts is considered rough terrain to move through. So your speed is halved moving through that area. LAURA: I’m going to take a couple steps, if I can, like up on those rocks next to Yasha is it? Yeah. TALIESIN: We should probably clump together. MATT: Okay. So you back up onto the rocks and start pulling your feet out of the webbing as you do. That ends your turn? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Ending Jester’s turn. Caleb and Fjord, you guys are up. LIAM: Can I get either inside or behind that crate that’s in the corner with difficult terrain? MATT: I can say you can start to get into it. It doesn’t offer you any cover at the moment, but you’re in it right now. LIAM: Okay, for an action, I am going to cast the Blur spell on myself again und I will use my bonus action to have Schmidt come. I’m assuming he’s not affected by webs? MATT: He doesn’t seem to be. LIAM: Well then I will summon him to stand above me on the box. MATT: Okay. CALEB: So I’m blurry and there’s an invisible guy right above me. MATT: Ending Caleb’s turn. You are currently blurring and shifting. TRAVIS: Okay, can I spin back after getting fucking bit by a goddamn spider, and can I back up– 10, 15, 20. Does that cause anything to hit me? MATT: Nope. TRAVIS: Cool. I don’t see nothing, right? MATT: Currently, no. TRAVIS: Nice. Can I fire Eldritch Blast in the direction that I saw it? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: Make a main attack roll. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: (poof) It hits the stone wall behind it. It’s not there. TRAVIS: It moved! (laughter) MATT: You get the sense that it’s not apparently there. TRAVIS: I need to see it to do anything else. All right. MATT: That ends your turn. That brings us to– all right. So– MARISHA: The spider is in between Fjord and Beau. LAURA: The spider is in between Fjord and Beau. I thought Travis would make the note, but he’s not. SAM: He’s busy. MATT: There is a moment, Fjord, as you back up after releasing your Eldritch Blast where it impacts the wall and you’re like, “Shit.” You hear this (whoosh) sound and look your right and it appears right next to you. LAURA: Where? TRAVIS: Oh fuck! ASHLEY: Well, he’s not invisible anymore. MATT: It lunges out towards you again. TRAVIS: Oh, no. Shit, that’s another 23. Two 19s in a row. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, you don’t need me to tell you it hits. MATT: That is eight points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Damn! MARISHA: How many? TRAVIS: Okay, constitution saving throw. Oh, that’s an eight. TALIESIN: That’s a lot of dice. MATT: All right, you take 15 points of poison damage. SAM: That’s all of the poison damage. TRAVIS: I’m unconscious. No! Relentl– The thing, I got the thing! It’s called Relentless Endurance! I come back to one hit point! LAURA: It’s Relentless! TRAVIS: Sorry, I’m half dead. MATT: As the fangs dig into the side of your torso, you pull back and try and defend yourself and it pierces your leather armor in your torso. It releases a huge burst of venom into your chest. You feel your lungs and heart seize for a moment and you almost fall back. That burning orcish rage from underneath gives you that last bit of inspiration to shrug off the poison and look back angrily and realize you are in deep shit. TRAVIS: Oh fuck. LIAM: There you go, Freemasons. He’s actually a half orc. MATT: All righty, that ends its turn. That brings us to Beau and Molly. MARISHA: Do you want to go first? TALIESIN: You can go first. MARISHA: Is there a way I can hop over the web situation? MATT: Is it bothering you? LAURA: Yes! MATT: It’s been bothering you this whole time? MARISHA: It was bothering me this whole time, too! I meant to fix it in the break. MATT: Laura Bailey, the kind of friend that tells you when you have a booger in your nose. I really appreciate it. MARISHA: Can I jump this gap where Molly is and avoid the webbing? MATT: You can certainly try. Go ahead and make an athletics check. You are standing in webbing, so it’s being able to– MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: I will say yes! I will give you the ability to leap through and land off to this side using your movement and avoid that ten feet and still manage to free yourself from the webbing. So that was 15 feet of your movement used to leap. MARISHA: So I have 25 more feet? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: How close can I get to the spider? MATT: Let’s give it a shot. LIAM: I mean, Beau is pretty fucking amazing in combat. MATT: 25! You’re not quite close enough. MARISHA: Fuck! I don’t have any reach with my stick. MATT: No, you have whatever monk abilities that you have. You have eyes on it at the moment, yes. MARISHA: I will hold. I will take a dodge action. MATT: You start defending yourself, preparing for its onslaught. That brings me to Molly’s turn. TALIESIN: I’m going to head towards the spider, as close as I can get. There’s not a lot I can do. MATT: You’re right there. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Devil’s Tongue, I’m going to use Vicious Mockery. MATT: It rolls a natural 19 on its saving throw. TALIESIN: (guttural Infernal sounds) MATT: That’s like three 19s in a row that it has rolled, by the way. LAURA: You have something in your throat, Molly. TRAVIS: What dice are you using? MATT: Well, the last two I was using the Golden Snitch. This one I used the black d20. SAM: We are all going to die because of the Golden Snitch. MATT: It was gifted to me at the end of the last campaign. TALIESIN: It was gifted. LAURA: Or did you throw it on the table and Matt snatched it up? TALIESIN: We are golden gods. MATT: You must invite the vampire in for it to cross the threshold. (laughter) TALIESIN: I have made a terrible mistake. MATT: So, Molly, you moved up there and you’re still ten feet away from this creature. TALIESIN: I’m just going to hold. MATT: All right, so you’re holding–? TALIESIN: An attack for the second that it’s within range. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding your action in case it shows up within range to strike it. Okay, good to know. That finishes their turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay, can I get to it? MATT: What’s your speed? ASHLEY: 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet? (counting) Just in range! ASHLEY: Okay, so. Um– I would like to rage. (cheering) ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to rage, and then– MATT: It spins around after Molly screamed at it, and it goes (snarling). You can see in your torch light, as you’re clutching it in your hand as you rush towards it. You’re going to have to drop that torch to grab your two-handed weapon. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: You drop it on the ground, and as it hits the ground, the light flickers off of its eight red beady eyes. It turns, its fangs open towards you and you see the venom and bits of Fjord blood dripping off of the end of it as you rush towards it. All right, you rage, what are you doing? ASHLEY: Rage, take out my sword and try to hit it between the eyes. MATT: Go for it, roll for attack. ASHLEY: Okay. Okay. 23. MATT: 23 hits! Roll damage. ASHLEY: What do I roll?! MATT: It’s d12 for your greatsword. Plus whatever your strength– ASHLEY: 2d6 plus three. MATT: Oh the greatsword yeah, d12 is greataxe. 2d6, plus three, plus whatever your rage damage bonus is, which I think is two, right? ASHLEY: (grunting) LIAM: It’s like an airplane. TRAVIS: Yeah, this is the second fight. TALIESIN: It might auto if you select your– LAURA: Yeah, she didn’t get a session zero. MATT: Yeah, it’s plus two. It’s plus five damage to whatever you roll. LAURA: Yeah! ASHLEY: Plus five to whatever I roll? MATT: Yep. ASHLEY: Okay, 14. MATT: 14 points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: Fuck yeah, beast mode. As you rush towards it with a large arc, slamming down like (whoosh), you carve through part of its carapace, two of the eyes are cloven through and are now bloodied and ruined. LAURA: It’s blinded! MATT: It shrieks back. It’s hurt, but it’s still doing fine. Is that the end of your turn? ASHLEY: Yeah, because I can’t do anything else, right? MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: Okay, I stand there at the ready with the point. MATT: Got it. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay. I’m going to shout out: I think this is the monster! I will nervously fire my hand crossbow at the beast, hoping not to hit any of my friends. 12 plus something? Six. 18. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. You get sneak attack. SAM: Yeah. (counting) 14. Plus Fury of the Small, 17 points. (cheering) MATT: As it opens its mouth, the firelight from the torch flickering in, its horrible weirdly shaped spider-like mutated mouth open up where the pincers and the giant fangs are. A bolt sinks into its throat, and it starts shrieking, backing up defensively, the pain causing it to pull away from you. That’s a serious amount of damage. SAM: Yeah. I scramble away in Caleb’s direction, and that cocoon guy there. I’m going to hide right behind him. MATT: Okay. Make a stealth check. SAM: Okay. A 15. MATT: Good to know. That finishes Nott’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay can I come around the corner and get out of this nastiness? Ooh, it really did stick to it. MATT: It really did stick to it. Five, ten, 15, there. LAURA: Can I see everything? MATT: Yes, you see right where everyone is and where this creature is. LAURA: Okay I’m going to send my spiritual weapon down there to bash it over the head! MATT: 5, 10, 15, 20. It cannot quite get into range. LAURA: How did Yasha get all the way there and my thing didn’t get there? MATT: Because yours can only move 20 feet. LAURA: That’s so stupid. Okay. MATT: I believe that’s the case. LAURA: Yeah, it’s only 20. Then I’m going to use Cure Wounds. Is it touch? MATT: Cure Wounds is touch, I believe. LAURA: Motherfucker! LIAM: Healing Word, maybe. LAURA: Yeah but it’s like dog shit. Aw, look at that. ASHLEY: Does it sparkle? It’s got all sparkly little– LAURA: Isn’t it so pretty? TALIESIN: It really ties the sewer together. (laughter) MATT: There it is. LAURA: Healing Word is such dog shit, as far as what it can do. SAM: Healing Word? No, it’s not! LAURA: Psh, sure whatever. I guess I’ll do Healing Word to cure you. But you’re going to go down again, it’s not enough to heal you– TRAVIS: I’m going to take a healing potion. LAURA: Oh, you are? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Do your thing. TALIESIN: Or do damage. LAURA: I’m going to– I’m sorry, you guys. I’m going to Sacred Flame it, then. MATT: Okay. What’s the– LAURA: 1d8 radiant. MATT: Well it needs to make a saving throw, right? That is an 11. I think your DC is 13 right? Yeah. Roll damage. LAURA: Okay. Aw, two. MATT: Two points radiant damage. Hey, it all helps. A burst of radiant flame suddenly encompasses the front part of its body, between the impact of the bolt, the slashing from Yasha, and the blast, it looks like it’s starting to feel a moment of fight or flight. That end your turn? LAURA: Yeah, it does. MATT: Caleb, Fjord, you’re up. LIAM: Okay, I can see a straight line from the spider to me so I think– MATT: It does have partial cover, though, because of the angle you’re at. LIAM: Yeah, okay, all right. I’m going to use my movement to crawl out of the box so I can get a better bead on it hopefully. I’ll go as far forward and to the side as I can to get a better angle. MATT: (counting) That’ll improve your sight there. LIAM: Okay, so I am going to steady my arm against the other arm and point at it, and blacken my hand and send a Fire Bolt at it. Here it goes, we’ll see if it hits probably not. No, I don’t think it does. That is a 11. MATT: That unfortunately does not hit. As it’s reacting from the impacts, it begins to rear back, and as it does there’s this one flash of light. It seems like it notices its presence and gets really low and flat suddenly. Its whole body, which is massive, shrinks low to the sewer as it passes overhead. It pops back up, ready. LIAM: Then before the end of my turn I’m going to (snapping) and Schmidt silently comes up as close as he can get next to me. MATT: That ends your turn? LIAM: Ja. MATT: All righty. It’s now the spider’s turn. TRAVIS: It’s my turn. MATT: That’s right, I forgot. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I cast Hexblade’s Curse on the spider? MATT: Yes, you may. LAURA: You should just kill it! Kill it! It’s already nervous, kill it and don’t worry about healing yourself. ASHLEY: He’s looking rough. LAURA: Destroy it, Fjord! TRAVIS: With the fucking glove of blasting, that we took off the thing, can I go (grunting) and fire all three of the Scorching Ray balls at the spider? MATT: You may. Make your three attacks with disadvantage because it’s a ranged attack in immediate face-to-face range. TRAVIS: That’s a nine, plus two for 11. MATT: 11 misses. The first one goes wide, second strike. TRAVIS: That’s a one. MATT: Goes wide again. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: 16 does hit. Your first time using the glove, you’re not too sure how the aiming works and the first two go off to the side, you’re like “Shit! Shit!” (boom) The third one finally impacts. Roll damage for that. LIAM: Aw man that’s that Fjord edge right there. TRAVIS: That’s right. Eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of fire damage. Plus, does your Hexblade’s Curse do anything on that? Don’t you add your– TRAVIS: Plus two to hit, that’s it. No, damage two, proficiency. Thank you. MATT: It’s ten, right? TRAVIS: Ten, thank you. MATT: (explosion) The second the Scorching Ray blast hits it as it’s rearing upright now, and as it lights up you can see the streaks of blue designs across its pale white body. The flames impact and burn around the side, it pulls back ready, angrily back towards you. That ends your turn? TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: What happened to the healing coming? MATT: It didn’t happen. TALIESIN: He’s a liar. He’s a lying liar. TRAVIS: You just got to kill the spider and I’ll be fine. TALIESIN: Fair. MATT: It’s trying to decide what is the biggest threat right now. I’m going to roll for it, between Yasha and Fjord. LIAM: Schmidt, it’s Schmidt. MATT: It’s going to go for Yasha. LAURA: Oh, thank god. TALIESIN: Blood Maledict. I see it look at her and I immediately full Blood Maledict. I’m going to do the fucked up one and I’m going to take four points of damage for it. There you go. I have that moment, I look at it, and my neck bursts and I bleed out the vein. MATT: You watch as a vein pours out the side, and the currently six intact red eyes of the spider all cloud over black with bits of trickling, dark purplish blood pouring from the edges of them. That gives it disadvantage. Which you are very lucky it is because that was a natural 20. That still comes to 16. Does that hit? ASHLEY: That hits. MATT: You take, from the fangs as it lurches towards you, oof, that’s going to be 11 points of piercing damage. ASHLEY: Halved. MATT: Yes, because you’re raging. (cheering) MATT: You take five points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw, please. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: You’ve got this. ASHLEY: Natural 20. TRAVIS: Woo, crit on that shit! MATT: As it lurches forward and slams its fangs in the collar bone area, you having no real armor to protect it, you take it head on. The fangs sink and you feel the venom pulse through your torso, through your arms. The burning pains goes through and you flex it off. As you do so, thankfully reducing what would have been– you only take 11 points of poison damage. LIAM: Yasha is a heavy metal album. That’s pretty dope. MATT: It now sees you all moving around it, and it looks like it’s been hurting. You watch as its form vanishes. MARISHA: No! ASHLEY: 11 in addition to the– MATT: Yeah. You watch as it vanishes from the space. That’s where you last saw it. SAM: Wow. MATT: Ending its turn, Beau and Molly, you’re up. SAM: We killed it! ASHLEY: Did it bamf? TALIESIN: Bamfed. MARISHA: Okay. Where’s it going to go, I’m going to– TALIESIN: Let’s form up, stick close. MARISHA: I’m going to split the difference and go here. TALIESIN: Don’t get so far that we can’t get to you if it hits you. MARISHA: I’m not, I’m going there, because I still want to be able to get to it. I’m going to hold a Flurry of– Can I hold a ki point action? Or can I hold an attack? Or can I hold an attack and then decide I want it to be a flurry of blows? MATT: You cannot make a bonus action attack on a held action so you cannot unfortunately make a Flurry of Blows, I don’t believe, as a held action. MARISHA: Can I take the bonus attack now, to do the ki point and hold it? MATT: No, unfortunately. MARISHA: Okay. This is balls, y'all. LIAM: Yeah. Spider’s an asshole. MARISHA: I’ll hold until I see it to make an attack. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding your action until it appears into range. Good to know. Molly. TALIESIN: I’m sticking with everybody, and let me take one– where am I? Let me take like a step back and hold my action there. MATT: Okay. You step back and stumble over one of the crownsguard bodies that you left on the ground, but you hold yourself there, using it as one foot, slightly elevated platform being at the ready. You’re holding your attack action? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: That ends Molly’s go. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Oh, shit. Okay, it’s gone, so we don’t know where it is? MATT: It appears to have vanished. ASHLEY: We don’t see it. Okay. I feel like we should get closer. I’m going to move over to Fjord. MATT: To there? ASHLEY: Yeah, back against the wall. LAURA: The music. MARISHA: I know. ASHLEY: (mimics the music) LAURA: On Yasha’s move. MARISHA: (electric guitar sounds) TRAVIS: (bass guitar sounds) ASHLEY: I think that’s– oh, can I do Healing Hands on myself? MATT: You can, yeah. ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll do Healing Hands on myself. MATT: As Yasha backs up against the wall, greatsword in one hand, you watch as she puts her arm to her chest. There’s a faint glow of very faint whitish energy and her wounds heal up slightly. TRAVIS: What the fuck?! MARISHA: You didn’t have that, did you? You couldn’t do that type of shit. TRAVIS: No, she’s path of the zealot. ASHLEY: Well, I think it’s because I’m– TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Stuff. MARISHA and TALIESIN: Because reasons? MATT: That finishes your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yes. TRAVIS: What’s that called, what did you use? ASHLEY: Healing Hands. TALIESIN: It’s called Princes of the Universe. SAM: Is someone going to heal Fjord? LAURA: Yes, I’m going to on my turn. SAM: Okay. Oh boy. I’ll stay put, and hold my attack until I can see the whites of its pincers. As a bonus action, I’ll cast Mage Hand and start digging around some rocks, see if there’s anything over there. MATT: Well, Mage Hand is an action to cast, so you can’t hold– SAM: Not anymore. MATT: Oh, no, with your legerdemain, right? SAM: Yeah. LAURA: Legerdemain? SAM: I don’t know. LIAM: We’re all still figuring it out. SAM: You can use the bonus action granted by your cunning action to control the hand. MATT: Oh, it means once it’s already out, you can do that to use a bonus action. But you have to get it out. SAM: Got it. Then nevermind. MATT: So you’re holding your action there? SAM: I’m holding my attack. MATT: Good to know. Top of the round. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. How far away are they? I’m going to move forward. Can I get all the way to Fjord? I’m afraid to get too far away from Caleb. MATT: (counting) You can get up to him. TRAVIS: You don’t need to heal me. LAURA: I’m going to heal you. TRAVIS: If it dies, I gain seven hit points. LAURA: Okay, good. You’ll gain seven more than I can heal you, because I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on him! SAM and TALIESIN: Yay! LAURA: Yay. Six points. TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. I owe you one. LAURA: You don’t owe me shit. MATT: Anything else you want to do? Move your spiritual weapon or anything? LAURA: I’m going to move my spiritual weapon in the middle, closer to Beau. MATT: Okay, so there? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: We’re not considered poisoned if we got bit, right? MATT: No. That ends your go, Jester. Caleb and Fjord, you’re up. LIAM: Because sightlines are a problem here, I would like to move to dead center where Jester just was, actually, so I have a clear sight on the chamber behind me and ahead of me. MATT: 20, 25, 30? LIAM: Yeah. I can see everywhere, more or less, in here. MATT: Yes, you can. LIAM: I pull the diamond out from my coat and get ready, and I hold. As soon as I see the spider, I’m going to release Chromatic Orb. MATT: Okay. Good to know. That ends your turn, Caleb. Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: I’d like to move closer to the group. (counting) I turn here and I will hold my attack. MATT: Okay. In case he comes into range. TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: Good to know. Okay. End of your turn? Last you saw it there. You watch as there’s a faint ripple in the air. You just finishing healing Fjord, as he runs past, you turn and smile and turn back just in time to see it, not far from where it vanished, appear right there. MARISHA: Damn it. LAURA: (screams) MATT: It does get a surprise strike on you, which has advantage. Disadvantage thanks to your last ability, so it’s just a straight attack roll. That is a natural one. LAURA: (sigh of relief) SAM: Wow! MATT: That’s okay. It will use its movement to move down, and go up the wall here. LAURA: It died! Yay, we killed it! MATT: If we went by those rules, you guys would’ve been dead a long time ago. All right, so you do get an attack of opportunity on it as you swing past. Go ahead and make your strike. LAURA: Okay! MATT: With your somewhat web-covered– LAURA: No, we got all of it off, remember? MATT: Right. TALIESIN: Slightly warm. Toasted. LAURA: 18? No, 17? MATT: 17 hits. By the way, those of you that were in range to attack with that held action would’ve been just Caleb and Nott. Both of you guys get attack– LIAM: It’s about 90 feet. TRAVIS: I don’t get a ranged? MATT: You were holding your attack, you said. TRAVIS: Yeah. Do I have to say ranged spell attack? MATT: You have to say what spell you’re holding. It’s either I’m holding an attack or I’m holding a spell. TRAVIS: Sorry. I’ve learned. MATT: Now you know. LAURA: Seven damage! MATT: Seven damage, nice. LIAM: I prepped acid on this thing and I missed bad. I got a total of nine, so that did not hit. MATT: A total of nein? LIAM: Yeah. No, just nine. MATT: So (fwoosh), and as you throw your orb, it skitters up the wall. You almost hit it, but it pulls out of the way before it shatters, the orb splattering acid across the stonework, burning through whatever outer layer of thick liquid has congealed there. SAM: From where I’m hidden to where it was when it appeared, how far is that? MATT: From where it appeared? That would’ve been 40 feet from you. SAM: So I have to roll with disadvantage? MATT: Yes, you do. SAM: Ooh, not as good. 11. MATT: Goes wide, no impact, unfortunately. That ends the spider’s turn. Beau, Molly, you’re up. MARISHA: Ugh. Can I close the gap? With my 40 foot movement? MATT and MARISHA: (counting) MATT: It’s above you on the wall. MARISHA: Can I– SAM: Throw your throwing stars! MARISHA: Like I’m trying to get spiders out of the corner ceiling with a broomstick! Exactly. MATT: I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you the attack, you’ll have disadvantage, and if you miss, you’re prone. But I’ll give you the attack if you want to. TRAVIS: Ooh. I like the risk. LIAM: Worth the risk. That’s exciting. SAM: It’s impossible. MATT: There is a path that helps with that, but not this thing. MARISHA: Of course I do! I’m going to do the full– I’m like, wasp, get the wasp! MATT: All right, you leap up to get your single attack on it with your bo. Go for it. Roll at a disadvantage. MARISHA: Disadvantage. TRAVIS: You got it! MARISHA: I got it! I did! I rolled a 15 and a 17! MATT: That’s pretty slick. MARISHA: So that’s 21! MATT: That hits! Roll damage. TRAVIS: Don’t move, don’t move! MARISHA: Better call an exterminator! LIAM: Raid! MARISHA: 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. As you leap and smack it in the face, it pulls up a little bit further away, screeching at the impact. It’s looking pretty rough. It’s still around, but that was not a positive hit for it. MARISHA: Do I have room to still get one more swat? Probably not. MATT: I gave you the one. You’re technically just out of range. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: That was part of the risk. That end your turn? MARISHA: Yeah, I guess so. MATT: Molly? TALIESIN: I’m going to at least run up to the other side of Jester, just to keep us clumped a little bit. What I can do is I can do Vicious Mockery again. I’m going to cast Vicious Mockery and (Infernal voice) I’ll cut off your legs! Give it a shot. Make a roll against wisdom. SAM: He can say anything with that voice and it would sound awful. TALIESIN: (Infernal voice) Who ate all the Cracklin’ Oat Bran? SAM: (Infernal voice) Can I have a fishing rod? (laughter) TALIESIN: Save versus wisdom? MATT: Yeah, your spell DC would be eight plus your proficiency, which is ten. Plus your wisdom modifier, which is what? TALIESIN: Wisdom modifier is three. MATT: Three. Yeah, that hits! Roll damage. ASHLEY: Come on. Mock him. TALIESIN: I mock him and that’s three points of psychic damage, and he has– really? Does it not even matter? Then he has disadvantage on the next attack. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) MATT: As you mock the spider to death. TALIESIN: Something about my words are just making his blood boil. MATT: As you screech out this phrase in Infernal– TALIESIN: (Infernal voice) I whisper and then I fire. MATT: As its legs begin to skitter upward, and as it tries to escape up the top of the ceiling, it loses its grip upon the top of the sewer ceiling. It falls, slamming on the ground next to Beau, and its legs begin to curl in. As it’s shaking, you see blood pouring from wounds that weren’t there before. It seems the Infernal itself has affected him physically from the inside. It begins to curl its legs in deeper and deeper, the sound of its guttural shrieking getting softer and softer– MARISHA: I turn around and go, don’t worry guys, I got it. Good ol’ broomstick trick. Works every time. LIAM: Put him in a mocking bag, Molly! TALIESIN: I never had it do that before. TRAVIS: I regain seven hit points. MATT: There you go. LAURA: No, don’t take it away. I’m going to lick it. MATT: Okay. LAURA: It didn’t hit anything. It’s not even covered with any guts. MATT: That’s true. ASHLEY: I go up and I give Molly a slap on the ass. TALIESIN: You see what I mean? These people are fun! ASHLEY: It’s good. That was fun. TALIESIN: I’m going to go poke it with a sword. LAURA: I’m going to go back to the halfling guy that’s kind of alive. SAM: I’ll come with you then. TRAVIS: I’m going to kill the half– no. MATT: So it is a large body. The actual thorax of it. TALIESIN: I’m going to start binding it up for travel. MATT: Okay. Easy enough to do. It’s legs are intact, and they’re sturdy enough. You bring out whatever robe you have available, and you start binding it and getting it in a position where it could probably be either on her staff or whatever else you have and carry over shoulders. You guys approach the halfling: still unconscious, the arm draped out from the webbing. LAURA: Does he look injured at all? TALIESIN: It’s very dark still, also. MATT: It is very dark, and there’s still this torch left in the center there where Yasha dropped it. LAURA: Oh shit. Can I have grabbed that as I walk over to him? MATT: Sure! You grab the torch and you bring it over. You get a close look. There’s the web mass in the corner. There’s the other bodies on the side, The halfling looks to be injured in the sense that it looks like they took a blow to the head. There’s a slight bit of blood trickle along the hairline. LAURA: Can I put my hand on his head and cast Cure Wounds? MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for the hit points regained there. LAURA: Now. 11. LIAM: Actually, since I see that Jester has this covered, I’m going to start burning out the dead people and rooting through their pockets and stuff. MARISHA: I’ll still stick with Jester, though. Just in case he’s– LIAM: That’s good. MATT: There’s a moment after you finish casting it where the halfling shakes the head. “What’s going on?” LAURA: Blessed child. You are alive. Your saviors have come. MATT: You see one eye is almost still glued shut from webbing that’s across the front of it, but he’s trying to open it. “I don’t understand. What’s going on?” SAM: You’re safe now! MATT: “Oh god! (panicked breathing).” He starts looking around, looking up at the faint bit of light now, which it’s now just passing sunset. You see a little bit of purple light coming through, and through the little bits of webbing, you can see the grate that leads outside. He goes, “I don’t know how I got here.” LAURA: You don’t know how you got down here? You didn’t come to the sewer on your own? MATT: “Well I– Yeah, I guess.” MARISHA: What were you doing down here? MATT: “Well, I was just trying to get somewhere quickly.” MARISHA: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. You see flames bursting at the side. Every time, he flinches. MARISHA: 18. MATT: 18? ASHLEY: Whisper? SAM: Whispers. TRAVIS: Far Cry 5! SAM: Far Cry 5? I’ve heard about it. TRAVIS: Fantastic multiplayer and all-new setting. It takes place in the United States of America. LIAM: Oh man. Full of lessons for America today. TRAVIS: That’s right. I even heard you could check it out. Ubisoft’s Far Cry 5. MATT: “I’m sorry, I’m just– oh god,” and he looks over and sees the other bodies on the wall and the webbing. He’s just, “(panicked screams) Help me! Please help me!” LAURA: No need to scream. We’re getting you out, don’t worry. LIAM: I’m only burning the dead ones! (fire billowing) TALIESIN: (muffled screams) SAM: I’m going to say in Halfling to the man: it’s okay, just calm down. Everything’s going to be fine. I start cutting him out. MATT: Okay. He nods. “Thank you,” back to you in Halfling. He’s beginning to cut him free. What did you say? MARISHA: Tapping into my background a little bit, I’m going to go: You know, I used to utilize the sewers back in the day. Real good to stay out of sight. Move stuff quickly. MATT: “Yeah, well it’s important when you’re an ale hand. You got to move product through the sewers quickly.” MARISHA: What are you moving? MATT: “Ale.” MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: Do you have a key to the grates? MATT: “Not a key, but I– I have a key.” LAURA: Can you give us the key? MATT: “You have to cut me free first.” MARISHA: Before we do that, what’s your name, friend? MATT: “Thed.” MARISHA: Ted? MATT: “Thed.” SAM, MARISHA, and LAURA: Thed. LAURA: I thought he said “dead”. LIAM: Thed is dead, baby. LAURA: Thed, where is the key? Which pocket is it in? MATT: “I’ll be happy to show you once you cut me free.” LAURA: I can start digging. I start digging through his pockets. MATT: Make an investigation check. At a closer look, too, you can see he’s got short, spiky, dark hair and a little bit of a goatee that’s trimmed to a point at the end of the chin. The tattoos all across the neck look like they’re swirled, serpentine shapes that all fold and knot together, all across the throat, from front to back, like a giant dark band. LAURA: That’s a tattoo, you said? MATT: It’s a tattoo, yeah. MARISHA: Would I recognize that iconography or have heard of that? Does that mean anything? MATT: Make an intelligence check. LIAM: It’s a Nickelback tattoo. (laughter) MARISHA: Oh, nope. That’s a big nope. That’s a natural one. SAM: I’m going to cut him out. MATT: Yeah, you don’t. Okay. You cut him free, he’s like (heavy breathing). LAURA: I rolled an 11 checking through his pockets. MATT: You do find he’s wearing some nice, black/gray leather armor. He has a pretty nasty-looking shortsword. It’s been altered to be jagged at the edge of the blade. He has a small leather case that’s tucked in the armor. Don’t find a key. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Jagged at the tip. MARISHA: Jester. What’s in that leather case? SAM: Do you have the stuff? Or did you– MATT: He’s free now, as you cut him free, and he’s like (labored breaths). He stands up and he rights himself, and checks everything and he looks to the left and goes, “Um?” He points to the mass in the corner, and you see the mass that’s there. It’s not a series of bodies. It looks like it’s a slowly pulsing sac of some kind. LAURA: Oh no, eggs. Oh no! MATT: One of them (bursting) (skittering). MARISHA: Molly? Can you? LAURA: Kill it with fire! I Sacred Flame it. MATT: With a torch throwing and landing, and the Sacred Flame igniting it, you watch as this cluster begins to burn as these tiny white and blue spiders begin to expand out the side. Some of them make it up the sides of the wall. TRAVIS: I hate spiders. I’m fucking out. MATT: You rush up and like crush a couple of them. Even baby-sized, they’re about that big. They’re all coming up and they begin to burn. LAURA: Got to kill them all! MATT: You go and start burning. It appears you’ve got them all. Some of them seem to have burned, some of them seem to have vanished. It’s hard to tell. TALIESIN: No, I hear the commotion and come halfway over and nothing seems– they’re burning spiders. LIAM: Caleb is blithely burning over here and has no idea what’s going on behind him. TALIESIN: You are checking the bodies for things, right? LIAM: Of course I am. I’m waiting for the DM to fill in the blanks. TALIESIN: Well that’s fine, then. MATT: If you go to the other bodies, you get two sets of Crownsguard armor, and two longswords of the Crownsguard. ASHLEY: How much money was in the first two purses? TRAVIS: Oh, the pouches that you took? MATT: Right, the total between those two was 15 gold, 60 silver, and 20 copper. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: Just keeping all that for yourself, then, Yasha? LIAM: That’s five bodies. I don’t know if I got them all, but are there any coin purses as well? MATT: You do, and you go through. It’ll take you a little while to go through all the bodies here, so we’ll get to see how many you get through here. LAURA: Did you say two sets of armor? Would that fit in the bag? MATT: Hmm? LAURA: Would that fit in the bag? Two sets of armor? MATT: Well, I believe it would because it is a volume/space thing. It’ll take up a lot of space within the– and you have two two-foot by two-foot spaces on the two sides, and then you have the main eight-foot cube section there, so. LAURA: Okay, we’ll bring these back to the Crownsguard and hopefully get some reward. MATT: You do find another pair of studded leather armor that has like a sea motif to it. There’s shells pressed into it, and a wave pattern on the edges. The person it’s attached to has a bunch of tattoos across their body as well, that insinuate a lot of time at sea, different names of different ships that are different points of faded on the body. They may have been a sailor at some point in their life and has expired under here. LIAM: Yeah, I will quietly gather that up and put it into my bag. MATT: Okay. Well, the armor’s a full set, so it’ll– LIAM: Am I able to carry that? I don’t even know. MATT: Yeah, I mean, it’s a leather chest plate, leather arm bands and bracers, and then leg plates as well, so it’s a full set. You could probably fit all that into your bag if it’s the only thing that’s in your bag. LIAM: Okay. MATT: You stuff it all in there. Beyond that, going through them, for the sake of brevity here, you find an additional 85 gold pieces, 210 silver, and 45 copper. LIAM: 85– what was it? SAM and TRAVIS: Gold. LIAM: Yeah. 85 gold. MATT: 210 silver and 45 copper. LAURA: Is everybody a greedy fuck in this game and we just keep whatever? LIAM: I am not telling you that I found that at all. LAURA: Cool. TRAVIS: He dies first. TALIESIN: We see him collecting everything, anyway. MATT: Yeah, while you guys are all talking to this guy, Caleb is going from body to body, putting everything in his pockets. He’s not being sneaky. CALEB: Yeah, but you’re not standing like right over, looking down. You see me feeling at the bodies. MARISHA: No, but we’re all of the same breed; we get what you’re doing. LIAM: You know I’m looking, but you don’t know what I found. TALIESIN: We know you’re going to lie about it. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Sorry, because everyone is so lovely, can you tell me– TRAVIS: 85, 210– LIAM: 85? MATT: Gold pieces. 210 silver, and 45 copper. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Vex never lied about the loot we found. LIAM: I don’t give a fuck what Vex did. LAURA: Never once. Never once, for all the shit she got for being greedy, she never once lied about the loot. TALIESIN: She was a good person. SAM: Yes, but she was a horrible person. ASHLEY: It’s true. LAURA: She’s a terrible half-elf. LIAM: Vex is retired in Whitestone right now. She’s not here. MARISHA: I’m sensing a lingering sibling rivalry. MATT: I know. It’s carried over. MARISHA: Hanging over the table. LIAM: I’m clearly Lawful Good. Clearly. MARISHA: What’s Thed doing? MATT: Well, he’s checked all his things, and he goes, “Okay, I thank you all so much for your help. I really appreciate it. You’ve saved my life.” MARISHA: I’m going to do that lean up against the wall thing over the top of him. MATT: Okay, as he’s doing this, he smiles. You can see he’s missing two teeth to the side and he has a septum piercing up in his nose that he rights and pulls back down again so it’s visible and he’s like, “(sniff) All right.” MARISHA: You real thankful? MATT: “Yeah.” MARISHA: Real grateful? You feel like we did you a good service today? MATT: “I’d happily pay you, but your friend already took all my money.” LAURA: I didn’t take anything from you! MARISHA: I just want one– LAURA: I didn’t take anything from his pockets. MATT: That’s what he’s saying. LAURA: (gasp) MARISHA: I just want something in return. You know, you provide a service, get something in return, right? MATT: “What– if I can be of service, I’d be happy to.” MARISHA: Who’s the Gentleman? SAM: Ooh. MATT: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” MARISHA: Oh, friend. TALIESIN: I heard “Gentleman.” I’m walking over. MARISHA: Oh friend, I don’t need to roll an insight check to know that’s bullshit. MATT: “I apologize, I don’t– I apologize. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” ASHLEY: Wait, was was it? TALIESIN: Who’s the Gentleman. SAM: I’m going to get closer to Thed and say in Thieves’ Cant– LIAM: Yes! SAM: You can trust us. We’re one of you. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Yes! SAM: Natural 20. (cheering) MATT: Oh, fuck! He glances down at you, looks taken aback, and returns to you in Thieves’ Cant and says, “And the rest of your compatriots?” SAM: They’re cool. MATT: Switching back to Common, he goes, “Look. I cannot tell you anything, except for, if you want to find him, there is a place you can inquire. If I give you any more information and that gets around, I am deader than that spider would have left me.” MARISHA: All right. Where do I inquire? MATT: He sighs for a second. “There’s a dive, naught but five blocks from here, called The Evening Nip.” MARISHA: The Evening Nip. SAM: We’ve heard that before! LAURA: Yeah, it’s in the letter! MARISHA: All right. MATT: “Don’t say his name. Just walk up to the old man behind the counter and mention you’d like a drink, and while you have no coin, you’d be willing to offer many gifts.” MARISHA: I’d like a drink– TRAVIS: I have no coin, willing to offer many gifts. MARISHA: No coin. MATT: “'Many gifts’ is the important part. Now, I hope that’s been of service, and I– as you seem to be the types who see it fit to save a person that you haven’t met in the bottom of a terrible sewer, I would hope that you would be kind enough to know that that information did not come from me, and that you’ve never seen me before in your entire life.” TALIESIN: Oh. MARISHA: What’s your name? LAURA: His name was Thed. TALIESIN: Of course, friend, we’ve never seen you before in our entire life. MATT: “As I haven’t seen you, either.” LAURA: I didn’t take anything from your pockets. I really didn’t. TALIESIN: Does anything about his tattoo irritate me? MATT: It’s not very well done. TALIESIN: You know what I mean. MATT: Yeah. No. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: Okay. LAURA: You really do have like a key to the grates, like an extra one? MATT: “I mean– ” He looks up behind him and says, “I’ve got mine, but I need it for my work.” TALIESIN: That’s fair. TRAVIS: Pretty sure we can call for someone with our– MATT: He glances over towards Nott and says, “Unless I’m mistaken, it appears you have a female friend here who could probably help you get around that anyway.” SAM: I could try. MATT: “Anyway. I bid you all adieu.” He pulls his hood up over his head and his little halfling feet quickly carry him back in the direction where you guys travel the sewer. SAM: Watch out for poo rats! MATT: (distant yell) “I’m aware!” TRAVIS: How many of these victims were other than crownsguard? Any civilians or women, children? MATT: No children. One of them appears to be a woman in her 40s or so. A lot of them appear to be dressed in heavy leathers. They may have been either coming through to try to clear up parts of the sewer; some of them look very poor, and may have come down here in hopes of scavenging whatever had fallen down into the sewer and collected over time. Some of them appear to be similarly dressed as Thed, or at least have a somewhat skulking-type demeanor about their wares. MARISHA: Anybody have any neck tattoos that look like serpents? MATT: No. There are a handful that look like they probably have traveled this route before and got caught up in it. TRAVIS: Well, what did you find on the bodies? Sorry. MARISHA: No– are– go ahead. TRAVIS: Yeah. What did we find? LIAM: There was a bunch of weapons and armor. TRAVIS: Nice. TALIESIN: And some coin. TRAVIS: Anything unique? Any unique things? TALIESIN: Why don’t we get into some daylight and take a look? TRAVIS: Sure. LIAM: We should reconnoiter to look at what we have. LAURA: Anything else interesting in the room, outside of the bodies? MATT: Outside of the bodies? It looks like there is broken bits of what would have been furniture or a cart at some time that got discarded or shoved down here from above. Other than that, just the general refuse you’ve come across down here in the sewer. TALIESIN: We do have a spider body to pick. TRAVIS: Can I happen to see– am I able to see the guy with all the tattoos of ships and stuff? MATT: Yeah, you see him. TRAVIS: Oh, cool. Do I recognize any of the names of ships, or any imagery? MATT: Make an investigation check on that. TRAVIS: Ugh. 11. MATT: Okay. Looking about them, and what you can rummage through, he’s pretty much naked other than his underoos. Looking through, there’s like the Midnight Lorry, you don’t recognize that name at all; there’s one of them that’s the Shell Carrier, don’t recognize that one. There’s one name that catches your attention; it was called the Pink Giver, and it came through your ports at one point. You remember it coming into port, you were paid to take care of it, offload things, back on– The name itself was derived by a wooden carving at the front bow of the ship that was of a mermaid with her arms extended that was gifting a human heart that was painted with this vibrant pink color that was its signifying visual. Yeah. Other than that, nothing particular about it, just that you were like, “Oh yes, I know that ship.” TRAVIS: Yeah. ASHLEY: Is the Broken Howl on there? LAURA: Aww. MATT: It’s on the back. LIAM: Throwback! ASHLEY: That looks like a piece of shit ship. (laughter) TALIESIN: (sings) Continuity. Roll for continuity. MARISHA: Beau turns to Nott. Hey girl. SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: That little code you were talking. SAM: (clicks tongue) MARISHA: See any of that written around these walls, or something that looks similar to it? SAM: I can look around. Thieves’ Cant is a written or spoken thing? LAURA: Both. MATT: It’s almost universally spoken, and as a language it’s used for extended ciphers. Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Can I help him out, see if I spot anything? Give him an assisted roll? MATT: You can, if you want to assist him. SAM: 19. MATT: You have advantage on it because she’s helping you. SAM: 19. MATT: Okay. Glancing about, you can see behind the rungs, there’s about a two-inch gap across the wall. There is a very, very faint scratch into it that says, although not referring directly to yours, it says “Money pot.” MARISHA: Money pot? MATT: Yes. SAM: (whispers) Money pot? (louder) It says, “Money pot!” MATT: Which catches you off-guard, because you’re like, “That’s one of our–” SAM: That’s one of our one-shots! MARISHA: What, what? SAM: That’s one of our things, but that’s not– it can’t– it’s not us. We weren’t down here before, were we? TRAVIS: Insight check. (laughter) LAURA: I wonder if this grate leads up into the Tri-Spires, then. Maybe it means lots of rich people are up here. SAM: Maybe. Maybe this is the name– maybe they’ve named all the entrances and exits or something like that. LAURA: Maybe. Easy pickings. TALIESIN: Maybe they buried something here. LAURA: If they don’t allow the criminals in, then they’d be real easy to pickpocket, because no one would expect it. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: One way to find out. SAM: Should we try to jimmy this lock and get out? LAURA: Well, we can probably call up. We have the writ. SAM: Okay. Well, do we need to get the spider first? LAURA: Well, it’s all tied up. Me and Yasha can probably– ASHLEY: We got it, yeah. MARISHA: I’ll put a little bundle on my staff as well. LIAM: Jester, will you come look at my eyes? They feel a little bloodshot, I’m not feeling well after my encounter with the rats. LAURA: Sure. I put my hands on either side of his face. Can I see anything weird? LIAM: Wait, come over here. TALIESIN: I’m walking over with this, too. LIAM: Come over here. I walk away from the group. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: I don’t know if she follows me or not. LAURA: I do, I do. LIAM: There was gold in there. I would like you to have it. It’s more than I had before. Here is 100 gold were on those people, so you take it because I know that you need money. LAURA: Caleb, I don’t– LIAM: I know that you need money, and I’m very, you know, look at this. And I do a little joke. LAURA: Those are really, really strong. LIAM: That’s sad and funny at the same time. You carry the gold, because I can’t carry it all. LAURA: Okay, but I’m not keeping it just for me, you know. LIAM: That’s fine. LAURA: It’s for both of us. LIAM: Well, that’s why you wanted money, I assume, from your mother, was to help us out in the position we’re in. LAURA: Of course. LIAM: Yeah, so you take this, you’re a better, you know, I’m always thinking about things, and I’m not very good with amounts and money. So you carry it. LAURA: Caleb. Thank you. And I’m sorry. LIAM: You know, I just had a really bad day today, that’s all it was. I guess I’m sorry as well. LAURA: Do you need curing, though? Because your eyes do look bloodshot. LIAM: No, that was, I’m fine. I’m going to stare at the wall because I don’t know how to deal with attention very well. MATT: While this is happening, what are you guys doing? TALIESIN: I’m waiting for them to break up, and I suppose we’re packing the spider up to bring topside. ASHLEY: I really hide the money that I found. SAM: I’m taking at least one button off of every single person in the– MATT: Easy enough to do. You have quite a collection going. SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: I’m just waiting. MATT: You guys have reconvened, you’ve gathered your things, the spider has been– all the legs have been pulled up and wrapped and you have either Beau’s staff or something else to lift it with on both sides, because it’s pretty heavy, it’s going to take two of you to carry. LAURA: All right, we’ll carry it. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: It would have to be you two, it’s pretty strong. The two of you lift it. ASHLEY: Are we the strongest? LAURA: Oh my gosh, yes. ASHLEY: Oh! (laughter) MATT: So where are you guys going? LAURA: Because you have a big lollipop to carry. SAM: We’ve got to go up. LAURA: Up these things, into the money pot. MATT: Okay. So. Who’s going first? TRAVIS: Nott? LAURA: Well, somebody that can talk to the guards. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Nott. SAM: I don’t know, guys. All right, I’ll try. (shouting) Hello? We’re stuck down here, and we want to come up. Let us out of the sewers. Let us up! MATT: As you climb up, Nott, and look through, the sun has set, and the night has gone purple to dark, navy blue as night has taken it. You glance up through and you’re looking out into a dark alleyway. You see two sides of an alley, shaded and dark. About maybe 25 feet ahead, it opens up into a fine cobblestone road. You can see fine buildings across the way, you see the lanterns are light in the center of the town. You have not been to this part of the town, but it’s pretty well kept, and no one seems to be immediately around to hear you. LAURA: Is it locked? MATT: It is locked. LAURA: Can you pick the lock? SAM: Oh, yeah. MATT: Go ahead and make a lock picking check. SAM: What is that, sleight of hand? MATT: No, it’s your thieves’ tools, so your proficiency bonus plus your dex bonus. SAM: Dex bonus is four, proficiency is three, plus 12 is– MATT: Well, two, isn’t it? LAURA: Yeah, I think it’s just two right now. SAM: Oh, it’s just two? Okay. MATT: It’d be six. SAM: 18. MATT: 18. It takes a moment, and you have to reach around the other side and it opens up, and the bars push open. The gap here, into the back of this alleyway, is about two feet tall. Each of you can get out comfortably. That spider is going to need some squeezing. TALIESIN: We’ll give it a push. SAM: We can move it up first. MATT: You guys, one by one, get up back topside. You manage to push it through. It damages the body, parts of it break and slide off, it’s not designed to fill through that space, but it’s still mostly intact. MARISHA: I’m imagining the Play-doh fun factories. MATT: Not quite that bad, but it definitely doesn’t look as pretty on the other side. TALIESIN: I hang back for a second, and I very quickly, gently, socially pin Caleb to the wall. Face to face, as awkwardly close as I can get. LIAM: I am definitely not looking you in the eye. TALIESIN: No, you’re not. Hey, Caleb. I’m fine if you skim something off the top, that’s fair, but be clever about it. Just distribute 60 or 70 percent of what you find, okay? Good boy. Give him a little slap on the face, and then I go up. LIAM: Nothing from me. MATT: So you all eventually gather up at the top, street side. It’s completely dark, the night sky is above you, you can see the warm lantern light across the various street intersections, and along the path in front of the various buildings. You definitely recognize this, Jester. This is indeed the Tri-Spires district. LAURA: Hey you guys, this is where my hotel is. TRAVIS: Oh. Well, wasn’t the plan to have a, what did you call it? MARISHA: (shouting) Room party! LIAM: What time of the day is it? MATT: It is night, it is freshly night. LIAM: But what time of the day is it, because I know. TALIESIN: Party time. LIAM: Very, very close to what time it is. I know sundown, sunup. MATT: Yeah, it’s sundown. I’d say with the time it took you to scavenge the bodies, about 30 or 40 minutes after the sun’s set completely. LIAM: What time does the sun set? TRAVIS: Oh Jesus Christ. Garmin over here. LAURA: Are you trying to figure out if the stores are still open? LIAM: Does it look dark? Of course I am. MARISHA: We can’t ask Siri here, we don’t know. LIAM: That’s the feat I took. It’s Siri. Does it look like stores are open? That’s all I’m asking. MATT: Yeah, probably. I mean, in this district, shops are still open past sundown for a little bit, but the later in the evening it gets, many of them close down. Some shops stay open later, you don’t know. LIAM: Let’s go to this room party you are talking about. SAM: Wait, to get the spider inside the hotel, we’ll need a clever disguise for it. A hat, a beard, perhaps. LAURA: Good call. I’ll get out my disguise kit and put a mustache on the spider. LIAM: Also, Nott, mask up for sure, yeah? For sure. Maybe earmuffs, it’s very cold. SAM: I could do a spell and make myself look like someone else. LIAM: That did not work very well for me several hours ago, I think maybe you want to use tangible things here. Use the earmuffs, use the hat, use the mask. SAM: Mask and earmuffs should make me look just perfect. LIAM: You also have a hood, so it’s nighttime, with the hood up, in the dark, yeah? SAM: I like it. LAURA: It’s really bright and shiny in the hotel, though. TRAVIS: If I may, you raise a good point, Nott. If we for some reason get caught being where we’re not supposed to, I think that writ only allows us to kill this beast and return it for the coin. LIAM: Yeah, we’re not supposed to be here. TRAVIS: I would not want to gamble with our reward of 700 gold. Perhaps we should leave and collect our reward and then find our revelries elsewhere. MARISHA: I mean, to be fair, we know how to get here through the sewers now, we can always come back. TRAVIS: This is a good point. LAURA: Should we just make it straight– MARISHA: Make a beeline? LAURA: Just go straight and just stay. TRAVIS: We can walk. LAURA: Yeah, let’s go straight out and leave and go to the Crownsguard. TRAVIS: Yeah, the King’s Hall. MARISHA: Let’s do it. LAURA: Maybe we should shut the gate up and then lock it. SAM: Good idea. LAURA: So they don’t know. MATT: So you remark it, you close it. You guys step out into the main street, and you’ve traveled through here before, you immediately think, oh that’s where the nearest exit gate in the direction of the hall would be. You guys get about a block before two of the patrolling crownsguard stop and look at this troupe of people walking with a giant, brutalized spider, bright white and blue. TRAVIS: Dinner. MATT: Immediately jogs up, both of them. “Excuse me, what are you doing here?” LAURA: Oh yes, don’t worry, we’re staying at the Pillow Trove, but we have this very beautiful writ. MATT: Takes the writ, and they both look at it. The other one has his hand on the side of his blade, each looking very closely at each of you. And you are a motley lot. Going through all of you, sneering a bit in the direction of Caleb. LIAM: I have a hood on. MATT: Yeah. A bit frightened at the vision of Yasha, and confused at the sight of Mollymauk. He finishes reading the writ. “Okay, very well, but we will escort you to the gates and you can "continue this on to the hall.” LAURA: Thank you! MATT: “How did you get this in here?” LAURA: Oh, we are really powerful. MARISHA: We’re the Mighty Nein. LAURA: We killed it! We took care of the monster problem. MATT: Looks back at the other guard, and they share a brief glance. “Right, very well. Let us "leave, then.” They escort you towards the entrance. The opening gate where you guys had passed through, you move through and out into the Interstead Sprawl, at the exact gates where you guys had entered, or you had entered, and you had attempted the night before. LIAM: Yeah, on the way there, too, I also turn to one of these guards and say, excuse me, could you point me where we are, right now, which way to the Nestled Nook from here. You’ve heard of this bookstore? MATT: “I didn’t, well, the Nestled Nook, did you say?” LIAM: You don’t have to pretend with me, it’s fine. MATT: He points over that way, he goes, “To the south side of the Silken Terrace, look for the "small greenish hut-looking building.” LIAM: Thank you. LAURA: We’re going to clean up, we’ll be back. This is not normally how we dress, ugh, we were in the sewers. MATT: They escort you out. (laughs) Get you quickly out of the district carrying a giant, bloodied, awful-looking spider. As you’re making your way, some of the folks that are walking through start gasping at the sight, and whispering to each other, pointing. Some begin to approach, and somebody else grabs their shoulder, and pulls them back. You become this slow-moving sight through this district. TRAVIS: Yeah, Mighty Nein, stay back. Nein. (laughter) MATT: All right, you guys eventually make your way back to the hall. LIAM: You know, I grew up with this language. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: So you’re outside the King’s Hall. As you approach, some of the guards rush up to you and, “Hail! What do you carry and bring here to the– What is this thing?” TALIESIN: These papers? Oh, that’s a spider. LAURA: The evil monster that was killing everything. MARISHA: Yeah, you might want to send someone to collect your dead too, by the by. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Quite a few. MATT: You bring him in. Some more of the guards begin to gather around and then Voloshin is pulled from his interior office somewhere. As he steps forward he says, “All right, they tell me–oh, "goodness me! That’s a beastie.” He tugs on the end of his chin beard for a second. “So this is it, "this is the one?” TRAVIS: Indeed, in fact it would turn invisible when it wasn’t trying to stick its fangs into all of our gang. MATT: (shouting) “Someone wake up Cloen!” MARISHA: Who the hell is Cloyde? MATT: “Cloen, and he was the one survived–” MARISHA: Cloyde? MATT: Cloen. ASHLEY: Cloyne? MARISHA: Cloine. MATT: Clo-en. MARISHA: That is not what I heard at all. TRAVIS: With that accent, all those letters disappear. TALIESIN: There’s also an egg sac that got taken care of. LAURA: Oh my gosh, lots and lots and lots of baby spiders. MATT: He goes to the other guards, “Go down there, double check, make sure everything is good, go.” Eventually you watch as another guard is brought in. He has a night shirt on, and he looks like he was woken up, he’s a little drowsy. “What’s going on, I– oh! That thing, that’s the "thing!” He looks immediately scared. He goes, “Great, send him back to bed. Well, that’s "what we needed.” MARISHA: Send him back to bed? You should let that guy go for leave for medical absence, that’s rough, man. MATT: “You look like just the person I would take advice from when it comes to administrating my people.” TRAVIS: Don’t punch him, don’t, no. MARISHA: No, he’s got a fair point. I’ll give him that. TALIESIN: You don’t look like an administrator, I mean, that’s actually almost a compliment. MARISHA: You know, yeah, it’s fair. MATT: “I’m impressed, I will go ahead and retrieve your payments to the Mighty Seven.” LAURA and TRAVIS: Nein. TRAVIS: We lost two in the sewers. (laughter) MATT: “I’m sorry to hear that, that’s terrible.” TALIESIN: Extra pay would soften the blow. MATT: Make a deception check. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh yeah. I’m moderately okay at this! Oh no! MARISHA: Oh, come on! Oh, it’s not too bad. TRAVIS: Okay, deception, where the fuck is it? Oh, it’s 11. MATT: He goes, “That’s really too bad. Anyway, I’ll be right back.” LAURA: We have armor too, of some of your fallen people, will you reward us for that, thank you! MARISHA: Yeah, you can buy it back for us or we can go pawn it, your choice. MATT: “That is property of the Crown, thank you very much.” MARISHA: Well, unfortunately, it’s property in her bag right now, and it’s real tough to get out of that bag. LAURA: Beau! SAM: Don’t tell them about the bag. LAURA: Stop it, we’re about to get our reward, stop being a shithead right now. MARISHA: Sorry, fair. MATT: “If you would be as kind to remember these fallen soldiers who protect you and the people of "this city, by delivering unto us the armor and weaponry that they had been lost with, I would be "happy to go forward with delivering your reward.” TRAVIS: Who picked up all those items, anyway? LAURA: I have them. Here’s two sets of armor. MATT: Two of the guards collect them. LAURA: And two extra helmets. LIAM: Side note: I did not come in this building. I’m hanging back and giving Identify a whirl on what’s in my bag. That other armor. Outside. SAM: Ooh. TALIESIN: Travis will never see that card. MATT: He comes back. They bring a small chest. SAM: The card that says “give to Travis.” MATT: “700 gold pieces. Hand me the writ, please. Thank you very much, and I appreciate that,” and he sets it out and hands it to you. “So. You seem able-bodied. You’ve pulled through on something "where few have been able to. If you’re looking for more work, I’m sure we’ll have things. Bit light "at the moment, but where can we find you, if we’re looking for you?” TRAVIS: We’re staying over at the– LAURA: Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: Although some of us were taking up at a room at the– LAURA: At the Pillow Trove, yes. MATT: (laughing) “Of course you do. Leaky Tap, good to know. All right, now shove off.” LAURA: What does that mean, “of course you do?” MATT: Well, of course you do. ASHLEY: She has a room there. MATT: Of course she does. LAURA: I do have a room there! I pull out my key. I have a room. MATT: Ah. Fair play. Now, shove off. LAURA: I don’t know why it mattered. (laughter) TRAVIS: 700 gold. MATT: As the Herald turns and Voloshin’s there, the guards gather the armor and the weapons and stuff. LAURA: Just the armor. I didn’t give back the swords. MATT: Okay. Good to know. MARISHA: Nice. ASHLEY: Stick it to the man. MARISHA: Hell yeah! MATT: A voice comes through the hall and goes, “Wait. I’d like to meet them.” Voloshin stops and goes, “Of course, Lawmaster.” He steps back and, from around the side of the hall, from one of the doors on the left side of the building, a human woman comes through, in her early 60s. Once-brown hair has turned mostly gray and shoulder-length, it’s curled up a bit into a soft bob on the sides. She’s older, her face is weathered and has seen some time. She’s wearing robes of gold and white, but they seem to be not ceremonial, or at least worn enough to the point where they look like they’re worn for comfort. She steps forward, and she has these warm brown eyes that peek through this face. “Sorry to "bother all of you. Word just came to me that you were successful in taking care of this beast in "the sewers. I am Lawmaster Orentha and I just wanted to extend my thanks. It’s not often that "folks are willing to go to lengths and put their lives on the line for the honor of those fallen of "the Crownsguard, and those within the Hall of the King, so I just wanted to say I appreciate that.” TRAVIS: Of course. We appreciate the law in this town, and the services you provide. You can lean on us for any further needs you might have. MATT: “The Crown appreciates it, the people of the city appreciate it, and I appreciate it. Thank "you.” She turns around and shuffles back into the hallway. Everyone goes about their business again and begins shoving you off towards the door. LAURA: She seemed really nice. TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Why did all those people want to rebel against her? MARISHA: She’s still a part of the crownsguard. She’s still a part of the system. SAM: She seems nice, though. MARISHA: Yeah, they’re nice individually sometimes, but they’re still a part of a shitty whole. A real shithole. LAURA and TRAVIS: “A shitty hole.” SAM: There’s not a lot of shades of gray in your world, are there? It’s just shit, or not shit. MARISHA: It’s been a long day. TRAVIS: (laughs) “A shitty hole.” MATT: What’s the casting time on Identify again? LIAM: As a ritual, it’s 11 minutes. MATT: You guys would be exiting the building just as you’ve finished that process. You complete it, take a moment to think it over, and you hear them all exiting and talking to themselves, as they’re ribbing Beau on the way out. You quickly gather your things. MARISHA: Look, I don’t mean to have resting bitch face, okay? TRAVIS: Yeah, but it hasn’t changed at all. MARISHA: I’m working on it. TRAVIS: If anything, later in the day it gets worse. I’m just letting you know. LIAM: It’s not so much restive as active. TALIESIN: Yes, it’s like working bitch face. MARISHA: That’s cool. LIAM: The bag’s closed. You don’t see shit. MARISHA: You’re real quick. LIAM: I heard you coming. You’re loud. You’re a lot. And that’s Liam to Marisha. MARISHA: Oh honey, I know. (laughter) SAM: Are we each taking 100 gold? LAURA: Yes, 100 gold. I was going to wait until we got somewhere private to do it, but sure. Everyone take 100 gold. TALIESIN: Look at that. That’s brilliant. SAM: We did it, and we never have to do another adventure again. Right? TALIESIN: I don’t know about you, I’ve got goals. LIAM: Campaign three, next week. MATT: Yup. That was it, thank you for watching. TALIESIN: I’m working towards something. SAM: Towards something? What? TALIESIN: Something. SAM: What?! TALIESIN: Buy me a drink and I’ll tell you. SAM: All right. LIAM: What’s the plan now? LAURA: We all smell like poop! LIAM: To go to this place? ASHLEY: Bathhouse? LIAM: No, we are going to The Pillow House, ja? The Pillow Trove? The Pillow Place? LAURA: Yeah, but we should probably get cleaned up, because they’re just going to stop us the minute we get inside. Should we go and see Pumat Sol, and see if he’ll make us clean? TRAVIS: We do have some extra coin. Maybe he’s got some fancier shit to buy. LIAM: Also, as long as we’re in here– I couldn’t get in earlier, but we’re here now– there is a stop. I wanted you to go with me. LAURA: We’re not in the Tri-Spires anymore. LIAM: Where are we now? MATT: You guys are back at the King’s Hall, back in the Interstead Sprawl. LIAM: That’s a bummer. MARISHA: We got to shower. TRAVIS: For someone who knows the exact time of night, you are shit with directions. LIAM: That’s up to him, not me. MATT: I thought I was pretty clear. Everyone else got it. LIAM: Liam is very different than Caleb. MATT: That’s okay. MARISHA: You know memory is different than being able to tell the time of day by the sun, right? LIAM: Hm? No, I remember everything that happens in the last month. I don’t, Caleb does. I have a Clippy. I have a magic Clippy. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s fine, but time of day. LIAM: Time of day, I know. That’s part of the feat. I know the hour of the day. MARISHA: That’s bananas. You should be able to look at the sun and say, “oh, six.” LIAM: I am so cheating by following the rules in the book. MATT: I know. Right now it’s close to 8:30, 9:00. It’s still early evening-ish. TALIESIN: Dinner, and bad decisions, and cleanliness would be great. LAURA: We have to get not stinky before we eat, okay? TRAVIS: Agreed. Should we head back, clean up? SAM: Sounds good. MATT: You guys, easy enough, find your way back to The Leaky Tap, where you can utilize the washroom to get yourselves back to a personable state. LIAM: On the stroll: Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah? LIAM: I want to talk to you about how that went back there. Can we walk alone for a minute? TRAVIS: Sure, if you’d like. LIAM: Let’s drag back. Two things. One is, I didn’t bring it up, even though maybe Beauregard knows, but I found something in there that I think is up your alley. I found some armor, beyond just crownsguard armor, down there. I mean, listen, my friend. You spit out salt water. You’ve got a sword that’s covered in fucking anemones and shit. TRAVIS: I’m not repeating that word. LIAM: This armor is like the Little Mermaid armor. It’s all for you. I found it, but I would like to trade it for you. Yeah, you have that glove, and I know I handed it over willingly just yesterday, but I have a checkered past and an interesting history with flame. Fire. There’s no real reason. You’d be very good with that glove, but I feel like I would like to have that glove, and I would love for you to have this armor. I took a look at it while you guys were inside, and it would allow you to move freely in the ocean or in rivers or lakes, underwater, and keep you safe in water. TRAVIS: Wow. Wish I had that before. Yeah, I think a trade would be fine, but I’ll trade you for a story of why your past is so checkered with flame. You seem to trust in me enough to tell me about it. LIAM: I don’t trust you yet. I don’t trust any of these people yet, except for– No, I don’t trust any of these people yet. TRAVIS: That’s too bad. LIAM: Ja. I’ve made mistakes in my life. I’ve harmed people. Not in a long time. You know, I thought I was going to be something, someday, a long time ago, and now I don’t. Oh, god. Ask me again in a couple of days. I will prepare an answer that is better than this for you, I promise. TRAVIS: Sure. You know, we’ve all harmed people, but I hope that you will learn to trust me, in time, and I appreciate you sharing that. Here, I’m fairly certain that you will do far more damage with this than my shitty attempt did. LIAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: Of course. Thanks for the armor. What does it look like? (laughter) MATT: It’s a darker gray, but elements of where it’s been pressed in with leather scrolling, designed to look almost like waves curling on the outer parts of the different leather plates, have a very faint turquoise inlay color on the inside that you can only see when it’s directly lit. It looks like a very beautiful set of leather armor. There’s no arms to it, other than the bracer plates right there, there’s no sleeve. There you go. It’s got an arm guard and a bracer there, shoulder piece, the torso portion, a couple of plates that go over that, and some leg guards. TRAVIS: All good things. Thank you for this. LIAM: Thank you. No, you’ve go to go higher. TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re welcome. MARISHA: Don’t want to interrupt your “broment.” LIAM: Oh, hi. You want to be part of the bro moment? Or a Beau moment? MARISHA: I’m not here. I am not here. LIAM: I thought you were, I thought you’d walked up. LAURA: Are we going to bed, or are we what? MATT: What are you guys doing? TRAVIS: We’re going to get clean first, because good god, we’re going to clear out that fucking tavern. MATT: We’ll say you got clean for the expediency of the story. We don’t have to roleplay through your bathing individually. TRAVIS: But Matt– MATT: Unless you really want to. Always stop me if you want to have a moment. LIAM: We went to the bathhouse to get clean? MATT: No, you went back to The Leaky Tap. LIAM: By the way, part of the reason I didn’t wash up at The Leaky Tap is because, in medieval times, they didn’t have baths. I thought, this isn’t the Sheraton, they don’t have a bath. LAURA: We’re pretending that there’s a bath. MATT: This isn’t medieval times. In the fantasy world, it’s a weird mixture of different time periods, and when I say they have a washroom, I mean it’s a basin with water that is replaced every couple hours that people communally come up and wash in. It’s not the cleanest water, and it’s probably been used by other people as well, and if you bathe fully in it, it might be changed before the next two or three people use it. LIAM: I was under the assumption that you had to be de Rolo level to have a bath in your house. MATT: In your house. They have one washroom for the multitude of rooms the entire tavern has, and the water is changed every few hours, maybe. That’s what I’m saying. But it’s functional. LAURA: That’s why we should have gone to Pumat Sol’s. TALIESIN: That’s why people have bathhouses, to clean up. SAM: When Fjord’s taking a bath, I’m going to go through his stuff and try to find his letter. LAURA: His letter? SAM: The letter for the Solstryce Academy. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and make a stealth check. SAM: Not good. 15. MATT: 15? Would you have taken your stuff in with you? TALIESIN: Or would I still be in the room? MATT: Molly would probably still be in the room. SAM: I got to stealth past Molly, or get him out of the room. MATT: You do. Make a perception check, Molly. TRAVIS: I’m certainly not trying to hide it. TALIESIN: Let’s call that a 20. MATT: You watch as Nott slowly creeps into the room, heading over towards Fjord’s pack. SAM: Ooh. TALIESIN: Whatcha doing? SAM: (yells) There’s no liquor in here, oh boy, I better go down to the bar. TALIESIN: What were you looking for? SAM: Nothing. Liquor. TALIESIN: Were you looking for this? I hold up a folded piece of paper. SAM: (gasps) TALIESIN: What will you give me for it? SAM: I’ll give you a whole gold piece. TALIESIN: No, something– I don’t want money, I want something, give me something. SAM: Two gold pieces! TALIESIN: Not gold pieces. What do you have? SAM: Let me look– (laughter) SAM: I have a vial of acid. TALIESIN: That’ll do. (laughter) SAM: What is this? TALIESIN: It’s a blank piece of paper. SAM: Ah, fuck you! (laughter) SAM: Maybe it’s invisible ink. TALIESIN: I hand back the acid. Don’t try and go through his stuff, you’re just going to get caught. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: What did we talk about grumpy people? SAM: You’re right, he’s not very grumpy. He should be. If I barfed up salt water every morning I would be grumpy. TALIESIN: Maybe if he spends more time around Beau he’ll get grumpier. SAM: You know what, I think he is grumpy, but he stands next to Beau so much that he looks happy. (laughter) TRAVIS: Grumpy-ass wingman makes me look better in comparison. MATT: I mean. TALIESIN: That’s a fair point. I stand up. Don’t go through my things, I know everything I have. And I walk out the door. And I walk by him. She’s going through your stuff, by the way. TRAVIS: Who? Which one? TALIESIN: I’ve already walked away. TRAVIS: I shuffle in with like a towel. Nott! What the fuck! (laughter) TRAVIS: Get out! SAM: I’m sorry! TRAVIS: Shoo! Shoo! (laughter) TRAVIS: Son of a bitch! TALIESIN: I am downstairs having a drink. (laughter) MATT: All right. You finish your baths, you all convene down in the tavern. Yeah. When you guys come down there and begin to reconvene, about two tables away you see, sitting alone with a tankard, a familiar dwarven figure to both Beau and Fjord. MARISHA: Oh, wait. MATT: Ulog, who you had met before. SAM: Ulog? MATT: Ulog, with a “G”. MARISHA: Oh, Ulog! Not “lok”? SAM: The dwarf, from the Knights of Requital. TRAVIS: Oh, with the buzzed head. MATT: Yeah, you watch as you guys approach and as soon as you all gather at the table, he gets up and walks over. MARISHA: He was the one who was super not-cool with us being there, super angry. MATT: He seemed to be, yeah. MARISHA: Wife Illiana, into it! MATT: He walks behind where Fjord and Beau are and goes, “Don’t mean to bother you, but if I could have a moment of your time, I’d like to talk.” TRAVIS: Of course. MARISHA: Yeah, man. MATT: “Excuse us.” He leads you guys back to where the cellar is. TRAVIS: (quietly) Don’t talk. MATT: You guys head back, he nods over towards your dragonborn bartender, gives him a nod, walks past, leads you down to the same cellar, it’s dark in there. There’s no light, but he lights a hooded lantern as you enter and it gives this low, mysterious atmosphere in the shadows as he spins around and goes, “I’ve been watching you a bit. You’re a curious lot. More of you than came to the meeting. Five more. Did you– and please, be honest, I’m good at telling otherwise– did you reveal any of our sentiments to your– of our moot to your companions?” MARISHA: No we did not. MATT: “Went and saw you come back to town with this spider-beast you had on your shoulders, now that’s– take it you’re pretty good with a sword, maybe? With a bow? Experienced? What’s your skill sets, if I might ask, beyond just being curious?” TRAVIS: Well, we come from all sorts of different backgrounds. I happen to be very handy at sea, know my way around a merchant area. Beau? MARISHA: I consider being curious a pretty high skill set, but since you’re asking beyond that. I’m pretty good with this here bo. Pretty good fighter. Named Beau. It’s a little redundant, to be totally honest. MATT: “That’s a little strange, not going to lie.” MARISHA: It’s kind of obnoxious. MATT: “Yeah.” MARISHA: Sometimes it irritates me. MATT: “Understood.” MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: “Curse upon ye who made that decision for you.” MARISHA: Can’t pick them. (laughter) MATT: “So you can move quickly, without a ruckus, you say?” TRAVIS: At times, we can be quite quiet. MATT: “And your friends, do they share our sentiments?” TRAVIS: I would say it’s safe to say that they don’t have sentiments opposed to yours. MARISHA: Indifference is a pretty strong sentiment. MATT: (sighing) “Listen. If you indeed have a heart for goodness in this world, and you want to make a difference, we’re moving on to something soon that I think we could use your aid on. You and your companions. Blast, if you need payments, I’ve got coin I can muster, and I see you do work for coin. I have few others of us who can chip in as well. Other than myself, most of the Knights of Zadash are unskilled in the ways of the arm. We’re willing to raise a voice, but not much of a fist, or backing up a word with strength. I’m willing to make it worth your time.” “You don’t have to answer now. Tomorrow at midnight, me and a few others from the group, the decision makers, we’re meeting back down here. If you’re in, bring your friends, we can all talk. Give you more information about what’s going on, and you can say yes or no at your leisure. But I think we have a chance to really do something good in this city. To change part of the status quo. To root out some of the unworthy at the top. Think on it.” TRAVIS: Just letting you know that coin always helps, but we did see the posting outside the King’s Hall about uprisings against the Empire. It seems the heat on your group might be quite intense. MATT: “We’re not against the Empire. It protects us. There are good things about it. What we’re against are the people that abuse the system. There are a handful in this town and their time is up.” TRAVIS: What cancers are you looking to remove? I would tell you that tomorrow night, the devil lies in the details, and that will depend. MATT: “Your curiosity is piqued. Come by. We’ll talk.” MARISHA: What makes you think that now is the right time for all of this? MATT: “Well, we’ve been talking for a very long time, and there is a shift coming that we want to ride the wave of. I’ll let Dolan tell you the details tomorrow. Anyway.” He snuffs the lantern. “Good night.” TRAVIS: Good night. MARISHA: (shouting) Oh god, stubbed my toe! TRAVIS: Wow. That was really good. Like, you didn’t act like a total shitfuck. MARISHA: Thanks. I was trying to not show my emotions on my face. TRAVIS: Whatever it was, yeah, lock it in. That was great. Really nice. MARISHA: Yeah, thank you. I’m trying to get better at it. Yeah. TRAVIS: That was promising. MARISHA: What do you think? TRAVIS: About that? I mean, shit, I can’t really speak to it. I have to figure out what they want to do tomorrow. MARISHA: In my experience, it doesn’t matter if he thinks he’s fucking with the Empire or not. The Empire is going to look at it as fucking with them, and that never ends well. TRAVIS: That’s right. If it’s amateur hour, we’re going to be shooting ourselves in the foot. MARISHA: Last thing we want to do is take the fall for these assholes. TRAVIS: No joke. Especially since we just got here. MARISHA: And he’s talking like he wants us to be the fist to his voice. What the fuck is that? TRAVIS: Yeah, what the fuck? MARISHA and TRAVIS: (sigh) TRAVIS: Beer? MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: All right. You guys reconvene with the rest of the group. LAURA: So. I walked in and the guy was like– you know, he had his arms above his head, he was chained to the bed, right? He didn’t know where he left the key! I know I don’t even know how long he’d been there. TALIESIN: Well he forgot that he put it there! You think you’d still feel that. SAM: He paid for that service? LAURA: Oh, people will pay for all sorts of weird things. SAM: Wow. LAURA: Oh, hi guys! TRAVIS: Hey. MARISHA: 'Sup. TRAVIS: I wasn’t sure what our next engagement might be, but it seems like we might not have to wait that long. SAM: Did we get another job offer? TRAVIS: Well, not through the city per se, but remember that group that we joined the other day? LAURA: The cult? The orgy cult? TRAVIS: No that is not at all, no, no. We joined their meeting, right? We did not join them, we didn’t participate– MARISHA: We sampled. TRAVIS: We were in the presence of an attended meeting of individuals. LAURA: So they offered you money? LIAM: More of a voyeuristic position that we’re talking about here. LAURA: They offered you money to join in. TRAVIS: Maybe it’s just us, we just go, fuck these other– TALIESIN: No no no! SAM: What do they want you to do? LIAM: You kept your eyes wide shut, is what you’re saying. SAM: Come on, what’s the fidelio? TALIESIN: Well done! Oh, that was terrible. TRAVIS: Tomorrow evening there’s going to be a meeting of that same group and they would like to hire our services. LAURA: Don’t you think it’s stupid to say all of this right here? TRAVIS: Why? Am I speaking real loud? MARISHA: Are we in the tavern? MATT: You guys are in the tavern at the table, but you’re keeping your voices somewhat discreet. MARISHA: Is anyone watching? MATT: No one seems to be paying immediate attention. TRAVIS: Do you want me to write it down? LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: Okay. I’ll write it down for Jester, but for everybody else– (laughter) TRAVIS: Tomorrow at midnight, we’re going to see what it is they want to do, and if the money’s right and if it’s not stupid. LIAM: “If the money’s right and if it’s not stupid” is a good philosophy for this group. LAURA: How can we be sure he’s telling the truth? MARISHA: He didn’t tell us a lot of anything. LAURA: But how do you know that he isn’t setting you up to be turned into the Crownsguard? TALIESIN: Exactly what she said. TRAVIS: Well, since it’s in the same place, it’s in the same cellar, I figure you guys can keep watch above while we’re getting info down below. We don’t all need to be down in the same place. LIAM: We can have my cat tomorrow to link the two groups. TRAVIS: Where’s your cat? LIAM: Oh boy, he got kicked to shit today. MARISHA: Sorry, I didn’t mean to– LAURA: Like kicked to death? LIAM: Well, you know, it’s hazy because he’s never really kicked to death, he’s just kicked off of the material plane. MARISHA: He got kicked into another dimension! LIAM: I’m not going to lie, it does hurt when he’s gone, but I always know he can come back if I have the coin. TRAVIS: Was it one kick? Just one. MARISHA: Oh, it’s not funny. LIAM: It’s a little funny. Frumpkin has a good sense of humor about it. TRAVIS: You’d have to, you get kicked into a fucking other dimension. MARISHA: But who kicks a fucking cat? LIAM: Exactly! Who kicks a fucking cat exactly is my point! You can do a lot of things and have a very bad day but who kicks a cat?! TRAVIS: Did you get a name or a face, I mean, are we going– LIAM: Oh, he had such a face. I will never forget this face. (laughter) MARISHA: We’ll beat his ass later. LIAM: Maybe. MARISHA: We’ll beat his ass later. TALIESIN: Well, it’s inevitable if you kick a cat you’re going to end badly. That’s just how it works. LIAM: I mean you might as well be at home picking the wings off flies, you kick a cat, what is wrong with you? LAURA: Wait a minute, is it wrong to pick wings off flies? Because that’s not– TRAVIS: That’s really hard to do, very small and hard to catch. LAURA: Not if they’re already dead, then you can pick the wings off super duper easily. TALIESIN: Oh sure, if they’re already dead, just go for it. MARISHA: You know what we used to do as kids, we used to take fireflies and crush them and make glow jewelry. When they’d light up, and you’d crush them right as they light up, and then you can make glowing war paint. LAURA: What’s a firefly? MARISHA: It’s a thing that happens on the east coast. TRAVIS: And in the south. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s a southern thing. LIAM: And in New Jersey. LAURA: Oh wow. TALIESIN: Is this a thing that really happens? LIAM: On second thought, who am I to judge? It’s fine! You know, Frumpkin will be back tomorrow morning because I am going to stay up late and do what I have to do, but aren’t we going to have a rager tonight at this place in the fancy part of town? LAURA: Oh yeah, we can go back to the Pillow Trove and all hang out and sleep in the same room if you want. TRAVIS: Wait, so we all just got clean and we’re going to get back into the sewers to get to the Tri-Spires? SAM: Is this room that you rented gigantic? LAURA: No, it’s kind of little, actually. You guys, it’s really little, actually. LIAM: But really nice, you said? MARISHA: But you paid for it! LIAM: You paid for it! You know, you don’t want it to go to waste. There’s probably a very nice sitting room or tavern or something underneath this place. It’s a shame to let it go to waste. LAURA: Yeah we all look nice enough, they might let us in. If not, let’s all go– ASHLEY: Kill them. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: What? What? ASHLEY: I’m kidding. SAM: Oh, okay. LAURA: Sure, we walk back to the guards and I show them the key. Can we get in? MATT: For the sake of brevity? Since it’s getting late and I want us to get to a good ending point tonight, they will let you in but nobody else. TALIESIN: But she paid for the whole night with all of us! MARISHA: It’s a posse! TALIESIN: I try to look him right in the eye when I say that. MATT: It’s not the same guards you met before, and they take your key but they look towards the rather rough-looking, large, scary barbarian woman, they look towards the very shifty-looking multicolored tiefling they look past the, while he is wearing a cloak, still rough, grimy-looking wizard, and they begin to fixate directly on the tiny green, but white mask-skinned halfling creature thing in earmuffs that’s squinting very hard and they begin to really pry in that direction before you start thinking this is not going to go well if I keep going– LAURA: All right. MARISHA: Well, maybe– Don’t let us hold you down, if you want to go enjoy? LAURA: Oh, I don’t really want to stay in there alone. TRAVIS: How about we dive bar it tonight, then? MARISHA: Being alone is sucky, right? TALIESIN: Roll for random bar. MATT: You know one dive. LAURA: The Evening Nip. TALIESIN: No work, let’s go make an ass of ourselves at the Evening Nip. MARISHA: Okay, no questions. Just scouting them out. Yeah yeah. TALIESIN: Scout it out. I think that’s a great idea. LIAM: (singing) Bar wars, nothing but bar wars! MATT: All righty. Let me pull this up real fast. Easy enough to find! You head to another section of the Interstead sprawl– MARISHA: Have we been here yet? MATT: No, you have not been. You come to what is a small, dark-wood, rough and tumble dive bar with two very dangerous-looking guards at the outside. You see these thicker human guys, one who is completely bald, pale skin, big square chin that looks like it’s been broken in multiple places who has his arms crossed. The other one looks to be a spindly guy who’s sitting there, daggers sheathed on both sides, and they both watch you as you enter and they both just stare. MARISHA: They’re bouncers, like rough bouncers at that bar. MATT: Yeah. Which is interesting, because you expect for them to go through that it would be a really rowdy place but it’s very quiet. You walk inside and aside from the central candle-lit chandelier that is almost obtrusively laid from a low ceiling with a number of small booths that are built out of wood as well, it has a classic Old-England pub feel, but everything smells of dried beers and ale and rotted wood. You only see two other patrons in there that are at separate booths drinking alone, and across the way you see this very, very old dwarf with half of his beard burned away and this perpetual grimace. He’s sitting there looking out. As you enter, he perks up, “Aye. Can I help you?” MARISHA: He’s the bartender? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: We’ll take a round of your house ale, if you don’t mind. TRAVIS: Start a tab, we’re looking to tie one on tonight. We’re celebrating. MATT: “If I can ask what you’re celebrating?” TRAVIS: Killed a fucking giant invisible spider, friend. MATT: “That’s a pretty good reason to celebrate. Drinks coming right up.” He goes and gets you guys a number of drinks. The basest, most bitter ale you’ve had, but it’s functional. TRAVIS: I appreciate that. Can I ask your name? MATT: “They call me Clive.” MARISHA: Clive. MATT: “Clive Bens, and this is my bar.” TRAVIS: Nice to meet you, Clive. MATT: “Pleasure as well.” TRAVIS: Noticed some tough-looking types out front. MATT: “Never be too careful. Dangerous times. Riots breaking out in the cities in the empire. Folks coming through, you got to be prepared. Don’t want to be taken advantage of.” MARISHA: You been hit by any riots? MATT: “No, but that’s why. I keep my front.” His eyes are locked in on you. MARISHA: I was about to say, why– TRAVIS: I know, I know! LAURA: Does he look, like, mean at Fjord? MATT: No, it’s just kind of creepy. TRAVIS: He’s just locked in. MARISHA: Hey, is green your favorite color or something? MATT: “Sorry, just don’t get a lot of your types in here.” LAURA: What is his type? TRAVIS: Orc-ish blood. MATT: “Pretty.” LAURA: Pretty! See, Fjord, you’re just so handsome. TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester. Clive, we’re not looking for any trouble. MATT: “Then don’t start any. Finish your drinks. Enjoy.” He slips them out. MARISHA: Thanks, man. SAM: This place sucks. LAURA: Yeah, maybe not the best place to celebrate, just putting it out there. LIAM: That guy is socially awkward. TRAVIS: Is there any music or is it just low murmured conversation? MATT: There’s no conversation. Two people at separate booths that are drinking by themselves and they’re all looking at you. MARISHA: Yeah, what do they look like? TRAVIS: We walked into the Russian Mafia! MARISHA: Yeah we did! This is a mob bar. LIAM: This is Fight Club, really. TRAVIS: Do you have a menu? You don’t, you don’t. MARISHA: Do you have any beers on tap? Oh no, just the two? Okay. Interesting. Feels like this is a front. MATT: There’s two other guys, one of them is a younger, plump human male, has a tuft of a red and grey goatee at the end of his chin. No hair on top of his head. The other guy looks to be human as well, he’s older in his forties, he glances over at you, he’s clutching a tankard, and you can see he has a very familiar tattoo around his neck. TRAVIS: The tattoo is familiar or he’s familiar? MATT: The tattoo. It’s not him, but it’s the tattoo. LIAM: Show me your tats. MATT: Yeah. You don’t know if it’s directly the same, but it’s a similar tattoo to Thed who you met earlier. LAURA: Maybe you should ask him about his tattoos since you have tattoos as well. TALIESIN: Just because someone has tattoos doesn’t mean they know everyone who has a tattoo. These are very different tattoos. TRAVIS: Does the floor look barren? Wood? Any rugs, coverings? LIAM: How big is this place? MATT: This place is maybe 20 feet by 30 feet. It’s very small. The floor appears to be wood boards, there are a couple doors that leave into a kitchen or storage area. It’s a tiny fucking dive. LAURA: Like, unless we’re going to do this we should get out. SAM: Should we just do this, then? TRAVIS: We did a little recon. MARISHA: Yeah. Maybe we finish our drink and move on for now. LAURA: Just go back to The Leaky Tap and then, you know. TALIESIN: We learned something today. TRAVIS: Have we slept after our spider bite? MATT: You guys finish your terrible ale, and you leave. LAURA: This is awful, and I don’t want it. MARISHA: I pound it for her. MATT: “Thanks for coming by, have a good night.” LAURA: Thank you, Clive Bens! MATT: You guys leave, and the two guards watch you leave. ASHLEY: Nobody wants to stay? (laughter) SAM: Do you want to stay, Yasha? I’ll stay with you if you want. ASHLEY: I quite like it here. MATT: I’m thirsty and have been out of water and I keep going to drink nothing that’s there. I do it so much and I hate it! MARISHA: Can someone fly us in some water for the DM? MATT: It’s fine! Because as you– TRAVIS: Are these your type of people? ASHLEY: I do like these people a lot. LIAM: Let’s play for another six hours. TALIESIN: Six more hours? Let’s make it so they have to break this into like five YouTube videos. MATT: Do you guys leave? SAM: Yes, we leave. Take it away, Matt. MATT: Okay. You gather your things up you leave out into the street to go onto the next leg of your evening adventure and that’s where we’ll close tonight’s episode. (groaning) MATT: It is 11:00, we’ll pick up next week as you guys are leaving the Evening Nip to whatever other business you want to go towards. MARISHA: We learned so much today, you guys. TALIESIN: I feel like we all grew as people. LIAM: I don’t want to stop! LAURA: I know, I feel like it’s just at home and we can just like– MARISHA: Keep going. Feel like we were on a roll! ASHLEY: Can we do it just us at home? TRAVIS: With some quiches, and some mimosas– MARISHA: Some lox and bagels! MATT: I feel like it would be wonderful, and I feel like there would be a lot of very angry, disappointed people. LIAM: Charlie the dog. TALIESIN: Charlie farting in the corner. LAURA: He’s so stinky now. MATT: I know, he’s old and stinky! SAM: “My name is Clive Bens.” (laughter) That was the roughest of old biker bars. All right, guys. Thank you so much always a pleasure. Pick this up next week, wish it was sooner! You guys, thank you so much, have a wonderful night, we’ll see you on the internet. Until then– SAM: Yeah if anyone wants to come see me sing a cappella at the University of Virginia on Saturday night– ALL: What?! SAM: Anyway, good night, guys! ALL: What?! LIAM: That’s not a surprise! Sam has deep a cappella roots! You all know that! SAM: I’ll be performing in a college a cappella concert on Saturday night. TALIESIN: You are not. LAURA: That’s so cool! MARISHA: Where in Virginia? SAM: Charlottesville. LIAM: What’s the address, though? SAM: I don’t know the address. TRAVIS: University of Virginia, you’ll find it. MATT: And on that note, folks, have a wonderful night, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Welcome. Before we get started tonight, we’re going to get through some quick announcements. First and foremost, we have two sponsors tonight. Number one, our fresh sponsor for the evening is the fantastic upcoming film by the fantastic, glorious Guillermo del Toro, Pacific Rim. Uprising. TRAVIS: I got that! Pacific Rim Uprising. It’s going to be in theaters, RealD 3D, and IMAX tomorrow, Friday, March 23rd. My wife and I, we original Gipsy Danger fans, I’m just saying, I’m just going to put it out there, that’s what we represent at the house. LAURA: We’re big fans. TRAVIS: I’m telling you. You can get tickets now at PacificRimTickets.com. The movie takes place ten years after the first film. A mysterious organization has reopened the breach for the Kaiju, and a Jaeger has gone rogue. It is up to John Boyega and his sweet ‘stache, and his character, Jake Pentecost, to fight back and prevent humanity’s extinction. It is out tomorrow. MATT: How could you not be more badass than playing the son of Idris Elba? TRAVIS: I’m telling you, man. I just want one of those outfits. I just want a Jaeger pilot outfit formed specifically to my body. MATT: So if you work in the effects team for Pacific Rim, and have an extra suit lying around, please send them to P.O.– no. TRAVIS: Yeah! I’ll work it into the story! LAURA: Then a little Kaiju cosplay for Charlie, because we were saying Charlie was a Kaiju level negative three, or something? TRAVIS: He destroys nothing except carpets with his pee. Pacific Rim Uprising, tomorrow night, go see it, because I got my tickets. MATT: There you go. And of course, our fantastic returning sponsor for the season, our friends at D&D Beyond. For those of you who haven’t checked that out, D&D Beyond, it’s awesome, they allow you to do all your stuff online for your D&D campaign, your character. Sam, do you have something to say about that? SAM: For this week’s D&D Beyond spot, I wrote a hilarious skit for me and Ashley to perform together, but she’s not here. Instead, I’m going to soldier on without her in the spirit of showmanship. Hey Ashley, guess what I’m thinking right now? (silence) SAM: Well hey, there’s no need for that language. Listen, I was thinking how useful D&D Beyond is for tracking your stats. For instance, did you see all the new races in fifth edition? (silence) SAM: Aasimar, I hardly knew her! It would be way better if she were here. Hey, I’ve got one. How many tortles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (silence) SAM: (laughs) Exactly. Hey guys, the promo code from last week, InvisibleWand, is still active for 25% off any purchase from the D&D Beyond store. But Ash, why don’t you tell them the secret other promo code that unlocks everything on the site for free? (silence) SAM: Boy, I hope they wrote that one down. Also, any legendary bundle owners who purchased prior to Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes can apply the same code to the new book. Ashley, Mordenkainen: Am I pronouncing that right? (silence) SAM: Well, I don’t know why you had to bring my mom into this, but whatever. Anyway, on behalf of D&D Beyond, I’m Sam Riegel! (silence) SAM: And, as always, the motto of D&D Beyond is? (silence) SAM: That’s the one. Thanks, everybody. MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, Ashley. TRAVIS: I don’t know if it could’ve been better. SAM: Ashley’s parts filled in the gaps. LIAM: Oh man, Emmy-nominated, ladies and gentlemen. MATT: I know, freshly Emmy-nominated, Sam. LAURA: Congratulations, Sam. MARISHA: You have that new Emmy smell. SAM: I do. MATT: A couple other things. One, we are saying goodbye tonight to a dear friend, our fantastic director of photography here on the program for a long time, Selena Ruth, she is moving on to much better pastures. We give all the love, and share love as well for the wonderful journey that’s before her. Thank you! You’re amazing! TRAVIS: I love your tattoos! (sobs) MATT: You made Travis cry. Good luck, and super excited for you. Reminder, Twitch Prime, if you have Amazon Prime, and you can connect your account from Amazon Prime to Twitch Prime, and for free, every month, you get to subscribe to one Twitch stream for free, which you can do for here. TRAVIS: Every month? MATT: Every month! TRAVIS: Wow! MATT: Yeah, it’s incredible! If you haven’t done so, check it out! It costs you nothing and it’s an extra click. Those who may have been here earlier might have seen we have the Critical Role recaps, so if you need a refresher for campaign two, the first ten episodes of the new campaign in Critical Role are now available on YouTube as the Critical Role Recap, hosted by our beloved Dani Carr, who is a longtime OG Critter, now member of this crazy team, and the person who, if you didn’t know, originated the term, “Is it Thursday yet?” LAURA: Did she really? MATT: Yeah, that was her. That was Dani. LAURA: That’s awesome! MARISHA: That’s 100% true. She put it on her resume when she applied here, and I was super appreciative of it. TRAVIS: Hard to say no to that. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: So check it out! Because Dani is awesome. Talks Machina, of course, is every Tuesday evening at 7:00pm Pacific, hosted by our fantastic Branredabafurser. That’s for you guys. TRAVIS: Yes! And the best name yet! MATT: Take that gift with you. No, but seriously, Brian’s awesome. He hosts and talks about the episode that previously happened, so tune in next Tuesday to see about this episode, and whoever else that guests onto it then! LAURA: I’m sorry, Matt. I’m sorry, we love you. MATT: It’s okay, it’s fine. LIAM, MATT, and TRAVIS: Oh, hello! MARISHA: Episode one callback! LIAM: Sorry, spoilers, sorry. MATT: Liam, stop it. Podcast of last week’s episode, episode ten, is available for download where all fine podcasts are downloadable, so if you have friends who are in the audio-only version of the campaign or you want to listen to it while you’re on your commute, it’s available for download now. TRAVIS: It sounds so good, much like an audio orgasm, just saying. Crisp! MATT: There you go. This weekend is WonderCon! In Anaheim. MARISHA: My goodness gracious. MATT: We’re all going to be down there Sunday at WonderCon for a Critical Role panel in the Arena, same area as last year. Let’s see if we can pack it full of Critters again! That’ll be 11:30am on Sunday in the Arena at WonderCon. We hope to see you guys there, bring some fun burning questions, and be prepared for the ridiculousness of most of us, but mainly Sam. SAM: What? MARISHA: I’m going to be there on Saturday! MATT: That’s right! We have the– MARISHA: We have the Sagas of Sundry panel, in room 300B, at 2:00pm I think? Somewhere around there. Then after that we have the Women in Pop Culture panel. TALIESIN: Before all that, I’m going to be talking about comic books in that same room at the Wednesday Club. MARISHA: Everything is happening in 300B. MATT: So if you’re going to be at Wondercon, come hang out. That’s basically what we’re saying. Awesome. In convention news, C2E2 is coming up in just a few weeks in Chicago! We’re going to be there for Saturday and Sunday, that’s April 7th and 8th, so make sure you get tickets. You can buy tickets at c2e2.com! We’ll have signings, panels and fun stuff, so come say hello, please, if you’re in the area. Let’s see. Issue five of Vox Machina Origins, the comic book, still out. If you haven’t had a chance to pick it up I recommend it! Is there any new updates to merch, Laura? LAURA: Oh, just that there’s merch in there. Oh, the CR shirts that everybody loved, our throwback shirts, those sold out the first night. But it’s okay, you guys! Because we’re accepting backorders right now. So that’s still available in the store. I know, right? SAM: They only printed three. LAURA: Well. SAM: One small, one medium, one large. LAURA: We just didn’t think anybody would buy them. TRAVIS: Taliesin and I can’t sew that fast, okay? LAURA: Letting you know that if you order them, it says it on the website, but you can check it out, it says they’re going to ship in a couple weeks, depending on when they get printed again. Just know that if you order them there’s a little bit of a delay, but it’s fine, you can still get it. Put it in now, that way you can be sure you’re getting it this time. MATT: Cool. Thank you, Laura. Once again, our fantastic charity, 826, and 826LA, and all the other 826 chapters out there, they do fantastic work with underprivileged kids and teens in creative writing, they have great classes and tutoring programs. If you have the opportunity to donate either some money or your time, if you want to volunteer as well, highly recommend it. Please look into it. They’re awesome folks. Thank you, guys. Let’s see, last but not least, a quick retooling that I’ll be at Otafest in Calgary, up in Canada, May 18th to the 20th, and A-Kon in Texas June 7th through 10th, so come to either of those events if you can to say hello, I’d love to hang out. I believe that’s it! We cruised through those as fast as we can! LAURA: Oh god, that was fast. MATT: Without further ado, unless there are any complaints, let’s jump in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. Last we left off, The Mighty Nein, the intrepid adventurers, had completed their task they had achieved from the King’s Hall Taskboard to eliminate this spider scourge that had seemingly clogged up a portion of the sewers, discovered a subtle passage into the more upper class elements of the city, managed to extract some information from an individual they had saved from the webbing there, got your reward for it, had a conversation with Ulog of the Knights of Requital, who had discussed interest in possibly bringing you in for some endeavor. SAM: What’s his name? LAURA: Ulog. MATT: Ulog. You had also, as the evening progressed, finished your night checking out the Evening Nip, a tavern that seemed extremely shady. Having some piss-poor ale, you had just exited the exterior of the tavern’s location, out into the midnight evening air of Zadash, still a bit bruised and beaten from the battle earlier in the day, but eager to continue with what your next endeavor is. Mighty Nein, what would you like to do? TRAVIS and MARISHA: Nein! LAURA: I’m tired. This was a long day. Are you guys going to keep drinking? TRAVIS: Well, not in that fucking place, shit! Somewhere better. MARISHA: Are we making our way back? TRAVIS: Yeah, I think so. MARISHA: Okay, let’s go back. LAURA: Going to just drink at the Leaky Tap. SAM: Or just go to sleep. LAURA: I guess we won’t sleep at the fancy place tonight. SAM: It seems like it’s too much work. TALIESIN: Bit of a pain in the ass. LAURA: It’s a pain in the butt. SAM: Also, was there anything special about the room? LAURA: Nope, it was just kind of fancy. SAM: Just a bed? LAURA: Mm-hmm. SAM: No treats or anything? LAURA: There was a minibar, but I think you had to pay a lot of gold for each little thing of it. TRAVIS: Probably one of those ones, too, where you pick it up and it fucking automatically charges you. Dicks. SAM: Magic. MARISHA: Is that a thing? TRAVIS: Yeah, they’re little seals, little arcane seals underneath it. You pick it up and try to put it back, but the seal’s gone. MARISHA: The greed of the Crown, man. TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: As the evening rainfall begins to fall a bit harder, from a soft drizzle to a decent pour, you hear the distant rolling and crackling of thunder, as a storm front has slowly brought its way in as the night has progressed. LAURA: Hey! It’s like we don’t even have to bathe, now. MARISHA: I love the rain. TRAVIS: You know, if we’re just going back– Pumat Sol, what was the name of his spot? MARISHA AND LAURA: It was– SAM: A soul asylum? TRAVIS: No, it wasn’t. SAM: That could’ve been a cool name, though. LIAM: Invulnerable Vagrant. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. How far away is the Invulnerable Vagrant? MATT: From where you are now, exiting the Evening Nip, it’s maybe a 20-minute, 30-minute walk to the middle of the Pentamarket. TRAVIS: Is it late evening, like pre-midnight, or? MATT: It’s pretty late evening, it’s pushing on midnight, yeah. TRAVIS: You know what, never mind, I’ll do it another day. LAURA: Should we go to sleep? MARISHA: Let’s go to sleep. TALIESIN: Sleep, yes. MATT: You guys make your way back to the Leaky Tap, heading up to your rooms, and eventually find yourselves falling to sleep. However, the distant thunder rolls continue to quake the muffled interior of the rooms you’re at, the lightning strikes flashing through the rooms that have a respective window, and the heavy impacts causing you to wake up in the middle of the evening at times with a restless bit of sleep. A faint drip of wayward rain seems to have collected and found its way through the roof of Beau and Jester’s room, and the pattering in the corner of this small, building puddle causes you to frustratingly go and collect it, find something to at least keep it from making that noise throughout the evening. LAURA: We should fold up a blanket and put it under there, it muffles the noise. MARISHA: Okay, that’s a good idea. I hate ticking, or repetitive noises. That’s so obnoxious. LAURA: Like (tapping). MARISHA: That. Exactly like that. LAURA: Or like, (clicking). MARISHA: That counts as well. LAURA: Yeah, I bet that would be annoying if you didn’t like it. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: What about, like, (squeaking noises). LIAM: Keep going. MARISHA: The same umbrella category, yeah. LAURA: Okay. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation– SAM: That’s a conversation? MATT: Loosely. By definition. MARISHA: We just woke up, we’re real tired, okay? MATT: Mid-wee hours of the morning, you catch a quick glance at Yasha staring out the window at the storm, quietly sitting on the floor. MARISHA: Jesus. LAURA: Yasha. MATT: She glances over. “Yeah?” LAURA: I didn’t even know you were in the room with us! MARISHA: You’re super spooky at night, you know that? MATT: “Yeah, I get that.” MARISHA: You’re a little pale, so you have this ghostly quality to you. I don’t know why I’m whispering. LAURA: Yeah, we’re all awake. MARISHA: We’re all awake now. LAURA: I sit down next to her and I show her some of my drawings to the Traveler that I did before I went to bed. Look, Yasha, it’s rat balloons. I show her a little drawing I did. SAM: They really are rat balloons. LAURA: Little rat balloons, and one of them exploding with poison coming out of it. MATT: You see a hint of a smile at the edge of her lips, and she gives a nod. “That’s pretty good. I could never draw.” LAURA: No? Do you want me to draw you right now? I’ll do it, okay! MATT: You see her pull back a bit. Another flash, a nearby bolt causes the sky to light up. Yasha’s unfazed, and her attention shifts back to the glass of the window again, a brief moment of trance-like attention before, “You should try to sleep.” LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: You all right? MATT: She gives a nod and sits back down, closes her eyes, still sitting in a meditative position on the ground. LAURA: I draw her lit up by the lightning and then I go to sleep. MATT: Okay. Eventually, you all come to consciousness again, sore from the action of the previous day, but the daylight greets you, muddled as it is from the darkened grey raining skies that greet you. The thunderstorm is still passing through, and a quick glance out through the window into the main thoroughfare, you can see the streets are muddied, and in some places gathered into small pools and flooded puddles, but Yasha is gone. MARISHA: Maybe she was a ghost the whole time! LAURA: Maybe the lightning exploded her. MARISHA: That’s heavy metal. LAURA: Yeah. Maybe she wandered out into the rain and lost her memory. MARISHA: That’s a possibility. SAM: Does that happen? LAURA: Doesn’t it? SAM: Does that happen? LAURA: It seems possible. SAM: I knew I didn’t like the water. MARISHA: She probably just took off to handle some Yasha business, right, though? LAURA: Probably. We should ask Molly. MARISHA: We’ll ask Molly. TRAVIS: Are we still in our rooms, or are we downstairs? MATT: That’s up to you guys. SAM: Downstairs. MARISHA: We go downstairs. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You all gather in the main area. SAM: I just came to borrow some butter. I was making something in my room. LIAM: I got up early to use a ritual to bring Frumpkin back, I have enough supplies to bring Frumpkin back one time. MATT: Easy enough to do. LAURA: What are your hit points this time? LIAM: I’m not here. Oh, let’s find out. LAURA: Yeah, I want to know. LIAM: That’s a three. MARISHA: That’s better! MATT: That is better. LAURA: That’s at least two kicks. (laughter) TRAVIS: (boom) (exhale) Damn it. MATT: You guys gather back in the tavern downstairs. You slept in a little, pushing like nine or ten at this point, but it is still gray and rainy outside. You can see carts making their way through the mud, some getting stuck and having to pull through, the beasts of burden trying to make their way through. The tavern interior is fairly light, not a lot of people in there, a few folks that are rushing through to grab a quick bite and leaving or having a drink in the face of a rather dreary day. But the room is yours. What do you wish to do? LAURA: I’m eating a carrot, you guys figure it out. SAM: Did they say they had more jobs for us to do? TRAVIS: I believe they said there would be more, I mean, we don’t really have anything until this evening, remember there’s that meeting that we have. SAM: Where is the meeting? TRAVIS: It’s going to take place in the cellar. SAM: Do we have a plan for how we’re going to– what if they’re taking you downstairs to ritually sacrifice you, or something? TRAVIS: You guys are going to join this time. SAM: We’re all going? TRAVIS: Well, you don’t all have to come. Some can stay above. I just wanted to put the invite out there. MARISHA: We were talking about a couple people watching out front, right? LAURA: I will watch. I’m really good at keeping watch. LIAM: I will go with you, and Frumpkin will go with you. SAM: Oh, so I’m going in to the belly of the beast? Sure. I’ll disguise myself! I’ll be just like Fjord. They’ll think it’s Fjord down there! TRAVIS: You know, I wanted to talk to you about your Fjord disguise. It is just a little obvious. LAURA: It’s really good. TALIESIN: Too good. LIAM: Honestly, it’s very cute. LAURA: You look just like him only slightly shorter. SAM: That’s the first time I’ve ever done that spell. I was very impressed with myself. TRAVIS: I would want to see what your range was, in case you wanted to, I don’t know, perhaps mimic one of our other companions. TALIESIN: A total stranger would also be very useful. MARISHA: Someone from your deepest imagination. TALIESIN: Someone short. SAM: See, that’s too many options, when you can appear to look like anything! I need to focus! If I get lost in thinking, “What nose should I have? Bulbous, pointy, or patrician nose?” That could take hours to decide! TALIESIN: Right there, patrician! That’s perfectly fair right there. SAM: So a patrician nose? TALIESIN: Yes! See? One problem already solved. SAM: What kind of eyes? What color? Blue, black, brown, green? MARISHA: Green’s pretty. TRAVIS: Maybe just one of them. Maybe you’ve got a patch over the other. TALIESIN: That’s too many new options. SAM: A patch on one eye? What else do I have? MARISHA: Maybe you have a cleft chin. LAURA: Ooh, yes, butt chin! Those are always good! Ooh yes, and give yourself red hair. SAM: Red hair, green eyes, big patrician nose, cleft chin– LIAM: We’re getting into Mr. Potato Head territory. I think maybe a simple halfling woman. LAURA: With red hair and a big patrician nose– TRAVIS: Bald on top and red hair on the sides. MARISHA: Yeah. And very curly! SAM: All right. LIAM: They are pulling your leg. TRAVIS: Overalls with polka dots and a real big bow tie. And shoes bigger than you should be wearing! SAM: I feel like you’re describing a specific person. TRAVIS: No! Not at all! (laughter) LAURA: Ooh, that sounds really attractive. TRAVIS: Just mull it over. Add it to your– SAM: I’ll think about that one. TRAVIS: You’re rolling your mind’s Rolodex. TALIESIN: This is going to pay off at some point in the future. LAURA: Molly. TALIESIN: Yes? LAURA: Yasha’s gone. TALIESIN: Did Yasha take off? MARISHA: Yeah, she did that thing again. LAURA: She was staring at the storm, and then she went away. MARISHA: Does she sleep? TALIESIN: Well, yeah, she sleeps. MARISHA: She’s a little creepy. In like, a hot way, but a little creepy. LAURA: Like in a protector, I felt safe when she was standing watch sort of way. MARISHA: Yeah, kind of. TALIESIN: Yeah, she does that. MARISHA: It’s very mysterious. TALIESIN: She’s good. She’s just got some personal issues that’s she’s going through. LIAM: It’s hard to get a bead on her because she always takes up and leaves. TALIESIN: It takes time. MARISHA: I mean, we all have personal issues. TALIESIN: I assure you; she’s worth it. She’ll be back in her own time. SAM: You seem normal. MARISHA: Who? You? SAM: All of us. MARISHA: Us? LAURA: We’re very normal! SAM: Sure! TALIESIN: Are you sure? LAURA: I mean, you’re weird. We already established that. TALIESIN: Yeah, no, please, let’s not start calling names! LIAM: Yes, Jester, also you have a very nice personality, but it is a big one. LAURA: What does that have to do with anything? LIAM: Well, just what you were just talking about. SAM: He didn’t mean it like that. Sometimes he’s very honest with people. MARISHA: Yeah. It did seem very pointed and targeted. LIAM: That’s because I was speaking to you, Jester, sitting in front of me! You made the windows– LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to open all the windows like this! MATT: They all slam open loudly! Wind and rain begins to suddenly pour in from the side, from the wind blowing it through. All of a sudden, the few folks that are in there freak out. LAURA: Oh, this storm is so crazy! MATT: (wind howling) TALIESIN: Thaumaturgy to close the windows, maybe? MARISHA: See, I’m having a hard time myself getting through to Caleb, so I feel like it’s hard for an asshole to teach an asshole. TRAVIS: Sometimes having a pupil teaches you something about yourself. Just saying. MARISHA: I should punch him in the face? TRAVIS: Give it a shot. LIAM: I am sitting right next to you. MARISHA: I was having a side conversation! LIAM: It’s a small room. TALIESIN: This is terrifying, but I think the three most even-keel, normal of us should go to the meeting. I don’t think that the three of us necessarily would be appropriate company. LAURA: We might stand out a little too much. It would be easy to recognize us as part of a meeting like that. You’re green, but mostly you look pretty normal outside of that. TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. I appreciate that. LIAM: We’ll switch it around, then? Maybe Nott, you go with Jester. You stay up top, and I will go to this meeting. Frumpkin will stay with you. SAM: Sure. Yes. TALIESIN: This works for me. TRAVIS: You’re not going to do the cloudy-eye thing when you’re down in the meeting though, right? LIAM: No, because I wouldn’t be able to hear what they are saying or know what they look like. This one said she wants to punch me in the head. I don’t want that to happen. TRAVIS: You go all static channel on us, we might be in deep shit. MARISHA: You can learn a lot of things from being punched in the face. LIAM: I have done that. LAURA: What do you want to do when we’re supposed to be keeping watch? TALIESIN: I don’t know. There’s so many options! LAURA: We could find a candy store. TALIESIN: Are there any candy stores? There are stores that specifically sell candy? LAURA: There were in Nicodranas. LIAM: Are we talking about drugs again? TALIESIN: We could be. (laughter) TALIESIN: Never mind, you have a meeting to go to. The rest of us are going to have some fun. TRAVIS: That’s not until this evening, right? MATT: Yeah, it’s an evening meeting. LAURA: Did you want to go see Enchanter Pumat Sol? TRAVIS: Yeah, I do. I enjoyed his company so much last time. Feel like we’ve got a little more coin to spend, might be smart to stock up on items. MARISHA: Maybe we can also take the day to ask around and get a little bit more of a bead on the opinions of the locals on the current political climate. LAURA: I have to return my key to the Pillow Trove. TRAVIS: Why? LAURA: Because I have a key to The Pillow Trove. They’re going to keep charging me a room until I give it back. TRAVIS: Oh. Thought your mom was going to pay for it. TALIESIN: That’s assuming the money shows up in time. TRAVIS: Oh, good point. LAURA: Well, yes. Eventually she will pay for it. I don’t want to waste all of the money she sends on paying for the room, you know? TRAVIS: That’s very smart of you, Jester. LAURA: I’m trying to be smarter. TRAVIS: Should we set out to our various tasks, then? MARISHA: You’re very smart, Jester. LAURA: Thank you, Beau. LIAM: I will tag along with you again, because I still have– LAURA: Because now you have a fancy coat! LIAM: Well, it’s functional. MATT: Do you all divide into your various endeavors? SAM: Sure. To the fancy place? LIAM: No, you go to Pumat’s, I think. I don’t know. I just haven’t split up with you a lot lately. TRAVIS: I’m going to the Invulnerable Vagrant! TALIESIN: I have not actually seen this Pumat, so I would love to actually take a look. TRAVIS: Yeah! You will love him. LAURA: Oh! He’s so wonderful. LIAM: You and me. SAM: I’m coming with you, Fjord. TRAVIS: Oh, that’s three! Do I hear four? Four? Four? (speeds into auction chant) (laughter) TRAVIS: That’s my auctioneer! MARISHA: Are you going? LIAM: No, I am going with Jester to this fancy place. MARISHA: You’re going to the fancy place. TALIESIN: Or with us, we’re going to go shopping. SAM: Unless you want to go with your protégé there. MARISHA: He’s going with Jester. Yeah, I’ll go with you guys. LAURA: That’s our new bodyguard. LIAM: You are the muscle. She’s the muscle. You guys are the muscle. I am not the muscle. MATT: As you guys divide into your two separate groups, scattering this side, these three heading over towards the Tri-Spire. The other three of you guys are heading towards the Pentamarket. TRAVIS: Can I grab my Mariner’s studded leather armor out of my room and bring it with? MATT: You may. MARISHA: Along the way, can I look for a tailor? MATT: Sure! Make an investigation check. What kind of tailor are you looking for, a standard clothing tailor? MARISHA: Fucking balls. Seven. Someone who can sew me a custom coat, a cloak, or add a lining to something like that. LIAM: I could take you back to where I bought this cloak yesterday, if you want to go there. MATT: It won’t take terribly long. It takes you a little longer. Although if you’re going to the same place he’s already been to, then it completely circumvents that. MARISHA: Do they do custom there? MATT: You go and inquire. They do custom work, but it takes a little bit of time. It’s a little pricier as opposed to buying one off the rack. MARISHA: That’s fine. MATT: It’ll take about a day for them to finish the work on it, and it will run you about two silver. MARISHA: Done. MATT: If you’re providing the cloak. Were you having a custom one made? Are you having a liner put in, or having a custom cloak made? MARISHA: I would like to take one of their cloaks and have a blue liner put on the inside to make it reversible. MATT: Okay, yeah. Full purchase of the cloak, and that’ll put you about four silver for the full cloak. That includes the work, the lining addition, and the time waiting for it. MARISHA: Like one of those baggier, poncho coats. One of those? MATT: Okay, so hooded cloak and the front and the back with slits for arms to come through. Got it. You have that ordered. It’ll be ready by midday tomorrow, they’re saying. MARISHA: Thank you, sir! MATT: You guys are going to make your way to the Pentamarket. At this point in time, it is still a fairly moderate downpour through the day. As you begin to come through, some of the carts are closed in the middle of the market: the ones that are more open that sell fresh goods or things that can be ruined by rainwater and that don’t have quite as strong of a canopy, but there are some that are still open. They have hooded lanterns out to draw attention towards them, you have barkers shouting out, “Meats, fresh meats!” and trying to get your attention over there, but you guys maneuver through, making a beeline to your location. Eventually you come up to the warm-looking, dark wood exterior of the Vulnerable Vagrant facility. TRAVIS: (mutters) Vulnerable? Thought it was the Invulnerable. MATT: The Invulnerable. TRAVIS: Oh, got it. SAM: Is it open? MATT: It appears to be. The doors are closed, but it is warm on the inside, and upon checking the door, it is not locked. TRAVIS: Nice. We go in. MATT: You step inside the interior and there is one other patron, who is currently in the process of looking through one of the glass cases in the far end of the room. You can see it’s a rather portly looking gentleman, probably middle-aged or so. His hair is curled and unkempt, but pulled close to his scalp. His cheeks are ruddy, like the cold weather has caused him to get a bit flush, and he’s in the process of glancing over as soon as you enter. He looks sidelong to your troupe as you enter and tries to mind his own business. There across the room, you can see there are two Pumat Sols currently, one of them smiling and looking out your direction, the other one that is keeping an eye on the gentleman in the corner. The one that watches you enter gives a big grin, “Why hello there!” TRAVIS: Good to see you again! Boy, it is sure coming down outside, wish there was a way to dry off real fast. MATT: “Well, if that’s what you’re asking, I would be happy to help you.” TRAVIS: I am! MATT: He walks on over and starts breathing heavily on you. (laughter) TRAVIS: (quietly) Fuck. (clears throat) What does it smell like? MATT: His breath is warm. There are elements of an herbal scent that immediately is overtaken with a– TRAVIS: Sour cream and onion chips. MATT: Yeah, it’s not entirely unpleasant, but not pleasant either. It’s a warm cow-breath smell. LAURA: Oh, I want to pet a cow so bad right now, you guys. TRAVIS: We’ll see what we can do. MATT: As he takes a deep breath on you once or twice, you feel your body warm up for a moment as he finishes the Prestidigitation cantrip and you are suddenly, immediately dry. TRAVIS: That is much better! Thank you, Pumat! That is wonderful! MATT: “It is, quite literally, the least I can do.” TRAVIS: I had a question for you: we found this armor down in the sewers and it seems to have some– MATT: “That’s really pretty.” TRAVIS: Right, yeah! MATT: “Yeah, no, that’s really pretty.” TRAVIS: Have you seen this armor before? MATT: “Haven’t seen that kind, no, but I like the designs on it. It’s really pretty.” TRAVIS: Yeah, here’s the thing. I spent a lot of time by the water when I was growing up, and when you live by the water, too much water theme in your design is overkill. You know, it’s like the person that has the beach house and everything is shells and water and lobsters– MATT: “Yeah, no, that’s just a faux pas, socially.” TRAVIS: Yeah. I feel like this has some unique properties to it. Is there a chance that I could, I don’t know, in some way transfer or copy some of that onto what I’m currently wearing? I have a little bit more intrinsic value with what I have. MATT: “Let me go ahead and have a look at it, if you wouldn’t mind. There we go, there’s a few “other pieces right there if you want to hand those over–” TRAVIS: They’re not really attached, I’m sorry. MATT: “No, it’s all right. Oh, that’s a full set!” TRAVIS: I don’t know if shells fall out, so be careful. MATT: “I appreciate that heads up. Hey, mind helping me, me?” The other Pumat goes, “Oh yeah, "no worries. Pardon me, sir, I’ll be right back. Me, could you watch him?” The other one comes around the corner, “Oh yeah, no worries.” Now the third one has entered the room and is looking– this is a very strange sight for ye who has not been within the store first. TRAVIS: I forgot to tell you, there are multiple versions of Pumat. Apparently the other ones are called “Me me.” MATT: The one who’s in the back goes, “Well, we only refer to each other as ‘me’ as we’re all "technically the same individual. There is a Pumat Prime, but he’s currently not in the main chamber. "Oh, I haven’t seen you around. What’s your name there, fellow?” TALIESIN: Oh, hello, Molly, hello. MATT: “Molly, hello to you as well.” TALIESIN: Pleasure, charmed. MATT: “Yeah.” You see the mass of curled hair around the somewhat pointed furred ears that curl back. The large smile under the broad nose. Very– LAURA: Attractive. MATT: Oh, he’s just a pleasant, jolly individual who is massive in size, even with a slight hunch around the shoulders and back, stands a full seven feet, probably. TALIESIN: If it’s all right, I’m going to peruse a bit. MATT: “Oh yeah, no worries. Just be wary of anything you’re planning to touch over there. Oh, "and you, you’re just an adorable little friend, there.” SAM: Yes, it’s nice to see you again, Mr. Sol. MATT: “Yeah.” SAM: Well, I’ll let Fjord finish. But I have a request as well. MATT: “Well, we’re going to go ahead and take those in the order they’ve been received. So if "you could respectfully have a moment to yourself there. We’ll help you as soon as we can. Thank "you.” He turns back around, and goes back to you– TRAVIS: Nott, hands in your pockets, all right? SAM: Don’t worry. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: As the two begin to look over, one of them is inspecting the quality of the armor while the other one closes his eyes and, as he begins to focus, you watch as this faint little flash emanates from the armor, briefly. He goes, “Oh, yeah, no; that there is a pretty simple "enchantment right there. There are limitations based on the strength of the enchantment and how "recently it’s been applied to the equipment involved. But since this is a simple enchantment "it is something possible to translocate onto a similar piece of equipment. It is a bit– there is "a cost to it should you be willing to pay for the service, but we can probably do that for you, yeah.” TRAVIS: Is there any chance you could tell me how much it might cost? MATT: “Hold on just a second.” He goes in the back room and you hear these two muffled (muffled conversation). TRAVIS: He’s really very nice and accommodating. TALIESIN: Extremely accommodating. SAM: Knowledgeable, too, about all sorts of things. MATT: (muted laughter) TALIESIN: All of them. MATT: He comes back into the chamber. “So to have this enchantment transferred over, it’s only going "to cost you about 80 gold pieces.” TRAVIS: I’m sorry, a little– 80? Eight zero, or one eight, 18? MATT: “Eight zero gold pieces as it does require some components to both harness, extract, and "maintain the enchantment when it is put over to the new piece of equipment.” TRAVIS: Right. Okay, let me think on it a bit. Nott, you had a request? MATT: “We’ll put a little pin in that one. You had a question there, little one?” SAM: Ah, yes. You sold my friend a haversack before, and it has these side pouches. Can you sell me a pouch, a little side pouch, just a little side pouchy thing? MATT: (sighs) “You see, unfortunately–” SAM: Drink cozy sort of a thing. MATT: “I mean, I can sell you a pouch. It’s just going to be a normal pouch. Part of the haversack "enchantment there is an all-encompassing object. We have others, if you’d like to buy one for yourself.” SAM: Other haversacks? MATT: “Yeah.” SAM: How much were they, again? MATT: “For a return customer–” Do you have the card still on that one? LAURA: You charged me an additional 200, but that was also giving you the glaive. SAM: Oh. MATT: Right, with the charge on it. I think the total cost was a little over 1,000 gold. (laughs) LAURA: We got a good discount. That glaive was really nice, shit. MATT: It was a few hundred at least. I don’t have the card in front of me. “Yeah, I–” LAURA: I have the card, but it doesn’t say the cost. Ooh, it does, 1,350! Fuck! Oh shit. SAM: I’m okay, then. That’s fine. I don’t need– I thought that they could be broken up and sold in little sets. MATT: “I mean, we could look into possibly devolving a small-based enchantment like that. I "mean, research and development of that does take a while. You’d have to fund the endeavor. The good "news is, when it’s done you’d be the first to have an original Enchanter Pumat Sol pocket cozy pouch.” (laughter) SAM: How much would that endeavor cost me? MATT: “I don’t know. I’ll be right back.” He goes in the back room again. (muted conversation) Comes back out. “Pumat Prime there says that for the process of research and development, should it be "successful, development of the object, it’ll probably be about two weeks of time of enchantment "and the cost of the overall pouch will probably run you 200-250 gold pieces.” TRAVIS: That’s mighty good. LAURA: That’s a pretty good deal compared to the– SAM: Yeah, but I’d just get the side pouch. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: I wouldn’t get the full thing. LAURA: But, I mean, still. TALIESIN: What are you going to put in it? MARISHA: So many things. LAURA: Buttons. SAM: A lot of buttons. LAURA: A regular pouch can hold a lot of buttons. SAM: That’s true. I’ll think on it. Can I ask you one more question, Pumat? MATT: “Of course.” SAM: I don’t mean to pry into your personal existence, but there seems to be many of you. Was that caused by magic? Did you do that? Is that an accident? Was that a splicing thing? MATT: The large looming figure of Pumat Sol shades over you and slowly comes down onto his knees. This lurching monolith over your tiny goblin frame. The face gets tense for a second and pulls back into this very warm, toothy smile and goes, “Oh, I like an inquisitive little girl.” Pats and rubs your head. The hand is like a giant mitt that almost encompasses your entire head. TRAVIS: You get a fucking concussion. MATT: “If you look over there.” He points on the wall, you see a framed symbol: three diamond shards that all point to the center in a flux capacitor-like design. He goes, “I’m actually an "annex of the Cerberus Assembly. So I get certain favors and I do things for them. I provide them, "occasionally, with my capabilities and some enchanted objects, and in return they were kind "enough to provide me with, well me, and him, and him.” SAM: So the Cerberus Assembly is that powerful with magic? MATT: “They’re about the most powerful you find in the Empire, yeah. So me and my brothers here are "actually, technically, we’re a Simulacrum.” SAM: Oh. That’s fascinating. MATT: “But you know, we do what we can.” SAM: If someone were to want someone with that sort of magical power, you could not provide that, but the Cerberus Assembly could? MATT: “Well, I guarantee with enough positive reinforcement, with enough friendship attained "with certain members like I have developed over many years of hard work and providing services, "perhaps one day you too could be the fine owner of three other versions of your tiny self.” SAM: That’s amazing. Are they a secretive group? Do they have a business card or anything? MATT: “Not much of a business card. They got members all over. Most of them are up in the "capital, but there is one of them that runs that Hall of Erudition. Right over in the Tri-Spires.” SAM: Thank you. Thank you for the information. MATT: “Of course, happy to help.” TRAVIS: You know, Pumat, I think will take you up on that enchantment, 80 gold. It’s a bit more than I was hoping to spend. I could overhear you offering an incentive for being a return customer. I did enjoy, most recently, unfortunately, one of your healing potions. Perhaps if I purchased a healing potion and the transfer of the enchantments, we could find some sort of a deal? MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: Get it, get it, boy. 12, It’s not terrible. MATT: “I respect your candor. I see that you have a keen mind for business relationships. However, I "do have to turn a profit. So I can’t do much for you there, my apologies.” TRAVIS: I understand. Healing potions were how much again? 70 gold? MATT: “No, those were 50 gold apiece.” TRAVIS: 50 gold. Wow, I got to work on my fucking memory. Great, I will take a healing potion and the enchantment transfer, please. MATT: “Fair enough. That will will run you 100 and–” TRAVIS: 30. MATT: “30 gold pieces, that’s correct. There’s your healing potion. You get your basic one right there.” TRAVIS: Okay, thank you. MATT: “It’ll take about an hour to transfer this here enchantment for you. So be patient and come "back in about 60 minutes. Should be ready to go.” TRAVIS: Yeah, I take the breastplate part of my leather armor off and leave it with you. MATT: “Oh, this is– want us to clean it for you?” TRAVIS: Yeah, that would be– TALIESIN: Yes, please clean it. Please. MATT: “All right.” TRAVIS: It’s not that bad. You don’t have to act like it– TALIESIN: It was starting to– it has a brine. MATT: “Would you prefer black ice, lavender or new leather?” TRAVIS: New leather. MATT: “New leather it is. We’ll get it right to you.” TRAVIS: That’s amazing. MATT: Turns around. TALIESIN: I’ve been doing a perusal, by the way. Is there anything that’s caught my eye in this–? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Make an investigation check. It’s hard to concentrate, 13. MATT: Okay, there’s a lot of things here. Many not anywhere near your price range. TALIESIN: Sure. MATT: There are three that catch your eye that are loosely interesting, at least, between you and your allies. There is one pendant that has a darkened ivory spiral and almost a heart sculpture, but it is roughly sculpted. TALIESIN: Interesting. MATT: That is currently labeled with a fine ribbon at the bottom at 150 gold. It states that it has the capability of– you can almost hear it in his voice after seeing and meeting him for this short time. “It’s capable of ensuring that if you take too many hits it will help prevent you from bleeding "out on your own.” LAURA: That’s good. MATT: “Also, when you take a rest, you get a little bit of a bonus when healing.” TALIESIN: All right, that’s interesting. MATT: There’s one of them that’s this darkened, orangeish, amber-colored orb or marble about that big. That is 350 gold. LAURA: Whoa. MATT: The ribbon attached to that one states, “Should someone holding this have the capability "of spinning spells one way or the other, they could probably keep one stored in this thing and release "it at a later time.” MARISHA: I had one of those last campaign. LAURA: That was a ring. MARISHA: That was a ring of holding, yeah. Good stuff. TALIESIN: The final piece that I noticed? MATT: Yes, this is a really beautiful cloak that has a purplish-blue color to it with very fine edged embroidery in gold and silver that naturally comes out of the cloak like it’s growing silver vines at the edges of it. It’s a very fine make. This one is labeled at 800 gold. “The donner of "this cloak would find themselves largely protected in certain ways from the elements, or blows, or "magics, or what have you.” TALIESIN: Wow. LAURA: It’s like a cloak of AC? No, like resistance? MATT: Cloak of protection. LAURA: Cloak of protection, like ring of protection. TRAVIS: It gives you some bonus. LAURA: Man, I want a ring of protection again. TRAVIS: Yeah, we all do. TALIESIN: We all do. TRAVIS: Super squishy-ass, crispy tacos. SAM: What if we kill all of Pumat Sol and come back and rob this place? TALIESIN: That’s a great plan. MATT: That’s an option. TRAVIS: I think you only have to kill the one. LIAM: Prime. TRAVIS: This conversation did not happen in the game, by the way. MATT: Oh, I assumed. TALIESIN: What did we each make off of– SAM: You should be tracking it in your D&D Beyond currency counter. LAURA: We didn’t put that in our– SAM: I added my 100. We each got 100. LAURA: Oh, I think I added it. MATT: Yeah, it was 700 gold. TALIESIN: Okay, so I did. So I can technically afford this. LAURA: Well, one of them. TALIESIN: I’d love to see that heart locket if you don’t mind. This thing. LAURA: Did you spit on my thing– SAM: Probably, you made me laugh. MATT: There’s the two guys are like, “Sorry, can’t help you, we’re in mid-enchantment translocation. "Could you help him?” The other one’s like, “Yeah, no worries, I got you. Hey there, buddy, what you "looking at over there for?” TALIESIN: Pleasure to meet you. I was looking at this piece right here. MATT: “Oh yeah, no. Let me pass you over a little more information about that. That’s a periapt of "wound closure, if you’re so interested. It both allows you to stabilize when you hit zero hit "points, and when you’re using hit dice to heal up, it’s a little bit nicer.” LAURA: Is this like, if I’m healing him, does he still get the double hit points? MATT: “Just when it’s doing hit dice.” LAURA: Sorry. TRAVIS: Got to attune to it? SAM: Wound closure? You cut yourself all the time, that would be very useful. TALIESIN: They tend to sort of heal themselves, though. LIAM: Is it reusable? TALIESIN: This is quite nice, oh yeah. You know what? I think I’m going to treat myself, I’m going to take it. I feel like I’ve earned something, we’ve had a good run of it, and I have never spent this much money on anything in my life. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, we’ve got some good momentum right now, right? What could possibly happen? MATT: “Not going to lie, really appreciative to have, just here in a few days, returning customers "willing to spend fine, hard-earned gold on some finely crafted and enchanted objects.” TALIESIN: I pass 150 gold. MATT: “An absolute pleasure there, you say it was Mollyoop?” TALIESIN: Just Molly to my friends. MATT: “Molly it is.” TALIESIN: This is wonderful. I’m going to add it to my other necklace. TRAVIS: It looks incredible. It’s found a place. TALIESIN: I feel, it’s right to my heart. Right there. TRAVIS: Pumat, before we go, I wanted to ask you, I know that you’re an annex of the Cerberus Assembly. How do you feel about the governing parties here in town? Are you happy with the way things are run? MATT: “I mean, overall it seems to be as fine as it can be.” TRAVIS: Right. MATT: “You know, some folks don’t have as much coin as others, but what can you do to really help "them? We do what we can, but there’s a lot of dangerous things out there. We got all sorts of "baddies coming over from Xhorhas, we got the possible encroaching of foreign powers always "looking to peek over the mountain range and try and steal some of our hard-earned materials. So I "think it’s good they keep us nice and safe and, I mean, I got myself a fine business, too.” TRAVIS: Yeah. I think it’s great that you support the barracks. Do they come in for regular purchases every week or every month or find themselves in your store more often than not? MATT: “Who are you referring to?” TRAVIS: The members of the Cerberus Assembly. MATT: “Oh no, they don’t come to the store often. They usually send requests, they make orders and I "have them sent on over to either Rexxentrum or the Hall, if that’s where they’re going to be "utilizing them.” TRAVIS: That’s wonderful. Well, thank you, thank you for your time. MATT: “No worries. They’re a fine bunch. They do a lot of good, they keep the Crown in check, they "make sure there’s no abuse of power and they also have been very staunch supporters of helping "promote learning here in the smaller, more middle to lower classes here in Zadash.” TRAVIS: Oh really? They’re not as protective of certain knowledges as other parts of the government might be? MATT: “Well, I mean, protective of knowledge in the sense that not everyone can be trusted with "knowledge and, I’m not going to lie, some of the things even I know could be real dangerous in the "wrong hands, so I think it’s important there has to be a certain level of control. I’ve seen some "really nutty people out there that I can’t imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have some sort "of law and order.” TRAVIS: But they might be a bit more open-minded to people sharing in that knowledge if they were the right type of person, say? MATT: “Could very well be! They’ve been very kind to me.” TRAVIS: I’m glad to hear that. Nott? Molly? You have everything you need? SAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’ve been looking in the little mirror, trying to get the height right. TRAVIS: Did you want to bring the mirror with you? TALIESIN: Can I? TRAVIS: I was joking. TALIESIN: Oh, that’s right. Fine. This is good. Okay. SAM: We’ll probably be back in like a day. TALIESIN: We’ll be back. MATT: “Well, we’ll be here. All four of us.” SAM: Goodbye, Pumats Sol. MATT: “Pleasure to meet you, little goblin lady!” TRAVIS: Give Pumat Prime our best. MATT: “I will. Right now.” He goes in the back room as the other two are still focusing on your armor. As you leave the two that are focusing go, “Thank you!” “Thank you!” TRAVIS: Fuck. MATT: You wait the better part of an hour, are able to retrieve your armor, and indeed you now have the Mariner’s armor enchantment on your breastplate. TRAVIS: Thank you for not making me stand out in the rain for an hour without top pieces. Thank you. MATT: Now, the three of you. So what means are you attempting to enter the Tri-Spires? LAURA: We go back to the gate, right? LIAM: Yeah. You know, I had that bad time yesterday, but probably different guards there and I have this cloak now so I’m going to– LAURA: You look really– can I? I’m going to brush your hair out of your face. LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: And like, wipe at any dirt off your face, okay? LIAM: Oh, the rain has already taken care of most of that. LAURA: I know. Well, it’s washed it off, but now I’ve got to get the smudges off. Because, you know, it’s still kind of there. LIAM: Thank you. Is it good? LAURA: Well, you look sparkling clean! You look very dashing. LIAM: Okay. We’ll see if the guards think so, eh? LAURA: Yes. Just keep your cloak really tight on you, okay? LIAM: That’s the idea, yeah. MATT: You find yourselves to the exterior of the Tri-Spires, the familiar gate where you’ve traversed and failed to traverse once before. As you make your way towards the edge, you see the two guards once again step up to the center to prevent entry. As they begin to walk up, you see three other figures are exiting the district, and the guards stop, “Halt.” Give a nod, recognizing the individuals as they walk past, they move on. They look to be fairly decently dressed, a male and a female. You don’t know if they’re married or not, but they appear to be a couple. A friend of theirs is off to the side. All in cloaks, hoods up, very nice cloaks, thick but very well-made as the rain is still coming down. They’re all bundled up, but there is a point of recognition with the guards as they pass by. As they move beyond, the guards once again approach and they’re like, “Halt.” LAURA: Oh, hello again. MATT: “Hello again.” LAURA: Yes. We’re making our way to the Pillow Trove. That’s all. MATT: They both give a look over the two of you. MARISHA: I’m all nice and buttoned up. Belt tied. LIAM: I’m looking at the ground. MARISHA: Looking tough. MATT: For the sake of this, make a persuasion check, Jester. LAURA: Oh, Jesus. Okay. That was not a lot of flourish there, but 17! TALIESIN: It went back to a 20. LAURA: I know it did. MATT: “All right. Come in.” You guys quickly make your way through the open gates, under the portcullis, into the cobblestone streets of the Tri-Spires, and there you see the Silken Terrace, the three towers that mark the central part of Zadash. LAURA: (giggles) We made it! LIAM: It’s nice in here. LAURA: I know, right?! Should we ask where the smutty shop is that you want to go to? LIAM: It has a name. It is called Chastity’s Nook. MARISHA and LAURA: (laughter) LIAM: Yes, it’s right in the name. MARISHA: It’s a good name. LAURA: I go back to the guard and ask where the Chastity’s Nook is. MATT: “I– oh.” He gives you this weird look as you ask him. He’s like, “Actually, it’s right there "in the Silken Terrace to the left of the large bakery. It’s the hut-looking thing.” LAURA: Thank you very much, I appreciate all of your help, you’ve been wonderful, okay, bye. MATT: “Of course,” he says behind you as you rush off. SAM: A bakery and a porn shop? If they find a fight club, you guys are going to be orgasming! (laughter) TALIESIN: To be fair, they make pornographic cakes there, so it’s all right. MATT: It’s pretty great. TRAVIS: Oh, oh, oh! MATT: Bringing in an American Pie reference, wow. You enter the Silken Terrace. First off, the beautiful cobblestone streets before you are broken up by small patches of small fenced-in shrubbery and flower bushes. The whole interior here is such stark contrast to the rest of the city. It is both surprising and sickening knowing some of the harder lifestyles that exist on the outside of the walls here. There are a few large sights as you pass through here. There is– one of the large towers here is part of the ivory and marble structure that has large blue banners that hang down the sides. The central tower itself fires up into the sky. This centerpiece– and you’ve known this because you’ve been here before– is known as the Zauber Spire. MARISHA: Zombra Spire– Zombra? MATT: Zauber Spire. Z-A-U-B-E-R S-P-I-R-E. The Zauber Spire. It is the central piece of the Halls of Erudition campus and lords over that entire section to the north side. It is the furthest tower here. There is an area that you’ve heard of but not been to called the Gilded Willows, which is the tree-dappled residential area of the city. It’s broken up into several pieces, but you can see a lot of the treetops, and there is this very natural, almost picturesque beauty of the interior. LIAM: What was that called again? MATT: The Gilded Willows. It’s the broken up residential aspects of this area. MARISHA: Okay, it’s Bel-Air. MATT: Yeah. There is the Triumph Chime, which is a seven-story temple and belfry that has been retrofitted as the previous– and you would know this from learning your history lessons– actually, make a history check. MARISHA: Okay! TRAVIS: Maybe you know it. MATT: You might not remember it. MARISHA: It was so good, too! Almost! Did you see that? History? Six. MATT: All right. You know that it’s there. You know the three towers are there. There’s the Zauber Spire; the Constellation Bridge in the Gilded Willows, which is a giant watchtower that overlooks the entirety of this city; and then the last bit is the Triumph Chime, but that’s all you know about them. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s, like, the Zauber Spire, the Constellation Bridge, and whatever the Triumph Tower is. Chime. I think it’s a church. Or a cult. Or a church-turned-cult. I don’t remember. LAURA: The Constellation Bridge sounds very pretty. MARISHA: It is. LIAM: It’s a good name. MATT: As you continue in the direction of where you were guided, you come upon the very familiar scent of warm baked goods, both savory and sweet. It is relatively crowded. A lot of the folks are bundled up. They have large mittens on, heavy coats and cloaks and a lot of the general elite that live in this vicinity have come here to pick up warm goods to help go against the cold rain that’s now coming down upon the city. To the right of that, towards the very edge of this road of various shops and market bits, there is a building that is small with a thatched roof, like it’s more for the visual aspect of it. It’s made to look almost like a small country cottage but it’s plainly intentional and is an aesthetic that’s been placed onto it to make it look different and interesting from the rest of the– MARISHA: Like a tiki bar! MATT: Yeah, I guess you could say that. Outside you do see a sign that is written in beautiful cursive that’s arched over the main door that says “Chastity’s Nook.” The doorway is slightly open, and there is a warm light from the interior. There is a glass window. There are books on display there, but you already see a few people inside. It’s not packed, but it’s making business. What do you guys want to do? LIAM: Just before we head that way, just out of curiosity, what is the name of the bakery that is near? MATT: You actually can’t see the name from the outside. You’d have to go and ask. LIAM: I go and ask. I walk into the– come, are you hungry? LAURA: I always am hungry! LIAM: Okay, I will get us some sweets if you want. LAURA: Really? LIAM: Yeah, sure, why not? We are flush at the moment. I walk in. MATT: Easy enough to ask. As you walk inside, there is a whole table set up with warm goods and a kitchen that’s constantly going. There’s about 12 patrons in there right now in the process of eating or ordering. It’s called the Meal Hearth. TRAVIS: Your hands are going to be all sticky before you handle the books. LIAM: Better than after. (groaning and laughter) MATT: If you’d like to, you can load up on– LIAM: Yeah, what are you in the mood for? Do you want something sweet or something savory? LAURA: Oh man, this bakery that we had in Nicodranas had amazing bear claws. LIAM: Bear claws. Well let’s see. Excuse me? Whoever’s running this show. MATT: In the midst of the chaos you see a young man in his late teens or so with a little bit of a prickly chinstrap beard, very short, tattered brown hair but other than that spry, smiling. He has an apron on, and he’s currently putting a small tray on the edge, “Hello. Can I help you?” LIAM: Yeah, we’re in the mood for some bear claws, the kind they have in Nicodranas. Have you heard of these? Do you have them? MATT: “We have bear claws. I don’t know if we have any Nicodranas bear claws?” LIAM: We’ll take the bear claws, yeah? LAURA: Yes, and then we can compare and let you know. MATT: “As far as I know the only major difference is they load it up with cinnamon–” LAURA: That’s exactly what I was going to say! Cinnamon, yes! MATT: “We can do that. That’ll be done. How many would you like?” LIAM: Probably ten bear claws. Also do you have any hot freshly baked bread? MATT: “That we do as well. Of course.” LIAM: I will take a large loaf of hot bread, fresh out of the oven, please. MATT: “Yeah, you’ll have to wait the moment. About 20, 25 minutes, we’ll have a fresh one for you.” MARISHA: Maybe we can go shopping and come back? LIAM: Yeah, we’ll return. We’ll double back for the bear claws. So we’ll come back for ten of these and that hot bread. MATT: “So ten bear claws and bread. You want to pay in advance?” LIAM: Yeah, sure, that’s no problem. What do I need? MATT: So for all the bear claws and the loaf of bread– LAURA: I don’t know. MATT: Yeah, it’s not that much. LIAM: $13.50? MATT: Probably run you three silver. LIAM: Okay. One. Two. Three. Easy. Thank you very much. MATT: Of course. See you back here in a minute. As soon as you turn around, somebody else has pushed past you and gotten in the front. “I’d like three of–” and you’re like, ugh, this place is awful. LIAM: Come on, it’s too crowded in there. LAURA: Caleb, I’ll buy you some porn. LIAM: Okay, that’s good to know. I lead the way to Chastity’s Nook. MATT: As you enter the small shop, the interior is beautiful and surprisingly busy. There’s five other patrons that are currently perusing through various tomes and stacks of artwork. You can see it carries many books and different types of tawdry decor, like rugs, embroidered tapestries, candles, both scented and not, and you can smell oils and incense in there as well. It’s this mishmash of scents. It’s dark-lit in the interior, but as soon as you enter, almost every other person glances over their shoulder at you and goes back about their business. As soon as you finish scanning the room, a voice peeks up and goes, “Hello!” You glance over and see a human female in her 40s, mousey brown hair, wild and curly that goes past her shoulders, and she has a heavy sweater on and these big glasses right in front of her face. She goes, “Can I help you?” LIAM: That is a very handsome sweater you have. Is that from here in the city? MATT: “Thank you so much. It was a gift.” LIAM: I’m sorry, what is your name? MATT: “Iva.” LIAM: Iva. Pleasure to meet you. MATT: “Iva Deshin and this is my shop.” LIAM: Iva Deshin. I’m new to town, and I’m looking for a bit of reading, and this place has been highly recommended to me, and I’m wondering what– MATT: A grin curls past her face. She goes, “Recommended? You want to go to that back.” She points, and you can see now that she’s pointed out, because it’s one long chamber with shelves and a central table. The beginning has more of the accouterments, like the candles and the various knickknacks you can purchase. In the back, you can already see there are large scrolls that are hung up, with beautifully painted nudes. You can see rows and rows of– (laughing) LIAM: I made you plan for this! MATT: I know you did. Yeah, you did, buddy. There are stacks of books where the covers have their own individual paintings, where you can see– TRAVIS: Yep. Detail! MATT: You can see a portion of a moonlight painting of a brawny-looking man who’s dipping a fainting woman in a delicate dress, glistening across the moonlight. It’s slightly pulled open, yeah. This is the young adult romance section of any bookstore on full display, and the more you look back, you can see there’s a few figures in the process of thumbing through the books, reading them where they stand in the middle there. “Are you looking for anything in particular?” LIAM: You know, my tastes are very varied. I’m always looking for something new. MATT: “Ooh, I have recommendations, if you like.” LIAM: Of course. I am very interested in literature recommendations. MATT: “There’s Zemnian Nights. Very popular. There’s The Enchanting Tryst, for those who want more of a fantastical perspective. Scent of the Sea, for the traveler who enjoys their perusal. That one is outer empire, so folks have varying interest. There’s Tusk Love. That one’s a little more saucy.” ALL: Tusk Love! (laughter) MATT: “If you want something more gentle, something that’s more of a classic love story, we have Guard of My Heart. Shallow Breaths are a bit more bawdy.” LAURA: I want to buy Tusk Love, please. MATT: “Right this way.” LIAM: As she walks away from us: You know, I’m obviously here for a purpose, but I like historical fiction as well, and I like when the two things are combined. Do you know what I mean? LAURA: Sex and history. MATT: She leans in for a moment and gives you a look. “Follow me.” She leads you both to the back. She plucks a copy of Tusk Love. SAM: There’s a guy in an Abraham Lincoln costume, just whacking it. (laughter) MARISHA: I’m following, by the way. TRAVIS: Four score– MATT: “Define 'historical.’ What are your interests?” LIAM: I like historical fiction. I don’t like shallow smut. I like to learn something while I’m being titillated, I suppose. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: My shirt’s gone back up. (laughter) MARISHA: Oh my god. MATT: You made me do this, Liam. LAURA: I love how many book titles you have. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Edubation. MATT: Edubation?! TRAVIS: (straining) A squared plus B squared equals C squared! LIAM: I have rolled a zwanzig, that is twenty. MATT: Okay. “It’s been banned for the past 15 years, but I do have a couple of reclaimed copies of Courting of the Crick, if you’d be interested.” SAM: Courting of the Crick. LIAM: I’m very much interested, in this and other books as well, but we will start with (whispers) the Courting of the Crick. MATT: “Well, because it’s–” and the voice stays very hushed, and she adjusts her glasses, the closer she gets “–because it is technically not supposed to be here, it’s a bit pricier. That one runs you about 15 gold pieces.” LIAM: I’m still interested. I would like to see the quality of the book. You know, see if it’s in mint condition. MATT: “Of course, it’s not a worry. Just a moment.” The other books, the regular books– LIAM: Did she walk away from me, by the way? MATT: Briefly, yeah. LIAM: I cast Detect Magic. MATT: Okay. LAURA: On her? On the room? LIAM: Everything. MATT: As you complete your incantation, there is a slight shimmer of energy that expands around the chamber, and scanning through and across the books, nothing peeks out at you as magical from the shelves. It looks there’s only a collection of tomes. You get a small blip from the hunched, cloaked figure in the corner that’s currently reading through one of the books hurriedly. Just a faint source of magic on their person. LIAM: The range, I believe, is 30 feet, if I’m not mistaken. Yeah, it is. Am I covering every part of the store where I am? I start to browse. MATT: Okay. I will say– let me look at the– If anything looks out of reach of the spell that I have just cast, I will walk in that direction. MATT: Right. It’s concentration, so you can pass around. You scan the entirety of the room. It does not appear to be that there is anything directly magical being put on any of the shelves. MARISHA: It’s because this whole place is magical, Caleb. TRAVIS: Angels and demons. MATT: The only blip of magic source you’re getting is from one of the patrons. LIAM: Just one of the patrons. Nothing behind any doors, nothing on the shelves. Okay, I wait for her to return. MARISHA: Does there appear to be a used book section, like trade-ins? MATT: Unfortunately, no. There isn’t a lot of business for used books here in the Tri-Spires. Most folks purchase and display on their shelves. It’s a symbol of status. The more books you have, the more you can display on your shelves, the more well-read you are to your guests, as you have them over. There isn’t a big market for returning things you’ve read. MARISHA: Huh. Okay. You can learn a lot from what people wrote in books. LAURA: I walk up to one of the other patrons that’s hurriedly looking through one of the books. MATT: Okay. The one that’s closest to you, or one of the other ones? LAURA: Sure. Whatever one is closest to me. MATT: The one that’s closest to you, as you approach from behind, he has a dark brown cloak that’s pulled over one shoulder. He’s wearing a sky blue tunic, soft, a silk sheen to it in what little bit of lantern light is lighting the interior. From the side of his chin, you can see he’s got a softer, rounder face, and as soon as you begin to approach, as you aren’t approaching quietly, he stops, the book closes, back on the shelf. Make a perception check. LAURA: Oh no. Perception? 18. MATT: It is Shallow Breaths. TRAVIS: Breasts, or breaths? MATT: Breaths. TALIESIN: Heaving. TALIESIN and TRAVIS: Heaving breasts. TRAVIS: (breathes deeply) LAURA: Ooh, Shallow Breaths, that’s a good one. MATT: As the guy turns around, you can see him. He’s mid to late thirties, you would expect, dark hair slicked back, the hairline pulling back a bit, male pattern baldness-style, human, and as soon he whips around: “Oh, I’m just perusing.” LAURA: It’s not one of your favorites? MATT: “I don’t know, I’ve not read it, I couldn’t tell you.” LAURA: What’s your name? MATT: “I need to go.” He pushes past you, and as he begins to exit the chamber, he goes, “I’m all right, I’m good, thank you this time, good bye,” and darts out into the rain. LAURA: I open it up and see what Shallow Breaths is about. MATT: It is smutty. We’re talking like, Anne Rice fairy tale book-level. TALIESIN: Good skirt around there, by the way. Well done. MATT: I remember I got really – TALIESIN: We were all in high school once, it’s okay. MATT: No, I got really into Interview with a Vampire, and then my mom got these great new Anne Rice books, and I was like, “Oh, she made new books about Cinderella, that’s– oh.” Yeah. It’s what you’d expect. LAURA: Smutty. MARISHA: Hey, Jester. Do you think that the fact that this place is called, “Chastity’s Nook” gives everyone a complex who shops here? LAURA: Yes. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: It’s really good. MATT: At this point, Iva returns with a book-sized tome that is covered in a soft deerskin leather, pulls it open, and shows you the outside of it. It’s very high quality, like it’s barely been read. “This is the piece.” LIAM: That is finely made. May I hold it? MATT: “You may.” She looks over to make sure they’re blocking the view to anybody else. LIAM: I turn with her, so that my back is, and I speed read four pages. LAURA: Are there illustrations? LIAM: Oh jeez! MATT: Interestingly enough, it begins almost like The Silmarillion, in the sense that it reads not very flowery. TRAVIS: In a hole in the ground. MATT: It has a very instructional, nonfiction, historical-type speech. It begins to talk of early empirical conflicts. It begins to talk of the post-Calamity. It begins to talk of elements of– It begins to hint at the ideas of forbidden romance between sides that were not meant to meet. A lot of it begins like, “and then this person led this army into this place, and these many were slaughtered.” LIAM: Out of curiosity, if I flip through, do I see any boning anywhere inside? MATT: As you begin to flip through, she (chuckles), “I understand if that was enough of a peek and you’re interested, you could purchase?” LIAM: Yes, it’s a high quality item, you can understand my excitement. I’ve been thinking in the space of time that you have left, and while I would like to purchase something here today, I’m very low on funds, and the nature of this book, and the trouble I could get into– I mean, your secret is safe with me, but it is too hot for my hands. I was wondering if you had a copy of Shallow Breaths here? MATT: “That I do. And not a worry.” She quickly folds it up and tucks it under her arm and hides it amongst her sweater. Right over here. She picks up a copy, the same copy the gentleman was looking through earlier, and hands it to you. LIAM: Perfect. How much would this run me? MATT: “Three silver pieces.” LIAM: Three silver, okay. I take out the three silver. One, two, three, and I hand it over. MATT: “Thank you very much.” LIAM: Yes, and did you two want to get anything? LAURA: Yes, I want to buy the Tusky Love one. MATT: “That is also three silver pieces.” LAURA: (whispers) And I want to buy the other one that’s expensive, please, thank you. MARISHA: (whispers) Aw, you beat me to it. LAURA: (whispers) Yeah. MATT: (whispers) “All right, that’s 15 gold.” LAURA: But be secret when you put it in my bag, okay? MATT: “Okay.” SAM: Paper bag. (laughter) MATT: Very terrible discreet hand-off, where it’s like– She adjusts her glasses once more. “Thank you, and it’s been a pleasure. If you’re ever interested, I do my own writing, and am in the process of finishing the third chapter of my next series, so–” MARISHA: I would love to see it right now. MATT: “Well, it’s not done.” MARISHA: Do you have a sample? LIAM: What is your niche? MATT: “Well,” She gets a little nervous, reaches behind, pulls out a small piece of paper, and says, “I need this back because it’s part of my manuscript. You can have a glance over it.” TRAVIS: Tumblr is so happy right now. MARISHA: What is it? MATT: At a quick glance, it is not very well written. It’s a bit ham-fisted in its analogies and descriptives. You have caught the middle of a saucy meeting of a strong, strapping farmhand, who is currently trying to work down the cost of a piece of equipment by the purveyor. You don’t have enough information to make out the full story, but it’s this, “How can I get this at a cheaper price?” MARISHA: She’s very heavy-handed with her innuendos. MATT: The salesman’s like, “Well, I don’t know. How much are you willing to pay?” It goes back and forth, and you’re like, I see where this is going, but it’s not going there fast enough. MARISHA: They keep talking about the heft of his equipment. A lot of reference to his equipment. TRAVIS: The gauge of his pipe? MARISHA: Yeah, it’s– Do you–? MATT: “Do you like it?” MARISHA: Oh, do I. MATT: Make a deception check. MARISHA: Fuck! I was thinking of Fjord as I was trying to be nice! TRAVIS: Yeah, you were doing it. LIAM: All her hopes and dreams. MARISHA: It’s cocked, right? Okay, thank you. 18. MATT: She’s like, “Oh good! I’m so glad you like it.” MARISHA: You know, there seems to be a lot of machinery knowledge and, like, heavy machinery knowledge. Was that also an interest of yours? MATT: “Oh, well there was a family background, yes. Before I took up writing.” MARISHA: Man, I’ve never seen engineering and– combined! MATT: “I think it’s rare that I meet people that are interested in seeing that type of niche. Thank you. I hope to have it ready for sale, hopefully within the next three or four months, so please do come by again.” MARISHA: Consider me interested. MATT: “Thank you.” TRAVIS: Is there a mailing list? MARISHA: Yeah, I almost asked if there was. Is there a mailing list? You got to get the word out. Get people interested. MATT: “It’s kind of a word of mouth thing. The clientele prefer a bit of privacy.” MARISHA: Sure! LAURA: While this was going on, and she was distracted. MATT: Oh no. LAURA: Can I find one of the books that looks easily accessible? I want to open it up and on the inside write: “We’re watching you. We saw you come in here.” MATT: You grab a quick copy of Guard of My Heart. The cover has the actual Crownsguard crest printed on it. It is a dynamic of honor versus what the heart wants. Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: Written by Seven Corbo. LAURA: That’s so good! Plus five, so what is that? 23? 23. MATT: As you quickly whip through the statement, close the book, set it on the shelf, no one any the wiser. You have a sense of accomplishment wash over you. You hear this faint, distant chuckle that is sourceless, but pleased. LAURA: That felt good. MATT: You have your smut. What would you like to do now? LIAM: It’s probably about time to go pick up the bear claws. LAURA: The pastries! MATT: Easily enough. It’s still raining, but not quite the heavy drizzle it was earlier. It’s lighting up a little bit. As soon as you step outside, you can see, way far off in the distance, a little bit of blue begin to break. The heavy part of the stormfront, at least, is beginning to pass. You pick up the remainder of your ordered baked goods and a loaf of bread as well. LIAM: On the top shelf, behind you there. What do you call those? These pastries? I slide the smut under a tray of bread. MATT: You slide it under a what? LIAM: A tray of bread on the counter. MATT: Just on the counter? LIAM: Yeah. Hide it. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: They look the other way. SAM: You learn from the best. LIAM: That’s all right. 11. MATT: 11, okay. He glances up, “Oh, that’s more bread.” LIAM: Oh. Okay. I’ll take my bread, please. MATT: “Yes, of course. Fresh. Here you are, sir!” LIAM: Thank you. Would you like to carry the bear claws? LAURA: Yes please! Thank you. LIAM: As we’re walking out, I will show you a trick that I’ve learned in the past few years. It’s very cold out. I pull sides of the bread out. It’s hot. I hand to you a bread, and I hand you a piece of bread, and then I shove my hands in. It’s warm, and I can eat it later! Let’s go. MARISHA: Oh, Caleb. LAURA: You know you can buy mittens? MARISHA: Yeah, there are muffs? Like hand muffs? LIAM: Yeah, but I can eat this. Why are you looking at me that way? LAURA: It’s weird, Caleb. It’s weird. LIAM: It’s not weird. Many people have done this in this make-believe world and also in America. MARISHA: (skeptical noise) LIAM: I walk out the door. LAURA: Well, it’s really good bread. MATT: Any other business you’d like to tend to while you’re in the Tri-Spire, or are you joining your friends? LAURA: I think there’s a casino here. SAM: Jesus! LAURA: But, we can just go to the Pillow Trove. SAM: (loud whispering) Do you want to drop off that key first? LAURA: That’s why I’m going to the Pillow Trove! SAM: Oh okay. Yeah. LAURA: I heard Nott telling me something. SAM: I am the Traveler. TALIESIN: I thought were going to go for Mighty Nein sponsorship at the Nook. MARISHA: As we walk along to the Pillow Trove, when we walk by the flowery bushes, I slowly pop all the blossoms off the flowers as I go. MATT: As you guys make your way to the interior of the Pillow Trove, the same woman clerk, who you met the other day, is there in the process of going through and organizing the last bit of information of the few folks that got rooms the night before. You see at the top of the split staircase a female elf: brunette with golden eyes, older in the face. You see some lines along the cheeks that– for elves, that age gracefully– shows a bit of age. You see a very beautiful, laced, red dress that goes up to the neck, with a bit of a window right there. The arms are crossed and folded in front, and as you enter, looks down and smiles. The clerk glances up, “Oh, hello again.” LAURA: She’s beautiful. Who’s that? MATT: “That’s Madam Luenna. Madame?” and the woman descends the stairs, one step at a time, arms crossed. “Hello. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” LAURA: You too. MATT: “Can I help you?” LAURA: I don’t know. I just asked who you were because you’re really pretty. MATT: “I am the owner of the Pillow Trove.” LAURA: Oh! It’s beautiful! You did a really good job in here decorating. MATT: “Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it.” LAURA: Your dress is really pretty, too. MATT: “Thank you kindly. So?” LAURA: I came to get all my stuff out of my room and then I’m going to give the key back, okay? MATT: “You’re checking out? How unfortunate.” LAURA: I am, but I’ll be back very soon because I have a package coming. So be on the lookout for one to Jester. MATT: “Jester. Is that your name?” LAURA: That is me. MATT: She takes your hand and holds it. “A pleasure, my dear. Good bye.” LAURA: Good bye. MATT: Turns and makes her way back up the stairs. LAURA and MARISHA: She’s really pretty. LAURA: Did you see her eyes? They were golden. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: You want to see my room? MARISHA: Sure! TRAVIS: Want to see my toys? MATT: You walk upstairs, you find the room. It’s small, the one that you had rented, but it’s beautiful in the interior. The sheets have layered lace. High thread count. It’s quite awesome. There is a balcony, though the curtain’s currently drawn because of the rainy day outside. It’s a very nice room. LIAM: I slide my hand under the sheets, and I feel that thread count. MARISHA: Your hands are dirty! You’re covered in bread! LAURA: No! It’s okay because I rented it! I pull the covers off. MARISHA: Oh, that’s right! LAURA: Lay down! You want to lay down! You can use it! LIAM: Maybe if you had carried a ruler, you could hit my knuckles harder next time. MARISHA: Would you like that? LIAM: No. MARISHA: Would you like some mitts? LIAM: No! MARISHA: You know this is how diseases are spread, right? LIAM: I light my hand on fire. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: Why didn’t you just light your hands on fire instead of putting it in bread? LIAM: I would’ve burned the bread and then I couldn’t eat it. It’s simple. LAURA: It’s toast. It’s actually really tasty. LIAM: Well, I don’t have– the control is a little tricky sometimes. LAURA: Little off. LIAM: Sometimes. LAURA: Open the curtains up! MARISHA: Did we get a good view? MATT: You get a decent view. It’s not terribly high up, but you get to look down over the street below you, the cobblestones still slick and the rain pattering on the stonework. You see the fences that curl around the exterior of the terrace. The treetops are now more visible and the canopy is puffing up behind the larger estates and buildings that make up the interior of the Tri-Spires. You have a pretty decent view of the Zauber Spire from here. You see it domes towards the very peak. There is a glass, cylindrical, top floor that overlooks the entirety of the city. Make a perception check. MARISHA: Okay. Natural 19. Plus three so 22. MATT: Not too difficult for you to see, even through the bit of rain that’s up there, but at the very top where you see the glass exterior, you see the outline of two figures that are standing, looking over the entire city from up there. MARISHA: At the top of the Zauber Spire? MATT: Yeah, Zauber Spire. LIAM: Zauber. Like sour. MARISHA: What do they look like? Are they wearing any colors? MATT: You can’t make out the full details of them from this distance, but you can see the basic shape and outline of two figures looking out. LAURA: I’m dancing around the room while you’re looking. MATT: Jester’s just darting around. LAURA: Literally dancing around. LIAM: What are you looking at? You’re squinting. MARISHA: Just looking. Just, you know, people watching. LIAM: Where are there people? MARISHA: These two assholes up there on the top of the Zauber Spire. LIAM, MARISHA, and LAURA: Zauber. LAURA: I crawl under the bed. MARISHA: Hey, the whole Cerberus Assembly thing. Do you know much about them? LIAM: I mean, if you are in the empire you’ve heard of the Cerberus Assembly, ja. MARISHA: Yeah, no. I know. We’re both empire kids, right? More so than the rest of the Nein? LIAM: Ja. MARISHA: What do you think about the empire? About the crown? LIAM: It is what it is. MARISHA: Okay. I think it’s kind of bullshitty. LIAM: Well, that is also true, but it also is what it is. It’s the empire. LAURA: What makes it bullshitty? MATT: You hear Jester say from underneath the bed. LIAM: Where are you? What are you doing down there? LAURA: I was seeing if anybody left anything good under here. LIAM: And? LAURA: Did anybody leave anything good under the bed? MATT: No. Actually, it’s pretty well-cleaned and maintained underneath there. LAURA: It’s pretty well-cleaned though, so nothing is here that’s good. Not even any bugs or anything. MARISHA: I don’t know, look at this. Look at how much money is up here compared to elsewhere. This is a lot of control. LIAM: Yeah. What are you going to do about it? MARISHA: (laughs) (sighs) LAURA: Are you going to do something, Beau? I stick my head out. Are you planning a rebellion? MARISHA: No. I just want to make a ton of money and drink a lot of booze. LAURA: Okay! LIAM: Insight check. One. (laughter) LIAM: Thanks, Pike. LAURA: I believe you. LIAM: We’re going to hit the bars tonight. MARISHA: I think best we can do is try and be happy in, as you said, this shitty situation that we’ve all been granted. LIAM: Nationwide, yeah. MARISHA: Yeah. Anyway, should we go? LIAM: Should we go or–? LAURA: Oh, sure. I crawl out from under the bed. Caleb? I got you a present. LIAM: Did you? You bought that book? LAURA: I bought you history porn! LIAM: You bought me that book? That is so expensive for this book. This is just smut. LAURA: Well, technically, you gave me the money for it. Is it useful? LIAM: I don’t know. I don’t read things like this. MARISHA: Mind if I take a look at it? LIAM: Yeah, you have it. MARISHA: I’m going to flip through it. Does anything catch my eye based on what I know? MATT: I mean, do you want to sit and read it, like full? If you skim through it, you see pages, like some of it smutty, some of it seems boring. LIAM: You know, the thing is, places like that are like yard sales. 99% of the time, there is nothing but broken crap. But once, and I pat the book in one of my holsters, I found something. LAURA: Is that the one I drew the dick in? LIAM: Did you draw the dick on the Friends spell? You did it? That’s the one. LAURA: Yes! LIAM: Yeah I found that in a porn shop. LAURA: Really? Are there pawn shops here? LIAM: Porn. LAURA: A porn shop? LIAM: Yeah. Hidden. MARISHA: You know, this reminds me of the stuff that I used to read back in school. LAURA: You read porn in school? MARISHA: No, like all the history stuff. It feels like a bored monk wrote this. A real bored monk. MATT: If you want to take the time to read it, either now or another time, I can give you more information, but scanning through, you don’t see anything that catches your eye. MARISHA: I might read it later when you’re done reading it. LIAM: You go first. Give me your review. MARISHA: Really? LIAM: Yeah. Have at it. LAURA: Caleb doesn’t want it. MARISHA: It’s a great gift. Honestly, I was thinking about buying it and then you beat me to it. Great minds, right? LAURA: There you go. It was a present for you all along. Well, I wish I would have known. I would have bought you that other shitty book you bought. LIAM: I appreciate the gesture, because it is the thought that counts. It’s the gesture, Jester. LAURA: That’s my name. LIAM: But seriously, thank you. LAURA: You’re welcome. MARISHA: What’s this book called? Does it have a name? MATT: Yes. It is called– LIAM: A Tale of Two Titties. MATT: No. Courting of the Crick. LAURA, MATT, and MARISHA: Courting of the Crick. TRAVIS: Good luck adding that shit. MARISHA: I know. Yeah, I’m not going to be able to type that in. I’ll write that down. MATT: You’ve bought baked goods, you’ve bought smut, and you’ve played in a hotel room. What do you guys want to do now? LAURA: I guess we can go back then. LIAM: There’s a casino. You want to go to the casino? I don’t want to go there. LAURA: Are there any religious temples here? MATT: You’d have to ask around. Make an investigation check. LAURA: That’s shit. Six. MATT: You have a hard time finding somebody who can give you any information. Most folks, a couple of individuals you stop go like, “Oh I don’t know about religion (scoffs),” and walk away. Seems to be less of an interest in conversing with you. MARISHA: You see why I left this town? Ugh, people. MATT: No luck on that, unfortunately. LAURA: What about in the Pillow Trove? Do they have a little library there? MATT: They do not. It seems that they’re not providing anything simply to read. You’d probably have to bring in your own or purchase them from the local Chastity’s Nook. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: This neighborhood makes me a little edgy to be honest. I’m done. But I will go with you if you want to go somewhere. LAURA: No, I think I’m good. LIAM: Shall we go? MARISHA: Good when you all are good. LAURA: (singing) Let’s go back to the stinky part of town. MARISHA: (singing) Okay. MATT: You guys meet up back at The Leaky Tap with the rest of your party. You have already retrieved your freshly transposed enchantment on your breastplate. You guys gather once again in the tavern to consolidate your plans for the day. TRAVIS: Can I pull Molly aside? Hey, I wanted to ask you. When you stopped Nott from rifling through my shit last night, what was she looking for? TALIESIN: I didn’t think to ask. Honestly. TRAVIS: She wasn’t grabbing for anything in particular? TALIESIN: Not that I remember. TRAVIS: She going through your stuff too or just mine? TALIESIN: Oh god, no, not my stuff. That’d be ridiculous. My stuff’s worthless. TRAVIS: Just can’t help herself, I guess. TALIESIN: Well, you know. Some people have needs. It happens. Just keep an eye on your things and make sure you always know how much money is in your purse. TRAVIS: Fair enough. MATT: At this point, it’s early afternoon. Is there anything you wish to do with your day? Any place you wish to go? Anybody you wish to talk to? What do you want to do? LIAM: You know, I’m a little tuckered. I’m going to take a rest upstairs. I’m going to copy that last spell into my book. I’ll see you guys in a little bit, maybe around dinner time. MATT: Do you guys hang around until he’s ready? LAURA: I guess I can go check out one of the temples. TRAVIS: I’m going to wander around the back side of The Leaky Tap. MARISHA: Before you leave, real quick, Beau asks you if you found any information out while you were on your journey. TRAVIS: I didn’t. Actually, I happened to ask Pumat Sols, the plural, and he happens to be like an annex shop of the Cerberus Assembly. MARISHA: Really? I’m with it. TRAVIS: So he supplies goods to all parts of the kingdom, but he says they keep a good balance in check from the power of the empire. Keeps a tight leash. I didn’t ask about any religious uprising or anything, but he seems like such a nice guy and doesn’t seem the type to rat. MARISHA: Right. Interesting. We went to the fancy end of town where I’m pretty sure everyone is super into the crown because they are all funded by the crown and they are the crown, so I was like eh, probably a bad place to start asking political questions. TRAVIS: Nobody stopped you? You got in all right? MARISHA: We did, yeah! Went to a smut shop. TRAVIS: Oh good. How’d that go? MARISHA: As to be expected. Smutty. What should we do? TRAVIS: Well I was just thinking, for this evening, maybe we should double-check there aren’t alternate exits coming in and out of that cellar. MARISHA: Yeah, in case it’s a trap or something. TRAVIS: Yeah, that dwarf didn’t really give me a very good feeling. MARISHA: Also, we know that people are looking for these type of rebels. If we can see a board ratting people out, so can other people. We don’t want to get caught in a sting operation, for lack of a better term. TRAVIS: Right. You want to walk around the back to see if there’s another way in? MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Can we go around the back of the tavern and look for back doors, floor latches? MATT: Sure. Do you guys want to make separate investigation checks or does one of you want to help the other? TRAVIS: I’ll help you make it. MATT: So you get advantage on your investigation check. MARISHA: Big money! Are you fucking serious? TRAVIS: Which ones did you roll? MARISHA: Wait, they’re both threes. I rolled two threes. Both threes. TRAVIS: With the plus. MARISHA: Four, so seven. MATT: You spend a while looking around the back of the tavern. There is a back entrance that leads into the kitchen. There is a cellar entrance. You’re not sure if it goes to the same place where you met or a separate subterranean space, but it is currently locked off, chained. TRAVIS: Locked off, chained? Does this alley have a lot of human traffic or are we on our own? MATT: No, you guys are on your own at the moment. MARISHA: Can you try and pick this? TRAVIS: I mean, I have a crowbar. MARISHA: Oh my god. I’m going to stand watch in the opening of the alley. I’m going to make sure while he does this. TRAVIS: Yeah. I have a crowbar. MATT: So you’re going to go ahead and pry the chain off of it? TRAVIS: Can I try and pop the lock? Is it like a chain and a lock? MATT: Yeah it’s a chain and a lock. TRAVIS: Oh shit. That’s not as good. MARISHA: We could get Nott in here to try and pick it. Just leave it nicely looked like it’s not opened. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s true. That is what she does. You want to go snag her? I’ll keep an eye. MARISHA: Yeah. I’ll be right back. Nott! SAM: (gnawing) What? MARISHA: I hate to interrupt your dinner. Can we borrow you for a quick second? SAM: (swallowing) Mm-hmm. MATT: You get led outside in the soft drizzled exterior into the alleyway, feet clomping through the muddy floor. They show you to the outside of an angled door that leads to a basement cellar that is currently chained with a lock in the center of it. MARISHA: Can you pick this? SAM: Can I pick that lock? MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Keep a lookout. TRAVIS: I do a quick look. Both ends of the alleys and on the windows around the area. MARISHA: Yeah. He takes one end; I take the other. MATT: Perception check from each of you guys and make a check with your thieves’ tools. MARISHA: Jesus fucking ballsacks. SAM: (tink) TRAVIS: Mine’s okay. 16. MARISHA: Seven again. SAM: One. It’s magically enchanted. It’s magically– Ah! My eyes! Ah! It’s magically enchanted! TRAVIS: Shh! I cover her mouth. SAM: Are my thieves’ tools broken? MATT: Pretty bent. MARISHA: Oh that sucks. Oh I have thieves’ tools! Can I try? SAM: Give them to me! MARISHA: I give Nott my thieves’ tools. MATT: Which is good, because your thieves’ tools, currently, are not very good. You’re down one set. You can try again. You don’t see anybody currently heading down or near the alley at the moment. TRAVIS: No windows? MATT: No. There aren’t any windows in the back of the building, since there are small vents for kitchen smoke to filter out, but there’s no windows looking out into the alley. TRAVIS: No windows facing that way. SAM: Better. What do I add? MATT: You add your proficiency bonus and your dexterity. SAM: 21. MATT: 21. SAM: These tools are so much better than mine. MARISHA: Yeah, I stole them off of a really rich guy. MATT: The lock comes straight off. SAM: Can I hang on to them for– MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: You can have mine. Actually you can’t, I’d like to keep them. MARISHA: You’ll just owe me later, how about that? SAM: Sure. MATT: Pull the lock of the chains, open the cellar and look down. It’s dark. There’s no light source in there. TRAVIS: I have my orc– MARISHA: I put on the goggles. TRAVIS: Go for it, yeah. Might as well use that. MATT: You head down. It is a second cellar. It is not the same cellar you guys have met with before. MARISHA: It’s not the same cellar. MATT: No, this one can only be reached from the exterior. MARISHA: There’s no entrances? No secret entrances? No trap doors hiding behind barrels? MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Don’t fuck this up this time, come on. MATT: You have– TRAVIS: That’s cocked. MATT: You have disadvantage on this because there is no light source. MARISHA: It’s cocked on a 20. LIAM: Yeah, it’s cocked. SAM: He said disadvantage. MARISHA: What? MATT: Because there’s no light in there. So even though you have darkvision, it’s still dim light. MARISHA: Well. Okay. What am I doing? Investigation? 11. MATT: You don’t see any other passageways. No hidden doors or anything. In fact, this one’s fairly empty. There’s a few barrels in here and some small crates, but a lot has been moved out of here, either because it was recently used or it hasn’t been restocked. MARISHA: Any good bottles of wine or brews laying around? SAM: Yeah, I’m going to search around for valuable shit. MATT: Go for it. You find, not a bottle of wine, but you find a couple of heavy jugs of some sort of an older ale. SAM: 23. MATT: 23? Okay, you glance around, you find a few odd copper pieces that are in the dust. You do find a set of metal bracelets. SAM: Connected to each other? MATT: No. They’re separate. But you do see they’re currently resting around a skeletal wrist. MARISHA: There’s a skeleton down here? SAM: Is it a human size skeleton? MATT: It is a human size skeleton. It’s been here for a long time. SAM: (stuttering) Dead guy. Dead guy. MARISHA: Did they not clean when they bought this place? SAM: This was some sort of a dungeon. TRAVIS: I come down at the mention of a skeletal wrist. Are there any other bodies in this cellar? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: That’s the only one you find. MARISHA: Hang on, no one’s around, right? MATT: Not at the moment, no. MARISHA: I’m going to pull out my adventurer’s kit and light a torch, because fuck this darkvision shit. MATT: So you get a torch situated. It lights up, the room’s brighter. MARISHA: No one knows we’re down here, right? The door’s closed. TRAVIS: Well, I’m going to leave because we’re all three down here and go back up to the top and keep an eye. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Okay. Do we see anything else weird? More dead bodies, anything like that? MATT: No more dead bodies. Even this one you find is mostly like it was stuffed behind some of the barrels. SAM: Can I tell how it died? MATT: You can make a medicine check. SAM: Not good. Five. MATT: No idea. SAM: Died of a broken heart. MATT: It’s just a skeleton. SAM: No clothes? MATT: There is some elements of cloth on there but it’s been down here long enough to decompose to a mostly skeletal state. So it was probably here a long time ago, and it was pressed up into this corner and barrels were pushed up against it to keep it out of sight. Probably the reason it hasn’t been found until now. SAM: Okay. Nothing to see. MARISHA: That’s really gross. TRAVIS: No other ways in or out, huh? MARISHA: Yeah, anything else now that I have the light on? I don’t see anything? MATT: No. MARISHA: Shit. (long sigh) I take one of those bottles of beer, then I leave. MATT: Okay. It’s somewhat cloudy when you shake it, but still full. TRAVIS: Close the door up, run the chain back through, put the lock on it, but don’t lock it. MATT: Okay, cool. Well. We’re going to have to have a good, I don’t know, a good chain of eyes out as we’re down there tonight. SAM: Do you want to establish some sort of, like, if you get in trouble is there a way to alert us? MARISHA: Frumpkin? I don’t know. TRAVIS: Not really, because if Caleb’s going to be down there with us– I think, if we start screaming or you hear a ruckus– SAM: If I’m with you, I can cast Message and alert our friends. TRAVIS: See, down there I’m not so worried. MARISHA and TRAVIS: It’s about people coming in. SAM: Oh, well then I’ll stay out and I’ll Message you when– MARISHA: Let’s do that. TRAVIS: Yeah, somebody outside The Leaky Tap, another person on the inside to run interference, because you can buy us a couple seconds. MARISHA: You can Message Caleb. SAM: I can Message any of you. MARISHA: Or any of us. TRAVIS: Yeah, couple layers, right? MARISHA: Okay. Any other prep we should do? TRAVIS: Nah. MARISHA: Okay, let’s do this. MATT: We still have a few hours until sundown. Do you guys want to wait until the evening comes about? You can. MARISHA: Get food. I’ll read some of my book. MATT: So as you guys rest, the evening’s light eventually comes to a darkened sky, the storm slowly begins to pass while the sky still remains somewhat cloudy, the stars not visible. It appears that the heavy waterfall from the air above has come to a patter, to a halt. As you prep for the tension of the evening’s choices, we’ll go ahead and take a break. Be back here in just a moment, guys. SAM: High action. MATT: (laughing) This is some unique excursions into the city today. TRAVIS: I’m so happy. MARISHA: Iva! TRAVIS: I remember my 12 and 13-year-old excursions into the back of the comic book store with the 18 and up section. Oh man. “How old are you kid?” “Pretty old.” LAURA: You probably got away with it. You looked like you were 30 when you were 18. MATT: Before we go to break, guys, it’ll be our Wyrmwood giveaway. This giveaway now is the cherry deck box. Which is a nice wood style, you can look inside, you get your fancy interior for your card decks and other things you want to hide in there. Ooh, it smells nice too. For this giveaway, go into the Twitch chat, it has begun! Right now the offer is only good for residents of the United States and Canada, because laws. Excluding Quebec, unfortunately. We’re sorry, Quebec! For the official rules, the link will be in chat. Tonight the keyword is “unrest.” U-N-R-E-S-T. So you can enter that in the chat now. Enter it once only; if you do it more than once, you’ll be disqualified. We’ll come back with the winner here in a few minutes. See you guys in a minute! [break] MATT: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. TRAVIS: Yeah! TALIESIN: That was a sniper shot. MATT: Welcome back. First, before we dive back in we have our winner of the evening, it is Areski14! Congratulations. TRAVIS: “A risky 14”? MATT: Areski. TRAVIS: Areski! MATT: A-R-E-S-K-I 14, congratulations! We’ll get that to you ASAP. As you have taken the afternoon to rest within The Leaky Tap tavern, and the midnight meeting looming, what would you guys, if anything, you want to do anything or do you want to wait until the time transpires? SAM: You guys want to go anywhere? Pumat told me that the Hall of Erudition is really cool and has some cool things in it if we wanted to check it out. Or! We could go kill The Gentleman! MARISHA: Go kill– SAM: I don’t know, is that what we’re supposed to do? Kill The Gentleman? LAURA: I don’t think we’re going to kill him right off the bat. SAM: Kill him! MARISHA: That feels a little premature. TRAVIS: We don’t even know who he is yet, right? SAM: Well, we could introduce ourselves and then kill him! LAURA: He could have a whole infrastructure of people supporting him and then they would come after us. SAM: All right. MARISHA: I want to know who he is, though. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Super interested to find out who this guy is. I feel like we should deal with one thing– I’m super focused on this current– TRAVIS: I am too. LAURA: I mean we could hang out in the lobby in this bar, and I could watch every person that comes inside. I could draw their picture and know every single patron that’s in here so that we have something to turn into the guards when we rat everybody out. SAM: Ooh! TALIESIN: That’s a very good idea. TRAVIS: Yeah, and I was thinking. So the three of us are down in the meeting. SAM: Who’s going down? TRAVIS: The three of us. Nott, if you could be outside, letting us know if any crownsguard or other surly types look like they’re coming in to raid the place, you send a Message, and then you two run interference if they actually make it inside the doors, in case we haven’t made it out yet. LAURA: Just be distracting! TRAVIS: Yeah, whatever you do, buy us some time. LAURA: We’re good at that. TALIESIN: We can be very distracting. TRAVIS: I believe you. MARISHA: Last thing we want is to take the fall for these assholes, whoever they are. TRAVIS: These Knights of Requital. LAURA: We will hang out up here and just be weird. MATT: You guys spend the remainder of the evening waiting for this to transpire, some patrons come in, some leave. You’re reading through the book? MARISHA: Read the book! LAURA: Oh yeah, I have the “Tusk Love” too. MARISHA: You go back and forth. LAURA: I read it and I keep looking at Fjord like– and then go back and read it. I assume it’s about some sort of orc love. MATT: It is, actually. TRAVIS: (laughing) Damn it. Son of a bitch. MATT: It deals with the union of half-orc and the daughter of a traveling merchant as they meet on the Amber Road up near Druvenlode. It goes into a saucy union between the two, but they can’t, because what would the parents think? Yeah. LAURA: What’s the name of the half-orc? MATT: Uh– SAM: (laughing) MATT: Oskar. With a K. Oskar. TRAVIS: What you reading there, Jester? LAURA: Nothing, Oskar. Don’t worry about it. (laughter) MATT: Oh man. Beau, as you’re reading through the book, it’s interesting. It begins to talk about the conflict between the Julous Dominion and the Dwendalian Empire. MARISHA: Conflict between the Julous Dominion? MATT: Yes, the Julous Dominion and the Dwendalian Empire. You’re uncertain– Make a history check? MARISHA: Dwendalian Emp. That’s good, 17. MATT: It begins to name generals and figures caught in this political conflict in the center. Remembering back to your studies, these names don’t ring a bell. Either they’re obscure or fictional for the purposes of the story. However, it does speak of a Crick assassin that had snuck its way past the borders during the conflict, and had attempted to take the life of a general named Theo. MARISHA: Theo, okay. SAM and MARISHA: Theo! MATT: (as Bill Cosby) Rudy! LIAM: Oh no. MARISHA: Ruined forever. MATT: Blame lots of Cosbys for that one. Sorry. The failed assassination attempt led to the capture of the assassin during, essentially, a test of wits between the general and this assassin– MARISHA: Okay, test of wits. Like, Dinner with Andre style? MATT: Kind of, yeah. The assassin’s been captured, removes the helmet, and behind is revealed to be– MARISHA: The assassin removed his helmet? MATT: The assassin’s helmet was removed by the general after being caught. LAURA: That’s the helmet we found in the graveyard! MATT: It’s not very good smut, at least at this point. MARISHA: Wait, am I writing down smut right now? TRAVIS, MATT, and LIAM: Yes. TRAVIS: Of course you are. In size 38 font in your fucking notebook. MARISHA: Hang on. Are you going into how Theo and the assassin had a thing? MATT: Yes. We’re getting there. MARISHA: Okay, keep going. I’m into it, though. This has to be important! TRAVIS: Does it? MARISHA: He’s telling it to me! SAM: Just listen! Just listen! MATT: The assassin is revealed to be from the Kryn Empire of Xhorhas, with dark blue-purple skin, gray-white hair, and pointed ears of elvish lineage. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: No, leave it alone. Stop. MARISHA: He’s a dark elf, right? Or a drow? MATT: She is. It’s a female dark elf. The armor is described to be chitinous, almost organic in its design, though metal. You learn a little bit. It goes into a discussion of the term “Crick.” The term “Crick” is actually a slur against the people that come from the Xhorhasian side of Wildemount. It’s short for cricket because supposedly when the Kryn armies charge into battle, there are designed holes and tubes in the armor that sounds like a flock of crickets rushing into battle. TRAVIS: Sick. MARISHA: That’s cool. It’s meant as an intimidation tactic. It’s this high-pitched screaming cricket chirp that rushes in, so that’s where the term “Crick” comes from. It is used in a derogatory fashion towards individuals who live within the empire of Xhorhas and Kryn. The book talks about them dueling wits, finding common ground, and getting angry at each other and murderous, then turns into this torrid love affair in this very Anthony/Cleopatra feel to it. It’s very dry. It’s an older book. It doesn’t match some of the imaginatory flair of some of the other smut that you briefly perused as you were walking in the bookstore earlier. You glean a little bit of information, should this be accurate at all, of some of the relationships or dynamics of the empire and the Xhorhasian folk that live beyond the border. MARISHA: Would I be able to discern where the assassin entered into the city? MATT: No, it’s not a detailed historical book. MARISHA: It’s not like, “by the third lamppost, remove this brick.” Okay, cool. MATT: There we go. MARISHA: This book sucks. LIAM: How far in are you? MARISHA: Halfway, maybe. LIAM: How long have you been working on it? MARISHA: Couple hours. MATT: As the evening clocks in close to midnight and the majority of the patrons begin to dwindle and scatter into the night air, you watch as Ulog enters quietly, gives a nod of knowing towards the two of you, then, on his own, steps down into the cellar. About ten minutes or so later, you watch as Kara, the half-elf girl you had met before, enters, gives you a glance, but doesn’t acknowledge anything, orders a drink, leans against the wall, then eventually disappears down into the cellar as well. Later on, you watch as Dolan, the human you had spoke with, that seemed to be the one spearheading this meeting before, enters with another human male. They both look back and forth, acknowledge you guys. The two of them eventually splinter off to different sides of the room, waiting. One, and a few minutes later, the other down into the cellar area. TRAVIS: Did we recognize the other human male that he’s with? MATT: No. TRAVIS: Does he seem to be armed, or shady, or have lots of scars on his person? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: 13. Hard to tell at this distance. You didn’t see any visible or apparent scars or anything that gave you a sense of shiftiness, other than the careful demeanor. It didn’t look to be a face of a rugged soldier, by any means. LAURA: Did it look like an undercover cop, trying to blend in? TALIESIN: How were his shoes? MATT: Make an insight check. TRAVIS: “How were his shoes.” TALIESIN: Like nice loafers? LAURA: 20. MATT: Seems nervous, but not in a way that triggers your spider-sense, so to speak. SAM: Are you guys still up top? Okay, I’m going to go over to Fjord and say: You said that one of the members of their group is named Dolan? TRAVIS: That’s right, yeah. SAM: If it comes up, no big, could you find out that guy’s last name? TRAVIS: Dolan’s last name? SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Sure. Any reason why? SAM: I know a guy named Dolan Taverski. TRAVIS: Taverski? SAM: I don’t really know, Taverski. I don’t know. I’ve heard it. Just find out his last name! TRAVIS: Sure. Is this guy from where you’re from or something? Old mate of yours? SAM: No, just have something of his. TRAVIS: Taverski. Would he know you if I was like, “Hey, friend of ours named Nott–” SAM: No, nope, would not know me. TALIESIN: Insight check, watching this? SAM: Natural 20. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: 16 total? You get no bead on the wild words that are coming out of her mouth. TALIESIN: What are– no, never mind. TRAVIS: I’ll find out his last name. I’m sure he won’t mind. SAM: I’ll be up here. If I see anything suspicious, I’m going to Message you. TRAVIS: That’s right. Crownsguard, rough-looking types, people that are armed, right? You keep a fucking swivel. SAM: Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye out. I’ll be in disguise. I’m going to cast Disguise Self on myself, turning myself into a halfling with red hair, green eyes, a hawkish nose, overalls, thinning on top, too-big shoes. TRAVIS: It’s your best disguise yet. SAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: Nott? Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot it was you for a minute. SAM: Call me a code name. TRAVIS: Oh. Tton. SAM: Tton. Yes. MARISHA: Yeah. Tton it is. TRAVIS: Tton. Yeah. T-Ton. LIAM: The second T is silent. SAM: I’m going to go outside and stand at the front door. LAURA: Should we be outside too? Or should we stay inside? SAM: No, you’re supposed to stay inside. If I see anyone coming, you distract them. LAURA: How will we know if you see anyone coming? SAM: I will tell you with my Message spell. LAURA: Okay, you will Message us, and then you will Message the others? SAM: I don’t know. I don’t use it a lot. LAURA: Can you do it twice? SAM: I think I can do it twice. I can do it twice. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: Well, that’ll work then. LAURA: Then, we’ll just hang out in here and have some fun. TALIESIN: Ah, yes. TRAVIS: You ready? MARISHA: Yeah. Let’s do this. TRAVIS: Let’s see what they want to do. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Who all is going down? It’s you three? TALIESIN: Table one. TRAVIS: It’s these three jackasses. MARISHA: Table right. MATT: So you guys keep watch. As you descend into the cellar below, you can see there’s a table already set up with a few chairs around. There are two oil lamps that are turned low, and the four figures you saw enter are all sitting around, waiting. As you begin to descend, they give a knowing nod, and gesture to please take a seat. MARISHA: Is it just the four of them? No more? MATT: Just the four of them. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll take a seat. MARISHA: Yeah, we sit. It’s polite. MATT: As you enter, Dolan, the one who was leading before, sits up and goes, “I’m sorry– what, um–?” LIAM: Oh, I’m with my friends here, they’ve shared a bit of what is gone on here and I’m sympathetic. TRAVIS: We haven’t said too much, but we thought that he might be somebody you’d be interested in. Very clever, has no love for the Empire. MARISHA: A valuable asset. Good with… things. TRAVIS: Thought we could let you decide for yourself. MATT: They look to each other. “Have a seat.” LIAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: Caleb, this is Dolan. Dolan, this is Caleb. Dolan, do you have a last name? MATT: They glance about. “Dolan Thrym.” MARISHA: Thrym. MATT: “This is Horris Thrym, my partner.” The man you saw enter earlier. MARISHA: The human male? MATT: Yes. “You know Kara and Ulog. What was your name again, you said?” LIAM: Caleb. MATT: “Caleb. Thank you very much for meeting us. LAURA: Is it just the four of them? MATT: Just the four of them. Ulog has been– and please, take no offense, we’re just very careful– keeping a very close eye on your activities since we last met. Bit of a scare as you entered the King’s Hall, but I’ve heard that you’ve done a bit of business, unrelated. He speaks to your skill and we may have–” He looks nervously over, and Horris leans forward and goes, “We put two months into planning something, and it requires certain skill sets. Ulog, if you’d like to elaborate on this.” The dwarf leans forward, pulls one of the lanterns closer, so all your faces brighten up just a bit. He turns the wick up a bit. “So we’ve intercepted some documents to Lord Sutan, one of the pretty faces and money grabbers over there in the Tri-Spire. Very politically connected. Apparently, he’s been doing some business with a lowlife who’s known in the more crown-based circles as one of those arrest-on-sight types. We believe this individual might be involved with The Myriad. ALL: (whispering) MATT: "We tried to bring this information to the Lawmaster, Orentha, as she is a friend of Dolan’s. However, we were intercepted by the High-Richter Prucine. She’s about as corrupt as you get in the structure here in Zadash. She intercepted it, so that she delivered the information. I’ve heard nothing since. A couple of our members have been closely watched by the Crownsguard ever since. So we believe the High-Richter might be in on it. We’ve decided if we can somehow turn Lord Sutan against the High-Richter, and then expose them to the Lawmaster, they’ll either be arrested or ousted from their positions. Which, one, would be victory for those who don’t want to live under the claws of corruption in this city. And two, vacates the position of High-Richter. While Horris’ practice may have been irrevocably damaged in the public eye, Dolan is a respected member of the society here. The locals at least. We believe that, if not the High-Richter himself, perhaps another position as things shift. It would behoove us–” Dolan puts his hand up and says, “It would be helpful to have at least one of us with an ear on the bead of the inner circle of how law is distributed within Zadash. While it is not my bailiwick, people seem to trust me, and I think that’s the most important thing when taking an office. We’ve outlined a means of doing so. This is where we may need your help.” Looks over to Kara, and the half-elf leans forward, “All right then, so, the current plan is to infiltrate the Lord Sutan’s estate in the Tri-Spire, steal a copy of his wax seal, and his handwriting. After we forge a little of the correspondence to this unsavory individual who he was speaking to in this letter, we make a new one that writes about an assassination of the High-Richter, sealed, and signed by the Lord Sutan. Then, we infiltrate the home of the High-Richter, tear apart her living space, look like it’s been tousled and tossed, like someone was seeking her while she was out for the night, at a local ball, which she’ll be one night from here. Before she returns to find her place destroyed, we take this letter that we found and left it, hidden within her room. She finds the letter, brings it to the Lawmaster–” At this point, Ulog pipes in real fast, “Sorry, misunderstood. She doesn’t get the letter. We deliver it ourselves to the Lawmaster. I don’t trust her to take it.” LAURA: (laughs) This is like us planning. TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: You get the sense that they’re not the most organized or experienced at this, but they’re trying their hand at doing something that changes, hopefully, the status quo they’re used to. “So, we deliver the letter to the High-Richter, or the Lawmaster. I prefer the High-Richter in front of the Lawmaster, if we can get the two in the same room, so there’s no escape. We see her anger-infused, then they begin to create turmoil. Then, we expose them both, have them dropped or arrested, leaving the vacant spot, and they’re out. TRAVIS: Well, I have one question. This Lord Sutan? What’s to keep the High-Richter and the Lawmaster from just going and snatching him up and putting him in chains? MATT: "Wait, from who?” Dolan puts his hand up and says, “I’m sorry, reiterate that?” TRAVIS: Yeah, well, we’re going to forge this letter from Lord Sutan, right? Saying that there’s an assassination attempt against the Richter. We go to the Richter’s place, we tossle it, then we deliver a letter from Sutan, saying there was an attempt of the Richter’s life. So if I was the Richter, and I went to the Lawmaster, I’d just go disappear Lord Sutan. Your Richter will stay in his seat, and you’ll be short one Lord, if I’m not mistaken. MARISHA: Especially considering you said the Richter was already pretty corrupted. Seems like assassination attempts in reverse wouldn’t be out of her bailiwick. MATT: “What do you suggest, then?” MARISHA: Here’s my question to Dolan, why do you want– Horris wants to be in the office? MATT: No, Dolan is to be elevated. Horris is taking a back seat. TRAVIS: Horris, if you don’t mind me asking, what was your practice? MATT: “I was a physician.” TRAVIS: As well. MATT: “We had a practice together. One of us had to take the fall. I accepted it myself. Dolan couldn’t– Dolan has too much at stake.” MARISHA: Dolan, what makes you think that you can beat the system that you would then be joining? MATT: “Well, the system’s too big for us to deconstruct from the outside. At the very least, I can hope to improve it from the inside. I know the Lawmaster is a good woman. There are good people in there. But if we can root out the cancers, the tumors that threaten to make it what it is, and what it could become, that’s something. We have to try.” TRAVIS: I’m not shy of a conscience. I’m afraid I’d need to know a little bit more about this High-Richter Prucine. Hopefully, he’s a terrible individual. MATT: “She. And yes. She has been responsible–” Ulog, at this point, you can see his fingers gritting into the table. “She’s the one who put my wife in that blasted prison.” TRAVIS: I remember you saying that. MARISHA: Yeah, sorry about that. TRAVIS: I mean, I hate to say anything else without seeing something for ourselves. You seem to have a good plan for getting rid of Sutan, but it seems you might need some further measures to get rid of this Richter as well. MATT: “We have been discussing that. If you have any suggestions, please.” MARISHA: Well, you could do a lot with a seal from a lord. A lot more than claiming an assassination attempt. Just throwing it out there. MATT: “Like?” MARISHA: Literally anything else. TRAVIS: Do you feel like the Empire, or the Lawmaster, is onto your group? Your Knights of Requital? Do they know your name? LIAM: Yeah, you have already mentioned that some of your people were followed and eyed. MATT: “They don’t, to my knowledge, know of the group. Just some of the individuals.” LIAM: Which ones, specifically? MATT: “Well, there is Themond, but he’s left, and has not gone to a meeting since he’s started to be followed. He was the one who delivered the letter to the High-Richter. It was mainly– nothing directly related to our meetings and more just the delivery of our intercepted letter.” TRAVIS: I have a proposal for you. Are you one hundred percent sure that they haven’t heard of your name, Knights of Requital? How attached are you to that name? MATT: “Not. It wasn’t something we chose, it just emerged from our meetings.” TRAVIS: If you ever want someone to stop looking for something– they’ll stop as soon as they know that thing is gone, or dead. So how about we frame High-Richter Prucine as the head of this Knights of Requital and let the law handle it the way they will. And we’ll take care of Lord Sutan at the same time. MATT: They all look to each other, and back. There’s a little bit of a smile, curls across Horris’ face. He nods, “I think this is a pretty sound step in the right direction.” TRAVIS: I hate to do away with a great name, but you work with what you have. MARISHA: It’s an okay name. TRAVIS: You could workshop it. MARISHA: You could workshop it. There’s always more names. MATT: “Do we leave evidence of correspondence in the home of the High-Richter, then?” TRAVIS: Do you have any secret symbols? Or stamps or seals that you use for communication that we could plant in the house, or the place of dwelling of the High-Richter? A ring, a piece of jewelry? MATT: “No. We’ve been very careful not to do that. We could fabricate some.” MARISHA: There was also the notice on the King’s Hall looking for y'all. I don’t know if you knew that, by the way. I imagine a notice in one of these people’s houses might mean that they have concern of being found. TRAVIS: If we frame this the right way, it sure would do a lot for your ambitions to become that High-Richter, Dolan, if you were the ones to turn in the evidence. MARISHA: You could win twice. MATT: Dolan pipes up, “I’m worried about turning in evidence, because there’s nothing that could connect it to the spot. However, if we could plant evidence in the estate of the High-Richter, and convince the Lawmaster, I believe if we speak to her, she would at least do an investigation. They’d find this evidence in the home, in the right place. That could be enough.” TRAVIS: I think it would be. MARISHA: Now, the Lawmaster works under the High-Richter, right? MATT: “The Lawmaster works above the High-Richter.” TRAVIS: Yeah. This will work. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: You hear a (thump, hiss) as Ulog has pulled the cork of a small bottle of ale that was sitting there for a while, and begins to drink. TRAVIS: Is her name Kara? MARISHA: Kara, I think it’s Kara. TRAVIS: Kara, I like the enthusiasm you had about your plan. What sort of skills could you bring to this equation? Are you stealthy? Sneaky? MATT: “Honestly, more of a thinker. Ulog, however–” She points to the dwarf again, who has finished drinking, “Yeah, I used to run with some pretty shifty lot. Done a bit of burglary in my past.” MARISHA: I like that. Tell us about this Myriad, a little bit. What is it exactly that you guys are so nervous about with these people? MATT: “We’re not nervous about the Myriad, other than the fact that the Myriad’s a bunch of fuckheads that steal, enslave, and push all sorts of unsavory business. They’re the mirror side to the bullshit the Empire does. For all that, we want to make sure that if we can connect any of them to the Myriad, and Lord Sutan is definitely connected: two birds, one stone. But then we have to plant evidence in two.” TRAVIS: That can be done. We have other associates, upstairs. We didn’t want to encroach too much on your space. We’d like time to confer with them over the night, perhaps meet again midday tomorrow. We should find a new spot, though. Repetition is a recipe for disaster. MATT: Dolan sits back. “It’s a good point. Any recommendations?” TRAVIS: We’re actually quite new. Maybe you could provide one. MATT: He thinks for a moment. Through his paperwork. TRAVIS: Consult your paperwork. TALIESIN: Allow me to collect my additional notes. MATT: Shut up. SAM: “Shut up.” MATT: “How about The Song and Supper Inn?” TRAVIS: Song and Supper Inn? MATT: “It’s on the west side of the Interstead Sprawl.” SAM: The “SAS.” TRAVIS: How far from here? How much time to travel? Not far? MATT: “Maybe 40 minutes on foot.” TRAVIS: Fair enough. Shall we call it just after noon tomorrow? MARISHA: What name should we be looking for? MATT: They all look at each other. Kara leans forward, “Let’s say– The Inquiry.” TRAVIS: The Inquiry. It’s got a nice ring to it. MATT: “Thank you. I appreciate that.” TRAVIS: Thank you for trusting us. I believe we can make quite the impact with these movements. MATT: Dolan nods and smiles. Looks to Horris, looks to the other two. “Thank you. We’ve been needing more than just angry voices of half-enthused common folk. People of action are hard to find that seem to have a trusted heart.” MARISHA: I’ll give you one piece of advice, Dolan, though. I would challenge you to think about this for the night, think real long and hard, if you’re willing to jump into the ring. Some pretty high-ranking asshole gladiators. Should probably be willing to take a few licks. Shut up. SAM: (whispers) “Asshole gladiators.” LAURA: “Taking a few licks.” TALIESIN: Should’ve picked up a copy. I was trying to go “before you jump into the ring with Muhammad Ali” type of thing, but Muhammad Ali isn’t here. TRAVIS: You gotta pull up. Pull up! LAURA: Yeah, lick those gladiator assholes! MATT: Dolan’s stare goes a little distant as he tries to fully comprehend the gravity of your statement before slowly nodding. TRAVIS: You see Fjord shift his weight. MARISHA: You know, make sure you know what you’re getting into. MATT: “I will.” MARISHA: Awful people. MATT: “I will take that into consideration. Thank you.” MARISHA: Powerful tricks. That’s all. MATT: “I appreciate that. And you, I guess as we begin to put this together, what are your specialties?” LIAM: I dabble a bit in the arcane, nothing too impressive, but a little more than nothing. MATT: “Good. Very well then, tomorrow afternoon, The Song & Supper.” TRAVIS: Would you like to exit first or should we? MATT: Ulog leans forward a bit and goes, “After you.” TRAVIS: Much obliged. I head out. LIAM: I’ll go along with Fjord. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: 17. MATT: No strange behavior, there doesn’t seem to be any business or activity towards the back or the alley. Nothing that catches your eye to be suspicious or encroaching upon the meeting below. SAM: Everything’s okay! TRAVIS: Wow, louder than I thought it would be. Thank you, Nott. SAM: You can reply to this message. TRAVIS: Yeah, thank you for keeping an eye out. Would you like to join us inside? SAM: I can’t reply. TRAVIS: Nott? Would you like to– Hello? SAM: Six seconds. Yes! You can reply to this message! MATT: You all regather in the center of The Leaky Tap tavern. TALIESIN: You come from being touched by some kind of primordial chaos magic, something powerful, strange, creative, and bizarre. You’ve recently had everything turned upside down– LAURA: I really have! TALIESIN: And have started a new path. The path you are walking is not the one you were expecting. It’s not the one you’re going to find. It’s true! You are walking towards some destiny. LAURA: Does it say which one? TALIESIN: Just not the one you’re expecting. LAURA: This is weird. TALIESIN: I only did three cards. LAURA: These are really, really, really good. TALIESIN: Thank you. LAURA: That’s a good fortune. SAM: Hello, strangers! LAURA: You have a booger on the tip of your nose. SAM: I’m just a traveling halfling! LAURA: Oh! I just told a random person they had a booger on the tip of their nose. SAM: Yeah, I’m just a random person. TALIESIN: To be fair, you would tell a random person they have a booger on their nose. LAURA: You’re a random person with a really familiar voice, though. You need to talk to Fjord, and see if you can figure out how to sound different. SAM: All right, all right. TRAVIS: Thanks for keeping an eye out. SAM: How did it go? MARISHA: Crazy! TRAVIS and MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Caleb, impressions? LAURA: You were down there a really long time. LIAM: What is the benefit for us? TRAVIS: Well, my takeaway is that they want to unseat some of the corrupted seats of power here in the city. If that’s true, if there is an abuse of power, I’m all for removing those corrupted seats and putting people of worth in their place. I’m also not keen on taking the word of someone else without getting some evidence of our own. MARISHA: I agree. Who knows? We can’t be replacing someone corrupt with someone even worse. LAURA: We should follow one of them. MARISHA: Yeah, we don’t know anything about this Dolan, this Horris’ motives, or their agenda. TRAVIS: We don’t. While we’re following them, perhaps we should try and find out what we can about this– Lean in closer. Closer. This High-Richter Prucine. LAURA: Have the ones downstairs already left? TRAVIS: I don’t know. MATT: At this point, you see Ulog make his way up and take a different table at the far corner. Then slowly, over the next 15 or so minutes, the other three exit the building. SAM: Want me to follow them? MARISHA: Should we go now? SAM: I’m going! LAURA: Wait, blessings! SAM: Oh, thank you! LIAM: I send Frumpkin after her. MATT: Make a stealth check, please. LAURA: It’s like a dry skin. You got it! SAM: Thanks. TRAVIS: I couldn’t see it. LAURA: Stealth role. With advantage! SAM: Stealth role? Okay, not good. Worse. 18. MATT: Which one are you following? There’s the half elf– SAM: Do I know any of their names? MATT: There’s two human men and then there is the dwarf male. MARISHA: We would have told you the two humans. Two humans. SAM: The two humans. Are they traveling together? MATT: They are. You follow them for the next 20 or so minutes before they come to a modest home. It’s in a little bit of disrepair especially in the recent the recent storm; part of the roof is sinking inward a little bit. They enter, close and lock the door behind them. They glance through the window and they have a heated conversation back and forth. If you want to listen, then make a perception check. SAM: Sure. LIAM: I have a hand on Beau’s shoulder– SAM: Nine. EVERYONE: Nine! MATT: It’s going to be a thing forever. TRAVIS: Yeah it should be every time. It’s a rule. MARISHA: House rule. MATT: It’s hard to hear. It’s muffled; the wall’s thick. It’s not an argument, more of a lot of passionate conversation back and forth, some aggressive counter points to some sort of conversation. Eventually they both settle down with a bottle of wine, and you glance through the window. You see the one with the blond hair is sobbing into his arms at a table, and– SAM: This is a man? MATT: They’re both men. The other one has his arm around the other and consoles him. Looking inside, you see it’s a lot of books across the wall, you recognize there are some alchemical vials or other things that similar-type glass containers that can be utilized for that. Some dried roots are hanging from the wall. A lot of them appear to be medicinal in nature. After about 20 minutes or so of watching this, nothing strange catches your eye. It seems like two people winding down after a stressful day. LIAM: Are any of those books of an arcane nature, because I’m also looking? MATT: Make a perception roll for Frumpkin. LIAM: I’m looking through Frumpkin. Very bad. LAURA: She basically looks like a Pennywise, like a teeny Pennywise peeking through their– MARISHA: Yeah, just a clown. MATT: Oh my god, it does! LIAM: Just an eight. MATT: It’s too hard to see from the outside. You can barely tell there are books there. The very low light there is inside, you can’t make out any details. SAM: Okay. It’s a single level house? Nothing fancy about it? MATT: Single level house, it might be two rooms. No, it’s not quite like impoverished, but it’s not– SAM: Any papers? Any weapons visible? MATT: You do see a heavy crook of some kind, like a staff with a big heavy wooden knot at the end. It can be used to defend oneself and also as a walking stick. A shillelagh if you will. You can see a general shortsword that is put on a belt that is hung on a wall, but nothing in there that is militarized. SAM: Okay. All right. I guess that’s all I can glean from this. I’ll knock on the door, and then run away before they can see. MATT: Immediately inside you hear some rustling and all the lights inside go out and it goes dark. You run away. SAM: Oh interesting. MARISHA: Actually, that was pretty cool. You learned something! SAM: I’ll go back and report to my friends. And that’s what I saw, Caleb, and the others of you who are not my friends, I’ll also tell. Just kidding guys, I love you. TRAVIS: You can drop that, uh– SAM: This is who I am now. I’m sure it’s run out by now. MATT: It lasts for an hour. It’s probably run out by now. TRAVIS: You know what we also need? I want some eyes on this High-Richter. MARISHA: I agree. TRAVIS: We should find out where she lives and how she treats people, see if the stories are true. LAURA: Maybe tomorrow morning we can go spy on her house. MARISHA: Yeah, maybe we can even split a team, some people go and spy on the house, some people maybe go to the stockade, talk to the people she’s locked up? TRAVIS: Sure. We might need to find out where she lives tonight, though. MARISHA: I’m down for that. TRAVIS: I should have asked, but I forgot. MARISHA: Well, is Ulog still sitting at the other table? MATT: At this point, he’s probably left. It’s been about an hour since you returned. LAURA: It’s hard to find that out without seeming suspicious, isn’t it? TRAVIS: No, the High-Richter is just an official. LAURA: But isn’t it weird to go, “Where does the High-Richter live?” TRAVIS: Not if you have official business with the Richter. LAURA: Oh, okay. MARISHA: At this hour? TRAVIS: It’s very urgent business. SAM: We could find out how the High-Richter treats people by posing as people in need. TRAVIS: Exactly what I was going to suggest. MARISHA: Interesting. LAURA: Let’s disguise ourselves. TRAVIS: Well, we don’t need to, Caleb– SAM: As clowns? LAURA: Yeah! LIAM: I’m sorry, I did not catch all of the meeting that you went to the other night. Are they paying anything? Are we doing this for altruistic reasons? TALIESIN: That is a very good question. I second that question. MARISHA: I don’t do anything for altruistic reasons. TALIESIN: I’ve never done anything for free in my entire life. LIAM: So has anything been discussed in advance, is all I’m asking. MARISHA: Well, if this plan gets pulled off, and we help Dolan get in that seat of the High-Richter, than we suddenly have friends in high places. And I love an owed favor. TRAVIS: To answer Caleb’s question, we kind of forgot to discuss that part. MATT: You did. TRAVIS: We’re new at this. We will address that tomorrow, for sure, before we proceed any further. You’re right, there should be compensation. LAURA: Do you want the rest of us to go tomorrow, or do we still need to be look out? TRAVIS: No, I think we should all go. They should get a look at us as a whole, see who they’re dealing with, just in case there’s any shady shit. LAURA: Should we look like ourselves or other people? TRAVIS: What would you like to look like? LAURA: I don’t care. TRAVIS: It’s at your discretion. LAURA: Okay. I’ll decide on the day. TRAVIS: Anybody feel like finding out where this High-Richter lives this evening? SAM: Yeah! Yeah! TRAVIS: Let’s do it. How do we do that? (laughing) LAURA: Maybe we can ask the owner of here. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: That’s a great idea. MARISHA: Start there, why not? TRAVIS: Jester. LAURA: Yes? TRAVIS: Charm him, ask. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to go ask Claudia. MATT: It is about 1:00, 1:30 in the morning though. LAURA: Oh, it’s already that late. MATT: You guys met around midnight. So you can go try and wake up Claudia, if you’d like. LAURA: Claudia’s not awake? MATT: Not at the moment. TRAVIS: What about that big white dragonborn, maybe he knows? LAURA: Maybe the barkeep? MATT: Wessek is there. Wessek is sitting back, it’s a very slow night. LAURA: Hey, Wessek. MATT: “Hello, little blue girl, what can I do for you?” LAURA: How’s it going with you? It’s really late. MATT: “It is very late, and I’m sort of wondering what you’re bothering me with this late? I’m curious.” LAURA: Well, I just remembered that I was supposed to deliver a personal message to the High-Richter, and I can’t remember where they live. Do you know? MATT: “Sorry, I don’t.” LAURA: Do you know what area of town it would be in? MATT: “I couldn’t tell you. The High-Richter is pretty, well, pretty high up there.” LAURA: Probably like the Tri-Spires or something. MATT: “Most likely, or at least somewhere where it’s official. It’s my guess.” LAURA: Okay, that was a fun conversation, goodbye. MATT: “Goodbye!” MARISHA: Is The Pillow Trove still open? LAURA: The Pillow Trove is an inn, of course it’s open. MARISHA: We can try and ask there, huh? TALIESIN: Getting in would be a little tricky, you’d have to get by the guards. SAM: It’s 1:00 in the morning. TRAVIS: Yeah. Perhaps we should rest tonight and plan this little needy-folk charade in the morning. We can always take the sewers into the Tri-Spires. MARISHA: I know, that’s what I was thinking. LAURA: (yawning) We totally can. LIAM: What did you say? LAURA: I said we totally can do that. TRAVIS: Caleb, you’ve mentioned you tried to get into the Tri-Spires and you had a disguise on, and it didn’t– LIAM: I did not have a–oh yeah. There is some sort of wards on the gates there. It’s something I’ve done 100 times in small towns. I tried to disguise myself, and there was nothing there, they saw right through it, and they were dicks about it. TRAVIS: Do you think it was just in that passage way or do you think it’s the entire Tri-Spire area? LAURA: I feel like that would be a really big enchantment to put on the the entire thing. LIAM: It is not the entire Tri-Spire, because– TRAVIS: The entire Tri-Spire? LIAM: No, not. Not Nott, it is not. I cased the smut shop, I looked for arcane things there and did not, well. But I was able to use my abilities. TRAVIS: That’ll be it. We use the sewers to get in, disguise ourselves, avoid detection, find out what we need to know. TALIESIN: I can work with this plan. LAURA: I like it. TRAVIS: Shall we retire for the night? MARISHA and SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: I’ll head up to my room first and I’ll pull Molly up with me, because I need to have a word with him. Molly, listen. I can’t get over the fact that Nott was going through my stuff. I want to set a little bit of a trap. TALIESIN: Oh, you want to set some sort of trap or example for her? TRAVIS: Yeah. I just want to see if she’s learned her lesson or not. TALIESIN: Sure. TRAVIS: I’m going to put an object in the middle of the room with our door open, and we’re going to hide out of sight. You game? TALIESIN: This seems a little unfair. Sure. TRAVIS: Great. I’ll use Minor Illusion to put in the middle of the room a bundle of buttons with a tall, shiny flask covered in jewels, right in the middle of the room. TALIESIN: Do we want to put down some ball bearings? I’ve got a big bag of them. TRAVIS: I mean, I guess so. Once she’s in, we’re going to shut the door. I want to figure out what the fuck she’s sneaking around for. TALIESIN: That’ll do. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: So both of you guys go and hide? Stealth check from both of you. TRAVIS: 16. TALIESIN: 11. MATT: You have a passive perception of–? SAM: 12 or something? Right? Where is it? LAURA: Probably 13. MATT: No, passive perception I believe for you is– SAM: Ten. LAURA: Really? MATT: As you all go to bed, what are you doing? MARISHA: Sleeping. MATT: You guys go to sleep– LIAM: Oh, wait, I knock on Jester and Beauregard’s door. LAURA: (gasps) What is it that you want, knocking on our door so late at night, Caleb? MARISHA and TRAVIS: You’ve been reading too much smut. (laughter) MARISHA: No more Oskar for you. LAURA: What is it, Caleb? SAM: (sultrily) I brought my tusk. LIAM: You are turning in? MARISHA: Should I not? LIAM: No, by all means, but I have changed my mind. I feel guilty for discarding the book that you purchased for me and I was wondering if I could read it tonight, but only if you are going to bed. MARISHA: Yeah, see what you can find. Have I finished it? I haven’t finished it. MATT: You haven’t finished it yet, but a little over halfway. LIAM: Okay. I’m going to read it before bed. It will take me about an hour. Good night. LAURA: (cackles) I think he was bragging at you. Good night, Caleb! MARISHA: I’ll give it to him, it’s fine. He needs a little self confidence, a little encouragement? MATT: Okay, you go read it. Nott, what are you doing? SAM: I feel the urge to go sneak into a room. TRAVIS: It’s just an open door with a bunch of buttons and a flask in it. SAM: It’s not even locked? MATT: No. SAM: Oh, well, I’ll push it open and look inside. What do I see? MATT: It’s empty, it’s dark, except for you see this– Actually, make a– Let me check one thing on this. Just to see how this works in this circumstance. MARISHA: Lot of great shirts in the store. Great shirts. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: I mean, what is this? What is this roll? LAURA: That is majorly cocked. SAM: Okay, good. SAM and LAURA: (groan) LAURA: You should have taken the cocked. SAM: Seven. MATT: There you see a shining bag of glittering coin and buttons spilling out of the top of this small satchel. SAM: Why would this even be here? And a flask on top? Wow! Do I see Fjord’s belongings over near his bed? MATT: Yes, you do. SAM: I’m going over there. TRAVIS: As soon as she comes in the door, the door slams shut. Molly, get the window! TALIESIN: Right! SAM: I draw my hand crossbow! TRAVIS: Nott– SAM: Are you an imposter?! TRAVIS: No. We are going to have a talk. Don’t try any funny business. Why are you trying to sneak through our stuff? SAM: I would never do that to a friend! TRAVIS: Molly told me! Molly told me you were in here rifling through my stuff. SAM: I was hungry. There’s a definite explanation for this. TRAVIS: What were you looking for? SAM: Seafood. You must have some on you; you’re of the sea. I love shrimp, and I never get a chance to get any, we’re so landlocked in here. I love the taste of the sea! TRAVIS: Do I believe her? MATT: You can go ahead and make an insight check. TRAVIS: Natural 20. SAM: I was not looking for shrimp. (laughter) TALIESIN: Nott, dear? Why don’t you tell the nice man the truth? Devil’s Tongue. SAM: Oh! What is that? What does that do? What is that? MATT: I need you to make a wisdom saving throw. TRAVIS: That’s why I brought you in here. SAM: Wisdom? Ten. MATT: You are charmed by Mollymauk. SAM: What does that mean? MATT: Meaning, you’re very friendly and amiable, and take his advice and suggestions like a very dear friend. TALIESIN: Probably should just tell him what you were really looking for. SAM: I was looking for your letter to the Soltryce Academy. TRAVIS: My letter? But, Nott, why? SAM: (whispering) I want it. TALIESIN: What for? It’s fine, no one’s in trouble. SAM: I want to give it to Caleb. TRAVIS: Well, why? What would Caleb do with it? SAM: What you would do with it. Study, learn magic, become more powerful. TRAVIS: You wouldn’t want me to have that sort of ability, you’d rather Caleb have it? SAM: I don’t know a lot about magic, but I know he has the potential to be very powerful. TRAVIS: You do? SAM: And I need him to be. TRAVIS: Why, Nott? Why do you need him to be powerful? SAM: So he can save me. TALIESIN: I mean, we can help save you, that’s what friends do. Any of us who get more powerful can help you. TRAVIS: Nott, what do you need to be saved from? SAM: (sighs) So much. So much. But mainly, there’s a lot of dangers in the world, and a lot of dangers for me, and especially the closer we get to the north? I think? They don’t like me up there. He can protect me. TALIESIN: I think we can all do that. TRAVIS: Absolutely. SAM: No. No, you can’t. TRAVIS: (clears throat) Nott, I hope you will learn to trust us and rely on us like you do Caleb. We may not be as powerful as he is, or has the ability to become, but certainly we can help you. Are you worried about something or someone in particular finding you? SAM: Maybe. Yes, there’s a few people that I’m worried about, but no one specific where we’re going. I know that people are always trying to get me, and (stammering) I wish– I need his magic to be there for me when I need safety. I need him. I need him to live. TRAVIS: I understand. I’m sorry if we’ve upset you. SAM: No, you’re cool for some reason right now. TALIESIN: We’re all friends. TRAVIS: Not for some reason, I’m just cool in general, Nott. I’m just cool in general, Nott. SAM: So cool. TRAVIS: This shit is amazing. TALIESIN: It’s not going to last, you do know that. It’s not going to last. TRAVIS: Just for now, though. TALIESIN: Well, enjoy it while you have it. TRAVIS: Promise me that you will not go through my things anymore when I’m not around, and that the items that I have belong to me? SAM: Will you give me the letter? I could change your name on it to his name, and then he could use it to get into the school, and he could learn more powerful magic and then he could change me. TRAVIS: Change you? SAM: He could change this. TRAVIS: (clears throat) I understand. I know what it feels like to be ashamed or worried about what you look like. I do. SAM: But you’re pretty handsome for a half-monster thing. (whispering) I think Jester likes you. TRAVIS: You think so? SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Well, I didn’t always look like this. SAM: What? TRAVIS: I wasn’t always a handsome half-monster thing. SAM: What did you use to be? TRAVIS: A kid, just like anyone else. SAM: Still a monster thing, though. TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Oh. Just a less handsome one. TRAVIS: Yeah. Stumpy, short. Big teeth. SAM: Were you a fat kid? TRAVIS: Little bit. Just sort of mis-proportioned. Listen, if we get to the– SAM: Do you have any pictures or–? (laughter) TRAVIS: If my MySpace is still up, you could see them. Goes back a tick. SAM: Did you ever have braces or anything? TRAVIS: Nope. No, I did my own dental work. Listen, if we get to the Soltryce Academy and that letter doesn’t do me any good, I promise, you could have it and we’ll make sure Caleb has a shot. SAM: Will you promise to keep Caleb alive? TRAVIS: Most definitely. TALIESIN: We’re going to try and keep both of you alive. SAM: All right. TRAVIS: You look out for us, we’ll look out for you. SAM: Can I ask you one favor? TRAVIS: You cannot have my stuff. SAM: All right. Never mind. TALIESIN: Remember, Nott, that next time you try and do this and if that letter goes missing again, I can do this to you again. I give her just enough of a knock on the head to break the spell. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Okay, easy! Easy! Open up the door! I open the door and I slowly open it up like trying to funnel a rat out of the room. Here you go. Remember what we talked about. SAM: I reach for the flask. Fuck! (laughter) TRAVIS: I stick my foot out right when she runs by. MATT: Oh, man. Make an acrobatics check. TRAVIS: You should be fine. SAM: Acrobatics check? 12. MATT: 12? That’s enough. As you’re darting through, you see the foot go out, and you leap, tumble, roll and make your way into the hallway and escape back to your chambers. TRAVIS: Man, that was more than I thought. TALIESIN: That was very interesting. TRAVIS: What do you make of all that? TALIESIN: Oh, I don’t know. People are strange. Anyone who looks like us, you collect a few interesting enemies on the way, even at her age. TRAVIS: Are you praying over your swords tonight? TALIESIN: Of course. Every night. TRAVIS: All right. Can I join you? TALIESIN: Sure. TRAVIS: Great. LIAM: Come on, I’m just putting up the thread, come to bed. Come to bed. SAM: Do you trust Fjord and Molly? LIAM: No. No, I don’t. SAM: Me neither. LIAM: (poof) Alarm. LAURA: And then Oskar falls in love with her! And he carries her across a field, and they love each other so much! MARISHA: That’s so great. LAURA: It’s the most beautiful story, Beau! MARISHA: Can we go to sleep, now? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah, the hard turn! MATT: You guys all eventually find yourselves to rest for the evening, awaking in the early morning. The chilled morning air comes through. The sky: still mostly gray, with patches of blue that poke through. No rain, it’s still a little chilled. There’s a bit of fog burning off by the time you awaken and look out your room’s window. The morning is yours, what do you wish to do? LIAM: I go to Jester and Beauregard’s room and say– LAURA: (sultrily) Oh, you’re back again already, Caleb. LIAM: Good morning, sleepy heads! I leave the book leaning against the door. TRAVIS: Killed it in one night. Damn. MATT: All righty. The rest of you gather– TRAVIS: Yep. Downstairs. MATT: You have your morning breakfast. MARISHA: Did you find anything good in this? LIAM: Did I find anything good in it? MATT: More reinforcing more of what was there. Because a lot of the information about Xhorhasian society is still largely unknown or uncatalogued, you get the sense the more you read, and the more the perspectives of this assassin’s left across the way, you’re uncertain as to how accurate any of it is– but it talks of a torturous society of bloodshed and beasts, a– I got an eyelash in my eye, that’s great. TRAVIS: Oh, that’s the worst. MATT: There we go. Okay, we’re good. Talking of this terrible life of endless wastes of carnivorous and cannibalistic creatures and that the Crick nation being this terrible place of perpetual inner turmoil, and vying for the next position of power. The assassin that falls into this relationship falls into it as perspective of being saved, of being taken from this terrible place and brought into the good graces of this General, and brought into the comforting realm of the Empire. However, upon being discovered, ends up being captured, tried, and killed. The last part of the book deals with the General going through his own grief and the process, but also understanding it never could be, and was probably for the best. You’re left with a unsatisfied meh feeling at the end of it all. TRAVIS: Would you call it a blue balls feeling? MATT: Kind of. LIAM: There was a lot more historical fiction in it than actual pornographic content, I was surprised. MARISHA: It doesn’t really ultimately matter, but I feel like that was like a toxic relationship. I didn’t really feel like the assassin and Theo should have– I mean, he led to her death. That kind of sucks. LIAM: Feels like it’s weighing on you. It’s amazing what a good book can do, it gets its grips into you. SAM: Are we a book club now? TRAVIS: Morning, Nott. SAM: Yeah, morning. LAURA: What’s wrong? Did you guys get into a fight? TALIESIN: Nott is just upset because she was trying to do a little reading last night as well. MARISHA: Did you get a book? SAM: Not exactly. LAURA: Here, Nott. You can read this now. SAM: Which is this one? LAURA: That’s the Tusk Love. SAM: All right! (laughter) TRAVIS: So we set out our plan. Sewers. Make ourselves look like poor folk. Make our way into the Tri-Spire. LAURA: Not poor folk, rich folk. SAM: Oh wait, no, but we’re seeking help of the Richter. LAURA: It doesn’t matter, we can’t be poor folk in the Tri-Spire. We need to be rich folk that need help from the Richter. SAM: Okay, that’s fine. LIAM: Yeah, because if we come out looking like rats, then out we will go. SAM: Upper middle class? Lower middle class? TRAVIS: Upper middle. LAURA: Very high middle if not low upper. TRAVIS: Medium well? SAM: We’re a family that is down on our luck, because–? LAURA: Like a warm, pink center. SAM: What’s our cover story? What’s the ruse here? We need help from the government because bandits have taken over our house? LAURA: Yes! Oh! Yes, how about we have a trading company! How about some of our wares got stolen on the road on the way to Zadash by a group of bandits? SAM: Oh! We know things, why don’t we pose as like Trostenwald brewers or something and our brew shipment– I’m spitballing– got stolen by someone and we need help to get it back! TRAVIS: Do we know if the High-Richters normally rule on or govern over? LIAM: Yeah, I was going to ask if the two empire kids know about that position. MATT: You know that the High-Richter is the associate judge to the Lawmaster. The Lawmaster oversees very high profile judgments, and then anything that falls below anything high-profile. MARISHA: Circuit judge. MATT: Circuit judge, is what the High-Richter is. Things go through the High-Richter first before they go to the Lawmaster. They gauge what is important enough for the Lawmaster and what remains in their circle, which is why you can see the frustration with anything that they try to bring forth that may have been incriminating to an ally of the High-Richter could be easily caught in that net and not brought upward. MARISHA: I have this inventory sheet that I got from the Baumbauchs, we could use this as claims that it got stolen. And hope for reimbursement. SAM: Stolen by someone in the government? TRAVIS: Or stolen by the Baumbauchs? I mean, if we do something that a family within the Tri-Spire needed representation, the law upheld, but the Richter turned an eye because a more powerful family was winning out, then that person is shit. MARISHA: This is like an order invoice that I have, right? MATT: The order ledger or you mean the letter? MARISHA: No, the order ledger. TRAVIS: From the brewery, that we took in session zero. MATT: Right, you’re not talking about the letter from Baumbauch from the Gentleman, right? MARISHA: No, but in that I have an order ledger? MATT: Yes, there is. MARISHA: So we could claim that he never paid due and we are looking for some sort of representation to try and get our money from the Baumbauchs? TALIESIN: I didn’t understand any of that. LAURA: I have a forgery kit, you guys! SAM: What are we forging? TRAVIS: I don’t know if he would hold sway, but if he doesn’t pursue justice, for someone of the Tri-Spire, that should tell us enough. The Baumbauchs are very influential and powerful. LIAM: Yes, that’s true. LAURA: We could change the name of the Baumbauchs to something else. SAM: We could be the Baumbauchs. TRAVIS: What do you think, Molly? TALIESIN: I honestly don’t understand any of this. MARISHA: Does it say on the ledger the company that it came from? Does it say like from Dryer Supply and Co.? TALIESIN: What accent was that? LAUREN: Dwarven. MARISHA: Me! Me being an asshole. MATT: The Timalt Store House. MARISHA: The Timalt Store House. MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: Doesn’t Timalt make hardware? MARISHA: So it can be from the Timalts. SAM: The Baumbauchs stole our stuff? MARISHA: They never paid due on the order that we sent them. SAM: Do we even know the Baumbauchs are here? MARISHA: No, they’re in Trostenwald. SAM: Why would we be claiming something here? We need to be claiming from a family that’s here. MARISHA: Timalt is from here, right? MATT: Timalts are in Zadash. MARISHA: They are in Zadash. They made a shipment. TRAVIS: If the High-Richter doesn’t say, “You’re right, this is injustice, let’s take it to the Lawmaster,” then that Richter sucks. LIAM: She could be a lazy ass. MARISHA: Regardless, it’s just a story so we can get a bead on her, right? LIAM: Sure. LAURA: What if we say, “We’re from the Timalt Company, they never paid our invoice, and they stole our puppies!” MARISHA: That’s not bad. TRAVIS: Puppy crime. LAURA: That’s how we would know that it was a bad guy. Okay. TRAVIS: So they stole from our invoice and they took all our Saint Bernard puppies. LAURA: Yes, and it is very sad. TRAVIS: Okay. MARISHA: What time is it? MATT: It’s mid-morning. 10:00. TRAVIS: What time, exactly, of the day? MATT: 10:13 a.m. LIAM: Caleb said. MARISHA: Is it early enough to where, on my way there, I can pick up my custom coat? MATT: Yeah, you can do that. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: Especially since it just rained, so the sewer will be really damp. TRAVIS: Oh, god! MARISHA: Are we trying to go through the sewer? TRAVIS: Yeah, we have to. LAURA: To get all of us through. TRAVIS: Well, let’s pick up your cloak and make our way. TALIESIN: Do we still have the writ, or is the writ gone? MATT: The writ was retrieved. TALIESIN: Never mind, that’s fine. MARISHA: We can still find the back sewer entrance, have Nott pop the lock, and we know how to go. TRAVIS: Why didn’t we try to forge a writ, damn it? LAURA: Who all can make disguises for themselves? TALIESIN: Oh! I can figure it out. MARISHA: With my coat, kind of-ish? LAURA: You can cover up your face, at least. MATT: Mmkay, so you guys make your way back to the same sewer entrance where you originally embarked below. There are two crownsguard in the vicinity, they’re keeping watch of that intersection, just like they were last time. They haven’t noticed your approach yet, but they are keeping an eye. MARISHA: We’re going to have to distract them. TRAVIS: I could have one of them beat the shit out of the other one. TALIESIN: Oh! LAURA: Why? TRAVIS: Let’s do that. I cast Crown of Madness on one of the guards. TALIESIN: That’s not going to go poorly. MARISHA: Yes! So into this! MATT: Okay! TRAVIS: Hopefully from an area where they don’t see me casting it. MATT: Make a stealth check. TRAVIS: Oh no! LAURA: Blessing of the Trickster! Advantage! TRAVIS: 14! MATT: All righty. TRAVIS: Oh, I have advantage? Nah. TALIESIN: 14! MATT: As you hide off on the side, you focus and then concentrate on one of the two crownsguard. As the magic begins to slowly filter around the outside of the face, the brief little motes of shadow begin to be plucked from the space and gather around the outside of its head. Unknowingly– what’s your spell DC? That’s a ten. It’s higher than ten, I’m pretty sure. TRAVIS: Yes, it is! 14. MATT: All of a sudden, the guard (grunts) and you watch as these motes fit faintly around the outside, like this floating crown on the top of the head. You force him to attack the other? TRAVIS: Kick his ass, sea bass. MATT: The guard (grunts) grabs his blade, runs forward. The other guard is like, “Hey, what– oh!” (screams) Pulls his shield up. “What’s going on?! David, what the fuck are you doing?!” TRAVIS: Nott! Quick, let the lock on the sewer thing, let’s go! SAM: Oh, I’m doing something? LAURA: No, we don’t have to, it’s not locked. SAM: What are we doing? TRAVIS: I thought it was locked! LIAM: Let’s find out! MATT: It’s going to make another save. It’s a two, it’s still holding. MARISHA: Is the sewer locked? MATT: The gate? It is locked. SAM: Okay, then I’ll pick it! MATT: Everyone’s attention right now is directly on this as one crownsguard is attacking the other. SAM: What am I doing? MATT: It’s plus six. SAM: Seven. No, nine. MATT: Nine. It’s not coming off, it’s not opening! SAM: Break it! MATT: He attacks the other guard, he’s screaming, “Get help!” No, it’s an 11. What’s your spell DC? TRAVIS: 14! LAURA: I try to break the gate, I try to pull the gate! I’m trying to pull it open. MATT: Make a strength check. Roll a d20, add your strength modifier. LAURA: Oh, 17! MATT: (ping) You actually break it with your bare hands, leaving an opening. LAURA: Go, go, go! TRAVIS: Everybody in! MATT: There’s a scream starting to happen, you guys start running in, one after another. Guard gets one more saving throw. 13, what’s your–? TRAVIS: 14! MATT: 14?! Shit! The other guard is now wrestling him to the ground, and he’s trying to hold him to the ground. “What the fuck?!” You hear screams going off around now this ruckus is gathering in the center as people are starting to yell. You can hear in the distance other crownsguard yelling and starting to gather in the middle of this chaos as you all get down in the sewer, and pull it shut. MARISHA: That was awesome! TRAVIS: Yeah, I might’ve fucked that thing up. LAURA: Keep going! LIAM: We’re going to be quiet in the sewers because there’s things down here. LAURA: Oh yeah, avoid all the rat balloons! LIAM: They were everywhere the last time. MATT: You hear all the ruckus up there, echoing down inside and other footsteps coming through and you hear this guy going, “I am so sorry, I don’t know what was happening! Ow, that hurts! I don’t know what’s–” and you hear he’s being held to the ground now, and people are shouting and, oh man. MARISHA: Ooh, that guy is definitely arrested. MATT: That guy’s going to have a bad day! TRAVIS: He might get demoted, a couple day’s pay. LIAM: He is going to be about 12 inches shorter. TRAVIS: No, come on! MATT: Go ahead and make a stealth check, guys. All of you guys make a stealth check. LAURA: You still have the blessing. Does anybody else need a blessing? MARISHA: We’re all rolling stealth? TRAVIS: Ten. TALIESIN: Ten. LAURA: Seven. SAM: 22. LIAM: 20. MARISHA: 22. MATT: Okay. At a mass majority, you do slip around the same area where you had the original confrontation, you do see some more of those rats scattered about, but you manage to quickly dart by. In a few moments, you hear a (hiss) turn as they notice something, but they go in the direction, as you go in to move past. Some of them shift in where you were but no longer where you are. The blind rats are going by the sound and being misled a bit, so you manage to maneuver around without any immediate conflict. Eventually, you make your way back to where those webs were situated before the phase spider’s little domain there at the edge. Still in tatters, untouched from where you left it. You head back to the rung and you can see the entranceway into the Tri-Spire District. TRAVIS: Did not think about what to do once we got into this part of the plan. SAM: We need to disguise ourselves. TRAVIS: Right, yeah. SAM: Then we go up there and then find out where the Richter lives and then pitch our really ill-thought out plan to them. This is going to be great. TRAVIS: Yeah! I cast Disguise Self. Very long black cloak with gold trim, like a nice trim goatee and slicked back jet black hair. Piercing blue eyes, nice looking human. MARISHA: Can I take the brown side of my newly purchased reversible coat, take out my Brewer’s Kit that I have, and take a few of the bottles and fashion them to my waist a little bit? SAM: Disguise Self. Same exact thing as Fjord, except longer hair, shorter mustache. MATT: Perfect! TRAVIS: Cloak, gold trim? SAM: Yeah, everything. Shorter, but female, just a little outline for the mustache. MATT: You’re like the pallbearer to the undertaker of Fjord. TRAVIS: Great analogy! MATT: Thank you! Anybody else making any effort or are you just doing your thing? LAURA: I’m going to cast Disguise Self and I’m going to be tan, short, elven woman in a royal blue lace dress, very similar to the one the lady was wearing, with the cut out. And soft medium hair, pulled back in waves. TALIESIN: I’m going to put the hood up and stay in the back. MATT: Okay. LIAM: I make myself look like the male version of the elven woman that Jester did in a similar high collared clothing. MATT: Perfect. This is great. TRAVIS: Fated to do well. SAM: We’re a normal family! MATT: The moment you climb up the top– did you leave it locked? Did you lock it behind you as you– SAM: I don’t know, you tell me. LAURA: No, we didn’t. I don’t think we did. MATT: I think you left it unlocked. It wouldn’t have been a huge issue. You’re not in danger. We’ll say you left it unlocked because you intended to possibly use it again in the future. You head back, push the two pipes, and you all climb back into the alleyway. You are now in the Tri-Spire district. MARISHA: Awesome. Okay, let’s ask around and find where this Richter lives. MATT: Walking around the city, you see a few crownsguard wandering the streets, they occasionally put a glance to not recognize you wandering, but don’t pay immediate attention. You do see one gentleman, early 60s or so, who’s wearing this nice frilled shirt with heavy brass buttons down the front with this potbelly that’s tucked in with a belt, breeches that go past the knee before his boots hit, and he’s walking in the street, strutting a bit, looking up. He’s the first person you see that crosses your path that looks like they probably know the vicinity. SAM: Want me to go talk to him? TRAVIS: Hello sir, excuse me. MATT: “Yes, can I help you?” TRAVIS: I’m sorry to bother you, we have business with the High-Richter. Is there a chance that you could point us in his direction– her direction. MATT: “Well, that is the High-Richter’s estate. I do not know if she is home. She may be at the King’s Hall.” TRAVIS: I really don’t care, we’re just delivering a parcel. MATT: “Very well. Let’s see. Dayana’s estate is right around that way.” He points. You see that he has this thin, white John Waters mustache across the top that turns into this light goatee right at the tip of the chin. As he points over, you can see, “Right on the outskirts of the Gilded Willows– that one.” He points again. TRAVIS: Wonderful, thank you for your time. MATT: “It was my pleasure.” He continues walking on his way. LAURA: I walk like him. TRAVIS: Nott, your mustache is much nicer. SAM: Thank you, honey. TRAVIS: Do you know what a mime is? You just mime this mission. SAM: Okay. There’s a fierce wind, I’ve got to–! Oh no! I’m in a box! Oh no! The box is getting smaller! Don’t worry, I’ll climb out! LIAM: Nott, what Fjord is implying is– you know how I can make myself look like anything? SAM: I’m not an idiot! (laughter) LIAM: Okay. MATT: Approaching the homestead that was pointed out by that gentleman earlier, the homestead is surrounded by a seven-foot tall stone and mortar wall that tightly crowds the perimeter. This is only maybe a three-foot space between the wall and the actual home. You see that the two-story home is painted in a forest green color on the outside of the wood and stone built structure. You can see that there is a front archway to the door that goes beyond the wall. There is a small gate. Beyond that, there is the front door to the estate where there is a stationed crownsguard. LAURA: This looks really well fortified. SAM: We’re just going to walk up and ask for– TRAVIS: Ask for an audience, yeah. Maybe if we say that we were sent by the Lawmaster, for the High-Richter to make a ruling. SAM: Should we leave anyone out to be ready to help if anything goes wrong? TRAVIS: Good instinct, what do you think? SAM: I don’t know. Caleb, what do you think? LIAM: Well, you’re always good to have hidden away in case something goes squirrely. So definitely you. Maybe me as well. SAM: Maybe. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Jester, I’d like you to come. LAURA: I want to come. (with an accent) I want to come. TRAVIS: Nice. Molly, what do you want to do? TALIESIN: I think I am a very reasonable personal assistant to anyone who is trying to make a deal. TRAVIS: Indeed. What would your name be in this situation? TALIESIN: Do we have to have names? TRAVIS: I’m just trying to think ahead. TALIESIN: Well, fine. Erikson. TRAVIS: Lovely. MARISHA: Lawrence is great. Worked for me before. TRAVIS: Lawrence? MARISHA: Actually, no. Let’s do something else, considering I already used Lawrence once. SAM: It’s just a fucking name, pick anything! Sorry. (laughter) TALIESIN: Do you need a drink? SAM: Yes, I do. I had a terrible night last night. LAURA: How about Marge? MARISHA: Francis. Francis Titmalt– Timalt, not Titmalt. TRAVIS: Are you staying out here with Nott, Caleb, or are you going to come in? If we make it in. LIAM: If you make it in? No, I’m going to stay with Nott. I will be back-up. You’re a good talker. We don’t need two good talkers. SAM: What about the cat? LIAM: Yeah. Oh, cat? SAM: How will we know what’s going on inside? LAURA: They don’t like cats here in the Tri-Spire. LIAM: I think that we’re hidden away in case things go bad with the crownsguard. After that then they’re on their own, I think. TRAVIS: That’s right. Wish us luck. MARISHA: Let’s go. TRAVIS: I walk up to one of the two crownsguard outside the door. LAURA: I follow behind him. MARISHA: Super official. LIAM: Be careful, twinnie. MATT: There is actually only one crownsguard at the front door, behind the gate. As you approach, arms crossed– TRAVIS: “Yes, please, look lively, unfortunately we’ve been sent here from the Lawmaster, we have some very urgent business with High-Richter Prucine. Please, if you wouldn’t mind, would you fetch her?” MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Natural 20. MATT: Glad you fixed that. The guard goes, “Oh, I– Just a second,” goes and opens the door, leaning inside. “High-Richter, you have guests out front.” A voice goes, “Tell them to wait a moment.” LAURA: I like her already. MATT: A moment passes. The crownsguard steps out of the way and you see emerge from the doorway an older female half-elf with dark red-purple hair that is short on the sides and brushed to one side, almost to a point. She has a gaunt, angular appearance, and is in the process of putting on ceremonial gold and white armor, similar to what you had seen on the Herald of the Hall, but a more elaborate design, and taken from the process of buckling together a brace. She walks up and goes, “All right, now who’s here for their time with me?” TRAVIS: Oh, High-Richter, it’s so lovely to see you again. I know it’s been quite a while. MATT: “I have no idea who you are.” TRAVIS: Brantley. We met– must have been years ago now. You remember the Gala. MARISHA: I think it was a fundraiser, last time you were up for election? MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Yeah! 14 plus four, 18. MATT: “Yes, of course, I recall. It’s been some time. What brings you to the front of my homestead in the middle of the day? I’m on my way to the Hall.” TRAVIS: I understand. A bit of terrible business, actually. Our family has been unfortunately at the poor end of some corporate espionage, and I’m afraid the Baumbauchs, isn’t that who they are in Trostenwald? LAURA: Terrible evil, the Baumbauchs. MARISHA: Especially that Demedan. TRAVIS: Just a wretched fellow. They’ve made off with quite a bit of our product, and we have some evidence against them. We tried to take it to the Lawmaster, of course, we didn’t want to trouble you, but– MARISHA: She directed us here, we thought, well, Dayana is just so sweet, she would of course help us out. TRAVIS: Absolutely. MARISHA: Here is the invoice from the amount due that they have not paid from the Timalt Store House. TRAVIS: I’m sure justice will be swift, but unfortunately, much of our family’s finances are wrapped up in this. LAURA: And they took our puppies. MATT: I would like both of you to make deception checks, please. LIAM: Caleb is turning the diamond over and over in his hand like a fidget spinner, watching all of this. TRAVIS: At least you have the diamond, right? MARISHA: Oh my god, what should I roll? Give me something good. That’s not too bad. 15. LAURA: Six. MATT: She goes, “Puppies, I’m sure. Well, Baumbauch is outside of the Zadash jurisdiction. That is Trostenwald territory. I’m afraid that is not something I would nor could handle if I wanted to. If you wish to bring them to justice either present your evidence to the lawmaster of Trostenwald, or bring Baumbauch to me. Otherwise, I have no interest.” TRAVIS: I’m sure you can understand our situation. We have already done that exact thing! We wouldn’t waste your time with such rudimentary worries, but– MATT: “Then why are you wasting my time right now?” TRAVIS: Well, frankly, the Lawmaster in Trostenwald seemed to show you very little respect when we mentioned your name, and being that our family is so influential around here, we’re going to be tossed to the wayside if justice isn’t found. Surely you understand that. MARISHA: And, of course, we would happily pay you for any type of additional services you might be able to help us out with. MATT: “Am I– step inside.” The crownsguard step inside and close the door behind. “Am I to understand that you’ve come out here in broad daylight to my estate in an attempt to bribe the High-Richter of Zadash?” TRAVIS: Was that what you said? MARISHA: No, I don’t think those were my words at all. No. TRAVIS: It was merely a few pennies for your time. LAURA: A favor for a favor! TRAVIS: Yes, I mean certainly if you feel like doing justice on its own– I would like to see people taken care of that take care of us. MATT: “So long as it’s not a bribe. Favors we can do.” TRAVIS: Well, of course! MATT: “I’ll see what’s possible. I’ll ask around. I’ll take these documents, if you don’t mind, to see what can be mustered.” MARISHA: And, of course, we are always willing to repay in favors. MATT: “Of course. There are all sides and types of favors that can be helpful to the Crown and those below.” LAURA: Also, what do you think of puppies? MATT: “I think they’re droll and must be fed to their larger kin. So are we done here?” TRAVIS: Yes, I believe we are. Thank you for your time. We’re most gracious. MATT: “I’m certain it has been.” MARISHA: While he wraps it up, can I do a quick glance over her table or over her desk to see if I see any type of papers? MATT: Well, this is on the front doorstep. MARISHA: Oh, I thought she pulled us inside. I’m sorry. MATT: No, she pulled the crownsguard inside. TRAVIS: But since we’re inside of that seven-foot wall: windows, doors, security measures, how many floors? MATT: From the immediate front position, there is the door itself beyond the archway, two small windows to each side of it, though it appears that they’re closed, and they’re bisected with wooden beams between. TRAVIS: Shuttered? Wooden shuttered closed? MATT: They are shuttered, yeah, from the inside. You’d open them from the inside to bring in the light, but they’re currently closed. The second floor above you do see one balcony. It’s a bit receded and there’s a balcony that looks out over it all with a second set of doors, but that is currently closed. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: While we’re bowing on our way out, I’m going to drop my waterskin and spill it. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Erikson! TALIESIN: Oh! I’m so sorry, my lord. LAURA: Every time! Every time! TALIESIN: As I’m cleaning it up, I’m going to make eye contact just briefly. What do I see? I was curious what the reaction to this ridiculous creature is spilling shit all over her front lawn. That’s all. MATT: Oh, I got you. I follow you now. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: There is an immediate bit of a scowl and, “I would also ask nicely if you’ll stop bringing these demon bloods onto my estate to be ruining–” MARISHA: That’s what we were looking for this whole time. LAURA: Like the puppy thing wasn’t enough? Come on! TRAVIS: I mean, they’re kicking cats in this bitch, so it’s not that far off. TALIESIN: A thousand apologies, my lord, I’ll take your sister and make sure she gets her medicine. TRAVIS: You embarrass me! LAURA: How dare you, Erickson! TRAVIS: Please make sure she’s beaten as you lead her away. I apologize for his fuddy-duddyness. MARISHA: It’s hard to find good help these days. TRAVIS: Thank you for your time. Good day. MATT: She turns around wordlessly and goes inside and slams the door. MARISHA: Go, guys. Let’s go. TALIESIN: There’s easy ways to find out if people are terrible or not. TRAVIS: Yeah, that was good. Well, we walk a fair distance away from the crownsguard and we see Caleb and little pallbearer. SAM: Did, they– oh. Hi, honey! TRAVIS: Like a small Morticia Addams. LAURA: With a mustache. LIAM: So we’ve got it buttoned down. SAM: Did she offer to kill a bunch of innocents or anything? TRAVIS: Well, I mean she said that dogs should be fed to the larger ones. LAURA: And she said that tieflings were terrible. SAM: Okay, devil’s advocate, here: I really don’t like dogs either. LAURA: Yeah, but puppies, Nott, puppies. SAM: Yeah, they make great food. LAURA: Nott! SAM: When you’re out in the woods and that’s all that you have to eat, they have very tender meat! And, to be fair, (whispering) Mollymauk is a little bit of, I mean, I wouldn’t trust him either. TRAVIS: Right, but imagine if she had gotten her eyes on you. I mean, don’t know what she would have done. SAM: Well, that would make her the same as 95 percent of people in this city. TRAVIS: But that means she’s got to die. SAM: Okay, that’s true. LIAM: We are not going bring this woman’s life down in a shambles because she is an asshole, I mean, we are assholes. Ja? For different reasons. MARISHA: But we’re assholes without power, though. LIAM: Okay. And? MARISHA: I don’t know, it’s less dangerous? I don’t know. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, you notice that the streets themselves have long silken streamers that are affixed from light pole to light pole as part of the decoration along the streets, but you see additional decorations being put up. You see bunches of flowers being affixed to the top of these poles, you can see more streamers of multiple colors being placed around a center courtyard, in one of the mid-areas of the Silken Terrace. TALIESIN: Must be some sort of harvest theme that everything is going up. LAURA: Yes. MARISHA: It’s that harvest fest. Remember, there’s another tournament and stuff that we can enter into. TRAVIS: Is it just the Tri-Spire, or is it everywhere? MATT: Right now, it’s just being put around the Gilded Willows, which is a little ways further away from the estate as you’re heading back. You can see decorations going up, tables being set, it looks to be a small platform being risen. There’s some sort of event coming up fairly soon. TALIESIN: I’m perfectly content making snap judgements of people, I’ve been doing it all my life and it’s very rarely steered me wrong, and in another time and another place, I’d be more than happy to run something. LIAM: Okay, so let me go over this, then. We have no form of payment of any kind planned in advance. We don’t know if this woman has done anything besides being a snide puppy-hater. LAURA: She takes bribes. She’s a corrupt politician. LIAM: I have personally bribed people, I don’t know that I would– listen, I do not like the government–I say this quietly–I do not like the empire, but we’re really sticking our neck out with very dangerous people. I don’t think we have much to go on, I don’t think we know how we’re going to be receiving recompense for this. TALIESIN: There is going to have to be some coin, of course. TRAVIS: Certainly, your fears are founded. If there’s not enough pay, then obviously it’s not worth the risk. But I have to say, that even after meeting them for the second time, I feel like these people, they’re good folks. I think they just want to see their city bettered. Honestly, that Dolan fellow I think would do better in a seat of power than this current wench. LIAM: Well, I am willing to discuss our continued involvement, once the payment is figured out. TRAVIS: I think that’s fair. MARISHA: I mean, look. People in power tend to get corrupt, they don’t start corrupt. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter who’s sitting there, as long as we get paid from it, who cares? TRAVIS: And there’s still many things to figure out. We have to look after this Lord Sutan. But first, we should see to that afternoon meeting, about the coin. We should address that straight out. LAURA: I guess we have to leave the Tri-Spire then. TRAVIS: Yeah, I guess we do. We’re meeting them at the Song & Supper Inn. LAURA: What time? TRAVIS: Just after noon. LAURA: Just after noon? You didn’t get an hour? TRAVIS: I was not specific. SAM: We don’t have watches. TALIESIN: 12:01. It’s just after noon. TRAVIS: Yeah. Don’t make me say it. LIAM: It’s on all our minds. Unspoken. TRAVIS: I’m trying not to. TALIESIN: This place is giving me a rash. MARISHA: Yeah, I guess let’s head there, meet up with these guys. It’s probably about that time, yeah? MATT: Yep. So you guys make your way, reversing your steps, outside of the Tri-Spire, making your way towards the western side of the Interstead Sprawl, to the Song & Supper Inn. LAURA: Before we leave, are there any benches around, just sitting? MATT: There are a few, yeah. LAURA: I want to leave one of the pamphlets for the Traveler sitting on a bench. MATT: Okay, you sneakily slip it into a small gap, so it’s visible, but not liable to be blown away. Perfect. LAURA: Minus one. MATT: As you guys make your way to the interior of the inn, it is lively. It is the loudest, musically, tavern, you’ve seen. You get the sense, both by title, and by the interior, that this essentially a perpetual an open mic night for any musicians or bards who want to come and try out their craft. There are three different bands that are cycling through on the main, raised dais to perform. The atmosphere is lively, and folks come here for that. It’s a poor tavern, comparatively. The interior looks like a lot of the paint is chipped and run or crinkled, the smell inside is not the best, but it serves basic food, basic drinks, and at least an atmosphere of music and fun. Some folks sing along, and jump into a shanty or two. As you come in, you can see both Ulog and Dolan are currently sitting at a table across from each other. As they notice you guys approach, they raise a drink, and you can see the rest of the table they have ready for you guys to come and sit. LIAM: We have already dropped our disguises if they recognized us. TRAVIS: It took us 45 minutes to walk here. MATT: Your spells would have run out by now. MARISHA: Before we walk into the place, I turn my coat inside out, back to the blue. LAURA: Any guards in the tavern? MATT: Not in the tavern, no. There was one outside, but patrolling the streets. Not everything is super heavily guarded in smaller areas like this. LAURA: Does it look like anybody is looking at us, anybody else in the tavern? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Nice! LAURA: Ooh! 22. MATT: I mean, no more than anyone looks at you when you enter a room, being a blue-skinned tiefling. You don’t get the sense that anyone is casing you the entire time that you’ve been there. MARISHA: It doesn’t look like anyone followed us in? MATT: You don’t notice anybody following you in, no. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: You see Dolan and Ulog are there waiting at the table, as you come and join with them. Does everybody sit with them? TALIESIN: I’m going to sit at another table and listen in. MARISHA: Fjord and I will go over. TRAVIS: The rest of you are welcome. SAM: You’ve met with them before, right? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: So you could go over. LIAM: I could, yeah. SAM: Let’s go join them. TALIESIN: Really, oh fine. LIAM: Well, it has to happen eventually. TRAVIS: Molly, keep an eye on the room. MATT: You go with them to the table? Dolan gives you a look. “And this is one of your associates?” MARISHA: Is that a problem? MATT: “No, I’d just like to ask your name.” LAURA: Tonya Fancybottom. Nice to meet you. MATT: “Tonya? Pleasure. I’m Dolan, Dolan Thrym, this is Ulog.” He sits there, he’s like, “Hey.” They both take a very long minute and look over you. MARISHA: Hey friend. MATT: “I’m sorry, I’m just being careful.” LIAM: We’re pretty ragtag, but they’re both very good at what they do. LAURA: I’m blue. MATT: “I can see that.” MARISHA: People like her make you uncomfortable? MATT: “No.” MARISHA: You sure? What about people like him? People like him make you uncomfortable? MATT: “I mean only in the sense that they’re fresh faces.” MARISHA: All right, just checking. TALIESIN: I’m giving a clear. MATT: Ulog leans in, he’s like, “I’ve watched them a bit, they’re all friends, it’s fine.” Dolan goes, “All right.” TRAVIS: (whispers) We’ve got to look for that motherfucker more often. MARISHA: He’s fucking everywhere. He’s been following us a lot. You said he was shifty, a little criminal– MATT: Dolan goes, “All right, so, we’ve been looking for an opening, we’ve been trying to find out. We thought it was tonight, but they’ve pushed it back a day. There is a pre-harvest gala happening in the Tri-Spire tomorrow night. We figure this distraction would be enough to do any of the quiet infiltrations that we’re attempting to accomplish, should you still be interested in coming with us. I know there was hesitation, and I don’t want anyone to be coming into this that doesn’t feel comfortable. To be honest, I want to be comfortable as well, and to know that we’re going to bed with the right people. Are there any concerns? Any questions, worries?” TRAVIS: Sure. We did some casing of the High-Richter ourselves. She’s not the most savory type. I believe some of my associates have a question of, well, the unsavory topic of payment. MATT: “Right. I assumed that was probably going to be a thing. Me and Horris pitched in together. We don’t have much, but this is too important to not. Me and Horris put together about 115 gold between the two of us.” He puts a small thing on the table, showing it. He’s not putting it out in the open because he doesn’t want to be like “I have all this money on the table!” He’s like, “We have some. Kara put in 53 gold of her own.” Ulog leans in and goes, “513 gold, 21 silver, 302 copper. It’s my life savings. I want to see these fuckers burn.” MARISHA: Wait. 500 from his personal stash? LIAM: Insight check on that statement. MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: Balls. Total balls. MATT: Total balls? Hard to read. MARISHA: (whispers) Just under 700. TRAVIS: That’s about the same as the King’s Hall, yeah. SAM: Caleb? This job doesn’t involve monsters. That’s pretty good. LIAM: Literally, no. Figuratively? Yes. The biggest and the baddest, potentially. LAURA: Would we be all going to this gala together? MATT: “We wouldn’t be going to the gala. We would be–” MARISHA: Breaking in. TALIESIN: During the gala. LAURA: Oh, so no party. TALIESIN: Party after. MATT: “Party after.” TRAVIS: Would anyone of your group like to be joining us? Kara or Ulog, yourself? MATT: Ulog, still leaning forward, goes, “I’d like to. I have the most at stake here, monetarily. I’ve got skills I think will synergize well with the ones you bring to the table. I’ll be coming with you.” TRAVIS: I tend to believe him just because we haven’t seen him. LAURA: He’s pretty stealthy. MATT: Dolan goes, “Kara, her skills are more in the interpersonal level, not so much infiltration. And I’m just me, so I don’t think I’d be of much help.” LAURA: Do you have healing potions? MATT: “Actually, yes. Not many. We have a few left over. Horris should have a few more.” LAURA: Just in case we get hurt or something. MATT: “I hope that isn’t the case. Just in case, all right. I’ll have those sent. I’ll send them along with Ulog for you.” LAURA: Thank you. MATT: “Of course.” TRAVIS: Did you happen to draft up any of those Knights of Requital documents I asked for? Symbols? MATT: “Oh, yes.” He pulls out a small piece of parchment and discretely hands it to you under the table. You feel it tap your knee. As you look inside, it’s a symbol that looks like an R, but part of the R extends beyond to produce a K, almost. It looks like a sigil or seal that utilizes the title in it. TRAVIS: That’s actually nice work. MARISHA: That is really nice. That’s good. TRAVIS: I hate to burn it, though. MARISHA: You could do this, some graphic design. TALIESIN: Did you procure this for us? LAURA: He created them for us. TALIESIN: That’s impressive. MATT: “I haven’t used my art degree.” (laughter) TALIESIN: Wow! TRAVIS: Got Dolan drawing it. LIAM: Too real. MATT: “I have to ask you, because if we’re all going in on this, I have to be absolutely sure. Are you coming with us on this? You can back out. There’s no shame in that, but we’re not going to go in this without your help as well. That would be foolish.” TRAVIS: A moment for us to confer, if you don’t mind. LIAM: We would like to discuss. MATT: He stands up for a second and says, “Ulog, drink?” “Sure.” They both get up from the table and walk over to the bar to get another round. LAURA: I watch Ulog. TALIESIN: I can probably get one of them the way I did with Nott last night, if you like. Make sure we’re not walking into anything we don’t want to be. TRAVIS: I don’t get that impression, do you? TALIESIN: No, I do not, but– TRAVIS: Maybe not just yet. TALIESIN: That’s fine. TRAVIS: I like the offer, though. MARISHA: If anything, I feel bad. Feels like they’re investing a lot of money on this play. TRAVIS: They’ll get their return back if he’s High-Richter afterwards, though. MARISHA: If he’s High-Richter. TALIESIN: And if he’s not, then they don’t have to pay, because we obviously failed. TRAVIS: We’re just being paid to empty the seat, not to put him in it. MARISHA: Correct. It would be super unfortunate to see someone else slide in there, other than him. But like you said, not our problem. TRAVIS: Nott, Caleb? I know you had reservations. TALIESIN: It’s a good pay day. LIAM: I want to walk away very fast if this goes wrong. My hackles are up. It does not feel as sure a bet as other things that we have done together. But okay. SAM: If Caleb’s in, I’m in. TRAVIS: We’ll see what kind of plan we can come up with. We have a day. SAM: Yasha? TRAVIS: You hear thunder. TALIESIN: I respect this squarely, but if you really feel like this is turning, then we’ll turn. LIAM: But there’s money involved, so there’s incentive. MARISHA: We have a little bit of time. We can still do a little bit of casing, maybe go talk to the Gentleman and see what he has to offer in between. TRAVIS: We have a day, right? MARISHA: Right? A day and a night? MATT: Yeah. You have the rest of the day, the evening, and tomorrow night is apparently the Pre-Harvest Gala in the Tri-Spire. TRAVIS: When we will strike! Jester, how do you feel? LAURA: I think it sounds fun! Sure, why not. TRAVIS: Oh! okay. SAM: Should we order up some puppies to celebrate? Just kidding. LAURA: I’ve never eaten a dog. I feel like I would feel really weird about it. SAM: Me neither. TRAVIS: We can call them back over. MATT: You see Dolan and Ulog are having their drink at the bar. They walk up and sit down. “So can we count on you?” LIAM: One hundred percent. TALIESIN: We’re in. LAURA: The Fancybottom name is one you can trust! MATT: You see Ulog and Dolan share a look and nod. A smile comes across Dolan’s face. “Thank you. You won’t regret it! I suppose, prepare whatever you’ll need. We’ll meet back in the cellar of The Leaky Tap tomorrow at sundown, and we’ll take it from there.” You can sense this excited nervousness to his voice that wasn’t there before as he smiles. LAURA: Do you have a good way to get into the Tri-Spire? MATT: “We have a few ideas.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Til tomorrow, then!” TRAVIS: Til tomorrow. MATT: He gets up and finishes his drink and buttons the top button of his shirt, and then makes his way out. Ulog sits up, goes and takes what swills at the bottom of Dolan’s drink and finishes it, then finishes his drink, pops it down. “Til tomorrow.” He gets up and leaves. TALIESIN: Has anyone been watching us? MATT: Perception check. LIAM: He is hard to read. TALIESIN: That’s an eight. LIAM: Level three, motherfucker. MATT: You don’t notice anybody paying attention. LAURA: I feel like I would’ve been looking, too, because I was watching for people at the beginning of that. MATT: The only thing you notice is that on the way out, Dolan – As he heads to the door, you see Kara, the half-elf, was waiting at the door. As soon as he heads over, she goes, “So?” They both exit into the main thoroughfare. TRAVIS: I actually like what Molly said. I feel like tomorrow night, before we go, you should do your thing on Ulog. LAURA: I also have a spell that can make people tell the truth. TRAVIS: That would work great. I think they’d understand, too. If we did it too early, I think they– cause you to cause suspicion. After all, we’re only trying to make sure that this isn’t a trap set for us. LIAM: Which is possible. TRAVIS: Make you feel better, if we had the answer. LIAM: Yeah. Most likely. TRAVIS: What do we do this evening to prepare? SAM: Get drunk? TRAVIS: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of checking out Lord Sutan. SAM: Okay. MARISHA: We got to go back to the Tri-Spire? Which we can do. LAURA: Or, no, we can just go to the hall of the Hall of Justice. (laughter) LIAM: Meanwhile, at the Soltryce Academy. SAM and LAURA: The King’s Hall? MARISHA: Is that where Lord Sutan is? MATT: You don’t know much about Lord Sutan. You haven’t heard his name referenced at all with any of the– TRAVIS: They just left and we forgot to ask where the fuck he is! Twice! Can we run out after them? MARISHA and TRAVIS: Wait wait wait! MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Oh god. Oh! 15. MATT: 15? You glance through the crowd, and you can just make out, it the distance, the back of Ulog as he’s walking down the street, about to turn. TRAVIS: One sec. (panting) MATT: As you catch up, he glances over his shoulder at the sound of the running, and he goes, “What?” TRAVIS: You dropped this money. (whispering) Where do we find Lord Sutan? MATT: “I don’t fucking know. His estate? He’s not that far from where the gala’s happening.” TRAVIS: Just take it and say thank you! (whispering) Okay, don’t worry about it. (panting) They don’t know. LAURA: But the Tri-Spire. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: He knows where he lives, that’s it. TRAVIS: They know where he lives. MARISHA: In the Tri-Spire? TRAVIS: In the Tri-Spire. LIAM: So it’s another dance through the sewer if we want to do that tonight, which we could do. TRAVIS: Yeah. Maybe that guard got his job back. MARISHA: He respawned. LIAM: Yeah, I think that ship has sailed, Fjord. TRAVIS: I’m sure he’s fine. MARISHA: Okay, well at dawn, we plan? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Well, we got to figure out where the Lord Sutan’s estate is, get a wax seal, a writing, forge his hand. LAURA: We’re going to do all that during the gala? SAM: Yeah. MATT: That’s all, supposedly, in one night. TRAVIS: Fair enough. Yeah, at dawn, we plan. MARISHA: At dawn, we plan. MATT: At dawn, we plan. And that’s where we’ll pick up next week. Building up to– SAM: There’s so much build up. MATT: I know. D&D, motherfucker. So we’ll see where this takes you guys next week, during the Pre-Harvest Gala. MARISHA: I think we’re going to have to reignite our planning thread. TRAVIS: Yep! MARISHA: It’s time! LIAM: Come up with one. MARISHA: Yeah. Dust the cobwebs off of it. LIAM: Actually come up with one. MARISHA: It’s good. We’re going to go full Ocean’s Nein, you guys! TRAVIS: We got Pumat Sol back, man! We need Pumat every once and awhile. MATT: You brought back Pumat, you bought D&D smut. TRAVIS: That’s right! MARISHA: And bear claws. MATT: There you go! Bought some bear claws. TALIESIN: I got a nifty necklace. MATT: You did. TALIESIN: It does cool things on D&D– when I put it on my character, it did really cool things. It got a little picture. MATT: Oh, that’s cool! TALIESIN: On D&D Beyond. That’s nice. MATT: Awesome. Well, we’ll pick up for the ensuing tension next week on Thursday. This weekend, we’ll see you guys who are planning to come down to WonderCon for our panel, 11:30 in the morning, on Sunday. Hopefully we’ll see you guys there. Until then, have a wonderful night, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music] MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. (cheering) MATT: Before we get into tonight’s story, welcome. We have some quick announcements to do. First off, we have two fantastic sponsors for the evening. Returning for the second week for the newly released game, Far Cry 5. (cheering) TRAVIS: So good. MATT: It’s out for PS4, Xbox One, and PC. The latest installment of Far Cry, if you guys aren’t familiar with it, is set in the fictional Hope County, Montana, where a fanatical doomsday cult known as the Project at Eden’s Gate has taken control. If you are playing it or plan to play it, you’ll probably hear me and Marisha somewhere in that cult, I’m sure, or scattered in the game at some point. TRAVIS: You’re cultists? LAURA: I’ve always known that about you. MARISHA: It’s my true destiny, yeah. MATT: I got to work on my Montana for that one. It was fun. It strangely is. Sorry, Montana. Grab your sidekick, train your dog, and fight against Eden’s Gate in the most Far Cry way possible, which is with extreme force, so pick up a copy today. Hope you enjoy. TRAVIS: The prologue is so good it is currently encompassing Brian Wayne Foster’s life. MATT: This game is a lot of people’s lives. I’ve watched people vanish over the past couple days. LIAM: Raving about it. It’s only been out for five seconds, and everyone’s gaga. MATT: Yeah. Jess Black in the game is voiced by our friend of the show Julie Nathanson. She is amazing and you should enjoy her work in there as well. That’s our first sponsor for the night. Our second sponsor and our continuous sponsor for this new campaign, our friends at D&D Beyond. (cheering) SAM: Here to talk to you about D&D Beyond is a returning friend of the show. (laughter) MATT: No! No, why? SAM: Bonzai, wave hogs and hog-ettes, it’s Brody Slater, king of the kick-flip, jamming about the froobs at D&D Beyond. You all know I love letting my leash out on maxed shore breaks at Steamer Lane. Real bang! When I’m not flashing the shaka at some quimby on a softboard, I’m chillaxing with my buds with some gnarly roleplaying games. Now, I’m partial to Dead Earth, Empire of Satanis, and F.A.T.A.L.– slotted!– but my broheims are hooked on fifth edition, which means I get stoked for D&D Beyond. If there’s one thing Brody Slater loves more than shacked eskimo rolls, it’s diligent organization. Right now, you can go to D&D Beyond’s Facebook page and leave a comment on their top (stammers) pinned post, telling them your favorite moment for episode 11 of Critical Role to be entered to win a legendary bundle. Far out! So don’t be a Benny Poser, head on over to D&D Beyond and enter now. Hang 11! (cheering and clapping) LAURA: Wait, leave it on, because you kind of look like Estelle Getty. (laughter) MATT: If Shakäste comes back later on, you can play his spiritual weapon. LIAM: That made me uncomfortable so fast. MATT: The character didn’t click until he said he played F.A.T.A.L., and then I was, oh, I know who this is now. SAM: I don’t even know what that is, I looked it up. MATT: Don’t. It’s awful. It’s the worst. TRAVIS: Is that the third time we’ve had him? In our lifetime? SAM: Fan favorite. And by fan, I mean me. (laughter) MATT: Thank you, Sam. SAM: I’m a fan of my own character. TRAVIS: Like Halley’s Comet, you always come around. MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you to D&D Beyond for being awesome supporters of the show. A couple quick things after that. First off, reminding you guys about Twitch Prime. If you have an Amazon Prime account, you can connect it to your Twitch account, and every month you can subscribe for free to a channel of your choice. Whether that’d be us or anybody else you’d want to show some love to, costs you nothing and it’s pretty awesome, so do it if you haven’t. If you need a recap for campaign two, we’re doing our Critical Recap episodes now with our fantastic Dani Carr, who is doing succinct updates and reminders for things that have happened in the campaign, or if you’ve missed something and don’t have the time and want to watch live, you can watch Critical Recap and be right ready to go when you’re here on Thursday. LAURA: Right ready to go. TALIESIN: Right ready. MATT: Talks Machina, of course, is every Tuesday evening. We just had our WonderCon panel that we did this past Sunday on Tuesday night for Talks, and it’s online. You can go watch it on Youtube now. Again, Geek and Sundry Youtube, should be up there to watch it. But the episode of Talks for tonight’s episode will be next Tuesday at 7pm Pacific with our fantastic host Brian W. Foster. Please come join those of us who will be here, and enjoy. LAURA: My mom called me today, and she’s like, “I’m watching you in the WonderCon panel.” I was like, oh no. What did I say? (laughter) TRAVIS: I think your language was actually pretty good. LAURA: Was it? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: We kind of had to. Yeah, on the back of the name cards, it says, “Please don’t ever say bad words.“ TRAVIS: We still dropped a few. MATT: Yeah. I mean, we’re only human. MARISHA: We do our best. MATT: True. Most of us. Except for Taliesin. TALIESIN: Thank you. MATT: The podcast of last week’s episode, episode 11, is available for download, so if you listen to the show audibly or have friends who do, they can download it now, where finest podcasts can be downloaded. C2E2 is coming up! Not this weekend, but the weekend after, in Chicago. We’re all going to be there. We have panels, signings, all of the information is up on the website now. You can find it on the Geek and Sundry Twitter or the Critical Role Twitter if you’re wondering what is happening and where to go. We’d love to see you. Please come and be a part of the crazy convention. It’s probably going to be pretty crazy. SAM: Is it? MATT: It’s pretty big and there’s a lot of people going. TRAVIS: Chicago is a tiny town, though. There’s not really a lot that’s there. It’s a couple trains or little puddle-jumper flights to get there. LIAM: Are you pre-rolling your goddamn dice now? TRAVIS: It was one roll! LAURA: It’s true love, baby. MARISHA: There was definitely more than one. It was at least two or three. MATT: We’re watching you like a hawk now, man. TRAVIS: Never again. MATT: Also, our fantastic friends at 826 and 826LA; they’re a great charity. They do wonderful stuff for children in creative writing. Please go ahead and check out what they do, see if you can help support it or actually be a volunteer if a chapter is near you, so check it out. We love them and you should do so too. I don’t think we have any new merch per se other than just the reminder, you have that wonderful shirt. LAURA: Oh, this shirt?! MATT: It looks good on you even when you’re preggers. LAURA: Thank you. SAM: Even better. LAURA: This is our first maternity shirt. MATT: Officially. Unless we have anything else to say, I believe that gets us caught up and ready to dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Hello and welcome back. Last we left off, the Mighty Nein had gotten in bed with a rebel group who had been meeting in the interior of Zadash. Unhappy with some members of the local government of this city, they had been trying to discover a way they could discredit some of the corrupt individuals that have been causing some strife in this city to some of the locals. You had met some of these individuals a few times to discover that there is an End of Harvest Gala that was arriving fairly soon. That was going to be a distraction period to allow them to infiltrate the abodes of two individuals in particular: Lord Sutan and the High-Richter Prucine. You discussed with them last time a plot, fixing their not-very-well-put-together plot into a better direction, thankfully. TRAVIS: We’re all fucked. MATT: –to acquire a wax seal within the home of Lord Sutan to create a letter that you feel would be incriminating, then to infiltrate the High-Richter’s home, do the same, and then report them to the lawmaster, or whoever else you’d think would be of higher estate. This is transpiring tomorrow evening. Where we last left off, it was later in the afternoon after your final discussion. You guys have a day to prepare however you wish to. SAM: A whole day? LAURA: Well, half a day, and then a whole other day. MATT: Mighty Nein, what would you like to do? TRAVIS: What’s the lawmaster’s name? MATT: Orentha. MARISHA: Dayana Prucine MATT: That’s the High-Richter. MARISHA: Oh, Orentha. LAURA: Where are we right now? MATT: Right now, you guys have just finished meeting with the other members of the Knights of Requital in– TRAVIS: At the Song and Supper Inn MATT: Song and Supper, yes. TALIESIN: Previously known as the Knights of Requital. EVERYBODY: Right, yes. MATT: No longer. TRAVIS: We’ve got to figure out where fucking Lord Sutan is, right? We don’t have any eyes on that location. MARISHA: I think it might also be smart to see if we can drum up any type of handwriting samples for possibly both the Lord Sutan and the High-Richter, so we can more convincingly forge documents. TALIESIN: We have Book Boy, too, he could probably tell if they’re the same or not with his– MARISHA: With his brain. TALIESIN: With his brain. MARISHA: With his head. TALIESIN: Yes. Well, the eyes in it, yes. LAURA: Wait, what did you say? I wasn’t listening. SAM: (groans) LAURA: There was a spiderweb in the corner of the room and it’s really pretty. MARISHA: You’re good at forging, right? LAURA: Yes, I am! Why do you ask? MARISHA: We have to get some handwriting samples, right? Of the Lord and the High-Richter, that way we can write letters, make it seem like they’re– LAURA: Yes, I’m very good at writing letters. TRAVIS: Where would we find something that’s handwritten? SAM: Maybe on the job board at that place. TRAVIS: Would that come from them, you think? SAM: I don’t know! LIAM: They might have some sort of edict written by Prucine. TRAVIS: Yeah, we didn’t really check to see if they had signed any of them, did they? TALIESIN: We had them, would we have noticed if they were hand-signed or if they’d been printed? MATT: At the job postings you had seen on the task board outside of the King’s Hall, they were handwritten, but they all had been written by the Herald of the Hall. He was the one who was handling most of the jobs that were being distributed. Whatever information comes to him, he’s the one who posts them, it seems. LAURA: Well, I guess we we’ll just have to find a letter within their house, and then I can forge it right away. SAM: On the spot? How fast a forger are you? LAURA: I’m a really quick thinker and I’m also a pretty fast writer. SAM: Here, let’s test you. I’m going to write down, (stammering) “Oh, what a goose I am.” Copy my handwriting. LAURA: Okay. MATT: (laughing) SAM: It’s pretty good. (laughter) MATT: I was going to make you roll for it, but no, you got this. MARISHA: Nott, I think we’re going to need you to both break in the house and also maybe into some safe that they have in there. SAM: Me? MARISHA: Yeah, you’re good at lockpicking. SAM: Okay. Will I be in there alone? MARISHA: No, we’ll be with you. LIAM: We will decide who goes in. I also want to discuss what exactly we are going to forge before we go in, because the plan that they laid out for us was not good. MARISHA: You can say it. LIAM: Scheisse is a word for it, but they talked about making it look like Sutan had broken into Prucine’s home and rolled it. I don’t know what effect that would have on her, so I think maybe we hatch some sort of conspiracy between the two of them to assassinate Orentha, so we will go to Sutan’s house and we will leave– SAM: I’m drinking. MARISHA: Nott, what was the last thing Caleb said? SAM: I always listen to Caleb, he’s my right-hand man. MARISHA: What did he say? SAM: Poutine. MARISHA: That’s not what he said, but that is delicious and now I want some. LIAM: Follow me please, for a moment. We have to do our homework first, but after we do homework, we go to Sutan’s, we find this seal, we hold onto it. We leave fake communication that you will write that is from the High-Richter, calling for a hit. LAURA: But how will we leave something from the High-Richter if I don’t know actually what her handwriting looks like yet? TRAVIS: I was thinking, do they have post here in this city? Someone that comes and picks up mail? Could we jack some of her fucking outgoing mail? LIAM: You have stolen mail. MARISHA: I have. LIAM: You can do it again. SAM: You’re proficient in mail fraud. MARISHA: I am definitely proficient in mail fraud. TRAVIS: What time is it? MATT: It’s later afternoon. TRAVIS: What’s the exact time? No, I’m just kidding. MATT: Don’t pull a Liam. MARISHA: There would be a public record somewhere, right? LAURA: A public record of her handwriting? SAM: Well, if she’s issued any sort of royal, official things, yeah, there should be some sort of record. LAURA: She is a judge after all, right? MARISHA: And generally those public records tend to need to be open for– TALIESIN: These are the most intense public officials I’ve ever attempted to swindle, so I’m not entirely sure what we do at this level. MARISHA: Well, I will say, worst case scenario, we don’t necessarily need to match her handwriting, but some type of coding, potentially linked back to her. We can almost mimic it. People who are doing sneaky things never use their real handwriting. TALIESIN: Leave a mark on a tree, etcetera. if you agree to these terms, and then we leave a mark on a tree, similar sort of thing. MARISHA: Sure. Maybe some accounts of the Myriad. TALIESIN: A bag of gold in a trash receptacle. TRAVIS: What the fuck are you talking about? SAM: We’re leaving a bag of gold in a trash receptacle? TALIESIN: I’m saying that there’s nothing to commit proof other than money actually exchanging hands. We used money for these things all the time back in my day. So if that letter asks for some sort of assurance or some sort of money to be placed: “Please hire a couple people, you can leave some money in this location for them,” and if they find that money, then they know they actually consented and agreed to this whole argument. LAURA: This is very complicated. SAM: Extremely. TALIESIN: It isn’t that complicated. TRAVIS: What if we divide our forces for now and try to find that handwriting sample? One of us goes and looks for the post, the other one tries to find those public records. LAURA: What if I go find the High-Richter and ask for her autograph? SAM: Like you’d be a fan? LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: I don’t know if Richters have fans. TRAVIS: Yeah, she was kind of unpleasant. LAURA: Really? TRAVIS: Yeah, she wasn’t really about that fan life. LIAM: Did not care about your buttons. LAURA: That’s right. She was vain. LIAM: The goal to be that we leave something in Sutan’s house that would make it seem that the High-Richter has ordered a hit on Orentha and we leave something behind in Sutan’s house: fake communications with the Myriad. So we tie Sutan to the Myriad, we tie Sutan to Richter, and then at Richter’s house, we leave forged documents, we have a letter from Sutan with the seal, and also we leave communication with the Knights, whatsit– MARISHA: –of Requital. Where I thought you were going, Molly, which isn’t a bad idea to leave some sort of money trail, is leave a certain amount of money with any type of paperwork that might also be mentioned in a document in the adjacent house. So paranoid rich people are always paranoid rich people, right? So they always have these safes filled with documents. LAURA: Oh yes, we had one of those at our house. MARISHA: Were you guys paranoid? LAURA: Well, no, we just had a lot of secrets. (silence) MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: I’m baffled by the notion of building a box inside of a larger box inside of a larger box to hold papers, but fine. SAM: Step one is: find documents. This is the most exciting thing we’ve ever done. MARISHA: We also need to find where Lord Sutan lives. SAM: Oh! So find addresses and documents! MARISHA: Correct. SAM: Ooh! Cue the music. LAURA: I bet that the people in the Knights– previously Knights– they would know where Lord Sutan lives. MARISHA: They might even have some sort of documentation or record. Remember Dolan was saying that they got ousted from their practice because of this Lord Sutan. Maybe they already have a paper trail. LAURA: Don’t we know where Dolan lives? MARISHA: We do. Nott tracked them. SAM: I do. I saw their home? He lived– LAURA: Oh, yes. Harold? Horris. LIAM: Also, they will put out of businesses, if possible, they have some sort of paperwork that would come from the desk of the High-Richter. TRAVIS: Possibly, but if we go by there, we can’t be seen. LAURA: We can’t be seen. We’d have to be in disguise, or one of us. TRAVIS: Or knock on the back door, if such a thing exists. TALIESIN: Let’s start by talking to our friends before we start investigating our allies. LAURA: Yes. Let’s go that way. MARISHA: Do we have any– LAURA: Go get him, monk. MARISHA: That’s going to be really cool when I can do that. Really cool. Catch a fly. Anyway, moving on, that was me. LAURA: Should we go to Dolan’s house? SAM: All of us? TRAVIS: Is that how we want to find Lord Sutan’s address? LAURA: Maybe the Richter’s handwriting, too. MARISHA: I wonder if we can track down Ulog. TRAVIS: That seems like a good idea. SAM: One thing at a time. LIAM: That’s another thing– and we can table this– but there is also the possibility that this is all just a honey trap, and that we’re being drawn in for as big a fish than the Knights are themselves. MARISHA: You think we’re big fish? LIAM: Well, I think that they think they are looking for potentially big fish. I’m not saying that we are big fish. But we might be walking into a trap, so eyes on a swivel, is all I’m saying. TRAVIS: So you’re saying Ulog probably is in trouble and is going to roll over on us in order to get something taken off of him. LIAM: Potentially, or any of them. Ulog seems the shiftiest, but that doesn’t mean that he would necessarily be– LAURA: Ulog’s probably listening to us right now. TRAVIS: To Dolan’s, then. SAM: All of us? All right, let’s go. MATT: All right. You guys make your way, following Nott, who had previously trailed Dolan to the home, and you eventually find your way to the outskirts of a very simple– it’s a hovel, but only because it’s been in disuse for a while. There is a single front door, it looks to be a two-chamber home, with one large central main living space and one bedroom in the back. The roof itself is made of heavily pressed-together thatch and stick. As soon as you approach, you can see that the front door is closed, and you see a little bit of movement through the window, someone walking around. SAM: Who wants to go knocky-knocky? LAURA: We shouldn’t be seen with them. TRAVIS: Yeah, you said there’s no back door, right? Side windows, anything like that? SAM: No, I just saw a window and a door. Right? MATT: From what you saw, yeah. TRAVIS: Well, it should be one of the three of us, because that’s who they’ll know. LIAM: You two have been speaking to them the longest. TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. LAURA: Go do it, Fjord. LIAM: You are a good talker, Fjord. TRAVIS: Okay. SAM: In disguise or as is? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m going to fucking change it up. Is there a little alley that I can pop into before I head over to his place of residence? MATT: Yeah, two buildings over, you look off to the side and there’s a small alcove of shade where you could probably pop in quickly and dispense a spell without it causing any ruckus. TRAVIS: Yeah, I cast Disguise Self and I turn back into that– black cloak with gold trim, the long black hair– MATT: The same figure you brought to the High-Richter’s? TRAVIS: That’s right. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I tie my robe. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Nice. MARISHA: It’s all I’ve got. MATT: Doesn’t take a spell slot. LAURA: You’re not going up there with him, right? Because he’s in disguise now. You look the same, Beau. TRAVIS: Yeah, if you look like you– MARISHA: No, I got that. Yeah. TRAVIS: We don’t want to have them see us going over there. MARISHA: Okay, well then you go. TRAVIS: Cool. All right. MARISHA: Feel free to give me like a– TRAVIS: Oh, what’s the sign? LAURA: (screeching bird call) LIAM: No, that’s not it. TRAVIS: A peacock? LAURA: I thought that was a hawk. SAM: (pigeon cooing) TRAVIS: Was that supposed to be a hawk? A pigeon? (pigeon cooing) SAM: (pigeon cooing) TRAVIS: Fair enough, it’s a pigeon. A feral pigeon. MARISHA: I’ll listen for the pigeon. LIAM: A peacock is a fancy pet. SAM: What are we signaling for? TRAVIS: If there’s trouble. LAURA and SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: All right. MARISHA: There’s a signal, we have one. TRAVIS: I walk over to Dolan’s house. MATT: All right. Knock on the door? LIAM: What happens if a pigeon goes by? (laughter) SAM: A flock of pigeons come down. LIAM: (spell noises) MATT: All right. As you knock on the door, there’s a pause, and you see out of the corner of the window, the edge of a face peek out there, and then disappear behind, and a voice goes, “Who is it?” TRAVIS: Yes, it is– I bring word from the Mighty Nein. May I come in, please? MATT: You hear some rustling, some unlocking process, and the door opens up and you can see Horris opens the door and Dolan’s behind. “Yes, please, come in.” Looks just past you as you enter the building and they close the door behind you. TRAVIS: Is there anyone in the room that I don’t see besides Horris and Dolan? MATT: It’s just the two of them at the moment. MARISHA: Do I see– sorry. TRAVIS: I’ll drop the disguise. MATT: Okay. They both pause for a second. “Oh, wow, all right, you are as skilled as they say, it seems. That’s pretty useful.” TRAVIS: I apologize. We realize that after you– (drawl) I apologize. (laughter) TRAVIS: After we finished speaking, we realized we weren’t aware of where Lord Sutan resided. MATT: “Oh, right. His abode– he lives in the Gilded Willows in the Tri-Spires.” MARISHA: Knew that much. MATT: “He’s, I would say, not too terribly far from the Skyscape Park and where the Constellation Bridge tower stands. It’s a three-story house, dark wood, gold leaf carving. It’s a bit gaudy, hard to miss amongst some of the other ones there, although all of them are gaudy in their own right. Look for the three-story, iron-gated, dark greenwood building in that vicinity.” TRAVIS: Great. Will do. Another thing that we realized– in our efforts to frame and forge, which are vast, you don’t happen to have any handwriting from Lord Sutan, do you? MATT: “Unfortunately, no, most lords are very careful with documentation transfer back and forth, they usually go through direct parcel services.” TRAVIS: There was nothing that ousted you from your business, any sort of receipt, or– MATT: “Oh, no. (chuckles) Nothing that was directly from his hand, at least. They usually go through intermediaries for that purpose.” TRAVIS: Is there anyone else in the area that we should know that he does business with, that he might communicate with regularly? MATT: “I mean, that would be the one that replaced us–” And he nudges over to Horris on the side. “That would be–” I had that written down. Somewhere in here. Oh, shit, it’s my older notes. TRAVIS: There’s a pen pal. And finding out who the pen pal is– MATT: Exactly. SAM: (pigeon cooing) MARISHA: This is really good all to know. Now we’re getting all this information. LAURA and SAM: (as pigeons) High-Richter! TRAVIS: No, there’s no fucking pigeons. LAURA: (as pigeon) High-Richter’s handwriting! MATT: “I believe it’s Ren Sutan.” TRAVIS: Ren Sutan. MATT: “Yes.” If not, the Internet will correct me. SAM: Ren Sutan is his name? TRAVIS: That’s who he wrote to, though. LAURA: Oh, I thought Sutan was a title, like Lord Lord Lord. MATT: “Oh, no, Lord Diedric Sutan is his name, Ren–” TRAVIS: It’s who he wrote to. MATT: “Ren is his son who he placed to destroy and take over our practice.” TRAVIS: Well, he sounds like a real son of a bitch. MATT: You hear Horris, off to the side, arms crossed now, hearing all this, goes, “Yeah, you could say that.” TRAVIS: This Ren Sutan, any idea where we might be able to find him? MATT: They both look at each other, and you watch as Dolan glances out the window. “Not that far outside of the Apple Tree Tutorship vicinity, you will find a white and peach building, with a few banners in the front, and that’s Ren’s new practice.” TRAVIS: A physician also. MATT: “Yes.” TRAVIS: A dark physician, most likely, hmm? MATT: “I mean, sure.” He looks confused. (laughter) MATT: “Dark physicianry I guess is an issue in some parts of the world, I suppose?” TRAVIS: Yeah, rampant where I’m from. Just real fucking dark. MATT: He looks back at Horris. Horris is like, “Right. Well, if you come across any dark physicianry, please do your best to quell it where it… seeds.” (laughter) TRAVIS: Indeed I will. Indeed. MATT: “Thank you.” TRAVIS: You probably will not be hearing from us again before the task is done. SAM and LAURA: (as pigeons) High-Richter! TRAVIS: No. LAURA: (as pigeon) We need it more! High-Richter! (laughter) TALIESIN: I keep trying to make a sound, it’s just nothing’s working. TRAVIS: Was I supposed to say stuff about the High-Richter? MARISHA: I don’t know, I’d say take the foot-in-mouth signal. LAURA: We need the handwriting of the High-Richter more than Lord Sutan’s handwriting. MATT: You’re not there. LAURA: (exasperated sound) (laughter) SAM: We blew it. LAURA: Fuck! (as pigeon) High-Richter! SAM: (as pigeon) High-Richter! TRAVIS: Thank you. We won’t trouble you any longer. MATT: “No worries. I suppose since– Tomorrow evening, when everything’s set to go, me and Horris, Kara, we’re not going to be present when all of this goes down, so we have deniability when we turn our information in for this whole endeavor, but I think Ulog and you guys should meet on the outside of the tavern that we met at earlier today to kick this off.” TRAVIS: Song and Supper Inn. MATT: “You got it.” TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MATT: “Well good luck, and–” MARISHA: (drawl) Mustard. Biscuits. LIAM: (drawl) You’re just a little feller, you oughtn’t talk like that. TRAVIS: Lock that door behind me, and I leave. MATT: All right. Locks the door. SAM: How did it go? LAURA: Did you get the handwriting? TRAVIS: Stupid pigeons. SAM and LAURA: Did you get the handwriting of the High-Richter? TRAVIS: Yeah, but I’m not sharing it. Yep. Got it. Got it, no problem. Read it, looked at it, I understand what it looks like. Let’s go. (laughter) LAURA: Fjord, we need it. Really bad. TRAVIS: Nope, sorry, not going to help you. LAURA: Did you not get it? MARISHA: What did they say, though? TRAVIS: A whole bunch of stuff, but I can’t say it around them, I just won’t, out of principle. MARISHA: Okay. All right. Yep. LIAM: Yeah, but actually do you think you could go back and say that you forgot to ask a question? LAURA: Just say, hey, the whole point of this was to find the High-Richter’s handwriting as well, and maybe– LIAM: I understand that these two are really busting your balls, and I commiserate with that, but we do need in fact to ask. TRAVIS: Now, see, if you ask nicely, yeah, things will ha– I walk back up to the door. (laughter) TRAVIS: Knock-knock-knock. MATT: The eye peeks through the window once again. TRAVIS: One more thing. MATT: (door opening) MARISHA: I’m keeping an eye out for anyone watching. TRAVIS: Totally forgot to ask, you don’t happen to have any handwriting from the High-Richter do you? MATT: “No, that would make this a lot easier.” TRAVIS: Yeah, I know. (laughter) TRAVIS: Great. MATT: “Sorry.” TRAVIS: Have a good day. MATT: “You too.” (door closing) TRAVIS: No. None. LIAM: Okay, well, we checked that box off, so now we have to get to work. SAM: We got some good information, we got Sutan’s address and Ren’s address. TRAVIS: Yeah. Blah blah blah, Ren’s address and the address. Now you got it. SAM: Oh my god! MARISHA: Oh, and it’s super interesting– LAURA: Whoa, that is really good, Fjord, you did a really good job in there. MARISHA: Also super interesting that they mentioned having other people do their work for them. (pause) Okay, let’s go! TRAVIS: Was that mentioned? MARISHA: He said they have other people do parcel service and stuff for him. TRAVIS: Oh, okay, yeah, that. Blah. MARISHA: See? SAM: So you’re saying that we could use other handwriting as well, and it wouldn’t be out of the ordinary, as long as it beared the signature and seal of said place? MARISHA: Well maybe not even a signature. Most people trying to be smart about not getting caught aren’t probably like my name and social security number. LAURA: What if we get some parchment that says from the home office of Lord Sutan? SAM: Ooh, a letterhead. MARISHA: You want stationery, sure. TALIESIN: Beyond actual, personal stationery. I think the notion would be is that you would actually send your actual handwriting in something like this because that way they would know that it was you. You would be very careful how and who you would send that through. You wouldn’t want a second person taking dictation as you plotted to overthrow the government. MARISHA: Okay well how about this, I think the seal is going to be good; I think any type of money amount mentioned in any of the letters and then we cross that and leave that type of amount of gold in the– like there’s been a money hand off. TRAVIS: We’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s stay on task. Let’s head to the Gilded Willows where in the Tri-Spire, where the fucking Scottsdale party– What do these notes say, Skyskate Park and Constellation Boulevard. LIAM: Knotts Berry Farm. SAM: Constellation Bridge. TRAVIS: Yeah that thing. SAM: Constellation Bridge. MATT: Constellation Bridge tower and Skyscape Park. MARISHA: In between Adventureland and Frontierland. (laughter) TRAVIS: Yeah, I was writing real fast. TALIESIN: It’s good there’s a bathroom on the way to that. That works out well. MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. SAM: So we’re going there with the express purpose of–? TRAVIS: Just recon. We’re trying to see what this place looks like, if we can see Lord Sutan. Then we’ll make a decision if we go after his son or not. Who maybe has some of his handwriting. SAM: That’s in the Tri-Spire. So we need to go through the sewers to get there. TALIESIN: Maybe a birthday card. LAURA: Or we can go up, a few of us, through the actual front gates and then meet up with everyone. MARISHA: Okay, well how about half of us go to Lord Sutan’s and half of us go check out Ren’s. TRAVIS: Sure. LAURA: Okay. SAM: What are we looking for at Ren’s? TRAVIS: Handwriting. SAM: Okay, from his papa. TRAVIS: And see if Ren’s a son of a bitch. Yeah. SAM: Okay. MARISHA: I’ll go to check out Ren. TRAVIS: Yeah me too, because I can’t make it through the gates. LAURA: Oh. SAM: I don’t think anyone can make it through the gates, except for you. TRAVIS: That’s what I was wondering what you were talking about. TALIESIN: I thought we were going to take the sewer to get in there. LAURA: I thought Beau might be able to get through the gates, actually. MARISHA: I could get through the gate. LAURA: Huh? TRAVIS: Because she’s got a cloak now. LAURA: Yeah and it’s not a magical disguise. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Cool. MARISHA: I’ll go check out– yeah. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Caleb, where you want to go buddy? LIAM: I will go to Sutan’s. TRAVIS: Wait, they’re both Sutan. LIAM: No, the elder, I’m sorry. SAM: Will you be able to get in? LIAM: Not without you. You’ll come with me? SAM: We’ll sneak on in through the sewers? LIAM: Well how do you want to do it? SAM: They’re talking about going straight in through the gate because they’re, you know, respectable. LAURA: (distraught) Well it’s such a thing to get into the sewers. We have to make a distraction and everything, every time. TALIESIN: Perhaps we should just have a two person reconnaissance for now. LAURA: Right. MARISHA: We can manage ourselves. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: We’re good. LAURA: Yes, we won’t get into any trouble. TRAVIS: Yeah, you won’t bring back Clarota or nothing, it’ll be great. LAURA: We know our way around. TALIESIN: Too soon. TRAVIS: Can’t be. MARISHA: We got this, let’s go. TRAVIS: Should we meet back at the Song & Supper Inn at what, sunset? MARISHA: What time is it? LAURA: Or just at the Leaky Tap. MATT: You got maybe an hour and half to two hours before sunset. LAURA: Let’s just meet back at the Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: Okay, fair enough. SAM: At the Leaky– LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: The Leaky or the Song & Supper? We’re talking about two different– Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: Leaky Tap. MARISHA: Hour and a half, all right. LAURA: Let’s go. MARISHA: Break. LAURA: Woo! MATT: You both make your way toward the Tri-Spire. As you make your way towards the front entry gates there, one of the guards posted there is familiar with you and begins to let you through. As you approach– MARISHA: I flip it to the blue side, cobalt. MATT: As you pass through, a few steps behind Jester, the guard approaches, “Halt. I don’t believe I’ve seen you through here before.“ MARISHA: Oh I’m– LAURA: She came through earlier. She’s with me. MARISHA: Literally like 24 hours ago. MATT: “Very well.” MARISHA: Thank you. MATT: Steps back. You guys make your way, following the directions to the Gilded Willows. You see the massive tree-tops that fill out the skyline from your perspective. Every home seems to have a row of greenery between. It’s a very, very beautiful neighborhood. You can follow where the Constellation Bridge Tower as a beacon and as it guides you towards its area it doesn’t take long for you to see the large, gaudy, three-story complex that is Lord Sutan’s home. You can see the gold leaf carving along the edges of each of the various stories in between. The dark green slats that are there, are coated in some sort of a lacquer material that almost glistens in the sunlight as it passes. The sunset colors now starting to make their way into the cloud-covered sky. You do see marble pillars at the corner of the estate’s grounds. With iron gates that link each of them, with about maybe five foot bit of simple lawn-hill that separates the gap between the gate and the building itself. MARISHA: Are the gates chained shut or does it look like there’s a lever? MATT: Well the gates on all them are solid except for in the very front and the very back. Both of them appear to be closed and locked. You do see, posted at the front of the front door, there are two crownsguard that are there keeping watch. On the back end as you case around to the rear side of the home, there is a singular crownsguard and a dog that is on a chain. MARISHA: Two in front. Does it look like there’s any blind spots, any trees that go up and cusp over the walls? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Hashtag NBC Blindspot. MARISHA: Not good. Eleven. MATT: It’s hard to see where any perspective would be a blind spot. For entry, other than above or from the sides because the front and back seem pretty well covered by these guards, as they’re currently posted and standing there. So the only things that really make sense would be either flanking the building or something that guides you over top. That’s all you can think of. LAURA: How high are the buildings next to the house? MATT: The one that is immediately to the left of it is two-story, it’s a shorter building. There is a tree to the immediate right of it that rises up to about the height, if not a little taller, than the actual home itself. The building next to it is another two stories. This one lords over the other buildings, but there is one large tree that is about five feet from the edge of the wall. LAURA: Okay. That seems usable. MARISHA: It’s a big jump but we can do it. It’s not too big. LAURA: Like a five feet jump? MARISHA: That’s doable, yeah. LAURA: From, like a swinging branch? MARISHA: From rooftop to wall. MATT: It’s five feet to the wall, and then about five feet from the wall to the actual building. So it’s a ten foot from the tree to the roof. TALIESIN: Could you parkour the wall? MATT: You could certainly try. MARISHA: That was what I was thinking, wall to wall. SAM: Monk shit. TALIESIN: I knew you were already there. MARISHA: Do they look like one of the– MATT: The gate’s about eight feet tall and the building is three stories. So I mean there are some roof-edge perches the stories kinda taper with each additional floor. So there is a small space, maybe a foot, a foot and a half wide that you could shoot for. If there was something you wanted to try but– LAURA: Are there windows on that side of the house? MATT: There are no windows on the base floor, or at least none that you can see. The second floor you do see one set of double windows that open. Though they are currently closed. Those are on the two side edges of the building. LAURA: Is there a balcony connected to them? MATT: No. There’s no balcony. MARISHA: No balcony. So there appear to be– MATT: The only balcony you saw was in the large balcony at the front of the High-Richter’s home, but not on this one. MARISHA: No balcony, okay. LAURA: So a few guards. MARISHA: Uh-huh. LAURA: A dog. MARISHA: A dog, I like dogs. LAURA: I love dogs. MATT: As you glance at the back of the building, the doors that you see immediately, there is one set of doors that is the front with the two guards are. The back where the other gate entrance is, there isn’t another door that leads into the home. There is a double-cellar door that descends beneath. That is what is currently being guarded with a man and the dog. LAURA: Okay. I wonder if anything would lure the guards away from the house. MARISHA: Yeah, maybe a drunk. A drunkard trying to break in somewhere else? LAURA: Maybe. MARISHA: You know, a public disturbance. LAURA: Maybe a drunk trying to talk to them in the front of the house or something. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Or in the back. MARISHA: I mean our group is pretty good at causing distractions. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: They can do that. That’s totally- LAURA: Some people jump up and over? MARISHA: Yeah. It’s going to have to go fast. LAURA: Yeah. Oh man. Maybe we could get some rope and a grapple. MARISHA: Yeah we could do that. LAURA: We could throw a grapple for ten feet, I know that. MARISHA: Do I have a climber’s kit? MATT: Do you have a climber’s kit? MARISHA: I don’t have a climber’s kit, but we can go buy a climber’s kit. LAURA: We can go get a climber’s kit. MARISHA: Yeah. Okay. TRAVIS: I just got a shit-load of ball bearings. TALIESIN: I got ball bearings, man. (laughter) MARISHA: Guys, let’s challenge ourselves. We have to break in, only using ball bearings. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: How do we do it? MATT: The new D&D nightmare mode. LIAM: (shiftily) You need some some ball bearings man? MATT: You’re all level one bards with nothing but ball bearings, go. TALIESIN: Call me pinball wizard. LAURA: We did a good job scouting this place out and stuff. MARISHA: Yeah. Do there seem to be any weak points, any loose bricks in the walls? MATT: Unfortunately– MARISHA: As we walk by, I’m playing with the wall, but I’m testing for weak spots. MATT: Well the wall is an iron gate. They’re all long, iron fencing gate. There are the marble pillars at the corner of each one. So it’s open, it’s a series of bars. LAURA: Are they pointy-top iron bars? MATT: They are. They are poodle impalers. MARISHA: Oh. TALIESIN: Yeah that changes things, the landscape. MARISHA: I understand now. TRAVIS: You can see if it hurts your hand if you touch it. LAURA: I bet it does. MARISHA: Oh there’s no– LAURA: Can you stick your fingers through the bar? MATT: Do you want to try it? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Okay. LIAM: You die. MATT: Okay as you place your hand through the bar– TRAVIS: No fucking way. MATT: Nothing happens. TRAVIS: (laughs) Ah, you son of a bitch. MATT: No, it’s fine. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: (vaporized noise) LAURA: Disintegrate. MATT: Game over. TRAVIS: Yeah, new character. LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: You know, when I used to hop fences back where I came from– LAURA: Mm-hmm? SAM: Where was that? MATT: You’re not there. SAM: Oh I’m not there. (laughter) MARISHA: If you’re ever trying to get over barbed-wire or any pointy fences, you take a rug or a bedroll, and you throw it over there, and you hop over and you– LAURA: That’s personal Marisha experience isn’t it? MARISHA: Yeah I mean– TRAVIS: That’s some Fight Club shit. MARISHA: I’m just throwing that out there. It works. TALIESIN: A plank of wood will work too. LAURA: I feel like that would be a really good idea. I feel like it might be a little noticeable to carry around a rug. MARISHA: A bedroll is not too bad. LAURA: Most people in the Tri-Spire don’t carry around bedrolls. LIAM: (coo) Haversack (coo). LAURA: Yes but it’s little. MATT: Shh. LAURA: You’re not there. SAM: It’s not him, it’s a pigeon. MATT: That’s true, you’re right Sam. SAM: There’s a metagaming pigeon in this. (laughter) TRAVIS: (coo) Remember (coo). MATT: (coo) Bonus action (coo). (laughter) TRAVIS: (coo) Hunter’s Mark. (laughter) MATT: Can we please make the metagaming pigeon a thing now? I’ve played with a few in my time. (laughter) TRAVIS: Turn Undead (coo). MATT: All right. Anything else you guys want to do while you’re there? LAURA: I think– are we good? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, let’s go. MATT: Okay. Do you guys want and try for a climber’s kit on your way back? MARISHA: Sure. MATT: Okay. It takes a little bit of time to find a place because some of the shops are starting to close past sunset. The time it took you guys to get there, do a full casing and come back the sun has set and the sky is getting darker. However, thankfully a climber’s kit is not all that expensive. With a full cost on that– come on. Climber’s kit– ha, I was wrong, 25 gold. MARISHA: (groans) LAURA: What if we don’t want the whole kit, just the grapple part of it and the rope? MATT: Just the grappling hook? TALIESIN: We have rope. MATT: Two gold. LAURA: And the rope? MARISHA: We’re just trying out the gym. We’re not fully committed to it yet. MATT: (laughs) Right, can I get a consultation first? LAURA: What is fully included in the climber’s kit? MATT: (funny voice) Ah, climber’s kit includes a lot of things. (normal voice) Includes special pitons, boot tips, gloves, and a harness. That’s for mountain climbing. LIAM: CrossFit T-shirt. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: I have pitons, and a hammer, and rope. MATT: Some nice core balls you can sit on. Yeah, so you want a grappling hook and rope? You can get those. Those are cheaper. LAURA: Yes that would probably be a good idea. MATT: Grappling hook is two gold and the rope– you want silk or hempen? LAURA: (whispering) The cheaper one. MATT: That would be hempen, so that’s one gold. SAM: You’re probably more familiar with silk bindings. MATT: So three gold for a single grappling rope and rope. LAURA: That I use for different things. SAM: Got it. LAURA: I don’t use them at all. MATT: So mark down that you have a grappling hook and 50 feet of hempen rope. LAURA: Okay. MATT: All right. As you guys are accomplishing that, the rest of you– LAURA: I’ll get rid of– I’ll pay for it. MARISHA: All right. MATT: The rest of you, what are you doing? LIAM: I don’t think we want the group to be too big. Let these two handle this Ren and you and I will wait at the Leaky Tap and lay low. SAM: You want to let them go off on their own? LIAM: We don’t want to create– why do we want a group– TRAVIS: You’ve never heard of safety in numbers and all that shit? SAM: They have to break in somewhere, they’re going to be– TRAVIS: Yeah man. I just figured you’d be a part of this. SAM: I mean, I’m with you Caleb. If you don’t want to go then let’s go back to the Leaky Tap. LIAM: No, we’re going to break into houses together. Of course I’m willing to do this. I just feel like for this– what are you planning to do? TRAVIS: Just some simple reconnaissance. See if we can see Ren, maybe have a conversation with him. If he’s not a total prick, I don’t know, maybe he’s got some of his dad’s handwriting. LIAM: Yeah, okay. SAM: We don’t have to go, I don’t care. LIAM: No it’s fine. SAM: It sounds scary to me. LIAM: No I– my head is not in the game. We’ll go along. TRAVIS: Great, we’re going to head towards the Apple Tree Tuneship? What did I write here? MATT: (laughs) The Tutoring Village. TRAVIS: Thank you. MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Oh god. Nine, twelve. MATT: Twelve, okay. It takes you a little while to get there. You haven’t actually been to the Tutor Village before. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: Okay, same difference. So you manage, through asking questions and finding your way around, you manage to get to the Tutor Village right around sunset. You do see, about one block over, the large, white-peach building that you had previously been told by Dolan. You see the sign up; it’s called the Guided Hand Infirmary. It’s one story, but it stretches wide towards the back. It’s like a large shotgun building. TRAVIS: Guided Hand Infirmary? MATT: The Guided Hand Infirmary. You can see light from the interior. There are two windows at the front, and a row of windows as it continues down the back of the alley. The alley, you can see, actually lights up, because the bright interior warm light reflecting off of the buildings on the opposite side, down the alley on each parallel end of it. The building itself seems fairly well made, there’s elements of a plaster material put against the wood to make it seem a little less cracked and broken on the vicinity around it. It looks like a little more money went into this complex than a lot of the surrounding buildings. TRAVIS: Right. He’s a physician. Well, before we put a personal touch on it, do you people with sneaky abilities want to see what you can see in the windows? LIAM: Yeah, well, we could send Frumpkin to have a look around. SAM: That’s a good idea. LIAM: I send Frumpkin. He will run around the entire building, if he’s able. He’s also able to climb things, so I will get him up on top of window sills, if he can, to take a look inside. MATT: As Frumpkin curls up and jumps onto the windowsill, and you glance through the vision of your familiar. The first window you come across, inside, it’s a simple room, it’s painted a similar white, peach color. There’s a single bed, maybe twin size, with a single sheet. You see an individual who is currently lying on it, with not quite Caleb dirty clothes, but not an upperclassman by any means. Upperclassman? Not what I was going for, that’s fine. TRAVIS: Seniors ‘99! (laughter) MATT: Wooo! Sydney football rules. Weird. But, you do see this individual is currently has a full arm bandaged, with blood soaked and dried on parts of it, and they are currently asleep, and the door is closed. There is a lantern inside that is set to keep the room warm. LIAM: Is there the ability for Frumpkin to move around to the exact opposite side of this building? MATT: Yeah, have him move around, go around the front. LIAM: Yeah, he will jump up to any windowsill on the back of the house as well. MATT: As Frumpkin keeps watch on each of these, each chamber seems to either be empty or there’s somebody in some state of either rest, or waiting. You see one person, a younger girl maybe fifteen or sixteen years old, who is waiting on the edge of a bed, sitting quietly in a room by herself. Glancing around, she looks over and sees Frumpkin, and goes, “Kitty!” and makes the hand motion to try and pet– You go around the back door and you can see one room has two beds that currently have two individuals that are coughing heavily. They’re sick with something pretty bad, and there is a person inside that is dressed in a white robe that is in the process of bringing them both broth, but they have a mask over their face, a piece of cloth tied behind, and it looks like they’re treating some diseased patients. This is, for all intents and purposes, an infirmary. LIAM: Yeah, did you say this was a one story building? MATT: It’s a one story building, but it’s quite long. It goes back quite a bit. Other buildings are spotty and build the space around the outside of this block, whereas this infirmary stretches the entire length of the block. LIAM: Five to ten minutes of hopping from ground to window a bunch of times, all I find are patient rooms. No sort of office or anything else? MATT: Correct, it looks like all– It looks like it’s built so that all the rooms that have sunlight are the rooms where the patients would stay. Anything important would be kept in the interior of the building. LIAM: One last thing, how high is the roof? MATT: The roof is about, I’d say, 12 feet up. LIAM: Fjord, come here. Scooch down for a second, and I jump up onto– I’ve taken my vision back– I jump up onto his back. Now, stand up! TRAVIS: 11 strength. Okay… Oof! LIAM: Okay. I snap at Frumpkin, and he vanishes, and I reach out, and Frumpkin appears. I am now within ten feet, I would assume, of the top of the building, so Frumpkin is on the roof. (teleportation noise) I want to send him to look– Then I hop down off of Ford and put my hand and steady myself on Fjord and have Frumpkin look for any holes in the roof, or if there’s a skylight, or anything. Probably not, but it’s worth a try. MATT: As you’re focusing, Fjord, you notice a small child, maybe five or six years old, this scruffy reddish hair and a dirty smashed face, walks up and goes, “What happened to the kitty?” TRAVIS: Oh, you know, it ran up on the roof. We were trying to chase her down. You want to see if maybe she ran around the corner? MATT: “I was going up to pet it, and it went away!” TRAVIS: Yeah. They’re tricksy like that. MARISHA: Second time your cat just vanished. TRAVIS: Tell you what, if I see it, I’ll call out. What’s your name? MATT: “Oh, I’m Simon.” TRAVIS: Simon, okay. MARISHA: Simon! SAM: We found him. LAURA: Simon became a real boy. MATT: He’s a real boy. (laughter) TRAVIS: Simon, I’ll call out if I see him. Why don’t you see, if you run the other way, see if you can find him. MATT: “Okay.” He runs around the other side of the building. Frumpkin is on top. And, looking at the top, the front of it looks really nice. The top, which nobody sees, doesn’t look that great. It’s a pretty shoddy, wooden slats over wooden slats, across the entirety of the roof complex. You can see one small trap door, about the center of it, that is currently closed. LIAM: Okay, I call him back. MATT: (Meowing) LIAM: Then I (snaps fingers). And then he’s on my shoulder. MATT: At which point, you hear a kid go, “Whoa!” Simon is now on the side, staring at this disappearing and reappearing cat. LIAM: Yeah, cats are the best. I don’t know, there’s a trap door up there, but, I mean, we’re not going in. SAM: Go. Go away! Go. Go away! Shoo! Go away! MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: (laughing) Oh my god. SAM: 14. MATT: 14. (screaming) and he runs. SAM: Oh, sorry. LIAM: Well done there, yeah. What do we want to do? This place is full of sick people. TRAVIS: Right. Unless Ren is actually on the inside. If they had an office, maybe we could rifle through some– LIAM: Yeah. And if we’re going in, what do we do? We could have one of us be ill perhaps. TRAVIS: Yeah. Or just ill on the front doorstep and keep them occupied. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah. I could, you know, kick the shit out of Nott in the face, and then be like (yelling). SAM: I mean, we’ve got Mollymauk with us. Why don’t you just do the same thing to him? TRAVIS: I could kick the shit out of Nott in the face, and then like– SAM: I don’t appreciate this. At all. I feel like I’m being singled out because I’m a woman. (laughter) LIAM: A better idea, perhaps, is for one of– You’re able to disguise yourself, right? TALIESIN: To a point. LIAM: There’s three of us, that we can all disguise ourselves. I can make myself look like like a sick person. TRAVIS: Although, he’s a physician. So he might try to, you know, check. And I think, up to touch, it falls apart. LIAM: Well, you can make yourself look like you, but with not green skin. TALIESIN: It’s standard carny practice to be able to fake boils and stuff with a disguise kit to leper up a bit? MATT: It would take you about an hour or so to do so. To a studied physician, probably not going to hold up. TALIESIN: Sure. MATT: You can certainly try. Depending upon how high you roll. TALIESIN: Could fake some sick on people. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, I could mimic whatever you have, and try to stay at arm’s length. TALIESIN: You can just drag me in. TRAVIS: I like it. Yep. TALIESIN: I can make a scene. TRAVIS: Yep. I like that. Then you two try to get into the office somehow? SAM: If there is an office. TRAVIS: I’m assuming there is. It’s a doctor’s office, right? LIAM: There is some sort of trapdoor in the center of that building that I don’t think is mirrored by any of the rooms that I was able to see on the outside of the building. So it’s like a donut with a hole in the middle, is where, maybe, what you’re looking for. TRAVIS: I think that makes sense. We’ll cause a ruckus, see what you can find. LIAM: Yeah. Ruckus, you and I go in. SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: Have we talked about the other house yet? Because the distraction was obvious. TRAVIS: Is it? TALIESIN and MARISHA: What kind of dog was it? TRAVIS: Well, they’re not here. TALIESIN: Was it a guard dog? TALIESIN: They haven’t gotten back yet. Nevermind, all right, I’m jumping ahead. TRAVIS: It was a Chihuahua on a chain. TALIESIN: We’re in! TRAVIS: Fierce as shit. Spiked collar, tongue out– TALIESIN: We’re going to need a bigger boat. MARISHA: Its name was Princess. CALEB: We’re going to walk right in. These two are going to create such a fuss. TRAVIS: How long do you need to make your face all lepered up? TALIESIN: About an hour? MATT: About an hour. TALIESIN: And who said I was going to do my face? LIAM: Couldn’t you maybe act like– TALIESIN: We don’t want them to look at it too closely. SAM: Look like you’re just– Cough and stuff? LIAM: Could you be a sick tiefling? TALIESIN: Oh, I’m going to do that, too. I’ve got a plan. MATT: You’re going to spend time and apply. SAM: Oh, I’ve got it, I’ve got it. Faster. What if Caleb burns all of your clothing and you go in as a burn victim? TALIESIN: You’re not going to touch my clothing. CALEB: That’s not, we’re not doing that. TALIESIN: No, we’re not setting fire to my clothing. I’m going to mess up my junk what fierce. TRAVIS: Oh my god. LAURA: Gross. MATT: In the street? TALIESIN: No, back at the– do we have a place where I can work, or am I going back to the Leaky Tap? Or is that too far away? MATT: That’s up to you, you can try and duck into a shady corner. And spend an hour. LAURA: Spend an hour painting your dick? TALIESIN: An hour painting my dick? No, I’m going to need some privacy for that. (laughter) TALIESIN: I’m also going to need to order some breakfast food. Something eggy. LAURA: Ugh. TRAVIS: For fuck’s sake, Jesus. Really? TALIESIN: Really. TRAVIS: Okay. All right. TALIESIN: I thought you wanted a distraction! TRAVIS: I do! I’m all about this. Let’s go find breakfast. Jesus. LIAM: When we go in, we don’t walk in just you and me. We do Mother’s Love. SAM: Yes. Yes. We do Mother’s Love. LIAM: Just in case. SAM: Yes, good idea. TRAVIS: Can we find a tavern? TALIESIN: A Denny’s, whatever. The worst pub ever. MATT: You can get yourself some evening scrambled eggs for five copper. TRAVIS: I think we need sunny-side up, don’t we? TALIESIN: No, I’m going to scramble everything. I’m going to get some beer. I’m going to get some mayo. I’m going to get a little bit of everything, I’m going to put it in my– LAURA: In your butt. MATT: All right. If you’re gathering all those materials from a scattered meal– TALIESIN: A little bit of hot sauce. MATT: We’ll put it at about eight copper for the total. TRAVIS: I’ll pay for it. Don’t. It’s on me. TALIESIN: No problem. We’re going to put it in my– I’ve got a little water sack. I’m going to mix it all up and put it in there and wait till we’re ready to go. MATT: Okay. I’m going to say for this, go ahead and roll a d20. Add your proficiency bonus and intelligence modifier. MARISHA: Come on, stage makeup class! TALIESIN: D20, proficiency bonus, intelligence modifier? MATT: Yeah. Because this is about trying to come up with an accurate means of looking like you’ve been infected with something. TALIESIN: That’s 11. MATT: 11. Okay. You take an hour and you’re pretty proud of it. You think it’ll work fine. SAM: Did you add your intelligence bonus? TALIESIN: I have no intelligence bonus. SAM: Oh, great. TRAVIS: Do I dare ask what it looks like? TALIESIN: You can see. LIAM: Yeah, show us the goods. What did you do to yourself? Oh! TRAVIS: Why would you even? TALIESIN: That’s the brilliance, is no one’s going to look that closely. TRAVIS: That’s in your brain forever. TALIESIN: Literally forever. MATT: For a month. MARISHA: This is going to be the weirdest fanart. TALIESIN: Shit! I didn’t even think about that! God damn it. LIAM: I will have Jester sketch it out and we will have it forever. TRAVIS: Are we ready to do this? Are you ready to make a damn fool of yourself? TALIESIN: I’m always ready to make a damn fool of myself. TRAVIS: All right. Let’s go. We go up to the front door. Where are y’all going? LIAM: We’re going to hang back. Is there a nook or an alley within view of this? MATT: There’s alleys on each side, but they both have windows that are lit, so you would be in one of those vicinities. LIAM: Can we go half a block away? MATT: You could. You would be at a distance though. LIAM: Yeah, that’s fine for the moment. For the moment, yeah. Get ready, we’re going to do Mother’s Love. SAM: How will we know when to go? LIAM: We’re going to watch them at the door. MATT: All right. So the two of you enter. You go through the front door. It’s a double door. It pushes open. It doesn’t appear to have resistance, it’s on a hinge. You push in, and at the front there’s a clerk there, wearing the same white robe: a middle-aged man, receding hairline, short hair, big bulbous red nose, some pock-marking on his cheek. He looks up. “Can I help you?” TALIESIN: No, I’m fine. I’m perfectly, perfectly fine. I don’t need to do any of this. TRAVIS: (coughing) No, you need help. It’s real gross. TALIESIN: I’m fine! MATT: He reaches down and pulls a cloth up and puts it immediately over his face. “Okay, um– ” TALIESIN: No, I don’t – I was born in a place like this. I don’t want anything to – I’m going to give myself a little (grunt). Sir, there’s – (vomit). I’m going to go for it right in his face. LIAM: The ruckus is audible all the way down the block, so I turn myself into a half-orc woman and pick up Nott like my baby and put her head on my shoulder and start walking towards the building. MATT: Okay. As you’re doing that, I need you to roll a deception check with advantage because you’re helping. TALIESIN: Magnets, how the fuck do they work? That’s nice. 21. MATT: 21! As soon as you spray in the face, he’s like (sputtering). Takes the scarf off and (panting) “Sit down, please!” He points over to a bench on the side. TALIESIN: I’m going to start crawling along the floor and i’m going to cut myself a little bit on my neck. Since I’m used to it, I don’t mind a little blood. I’m giving myself a good cut, maybe there’ll be a little ice fleck. I don’t know if I want to activate that, if it’ll work on my fingernails, but what the fuck. I’m going to start crawling, leaving a trail of vomit into the next room, going, no! No! MATT: Take a point of damage. TALIESIN: Yup. TRAVIS: I go the opposite direction he starts walking. (hacking cough) MATT: The clerk at this point goes, “Please! Stay tight, I’m going to– shit!” He leaves the room. SAM: Go, go, go, go! LIAM: We peer in the door. What is going on in this room at this point? MATT: You walk in as you see there’s a spray of stuff across the clerk’s counter. You see both Mollymauk and Fjord crawling in opposite directions across the floor as you hear footsteps, and the clerk had just rushed out of the chamber down the hallway. LIAM: We are going to go between them like Noah through the water. Oh, that’s the wrong – Moses, yeah. SAM: Like Noah through the ark! LIAM: There’s vomit and eggs everywhere! MATT: What you see now is there’s two hallways. There’s one to each side as you enter. Where the clerk’s desk was, it looks like there’s all the rooms you saw on the right side, all the rooms you saw on the left side, and there are chambers in the center of the building with the two hallways that bisect the two areas. You can choose right or left, it’s up to you. The clerk went down the right side. LIAM: I will take the left one if the clerk went down the right side. MATT: Okay. As you’re rushing with Nott in your arms, you head into the hallway on the left side and you glance and can immediately see another person with a robe, who is holding a small satchel of some sort of greenish material. They walk and see you. “Excuse me, can I help you?” LIAM: (crying) SAM: (baby wails) MATT: Make a deception check, please. SAM: Oh, no, me? That’s a negative one. (shriek) MATT: “What seems to be the problem?” He looks, as opposed to being empathically interested in your well-being, is genuinely disturbed by the sound the child is making, Rosemary’s Baby style. LIAM: Frumpkin appears on the back of the guy’s neck and starts tearing in. SAM: Oh, God, you’re using it to attack? You can do that? MATT: Roll an attack for Frumpkin, please. TRAVIS: My allergies are going to be shit in about five seconds. My worst nightmare. LIAM: Oh, my gosh, for a cat? I mean, it’s a 13 plus I don’t know what. MATT: That hits, he’s wearing a robe. Go ahead and roll. LIAM: Starts clawing. One? MATT: We’ll say it’s one point of damage, is a cat’s scratch. As it’s clawing, he’s (screaming). He starts screaming and grabs Frumpkin on his back and tries to pull him and throw him off. Frumpkin full-on spins, scatters, all claws and legs out, lands on the ground. (Angry cat sound) Full puff-up, tail and everything. At this point you watch another doorway flip open, and you see a man come out with very short brown hair on the sides with a pompadour in the front and a similar white robe, but it looks like it’s longer-sleeved with more detail. He goes, “What is all this ruckus happening?” MARISHA: Ooh, I hate him. I hate him already. MATT: “What is a cat doing here? Get the cat!” He watches as the clerk says, “I don’t – shoo! Shoo! Shoo!” He’s trying to get Frumpkin to leave now. TALIESIN: Off in the distance you hear, You have no legal authority over me! (vomit) TRAVIS: (hacking cough) MATT: There’s now other workers of the infirmary coming out of the rooms that are all starting to gather. The one who saw you in the hallway is now coming towards you while shooing Frumpkin out. You watch the guy who had left the chamber head back into the office and close it. People are starting to scatter. You guys are waiting in the two rooms now, you said? You found two separate rooms? TALIESIN: I’m just running the hall. MATT: You’re just running the hall? TALIESIN: I’m crawling in the hall. MATT: What are you doing? TRAVIS: I’m standing there like (hacking cough). I think I shit my pants! MATT: So you’re coughing loud in the room. You’re crawling in the hall. Behind them? LIAM: Is there enough chaos for us to step into one of these open rooms and shut the door behind us? MATT: We’ll find out in a second. Now we have you spitting and freaking out. The two clerks that are trying to push Frumpkin out are trying to escort you. They see you. They’re like, “Sir? Sir?” They start grabbing your arms and lifting you up. TALIESIN: (vomit) I’m still bleeding from the neck. MATT: They start dragging you into one of the rooms on the side. They open one room and there’s somebody in there already who was sleeping but is starting to come to, going, “What’s happening?” “Sorry!” They close the door, go to the next chamber, and start dragging you into an empty room. TALIESIN: I’m going to immediately – I’m going to go limp. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: Then the minute the door’s open, I’m going to make a break for it. MATT: All right. They open the door– TALIESIN: I’m out! MATT: You bolt? TALIESIN: I’m going to bolt. Full speed. MATT: Make an athletics check. TALIESIN: All right. Athletics or acrobatics? Athletics? MATT: Actually, this would be your choice. TALIESIN: Oh, yay. That’s nice. Nine? ALL: Nine! MATT: You try and pull away, but in the moment, they’re genuinely worried about your well-being. They’ve probably had patients try and make big physical actions while they’re in their care, and they hold you back. TALIESIN: It’s magic! I’m possessed! I turn to one and go, (in a guttural voice) The power of Christ compels you! I’m going to use Devil’s Tongue and I’m going to do a couple points of damage to him. MATT: Devil’s Tongue or Vicious Mockery? TALIESIN: Vicious Mockery. TRAVIS: Oh, lord. Oh no. TALIESIN: It’s only a couple points. MATT: Okay. That’s 11. What’s your DC on it? TALIESIN: On Vicious Mockery? Where’s my – I’m not used to magic. It’s so weird. MARISHA: I’d like to say, I feel pretty good about our casing mission. MATT: What’s your charisma modifier? TALIESIN: Charisma modifier is zero. SAM: Your modifier’s right there. TALIESIN: Is it? I’m blind. Where does it go? MATT: It’s fine. They succeed. You shout this and one of them (groan). They grab and throw you into the room. You (whoosh) into the chamber and they close the door, pushing you inside of it. TALIESIN: It would’ve been a plus three modifier, sorry. MATT: Well, what’s the DC of the spell is what I’m asking? TALIESIN: I’m trying to find that. I’m not used to magic. MATT: That’s okay. TALIESIN: Yeah, never mind. MATT: It’s fine. They shove you into the chamber. They close the door. You land on the ground and you hear it lock behind you. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: You are now a dangerous patient who needs other glancing. While that’s happening and they’re distracted by that, you guys– LIAM: Look for an empty room. Or is every room in the house full? MATT: I’d say about half of them are full. You see two chambers that are empty. LIAM: I go in and shut the door behind us. MATT: All right. You close the door. You guys both make stealth checks real fast. LIAM: A one. SAM: 21. MATT: All right. You enter the room and close it. What are you doing? SAM: What are we doing in here? We have to go back to the office! LIAM: Yeah, but he’s in the office. SAM: We could – You’re right. Maybe we should just leave. Molly and Fjord will be fine, we’ll just leave. LIAM: We don’t know. That’s a no, we’re working together. We’re trying to work together with people. No, we have to get all of us out of here, which is more important than finding this asshole in the building. What do we do, what do we do? SAM: We have some– We could– I’m looking. What do we got? We could do Enemy of My Enemy? LIAM: That seems extreme at this moment. SAM: (stammering) You could set the place on fire. You could– I don’t know what to do! MATT: (knocking) “Hello? Is there somebody in here?” SAM: Shh! MATT: The door opens and you see that there’s a clerk who had apparently heard the door close behind you as you had entered the room and is now walking into this darkened chamber. As soon as the door opens, you guys are on the opposite side of the door. He walks over towards the lantern in the corner to light it, because the room is dark that you’re in. There’s nobody in there at the moment. He walks over. LIAM: Let’s go. Out we go. SAM: Okay, let’s go! We’re going to run out the door. MATT: “Oh, wait! Wait!” You guys bolt past into the hallway. You guys dart out to the entrance and out into the night air. SAM: Wait, out of the hospital or just out of the room? LIAM: I wasn’t saying that, but I don’t mind. SAM: Just out of the room. MATT: Oh, just out of the room. You guys are out of the room and the person sees you. LIAM: No, but we’ll go down the hall towards the front of the building to look for, I would assume, Fjord and Molly at this point. MATT: Well, you guys find Fjord there, coughing loudly, while you are currently locked in this room. TALIESIN: I know. Is there a window? MATT: There is. TALIESIN: In the door? MATT: Yeah. Well, no. There’s a door, it’s a closed solid door, and there’s a window looking outside. TALIESIN: (cackling) Are there bars on the window? MATT: There’s not. No. There is one cross bar that is maintained, it’s more to support the four panes of glass, but that’s it. TALIESIN: All right. I’m going to peek out the door to see if anybody’s coming for a minute. MATT: Peek out the door? TALIESIN: I mean the little door window. MATT: Sorry, there’s no window in the door. TALIESIN: No window in the door and the door is locked. Okay. I’m going to start gently meditating on breaking the window, or opening the window if it’ll open. MATT: Okay. While you’re meditating on that– LIAM: Is Fjord alone in this room? MATT: Fjord is alone in the room. LIAM: I turn and show him Nott. SAM: We got to go! TRAVIS: Did you get anything? SAM: No. TRAVIS: Well don’t give up! (cough) I walk out towards them. Do you have a privy? I think I shat myself. MATT: There are two clerks now that were originally fleeing to get help and have come back now with the gentleman with the short brown hair, who’s exited the opposite side of the chamber now. “We’ve brought the doctor.” He moves before the doctor, who approaches. “All right, so you appear to be sick.” TRAVIS: Yeah. (cough) I have a terrible cough and apparently my breakfast didn’t agree with me and I coughed a little too much and felt a pack in my pants. MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: Is this the doctor that we saw before? MATT: Yes. TRAVIS: 15. 16. MATT: 16? He goes, “All right. Please have a seat in this chamber.” TRAVIS: I think I got shit in my pants. Can I visit the bathroom real quick? I don’t want it running down my thighs and stuff. MATT: “There’s an outhouse about two blocks down outside. Come back – ” TRAVIS: You don’t have anything in the building? MATT: “Get in the room. We’ll get you a pan.” TRAVIS: All right. Yeah. I go in the room. MATT: You go in the room, and one of them pulls out a metallic bedpan and sets it down on the side. TRAVIS: Can I have a little privacy while I check my undercarriage? MATT: They close the door immediately and then turn to you two: “We’ll get to him in a second. What’s your problem?” LIAM: (soft voice) Fever. She has a fever. MATT: “Let me see her.” He comes forward and puts his hands out towards Nott. SAM: (hisses) MATT: Do you do that? Make an intimidation check with advantage. SAM: Intimidation? Negative three?! How is that possible? 13. MATT: 13. The physician goes (screams), falls back. The other two clerks or physician helpers catch him: “Get it out! Get it out! Out! Shoo!” SAM: I’m going to scamper towards the office if I can, as fast as I can. MATT: Make an acrobatics check to try and dodge past their grasp as you begin to dart through their– SAM: Oh god. Nine? They got me. They got me, guys. MATT: As you run, all of a sudden there’s a tug on your cloak and the same younger physician who had told you to get out is clutching the back of your cloak and lifts you up off the ground. “Well then, someone’s going to play nice with the Crownsguard,” and turns and starts bringing you towards the exit. “You too, outside!” SAM: Oh no. This couldn’t have gone better. TRAVIS: Am I in the room by myself? MATT: Yes. TRAVIS: Can I cast Disguise Self and give myself the same sort of clerk/orderly outfit as… MATT: Yeah, easily. TRAVIS: Maybe not looking exactly like one of them, but like them in a uniform. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. Can I exit the room and come out into the hall? MATT: You exit out and the two other ones are looking a bit confused. He’s currently dragging Nott who’s flailing on the edge of the cloak, dangling, out into the main area. TRAVIS: Get him out of here. I walk past them, towards the office where the doctor is. MATT: Okay. He goes and throws you out onto the street. Pushes you out, Caleb, and goes “Guard!” and begins pointing loudly over there, down in the direction of where you tumbled and landed on the ground. LIAM: Wait, so who’s where outside? MATT: You guys got shoved out into the front of the facility. Nott got tossed, landed, and stumbled a few feet, and they’re now shouting for the guard and pointing at Nott. LIAM: Pointing at us? Okay. SAM: Enemy of My Enemy now? LIAM: (groans) That still seems extreme. We should just book it. SAM: Are you fast? All right, fine. I’m not leaving you. I’m much faster than you. MATT: You guys start bolting? SAM: We’re going to start to run. MATT: As you guys run, they don’t give chase because it’s not their job to do so, but they start shouting and shouting. I want you both to roll stealth checks to try and see if you can avoid the sight of the Crownsguard that are in the process of responding to the shout. SAM: 15 from me. LIAM: Only a ten for me. MATT: Okay. As you guys dart into the nearby shadows, plugging down a few alleyways, you hear some voices in the distance, some conversations, some shouting, and then some footfalls that get loud… and then get a little softer, and eventually a little softer and fade off. You just barely scraped by on that one. MARISHA and LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: You, however, darted off towards the open office and as soon as you glance in there, you can see there is a desk set up, there is a chair, there are a number of large books and stacks of parchment. It looks like there is a whole rack up top with various medicinal herbs and salves that are categorized into small makeshift cubbies. This is where a lot of the treatment seems to be mustered. TRAVIS: Can I turn, and as I start to close the door behind me, can I look down the hallway and see if anybody is walking towards me in the hallway. Is it relatively clear? MATT: Well, it’s clear for the moment, but the man who was just in this office just finished throwing Nott outside and is in the process of talking with the Crownsguard. You don’t know how long you have until he returns. TRAVIS: Can I grab a handful of papers off the desk and put them under my shirt and start walking out? MATT: You palm a bunch and throw it in there, all right. You exit, just as you see them returning to the hallway with the physician straightening his outfit, making his way in your direction. Doesn’t even make eye contact with you, just brushes by and shoulder-checks you, which is hilarious because the size of your visual is much smaller, so it’s like (impact) “Watch it!” and was two inches away, but doesn’t seem to notice in the moment that he actually did so. Makes his way into the office, you hear the door close behind you, and the two other clerks frustratingly start scattering and making their way to the other chambers. One of them is talking to the other about, “I don’t know what happened. He went crazy and started spitting and was bleeding everywhere,” and they’re both making their way to the door where Molly is in. TRAVIS: That was very unruly; I need to excuse myself for a moment. I’ll head out of the infirmary. MATT: Okay. You head back out onto the street. You are in that chamber for a while. Are you doing anything? TALIESIN: How long has it been? TRAVIS: I’m heading out of the infirmary and I’m going to start wrapping around the building towards the side of the building that he was in. TALIESIN: I’m seeing how– is it possible to open the window? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: God, all these numbers I used to be good at, but I’m not good at anymore. Ten. MATT: Ten. Nothing easily does so. You can try and pry one of the panes out, but there’s a decent chance it might break in the process if you’re not careful. TALIESIN: That’s fine. MATT: You’re going to try? You take one of your blades and you wedge it up underneath where the metal bar is, it’s holding the pane in place to see if you can wedge it out. Go ahead and make a straight dexterity check. TALIESIN: Nope. One. MATT: It shatters and breaks on both sides of the window. You watch as the window shatters outward– TALIESIN: I’m going to jump out of it. MATT: The pane itself is about that big, so you’re going to take more of the window with you to do it. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s okay. MATT: All right! You shoulder-roll-leap through, shattering the window out of the infirmary, rolling into the alley. You see this happen as Molly is a chaotic spill of glass shards and purple skin. TRAVIS: Run! MATT: You guys bolt. At this point, as you head back, you’ve now seen the guards that have just run off to go after Nott hear the shatter and turn around to begin, some of them, to double back to where the sound of the glass breaking came from. TRAVIS: Can I point off in a different direction than Molly’s running, since I look like a hospital clerk nurse? MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: Carry me. I’m going to jump into your arms while you do that. LAURA: No, no, he’s pointing the other direction! MATT: It’s too late! TALIESIN: Wait, no, I’m trying to understand the scene here. I thought they were looking at him. MATT: They are. LAURA: They’re looking at him, but you were running away. TALIESIN: Well, if I’m already– because I didn’t know if I was just standing– MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: 15. MATT: 15. The guards approach and they both look antsy, but they see you pointing away, and they both head in the direction that you were heading them off towards, as Molly’s about to leap into your arms. TALIESIN: I was already– towards… MATT: You guys have managed to find yourselves back into the chaotic evening of the streets of Zadash. LIAM: I think I was imagining a small mom-and-pop place with two physicians, but like 50 people in white coats came out– MATT: It’s like six. LIAM: I think it was more like 72, Matt, let’s be honest. MARISHA: In the meantime, me and Jester are like: What’s taking them so long? LIAM: Oh, that only took five minutes to go that bad. MARISHA: He took an hour to cosplay his dick! MATT: Which is still there, by the way! TALIESIN: I know, I’m going to save that for later. TRAVIS: As we’re walking back, can I start looking over the papers, looking for some sort of signature that says Richter or Prucine or anything? MATT: Yeah. As you guys make your way back to the Leaky Tap to eventually meet up, going through the paperwork, unfortunately, none of them have anything that signifies the High-Richter. They all seem to be various quick notes on bones breaks and resets, on various illnesses that have come through and treatments that have been applied, keeping tabs on return visits. It’s all various notes of– SAM: Anything from his dad? MATT: Nothing from Lord Sutan, unfortunately. TRAVIS: Yeah, it was just on top of the desk. MATT: If you had possibly searched a little longer, you could have maybe found something, you think, but given the circumstances, it did not occur. TRAVIS: I don’t really have anything to hold him. Crown of Madness! MATT: So you didn’t find anything you wanted to, and you probably definitely fucked up a few people’s recovery routine. But that’s fine. You guys eventually find your way back to The Leaky Tap. Your monk and your cleric are waiting for you, and you watch as these four individuals walk in looking a bit haggard. TRAVIS: Great success. Went off without a hitch. MARISHA: Why are you covered in mayonnaise and egg? LAURA: Why do you smell like beer? MARISHA: And hot sauce? Is that hot sauce? TALIESIN: That is, in fact, hot sauce. I’m going to empty out my canteen into the fire. LAURA: Gross. TALIESIN: I was making a distraction. TRAVIS: We found Ren. We– SAM: He’s heavily guarded. There was no way to get close enough. LAURA: Did you go in and say “Can I speak to Ren?” and then somebody else go in his office while somebody was in the front asking to talk to Ren? TRAVIS: That’s actually exactly what happened, it just didn’t go as well as you thought it might go. LAURA: Oh, okay. TRAVIS: Great minds think alike, though, Jester. TALIESIN: Fools seldom differ. MARISHA: You guys look real defeated, over here. You look palpably defeated. SAM: We almost had to kill an orderly. MARISHA: What?! SAM: It’s very embarrassing. LIAM: That’s true, it came very close. TRAVIS: How’d it go for you two? LAURA: Oh, well, we cased out his house. We found a big tree that we can hop the fence with. Oh, and we bought this rope and this grapple so that we can climb. LIAM: So you looked at the house and then you went shopping? LAURA: Well, so that we can break into the house, yes. LIAM: Tight, that’s tight. TALIESIN: I jumped through a window. MARISHA: You what?! TALIESIN: Full glass, it was great. LAURA: Is that what all of these things are? TALIESIN: Well, some of those are sequins, but yes, essentially. MARISHA: All right. SAM: It was a good dry run for our real heist that we’re going to be doing in a day. So we’re working out the kinks… TRAVIS: Not promising. TALIESIN: It’s not about the plan, it’s about the desire to improvise. LAURA: I cast Cure Wounds on Molly. TALIESIN: Oh, yay. I had very little, so thank you for that. MARISHA: You know this could lead back to make it look suspicious if we go after Lord Sutan if his son was just broken into, right? SAM: Well, don’t worry about that because they definitely saw our real faces. LIAM: Not my face. SAM: Oh yes, you’re right. They only saw my real face, so maybe that’s okay. MARISHA: He’s going to know his medical notes are missing, right? TRAVIS: It’s an infirmary. They got to see terrible people in there all the time. LIAM: Yeah, agreed. In hospitals, you see all nature of people. MARISHA: All right, okay. LAURA: Yeah, nobody mentioned anything about needing handwriting, right? SAM: No, no. LIAM: No, there was not a lot of– LAURA: No talk of his father at all, right– LIAM: There was not a lot of talking, in fact. TALIESIN: It was probably just an attempt to steal medicinals. MARISHA: Sure, sure. All right. LAURA: Well, we have Ren’s handwriting. We could potentially put a note in somebody’s house with his stuff, but I don’t know if that’s what the plan is. MARISHA: Well, I mean, that works because as Dolan said, these fancy people tend to get other people to write their mail and do their paperwork for them, so… LIAM: Well, it could add credibility to the tapestry that we’re trying to weave here. The goal is still to get into Sutan elder’s home and get this seal. MARISHA: Yeah, that never changed. LIAM: Within the writings that we forge we could include some by the junior Sutan, so that would add some credibility to what we’re doing. TRAVIS: Might get us in past that outer wall, at least. LIAM: We still have to figure out what we are going to– if we are starting at Sutan’s house, then… We don’t have any writing of the High-Richter’s; we are either trying to focus on finding that somehow or, going on what you were discussing which is creating the appearance of an underling, or a for-hire of the High-Richter’s, or some kind of code saying that they are communicating with Sutan elder on behalf of the High-Richter, yeah? MARISHA: Nott, over here, knows a little bit of Thieves’ Cant. SAM: Do you need me to write something? MARISHA: It would look shifty. SAM: I could do that– MARISHA: I’m just saying, from my experience, normally if you’re trying to do a coup– LIAM: Experience as a what? MARISHA: As a rebellious teenage woman. In my experience, normally if you’re trying to do something bad, you’re not like “Dear diary, I did this bad thing. Signed, Beauregard.” You get what I’m putting down? TRAVIS: Yeah, it’d be obvious. MARISHA: Correct. We want to look– if it’s too obvious, it’s the opposite of convincing. TRAVIS: Sign it somebody else’s name. MARISHA: This guy goes by The Gentleman because he is smart. That’s all I’m saying. LIAM: We want to put information in Sutan’s house– elder– right? We could have some sort of writing that is not from the High-Richter, but that says “H-R would prefer the plans to go into motion–“ LAURA: “H-R wants a meeting with you.” MARISHA: “Spoke to The Myriad,” yeah… TALIESIN: “Finalized the plans.” LIAM: I propose that we make it seem like Sutan and the High-Richter were conspiring to have Orentha killed. So we have a note put into Sutan’s house that says: “On behalf–” from an intermediary, “On behalf of HR, wants the plan to go into motion immediately and that Orentha will be out for the festival tonight. LAURA: The Big O. We should say Big O. LIAM: The Big O. That is good. SAM: We are so much better than the other people at planning like this. (laughter) LIAM: Then we plant that in Sutan elder’s house when we successfully, quietly break in. LAURA: I’ll start writing that note right now. SAM: In block letters? Can’t be traced to anyone? That sort of thing? LIAM: Well, it’s an intermediary, so does not have to look– MARISHA: It doesn’t really matter. LAURA: I’ll make it look crisp and– SAM: Make it look like evil calligraphy. LAURA: Yeah, like evil handwriting. LIAM: This letter perhaps on its own is not enough, but with the seal, if we have a matching letter planted in HR’s home– LAURA: Yeah. Got your messages. I will move the meeting up and the Big O is going to die for sure. SAM: Ooh yeah! MARISHA: And a little bribery if we’re trying to go for something. LAURA: But where are we going to get this money you keep talking about? TALIESIN: We can just promise them money. LAURA: Here’s the thing, having seen people be bribed before: you need very large sums of money for bribing. Especially with rich people. They’re not going to need 500 gold to do this sort of thing, they want 5000 gold for this sort of thing. MARISHA: It depends. If you’re just handing money off to an assassin. If it’s a lowly level person, might not need much. Doesn’t need to be the whole amount. Just needs to be a payment, maybe. SAM: A check? LAURA: A check? An IOU. “On behalf of HR– “ LIAM: Keep your writing very plain. Not immensely charming– SAM: Traceable! LIAM: No, I mean not charming, like the way you speak. LAURA: So no hearts above the i’s then? LIAM: No. No. LAURA: I write, “On behalf of HR– “ LIAM: Yeah, that’s good. LAURA: What comes after that? MARISHA: The Big O thing. The plan against the Big O. LIAM: “HR would like the plan to be moved forward.” MARISHA: “It will commence– “ TRAVIS: “As discussed.” MARISHA: “Commence as discussed.” SAM: Sounds official. LAURA: “On behalf of HR, the plan– “ LIAM: “The plan is moving up to tomorrow night, at the festival.” LAURA: “The plan is moving up to tomorrow night, at the festival.” LIAM: “The moment has come, and it is time for us to seize it.” LAURA: That’s what I write. MATT: Okay. You work out the logistics of that letter– MARISHA: And it sounds super boss. LAURA: “Yours truly, forever and ever, your BFF– “ SAM: No, no! LAURA: No? SAM: Take out the part where you say, “Do you like me? If so, check this box.” (laughter) TALIESIN: I thought that tied the whole thing together. LAURA: Yeah, I thought it was good. TRAVIS: And no perfume on the letter. MARISHA: Aw, you beat me to it! No signing it with a kiss. LAURA: If I fold it up like a little triangle. Just a simple– TALIESIN: What kind of dog? SAM: What? MARISHA: What kind of dog? LAURA: Oh wait! Should I fold it or should I scroll it? SAM: Scroll it! Because we’re going to– MATT: The guard dog that was outside of the home? TALIESIN: There’s a guard dog. MATT: It was a mastiff. TALIESIN: It was a mastiff? Was it a well-kept dog or– was it a dog of pride or just a dog of–? MATT: From what you guys saw of the mastiff, it wasn’t a show dog by any means, but it wasn’t a street dog they’re just using for the moment. TRAVIS: Was it a talking mastiff? MATT: One way to find out! TALIESIN: Does it look like the sort of dog that you can actually be proud of or is it just a utility? MATT: It looks like it’s a utility dog. You’ve seen some dogs go around with members of the crownsguard before as part of the general– It’s more for an intimidation tactic. They’re rarely ever utilized, but the presence of a dog just make some people, especially those who work in darker categories, unsettled. TALIESIN: We have a cat. MARISHA: Can the cat become a mastiff? LAURA: Can the cat get the dog– LIAM: To chase it away. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Then someone would have to get the dog back. SAM: Just shoot the dog with an arrow and kill it. TALIESIN: I’m just talking about getting the dog– no! TRAVIS: Nott. TALIESIN: Somebody’s going to have to retrieve the dog if the dog goes running. MARISHA: Here’s the deal, Nott– LIAM: We don’t want a dead dog. MARISHA: Yeah. we need to leave no trace. The only way this gets pulled off is if– TALIESIN: This is the subtle one. MARISHA: Is if no one thinks anyone was there. Ever. SAM: Show the dog your dick. TALIESIN: I’m not showing anybody– there’s no more of that. What if the dog runs? The guard will have to get the dog back. LAURA: They’ll chase after the dog. LIAM: Yeah. Frumpkin can do that very well. LAURA: We can try that. If it doesn’t work, then we try to jump up and over. LIAM: Also, sausages are very inexpensive, so we have that as a Plan B. MARISHA: We also have good ol’ Fjord, who can always disguise himself as a guard. LAURA: And relieve him. MARISHA: Correct. LAURA: Say that somebody really wants him over at the party. LIAM: Are they private guards, though, or are they crownsguard? MARISHA and MATT: They were crownsguard. MATT: They were assigned. LIAM: Do you know what, Nott, if you want– one idea, if you want to help, is you can also write a note in your Thieves’ Cant. It should be vague on details, but a message from the Myriad. Or don’t even get that specific, but write, in Thieves’ Cant, a note saying that everything is in place for the festival. MARISHA: I think that’s a good idea. SAM: All right. Sure. I need a few papers. MARISHA: A few papers are always good. MATT: All right. As you guys work your way through preparing this letter, condensing your plots for the next evening, and eventually find yourself to a night’s rest in preparation for the next day’s events, we’re going to take a break! LIAM: No, but I think we should go back to the hospital one more time. MATT: (laughs) Fucking D&D. LAURA: Watching your face, Matt, as all that was happening. You were like, what are they doing? MATT: Those are my favorite moments of the game! I’m like, I don’t– okay, guys! This is happening! This is all your fault. TALIESIN: It was a great plan. MATT: So yes, before we go to break, our friends at Wyrmwood have their giveaway for the evening. You need to be in the Twitch chat room to participate. Right now, the offer’s only good for residents of the United States and Canada, excluding Quebec, because, apparently, Quebec. For the official rules, you can find the link in the chat tonight, but tonight it is the Flame Box Elder Deck Box, which is pretty awesome. Oh, and it came with a Magic pack with a guy going (screams) LIAM: Is he at the hospital? MARISHA: Why is there a Magic pack in there? MATT: It’s a deck box. The pack comes with it, too. So go ahead and enter into the chat room– the word for this break is “Heist”. H-E-I-S-T. Remember, only enter it once. If you enter it more than once, you will be disqualified, unfortunately. We’ll get to that, and we’ll have the winner in the break. In the meantime, we’ll see you back here in a few minutes. [break] MATT: Hello, and welcome back, everybody. We have a winner from the chat. Congratulations to PyroMalibu. PyroMalibu is the winner of the box. Denoba will get your information in the chat if he hasn’t already, and we’ll get that to you, so congratulations. So, as you guys all prepare for the evening’s rest, the next day– is there anything you needed to do before the next day happens? SAM: I would like to talk to Caleb. (clears throat) Oh, Caleb? Nott here. I have a favor to ask of you. I absconded with some items recently, and I wanted you to take a look at them with your keen eye. LIAM: Where did you get these items? SAM: It was not– I didn’t break in anywhere– I mean, we did, but it was cool because other people were with me. It’s when we went down into the basement to scout around for other entrances into the bottom of the Leaky Tap. LIAM: Under the Leaky Tap? And you found? SAM: I found a skeleton that had these bracelets on her? Him? They? LIAM: You found a skeleton? SAM: Yeah, I don’t know. I didn’t really have time to look at it. LIAM: You found a dead person? SAM: A very old dead person. Could be ancient. LIAM: Yeah, but it’s not really typical to keep a dead– like a skeleton in your basement. SAM: I didn’t think about that, but yes. TRAVIS: Nor in your closet. LIAM: Well, that’s a topic for the group. We’re staying in an inn where there was a dead person. SAM: I don’t think it’s haunted or anything. It just seemed like someone– it was stuffed way in the corner behind some boxes like someone wanted to– LIAM: Yeah, that’s worse. That’s not better, that’s worse. SAM: I didn’t– I mean– I’m really just interested in these. (laughter) LIAM: Okay, well, that’s somewhat unsettling, but show me these items that you have. SAM: These are just bracelets that I found. I was wondering if you could use your magic skills. LIAM: I place them down on the bed and go through the process of casting Identify on them. It takes about ten minutes. MATT: Okay. As you finish the focus, you glance down at them, extending your consciousness to see if there’s any residual magic energy. They’re not enchanted, but they are made of a very nice, solid platinum with a gold spiral lay on them, once you pull the dust off, so they’re probably worth a little bit of money. LIAM: You should sell these. These are not little and adorable like buttons. SAM: No, but they’re shiny and nice. LIAM: Do you want to wear them? SAM: Ooh. Maybe I could. LIAM: Well, you could. What– SAM: Are they big? LIAM: Are they huge for a goblin’s little wrists? MATT: For a goblin’s wrists, they’re pretty big. Looks like they’re more– they may have been made for a more masculine figure’s wrists probably, or a thick-armed lass. LIAM: Maybe your ankle or calf, you could put them on. Or sell them and then you could put them to use. SAM: All right. Okay. LIAM: I’m still a little disturbed that there’s a dead person under this inn that we’re in right now. SAM: I understand. Well, we can go back and I can show you, if you’d like, but it didn’t seem like– LIAM: Well, I take your word for it, that it’s there. I don’t need to go poking about. SAM: How do you do that? Where you look at something and you just see what it is? LIAM: Well, it is a spell that I learned when I was– SAM: It’s so cool! It’s very impressive. LIAM: You could potentially learn this as well. SAM: Really? LIAM: Of course! If you apply yourself– SAM: I don’t know. You know so many spells and so many things. You’re very strong. I’m continually impressed by you, I must say. How strong would you say you are? On a scale of one to 20? LIAM: How do you mean– I’m not very strong, Nott. I do have things that I want to do with my life, and I mean to apply myself and study, and find knowledge. SAM: Is that the way you’ll get even stronger? Through study and books? LIAM: Ja. That is the best way to do that. For anyone. SAM: Would magical items help further your abilities or blessings? LIAM: That seems like an abstract question. There are certainly very useful things that can be found in this world. You never know. SAM: All right. LIAM: Are you okay? SAM: Oh, I’m fine, I’m just fascinated by all things wizard and I want you to succeed, that’s all. I have great faith in you, I know you’ll do great things, and I just want to help you get there. LIAM: Well, thank you, friend. SAM: Sure. Yes. Anything, anything to help the cause. LIAM: Well, maybe we go to bed and tomorrow we don’t tear the roof down off of every building we go into again, yeah? SAM: Okay. Sounds good. LIAM: So I take out my silver thread and I start casting the Alarm spell on our room before bed, and then I go to bed. MATT: All righty. Anybody else have anything to do before the evening’s rest, or are you happy to continue the next day? TRAVIS: Next day for me. LAURA: (shouting) Pillow fight! MARISHA: Beau gets a little too aggressive with the pillow fight. LAURA: Ow, okay. We’re done. MARISHA: Sorry, sorry. LIAM: Mess with the bull, get the horns. MATT: All right, so, as the evening comes to a close, the next morning greets you on a somewhat chilled, misty morning, the sky gray, but the light is out. You can see a faint mist is burning off of the streets in the early morning, like six or seven-ish. You all gather yourselves. Is there anything you wish to accomplish during the day, or do you wish to jump ahead to the meeting of the afternoon, the evening? MARISHA: Should we get some awesome all-black clothes? LAURA: Maybe we should so that we stealth better. MARISHA: Yeah, something a little bit more stealthy. LAURA: We can put it in the pink bag. MARISHA: Oh, I like that. TALIESIN: I was thinking some carnival masks, from the other direction. TRAVIS: Yeah, all black looks like you’re up to no good. LIAM: Yeah, and if you are actually in the dark, you can’t tell the difference, and if you’re in the light you look like a ninja, so I think we’re good, maybe. MARISHA: I see what you’re saying. Yeah. TALIESIN: Everyone’s going to be pretty fancy-dressed. LAURA: The carnival is going on today? MATT: Yeah, the festival is happening this evening. MARISHA: Do we know anything about this festival, like, culturally? Do they wear masks? MATT: I mean, the harvest is celebrated at different points, and in a few weeks is the official Harvest End festival. This is done in advance, it’s more of a private event that is for the more elite. Some folks come in from out of town, from local smaller townships that are pretty well off and trying to rub elbows with the local elite. It’s a festival that contains food, music, drink. You’ve never been to one, of course, and you’ve heard of it from the time you spent in Zadash. You’ve never seen it, but you’ve seen folks take care through the street towards the event, and it seems to be fairly like a more subdued Mardi Gras colors, but the colors are more reds and browns and golds. They have masks they’ll wear for it, but they aren’t full face, just habitual eye masks. Only some will, some folks don’t get fully into the spirit. MARISHA: I think we should go shopping. TALIESIN: Masks on sticks. MARISHA: Masks on sticks. LAURA: Well, we’re not actually going to the fancy gala, so we probably don’t need the fancy stuff, because it’s just for the rich people. MARISHA: But will it get us through the gate? LAURA: Well, I figure for all of us to get in, we should go through the sewers, probably. TALIESIN: If someone stops you, if you have a mask, they know why you’re there. LIAM: Yeah, in a pinch. LAURA: Sure. LIAM: A lot is riding on Sutan and the High-Richter going to this festival. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: That’s it, that’s all. (laughter) TALIESIN: I was really expecting more there. LIAM: No, it’s just pessimism. LAURA: Let’s go buy some masks, then. MARISHA: Are you afraid they’re not party people? LIAM: Well, I worry that if we break into Sutan’s house and stuff a bunch of letters there, but the High-Richter stays in with a tummy ache, then it all falls apart. MARISHA: Well, then we go from there. LAURA: There’s no point in worrying about things you can’t change yet, Caleb. MARISHA: She’s got a point. TALIESIN: Be the chaos you want to see in the world. TRAVIS: Yeah, no point in worrying, it only makes it hurt twice. LIAM: Yeah, lead the way, I’ll be the caboose. MATT: All right. Who’s helming the expedition to acquire costume pieces? TRAVIS: Molly. MATT: Molly, go ahead and make an investigation check. (laughter) MATT: I’ll say, because of your dress, I’ll give you advantage on this. TALIESIN: Thank you. MARISHA: Show us where Melrose is. TALIESIN: Looking for Melrose. 11. MATT: 11. It takes you the better part of the morning. About noon, you manage to find a place that will sell similar outfits. Since a lot of them are either custom-made for the individuals that are going, it’s hard to find a place. There is no shop that sells fancy clothes to the random folks who aren’t going to the event, but you manage to find a few individuals that can cobble together a few masks and basic attire. Because it’s a quick build, it’s going to be a little pricier than normal cost, so the commission will take the better part of the afternoon, and will be ready by sundown for enough outfits for six of you. Or accoutrements. TALIESIN: I was about to say, I don’t need much. MATT: You’ll be fine, it’s just a mask. I’d say between all of you, for the time, the materials, and the construction of it, it’ll run you about three gold pieces. TALIESIN: I’ll pay that. TRAVIS: You’ll pay for all of it? TALIESIN: Yeah. I will get reimbursed at the end. LIAM: I’ll pick up some sausages. MATT: Okay. How many sausages do you want? LIAM: Oh, just the one string of them. Four or five. SAM: Maybe two strings. LIAM: Two strings in case. (laughter) MATT: In case you get hungry? Fair enough. Okay. That’s going to put you back a silver. LAURA: Oh, and I’m going to write another letter that says something about the Knights of Requital. That says, like– what should it be? "I’m glad to be working with you! You sure are nice!” TRAVIS: What about a sign-off, like, “The Knights of Requital are rising.” SAM: What if you take a letter and just sign it “Knights of Requital” and rip off the rest, so who knows what it was, it’s just from them. LAURA: Yeah. I’ll end it with, “the big red door. The Knights of Requital.” Then rip it, and then it is just the bottom part and leave it in the High-Richter’s house. MARISHA: Leave it in the trash. That’s not bad, that’s not bad. LAURA: Oh, can somebody burn the edge like the rest was in the fire or something? Oh, and then we can put it in the fireplace like the rest of the letter was burned! MARISHA: Man, that is the oldest trick in the book. Sure. LAURA: Caleb, burn just these edges here. LIAM: Okay, put it down on the ground. LAURA: But just the edges, don’t set the whole thing on fire, because I spent a really long time writing that little bit. LIAM: Ah, well, then use a hearth fire or something, because I will probably put that into flames. Also, alternatively, would we want maybe something instead that said that “the Knights are ready for this evening’s pursuits, and they’re to support any endeavors as needed, great High-Richter. It is time for change.” LAURA: I write all of that, okay, fine. MARISHA: Don’t write “the Knights”, though, just write the little symbol. LAURA: Yeah. Then I’ll put the symbol. But I’m also going to keep this one to put in the fireplace, because I think it will be really cool. LIAM: Yes, the two together, but I worry that just the one piece, she could have written it down on a list of things she does not like, it’s not very conclusive. But the two together. SAM: She doesn’t like red doors, she doesn’t like the Knights of Requital. LAURA: Now we have those letters. I’m going to keep track, I’m putting them in the side pouch, those are the side pouch ones. LIAM: Have you written your letter in your thieves’ thingy that you do? SAM: Yes. I did. My handwriting is not as good. LAURA: Is that going in Lord Sutan’s place or the High-Richter’s place? LIAM: That’s in Sutan’s place. LAURA: So I’m putting that in the other pouch. LIAM: Good, we want to tie Sutan to the Myriad, and High-Richter to the Knights, and High-Richter and Sutan together. That’s the plan. MARISHA: To fight Orentha, to kill her. LIAM: Yes, to take that seat. To enact the change that the people need. LAURA: We are definitely– this is going to be real good. MARISHA: I feel so political, you guys. I feel like I’m participating in our politics, in a way. SAM: It feels nice to participate in a democracy like this. MARISHA: It does, it feels like I’m making a difference. SAM: One monk, one vote. (laughter) MARISHA: Feels like it matters. LIAM: Did we get paid in advance, by the way? LAURA: What are we being paid for this? MARISHA: Yeah, we didn’t get paid in advance. I hope that doesn’t come back to bite us. LIAM: Did we get half of it, even? TALIESIN: It’s for the best, because now there’s no paper trail, just in case they are trying to– LAURA: Is Ulog around? I’m going to look for Ulog. MATT: Ulog is meeting you guys, you want to try and search for him? LAURA: I want to look and see if he’s around us, though. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: I can’t see shit. MATT: You have no idea where Ulog is, or if he’s in the vicinity, unfortunately. All right, so. LIAM: We should also– you’re invisible. We should also discuss who’s going in, who’s outside, how we are tackling each house. LAURA: I should definitely go into Lord Sutan’s place, because I have this really fun spell that lets me find things. So I could find the seal. LIAM: How does it work? LAURA: I go, “I want to find this wax seal,” and it will help me find the one that’s closest. LIAM: Then you’re right, you should go in. Nott, you should go in, because you’re going to pick locks, ja? SAM: Yes. LIAM: If anything is locked. I strongly believe that I should go in as well, because these are two very wealthy, powerful people, and there could be magical– LAURA: You’re going to steal some stuff? LIAM: Only if that is, you know, easy to do. MARISHA: Once again, we should leave no trace that we were there. SAM: Don’t worry about that. I’ll eat everything we leave behind. TALIESIN: Now I’m really worried about it, actually. TRAVIS: I’ll be out front, I can be a crownsguard if I need to. TALIESIN: And I can be in the back and be drunk and lookout. SAM: Which is our first house that we’re attacking? TRAVIS: Lord Sutan. SAM: And we know that there’s a guard and a dog out there. MARISHA: Correct, so first– SAM: So you guys need to distract the guard. MARISHA: With the cat. We’ve got the cat plan. SAM: And the sausage. LIAM: And the sausage, just in case. LAURA: Sausage for the guard, cat for the dog. LIAM: Regardless, even if this goes belly-up, we just disappear. You know, we have no ties to this, we walk away, yeah? We just get out with our skins, even if things go as badly as they did at the hospital, and then we go, we just walk away. MARISHA: Yeah, the last thing we want is for the crownsguard to think that this was all us. LAURA: Where are we meeting Ulog? MARISHA: In front of the– MARISHA and TRAVIS: Song and Supper Inn. LIAM: Oh also, Frumpkin is up here in my sort of scarf position, and I bring him down in my lap, and I take the sausages out, and I sort of like knead one of the sausages in my hand a bit, and I say, you know, I’m sorry, but the next time that you go off to your pocket place and come back, this will be gone. And I start squishing sausage grease into his hair, and rubbing it down his back so that he smells like sausage. TALIESIN: That’s a very good plan. LIAM: I love you very much, so thank you for this, okay? ALL: (angry cat noises) LAURA: Do you want to eat him even more now? LIAM: Some other time, perhaps. SAM: I’ll drink instead. MATT: You gather the outfits that were commissioned for you. You have your materials. As the day grows later, eventually the sun begins to crest over the western mountain range. The sky, though cloudy still, the colors begin to shift to the oranges and purples of dusk. You begin to see carriages come through the streets and make their way towards the Tri-Spire district. LAURA: Oh, I wonder if we can hide under the carriages and just ride in. MARISHA: I was going to say, can we hop a ride? MATT: One of the carriages just passed you, and it’s about a block up the way if you want to try and catch up. MARISHA: No, that brings a lot of attention, chasing after a carriage. LAURA: It’s all about trying to get into the sewer system. SAM: Can’t we just go to the sewers? LAURA: Let’s just go to the sewers. MATT: All right. As you guys head back towards the entryway to the sewers, where you had previously been, with your various outfits and attire, you can see now, there’s not two crownsguards, there’s a single crownsguard at the moment. You approach and you see they’re not directly against the grate, they’re across the street. It doesn’t appear to be watched at the moment. SAM: The gate? MATT: The entranceway into the sewers. LAURA: Maybe I can go talk to the guard. Distract him? SAM: It seems like they’re not looking right now. LAURA: Oh, he’s not even looking at the gate? SAM: No, they’re not looking, we can just go. MATT: Well, he’s not looking at the entranceway to the sewer. MARISHA: That doesn’t mean that won’t change in 30 seconds. LAURA: It’s dark outside, too? MATT: Yes, but there are lanterns and stuff up on the side of the street. MARISHA: Do you want to distract him and we’ll meet you on the other side? LAURA: Oh, sure! I’ll go meet you at the sewer entrance on the other side. MARISHA: Okay. Nott or Caleb can send you a message. LAURA: Okay. I walk up to the guard. MATT: Okay. “Evening.” LAURA: Evening, how are you doing today? MATT: “I am well, how are you?” LAURA: Pretty good. I was wondering if you could answer a question for me. MATT: Everybody else, roll a stealth check, please. LAURA: I was looking around this area earlier for a candy shop and I couldn’t find anything that seemed good. I was wondering if you could point me in the best direction. MATT: “Try the Pentamarket, probably.” LAURA: The Pentamarket, um, okay. Can you tell me exactly where that is? Because I’m not familiar with the area. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LAURA: Oh no. Oh, that’s okay. 19! MATT: “All right, so down this way–” and he starts giving you the full play-by-play of the street corners to the Pentamarket where a candy shop is that you had missed earlier. So now you know there’s a candy shop in Zadash. LAURA: Yay! MATT: As it’s happening. What did you roll? TRAVIS: 12. MARISHA: 15. LIAM: Eight. SAM: Natural one. LAURA: Oh, come on. TALIESIN: 19. MATT: Hold on, so a natural one, eight, 19, 15. Okay, natural one’s tricky. SAM: Plus eight. MATT: Still a natural one. But, yeah, that brings it to nine. As you guys begin to quickly slide in, one after the other, Nott, as you’re rushing down, you’re glancing off, because you hear them talk about candy for a second over the side. SAM: Ooh! MATT: As you rush down the side, whack! You hit your head and give out a natural instinct, a pained squeak. As you do, the guard who’s talking to Jester goes, “Wha–” LAURA: (fake coughs loudly) Can you help me? I think I’m choking. MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: Oh no. Seven. MATT: Seven. LAURA: (fake coughs loudly) MATT: “Hold. Just a second.” LAURA: Oh no, I can’t breathe at all, though. MATT: He begins walking over to the sewer edge. He steps over and begins to glance down– LAURA: I fall over on the ground and really like (choking sounds). MATT: He’s looking back at you like– LAURA: (choking sounds) LIAM: I send Frumpkin screeching away from us, up the street, clattering into anything. MATT: From where? Out of the sewer, you mean? LIAM: Yeah, out of the sewer, yeah. I pop him back up. MATT: As soon as Frumpkin– He kicks and– (gasps) MATT: Misses. (laughter) SAM: It’s the same guy, it’s the same guy! LIAM: Caleb appears at the sewer like Pennywise the Clown. MARISHA: Why is that their natural response in this town? MATT: Well, he got scared by the cat! The first guy was a dick, this guy was (yells), like kicking wildly. Anyway. He falls back and Frumpkin runs off. He’s like (grunts). It seems to be enough to take him off the scent of Nott, and he turns around. “Miss?” He walks up and helps you up. LAURA: Oh, it was my spit. I was choking on my own spit. MATT: Right, all right. Well, go get your candy. Have a good night. LAURA: Thank you very much for all of your help. MATT: (sighs) He goes back to his post. You guys make your way through the sewer, back up through the T-intersection– TRAVIS: Mindful of the damn rats. MARISHA: Rat-balloons. LIAM: I held back two minutes to let Frumpkin quietly come back. MATT: All right. Fair enough. Frumpkin does slowly make his way back to join you. You make your way towards the gate and, without issue, are entered into the Tri-Spire. You make your way towards the side of the alleyway where the– LAURA: Oh, we didn’t meet the guy at the Song and Supper. MATT: You did not. MARISHA: Oh fuck! SAM: What guy? MARISHA: Shit! We were supposed to go fucking meet Ulog! Damn it! TALIESIN: We’re so good at this. MATT: Jester, do you want to go do that? LAURA: Yeah, I just remembered it. I’m going to the Song and Supper Inn. TALIESIN: We’re going to sit in the sewer like so much clown. MARISHA: We recapped this at the break, too! Damn it! MATT: You guys are sitting there, waiting for Jester to show up and meet you to let you out. SAM: I cast Message a few times. We’re here. Where are you? TRAVIS: Where letter-R letter-U? MATT: You, however, you make your way to the Song and Supper, and on the inside, you can see, nervously at a table, in a dark cloak, Ulog. “What the–?” Gets up and meets you outside, shoves you back out there and you both begin to walk side-by-side. “I was waiting here long enough!” LAURA: We were waiting for you! It’s so weird that we totally missed you, though. MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: Well, well, well, 11. MATT: He goes, “Right. Well, where’s the rest of your team?” LAURA: They are– Here’s the thing. How rich do you look? How rich does he look? MATT: He looks down and he has fairly plain dark clothing for night-stealthing. He has like a single– looks like a gold chain of some kind with a single yellowish amber-orange bead on it that looks like it’s worth a gold or two. Dark green-brown cloak. It’s hard to see the color, this late at night. He doesn’t look super rich. LAURA: Can I put some of my costume on him? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: I’ll put some of my festive wear on him. MATT: You put some of the festive wear on him. It’s all not at all fitted for him and it looks like a kid who has outgrown his snow-outfit and he’s like– “This is humiliating.” LAURA: It’ll get you in the door, don’t worry. Here, put this mask on. MATT: He’s seething beneath it. You can see him grinding his teeth, but he follows you nevertheless. TALIESIN: Candy-themed, too. LAURA: Oh, that’s great! MATT: You make your way to the gate once more. The guards there– One of them walks up and, the same one from earlier, gives you a nod. “Hold.” LAURA: Guest of honor for the night. He’s a comedian. MATT: Make another deception check. LAURA: Come on! It is being so mean! Seven. God damn it. MATT: He goes, “A comedian. Tell me a joke.” MARISHA: Oh, come on, Ulog! MATT: Ulog looks at you with the mask, back at the guard. “Um–” MARISHA: It’s open mic night! You got this! (laughter) MATT: He goes, “What do you call the king on his birthday?” The crownsguard goes, “I don’t know. What do you call a king on his birthday?” “An arsehole.” The guard goes– LAURA: Here’s the thing. He’s not a joke-telling kind of comedian. He’s more of a farce kind of comedian. Physical comedy. It’s more like a jester, if you will. And I push him and– so he falls down. See? MATT: (impact noise) At which point the two guards go: (laugh) LAURA: He’s so good. He really sells it. MATT: Ulog like gets off the ground and glares at you this very furious fiery stare and then gets up and then stumbles again and falls on the ground, flat again. The guard goes, “(laughs) All right, get in.” Ulog now has like a bloody nose and as you ushers him in, he looks back. “Oh, we’re going to talk later.” LAURA: But I got you in the door, right? MATT: You eventually make your way over to the edge of the alley, coming up to the hatch that leads you out of the sewer. There you guys see the two approaching shapes of Jester and Ulog. Ulog looking festive, if the wear is a bit tiny, making his hair and beard poof out of the sides of the mask. MARISHA: (pigeon coos) SAM: Where have you been? LAURA: I got Ulog. MARISHA: Oh shit! We almost forgot about Ulog! LAURA: I know! MARISHA: Oh shit! SAM: What’s Ulog’s job in this? LAURA: I have no freaking clue! Hey Ulog, what do you want to do? MATT: “Well, first off, I’m pretty keen at infiltration. I have a long past of doing sort of the breaking and entering thing. Plus, I want to be there when this happens. Have a personal stake.“ TRAVIS: Yeah, he should be a part of the team that goes in. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: How well do you know Lord Sutan’s place and the area? MATT: “I know the area alright.” MARISHA: All right. LAURA: We cased it earlier. MATT: “Do you think you know where he lives?” LAURA: Yes. MATT: “All right. That’s all we need. The rest we can all do. Lead on.” LIAM: Can I insight check him? Just get a feel for that. MATT: Yeah, go for it. LIAM: That is 17. MATT: 17. SAM: Whispers! Whispers! TALIESIN: Mysterious whispers! SAM: D&D Beyond! TRAVIS: And Far Cry 5! MARISHA: Yeah! SAM: Far Cry 5! It’s five better than Far Cry 0. TRAVIS: Or four better than the original. MARISHA: The fiviest. SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: Takes place in America. SAM: Montana. LIAM: Guys, it’s Larkin. MATT: Well there goes the campaign. As you guys make your way through the city streets, you can see the closer you get to the Silken Terrace, for one, the usual silk banners that adorn the various edges of the streets have been changed from the usual white silk banners to bright yellows, bright browns, bright reds. The colors of autumn are now starting to show and appear throughout the vicinity. MARISHA: I hate the color yellow. TRAVIS: Really? Why? MARISHA: I just hate it. LAURA: It would look really pretty on you. TALIESIN: I don’t think that’s true. SAM: No, I don’t think so. LAURA: I think yellow would look good on you. TALIESIN: The blue works. Stick with it, you know. SAM: More of a spring… MATT: You also hear the music begin to swell at the various performing bands towards the center where this gala is. You can see all the banners leaning in the center space. The sunset colors have vanished and now the night sky holds above. The Crownsguard are clustered in greater numbers in the Tri-Spire, specifically to keep a perimeter around the event. As you glance off to the entrance gate where you were, you can see there’s now stationed more towards that space, since you originally passed through. More musicians are arriving, some locally, some appear to be from other areas within the actual Empire. The social elite are gathering in the center of the Silken Terrace and you can now see the small carriages are stopping and letting other individuals out to join the crowds, the mingling beginning. You can already see about 60 or 70 people, with more still arriving. They all have their various colors and masks on. They’re all grabbing drinks and laughing and seeing old friends and introducing themselves to new people they haven’t met before. Some of them live in the Tri-Spire, some that live throughout and beyond. MARISHA: Any of them look familiar? MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil! Meh, you kind of fucked me there. LIAM: May I also do the same thing? MARISHA: Ten. MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: No, no good. Eight. MATT: Unfortunately, you’re too far away and the masks obscure any of sort of details. You’re unable to see anyone you recognize, per se. But you do see that there are long tables that mark the perimeter that are already holding already preset glasses of wine and ciders. You can see the central tower of the Triumph Chime sits glowing right at the front and center of this gala. It’s all surrounding the base of it. And up in a spiral you can see lanterns and similar colors of autumn that spiral up the front of it. You guys begin to, carefully, and out of sight, make your way towards the estate of Lord Sutan. Please make stealth checks, everybody. LIAM: This is a lot of people. LAURA: Oh wait. Who sucks? MARISHA: Fuck! LIAM: I rolled well. LAURA: Who hasn’t rolled yet? Taliesin I give you a blessing. TALIESIN: All right. Advantage. That’s awesome. TRAVIS: 14. MARISHA: Why does it feel like you roll crappier when you’re lower level? 13. LIAM: 17. SAM: 13. LAURA: 20. TALIESIN: 19. TRAVIS: Uh! MATT: Pretty good spread. You guys duck in between, avoiding being seen and blend in with the crowd as you pass other individuals that are making their way to the actual Gala event. There are nods and smiles, occasional laugh, as folks are conversing and chatting as they pass. You make your way over to the outskirts of the Gilded Willows, beyond the Skyscape Park and where the Constellation Bridge tower stands, to see, for many of you the first time, the three-story dark wood home of Lord Sutan. The marble pillars mark the cornerstones of where the metallic iron fence gate matches the perimeter. There’s a singular tree and still there are two guards posted at one and the same guard with the dog at the other. MARISHA: Same guard. SAM: Must be getting tired. LIAM: I’m sorry. Can you set the scene? Two guards at one end and one at the other? MATT: Well it’s been a day later. MARISHA: Are we catching them around the same time? This is his shift. Same watch. MATT: Seems to be. MARISHA: All right. LIAM: And it’s like corner-corner or front and back or…? MATT: If look at the– if the building’s a square. The house is mainly built as a rectangle, there’s the front door and the back where the cellar door is and there’s the perimeter fence. LIAM: Okay. MATT: In the front, there are two guards. In the back, where the gate and the cellar door is, there’s a singular guard and his dog. The tree is up on this side. LAURA: But there’s still a gate– MARISHA: All the way around. With the spikes. LIAM: The guard with the dog is within this perimeter of fence? MATT: It’s just on the interior of it. Just within the gate. MARISHA: And the gate is closed. MATT: Correct. LAURA: How wide are the openings in the gate? Does it look like the mastiff could get through the openings in the wrought-iron fence? MATT: Probably not, no. MARISHA: But he can still be enough of a distraction to get the guard to chase the dog while we get in if we can get the dog– LIAM: To the front side of the home. MARISHA: Maybe to the front side. LIAM: Maybe temporary though. SAM: We can get in through the gate and then we get to the tree or we’re going to go straight into the cellar? MARISHA: That’s what I was thinking. Go into the cellar. LAURA: We could use the tree to get over the fence and then run to the cellar. MARISHA: As soon as the dog chases away the cat. LIAM: Yeah, but what about our exit? Because we have to come back out. MARISHA: Well– SAM: We worry about that later? LIAM: No, no, we worry about that now. MARISHA: Maybe that’s when Fjord can come and relieve the guards? TRAVIS: I can do that now. MARISHA: Or he can do that now. But how do we get Fjord on the other side of the gate? LAURA: He walks up to him and say– SAM: That’s very risky now because what if the guards says “I don’t know you,” you know? Then the plan never starts. If we do that at the end, at least we have a fighting chance. TRAVIS: That’s true. I could wait. LIAM: I don’t like being stuck in there though. LAURA: Ulog? What do you think? You’re really good at this. MATT: “Who’s staying outside?” TRAVIS: I am. TALIESIN: I am. MATT: The two of you. All right. MARISHA: What were those guards’ names? There were so many guards. TALIESIN: What were those guards’ names? LAURA: That was at the High-Richter’s house. That wasn’t here. TRAVIS: Yeah that was at the High-Richter’s. MARISHA: Yeah, but as long as you do a guard that’s semi-recognizable. MATT: “If we can manage, if what you’re saying about this tree, we can possibly scoot past their visual range and not have to worry about it. And just use that as a backup.” LAURA: Right. MATT: “But we got to climb the tree.” LAURA: We can climb a tree. We’re good at that. TRAVIS: The tree means worst case scenario. LAURA: And I got this grapple, so we can swing across to the roof on the other side. MATT: “All right. Those that are staying at the base. The rest of us, let’s get to climbing.” TALIESIN: If we hear the dog bark, we can walk by. LIAM: Also, I have another question. How far from the fence to the home? MATT: It’s about five feet. LIAM: Five feet only. MARISHA: Yeah, but spikes. LIAM: I’m rethinking. If Frumpkin gets away from this dog in the beginning, he can run outside the fence and he will not be far from me. I can stay in touch with him, so when it’s time to leave I can have Frumpkin reenter the yard and create mayhem a second time. LAURA: Or let him create it the first time, because we might not need it. LIAM: We might not, but if we have no other option and we’re trying to get out and there’s guards in both places, Frumpkin can come in and create mayhem again. Anyway, just an option. SAM: Okay. MATT: "We get to the top, you use your little cat thing to distract it. Preferably the other side of the fence.” LIAM: He’s just a cat. MATT: “Right. Your cat. On the other side of the fence. While they’re faced and focused in that direction, we make our ascent.” LAURA: We swing it over. Somebody needs to make a loud noise when we throw the grapple over. SAM: You can cough or something. LAURA: So that it doesn’t make a clang sound that they hear. MATT: “That might be on one of you.” LIAM: A natural sound. MATT: “All right.” SAM: I will signal you when we are grapple throwing. MARISHA: All right. TALIESIN: If you also hear me make the same sound again, that means trouble. LAURA: I could maybe use, like, Thaumaturgy to create a thunder sound. SAM: Ooh, that’s good. LAURA: If it happens at the same time. MATT: “Actually not a bad idea.” LAURA: Okay, I’ll do that. LIAM: How’s the weather; is it clear or grey? LAURA: Sometimes thunder happens out of nowhere. MATT: It’s cloudy.The sky itself is cloudy, and has been. Even though the storm blew by, it’s still pretty heavy cloud cover. LAURA: Oh, good. MARISHA: All right. Up the tree! TALIESIN: If you hear me make noise– MATT: Those who are climbing the tree, athletics checks please. MARISHA: I’ll go first, so I can try and help anyone else as I go up. Can I do that? MATT: Yeah, you can do that. So Beau goes first. MARISHA: Athletics or acrobatics? MATT: For climbing, we’ll say athletics. MARISHA: (whimpers) MATT: It doesn’t have a lot of branches. MARISHA: But parkour. LAURA: Do we get advantage because Beau’s helping us? MARISHA: That’s not great– LIAM: Well, she’s got to get up there first. MARISHA: I got to get up there. LIAM: She didn’t roll that good. MARISHA: Eight. MATT: Eight? Well, you’re not helping anybody. (chuckles) You get partway up, and Ulog is actually, like (grunting). He’s doing fine. So he pushes you up the rest of the way. MARISHA: Give me a boost! LAURA: Shh! MARISHA: (whispers) Sorry! SAM: I rolled an 18. MATT: You climb up fine, skittering up past them. You actually climb over Beau and Ulog to get to the top first. SAM: Watch my nails. LAURA: I rolled 11. MATT: 11? That’s fine. You manage to get up there. And Caleb? LIAM: 17. SAM: Ooh. MATT: You guys all get up there. Beau is the last to arrive. MARISHA: (pants) SAM: I thought you were a monk of some sort. MARISHA: I’m sprinter. I’m not an endurance person. Okay? MATT: It’s one if those things, too, where she starts first, but each person keeps putting their feet in her face on the way up. SAM: You’re all legs and no arms. MATT: Okay, you guys get up to the top of the tree. You’re up in the branches, in the bow, at the top. You can see now, it’s a beautiful view of the gala in the distance. You can see the three towers, all arcing up, all lit from underneath from the lanterns and the light that have been significantly brightened for the events of the evening. You have a clear shot of the rooftop, which is at a slight decline from this current position. It’s about ten feet from you, and about three feet down below. You can see there are two smokestacks that look like they’re attached to fire places that might be good indicators of places to connect the rope. Who’s throwing the rope? LAURA: Should I try it? MARISHA: You’re strongest. SAM: What is this? Why do–? LAURA: It’s a grapple. Connected to a rope. SAM: All right. LAURA: So I hand the other side of the rope to Ulog so it doesn’t fall. MATT: He takes it. He’s like, “All right. You got to be pretty good at aiming this.” SAM: Yeah, are you? MATT: “It’s about 15, 20 feet from here.” LAURA: Well, I’m strong. MATT: “But can you aim it?” LAURA: Yeah, but you’re weak, aren’t you? SAM: I don’t know. I feel like I’m more precise than you. But, no, you’re strong. You go for it. LAURA: No, but you’re precise. SAM: I don’t– LIAM: Frumpkin is pacing back and forth just outside the fence. SAM: Parchment, boulder, shears? LAURA: Yeah. On three? SAM: Yes, on three. One. Two. Three! Okay, you’re throwing it. LAURA: Okay, I’ll throw it. MATT: So go ahead and roll a d20 and add your strength modifier. SAM: Ooh, strength. LAURA: Oh, that was good, okay. 11. No! 12. MATT: You throw it. Tink, tink. LAURA: Thunder, thunder! When I did it. MATT: Okay. There’s this roll of thunder off in the distance. It didn’t catch anything, though, and it’s scraping. Pulling back a little bit– LAURA: More thunder. Another thunder. SAM: It’s not staying on? MATT: It didn’t manage to. It got over to the roof, but it didn’t catch anything. MARISHA: Oh, god. SAM: Reel it back in. Reel it back in! MARISHA: Don’t let it get caught. LAURA: I do another thunder sound right when I pull it, so it doesn’t make noise. MATT: Okay. So you pull it and it scrapes, falls, and then dangles down. You manage to pull it up a little bit, dangle it up, yeah. SAM: Give me that. Give me that! LAURA: Here! It is a strength thing, though. SAM: (squeaks) MATT: Are you just throwing it? SAM: Yes. Natural one. (laughter) MATT: All right. So. SAM: We’ve lost our grapple. LAURA: No. No, Ulog was holding onto the end of it. MATT: He was holding the other side of it. The grapple arcs up really high, and arcs past. There’s a brief moment where you see it go up, and then pass by you, heading down towards the wall. Is anyone going to do anything? LAURA: I catch– I try to catch the rope to try to keep it from hitting the ground. MATT: You could try. SAM: Oh boy. Try! LAURA: I’ll try. MARISHA: I don’t know what to do! LAURA: I did; I tried! MATT: Go ahead and roll. MARISHA: Is it flying out of our grasp; is that what’s happening? MATT: It looks like it’s just out of the grasp. She’s going to try, so go ahead and roll a d20. MARISHA: She’s going to try and catch it. LAURA: I rolled a 19. I don’t know what I’m adding. MATT: Yeah. That’s fine. So you manage to just catch it, holding onto the edge of the rope, before it clanks onto the ground. It’s just dangling now. TRAVIS: Oh my god. MATT: You pull it slowly back up. MARISHA: Wait. SAM: You said strength. I threw it as hard as I could throw it. MARISHA: Quiet, shut up! SAM: Thunder! MARISHA: (whispers) Okay, maybe if I get over, I could hold the other end and help people. LAURA: You can jump ten feet? MARISHA: I think I can. LAURA: Oh, dear lord. What if you fall on the ground, Beau? TRAVIS: Let this happen. Let this happen. MARISHA: Look, we’re basically gods, okay? (laughter) MARISHA: I can make this jump. MATT: You going to try? MARISHA: I’m going to cast step of the wind– Sorry, not cast it. I’m going to use a ki point. I’m going to take a breath, gather my chi. Along the edge of the branch anime run– MATT: Okay. And leap. Make an athletics check. I’ll give you advantage because of the step of the wind. MARISHA: Step of the wind gives me, like, double jump distance, or triple jump–dump jist– SAM: Triple dump! TRAVIS: Triple dungeness crabs. TALIESIN: Oh, we had ring of truth cast. You can’t lie. SAM: Taliesin did a triple dump earlier. TALIESIN: I did. Solid. MARISHA: Hang on. MATT: Your jump distance is doubled! Yeah, you’re fine. MARISHA: (victorious laughter) MATT: You’re fine. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: Just roll for the hell of it. I just want to see what happens. LAURA: Just so it’s not a one. No ones! SAM: It won’t be a one. MARISHA: I don’t trust Gil right now. I’m not going to trust Gil. I’m going to go with cobalt die. Natural 18. MATT: You, off the branch, leap. No sound. MARISHA: I go along the rope, and tighten the rope as I land. LAURA: The rope’s not– Oh, were you holding onto the grapple? TALIESIN: She’s got the other end. MARISHA: I was, like, tracing the rope. MATT: You grab it, affix it easily to one of the smokestacks you find up there. LIAM: She is really cool. MATT: All right. SAM: She’s amazing. LAURA: Great. So we’ll tie off the other side– Yeah. MATT: Ulog takes it and ties the other side of the rope. You guys can all begin to shimmy across and make your way. LAURA: (whispers) We shimmy. MATT: So. The rope is set up. Are you guys just going to shimmy across? SAM: Sure. MARISHA: When do we do the cat? SAM: Oh wait, do we have to cast– Do we have to have a– Distraction! MARISHA: The cat. SAM: Oh, we’re going to shimmy across. Because what if the guard looks up and sees us? LIAM: Only, Frumpkin is down at the bottom of the tree. He runs around and– SAM: So we do that now! LIAM: Yeah. I think– LAURA: Well, we do that– SAM: Now! LAURA: When we lower into the cellar, right when– SAM: No, we’re going through the roof now, I thought. No? LAURA: Well how–? LIAM: Wait, hold on. Is there entry through the roof? MATT: You’re not there. You can’t see it from here. LIAM: We can’t see from here? MARISHA: There is a chimney stack, though, right? LIAM: A chimney stack? We’re not Santa Claus! TRAVIS: We are now. (laughter) LAURA: Is there a door on the roof? How would there be a stupid door on the roof? SAM: There could be. TALIESIN: Sometimes there’s balconies. LAURA: There’s no balconies. MATT: There’s no balconies on this house. SAM: Look around for a door on the roof! MARISHA: What? Who would have a door on the roof? SAM: Rich people. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: I look around. Is there a door on the roof? LAURA: Maybe like an attic access or something? TALIESIN: French roof. MARISHA: 18. MATT: 18? You don’t find an entry way per se. One of the chimneys is wide enough for someone to pass through. It looks like there is a part of the roof that, if you were to try and remove some of the shingles, there might be some sort of entrance below it. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: You’re on an angle there, on each side. MARISHA: It looks like they need to re-roof. Like they haven’t done it in about 15 years. Right? SAM: Sure. MARISHA: So maybe we could get in. Or, go through the cellar. Or, be like Santa Claus. LAURA: I think we should go in through the roof. SAM: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let’s shimmy across. Make the distraction now. LAURA: We already shimmied. SAM: No we didn’t! MARISHA: It’s happening now. It’s real time. Real time! I think. LIAM: I’m sending Frumpkin now, okay? SAM: Go. Sausage cat! MATT: You watch as Frumpkin runs past (cat yowling) outside of the gate. Immediately (dog barking). He’s like, “No!” (guard stuttering) The dog drags him to the opposite side, like around the outside, into the fence and is now trying to bite. And Frumpkin’s on the other side of the fence, going (meows and hisses). (barking), right into the fence. The guy’s still holding back, like “Shit, no, stop! God, stop it!” Is pulling. You guys all make it across–no one seems to notice, none the wiser–onto the roof. LAURA: Hey, Nott. Send a message to Fjord and say, “Hey, did we look cool, just then?” SAM: Okay, I take out my little piece of wire and I whisper the incantation and do the motions. Hey, Fjord, Jester wants to know: Did we look cool? You can respond to this message. (laughter) TRAVIS: Did they go already? SAM: He said, “Did they go already?” (laughter) TALIESIN: I heard a dog barking. I feel that this plan was no better than ours. MATT: You guys are watching; you guys are on–? TALIESIN: We’re keeping an eye on the street. MATT: Perception check from both you guys. LIAM: Where are they in relation to us too, by the way? MATT: That’s up to them. TALIESIN: I think we’re on a corner, like far enough away from the house not to be a problem. LIAM: I want to know if you’re within view of the guard with the dog’s initial position. TRAVIS: 16. TALIESIN: 21. MATT: Okay. Keeping an eye out there, there isn’t any, at the moment, notable individuals wandering towards, or snooping around the house or your position. So you feel pretty safe. TALIESIN: You look like a guard. TRAVIS: Not yet. I should. Yeah, I’ll wander into an alley. MATT: And change into a crownsguard? Okay. Got it. TALIESIN: I got my cards out. MATT: You guys, you are on the roof. MARISHA: There was a guard named Cloen, who was the guard who saw the spider. MATT: There are two chimneys. MARISHA: Just throwing that out there. MATT: There is the slight roof thing that you saw. LIAM: So what I would do is also, once we’re in position on the roof, is I would tell Frumpkin to back off away from that dog, out of vision, and wait a few minutes, because he’s within a hundred feet of me. If so, we’re good. Tell him to find Molly, and sit with Molly. He’ll always listen to me, but I’m also sending him the command to listen to Molly, if need be. MATT: Easy enough to do. All right. So. LIAM: You don’t know that. But, still. MATT: The barking slows. The dog is still barking in the direction of what was there, and seems to be still really entranced with the possibility of getting that fucking cat. Frumpkin does find his way to you, Molly. Guys on the roof, what are you doing? MARISHA: Got to get through this roof. LIAM: What were you saying? I did not hear you. LAURA: Pry at the shingles. Look at how deep these go. SAM: I’m going to go down the chimney. LIAM: Yeah, good, we covered– If we do the shingles, how do we cover them up when we leave? We’re trying to leave no trace. LAURA: Who gives a shit? Who’s going to be on the fucking roof? MARISHA: I step around. How do the shingles feel? MATT: Some of them loosen and slip a little bit, and you can see there’s a very, very faint groove on the wood beneath it. Like a gap. LAURA: Not everyone can fit through the chimney. MARISHA: Nott! SAM: What? MARISHA: Do you have a dagger? SAM: I have a shortsword. MARISHA: Can I borrow it? LIAM: I have a dagger. MARISHA: Can I borrow any bladed thing? Thank you. SAM: I don’t like to lend my items out. MARISHA: I’m going to jack it up and see if I can– LAURA: I cast thunder. Thaumaturgy. MATT: Okay. (thunder rumbling) off in the distance. As you begin to pry a little bit, it begins to move up. There is some sort of a hatch. MARISHA: Does it feel like a trap door? MATT: It feels like a trap door a little bit. MARISHA: Oh, my god. MATT: As it’s pulling up, the shingles that are overlapped on it are overlapping the gap and start sliding a little bit. You immediately feel like if you open this, you’re going to send a bunch of shingles sliding off of the roof. LIAM: No, get them. Get them. SAM: Let’s go down the chimney. At least I can go down there and look to see if it’s possible. MATT: There is a very faint trail of smoke coming out of the chimney, by the way. LAURA: There’s a fire in there. What if we pull up these shingles? MARISHA: Yeah, pull up the shingles. LAURA: And, like, stack them. MATT: So you begin to collect them. Where are you putting them? SAM: In the haversack! MATT: Okay. So you take a moment to go ahead and carefully– You have a collection now of roughly 23 roof shingles in your haversack. MARISHA: Those could be valuable. MATT: So you can add that to your equipment. MARISHA: Are they clay shingles? Very valuable. LIAM: Look out, giant red dragons. MARISHA: Yeah. (laughs) MATT: We’ll say it takes you about five minutes or so to finally get all those off carefully. You manage to pry it open, and it opens up ever so slightly, and there’s a chain on each end that prevent it from (slamming open). It opens up just enough that you can slip inside, and there is a small ladder there that you can use to slowly get down into a small attic. LAURA: I’ll hold it open if you guys go scout. MARISHA: Okay. Do you want to let them know that we’re going in? SAM: Yes. I pull out my thing, and I do my thing. MARISHA: Then Beau will go down first. SAM: We’re going in, to the house. You can respond to this message. They’re dead. LIAM: I drop in after Beauregard and I cast Detect Magic immediately. MATT: Okay. You cast Detect Magic. LIAM: 30 feet. TRAVIS: They’re going in the house. MATT: Right, 30 feet in the vicinity. MARISHA: I do the cool thing where, like, I slide down, like a fireman, down the ladder a little bit. MATT: Okay. It only goes down about five feet or so. It’s a very small crawl space. MARISHA: Well, I look real cool for five feet. MATT: You do. It’s a very small crawl space. It’s maybe, like, ten foot by five foot. It’s very dusty in here. It looks like there are a few clay pots. There looks to be a portrait, like some sort of a large art piece, that’s leaning against the wall and has some cobwebs over it. Other than that, it looks fairly empty, like it hasn’t been used fully. You, casting Detect Magic. Let me check real fast. Yeah. So you look around the vicinity in this chamber and you do not see any sort of faint magical aura in the crawlspace. SAM: Are there any other doors in this crawl space that lead into the main? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: Natural 20. MATT: You do find, there is another trapdoor on the opposite end of the crawl space that is partially blocked by the art piece that’s leaning against it. You shift it out of the way and unhinge the top, and it opens and drops down to a hallway that has like faint a crackling firelight inside this hallway. You glance down inside. You can see a long hallway with tapestries on each wall of a beautiful writing. There are two ornamental armor sets that are set up on the side. You can see an ornamental sword that is bolted on the wall on the opposite end and stairs not too far from where you are that head further down into the building, and there is a doorway that leads to the right on the opposite end of the hallway. MARISHA: Jester, can you go ahead and cast a spell? LAURA: What spell? MARISHA: The locate-the-thing spell. LAURA: I am distracted by looking at this beautiful piece of art. SAM: Do you want to draw a mustache on it, or something? A dick butt? LAURA: I think I studied this artist back at home. LIAM: You know, we want to be efficient here. Quick. LAURA: Oh, okay. It only last for ten minutes though when I do it. So if we don’t find it soon then– LIAM: Yes, save more time to doing so. Let’s start moving. And you’re looking for bad physical things. LAURA: I’m going to– SAM: Traps? SAM: Oh, God! Yes! Oh, God! I forgot to look for any traps! ALL: Shh! SAM: Sorry. I going to take a big drink. LAURA: I’m sure Ulog can look for traps, because he’s also a rogue, right? MATT: He is, but he is behind you guys at this point. LAURA: Ulog, help us. Please. MATT: “All right. The two of us will keep an eye for traps.” He’s giving you an advantage. He’s giving you the help actually. You were down to casting what spell? You were casting– LAURA: I’m going to cast Locate Object. Cast spell. I’m going to search for a wax seal. MATT: Okay. LIAM: What’s the light situation like in here? MATT: You go down and there are two torches that are burning in the edge, but they don’t have a fuel source. They are an ever-burning torch and they are both fixed to the wall, giving this flickering light in the vicinity. You’ve come down to the hallway? LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: LEDs, yeah. MATT: So you guys have made your way down into the hallway. You’re still concentrating the spell, right? LIAM: Hells yes. MATT: There are magical auras emulating from these torches. They’re both everlight. You’ve seen this magic before. They just continuously burn. It’s continual flame. You also get a faint magical aura from each of the suits of armor, and a faint magical aura from the sword across the way on the opposite wall. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Like traps? Or they are just– SAM: I’m going to look for traps. MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check with advantage. MARISHA: Oh, fuck. LIAM: Do I know the school of magic? SAM: 20. MATT: What’d you roll? A 20? SAM: 20. MATT: 20. You carefully go forward and both you and Ulog pay attention. The floorboards of this hallway progress one after another, and there’s a cluster about four of them, about a-foot-and-a-half across each of them, that are slightly lifted on one side. Glancing forward, you can see there’s some sort of pressure device that triggers when those boards are stepped on. LIAM: There’s no magical aura from those at all? Those are separate. You’re not saying. MATT: You’re not sure. LIAM: Okay. SAM: Ulog, you didn’t find anything. I found a trap. MATT: “Actually– fine.” LIAM: The spell says I know the school of magic for what’s on these things. You able to tell me that? MATT: Correct. I would say– That’s an interesting question. SAM: Necromancy. MATT: Let me check something real fast. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: There’s undead bodies in the armor! MATT: We’ll say it can go in two different ways. I’m not entirely sure. LIAM: If you don’t know how to answer, it’s fine. MATT: No, no. I do here. It would be– LIAM: (singing) Breaking the law. Breaking the law. MARISHA: Breaking the law. MATT: We’ll say conjuration. LIAM: Okay. Ja. MATT: No, transmutation, which you know well. SAM: Edubation. LIAM: I’m an expert in edubation. That’s Liam, not Caleb. TRAVIS: Mm-hm. I have a very bad feeling about these suits of armor. LAURA: So we won’t touch them. MARISHA: That was him. That was him. I did not say that. SAM: Let’s jump over this little hump. LIAM: Okay, but I don’t know exactly how these work, but I have a strong suspicion that these things can start moving and try to cut us up. Both these suits of armor and that weapon. LAURA: Are those traps would set them off? LIAM: Maybe. MATT: Jester. As you finish concentrating on the spell and focusing on the wax seal, you get a blip of its location in the next chamber beyond where you are in the door on the right. LAURA: Oh my gosh! How great because we came in– SAM: Let’s go! LAURA: We have to avoid the traps. SAM: Jump over that little hump. LIAM: Hopefully things will go very well, but there’s a chance that this thing that you are indicating is not connected to those, so be ready to fight. LAURA: So duck down. It’s like The Neverending Story. Don’t be afraid, you guys, just go! SAM: Wait, what if– we are up shit’s creek. So we need Schmidt’s creek. What if you have Schmidt do something? Can Schmidt go do something? MATT: As this is happening, Ulog is sighing loudly, pulls out some tools, and begins to fiddle with where the boards are on the ground. He manages to get a shortsword of his pressed underneath where the boards are and slips it across, slightly lifting each one as he goes until the sword peeks out the opposite side acting as a platform beneath. MARISHA: Dope! Yeah! SAM: I told him to do that, I sort of– He goes, “Watch and learn, little one.” LAURA: It’s like a training session. MATT: He goes and carefully steps on the boards, and then steps across with no effect. SAM: Is he mansplaining to me? MATT: Roguesplaining, technically. LIAM: This. Is. Exciting. LAURA: Come on this only lasts ten minutes let’s go! MARISHA: Someone stay watch. We’re going to go this way. SAM: We’re making progress! You can respond to this message. TRAVIS: I’m over here. SAM: We’re making progress! (laughter) MATT: As you guys head in, there’s the closed door that leads into the chamber where you’re sensing this aura. LAURA: Okay. Detect for traps. Look for traps on this door. SAM: Me? Okay. I’m gonna look for traps. Eight, plus five. 13. MATT: 13, okay. It is trapped. SAM: Oh! It’s a door? That’s trapped? MATT: Yes. It’s not locked, but it is trapped. MARISHA: Do I hear any movement in the house? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: How do we disarm a trap? MARISHA: Not bad, not bad. SAM: We let Ulog do it! MARISHA: 15. MATT: 15. You listen out. You do not hear any movement in the house other than what you currently are making. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: (hiccups) MATT: And a hiccup from out in the distance. TALIESIN: Hello, pick a card. MATT: Perception check from both of you guys, by the way, while this is happening. TRAVIS: 11. TALIESIN: 11. MATT: Okay. You don’t seem to notice anything. All right. So you guys– SAM: I’m going to try to disarm it. MATT: All right. You pull out your thieves’– SAM: Do I see the triggering mechanism? MATT: We’ll find out! Go ahead and make a thieves’ tools check. So roll a d20, add your proficiency modifier and your dexterity modifier. Should be plus six, I think? SAM: Yes, 16. MATT: 16! As you carefully get down to where the knob is, you begin to turn it ever so slightly and you hear this spring begin to tighten, and you’re familiar with that sound. So you manage to get your tool underneath, and you find where the spring is, it’s barely in the space between where the door and the edge of the door frame is. You get the tool underneath, capture it, and as you pull the door open it prevents the spring from pulling back into the device. You slowly, as you expose it, reach in, snap the opposing side and remove the spring entirely, leaving the trap inert. SAM: These are your tools, Beau! LIAM: I wish I was still a rogue, it’s the best class! SAM: I feel so alive! MATT: As the door opens into a fairly well-decorated master bedroom. You see a large canopy bed, a beautiful detailed embroidered rug that consumes the center of the floor. You can see a fireplace to your right, the one that you saw that was attached to the top of the roof, that has a fire burning in it. It has two giant statues of lions on each side, this cool detailed shelf there. You can see a table with chairs to your left. You can see a slight opening to a balcony that’s not visible from the outside. SAM: Ooh, an invisible balcony. LIAM: I walk up behind Nott and scan the room with the spell. MATT: Okay. You’re just scanning the room? LIAM: I’m just walking up behind Nott, no further, and looking in to see what glows. MATT: All right. As you glance in and look, there is immediately to your left a large metal cabinet of some kind. It is made of dark iron, and gives a very faint magical aura to it. The rug in the center of the room gives a faint magical aura as well. SAM: The rug? LAURA: Flying carpet! TALIESIN: No. LAURA: Look for traps in the room. SAM: Okay. Did you see the lock I just– TRAVIS: Fuckin’ focus! LAURA: I did, but hurry! SAM: 19. MATT: You’re looking for– SAM: Traps. MATT: Okay, investigation check. You glance around and look in the chamber. You don’t see anything that gives the essence of a trap to you. It looks like the trap was part of the entry here, but there’s nothing immediately in the vicinity that resembles a triggering trap. LIAM: What kind of magic is emanating from the carpet? What school of magic? MATT: The carpet? It’s also transmutation, and the magic on the large case has a faint abjuration. LAURA: Where is the glow for the seal is coming from? MATT: It’s underneath the rug. LIAM: I alert everyone. The carpet is magical. SAM: We should not step on it. LAURA: Well, I need to move it because the seal is under the rug. MARISHA: The seal’s under the rug? SAM: Do we have anything that can negate the magic or– MARISHA: Do you have Dispel Magic? LIAM: I do not. SAM: Can Schmidt stand on the carpet? Oh! I can move it with my Mage Hand or something, or peel it back with my mage hand. MATT: Mage Hand. Very helpful when setting grappling hooks on roofs. SAM: Oh, shit! Shut up, Ulog! MATT: “I’m just saying, if I knew you could do that, you could’ve–” SAM: Fuck you, I know what I’m doing. LAURA: So move the fucking carpet! SAM: You want me to move the carpet? LAURA: Move the rug. MARISHA: Can I do a look for anything that looks out of place, any papers, anything, trap doors? MATT: Investigation check. LIAM: I have a question. The carpet reeks of abjuration, or– I would know that the carpet is magical. SAM: It was transmutation. LIAM: Transmutation. If the carpet is magical, I wouldn’t– MATT: You can only see magical sources from what you can see. So if a thing’s behind a wall or behind an object you don’t see an aura. LIAM: Right. The carpet seems magical to me, I wouldn’t think that something under the carpet is magical. TRAVIS: Yep, I saw it. MARISHA: Natural 20. MATT: Natural 20! As they’re having this conversation, you glance by the fireplace, the fire is crackling in there, and you glance down and right underneath the hearth, up where the fire’s tickling, you see a piece of the stonework that doesn’t match the others, it’s slightly off-colored. It looks like the burning of the fire that’s been given this dark and blackened look to it, there’s one brick there that doesn’t seem to have been affected by any of the soot at all. MARISHA: I, avoiding the rug, lightly step over it, and see if I can jiggy the brick out. MATT: As your finger presses against the brick it slides in about a half an inch, and you hear this (click) sound over by where the metal large cabinet is. LAURA: You just unlocked the fucking metal shit! MARISHA: Oh shit! LIAM: Do I see any change in the abjuration magic when she does that? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Does it go away? MATT: It vanishes. (cheering) SAM: I’m going to cast Message. We are the fucking best! You can respond to this message! (laughter) LAURA: I got to get that seal! LIAM: What you just did dispelled whatever ward was on the cabinet, however the carpet I can’t tell exactly what’s going on but there is something– LAURA: Use the Mage Hand to move the carpet. MARISHA: Give me the papers. SAM: I cast Mage Hand and slowly peel back a corner of the carpet. LAURA: I hand the two letters that we made for Lord Sutan. MATT: Okay, the carpet peels back and it reveals beneath it a section of the wood that has a hinge bolted to one side of it. It’s a square that’s cut out of it, it looks like it’s an open case. The carpet peels back, and then begins to fold back in its space, and then fold up again. It begins to slightly shift and rise, and the carpet almost seems to be gliding in the air on its own in the vicinity. It spins towards you and then rushes in your direction. I need everyone to roll initiative. MARISHA: We’re fighting a carpet! The fuck! LAURA: We’re fighting a carpet. TALIESIN: We had it coming. LIAM: It’s an animated object! TRAVIS: I had that in my one-shot. LIAM: My kids have fought a broom. This happens. LAURA: Whoa, look at that carpet! MATT: That carpet is now gone, because instead you are fighting that carpet. (cheering) TRAVIS: It’s like a cobra ready to strike! MATT: All righty, so Nott would’ve been over here. LAURA: So we’re rolling initiative, that’s what we’re doing? MATT: Yes, roll initiative, please. Beau, you’re over by the fireplace so you’ve just seen that happen there, and I think that’s– LIAM: I would be by Beau because I clapped her on the shoulder. MATT: Right, right. SAM: Yeah, Holly. (laughter) MATT: I forgot my dwarf mini. SAM: Oh no! MATT: Well, no, it’s in here somewhere. Forgot to bring it out. I am unprepared! TRAVIS: Unprepared. Just use a d4. LIAM: (sarcastically) You are not prepared, oh no. MATT: That’s fine, I’ll use this. I’ll say that that’s him there, it’s fine. Given that case, guys, first it’s a surprise round, as it whips its way over towards Nott. SAM: It gets a surprise round. MATT: It does, because it suddenly rushes in your direction. That is going to be a 21 to hit. SAM: That hits. MATT: Natural 16. It goes and wraps around you and completely envelops you within itself. All of a sudden you just see darkness, and you cannot breathe. MARISHA: Oh, this is going to suck. MATT: Currently you are enveloped by the Rug of Smothering. MARISHA: The Rug of Smothering. MATT: Initiative here. Top of the round, 25 to 20 anybody. SAM: 24. MATT: 24, that’ll be you first, Nott. 20 to 15? LAURA: 17. MARISHA: 15. MATT: Beau. 15 to 10? TALIESIN: 15. MATT: What’d you get Caleb? LIAM: Well you know, I rolled a nine. MARISHA: Oh my god! TRAVIS: I’m not in this one, fucker. You guys are the best, that’s the last we heard. (laughter) LIAM: (singing) You’re the best around! Nothing’s ever going to bring you down! MATT: It’s true! Nott, it’s your turn first. You are restrained, you are blinded, and you are suffocating. At the start of your turn, you immediately take 12 points of bludgeoning damage as it’s now crushing and constricting your entire body. You feel the life being pulled out of you as you’re gasping for breath in this space. What are you going to do with your turn? SAM: A VS spell is verbal. Can I talk? MATT: Yes, you can still talk. You’re (muffled sounds). You still have the breath you had in your body when it went around you, so I’ll say you have enough air for one spell and then that’s all. SAM: Okay. I will touch it with Shocking Grasp, cast Shocking Grasp on it. MATT: Is that a spell attack roll? SAM: It’s touch, to hit plus five. So I have to roll. MATT: Yeah, you would have disadvantage because you’re restrained, but it’s also smothering you so I would give you advantage to that, so it’s just a straight roll. SAM: 13 plus five. 18! MATT: That hits! Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Okay. One point of damage. However, it can’t take reactions until its next turn. MATT: Good to know. SAM: Does it let me go? MATT: Nope! SAM: I can’t move away from it? MATT: No, you are restrained. You can try and break free, but it’s an action to try. SAM: Oh shit. Well, poo. MATT: But hey, there you go. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to cast Guiding Bolt on it. MATT: Okay. You see it wrapping around and Nott’s flailing about as this carpet is crushing her little body. Go ahead and– LAURA: Roll a ranged attack. MATT: Yes. Go for it. LAURA: Oh! Natural 19. MATT: Oh yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage on that. LAURA: That’s 4d6. Radiant. TRAVIS: Yeah, get it! SAM: Damn! LAURA: 15 damage, and the next attack has advantage against it. MATT: Okay, it takes eight points of radiant damage, and Nott takes seven points of radiant damage. LAURA: (gasping) Oh no! MATT: As you blast you hear Nott (muffled screaming) underneath, you get the sense all the damage dealt to this rug is divided with whoever it’s enveloping. LAURA: Oh no, I’m sorry, Nott! SAM: I can’t hear you. TRAVIS: He doesn’t know who’s doing it, that’s okay. MATT: Jester, you going to stay where you are? LAURA: Where am I? MATT: Sorry, you would’ve been probably over here. LAURA: Oh no, how do we get it off? LIAM: We damage it. LAURA: No, but we can’t damage it. MATT: You going to move or stay here? LIAM: No, I understand, but we damage it. LAURA: I’m going to go stand on the bed! MATT: You move around and stand on the bed! SAM: And jump! MATT: All righty. That ends your turn Jester. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: All right. I’m going to run up with my staff and do a crack crack. LAURA: No, but– MARISHA: Let me do my fucking thing, man. Let me do my fucking thing. TRAVIS: She doesn’t know. MARISHA: I have no fucking clue. TRAVIS: Same six seconds! LAURA: No, but you just heard Nott scream! LIAM: No one knows, who the fuck knows? MARISHA: Sorry, Nott. Crack! SAM: (screaming) I’m hurting! You can reply to this message! MARISHA: 16 for the first one. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Okay, that is six damage. MATT: That’s three to you, Nott. SAM: I’m unconscious. TRAVIS: Are you? SAM: Uh-huh. TRAVIS: Oh shit. Fuck. MARISHA: For the second one. LAURA: Oh no, you’re going to kill Nott! MARISHA: That hits. That’s a natural 16. And that’s seven damage. MATT: Seven damage. That’s four damage to the thing and you fail a death saving throw. MARISHA: Now I’m going to spend a ki point. TRAVIS: Doesn’t she fail two? MATT: No, that’s on a critical. She wasn’t attacking Nott specifically. She was attacking the rug. MARISHA: I’m going to spend a ki point and do something that I have yet to do, which is Extract Aspects. SAM: What does that mean? TRAVIS: It can’t have that many hit points, right? MATT: Okay. So you hit it twice. MARISHA: Then I’m going to see if I can catch any reverberations off of the rug. MATT: All right. And it makes a what saving throw? Constitution? MARISHA: Constitution. MATT: That is an 11. MARISHA: Fail! MATT: All right. What do you want to know about it? MARISHA: I want to know its damage vulnerabilities. What’s it vulnerable to? MATT: It is actually not vulnerable to anything. MARISHA: What?! Do I get something else? MATT: You learned it is not vulnerable to anything. LIAM: You learned it’s badass. TRAVIS: Goddamn it. LAURA: We have to try to pull the rug off of– We have to out-strength the rug! LIAM: Next. Moving on. MARISHA: Hey guys, Nott’s in the rug. SAM: (muffled screaming) MATT: Now it’s Ulog’s turn. Ulog, who sees the rug there, is going to rush over and attempt to– LIAM: Oh, Ulog is a little girl. MATT: I know. It was the best I could find in the moment, you know? TRAVIS: It works. MATT: It’s fine. He rolls a two, because NPCs that I try and fight with can’t roll shit. That misses. That misses. To your benefit, Ulog tries to stab and is missing or hitting the edge of the tassels. It’s not even making an impact on the rug. He is going to use a bonus action to disengage and head back towards where the balcony is. All right. So that goes ahead and ends that. That brings us to the rug’s turn. The rug is going to go ahead and release Nott, and is going to attempt to completely envelop Beau. MARISHA: Hey guys, Nott’s down– Oh shit. MATT: That’s cocked. That is another 16. 21. MARISHA: Hits. LAURA: Oh, no. MATT: You, Beau, are now enveloped by the rug. MARISHA: Hey guys, I think this rug (choking). LAURA: How do we defeat this rug before it kills all of us? MATT: All righty. That’s going to go ahead and end the rug’s turn. TRAVIS: How’d you guys die? A rug. TALIESIN: Rugs are the new doors. MATT: Actually, the rug’s going to go ahead, because it can still move– Well, it’s speed is nothing, nevermind. TRAVIS: What? It moves into the fireplace? MATT: Well it would move her away. No, it’s not going to do that. TRAVIS: (screams) MATT: It doesn’t have enough movement to move much. That brings us to the bottom. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Yeah, I pull the potion of healing I have out of my belt, and I run over to Nott and I jam it into her mouth and pour it in. The whole time I’m going through my list of spells thinking of what could help. There’s nothing, but I’m going: Dancing Lights, Fire Bolt, Friends, Alarm, Burning Hands, Chromatic Orb, Comprehend Languages, Detect Magic. And I heal Nott. MATT: Go ahead and roll for the heal on that. MARISHA: And before I got wrapped up I said it’s not immune to any– (choking) It has no weaknesses– (choking) MATT: All righty. So how much does Nott heal? LIAM: 14 points. TRAVIS: Whoa! SAM: From one healing potion? LIAM: Greater. MATT: There you go. Top of the round. Nott, your turn. As you come to consciousness, you are still prone. TRAVIS: Return that damage. MATT: Caleb moved around to join your side there to go ahead and apply the potion. SAM: We can’t hurt Beau! MARISHA: No, it’s fine. SAM: I will go and try to wrestle the– TRAVIS: You’re a god! MARISHA: (choking) MATT: You know what, go ahead and make an athletics check. SAM: Two. MATT: No. You rush up and you grab it, and it actually lifts you off your feet and you are now being flailed in the air as you’re grabbing the edge of the rug, going (screams). SAM: (screaming) MATT: All right that ends your turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I’m going to try to go help Nott and I’m going to do the same thing. I’m going to try to pry the rug off of Beau. MATT: Okay. You move up. Go ahead and make an athletics check. MARISHA: This is the best! TALIESIN: That’s a number. LAURA: That’s a number. It’s a 12. MATT: 12. You grab and you’re not pulled off your feet, but the rug is too strong and it’s not quite releasing its hold on Beau. Beau, it’s your turn. At the top of your turn, you suffer ten points of bludgeoning damage. TRAVIS: Wow! MATT: As it’s crushing your body on the inside and you cannot breathe. It is your turn, though. You can still go. LIAM: He’s killing our nostalgia for the carpet. LAURA: I wonder if there’s something in the room that will– SAM: Turn it off? LAURA: Turn it off. LIAM: He would have had to have told me that there was magic anywhere else in the room. LAURA: No, because the thing in the fireplace. LIAM: Right, was physical. That’s true. MATT: What are you doing, Beau? MARISHA: Can I do any type of attack? What can I do? MATT: Yeah, you just have disadvantage on the attacks. MARISHA: I just have disadvantage. LIAM: Come on, you are a badass. You can do it. TRAVIS: Roll that fucking shit. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to try and elbow the fucking shit out this rug. LIAM: You’re the best of all of us. MARISHA: I am the best! TRAVIS: Oh, fuck. MARISHA: Fuck you, Gil. TRAVIS: Terrible, just awful. MARISHA: 11. LIAM: Wait, did you roll a 20 and an eight? MARISHA: No, I rolled my damage die. MATT: So it was an 11? MARISHA: For the first one. MATT: Misses. MARISHA: Uh-huh. Second one. LIAM: Come on, Beau. MARISHA: No! It’s a two. MATT: It’s just too tight. You can’t quite get any movement to hit it. It’s a bad space for you. MARISHA: Oh wait, you said– oh, disadvantage. TRAVIS: We’re the best. MATT: That ends your turn. It is now Ulog’s go. Ulog is going to rush up and attempt to stab at it as he sees it wrapping around there. That is a 12. That hits. TRAVIS: A 12 hits. MATT: Yeah, I know. TRAVIS: Guys. MATT: It does do sneak attack damage, because you guys are in the vicinity. MARISHA: Wait, what? SAM: He’s doing sneak attack damage to the carpet, which translates to you. MARISHA: That’s fine. MATT: He doesn’t know. He’s trying to help. That’s going to be 12 points of piercing damage, so six to the rug and six to you. SAM: Oh, okay. MARISHA: Ouch. MATT: The rug is starting to look a little torn up in places and you can see bits of Beau showing through where the gashes are stabbing through. It’s looking fairly hurt. MARISHA: Bits of Beau. Bits of Beau are showing. LIAM: Who wore it best? MATT: It’s the rug’s turn. The rug is going to attempt to shift itself and Beau a little bit away this direction. It can only get five feet because its speed is halved pulling you along with it and its speed is ten. So Nott, you get an attack of opportunity, if you want to take one. LAURA: It’s looking weak. SAM: Sure, I’ll swing a shortsword at it. MATT: You whip out your shortsword quickly. SAM: 21 to hit. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage with sneak attack. If you want to sneak attack. You don’t have to. SAM: Yeah, sure. If I’m going to hit it, I’m going to hit it. (counting) 15. MATT: 15, all right. That’s eight to the rug and seven to Beau. SAM: Oh, she’s out. LIAM: No, she’s not out. She’s hanging on. MATT: The rug is barely holding on by a thread. You see it still keeps her constrained. You see parts of it are fraying and falling apart. The threads are dangling, but it’s still keeping its mass strongly and tightly around her. It’s still crushing her and mainly wrapped around her face so she can’t see and she can’t breathe. That ends the rug’s turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Ja. MATT: You’re up. LIAM: What am I doing? I rush forward and I am going to try to pry the rug off of her. MATT: Make an athletics check. LIAM: Ja. Come on, roll big. Nope. Athletics? Nein! ALL: Nein! MATT: There it is. You’re trying to pull and you get some threads that snap off and you’re like “Shit!” It’s not working. You’re not getting the right grasp on it. LIAM: Next. MATT: That ends Caleb’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Me? What about Jes? MATT: No, it’s you and then Jester. SAM: Oh, that was a reaction. Well, I guess I see how bad the rug is doing and I will swing that shortsword again. Why not? LAURA: Vengeance. SAM: It’s a 15. MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. If you want to do it with sneak attack, up to you. SAM: You said it was hanging by a thread, right? MATT: It looks like it’s doing pretty rough. It’s up to you. SAM: Maybe not sneak attack damage. Ooh, ten points? (laughter) MATT: So that’s five damage to Beau and the rug. MARISHA: Guys, this rug is expensi– MATT: You tear through the rug. You cut through and the rug bisects, but you also see that where you cut through also cut across the front of Beau as her eyes roll back and she plops onto the ground, the rug falling in pieces to the ground around her, coming to rest. MARISHA: Don’t let me bleed on it! SAM: Ah! What have I done?! Heal her! LAURA: I will. I cast Cure Wounds on her. MATT: Okay, go ahead and cast Cure Wounds to heal. LAURA: Eight points. MARISHA: (gasps) I didn’t bleed on it, did I? I move off the rug so I don’t bleed on it. MATT and LAURA: The rug is shredded. SAM: I’m going to cast Message. Remember the hospital? That. You can reply to this message. (laughter) TRAVIS: It’s going as well as the hospital. TALIESIN: That seems fair. LAURA: He’s going to know we were in his room because the rug is messed up. SAM: We’ll fix it later. LIAM: That’s okay, because if the plan goes according to plan, yeah. Allow myself to introduce myself. If everything goes well, we get Orentha to fall on both of these people at once. So let’s finish what we’re doing, ja? LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Ja, doesn’t matter. No one is going to care about a rug or him screaming about a rug. LAURA: Okay. Let’s gather up the pieces of the rug so it’s not, you know. MATT: So you gather all the pieces of the rug to join your shingles. MARISHA: Scoop up the rug. LAURA: Check the fucking thing if it’s trapped. LIAM: Check that armoire or whatever it is. LAURA: No, check the thing on the ground and see if it’s trapped first. LIAM: Check them both. SAM: I’ll check the thing on the ground while Ulog checks the thing on the mantelpiece or wherever it is. LIAM: He’s got a safe and a floor. SAM: What am I checking? 14 on the thing on the floor. MATT: It does not appear to be trapped. It does appear to be locked. Roll again. LIAM: No more magic? MATT: Correct. SAM: 15 plus thieves’ tools. MATT: Yeah, easy enough. (lock clicks) You manage to open it up and there is a small chest about that big that rests in a small cubby beneath. SAM and LAURA: What does it have in it? MATT: As you open the chest, make a constitution saving throw. SAM: Oh, shit. Ten. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Son of a gun. MATT: So first, there’s a sudden burst of a brief light through it, and all your muscles tense up and you are paralyzed. LIAM: Motherfucker. MARISHA: Okay. It’s okay. LIAM: What about Ulog? MARISHA: What about Ulog? LIAM: Because it’s simultaneous. MATT: Ulog goes, “No traps,” and pulls it open. No issue. LIAM: What is in there with Ulog? MATT: Inside with Ulog, you see a beautiful set of burgundy and gold robes that are up hanging, you see a set of polished bracers made of cobalt steel that are both dangling on a hook, and you see three ancient statuettes, like relics or collector’s items, that are arranged on the bottom of it that all look like old museum pieces. MARISHA: Do they have any symbols on them? On the statues? LIAM: All magical, I assume. I assume they’re glowing. MATT: Are you still concentrating? LIAM: Yeah, I haven’t cast anything that breaks that. MATT: That’s true, you didn’t take any damage. None of them are glowing except for the cobalt bracers. MARISHA: Do I recognize any symbols or see any symbols on the statues? MATT: Make a history check. MARISHA: Ten. MATT: Ten. You do not, unfortunately. LIAM: Nott just collapsed on the floor, paralyzed. LAURA: No, Nott’s paralyzed holding onto the chest. MATT: Holding to the chest. The chest which is now open, in Nott’s hand. LAURA: I am petting Nott’s head and going: Don’t worry, in the morning, I can take a spell that will heal you, so we’ll carry you out here, okay? Everything will be fine. LIAM: I pull the chest free of Nott’s hands. Is this chest glowing? MATT: No. LAURA: No, it’s got the seal in it. Does it have the seal in it? MATT: On the inside there is a faint glow. If you look inside, you see there’s a cluster of platinum pieces. They’re stacked on the side and have shifted around from the movement. You see a single polished river stone, about that big, that is giving a glowing aura, and you see a few sticks of wax and a single pressed wax seal. LAURA: Okay. I sit down. Oh, do we see his handwriting anywhere? Any letters? MATT: You do not see in this vicinity any letters or handwriting, no. MARISHA: It’s okay. He always gets his squires to do his dirty work. But we have the seal. LAURA: Okay. I’ll sit down and I’ll write a letter really fast that says, “The plan–” MARISHA: He’s working with the Myriad, and all that stuff earlier. LIAM: We have that already. We did it in advance. I start rooting through Nott’s pockets to find the letter in Thieves’ Cant. LAURA: No, that’s different. Those are letters we were leaving here. LIAM: Yeah, Thieves’ Cant we’re leaving here. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: So we should leave them here. MARISHA: But we wrote up the letters for the High-Richter too, just so we can stamp. LAURA: We didn’t actually write that letter yet because I was waiting for his handwriting. MARISHA: Yeah we did because we put the Knights of Requital in it. The KR symbol. LAURA: Sure, why not? LIAM: From Richter to Sutan we did, so we’re leaving those, and we’re leaving a note– MATT: Marisha, make a perception check. You both make perception checks. LIAM: Nott’s fake Myriad note we’re leaving here, so I pull that out of Nott’s pockets. MARISHA: 18. MATT: 18? You do glance– TALIESIN: Natural 20. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: Good to know. You glance off to the side and there is a desk in the corner that has two sets of drawers that are currently closed. LIAM: While Jester and Caleb are arguing, Caleb grabs the little magical stone that’s in that box and puts it in his pocket. MATT: Okay. You grab it and put it in your pocket. MARISHA: I stuff the letters that we were planting on the High-Richter in the– sorry, on Sutan into the safe. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Close the safe. MATT: Okay (clicking). MARISHA: Run over to the desk, open the desk, look through it. Do I see anything? MATT: Mostly it’s just blank parchment. You do see a few notes that are maybe partially written letters that were crumpled up and thrown in there that are Lord Sutan’s handwriting. LAURA: (gasps) Let me see! MARISHA: Yeah, go! LAURA: Okay! I look at it and then I sit down and write the letter and go– okay, what’s her name? The High-Richter’s letter’s first name? TRAVIS: Prucine. MARISHA: Prucine! Dayana Prucine! LAURA: Dayana, okay. I’m going to write: Dayana, got your message, our plan is moving forward exactly as we discussed. The Myriad has our back! MARISHA: Sure, yeah. LAURA: Sure. Then sign it Lord Sutan. MARISHA: Sure. LAURA: Oh! And something about the Big-O going down. MARISHA: Yes! LAURA: The Big-O will go down. MARISHA: Tonight, plan happening, sooner than later. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for your forgery kit. So roll a d20, add your proficiency modifier and your intelligence modifier. TALIESIN: This is hard, being outside. MATT: I’m sorry, guys. TALIESIN: It’s okay. Someone had to do it. LAURA: Roll my proficiency plus my intelligence. Aw, my intelligence?! Why not wisdom? (laughter) LIAM: Got to do it. LAURA: Nine. MARISHA: Is there any way I can help her? Like being also proficient in forging in this background and stuff? MATT: Sure. I’ll say since you were helping her that I’ll give you advantage on the roll. LAURA: Advantage? MATT: Advantage on the roll. So roll one more time. LAURA: (sighs) Ooh, that’s so much better! 22! MATT: You start making one and it’s not quite working out and Beau looks over your shoulder, points it out, you take it– MARISHA: Ah, you forgot the hooks on the G’s! MATT: You throw it in the fireplace and incinerate that one and then make another one. This one is pretty solid and it matches the writing perfectly. LAURA: This is really good. MARISHA: Wow, yes! It looks amazing. You should be proud. LAURA: I roll it up, heat up the wax, seal it– MATT: (hissing) Done. LAURA: Put the letter in the bag. We have it for later. Then I go and pick up Nott. Let’s get out of here. MARISHA: Let’s get the fuck out of here. LIAM: We’ve left the Thieves’ Cant note from the “Myriad” and we’ve left the– Yeah? Everything that we’ve planned? LAURA: Does anyone have any books around? MATT: In the current room? There is a shelf in the hallway that you can see that has a few books. LIAM: Is anything glowing there though, Matthew? MATT: No there’s nothing glowing. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: I’m going to take out one of the pamphlets for the Traveler and stick it into one of the books. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Okay, and then I pick up Nott! MATT: You guys make your way back up to the entranceway up into the crawlspace above the attic, pull it closed and latch it. You move the art piece back over. You make your way back to the edge of the roof where you guys had exited, climbing the ladder that’s attached to it, making your way onto the roof, getting Nott up there, manhandled, Ulog following you as you get to the top. You close it– MARISHA: Put some shingles back. MATT: You put the shingles back in the space. For that, I’m going to have to have you both roll dexterity checks, please. Or, since you’re helping, have you roll a dexterity check with advantage, because you’re helping her. MARISHA: Okay. Just straight dexterity? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: 15. MATT: 15. Okay. You manage to find and arrange them in a way where they aren’t going to slide off and even with a bit of rain that’s in there you find the pockets where they originally, mostly sitting so they’re not going to coast with any sort of weather shift. MARISHA: It looks all right, right? Okay. LAURA: I pick up Nott. I walk her as we tiptoe across the roof. MATT: All right. You guys are noticing at this point as they’re on the roof, because you’re paying attention you see them begin to emerge on the roof as you begin to see a cluster of crownsguard doing a pass through the street. TALIESIN: So I know that we can see if they’re coming through? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: We may need to distract. I’m going to: Go fuck with the dog. I push the cat away with that. And do you want to go out? TRAVIS: Do what? TALIESIN: Do you want– we distract Crownsguard? TRAVIS: Yes, of course. Yeah. (clears throat) MATT: There’s four of them that are approaching and they’re going by and keeping an eye on things. TRAVIS: I walk up to the four of them. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I heard there’s a disturbance over here. I need some assistance, please. MATT: “What kind of disturbance?” TRAVIS: There’s a rowdy bunch over here, been drinking too much already, anticipating the festival. Would you come with me? MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Oh, god. 13. TALIESIN: Can I assist? MATT: Technically, no because you weren’t part of it. TALIESIN: I was about to– yeah, I know, yeah. MATT: Had to catch it before the roll, unfortunately. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: That’s okay, (chuckles) he rolled a one. The snitch isn’t working for me tonight. LAURA: Oh god. Move. MATT: So the two of them don’t seem to quite buy into it, but the two of them that go, “Well, all right. We’ll follow. Lead on.” Leads the three– you jog along. Two of them continue their route. TALIESIN: How’s your evening going gentlemen? MATT: “Keep moving along.” TALIESIN: Want a free tarot reading? I’m on a five-minute break for the entertainment. MATT: “We’re all right, but thank you.” They keep walking. TALIESIN: I sent the cat, so the cat should be– LIAM: Yeah. (angry meow) MATT: Frumpkin makes his way around. (barking) Again, the dog unleashes a torrent of barks, like “No, not again!” You hear the other guy being pulled across the yard. He’s being dragged through the wet grass. You guys begin to make your way across. Who’s carrying Nott across? LAURA: I will. LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: I’m going to try to hook Nott over me. So like she’s attached. MATT: Make an athletics check as you try to make your way across the rope. TRAVIS: We’ve got this. MARISHA: I’m going to try to hold the rope as hard as I can. (grunts) LIAM: Athletics check? For everybody, right? MARISHA: Oh come on, girl. LAURA: Five. MARISHA: Fuck! That’s not good. TRAVIS: (chuckling) You pulling your eyebrows off? MATT: So do you want to save yourself or Nott? Because one of you is falling. LAURA: I save Nott and I’ll fall. MATT: As you grasp, you loop Nott around the rope. As you lose your grip, feeling it coming and you tumble down. Falling three stories. TALIESIN: That many stories? LAURA: Three stories. MARISHA: I know. We were three stories up. MATT: So you take 12 points of bludgeoning damage as you crack! Hit the ground. LAURA: (pained) Oh. Thaumaturgy. Thunder. MATT: As you impact, the two guards that were talking to you and chatting, immediately whip around and see Jester on the ground and put their hands on their weapons and begin rushing towards her. LAURA: Am I on the outside of the– MATT: You’re on the outside of the fence, yeah. LAURA: Okay, that’s great. MATT: Like just barely. You just missed the wall. MARISHA: Do I have Nott on the rope? MATT: Nott is up on the rope, hanging and dangling. MARISHA: Can I pull Nott up and roll over and hide on the rope? Or on the roof? MATT: Sure. You tug her over onto the roof. TALIESIN: There you are, dear! LAURA: Am I 12 damage? MATT: 12 damage. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m running with them to see what happened. There you are dear! Good god! There were those hooligans that were roughing us up earlier. Are you all right? LAURA: They hurt me so bad. TALIESIN: I knew you were going to be okay, anyway. Do you mind helping? MATT: Make a deception check. TALIESIN: I know. Fucking– TRAVIS: Come on! LIAM: Come on, Tal! TALIESIN: Nope. Four. LAURA: But I was helping because I’m bloody. MATT: You should have said before the roll. (groaning) MATT: Okay. They both go “All right, miss.” They pick you up and the other guy takes your arm and is like– TALIESIN: Hey, I’m only a little drunk. MATT: “Right. All right.” They drag you and start bringing you towards the gates out of the Tri-Spire. TALIESIN: That’s fair. MARISHA: So wait, she was on the other side of the gate? TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay. TALIESIN: That’s fair. MATT: So you two make your way– LAURA: But I’m staying at the Pillow Trove tonight. MATT: “Miss, you’ve got to sober up and you can find your way back tomorrow morning.” So they escort you out of the Tri-Spire. You guys are pushed beyond the gates and there’s now eight guards at each gate that are preventing any passage in and out. You guys are shoved back out into the city. TALIESIN: You’re a gofficer and a nentleman. Thank you very much. MATT: However, that distraction gives you guys enough time to get the rest of you over and down to the beyond the tree. MARISHA: Okay, yeah. I like do a climber’s loop harness and tie Nott around me, around my middle section and then get over. MATT: Okay. So you guys all get across. You leaving the rope there or are you detaching it? MARISHA: No, I’m trying to detach it if I can. No trace. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: I love his facial expressions from here. MATT: Make a dexterity check. LIAM: Work that shit. This is– MARISHA: Fucking– Gil! Gil, you’re a piece of shit today! MATT: Aw, Gil. MARISHA: Six. I love you, Gil. LIAM: How far away is where the grapple is hooked from us right now? MATT: It’s about ten feet from you. LIAM: I cast Unseen Servant. Schmidt lifts up the grapple and tosses it free. MATT: Okay. The rope does break, and the grapple bends. The grapple’s not usable anymore. You do remove the evidence, but the grapple’s not usable at the moment. MARISHA: Your lips are getting purple again. TRAVIS: Faces of death. MATT: As you guys pull yourselves away from the vicinity about 45 minutes later as you guys are collecting yourselves eventually the paralysis wears off. LAURA: Oh. MATT: It lasted for an hour total. LAURA: Oh my god. LIAM: Wow. TALIESIN: You had time to think about that. SAM: The chest is trapped. MATT: What are you guys doing? LAURA: We are booking it to try to get to the sewer entrance so we can get back in. MARISHA: It will– I guess– TALIESIN: Wait, yeah. MARISHA: We’ll try and meet up with these guys? LIAM: We need to get to our next target immediately. MARISHA: We need to get to our next target. LAURA: I’ve got the fucking letters. MARISHA: Correct. So they’ll know to meet us there. LIAM: Everybody’s going to the same place. MARISHA: Correct. Let’s get there and then we’ll wait for Jester and Jester. MATT: Yeah. Ulog pulls out a pocket watch and he looks and it and is like “Oh, she better fucking hurry up. Let’s go.” You guys make your way over towards where the High-Richter’s home is. SAM: How is she going to get back in to the– TALIESIN: We can disguise you. MATT: The two of you guys head back– LAURA: Oh yeah, I have the disguise charm. TALIESIN: Well, no, the charm won’t work. MATT: You guys are heading back to where the sewer is, you’re saying? TALIESIN: I was thinking about pushing straight through the front door again. LAURA: You want to try? TALIESIN: I’ve got a coat and a mask. LAURA: Is there another entrance we can go to? MATT: There is another entrance. It’s on the northern side. LAURA: Well, it’ll probably be faster to do that than to go– MATT: Could be. LAURA: Okay. We’ll book it to the other entrance. MATT: Okay, you rush around through the street. You make your way back to the northern gate to the district and there there is another nine or ten guards stationed, with one on the top of the wall with their crossbow ready. LAURA: I’m pristine and sober. MATT: As you approach, “Hey! Sorry, no entry. The gala is tonight.” LAURA: I know. We’re going to the gala. Obviously. TALIESIN: Masked. MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: Because all the checks tonight have been so good. MATT: I know. The rolls have been phenomenal. LAURA: Okay! 18. MATT: 18? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Gives you both a look over. “All right, then.” LAURA: We run as soon as we’re in. MARISHA: How long were we waiting there? Were we waiting long enough to where we can take a short rest? MATT: Yeah. Because of– yeah, you can take a short rest. MARISHA: Fuck yeah. MATT: You get that back. LAURA: I guess I’ll cast Cure Wounds on myself as we’re running. SAM: Short rest? Can we use hit dice? MARISHA: Yes, we can. MATT: So you guys get to use hit dice, they do not. TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. LAURA: Okay, eight points healed. TALIESIN: That’s nice. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Psst, Marisha, how do you tell how many hit dice you have? MARISHA: It is generally your level plus whatever your class is. So I’m 1d8 plus three. TALIESIN: It’s in your short rest button. SAM: It is? MARISHA: Oh no, sorry. I currently have 3d8. TALIESIN: Short rest is down at the bottom. MATT: There you go. LAURA: Okay. So we’re trying to avoid the guard so we don’t get spotted again and get kicked out again. MATT: Yeah. You guys carefully find a space that’s away and out of sight, probably by one of the small fountains on the side and you all sit there and rest for a bit, having drinks. Eventually, you guys manage to catch up with the rest of the group as they’re finishing their short rest. You’ve reconvened, you have your materials. LAURA: That went really well, I think. Did we put everything back in order before we left the room? We did, right? Yes, we did. MARISHA: Yeah, I mean, good enough. The only thing that’s going to be obviously missing is the fucking rug! LAURA: The magical rug. MARISHA: I wasn’t anticipating a rug. But we beat the rug. Get it? We beat the– we beat it. TALIESIN: Is this a thing that really happened? LAURA: Yeah, there was a rug that turned to life and attacked us. MATT: Ulog’s staring at his pocket watch, again looking off at the gala in the distance, is like “All right, if we’re going to fucking do something, let’s do it.” LAURA: Let’s go! We go to the High-Richter’s house. MARISHA: Ulog. How much longer do you think is left of this gala? MATT: “Ah,” and he looks off and is like, “I don’t know. Fuck it. Let’s go now. I can’t wait any longer.” MARISHA: Molly. If the High-Richter tries to come back, you have to drunkenly distract her. Okay? You cannot let her come in this house. SAM: How are we getting into this house? MARISHA: Well, we scouted it before. SAM: Yeah. We found out that there’s a door. MARISHA: And more guards. SAM: But that doesn’t give us a way in. MARISHA: Same plan. Just go with it. SAM: But there’s no trees! MARISHA: Shut up! There is! LAURA and MARISHA: Are there trees? MATT: No. You’re on the outskirts of the home, and you’ve been here once before, this wall is not an iron gate. It’s an actual solid, tall stone and mason wall that’s pretty tight. There’s maybe a three-foot gap between the side of the house, like three or four-foot gap from the side of the house to this. The building is two stories. There is the upper balcony that overlooks the whole exterior of the area before it. There are the two guards at the front. SAM: We need to take them out and go through the front door. LAURA: Maybe– Fjord. TRAVIS: Do you want to look like the High-Richter and walk in without saying anything? SAM: You? LAURA: You want to be a guard and I can look like the High-Richter? TRAVIS: Let’s do it. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: We met the High-Richter before, you know. Yeah. LAURA: Yes. Okay. TRAVIS: Yep, I’ll Disguise Self to look like a crownsguard. LAURA: I cast Disguise Self and look like the High-Richter. MATT: Okay. In what outfit? LAURA: (muttering) Oh, god. MARISHA: She had ceremonial armor– LAURA: Yes, but she was probably going to the gala tonight. MARISHA: That was gold and white ceremonial armor. Yeah, but I’m sure– SAM: Wait, before you do this, why don’t we go to the festival and see what she looks like? MARISHA: We don’t have time. LAURA: There’s no time. LIAM: What if she came home with some crazy outfit? Crazy cloak. LAURA: I’m going to put her in a cloak that looks like it had wine spilled on it. Like, covering up the rest of the outfit, a big– SAM: A white cloak? LAURA: A white cloak that looks like it had red wine spilled down the front. Fjord, you explain to the guards that I’m very pissed off because someone spilled their drink on me. TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: All right. What are the rest of you guys doing? SAM: I’m going to go around and see if there’s any other entrances, or if there’s any other guards around the perimeter. MARISHA: I join Nott. We’ll flank. MATT: Make a perception check with advantage, because they’re helping you on this one. SAM: Okay, seven. MARISHA: What the fuck? MATT: You don’t see any secret entrances, you don’t see any other gates. Looks like the front door is the main way to get in, or over the wall. There is no one watching the back, as it is a solid gate. It seems like the only entrance is from the front, and that’s probably intentional from a defensive standpoint. LIAM: How high is the wall? MATT: The wall is about– let me check real fast. This would be seven-foot. LIAM: Seven foot? Frumpkin’s on top of the wall. What do I see? MATT: You glance down. A small area of wildflower and natural bushes have grown to fill the space in between, where it’s thigh-high. There is a door in the back, near the wall, with a small yard, maybe a ten-foot yard, towards the very back area. There’s a small porch area with nice chair and a little reading nook. There’s a book left outside that looks like it got rained on and forgotten, it’s dried and crinkled. There is a door that leads in from the back of that porch area there. LIAM: Are there any people? MATT: There are no people in the back. MARISHA: You want me to give you a boost? LIAM: Yeah. I relayed that all to them. There’s nobody back there, right? Yeah. Seven feet tall. Easy. MARISHA: Nott, come on, ready? Me and Caleb. One, two, three. SAM: (squeals) MATT: Make an athletics check. Sorry, acrobatics, for you. LAURA: Why are you going in? MARISHA: Just in case? Backup. SAM: 17. MATT: Without even touching the wall, you double-flip in the air and land, ever so silently. You almost land on the book table, causing it to knock over, but you just miss it. You’re there quietly now, there’s the door across the way. What are you guys doing? TRAVIS: We’re going in. LAURA: We’re disguised and we’re walking straight up. MATT: You approach the two guards and they both look at each other. LAURA: I look incredibly angry. TRAVIS: I’m about ten feet in front of her, and I walk up. All right lads, open up. She’s in one of her moods. Had wine spilled all over her. Hurry up! MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: This is it. TRAVIS: 22. MATT: 22. They both go, “Oh, shit. Right in.” TRAVIS: Quickly, I like this detail. Open up. MATT: One pulls out the key unlocks the gate. They open from each side as you rush through. Make a deception check for you as well. LAURA: Just walking?! Why? I’m walking! MATT: With advantage, because you’re dressed as her. SAM: Thank god. Much better. LAURA: That’s 18. MATT: They both go, “Ma'am.” They both pull back, frightened. You go to the front door. It’s locked. SAM: Oh, no. TRAVIS: You fools, open the door. Don’t you see she’s in a state? MATT: One of them rushes forward and unlocks it, glancing out of the side of his eye towards you, shaking. LAURA: I breathe really hard. TRAVIS: I am so sorry, High-Richter. I assure you, this night is almost over. Would you hurry up?! MATT: “Gah!” Opens the door and it throws open. TRAVIS: I follow in behind her. MATT: They close the door quietly behind you. LAURA and TRAVIS: (breathe deeply) LAURA: Is anybody inside the house? MATT: No. It is dark. There is no light source on the inside right now. TRAVIS: I’ve got darkvision. Can I see anything? MATT: It’s low light through the vicinity. You see the interior chamber that is– MARISHA: (hyperventilating) MATT: It is gaudy as fuck in here. You see all the walls have really intricate siding and there’s inset designs that are carved into it, with statues and busts of various elven figures. The main chamber leads to a spiral staircase that leads to the second floor. You see three busts on each side of all these different elven, very regal-looking figures adorning each side. You see around the side of it to the right, there appears to be a dining hall with a long table. (metal hitting the table) SAM: Sorry. MATT: There you go. To the left it, looks like a kitchen vicinity, and there’s the spiral staircase that leads up. TRAVIS: We should go up. LAURA: There were a lot of traps in the last house we were in. MATT: Outside of the wall where you guys are, Ulog’s like, “My turn. Give me a lift?” MARISHA: Fuck. God, are you sure, Ulog? LIAM: You’re going up? MATT: “Are we not going in?” LIAM: I’m going in with her. Kneel down. I’m going to climb up on his back and start to try to climb. MATT: Make an athletics check. LAURA: Why? Why are we adding more things to this? MARISHA: You at least need a rogue. All you need is the rogue. TRAVIS: Don’t have to do it all. LIAM: 17. MATT: 17. You climb up over the wall and get to the very top. He puts his hands up. “Help me.” MARISHA: Ulog. No, Ulog, why don’t we stay? They can plan it. Let’s just fucking stay. MATT: “Because I helped put this together. I want to be here. I want to make sure this happens.” MARISHA: Ulog, listen to me. You are here. You are a part of it, just let them do this. Trust us. MATT: “Understand, she might have paperwork up there that could absolve my wife.” MARISHA: Ulog, this is not the point of why we’re here in the moment. Stay focused. We can get your wife out later. Don’t blow the whole operation because of your wife. MATT: Make a persuasion check. MARISHA: Fuck. SAM: Beau’s got all the persuasion. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s not my thing, you guys. Four total. MATT: He gives you a nice, solid look and goes, “Understood,” and then leaps up onto the wall and off the other side, landing next to Nott. LIAM: Oh, he leaps? I was going to say, seeing that argument, that I dropped down to the ground on the other side. And not help him. MATT: He glances up, sees you gone, and leaps. He barely crests the top. He’s a nimble dwarf. MARISHA: He could cost us everything. TALIESIN: Slightly ahead of the house, so I can see if people are going to be approaching the house, I put my jacket down and set up a little busking. A mild busk. TRAVIS: Jester, I know we have to move, and it’s not our thing, can we roughly check the stairwell for traps? MATT: Make an investigation check. LAURA: Same, I’m looking around. MATT: Make it with advantage. TRAVIS: Natural 20. MATT: As you glance about the space, you can see the statues that are facing each other on each side, it looks like the dust on the pedestal is brushed off in an arc, like they are often rotated. TRAVIS: This is set up to– wait a minute. If we came home, there’s got to be a way to turn it off, right? I mean, if she had walked in, she wouldn’t be trying to look out for the traps. Maybe there’s something by the door jamb or in the wall, or something we can press. LAURA: There was a little brick that turned off all the magic things in the other place, so maybe can I look around on the walls and see if there’s some sort of– TRAVIS: Can we check the door jambs and the walls? LAURA: To see if there’s a trigger to stop all the traps? MATT: Because you rolled a natural 20, you notice that the dust that’s grinding is from the sliding of the statues, and they all seem to slide towards the stairs. If you look where the dust is on them, there’s a slight outcropping on each of them and the position appears like they have been moved many times away– they’re facing each other– to look toward the stairs. LAURA: Let’s turn them. We turn them together. TRAVIS: The same time, one at each. TRAVIS and LAURA: One, two, three. (stone grinding) MATT: As you do that, they both (stone grinding), and you hear this (click) sound. The first two, they shift over towards that, matching the space where the dust had shifted, and you hear a slight click or release sound. TRAVIS: Okay. We head up the stairs. LAURA: Yeah, sure. We start walking to look for her room. MATT: There’s three sets of these. So you do one then the other. TRAVIS: Each one. One, two, three, one two three. MATT: You do it together, all three of them shift, and with each one you hear a click and release. You guys are in the backyard. Are you doing anything? SAM: I’m going to try to open the back door. MATT: The three of you are back there with the lock. LIAM: I cast Detect Magic. MATT: The back door is locked. Make an investigation check, if you’d like. SAM and MATT: Natural 20. MARISHA: It’s coming back around! MATT: I know, look at this! The back door is locked, it is not trapped. SAM: Okay, I will unlock it. Not so good. Nine. MATT: You go and get the tools in there and it gets stuck. SAM: Ulog! Ulog, I need your help. MATT: “Oh, so now you need my help. Perfect.” Yeah, that’ll do it. He goes ahead and takes them from you and then (click), gets it, pulls them out gently, hands them back to you. SAM: Does he come around the back of me? MATT: Like Ghost-style? He does so, but he does so begrudgingly. He’s like (grumbles). He pulls away and quickly gets it, and hands them back to you. “Here you go.” SAM: The pleasure was all mine. MATT: “Ugh.” Opens the door, you guys hear the slight creaking of a doorway down in the second floor as you’re ascending the stairs. LIAM: I grab both of her shoulders and peer in to see if anything glows. MATT: You glance inside. It does not appear anything in the vicinity– It’s a dining room. You can see the opposite side of a long table with chairs. Make a perception check. SAM: At a time like this? TRAVIS: Our front door creaked open when we came in? MATT: No, you heard a door down below. You heard them enter from elsewhere in the building, but you just heard a (creak). MARISHA: Do I still see Frumpkin on the wall? MATT: What? MARISHA: Do I still see Frumpkin on the wall? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: I’m going to try and get Frumpkin’s attention. “Tell Caleb to watch out for Ulog.” MATT: (meows) Jumps down into the back and goes and catches up to you. You glance inside. Nothing magical catches your attention in the chamber. MARISHA: Can Beau be casing and be full-on stealth mode watching for anything? MATT: Yes. Make a stealth check? You, as you begin to set up busking, one of the other guards wandering by comes by, kicks your cards a bit, and goes, “Hey, hey! Move along. No street busking, too late. Gala’s on.” TALIESIN: Oh, no, I’m on break. One on the house? MATT: “I said piss off. Keep moving.” TALIESIN: I’m going to very slowly put my stuff together and fold it all up. MATT: He sits there and watches you do it. TALIESIN: Move around, yeah, but as long as I have an eye on the main thoroughfare. MATT: Okay. What did you roll for stealth? MARISHA: Ten. I’m going to flip my coat to the brown side. MATT: You walk around, as you’re casing the joint, as you’re watching, you keep an eye on the two guards to the front. The two guards are looking out, and one of them makes eye contact with you, and as you walk, he watches you walk, and you realize that moment that you’ve been noticed. MARISHA: I keep walking. MATT: You’re being watched from a distance. LAURA: You’ve been made! MARISHA: I keep walking and I look casual. Do I see any crowded areas? MATT: No, most everybody’s at the gala right now. You can see in the distance, you can see the party’s still going on. The music’s still playing from the distance. There’s still drinking and revelry muffled in the distance, the din of the crowd giving this low (distant cheering). MARISHA: If I get a chance, I want to try and lose him. MATT: He’s not following you. He’s just watching you as you walk. So you’re going to try and move out of his eyesight? MARISHA: I’m going to try and move around, yeah, and move out of his eyesight. MATT: You move out of his eyesight. MARISHA: Anything? Do I notice any following me? MATT: Perception check. MARISHA: Balls. TRAVIS: Not today. MARISHA: Ten again. MATT: Nothing seems to catch your eye, no one following you. You guys, you heard the creak from downstairs. What are you doing? LAURA: What’s that? Do you think somebody just got home? TRAVIS: We’ve got to keep going. We can’t stop now. LAURA: Okay. We keep looking for traps up on the top floor and looking for a bedroom. MATT: You head to the top floor. Investigation check, both of you. You guys, what are you doing? LIAM: What do we see? What do we see where we are? MATT: There’s a long dining room table with chairs set up. LIAM: Doors out of here? MATT: It leads out into a foyer area. TRAVIS: 19 investigation. LAURA: Nice, 15 for me. MATT: You get to the second floor. There’s a small landing and a singular door. The door does not appear to be locked or trapped. SAM: Want to send Frumpkin in? LIAM: No. We move forward. You ten feet in front of me. I will look for magic, you will look for physical obstacles. Here we go. SAM: Great. Let’s go. (chanting) Checking for traps. LIAM: (chanting) Checking for magic. MARISHA: Checking for traps, checking for traps. MATT: As you guys head through the dining area into the main foyer, you see there is the hallway that leads into the kitchen, the staircase that spirals upward, and these statues that are all facing towards the stairs. The statues give off a magical glow, and you hear the sound of a (creak) upstairs, a door slowly creaking open. As you guys look into the chamber, as the door swings open, you see a darkened bedroom, equally gaudy as the rest of the house. You can see along the walls there are portraits of men, human, different ages, that are all lining it. SAM: It’s One Direction. LIAM: No! MATT: You can there’s a small chamber, an archway that leads into a washroom. You can see an ivory basin that’s barely visible from the little bit the moonlight that’s coming through, a gable window on the opposite side of the chamber. LAURA: What’s a gable window? SAM: I think you have one at your house. In your kitchen? LAURA: Okay. MATT: It protrudes a bit, arcs, then ends there. In the center of where that gable window is, there’s– LIAM: A kraken. MATT: A roller desk. The front has been rolled shut. There’s a door on each side of the gable window that leads to the balcony that you saw before, that looks over everything. It’s a giant glass window that looks out over the city. It has a beautiful view of the Tri-Spires and the gala in the distance. You can see the light emanating over the dark night sky. LAURA: This might be a good place to leave the letter. LIAM: Can you message the others? MATT: There is a large bed, and floor itself is covered in tiger and animal skins as a means of decor in the space. The walls themselves are a faint gray-blue velvet texture. It’s terrible. That’s what you have in front of you. LAURA: Should we look for traps in here? TRAVIS: Yeah, one more time. LAURA: One more time, we’re looking for more traps. TRAVIS: Anything that’s an obvious trap in the bedroom. LIAM: We’re moving through the foyer. SAM: I cast Message upstairs blindly, not knowing where they are, saying: we’re in the house, we’re coming up to help you. You can, of course, reply to this message. MARISHA: Oh my god, you’re on fire! TRAVIS: 23 investigation. LAURA: Nice. I rolled a 12 investigation. I respond, and I say: We’re upstairs in her bedroom or office or something. SAM: They’re upstairs! Let’s go! Ulog, they’re not upstairs. MATT: “Right.” You guys all head up the stairs together as a group. Perception check on both your guys’ points. SAM: Oh, shit. LIAM: Girl! TALIESIN: Nope. MARISHA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Seven. MARISHA: Oh, did you see it?! LAURA: Oh god, these lookouts! SAM: Everyone thinks that Matt is managing three storylines right now, but there’s actually a fourth that we don’t even know about. MARISHA: Five. MATT: Five. TALIESIN: Seven. MATT: Okay. You guys keep an eye out in the vicinity. Nothing seems to pique your interest. MARISHA: I switch my robe. MATT: Again? Okay. Good to know. All right. You guys check around. There are no traps in the vicinity. You do, as you approach the roller desk, it is locked. There is like an actual keyhole and there is something that is meant to unlock the desk. TRAVIS: Fuck. There’s a key. LIAM: Nott and Caleb are still going up the stairs. MATT: Yeah. And Ulog– you guys all come up to the landing and you can see the door inside. Nothing magical in the vicinity other than what you guys have on yourselves. LAURA: I feel along the edge under her mattress and see if I can feel any keys. TRAVIS: Can I reach underneath the desk and behind it? Underneath it. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. SAM: Yeah, grope that desk. LAURA: Anything she’s like stuck– TRAVIS: 17. SAM: Yes, look at you! MATT: Reaching around the desk, there’s no tricks, no trips, no buttons or anything. You’re looking through the bed? LAURA: I’m reaching under her mattress and seeing if she’s stuck anything between. MATT: Make an investigation check. LAURA: Natural 20! (cheering) TALIESIN: You know what kind of fold she uses in her undersheet. It’s like that. MATT: Nice. Reaching underneath, you find a hard object, a binding, and you pull– it’s a book. You slowly pull it out and take a look at it. SAM: (whispers) Tusk Love! LAURA: (laughs) Volume one. MATT: No. It’s a familiar leather tome that was an illegal story that was previously presented to you in a smut bookstore that had been hidden in the cushions of the bed. It has a place marker about two thirds of the way through. LAURA: Oh, she’s naughty. MATT: Ulog at this point is looking about the room as well. He rushes over to the desk where you are and he goes, “Don’t worry, I got this.” He’s going to go ahead and attempt to pick the lock on that. LIAM: Have the vagrants caught up yet? MATT: Yeah, you guys have all caught up. You’re in the room now. LIAM: Detect Magic wipe in this room. MATT: As you glance through, there is a faint magical essence that begins to appear from the desk as Ulog (click) opens it. It slides open and you see a faint glow from a small case about that large sitting on the desk. LIAM: Leave that box, that case, that box, be careful. MATT: “That’s fine.” He starts– LIAM: No, it’s not fine! MATT: No, he’s going through paperwork. SAM: Oh. MATT: He’s grabbing books and he’s starting to thumb through– TRAVIS: The priority is the letter. Let’s start getting that paperwork. LAURA: I run over with the letter and can we put it in her desk to hide it? The sealed letter. MATT: Yeah. Go ahead and place the letter in there. SAM: Should I open the little box again? LAURA: Oh, is there a fireplace? MATT: There is no fireplace in this room. SAM: Schmidt! TRAVIS: Aren’t we supposed to toss the room, aren’t we supposed to make it– no, we’re coming in and out, so– LAURA: Is there a wastebasket? MATT: You don’t see a wastebasket necessarily, no. There’s a small, almost like a pot of some kind that is set next to the desk that looks like it might be used as a receptacle occasionally. MARISHA: Oh yeah, like a bedside pot. LIAM: What is the type of magic emanating from the case? MATT: That would be evocation. LIAM: Evo– (gasp) that’s bad. TRAVIS: Let’s leave it alone. Let’s get the letters in and the seals. Let’s place it all. MATT: Make an intelligence check. SAM: Suspense! LIAM: 18. MATT: 18. While the shape is not familiar to you, the size and the length of it, you’ve seen these type of cases before. They’re usually used to contain important rolled pieces of parchment, specifically those that need to be protected from the elements because they contain enchantments on them. This is a scroll case. SAM: Ooh! (taps feet rapidly) Take it! Take it! MARISHA: No trace. Leave no trace! TRAVIS: What are you doing? MARISHA: God no, god! MATT: Ulog is going through papers frantically and like searching through. He’s going to make an investigation check. MARISHA: No, don’t fucking compromise everything! LAURA: Caleb, I swear to fucking gods. TRAVIS: Come on, the letters. LAURA: Okay, I’ll take the– oh! I’m going to take the torn piece and hide it under her bed. Then I have the letter left, the Knights of Requital letter. Where should I put this? TRAVIS: I mean, right on the desk, right? We should put it right there. LAURA: On the desk as well? No, we should scatter it around so that if certain things don’t get found– is there any other good place like, in her bedside tables or anything like that? MATT: There looks like a space there, it’s a table, it doesn’t have a drawer or anything, it’s just a table you can hide something on or put something underneath. LAURA: Is there clutter on the desk at all, or decorations and stuff? MATT: A faint bit; there’s like a candle and a small piece of clockwork. LAURA: I’ll fold up the Knights of Requital letter and hide it under her clock. MATT: Okay. At that point, Ulog goes– LAURA: Leave a little bit showing in the back, so that someone could find if they’re investigating. MATT: Right. There’s another thing that you see there. There is a small box that is wrapped in silver cord that is resting on the desk on top of a stack of books. TRAVIS: We’ve seen those cords before. Do not touch that! LIAM: Also, there is no other magic around this room in the walls or anything, right? MATT: Not at the moment. LIAM: You’ve indicated everything that’s here. MATT: Everything that you’ve seen, yes. LAURA: Are there any windows? MATT: There are giant gable windows. You have the most beautiful view of the city. LAURA: Can we see anything out the window? Is anybody coming, is– MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Does it look like the gala is ending? SAM: Do they open, or are they picture windows? Wow. LAURA: Perception check? MATT: Yes. LAURA: 21. MATT: Okay. Well, first off, Ulog at this point is going through and he goes, “I found it!” He’s reading through and he’s like frantically going through the words. “That fucking bitch.” SAM: What does it say? MATT: He starts reading out loud as you’re glancing over. He says, “These are the notes on Illiana’s case. Saying that she wanted to show that even the most unassuming dwarf can be a cutthroat. She admits that she was innocent, but did it anyway just to set an example.” LAURA: So we can show this as evidence. MATT: He takes it and folds it. “Oh yeah, we can.” He holds it in his hand. As you glance over to the side, you can see the front gate (creak) open. Sorry, you see it close. (clink) You hear the sound. You guys hear this as well, though you were trying to keep an eye over there, you totally found yourself spacing a bit and didn’t notice something shifting towards the door. TALIESIN: As I’m walking away from the house, I start singing loudly, drunkenly (singing) I saw the moon in old, in the darkness. LAURA: Somebody just got home! TRAVIS: We got to get out of here. Let’s go! TALIESIN: I’m going to sing loudly as I’m slowly drunkenly making my way. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: We laid the letters. Touch nothing! Let’s go! LAURA: Run, run! MATT: “Is it all set?” LAURA: Everything’s set! Run! Out the back door! MATT: “Out the back door. All right.” You guys all heading outside? TRAVIS: I’m the last one to leave the room. LIAM: Yeah I grab the scroll case– MARISHA and TRAVIS: No! TRAVIS: I summon the falchion. I hold it right up to his throat. LIAM: You have to detect that I did it. TRAVIS: Did you reach for it? LIAM: Of course I did. TRAVIS: I was the last one out of the room. Put it back. MATT: Make a perception– LIAM: Are you in the room? TRAVIS: Yes! I was up here first! MATT: Hold on. Make a perception check. Make a sleight of hand check. That’s what this is for. TRAVIS: I said I was the last one in that room. MATT: You were. LIAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Fuck. 13. LIAM: Eight. MATT: Eight? You notice him go for it. TRAVIS: (whoosh) Leave no trace. LIAM: No, I’m taking this. TRAVIS: Put it back, or I’ll– LIAM: I’m taking this. This isn’t worth my time, I’m taking this! TRAVIS: Put it down, or I’ll leave you here– SAM: I pull out my hand crossbow and I point it at Fjord. Fjord, put that fucking thing down! TRAVIS: (buzzing sound) My hand starts to glow with Eldritch Blast energy. I will fucking leave both of you here. We’re either a team, or you’re working for yourselves. Decide. MATT: You guys are all watching this from the landing. LIAM: I walk out. LAURA: Somebody’s coming. MATT: As you all slowly come to rest and look back, and Caleb, as you walk out, you stop at the landing next to Ulog, and Beau– oh sorry, you’re not there. You stop next to Ulog as, right there at the bottom of the stairs looking up, you see, in a very beautiful, elegant, dark green dress, the High-Richter Prucine. “Hmm. My, my. I’m glad I forgot my gift, or I would have missed you reprobates breaking and entering the home of a High-Richter. I believe that carries a life sentence in the Umber Dungeon, wouldn’t you say? If I might ask, what are you looking for? You have my curiosity piqued.” There’s a brief pause, as you’re all glancing down. Ulog holds up the paper in his hand, and he goes, “You. You put my wife in chains and you know she’s innocent! We got proof now! It’s over for you.” She chuckles and scoffs as she falls onto her back leg. “And how do you plan to deliver it? Curious. You think my home won’t be swarming with guards in a few minutes?” She pulls a brass bell out from under her pouch and rings it outside– LAURA: No– I was going to say I cast Guiding Bolt at her, but– MATT: It’s such a fast moment, if you didn’t have anything prepared, it happens too quickly. You’re like “ah!” and the bell rings. “You, stump sucker. I’ll bleed over the extra years of your sentence into your wife’s. That way you can both rot together on opposite sides of the dungeon.” Ulog looks at you all like, absolute fury and sadness in his eyes. You see like tears down his cheek. LAURA: (whispers) Oh, I had it! Shitballs! TALIESIN: Hold Person? LAURA: Yeah, I had it prepared, and that’s what I wanted to cast. (fake sobs) MATT: He goes and takes the paper in his hand and puts it in your arm, Caleb, making eye contact with you, and goes, “Promise me you’ll see her freed, friend.” LAURA: I cast Hold Person on her! MATT: On her? LAURA: I’m just going to do it. TRAVIS: Yeah, do it anyway! MATT: All righty. Natural 20. She resists it. She goes, “What are you trying–” and Ulog goes, (roars) grabs towards his neck and runs, leaps off the stairs towards her and attempts to tackle her. LAURA: We should take off while he does it. MATT: You watch– yeah. He goes and (boof)! She falls onto the ground and onto the landing of the spiral staircase. They both slide a moment. You watch as she goes, “What are you–” and he grabs and pulls that orange-ish bead that he had on his necklace and slams it into her mouth and holds it over. There’s a moment of tension before– (explosion) A flash of white, fiery, burning light explodes, a fireball sundering the interior of the staircase. You all have your ears ringing. The pain’s there. The ones that are closest by would have been you, Caleb; I need you to roll a dexterity saving throw, please. SAM: (whispers) It was a suicide! LIAM: Seven. MATT: That’s a failure. TRAVIS: Oh my god. MATT: Thankfully a shitty roll for you. That is 21 points of fire damage. LIAM: Unconscious. MATT: Caleb goes unconscious onto the ground. As you guys all come to in the moment, you look down at the middle of the staircase: the walls are blackened, the staircase is currently in the process of burning, and down, you see the twisted, gnarled corpses of both Ulog and the High-Richter Prucine. LAURA: (gasps) We have to get out of here! TRAVIS: Yeah, we got to go. MATT: You hear (boom). TRAVIS: Jester, help me! We start backing up, yeah. LAURA: I run down, I grab Caleb, and we run out the back door. MATT: As you head down the stairway, you can see the front door being hit from the opposite side. MARISHA: What do me and Molly see? MATT: You guys watch this flash of light. The glass windows shatter outward from the balcony. The two guards at the bottom go, “Uh!” They quickly throw open the gate and are now currently slamming themselves trying to barricade into the door. MARISHA: To the back! TALIESIN: Yeah. We’re going to start flanking to the back. MATT: Okay. As you guys are rushing, make a perception check. TRAVIS: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Natural 20. MARISHA: 19. TALIESIN and LAURA: Finally. MATT: Okay. As you guys are rushing, you suddenly hear this very loud, high-pitched whine sound. You’re like (pained sound). It causes your head to– and you, especially glance over as you begin to surmise the direction, you look past and you can see the Tri-Spires there. In the direction, you see the mighty Zauber Spire, of the Halls of Erudition there in the distance, and you see there this growing, black, spherical mass beginning to emerge from the side of the lower third of the tower. You watch as it expands, the whining gets louder and louder. TALIESIN: I’m going to take cover. MATT: You hear this crack sound as the black sphere suddenly folds into nothing, and where it was, you see all the stone that made that part of the tower collapse, crush, and then stumble. The tower begins to slowly shift, as you hear in the distance screams echoing around. The music stops. The attention of the guards suddenly shift over from the banging door to the tower crumbling. You watch as the tower– suddenly there’s a flash of blue light, and the tower stops. You see a brief shift of a force field on the bottom that holds it in place, partially collapsed. You see two figures take off from the top. SAM: What is going on?! MARISHA: What are the figures?! MATT: You see two other figures leap out of the hole from where the explosion, weird black sphere was at the base of it, and leap down about 35-40 feet, below the tree line. You see the two figures begin coasting, flying through the air in the direction where they were, as bolts of energy start arcing out of their hands towards where those two other figures fell. The screams are getting louder now and you can see now the guards are starting to rush out of the various street corners. You guys are rushing around– you were rushing towards the back, and then slowed as this started happening. It’s distracting you. You guys start hearing this cacophony outside as you rush through the back door. You get to the back wall. What are you doing? MARISHA: There’s something bigger going on other than us. TALIESIN: We’ve got to get out of here. TRAVIS: Caleb’s unconscious; we’ve got to get him out. MARISHA: I try and– LAURA: I don’t have any spells left! TRAVIS: I have a healing potion, I’ll put it in Caleb’s mouth. MARISHA: I try and get that back door open and try and get them out. MATT: You get that door open, you guys start rushing out there, you heal up Caleb. You come to consciousness being dragged, your feet grinding. LIAM: I was doing death saves and it was not going well. Just for shits and giggles! (laughter) SAM: Alone upstairs, I pick up the scrolls and put them in my pocket. MARISHA: I mean, the house is on fire now. God damn. SAM: I’m going to open the gable windows, if they open, and jump out them. MATT: Well, the windows are shattered, the explosion– SAM: I jump out the windows and scatter as far as I can. MATT: Make an acrobatics check followed by a stealth check. MARISHA: Holy shit. SAM: Ooh, acrobatics, not great. Ten. Stealth, 16. MATT: Well, you reduce the damage you take by one die, so you only take two points of bludgeoning damage. As you land, your ankle twists, and you tumble and roll and get up. What’s your stealth check? SAM: 16. MATT: Using the chaos that way and the guards that are now out in the middle of the street, you land behind them. One of them goes to turn in your direction, and you dart behind the wall, leap over the side and arc around to meet the rest of the party, as you all slowly begin to climb over the back wall, where Beau and Molly are waiting for you. TALIESIN: We’ve got to get out of here. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: That went so bad! MARISHA: I think we were a bigger distraction. SAM: What’s going on? MARISHA: I think there’s something else going. SAM: Did we do this?! MARISHA: No, we didn’t! SAM: It’s Molly, isn’t it? Molly did it! LAURA: We’re running to the sewers! MATT: Running to the sewers? Everyone make a stealth check as you’re trying to make your way through there. People are now starting to run back to their homes, you can see people running and screaming now, dressed in full attire for the gala, leaving their masks behind, screaming bloody murder. TRAVIS: 15. LAURA: Five. MARISHA: 12. LIAM: Five. SAM: 19. TALIESIN: 14. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Give it to me! TRAVIS: Bunch of teens and a five! MATT: I know, that’s okay. So a couple of bad rolls, but for the most part, you guys averaged okay. Thankfully with the chaos, and the way you are dressed, you manage to push through and mingle well, it wasn’t too hard. You make your way through the town, you can see the tower still being held in place and the two figures that you saw gliding before? As this is happening, and you’re rushing through, you see a few other bolts hit, a large bolt of lightning grind down in the distance, before eventually they both begin to peer over and are now looking up and down the streets. As you make your way back towards the alley, over by where the gala is, you see a shadowed figure dart out from behind, and a bolt of lightning strike. There’s a detonation of burned ozone as the figure falls to the ground, smoking. MARISHA: I go over to the figure, I go over to the figure. MATT: As you walk over to the figure, you see one of the flying entities floating down. You can see now this robed mage figure, with a staff in hand, wearing a large ornamental mantle, long grayish hair, is now gliding down in the direction of the dark figure of the ground. SAM: Male or female? MATT: Male. LAURA: Steer clear of lightning people! MATT: Yeah, you guys see this as you come around– LIAM: Age? MATT: The age roughly, from this distance from what you can see, its later. Older age, 70s human, if human, but you can’t quite get the details. It starts shouting, “One has fallen. Find the other,” and coasts back off, doing a pass, looking through the various streets. MARISHA: Once he’s gone, can I wait to– MATT: Well, the guards have rushed forwards and grabbed the body and are now dragging it back towards the tower. MARISHA: What does that body look like, though? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Come on. MARISHA: Big money– (screams in anger). Fucking shit, what is with these fucking rolls! 18. Sorry, sorry, no, that’s super wrong. MATT: Aw, 18! MARISHA: I saw an 8 and I was adding shit! 11, sorry, 11. MATT: All you can see is the cloak. The cloak is blocking most of the body, you see a hand behind that’s like a leather gauntlet except for fingers exposed. The fingers appear to be– the glove or design of it are almost like they were dipped in blue. Like there’s some sort of a blue tipped glove as its dragged back. That’s all the details you can make out, unfortunately, as it’s being pulled away off the street. The guards are now swarming, people are trying to get back to their houses. People are swarming the gate out of the Tri-Spire, and the guards are trying to hold them back, calm them down, and it’s nearing a riot at this point. You guys make your way over to the edge of the sewers, begin to look around for a moment where nobody’s watching, and one by one make your way down into the darkness, closing it behind you. As you all get down into the quiet of the underground, there’s a moment where you can hear the distant muffling of movement. Footsteps, making their way back and forth across the alleyway, other yells and screams, information in the distance, far too far away for you to make out the details of what’s being said. What do you do? TRAVIS: Those men were flying! MARISHA: Those men were super powerful. SAM: We need to get far away from here. LAURA: We need to get back to the other side. Oh my gosh. MARISHA: Who were they targeting? LAURA: They were targeting– I don’t know! LIAM: Not us. LAURA: Are you sure they weren’t looking for us? LIAM: No, I don’t think so. TALIESIN: This was something entirely different. LIAM: We need to go find a shitty place and lay low. MARISHA: He was in blue, his gauntlets were dipped in blue. LAURA: Like the Cobalt people? TRAVIS: Let’s get back to the Leaky Tap. We’ve seen the power of the Dwendalian Empire. That was more than anything I’ve ever seen, we’ve got to get back. LAURA: I’ve never seen someone fly before. TRAVIS: Neither have I. Lightning, it turned him almost into ash. Let’s get back, we can talk about it when we’re in our rooms safe. LAURA: The High-Richter’s dead, you guys. That wasn’t part of the plan! SAM: And Ulog too. I think I was sort of mean to him. TALIESIN: What happened? MARISHA: I tried to get Ulog to stay and he didn’t listen. TRAVIS: Ulog sacrificed himself. He killed himself and the Richter. MATT: Caleb, at this point you glance down and you’re still clutching, in your fingers– LIAM: The stone? MATT: No, the paper that Ulog left behind. LIAM: Oh. MATT: Are you guys making your way back? TRAVIS: Hell yeah. MATT: You’re heading back through the sewers the direction you came. LIAM: We are walking away. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Be aware of the rat balloons. MATT: Barely sneaking away from the insanity of the district, you walk through the darkened sewers down the same familiar path that you walked to make your exit, coming up on one of the false junctions, where the left side of it is partially collapsed but the right side continues to where the T-section is. Beauregard, Caleb and Molly and Jester, because you guys all have the higher passive perceptions, you begin to notice this area where there’s no water that drains down the centre groove of this part, you see spatters of liquid. LAURA: Does it look dark? LIAM: What is it? MATT: Well, there’s no light in here currently. LIAM: Ah. (foomph), Dancing Lights. MATT: Dancing Lights open up the area here as you hit the intersection. You see it is dark and red. MARISHA: Blood. MATT: It is spatters of blood, and as you glance up right there at the intersection, you see a figure, one hand against the wall, breathing heavily. You glance towards it and take a moment as the light globes are now shifting out to light the space. You see a humanoid figure, seemingly male in outline, adorned in jet black, almost insect-like leather armour that protrudes in large sweeping hooks at the joints - the elbow joints, the shoulders. A helmet that’s form-fit black leather and onyx studs wraps around their head. It looks demonic, the brow plate sweeping backwards into rear facing horns. Their other hand is dangling, clutching a cannonball-sized, twelve-sided dodecahedron shape, about that big, that has a handle on each side. It’s emitting a dull undulating grey glow. TRAVIS: I cast Armor of Agathys on myself. MATT: As you cast Armor of Agathys on yourself, the figure, which you now see is the source of the blood, looks heavily wounded and is breathing heavily. The lights now up, its head (creaks) turns towards you and you hear a voice say (guttural speech). Does anybody here speak Undercommon? TRAVIS: Undercommon, anyone? LIAM: I cast Comprehend Languages. MATT: What are the components of that one? LIAM: That is verbal, somatic, and material. A pinch of soot of salt which I throw out in front of me. MATT: As you begin to make the incantation, the figure pulls their hand away and draws this horrible, gnarly-looking hooked blade from the sheath, and goes (snarls) and rushes in towards you. And that’s where we’re going to pick up next week. (yelling) TALIESIN: No! LAURA: Everything went to shit! TRAVIS: It went perfectly, ha! MARISHA: That was a Crick! SAM: What’s a Crick? LIAM: People from Xhorhas! SAM: I thought that was a story. LIAM: No! MARISHA: Crick assassins! LIAM: Trust the porn! ALL: Trust the porn! MATT: Always trust the porn. MARISHA: Edubation! That’s why! SAM: I should’ve been more edubated. TALIESIN: You would be doing better if you edubated every night. MATT: There were a few chances for you guys to see High-Richter Prucine arriving, but you kept rolling low perception on the outside– MARISHA: They were fucking balls! MATT: –and I was like, “All right she’s going to get the drop on you guys.” There were so many different ways that could’ve gone. But it made for an interesting story! TALIESIN: That was a clusterfuck. That was amazing. You’re all terrible people. LIAM: Edubate once a day. LAURA: Oh my gosh. SAM: What?! The Crick– LIAM: Oh Fjord, it is over. Bromance is over! TALIESIN: I cannot wait for this shit! I am in this shit! Finally, I’m so excited. MATT: Aw, man. LAURA: It’s so good. MATT: Guys, that was awesome, well done. TRAVIS: And Nott took it anyway! MARISHA: I know, she did! LIAM: She’s dead. The owner is dead. MARISHA: Well, now! At the moment, though, there’s no excuse. MATT: They don’t trust people that don’t look trustworthy like you, Molly. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. MARISHA: Of course. Doesn’t mean they’re not shitty selfish ones. LIAM: They are shitty selfish ones. MATT: All righty guys, thank you so much for watching. We’ll pick this up next week on Thursday. Talks Machina next week on Tuesday about this episode. Look forward to seeing you guys who are coming to C2E2. Until then, have a wonderful night, have a wonderful weekend, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [no audio] [music] MATT: Hello, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. Before we jump into tonight’s game, we have some quick announcements to get over, but welcome regardless. LAURA: To get over? MATT: To get over the announcements, you know, to make it work. First and foremost, we have our fantastic returning sponsor for tonight, our friends for this campaign, D&D Beyond. ALL: D&D Beyond! MATT: They’ve been awesome and, Sam, you have a few things to say? SAM: I’m ready. In honor of our impending trip to Chicago, I’m dedicating this ad for D&D Beyond to the Second City. One disclaimer: like all accents I do, my Chicago accent is “harrible.” (laughter) SAM: (in Chicago accent) Hey there, Grabowskis. Everybody from Wrigleyville to Lincoln Park is talking about the D&D Beyond. Whether you’re checking out the Bean, riding the Red Line, or getting a pop at a Blackhawks game, you’re always thinking about the Dungeons and the Dragons, and right now, if you enable content sharing on the D&D Beyond and one of your pals has a Master Tier subscription, your whole campaign crew can share all the materials and the content, not just the DM. Anybody with a Master subscription can do it, so jump on the “L,” take the Eisenhower to the Kennedy, throw back a PBR or a 312 and grab a deep dish on me, because life just got a little better with the D&D Beyond. Oh, and don’t forget to call dibs on the Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes, out next month. Pre-order yours on the D&D Beyond site and get all kinds of exclusive stuff and junk. Go Bears! MATT: Nailed it. Nailed it in one. Thank you, Sam, and thank you, awesome folks at D&D Beyond. LAURA: And sorry, Chicago. SAM: Sausage! MATT: There’s a lot of options, lot of– TALIESIN: Make sure Sam exits the plane first. Sam exits the plane first. MATT: All right. Moving on. Reminder, if you have Amazon Prime, you can go ahead and combine that with your Twitch account for Twitch Prime, which allows you to subscribe, for free, to a Twitch channel of your choice every month. It doesn’t cost you anything and you get to support your favorite channel out there, so check it out if you haven’t yet. Critical Recap of course is now available. Our fantastic Dani Carr hosts a recap of the campaign two so far. It updates every week with the episodes. If you haven’t seen the one that was earlier today, actually at the start of the art reel, well, you’re probably going to be out of place if you didn’t watch last episode, but you can check out recaps or send it to your friends who want to get updated into the campaign quickly and watch live with us, if they want to, to check out Critical Recap. Talks Machina, our talk after-show about this show is every Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific, and the episode about tonight’s episode will be next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific time. Our fantastic host, Brian W. Foster, and a few of us will be there to join and talk about the events of this evening, so check it out then on Twitch and Project Alpha. We are, of course, all leaving tomorrow to fly to the fantastic city of Chicago for C2E2, so looking forward to seeing a bunch of you Critters out there for that. We’ll have panels and signings, it’s going to be great. We’re excited, and we’ll see you guys there in a couple days. LAURA: Maybe have chosen too many dice tonight. TRAVIS: What were the words you just used? LAURA: I just– okay. SAM: There’s no such thing! TRAVIS: There’s hope. MATT: Vox Machina: Origins, issue six, the last comic of this six-issue run, finishes soon. The date is April 18th. April 18th will be the release of the final issue of this arc. SAM: We all die in it. MATT: Spoilers. Yeah, it’s a bit anachronistic with the campaign, it’s weird. The print edition will be available as an anthology of the entire six-issue run soon. We’ll have details on that as soon as they’re available, but on April 18th, check out the final issue of the run. I hope you enjoy it. All right, let’s see. Other than that, we have a fantastic charity, 826LA. Definitely check it out if you haven’t had a chance. 826 is all over the country. They do great work for teaching creative writing for young adults and children. They do fantastic work. Check it out if you haven’t. See if you can volunteer, or if not, help donate. They’re amazing. And I believe that’s all for tonight’s update, which means that brings us to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] (laughter) MATT: And welcome back. So, last we left off, the Mighty Nein had gotten themselves involved in a number of various factions in the city of Zadash and decided to buy in to aid the Knights of Requital in their attempt to get one of the various powerful lords of the city and the High-Richter, both seemingly corrupt individuals, ousted. You had planned forgeries that you were going to place in their homes at night during an offsite gala in the Tri-Spires, not too far from where your breaking and entering was to occur. Bringing Ulog along, one of the members of the Knights of Requital, you snuck into Lord Sutan’s house, managed to avoid a number of the pitfalls, traps, and contents within, going straight to the bedroom, where you battled the Rug of Smothering, knocking a couple of you out, but found within a couple of interesting items that you gathered, and the wax seal you needed to complete the forgeries to make this loop come together. From there, you immediately went across over to the High-Richter’s home. You managed to– well, the two of you managed to obscure yourselves to look like the High-Richter and one of her guards, went right into the abode. The rest of you met from the outside, and within the interior of the bedroom, you discovered Ulog had found papers that proved that his wife was innocent and that the High-Richter was basically making an example out of her, as well as discovering a scroll case that led to a brief confrontation. After placing the document required, you went to leave right as the High-Richter seemed to have arrived. She had a seemingly confident demeanor as she rung the bell for her guards, and at that moment, Ulog, realizing that this was his chance to get vengeance when no one else was taking a stand, rushed her, placed a bead within her mouth that caused a Fireball to detonate, killing them both, destroying most of the torso of the High-Richter and Ulog together. At that point, you all began to radically find a way to flee; the window shattered out from the gable windows at the top floor. You heard the guards trying to bash in the front door to make their way in. After fleeing outside, you heard this strange sound as this large, dark sphere seemed to emerge from the distant Zauber Spire of the Halls of Erudition. It seemed to collapse in itself, causing the base of the tower to lose structure, and it began to tip over, stopping midway, seemingly by some sort of force field holding it in place. You watched as two darkened figures leapt from the tower, while two other ones began to glide off the top of the tower, firing bolts of energy in various forms of magical attack in their direction. Using the chaos, you all fled through the night, darkness, back towards the sewers where you came. You managed to watch one of the two dark figures be slaughtered on the street and be gathered by some shaded, older figure who was one of the flying mages who was giving chase. You all ducked down into the sewer system, and began to notice a trail of blood amongst the dried sewer run. Putting some lights up ahead of you at this intersection, which you had been previously before, you immediately noticed there was a darkened figure of black leather armor with various horns and hooks at the joints, chitinous insect-like in its appearance. The creature seemed to notice your presence and called out in a language you couldn’t understand. In an attempt to cast a spell to understand the language, the creature seemed to deem it as an aggressive stance and then rushed you. And that’s where we left off, so to begin, I’d like you all to roll initiative. ALL: No! LAURA: That was so fast! TRAVIS: I am ready, my body is ready. LAURA: Oh no, I chose poorly. SAM: Yes, you did. You rushed the process. LAURA: I did. MATT: All right, so, 25 to 20? MARISHA: 21. MATT: 21? All right. Let’s see here. 20 to 15? LAURA: Oh no. MATT: 15 to ten? TALIESIN: 14. SAM: 11. LIAM: 11. MATT: All right, so we have Molly, then we have Caleb and Nott together. All right. Who’s next? I guess I should say. What’d you roll? All righty. At the top, we’ve got Jester. TRAVIS: Even in love, we are close. Wait, in game. In love? Fuck it. MATT: All right. So. Top of the combat round, as it pulls its jagged blade out of its side and darts forward in the direction of the group, Beau, you actually have the first reaction. Seeing this happen, you immediately jump into action, and what’s your turn? MARISHA: Anyone speak Dark-Shady-Guy-in-a-Sewer? MATT: Don’t have time to react. What are you doing? MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to get out the rope and climbing hook that I had from earlier, and I’m going to say, Jester, catch! Oh, wait, you’re super last. Okay, never mind. I’m going to rush to him and see if I can– MATT: You look over at Jester, who is holding Caleb up and is not even paying attention. You’re like, “Shit!” MARISHA: I’m going to rush to him and see if I can grapple? I’m so bad at grappling. TRAVIS: Are you? Is it strength-based? Oh. MATT: It’s athletics-based. MARISHA: My athletics is okay. TRAVIS: That’s not bad. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to see if I can take the grappling hook and swing it around and grapple. MATT: All righty. So go ahead and make your athletics check. MARISHA: Okay, big money. Okay, that’s all right. 16. MATT: You actually beat him. Wow. That was a five plus ten on that one. That was a 15. So you wrap the rope around and, immediately, it’s grappled in place, unable to move. Although its arms are free, it cannot seem to pull itself away from you. So that’s your action– that’s your attack. MARISHA: I’m going to see if I can do a blow to his temple with my elbow. MATT: Go for it. Roll for an attack. MARISHA: This is just an off-handed attack, right? 16. MATT: 16 does not hit. You swing, and the head ducks out of the way. It swings wide and it glides against the edge of the leather mask, but makes no impact. TRAVIS: 16 does not hit? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: 16 does not hit. MATT: All right, that ends your turn, Beau. TRAVIS: Did you hear that? SAM: No, none of it. TRAVIS: It’s very important. SAM: Did Beau make out with the Crick? TRAVIS: 16 does not hit. LAURA: 16 doesn’t hit him? MARISHA: I’ve got him wrapped and grappled. SAM: Wow, that was fast. MATT: The dark figure, arm looking at you, and looking out in the middle of the space, concentrates for a second, puts its hand without the blade in it– actually, it would be this one, because it’s right-handed– focuses for a second. As it does, you watch as this tiny bead of darkness appears in the center of the area and expands until a sphere of pitch-black light completely engulfs this space, and none of you can see into it or past it. You are blind within this sphere, and you guys see the whole hallway, it consumes the creature and Beau. TRAVIS: Neat trick. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: Yeah, darkvision in that is still blind if you go in there, right? MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Oh, fuck. LAURA: Oh no. We could hit Beau. TRAVIS: We’re going to. MATT: That’s going to end its turn. That brings us to Molly. TALIESIN: I’m going to head up to the other side of the void. Yeah, I’m going to sit there. I’m going to start one of the blades up, and I’m going to hold my attack for anything that crosses my path. MATT: Okay. So if anything comes within range that you want to attack– TALIESIN: Actually, I’ll say the minute I see something, it’s Vicious Mockery. MATT: The minute you see something, Vicious Mockery, got it. Okay, all right, so you draw your blade out, you take the damage, and you prepare Vicious Mockery. Got it. All right. That ends your turn, Molly. Caleb and Nott. SAM: We’re up already? MATT: You guys are up on the same turn. TRAVIS AND MARISHA: It’s literally right here. TRAVIS: The Crick is right between these two? Beauregard and Molly? MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah, you go first. SAM: Me?! LAURA: Don’t call it a Crick, it’s insulting, it’s a derogatory term. SAM: The Xhorhasian? Okay. Uh. Shit, I don’t know. Why are we attacking this person? LAURA: Because he attacked us first. TRAVIS: He’s covered in hooked armor and running at us aggressively. MARISHA: Let’s subdue him and talk to him! LIAM: Okay, so I will go– I will destroy the initiative ranking! I will send my globules of light into the darkness to see if it has any effect. MATT: Okay. As the globules go in, they blink out. LAURA: Oh no! His spell is higher than your spell! LIAM: And then I’m going to back up– MATT: Did you send all of the globules in there? LIAM: No, let’s say two of them. MATT: Okay. The two blink out. The two remain there, but the other two you sense that they’re no longer in existence. You have two globes lighting up the area now. It’s low light in here. LIAM: At the same time I will back up my full movement while Frumpkin runs into the edge of that darkness. MATT: All right. Frumpkin peeks in. All right. Cool. That ends your turn. Nott, what are you doing? SAM: I’m looking around. I’m not seeing a lot of attacking going on. They don’t speak our language. Shit. Maybe they speak– No, I don’t know. All right. I will cast Message, and I will point into the darkness at the creature. I’ll say: Do not fight us! We are no fans of the empire either! You can reply to this message. Do I sense a reply? MATT: You do not sense a reply. But for the hell of it, go ahead and make a persuasion. SAM: That’s a two minus three. MATT: Okay. Good to know. SAM: Oh no, just a two minus one, Matt. I’m still in the black. MATT: Perfect. Finishing, Nott, do you want to move anywhere? SAM: Yeah, I’ll go front and left. Is there anywhere to hide? MATT: Not in this area, no. You’d have to get over here to hide. SAM: Then I will bonus action dash over there. MATT: There you go. Good to know. That finishes Nott and Caleb’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Me? MATT: You. LAURA: Oh gosh! Okay. I’m going to prep the spell Hold Person and I’m going to wait to cast it until I can see him. MATT: Okay. Good to know. You’re prepping the spell. That ends your turn. Fjord, you’re up. Unless you want to move at all. LAURA: I’m going to move across the sewer across from Fjord. MATT: Okay, good to know. Fjord, you have Armor of Agathys on. You cast that reactionary last time, so what are you doing? TRAVIS: Can I look and say: Everyone stay here. I’m going to see how far this darkness goes. I’m going to double dash and run down 60 feet in that direction, hopefully not running into anybody. I’ll stop if I come into the light. MATT: All right. You stop as soon as you come to the other side. As you rush past, there’s a (swoosh) in the darkness. LAURA: Oh no, you get cut! TRAVIS: That’s okay. MATT: That is going to be a 25 to hit. TRAVIS: Pray tell, it doth hit. That’s okay, I’ve got the armor on. I’ve got that armor, boo. MATT: It did roll very high. TRAVIS: That’s all right, he’s going to take it. MATT: So that is ten points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: Oh shit, all ten? MATT: But he takes damage back, right? TRAVIS: He does take ten ice damage back, yeah. MATT: As you run by, the blade strikes. You manage to feel it glide off your ice armor and you feel the blast of ice energy. You, Beau, as you’re holding the rope, feel this spray of dark cold and you wince at it in the darkness. MARISHA: I hate these rides! MATT: But that gets you on the other side. TRAVIS: Oh, for a bonus action, can I make a perception check to see if there’s anybody on the other side of the tunnel? MATT: Sure. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: Okay. You glance over in the area. In the darkness, the light’s fading at this point, but you have darkvision. You don’t see any other figure. TRAVIS: Can I about-face and wait on the other side of this? MATT: Sure. Waiting on the opposite side. You got it. All right. That brings it up to the top. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay. I still have him restrained. I can’t see or do shit. Still holding onto the rope, can I full-on football tackle him and try and push him out of this dark cloud? MATT: Try and shove, you mean? MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: Well, if you have someone grappled, you can pull them at half movement. MARISHA: Oh, I’ll do that, then. I’m going to start, with the rope wrapped around, start like a lifeguard, backing out. MATT: This way or this way? MARISHA: Yeah, towards Fjord. I felt Fjord go by, so I want to try and go towards Fjord. MATT: Okay, so you manage to push it out of it, right there, and you’re both outside of the darkness. MARISHA: Look what I caught! TRAVIS: You caught a big one! MARISHA: Yeah I did! LAURA: Oh wait, he’s outside the darkness? TALIESIN: But we can’t see him. LAURA: Oh, but he’s across from me, through the darkness. MATT: Yeah, it’s through the darkness. MARISHA: Help me subdue him. TRAVIS: I will when it’s my turn. MATT: Beau, that’s your movement. You still have an action if you want. MARISHA: I’m going to do another crack to the forehead with my off-handed attack. That’s a natural one. No! Wait. No, it is. I thought it was a seven. Thought it might be a seven. MATT: I’ll say as you swing, he manages to loosen the grip a little bit and the rope comes a little bit loose. If it attempts to break your grapple, it’s going to have advantage on it. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: At the beginning of its turn, it’s now grappled up in front of you. It pulls its blade with both of its hands and its head turns back towards you, now that you’re the one who’s been pushing it out, and it begins to unleash two heavy strikes against you. That’s another 25 and that’s going to be an 18. MARISHA: Both hit. MATT: Both hit, okay. TRAVIS: Wooshed! MARISHA: Ouchies. MATT: That’s going to be 20 points of slashing damage from the two strikes. As the first blade impacts across the front of Beau’s chest, there’s this strange grayish flash of energy that seems to scatter from the impact of the blow, and it congeals off to the side, and you watch as this, for lack of a better term, a shadow clone of the creature appears off to the side, behind Fjord, there. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: It looks semi-corporeal. It’s still holding the blade, it has the same armor, but it’s somewhat translucent and made of this dark grayish shadow energy. MARISHA: Ow. MATT: Also, Beau, you feel the second blow that hits you, it seems to carve a letter or some kind of a symbol on your chest as it pulls back, and as it does, you feel this burning singe, and you look down. There’s this glowing brand on your chest. It’s not burned into the skin, it appears to be magically placed, but you have a brand on your chest that you don’t recognize. LAURA: Oh no, it’s like Hex or something. MATT: That’s going to end its turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Have I heard any of this happening or–? MATT: Yeah, you’ve heard them impact. It’s just darkness, but you hear yelling and shouting and then talking back and forth and then Beau taking damage and this strange shifting of energy in the distance. What are you doing? TALIESIN: Oh, for gods’ sakes. I am going to run straight through the– MATT: 30. You get to the edge of it. You can barely peek out. You can continue to move, but it’ll be your action to continue to move. TALIESIN: No, I’m going to stay at the edge of this and I’m going to use Vicious Mockery. MATT: Okay, good to know. TALIESIN: (demonic voice) Stop where you are! MATT: That is wisdom, right? TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: That’s an 18. TRAVIS: Does Molly do birthday parties for kids? MATT: I’m pretty sure that passes. TALIESIN: That passes, yeah. MATT: The Vicious Mockery seems to be unaffected by your demonic voice. Sorry. LAURA: Oh no! We have to talk to him, you guys. We’re not going to beat him. MATT: He looks pretty wounded already, like bleeding out the side. It’s your choice in what you want to do. But he’s really powerful, but really hurt. That finishes your turn, Molly? Caleb, Nott, what’re you doing? SAM: Oh, it’s us again? LIAM: Frumpkin will run forward out of the darkness. MATT: This way? LIAM: Towards the action. Yeah, and poke his head out, actually, closer to– He’ll come out between Molly’s legs. Peek right out there. I’m sitting down in the muck in the sewer and I’m now watching and listening to use Comprehend Languages through Frumpkin. MATT: Okay, sounds good. TRAVIS: Non-lethal damage! MATT: All right, Jester. SAM: Oh wait, it’s me. MATT: Oh no, it hasn’t come yet. You’re right SAM: Although I don’t really know what I’m going to do. Who do I still see? Just Caleb way in the back. Jester– MATT: You see Caleb and Jester there and this curl of darkness– SAM: Do I hear anything? MATT: Yeah, you hear all the sounds happening and the shouting and the impact– SAM: But I don’t know where they’re coming from? MATT: You hear them around that corner. That’s all you know. SAM: I’m going to go around the darkness. Around it, counter-clockwise, to see if I can see around the other side without going into it. MATT: That’s as far as you can get with your movement. You could bonus if you want to move around. SAM: I will bonus dash around, just to look. MATT: From there you can see your friends. You can see Fjord. You can see the creature. You can see the shadow form out of the side. You can see Beau, with a hint of Molly poking out of the darkness. SAM: All right, I’m going to shoot the shadow form. MATT: All right, go for it. Roll for an attack. SAM: (yelps) 20. MATT: A 20 hits. Roll damage. SAM: Sneak attack? MATT Sure. Technically, yeah, because these are considered one space, there. SAM: Okay. 16. MATT: Okay, you watch as it dissipates. The impact hits it, and you see it react slightly, and then vanish into vapor. SAM: It was all in my imagination! (laughter) SAM: That’s it. That’s all I got. MATT: All right, Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I have a question, because I’ve never prepped a spell and then not used it. Does that use the spell? MATT: It does. LAURA: That’s balls! MATT: You cast the spell and then hold the very last moment, waiting to release it, and then if it doesn’t happen, the spell expends. I’m sorry. LAURA: That is rough. That was a second level. Okay, can I go and see what’s going on around the big black spot? MATT: Sure. (counting) 30. You can just manage to see Nott at the corner of it, and that’s about as much as you can see. The rest of it’s just darkness still encompassing the corner. LAURA: I guess I’ll use my dash to go forward and see what’s going on. MATT: 25 or 30? You could get either of those spaces there, if you want to. LAURA: I’ll go right there. MATT: Right there, all right. So now you can see it, but that’s your movement and your action. LAURA: (screams) SAM: (screams) I know, right? This is crazy! (laughter) MATT: Does that end your turn? LAURA: I guess so. MATT: All right. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Can I– LAURA: Oh wait, but I have a bonus action. MATT: You do have a bonus, yeah. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to use– wait, wait– Healing Word on Beau. MARISHA: Yes, please. LAURA: I’m going to cast that. Okay, so that is 1d4. SAM: What will you sing to her? Oh, wait. LAURA: Nope. Whoa. (childish voice) Three plus three is six points. MARISHA: That’s great, thank you. Much better. Ouchies. LIAM: I like that an eight-year-old boy delivered those points. MATT: All right, Beau, it’s your turn. No, it’s Fjord’s turn, sorry. MARISHA: No, that’s right, Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: Can I run up behind the assassin and, using the blunt end of the falchion, the non-edged side, can I try and strike non-lethal damage into the back of his head? MATT: You can. Go for it, roll for an attack. TRAVIS: Do I get advantage because he’s bound? Grappled? MATT: You are technically on opposite sides, so I would say flanked. I’d allow it. TRAVIS: Okay. LIAM: Barnacle blow. TRAVIS: Barnacle blow. 18 plus– LAURA: Did you know barnacles scream when you scrape them off of things? SAM: No. That’s not true. LAURA: No, they do, they go (screams)– MATT: 24. That hits. Roll damage. TRAVIS: All right, now, non-lethal– MATT: Same damage. If you bring it to zero, they go unconscious, not bleeding out. TRAVIS: That is 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage. Whack! You swing across and slam it from the back of its armor and (grunts) you hear this exhale of pain out of its throat. As it hits, it spins around and you watch as that same energy that came out earlier when it struck Beau, the blow that you hit it dissipates into the same energy and then forms into another shadow version of it behind you. LAURA: Is he still taking damage? MATT: He’s taken damage. He’s getting hurt, he’s hurt pretty bad. Does that finish your turn? TRAVIS: Yes, it does. MATT: All right. Top of the round, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Oh God. Okay– TRAVIS: He’s not hurt enough, apparently. MARISHA: I’m going to first try and tighten my grip on him. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: And can I try and bulldoze him down to the ground and pin him to the ground? MATT: Unfortunately, you need a feat, the Grappler feat, to then pin somebody. MARISHA: Cool. I’m going to also try and do non-lethal damage and knock him on the head. MATT: Go for it, roll for an attack. MARISHA: Two attacks. Yeah, first one’s a natural 19. Second one is another natural one. MATT: The 19 does hit. TRAVIS: What about the one? MARISHA: Sorry, 1d8 plus four is– TRAVIS: 12. MARISHA: 12, thank you. MATT: 12? Nice. So as you crack across the head, you watch the helmet slip a little bit. You can see a little bit of the jaw beneath the mask now and the skin itself has a dark blue, purple color. You see white teeth that have pretty prominent incisors visible. MARISHA: Can I take a free action to be like: We just want to talk to you, damn it! MATT: You’re just shouting, yeah. TRAVIS: Did you hear that important detail about the enemy that he just revealed? SAM: Uh, nope. We were talking. What was the detail? I mean (coo) what was the detail? TRAVIS: Pretty sizable incisors, sharp fucking teeth. SAM: (cooing) LAURA: Whoa. (laughter) MATT: All right, Beau, is that the end of your turn? LAURA: Sorry, Travis. It’s important stuff that we’re talking about. MATT: All right, it is now the creature’s turn. The creature is going to swing one strike at Beau in front. TALIESIN: Blood Maledict. With the added– SAM: Yeah, drop that BM on him! LIAM: You just did that like the glitter guy. Blood Maledict. MATT: Disadvantage. TALIESIN: Disadvantage on that. MATT: Well, you prevented a natural 20, that’s good. So that’s 19. MARISHA: Still hits. MATT: Still hits. That is– LAURA: That was good that she didn’t get critted. MATT: Ten points of slashing damage. LAURA: Are you still up? MARISHA: Nope. SAM: Oh! Wait, we just healed her. LAURA: I did, but not for that much. MATT: Beau falls to the ground unconscious. The rope goes loose. At which point, the creature turns around towards you, Fjord. As you focus on its face you feel this swing from behind as the shadow version is going to try– TRAVIS: Nonlethal! SAM: Not in the face! MATT: That’s going to be 21. TRAVIS: That hits. SAM: (high-pitched) Watch out for the teeth (coo). MATT: That is nine points of slashing damage and it vanishes. The impact, the actual blow hits and discards itself into the impact of the blow. MARISHA: I don’t think he wants to talk to us. LAURA: It discards itself. MATT: Let’s see here. It’s now going to swing forward and head over to make a strike at you. LAURA: Why me?! I didn’t do anything to you. TRAVIS: Nonlethal. That’s only a 14, no, 15. MATT: 15 does not hit. TALIESIN: He still has disadvantage. MATT: Did you amplify it? TALIESIN: Yeah, I did. MATT: Okay, that brings it to 19. LAURA: 19 probably fucking hits. Yes. MATT: Okay, that is eight points of slashing damage. LAURA: Hellish Rebuke! SAM and TRAVIS: Ooh. LAURA: I’m going to say: I’m not your enemy, you guy with big teeth. But I say it in Infernal, because you know. TALIESIN: No, that was good. MATT: That’s a constitution saving throw for that one, is it? LAURA: Sure, I don’t know. SAM: (singing) I still get hellish. MATT: That’s a 12. What’s your DC on that? LAURA: Charisma is your spellcasting ability for this. MATT: What’s your charisma bonus? LAURA: This is where it gets complicated, I’ve got a plus one mod to charisma. MATT: All right, so your DC with that would be 11. So yeah, it succeeds. It takes half-damage. You still do damage. LAURA: Oh okay. Great. Which is 2d10, right? MATT: 2d10. LAURA: That’s a lot. (coo) That’s a lot. Oh, eight. So four. MATT: Four points, all right. SAM: It’s dead. MATT: You see this blast of ice come out as you’re shouting Infernal at it. It strikes into the armor and pierces parts of its shoulder as it (grunts). It goes limp for a certain point, you see it flex angrily. It’s looking really rough. As the attack hits you, another one appears over there. LAURA: How many slashing damage did you say you did to me? MATT: Eight. LAURA: Eight, got it. TRAVIS: That’s a dope feature, whatever that is. MATT: All righty, that’s going to end its turn. Molly you’re up. TALIESIN: If I run up behind it, do I then get advantage because he’s flanked? MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: I’m going to do that. LAURA: Nonlethal. TALIESIN: It’s all nonlethal once you stabilize it after you put it down to the ground. All right, first strike with the– MATT: That’s actually not true. TALIESIN: No, I know. I’m paying attention. First strike with the scimitar is a natural 20! TRAVIS: Hey! TALIESIN: Does that do a thing then? For him or is it just double damage? MATT: It’s double damage. TALIESIN: Okay, nothing weird in that. MATT: That’s both the weapon and the– LAURA: You get all your grit points back, aren’t you excited? TALIESIN: Yeah, no. I miss things. I don’t get special damage to him, do I? MATT: As a reaction, he’s going to use Transpose Echo and shift over with that guy. SAM: Did he just– MATT: You watch as suddenly there’s a shimmy of shadow energy and he switches places with the shadow version of himself. You end up striking the shadow thing, which is dissipated from the impact. LAURA: Bitch. TRAVIS: That is some white elephant gift shit, right there. TALIESIN: So I don’t have enough movement to go for another. MATT: (counting) You do. TALIESIN: Run in, and if I can flank him great. If not I’m still going to take my shot. MATT: Yeah, you can flank him actually. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: So you strike the one. Angrily spin around and then catch it behind, where you see him appear. Filling the spot where his shadow clone was. TALIESIN: That’s 21 to hit. MATT: That hits, roll damage. TALIESIN: 22. Oh god. I don’t get the d6 on that, so that’s five points of damage. MATT: Five points of damage. How do you want to do this? TALIESIN: I’m going to bounce off the wall, after the other one hit, and spinning around and finally taking him, and knocking him out with the little spike on the side of the sword. Right in the helmet. MATT: As you spin the sword around, coming down (crack) you hit across the side of the head and the body collapses and falls to the ground unconscious. TALIESIN: Someone go deal with Beau. MATT: The darkness vanishes. LAURA: I run over to Beau and I cast Cure Wounds on her. TRAVIS: I start patting the body down. Molly help me. TALIESIN: I’m pulling the armor off. SAM: Caleb we need you. LAURA: Should I? No I’ll just cast that at regular. I cast Cure Wounds on you. TALIESIN: Did I feel anything when I hit it? LAURA: Seven points. TALIESIN: Did it set off the blood hunter spider sense at all? MATT: No. TALIESIN: All right. Just curious. MATT: All right, so as you all– LAURA: Is he awake still or does he– MATT: Unconscious. LAURA: Let’s tie him up! Quick tie him up! TRAVIS: I got 50 feet of hempen rope. TALIESIN: I got 50 feet of hempen rope. LAURA: Let’s tie him up real good. TALIESIN: With Beau’s. TRAVIS: Maybe no bows. TALIESIN: I was going to say with Beau’s rope, because she’s also got the hook. MARISHA: (strained) Oh yeah, I’ve got a– I can also tie bows in my, Beau’s, rope. LAURA: But also bows are really cool. We should give him some, because he’s got all these barbs and they’d be really fun to decorate. MARISHA: Wait, you want to put my bo in bows– TALIESIN: There’s no bows. LAURA: Just tie him up quick! LIAM: This language spell runs out in an hour, let’s speed this up. MATT: You strip him of everything he has. There’s the armor you pull off, there’s the blade and the sheath. There’s a pair of dark, jagged black boots that are pretty cool, three daggers that are all hidden in pockets in the armor, and a pouch that is hidden within the plating of the leather armor that is filled with quite a few coin if you go and inspect within. LAURA: Is anybody writing all of this stuff down? TRAVIS: Yes, yes I am. MARISHA: Boots, something. TRAVIS: Sword, sheath, black boots, yup. MARISHA: Three daggers and lots of gold. LAURA: Oh, I am the inventory person. Shit. MATT: So that gets you 116 platinum pieces. SAM: Whoa, platinum? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: I’m going to put 116 platinum. LAURA: You weren’t even writing it down. MATT: And 12 gold pieces. TRAVIS: Got it. TALIESIN: 12 gold. 116 platinum! MARISHA: Remember when we lost 500 platinum at the bottom of the Bag of Holding last campaign for months? That was funny. LIAM: Between the couch cushions? MARISHA: Yes. Oh that’s where I put that. SAM: Each platinum is worth 100 gold, right? MATT: Ten gold. LIAM: Do they say “In Xhorhas We Trust” on them? MATT: No, they are standard imperial platinum. MARISHA: We universally forgot it, as a team. TRAVIS: All right, so we get him nice and tied up, right? TALIESIN: We can’t stay here. We’ve got to move. SAM: Why do we have to move? We’re in the sewers. Who’s going to come down here? TALIESIN: Everybody who’s looking for him. SAM: Oh. That’s fair. TALIESIN: Thank you. SAM: What if we hide? Could we hide, could we put up an illusion to hide? TALIESIN: We can start heading back in our direction at the very least. Get further away from– MATT: There is also the dodecahedron that is the slow undulating gray glow that he was holding, before dropping it and rushing towards you. LIAM: Oh, let me take a look at it. SAM: Won’t you lose your other spell if you do the spell? LIAM: What? Does anybody have a torch or anything? No. SAM: Okay. LAURA: I didn’t write down, did you really write down that stuff? TRAVIS: Yeah, sword, sheath, three daggers, pair of black boots that look cool, 116 platinum and 12 gold. SAM: She got sword, so far. LIAM: Okay, I need ten minutes. Ten minutes with this thing. I’m going to, as a ritual spell, cast Identify. MATT: To which object? LIAM: On the dodecahedron. MATT: Okay. You focus on it for a bit. It is definitely magic. LIAM: (whispering) But it’s next level shit. MATT: The magic contained is outside of the parameters of the spell. You’re not entirely certain what it’s capable of. There’s something alien about its magic source that your Identify spell is unable to pierce. LIAM: Oh. MATT: As you focus more and more on it, your brain begins to open up into, what feels like, space. Endless expanse and it begins to scare you. Just the endless infinity of nothingness and you pull back and (gasp), “Oh that’s… interesting.” It seems very powerful, whatever it is. But you don’t know quite how it works. LIAM: Yeah, I throw a dirty rag over it. MARISHA: Molly, do you think this is the weapon from the crime scene, that we saw? That big glowy, black– TALIESIN: I don’t know it seems kind of small, doesn’t it? LIAM: It is extremely powerful, whatever it is. MARISHA: See? Extremely powerful. MATT: Do you want to continue and concentrate on it? LIAM: No. MATT: Okay. LAURA: Can I take his helmet off, and look at his face? MATT: Sure. You took the helmet off when you took the armor off. LAURA: Just kidding. So that’s one of the things we have as well. MATT: The helmet is part of the armor. The armor is very well made. With the armor removed, you can see the deep blue, somewhat purple colored skin. It resembles, actually, you if a bit darker. Whitish gray hair that goes just past the shoulders. It was tied up in a tight bun into the helmet and tumbles past once it was pulled off. Dark elf, definitive drow. MARISHA: Does it look like the same color from the gauntleted hand that we saw in the alley? MATT: Correct, what you thought you saw the fingers dipped in the color was actually just gloves that didn’t have the fingers covered. TRAVIS: Oh wow. LAURA: Is it a boy? MATT: It is a male, yes. LIAM: What do we want our next step to be? SAM: We have to ask him some questions. But we have to leave, right? MARISHA: Let’s wake him up. MATT: The more you think on it, the more you know there’s more to this device. It scares you, but there was something you were close to there. Something you were close to learning. You’re not sure what lies beyond that threshold. You keep thinking on it. MARISHA: Super baity. SAM: One more opportunity. TRAVIS: (singing) Might as well jump. Jump! (laughter) MARISHA: (singing) Go ahead and jump. MATT: It’s up to you. LIAM: (sighs) MARISHA: By the way, last time Travis did this, I jumped off of a cliff and splatted as a goldfish. LIAM: I was going to say, let’s wake up the elf. TRAVIS: Okay. Yeah that’s fair. LAURA: I’m going to pull his hair out of his face so he can see us. MATT: Okay, he’s still unconscious. There’s blood curling out the mouth and nose. He is beaten. TRAVIS: If we turn him in, it’ll take attention off of us in case we have trouble getting out of the sewer. But maybe we need to know who this is. TALIESIN: Who are these people who caught this person would be another question they might ask. We got to be careful. TRAVIS: True, good point. MARISHA: We could be heroes. Turn him in, invaders in chains. TALIESIN: No one is a hero for very long. LAURA: What is the name of the romantic lead in the romance novel? MARISHA: That is true, these guys were called Cricks. SAM: Oskar? LAURA: No, no, not my romance novel. The one about these guys. LIAM: Well I don’t remember it, but Caleb does because he has photographic memory. So Matt has to tell me– (laughter) MARISHA: If anything was true in the porn, you can always trust porn to be honest. LIAM: There is always some truth to porn. MARISHA: There’s always truth to porn. TRAVIS: At least one basic truth. MARISHA: This guy is from the Dwendalian Empire, from the Julous Dominion. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Is that right? MATT: No. Well, the main character of the book was. The Julous Dominion was what once ruled the Marrow Valley. MARISHA: Remember the porn. It was a very awkward reading. LAURA: The Marrow Valley. MARISHA: The Marrow Valley. What was– TALIESIN: That was a metaphor. MATT: So yeah. So the main character was not Xhorhasian. LIAM: Caleb says. MATT: They were a general in the army of Julous. Which was– MARISHA: The army of Julous. MATT: Yeah, the Julous Dominion. Which as during the conflict, before the Dwendalian Empire conquered it. MARISHA: Oh, conflict between the Julous Dominion and the Dwendalian Empire. And she was a general for the Dwendalian empire. MATT: Right. LAURA: Can I heal him and wake him up? SAM: Yes we need to– yes. LAURA: Are you guys ready? MARISHA: She was super in love with this general named Theo. LAURA: Theo. MARISHA: Theo. SAM: How far are we from the entrance, where we came down into the sewer? MATT: You’re maybe 150 feet from entrance of where you came down and you’re a few hundred feet from the way that leads back up into the city, of the Interstead Sprawl. SAM: Should I go back up to the entrance and make sure we’re not being followed or anything? TRAVIS: Sure, if you want to. Unless you have any questions. SAM: Questions? I don’t know anything about this shit. TRAVIS: Yeah, go keep watch. SAM: Okay. I’m going to head back and look at the entrance. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Seven. TRAVIS: Plus? SAM: No. MATT: Plus no. Okay. You look past and you can see some folks darting back and forth occasionally across the end of the alleyway. Otherwise you just see the dark, shadowed walls and the dark sky above with the cloud cover. No one seems to be immediately coming towards it for the time being. LIAM: Jester, my idea is, you know, most people are not like that crownsguard bastard. Most people like cats, so maybe if Frumpkin woke him up, you know, with a couple of licks, he would wake up in a better– LAURA: Most people like me too, though. LIAM: That’s also true. LAURA: And I’m blue and he’s blue. LIAM: It’s all yours. LAURA: I pat him on his little cheek, and I say wake up: Theo. Wake up. MATT: Okay. It takes a few moments, but eventually, he (mumbling) (grunts). LAURA: (whispers) Hi! MATT: Spits out a bit of blood on to the front of his chest and the rope and (grunts) LAURA: You’re not dead, because we didn’t even want to fight you, but you attacked us. MATT: (speaks in Undercommon) And so you’ve cast– LIAM: Comprehend Languages. I understand everything. MATT: The essence is “Stupid empirical scum. You’ll get nothing.” LIAM: He thinks we’re with the empire. LAURA: We are not with the empire. Look at us! LIAM: Do we have any of that Crownsguard armor? Didn’t we collect some? MATT: Make a, I’ll say a persuasion check, because you haven’t technically allied yourself with the empire entirely, though you are part of the empire. You, specifically, are not part of the empire. You did not grow up here. TALIESIN: Do we need a little greasing? LAURA: Where’s my persuasion? Where’s persuasion? TALIESIN: There it is. LAURA: Where? TALIESIN: You just rolled over it. LAURA: Oh. Nine. MARISHA and TRAVIS: Nein! MATT: His eyes narrow towards you and still bears the incisor fangs. (breathes heavily) LAURA: Oh, Theo, what big teeth you have! LIAM: Jester, give me one of the Crownsguard helmets from your backpack. LAURA: I pull it out. LIAM: I take this helmet. I set it on the ground in front of the elf, and then I start to piss on it. SAM: The language of love. TRAVIS: Just wang out. MATT: The right eyebrow curls up into a very confused expression. LIAM: Frumpkin comes over and also pisses on it. LAURA: That’s gross. TALIESIN: Oh, for god’s sakes. You can’t reason with angry people. LAURA: I give a pastry to him. MATT: (sounds of disgust) LAURA: It’s good to eat. MATT: As you’re shoving this pastry into his face, you can see right now, he appears demoralized, ready to lash out at the first moment’s notice, and has seemed to have calmed a bit from the confusion of the displays in front of him, but doesn’t seem to be buying into any of what you’re saying at the moment. LIAM: I shake it and put it away. LAURA: Can he understand us? Can you understand me? SAM: It walks away. MATT: “I can understand this.” (gasps) MARISHA: Oh, he does speak Common. LAURA: That’s great. TALIESIN: Should I expedite this? TRAVIS: Please. LIAM: Can you, yeah? TALIESIN: Come on, friend. We just need to ask you a few questions and we’ll let you be on your way, as long as there’s nothing too inappropriate happening. Devil’s Tongue. LAURA: Devil’s Tongue. MATT: That is a… TALIESIN: Wisdom save, second level. MATT: That would be a nine. That does not succeed. Okay. You watch the eyes gloss over for a second. Wait, hold on a second. Where’s my Player’s Handbook? Do you have it real fast? LAURA: Oh I do. MATT: Here I’ll grab this one real fast. LAURA: Sorry, I was sitting on it. MATT: Double-check one more thing. TALIESIN: Are you trying to weasel out of my– MATT: I am trying to confirm. One of the racial traits of the elves, if I recall, is they have– LAURA: Oh, a resistance to charm? TALIESIN: Or advantage. MARISHA: Half-elves did. I remember team half-elves did. MATT: Yep. Advantage on saving throws on being charmed. TALIESIN: So you get one more roll. MATT: I do. TRAVIS: Roll low, roll low! MATT: That’s going to be a 12. TALIESIN: It’s a wisdom save, so it’s ten plus my wisdom modifier? MATT: It’s eight plus– yeah. TALIESIN: So, that’s 13. TRAVIS: Yeah! MATT: 13. Still fails. All righty. So as the eyes glass over for a minute, the snarling and the tension in the muscles relax for a minute. TALIESIN: We’re not with the empire. We’re private individuals just trying to get by. We wandered into a lot of chaos, so we just want to know what we’re getting wrapped up in right now. MATT: “Untie me.” MARISHA: No. LAURA: You attacked us. MATT: “You rushed me and began to assault me.” LAURA: No, we didn’t! You came at us with your sword out. LIAM: I cast a spell so I could try to understand your tongue. MATT: He keeps looking at you. It’s ignoring the rest of them. It goes, “What happened to the “Beacon?” TALIESIN: What’s the Beacon? MATT: “The Beacon.” It looks around. LIAM: It’s under a dirty rag. MATT: Right. It’s just glancing about. TALIESIN: It’s right there. Is it important? MATT: “Yes. Very.” TALIESIN: Why? I’m just trying to understand, friend. Help me help you. TRAVIS: You Jerry Maguire motherfucker. Help me, help you. MATT: “We are here to retrieve the Beacon from the empirical bastards in Zadash. We had it. I have “it. I don’t know what happened to my companion, but, so far, I am successful. And I need it.” TALIESIN: What is the beacon for? MATT: “The beacon is part of our culture. The beacon allows the rebirth.” TALIESIN: The rebirth of what? MATT: “Of our people.” LAURA: That’s important. People need to be born. TALIESIN: This all sounds very complicated to me. I am personally of the opinion that we just let everything go. MARISHA: Do you mean rebirth or do you mean reanimate? Let’s be honest here. MATT: It doesn’t even pay attention to Beau. TALIESIN: My friends are your friends. TRAVIS: I’ve got one job on this ship. It’s stupid, but I’m going to do it! (laughter) TALIESIN: You’re making a very, very good argument, and my friends are your friends. We’re all here to help. MATT: “The Beacons are sacred. I have lived four lifetimes. As long as the Beacons remain, me and “my people will live more.” LAURA: Do you make babies still? MATT: “We do.” LAURA: Okay. And they live as long as the Beacon lives too? MATT: “The souls continue. With each rebirth, the memories retain.” LIAM: What is your intention for the people in this empire, this kingdom? MATT: “What is the intention of the empire?” LIAM: No, your people’s intention, for all those who live here. MATT: “We live. We worship. We learn. We die. We are reborn until we are perfect.” MARISHA: Oh jeez. MATT: “We find more Beacons.” LAURA: There’s more of them? MARISHA: Is this thing what we saw take out half the Zauber Spire? MATT: “No. That was my companion.” You see at this point, now, as friendly as it has been, there’s this look of, “I might be saying too much and I don’t trust the most of you still.” TALIESIN: Sorry to tell you, but I think your friend may have got hit on the end of something fierce and may not have made it. I thought I saw someone fly by and take him out. I’m sorry. MATT: “That’s all right.” MARISHA: Is it just the two of you or were there more? MATT: “For this mission, just the two of us. We had help, but…” TRAVIS: Where are you trying to get to? MATT: “Out. Of the city.” MARISHA: Who was your help, if it was just the two of you? MATT: “I’ve said too much. Either kill me or let me go.” MARISHA: It has to be someone in the city. Who was it? You don’t tell us, we’ll find out one way or another. I can tell you that right now. TALIESIN: We’re trying to fight corruption in this city in our own way. We just need to know who we can trust and who we can’t. MARISHA: You can either help us get there faster, or we’ll just take the long goddamn way. MATT: “You cannot trust anybody in this city. You cannot trust yourselves. Anyone who has not bound “themselves. They are the enemy.” LAURA: To the beacon? What do you bind yourself to? MATT: There’s a moment of very tightly closed eyes. The jaw clenches as he looks about. TALIESIN: I know my vote, but anybody else? LAURA: I thought he was going to answer. I thought he was going to answer! TRAVIS: You want to let him go, don’t you? TALIESIN: Eh, not our problem. LAURA: I think we should let him go. I think he’s handsome. MARISHA: He looks like a good reward to me. Unless, under one condition. You tell us who you were working with in here. TRAVIS: Yeah, tell us. We’ll let you go. TALIESIN: That’s fair. MATT: “I cannot. Our allies in the empire are short on the list.” MARISHA: Is it Kara? Dolan? TRAVIS: Ulog? Checking his face for reactions to any of them. MARISHA: Exactly. Anything? Any reactions? MATT: That would be an insight check. TRAVIS: Can I help her? MARISHA: Yeah, can me and Fjord tag team this? MATT: Sure. MARISHA: Yeah, let’s just each roll. We’re just going down the list. Fucking fuck. TRAVIS: 15? MARISHA: Better than me. 13. MATT: 13. SAM: Whispers on a 15? MATT: He’s not in a very strong place. The charm spell is– TALIESIN: Charm spells are mean. LAURA: How long does charm spell work? TALIESIN: Like an hour. LAURA: That’s great. I’ve got it, too. TALIESIN: I can do two people. SAM: Liam, what are you looking forward to in Chicago? Is it the sausages? The brats? The deep-dish? LIAM: Yeah, you know that deep-dish pizza there. TRAVIS: Yeah, I feel like we’ve kept him up long enough. We don’t have to get him out, we just have to give him the chance to get out. I think we should do that. He’s given us everything. MATT: “And give me the beacon.” MARISHA: What? He hasn’t told us shit. LAURA: Will the beacon hurt people, though? MATT: “No.” LAURA: I’m going to insight check him. MATT: Sure. LAURA: 14. MATT: 14. Kind of hard to read on this one. LIAM: What will you do if we say no? MATT: “I will strike you down where you stand and take it. It’s too important.” TALIESIN: That’s rude. I’m going to start moving towards untying him unless anyone’s got any– MARISHA: Just leave him. He can get out himself. He’s a smart guy. TALIESIN: If we’re all good– LIAM: We leave him only if we leave the beacon with the Gentleman, but if we leave him on his own– LAURA: (gasps) Was it the Gentleman? Is he who helped you in? MARISHA: Ooh, was it the Gentleman? TALIESIN: Insight check. Do I get advantage because he’s friends with me? MATT: Yeah, I’ll say. Yeah. Why not? SAM and TALIESIN: Double insight. LAURA: Ooh, that’s not bad. TALIESIN: That’s not bad. 21. MATT: 21. SAM: More whispers! Just whispers. It’s all whispers. Oh, guys. D&D Beyond, right? LAURA: I mean, D&D Beyond. SAM: What is there to say that hasn’t already been said by me? TALIESIN: Personally, this seems like more than I feel like taking on right now. I say we walk away, and you’ll know that our silence means that we were trustworthy in the first place. LAURA: And then you can be our friends later. MATT: “And you’ll leave the beacon? Free me. Give me the beacon.” MARISHA: We could pawn this thing. Right now. It’ll be off of our tail in like two minutes. TALIESIN: Have you ever pawned anything before? LIAM: I think that this thing is a great responsibility. TRAVIS: We removed his armor. We should give him something to leave in so he’s not just walking buck through the city. TALIESIN: Now we’re getting silly. MARISHA: What if he comes back and destroys us with this thing in six months? Two months? LAURA: He won’t. He likes us, right? You won’t do it? Will you promise not to hurt us later? TRAVIS: No, he just said he’s going to kill us if we don’t give it to him. LAURA: But what if we give it back though? MATT: “You give it back. We go our separate ways. I run.” LIAM: I think we should kill him. TRAVIS: Really? LIAM: Seems dangerous to me. LAURA: Oh, man. This is a really tough one. MARISHA: And super different than five seconds ago when you said we should just let him go. TRAVIS: Why don’t we leave it up to him? We untie him, he comes at us bros, we take him down. We’re giving him a chance at freedom. LAURA: What about the beacon? TRAVIS: He doesn’t get the beacon. TALIESIN: He’s not going to leave without the beacon. LAURA: I think we give him the beacon and we walk away. TRAVIS: He’ll come after it. I know. LAURA: Maybe you can look at the beacon one more time and try to see what it is, and then we can give it back to him. TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s do that. No? MARISHA: Does it scare you that much? LIAM: It does. LAURA: Can I look at the beacon? TALIESIN: Did he get worried when we said we were going to take a look at it one more time? MATT: He didn’t seem to flinch. MARISHA: If it’s that scary, then what do you want to do with it? TRAVIS: Can anybody else concentrate on it? LIAM: If we leave this gentleman here and take the beacon, it becomes his life’s work to find us. TRAVIS: Agreed. LIAM: So we either leave him and it, or we take it and kill him. TALIESIN: Agreed. MARISHA: Or we can take it now and kill him later. TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: Just saying, it could be like a fun game. TALIESIN: You first. TRAVIS: I won’t speak for anybody in the group, but I’m not taking his life. So, if someone feels motivated, I’ll just walk over this way. And I start walking back the way we came. LAURA: (whispers) Give it back to him. LIAM: I don’t– why are you– LAURA: You have it! LIAM: I don’t. It’s on the ground under the dirty rag, ja. LAURA: Oh, it is? I go and look at it. MATT: Okay, as you pull the cloth up and look, the grey light energy spills out from underneath, and you watch as it looks over, and it can see it now. Its eyes go wide, and you feel the soft undulating low hum to it. LAURA: (hums) I hum back at it. MATT: Okay, you match the tone. LAURA: What does he do when we’re looking at it? TALIESIN: I walk over and scrape my radiant sword against the orb. LIAM: I’m going to take a few steps back. MATT: As you do, he’s like (growling). TALIESIN: Just seeing. Just going to give it a little tap. I’m not cutting it, I’m just tapping it. MATT: Okay, it taps. It sounds like you’re tapping some sort of a stone or rock. TALIESIN: Does the radiant energy have any effect on it? MATT: No, it does not. TRAVIS: Well, I don’t know what it is. And if you’re not going to look, what use do we have for it? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Look, I know some people. Why don’t we bag this thing up and we’ll take it right over to– LIAM: These two individuals were responsible for blowing a hole in that tower, yes? MARISHA: Okay, I’m not talking about anything– LIAM: I’m not contradicting what you’re saying, I’m sorry. When you say, “What use do we have for "it?” It’s a dangerous thing. LAURA: It didn’t do it. The beacon wasn’t the thing that did it. MARISHA: New plan. LAURA: What? MARISHA: New plan. All right, we can’t decide if we should leave him, or take the thing, or take the thing but leave him, or kill him, or– why don’t we take both him and the thing? TRAVIS: And what do we do with him? MARISHA: We go to the Cobalt Soul. Drop him off. Front doorstep, leave a note, “You’re welcome.” LAURA: They’re going to kill him, though. MARISHA: And apparently so are we? Or at least talking about it? LIAM: What do they do there? I don’t know much about the Cobalt Soul. What can you tell me? MARISHA: They hold information. They’ve got a decent amount of relics and spell books and things that they might know. TRAVIS: And it would endear us to the city. MARISHA: And they’re technically a little bit separate from the city. They’re kind of not necessarily a part of the empire. They kind of make sure the empire stays in check. TALIESIN: What’s your name again, friend? MATT: (sighs) This long, heavy sigh. Hearing all this conversation and not knowing who to trust, even in spite of your spell. “Thuron.” TALIESIN: Help us out, here. I’m Molly, and I– Give my friends more to go with. Give them something, some reason to trust you, to make sure that this is not going to come back and bite us in the ass. I mean, that’s what we’re looking for, here, is a reason for us to be able to walk away. MATT: “Then walk away.” LIAM: Question. When he said Thuron, did I hear Thuron, or did I hear some other word, like eagle, or swift, or something? MATT: The name itself does have meaning in Undercommon. It is a name. LIAM: So I didn’t hear Bob, right? Did it have a– MATT: No. The nuance to the word, from what you can best understand, is– it means “blessed second "born” is the best I can find the right words for it. TALIESIN: Should send him to a monastery. TRAVIS: I’m good either way. TALIESIN: How did you lose the thing in the first place that you need to get it back? MATT: “It was taken from Xhorhas.” TALIESIN: By who? MATT: (chuckles darkly) Grins and looks up. “From your fucking wizards.” TALIESIN: I don’t have any wizards. Well, I have one wizard, but– LAURA: He doesn’t like the other wizards. TALIESIN: Well, to be fair, they are kind of arseholes. LAURA: It was stolen from him! We should just let him have it. TALIESIN: How did they take it? MATT: “I don’t know the details.” TALIESIN: Did they come to you? MATT: “I was just sent to retrieve it. I don’t know all the answers.” TALIESIN: Sent by whom? MATT: “By my empress.” TALIESIN: Your empress? Which empress would this be? MATT: “You don’t know much, do you?” TALIESIN: I don’t know anything. It’s part of my charm. MATT: “Empress Leylas Krynn.” LAURA: Leylas Krynn. Did I say it right? MATT: You did. LAURA: Nice! LIAM: Same question. MATT: Question was? LIAM: Context of the name. Anything? MATT: No, actually, that one is a proper name. TRAVIS: Leylas Krynn? LAURA: Empress o’ the drow? Or o’ Marrow Valley? MATT: Well, the Marrow Valley is in the empire. LAURA: Oh, right. My facts are– MARISHA: The Dwendalian Empire? LIAM: No, we’re in the Dwendalian Empire. MATT: You guys are in the Dwendalian Empire. MARISHA: No, wait, sorry. I meant Xhorhas. MATT: Xhorhas is to the east of here. It’s the wastes to the east of the Ashkeeper Peaks. MARISHA: Right. LAURA: So that’s where you’re from? Xhorhas? MATT: He nods, slowly. LAURA: And the Dwendalian Empire is fighting you? And they’re stealing your babies? Because this is the only way you can have babies? MATT: He stares at you, confused. LAURA: It all makes perfect sense to me. TALIESIN: I say we give him his armor, and that thing, and be on our way. This is none of our concern. LAURA: I say we give him the thing and let him walk around naked, because that’s better. TALIESIN: That could be funny, too. LIAM: That’s close to a death sentence. How about we give him some crownsguard armor? TRAVIS: Fair call. LAURA: Then you can get out. MATT: “But you will give me the beacon?” TALIESIN: Well, we’re not going to give it to you. We’re just going to leave it here. I think that’s fair, we didn’t give him anything. We found him, he attacked us, we defeated him, we walked about our way. TRAVIS: I’m all right. MARISHA: We’re letting him leave without the beacon? LAURA: We’re leaving the beacon on the ground, Beau. LIAM: I suggest, leave it for him. MARISHA: And he’s not going to take it? TALIESIN: We don’t know what he’s going to do. TRAVIS: (whispering dramatically) Yes, he’s going to take it. TALIESIN: I’m all right with this. LAURA: I’m okay with this. TALIESIN: Anyone else? LIAM: I defer to the group. SAM: I’m drunk, 120 feet away. (laughter) TALIESIN: Unless you’ve got a strong opinion otherwise, Caleb, on that thing. LIAM: Say what? TALIESIN: Unless you’ve got a strong opinion on that thing otherwise. LIAM: I am able to tell a great many things about a great many things, and that is beyond me. LAURA: Maybe you should stare at it some more. TALIESIN: You don’t have to stare at it some more. If it’s beyond you, then it’s beyond me. TRAVIS: Unless you really want to. Huh? Do you? Do you? LIAM: I do not. TRAVIS: Open the door. TALIESIN: I say we just let it go. TRAVIS: (singing) Take a look… LAURA & MARISHA: (singing) It’s in a book, Reading Rainbow! TALIESIN: Okay, we’re getting into singing. No. I’m calling it, then? MARISHA: I still say we load up both of these guys. LAURA: I pull out– oh wait, you know what, I think I don’t have full armor for the crownsguard because I gave them away. I gave them back. MATT: Yeah, you returned them. LAURA: We don’t got no crownsguard armor. TALIESIN: Just give him his bits. MARISHA: Okay, he definitely does not get a secret disguise to help him get through the city. TRAVIS: We’re giving him everything but the black boots, the sword and the sheath and his money. LIAM: We’re taking his shit. TALIESIN: Give him just the armor. LAURA: He gets his armor back. But you don’t have the shoes, okay? TALIESIN: We’ll leave it right next to the bit. MARISHA: Just saying, it feels like we’re leaving an opportunity in the sewer. TALIESIN: There are good opportunities and bad opportunities, and this one is giving me the vibration that perhaps we should just leave him be. LAURA: And he’s going to remember us and love us. He’s going to be our best friend. TALIESIN: Well, he’s going to be a little irritated at me in about half an hour. I’m going to start fraying the rope just a bit, so that it’ll be breakable with a little bit of work. Are we off? MATT: Okay, are you fraying it with your sword? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. Just give it a little– MATT: The– (trails off and chuckles) SAM: Yes! MATT: The moment the rope breaks– TALIESIN: I wasn’t going to break it, I was just going to fray it. MATT: I know. But as you begin to pull, you notice that, all this time that’s been happening, the ropes in the back have gotten looser and looser. He uses that point to grab the blade and swing around and pull it up against you. “I’m sorry, I need your help.” LAURA: He can do that when he’s charmed? MATT: He’s not cutting him, he’s just grabbing, going, “I’m sorry, I need your help,” and is holding you now against the wall, looking at the rest of you, and says, “Leave me.” LAURA: That’s what we’re doing! Jesus! TALIESIN: We were literally just doing that. And boy, I’ve got to tell you that you are really overestimating their fondness for me right now. MATT: He pushes you off. TALIESIN: (laughs) Your stuff’s over there. MATT: He rushes over and pushes the cloth off the beacon real fast, picks it up and holds it. LAURA: I go (hums). MATT: Goes over and starts picking up the armor. MARISHA: Nope! TRAVIS: Yeah, we gave him the armor. LAURA: Yeah, we gave it back to him. SAM: It’s very clear. TRAVIS: Yeah. Not the boots, not the sword, not the gold. SAM: They said it four or five times. MATT: He puts on the armor. Puts on the mask. Puts on the leg armor. Takes the beacon. LAURA: Don’t run out the same exit that we do, okay? MATT: Turns around and darts deeper into the sewers. SAM: (whispers) That’s the way we were going to go. TALIESIN: I’m going to say, right now, that was the easiest 20 platinum I’ve ever made in my entire life. LAURA: I mean, we just made so much money. MARISHA: Should we follow him? See where he’s going? TRAVIS and TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: Just saying, maybe there’s some cool portal or something. TRAVIS: Yeah? TALIESIN: That’s fair. MARISHA: How are they getting in and out, man? TALIESIN: I think he probably has some thing. Whatever they do. LIAM: He left all his shit– his armor he’s wearing, but all his other shit was left around? MATT: Other shit you have, yes. LIAM: We scooped it up? LAURA: It’s in the bag. MARISHA: Is he heading deeper into the sewers the way the spiders were? MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Why are you so keen on this one? I mean, that was a lot. I don’t want to get involved in that. That’s crazy. LAURA: This is wars between empires. Do you really care? MARISHA: I don’t care about wars between empires, I just like having more information. For later. TRAVIS: We should get back to the Song and Supper Inn. LAURA: You mean the Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: Song and Supper. See if Dolan’s there. LAURA: Oh. TRAVIS: We are short one, you know. LAURA: Ulog. MATT: You hear a shout in the distance. TALIESIN: Let’s roll. LAURA: Go, go, go, go. MATT: In the direction that you’re traveling, echoing down that way. And you see a flash of firelight, torchlight in the distance. You hear a (hiss) and the sound of weapons clanging– LIAM: Where he went? MATT: Yeah, in the direction he went. LAURA: Oh, he was going in the direction we were going. MATT: And then it goes quiet, and you hear voices say, “We got him! We got him!” And other voices, and around the corner up ahead you can see a little bit of torchlight flickering against the wall. LIAM: Well, whatever it is, the empire just got it back. MARISHA: I should have just strapped him up. TALIESIN: Do we want to end this really quickly? TRAVIS: End it? TALIESIN: We could go over and get involved in that, since you seemed so keen– MARISHA and LAURA: No. TALIESIN: Oh, now you don’t want to. MARISHA: We had control of it when it was still in our hands. We don’t have control anymore. LIAM: Also, as a sidebar, if we want the other half of our earlier plan to work, we need to get to Dolan, we need the crownsguard inside Sutan’s house as quickly as possible. MARISHA: What did you say, you said we’re down one? TRAVIS: Yeah, Ulog. MARISHA: What happened to Ulog? LAURA: (gasps) TRAVIS: Oh. Yeah. Well, in the fray of the Richter coming in, he lunged at her and put a little gem in her mouth. They exploded. LAURA: I’m keeping an eye on the path to make sure nobody’s coming down our direction. MATT: Okay. Hand me the object, please. The item sheet. SAM and LAURA: Oh. LIAM: That could have easily been a blank piece of paper. TALIESIN: But it wasn’t. LIAM: It wasn’t. LAURA: You should have looked at it more! LIAM: I looked at it plenty. TALIESIN: He also technically memorized it. LIAM: Sure. All the question marks. I memorized all the question marks. MATT: Doesn’t work that way. LIAM: No, that was too mysterious. MATT: All right. There’s some other muffled voices down the way. TRAVIS: We’ve got to get out of here. MARISHA: Yeah. We don’t want to be a part of this. LAURA: But wait. Is there another exit? Or is it back to the– MATT: It’s back to the Tri-Spires. LAURA: Oh, shit. MATT: You hear footsteps. LIAM: All right, come on, we’re going back up? We’re either fighting crownsguard or getting out of here. TRAVIS: Yeah, we retreat. Back the way we came. LAURA: (singing) Back it up, back it up, back it up, back it up. SAM: What are you guys doing coming this way?! We were going the other way! LIAM: It’s a long story, go. TALIESIN: Bad at this. TRAVIS: Be quiet, we’re being followed. SAM: Oh God! TALIESIN: Shh! (laughter) TRAVIS: Are you drunk, Nott? SAM: Not yet, but now I will be! MATT: You guys manage to head back up into the Tri-Spires, back into the alleyway. As you close and lock the thing behind, a voice in the back of the alley– you guys watch as two crownsguard approach and go, “Hey! You!” And both pull their swords to hold out in front, and one guy in the back, a third one arrives with a crossbow up to you guys and says, “Hands up, weapons.” LIAM: One, two, three? Don’t know who you’re point– oh, everybody? MATT: This would be all of you guys as you got out of the sewer. SAM: We came back up. Oh, shit. MATT: “What’s your business?” LAURA: We were scared, things were falling from the sky. LIAM: We took cover in the sewers. MARISHA: We were working at the festival. We’re just trying to get out, man. LIAM: Has the danger passed? MATT: (chuckles) I will say, since it wasn’t a single person, I’m going to ask for a deception roll from both of you, since you were the first two to speak up. SAM: This is going to be great. LIAM: 15. SAM: Why do you get advantage? LAURA: Oh, I don’t know why I took advantage. MATT: Yeah, don’t get advantage. Roll one more. TALIESIN: Or you can take the lowest? No? LAURA: No, I don’t want to do that. TALIESIN: Okay. LAURA: God damn it. Nine plus– 12. MATT: And you rolled a– LIAM: 15. MATT: They take a moment. “Get out, we’re investigating.” They move in, and they don’t take their arms off of you. They get behind you and move you out of the alley, into the street, and begin pushing you guys in the direction of the outer wall of the Tri-Spires. MARISHA: I say, sir, we have coworkers that were working at the festival. Do you know anything about this attack? MATT: “We don’t have any information at this time, just get out, we’re still checking. Please.” You see the tower, still listing but held in place. There’s this flickering arcane energy underneath it that occasionally a wave goes (whooshing) that’s holding it aloft. You can see crownsguards are now– some are shifting in the streets, going and weaving through the buildings, and there’s a bunch at the actual exterior wall, and they eventually push you through, and lead you into the central part of the city. LAURA: Are they still with us, or did they push us away? MATT: They pushed you away, and you guys are now in the Interstead Sprawl. TRAVIS: We should stop by the Song & Supper Inn, see if we see a friendly face. LAURA: Let’s go, before they realize we were down there with the guy. MARISHA: As we walk, I’m going to ask Fjord, did you catch any weird twitches, or any signs that he was lying? TRAVIS: Yeah. I don’t know if you saw, but his eyes and his nostrils flared when we mentioned Ulog. I have a feeling our small dwarf friend was involved in quite a bit more than we were aware of. MARISHA: You know, maybe we were assholes for not noticing that him handing over his entire life savings was a little suspicious. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Did he give that to us before? TRAVIS: Yeah, down in the basement when we were talking. LAURA: He gave it to us already, or it was an after sort of thing? TRAVIS: We didn’t get it yet. MARISHA: I don’t think we got it. LAURA: He was lying. He’s not giving us any of the money. TRAVIS: Even more reason to find Dolan. SAM: He showed it to us. TRAVIS: It was part of the pot, yeah. LAURA: I bet it exploded when he did. He exploded. LIAM: That is correct, right? We have not been paid. MATT: No, you have not been paid. SAM: Except for the 112 platinum we just got. MARISHA: Which is pretty dope. LAURA: What-what! TRAVIS: How many gold is a platinum? MARISHA and TALIESIN: Ten. TRAVIS: Damn! MATT: Who are the two that are keeping point, leading you guys to the Song and Supper? TRAVIS: I am. MATT: Make a perception check, please. TRAVIS: 13. LAURA: I am, too. MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: You asked for two people! MATT: I did. LAURA: Nobody else spoke up. 14. MATT: 14, okay. You catch it first, and you corroborate it. As you guys are heading down the road, near the sewer exit where you guys were previously, there’s a commotion gathering on the side of the street. SAM: Should we go check it out? TALIESIN: No. LAURA: Is there a crowd around it? MATT: There is a crowd gathering now, and you hear gasps and people starting to shout. LIAM: I send Frumpkin scurrying between people’s legs into the crowd, put my hand on Beau’s shoulder and go blind. MATT: You can see now, crownsguard are coming out of the sewer, and they’re dragging the dead body of the dark elf that you had seen below, and throw it onto the ground. People are like (gasps), and they’re looking at it, and some folks are talking. “I’ve never seen one up close like this.” There’s this murmur in the crowd as all about the guards are like, “Don’t worry, don’t worry. Both of them "are dead. You’re safe now, thanks to the might and the trust of the empire. The king keeps you safe.” LIAM: Do Frumpkin and I see the doohickus? The dodecahedron? MATT: You do see it being held by one of the guards in one of his hands, yeah. MARISHA: All right, let’s all be clear that whatever the empire wants, they’ll fucking take. SAM: Why don’t we take that thing from them? Those guys don’t know what that is. Let’s go get it! MATT: Two of the guards pick the body up, and one of them puts it over his shoulder, and all of them cluster together as the crowd follows them. Some of them are taking sticks and poking at the body as it goes. The guards are like, “Please, stop, no.” LAURA: Can we run interference and try to trip the guard and get the thing back? SAM: Sure, if we want it. Do we want it? TRAVIS: Oh my god, we’re going to try and get it now? MARISHA: You can disguise yourself. You can disguise yourself as Crick! LAURA: What if we go try to look at the body and then we accidentally fall on one of the guards and we make him drop it and then Nott picks it up and runs away? MARISHA: I’m definitely super injured, but this sounds fun. MATT: They’re heading in the direction of the King’s Hall, it looks like. LAURA: I run up and try to look at the body. MATT: Okay. So you move and weave into the crowd. LAURA: Whoa, what is that? Is that a dead body? Whoa, I’ve never seen one of those! MATT: You push up and look, and the body has deep lacerations all through the torso and back. It looks like they cut him until they were sure he was dead. MARISHA: They’re in an alleyway? MATT: They’re heading down the street right now, they’re turning the corner heading down to the main thoroughfare. LAURA: Can I trip and fall right in front of the guard that’s carrying the thing? MATT: You can if you want to. LAURA: I’m going to trip and fall! Right in front of him. TRAVIS: We had it in our hands! MATT: (laughs) Okay. LIAM: I’m going to cast Disguise Self as a crownsguard and just follow. Just see what’s happening. MARISHA: I’m going to parkour elf, get on the– Elf? Monk, get on the roof of the nearest building. MATT: Okay. Make an acrobatics check, just for the hell of it. Just to see how fast you get up there. MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. 16. MATT: 16? And make a stealth check, please. LAURA: Yeah, but now they want it, I want it back. Because it hums. MARISHA: Natural 20. ALL: Whoa. MATT: All right. As you dart off onto the rooftop like Batman, you just vanish amongst the night sky. And you? LAURA: I’m tripping and falling in front of the guard carrying the thing as I’m trying to look at the body. MATT: Okay. Make a deception check. SAM: I’m casting Mage Hand, just in case. LAURA: God damn it. Why deception? I’m just falling. MATT: This is as you falling forward, “Ah!” and make a scene. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: This is just to see how– LAURA: Oh, well, I rolled a five. MATT: Okay. So the guy’s– as you fall in front of him, he’s like, “Please, miss, move away.” And two of the guards rush forward and start picking you up and shoving you off to the side. LAURA: Oh, man. I want to trip him. MARISHA: Where’s Nott? Where are you? SAM: I’m just following behind. Behind Jester, by 30 feet or so. MATT: More people are coming out now and gathering the crowd around, to see them pull this dead Crick through the street. Word’s getting around and people are– LAURA: As they try to pull me away, I’m going to try to hook my foot around the ankle of the guard carrying the thing and, as I’m standing up, try to trip him to the ground. MATT: Okay, I will say make a dexterity check, if you don’t mind. Just a straight dexterity check. TRAVIS: What is the matter with you? LAURA: 21. MATT: 21! You barely manage to–Your foot doesn’t quite reach, but your tail does. As it scoops around his ankle: (yelps). He falls back and lands– LIAM: Don’t drop it! Don’t drop it! MATT: And you are disguised as–? LIAM: As a crownsguard. I was walking alongside. MATT: Okay. Okay! MARISHA: Come on, come on, come on! MATT: Okay. And you catch it. The guy starts getting back up. LAURA: Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry! That hurt my tail so much. I’m so sorry! Are you okay? MATT: He grabs you by the front of your armor and goes, “You need to get out of our way.” LAURA: I’m sorry. It just looked so inter– I’m really impressed with how well you took down that guy, though! MARISHA: I follow Caleb as he traces around, but on the roof. MATT: Okay. That guy pushes you off– TALIESIN: I’m standing with Fjord, in shock and horror. TRAVIS: Yeah, just full, “Ah.” MATT: He starts looking around the ground. LIAM: I start doing that thing where I was taking steps, but not walking with them. And then I started walking backwards. (laughter) MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check, because you’re holding a glowing, undulating device. LIAM: I thought it was, like, black and glowing. It’s white and glowing? MATT: It’s like a deep grey. TALIESIN: I swear we just had this conversation. What changed? LIAM: Pretty good for me. Pretty good for me. That’s 14. MATT: 14? LIAM: Yeah. Dressed as a crownguard. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I crouch down on the roof above Caleb, and I go (bird coo). SAM: May I–? MATT: You may. SAM: Seeing Caleb walk away with the object, I’m going to cast Silent Image, and make the image of the object, glowing, about 30 feet away from them on the ground. (dissonant humming) MATT: So there’s two of them, currently. SAM: Yeah, I guess. LIAM: One in my hand, and one on the ground. But I’ve got it like this. MATT: What’s your spell DC? SAM: My spell DC is– It’s plus– Oh, sorry, hold on. Silent Image is– Come on, D&D Beyond. MATT: What’s your intelligence modifier? SAM: It’s plus three is my spellcasting modifier. MATT: Okay, so it’d be 13, would be your spell DC. SAM: Okay. MATT: Okay. I will say that the two guards that noticed you leave with the object, even though they’re coming over to be like (confused stuttering). They see the other object over there, and they both get confused and look at the two. As they’re standing, trying to figure out what to do, they both split. One goes for the object over there; one goes for Caleb. He’s catching up to you and goes like, “Hey! Hey. We’re going to the– We’re going to the hall of the king.” LIAM: Oh, I just want to get it away from the crowd. This thing seems dangerous to me. MATT: “Right, right. Well, come on.” And the two of you turn around; he guides you to turn around. You’re now walking, trailing behind. LIAM: Let’s just– a little further back, like another ten feet. I don’t know if this is going to blow. It’s better that it’s just you and me. MATT: All right. Some other townsfolk are starting to, like, walk up to get a look at this object now that the crownsguard are holding. LIAM: So what’s around? MATT: So, you’re off, you’re behind the group. The large cluster is moving maybe about 60, 70 feet ahead of you now. You are back– when it was turning onto the main street is where all this transpired. So you’re a little bit off, past the corner of where they are. They’re just starting to curve out of sight. And you are walking with the guard now in that direction, slowing down. The other object that you caused the illusion of is the other way, and the guard has about 100 feet or so to walk to get to it. And he’s partway there and he hasn’t quite learned what the scenario is. LIAM: Yeah, good, so I cast Friends on this crownsguard. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Does that make it drop? LIAM: No. It’s not concentration. MATT: What’s the saving throw on it? LIAM: It is– SAM: It just gives you– MATT: Is there a saving throw? SAM: Advantage to charisma rolls. LIAM: Yeah, advantage to charisma rolls. If he’s not under attack or thinks he’s threatened. MATT: Oh, all right, cool. LIAM: Advantage on charisma checks at one creature of your choice that isn’t hostile towards you. MATT: Yeah. And he is not currently hostile towards you. LIAM: So listen. Don’t die for this. I will take this. Just walk ahead. This thing blew a hole in the side of that tower. MATT: Make a deception check, with advantage. MARISHA: Come on, Caleb. LIAM: Okay. 15. MATT: 15? LIAM: The first was a one. MATT: As soon as you say that– Oh, shit! Thank god for Friends. TRAVIS: (stabbing sound) MATT: As soon as you say that blew the hole in the tower, you watch him take an instinctual step back. “Right. I’ll go catch up.” LIAM: We’ve seen balls of fire take out half a city block. MATT: “Right.” He darts ahead, looking over his shoulder as he starts to try and join up with the crowd. LIAM: I turn into an alley. LAURA: (pigeon cooing) Cover it up. Walk away. TALIESIN: You can turn into an alley? MATT: Make another stealth check, because there’s other folk now that are coming out and are seeing this. The other guard has just now gotten up to the illusion. LIAM: Wait, are there other guards around me? I’m sorry. MATT: No. There’s the other guard that was paired with him that went off to go after the illusion that Nott had created. MARISHA: Trying to avoid the paparazzi. TRAVIS: Molly and I are running after Caleb, since we saw the other guard. SAM: I’m staying put, and as soon as the guard gets close, I’ll make it slowly rise up into the sky, just like 12, 13 feet up. LIAM: Does that give me advantage? MATT: What spell is this? SAM: This is Silent Image. I can move it. I just can’t make it make a sound. MATT: Yeah, so as it drifts up in the air, the guard goes, “Uh.” Looks around. All the about 17 or so townsfolk had began to converge to look up at it. They’re all like, “Ooh.” They’re all excited looking at it. It’s definitely distracting the current group. The one guard there is like, “Go, back! Back!” to everybody. He’s starting to look nervous, because he doesn’t know why it’s lifting up, and he’s uncertain about what’s happening. You make a stealth check. You’re only getting it because they’re distracted by that. To try and duck into the alley unseen. LAURA: Am I near him at all? Can I give him a blessing? LIAM: Stealth? MATT: You’re not quite close enough. LIAM: It is a nine. TRAVIS: Nein! Sorry. MATT: So you duck into the alleyway, not sure if you’ve been seen. All right. What are the rest of you guys doing? TRAVIS: Molly and I are trucking after where Caleb just went through. TALIESIN: Walking at a very gentle pace in that direction. MATT: All right. MARISHA: I’m on the roofs, been tracking Caleb this whole time. On the roof. MATT: Right. So you guys go behind. As you begin to approach, you can see there are two teenage kids, a boy and a girl, that are dressed nice enough. Both are like, “Did you see what he was "holding? I want to see it.” They both go into the alleyway after Caleb as well. LIAM: Are there any doors or anything in here? MATT: In this alleyway? There’s no immediate door. It looks like there’s a solid wall on one side, and an arch that leads into a small walkway that leads between the buildings. If you keep going, then it splits off into a T intersection of alleyways, right or left. LIAM: I’ll take the left. MATT: You take a left? All right. LIAM: And just keep going. MARISHA: I drop down in front of the kids Batman-style. TALIESIN: Stay in school! MARISHA: Don’t take my fucking line before I get a chance to say it! TALIESIN: So sorry. I’m so sorry! MARISHA: Close, but different motive. MATT: So you land and they both go, “Ah!” MARISHA: Whatcha buying, kids? MATT: “Uh– uh–” MARISHA: You know that shit will fucking kill you, right? TALIESIN: Oh goddamn it. MATT: Make an intimidation check. With advantage. MARISHA: With advantage? MATT: With advantage because you just dropped down from the sky. MARISHA: Jesus, a natural one and a four. So five. MATT: Okay. The two kids go (scoffs). MARISHA: I take out my staff and I say: Do your parents know you’re out this late? Or are you trying to prove something? MATT: “It’s not worth it. Come on.” The girl, (sniffs) “Fine.” They both turn and walk away, kicking the dirt a little bit. MARISHA: And just for Taliesin, I say: Stay in school! (laughter) MATT: Perfect. TALIESIN: I’ve know you too long now. I feel sick. MARISHA: Yeah! TALIESIN: What a perfect stay in school moment. MARISHA: I’m going to stealth and try to track back towards Caleb. But make sure no one else is also following him. MATT: Okay. All right, so you guys dart off into another alleyway. You still do hear guards shifting, but you start hearing other people are talking. People are starting to go back to their homes. They’re whispering to each other. Listening in, you hear phrases being said, like, “The city’s on lockdown. This is crazy. I’m supposed to be leaving tomorrow!” LAURA: (whispers) This is a lockdown? Shit. MATT: You start hearing whispers about the gala, and like, “How many people were killed?” “Oh, I heard like 100 people were murdered.” “Serves them right, those fucking rich bastards.” You know, passing conversations. It’s now, the buzz of the town, even this late at night, as people are now either emerging to see the scene, or are returning to their homes, seeing what they have. But the crowd has dissipated, or at least the crowd has moved on towards the King’s Hall, and are probably in the process of trying to figure out what the fuck happened to the object they were carrying. You guys manage to dart off to the side of the is the eastern end of the Interstead Sprawl. You aren’t apparently followed at the moment, but you’re still holding this glowing– LAURA: Can we put it in the bag? LIAM: Ordinarily, I would say yes, and I might want to put something else in there. But for the time being, I don’t understand this thing enough. LAURA: (mumbling) You want to put something else in the bag? SAM: (giggles) LIAM: Let’s table that for now. I’m worried what will happen if this specifically goes into that bag. LAURA: Why? LIAM: Because that is an extra-dimensional pocket. LAURA: Yes. LIAM: And I don’t know what this is, and I am worried that it could potentially create– LAURA: A black hole and suck us all in? LIAM: Sure, let’s go with that. But maybe if we could procure a lead box to put this inside of, that will shield it from any possible searching that could happen for it. TRAVIS: A lead box? LIAM: A large, lead box, yeah. MARISHA: I don’t think we should go back to the Song & Supper. TALIESIN: I have a hooded lantern we can put it in in the meantime. SAM: It’s bigger than that. MATT: It’s about that large. It’s got two handles on each side. It looks like you’re carrying a lantern. LIAM: We need to find Dolan fast. We need to, I’m serious, find a lead box to put this thing in, because someone’s going to want this very badly. TRAVIS: Let’s split the party. It’s always the best idea. No, but seriously, we don’t need everyone for both. MARISHA: Fjord and I found an additional cellar, where we found that skeleton, behind the Leaky Tap. Doesn’t look like anybody– SAM: I’m still doing illusion shit. Have I finished that? MATT: All right, so at this point now, the guard, who’s down below, has called over like four other guards and they’re all at the bottom of it. Some of them are getting their crossbows ready to shoot if it does something. SAM: I’ll make it inflate, and then Salvador Dalí, start dripping. Just like (humming). MATT: As it swells and then behinds to drip, they all start backing away. The guards start pushing people away. The guy that was originally carrying it, with seven other guards, begins to approach the cluster. They have broken off from the procession with the elf body, and they’ve now joined up with the other guard. He’s like, “There it is! Stay back; stay back.” They’re all nervously waiting for this thing, dripping, and doing nothing, and they’re all scared. SAM: It’s going to start to boil and fizzle into steam, and dissipate. MATT: It does, and there’s a brief moment as everyone holds their breath. TALIESIN: Tinkerbell. MATT: And you hear a couple of local townsfolk go (scattered applause and cheers). (laughter) MATT: The guards all look at each other, very confused. MARISHA: (announcer voice) Thank you for joining us for Fantasma. The park is now closed. LIAM: I wish I could be a fly on the wall when those wizards hear this story from the crownsguard, just like– MATT: (dopey guard voice) “I don’t know. It just flew in the air, grew big, and then made sauce and "disappeared.” MARISHA: (dopey guard voice) “It was just like that cat I kicked the other day.” LIAM: (disinterested voice) “Yes, very good. Take a lollipop from the bowl and get out.” (laughter) SAM: Then I’ll try to rejoin them. MATT: Okay, you manage to catch up. You dart past two teenage kids that are cursing to each other. They’re both like, “Yeah, that woman was such a bitch,” as they pass by. SAM: I know who they’re talking about. MATT: Yeah. (laughter) MATT: At this point, when you guys are discussing what to do, you hear the little– Actually, we’ll say largely you don’t hear, but you see Nott appear at the cusp of your circle. You’ve caught up with the rest of them. SAM: What’s going on? Where are we going? LAURA: We’re going back to the Leaky Tap, I think. TRAVIS: Yeah, how about Beau and I will go to the Song & Supper Inn and we’ll meet you at the Leaky Tap. LAURA: Okay, and we’ll try to find a box to put it in. MARISHA: Nott, remember that additional cellar behind the Leaky Tap? SAM: The secret cellar where I found– nothing. Where we found a skeleton. MARISHA: Uh-huh. SAM: Yes. MARISHA: I think that might be safe. LIAM: You think the basement with a dead person is safe? MARISHA: It was super dead. Like, no one’s been there for a super long time. TALIESIN: I like this plan. LIAM: What is a super long time? Like ten years? What is that? SAM: Long enough for the body to decompose. MARISHA: Super clean bones. Like, at least, two years, I’d say. LIAM: That’s a conversation for another day. Let’s go. MATT: All right, so the two of you are making your way to the Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: Song & Supper. MATT: Song & Supper, right. The rest of you guys are going to the Leaky Tap, but finding a box on the way you said? TALIESIN: We’re going to see if we can find, like, a– LIAM: Just a shitty hardware store, man. MATT: At this point, it’s past midnight, and most of the market is closed. LAURA: Maybe Claudia has a lead box at her thing. MATT: You do still have a glowing beacon in your hand. LIAM: Okay, well, I’m going to take my cloak off and cover it. MATT: It does cover it up. It’s a very faint bit of glow that comes through the fabric, but it’s enough where it probably won’t be noticeable from a distance. LIAM: I’ve changed my mind, I think it can wait until morning, but for sure– Well, if she has one, good, but it’s a lot of disarray. LAURA: Yeah, but we need one. What if they try to find it, like, tonight, though? LIAM: Well, then let’s go break into a store and get a lead box. SAM: Wait, wait, why does it need to be lead? I mean, you can turn anything into lead, can’t you? LIAM: Not that particular material. SAM: Oh. Why does it have to be that particular material? LIAM: Because lead shields things from magical– from divination magic. TALIESIN: Would they sell a lead box at a magic shop? LAURA: Or even at the blacksmith’s shop? MATT: It’s possible. None of you are very well-versed in the ways of blacksmithing or lead objects, so– SAM: Pumat would have something. LIAM: But I would know that when I saw it. I know alchemy, I know all sorts of materials. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: We need a safe, is what we need. MARISHA: I think we can wait until morning, though. How’s the city looking? Are people ransacking? Are there looters? MATT: There’s no looters, no. MARISHA: Okay. It’s not that bad. MATT: No, and at this point now, the streets are fairly barren of crownsguard. They’ve all– aside from the cluster that you saw moving through, there’s a whole bunch at the perimeter gates of the Tri-Spire, and where they would normally be posted at the different corners of the streets, they are not. TALIESIN: Let’s hide it with the skeleton for now. We’ll put some of your thread on it? LAURA: Oh, that’s smart. TALIESIN: And that way it’ll be down there, unconnected to us just in case someone finds it, and if they do, we’ll know the minute they touch it. SAM: Smart. LIAM: For now. TALIESIN: For now. LIAM: Good. That’s it. That is a great idea. TALIESIN: Teamwork. Fine, let’s do this. SAM: Look at us! We’re like a team. MARISHA: Break! SAM: Break? MATT: All right, so you two are heading to the Song and Supper. Okay, and you guys are heading to the Leaky Tap? All right. So you head back. While you guys are heading that direction, you head to the Song and Supper. You manage to make your way there. It’s still open. It’s fairly empty on the inside, there’s only two patrons that are present at this hour. It seems like the commotion has drawn most of what clientele would have been in there at the moment, and there’s only two patrons that are both halfway into their cups, and pretty drunk or tired at this point. But you look around and you don’t see Dolan, you don’t see Horris, you don’t see Kara. TRAVIS: Nobody here. MARISHA: You think the whole damn thing was a fucking distraction? TRAVIS: Sure feels like it, doesn’t it? MARISHA: I really don’t like being used. Who’s at the bar? Is there anyone at the bar? MATT: Yeah, there is the general barkeep there, which would be– Clay Owens. MARISHA: Clay Owens? MATT: Yeah, he’s a balding, portly gentleman, middle age or so. As you walk in, he, “Aye, can I "get you something?” MARISHA: Hey Clay, how’s it going? Long night? MATT: “All right. Crazy night, from what I’m hearing.” MARISHA: I know, right? Can I go ahead and get a double to help with the night? MATT: “Aye, certainly. Here you go.” MARISHA: Had anyone come in tonight? Any one of the usuals? Seen Ulog? Seen Kara? MATT: “No? No. Oh no, Ulog was in earlier this evening.” MARISHA: Yeah? MATT: “He was here for a while, and then left with some friends. Think Dolan and his boy were in for "a bit. They rushed out in a hurry about an hour ago?” MARISHA: All right. You didn’t see them rush out with anybody? MATT: “Just the two of them.” MARISHA: Mention where they were going? MATT: “No, they just up and left. Figured they were done for the evening. They looked a bit hurried.” TRAVIS: Not that we’re looking for them, we’re– I don’t feel very well and I don’t have money for a proper physician. I’m sure we could find someone else. MATT: “Maybe. You could probably go to their home. That’s usually where they practice out of.” MARISHA: I think he got food poisoning from the finger food at the gala. You should never trust that shit. MATT: “Better get there soon, then. It’s kind of late.” MARISHA and TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: All right. Well, thanks, Clay. TRAVIS: Have a good night. MATT: “No worries, here’s your drink.” He gives you the shot. MARISHA: Slam it. Let’s go. TRAVIS: Yeah. Want to check his house? MATT: “I don’t– That’ll be a silver.” MARISHA: Oh, I give him a gold. MATT: He goes “I– uh–” MARISHA: Oh, I’m sorry, I was– It’s just the– Just keep it. It’s just the stress of the night. MATT: “Thank you kindly!” MARISHA: Sorry, I’m a little– maybe next time, it’s a round on you, right? MATT: “Of course!” He tucks it away. “Thank you!” MARISHA: Okay, bye. All right, let’s go. TRAVIS: You feeling that double? MARISHA: No, why? TRAVIS: Oh good. That’s good. I just– Damn, that was impressive. Yeah. MARISHA: Oh, my tolerance is like– TRAVIS: Beast mode? MARISHA: It’s at an unhealthy level. Let’s go. TRAVIS: You want to go by Dolan’s house? MARISHA: Yeah, let’s see if those guys are there. MATT: Okay, as you guys quietly make your way towards Dolan’s house, as you approach, there’s no light from the inside. Make a perception check, both of you. MARISHA: Natural 20! TRAVIS: And a 16. MATT: Nice! You both notice there is a quick bit of movement on the inside even though the lights are out. MARISHA: Someone’s hiding. TRAVIS: Yeah. Well, I’ll go up and knock. You want to go around back? MARISHA: Yeah, sure, make sure they don’t try and run. TRAVIS: Yeah. I knock and say, it’s Fjord with the Mighty Nein, open up! MATT: There’s a moment pause and the door opens up very quickly with just enough space to let you in. Do you go in? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay, you head inside. It’s dark in there, but you have your dark vision, so you look around and it looks like Dolan and Horris are both in there. Horris has a candle light with a side hood that’s keeping it contained to a small area. Dolan goes, “Oh, thank god you’re okay! We’re trying– "We don’t know what to do.” TRAVIS: It’s all right. Take a breath. Is there a back door to this place? MATT: “Through the bedroom.” TRAVIS: Beau’s going to be coming around the back, make sure she gets let in. MATT: “Okay.” Horris is in the process of taking things and putting them into a sack. They are basically rapidly– TRAVIS: You’re leaving? MATT: “We can’t stay here!” TRAVIS: Why? MATT: “If they trace anything back to us, they’re going to string us up in front of the tower.” TRAVIS: Take a deep breath, friend. Listen, Ulog is dead. He sacrificed himself in a very brave moment. He threw himself at the Richter, threw a gem in her mouth, and exploded in a Fireball. Listen, I think– MATT: “Great, so now we have a murder on our hands, too.” TRAVIS: I think– MATT: Horris goes, “Keep your mouth down! Please!” TRAVIS: I don’t think any of this leads back to us. We still have to complete our mission. We got to make sure that Lord Sutan is implicated in this, but right now we’re clean. MATT: “At this point, that doesn’t even matter. We can’t–” TRAVIS: The Richter’s gone! You have a chance to ascend to her seat! Wasn’t that the plan? MATT: “Yes, but if there is any chance they can bring that back to us– maybe we leave town for a "short time. Maybe just go.” TRAVIS: Stop. Don’t be a coward in this moment. If you want to help this city, if you want to help make the empire better, you’re going to have to stand strong. A little risk is going to come with this job, especially in that position. You knew the risk going into this, didn’t you? To put your money and your lives at risk? MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: 15. MATT: 15. He goes, “You’re right, we should–” And Horris goes, “No! What, do you want them to go "ahead and throw us in the dungeon? Is that what you want? I understand what you’re saying, but "none of us knew that the High-Richter was going to be dead! I’m sure they have ways of tracing that "back. What good–” And Dolan goes, “Calm down. Please. Maybe he’s right, maybe they don’t have a "way to bring it back. If we see this through–” Horris takes the satchel and sets it on the table, puts the candle below it and walks up, grabs the side of Dolan’s shoulders, and says, “I "understand, but I don’t want to lose you, and this scares the shit out of me.” They both take a moment and look at each other. Horris looks at you and says, “I think you’re right. Neither of us "know how to talk our way out of the guards if they come by, we’re not good liars.” TRAVIS: I understand. Fortunately, in this situation, you don’t have much to lie about. You were here. You weren’t at the Richter’s. You weren’t involved in it in any way. The Knights of Requital are going to take the fall for this, that would be the only tie-in. Ulog is dead. You have a chance to do some real good here. MATT: Horris nods. “Okay. Then we stay.” And Dolan says, “No, I stay. Just in case things go wrong, I "want you safe and gone. If this is to be turned around, I’m the one they’re going to look to. I’m "the one who actually has the political influence here. I’m the one who can talk and make a "difference, if that is to be done in the next few days, or the next week. If you can just, for a "while, trust me and just leave. Is that okay?” He looks to you, and Horris kind of– “Fine, but I’ll come back soon.” TRAVIS: We’ll keep an eye out. I promise. If anything needs to be shared between, you can rely on us to pass a message. MATT: Dolan nods. “Okay. I’m good. Sorry, Horris, I don’t need you for this. It would be stupid for "both of us, should anything go wrong, to be taken, swept up by this. Okay? Trust me.” TRAVIS: Are you in the house yet? MARISHA: Nope, I’m still out back. MATT: She’s still out back. MARISHA: (whispers) Fjord? Are you dead? TRAVIS: That’s Beau. MATT: Horris rushes off and opens the back door. MARISHA: While all this was going on, can I do a quick little casing, intelligence to see if there’s any thrown-away trash, burned evidence, or anything in the back? MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Fucking– fuck you, Gil. Six. TRAVIS: You love him or you hate him. LIAM: The big bad of campaign two. MATT: There’s piles of trash that are pushed in the corner. You look through and you don’t find anything that catches your interest. TRAVIS: Dolan, I know Horris and you both are worried. We’re still going to need that payment. Our efforts have incurred some damages. MATT: Of course. I don’t have Kara’s, but I have ours and I have Ulog’s. He left that with us before he left tonight. MARISHA: Did he let me in? MATT: Yes. He let you in at this point. Horris brought you in. He points over, too, and you can see there’s a smaller sack and a larger one that’s more of a backpack that seems to the be one that Ulog left. He goes, “Take them, please. That’s of no use to us.” At this point, Horris is letting Beauregard in, and knowing that it’s just the two of you, he puts his hand on your shoulder and says, “Keep him safe. Get him out if you can, please.” TRAVIS: Anywhere you prefer? Is there a hiding spot? MATT: "I don’t know. Just out of the city. Just out of the city for a week. That’s all I ask.” TRAVIS: Fair enough. We can do that. MATT: A cart rolls by and they all get very quiet. MARISHA: There’s a little town not far from here called Alfield. It might actually have use for a doctor right about now. TRAVIS: Beau has experience with this area. MATT: “Maybe. Okay.” MARISHA: Wait. Before you guys leave. It doesn’t matter based on what’s just happened. Is there anything that you guys know that we didn’t about any other of the members of the Knights of Requital that might have a more invested interest in an invasion or getting back at anyone in the Zauber Spire? Sorry. Yes. That was the right one. MATT: “Invasion? I’m confused.” TRAVIS: I’m afraid Ulog may have had a larger game to play. MATT: Horris slaps the shoulder of Dolan and says, “I told you there was something up with that guy.” TRAVIS: Why do you say that, Horris? MATT: “I just didn’t trust him. I mean, it took a while for us to be okay with each other, but he "was always on edge.” TRAVIS: He left us in charge of finding justice for his wife, and we intend to. MATT: “That’s something.” MARISHA: Seems like you all had your own individual motives for why you were part of the Knights of Requital. You sure yours was just because you wanted to be the High-Richter? MATT: “Anywhere I could help change the law of the town.” TRAVIS: Do I believe him? MATT: Make an insight check. TRAVIS: 11. MATT: 11. Hard to read, but he seems forthright. TRAVIS: All right. Let’s help Horris get out of the city. Stay low. Stay here. MATT: “I will. Thankfully, when all this went down, we were both in the Song and Supper, so at "least we have an alibi. I’ve just never done something like this before. Pardon my nerves.” You see his hands are literally shaking, and you see notice now he is very nervous. TRAVIS: Have a drink. It’ll help with that. MATT: “I will.” He goes off to the corner and pulls out a small glass bottle of liquor. He comes over, and him and Horris give a very tight hug to each other, and then separate. Dolan sits down, puts the drink on the table. “Thank you.“ TRAVIS: Of course. We’ll have to regroup, and we’ll get back to you as soon as we can. MATT: "Go.” TRAVIS: We leave. MATT: Horris comes with you guys towards the Leaky Tap. You guys make your way to the Leaky Tap. LAURA: Yes, we do. TALIESIN: Before we go in, we’re going to go to the basement. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I’m going to go upstairs to try to talk to Claudia. LIAM: I will say that on the walk, I would instantly Identify the stone. MATT: Okay, so you will cast–? LIAM: Identify. SAM: The stone? LIAM: From Sutan’s house. MATT: Oh, from Sutan’s house, I got you. Yeah. Here you go. A sending stone. One of two. You do not know where the other one is. SAM: Oh, intrigue. LAURA: Like we had? Like Vox Machina had? SAM: Who? What? Who are you talking about? LAURA: Oh, where you speak into it. Not like where you hold onto it and you transport? MATT: No, not that. That was a gate stone. This is essentially a means of communicating between two stones. LIAM: Once-a-day walkie-talkie. LAURA: Okay. MATT: You head down into the basement area beneath the Leaky Tap. Once again, the guard is pretty sparse. You’ll see one guard walk past, but their numbers seem to have been ushered elsewhere in the city. So you make it down there and you take enough time that you eventually get the lock back open that you left. You head down into basement. It’s exactly how you left it. SAM: This is the place. Are you with us? LIAM: Yes, I am. SAM: This is the place I was talking to you about. The skeleton’s right over there. TALIESIN: I say we put it behind the skeleton. LIAM: I go take a look at this skeleton. I would like to try to ascertain how long this fucker has been here. MATT: Make a medicine check. LIAM: Yeah. Not great at all, like all my skill rolls. Seven. MATT: A seven? Hard to tell. I mean, just looking at the level of decomposition, it’s been here a while. TALIESIN: Do I get anything from it? Is it a normal human skeleton? TRAVIS: “Do I get anything from it?” You creepy bastard. MATT: Make a medicine check to see if you can ascertain the creature type. TALIESIN: Ten. MATT: It definitely doesn’t appear to be anything beyond humanoid. The size, the shape of the skeleton, it’s a standard humanoid skeleton, but you’re not able to tell anything beyond that. LIAM: Here’s the thing. We can hide this here. It’s a calculated risk, which I am fan of, generally. But my thread, my magic would let me know if someone– no, never mind. SAM: What? LIAM: No. I can put a magical lock on the door to this basement as well. As well as an alarm. TALIESIN: An alarm and a lock? SAM: What would that do? LIAM: Well, the thread will allow me me to know if someone I didn’t want to be in here came in here. (distant clattering) MATT: That’s upstairs. LAURA: That’s me upstairs, talking to Claudia. And the spell will stop your average Joseph from coming in here. TALIESIN: I like this plan. It’s a good plan. SAM: All right. Very smart, as always. LIAM: But, you know, I think you and I should sleep down here tonight, actually. SAM: With the skelly? LIAM: Yes. (laughter) TALIESIN: I think we’re going to need you upstairs for some identification. I think it would be less suspicious sleeping down here. LIAM: I worry– well, I’ll tell you my concerns and that is that this thing is beyond comprehension, even. And the desire to get it back is going to be great. This– and I pull out the Sending Stone– is just a stone that I stole from Sutan’s house. This I’m not worried about. Would you put this in your backpack, please? LAURA: I’m not with you. I’m upstairs trying to get a hold of Claudia. LIAM: Oh, you’re not with us? I’ll have to ask Jester to put this in her backpack. TALIESIN: So noted. LIAM: But this thing was worth blowing up a tower for. TALIESIN: And if someone spies on it, I don’t want them to see you with it. SAM: If we slept in our rooms– LIAM: You cannot spy on a thing, as far as I know. You can spy on a place. You can spy on a person. TALIESIN: You can spy on anything, I imagine. I mean, it’s magic, right? LIAM: This is why I want the lead box. TALIESIN: Is that really going to work? SAM: But what if someone breaks in and we’re here? Then we’re attached to these objects. I mean, I’ll sleep down here if you want. Maybe we can get rid of the skelly first. TALIESIN: It’ll take 20 seconds to get here from the second that alarm goes off. LIAM: All right. TALIESIN: One night. LIAM: Okay. Well, let’s hide it. TALIESIN: Well. LIAM: Ja. From normal people. I put the same shitty rag on it that was on it before. MATT: Okay. Make a general survival check to pull things from the surrounding– LIAM: Two plus three. That’s five. TALIESIN: Can I help with this? MATT: Sure. You look at it, the job he did, and you’re like, “Yeah, I can probably do a little better.” TALIESIN: Yeah, I can! Is this survival? Seven. MARISHA: Always have someone check your work. LIAM: Molly and Caleb put the skull on top of it together. MATT: It’s fine. Essentially, you didn’t do a masterful job in completely camouflaging it, but it looks like it’s the rest of the objects that looks dusty and left there. LIAM: Did you say there were crates down here too? MATT: There were some barrels. There was an open crate with nothing in it. It’s a dusty, unused cellar. TALIESIN: Let’s put it behind the skeleton. If I came down here, I’d look in the crates. It’s the first thing I’d do. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: You would– Oh. Never mind, I’m not there. MATT: So you hide it up and put it off to the side. TALIESIN: I look in the crate. MATT: You look in the crate? You look inside and see a fairly rat-eaten sack of rice grains that have spilled out. TALIESIN: Awesome. MATT: As well as a lot of rat droppings in the crate. It looks like some of the wood at the bottom has been chewed through as well. LAURA: I’m not there. TALIESIN: Nope. Never mind. Damn. That was good thought, though. LAURA: That was a really good thought. MATT: Anything else, guys? TALIESIN: Thread. Lock. SAM: What’s wrong, Caleb? LIAM: I really think we should stay down here with it. SAM: All right. I’m game. TALIESIN: One of you, if not both of you. LIAM: Why don’t you and I stay down here for the night? You have anything you want me to identify, leave it, I can do that. You know what I have, I’m not leaving. SAM: What? I mean, we don’t know what Fjord and the grumpy one have discovered. Maybe we should go upstairs and reconnoiter with them and then come down here, when it’s time for beddy-bye. LIAM: I will stay with this thing. You go up. When they come back, you come back down. My gut tells me to stay close to this thing. SAM: All right. I’ll stay with you, then. LIAM: I’m glad. MATT: All right. TALIESIN: So we’re going to go in and out of this room several times tonight? LIAM: The entrance to this is in the back of the building, right? MATT: It is, yes. It’s in the alley. TALIESIN: That in no way is suspicious, but that’s fine. LIAM: Well, Nott, you go up. You can just Message me. SAM: Oh yes, I can do that. Should I do that and then come back later? LIAM: Yeah, and you come down here. SAM: You’re just going to stay here in this dank, dark room with a skeleton by yourself, no dinner. All right. MARISHA: Sounds like half the clubs in LA. SAM: All right. I’ll be back in less than an hour. TRAVIS: We got a quesadilla. MARISHA: Fuck! All right. I’ll go up and see what they are saying. MATT: While this is happening– LIAM: When they leave, I’m going to take the big item and put it on my person. I’m going to hold it, actually. MATT: Okay. As you’re holding it there, it’s strangely warm to the touch. The more time you spend with it holding it there. LIAM: I am not, like, looking into the abyss. I just don’t understand it and I’m just holding it there. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Okay. MATT: Okay. Let me see here. Okay. LIAM: Jester had all the shit, right? LAURA: I had all the shit! MATT: Yep. So you head back up into the Leaky Tap Tavern. There’s a handful of patrons, a lot of them are talking or whispering about the events tonight. Talking about, “The tower’s still up "there! It’s crazy!” The general conversation-hubbub through the room. LAURA: I go to the barkeep. Is Claudia awake? MATT: “Probably in her office.” LAURA: Okay! I go and knock on the door. MATT: Okay. “Who is it?” LAURA: It’s me, Jester! MATT: “Um, w-what do you want?” LAURA: Claudia! When we were over at the Gala, we saw things that were going on, it was crazy, a tower exploded and then all hell broke loose. Did you know someone tried to steal my stuff? MATT: “I did not know that. My apologies.” LAURA: Do you have maybe a safe or something? Because I don’t feel safe carrying around my jewelry anymore with me. MATT: “No, not on me. Well– "Come back in the morning, I might have something for you.” LAURA: Claudia, are you naked? Why won’t you open this door? SAM: Flush. MATT: “No, I am busy at the moment.” LAURA: Is everything okay? MATT: “Everything is just fine.” LAURA: Claudia. Blink once– knock– say you’re not okay if you’re not okay because you sound weird. MATT: “I’m fine. Do not worry.” LAURA: Okay. But you do have a safe I can put my jewelry in now? MATT: “It is currently in use, but I can swap it out. How long do you need it for?” LAURA: Well, I was going to put it in my room for as long as we’re here, if that’s okay with you. MATT: “Okay, then come back in the morning. I will have it cleared out.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Then it will be at use for you.” LAURA: Are you having sex? MATT: “No.” LAURA: Do you want me to come in? Are you okay? MATT: “I’m okay.” LAURA: You sound really weird. I try the doorknob. MATT: Okay. It’s locked. LIAM: Cue the horror strings. (violin screeching) TALIESIN: I have had this roommate. MARISHA: I was just about to say, Jester’s everyone’s little sister when you’re a senior in high school. LIAM: Jester’s face pushes through the door! LAURA: I get down on my hands and knees and try to look. Can I look under the door? MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage because you are looking through a tiny little gap in the floor. TALIESIN: Whoa. LAURA: Okay, well the first one was really good. Perception. Nine. MATT: Nine? You see there’s light in there and you can see Claudia darting back and forth behind her desk, moving very rapidly and with haste. Is grabbing things and seems to be writing something feverishly. But you don’t actually see her, you just see the bottom of her feet moving back and forth. MARISHA: Why are so many fucking people trying to skip town? TRAVIS: Shady motherfuckers. LAURA: Claudia, what are you doing? MATT: She stops in the space. “Um, I’m–” LAURA: Is everything okay? MATT: “Everything’s fine.” LAURA: Did you see the tower explode? MATT: “I heard about it.” LAURA: Can you let me in? MATT: Make a persuasion check. TRAVIS: That cuteness, man. TALIESIN: There should be an annoyance check. This is so great. LIAM: Give her advantage. Oh my god. LAURA: 15. MATT: 15. The door opens up and you can see Claudia looking as pristine as ever. Hair, makeup, everything done perfectly. “Come in, quickly.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: Closes the door, brings you inside. LIAM: Can I come in now? MARISHA: Don’t take no for an answer. LIAM: How about now? MATT: “I am aware that you and your team were involved in something this evening. Am I correct?” LAURA: Well, we were at the Gala because we were having some fun. MATT: “But you are not in any way, shape or form perhaps doing a burglary and job breaking in for "the Knights of Requital, yes?” LAURA: Who are that? SAM: Two floors below we’re putting a skull– (laughter) MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Who are that? LAURA: That’s actually a really good deception. 21. MATT: She looks at you confused and goes, “Well, regardless, your friends are involved in something "that as a precaution, as I have been housing certain meetings out of friendship with an "individual, there is danger that I might be pulled up in this. So I am preparing to sell off the tavern.” LAURA: (gasps) Wait a minute, but wouldn’t that draw attention to the tavern? MATT: “It will only draw attention to me.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: She walks over and finishes tidying paperwork on the side. LAURA: Who are you selling it to? MATT: Make a general charisma roll. Just for the hell of it. LAURA: Well see, this is why I– oh no. Ten? MATT: Ten? She goes, “To a friend.” LAURA: Oh. Friends are good. Can I have that safe though? MATT: (sighs) She kneels down at the side of the room and there’s a cloth put over a small table, like an end table, and she removes the flowers from it, pulls the cloth off and it’s a safe. LAURA: What’s it made out of? MATT: “Out of iron. What else would you make a safe out of?” LAURA: Oh. Okay. MATT: She pulls out a key and unlocks it, brings out a couple of bags of coin, brings out a couple other bags of something. You don’t hear any noise, the rustling as she pulls it out. Sets them off to the side, looks at you while she does so the whole time like– LAURA: Are those drugs? MATT: “Here’s your safe.” LAURA: Thank you. MATT: Hands it to you. It’s small. It’s heavy, but you’re pretty strong. “All right.” LAURA: Well, all right. Will you be gone in the morning, then? MATT: “Probably.” LAURA: Oh no! But Claudia, I really like you. MATT: “Well, I like you too. But that’s okay. Don’t worry. The woman I’m selling this to is also "a very good person and a good friend.” LAURA: What’s her name? MATT: There’s a brief pause, glances over at the paperwork on the table– LAURA: I look down at the paperwork on the table, too. MATT: “Lauren. Lauren Schvine.” LAURA: Is that what it says? MATT: It is. LAURA: (giggles) Okay. Lauren. That’s a good name. I heard when we were coming back that they were putting the city on lockdown, so if you’re going to leave, you should probably do it quickly. MATT: “I appreciate the information. I should be okay.” LAURA: All right. MATT: “Good night.” LAURA: Good night. Thank you, Claudia, for all of this. MATT: “Not a problem.” LAURA: I walk very slowly out of the room and keep looking over my shoulder as I’m doing it and smiling back at her. MATT: She watches and waits, sees you smiling, arms crossed on the desk, patiently waiting. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to put this in my room, thank you. MATT: The door closes behind you and you hear a (heavy sigh) audibly on the other side of the door. So as the rest of you begin to catch up and gather for the evening, we’re going to take a break! (cheering) MATT: Be back here in a few minutes to pick up from that point. We do have tonight’s Wyrmwood giveaway. That went all sorts of weird, interesting ways. Oh man. MARISHA: We almost killed a guy and then someone else killed a guy, we still reaped all the rewards. Good for us, guys. Good for us. MATT: Not all of them. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: There’s a lot of interesting ways that could have gone. All right, so we have the black walnut deck box from our friends at Wyrmwood here. Also, apparently comes with a Magic the Gathering pack. These have been in all the boxes so you get a little gift in there. This will go out to one winner. You have to enter Twitch chat, starting now. You can only put the word in once, or you’ll be disqualified, but the word tonight is “Threats.” T-H-R-E-A-T-S. Come into the Twitch chat, enter that. Once again, only, unfortunately, available to people in the United States and Canada, excluding Quebec. We’re trying to figure out how to fix that in the future, but weird laws in giveaways. Anyway, we’ll be back here in a few minutes. Much love and we’ll see you soon. [break] MATT: And welcome back. Way late on that one. LIAM: It was like a Pokémon, though. MATT: There you go. We have a winner. The winner for this evening is Iraginger. Iraginger, congratulations. MARISHA: Ey, represent! MATT: We’ll get that box to you ASAP. Well done. All right, so, bringing us back into the game, you all begin to converge back in the Leaky Tap. The party has reassembled, aside from you, who are staying down in the basement. LIAM: Hanging out with my new friend. MATT: Yes. SAM: Yorick. MATT: As you guys all gather together, what do you do? LAURA: Are we in a room? We should be in a room instead of in the– TRAVIS: Not downstairs? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Upstairs, yeah. Convene in-room. TALIESIN: There’s money and loot. Let’s take a look. TRAVIS: Convene in the girls’ room. It’s bound to be cleaner. LAURA: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: It’s all right. LAURA: We did have a pillow fight. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s down feathers all over the place. MATT: Yeah, it’s pretty (blows out lips). SAM: So we’ve got some stuff. What did we get? LAURA: (heavy thud) Nott, what is this made out of? SAM: This? I will taste it. I will lick the safe. MATT: It’s very… iron-y? It’s like licking a nine volt battery. LAURA: Is it made of lead? SAM: It’s ironic. It’s not what we want. LAURA: I really was trying to get a lead box. SAM: You did very well considering it’s after midnight and you got a metal box for free. LAURA: It’s true. SAM: I don’t know, can I tell it’s lead– I mean, iron, not lead? MATT: Make an intelligence check. Because you are an alchemist, I’ll give you advantage on it. SAM: Okay. Just a straight intelligence check? MATT: Yep. SAM: 15. MATT: 15? Okay, yeah. This is very definitively iron. You’ve tasted iron, iron filings and things of that similar nature and it has the same twinge to the flavor. SAM: Oh. It’s a very well-made safe. LAURA: Well, we can still put stuff in it if we want to. MARISHA: Where’s Caleb? He downstairs? TRAVIS: Yeah, where is Caleb? SAM: He’s downstairs for now, but I am in constant communication with him. MARISHA: What’s the last thing he said? SAM: I take out my piece of wire and I do my incantation and I whisper to it and I say: Did the skeleton come to life and kill you? Please respond to this message. LIAM: Everybody is dead down here. SAM: He’s a prankster. (laughter) SAM: He’s good ol’ Cay. TRAVIS: He’s down there babysitting our item? SAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: We’re going to want to take a look at these boots. These daggers. LAURA: Hey, Claudia was aware that we guys were in league with the Knights of Requital. MARISHA: Makes sense. LAURA: Claudia says she’s selling the tavern. MARISHA, TALIESIN, and TRAVIS: What?! LAURA: Yeah. Like tonight. MARISHA: How much? LAURA: To a girl named Lauren Spizzick or something. MARISHA: Shpizich? TRAVIS: Spinach. SAM: Lauren Spinach. LAURA: So she said she was selling it, and I said, “Wouldn’t that draw attention to the tavern, "though?” and she said no, just her. But if it does, and she knows, then maybe it could lead the guards to us, though. SAM: Should we change to a different hotel? LAURA: It might be smart, but that might be– SAM: Wait, she was selling this place because of us? MATT: As a note, so you guys recall, Horris is with you. MARISHA: Wait, what? LAURA: Wait, Horris came with us? MATT: Horris came along with you guys. TRAVIS: That’s my bad. Yeah, he did. MARISHA: I thought we just sent him on his way. TRAVIS: Yeah, we forgot to qualify that. MARISHA: Aw, fuck! I thought– LIAM: Make believe is tricky, guys. LAURA: Horris is in this room right now? MATT: Horris is in the room with you. LAURA: Aw, come on, man. SAM: I should put on my pants. TALIESIN: Let’s not be hasty. MATT: We’ll say, for the purposes of this, the door now opens to the room and Horris comes in after a drink to steady his nerves and goes, “Hello.” MARISHA: Did you bring me that drink? Oh, sit down. TRAVIS: Yeah, jeez, man. No sense of humor right now, he’s in shock, all right? MARISHA: Sorry. TRAVIS: Horris, we’re going to get you out of the city as soon as possible. Is there a destination you wanted to send him to, or point him in the right direction? MARISHA: I was mentioning Alfield, but really, it’s up to him, I guess. I don’t care. TRAVIS: Have any spots in mind that you can lay low for a while? SAM: Why does he need to leave the city? MARISHA: We walked in on him and his boy trying to skip town. TRAVIS: They were understandably rattled. It’s understandable, but Dolan’s going to try and stay to make the city a better place. Horris is going to remove a bit of the risk for himself for a bit. MATT: “Just for a little bit.” LAURA: You should go to the coast. You should get out of the empire. TRAVIS: It is lovely by the coast. MARISHA: Well, he said he only wanted to be gone a week, though, right? MATT: “About a week or two, until things–” SAM: Why do you need to leave? Who’s suspicious of you? MATT: “We don’t know yet. It’s just a precautionary measure.” MARISHA: You do know that leaving town itself is suspicious in its own right, right? Just throwing it out there. MATT: “We have an alibi, but if we both stay and we get found out, we both get arrested.” MARISHA: But you have an alibi. It’s hard to have an alibi when you mysteriously– MATT: “What do you want me to do, then?” MARISHA: I don’t give a shit what you– MATT: “She who questions everything and offers no answers. What do you want me to do?” TRAVIS: I think what Beau is trying to say is that you’ve made a wise choice in removing yourself for a bit. Did you happen to know the owner of The Leaky Tap? She’s apparently selling it. MARISHA: Yeah. Claudia. Also skipping town. MATT: “I don’t blame her, either.” LAURA: I don’t know if she’s leaving town. She’s just selling the tavern. TRAVIS: She’s selling it? Yeah. MARISHA: She knew we were holding all those backroom meetings, right? She helps you guys quite a lot. MATT: “As far as Dolan told me, yeah.” TRAVIS: Did you want to get out of town tonight, or did you want to wait until the morning, perhaps? MATT: “I can wait until the morning, if you don’t mind me crashing with you.” TRAVIS: Not at all. We have room in Molly and I’s room. SAM: You can take Caleb and my room. LAURA: Why? Are you not going to– SAM: We’ll be spending the night somewhere else. LAURA: (gasps) Where? TALIESIN: Well, we’re not going to speak of that in mixed company, but they’re dealing with other problems. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll lead Horris to our room and let him get comfortable. I’ll be back. LIAM: Just a quick aside, while all of this is going on. I place the thing in my lap and I pick up the skull. Oh, so many secrets, huh, Yorick? (gravelly) “Maybe you should tear it off your chest.” I don’t think that’s a good idea. “It’s driving you crazy.” Maybe not yet. “It’s probably a good idea.” You’re funny. TRAVIS: (gravelly) Red rum. MATT: Seriously. SAM: I get to spend the night with that guy. TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re going down there. MATT: All right. Anything else you want to work out, discuss, or plan? TALIESIN: Let’s divvy up the loot. I’ve worked it out, that’s 19 platinum apiece, and two gold pieces apiece. TRAVIS: Wow, fucking pay day! TALIESIN: With two platinum left over. MARISHA: How many platinum? 19? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. LAURA: That’s a lot of platinum. MARISHA: And two gold? TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. SAM: I’ll take Caleb’s share and give it to him. TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. LAURA: Okay, so we also got– let’s look. This sword. TRAVIS: What kind of sword is it? MATT: It’s roughly longsword length. It has this curved, hooked edge to it. The blade looks like it would not just slash, but tear as it went through flesh as well. It’s pretty wicked-looking. LAURA: It’s pretty wicked-looking. TRAVIS: Does it look like it has any magical aura emanating from it? MATT: I don’t know, can you sense magic? TRAVIS: Not officially. MATT: Then you do not know. SAM: I can take it downstairs later and have Cay-Cay take a look at it. TRAVIS: Cay-Cay, not to be confused with Kiki. MARISHA: Yeah! LAURA: We also have these really super cool spiky boots. TRAVIS: What do those do? LAURA: I think you put them on your feet and they protect them. TRAVIS: Molly, put those boots on. TALIESIN: Yeah, all right. How do they look? MATT: They look nice. TALIESIN: I think they clash a bit, but– LAURA: I don’t think they go with your pants. TALIESIN: No, not really. TRAVIS: You get an extra spring in your step? What’s it do? MATT: You take a moment and you feel… alert. TALIESIN: They’re caffeinated. Sorry. MARISHA: I didn’t expect you to wear platforms. LAURA: It’s weird to see the bottom of your pants because you normally have those thigh-highs on. TALIESIN: Oh, they’re very comfortable and they keep everything else clean. LAURA: Yes. Okay, we also have these three daggers, which look like– Are they ceremonial? Do they look– MATT: They look functional. They’re similar in design to the longsword. They’re not quite as intricate, and they’re much simpler. They don’t have the same grooves carved into the hilt, and they look like fairly decent daggers for either stabbing or throwing. LAURA: I lick one, then I lick the safe. Is it iron, then? MATT: You’re not certain what material they’re made from. It’s not the same as the– What are you doing? TALIESIN: I’m playing with the longsword. MATT: It’s got a great balance. LAURA: Oh, and we don’t have the armor anymore, we gave it back to him. MATT: Yeah, the armor you gave back, and then was scooped up by the Crownsguard. MARISHA: I look at Molly and I take out my bo staff. I say: Parry! and I go whack with the sword. See if anything happens. MATT: Okay. Do you attack him? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Roll for an attack. MARISHA: I mean, I told him I was attacking. TALIESIN: I’m going to parry. MARISHA: 20 total. TALIESIN: Boy, that hits! MATT: You attempt to parry cooly, and she hits you in the right eye. TALIESIN: Ow! MARISHA: Oh sorry, I thought we were just wrestling a little. TALIESIN: I hit her with the flat of the blade. MARISHA: Ow! Fuck! TALIESIN: Any effect? MARISHA: Do I feel anything? MATT: Pain. SAM: Why don’t I just have Caleb look– TALIESIN: Any effect? MARISHA: Yeah, a fucking headache! TALIESIN: My god, it works! It’s amazing! SAM: I’ll take the daggers, unless you can use them to throw, I can throw them at things, I think? MARISHA: Do the daggers seem special? MATT: The daggers seem to be simpler in design. You’re not sure if they’re special or not. I mean, the only person who can detect magic is not in the room. LIAM: We’re going to drag this out as long as possible. MATT: I know! MARISHA: I’m going to take one of the daggers and I throw it against the windowsill. TRAVIS: Window-seal? SAM: That’s how they say it in Kentucky. MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack. TRAVIS: Window-seal. MARISHA: Seal. Damn it, that’s true. What did you say? MATT: Go ahead and roll an attack. MARISHA: (singing) Don’t fuck me, Gil. 20. Sorry, 22. MATT: 22? Yeah. (vibrating impact) It sticks to the bottom of the sill; it doesn’t quite hit the glass, it manages to hit its mark and stay there, like a dagger. MARISHA: I mean, that was pretty awesome, right? SAM: I think that was more you than the dagger, though. MARISHA: That’s true. TRAVIS: Why are y'all staying in another place tonight? SAM: For safety. TRAVIS: Oh. Because of the thing? SAM: (loudly) Yes, because of– MATT: Horris isn’t in the room anymore. SAM: Oh. All right. LAURA: You take your pants back off. SAM: Yeah, because of the thing. Caleb’s idea. TRAVIS: You need any help? Backup? SAM: I’m the help. TRAVIS: Right. MARISHA: I think what Fjord meant was: can y'all be trusted? LAURA: Exactly. Will you send a message to Caleb and say, “Are we going to leave everyone else "tonight and steal the big ball?” Send a message to him saying that. MARISHA: Very valid question. SAM: All right, sure. I take out my wire, I do my incantation. I send a Message to him, I say: Caleb, are we going to abscond with the dodecahedron in the dead of night? You can reply to this message, and only I can hear your reply. LIAM: Tell them I’m not going to run off with it. SAM: Yes, we are. LAURA: Damn it! TRAVIS: Nott, why? Why are you going to– SAM: We’re not going to steal it! He’s scared of that thing, why would we take it away from you? MARISHA: Seems like he’s taken a few things that he’s afraid of. TRAVIS: Yeah, to be honest, that evening started to take a turn before the Richter showed up. Do you know Caleb to be sticky-fingered like yourself? SAM: We do what we need to do to survive. MARISHA: Wait, what happened? TRAVIS: Well, remember we were trying to leave no trace? Caleb was the architect of the plan, and there was a scroll that looked like it might have some magic to it, and he wanted to take it with. SAM: So what? The plan was to leave no trace, not take nothing. He was very clear at the outset that we were doing this for money. MARISHA: You do realize that missing things mean leaving a trace, right? SAM: No. TRAVIS: We were right there at the end, we were at the finish line. SAM: We caused a giant explosion, we destroyed a rug, we broke into two different places, Mollymauk was seen by guards outside of both; there was plenty of traces we left behind. I opened a box that froze me for an hour! LAURA: I know, and I saved you! SAM: Yeah, I’m pretty sure someone’s going to notice that that box has been opened! MARISHA: You realize you’re not helping your case, right? SAM: I’m just saying, him taking a scroll is small potatoes. MARISHA: We’d already fucked up the rug, we probably shouldn’t fuck up anyone else’s house. We were already implicated at one place, right? TRAVIS: Nott, it’s just a little reckless, wouldn’t you say? SAM: What Caleb does is well thought-out and always intentional and smart. TALIESIN: You’re a remarkable judge of character, you know that? MARISHA: Are you aware of what Stockholm Syndrome is? SAM: Stockholm Syndrome? MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: No, I’m not. Explain that to me. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s an Emon thing. MATT: Gerald Stockholm. SAM: What are you implying? TALIESIN: I think what Beau is trying to imply is– I’m going to use something a little more basic. Do you know the story of the scorpion and the turtle? SAM: Sure. The scorpion rides on the turtle’s back… TALIESIN: And then what happens? SAM: Whatever Caleb says happens next. (laughter) TALIESIN: The scorpion rides on the turtle’s back across a river. The scorpion stings the turtle, they both drown. What is the moral of this story? LAURA: Don’t be a scorpion. SAM: Stay away from the water, is what I take from it! TALIESIN: That’s true, but the full point of this, and the point I’m trying to make, is that with a group like this with very untrustworthy people, you’ve got to trust each other– because you have to trust somebody. You can’t trust not anybody, because you’re just alone. SAM: All right, so you are all apologizing for not trusting Caleb’s judgment. TALIESIN: We don’t trust you. LAURA: I trust you! TALIESIN: You’ve tried to steal from us twice. SAM: Not you. TALIESIN: You’ve tried to steal from us. Not me, us. This is where the circle has to start. We will support you in doing some ridiculous stuff, but you have to keep it outside. TRAVIS: We’re looking out for you, I mean. TALIESIN: And that means sometimes you can’t do the thing you want because it’s going to be better for everybody else, and sometimes everybody else is wrong, but you have to go with it. SAM: All right, and what exactly have you done to earn our trust? TALIESIN: Nothing, there’s been no earned trust– LAURA: I saved you! TALIESIN: I actually did take a crossbow bolt, knocked myself unconscious, trying to save your life! SAM: I’m not talking about life or death. TALIESIN: I saved your life! MARISHA: It doesn’t matter, wait. TALIESIN: And it doesn’t matter, we start from scratch! This is where it starts! SAM: I’ve saved your lives, Caleb has saved your lives– TALIESIN: When? SAM: Tonight. Caleb got that dodeca-fuckballs out of there by himself. TALIESIN: We didn’t want it! MARISHA: Okay, hang on, before we turn this into a pissing contest– SAM: He has slain things, he has saved things, and I have as well! If we’re talking about trust, what on earth have any of you people done to earn our trust? What have you done that we have requested? Ever? LAURA: I let you have a ring. SAM: I like you. MARISHA: It’s not about earning each other’s trust. Look, I have worked with some skeevey motherfuckers in my day, very unsavory types. But you know what I trust? That they have their own self-preservation, right? So I can trust that these motherfuckers don’t want to get caught, and that they don’t want to die at the end of the day. If you want to do something skeevey on the side, let me know, I will help you out. But when we are all working as a team, I don’t want your actions to get me in fucking trouble. TALIESIN: So if you really don’t trust us, I’ll happily take that 40 platinum back, right now. MARISHA: We don’t have to trust each other, but when we are working on a job together, I want to know that you care enough about yourself that you’re not going to get me in trouble. TALIESIN: God, you’re making me agree with her. MARISHA: Fuck you, Molly. TALIESIN and MARISHA: Fuck you. TALIESIN: See? SAM: When we signed up for this job, Caleb was very explicit. He said we are doing this for coin and treasure, and that’s what we got. MARISHA: I agree with that. SAM: There was no surprises here, we’re in it for what we can grab for ourselves. TALIESIN: No, we’re in it for what we can all grab together. That’s how these things work. MARISHA: When you want to grab something for yourself, you let me know, and you go grab it for yourself, I don’t have to be a part of it. When we choose one objective together, I can only trust that you are in it with us. We can be selfish as a group, and then be selfish as individuals. TALIESIN: This is why the circus worked. This is why the circus was functional. TRAVIS: You know, Nott, you count on Caleb to keep you safe, right, to achieve greater things than you by yourself can achieve. Think how many things you could do with all of us by your side. I’m not saying you don’t have to be selfish, and I’m not saying that you can’t go after treasure and coin. SAM: I think there’s a bit of a misconception here. TRAVIS: Okay. MARISHA: Is there? SAM: Caleb and I have a very special relationship. It is that of a parent and a child. But I am the parent. You do understand that, correct? I protect him. He’s my boy, and I keep him safe. I want him to thrive and get better and better, and more powerful and stronger. Because he can achieve great things. When I found him, he was nothing. He was a scared little boy in the corner of a jail cell. As we have gotten more comfortable, he has gotten more comfortable and come out of his shell. It’s my job to protect him, because I love him, and I am his protector. Not because he protects me. TALIESIN: So do you think it would be a good idea to explain to him that he almost got himself killed tonight? Turning on a bunch of people he was working with, he almost got himself killed tonight for nothing. MARISHA: You’re not the only one who can have the same interests in keeping each other safe. TALIESIN: And you’re not nearly as smart as you think you are. TRAVIS: If I may, thank you for sharing that, Nott. MARISHA: Oh yeah, thanks. LAURA: That is so cute! SAM: He’s going to be a great man someday. LAURA: He will! He really will! TRAVIS: That changes things. I admit that I had the wrong idea about you two. I know what it’s like to feel responsible for someone. MARISHA: Man, super shame that Caleb’s not here for this entire conversation. TALIESIN: I try not to have ideas about people, they just get in the way. LAURA: I just want to go down there and hug him! TALIESIN: If you do, bring all of this stuff so he can actually do something useful. MARISHA: Let’s go down there, why don’t we camp in the cellar? SAM: That seems like it would be suspicious. TALIESIN: No, he created this situation, I’m all right with this. LAURA: Does he know that you think of him like his son? SAM: I don’t know that. TALIESIN: Well, we get to tell him now, don’t we? LAURA: No, we can’t out her like that. TRAVIS: Nott, we want to take care of Caleb, we do. We pulled him out of that house when that Fireball went off. We didn’t cut and run, even though it might have saved our skins. We care about you two. I hope in time you’ll learn to trust us just a little bit more. Maybe think about protecting us as well, because you seem to do a great job taking care of Caleb. TALIESIN: And stop expecting people to earn things. You just have to sometimes go with it. SAM: I’ll have a talk with him. TRAVIS: I appreciate that. MARISHA: I mean, not as nice as what they said, if he ever does anything to get me fucking locked up I will beat him so fucking bad his ancestors on the next plane won’t fucking recognize him. SAM: That’s very nice, Beau. MARISHA: Thanks, I’m trying real hard. SAM: Yeah, I could tell that there was at least six more fucks in there that you held back. (laughter) SAM: That’s progress. MARISHA: Yeah, progress. I am an HR liability. LIAM: What about in the game? TRAVIS: So when are you planning to go down to keep an eye on your boy? SAM: As soon as you give me the stuff you want identified. And you’ll have to trust me that we won’t run away with it in the dead of night. LAURA: Oh, now I feel like you really will because everyone was just mean. TALIESIN: We literally caught you stealing our stuff. Here’s an extra platinum. SAM: Hey, you’re the one who hypnotized me into talking about stuff. TALIESIN: I did. SAM: Yeah, you think that’s what friends do to each other?! TALIESIN: When they catch them stealing their stuff, yes they do. SAM: I don’t think so. You think that’s cool, Beau? MARISHA: You caught him stealing your stuff? LAURA and SAM and TALIESIN: Her! MARISHA: You caught her stealing your stuff? TALIESIN: Fjord’s stuff, technically. SAM: I was not stealing! I was searching for something to steal. TALIESIN: She was stealing. LAURA: What were you trying to find? SAM: That’s besides the point. TALIESIN: Here, you can cast Friends on me, I’ll tell you everything you want to know. SAM: I don’t have Friends, he hasn’t taught me that one yet. TALIESIN: Oh gods, suddenly I’m compelled to answer everything truthfully! Oh no, more of whatever you’re drinking, I can’t help, stop, ack! MARISHA: This is the most I’ve liked either one of you motherfuckers. TALIESIN: I feel that. TRAVIS: Nott, how about you take those items to Caleb and call it a vote of confidence. TALIESIN: There was an extra platinum in there. SAM: All right. MARISHA: And I pull out my bo. And I put it down and I say, but I’ll find ya. If anything else happens. TRAVIS: I think he’s got the point. TALIESIN: Take the items and the unearned trust downstairs. SAM: Maybe you guys can have a talk with her tonight. TALIESIN: Oh no, that’s coming too. SAM: I know she’s drunk, but– LAURA: She’s pretty drunk. You’re pretty drunk, Beau. MARISHA: Y’all don’t fucking know me. (laughter) SAM: I’m going to leave now. TALIESIN: Take the things, we’ll see you in a bit. SAM: Have a good night, don’t break into our room. I’ll go down with Caleb. MATT: Caleb, as you’re sitting there talking to your skull. LIAM: Oh, that was so brief. That was like five minutes ago. MATT: The door opens and Nott scuttles in, closes the door behind and comes and joins you. LIAM: How’s it going up there? SAM: I stole this fucking scroll for you. LIAM: It’s a scroll case, right? MATT: Which one are you handing him? SAM: The one from the Richter’s. MATT: That’s right, yeah. SAM: I got it. I went back and got it. LIAM: Does anybody know you took this? SAM: No. LIAM: I set it on the ground. I pull Nott closer to me, and I give Nott a kiss on the forehead. Thank you. SAM: Thank you for saving me tonight. You brought me back from the dead. Oh. I think you used a potion on me, didn’t you? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Here, take one of mine. I have two, it’s okay. LIAM: You are too kind to me. SAM: Of course. You keep me safe. LIAM: Well, you know, I think maybe you have guessed it before now, but I care a great deal for you, and that is no small gift. Thank you. SAM: Thank you. We lived, huh? LIAM: Another day. You know, a little bit of me is worried that this scroll case will explode, so I think we should check that out first. SAM: The folks upstairs gave me some more things for you to check out as well. Are these things you can do? LIAM: Yeah, okay. I can get this done in about an hour, I think. First, Nott, will you take the scroll case and put it on the other side of the room? SAM: Okay. LIAM: Yeah. I’m tapped, so this is all ritual spells now. So I will use a ritual spell to Identify the scroll case. MATT: Okay. The scroll case is a scroll case. It does have a faint magical element to it. The limits of what Identify can– LIAM: How big is this room down here? MATT: I’d say it’s about eight by 12. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: So smaller than this. LIAM: This is going to be funny. I take another ten minutes to summon Schmidt. SAM: Oh. LIAM: Come with me outside, okay? SAM: All right. LIAM: Okay. Schmidt, go open the scroll case. Come on! I shut the door. MATT: Okay, you both back out, close the door. SAM: (explosion) Oh no! MATT: You hear (boom). LIAM: That is what I was afraid of. SAM: Oh shit! Was it loud enough that anyone else could hear? MATT: You don’t know. TRAVIS: Are you fucking serious? MARISHA: Did any of us hear it from the second floor? MATT: Everyone else make a perception check, please. TALIESIN: Natural 20! TRAVIS: Natural one! LAURA: Ten. MARISHA: 13. MATT: You hear a slight shift in the ground. SAM: It was that Agoura Hills earthquake. MATT: Exactly. LAURA: Did you just fart? TALIESIN: You would think so, but no. I think they’re doing something. MARISHA: What? TALIESIN: I heard something. MARISHA: Are they trying to fucking escape? TRAVIS: I’m just eating bar popcorn. TALIESIN: It sounded like a thump. MARISHA: A fucking thump?! LAURA: That doesn’t sound like an escape. MATT: Everything’s messy. LAURA: I hope they’re not dead. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s something we can find out in the morning. LAURA: Does our room look down onto the alleyway? MATT: Your room does not, no. LIAM: So, at this point, back up a little bit, and I open the door and back up to see what I see. SAM: Smoke? MATT: A purplish dark fume wafts out. LIAM: I back away from it. MATT: You back away from it, and it dissipates over the next 30 or so seconds. You keep watch to see if anybody else notices, and it doesn’t. It rises up, and thankfully by the time it would hit the roof as a smoke beacon, it mostly has dissipated enough in the sky where it doesn’t cause a column of visible darkness. The edge that you’re catching of it, the little bit that’s wafting through, has this very fine metallic smell to it, almost. The brief bit that catches your nostrils, you feel your sinuses open up very abruptly, and like a mouth full of wasabi, it’s like (coughing). Eventually it clears out, and you walk inside. LIAM: So not a ball of fiery death. MATT: No, not a ball of fiery death. LIAM: Okay, so it’s cleared away, Schmidt’s gone, I assume. MATT: Schmidt is– LIAM: Well, if it wasn’t damage-dealing, he’s still there. MATT: It might have been damage-dealing. SAM: I forget how this works, does he have your hit points? MATT: Unseen Servant. LIAM: He has two. One or two. MARISHA: He has the hit points of a kitten. LIAM: One hit point. MATT: Oh yeah, Schmidt is gone. The scroll case is open. LIAM: Okay, so it’s clear. Next ritual spell that I will cast, I will gather the other items, except for the dodecahedron. SAM: Was there anything in the box? LIAM: Well, we’re about to find out. The dodecahedron is in my satchel at this point. I push all the other items towards the case and whatever is there, and I use ritual magic to cast Detect Magic everywhere. I just cast it. MATT: Both of the scrolls emanate– You see within the scroll case there’s now two rolled-up scrolls inside there, and they emanate a magical aura. The longsword emanates a magical aura, the boots emanate a magical aura, and your satchel is almost distracting, the vibrancy of the magical source from that object, the crystal-looking object. LIAM: I rearrange my satchel so it’s back by my butt, so I don’t have to look right at it. Okay, we have a little bit of work to do. I pick up the scrolls and examine them. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah! LIAM: (gasps) TRAVIS: What the fuck? MARISHA: What, why are you getting teary, what is happening? SAM: It’s a good spell. MARISHA: Was it that good? LIAM: Come here, come here! SAM: What did we get? LIAM: I pick her up and I hug her. SAM: What did we get, what did we get? LIAM: This will be good for the group, this will be good for you and me, this is good. It’s something that I was not able to do. I’ve been trying to figure it out for months and I have not been able to figure it out and now I have it. SAM: Yes! LIAM: Okay, let’s look at these things for everybody else. Okay. Ho, ho, ho, let’s Identify all this shit! I spend the next 40 or so minutes– SAM: Sinterklaas! MARISHA: Santa Klaus! LIAM: Ah. Yeah. SAM: Oh, and these daggers, too. LIAM: Beau might like these. These are good. Yeah, these are good. Okay, so. All right, we’ll put these away. This is a very good blade. This might be a good blade for you. Why don’t you hold on to it? You hold onto that. SAM: It’s a longsword? MATT: It’s a longsword. SAM: Can I use that? LIAM: Oh. Let me see. I thought that was the daggers. SAM: (fake crying) LIAM: So the daggers are not magic? MATT: The daggers are not magic. LIAM: Not magic. MATT: They are just base daggers. LIAM: No, this is bigger than you. SAM: Too big for me. I know my limits. LIAM: Fjord or Molly would like this. They can decide. They can decide. I mean, really, these boots are good for anybody. These are good for– yeah. LAURA: Just tell us what they are! Just say it out loud! Just say it! LIAM: No, I’ll tell you on Christmas morning and not before! LAURA: You’re killing me! LIAM: We couldn’t do this at all last campaign! Now you have to wait 20 minutes! MATT: It’s true. LAURA: (groans) I wonder if I have Identify I could take… TALIESIN: There’s a way to do it. SAM: Well, should we go to sleep? LIAM: Oh, boy. SAM: Oh, here’s your 19 platinum, and your two gold, and one extra platinum for some reason, as if that were supposed to smooth things over. Oh, and also, they don’t trust us, they think we need to cooperate more, they’re trying– MARISHA: Oh! TRAVIS: Nope, you’re not there. MARISHA: Fuck! SAM: They are very upset– MARISHA: I’m not, I’m speaking as myself! MATT and LAURA: (shushing) SAM: They were very upset that we tried to take the scroll box. LIAM: Why? SAM: Because they are in the firm belief that it would have left some sort of clue that would have led the authorities to us by stealing something, after we had broken into two houses, stolen other things, torn up a rug– LIAM: That is the red flag. Not the arcane rug that was destroyed and removed, covering his precious things. Not Jester disguising herself as the High-Richter. SAM: Not stealing the seal. LIAM: And leaving witnesses who had seen someone who was not the Richter going in before the Richter– SAM: Sure. Also, she was dressed as the Richter not wearing the correct outfit. LIAM: Yeah. Ulog rifled through her desk and took some papers from there, but I did not see Fjord tear him a new asshole. SAM: Sure. But they are under the impression that, and this a fair point, that we are not very communicative or… We don’t behave as much as part of a team as they would prefer. I said that I would tell you and discuss. And so that’s where it stands with the weirdos. LIAM: Well, you know, I want this to work. So whatever they need. I definitely do not agree, but whatever makes it work. SAM: I think what would make it work is letting them take the lead a bit, and following. LIAM: Well, I have no interest in being a leader, do you? SAM: Oh no, not at all. LIAM: No. SAM: But we can just see how it goes, playing ball, I suppose. LIAM: Do you know that I was going to go to that school one day? SAM: The Soltryce Academy thing? LIAM: Yeah. Didn’t work out. SAM: What? You didn’t get in? LIAM: Oh, I didn’t get anywhere near it. I’m from a small town, and there was a lot of hubbub for me, and maybe, you know, a gathering-up of coin. But I fucked it up. SAM: Did you do something wrong? Or bad? LIAM: (whispers) Yeah. SAM: You don’t have to tell me what it was, or what you did, but is it something that you can be forgiven for? LIAM: (clears throat) That is not for me to say. But I have no interest in going. I will do it on my own. Correction: I will learn with your help. SAM: Our own academy? LIAM: That’s the idea. Ja. SAM: All right. It’ll take a little longer, probably. I’m not a good teacher. LIAM: Yeah, well, you know, anything worth going after takes some elbow grease and hard work, so. SAM: All right, well. I’ll help wherever I can. I do enjoy seeing you get new spells and new skills. LIAM: I haven’t had a friend in a very long time. The last few months have been… unexpected. SAM: I think for me, too. I’ve had more people throw rocks at me than conversations, and it’s nice. You know what, it’s nice with them, too. They don’t seem to mind that, you know, my teeth are a little– People find that off-putting, sometimes. LIAM: I do not. And I’ll tell you another secret. I like them, too. I get that they’re angry. I don’t agree with them. But I get it. SAM: Well, they’re not as smart as you are, so. LIAM: Or you, I would argue. SAM: That’s nice. LIAM: Well, you want to bed down with a terrifying artifact of awesome power? SAM: I prefer the skeleton, actually. LIAM: Okay. SAM: I’ll go on that side of the room. LIAM: Okay. MATT: All right. LIAM: Night, Nott. SAM: Night, Caleb. MATT: All right, so. As you guys all come to sleep for the evening, first off, we’ll consider this rest the milestone where you all hit level four. (cheering) MATT: So if you guys have decided on your adjustments in advance, you can do that. SAM: How do you do this on D&D Beyond? MATT: While you guys figure that out, if I could have everybody but Caleb leave the table, please. LAURA and SAM: (surprised sounds) SAM: Oh no. LIAM: Get out of here. MARISHA: What is happening to you now?! TRAVIS: Yes! SAM: I’m in the room! MARISHA: Are we doing the level four thing now? LAURA: So we’re doing it. MARISHA: Are we doing the level four thing, or we doing it after? TRAVIS: Just wait. MATT: Just set up your stuff except for your hit points; we’ll roll those when you get back. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Pick up and walk. LAURA: Okay okay okay! SAM: Where do we go? LAURA: This way! TALIESIN: We’re going this way. LAURA: Bye, Caleb! TRAVIS: I have to say it because Taliesin said it: (whispers) Don’t die. SAM: Bring your dice so we can roll. LIAM: I love you guys! I don’t mean the Mighty Nein, you’re assholes, but I love you guys! MARISHA: I’ll kill you in your sleep! Okay, bye! LAURA: You don’t roll a d20 for hit points, Sam! MARISHA: Grab all the dice. Grab all the dice! LAURA: I’m grabbing my bag! MATT: Don’t roll hit dice! Roll hit points when you come here! SAM: How do you play Dungeons & Dragons?! MATT: You won’t need dice! You’re fine. LIAM: We did it. We reclaimed our dignity. We did it. MATT: We did it. Totally. So, as the dark takes your dreams, sleep brings calm, brings peace, brings rest. There’s a soft hum that seems to radiate around you. A welcoming softness. A light, not quite white, not quite dark, it’s a grayish, familiar light, strangely. You feel it pull you forward, through stars. The distant night sky. You see beacons of light coast by. You see a dark sphere before you. Then there’s a flash of light, and you’re standing there and you’re holding the object in your hand which you keep. It’s welcoming. You look into it for a moment, and look ahead, and you see yourself. And you see another self. And you see another self. And a fourth Caleb, and a fifth Caleb, and an endless row of Calebs, all slightly different. All begin walking in different directions at once. You look down at the object and back up again and they’re all gone. You see a distant flame flicker. You feel yourself hypnotized by its movement. You look down again at it, and there’s something wonderful and ancient about this thing. You can’t grasp it. Its scale is both too large and too small. The more your mind tries to make sense of it, the more you feel yourself walking in 17 different directions at once. All those Calebs you saw before are all within you and they’re all pulling at different sides and it confuses you. It scares you for a moment, but once again you focus back on this object and the warmth is comforting. You look up again at the stars; they’ve stopped passing by. They’re held in place. And for the first time in a long time, you feel at peace. That’s the end of your dream. All right, let’s bring everybody else back in, please. You wake up in the cold, dark basement of this relatively unused cellar beneath the Leaky Tap. Come to consciousness with the most restful night’s sleep you’ve had in a long time, it feels, almost. You look over at Nott curled up right against your thigh, like a dog, asleep. Come on in. (laughter) SAM: I got scared of the skeleton so I came over here. MATT: (laughs) All right. So, first off, let’s go ahead and get a roll of hit points here, so we have– LAURA: Oh, gosh! MATT: We haven’t done this live on air before! LIAM: Oh man, here comes my extra one hit point. SAM: That was like two minutes. LAURA: We had no time! SAM: We had no time to do anything! MATT: That’s okay. So go ahead and roll. As a general rule, I reroll ones for hit points, because nothing sucks more for a character than leveling up and rolling a one. So now two is the new sucky baseline. So go around the table. You are rolling for hit points first, Fjord. TRAVIS: Oh, okay. A d8, right? MATT: d8 for the warlock, yes. TRAVIS: Seven. MATT: Seven, nice. MARISHA: d8 for the monk as well. A four. Right down the middle. MATT: There you go. MARISHA: Plus my con modifier, yeah? MATT: Plus your con modifier, yes. TRAVIS: Yeah, really, con modifier? MATT: Yeah, every level. That’s how it’s always been. TRAVIS: I just forget. 11 points. MATT: Caleb, d6. LIAM: Plus my con modifier, it’s a total of six. So I’m sitting at a big 25 now. MATT: Okay. SAM: I roll a d8? MATT: For you, yes. I believe it’s a d8. LAURA: Whoa, nice! SAM: Eight! MATT: Nice! All righty. SAM: When I leveled up, it already gave me two extra hit points. Why? LAURA: Because that’s your modifier. MATT: That’s your modifier. SAM: Okay, so now I add the extra eight. MATT: You add the eight to it. Yeah, it automatically adds your level up to that. Roll yours. LAURA: Aw, three. MATT: There you go. TALIESIN: d10, no con modifier? MATT: No, you get con modifier. TALIESIN: Okay. MATT: Every class gets a con modifier to hit points. TALIESIN: All right. Six! MATT: There you go. SAM: Oh my god, I just got ten extra hit points! LAURA: That’s amazing. MATT: All righty. LAURA: I feel like that was really bad. That was a really bad roll. MATT: It’s okay. Sometimes you get better rolls than others. SAM: No, she’s dead now. MATT: (laughs) If you don’t roll at least four hit points, you die in your sleep. LAURA: Yes, that’s the rule. MATT: If you die in the level-up, you die in real life. All right, so anyway, continuing. The hit points are the main thing, and your abilities, we can keep tabs on that if it comes into play, and we can define stuff after the episode tonight. But anyway. As you all come to consciousness in the morning, the day is before you. What do you wish to do? TRAVIS: I’m going to see Horris. MATT: Horris is already awake and looking out the window, and looks nervously. TRAVIS: Horris, do you need an escort out of town, or do you think you can find your way? MATT: “I mean, an escort would be nice, just to have somebody I can work with in case things go bad.” TRAVIS: Of course. Have much coin do you have on you? MATT: “On me? 20 gold.” TRAVIS: Oh, you’ll be fine. MATT: “It’s enough to last me a while, yeah.” TRAVIS: Molly? Molly! TALIESIN: Huh? TRAVIS: Wake up. I think I’m going to escort Horris out. Be back as fast as I can. TALIESIN: All right, we’ll wait for you. TRAVIS: All right. TALIESIN: I’m going to wake up and go see what the girls are doing. MATT: Okay. You guys get to get your breakfast started and such. You guys begin to walk, heading southward, since that was where the Alfield suggestion was, making your way. The general bustle is still happening. There’s still not a lot of crownsguard on the street corners you’re used to seeing them posted at, and as you make your way towards the southern portion of the Interstead Sprawl, to the southern gate, you can see why. The exit gates are swarming with crownsguard. The portcullis is down, with the smaller side doors open, and every person who enters and exits is being interviewed and being checked as to whether or not they’re allowed to leave. It seems that lock-down is very serious during this investigation. Horris immediately clamps up and grabs your arm and goes, “I don’t– I don’t know–” TRAVIS: Stay casual, stay calm, just turn and we’re going to slowly start walking back. Just act normal. MATT: “Okay.” You both slowly make your way through that intersection and back, and no one seems to pay much mind. They’re consumed with the current hustle and bustle at the gate. As you guys are walking back, Horris is like, “Is there another way out? Is there someone, something you know–” TRAVIS: There always is. And if all else fails, there’s the sewers. You’re not opposed to getting a little dirty to get out of town, are you? MATT: “No, no, no.” TRAVIS: We’ll want to wait until we have more of the others, just in case. I’m afraid the sewers might be being cased as well, so stay put for a little while longer, we’ll find you a quiet spot in the Leaky Tap, but let me check with the others. MATT: “Okay, okay.” All right. As you guys are getting the rest of your morning on, what do you want to do? LAURA: Get the rest of my morning on. MATT: Getting your morning on. TALIESIN: I’m going to point out, because I took Tough– MATT: Oh yeah, all right. TALIESIN: So I’m at 49 hit points SAM: Ooh! MATT: Damn, dude! SAM: That’s a lot! TALIESIN: But now I burn through more to use my swords. SAM: Do we have to find Dolan now? TRAVIS: No, we found Dolan last night. He’s going to stay put in his house, low. We’re going to try and assure that he’s safe so that he can, you know, put his name up for that High-Richter seat. MARISHA: We’ve got to figure out what we’re doing with this thing. TRAVIS: But listen, the gates, it’s not a joke, it’s sealed. There are crownsguard swarming all over it. It seemed like they were doing personal interviews, pat-downs, the whole smash, so even an enchantment might not hold up to scrutiny. LAURA: Wasn’t there a woman who was also (whispers) part of the Knights of Requital? MARISHA: Yeah, Kara. LAURA: What happened to her? MARISHA: She was the most shifty bitch. TRAVIS: We didn’t see her last night. She wasn’t at Dolan’s. LAURA: But she saw you guys. TRAVIS: Well, she saw– Yes, she did. LAURA: At one of the meetings. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: She never said a whole lot. LAURA: If anyone is going to turn us in, it would be her. TRAVIS: Perhaps. MARISHA: She’s the one I arguably know the least about– LAURA: Where’s Horris? Maybe he knows something about her. MATT: You look behind Fjord at this point, and in the doorway is Horris, arms crossed, biting his lower lip. LAURA: Horris? MATT: “Yes?” LAURA: Do you know where Kara is? MATT: “I honestly don’t. We scattered when the preparations were done to make sure we were far "apart so we couldn’t be traced together.” LAURA: Do you know where she lives? MATT: “I don’t, actually.” LAURA: Do you know what she does? MATT: “She says she occasionally works out of that really terrible bar, the Evening–” LAURA: The Evening Nip? She works at the Evening Nip? MATT: “I don’t go there.” LAURA: Okay. SAM: We’ve got to get our Nip on. Ooh, wait, maybe not. MARISHA: Well, Jester and I know the code to talk to the Gentleman if we ever want to do that. TRAVIS: Indeed. I was thinking that we might try and get Horris out now. That way, if a crownsguard finds its way here– maybe we should take him into the sewers, get him out of the city. LAURA: Do the sewers lead out of the city? TRAVIS: I imagine. MARISHA: Generally when a city is on lockdown, though, the sewers is the first place that guards are looking for shady people to leave. MATT: “That’s true.” MARISHA: Where’s our cart? We still have our gypsy wagon. SAM: Oh god, we haven’t fed the horses in days. MARISHA: No, we haven’t. (laughter) MATT: The horses are being taken care of. The horses will be fine. The manticore head, though, that’s probably a whole different order of business. LAURA: The manticore head. Oh, I bet it smells so bad! SAM: So we left the horses at a stable or something? Okay. They’re not dead in an alley somewhere? LAURA: Oh god. TALIESIN: Trying to rip the cart off the dead horses. MATT: “Oh! Excuse me!” MARISHA: Is our cart in the city or is it outside the city? MATT: No, you brought it in the city with you. MARISHA: We can bury him under a pile of produce or something like that, try and sneak him out of the city. TALIESIN: I think we would need a proper smuggler for that. TRAVIS: Indeed. TALIESIN: A well-built cart with a secret compartment. SAM: Get a big catapult and just– MATT: “Do you know a smuggler?” TALIESIN: No, I don’t know a smuggler. I don’t know anybody in this city. SAM: Wait, we know a smuggler. LAURA: Yeah, we do know a smuggler. SAM: Who was the guy who first showed us around the city? LAURA: Ulysses! Ulysses Stanneras! TALIESIN: Oh god. SAM: Yeah. LAURA: He was in that yellow cloak. Remember? MARISHA: Also, you know who we haven’t checked up on? Bryce’s sister. Right? Her sister? SAM: Their sister. MARISHA: Their sister, sorry. Bryce’s sister. SAM: I totally forgot about that. TRAVIS: I did, too. SAM. And also there’s the Gentleman, and also we need a lead box. Oh my God, there’s so much to do! LAURA: We need a lead box. Should we go try to buy a lead box? SAM: Or maybe Pumat would have some sort of a magical-encasing– LAURA: But how would we tell him why we need it? SAM: He doesn’t care, does he? LAURA: Don’t you think somebody would be asking, “Who recently bought something that would protect "against scrying?” TRAVIS: Horris, we obviously have a lot to decide on. Perhaps it would be better if you stayed up in the room. MATT: “I can do that. I’ll lock myself in there, and let me know if anything comes up.” TALIESIN: We have some reading, if you like. I’m going to grab the copy of Tusk Love. (laughter) TALIESIN: Try and relax. But not too much. MATT: “All right.” Horris gives you a long look of, “I’ve learned a lot about you in the moment.” (laughter) SAM: We should write Tusk Love and sell it on the store. MATT: I’m sure the community is already halfway there, buddy. (laughs) All right. So, Horris is taken care of for the moment. What’s the plan? MARISHA: Is Broken Veil the name of a tavern here, or was it in Alfield? MATT: The Broken Veil? LAURA: I know I wrote it down. MARISHA: I think I messed up and I wrote down where she is, but I don’t know where– LAURA: I’m trying to find where I wrote down Bryce’s connections. I think I wrote it down in a different– MARISHA: No, wait. SAM: Was he in Alfield? She. They! Were they in Alfield? MARISHA: Yes. Bryce is in Alfield. SAM: Bryce Fayled? Fell-lid? Fee-lid? MARISHA: Yeah. Feelid. Bryce Feelid. Watchmaster Bryce Feelid. Elf. Leader of the guard. Very sweet person. These are all the things I wrote down. TRAVS: Great notes. Jesus. MATT: (laughs) TRAVIS: “Very sweet person.” MARISHA: Bryce despises the Dwendalian Empire, thinks they get no support being so far south from the Dwendalian Empire. He’s not from this region. And then I wrote down ‘Broken Veil’ and ‘Bluffs’. LAURA: So it’s got to be that. MATT: Okay, so yes, I know what you’re talking about now. Thank you for the heads-up on that. So the Broken Veil Bluffs is to the far, far east. That is where the border of the Dwendalian Empire and Xhorhas is. It’s actually where most of the conflicts happen. It’s where the garrisons exist. Where most of the army is sent to defend the Empire in the valley. TRAVIS: Level four, let’s go! (laughter) MATT: You are ready for this shit! LAURA: The radiation area in Fallout. It’s like, get out! Get out now! MARISHA: You’re unprepared! TRAVIS: (computer voice) You are leaving the combat area. MARISHA: So I didn’t– I don’t have the name of her damn– MATT: Their. MARISHA: Their damn sister! LAURA: And I can’t find it in these notes either. Shit. SAM: If Caleb was in the room when Bryce said it, then Caleb would know. MARISHA: I think Caleb was, because it was right when we said we were going to Zadash and Bryce was like, “Go look at this person.” Sorry, I choked on my spit. MATT: Bryce was the one that sent you to the Leaky Tap. Bryce is the one that sent you to Claudia. LAURA: Yes. MARISHA: Wait, is Claudia his sister? MATT: No. MARISHA: Am I going around in circles? MATT: I think you’re going in circles. SAM: There was no sister? MATT: I don’t recall there– LAURA: –being a sister. It was Claudia! SAM: Well, if Matt doesn’t recall the sister, then it was Claudia! MARISHA: It was Claudia. Was it Claudia this whole time? MATT: I was like, what did I say about Bryce’s sister, oh shit? MARISHA: It was Claudia. Never mind! SAM: Mystery solved! LAURA: No wonder I don’t have it in my notes. MATT: There you go. Once again! SAM: We did it! LAURA: We figured it out! TRAVIS: Chat’s like, “Fucking idiots.” MATT: If I did say sister, remind me. SAM: Well, that takes one thing off the list. We still need: The lead box! Get Horris out of town! The Gentleman! What else? TRAVIS: The Leaky Nip. What’s it called? LAURA: The Evening Nip. SAM: That’s the Gentleman also. MATT: The Leaky Nip?! LAURA: That’s going to be me in a few months. TALIESIN: Bam! Bam! MATT: That’s a different establishment. (laughter) TALIESIN: That’s a daycare. LIAM: Wow. This ain’t your kids’ D&D, right there! SAM: The Leaky Nip? I mean, the Evening Nip, should we go there? LAURA: No, we need a lead box, that’s probably more important. MARISHA: And get Horris out first, right? TRAVIS: Pumat’s got to have a– LAURA: Or a blacksmith. I feel like a blacksmith would be more– SAM: He was telling us about blacksmiths before. There’s the Spark Hammer Smith. We could go to the Spark Hammer Smith in the Pentamarket. LAURA: Yeah. Let’s go to that. TRAVIS: Have we been there yet? SAM: I think we actually have been there before. LAURA: Yeah, that was the first place we went. SAM: Yannick. Jan? MATT: Caleb. LIAM: Yeah? MATT: For the hell of it, make an arcana check. LIAM: Sure. I’ve just been nerding out over my leveling up over here. MATT: I know. SAM: He got 75 new spells. LIAM: Oh, I rolled a one, Matthew. MATT: Fuck, okay. TRAVIS: I rolled a natural 20. LIAM: I rolled it really badly. I’m not good at dice. MATT: It’s fine. All right, continue. LAURA: You need to take Luck as a feat again. LIAM: It doesn’t always work out for you anyway. TRAVIS: I know magic some! SAM: I’m a student of magic. TRAVIS: Not enough, DM says. MATT: It’s not about not enough, it’s placement and what you have and where you are. So what are you guys doing? SAM: We’re going to go to the Spark Hammer Smith’s. Smithy’s. MARISHA: Yannick and Jan. MATT: You find your way there. Yannick is inside currently, working on hammering out the edges of a piece of armor. “Hello. Can I help you?” LAURA: Yes. Do you make anything out of lead? MATT: “I mean, I certainly can. Depends what you’re hoping to have made.” LAURA: Could you perhaps make me a really pretty– so, my mother is a big fan of things made out of lead. She said she likes the color of that metal. MATT: “That’s a very curious liking, but sure, I’ll take it.” LAURA: She gets a lot of things in gold and stuff and so she says that lead looks very different from that and she thinks it’s pretty. MATT: “Hey, I’m not judging.” LAURA: So I want to make her a really pretty jewelry box out of lead. MATT: The halfling scratches his temple and goes, “Well, I mean, if you’re willing to pay, I can make it.” LAURA: Okay! It’s like she has a lot of jewelry, so something like around this big. MATT: “It’s going to be a lot of lead, and a few days to make it.” SAM: Can it just be lead-lined? Is that a thing? LIAM: It can be thin as a sheet of parchment. LAURA: Oh, so not a whole lead box, maybe like a box made out of wood and then pretty lead on the inside. MATT: “That there’s a little more easy to put together.” LAURA: Or maybe on the outside so she doesn’t realize it’s not made of lead? LIAM: It doesn’t need to be as– Am I here? I’ve been doing this with my spells. MATT: That’s up to you. Sure. LIAM: It needs to be sealed all the way around and be able to close. LAURA: He’s a good friend of my mom’s. MATT: “Right.” SAM: Everybody knows her mom. MATT: “Okay, we’ll go ahead and get started on that there. Full cost to you, two days’ work, materials. "That’ll run you back about one and a half gold. One gold, five silver.” LAURA: I think that is acceptable, yes. MATT: “All right.” LAURA: Here. Will you also engrave it with, “Love you so much”? MATT: “It’ll be an additional silver.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “All right. Come back here in about 48 hours. Should be good.” LAURA: Okay. If we give you more, could you make it faster? MATT: “I could certainly do my best.” LAURA: I noticed they’re blocking up the gates, and I need to get it to her because her birthday’s coming up. MATT: “I am but one small halfling, so you’re going to have to wait one way or the other.” LAURA: All right. MATT: “Sorry.” LAURA: Okay. Thank you. MATT: “No worries, mate! Come back then.” MARISHA: Our blacksmith is Taika Waititi. So into it. LIAM: Are we all in a group, though? Sorry, I really did have my head up the ass of level four. MATT: You guy haven’t said you’ve split, so I imagine you’re all as a group. LAURA: That’s a couple days. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Should we check with Pumat Sol and see if he has something like that? LIAM: Like a lead– I would pay premium price to get a hold of a lead box right away. MARISHA: You all keep talking about this Pumat Sol guy. TRAVIS: Have you not been to the Invulnerable Gentleclerk? MARISHA: No. I don’t do the magic stuff. I tend to do other things. LIAM: Yeah, but this is more like an experience, like Sleep No More. You have to go and– MARISHA: Oh, really? LIAM: Yeah, you have to see it for yourself. We do have a lot to do, but this is a functional trip as well. TALIESIN: I’m normally not impressed by eccentrics, so this is really impressive. LIAM: This is a functional trip as well. A gentleman like Pumat Sol– gentlemen like Pumat Sols– would most likely– because they understand divination, and the needs of the arcane. MARISHA: See, it feels like an inside joke. TALIESIN: It is. LIAM: We want you to be in on it. LAURA: He would be more aware of what we’re asking for, if we asked for it. As opposed to the blacksmith. LIAM: Yeah, he would not be surprised by the question. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Also, come over here. Please. LAURA: Just me? LIAM: Well, whoever– everybody hears this. Come closer. Yeah, so– TRAVIS: (belches loudly) (laughter) MATT: My hair went (wind sounds) on that one. LIAM: I look around to see if anyone was distracted by Fjord’s large belch. MATT: At the moment, no. It seems to be a common thing here in the Pentamarket. LIAM: All right. I know you’re all a big fan of my sticky fingers. I took this from Sutan’s house. SAM: What is that? What does it do? LAURA: What is it? LIAM: It is a sending stone. It’s a communication device. This was in Sutan’s house. This was under the rug that we destroyed and removed. LAURA: That attacked us, you mean. LIAM: Yes, of course. We did what we had to do. We improvised. Like Fjord told me the other day: you have to improvise. This stone has a twin somewhere and we can talk with it. I don’t know who it is. Honestly, my opinion is, the probability of someone trying to find us, searching for this thing, is like looking for a needle in a haystack in a newly made warzone. However, in the meantime, I was wondering if you’d hold it inside of your fancy bag, because– LAURA: Will they be able to find it through the fancy bag? LIAM: I believe not, because inside your bag is somewhere else. It is not even on this plane. LAURA: I hold it up to my ear. Is anybody trying to talk to me right now? MATT: Not at the moment. LIAM: Let’s put that in your bag right away, because we don’t know what’s on the other side of it. LAURA: How do we– oh, okay. Can they hear me talking to it right now? LIAM: There is a very, very small chance the answer is yes, so please put it in your bag right now. MARISHA: So you started stealing stuff in the first house? LIAM: Yeah. That is what I said that I was going to do. TRAVIS: To be fair, he did say that. TALIESIN: We had the talk. I’m willing to let it slide. MARISHA: We had the talk with her TALIESIN: That’s fair. Ah! Sword. Boots. Daggers. LAURA: Wait. Don’t pass it out out here. TALIESIN: Oh, not right here, of course. LIAM: Do we want to do it before Pumat, or after Pumat? LAURA: Before. SAM: One little interjection. Couldn’t we use the sending thing to find out information if we sent a message? LIAM: All we could do is say hello to a stranger. We don’t know who it is. LAURA: Would it hear our voice, or would it– ? LIAM: It would hear our voice. SAM: We could disguise our voice and say, “We’ve been made! Send instructions!” and find out what happens. LIAM: That is true. Just keep it in the bag for now, just in case. MARISHA: That’s pretty good, though. LIAM: Yeah. We could certainly roll this over in our minds and see if there’s something we could do with it. If someone is going to look for this thing– and, again, probability very low– but if they were going to look, it’d be right away. It’d be a couple of weeks. LAURA: What if we say to it, “Hey man! We found this stone on the ground. Who do you belong to?” What do you think? TALIESIN: I think that’s– It could be dangerous. It’s better if they initiate, because then we learn information immediately. SAM: Sometimes if you scroll through and find a listing for mom? LAURA: I know, and then you call the mom? LIAM: I believe possible that at some point a message could come through it. TALIESIN: That’s what I was thinking. LIAM: But we don’t know. I just want– for the next two to four weeks– I would prefer to keep it either in a lead-lined container or in that bag. Chances are small, but if someone was really determined. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: It’s possible. LAURA: All right. It’s in the bag. TRAVIS: Pumat, or the rest of the equipment? SAM: We could probably divvy up the equipment at Pumat’s. He won’t ask any questions. TRAVIS: Let’s do it. LAURA: How do you know? How do you know he’s not working for the Empire? TRAVIS: He’s pretty nice. LAURA: The only store in the Empire. TRAVIS: He seems like a nice guy. LAURA: He’s probably working for the Empire. LIAM: I would agree with Fjord’s sentiment. If we took it out of my own bag– There’s four of Pumats so one of those Pumats would see it coming out of my own stuff. TRAVIS: Plus, we’re returning customers. LIAM: Yeah, that’s also true. MARISHA: Wait, what are you agreeing with? That he’s nice or that he’s working for the Empire? LIAM: No, that he’s nice. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: I don’t want to trust him. LIAM: We could also go to a breakfast shop and do it there. MARISHA: The two aren’t mutually exclusive. We know that, right? He can be nice and working for the Empire. LAURA: I had a dream about Pumat Sol attacking us. SAM: You did not! TRAVIS: Attacking us? LAURA: I did. I had a dream about it. SAM: What?! That seems terrible! LAURA: This is Laura actually. I did have a dream. MATT: What, are you serious? That’s terrifying! TALIESIN: I was starting to go in that direction of: Is this a real thing? LAURA: No, it really was. It was a dream that Pumat Sol betrayed us and he attacked us all. Anyway– TALIESIN: This is Clarota aftershock. LAURA: I’m just letting you know. We don’t know anything about him. SAM: Oh my god. TRAVIS: I think if you give him a chance, he’ll do you right. SAM: (banjo music) LAURA: Anyway, I don’t want to bring out all of this stuff from the assassin guy in front of him! TALIESIN: Let’s go shopping at Pumat Sol’s and then we’ll divvy up everything when we’re in private. MATT: You guys making your way to the Pentamarket? LAURA: Yes. LIAM: (Pumat voice) Respectfully, we are. MATT: Okay. It’s still early morning, relatively. You make your way to the warm, welcoming interior of the Invulnerable Vagrant. There are no other patrons in there. You do see, across the way, one Pumat Sol is sitting behind the counter with knitting needles. There is one off to the side in a chair that’s currently reading through a book, the small set of glasses on the tip of his wide nose. They both look up and go, “Why, hello there! That’s just a real nice thing to see you this "early in the morning. Just about to finish my breakfast snack, so you caught me at a good time.” MARISHA: The fuck? LAURA: Are you open all the time? SAM: This is normal, it’s okay! MATT: “Not all the time. We generally do a cycle of sunrise to about four hours past sunset. That’s "our general scheme that we maintain business.” TRAVIS: Pumat, we’d like to introduce you to one of our friends. This is Beau. MARISHA: ‘Sup? MATT: “Beau? Well, the pleasure is respectfully mine.” He reaches out, giant hand encompasses your entire fist. MARISHA: Little clammy. MATT: He puts the book down. Takes his glasses off. “What can I do for you?” LAURA: Well, my mom’s birthday is coming up, and she really likes boxes that have– Do you have a lead-lined box? MATT: “We’ve got quite a few here currently containing items that require shielding.” LAURA: Oh, good! MATT: “Yeah!” LAURA: Can we get one of those? MATT: “That can probably be done. How big a box you’re looking? We got them right around that "there. Then we got a bigger one about that there. Then we got one in the back that’s a biggie.” LAURA: Probably the grande. The middle. MARISHA: I was thinking the same thing! MATT: “All right. Let me go ahead and–” SAM: Wait! Mr. Pumat, what is it made of? What does it do? MATT: “Well, what the nice lady there is requesting is a box that is lined with the "material known as lead.” SAM: I’ve heard of the material, but does it have any other magical properties? MATT: “No magical properties. It’s just really useful for poisoning yourself if you put food "storage in there, poisoning other people if you store their food in it, and keeping at bay the "prying eyes of distant divination magics.” SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: I think we’re probably going to need a couple of healing potions as well. SAM: Yeah, to replenish. MATT: “Not a problem.” TALIESIN: I’m going to window shop, then! Thank you. TRAVIS: Pumat, we came into a little extra coin recently and this is our favorite place to spend. You don’t happen to have any articles of protection, do you? A necklace, a bracelet, a ring? MATT: “Well, we got this here cloak here on the wall. I think you’ve already taken a look at it. "That’s a pretty protective–” TRAVIS: It was expensive, right? TALIESIN: It was expensive. MATT: The other one who’s knitting is like, “Yeah, it’s a pretty penny because that’s a pretty item.” Goes back to knitting. LIAM: Sorry, how much precisely was that one again? MATT: “That one will run you about 800 gold pieces.” LAURA: Still out of the reach there. LIAM and MARISHA: (singing) How much is that doggy in the window? MATT: “We got this nice shield over here that we just had finished a couple days ago. That’s an "enchanted little delightful piece. That one is a little more affordable at about 550 gold pieces.” LAURA: What does it look like, though? MATT: The shield itself has the head of two lions, facing away from each other, with their claws extended. It has almost a diamond shape. It’s a pretty decent size. The coloration of it is a bright gold where the lions are. The back of it is a dull, almost graphite metallic, with a gold border around the edge of it. It’s very pretty. LAURA: What does it do? MATT: “This one? It improves your defenses more than a normal shield would. It instinctively "places the shield in places that might help protect from incoming blows, therefore making you "hard to connect with.” LAURA: Oh. That’s pretty cool. MATT: (whispers) “It’s a plus one.” (laughter) LAURA: How much is your fancy box? MATT: “The fancy box that you’re requesting, while not actually enchanted, it is taking away one of "the objects that we keep contained. So, respectfully, I’ll have to charge you the cost of "that one and a replacement, but that’ll simply put you back about 15 gold pieces total.” LAURA: It’s probably smart, though, huh? It’s probably made a bit better. MARISHA: I’ll go in on it. What was in the box though, originally? MATT: “That is none of your concern.” MARISHA: How much to make it my concern? MATT: “Your friend is a strange one.” LAURA: She really is. She’s always asking questions that are weird. LIAM: She is very useful in the right circumstances. MATT: “Oh, I can entirely understand that.” MARISHA: I’m right here! I can hear you all talking about me. LAURA: She can catch arrows out of midair. MATT: “That’s really impressive.” SAM: Mr. Pumat, I have another request. I know that I had requested, would it be possible to invent a small haversack? Just the pocket thing. But do you have any sort of magic incantation ability– if I gave you a flask, could you make it never run out of alcohol? MATT: “Actually, that is a very doable enchantment. It’ll take us a little while, but we "can definitely make something like that happen.” SAM: How much would that R&D cost me? MATT: “About a week’s worth of enchanting time, the cost will put you at about 250 gold pieces.” SAM: I’ll take it. (laughter) SAM: Here’s my platinum flask. Could you also put a nice little flourishy design on the side of the flask? MATT: “We can go ahead and outsource that. Yeah, we can make that happen for you, couldn’t we?” The one knitting goes, “Yeah, that’s not a problem at all.” SAM: Oh wow. LAURA: That’s a lot of gold. SAM: That’s nothing. It’s nothing at all. MATT: “You’re going to pay up for now, up front?” SAM: Sure. Here, take it. MATT: “Oh, the whole lump sum up front!” SAM: Yep! All up front! MATT: “I appreciate your trust in our ability.” Writes up a quick little piece of paper. Hands it to you as a receipt. LAURA: We should buy that box? LIAM: We definitely should. I will buy that box for us. How much was it? LAURA: It was 15 gold. MATT: “15 gold pieces for the box. You wanted two healing potions? That’ll put you back about 100 "gold pieces for the two.” TRAVIS: That sounds fine. MARISHA: Any other healing potions you got? MATT: “We got probably another dozen or so more if you want to buy.” MARISHA: I’ll take one more as well. TRAVIS: Here’s ten platinum. MATT: “Ten whole platinum. All right there. 50 gold from each of you. That’s a healing potion to "each of you.” LIAM: Also, I assume it is out of my reach price-wise, and I’m on a budget, but do you deal in arcane knowledge? Pre-prepared scrolls of any kind? MATT: “Yeah. We have certainly many number of various scrolls and scroll types and spells. If "that’s what you’re looking for, we can definitely provide.” LIAM: What is the range? What are your lowest rung, I guess I’m curious to know. MATT: “I’m going to go ahead and double-check here.” He goes through his ledger. “Let’s see. The "very basic ones, whether that be cantrips or 1st-level spellcasting, those are fairly common. "Those will put you back about 50 to 100 gold, approximately.” LIAM: DM, a question from Liam. Can cantrips be added if they’re found? MATT: I imagine they could. LIAM: Okay. TALIESIN: Greater healing potion, yeah? MATT: No, it’s a regular healing potion. Regular heal. “If you’re going up from there to 2nd- or "3rd-level, those’ll put you back probably closer to maybe 250-500 gold, depending, and then it "skyrockets from there.” LIAM: You know, I am interested in everything from the second level and below. Do you have a menu? MATT: “I mean, we have to order them from the Academy, but we can get them in here for you. Or "the Halls of Erudition.” LIAM: Give me a moment. Player’s Handbook! MARISHA: Taliesin, are you seeing– wait, no. Are you seeing the potion of healing? SAM: Go to your D&D Beyond app; it has all the manuals. TALIESIN: Potion of healing. MARISHA: I’m only seeing the greaters. TALIESIN: Careful if you’re filtering by type. I was having a problem with that. It’s “potion of "healing.” LAURA: We should probably get back and put the thing in this box, though. MATT: The box is presented, you pay for that, 15 gold. TALIESIN: It’s black. It’s not green, blue, or purple. It’s black text. It took me a second to realize. SAM: Maybe you should cancel the order. Have him make something else. LAURA: What should we have him make? SAM: A flask. MATT: A lead flask. It’s weird, every level the intelligence gets lower. TRAVIS: Well, should we go? LIAM: Hold your horses. TRAVIS: Oh, we’re looking up something. MATT: While this is happening, Pumat picks up the book again and puts the glasses on, and starts continuing to read. TALIESIN: I was doing a look around to see if there was anything new. SAM: Did we get any healing potions? MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: I got one. SAM: Do you need any more, Caleb? LIAM: No, I am very good, thank you. LAURA: I’ll buy a healing potion. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: Right, so another 50 off you. 12, nothing at the moment. It’s only been a few days, and the enchantment process and/or the coming in of new objects can take a while to stock back up. The shield is the most recent creation that was presented. That’s the only new one you see. Other than that, there’s still the pearl, there’s still the cloak. A few other odds and small wands. TALIESIN: The cloak was the most exciting thing. TRAVIS: Forgive me, I couldn’t help but wonder. Have you ever had a chance– Pumat Prime, rather– have you had a chance to exercise your arcane abilities? MATT: “Oh, if you want Pumat Prime, he’s in the back. I can go get him for you.” TRAVIS: Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind. MATT: “All right.” He puts the book down on the counter, glasses off, turns around, leaves. Comes back in, takes the glasses, puts them on, takes the book, and continues reading, while Pumat Prime comes from the back, once again, the large set of goggle glasses on, the apron on. “I was told that "I was requested to greet you with a ‘hello!’” MARISHA: What is happening? TRAVIS: These are all– What’s the correct term? LAURA: Sicrulalium? MATT: “Simulacrum. That’s the one, yeah. I know, it’s a little confusing.” TRAVIS: They’re all copies of this fine gentleman. Pumat, I wanted to ask, we’re such fans of your store, did you ever find call to, I don’t know, use your magic for combat? What led you to a store like this? MATT: “That’s kind of a personal story. Let’s just say I didn’t get along with my peers at a young "age, and found myself wandering. Got picked up by some nice mages that saw some potential. Took me "in and helped me hone my craft, and helped me set up a store, and here I am in Zadash.” TRAVIS: That’s great. How many years have you had this store? MATT: “Been running this place for a good 12 years.” TRAVIS: Congratulations. It’s really a thing. MATT: “Thank you.” LAURA: What mages were you with? What mages found you? Were they with the Academy? MATT: “Sort of. They were with the Cerberus Assembly.” LAURA: That’s right, you were talking about them before. MATT: “Yeah. They really–” Oh no. SAM: It gets caught in the corners. TRAVIS: Shake it out of the corners of the giant flask. LIAM: Oh no! MARISHA: What is hiding in those corners, though? SAM: Good stuff. MATT: “The main person who’s been of aid to me is the Headmaster Oremid Hass, who runs the Hall of "Erudition.” SAM: We still haven’t gone there, have we? We’ve heard about it, like, seven times! MARISHA: He runs the Hall of Erudition? MATT: “He’s the Headmaster of the Hall.” He scratches his chin for a second. “He’s the "Archmage of Cultivation within the Cerberus Assembly. He’s been a real nice beacon of "tutelage. He’s a bit rough on the edges, and seems tough, but he’s a softie. Especially when it comes "to small critters. Don’t tell him I said that.” For that one moment, you see a look of fear in his eyes. TRAVIS and LIAM: Small critters. SAM: Wait, he likes small critters? Like me? MATT: “Maybe? I don’t know. Anyway, I got to get back to work.” He quickly goes into the back room again. TRAVIS: Thanks for your time, Pumat! MATT: “Don’t mention it!” The one that’s reading off to the sides goes– SAM: He’s cool, right? MARISHA: That guy’s crazy! TRAVIS: He’s actually still here. MARISHA: Gah! LIAM: Let’s get back to business. I don’t know what you have on tap here, but I’m looking for something, just a cantrip, pretty common, shocking– MATT: “Shocking Grasp. I know what you’re talking about.” LIAM: You know how it works? MATT: “I got it myself. Anyone want to see?” TRAVIS: I would like it. LAURA: Okay! MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: “All righty. I like the gumption.” He goes and gives a big old handshake to Beauregard. Let me look that up real fast. MARISHA: I don’t know what I’m agreeing to. MATT: It’s an auto-hit, because you’re reaching out to it. You immediately grab his giant mitt, and a flash of white light and pain as electricity rocks through your body. You take three points of lightning damage. MARISHA: (yelps) Fuck! LIAM: That is the one. MARISHA: Get that! MATT: “That one will run you 75 gold pieces.” LIAM: Excellent. Pause. The other thing– MATT: “Hands. They look paws-ish, but yeah.” LIAM: The other one that I am interested in that is not really my forte, but many wizards believe it is of great benefit. Do you have the Shield spell? MATT: “We can get you a Shield spell. That’s a pretty standard defensive mechanism for those of "the arcane persuasion.” LIAM: How much will that run me? MATT: He thumbs through the ledger. “That one will cost you about 200 gold pieces.” LIAM: I will take the pair. MATT: “All righty there.” SAM: What was the first one? LAURA: Shocking Grasp. SAM: We’ll be twinsies. MATT: “275 gold pieces.” He sets his book back down, puts his glasses down, leaves the room for a second, and is gone for about a minute or so. Comes back with two scrolls and sets them on the table. LIAM: I will take those. Thank you very much, Herr Sol. MATT: “My pleasure.” LAURA: Did you just call him “asshole?” LIAM: That is Arschloch, so no. SAM: Wait a minute, what does that mean? LIAM: Which? SAM: Nothing. LIAM: Who’s on first? LAURA: Should we go? TRAVIS: Let’s get that thing in its box. MATT: “Anything else you guys require, or can you leave me to my reading?” SAM: Whatcha reading? MATT: “It’s a collection of crazy tales about this weird fella.” LAURA: What guy? MATT: “It’s The Daring Trials and Tribulations of Sir Taryon Darrington. This guy’s been all over "the place. It’s kind of wild.” (laughter) TALIESIN: Wow. Ten episodes. LIAM: Fiction, or…? MATT: Oh, it’s got to be fiction. (laughter) But it’s good fiction! TRAVIS: Are you fucking kidding me? LIAM: Well, sum it up for me. Give me the Tenser’s Floating Disk pitch. LAURA: No! TRAVIS: Oh my god! MATT: Well, let me finish my book before I tell you too much about it. Needless to say, he’s got this wild construct-looking friend called Dottie. And apparently, according to this thing, there’s these powerful folks from over there in Tal'Dorei that he’s been meeting up with that keep messing up every time they go on an adventure! Real thorns in his side! LIAM: We can relate. I’m a big reader. If you finish that, I don’t know if you are the kind of fellow who likes to keep every book he reads but– MATT: I got a collection. LIAM: Oh, ja, that makes sense. Okay. Well, I will look for it elsewhere, thank you. MATT: Sure, I got this shipped out to me from Deastok. Perhaps if you are in that vicinity, see that you get yourself a copy. LIAM: Oh, okay. TRAVIS: Bestseller or used book? MATT: I had never heard of it until this, so probably not that easy to find. LIAM: Would you be able to put in an order for this book for me? MATT: I mean, I’m not really a book retailer. LIAM: I understand, but you know many people. You are obviously a very knowledgeable fellow who has vast connections. MARISHA: I bet we could go back to the Chastity’s Nook for that. SAM: They will probably have it. MATT: That is probably a place to look for a book. LAURA: It sounds like smut to me. LIAM: It’s a dirty book? MATT: Not yet. LIAM: All right. Well, I wait for your full review. Thank you. LAURA: You just wait. MATT: All right. MARISHA: It’s called “The Daring Tales.” SAM: Sounds like shite, Caleb. There are much better books out there. LAURA: Let’s go. Come on, there are things that need to be taken care of, Caleb! LIAM: True. I got distracted. You know. TRAVIS: Pumat, thanks for your time. We will not be bothering you any longer. LAURA: But we will be back because we like you so much! MATT: You are always welcome any time! All of us are happy to see you come in and spend your hard-earned money. LAURA: Thank you. SAM: Goodbye. MATT: “Goodbye!” “Goodbye!” “Goodbye!” A little hand comes out from the curtain in the back. “Bye-bye!” LAURA: Let’s go! Come on, we’ve got to get back to the Tap! TRAVIS: We double dash back to the Tap. SAM: To the Tap? Why are we going there now? Oh, to the box thing! LAURA: Yeah, and to look at the stuff Caleb identified for us. MATT: All right, so you guys return. Do you head down to the basement? LAURA: Yeah! MARISHA: I make sure it’s still there. MATT: It’s still there. LAURA: Let’s put it in the thing! LIAM: So I put the box right down next to me and I put my coat– SAM: Is the skeleton alive? MATT: No, the skeleton is still dead. MARISHA: He didn’t bring anything back to life, that’s good. LIAM: Okay. So, this is better than it was before. You have monster calves, do you want to carry this now? LAURA: What, like, on me all the time? LIAM: I am– MATT: As he’s holding it, placing it over the box, there’s still that undulating low hum and grayish glow– LAURA: I mean, I can carry this box with me all the time, but don’t you think it’s weird to carry around a box all the time? TRAVIS: No. LIAM: No, people carry boxes. SAM: Can we put the box in the–? TALIESIN: The bag? SAM: Oh wait, we can’t put the box in the bag. TRAVIS: Why? SAM: Crossing the streams. MARISHA: But now we can put the dodecah-shit-ball in the box and now the box in the bag, right? MATT: Make an arcana check. SAM: Still crossing the streams. MARISHA: Still crossing the streams? LIAM: The lead is just to protect this item from divination. TRAVIS: 22. Plus four. LIAM: I am worried about crossing two planes of existence. It might not be that at all, but it is definitely not worth chancing. MATT: The essence, as you’re looking at this and concentrating on this object, trying to get a grasp on it now that you have a good moment to look at it. The school of magic, or whatever the source of the magic is here, escapes you. It seems almost beyond or separate than some of the magics that you’ve naturally learned through your acquisition of spells and the pact that you had made. But you don’t get the sense that it’s extraplanar or anything that would constitute the same level of danger that you think Caleb is focused on. LIAM: Tell me. TRAVIS: Yeah, I say that. LIAM: What, you have experience with things of this nature? TRAVIS: It seems like a different sort of arcana than the type that I’ve seen. LIAM: Okay, well, that’s fine. I’m going to walk about 200 feet away from you when you put it in that bag– LAURA: I put it in the bag. (laughter) MATT: Okay! I need you all to roll– no, I’m kidding. (laughter) MATT: Well, that’s a TPK. You plop it in the bag and it vanishes inside the pouch. LAURA: How long does it take to take effect if we’re all going to die? LIAM: It takes about two weeks, so I guess we’ll find out. LAURA: Eventually! I put my bag back on. TRAVIS: What else we got? LIAM: Oh yes, very good things. SAM: Yes, the items! LIAM: The daggers are just daggers, okay. SAM: I’ll take those. LIAM: Who cares about daggers, honestly? But this– I hold up this longsword which I can barely hold up. This would be good for either of you two. I will let you decide. Fjord, here. This is a very strong sword; it is very good against creatures. That is for you to look at. Then these boots would make anyone better, but I think that Beauregard might benefit from them the most. I could be wrong; I’m going to give them to Beau and let you decide. MARISHA: All right, all right. LAURA: What is it? What are they? What do they do? MATT: The downside is longswords are not finesse weapons, so you’d have to use strength to utilize it. TRAVIS: That’s pretty dope. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Pretty dope. TALIESIN: This is really bloody heavy. LAURA: Is it– TALIESIN: You could actually– LAURA: Could I use that? A longsword? MATT: Yeah, well, are you proficient with weapons like a longsword? Your weapon proficiencies? My Player’s Handbook keeps disappearing from me. SAM: Why do we only have one? LIAM: There’s another one, it’s just gone missing. TALIESIN: I know someone who might really enjoy this if you don’t want it. MARISHA: We have like 30 Handbooks around here somewhere. TALIESIN: We took them all outside and they stayed there. LAURA: Did I put that down? I might have written my proficiencies– SAM: How many weapons can you wield? LAURA: Simple weapons! MATT: Yeah, so you could not use a longsword. TALIESIN: I think I know somebody who could really enjoy this, and I’ll hold on to it for a friend. LAURA: Could Yasha use that? TALIESIN: I think Yasha might get a kick out of it. LAURA: Oh! That’s great! MARISHA: Wait, is she still a thing? She’s going to come back? SAM: Gone forever! TALIESIN: I’ve known Yasha a long time, she makes her way back around. TRAVIS: Although that greatsword she has is mighty fine. LIAM: I mean, we will probably never see her again, that seems a little foolish to me. LAURA: I hope she’s still in the city, because otherwise she’s going to have a really hard time trying to get back in. TALIESIN: We’ll eventually need a bath and we’ll find her again. LIAM: Could one of us carry it until she returns? Who could really use it? LAURA: I don’t think anyone can use it. LIAM: Not you? You are so good with a sword! TRAVIS: Yeah, certainly. I just have a preference with mine. I’m just real comfortable with it. You know when you get a feel for something, you don’t want to change it up too much. TALIESIN: It’s worth holding onto. LIAM: Of course, yes. MARISHA: I respect her ability to handle her own shit on her own time. LAURA: What do the boots do? MARISHA: They’re pretty great! So I strap on the big, gothy boots– TRAVIS: Big-ass tall Doc Martens. MARISHA: Super tall Doc Martens, lots of little fur-lined, lots of straps and zippers. MATT: These boots are designed in a similar style as to the armor of the Xhorhasian individual you had fought. LAURA: Is it kind of obvious? MATT: No, not obvious. They’re made of a very dark brown or black leather with studs and the tops of them curl up into two spikes at the tip at each side. MARISHA: How do they look? LAURA: Well, normally you’re barefoot so it looks pretty good. It makes your pants billow a little weird but I like it. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s hard to tuck your pants into your boots. LIAM: I thought you would like those. Was I right? I was right, wasn’t I? MARISHA: They’re pretty great. They add 1d8 to my initiative roll. LIAM: Once per day. So you can choose a moment to get the jump. MARISHA: Does anyone else feel like they might benefit from these more than me? LIAM: I mean, anybody would, but– TALIESIN: I think I’m pretty good with this. TRAVIS: My initiative bonus is zero, just saying. (exaggerated cough) No, you keep them. MARISHA: Your initiative bonus is zero? LIAM: Yeah, but you know Beauregard really is the most capable fighter in this group, at this moment in time. What? That’s just the truth. Can you handle the truth? LAURA: Can you handle the truth? MARISHA: I feel like Nott might be able to do some good with these too, if she had them. SAM: I defer to the wisdom of the group. We merely follow your expert wisdom. MARISHA: Okay, I’m sensing some passive aggressive– SAM: No! I am sincere! TRAVIS: (whispering) Just smile and say, “Thank you, Nott.” MARISHA: Thank you, Nott. TRAVIS: (whispering) Very good. MARISHA: Very good. Thank you. Thank you, Nott. SAM: What is that crazy expression?! (laughter) SAM: I saw your gums for a second. It was freaky. MARISHA: Don’t patronize me, Nott. LAURA: Ooh, I take out the Wand of Smiles and I cast it at her. MATT: Well, you have to make a saving throw. MARISHA: Oh, do I? SAM: I forgot we had that. MARISHA: What kind of a saving throw? MATT: Is it a wisdom saving throw? LAURA: Charisma. MARISHA: Oh, that’s not good for me. Nope, definitely not. MATT: Yep, for the next minute, your face is curled up into a Joker-like smile. LIAM: Oh, I love making people happy. LAURA: Now you look so happy! It’s so wonderful! MARISHA: (voice cracking) I am so happy! TRAVIS: So we should– ugh, just look at them! TALIESIN: Ugh! TRAVIS: We should probably do something. We still have to wrap up this deception of ours. LAURA: Oh, right. What are we supposed to do now? MARISHA: (brightly) Go talk to the Gentleman, of course. LAURA: But wait– TRAVIS: You sound like The General car insurance. MARISHA: (singing) 1-800-General! LAURA: What does The General have to do with– SAM: The Gentleman. LAURA: What does the Gentleman have to do with this plan, though? SAM: We were going to investigate Kara, who was going to the bar that the Gentleman frequents. LAURA: Oh, that’s what it was. Okay, so we go to the Evening Nip to investigate her, and then we just happen to talk to the Gentleman, too? SAM: If it happens, if it comes up. LIAM: But also, we did not get the full catch-up, Fjord. What about the remnants of– I know everything is verkakte. The High-Richter is dead, that’s half the job done in a way we did not predict, but what about Lord Sutan? Did you talk to Dolan? And are they going to get the Crownsguard in there? SAM: Oh yeah, we have to send the guards to find the evidence! Oh god! LIAM: We can’t do anything. Dolan was going to handle that part of this. MARISHA: I feel like it’s all gone to shit. TRAVIS: Yeah. I think that’s right, actually. I forgot that part. LAURA: I wonder if it’s all a distraction, though, for the big stuff. MARISHA: I think that’s exactly what this is. TALIESIN: I’m wondering if the guards are already there looking at the mysterious explosion that happened in that house. LAURA: Well, that was the High-Richter’s house. But Lord Sutan probably went home and noticed his rug was missing. LIAM: Absolutely noticed that the very expensive magical rug is gone! LAURA: And so did he go to the guards, or did he go, “Oh shit, I was hiding something?” TRAVIS: Did we plant something in Lord Sutan’s house, are they going to find the letter from– SAM: And we stole a seal. LIAM: Listen, this could all appear like the Knights turned on the High-Richter. I thought we wanted to get rid of Lord Sutan? TRAVIS: We did. LAURA: Yes, but we put evidence in his house. So if he noticed that the rug was missing– LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: He goes to the Crownsguard to report a robbery. Then they go in and they find the evidence that he was actually trying to be behind the attack that happened. So it actually is good that we destroyed the rug, because it led the guards into his house. SAM: Hmm. TRAVIS: I don’t know if he would report a robbery if he had a Rug of Attacking and you triggered it. LIAM: And actual connections to the Myriad. LAURA: But he– Are you okay, Beau? MARISHA: Smiling is so painful. LAURA: It can be. MARISHA: (groans) LAURA: Should we go spy on his house, and see if there are crownsguard in it? SAM: Oh boy. TRAVIS: We could certainly go by. LAURA: Do you think they would let anyone back into the Tri-Spire? TRAVIS: Oh, shit, I forgot. LIAM: It’ll flip the situation. Dolan, I believe, was saying that with the High-Richter in place, she was favoring Sutan. And now she is gone, Dolan will hopefully take that seat. If he takes that seat, Dolan is not going to protect Lord Sutan in the way that he claimed that the High-Richter was. TRAVIS: That’s right. LIAM: I don’t know, maybe we walk away from the whole thing. Discuss it as a possibility. TRAVIS: We got paid already. How much did I get paid? Because it was minus Kara’s. MATT: Minus Kara’s, that would have been 628 gold, 21 silver, and 302 copper. SAM: Oh, did we get paid? TRAVIS: I did. LAURA: For what? SAM: Fuck that. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: So what’s the plan? LIAM: Well, here’s the thing. If Dolan assumes that seat– we have no idea if that’s going to happen, but if Dolan does take that Richter’s seat, Sutan, if nothing happens to him, if no guards go into Sutan’s house, he knows that his rug is gone, he realizes someone has been in his home, 100%, he looks through the home himself, finds our fake message from the Myriad or whoever, would he retaliate on Dolan? Do we care? MARISHA: Yeah, you’re actually… yeah. I don’t think you’re so far off. There’s something weird that’s been striking me with Dolan this whole time. He doesn’t seem like he really has the tenacity of someone who actually wanted that seat. Maybe he was a pawn this whole time. That guy is kind of a coward. TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: And I mean this with all due respect – the guy was kind of a coward! LAURA: I am sad that I did that to her, because– MARISHA: That’s how you do it, right? No? TRAVIS: I don’t know if they’ll send anything back on Dolan, but we should find a way to get crownsguard into Lord Sutan’s place. LIAM: Well, it was Dolan who said, I believe, he had the relationship with Orentha, so he was going to report this stuff to Orentha and have crownsguard go in. Now, due to the circumstances of the evening, we have missed the element of a quick surprise. They did not rush in the way we had hoped. So he’s already realized somebody has jacked his shit. I’m not worried, really, about him finding us, but he had a bad night when he came home. TRAVIS: We can’t have Dolan rat on him. Hmm. LIAM: But if we don’t give a shit about Dolan, then there’s no problem, really. But maybe we do? MARISHA: I am really interested in this Kara girl. I’m wondering if she’s a puppet master throughout this whole game. TRAVIS: Let’s try that. SAM: So we’ll go to the Evening Nip? TRAVIS: Yeah. Let’s try that. MATT: Okay, so you guys are going to the Evening Nip? All right. You make your way over to the familiar, dirty, small, sunken dive bar, the same two beefy-looking guards on the outside eyeing you as you enter. You come inside. The same two individuals sitting at the the same booth and the far table. And there lies Clive Binz, the dwarf with the half-burned beard. As you enter, he’s like, “Ah, good to see you again. What can I get you?” LAURA: Shit. MARISHA: This is Clive the bartender? Hold. Pause. It’s something along the lines of– Okay. SAM: Are we gonna do this? Are we doing the Gentleman? MARISHA: This is Clive the bartender, right? MATT: Yeah, Clive. MARISHA: Yeah, we are. So Beau and Jester walk up, and say– LAURA: Hi. MARISHA: ‘Sup. MATT: “Can I get you anything?” MARISHA: I mean, I know I’d like a drink. LAURA: Yes, I would like some milk. MARISHA: But unfortunately we have no coin. However, we are willing to offer many gifts. MATT: “Right. Well, then. Take these gifts with you.” He turns around and looks at the rest of you, and steps into the back room. LAURA: Do we follow him? SAM: I’m so scared right now. MATT: Do you follow him? TRAVIS: Yeah, we fucking follow him into the room! MATT: All right. You step into the back room of this dive, and as you step inside, it’s a storage cupboard. There’s shelves up there with various bottles of liquor, wine, and ale. He’s currently pulling a small chain up on the corner. As he does, you watch as a small trap door goes (creaking), it winches up, and there’s a stairway that leads down. And he goes– TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA and LAURA: Thank you. SAM: Mazel tov. MATT: As you all slowly descend down the stairs, it closes behind you. You hear a few things shift over it. You descend down the stairway, and you begin to pick up the sound of soft music. There’s a gentle violin playing, and a lute or some sort of small string instrument. This staircase spirals downward onto the left, and as it curves down for about 40 or so feet, it’s getting colder just from the subterranean depth, that you’re going from the warmer surface. Eventually, you hear some voices and some laughter, and a clink of glasses. As you curve down, the light gets brighter from around the corner, until suddenly you look into a stone-set subterranean tavern. From floor to ceiling, it’s about 20 feet tall. You can see there are two balconies that overlook it from the left side, and one that’s barely visible around the corner, as the room opens up to the right of you. There’s a table immediately down from where the spiral staircase ends, and there’s a gruff-looking fellow sitting there looking up as you enter. He looks immediately defensive. The rest of the people in there are drinking, and not immediately paying attention. As you begin to descend the stairway, who all’s going in? LAURA: All of us. MATT: All right. You all begin to descend to the bottom of the stairs. There’s maybe about a dozen or so people in here, between the bartender, folks, and you can see two people are playing music on the upper balcony. There’s laughter and discussion, and there’s a card game at the center table. You see a maroon and dull grey robed person arrive, but their body is covered with a dark black, almost panther-like fur. Their face is cat-like, with ears that curl up. This is a black tabaxi that has turned around the corner, and goes, “Halt, friends. I do not recognize– Lucien?” SAM: Who? What? MATT: (incredulous) “You’re alive!” TALIESIN: Oh, sorry, friend, I’ve got one of those faces people tend to recognize. MATT: (gasping in disbelief) “Lucien!” She goes forward and does a huge hug. TALIESIN: Oh, I’ll go with it. MATT: And that’s where we’re going to end tonight’s episode! (screaming) TRAVIS: (shouting) Insight check! Insight check on Taliesin! Insight check! MATT: We’ll come back to that. That’s a d10, that doesn’t matter. SAM, MARISHA, and TALIESIN: Lucien?! LAURA: Lucien?! That’s a cool name! SAM: What?! Who’s that? TALIESIN: Don’t know. MARISHA: Who the fuck? LAURA: Everybody’s a liar! LIAM: This is just the first layer of the onion. There’s eight more names to come! SAM: He’s actually a robot! TRAVIS: Look at Taliesin right now. Just look at him. LAURA: You sneaky bastard! TALIESIN: You fuckers don’t know shit. LIAM: You fake-name-making motherfucker! MARISHA: How many names have you had?! SAM: An hour ago you were telling me that I had to trust you people! You lying fuckers! MARISHA: No, we never said to trust us! We said not to trust us specifically! TRAVIS: I didn’t say anything! MATT: All righty. We’ll pick up from that point next week. Until then, we’ll see some of you guys at C2E2 in Chicago this weekend. Looking forward to that! We’ll be back on this next Thursday to see where this goes. TALIESIN: So excited. MATT: (giggles) Until then, we love you guys. Have a wonderful week, and is it Thursday yet? Good night! [music] MATT: (laughter) God damn it! Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. (howling) MATT: We are unfortunately down one Laura Bailey tonight because she got the con plague from Chicago, and she needs a little baby to take care of, so she’s going to be at home, watching and texting these guys if they do anything really wrong with Jester. ASHLEY: Please, just come. LIAM: We almost had three women at this table. MATT: Almost. But we have Ashley back. Back back for a while now. So happy you’ve returned. ASHLEY: Me too. MATT: Before we jump into the game, we have some announcements to get to tonight. First and foremost, we have our sponsor tonight, D&D Beyond. Sam, if you want to take it from here. SAM: Okay. Let’s see if we can do this. Good luck. You know, the best part about D&D Beyond is keeping track of your important stuff. And there’s one important thing we keep losing: Ashley Johnson. Please put this on. So I’m proud to give you the first ever D&D Beyond Presents: The Mighty Nein Welcome Back Yasha Ceremony, featuring Ashley Johnson, everybody. Maestro, hit it. Oh, there’s the award show music. I’m your host, D&D Beyond presents Sam Riegel, and we’re going to go around the room super fast to honor Ashley’s triumphant return. Didn’t work. First up is Travis. None of them work. First up is Travis with a toast. TRAVIS: When I drink to you, Ashley, my heart is as full as my glass. SAM: That’s enough! There’s no time! We got to keep going! I can’t do it! Do it for me! Now we’re going to go to Taliesin with a song. TALIESIN: (singing) Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and– SAM: That’s enough! Marisha has a poem prepared! MARISHA: Welcome back, Ashley, good friend of mine, goodbye Blindspot, hello Nein! (cheering) SAM: And finally, Liam prepared an old Irish blessing! LIAM: (Irish accent) Oh may the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face– SAM: Okay, that’s enough, we don’t have time. Ashley, you are a good and creative person, and D&D Beyond wants you to honor the good– D&D Beyond wants to honor the goodness and creativity of the fine folks at 826LA by kicking off the 826LA charity push. (cheering) SAM: For every nat one rolled by us, D&D Beyond will be donating a hundred dollars– Is that true?– to 826LA! Also, D&D Beyond is retroactively donating for all the nat ones we’ve rolled so far in this campaign! LIAM: So many! SAM: That’s like 4200 bucks! But there’s more. Once we hit the 10,000 dollar donation tier level– I don’t really understand this part– Critters will unlock a special discount code for the legendary bundle on D&D Beyond! (cheering) (laughter) TRAVIS: It’s totally not toxic. LIAM: It’s in my drink! SAM: Was this all planned for Ashley’s return? No! This was planned far before! But hey, it sure feels like it. So from all of us at the table, and the guys at D&D Beyond: Welcome back, Ashley. (cheering) ASHLEY: D&D Beyond! TRAVIS: 826LA! MATT: Everyone at Wyrmwood watching just cringed as we showered the table. MARISHA: Here, Ashley, I’m going to tie it to your chair like we’re at Applebee’s. LIAM: Low, don’t let them set the lights on fire. SAM: Oh, I forgot to give you your award of excellence. It’s from Jurassic World. ASHLEY: Yes! Oh, guys, come on, this is the best! LIAM: My Wyrmwood has never looked so festive. TALIESIN: This is the most festive D&D game I’ve ever experienced. LIAM: I didn’t shoot my silly string, because it’s hair spray. TALIESIN: You were supposed to have a lighter too. SAM: Wait, it’s hairspray? TRAVIS: Yes it is. TALIESIN: I didn’t even look at mine! That could have gone so poorly! SAM: I think I bought the wrong thing at the store! MATT: We almost had an actual Burning Hands example on script. Thank you, D&D Beyond, for helping with our wonderful push for 826. We’ll have a video at the break today to show and explain some of the stuff involved with this whole charity push for 826, so look for that at the break. ASHLEY: Oh man, I love you guys. MARISHA: So go pee, but watch it at the break, it’s really important. MATT: A couple of things some of you may have noticed, but if you haven’t–we have a fantastic partnership with Obsidian for the upcoming Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire, where number one the cast of Critical Role have been cast throughout the game as a number of the main characters in the story. I’m returning as mine and we have everyone else joining the awesome personalities all throughout Deadfire and on top of that you will have free DLC unlocked for custom voice sets and character portraits of Vox Machina, including Gilmore, available to use in the game. (cheering) TRAVIS: First time ever. SAM: Who’s voicing Gilmore? MATT: I think Max is voicing– No, I’m voicing Gilmore. We’re super excited, they look amazing, and we’re excited for you guys to check it out. You can go ahead and pre-order now at versusevil.com/criticalrole to pre-order the game if you want to check it out. I love the series and I’m super excited for the sequel, completely unbiased and then biased–hell yeah. LIAM: Recording Vox Machina and Gilmore lines was sur-real! MATT: That was the most surreal thing. LIAM: It was so good! MATT: So crazy. LIAM: Travis’s might have been my favorite. It was fun. MATT: All right, 826LA did you make it all through everything there? SAM: I did! It was kind of chaotic, but they’re donating for natural ones, they are retroactively donating for natural ones. MATT: Did you get to the matching the dollar amount? SAM: Oh no! Is that the 10k thing? I was confused. MATT: We do have a video at the break, but we have a fantastic critter who is going to be matching every dollar donated to the charity as well up to 40K. Great stuff! Twitch Prime: if you have an Amazon Prime account, then you can combine it with your Twitch account. And thus, you can subscribe for free to a channel of your choice on Twitch once each month. So check it out. If you’ve ever wanted to go support your favorite streamers out there you can do it for free through Twitch Prime. We have new Twitch emotes available for being subscribers including some fun ones based on the new campaign! So we also have a Nein emote for our $10 subscription. ALL: Nein! SAM: Spend ten, get nine. ASHLEY: I have a Pike one, because we haven’t established what Yasha’s thing is yet. TALIESIN: It’s hard to show off eyeliner. LIAM: A sliced-up corpse victim, maybe? SAM: She’s the absence of emoji. ASHLEY: We’ll figure out who she is together. MATT: Also if you need a refresher for campaign two, Critical Recap. The first 13 episodes of our new show are recapped now through Critical Recap on YouTube. Our fantastic Dani Carr is the host, check it out if you or anyone of your friends want to get caught up really quickly to watch live. Talks Machina from our recently paroled Brian W. Foster will be hosting this upcoming Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific on Twitch and Project Alpha about tonight’s episode. Check it out, we’ll have some guests from the show on there to talk about what transpires tonight. Of course, the podcast of last week’s episode is also for download where all fine podcasts (laughs) are available. (laughter) TRAVIS: I’m not moving it. MATT: We’ve made a huge mistake. TRAVIS: I’m not touching it. (laughter) MATT: Available where all fine podcasts are downloadable to get caught up in the campaign audio-wise. Issue six! Our final issue of the six-run Vox Machina: Origins series is going to be available for download April 16th on Dark Horse’s digital download platform for comics, ComiXology, and many other places. Check it out, and I hope you enjoy the finale of this six issue run. I think that’s enough! We’ve talked about enough there. With that being said, folks, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role! Goddamn it! [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And welcome back. Last we left off, the Mighty Nein had gotten caught up with some interesting folks, the Knights of Requital, who had hoped to help shift the political balance in the city, remove the framing and forging of equipment, of materials and letters, some of the corrupt individuals of the local government. They had gone out into the evening, infiltrated a few of the homes and left this information behind, gotten in a few scuffles, leaving one of them, the High-Richter, dead, and shortly after there was an attack on the Tri-Spire. What are you looking at, Sam? God damn it. LIAM: That’s it! You’re in the clear. MATT: I’ll remember this (laughs). Noticing there was seemingly an attack upon the Tri-Spire by two Xhorhasian assassin-type individuals, you met with one in the sewer trying to escape from being seen by the local guard during this confrontation and did battle with a Crick warrior of some kind. You subdued it, removed most of its equipment, and conflicted over this strange artifact, this beacon that it was carrying, sent it on its way; however, it was quickly caught by the guard and killed. You met, on the surface, the guard that were bringing the corpse and the object along, managed to spirit away the strange dodecahedron from the grasp of the town guard and absconded with it. You met with Dolan and Horris who’re currently trying to figure out what to do in case they were somehow implicated with the events of the evening. You took Horris under your wing, promising Dolan that you would somehow smuggle him out of the city as it’s currently on lockdown during this investigation. You all then managed to try and find some sort of lead on what the next step would be, went toward the Evening Nip apparently to seek possibly this individual known as The Gentlemen of which you have heard of previously as Kara, one of the members of the Knights of Requital, who had vanished seemingly had some sort of connection there. So you entered the Evening Nip, the rather dark and strange interior of the small dive bar, gave the previously discovered words, the code words that allowed you entry and were led down a long spiral staircase beneath the establishment into a subterranean bar. Upon which, after immediately stepping into the space, a black-furred female tabaxi approached Mollymauk over here and with a look of recognition said, “Lucien,” and then embraced you. And that’s where we left off. TRAVIS: (shouting) Fucking insight check on Taliesin! No, I’m kidding. MATT: So as you guys all watch this dark-furred tabaxi giving this big, strong hug around Mollymauk’s shoulders. Pulls away and looks at you and goes, “It has been too long, two ye–” TALIESIN: Far too long! MATT: “Two years! (laughs) Look at you! You grew out your hair!” TALIESIN: Ah yes, it’s been quite an interesting two years. MATT: “And you are covered in tattoos!” TALIESIN: We’ll catch up, we need a table, we need drinks for me and my compatriots. MATT: “Of course, you– these are your friends now?” TALIESIN: It’s a long story and I can’t tell you everything right now. You know how it is. MATT: “Very well.” As the tabaxi turns around, you can see there is posted right off to the right and around the corner a hulking figure that has leaned around the edge that leads into this L-shaped tavern. A hefty, muscular ogre that is wearing patchwork hide armor and holding a giant maul resting on the ground, looks back around the corner with these beady, dark eyes and large, looming jaw with angry broken teeth protruding from underneath going (snorts). Looks at the rest of you. Other folks around are looking a bit confused at your entry. Right immediately to your left is a table with a rough-and-tumble looking cutthroat sitting there eating a sandwich with a half-drunken drink, who’s chewing slowly with this glare of mistrust in your direction. There are two balconies up above you in the chamber. You now get a better look up at the top, there are a number of individuals posted and some of them appear to be drinking, but there is at least one of them immediately in your view who has two skulking looking individuals with long dark cloaks and dark armor, carrying what looks almost like a heavy crossbow, but it’s a long, metal rod. You’ve only seen them in use here and there, but these are some sort of a rifle-like firearm that are usually reserved for the armies and Bladegarden and to the far east of Xhorhas. A recently emerging technology that has been largely guarded within use of the empire itself. TALIESIN: Literally everything coming back to haunt me. Okay, cool. TRAVIS: If we had to ballpark it, how many persons would you say are in this? MATT: 13 or so people in this tavern, including the bartender, the individual who rushed to you as you entered, and various patrons around that you can get a quick bead on. TALIESIN: The second she turns, I’m going to turn and give Fjord a little pat on the back and make a whisper really quickly. MATT: Okay. SAM: Make a whisper? TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m gonna whisper in Fjord’s ear– I’m sorry, this is my nightmare, please just go with it? It’s Lucien. And I’m back around. Pass it on. MATT: Okay, which as soon as you say that, you back away and look right behind Fjord as you all are standing there. There’s Yasha. SAM: Oh, what? TALIESIN: (nervous laugh) SAM: Just at the bar? MATT: No, right behind you as if she had just come down the stairs with you. SAM: What? TALIESIN: Yasha! SAM: (shrieks) ASHLEY: Hey! So? TALIESIN: I’m apparently Lucien from two years ago. From two years ago. It’s Lucien, remember? It’s been ages! ASHLEY: Okay, it’s been a minute. Hey, you guys walked right past me in the bar upstairs so I decided to– LIAM: You are like a bad penny. SAM: We did not walk right past you! We looked around! You’re big, we would have seen you! ASHLEY: I’ve been right behind you the whole time, I don’t know how you didn’t know I was here. TALIESIN: I’m so glad to see you. ASHLEY: I’m glad to see you too, Mollymauk. TALIESIN: It’s Lucien. It’s Lucien. ASHLEY: It’s Lucien! LIAM: There’s nothing private about our situation at all, right? There’s people everywhere? MATT: Well, there’s people all throughout the tavern, but there’s some music playing. There’s two musicians that are in the process of plucking away at two instruments. Everyone seems further in the chamber, rather absorbed in their current rigmarole, but you guys have just stepped down the stairs. You haven’t left the stairs. You are literally standing right at the entrance of this tavern and you’ve all been taken aback by that encounter, the realization that Yasha had followed you down the stairs, and whatever is about to transpire. TALIESIN: I’ll explain later, just go with it please? MARISHA: Oh, Yasha followed us, she wasn’t starting down here. MATT: No. MARISHA: Gotcha. TRAVIS: I don’t mind rolling with this name Lucien, but does it bring any extra trouble with it? TALIESIN: I don’t know. We’ll find out. TRAVIS: Fair enough. TALIESIN: Just go with it, I’ll explain later. TRAVIS: All right. LIAM: And it all makes sense to you? TALIESIN: I’ll explain later! MARISHA: This club is awesome! TALIESIN: I hate you. SAM: Do I have to change my name in this club? MARISHA: Are we all supposed to change our names? SAM: We should all come up with different names. TALIESIN: It might be easier just to have them all killed right now– I didn’t say that out loud. I didn’t say that out loud. I’m just thinking out loud, oh, god. It’s going to be fine, I’m not panicking. MARISHA and TALIESIN: Let’s go get drinks! MATT: At this point, a hand claps and the tabaxi is now at one of the tables and has shooed off one of the drinks and goes, “This way, I found a table for everyone.” TALIESIN: Come, sit down. I give the tabaxi another hug as we sit down. How have you been? It’s been ages! MATT: “Oh, too long. I apologize for using your old name. Nonagon, it is a pleasure to see you again.” TRAVIS: Not a chance. I didn’t catch that at all. MATT: Nonagon was what you heard. MARISHA: Nonagon. SAM: That’s the tabaxi, not the ogre? MATT: No, the tabaxi said that. TALIESIN: That’s my name. MARISHA: Wait. TRAVIS: Lucien Nonagon. MATT: Basically what was said was, “I’m sorry for saying your old name, Nonagon.” Was correcting Lucien to Mollymauk. MARISHA: Wait, is Nonagon like a slang for– or like a word for sorry? MATT: You don’t know. TALIESIN: Who can keep track these days? Again, a long story. MATT: “Nonagon, what happened? We watched you die.” TALIESIN: That is a story for another day and another drink. What did you see? God, I don’t know what that looked like from the other end of things. MATT “Well, it all went belly up two years ago. You told us to scatter and vanish if it didn’t– “if things went wrong and wait until you returned. We buried your ass in the woods outside of the “hideout, I mean– ” TALIESIN: It may not have necessarily been my ass that you buried. MATT: “Apparently.” TALIESIN: I had a few tricks up my sleeve. MATT: (laughs) “Well, that spell-spitter lady from the capital. She said you were gone, she “took the book and left, and her contract said she was in the right and that we knew better than "to go toe to toe with her and her ilk.” TALIESIN: Obviously. Is everybody else all right? I know it has been a while. I had to stay underground. MATT: “Unfortunately, Jurrel met with the axe of the law shortly after you left us.” TALIESIN: Damn shame. MATT: “Zoran, Ottis, and Tyffial have all scattered amongst the empire…” TALIESIN: Damn shame. MATT: “But, do you want me to find the others?” TALIESIN: No, actually I’m– MATT: “I know where Tyffial is!” TALIESIN: Where is Tyffial? I would rather obviously deliver everything in person. Honestly if I had known you were here I would’ve made arrangements. I didn’t want to shock you. MATT: “She’s up in Nogvurot. We can travel there, I can send a message and have her come down to us.” TALIESIN: I’m working on something very delicate, I need everything to be very quiet. MATT: “Very well, Nonagon.” LIAM: I apologize, I’m not very observant. I missed your name. TALIESIN: Where are my manners? MATT: “My apologies. My name is Cree.” LIAM: Cree? MATT: “I am a member of the, well, the family around– how much do they know?” SAM: We know a lot! ASHLEY: We pretty much know all of it, so. SAM: We were told the name of the group that you traveled with, but I can’t remember it now. TALIESIN: They don’t know a lot, but they’re trustworthy. I’ve been putting my trust in them so far. ASHLEY: I do, I know all of it, so you can just tell me if you want to. TALIESIN: That’s actually fair. MATT: Make a deception check, both of you. SAM: Me? MATT: Yeah. SAM: I’m the worst. 13. TALIESIN: Technically advantage because it’s kind of the truth? MATT: Technically? All right, sure, I’ll give you that. ASHLEY: I got a ten, but technically I know– I’m rolling at advantage? TALIESIN: Yeah, I think that’s advantage. I begged for advantage on that one. MATT: I’ll give you that. ASHLEY: 16. TALIESIN: Okay, thank you. MATT: “Well, we were all part of the same order at one point, and we splintered off. Luci– Nonagon "had a different path in mind for us, so we went north to Shady Creek Run and we started the Tomb "Takers. It’s just so good to see you.” TALIESIN: It’s good to be seen again. But again, it’s got to be very quiet right now. It’s been like three other names since the last time I saw you. MATT: “I should inform the others.” TALIESIN: Please, keep it quiet for now. That book caused more trouble than you think, and it all laid on my shoulders. I was trying to protect the rest of you from some of the worst elements of that and I don’t want any heat dropping on anybody who doesn’t know what’s coming yet. MATT: “Of course.” TALIESIN: But let me know where they are and I’ll get a hold of them. But don’t let them know why yet. MATT: The tabaxi curls in a little bit, leans over the table towards you with this big grin and says, “Does this mean that it worked?” TALIESIN: (sighs) That’s, again, mixed company and public company. SAM: No, you can tell us about the ritual! Ritual? MATT: There’s a look of recognition. SAM: Yes, it was successful! Remind me what it was again? There’s been so many rituals lately! TALIESIN: Mixed results. LIAM: You were mentioning this group, the Tomb Takers. You had another name before. Were you a group and our friend joined you at some point? MATT: “Well, he led us away from the original order. They were a bit… clouded. We had a new path.” TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: And what was the name of the original order you were a part of? SAM: Not the Tomb Takers, that was the splinter group, right? LIAM: The one that came before. MATT: There’s a few looks now of– the euphoria is washing away from the face. TALIESIN: You don’t have to tell them anything you don’t want to tell them, that’s all right. ASHLEY: Was he your new path? MATT: “He brought us onto a new path, yes.” LIAM: What was your unifying trait or pursuit? TALIESIN: Foolishness in thinking I knew what I was doing. SAM: That is not a good answer! TALIESIN: That’s the answer you’re getting. TRAVIS: This is all well and good and kind of fucking boring. I couldn’t help but notice that surly-looking crew up there, who might that be? MATT: “Oh, these are all members of The Gentleman’s troupe, as am I.” At which point the tabaxi, Cree, turns back and looks, and you can see in the far back right corner of the chamber there is a long, dark mahogany well-carved table. There you see standing, arms crossed, a very muscular-looking goliath female with a very short leather strap top, shaved sides of the head in a tuft of a mohawk that curls down into a long ponytail that goes down the back, who’s glaring in your direction. Sitting beside this burly-looking goliath you see a high-backed chair with a red velvet matte. Sitting feet crossed up on the table in a nice, long deep-blue coat, leather-gloved hands, light teal skin, jet-black hair that’s long, just past the shoulders, a widow’s peak in the center, a bit of a dark goatee, male figure standing there, hands entwined and crossed, looking at you from across the way with a curious grin. “The Gentleman.” TALIESIN: You work for The Gentleman these days? MATT: “We had to find work, we didn’t know if you were ever coming back. We thought– so we had to "move on. We knew you’d eventually return, I just did not know how long and we had to make ends meet.” TALIESIN: How is it, working for The Gentleman? MATT: “Work is fine–” You hear a (clapping) from The Gentleman. “So! We have company. Strangers in "our midst.” He rights himself in the chair. “Please, come before me. Present yourselves! I "want to know who has graced us with their majestic presence. Come, come.” The finger goes up and you watch as everyone holding the rifles cock them and point down at you. SAM: Fjord, say something! MATT: “Come!” TALIESIN: I’m looking at our friend. MATT: Cree goes– TALIESIN: All right, I’ll saunter over with my drink and sit down at the table. Come on everyone, let’s do this. MATT: So you all go and sit? There’s a long bench there on the opposite side of this table where you can either stand or sit, since there’s quite a few of you. ASHLEY: I’ll stand. MATT: Jester is like, “I don’t know what’s going on.” Sorry, Laura. I don’t know what the fuck Jester would do. Jester is the most random character. LIAM: She’s going Homer Simpson, running circles around. TALIESIN: She’s giving out leaflets. LIAM: I will also stand. MATT: As you guys approach you hear this (wheezing laughter). There’s the second balcony that was facing in the direction where you entered. As you look up you can see there’s another rifleman standing, and hanging by one arm off the side, you see this crazed-looking young gnome with this big mound of curly hair and this big chinstrap beard who’s just dangling going (wheezing laughter), looking over you all from a distance really creepily. The ogre’s there still, hand on the maul. “So. Introductions, please! I think I have an idea who you are, but I want to hear it from "your mouths. Please, tell me.” TRAVIS: Humbly, we are members of The Mighty Nein. MATT: “I knew it, I knew it! (laughs) Oh, this is a gracious day. Very well. Welcome to the real "Evening Nip. Pleasure to have you, each and every one of you. I’ve seen you around upstairs, "wandering and skulking a bit. I didn’t know you were part of this mighty troupe.” ASHLEY: Well, I hang out with them, but I actually like the drinks here a lot, so. MATT: “Much better down here. Speaking of which, a round please!” The bartender, looking a bit frightened on the side, starts filling tankards. “All right, so. What brings such esteemed "adventurers to my pocket of the underworld?” TRAVIS: Well, we sought an audience, and to be frank, we thought we might find a little bit more of a warm reception than the one that we’re currently getting. MATT: “Oh! I’m sorry.” They pull the rifles off you. “Habit. Safety, you understand.” TRAVIS: Oh of course, easily understood. MATT: “So. You have my audience.” TRAVIS: We mean to make ourselves of service, whether it be for the good of the city or other endeavors. We’re new here. We thought we would try to make as many introductions and have as many meetings happen as we could. MATT: “Interesting. I have one question, before we get too deep in this conversation. How did you "find your way in here?” MARISHA: I’m a bit of an enthusiast of the underworld. So I came across some information. MATT: “Go on.” MARISHA: Demedan got his order of bloodroot. It was really good. MATT: “Demedan gave you this information?” MARISHA: No, Demedan was clumsy with his information. MATT: “Equally dangerous, good to know. Remember that.” The goliath cracks knuckles. “All right, "so. Interesting. Now you know the way in. That’s dangerous, as we’ve just made acquaintances and "you now know the direct path into my domain. So to make this a comfortable conversation and possibly "an arrangement going forward that we can all agree upon, I have one small request.” TRAVIS: Oh, I’m sure we’d be all ears. MATT: “Cree! Please.” The tabaxi who was in the back goes, “Yes, of course.” Steps over to the side of the bar and picks up a small leather satchel, puts it over her shoulder, walks up behind the table, opens it, and pulls out an alchemist rack of a bunch of corked vials, like small vials, opens it, and says, “I need, just– and bear with me, please– just a small bit of "your blood. The reasoning being, if I can’t trust you, and you can’t trust me, how am I to know you "aren’t going to turn me in immediately outside to the King’s Hall? And I need some means in case you "just abscond with this information: perhaps make an arrangement with me and then leave town. I need "to find you.” TRAVIS: Oh, of course, and forgive my ignorance. This would be used to locate us? Is that what this is for? MATT: Oh, that is Cree’s speciality. TALIESIN: It is definitely Cree’s speciality. TRAVIS: Yeah, fuck it. MATT: As you pull your hand out, Cree does a flick of the finger, and you watch as the blood trails off on its own like a small serpent of mercury and just (flowing). For a second, even though it was a small wound, it’s bleeding quite a bit and you’re like, “Uh.” It makes you a little uncomfortable and then all of a sudden the blood flow stops. The vial is filled about an inch full, then she caps it. “Thank you so much.” TRAVIS: How did you do that? MATT: “It’s a gift that I learned the same place where the Nonagon’s gifts were found.” TALIESIN: Lucien, at the table, is fine. MATT: “Lucien.” TRAVIS: Right. MATT: “Next.” TALIESIN: I trust you with this. Don’t get fancy. MATT: Same thing. Fills the next vial, a strange, almost an arc of crimson finds its way and fills a secondary tube. There’s like twelve tubes there, but she’ll fill as many as needed for this one. TRAVIS: (laughs) Don’t like it, do you? MARISHA: Can I borrow a tusk? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Goes ahead and acquires the blood from you. Jester goes, “Me too, me too!” Feeling left out in the moment, gives her blood as well. SAM: Caleb, are we doing this? MATT: “No harm will come to you, unless you bring harm to me. So this is just a precautionary "measure. I appreciate your trust.” TRAVIS: Three to go? One, two, three? MATT: With that, your blood is taken into a vial. SAM: All right, I’ll follow suit. MATT: Your blood is also taken into a vial. SAM: (hisses) MATT: Easy enough to do! (spurting) ASHLEY: Fair enough. I take my finger and I run it across my blade as I stare at him. MATT: The blood is drawn into the vial, the final vial is capped, Cree closes the satchel, places it on the shoulder, and then bows and steps back, paying direct attention to The Gentleman and then out of the corner of her eye, towards you. “Fantastic, I really appreciate that.” You’re getting a closer look now, of The Gentleman. The teal skin tone– it’s interesting. It looks almost like he’s perpetually sweating. There’s moisture on the outskirts of his skin at all times. There’s the faint hint of, whether it be condensation from the air around or produced internally, there’s a general sense of dampness to the skin of this figure. “So an arrangement, you say. First off, "just because it’s fun for me, are you believers in luck?” TALIESIN: Not anymore. TRAVIS: Yes, I’d say I am. MATT: “That destiny is looking out for you? I’ve seen enough in my time and have lived in spite of "it all because something wants me here. Would you consider yourselves lucky?” TRAVIS, SAM and TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: “Good. Then let’s gamble.” MARISHA: Then what? MATT: Then let’s gamble. MARISHA: Oh. (laughs) TRAVIS: Are you writing that down? SAM: Let’s gamble. MATT: “I want to know how lucky my investments are. Gambit of Ord? Who wishes to face me in this? "Who feels the luckiest of your band?” TRAVIS: Shit. Where’s the fucking luck of Jester? MARISHA: I know. She’s at home. SAM: I watched her play last time, I could do– I don’t– (stutters) TRAVIS: I could as well. SAM: Why don’t you do it? I’ll just drink– I need just a little loosener. TRAVIS: All right. I feel lucky. MATT: “All right. Great. One pass. 50 gold buy-in. If I win, you’re mine. If you win, then we can do business.” TRAVIS: Deal. MATT: “All right.” He goes and pulls, beneath the table, a satchel of gold. Pulls out a handful of gold and plops it on the table. You watch on the side as the creepy gnomish figure that was hanging from the balcony earlier leaps down, (creepy chuckling) comes up and he pulls out a set of cards and is shuffling them in his hand as he steps around the side. He’s now flanking the right side of The Gentleman, so you have the large goliath on one side, the small, creepy gnome on the other, shuffling the cards. Hands the deck to The Gentleman, does one final cut, sets it down. “So what’s your name?” TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: “Fjord. Let us deal.” Did you put 50 gold on the table? TRAVIS: No. Now I do. TALIESIN: There was nothing fishy in the card shuffle, in the cut, was there? MATT: Make an insight check. TRAVIS: Ooh, get ‘em! TALIESIN: Let’s do it. 12. MATT: Seemed to be above board. MARISHA: I’m going to keep an eye on the deal as well. MATT: Okay. The first cards are dealt out for the first round. This is Gambit of Ord. This is different from The Crick-Queen’s Call. This is a Marquesian card game. Roll a d8, but keep it hidden to yourself. All right. “So now, I’m going to go ahead and raise another 50 gold.” (clinking) Onto the table. TRAVIS: My goodness, this is getting expensive quite fast. MATT: “Well, we deal with quite a large amount of business.” TRAVIS: (yawning) 50 gold. MATT: So you put another 50 gold? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right. Go ahead and roll a d6, and keep that secret alongside that die. “Do you wish to raise?” TRAVIS: You first. MATT: “I raised first last time. I’m offering you the chance to raise if you’d like.” TRAVIS: Funny how that works. No, I’m good where I am. MATT: “Interesting. I’ll raise another 50 gold.” SAM: Oh god. TRAVIS: Sounds good. 50 it is. MATT: Go ahead and roll a d4. He’s holding his cards in his hand, looks across at you, looks all throughout the room. “Well, Fjord, looks like it’s time to call.” TRAVIS: What, we’re not going to bet again? (silence) MATT: Puts another 100 gold on the table. TRAVIS: Let’s make it 150. MATT: (laughs) “Very well.” TRAVIS: (mutters) That’s all the money I have. SAM: Have we seen anything suspicious from the deals, or the– LIAM: (as Jester) Jester wants you to know that from home she is watching The Gentleman and making sure he is not cheating. MATT: Make an insight check for Jester, and you make an insight check as well, since you were both keeping a close eye on that. LIAM: Oh, she rolled really well. What’s her modifier, added to an 18? SAM: Plus four. LIAM: Oh, 22. MATT: 22? Actually, there has been no weirdness with the cards. This is a straight test of luck. LIAM: (as Jester) Oh, this man has the Luck feat. MATT: Yeah, you don’t see anything, nothing that catches you off. MARISHA: Yeah, I rolled less than Jester. MATT: So, we’re now at a pot of 150 times two, 50 times two, so 600 gold, I believe, right? 50, 50, 50, and the 150. TRAVIS: (counting) So 500. SAM: Did you start with 50, though? MATT: We started with 50, and then we raised 50, and then raised 50, so that was 150. So it’s 600 on the table. TRAVIS: I can do math. MATT: 300 from each of them. “All right.” He presents the dice that he had rolled, or the cards that he had found, which is a five, a four, and a one. A grand total of ten. MARISHA: Oh my god, come on, Fjord. TRAVIS: A seven, a five, and a three. (cheering) MARISHA: Oh my god. SAM: That’s the first thing we’ve ever won. (laughter) MATT: As soon as you reveal the cards there’s a (gasp). A gasp in the room and The Gentleman, his muscles tense for a second and he goes, (laughs) “Well-played and well earned! Take the coin, it’s yours.” TRAVIS: Thank you. Nice hand. MATT: “Good to know that we have luck on your side as well. That’s very important to me with people I "do business with. So (clears throat) you have some balls throwing down that change and going into a "game with me, I like that. So what can our many gifts and my associates present to you? What are "your strengths? What are your skills? I’ve heard you’ve done some deeds. I’ve heard you killed some "terrible creature in the sewers, is that correct?” SAM: We did. Yes. We fought and killed a giant spider of sorts. MATT: “Right, which helped tremendously because we use the sewers quite often. That had become an "issue with some of our transference in the subterranean sewers of the city. And "unfortunately, the underworks themselves have been a bit clogged as of late. So thank you for that. "And one of our compatriots–” and he points up to one of the balconies on the side, and you can see, behind the individual that had the rifle, you see Kara, the half-elf. MARISHA: Oh, I was going to ask for her. MATT: Who’s stepping forward, ever so slightly. And says, “One of our compatriots has kept us up "to speed about your infiltrations. I have to say, I’m impressed.” LIAM: Ja, then you probably know we are not the best you’re going to find, but we are up and comers. MATT: “Not too bad.” TRAVIS: Very versatile I’d have to say though. Balanced. LIAM: Good skill set. TALIESIN: High profile, but low profile. MATT: “Well, we are a company that specializes in the completion of the tasks and trading of things. "Perhaps not the most legal. Things that are restricted by the empire. That means our skills "are best through speed, subterfuge, darkness. We don’t have the best, aside for muscle besides "from, well (laughs) I do keep Sorah by my side, just in case.” SAM: Is that the goliath? MATT: That is the goliath he refers to. SAM: Sorad? MATT: Sorah. LIAM: (singing) Que Sorah, Sorah. MARISHA: Wait the goliath or the ogre? MATT and TRAVIS: The goliath. MARISHA: The– LIAM: The mohawk lady. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: We’re very strong. MATT: “Very good.” SAM: As you can see, Yasha is very strong. MATT: “Well, you’ve caused enough chaos in the Tri-Spire. You brought down one of the more "corrupt, though strangely uncorruptible from our end, politicians we’ve seen. And from what I hear, "Lord Sutan is already in chains.” (chuckles) SAM: (quickly) We don’t know anything about that. We had nothing to do with it. TRAVIS: Nott, I think– TALIESIN: She’s quick to toe the party line. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: “That’s fine. We’ll see how long Sutan stays in there, he has his ways. Depending on how strong "a case you’ve left behind, and a little finagling on our end, if our partnership grows mutually "beneficial, perhaps we could push that over the edge for him, and keep him away for quite some "time. Now apparently I’ve also heard they’re still seeking the murderers of the High-Richter. "Particularly a purple-skinned tiefling who was spotted not far from the home that night, with "rather ostentatious clothing. As well as a wandering dark-skinned youth, a woman with "physical capability. So that doesn’t bode well for you, does it?” MARISHA: Sucks being in the wrong place at the wrong time. MATT: “Well, as seeing as how we’re friends now, I can say that I could probably make this "investigation go away.” MARISHA: Is this an investigation that you caused to begin with? MATT: (laughs) “No, this is an investigation that you caused.” MARISHA: Doing your bidding. MATT: “No.” MARISHA: Through one of your associates. MATT: “My associate was making sure that the events would transpire in our favor. But "nevertheless, we were not the orchestrators of The Knights of Requital.” LIAM: Let’s assume this is not a gift you are offering, what is it that you are looking for in return? MATT: “Oh, well, many gifts come once we’ve established a partnership. We become friends now, "and I like friendship. That’s great; that’s fine. But I deal in trade mostly. So I would like a "favor in kind.” He leans forwards a bit, and you can see some of the condensation slowly dripping down the side of the face. Making a few spots on the table. SAM: I’ll offer him a napkin. MATT: As you hold a napkin out, the eyes catch you for a second. The head turns, confused for a second. TALIESIN: Just– (laughter) TALIESIN: Great thought, not now. Good thought. SAM: He seems like he needs– TALIESIN: (shushing) SAM: He’s schvitzing. I mean it’s not even humid in here. (whispering) He’s got a problem. MATT: “About a mile out of the underworks, beneath the city. Down the underground river pass that our "shipments to the Ounterloch and Berleben pass through, one of my men noticed a strange wall "uncovered by time. We sent a team of our best infiltrators to see what this was about. Within, a "purple light, and the promise of ancient spoils seemed to peek from within. Some sort of abandoned "research facility from ages past. Well my curiosity got the better of me. So we sent the "team inward to seek it out. But amongst these few gold-laden objects that enticed my men– they are "a superstitious lot– and upon being beset by series of phantom globes they fled and collapsed "the entrance behind them.” You see him glare past you and hear the shifting of a few pieces of armor as three individuals avert their gaze. (sighs) “So those fucks have failed. I would like you to "return to that site for me. Find a way in. Inquire within. Seek and seeing as how you are so good at "eliminating monstrous beasts, clearing the space of any dangers, hostile creatures. Return with any "of your findings. Do this for me and I will see that the scent is thrown off you permanently. I’ll "even let you keep some of the spoils.” TRAVIS: This is most intriguing. I hope we would be able to interview your previous compatriots. We’d like to know what they saw before, what we might expect. MATT: “Of course. By all means. Do we have a deal?” TRAVIS: To clear our name here in Zadash? SAM: How do we know that you can clear our name? We’ve proven to you that we’re lucky. You know our reputation. We don’t know anything about you. MATT: “Let’s say I’ve lived and worked a solid 15 years orchestrating the seedy underbelly of this "entire city. I’ve never been caught, I’ve never been arrested, and I thrive on a pile of gold and "riches you can only begin to imagine.” TALIESIN: I’m beginning to imagine it right now, actually. MATT: “Good.” TALIESIN: That’s very nice. LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. MARISHA: I bet he edubates on that pile of gold. (laughter) TALIESIN: That is certainly one to grow on. LIAM: Not good enough. That’s a twelve. MATT: I mean, he’s a shifty individual being by nature. But it’s hard to get a sense of whether or not he would be trying to lie. LIAM: Yeah. He’s sweating, he must be nervous. SAM: If I may, we passed a test for you. Would you pass one for us? MATT: (laughs) “Little one, (laughs) you intrigue me. Young green-skin, so overtly walking amongst "the nobles above, and yet you’ve kept your throat. That says a lot about you. Yes, please tell me, "what would this trial be, you would ask of The Gentleman?” SAM: May I have three of those vials? Just the empty ones. MATT: “Cree.” Fumbles in the pouch and brings out three of the empty glass vials, and hands them over to you. SAM: If I were to fill two of these vials with ordinary alcohol and one with something else, would you be able to tell which is which? With your discerning eye and your years of experience? MATT: “Hmm. Certainly, I feel confident.” MARISHA: Take the Pepsi challenge. SAM: I’ll take out my shitty flask, as my good one is gone. Fill two vials with alcohol and then take out my vial of acid and pour it into the third. Are they reasonably the same colorish? MATT: Reasonably. I’d say the alcohol is a bit more brackish. The acid itself is a little more translucent, but you could possibly add a little bit of alcohol to it. SAM: All right, I’ll take a little splash of alcohol and some darker stuff and mix it around. MATT: You’re an alchemist, you’ve dealt with varying chemicals. So I’d say, given a moment, you could go ahead and match it fairly close, sure. SAM: All right, this one is the acid; these two are booze. And now I will try to (rapid movement)– TALIESIN: Doesn’t actually switch hands, you just do this a lot. LIAM: Never mess with a goblin when death is on the line! MATT: Make a sleight of hand check versus his perception. TRAVIS: You’re going to kill The Gentleman. SAM: 15. MATT: 15 total? SAM: Yes. MATT: All right, you present the vials. SAM: If you die, I’m sorry. MATT: (chuckles) “This one is alcohol. This one is alcohol. This one is acid.” And takes the acid from your grasp and uncorks it and drinks it. SAM: Ooh shit, that’s baller! MATT: So roll the damage for your acid. MARISHA: Some Inigo Montoya shit. SAM: I don’t know what to roll. It’s 1d6 or something. What do I– I got to look. MATT: It should be on your break down of your– SAM: It’s here. Acid vial. ASHLEY: He’s awesome. MATT: I have it here actually. SAM: 2d6. MATT: So yeah, roll 2d6. TALIESIN: That is so baller. Oh my god. SAM: 11. MATT: 11. All right, so he (slight cough) (grunts) downs it, but it doesn’t seem to have as much of an effect on him. It looks like it hurt, and he takes it. The muscles tense a bit, the face twitches as it goes down and it burns. But then he takes the vial and corks it again, rolls it across the table. (coughs) “Does that satisfy your inquiry?” SAM: (gulp) (gulp) Yep, yeah, that’s good. That was impressive. I mean, you pass the test, sir. MATT: (chuckles) “Good, good. I like it.” TALIESIN: I will say the only thing that I can think of that I would want, not even necessarily addend to this contract, if we are going to do this to you; I’m looking to stay on the down low in general. If we can agree, even my presence in this city necessarily is, as far as it’s concerned, is none of anybody’s concern outside this bar. I would be forever grateful. MATT: “We deal well in secrecy, my friend.” TALIESIN: I figured you would. MATT: “Lucien, was it?” TALIESIN: Sometimes. MATT: (chuckles) “Very well.” TRAVIS: Sir, I couldn’t help but hear that this is about a mile outside of the city. Is that correct? MATT: “Correct.” TRAVIS: Are you operating on any sort of a timeline? Might we have a little bit of lenience with how quickly we get this dealt with? MATT: “The sooner the better, because we can begin opening that line. We’ve now two weeks and three "shipments lost.” TRAVIS: I’ve just had a thought, actually, if you could help us at the same time, we’re trying to get a friend of ours out of the city. And (coughs) recent events seem to have clogged up most entries and exits. We have a friend, Horris, that needs to find his way to a safe spot. MARISHA: Kara knows him, real well. MATT: “Right, this would be Dolan’s partner, yes?” TRAVIS: Indeed. MATT: “Hmm.” TRAVIS: Discretion is appreciated. MATT: “We specialize in discretion and specialize in smuggling. And specialize in people.” TRAVIS: Figured you might. MATT: “So you do this deed, we’ll consider it part of your gift.” TRAVIS: Outstanding. I think we have a deal, do we not? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: I find all of this very agreeable. MATT: “Good, very good, quiet one. Now we have access to the tunnels. Of course we’ll have to "blindfold you to bring you through the underworks to the tunnel that leads to this underground "river, when you decide to leave. Just because there’s a lot of secrets down here, and we’re "still building our trust. But come back in whenever you’re ready. We’ll be happy to escort "you and send you on your way.” TRAVIS: Outstanding. ASHLEY: How long do you keep our blood for? MATT: “Oh, as long as we have our arrangements.” ASHLEY: But we get it back when we’re done? Or we decide not to work with you anymore? MATT: “If you’ve proven yourself trustworthy enough, in the long term, perhaps. But understand "that this is just a precaution. Who’s to know? Perhaps things go sour in a few months. I want to "make sure you don’t double cross me and send the guard down.” MARISHA: Does it look like he’s speaking from experience? He’s a little twitchy. MATT: Make an insight check. MARISHA: (grumbling) 14. MATT: It’s more that he’s lived this long by being careful. And when a bunch of strangers find this secret pass into his lair, he wants to be damn well sure that he knows where to find you if need be. ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Fair enough. TALIESIN: Remember, the name Lucien doesn’t leave this bar. Outside, I never want to hear it uttered. MATT: “I don’t know who any of you are outside this bar.” TALIESIN: Brilliant. MATT: “Don’t worry. Anyway,” and he throws his feet back up on the table . “Drinks are on me, "until you make your leave.” TRAVIS: Fantastic! Nott, pace yourself now, you hear? SAM: (growling) (nervous humming) TALIESIN: Quality, not quantity. TRAVIS: Is that goliath wielding any sort of visible weapon? MATT: At the moment, it does not appear there’s a weapon immediately on the goliath, but as you look behind, in the corner right behind the chair where The Gentleman sits, there looks to be one hefty-ass maul. A giant chunk of solid metal with a long handle on it that is resting against the stone. TRAVIS: Ogre and the goliath mauls each. Fuck. MATT: They like to break things. MARISHA: Who were the two guys that said that they passed out trying to get away from the creepy, ancient facility? TRAVIS: Oh yeah, they were armored behind us? MATT: Yeah, there’s three guys. There’s the bar in the chamber. Next to that, to the right of the actual bar, there’s a doorway that opens up into a storeroom. It’s underneath the top balcony. Underneath the balcony, right next to where the ogre is posting watch in the center of the tavern, the three of them are sitting off to the side, looking uncomfortable. They were sitting earlier, and since all of this happened they stood to attention and haven’t found a comfortable moment to sit down. MARISHA: Just shifty, rogue-y underbelly types? MATT: Yeah. You look over and you see two of them appear to be human. Relatively young, probably mid to late 20s. Scruffy-looking. One of them has a darker, fro-y hair that’s unkempt and covering part of his face. The other one has very short cut hair, dark complexion, brown red. They’re both wearing darker leathers and cloaks that are thrown over one shoulder. They’re holding tankards in their hand and they’re both talking amongst each other while keeping an eye on you. TRAVIS: That group looks like your type. Feel like making friends? MARISHA: My favorite pastime. MATT: The third one appears to be a halfling female who is sitting in a corner, quietly sipping out of the tankard and looking nervously around. MARISHA: Want to accompany me? TRAVIS: I would love to. MARISHA: Let’s go. MATT: Just the two of you approaching? MARISHA: Sure. Anyone else wants to join. TALIESIN: I’m taking a long look at Cree and I want to see if I see any of the things that I expect to see. TRAVIS: What do you expect to see there, T? SAM: You know. Dander. TALIESIN: I want to see if there’s any markings or anything otherwise that I would expect to see. MATT: Oh. Make a perception check. TALIESIN: All right. SAM: Why are you locking your iPad between every move? TALIESIN: Because it’s better that way. Perception check. Wow, that’s a terrible roll. That’s a five. MATT: A fur-covered tabaxi, it’s hard to make any details out beyond the fur, unfortunately. TALIESIN: All right. That’s fair. MATT: The two of you approach the corner. Kara is watching you as you step past, and steps back on the balcony, out of sight. MARISHA: I give her a little (clicks tongue) when I walk by. MATT: She goes– MARISHA: Deal with that later. TRAVIS: Yeah, I was going to say the same thing. MATT: As you approach the two gentlemen and the female halfling, they just watch you. They don’t engage you verbally at all, they just keep an eye. MARISHA: I grab one of the half-drinken beers from someone else’s table and set it down and be like, here you go. I got this for you. LIAM: That was mine. (laughter) MATT: He takes it. The guy with the larger curly hair takes it and pours it into his own and sets it back down. “Thank you.” MARISHA: Heard you guys got all heebie jeebie and passed out in your last little mission. MATT: “Well–” and the other guy elbows him and he’s like, (whispering) “Shut up!” MARISHA: No, that’s cool! We’re here to clean up y'all’s shit. MATT: “Look, we signed up for this to make quick money. We’re good at moving quickly. We’re good at "seeing what’s worthwhile. We’re good at picking things out. We’re not good at dealing with spooky "fucking undead ghost things, okay? We went in, we went through this path. We found a crack in the "wall. We kicked it down. We went inside. There was a staircase. Went up and down. Went downstairs, it "seemed empty. It was confusing. We didn’t see anything of interest. Went upstairs the "staircase– the little spiral staircase– and there was a much larger chamber. We started "looking around for anything worthwhile. It looked like it got picked clean long ago. Dust "everywhere. The more we began to look, there was this cold temperature in the room, and eventually "these little lights began to come out of the wall. At first, we were curious by them. One of them got "really close to Therad over there. He suddenly shocked in a serious jolt.” And you see him on the back, looking a bit spooked, recalling the story. He goes, “We knew then, these– whatever the fuck these "things were– they weren’t friends of ours. So we got our shit and we ran. We had a small explosive, so "we threw it behind us to collapse the wall, hoping that at least it would slow them down. We "realized, in hindsight, that it was pretty stupid because, if they were spectral enough to come out "of the walls, they still could have followed us. We got up the river from there. We got our boats "and made our way back.” TRAVIS: Let me get this straight. A bunch of fucking floating lights came out of the wall, gave your boy a little static shock, and you ran? MATT: They both look at each other and look at the halfling. The halfling’s like, “I wasn’t going to "stay behind!” TRAVIS: Yeah. Well, they’re calling in the big leaguers now, so we’ll take it from here. Your way up and down those stairs you mentioned, you get tripped up along the way, or was it just easy sailing? MARISHA: Any traps? MATT: “We didn’t go into the bottom chamber. That looked ominous enough. We stuck to the top one.” MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: What about it was ominous? MATT: “It’s just a big octagonal dome chamber. Had this faint purple-ish glow on the inside– ” MARISHA: Are you afraid of geometry? I don’t– TRAVIS: Yeah. Scared of school. MARISHA: Yeah, sure. TRAVIS: Yeah. Old terrors. MATT: “Look, you can come by and sass me all you fucking want. I’ve been here for two years. You "newcomers walk in here and think you’re all tough shit! You think it’s so great? Go! Go in there! "Come back!” SAM: Trying to throw it in the garbage, but it hit your balloon. MARISHA: I saw the whole– LIAM: Still a game. MATT: “You think you’re tough shit? You go take care of it.” TRAVIS: I appreciate your passion. I don’t think you’re in great favor in this room, at the moment. You see that really tall woman over there with that big greatsword on her back? She doesn’t appreciate when people talk to us like that. MATT: Make an intimidation check. ASHLEY: Do I see him point at me? LIAM: Flex. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: 13? TRAVIS: No, 15. Sorry. MATT: 15. He’s looking over at you. You can see him swallowing hard. ASHLEY: I put my hand on my hilt and I pull it out a little bit. MATT: “Hey, no, I understand that. That’s great. Looks like you guys are much more well-equipped "for this shit than we are. Look, I’m not saying we’re better than you. We’re better at some "things. You’re better at others. That’s why they’re sending you in, because we can’t fight "fucking ghosts. You go for it!” MARISHA: We’re just giving you a hard time, man. It’s fun. The whole time this was happening, I was rubbing my feet against the ground, building up a static shock. MATT: It’s stone, but sure. (laughter) MARISHA: Okay, rubbing against Fjord. Like this. TRAVIS: My shag armor. MARISHA: Just waiting for it. All right, thank you so much, man. MATT: “All right.” MARISHA: All right, good. (laughter) Sorry, can’t help it. TRAVIS: Did you three have a name? LIAM: The Mighty Drei. TRAVIS: Don’t be ashamed if you don’t. MATT: The guy who’s talking to you says, “That’s Hannah there. I’m Louis.” He pauses for a moment, shakes your hand. “Now go get this thing.” TRAVIS: Don’t worry. We’ll clean it up for you. Enjoy your drinks. Going to join the others. TALIESIN: Yasha. Do I deal with this or do I not deal with this? ASHLEY: I think you should deal with this. TALIESIN: I don’t want to deal with this. ASHLEY: Does any of this sound familiar to you from the past? TALIESIN: I hate this. I’m going to stand up, and walk over to Cree. MATT: Okay. Cree is still standing by the bar with the satchel on. As you stand up and start approaching, she smiles. TALIESIN: A lifetime ago. MATT: “Indeed. I can tell you it’s so good to see you.” TALIESIN: I have a weird question, and I apologize for it. The spell I used to get away, it– I wasn’t there for as long as you thought I was. I missed how everything ended in the end. I hate to ask, but I was long gone before anything really started to go down. How did everything end? Can you just– I’ll explain why in a moment. MATT: “Well, you had acquired the tome with the ritual spell that you required to attempt to reach "the city. That lady– I don’t remember her name. The spell slinger from the capital. She came and "oversaw and performed the ritual for you. I don’t trust those folk, but I trust you, and if you "trusted, than that was enough for me. You gave us a speech. We had a fine meal. We all got ready "there in the forest.” TALIESIN: That’s where I lost you, then. MATT: “She said it would be hard for us to tell whether or not it worked at first, but we went and "checked, and you were not breathing. For a good hour, you were not breathing and you had gone "cold. We knew then that– that we had lost you. We checked, and I’m very attuned to vitals, as you "know. There was no heartbeat. So we waited longer. The sun rose, and nothing. So, as you told us, if "anything were to go wrong, we had to get rid of any sign, any trace. So, not far from the Tomb "Taker hideout, we buried you and we went our separate ways. She took the tome, the mage woman, "it was part of the arrangement you had with her.” TALIESIN: I’m going to have to find her again at some point. The reason I’ve stayed quiet– It was never going to work. Somebody was working against me. I don’t know who, but I can’t trust anyone. I saw how you reacted to seeing me and it was– I’m willing to believe it wasn’t you who turned. But it could have been her, but it could have been one of us. That’s why I need you to keep it quiet. Please. MATT: Make a deception check. You’re starting to get in deep into this now. TRAVIS: Deception check? TALIESIN: 13. SAM: Can I wander over and see if I can overhear anything? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: 12. MATT: You start wandering over, but there’s too much noise and general din in the chamber around you to make anything out. TALIESIN: There will come a moment when I can tell you everything, but… It’s so complicated. Please just keep it quiet for now. MATT: “Of course.” TALIESIN: Until I know that everyone’s going to react the way that you did to seeing me. MATT: “Right, of course, Lucien.” TALIESIN: I will tell you everything eventually. MATT: “Please, please do.” TALIESIN: I give a hug. MATT: There’s a moment pause, and then Cree takes in the hug too. TALIESIN: It’s been too long. MATT: There’s a faint purr in the ear, and then you hear the voice whisper, “It’s good to see you.” TALIESIN: I’m sorry for everything. And I give the pat, and head back to the table. MATT: “Me too.” As you walk away. LIAM: While that conversation happens. Can I speak to you? Just for a second? TRAVIS: Of course. LIAM: That was a princely sum you just wagered with there. TRAVIS: Yeah. Good thing I won, huh? LIAM: Yes, it is. That wouldn’t have, by any chance, have been recompense for everything we did the other night? Or are you rolling in it? TRAVIS: Am I rolling in it? LIAM: Yeah, I’m wondering if you just wagered the party’s funds. On a very calculated risk. TRAVIS: Oh. No, I was actually only gambling my funds. LIAM: So you come with funds on you. TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: Do you know, I would be all right if you had? I am a fan of calculated risks. TRAVIS: Are you? LIAM: Yeah. But it was just, you know– You’re flush. I understand. TRAVIS: At the moment. LIAM: Insight check. MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: 17. TRAVIS: I’m telling the truth. I hadn’t even divvied up that amount from Dolan and everybody else. MATT: Yeah. Seems forthright. LIAM: All right. TRAVIS: Good to know. Calculated risks. I’ll keep that in mind. I thought you liked to play things close to the chest. LIAM: If the reward is good and it’s not stupid. TRAVIS: Sometimes you got to get a little stupid, though. LIAM: Maybe. Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to walk over with a new round of drinks. Here, drink this. I’m told they’re stupid. Ugh. MARISHA: Molly, you have– Sorry, Lucien. TRAVIS: No, that’s not it either. MARISHA: Sorry, Non–Nongatek. TALIESIN: Lucien for the moment. We’ll talk about it later. ASHLEY: Would you like us to call you Lucien or do you want us to call you Molly? TALIESIN: In here, we’re Lucien. LIAM: How many names are there? Is it over ten or under? TALIESIN: Let’s have that conversation somewhere else. I don’t know who’s listening here. MARISHA: She seemed real into you, but not in an into you like “I want to tap that” kind of into you, but in an “I’ve watched you walk on water” type of into you. TALIESIN: Yeah, that was a weird amount of into you, wasn’t it? MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Can you change that alcohol into wine? TALIESIN: I’m going to cut my finger a bit and bleed into it. LIAM: With one of your long fingernails? MARISHA: Holy shit. You know, to a dumbass, that actually is convincing. TRAVIS: It’s alcohol one way or the other. I’ll fucking drink. TALIESIN: Is it wine? MATT: No, it’s bloody water. It’s water with a hint of iron aftertaste. TALIESIN: Worth a try. LIAM: Write what you know, Taliesin. TRAVIS: Molly– Excuse me, Lucien. MARISHA: Nantucket. TRAVIS: How many others around here might we expect to have that same reaction towards you? TALIESIN: We will have this conversation outside this bar. MARISHA: This is basically Taliesin at Ren Faire. TRAVIS: Yeah! TRAVIS and MARISHA: Lord Taliesin! LIAM: Taliesin, there’s tabaxis coming out of every stall. What the hell, man? TALIESIN: Lucien’s not going to answer any questions. Molly will answer every question you have later. SAM: If you’re not going to answer any questions, can we please direct some to Yasha over here? TALIESIN: Thank you for coming back, I’ve missed you. SAM: Where were you? Where’d you go? Why did you leave? ASHLEY: Sometimes I have things to do, I barely know you guys, so sorry if I leave! TALIESIN: Why do you need to know so many things? TRAVIS: You’re not afraid of inclement weather or anything, are you? It’d been real fair, that storm rolled in, and poof, you were fucking gone. SAM: She left us before we were ambushed in Alfield, and when she left us this time, we almost died in this plot to overthrow the empire, or whatever it was with Crick soldiers. Maybe it’s related! ASHLEY: Pretty shit luck for you, then. That has nothing to do with me. MARISHA: I respect a woman who can handle her business on her own personal time. ASHLEY: Thank you very much, Beau. Thank you. Sometimes I need to leave. Plus, I barely know you guys. TALIESIN: They’re not used to you yet. LIAM: That is true. Do you think you will be able to travel with us for a little while, perhaps? MARISHA: Yeah, get to know us? TALIESIN: I could use a hand for a bit. ASHLEY: We’ll see. TALIESIN: I’d owe you one. TRAVIS: Did you handle what you needed to handle? ASHLEY: I think I did. I think I’m looking for answers for something, and I don’t know if I received any more, but I’m still looking. SAM: If you told us what it was, we could help you. ASHLEY: I don’t know if you can. LIAM: No pressure, at all, but it is nice to have some muscle around. SAM: Lots of pressure! Maximum amount of pressure! ASHLEY: Thank you, Nott. I’ll stick around and offer my strength as much as I can. LIAM: She is just joshing you. SAM: I am not! TALIESIN: She is definitely not joshing. TRAVIS: I make sure Nott’s drink is full all the time. (laughter) TRAVIS: Can I look around this unsavory place? There are no faces that I recognize, right? MATT: Glancing around, no. Other than Kara, who you had spoken with previously, nobody else catches your attention. MARISHA: What is she doing right now? She still watching us? MATT: No, she’s not watching you. She’s receded into the top balcony into a chamber behind. SAM: It seemed like the Gentleman– who’s very impressive, by the way– knows a lot about stuff, including the fact that we were involved in a plot to frame the Sutan fellow. MARISHA: He knows Kara pretty well. SAM: Do you think he would know if the Xhorhas invasion at the same time as our little plan was a bigger conspiracy? Were we set up? TALIESIN: Why would we be set up? SAM: I don’t know, but it seems coinky-dinky that we were there on a night when towers were exploding. MARISHA: I think we should talk to Kara. I’ve been playing hard to get, waiting to see if she mingles around to us. SAM: You’re so coy. TRAVIS: I think Kara’s the way to go. We start asking him questions about something that big, maybe he won’t like us poking our nose around. TALIESIN: We’ll check, but shit happens, and you’ve got to be doing something when shit happens. We just happened to be doing something. TRAVIS: When shit happened. TALIESIN: It’s hardly a coincidence. ASHLEY: You guys are going to Xhorhas? TRAVIS: No. There was a bit of a beatdown the other night in the Tri-Spire. One of the towers was attacked. MARISHA: Oh yeah. When did you get in town? ASHLEY: I saw that. TRAVIS and MARISHA: You were here? ASHLEY: I was here. I’ve been here the whole time. MARISHA: What were you up to? ASHLEY: I was trying to figure some shit out. SAM: What was it?! TALIESIN: What we commonly referred to in the circus as “Yasha-ing.” TRAVIS: Oh, Yasha-ing. ASHLEY: I like to get away from things sometimes. LIAM: We have been getting our hands dirty, a little bit. Are you sure you want to get your hands dirty with us? ASHLEY: That’s all I’d like to do. LIAM: That’s direct. TALIESIN: It’s a sight to behold. TRAVIS: You want to go talk to Kara before we get out of here? ASHLEY: Wait, what was the Xhorhas bit? SAM: Oh, Xhorhas assassins tried to steal a box of some sort that was a weapon of mass destruction or a portal to another dimension or some sort of fount of energy that powers their race, we have no idea, but they stole it, we encountered them in the sewers, we did not kill the Xhorhas assassin, but he was killed shortly thereafter and we stole his magical dodecahedron. TALIESIN: You said that in this bar. LIAM: (as Jester) Technically we stole it from the crownsguard because he took it away, so we stole it later. TALIESIN: Let’s not say anything in here that we wouldn’t want to be circulated. SAM: All you need to know is the people from Xhorhas are dead now. Do you know people from Xhorhas? ASHLEY: I’m from Xhorhas. MARISHA: What?! SAM: Who are you? TALIESIN: Wait, is that a beer? SAM: Yes. ASHLEY: Probably not where they were from. SAM: You’re a Cr– Can I say Crick? Is that okay? Do I have to be a Crick to say it? TALIESIN: She’s not a Crick. LIAM: Depends on who you’re talking to. ASHLEY: I don’t think I’m where they’re from. I’m more southern parts of Xhorhas. SAM: You’re from that part of the world? ASHLEY: No, I don’t know exactly where they were from. I don’t know who they are, I don’t know anything about them. TRAVIS: They came in trying to steal this Beacon, this glowing beacon, which we still have, but they were mighty upset about it. ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM: How long have you been in the Empire? ASHLEY: Make sure that’s correct, actually. MATT: That is correct. SAM: You don’t know if you were born there or grew up there? ASHLEY: Yes. LIAM: How long have you been here in the Empire? ASHLEY: For about– I don’t know, when did I meet you? TALIESIN: God, was it a year and a half ago? ASHLEY: Year and a half. TALIESIN: Give or take. How many people are listening in on this clearly right now? MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: I’m doing a scan, see if there’s any wandering eyes. TALIESIN: 14. Actually, no, 17, sorry. MATT: 17. As is the nature of a seedy underbelly, there are a lot of individuals who are very interested in the newcomers that waltzed in, made a deal with their boss, and have sat and had a drink and are talking all sorts of business. There are a number of folks that are slowly creeping in. TALIESIN: Can we please stop talking in here? LIAM: What do you mean, people are listening to heavy metal GWAR babe, purple guy, and little green girl in a doll mask? TALIESIN: They are serving us free drinks, of course they’re listening to everything we say. Let’s retire for the evening. SAM: Don’t we need to talk to Kara? TALIESIN: We can come back and do this tomorrow. SAM: No! She’s right here today! TALIESIN: You talk to Kara, then, but no more whatever this is. TRAVIS: Why, Lucien? You afraid the Myriad will hear? What’s his reaction? MARISHA: He definitely had a thing! TALIESIN: I am genuinely a little drunk, and didn’t remember who the Myriad were. TRAVIS: Do I believe him? MATT: Make an insight check. TRAVIS: Shit. 11. TALIESIN: What am I doing, deception? Ten. So I have to tell the truth? I have no idea, I’d literally forgotten because I’m a little drunk and I’m really preoccupied right now. MATT: You don’t have to roll deception if you’re not lying. TALIESIN: I know, I was just doing it to fuck with them. LIAM: I’m going to have Frumpkin jump into Nott’s lap and do the (gnawing) on her fingers to keep her occupied. SAM: Ah! I’ll eat you! TALIESIN: (angry meowing) MARISHA: We go talk to Kara. SAM: Do you know Lucien, too? MATT: You go through a door, and there is a switchback stairway that leads to the upper balcony area, and as you head up there, it looks like there’s a weapon rack which has a bunch of weapons set up. Kara’s currently sitting on the edge of a bench and is sharpening the blades, small daggers and stuff, and looks back. “Oh! Hello.” Sets it aside. “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t "mean to deceive anyone, but that’s my business.” MARISHA: So you were deceiving us. MATT: “I was keeping some things close to my chest, like I’m sure you do.” TRAVIS: What’s that saying? Be careful of the toes you step on, they might belong to the ass you got to kiss later? MARISHA: That’s a good one. Have to remember that one. MATT: “Look, I deceived no one, outside of what you needed to know. We got our business done. I’ve "done nothing wrong.” MARISHA: How much of this was orchestrated from the beginning? Were we a distraction for the bigger picture? MATT: “What do you mean?” TRAVIS: The attack on the tower. MATT: “Oh, the Crick attack on the tower? No, had nothing to do with us. We’re not going to work "with those savage beasts.” MARISHA: Insight check. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: I was looking at you. MARISHA: 21. (cheering) MARISHA: Bring it to me! TRAVIS: Still need a whisper corner. LIAM: (singing) Ashley, Ashley’s back, Ashley’s back in the game, she’s back in the game and she’s never going back and Blindspot is no more. Well, maybe it is, we’re just not sure, we’re waiting to find out. ASHLEY: (singing) We’re waiting to find out, but I’ll be here for a minute now. Back to the game. MATT: “That wasn’t planned by anyone. If anything, it might have saved our asses, because it made "what you did small potatoes by comparison. I’m thankful it happened, but look, those things "continue to attack us from the eastern border, and from what little information’s coming through, "it’s getting worse with each passing week, so the last thing I want to do is let any more of them "into our backyard.” MARISHA: All right. You won’t want to frame them in any type of larger scheme, considering it seems like you’re quite irritated with them? MATT: “Look, I know my limits. I’m not some mastermind. I want to make some coin, I want to "work with one of my skill sets, make the boss happy. I stay mainly within the city. I don’t want "to deal with any bigger stuff than that. I’m just a girl.” TRAVIS: I’m going to ask you a question you’re probably not going to give me the truth to. Is your relationship with the Gentleman one of a debt or one of convenience? MATT: “It’s one of convenience. Keeping it short for you, it sure beats pickpocketing in the "streets and being beaten when I’m caught.” TRAVIS: I hear that. MARISHA: Interesting. How long have you been working for the Gentleman? MATT: “About eight years.” MARISHA: That’s a long time. MATT: “I worked my way up.” MARISHA: Does he feel the same about the Xhorhasian as you do? MATT: “As far as I know, yeah. It’s not good for business.” MARISHA: You know, it’s not as difficult to rally a society of people against another. It’s not too hard to start a war if you really want to. MATT: “That’s true, but– I don’t know his whole plan, per se, but business works well when things "are predictable. Right? And when there’s war involved, things get real unpredictable. Emotions "are high. The amount of armed guard and military gets high. We’re forced to skulk in the shadows "until it blows over. Last thing we want is for all this to get any crazier then.” TRAVIS: I only have one other thing. I was taken by Dolan’s passionate message. MATT: “Dolan’s a good man. He’s not caught up in all this. Don’t try and mix us up in that, right. "He doesn’t deserve it.” TRAVIS: All right. Is some of the business that we can expect going to go against the fair people of this city? MATT: “Generally, no. Most of the folks that work with the Gentleman and that we work for are "well-paying because they’re well-off. Some of them aren’t the most moral, either. We don’t do "anything that hurts the folk that don’t deserve it. At least from what I know. We don’t kill, we "don’t murder. We just move and sell and deal in various goods that aren’t perfectly legal.” MARISHA: Did Ulog and Dolan know about your involvement with the Gentleman? MATT: “No.” MARISHA: All right, here’s my question. Ulog was in against the High-Richter. That was his motivation. Dolan wanted to get after Lord Sutan for running him out of his practice. MATT: “Right.” MARISHA: What did you get out of all this? MATT: “Well, if I have a friend that makes it high in the political chain of the city– Dolan– and I "have the ear of the Gentleman, that’s a mighty powerful ally to the underworld without that ally "knowing.” TRAVIS: Indeed. That’s a connection worth the trouble. MARISHA: You’re only in it to be a middleman? No goals or aspirations yourself? MATT: “Well, there’s good money in being the middleman, if this works out. To be honest, it "sure beats having to shuffle in the shadows. I work better in public anyway. It’s what I do for "the Gentleman now.” MARISHA: Yeah. You got a nice face. It’s good for presentory purposes. TRAVIS: “You got a nice face”? MARISHA: She does! Look! She’s got a good face! TRAVIS: I’m glad you found a place here. It was good to see you again. MATT: “You too. Sorry–” MARISHA: That was a compliment. Did it not? TRAVIS: If I can’t tell, you didn’t– MARISHA: That was a compliment. All right. Guess we’ll see you around. MATT: “Stay safe. You know where to find me, or at least ask about me, now. Looks like we’re in bed "one way or the other.” MARISHA: I mean– TRAVIS: Leave that one alone. MARISHA: All right. Let’s go! TRAVIS: We head downstairs. MATT: All right. You join up with the rest of the crew. You guys have all gathered again. What would you like to do? TALIESIN: Situationally, it could be a thing– SAM: I think they’re talking about the sword. TALIESIN: Yeah, we’ve been talking about the sword. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, the one that we had for– TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: Jester has it, doesn’t she? TALIESIN and TRAVIS: Yeah. SAM: Jester, by the way, you seriously– Your farts have been disgusting tonight. I’ve been sitting next to you all night , and it’s just foul. Foul. TRAVIS: Yeah. Like sprinkles and hard candies. Just (dry puffing). MATT: “That’s not me. That is just a gift from the Traveler.” TRAVIS: (farting) Her skirt’s like, (farting). MATT: This is why you don’t miss a game, Laura. ASHLEY: But she’s sick. TRAVIS: (singing) I’m on the couch tonight! (laughter) LIAM: Jester, why are you smearing feces all over your face? TRAVIS: It’s wafting over. MATT: Anyway. TRAVIS: Lucien– SAM: We can pass out the sword later, but do you think it’s something you could use? MATT: It a dark, graphite-colored blade that’s hooked in places and this gradual sharp. It’s a longsword, so it’s not the beefy thing you’re used to. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: What does she wield usually? TRAVIS: Greatsword. ASHLEY: Moontouched. MATT: It is a hefty blade. What you’re used to, this one’s a little smaller. It’s still helpful, but it’s your call. ASHLEY: I really saved up for the sword that I have. I thank you guys for thinking of me, but– SAM: Could you have it as a backup weapon or something? LIAM: Yeah, you could shoulder that motherfucker. SAM: Could you dual wield? MATT: I think you could use it with your Hexblade. You can use it two-handed, do a d10, but that’s up to you. It’s not as hefty or as sentimental as the one you have. ASHLEY: I’ll hold on to it. TALIESIN: We’ll hold on. We’ll see if you want to play around with it, Fjord. LIAM: Nott, maybe you could use it. You know, for laughs. SAM: Sure. MATT: It’s taller than Nott. ASHLEY: It’s taller than Nott? TALIESIN: Yeah. Many things are taller than Nott. SAM: I could use it as a makeshift shelter. LIAM: You could do the pole vault. TALIESIN: Interesting stuff there. ASHLEY: What do you think, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah, I think it’s got some potential. Do you mind if I hold on to it for a bit? ASHLEY: No, by all means. I think I’m a bit attached to my sword. SAM: Can I just clock the tabaxi and see where that satchel with our blood in it is? Did she happen to put it down while she was over? MATT: No, it is over her shoulder and by her side. LIAM: That’s a shame ASHLEY: That’s a shame, because I wanted to get it back. TRAVIS: Nott, why don’t you ask that big ogre by the door what her name is? SAM: Why? Why would I do that? TRAVIS: You have such a way with people. SAM: I do not. TRAVIS: Yeah, you knock down the barriers, you get right in. Icebreaker. SAM: People hate me. TRAVIS: No, that’s not true at all. LIAM: I will go with you, if you want. If you want us to ask this– SAM: There’s no part of this that I want! But if you’d like to go over there, I’ll be your second. LIAM: To the ogre? SAM: Yeah. I’d be comfortable talking to that little crazy gnome. TRAVIS: Always good to make friends with the doorman. You got to know this. TALIESIN: That is a fair point. SAM: All right, we can go talk to the ogre. TRAVIS: Tell him that joke you know. SAM: All right, sure. LIAM: Let’s go. SAM: Can we go by the bar, though? LIAM: This is a people-building exercise. MATT: To lay it out, the whole room is shaped like an L. Here’s the far end, and this is the chamber. You guys entered from this side, around the corner the ogre’s right there. The bar’s up here, and this is where the Gentleman was. SAM: Going to swing by the bar, I need a refill. Going to give the bartender my flask, and say: Could you fill this entire thing up? MATT: “Yeah, no problem. Boss said it’s fine.” LIAM: He’s good, pouring a flask like that. SAM: Thank you. MATT: He has practice. It’s a little spilled. It’s a little messy. SAM: I don’t tip. (laughter) TRAVIS: Character choice! LIAM: Important note: Laura Bailey has texted in that she hates us all. SAM: We’ll go over to the ogre, I guess? LIAM: Sure. This is easy. We’re all going to die. MATT: You approach the ogre? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: The ogre, who’s standing roughly ten, 11 feet tall. LIAM: This is a guy, it is a male ogre? MATT: It is a male ogre, wearing patchwork hides and fur over one shoulder, large belly, rippling muscle arms, the maul held in one hand, resting against the chest. Deep, angry jaw that has jowls that swing as it turns its head to look towards you. Both the eyes are dark and beady, with a brown iris you can barely see under the folded brow. As you approach, it (snorts). LIAM: I also grab Jester by the wrist and drag her along, because she makes everyone smile, so I bring her with. Yeah, hello. I am sorry to bother you, but I think that we are loosely connected through work relations now. This is my friend Nott, this is Jester. My name is Caleb Widogast, and we are working for the Gentleman, much like you are. We are going to be here– SAM: What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer! (laughter) TRAVIS: Come on. MARISHA: No, that’s great. MATT: (confused grunt) TRAVIS: Oh no. SAM: It didn’t work. MATT: Literally rolled an intelligence check to see if he got it. And did not. LIAM: You know, we don’t want to take up too much of your time, I was just hoping to learn two things. One, what is your name? MATT: “Kutha.” LIAM: I wipe the warm breath off of my face. TRAVIS: Kutha. LIAM: And my second question is: do you like working for the Gentleman? MATT: “Yeah.” TALIESIN: I’ve been informed by Jester that she is now to use the Wand of Smiles. (cheering) TRAVIS: What is it? (laughter) TALIESIN: From the darkness, she strikes! SAM: It looks so painful! MATT: “What’s happening?” (grunting) Clawing at the jaw, trying to pull it down. LIAM: I will take that as a yes. I am glad we are doing business with this gentleman. SAM: Good to meet you. MATT: (groaning) “You do this?!” SAM: No, it wasn’t me! I didn’t do anything! Let’s go! TRAVIS: We should go. MATT: This terrible grinning ogre, who seems confused with the facial muscles not functioning. TRAVIS: We go up the stairs and out. MARISHA: You guys made friends. Good job. TRAVIS: Kuthag? Or Kuth– MATT: Kutha. K-U-T-H-A. LIAM: Kutha. MATT: Kutha. You guys make your way back up the spiral staircase, out through the trapdoor in the back storage room of the Evening Nip, exiting past the bar where Clive Binz sits there waiting with his half burn-scarred dwarven face, who gives you a nod as you exit back into the city– now, I believe, in the late-afternoon, near dusk– the sky grows darker as you proceed onto the next leg of your adventure. And that’s where we’re going to take a break. (cheering) MATT: We’ll be back here in a few moments, guys. Please stick around; we have a great little video at 826 that I think you want to check out to let you know about the– It’s awesome, a bunch of us went down there and I hope helped– LIAM: We had the loveliest time, it was a great day; please check it out. MATT: We get to go back again on Saturday to finish up our campaign for those kids, it’s going to be exciting. We have our Wyrmwood giveaway, of course, for you folks out there. Those of you who want to come over into Twitch chat to enter, the code for tonight is “gentleman”– “A”, singular, “gentleman”! Gentleman, not men. You can only enter it once in the chat, any more than that and you’ll be disqualified. This is good for anyone in the United States, Canada, excluding Quebec, unfortunately, due to crazy rules and laws. But here you have this fancy zebrawood deck box, which is nice material that we’re all going to be signing and sending out, so we’ll come back from the break with the winner. Until then, hang tight, enjoy the break, and we’ll see you here in a few minutes. MARISHA: Hello, Critters! We are back at the Time Travel Mart in Echo Park, California, which is one of the homes of our beloved 826LA, and we’re going to tell you about this amazing organization and maybe play some Dungeons & Dragons? Come on, I’ll show you around. [funky music] MARISHA: You all probably remember this guy, Joel, the executive director from 826LA. Thank you so much for having us and talking to us once again. We’ve been doing this a few years now. JOEL: I think this is our third or fourth time together and I really appreciate the incredible support you’ve given us over the years, so thank you. MARISHA: Yeah, aren’t the Critters such an amazing group? We’ve heard rumors of people coming and stopping by and volunteering, yeah? JOEL: Yeah, they’re an incredibly generous group, and we’ve had volunteer orientations a few times a month, and there’s always a good ten folks who show up, and when we ask them, “How did you hear about "us?” they talk about your show, and it’s been a huge help to us. MARISHA: Oh my goodness, that warms my heart so much. I love it. Okay, so give us a little bit of a rundown on what 826 is, and what you guys do for all the amazing kids that come through here. JOEL: We’re a writing and tutoring organization. We really want to get kids excited about writing. We want to honor their creativity and give them a space where they can have fun and engage with volunteers who can listen and help guide them in their storytelling and in their writing. We do this after school tutoring, we do night time tutoring and we do workshops. We also do a field trip program, and then we also go into schools all across Los Angeles to provide this free, one-on-one service to kids. MARISHA: You guys have 826 chapters all over the country, correct? JOEL: That’s right, we’re part of 826 National, which is our umbrella organization out of San Francisco. We have chapters in San Francisco, we have one in New York, in Chicago, D.C., Michigan, Detroit. We’re actually opening one in New Orleans very soon. MARISHA: (gasps) Hey, NOLA! JOEL: NOLA. So we’re excited. We’re all very connected and we share resources and support each other. We’re all independent non-profits in our cities, but we collaborate and support each other. MARISHA: I love it so much. You guys have the Time Travel Mart, which is amazing, if you’re ever in Los Angeles, you have to come visit it. You have different themes for each of those across the nation, yeah? JOEL: Yeah, so we have actually two Time Travel Marts here in Los Angeles. We’ve got the one here that we’re in Echo Park, and we have one in Mar Vista, which is from the 1890s– this one’s the 1980s Time Travel Mart. San Francisco has a pirate store, New York has a superhero supply store, they sell robot supplies in Michigan. MARISHA: (laughs) That all feeds right back into the organization, yeah? JOEL: Yeah. All the profit from those sales help pay for the free services we provide to kids from six to 18 years of age. MARISHA: How did that even come about? How did you guys think to do that? It’s so brilliant. JOEL: Dave Eggers, one of the founders of the organization, he was working with some volunteers at our founding site in San Francisco, and when they were taking apart the place, somebody said it looked like the inside of a pirate ship. So they decided to build a pirate store in the front. It was a joke at first, but people started leaving money at the counter. They didn’t even have a person who would take money– people kept donating and leaving money, so it became a concept, and all the cities now have storefronts. MARISHA: Now, if people want to get involved in 826LA or any of the 826’s across the country, how is the best way to go about doing that? JOEL: Well, you can go to our website 826la.org, and there’s a whole section for volunteers where you could learn about what it takes to volunteer and you can sign up for volunteer orientation. All of our chapters across the nation have their own sites, so folks can visit and get involved. MARISHA: Awesome. You don’t necessarily have to tutor if that’s not your jam. You can do many things, right? JOEL: Yeah, we don’t turn any volunteers away. We try to figure out ways to get all volunteers involved. We need help with design, we need help with copy editing, we have a ton of projects that we could always use help on. MARISHA: Amazing. All skill sets are appreciated. JOEL: Absolutely. MARISHA: Joel, thank you, as always, for taking the time. JOEL: Thank you. MARISHA: All right, we’ll see you soon. JOEL: See you soon. MARISHA: All right, here’s the deal: we are dedicating the next four weeks to our favorite charity, 826LA. Now, for every 5000 dollars we raise, a new incentive will be unlocked for everyone. TALIESIN: For a complete list of those incentives, head on over to geekandsundry.com. LIAM: Additionally, D&D Beyond has offered to donate $100 for every natural one rolled by the Mighty Nein up until June– including every natural one rolled to date, making a positive out of our misery. TRAVIS: And we have an amazing community member and Critter who has graciously offered to match all donations up to $40,000. That means each dollar that you donate will be doubled. MATT: A huge thank you, of course, to our friends at D&D Beyond, Geek and Sundry, and Wyrmwood for being so wonderful to support 826LA and bring joy to all of these kids. And, of course, we have to thank you, the Critters, whose continuous care and generosity even makes things like this possible. So I guess it’s time, guys. ALL: Let’s do this! [break] MATT: Welcome back. Great timing. TRAVIS: They’re getting worse. MATT: So, we have our winner for the evening for the Wyrmwood giveaway. It is LoupRouge. LoupRouge, congratulations. Danoba will get your information and we’ll get that sent out to you ASAP. So congrats! All right, bringing us back into the game, you guys have all reassembled with a moment of your thoughts on the outside of the Evening Nip, just as the sun has set. The oranges and purples of the sky have taken over with the little bits that you can see beyond the cloud cover that still seems to permeate the atmosphere above you. With the recent storm mostly passed, it seems at least the gray skies are clinging as hard as they can. What do you wish to do? LIAM: Sun’s on its way down, you said? MATT: The sun has recently set. LIAM: It has set, okay. TRAVIS: I feel like I should divvy up that gold that I didn’t hand out earlier. TALIESIN: That is a very fine idea. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll have to remember– MARISHA: We want to go back to the Leaky Tap? TRAVIS: I’ll have to remember to do that some other day. TALIESIN: I think that also sounds like a very fine idea. MARISHA: You know, that’s safe. We should also probably check in on the dodeca-doohickey as well. TALIESIN: That’s a fair point. TRAVIS: Oh, right. Does Jester have that? MATT: Jester has it, yeah, inside the backpack. MARISHA: Oh, right, she has it. Never mind. TRAVIS: I guess we should let Horris know that he’ll get an escort out of town, right? MARISHA: Yeah. He was at the Leaky Tap, right? We left him there? MATT: You left him at the Leaky Tap, yeah. MARISHA: Okay, yeah. Let’s do that. TRAVIS: Let’s do it. MATT: So you guys head back to the Leaky Tap. You head back to your chambers, and within the one room, Horris has been very careful. As soon as you open the door, Horris immediately grabs the nearby chair and like gets ready. “Oh. You’ve returned.” MARISHA: Going for the chair. I’m into it. TRAVIS: Yeah, right? MATT: “Sorry, just, I’m a little jumpy. How are things going? How’s the search been?” TRAVIS: It went well. I think we found suitable passage for you out of this city. Needless to say, without involving you too much, we’re going to have someone take you out a secret entrance and make sure you’re safe on your way out. MARISHA: I hope you’re okay with being blindfolded. MATT: “I trust you. Yeah.” MARISHA: Sorry. It was part of the deal. TRAVIS: Yeah, I guess it was. MATT: “Okay. No, that’s fine. (sighs) Thank you. I can’t even begin to express my thanks.” TRAVIS: I didn’t write down how much fucking gold, didn’t I? 620. SAM: Is Dolan gone? Already? MARISHA: Dolan is staying. Horris is getting out of Dodge. SAM: Got it. MARISHA: Horris, have you heard anything while we’ve been gone, or have you been staying in here? MATT: “I’ve been staying in here. I’ve been looking out the windows. There’s been more guard "activity in the streets. It looks like they’re making their way inward into the city and "beginning to inquire, at least from what I’ve seen. That’s it. Other than that, I’ve just been "bored and reading this book.” (chuckles) TALIESIN: Page-turner. MATT: “Yeah.” TRAVIS: Any favorite parts? MATT: “Eh, no.” TRAVIS: Hate those. Pictures good? MATT: “There aren’t any pictures.” TRAVIS: What the fuck are you reading it for, then? MATT: (clears throat) “Anyway.” MARISHA: (whispers) Your Grog is showing. TRAVIS: Yeah, sorry. Listen, everybody gets 104 gold. SAM: 104 gold?! TRAVIS: Yep, and three silver. MARISHA: 104 gold. TRAVIS: No, not you. TALIESIN: Not yet. ASHLEY: (laughs) Fuck off. I was there in spirit. SAM: How many silver? What did you say? TRAVIS: Three silver. SAM: Oh. LIAM: This is a good time to mention that in between last game and this– MATT: Oh, right. LIAM: –cantrips not– MATT: You can buy cantrip scrolls, but not– LIAM: Right, but Caleb would have known that. MATT: Right. LIAM: After Liam had asked the DM. MATT: Correct. You cannot transcribe cantrips. LIAM: So we’re switching out that cantrip for Hold Person, if that was at the store. MATT: Right. Yeah, it was. And paid the difference. LIAM: And Caleb is flat broke. Until right now! MATT: There you go! Always skirting that edge. I lived that life for three years. TRAVIS: So did we all. MARISHA: So much ramen. TALIESIN: It was D&D ramen. MATT: Paycheck, paycheck, paycheck. Paycheck! It’s gone. TRAVIS: Cereal for dinner. MATT: “Anyway.” TRAVIS: Well. I assume they’ll come for you, sometime in the night or in the morning. Hope you won’t mind if we don’t wait. We traded your expedited journey out of the city in order for us to go and take care of some bit of business for them. MATT: “Very well. Just tell me what you need from me, or what I should do.” TRAVIS: We didn’t really ask, did we? MARISHA: I thought he was coming with us when we go to leave. That’s what I thought. TRAVIS: Oh. MARISHA: Is that– or am I mistaken? TRAVIS: No, I think that’s probably right. MATT: You didn’t specify. But that seems like it might be a viable plan. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Either that or they’ll kill him. (fake laugh) MATT: “What?” MARISHA: Out of game, out of game! Don’t, you’re not– DM’s not here. DM’s not here. MATT: DM’s always here. MARISHA: Well, we should probably blindfold him ourselves on the way there so he just don’t even. We’ll figure it out. LIAM: You blindfold him on the way to being blindfolded? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Oh? MARISHA: Because if we take him down into the Evening Nip with us then they’re going to want to do the whole “Let me take your blood!” thing and “You weren’t here,” and “Who the fuck are you?” and all that shit. LIAM: Oh. TRAVIS: True. TALIESIN: How are we going to get him through the city with a blindfold on? MARISHA: So we don’t want to do that. Sorry, also Marisha talking right now. TRAVIS: Maybe just before we go in. Anything we want to do before we go out on this errand? SAM: Oh, I think there was one thing. Tell us everything about you! Are you fucking kidding me?! Leave! Leave, Horris! Leave! MATT: “I’ll step in one of the other rooms. Is there a key I could–” MARISHA: Here. I toss him mine and Jester’s key. Just don’t steal any of the pillowcases or go through any of our luggage. TRAVIS: Yeah, they’re booby-trapped. MATT: “Okay.” He leaves the room. As soon as he leaves the room, Jester goes, “Okay, so tell us "about you! Each!” ASHLEY: I mean, this is not about me right now. SAM: It could be! ASHLEY: It doesn’t need to be. SAM: But you have secrets too! And you’re a pair! You know, I distinctly remember a moment when we were the shady pair of this group. But now it looks like you guys are! TALIESIN: Everyone’s a shady pair in this group. Somehow, even as individuals, we are all somehow shady pairs. It is just inevitable. SAM: Now I’m hungry for pears. TRAVIS: Sounds like a retirement home. The Shady Pear. (laughter) TRAVIS: I mean, Lucien, Noganon, what the fuck? MARISHA: Lucien sounds very, “I’m trying to find myself,” by the way. Just throwing that out there. SAM: Angsty teen. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s very angsty teen! TRAVIS: Is your real name Peter? MARISHA: I dated a few Luciens. Like, way too many Luciens. TALIESIN: Is this Marisha, or is this Beau? MARISHA: This is… Beau. TALIESIN: Never mind. MARISHA: Beau, but it’s still not necessarily untrue. TRAVIS: Undetermined percentage is still– TALIESIN: We’ve all been Lucien. LIAM: Six of one, half a dozen of another. Order of the story. MARISHA: Lot of guys in bands. Yeah. TALIESIN: So. Well, I was born on the continent of– I really– TRAVIS: No, don’t stop. Just keep going. SAM: Would you like a drink? Here. It’s filled with many alcohols from different taverns. TALIESIN: I genuinely thought I would have some bullshit together by now, and I’m really sort of stuck. ASHLEY: Listen, I’ve never pushed you to talk about anything. If you don’t feel comfortable, you don’t owe any of us anything. TALIESIN: It’s dangerous, though. It’s officially dangerous. TRAVIS: What, to tell us what you’re about to tell us? For us, or for you? TALIESIN: At this point, what’s the difference? TRAVIS: Well, one’s us and one’s you. MARISHA: We definitely left our vials in a shady cellar with a bunch of underground criminals. SAM: I stole three empty vials from that place. I’m very excited about them. They’re empty, but they’re still really shiny. LIAM: (intones melody) TRAVIS: They’re all the same note because they’re all fucking empty. (intones melody) Oh no, that wouldn’t work. SAM: But seriously. TALIESIN: But seriously. I’ve been part of a shady group. I’ve been dealing with shady friends for as long as I can remember. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about dealing with people that you can’t trust, is that you have to trust them where you can and not trust them where you can’t. I’m not saying that I know what I’m doing or anything, but I don’t want anybody– I want this to work. I need this to work. I’ve not done this in a while. All right. TRAVIS: I noticed that she kind of had the same influence over the blood that you have, but different. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s interesting, isn’t it? This might even be easier if you just ask questions. I really don’t know how to tell this story. LIAM: Why do you have so many names? TALIESIN: I woke up without any names, or any past, buried in the ground two years ago. TRAVIS: Buried in the ground? LIAM: You woke up buried in the ground? SAM: Were you dead? TALIESIN: Obviously not. TRAVIS: In a box? In the dirt? TALIESIN: In the dirt. LIAM: And you are saying that you have no memory? TALIESIN: My first memory, my oldest memory is dirt in my face, underground. SAM: Jester would like to cast Zone of Truth. LIAM: Keeping it real on the field line! SAM: She says: (as Jester) I would like to play truth or dare, but without the dare. TALIESIN: How honest do I have to be? MATT: We’ll find out in a second. TALIESIN: Okay. LIAM: Well, you can say whatever you want, but whatever you say has to be true. That’s how it works. You can also just say, “I don’t feel like talking.” MATT: All right, all of you who are in the 15-foot radius it’s being cast in, which would probably be… everybody. You’re all staying close on this. Everybody please make charisma saving throw. LIAM: Wow. MARISHA: Saving throw? TRAVIS: Charisma saving throw? MATT: Charisma saving throw. SAM: I got a one. ASHLEY: Hey, money! SAM: Natural one! Ten dollars! To 826LA! (cheering) MARISHA: It’s 100 dollars. SAM: What!? That’s even better! MARISHA: 100 dollars for every natural one. TALIESIN: I rolled a four. SAM: Okay, you’re in. ASHLEY: 13. LIAM: 13. MARISHA: 16. TRAVIS: 22. MATT: You are the only two that succeeded. Everyone else, you have to speak the truth. LIAM: But, DM, we know that, we feel it, according to the spell. MATT: Yes. You all sense the energy come over you and for a second you’re a little confused by it. TALIESIN: All right, that’s not entirely true. It’s a vague memory. I don’t really remember it. It’s kind of all jumbled. It’s what I’ve been told, about some of it. MARISHA: So is that ritual she was rambling about? TALIESIN: I don’t know. TRAVIS: So before you woke up in the dirt, nothing? TALIESIN: There is no before. Whatever happened before is not me. It’s not part of anything– (sighs) SAM: Like your life reset somehow? Or you just don’t remember? TALIESIN: Some asshole got buried in the dirt. Fuck him. I am enjoying what I’m doing; I want nothing to do with that. Anything that came before, I was happy to just leave it be. LIAM: Yeah, but do you have any theories for what happened before? TALIESIN: No. MARISHA: Did you look the same, or did you come back–? TALIESIN: How would I know? SAM: Everything before two years ago is nothing to you. Black. TALIESIN: That’s somebody else. TRAVIS: Two years ago, did you have all those tattoos? TALIESIN: No, not exactly. SAM: Any of them? TALIESIN: Some of them, yes. LIAM: How much time passed between waking up in a dirt box and the circus? TALIESIN: Days. I was a bit out of it. It’s hard to remember. I wasn’t speaking, really. Do you have memories from your childhood? LIAM: Yeah, many. TRAVIS: Sure. TALIESIN: It felt like that. It’s all bright and more meaningful than it should be. There was just nothing. I was practically catatonic; I was barely speaking. MARISHA: Did you wake up to people, or alone? TALIESIN: Alone. LIAM: Are you a good guy? TALIESIN: I’d like to think so. TRAVIS: Why did she seem like she looked up to you so much? TALIESIN: I don’t know. I don’t know who that was. I’ve never heard the name Lucien before, or that other name. I’ve never heard of any of it. ASHLEY: I didn’t realize you didn’t. You did a good job at pretending. TALIESIN: Yeah, well. I like pretending. Pretending’s great. Who cares where anybody came from? MARISHA: How do you know she actually thinks it’s you and not, you know, maybe she just mistook you for someone actually named Lucien? TALIESIN: That’s possible except, of course, she had weird blood powers. MARISHA: So this happens to you. TALIESIN: Few months after I came to, I started noticing I could do things, knew things that I didn’t necessarily know I knew. LIAM: Are you talking about your abilities? TALIESIN: Yeah. I can– can I see that dagger? SAM: I have three of them. TALIESIN: Pick one. SAM: (dink) TALIESIN: Ice. MATT: You watch as this large cluster of moisture all of a sudden solidifies around the outside of the blade, and the blade is now encrusted in jagged ice shards that just stick out, the steam coming off of it. Mist. SAM: That’s amazing. I would ask about how you discovered that, because that would not be something that I would ever just do, just to just see. But we’ll leave that for another day. TALIESIN: Oh no, I can, we’re here. This is happening. That’s fine. SAM: Question. Go back two beats. You said, “Who cares about what happened before?” TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: Do you really not want to know your past? Answer truthfully. TALIESIN: I really don’t. Whoever that was came to that end, and I want nothing to do with that. Whatever it was, it doesn’t feel good when I– the moment when something creeps through, I don’t like it. I don’t want anything to do with it. I was happy! I liked the circus! The circus was great! LIAM: (As Jester) “Oh! I have a question! Is there anyone in the group you find super attractive?” (As Liam) A text from Laura. TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: I think she was asking Yasha. LIAM: Oh, ask Yasha, oh. ASHLEY: Too late. LIAM: (As Jester) “What about you?” MATT: As the nature of the spell, you know you are under the effect of it, and you can be dodgy if you need to, but it’s up to you. LIAM: (As Jester) “You can tell me!” TALIESIN: That’s a good Laura. ASHLEY: I feel like– it’s a very good Laura. Yes, of course there are people here that I think are very attractive and charming, but that doesn’t mean I will act on that. TALIESIN: You can be monosyllabic if you like with these people. TRAVIS: Molly– TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. TRAVIS: In the years that have gone by– SAM: Yasha has a crush on me. TRAVIS: Has anyone called you any other names besides Molly, Lucien or– SAM: Nonagon? TRAVIS: Yeah. Mahna Mahna. TALIESIN: Yeah, whatever that was. Not without me feeding it to them first. I mean, I’ve conned people. We’ve all conned people. I’ve used other names before. TRAVIS: No, but did they know you? Did they come up and give you a name? ASHLEY: This was the first time that’s happened. TALIESIN: A lot of this was in the hopes that maybe it would never happen, keep moving, keep quiet. TRAVIS: You don’t know anything about the ritual she was talking about? TALIESIN: But I’ll say this, and I’m going to put the knife down. Is there anything sharp around? Anything at all? TRAVIS: In this group? MATT: Yeah, plenty of things that are sharp. TALIESIN: Something that’s even ridiculous, like something not normal. MATT: Yeah, I mean, there are jagged parts of the wooden frame of the bed. TALIESIN: Perfect! I’m just going to cut myself again on the wooden frame and grab it, and use radiance. MATT: Okay. You watch as this bright, vibrant light billows out of it, glowing in the vicinity, similar that you’ve seen it encase the scimitar. TALIESIN: I’ll admit, this is new. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s a hell of a thing. TALIESIN: You got to see the first time this happened. TRAVIS: Right. LIAM: Yasha, how much of this was under wraps? You knew any of this, in your time in the circus with– ASHLEY: I knew that he woke up and that he did not know who he was, but this was the first time that this has happened. Where someone has come to us and recognized him from his past. LIAM: (As Jester) “Molly, what about have you ever pooped your pants?” TRAVIS: That’s actually in the text thread chain. TALIESIN: Not that I’m– Well, no. That’s fair, sure. Well, it was worth it every time. SAM: I’m sorry to belabor this, but what if you had a good life before this? What if you were famous or rich or had friends or family? ASHLEY: I think were quite an amazing person– TALIESIN: Okay, here’s the thing that you’re not catching. That wasn’t me. This is mine. I don’t want anything from that other person anymore. That person is someone else. I don’t want anything to do with it. I did not feel good coming out of that. It was– I’m in for a penny, might as well. I’m told, although I don’t entirely remember this part, that I only said the word empty over and over again for the first week. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and SAM: Empty? TALIESIN: I don’t know what that means. LIAM: M.T. or empty? TALIESIN: Empty. I don’t know. Barely remember. LIAM: Jester? I feel your touch on this conversation, is this all accurate? MATT: “As far as I can tell, yes. He did indeed poop his pants.” LIAM: And the rest? MATT: “Oh that too, yes!” SAM: Empty. TALIESIN: That sounds terrible. I don’t want to remember anything. I don’t want to anybody else’s baggage in my head and I don’t want anybody else’s problems, thoughts, ideas. I like this person, right now is a good person. Is a fine person. Is a happy person. MARISHA: She kept referencing a book. TRAVIS: No idea. TALIESIN: Sounds shifty. MARISHA: What if we could find the book? TALIESIN: Nope. I don’t want it. LIAM: Well, I will say, I am a little concerned about, you know, loose ends coming to bite you, and us in the butt. However– TALIESIN: We all have a few, I assume. LIAM: I believe in second starts and that’s enough for me. TALIESIN: Can you imagine what it would feel like to not feel anything about anything that had happened to you so far? TRAVIS, LIAM, and SAM: No. MARISHA: Yes. TALIESIN: Why am I not surprised? SAM: What do you mean yes? You can imagine what it’s like what it’s like to not feel anything before this moment? Have you died before? MARISHA: No. Doesn’t mean you have to find meaning in meaningless things. TALIESIN: It’s very freeing. It’s the best thing– it’s the thing that happened to me. It’s not the best thing that happened to me, it’s the thing that happened to me. I found peace in building a new person. The Moonweaver– MARISHA: You know just because you know about your past doesn’t mean you have to be beholden to it. SAM: That’s true. MARISHA: If you– TALIESIN: What if it feels that I owe it something? MARISHA: You don’t owe your past shit. If I don’t feel anything about my past, but I still remember it and I still don’t give a fuck about where I came from then, why should you care about shit that you don’t even remember? TRAVIS: That’s a layered question. TALIESIN: I spent two years before I met you all cajoling people, occasionally ripping them off, occasionally doing a good turn here or there. Never trust the truth. The truth is vicious. The truth thinks you owe it something. None of that. I like my bullshit. It’s good. It’s happy. It makes other people happy. SAM: But it’s not who you are. TALIESIN: It is exactly who I am. TRAVIS: Can I ask you, when you’re praying over your swords at night, are you actually doing anything? TALIESIN: Well, do you know who the Moonweaver is? TRAVIS: No. TALIESIN: Excellent. The swords are cheap carnival glass. There’s nothing special about them. LIAM: May I make a check to see if I have ever heard of the Moonweaver? MATT: Make a religion check. SAM: Is the Moonweaver not real? LIAM: 23. MATT: Oh yeah, you’ve definitely heard of the Moonweaver. TALIESIN: Literally a decorated pair of swords to make them look special. MATT: The Moonweaver is classically more of an elven deity. They are a god over night, of shadows, music, there’s a lot of variations to what they go over, but they are definitely not one of the approved religions in the empire, and is not considered one of the betrayer gods classically. Is an inspiration for a lot of art in classic elven history, even some modern. The caretaker of evening trysts. Has a lot of unique history to the Moonweaver. TRAVIS: So it’s you that’s special, not your swords. TALIESIN: That’s true. MARISHA: Molly, you seem like you have a pretty solidified identity for someone who has only had consciousness for two years. TALIESIN: Things came back quick, and the circus helped. They were good people. They did a lot of me and joy can fill an awful lot of a person’s life. MARISHA: Things came back quick; do you feel like there’s still remnants of whoever you once were that have informed who you are now? TALIESIN: Maybe. I feel tinges of things on occasion, nothing I like. MARISHA: Interesting. SAM: If you always lie and bullshit, how are we ever going to believe you? TALIESIN: Because I always lie and bullshit. MARISHA: I can kind of agree with that. Cheers to bullshit. TALIESIN: I may be a liar but I’m never a betrayer. I’m honest in my work, and I believe in doing a good turn. I’ve never cheated you out of money. I’ve never robbed from you. I stayed with that circus for two years, I know how people treat each other. It’s important. And all that stuff you told me before? I’ve got to admit, I didn’t even listen to any bit of it. I was just trying to teach you a lesson. I don’t care where you’ve been. I don’t care what terrible things any of you have done. You’re here now. This is how it works. LIAM: (as Jester) “Molly?” TALIESIN: Yes, darling. LIAM: (as Jester) “I have a question.” TALIESIN: Of course. LIAM: (as Jester) “Can you really read fortunes?” TALIESIN: I use fortunes to tell people what I see in them. But sometimes, sometimes, I feel like maybe there’s something that tickles the back of my head, I will admit. LIAM: (as Jester) “You have a feeling?” TALIESIN: Some days. MARISHA: Don’t believe him, Jester. TALIESIN: Am I lying? SAM: He has to be telling the truth. MATT: No. TALIESIN: Thank you. TRAVIS: He has to. ASHLEY: I do feel like you actually, weirdly, have a gift for that. TALIESIN: I always try to be helpful when I turn cards for people. MARISHA: You ever think you could actually be doing damage, though? Setting people on false paths? TALIESIN: People are looking for a path, they’re looking for a path. And I’ll tell you– and this is true– I did my best every town I went to and every town I left, no matter how they treated me– and a lot of them treated me with deep disrespect. MARISHA: Some people are vulnerable and looking for answers. TALIESIN: I left every town better than I found it. SAM: Which tattoos are the old ones? I mean, I don’t want to see your naked body or anything. But do you have some? TALIESIN: Is it– yeah, no. So I show off the peacock a little bit. One of the peacock feathers on the neck– LIAM: What about your tattoos, though? TALIESIN: Thank you, Liam. One of the eyes on one of the peacock feathers is a bright crimson red, which any of you if you’d ever made a fucking insight check would know. God, I was waiting for you to fuck with me. It’s also the same place that he bleeds every time that he uses any of his powers. There’s also a red eye on the snake on the palm, and there’s a red eye on the snake on the opposite side of the hand. SAM: What does that mean? What does it mean? Caleb, what does it mean? LIAM: That’s a lot of ink, man. SAM: Red eyes or something? TALIESIN: There are various– LIAM: Hey, does any of that symbology mean anything to me? MATT: Not at the moment. How much do you show? TALIESIN: I’m just showing the snake, the two snake eyes. I’m showing the peacock eye. And then I’m going to show the eye in the floral arrangement. MARISHA: Come on, Patterson, come on. Help us out here right now. This is your day job. ASHLEY: Well, I’ll have to look at my tattoo database. (laughter) SAM: Get out the black light. TALIESIN: I tried to cover them, but they wouldn’t take ink. So I just did my best. SAM: They’re not tattoos? TALIESIN: No. I don’t know what they are. SAM: They’re just markings? TALIESIN: I don’t know. TRAVIS: But you don’t remember getting them? They just appeared? SAM: They were just there. LIAM: (as Jester) “(clears throat) Caleb, I have a question.” TRAVIS: You don’t have to do every one of these that’s she’s going to fucking write. LIAM: (as Jester) “Do you shave your butt?” (as Caleb) I can truthfully say– TALIESIN: I don’t. LIAM: No, that was for me. TALIESIN: But now that you bring it up, because I’d never occurred to it, I might start. TRAVIS: That was to Caleb. TALIESIN: Oh, that was for Caleb. Never mind, sorry. SAM: No, that’s very interesting. Good to know. LIAM: Now you know that neither Molly nor I shave our butt. TALIESIN: Who butt shaves? LIAM: And also there’s not a lot of hair there anyway, so. MATT: And also, there’s only a couple minutes more left on the spell. TALIESIN: Anything else before we’re done here? MARISHA: Did you ever know anyone who did used to try and set people on wrong paths with their fortune telling? TALIESIN: No. We tried– That’s dangerous work and it’ll usually backfire. No interest in that. It’s mostly just trying to help people get their shit together. Did someone send you on the wrong path? MARISHA: No. TALIESIN: That’s fair. I don’t care, to be fair. MARISHA: Still in the Zone of Truth now. TRAVIS: Is there anything about you that you don’t want us to know? TALIESIN: Yes. Everything. I like the safety of it, and if I had had my way, this would’ve been a conversation for a later date. But I need to protect you and myself from whatever that is, so you need to know that that is a wild card. TRAVIS: I appreciate that. MARISHA: Well this was fun. SAM: I feel like we should do this every night. But I will say this: Lucien? TALIESIN: It’s a terrible name. SAM: It’s terrible. TALIESIN: I don’t ever want to know who that person is. SAM: It’s like a kid with a soft mustache that’s not like a real– you know, like a– TALIESIN: Let me make this abundantly clear. My name is Molly. That person is dead and not me. It’s just a person who had this body. They abandoned it, it’s mine now. SAM: I think that you need to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going and I respect your feelings– TALIESIN: And I feel that you’re fretfully ignorant and filled with platitudes. But I still like you regardless. SAM: I feel like when you’re ready to know your past, I would support that and I would help you find it. TALIESIN: Maybe he killed goblins. Maybe he was a goblin hunter. Maybe he ate them. Raw. LIAM: Perhaps we have learned all we need to learn from this conversation. Maybe it is time to turn in. We have some things to do tomorrow. I am satisfied, Mollymauk Tealeaf. For now. TALIESIN: This was not how I expected this to go. Thank you. MARISHA: For what it’s worth, I like you a little better now. SAM: Me too. MARISHA: You don’t have to reciprocate it. TALIESIN: I’m waiting for the spell to dissipate before I say anything. MATT: About now the spell has dissipated. TALIESIN: I both like you more and less at the same time. MARISHA: I get that a lot. SAM: Is the spell gone? MATT: The spell’s gone. SAM: Goddamn it! Yasha, tell us everything! Fuck! MATT: You can still press her. TALIESIN: Thank you, dear. (sighs) TRAVIS: Should we turn in before we head out tomorrow? MARISHA: Oh yeah, Fjord and I found out that we’re probably going to be facing some undead wispy things that might electrocute us. SAM: I think we all– did we all find out? No? TRAVIS: Yeah, we came out and told you that. TALIESIN: Even that “undead wispy things,” is that triggering anything in the brain? MATT: You know, go ahead and make a religion check. With advantage. LIAM: The Gentleman described the research facility to everybody right? Before they split off? MATT: He what? LIAM: The Gentleman. MATT: Yes. LIAM: Described the research facility, the job to everybody. MATT: To everybody who was present at the table and remained within the vicinity at the moment. LIAM: Right. So we all heard that? MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: 19. MATT: Yeah, you’re familiar with these entities. They’re generally undead orbs that– TALIESIN: Undead orbs. MATT: That haunt swamps, haunt areas where they seek life force to siphon it and devour it. They’re will-o’-wisps. TALIESIN: They’re basically will-o’-wisps. You usually find them in swamps or things like that. MARISHA: Okay. Do you know how to fight them? TALIESIN: Yes. Am I smoldering? MARISHA: You are. (chuckles) TALIESIN: Yes. MARISHA: Yes. It’s so good. It’s a good movie. TALIESIN: I know. Anyway. All right. TRAVIS: We’ll turn in. MATT: All right, you guys all turn in? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: All right. An evening’s rest takes you as you all take a while, ruminating on the events of the day, the information acquired and the path before you. You eventually find yourselves to sleep so you can take your long rests for the night. Are you doing anything with the sword? TRAVIS: With the sword? MATT: Yeah. SAM: The one– you mean the– MATT: The one that you took from Yasha. TRAVIS: Oh. MATT: Are you– TRAVIS: Not yet. MATT: Not yet? Okay. Anybody else? Anything? All right then. As the morning comes to, you all wake up relatively early because you went to bed relatively early. It’s shortly after sunrise. You find yourself conscious. Some of the first to really hit the downstairs tavern for breakfast. Food is served, drinks are had and the morning and day is yours. What do you wish to do? TRAVIS: How long does it take to attune to something? An hour? Shit, maybe I should have– MARISHA: A short rest. MATT: You can do it if you want. MARISHA: Yeah, you could do it if you want. TRAVIS: Yeah, I want to try to attune to the Wastehunter Blade. MATT: Okay. So you focus on it and as you lie there, concentrating on it, you extend the essence of whatever pact you’ve made with this entity into this weapon. As you finally finish the period of time, you hold the blade in front of you and it vanishes into the pocket. TRAVIS: Nice. MATT: As you force it to apparate once more in your grasp and the blade returns, it has the same hooked shape, but now this blade is encrusted with barnacles along the base of it. Edges of it have curved around and water continues to drip off this. It seems to have transferred whatever the essence of this pact blade is to this one. At this moment you realize whatever weapon you seem to bond with in this way will carry that same aquatic essence based on the communion that you’ve acquired. TALIESIN: Did you do this alone or was I in the room when this happened? I would have loved to have watched this. TRAVIS: Yeah, you were there. TALIESIN: I walk up, get a little uncomfortably close, put my hand on your chest. The power was in you, all along. See you at breakfast! LIAM: Oh no. I’m going to scuttle off and go over to Pumat’s. I have just a short little shopping. TRAVIS: Oh, I need to go as well. LIAM: Oh, you do? Okay. So I’m having bacon down below, so I will wait until I see you. SAM: Anyone need to go to Pumat’s? TRAVIS: Oh, you know who should come? Yasha. SAM: She’s never met Pumats Sols. ASHLEY: Pumats? TRAVIS: Yeah. The Invulnerable Vagrant. SAM: It’s a quartet. It’s a doo-wop group. MARISHA: It’s crazy. SAM: They all sing bass. LIAM: You need to let your soul glow. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: Hey, would you all mind looking in to see if you find any throwing stars or any throwing darts? Here, I’ll give you some– here. LIAM: Shuriken? MARISHA: Yeah. See, I need something– I give him a little bit of gold to see if he– MATT: Okay. LIAM: How much is a little bit? MARISHA: Here. Here’s ten gold. LIAM: Hey! MARISHA: Bring me back the change. LIAM: For throwing stars from Pumat. Okay. I will definitely ask him if he has “throwing stars.” MARISHA: If he does not have throwing stars ask for darts or the equivalent. Do not fuck me here, Caleb. Do not fuck me. LIAM: Not interested, but I will ask about the items you are looking for. SAM: Seems pretty aggressive for a favor. MATT: Classic Beauregard. TRAVIS: You’ll like this. Pumat Sol is– how would you describe? Unique? LIAM: Well, not one-of-a-kind. TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. (laughter) TRAVIS: Maybe we should just– TALIESIN: Did you just tell a joke? LIAM: No. TALIESIN: (sighs) It’s a shame. It was a very good one. SAM: Germans don’t tell jokes. (laughter) MATT: Zemnians. SAM: Zemnians experience only pain. (laughter) TRAVIS: Anybody else coming to the Invulnerable Vagrant besides the three of us? Yep, four. ASHLEY: What’s it called? TRAVIS: The Invulnerable Vagrant. SAM: Is everybody going to go? MARISHA: I’ll stay here and watch Horris. Me and Jester, right. MATT: Jester will stay as well. There you go. MARISHA: I’m going to go wake him up. He’s been sleeping in. Asshole. SAM: (as Jester) “I have the diarrhea.” (laughter) MARISHA: Come on Jester, come on. LIAM: Oh man. TRAVIS: (as Jester) “Don’t make me laugh.” MATT: Oh, boy. LIAM: Laura is texting with a full case of FOMO right now. Ooh. TALIESIN: She’s slowly sharpening a blade at home, just– LIAM: We miss you, Laura. Next week. TRAVIS: When I come home all the lights will be off with just a candle and a chair. LIAM: When you get home, just the blinds are open. MATT: All righty. So for those of you who are making your way towards the Pentamarket, you eventually find the outskirts of the Invulnerable Vagrant. You enter the interior and there are two other individuals that are doing business with two of the Pumats. TRAVIS: Do we recognize them? MATT: You do not. They seem to be just asking questions and looking about the vicinity. MARISHA: Before they leave, can I be like, don’t forget, they’re looking for us. To Molly. TALIESIN: Do I recognize these people? MATT: You do not. TALIESIN: Okay. I may have the chill cloak flipped, to try and be a little less conspicuous rolling around, for what it’s worth. MATT: Okay. LIAM: You did the artist formerly known as Prince? MATT: So as you enter the chamber and you see the two Pumats are busy, the counter is currently not helmed and they’re mid-discussion, but one of them turns and kind of acknowledges you enter. “Oh, that’s real nice to see you. Just relax there a bit. If you need help immediately we can see if Prime’s available.” TRAVIS: Well, if you wouldn’t mind, this is one of our compatriots. This is Yasha. New to your establishment. MATT: “Yasha. That’s a wonderful name. I can’t help you because I’m helping this person, but just hang tight a second. Pumat? He’ll be right with you.” ASHLEY: Isn’t he Pumat? MATT: You see two of them that look identical in the room. ASHLEY: Oh, you guys are twins? MATT: “Something like that. He’ll be right with you.” Turns around. LIAM: Just breathe it in. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: You hear a couple of heavy footfalls, what sounds like a toppling of some metallic pan that (clattering metal) like, “Ah, shi– hello!” The curtain opens and you see one of the Pumats, but with a set of goggles right above the head, an apron on with a bunch of different tools and various accoutrements stuffed into different pockets. “Hey, so I’m helping someone. Who needs help? TRAVIS: Oh, actually– ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS: This is our friend Yasha. She’s new to your establishment. ASHLEY: Hello. MATT: "Right. Now, you’ve been here before. You’re working with the other ones. All right. Morning. Morning to you. Hey, can I help you?” ASHLEY I just– I mean, do you have Chinese stars? Throwing stars? MATT: “I don’t understand what that is.” ASHLEY: They’re like pointy things that you throw and they’re metal. MATT: “Oh. Are you talking about a dagger or a dart or something like that?” ASHLEY: Darts, daggers– darts. MATT: “You can probably go to a blacksmith and get that made for you. I don’t really craft things here from their base components. We generally take them and I enchant them to a better degree. I make generally not-so-great things pretty great.” ASHLEY: Oh! LIAM: I gather we all hear this conversation, yeah? MATT: Yeah. And you’re catching that Pumat Prime is a little surlier than the other ones. He seems like he’s a little more down to business than the various versions of him out there. TALIESIN: We’re probably going to be dealing with some restless spirits actually, so if there’s anything to deal with some of these phantasmagorical creatures, will-o’-wisps, that sort of thing. MATT: “Ah, interesting. You’re going to be dealing with some of the spiritual realm, you say?” TALIESIN: Yeah, inevitably. MATT: “All right. Let’s see. Pretty sure I got maybe a vial or two of holy water if that’s what you’re looking for. That’s not usually my purview, but we keep a couple in stock just in case. Let me see what I can muster.” Goes ahead and rummages through in the back. You hear more metal and glass clanking and one box gets shifted off to the side. “Ah, dang nabbit.” TRAVIS: Yasha, do you have any healing potions? ASHLEY: I don’t. That’s actually– I wanted to get some. Let’s see. Just want to double check to see if I do. MATT: “All righty.” Comes out. “I’ve got two vials of holy water remaining. Those will run you about 25 gold pieces apiece if you want them.” TALIESIN: Perfect. That’s exactly what I was looking for was two vials of holy water. MATT: “Well, look at that. It’s like it was meant to be. Straight up destiny.” SAM: (laughs) TALIESIN: Probably need some healing potions or something? ASHLEY: Yeah. Do you have some healing potions? MATT: “Ah, well you see, funny thing with all of these adventurers, keep coming in and clearing me out. We got maybe two more, but you got to give us time to restock. You guys, your friends here have been mighty hungry.” ASHLEY: Well, they’re the Mighty Nein. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh my god, that head shake afterwards. MARISHA: Her initial regret. TRAVIS: The bail. MARISHA: Immediate nope. Nah. ASHLEY: How much are they? MATT: “Those will put you back about 50 gold pieces apiece since we have the friendly discount of repeated customers. Isn’t that right, one of– me’s? One of the Pumats goes, "That’s correct. They’ve been in here a few times.” He’s like, “All right. Great. Thank you for looking out there, buddy. All right. So–” TRAVIS: I’m really glad to hear that friendly discount’s getting even friendlier. That really nice cloak you have on the wall. MATT: “Yep?” TRAVIS: How much is that? MATT: “Oh, you’re referring to that protection cloak. Let’s see here.” (grunts) Takes it off the counter, checks it. “That’ll run you back about 800 gold pieces.” TRAVIS: I fell face first into some coin recently. I think I’ll take that. SAM: Whoa! MATT: “Well.” You watch the demeanor shift a little bit from like the “I’m busy.” Like “Well, happy to see a big spender coming on first thing in the morning.” You start seeing more of the connection with the other Pumats. LIAM: Ah, regular Percival de Rolo over here. MATT: “Well, might I have your name? I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure personally.” TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: “Fjord–?” SAM: Tough. MATT: “Fjord Tough. Pumat Sol Prime. And I believe this is now known as "Fjord’s Cloak.” ASHLEY: So does that mean that the– I’ve seen a deal somewhere with somebody, also threw in some healing spells when they bought a cloak? Is that a thing? MATT: “You’re looking for a discount for the healing potion?” ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: Make a persuasion check. ASHLEY: My charisma’s fucked. MATT: I know. But, hey, you never know. TRAVIS: I like it. LIAM: Yasha and Caleb in Napoleon Dynamite. ASHLEY: 14. MATT: 14? “You know what? I’m not going to lie. I’m kind of a fan of the no-nonsense kind of a lady. So, sure, I’ll throw in a ten gold discount on each of those healing potions. So that’s 80 gold for you for the two.” ASHLEY: I’ll take them. MATT: “All righty. Here you go.” ASHLEY: Thank you. MATT: “Okay.” LIAM: I’m sorry, I have a simple request. MATT: “That’s all right. Simple requests are always open. What do you need?” LIAM: About 100 gold worth of ink for transcribing arcane knowledge. MATT: “Yeah, more of that wizard stuff. I got that for you. I got two ink vials there. Those’ll last you for a little while. Get that going for you. Some parchment. 100 gold, friend. Thank you very much. Pleasure doing business with you.” LIAM: I have four gold to my name again. SAM: If you need a loan, I can– LIAM: Don’t worry about it. MARISHA: Being a wizard’s expensive, ja? LIAM: It is. It is. ASHLEY: Yeah, I have no money. TALIESIN: We’ll make some money. SAM: Were there any throwing weapons that you have, even if they’re enchanted? MATT: “Well, I do have one enchanted dagger, if you’re so interested.” SAM: Would she like that? LIAM: I don’t think she would, actually. SAM: She doesn’t like to throw daggers. She only likes to throw– LIAM: She might, but it doesn’t seem her bag. SAM: What does it do? MATT: “Well this one, when it’s thrown, if it misses, it comes right back to you.” SAM: It comes right back to you? MATT: “If it misses.” SAM: A dagger that comes back to you? MATT: “If you miss with it.” SAM: Caleb, did you hear that? LIAM: Sounds like bullshit to me. SAM: That’s incredible. MATT: “It’s pretty useful. I don’t know about incredible.” TRAVIS: If you miss with it. MATT: “Look, I’m just being straight with you. It’s a pretty useful thing on occasion.” LIAM: What about yourself? SAM: Oh, I’m fine. He’s already– they’re already making me something. LIAM: Yeah, but I’ve seen you throw a dagger or two in your time and you always have to walk out to the tree and pull it out or walk out to the gnoll and pull it out. This way it would come right back to you. Think about it. SAM: Throwing a dagger just seems so inelegant to me. I don’t know why. They’re meant to cut food and to eat food with. MATT: “I mean no offense to any of you here, but I got to get right back to work. Looks like one of my me’s is available to help you for the rest of this–” LIAM: I understand. If she changes her mind, we’ll let you know. MATT: “Yeah, no, well, let them know. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day. It’s a pleasure to see you again. You too.” ASHLEY: Nice to meet you. MATT: “Nice to meet you as well, big lady.” He takes his goggles down. “Have a good day.” He turns around and goes into the back chamber. It’s funny, him saying big lady, because he’s huge. He’s bigger than you are. He goes into the back and goes right back to work and you hear another foot hit the pan. “Ah, I need to– aw man.” LIAM: How high are the ceilings in this store? MATT: The ceiling’s probably about ten-foot. LIAM: I low how your voice went (low voice) to (imitating Matt) “The ceiling’s about–” Okay. Got it. MATT: “Hi. Sorry about that. I was helping a customer, but he’s left now. Not purchasing anything. So I’m happy to help you. What can I do for you?” TALIESIN: I think we’re pretty well taken care of at this point. TRAVIS: We got everything we need. MATT: “All righty. Well, have a wonderful day and come by whenever you like, big spender. I saw that.” SAM: Is my flask coming along all right? MATT: “Coming along fine. I think that’s part of what Pumat’s working on right now.” SAM: Add any sort of shiny finish to it or some extra flair or baubles to it, that would be fine. MATT: “I’ll see what we can do. Thank you.” SAM: Thank you. MATT: “Thank you.” SAM: All right. Thank you. MATT: All right. Thank you. TRAVIS: We leave. Unique, huh? ASHLEY: That’s a– I’ve never seen any– I thought they were related and then they all have the same name so I guess that’s another thing. TRAVIS: Yeah. You’re quite the word wizard with the haggling there. ASHLEY: Listen. I realize I’m not great with people. Just no need to point it out. TRAVIS: I was being honest. You actually got money off. ASHLEY: Oh. I forgot about that. Yes, I did. TRAVIS: Yeah, nice job. TALIESIN: I’ve never seen you blush before. LIAM: She is quite pale. It’s hard to tell. ASHLEY: Well, what do we need– TRAVIS: She doesn’t like the spotlight. LIAM: Attention’s a bitch, isn’t it? ASHLEY and LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Nein! ASHLEY: Nein. TALIESIN: We should probably go to the blacksmith at some point. MATT: Easily enough at the blacksmith, for the sake of brevity here. Yeah, you can pick up– LIAM: A thousand throwing stars. MARISHA: Yeah, for ten gold. Just ball bearings and throwing stars. MATT: For a single dart, which is the equivalent. We’ll say there are darts and there are, we’ll say throwing stars. Sure, why not? Because of the Archive’s nearby, there probably would be a use for them. They’re not often called for. It’s probably a surprise that somebody wanted to purchase them, but they have about 20, we’ll say, throwing stars, which act as darts, for five copper a piece. LIAM: I hand Yasha one of the ten gold that Beau gave me. This is Beau’s money, so I think she’d want you to purchase them. ASHLEY: Well, she gave you the money. LIAM: Yeah, but she doesn’t like me very much. ASHLEY: Well maybe that will make her like you more. LIAM: That’s doubtful. ASHLEY: Why do you think that? LIAM: Why do I think it’s doubtful she will like me? She has threatened me constantly. She is very aggressive. She’s very surly. She doesn’t smile a lot unless there is a spell cast on her. I’ve only seen her punch people in the face. TALIESIN: Has she punched you in the face yet? LIAM: Give her time. TALIESIN: I think she likes you. ASHLEY: The only reason I might disagree is because she did give you money. TALIESIN: I’ll take that money. It’ll be no problem. LIAM: I give one gold to Yasha and I hold on to the other nine. ALL: Nein. ASHLEY: What are you going to do with the rest of the money? LIAM: I’m going to give it back to her. TALIESIN: We can, to be fair, get all 20 of those throwing darts for one gold. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Okay. So the transaction completed, you have a bunch of these throwing stars. They’re metallic. They’re triangular in shape and bladed at the edges. Pretty light. ASHLEY: Can I test one out? MATT: Sure. Go ahead and roll a d20. TALIESIN: Yeah! ASHLEY: Nope. Seven. No, sorry. Nine. ALL: Nein! MATT: You throw it towards this post and it (whoosh). (whinnies) This horse all of a sudden bucks and kicks the side of the stable nearby and you hear the wood crack from the kick. All of the sudden you hear voices of the two stable hands trying to hold back this horse. So it’s 19 throwing stars. ASHLEY: Fuck, sorry. TALIESIN: It was worth it. ASHLEY: Admittedly, I’m not good at throwing things, but it looked really cool. TRAVIS: Did we bring Horris with us? MARISHA: No, I’m watching him. While you guys are doing this, I’m like: Check under your bed. Did you leave anything behind? Go pee. One last time, man. Come on, come on. LIAM: Too real for me, too real. TRAVIS: Camp counselor Beau. Incredible. MATT: Caleb, Molly, and Jester, actually, as you guys are walking back, you notice that there are now clusters of about three or four crownsguard at different places that are in the process of asking questions to people, going from place to place and inquiring. TALIESIN: I am going to turn around and immediately head towards the other bar. The Evening Nip. SAM: Jester’s not with us. MATT: Right, she’s not with you. You’re right. TALIESIN: I’m going to let you know. Tell them I’m hiding at the bar and I’ll meet them there when it’s time. LIAM: We see guards asking around? MATT: Yeah, like talking to people, asking questions. LIAM: Okay. I am just going to pull my cloak up and put the hood up. That’s all. MATT: Okay. You guys make your way back to The Leaky Tap. There, what little Horris had on him, a little bit of change and materials to leave, is ready to go. Beau and Jester are propped and ready as well, I assume? What do you guys do? SAM: Should we go on our mission or should we get rid of Horris? TRAVIS: Well, we’re dropping him off. LIAM: Well, Horris is part of the mission. TRAVIS: Yeah we’ll be dropping him off at The Evening Nip. LIAM: We should go. Let’s make hay while the sun shines. SAM: Drop off Horris and then go. Do we know where we’re going for this mission? TRAVIS: A mile out of town. MARISHA: The Evening Nip, and then they’re going to escort us out. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: We’ll be blinded. ASHLEY: Beau, Caleb got these for you. MARISHA: (gasps) Perfect! Thank you. ASHLEY: There were 20, but one of them fell out of the bag. LIAM: Yes, they were so heavy and I am so weak that I gave them to Yasha to carry. Here’s your change. MARISHA: Thank you. Why are you acting so weird about this? LIAM: I’m just weird in general. MARISHA: Thanks for the change. Thank you, Yasha. ASHLEY: One of them’s missing, but I think it fell out of the– SAM: It was an accident. There was nothing suspicious about it. ASHLEY: I think it fell out of the bag. TRAVIS: We should go. Okay. Horris, we’re going to try and get you out of here. MATT: “Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Whatever you need.” TRAVIS: What? LIAM: This is a Liam thing, not a Caleb thing. MATT: Yeah? LIAM: I’m just going to say, right now, where we are, Frumpkin, I’m telling him to follow us all, about 55 to 60 feet back behind us. MATT: Okay. Easy enough. All right. As you guys make your way towards The Evening Nip, Horris is looking a bit nervous, but does look around and seems genuinely very thankful. He’s like, “Seriously, this means a lot. To both me and Dolan. Thank you.” MARISHA: Yeah, you’re welcome. And then I put a bag over his head and I say sorry, sorry. TRAVIS: I think that can probably wait until we are at The Evening Nip. MARISHA: Well, he can’t see where we’re going, right? TRAVIS: Yeah, sure he can. We just don’t want crownsguard thinking we’re walking around a hooded person. MARISHA: I figured we’re– All right. MATT: Probably hold on that until we get– We’ll say, for the purposes of this, you’re pretty close to The Evening Nip when you do this. TRAVIS: Okay. We made it. Now’s the time. MARISHA: Okay, okay. Now over his head. LIAM: 6:00am, wake up! TRAVIS: We’re just pushing around a guy with a bag on his head. Hey! Nah, it’s cool. MATT: He’s had too much to drink? MARISHA: He’s going through a Jake Gyllenhaal phase. TRAVIS: (high pitched) His eyes are dilated. LIAM: Happy Halloween! MATT: You guys enter The Evening Nip. Clive is there at the end. “Hey. You’re a friend with a bag?” TRAVIS: We made arrangements with The Gentleman downstairs. MATT: “All right.” (grunts) He leads you to the back, shoves things off of the latch, pulls up the trapdoor, down the stairs, and you eventually make your way back into the tavern below, where Mollymauk is waiting nervously, drinking. LIAM: I don’t like the proximity here. Frumpkin’s gone, out there. Then once we’re in the speakeasy– sorry, I just ate a cracker. MATT: That’s okay. LIAM: Frumpkin’s under a table. MATT: Okay. Gotcha. All right. As you guys head back down, Horris is like, “I trust you guys. I trust you.” You make your way down. The room is not as busy as it was last you left. There’s maybe six individuals in there. Most of them are the individuals who were previously posted with rifles or new individuals also posted with rifles up at the top. There is The Gentleman, finishing a meal at the table with Sorah, his bodyguard, at the side. “Ah! I see you’ve made it.” He sets the things down, pushes the plate to the side. “So I take it this is your contraband?” SAM: Yes. MATT: “Very well. And you would wish this smuggling to head where? Our cleanest, to be fair, our cleanest means of smuggling out would be actually through the river after you pass through, as that leads us to the northern swamps of Berleben. And that would be probably one of the safest spaces still easily able to keep him out of sight and to a safe space out of the Crownsguard’s watch.” TRAVIS: Outstanding. We defer to your expertise. MATT: “Great. Then we’ll wait an hour after your passage forward and send your contraband on his way to safety with two individuals to escort him and lead him to civilization beyond the outskirts. Sound fair?” SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: Sounds fair. MATT: “Very well. Take care of him, please.” They pull the shoulders of Horris back and Horris is like, “All right. Be safe.” TRAVIS: It’s all right. Go with them. You’ll be fine. MATT: “And you know what? Kara and, we’ll say, Dweez. You go ahead and lead them down to the–” SAM: Dweez. MATT: “Lead them, blindfolded of course, through the underworks to docks and send them up the way to their agreed upon task.” You see Kara come back through one of the doors on the steps and behind, you see that creepy gnome from earlier sitting behind. MARISHA: Dweez. MATT: (creepy chuckling) Kara goes, “All right. Well,” and she pulls a few pieces of cloth. It looks like they’re used to moving individuals through, and they have already prepared blindfolds in place. She passes them out to you and instructs you all to put on a blindfold and take a hand. LIAM: As soon as the blindfold is on, I’m going to pass my sight and hearing over to Frumpkin. MARISHA: Nice! TALIESIN: That’s a good call. LIAM: If it works. MARISHA: I’ll hold on to Caleb to make sure he can still walk. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Thanks, blind woman. MARISHA: Well, they said all hold hands. LIAM: Okay. Yeah. (boof) MATT: Who’s at the very front and who’s at the very back of this chain? TRAVIS: I’ll stay at the front. MARISHA: Sorry. Doing the best I can. Sorry. LIAM: (whack) Sorry! MATT: Fjord front. MARISHA: Sorry! Had to get an opportunity in. MATT: Who’s in the back? TRAVIS: Wouldn’t mind having some muscle up front. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll be behind Grog– Fjord. TALIESIN: I’ll go behind Yasha. MATT: Okay, who’s after Mollymauk? TRAVIS: Jester? MATT: Jester, all right. Who’s after Jester? MARISHA: I’m with Caleb in the back. MATT: Okay. Nott? SAM: I’ll hold onto Caleb as well. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s a good order. MATT: So there, and we have Frumpkin trailing behind at the very back. So Fjord, at the very front, Kara takes your hand and begins pulling, and in the very, very back, Caleb, this tiny gnome hand grabs your hand and goes, “(heh heh) Hold on. (heh heh).” LIAM: This is okay. MATT: They loop you through the room a few times to discombobulate you, and direction in the chamber, and pull you through in different ways, to prevent you from orienting where you were and where you’re going. Eventually you’re led through a doorway, you hear some things shift, and then turned around a bit, and then led down a ladder. The ladder goes down for about 20 or so feet before your feet touch some sort of soft dirt, packed dirt-type feeling. The sound of the music and chatter vanishes up ahead and you hear, as soon as you all head down the ladder, a latch close and lock above you. LIAM: How did my cat do? MATT: Your cat managed to– actually, make a stealth check. MARISHA: Come on, kitty! Come on, Frumpkin! MATT: For Frumpkin. LIAM: Oh shit. TRAVIS: What? LIAM: Total shit. Five! MATT: Five? LIAM: Yes. MATT: As Frumpkin’s trying to trail behind, Dweez turns and goes, “(heh) No! (heh heh)” and puts a hand out and grabs Frumpkin by the scruff and holds Frumpkin up, and then throws Frumpkin back into the bar. LIAM: Okay. If I saw that, I would snap my fingers and make Frumpkin poof out. MATT: Okay. LIAM: I’m going to bite my tongue and bring Frumpkin back. MATT: Okay. Dweez is clutching the back of your hand and goes, (confused sound). LIAM: It’s just a nervous tic. I’m a nervous fellow. Sorry. MATT: (creepy laughter) TRAVIS: What the fuck?! (laughs) MATT: Okay. So you head back down. You are led down a tunnel. It weaves a bit. You turn to the right, down another tunnel for 100, 200, 300 feet. LIAM: (snaps fingers) Frumpkin back in. MATT: Frumpkin back in. LIAM: 50 feet behind. MATT: Right. You can see this a bit. These are tight, individual tunnels. It feels almost like a mine in the fact that it has occasionally a wood structure for support between it. A lot of it is packed with earth that’s been carved out. Eventually you’ll split off into two and you’ll see what looks to be a small resting chamber with another set of tables and a bunk. You go past another area and there’s occasional torchlight set up on parts of the wall. You can see a couple of shifty individuals that are in the process of stacking crates somewhere. LIAM: There’s other people down here doing shit as we walk by. MATT: Yeah. They’ll walk by you and occasionally look. One of them will stop and inspect and move on. No one seems to fuck with you at the minute because you’re with Kara. In fact, one of them seems to get close to you and looks and sees Dweez and goes (ugh) and just moves on. You do hear a noise, a strange like (guttural animal snorting) and you hear (whip crack) (animal grunting) echoing down the hall. You move around one spot and there’s one archway that Frumpkin passes by, looking down, and you can see there’s a pit, and there are a number of cages set up in there, about four of them, that have different creatures inside. It’s too low-lit for Frumpkin to really see from this distance what’s in there, but one of them is currently having a bit of a conniption fit and you see three cloaked figures that are on the outside. One of them is trying to whip elements of it that are coming at it; the other one is trying to prod it in the sides and it’s getting agitated. LIAM: (as Jester) Jester has a question. She would like to know what it smells like in here. MATT: At this point, it smells like wet dirt and earth. That’s about it. It smells like a dank subterranean tunnel. As you pass by the creature smell, you can smell hints of dung, fresh and old, and some sort of pheromone, like a very strong pheromone that’s very unpleasant, the scent. Continuing on, you move through another tunnel. Another figure walks by and stops as you pass and watches you as you continue. Down another set of stairs, and then eventually, the echo begins to get a little louder. Your feet hit wood. Frumpkin can see this as you pass in. You’ve hit a dock. This is now a natural cavern. The moisture catches you first. What was initially a somewhat cavernous damp has now become very moist and you can hear the slight sound of a river moving through. Frumpkin can see this, too. There’s an entire underground river that is now curving past this entrance way, leading in two different directions. Along this river, you can see there are a few lanterns that are set up with this soft, greenish glow. They’re perpetually burning in certain areas and are bolted into the rock and stone. There on the side of this dock, you can see four different boats that are currently roped and tied to the edge there. There is a figure sitting on a stool who is taking a dagger and moving it on the edge of one of the wooden poles that is on the very outside end of the dock. At this point, all of your blindfolds are removed and you’ve come to the end of this part of the journey. SAM: Oh. MATT: Kara says, “Sorry about that, but you were respectful. Thank you.” She collects the blindfolds, and Dweez, who is still clutching your hand, lets go and goes (creepy chuckle). SAM: Ugh. MATT: Kara goes, “All right. Two of these ships are yours to use. You’re heading up that path there about a mile or so. It’s with the river, thankfully, so the stream will be carrying you through. A set of paddles to each of you. Whoever wants to helm that; that’s up to you. Pay attention: from what I’ve been told, you’ll see the change in the texture of the wall on the left-hand side traveling northward. Look for the small collapse on that end.” TRAVIS: Collapse in the wall. MATT: “Correct. Be spry. Sometimes some creatures do find their way living down here, so be ready to move past quickly or find a way to duck them if you can.” TRAVIS: We can take it from here. MATT: “All right. Good luck!” SAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: You’ll be able to find your way back, right? MATT: “We’ll be fine.” TRAVIS: I’m not good at joking. MATT: The guy at the edge of the docks sits up and Kara goes, “The back two for these folks. Let them go. Gentleman’s orders.” He doesn’t say anything, just sits up. You see the hood that’s up, he pulls it back a bit and you can see there is this older, grizzled human with very short gray hair, deep scar across the back of his head that curves off to the top of where his receding hairline is. It’s just been very deep-set where the skin dimples heavily along the edge of the scar. He’s got this very scruffy gray and white beard. His head’s a bit sunk into his shoulders. He walks over to the edge and unties each of the boats and hands the rope to one of you. The first one goes to Fjord, and the other one just goes to Beau, goes back to his station and sits down, sticks his blade in the side of the wood and keeps wedging it in there. You get a better look up there and you can see this wood is splintered to shit on the top. This guy has been, over time, slowly pushing away at this wood for whatever amusement he needs to pass the time down here where he’s stationed. TRAVIS: These boats look like they’ll fit three to four each? MATT: These boats look like they’ll fit about four people each. TRAVIS: Okay. All right. Two boats. Jester’s in mine. Yasha, you should go in the second boat. We’re going to need muscle in case we need to move fast. ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM: I get in with Nott. In the Yasha boat. SAM: Who’s piloting our boat? MARISHA: Yasha’s one, and then Jester’s the other. SAM: She’s piloting– do you know how to drive a boat? ASHLEY: Well, we’ll find out. SAM: (scared noise) ASHLEY: Yes, I do. SAM: Oh, okay. You’re so needlessly scaring me for no reason! MATT: So we have Fjord, Jester, Molly, and Beau in one boat? And Yasha and Caleb and Nott in the other? Is that how it is? MARISHA: Sure. LIAM: And I send away Frumpkin. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to place on my ring of water walking that I stole from Jester. TRAVIS: Is this a boat with like, two oars? MATT: Two oars on each side, yeah. TRAVIS: All right. MATT: You guys all get in. It rocks a bit as you all adjust your weight and find a place where the boat itself isn’t listing too far to one side or the other. The river current is pulling it along, so as soon as you step off, the last person holding the rope, they immediately start following the current of the river, which is not rapid, but it is moving at a fair speed. You all gather yourselves and follow it down, and as you progress, you notice those green lanterns that are lit only seem to cover the vicinity of that dock until, eventually, you are going into a pitch black cavern. LIAM: On our own? MATT: Hmm? LIAM: We are all on our own here right? MATT: You’re all alone. TRAVIS: Caleb? LIAM: Ja? TRAVIS: You want to do your–? Read my mind. LIAM: (poof poof) MARISHA: I bring out and put on the goggles. LIAM: I let two of the globules hover around the front of each boat. One at the front and one at the back of each boat. MATT: All right, so as the orbs– MARISHA: So romantic, you guys! LIAM and MATT: (singing) There you see her! MATT and MARISHA: (singing) There across the way! TRAVIS: (singing) Yah, yah, yah! LIAM: (singing) She’s got a giant sword, but who cares? You’ve got to ask her! MARISHA: (singing) Yah, yah, yah! TALIESIN: Hey, Beau. I pull out one of the holy water flasks. Think you know what to do with this? MARISHA: I think I do! TALIESIN: Just in case. MARISHA: I put it away. TALIESIN: Who do you think the other one should go to? MARISHA: Anyone who can beat face, but doesn’t have magic. Yasha, maybe? Nott? TALIESIN: Maybe Nott might be safer. SAM: What do I do with it? TALIESIN: You’re not in a boat with us. SAM: (shouting) What do I do with it!? MARISHA: You dip your ammunition in it. TALIESIN: This one you throw? MATT: This one you throw. MARISHA: Oh, this one is a throwing one? MATT: This isn’t an oil, this is water. MARISHA: Oh, never mind! TALIESIN: Know how to throw stuff? SAM: No, I’ve never thrown anything in my life. TALIESIN: If there was a basket for trash and you threw it– SAM: As he’s talking, I throw a gold coin at his head. MATT: Okay, roll a d20 and add your dexterity modifier. TALIESIN: Wow, that’s exciting! SAM: That’s a d20, I mean, that’s a natural 20. TALIESIN: That doesn’t count! That’s cocked! LIAM: Sure it counts! It counts doubly as much! SAM: Do you want me to redo? LIAM: No! MATT: What are you doing? SAM: Redo. Way less! TALIESIN: Way less! SAM: Dexterity what? MATT: Add your dexterity modifier. SAM: Ten. MATT: It goes right past; you hear it (splash) into the water below. TALIESIN: I’ll take that. So when we get into the boat together, I’m going to give you the other holy water flask. LIAM: (as Jester) “How big is the chamber we are traveling in?” MATT: The chamber seems to shift at times. Sometimes it squeezes in where it’s just the river and the edges of the tunnel at about 15 feet from side to side. LIAM: (as Jester) “With my darkvision, how high is the ceiling in here?” MATT: The ceiling is roughly 15 feet as well. 15 to ten feet; sometimes it coasts down and becomes a bit lower. It is a natural river so– LIAM: (as Jester) “I grab the edge of the boat, and I say: Oskar! Is there no echo?” MATT: (echoing) Oskar! LIAM: (as Jester) “That was pretty good!” MATT: As you guys head deeper into the subterranean tunnels towards your destination, weapons at your side, prepared for whatever comes in the near future– LIAM: God damn, he’s going to end the game! ALL: No! MATT: We’re going to go ahead and end tonight’s game. LIAM: Damn it! MATT: We don’t have Laura here. We’ve had two episodes that went four plus hours. My back’s hurting a little. LIAM: Four more hours! Mimosas! TRAVIS: The people marathoning right now will be grateful to hear that. LIAM: Come on! TALIESIN: And you have a holy water now. LIAM: It’s like playing a video game for 30 minutes. It’s so unsatisfying! MATT: We’ve been here for three hours! TRAVIS: I know it’s coming. I know stuff is coming. MATT: So yeah, before we get too deep into this, we’ll go ahead and pick up next week when Laura can join us. MARISHA: Feel better, Laura! TALIESIN: Please feel better. MATT: We’ll pick up from there. Once again guys, thank you so much for tuning in. Check out the awesomeness of 826LA and the stuff we are doing with them. Check out Pillars of Eternity 2 and the really cool stuff that we are doing with them! And yeah, we’ll be back into this next week. Until then guys, have a wonderful week, we love you, and is it Thursday yet? TRAVIS: No! Nein! [music] MATT: Hello everyone and welcome tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. (cheering) MATT: We thankfully, and happily, have Laura back this week going on. LAURA: No more of you doing my voice, Matt? MATT: That wasn’t going to happen ever again. The internet has spoken, nobody wants that. MARISHA: I love the shade she threw you in her spare time. MATT: Oh yeah, plenty of shade! LIAM: That’s not the Laura I know. LAURA: What? No! LIAM: We have the whole gang here. MATT: We do. I love it. Before we jump into the actual story of tonight’s game, we have some quick announcements to get through. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors tonight. First up, we have for this evening, Archer: Danger Island. As a long-time fan of Archer, I’m excited that today’s episode is brought to you by Archer: Danger Island. That is the new season that premiers on FX Wednesday, April 25th at 10:00pm, so next week, check it out. It’ll start there. Season nine centers on the semi-functioning alcohol seaplane pilot, Sterling Archer, as we know, a lush on a lush South Pacific island of Mitimotu in 1939. While the rest of the world is concerned about the impending Second World War, Archer is only concerned with who is buying his next drink. Along with his trusty copilot, Pam, one of my favorite characters, Sterling must navigate quicksand, cannibals, super-intelligent monkeys, poison darts, and pirates. That’s right, folks. Somehow they jumped the shark into even better shark-infested waters. TRAVIS: We can get H. Jon Benjamin on this show, right? MATT: I’m all about it. I would love that. I love him so much. He’s so great. TALIESIN: Sometimes when you jump the shark, there’s just more sharks there. MATT: That’s great. There’s just a bunch of sharks. Stay turnt for the break. Catch a special video that Nerdist created in partnership with FX, creating our dream Archer: Danger Island board game at LDN to celebrate the new season. So check that out at the break. Our second sponsor and returning sponsor, our fantastic friends, eternally with this campaign, D&D Beyond. ALL: D&D Beyond! SAM: Yes! (stuttering) TRAVIS: False start, Redskins! SAM: D&D Beyond is raising money for our greatest, favorite charity, 826LA. They’re doing a big push now to raise money for this great organization that promotes literacy for young people everywhere and as part of the 826LA charity initiative, now that we’re way past our $10,000 tier, D&D Beyond has offered up the discount code “826LA” to get 25% off the Legendary Bundle. The Legendary Bundle includes all the digital materials available at D&D Beyond, so check it out now and as part of what they announced last week, D&D Beyond is contributing $100 to 826LA for every natural one we roll and to honor that– TRAVIS: Oh god. Oh no. MARISHA: What is that?! SAM: I’ve written a folk song. MARISHA: I didn’t know you played. LIAM: Three episodes from now, he’s going to bring in a gospel band. SAM: I don’t play. MATT: This Cold War escalation is going to kill us all. SAM: I need participation for this one, guys. ASHLEY: You got it. SAM: When I call for it, you have to say the number one. This is all in honor of us rolling ones, right? (singing) ♪ We’re– ♪ la la, hmm! (laughing) ♪ We’re rolling ones, rolling them every night. We’re rolling ones, ♪ rolling them every fight. How many times has Ashley been back? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: ♪ How many times has Caleb had a bath? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: ♪ How many testicles does Sam have? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: ♪ How many chords are there in this song? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: Two. ♪ What’s the past tense of win? ♪ ALL: Won! SAM: ♪ What’s Obi Kenobi’s middle name? ♪ ALL: Wan! SAM: ♪ What’s a synonym for pasty and pale? ♪ LIAM: Wan! SAM: Thank you, Liam. ♪ What will the Washington football team do when they face the Cowboys? ♪ TRAVIS: (yelling) Lose! Lose! SAM: ♪ Ones, rolling them every night. ♪ That’s it. (cheering and laughing) TRAVIS: Delete that shit! MATT: Thank you, Sam! Thank you, D&D Beyond. Thank you, our friends at FX and Archer. Running off that, too, to go off to 826 initiative that we’re doing right now for this very special fundraising campaign. Many thanks to one of our fantastic Critters, Mark K., who’s offered to match every single dollar that you donate, up to $40,000. Many other companies are offering to match donations as well, so as much as you can do, it’s going to expand progressively, so thank you for everything there. If you want to check it out, we’ve unlocked a bunch of tiers and we have a few more to unlock as well. Go to 826la.org/criticalrole, you see where we are and how you can help with their fantastic organization. Once again, reminder, Twitch Prime! If you have Amazon Prime, you can connect your Twitch account and get, once a month, free. Go ahead and give your patronage to a Twitch channel of your choice. That’s the word I was looking for. TRAVIS: It’s every month, right? You can’t toggle it, so it’s something that keeps happening? MARISHA: No, you have to do it every month, It’s really obnoxious. LAURA: But it’s free! MARISHA: It’s free! Everyone asks if it supports us, we get a lesser cut or more cut, it supports us the exact same way. MATT: Yeah. Off that note, we have new Twitch emotes available for those who are subscribed to the channel. Based on the various tiers, there are plenty of new emotes with the Mighty Nein related, as well as the nine itself on the dice. Look for that in the subscription tiers. Critical Recap, of course, is up if you need a refresher for campaign two, our fantastic Dani Carr does refreshers every episode. They come out the Thursdays before the episode. I’m sure if you were here earlier, you saw this week’s refresher of last week’s episode. If you need to get caught up or get your friends caught up quickly to watch live, that’s how you do so, so look for it on YouTube under Critical Recap. Not right now. Talks Machina, of course, every Tuesday evening, our fantastic Brian W. Foster will be hosting. Next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific regarding tonight’s episode, so check that out. We will have a few cast members there to discuss the events that shall unfold before you later this evening. He also smells like cabbage. The podcast of episode 14 from last week is available for download for all fine podcast users out there. If you’re listening to the audio versions of it and you haven’t seen the last episode and you’re waiting for the podcast, well, you can listen to both and watch tonight. It would be really confusing, but you can. That’s an option now, so congratulations. I think that’s– Oh, the comic book that just came out. Issue six, which is fantastic. The final issue of our six episode arc of Vox Machina: Origins is available. Check it out if you haven’t yet, especially if you were waiting for them all to come out, now you can do that, and we’ll have news soon about an actual hard release you can hold in your hands. That’s exciting. LIAM: The glory of Grog in that issue. TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: Glory be to Grog. MATT: Don’t forget Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire comes out very soon, in just a few weeks. For those who haven’t played the first Pillars of Eternity, you don’t have to. The sequel gets you pretty up to speed if you haven’t played, but if you have, you can carry over your save from the previous one. I recommend you play it if you have the time. This one is amazing-looking. They partnered with us, all of us get to voice cast members of the new game and there’s free DLC where you get to download portraits and voice sets of Vox Machina from Critical Role to use in the game. LIAM: They have just teased the first Critical Role Vox Machina portrait of Pickle. MATT: That’s right. Pike’s portrait was unveiled. SAM: The full portrait? Not the pixelated one? LIAM: Everyone else is pixelated, but Pickle has been revealed. TRAVIS: Yeah! ASHLEY: I didn’t know that. MATT: If you want to preorder it, you can preorder it at versusevil.com/criticalrole, and that’s also where you can see the portrait. Super excited for that. I think with that, folks, our announcements are done. LAURA: Wait, I’m coughing tonight a lot, so if I do, everybody just stop and stare at me. So if I get up and leave, that’s what happened. I don’t want to have a coughing fit on screen. TRAVIS: Or you pooped your pants. LAURA: Or I pooped my pants. LIAM: You’re allowed to do any of those things. MATT: Awesome. Thank you for the update, Laura. LAURA: Yeah, sorry, I just wanted to put that out there. MATT: No, it’s good. With that, guys, let’s go ahead and get started with tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And welcome back, everyone. That was pretty weak. TRAVIS: I know. I’m sorry. MATT: Last time we left off, The Mighty Nein had gone towards The Evening Nip, where they had finally crawled into the subterranean, hidden, basement/tavern where The Gentleman does his business. You had encountered Yasha who joined back up with the party. You had a brief discussion with this Gentleman, which led to a bit of card-sharkery from Fjord’s end, a fair played game, made quite a bit of money and earned his favor. There you discussed what was to be done with this new arrangement. He took some blood as it was required of him to make sure that he could ensure– LAURA: Wait, what?! MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Just kidding, I was watching. MATT: You were watching. You guys said that you were possibly looking for furthering some sort of relationship for business purposes, but for now you had an individual who needed to be smuggled out. He said it would be fine, but one favor requires one in return and to prove yourself both capable and he had heard some tales of which you had done within Zadash. He requested that you go and inspect this newly discovered buried ruin, this series of chambers that exists on the outskirts of their underground river escape towards Berleben and the Ounterloch. You went ahead and retrieved Horris, brought him back. He was then, supposedly it seems to be so, sent off and escorted out of the city, safely– LAURA: (quietly) They killed him. MATT: They totally killed him. They probably killed him. SAM: But these criminals promised us! MATT: (laughs) You found yourself down towards the subterranean docks to this river. By the way, through all of this Molly was having a mild panic attack about his story, encountering Cree and apparently being called the name Lucien and Nonagon. LAURA: Nonagon. MATT: Upon making your way to the docks, you were given two boats and utilizing them to move further downstream towards where the exterior of this ruin was discovered. You all gathered your supplies and by the glowing orbs of Caleb’s Dancing Lights ahead of you, we left off with you traversing deeper and deeper down the dark tunnel and river. SAM: Do we remember which boat we were on? LAURA: I remember that Fjord asked me to be in his boat. TRAVIS: Don’t read into it. ASHLEY: I was with Caleb and Nott. MATT: Usually I do this just before the game and I totally forgot to. SAM: That’s okay! We can just do it now while people are watching you. MATT: That’s what I’m here for. That’s okay. LIAM: It’s like a real game! TRAVIS: Yeah, the boats were– LIAM: Yasha, Caleb, Nott? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: And Beau, Jester, Fjord. SAM: Great! Done. LAURA: Nonagon! (singing) Na na na-na. TALIESIN: It’s going to be in there, isn’t it? MATT: So Yasha, Caleb, Nott, and the other ship was Fjord, Jester, Beau, and Molly? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Everybody have their stuff together? TRAVIS: Oh, gosh. Our ship is way better than you guys’. LAURA: Our ship is so colorful. LIAM: Dinghy battle! MARISHA: (laughs) Whack! MATT: Heading down the tunnel, the two boats, the width of it is just enough to fit both of you and occasionally you have to pick one or the other as it begins to pinch a bit and then expand. I will say due to weight, unless somebody wants to actively paddle, the boat with Caleb, Yasha, and Nott will probably be taking the lead in those moments. SAM: Yeah! LAURA: Although, I think probably, Fjord, I should be the one paddling the boat because I’m a bit stronger than you. TRAVIS: Well, that’s why you’re on the boat. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, did you think it was for another reason? LAURA: No, I just– no! LIAM: Yeah, Yasha, are you paddling? ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah, so we would be at the front of the boat going– TALIESIN: The back of the boat would actually be up a bit. TRAVIS: Bow up! MATT: Each couple of splashing sounds that hit as the oars hit the water and the occasional crack of the water against the brook or a rock in the center, you being to maneuver your way through this dark tunnel with just the low light that you’ve been applying. It gets colder and colder the further down the tunnel you go and while it is moist, you begin to see your breath just in general this low in the ground. LIAM: Terrible. SAM: Jesus, Laura. TRAVIS: Literally 12. LAURA: I’m glad I’m back. MATT: We are too, Laura. We are, too. It would take about a mile journey to get to where they said this would be, so you have a few minutes. Is there anything you guys wish to do, prepare? LAURA: Oh gosh! SAM: Prepare? Oh. TALIESIN: You’ve got your holy oil, right? SAM: Me? LAURA: Are we going to fight undead things? What is going on? MATT: You have time, you’re traveling! SAM: I forgot. Did you give me holy oil? TALIESIN: I believe or was it– MARISHA: You gave me holy oil and you holy oil. MATT: Holy water, not holy oil. SAM: I have it, apparently. Well, what am I supposed to do with it? TALIESIN: You throw it at something that looks evil. It’s pretty simple. SAM: Should I dip my bolts into it? TALIESIN: It doesn’t work that way, sadly. It’s not– MARISHA: It’s a like a splash grenade. TALIESIN: Water balloon with glass. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: How’s the light in here, by the way? MATT: The only light you have is the light from Caleb’s Dancing Lights which he’s re-upping as soon as it completes its one minute cycle each time. TRAVIS: Okay. LAURA: This is just like that scene in Tusk Love. SAM: Which scene? LAURA: The scene where the ship is sinking and Oskar and Genevieve have to paddle to shore! MARISHA: It was Guinevere. LAURA: Guinevere! That’s was it was. I remember Oskar a little more. Only Oskar was paddling in that one. LIAM: It is sad when ships sink. LAURA: It is. MARISHA: Where do you– why? LIAM: I don’t know. (laughter) MATT: So you guys continue– LIAM: (Pigeon cooing) MATT: –continue down the river for a short time. The river splits up for a bit and actually divides into two tunnels. SAM: Where are we going? LAURA: Should one of us go in one and one of us go in the other? LIAM: That seems not like a good idea. SAM: I know something about sailing! The right one is the bow and the left one is the stern. LAURA: Should we go in the bow or the stern? TRAVIS: Is there water running to the left or the right? Does it look like it picks up current on either side? MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage because of the low light. TRAVIS: Oh, that’s a fucking two. That’s four. Yeah. MATT: Hard to tell at this distance and it’s coming up quickly. LAURA: Can we feel more wind coming from either side? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM and LAURA: Wind. TRAVIS: Water! MARISHA: Heart! LAURA: 21! MATT: 21? It does not appear that the wind is picking up one way or the other, but it’s approaching very quickly. TALIESIN: Is the general feeling of supernatural unease coming from either of the– or any signs of–? I know that we’re going to be facing probably some will-o’-wisps or something like that. LAURA: You should row backwards too, Yasha. MATT: I mean, the general sense of ominous dark, future tunnel, but there’s nothing supernatural about the darkness ahead of you. TRAVIS: Anyone have a preference? TALIESIN: Any sound coming from either of them? MARISHA: Do I notice any textures on any walls? They talked about the north side of the wall being more textured and having a pattern. MATT: That being what gave them the idea that that’s where this is. That’s where the entrance to this– TRAVIS: We’re heading east right? MATT: You guys are heading east, yeah, a northeast path. SAM: Well, we’re in the lead boat and Yasha’s paddling, so Yasha, it’s up to you! ASHLEY: I’m rowing back. LAURA: I think left. MARISHA: Try the north side. ASHLEY: I go right. No, I’m just kidding! I’ll go to the left. MATT: So as you’re paddling backwards, Yasha adjusts the oar and changes the trajectory of the boat and heads it toward the left path. Do you follow suit? LAURA: Should I follow them? TRAVIS: Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Good oar work! TRAVIS: It’s like a steering wheel! LIAM: Nice, Carrot Top, nice. MARISHA: We’re on a jet ski; this is great! MATT: Most spastic rowing partner ever. Heading down the water path does pick up a little speed and seems to dip suddenly before picking up with a mild splash but you catch yourself. MARISHA: (whispers) We’re on Pirates of the Caribbean! MATT: It slows down a little bit and you start seeing a few rocks that break the surface and you have to maneuver around them. One you push off with the oar to make sure that your boat doesn’t strike it. You’re not going fast enough to where it would damage the actual boat, but it could list and get stuck on it if you were to not be careful. You push off, thankfully because you both have light sources here. LIAM: Yasha, can you use your oar to see how deep we are? Does it touch bottom? MATT: Okay, it gets just to the very edge of the oar before it touches bottom. SAM: How long are the oars? MATT: The oars are about five feet long. LAURA: So you’d be fucked. SAM: Thanks. TRAVIS: Can you swim? Can you swim, Nott? SAM: No! What?! ASHLEY: Well, you could get on my shoulders if you– SAM: I’m not going to get in the water, don’t worry! MARISHA: Have you been practicing any of the techniques that we tried out? SAM: Yeah, I’ve been practicing one technique! It’s called wearing this ring of water walking! (laughter) MARISHA: Sure, that’s good! SAM: Tried and true! LIAM: Unfucked! TALIESIN: You could literally be walking along side of the boat. SAM: Oh, that’s a good idea! Can I ghost ride the whip? LIAM: Excuse me, you could be stealthing ahead at this moment. SAM: Oh! I’m going to gingerly– TRAVIS: Oh my god, please. SAM: Just ghost ride. TRAVIS: Barefoot ski. SAM: Barefoot it onto the water and see what happens. MATT: On the water? Okay. As you reach over the edge of the boat and slowly lower your tiny goblin feet across the surface, breaking the water (water splashing). (cheering) MATT: Go ahead and make a general dexterity check for me, please. SAM: Ooh, not good, but it’s dexterity, so six? MATT: Okay. SAM: This is fun! Hand me a rope, I’ll water ski! MATT: As you’re so entranced by this, you glance down just in time to see one of those stones that’s protruding from the river seems to have come out of nowhere. Before you have a minute to punch off, it hits you across the knee and bruises the heck out of it. Your whole leg starts throbbing and you’re like, “Ah!” So your skiing is now (crashing splashes) underneath. SAM: All right, I’ll try to pull myself back up? MATT: All right, it takes you a moment and Caleb, you go and help get Nott up onto the boat, but as you do, a little water logged, the water splashed over your face a bit. SAM: Jesus, that’s an intense water ski. MATT: Because at that moment the lights go out. As soon as you pull Nott up into the ship, there’s a brief moment where Nott breathes and looks back up with a smile about to say thank you before you see, out of the corner of your eye, one of the stalagmites at the top of the ceiling detach, float down and open up, almost like an umbrella before it lands and collapses on top of Nott. LAURA: (gasps) It’s just like the rug! SAM: Ah! What happened? What’s going on? MATT: With advantage because it was with a surprise attack on that one, so that would be a 19 to hit. What’s your armor class? SAM: Of course that hits. Yes. MATT: All right, Nott. That is five points of bludgeoning damage and it is attached to you. You now see a pitch black and gray spined octopus-type creature, that looks from the exterior like any other part of the cavern wall, but has these deep sunk red eyes at the top of its base and it’s completely wrapped around the top of Nott, and is currently crushing down on top of her. I need you all to roll initiative. LIAM: In the boat? LAURA: Oh my god! LIAM: I had these miniatures. I forget what they’re called. ASHLEY: Oh, that’s terrible! LIAM: I dropped my Colville meteorite! SAM: We’re already in it? We just started! TRAVIS: That’s the best! MARISHA: Oh, that’s cool! LIAM: Oh! I got a 20! MATT: It doesn’t count if it’s on the floor, dude. TRAVIS: There are limits! MATT: There are! LIAM: Oh, I got a one! SAM: Wait, we’re rolling ones! That’s $100! (cheering) LAURA: I rolled a one, too! (cheering) ASHLEY: That’s $300? SAM: Two. ASHLEY: Wait, did you roll a one? SAM: No. ASHLEY: Oh, okay, sorry. I got excited. LIAM: The 20 would have been nice though. ASHLEY and TRAVIS: What is math? MATT: Molly, roughly where are you on this board? TALIESIN: I would assume I’m in the middle. MATT: All right. Fjord and Beau in that order? TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s good. LIAM: That’s so cool! ASHLEY: This is awesome! LAURA: Oh, cool. I like the cat just like blah. MATT: You now see this entity has fallen and latched on to Nott. So in that degree. SAM: Jesus. TRAVIS: Uh oh. MATT: All right, 25 to 20? TRAVIS: Nobody. MATT: 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 15. SAM: Wow. That’s it? We suck. MARISHA: We did bad. LAURA: We rolled real bad. MATT: 15 to ten. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Hold on, 15 to ten. SAM: Ten. Whoa. What? You guys are all single digits? Oh boy! ASHLEY: I always roll shit initiative. SAM: You do. You really do. ASHLEY: I don’t know what– MATT: Historically. ASHLEY: Yes. MATT: All right. Ten to five. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Beau at nine. TALIESIN: Seven. LAURA: Five. MATT: Wow! Molly, Jester. That’s everybody, right? ASHLEY: Four. I rolled four. MATT: And four. LIAM: Und Ein. LAURA: You don’t have any initiative? LIAM: Oh, do I? Oh sure, two. LAURA: Okay, so you rolled a three. Good job. LIAM: No, no. Plus one, so now it’s two. ASHLEY: What’s a two in German? LIAM, TALIESIN, and LAURA: Zwei. SAM, TALIESIN, LAURA: Eins, zwei, drei. SAM: That’s it. That’s all the numbers in German. MATT: Caleb, you’re holding up the rear? LIAM: Ja. Of course. TRAVIS: Oh god, I’m first? MATT: First and foremost, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Yeah, right, okay. MATT: It has completely attached itself, and the end of its tendrils coming to these pointed hook protrusions, this thick flesh webbing between each of these tentacles that form the umbrella-type shape, have all engulfed most of Nott, and you hear the muffled (muffled yelling) from within, and the little bit of the feet trying desperately to hold onto the boat and maintain balance. TRAVIS: Jesus. Do I have a clear line of sight to Nott and octopus fuck? MATT: You do. TRAVIS: Okay. I won’t hit Caleb, right? MATT: Probably not. You know what you’re doing. LAURA: It looks like no, I’m seeing your angle. LIAM: I’m pretty sturdy though, so I wouldn’t sweat it. TRAVIS: As I’m looking, is it Nott and then octopus behind it, or is it enveloping him so I can’t– MATT: No, it’s enveloped, and is currently wrapped around. TRAVIS: All right. I’m going to send an Eldritch Blast towards the octopus. SAM, ASHLEY, and TALIESIN: (muffled yelling) SAM: Not again! LAURA: Oh, my glasses are in my car, shit. TRAVIS: That’s a 21 to hit. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That is 1d10. That is eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage, nice. Does that end your turn? TRAVIS: Yes. SAM: Do I take any of that? MATT: No, you do not. SAM: Oh! TALIESIN: That’s nice. TRAVIS: Actually, with my bonus action, can I cast Hex on umbrella fuck? MATT: You cannot, unfortunately, because– Well, no, because Eldritch Blast is a cantrip, so you can. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Yes you can. TRAVIS: Woo! That’s 1d– MATT: Well, you would have had to have done that first. TRAVIS: That’s right. That’s on the next thing, right. MATT: Correct. But next time it gets hit by you, you can add extra damage. TRAVIS: Copy that. MATT: Okay. That finishes your go. LAURA: Oh, it’s like Hunter’s Mark. MATT: Now it’s their turn. Being attached to there, the strange darkmantle-like beast– TRAVIS: Can it have disadvantage on strength checks? MATT: It can, sure. TRAVIS: I never said that before. I got to remember. MATT: Yep. There you go. strength checks it is. All right. MARISHA: It’s okay. It’s not that big a deal. MATT: You watch as it begins to slowly crush around Nott, instead its eyes flash red, and you watch as a familiar-looking orb of blackness emanates from it, completely filling this space with darkness. So at the moment, everyone on that boat is blind. ASHLEY: Wait, I don’t think I can– since I have danger sense, can I be blinded? MATT: You can be blinded, but you have advantage on dexterity saving throws against things that you see. ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM: But do you see it? MARISHA: So it did like an ink cloud. MATT: Essentially, but a magical darkness that radiates outside of it. Another one going towards the source of the beam of light that had emitted and damaged its ally sweeps down towards Fjord and attempts to go ahead and wrap around. TRAVIS: Shit! MATT: That is going to be 21 to hit. TRAVIS: That definitely hit. MATT: You take five points of bludgeoning damage as well– LAURA: Wait, another one came down on Fjord? MATT: And attaches itself to Fjord, yeah. LAURA: Oh, no. TRAVIS: (muffled yelling) LAURA: It’s going to make us blind too, we got to kill it quick. MATT: That brings us to Nott, you’re up. SAM: Can I try to get out of the grapple? Is that a thing that I can do? MATT: You can attempt to. You have to make a strength check to do so. SAM: All right. I will push with all my little might against the creepy– Ooh! Just a strength check? MATT: Yes, a strength check. SAM: 18! MATT: Yeah, that’ll do it. So you manage to break free from its grasp. SAM: (yell) That’s my action. MATT: Yep. SAM: I can’t see it. MATT: Nope, it is just darkness. You push it off of you, and you still have nothing before you. You didn’t see the darkness emit from it, you’ve just thrown it off and you’re still blind. It’s a little off putting to you at the moment. SAM: Okay, I’ll spend the rest of my turn trying to figure out if that was caused by just touching the water. Because I’m not sure what happened. MATT: Okay, you throw the creature off, whatever is on you, and it’s just darkness around you. You start reaching out for some sort of sign of something in your vicinity. SAM: Sure. MATT: Are you holding an action? SAM: I used my action to– MATT: No, that’s right. That’s your turn. That brings us to Beau. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to go (mild screaming) and do a straight whack on it. Sorry Fjord, it’s on you! Ooh, that’s a natural 19. 25. MATT: 25 hits, roll damage. SAM: We’ll remember where they are. It’s fine, just leave them. MARISHA: What is it? 1d– that’s not great, six damage. MATT: Six point of damage to that one, all right. It’s glomped onto Fjord’s head, the rest of it pulling and wrapping into the insides of his armor. You hit it just above where– you feel the impact, Fjord, but it’s mostly absorbed by the strange, rubbery, flesh exterior of this creature. TRAVIS: Ow. MARISHA: Did I hurt you? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Okay! (whack) I deck him right across the face. Yeah, I’ll take that, 16. MATT: That’ll hit, roll damage. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: It’s like getting punched with a motorcycle helmet on. MARISHA: Seven damage. MATT: Nice. You clock both this creature and Fjord across the chin. No damage to you, Fjord, but you are a bit dizzy from the impact in the darkness around your face. TRAVIS: (strained) I feel like that was personal. MARISHA: Ah, one more. I’m going to do flurry of blows. SAM: Oh boy. TRAVIS: (impacts) MATT: Essentially. MARISHA: That’s a natural 17. That’s a four, eight damage. MATT: Eight damage, nice. TRAVIS: Sick, good turn. LIAM: We are level four. Eight damage, sick. MATT: After you deck the darkmantle across the face and Fjord, you backhand with a full back fist blow to the side. You see it almost detach, and it’s looking like it’s scrambling to hold on. That finishes your turn? MARISHA: Uh-huh. TRAVIS: I am definitely woozy. MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: That brings us to Molly. TALIESIN: I’m going to take out my swords, and just I’m going to try and cleave some of these tentacles off. See if I can start to get it to lose its grip. I’m going to take my first shot. I’m going to stop saying that. That’s a 23 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. SAM: (gunshot) TALIESIN: Thank you. Nine points of damage. MATT: As you take the blade and swing, you cut down pretty close to where Fjord’s head is. As you cleave through the body actually splits, revealing Fjord’s face. As it limply falls off into the water slinking into the sludge. LAURA: It looks like he was being born. TRAVIS: Thanks. TALIESIN: Welcome! We probably should head towards the other one. MATT: That ends your turn, Molly? TALIESIN: That ends my turn. MATT: All righty, that brings us to Jester. LAURA: I can’t see anything on the other side. MATT: No, you can just see darkness. TALIESIN: But we can boat in there. LAURA: Yeah, I mean I will move the boat closer up. MATT: Make a strength check. LAURA: Oh, that was terrible, six. MATT: Six, okay. You struggle, it doesn’t seem to get purchase. You’re confused by this. LAURA: I can’t move the boat, y'all. MATT: Well, it’s a lot going on in the moment and you’re trying to figure out what to do. You don’t quite have the gumption to get it catching up relatively fast. So it goes just five feet. LAURA: Okay. Does that count as an action or a movement? MATT: That would be your action on that one. LAURA: Cool. SAM: Welcome back, Laura. LAURA: Thanks. This is fun, guys. All right, then I’m going to save– LIAM: Mistress of the Hunt. LAURA: Yeah. That’s what I got, I guess. Yeah. Sweet. MATT: That ends Jester’s turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay, well, I guess I wouldn’t know this. His went into the water? MATT: Well no, you have no idea. LAURA: Did you hear a splash? MATT: You watched as it slip around Nott and darkness envelop it, and that’s all you know. TRAVIS: You heard a (yelp) (impact). MATT: You know the general direction of where it is. ASHLEY: Okay, can I use the Light cantrip and see if I can make some light in the darkness? Or wait. Because I’m a Light Bearer. MATT: You are. You spend your action to create the Light cantrip. You watch as it flickers for a second and the darkness consumes the light. The spell has no effect. ASHLEY: Okay, I don’t know if I can still do this as a bonus action. Can I try to slowly move us a little forward? MATT: Yeah, if you want to. Well, that’s an action to do that, technically, so you couldn’t. You used your action to do the Light cantrip, unfortunately. ASHLEY: Okay. Yeah, okay. MATT: So that’s your turn? ASHLEY: Yeah that’s my turn. MATT: Okay, Caleb you’re up. LIAM: I went from being able to see almost nothing to seeing nothing. I heard Nott get scholpped in and then I heard some cry. So I raise up the glove of blasting and I’m going to fire at where I think this thing is. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: I’m dead. MATT: That’s Scorching Ray for that? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Three attacks. LIAM: Three strikes at disadvantage. MATT: All at disadvantage because you’re blind. LIAM: That’s correct. Okay, good. For the first is 16. MATT: 16 hits. LIAM: Yeah, let me do them all. 11. MATT: 11 just hits. LIAM: Und 15. MATT: All three hit, actually, even blinded. LIAM: (frantic noises) Plus that is ten. The total is 13. MATT: 13 points of damage. All together, right? Nope. It loses concentration on its darkness. (cheering) MATT: But is still standing. You watch as the darkness flickers out of the way. There’s flames burning around the outside and three giant singe marks on the outside of its rubbery skin. It’s floating in the air there for a second before it’s going back in for a swoop against the one who recently singed it. LIAM: Okay, before it hits me, I’ll say I sit down on the bench and just go (whimper). MATT: All right, that ends your turn, top of the round. The boats continue further downstream. TALIESIN: What are those things on the side? LAURA: Oh. SAM: Those are just rocks. LAURA: That’s not a rock. SAM: It’s fine. It’s rocks. MATT: Top of the round, Fjord, it’s you. TRAVIS: I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself. MATT: You watch as the moisture from the air and some of the water droplets from the river, from the splashing of the boat suddenly stick up and congeal in ice form around the outside of Fjord’s body. TRAVIS: Hex is still maintained on that bastard, right? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: So I can roll 1d6. Or do I, for the– I cast Hex on the one that was on Nott. MATT: It only takes the 1d6 damage when you damage it. TRAVIS: Oh shit, right. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. Another one swoops down and is going to attempt to envelope the one that scorched its ally. LIAM: I am a monk, it’s fine. MATT: That’s going to be a 14 to hit. LIAM: Yeah, of course it hits. MATT: You take nine points of bludgeoning damage and it is attached to you. LIAM: Yeah that’s wunderbar. MATT: The one that is still existing is going to attempt to attach to you once again, Nott. SAM: No! MATT: That’s going to be a 12 to hit. SAM: Does not. MATT: That is a miss. LAURA and SAM: Yay. LAURA: Things are looking up, you guys. MATT: That ends their go. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I will, seeing the one on Caleb, spin around and fire my hand crossbow at that one. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an attack with disadvantage, because you are in melee with another creature. The other creature that tried to grapple you is right up against you. So it is still harrying you when you’re trying to fire. SAM: Disadvantage. LIAM: Does she get sneak attack since I’m adjacent to that? MATT: Yeah, if she hits. SAM: It was going to be good, ten. MATT: Ten does not hit, unfortunately. You attempt to fire and at the last minute it shifts out of the way. You can see Caleb’s chest exposed to where you were aiming, and you pull back and fire wide off into the darkness. SAM: Then I’ll turn again and shoot with my bonus action at the one that I’m engaged with. MATT All righty. SAM: Disadvantage, right? MATT: Yes. SAM: So 20 to hit. MATT: 20 does hit. You don’t get sneak attack, however, because this guy is not engaged with anyone else. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: I will still say: Get off of my boat. I cause two points of damage. Oh wait, no! Six points of damage. LIAM: One question, is Frumpkin by the thing? Because Frumpkin is an ally. MATT: I don’t know if Frumpkin– LIAM: I know that I have read that Frumpkin can help me give me advantage. SAM: But he is not engaged, is he? LIAM: Whatever you want. MATT: I’d say for now, given the fact that Frumpkin is in a small boat and the creature is flying up, I would not consider it harrying the entity enough to grant sneak attack. But it doesn’t matter. Because that was enough to finish it off. It had already been damaged quite a bit in the previous round. So as you fire your final crossbolt into that one it (impact) (splash) into the river below. You watch as it sink below the water as your boat begins to scoot by (scraping noise) and begins grinding against this center stone here in the middle of the river. It’s just barely making its way around. Finishing that, that’s the end of Nott’s turn, Beau you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, is the one still next to me? That was attacking Fjord. MATT: No, that one has been slaughtered. There is one on Caleb over there. MARISHA: Oh, there’s one on Caleb. He’s still on top of him? MATT: It is currently attached to him around his head, yeah. MARISHA: I’m probably not within five feet. MATT: Nope. There’s probably about a ten foot distance between you and the other boat. LAURA: Leap for it! MARISHA: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I’m going to do some cool monk shit! I’m going to– SAM: Why do I get disadvantage? LAURA: Because it’s a ranged attack. SAM: Yeah, but I ignore all disadvantage with my Crossbow Expert feat. MATT: Oh that’s right, because you got a feat for it. SAM: Yeah. MATT: So you would not have disadvantage on that. TALIESIN: Okay. SAM: Well, next time. MATT: Well, we’ll let you roll damage for Caleb’s because it did work. SAM: That’s going to be a lot of damage. MATT: I forgot that you had gotten that feat. Go for it. SAM: Wait, I don’t even remember what I rolled. MATT: The first one was high the second one was low. SAM: All right. That’s a lot. It’s 20 points of damage. LIAM: I would say leave me in that motherfucker. TALIESIN: That was an intense roll right now. SAM: It’s okay, I don’t need it. MATT: So with that one moment as Beau’s preparing, you manage one blast of the crossbow that strikes square into one of the eyes of the creature. You hear this this strange guttural pain sound as it’s still holding onto Caleb, but seems to have taken a big hit. On your turn, Beau? MARISHA: (confused battle cry) Continuing on, I’m going to leap across and see if I can do a jump and a slap with the staff on top. MATT: For the purposes of this, roll an acrobatics check. This is a more parkour off of the boat using the weight. LIAM: This is your jam. MARISHA: Parkour. TRAVIS: The boat goes (bobbing in water). LIAM: Get it, Altaïr. TRAVIS: Sail! MARISHA: 14. MATT: So you jump, skip off the ground and– LAURA: Skip off the ground?! MATT: On the small stone in the center there and use the momentum from that with the staff swinging, go ahead make your strike against the– MARISHA: I’m going to swing upwards. Yep, that’s a natural 16, so 21. I don’t know why I rolled that die, that’s not necessary. Nine damage. MATT: Nine damage. With that, you manage to slap that one into two separate pieces that go slapping and sliding against the wall and splatter and begin to slick down the side of the cavern exterior. MARISHA: I take my staff and I wipe it on Caleb. MATT: Your hair’s slick back from the blood from the impact and the wound that gets taken. LIAM: In a split second before when I heard a blunt (impact): Oh, that was Beau. MARISHA: Sorry, are you all right? Your head’s okay? LIAM: I’m feeling pretty good. I feel streamlined. MARISHA: Yeah, the oil’s working for you. LIAM: Yeah, I clean up well. MARISHA: Yeah, very dapper. MATT: Ending Beau’s turn, Beau, Caleb, Molly, and Jester you hear this mild rumble, and you watch as from the somewhat rocky outside of the two sides of the wall these large figures begin to burst from the exterior and begin to slowly make their way towards the edge. So their action and movement puts them right up to there, and this one moves up to there. LAURA: Earth elementals? MATT: You see them covered in greenish algae and vines. They look like they’re made of earth and stone. You’re not certain what the nature of what they are. They’re bottom heavy and crawling across the ground and pulling their body forward. You’re not even sure if they have feet. LAURA: (screaming) SAM: Good gravy. MATT: They’re coming up to the edge of the river. That’s going to end Beau’s turn. Molly, you’re up. LAURA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Oh. (laughter) TRAVIS: You did a– TALIESIN: Sure, I know. Are they within striking distance? MATT: They’re not yet, no. TALIESIN: I’m going to hold my action until something’s within striking distance. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I will also say I’m at least going to back up to the side of the boat where I’m far enough away from that thing as humanly possible. MATT: Okay. Well, that’s where Jester is. TALIESIN: Oh, well fine. MATT: So you’re like, “Oh!” Jester still has the oars in place. Does that finish your turn? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: All righty, Jester your turn. LAURA: Oh gosh. Well, I hate to use my action to do anything else, but I should probably try to get away from the thing that’s on the shore, huh? SAM: You’re going to action row? LAURA: I’m going to action row! MATT: All right, make a strength check please. LAURA: Strength check! SAM: Oar Master. LAURA: That’s a good one. That’s just Jester’s strength. That’s a 22. MATT: Oh shit! Jester is power rowing as it begins to (motor whir) down the river to about there. LIAM: Half of the skiff. TRAVIS: Got to go! MATT: You scoot by. The entity gets to the edge of the water and then watches it pass, its body shifting. It looks powerful, but it looks slow-moving. LAURA: I’m going to use my bonus action to turn around and go: Eat shit, rock face! MATT: Perfect. That ends Jester’s turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: All right. Yeah, I’m going to try to– MATT: Maneuver around? ASHLEY: Maneuver around. SAM: Smash into their boat? MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check. LIAM: Still the only light in here are my four globules, correct? MATT: Correct, which actually you had to roll a concentration check for. LAURA: Oh god. LIAM: Not so good. ASHLEY: 19. LIAM: Nine. MATT: All right, so it is dark in here. Remember the Dancing Lights is concentration. SAM: Can we see anything? MATT: No, it is now absolutely pitch dark. LAURA: It’s pitch dark?! MATT: It’s pitch dark, yeah. TALIESIN: Didn’t you cast a Light spell? ASHLEY: I did. LAURA: It got eaten by the darkness. MATT: Yeah, it dispels the Light, unfortunately. It doesn’t encapsulate it. It dispels it. So you begin rowing in the direction in the darkness. What’d you roll? ASHLEY: 19. MATT: 19? Oh yeah. Without issue, you can row past and just begin to get beyond your friends there. LAURA: We crash into each other and get stuck. Ah, let me go! MATT: That’s going to end Yasha’s go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: (foomphs) MATT: Okay, a couple lights go up again. You guys go from darkness to immediate light again and behind you see the two creatures dragging themselves forward by their upper body. LIAM: I scrabble back and squish in with Nott at the front of the boat. MATT: Okay. Top of the round now. The water carries the boats further down– SAM: We might be okay. MATT: To about there. LAURA: I think those things are going to get us. MARISHA: Eventually. MATT: We’ll say here, with the movement of the creatures, actually, they can’t catch up, because you guys managed to push ahead. SAM: Action row! MARISHA: Full Winklevoss twins! MATT: For the purposes of cinematic movement on this, you guys continue to row as hard as you can, looking back with the light pushed towards the back to give a view. They are failing to keep up with both Yasha and Jester keeping the ships going at full speed. Eventually, they both stop and begin to back up, heading back towards the vicinity where they had originally emerged, disappearing into the shadows and darkness behind you. SAM: We’ll never know what they were, what they could have done! LAURA: I know. Actually, I’m feeling a little guilty for calling him– What if he just wanted to be friends? SAM: That’s true. Maybe they had information for us. MARISHA: You’re feeling guilty for calling him rock-face, but not for telling him to eat shit? I like that. That’s great. LIAM: Bye! MATT: As the sounds of the underground river begin to fill your senses once more, you settle and listen, and the quiet, aside from the slow rushing of the river, is all you hear. Who’s at the front of each boat keeping an eye out? TRAVIS: I’m at the front of ours. MATT: Fjord moves to the front of that boat. Who’s at the front of the other? LIAM: I guess I am. MATT: I would like you both to make a perception check, please. SAM: Crazy roll there, Travis. TRAVIS: Forget that. I get to reroll. That’s a natural one. (cheering) LIAM: 12. MATT: 12. Okay. As you guys are moving along, Fjord, mildly distracted, partially from the mist that is rising up from the ice and armor– MARISHA: Drinking a drink with cold ice. MATT: Caleb, you focus off to the side, and to the north side of the riverbank you see a shift in texture and a mild rock slide. Part of the wall has caved in a bit and is now pushing into part of the river. LIAM: Halt. Wait. Stop. SAM: He says to stop! LAURA: I’m trying! SAM: Action brakes! LAURA: (squeals) LIAM: Can you fight against the current for a moment? LAURA: Yeah, we’re rowing backwards. LIAM: Okay, it’s going to get dark in here for a second, all right? But don’t worry. I drop the globules and I cast Detect Magic. MATT: Okay. So as you focus on– What’s the range on that one? LIAM: It is only 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet, okay. As you guys drift lazily down the course of the river– LAURA: Slowly. LIAM: I’m focusing, obviously, on the rock slide that you just described. MATT: As you move in that direction past the rock slide, you get a faint source of magic further beyond that rock slide. LIAM: Beyond the rock slide? MATT: You get a better look at it. Actually, you don’t get a better look because you don’t have light. LIAM: That’s on one side of the passage that we are in? MATT: That’s on the north side of it, yes. LIAM: If I crane my neck in the other direction, is there anything on that side? MATT: Nope. Nothing of magical essence on that side of the chamber. LIAM: All right, well, in the darkness, you hear: There is something of an arcane nature in the middle of those rocks that were ahead of us. What do you want to do? Do you want to go scrabbling in the dirt or do you want to keep going forward? It could be something beneficial or it could be terrible. SAM: Are there sides of the river? LIAM: Nobody can see anything right now. MATT: Those with darkvision get a better view as they get closer. At this point, you’ve gotten close enough for your magical essence so you get a view of this, Nott. You can see on the northern side of it, the cavern wall that has been slowly shifting through millennia of mineral buildup changes into bits of solid, smooth stone and a portion of it collapsed into what this rock slide is. MARISHA: We were looking for a collapse. A change in texture. SAM: We should go investigate. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: This is it. LAURA: Should we park the boats? TALIESIN: Let’s park the boats. LAURA: Can we have some light? LIAM: Does anyone have a torch? I would prefer to keep this up for the time being. ASHLEY: I pull out a torch. MATT: Yasha ignites a torch. The fire burns brightly and the interior of this chamber now is very easy to see the details around you. The water is still cruising by as you guys begin to make your way up along the shore a bit, stepping off to the side of the river and pulling the boats up on the rocks. They’re not going to continue to be carried down by the stream. SAM: I’m going to take my old little dry flowers and just stick them in his gross, ichor-y hair. LIAM: Do I look like The Gentleman right now? MATT: The Gentleman on hard times, maybe. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: A little less blue. LIAM: It’s not that weird. MATT: Past about a roughly ten-foot wide portion of this wall that has fallen in, part of the ceiling has come in and above it is just dirt. It’s loose rock and pieces of well-carved stone and masonry that have been destroyed, apparently upon exiting whatever was beyond this wall. LIAM: Can I see what was giving me the arcane signature? MATT: You feel it on the opposite, the other side of this rock slide. LAURA: Can we clear out these rocks? TRAVIS: I think we just need to get closer. LAURA: But we’re right here. LIAM: Yeah. What about you two beefcakes? Can you move these stones out of the way? ASHLEY and LAURA: (grunting) MATT: Both of you make athletics checks to get through the endurance of pulling these stones out of the way. LAURA: Well, that’s totally cocked, that was terrible. Athletics? MATT: Yes. ASHLEY: 16. LAURA: 13. MATT: Between the two of you, about ten minutes pass as you watch your two beefy companions, one after another, moving large stones and rocks, scooping them out of the way, some spilling and rolling into the water, other ones being pushed off to the side. LIAM: Question, because the spell that I cast only lasts ten minutes, somewhere around the eight or nine minute mark, do I see– You said it was on the other side of the rock slide, so are they uncovering anything before the spell is gone? MATT: I’d say about the time it begins to fade, you guys begin to see a faint purple glow through a breach of this slide leading into the next chamber. It’s a very faint pinkish purple light source. SAM: Like coming from another room? MATT: Coming from that room. It looks like there’s a room or a chamber beyond. LIAM: So not a door, but just a passageway? MATT: You’re just starting to expose it a bit. All you’re seeing is the light and stone on the opposite end. But there is a gap. There’s about a ten-foot space between where you’re starting to see this and where you see the light reflecting on whatever this other surface is within. About then, your spell fades. LIAM: The torch is still up. MATT: The torch is still up, yeah. You guys manage to pull the stones from it, the final bits leaving just enough of a space where you can crawl through independently. You are now looking into the center of a spiral staircase. TRAVIS: I remember they said they threw an explosive behind them and dropped even more, so this won’t be the first rock slide. MARISHA: They said that the glowing orbs that made the men collapse were purple. SAM: This all checks out. We are in the right place. TALIESIN: Does that sound like a will-o’-wisp? MATT: Will-o’-wisps generally fade like a dull yellow-green color. TALIESIN: Does this ring any bells, then? MATT: Not particularly. As you begin to move beyond, you can look up inside this spiral staircase. Above you and about two feet up the corner, there is a wrought iron cage that is built into the wall, containing a small crystal-like stone that is purple in color that is giving off this light source. LAURA: Ooh. Hey, Caleb, look! Don’t you want to steal that? It’s probably magic. LIAM: It’s possible that I will want to steal it, but can I make anything out? Does it look like anything that I have read about or encountered before? MATT: There have been different artifacts that have been enchanted with equivalents of either Continuous Flame or a magic that themselves can emanate light. The way it’s affixed to here, it looks like it’s designed to be a general light source. LIAM: So it’s a glow stick. MATT: Essentially, yeah. It’s a purple glow stick. TRAVIS: Well, let’s get in there. LIAM: But it’s in an iron cage? MATT: Like a small iron cage that is bolted into the stone. MARISHA: That’s a nice sconce. LIAM: Let’s continue on. MATT: Okay, you have two directions. Up or down? LAURA: Would you want to go up? TRAVIS: Wait, we’re in the spiral staircase and it goes– MATT: It goes up or down. You pull through and begin to find your way into the spiral staircase. It’s about, roughly, eight or ten feet wide as it continues downward. It also continues upward. You’re entering partway through the staircase. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: We can’t see around the bend to how far down it goes, right? Is it an open spiral staircase or just a wall? MATT: No, no. It’s closed. There’s an actual column in the center of it so you have to traverse up or down to get more of a view of where it leads. LIAM: Before we leave this little cage, does it look bolted into place? LAURA: It’s a couple flights up, though, you said? MATT: Well, no. It’s just right around the corner on the edge, locked into the central pillar. TRAVIS: We can only see as far up as the curves go in either direction. MATT: Yeah. It looks like the edges of the cage where the metal has been bent– LIAM: It’s small? MATT: It’s small. It’s about that big and it’s pressed into the stone, like the stone was probably ground into various holes and then the iron was put in there and then sealed in. You don’t know how easy or hard it would be to remove. TRAVIS: Unless it lets people know when something crosses in front of it. LIAM: Maybe later. Let’s continue on. Which way do we want to go? LAURA: Let’s go down. Usually scarier things are down. MARISHA: I’m always a fan of going down. TALIESIN: More expensive things tend to be up, but I’m happy to start with down. SAM: Gross. Just gross. MARISHA: What? SAM: You’re super gross. TALIESIN: I didn’t even catch that! LIAM: You have one setting. Naughty. SAM: Offensive! TRAVIS: We’re going to head downwards. MATT: All right. What is the marching order heading downward? SAM: We’re going down? Do you need me to check for traps? TRAVIS: Yeah, please. LAURA: Yeah, so Nott in front. MATT: Nott in front. Who’s after Nott? ASHLEY: I’ll go behind Nott. SAM: I’ll take a big swig of shitty alcohol. MATT: Okay. Who’s after Yasha? LAURA: I guess I can be after Yasha. MATT: All right. Jester after Yasha. TRAVIS: I’m right in the middle. TALIESIN: I’m after Jester or after Fjord. TRAVIS: Where do you want to be? MARISHA: I’ll take up the rears. SAM: (deep voice) I always take up the rears. ASHLEY: I’m always a fan of the rears. LIAM: Yeah, I was going to say not the back, but I will let the bruiser walk behind me. MATT: So Beau’s at the back keeping an eye open. As you guys slowly step down the stone stairs, deeper and deeper still– SAM: Check for traps! MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. TRAVIS: That’s cocked as hell. SAM: Is that cocked? As hell? MATT: Is there a number up top? SAM: There is, but now it just moved. MATT: Roll it again. SAM: Well, that’s a natural 20. (laughter) SAM: That’s an embarrassing 20. MATT: You guys continue down for about 40 feet or so, very slowly, very carefully, as Nott inspects each individual step, eyes lurking around looking for any signs of uneven stone, of gaps between the mason work. Nothing catches your attention. You hit the very base of the stairway before it evens out. There is a small intermediate chamber that’s about 15 feet wide and only about five feet– sorry. 15 feet long and about five feet wide, and then a thin hallway about four or five feet wide that goes on for about 25 feet. You don’t see anything beyond that. There is no light other than the torch light that you have currently. SAM: It’s 15 feet long? MATT: So as you exit the stairs– LIAM: The shaft is. MATT: It’s essentially five feet to each way on the ends. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: (laughing) No! SAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: Why are you cupping the balls under your mouth? SAM: Because this is where we are. MATT: It’s a rusty trombone, man. You never seen that? SAM: This is the shaft in front of me, and then there’s another? A longer shaft? So we can go down that shaft if we wanted to? MATT: Yes. Yes, Nott. That is correct. It looks to be five feet to each side of you once you exit the stairs, like a resting space. SAM: Okay, these are the balls. MATT: And then there is a four to five-foot wide shaft that continues forward. MARISHA: I have no chill? You talk to me two minutes later. MATT: I know. I’m proud of you. LIAM: Has it been that long? MARISHA: I don’t think so. SAM: I have no idea of the layout of this room. I was just going for a gag. MATT: Congratulations! Nott’s been drinking enough where she’s not entirely certain where things are or where you are. LAURA: Are we free of traps in this little– SAM: There are no traps here. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Should we continue on straight ahead? LAURA: Should we send Frumpkin down there and see if it’s clear? SAM: Or Schmidt. LIAM: Well, Schmidt can’t see shit, but Frumpkin– can my cat see in the dark? I would know that. I don’t know. MATT: Cats, generally nocturnal? I would say it would have, unless it says in the actual– I will look in the Monster Manual. I’m fairly certain, having grown up with cats, that being nocturnal creatures they’d have it. LIAM: It makes sense for anyone who had gone into their basement and seen the cat go (humming). LAURA: Oh, yeah. Cats can see. TALIESIN: Cats can see your soul. MATT: They do not have darkvision, according to the rules. LIAM: Okay, well, let’s go by the rules, then. LAURA: The rules need to be changed. MATT: But they do have perception on vision. LAURA: Why don’t you send your little dancing lights down there with him? LIAM: Well, I have a range on that. I don’t like that idea, actually. LAURA: What if I just send something that’s on fire and I throw it down the tunnel? LIAM: How about I send Frumpkin with you and between Frumpkin and you, we’ll be in good shape? SAM: Me and Frumpkin? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Am I protecting– LIAM: You’re just peeking. SAM: Okay. All right. LIAM: Who am I behind? Mollymauk. I place hands on his shoulders and send Frumpkin down ten feet ahead of Nott and I’m seeing– MATT: Ten feet ahead of Nott? LIAM: Yeah, or listening, and trying to listen and see through Frumpkin. MATT: Frumpkin darts ahead down that long, 25-foot, very thin hallway to the opposite side and in the next chamber, what little bit of light’s making it in there– because it’s pretty low light, based on what little bit of torch is coming through, and it’s like a lantern light at this point, because only what’s coming through that hallway is then spreading out before you. You see a raised platform, about a foot high. It looks triangular in shape in the center of this room, and that’s all you can make out with the little bit of light that’s there, but the room continues on about another 20 or so feet beyond that entrance before it goes to darkness. LIAM: So it gets too dark and hazy past that altar. MATT: Correct. LIAM: Yasha, can you hand the torch down and get it to Nott so that she can go a little bit further? MATT: Nott, are you traveling down the hallway as well? SAM: I’m ten feet behind the cat. MATT: All right. As you approach the first bit of that hallway that continues downward, you step in, and at that moment, you hear this (click) and glance over to the right of you, as you checked for traps in the stairs, but not the hallway. You glance off to the side and can see a scattering of holes on each side of the wall, about nine or ten of them at different angles, and one of them goes (click). You glance over before something comes firing out at extremely fast, lightning speed towards you. MARISHA: Rogue shit! MATT: That’s going to be a 26 to hit. SAM: That hits. MATT: You take five points of piercing damage as a long, metal bolt fires out of the hole and sticks you right in the front of the thigh. SAM: Ah! Fuck! (laughter) SAM: I found a trap! LAURA: Really? LIAM: Is it spent now? SAM: Let me check. I’ll see if there’s any other triggers for this trap. MATT: On this trap, at this floor point? You jump up and down. Make an investigation check if you want to, in the area. SAM: 22. MATT: It looks like, whatever this trap is, the actual entire stone floor around you is a pressure plate that Frumpkin did not set off. It has not gone off since you’ve stepped on it, but as you’re investigating and listening closely to the stone, you hear a very slow (clicking). LAURA: Oh, it’s resetting. SAM: I’m going to go forward a bit, onto the next pressure plate. MATT: Okay, that is 14 to hit? SAM: Does not hit. MATT: Does not hit? This time, hearing the (arrow firing) out of the side, and being ready for it, you duck out of the way and it splinters off and sparks against the stone. SAM: Oh god. There’s many of them. LIAM: Are you going to tell everybody about the pressure plates? SAM: Oh god, there’s lots of traps! I’m dying out here! (laughter) LAURA: We’re just seeing you. You’re really close to us, aren’t you? SAM: Boy, oh boy, rogues suck. How much further until the end of this hall? MATT: About ten feet from where you are. LAURA: Can you disarm the traps so you don’t keep just setting them off? LIAM: Do we have anything heavy to put on them to hold them down? SAM: They reset, though, right? I don’t know! LIAM: We don’t know. SAM: I’m on this one, and I’m going to listen to see if this one’s resetting also. MATT: (ticking sound) SAM: Okay, I’ll see if there’s a way to disarm it, or plug the hole, or something. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a thieves’ tools check, which is your proficiency bonus plus dexterity modifier. Should be plus six, I think? SAM: 18. MATT: 18, okay. Looking at this central platform here, as you inspect it, listening to where it’s clicking, you listen for the holes that are clicking. Most of these holes are not actually functional, they’re just there to confuse whoever might notice that there’s an issue. Only one of them is active, and you listen very closely and listen for the one that’s making the clicking noise, and you quickly take one of your thieves’ tools– or, not your thieves’ tools, something on you that can plug that hole. A piece of stone, something that you might have in your vicinity that might function to that degree. LAURA: A button! MARISHA: Ball bearings you stole from me. SAM: I do have ball bearings. Hold on, I have so many things. MATT: (ticking sound) SAM: Oh god. I don’t want to get rid of that, that’s cute. A vase! MATT: The holes are about that big. SAM: Ah, shit. MATT: (ticking sound) SAM: I take my brass doorknob and shove it in there. MATT: Okay, there is a section of the doorknob that will fit within that hole. You jam it in there, and you push and grind it in there until it feels wedged in the stone, and eventually you hear (ticking) (swoosh) and the door knob cracks for a second, and there’s no more clicking. Apparently you have managed to break that device. SAM: I am going to take the doorknob back. MATT: As you pull the doorknob out– SAM: Shit. MATT: With disadvantage– Oh, no that’s a 12 to hit. SAM: It shoots out anyway? MATT: It shoots out anyway, but haphazardly, and then it breaks. SAM: Great. MATT: You hear a (clanking) on the inside of the wall there, and that trap is busted. LAURA: Are there any more? SAM: I don’t know! I check for more traps. Two for investigation. MATT: Two for investigation? LIAM: Has the party held up at this point? MATT: You guys are all just in the back watching this happen. SAM: I don’t know how to be a rogue! LIAM: While that happened, I would like to investigate the part of the room that I can see. Is there anything dangerous or hinky? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: Yes, thank you. SAM: I rolled a seven. That was not a two, it was a seven. MATT: Okay, hard to tell at this point. SAM: Great. We’re all clear! LIAM: 21. MATT: The chamber you’re in right now? Looking around, you can see a heavy layer of dust across the floor and the edges of the wall. LIAM: This is where Frumpkin is, correct? MATT: Oh! Sorry, I thought you were checking for yourself. LIAM: Through Frumpkin’s eyes. The half of the room, or the portion of the room that Frumpkin can see. MATT: The portion that Frumpkin can see is just the center platform. The center platform, looking on top, has a series of symbols on it. Looking close, Frumpkin can see they aren’t symbols that are drawn on it, they are carved in. Actually, the triangular shape resembles that. The center hole is the deepest. It goes out of sight. The other ones are just mild carvings in the stone. LAURA: Oh no, is this going to be a puzzle? SAM: I hope so. LAURA: Oh, fuck me. MARISHA: Definitely a puzzle. ASHLEY: So that’s what’s up ahead? MATT: Yeah, you guys are still back waiting for Nott to finish walking through. ASHLEY: I’m just going to run across. MATT: You’re just going to run across? ASHLEY: I’m just going to run across and pick up Nott on the way. MATT: As you’re like, “Coast is clear!” Yasha comes rushing past. In the time that it’s taken, the first trap has reset. That is going to be an 18 to hit? ASHLEY: Uh-huh. MATT: Ooh, that is 11 points of piercing damage, as it strikes you in the back of the calf, actually piercing through the muscle, and you stumble for a second. You rush past the floor where Nott is. No effect. The third one: it goes off. Another trap. That is going to be a 14 to hit. ASHLEY: Yeah, that just hits. MATT: That’s going to be seven piercing damage to that one. This one catches you in the back, in the side of your rib cage, under your shoulder blade, and you manage to emerge into the next chamber with the torch now. Wounded– ASHLEY: Fuck! MATT: But you made it through. They’re both sticking out of you as you turn around and look in the chamber. ASHLEY: Maybe nobody else do that. LAURA: No, I’m going to run. MARISHA: I feel like this is going well. SAM: I’m running. MATT: All right. As you guys run through, it’s still resetting. Who’s going through? TALIESIN: I’m going for it. LIAM: Are we all going? TRAVIS: Ah! I’m running! LIAM: I’m holding onto Mollymauk and just following. MATT: Who’s holding up the back? MARISHA: I’ll hold up the back. I want to look around and see if I see anything that looks of value. MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage, because you’re now outside of the main light. The rest of you rush through, making it through, the traps have reset. MARISHA: I’ll take that natural one and give another $100 to 826LA. MATT: Beau takes a moment there. Looking around the corners, it looks like this portion of the chamber is more of an antechamber or something that leads into the next bit. There’s nothing of worth or interest. TRAVIS: Yeah, just things to shoot you in the fucking legs. MARISHA: Wait up for me! MATT: Okay. You run to the first chamber. It shoots out towards you. That’s cocked. That’s going to be a 16 to hit? MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Misses. Just past you. The second platform, Nott’s already disarmed. No effect. Third platform. Does come shooting out at you. That is going to be a natural 20. ALL: Ooh! MARISHA: I want to catch it. MATT: Okay! Let’s see if it works. MARISHA: Knowing it’s coming. LIAM: It’s down low, though. MATT: 13 points of piercing damage for that one. MARISHA: 1d10 plus eight. LAURA: You can do it. LIAM: Get it. MARISHA: (groan) Wait, how many? MATT: 13. MARISHA: 11. MATT: 11. You catch it and it embeds itself about an inch into your chest before you pull it out. MARISHA: I caught it! Argh! MATT: You throw the bolt to the ground and continue on to the chamber. You only suffer two points of damage. MARISHA: Those are from earlier. SAM: I am so sorry. I did not handle that very well. I was told to check for traps and I missed many of them and I will strive to do better in the future and I’m sorry and this one, this one’s on me. LAURA: It’s okay, Nott. SAM: I’m sorry. LAURA: I pat your head. You know, it’s a lot of stress. You’re learning still. SAM: It is! All these traps are different. I wish they would just stick with the rope across the hallway trap. LAURA: Then the log coming down! SAM: Yeah. That’s the one I know. It’s a tried and true classic. TALIESIN: It’s classic, really. MATT: As you guys now have a moment here to take in the chamber around you, Yasha holding the torch aloft, lighting up the vicinity. You’re now standing inside a tall, octagonal chamber that rises up about 25, 30 feet above you. A domed ceiling with abstract designs and symbols written in each pie-slots of this octagon around. LAURA: We’re at Burning Man, aren’t we? We’re at Burning Man. MATT: No. TALIESIN: This is a great installation. MATT: You see in the center where all of these triangular pieces of the dome meet in the center, there is a blue, thick ten foot wide pillar that descends about ten feet from the ceiling, about 15 feet above you. It’s square and ominously held aloft. LAURA: That thing’s going to try to kill us. MATT: Below that, you see there is that triangular piece of stone and there is no visible exit to the chamber. TRAVIS: Is that triangular piece of stone raised off the floor? MATT: It’s raised off the floor about a foot or so. TRAVIS: How big is it? MATT: For each side, it’s about two and a half feet. MARISHA: It’s this thing? MATT: It’s that thing. SAM: How wide is the whole chamber again? MATT: The whole chamber would probably be about 50 to 60 feet wide. LAURA: Oh wow. It’s big. TRAVIS: If we’re just coming into the area, which edge is pointing towards us? The flat or the point? MATT: From your perspective entering, this would be the front end and there’s these two sides there. You have the dome with all these symbols and strange designs upon each of these eight pieces of the octagon dome. TALIESIN: Do I recognize any of these symbols? Does anything look familiar? TRAVIS: From your brief life. MATT: What skills are you trained in? TALIESIN: Skills? MATT: Yes. LAURA: What skills you got? TALIESIN: I got acrobatics, insight, deception, sleight of hand. MATT: Okay. What do you have? Proficient in? TRAVIS: (whistling) Going to have to get back to you. Perception, intimidation, investigation. SAM: Yeah, there’s a little dot next to it. TALIESIN: Investigation and survival also. LIAM: Arcana, insight, investigation. MATT: Well, as you look up. First off, as Yasha holds the torch up so you can see the symbols. MARISHA: Oh shit. LAURA: What?! This is intricate. MARISHA: Look how cool! SAM: What are they? They’re all over the ceiling? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: I have that kids’ toy that makes these. You spin it and the little pen goes around and around. LAURA: Are all those facing towards Fjord? MATT: All of these are from Fjord’s perspective. SAM: Those are on the ceiling? MATT: Those are on the ceiling, yes. SAM: Let me just check for traps. I’m going to walk around the immediate area checking for traps. 22. MATT: 22. As you slowly crawl your way around the exterior, checking the stone, checking the placement. You do see that each of these symbols are about maybe half an inch thick into there except for the centerpiece, which you cannot tell how deep it is. The hole in the center goes down for a while, from what you can tell. MARISHA: You said this was pretty big. MATT: It’s about two to two and a half feet to each side. LAURA: On the ground? Just on the ground? MATT: Yeah, flat on the ground. SAM: No traps? MATT: You do not see any traps around the interior of the chamber. LIAM: Something was giving off an arcane aura before we came in here, but I cannot see it now, so if you indulge me and give me ten minutes, I will– SAM: Ten minutes? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Yeah, take your time. MARISHA: Can I do a check to see if I recognize any of these things? MATT: Are you trained in arcana? MARISHA: I can use my mystical erudition to spend a ki point. MATT: I will say because of your monk background, I will allow you to go ahead and attempt it as well. If the two guys trained in arcana as well are looking up at the symbols and studying them, you are welcome to do so. MARISHA: I get advantage on this. MATT: If you spend a ki point, yes you do. LAURA: Are the symbols just painted on the ground, or are they carved into the ground? MATT: Those symbols are carved in the ground. Those symbols on the ceiling of each space– LAURA: They’re on the ceiling? MATT: They’re on the ceiling in each octagonal piece of the dome; they’re painted above in a circle around. TRAVIS: 21. LIAM: 16. MARISHA: 18. MATT: Okay. In the focus of intending to cast the Detect Magic spell, you’re not as focused on the symbols. However, the two of you, keenly, together, staring up at the ceiling, begin to make out something similar in these patterns. You don’t fully understand it, as it comes from whatever knowledge was imparted upon you from this entity you’ve made a pact with. You, however, in studying various forms of the arcane and coming into knowledge that isn’t your specialty, but knowing it is definitely a specialty, you look at each of these symbols, and these are not classically used, they’re improvised interpretations, or specific re-toolings of the symbols that mean each of the eight schools of magic. Between Fjord and Beau, you guys get to make out what each of these symbols means. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. MARISHA: Cool. TRAVIS: So I don’t know why I know this. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s like magic people code. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: The people I learned from were super into this shit. LAURA: Does that mean we have to cast some spells or something? MARISHA: I think it’s a puzzle. I feel like this thing rotates and we have to match the symbols on the bottom to the symbols that match the school of magic. It feels like the divination is a full symbol of the star. TRAVIS: It feels like the triangle is down here. MARISHA: Evocation, right? Then the diamond– LIAM: You can tell if you were to rotate it, it would line up. Triangle to triangle, that would bring the star to that one there. MARISHA: What would the diamond be? LIAM: There’s a diamond right there. SAM: Does it look like it goes inside? MATT: You can give it a shot if you want to. SAM: I’ll go gingerly touch the base and see if it moves a little bit. MATT: It does not shift at all. TRAVIS: Is anyone on the platform? MATT: Currently, no. LAURA: I wonder if you have to stick something in the hole and twist it. MARISHA: I bet there’s a key. LIAM: Caleb is still going through the ritual. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Fuck it, I’ll stand up on the platform. MATT: Okay, you step onto the platform. A moment passes. Two. No effect. TRAVIS: Can I look down into that black hole in the center of it? MATT: You can, although in the light source Yasha’s currently holding, it just looks like shadow. ASHLEY: Do you want it? TRAVIS: I have darkvision. Oh, yeah, I’ll take the torch. MATT: Okay, you take the torch and hold it over to give you a better glance over it. The hole descends about a foot and a half and stops. LAURA: Stick your wang in it. TRAVIS: I will put my finger in the hole, actually. I don’t know how big the hole is, but I want to feel if there are any grooves on the inside or any sort of indentations. MATT: Right. It’s roughly a half inch wide, so about that wide. TRAVIS: I put my little pinkie in it. MATT: Fits inside. TRAVIS: Solid walls? MATT: Solid walls on the inside. TRAVIS: Well, it’s short. There anything around here that looks like a staff or a pole or rod? MARISHA: I’m going to start looking around, digging, seeing if I see anything that looks like it would fit the shape. I’m also going to shout out: Be careful, the shifty three were talking about an octagonal room where they got attacked. TRAVIS: The floor around this triangle shape, it’s flush in the ground, right? There’s no circle around the triangle platform? MATT: Correct. It is just flush and set in the ground. TRAVIS: So the ground’s not going to move. Maybe the ceiling has to move. LAURA: Oh, because of the thing in the middle. TRAVIS: Right. We’re not going to be able to turn the floor. SAM: How do we turn a ceiling? MARISHA: Maybe we’ve got to go all the way back up to the top. TALIESIN: That’s my thought. SAM: The top of what? MARISHA: The spiral staircase. ASHLEY: To see from the top? MARISHA: We need a down here team and an up here team and maybe a Frumpkin to communicate through. LIAM: Well, I will remember this. I have a perfect memory, I will remember this exactly. LAURA: Does the pillar coming out of the ceiling have a hole in it as well? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: She’s good at finding holes. LAURA: I am really good at finding holes. LIAM: She talks about them a lot. LAURA: Yeah. 20. MATT: Glancing up at it, the pillar itself comes down in a square-shape, and the very base of it has a slight curvature or dome to it, but it is solid. You don’t see any seams in it, you don’t see any marking. It is just a solid pillar. It’s about ten feet wide or so. LIAM: Has ten minutes gone by yet? MATT: At this point, yeah, as they began to look around. You said you’re searching for anything else in the chamber. MARISHA: That looks like it would fit in the rod. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: As you begin to slowly make your way around the room, looking for any markings. ASHLEY: I feel like that goes in the hole. LAURA: But the hole is– SAM: This wide. LAURA: Yeah, the hole is– MATT: The hole is like a half-inch wide. MARISHA: Okay. 16. MATT: You spend a little while looking for any signs of grooves or where anything’s hidden. The chamber is solid, and there is nothing in the room that looks like it would– there’s nothing to grab on to. There are no other objects in here. It’s fairly empty, aside from this dome, that octagonal shape, and this small engraving on the ground, and that pillar at the top. TRAVIS: Caleb, do you have anything to draw these symbols? SAM: Wait, Jester draws great. Jester can draw. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah! Jester, please, both of you, yeah. Just to get a rendition of the ceiling in relation to the ground. LAURA: I open up my sketchbook and I start drawing the symbols. Here, look, I made this beautiful picture. MARISHA: You work so fast. LAURA: Well, I’m really talented. TALIESIN: You don’t have a heal cantrip, do you? LAURA: Cantrip? No. ASHLEY: I have some potions. LIAM: Did Detect Magic reveal what was glowing in here before? MATT: No, this chamber is far further below. It’s 40 feet below where you guys initially came through, so whatever you sensed earlier would have been near where you entered. LIAM: Oh, it was just the glow stick. MATT: It was probably the glow stick, yeah. TRAVIS: I think maybe we need to see where those stairs go up. MARISHA: The stairs are back through the hall and up, right? They’re not in these chambers? It’s one big chamber? MATT: Nope. One big chamber with no other exit beyond the hallway you entered from. MARISHA: All right, I’ll jog up the stairs. TRAVIS: Wait. You’re going to wait until she disarms the– SAM: This is my chance for redemption. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. SAM: Let me break the traps first. MARISHA: Get it, girl. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and ASHLEY: (singing) Get it girl, get it, get it girl. MARISHA: (singing) To the front, to the side, to the back. Disarm that trap. SAM: Can I have a handful of ball bearings? TALIESIN: I hand Nott a handful of ball bearings. SAM: Thank you. I’ll start working on it. I’m going to disarm trap three. MATT: Go for it. SAM: 19, plus stuff. MATT: Oh, yeah. The next trap you come up to, you leap up onto the side, using your fingers to dig into some of the holes there, and jam about three ball bearings into the one hole that you see is the one where the bolt is actually embedded within, and as soon as you step back down, you hear this grinding noise, and the trap is pretty shattered from the inside. SAM: Okay, I’m going to go to trap one. Ooh, not as good. Six plus six, right? 12? MATT: 12. The middle one is still broken. There’s only three platforms you’ve seen that actually lead to this trap. You’ve broken two of them. The third and final one, you go to attempt to put the ball bearing in there. SAM: Oh boy. MATT: However, it does shoot forth, through your thumb. That’s going to be a 21 to hit. SAM: Oh, yeah, that hits. MATT: You take eight points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Redemption is fucking painful. MATT: Actually, it goes through your thumb and into your hand and into your wrist, and so you’re bolted through there and it’s sticking out right there, and you’re like (shocked sounds). The shock hits you– you don’t feel the pain yet, you’re looking at it jutting through your hand. SAM: (heavy breathing) TALIESIN: We can fix that. SAM: While it’s reloading, I’m going to jam some ball bearings in with my other hand and try to break it. MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll one more time. SAM: Nine. TALIESIN: Is that including the bonus? SAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: You’re having a hard time breaking it. You hear the clicking going and you’re putting the ball bearings, and they keep slipping back out, and you can’t find the right way to keep it in. You have too much pain from your hand. LIAM: She’s too drunk. SAM: What else I got? MATT: (ping) Another one fires out towards you. That’s going to be a 13 to hit. SAM: Misses. MATT: So you duck out of the way. You attempt to jam it back in. SAM: (frustrated growl) I’m going to try one more time. Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: Angrily, with your one good hand, you take a handful of bearings and jam them inside, holding your wrist there as you can feel the (impact) inside, and then a spring breaks somewhere beneath the stone. All three traps have been disabled. LIAM: Sorry, 826. SAM: (relieved panting) All clear! TALIESIN: Oh, well done with– oh my god, your hand! SAM: It’s fine, it’s nothing. It’s fine, it’s just a little blood. TALIESIN: That’s– ugh. LIAM: You want to deal with that right away. SAM: (pained groaning) MARISHA: Hey, can I keep that? I think I can throw it later. LIAM: Yeah, here you go. MARISHA: Thank you. Thanks, Nott. TALIESIN: Did you just pocket a thumb? SAM: No, that’s the bolt. MARISHA: Oh, sorry, here’s your thumb back. I just want the bolt. LIAM: Big Lebowski. TRAVIS: You want a toe? I can get you a toe. MATT: As you’re bleeding profusely from your wounded hand, you guys head up the stairway? MARISHA: Yeah, who’s going up? LIAM: Well, here’s what I think: I can send these little globules of light quite a ways, and I can also send Frumpkin quite a ways, so why don’t we let Frumpkin have a look and we just hang back? TALIESIN: I think let’s all head up in that direction, but put Frumpkin first. I think Frumpkin ahead, but let’s– TRAVIS: Ten feet ahead is fine. MARISHA: I have a feeling there’s going to be a lever-y or a move-y situation. TALIESIN: We’re also going to have to keep checking for traps and then we’ll send people down when we need it. MARISHA: Yeah, you might need opposable thumbs. SAM: Hey! It’s too soon! MARISHA: Sorry! TRAVIS: Yeah, we start heading up with Frumpkin ten feet in front. LIAM: Let’s say 30 feet in front of the group with one of my Dancing Lights about ten feet behind her– him? Him. MATT: Him. It’s your pet. SAM: Wait, so who’s going up? TRAVIS: Everybody. SAM: But who’s going to be downstairs to–? TALIESIN: Well, we’ve got to figure out what we– LIAM: It’s all right. Jester drew it, I remember it, we’re good. MATT: Marching order heading upstairs? MARISHA: I’ll take the front. LIAM: I’ll take second position. TALIESIN: I’ll take third. ASHLEY: I’ll take back. MATT: Yasha’s in the back with Frumpkin up ahead. Perfect. As you guys progress, spiraling up the staircase, you come by the glowing purple orb that’s embedded in the wall, and you’re helping Caleb come up the stairs, vision currently focused through Frumpkin. Frumpkin heads above, curling upward another 60 or so feet above where you entered– so 100 feet above, spiraling, where this base floor you had already inspected was. Eventually, it emerges into a fairly wide square-looking chamber. LIAM: Looking for dangerous shit. MATT: All right. Frumpkin emerges and looks inside. It’s a Baroque-style grand chamber, with intricate designs and a beautiful interior. The floor itself is solid marble squares that are off-color to each other and give almost a checkered pattern to it. Against each wall, the walls are carved to be beautifully intricate with half-pillars carved out of them, and parts that are inset with art pieces once were set, but are gone. There are shelves in places in here, where things of worth were once set but have already been taken. The opposite side of the room, by the way, has completely fallen in. This chamber should be about 80 feet across, but it looks like something has happened and caused it to collapse inward, and the chamber is slightly tilted to one side. There’s a slight tilt, a decline towards the left-hand side of the chamber. There are two load-bearing pillars that mark the center of the chamber that lead up to the ceiling, and the ceiling itself is about 30 feet up, similar height to the previous chamber you were in. Make a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: For me through Frumpkin is terrible. Seven. MATT: With the low light in the chamber, it’s hard to make out any of specific details beyond that, but this is what you can see. The collapsed opposite side of the chamber that has fallen in, and there is rubble and stone and earth that has filled the opposite side of the chamber. There is the nice marble floor and the designs and carvings in the sides of it. TRAVIS: Is there any sort of door at the top of the stairs that leads into this chamber, or is it just open? MATT: It just opens up. The spiral staircase just emerges into that chamber. LIAM: Knowing distance, space, the direction of north at all times, with Frumpkin in there, am I able to tell how far back we are from this chamber? We’re 20 feet back? MATT: You guys are about 15, 20 feet behind Frumpkin, yeah. LIAM: Would you say that Detect Magic is still cooking at this point? Are we still under the ten minutes from when I cast in the other room? MATT: You’re getting close to the tip of it– to the end of it. LIAM: Am I sensing anything? LAURA: (snickers) ASHLEY: Just the tip of it. LIAM: Find one thing you’re good at in life and do it for the rest of your life. (laughter) LAURA: I’m sorry. MATT: So what are you doing? LIAM: I’m going to scooch– well, no, I’m with Beau, so I’m asking if I sense anything of arcane nature. MATT: Nothing in the vicinity of the spiral staircase, no. LIAM: A retroactive question– no, never mind. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to pop a healing potion. LAURA: Oh, I can help you. You want me to heal you? SAM: I mean, I don’t want to impose, but I’m bleeding profusely. LAURA: I’m going to cast Cure Wounds. MATT: Level one? LAURA: Yes. ASHLEY: She cast it on me, too? LAURA: I did it on you, too. So that’s seven points of healing for you. ASHLEY: Tight. MATT: Seven points for Nott? Okay, cool. LAURA: Does that help? SAM: It helps. TALIESIN: Still 11 down. MATT: Are you guys staying in the staircase or are you emerging into the chamber? TRAVIS: I’m walking in. MATT: So you all begin to make your way inside this chamber. LIAM: Anything arcane before it dips out? MATT: Nothing arcane in nature that catches your attention immediately in a 30 foot distance. Are you heading into the chamber? LIAM: No. I’m behind Beau. MATT: Okay. Behind Beau, at the entrance way, you don’t feel any arcane presence. The rest of you begin to push past, and make your way into the chamber. And once again you see– MARISHA: Any ghosty globbies? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll looking for will-o’-wisps. MATT: That’d be perception checks from both you guys. With Yasha’s torch and the globes you have there, you don’t have disadvantage. LIAM: I’m dropping Frumpkin vision. MARISHA: Natural 20. LAURA: Yes! That’s real good. MATT: Natural 20. You? LAURA: Seven. LIAM: You’re also good. MATT: Okay, you notice a couple things. MARISHA: Okay! MATT: One, there is a relief in the center of the chamber, right before the wall collapse covers the floor built into the marble. It resembles two faces and one body in the center. Like one torso leads into two faces that look upward. Their eyes are gone, there’s circular empty sockets where the faces are and their emotionless expressions looking upward. Very thinly carved into the ground. MARISHA: On the ground? MATT: Yeah. Looking from above you can see it, but looking from the side it looks very strange because it’s a very flat carving. You see that in the center, ahead in the chamber. MARISHA: Okay. Are they like profiles, or are they front? MATT: No, they’re looking straight up. There’s two sockets to each, and they’re empty. MARISHA: Looking up, deadless? Okay. Copy. LAURA: Deadless? MARISHA and TRAVIS: Lifeless MATT: Yes. Deadless. Deadlifts, yes, they’re looking up from the deadlifts, it’s– MARISHA: Sorry. Absorbing a lot at once. Keep going. MATT: You do look to the right and left hand sides of the chamber, you can see all the shelves and inset areas where artwork would have been placed. You do see two upside down acorn-style alcoves that are mirroring each other on each side of the chamber. LAURA: Does that look like that shape? MATT: From this distance, you can’t see. They’re open. They’re maybe about a foot tall and empty in the inside. With the light source you have at the moment you can’t see anything inside of them. Looking above you, you do see a set of chains that are hanging from the ceiling that appear to be affixed to some sort of red clay urn or vase that is dangling above. MARISHA: I relay all of that, of course. MATT: Looking across the way in the rubble, because you rolled a natural 20, you see a faint glimmer of something metallic that catches the light of the torch occasionally as Yasha moves back and forth. LIAM: You point that out as well? MARISHA: I do. LIAM: Off of her first comment I would send one of the globules floating up to the ceiling to better illuminate what she’s pointed out. MATT: Okay. It looks to be some sort of vase or urn that is dangling from chains about 30 feet up. LAURA: How big? MATT: It’s about that tall. The full container. It’s like a reddish clay color to it. It looks fairly well made, but nothing ornamental, per se. It’s dangling from a chain on each side. The light lifts around it to inspect and reveal its coloration. LIAM: Was that 30 feet above us? Is there any space between the ceiling and the container? MATT: About a foot, foot and a half. There’s not much distance. It’s affixed to the ceiling right there. MARISHA: And we can see it– sorry. LIAM: No, you’re good. MARISHA: We can see a closer of the dome with the symbols on them? MATT: There’s no dome in here. MARISHA: Oh, we’re not there yet. Sorry. We’re just up the spiral staircase. MATT: You’re starting to enter the chamber, and there is no ceiling shapes or anything that resemble the previous chamber you were in. It comes to a– there is a slight curve to where the– MARISHA: I’m assuming it’s through the collapsed tunnel. Right. Okay. Got it. LIAM: Something metallic in the rubble. Vase above. MATT: Correct, and the two alcoves in the sides, the two pillars that are load bearing in the center of the chamber. LAURA: Do you want me to throw something up at the vase and try to knock it over? TRAVIS: No. Let’s see what’s on the other side of the room first. LIAM: Just to clarify your description. The container is being held from above? MATT: Correct. It is dangling from the ceiling. LIAM: Chains coming down? Or no, two chains from the ceiling. MATT: Just two chains from the ceiling that are holding it in place. MARISHA: That feels like that might be a trap. SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: Cool. I start walking towards the other side of the room. MATT: Okay. Fjord, you walk through, the relief on the ground ahead of you. And there is that weird source of metallic reflection that Beau had seen from across the way. LIAM: I’m going to scoot up behind Fjord and see if I can detect any arcane anything before the spell sniffs out. MATT: Okay. In the final throes of the spell, the source of that metallic shine does give a faint, arcane, magical aura before the spell fades. LIAM: What kind was it? MATT: For that one? It would be abjuration. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: I’m going to scoot around the side and see if I can peek into those holes. Those reliefs in the walls. MATT: The alcoves? SAM: Alcoves. MATT: Okay. You head over to the side alcove. Make an investigation check. SAM: 16. MATT: 16. You glance up inside, it’s about three and a half feet off the ground, and you have to climb and scurry up with your small goblin body. Looking inside, there is another clay urn of the same red color, that’s set about a foot and a half inside. LAURA: I’m going to get down on the ground. SAM: I will inform the others. TALIESIN: I’m going to go check out the other alcove. MATT: The other alcove also contains a similar clay– TALIESIN: Three red urns? LIAM: I catch Fjord by the arm. Be careful. Whatever is under there is something of protection. Something to keep us out, or to protect something. TRAVIS: The little metallic glimmer that we saw. Can we see? MATT: As you approach, you can see, buried in some of the rubble, a long brass or bronze rod of some kind. You only see about a foot of it sticking out from under the rubble. LAURA: Ayyyy. There’s a rod. TRAVIS: About a half inch in diameter, would you call it? MATT: You get a little closer and look down at it. It looks like it would be about a half inch in diameter, yeah. ASHLEY: What was underneath the urn in the ceiling? On the ground? MATT: On the ground? There’s nothing directly below it. LAURA: Where are the faces on the ground? MATT: You walk up to the faces? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You go over and sit over it, and you can see a well carved, robed figure. Male on one side and female on the other, but the same features. Like two sides of the same coin. Similar hairstyle. No coloration to it, but a white marble relief on the ground. The torsos merge and extend on the two sides, and they both sort of look up with the emotionless face. And where the eyes are they are vacant, circular holes about that big. MARISHA: Ooh. All of them? MATT: As you get closer and look, where the holes are vacant, its only about maybe a quarter inch deep. LAURA: Whoa! MATT: So they don’t go fully below, they’re like a quarter of an inch deep. LAURA: Should I stick something in these eyes? SAM: Maybe. ASHLEY: Is there any way to see what is in the urns? Like just have a peeksies. MATT: You come towards the urn. You have to pull it out slightly to look into it because the interior is too hard to see from this point. SAM: I’m going to get my crossbow ready to fire. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: Can I just, with my sword, just a little. MATT: Sure. You take your sword and wedge it out. It shifts forward a little bit and you look inside. It looks like there is ash in the urn. It’s only about halfway full. Make a perception check. ASHLEY: Uh-oh. Seven. MATT: All you see is ash inside the urn. ASHLEY: I think it’s trash. TRAVIS: These are trash urns? ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: Why would they put trash urns in these weird– ASHLEY: It’s garbage. TRAVIS: Can I try and move some of the rubble off of the bronze rod? MATT: Sure, start shifting some of the rock. Make a strength check. This would be athletics to do this. Athletics, sorry. TRAVIS: Okay. I think that’s a 15. MATT: Okay. You start shifting and pull the rocks off. The rod begins to coil. You start moving it and you pull and manage to pull it free from the stone. Some of the rocks falling down and stumbling to the side. You pull out a four and a half foot long rod that is straight towards the bottom for about a foot and then is in a tight coil to the very top where there is a small metallic knob at the very top. You pull it forth and it vibrates a little from the impact of pulling it out from under the stone, and then it comes to still in your hand. TRAVIS: Does it wobble? MATT: A little bit, very faintly. TRAVIS: Does it make any noise? MATT: No. TRAVIS: If I swing it harder, does it? LAURA: Don’t break it. MATT: You start swinging it. It makes a (air whipping) sound as you swing it around. LIAM: I think I would have noticed that the circus bouncer looking in the urn did not get blown up, but also looked a little puzzled. So I’m going to go over and take a look at the same thing. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a look at the other one. MATT: Okay. As you go to look in the other urn, you glance over at the urn that Yasha was turned away from, and you see this glowing fire emerge from the urn in her direction. Just this small, glowing orb begin to shift out of the urn right towards her back. SAM: Am I ready to fire? MATT: You are. You get to make an attack. TALIESIN: I’m going to start with one of my blades. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Okay. I’m going to shoot a crossbow bolt at that fire. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Natural 20. MATT: Oh shit. And that is a 19 against you Yasha. ASHLEY: Okay. Wait. Yeah, okay. MATT: Okay, do your damage. SAM: Okay. Is this sneak attack or no? I don’t even know what this creature is. LIAM: Yasha is right next to it. ASHLEY: Do I get a saving throw? MATT: No saving throw, but you do take 13 points of lightning damage. ASHLEY: I’m going to die. SAM: I deal 16 points of damage. LAURA: Wait, do you double it because it’s a critical? TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: I don’t know. LIAM: The dice are doubled. Not your modifiers, but the dice. SAM: Wow. Okay. That’s 28 points of damage. ASHLEY: That’s better. MATT: 28 points of damage. All right. SAM: All the dice are doubled? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Good god. MATT: So you actually take no damage, because he was holding his reaction and as soon as it emerges, he fires. You watch as the orb dissipates. The faint, little motes of energy shift and vanish on the outside of the urn. TALIESIN: I’m looking at the other urn. Is anything happening? MATT: You watch as another one begins to slowly emerge and another begins to emerge from the ceiling. I need you all roll initiative. MARISHA: Here we go. SAM: (shouting) No time to thank me. ASHLEY: Thank you. SAM: (shouting) No! No time! TALIESIN: Oh my god, really? ASHLEY: Oh my god. LIAM: I got another one for 826LA. TALIESIN: I rolled the same initiative. This is the worst initiative ever. MATT: You got Yasha off to this side, going this way. Nott, you’re not too far from there. Molly, you were off to the opposite side to look to the other edge. Caleb, where were you? LIAM: I was where Yasha was. I went over to look at her urn. MATT: That’s right. So you were over by Yasha. Fjord, you were over by where you found the object. Frumpkin was– ? LIAM: Frumpkin would have been just 15 feet into the chamber. MATT: Okay. And then Beau and Jester, where are you placed? MARISHA: I would be probably be in between Fjord and Caleb. LAURA: I was wherever those bodies where, because I was kneeling down and looking at them. MATT: Right. So that would be this relief right here, by Fjord’s. All righty. And you watch as Molly– actually Molly was making his way over there as this happened. And that one emerged. LAURA: It look like lightning corn on the cob. MATT: Another one shifts out of the urn that you just had one emerge from. SAM: It’s my own urn. MATT: That Nott has destroyed. It dissipated, then the small motes (fwoosh) back into the urn. LAURA: Oh no! It’s like never ending. ASHLEY: Now that I know it’s there. LAURA: It’s not a surprise, at least. ASHLEY: Not a surprise. MATT: So, going for initiative here folks. 25 to 20? MARISHA: 22. SAM: 22. MATT: Oh wow, all right. So we have Nott and Beau. All right, 20 to fifteen? TRAVIS: 17. MATT: 17. We got Fjord. All righty. 15 to ten? LAURA: 12. ASHLEY: 10. MATT: Jester and Yasha. All righty. Ten to five? TALIESIN: Seven. LIAM: Rolled one, which makes me a two. MATT: Oh, Caleb. LIAM: I love it. MATT: All right, the will-o’-wisps rolled a 26 for initiative. LAURA: These are the will-o’-wisps? ASHLEY: This is where we walked in from? MATT: Yes. That is the entrance where you walked in from. MARISHA: Little shits. MATT: So for their turn they vanish temporarily. MARISHA: They what? LIAM: They vanish. They’re gone. They’re fucking ghosts. TALIESIN: I’m trapped in that– well, never mind. Damn it. LAURA: Aren’t will-o’-wisps like kids? Aren’t they the spirits of children? MARISHA: Is that true? SAM: Is that true? Oh god, that is awful. LAURA: That’s what I learned in Quest for Glory: Shadows of Darkness. MATT: You would know this, but it’s different from story to story. It’s not necessarily the case here. So the three will-o’-wisps come back into visual range, and one’s going to be attacking Molly, one against Nott, and one against Beau. MARISHA: Copy. MATT: The one against Beau is going to be– that’s a nine. MARISHA: Nein. Miss. MATT: That’s a miss on you. It goes wide. There’s going to be one attacking you, Molly. That is going to be an 18 to hit. TALIESIN: Oh, that hits. MATT: That is eight points of lightning damage against you. Against you, Nott– that is a 22 to hit. You take 12 points of lightning damage. As these will-o’-wisps reach out and strike you, there’s a burst of energy as electricity, strangely, like undead, life-sucking energy, electricity begins to shoot through your body. You feel your muscles tense, your teeth and your jaw clench. And you break away and regain composure for a moment, but they seriously hurt you with a brief gliding by your essence. For the rest of their movement, this one is going to shift around this way. This one is going to go ahead and shift this way. This one is going to go ahead and move right there, to melee move Fjord. All right, first up we have Nott and Beau. MARISHA: Okay. You want to go first, girl? SAM: Sure! I will shoot towards (cocking sound). Is the one near Molly engaged with Molly? MATT: It is, yes. SAM: Okay. I will shoot at the one next to Molly. Not good, 12. MATT: 12? Does not hit, unfortunately. You fire towards and it (swooshing sound) just dodges out of the way, completely avoids the bolt, as it ricochets off the stonework in the distance. SAM: (cocking sound) Fire again, bonus action! Not much better. 15. MATT: 15. It manages to arc out of the way of the other one. Both bolts go wide from where its position is, striking the stone. No effect. LAURA: 15 didn’t hit them. MARISHA: 15 didn’t? Did you try to shoot it? SAM: Twice. MATT: Nott, are you going to move or stay there for your turn? SAM: No, I’m engaged, right? MATT: Yes. SAM: I’m going to say, (shouting) Help me! I’m going to die, I’m going to die! MATT: Beau, while this is happening, what are you doing? MARISHA: Okay, seeing Nott have a hard time, I’m going to pull out that holy water and I’m going to, like a confetti popper, I want to, right over its face, just break it. MATT: The one right in front of you? MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: All righty, go ahead and roll an attack with that. MARISHA: Just straight attack? MATT: It should be with your dexterity. MARISHA: With my dex, to throw it even though I’m not throwing it? SAM: What are you throwing? MARISHA: I’m not throwing–the holy water. I’m trying to break it with my hand and palm in its face. MATT: You’re not proficient with it, but it’s still your dex to hit with it. MARISHA: 12. MATT: A 12? Okay, that– pulling out a book here, thank you for your patience, (singing) holy water. MARISHA: Is it a dex saving throw? MATT: That’s a ranged attack against the target creature. Yeah, no. You try to smash it, but it ducks out of the way. Because you’re smashing it, it doesn’t hit the ground and shatter, so you still have it your hand. But you swing with it to try to break it over this entity, and it dodges out of the way. They are very quick. MARISHA: Okay. Do I still get my bonus attack? MATT: Because it was a ranged attack, sure. It’s stretching it a little bit, but I will let it happen. MARISHA: Natural 19. 25. MATT: 25 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Eight damage. MATT: Eight points of damage for that one. Nice. MARISHA: Do I punch a ghost? MATT: You do hit it, but it doesn’t take as much damage as you would expect. As you swing toward it, it gives resistance to your fist, and numbs it as you punch through it. It does react to the impact, but it’s not quite as impactful as you hoped a swing that strong should have been. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: You punched cotton candy. MATT: You did, kind of– stinging cotton candy. MARISHA: A little cold. MATT: Does that finish your turn? MARISHA: Yep. MATT: All righty. Finishing Beau and Nott’s go– Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I got a question. You said ten minutes on the boat as we were moving forward, ten minutes for him to cast detect magic, and another ten minutes for detect magic to run out, so it’s been about a half an hour? MATT: I’d say with searching around everything, it’s been closer to 45 minutes. TRAVIS: Okay, great. So my Armor of Agathys is still up? MATT: Your armor is still up. TRAVIS: So can I bonus-action Hex the glob– the wispy thing right next to me? MATT: Sure. There we go. TRAVIS: Nice. MATT: You’ve hexed it. TRAVIS: Great. Can I take swipe at it with the Wastehunter Blade? SAM: Wastehunter! TRAVIS: Wastehunter. That is 15 to hit. MATT: 15 to hit. You Hex it and as you swing your blade, (swooshing sound) it shimmies out of the way. Its light moves with sudden, rapid haste as soon as you try to strike towards it and dodges the blow entirely. TRAVIS: Wow! Can I use all of my 30 foot walking speed to run towards the door there where we came out of. MATT: All right. Ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. The one that was near you is going to go ahead and make an opportunity strike against you. MARISHA: Does that mean I get to make an opportunity strike against it? MATT: It made an attack that doesn’t include you, so yeah, technically. SAM: Wow! TRAVIS: That is the plan here. MATT: All right, so that is an 18 to hit you. TRAVIS: It hits. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: And it take ten points of cold damage. MATT: And you take ten points of lightning damage. TRAVIS: Beautiful. MARISHA: That’s okay, that’s okay. MATT: Cold damage, all right. So it takes– the cold does not seem to impact it as heavily as you would assume. It does hurt it, but it seems to be resistant from a lot of the forms of attacks that you are throwing in its direction. MARISHA: 21. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Another eight points. MATT: Another fist punch towards the will-o’-wisp impacts, but doesn’t seem to strike as strong as you hoped, but it’s still taking damage as it runs past. It shocks out at Fjord as Fjord runs by. Using your Sentinel feat to get your reaction hit off. TRAVIS: I’ve got that gold rod, by the way. I’m getting the fuck out of here. MARISHA: Yeah, go. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. As a bonus action, I’m going to cast Sanctuary on Nott. SAM: Oh, I feel so safe. MATT: That’s concentration or not? LAURA: It doesn’t say concentration. MATT: Okay, I’ll pull it up. LAURA: It doesn’t have that on the– MATT: Sanctuary is not concentration. LAURA: They have to make a wisdom save if they attack her. Then as an action, I’m going to use my cantrip of Sacred Flame. MATT: Against which one? LAURA: The one next to Molly. MATT: Next to Molly. That’s a wisdom save? LAURA: No, it’s a dex save. MATT: That is a 23. LAURA: It definitely saves. MATT: It ducks out of the way before the Sacred Flame bursts into the air, hitting nothing. You get the sense through all these attacks that these things are very quick. That end your turn, Jester? That brings us to Yasha. SAM: Come on, Yasha! Hurt them with your strength! ASHLEY: I’m going to get a little closer to the one that’s near Nott. MATT: With your greatsword– ASHLEY: Pulled out, so I would like to rage. You can use reckless while you’re raging? MATT: Reckless attacks? Yeah. TRAVIS: Which means you roll with advantage, but they get advantage on you. ASHLEY: Okay, that’s fine. LIAM: (singing) Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me! ASHLEY: I want to get this all figured out so we won’t always have question time. Can I also use Divine Fury? MATT: Divine Fury? Yeah, that’s part of your thing, so all that happens at the same time. Your first attack every round. ASHLEY: So I roll twice? MATT: You roll twice, take the higher of the two. TALIESIN: Wow! LIAM: Go for that natural 20! ASHLEY: 25? MATT: 25 definitely hits. You do the damage from your sword. ASHLEY: Ah! What do I– MATT: The greatsword is 2d6 plus your strength modifier, which is three? Plus your rage modifier, which is two? That’s plus five to whatever you roll, plus your Divine Fury damage. LIAM: Fucking muscle wizards. ASHLEY: Plus what? Say again? MATT: Whatever you roll, plus five. Ten, plus your Divine Fury. ASHLEY: Which is another d6, plus half– SAM: Just pull out another d6. ASHLEY: I don’t want to. (counting) 18. MATT: Well, how much radiant damage is that? TRAVIS: Plus half your barbarian level? LAURA: She rolled six. ASHLEY: The damage that I chose was necrotic. Six plus half my barbarian level, which would be two, so 18 damage. MATT: You rush forward, rage, giant swing down with your blade. You watch this burst of dark necrotic energy come crackling out of the blow. It hits, and you watch as it flickers for a second, and pulls itself back together. It’s wounded, but it seems to be shrugging off some of the impact barely. You want to stay where you are? ASHLEY: Bonus attack? Not bonus, but do I have a bonus? Can I do Healing Hands on Nott? MATT: You bonus raged, unfortunately. ASHLEY: Oh, that’s your bonus. Copy that. Got it. MATT: That’s your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yep, that’s my turn. Wait– yes, I’m going to stay there. TALIESIN: I know what these things are. MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Do I understand what’s happening, with why they’re going back to the pots, to whatever’s in the pots? MATT: You’re not entirely certain, but you do notice, glancing about, that they seem to be emerging from them. TALIESIN: I’m actively tracking these at this point, I would imagine, so I can’t be surprised anymore. MATT: Right. TALIESIN: All right. Can I scoot around the– I assume the clay pot is on the other side of that will-o’-wisp right now? MATT: It is. TALIESIN: I’m going to scoot around to that side. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to take my first shot at the will-o’-wisp as I’m dancing around it. MATT: All righty. You swing wide with your first. TALIESIN: Yeah, let’s see if this hits. 17? MATT: 17 does not hit. TALIESIN: My god, really?! MATT: You swing your blade and it ducks out of the way. These are quick little fuckers! TALIESIN: I’m going to take my bonus action, and I’m going to break the pot. MATT: Okay. Swing. SAM: Taliesin hates pot! TALIESIN: Yes, I do. 11 points. MATT: 11 is enough. It’s a stationary object. So roll damage on it. TALIESIN: All right, that’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. You bring the blade in and strike into the alcove, and as you yank it out with the blade, you cut it halfway through the air. The actual urn bisects, sending ash clouding into the air around you, and you watch as the will-o’-wisp (pfft). SAM: Oh! Why don’t we do that with all of them? MARISHA: Nice! That’s what we do! TRAVIS: Nice, dude, nice. MATT: The urn clatters to the ground. The top of it breaks, the second half hits with a heavy thud sound that’s different from the sound of the clay that shatters on the ground. That finishes your turn? TALIESIN: Other than that I’m going to take a look at it down below, to see if there’s anything in there that’s weird. MATT: I’ll say you have to wait until next round. You reach around and finish that whirling dervish action. LAURA: I should have thrown something at the vase! SAM: Yeah! MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Caleb does what that bearded dude in the GIF does, going– seeing that happen, and I cast Scorching Ray myself, and I will send one ball of fire at the next pot. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: The one on the roof? LIAM: No, the other one besides that. MATT: The one in this alcove there that’s right across the way? LIAM: Yeah. That is– oh, jeez. Everything changed for me. So that is perception plus– not perception. Intelligence modifier, which is five plus seven. So that is an 18 to hit. MATT: 18 hits, yeah. Roll damage on that one. LIAM: Okay, that’s 2d6 for a damage of seven. MATT: Seven. That urn explodes on the inside of the alcove as the streaking, hot Scorching Ray slams into the clay, causing the top half of it to detonate. The bottom half of the clay cracks, and the bottom still remains in place, the ash clouding out of it. The one– LIAM: So that did not get destroyed, then, it got damaged? MATT: This will-o’-wisp flickers out. It had been heavily damaged already, and that amount of scattering of the ash caused it to flicker and disintegrate. The bottom of the urn is still holding itself in place, the top half scattered and broken. LIAM: That was just one, so I continue to wrap my hand around, and a second one shoots out at the one in the ceiling. That is a natural 18. MATT: That hits. Roll damage on that one. LIAM: Yeah. That is an eight. MATT: Eight? It shatters and breaks. The ash comes clouding down like the slight drizzle of soft dust and ash. This will-o’-wisp vanishes into the space. TRAVIS: Ugh, it’s in my eyebrows! LIAM: The other one shoots up in the air and lands two feet behind me, just goes (explosion). SAM: Whoa, so cool! MATT: As you’re three-point landing there, Caleb– LIAM: No, I’m standing! MATT: Standing, but hurling a– (laughter) As you stand there, the explosion behind from the Scorching Ray, as the bottom half of the urn from the ceiling– (tinging, rolling) LIAM: Oh shit, that’s hot! SAM: That was amazing! TALIESIN: I’m going to pick up the bottom half of that, and I’m going to examine, immediately, what I’ve got. MATT: All right. And we’ll come back to that after our break because it’s just after nine o'clock. So we’ll take a quick break here and be back here in just a moment, guys. Hold tight. In the meantime, we do have another Wyrmwood giveaway. We have a black poisonwood Hero Vault that we’re giving out this time. Nice dark wood one. You can keep your minis, you can keep your dice, you can keep all sorts of things inside the small space here. If all of you want to come over into Twitch chat to enter this, you can only enter the word once. More than once and you will be disqualified. Once again, this is only for US residents and Canadian residents, outside of Quebec. The code word for tonight is “river.” So come on over, enter that into the chat, and we’ll come back with a winner at the break! We’ll see you guys in a minute. [break] MATT: Hello, and welcome back everybody! Glad we can join… us. Before we get back into the story, we have a winner. The winner for tonight’s giveaway is TheMostJost! TRAVIS: TheMostJost! MATT: You are the most jostiest Jost, and as such, being the most jostest, TheMostJost, you win. Congratulations, we’re going to get that black poisonwood Hero’s Vault to you, so congrats. The brief burst of adrenaline has begun to fade from your bodies, your muscles tense, slowly beginning to relax. The urn shattered, the chamber now still and quiet. No seeming flickering flame of undead energy or source in the vicinity. What do you want to do? LAURA: Those guys were so stupid. They could have broken the vases. How dumb are they? MARISHA: I know. I don’t feel so bad for making fun of them now. I feel like maybe we were hard on them, but now I don’t think we were. TRAVIS: No, I don’t think so either. They’re fucking ceramic pottery pieces. SAM: I’m desperately injured. LAURA: You want me to try to heal you? SAM: No. Again, I don’t want to impose. LAURA: I’ll try to heal you. SAM: If you’re offering, I’ll take it, but I am definitely bleeding from my eyes. LAURA: I’m going to cast, at a 2nd-level, Cure Wounds, because Nott seems like she’s dying. LIAM: Don’t strain a hammy. LAURA: Goddamn it! Really? MATT: Is that a one? LAURA: One and a two. MATT and SAM: Aw. LAURA: I could’ve cast it at 1st-level! Damn it! You still only got fucking seven points of fucking healing! SAM: I feel guilty for having needs! TALIESIN: I was going to say, Yasha, maybe? SAM: Oh wait, I could’ve just– we could have rested and I could’ve used hit dice. LAURA: Goddamn it! TRAVIS: We should rest right now. ASHLEY: Can I dig through one of the ashes? The urn? LAURA: I just wasted one of my 2nd-levels y'all! MARISHA: Okay, we can keep going. TRAVIS: We’re still resting. ASHLEY: Still garbage? MATT: You and Molly are doing this, if I recall, before we entered the break. The base of each urn, the lower half of it, is actually a metal-lined bottom. Looking on the inside, as you scoop out the ash, (blowing) get it to empty the space, you can see, very faintly on the inside of the metal, very faint carvings matching the symbols you have seen in the previous room. SAM: Oh, shit! LAURA: Which room? Let’s take the piece of metal down! Wait, does each of the urns have a different one? MATT: Each of the urns has all eight symbols in it. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: At this point, we should be able to see the things that the very perceptive people saw, which was two faces, eyes with holes in them in the middle– MATT: Yes. LIAM: In this room? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Should we do it in this room? TRAVIS: Are the eye holes about the size of gold coins? MATT: Roughly. TRAVIS: I’ll take two gold coins and put them in both of the eyes on one of the faces. MATT: On the faces? Okay. You take two gold coins out, and you place them roughly, and they both fit into the eyes of one face. TRAVIS: I’ll do that to the other two eyes in the other face. MATT: Okay. As you place them, as soon as they occur in there, the relief opens in half and you fall. Make a dexterity saving throw. ASHLEY: Whoopsies. TRAVIS: Was not anticipating that. MARISHA: For the boatman. TRAVIS: He always gets his due. LIAM: Mama, put the coins in my eyes because I sure do not believe what I am seeing. TRAVIS: That’s an eight. MATT: That’s an eight! SAM: As he falls, I throw a piece of feather and I cast Feather Fall on him. MARISHA: Holy shit, that’s awesome! MATT: That’s a reaction. What’s the range on that? SAM: 60 feet. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. Fjord suddenly begins to disappear, the floor going out underneath. This looks of fear comes over his eyes as Nott barely releases the spell in time, and Fjord goes from plummeting to gently falling. You glide down, and you look down below you into the darkness. You descend ten, 15, 20– MARISHA: Beau hollers out: Hey, I think you figured out that puzzle! TALIESIN: We should probably put a light in there. LIAM: Caleb doesn’t say anything or move at all, but he’s thoroughly impressed with Nott, by the way. TRAVIS: Yep. Me too. MATT: About 30 feet down, you see something rapidly coming up below you. Looks like a floor or a surface, though it is somewhat amorphous and jumbled that it looks hard to see any sort of shape to it. TRAVIS: Are things moving? LIAM: I will send two of my globules down after him. MATT: Okay. With your low light vision, looking down below, eventually your feet land. It’s soft and crunchy as your feet land. You glance down and the smell gets you immediately. It’s a heavy smell of decay, of dust, and ash. You look down below and your are sunken into a pile of long-rotting clothing. Occasionally, your foot hits something that cracks, and you can see some charred bones that remain within. LAURA: Charred? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: This is how they clean the room. LIAM: How far down is that? Does everybody see? MATT: It’s about 30-35 feet down. ASHLEY: I’m going to take a rope out of my bag and wrap it around a pillar. MATT: Okay. You take it and tie it off to the side. LAURA: Fjord, do you see anything cool down there? TRAVIS: Yeah. There’s a bunch of old clothes. It smells awful down here. LAURA: Does anybody have weapons or coins on them? TRAVIS: I haven’t really looked. I still got this damn bronze rod with me, too, so I got to find my way out of here. LAURA: We’ll get you out. Just look for something cool, though. ASHLEY: Can I throw the torch down there? MATT: Yeah. As you– ASHLEY: Fjord. MATT: You hear your name and you look up just as the torch– TRAVIS: Okay! MATT: You reach up and try and grab it. Catch it, (fumbling). MARISHA: Let it fall! TRAVIS: Falls in the clothes, I start burning alive. SAM: A rope? LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: We already have a rope down. ASHLEY: I put a rope down. TRAVIS: Can I look around, see if there are any weapons or objects? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: Caleb is travelling down the rope that Yasha dropped. TRAVIS: Oh. That’s great. Natural 19. That’s a 21. MATT: 21?! You guys hear the sound of shifting and clattering of material and bone-like objects against each other and the stone side of the chamber. You, Fjord, begin to pour through. You’re tugging through the clothing that’s here has been slowly rotting over time, the material coming apart. As you pull it apart, you see the tunics and the pantaloons, and all the different pieces of clothing that are in here pull apart almost as your fingers go into it. There’s no remaining flesh. The decay smell is not fresh decay. It’s old, stagnant, long past sealed decay. As you pull through, you do find some pieces of silver and gold jewelry. They’re tucked in pockets of some of this clothing. You can see one skeletal wrist that has this really nice-looking bracelet with a chain that goes around the center finger but the bone is snapped off, and the bone itself is still charred black around most sides. Only a little bit of grayish white peeks through in places as you rub your finger over it. There are some pieces of jewelry here that’s probably worth a little bit of money. Because you rolled that high, you also pull through, in one of the pockets, you can see a small leather case about that wide, with the lid that’s burnt. As you pull it, it tears off entirely. Looking inside, there’s a very thin, diamond shaped vial. You pull it out and shake it. It has a stopper on it that looks either a rubber or a coated cork that is buttoned on one side that is built into the actual crystal container’s cap. You watch it, swish around, holding the torch up to it, it has a brackish dark brown/black tint to it like thick sludge pond water. LIAM: I would’ve gotten down the rope at this point, and seeing Fjord examine that, I cast Detect Magic instantly. MATT: Okay. It is definitely magical. LIAM: Okay. What kind? ASHLEY and LAURA: What kind? LIAM: I’m allowed to know. It’s in the book. LAURA: You can ask nicely. MATT: I would say abjuration. LIAM: What’s in the fucking potion, Matt? MATT: You have to identify it to find out. TRAVIS: Okay. I’ll take some of the nice jewelry and stuff like that and the little vial. Are there any other doors or entrances or shoots? MATT: No. It ends here. There is a pit and you finally reached the bottom after pulling through. You’ve probably gone through about 40 or so equivalent outfits. LIAM: Does Detect Magic uncover anything else besides what he’s already looking through? MATT: No. Just the vial that he discovered. LAURA: Everybody else was resting up top while– TALIESIN: Oh yeah, short rest. MAISHA: Ooh, can we do that? MATT: If you guys want to take a short rest, about an hour or so to take a moment and take a breather. Use your hit dice. LIAM: Oh, an hour. LAURA: It’s okay because I don’t get my spells back with rests, so that’s really good that I used it and everything. SAM: I appreciate it. LIAM: Fjord, hold that up for me so I can tell you what it is. I will spend the next 10 minutes, with Fjord sitting in front of me and me looking at it and doing the ritual. MATT: Well, you guys haven’t taken a short rest yet. They’re taking a short rest. You can go upstairs if you want to. LIAM: You want to rest first or do you want me to tell you what it is now? TRAVIS: You can tell me what it is now. LIAM: Okay, so 10 minutes that takes. Identify. MATT: All right, that is a potion of necrotic resistance. LIAM: Well, I don’t have it. You have it. TRAVIS: “When you drink this potion, you gain resistance to necrotic damage for one hour.” Nice. Cool. MARISHA: Whenever we get done with the short rest, can Beau start peeking through and digging away at the collapsed entrance into that tunnel? MATT: Okay. Make an athletics check. SAM: I sewed my thumb back on. MATT: Okay. Ten minutes pass. You guys climb back up out of the pit? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay. You guys head up and join. The rest of them are going to be resting for the next 45 or so minutes. You can join them if you want them to wait for you as well. TRAVIS: I’d like to, yeah. MATT: Okay. You guys complete a short rest as well. Go for it. LIAM: Arcane recovery. MATT: While you guys are finishing that up, Beau is rummaging through the rubble. MARISHA: It wasn’t good. Six. Slow going. MATT: You spend about 30 minutes or so, and you maybe get about two feet into the rubble, and you’re not sure how far back it goes. A lot of the stones now you’re getting to are now too big for you to move. MARISHA: Was there a little crawl space at the top that we could crawl through? MATT: No. The ceiling caved in on that side. MARISHA: Well. It’s just me and I rolled shitty. MATT: All right. You guys have all taken your time to short rest– SAM: We’ve also discovered that Ashley has more dice than Laura, apparently. ASHLEY: No, I don’t! SAM: What is this? What is this gigantic box of dice? ASHLEY: Listen, she has a whole duffel bag. SAM: Yeah, but she doesn’t use those. These are all active for tonight! ASHLEY: Listen! I like to have all my options. MATT: Exactly. LAURA: Yeah! SAM: This is terrible. ASHLEY: It’s not all my fault. TALIESIN: I believe in you. This is fine. ASHLEY: Thank you. LAURA: She needs better organization. ASHLEY: I need better organization. LAURA: You got to divide them out. TRAVIS: Shall we make our way back downstairs to see what this rod does in the little hole? SAM: I thought we were supposed to turn the ceiling from up here, no? TALIESIN: How big are the bevels, that have the relief of the 12–? MATT: They’re about that big in the bottom, and about a heavy bowl size. LAURA: I think the corkscrew’s going to stick in the hole and move the whole room or something. LIAM: Yeah, the eyes were for uncovering all that death underneath our feet. MARISHA: The ceiling is through here and it’s blocked by a bunch of rubble. We can try and dig through it if we think something should be up there. SAM: No, we should use the stairs. MARISHA: All right. MATT: So what are you guys doing? TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re going to go back downstairs. LAURA: We can try to move some of the rubble? MARISHA: I’ve been, like small boulders. I’ve been (struggling). MATT: So you’re taking the rod, and you guys are heading downstairs? TALIESIN: And the bowls. MATT: Using the bowls as well. Okay. You have the three urn vases. TALIESIN: Mm–hmm. Clean them off a bit. LIAM: Fjord, you can, of course, stick that thing in the hole in that bottom room if you want, but if you like, my man Schmidt could do it, with little risk to the rest of us. If you like. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. Give him a shot. LIAM: We should all stand back. Better safe than sorry. LAURA: Do we know which way we’re turning everything now? TRAVIS, TALIESIN, and LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, everybody knows it already. SAM: I don’t know. It seems like they know, they decided without us. LAURA: But why did you decide the way that you’re saying it? LIAM: Well look here, now that we’re back peering through the doorway at this. We have this star on that corner, and if you would rotate– we don’t know what we’re rotating is the thing. TRAVIS: We’re hoping that we’ll get it to turn. MARISHA: If the thing goes two clicks– correct, it goes there. LIAM: We’re saying that’s the idea because there’s a diamond to a diamond, and a star to a star, and a triangle of dots to that triangle. LAURA: Yeah I like the way you guys think, that sounds smart. SAM: So smart. LIAM: Well I bumped up to 20. LAURA: So that’s evocation you guys, and divination, and necromancy. LIAM: Edubation. It’s critical. MARISHA: So wait, divination, evocation, necromancy. SAM: That’s dead things, good things, and in-between things? MARISHA: And elemental things, right? Isn’t evocation– LIAM: Evocation is destruction. MARISHA: Fire, lightning, elemental things. MATT: You guys descend the staircase, find your way to the base floor. You head to the hallway where you had previously disabled the traps and carefully step across each threshold without issue, they still remain disabled. SAM: I did that. MATT: You make your way into the central octagonal chamber. What would you like to do? LIAM: I’m casting, in an instant, Unseen Servant. Schmidt is here with us. MATT: Schmidt appears, unseen. LIAM: Fjord, hold out your magic whatsit there. I command Fjord to give that to Schmidt, Schmidt takes it. TRAVIS: I refuse your command and I give it to Schmidt willingly. LIAM: The spell runs out– (laughter) LIAM: I ask Schmidt to insert the spirally staff into the Laura Bailey hole in the center of the dais. MATT: You watch as the rod gingerly drifts over to the center place, slips in, locks into place. MARISHA: Something bad might happen once we turn this, so be on guard. LIAM: It is true, that’s why we’re hanging back behind the door. Do we think we should go clockwise or counter-clockwise? TRAVIS: Counter-clockwise. LIAM: Schmidt, please revolve that staff counter-clockwise please. MATT: Nothing moves. LIAM: Well, try it clockwise then, Schmidt. MATT: Nothing moves. LIAM: Well, that’s a lot of bollocks then. LAURA: Maybe it’s got to be a real person. Maybe you have to cast a spell that has to do with the class of magic! TALIESIN: I’ve got an idea. I’m going to start rocking upstairs. TRAVIS: Rocking upstairs? TALIESIN: I’m walking upstairs. MARISHA: I’m going to join Molly, I think someone needs to be upstairs. You guys stay. MATT: Molly, you have the bowls right? TALIESIN: I have the bowls. MATT: Beau and Molly head back up the stairs. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a look at that purple– is there only one of those little purple glowing rocks that seems to be creating light? MATT: As you look going through, you see there are a few other stone cages that have been opened and left empty. That is one that has not been removed. TALIESIN: I’m going to open it and I will– I’m going to poke at it to see if it seems trapped or anything. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. TALIESIN: All right. 16. MATT: Does not appear to be trapped. TALIESIN: I’m going to open it and grab the stone out. MATT: Make a strength check to try and wedge it from the stone it’s attached to. TALIESIN: That’s a six. MATT: (grunting) It’s not budging. Your lithe tiefling form is not quite sturdy enough to pull it from the stone. LIAM: Dance it out of there. TALIESIN: Beau! MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Can you punch this? MARISHA: I got you one better. I’ll shove in my staff and push against the pillar and use it as leverage, see if I can pry it open. MATT: Okay. Yeah, I’ll give you that. Make a dexterity check. Finding the proper point of leverage to push on. MARISHA: Ooh, natural 18. 22. MATT: The metal actually unhinges and the stone plummets out, you catch it. MARISHA: You see this is like a simple– sorry, it’s like a simple tool. Sorry, I drooled a little. TALIESIN: Is that your new nickname? MARISHA: What? TALIESIN: Simple tool. MARISHA: You know what? That’s fair, I’ll take that. That was a good one. TALIESIN: Well, you did do this. I won’t tell anyone, come on. MARISHA: It was a good jab. TALIESIN: We walk back down with it. Beau retrieved this, maybe? We’ve got a glowing rock. I’m going to put it in the room, see if anything happens. MATT: No reaction. TALIESIN: We’ve got these bowls, I’m going to put the bowls, gingerly, I’m going to put one of the bowls on one of the symbols to see what happens. MATT: Okay, which symbol? TALIESIN: Put it– middle of the star. MATT: Okay. Place it in the middle of the star. The metal bowl sits there, the fine engravings of all the symbols on the inside of each bowl don’t seem to react. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and move the bowl to match the engravings in the ceiling. MATT: Okay, you have three bowls, and each bowl contains all eight symbols in the inside, so it’s hard to match them per se. LAURA: Cast a spell on one of the bowls! SAM: Why don’t we try a person to use the rod first before we start wasting spells? TRAVIS: Yeah okay, I’ll walk up and I’ll grab the rod. SAM: You’re weak, shouldn’t we use a strong person? MATT: The rod doesn’t shift. TRAVIS: It doesn’t move. MATT: You move it the other way and it comes out, you have to put it back in and lock it into place, but it doesn’t seem to shift or move. TALIESIN: What’s the the top of the rod again? The top of that little spiral. MATT: It’s a small little metallic knob at the end. TALIESIN: I’m going to examine it, anything interesting about it? Just a small metallic knob? MATT: Best you can look at it, it doesn’t have any markings on it or anything unique, it’s just a solid round knob end. TALIESIN: Like a lightning rod? MATT: Something like that. SAM: Yasha, you’re strong. Why don’t you go try and twist the thing? ASHLEY: All right, I’ll give it a try. MATT: You spend a good two minutes shifting on the rod the opposite direction where it locks. No movement. TRAVIS: Do we think we need to cast unique spells into those bowls for each of the three schools of magic? Which is what Jester said. MARISHA: We heard you. LAURA: (angrily) No, it’s fine! TRAVIS: I’m trying to figure out, how do you cast necrotic damage on a bowl? LAURA: I don’t know, I could Inflict Wounds on it or something, or Toll the Dead on the bowl. TRAVIS: You want to Inflict Wounds on one of them? LAURA: Well no, I’m going to use a cantrip because it’s better. So I’m going to Toll the Dead on– SAM: What is it? Evocation? LAURA: Necrotic, divination, and evocation. So I’ll try to Toll the Dead on one of the bowls, the one that is sitting on the diamond. MATT: You cast Toll the Dead. The dark arcane energy from Toll the Dead begins to gather around the hand of Jester, and as you release the spell you watch this burst of necrotic energy siphon back and immediately attach itself to the very top of this metallic rod. (cheering) MATT: It’s absorbed and there’s a moment of pause before you feel (banging sound). TALIESIN: Let’s do the other two. LAURA: Wait, is it turning? MATT: You hear a shifting of stone– this faint slithering sound begins to fill the chamber. TRAVIS: Other two! Or maybe not. MATT: The slithering stops. (booming) You watch as your eyes catch something shift above you. That large square pillar that was locked in the ceiling, that dome underneath it opened up and a strange, translucent, cube-like creature comes descending from the center. I need you guys all to roll initiative. (yelling) LIAM: Not a gelatinous cube! TRAVIS: Did we pick the form of our killer? LIAM: A gelatinous cube! MARISHA: Wait, but you did necromantic, right? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Oh shit! SAM: Wait, if we had picked a different magic would a different monster– TRAVIS: I think so. MARISHA: Maybe it’s a trial, maybe we have to fight all of them! LIAM: We might need to do all three at the same time? MATT: (impact) (screaming) LIAM: Guys, fucking focus! Focus! MARISHA: I’m going to use my boots at this point. LAURA: See, this is why I shouldn’t have used my spell! LIAM: No more dick jokes! Focus on the cube. LAURA: That wasn’t a dick joke! SAM: Everything’s a dick joke with you, Laura. MATT: All right, guys. So let me pull out the gelatinous cube stat block here. LIAM: This is dangerous! MATT: That is a super low initiative. That is a zero initiative for the gelatinous cube. Four minus four. Initiative, 25 to 20. LAURA: 20. LIAM: 21! MATT: Nice! Caleb coming around, finally. Then Jester. 20 to 15. TALIESIN: Crickets. MARISHA: 20 to 15? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Negative, no. MATT: 15 to ten? MARISHA and ASHLEY: 12. MARISHA: Sentinel bitches! MATT: Beau and Yasha. Ten to five? TRAVIS: Seven. TALIESIN: Eight. SAM: Seven. LAURA: I don’t know, how do you fight a gelatinous cube? LIAM: You die. ASHLEY: I don’t want to! MARISHA: They suck you up. LAURA: I know! MARISHA: It’s bad. LAURA: But I don’t know how to defeat them! MARISHA: I don’t know! MATT: As it slid into the ground, it completely consumed the rod and immediately begins to move its way forward ever so slowly in your direction of the cluster group. That being the case, top of the round we have Caleb, you’re first. By the way, where do you want your kitty? LIAM: Frumpkin, or–? MATT: Frumpkin. LIAM: Frumpkin can be, oh jeez, right behind me is fine. MATT: There you go. What are you doing? LIAM: I’m going to use all my movement to move back towards the doorway as best I can. MATT: Over here? LIAM: Ja. As I am doing so, I am pulling a small clay cat paw out of my hand. I mutter a few arcane words and I cast Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp. A wad of soil forms out the ground and a cat’s paw rises up and reaches out and swats at the gelatinous cube. MATT: All right, so it makes a strength saving throw. LIAM: Ja, that’s correct, against my DC of 15. MATT: Natural one. (cheering) TRAVIS: Number five tonight? MATT: Yep. LIAM: On a failed save the target takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage, so that is a seven and it’s restrained for the spell’s duration. So it attacks at disadvantage and you attack at advantage. TRAVIS: Great. MARISHA: We attack at advantage? For how long? LIAM: There is a giant, earthen cat’s claw holding it on the corner. TRAVIS: Zero speed, or slow speed? SAM: It can be restrained, that thing? LAURA: Can it? By magic, maybe. MATT: Yeah, magic holds it in place. TRAVIS: So it’s zero speed, it doesn’t go anywhere? LIAM: Restrained, it’s the restrained condition. MATT: Correct, yep, for the spell’s duration. LAURA: How long does the spell last? MATT: One minute. (cheering) MARISHA: Is it concentration? LIAM: Yes, it is. MARISHA: Don’t break that concentration! MATT: This giant cat paw has grasped around and is holding the cube in place, its claws dug into it, made of earth and dirt and stone. LIAM: I have a question, is there any light in here at all? MATT: Aside from the torch that Yasha has, no. LIAM: Okay so there’s dim light then, from the torch. MATT: There is, yeah. LIAM: Because my globules are gone. MATT: Yes, they are very gone. Well, the torch has been your main light source since you– LIAM: That’s correct, thank you. Okay. And then I sit. SAM: You’re going to sit on the floor? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: You want Frumpkin to move anywhere? LIAM: Say again? MATT: Frumpkin’s still back here. LIAM: Frumpkin can do whatever. Frumpkin will run towards Jester and get between– where’s Nott? MATT: Nott is over there. LIAM: Frumpkin will stand between Jester and the cube. MATT: All righty, that ends Caleb’s turn. Jester, you’re up. TRAVIS: Is this considered a monstrosity? MATT: No, it is not. It is considered an ooze. TRAVIS: An ooze? MARISHA: Jell-o! LAURA: I’m going to back up away from it. ASHLEY: Kill the box, Jester. LAURA: I’m going to use the Sacred Flame cantrip because I figure it’s not very dextrous. LIAM: Everybody has advantage on attack rolls. MATT: That is going to be a three. What’s the damage on that? LAURA: It’s a 1d8 radiant damage. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Six! MATT: Six points of radiant damage. As this flame bursts at the side of it, part of it jello-wiggles for a second. LAURA: Did it look like it did anything to it? MATT: It looked like it hurt it maybe, but it just looks like it’s a big gelatinous cube. TALIESIN: The radiant didn’t seem to have an extra effect then? MATT: No, it did not. TALIESIN and LAURA: Okay. MATT: Does that finish your turn? LAURA: Yes. MATT: All right, end of Jester’s turn. Beau and Yasha, you guys are up. LIAM: Beauyasha. Do it up. ASHLEY: Lady. MARISHA: Do we just slap jello? ASHLEY: I think. MARISHA: I’m going to do a full-on– LIAM: Jello shots! MARISHA: Yeah, doing a full-on jello shot. MATT: Moving into it to assault it? Go for it. MARISHA: That’s good, that’s an 18! Plus six, so 24? MATT: That definitely hits. MARISHA: Seven plus four, 11. MATT: 11 points of damage? LIAM: You did it at advantage? MARISHA: No. LIAM: Go for the 20! MARISHA: Okay, I’ll go for the 20, in case I roll a natural 20. I did not roll a natural 20. MATT: So 11 points of damage with your hit as you slam it with the side of your staff. It shivers and shakes at the impact and your staff slides through and barely emerges through the opposite side of it, seemingly closing around and reforming where the gap was carved through. MARISHA: Does it feel like I did some damage? MATT: Maybe. MARISHA: Okay, I’ll take my bonus and whack. Or you know what? Yeah, I’m going to whack it. MATT: All right, so you’re going to punch it. SAM, LAURA, and MARISHA: Slap that jello. TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Slap-a the bass! MARISHA: That’s good! That’s 21. LAURA: Is there something in it? LIAM: Yeah, bones. MARISHA: Six damage. TRAVIS: There is something in it! MATT: Six damage, all right. As you sock it with your fist, it quakes. As you pull your hand back, your whole hand goes numb. SAM: Oh no. MATT: All feeling is lost from almost partway down your arm, and you’re like, oh, that’s– MARISHA: It’s like that pins and needles thing? ASHLEY: It’s a weird feeling? MARISHA: Yeah, like, dead arm. It’s a little dead. TALIESIN: Are you staying next to it or you– LAURA: Back away from it. What if a tentacle comes out of it or something? MARISHA: Where’s Yasha? ASHLEY: Your right. MARISHA: Can I go around near Frumpkin and flank it? MATT: You can move around– MARISHA: That’s good. That’s fine. LIAM: Don’t step on my cat. MATT: All righty. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. I’m going to rage? I would like to rage. Well wait, maybe I don’t really need to do that because we have advantage anyway. TALIESIN: Yeah, you don’t need to. LAURA: There’s no harm in raging. ASHLEY: Divine Fury. MATT: Are you moving in to assault it? ASHLEY: Yep. LAURA: Assault it! ASHLEY: I’m going to do that again. LAURA: Advantage. She has advantage because– MATT: Oh, right. Because the– ASHLEY: Eight! MATT: Still hits. ASHLEY: It still hits?! LAURA: It’s a cube! MATT: It’s not hard to hit. It’s a giant, quivering cube. Roll damage. 2d6 plus five plus your 1d6 plus two, I think? LAURA: Did she get– oh, nevermind. MATT: 3d6 plus seven. ASHLEY: 17. SAM: Because it’s her strength? LAURA: No, it’s more than that! ASHLEY: It is? LAURA: Here’s ten, plus five, 15. MATT: 15 plus two for rage, three for strength, and plus two for your– ASHLEY: 17. TRAVIS: 22, 24. ASHLEY: Yeah. Wait. 21. MATT: 21 points of damage. As you carve through, you actually watch a corner of it slide off and turn to sludge and water on the ground. Your blade cuts through a section of it and (wet wobbling sound). ASHLEY: Nothing. MATT: No, it hurt it. LAURA: 22. ASHLEY: It did? SAM: You did great! ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: Way to go, Yasha! ASHLEY: But what– I don’t see anything happening! TRAVIS: It’s a big cube of sludge. ASHLEY: Did it change shape at all? MATT: No, it’s still cubic. You carved through a portion of it. All right, does that finish your turn? ASHLEY: I’m going to back up a little bit. MATT: All right, so you want to back up a little bit? As you pull back a little bit, it gets one swing at you with a pseudopod. Part of it– LIAM: At disadvantage! MATT: –(sploosh) swings out at you– yes, it does. MARISHA: And I hit it with Sentinel! MATT: You do. LIAM and MARISHA: At advantage! MATT: It rolled pretty well for having disadvantage. That would be a total of 16 to hit. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: Okay. SAM: Yasha! LAURA: Stupid cube! MATT: You take 13 points of acid damage, as it slams into you and begins to burn the skin. TALIESIN: Does that get halved because of raging? MATT: Acid damage is not halved, unfortunately. And you strike it? MARISHA: I rolled a 15. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Six damage. MATT: Six damage? All righty. MARISHA: Yeah. These are all my unarmed strikes, yeah? MATT: Yes. You punch with your other hand and now both of your hands are numb and you’re like, “Ugh!” MARISHA: I hate that feeling! TRAVIS: Novocaine hands? MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: Your whole torso, Yasha, is burning, and underneath the burning pain you feel numbness under your chin and your tongue’s going a little (lolling). LAURA: Oh no! Is she poisoned? MATT: Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to try, just for shits and giggles, I’m going to activate the ice damage on my sword. I’m going to run up– where am I? Over there? I’m going to run up, take a swing at that corner– MATT: Okay, you dash up to its side there. TALIESIN: So that’s 14 to hit. MATT: 14 hits! TALIESIN: I know, it’s like, just in case, I will be the one to miss. And that’s six plus one ice, so that’s seven damage. MATT: Seven damage, nice. You strike through and the ice crystallizes inside. As you cut through, the liquid and the moisture (shattering) leaves this– TRAVIS: Like ballistic gel? MATT: Yeah. Stuck in the inside. So that’s one carved through. TALIESIN: It’s my bonus to activate it. MATT: Right, so it’s your one strike. TALIESIN: I’m going to back off into the corner then. MATT: It already used its reaction. TALIESIN: Yeah, so I’m using that. MATT: You strike and then dart back, jump to the back of the room getting ready for you next round. That finishes Molly’s round. Nott and Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Ladies first. SAM: Yes, I feel so conflicted trying to hurt a cube. But I will. I will bash that cube until it explodes all over the place. Wait. TALIESIN: Whoa! SAM: I rolled a natural 20 to attack with my hand crossbow. MATT: Roll damage on that. SAM: With sneak attack? MATT: Technically, yes, you have Beau. SAM: And it’s crit so double? MATT: Double dice and then add your dexterity modifier. SAM: 24, plus– 28. MATT: Shit! SAM: Oh, and I’ll use Fury of the Small to make it 30! LIAM: I want to roll a rogue right now! LAURA: I know, right? MATT: Is it half your level, or is it your level? SAM: Fury of the Small. Let me look. MATT: It’s damage equal to your level, right? SAM: Yes. MATT: That’s an additional four so that’s 32 damage. SAM: Oh, shit! LIAM: That builds, goblin? SAM: Class features. MATT: I’m pretty sure it’s equal to your level. SAM: I’m looking. TALIESIN: Is it racial features or class features? SAM: I don’t know. I’ll look it up later! TALIESIN: It would be racial features. SAM: For which archetype? Spellcasting, Mage Hand? Oh shit, I should’ve used Mage Hand before! MATT: (laughs) Remember, that’s actually your archetype. SAM: I don’t know what I should be doing! TALIESIN: Class features. MATT: Regardless, you did a lot of damage to it, so 32 with your level added to it, as you strike it with your crossbow. SAM: Okay. Then I will move around that way, yes, as far as possible. MATT: 30. SAM: And I’ll shoot again. Why not? With advantage still? LIAM: It’s restrained. SAM: 18 plus a lot. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. SAM: Seven more points of damage. MATT: 39 points of damage in one round of combat. Not too bad! ASHLEY: Nicely done! LIAM: Low-level rogue! High-level rogue, eh, but low-level rogue is sick. LAURA: High-level rogue was still pretty cool. MARISHA: What was it, like 79 points of damage you did in one round? LIAM: One time. MARISHA: Yeah, that was great. MATT: That ends Nott’s turn. Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: I’m going to use my speed to run on this side of the cube closer to you, as far back against that wall as possible. MATT: 25. Right there. 30 will be all the way back. TRAVIS: 30’s perfect. Eldritch Blast. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: At advantage. That’s cocked. That natural 19’s not bad, though. MATT: That’ll hit. Roll damage. TRAVIS: Great. Ten plus four, that’s 14 points of damage. MATT: 14 points of damage. This thing is just getting hit with crossbow bolts and the blasts on the sides of it. It’s taking damage, but it’s a hardy mass of slime and gelatin. TRAVIS: It’s a hardy mallow. MATT: Indeed. That finish your turn? TRAVIS: Yes, it does. MATT: All righty, it’s now the gelatinous cube’s turn. It’s going to attempt to break free of the large Earthen Paw. TALIESIN: At disadvantage. MATT: Well, it’s not disadvantage. LIAM: Just for attacks. MATT: That is going to be– what save? LIAM: 15 for me. MATT: It’s a strength check. So that would be plus two, that’s a 15. LIAM: Gott verdammt! It’s out. LAURA: Oh no, it breaks free?! TRAVIS: No, I thought it was going to stay there! LAURA: Beau’s right next to it. It’s going to slurp you. LIAM: Does that mean it’s not restrained? MATT: No, it can still move as part of its action. TRAVIS: Shit! LAURA: Half of its movement. MATT: It’s going to (squelching). LAURA: Oh no. Who’s it going for?! LIAM: Who’s it getting? My cat?! You motherfucker! (screaming and laughter) LAURA: No! LIAM: I mean, I’m assuming it takes like four points of damage immediately, my cat. TRAVIS: How many hit points does it have? LIAM: Three? It’s gone instantly! MARISHA: Did any of that trigger my sentinel? MATT: Your cat moved aside. I did that to fuck with you. Its engulf is an action, and it already used an action to break free. But it did move over and you guys basically moved out of the way. It’s now right next to both Beau and Jester. MARISHA: It didn’t move out of my range at all? MATT: It did not. You’ve already used your reaction anyway. SAM: Can I say that it looks like that artisanal ice that you get at really classy bars, and now I’m really thirsty for like a scotch. MATT: That’s going to end its turn. That brings us to the top of the round. That is Caleb. LIAM: I believe my Cat’s Paw is still in existence and would like to try to do the same shit. MATT: Okay. LIAM: So. (swiping) (meow) 15. It can move as well. SAM: It’s like Bigby’s Paw? LIAM: It is. MATT: You can move it? LIAM: Yeah, I can. TRAVIS: Bigby’s Dirty, Dirty Cat Paw? LIAM: Looking it up. MATT: Reaches for one creature it can see within five feet of it. LIAM: Did it get five feet? It was five feet in front of it and it moved that way. It would’ve been right in front of it. MATT: Sure, we’ll go for it. LIAM: All right, so DC 15. MATT: DC 15 on what? What’s the save on it? LIAM: It’s strength. MATT: Right, strength again. That’s a 14 plus two, 16. LIAM: Aw, it doesn’t do it. Great. I will use the rest of my movement to move another ten feet back in the hallway I’m in. MATT: Okay. Slowly backing away. As you step on that platform back there, you feel it buzz for a second, and nearby you hear this whining of metal against metal as the trap is still broken but waiting. That ends Caleb’s go. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Oh man, and it’s right next to me now? Oh god! Okay. TRAVIS: (sings) It’s right next to me now! LAURA: Ooh, I’m going to cast Toll the Dead on it. MATT: All right. Save on that is constitution? LAURA: It’s a wisdom save! MATT: Wisdom save! That is strangely a 14. LAURA: Also 14. MATT: Oh shit, yeah. 16 minus 2. So no effect. LAURA: Balls. Okay. ASHLEY: Wait, don’t you get an advant– no. TALIESIN: Advantage is over. LAURA: Okay, then I guess I’m going to (singing) try to back away from it. MATT: Which way? LAURA: Towards Fjord. MATT: Towards Fjord? So you’re going to back away here? LAURA: A little further if I can, please. MATT: You can. LAURA: Because it probably can’t move very far. MATT: It’s going to swing at you with its pseudopod as you move out of its range. That’s a natural 20. LAURA: Bitch of a fucking marshmallow! MATT: That’s some good rolls in the past couple of rounds. That’s going to be– ooh! 32 points of acid damage. ALL: Oh! SAM: That’s all the points! LIAM: She’s out! LAURA: I’m out. I’m unconscious. LIAM: Was she absorbed? MATT: I rolled– it’s 3d6. Six, four, six, doubled. LIAM: Is she absorbed? LAURA and MATT: No. MARISHA: It got a natural 20. MATT: Not at the moment. So you are unconscious right next to– ASHLEY: Wait, but she wasn’t that close to him! LAURA: I was. MATT: She tried to move away. ASHLEY: Shit. MATT: So it hits you from behind, and the last thing you feel is numbness overtake your body as darkness clouds around your eyes and you are out. SAM: Jester, like all beautiful women, succumbed to the cube. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: What?! LAURA: If I die tonight, when I decided to come and play even though I’m coughing– MATT: I’m sorry. That ends Jester’s turn. That brings us to Beau and Yasha. MARISHA: And that, I wouldn’t have– Okay. I already got my one reaction? MATT: Well, it’s your turn. MARISHA: I feel like that was before, though, the one reaction. TRAVIS: I’m coming for her. MARISHA: The first one. With it being one more round, do I have a reaction? MATT: No, because that was happening during– That’s since your last turn. So your reaction has come back now. You don’t get an attack, but now you do after this. It’s your turn. MARISHA: It’s me and Yasha. SAM: Yasha’s a healer, right? ASHLEY: Wait, didn’t you get Sentinel on it? MARISHA: I did on the round before. I feel like I have one more round but I don’t think I did. Did you, though? Because it moved out of your range! MATT: It did, but you guys have the same initiative round. So you used your reaction on your turn last round to hit it, as she was running away, and now it’s reset to this round. MARISHA: But did Yasha? MATT: Yasha hasn’t, no. Yasha ran out of range and hasn’t been able to use her reaction to hit since then. MARISHA: Oh, she ran out of range. Okay. MATT: That’s how you got the attack on it. She ran away and it hit her, and then you got a shot. MARISHA: I was thinking there was another round in between that. I’m going to lay into it. MATT: All right. So you’re staying where you are and start– MARISHA: Wait. Wait. ALL: Wait. Wait. Wait. LAURA: I’m going to die, you guys. SAM: You’ll be fine! LIAM: No, probably you’ll die. MARISHA: Caleb, you already went. You’re going to give it to her? Okay. Then I’ll lay into it. MATT: All right, go for it. MARISHA: Sorry, I wanted to make sure someone was going to get Jester out. TRAVIS: I’m leaving her behind. MARISHA: 21. MATT: 21 hits! LAURA: When does the cube go? TRAVIS: Last. MARISHA: That’s nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage, nice. As you slap it with the side of the bo again, you watch and it buckles in places. MARISHA: I’m going to go ahead and do Flurry of Blows for these next two. That’s a natural 18. MATT: That hits, definitely. MARISHA: So five points of damage. The second one. That’s not great. That’s 11. MATT: Still hits. MARISHA: Great, and that’s seven points of damage. MATT: You’re punching this thing, and you’re watching it quiver and part of it is shifting and it’s looking pretty damaged in spite of its size at this point in time, so well done. Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: All right, I’m going to go up to it. Get it sliced. Raging, reckless. Divine– no, I can’t do divine. MATT: Yes, every turn you can do it. ASHLEY: Every turn I can do it. LIAM: Yasha! SAM: First roll to hit. ASHLEY: Oh! First roll to hit. MATT: With advantage, because you went reckless. ASHLEY: With advantage. Yeah, 20. MATT: Roll again, just in case. Reckless is good because you have a double chance to critical. ASHLEY: Don’t ever not do it, okay. 22. MATT: Yeah, that’s it. 22 damage. How do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: Is that your first one? ASHLEY: Yes! MATT: You see it being hit by Beau and it’s slowly shifting its weight towards the unconscious body of Jester on the ground. You watch it expanding to start pulling her leg inward. ASHLEY: I take the tip of the sword, and I slowly start pushing into the middle and then (sword slicing across). MATT: As you push it all the way into the center of it, it begins to shake and quiver and begins to slowly encapsulate your arm and forearm as it rises up, and your arm is numb. You shake your head and cut out to the side, and as you do, you watch the side of it splash out, almost like popping a water balloon. The interior of it turns to liquid water and begin to spill out as it slowly deflates and liquefies across the ground, like a jellyfish beached. TRAVIS: Oh, I’m stepping in it. LIAM: Ashley, you just destroyed a classic Dungeons & Dragons foe. (clapping) MATT: I’ll tell you one thing, that restraint saved your fucking ass at the start! It never got to engulf. Never got a chance to engulf. TRAVIS: I’ll run over, and I’ll kneel down next to Jester, and pick up her head and pour a health potion there. LIAM: (Imitating Jester) Put your tusk in there, Fjord! (laughter) LAURA: Oh, Oskar. TRAVIS: Fjord. LAURA: Thank you for saving me. TRAVIS: It’s Fjord. LAURA: Sorry, I mean Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah. You all right? LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: Okay. Get up, come on, on your feet. LAURA: Oh. Did we kill it? TRAVIS: Yup. LAURA: Sorry, I think that was my fault, you guys. TALIESIN: No, these things happen. TRAVIS: Anything come out of the middle of that thing? MATT: From the middle of it? No, it turns to liquid gel. LIAM: Get my cat out of there. MATT: One of these days I’ll get to put one of you guys in. MARISHA: Aw, Frumpkin! Hey buddy. LIAM: From down the hallway you hear: Now the question is, if we do the same thing again, will another one come out? Or do we need to try to hit all three at the same time? Let me come in there. MATT: Actually, I guess I’ll leave this here. LIAM: Leave it nearby. MATT: I’ll set it aside. MARISHA: Well, if you hit all with everything at once, then the worst that can happen is that we have to fight two more things at the same time. LIAM; Well, Jester did necrotic, and I can obviously handle, well, I can handle evocation or– LAURA: Who has divination, though? MATT: What you didn’t notice during this process was the pillar above, the base re-closed. MARISHA: So we have to do it all at once. LIAM: I can do both divination and evocation. SAM: At the same time? LIAM: Can you do one of those things? SAM: I don’t know. You taught me magic. What are mine? What are my spells? LIAM: Well, tell me what you are able to do. SAM: Here, I’ll show you on D&D Beyond. TRAVIS: What are the last two? Divination and– LIAM: Divination and evocation. LAURA: Does anybody have one of those? SAM: Most of mine are illusion and something else. LIAM: Yeah, you can do evocation with this one– SAM: Okay, I can do evocation! LIAM: But you have to get up there, though. You have to touch it with that one. LAURA: Can your mage hand lift you up? SAM: No. But I can do climb! TALIESIN: Well, we have to do it in the bowl. SAM: Or we do it to the rod. TRAVIS: To the bowl. LIAM: So you handle evocation. I can handle the divination. You handle necrotic. MATT: Where are the bowls placed right now? On the symbols in the center? SAM: In the hole. MATT: What are you doing? SAM: I can do Shocking Grasp as a evocation spell. LAURA: Wait. I have an idea. Maybe we should take the bowls outside of the room and cast something on the bowls and see if one of the symbols on the bowls light up. That way, the staff doesn’t absorb the spell immediately. Because when I cast Toll the Dead, I was trying to cast it on the bowl, right? But instead, my spell went up into the middle of the staff. Maybe if we try casting it on the bowls outside of the room, that won’t happen. SAM: Can’t we cast it on the staff? TALIESIN: There is a room outside this room where it seems like there was a room for maybe preparing the bowls? TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s do that. Jester, lead the way. LIAM: It is worth a try. Of course it is. LAURA: Just so we don’t have to fight another cube, just in case. LIAM: I’m pretty good. I have not let go all of my preparation for the day. LAURA: How many points of healing did you give me? When you poured the spell in my mouth? MATT: Was it a regular healing potion? TRAVIS: Yeah, just regular. MATT: 2d4 plus two. LIAM: Is everyone all right? TRAVIS: Six. LIAM: Jester, how are you feeling? LAURA: I’m feeling like I’m a little sick right now, but you know. LIAM: No, not Laura but you: Jester. How are you feeling? LAURA: I’m feel like I’ve got very little health. Like I’m bleeding a little bit from my ears. LIAM: I reach into the satchel on the side. SAM: No. You keep it. I’ll do it. LIAM: I give her my potion of healing. Regular healing. LAURA: Caleb, I have healing spells still. It’s okay. LIAM: Well, what are you complaining about then? LAURA: I wasn’t bitching at all! You asked. LIAM: That is not the verbiage that I chose at all. SAM and ASHLEY: The “werbage”. (laughter) TRAVIS: Wubba lubba “werbage”! LAURA: Let’s fucking go out into this hallway, okay? TRAVIS: Yeah. Beau and I take the bowls. We head out into the hallway. MATT: You guys head out past the traps, carefully stepping across the currently-held traps and you have the bowls in the far hallway. LAURA: Should we try casting a spell on one of the bowls and see what happens? TRAVIS: Yeah. We lay all three of them, one, two, three, out in a row. LIAM: Necro, evo, and divination all together. TRAVIS: Evo, you first. Pick a bowl. SAM: Wait, no. We have to do it instantaneously. LAURA: No, we don’t. I don’t think so because we’re not in the room anymore so we can try to see if the bowls do anything. LIAM: Do you think it would hurt if we did it at the same time? SAM: Yeah, what’s the problem with that? TRAVIS: Sure, try it. We’ll see what happens. LIAM: Let’s do it at the same time. SAM: At the count of zwei. MARISHA: Beau takes off her belt. LAURA: I’m going to cast my Spare the Dying cantrip. MATT: Which is? LAURA: Necromancy. MATT: Necromancy. You’re casting? SAM: Shocking Grasp. MATT: Okay. Which is evocation. LIAM: Identify, which is divination. MARISHA: I take off my belt, and I hold it up like a rally car racer girl. (silence) TRAVIS: We’re waiting. MARISHA: Three, two, one. (swishing) SAM: (gibberish) MATT: You guys all cast your spells. No effect on the bowls. SAM: We have to be in the room! MATT: It’s hard to see because there’s still the ash caked on the inside of it. LAURA: Wait. I blow on the bowl. Does it look like any of the symbols got any brighter? TALIESIN: I would say the one that I had I probably polished up. MATT: It’s very hard to see with very little light in here. LIAM: Okay. That was good. We checked that box, so let’s go back into the room. MATT: Make an intelligence check. LIAM: Yeah, okay. MARISHA: Come on. LIAM: Yeah, that’s good. It’s 20. MATT: 20? Very good. There is something bugging you in the back of your head. Something that says the fact that these were urns that carried ash speaks to the purpose of these. You can’t make the connection here, but the fact that each of these were filled with ash is bugging you. There’s something there. LIAM: The urns, currently, are totally empty? MATT: They’re totally empty, yes. SAM: Why don’t we cast it on the rod? LIAM: I know. I– LAURA: Do we need to set these on fire? LIAM: We maybe need to go upstairs and scoop some of the dustbuster bullshit into these and bring them down. TRAVIS: Nott, you want to go cast it on the rod? Let’s go. You and me, we’ll do it. LAURA: You need three spells. LIAM: No, I’m saying we need to go collect some of the ashes of the dead from upstairs. TRAVIS: Or maybe we need to set them on fire. LIAM: Something is missing here. LAURA: We need to set it on fire? ASHLEY: Wait, are they already filled with ash? Right now? MATT: The ash has been mostly cleaned out. MARISHA: I still have this holy water, too. MATT: Yeah, you have your torch, and you have your spells. LIAM: It’s possible that we need to burn something afresh. LAURA: Hold the torch under one of the bowls. LIAM: Yeah, I can set things on fire as well. Do you want to do one? LAURA: Just hold it under and see what happens. LIAM: Yeah, it’s easier. I cast Firebolt into one of them. MATT: You cast Firebolt into one of them. The flame bursts in there as you guys take the torch over to the side. As the fire subsides, you see each of the symbols, portions of them are left glowing and slowly fade. MARISHA: Which ones? Which portions? MATT: All of them. All the symbols have certain parts of them that just glow for a second in the presence of fire and then fade. LAURA: Hold the torch under one of them for a long time and see what happens. MATT: Who’s going to hold the bowl? TALIESIN: I’ll hold the bowl. I’m resistant to fire. MATT: You take the bowl, and you hold it out there. It hurts a little but as you hold the torch underneath, it begins to light up. You watch as the symbols begin to glow on the inside of these metal inscribed bits. TALIESIN: Look at this. LAURA: Woah! Here we go. SAM: So creepy. TALIESIN: There we are. MARISHA: Yes! SAM: What? Parts of the symbols are glowing more. LAURA: We were wrong about what we needed to cast. LIAM: Just to note, Schmidt is still here with us. If we need anyone to hold anything that’s dangerous– LAURA: That’s that one. TALIESIN: We need– transmutation– LAURA: What is this? TALIESIN: That’s– LAURA: Illusion! We need an illusion. SAM: I know those! TALIESIN: And we need enchantment. LAURA: Transmutation– TALIESIN: Illusion and enchantment. MARISHA: And enchantment. LAURA: I have an enchantment. LIAM: I have transmutation. TRAVIS: There’s fine writing around the square. That’s not just a shape. See this writing in here? SAM: I know an enchantment spell and an illusion spell. LIAM: I know enchantment and transmutation. SAM: Why don’t you do trans? I’ll do enchant. LAURA: I can transmute or something. SAM: Oh, you can? LAURA: I think so. LIAM: All right. We’ll figure out– TALIESIN: I don’t think it turns. SAM: I’m so glad you taught me magic, Caleb. TALIESIN: I’ve got an idea. I think I know how it works now. SAM: I don’t know how it works, and I’m not paying any attention. I’m very drunk. TALIESIN: This is great. I think that this is a guide. We know what we need to know because of these bowls. I think we need all three of these versions of the spells placed in each of these points. MARISHA: We put bowls– no. LAURA: We don’t even need the bowls. SAM: One, two three, right there! That’s where we need to spin it over there! TALIESIN: Everybody stand at their point. LAURA: Wait. I got to find my spell that actually does the thing that I said I could do. SAM: Oh! Right there! See? That symbol matches with this one. TALIESIN: (sarcastically) Are you sure? SAM: I figured this out, guys! (laughter) LAURA: Wait, I have enchantment. SAM: So what do you have? LAURA: Enchantment. TALIESIN: We need transmutation and illusion. LIAM: I have transmutation and enchantment. SAM: I have illusion and transmutation. LIAM: And what do you have, Jester? LAURA: I have enchantment. LIAM: So you’re enchantment. That means I have transmutation. SAM: I’m illusion. MARISHA: All right, yes! TALIESIN: If anything starts to happen, I want you to run for the door. LAURA: Okay. I’ll go stand by the enchantment– under the symbol for enchantment, just in case. TALIESIN: That would be the three dots. SAM: What about you Fjord? Don’t you have some spells on you? Why aren’t you helping out? TRAVIS: What do you want? LAURA: Can you do enchantment? TRAVIS: Nope. I got evocation. I got necrotic. LIAM: If another cube or something comes out– TALIESIN: We need fighters. MARISHA: Me and Fjord will stand by in case anything else drops out of the ceiling. LIAM: That’s right. We’ve got these two bruisers here. That’s good. I concur. TALIESIN: Just in case, I’m going to light my other sword too. MATT: (flames) Mark your damage on that. SAM: Where are we casting it upon? LAURA: I think we’re casting it at the staff. SAM: All right. MARISHA: Yasha, you want to take another point? Fighters and casters? ASHLEY: Yep. TRAVIS: Oh my god. I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself again. LAURA: Do we need to be standing in front of the symbol that it lines up with? TALIESIN: I would stand in front of the symbols on the triangle, personally. LAURA: I’ll go stand in front of the three dots. MARISHA: This was a research facility for mages. They’re super uppity about this shit, yeah. SAM: I go over next to the illusion one. LIAM: I, of course, in front of transmutation. MATT: As you guys are triangulated around those specific coordinates you’ve set yourselves, what do you do? LAURA: We count to three and we go? LIAM: You’re doing what? I’m doing Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp again with my cat’s paw. LAURA: I’m doing Hold Person. SAM: I’m taking a bit of fleece and doing some hand symbols and casting Silent Image. MATT: All right. You’re casting–? LAURA: Hold Person. MARISHA: I pull off the belt again. ASHLEY: Sword at the ready. MARISHA: One, two, three! MATT: As the three of you complete your incantations, the energy unleashed from the arcane and divine schools of magic, you watch as the energy disperses from the spell, and all three go (sucking sound) right into the center rod. It sits there shimmering from the impact. You guys back away, and it slowly goes cold again. On the opposite side of the chamber, you hear (grinding), and you watch as a false wall on the opposite end rotates open, leading you to a hallway on the opposite side that was previously closed. (cheering) MATT: Well done, guys! LAURA: Oh man! TRAVIS: I cast Armor of Agathys for nothing. MATT: You still got it for an hour. LAURA: That’s good, because who knows what else we’ll run into while we’re down here. MARISHA: On the other side. TRAVIS: Well, I’m wearing it. I’ll run over to the door. TALIESIN: Check for traps. LIAM: Wait! I sit down, and I start doing the ritual for Detect Magic again. Ten minutes. MATT: While he’s doing that, anybody else doing anything? TRAVIS: I’m running over to the door. I’m not crossing the threshold. I just want to see. I got darkvision. MATT: Looking inside, with what low light is coming through from the edges of Yasha’s torchlight, the first thing that hits you is the smell. It’s a strange combination of old decay, strong rust, and burnt hair. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a very unpleasant mingling of smells as it hits you. Looking inside, you see a chamber ahead divided into three smaller sections and a center main chamber area. The center main chamber area is what you can most make out the details of. It looks like some sort of inert arcane circle in the center. There’s a symbol drawn there with runes around, but it’s currently cold and dark. You can’t see much further beyond that because you’re staying at the doorway, and to the right and left it looks there’s two smaller chambers immediately, and then it goes further in. TRAVIS: We got more magic stuff inside. I know Caleb’s meditating, but it’s going to get hairy, I bet. Smells a little burnt hair-y. ASHLEY: I walk up behind Fjord. MATT: The torchlight extends into the chamber, and you can see a little more now. The two side chambers are almost pill-shaped. They’re rounded at each side, and they’re enclosed, but open into the center chamber. At each of these rounded edges, as you step inside and glance to the right and left, you can see cage-like contraptions: iron domes that are very tight-knit, dark iron rusted metal. They’re on the edges of each side. You see load-bearing pillars in the center of the chamber to the right and left, and cold braziers behind those against the walls: little domed pieces of stone that once contained flame for light. Across the way you can see two tables with chairs, a bookcase. That’s all you can see at this distance. TRAVIS: The dome cages are solid steel, or are they bars? MATT: They’re bars, but the bars are an inch, inch and a half between each. It’s very little space in between. TALIESIN: I’m going to start heading in this direction, too. Does one of them look like it was possibly holding a gelatinous cube at some point? MATT: Are you entering the chamber to look? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll go with you. LAURA: You should detect traps. SAM: All right, I’ll look for traps. I know it’s my job. MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. LIAM: Five more minutes! SAM: 13. MATT: Best you can tell, there’s no traps in this first portion of the chamber. SAM: All clear. I take another swig from my flask. MATT: Okay. How drunk are you right now? SAM: Pretty drunk. MATT: We’ll put you in the drunk status, then. SAM: It’s been a long night. TRAVIS: Yasha, Molly, want to come in? SAM: By the way, Yasha, can I say, you weren’t even with us yesterday, and now you’re down here doing this! Is this crazy? What were you doing yesterday? ASHLEY: I was sitting in the tavern and then you guys came into the tavern. SAM: But did you know that you’d be down here with us tonight? ASHLEY: Yes, Nott, I did. SAM: How did you know that? ASHLEY: I happen to– no, Nott, I did not know. SAM: How and when will I die? ASHLEY: I can’t tell you that, Nott. SAM: But you know! ASHLEY: Yes, of course. TRAVIS: She’s powerful. TALIESIN: Don’t spoil it for her. We’ll find out in an hour or so anyway. ASHLEY: Okay. Good call, Molly. MATT: Yasha, you enter with the torch as well? All right, the three of them enter. You guys following behind or are you staying back with Caleb? LIAM: Caleb is super intense on his shit right now, going: I am helping the group. Everyone’s going to be safe. MARISHA: Beau’s left behind going: Come on! Pick it up, Caleb! LAURA: Beau, should I use my last spell to heal myself? SAM: I have a healing potion. MARISHA: Jester, you should always look out for yourself first, all right? TRAVIS: I have a healing potion if you want one, too. LAURA: So I should cast the spell on myself? MARISHA: I am waiting behind, motherfucker! TRAVIS: I take a healing potion, and I hand it to Jester. LAURA: This seems like a waste of money. I’m trying to be smarter with my money. SAM: No, you’re the worst with money. MATT: Regular healing potion? 2d4 plus two. TRAVIS: Seven. TALIESIN: Yay, double digits. MATT: It’s better than half. As you guys begin to enter the chamber, you are now stepping into the center of this inert magical circle, with the two cold braziers and the pillars. You see the four cages on the two opposite ends of the rounded, pill-shaped side rooms, and across the way there is the bookcase and the two tables. As you get closer and see, there’s two non-lit candelabra. What faint bits of candle remnants are there are mostly melted, and the wax dripping off and causing small pools in the ground, but they’ve been cold for some time. TRAVIS: I go over to one of the cages. LIAM: Did we wait the short amount of time for Detect Magic? MARISHA: I am in-between you and them, and I’m going: come on, come on. TRAVIS: I go over to one of the cages, the nearest left one. MATT: Perception check. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: You glance through with the light that’s flickering through the various gaps in this iron cage, and inside you can see a similar clay urn, deep red, sitting in the center. You see burnt and tattered clothing at the sides of it. TRAVIS: Oh jeez. Got another urn here full of ash. LAURA: Be careful! SAM: Kill it! Break it! TRAVIS: Anyone want to check the other cages? Make sure it’s not the same thing in each? TALIESIN: I’ll go take a look at the other cage. ASHLEY: I’ll go look at another one. MATT: You glance– make a perception check. LAURA: I’m hanging out with Caleb and Beau. MATT: You finish your ability. Your Detect Magic is now in effect. TALIESIN: 19. MATT: Glancing into one of the far end cages– What did you get, Yasha? ASHLEY: I got 17. MATT: You guys hit two other cages on the right side, both the far end close edge of that platform. You’re looking in the small cages. You see another urn, and you glance up and see at the very top, there’s a chain of some kind that was wrapped in a noose. You see the urn that contains the ash down within, there are remnants of ash around the outside in a circle, and bits of cloth and material, and this chain noose hanging above where this urn was. TALIESIN: Would I be insane for thinking this is how they make them? SAM: Make what? LAURA: The will-o’-wisps. LIAM: The will-o’-wisps are the dead. They are left from the dead. TALIESIN: This was a factory, maybe? TRAVIS: Heading over to Molly, I stop in the middle of the room at that inert circle. Does it look like anything? MATT: Make an arcana check. ASHLEY: Are we near the table at all? TRAVIS: 21. MATT: You guys can move to the opposite end if you want to get closer to the table. Looking at the inert circle, it looks like– You have an instinctual arcane knowledge that’s been imparted upon you by whatever this gift has been given to you, so the knowledge comes to you. It’s alien but familiar at the same time, and your brain’s trying to work through this disconnect. This circle looks like it was once developed to be a teleportation circle, but has since, it seems, been scarred and closed. TRAVIS: I feel like this was used to move or deliver people or things. This was a center for transportation. SAM: What the fuck are you talking about? (laughter) LAURA: Are we in the other room still, or did we come in? MATT: Caleb has now finished and you guys can enter the chamber. TRAVIS: Real bright. (laughter) SAM: Sounds good, Fjord. ASHLEY: How close to the table can we get? MATT: How close do you want to get? There’s two tables, both kitty-corner into the further chamber. TALIESIN: I want to wait for Caleb at this point. LAURA: Can I look around the room? SAM: Do you need my help? TRAVIS: Is he done yet? LIAM: Give me a second to blacklight the room. MARISHA: Caleb, I love you, but we are missing out on other shit. I’m having extreme FOMO right now. Come on. LAURA: We’re in the room. Let’s go. LIAM: Yeah, I’m waiting for the narrator to– MATT: Yeah, I told you, a couple times. You finished your spell. LIAM: Yes, good, right. So I’m walking. Is there anyone between the bookshelf and me, where I am? Is Fjord? MATT: Yes, currently it looks like Jester and Yasha are in between that space. LIAM: Who’s the closest? MATT: They’re both equidistant. LIAM: I walk up between the two of them, and I have a 30 foot radius on the spell, so I’m basically doing this, but I’m very interested in the bookshelf obviously. I’m looking everywhere. MATT: There’s a very faint magical aura from the symbol in the center, but it seems largely clouded and marked off. It’s like somebody had taped over a blacklit drawing. It’s been marred and prevented from use, from what it seems at the moment. LIAM: Is there a type? I will ask that every time. MATT: Yes, there is. And just to be consistent, here. LIAM: Friendship magic. MATT: It is conjuration. There is a very faint magical essence, straight ahead. As you focus and lean forward, it becomes a little stronger. Above the bookshelf, there is a shape, embedded in the wall, that is emitting a slight magical aura. LIAM: In the wall, above the bookshelf? MATT: Above the bookshelf, you don’t have quite enough light, and Yasha’s holding the torch that’s being cut off from the roof. TALIESIN: I’ve got a light stone in my pocket if anyone wants to go for it. Here, hold on– SAM: A light stone? LAURA: Ooh, I’ll climb up on the bookshelf. TALIESIN: Careful! MATT: As you approach, the bookshelf is mostly empty. Similar to the first chamber you went to, it looks like either everything in here was taken or destroyed. Most of the bookshelf is plain empty with broken pieces, and tattered bits of paper, and no books present on the shelf at the moment. LIAM: Zero books. MATT: That you see on the shelf as you close in to look at it. As you climb the shelf and look up, above the bookshelf there is, placed ornamentally on the wall, a very wide blade, longsword of some kind is bolted onto the wall as an ornamental display. LAURA: Does it look trapped? Is this trapped on the wall? SAM: You want me to check it? LAURA: Climb up on the bookshelf with me! TRAVIS: Please pull it out. TALIESIN: This can’t go wrong. SAM: I go up and check. I got a– oh wait, disadvantage, I’m drunk. That’s a 19. MATT: 19. Best you can tell, there’s no trap. LAURA: Should I try to pull it out? TRAVIS: Yeah, pull it off. I’ll give you all my health potions in one day. LAURA: I lift, I pull, and I try to pull it off the wall. MATT: Okay. It takes you a moment, because it’s bolted in. The blade comes free, and you pull back on it you begin to, “Whoa!” off the side. You guys catch Jester. She plummets off of the bookshelf. You manage to trust fall her, if you will, as she falls from the top. LAURA: Good job not getting stabbed, you guys, because this is sharp-looking. MATT: It is a heavy-looking blade. The hilt of it is gold and curls up to the side. It is all these tiny runes inscribed along the edge. The central blade is thick. It’s about that wide at the side and slowly tapers to the edge. None of you come from a specific blacksmith background, so you wouldn’t know the purpose of the blade, but it looks dangerous. LAURA: This is a sacrificial blade for sure. TRAVIS: Is it long? MATT: Yeah, it’s about six feet long. LIAM: Jester’s holding it? LAURA: I’m holding it. LIAM: How’s the girth? LAURA: It’s pretty girthy. Can you identify it? LIAM: I obviously can do that, and I have a little bit of reserve left, but we are still not topside yet, so we can either sit for ten minutes and I can tell you exactly what it does, or we wait until later. But I’m not willing to do this– MARISHA: No more ten minutes. LIAM: It is ten minutes. LAURA: I’ll strap it to my back. LIAM: We can wait until later. TALIESIN: Put it in the bag. LAURA: It’s very sharp and the bag is easily punctured and I don’t want to risk it. I’ll strap it to my back. TRAVIS: Shouldn’t we, for good measure, be breaking up these other ceramic–? TALIESIN: Are those ceramic pots giving anything off? MATT: The tables, by the way, that are right next to the bookshelf, have writing utensils, quills on the side, one has an inkwell that has been long dried over that has a spider web attached to it. LIAM: Does it have any paper? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: A natural 20. LAURA: Ooh! MATT: You don’t notice any paper, but as you glance underneath one of the tables, on the bottom it looks like one book has been not taken, or at least had fallen beneath and was left behind. SAM: Liam just got an erection. MATT: I heard it! It was like (deep thud) on the table. TRAVIS: Oh come on, it’s like (light thud). LIAM: No, the first one was right. MATT: The book, as you pull it out, a corner of it is burned pretty heavily. LIAM: Detect Magic’s still going, by the way. MATT: Correct. There’s no magical source from it. Where you found it, there’s a bit of an ash trail that leads back towards the far wall, towards where one of the braziers is. You get the sense that maybe whatever was in here may have been thrown in the braziers to burn and this book got discarded or thrown. You open and start looking through the pages. What languages do you know? LIAM: I know Common! Oh god. I don’t know where to look on D&D Beyond. SAM: Proficiencies. MATT: It would be under proficiencies, probably. SAM: No, it’s not there. MATT: Oh, it’s not? Okay. SAM: Come on, D&D Beyond! TALIESIN: Character details, under description. LIAM: Description, character details? I know Sylvan, Common, and Celestial. MATT: You do not recognize this script. LIAM: Then I will cast Comprehend Languages. SAM: I hope that doesn’t get rid of all your other spells. LIAM: It doesn’t. Just one. I cast Comprehend Languages. MATT: As you finish casting the spell, Caleb’s hand incantation completes, the eyes light up with a strange yellowish energy. All the words on the page that previously made no sense suddenly shift, go out of focus, and come back into focus in a language that you can understand. It is Draconic. Reading through briefly, and it is scribblings, disjointed and broken in place. Taking a moment to look through, you get the sense this is the journal of somebody named Siff Duthar. LIAM: Don’t write that down! LAURA: Why? LIAM: Because only I know it! MARISHA: I’m definitely going to write it down. SAM: Siff Duthar! MATT: Siff. S-I-F-F. Duthar. LAURA: The thing is, he probably won’t ever tell us. SAM: He’ll tell me! MATT: The pages, the ramblings speak of a coming war. They talk about foolish pawns who follow their gods to annihilation. They speak of the armies of Ghor Dranas washing over the land and pauper and kings alike being saved not at all and being placed on a pike and held like a banner into battle regardless of who they are. They speak of the weakness of flesh and the need to endure beyond the paltry life shell that we’re given. It talks about experiments with refugees, finding if the soul is bound to the flesh in any form, be it ice or ash. It speaks of an obsession with avoiding the eternal hunger of The Crawling King, he who tunnels beneath the world and will find him. SAM: Oh boy. This seems like beyond our level stuff. TALIESIN: Is there an audiobook version of this? MATT: It speaks of a bounty hunter, who had infiltrated this sanctum after Siff. And while it cost Siff his legs, the hunter was burned into the brazier, flames of erasure. A trophy shall be taken and displayed as a warning. MARISHA: It’s the sword! It’s the fucking sword! MATT: From there, it grows more and more manic. The scrawlings taking you a moment, even with the spell, to focus and make it out. Speaking on quaking within the earth around that shakes the surrounding hills and darken the sky. The betrayer gods come. The power of man must remain. The arcane gifts must bypass their punishment, show them that they are not above their creations. The final notes grow even more paranoid, worried that the secrets that Siff seeks will fall into the hands of Ghor Dranas and that all must be destroyed. All must come to ash and from the ashes, shall rise again. That’s the final page before the rest of the book is charred beyond recognition. LIAM: Right. I tell nobody this. SAM: Just say that all again one more time, Matt. MATT: I can. LAURA: Say it all out loud. LIAM: I do read it out loud. SAM: That is hard core. TALIESIN: What’s in the urn? MARISHA: Yeah, “from ashes shall rise again?” Are we going to fight some guy who’s going to chop off our legs? LAURA: What? MARISHA: It talked about chopping off our legs! LAURA: But then this sword belongs to the guy who came to save Siff? The bounty hunter? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah, the trophy was a warning. He lost his legs. TALIESIN: I want to take a look at some of these cages with the urns. LAURA: What was the thing about “fire or ice,” though? It was like, “fire or ice?” LIAM: Jester, while Molly is looking around, hold that for me. Hold it still. LAURA: Hold what still? LIAM: The sword, and I will tell you what it is, but you have to hold it for a while, Muscles. LAURA: I’m good. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, you begin to notice, as you’re yelling and talking, your breath is now visible in the air, the temperature growing colder and colder still. You, looking past the chamber towards one of these urns, you see a very faint light, a flicker within where the ashes are. As this happens, the center circle of the chamber begins to glow darker and darker as a shadow begins to emerge from the center of the chamber. Shifting out of the ground, some sort of whipping cloak around a humanoid figure rises out made of pure shadow and darkness. The cloth is tattered and shifting around causing this horrible whipping sound like a wind is blowing extremely intensely, but only localized around this figure. As the face is visible, you see this ghastly flesh-stretched against the skull that’s still made of dark gray matter that begins to shift and move with the shadows around it. The voice, (rasping) “Now secrets are yours.” We’ll pick up there next week. (yelling) SAM: Wait, what?! LIAM: Oh man. TRAVIS: Something wicked this way comes. SAM: I’m so confused! LAURA: I don’t have hardly any hit points! SAM: He’s going to talk to us. MARISHA: I tried to write as much as I could. LIAM: It’s okay, I have one spell slot left, it’s fine. LAURA: I’ve got a 2nd-level and a 1st-level. MARISHA: Maybe we should run. LAURA: We should probably run. MATT: We have a week to think about it. LAURA: Was he coming up out of the teleportation circle? MATT: You guys were all towards the bookshelf and the tables. It emerges from the center area near the circle, not from the center of the circle, but in that vicinity. He wasn’t emerging, he wasn’t teleporting in. He was rising out the ground while Molly’s off by one of the cages on the side. TALIESIN: I saw something happen in that cage. MATT: You did. TRAVIS: I’m at that other corner. MATT: Yeah. You and Molly are both at the other corners. ASHLEY: I don’t want to wait a week! SAM: May I ask: What were we sent here to get again? MARISHA: I was going to say, I don’t think we’ve achieved anything. TRAVIS: No, we were supposed to get rid of the orb. MATT: You guys were sent here to– MARISHA: He wanted us to bring back any type of ancient research that we could find. SAM: Just research? MARISHA: But we could keep any of the spoils. LAURA: We could run away, bring the book and run away. LIAM: All we have to say is we cleared it. TRAVIS: Yeah, if we want to be a little punk ass bitch about it! We got to take this guy down! LAURA: This guy is way beyond our level. LIAM: Yeah, we need to do some discussion. MATT: This is a game of choices, guys. Figure out what your choices are for next week. On that note, well done, guys! ASHLEY: I don’t want to wait a week, I want to do it right now! MATT: If it wasn’t already 10:38, we could continue. LIAM: That’s nothing. I could go for another two hours, at least. MATT: I know. But depending on what you do, could TPK real fast. No. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for watching and tuning in. Don’t forget the awesomeness with 826LA. SAM: Archer season seven? TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: Archer season nine, D&D Beyond, all our fantastic sponsors. Pillars of Eternity II, we’re super excited about that and the new comic. Check all that stuff out. Things to hold you over until next week, at the very least. LIAM: Only cool things here. Only cool things. MATT: Thank you so much for watching. Have a wonderful night and a wonderful week and is it Thursday yet? Good night! LIAM: No, it’s not! [music] MATT: Hello everyone and welcome tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. (cheering) MATT: We thankfully, and happily, have Laura back this week going on. LAURA: No more of you doing my voice, Matt? MATT: That wasn’t going to happen ever again. The internet has spoken, nobody wants that. MARISHA: I love the shade she threw you in her spare time. MATT: Oh yeah, plenty of shade! LIAM: That’s not the Laura I know. LAURA: What? No! LIAM: We have the whole gang here. MATT: We do. I love it. Before we jump into the actual story of tonight’s game, we have some quick announcements to get through. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors tonight. First up, we have for this evening, Archer: Danger Island. As a long-time fan of Archer, I’m excited that today’s episode is brought to you by Archer: Danger Island. That is the new season that premiers on FX Wednesday, April 25th at 10:00pm, so next week, check it out. It’ll start there. Season nine centers on the semi-functioning alcohol seaplane pilot, Sterling Archer, as we know, a lush on a lush South Pacific island of Mitimotu in 1939. While the rest of the world is concerned about the impending Second World War, Archer is only concerned with who is buying his next drink. Along with his trusty copilot, Pam, one of my favorite characters, Sterling must navigate quicksand, cannibals, super-intelligent monkeys, poison darts, and pirates. That’s right, folks. Somehow they jumped the shark into even better shark-infested waters. TRAVIS: We can get H. Jon Benjamin on this show, right? MATT: I’m all about it. I would love that. I love him so much. He’s so great. TALIESIN: Sometimes when you jump the shark, there’s just more sharks there. MATT: That’s great. There’s just a bunch of sharks. Stay turnt for the break. Catch a special video that Nerdist created in partnership with FX, creating our dream Archer: Danger Island board game at LDN to celebrate the new season. So check that out at the break. Our second sponsor and returning sponsor, our fantastic friends, eternally with this campaign, D&D Beyond. ALL: D&D Beyond! SAM: Yes! (stuttering) TRAVIS: False start, Redskins! SAM: D&D Beyond is raising money for our greatest, favorite charity, 826LA. They’re doing a big push now to raise money for this great organization that promotes literacy for young people everywhere and as part of the 826LA charity initiative, now that we’re way past our $10,000 tier, D&D Beyond has offered up the discount code “826LA” to get 25% off the Legendary Bundle. The Legendary Bundle includes all the digital materials available at D&D Beyond, so check it out now and as part of what they announced last week, D&D Beyond is contributing $100 to 826LA for every natural one we roll and to honor that– TRAVIS: Oh god. Oh no. MARISHA: What is that?! SAM: I’ve written a folk song. MARISHA: I didn’t know you played. LIAM: Three episodes from now, he’s going to bring in a gospel band. SAM: I don’t play. MATT: This Cold War escalation is going to kill us all. SAM: I need participation for this one, guys. ASHLEY: You got it. SAM: When I call for it, you have to say the number one. This is all in honor of us rolling ones, right? (singing) ♪ We’re– ♪ la la, hmm! (laughing) ♪ We’re rolling ones, rolling them every night. We’re rolling ones, ♪ rolling them every fight. How many times has Ashley been back? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: ♪ How many times has Caleb had a bath? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: ♪ How many testicles does Sam have? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: ♪ How many chords are there in this song? ♪ ALL: One! SAM: Two. ♪ What’s the past tense of win? ♪ ALL: Won! SAM: ♪ What’s Obi Kenobi’s middle name? ♪ ALL: Wan! SAM: ♪ What’s a synonym for pasty and pale? ♪ LIAM: Wan! SAM: Thank you, Liam. ♪ What will the Washington football team do when they face the Cowboys? ♪ TRAVIS: (yelling) Lose! Lose! SAM: ♪ Ones, rolling them every night. ♪ That’s it. (cheering and laughing) TRAVIS: Delete that shit! MATT: Thank you, Sam! Thank you, D&D Beyond. Thank you, our friends at FX and Archer. Running off that, too, to go off to 826 initiative that we’re doing right now for this very special fundraising campaign. Many thanks to one of our fantastic Critters, Mark K., who’s offered to match every single dollar that you donate, up to $40,000. Many other companies are offering to match donations as well, so as much as you can do, it’s going to expand progressively, so thank you for everything there. If you want to check it out, we’ve unlocked a bunch of tiers and we have a few more to unlock as well. Go to 826la.org/criticalrole, you see where we are and how you can help with their fantastic organization. Once again, reminder, Twitch Prime! If you have Amazon Prime, you can connect your Twitch account and get, once a month, free. Go ahead and give your patronage to a Twitch channel of your choice. That’s the word I was looking for. TRAVIS: It’s every month, right? You can’t toggle it, so it’s something that keeps happening? MARISHA: No, you have to do it every month, It’s really obnoxious. LAURA: But it’s free! MARISHA: It’s free! Everyone asks if it supports us, we get a lesser cut or more cut, it supports us the exact same way. MATT: Yeah. Off that note, we have new Twitch emotes available for those who are subscribed to the channel. Based on the various tiers, there are plenty of new emotes with the Mighty Nein related, as well as the nine itself on the dice. Look for that in the subscription tiers. Critical Recap, of course, is up if you need a refresher for campaign two, our fantastic Dani Carr does refreshers every episode. They come out the Thursdays before the episode. I’m sure if you were here earlier, you saw this week’s refresher of last week’s episode. If you need to get caught up or get your friends caught up quickly to watch live, that’s how you do so, so look for it on YouTube under Critical Recap. Not right now. Talks Machina, of course, every Tuesday evening, our fantastic Brian W. Foster will be hosting. Next Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific regarding tonight’s episode, so check that out. We will have a few cast members there to discuss the events that shall unfold before you later this evening. He also smells like cabbage. The podcast of episode 14 from last week is available for download for all fine podcast users out there. If you’re listening to the audio versions of it and you haven’t seen the last episode and you’re waiting for the podcast, well, you can listen to both and watch tonight. It would be really confusing, but you can. That’s an option now, so congratulations. I think that’s– Oh, the comic book that just came out. Issue six, which is fantastic. The final issue of our six episode arc of Vox Machina: Origins is available. Check it out if you haven’t yet, especially if you were waiting for them all to come out, now you can do that, and we’ll have news soon about an actual hard release you can hold in your hands. That’s exciting. LIAM: The glory of Grog in that issue. TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: Glory be to Grog. MATT: Don’t forget Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire comes out very soon, in just a few weeks. For those who haven’t played the first Pillars of Eternity, you don’t have to. The sequel gets you pretty up to speed if you haven’t played, but if you have, you can carry over your save from the previous one. I recommend you play it if you have the time. This one is amazing-looking. They partnered with us, all of us get to voice cast members of the new game and there’s free DLC where you get to download portraits and voice sets of Vox Machina from Critical Role to use in the game. LIAM: They have just teased the first Critical Role Vox Machina portrait of Pickle. MATT: That’s right. Pike’s portrait was unveiled. SAM: The full portrait? Not the pixelated one? LIAM: Everyone else is pixelated, but Pickle has been revealed. TRAVIS: Yeah! ASHLEY: I didn’t know that. MATT: If you want to preorder it, you can preorder it at versusevil.com/criticalrole, and that’s also where you can see the portrait. Super excited for that. I think with that, folks, our announcements are done. LAURA: Wait, I’m coughing tonight a lot, so if I do, everybody just stop and stare at me. So if I get up and leave, that’s what happened. I don’t want to have a coughing fit on screen. TRAVIS: Or you pooped your pants. LAURA: Or I pooped my pants. LIAM: You’re allowed to do any of those things. MATT: Awesome. Thank you for the update, Laura. LAURA: Yeah, sorry, I just wanted to put that out there. MATT: No, it’s good. With that, guys, let’s go ahead and get started with tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And welcome back, everyone. That was pretty weak. TRAVIS: I know. I’m sorry. MATT: Last time we left off, The Mighty Nein had gone towards The Evening Nip, where they had finally crawled into the subterranean, hidden, basement/tavern where The Gentleman does his business. You had encountered Yasha who joined back up with the party. You had a brief discussion with this Gentleman, which led to a bit of card-sharkery from Fjord’s end, a fair played game, made quite a bit of money and earned his favor. There you discussed what was to be done with this new arrangement. He took some blood as it was required of him to make sure that he could ensure– LAURA: Wait, what?! MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Just kidding, I was watching. MATT: You were watching. You guys said that you were possibly looking for furthering some sort of relationship for business purposes, but for now you had an individual who needed to be smuggled out. He said it would be fine, but one favor requires one in return and to prove yourself both capable and he had heard some tales of which you had done within Zadash. He requested that you go and inspect this newly discovered buried ruin, this series of chambers that exists on the outskirts of their underground river escape towards Berleben and the Ounterloch. You went ahead and retrieved Horris, brought him back. He was then, supposedly it seems to be so, sent off and escorted out of the city, safely– LAURA: (quietly) They killed him. MATT: They totally killed him. They probably killed him. SAM: But these criminals promised us! MATT: (laughs) You found yourself down towards the subterranean docks to this river. By the way, through all of this Molly was having a mild panic attack about his story, encountering Cree and apparently being called the name Lucien and Nonagon. LAURA: Nonagon. MATT: Upon making your way to the docks, you were given two boats and utilizing them to move further downstream towards where the exterior of this ruin was discovered. You all gathered your supplies and by the glowing orbs of Caleb’s Dancing Lights ahead of you, we left off with you traversing deeper and deeper down the dark tunnel and river. SAM: Do we remember which boat we were on? LAURA: I remember that Fjord asked me to be in his boat. TRAVIS: Don’t read into it. ASHLEY: I was with Caleb and Nott. MATT: Usually I do this just before the game and I totally forgot to. SAM: That’s okay! We can just do it now while people are watching you. MATT: That’s what I’m here for. That’s okay. LIAM: It’s like a real game! TRAVIS: Yeah, the boats were– LIAM: Yasha, Caleb, Nott? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: And Beau, Jester, Fjord. SAM: Great! Done. LAURA: Nonagon! (singing) Na na na-na. TALIESIN: It’s going to be in there, isn’t it? MATT: So Yasha, Caleb, Nott, and the other ship was Fjord, Jester, Beau, and Molly? LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Everybody have their stuff together? TRAVIS: Oh, gosh. Our ship is way better than you guys’. LAURA: Our ship is so colorful. LIAM: Dinghy battle! MARISHA: (laughs) Whack! MATT: Heading down the tunnel, the two boats, the width of it is just enough to fit both of you and occasionally you have to pick one or the other as it begins to pinch a bit and then expand. I will say due to weight, unless somebody wants to actively paddle, the boat with Caleb, Yasha, and Nott will probably be taking the lead in those moments. SAM: Yeah! LAURA: Although, I think probably, Fjord, I should be the one paddling the boat because I’m a bit stronger than you. TRAVIS: Well, that’s why you’re on the boat. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, did you think it was for another reason? LAURA: No, I just– no! LIAM: Yeah, Yasha, are you paddling? ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: Yeah, so we would be at the front of the boat going– TALIESIN: The back of the boat would actually be up a bit. TRAVIS: Bow up! MATT: Each couple of splashing sounds that hit as the oars hit the water and the occasional crack of the water against the brook or a rock in the center, you being to maneuver your way through this dark tunnel with just the low light that you’ve been applying. It gets colder and colder the further down the tunnel you go and while it is moist, you begin to see your breath just in general this low in the ground. LIAM: Terrible. SAM: Jesus, Laura. TRAVIS: Literally 12. LAURA: I’m glad I’m back. MATT: We are too, Laura. We are, too. It would take about a mile journey to get to where they said this would be, so you have a few minutes. Is there anything you guys wish to do, prepare? LAURA: Oh gosh! SAM: Prepare? Oh. TALIESIN: You’ve got your holy oil, right? SAM: Me? LAURA: Are we going to fight undead things? What is going on? MATT: You have time, you’re traveling! SAM: I forgot. Did you give me holy oil? TALIESIN: I believe or was it– MARISHA: You gave me holy oil and you holy oil. MATT: Holy water, not holy oil. SAM: I have it, apparently. Well, what am I supposed to do with it? TALIESIN: You throw it at something that looks evil. It’s pretty simple. SAM: Should I dip my bolts into it? TALIESIN: It doesn’t work that way, sadly. It’s not– MARISHA: It’s a like a splash grenade. TALIESIN: Water balloon with glass. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: How’s the light in here, by the way? MATT: The only light you have is the light from Caleb’s Dancing Lights which he’s re-upping as soon as it completes its one minute cycle each time. TRAVIS: Okay. LAURA: This is just like that scene in Tusk Love. SAM: Which scene? LAURA: The scene where the ship is sinking and Oskar and Genevieve have to paddle to shore! MARISHA: It was Guinevere. LAURA: Guinevere! That’s was it was. I remember Oskar a little more. Only Oskar was paddling in that one. LIAM: It is sad when ships sink. LAURA: It is. MARISHA: Where do you– why? LIAM: I don’t know. (laughter) MATT: So you guys continue– LIAM: (Pigeon cooing) MATT: –continue down the river for a short time. The river splits up for a bit and actually divides into two tunnels. SAM: Where are we going? LAURA: Should one of us go in one and one of us go in the other? LIAM: That seems not like a good idea. SAM: I know something about sailing! The right one is the bow and the left one is the stern. LAURA: Should we go in the bow or the stern? TRAVIS: Is there water running to the left or the right? Does it look like it picks up current on either side? MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage because of the low light. TRAVIS: Oh, that’s a fucking two. That’s four. Yeah. MATT: Hard to tell at this distance and it’s coming up quickly. LAURA: Can we feel more wind coming from either side? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM and LAURA: Wind. TRAVIS: Water! MARISHA: Heart! LAURA: 21! MATT: 21? It does not appear that the wind is picking up one way or the other, but it’s approaching very quickly. TALIESIN: Is the general feeling of supernatural unease coming from either of the– or any signs of–? I know that we’re going to be facing probably some will-o’-wisps or something like that. LAURA: You should row backwards too, Yasha. MATT: I mean, the general sense of ominous dark, future tunnel, but there’s nothing supernatural about the darkness ahead of you. TRAVIS: Anyone have a preference? TALIESIN: Any sound coming from either of them? MARISHA: Do I notice any textures on any walls? They talked about the north side of the wall being more textured and having a pattern. MATT: That being what gave them the idea that that’s where this is. That’s where the entrance to this– TRAVIS: We’re heading east right? MATT: You guys are heading east, yeah, a northeast path. SAM: Well, we’re in the lead boat and Yasha’s paddling, so Yasha, it’s up to you! ASHLEY: I’m rowing back. LAURA: I think left. MARISHA: Try the north side. ASHLEY: I go right. No, I’m just kidding! I’ll go to the left. MATT: So as you’re paddling backwards, Yasha adjusts the oar and changes the trajectory of the boat and heads it toward the left path. Do you follow suit? LAURA: Should I follow them? TRAVIS: Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Good oar work! TRAVIS: It’s like a steering wheel! LIAM: Nice, Carrot Top, nice. MARISHA: We’re on a jet ski; this is great! MATT: Most spastic rowing partner ever. Heading down the water path does pick up a little speed and seems to dip suddenly before picking up with a mild splash but you catch yourself. MARISHA: (whispers) We’re on Pirates of the Caribbean! MATT: It slows down a little bit and you start seeing a few rocks that break the surface and you have to maneuver around them. One you push off with the oar to make sure that your boat doesn’t strike it. You’re not going fast enough to where it would damage the actual boat, but it could list and get stuck on it if you were to not be careful. You push off, thankfully because you both have light sources here. LIAM: Yasha, can you use your oar to see how deep we are? Does it touch bottom? MATT: Okay, it gets just to the very edge of the oar before it touches bottom. SAM: How long are the oars? MATT: The oars are about five feet long. LAURA: So you’d be fucked. SAM: Thanks. TRAVIS: Can you swim? Can you swim, Nott? SAM: No! What?! ASHLEY: Well, you could get on my shoulders if you– SAM: I’m not going to get in the water, don’t worry! MARISHA: Have you been practicing any of the techniques that we tried out? SAM: Yeah, I’ve been practicing one technique! It’s called wearing this ring of water walking! (laughter) MARISHA: Sure, that’s good! SAM: Tried and true! LIAM: Unfucked! TALIESIN: You could literally be walking along side of the boat. SAM: Oh, that’s a good idea! Can I ghost ride the whip? LIAM: Excuse me, you could be stealthing ahead at this moment. SAM: Oh! I’m going to gingerly– TRAVIS: Oh my god, please. SAM: Just ghost ride. TRAVIS: Barefoot ski. SAM: Barefoot it onto the water and see what happens. MATT: On the water? Okay. As you reach over the edge of the boat and slowly lower your tiny goblin feet across the surface, breaking the water (water splashing). (cheering) MATT: Go ahead and make a general dexterity check for me, please. SAM: Ooh, not good, but it’s dexterity, so six? MATT: Okay. SAM: This is fun! Hand me a rope, I’ll water ski! MATT: As you’re so entranced by this, you glance down just in time to see one of those stones that’s protruding from the river seems to have come out of nowhere. Before you have a minute to punch off, it hits you across the knee and bruises the heck out of it. Your whole leg starts throbbing and you’re like, “Ah!” So your skiing is now (crashing splashes) underneath. SAM: All right, I’ll try to pull myself back up? MATT: All right, it takes you a moment and Caleb, you go and help get Nott up onto the boat, but as you do, a little water logged, the water splashed over your face a bit. SAM: Jesus, that’s an intense water ski. MATT: Because at that moment the lights go out. As soon as you pull Nott up into the ship, there’s a brief moment where Nott breathes and looks back up with a smile about to say thank you before you see, out of the corner of your eye, one of the stalagmites at the top of the ceiling detach, float down and open up, almost like an umbrella before it lands and collapses on top of Nott. LAURA: (gasps) It’s just like the rug! SAM: Ah! What happened? What’s going on? MATT: With advantage because it was with a surprise attack on that one, so that would be a 19 to hit. What’s your armor class? SAM: Of course that hits. Yes. MATT: All right, Nott. That is five points of bludgeoning damage and it is attached to you. You now see a pitch black and gray spined octopus-type creature, that looks from the exterior like any other part of the cavern wall, but has these deep sunk red eyes at the top of its base and it’s completely wrapped around the top of Nott, and is currently crushing down on top of her. I need you all to roll initiative. LIAM: In the boat? LAURA: Oh my god! LIAM: I had these miniatures. I forget what they’re called. ASHLEY: Oh, that’s terrible! LIAM: I dropped my Colville meteorite! SAM: We’re already in it? We just started! TRAVIS: That’s the best! MARISHA: Oh, that’s cool! LIAM: Oh! I got a 20! MATT: It doesn’t count if it’s on the floor, dude. TRAVIS: There are limits! MATT: There are! LIAM: Oh, I got a one! SAM: Wait, we’re rolling ones! That’s $100! (cheering) LAURA: I rolled a one, too! (cheering) ASHLEY: That’s $300? SAM: Two. ASHLEY: Wait, did you roll a one? SAM: No. ASHLEY: Oh, okay, sorry. I got excited. LIAM: The 20 would have been nice though. ASHLEY and TRAVIS: What is math? MATT: Molly, roughly where are you on this board? TALIESIN: I would assume I’m in the middle. MATT: All right. Fjord and Beau in that order? TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s good. LIAM: That’s so cool! ASHLEY: This is awesome! LAURA: Oh, cool. I like the cat just like blah. MATT: You now see this entity has fallen and latched on to Nott. So in that degree. SAM: Jesus. TRAVIS: Uh oh. MATT: All right, 25 to 20? TRAVIS: Nobody. MATT: 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 15. SAM: Wow. That’s it? We suck. MARISHA: We did bad. LAURA: We rolled real bad. MATT: 15 to ten. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Hold on, 15 to ten. SAM: Ten. Whoa. What? You guys are all single digits? Oh boy! ASHLEY: I always roll shit initiative. SAM: You do. You really do. ASHLEY: I don’t know what– MATT: Historically. ASHLEY: Yes. MATT: All right. Ten to five. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Beau at nine. TALIESIN: Seven. LAURA: Five. MATT: Wow! Molly, Jester. That’s everybody, right? ASHLEY: Four. I rolled four. MATT: And four. LIAM: Und Ein. LAURA: You don’t have any initiative? LIAM: Oh, do I? Oh sure, two. LAURA: Okay, so you rolled a three. Good job. LIAM: No, no. Plus one, so now it’s two. ASHLEY: What’s a two in German? LIAM, TALIESIN, and LAURA: Zwei. SAM, TALIESIN, LAURA: Eins, zwei, drei. SAM: That’s it. That’s all the numbers in German. MATT: Caleb, you’re holding up the rear? LIAM: Ja. Of course. TRAVIS: Oh god, I’m first? MATT: First and foremost, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Yeah, right, okay. MATT: It has completely attached itself, and the end of its tendrils coming to these pointed hook protrusions, this thick flesh webbing between each of these tentacles that form the umbrella-type shape, have all engulfed most of Nott, and you hear the muffled (muffled yelling) from within, and the little bit of the feet trying desperately to hold onto the boat and maintain balance. TRAVIS: Jesus. Do I have a clear line of sight to Nott and octopus fuck? MATT: You do. TRAVIS: Okay. I won’t hit Caleb, right? MATT: Probably not. You know what you’re doing. LAURA: It looks like no, I’m seeing your angle. LIAM: I’m pretty sturdy though, so I wouldn’t sweat it. TRAVIS: As I’m looking, is it Nott and then octopus behind it, or is it enveloping him so I can’t– MATT: No, it’s enveloped, and is currently wrapped around. TRAVIS: All right. I’m going to send an Eldritch Blast towards the octopus. SAM, ASHLEY, and TALIESIN: (muffled yelling) SAM: Not again! LAURA: Oh, my glasses are in my car, shit. TRAVIS: That’s a 21 to hit. MATT: That hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That is 1d10. That is eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage, nice. Does that end your turn? TRAVIS: Yes. SAM: Do I take any of that? MATT: No, you do not. SAM: Oh! TALIESIN: That’s nice. TRAVIS: Actually, with my bonus action, can I cast Hex on umbrella fuck? MATT: You cannot, unfortunately, because– Well, no, because Eldritch Blast is a cantrip, so you can. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Yes you can. TRAVIS: Woo! That’s 1d– MATT: Well, you would have had to have done that first. TRAVIS: That’s right. That’s on the next thing, right. MATT: Correct. But next time it gets hit by you, you can add extra damage. TRAVIS: Copy that. MATT: Okay. That finishes your go. LAURA: Oh, it’s like Hunter’s Mark. MATT: Now it’s their turn. Being attached to there, the strange darkmantle-like beast– TRAVIS: Can it have disadvantage on strength checks? MATT: It can, sure. TRAVIS: I never said that before. I got to remember. MATT: Yep. There you go. strength checks it is. All right. MARISHA: It’s okay. It’s not that big a deal. MATT: You watch as it begins to slowly crush around Nott, instead its eyes flash red, and you watch as a familiar-looking orb of blackness emanates from it, completely filling this space with darkness. So at the moment, everyone on that boat is blind. ASHLEY: Wait, I don’t think I can– since I have danger sense, can I be blinded? MATT: You can be blinded, but you have advantage on dexterity saving throws against things that you see. ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM: But do you see it? MARISHA: So it did like an ink cloud. MATT: Essentially, but a magical darkness that radiates outside of it. Another one going towards the source of the beam of light that had emitted and damaged its ally sweeps down towards Fjord and attempts to go ahead and wrap around. TRAVIS: Shit! MATT: That is going to be 21 to hit. TRAVIS: That definitely hit. MATT: You take five points of bludgeoning damage as well– LAURA: Wait, another one came down on Fjord? MATT: And attaches itself to Fjord, yeah. LAURA: Oh, no. TRAVIS: (muffled yelling) LAURA: It’s going to make us blind too, we got to kill it quick. MATT: That brings us to Nott, you’re up. SAM: Can I try to get out of the grapple? Is that a thing that I can do? MATT: You can attempt to. You have to make a strength check to do so. SAM: All right. I will push with all my little might against the creepy– Ooh! Just a strength check? MATT: Yes, a strength check. SAM: 18! MATT: Yeah, that’ll do it. So you manage to break free from its grasp. SAM: (yell) That’s my action. MATT: Yep. SAM: I can’t see it. MATT: Nope, it is just darkness. You push it off of you, and you still have nothing before you. You didn’t see the darkness emit from it, you’ve just thrown it off and you’re still blind. It’s a little off putting to you at the moment. SAM: Okay, I’ll spend the rest of my turn trying to figure out if that was caused by just touching the water. Because I’m not sure what happened. MATT: Okay, you throw the creature off, whatever is on you, and it’s just darkness around you. You start reaching out for some sort of sign of something in your vicinity. SAM: Sure. MATT: Are you holding an action? SAM: I used my action to– MATT: No, that’s right. That’s your turn. That brings us to Beau. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to go (mild screaming) and do a straight whack on it. Sorry Fjord, it’s on you! Ooh, that’s a natural 19. 25. MATT: 25 hits, roll damage. SAM: We’ll remember where they are. It’s fine, just leave them. MARISHA: What is it? 1d– that’s not great, six damage. MATT: Six point of damage to that one, all right. It’s glomped onto Fjord’s head, the rest of it pulling and wrapping into the insides of his armor. You hit it just above where– you feel the impact, Fjord, but it’s mostly absorbed by the strange, rubbery, flesh exterior of this creature. TRAVIS: Ow. MARISHA: Did I hurt you? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Okay! (whack) I deck him right across the face. Yeah, I’ll take that, 16. MATT: That’ll hit, roll damage. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: It’s like getting punched with a motorcycle helmet on. MARISHA: Seven damage. MATT: Nice. You clock both this creature and Fjord across the chin. No damage to you, Fjord, but you are a bit dizzy from the impact in the darkness around your face. TRAVIS: (strained) I feel like that was personal. MARISHA: Ah, one more. I’m going to do flurry of blows. SAM: Oh boy. TRAVIS: (impacts) MATT: Essentially. MARISHA: That’s a natural 17. That’s a four, eight damage. MATT: Eight damage, nice. TRAVIS: Sick, good turn. LIAM: We are level four. Eight damage, sick. MATT: After you deck the darkmantle across the face and Fjord, you backhand with a full back fist blow to the side. You see it almost detach, and it’s looking like it’s scrambling to hold on. That finishes your turn? MARISHA: Uh-huh. TRAVIS: I am definitely woozy. MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: That brings us to Molly. TALIESIN: I’m going to take out my swords, and just I’m going to try and cleave some of these tentacles off. See if I can start to get it to lose its grip. I’m going to take my first shot. I’m going to stop saying that. That’s a 23 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. SAM: (gunshot) TALIESIN: Thank you. Nine points of damage. MATT: As you take the blade and swing, you cut down pretty close to where Fjord’s head is. As you cleave through the body actually splits, revealing Fjord’s face. As it limply falls off into the water slinking into the sludge. LAURA: It looks like he was being born. TRAVIS: Thanks. TALIESIN: Welcome! We probably should head towards the other one. MATT: That ends your turn, Molly? TALIESIN: That ends my turn. MATT: All righty, that brings us to Jester. LAURA: I can’t see anything on the other side. MATT: No, you can just see darkness. TALIESIN: But we can boat in there. LAURA: Yeah, I mean I will move the boat closer up. MATT: Make a strength check. LAURA: Oh, that was terrible, six. MATT: Six, okay. You struggle, it doesn’t seem to get purchase. You’re confused by this. LAURA: I can’t move the boat, y'all. MATT: Well, it’s a lot going on in the moment and you’re trying to figure out what to do. You don’t quite have the gumption to get it catching up relatively fast. So it goes just five feet. LAURA: Okay. Does that count as an action or a movement? MATT: That would be your action on that one. LAURA: Cool. SAM: Welcome back, Laura. LAURA: Thanks. This is fun, guys. All right, then I’m going to save– LIAM: Mistress of the Hunt. LAURA: Yeah. That’s what I got, I guess. Yeah. Sweet. MATT: That ends Jester’s turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay, well, I guess I wouldn’t know this. His went into the water? MATT: Well no, you have no idea. LAURA: Did you hear a splash? MATT: You watched as it slip around Nott and darkness envelop it, and that’s all you know. TRAVIS: You heard a (yelp) (impact). MATT: You know the general direction of where it is. ASHLEY: Okay, can I use the Light cantrip and see if I can make some light in the darkness? Or wait. Because I’m a Light Bearer. MATT: You are. You spend your action to create the Light cantrip. You watch as it flickers for a second and the darkness consumes the light. The spell has no effect. ASHLEY: Okay, I don’t know if I can still do this as a bonus action. Can I try to slowly move us a little forward? MATT: Yeah, if you want to. Well, that’s an action to do that, technically, so you couldn’t. You used your action to do the Light cantrip, unfortunately. ASHLEY: Okay. Yeah, okay. MATT: So that’s your turn? ASHLEY: Yeah that’s my turn. MATT: Okay, Caleb you’re up. LIAM: I went from being able to see almost nothing to seeing nothing. I heard Nott get scholpped in and then I heard some cry. So I raise up the glove of blasting and I’m going to fire at where I think this thing is. LAURA: Oh no. SAM: I’m dead. MATT: That’s Scorching Ray for that? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Three attacks. LIAM: Three strikes at disadvantage. MATT: All at disadvantage because you’re blind. LIAM: That’s correct. Okay, good. For the first is 16. MATT: 16 hits. LIAM: Yeah, let me do them all. 11. MATT: 11 just hits. LIAM: Und 15. MATT: All three hit, actually, even blinded. LIAM: (frantic noises) Plus that is ten. The total is 13. MATT: 13 points of damage. All together, right? Nope. It loses concentration on its darkness. (cheering) MATT: But is still standing. You watch as the darkness flickers out of the way. There’s flames burning around the outside and three giant singe marks on the outside of its rubbery skin. It’s floating in the air there for a second before it’s going back in for a swoop against the one who recently singed it. LIAM: Okay, before it hits me, I’ll say I sit down on the bench and just go (whimper). MATT: All right, that ends your turn, top of the round. The boats continue further downstream. TALIESIN: What are those things on the side? LAURA: Oh. SAM: Those are just rocks. LAURA: That’s not a rock. SAM: It’s fine. It’s rocks. MATT: Top of the round, Fjord, it’s you. TRAVIS: I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself. MATT: You watch as the moisture from the air and some of the water droplets from the river, from the splashing of the boat suddenly stick up and congeal in ice form around the outside of Fjord’s body. TRAVIS: Hex is still maintained on that bastard, right? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: So I can roll 1d6. Or do I, for the– I cast Hex on the one that was on Nott. MATT: It only takes the 1d6 damage when you damage it. TRAVIS: Oh shit, right. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. Another one swoops down and is going to attempt to envelope the one that scorched its ally. LIAM: I am a monk, it’s fine. MATT: That’s going to be a 14 to hit. LIAM: Yeah, of course it hits. MATT: You take nine points of bludgeoning damage and it is attached to you. LIAM: Yeah that’s wunderbar. MATT: The one that is still existing is going to attempt to attach to you once again, Nott. SAM: No! MATT: That’s going to be a 12 to hit. SAM: Does not. MATT: That is a miss. LAURA and SAM: Yay. LAURA: Things are looking up, you guys. MATT: That ends their go. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I will, seeing the one on Caleb, spin around and fire my hand crossbow at that one. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make an attack with disadvantage, because you are in melee with another creature. The other creature that tried to grapple you is right up against you. So it is still harrying you when you’re trying to fire. SAM: Disadvantage. LIAM: Does she get sneak attack since I’m adjacent to that? MATT: Yeah, if she hits. SAM: It was going to be good, ten. MATT: Ten does not hit, unfortunately. You attempt to fire and at the last minute it shifts out of the way. You can see Caleb’s chest exposed to where you were aiming, and you pull back and fire wide off into the darkness. SAM: Then I’ll turn again and shoot with my bonus action at the one that I’m engaged with. MATT All righty. SAM: Disadvantage, right? MATT: Yes. SAM: So 20 to hit. MATT: 20 does hit. You don’t get sneak attack, however, because this guy is not engaged with anyone else. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: I will still say: Get off of my boat. I cause two points of damage. Oh wait, no! Six points of damage. LIAM: One question, is Frumpkin by the thing? Because Frumpkin is an ally. MATT: I don’t know if Frumpkin– LIAM: I know that I have read that Frumpkin can help me give me advantage. SAM: But he is not engaged, is he? LIAM: Whatever you want. MATT: I’d say for now, given the fact that Frumpkin is in a small boat and the creature is flying up, I would not consider it harrying the entity enough to grant sneak attack. But it doesn’t matter. Because that was enough to finish it off. It had already been damaged quite a bit in the previous round. So as you fire your final crossbolt into that one it (impact) (splash) into the river below. You watch as it sink below the water as your boat begins to scoot by (scraping noise) and begins grinding against this center stone here in the middle of the river. It’s just barely making its way around. Finishing that, that’s the end of Nott’s turn, Beau you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, is the one still next to me? That was attacking Fjord. MATT: No, that one has been slaughtered. There is one on Caleb over there. MARISHA: Oh, there’s one on Caleb. He’s still on top of him? MATT: It is currently attached to him around his head, yeah. MARISHA: I’m probably not within five feet. MATT: Nope. There’s probably about a ten foot distance between you and the other boat. LAURA: Leap for it! MARISHA: Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. I’m going to do some cool monk shit! I’m going to– SAM: Why do I get disadvantage? LAURA: Because it’s a ranged attack. SAM: Yeah, but I ignore all disadvantage with my Crossbow Expert feat. MATT: Oh that’s right, because you got a feat for it. SAM: Yeah. MATT: So you would not have disadvantage on that. TALIESIN: Okay. SAM: Well, next time. MATT: Well, we’ll let you roll damage for Caleb’s because it did work. SAM: That’s going to be a lot of damage. MATT: I forgot that you had gotten that feat. Go for it. SAM: Wait, I don’t even remember what I rolled. MATT: The first one was high the second one was low. SAM: All right. That’s a lot. It’s 20 points of damage. LIAM: I would say leave me in that motherfucker. TALIESIN: That was an intense roll right now. SAM: It’s okay, I don’t need it. MATT: So with that one moment as Beau’s preparing, you manage one blast of the crossbow that strikes square into one of the eyes of the creature. You hear this this strange guttural pain sound as it’s still holding onto Caleb, but seems to have taken a big hit. On your turn, Beau? MARISHA: (confused battle cry) Continuing on, I’m going to leap across and see if I can do a jump and a slap with the staff on top. MATT: For the purposes of this, roll an acrobatics check. This is a more parkour off of the boat using the weight. LIAM: This is your jam. MARISHA: Parkour. TRAVIS: The boat goes (bobbing in water). LIAM: Get it, Altaïr. TRAVIS: Sail! MARISHA: 14. MATT: So you jump, skip off the ground and– LAURA: Skip off the ground?! MATT: On the small stone in the center there and use the momentum from that with the staff swinging, go ahead make your strike against the– MARISHA: I’m going to swing upwards. Yep, that’s a natural 16, so 21. I don’t know why I rolled that die, that’s not necessary. Nine damage. MATT: Nine damage. With that, you manage to slap that one into two separate pieces that go slapping and sliding against the wall and splatter and begin to slick down the side of the cavern exterior. MARISHA: I take my staff and I wipe it on Caleb. MATT: Your hair’s slick back from the blood from the impact and the wound that gets taken. LIAM: In a split second before when I heard a blunt (impact): Oh, that was Beau. MARISHA: Sorry, are you all right? Your head’s okay? LIAM: I’m feeling pretty good. I feel streamlined. MARISHA: Yeah, the oil’s working for you. LIAM: Yeah, I clean up well. MARISHA: Yeah, very dapper. MATT: Ending Beau’s turn, Beau, Caleb, Molly, and Jester you hear this mild rumble, and you watch as from the somewhat rocky outside of the two sides of the wall these large figures begin to burst from the exterior and begin to slowly make their way towards the edge. So their action and movement puts them right up to there, and this one moves up to there. LAURA: Earth elementals? MATT: You see them covered in greenish algae and vines. They look like they’re made of earth and stone. You’re not certain what the nature of what they are. They’re bottom heavy and crawling across the ground and pulling their body forward. You’re not even sure if they have feet. LAURA: (screaming) SAM: Good gravy. MATT: They’re coming up to the edge of the river. That’s going to end Beau’s turn. Molly, you’re up. LAURA: Oh my god. TALIESIN: Oh. (laughter) TRAVIS: You did a– TALIESIN: Sure, I know. Are they within striking distance? MATT: They’re not yet, no. TALIESIN: I’m going to hold my action until something’s within striking distance. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I will also say I’m at least going to back up to the side of the boat where I’m far enough away from that thing as humanly possible. MATT: Okay. Well, that’s where Jester is. TALIESIN: Oh, well fine. MATT: So you’re like, “Oh!” Jester still has the oars in place. Does that finish your turn? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: All righty, Jester your turn. LAURA: Oh gosh. Well, I hate to use my action to do anything else, but I should probably try to get away from the thing that’s on the shore, huh? SAM: You’re going to action row? LAURA: I’m going to action row! MATT: All right, make a strength check please. LAURA: Strength check! SAM: Oar Master. LAURA: That’s a good one. That’s just Jester’s strength. That’s a 22. MATT: Oh shit! Jester is power rowing as it begins to (motor whir) down the river to about there. LIAM: Half of the skiff. TRAVIS: Got to go! MATT: You scoot by. The entity gets to the edge of the water and then watches it pass, its body shifting. It looks powerful, but it looks slow-moving. LAURA: I’m going to use my bonus action to turn around and go: Eat shit, rock face! MATT: Perfect. That ends Jester’s turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: All right. Yeah, I’m going to try to– MATT: Maneuver around? ASHLEY: Maneuver around. SAM: Smash into their boat? MATT: Go ahead and make a strength check. LIAM: Still the only light in here are my four globules, correct? MATT: Correct, which actually you had to roll a concentration check for. LAURA: Oh god. LIAM: Not so good. ASHLEY: 19. LIAM: Nine. MATT: All right, so it is dark in here. Remember the Dancing Lights is concentration. SAM: Can we see anything? MATT: No, it is now absolutely pitch dark. LAURA: It’s pitch dark?! MATT: It’s pitch dark, yeah. TALIESIN: Didn’t you cast a Light spell? ASHLEY: I did. LAURA: It got eaten by the darkness. MATT: Yeah, it dispels the Light, unfortunately. It doesn’t encapsulate it. It dispels it. So you begin rowing in the direction in the darkness. What’d you roll? ASHLEY: 19. MATT: 19? Oh yeah. Without issue, you can row past and just begin to get beyond your friends there. LAURA: We crash into each other and get stuck. Ah, let me go! MATT: That’s going to end Yasha’s go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: (foomphs) MATT: Okay, a couple lights go up again. You guys go from darkness to immediate light again and behind you see the two creatures dragging themselves forward by their upper body. LIAM: I scrabble back and squish in with Nott at the front of the boat. MATT: Okay. Top of the round now. The water carries the boats further down– SAM: We might be okay. MATT: To about there. LAURA: I think those things are going to get us. MARISHA: Eventually. MATT: We’ll say here, with the movement of the creatures, actually, they can’t catch up, because you guys managed to push ahead. SAM: Action row! MARISHA: Full Winklevoss twins! MATT: For the purposes of cinematic movement on this, you guys continue to row as hard as you can, looking back with the light pushed towards the back to give a view. They are failing to keep up with both Yasha and Jester keeping the ships going at full speed. Eventually, they both stop and begin to back up, heading back towards the vicinity where they had originally emerged, disappearing into the shadows and darkness behind you. SAM: We’ll never know what they were, what they could have done! LAURA: I know. Actually, I’m feeling a little guilty for calling him– What if he just wanted to be friends? SAM: That’s true. Maybe they had information for us. MARISHA: You’re feeling guilty for calling him rock-face, but not for telling him to eat shit? I like that. That’s great. LIAM: Bye! MATT: As the sounds of the underground river begin to fill your senses once more, you settle and listen, and the quiet, aside from the slow rushing of the river, is all you hear. Who’s at the front of each boat keeping an eye out? TRAVIS: I’m at the front of ours. MATT: Fjord moves to the front of that boat. Who’s at the front of the other? LIAM: I guess I am. MATT: I would like you both to make a perception check, please. SAM: Crazy roll there, Travis. TRAVIS: Forget that. I get to reroll. That’s a natural one. (cheering) LIAM: 12. MATT: 12. Okay. As you guys are moving along, Fjord, mildly distracted, partially from the mist that is rising up from the ice and armor– MARISHA: Drinking a drink with cold ice. MATT: Caleb, you focus off to the side, and to the north side of the riverbank you see a shift in texture and a mild rock slide. Part of the wall has caved in a bit and is now pushing into part of the river. LIAM: Halt. Wait. Stop. SAM: He says to stop! LAURA: I’m trying! SAM: Action brakes! LAURA: (squeals) LIAM: Can you fight against the current for a moment? LAURA: Yeah, we’re rowing backwards. LIAM: Okay, it’s going to get dark in here for a second, all right? But don’t worry. I drop the globules and I cast Detect Magic. MATT: Okay. So as you focus on– What’s the range on that one? LIAM: It is only 30 feet. MATT: 30 feet, okay. As you guys drift lazily down the course of the river– LAURA: Slowly. LIAM: I’m focusing, obviously, on the rock slide that you just described. MATT: As you move in that direction past the rock slide, you get a faint source of magic further beyond that rock slide. LIAM: Beyond the rock slide? MATT: You get a better look at it. Actually, you don’t get a better look because you don’t have light. LIAM: That’s on one side of the passage that we are in? MATT: That’s on the north side of it, yes. LIAM: If I crane my neck in the other direction, is there anything on that side? MATT: Nope. Nothing of magical essence on that side of the chamber. LIAM: All right, well, in the darkness, you hear: There is something of an arcane nature in the middle of those rocks that were ahead of us. What do you want to do? Do you want to go scrabbling in the dirt or do you want to keep going forward? It could be something beneficial or it could be terrible. SAM: Are there sides of the river? LIAM: Nobody can see anything right now. MATT: Those with darkvision get a better view as they get closer. At this point, you’ve gotten close enough for your magical essence so you get a view of this, Nott. You can see on the northern side of it, the cavern wall that has been slowly shifting through millennia of mineral buildup changes into bits of solid, smooth stone and a portion of it collapsed into what this rock slide is. MARISHA: We were looking for a collapse. A change in texture. SAM: We should go investigate. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: This is it. LAURA: Should we park the boats? TALIESIN: Let’s park the boats. LAURA: Can we have some light? LIAM: Does anyone have a torch? I would prefer to keep this up for the time being. ASHLEY: I pull out a torch. MATT: Yasha ignites a torch. The fire burns brightly and the interior of this chamber now is very easy to see the details around you. The water is still cruising by as you guys begin to make your way up along the shore a bit, stepping off to the side of the river and pulling the boats up on the rocks. They’re not going to continue to be carried down by the stream. SAM: I’m going to take my old little dry flowers and just stick them in his gross, ichor-y hair. LIAM: Do I look like The Gentleman right now? MATT: The Gentleman on hard times, maybe. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: A little less blue. LIAM: It’s not that weird. MATT: Past about a roughly ten-foot wide portion of this wall that has fallen in, part of the ceiling has come in and above it is just dirt. It’s loose rock and pieces of well-carved stone and masonry that have been destroyed, apparently upon exiting whatever was beyond this wall. LIAM: Can I see what was giving me the arcane signature? MATT: You feel it on the opposite, the other side of this rock slide. LAURA: Can we clear out these rocks? TRAVIS: I think we just need to get closer. LAURA: But we’re right here. LIAM: Yeah. What about you two beefcakes? Can you move these stones out of the way? ASHLEY and LAURA: (grunting) MATT: Both of you make athletics checks to get through the endurance of pulling these stones out of the way. LAURA: Well, that’s totally cocked, that was terrible. Athletics? MATT: Yes. ASHLEY: 16. LAURA: 13. MATT: Between the two of you, about ten minutes pass as you watch your two beefy companions, one after another, moving large stones and rocks, scooping them out of the way, some spilling and rolling into the water, other ones being pushed off to the side. LIAM: Question, because the spell that I cast only lasts ten minutes, somewhere around the eight or nine minute mark, do I see– You said it was on the other side of the rock slide, so are they uncovering anything before the spell is gone? MATT: I’d say about the time it begins to fade, you guys begin to see a faint purple glow through a breach of this slide leading into the next chamber. It’s a very faint pinkish purple light source. SAM: Like coming from another room? MATT: Coming from that room. It looks like there’s a room or a chamber beyond. LIAM: So not a door, but just a passageway? MATT: You’re just starting to expose it a bit. All you’re seeing is the light and stone on the opposite end. But there is a gap. There’s about a ten-foot space between where you’re starting to see this and where you see the light reflecting on whatever this other surface is within. About then, your spell fades. LIAM: The torch is still up. MATT: The torch is still up, yeah. You guys manage to pull the stones from it, the final bits leaving just enough of a space where you can crawl through independently. You are now looking into the center of a spiral staircase. TRAVIS: I remember they said they threw an explosive behind them and dropped even more, so this won’t be the first rock slide. MARISHA: They said that the glowing orbs that made the men collapse were purple. SAM: This all checks out. We are in the right place. TALIESIN: Does that sound like a will-o’-wisp? MATT: Will-o’-wisps generally fade like a dull yellow-green color. TALIESIN: Does this ring any bells, then? MATT: Not particularly. As you begin to move beyond, you can look up inside this spiral staircase. Above you and about two feet up the corner, there is a wrought iron cage that is built into the wall, containing a small crystal-like stone that is purple in color that is giving off this light source. LAURA: Ooh. Hey, Caleb, look! Don’t you want to steal that? It’s probably magic. LIAM: It’s possible that I will want to steal it, but can I make anything out? Does it look like anything that I have read about or encountered before? MATT: There have been different artifacts that have been enchanted with equivalents of either Continuous Flame or a magic that themselves can emanate light. The way it’s affixed to here, it looks like it’s designed to be a general light source. LIAM: So it’s a glow stick. MATT: Essentially, yeah. It’s a purple glow stick. TRAVIS: Well, let’s get in there. LIAM: But it’s in an iron cage? MATT: Like a small iron cage that is bolted into the stone. MARISHA: That’s a nice sconce. LIAM: Let’s continue on. MATT: Okay, you have two directions. Up or down? LAURA: Would you want to go up? TRAVIS: Wait, we’re in the spiral staircase and it goes– MATT: It goes up or down. You pull through and begin to find your way into the spiral staircase. It’s about, roughly, eight or ten feet wide as it continues downward. It also continues upward. You’re entering partway through the staircase. SAM: Oh. TRAVIS: We can’t see around the bend to how far down it goes, right? Is it an open spiral staircase or just a wall? MATT: No, no. It’s closed. There’s an actual column in the center of it so you have to traverse up or down to get more of a view of where it leads. LIAM: Before we leave this little cage, does it look bolted into place? LAURA: It’s a couple flights up, though, you said? MATT: Well, no. It’s just right around the corner on the edge, locked into the central pillar. TRAVIS: We can only see as far up as the curves go in either direction. MATT: Yeah. It looks like the edges of the cage where the metal has been bent– LIAM: It’s small? MATT: It’s small. It’s about that big and it’s pressed into the stone, like the stone was probably ground into various holes and then the iron was put in there and then sealed in. You don’t know how easy or hard it would be to remove. TRAVIS: Unless it lets people know when something crosses in front of it. LIAM: Maybe later. Let’s continue on. Which way do we want to go? LAURA: Let’s go down. Usually scarier things are down. MARISHA: I’m always a fan of going down. TALIESIN: More expensive things tend to be up, but I’m happy to start with down. SAM: Gross. Just gross. MARISHA: What? SAM: You’re super gross. TALIESIN: I didn’t even catch that! LIAM: You have one setting. Naughty. SAM: Offensive! TRAVIS: We’re going to head downwards. MATT: All right. What is the marching order heading downward? SAM: We’re going down? Do you need me to check for traps? TRAVIS: Yeah, please. LAURA: Yeah, so Nott in front. MATT: Nott in front. Who’s after Nott? ASHLEY: I’ll go behind Nott. SAM: I’ll take a big swig of shitty alcohol. MATT: Okay. Who’s after Yasha? LAURA: I guess I can be after Yasha. MATT: All right. Jester after Yasha. TRAVIS: I’m right in the middle. TALIESIN: I’m after Jester or after Fjord. TRAVIS: Where do you want to be? MARISHA: I’ll take up the rears. SAM: (deep voice) I always take up the rears. ASHLEY: I’m always a fan of the rears. LIAM: Yeah, I was going to say not the back, but I will let the bruiser walk behind me. MATT: So Beau’s at the back keeping an eye open. As you guys slowly step down the stone stairs, deeper and deeper still– SAM: Check for traps! MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. TRAVIS: That’s cocked as hell. SAM: Is that cocked? As hell? MATT: Is there a number up top? SAM: There is, but now it just moved. MATT: Roll it again. SAM: Well, that’s a natural 20. (laughter) SAM: That’s an embarrassing 20. MATT: You guys continue down for about 40 feet or so, very slowly, very carefully, as Nott inspects each individual step, eyes lurking around looking for any signs of uneven stone, of gaps between the mason work. Nothing catches your attention. You hit the very base of the stairway before it evens out. There is a small intermediate chamber that’s about 15 feet wide and only about five feet– sorry. 15 feet long and about five feet wide, and then a thin hallway about four or five feet wide that goes on for about 25 feet. You don’t see anything beyond that. There is no light other than the torch light that you have currently. SAM: It’s 15 feet long? MATT: So as you exit the stairs– LIAM: The shaft is. MATT: It’s essentially five feet to each way on the ends. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: (laughing) No! SAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: Why are you cupping the balls under your mouth? SAM: Because this is where we are. MATT: It’s a rusty trombone, man. You never seen that? SAM: This is the shaft in front of me, and then there’s another? A longer shaft? So we can go down that shaft if we wanted to? MATT: Yes. Yes, Nott. That is correct. It looks to be five feet to each side of you once you exit the stairs, like a resting space. SAM: Okay, these are the balls. MATT: And then there is a four to five-foot wide shaft that continues forward. MARISHA: I have no chill? You talk to me two minutes later. MATT: I know. I’m proud of you. LIAM: Has it been that long? MARISHA: I don’t think so. SAM: I have no idea of the layout of this room. I was just going for a gag. MATT: Congratulations! Nott’s been drinking enough where she’s not entirely certain where things are or where you are. LAURA: Are we free of traps in this little– SAM: There are no traps here. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Should we continue on straight ahead? LAURA: Should we send Frumpkin down there and see if it’s clear? SAM: Or Schmidt. LIAM: Well, Schmidt can’t see shit, but Frumpkin– can my cat see in the dark? I would know that. I don’t know. MATT: Cats, generally nocturnal? I would say it would have, unless it says in the actual– I will look in the Monster Manual. I’m fairly certain, having grown up with cats, that being nocturnal creatures they’d have it. LIAM: It makes sense for anyone who had gone into their basement and seen the cat go (humming). LAURA: Oh, yeah. Cats can see. TALIESIN: Cats can see your soul. MATT: They do not have darkvision, according to the rules. LIAM: Okay, well, let’s go by the rules, then. LAURA: The rules need to be changed. MATT: But they do have perception on vision. LAURA: Why don’t you send your little dancing lights down there with him? LIAM: Well, I have a range on that. I don’t like that idea, actually. LAURA: What if I just send something that’s on fire and I throw it down the tunnel? LIAM: How about I send Frumpkin with you and between Frumpkin and you, we’ll be in good shape? SAM: Me and Frumpkin? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Am I protecting– LIAM: You’re just peeking. SAM: Okay. All right. LIAM: Who am I behind? Mollymauk. I place hands on his shoulders and send Frumpkin down ten feet ahead of Nott and I’m seeing– MATT: Ten feet ahead of Nott? LIAM: Yeah, or listening, and trying to listen and see through Frumpkin. MATT: Frumpkin darts ahead down that long, 25-foot, very thin hallway to the opposite side and in the next chamber, what little bit of light’s making it in there– because it’s pretty low light, based on what little bit of torch is coming through, and it’s like a lantern light at this point, because only what’s coming through that hallway is then spreading out before you. You see a raised platform, about a foot high. It looks triangular in shape in the center of this room, and that’s all you can make out with the little bit of light that’s there, but the room continues on about another 20 or so feet beyond that entrance before it goes to darkness. LIAM: So it gets too dark and hazy past that altar. MATT: Correct. LIAM: Yasha, can you hand the torch down and get it to Nott so that she can go a little bit further? MATT: Nott, are you traveling down the hallway as well? SAM: I’m ten feet behind the cat. MATT: All right. As you approach the first bit of that hallway that continues downward, you step in, and at that moment, you hear this (click) and glance over to the right of you, as you checked for traps in the stairs, but not the hallway. You glance off to the side and can see a scattering of holes on each side of the wall, about nine or ten of them at different angles, and one of them goes (click). You glance over before something comes firing out at extremely fast, lightning speed towards you. MARISHA: Rogue shit! MATT: That’s going to be a 26 to hit. SAM: That hits. MATT: You take five points of piercing damage as a long, metal bolt fires out of the hole and sticks you right in the front of the thigh. SAM: Ah! Fuck! (laughter) SAM: I found a trap! LAURA: Really? LIAM: Is it spent now? SAM: Let me check. I’ll see if there’s any other triggers for this trap. MATT: On this trap, at this floor point? You jump up and down. Make an investigation check if you want to, in the area. SAM: 22. MATT: It looks like, whatever this trap is, the actual entire stone floor around you is a pressure plate that Frumpkin did not set off. It has not gone off since you’ve stepped on it, but as you’re investigating and listening closely to the stone, you hear a very slow (clicking). LAURA: Oh, it’s resetting. SAM: I’m going to go forward a bit, onto the next pressure plate. MATT: Okay, that is 14 to hit? SAM: Does not hit. MATT: Does not hit? This time, hearing the (arrow firing) out of the side, and being ready for it, you duck out of the way and it splinters off and sparks against the stone. SAM: Oh god. There’s many of them. LIAM: Are you going to tell everybody about the pressure plates? SAM: Oh god, there’s lots of traps! I’m dying out here! (laughter) LAURA: We’re just seeing you. You’re really close to us, aren’t you? SAM: Boy, oh boy, rogues suck. How much further until the end of this hall? MATT: About ten feet from where you are. LAURA: Can you disarm the traps so you don’t keep just setting them off? LIAM: Do we have anything heavy to put on them to hold them down? SAM: They reset, though, right? I don’t know! LIAM: We don’t know. SAM: I’m on this one, and I’m going to listen to see if this one’s resetting also. MATT: (ticking sound) SAM: Okay, I’ll see if there’s a way to disarm it, or plug the hole, or something. MATT: Okay, go ahead and make a thieves’ tools check, which is your proficiency bonus plus dexterity modifier. Should be plus six, I think? SAM: 18. MATT: 18, okay. Looking at this central platform here, as you inspect it, listening to where it’s clicking, you listen for the holes that are clicking. Most of these holes are not actually functional, they’re just there to confuse whoever might notice that there’s an issue. Only one of them is active, and you listen very closely and listen for the one that’s making the clicking noise, and you quickly take one of your thieves’ tools– or, not your thieves’ tools, something on you that can plug that hole. A piece of stone, something that you might have in your vicinity that might function to that degree. LAURA: A button! MARISHA: Ball bearings you stole from me. SAM: I do have ball bearings. Hold on, I have so many things. MATT: (ticking sound) SAM: Oh god. I don’t want to get rid of that, that’s cute. A vase! MATT: The holes are about that big. SAM: Ah, shit. MATT: (ticking sound) SAM: I take my brass doorknob and shove it in there. MATT: Okay, there is a section of the doorknob that will fit within that hole. You jam it in there, and you push and grind it in there until it feels wedged in the stone, and eventually you hear (ticking) (swoosh) and the door knob cracks for a second, and there’s no more clicking. Apparently you have managed to break that device. SAM: I am going to take the doorknob back. MATT: As you pull the doorknob out– SAM: Shit. MATT: With disadvantage– Oh, no that’s a 12 to hit. SAM: It shoots out anyway? MATT: It shoots out anyway, but haphazardly, and then it breaks. SAM: Great. MATT: You hear a (clanking) on the inside of the wall there, and that trap is busted. LAURA: Are there any more? SAM: I don’t know! I check for more traps. Two for investigation. MATT: Two for investigation? LIAM: Has the party held up at this point? MATT: You guys are all just in the back watching this happen. SAM: I don’t know how to be a rogue! LIAM: While that happened, I would like to investigate the part of the room that I can see. Is there anything dangerous or hinky? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: Yes, thank you. SAM: I rolled a seven. That was not a two, it was a seven. MATT: Okay, hard to tell at this point. SAM: Great. We’re all clear! LIAM: 21. MATT: The chamber you’re in right now? Looking around, you can see a heavy layer of dust across the floor and the edges of the wall. LIAM: This is where Frumpkin is, correct? MATT: Oh! Sorry, I thought you were checking for yourself. LIAM: Through Frumpkin’s eyes. The half of the room, or the portion of the room that Frumpkin can see. MATT: The portion that Frumpkin can see is just the center platform. The center platform, looking on top, has a series of symbols on it. Looking close, Frumpkin can see they aren’t symbols that are drawn on it, they are carved in. Actually, the triangular shape resembles that. The center hole is the deepest. It goes out of sight. The other ones are just mild carvings in the stone. LAURA: Oh no, is this going to be a puzzle? SAM: I hope so. LAURA: Oh, fuck me. MARISHA: Definitely a puzzle. ASHLEY: So that’s what’s up ahead? MATT: Yeah, you guys are still back waiting for Nott to finish walking through. ASHLEY: I’m just going to run across. MATT: You’re just going to run across? ASHLEY: I’m just going to run across and pick up Nott on the way. MATT: As you’re like, “Coast is clear!” Yasha comes rushing past. In the time that it’s taken, the first trap has reset. That is going to be an 18 to hit? ASHLEY: Uh-huh. MATT: Ooh, that is 11 points of piercing damage, as it strikes you in the back of the calf, actually piercing through the muscle, and you stumble for a second. You rush past the floor where Nott is. No effect. The third one: it goes off. Another trap. That is going to be a 14 to hit. ASHLEY: Yeah, that just hits. MATT: That’s going to be seven piercing damage to that one. This one catches you in the back, in the side of your rib cage, under your shoulder blade, and you manage to emerge into the next chamber with the torch now. Wounded– ASHLEY: Fuck! MATT: But you made it through. They’re both sticking out of you as you turn around and look in the chamber. ASHLEY: Maybe nobody else do that. LAURA: No, I’m going to run. MARISHA: I feel like this is going well. SAM: I’m running. MATT: All right. As you guys run through, it’s still resetting. Who’s going through? TALIESIN: I’m going for it. LIAM: Are we all going? TRAVIS: Ah! I’m running! LIAM: I’m holding onto Mollymauk and just following. MATT: Who’s holding up the back? MARISHA: I’ll hold up the back. I want to look around and see if I see anything that looks of value. MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage, because you’re now outside of the main light. The rest of you rush through, making it through, the traps have reset. MARISHA: I’ll take that natural one and give another $100 to 826LA. MATT: Beau takes a moment there. Looking around the corners, it looks like this portion of the chamber is more of an antechamber or something that leads into the next bit. There’s nothing of worth or interest. TRAVIS: Yeah, just things to shoot you in the fucking legs. MARISHA: Wait up for me! MATT: Okay. You run to the first chamber. It shoots out towards you. That’s cocked. That’s going to be a 16 to hit? MARISHA: Miss. MATT: Misses. Just past you. The second platform, Nott’s already disarmed. No effect. Third platform. Does come shooting out at you. That is going to be a natural 20. ALL: Ooh! MARISHA: I want to catch it. MATT: Okay! Let’s see if it works. MARISHA: Knowing it’s coming. LIAM: It’s down low, though. MATT: 13 points of piercing damage for that one. MARISHA: 1d10 plus eight. LAURA: You can do it. LIAM: Get it. MARISHA: (groan) Wait, how many? MATT: 13. MARISHA: 11. MATT: 11. You catch it and it embeds itself about an inch into your chest before you pull it out. MARISHA: I caught it! Argh! MATT: You throw the bolt to the ground and continue on to the chamber. You only suffer two points of damage. MARISHA: Those are from earlier. SAM: I am so sorry. I did not handle that very well. I was told to check for traps and I missed many of them and I will strive to do better in the future and I’m sorry and this one, this one’s on me. LAURA: It’s okay, Nott. SAM: I’m sorry. LAURA: I pat your head. You know, it’s a lot of stress. You’re learning still. SAM: It is! All these traps are different. I wish they would just stick with the rope across the hallway trap. LAURA: Then the log coming down! SAM: Yeah. That’s the one I know. It’s a tried and true classic. TALIESIN: It’s classic, really. MATT: As you guys now have a moment here to take in the chamber around you, Yasha holding the torch aloft, lighting up the vicinity. You’re now standing inside a tall, octagonal chamber that rises up about 25, 30 feet above you. A domed ceiling with abstract designs and symbols written in each pie-slots of this octagon around. LAURA: We’re at Burning Man, aren’t we? We’re at Burning Man. MATT: No. TALIESIN: This is a great installation. MATT: You see in the center where all of these triangular pieces of the dome meet in the center, there is a blue, thick ten foot wide pillar that descends about ten feet from the ceiling, about 15 feet above you. It’s square and ominously held aloft. LAURA: That thing’s going to try to kill us. MATT: Below that, you see there is that triangular piece of stone and there is no visible exit to the chamber. TRAVIS: Is that triangular piece of stone raised off the floor? MATT: It’s raised off the floor about a foot or so. TRAVIS: How big is it? MATT: For each side, it’s about two and a half feet. MARISHA: It’s this thing? MATT: It’s that thing. SAM: How wide is the whole chamber again? MATT: The whole chamber would probably be about 50 to 60 feet wide. LAURA: Oh wow. It’s big. TRAVIS: If we’re just coming into the area, which edge is pointing towards us? The flat or the point? MATT: From your perspective entering, this would be the front end and there’s these two sides there. You have the dome with all these symbols and strange designs upon each of these eight pieces of the octagon dome. TALIESIN: Do I recognize any of these symbols? Does anything look familiar? TRAVIS: From your brief life. MATT: What skills are you trained in? TALIESIN: Skills? MATT: Yes. LAURA: What skills you got? TALIESIN: I got acrobatics, insight, deception, sleight of hand. MATT: Okay. What do you have? Proficient in? TRAVIS: (whistling) Going to have to get back to you. Perception, intimidation, investigation. SAM: Yeah, there’s a little dot next to it. TALIESIN: Investigation and survival also. LIAM: Arcana, insight, investigation. MATT: Well, as you look up. First off, as Yasha holds the torch up so you can see the symbols. MARISHA: Oh shit. LAURA: What?! This is intricate. MARISHA: Look how cool! SAM: What are they? They’re all over the ceiling? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: I have that kids’ toy that makes these. You spin it and the little pen goes around and around. LAURA: Are all those facing towards Fjord? MATT: All of these are from Fjord’s perspective. SAM: Those are on the ceiling? MATT: Those are on the ceiling, yes. SAM: Let me just check for traps. I’m going to walk around the immediate area checking for traps. 22. MATT: 22. As you slowly crawl your way around the exterior, checking the stone, checking the placement. You do see that each of these symbols are about maybe half an inch thick into there except for the centerpiece, which you cannot tell how deep it is. The hole in the center goes down for a while, from what you can tell. MARISHA: You said this was pretty big. MATT: It’s about two to two and a half feet to each side. LAURA: On the ground? Just on the ground? MATT: Yeah, flat on the ground. SAM: No traps? MATT: You do not see any traps around the interior of the chamber. LIAM: Something was giving off an arcane aura before we came in here, but I cannot see it now, so if you indulge me and give me ten minutes, I will– SAM: Ten minutes? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Yeah, take your time. MARISHA: Can I do a check to see if I recognize any of these things? MATT: Are you trained in arcana? MARISHA: I can use my mystical erudition to spend a ki point. MATT: I will say because of your monk background, I will allow you to go ahead and attempt it as well. If the two guys trained in arcana as well are looking up at the symbols and studying them, you are welcome to do so. MARISHA: I get advantage on this. MATT: If you spend a ki point, yes you do. LAURA: Are the symbols just painted on the ground, or are they carved into the ground? MATT: Those symbols are carved in the ground. Those symbols on the ceiling of each space– LAURA: They’re on the ceiling? MATT: They’re on the ceiling in each octagonal piece of the dome; they’re painted above in a circle around. TRAVIS: 21. LIAM: 16. MARISHA: 18. MATT: Okay. In the focus of intending to cast the Detect Magic spell, you’re not as focused on the symbols. However, the two of you, keenly, together, staring up at the ceiling, begin to make out something similar in these patterns. You don’t fully understand it, as it comes from whatever knowledge was imparted upon you from this entity you’ve made a pact with. You, however, in studying various forms of the arcane and coming into knowledge that isn’t your specialty, but knowing it is definitely a specialty, you look at each of these symbols, and these are not classically used, they’re improvised interpretations, or specific re-toolings of the symbols that mean each of the eight schools of magic. Between Fjord and Beau, you guys get to make out what each of these symbols means. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. MARISHA: Cool. TRAVIS: So I don’t know why I know this. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s like magic people code. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: The people I learned from were super into this shit. LAURA: Does that mean we have to cast some spells or something? MARISHA: I think it’s a puzzle. I feel like this thing rotates and we have to match the symbols on the bottom to the symbols that match the school of magic. It feels like the divination is a full symbol of the star. TRAVIS: It feels like the triangle is down here. MARISHA: Evocation, right? Then the diamond– LIAM: You can tell if you were to rotate it, it would line up. Triangle to triangle, that would bring the star to that one there. MARISHA: What would the diamond be? LIAM: There’s a diamond right there. SAM: Does it look like it goes inside? MATT: You can give it a shot if you want to. SAM: I’ll go gingerly touch the base and see if it moves a little bit. MATT: It does not shift at all. TRAVIS: Is anyone on the platform? MATT: Currently, no. LAURA: I wonder if you have to stick something in the hole and twist it. MARISHA: I bet there’s a key. LIAM: Caleb is still going through the ritual. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Fuck it, I’ll stand up on the platform. MATT: Okay, you step onto the platform. A moment passes. Two. No effect. TRAVIS: Can I look down into that black hole in the center of it? MATT: You can, although in the light source Yasha’s currently holding, it just looks like shadow. ASHLEY: Do you want it? TRAVIS: I have darkvision. Oh, yeah, I’ll take the torch. MATT: Okay, you take the torch and hold it over to give you a better glance over it. The hole descends about a foot and a half and stops. LAURA: Stick your wang in it. TRAVIS: I will put my finger in the hole, actually. I don’t know how big the hole is, but I want to feel if there are any grooves on the inside or any sort of indentations. MATT: Right. It’s roughly a half inch wide, so about that wide. TRAVIS: I put my little pinkie in it. MATT: Fits inside. TRAVIS: Solid walls? MATT: Solid walls on the inside. TRAVIS: Well, it’s short. There anything around here that looks like a staff or a pole or rod? MARISHA: I’m going to start looking around, digging, seeing if I see anything that looks like it would fit the shape. I’m also going to shout out: Be careful, the shifty three were talking about an octagonal room where they got attacked. TRAVIS: The floor around this triangle shape, it’s flush in the ground, right? There’s no circle around the triangle platform? MATT: Correct. It is just flush and set in the ground. TRAVIS: So the ground’s not going to move. Maybe the ceiling has to move. LAURA: Oh, because of the thing in the middle. TRAVIS: Right. We’re not going to be able to turn the floor. SAM: How do we turn a ceiling? MARISHA: Maybe we’ve got to go all the way back up to the top. TALIESIN: That’s my thought. SAM: The top of what? MARISHA: The spiral staircase. ASHLEY: To see from the top? MARISHA: We need a down here team and an up here team and maybe a Frumpkin to communicate through. LIAM: Well, I will remember this. I have a perfect memory, I will remember this exactly. LAURA: Does the pillar coming out of the ceiling have a hole in it as well? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: She’s good at finding holes. LAURA: I am really good at finding holes. LIAM: She talks about them a lot. LAURA: Yeah. 20. MATT: Glancing up at it, the pillar itself comes down in a square-shape, and the very base of it has a slight curvature or dome to it, but it is solid. You don’t see any seams in it, you don’t see any marking. It is just a solid pillar. It’s about ten feet wide or so. LIAM: Has ten minutes gone by yet? MATT: At this point, yeah, as they began to look around. You said you’re searching for anything else in the chamber. MARISHA: That looks like it would fit in the rod. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: As you begin to slowly make your way around the room, looking for any markings. ASHLEY: I feel like that goes in the hole. LAURA: But the hole is– SAM: This wide. LAURA: Yeah, the hole is– MATT: The hole is like a half-inch wide. MARISHA: Okay. 16. MATT: You spend a little while looking for any signs of grooves or where anything’s hidden. The chamber is solid, and there is nothing in the room that looks like it would– there’s nothing to grab on to. There are no other objects in here. It’s fairly empty, aside from this dome, that octagonal shape, and this small engraving on the ground, and that pillar at the top. TRAVIS: Caleb, do you have anything to draw these symbols? SAM: Wait, Jester draws great. Jester can draw. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah! Jester, please, both of you, yeah. Just to get a rendition of the ceiling in relation to the ground. LAURA: I open up my sketchbook and I start drawing the symbols. Here, look, I made this beautiful picture. MARISHA: You work so fast. LAURA: Well, I’m really talented. TALIESIN: You don’t have a heal cantrip, do you? LAURA: Cantrip? No. ASHLEY: I have some potions. LIAM: Did Detect Magic reveal what was glowing in here before? MATT: No, this chamber is far further below. It’s 40 feet below where you guys initially came through, so whatever you sensed earlier would have been near where you entered. LIAM: Oh, it was just the glow stick. MATT: It was probably the glow stick, yeah. TRAVIS: I think maybe we need to see where those stairs go up. MARISHA: The stairs are back through the hall and up, right? They’re not in these chambers? It’s one big chamber? MATT: Nope. One big chamber with no other exit beyond the hallway you entered from. MARISHA: All right, I’ll jog up the stairs. TRAVIS: Wait. You’re going to wait until she disarms the– SAM: This is my chance for redemption. MARISHA: Oh, sorry. SAM: Let me break the traps first. MARISHA: Get it, girl. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and ASHLEY: (singing) Get it girl, get it, get it girl. MARISHA: (singing) To the front, to the side, to the back. Disarm that trap. SAM: Can I have a handful of ball bearings? TALIESIN: I hand Nott a handful of ball bearings. SAM: Thank you. I’ll start working on it. I’m going to disarm trap three. MATT: Go for it. SAM: 19, plus stuff. MATT: Oh, yeah. The next trap you come up to, you leap up onto the side, using your fingers to dig into some of the holes there, and jam about three ball bearings into the one hole that you see is the one where the bolt is actually embedded within, and as soon as you step back down, you hear this grinding noise, and the trap is pretty shattered from the inside. SAM: Okay, I’m going to go to trap one. Ooh, not as good. Six plus six, right? 12? MATT: 12. The middle one is still broken. There’s only three platforms you’ve seen that actually lead to this trap. You’ve broken two of them. The third and final one, you go to attempt to put the ball bearing in there. SAM: Oh boy. MATT: However, it does shoot forth, through your thumb. That’s going to be a 21 to hit. SAM: Oh, yeah, that hits. MATT: You take eight points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: Redemption is fucking painful. MATT: Actually, it goes through your thumb and into your hand and into your wrist, and so you’re bolted through there and it’s sticking out right there, and you’re like (shocked sounds). The shock hits you– you don’t feel the pain yet, you’re looking at it jutting through your hand. SAM: (heavy breathing) TALIESIN: We can fix that. SAM: While it’s reloading, I’m going to jam some ball bearings in with my other hand and try to break it. MATT: Okay, go for it. Roll one more time. SAM: Nine. TALIESIN: Is that including the bonus? SAM: Yes. TALIESIN: Wow. MATT: You’re having a hard time breaking it. You hear the clicking going and you’re putting the ball bearings, and they keep slipping back out, and you can’t find the right way to keep it in. You have too much pain from your hand. LIAM: She’s too drunk. SAM: What else I got? MATT: (ping) Another one fires out towards you. That’s going to be a 13 to hit. SAM: Misses. MATT: So you duck out of the way. You attempt to jam it back in. SAM: (frustrated growl) I’m going to try one more time. Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: Angrily, with your one good hand, you take a handful of bearings and jam them inside, holding your wrist there as you can feel the (impact) inside, and then a spring breaks somewhere beneath the stone. All three traps have been disabled. LIAM: Sorry, 826. SAM: (relieved panting) All clear! TALIESIN: Oh, well done with– oh my god, your hand! SAM: It’s fine, it’s nothing. It’s fine, it’s just a little blood. TALIESIN: That’s– ugh. LIAM: You want to deal with that right away. SAM: (pained groaning) MARISHA: Hey, can I keep that? I think I can throw it later. LIAM: Yeah, here you go. MARISHA: Thank you. Thanks, Nott. TALIESIN: Did you just pocket a thumb? SAM: No, that’s the bolt. MARISHA: Oh, sorry, here’s your thumb back. I just want the bolt. LIAM: Big Lebowski. TRAVIS: You want a toe? I can get you a toe. MATT: As you’re bleeding profusely from your wounded hand, you guys head up the stairway? MARISHA: Yeah, who’s going up? LIAM: Well, here’s what I think: I can send these little globules of light quite a ways, and I can also send Frumpkin quite a ways, so why don’t we let Frumpkin have a look and we just hang back? TALIESIN: I think let’s all head up in that direction, but put Frumpkin first. I think Frumpkin ahead, but let’s– TRAVIS: Ten feet ahead is fine. MARISHA: I have a feeling there’s going to be a lever-y or a move-y situation. TALIESIN: We’re also going to have to keep checking for traps and then we’ll send people down when we need it. MARISHA: Yeah, you might need opposable thumbs. SAM: Hey! It’s too soon! MARISHA: Sorry! TRAVIS: Yeah, we start heading up with Frumpkin ten feet in front. LIAM: Let’s say 30 feet in front of the group with one of my Dancing Lights about ten feet behind her– him? Him. MATT: Him. It’s your pet. SAM: Wait, so who’s going up? TRAVIS: Everybody. SAM: But who’s going to be downstairs to–? TALIESIN: Well, we’ve got to figure out what we– LIAM: It’s all right. Jester drew it, I remember it, we’re good. MATT: Marching order heading upstairs? MARISHA: I’ll take the front. LIAM: I’ll take second position. TALIESIN: I’ll take third. ASHLEY: I’ll take back. MATT: Yasha’s in the back with Frumpkin up ahead. Perfect. As you guys progress, spiraling up the staircase, you come by the glowing purple orb that’s embedded in the wall, and you’re helping Caleb come up the stairs, vision currently focused through Frumpkin. Frumpkin heads above, curling upward another 60 or so feet above where you entered– so 100 feet above, spiraling, where this base floor you had already inspected was. Eventually, it emerges into a fairly wide square-looking chamber. LIAM: Looking for dangerous shit. MATT: All right. Frumpkin emerges and looks inside. It’s a Baroque-style grand chamber, with intricate designs and a beautiful interior. The floor itself is solid marble squares that are off-color to each other and give almost a checkered pattern to it. Against each wall, the walls are carved to be beautifully intricate with half-pillars carved out of them, and parts that are inset with art pieces once were set, but are gone. There are shelves in places in here, where things of worth were once set but have already been taken. The opposite side of the room, by the way, has completely fallen in. This chamber should be about 80 feet across, but it looks like something has happened and caused it to collapse inward, and the chamber is slightly tilted to one side. There’s a slight tilt, a decline towards the left-hand side of the chamber. There are two load-bearing pillars that mark the center of the chamber that lead up to the ceiling, and the ceiling itself is about 30 feet up, similar height to the previous chamber you were in. Make a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: For me through Frumpkin is terrible. Seven. MATT: With the low light in the chamber, it’s hard to make out any of specific details beyond that, but this is what you can see. The collapsed opposite side of the chamber that has fallen in, and there is rubble and stone and earth that has filled the opposite side of the chamber. There is the nice marble floor and the designs and carvings in the sides of it. TRAVIS: Is there any sort of door at the top of the stairs that leads into this chamber, or is it just open? MATT: It just opens up. The spiral staircase just emerges into that chamber. LIAM: Knowing distance, space, the direction of north at all times, with Frumpkin in there, am I able to tell how far back we are from this chamber? We’re 20 feet back? MATT: You guys are about 15, 20 feet behind Frumpkin, yeah. LIAM: Would you say that Detect Magic is still cooking at this point? Are we still under the ten minutes from when I cast in the other room? MATT: You’re getting close to the tip of it– to the end of it. LIAM: Am I sensing anything? LAURA: (snickers) ASHLEY: Just the tip of it. LIAM: Find one thing you’re good at in life and do it for the rest of your life. (laughter) LAURA: I’m sorry. MATT: So what are you doing? LIAM: I’m going to scooch– well, no, I’m with Beau, so I’m asking if I sense anything of arcane nature. MATT: Nothing in the vicinity of the spiral staircase, no. LIAM: A retroactive question– no, never mind. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m going to pop a healing potion. LAURA: Oh, I can help you. You want me to heal you? SAM: I mean, I don’t want to impose, but I’m bleeding profusely. LAURA: I’m going to cast Cure Wounds. MATT: Level one? LAURA: Yes. ASHLEY: She cast it on me, too? LAURA: I did it on you, too. So that’s seven points of healing for you. ASHLEY: Tight. MATT: Seven points for Nott? Okay, cool. LAURA: Does that help? SAM: It helps. TALIESIN: Still 11 down. MATT: Are you guys staying in the staircase or are you emerging into the chamber? TRAVIS: I’m walking in. MATT: So you all begin to make your way inside this chamber. LIAM: Anything arcane before it dips out? MATT: Nothing arcane in nature that catches your attention immediately in a 30 foot distance. Are you heading into the chamber? LIAM: No. I’m behind Beau. MATT: Okay. Behind Beau, at the entrance way, you don’t feel any arcane presence. The rest of you begin to push past, and make your way into the chamber. And once again you see– MARISHA: Any ghosty globbies? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll looking for will-o’-wisps. MATT: That’d be perception checks from both you guys. With Yasha’s torch and the globes you have there, you don’t have disadvantage. LIAM: I’m dropping Frumpkin vision. MARISHA: Natural 20. LAURA: Yes! That’s real good. MATT: Natural 20. You? LAURA: Seven. LIAM: You’re also good. MATT: Okay, you notice a couple things. MARISHA: Okay! MATT: One, there is a relief in the center of the chamber, right before the wall collapse covers the floor built into the marble. It resembles two faces and one body in the center. Like one torso leads into two faces that look upward. Their eyes are gone, there’s circular empty sockets where the faces are and their emotionless expressions looking upward. Very thinly carved into the ground. MARISHA: On the ground? MATT: Yeah. Looking from above you can see it, but looking from the side it looks very strange because it’s a very flat carving. You see that in the center, ahead in the chamber. MARISHA: Okay. Are they like profiles, or are they front? MATT: No, they’re looking straight up. There’s two sockets to each, and they’re empty. MARISHA: Looking up, deadless? Okay. Copy. LAURA: Deadless? MARISHA and TRAVIS: Lifeless MATT: Yes. Deadless. Deadlifts, yes, they’re looking up from the deadlifts, it’s– MARISHA: Sorry. Absorbing a lot at once. Keep going. MATT: You do look to the right and left hand sides of the chamber, you can see all the shelves and inset areas where artwork would have been placed. You do see two upside down acorn-style alcoves that are mirroring each other on each side of the chamber. LAURA: Does that look like that shape? MATT: From this distance, you can’t see. They’re open. They’re maybe about a foot tall and empty in the inside. With the light source you have at the moment you can’t see anything inside of them. Looking above you, you do see a set of chains that are hanging from the ceiling that appear to be affixed to some sort of red clay urn or vase that is dangling above. MARISHA: I relay all of that, of course. MATT: Looking across the way in the rubble, because you rolled a natural 20, you see a faint glimmer of something metallic that catches the light of the torch occasionally as Yasha moves back and forth. LIAM: You point that out as well? MARISHA: I do. LIAM: Off of her first comment I would send one of the globules floating up to the ceiling to better illuminate what she’s pointed out. MATT: Okay. It looks to be some sort of vase or urn that is dangling from chains about 30 feet up. LAURA: How big? MATT: It’s about that tall. The full container. It’s like a reddish clay color to it. It looks fairly well made, but nothing ornamental, per se. It’s dangling from a chain on each side. The light lifts around it to inspect and reveal its coloration. LIAM: Was that 30 feet above us? Is there any space between the ceiling and the container? MATT: About a foot, foot and a half. There’s not much distance. It’s affixed to the ceiling right there. MARISHA: And we can see it– sorry. LIAM: No, you’re good. MARISHA: We can see a closer of the dome with the symbols on them? MATT: There’s no dome in here. MARISHA: Oh, we’re not there yet. Sorry. We’re just up the spiral staircase. MATT: You’re starting to enter the chamber, and there is no ceiling shapes or anything that resemble the previous chamber you were in. It comes to a– there is a slight curve to where the– MARISHA: I’m assuming it’s through the collapsed tunnel. Right. Okay. Got it. LIAM: Something metallic in the rubble. Vase above. MATT: Correct, and the two alcoves in the sides, the two pillars that are load bearing in the center of the chamber. LAURA: Do you want me to throw something up at the vase and try to knock it over? TRAVIS: No. Let’s see what’s on the other side of the room first. LIAM: Just to clarify your description. The container is being held from above? MATT: Correct. It is dangling from the ceiling. LIAM: Chains coming down? Or no, two chains from the ceiling. MATT: Just two chains from the ceiling that are holding it in place. MARISHA: That feels like that might be a trap. SAM: Yes. TRAVIS: Cool. I start walking towards the other side of the room. MATT: Okay. Fjord, you walk through, the relief on the ground ahead of you. And there is that weird source of metallic reflection that Beau had seen from across the way. LIAM: I’m going to scoot up behind Fjord and see if I can detect any arcane anything before the spell sniffs out. MATT: Okay. In the final throes of the spell, the source of that metallic shine does give a faint, arcane, magical aura before the spell fades. LIAM: What kind was it? MATT: For that one? It would be abjuration. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: I’m going to scoot around the side and see if I can peek into those holes. Those reliefs in the walls. MATT: The alcoves? SAM: Alcoves. MATT: Okay. You head over to the side alcove. Make an investigation check. SAM: 16. MATT: 16. You glance up inside, it’s about three and a half feet off the ground, and you have to climb and scurry up with your small goblin body. Looking inside, there is another clay urn of the same red color, that’s set about a foot and a half inside. LAURA: I’m going to get down on the ground. SAM: I will inform the others. TALIESIN: I’m going to go check out the other alcove. MATT: The other alcove also contains a similar clay– TALIESIN: Three red urns? LIAM: I catch Fjord by the arm. Be careful. Whatever is under there is something of protection. Something to keep us out, or to protect something. TRAVIS: The little metallic glimmer that we saw. Can we see? MATT: As you approach, you can see, buried in some of the rubble, a long brass or bronze rod of some kind. You only see about a foot of it sticking out from under the rubble. LAURA: Ayyyy. There’s a rod. TRAVIS: About a half inch in diameter, would you call it? MATT: You get a little closer and look down at it. It looks like it would be about a half inch in diameter, yeah. ASHLEY: What was underneath the urn in the ceiling? On the ground? MATT: On the ground? There’s nothing directly below it. LAURA: Where are the faces on the ground? MATT: You walk up to the faces? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You go over and sit over it, and you can see a well carved, robed figure. Male on one side and female on the other, but the same features. Like two sides of the same coin. Similar hairstyle. No coloration to it, but a white marble relief on the ground. The torsos merge and extend on the two sides, and they both sort of look up with the emotionless face. And where the eyes are they are vacant, circular holes about that big. MARISHA: Ooh. All of them? MATT: As you get closer and look, where the holes are vacant, its only about maybe a quarter inch deep. LAURA: Whoa! MATT: So they don’t go fully below, they’re like a quarter of an inch deep. LAURA: Should I stick something in these eyes? SAM: Maybe. ASHLEY: Is there any way to see what is in the urns? Like just have a peeksies. MATT: You come towards the urn. You have to pull it out slightly to look into it because the interior is too hard to see from this point. SAM: I’m going to get my crossbow ready to fire. MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: Can I just, with my sword, just a little. MATT: Sure. You take your sword and wedge it out. It shifts forward a little bit and you look inside. It looks like there is ash in the urn. It’s only about halfway full. Make a perception check. ASHLEY: Uh-oh. Seven. MATT: All you see is ash inside the urn. ASHLEY: I think it’s trash. TRAVIS: These are trash urns? ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: Why would they put trash urns in these weird– ASHLEY: It’s garbage. TRAVIS: Can I try and move some of the rubble off of the bronze rod? MATT: Sure, start shifting some of the rock. Make a strength check. This would be athletics to do this. Athletics, sorry. TRAVIS: Okay. I think that’s a 15. MATT: Okay. You start shifting and pull the rocks off. The rod begins to coil. You start moving it and you pull and manage to pull it free from the stone. Some of the rocks falling down and stumbling to the side. You pull out a four and a half foot long rod that is straight towards the bottom for about a foot and then is in a tight coil to the very top where there is a small metallic knob at the very top. You pull it forth and it vibrates a little from the impact of pulling it out from under the stone, and then it comes to still in your hand. TRAVIS: Does it wobble? MATT: A little bit, very faintly. TRAVIS: Does it make any noise? MATT: No. TRAVIS: If I swing it harder, does it? LAURA: Don’t break it. MATT: You start swinging it. It makes a (air whipping) sound as you swing it around. LIAM: I think I would have noticed that the circus bouncer looking in the urn did not get blown up, but also looked a little puzzled. So I’m going to go over and take a look at the same thing. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a look at the other one. MATT: Okay. As you go to look in the other urn, you glance over at the urn that Yasha was turned away from, and you see this glowing fire emerge from the urn in her direction. Just this small, glowing orb begin to shift out of the urn right towards her back. SAM: Am I ready to fire? MATT: You are. You get to make an attack. TALIESIN: I’m going to start with one of my blades. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Okay. I’m going to shoot a crossbow bolt at that fire. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Natural 20. MATT: Oh shit. And that is a 19 against you Yasha. ASHLEY: Okay. Wait. Yeah, okay. MATT: Okay, do your damage. SAM: Okay. Is this sneak attack or no? I don’t even know what this creature is. LIAM: Yasha is right next to it. ASHLEY: Do I get a saving throw? MATT: No saving throw, but you do take 13 points of lightning damage. ASHLEY: I’m going to die. SAM: I deal 16 points of damage. LAURA: Wait, do you double it because it’s a critical? TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: I don’t know. LIAM: The dice are doubled. Not your modifiers, but the dice. SAM: Wow. Okay. That’s 28 points of damage. ASHLEY: That’s better. MATT: 28 points of damage. All right. SAM: All the dice are doubled? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Good god. MATT: So you actually take no damage, because he was holding his reaction and as soon as it emerges, he fires. You watch as the orb dissipates. The faint, little motes of energy shift and vanish on the outside of the urn. TALIESIN: I’m looking at the other urn. Is anything happening? MATT: You watch as another one begins to slowly emerge and another begins to emerge from the ceiling. I need you all roll initiative. MARISHA: Here we go. SAM: (shouting) No time to thank me. ASHLEY: Thank you. SAM: (shouting) No! No time! TALIESIN: Oh my god, really? ASHLEY: Oh my god. LIAM: I got another one for 826LA. TALIESIN: I rolled the same initiative. This is the worst initiative ever. MATT: You got Yasha off to this side, going this way. Nott, you’re not too far from there. Molly, you were off to the opposite side to look to the other edge. Caleb, where were you? LIAM: I was where Yasha was. I went over to look at her urn. MATT: That’s right. So you were over by Yasha. Fjord, you were over by where you found the object. Frumpkin was– ? LIAM: Frumpkin would have been just 15 feet into the chamber. MATT: Okay. And then Beau and Jester, where are you placed? MARISHA: I would be probably be in between Fjord and Caleb. LAURA: I was wherever those bodies where, because I was kneeling down and looking at them. MATT: Right. So that would be this relief right here, by Fjord’s. All righty. And you watch as Molly– actually Molly was making his way over there as this happened. And that one emerged. LAURA: It look like lightning corn on the cob. MATT: Another one shifts out of the urn that you just had one emerge from. SAM: It’s my own urn. MATT: That Nott has destroyed. It dissipated, then the small motes (fwoosh) back into the urn. LAURA: Oh no! It’s like never ending. ASHLEY: Now that I know it’s there. LAURA: It’s not a surprise, at least. ASHLEY: Not a surprise. MATT: So, going for initiative here folks. 25 to 20? MARISHA: 22. SAM: 22. MATT: Oh wow, all right. So we have Nott and Beau. All right, 20 to fifteen? TRAVIS: 17. MATT: 17. We got Fjord. All righty. 15 to ten? LAURA: 12. ASHLEY: 10. MATT: Jester and Yasha. All righty. Ten to five? TALIESIN: Seven. LIAM: Rolled one, which makes me a two. MATT: Oh, Caleb. LIAM: I love it. MATT: All right, the will-o’-wisps rolled a 26 for initiative. LAURA: These are the will-o’-wisps? ASHLEY: This is where we walked in from? MATT: Yes. That is the entrance where you walked in from. MARISHA: Little shits. MATT: So for their turn they vanish temporarily. MARISHA: They what? LIAM: They vanish. They’re gone. They’re fucking ghosts. TALIESIN: I’m trapped in that– well, never mind. Damn it. LAURA: Aren’t will-o’-wisps like kids? Aren’t they the spirits of children? MARISHA: Is that true? SAM: Is that true? Oh god, that is awful. LAURA: That’s what I learned in Quest for Glory: Shadows of Darkness. MATT: You would know this, but it’s different from story to story. It’s not necessarily the case here. So the three will-o’-wisps come back into visual range, and one’s going to be attacking Molly, one against Nott, and one against Beau. MARISHA: Copy. MATT: The one against Beau is going to be– that’s a nine. MARISHA: Nein. Miss. MATT: That’s a miss on you. It goes wide. There’s going to be one attacking you, Molly. That is going to be an 18 to hit. TALIESIN: Oh, that hits. MATT: That is eight points of lightning damage against you. Against you, Nott– that is a 22 to hit. You take 12 points of lightning damage. As these will-o’-wisps reach out and strike you, there’s a burst of energy as electricity, strangely, like undead, life-sucking energy, electricity begins to shoot through your body. You feel your muscles tense, your teeth and your jaw clench. And you break away and regain composure for a moment, but they seriously hurt you with a brief gliding by your essence. For the rest of their movement, this one is going to shift around this way. This one is going to go ahead and shift this way. This one is going to go ahead and move right there, to melee move Fjord. All right, first up we have Nott and Beau. MARISHA: Okay. You want to go first, girl? SAM: Sure! I will shoot towards (cocking sound). Is the one near Molly engaged with Molly? MATT: It is, yes. SAM: Okay. I will shoot at the one next to Molly. Not good, 12. MATT: 12? Does not hit, unfortunately. You fire towards and it (swooshing sound) just dodges out of the way, completely avoids the bolt, as it ricochets off the stonework in the distance. SAM: (cocking sound) Fire again, bonus action! Not much better. 15. MATT: 15. It manages to arc out of the way of the other one. Both bolts go wide from where its position is, striking the stone. No effect. LAURA: 15 didn’t hit them. MARISHA: 15 didn’t? Did you try to shoot it? SAM: Twice. MATT: Nott, are you going to move or stay there for your turn? SAM: No, I’m engaged, right? MATT: Yes. SAM: I’m going to say, (shouting) Help me! I’m going to die, I’m going to die! MATT: Beau, while this is happening, what are you doing? MARISHA: Okay, seeing Nott have a hard time, I’m going to pull out that holy water and I’m going to, like a confetti popper, I want to, right over its face, just break it. MATT: The one right in front of you? MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: All righty, go ahead and roll an attack with that. MARISHA: Just straight attack? MATT: It should be with your dexterity. MARISHA: With my dex, to throw it even though I’m not throwing it? SAM: What are you throwing? MARISHA: I’m not throwing–the holy water. I’m trying to break it with my hand and palm in its face. MATT: You’re not proficient with it, but it’s still your dex to hit with it. MARISHA: 12. MATT: A 12? Okay, that– pulling out a book here, thank you for your patience, (singing) holy water. MARISHA: Is it a dex saving throw? MATT: That’s a ranged attack against the target creature. Yeah, no. You try to smash it, but it ducks out of the way. Because you’re smashing it, it doesn’t hit the ground and shatter, so you still have it your hand. But you swing with it to try to break it over this entity, and it dodges out of the way. They are very quick. MARISHA: Okay. Do I still get my bonus attack? MATT: Because it was a ranged attack, sure. It’s stretching it a little bit, but I will let it happen. MARISHA: Natural 19. 25. MATT: 25 does hit. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: Eight damage. MATT: Eight points of damage for that one. Nice. MARISHA: Do I punch a ghost? MATT: You do hit it, but it doesn’t take as much damage as you would expect. As you swing toward it, it gives resistance to your fist, and numbs it as you punch through it. It does react to the impact, but it’s not quite as impactful as you hoped a swing that strong should have been. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: You punched cotton candy. MATT: You did, kind of– stinging cotton candy. MARISHA: A little cold. MATT: Does that finish your turn? MARISHA: Yep. MATT: All righty. Finishing Beau and Nott’s go– Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I got a question. You said ten minutes on the boat as we were moving forward, ten minutes for him to cast detect magic, and another ten minutes for detect magic to run out, so it’s been about a half an hour? MATT: I’d say with searching around everything, it’s been closer to 45 minutes. TRAVIS: Okay, great. So my Armor of Agathys is still up? MATT: Your armor is still up. TRAVIS: So can I bonus-action Hex the glob– the wispy thing right next to me? MATT: Sure. There we go. TRAVIS: Nice. MATT: You’ve hexed it. TRAVIS: Great. Can I take swipe at it with the Wastehunter Blade? SAM: Wastehunter! TRAVIS: Wastehunter. That is 15 to hit. MATT: 15 to hit. You Hex it and as you swing your blade, (swooshing sound) it shimmies out of the way. Its light moves with sudden, rapid haste as soon as you try to strike towards it and dodges the blow entirely. TRAVIS: Wow! Can I use all of my 30 foot walking speed to run towards the door there where we came out of. MATT: All right. Ten, 15, 20, 25, 30. The one that was near you is going to go ahead and make an opportunity strike against you. MARISHA: Does that mean I get to make an opportunity strike against it? MATT: It made an attack that doesn’t include you, so yeah, technically. SAM: Wow! TRAVIS: That is the plan here. MATT: All right, so that is an 18 to hit you. TRAVIS: It hits. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: And it take ten points of cold damage. MATT: And you take ten points of lightning damage. TRAVIS: Beautiful. MARISHA: That’s okay, that’s okay. MATT: Cold damage, all right. So it takes– the cold does not seem to impact it as heavily as you would assume. It does hurt it, but it seems to be resistant from a lot of the forms of attacks that you are throwing in its direction. MARISHA: 21. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Another eight points. MATT: Another fist punch towards the will-o’-wisp impacts, but doesn’t seem to strike as strong as you hoped, but it’s still taking damage as it runs past. It shocks out at Fjord as Fjord runs by. Using your Sentinel feat to get your reaction hit off. TRAVIS: I’ve got that gold rod, by the way. I’m getting the fuck out of here. MARISHA: Yeah, go. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. As a bonus action, I’m going to cast Sanctuary on Nott. SAM: Oh, I feel so safe. MATT: That’s concentration or not? LAURA: It doesn’t say concentration. MATT: Okay, I’ll pull it up. LAURA: It doesn’t have that on the– MATT: Sanctuary is not concentration. LAURA: They have to make a wisdom save if they attack her. Then as an action, I’m going to use my cantrip of Sacred Flame. MATT: Against which one? LAURA: The one next to Molly. MATT: Next to Molly. That’s a wisdom save? LAURA: No, it’s a dex save. MATT: That is a 23. LAURA: It definitely saves. MATT: It ducks out of the way before the Sacred Flame bursts into the air, hitting nothing. You get the sense through all these attacks that these things are very quick. That end your turn, Jester? That brings us to Yasha. SAM: Come on, Yasha! Hurt them with your strength! ASHLEY: I’m going to get a little closer to the one that’s near Nott. MATT: With your greatsword– ASHLEY: Pulled out, so I would like to rage. You can use reckless while you’re raging? MATT: Reckless attacks? Yeah. TRAVIS: Which means you roll with advantage, but they get advantage on you. ASHLEY: Okay, that’s fine. LIAM: (singing) Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me! ASHLEY: I want to get this all figured out so we won’t always have question time. Can I also use Divine Fury? MATT: Divine Fury? Yeah, that’s part of your thing, so all that happens at the same time. Your first attack every round. ASHLEY: So I roll twice? MATT: You roll twice, take the higher of the two. TALIESIN: Wow! LIAM: Go for that natural 20! ASHLEY: 25? MATT: 25 definitely hits. You do the damage from your sword. ASHLEY: Ah! What do I– MATT: The greatsword is 2d6 plus your strength modifier, which is three? Plus your rage modifier, which is two? That’s plus five to whatever you roll, plus your Divine Fury damage. LIAM: Fucking muscle wizards. ASHLEY: Plus what? Say again? MATT: Whatever you roll, plus five. Ten, plus your Divine Fury. ASHLEY: Which is another d6, plus half– SAM: Just pull out another d6. ASHLEY: I don’t want to. (counting) 18. MATT: Well, how much radiant damage is that? TRAVIS: Plus half your barbarian level? LAURA: She rolled six. ASHLEY: The damage that I chose was necrotic. Six plus half my barbarian level, which would be two, so 18 damage. MATT: You rush forward, rage, giant swing down with your blade. You watch this burst of dark necrotic energy come crackling out of the blow. It hits, and you watch as it flickers for a second, and pulls itself back together. It’s wounded, but it seems to be shrugging off some of the impact barely. You want to stay where you are? ASHLEY: Bonus attack? Not bonus, but do I have a bonus? Can I do Healing Hands on Nott? MATT: You bonus raged, unfortunately. ASHLEY: Oh, that’s your bonus. Copy that. Got it. MATT: That’s your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yep, that’s my turn. Wait– yes, I’m going to stay there. TALIESIN: I know what these things are. MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: Do I understand what’s happening, with why they’re going back to the pots, to whatever’s in the pots? MATT: You’re not entirely certain, but you do notice, glancing about, that they seem to be emerging from them. TALIESIN: I’m actively tracking these at this point, I would imagine, so I can’t be surprised anymore. MATT: Right. TALIESIN: All right. Can I scoot around the– I assume the clay pot is on the other side of that will-o’-wisp right now? MATT: It is. TALIESIN: I’m going to scoot around to that side. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: I’m going to take my first shot at the will-o’-wisp as I’m dancing around it. MATT: All righty. You swing wide with your first. TALIESIN: Yeah, let’s see if this hits. 17? MATT: 17 does not hit. TALIESIN: My god, really?! MATT: You swing your blade and it ducks out of the way. These are quick little fuckers! TALIESIN: I’m going to take my bonus action, and I’m going to break the pot. MATT: Okay. Swing. SAM: Taliesin hates pot! TALIESIN: Yes, I do. 11 points. MATT: 11 is enough. It’s a stationary object. So roll damage on it. TALIESIN: All right, that’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. You bring the blade in and strike into the alcove, and as you yank it out with the blade, you cut it halfway through the air. The actual urn bisects, sending ash clouding into the air around you, and you watch as the will-o’-wisp (pfft). SAM: Oh! Why don’t we do that with all of them? MARISHA: Nice! That’s what we do! TRAVIS: Nice, dude, nice. MATT: The urn clatters to the ground. The top of it breaks, the second half hits with a heavy thud sound that’s different from the sound of the clay that shatters on the ground. That finishes your turn? TALIESIN: Other than that I’m going to take a look at it down below, to see if there’s anything in there that’s weird. MATT: I’ll say you have to wait until next round. You reach around and finish that whirling dervish action. LAURA: I should have thrown something at the vase! SAM: Yeah! MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Caleb does what that bearded dude in the GIF does, going– seeing that happen, and I cast Scorching Ray myself, and I will send one ball of fire at the next pot. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: The one on the roof? LIAM: No, the other one besides that. MATT: The one in this alcove there that’s right across the way? LIAM: Yeah. That is– oh, jeez. Everything changed for me. So that is perception plus– not perception. Intelligence modifier, which is five plus seven. So that is an 18 to hit. MATT: 18 hits, yeah. Roll damage on that one. LIAM: Okay, that’s 2d6 for a damage of seven. MATT: Seven. That urn explodes on the inside of the alcove as the streaking, hot Scorching Ray slams into the clay, causing the top half of it to detonate. The bottom half of the clay cracks, and the bottom still remains in place, the ash clouding out of it. The one– LIAM: So that did not get destroyed, then, it got damaged? MATT: This will-o’-wisp flickers out. It had been heavily damaged already, and that amount of scattering of the ash caused it to flicker and disintegrate. The bottom of the urn is still holding itself in place, the top half scattered and broken. LIAM: That was just one, so I continue to wrap my hand around, and a second one shoots out at the one in the ceiling. That is a natural 18. MATT: That hits. Roll damage on that one. LIAM: Yeah. That is an eight. MATT: Eight? It shatters and breaks. The ash comes clouding down like the slight drizzle of soft dust and ash. This will-o’-wisp vanishes into the space. TRAVIS: Ugh, it’s in my eyebrows! LIAM: The other one shoots up in the air and lands two feet behind me, just goes (explosion). SAM: Whoa, so cool! MATT: As you’re three-point landing there, Caleb– LIAM: No, I’m standing! MATT: Standing, but hurling a– (laughter) As you stand there, the explosion behind from the Scorching Ray, as the bottom half of the urn from the ceiling– (tinging, rolling) LIAM: Oh shit, that’s hot! SAM: That was amazing! TALIESIN: I’m going to pick up the bottom half of that, and I’m going to examine, immediately, what I’ve got. MATT: All right. And we’ll come back to that after our break because it’s just after nine o'clock. So we’ll take a quick break here and be back here in just a moment, guys. Hold tight. In the meantime, we do have another Wyrmwood giveaway. We have a black poisonwood Hero Vault that we’re giving out this time. Nice dark wood one. You can keep your minis, you can keep your dice, you can keep all sorts of things inside the small space here. If all of you want to come over into Twitch chat to enter this, you can only enter the word once. More than once and you will be disqualified. Once again, this is only for US residents and Canadian residents, outside of Quebec. The code word for tonight is “river.” So come on over, enter that into the chat, and we’ll come back with a winner at the break! We’ll see you guys in a minute. [break] MATT: Hello, and welcome back everybody! Glad we can join… us. Before we get back into the story, we have a winner. The winner for tonight’s giveaway is TheMostJost! TRAVIS: TheMostJost! MATT: You are the most jostiest Jost, and as such, being the most jostest, TheMostJost, you win. Congratulations, we’re going to get that black poisonwood Hero’s Vault to you, so congrats. The brief burst of adrenaline has begun to fade from your bodies, your muscles tense, slowly beginning to relax. The urn shattered, the chamber now still and quiet. No seeming flickering flame of undead energy or source in the vicinity. What do you want to do? LAURA: Those guys were so stupid. They could have broken the vases. How dumb are they? MARISHA: I know. I don’t feel so bad for making fun of them now. I feel like maybe we were hard on them, but now I don’t think we were. TRAVIS: No, I don’t think so either. They’re fucking ceramic pottery pieces. SAM: I’m desperately injured. LAURA: You want me to try to heal you? SAM: No. Again, I don’t want to impose. LAURA: I’ll try to heal you. SAM: If you’re offering, I’ll take it, but I am definitely bleeding from my eyes. LAURA: I’m going to cast, at a 2nd-level, Cure Wounds, because Nott seems like she’s dying. LIAM: Don’t strain a hammy. LAURA: Goddamn it! Really? MATT: Is that a one? LAURA: One and a two. MATT and SAM: Aw. LAURA: I could’ve cast it at 1st-level! Damn it! You still only got fucking seven points of fucking healing! SAM: I feel guilty for having needs! TALIESIN: I was going to say, Yasha, maybe? SAM: Oh wait, I could’ve just– we could have rested and I could’ve used hit dice. LAURA: Goddamn it! TRAVIS: We should rest right now. ASHLEY: Can I dig through one of the ashes? The urn? LAURA: I just wasted one of my 2nd-levels y'all! MARISHA: Okay, we can keep going. TRAVIS: We’re still resting. ASHLEY: Still garbage? MATT: You and Molly are doing this, if I recall, before we entered the break. The base of each urn, the lower half of it, is actually a metal-lined bottom. Looking on the inside, as you scoop out the ash, (blowing) get it to empty the space, you can see, very faintly on the inside of the metal, very faint carvings matching the symbols you have seen in the previous room. SAM: Oh, shit! LAURA: Which room? Let’s take the piece of metal down! Wait, does each of the urns have a different one? MATT: Each of the urns has all eight symbols in it. LAURA: Oh. LIAM: At this point, we should be able to see the things that the very perceptive people saw, which was two faces, eyes with holes in them in the middle– MATT: Yes. LIAM: In this room? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Should we do it in this room? TRAVIS: Are the eye holes about the size of gold coins? MATT: Roughly. TRAVIS: I’ll take two gold coins and put them in both of the eyes on one of the faces. MATT: On the faces? Okay. You take two gold coins out, and you place them roughly, and they both fit into the eyes of one face. TRAVIS: I’ll do that to the other two eyes in the other face. MATT: Okay. As you place them, as soon as they occur in there, the relief opens in half and you fall. Make a dexterity saving throw. ASHLEY: Whoopsies. TRAVIS: Was not anticipating that. MARISHA: For the boatman. TRAVIS: He always gets his due. LIAM: Mama, put the coins in my eyes because I sure do not believe what I am seeing. TRAVIS: That’s an eight. MATT: That’s an eight! SAM: As he falls, I throw a piece of feather and I cast Feather Fall on him. MARISHA: Holy shit, that’s awesome! MATT: That’s a reaction. What’s the range on that? SAM: 60 feet. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. Fjord suddenly begins to disappear, the floor going out underneath. This looks of fear comes over his eyes as Nott barely releases the spell in time, and Fjord goes from plummeting to gently falling. You glide down, and you look down below you into the darkness. You descend ten, 15, 20– MARISHA: Beau hollers out: Hey, I think you figured out that puzzle! TALIESIN: We should probably put a light in there. LIAM: Caleb doesn’t say anything or move at all, but he’s thoroughly impressed with Nott, by the way. TRAVIS: Yep. Me too. MATT: About 30 feet down, you see something rapidly coming up below you. Looks like a floor or a surface, though it is somewhat amorphous and jumbled that it looks hard to see any sort of shape to it. TRAVIS: Are things moving? LIAM: I will send two of my globules down after him. MATT: Okay. With your low light vision, looking down below, eventually your feet land. It’s soft and crunchy as your feet land. You glance down and the smell gets you immediately. It’s a heavy smell of decay, of dust, and ash. You look down below and your are sunken into a pile of long-rotting clothing. Occasionally, your foot hits something that cracks, and you can see some charred bones that remain within. LAURA: Charred? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: This is how they clean the room. LIAM: How far down is that? Does everybody see? MATT: It’s about 30-35 feet down. ASHLEY: I’m going to take a rope out of my bag and wrap it around a pillar. MATT: Okay. You take it and tie it off to the side. LAURA: Fjord, do you see anything cool down there? TRAVIS: Yeah. There’s a bunch of old clothes. It smells awful down here. LAURA: Does anybody have weapons or coins on them? TRAVIS: I haven’t really looked. I still got this damn bronze rod with me, too, so I got to find my way out of here. LAURA: We’ll get you out. Just look for something cool, though. ASHLEY: Can I throw the torch down there? MATT: Yeah. As you– ASHLEY: Fjord. MATT: You hear your name and you look up just as the torch– TRAVIS: Okay! MATT: You reach up and try and grab it. Catch it, (fumbling). MARISHA: Let it fall! TRAVIS: Falls in the clothes, I start burning alive. SAM: A rope? LIAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: We already have a rope down. ASHLEY: I put a rope down. TRAVIS: Can I look around, see if there are any weapons or objects? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: Caleb is travelling down the rope that Yasha dropped. TRAVIS: Oh. That’s great. Natural 19. That’s a 21. MATT: 21?! You guys hear the sound of shifting and clattering of material and bone-like objects against each other and the stone side of the chamber. You, Fjord, begin to pour through. You’re tugging through the clothing that’s here has been slowly rotting over time, the material coming apart. As you pull it apart, you see the tunics and the pantaloons, and all the different pieces of clothing that are in here pull apart almost as your fingers go into it. There’s no remaining flesh. The decay smell is not fresh decay. It’s old, stagnant, long past sealed decay. As you pull through, you do find some pieces of silver and gold jewelry. They’re tucked in pockets of some of this clothing. You can see one skeletal wrist that has this really nice-looking bracelet with a chain that goes around the center finger but the bone is snapped off, and the bone itself is still charred black around most sides. Only a little bit of grayish white peeks through in places as you rub your finger over it. There are some pieces of jewelry here that’s probably worth a little bit of money. Because you rolled that high, you also pull through, in one of the pockets, you can see a small leather case about that wide, with the lid that’s burnt. As you pull it, it tears off entirely. Looking inside, there’s a very thin, diamond shaped vial. You pull it out and shake it. It has a stopper on it that looks either a rubber or a coated cork that is buttoned on one side that is built into the actual crystal container’s cap. You watch it, swish around, holding the torch up to it, it has a brackish dark brown/black tint to it like thick sludge pond water. LIAM: I would’ve gotten down the rope at this point, and seeing Fjord examine that, I cast Detect Magic instantly. MATT: Okay. It is definitely magical. LIAM: Okay. What kind? ASHLEY and LAURA: What kind? LIAM: I’m allowed to know. It’s in the book. LAURA: You can ask nicely. MATT: I would say abjuration. LIAM: What’s in the fucking potion, Matt? MATT: You have to identify it to find out. TRAVIS: Okay. I’ll take some of the nice jewelry and stuff like that and the little vial. Are there any other doors or entrances or shoots? MATT: No. It ends here. There is a pit and you finally reached the bottom after pulling through. You’ve probably gone through about 40 or so equivalent outfits. LIAM: Does Detect Magic uncover anything else besides what he’s already looking through? MATT: No. Just the vial that he discovered. LAURA: Everybody else was resting up top while– TALIESIN: Oh yeah, short rest. MAISHA: Ooh, can we do that? MATT: If you guys want to take a short rest, about an hour or so to take a moment and take a breather. Use your hit dice. LIAM: Oh, an hour. LAURA: It’s okay because I don’t get my spells back with rests, so that’s really good that I used it and everything. SAM: I appreciate it. LIAM: Fjord, hold that up for me so I can tell you what it is. I will spend the next 10 minutes, with Fjord sitting in front of me and me looking at it and doing the ritual. MATT: Well, you guys haven’t taken a short rest yet. They’re taking a short rest. You can go upstairs if you want to. LIAM: You want to rest first or do you want me to tell you what it is now? TRAVIS: You can tell me what it is now. LIAM: Okay, so 10 minutes that takes. Identify. MATT: All right, that is a potion of necrotic resistance. LIAM: Well, I don’t have it. You have it. TRAVIS: “When you drink this potion, you gain resistance to necrotic damage for one hour.” Nice. Cool. MARISHA: Whenever we get done with the short rest, can Beau start peeking through and digging away at the collapsed entrance into that tunnel? MATT: Okay. Make an athletics check. SAM: I sewed my thumb back on. MATT: Okay. Ten minutes pass. You guys climb back up out of the pit? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay. You guys head up and join. The rest of them are going to be resting for the next 45 or so minutes. You can join them if you want them to wait for you as well. TRAVIS: I’d like to, yeah. MATT: Okay. You guys complete a short rest as well. Go for it. LIAM: Arcane recovery. MATT: While you guys are finishing that up, Beau is rummaging through the rubble. MARISHA: It wasn’t good. Six. Slow going. MATT: You spend about 30 minutes or so, and you maybe get about two feet into the rubble, and you’re not sure how far back it goes. A lot of the stones now you’re getting to are now too big for you to move. MARISHA: Was there a little crawl space at the top that we could crawl through? MATT: No. The ceiling caved in on that side. MARISHA: Well. It’s just me and I rolled shitty. MATT: All right. You guys have all taken your time to short rest– SAM: We’ve also discovered that Ashley has more dice than Laura, apparently. ASHLEY: No, I don’t! SAM: What is this? What is this gigantic box of dice? ASHLEY: Listen, she has a whole duffel bag. SAM: Yeah, but she doesn’t use those. These are all active for tonight! ASHLEY: Listen! I like to have all my options. MATT: Exactly. LAURA: Yeah! SAM: This is terrible. ASHLEY: It’s not all my fault. TALIESIN: I believe in you. This is fine. ASHLEY: Thank you. LAURA: She needs better organization. ASHLEY: I need better organization. LAURA: You got to divide them out. TRAVIS: Shall we make our way back downstairs to see what this rod does in the little hole? SAM: I thought we were supposed to turn the ceiling from up here, no? TALIESIN: How big are the bevels, that have the relief of the 12–? MATT: They’re about that big in the bottom, and about a heavy bowl size. LAURA: I think the corkscrew’s going to stick in the hole and move the whole room or something. LIAM: Yeah, the eyes were for uncovering all that death underneath our feet. MARISHA: The ceiling is through here and it’s blocked by a bunch of rubble. We can try and dig through it if we think something should be up there. SAM: No, we should use the stairs. MARISHA: All right. MATT: So what are you guys doing? TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re going to go back downstairs. LAURA: We can try to move some of the rubble? MARISHA: I’ve been, like small boulders. I’ve been (struggling). MATT: So you’re taking the rod, and you guys are heading downstairs? TALIESIN: And the bowls. MATT: Using the bowls as well. Okay. You have the three urn vases. TALIESIN: Mm–hmm. Clean them off a bit. LIAM: Fjord, you can, of course, stick that thing in the hole in that bottom room if you want, but if you like, my man Schmidt could do it, with little risk to the rest of us. If you like. TRAVIS: Oh, yeah. Give him a shot. LIAM: We should all stand back. Better safe than sorry. LAURA: Do we know which way we’re turning everything now? TRAVIS, TALIESIN, and LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: Oh, everybody knows it already. SAM: I don’t know. It seems like they know, they decided without us. LAURA: But why did you decide the way that you’re saying it? LIAM: Well look here, now that we’re back peering through the doorway at this. We have this star on that corner, and if you would rotate– we don’t know what we’re rotating is the thing. TRAVIS: We’re hoping that we’ll get it to turn. MARISHA: If the thing goes two clicks– correct, it goes there. LIAM: We’re saying that’s the idea because there’s a diamond to a diamond, and a star to a star, and a triangle of dots to that triangle. LAURA: Yeah I like the way you guys think, that sounds smart. SAM: So smart. LIAM: Well I bumped up to 20. LAURA: So that’s evocation you guys, and divination, and necromancy. LIAM: Edubation. It’s critical. MARISHA: So wait, divination, evocation, necromancy. SAM: That’s dead things, good things, and in-between things? MARISHA: And elemental things, right? Isn’t evocation– LIAM: Evocation is destruction. MARISHA: Fire, lightning, elemental things. MATT: You guys descend the staircase, find your way to the base floor. You head to the hallway where you had previously disabled the traps and carefully step across each threshold without issue, they still remain disabled. SAM: I did that. MATT: You make your way into the central octagonal chamber. What would you like to do? LIAM: I’m casting, in an instant, Unseen Servant. Schmidt is here with us. MATT: Schmidt appears, unseen. LIAM: Fjord, hold out your magic whatsit there. I command Fjord to give that to Schmidt, Schmidt takes it. TRAVIS: I refuse your command and I give it to Schmidt willingly. LIAM: The spell runs out– (laughter) LIAM: I ask Schmidt to insert the spirally staff into the Laura Bailey hole in the center of the dais. MATT: You watch as the rod gingerly drifts over to the center place, slips in, locks into place. MARISHA: Something bad might happen once we turn this, so be on guard. LIAM: It is true, that’s why we’re hanging back behind the door. Do we think we should go clockwise or counter-clockwise? TRAVIS: Counter-clockwise. LIAM: Schmidt, please revolve that staff counter-clockwise please. MATT: Nothing moves. LIAM: Well, try it clockwise then, Schmidt. MATT: Nothing moves. LIAM: Well, that’s a lot of bollocks then. LAURA: Maybe it’s got to be a real person. Maybe you have to cast a spell that has to do with the class of magic! TALIESIN: I’ve got an idea. I’m going to start rocking upstairs. TRAVIS: Rocking upstairs? TALIESIN: I’m walking upstairs. MARISHA: I’m going to join Molly, I think someone needs to be upstairs. You guys stay. MATT: Molly, you have the bowls right? TALIESIN: I have the bowls. MATT: Beau and Molly head back up the stairs. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a look at that purple– is there only one of those little purple glowing rocks that seems to be creating light? MATT: As you look going through, you see there are a few other stone cages that have been opened and left empty. That is one that has not been removed. TALIESIN: I’m going to open it and I will– I’m going to poke at it to see if it seems trapped or anything. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. TALIESIN: All right. 16. MATT: Does not appear to be trapped. TALIESIN: I’m going to open it and grab the stone out. MATT: Make a strength check to try and wedge it from the stone it’s attached to. TALIESIN: That’s a six. MATT: (grunting) It’s not budging. Your lithe tiefling form is not quite sturdy enough to pull it from the stone. LIAM: Dance it out of there. TALIESIN: Beau! MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Can you punch this? MARISHA: I got you one better. I’ll shove in my staff and push against the pillar and use it as leverage, see if I can pry it open. MATT: Okay. Yeah, I’ll give you that. Make a dexterity check. Finding the proper point of leverage to push on. MARISHA: Ooh, natural 18. 22. MATT: The metal actually unhinges and the stone plummets out, you catch it. MARISHA: You see this is like a simple– sorry, it’s like a simple tool. Sorry, I drooled a little. TALIESIN: Is that your new nickname? MARISHA: What? TALIESIN: Simple tool. MARISHA: You know what? That’s fair, I’ll take that. That was a good one. TALIESIN: Well, you did do this. I won’t tell anyone, come on. MARISHA: It was a good jab. TALIESIN: We walk back down with it. Beau retrieved this, maybe? We’ve got a glowing rock. I’m going to put it in the room, see if anything happens. MATT: No reaction. TALIESIN: We’ve got these bowls, I’m going to put the bowls, gingerly, I’m going to put one of the bowls on one of the symbols to see what happens. MATT: Okay, which symbol? TALIESIN: Put it– middle of the star. MATT: Okay. Place it in the middle of the star. The metal bowl sits there, the fine engravings of all the symbols on the inside of each bowl don’t seem to react. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and move the bowl to match the engravings in the ceiling. MATT: Okay, you have three bowls, and each bowl contains all eight symbols in the inside, so it’s hard to match them per se. LAURA: Cast a spell on one of the bowls! SAM: Why don’t we try a person to use the rod first before we start wasting spells? TRAVIS: Yeah okay, I’ll walk up and I’ll grab the rod. SAM: You’re weak, shouldn’t we use a strong person? MATT: The rod doesn’t shift. TRAVIS: It doesn’t move. MATT: You move it the other way and it comes out, you have to put it back in and lock it into place, but it doesn’t seem to shift or move. TALIESIN: What’s the the top of the rod again? The top of that little spiral. MATT: It’s a small little metallic knob at the end. TALIESIN: I’m going to examine it, anything interesting about it? Just a small metallic knob? MATT: Best you can look at it, it doesn’t have any markings on it or anything unique, it’s just a solid round knob end. TALIESIN: Like a lightning rod? MATT: Something like that. SAM: Yasha, you’re strong. Why don’t you go try and twist the thing? ASHLEY: All right, I’ll give it a try. MATT: You spend a good two minutes shifting on the rod the opposite direction where it locks. No movement. TRAVIS: Do we think we need to cast unique spells into those bowls for each of the three schools of magic? Which is what Jester said. MARISHA: We heard you. LAURA: (angrily) No, it’s fine! TRAVIS: I’m trying to figure out, how do you cast necrotic damage on a bowl? LAURA: I don’t know, I could Inflict Wounds on it or something, or Toll the Dead on the bowl. TRAVIS: You want to Inflict Wounds on one of them? LAURA: Well no, I’m going to use a cantrip because it’s better. So I’m going to Toll the Dead on– SAM: What is it? Evocation? LAURA: Necrotic, divination, and evocation. So I’ll try to Toll the Dead on one of the bowls, the one that is sitting on the diamond. MATT: You cast Toll the Dead. The dark arcane energy from Toll the Dead begins to gather around the hand of Jester, and as you release the spell you watch this burst of necrotic energy siphon back and immediately attach itself to the very top of this metallic rod. (cheering) MATT: It’s absorbed and there’s a moment of pause before you feel (banging sound). TALIESIN: Let’s do the other two. LAURA: Wait, is it turning? MATT: You hear a shifting of stone– this faint slithering sound begins to fill the chamber. TRAVIS: Other two! Or maybe not. MATT: The slithering stops. (booming) You watch as your eyes catch something shift above you. That large square pillar that was locked in the ceiling, that dome underneath it opened up and a strange, translucent, cube-like creature comes descending from the center. I need you guys all to roll initiative. (yelling) LIAM: Not a gelatinous cube! TRAVIS: Did we pick the form of our killer? LIAM: A gelatinous cube! MARISHA: Wait, but you did necromantic, right? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: Oh shit! SAM: Wait, if we had picked a different magic would a different monster– TRAVIS: I think so. MARISHA: Maybe it’s a trial, maybe we have to fight all of them! LIAM: We might need to do all three at the same time? MATT: (impact) (screaming) LIAM: Guys, fucking focus! Focus! MARISHA: I’m going to use my boots at this point. LAURA: See, this is why I shouldn’t have used my spell! LIAM: No more dick jokes! Focus on the cube. LAURA: That wasn’t a dick joke! SAM: Everything’s a dick joke with you, Laura. MATT: All right, guys. So let me pull out the gelatinous cube stat block here. LIAM: This is dangerous! MATT: That is a super low initiative. That is a zero initiative for the gelatinous cube. Four minus four. Initiative, 25 to 20. LAURA: 20. LIAM: 21! MATT: Nice! Caleb coming around, finally. Then Jester. 20 to 15. TALIESIN: Crickets. MARISHA: 20 to 15? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Negative, no. MATT: 15 to ten? MARISHA and ASHLEY: 12. MARISHA: Sentinel bitches! MATT: Beau and Yasha. Ten to five? TRAVIS: Seven. TALIESIN: Eight. SAM: Seven. LAURA: I don’t know, how do you fight a gelatinous cube? LIAM: You die. ASHLEY: I don’t want to! MARISHA: They suck you up. LAURA: I know! MARISHA: It’s bad. LAURA: But I don’t know how to defeat them! MARISHA: I don’t know! MATT: As it slid into the ground, it completely consumed the rod and immediately begins to move its way forward ever so slowly in your direction of the cluster group. That being the case, top of the round we have Caleb, you’re first. By the way, where do you want your kitty? LIAM: Frumpkin, or–? MATT: Frumpkin. LIAM: Frumpkin can be, oh jeez, right behind me is fine. MATT: There you go. What are you doing? LIAM: I’m going to use all my movement to move back towards the doorway as best I can. MATT: Over here? LIAM: Ja. As I am doing so, I am pulling a small clay cat paw out of my hand. I mutter a few arcane words and I cast Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp. A wad of soil forms out the ground and a cat’s paw rises up and reaches out and swats at the gelatinous cube. MATT: All right, so it makes a strength saving throw. LIAM: Ja, that’s correct, against my DC of 15. MATT: Natural one. (cheering) TRAVIS: Number five tonight? MATT: Yep. LIAM: On a failed save the target takes 2d6 bludgeoning damage, so that is a seven and it’s restrained for the spell’s duration. So it attacks at disadvantage and you attack at advantage. TRAVIS: Great. MARISHA: We attack at advantage? For how long? LIAM: There is a giant, earthen cat’s claw holding it on the corner. TRAVIS: Zero speed, or slow speed? SAM: It can be restrained, that thing? LAURA: Can it? By magic, maybe. MATT: Yeah, magic holds it in place. TRAVIS: So it’s zero speed, it doesn’t go anywhere? LIAM: Restrained, it’s the restrained condition. MATT: Correct, yep, for the spell’s duration. LAURA: How long does the spell last? MATT: One minute. (cheering) MARISHA: Is it concentration? LIAM: Yes, it is. MARISHA: Don’t break that concentration! MATT: This giant cat paw has grasped around and is holding the cube in place, its claws dug into it, made of earth and dirt and stone. LIAM: I have a question, is there any light in here at all? MATT: Aside from the torch that Yasha has, no. LIAM: Okay so there’s dim light then, from the torch. MATT: There is, yeah. LIAM: Because my globules are gone. MATT: Yes, they are very gone. Well, the torch has been your main light source since you– LIAM: That’s correct, thank you. Okay. And then I sit. SAM: You’re going to sit on the floor? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: You want Frumpkin to move anywhere? LIAM: Say again? MATT: Frumpkin’s still back here. LIAM: Frumpkin can do whatever. Frumpkin will run towards Jester and get between– where’s Nott? MATT: Nott is over there. LIAM: Frumpkin will stand between Jester and the cube. MATT: All righty, that ends Caleb’s turn. Jester, you’re up. TRAVIS: Is this considered a monstrosity? MATT: No, it is not. It is considered an ooze. TRAVIS: An ooze? MARISHA: Jell-o! LAURA: I’m going to back up away from it. ASHLEY: Kill the box, Jester. LAURA: I’m going to use the Sacred Flame cantrip because I figure it’s not very dextrous. LIAM: Everybody has advantage on attack rolls. MATT: That is going to be a three. What’s the damage on that? LAURA: It’s a 1d8 radiant damage. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Six! MATT: Six points of radiant damage. As this flame bursts at the side of it, part of it jello-wiggles for a second. LAURA: Did it look like it did anything to it? MATT: It looked like it hurt it maybe, but it just looks like it’s a big gelatinous cube. TALIESIN: The radiant didn’t seem to have an extra effect then? MATT: No, it did not. TALIESIN and LAURA: Okay. MATT: Does that finish your turn? LAURA: Yes. MATT: All right, end of Jester’s turn. Beau and Yasha, you guys are up. LIAM: Beauyasha. Do it up. ASHLEY: Lady. MARISHA: Do we just slap jello? ASHLEY: I think. MARISHA: I’m going to do a full-on– LIAM: Jello shots! MARISHA: Yeah, doing a full-on jello shot. MATT: Moving into it to assault it? Go for it. MARISHA: That’s good, that’s an 18! Plus six, so 24? MATT: That definitely hits. MARISHA: Seven plus four, 11. MATT: 11 points of damage? LIAM: You did it at advantage? MARISHA: No. LIAM: Go for the 20! MARISHA: Okay, I’ll go for the 20, in case I roll a natural 20. I did not roll a natural 20. MATT: So 11 points of damage with your hit as you slam it with the side of your staff. It shivers and shakes at the impact and your staff slides through and barely emerges through the opposite side of it, seemingly closing around and reforming where the gap was carved through. MARISHA: Does it feel like I did some damage? MATT: Maybe. MARISHA: Okay, I’ll take my bonus and whack. Or you know what? Yeah, I’m going to whack it. MATT: All right, so you’re going to punch it. SAM, LAURA, and MARISHA: Slap that jello. TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Slap-a the bass! MARISHA: That’s good! That’s 21. LAURA: Is there something in it? LIAM: Yeah, bones. MARISHA: Six damage. TRAVIS: There is something in it! MATT: Six damage, all right. As you sock it with your fist, it quakes. As you pull your hand back, your whole hand goes numb. SAM: Oh no. MATT: All feeling is lost from almost partway down your arm, and you’re like, oh, that’s– MARISHA: It’s like that pins and needles thing? ASHLEY: It’s a weird feeling? MARISHA: Yeah, like, dead arm. It’s a little dead. TALIESIN: Are you staying next to it or you– LAURA: Back away from it. What if a tentacle comes out of it or something? MARISHA: Where’s Yasha? ASHLEY: Your right. MARISHA: Can I go around near Frumpkin and flank it? MATT: You can move around– MARISHA: That’s good. That’s fine. LIAM: Don’t step on my cat. MATT: All righty. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. I’m going to rage? I would like to rage. Well wait, maybe I don’t really need to do that because we have advantage anyway. TALIESIN: Yeah, you don’t need to. LAURA: There’s no harm in raging. ASHLEY: Divine Fury. MATT: Are you moving in to assault it? ASHLEY: Yep. LAURA: Assault it! ASHLEY: I’m going to do that again. LAURA: Advantage. She has advantage because– MATT: Oh, right. Because the– ASHLEY: Eight! MATT: Still hits. ASHLEY: It still hits?! LAURA: It’s a cube! MATT: It’s not hard to hit. It’s a giant, quivering cube. Roll damage. 2d6 plus five plus your 1d6 plus two, I think? LAURA: Did she get– oh, nevermind. MATT: 3d6 plus seven. ASHLEY: 17. SAM: Because it’s her strength? LAURA: No, it’s more than that! ASHLEY: It is? LAURA: Here’s ten, plus five, 15. MATT: 15 plus two for rage, three for strength, and plus two for your– ASHLEY: 17. TRAVIS: 22, 24. ASHLEY: Yeah. Wait. 21. MATT: 21 points of damage. As you carve through, you actually watch a corner of it slide off and turn to sludge and water on the ground. Your blade cuts through a section of it and (wet wobbling sound). ASHLEY: Nothing. MATT: No, it hurt it. LAURA: 22. ASHLEY: It did? SAM: You did great! ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: Way to go, Yasha! ASHLEY: But what– I don’t see anything happening! TRAVIS: It’s a big cube of sludge. ASHLEY: Did it change shape at all? MATT: No, it’s still cubic. You carved through a portion of it. All right, does that finish your turn? ASHLEY: I’m going to back up a little bit. MATT: All right, so you want to back up a little bit? As you pull back a little bit, it gets one swing at you with a pseudopod. Part of it– LIAM: At disadvantage! MATT: –(sploosh) swings out at you– yes, it does. MARISHA: And I hit it with Sentinel! MATT: You do. LIAM and MARISHA: At advantage! MATT: It rolled pretty well for having disadvantage. That would be a total of 16 to hit. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: Okay. SAM: Yasha! LAURA: Stupid cube! MATT: You take 13 points of acid damage, as it slams into you and begins to burn the skin. TALIESIN: Does that get halved because of raging? MATT: Acid damage is not halved, unfortunately. And you strike it? MARISHA: I rolled a 15. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Six damage. MATT: Six damage? All righty. MARISHA: Yeah. These are all my unarmed strikes, yeah? MATT: Yes. You punch with your other hand and now both of your hands are numb and you’re like, “Ugh!” MARISHA: I hate that feeling! TRAVIS: Novocaine hands? MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: Your whole torso, Yasha, is burning, and underneath the burning pain you feel numbness under your chin and your tongue’s going a little (lolling). LAURA: Oh no! Is she poisoned? MATT: Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to try, just for shits and giggles, I’m going to activate the ice damage on my sword. I’m going to run up– where am I? Over there? I’m going to run up, take a swing at that corner– MATT: Okay, you dash up to its side there. TALIESIN: So that’s 14 to hit. MATT: 14 hits! TALIESIN: I know, it’s like, just in case, I will be the one to miss. And that’s six plus one ice, so that’s seven damage. MATT: Seven damage, nice. You strike through and the ice crystallizes inside. As you cut through, the liquid and the moisture (shattering) leaves this– TRAVIS: Like ballistic gel? MATT: Yeah. Stuck in the inside. So that’s one carved through. TALIESIN: It’s my bonus to activate it. MATT: Right, so it’s your one strike. TALIESIN: I’m going to back off into the corner then. MATT: It already used its reaction. TALIESIN: Yeah, so I’m using that. MATT: You strike and then dart back, jump to the back of the room getting ready for you next round. That finishes Molly’s round. Nott and Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Ladies first. SAM: Yes, I feel so conflicted trying to hurt a cube. But I will. I will bash that cube until it explodes all over the place. Wait. TALIESIN: Whoa! SAM: I rolled a natural 20 to attack with my hand crossbow. MATT: Roll damage on that. SAM: With sneak attack? MATT: Technically, yes, you have Beau. SAM: And it’s crit so double? MATT: Double dice and then add your dexterity modifier. SAM: 24, plus– 28. MATT: Shit! SAM: Oh, and I’ll use Fury of the Small to make it 30! LIAM: I want to roll a rogue right now! LAURA: I know, right? MATT: Is it half your level, or is it your level? SAM: Fury of the Small. Let me look. MATT: It’s damage equal to your level, right? SAM: Yes. MATT: That’s an additional four so that’s 32 damage. SAM: Oh, shit! LIAM: That builds, goblin? SAM: Class features. MATT: I’m pretty sure it’s equal to your level. SAM: I’m looking. TALIESIN: Is it racial features or class features? SAM: I don’t know. I’ll look it up later! TALIESIN: It would be racial features. SAM: For which archetype? Spellcasting, Mage Hand? Oh shit, I should’ve used Mage Hand before! MATT: (laughs) Remember, that’s actually your archetype. SAM: I don’t know what I should be doing! TALIESIN: Class features. MATT: Regardless, you did a lot of damage to it, so 32 with your level added to it, as you strike it with your crossbow. SAM: Okay. Then I will move around that way, yes, as far as possible. MATT: 30. SAM: And I’ll shoot again. Why not? With advantage still? LIAM: It’s restrained. SAM: 18 plus a lot. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. SAM: Seven more points of damage. MATT: 39 points of damage in one round of combat. Not too bad! ASHLEY: Nicely done! LIAM: Low-level rogue! High-level rogue, eh, but low-level rogue is sick. LAURA: High-level rogue was still pretty cool. MARISHA: What was it, like 79 points of damage you did in one round? LIAM: One time. MARISHA: Yeah, that was great. MATT: That ends Nott’s turn. Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: I’m going to use my speed to run on this side of the cube closer to you, as far back against that wall as possible. MATT: 25. Right there. 30 will be all the way back. TRAVIS: 30’s perfect. Eldritch Blast. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: At advantage. That’s cocked. That natural 19’s not bad, though. MATT: That’ll hit. Roll damage. TRAVIS: Great. Ten plus four, that’s 14 points of damage. MATT: 14 points of damage. This thing is just getting hit with crossbow bolts and the blasts on the sides of it. It’s taking damage, but it’s a hardy mass of slime and gelatin. TRAVIS: It’s a hardy mallow. MATT: Indeed. That finish your turn? TRAVIS: Yes, it does. MATT: All righty, it’s now the gelatinous cube’s turn. It’s going to attempt to break free of the large Earthen Paw. TALIESIN: At disadvantage. MATT: Well, it’s not disadvantage. LIAM: Just for attacks. MATT: That is going to be– what save? LIAM: 15 for me. MATT: It’s a strength check. So that would be plus two, that’s a 15. LIAM: Gott verdammt! It’s out. LAURA: Oh no, it breaks free?! TRAVIS: No, I thought it was going to stay there! LAURA: Beau’s right next to it. It’s going to slurp you. LIAM: Does that mean it’s not restrained? MATT: No, it can still move as part of its action. TRAVIS: Shit! LAURA: Half of its movement. MATT: It’s going to (squelching). LAURA: Oh no. Who’s it going for?! LIAM: Who’s it getting? My cat?! You motherfucker! (screaming and laughter) LAURA: No! LIAM: I mean, I’m assuming it takes like four points of damage immediately, my cat. TRAVIS: How many hit points does it have? LIAM: Three? It’s gone instantly! MARISHA: Did any of that trigger my sentinel? MATT: Your cat moved aside. I did that to fuck with you. Its engulf is an action, and it already used an action to break free. But it did move over and you guys basically moved out of the way. It’s now right next to both Beau and Jester. MARISHA: It didn’t move out of my range at all? MATT: It did not. You’ve already used your reaction anyway. SAM: Can I say that it looks like that artisanal ice that you get at really classy bars, and now I’m really thirsty for like a scotch. MATT: That’s going to end its turn. That brings us to the top of the round. That is Caleb. LIAM: I believe my Cat’s Paw is still in existence and would like to try to do the same shit. MATT: Okay. LIAM: So. (swiping) (meow) 15. It can move as well. SAM: It’s like Bigby’s Paw? LIAM: It is. MATT: You can move it? LIAM: Yeah, I can. TRAVIS: Bigby’s Dirty, Dirty Cat Paw? LIAM: Looking it up. MATT: Reaches for one creature it can see within five feet of it. LIAM: Did it get five feet? It was five feet in front of it and it moved that way. It would’ve been right in front of it. MATT: Sure, we’ll go for it. LIAM: All right, so DC 15. MATT: DC 15 on what? What’s the save on it? LIAM: It’s strength. MATT: Right, strength again. That’s a 14 plus two, 16. LIAM: Aw, it doesn’t do it. Great. I will use the rest of my movement to move another ten feet back in the hallway I’m in. MATT: Okay. Slowly backing away. As you step on that platform back there, you feel it buzz for a second, and nearby you hear this whining of metal against metal as the trap is still broken but waiting. That ends Caleb’s go. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Oh man, and it’s right next to me now? Oh god! Okay. TRAVIS: (sings) It’s right next to me now! LAURA: Ooh, I’m going to cast Toll the Dead on it. MATT: All right. Save on that is constitution? LAURA: It’s a wisdom save! MATT: Wisdom save! That is strangely a 14. LAURA: Also 14. MATT: Oh shit, yeah. 16 minus 2. So no effect. LAURA: Balls. Okay. ASHLEY: Wait, don’t you get an advant– no. TALIESIN: Advantage is over. LAURA: Okay, then I guess I’m going to (singing) try to back away from it. MATT: Which way? LAURA: Towards Fjord. MATT: Towards Fjord? So you’re going to back away here? LAURA: A little further if I can, please. MATT: You can. LAURA: Because it probably can’t move very far. MATT: It’s going to swing at you with its pseudopod as you move out of its range. That’s a natural 20. LAURA: Bitch of a fucking marshmallow! MATT: That’s some good rolls in the past couple of rounds. That’s going to be– ooh! 32 points of acid damage. ALL: Oh! SAM: That’s all the points! LIAM: She’s out! LAURA: I’m out. I’m unconscious. LIAM: Was she absorbed? MATT: I rolled– it’s 3d6. Six, four, six, doubled. LIAM: Is she absorbed? LAURA and MATT: No. MARISHA: It got a natural 20. MATT: Not at the moment. So you are unconscious right next to– ASHLEY: Wait, but she wasn’t that close to him! LAURA: I was. MATT: She tried to move away. ASHLEY: Shit. MATT: So it hits you from behind, and the last thing you feel is numbness overtake your body as darkness clouds around your eyes and you are out. SAM: Jester, like all beautiful women, succumbed to the cube. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: What?! LAURA: If I die tonight, when I decided to come and play even though I’m coughing– MATT: I’m sorry. That ends Jester’s turn. That brings us to Beau and Yasha. MARISHA: And that, I wouldn’t have– Okay. I already got my one reaction? MATT: Well, it’s your turn. MARISHA: I feel like that was before, though, the one reaction. TRAVIS: I’m coming for her. MARISHA: The first one. With it being one more round, do I have a reaction? MATT: No, because that was happening during– That’s since your last turn. So your reaction has come back now. You don’t get an attack, but now you do after this. It’s your turn. MARISHA: It’s me and Yasha. SAM: Yasha’s a healer, right? ASHLEY: Wait, didn’t you get Sentinel on it? MARISHA: I did on the round before. I feel like I have one more round but I don’t think I did. Did you, though? Because it moved out of your range! MATT: It did, but you guys have the same initiative round. So you used your reaction on your turn last round to hit it, as she was running away, and now it’s reset to this round. MARISHA: But did Yasha? MATT: Yasha hasn’t, no. Yasha ran out of range and hasn’t been able to use her reaction to hit since then. MARISHA: Oh, she ran out of range. Okay. MATT: That’s how you got the attack on it. She ran away and it hit her, and then you got a shot. MARISHA: I was thinking there was another round in between that. I’m going to lay into it. MATT: All right. So you’re staying where you are and start– MARISHA: Wait. Wait. ALL: Wait. Wait. Wait. LAURA: I’m going to die, you guys. SAM: You’ll be fine! LIAM: No, probably you’ll die. MARISHA: Caleb, you already went. You’re going to give it to her? Okay. Then I’ll lay into it. MATT: All right, go for it. MARISHA: Sorry, I wanted to make sure someone was going to get Jester out. TRAVIS: I’m leaving her behind. MARISHA: 21. MATT: 21 hits! LAURA: When does the cube go? TRAVIS: Last. MARISHA: That’s nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage, nice. As you slap it with the side of the bo again, you watch and it buckles in places. MARISHA: I’m going to go ahead and do Flurry of Blows for these next two. That’s a natural 18. MATT: That hits, definitely. MARISHA: So five points of damage. The second one. That’s not great. That’s 11. MATT: Still hits. MARISHA: Great, and that’s seven points of damage. MATT: You’re punching this thing, and you’re watching it quiver and part of it is shifting and it’s looking pretty damaged in spite of its size at this point in time, so well done. Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: All right, I’m going to go up to it. Get it sliced. Raging, reckless. Divine– no, I can’t do divine. MATT: Yes, every turn you can do it. ASHLEY: Every turn I can do it. LIAM: Yasha! SAM: First roll to hit. ASHLEY: Oh! First roll to hit. MATT: With advantage, because you went reckless. ASHLEY: With advantage. Yeah, 20. MATT: Roll again, just in case. Reckless is good because you have a double chance to critical. ASHLEY: Don’t ever not do it, okay. 22. MATT: Yeah, that’s it. 22 damage. How do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: Is that your first one? ASHLEY: Yes! MATT: You see it being hit by Beau and it’s slowly shifting its weight towards the unconscious body of Jester on the ground. You watch it expanding to start pulling her leg inward. ASHLEY: I take the tip of the sword, and I slowly start pushing into the middle and then (sword slicing across). MATT: As you push it all the way into the center of it, it begins to shake and quiver and begins to slowly encapsulate your arm and forearm as it rises up, and your arm is numb. You shake your head and cut out to the side, and as you do, you watch the side of it splash out, almost like popping a water balloon. The interior of it turns to liquid water and begin to spill out as it slowly deflates and liquefies across the ground, like a jellyfish beached. TRAVIS: Oh, I’m stepping in it. LIAM: Ashley, you just destroyed a classic Dungeons & Dragons foe. (clapping) MATT: I’ll tell you one thing, that restraint saved your fucking ass at the start! It never got to engulf. Never got a chance to engulf. TRAVIS: I’ll run over, and I’ll kneel down next to Jester, and pick up her head and pour a health potion there. LIAM: (Imitating Jester) Put your tusk in there, Fjord! (laughter) LAURA: Oh, Oskar. TRAVIS: Fjord. LAURA: Thank you for saving me. TRAVIS: It’s Fjord. LAURA: Sorry, I mean Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah. You all right? LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: Okay. Get up, come on, on your feet. LAURA: Oh. Did we kill it? TRAVIS: Yup. LAURA: Sorry, I think that was my fault, you guys. TALIESIN: No, these things happen. TRAVIS: Anything come out of the middle of that thing? MATT: From the middle of it? No, it turns to liquid gel. LIAM: Get my cat out of there. MATT: One of these days I’ll get to put one of you guys in. MARISHA: Aw, Frumpkin! Hey buddy. LIAM: From down the hallway you hear: Now the question is, if we do the same thing again, will another one come out? Or do we need to try to hit all three at the same time? Let me come in there. MATT: Actually, I guess I’ll leave this here. LIAM: Leave it nearby. MATT: I’ll set it aside. MARISHA: Well, if you hit all with everything at once, then the worst that can happen is that we have to fight two more things at the same time. LIAM; Well, Jester did necrotic, and I can obviously handle, well, I can handle evocation or– LAURA: Who has divination, though? MATT: What you didn’t notice during this process was the pillar above, the base re-closed. MARISHA: So we have to do it all at once. LIAM: I can do both divination and evocation. SAM: At the same time? LIAM: Can you do one of those things? SAM: I don’t know. You taught me magic. What are mine? What are my spells? LIAM: Well, tell me what you are able to do. SAM: Here, I’ll show you on D&D Beyond. TRAVIS: What are the last two? Divination and– LIAM: Divination and evocation. LAURA: Does anybody have one of those? SAM: Most of mine are illusion and something else. LIAM: Yeah, you can do evocation with this one– SAM: Okay, I can do evocation! LIAM: But you have to get up there, though. You have to touch it with that one. LAURA: Can your mage hand lift you up? SAM: No. But I can do climb! TALIESIN: Well, we have to do it in the bowl. SAM: Or we do it to the rod. TRAVIS: To the bowl. LIAM: So you handle evocation. I can handle the divination. You handle necrotic. MATT: Where are the bowls placed right now? On the symbols in the center? SAM: In the hole. MATT: What are you doing? SAM: I can do Shocking Grasp as a evocation spell. LAURA: Wait. I have an idea. Maybe we should take the bowls outside of the room and cast something on the bowls and see if one of the symbols on the bowls light up. That way, the staff doesn’t absorb the spell immediately. Because when I cast Toll the Dead, I was trying to cast it on the bowl, right? But instead, my spell went up into the middle of the staff. Maybe if we try casting it on the bowls outside of the room, that won’t happen. SAM: Can’t we cast it on the staff? TALIESIN: There is a room outside this room where it seems like there was a room for maybe preparing the bowls? TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s do that. Jester, lead the way. LIAM: It is worth a try. Of course it is. LAURA: Just so we don’t have to fight another cube, just in case. LIAM: I’m pretty good. I have not let go all of my preparation for the day. LAURA: How many points of healing did you give me? When you poured the spell in my mouth? MATT: Was it a regular healing potion? TRAVIS: Yeah, just regular. MATT: 2d4 plus two. LIAM: Is everyone all right? TRAVIS: Six. LIAM: Jester, how are you feeling? LAURA: I’m feeling like I’m a little sick right now, but you know. LIAM: No, not Laura but you: Jester. How are you feeling? LAURA: I’m feel like I’ve got very little health. Like I’m bleeding a little bit from my ears. LIAM: I reach into the satchel on the side. SAM: No. You keep it. I’ll do it. LIAM: I give her my potion of healing. Regular healing. LAURA: Caleb, I have healing spells still. It’s okay. LIAM: Well, what are you complaining about then? LAURA: I wasn’t bitching at all! You asked. LIAM: That is not the verbiage that I chose at all. SAM and ASHLEY: The “werbage”. (laughter) TRAVIS: Wubba lubba “werbage”! LAURA: Let’s fucking go out into this hallway, okay? TRAVIS: Yeah. Beau and I take the bowls. We head out into the hallway. MATT: You guys head out past the traps, carefully stepping across the currently-held traps and you have the bowls in the far hallway. LAURA: Should we try casting a spell on one of the bowls and see what happens? TRAVIS: Yeah. We lay all three of them, one, two, three, out in a row. LIAM: Necro, evo, and divination all together. TRAVIS: Evo, you first. Pick a bowl. SAM: Wait, no. We have to do it instantaneously. LAURA: No, we don’t. I don’t think so because we’re not in the room anymore so we can try to see if the bowls do anything. LIAM: Do you think it would hurt if we did it at the same time? SAM: Yeah, what’s the problem with that? TRAVIS: Sure, try it. We’ll see what happens. LIAM: Let’s do it at the same time. SAM: At the count of zwei. MARISHA: Beau takes off her belt. LAURA: I’m going to cast my Spare the Dying cantrip. MATT: Which is? LAURA: Necromancy. MATT: Necromancy. You’re casting? SAM: Shocking Grasp. MATT: Okay. Which is evocation. LIAM: Identify, which is divination. MARISHA: I take off my belt, and I hold it up like a rally car racer girl. (silence) TRAVIS: We’re waiting. MARISHA: Three, two, one. (swishing) SAM: (gibberish) MATT: You guys all cast your spells. No effect on the bowls. SAM: We have to be in the room! MATT: It’s hard to see because there’s still the ash caked on the inside of it. LAURA: Wait. I blow on the bowl. Does it look like any of the symbols got any brighter? TALIESIN: I would say the one that I had I probably polished up. MATT: It’s very hard to see with very little light in here. LIAM: Okay. That was good. We checked that box, so let’s go back into the room. MATT: Make an intelligence check. LIAM: Yeah, okay. MARISHA: Come on. LIAM: Yeah, that’s good. It’s 20. MATT: 20? Very good. There is something bugging you in the back of your head. Something that says the fact that these were urns that carried ash speaks to the purpose of these. You can’t make the connection here, but the fact that each of these were filled with ash is bugging you. There’s something there. LIAM: The urns, currently, are totally empty? MATT: They’re totally empty, yes. SAM: Why don’t we cast it on the rod? LIAM: I know. I– LAURA: Do we need to set these on fire? LIAM: We maybe need to go upstairs and scoop some of the dustbuster bullshit into these and bring them down. TRAVIS: Nott, you want to go cast it on the rod? Let’s go. You and me, we’ll do it. LAURA: You need three spells. LIAM: No, I’m saying we need to go collect some of the ashes of the dead from upstairs. TRAVIS: Or maybe we need to set them on fire. LIAM: Something is missing here. LAURA: We need to set it on fire? ASHLEY: Wait, are they already filled with ash? Right now? MATT: The ash has been mostly cleaned out. MARISHA: I still have this holy water, too. MATT: Yeah, you have your torch, and you have your spells. LIAM: It’s possible that we need to burn something afresh. LAURA: Hold the torch under one of the bowls. LIAM: Yeah, I can set things on fire as well. Do you want to do one? LAURA: Just hold it under and see what happens. LIAM: Yeah, it’s easier. I cast Firebolt into one of them. MATT: You cast Firebolt into one of them. The flame bursts in there as you guys take the torch over to the side. As the fire subsides, you see each of the symbols, portions of them are left glowing and slowly fade. MARISHA: Which ones? Which portions? MATT: All of them. All the symbols have certain parts of them that just glow for a second in the presence of fire and then fade. LAURA: Hold the torch under one of them for a long time and see what happens. MATT: Who’s going to hold the bowl? TALIESIN: I’ll hold the bowl. I’m resistant to fire. MATT: You take the bowl, and you hold it out there. It hurts a little but as you hold the torch underneath, it begins to light up. You watch as the symbols begin to glow on the inside of these metal inscribed bits. TALIESIN: Look at this. LAURA: Woah! Here we go. SAM: So creepy. TALIESIN: There we are. MARISHA: Yes! SAM: What? Parts of the symbols are glowing more. LAURA: We were wrong about what we needed to cast. LIAM: Just to note, Schmidt is still here with us. If we need anyone to hold anything that’s dangerous– LAURA: That’s that one. TALIESIN: We need– transmutation– LAURA: What is this? TALIESIN: That’s– LAURA: Illusion! We need an illusion. SAM: I know those! TALIESIN: And we need enchantment. LAURA: Transmutation– TALIESIN: Illusion and enchantment. MARISHA: And enchantment. LAURA: I have an enchantment. LIAM: I have transmutation. TRAVIS: There’s fine writing around the square. That’s not just a shape. See this writing in here? SAM: I know an enchantment spell and an illusion spell. LIAM: I know enchantment and transmutation. SAM: Why don’t you do trans? I’ll do enchant. LAURA: I can transmute or something. SAM: Oh, you can? LAURA: I think so. LIAM: All right. We’ll figure out– TALIESIN: I don’t think it turns. SAM: I’m so glad you taught me magic, Caleb. TALIESIN: I’ve got an idea. I think I know how it works now. SAM: I don’t know how it works, and I’m not paying any attention. I’m very drunk. TALIESIN: This is great. I think that this is a guide. We know what we need to know because of these bowls. I think we need all three of these versions of the spells placed in each of these points. MARISHA: We put bowls– no. LAURA: We don’t even need the bowls. SAM: One, two three, right there! That’s where we need to spin it over there! TALIESIN: Everybody stand at their point. LAURA: Wait. I got to find my spell that actually does the thing that I said I could do. SAM: Oh! Right there! See? That symbol matches with this one. TALIESIN: (sarcastically) Are you sure? SAM: I figured this out, guys! (laughter) LAURA: Wait, I have enchantment. SAM: So what do you have? LAURA: Enchantment. TALIESIN: We need transmutation and illusion. LIAM: I have transmutation and enchantment. SAM: I have illusion and transmutation. LIAM: And what do you have, Jester? LAURA: I have enchantment. LIAM: So you’re enchantment. That means I have transmutation. SAM: I’m illusion. MARISHA: All right, yes! TALIESIN: If anything starts to happen, I want you to run for the door. LAURA: Okay. I’ll go stand by the enchantment– under the symbol for enchantment, just in case. TALIESIN: That would be the three dots. SAM: What about you Fjord? Don’t you have some spells on you? Why aren’t you helping out? TRAVIS: What do you want? LAURA: Can you do enchantment? TRAVIS: Nope. I got evocation. I got necrotic. LIAM: If another cube or something comes out– TALIESIN: We need fighters. MARISHA: Me and Fjord will stand by in case anything else drops out of the ceiling. LIAM: That’s right. We’ve got these two bruisers here. That’s good. I concur. TALIESIN: Just in case, I’m going to light my other sword too. MATT: (flames) Mark your damage on that. SAM: Where are we casting it upon? LAURA: I think we’re casting it at the staff. SAM: All right. MARISHA: Yasha, you want to take another point? Fighters and casters? ASHLEY: Yep. TRAVIS: Oh my god. I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself again. LAURA: Do we need to be standing in front of the symbol that it lines up with? TALIESIN: I would stand in front of the symbols on the triangle, personally. LAURA: I’ll go stand in front of the three dots. MARISHA: This was a research facility for mages. They’re super uppity about this shit, yeah. SAM: I go over next to the illusion one. LIAM: I, of course, in front of transmutation. MATT: As you guys are triangulated around those specific coordinates you’ve set yourselves, what do you do? LAURA: We count to three and we go? LIAM: You’re doing what? I’m doing Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp again with my cat’s paw. LAURA: I’m doing Hold Person. SAM: I’m taking a bit of fleece and doing some hand symbols and casting Silent Image. MATT: All right. You’re casting–? LAURA: Hold Person. MARISHA: I pull off the belt again. ASHLEY: Sword at the ready. MARISHA: One, two, three! MATT: As the three of you complete your incantations, the energy unleashed from the arcane and divine schools of magic, you watch as the energy disperses from the spell, and all three go (sucking sound) right into the center rod. It sits there shimmering from the impact. You guys back away, and it slowly goes cold again. On the opposite side of the chamber, you hear (grinding), and you watch as a false wall on the opposite end rotates open, leading you to a hallway on the opposite side that was previously closed. (cheering) MATT: Well done, guys! LAURA: Oh man! TRAVIS: I cast Armor of Agathys for nothing. MATT: You still got it for an hour. LAURA: That’s good, because who knows what else we’ll run into while we’re down here. MARISHA: On the other side. TRAVIS: Well, I’m wearing it. I’ll run over to the door. TALIESIN: Check for traps. LIAM: Wait! I sit down, and I start doing the ritual for Detect Magic again. Ten minutes. MATT: While he’s doing that, anybody else doing anything? TRAVIS: I’m running over to the door. I’m not crossing the threshold. I just want to see. I got darkvision. MATT: Looking inside, with what low light is coming through from the edges of Yasha’s torchlight, the first thing that hits you is the smell. It’s a strange combination of old decay, strong rust, and burnt hair. It’s hard to describe, but it’s a very unpleasant mingling of smells as it hits you. Looking inside, you see a chamber ahead divided into three smaller sections and a center main chamber area. The center main chamber area is what you can most make out the details of. It looks like some sort of inert arcane circle in the center. There’s a symbol drawn there with runes around, but it’s currently cold and dark. You can’t see much further beyond that because you’re staying at the doorway, and to the right and left it looks there’s two smaller chambers immediately, and then it goes further in. TRAVIS: We got more magic stuff inside. I know Caleb’s meditating, but it’s going to get hairy, I bet. Smells a little burnt hair-y. ASHLEY: I walk up behind Fjord. MATT: The torchlight extends into the chamber, and you can see a little more now. The two side chambers are almost pill-shaped. They’re rounded at each side, and they’re enclosed, but open into the center chamber. At each of these rounded edges, as you step inside and glance to the right and left, you can see cage-like contraptions: iron domes that are very tight-knit, dark iron rusted metal. They’re on the edges of each side. You see load-bearing pillars in the center of the chamber to the right and left, and cold braziers behind those against the walls: little domed pieces of stone that once contained flame for light. Across the way you can see two tables with chairs, a bookcase. That’s all you can see at this distance. TRAVIS: The dome cages are solid steel, or are they bars? MATT: They’re bars, but the bars are an inch, inch and a half between each. It’s very little space in between. TALIESIN: I’m going to start heading in this direction, too. Does one of them look like it was possibly holding a gelatinous cube at some point? MATT: Are you entering the chamber to look? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll go with you. LAURA: You should detect traps. SAM: All right, I’ll look for traps. I know it’s my job. MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. LIAM: Five more minutes! SAM: 13. MATT: Best you can tell, there’s no traps in this first portion of the chamber. SAM: All clear. I take another swig from my flask. MATT: Okay. How drunk are you right now? SAM: Pretty drunk. MATT: We’ll put you in the drunk status, then. SAM: It’s been a long night. TRAVIS: Yasha, Molly, want to come in? SAM: By the way, Yasha, can I say, you weren’t even with us yesterday, and now you’re down here doing this! Is this crazy? What were you doing yesterday? ASHLEY: I was sitting in the tavern and then you guys came into the tavern. SAM: But did you know that you’d be down here with us tonight? ASHLEY: Yes, Nott, I did. SAM: How did you know that? ASHLEY: I happen to– no, Nott, I did not know. SAM: How and when will I die? ASHLEY: I can’t tell you that, Nott. SAM: But you know! ASHLEY: Yes, of course. TRAVIS: She’s powerful. TALIESIN: Don’t spoil it for her. We’ll find out in an hour or so anyway. ASHLEY: Okay. Good call, Molly. MATT: Yasha, you enter with the torch as well? All right, the three of them enter. You guys following behind or are you staying back with Caleb? LIAM: Caleb is super intense on his shit right now, going: I am helping the group. Everyone’s going to be safe. MARISHA: Beau’s left behind going: Come on! Pick it up, Caleb! LAURA: Beau, should I use my last spell to heal myself? SAM: I have a healing potion. MARISHA: Jester, you should always look out for yourself first, all right? TRAVIS: I have a healing potion if you want one, too. LAURA: So I should cast the spell on myself? MARISHA: I am waiting behind, motherfucker! TRAVIS: I take a healing potion, and I hand it to Jester. LAURA: This seems like a waste of money. I’m trying to be smarter with my money. SAM: No, you’re the worst with money. MATT: Regular healing potion? 2d4 plus two. TRAVIS: Seven. TALIESIN: Yay, double digits. MATT: It’s better than half. As you guys begin to enter the chamber, you are now stepping into the center of this inert magical circle, with the two cold braziers and the pillars. You see the four cages on the two opposite ends of the rounded, pill-shaped side rooms, and across the way there is the bookcase and the two tables. As you get closer and see, there’s two non-lit candelabra. What faint bits of candle remnants are there are mostly melted, and the wax dripping off and causing small pools in the ground, but they’ve been cold for some time. TRAVIS: I go over to one of the cages. LIAM: Did we wait the short amount of time for Detect Magic? MARISHA: I am in-between you and them, and I’m going: come on, come on. TRAVIS: I go over to one of the cages, the nearest left one. MATT: Perception check. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: You glance through with the light that’s flickering through the various gaps in this iron cage, and inside you can see a similar clay urn, deep red, sitting in the center. You see burnt and tattered clothing at the sides of it. TRAVIS: Oh jeez. Got another urn here full of ash. LAURA: Be careful! SAM: Kill it! Break it! TRAVIS: Anyone want to check the other cages? Make sure it’s not the same thing in each? TALIESIN: I’ll go take a look at the other cage. ASHLEY: I’ll go look at another one. MATT: You glance– make a perception check. LAURA: I’m hanging out with Caleb and Beau. MATT: You finish your ability. Your Detect Magic is now in effect. TALIESIN: 19. MATT: Glancing into one of the far end cages– What did you get, Yasha? ASHLEY: I got 17. MATT: You guys hit two other cages on the right side, both the far end close edge of that platform. You’re looking in the small cages. You see another urn, and you glance up and see at the very top, there’s a chain of some kind that was wrapped in a noose. You see the urn that contains the ash down within, there are remnants of ash around the outside in a circle, and bits of cloth and material, and this chain noose hanging above where this urn was. TALIESIN: Would I be insane for thinking this is how they make them? SAM: Make what? LAURA: The will-o’-wisps. LIAM: The will-o’-wisps are the dead. They are left from the dead. TALIESIN: This was a factory, maybe? TRAVIS: Heading over to Molly, I stop in the middle of the room at that inert circle. Does it look like anything? MATT: Make an arcana check. ASHLEY: Are we near the table at all? TRAVIS: 21. MATT: You guys can move to the opposite end if you want to get closer to the table. Looking at the inert circle, it looks like– You have an instinctual arcane knowledge that’s been imparted upon you by whatever this gift has been given to you, so the knowledge comes to you. It’s alien but familiar at the same time, and your brain’s trying to work through this disconnect. This circle looks like it was once developed to be a teleportation circle, but has since, it seems, been scarred and closed. TRAVIS: I feel like this was used to move or deliver people or things. This was a center for transportation. SAM: What the fuck are you talking about? (laughter) LAURA: Are we in the other room still, or did we come in? MATT: Caleb has now finished and you guys can enter the chamber. TRAVIS: Real bright. (laughter) SAM: Sounds good, Fjord. ASHLEY: How close to the table can we get? MATT: How close do you want to get? There’s two tables, both kitty-corner into the further chamber. TALIESIN: I want to wait for Caleb at this point. LAURA: Can I look around the room? SAM: Do you need my help? TRAVIS: Is he done yet? LIAM: Give me a second to blacklight the room. MARISHA: Caleb, I love you, but we are missing out on other shit. I’m having extreme FOMO right now. Come on. LAURA: We’re in the room. Let’s go. LIAM: Yeah, I’m waiting for the narrator to– MATT: Yeah, I told you, a couple times. You finished your spell. LIAM: Yes, good, right. So I’m walking. Is there anyone between the bookshelf and me, where I am? Is Fjord? MATT: Yes, currently it looks like Jester and Yasha are in between that space. LIAM: Who’s the closest? MATT: They’re both equidistant. LIAM: I walk up between the two of them, and I have a 30 foot radius on the spell, so I’m basically doing this, but I’m very interested in the bookshelf obviously. I’m looking everywhere. MATT: There’s a very faint magical aura from the symbol in the center, but it seems largely clouded and marked off. It’s like somebody had taped over a blacklit drawing. It’s been marred and prevented from use, from what it seems at the moment. LIAM: Is there a type? I will ask that every time. MATT: Yes, there is. And just to be consistent, here. LIAM: Friendship magic. MATT: It is conjuration. There is a very faint magical essence, straight ahead. As you focus and lean forward, it becomes a little stronger. Above the bookshelf, there is a shape, embedded in the wall, that is emitting a slight magical aura. LIAM: In the wall, above the bookshelf? MATT: Above the bookshelf, you don’t have quite enough light, and Yasha’s holding the torch that’s being cut off from the roof. TALIESIN: I’ve got a light stone in my pocket if anyone wants to go for it. Here, hold on– SAM: A light stone? LAURA: Ooh, I’ll climb up on the bookshelf. TALIESIN: Careful! MATT: As you approach, the bookshelf is mostly empty. Similar to the first chamber you went to, it looks like either everything in here was taken or destroyed. Most of the bookshelf is plain empty with broken pieces, and tattered bits of paper, and no books present on the shelf at the moment. LIAM: Zero books. MATT: That you see on the shelf as you close in to look at it. As you climb the shelf and look up, above the bookshelf there is, placed ornamentally on the wall, a very wide blade, longsword of some kind is bolted onto the wall as an ornamental display. LAURA: Does it look trapped? Is this trapped on the wall? SAM: You want me to check it? LAURA: Climb up on the bookshelf with me! TRAVIS: Please pull it out. TALIESIN: This can’t go wrong. SAM: I go up and check. I got a– oh wait, disadvantage, I’m drunk. That’s a 19. MATT: 19. Best you can tell, there’s no trap. LAURA: Should I try to pull it out? TRAVIS: Yeah, pull it off. I’ll give you all my health potions in one day. LAURA: I lift, I pull, and I try to pull it off the wall. MATT: Okay. It takes you a moment, because it’s bolted in. The blade comes free, and you pull back on it you begin to, “Whoa!” off the side. You guys catch Jester. She plummets off of the bookshelf. You manage to trust fall her, if you will, as she falls from the top. LAURA: Good job not getting stabbed, you guys, because this is sharp-looking. MATT: It is a heavy-looking blade. The hilt of it is gold and curls up to the side. It is all these tiny runes inscribed along the edge. The central blade is thick. It’s about that wide at the side and slowly tapers to the edge. None of you come from a specific blacksmith background, so you wouldn’t know the purpose of the blade, but it looks dangerous. LAURA: This is a sacrificial blade for sure. TRAVIS: Is it long? MATT: Yeah, it’s about six feet long. LIAM: Jester’s holding it? LAURA: I’m holding it. LIAM: How’s the girth? LAURA: It’s pretty girthy. Can you identify it? LIAM: I obviously can do that, and I have a little bit of reserve left, but we are still not topside yet, so we can either sit for ten minutes and I can tell you exactly what it does, or we wait until later. But I’m not willing to do this– MARISHA: No more ten minutes. LIAM: It is ten minutes. LAURA: I’ll strap it to my back. LIAM: We can wait until later. TALIESIN: Put it in the bag. LAURA: It’s very sharp and the bag is easily punctured and I don’t want to risk it. I’ll strap it to my back. TRAVIS: Shouldn’t we, for good measure, be breaking up these other ceramic–? TALIESIN: Are those ceramic pots giving anything off? MATT: The tables, by the way, that are right next to the bookshelf, have writing utensils, quills on the side, one has an inkwell that has been long dried over that has a spider web attached to it. LIAM: Does it have any paper? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: A natural 20. LAURA: Ooh! MATT: You don’t notice any paper, but as you glance underneath one of the tables, on the bottom it looks like one book has been not taken, or at least had fallen beneath and was left behind. SAM: Liam just got an erection. MATT: I heard it! It was like (deep thud) on the table. TRAVIS: Oh come on, it’s like (light thud). LIAM: No, the first one was right. MATT: The book, as you pull it out, a corner of it is burned pretty heavily. LIAM: Detect Magic’s still going, by the way. MATT: Correct. There’s no magical source from it. Where you found it, there’s a bit of an ash trail that leads back towards the far wall, towards where one of the braziers is. You get the sense that maybe whatever was in here may have been thrown in the braziers to burn and this book got discarded or thrown. You open and start looking through the pages. What languages do you know? LIAM: I know Common! Oh god. I don’t know where to look on D&D Beyond. SAM: Proficiencies. MATT: It would be under proficiencies, probably. SAM: No, it’s not there. MATT: Oh, it’s not? Okay. SAM: Come on, D&D Beyond! TALIESIN: Character details, under description. LIAM: Description, character details? I know Sylvan, Common, and Celestial. MATT: You do not recognize this script. LIAM: Then I will cast Comprehend Languages. SAM: I hope that doesn’t get rid of all your other spells. LIAM: It doesn’t. Just one. I cast Comprehend Languages. MATT: As you finish casting the spell, Caleb’s hand incantation completes, the eyes light up with a strange yellowish energy. All the words on the page that previously made no sense suddenly shift, go out of focus, and come back into focus in a language that you can understand. It is Draconic. Reading through briefly, and it is scribblings, disjointed and broken in place. Taking a moment to look through, you get the sense this is the journal of somebody named Siff Duthar. LIAM: Don’t write that down! LAURA: Why? LIAM: Because only I know it! MARISHA: I’m definitely going to write it down. SAM: Siff Duthar! MATT: Siff. S-I-F-F. Duthar. LAURA: The thing is, he probably won’t ever tell us. SAM: He’ll tell me! MATT: The pages, the ramblings speak of a coming war. They talk about foolish pawns who follow their gods to annihilation. They speak of the armies of Ghor Dranas washing over the land and pauper and kings alike being saved not at all and being placed on a pike and held like a banner into battle regardless of who they are. They speak of the weakness of flesh and the need to endure beyond the paltry life shell that we’re given. It talks about experiments with refugees, finding if the soul is bound to the flesh in any form, be it ice or ash. It speaks of an obsession with avoiding the eternal hunger of The Crawling King, he who tunnels beneath the world and will find him. SAM: Oh boy. This seems like beyond our level stuff. TALIESIN: Is there an audiobook version of this? MATT: It speaks of a bounty hunter, who had infiltrated this sanctum after Siff. And while it cost Siff his legs, the hunter was burned into the brazier, flames of erasure. A trophy shall be taken and displayed as a warning. MARISHA: It’s the sword! It’s the fucking sword! MATT: From there, it grows more and more manic. The scrawlings taking you a moment, even with the spell, to focus and make it out. Speaking on quaking within the earth around that shakes the surrounding hills and darken the sky. The betrayer gods come. The power of man must remain. The arcane gifts must bypass their punishment, show them that they are not above their creations. The final notes grow even more paranoid, worried that the secrets that Siff seeks will fall into the hands of Ghor Dranas and that all must be destroyed. All must come to ash and from the ashes, shall rise again. That’s the final page before the rest of the book is charred beyond recognition. LIAM: Right. I tell nobody this. SAM: Just say that all again one more time, Matt. MATT: I can. LAURA: Say it all out loud. LIAM: I do read it out loud. SAM: That is hard core. TALIESIN: What’s in the urn? MARISHA: Yeah, “from ashes shall rise again?” Are we going to fight some guy who’s going to chop off our legs? LAURA: What? MARISHA: It talked about chopping off our legs! LAURA: But then this sword belongs to the guy who came to save Siff? The bounty hunter? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah, the trophy was a warning. He lost his legs. TALIESIN: I want to take a look at some of these cages with the urns. LAURA: What was the thing about “fire or ice,” though? It was like, “fire or ice?” LIAM: Jester, while Molly is looking around, hold that for me. Hold it still. LAURA: Hold what still? LIAM: The sword, and I will tell you what it is, but you have to hold it for a while, Muscles. LAURA: I’m good. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, you begin to notice, as you’re yelling and talking, your breath is now visible in the air, the temperature growing colder and colder still. You, looking past the chamber towards one of these urns, you see a very faint light, a flicker within where the ashes are. As this happens, the center circle of the chamber begins to glow darker and darker as a shadow begins to emerge from the center of the chamber. Shifting out of the ground, some sort of whipping cloak around a humanoid figure rises out made of pure shadow and darkness. The cloth is tattered and shifting around causing this horrible whipping sound like a wind is blowing extremely intensely, but only localized around this figure. As the face is visible, you see this ghastly flesh-stretched against the skull that’s still made of dark gray matter that begins to shift and move with the shadows around it. The voice, (rasping) “Now secrets are yours.” We’ll pick up there next week. (yelling) SAM: Wait, what?! LIAM: Oh man. TRAVIS: Something wicked this way comes. SAM: I’m so confused! LAURA: I don’t have hardly any hit points! SAM: He’s going to talk to us. MARISHA: I tried to write as much as I could. LIAM: It’s okay, I have one spell slot left, it’s fine. LAURA: I’ve got a 2nd-level and a 1st-level. MARISHA: Maybe we should run. LAURA: We should probably run. MATT: We have a week to think about it. LAURA: Was he coming up out of the teleportation circle? MATT: You guys were all towards the bookshelf and the tables. It emerges from the center area near the circle, not from the center of the circle, but in that vicinity. He wasn’t emerging, he wasn’t teleporting in. He was rising out the ground while Molly’s off by one of the cages on the side. TALIESIN: I saw something happen in that cage. MATT: You did. TRAVIS: I’m at that other corner. MATT: Yeah. You and Molly are both at the other corners. ASHLEY: I don’t want to wait a week! SAM: May I ask: What were we sent here to get again? MARISHA: I was going to say, I don’t think we’ve achieved anything. TRAVIS: No, we were supposed to get rid of the orb. MATT: You guys were sent here to– MARISHA: He wanted us to bring back any type of ancient research that we could find. SAM: Just research? MARISHA: But we could keep any of the spoils. LAURA: We could run away, bring the book and run away. LIAM: All we have to say is we cleared it. TRAVIS: Yeah, if we want to be a little punk ass bitch about it! We got to take this guy down! LAURA: This guy is way beyond our level. LIAM: Yeah, we need to do some discussion. MATT: This is a game of choices, guys. Figure out what your choices are for next week. On that note, well done, guys! ASHLEY: I don’t want to wait a week, I want to do it right now! MATT: If it wasn’t already 10:38, we could continue. LIAM: That’s nothing. I could go for another two hours, at least. MATT: I know. But depending on what you do, could TPK real fast. No. Thank you guys so much. Thank you for watching and tuning in. Don’t forget the awesomeness with 826LA. SAM: Archer season seven? TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: Archer season nine, D&D Beyond, all our fantastic sponsors. Pillars of Eternity II, we’re super excited about that and the new comic. Check all that stuff out. Things to hold you over until next week, at the very least. LIAM: Only cool things here. Only cool things. MATT: Thank you so much for watching. Have a wonderful night and a wonderful week and is it Thursday yet? Good night! LIAM: No, it’s not! [music] MATT: Welcome guys, glad you could join us tonight. Before we get started on the game tonight, I’ve got some quick announcements to get through, so bear with us here. First and foremost, we have returning tonight our fantastic sponsor and friend, D&D Beyond! Sam. SAM: As we’ve previously announced, D&D Beyond is contributing $100 to 826LA for every natural one we roll, and that’s a lot! Also, as part of the 826LA charity initiative, now that we’re way past our $10,000 tier, D&D Beyond has offered up the discount code “826LA” for 25% off the legendary bundle. The legendary bundle includes all the digital materials available on the D&D Beyond site, so check it out now. A quick history lesson: I did some research. D&D Beyond actually, even though it’s a popular modern website, it started in the 80s when D&D started to get popular. It didn’t catch on because there was no internet, but they still had the website. They did an ad push for it and I found a script from their earliest ad that they put out. It’s a little dated. It’s a 1980s ad for D&D Beyond, and me and my friends here are going to act it out for you. TALIESIN: Help. SAM: We fade in on a teenager’s room. Knock, knock, knock. TALIESIN: Son! Turn down that Whitney Houston tape for a second! SAM: Grody to the max, Dad! It’s Pet Shop Boys. TALIESIN: Whatever. Did you do your homework? SAM: No duh, and now I’m going to watch 21 Jump Street on that brand new TV network, Fox! Richard Grieco is bodacious! LAURA: Well, your friend, Gail, is here to play that game you love. SAM: Punchout? Contra? Operation Wolf? LAURA: No, the one your Aunt Pam says was invented by Satanists. ASHLEY: Dungeons & Dragons! SAM: Hey, Gail! Where’s the beef? ASHLEY: Eat my shorts, dude! TALIESIN: Gail, are you sure D&D is safe? It scares me like rap music by Public Enemy and LL Cool J. SAM: Take a chill pill, Dad! D&D is radical. It’s as trustworthy as current Democratic presidential nominee Gary Hart. TALIESIN: He is trustworthy. (laughter) ASHLEY: Now it’s even better with D&D Beyond, with high speed internet, WiFi or a smartphone you can access your stats and more on your iPad or laptop. LAURA: Have any of those things been invented yet? ASHLEY: Gag me with a spoon, Mrs. Henderson. SAM: Righteous! Now I don’t even want to go see that brand new movie, The Lost Boys, I just want to play D&D! Cut to Travis. TRAVIS: D&D Beyond, available now exclusively at Sharper Image, Sam Goody, Circuit City, Tower Records, Comp USA and Crazy Eddie. (laughter) MATT: Thank you, Sam. TALIESIN: That was amazing. LIAM: How on earth did you not put a Growing Pains reference in that? SAM: This is all heavily researched 1987 facts. MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, D&D Beyond. We have another sponsor tonight. We’ve talked about them a little bit in the past and we’re super excited to bring Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire as an awesome sponsor of the show tonight. Once again, from the great Pillars of Eternity series, I was in the first one and all of us are in this one. It comes out very soon, May 8th. It’s in the same world, Eora. It’s a really fantastic isometric RPG in the classic style of Baldur’s Gate. The graphics are beautiful, and the music’s incredible. You’d have heard the first game’s music all through most of the Critical Role’s run so far. It’s a great story. For those that have finished the first game, it deals with the god Eothas who is now terrorizing this area called Deadfire. It’s very pirate ships and oceanic island travel and it’s pretty badass. You get to hear all of us in it and you also get to customize Vox Machina in it. SAM: What?! LAURA: You didn’t know! SAM: No! MATT: If you played the first game, you also get to carry over your save over into the second one and actually have your character and your choices in the first game connect to the new story, which is pretty rad. Check out the new companion voices, play the incredible story, and customize some characters who look like Vox Machina and also sound like them if you so feel like it. You can check it out and buy it at versusevil.com/criticalrole. LIAM: They’ve just revealed the very dashing portrait of Scanlan Shorthalt today. TRAVIS: Sex personified. MATT: Indeed. It’s awesome. The combat’s super tactical. It’s going to be for consoles later this year, the PC release is right around the corner. Get super excited, guys, it’s going to be awesome. Thank you, Pillars II and our friends at Obsidian. It’s one of those days. My brain is melting. Yeah, check it out. Vox Machina: Origins number six comic has been out for a week. If you haven’t had the chance, check it out. SAM: I’ve read it. It’s good! MARISHA: I love it when you’re surprised by your own content. It’s my favorite. MATT: That’s out. If you haven’t seen it yet, I recommend it. It finishes that first story arc. We’ll have some more announcements soon, hopefully. We hit our goal with 826, the charity we’ve been doing. We’ve hit 40K, which means I have to do another fireside chat. SAM: You get to do a fireside chat. LAURA: It’s a joy, Matt. MATT: It’s true. It is a joy, actually. TRAVIS: Sans robe this time? MATT: No. Don’t give them ideas. LIAM: You want sherry or schnapps? Or what do you want? MATT: Oh, we’re going port again. That was a good night. We’ve got that coming up. We’re getting a new stretch goal. If we hit 50K in the two next weeks, Marisha will be GMing another Honey Heist game. Super excited for that because that was a lot of fun. MARISHA: (singing) The bears are back in town! LAURA: Maybe we can play this time. MATT: Yes, because you guys were out of town last time. That’d be perfect. Remember, if you guys help donate to 826, who are a fantastic organization, our gracious critter, Mark, has matched the donations and has offered to match up to 50K now. SAM: What?! No! That’s too much! MATT: If we can get 50K, that’s 100K that we as a community have raised for this fantastic organization. You guys are amazing! Keep being amazing. Be sure to check with your employer to see if they offer a charity matching program as well, because that’s another cool way you can get double bang for your buck to help out with charity organizations, too. Thank you so much, guys, for being awesome. Critical Recap just came out for last week’s episode. If you haven’t checked that out yet, you should’ve before this episode started! If you missed that and didn’t watch last week’s episode, you’ll be very confused. If you have a friend who’s behind and wants to catch up with the live stream, Critical Recap is a great way to get them caught up really quickly so they’re not spoiled. Then they can go back and trudge through the previous episodes in a lengthy format. Talks Machina is every Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific time, where our fantastic host, Brian W. Foster, talks about the previous episode. Next week will be this episode of Critical Role with a few guests from the show to come there and talk about what randomness happened in our brain tonight. Check that out. Podcast of last week’s episode is available where all fine podcasts are available for download. To remind you, because it’s been a few weeks, I’ll be at Otafest at Calgary May 18th to 20th. Not that far from now, just a few weeks. Be seeing some of you Canadian folks. I’ll be at A-Kon in Texas June 7th to 10th, so look forward to seeing you guys there. I think, unless there’s anything else I missed, that’s all the announcements we have in log. LIAM: My gosh, you’ve got a lot going on these days. MATT: I know. It’s all sorts of crazy, let me tell you. It’s a lot. On that note, folks, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein, after being in proximity to some sort of an assault from Xhorhasian operatives in the city of Zadash here in the center of the Empire, they found themselves also caught up in a murder of the High-Richter in the city. They pulled away and realized there was a manhunt for individuals that were seemingly seen in connection to this murder. As this was transpiring, they had to smuggle out some allies they had found and had been working with, Dolan and Horris. Dolan, part of this whole deal was to get him involved in the local politics. Horris needed to be smuggled out for safety in case they got caught. You made your way to the Evening Nip, met up with Yasha. Down there, you had a conversation with this individual called The Gentleman. You made a deal. You’ve decided to trust each other on this endeavor and basically do a quid pro quo. A little favor to one, favor for the other and see if this is a business relationship you would want to develop. In doing so, Horris was smuggled out of the city. Safely, seemingly. LAURA: He keeps saying seemingly! He keeps saying that! MATT: I keep saying that because you weren’t there to confirm! I don’t want to say that it happened because the mystery’s fun. You were brought down through the tunnels to the Underworks, towards an underground dock, where the river that exited to the northeast towards Berleben was. You loaded up on boats to make your way towards a recently uncovered but barely explored underground research facility, long buried. The Gentleman asked you to enter it, see what you found, clear it out if possible, and return. As you made your way down there, assailed by a few of the creatures that existed in that tunnel, you found the exterior of this research facility, broke your way in, began to meander around and discover strange mysteries afoot in its construction. The urns throughout the vicinity, the strange wisps of spiritual energy came to assault you in the process. Bypassing traps, mostly, kind of. TRAVIS: Or not at all. MATT: Completing the mystery of the strange arcane runes in the ceiling and the schools of magic that they seemed connected to, found your way into some sort of a secret study or den, where there were research tables set up, and a mostly empty bookshelf, braziers filled with ash to the side between pillars, two small chambers where these cages with tight knit bars remained, containing urns and empty nooses hanging above. These urns filled with ash. You began to look throughout the room. You found a sword across the upper ceiling, an ornamental blade of some kind. You recovered a book of notes and began to read through to get a feel for the person, the entity that seemed to have written what remained of these pages. Around this time, the wind began to pick up in the center of the chamber, as this darkened figure began to rise out of the stonework. This large, tattered cloak of a figure, spreading, whipping around like this sudden wind is tossing aside sails of a dark ship. This semi-skeletal ghostly face of material began to emerge from it. Its voice slowly hissing out, “My secrets are yours.” You saw small glows begin to emerge from the ash and to the urns nearest the two of you. That, my friends, is where we last left off. LAURA: That’s right. We marked our places on the map, where we left last time. SAM: We did? I was very intoxicated. MATT: As this thing emerges here, it doesn’t seem to, at the moment, make any sort of aggressive maneuver. What do you do? LIAM: Does it have any legs? MATT: Imagine a figure that is wrapped in four or five layers of robes, and the robes have been shredded out, all these moving tendrils of cloth and black shadow energy that are spinning around in places. Its center chin and body are stationary. The bottom half of its body seems to taper into nothingness, disappearing into cloth and ever-shifting and whipping material at the base. LAURA: Are you Siff? MATT: The head turns over and locks onto Jester. Doesn’t answer. MARISHA: He said he wants to tell us secrets or something. I like secrets. LAURA: Secrets are fun. MARISHA: Yeah. Secrets make friends. MATT: (moaning) Glides slowly in your direction. SAM: Give him something. Information, news, something. LAURA: I have a secret for you! Did you know that in Nicodranas the pastries are made with cinnamon and here they’re not? (laughter) MATT: There’s a brief moment where the entity’s head, much like a young puppy confused by a rattling sound in the distance, (snapping) in Jester’s direction, “A secret for trade.” MARISHA: For trade, what does that mean? MATT: You know what? I’m going to pull the battle map. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: Cinnamon was his most hated spice! LAURA: I gave him a secret! SAM: He fucking hates cinnamon! LAURA: Oh no! I thought I was helping. ASHLEY: You were. You did great. MATT: He’s drifted up to that point there. LAURA: He’s in the teleportation circle. SAM: Ashley, even you don’t believe that. MATT: As you guys are preparing here, the whispers begin to slowly spill out of its face, voices spreading out. I need Jester, Yasha, and Beau to all make a wisdom saving throw, please. TALIESIN: My clay pot is glowing? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Nine. LAURA: 15. ASHLEY: 14. MATT: Both of you succeed actually. MARISHA: Tell me something cool! MATT: The secrets begin to penetrate your ears. You close off your consciousness and put your hands up to close the space. They don’t seem to penetrate your mind. Beau, however, these words start shooting into your brain. You feel for a moment your grasp on reality begin to slip. Suddenly, the world begins to spin. You feel yourself assaulted from all angles. You see flashes of ancient warfare, of giant columns of fire crashing from the cosmos. You spin your staff around retroactively. I need you to make an attack against Yasha, please. MARISHA: I’m sorry, boo! It’s not good, an 11. MATT: What’s your armor class? MARISHA: No sorry, ten. MATT: I’m pretty sure that doesn’t hit you. ASHLEY: 14. MATT: You see Beau, suddenly her eyes go wide, swing the staff wide in your direction. You deflect it with your blade. MARISHA: Fuck you, Genghis Khan! MATT: Now I need you all to roll initiative. LAURA: I wanted to talk! MATT: The first conversation wasn’t quite what he was looking for. LAURA: Shit balls. ASHLEY: Dang it, maybe we can still talk. LAURA: Hey, I just made us $100, you guys. (cheering) MATT: Conflicted feelings! LIAM: The 11 herbs and spices are– MATT: 25 to 20? SAM: 22. MATT: Nott at the top. 20 to 15? ASHLEY: 19. MATT: Ooh, Yasha! SAM: That’s the best thing you’ve ever rolled on initiative. MATT: 15 to ten? Oh boy. TRAVIS: Oh fuck. LAURA: Run away! MATT: Ten to five. MARISHA: Eight. LIAM: Sechs. TALIESIN: Five. MATT: Eight for Beau. Six for Caleb. Five both of you, Jester and Molly. TRAVIS: Natural one. LAURA: That was the weirdest, cutest hiccup I’ve ever heard! TALIESIN: Thank you! MATT: At this moment, Nott, you see this entity as it suddenly begins to emanate these whispers into the air. Your friends start all of a sudden grasping their faces. You see Beau try and swing at Yasha. Chaos is breaking loose. What are you doing? SAM: I run. I run as fast as I can. (screaming) MATT: Where are you going? SAM: I make a beeline for the opposite corner. Bonus action dash! Keep going! MATT: Over here? SAM: Yeah. Behind that cage. LAURA: There’s going to be a thing that comes out there, I think. SAM: Oh, well, I’ll be first to kill it then. Then action, I will hand crossbow up and hold until I see it make an aggressive action towards one of my acquaintances; we’re not quite friends yet. MATT: Good to know. Yasha, your turn. ASHLEY: Are we attacking him? TRAVIS: What do you want to do? MATT: What does Yasha want to do? What is Yasha’s instinct? ASHLEY: I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I don’t know if he has feet. (laughter) MATT: You do not see a foot on his body, no. ASHLEY: Shit! Already off to a bad start. You said, “My secrets are yours.” Did you want to give us a secret? MATT: “I’ve already given you a piece. More?” LAURA: That’s what he did to Beau. MATT: What are you doing? ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to take out my sword, and I’m going to attack. LAURA: You got it Yasha! Take him down! It’s one hit! ASHLEY: What’s going on at the bottom of his– TRAVIS: What’s all this action down here? MATT: That’s a dormant runic circle that has been lying there. Doesn’t seem to be reacting to his presence at all. LAURA: Maybe we can activate it. ASHLEY: Shit, I don’t like going first! Okay, I’m going to attack with my sword. MATT: Okay. You’re holding off on rage? ASHLEY: No. MATT: You’re raging? ASHLEY: I’m raging. I would like to rage. MATT: You bonus action rage. You angrily grit your teeth and rush up, swinging your sword in the air. Make your attack. ASHLEY: 18. MATT: 18 hits. Roll damage. LAURA: Kill that floating dude. Maybe he just flies. Maybe he’s got feet and his robes cover them up. TALIESIN: He’s tucking. LAURA: Yeah! TALIESIN: He could tuck. ASHLEY: Eight plus– MATT: Plus rage damage, ten right? Ten total? You rolled five, plus three for your strength, plus two for your rage. That would be a total of ten. ASHLEY: Yeah, ten. MATT: With which weapon is this? ASHLEY: My Moon-touched sword. MATT: Which is technically baseline magical so– okay. SAM: Baseline magical? MATT: Meaning it’s a very minor magical effect. As you strike, your blade carves through part of its body. Some of the cloth tears apart and he tries to grasp around the blade as you pull it free from nearby. Its face, its eyes click back towards you. When I say eyes, you now get a look, and it’s these vacant holes and this tightly pulled skin against this skeletal face. Black energy is billowing out of it like smoke is slowly pouring out of the sockets. That’s your turn? ASHLEY: Yes, that’s my turn. MATT: Now, out of the side cages, these glows all begin to emerge as four more of these wisp entities you had previously encountered in the chamber begin to shift through the cages towards the nearest source of life. This one’s going to go towards Nott. This one’s going to stay right there with Molly. This one’s going to go after Fjord as well as this one there. On that note, against Nott the attack is a seven. That is a low roll; I do not think that hits you. As you see it emerge, you freak out as it swings by and ducks into the wall briefly before re-emerging, shifting through the actual stone. Against Molly– another seven. TALIESIN: Ha ha! MATT: Two threes in a row. Two against you Fjord. That’s better. That’s a 20. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: The two of them begin to hit you from both sides. You’re not quite sure how to defend. One of them seems like it’s about to sweep at you. You go to deflect it as the other one slaps into the back of your head as you feel this shock energy hit you in the base of the skull. Your eyes go white for a second. You take 11– oh no sorry, I rolled the wrong dice for that one. You take five points of lightning damage. TRAVIS: Excellent. He takes ten points of ice damage, or frozen damage or whatever. LAURA and TRAVIS: Fro-yo damage! MATT: You see the ice crystals coalesce around the outside, not doing quite as much damage as you would have expected. TRAVIS: Oh, from hitting my frozen porcupine armor? That’s not great. MATT: The other one’s going to try and use that moment to swing at you and rob you of a little more life force. That is going to be a 12. What is your armor class? TRAVIS: Oh that misses, 15. MATT: Miss then. Just swings past you. The orbs now are glowing and sparking, preparing for the next round of assault. MARISHA: This is all the notes from what we learned about Siff Duthar. MATT: The next is going to be the entity in the center. MARISHA: I think he is a being of fire and ice, so I bet he’s immune to fire and ice. MATT: The entity is going to use its Howling Babble ability. Every creature within 30 feet of it that can hear it has to make a wisdom saving throw, so that’s all of you guys. SAM: Me too? LAURA: Can you hear it? MATT: (counting) You’re just 30 feet outside of it. SAM: When it does this, do I release my arrow? MATT: You would, yes. SAM: Okay, I will release my arrow bolt. That’s not good, 14? MATT: 14 hits. Roll damage. TALIESIN: Natural 20. SAM: What do I get, 3d6 right? One for the hit and then– that’s 18 points of damage, but it is not a magical weapon. MATT: It is not, so it is less affected by the wound as it strikes through its body. You see it tear through some of the material and part of the matter. The energy disperses the moment of impact. It damaged it, but something about it being between the planes and its essence is making it not as effectively damageable with regular weaponry. SAM: Hoo boy. What save were we making? MATT: That would be the wisdom save. TRAVIS: 17. MARISHA: Natural one? LIAM: 14. SAM: Natural one. (cheering) TRAVIS: Really? LAURA: 12. TALIESIN: 25. ASHLEY: Eight! TRAVIS and LAURA: We’re in so much trouble! ASHLEY: Guys, we’re doing fine. MATT: Beau, Jester, Yasha, and Nott. As this faint energy begins to disperse throughout the chamber, you hear thousands of voices trying to whisper into your ears simultaneously. They’re not making sense, and as they weave, your whole body begins to go catatonic. Your muscles tense and you fall to your knees. You’re all paralyzed until the end of your next turn. TRAVIS: Oh no! We’re in big trouble, you guys. MATT: It’s going to fly up and back. LAURA: Wait, I have a question. When we’re paralyzed, does that mean every attack against us is a critical? MATT: Every melee is, if it hits. That ends its turn. That brings us to Beau. You’re paralyzed, so at the end of your turn it fades. Sorry, not paralyzed, stunned. It’s not paralyzed. It’s stunned. MARISHA: Stunned. MATT: Correct. It is not– I had to read– MARISHA: What can I do? MATT: Stunned means you can’t really do anything this turn, but half make a sentence. You’re aware of your surroundings but you can’t take actions or move. At the end of your turn, it wears off. MARISHA: I’m going to be like: The fire and ice from the book and the lost sword and all that shit, remember? MATT: That ends Beau’s turn? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Seeing how terrible everything is around me I stick a quivering hand into my pocket and pull out a little copper wire. I learned how to do this from Nott. I cup it in my hands, and I cast Message to the thing. I’m going to text you what I’m– only it can hear me and I’m sending it to you. SAM: Digital whispers! LIAM: While backing against the wall behind me. MATT: You back up against the wall there. That ends your turn, Caleb? LIAM: I will send Frumpkin skittering down by Yasha’s feet. MATT: Jester and Molly. Jester, you are no longer stunned. That is your turn. LAURA: Okay, I’m done. MATT: Molly. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and break the pot in through the cage. I’m going to take a swipe at the pot through the cage with my sword. MATT: Okay. The cage, because the slits are very small, you cannot get your full hand in there, so with the blade there you might be able to get it, so make an attack roll with disadvantage. TALIESIN: Nine? MATT: Just misses. You strike the outside of it, but the blow– you watch as the urn (rocking in place). TALIESIN: I’m going to swing around and try to get another shot. MATT: You pull it out and jab once more towards it. TALIESIN: Stop doing that! You’ll get everyone drunk. Even worse. That’s actually a natural one. LAURA: They’re making so much money tonight! MATT: Apparently. ASHLEY: That’s already $500. MATT: As your blades are getting caught in the cage and try to pull it out, the large wisp is slowly pushing towards your body. TALIESIN: I’m going to run towards– I’m in combat with it. It gets an attack of opportunity if I run, doesn’t it? I’m going to steady myself and prepare for another attack. MATT: Fjord. TALIESIN: Nott, deal with this! TRAVIS: I’m going to cast Eldritch Blast into the pot in the bottom of the cage. MATT: Okay, with disadvantage because you’re aiming through the smaller space. It actually has cover. It’s largely just a small space you’re shooting through. TRAVIS: That’s not going to hit, that’s a three plus– 11. MATT: 11 does hit. TRAVIS: Oh does it? Wait I added that wrong; hold on. (stuttering) I’m pretty sure I added that wrong. LIAM: (Porky Pig stuttering) MATT: Your spell attack modifier. TRAVIS: Yeah no, that’s only a nine. MATT: Yeah that doesn’t hit, unfortunately. You’re trying to shoot the remainder and manage to hit the bar, and the bar bends back a little bit from the impact of the blast. However, it’s not actually hitting the urn on the inside. TRAVIS: Great, cool, awesome. Can I run? Can I use my speed– are they both in melee range? MATT: Yes, they are. TRAVIS: (high pitched laugh) Okay. I’ll stay right where I am, then. MATT: All right, Fjord. Top of the round again. Nott, you manage to (grunt) shrug off the stun, but that’s the end of your turn. SAM: Oh, great. I’m sorry I couldn’t help. MATT: Yasha, you shrug off the stun. That’s the end of your turn. All right. ASHLEY: Okay. Ah fuck. MATT: With that, all the wisps begin to close in once more on their targets. Molly, that’s a 23. TALIESIN: That’s a number. Yeah, that hits. MATT: You take six points of lightning damage as it shocks you from the side, again. The other one striking against you, Nott. That is going to be a 15 to hit. SAM: 16. MATT: 16 armor class! You manage to duck out of the way of this one as well. This one is beginning to flicker angrily, as it can’t seem to grasp and tear any sort of life force from you with shock. SAM: No, get away! MATT: Two against you Fjord. That is a ten, six plus four. TRAVIS: Misses. MATT: Misses. The other one is a 16. TRAVIS: (stuttering) That hits. MATT: That’s five points of lightning damage. TRAVIS: Ten points of cold damage to that particular wispy bastard. MATT: Which it takes a reduced amount. That ends their turn. Now we’ll see if the Howling Babble– It does not regenerate that ability. It does not recharge it. Now as the spectral entity begins to fly back towards this side, it’s going to shift over in this direction. We’re going to say that it’s gliding up near this pillar here. It’s about 20 feet up, right by where the ceiling is, and it’s glaring down at everybody. SAM: He doesn’t make an attack or anything? LAURA: He’s about to. SAM: Oh shit, oh man. MATT: It’s going to go ahead and use– Actually, it’s not, because you’re all too far away. Instead, it’s going to coast down towards the one that struck at it last turn. Rush right there. LAURA: Are his robes floating around him all cool like a Nazgûl? MATT: Between that and a Deathly Hallow look, but even more intense. Like an epic Deathly Hallow. It’s going to go ahead and attempt a Maddening Touch against you, Yasha. SAM: She’s already raging. She’s mad. MATT: That is a 16 to hit. ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: All right. You suffer– that’s actually a really shitty roll for him. Nine points of psychic damage. TALIESIN: Hmm, that’s a shitty roll. MATT: Plus three. Sorry, 12 points of psychic damage. LAURA: That’s a less shitty roll. MATT: Then it’s going to go ahead and attempt to fly back up into where it was, in the ceiling after it makes its strike. LAURA: All I’m hearing in my head is Careless Whisper now. TALIESIN: Do you get an attack of opportunity? TRAVIS: Doesn’t she have Sentinel? MATT: Oh you would get an attack of opportunity against it. MARISHA: Yes, Sentinel! MATT: That’s right, Sentinel feat! Oh, this might fuck it up. As it comes down and strikes at you, you feel this burst of maddening intent shower into your head. It sparks your brain with this horrible searing pain. You guys watch as Yasha screams out and begins to withdraw. With that, she all of a sudden clicks back into reality and swings wide with the sword. What did you roll? ASHLEY: 18. MATT: 18 hits, go ahead and roll damage. (cheering) MATT: Which means he can’t move. The Sentinel feat prevents him from moving. TRAVIS: Boom! Speed is zero. ASHLEY: Can I also add Divine Fury on– MATT: Yes, you may. Could have done that last round, too, but forgot. ASHLEY: I know. SAM: Shut up, Matt. (laughter) TRAVIS: Plus five, for your strength and rage. ASHLEY: (counting) Plus what? TRAVIS: Plus five. MATT: Yeah, with your rage, it’s whatever you rolled plus five and then plus half your level. Plus seven, technically. TRAVIS: Oh, wow. ASHLEY: 11. TRAVIS: Is that a divine thing? ASHLEY: Whoa, what’s happening in my brain? 13. Plus seven you said? 20. MATT: 20 points of– oh man that’s nasty. As it tries to pull away, you click back into reality and swing wide with your sword. As you do, you cut right through the center of its body, out the other end. You watch as the robe splinters open. You see this glowing pulse of dark energy in the center. As it (guttural wail) it has to fight to reform, its semi-corporeal form. It looks like it’s hurt pretty bad. SAM: Oh man. Nice. MATT: Yasha, that ends your turn? ASHLEY: That was my attack of opportunity. MATT: Oh that’s right! It was an attack of opportunity. Sorry, that was the creature’s turn. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to– I’m good, right? I’m going to run up and pull out that holy water that I didn’t use before. I’m going to parkour off of Yasha’s shoulder and spike it right at his feet. MATT: All righty, go ahead and roll your ranged attack. d20 plus your proficiency. MARISHA: Okay, I don’t know if that’s good, 16. MATT: That hits. Roll 2d6. ASHLEY: I’ll make my body all strong. MARISHA: Eight. MATT: It takes eight points of radiant damage as it splashes on its form. The flames suddenly begin to ignite across the front of its cloaked exterior. Because holy flames are licking up the side of it and burning and it’s (rasping cry). MARISHA: Okay, I still have my opportunity attack? I mean my– Sorry, my secondary attack. MATT: It’s a ranged attack roll. I’ll say sure. Usually you get the bonus on a punch. You have to move up to do it though. MARISHA: I did move up. I said I ran up next to Yasha and spiked it. I parkoured off her shoulders, spiked it. MATT: Sure. Good call. MARISHA: I want to do flurry of blows. MATT: Two more punch attacks or unarmed. MARISHA: 19 and 15 to hit. MATT: Both of those hit. MARISHA: That is an additional six– Sorry, 12 damage. MATT: 12 damage. You rush up off the shoulder after slamming it against the ground. You come up with a punch and an uppercut from underneath. As your fists impact, it’s like punching through heavy, cold cloth. You feel like almost you’re punching nothing as you do. While you’re impacting, you’re not sure how much damage it’s doing. (whoosh) MARISHA: Okay, that’s fair. MATT: That ends your turn, Beau. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I didn’t see any difference in it when I did what I did, ja? MATT: You didn’t seem to notice anything. LIAM: How close could I get to it, if I wanted to walk straight at it? MATT: You could get right up to it. LIAM: Right up to it. Could I get right behind– No, I’ll get right up to it, ja. MATT: All right. You can get right there. LIAM: Yeah, okay. I’m going to cast Burning Hands, veered away so that it does not touch Yasha. It has to make a dexterity saving throw. MATT: It’s a 15 foot cone, correct? LIAM: Ja. MATT: You can, from the edge of where you’d be would be there, you can technically– No, it would not quite hit that, but you can hit the creature. LIAM: Ja, the creature is fine. MATT: It makes its save. That is a seven. LIAM: It’s 3d6, halved. MATT: What’s up? LIAM: Did it make it? MATT: It rolled a seven on its DC, so no. LIAM: Oh, no. It did not make it. It takes 11 points. MATT: 11, okay. Half of that. The fire doesn’t seem to have as much impact. Largely because of its ghostly form, most things it seems to be resistant towards, but it’s still taking damage as you’re doing this. Now it’s being flanked from all of you guys. That ends Caleb’s turn. Jester, Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Pots, people, pots? LAURA: I mean, we should take those out too. TALIESIN: I’m useless on the pots. I’m actually going to try and make a book for the cloaked guy. I’m going to yelling at everyone: Hit the pots! Hit the bloody pots! MATT: (counting) You have to get over here to– TALIESIN: That’s fine. TRAVIS: Who has that sword we pulled off? LIAM: Jester. MATT: First off, the will-o’-wisp makes a strike at you, attack of opportunity. MARISHA: I bet he wants his sword back. MATT: 18. TALIESIN: That hits. MATT: As you rush past, 16 points of lightning damage. TALIESIN: Oh my god, really!? MATT: I rolled double eights on d8s. The will-o’-wisp suddenly, as you try to rush, it actually darts in front of you. You run towards it, and it actually passes through your entire torso. As it does, shocking your lungs and heart, and for a second your heart doesn’t beat. Then kicks back in. Your whole body feels cold, but you keep running. You push past Caleb and get right up next to the creature. TRAVIS: Need a defib. TALIESIN: Yeah. Pots, people. I’m going to take two strikes with the radiant swords. That’s a 15 to hit. MATT: 15 hits. TALIESIN: An eight to hit. MATT: Eight does not hit, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Okay, that’s all right. MATT: The pain is too strong on one strike and you go wide, but you turn around and all of a sudden there’s a moment of clarity. As the pain clicks in, you clench your jaw and swing back, striking true. TALIESIN: Does it do extra radiant damage? I mean, because I do an extra bonus radiant damage, if it takes it. MATT: You do the extra three anyway, because it’s undead. TALIESIN: Oh, so yeah. That’s (counting) 11 points of radiant damage. MATT: How much is the sword? How much is the radiant? TALIESIN: Six is radiant, and the rest is the sword. MATT: Five, all right, cool. It takes less damage from the swords, but the radiant does go through. It’s looking pretty beat up at this point now. Between the different attacks you’ve done it’s starting to freak out now. It’s trying to figure out how best to deal with its situation. That ends your turn, Molly; Jester, what are you doing? LAURA: I’m going to pull out my symbol of the Traveler, and I’m going to say: Okay, I hope you’re with me right now, because I really need your help! I’m going to try to Turn Undead. MATT: From where you’re standing? LAURA: No, I’m going to jump up behind Frumpkin. MATT: You dart over this direction. What’s the radius on that, 30 feet? LAURA: 30 feet. MATT: That’ll catch all three of those and the guy. Was it wisdom saves against your spell DC? LAURA: Wisdom save, yes. TRAVIS: I don’t really like my position right now. MATT: No, you’re in a bad place. LAURA: It has to make a wisdom saving throw, yes. MATT: Far end will-o’-wisp right there, that would be a six. No. That one, nope. That one over there is going to attempt as well. That’s a nine. No, so that one is also turned. The one over there is fleeing. That is going to be a 16. That does succeed? LAURA: 16 succeeds. MATT: The main guy, natural 20. These two wisps now are slightly– you rush up, and you pray for a second and hope. You know this inspiration hits you. As you clasp the symbol, suddenly the strange little archway on the top of the symbol begins to glow. There’s this large burst of deep blue energy that radiates outward. As it strikes, it washes over the main creature with no effect. As it hits the two other side will-o’-wisps, both of them shiver and begin to shift away. Looking like they’re actually running in fear, as fast as they can from Jester, in the center. That’s your action. LAURA: That’s my action, and for my bonus action, I’m going to cast Sanctuary on– who’s the lowest? SAM: (whispering) You. LAURA: On myself. (laughter) TRAVIS: Aw, that was so considerate. MATT: Not too bad. TRAVIS: Who’s the lowest? Blood coming out of her mouth. SAM: (as Jester) I’m trying to be a good healer, but me. MATT: Fair enough. You have Sanctuary on you right now. Jester, that ends your turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Yeah, well this is a bitch, ain’t it. I’m going to try Eldritch Blast again at the pot, through the cage. At disadvantage, because I got to take one of those out of the picture somehow. Oh, I think that might work, 14. MATT: 14 hits, go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Outstanding. That is a big plus for me. Ten plus four, 14! MATT: With that, that one pot shatters. The ash explodes in a small cloud, pushing on the side of the wall behind the cage. That one wisp next to you flitters out of existence. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I move my Hex onto el shadow figure? MATT: You can. TRAVIS: Disadvantage on wisdom saving throws. MATT: Oh, wisdom ability checks, not saving throws. TRAVIS: Wisdom ability checks, thank you. MATT: Disadvantage on wisdom ability checks. That ends your turn Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah, sure. MATT: Nott, you’re up. SAM: There’s four pots? Now there’s three. Can I see any of them from where– MATT: You can. Inside the cage you can see one there, and you assume there’s one in there because you saw Molly going towards it. SAM: I will shoot one of the pots with my hand crossbow. MATT: Which you can do without disadvantage, because of your feat. SAM: Yeah, a lot, 22. MATT: Well you still have disadvantage to try and fire at it, because it’s in the cage. Sorry, I just realized. It’s in the cage. TALIESIN: Doesn’t he have crossbow advantage? MATT: That’s for melee stuff. This is it being covered, and you’re aiming through these tiny holes as you’re firing at it. SAM: It has half-cover or something? MATT: Well essentially. Yeah, I’d say at this close it has three-quarters cover. It’s a plus five to its AC. What did you roll? SAM: The first roll was 22. MATT: Yeah, it hits. We’ll say it hits, because you’re right up against it with a crossbow. You’re not having to aim in with it. You’re (bolt flying). Roll the damage. SAM: Six points of damage. MATT: Six is enough. The pots aren’t very strong; it’s just hard to touch (shattering). That will-o’-wisp manages to discorporate next to you. SAM: Eight is Enough. I’ll skitter around towards the candelabra over there, and as I go I’ll (cocks crossbow) and fire another shot at the other pot. MATT: Okay, that one you do have disadvantage on as you’re farther away from it. SAM: 19. MATT: 19 still hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: Sharpshooter! SAM: That one’s seven points of damage. MATT: That pot shatters. SAM: No look. (laughter) TALIESIN: You’re going to be all right, Fjord? TRAVIS: It’s cool. There’s actually one wisp actually next to somebody. Thank you. SAM: Oh. Whoops! LAURA: It was also the only wisp that wasn’t affected by the Turn Undead. Where did that confetti come from? MATT: That was left over from your welcome party. LAURA: Oh, I missed your welcome party. MATT: Yasha, it’s your turn. ASHLEY: Okay! I’m going to attack him again. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Carve this turkey. ASHLEY: Yes! 19. MATT: That hits; roll damage. LAURA: Are you going to do your thing? ASHLEY: All the stuffs? LAURA: All the stuff. SAM: Rage! Reckless! Endangerment! Diviney! LAURA: That’s a good name for it. ASHLEY: 14. MATT: 14. As you swing past with the sword and arc upward, you cut through and its cloak cannot hold back together. There’s now this giant opening where this vacuous, cold heartbeat glows, visible from the inside, and its body is flickering, having a hard time keeping itself together on this side of reality. Does this end your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yeah. The little interior bit, what is it again? MATT: You see this dull, blue glow that’s now visible from where you struck through it. It looks like it’s falling apart. LAURA: (shouting) Steal his heart! Take his heart! MATT: Yasha, that ends your turn? ASHLEY: Can I punch it? MATT: Unfortunately, no. You’ve already used your action. That’s what a monk does. Just a little flick– ASHLEY: All done. MATT: That ends Yasha’s turn. Now the one wisp that’s by you is going to shift through the wall onto this side and is going to make a strike at you, Fjord. That is a 16 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: That is 12 points of lightning damage to you. TRAVIS: Whoa, that was a big one. Shit, okay. MATT: As it shocks through you, and you fall to one knee for a moment. It’s going to shift into that pillar and vanish. You do get an attack of opportunity on it as it leaves your range. TRAVIS: Disadvantage, or regular? MATT: Regular. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: 14 does not hit. You go to strike, and unfortunately it just makes it into the pillar and you hit stone and sparks off of it. It does take one point of force damage from spending its turn inside the wall. Now it is the entity’s turn. It is going to attempt– we’ll see if its Howling Babble returns. It gets its Howling Babble back. TALIESIN: We’re all right here. MATT: Oh, man, I forgot that. I need all of you to roll a wisdom saving throw, please. TRAVIS: Does that affect his wisdom ability checks? The Hex? MATT: Nope. LIAM: Natural 20! MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. TRAVIS: 18. MARISHA: Ow, five. SAM: 11. Is his regeneration an ability check? MATT: No, there’s no check for it. Beau, Nott– LAURA: Wait, don’t you have to make a wisdom saving throw against my Sanctuary? Because you did a harmful spell against me, right? MATT: Let me look at the– SAM: “Any creature who targets the warded creature with an attack must first make a wisdom saving throw. MATT: It’s not technically targeting the creature, you’re just in the radius of what’s happening. SAM: “The spell doesn’t protect the warded creature from area effects.” MATT: Unfortunately. What’d you roll? LAURA: I didn’t roll anything yet. MATT: Well, now you get to roll. LAURA: Ten. MATT: No. TALIESIN: 18. ASHLEY: I rolled a four. MATT: No. ASHLEY: I was trying to see it as a positive thing. MATT: First off, all of you guys who failed your saving throw: Beau, Yasha, Jester, and Nott, you all suffer 14 points of psychic damage and you are stunned until the end of your next turn. TRAVIS: That thing is a bitch. MATT: Jester’s unconscious. TRAVIS: I’ve got one more with your name on it, sweet cheeks. ASHLEY: Three hit points, guys. I’ve got three hit points. MATT: It’s going to attempt to slip into the floor. TALIESIN: I get an attack of opportunity? MATT: You and Caleb both get an attack of opportunity, physically. ASHLEY: Do I? MATT: You’re stunned. ASHLEY: Fuck! MATT: As it begins to shift into the ground. TALIESIN: That hits; that’s 20. That’s five points of normal damage and five points of radiant damage. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) TALIESIN: I want to swing and pin the heart to the ground and leave the blade there. MATT: As it tries to shift downward, Molly, pulling back from the screams and strange howling babble emanating from its body, you swing wide, spinning the blade in the air, and jam down on top of its form. As you do, it disperses, like an explosion of wind from the center. You watch the cloth of its body suddenly scatter, like someone had blown a heavy wind into a stack of loose cloth that all eventually turns into ash and vanishes. There, you see a dull blue glow where the sword is grinding against the stone, before that eventually dissipates into nothingness. MARISHA: Yeah, ghostslayer! TALIESIN: Last pot! ASHLEY: Good job, Molly. MATT: Beau, your stun wears off. MARISHA: That guy knew way too much about everything. MATT: Caleb. LIAM: Can I see that last pot from where I am? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Okay, that is a 13. MATT: 13? Glancing about in the area, with torchlight from Yasha, you can see one visible pot that has not been shattered in that cage. LIAM: Okay, I will send a little Firebolt off and try to strike it. It’s at disadvantage, correct? Okay, that’s very bad. Also very bad. That’s a ten. MATT: A ten just barely misses. You attempt to strike through, and it smashes against the wrought iron gate on the outside and disperses against it. LIAM: Ja, I will walk toward it to get closer, as much as I can. MATT: You can get right up to it if you want to. LIAM: I should have done that first, ja? MATT: That brings us to Jester and Molly. LAURA: I’m unconscious. TALIESIN: I’m going to run over to you and put a healing– LAURA: Don’t waste a healing potion on me! SAM: What else are we going to do? We can’t heal! MATT: You can’t say anything. You’re unconscious. TRAVIS: You hush your mouth. LAURA: I have healing packs in my bag! TALIESIN: I don’t care. I don’t know any of that. That’s a healing potion. LAURA: I have doughnuts. TALIESIN: I’m going to go looking for one in one second. Potion of healing, just a standard 2d4+2. So take six points of heal, you’re stabilized. LAURA: (gasping) Molly! TALIESIN: Back up, come on! LAURA: This is a bad day, you guys. Today is really hard. MATT: Jester’s now conscious. TALIESIN: I also, definitely lost my two swords now, so those are off. MARISHA: Lost them? TALIESIN: The swords are not glowing anymore. MATT: You stopped their effect? TALIESIN: I had to feed a healing potion. I had two going, so I needed hands. MATT: That brings us to Jester’s turn, as you come to consciousness, since you guys are on the same initiative. TALIESIN: You can do something, if you like. Pot! Pot! LAURA: I guess I’ll walk over and try to take out the pot. MATT: That’s half your movement to get up, and then five, ten, 15, that’s as far as you get. LAURA: Can I try to throw something at it? MATT: What do you have to throw? LAURA: Yeah, I don’t think I have anything that will fit through that little hole– I could try picking up a rock on the ground and throwing it at it. MATT: You can make an investigation check to try and find a rock on the ground. LAURA: I probably don’t see one. If I did, it would take a whole lot of time! MATT: Well, you took your action searching the ground. LAURA: Three! MATT: You do not find a rock. You spend the better part of six seconds going, “Wait! Ah, no it’s a piece of black cloth, shit!” No actual stone, unfortunately. Sorry, Jester. LAURA: No, it’s fine. MATT: Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’ll spin around and try and Eldritch Blast that last pot in the other cage. At disadvantage. That’s a 19! MATT: That hits! Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: I just woke up, you guys! TRAVIS: That’s 11 points of damage! MATT: 11 points of damage, nice! With that, that pot shatters, and you see this flicker in the stone column behind as the energy of the wisp flares out from the side. TRAVIS: Got him. LAURA: Good job. MATT: Nott, Yasha, you guys doing anything? ASHLEY: I’m still stunned? MATT: No, actually your stun has worn off. Nott, you doing anything? Oh! You’re stunned as well. Your stun now wears off. As you guys finish shaking off the energy, this cold energy begins to emerge from the far wall, through the bookcase. LAURA: Oh no! He’s back? Okay, we run away. MATT: The same entity comes through the bookcase, like it’s emerging from something behind. LAURA: Grab his heart and run. From the ground. TALIESIN: There was no heart on the ground MATT: As you struck it, the energy dispersed. LAURA: Let’s run away. ASHLEY: What if we have to get it with the sword? LAURA: It’s a two-handed weapon. I can’t do it. MARISHA: Yasha can, though. TRAVIS: Why? You’re strong! You can do it. LAURA: I can’t use two-handed weapons. MATT: As you guys watch it push out of the wall, (gasping sound) making its way there. MARISHA: Wait! Maybe if we show it the sword, he’ll chill out. MATT: Caleb, make an intelligence check. You make a religion check with advantage, because you have undead. LIAM: Just a straight intelligence? MATT: Straight intelligence modifier. LIAM: 15. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: After reading through the notes and going through the book, you recall that a lot of the magic in here entails binding the soul to the remains of the physical form, as you’ve seen with all of the wisps. It is a similar return of the entity you just fought. LAURA: Oh, his body’s somewhere! MARISHA: Where’s that corkscrew thing? MATT: On its turn, it’s going to attempt– first, let’s see if it gets its Howling Babble back. It does not; it’s a one. So it’s going to try Whispers of Madness again. I need only Yasha and Beau, actually. Everyone else is spread out. Yasha and Beau, I need you both to make a wisdom saving throw as the whispers now begin to emanate from its mouth. TALIESIN: It’s coming from the bookcase. MARISHA: That’s better, 16? MATT: You watched it emerge through the bookcase. 16? Okay, Yasha? ASHLEY: Seven. MATT: Seven, so Beau– MARISHA: Wait, we have the book that we found in the research center. MATT: Beau, you resist the whispers and close your eyes, and as you come up to try to make this point, next thing you see is Yasha looking at you and (swoosh) down with your sword. Make an attack against Beau. ASHLEY: Oh, shit. TALIESIN: Do I see this? MATT: You do. TALIESIN: I’m going to quickly cast before this goes– I don’t know. MATT: Well, no, you got it. TALIESIN: I’m going to cast one level– MATT: Your vision, as this happens, all of a sudden goes black. You watch as this dark blood pools at the corners of Yasha’s face, as you go blind from his blood maledict. So roll with disadvantage on the attack. ASHLEY: Yeah! Disadvantage would mean it was–? MATT: Lowest one. ASHLEY: The lowest number, okay. I didn’t know if it– okay, three. Oh, sorry, five. Six! MATT: You see it just in time and bat it out of the way. It hits the stone next to you. You do suffer 11 points of psychic damage, however. ASHLEY: Okay, I’m unconscious? MATT: You watch as she swings at you, and the impact, as you parry it, Yasha goes down with the blade swing, onto the ground. SAM: Did you just kill her? TALIESIN: Nope. ASHLEY: I do have, hold on– I thought I had something. MATT: There’s an ability you get at later levels that does something in this scenario. ASHLEY: It’s not now? MATT: Don’t think you have something for that right now. I could be wrong. ASHLEY: I’m unconscious. MATT: I’ll double check just to be safe. LIAM: The book said the soul is bound to the flesh be it in any form, ice or ash, but the ash in the pots was the will-o’-wisp. MARISHA: It says, “From ashes I shall rise again.” LAURA: Maybe there’s something behind the bookcase? SAM: Let’s go look! MATT: That ends the creature’s turn. As that happens, it’s going to lift up and vanish into the ceiling. You watch it disappear out of place. It does take force damage for being in the wall. That’s actually a good roll, six force damage to it. You have the divine energy, path zealot, and your soul is marked for battle– the only ability you have now is the warrior of the gods. You don’t have the other one yet. ASHLEY: Right, okay. MATT: That finishes its turn. Beau, you’re up. You watch Yasha slam on the ground, unconscious next to you, the blade clattering to the ground and coming to rest. The creature lifts up (wheezing) and vanishes into the stone above you. MARISHA: I can’t get a reaction from it, as it goes? MATT: It was not close enough to you, unfortunately. MARISHA: Fuck. I’m going to run over to this bookcase and put my staff behind it to see if I can knock it over. MATT: You get the staff on the fulcrum. Go ahead and make an athletics check to force it. TRAVIS: Come on! (singing) Get it, girl. Get it, get it, girl. MARISHA: Fuck! That keeps happening! Six. MATT: You try and (grunt) and it’s starting to rock, but it’s heavy. You start pushing. You can’t quite get the bookcase to come over, unfortunately. That ends your turn? MARISHA: I guess so. MATT: That brings us to Caleb. LIAM: I am going to start moving towards the middle, towards Yasha. I don’t have any healer’s kit or anything. I don’t know how to do anything like that. ASHLEY: It’s okay. Get the bookcase. SAM: You’re going to die! LIAM: I’m going to hold my attack, a Fire Bolt. Can I do that? I am a wizard for the first time. Can I hold a Fire Bolt? MATT: You can hold it as an action. You’re casting the spell. Then whenever something triggers it, you release it. LIAM: Yeah, when it appears. LAURA: It’s immune to fire. LIAM: We don’t know that. MATT: It seemed to take damage, though lesser, when you hit it. LIAM: Resistant to fire. There’s nothing else I can do from where I am. LAURA: Can you catch fire to the bookcase? LIAM: I don’t want to burn the room around us. MATT: Jester, Molly? LAURA: Should I try to heal Yasha, or move the bookcase? I’m the strong one. TALIESIN: Move the bookcase. LIAM: If I set it on fire, someone will still have to pull it anyway. It’s not like it’s going to disintegrate. LAURA: I can use my last spell. I have a 2nd-level spell. I’m going to, bonus action, use Healing Word at 2nd-level on Yasha to bring her back, and then I’m going to run over and try to crash the bookcase down. MATT: You go ahead and expend your bonus action. Roll for that. 2d4 plus your Wisdom modifier. LAURA: Six plus four. Ten! MATT: You heal ten hit points. Yasha, you come to consciousness on the ground. Your weapon is about two feet from your grasp. The first thing you do, your eyes shoot open and then shoot to your weapon. Natural instinct to defend yourself. It’s easily within your grasp. You just have to get up to grab it. LAURA: Can I get all the way over to the bookcase? MATT: (counting) 30. You get right to the bookcase. LAURA: I try to yank it over. MATT: Make an athletics check. MARISHA: Can I give her some assistance? MATT: That would be your action to do so; you’ve already tried. The DC is going down as you both are working on it. LAURA: 16. MATT: As you grab and reach around the side with Beau, you pull on the bookcase. (creaking) You step back quickly as it slams onto the ground. LAURA: Is there anything behind it? MATT: Right behind it there’s a small pocket where the stone seems to have crumbled a bit. It looks like a dark space on the inside. SAM: How small? MATT: It’s about that wide on the wall. SAM: What’s in there? LAURA: I bet its remains are in there! Kill it! MATT: All right, does that end your turn, Jester? LAURA: I don’t think I can do anything else. MATT: That’s all you’ve got. Molly? TALIESIN: I’m going to run over to it and start taking slices at it. I’m going to stab it with my sword. MATT: You have darkvision, so as both you and Jester glance inside, you can see there is a small five foot by five foot chamber inside, where there are a number of pots and small cases. It was a small burial chamber of some kind. There in the center, you see this large urn, about a foot and a half wide, squat, a dull gray color. You have no color depth in this darkness, unfortunately, with your darkvision, but it’s this very squat, well-made vase or urn of some kind. TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. Two shots. MATT: You’re having to put your arm through and swing towards it, so disadvantage on each strike. TALIESIN: All right. First one is 13 to hit. MATT: 13 just barely hits, but it’s a hardy urn. We’ll see how much damage you deal. TALIESIN: That’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. You make impact, and you see a part of it crack from the blow, but it’s not enough to shatter it. TALIESIN: I’m taking another swing. MATT: As you pull it out and jam the other arm in to go for a straight strike with your scimitar. TALIESIN: That’s 17 to hit. MATT: 17 hits. Roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s five points of damage. MATT: As you reach through, you feel the urn break beneath the blow. There’s this moment of silence as you hear this (low gasp) dully filter out. The entity slowly shifts from the ceiling as you watch it disintegrate. Not vanishing like it did before, but slowly dissipating. Its form suddenly goes from extremely menacing to almost sad, as you watch it turn to nothingness. LIAM: Poofs out into a doughnut as a Fire Bolt goes (fwoosh)! (laughter) MARISHA: Smoke grenade! That’s awesome! LIAM: I got it! MARISHA: Mushroom cloud, that was great. TRAVIS: Like Rick Moranis in Ghostbusters 2. TALIESIN: Is there any way to get in there? MATT: It looks like it’s holed up. The small hole looks like somebody tried to push through, or previously emerged and bricked what they could. You can’t fit through the hole, unfortunately. TALIESIN: I’m going to start trying to open it up. I want to go in there, look for things, and break every damn– LAURA: Wait! We should heal, you guys. Should we take a short rest and heal up a little bit? TRAVIS: We should take a short rest. A breather, yeah. ASHLEY: Jester, thank you for healing me. I feel like I did not deserve that, but thank you very much. LAURA: Oh! You’re welcome. You deserved it so much! You did so good! SAM: Oh boy, I’ve already used most of my hit dice. That’s crazy. MATT: You guys take a short rest of about an hour or so, as you sit down and recover your breath, take a moment to center yourself, tend to your wounds. SAM: After we’ve rested for a while, can I walk over to the little hole and peek in? I can’t fit through that little hole, can I? MATT: You’re pretty tiny. Make an acrobatics check. This is one of the benefits of being something so small. SAM: All right. Ten. MATT: Ten? You just manage to pull through. It wasn’t a hard– SAM: I’ll take off my stuff, give it to Caleb for safekeeping, and do you have any butter or anything? LAURA: Let’s see. Let me look in my possessions. I don’t think I have any butter. SAM: I don’t want to get wet. MARISHA: I’ve got a little bit of oil. SAM: Oh yeah! Oil! I’ll take some oil! TALIESIN: I use all my hit dice when I heal, because of Tough, right? There was something I got. SAM: Matt, I’m asking Beau to slather me in oil. MATT: Grease the goblin action is what you’re taking. SAM: Get it in there! Work it in! Mm-hmm! MATT: No, not for Tough, it gives you additional hit points. There’s another feat that does that. TALIESIN: I feel like I got that, though. MATT: You got Tough for the additional hit points. TALIESIN: Was there something else that does that? MATT: Durable is the one feat that gives you +1 Constitution when you roll hit dice. TALIESIN: I feel like there was a thing. I’ll have to keep reading. MARISHA: I’ll give you a little bit of a therapeutic temple rub while I’m at it. SAM: I’m going to Slip N’ Slide my way into the hole. MATT: You take a moment back, and run and dive in! The greased goblin squeezes through the small gap. It scrapes your shoulders and hurts a bit. You tumble in, which is great, because you land in the remains of the ash. You are covered in grease, which all sticks to you. (screaming) TRAVIS: The worst! It’s the worst! MATT: You got ashed and feathered? Tarred and– What do you call it? Oiled and ashed! SAM: It’s cool guys. It’s fun. TRAVIS: Suddenly I’m scared of falling on the beach. LIAM: I send in two globules after her to see the antiqued goblin. MATT: It’s a small chamber. It’s five foot by five foot. Anyone else is going to be pretty down in there, but you fit in fairly comfortably. There’s the shattered urn and a few small pieces of pottery with intricate gold scrolling. They’re probably very nice pieces of art or decor. SAM: I’m going to check for traps. MATT: Go ahead and make an investigation check. SAM: One. TRAVIS: Natural? SAM: Uh-huh! MARISHA: What is that? 600? 700? ASHLEY: Six. MARISHA: Are you counting, Ash? ASHLEY: I am, but I might have lost count. LIAM: It takes the edge off. ASHLEY: Yeah, it does. MARISHA: I’ve never seen so many people happy for a natural one. MATT: As best you can tell, the room seems safe. SAM: All right. You said there’s a few urns that are fancier than the others? MATT: There are two large ones, nowhere near as big as the central urn that’s been shattered, but there’s two in the corner and a few small boxes off to the side. SAM: What’s in the urns? MATT: You glance over the inside, and they are empty. They look to be pieces of art that may have meant something to the person who previously– SAM: Will they fit through the hole? MATT: You may have to dig the hole open a little bit. ASHLEY: I can dig it open a little bit. TRAVIS: Yeah, you can. ASHLEY and TRAVIS: (slamming) MATT: Given a little time, Yasha begins to peel the stones from the wall around it. SAM: Those boxes, can I check in those? MATT: Yeah, which one? There’s one on each side. SAM: I’ll take the right one. MATT: Okay, so you take the right one. You lift the lid, and as you do, you pull it open and powder emerges into your face. Make a constitution saving throw. SAM: Constitution save? That would be a four. MATT: Four? Okay! You take nine points of poison damage, and you’re poisoned for the next hour. SAM: Oh god! MATT: This cloud enters your lungs and you begin coughing. It burns the inside of your throat. LIAM: Hey Nott, how’s it going in there? SAM: Great! It’s fine! I’m going to cast Mage Hand and open the other one. MATT: There we go. (laughter) LIAM: It’s a five feet by five? MATT: It’s five by five. LIAM: You’re in a tiny– Why don’t you bring that thing out of there? SAM: No! I’ve got this! I’m fine! I’ll find the treasure! There’s nothing else in there? MATT: No, there’s nothing else. You look down into the box. There are sets of gold and silver rings and jewelry. It looks like whatever jewelry once may have been dressed upon the individual who was interred in that urn that was scattered. This is where their jewelry was placed. SAM: I’m going to take all of those things. MARISHA: Bring the art out, too. SAM: Sure, as soon as the hole gets bigger. I’ll open the other box with my Mage-y Hand-y! MATT: Okay. That box opens up, and there’s another splash of that same poisonous powder, but you’re off to the side. It only gets anyone who’s immediately in front of the box. SAM: I did it, guys! LIAM: I feel like Nott’s head comes out of the hole, going (rapid gasping) for fresh air. SAM: What’s in that box? MATT: That box contains a folded raiment of some kind, like a ceremonial mantle made of dark black and gray cloth with red embroidered designs on it. SAM: Do I recognize any symbols or anything? MATT: Make an arcana check. SAM: Natural one. TRAVIS: Yay! That’s seven! MATT: You are knocking it out of the park for charity! MARISHA: They’re like, “We didn’t anticipate this.” SAM: Everyone, I found a piece of clothing, an article of (hacking cough) clothing! Here, I’ll pass it out to you. LAURA: Is it pretty? SAM: It’s very pretty. Some art pieces. Some objets d'art! MARISHA: Rich people love fancy art. LAURA: Can I look at the art? Do I know the artists? MATT: From the giant boxes, you mean? LAURA: I don’t know what’s going on. MATT: The art are two large, well-made vases, that you eventually pull through the space here. LAURA: Well, that’s not as cool. MATT: You don’t recognize it. These were made a long time ago. LAURA: Ooh, they’re antique. ASHLEY: Could be worth a pretty penny. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: What about that cloak? LAURA: I put them in the bag. How about that? MATT: Okay. You have the folded mantle. TALIESIN: What does the mantle look like? MATT: The mantle is a dark black, a front chest mantle area, with gray stripes coming along the sides and this red embroidered design that emerges from around the neck, all across the front and back of the mantle. TALIESIN: Does it look familiar? MATT: No. TALIESIN: I was hoping. TRAVIS: Can I come up and see if it has any magic feel to it? MATT: I mean, you can make an arcana check to see if you recognize any elements of it. LIAM: I am stowing away the journal in there. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: You get a closer look, and you can see parts of the edges are burned. The very bottom parts of it seem to have been committed to some sort of flame. The edges of it are singed a bit. The black collar causes it to be lost at a distant view, but close up, you can see where it’s been damaged. There’s a fold at the front of it, a small pocket right there. TRAVIS: Weird. Looks like it’s been burned a bit. It’s got a little compartment in the front. LIAM: Like a kangaroo pouch? TRAVIS: I don’t know. MATT: Kind of, it’s on the side. Because a mantle would go down to about there for someone wearing it. you put your hand in there, and it’s a heavy material. TRAVIS: You want to try it on? LIAM: I would prefer to inspect it. Are we going to stay here for a little while? MARISHA: While all of this is going on, Beau wants to be going through some of these books that were on the shelf that we knocked over. MATT: The shelf is mostly empty. TRAVIS: There was that one book on the desk. LIAM: We could sit down on the floor together and have a look. TALIESIN: What else did you get out of there? MATT: You have the urns in the cages. You have the tables over there. You have the two braziers filled with ash on the sides. You have the broken cages back there. Everything that you see there is what’s in the chamber. MARISHA: I’m going to do a tour of the urns and see if there’s anything, jewelry or something, hidden in there. MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: Also, what I would recommend, if we feel comfortable sitting down for a moment, is to put all of our findings in the middle of the room, and I can ritually see which of these things are magic. Most of these things, we suspect, but maybe there are some other things. Then I can tell what exactly they are. I need some time. TALIESIN: That is a good idea. LIAM: Also, before Nott even got out, I’m stowing the journal away for a closer read. MATT: Okay. Totally fine. MARISHA: 21. MATT: 21, okay! You go through from cage to cage. The urns are scattered ash. Nothing catches your eye from those two. The nooses you pull through and tug on, and the rope rots and breaks in your grasp. You go past the brazier on that side with the ashes, and you poke around with your staff, and something catches your staff underneath the ash. You prod in there, and as you push it aside, there’s an object in the ash that is partially burned. As you pull it free and dust it off, it’s another book. A large portion of the back of it is burned off, and most of the pages are destroyed on the back end, but a good half of the book is mostly still intact. Like when it got thrown in there to be destroyed, the flame wasn’t quite strong enough to consume the entire book. MARISHA: Can I do a little flip through of it? MATT: Yeah. As you go through, it’s filled with strange script and scrolling. Make an arcana check. MARISHA: Can I use a ki point to get advantage? MATT: You can. MARISHA: I’ll mark that down really quick. I’ll take that 11 over that two. 13? MATT: 13. You don’t understand the nature of any of this, but it seems magical in nature. The script and elements of design remind you of the things you saw on the ceiling in the previous room. Though not exact, there are similarities to the way the script is drawn. TRAVIS: This is one of the ones in the cages, right? MATT: It was in the brazier, right there in the center. MARISHA: They tried to burn it. TRAVIS: Hey Yasha, you feel like knocking the shit out of some of those cages, opening them up? ASHLEY: I walk over and just start hitting. MATT: You start bashing and shaking it. You bend and eventually tear through some of the cage and glance through. You guys, together, begin to inspect the other cages, and honestly, in there, what you find is ash. Most everything in this chamber has been destroyed. Intentionally, it seems. Either by the previous denizen, who lived here, that you destroyed, or somebody else that had been here in here before. The only things that you find are what was in that burial chamber in the back, and that mostly burned tome in your hand. MARISHA: I walk over to Caleb. Hey Caleb. Found this. LIAM: Oh. Would you like to add it to the pile? MARISHA: Sure. I think it’s got stuff for you in it. LIAM: I’m not really into smut. That’s a bit of a ruse. MARISHA: That’s unfortunate, actually. LIAM: I mean, more than normal. MARISHA: Sure. LIAM: Within reason. TRAVIS: Can I walk to the entrance to the tunnel, just to keep an eye out, while he does his thing? MATT: Sure. Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Everything’s in the pile? Including the stuff in the second chest? TRAVIS: 13. SAM: What stuff in the second chest? Huh? What? Who? Huh? TALIESIN: The stuff in the second chest. LIAM: Well, she was in a dark hole. TALIESIN: I heard two traps go off. SAM: Of course, I was just about to get it out here. It’s for the whole group. We’re a team now. Right? TRAVIS: That’s very considerate of you, Nott. TALIESIN: Anything you take on your own time is yours. We’re on the clock. SAM: Of course! I would never try to steal from the group. I just– LAURA: What is it? SAM: It’s a bunch of gold and jewels. LIAM: Hey, you know, this is going to take a while, so why don’t we put it all down, and I will get to work, okay? SAM: I’m poisoned. (laughter) LIAM: How much you care to drink is on you. LAURA: I’ve got an herbalism kit. MATT: There’s like a purple froth at the corner of her mouth. It’s spitting out– LIAM: She’s antiqued too. She’s covered in ash. MARISHA: Covered in oil and ash. LAURA: Can I use my herbalism kit to get rid of the poison? MATT: Go ahead and make a medicine check. LIAM: (spitting) Pah. Pah! TALIESIN: We’re not stealthy, doing this. LAURA: That’s 21. MATT: Okay. I’ll say yes. You reduce the duration of the poison from an hour to about ten minutes. In the time it takes for guys to finish up, most of the poison eventually begins to wear off. You still look at bit worse for wear. TALIESIN: Greener than normal. SAM: How much money did we get? MATT: No coins. It’s just jewelry. LAURA: Are there any rings? MATT: Yeah. There’s probably a good 12 or so rings in there. LAURA: Caleb! You should see if the rings are magic. LIAM: I am well on my way. I hope I have been doing this for a while. So step one is Detect Magic on the pile to see what’s what. MATT: Detect Magic on the pile. LAURA: It also includes the sword and the vases. MATT: Correct. The only magical essence you get from that pile is the large sword that was taken off the wall. It’s not a magical aura from the book you just pulled from there, but even your quick glance at the way that it’s bound, and the construct of it, is familiar to you. LIAM: Does it also help that I’m also within the– Oh, no, we took a short rest, which is an hour– Okay. Good. The sword is the one thing? MATT: The sword is the one thing that’s giving off a magical aura. LIAM: Okay. Can I pick up this new book and leaf through it, and try to see– MATT: It is a partially damaged, but in some ways intact, spell book. LAURA: Can I try doing the Mending cantrip on it? Would that help? LIAM: Would you be ever so kind? I would be very grateful. LAURA: (singing) Le le le le le! MATT: Holding your symbol and concentrating on it, and whispering beneath your breath with a big smile, the pages begin to shift out and form into a full book. The half section that’s burned is restored to its previous. (exclamations of surprise) MATT: However, the script isn’t there. It doesn’t restore any of the writing on the inside of the book, unfortunately. LAURA: That’s still cool. MATT: Where you get to the pages where it was burned, the ink ends at that edge. LIAM: I put my hand on top of yours. Thank you very much. MARISHA: You’ve got like, a section to take notes now. LAURA: Hey, that’s good! TALIESIN: Or fill in the blanks. LIAM: I begin the process of casting Identify on the sword. Oh, and the mantle. What about the mantle? Was that in the pile? MATT: The mantle is not magical. It looks like it was an ornamental– SAM: Burial shroud? MATT: More like a ceremonial shroud. On the inside of the pocket, there is a lot of dried blood on the inside of it. It looks like something was kept in there that, at one point, was very viscous and covered in crimson. MARISHA: Necromancers. LIAM: The original goth. MATT: Of the book that you find; these are the remnants of the interior of it, and this is the sword identified for you. LIAM: Okay, this sword, because I know you’re all dying to know, is very old. It is a greatsword. Would I know the name of it by casting this? MATT: As part of the Identify spell you would know what it’s called. LIAM: This sword is called The Magician’s Judge. LAURA: Whoa. LIAM: Excuse me. (heavy accent) The Magicians Chudge. SAM: That’s his Zemnian accent. LAURA: What else does it– LIAM: Oh no, I’m absorbing, and I will tell you in a moment. I need to make sense of it first. LAURA: It’s a two-handed then because it’s a great– LIAM: It’s a great sword, and what this– TRAVIS: Not a good sword– MARISHA: But a great sword. LIAM: (as Jester) “It’s pretty great.” When someone like Yasha hits a baddie with this, you can dispel any magical property that is present. Yeah? Or without attacking, you can hold the sword up and do the same. TRAVIS: Oh shit. If they’re casting something, it breaks it? MATT: It’s not a Counterspell. It’s a Dispel Magic. You still have to roll to see if it happens, but essentially you– TRAVIS: If they had, like, a Hold Person up it could dispel it? LAURA: We could use it on not-people as well? Maybe on objects? SAM: Magical traps. MATT: Anything within the realm of Dispel Magic. The spell itself. LIAM: Big woman. This has your name all over it. I think– ASHLEY: Let me try and see if– LIAM: Yeah, you’ll have to pick it up. I can’t even lift this thing. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: (laughter) That’s how you hold a greatsword? ASHLEY: Whoa! MATT: The hilt curves at the tip and comes up at an angle like this. Like a very subtle “V” shape. With the scrolling and runes on the edge. The blade itself is this wide, thick, gradually coming to a point, greatsword, about five feet long from hilt to edge of blade. It’s practically an anime sword. Looking at it, and based on what he discovered of the sword itself, it was used in the Age of Arcanum as an executioner’s blade, to kill mages that were caught by the law and went against the law of the land. It was used, and probably had been used, to execute a number of mages in the past. LAURA: Oh, it’s dark. Is it cursed? Does it feel cursed? ASHLEY: Hello? TRAVIS: (laughter) ASHLEY: I don’t think so. MATT: Caleb, as you’re recalling the information from the Identify sword, you recall the notes that you picked from the book, when you entered the chamber, that spoke of a bounty hunter that had come for Siff. The trophy that was taken. MARISHA: Took his legs, yeah. SAM: With the sword? MARISHA: That’s why he had no feetsies. LAURA: So Siff didn’t have any feet! MARISHA: He actually didn’t have feet. He lost his legs. TALIESIN: He did have feet. They were just somewhere else. MATT: You get the sense the sword that was in the wall was the trophy taken from that bounty hunter. LIAM: Yeah. I assumed that immediately before the thing attacked. Probably Siff’s legs are all over you right now. SAM: Oh. No. Ugh. Gross. LAURA: Do you think taking the sword off the wall was what made Siff be able to come back? LIAM: I don’t know, but it was worth it. LAURA: Hmm. MARISHA: Hmm. I don’t know. LAURA: At least we’re not dead, you guys! MARISHA: Yeah. Yeah! SAM: We have some rings. LAURA: Oh! We can put them on now! They’re not magic. SAM: Well, I know we share everything, but I feel like the ladies of the group would enjoy them more. Maybe we just take them? The ladies of the group? TRAVIS: I don’t mind. TALIESIN: I’m taking a ring. How many are there? MATT: 12 rings. LIAM: Caleb is chewing on his finger and looking through the book. SAM: We all get one. I should get one for finding them. TALIESIN: That’s fair. SAM: I should get one for sharing them. That was a good deed. TALIESIN: That was not a good deed. That is literally baseline of what’s expected. LAURA: I should get an extra one for healing you for poison, so that’s two for me. SAM: Fjord gave up his. I’ll take his share. That’s four for me. LAURA: I get Caleb’s because he’s not saying anything. That’s three for me. SAM: Beau, you’re naturally beautiful, so I’ll take yours– MARISHA: Give me a damn ring. SAM: Damn it. LAURA: How many is that? Seven, eight? TALIESIN: I’m taking an extra one for helping you remember that you’re supposed to share. LAURA: Yasha, that’s two rings left for you. TALIESIN: You can put it in your ear. LAURA: Or in your nose! SAM: Oh, I have a nose ring! I’m going to swap one out! Don’t look! LAURA: There has to be a hole in it for you to be able to do that. SAM: Oh, fuck! I got snot and ash all over it. MATT: Yeah, you are a mess right now. MARISHA: Beau leans over Caleb’s shoulder. What are you reading? LIAM: I’m thinking of all the good things that I can do for our new collective. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s cool. Who’s the publisher? Is that first print? First edition? LIAM: It is the Random Old House. First edition. Let me tell you, this was a good find, everyone! MARISHA: I recognize a few of those symbols. LIAM: Yeah? What do they mean? MARISHA: You know, magic shit. LIAM: You are correct. TRAVIS: He’s redacting his own card! LAURA: What is he writing? SAM: Oh, by the way, sidenote everyone, out of game, Laura has been taking our inventory and keeping it. Lost the page with all of the– LAURA: No! I didn’t lose the page. I lost the whole spiral! SAM: We have no idea what we have as a party anymore. TRAVIS: The idiot goliath kept it for five years. LAURA: Yes, well, things moved for some reason. LIAM: Terrible roleplay. TRAVIS: Are you sure it’s not on the table? LAURA: Does anybody see a little– SAM: You’re looking for it now? LAURA: Yeah, because I need it! MATT: While she’s looking for that, what are you guys doing? TRAVIS: Anything else in the hallway moving? MATT: You don’t see anything else moving, no. MARISHA: The Gentleman just wanted us to kill shit, right? TRAVIS: Yeah, just to clear it out. MARISHA: He wanted us to– Did you find it? MATT: She found it. MARISHA: Did he want us to bring back something? Or just clear it out? SAM: There was something. MATT: He said clear it out– LAURA: Get evidence of something. SAM: Evidence of magic? MATT: Pretty much find out the nature of the place, clear it out, bring back what you find, and he may let you keep some of the spoils. LAURA: He may let us keep some of the spoils? MARISHA: I thought he said he wanted us to bring the expensive good shit, but we can keep whatever else. MATT: Essentially. LIAM: You know, we could give him some of those rings. MARISHA: Maybe some of the art? LIAM: Ja, definitely the art. SAM: The art, yeah. The vases. LAURA: I bet they’re worth a lot of money, though. Rich people love old things. MARISHA: They love old things! If we say it belonged to a dead person, they love it even more. TRAVIS: Plus, if you give them all the rings, they might give us a job with more fancy stuff next time. SAM: Is it just rings, Matt, or were there other things in there? MATT: There were rings, a couple of loose bracelets. It was basically a collection of ornamental jewelry. LIAM: If we skimp, he’s going to think we’re bigger assholes than we actually are. TALIESIN: Let’s keep it all together then, for now. Except for the books. MARISHA: We’ll each take a ring. LAURA: One ring. MARISHA: We’ll each take one ring. LAURA: Mine rules them all, though. TALIESIN: Got to do business. LIAM: You take my ring. SAM: No, you don’t have to– All right. LAURA: I already took his ring, so technically– Here. SAM: You can have Fjord’s ring. Fjord doesn’t want one, right? LIAM: Give her a ring. LAURA: (singing) I have two rings now still. MARISHA: Maybe we can give him that research notebook we found. You keep the spellbook, we give him the research notebook. We already know what was in it. LIAM: I gave it a cursory glance. I skimmed it. SAM: Well, if you read it on the way back, you’ll remember it forever. LIAM: That’s a good point. LAURA: What about the sword? MARISHA: I say we keep the sword. LIAM: No, we keep that sword. This one with that sword? ASHLEY: I like it. You know, we can– I don’t know. LAURA: I mean, he probably can’t even hold a greatsword. TRAVIS: It’s pretty obvious you’re going to have to hide it if we walk back in there. LIAM: We can put it in the Haversack, can’t we? ASHLEY: Do you see it? LAURA: It’s a little big for the Haversack. LIAM: I thought that thing was Mary Poppins’ satchel. It doesn’t go all funny? LAURA: Not quite so much. It’s only eight cubic feet. LIAM: While we talk to The Gentleman, while we navigate that, I could carry the thingy to make room for it. ASHLEY: Do we all have to go inside to talk to him? TRAVIS: No, I don’t think we do. MARISHA: Do we have to go back out through the river to get out of here? TRAVIS: Yeah. We didn’t see any other exits, right? MATT: No, the only way out that you know of is the same way you came in. TRAVIS: Which is weird because it was all caved in. MARISHA: Which means we’re going to have to pass right back through The Gentleman’s place. It’s not like we’re going to be able to lie. TRAVIS: Can you mend the transportation circle? LAURA: I don’t think it works quite like that. It has to be a broken thing. LIAM: Yes, and this sort of thing takes a lot of work from very specialized people. MARISHA: I wonder where it goes. SAM: You could mend the big urn that held the ashes of the lich-y thing. Then we can take that urn back and give it to– LAURA: As long as there were no ashes in it. SAM: They’re all on me. MATT: I will say, unfortunately, the urn that was destroyed that contained Siff’s remains is a bit large for the Mend spell. You can only mend a foot-by-foot space. The urn was a big old thing. LIAM: Clarification: When Caleb did Detect Magic, did the circle in the center of the room glow at all? Or is it– It’s dead. MATT: Nope. You see it’s been scarred intentionally from the inside. Possibly, whatever flurry of intent that Siff had to burn the book, destroy everything, burn everything from the inside also, was to destroy the circle and allow nothing else to come through. You get the sense that the final moments in this chamber were probably very paranoid. MARISHA: What do we remember about the Crawling King? Do you know anything? MATT: That would be a religion check. LIAM: I will make a religion check. TRAVIS: I will make one too, but I’m not going to count it. TALIESIN: Advantage, or no? MATT: For you? No. LIAM: 15 for Caleb. TALIESIN: No. That’s a one. LAURA: Oh, it wasn’t an herbalism kit. I’m stupid. It wasn’t an herbalism kit that could heal the poison. It was medicinal herbs. That’s what I had in my inventory that I remembered. MATT: Oh. You rolled pretty well, same difference. We’ll say it would have lasted a little longer, but you still managed to outlast the poison. There was no threat at that moment. What’d you roll? LIAM: 15. MATT: 15 religion? Anybody else? No? TRAVIS: I rolled it, but– MATT: What did you roll? TRAVIS: A 20. MARISHA: Did you say you rolled a one? TALIESIN: A one. MARISHA: You rolled a one, another one! MATT: There you go. The Crawling King is known as– What you can recall with a 20, strangely, and the information comes to you esoterically. You’re not entirely certain where the inspiration for this knowledge comes from, but you have these images of one of the betrayer gods in history. You’ve heard stories or something that inspires you to remember something inhuman and larva-like: a monstrous, terrible worm crawling through the deepest tunnels of the world. Now locked away, Post-Calamity, with all the rest of the betrayer gods. LIAM: Why do you have such a queer look on your face? TRAVIS: I feel like I remember something about a real larva-looking worm. Huge fucking thing. MATT and TRAVIS: Screaming human face at the front. LIAM: For the Crawling King, you are talking about? LAURA: I definitely start drawing that in my notebook. TRAVIS: Yeah. Locked away after the Calamity, but real nasty. LIAM: Do you have a lot of knowledge for the gods and religions of the world? TRAVIS: Not really, it’s more like I remember from a dream or something. Kind of hard to remember if it happened to me or not. LIAM: The awe-inspiring one with the face is from a dream you had? SAM: Was it the salt-water dream? TRAVIS: No. I don’t think so. Could be. SAM: You need to work on vivid dreams. You can control yourself– Lucid dreaming, yeah. TRAVIS: How do you do that? SAM: I don’t know. I think it’s crystals or something? LAURA: You can keep a dream journal. That’s a good way to do it. SAM: When you wake up, you just write. LAURA: Write it down immediately what you remember. It really helps. LIAM: I would like to do an insight check on Fjord while he tells us that story. Pretty good, 20. MATT: Best you can tell, he’s telling the truth. TRAVIS: As per usual. LIAM: Whack! MARISHA: Well, I think this information about the teleportation-y circle situation could be useful leverage if he wants to try and take that sword off of your back. ASHLEY: I feel like rich people like candlesticks, so I could take the candlesticks with us. TRAVIS: Yeah, what are they made of? Can we tell what kind of metal those candlesticks are made of? LIAM: Well, Nott and I could tell you. MATT: They look like they’re made out of nice metal. They’re not made out platinum or anything, but they’re fine candle lamps. Could be a silver-like material. ASHLEY: They’re antique, you know, for decoration? TRAVIS: Fuck yeah, man. Melt that down. ASHLEY: They’ll probably want those instead of the sword. MATT: Make an intelligence check. MARISHA: I say we keep this teleportation a secret, unless he tries to start bargaining for shit. TRAVIS: Natural one. MATT: Another natural one. You have a hard time telling what kind of metal this is. LAURA: Are we going to tell him about the sword? MARISHA: Not unless he asks. TRAVIS: Pretty sure it’s aluminum. LAURA: Only if he notices the sword. LIAM: You know, I think we give him the things of monetary value. We are thinking long-term for this group, working together. This book and that blade are going to ensure a greater success and cohesion in the future. MARISHA: That’s what we’re saying. LIAM: Then we are as one. LAURA: I can try to fit it in the bag. SAM: What if it rips? I don’t think it’s a good idea. LAURA: If it pierces, it’s bad. LIAM: Can we try to do it but go with the hilt downward? See what happens? SAM: Why don’t we try to camouflage it? We could wrap it in reeds. LAURA: Rub some of the ash on it! ASHLEY: What if I have you on my shoulders? Like a kid? SAM: Sure, yeah, of course. That’s normally how I like to travel. ASHLEY: We put– behind us. LAURA: Like it can be up your butt! SAM: How would that work? In front of me? ASHLEY: It’s connected to– That’s not going to work. SAM: No, I like this. I could drape myself over it. LIAM: What all is in that haversack that you have? LAURA: I have some crossbow bolts, and this crowbar, and the sledgehammer– LIAM: Can we take out everything except for– LAURA: I have this longsword. I have these old vases that we’re going to give him. I have this old dodecahedron, and I open up the lead box. This is really taking up a lot of space. LIAM: Caleb starts looking at the do– LAURA: I start shoving it all back in. TRAVIS: I forgot we got that. MARISHA: How did you forget we got that? SAM: Oh wait, where’s our dynamite? Didn’t we have dynamite? I mean, boom sticks? LAURA: We have boom sticks? SAM: Yeah, don’t we have two boom sticks? MATT: You have two you never used from the fight. SAM: Who has them? MARISHA: I have one, I think? SAM: Don’t we have drugs?! MARISHA: We have mushrooms! LIAM: (shouting) Jester! LAURA: I’m listening! What? LIAM: I know you are, but I am cutting through the noise. Can we not take everything out of that bag except for this new blade and the dodecahedron? Everything else comes out, because the rest is pretty utility, is it not? MARISHA: Well it’s eight cubic square feet. LAURA: It might work, we can try to fit it. LIAM: Yeah, we can tie a rag around the end of the blade to keep it from piercing anything. LAURA: Yeah, does it have a scabbard? MATT: No, it does not. It was ornamentally placed on the wall. LAURA: We should probably get one of those made. SAM: I don’t know about this. LIAM: I pull off the new cloak that I got a handful of days ago. We can wrap this around the blade so it will not pierce. TALIESIN: Tie it up and bundle it. LIAM: Of course that will work. LAURA: It works. It doesn’t get pierced from the inside. It can only be pierced from the outside, right? MARISHA: Yeah, it’s magical! MATT: Are you trying to place the blade inside? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: You place it into there. It gets to the hilt, and it won’t go all the way in. LAURA: It’s too big! MATT: You have too much stuff in it. LAURA: What if I take the sledgehammer out? I’ll take the sledgehammer out. LIAM: The sledgehammer we leave. It’s a sledgehammer. LAURA: Will it fit once I take the sledgehammer out? LIAM: Everything but the dodecahedron. MATT: The unfortunate thing is, it’s a very long blade in comparison to other points. The space itself is somewhat amorphous, but you consider it still a central space. LIAM: What if roll the sword up like a Fruit Roll-up? LAURA: I don’t think the sword is going to fucking fit. Here. MARISHA: I still like Yasha’s idea. SAM: Let’s try Yasha’s idea. MARISHA: Just slip it up your back robe. ASHLEY: I can slip it up my back and then you can be on my shoulders like you’re tired or something? LIAM: Wear my cloak if you want to cover it. ASHLEY: Nott can put her legs out. TRAVIS: We should probably get back. We’ve been here awhile. LAURA: He probably thinks we’re dead, you guys. TRAVIS: Well, we almost were. MARISHA: All right, let’s go. TRAVIS: We head out. LIAM: I hang out at the back of the group for a split second, and hold out that wire that I used to cast that cantrip and look at the room and I look at the wire. Then I follow everybody. MATT: Okay. You guys make your way back up through the chamber where you had the encounter with the gelatinous cube and solved the riddle of the hidden interior of this research facility. You make your way through the no longer trapped chambers, still tenuously held on the various pressure plates. LAURA: Oh man, we should have tried to go through that teleportation circle. LIAM: It was broken. LAURA: Yeah, we should have tried harder. MARISHA: They worship some weird shit. Who knows what dark corners of the world it goes to. TALIESIN: I wonder if you’ll come out in one of the Nine Hells but only a third of you. LIAM: What we would have done is face-planted on the stone floor. MARISHA: We’re going to start with just trying to give him the rings and the art, right? Rings, art, shit– Keep everything else. LAURA and MARISHA: And the candlesticks. SAM: I think the god of gods wants to say something. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, you continue up the spiral staircase, coming to where the wall had been blown down and then cleared out for you guys to enter. There, as you hear the familiar sound of rushing water, you climb out back into the much cooler air flow that’s blowing through the subterranean tunnel. There, your two boats are still affixed, pulled up onto the edge of the river. LIAM: Can I say that as soon as I left this chamber I tagged along behind my new monk best friend and sent the globules in the air around us even though she has the goggles, and I’m, while walking, trying to read every page of that journal. And will continue to do so on the boats. LAURA: Thank you for saving me, Molly. TALIESIN: You’re welcome. LAURA: Thank you for saving me, Fjord. TRAVIS: No problem. MATT: So who’s taking which boat? ASHLEY: I would like to get in a boat with Caleb. MATT: Yasha and Caleb on one side. SAM: And me. ASHLEY: And Nott. MATT: The rest in the other? LAURA: I have to go in the other boat. SAM: You’re the motor. MATT: Are you guys going up back where you came? SAM: Does the river keep going? MATT: The river continues going, yeah. It forked ahead where you were. TRAVIS: Current goes away from the direction we came from? MATT: Correct, but it’s not a strong current. It’s a lazy-going current, but you could row up. It’s a little harder to do. TRAVIS: We could see what’s down the river a bit. LIAM: If we want to go back, our two muscle sisters could get us up this current for sure. MATT: You could. It would be tiring. TRAVIS: We’re already out this far. Might as well see where it goes for a little bit. SAM: It could be scary. There could be more rock monsters and things. TALIESIN: There are literally going to be rock monsters if we go back the other way. LIAM: Yeah, if we are doing that, then I suggest camping in this chamber before going forward, because we are all bloodied and battered, you know. TRAVIS: Sure. We could do that. LAURA: It has been a really long day so far. SAM: What time is it? MATT: Make a survival check, Nott. LIAM: I would know what time of day it is. MATT: You would because of your feat. SAM: And so would I because I rolled an 18! MATT: The two of you know that in the time you spent traveling down here in the subterranean area, resting and going through these battles– and you left midday. It’s when you had arrived to begin your journey here. It’s getting pretty close to dusk. Not quite yet. The sun hasn’t set. SAM: We could go a little ways, and then come back if we don’t find anything. LIAM: I don’t think we should go. We either go back the way we came, or we camp before going forward. MARISHA: We could do a scout boat. LAURA: Or we go check out what’s farther along. MARISHA: Maybe one boat stays behind, the other scouts it out? LIAM: I’m going to stay behind. I am out. LAURA and MARISHA: Separate the party! TALIESIN and TRAVIS: I’ll go forward. MARISHA: I’ll check it out. LIAM: Terrible idea. MARISHA: It’s our boat? Our boat scouts. LAURA: Just a little bit. TALIESIN: Not far. MARISHA: I use my staff to help navigate, Jester– TALIESIN and SAM: This is a terrible idea. MATT: Yasha, Nott, and Caleb are staying behind. ASHLEY: I’ll watch over these guys. MATT: You keep watch. The four of you guys– SAM: I’ll watch over these guys. ASHLEY: Okay, Nott. MATT: The rest of you get into one of the boats, push off, catch up onto the current, and begin to lazily drift further down the cavern. LAURA: I feel like this is stupid. SAM: Bye, guys. LAURA: See you never. TRAVIS: We’ll be back. We’re just taking a little look. TALIESIN: We’re only going an hour down, tops. MARISHA: I light a torch. MATT: The light picks up and spells out the interior of this chamber. TRAVIS: Keep an eye on the roof, remember? LAURA: If the current starts to pick up, we’re going to fight it and try to go back, yes? LIAM: As they float away out of earshot, I say to my two friends here: you know, if need be, The Mighty Drei also sounds very cool. TALIESIN: Are we taking a cat? LAURA: Yeah! Oh, I don’t think it works that far away from him. LIAM: No, Frumpkin is scarfing around my neck right now. MATT: You guys travel for about ten or 15 minutes down before another cavern merges with the one you’re in. It looks like another side of the river seems to merge with yours. LAURA: Oh, that’s where the fork was. It comes back together. MARISHA: We’re back to the fork. MATT: Well, you’re back where the fork seems to re-merge with the path you’ve been taking. As you turn back onto where that happens, what do you do? MARISHA: We’re going down that other path, right? LAURA: Yeah, keep going straight ahead. MATT: Are you guys continuing to go downriver or are you going– LAURA: We’re turning back and going the other way? TRAVIS: We could check out the other cavern and save the deeper part of the river for when we’re together. TALIESIN: That’s fair. Let’s just– TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re fighting up. MATT: Jester turns it around and begins going against the current and pulling you guys up– TRAVIS: I get behind Jester and start massaging her traps. MATT: There you go. Switchback towards the other avenue of the fork, and you guys continue up there. It takes a little while longer, and it’s a little tiring. For the heck of it, make a constitution check, please. LAURA: Constitution check? That’s pretty good. 16. MATT: No sweat. You’re making it up the river without an issue. Your muscles are holding. It’s fine. You are a beast. SAM: You have some sweat right here. MATT: Eventually, the sound of rushing water gets louder and louder. You glance up in the direction where you’re coming from, and there’s a fine mist in the air, a spray. LAURA: Oh no, there’s a waterfall. MATT: It looks like there is a waterfall that you guys are at the bottom of. It’s about a 15-foot drop from above to the bottom of where you are. You’d have to climb to get to the top, and you have no idea how to get a boat up there. You get the sense that if you had gone the other way down here, you would’ve suddenly had a waterfall drop. TRAVIS: Is there land off to the sides of the bottom of the waterfall? MATT: Very thin, a half a foot to a foot, but there are a lot of stones and rocks that have tumbled through the river over time and set at the bottom that would’ve destroyed a boat that had fallen off the edge of that waterfall. TALIESIN: Good to know. LAURA: Does it seem like there are any boats that are broken at the bottom of it? MATT: You can make an investigation check as you’re rowing up to the edge, glancing over the side. LAURA: Is there anywhere to stop the boat? MATT: This would be more of a perception check because you can’t really investigate. You’re not poring through it. TALIESIN: I’ll join this. MATT: There’s no place to pull the boat off to the side. TALIESIN: Is there a place to tie it off? MATT: There are only really the stones here, and they’re pretty slick. LAURA: I only rolled a ten. MATT: You don’t see any remnants of broken ship or boat. TALIESIN: Perception. That would have been ten, again. MATT: Yeah, it’s hard to tell in this vicinity. You do see the water crashing down a little, so there are a couple of small platforms on the way that it’s hitting and splashing off again. The spray is causing all this– LAURA: Is the waterfall really hardcore? Could we see if there’s anything behind the waterfall? MATT: Well, at the moment, no. From what you can see in the vicinity, you see the water rushing down. MARISHA: Can I get a little bit closer? I can poke. LIAM: Find Clarota again. LAURA: I try to get closer so that she can poke through the waterfall. MARISHA: I’m going to take my staff and jab it behind there, see if there’s anything. MATT: On one end, it hits rock. Does not. (gasping) MATT: There’s a little space behind the water. LAURA: Should we go? MARISHA: There’s always shit behind waterfalls. I think we should. LAURA: Do you think it’s going to bludgeon us? TALIESIN: I’m already taking off my jacket. I’m taking off everything that I don’t want to get wet, keeping just one sword, and I’m going to go for it. LIAM: Nipple rings in or out? TALIESIN: Weirdly, there are no nipple rings. Those things are dangerous. They catch on shit. LIAM: Insight check. MATT: They’re not there. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: Molly jumps off the boat. LAURA: Oh, you’re going? You’re jumping now? TALIESIN: I’m going in. LAURA: You’re not going to try to get the boat through? TRAVIS: I’m not letting him go by himself. I do the same thing. LAURA: I try to get the boat through. MATT: You row the boat. You pull through the waterfall and the boat (cracks). The opening is not wide enough for the boat, and it jams up into the space and gets lodged, and the waterfall is on you guys and in the boat. It’s filling up the boat. LAURA: I save the boat! Okay, I try to push off and not sink the boat. MATT: Make a strength check. MARISHA: Can I help her push off? MATT: Yeah, so you have advantage because she’s aiding you with this. LAURA: Jeez. Oh, much better. MATT: What did you roll? LAURA: 21. MATT: 21. Yeah, that’ll do it. You push away from the waterfall. Actually, I’m going to pull up some audio for this because I have it. LAURA: I really want to go see what’s behind the waterfall, but I don’t want to lose the boat. TALIESIN: I’m crawling up into it, man. LAURA: We’ll lose the boat if I jump out of the boat. MARISHA: Will it go anywhere, though? This is the end of it. It’s stuck in the chamber? TALIESIN: No, because it’s going to have a flow, because the water is coming down. We have to tie it off on something. LAURA: Is there anything to tie the boat on? MATT: There is nothing here, unfortunately. It’s slick rocks. LAURA: Do you see anything on the other side? TALIESIN: I’ll let you know when I get there. MATT: He’s swimming, making his way through at the moment. TALIESIN: Yeah. Where is it? I’m so excited. I want to hear your white noise. SAM: In cold water? LAURA: It’ll be like a cold peppermint drink. It’ll be good. SAM: I don’t think it works like that. LAURA: It does because I’ve been doing it at home. MATT: You make your way through– ASHLEY: Much better. MATT: There you go. Keep it thematic. You come up from underneath and you can see, as soon as you come up and reach out your feet and your hands, both of you guys begin to catch soft river floor, and eventually it comes up to a plateau, and this is a small, enclosed chamber in the inside. TALIESIN: (laughter) I’ve always wanted to do this. TRAVIS: Darkvision. Do I see anything? MATT: It only goes back about ten or so feet. SAM: (Clarota voice) Welcome to my home. MATT: (Clarota voice) It’s been a while. LIAM: (Clarota voice) Time is a circle. MATT: He’s folding beer cans into little shapes. What’s an alhoon to do? Anyway, you guys come out of the water and quickly glance, as your hair’s drenched on the sides of your face– except for you. It’s short enough hair. On the inside, it’s fairly empty, except for a skeleton. A humanoid skeleton against a back wall that is laying there. It has manacles or chains attached to its wrists, neck, and feet, and they’re all connected by a singular chain in the center, and it’s resting there, and it’s probably been here for a while. TRAVIS: That’s bad luck. TALIESIN: We seem to keep finding these. I am going to examine this thing. MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Seven. MATT: I mean, the body’s pretty rotted. It looks like whatever clothing they’re wearing is very basic material that is– It would be more disintegrated if there wasn’t so much moisture in the area, and it looks like bits of it have been eaten away with fungus and mold over time. The manacles are very well made, and looking at the edges where they connect, there’s a small rune at that point. TRAVIS: No scratches in the walls or any pouches or compartments on the floor around this little space? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Natural 19. MATT: Glancing around the interior of the chamber, unfortunately, there are no secret compartments or any alcoves. It looks like whoever was in here may have been an individual who escaped from a boat that was unprepared for the fall, and whoever was rowing them down this chamber either didn’t survive or didn’t know about this hidden alcove, and this individual was in here until they passed away. TRAVIS: What do those manacles look like? TALIESIN: Magic. TRAVIS: Oh, we could use those. I’ll walk over and I step on the elbow joint and snap it. MATT: As you do, the whole skeleton implodes entirely, and the manacles slip off as the different joints pull apart and alleviate the manacles. Now you’re holding the center chain, so you have the neck ring, the wrist and the ankle rings all dangling from this cluster of chain you’re holding. TALIESIN: I will pick up the skull and take a look at it. It is human? MATT: It appears to be human. Make a medicine check. TALIESIN: All these checks. Where’s my medicine? There. 12. MATT: Looking at the features of the skull, they’re a little bit more delicate than an average human’s skull. You get the sense they may be of partial elven blood. Not full elf, but partial elf. SAM: Never go full elf. TALIESIN: Very true. Well, on your way, Yorick. I set it adrift. TRAVIS: Yep, put the manacles over and I’ll jump back in. TALIESIN: I’m going to also keep my eyes open. I’m going to try to get a little bit down into this to see if there’s any bits and pieces underwater. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s what I was going to say. MATT: Make an investigation check when you came back in the water. TALIESIN: Do a little pat down. TRAVIS: Can I aid him or help him do something? MATT: Sure. You guys both go down there. You roll twice, with advantage, then. The help action allows you to– TALIESIN: 18. MATT: Looking down below there, you do see at the bottom, mostly covered in masses of soft dirt and silt, pieces of broken ship, and amongst the jagged rocks, it looks like more than one. A few ships have met their end at the base of this waterfall, definitely. Beyond that, you don’t notice anything of use. You do find a rusted shortsword and a couple of broken pieces of boxes, but anything that was left at the bottom of the waterfall seems like would have been recovered. Anything of worth someone must have come back for and sifted through because everything down there is rotted wood and things that weren’t useful. TALIESIN: All right. I’m going to kick my way back up to the boat. MATT: Okay. You guys break the surface and climb back into the boat. MARISHA: Ugh. Gross, Molly. LAURA: Did you find anything? TALIESIN: A lot of bad decisions. Several boats. MATT: As Fjord (impact) over the side and you see the chains on the inside. TALIESIN: Someone who didn’t quite get away. TRAVIS: Jester, give me a hand? LAURA: (Breathy) Okay. SAM: (Singing) Oskar! TALIESIN: I think I should find that gross, but I’m kind of into it? MARISHA: You know, people are going to start– LAURA: I lift him up by his armpits. (laughter) SAM: Spin him around once? LIAM: (Jester voice) You are like my little doll. TALIESIN: We did find one interesting thing: a place to stash things if we don’t want them to be found. LAURA: Oh that’s– ooh. MARISHA: How easy is it to get back down here, though? LIAM: Real difficult. TALIESIN: Well. If we come out the other way, then we know how to get back down here. SAM: (as pigeon) Coo! We’re never coming back here, coo! (laughter) LAURA: It’s a good place to hide though, too. TALIESIN: Good to know. LAURA: Fjord, even wet you’re, like, 150? (laughter) TRAVIS: I am 185 easy, okay? TALIESIN: Wet. LAURA: Right. MARISHA: He is very wet. LAURA: Fjord. 150? No? SAM: It was good. TALIESIN: Somewhere in the world right now, someone’s laughing. SAM: I think if you beg for it, it makes it even better. LAURA: It’s even better, right? MARISHA: Explain that joke. Explain it. MATT: What’re you guys doing? TRAVIS: I think we’re good to go back and join the others, yeah. TALIESIN: That was fun. MATT: You guys make your way back, fighting the current. Go ahead and make another constitution check. LAURA: Oh shit. I’m getting real tired, you guys– Oh, I’m not. I’m not getting tired at all, actually. 17. MATT: Jester’s powering through, no issue. You guys make it back. You join the rest of the crew. You see a mildly damp Mollymauk. Actually the whole crew is damp at this point from being under the waterfall. LIAM: How long were they gone for? MATT: At this point in time with the searching it would probably be close to an hour or so. LIAM: I could probably read an average novel in over an hour, so has this journal been read? MATT: For what you can, yeah. You’ve read everything in the journal you can make sense of. SAM: While they were gone– MATT: Well do you have another spell slot for Tongues? Well, for Comprehend Languages. Not Tongues. LIAM: Oh because it’s in a different language. Oh, yeah. MARISHA: The research journal? The research one? LIAM: No, because I used my magic thingy to get a slot back earlier in the day, so no. SAM: (as Jester) Technically can’t you remember everything? You just don’t understand it? LIAM: No, I remember what I skimmed, but I don’t– MARISHA: What was it written in? MATT: Draconic. SAM: You have a photographic memory, don’t you? LIAM: Of what I skimmed. I have to actually read it to remember it, and I did not read this entire book. MATT: Yeah, you can’t cast a spell and then remember the language. He has to actually– LIAM: I don’t touch the book to my head and then I have it. I have to eat the book. MATT: Yeah. Just piece by piece. All right. Now that you’ve re-joined with your compatriots– LAURA: Do we want to long rest or go back? LIAM and TALIESIN: Long rest. LAURA: Let’s camp. MATT: All right. You guys take the boats back onto the side. Where are you resting, here on the side of the river? LIAM: Oh! What I would have done if they left and I’m tapped, Caleb would have used a ritual to cast Comprehend Languages. MATT: It’s a ritual spell? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: All righty, you’re fine. LIAM: I am up to speed. MATT: Then you’re good. All righty. TRAVIS: We should actually go back inside and use the entrance as a good funnel. Don’t leave ourselves in the open. MARISHA: Caleb, if you’re done with that book do you think I could hold on to it? LIAM: Do you want to read it? MARISHA: Yeah, I’d love to. Thank you. MATT: You guys pull the boats up on the side, head back inside. Where are you going to set up camp on the inside of the chamber? SAM: How about in the place where we disarmed all the traps? We know that that’s safe. TALIESIN: That’s a bit deep in there. TRAVIS: Yeah, it is. SAM: Well we can’t camp in the staircase. LAURA: Just inside of the rock collapse? SAM: That is a staircase. LAURA: It is? Immediately? SAM: Yes, immediately. LIAM: You are a reader? LAURA: Then yeah, at the bottom. TRAVIS: Yeah, the top– or the bottom. The bottom? TALIESIN: I think at the top, personally. TRAVIS: Yeah, because the bottom one with the things, the traps blockers– LAURA: Right before the staircase, right inside. MATT: You can do that. You guys set up a small camp area, take whatever bedrolls and materials that you have to do the best you can to set up a space to sleep. You find enough of a division in the floor to at least get to a resting point and you guys begin your evening’s long rest. Could I have everybody at the table except for Fjord please leave and go take your break a little early? MARISHA: (singing) More bad dreams! LAURA: (singing) Because he was in the water before! SAM: (singing) Every time he touches the water he has backstory! TRAVIS: You don’t know that! LIAM: Fuck that kraken! TALIESIN: Oh, that’s a whole different show. LIAM: It’s the same show! MARISHA: Crack into a Kraken. TRAVIS: Take your time! It’s all good. LAURA: Sorry, I want to bring this with me that’s all. TRAVIS: Oh no. Oh god. MATT: The sleep takes you and the darkness of your dream state alleviates you of the stress of the day. Your aching muscles turning numb, your physical form and consciousness now removed and aimless in this dark space. You look down at your hands, and there you see clasped in your grip the hooked and curved blade that you had recently bound with. In your grasp, you swing it and slowly inspect as you do. As you swirl the blade around in your hand, it almost has a trail around it. As you hold it coldly in you grasp, this yellow light suddenly emerges in front of you, as a familiar, large, yellow eye now looks upon you. A voice fills you, directionless, “Consume.” You glance at the blade and back at the eye and the voice again says, “Consume.” What do you do? TRAVIS: Consume. Oh god, am I going to try to swallow the sword? MATT: What do you do, Fjord? TRAVIS: It’s a large blade, right? MATT: It’s about this wide in places. It comes out and it arcs and curves and has jagged edges on it. TRAVIS: I don’t know what you mean, consume? Fuck it, I’ll turn the blade over and keeping my eyes on the big eye, I’ll bring it up to my mouth and open it. MATT: It’s cold to the touch of your tongue, the blade completely absent of any temperature. TRAVIS: I’ll– MATT: As you begin to force it down your gullet, you feel the edge of the blade hit the back of your throat and a moment of pain hits you as it begins to cut through your flesh. At that point, this ravenous hunger begins to build on the inside of your stomach. Though the pain tells you to pull away, you continue to force the blade down. As you pull it down from the hilt, you feel the blood burble up in the back of your throat and spill out of your chin but you continue to push it until the entirety of the blade is consumed within your throat. You close your eyes for a moment and look up at the eye once more. The voice returns to fill, reverberating around you. The pain subsides and it says, “Good.” The eye closes. The lid completely cutting of the source, the cold, the liquid, the water around you the sense of being under the ocean again begins to whisk you away. A heavy current begins to pull from behind and you reach out trying to grasp for any hand or foot hold. Yet you have nothing to hold on to. As you feel yourself being dragged into this endless abyss, the dream comes to an end. You wake up. (panting) Everyone else is asleep in the area. No one seems to have woken up from your presence. TRAVIS: Anything in my hands? MATT: Nothing in your hands, no. TRAVIS: I wipe my mouth. MATT: Wipe your mouth. There’s a little bit of blood right there across your hand. TRAVIS: Can I try and summon the sword? MATT: You do and as you summon it, there before you is not the Wastehunter Blade, but the falchion now returned to grasp with a strange, more hooked and jagged appearance to it. It seems the essence of this pact has consumed the weapon you had bound with and made it one with the falchion you made this pact with oh so long ago. TRAVIS: I try and keep my– (clears throat) Fu– Make it disappear again. Has anybody woken up? Are any eyes open at all? MATT: At the moment, no. TRAVIS: I’ll lay back down and go to sleep. MATT: That’s where we’ll take our break. TRAVIS: Holy shit! MATT: We’ll be right back, guys. As a reminder, we do have our giveaway tonight. We have the wenge hero vault, which is the awesome dark wood color from our friends at Wyrmwood. You can contain your dice or your character model. This will go to whoever wins tonight’s giveaway. Once again, if you are in the U.S or in Canada, you are capable of winning this tonight, unless you are in Quebec, unfortunately. Come on into the Twitch chat right now. The keyword for tonight’s “harvest.” You can only enter once. If you enter more than once, you will be unfortunately disqualified from this. We’ll come back at the end of the break to give this to the winner, so we’ll see you guys here in a few minutes. Thanks so much. TRAVIS: Oh, you crazy motherfucker! MATT: (evil laughter) (break) MATT: Welcome back everybody! First off we have– TRAVIS: Wow, good call back. TALIESIN: You did great. MATT: Wow, that’s my wife, ladies and gentlemen. Our winner for this evening, for the wonderful wenge hero vault is Darkone_Nightshade. ALL: Woo! MATT: Congratulations, Danoba will get your contact info and get that sent out to you, congrats. All righty, so as you guys all come to consciousness, in the cold, desolate dark space within this long abandoned research facility from the Age of Arcanum, you stiffly get off the ground, collect your stuff. What do you want to do? MARISHA: I do a few push ups to get warmed up. MATT: Gotcha. Beau’s doing her morning routine. MARISHA: Yeah, some squats. SAM: Oh, we did a long rest-y? LAURA: Yes, we did a long-y rest-y. ASHLEY: I would like to sit and attune to the sword. MATT: You attuned to the blade, perfect. SAM: Caleb, you were not, I don’t want to jinx it or anything, but I don’t think that you were hit in any of the fights yesterday, were you? LIAM: That is not correct. I was not hit in the final fight. SAM: But you remained pretty much unscathed. LIAM: I made out better than usual, yes. SAM: And that was the only day that you let me put flowers in your hair, right? LIAM: Okay. I see where you are going. SAM: I’m saying, maybe, sometimes old wives’ tales are true! LIAM: Well I am not much of a believer in old wives’ tales, but I do like trial and error, so if you would like to do it again today– SAM: As an experiment. LIAM: As an experiment, yes. SAM: This is a focus group test thing. I don’t know. MARISHA: It’s true. You need more than one example. SAM: True. Sample size. LIAM: Do we have any more flowers? SAM: I have a lot. MARISHA: Got to find that average. TRAVIS: Standard deviation. SAM: May I? LIAM: You may. SAM: I’m going to take some time to put a little braid in his hair, and stick a little flower stem or two in there, and try to make a little flower mohawk. LIAM: How do I look? MARISHA: Like a satyr. Like in those ancient Greek paintings. SAM: Current Greek. LAURA and LIAM: What is Greek? TRAVIS: (robot voice) What is Greek? (laughter) LAURA: Are you all wet again? MATT: You go and inspect. No, there is no– LAURA: No dampness? MATT: No sea-foam froth, though there is a bit of dried blood at the corner of Fjord’s mouth. SAM: Dried blood? LAURA: Fjord, you have a little something right here. SAM: Did you shave? LAURA: Did you bite your lip? TRAVIS: Oh, yeah, I fucking grind my teeth. SAM: You should wear a bite guard. LAURA: Is that why–? Is it a sleep thing? TRAVIS: No, no, nope. Just bit myself in my sleep, that’s all. ASHLEY: Wait, is that why what? LAURA: Is that why, well you know. SAM: What? LAURA: (whispering) Well I don’t want to say anything. I’m afraid it will offend him. SAM: You can say it to me then. LAURA: (whispering) Well, most of the half-orcs I’ve seen have bigger tusks. (loudly) It’s okay, Fjord, if you don’t have a big tusk! It’s not a big deal! MARISHA: Oh, big tusks. LAURA: It’s totally fine! TRAVIS: Thank you, Jester. I appreciate– SAM: Is that an indication of other body parts? Do you have anything there? Do you have nubs? What are those? LIAM: Why don’t you pull down your lower lip and show us what’s going on in there, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yup, I pull down my lower lip. SAM: What do we see? MARISHA: Does he have a cool lip tattoo? TRAVIS: You see very short, nubby teeth, with scratches and divots and chips on the top. SAM: On all of the teeth? TRAVIS: Just on the– LAURA: (sympathetic) Just on the tusks! SAM: You had said that you did your own dental work at one point. Did you do that? On purpose? TRAVIS: Yeah. I did. SAM: Why? MARISHA: Couldn’t afford a root canal? TRAVIS: That would have been a better excuse. When I was younger, they used to make fun of my teeth. LAURA: Who? TRAVIS: Kids can be cruel so I decided to take away the target that was most easily available for them. LIAM: Did you grow up with people who did not have tusks like you? So you were different? TRAVIS: Yeah, at the time there weren’t any others like me. I feel like I was especially picked on for my teeth. LIAM: Insight check. (laughter) SAM: Jesus. MARISHA: My childhood damage– Insight check! LIAM: Just a ten, not great. MATT: As a note, generally you can say “do I believe him?” and I’ll tell you to make an insight check. It’s not “I’m going to use an Insight Check action!” SAM: But insight check is so much dickisher. LAURA: It really is. Do you still feel the same way about your teeth? TRAVIS: Not necessarily. It became a habit. LAURA: You have to continue to do it? TRAVIS: I’m sure I don’t have to. It’s like people who chew their nails, I guess. ASHLEY: They will always grow back, even if you–? TRAVIS: They are persistent. LIAM: How quickly do they come back? TRAVIS: Not super fast. LAURA: Is that why you have blood on your mouth? Were you filing your teeth last night? TRAVIS: No. I think I bit my lip. MARISHA: I hate it when that happens. TRAVIS: Yeah, right, and then you bite it again the next day. TALIESIN: Do I believe him? MATT: You can make an insight check. TALIESIN: One. MARISHA: 800? LAURA: Is that nine? MARISHA: It’s nine? It’s 1,000? LAURA: No way! TALIESIN: I’m rolling so well. SAM: Did you do any other bod mod to yourself growing up? TRAVIS: Bod mod? No, I did not. ASHLEY: Did you kill any of the children that made fun of you? MARISHA: Children are assholes. TRAVIS: No. I didn’t have that sort of a streak in me then. SAM: Yasha, did you kill any of your fellow children growing up? ASHLEY: If you have to go to battle, if you have a challenge, you kill somebody. TALIESIN: If you kill them, then they’re not really your friends, are they? SAM: No. TALIESIN: Exactly. TRAVIS: I was a bit tougher than most of the other kids. I felt like I could take the physical poking, but the jeering, I– LAURA: The emotional poking was too much! LIAM: This is many years later, though. I can’t imagine that any of us would even blink at tusks. TRAVIS: You know, it’s not even really that intentional. I’ll find myself picking at them every once in a while. ASHLEY: Do you ever want them to stay there? TRAVIS: Like to grow back? LIAM and ASHLEY: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah, there are times. I’ve seen them: other half orcs with the teeth. LAURA: The guy in Tusk Love had them. TRAVIS: He did, yeah. I feel like it’s a trait that exemplifies the rougher side of my race, so sometimes I wish I had them, and sometimes I’m glad I don’t. LIAM: Yeah, well you know for many of us, our early days are always with us. I understand. SAM: This is how you see yourself, right? TRAVIS: I think it’s how I’d like to see myself. MARISHA: I mean, it’s how we see you. LAURA: I think you would look fine either way, Fjord. MARISHA: Yeah, I mean we’re too distracted with our own personal damage. TRAVIS: You saying I should let them grow out? LAURA: I’m saying if you want to, you would look good that way as well. You look good this way, you would look good that way. LIAM: Co-signed. TRAVIS: All right, fair. How about, you see me picking at them, or chipping at them or any of that shit, you just say the word and I’ll stop. LAURA and TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: The wind blows through the distant tunnels above, and for a minute you all shiver as the cold wind finds its way down below. Except for you, you’re fine. LAURA: I’m good. Warm blooded. SAM: Should we go back to The Gentleman? TALIESIN: It’s probably time. LIAM: So cloak on your back. Sword on the cloak. LAURA: Nott on the sword. SAM: Yeah, but we don’t have to do that now! We have a whole boat trip to go. LAURA: (singing) Sword up the butt! SAM: No! LAURA: (singing) Yep, straight up. SAM: Absolutely not. LAURA: (singing) Just like a puppet! SAM: No. ASHLEY: Is this a bad– should I stay outside or something? LIAM: There is no. We are going on. We are going right through their territory. LAURA: If he notices it, then he notices it, if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t. MARISHA: Then we bribe him with the information on the teleportation circle. ASHLEY: Or he can challenge me, and I can, you know. LIAM: We are a very convincing group, I think we can talk our way through that. LAURA: I’m really good at lying. LIAM: You have your ways. Well, the morning is getting on, shall we? LAURA: Let’s get in the boats. LIAM: Hans and Franz, will you please muscle us up this stream? MATT: Are you guys taking the same boat arrangements? MARISHA: Sure. ASHLEY: Hans and Franz? MATT: The two of you are helming it. You know the time of day, even though you are below the surface, keeping tracking of this because of your feat. It’s roughly six in the morning. It’s very early because you guys went to bed fairly early. You guys begin to make your way up the river now, going against the current, muscling your way up and up further and further still. You come across the area where you had the initial confrontation with the darkmantles and begin to push and push. LAURA: Harder because there’re things there. MATT: Make a strength check, both of you guys. TRAVIS: Yeah. Eyes on the ceiling as well because that’s where danger came from. LAURA: Yeah. Eyes on the side where the rock guys were. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: Oh no. MARISHA: Oh shit. ASHLEY: I got 20. Not a natural. LAURA: She rolled well. This a strength check? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Five! MATT: All right. As you guys continue to go forward, Yasha pushes on, manages to gain ground. Jester, while doing fine yesterday, trying to do the advanced pushes, you’re still making it up the stream, but you’re still a little sore from the night before. MARISHA: She did rowing yesterday. MATT: Yeah. However, you’re not making any loud noises at the moment. As you glance up, none of the darkmantles– you look up and you can see now there are a few that are adhered to the ceiling, but they don’t seem to have noticed your presence yet. As you’re rowing through, you’re falling behind. You manage to get through unnoticed and actually way above the one boat. I need all the rest of you to make stealth checks. She’s not on your boat, which would be Jester, Beau, Molly. LAURA: Oh, Blessing of the Trickster, sure. On you. LIAM: It feels so weird, still, with stealth checks, to only be able to add a one when I used to add 9,000. MATT: I know. LIAM: Still feels weird. LAURA: You get advantage. TRAVIS: Hey, that’s way better! Thank you. A 17. MARISHA: 24. LAURA: 12. TALIESIN: 21. LAURA: To be fair, I am rowing. MATT: As you begin to row past to continue, quiet as you can, and with sound of the oars, it matches the slow– it’s a little bit of volume based on the river flow, but it doesn’t seem to cause enough of a ruckus to draw the attention of the darkmantles above and the two earthen-based stone and vine creatures that you had originally seen emerge don’t seem to notice your presence as you slowly make your way past this part of the tunnel, eventually, catching up or at least a little bit behind Yasha and their group. As you continue forward, I need both of the boat rowers to make a constitution check, please. TRAVIS: Boat rowers! LIAM: Are we past those statues? LAURA: (exaggerated Southern accent) I’m rowing a boat! LIAM: Slowly by. LAURA: (exaggerated Southern accent) That’s a 13. MATT: Yasha, constitution check please. ASHLEY: Uh oh. LIAM: Don’t you have the heart of an ox? ASHLEY: A seven. MATT: A seven. You gain a point of exhaustion. Going against the stream in itself and pushing up and with the extended push of your muscles to get through that last bit, it’s beginning to take its toll on you and your muscles being to seize up. LAURA: It’s because you went so fast through the other area. You have to pace yourself. MATT: You gain a point of exhaustion. With that last bit, you guys manage to make your way up the rest of this underground river. It takes a little while, but eventually you see ahead the dull green glow of the various small lanterns that were affixed to the interior of the river cavern entrance and there you can see the docks on the side. As you approach, waiting for you, sitting in the same position up there, that older, crusty-looking fella named Rodel, who you had met on the way out, and Kara, leaning against the back wall. MARISHA: Oh shit. MATT: Looks like she’s asleep in the corner, sitting in a small chair and not– TRAVIS: (whistles) MATT: “Oh! Oh, you’ve returned. Rodel!” He wakes up. (grunts) They eventually get over there and help you get the boats over there. They tie off the ropes and you guys make your way up out of the water, out of the boats, and onto the dockside. She goes, “You’ve returned! I see that you aren’t any worse for wear. How did it go?” LAURA: We killed stuff! We are really badass! TRAVIS: Yeah, it was not really much of a test for us. TALIESIN: There was a lot in there, though. TRAVIS: That’s true. MARISHA: So many undead blobs. Lot of undead blobs. MATT: “Fair enough. Well, let’s get you back there and talk to the boss, if he’s awake. He should be.” She pulls out the blindfolds again, passes them out. TRAVIS: Can we just, forego those? I feel like this is going to be the beginning of a very fruitful relationship, surely. MATT: “I understand that, but this is the boss’s orders. I’m sorry.” MARISHA: The boss is still asleep, you said. LAURA: No, she said he was probably awake. MATT: “I don’t think you understand. It’s the boss’s orders. I can’t just go against them.” MARISHA: All right. Let’s go be blindfolded. LIAM: We don’t want to rock the boat here, by all means. MATT: “Thank you. Please.” She passes out blindfolds to you guys. You figure out an order of making your way down and as you made your way to this portion of the cavern, you walk back, being lead by Kara through the Underworks. LIAM: Do I see anything of note through Frumpkin’s eyes as we walk? MATT: Same path as you went last time, not as busy. Nobody else is walking through the halls. It’s early enough where there isn’t much. You do come past that chamber before where you saw the cages in there and there’s two more cages set inside, even larger. One of them is a heavy meshed series of metal. You don’t hear anything in there. LIAM: Can I tell what’s inside there? MATT: Make a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: Come on, Frumpkin. MATT: With disadvantage. LIAM: Doesn’t matter. MARISHA: That’s pretty bad. LIAM: Pretty bad. Yeah, both bad. Real low. Five. MATT: You do not, unfortunately. It’s too dark in the distance at this point. It’s too late. Eventually making your way up through a series of steps to a ladder and then you all can take your blindfolds off. You recall being led down to this chamber. At this point, Kara says, “We’re almost there.” She climbs up the ladder and opens a trap door that leads into a small chamber. You guys follow her up inside a storage room where there are sacks of food and barrels of all sorts of alcohol, ale, water, and whatever else materials are being kept down here. Going through a door not but two feet from that open hatch into the familiar interior of the true Evening Nip tavern. SAM: Before we go in, I’m going to try to tug on Yasha’s leg. Don’t you want to carry me? My legs are a little achy. ASHLEY: Oh, yes. MARISHA: By the scruff. TRAVIS: Right up the butt. SAM: Ah! I try to find a position. ASHLEY: Try to settle the cloak to– MATT: Did you leave your moon sword behind? Or do you still have it with you? ASHLEY: I still have it with me. Was I supposed to leave it behind? MATT: No, it’s up to you. Meaning, if you have the sword that you had in the sheath that the moon sword was in right now, or at least tucked in there briefly because it’s a little wider than the sword you had previously had so it’s going to carve through. It’ll hold, it but the scabbard’s probably– ASHLEY: I want to keep it so maybe we can sell the Moon-Touched Sword. Could we have put it in the– TALIESIN: We could have strapped them both to your back. LAURA: Well the Moon-touched Sword, is it small enough to fit in the bag or is it–? MATT: Barely. Just barely. I’d say you can probably get that in there. ASHLEY: Sorry. I totally forgot about that. MATT: Just making sure we knew about that. As you enter the chamber, the light is lower. It looks like only three of the interior torches are currently glowing. There is no barkeep at the bar and there are no patrons in there. The ogre guard is there in the corner. Looks a little groggy and recently come to consciousness and is feasting on a whole side of pig that has been cured and salted. It hasn’t been butchered, literally tearing off the bone of the half of the pig and sees you enter and (grunts) and continues eating. On the balcony across the way, as soon as you enter, you can see at the top, there is the female goliath, Sorah, who is standing there and looking down at you as you enter and gives a head nod of acknowledgement. Kara goes, “Sorry, Sorah. Is The Gentleman awake? They’ve returned. Like to talk to him, please.” Sorah turns around and pulls open– You can look behind now, what little bit of light there is a drawn, heavy curtain that blocks the interior behind and goes, “Boss, the Nein have returned.” Some voices on the inside and a voice goes, “Ah. Just a moment. I’m sorry. Got some business.” Then coming out from behind the curtain, you see The Gentleman in this long deep purple silk robe that is tied around the waist and goes, “(laughter) Well, you’ve returned.” LAURA: (fake wolf whistles) MATT: “Indeed. Well, have a seat, please. (claps loudly) Some food, please.” SAM: We’ll stand. ASHLEY: Just lean up against the wall while. MARISHA: Bacon. I want bacon. MATT: “Bacon, please. Get these friends some bacon! My god. I’ll be right down.” He goes back into the chamber. You hear some other voices and a slight giggle and then Sorah enters the chamber after him. A few moments pass and then one of the doors on the bottom area opens up and Sorah steps out, holds the door aside and The Gentleman, who’s still in his robe but now has pants and boots on, enters the chamber and goes, “(laughter) Well, early risers. I’m not going to lie, we were sad to see you not return sooner and had assumed that perhaps you had not survived so this is a great, gracious celebration of your return.” He goes and sits down behind his usual chair. TRAVIS: Apologies for our poor timing. Hopefully we weren’t interrupting? LAURA: Early in the morning. MATT: “What? Was having breakfast. Anyway. You’re alive, a little worse for wear. I see some scuffs around the edges. Tell me all about it. What did you do?” TRAVIS: Really not that big of a deal. There were some will-o’-wisps, some floating spirits. TALIESIN: Quite a few will-o’-wisps. LAURA: Yeah, so many will-o’-wisps. Did you know you just have to break a vase and you kill a will-o’-wisp? MATT: “I did not but good to know.” MARISHA: There’s like ash all over the place now. Sorry about that. TALIESIN: Quite a few traps. MATT: “Right.” TALIESIN: Was there a gelatinous cube at one point? TRAVIS: There was, actually, yes. LAURA: Yeah, this big cube came down from the ceiling and it tried to eat us. MATT: “That’s terrifying.” TRAVIS: Indeed. LAURA: It’s pretty scary. TRAVIS: Good thing you sent the pros. Amateurs probably would have had a worse time. MARISHA: Found lots of skeletons along the way. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: And exactly six rings for you. MATT: Make a deception check. (laughter) TRAVIS: You are not Scanlan anymore! (laughter) SAM: Nine. MATT: “(chuckles) Really?” TALIESIN: I smack her on the back of the head. SAM: You can’t reach. TALIESIN: That’s right! You’re up. I swat. TRAVIS: There was a fair amount of jewelry. There was. MARISHA: We also found a decent amount of fine art for you. LAURA: Oh yes! I pull out the vases. Look at these antiques! MATT: He pulls one out. Inspects it. LAURA: Careful, they’re very old. MATT: “Of course. I’m a collector myself. It’s fine. This is beautiful make. This is pre-Divergence as well. (chuckles).” LAURA: I bet they’re worth a whole of money then, huh? MATT: “Oh, most certainly! To the right people, they can be worth quite a bit.” LAURA: We found some candlesticks too. ASHLEY: Also some candlesticks. MATT: “All right.” You produce the candelabra. “These six rings, you say.” LAURA: It was seven. I give one of the extra rings. MATT: Make a deception check. MARISHA: Come on, Jester. ASHLEY: I didn’t keep mine. LAURA: Yeah, I know. TRAVIS: Look, we know who has them. We know. LAURA: 16? MATT: He goes, “Well, thank you for your honesty. Anything else?” He gives a very intense look across each of your faces. “You would like to inform me that you found, encountered, any warnings? We’re going back in after there to clear out whatever remains behind so we want to make sure we’re prepared.” LAURA: I think we killed everything. LIAM: No, you don’t want to get pantsed. We did not kill everything entirely. There are some critters on the roof of the river passage. Nothing major, you just want to have your eyes on the ceiling as you go through. MATT: “Of course. We know of that.” LAURA: We see two rock creatures that were really big but they’re really slow so bolt on past them and they won’t be able to catch you. MATT: “Right, but within this facility itself?” TRAVIS: There was a destroyed– looks like a transportation circle inside. LIAM: Yes. To be honest, it looks like it was possibly looted some time long ago. MARISHA: There wasn’t a lot left. LIAM: Whatever has inhabited the place in recent years or in recent centuries has been removed. LAURA: There were a lot of burned books. TRAVIS: Bodies. Lots of bodies. SAM: Traps, which I deftly dismantled. LAURA: Mostly be careful walking on them. You’ll see them. SAM: Pressure plates in the lower floor. LAURA: They’re pretty obvious now. MATT: At this point, food begins to be brought from the far kitchen. You can see the person who had just woken up has been rushing to make whatever meats are available and has been cooking. The smell begins to permeate and it’s coming out piecemeal, as they’re ready. TALIESIN: Once we’ve figured out that the will-o’-wisps were coming from pots we just broke anything that looked like it might contain one. MATT: “All right. Is that all? I would like to specify that I despise falsehood, and our relationship is based on honesty and trust.” LAURA: Well, there were two paths in the river, and the second path lead to a waterfall. I don’t know what was at the top of the waterfall. There could be a chamber up there. I don’t know. The other side lead to the thing. TALIESIN: A lot of images on the wall. Weird magic stuff. MARISHA: Oh! There was this floor with this relief in it of these two faces, and Fjord put some coins in it. It opened up and he collapsed and fell in a pit. It was super fun. MATT: “What was in the pit?” TRAVIS: A lot of bodies. MATT: “Anything else?” ASHLEY: Probably the two leftover coins that he put in the eyeballs are still there. TRAVIS: Four, because there were two pairs. LAURA: Is there anything else? SAM: Nope. LAURA: We’re the worst. TALIESIN: Possibly a probing question would remind some things. I’m trying to remember. It was a bit daunting. TRAVIS: Yeah. So tired. MATT: “So there was nothing else?” MARISHA: No, we stayed up all night trying to get back here. LAURA: We almost died. MATT: “Is that all you found and recovered?” LAURA: (mumbling) I could look in my bag. MATT: He’s done business before and is looking very intently across all of your faces. TRAVIS: I start eating. MATT: “You’re dodging my question. That doesn’t make me comfortable. That doesn’t make me trust you.” MARISHA: There’s just no answer further. MATT: “You’re telling me that’s all you found?” ASHLEY: What were you looking for, anyway? MATT: “Nothing. I wish to be informed that that is the end of your recovery.” MARISHA: You knew going in here it was heavily looted and raided. We brought you several pieces– MATT: “I’m going to go out on a limb here and inform you that, as much as you try to doublespeak me, that I’ve been a master far longer than you have.” LIAM: Give him the book. MARISHA: (sigh) Caleb, we talked about this. LIAM: Yeah, and we said that we’d give him the book, so I’m a little confused. ASHLEY: No! MARISHA: All right, man. Been in the business longer than we have. I toss him the research notebook. MATT: He catches it. MARISHA: Here’s the precious research you were looking for. MATT: “All right. Thank you.” MARISHA: You’re welcome. MATT: “Is that all of it?” MARISHA: Yes. MATT: Make a deception check. MARISHA: Fuck! Who, just me? Can he help me? LIAM: I said no at the same time. Can she aid me? MATT: I’ll say sure. I’ll give you advantage on this. Because you both– LIAM: I have very good charisma. MATT: She’s rolling. MARISHA: Natural 20. Thank you! Yeah! Motherfucking liars! SAM: Unfortunately, we have to take $100 away from 826LA. (laughter) SAM: I’m sorry kids. It’s really a shame. MATT: We didn’t think this through. At that point, he sits back comfortably. “Very well. Thank you so much. I’m impressed. I am happy. Keep the rings. I said you can take something back with you, and you’ve done your job. You’ve proven yourselves very trustworthy. Please, at your leisure. Take solace in knowing that your friend, Horris, is safely on his way to Berleben.” SAM: Seemingly? MATT: “Safely.” LAURA: Do I believe him? MATT: Make an insight check. MARISHA: Come on. There’s been one too many “seemingly"s. LAURA: Is that an 11 or a 17? SAM: 17. LAURA: 17? 21? Yeah, that’s a 17. 21! MATT: He’s being completely honest. LAURA: He’s being honest! TRAVIS: That’s great! I appreciate you seeing him to safety. MATT: "Of course.” He snaps his fingers, and over by the curved stairway that leads down in here, two gentlemen that were sitting there in the shadows, unseen before, sit up. He goes, “Go on!”, and they both get up and leave up the stairs. He goes, “I’ve now initiated my means of getting you folks and most likely, Dolan, off the hook for the murder of the High-Richter. It may take some time, a day or two, maybe more, but have some faith in my abilities. Just lay low for a few days, if you don’t mind.” LAURA: We’re really good at that. TALIESIN: We’ll do our humble best. MARISHA: Will we get confirmation, word from you, that the deed has been done? MATT: “If all goes well, you won’t need it from me. With that, I call that a bargain met on all sides. Wouldn’t you?” He takes a little piece of burnt pork off the table. “Congratulations. You have my favor, Mighty Nein.” He turns to Fjord. “If you ever need me, come find me. If I should need you, I’ll find you. Now, off! I have to finish my breakfast, and my breakfast.” TRAVIS: Baller. MARISHA: I take the leftover bacon strips, and I shove them in my pocket. LIAM: I’m disappointed that we don’t have real bacon right now! MARISHA: I give half of my bacon to Caleb. Here you go. LIAM: But less, you need the protein. ASHLEY: Do you still keep the blood vials that you– MATT: “Oh yes, of course. We keep those for anyone we do business with. Sure. Standard procedure, I’m sorry.” ASHLEY: Yeah. Okay. SAM: It’s fine, Yasha. After all, I have an empty vial with his saliva in it, so we have that too. MATT: He just stares. TRAVIS: Thank you for your consideration and time. We’ll be in touch, shall we? MATT: “Of course. Be safe.” Finishes his meal, glaring at Nott on your way out. As you guys exit the bottom of The Evening Nip up into the proper top of the tavern, you step out. Looking out, you can see the morning sun has risen. It’s still early morning at this point in time. It’s probably eight o'clock in the morning at this point. SAM and LAURA: What a day. MARISHA: That was awesome. LAURA: We have stuff to sell! TALIESIN: Let’s go pawn some things. LAURA: Should we go do that now or should we lay low for a little bit and make sure that he doesn’t have anyone following us? TRAVIS: He can follow us. That’s fine. LAURA: Let’s go back to The Leaky Tap. LIAM: Help me remember, DM, did we have a way to get in contact with Dolan? MATT: Dolan was left at his home. That’s the last you saw, just him at his home. TRAVIS: That’s right. You sure you don’t want to sell off any of your extra wares? TALIESIN: Let’s clear some things out. LAURA: We do have some rings to sell, I guess, if we wanted to. MARISHA: We have those chains. We could– LAURA: Did you ever look at those chains? Did you look at the mantacles? LIAM: What mantacles? LAURA: The mantacles. To see if they were magical. LIAM: This is the first I am hearing of the manacles. TALIESIN: We didn’t actually tell him about the manacles. MARISHA: We found a dead guy. In chains. TALIESIN: A very dead guy. MARISHA: Do you think that people are going to start being suspicious of us if we keep selling magical manacles? LAURA: We should probably stop going to– MARISHA: The same blacksmith? LAURA: Maybe not to Pumat Sol for a little bit. LIAM: Maybe Pumat has a competitor in a town this big. LAURA: I’m sure. LIAM: Why don’t we wait until we’re back at The Leaky Tap before I look at these manacles you have? I would, if possible, like to swing past Dolan’s house, if that’s okay. TRAVIS: Sure. TALIESIN: I don’t see why not. TRAVIS: Put him at ease? MARISHA: Let him know that Horris is out of town. LIAM: Yeah, and before he died, he gave me something that I think Dolan would want to have. Ulog, before Ulog died. TRAVIS: Oh. Yeah, of course. Head back that way. SAM: As we get clear of the bar, (popping) I’m going to get down off of Yasha. (laughter) TALIESIN: You’ve been waiting for that for too long. ASHLEY: It’s very strange how you’re very dense. SAM: It’s all muscle. ASHLEY: I feel it’s a lot heavier than you look. SAM: I’m a cool 45 pounds, yo! LAURA: You should probably take a bath. SAM: Yes, I guess so. LAURA: Nott, I know you don’t like water, but this is an extreme version. SAM: Maybe I could wipe myself clean with a dry towel. LAURA: I think probably at least a damp towel? LIAM: This is surprising coming from me, but I agree with that sentiment. You are covered in dead person. TALIESIN: Several. MARISHA: Several dead people. TALIESIN: Specifically their feet. SAM: Okay, I’ll think about it. MATT: As you guys begin to walk along the streets of Zadash here in the morning air, the cloud cover in the sky still gray, sunless, cool. You can see the mist of the town is now finally burning off, but the gray day is still cool and welcoming. You’re going to Dolan’s house? You make your way towards Dolan’s, trying to still dodge too much attention from the crownsguard, which thankfully– MARISHA: Especially Molly and I. MATT: Not too strong at this point. They still are trying to prevent people from entering and exiting, but there are still patrols that go through. You make your way carefully through, this point in the morning, towards the exterior of Dolan’s hut. MARISHA: As we’re walking, I lean over to Fjord, and I go: Something’s been bothering me. The Gentleman said that it was Ulog that arranged and leaked the information to the Xhorhasian assassins. What would be his motive for doing that, if he only really cared about getting his wife free? Or at least revenge for his wife. TRAVIS: I think he was trying to upset the government, right? Create fractures, hope pressure would make things snap in the end? MARISHA: I hope so. Feels like a big task for one person. How would he have those connections? TRAVIS: Maybe he’s been hedging his bets for a while. Good to keep in mind. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: You guys come up to the exterior of Dolan’s home. It’s dark on the inside. TRAVIS: I’d normally, but I feel like he knows you. LIAM: You come with me because you’ve spoken to him more than I have. TRAVIS: Walk up. Double tap, followed by a single. MATT: A moment passes, and the door (lock clicks, creak). Dolan’s head peeks out. “Gentlemen, it’s good to see you. What news have you?” LIAM: Only a moment of your time. I’m a little embarrassed that I did not remember this the other day, but it was quite an evening that night. MATT: “Of course.” LIAM: When Ulog was in that house, he found something that I think you should have. Shortly before he expired, he shoved it into my hand. I pull out those papers that he found about the wife. It’s a little frayed, he shoved it into my hand. We are lucky that it did not burn up, but take this, please. MATT: “Of course. I’ll see what I can do. Things are a bit tense right now, of course.” LIAM: When it makes sense. MATT: “Of course. How is Horris?” TRAVIS: Safe. LIAM: On his way. MATT: “Oh, thank god.” TRAVIS: To Berleben. MATT: “To Berleben? That’s far enough away, I think, from any influence here. Thank you. Thank you so much.” TRAVIS: Of course. It was the least we can do. We trust with this information and the right things occurring in the next few days, you can find your way to some prosperous moves for this city. MATT: “I hope so.” LAIM: A lot of bad things are happening now. It would be nice if one good thing could come of it all. MATT: “That would be. I’d like to see a turn for the right in this city, or another, at least. There is right in this city. There are good people. As terrible as the death of the High-Richter may be, in essence I think much good may come out of it, in the long run.” LIAM: It’s entirely up to you now, isn’t it? MATT: “We shall see. Anyway, you musn’t be seen dilly dallying along at this home, just in case. Thank you for the update, thank you for Horris, and good luck, friends. I do hope we meet again soon, in better times.” LIAM: Tschüß. MATT: Closes the door, locks it behind. TRAVIS: Nice. LIAM: Broken clock twice a day. Come on. MATT: Are you guys heading back to The Leaky Tap? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. As you head back to The Leaky Tap, people are starting to come to consciousness and exit the building. The street becomes a little more bustling. One of the barkers, one of the town criers that you had seen before when you arrived begins coming down the street, and begins doing his shouts. “Harvest Close comes on the third of Fessuran! Harvest Close comes on the third of Fessuran!” and continues walking past. MARISHA: We could enter in a contest and fight for the Harvest Festival, right? LAURA: Oh yeah, there was something about that. TRAVIS: Really? Just for sport? MARISHA: Yeah. Maybe there’s prize money or something. TRAVIS: That could be a nice change of pace. MARISHA: I like fighting people for fun. MATT: You get closer to The Leaky Tap and see another female– LAURA: Yeah, in the Victory Pit! MARISHA: Yeah, that’s it. MATT: Another town crier comes by, younger female, with the big tabard and the scroll as she walks by says, “Conflict at the Xhorhasian border grows violent! Watch your children at night!” MARISHA: (singing) Hide your kids! Hide your wife! MATT: “Conflict at the Xhorhasian border grows violent! Watch your children at night!” She continues walking. LAURA: What happened to the children? MATT: She looks back at you, “I’m just reading the paper.” ASHLEY: May I have one of those? MATT: “It’s for me to read from. I have one. No–” ASHLEY: I’m going to look at it, and then I’m going to give it back to you. Does it say any more? MATT: On this, it has the Xhorhasian note, and it has the Harvest Close coming the third of Fessuran. Those are the two notes of the day. ASHLEY: You literally just– that’s all that’s on there. MATT: “That’s my job.” MARISHA: Hey! MATT: “Ah!” MARISHA: Where do we sign up for the Victory Pit? MATT: “I don’t know.” MARISHA: Tell me. You know! TRAVIS: You want to tell her. MATT: Make an intimidation check. Sure. MARISHA: We had a long-ass night. MATT: With advantage. MARISHA: With advantage? LIAM: Marisha, your theme with children continues. MARISHA and TRAVIS: She is not a child! MARISHA: What am I doing, intimidation? 14. She is not a child. MATT: (Stammering) MARISHA: There’s a rec center, community service– MATT: No, at the Victory Pit. It’s in the Pentamarket, probably. I don’t know. MARISHA: Thanks, it’s all you had to tell me. MARISHA: She takes the paper from Yasha and darts off down the street. TALIESIN: She’s not a verbal learner. MARISHA: I liked her. TALIESIN: I could tell. LAURA: I start yelling out: The third of the Fessuran is the end of the harvest! SAM: Do we know what day it is today? LAURA: Hide your kids! Hide your wife! MATT: The third of Fessuran is about five days away. LAURA: There’s a Victory Pit! LIAM: Passion Pit on the third of Fessuran! MATT: You guys return to The Leaky Tap and we’ll say for the time being, we’re going to have a few days of downtime. If there’s anything specifically you want to do, that’s not story-centric. LIAM: I need money! He said out of character. MARISHA: Sell shit. Sign up for the Victory Pit. MATT: All right. What are you selling? LAURA: I have a lot of rings. I should see if I can get any good money for some of them. MARISHA: Pawn the rings that we have. TALIESIN: Unless there’s an opal in there, I’m getting rid of the ring. MATT: None of the rings have gems. They’re all base metals, like gold and silver. LAURA: I have some fancier rings, though, from before. MATT: If you want to try and hock some, sure. LAURA: That were stolen from your boss? TALIESIN: Oh, that’s fine. They’re probably fake, then. MATT: They are. TALIESIN: Anything you took from the circus was not real. ASHLEY: Wasn’t The Gentleman supposed to reward us? TALIESIN: It was trade. MARISHA: Us not getting charged for murder was the reward. TRAVIS: While they’re figuring it out, on one of the days can I make my way by Ren Sutan’s physician’s office? MATT: You can do that. What do you want to do at Ren’s? TRAVIS: I want to casually look on the outside, see if it’s still in business, see if it’s still bustling, or if anything has come their way. MATT: Okay. You spend a little bit of time watching. It’s still a functional physician’s practice. People still need a physician. You can’t tell from a distance if it’s darkened by the arrest of Lord Sutan, but you can’t imagine it’s gone well within the family house. It’s still a functional facility. It’s still one of the finer places to go for medical purposes. TRAVIS: Can I use my Mask of Many Faces, and I’ll adopt an older face with a gray beard and a dark hood, and can I walk into the physician’s office? MATT: Yeah, easily enough. You walk into the main area, and one of the clerks there with the same white robes approaches. “Can I help you, sir?” TRAVIS: (as Sean Connery) Yes, hello. (laughter) TALIESIN: Commit to it! TRAVIS: (as Sean Connery) Is Ren Sutan there? (laughter) MATT: “What do you require of the Doctor?” TRAVIS: (as Sean Connery) Just get him. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: He goes, “I’m sorry to bother you there, sir, but he’s not in at the moment, but we have a few of the clerks that could help you.” TRAVIS: (Sean Connery voice peters out) You don’t want his trouble with the Myriad to spill over to you, do you? MATT: His eyes go wide. “We have no business–” TRAVIS: Fetch him. Now. LAURA: What happened to Sean Connery? TRAVIS: I fucking lost it. SAM: (as Sean Connery) Fetch him now. I’m a Russian sub commander. MATT: “Very well. I’ll go fetch him.” He walks past you out of the– TRAVIS: (as Sean Connery) Do your best. Losers always whine about their best. MATT: He walks around you and exits the front of the facility and begins walking down the road, out of sight. TRAVIS: I’ll turn and follow him. MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: (as Sean Connery) I cast Hexblade. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: Okay. Bee-lining straight to the nearest crownsguard. TRAVIS: I will turn on my heel and use my Mask of Many Faces to turn into a lovely woman. MATT: A moment later, two crownsguard come rushing, blades drawn, behind the clerk, who’s pointing towards the front of the building, and they rush past you in the interior and begin to look around. They both split on the inside and begin going through the different rooms. It seems not only did he not believe you, but dropping the name of the Myriad in a public space like that, that’s immediate call to the guard for these guys. TRAVIS: I make my way back to The Leaky Tap. MARISHA: Wow, that’s good to know! LAURA: I want to scout out the Hearth of the Allhammer, the Raven’s Den in the graveyard, and the Platinum House, and see if there’s a lot of guards, or if there’s any of those that don’t have a lot of guards. MATT: For the most part, the places of worship, they’re not very prominent. They’re not huge temples. They’re kept here out of law that was decided upon, but they’re nice. They usually have a handful of crownsguard stationed to each, but it’s not like they’re under intense watch. There aren’t a lot of worshipers during certain times of the day. LAURA: Is there any one that seems emptier than other ones? MATT: Of all of them, I would say it would be the Raven’s Den, which is at the Ossuary Gates, which is the large, vast graveyard of most of the higher-ranked families of this city. The Matron of Ravens’ temple is the one that’s least attended, largely because, dealing with death, it’s not as bright and welcoming to the common folk. LAURA: Could I try to get in there when nobody’s in there? MATT: Okay. You wait for a while, and see a moment where it is relatively calm. The outside of the shrine is this iron obsidian archway that stretches up about 20 feet to frame a small shrine, topped with a statue of the Matron, and her ravens about her, this circle of ravens that curves around. You see the female figure standing in stone, the sculpture of the porcelain face– the only material that’s not the same as the darkened stone around her– it’s a white porcelain mask that is affixed to the front of the statue. At the base of it, you can see a number of bowls and offerings that have been left around from people that have come and passed through. Beyond that, there is a door to the small shrine behind it, it’s this small structure. Maybe 20 feet by ten feet. It’s not a very large shrine. You’ve seen groups of people that function as morticians, in long dark robes and dark clothing, that have entered and exited this facility. You wait for a while, as there is one body that’s being interred at a family plot, and then as they all begin to scatter, you see a few other leave, and at that moment, the interior, from what you can tell, is empty, or at least you’ve watched three individuals leave. LAURA: Can I get in my disguise kit and affix a mustache onto her porcelain mask, and put a wig on her, and then write across the bottom of it “The Traveler was here,” and leave a pamphlet? MATT: You can certainly try. LAURA: I want to see as much as I can do in that amount of time before anybody comes back. MATT: Sleight of hand for the mustache. LAURA: Oh no. Off to a good start. Nine. MATT: As you leap up onto the statue, and go to affix the mustache to it, a voice over by the shrine says, “Excuse me? Excuse me!” LAURA: Oh hello, yes? MATT: You see a pale young man, short blonde hair, emerge with a similar dark robe that you didn’t see in the inside of the shrine. He goes “Could you please– you’re not allowed to climb the statue. LAURA: There was a smudge on her face, and I know that the people get really pissed when there’s stuff on their statues. I was trying to clean it off for you. MATT: "I appreciate that– Well, thank you. It’s just– considered– LAURA: I rub my arm across it to try and clean it off. MATT: "Thank you so much.” LAURA: I think I got it though! Don’t worry. MATT: “I appreciate that.” LAURA: I’m going to sit here and worship her now. That’s all. MATT: “Please do. Please I can pray with you if you’d like.” LAURA: Oh, that’d be great. MATT: He sits down next to you and you both silently sit there, on your knees, and begin to pray quietly up to the Queen. You watch as one raven looks down over you both. Soon as he looks up and finishes his prayer, he extends his hand for a moment and it takes off. LAURA: Does that always happen when you pray to this lady? MATT: “Not often, but perhaps she smiles upon you.” LAURA: She does. I know she does because she likes me so much because I worship her real good. MATT: “All right. Well, have a good day.” He gets up. LAURA: You too. MATT: At this point, the rest of the funeral procession is now returning to the shrine. LAURA: Shit. Damn it! Is there anything to tuck a pamphlet into? MATT: Oh yeah, you can tuck it under any of the various offering bowls. LAURA: Yeah, I’ll do that at least. TALIESIN: There’s literally a cadaver that just went into the building. Not to give you ideas. MATT: Now you know, perhaps another time you can come by and try it again. LAURA: Yes, I’m going to try some other time. MATT: Anything else you wish to do over the next few days? TALIESIN: I would like to try some chemical altered states. SAM: Oh god. TALIESIN: It’s time to have a good night. MARISHA: Wait is this with the shrooms? TALIESIN: Yeah! SAM: Just you alone? MARISHA: Wait, what night are you doing this? TALIESIN: Probably the celebratory first night. TRAVIS: What time are you starting? TALIESIN: Oh, just before dusk. MARISHA: I’ll join you. LIAM: What is the nature of the goods that you have? TALIESIN: I have no idea. MATT, SAM, and LAURA: Skein. MARISHA: No, we bought those magic mushrooms. MATT: No, it’s a fungal powder. TRAVIS: Hey Caleb, you want to take a look at the pouch? MATT: Skein, I’ve heard many arguments over the pronunciation. SAM: It’s a real thing? You didn’t make it up? MATT: No, the word is a real thing. It’s a weaving term. LIAM: If I take a look at this skein, can I take a guess at what kind of illicit material I’m looking at? MATT: It’s a fungus. Make a medicine check. LIAM: Yeah, I have bad experience with fungus. LAURA: I can do a medicine check. Do you want me to look at it? LIAM: Medicine you say? That is a 13. MATT: It looks to be a fungus of some sort with a property to it. LIAM: Yeah, I don’t have good association with that. You take that back. TALIESIN: There’s only enough for two other people to take it. MARISHA: Well, I have mine. Then you bought some too, right? TRAVIS: I’m holding it in my fucking hand. Don’t you see it? MARISHA: Wait, how much is that? ASHLEY: No, you guys go. TRAVIS: I’m not going to take it. I was letting you know I’m bought it. ASHLEY: Oh well here. I always partake what– LAURA: I mean we could poison somebody later. That would be fun. TALIESIN: Well, it’s a little late, because I already took mine. I’m waiting to see what’s happening. MARISHA: Wait. When Beau hears that she goes– MATT: Two of them have taken it. TALIESIN: Whoever’s sober, keep us out of trouble. MARISHA: Yasha! ASHLEY: Well, there’s something I need to go do. You guys get started and I’ll– MARISHA: (shouting) Oh no, Yasha you always do this, no! (laughter) TALIESIN: Somehow she knows you, you always do this. MARISHA: Bullshit! ASHLEY: I know, but you know I always take it and I never feel anything. (laughter) MARISHA: (shouting) Where do you go, Yasha? TALIESIN: I’m excited. MATT: The two of you that have ingested the skein– Ten minutes pass, and the edges of your vision begin to cloud, and as you sit for a moment your body begins to feel a bit weird. Nausea creeps in a bit. Then, a very faint snow of dust in your vicinity begins to coat. You know the Upside Down? Where there’s that weird material floating around. LAURA: Like Legend? MATT: A little bit. Only for about ten feet out to you. It’s a ten foot area around you, and the coloration of your vision in this area becomes a gray, colorless, black, white, and gray tone. I need you both to make a wisdom saving throw. TALIESIN: Oh yeah. MARISHA: (shouting) This sucks. LAURA: Can I look at the stuff? TRAVIS: Yeah, here. TALIESIN: A wisdom saving throw? 15. MATT: 15? Okay. MARISHA: I’m going to say: Don’t fuck me Gil! Oh, okay. Just a wisdom saving throw? 17. MATT: The effects of it: you resist the hour long stun it would have held you in, as it is not a healthy thing to ingest under any circumstances. It is a very dangerous substance. For the duration, the two of you can see into the Ethereal Plane out to ten feet. TALIESIN: I’m going walking. LAURA: Wait, what? TALIESIN: Who wants to go to a cemetery right now? SAM: Wait it takes them to the Ethereal Plane? MATT: They can see into the Ethereal Plane out to a range of ten feet. TALIESIN: I’m going to put on my least interesting cloak, and I’m going to go find myself a cemetery. MARISHA: I flip my blue cloak inside out to the brown side. TRAVIS: I don’t know where they’re going, but I think we got to babysit them. LIAM: (distorted) How do you guys feel? ASHLEY: How do you feel? Do you see anything? Is it interesting? MARISHA: I think it sucks. TALIESIN: We’re going to work on it though. TRAVIS: Are you guys going on a walk? MATT: It’s not quite like that. MARISHA: You can see really cool things. MATT: As this happens, this translucent piranha-faced serpent scoots by, this ghastly looking angler fish creature like– (gasping breathing). LIAM: “Hey Steve.” TALIESIN: I’m going for a walk. MARISHA: Molly, how long does this last? TALIESIN: I have no idea. MARISHA: Fuck. This is it. This is the rest of our lives. LIAM: Are we saying this is night one, of a couple of days of piddling around? MARISHA: I thought that this was the first night, and this was our celebratory night. MATT: Yeah, this is more of a downtime period, so I’m trying to get through events. TALISEN: I’m grabbing a little drink downstairs, and then I’m going to go walk in whatever direction seems the most interesting shit outside is in. MARISHA: I join Molly. TRAVIS: I’m babysitting them. LAURA: I’m going to follow behind and throw pebbles at them from behind. MATT: In the best interest of keeping a low profile for the next few days, you both wander out into the city streets, altered on– MARISHA: In our hoods and our boring cloaks! MATT: As you guys begin to wander through the Interstead Sprawl, once again, the strange shapes pass through your peripheral. You occasionally hear this chattering and distant chuckling, this weird alien laughter. There seems like drifting spiritual energy that freezes your blood as you pass by. It’s a really uncomfortable sensation. For about an hour or so you wander in this space. At the end of the hour I need both of you to make a constitution saving throw. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: Glad I got another pouch of this stuff, could come in handy. TALIESIN: This could come in handy. MARISHA: Just a saving throw? TALIESIN: 18. LIAM: Yeah! MARISHA: 20. MATT: You feel your body begin to grow woozy, and for a second you feel like you’re about to black out and pass out but you catch yourself, and the sensation passes, your vision returns to normal, and it has run its course. You didn’t discern or learn much, and you feel exhausted. Your body is pretty strained by the process. TALIESIN: Drink and a bathhouse? MARISHA: I’ve got such cottonmouth. TALIESIN: You know what just occurred to me? I didn’t have a childhood. I’ve never said that out loud to someone before. MARISHA: Mmm. What happens if you have a childhood, but it’s barely a childhood because it was supposed to be someone else’s childhood, but it was you instead? Is that a childhood? TALIESIN: What happened to you? LAURA: We’re following behind you guys right here. TRAVIS: Let’s get you to a bathhouse. You were eating dirt about ten minutes ago. Said it was snow. MARISHA: Is that why I have cotton mouth? Ah goddamn it! TRAVIS: Yeah, you got a big mud goatee. TALIESIN: I’m so proud of you. You did so well. MARISHA: Well, I saw this goatman and he told me just don’t eat the yellow snow and you’d be okay. MATT: You get the essence, being one who’s in tune with your body, and you as well, that this is definitely not a safe substance. MARISHA: This is definitely not a safe substance. MATT: It may have, with the right scenario, some situationally beneficial properties. MARISHA: I still have half a dose. I think it would be real funny to plant it on somebody and get them busted later. TRAVIS: Was it a powder, or was it like crumbles? MATT: It’s like a crumbled, dry, almost a spongy– LAURA: You guys looked like idiots, just so you know. TRAVIS: Shall we get you cleaned up? LAURA: We need to get Nott cleaned up, too. TRAVIS: Nott cleaned up? LAURA: Yeah Nott’s covered in ash. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, everybody, let’s take a bath. ASHLEY: Can I have tried to find any information on the conflict on the Xhorhas border? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: Why you so interested, huh? LIAM: Yeah, I have shit to do as well, party animals. MARISHA: Don’t judge me. LIAM: I judge you heavily. ASHLEY: Six. MATT. You’re not the best at gathering Information. Maybe it’s the– ASHLEY: It’s how I talk to people. MATT: (shouting) “Tell me what you know!” ASHLEY: (deep voice) Hey! Conflict! Xhorhas?! Tell me. MATT: You don’t glean a lot of details. Most folks tend to steer clear and walk to the other side of the road when they see you coming. What you do get to hear is that– Amongst the Ashkeeper Peaks, the mountains that largely border the south and eastern side of The Empire, to the north, there is that break. That’s where the Ashguard Garrison is and the Rockguard Garrison. That’s where most of the battle takes place. That’s the protection border that The Empire holds to keep the Xhorhasian hordes and creatures from the waste to wander in. Although many still filter through the mountains and such. Apparently there’s been rising conflict out there. ASHLEY: To the north? MATT: Assaults on the garrisons, yeah. Northeast of where you are. Further east more, east, little bit north. You have a map. You can look. You guys bought a map. LAURA: Hey, you want to see this map? You’re not with me. LIAM: This is an entire three day weekend. MATT: Yeah, this is throughout a week so if you wanted to pull the map out– LIAM: Pull it out! MATT: I don’t know where you guys put the map. You have a physical map. TRAVIS: Yeah, whip it out and shove it in his hand. LAURA: It’s over there somewhere. MATT: Go get it. Or somebody other than the pregnant woman go get it. LIAM: No. Not as fun. MARISHA: Blood flow, she’s fine. LIAM: Yeah, she’s got to walk. MARISHA: She’s pregnant. She’s not dead! MATT: Correct. The conflict has been more common. There’s been assaults on the garrison. It seems similar to what you heard wandering through the street before, there have been more whispers of children being stolen in the night from homesteads close to the border. LAURA: (whispering) Hide yo kids. MARISHA: (whispering) Hide yo wives. LAURA: I found the map, you guys! I had it somewhere safe. MATT: To the east, you can see the garrisons, and the gap that leads to the Xhorhasian side. LAURA: This is the Xhorhas side. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, look at that. I don’t think I’ve ever been there before. ASHLEY: There’s the Ashkeep. LAURA: Ooh, the Brokenveil Bluffs look scary. MATT: Anything else you guys want to do? LIAM: Ja, I have just enough ink and paper to learn one spell, in the big pile of spells that I have right now, so I’m adding a low level one. I am penniless. SAM: I will gladly give you money, but first– I’m going to cast Disguise Self, and turn myself into looking just like a normal halfling little girl and spend an hour at a cafe just having lunch and being a normal person. LAURA and LIAM: Aww. SAM: Then after that, I’m going to go, and is there any place if I investigate for a while, is there any place, or service, or person, or anything that can send a package long distance safely? Money being no object. MATT: There are a few facilities in which there is a parcel system that travels between the larger cities and can go to outskirt cities, but those are a little more expensive. Yeah, that does exist. SAM: How much to get a package to Felderwin? MATT: To Felderwin? How big a package? For a week’s worth of travel, it’ll cost you about five gold, not too much. SAM: Five gold? MATT: It’s a fairly upper end system to send a package. SAM: Pretty good, actually. That’s cheap. MATT: For you guys, yeah, for the average person, it’s not cheap. LIAM: Ten games ago, though. SAM: I’ll pay for rush delivery. MATT: There is no rush delivery. They can only go by the speed of horse. SAM: I’ll get insurance! TRAVIS and SAM: Certified. MATT: Tracking number included. SAM: Yes, thank you. I’ll write a note, and I’ll put in various items. TRAVIS: Like what? SAM: A bunch of buttons, all the rings, door knob, brass baby bottle, all the ball bearings, and the two bracelets. MATT: All righty. I think I know where you’re sending it, so. All righty. SAM: And some money. MATT: How much? SAM: 50. MATT: 50 gold. You assemble this package, wrap it up, I imagine disguise yourself once more. Paying five gold for delivery, the parcel is sent and on its way to Felderwin. All righty, anybody else? LIAM: Well, a couple of things, so I need more ink and paper, the kind to transcribe spells. Before I get to that, and before they go off on their drug party. Yes, before Jester goes. MATT: Not a party. MARISHA and MATT: Bad idea. LIAM: It has only been a short amount of time that I am thinking, and I will be very careful, with the bag. LAURA: Are you coming onto me? LIAM: I was going to ask if I could hold the Haversack and its contents for a day, so that I could better inspect and understand the thing that– LAURA: Why do you have to do that? It’s pink! It’s mine! I paid for it! LIAM: I understand that. I don’t want to keep the bag. I want to have it before you go off to do, I don’t know, maybe you’re going on a tour or something? LAURA: I’m not going to do anything. Do you want to hang out with me, and then you can look in the bag with me? LIAM: Aren’t you about to go out with them? You told me you were leaving. LAURA: I don’t know what you’re talking about. LIAM: Well, all right, I would love to inspect our special package and try to understand it better, if you want to be present for that– LAURA: There’s a lot of people that inspect their special packages. You get to know yourself real good, Caleb. LIAM: I know you are going to drag me over the coals for this request, and that is fine. I would like the dungeon master to fast forward to the part where you tell me if you will allow me to inspect the contents of this Haversack. LAURA: Yeah. You want to look at it? LIAM: Do you want to do this together? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll hang out with you. I really want to see it, too. LIAM: On a different night, maybe tomorrow night, because you just told me you were about to go out with Molly. LAURA: Then maybe I’ll keep it now, and then I’ll come back tomorrow night and we’ll do this again. LIAM: Just inspect what’s in the bag. LAURA: Special packages and everything like that. I leave to go on to watch them. (laughter) LIAM: When she leaves, I look to the mirror in my room and I’m like red-faced, and I stare at myself, like dead expression, for a good 30 seconds. (laughter) LIAM: Then I find Nott. LAURA: I’ll go see you again tomorrow. I come back. Hey, okay, do you want to check this out now? LIAM: What, are you back already? No, wait a second! I’m talking to Nott, in this part of the day. MATT: Yeah, we’ll come back. You find Nott. LIAM: I’m really blushing. How much disposable income do you have at the moment? SAM: Disposable? I have 285 gold, and therefore, disposable: 280. LIAM: Would you possibly loan me 200 gold? SAM: Here’s 280 gold. LAURA: (whispering) You need 50 still to send in your package. SAM: Already done. LAURA: Oh! How much money did you have? LIAM: I don’t think I need that much. SAM: Give me the change when you’re done spending. LIAM: I will give you the change. Thank you, friend. I will pay you back. SAM: Fine. Or not. LIAM: Thank you for teaching me how to– and I pull out the wire and back up 20 feet across the room. Whisper: teaching me this spell. You can reply to this message. SAM: Oh! You’re welcome, young padawan. LIAM: You know the thing about it for us is, we can go– SAM: You have to cast it again! LIAM: No, we can go back and forth over and over again, just you and me. It’s endless. SAM: Oh, you’re right! It’s forever. It’s a little muffled. LIAM: For the other Dummkopfs it’s only, they can say one thing back, but you and I, we can keep going. SAM: This is really good. I can also hear you across the room though. LIAM: I know. I understand, but for demonstration purposes. SAM: Sure. LIAM: Well, thank you. SAM: Good job. Over and out. LIAM: I will go to Mr. Sol’s establishment. (phone trilling) LIAM: That’s the sound the door makes when you enter Pumat’s store! MATT: Yeah. Where are you going? LIAM: To Pumat’s to buy ink and paper. MATT: Easy enough to do. “You go ahead and purchase enough materials as you need to get your spells there transcribed. Good on you.” LIAM: Thank you. I buy 200 gold worth and I bring Nott the 85 gold change. MATT: Sure enough. ASHLEY: May I sell my other sword? MATT: “You may. It’s not going to fetch you too much because it’s seen a lot of use. ” ASHLEY: I sharpen it. It’s so sharp. I sharpen it every night. MATT: “That’s wonderful. I think in the long run, that’ll be a very useful feature, but it’s also not that uncommon of an object– ” ASHLEY: It’s touched by the moon. MATT: “Yeah. I’m touched by the sun every morning.” (laughter) MATT: “I’ll happily give you 30 gold pieces for that there sword, if you don’t mind?” ASHLEY: I paid all of my money for this, and it was so much more than that. MATT: “Well, that’s the nature of business. I’m afraid.” Make a persuasion check, if you want. Your persuasion pity roll. ASHLEY: 11. MATT: “All of your money?” ASHLEY: Yeah. It actually was. MATT: “I’ll take it off your hands for 40.” ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. MATT: “All right. We’ll find a good home for it. I trust you on that.” ASHLEY: Okay. Thank you, Pumat. MATT: “No problem.” TRAVIS: (whispers) Always remember your first one. ASHLEY: (whispers) It wasn’t my first sword. TRAVIS: (whispers) Well, shit. SAM: Is my flask done? MATT: Your flask is done. SAM: Yes! MATT: A Flask of Endless Alcohol. SAM: Wow. That’s not an item on DnD Beyond. MATT: No, but it’ll be an item on your person tomorrow. When I get in there to customize it. It’ll be waiting for you. MARISHA: I’ll wake up in the morning, early after my drug hangover, and make my way, quietly. MATT: Quite a headache. MARISHA: Quite a headache! Coffee, the bacon that I had in my pocket from yesterday. MATT: Pocket bacon! It’s the best kind! MARISHA: I head to the Cobalt Reserve. MATT: Cobalt Soul. Cobalt Reserve is on Tal'Dorei. MARISHA: Sorry, the Cobalt Soul branch in Zadash. MATT: All righty. You head to the Archive. What would you like to do? MARISHA: I’ll see if I can find Dairon. MATT: All right. You ask around for a bit. Some of the various monks recognize you on entry, and they greet you with an acknowledging nod. You didn’t make a lot of friends while you were here, of course. MARISHA: Sup? MATT: However, you do come across Archivist Xenoth who, as you’re asking the question, one of the monks sends you over to Xenoth. He goes, “Oh, Beauregard. It’s good to see you.” MARISHA: Hey! MATT: “How may we help you?” MARISHA: Is Dairon in? MATT: “I can go and inquire. Are you here for more training?” MARISHA: Just find Dairon. Thank you. MATT: He looks genuinely spooked by the smile and is like, “That’s something. Manners! That’s new. I’m proud of– ” MARISHA: Just go find Dairon. MATT: “Right, all right.” He turns around and ascends up one of the slowly curving staircases that is carved through one of the bookshelves. You see a bookshelf that ends and then a further depth in and there’s a staircase that rides up to the top. There’s a second level above. He’s gone for about 15 or so minutes and then eventually descends the stairs. From behind, you can see Dairon. Her dark skin over the shoulders draped in this long cloak-vest, similar to the arraignments you wear, but with a deep gray. Her at-home wear. As she steps down, her elvish features smiling, her eyes taking acknowledgement of your presence, approaches you. “You have called for me.” MARISHA: Talk in private? MATT: “Of course. This way,” and Dairon walks past. Xenoth goes, “It was good to see you, Beauregard!” MARISHA: Bye, Xenoth! MATT: Dairon leads you to one of the meeting chambers, which is usually used for research and individuals that want to quietly read through books or take notes. Dairon closes the door behind, and it’s just the two of you. “So what are the honors?” MARISHA: Just want to let you know I’m in town and busy. MATT: “Good. I’ve heard. You are making a small name for yourself with your friends.” MARISHA: Is that good or bad? MATT: “I don’t know, is it?” MARISHA: I don’t know. It’s hard to read you. MATT: “Good. I’ve worked hard to not be easy to read. I’ll tell you one thing: being invisible can get you in some doors that otherwise you could not, but notoriety can get you in doors that you couldn’t otherwise as well. Either path has its benefits; the choice is yours which to take.” MARISHA: You don’t think the two could be mutually exclusive? Or best of both worlds? MATT: (chuckles) “With enough training and discipline, maybe. Two things, unfortunately, you lack.” MARISHA: Hey! MATT: “In time, perhaps. So why are you here? Just to tell me you’re in town?” MARISHA: No, that I’m back and I’m dedicated. I figured showing up would be good, you know? MATT: “That is good. I’m proud of you. Do you wish to train?” MARISHA: Do you have time? MATT: “I always have time.” MARISHA: My kind of woman. Let’s go. MATT: “All right.” Dairon leads you out of the chamber and down below the archive where, as you recall, is the subterranean training boxes for the monks in which you have sand pits, you have all sorts of assembled– essentially– the word escapes me– A series of things you have to climb– MARISHA: Obstacle course? MATT: Thank you! An obstacle course– my brain is not working right now, at the moment. Obstacle courses, and places that are designed to help you gain more skill in advancing through urban and exterior vicinities. It looks like a parkour park a little bit, but not– there in that space, you and Dairon spend the better part of the afternoon– her essentially beating the shit out of you via these courses, showing you some better placement of your applications of Extract Aspects, hearing tales about the things you’ve encountered, and teaching you the importance of the specific bits of information that is most useful in the heat of battle– advancing this training and giving you a little more focused idea of the path that you have been taking, and the path that you are going. MARISHA: I tell her about the Xhorhasian spies and the terrorist that we encountered. Does she seem like she knew that knowledge or not? MATT: She knew that they had come through; she is caught off guard that you had actually encountered them directly. Dairon says, “Interesting. I will take this into my studies.” MARISHA: They said they were looking for an artifact. Something that the wizards here had stolen? Something that they said furthered their bloodline and made sure that they furthered their population. I don’t know. Do you know anything about it? MATT: Dairon goes from this very cold exterior. For the first moment, you see a brief crack of emotion, and she leans in. “Whatever those things told you, do not trust it. Do not take it as anything but desire to conquer and kill.” MARISHA: Why else would they attack the tower if they weren’t looking for something specific? MATT: “Oh, I’m sure they were looking for something. Do not show pity for these things.” MARISHA: I never said I show pity. I wanted to know what the hell this artifact was that they were after. Figured you here at the Cobalt Soul would know. MATT: “Unfortunately, the detailed business of the Cerberus Assembly is very carefully guarded and outside of our jurisdiction, but we’re doing our best to keep an eye in case anything slips through the cracks. They do a lot of good, but I don’t trust a mage that powerful.” MARISHA: We wouldn’t have any records on some Xhorhasian artifact that apparently keeps them alive? MATT: “None that I’ve come across.” MARISHA: All right. MATT: “Keep your ear out. If you encounter another one of these things– these objects– or at worse, another one of these Cricks, bring what it has, bring it to us.” MARISHA: All right. Thank you, Dairon. MATT: “Of course. I may not be here in a month or so–” MARISHA: What? MATT: “I’m going to travel to Bladegarden. See what I can gather on the front lines. With these conflicts escalating, I wish to be informed as to who’s in charge there and perhaps what dangers might be creeping further into the empire.” MARISHA: This Bloodgarden in the northeast side? MATT: “Bladegarden is outside of where the garrisons are, yes. It’s where most of the main military is held.” MARISHA: Well, I still have a lot of training, so come back alive, I guess. MATT: (chuckles) “I’ve survived long enough. Anyway, one more round of sparring?” MARISHA: Sure! MATT: With that, you and Dairon continue to trade blows and continue the lessons throughout the day. TRAVIS: That’s awesome. I want to do that obstacle course. MARISHA: I go back and join the rest. MATT: Anything else anyone wants to do? TRAVIS: (whispering) Dodecahedron, next night! LAURA: Yeah, I go knocking on his door the next night. LIAM: I buy all that ink and paper and I spend the rest of that day learning a small handful of new spells, which are in the Rolodex now, and then the next night– LAURA: (rapidly knocking) LIAM: Ja, hallo. LAURA: (still knocking) Hello! LIAM: Are you coming in? Come in, it’s open. SAM: This is night time? MATT: At this point, sure. SAM: I am definitely in the room. LAURA: (seductively) Hello Caleb. Hello Nott. SAM: (suspiciously) Hi. (laughter) LAURA: Caleb and I have a date to talk about his special package. SAM: Do you need some privacy? LAURA: No, we’re good. I open up the haversack and pull out the box. LIAM: We are going to attempt to examine the football, as it were. You can remain if you like. Are you curious yourself? SAM: Sure, you might need me to heal you. LIAM: To the best– ooh, that’s a good idea. You know, to the best of my knowledge, this is– and it’s limited– this is a very powerful thing, and we are taking a risk– LAURA: Okay. LIAM: –but one that I think is worthwhile. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Are you still game? LAURA: (clenching) Yes! LIAM: All right. We put the lead box on the floor. Let’s leave it in the lead box, but we’ll lift the lid. LAURA: That’s probably good, because people are still looking for it probably, so it’s probably stupid that we’re fucking with it right now. LIAM: It is a calculated risk and we are going to do this. We are not going to take a lot of time. SAM: It’s nice that you guys are talking about your limitations and setting your expectations before you go into this together. There’s some word that you need, like a safe-thing? LIAM: Yes, the safe word is Fjord, so if shit goes pear-shaped, and one of us says Fjord, get Fjord. SAM: Sure. LAURA: Yes. Are you going to go all like (tonal sound) while you look at it, or are you going to be normal? LIAM: Truthfully, I have no idea. LAURA: Okay, cool. LIAM: You game? LAURA: Totally game. LIAM: Okay, I am not coming on to you, but will you hold my hand while we do this, that way if we– (laughter) I cannot even look at you– I cannot believe I am doing this experiment with you. Let’s not cover the camera, and let’s examine it together, and if we go to the Nine Hells or something, at least we’ll be there together in theory. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: We are going to look at this thing. MATT: Both of you, or just you? LIAM: I don’t know. I am looking at it. LAURA: I’m looking at Caleb. (laughter) MATT: All right. As you focus on the strange artifact, concentrating on it, you feel your vision drawn towards it. Part of you feels like your body’s leaning forward, like you’re about to hit your forehead, but Caleb hasn’t moved at all. LAURA: Oh, okay. MATT: Caleb hasn’t moved, but from your perspective, you feel like– and then suddenly, you feel like you’re within the dodecahedron, and like previously, suddenly there’s this loss of light, and stars begin to peek out around you. MATT: You see shapes and forms of purples and blues, these amorphous clouds that drift by on a scale that you cannot comprehend. You see darkened spheres and objects passing you as you drift into nothing, into this void with distant dots of light and sparkle. You get to that point you were before, where you feel like there’s a threshold, and your heart begins to race. Do you continue? LIAM: (whispers) Yeah. LAURA: I’ve got his hand. MATT: As you continue past that threshold, the speed begins to increase. LAURA: (excitedly) Oh no! MATT: You feel the back of your neck begin to grow warm and the hair begin to stand up. While you cannot see, you can still sense your body’s presence– unmoving, but moving so quickly, this duel sensation is conflicting and causing your heart rate to jump. Your breathing begins to speed up. You guys watch as his breathing begins to increase. There, you see this faint gray glow approach and stop. Your speed comes to a slow crawl and then halts. There before you, you see this tiny, little mote of gray, pulsing light; a similar undulating pulse as the dodecahedron itself (heartbeat) before you. What do you do? LAURA: (growling) What do you do? SAM: (grumbling noises) LIAM: (long pause) Do you know if it’s achievable? MATT: No response. It looks like it’s right there, but a foot in front of you. LIAM: There’s nothing about it that is sensible or familiar; it’s totally alien to me? MATT: It is immediacy and forever; it is an ancient concept of possibility. As you ask these questions and begin to contemplate, the loop of your thought process begins to cycle on itself, and you have to shake your head not to be lost in this infinity that threatens to suddenly disperse you. Still, it is this tiny, gray thing before you, and it seems to want your contact. LAURA: (whispering) Lick it! MATT: You look down and you can see your hand in front of you. LIAM: Father and mother– I hope I do not let you down. MATT: As you reach out and touch, you guys watch as this– LAURA: Did we hear him talking? MATT: You hear him talking. You see a faint mote of gray begin to drift out of the dodecahedron, and then it floats and enters and vanishes into the chest of Caleb. TRAVIS and LAURA: Oh shit! MATT: Caleb, you feel this tiny mote come into your hand, and then you pull it to your chest, and you feel this warmth, and for a second probability becomes slightly malleable. This object is still so much more than what you understand; its power is indecipherable on the scale of your puny, mortal knowledge, but you do know that somehow, by reaching out to this device, you’ve managed to pull within yourself a Fragment of Possibility. SAM: What does that mean? Fragment of Possibility? LAURA: It means he’s lucky again. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s the Luck feat all over again! MATT: Just so you guys know– well, he’ll tell you when he gets around to it. SAM: No he won’t! He will never tell us! TRAVIS: Come on! Dish. MATT: That’s up to him to tell in the story. LIAM: It’s a big paper. Let me read it. LAURA: Did we get it too because we were holding his hand? MATT: No. The moment that that enters his chest, Caleb pulls his hand from you. Caleb, your eyes adjust, and you’re back in the room with your friends. LAURA: (whispering) Damn it. SAM: Caleb, are you okay? You went skinky-doodle for a second. Are you all right? Hello? Hello, Wildemount to Caleb? LIAM: I’m wide-eyed and not responding. SAM: He can’t speak anymore, he’s forgotten– LAURA: Caleb, we heard you talking, though. Are you okay? Caleb? SAM: Eins! Zwei! Drei! He’s forgotten all language. LAURA: Uno, dos, tres. Quatro. LIAM: I’m literally trying to read this and failing because of my friends. SAM: Quick. Make out with him. True love’s kiss is the only thing that will bring him back. LAURA: I think he seems like he’s pretty okay, though. SAM: Just make out with him! ASHLEY: (laughter) True love’s kiss. LAURA: I don’t know. MARISHA: Focus past the distractions. TRAVIS: Or you could just tell us. LAURA: You could read it out loud you know. TALIESIN: What’s it say? MARISHA: Never. He’s never going to tell us. MATT: Player privilege, unfortunately. He’s the one who that looked into it. If he doesn’t tell you soon, I’ll tell you, but– LIAM: That’s your right– I literally still don’t know what it does because everyone is talking constantly. LAURA: If you read it out loud then we’ll shut up. TRAVIS: Yeah, we’ll share in this adventure with you. LAURA: That’s right! Then we can all be a team. LIAM: The dodecahedron of gray faintly glowing crystal is heavier than it appears. This is peer pressure. A set of handles are affixed to the sides and it undulates to the touch. That’s all you get. If a hand is placed on the artifact and is concentrated on for one minute, the bearer is granted a Fragment of Possibility. A Fragment lasts for eight hours or until used. A Fragment cannot be granted again until the next dawn. After a creature with a Fragment of Possibility makes an attack roll, ability check, or saving throw they can expend their Fragment to roll an additional d20 and choose which of the rolls is used for the attack roll. MATT: Once per day it can grant one person a luck point. LAURA: We can pass it around! LIAM: Ultimately, after an attack roll is made against a creature they can expend their Fragment of Possibility to roll and additional d20 to see if the attacker hits. MARISHA: You’re like chipping away at it? Like an ice sculpture? LIAM: It is like one luck. That lasts for eight hours. MATT: It grants you this mote of energy. LAURA: We could literally– we could each of us every day pass it to a different person and then we could concentrate on it and we could have the Fragment. LIAM: Am I able to tell if that is correct? MATT: It gives you– the Fragment only lasts for eight hours. You can only give out one Fragment per day, so– LIAM: Any one of us, one time. It can only grant this gift once a day to one of us. MATT: Correct, yes. It could be the same person every day or it could be a different person. It gives you the chance that this could be used by anybody in your group. LIAM: I absentmindedly babble about what I think this thing can do. It’s very incoherent. LAURA: Why were you talking about your mom and your dad, though? (silence) LAURA: Was that a weird question? Should I have not asked that? SAM: I mean, it was on my mind, but I wasn’t going to bring it up. (laughter) LIAM: What did I say? What do you mean? LAURA: You said, “Mom and Dad I hope that I make you proud–” SAM: Or don’t disappoint you. LAURA: “–and I don’t disappoint you and stuff,” and also, “gee whiz, I should probably take baths more often.” SAM: That’s not– not that part. LAURA: Well you were going to say that and then the gray thing went into you. LIAM: Okay. SAM: You said, “Oh I wish I could share my problems with my friends.” LAURA: Yeah, that’s what you’re saying. I remember hearing that part. (laughter) LIAM: What? That is a very common sentiment. Isn’t it? SAM: It is. LAURA: If you ever want to talk about it you can just come to us! LIAM: Good to know. LAURA: We’re super good at talking, both of us! LIAM: That is true. For both of you. LAURA: Tomorrow I want the thingy okay? LIAM: Well you are in possession of it for the most part. I said I wanted to have a look at it. LAURA: You’re right. I am. LIAM: We can take turns with it. We will decide. SAM: We don’t have to tell the others about this, do we? I mean we’re supposed to be a team. LIAM: By the way, I shut the lead cover on the box. Let’s put it back in. LAURA: (gasping) Oh my gods! What if, now that the gray thing is in you, the wizards in town will be able to sense you? SAM: What? Why would that– no! LAURA: Maybe you should be in the lead case now. LIAM: That’s not how that works. LAURA: Are you sure, though? LIAM: I am sure, yeah. Also, with the knowledge that I have and everything that just happened, am I aware– the gray more that went inside me. Would I know, does that limit this thing’s ability to me? Or no? MATT: What do you mean? LIAM: Well in the description, DM, you said this gray mote went into Caleb, not into them. Can anyone use this thing? MATT: Anyone can use it. LIAM: Good. All right. Just checking. LAURA: The next day the gray thing will go in someone else. LIAM: Right. It’s like the little, you know, when you’re learning lyrics for karaoke and the little thing bounces along. SAM: We all know what that experience is like. LIAM: Yeah, I think this is a very potent thing, and we can use it to do a lot of good. You know, not in the heat of the moment to try to hit a gnoll in the face with something, but when we are really trying to figure something out or do the unachievable. LAURA: Or if like you really want to put a mustache on a fucking statue. SAM: You need extra luck for that. LIAM: That’s a good hypothetical. LAURA: Yeah, just in case you ever wanted to do that. SAM: Can I just say, real quick, before we adjourn, there was something that you were reluctant to do because of your own personal fears, and you entrusted Jester to inspire you to do something that was possibly uncomfortable for you, and it worked out great! I think that moving forward if you want to just go for it! As long as you have trusted friends with you, then that would be a good option to do. LIAM: That was a lot of advice. I mean, it is no secret that I like these people, so we are in good company. This is working out. You are, you know, you are capable– oh dear. I’m going to go to bed now. LAURA: Your son is just the cutest. SAM: He’s not my son! LIAM: Definitely heard that. Awkward and weird and makes no sense but I will– oh, this is my room! You have to go to your room! LAURA: (sing-song) Okay, well goodnight then! LIAM: Goodnight. LAURA: Goodnight, Caleb– If you need anything I’ll just be in another room– SAM: Get out! Just go! Just leave! MATT: The following day, through your various lowkey journeys, you catch another town crier wandering through the town, shouting, “Murderers of the High-Richter brought to justice. By the crown’s protective eye, Zadash is free from these treacherous cut-throats!” LAURA: Who was it? SAM: Who was it who killed her? MATT: (shouting) “I don’t know! I’m just told to tell this!” SAM: (shouting) What does it say? ASHLEY: It’s all it says again! MATT: (fearful shout) LIAM: This is the next morning? MATT: This is the next morning. ASHLEY: How do they give you more information? Just a headline; there’s nothing else! MATT: Over the next few days, the Crownsguard and the Righteous Brand, which is the name of the military of the Empire– the presence at the gates of Zadash has dwindled to normal. The backed up caravans and travellers begin to wash into the city once more in preparation for the Harvest Close festival, now only but a few days away. You watch as strands of linen all of the colors of autumn are affixed between street arches and lantern poles; a celebratory display, far less fancy, but more widespread than the Harvest Close Gala not but a week before in the Tri-Spires. That’s where we’re going to pick up next week! (cheering) LAURA: (singing) Victory Pit! MATT: We’re going to pick up at the Harvest Close festival! TRAVIS: Yeah! Skydive, baby. Oh shit! What is it called? It’s a–? LAURA: A Mote of Possibility? MATT: A Fragment. Fragment of Possibility. SAM: (singing) Mote of Possibility! MATT: Well done, guys. TRAVIS: Nice job, Matt! LIAM: I’m going to– no, you should hold onto this because you’ve got the Haversack. MATT: All righty, so I’ll go ahead and get those custom items over to your guys’ inventory on D&D Beyond tomorrow. SAM: Custom items? MATT: We’ll come back next week for a Harvest Close Festival. We get to have a festival. ALL: Yay! TRAVIS: Those always go well. MATT: Those always go well. It’s going to be great! SAM: Do we need to dress up, Matt? ASHLEY: Like we did for the winter festival at our home game? MATT: That’s up to you guys. You’re more than welcome to! SAM: What kind of festival? This is a winter festival? MATT: Harvest Close. It’s the end of autumn. All the colors are like reds, golds, browns, tans, yellows. MARISHA: Oktoberfest! It’s Oktoberfest, you guys. Wait, do we come in the Ren Faire gear that we own? LAURA: We’ll figure it out. TALIESIN: We’ll start a brand new text thread. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Lederhosen. MATT: Indeed. TALIESIN: I own some really nice Lederhosen. MARISHA: You do. I was with you when you bought them. TALIESIN: No– were you? Oh, that’s the other pair. MARISHA: (laughter) That’s the other pair? LIAM: Wow! TRAVIS: Only him. LAURA: That was fun, you guys. MATT: All righty! Well, we’ll pick up next week. We missed everybody who’re out watching Avengers: Infinity War, but we’re also jealous because we didn’t see it tonight. But! Seeing it tomorrow! Excited about that! Thank you for joining us. Hope you had a good time. We love you guys, we’ll see you next week, and is it Thursday yet? Good night! MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. We’ll jump into the game here shortly, but we have some quick announcements to get through. First and foremost, congratulations Sam on his Emmy win! (cheering) TRAVIS: You suck! SAM: I did it, guys! MATT: Thanks to one of our wonderful sponsors tonight, I was able to add an Emmy to his inventory from my phone just moments ago! SAM: Yeah, I’m looking in my inventory right now. It says “Emmy Award of Exempla–” It won’t tell me the rest of the title! (laughter) MATT: Exemplary Talent. SAM: It’s a wondrous item! “Rarity: Legendary. This enchanted statue was given to the finest of “creatives in the land. It’s a large thinly-coated lead icon made of cheap material.” I’m going to take a picture of that later. That’s so cool! MATT: That object brought to you by our first sponsor tonight and sponsor for the campaign thus far, our friends at D&D Beyond. Sam? SAM: Guys, as you know, this week I received many emails from fans who loved our D&D Beyond ad last week. And they told me that I had missed part of the story. To recap, our sponsor is D&D Beyond. They are contributing $100 to 826LA for every natural one we roll. Also, as part of their massive 826LA charity initiative, we’re past the $10,000 tier, so D&D Beyond has offered up the discount code “826LA” for 25% off their awesome Legendary Bundle, which includes all the digital materials available on D&D Beyond. Last week, to honor that, I had dug through the archives and found a commercial that D&D Beyond had run in the ‘80s. We did a staged reading of it. LAURA: It was great. SAM: Fans wrote in and said, “Sam, you missed part of that story.” The ad campaign in the ‘80s was not successful. However, it launched the career of the young actress who played Gail in the commercial. She was given her own spin-off sitcom on CBS. It only ran four episodes, and those episodes have been lost to time. But I was able to find the script of a promo for the sitcom starring Gail, from the D&D Beyond commercial, from the 80s! ASHLEY: Really?! SAM: Found it in the archives. We’re going to do a staged reading of this promo for this sitcom. Brought to you by D&D Beyond. I’ll be playing Announcer; reprising their roles will be Laura as the mom, Taliesin as the dad, and Ashley The Johnson as Gail. LAURA: Gail! SAM: Here we go. Picture it. You’re watching TV. It’s 8:30PM, primetime, and this promo comes on. (announcer voice) “This fall on CBS, it’s the hilarious sitcom everyone’s "stoked” about: “You’ve Got Gail!” TALIESIN: There are holes in all of my business pants! LAURA: Gail! ASHLEY: Take a chill pill, Mrs. Henderson! I need those crotches for my Home Ec project! LAURA: This says, “Sew a quilt of fabric swatches, not fabric crotches!” ASHLEY: Oops! (laughter) SAM: That lovable scamp Gail gets her foster parents, the Hendersons, into totally “gnarly” situations. TALIESIN: Did you do your chores, Gail? ASHLEY: Ch-yeah! Now I’m going to put on my British Knight Sneakers and see that brand-new movie, Labyrinth. (laughter) LAURA: Not so fast, young lady. I found my tuna casserole in the garbage. ASHLEY: No doy, Mrs. Henderson! You said, “Take out the trash,” and it was the stinkiest thing in the house. SAM: But it’s not all fun and games. You’ve Got Gail also tackles serious issues. LAURA: Gail, your friend from school was just in a car accident. She was drunk driving. ASHLEY: (quietly) Gag me with a spoon, Mrs. Henderson. TALIESIN: Yes, Gail. Gag us all with a spoon. (laughter) SAM: You won’t believe the trouble Gail gets into every Thursday night! LAURA: Gail, why didn’t you do your report on First Ladies? ASHLEY: Because current First Lady Nancy Reagan gave me some bitching advice! TALIESIN: What kind of advice did Nancy Reagan give you? ASHLEY: When teacher says, “Do your homework,” just say no! TALIESIN and LAURA: Gail! ASHLEY: Gag me with a spoon, Mr. and Mrs. Henderson! SAM: All-new You’ve Got Gail, every week right after Growing Pains and before She’s the Sheriff. Presented by D&D Beyond! (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh my god. It just gets better! SAM: The character of Gail is amazing. MATT: If Yasha ever leaves us this campaign, you already have a backup character. TRAVIS: Can I ask how you spell “doy?” SAM: D-O-Y. LIAM: I just got a text alert. They just revoked his Emmy. (laughter) TRAVIS: Due to unforeseen circumstances– MATT: Thank you, Sam. Thank you, D&D Beyond, for making this happen. We have another sponsor returning this week: our friends at Obsidian for Pillars of Eternity II: Deadfire! Super excited. First off, for those who aren’t familiar with it, Pillars of Eternity was a great RPG. Isometric, classic-style RPG for PC and console later this year. You get to return to the world of Eora. This one is on the hunt for one of the gods, Eothas, which plays into the story from the first game. You don’t have to have played the first one to play the sequel, because they have built in a way that gets you up to speed very quickly and basically choose your decisions that you start the game to still influence the story and where you’re going. A lot of the main characters in the story are voiced by us here at the table! Which is awesome. For a free DLC download, you’ll be able to download the portraits of Vox Machina as well as voice sets to use in the game for your main character and entire party. Check it out if you haven’t had a chance yet. It’s an awesome RPG series. Unbiased as I couldn’t possibly be because I was one of the first Kickstarter backers before I was even part of the game. It’s great. I really enjoyed it. Check it out if you can. It comes out next week on Tuesday, May 8th. You can order it at versusevil.com/criticalrole. They’ve released almost all the portraits so far, just in the past couple of days. They’ve released Keyleth and Grog today. LAURA: Keyleth’s was adorable! MATT: He’s a real angry–! TRAVIS: Just a Vidal Sassoon face right now. LIAM: You can see the bits of food flying out of his mouth. MATT: I believe tomorrow they unveil Gilmore. LAURA: That had been released already? MATT: Yeah. Spoiler alert. Yeah, excited for that. Thank you to our friends at Obsidian for allowing us to be part of this awesome game. LIAM: Oh man, I am going to play that game. That is saying something, because I have no time for my own physical or mental health! It’s going to happen. LAURA: I am definitely going to be playing that game, like right after the baby’s born. SAM: You’ll have time. Get a wireless headphone so you don’t wake him or her. TRAVIS: Me. Don’t wake me. SAM: Yeah. Just play. It’ll be great. MATT: All righty. Next up, we announced today that we are headed to Gen Con! We’re stoked about that. You can go to critrole.com for any of the information regarding our schedule that week. We’re going to be doing a live show on Friday, and then we’ll have panels and signings throughout the weekend. Check out critrole.com for information on our appearance there at Gen Con, and we’re excited to see you guys there. Tickets for the live show will go on sale next Tuesday, May 8th, at 10:00AM Eastern, 7:00AM Pacific. Keep tabs on our Critical Role Twitter and website for information on that. When that all goes up, we’ll let you guys know. Super excited to see you! We are also super close to our $50,000 stretch goal for our 826 charity that we’re pushing. If you can, donate now to 826LA.org/criticalrole. Every dollar you donate will be doubled, thanks to our fantastic Critter, Mark, who has been so amazing in supporting this endeavor. When we hit $50,000, I believe you will be running another one-shot. MARISHA: Another honey heist! More bears are back in town. LIAM: Make it happen. SAM: (singing) The bears are back in town! MATT: Let’s see. Friendly weekly reminder for Twitch Prime. If you have an Amazon Prime account, you can attach it to your Twitch account and you can subscribe to any Twitch channel you want to for free, once per month. If you want to support any of your fantastic Twitch streamers out there, this is a way to do so at no extra dime. Recommend it. We have new Twitch emotes available for our subscribers, including the ones from the new campaign. We also have a Nein emote for the $10 subscription tier, so there’s that. Critical Recap, if you haven’t seen the recap before this happens, you can go on YouTube and get a recap of last week’s episode by our fantastic Dani Carr. She does that every week to recap what previously happened in case you’re too busy running around to get caught up on what happened if you missed it, but you still want to be here live. Talks Machina is next Tuesday at 7 PM Pacific, where our fantastic Brian W. Foster will bring a few of us into his fold for the night to discuss what happened for tonight’s episode you’re about to watch. Oh man, we’re getting out of here. Podcast from last week is available, where all fine podcasts are available to download, so keep up with that. That’s it! We’re good! Done! Anything else? MARISHA: Nice. That was a lot. MATT: I want to get into the game. I’m impatient. Thank you for your patience. With that guys, let’s go ahead and dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Wow, you are so late on that! LIAM: Nah, it was timed about how I wanted it. MATT: Welcome back, everyone. As we watch Laura complain about her macaroni salad. LAURA: Is it like tuna in here? What’s in here? LIAM: This is the content you tuned in for. LAURA: Is there tuna in here? I think there is. TALIESIN: No one really knows. MATT: Macaroni salad is the Wild West of culinary delights. ASHLEY: It’s the tuna casserole you were talking about. LAURA: I’m not supposed to have tuna! (laughter) MATT: Daredevil Laura Bailey, ladies and gentlemen. Bringing it back in. The Mighty Nein in the city of Zadash. Long in the Dwendalian Empire, you’ve made a small name for yourself in a few factions. You’ve done a deed or two for the King’s Hall here in service of the Crown. You’ve done a deed or two with the Knights of Requital, that involved getting caught up briefly in a manhunt, as you were loosely responsible for the death of the High-Richter, the high judge of the local court. Managed to make an introductory trade, a deal if you will, with The Gentleman, this subterranean figure of not the most legal of maneuvers. You delved deep into one of the subterranean river tunnels beneath the city of Zadash for him, managed to clear out and recover materials from a long-buried research facility from the Age of Arcanum. Upon returning, the deal was solid. You managed to smuggle out Horris, who needed to be away from the town for the time being while this investigation was happening. In doing so, also managed to clear your names of the death of the High-Richter. Upon returning back, getting a few deeds done, now waiting for this to blow over, and hearing word that there is no longer a manhunt for a number of you in cahoots to this, you begin to prepare for the coming Harvest Close Festival. Now we’re getting close to the third of the month of Fessuran, you’ve all managed to prepare in the ways you want, got a few things on your side. You’ve delved into some of the mysteries of the beacon that you maintain. You’ve retrieved your Forever Alcoholic Flask. That’s where we’ll begin today. Friends, as the early morning creeps up upon you, the chilled morning air has left a bit of ice and mist crawling across areas of the city floor, from outside your window here in the Leaky Tap tavern. However, though it is a gloomy morning, there is already a general air of celebration around. Glancing across, more people are now shifting out into the street and city around you. Music is beginning to creep into the vicinity, and you can hear muffling through the nearby walls. LAURA: Well struck, my lord! TRAVIS: (high voice) Well struck, my lord! MATT: As you all awaken, hearing this outside, what do you wish to do? LAURA: (gasps) It’s a celebration! SAM: Your spidey sense is tingling? LAURA: Yes. Can you hear the difference? TALIESIN: It sounds like there’s very expensive things to drink and eat. I’m going to get my pocketbook. SAM: Lots of pockets to pick! MARISHA: Lots of bar brawls to start. Yeah. LIAM: Can I ask a retroactive question? Caleb, and maybe Beauregard, read all of Siff’s journal? MATT: Yep. LIAM: Was anything more to be gleaned from reading the entire thing? MATT: Just more understanding of the same notes you read before. From what remains of the tome, you managed to quickly grab the Cliff Notes of it as you glanced through it, and the more information you pulled from it filled out that your thoughts on those tidbits were correct. LIAM: Okay, and then the only other question I have is I don’t remember what time of day the party ended the day. If there was time I would’ve used paper and scrolls to transcribe into my book, if there was time. MATT: Yeah, there’s been a few days. You would’ve had time. LIAM: Okay, good. LAURA: Is it the morning? MATT: It is the morning. You have awoken– LAURA: I’m going to spend a minute focusing on the mote and get a point! SAM: On the what? The mote? MATT: She takes the beacon, focusing on this strange artifact that you procured from the grip of the Xhorhasian assassin. You feel yourself extend into it and now being your first time to focus on it, it’s a lot to take in. You feel your essence shift into this space, this strange dimensional between. Though not fully understanding it, you’re brought the same image of dozens of yourself and this sense of infinity. There before you, you see the strange gray mote, and you reach out in the way that you saw Caleb’s hand reach. At that moment, you feel it shift and vanish into your chest, the warmth sifting into the center of your rib cage and then your eyes focus once more, and you’re back in your chamber. MARISHA: Well, that was kind of cool. LAURA: Did you know that we have a special weapon now? MARISHA: I do as of right now with you telling me. LAURA: This thing, you can get this mote of possibility. Basically, you get to affect time. I’m not exactly sure how it works, but it’s really cool. MARISHA: Do you feel all right? LAURA: I feel really powerful and stuff, inside. MARISHA: Like how much more powerful? LAURA: Like five percent. MARISHA: Punch me. I want to tell. LAURA: Okay. I’ll punch her. MATT: All right, roll an attack. LAURA: Oh jeez, I dropped it. That doesn’t count. I don’t punch her very hard. I’m going to pull my punch, because I only rolled a five. LIAM: That sounded like “pooing my pants.” MATT: I mean, if you’re not dodging. MARISHA: I’m like, come on. MATT: Yeah, then you hit her. LAURA: Oh, I hit her? Yes! Okay, so now I roll for damage? MATT: Well it’s one plus your strength modifier. LAURA: Four damage! MATT: You take four points of damage from a sheer punch to your shoulder! MARISHA: Holy shit, Jester! What the fuck? LAURA: Rawr! MARISHA: Ow! Okay, that’s awesome. LAURA: Do you have dead arm? MARISHA: Yes! LAURA: Wait, if I punch you in your ass you’ll get dead leg. Have you ever tried it? Yeah, I punch her in her butt and try to give her dead leg. MATT: Okay, I think she is dodging this one so roll for this one. LAURA: Oh man, come on! What do I add to it? MATT: I’ll say you’re proficient in unarmed because you’re just punching, sure. You add your strength modifier and your proficiency modifier. LAURA: This is shit. Oh plus the proficiency. No, it’s still not enough. It’s like nine. Nein! MATT: She does manage to step out of the way, now being more defensive from giving her a dead leg. MARISHA: I move and do a little hip bump. Get out of the way. LAURA: I wasn’t trying to hit you anyway. I didn’t want to hit you. MARISHA: Just a little hip action, I’ve been working on it. LAURA: Anyway, I have this thing, and I could’ve used it then to really hit you but I’m not going to. I’m going to save it for something really powerful. Are you in the room, Yasha? ASHLEY: I feel like I slept outside? I was going to interact. I think I slept outside. I forgot. TALIESIN: I think we’re all up and moving at this point. MATT: As you ask this question, Yasha is not in the room. MARISHA: Hey, Jester. That was you who said something when you were talking to the Xhorhasian assassin about babies not being born, or something like that? LAURA: Did I say something like that? MARISHA: I think you were like, “Oh no, the babies!” Something about babies. LAURA: He had said that this thing would help them with having babies, yeah. I would assume if we have it then he won’t be able to have babies. MARISHA: You know how that town crier was talking about kids being stolen? You think they’re connected? LAURA: Probably. That’s really smart, Beau. MARISHA: Thanks. I wanted to run it by you. LAURA: Where was it happening? It was along the border, huh? In Nogvurot? Yeah, that’s where it was happening. MARISHA: You have a good memory. LAURA: I know. SAM: (whispering) Where is that? LAURA: Nogvurot is along the border. MARISHA: I know there’s a garrison out there. LAURA: (laughter) Northward. MATT: You have a map. SAM: Is it near Xhorhas? LAURA: I brought it back in, didn’t I? MARISHA: Oh, it doesn’t count as using your memory if you’re reading it, Jester. Come on! That’s not fair. LAURA: I didn’t read it! I’m pulling my map out now. MATT: Nogvurot is actually northward, a little bit east of Rexxentrum. SAM: Right there. LAURA: Oh, that’s not at all where I thought it was. I thought it was over by the Ashguard Garrison, but it’s not. Yeah, weird. Maybe it’s not connected, then. Unless there are a lot of them, the bad guys, in Nogvurot, which we could check out. MARISHA: I heard a rumor last night that more are getting through. I don’t know. LAURA: I wonder how. I wonder if there’s an underground passage that people aren’t seeing or something. Or maybe they can go invisible. Or maybe they have an airship! Or maybe they can turn into mist, and fly through the air where people can’t see them. I’ve heard of people doing that. MARISHA: All possibilities, yeah. TRAVIS: (knocking) Y'all up? MARISHA: No! LAURA: Fjord! Come in! TRAVIS: We’re going out. MARISHA: I’m naked! I’m not naked. LAURA: Fjord! There’s a celebration going outside! TRAVIS: I can hear them. I think we’re going to head downstairs if y'all want to join. LAURA: Yes! I run outside. MATT: All right, so you guys start heading downstairs. Who all is gathering down there with them? SAM: Everybody! MATT: All right, everybody. Yasha, you napped in the side alleyway in the open air, sleeping with one eye open, being careful. As you wake up in the cold morning mist, the mist has caused this dampness around your chin and hair– ASHLEY: Around my glorious beard? MATT: Your glorious beard, right there. Frost beard. ASHLEY: I don’t have a beard. MATT: No. It gets really cold in the early morning and bits of frost have gathered at the edges of your hair, so you brush off it a bit. As you gather yourself and look out past the street, the music’s already starting to swell very strongly from a distance, and a few musicians come by playing on their own. Some folks are starting to rouse and begin cooking things. The smell of meats and fresh morning meals are beginning to find your nostrils, and you decide you probably should check in. ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll go check in. MATT: You come in, the rest of you all gather in the bottom tavern area of the Leaky Tap. What would you like to do? SAM: Does anyone know how this festival works? What are we celebrating again? LAURA: The close of the harvest. SAM: It’s just for funsies and we go around and sample wares and things? MARISHA: Nott, have you never been to a festival? SAM: I’ve been to a festival. TRAVIS: It’s general revelry. You know: drink, eat, dance. SAM: Not a big one. You know, small ones. LAURA: About what? SAM: You know, end of the season and beginning of the season. You know, that sort of stuff. People’s weddings, that sort of thing. MATT: There’s a new female who’s running the bar. She is now also coming to consciousness. She’s coming around to preparing the bar. Passed out, face down. Looks to be in her early 50s or so, long black hair that goes just past the chest area– LAURA: The chest area? MATT: Respectfully choosing words, Laura. Past her heaping bosom? What do you want me to say?! TALIESIN: I think you’ve had enough. LIAM: Right around her titties? The titty area? TRAVIS: Take that tuna away. TALIESIN: It’s making you weird. MATT: Laura Bailey, forward-thinking feminist! (laughter) LAURA: I’m sorry. MATT: It’s all right. LIAM: Once you have a child, I want you to turn on a dime like a Tartuffe character and be matronly and severe. SAM: Don’t curse! MATT: That’s not going to happen. LAURA: Don’t talk about titties! MATT: Anyway, this female you haven’t seen before who’s in the process of running the bar, very much in the same way that you saw Wessek the dragonborn, or previous before that, Claudia. LAURA: (whispering) I wonder if that’s the new owner. MARISHA: Yeah. Wait, what’s she look like? Did you say something? MATT: Human, 50s, long black hair. LAURA: Past the tatas. MARISHA: I bet that’s her. Oh, that’s right. I got so distracted by you. ASHLEY: I’ll walk in and give them a nod, and then go get an ale. First things first. MATT: “What can I get you?” ASHLEY: Just a big a drink, an ale. MATT: “Easy enough to do. I’ll be right back,” and she goes and fetches you a drink. All right, so. For this part of the festival– are you going for an ale or a stiff drink? ASHLEY: An ale. It’s morning. TRAVIS: Slow burn. LIAM: I wonder if the new proprietor knows there is a dead person in the basement. SAM: It’s not a dead person. It’s a skeleton. It seems old. I mean I suppose it’s a dead person. LIAM: That is exactly what it is. SAM: I guess so. LAURA: Was it a dead human or a dead tiefling or a dead– SAM: It seemed human-ish. LIAM: Well there were no horns, and when you’re a skeleton your ears are rotted away so I do not know. LAURA: It could’ve been an elf. LIAM: It could’ve been. TRAVIS: Are there any people, I don’t know, juggling and shit? Or any shows going on? MATT: Not in the tavern currently. It seems most everyone outside is walking in one direction, though. A lot of the folks that are starting to gather are all heading past the entranceway and heading in a leftward path from looking out from the tavern. SAM: Should we join them? TRAVIS: Yeah, I want to see. TALIESIN: I definitely want to see this. MARISHA: You can carry booze in the streets here, right? It’s like Vegas? Open carry? SAM: Wait! No, not open carry. Open container. MATT: There you go. You have seen people walk with various drinks in their hand without an issue before. SAM: Let’s go! TALIESIN: I’m very much about this. We’ll get that to-go. MARISHA: How was the new lady? Was she nice, was she a bitch? ASHLEY: She just, I mean, she gives you your drink, so I think it’s a nice woman to me. SAM: What was her name? ASHLEY: I have no idea. MARISHA: I bet she’s a bitch. LAURA: Why would you say that? MARISHA: I don’t know. Because I want to buy this place, so I don’t want to like her. LIAM: Do you know that there is a dead person in the basement here? MARISHA: Maybe we can use that to run her out! LAURA: There’s a skeleton in the basement, apparently. ASHLEY: Oh. TALIESIN: I sort of agree with Nott on this, I think there comes a point where it’s a skeleton and not an actual dead person at this point. I mean, I know it is a dead person. LIAM: I don’t think that’s correct, actually. I think it’s both things at the same time. TALIESIN: I think there’s a point where it’s like a piece of fruit, but it’s been out so long that even conceiving of it as a piece of fruit is not useful. MARISHA: That’s a good point. LIAM: I am pretty sure that’s incorrect. MARISHA: Do you call a cherry pit a dead cherry? TRAVIS: I start walking towards the– LAURA: Could you still eat the body? If you can’t eat the body anymore then it’s not a person. LIAM: You can eat anything if you are determined enough. TALIESIN: That is also a very fair point. MATT: Fjord has left the Schrödinger’s skeleton conversation. TALIESIN: Fjord, don’t you dare have fun without us! I’m rolling out the door. MATT: Go for it. Molly gives chase. LAURA: I chase after them too. SAM: I’ll put on my mask and join. ASHLEY: Slam down my– go. MATT: At this point now, the chilled late morning beneath the cloud covered skies, the streets are filled with all manner of people and families walking with baskets and colored streamers behind them. The large banners of silk of the autumn colors that were previously being placed up in the streets are in full display. The gentle wind is causing them to flicker and flap as the music weaves with the sound of the fabric. Small bands of bards and musicians mark nearly every street intersection, filling the air with music, poems, and cheer. It’s a very stark difference to the lock-down that held the city over the past week and a half or so. The closer you begin to follow the crowds as they move along, hearing the chuckles of children and the conversations and laughter that seem to burble out of every street corner, it pushes you in the direction of the Pentamarket. That’s when the smells of spices and incense begin to come in waves as you follow the sauntering crowds, eventually that smell overcome by the smell of cooked meat pies and roasted vegetables billowing from the various food carts that line the corners of the streets before you. LIAM: I want to be at Ren Faire. LAURA: I know! MATT: The flickering of the wind is now this weird syncopation that’s blending with the sound of the distant drums and ocarinas and flutes that are beginning to pipe into the strange din in the streets. You see a number of games of skill and chance that have been set up in the distance too, amongst the crowds, as people begin to weave through. To the left, you can see someone loudly proclaiming, “Want to play Trebuchet, anyone?” and down the way another voice calling out, “King’s "Vault!” You can see more games in the distance beyond there. More stages are set up with food and it’s a veritable smörgåsbord of celebration. What do you guys want to do? TRAVIS: Trebuchet sounds pretty fucking sweet. TALIESIN: I think we’re immediately heading to Trebuchet. MARISHA: What do you mean? Is Trebuchet like a trebuchet? TRAVIS: How the fuck do we know? We’re going to find out, though. TALIESIN: Do you fire it? Do you sit in it? I don’t know. There’s only one way to find out. LIAM: I’m going to start walking towards the other one, the king’s thing. LAURA: All by yourself, Caleb? SAM: I’m going with Caleb. Want to come? LAURA: I want to get thrown in a trebuchet. SAM: Go with them, then. LAURA: Okay. Does it seem like there are more guards around than usual? Are the guards relaxed? MATT: The guards are relaxed, but there’s definitely a large presence, and in fact, a number of the games are run by the guards. In fact, Trebuchet, as you approach, you see two guards, male and female, that are both in the process of lifting a three or four year old girl, and she has a sandbag in her hand. They’re like, “One, two, three!” and she throws it and it gets close, but stops before the basket, but they cheer her on, “Yay!” and set her down. MARISHA: Aww, I thought they were going to throw her. LAURA: Like a wonder child! LIAM: Don’t worry. If she falls, they kill her. MATT: The kid runs off and grabs the bag and comes back and they lift her again. They go, “One, "two–” and they give her even more of a swing so she gets a little more distance. It hits the edge and then tips off to the side and they go, “Aww” and the crowd who had gathered around “Awws” with her. The little girl smiles and gives them a hug and then runs off. One of the guards turns as you guys begin to approach and shouts to the crowd, “Trebuchet, anyone wish to play?” TRAVIS: Yes. Most definitely. MATT: “Five copper for three throws.” TRAVIS: Yeah. Here’s ten copper for Molly and me. MATT: “Sipes?” The other guard goes, “All right,” pulls up three of the sandbags and hands them to you. “That basket there and that line there.” You see that they were in between for the kids’ reach, but there’s about a ten-foot distance of small, thin carpet that’s placed behind the line leading to this open wicker basket that’s about a foot and a half wide. You have to throw overhead, facing away. TRAVIS: Oh shit. SAM: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. LAURA: Do we need to pick them up and do the thing like you did with the child? MATT: “You are more than welcome to try. I’d love to see that happen. That is not necessary.” TRAVIS: No, it’s all right. Let me try it on my own first. For dignity’s sake. MATT: As you stand there, you take the sandbag and in a trebuchet-like motion, lob it overhead without quite looking, assuming the direction. Go ahead and make a dexterity check with disadvantage please. TRAVIS: I didn’t need that disadv– That’s a natural one. (laughter) SAM: $100 for 826LA. MATT: You lob it and hear, (pained grunt) and everybody goes “Oh!” and you turn around. TRAVIS: Sorry, friend. Yeah, that’s a purple heart, sorry man. Jeez. MATT: You turn around. You can see the mother of the small kid that was first throwing, and she’s rubbing the side of her face. LAURA: You hit a mother. TRAVIS: Find her a soothing– something to take the pain off. MATT: She goes, “Ah, it’s fine.” Looks up at you and goes, “Come on.” She grabs her kid’s arm and they both leave deeper into the crowd. LAURA: You should have let me and Yasha pick you up. TRAVIS: No. I’ve got this. Resituate. Grab a bit of a glance. (grunts) MATT: All right, try again. TRAVIS: That’s another natural one. LIAM: Cha-ching! MATT: As you, one, two– TRAVIS: This happened at Ren Fair before. MATT: You go to heave the sack, and as it does, it gets caught on part of your breastplate and as you pull upward there’s a (ripping) as sand goes scattering into the sky around, emptying the bag and pouring over you into your eyes. (spitting) Laughter starts to gather in the crowd around and some small clapping. MARISHA: Again, again! TRAVIS: I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but let’s give it a try. LAURA: (gasps) Okay. Yasha, you get on one side. I’ll get on the other. ASHLEY: Okay. That’s fine. MATT: “Well, you have one more throw.” TRAVIS: That’s what I mean. I got them helping me. MATT: “Which one of you is taking the other throw?” LAURA: Oh, no. We’re going to pick Fjord up the way that you did the little child. MATT: “Oh, perfect. There you go.” TRAVIS: Two shit throws in a row. It can’t get any fucking worse. LIAM: Come on, one! Yes! Yes! Yes! ASHLEY: No! LIAM: Yes! Yes! MATT: That’s ridiculous! ASHLEY: Seriously?! Throw that away! LAURA: You need to put that shit in jail. TALIESIN: You shouldn’t have hit that woman with a sandbag. LIAM: That’s all right. You got them out of the way. When we fight a basilisk later, all those ones are gone. MATT: Jester, Yasha. How do you want to do this? LAURA: We throw Fjord. ASHLEY: Yeah, I don’t think we help him. We just (whoosh). MATT: They literally shot put Fjord about three or four feet. (surprised grunt) ASHLEY: Did we get him in? MATT: No. He gets about four feet before he goes face first into the carpet. The carpet balls up in front of him as he skids for another foot, foot and a half, with his feet up in the air before they come to rest. There’s a dust cloud. There’s a loud gathering of voices going, “Ooh” and then silent as the music plays in the distance. TRAVIS: (coughing) I think that might have– I’m going to get a drink. You guys carry on. Ow, my pride. ASHLEY and LAURA: Molly! MATT: The female guard goes and straightens out the carpet to get it right. “Five copper.” TALIESIN: No, he paid already. MATT: “Oh that’s right. Then, by all means.” TALIESIN: It’s a dexterity? With disadvantage. MATT: Because you’re looking away. It’s not a hard DC but– TALIESIN: 19. MATT: 19? (whoosh) (thud) “Whoa!” The crowd begins cheering. “Yeah!” LAURA: Yay Molly! MATT: They hand you a second one. LAURA: Does he get a prize? MATT: “At the end.” TALIESIN: I think I may have to– I’ve spent my luck. I think it may be off to you and then one for you. ASHLEY: Oh, okay. LAURA: Really? TALIESIN: Three throws. One each. LAURA: Okay! ASHLEY: By all means, Jester. SAM: Jester, use these. LAURA: No! Oh, no! TALIESIN: It’s still not terrible. LAURA: I rolled two twos. TALIESIN: That’s a six. MATT: Jester. You throw it with all your strength, and it goes straight up. Hits you in the top of the head and dangles off one of your horns. LAURA: Did it mess up my jewelry? ASHLEY: Here, hold on. TALIESIN: Wait. Right, let’s just– ASHLEY: Don’t let it snag the earrings. TALIESIN: It’s out. LAURA: Thank you. Go Yasha! MATT: All right. ASHLEY: Four. TRAVIS: We suck at this. ASHLEY: Just let me do it. I know I’ll get it in. MATT: As it arcs, it lands. There’s a little poof of dust behind. It only gets about four feet from you, unfortunately. ASHLEY: It’s like a weird shape, you know? LAURA: It changes in the air. TALIESIN: I hardly know, but I’ve thrown a baby before. Odd. MATT: “However, we do have one successful in!” and they reach over into a satchel on the side and pull out– “A fresh strawberry for the victor.” LAURA: That’s it? A strawberry? TRAVIS: Is it red? MATT: It’s actually pretty tasty. Fresh, sweet. It’s delicious. TALIESIN: Mmm. Mm-hmm. TRAVIS: How much for a strawberry? MATT: “Oh, we don’t sell the strawberries. You can buy them further in. Here, you pay for the "prestige of a victory and a strawberry. If you get all three, you get a candied apple.” LAURA: (gasps) TALIESIN: (muffled) Tastes better with the victory. TRAVIS: All right, what was the other game? Forget this. LAURA: Caleb and Nott are already there. MATT: While this was transpiring, you guys go to catch up while Caleb and Nott have approached the young half-elven woman who is shouting, “King’s Vault!” As you approach, you see she has her hair tied back, and she’s barking with this utmost confidence. “King’s Vault! Come play! Anyone, come "to the front! Show us your majesty of attention!” LIAM: Yeah, what sort of game is it that you are running? MATT: “Well, you place either a silver or a gold piece up and I will–” and she pulls up three silver cups. “I will place it underneath one of these. Mix it around. Pay attention. Guess the "right one. Get your coin back plus one. Get it wrong, coin stays with me. Simple game.” LIAM: Well, I just so happen to have three silver on me. It takes one silver to play? MATT: “Yes. At least.” LIAM: At least. Well, I am feeling lucky today and always. Here it is. MATT: “Onto the table.” She takes the center cup (click). Cup’s over it. SAM: I’m looking. I’m going to hold my wire up to my mouth. MATT: All righty. That being the case, I would like you both to roll a perception check. LIAM: Does my Keen Mind help me at all in this situation? MATT: Strangely, it does not. LIAM: Natural 20. (cheering) SAM: Four. MATT: As soon as she finishes the rotation, she stops and goes, “Very well,” and you, has to be the right one. Has to be the center. LIAM: I will go with the center one. SAM: It’s the one on the right! LIAM: I think it is this one right here. SAM: The right one. No! You’re getting the wrong one! The right one! LIAM: I will go with the middle one. I think it’s probably the correct place. MATT: She tips the cup. Indeed the silver is there. “Congratulations! With that, your earnings "doubled,” and gives you a secondary silver. LIAM: Two silver. Well, you know, I just wanted to play the game. I’m not trying to make any money. Did you want to do anything here? SAM: I’d like to compete please. LIAM: I give her my two silver. Do me proud. SAM: Yes please. MATT: “A silver?” SAM: Yeah, here. MATT: “Of course.” Coin goes down. Cups over it. Now there’s a small crowd gathering. Now people are starting to watch. There was a victory apparently, and some cheers. LIAM: I am going to back up like five or six steps and also do the same thing Nott did. MATT: She begins shifting and shifting and shifting and shifting. Eyes focused on you. Starting to look strangely at you. “Very well. Choose.” Now go ahead and roll a perception check. SAM: That’s a natural one. (cheering) MATT: You were paying attention. All of a sudden, you lost it. Looking up at her eyes, you were so caught off guard by her staring at your fairly well-concealed goblin visage, but seemingly not enough, as she has a curious raised eyebrow. That spooks you for a second. You go “Oh, shit!” You lost track of the cups. LIAM: I got a total of 20. MATT: Total of 20. On the perception? Okay. “What are you going to pick?” SAM: I will choose– eenie, meenie, miney. LIAM: Do I get a chance to whisper to her what I saw? Because I want to do the same thing. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: Yeah okay. Oh, that’s not so good. That is a six. MATT: As you begin to pull your hands up and mutter your incantations, she goes, “Ahem. No "funny business.” LIAM: Oh, I am a funny guy. MATT: “I could tell. Ha ha. Now?” SAM: I’m going to pick the one on– the middle. MATT: “The middle.” She pulls the cup back. Empty. “Aw. A good try.” Scoops the coin off the table. SAM: I failed you, Caleb! I’m so sorry. I took your silver, and I let it go. I’m sorry. LIAM: Yeah, but you know also, the other day, you gave me 200 gold, so it’s not really a problem. SAM: I know, but it’s the principle. MATT: “Well if you have 200 gold, you are more than welcome to place a gold piece up here as well.” SAM: We’re okay. Thank you. MATT: “Very well.” LIAM: I give her the stink-eye as we walk away. MATT: “Take care of your green friend there.” LIAM: I intensify the stink-eye. MATT: At this point, you guys turn around and you see the rest of your party has caught up to you. Fjord covered in dry dust. TALIESIN: I won a strawberry. MARISHA: Fjord can’t throw. LIAM: Did you have a different kind of dream? TRAVIS: N– No. LIAM: Beat again. SAM: He won a silver, but I lost it. ASHLEY: What game did you play? LIAM: It was called King’s Crown. SAM: King’s Vault. LIAM: That’s what I said. LAURA: Oh, the one where they spin it around and you see which cup it is. LIAM: She was very quick, yeah. ASHLEY: I wonder if there are any more games. MATT: You glance around, keeping an eye open as you guys continue. You’ve now hit the deeper edge of the Pentamarket. The crowds around you are fairly dense at this point. There are people laughing and talking. They’re carrying various baked goods that are fresh out of the nearby carts or oven. The smell creeps into your senses and takes over from that point. Children run past and bump you in the side. Some are holding two ends of a streamer, and the streamers continue past and flap around, hitting people. It’s adorable and delightfully intense. The guard presence is very much felt here, but everyone is in high spirits. You get the sense that everyone has been waiting to get to this festival, to this moment here. It’s a much different atmosphere than the gala you had seen a week before in the Tri-Spires. TRAVIS: They needed this catharsis, it feels like. TALIESIN Quite a party. MARISHA: I want to find the most ridiculous mead out there. MATT: Oh, there are quite a few mead stands, so it’s easy enough for you. Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Meat or mead? MARISHA: Mead. LAURA: I want to find the candied apples. MARISHA: 17. MATT: Very easy to find through a couple of sleight questions to some of the noncompetitive barkers. You manage to find a small meadery stand that’s near the outskirts of one of the large arena structures, that you haven’t seen used since you arrived in this city. As you approach, the older guy there, with this curled and unkempt chin-beard that looks like part of it isn’t growing on the right side. You approach and he has all this thick, dark jugs of mead, and he is like, “Hey, you want some mead?” MARISHA: Yeah, do you have mead that doesn’t taste like piss? MATT: “I have mead that’ll get you fucked up.” MARISHA: That’ll do. MATT: “Might taste like piss still.” SAM: He did not answer your question. LIAM: That’ll do, pig. MARISHA: What’s your highest proof mead? MATT: He picks up one jug (sniffs). “That one” and hold it out for you to smell. It’s pretty strong. It smells slightly acrid, but not in a bad way. Just in a strong mead way. TRAVIS: Slightly vinegar. MARISHA: Still smells like piss, man. MATT: “Welp, depends what you want. Do you want strong or do you want tasty? You got to pick.” MARISHA: Strong. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, good choice. MATT: “That’ll be a nice, fair filled cup. For a silver.” TALIESIN: This about when I run up: What’d you get? MARISHA: Barbarian pee, but it’s good. TALIESIN: What are the options? MATT: He pulls up three jugs. He says, “This end, tasty. This end, fuck you up. This one, little bit "of A, little bit of B.” TALIESIN: I’ll take whatever’s most expensive. MATT: Grabs the same stuff that Beau got, the heavier, thick stuff. Pours, gives you a cup full of it. “That’ll be a silver piece.” TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: Takes it. It’s strong, the aftertaste isn’t too bad. It’s the initial, weird, sour, vinegary, impact, but then the sweetness comes in afterward. It sets well, and it’s strong. As you guys are walking around and keeping an eye, you do see there is another stand that has an elevated platform called Titan’s Grasp. There are four soldiers of the Righteous Brand, the Empire Military, that are currently manning it. They’re wearing their plate mail of silver and dark-crimson design. A large, cubed stone, two feet by two feet, is set on top of this platform with a metal bar that is wedged beneath it, that it’s leaning against. The metal bar has a cylindrical center point, like a fulcrum. There is a large hammer, that one of them is currently holding to the side. As you begin to approach, you see one guy there, who’s currently spitting into his hands, grabs the hammer (grunts). As he hits the metal bar, the stone goes (slight scraping) barely shifts. He sets down the hammer and everyone’s like: “Yay” and he goes, “I moved it!” Steps down off the platform. TRAVIS: They’re celebrating anything these days. LAURA: Yasha! ASHLEY and LAURA: We should go play this game. ASHLEY: I was really looking forward to looking for ridiculous meats. Not meads, but maybe we can– MARISHA: Oh, meat sounds great too. TRAVIS: Yeah, the day is young. ASHLEY: Let’s go play this game. TRAVIS: Not play, crush this game. LAURA: We get a candied apple, okay? MATT: You approach the four soldiers that are up there. One of them comes up to you, the one who has the hammer at his side after retrieving it from the last person, goes, “Hey all right, are "you willing to play some Titan’s Grasp, eh?” ASHLEY and LAURA: Yeah. MATT: “All right, it’s five silver an entry.” LAURA: Five silver. ASHLEY What’s the prize? MATT: “Single swing, but winner gets the current pot. Which stands at–” and he turns to one of the other guards who goes through a small bag and goes, “That’s going to run about 43 gold.” ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: Yeah! ASHLEY: I’ll give five gold. Five silver, I mean. I’m so sorry. MATT: “All right, one swing. You?” LAURA: Yes, yes, yes! MATT: “One swing for you.” TRAVIS: Two swings. ASHLEY: Two swings? Shit, okay. MATT: “Take as many as you want. No one’s turned it over this morning yet.” ASHLEY: All right. TALIESIN: Can you rage at this thing when you– ASHLEY: That’s what I was going to try. LAURA: Nice. TRAVIS and ASHLEY: When in doubt. MATT: “Who’s going first?” LAURA: Yasha can go first. ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll go first. LAURA: I’m going to wait to give him my money because I have a feeling Yasha might win. I’m going to wait. MATT: “Oh, I like that. Your friend’s got confidence in you. All right, big missy.” Hands you the heavy hammer. It’s not too heavy in your grasp. TRAVIS: Come on, Yasha! MATT: It’s not very well balanced either. It’s not a battle-ready hammer, it’s designed for this type of a show experience. You get the sense this hammer would not be the most effective for this. It might be intentional. It’s your turn, people start gathering. You’re up on an elevated two foot platform there. They have the metal bar fulcrum, all set beneath the stone. Hammer’s in your hands, what do you do? ASHLEY: Okay, so I would like to rage. Ah! Just strength? MATT: This is a strength check, yeah. You have advantage while you’re raging. Roll twice, take the higher, and add your strength modifier. ASHLEY: Oof. Okay, 17. MATT: 17. (grunts) (ringing impact) You hit the metal bar, the stone (scraping) falls back into rest. It’s a heavy stone. LAURA: What are we trying to do here? MATT: The stone is resting on the lower part and there is a fulcrum round centerpiece to it. You’re trying to hit on this end to push the stone to roll over. It moved slightly and falls back into place. “Good try! That was very strong there, lass. Don’t worry.” ASHLEY: Well, I have another go. MATT: “Well pay another.” ASHLEY: I did. I gave you ten. MATT: “Oh you did? Tell me this when you’re counting this, bud. Go ahead, second swing.” TALIESIN: You get another swing, yeah. MATT: You get advantage while raging, so– ASHLEY: 24. TRAVIS and LAURA: Ooh! MATT: You pull back, and the one guy is looking over to one of the mates on the side and starts laughing. Suddenly (impact) (scraping) (larger impact). The stone shifts, slams on to the other side. All four of them go (gasp). (cheering) LAURA: Yasha! MATT: Now suddenly the crowd around, that you didn’t notice gathering, start cheering: “Yay!” Looks over to the one guard who had the pouch, “Okay then, congratulations.” ASHLEY: Thank you. MATT: Hands it over. ASHLEY: Can I count it? MATT: Yeah go for it. You take a moment to count through, while staring at him. It comes out to roughly about 43 gold worth of silver, including the ten silver that you put into it. Or not including the ten silver, so in addition to that. It would be 44 gold worth but it’s mostly silver pieces. ASHLEY: Oh shit, how much– LIAM: About seven feet away, out of habit, Caleb just went: (counting). LAURA: That will buy us so many candied apples. MATT: All the guards go over and shift the stone back over onto the fulcrum. They pull in and bring out about a gold piece each, to throw five gold back into the pot. They go, “All right, back up. "Who wants in?” ASHLEY: She’s next. LAURA: Oh, well all right. Five gold is– all right. TRAVIS: I’ll toss in a gold piece just to make it interesting. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, no, I’ll do that when I see you going in. LAURA: What!? You guys. MATT: The guards are going, “Wait, into the–” LAURA: You’re going to play, right? TRAVIS: For the game, right? SAM: I will take that bet. I’ll bet against her. LAURA: What? TRAVIS: Sure. SAM: I got one gold that says she cannot do this. MARISHA: I’m the booker, so you pay me. SAM: I don’t think that’s how that works. LAURA: I roll for strength check? MATT: Yup, roll a strength check, add your strength modifier. LAURA: Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: (resounding impact) As you slam down again, the stone goes (impact). It rolls over a second time. TRAVIS: Two in a row. MATT: Seemingly, the fulcrum set after you knocked it over prepared her for a better slam. As it hits, the four soldiers of the Righteous Brand look at each other, “We’re going to take a break "here for a second. Return here in about 30 minutes.” They hand the money over to you get five, six gold. LAURA: Seven gold. TRAVIS: Nott. SAM: Here’s one gold. I just wanted to fire her up. LAURA: Thanks, Nott. It worked. SAM: I know. MATT: They’re going to inspect the hammer, inspecting the fulcrum, inspecting the stone, and they’re basically in the process of wondering if they had somehow been cheated out of this. They can’t find anything. LAURA: I skip away. MATT: At this point now, the smell of warm, candied fruit begins to waft past you. You glance over and can see there is a large cart that is selling all sort of sweet fruit that have been coated in sugar. Some have a sticky syrup exterior, and there are candied apples available for purchase. Depends on how much you guys want to purchase, if any. ASHLEY: I would very much– I have never had a candied apple before. LAURA: You have to try them. They’re so good! SAM: You’ve never had a candied apple before? It seems so basic. It’s honey and an apple. LAURA: Well, the candied apples are hard, right? The caramel apples are softer. Do you have caramel apples? MATT: You can see the older woman who’s there, who a little bit portly with a big smile, rosy cheeks, pulls from behind the counter– “They’re still cooling off.” You can see a small tray that has about six caramel covered apples that you see are still gleaming in the little bit of light that’s coming from the cloudy sky. LAURA: Yes. That’s what I wanted! LIAM: I haven’t had one of those in such a long time. LAURA: I’m going to buy one for all of us. MATT: “All right, that’s going to be–” SAM: We have to share one? MATT: “Two copper each. For seven, that’ll put you at 14 copper.” LAURA: Okay. How much does that add up to in silver? TALIESIN: One silver, four copper. LAURA: Okay. I pass it over. MATT: “There’s six caramel apples here, and you have seven with you.” TRAVIS: It’s okay. No, it gets stuck in your teeth. ASHLEY: I’ll take the candy, because I’ve never had it. MATT: “Candy apple, all right, for you and the six for you. (shouting) All out of caramel apples for "the time being, but return here in an hour!” LAURA: An hour! You have to wait because we got all of them! (laughter) MATT: There’s this little girl across the way who’s like– LAURA: Aw. I cut a little slice off and give her one little slice. MATT: You approach, and she gets scared. As you get closer you can see she looks a little disheveled. Probably one of the less well-off people of the city of Zadash. You don’t see a parental figure in the near vicinity. LAURA: Where’s your mama? Do you have a mama? Is she around? MATT: Just runs off. LAURA: Oh no, I was going to give you more, but okay. Goodbye. SAM: Should we go after her? I can hunt her down. LAURA: No. LIAM: While I start to enjoy my apple, I would like to look around and see if there are any book stalls or book barrels. SAM: Those festive book stalls. TALIESIN: A barrel of books! MATT: Go ahead and make a perception check. SAM: Candied books, candied books! TRAVIS: The little girl disappeared into the crowd, or did she join a bunch of other kids? MATT: She disappeared into the crowd. LIAM: Perception, you said? SAM: Throw a dart. Win a book. LIAM: 15. MATT: It does not appear that there is a strong presence of tome and/or book retailers as part of the celebration, unfortunately. LIAM: Okay, while I was looking round, is there anything besides games and food? MATT: There’s games. There’s food. There are celebratory tapestries in the colors of autumn. You see small, pressed crests of the Empire that are used to either hang over your door as a good luck charm or to use as decor on the interior. A lot of it’s knick-knacks and general collectibles. Most everyone out here, it’s a craft fair on top of being a celebratory– There’s a bunch of random odds and ends that people collect or purchase to add to their home interior. LIAM: Huge long shot probably a no, but do I also see anything about the Cobalt Soul here? MATT: Glancing about, you do see the occasional person of the Cobalt Soul robes, but they’re not selling anything here. TALIESIN: I’m going to run up behind: Caleb, have you run Detect Magic on any of this? LIAM: Well, you know, I tried to do a little stuff on the sly a little while ago and didn’t work out so well. TALIESIN: Just, there’s so much. I figure something’s got to be interesting. LIAM: Well, if you can keep eyes off of me for a moment, I can do that if you like. TALIESIN: I can absolutely do that. I’m going to run towards the tapestry booth. MATT: Okay. (laughter) MATT: There you can see, it’s a long, thin cart that’s mainly things on display. It looks like it’s two wooden dowel rods at each side of this booth, that all push together at the center. All the tapestries are hung over the side on display for the front end. There’s three individuals that are manning this booth. There isn’t a whole lot of transaction going on there. It’s a little more of a specialty item in the sense that not everyone needs to fill their place with tapestries. They’re on display. TALIESIN: I’m seeing if there’s anything deeply gaudy. MATT: Yes, actually. There is one that is an insignia or an interpretation of the symbol of the Platinum Dragon. It is silver threads among a standard sky-blue coloring. There’s several different dragon heads that are woven into the pattern. There’s almost an embroidery. For as much as you’ve known about the Platinum Dragon and the religion, it’s surprisingly gaudy. LIAM: I’m trailing about 40 feet behind Molly. TALIESIN: That’s beautiful. How much is that, then? MATT: One of the people running the booth, quickly, as you see a mid-30s, half-elf man with a bit of chin scruff and very short hair, leans around the corner and goes, “Oh, for the Platinum "Dragon. This one was handcrafted by me and my mate, over the period of about two months. Hand "embroidered. Very difficult. Very exquisite. For the entire piece, the central piece you’re "inquiring about, that’ll run you about ten gold pieces. We have smaller, almost doily-sized "renditions of it back here.” TALIESIN: How big is this piece, out of curiosity? MATT: He takes the back and unfolds it entirely but can’t quite get the full arm length to get up there. He’s like, “This one’s about six and a half, seven feet from top to bottom. Can be used "as a rug, should you be so inclined and you aren’t quite a fan of the Platinum Dragon and want him "beneath your feet–” TALIESIN: It’s purchased. Ten gold? My god. MATT: “Right away!” He takes it, begins folding it up with one of his other compatriots. They take the twine and manage to fasten it in three places. TALIESIN: Bless you, master craftsmen! My god. It is such a rendition of the Platinum Dragon that I’ve never seen before. I clutch at my Platinum Dragon brooch. It’s beautiful. MATT: He says, “We’re happy to bring joy to you and the house of your great deity.” They hand you this relatively massive tapestry that’s almost seven feet end to end. TALIESIN: Oh, I have fucking plans, people! Swing it over my shoulder, and I’ll be walking around like a pike. MATT: As this is happening, you see that there are two other games. You’re now seeing the central space here. You’ve walked past this structure. It’s this small, forum-like circular stone building that’s been emptied and closed. Now there’s crowds walking in and out the front doorway, and around it are where a lot of these games are set up. You do see one that has a big banner that says Eagle Shot. There is one large, central platform where it looks like this is where a lot of public presentations are given here in the Pentamarket. It’s currently set up with a central table and a number of members of the Righteous Brand, as well as one that is a very well-adorned human male with brown hair that’s pulled up into a topknot. He has a big, thick beard. Looks like a handsome fellow and he’s currently barking out something about the military. You’re too far away to make out the details of it. That one has a wooden carved sign that says Soldier’s Spirit. It’s currently put on the edge of the stage. LAURA: Where in relation to all of this is the Hearth of the Allhammer? Because I know it’s in the Pentamarket. MATT: The Hearth of the Allhammer would be on the other side of this large, forum-like structure. SAM: I’m going to walk over to the Eagle Shot, was it? MATT: Eagle Shot, yes. SAM: What’s that game look like? MATT: As you approach, there are two crownsguard that are helming a small, compact archery range. There’s a series of trees that are at the very back that mark what would normally be an alcove in this small park, but within this alcove there are three archery targets that are slightly off from each other at different distances. They have a rack with different bows and a whole cache of arrows that are set to the side. MARISHA: (laughter) I’m just standing there like, what? SAM: Bows? Nah. LAURA: You could do it! SAM: It’s too hard to pull it back! This thing does it for you, look. (click) LAURA and MARISHA: Maybe they’ll let you use it. SAM: I guess I could go ask. Excuse me, sir or madam? MATT: The first guard turns around. “Oh, little girl, good to see you. What can I help you with?” SAM: I’m wondering if you have to use a bow and arrow to compete or can you use one of these? MATT: “What do you– ” Which, you still have a bolt nocked in this hand crossbow. He’s like, “Put the– ” SAM: I’m not going to fire it at you! I don’t have anything wrong with it. MATT: “Little miss, you shouldn’t be waving that around in public. I’m not sure how you got a hold "of that. Where’s your mother?” SAM: My father is over there. LIAM: Did you want to play this game? SAM: Yes, papa. MATT: “Unfortunately, by the rules you have to use one of the provided bows.” SAM: This one is pretty good. MATT: “Please put– sir, your daughter is a danger to the general public right now.” LIAM: No, she is an excellent shot. She’s trained. MATT: “Well, she has not been trained proper use of that in a space in which is it safe for other "people to be around. I’m just saying.” LIAM: Sure. How much to play your game? MATT: “Could I see that for a second?” LIAM: My daughter’s crossbow, you want? MATT: Takes it, the crossbow, and pulls the string back, removes the tension, hands it back. “There. "Would either of you like to play some Eagle Shot?” Behind them, somebody like– SAM: Now I feel like we have to. He just human-splained me. (laughter) MATT: The other guard behind is currently setting up an older woman who is in the process of getting the arrow lined up, and it keeps falling out of her grip and the other guard’s like, “No, put it "here,” and getting ready. Finally fires an arrow and it goes and disappears past one of the trees, “Oh, no!” LIAM: Well, you know, I’ll tell you something. If you want to have a laugh, let’s have me do some physical sports, so that should be pretty good. SAM: That’ll be fun. All right, let’s do it. We will both enter your competition. MATT: “Very well. That’s one silver piece for three shots. Closest bullseye, if acquired, you "get a rat from a cage.” He pulls off from the side here; you see a small stack of wicker cages with rats inside them. “Get yourself a pet rat. If you go ahead and get that middle bullseye, about part "way across that range, there, you win yourself one of these finely crafted wooden swords.” They have this decently whittled wooden sword. The center cross hilt for it is strapped with twine tightly. Swings it a couple times and sets it down, lays it against and it rests and hits the ground off to the side. “Now the farthest one over there–” and you watch as the old woman pulls another shot and it almost hits the far target before it gets stuck in the tree about ten feet behind it, “Hit that "one way back there and that one will get you this.” He pulls up a haphazard, stitched doll with button eyes, like the stitches are too wide so it looks like the crosses behind it are visible. There’s no mouth. There’s like, matted twine hair, some felt-like material that’s made a crown and a cape. “Of our fine King Bertrand Dwendal.” LIAM: Just a question for you. Should I hit the one in the back, which is highly likely, could we have the doll’s weight in rats instead? MATT: He gives you a look like you said a bad word. He goes, “I suppose.” SAM: How far is the farthest one? MATT: He glances back. “It’s probably about 80 feet.” SAM: Let’s try. MARISHA: Nott, I really want that wooden sword. SAM: You don’t have a sword, do you? TRAVIS: Creepy little doll, man! MARISHA: Don’t listen to Fjord. LAURA: Get the doll. I bet it’s cursed! SAM: I can’t work with this kind of pressure! MARISHA: Nott. If you get that sword, I’ll give you my jade bracelet. SAM: Oh man! LIAM: Is this an attack roll? MATT: It is an attack roll, and it’s a short bow. He said about 80 feet, but the farthest one’s about 100 feet. Which means it is in its second range increment, so the one in the back is at disadvantage. SAM: I’m not proficient in this thing at all, right? MATT: Well, let’s go ahead and see. Rogue proficiencies. It’s a simple ranged weapon. You should be. I’m pretty sure you are. Yep, simple weapons. You are proficient with the short bow. “Who’s going first, if you don’t mind me asking?” LIAM: Let me show my daughter how it is done. MATT: “Of course, understood.” Hands you one of the short bows off of the side and three arrows. They’re all right in their construction. LIAM: Watch my form and technique. I pick up the bow, and I take the stick thing. I pull it back like this. MATT: “Oh– I–” LIAM: Yeah? MATT: “No, continue.” LIAM: (sneezes) MATT: Which target are you aiming for? LIAM: The farthest one, obviously. MATT: The farthest? All right, with disadvantage. Add your dexterity modifier. LIAM: Oh. MATT: I do not think you’re proficient– LIAM: Aww, no, not at all. That is a three. MATT: Well, as a wizard, you might be, actually. For simple weapons. Nope. No, you are not. TALIESIN: Is it just simple weapons, or is it simple ranged weapons? MATT: Well, it’s simple ranged weapons, but those count as simple weapons. TALIESIN: Simple weapons, okay. MATT: It gets about 40 or so feet before it gets stuck in the dirt. He’s like, “That was good.” LIAM: Hmm. The fretching on that one was probably not very good. Let me try again. SAM: I think it’s fletch– yeah. LIAM: Listen, I have read a lot of books. I know it is fretching. MATT: You nock your secondary arrow. Take a shot. LIAM: Nope. Dang it. The second rolls are always really good! That is an eight. MATT: This one gets about five feet further and almost hits a squirrel. You hear (squeaking), and it darts off into a nearby bush. LAURA: You could have got your own prize! SAM: One more shot. You can do this! LIAM: This is not well-crafted. I grab my wire that I use for the message spell, and I put my hair into a little ponytail. LAURA: You shouldn’t use wire to do that, Caleb. MARISHA: It damages your hair. LIAM: (pew) Okay. Oh no. Ten. MATT: This one gets 40 feet, which is halfway there, before it hits the ground and sticks into the dirt. As soon as it finishes, there’s like a, “That was good. Go fetch that.” The other guard runs out and grabs the arrows to retrieve them. LIAM: Full disclosure: I have no athletic ability. That went as well as I expected it to. MATT: “That is surprising. Well, a fine Harvest Close to you, friend, and for your daughter.” SAM: Yes, it’s my turn. MATT: Hands the bow over, and a set of three arrows. LAURA: He’s going with the dice jail dice! You should not have done that. SAM: Do I add proficiency and– MATT: Proficiency and your dex mod. SAM: 11. MATT: This one arcs. It almost gets near the target, but ends up veering off to the right and ends up vanishing behind one of the secondary targets near the tree. He says, “Yeah, that was "better than your father.” SAM: What is that? 12. MATT: This one hits the actual base of the far target. Misses the target entirely, but it hits the actual plank of wood that’s holding it up. MARISHA: See, the beads have a little bit of like, gold embossing, etching inside of them. SAM: Far target. 15. MATT: It hits the bottom of the target. No bullseye, but you hit it. He’s like, “That was "actually very good.” SAM: Shut up! I don’t need you to condescend to me! Give me another one! MATT: “Right away, little missy.” Grabs three more arrows. LIAM: I slap down the silver for it. SAM: Thank you! LIAM: Yeah. It was two, right? MATT: One silver for three shots. LIAM: I put down two silver. MATT: Six more shots, all right. “There you go.” LAURA: She won’t need six more shots. SAM: Two, in quick succession. 20. MATT: As you pull back, perfect bullseye into the farthest target. There’s this brief pause as the guard spins around and goes, “What– ” SAM: I’m not done! I get four more shots! Two in quick succession to the middle one. TALIESIN: Is it still disadvantage to the middle target? MATT: Middle one is not at disadvantage. SAM: Oh, well then. Should I reroll? Okay. I will still use your shitty dice. Two 23s. MATT: Both arrows– we’re talking, like, Disney Robin Hood-style, one arrow, next one splits the first arrow. The guard’s still recovering from the first bullseye, he’s like, “What?!” SAM: Then two more. To the short one. 16 and a 21. MATT: Both hit at the same time. The guard looks slowly over towards you. “Well done.” LIAM: Now go home and get your fucking shinebox. MATT: “Here’s your doll.” TALIESIN: And the sword? MATT: “Two swords.” LAURA: Two swords! ASHLEY: I thought it was the rats– MATT: “Two rats.” LAURA: Double rats! ASHLEY: Double rats, yeah. That’s it? Because I thought that was dinner. We have– TALIESIN: We’re not eating the rats. LAURA: We’ll find some other dinner, Yasha. ASHLEY: It’s my favorite. MATT: You now have in your inventory: two rats in rat cages, two wooden swords– SAM: You can have both wooden swords. MARISHA: Oh, thanks! TRAVIS: Yasha, do you eat rat a lot? MATT: A hand-stitched doll of King Bertrand Dwendal. LAURA: That’s a really good doll. SAM: Oh, it really is. Would you like the rats? ASHLEY: Well, were you going to eat one? SAM: Well, we can share. TRAVIS: Alive, or do you cook it? ASHLEY: No, I like to have it cooked. It falls off the bone. It’s like a nice– SAM: Oh, I can wait. I guess. LIAM: It really depends on what you have at your disposal. Yeah? SAM: Later. It’ll be a celebratory– we could candy them. LAURA: Or caramel them! ASHLEY: Let’s try it. LAURA: Can I start to wander away towards the Allhammer? MARISHA: Look, guys. I’m Molly. Look! I want to go over to the military booth. SAM: Don’t cut yourself! MATT: While this is happening, Jester, you make your way around the large forum, and there you see the Hearth of the Allhammer. You’ve passed it before, and you can see it’s the domed, iron structure. It’s been left to rust a bit at the edges. The tops of the dome are polished where it’s easily accessible, but the very peak of the dome is a little bit red, brown, rusted. There are a number of open arches in the inside, and you see the large, central forge that marks the center of the temple. LAURA: Is there a statue of the Allfather? The Allhammer guy? MATT: You do see the large anvil that marks there has the symbol of the Allfather printed on each side and acts as both a ceremonial anvil for the creation of religious artefacts and items as part of worship and as the central statue for worship itself. That is the closest thing there is in this temple to a central focus of worship. TRAVIS: Nott, be real careful with that doll; they put little spirits of kids in those. LAURA: Is there any guards around or are they mostly gone because of the celebration? MATT: It’s not busy on the inside because right now everyone’s focus is on the actual celebration. There are three individuals that are manning the interior of the temple, one of which is the herald. Each temple in the city has a herald that’s the keeper of that temple. It’s a female dwarf, dark brown hair and three long braids that trail past to the middle back with a chainmail robe on that descends past the knees and is currently sitting on a bench and eating dried meat out of a small pouch and people watching as people walk by the temple. Nobody’s in there actively worshipping at the moment. LAURA: I go inside. SAM: Burn the place down. MATT: Do you go in trying to avoid attention or are you announcing yourself as you arrive? LAURA: No. I’m going to casually walk in. Just, you know. MATT: As you walk in, a voice in the corner from the direction of where the herald was goes, “Miss, "if you need something, don’t be afraid to let me know. We’re just sitting around.” LAURA: Thank you. MATT: “Of course.” LAURA: Oh, I should have disguised myself first. I leave. Go literally right around the corner and disguise myself, and I come right back in. MATT: What do you disguise yourself as? LAURA: I cast Disguise Self as an old woman– oof, who just burped? MATT: You? LAURA: No, it wasn’t me. With like a really tight bun and little teeny glasses and a cane. I guess I can’t make myself have a cane, can I? MATT: No, that’s not an extension of– LAURA: All right, well I walk kind of hunched over. MATT: Okay. As you come around the corner and make your way in, you saunter in the far end of the temple through one of the arches that marks the interior, come in through the shadow and the herald once again goes, “If you need something, right over here.” LAURA: (grumbling) MATT: “All right, that’s fine.” Goes back to– (chuckles) already seems taken aback by your presence. What do you want to do? LAURA: Is there anybody in there? Nobody’s in there? MATT: Well, I mean, there’s people in there. LAURA: (whispered) Oh, shit. MATT: There’s the herald who’s sitting in the back eating on the opposite end of the anvil and there’s two other folks that are on the outskirts of the arches, looking out into the crowd, just people watching. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to walk around to the back end of the anvil and act like I’m praying, but I’m going to wait until it looks like they’re all looking the other direction. MATT: As you begin to pray, the two others that are on the outside, who’ve noticed you enter, their attention doesn’t wander to you for too long before they go back out to the celebration, people walking by and people watching in general. You’re on the opposite side of the anvil from the herald who’s still chewing on her meat. What do you want to do? LAURA: I would like to get my paint set out and paint pink hearts all over the back side of the anvil along with “The Traveler was here”. Then I’m going to leave a couple travel brochures for the Traveler. Yeah, I think that’s good but they’re sizeable hearts. I want nice pretty pink, all over the hammer. The anvil. MATT: Just for the sake of presentation because you’re doing this with a bit of haste, knowing that you’re under pressure. Go ahead and roll a performance check. LAURA: Okay. With a pink dice. That’s pretty good. 18. MATT: 18. As you quickly begin to finish this heart, Traveler was here, you hear (yawning) across the way from the herald. You stop for a second– no reaction. Continue going. You finish up the art piece. One of the other guardians of the temple begins to turn around and walk back towards the herald and you pull back for a moment, but they turned away from you and it seems that you’ve managed to go this far without being noticed. You finish up your last heart, the exclamation point and the underline of the Traveler. LAURA: Oh, and I’m going to take some sequins off of my sequins glove and sprinkle it on there. MATT: (tinkling) LIAM: A little granny painting furiously. MATT: Just (straining). You put the pamphlets there on the side, slip them beneath the offering bowl at the base of it. LAURA: I want one sitting right on top of the anvil. Then I’m going to leave. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check on that one. SAM: Oh no. MATT: Because that will be creeping into the view of the herald. LAURA: 11. MATT: As you place it on top, the voice on the opposite end goes, “Do you need help there? "Dearie?” LAURA: (quavering) Oh, no, just leaving a little message for my son here. He’s a big worshipper. Ah. I walk away. MATT: As you get up and start walking away, the herald stands up and begins walking towards the other side of the anvil. LAURA: I walk really quickly. MATT: There’s like speedily running granny into the crowd and as you get– LAURA: Drop disguise. MATT: Drop disguise– in the middle of the crowd? LAURA: Well, no, I zoom around the corner. MATT: Still in your disguise as you’re charging into the crowd, behind you, you hear a voice (scream). “That old woman! Find her!” There’s screaming and you hear this ruckus as people around start looking behind at the shouting sound as you dart around the corner. Drop disguise and as you do, you can now see the herald and the two keepers of the temple are now pushing through the crowd, looking, searching like, “Has anyone seen an old woman?” Is describing you as best they can and it looks like there’s a bit of commotion going on. As you begin to disperse into the crowd, making your way– LAURA: I take a bite of my caramel apple, and I go walking down. MATT: You hear a crunch sound and your hand shakes for a second and you look down and a mysterious secondary bite was taken out of the apple. LAURA: (gasp) I lick the spot. (groaning) SAM: You’re making out with your god? Gross. MATT: They have a special relationship. While this is happening, you head to the military stand, you said? Anybody going with Beau? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll go. TALIESIN: I also follow. MATT: You guys approach at this point towards the Soldier Spear. You see this larger platform in the middle of the Pentamarket. There you see the central military figures wearing ornamental armor with a top knot. There is a table set up there with these benches and you can see there are two burly men, one who is this hairy, heavy thick woodsman type who is wearing a leather apron and– SAM: A Sam Riegel-type. MATT: Yes, exactly. He’s like super butch. Hand clasped with a trained soldier who’s wearing elements of the Righteous Brand armor but has taken bits of it off and they’re both going (grunting). They’re in the middle of an arm wrestling match and they’re both tensing back and forth (grunting) before the brawny guy slams the soldier’s arm down to the table. He goes (yelling). The crowd around goes (cheering). There’s a shout and cheer and the gentleman in the center goes, “That was well done. Well done and congratulations to you. Now that you’ve proven "yourself my friend, would you be interested at all in joining the Righteous Brand? Being a strong "warrior in his own right,” and the guy’s like, “Ah, piss off! I don’t want to.” He goes like, “It’s a good wage. Gold per day. Fed. All the equipment you need. You help keep the Empire safe. "No? All right, very well. Anyone else?” MARISHA: Yeah, what’s up? MATT: “Well, we are having a contest to see who here is the strongest.” MARISHA: Cool. Who’s the strongest? MATT: “Well, so far, it’s that gentleman.” Points over to the heavy, burly fellow who’s off to the side. He’s currently flexing and cracking his wrist. MARISHA: If you win, do you have to stick around and arm wrestle a whole bunch of people because you’re suddenly the best? I don’t want to dedicate more time to this. MATT: “I mean, you don’t have to.” MARISHA: Do I still get to be the best though if this guy sticks around and just keeps going? MATT: “Probably, but don’t be surprised if other contenders start following you around the town to "try and take your title.” LIAM: This is like the King of Kong. MARISHA: Is this really that important to you guys? Yeah. MATT: “Not to us, but it’s a fun place to display your skill and talent. Plus, we’re always looking "for some fine young soldiers to come and join us out there on the fields. To take down the "Xhorhasian evils and keep all these fine folks here well taken care of.” MARISHA: For a gold a day? MATT: “Yeah.” MARISHA: Buying people’s loyalty for a gold a day? TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Sorry, I just– all right. (sighs) Heard something about a Victory Pit. Is this the Victory Pit? SAM: She’s the worst. MATT: He goes, “No, you’re not–” Points over and that large forum building, that circular forum building that you saw that now the crowd’s starting to wash into that had been closed off previous weeks, he goes, “That, that is the Victory Pit. That will be happening in a few "hours, but you’re welcome to compete here if you’re feeling so feisty.” MARISHA: Yeah, sure. MATT: “What’s your name?” MARISHA: Beau. MATT: “Ah. Recruiter Leopold Wanstiker. Pleasure to meet you.” MARISHA: Person Beau. Nice to meet you. What is it? Leopold Sydney? MATT: Recruiter Leopold Wanstiker. W-A-N-S-T-I-K-E-R. MARISHA: Wang stacker. All right. (laughter) MATT: So. TRAVIS: This is top knot dude? MATT: Top knot guy, yep. LIAM: That’s the wang. MATT: “Whoever wins this, gets to go up against our finest solder who should be back from his "lunch break here in the next ten minutes or so. We have the new challenger Beau. Let’s see.” He points over to the grizzled-looking beastly man who’s currently chugging down the final bits of a tankard of ale. Spins around, wipes it off his beard and stands up. “Yeah, I’m coming.” He gets up onto the edge of the stage and goes, “Well, this is Kendall.” (laughter) MATT: “He’s a strong fellow. Good luck.” He sits down. MARISHA: I’m going to fail this miserably. MATT: Sits down at his stool, puts his meaty arm out with the fingers and goes– MARISHA: Good to meet you, Kendall. MATT: “Sure.” MARISHA: Ugh, it’s sweaty. MATT: It is sweaty. TRAVIS: Calm your mind. Just steel your mind. MARISHA: Oh, god. MATT: Leopold goes, “One, two, three!” Go ahead and make a strength check. MARISHA: Oh, god, just– LIAM: Those knuckle hairs are like fly legs. MARISHA: Just a check? MATT: Yep. Just a d20, add your strength modifier. LIAM: Oh. MARISHA: Five. MATT: Five. At that center point, you immediately begin to give to his grasp. You see this slight grin begin to curl underneath his wiry beard as his arm begins to push you close to the edge of the table. Make another strength check. TRAVIS: Dig in! MARISHA: A critter gave me this. They said it was lucky. It’s not that lucky. 12. MATT: 12. With that (slams) onto the table. You lose. MARISHA: Ow! MATT: Knuckles a little bruised from the slam. He gets up and is like, “Ha!” TALIESIN: That was worth following around for. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: Ah. TRAVIS: Thought you were going to beat him. MARISHA: I’m very slippery, I’m not– I want to do that Victory Pit thing, though. MATT: “Well done though, Beau. Well done. Here.” He hands you a small piece of parchment that’s rolled up and goes, “This is information about, if you’d be so interested, in coming and joining the "Righteous Brand.” SAM: Audition for our acapella group. TALIESIN: Kingsman. MATT: “You can find us at the Marrow Keeps of the Righteous Brand on the outskirts of the northern "end of Zadash, should you be so interested.” TRAVIS: Marrow Keeps? MATT: Yes. SAM: We’ve heard of that before. TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. MATT: This is in the area of the Signet Wall which is the military district of the city. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: “Anyone else?” Another gentleman raises his hand and gets up on stage and they begin to do a showdown. The two of them begin to go back and forth. However, that same beastly figure, Kendall, still manages to, defeat the guy and send him to the table, get up again and “Ha!” Then at some point, shortly thereafter, Leopold goes, “Ah, he returns! He returns! (chuckling) Gunther Prast, "our finest soldier here in the city, would like to challenge the current standing contender.” You watch now as this massive behemoth of a man, like the Mountain from Game of Thrones, about seven foot, 350 pounds guy wearing the Righteous Brand silver and red armor, gets up onto the stage (heavy steps). Clean-shaven, except for this perpetual five o'clock shadow that doesn’t seem to leave his square jaw, his hair is trimmed super short and you see the receding hairline curling back into a widow’s peak. Sits on the table, puts his arm out there and you can see the huntsman, Kendall, for the first time, lose his cool. You watch as the two of them grasp together and they’re going to begin to roll off. TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: What’s going on? SAM: Beau lost. LAURA: Beau lost at arm wrestling? MATT: You watch as the hands tighten and with that, Gunther begins to twist the arm, further down, further down. You can see, the huntsman character is starting to grimace. TRAVIS: Come on, Gunther. MATT: However, pushes it back in the center. Now they’re currently neck and neck. Once again, Gunther pushes him back. And with that final hit. Wham! Kendall is taken out, like, (groaning). Grasps his hand and rubs his fingers, and darts off the stage, seemingly shamed in front of a crowd of people. Everyone’s like, “Oh!” There’s now probably about 30-40 people who watched that last match. LAURA: Go Gunther! ASHLEY: Which one did you do the arm wrestling with, Beau? TRAVIS: Have we met Gunther before? Is he human? MATT: He looks human. He’s just huge. TALIESIN: You should take a shot at that. ASHLEY: Are you going to take a shot at this, Fjord? TRAVIS: (coughing) Me? MARISHA: Yeah, you’re stronger than me, right? LAURA: You’re very big and strong, Fjord! SAM: No, he’s really not. TRAVIS: Yeah. You know. TALIESIN: At the very least, you have a lot to prove. LIAM: Caleb is going to sneak off while everybody is involved with this. TRAVIS: It’s not good to arm wrestle 30 minutes after eating a caramel apple. MARISHA: Oh, I never heard that one before. SAM: Yasha, you should do it. You’re very strong. LAURA: Mm-hmm. You had a candied apple. You should be fine. ASHLEY: Extra strong? Because of the candied apple. TRAVIS: Your rat diet. ASHLEY: I mean, Beau is– No, he didn’t. TRAVIS: No, I mean, from in your past. ASHLEY: Oh. TRAVIS: Good constitution. Yeah, come on. Let them know. LAURA: Do it, Yasha! ASHLEY: Are you doing any more of the wrestling with the arms? MATT: Leopold is looking over the crowd, goes, “Would you like to try your hand at our finest warrior?” ASHLEY: Sure. MATT: “Come on up, Miss–” ASHLEY: (whispers) Yasha. MATT: “Miss (whispers) Yasha. (regular volume) Miss Yasha, our new–” (cheering) MATT: The crowd begins to cheer as you step up onto the stage. Everyone begins to gather up around the space, filling in the outskirts. You can see all these faces looking up at you, bright-eyed and eager to either watch you get destroyed or destroy. Gunther, who is currently standing with his arms crossed sees you approach. He’s a good, over a foot taller than you, and looks down as you walk towards the table. “Hmm. All right.” ASHLEY: Hello. MATT: “Hello.” Sits down, puts his elbow on the table with a heavy slam. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Grasps you. Both your arms– LAURA: (yelling) Use your feminine wiles! TALIESIN: Oh, I wouldn’t– Oh. ASHLEY: I shake my hair a little. TRAVIS: Yasha, don’t hold back. MATT: He’s taking a moment and looking you over, like he’s studying something. ASHLEY: I try not to make eye contact. MATT: He’s trying to make eye contact. Moving around. ASHLEY: I’m looking down and putting my hair down. Away. LAURA: (yelling) Her hair’s so beautiful. Woo! SAM: I don’t think that’s helping. TRAVIS: Don’t look at him. SAM: It’s not a beauty contest. MATT: As Leopold is talking up this whole this whole, “All right, come watch now! Here is our "finest–” and it fades away in the background as Gunther, who’s leaning forward now, says “Interesting styling. I’ve seen it before.” ASHLEY: What do you mean? MATT: “You’re not from around here, are you?” ASHLEY: Well, neither are you. What does that have to do with anything? MATT: “Nothing. Just an observation. I’ve been on the front lines long enough.” With that, Leopold walks up and goes “Three, two–” Make a strength check with advantage, because he wasn’t expecting it. (cheering) ASHLEY: Natural 20. (cheering) MATT: Natural 20. No joke. No joke. Right there. SAM: Dueling natural 20s? Their arms rip off. Blood is everywhere. LIAM: Fist of the North Star! MATT: Beautiful. Beautiful. Mwah. ASHLEY: This was thanks to Gil. Shit! What does that mean? MATT: As soon as you do that, he catches it, you both are caught in the center here, tensing up. The whole crowd goes “Ooh!” Everything gets really tense and quiet as you’re both flexing. At this point now, you do make eye contact. As the anger is built up inside you. Make another strength check. ASHLEY: Fuck. TRAVIS: Are you still raging? SAM: Oh, yeah. MATT: Well, she hasn’t raged yet. ASHLEY: Can I rage? I don’t know if I can do that. MATT: Not on this roll you can’t, because you already rolled for it. Next time you can. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll do it on the next one. Okay. Seven. MATT: Seven. You feel yourself giving way, your arm going further back towards the table. You see this grin across his face. His breath smells of mildewed bread and alcohol. It wafts past your nose. Roll a strength check. SAM: Matt, may I cast Message and send a message to Gunther? MATT: Gunther, yeah. SAM: I’m going to quickly say: Kendall is getting to second base with your wife right now! Do not respond to this message! (laughter) MATT: You get to roll another strength check with advantage. ASHLEY: Okay. How far away is everybody from us? MATT: They’re down like two and a half, three feet, because you guys are on a raised platform. They’re about five feet from you. ASHLEY: Oh shit. Okay. Never mind. SAM: Oh shit. LAURA: With advantage! ASHLEY: Okay, okay. TALIESIN: You get to roll again. MATT: Because you are raging. ASHLEY: 21. MATT: As he’s pushing you down towards the table, you muster up another breath of strength from inside. With that, you push him back to the center. You’re both at even keel. Roll again. ASHLEY: With advantage? MATT: With advantage. ASHLEY: This is very stressful. Okay. 21. MATT: (grunt) He starts giving ground, the sweat now beading across his forehead. His nostrils are flaring. That horrible smell of his breath is coming in bigger and more constant waves as he starts to (grunt). He looks up from his grip, up into your eyes once more. Roll again. SAM and LAURA: Finish him! ASHLEY: Okay. Oh shit. (stammering) I can’t do math right nowbecause I’m stressed. 14. MATT: 14. He slowly brings you back up to the center. Roll again. The crowd, each time the shift happens, the crowd is like, “Ooh! Ah! Oh god!” ASHLEY. Shit! Ten. MATT: You’re losing ground. You’re losing ground! Roll again. ASHLEY: No! 14. MATT: 14? (grunt) He rolled a seven plus five. Right up at the center. Roll again! The crowd is going wild right now. ASHLEY: Oh no. MATT: Leopold’s like leaning in now, watching this happen. MARISHA and LAURA: (chanting) Yasha! Yasha! ASHLEY: 17. MATT: (grunt) Pushing him back. Roll again! MATT: This is going back and forth, back and forth. (laughter) LIAM: Put him in the body bag! MARISHA: Give him the chair! ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM and LAURA: Advantage! ASHLEY: 22. MATT: 22. He pushes you right back in the center. Rolled an 18. You guys are right there again. At the fulcrum point. The crowd is starting to go completely breathless at this point. It’s back and forth. Roll again. LAURA: One of them is going to have exhaustion soon, I know it! MATT: He’s starting to breathe really heavy. ASHLEY: 21. MATT: 21. You push him back again. You can see now, the muscles are straining and popping, the veins are bulging. His breaths are getting heavier, his shoulder is looking like it’s almost dislodging as he’s using his torso to push against it. Roll once more. SAM: Jester! Should I shoot him?. LAURA: (yelling) No! No! No! Rip his arm off, Yasha! Don’t shoot him! ASHLEY: Okay. 19. MATT: (grunt) (bang of arm against table) (cheering) MATT: He immediately stands up and starts shaking his arm at that point. ASHLEY: Immediately when I slam him, I get up and walk off. (cheering) MATT: Leopold goes, “Amazing show. Yasha!” and he runs up behind you and catches up to you. As you step off the stage, he steps off with you. Goes “I’m sorry to bother you, Yasha. That was an "incredible– Have you any interest in all at joining the ranks of the Righteous Brand?” ASHLEY: No. MATT: “Oh. Well, think about it.” He goes into the small satchel and pulls out at rolled piece of paper, and says “It’s a fantastic thing you would do for the Empire if everyone here– You look like "a fine soldier and based on your skills up there you’d be a great help on the front line.” ASHLEY: Oh. I don’t. Okay. I will take this with me. I don’t like groups of people working together for a cause. I will take it with me. I walk away. LAURA: Did she win anything? Did she get a prize? MATT: Strangely enough, there is no prize for this. There is no buy-in. It’s merely for the bragging rights of the presentation. It’s a presentory– LAURA: (yelling) Lame! TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Hey Yasha, check it out, I got one too. It’s a really shitty prize, though. ASHLEY: What does it– did you look at it yet? MARISHA: No. LAURA: I bet yours says, “Please don’t ever contact us again.” MARISHA: Oh, what dicks! MATT: No, it talks about– ASHLEY: Can you read it for me? MATT: Okay. MARISHA: It says– MATT: As you read it– (laughter) SAM: No, I think this is for Marisha. LIAM: Do that, speak at the same time– hear ye hear ye. MATT: No. It speaks of the Righteous Brand and talks about all of the wonderful possibilities for glory. It’s housing and gear provided, it’s working in a good teamwork environment to protect the people of the Empire. It has opportunities to rise through the ranks and to become– MARISHA: It’s propaganda. MATT: It talks about– it pays one gold a day at start, with possibility of raises from there. The training is in Bladegarden and after a period of training there, it’s three years minimum service in the military and then you can decide to stay or not. It goes into a small print and says like “desertion is illegal and brings imprisonment and fines.” MARISHA: Oh. TRAVIS: The ushe. LAURA: A gold a day, that’s pretty good. Right? Is it? MARISHA: I mean, if you’re only training, they send you to the frontline and it’s questionable. TALIESIN: I think I’ve literally made 200 gold since we’ve met, minimum, at this point. It’s been like a week. LAURA: I mean, we’ve been making a good amount. ASHLEY: Nott, do you want mine? Just in case, if you want to join? SAM: I’ll take it. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation there’s a voice from the side that goes, “That was "quite an amazing display, if I say so myself.” As you turn and look you see there’s a gentleman there who’s tall, a little over six foot, very– a gentleman, not the Gentleman. LAURA: No, that’s not what I was going for, I wanted to know what he looks like. MATT: He’s a very strong looking human male with ruddy, tan skin and long, jet black hair that’s braided in a single thick braid that goes past his waist in the back. He’s dressed in partial scalemail across the chest and part of the shoulders, a dull iron color to it that’s over his chest. You see a heavy waistband of dull gray leather that’s like a thick, almost a foot thick piece around there and a rough-looking warhammer that’s strapped to his side and he has his arms crossed and smiling widely at you with a very welcoming smile. “That was impressive. That guy "you just destroyed up there? He’s kind of a douche.” ASHLEY: I could tell. MATT: “What’s your purpose here? Are you looking for work?” ASHLEY Me or–? MATT: “Yes, you.” ASHLEY: I mean, it depends on what kind of work, I guess. MATT: “Well, mercenary work, of course.” ASHLEY: Oh, well yeah. MATT: “All right, well, first off, my name is Darrow.” ASHLEY: Hello Darrow. MATT: “What’s your name? Yasha, you said?” ASHLEY: My name is Yasha. MATT: “All right, pleasure to meet you. Well, I am the de facto leader of a mercenary band known as "the Stubborn Stock. We’re out of Guar on the Menagerie Coast, but we’ve been hired for about a "seven month stint so far by the Empire and it’s been paying pretty well. We’ve had some pretty "good scenarios here. The retainer’s been nice and honestly, it’s not bad to be paid to sit around in "case they need us.” ASHLEY: What kind of work? It’s just going out and killing things? MATT: “Well, when they need us. To kill things, to hunt things down. There’s a lot of business that "they can’t bring the military to and the Crownsguard stay in the cities so they send us out "and about. That’s only if they need us.” ASHLEY: It’s no contract? You can come and go as you please if you like? MATT: “Well, it’s contract. You have to be there for their disposal. We’re stationed up in Nogvurot "and have been for the length of this contract, but we were able to come down for this celebration and "it’s been not too bad. It’s good wage, sit around, occasionally hunt down some criminal Xhorhasian "terror that’s come down from the mountains. It’s a pretty decent living if I say so myself and you "look like a very capable soldier if I say, again.” ASHLEY: Yeah. Yeah, you can say so. MATT: “Sure. Would you be interested?” ASHLEY: Maybe. I don’t know. Do you have like a pamphlet or something? MATT: (laughter) “We have no pamphlet. My band of esteemed warriors are planning to be in the "Victory Pit later this afternoon.” LAURA: (gasps) The Victory Pit! MATT: “We could very much use an additional soldier of your capability.” ASHLEY: We were actually thinking of going that way. TRAVIS: I’m afraid she’s spoken for. MATT: He turns and looks and seemingly for the first time notices the rest of your group. Goes like “Oh, I’m terribly sorry, I mean no disrespect– hi– but I do not understand that. I "do not wish to step on any toes here, it was merely a curiosity. What are you called?” LAURA: The Mighty Nein. SAM: To travel incognito, but– LAURA: Just kidding. ASHLEY: The Mighty Nein. MATT: “The Mighty Nein. Very good.” MARISHA: We’re Yasha’s booker. It’s like her agency. ASHLEY: They’re all actually very, very strong and very tough. So– SAM: Yeah! I won this doll before! MATT: He looks like– “That’s impressive. That’s a good find. Good on you. You know who that’s "supposed to be?” SAM: The king or something? MATT: “I was going to say a tiny asshole. One and the same, really.” LAURA: Wait, I heard you say you were from Nogvurot, yes? MATT: “Well, we’re stationed in Nogvurot, but we’re from a ways further than that.” LAURA: Did you notice any of the kids that were missing up there? MATT: (sighs) “That has been an occasional problem, yes. We had been sent to investigate two "of those instances and in all of them it seemed to be that they were stolen– I’m sorry, I do not "know how much I can discuss of these with you–” LAURA: Oh! We’re really good at keeping secrets! MATT: Make a general charisma check. Just to see if he trusts your face. TRAVIS: Oh boy. Do I trust your face? LAURA: Well, let’s general charisma check– oh, that would be a natural one there. TRAVIS: Yeah! All right! MATT: “We’ve looked into it. Do not worry. But we’ll see how long the contract goes. I do not "know how much luck we’ll have. It’s kind of a dire situation.” LAURA: Is that what you’re being paid for up there? MATT: “One of many things.” LAURA: Wow. ASHLEY: You said you’ve been fighting on the frontlines of Xhorhas, or– MATT: “Well, not yet. Not yet. Just the ones that come too close in. There’ve been a few excursions "into the Empire itself and that’s why we’re hired. They’re basically bringing everyone they can on "hand to help keep the home fort defended.” ASHLEY: What are you fighting, if I may ask? MATT: “What am I fighting? Right now?” ASHLEY: Well, in Xhorhas. If you go out there. MATT: “Oh, we haven’t been to Xhorhas yet.” ASHLEY: You haven’t been to Xhorhas. MATT: “They’ve kept us in the Empire so far.” ASHLEY: They’ve kept you in the Empire. MATT: “Yeah. They keep the army on the eastern side, but we’re meant to find things that the army "cannot be bothered to do.” ASHLEY: I understand. TRAVIS: You’ve fought in this Victory Pit before? MATT: “No, actually. We’ve only really been in the Empire for the first time this past half year and "I’ve heard things about it and, you know, figured we’d come and try it. They gave us a week off to "come down here to Zadash, and me and my friends are going to take our best attempt at this.” LAURA: How many people are in your group? MATT: “Oh, well, within our person– including myself, a grand total of six mighty warriors.” LAURA: Whoa. MARISHA: All six of you fight? MATT: “All six of us have our different techniques, yes.” LAURA: What kind of techniques, just in case, you know, we have to fight you? MATT: (laughter) “I’m not going to tell you, and it’s not that kind of tournament. Anyway, I do not mean "to be a problem. If ever you change your mind–” MARISHA: Is it the Gauntlet? Yeah, I know, what is it? LAURA: We have to go sign up for this. MATT: He pulls out a copper coin that’s a little larger than a normal piece of copper and goes, “Just ask around.” He tosses it to you and you take it. It looks like a small copper platter, coin-ish in its design, and on it is printed the name of his group, the Stubborn Stock. SAM: They’ve got business cards? That is so cool. LAURA: We need to get coins. MARISHA: We need coins, yeah. SAM: We need something. ASHLEY: How do I– what? Do I show it around or–? MATT: “Well, look for any place in a city where we might be or might not be and see if you’ve heard "of us in the vicinity. If they know where we are, they’ll bring you to us. If they don’t, they will not.” LAURA: Where did you get those coins? MATT: “One of our fellows makes them.” LAURA: You have a blacksmith in the thing?! MATT: “Loosely.” He takes it and shows it off. It’s not made that well. He goes, “It’s functional "more than it’s beautiful.” ASHLEY: I think it’s great, you know. MATT: “I appreciate that.” ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: “All right, anyway. We have to go prepare for this tournament. If you’re standing around, "please come cheer us on. That would be fantastic.” LAURA: We need to go sign up for the tournament. SAM: Absolutely, right now. MATT: “A pleasure to meet you, Mighty Nein!” LAURA: You too, Darrow! MATT: He heads off, back towards the Victory Pit. MARISHA: Which we awkwardly go in the same direction. It’s like when you say bye and then “Oh, are we–? Okay, we wait 30 seconds. One, two–” SAM: While we’re waiting, can I just say, why did we not think about branding? We should have coins, cards, you should be writing a big nine on a wall wherever we go! Like everywhere, just tagging it, just everywhere! LAURA: Why a nine though? SAM: Because we’re the Mighty Nein. LAURA: I thought the nine meant that– SAM: I know! They don’t know that. When you say it out loud, it’s much easier that our symbol is the number nine, don’t you think? TALIESIN: I think that if I saw lots of random nines around the city I don’t think I’d know what that was connected to. SAM: If you did know, then you’d be one of the cool kids. MARISHA: If you saw random mimes? LAURA: I’m going to start practicing making a cool logo for us in my sketchbook. LIAM: I am on an errand. MATT: What errand are you on? LIAM: Oh, well, I’ll wait until they wind down, perhaps. SAM: That could be a while. LIAM: It could be a while. Well, back at the Righteous Brand when I snuck out, would it be possible for me to find an alleyway or somewhere secluded so I can cast Disguise Self on myself? Around myself, not as myself. MATT: Yeah, a short jaunt. Not too hard to find a darkened corner where you can do it. LIAM: Yeah, okay. Then I would like to look exactly like I do, however, the clothing that I’m wearing is a shade of blue that is similar, but not identical, to the robes that I have seen people from the library of the Cobalt Soul. A similar blue and very large coke bottle glasses. My eyes go all fish-eyed. Everything else is the same. MATT: Okay. Easy enough to do. LIAM: I would like to find one of those people who was dressed like they came from that library that I saw that day with Beauregard. MATT: Okay. Make an investigation check as you begin to pore through the crowd doing this. You guys have noticed that Caleb’s been gone for a little bit. LIAM: It’s investigation, you said? MATT: Yes. LIAM: It’s a 24. MATT: Wow, yeah. Within a very short time, asking a few questions and looking through part of the crowd, one of them points over to the edge of the Pentamarket on the northern side, and over in that direction there are two of the robe-wearing individuals. One of the monks that works within the archive itself and one looks to be wearing higher up robes. You’re not sure what that means or what the ranking is within the Cobalt Soul. LIAM: I would like to approach them. MATT: All right, as you approach– LIAM: Yeah. Excuse me! I’m sorry. May I trouble you for a moment? I know this is untoward in the middle of a festival. MATT: The one that’s in the nicer dress you can see is apparently an elven woman. You see these kind of long strands of blond, almost silver hair that goes in front of the ears and the rest of the hair falls past the shoulders. Beautiful, natural, no makeup. Even for elven standards, you can see a little bit of age. This is an older elf in comparison to a lot of the brighter faces that turns to you. “Of course, what can we help you with?” LIAM: Oh, yeah. Again, I am very sorry. I am a traveling writer. I am writing a history of the great cities of the Empire and I have heard wonderful things about the library that is under your stead and I don’t know– I have viewed it from the outside, it is a beautiful structure, but I don’t know what it entails to visit it. I was wondering, do you allow outsiders? I don’t know if it costs a fee or if you need some sort of letter of recommendation, but I am very eager to learn about the library itself and the city and everything that I can learn about it so I can write more extensive– it would just mean so much to me. MATT: Make a deception check. LIAM: It’s all true, though. MATT: Well. LIAM: (laughs) It is a 13. MATT: A 13? Okay. “Well, of course. It is open to the public. You’re required to come when there is "an available monk to escort you through the premises. Of course, you cannot take anything from "the archive itself, but you’re welcome to read while in the presence of one of our various monks "and/or worshippers of the Knowing Mistress.” LIAM: The entire library? MATT: “Well, the public portions of it, yes.” LIAM: Oh, of course. MATT: “Yes. Just need to come on a day in which the archive is open and available, sign in, and "you will be assigned one of our various attendees of the archive and you will have the run of the "public library of which to read and make notes of. You may take your own copy of notes, but once, of "course, it is only within the public space.” LIAM: It is far simpler than I had imagined. MATT: “Yeah. Well, I’m glad you asked.” LIAM: Thank you so much. Forgive me, this is forward. What is your name? MATT: “I’m Jennah. Archivist Jennah.” LIAM: It is a pleasure. This is a different subject almost entirely, but I was wondering, I mean to make a stop at all the great libraries of this city. I was wondering, is it a similar situation at the Hall of Erudition? MATT: “They are a little different. They maintain their knowledge for those who are actually there "as part of the curriculum. You’ll have to speak to the headmaster as well. They have, from what we "know, as we are not allowed either, quite a decent cache of arcane knowledge as well. There has been "some sharing, but they are particular.” LIAM: What was the headmaster’s name? MATT: “That would be Ornit, I believe.” Let me double check here so I don’t say it wrong. No, that is, no, “Oremid Hass.” LIAM: Oremid Hass. MATT: “Yes.” LIAM: Oremid Haas is running the Halls of Erudition? MATT: “Yes.” LIAM: Okay. Apropos of nothing, I have heard about this tower attack. That’s terrible. MATT: “Yes, that was a bit disconcerting, definitely. Thankfully, it is a well-defended "tower. The Zauber Spire has stood for quite some time and has its capabilities defending itself as "we’ve seen.” LIAM: I’m amazed it did not fall. MATT: “Well, you should ask them how they did that. You’ll know as to why they’re so secretive.” LIAM: Do they accept– oh, no, they don’t accept visitors there. MATT: “Well, I don’t know. We always go on specific business, so you can certainly inquire. I "haven’t attempted to go from the standpoint of a possible student, but you could ask.” LIAM: Well, I have taken up enough of your time. MATT: “That is all right.” LIAM: I’d like to say thank you. Have a wonderful festival. MATT: “Of course. You as well. Happy Harvest Close.” LIAM: I turn a corner and fucking book it. MATT: As you return to the rest of the group, you guys are met by a strangely adorned Caleb with an interesting ensemble. LAURA: Got some new specs there. LIAM: What do you mean? ASHLEY: What did you just get up to? MARISHA: New robes, too. LIAM: I was sightseeing. TRAVIS: Oh. LAURA: Do you need those and we never knew? LIAM: Where are we right now? MATT: You guys are on the outside of the Victory Pit. The crowds are starting to swarm into a central archway that’s open. LIAM: Are they all around us or are we off to the side? MATT: Right now you are in part of the crowd as the people are rushing past. LIAM: Okay, so I lean down to tie my shoe and let the cloak fall around me, and I get down between Yasha and Fjord, and when I come up everything is back to normal. LAURA: Your glasses fell off when you were bent over. LIAM: It gives me a headache, so I took them off. TRAVIS: Where were you at? LIAM: Exactly what I was saying. I was sightseeing, I was asking about their libraries of the city. TRAVIS: Lots of them around here? LIAM: Not so many. MARISHA: Cobalt’s a good color on you. LIAM: What? MARISHA: You look good in blue. LIAM: (sniffs) TRAVIS: Okay, shall we go into the Victory Pit? LAURA: Yeah, let’s sign up! MATT: You guys gather your strength, your interest, your nerve. You go in with the rest of the crowd that is now beginning to gather towards the front end of the Victory Pit. As you step towards the central archway into the shaded interior of the main entryway, we’re going to take a break! We’ll be back here in a few minutes to pick up to this tournament and all that it entails. SAM: Aw, man. What a festival! LAURA: What a festival! MATT: Tonight as part of our Wyrmwood giveaway, we have a bocote tabletop dice tray from our friends at Wyrmwood. Very fancy leather interior, it’s very pretty. LAURA: Aren’t those the same kind– MATT: That is, actually yes. You can have Jester’s dice box, kind of. Tonight, the keyword is “celebration.” If you’d like to, come into the Twitch chat and enter the word “celebration” to become part of the drawing, as long as you are in the US and Canada outside of Quebec, otherwise you cannot enter. I am very sorry, laws are weird. Enter it only once. Any more than that and you may be disqualified. We will come back at the end of the break with a winner to be announced. Until then, we’ll see you guys here in a few minutes. [break] MATT: You guys are so slow on the draw tonight. Welcome back, everybody. Before we get kicked back in, we have our winner of the Wyrmwood giveaway tonight which is mumbly_joe1212. Congratulations! Danoba will get your information if he hasn’t already, and we’ll get that shipped out to you. Congrats. Diving back in, folks. You have muscled your way through the crowd, making your way into the shaded interior of the front portion, the receiving chamber of the Victory Pit, this two-leveled circular forum-like structure in the center of the Pentamarket. You push in the crowd, and people are starting to find each other and push away to find seats into some of the openings that lead off to the sides in the center. There is a pedestal with a barker or an organizer up there in a long dark gray and brown set of robes, a human male in his late 50s who’s fighting his own age and losing. The comb-over thinning hair and a broom-like gray mustache that’s poorly colored with dark wax. He’s shouting out to the crowd, he says, “Please enter slowly, the event begins "shortly in the next few hours. Would you push aside– (muttering) Yes, right! This way, please, "but go evenly!” He’s pushing off two different directions. What are you guys doing? LAURA: Should we go in, then? Yes? TALIESIN: Oh, I think we are. LAURA: Is this where we go if we’re going to fight? MATT: “I’m sorry? The fights will be soon.” LAURA: How do we be one of the fights? TRAVIS: Yeah, we’d like to enroll in the competition. MATT: “Oh, you wish to enter?” TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: “Oh, entry may have already been closed.” LAURA: Oh no, we’re real good! You definitely want us to be in this. We put on a real good show! MATT: “Let me ask.” He turns around and steps off of his pedestal and heads to this wooden door. It’s about ten feet behind and he shoves through, closes behind him and slams. A few moments pass and people begin filtering through still, pushing past you and bumping you in the shoulders. MARISHA: Hey, what do you think that dude meant when he said it wasn’t like a normal fight? LAURA: I don’t know. I wonder how experienced these fighters are? Do you think it’s stupid that we’re signing up for it without knowing much? SAM: Yes, very. LIAM: I’m also curious. Is it a bare-knuckles thing, or is no-holds-barred do whatever you want? MARISHA: Maybe it’s an obstacle course, you know, Ninja Warrior style. TRAVIS: Maybe it’s like a cook-off. TALIESIN: I’d be all right with that. LAURA: A cook-off, that is true. It could be. MARISHA: Maybe we all sit around and talk about our feelings. LAURA: Fjord, you’re really good at making chili. MATT: The door opens again across the way as you guys are having this conversation, and the gentleman comes out again and goes, “Quickly, follow me.” LAURA: Yes yes yes! MATT: You guys make your way through the crowd and follow him into this back chamber. You enter with him. There’s a slight hallway that leads into a low-lit lounge with comfortable furniture with cushions, there’s some firelight, a few torches set up in the chamber. There is a window across the way that looks out into the open of the Victory Pit’s main battle area. You can see servants wandering in similar brown silks and robes as the barker, but they’re carrying trays of food. You see guests in expensive clothing that dot the distant walls and areas of the chamber sitting atop these cushioned couches and talking in low voices to each other, broken with the occasional laugh. The older gentleman ushers you over and waves in the distance as a figure begins to approach. This is another human man in probably his early 60s or so, who has graying hair that is slicked back and even further thinned than the gentleman who first met you on the way in, who has a very well groomed goatee that comes to an accentuated curve up underneath in the front. He’s wearing a finely tailored dark blue festival suit. MARISHA: Ooh, styling! MATT: The barker says, “These are the ones who–” and the older guy goes, “Ah! It’s far too late in "the day. We couldn’t muster a– Very well. I am Yadaka Brigman, Guildhead of the Filigree House "and organizer of this harvest tournament. Who are you, and have you the coin to enter?” TRAVIS: Well, of course. We are the illustrious Mighty Nein. Servants of Zadash. MATT: “The Mighty Nein. Where are you from, Mighty Nein?” TRAVIS: All parts. LAURA: All over. Everywhere and nowhere. LIAM: DM, could you say that crazy-ass name again? MATT: Yadaka Brigman. “You are from everywhere.” LAURA: Yes. MATT: “You will be announced as from everywhere.” LAURA: That’s good. We are from lots of places, after all. MARISHA: Yeah, makes us feel very worldly. MATT: “That’s all right if that is what you require. All right! Well, we’ve warriors from "around the Marrow Valley come to compete today, many of which who’ll have been on the front lines "of the eastern wastes. Are you still eager to lose your coin and risk your life?” TRAVIS: I forget. Refresh my memory about what the fee is for entering this contest. MATT: “20 gold pieces per fighter. Groups of five to eight are allowed to enter. There are "three rounds to this tournament.” LAURA: We’ll have to leave one of our members– SAM: That’s true. MARISHA: Poor Stan. MATT: “Each victory is 200 gold to be dispersed amongst your group and the winners that remain at "the end split a 2,000 gold purse.” TRAVIS: Yeah, I believe that entry fee is along the lines of what I remember. MARISHA: Yeah, that seems standard. TRAVIS: 20 gold will be fine. LAURA: Are there rules or are we just allowed to use whatever we come into the tournament with? MATT: “Whatever you bring in there is at your disposal to utilize. With your group that would "make four who have signed up for the tournament today. You will brought down to the "waiting/holding area and each group will be brought into the Victory Pit to face off with the "chosen peril.” MARISHA: Wait, how did you get four? SAM: Four groups. MATT: “Four groups. You are the fourth to have signed up.” LAURA: Only three schmeasly other groups? ASHLEY: What are we fighting? Are we fighting the other groups, or are we fighting something– MATT: “Of course not! You’re fighting a number of creatures that have been acquired and kept for "this tournament. Beasts and things that have been either found wandering over the ranges of Xhorhas "or have terrorized the local countryside and have been brought to us by the Righteous Brand for this "sort of tournament.” SAM: Are there frightening beasts? Big beasts? Magical beasts? TRAVIS: We know there are. I mean, that’s what we’re looking for, right? MATT: “There may very well be, young lass.” SAM: Then why are we doing this? MATT: “Good question.” TRAVIS: Our friends, the Stubborn Stock, said that this was the thing to do for people of our mettle. SAM: We’re going to fight dangerous monsters. TRAVIS: Could you tell us who the other two groups are, besides ourselves and the Stubborn Stock? MATT: “Well, do you wish to join?” TRAVIS: Of course, yeah. MATT: “Then present your coin. What is your name?” TRAVIS: Fjord. Here, 20 gold. MARISHA: Beauregard. LIAM: Caleb. Beauregard, can you front me 16 gold? MARISHA: (sighs) LIAM: There’s four more for you. MARISHA: His name is Caleb and Beauregard, I want that clear and on the record. It’s Caleb and Beauregard. LIAM: Yeah, and Beauregard is the family name. SAM: Kylre. LAURA: Fancypants. 20 gold. There you are. MATT: “Very well.” TALIESIN: Mollymauk. ASHLEY: Yasha. MATT: “Thank you. We’ve managed to squeeze you in at the last moment. The rules are as such. Each "team will face off with one of these encounters we’ve developed for this tournament, continuing on "if victorious to face another, until the other teams fall, you fall, or the third round is "completed. Should there be more than one victory team at the end you will divide the purse amongst "you. However, these will increase in difficulty the further you remain. You will not be allowed "but the time it takes for the other teams to battle before you face once more. Previous years "have shown us no more than maybe 20 minutes. Whatever you have in each round is what you go in "with. Use your time wisely. All of this will be displayed in front of the Starosta, the appointees "of the Crown, and the elite of the Tri-Spires. Money and glory is here before you.” LAURA: What happens if somebody in one of the other groups dies or something when fighting the creatures? MATT: “We have clerics on hand, and outside of extenuating circumstances, we’ve only had one true "fatality in the past 20 years of running this festival, so you should be all right.” LAURA: Good to know. TRAVIS: For the other groups. LAURA: For the other groups, yes. MATT: At this point, there’s a bit of commotion at the front entrance where you guys entered where you see a figure rush in, a young human man. He’s sweating, longer blond hair past his ears. He’s wearing a very bright gold and red outfit and is carrying a satchel over one shoulder as he rushes in and talks to somebody. He points over in the direction and heads up to where your group is. Yadaka goes, “I’m terribly sorry. Page!” The page looks up. “What business have you from the Crown?” Looking over his attire, the page goes, (breathing heavily) “I must speak with the "Starosta immediately under order from King Bertrand Dwendal himself.” Yadaka goes, “Right. "Come with me. I apologize. You’ll have to give us just a moment.” He turns around. “Urgent matters. "Enjoy some feasting while you’re here.” Him and the page walk maybe 20 feet from you to a corner where you can see there is a central couch there where a few figures are sitting, and they rush up. LIAM: Kitty. MARISHA: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right, so you roll a stealth check for your cat. (laughter) LAURA: Cat butt right in their face. MARISHA: Yeah, just sprays them! MATT: As your cat begins to approach, one of the servants goes, “You can’t be in here,” and– (laughter) Not everyone’s going to kick a cat into dust! Picks up Frumpkin and begins to bring Frumpkin away while the page begins gathering a breath and you now see a very well-dressed halfling with a curled mass of brown hair up top. It’s graying and white on the sides, who sits up to meet with another important figure. Frumpkin has been pulled away. LIAM: Where did my cat go? MATT: Your cat is being held by a servant. LIAM: The last I see of Frumpkin is where? MATT: Being led back towards where you came, like taking the cat outside. LIAM: Okay. I count to six and then I snap my fingers and pull him off of this plane. MATT: Okay. Servant’s probably confused. What’re you guys doing? LAURA: I guess I’m going to do some jumping jacks to prepare for this. LIAM: I have a leather thong or a string wrapped a couple of times– I’m going to ignore Laura Bailey– wrapped around my thigh and I will grip it in my hand and say a few arcane words and cast Mage Armor and out from the leather strap around my leg, a light shimmer goes up over the entire body for a split second and is gone. MATT: All right. LAURA: I would much prefer if it was actually a leather thong that you had to put on in order to get the Mage Armor. LIAM: You have not seen me with my clothes off yet. MATT: There are the groups that are talking and eating, there’s the page currently engaging with the folks and the figure, there’s a couple of servants passing around trays of food. What are the rest of you doing? You have retrieved your Frumpkin into your space. LAURA: How do we prepare for this, Fjord? TRAVIS: Well, I have no idea what we’re going to face. SAM: Fighting monsters! TRAVIS: We don’t know that. SAM: That’s what the guy said! We’re fighting monsters. MATT: There’s another clap and you see two other figures get pulled from the other side to join the conversation by the couch. SAM: Should we go find out what’s going on over there? LAURA: I don’t think we can. SAM: I could sneaky-sneak over there and listen. TRAVIS: Yeah, go for it. MARISHA: Can you give her some blessing-type of situation? LAURA: Oh yes (jibberish). SAM: I will cast Silent Image and I’m going to go up to the corner, make the image of a three-foot by three-foot box around me. MARISHA: You’re going full Solid Snake here? SAM: I’m going to just (quick footsteps). LAURA: That’s not noticeable at all. MATT: Okay, make your stealth check with advantage. TRAVIS: Amazing. SAM: Stealth? MATT: You get advantage because of her blessing. SAM: Oh, wow. 19. MATT: Okay. You saunter up at a relatively close distance. Make a perception check if you’re trying to listen in. SAM: Can I see through the box? Oh, it’s a listening perception. MATT: Well, the box is an illusion. SAM: Four. MATT: (laughter) Four. TRAVIS: Fuck. MATT: You catch bits and pieces. Okay, what you hear is the page hurriedly saying, “–which skies "now darken Brokenveil, over 1000 dead, the Ashguard Garrison is taken.” You hear this conversation a bit hush to hush, and a little bit of (shushing). Starosta peeks in a bit. You only catch the next bit which goes, “What’s the king’s response?” Then you hear the page respond and say, “–formally declared war on Kryn Dynasty and the wastes of Xhorhas.” There’s some more muttering. You miss that. You miss that. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: (laughter) You miss that. LIAM: Secret warp zone to level eight, miss that. MATT: Yadaka pipes in and goes, “Starosta, to announce anything like that would set panic and "change nothing. We are far from the fight. For now, let them have a day to rejoice. We’ll "announce tomorrow.” You miss the next thing, you miss the next thing. The last thing you hear is the Starosta say, “I’ll send word to General Grinbreaker and begin preparing her legion to move "east. Tomorrow we’ll notify the public, but page, return word to Rexxentrum that Zadash prepares to "join the front. Now, go.” The page turns and leaves. SAM: (quick footsteps) Still in box form, I am going to go back up to them. MATT: Okay. SAM: Hey guys, it’s me. I’m in a box! LAURA: Well, take it off. SAM: No, it’s not a real box. I’ll stick my hand through it. I heard everything! TRAVIS: What’s going down? SAM: There’s an attack on Ashguard something. LAURA: Oh! That’s the garrison over by the– SAM: Okay, thank you! The King said we’re going to declare war on Xhorhas or something like that, I don’t remember. Then there’s 1000 dead! The skies were black– LAURA: On our side or their side? SAM: I don’t know! Maybe ours? At the Garrison there was 1000 dead, so that’s our side? Wait, no, we’re not on sides! We don’t like the Empire! LAURA: I mean, who cares, right? SAM: Anyway, but they wanted to declare war and they’re not going to until tomorrow. LAURA: Good thing we didn’t join the army, huh? SAM: Yes! TALIESIN: What makes you think they’re not going to start conscripting people tomorrow? LAURA: Oh no! Maybe if you competed and they saw you were awesome, they’re going to tell you you have to join. SAM: We should throw the fight. TALIESIN: Maybe we should win the fight, then maybe think about getting out of town? TRAVIS: I agree with Molly. MARISHA: Caleb, is there anything about this letter? LIAM: Do I notice anything? MATT: Which letter? MARISHA: I don’t know, I’m paranoid right now. It’s just the scroll from the– MATT: It’s a pamphlet. MARISHA: I don’t know, ignore what I just said. TALIESIN: Made it at Kinko’s. TRAVIS: Are there crownsguard in the little waiting area that we’re in? MATT: There are at the entrance where you came in and each side. TRAVIS: Can I make my way to one that’s over by the entrance? MATT: Okay. You back up towards where you guys came in, and there’s a crownsguard there, arms crossed, looking up. TRAVIS: Man, I cannot wait to see this year’s Victory Pit competition! I hear the beasts are heartier than they were last year. MATT: “I certainly hope so. It’s going to be a lot of fun to watch.” TRAVIS: Which one is your favorite so far? MATT: “Oh, which one?” TRAVIS: The beast they selected this year. MATT: “Well, I haven’t seen them. They keep those under wraps. It’s part of the surprise.” TRAVIS: Really? MATT: “Yeah!” TRAVIS: Man, I heard you guys were more informed than that. MATT: (laughter) “Not us, that’s above our pay grade.” TRAVIS: Really? Sheesh. What do you got to do to get duty like that? MATT: “Well, you probably have to go to the King’s Hall and sign up for the Crownsguard. Kiss ass for "a few years and maybe then.” TRAVIS: Where do the handlers of those beasts stay around here? MATT: “I don’t know. That’s, once again, outside of my jurisdiction. They keep a lot of things "separate intentionally.” TRAVIS: Fair enough. You feel like dropping a coin on a team, remember The Mighty Nein. MATT: “Right. Appreciate that, friend.” TRAVIS: I walk away. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: That was good. That was very good. LIAM: It occurs to me that starting tomorrow, it would be more important than ever that we stick together. LAURA: All of us, or just you and Nott? LIAM: All of us. MARISHA: Jester, high-five. MATT: At this point, the barker who met you originally says, “Sorry to bother you, but they’re "gathering the various teams down into the holding area. I’ll have to escort you. Please come with me.” MARISHA: As we walk off, I hold Caleb and walk behind a little bit. What did you hear at the Cobalt Soul? LIAM: What? MARISHA: You were trying to get into the Cobalt Soul, right? LIAM: Yeah, I talked to some people from there, yeah. MARISHA: You replicated robes from the Cobalt Soul, right? That’s what you were going for. LIAM: Actually, it was not the exact same color. It was a similar color, but not the same color. MARISHA: Yeah, that was a nice little error on your part. You got real close. I can tell that you were trying to get the dyes. You know, the gradients. LIAM: Beauregard, is there something that you are after here? MARISHA: Did you hear anything? LIAM: Nothing pertaining to what we have just learned. If that is what you are looking for, no. I want to enter that library, although tomorrow, anything goes. I don’t know. MARISHA: I’ll get you into the library if you want. LIAM: How will you get me into the library? MARISHA: I pull back my belt a little bit and show him the rest of the script written out on the back of my belt from the Cobalt Reserve. LIAM: Would I instantly recognize that as the same as the people I spoke to? MATT: As far as the– MARISHA: On my trainer’s belt on the back. SAM: Do you have a tramp stamp back there? MARISHA: No, it’s on my belt. Fancy embroidery on the inside of my belt. MATT: Right. You look at it and there is similar design to some of the outfits and the– LIAM: I mean, there’s probably enough to go on here. She’s also dressed in blue. She’s basically going– MATT: Yeah. You pick up on it. LIAM: Well, if we’re not all dead in 48 hours, maybe we can talk about that again. MARISHA: Yeah. Don’t look at me like that! You can look at me, just don’t look at me like that! You’re not going to look at me now, are you? Okay. It’s fine. You know what, we’ll talk about it tomorrow. MATT: You guys are continuing to be escorted down past. Most everyone has filtered into their seats. There’s still stragglers finding their way in, and as the day’s sun is getting further into the mid-afternoon, you guys are brought down to an area that is similar to that lounge area, but far less in its decor and comfort. This chamber has two windowed doors on the opposite side that are cut through windows that lead into the central arena. You can smell the dust on the opposite side. The interior is outfitted with about three dozen simple stools that are scattered about, a few tables with cornucopias of fruits and meats that are set, and a few folks you see are feasting on them. There are two stationed healers of the Platinum House of Bahamut, the Platinum Dragon. They are the ones stationed there to prevent folks from dying and the other combatants. In one corner, there are five soldiers of the Righteous Brand, one of which is Gunther, who are in the process of taking large handfuls of food and eating and getting themselves some energy for battle. As soon as you enter, they glance over and give a bit of a nod of notification. Gunther, looking straight to you, grabs an apple of some kind, and throws it at you. “Eat. You’ll need it.” ASHLEY: Thank you. LAURA: (whispers) He’s got a crush on you, I can tell. MARISHA: (whispers) Don’t let him tell you what to do! SAM: I’m in a box! (laughter) LAURA: We have a little box traveling with us. LIAM: I drop a little bit of spell components through the box. MATT: It looks like amongst them there is one acting as leader, or at least is in the process of discussing tactics among the small troupe, though you can’t hear exactly what he is saying. An elven man with short brown hair, and these sky blue piercing eyes who is in the process of giving orders to them. Then he walks off to the side, pulls a blade out and begins practicing. It’s this very elegant, almost dance-like blade technique. On the opposite side of the room to them, all leaning against the wall, you see five dwarves and two gnomes that are all wearing black and gold variations to armor, robes. They are avoiding all social engagements and staring, mad dogging everyone else in the chamber. As soon as you enter, all their eyes shift in your direction, and they watch you as you step into the chamber. In the center of them, you see a gray haired dwarven women, weathered skin and a surly grin as you approach, gleaming these yellow teeth from beneath, who gives a bit of a squinted stare at you as you pass by. You see two battleaxes resting at the side of her belt, hanging off of her armor. MARISHA: Is she her own team? MATT: Then over by the doors, snacking and looking out the window into the pit before you, you see a group of six individuals in scuffed armor of green and brown with weathered armor and skin that shows experience and travel. Markings and accessories gives you a sense of inland Menagerie Coast heritage, and there you see Darrow who you had met earlier in the tournament, who’s leaning out the window. He turns around as you enter and goes, “Ah, so you did indeed decide to join. Not too bad, "I’m excited to see how well you do.” ASHLEY: Have you been in this tournament before? MATT: “I have not, but I’ve been hearing about it. I’m excited to give it my all, as you say.” TRAVIS: What are you going to do about the flying creatures? MATT: “That’s a good question. I imagine that’s less of my worry, and more of theirs.” He points out to the rest of the people in the stands, and goes, “I certainly hope they have ways to deal "with that, otherwise that’s going to be a very unhappy day tomorrow for the people in the city.” TRAVIS: Indeed. LAURA: There will be a very unhappy day tomorrow. TALIESIN: Ixnay. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: “That is not cryptic at all. Well, the Stubborn Stock are my esteemed mercenary band. "Friends, this is the–” TRAVIA: The Mighty Nein. MATT: “The Mighty Nein, we met earlier at the places with the games.” All of them give a nod and then grunt and reach over and start shaking hands. They seem, of all the people in here, the most friendly. As soon as this happens, the crowd outside starts cheering loudly. The sounds of chaos begin to build. MARISHA: Mortal Kombat! MATT: The cheers swell, and swell. You hear feet slamming throughout the entire event, causing dust to come down off the ceiling above you. You begin to realize that you are below some of the stands. A figure across the way emerges from another doorway from the right and the crowd goes crazy. This humanoid figure steps to the center. Now looking through the windows, you can see this is an open circular sand pit, where there are some wall-like structures in places and pillars beyond those to break up the interior. It has some small areas for cover and these pillars in the far corners of each side. This figure who walks in is a tall half-giant figure covered in tattoos and spiked armor. As he approaches, his hands in the air as the crowd’s yelling and screaming. LAURA: I hope we don’t have to fight him. MARISHA: I want to be him. MATT: Steps out. “Welcome, all fair peoples of the great empire under our King Bertrand Dwendal, may "his grace bless this harvest’s end and grant us a warm winter.” The crowd goes crazy. “I am your "humble Jermai Kull, previous champion. While I have left the fight, I now live for the fights of "others. It is my pleasure to bring you this year’s great tournament.” The crowd swells again. Some of the groups behind start mounting up behind you and everyone’s crowding around the windows. “We "welcome our guests of high esteem on this day. Give your applause to our keeper of freedom and "order, Lawmaster Orentha Stonegrasp.” He points across the way up in the stands. The cheers go bright and you see a figure stand up, and you can see the gray haired dwarf who you had met in the King’s Hall earlier. She’s the Lawmaster of Zadash who had come out to thank you for the job you had done in slaying the phase spider in the sewers. She raises a hand and then sits down. Make a perception check as she waves her hand and gray hair– TRAVIS: Natural one. MATT: Nope. TALIESIN: 17. SAM: 18. LAURA: Nine. MARISHA: 20. ASHLEY: Six. MATT: You glancing there, your eagle sight of an inquisitive monk of the Cobalt Soul, glance past and you can see where she’s sitting, and there, about two people over sitting in the stand next to her is a familiar face. Pretty sure that’s Dolan. SAM and MARISHA: Our Dolan. LAURA: Oh. He was supposed to go. Right? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Yeah. Okay. LIAM: Caleb is popping his hood up over his head and face. MATT: “We also bring to this tournament the Headmaster of the Zauber Spire, who repelled the "Crick assault on our great place of arcane learning. Shaping the minds of our future mages, "Oremid Hass!” As the crowd cheers again, you see, back a row and to the left, a figure stand and raise a hand. Once again, everybody roll a perception check, please. SAM: Wow. MARISHA: Ugh, that was so bad. Not good. Five. LIAM: Ten. LAURA: 16. TALIESIN: Six. SAM: Nine. ASHLEY: Six. TRAVIS: Nine. MATT: Nine. 16 was the highest? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Who was that? LAURA: Me. MATT: That was Jester. Jester, you glance up and see, best you can a figure, a stocky, dark brown skinned man with very short curled black hair across the top of the head, very square jaw, in long red and gray robes. He raises a hand and smiles and everyone cheers. Sitting next to him you see a figure that you had seen before. You can make out an older human man with longer gray hair, bald on top. This was the mage you saw floating in the sky during the attack. LAURA: Is he in white? Is that the color of robes he– MATT: Yes, white and gold. LAURA: Whoa. MATT: “None of this would be possible if not for the love of you, and celebration from our esteemed "Starosta Wyatt Fedar!” There at the very front of that same area, you see the same halfling who was talking earlier to the page, step up on a small platform to give him a little more height and prestige amongst this point. The male halfling with the curly hair and the graying sides raises his hands and give a soft bow, and the crowd explodes and cheers. MARISHA: You said this is the Starosta, right? MATT: This is him. “Now, we begin to bring in our fighters for this, and our first competing team of "this Victory Pit tournament: The Last Line, all the way from Bladegarden!” The doors open, and all the gentlemen and ladies in the Righteous Brand armor push past you, with Gunther and the elven gentleman, step out into the light. Now you can see the cloudy sky has broken up a bit, and there is a bit of sunlight coming down into this pit. They step out into the center as the emcee begins to step away. He goes, “May the first fight be a memorable one.” He steps back and enters a distant door that closes behind him. They all spread out and prepare. Across the way, a door opens and you see something shift out in chains that are then pulled off the body and the doors close behind. There you see a 12-foot tall frog-humanoid-like creature with a giant belly that begins to lumber forward towards them. They all immediately assault this entity, jumping in the air, vaulting off sides of the walls, assaulting it. One gets smacked in the face, it grabs another and throws it onto the ground. Another one rushes up as it grabs and slams it onto the floor and puts its weight on top of it, one foot pushing it down. Gunther rushes up with a blade and carves into a large section of its face. The crowd goes crazy as it pulls back and shoves Gunther off with a back fist. The elven leader rushes forward and does a few quick swipes with his blade. The large toad creature grabs it and attempts to swallow him, and manages to do so, completely ingests the leader. The rest begin to assault. Make an arcana check. LIAM: 18. MATT: 18. You don’t recognize the creature, but there’s something about this entity. SAM: There’s just something about him. TRAVIS: No, nine. MATT: No. All right, this fight goes on for another minute or so. You watch them trade blows back and forth. Nobody falls, and eventually the general carves his way from the stomach of the beast with a giant swipe of his blade. You watch as the blood begins to pour from it as he leaps out, coated in saliva and the creature’s own crimson, spins around, and as the large toad beast pulls back, they all together, with one unified strike, surround and attack it. The beast lumbers forward and falls to the ground, unconscious. With a rousing cheer from the audience, the previous doors open. As the soldiers raise their weapons high and give a respectful bow, they begin to walk back towards the holding area, as they drag the unconscious body of this creature back to where it came. LAURA: Do we all fight the same type of creature? TALIESIN: Probably not. MATT: The emcee shouts again from the side, “With that, the banderhobb has fallen!” SAM: Bander rob? MATT: “Next, a last minute addition to today’s tournament. We bring forth, traveled from "everywhere–” LAURA: That’s us! MATT: “The Mighty Nein!” SAM: Oh, shit, it’s us! MATT: The doors open again, and you guys are given a straight path into the center of this field. TRAVIS: Yeah, bring it out! LAURA: Oh my god! SAM: This was such a good day. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: It’s okay. I bumped it on the way over. SAM: Whoa. Did you print that? On a laser printer? MATT: No, this was from Mats by Mars, they do awesome stuff. LAURA: Oh my god, that’s so cool. MATT: You guys can place yourselves where you’d like. SAM: Where’s the doors to the– oh, they’re over there. Got it. MATT: Any particular placement you’d like, as you guys have a moment to set yourselves up here. LIAM: Would I have been able to cast a spell as we are pushed forward into all this mess? MATT: You would. LIAM: Blur. MATT: Blur, all right. You have a Blur spell on right now. TRAVIS: Put me behind that wall, yep. MARISHA: Where’s the opening? LAURA: Yeah, where did the monster come out of? MATT: You guys entered from this side over here, and you saw the monster enter from this space. LAURA: Oh, okay. LIAM: Matt, I take that back. I’m not going to cast Blur. Sorry, my apologies. MATT: All righty. LAURA: Can you help me? MATT: What do you want to do? LAURA: I want to be there. ASHLEY: Can I do that on the other one, opposite her? MATT: Sure. TALIESIN: I’ll back up into mine. LIAM: As close to the center as is possible. SAM: I will be behind the pillar over there. MATT: Over here? SAM: No, this one over– yes, thank you. TALIESIN: That, I think, is the door where it opens. MARISHA: It could be anywhere, to be fair. LAURA: Oh, right. There’s multiple doors. MATT: The emcee disappears and vanishes into the back. You guys all take a quiet moment, looking around you in silence. As the audience gets quiet, still, you can see hundreds and hundreds of faces all staring, strangely formless when it’s a cloud like this in all directions, little beams of light peeking through the clouds, hitting the sand and dirt on the ground before you. In that quiet, you hear (slamming). You glance around briefly and see not one, but two doors seem to have opened. TRAVIS: Oh, good. MATT: Only one of them has a creature that emerges. It seems like they’re playing mind games with you so you don’t know where it’s coming– TRAVIS: Or the other one’s invisible. MATT: The door to this side suddenly swings open, and a beast begins to lumber out, chains detaching from manacles on two of its tethered, large tentacle-like arms. This grayish-brown mass, probably close to 15 feet in height, with a giant mouth filled with teeth and a large tongue that lolls off the side. Three tendrils reach off of it as these large, heavy feet pull it forward. Smell wafts around it of feces and rot. I need all of you to roll initiative, as this creature emerges right there. LAURA: It’s a big eating-poop pile! LIAM: Liam knows what that is. Grody to the max! LAURA: Yeah, gag me with a spoon, Mrs. Henderson! ASHLEY: Gag me with a spoon! MATT: 25 to 20. MARISHA: Hang on! Oh, that moved it! It was a 19 plus one. 24! SAM: Whoa! MATT: 24, all right. TALIESIN: 23. MATT: Beau, Molly! Anybody else? Okay, 20 to 15. LIAM: 18. MATT: 18 for Caleb. SAM: Oh, 16 here. MATT: All right, Nott. 15 to ten? Ten to five? LAURA, TRAVIS, and ASHLEY: Six! MATT: Oh, dear. MARISHA: Oh no! It’s a sign. SAM: (demonic voice) Present! MATT: All righty, I believe that’s everyone? TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: Top of the round, as this being (stomping) (sucking), its tongue slabbering around its open maw, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: (inhales) Okay! I can clear the distance, right? 40 feet? MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20, 25. Yeah, easily. SAM: Oh yeah, go closer to the creature. That’s a good idea. LAURA: That’s what she does! MARISHA: I fight with my fists, Sam! SAM: I don’t like it! It’s scary! ASHLEY: Fists of fury! LAURA: Fists of fury, Mrs. Henderson! ASHLEY: Fists of furry, Mrs. Henderson! MARISHA: Before I run off, I go: Does anyone know if this is a time trial, or something? Then I run off towards it. MATT: Okay, are you driving straight towards it? Or are you coming from a specific angle? MARISHA: No, I mean, straight towards it. MATT: All right, there you go. MARISHA: Then, instead of my staff, I’m drawing my two wooden swords that I won with Nott. SAM: Oh, no. MARISHA: I’m going to beat face with my wooden swords, with my two attacks. MATT: Okay, so are you– MARISHA: This is going to be great! MATT: Here’s my question: is this just flavor to your unarmed strikes, or are you actually trying to damage it with the wooden swords? MARISHA: I was thinking more like flavor to my unarmed strikes, but I’m a monk, so? MATT: All right, so it looks like you’re fighting with the swords, but you’re really punching with them. MARISHA: I’m punching. MATT: It’s more for the show of it. MARISHA: Yeah. It’s funsies. LIAM: What if they are like police batons? MATT: They’re not that strong. LAURA: They’re like balsa wood. MATT: Go ahead. Two attacks. MARISHA: First one’s a 14, second one’s a seven plus six, so sorry, 20 for the first one and 13 for the second. MATT: First one hits, second one misses. MARISHA: Okay, ooh! That is 12 damage. MATT: 12 points of damage as you hit it and you feel the actual wood of the sword crack a little bit, but your fist does hit the beast in the side, its giant blubbery, nasty body, almost slippery and sticky on impact, shifts from the blow. Is that your turn? MARISHA: Then I’m going to spend a ki point and do one more. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Flurry of blows. That’s not good at all. Ten. MATT: Total ten? That misses. The third blow goes wide, no impact. That ends your turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to use Vicious Mockery and just, you know: (demonic voice) You’ve got no arms, it’s awful! It’s a psychic attack. LAURA: I start laughing. MATT: That’s a– TALIESIN: It says wisdom, but is it charisma? MATT: It’s a wisdom save, but it’s charisma-based. The DC’s ten. TALIESIN: Okay, yeah. MATT: That’s a natural 20 on its saving throw. TALIESIN: That saves. MATT: Sorry. TALIESIN: That’s okay. I’m going to also use my bonus action to light my other sword. MATT: All right, so you have both blades now going? TALIESIN: I have both blades going now, so I’m knocking that down. MATT: Which rite? TALIESIN: With not the ice, the– MATT: The Rite of the Dawn? Okay, got it. Both of your blades are now glowing. TALIESIN: I’m going to run, let’s see, I’ve got 30 feet? I’m going to cross and run for cover behind that. MATT: There? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: That ends your turn, Molly. It is now the creature’s turn. LAURA: Oh, let’s see what it weirdly does. It’s going to poop on you! SAM: Or breathe some awful breath of death. TALIESIN: It’s going to swallow people. MATT: It’s going to step up right there. As it passes by, it’s going to go ahead and swing one of its large tentacle arms, which you see have these long, curved tooth-like protrusions at the end, almost like a slapping squid tentacle. It swings toward you, Beau, with the first one. Natural one. Nope, that misses. You manage to duck it. However, it swings– okay, that is a 17 to hit, what’s your armor class? MARISHA: 17. MATT: Just hits. As the tentacle misses to strike you, it does manage to grab you from behind and pull you in toward its mouth. As it opens and chomps down on you– MARISHA: Aw, gross! MATT: Yeah, you’re pulled into its poopy mouth. LAURA: Ew! It’s like Charlie! MATT: That is 15 points of piercing damage, and I need you to roll a constitution saving throw, as the horribly– LAURA: How much damage did he do? MATT: 15 points of piercing damage. LAURA: 15 fucking points! MATT: Make a constitution saving throw, please. MARISHA: Don’t. Fuck. Me Gil! Ooh, that was almost a natural 20! This always happens with Gil. Six? MATT: Six, no. As the teeth sink into your body and you pull away, you feel this mild infection already begin to set inside you, and you are poisoned. LAURA: Oh no, you’re poisoned! MARISHA: He gives you heartburn, you guys. It’s real bad. MATT: The other tentacle is going to swing over towards you, Jester, as it sees you around the corner. That, however, is a really poor roll. That’s going to be an eight, that misses you. You duck and it hits the stone, causing this dust to spray off of it from the impact. That’s going to end its turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I pull out a handful of iron powder, and I throw it into the air so it’s a big cloud, and my two hands go (sweeping noise), and Yasha grows to twice her normal size. ALL: What?! TRAVIS: Oh, shit. MATT: For the purposes of that, we’ll put Yasha on this big old dice there. ASHLEY: Does that mean I do twice the damage? MATT: Not twice. SAM: Yes, it does. LIAM: Then I will use my movement to get over to the corner near Fjord. If I could get around it, I would, but I’m sure I don’t have enough movement. MATT: Six is about as close as you can get, there. LIAM: Yeah, so you’re at advantage because of your size and all of your attacks have an additional 1d4. ASHLEY: (high-pitched) Ooh! SAM: She’s huge! LIAM: She’s 14 feet tall. SAM: 14? LIAM: No, you’re six? 12 feet tall. ASHLEY: I’m like 5'11”. LIAM: 12-ish feet tall. Doubles it. Your weight is eight times its normal weight. MATT: You have advantage on strength checks and saving throws, which is what your rage does, but your weapons do an additional 1d4 points of damage when you hit, which is good. ASHLEY: Excellent. I’m into that. MARISHA: I’ve had this dream. MATT: Caleb, that ends your turn. MARISHA: Question, quick retroactive one: Can I use my reaction attack when that thing attacked Jester to do my Sentinel thing? MATT: You can, yeah. MARISHA: Can I do that? MATT: Go for it. As it strikes and misses Jester, you get one swing, but it’s with disadvantage on the attack because you’re poisoned. MARISHA: Nope. MATT: Swing wide, unfortunately you’re hazy in your view, and you feel the poison start to seep into your veins, the diseased bite of the creature starting to infect your torso. That ends Caleb’s turn, Nott, you’re up. SAM: I will shoot my thing at it! MATT: You other three are up after that, at the same time. SAM: 21 to hit. MATT: That hits! Roll damage. SAM: Is Yasha– MATT: Yeah, they’re adjacent, so you get sneak attack. LAURA: Whoa, that’s good. MATT: Oh, damn! SAM: Okay, (counting) 19. MATT: 19 points of damage. SAM: Wait, you know what? If I’m going to be honest, that thing is beyond 30 feet, so I would have moved in closer so I don’t have to fire at disadvantage. MATT: Okay, so I’ll put you about there to do that. SAM: Then do I have any movement left? MATT: Five feet. SAM: All right, well then I’ll dash and I’ll go back around towards me, behind this corner and hide. Just duck back there. That’s it! Take a swig. MATT: Take a swig. It’s a free action. All right, Jester, Yasha, and Fjord, you guys are going at the same time, so you decide who is going to take their action first. TRAVIS: Ladies first. ASHLEY: We can go in that order. MATT: All right, so Jester, Yasha, then Fjord. Jester. LAURA: Okay, well he’s right there, so I’m going to use Sacred Flame on him. Oh, actually I’m really close and he’s already been hurt. I’m going to Toll the Dead on him. MATT: What saving throw is that? LAURA: That is a wisdom saving throw! MATT: Rolled a four. Three plus one. LAURA: I get to hit him! Seven points of damage! MATT: Seven points of necrotic damage. As the bell (ringing) you watch as the creature shimmies in place. LAURA: I want to back away! Did he already use his reaction at all? MATT: You don’t think so. What do you want to do? LAURA: Oh no. SAM: Just run away. What could happen? MARISHA: Run away! LAURA: No, fuck it, I’m going to stay right there. MATT: Jester stays. Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: If I move– SAM: (deep voice) I’m sorry, you have to talk like this now. ASHLEY: (deep voice) If I move (normal voice) right here, am I ten feet of the creature, but they’re not ten feet of me, right? MATT: You don’t get reach with the Enlarge, so you still have to get one more to hit with the melee weapon. ASHLEY: Okay, I get one more, but I’m not ten feet away from Beau and Jester, right? MATT: You’re ten feet away from Beau, currently. ASHLEY: Can I go one over to the right? MATT: There? You’re ten feet away from Jester, yeah. LIAM: Who do you choose? ASHLEY: You know what, I won’t do that right now. I would like to rage. MATT: Rage kicks in. ASHLEY: I’m going to use my Magician’s Judge sword and start swinging. MATT: You have any reckless attacks, or not? ASHLEY: Say again? MATT: No, that’s fine. ASHLEY: Oh, no. 14. MATT: 14 just hits, go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: You get advantage, remember. MATT: Not on attacks. If she does reckless, she gets advantage. LAURA: Okay, sorry. LIAM: And your 1d4 for being gigantic. ASHLEY: (counting) 20. MATT: 20 points of damage with the strike. As large Yasha (heavy footsteps)– SAM: You added all your shit to that? ASHLEY: I added all my shit. MATT: This is going to be a thing. I have to make a large Yasha figure now. Swing the giant blade with two hands. As the blade carves down, it embeds itself four or five inches into the body of the creature. It pulls back instinctually, and as it does, it drags the blade through its body and blood sprays out. The blood itself is a thick brown color, and the smell gets even worse as it begins to spray its ichor around the air. Well done. Is that your turn? ASHLEY: Yep, and I’m going to stay right there. MATT: Fjord, your turn. TRAVIS: Can I turn towards the beast, and I’ll cast Eldritch Blast at it. MATT: Go for it. You step out from behind cover. TRAVIS: That is a 23 to hit. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That is a ten plus four, 14 points of damage. MATT: Nice! TRAVIS: Can I roll back behind cover? MATT: You can. Dart back onto the edge– TRAVIS: Even a couple more. Out of view, there we go. MATT: That ends your turn. Top of the round, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I’m going to fight, both my swords, pop pop, coming down on his head. Don’t fuck me, Gil. That’s all right, 18. MATT: Disadvantage on all attacks. MARISHA: Disadvantage because I’m poisoned. 18. MATT: 18 hits! LIAM: Matt, is that ring for what, concentration? MATT: Concentration. MARISHA: That’s not a thing. Nine damage. MATT: Nine points of damage as you strike it. This time, the wooden sword does snap. It breaks on impact. You still have the hilt. MARISHA: I turn to the audience and I go: (yelling) MATT: (distant yelling) There’s a resounding cheer. MARISHA: I go: Yasha, look! I do Patient Defense for my other ki point. MATT: You go in your defensive stance. Good. That ends your turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: How many feet away am I from this thing? MATT: You are 40, 45 feet from it. TALIESIN: I’m going to start dashing to that next– yeah, that direction. MATT: 30, that’s your movement. TALIESIN: I’m going to do one more attempt at Vicious Mockery. (Infernal noises) MATT: That’s a 14. TALIESIN: He still saves? MATT: He still saves. TALIESIN. That’s all right. MATT: That your turn? TALIESIN: That’s what I got. MATT: Now it’s the creature’s turn. With you right there in front of it, it’s going to attempt to bite you, Yasha, with its giant mouth. LAURA: No, not its poop mouth! MATT: That is 16. What’s your armor class? ASHLEY: 14. MATT: Aw, okay, hits you. MARISHA: Attack with my reaction! TRAVIS: Sentinel! MARISHA: Sentinel! Natural 20. Eight. 14. MATT: 14 does hit. You take 15 points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. ASHLEY: Okay, I’m not going to use that one. SAM: Does the Enlarge give her advantage on saving throws? MATT: Just strength. ASHLEY: Eight. MATT: Eight. Even in your enlarged state, the diseased gathering of bacteria and terrible elements– ASHLEY: 15 points? MATT: 15 points. The poison courses through your body, and Yasha, you are considered poisoned. ASHLEY: Oh, this sucks! MARISHA: It takes seven points of damage from the unarmed strike. MATT: It does. It’s going to take its tentacles and swing one towards you, Jester. SAM: Oh no, Jessie! LAURA: Oh no! MATT: That is 23 to hit. LAURA: That hits me. MATT: As the tentacle swings out toward you, clawing past you with its raking teeth– oh shit. That’s 11 points of bludgeoning damage plus eight points of piercing damage as it carves into you. LAURA: I’m going to use Hellish Rebuke on him. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Yeah, you still don’t have any stupid arms, stupid! MATT: You are also grappled, as the tentacle wraps around you and begins to squeeze and hold you in place. The teeth and the thorns that are coming out of the side of its tentacle jamming into your body. Is it a constitution save for Hellish Rebuke? LAURA: Hellish Rebuke is a 2nd-level. I really wish it gave more information about what– SAM: It will certainly be fixed, because D&D Beyond is a responsive company and we love them. LAURA: It doesn’t say anywhere what Hellish Rebuke– oh there it is! Dexterity save! MATT: There we go. That is going to be a nine. LAURA: That means I get 3d10. MATT: 3d10 damage to it. MARISHA: Yes! TRAVIS: Rock that shit. Goodnight Irene, let’s go. LAURA: 12. MATT: 12 points of damage. Nice. There’s a burst of icy shards and blades that explode out of Jester into the tentacle and along the side of its body as it pulls back in place, swinging its other tentacle out behind it towards Beau. LAURA: How much damage did you say I just took, though? Because I was busy. 19 points of damage. SAM: 11 plus eight. MATT: With disadvantage, because you have defense. Even with a disadvantage, that is 18. MARISHA: Fuck! Yeah. MATT: You suffer five points of bludgeoning damage, plus three points of piercing, so eight total, and you are also grappled. LIAM: All of the male players are 40 feet back, and all the women are right in there. MATT: Now you are poisoned and grappled. The two side tentacles, and there’s the one large tentacle on top which, now that you have a closer look, has three vertical eyes in it that are glancing around and looking at the space. The two are wrapped around two of your allies as Yasha’s dealing with the poison wracking through her veins. That’s going to end its turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I am very aware of how many people are in this arena, especially high-powered ones, as I wrap one hand around my forearm and I cast Scorching Ray even though I feel nauseous, and off they go. MATT: Go for it. Because it attacked Beau, you could use your reaction to attack it back with your Sentinel feat. SAM: You have Sentinel also? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: They both do. You have that. I’ll let you do it now if you wanted to, if you want to take it. ASHLEY: Fuck yes. Yes. LAURA: If you feel like attacking. MATT: You have disadvantage on the attack, unfortunately. LIAM: 26, ten, 16. MATT: The first and the last one hit. ASHLEY: Natural 20. 13. MATT: 13 just misses. You swing, and as you’re about to hit with the blade, the poison pulses through your veins, and you go wide as the creature manages to be out of range. How much damage is that? LIAM: 15 points of fire damage. MATT: Both rays slam into it and the flames burst up, and you hear (pained gurgling), trying to pull back from the impact, but it’s currently by the wall, and it’s holding onto your friends and holding its ground. LIAM: I’ll take a step five feet that way and as I do so I look over at Fjord and just– and that’s the end of my turn. TRAVIS: Big nope. MATT: That ends Caleb’s go. Jester. LAURA: Oh, that’s me! MATT: Yes. You are currently grappled, and while you are grappled you are restrained until you break free. SAM: I think it’s my turn. MATT: Oh, sorry, Nott’s after Caleb, my bad. Thank you. SAM: I’m going to stick my hand around and fire my little crossy-bowy. Not good! Not good at all. Ten! MATT: Ten goes wide. As it’s reeling back from the blow of the flame jets from your buddy Caleb, unfortunately as you fire it moves just out of the way, and the bolt goes wide. SAM: I will reload and fire again. Oh god! Should we count that? LAURA: Yeah, I think so. What do you add to it? SAM: I don’t know. Matt, do I count that or not? LAURA: It’s 18. It landed in my box, but it landed up. MATT: If it landed, then it’s fine. SAM: Okay, 18 to hit. MATT: 18 does hit, so go ahead and roll damage and sneak attack. SAM: I get sneak attack? MATT: It’s still adjacent to a friend of yours. SAM: Great. 15. MATT: Nice, all right. It strikes on the inside of the mouth. SAM: I’ll take Fury of the Small, why not. 19. MATT: 19 points of damage total, got it. (bolt impact, groaning) It looks like it’s hurting, but it’s also in control of the battlefield on that side there. That ends your turn. Jester. SAM: Back behind a wall. LAURA: Oh god. Does it look like it’s hurting at all? MATT: It looks like it’s hurt. LAURA: While I’m in its grasp, can I touch the tentacle and cast Toll the Dead again? MATT: If you’d like to. SAM: If you think that would help. LAURA: I want to do that. MATT: Okay. The saving throw– that’s cocked. No, that is a five plus one. LAURA: Okay. Two. MATT: Hey, it all helps. It all goes to the same place. You are still restrained and held in place there. Anything else you want to do? LAURA: I probably should have tried to un-restrain myself. SAM: You’re a great player. MATT: No, it’s an action to break free. LAURA: It’s an action. Well, I already did it. I already Tolled the Dead, so too late. MATT: End of your turn? LAURA: I guess so. MATT: Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: I’m going to attack again. TALIESIN: There’s no short rest between here and– LAURA: There could be. MARISHA: No, there could be more groups, man. MATT: He said about 20 minutes between rounds, and a short rest is an hour. ASHLEY: Do I have advantage on attack, or no? TRAVIS: If you go reckless, you can. ASHLEY: Yes, that’s right, I haven’t used reckless yet. Shit. MATT: You have not used reckless. That gives you advantage on your attacks. ASHLEY: That gives me advantage, but that gives them advantage on attacks. MATT: Correct. For now it’s a straight roll, there’s no disadvantage on that roll. ASHLEY: Sorry guys. Natural 20. TRAVIS: So nonchalant with that shit! MATT: That’ll do it. That doubles your weapon and the d4. You roll those together. It’s whatever that is. It’s your 2d6 for your weapon, d6 for your divine ability, and then your die, so then double that. Roll those, double that, and then add your plus seven. ASHLEY: I see. MATT: Ooh, no. LAURA: 17 times two is 34. TALIESIN: Plus seven. SAM: Whoa, that’s a lot. ASHLEY: 41. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) ASHLEY: No way, really? MATT: Yeah, you fucking murdered it! ALL: (chanting) Yasha! SAM: Remember, you’re twice as big. MATT: It’s currently holding Jester and Beau, and it looks like it’s about to slam them together. It’s pulling them back and their feet are dragging off the ground and causing grooves in the sand, and it’s (growling). ASHLEY: I want to take the blade, turn it down, and straight into the middle of it. MATT: Which you can do, because at your full height, you’re about as tall as it is. In a downward angle, you thrust forward and jam it right into the center of its membrane above its mouth. As you push down, you watch your blade actually protrude out the roof of its mouth, through its mouth, through the tongue, and into the rest of its body, and as you push, it gives this horrible squealing, guttural, swine-like sound, and as you push, and push, and push, it falls onto its back, and you keep pushing, and you keep pushing, and the tentacles go limp and release both Jester and Beau. At that point, you pull the blade free, and it is not moving on the ground, bleeding out into the sand. ALL: Whoa! LAURA: That was amazing. MARISHA: That was fucking awesome. LAURA: I’m going to cast Thaumaturgy and start whispers throughout the crowd going: (chanting) Yasha, Yasha! Hopefully the crowd picks it up. ASHLEY: I run back into the hidden area immediately, and I don’t stay out there. MATT: Okay, good to know. Enlarge lasts for how long? LIAM: A minute, so probably the time it takes her to cast that spell and you to run into that hole. Yasha, that should probably end right about (magic fizzles). MATT: Your size is reduced to a more diminutive stance. As you guys back into the inside, the poison, however, is still holding. SAM: Oh no. Can we use some medicine? LAURA: Yes. I’ve got one kit left so I’m going to use my medicinal herbs on you, Beau, to get rid of the poison. MARISHA: Fuck yeah. Please. TRAVIS: Where are you at, Jester? Hit point-wise? LAURA: I’m very low, hit point-wise. I’m at 12 out of 31. TRAVIS: You want a health potion? LAURA: Huh? TRAVIS: You want a health potion? LAURA: Oh, I can use my spells to heal us right now. TRAVIS: I think you should save– LAURA: The only thing I have that can get rid of poisoning is Lesser Restoration, which I can cast on Yasha right now. I can get rid of the poison on you. SAM: Wait, but the poison will go away eventually, right? Won’t it? TALIESIN: Not before the next fight, I don’t think. MATT: You don’t know. LAURA: It’s probably– MATT: In your herbalism kit, you can make antitoxin if you’re in a space– LAURA: No, it’s not an herbalism kit, it’s medicinal herbs, which you specifically told me it removes poison on action. MATT: Yes. It’s a medicine check to apply it properly, but you can do that. LAURA: Oh, okay. SAM: Make that check! LAURA: Oh no. TALIESIN: What’s your medicine check? LAURA: I’m proficient– oh, that’s good. SAM: A lot. LAURA: Yeah, it’s a 23. MATT: Yeah. As you guys back into the corner, you manage to go ahead and apply the medicinal herbs, which are used now, but the poison does manage to fade from your body, Beau. You are no longer poisoned. You’re using Lesser Restoration on Yasha, you said? Up to you. LAURA: Yeah, I’ll do it. MATT: Okay, the poison is removed, which is probably a good thing because it lasts until cured. SAM: Oh wow! MATT: Technically, it’s a disease that causes poison, but because the nature of the herbs that you’ve utilized in this space, it fits in a similar realm because it’s a bacterial infection that kicks in. I’ll say because you got to it quickly enough and you rolled so high, you were able to do that. TRAVIS: Because you got stabbed with poop-teeth. MATT: Kind of, yeah. ASHLEY: Jester, what are you at, right now? LAURA: I’m at 12 hit points. SAM: You need to heal! ASHLEY: I give her a potion of healing. LAURA: Yasha, you need healing too! ASHLEY: No it’s fine! LAURA: Are you sure? ASHLEY: Yes, I’m sure. MARISHA: I won’t deny it, but I also won’t request it. TRAVIS: Yeah, fucking take it. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: It’s what? How many d4? 2d4? MATT: 2d4 plus two for a healing potion. As you guys are in the process of doing this, you hear the voice shouting out– not even realizing the other group that walks outside. “The Mountain “Makers from Grimgolir!” The dwarf and gnome troupe makes their way out into the field. As the crowd cheers, the emcee vanishes, and you see an opposing side open once again. Immediately bursting through, you see a large, nine-foot troll with elongated arms and legs start rushing into the fray, screaming this high-pitched yelp. As it runs, you can see its skin, as opposed to the deep forest green that you’ve read about or seen in trolls in your experiences, this looks like a dull teal-blue color. You watch as the dwarves, all of a sudden, rush in. The gnomes begin casting spells, and this assault goes back and forth. You see with each strike this cold mist off the claws of the troll with each blow. You watch as the gnomes begin to apply fire upon fire, and you watch as the entity burns, their intelligent knowledge of the creature causing it to prevent it from regenerating. Fairly rapidly, they make short work of it. They were prepared, and it was not as intense a battle as you were expecting. With that– TRAVIS: Did it look like they prepared anything with fire before the creature came out? MATT: To your memory, you didn’t know that. You didn’t notice anything. With the final of the battle, the cheers go wild, the crowd goes crazy, and eventually, The Mountain Makers make their way back into the field. Anything else you guys needed to prepare at this time? MARISHA: They had real good teamwork. Maybe we should come up with special moves. SAM: Like what? TALIESIN: Like heal. SAM: Like don’t run up so close, or at least wait a little bit first to gauge the beast. MARISHA: What? SAM: Don’t run into the – You’re going to die! MATT: “Out from the Menagerie Coast! The Stubborn Stock!” SAM: Oh, that’s not us. MATT: Behind you, as the doors open, they move past you. Darrow goes, “Hey, wish us luck, friends,” and enters into the sunlight. LAURA: Good luck! MATT: The doors close. Looking out past the way, another door opens off to the side, and you watch as a 15-foot-long crocodile becomes barreling into the center, its jaws opening and snapping as it comes rushing in. It climbs over the wall that the guys are getting behind to defend and immediately snaps down on one of the soldiers, who gets hit in the side and screams out in pain. They all begin to rush in and assault, jumping off the wall and getting onto its back. You watch as Darrow climbs up onto it, taking a shortsword that one of his friends had dropped, and jams it into the top of the head. As he pulls out his battleaxe, he begins to hack away. He seems to be laughing. Another friend pries the mouth off of the one soldier that had been stamped on. He limps away as it spins around, its tail slapping one of its friends, sending him flying back ten feet as his weapon goes skidding into the sky. It hits the dirt off the way. He runs to try and retrieve it. The battle goes back and forth for a while. One of their friends goes down and one of his allies grabs and pulls him away from the battle zone as he begins to try and wake him up. At this point, you watch as Darrow makes a couple of motions to his friends, and they all cycle in and assault at one time, cutting at the throat of the large crocodile as Darrow takes his axe and carves out one of its eyes. As it pulls back, screaming in pain, they both come underneath and cut through the throat at the same time, causing it to bleed out. With that, the crocodile collapses, not moving, into the field. MARISHA: Did you see that? He had a sign, and then things happened. MATT: They slap awake their ally, and they begin to drag themselves back into the chamber as the crowd’s cheering. They’re a little wounded and a little winded, but as they come in, “Heh! That "wasn’t too bad! You’re on deck, I suppose!” They bring their friend over to the side, and one– TRAVIS: They used cover really well. We should try and hide ourselves better. SAM: I can make a box! TALIESIN: No, don’t do that. SAM: I can actually make a 15 foot large box! We could all fit in it! LAURA: I’m going to take a healing potion. TRAVIS: Nott had a great idea actually though. We should keep our distance. SAM: Keep our distance. We don’t know what door they’re coming out. TRAVIS: We don’t. SAM: Did we see which door the last two monsters came out of? MATT: The one that came out here. The crocodile came out here. SAM: That was the last one? MATT: That was the last one. ASHLEY: What about the teal thing? What was the– Who did The Mountain Makers fight? MATT: Oh, the ice troll! Sorry. The ice troll came from this side there. They are changing– ASHLEY: They’re changing. TRAVIS: You people that need to be up close, just wait until it gets to you. Make him chase you for a bit. Use the cover. Let’s put some damage on it before– MARISHA: I could do that. I could be a distraction– MATT: “To the front lines again! The Last Line!” You see as the armored soldiers go back out there into the field. They get into the center. They form a phalanx back to back in the center as they look around in any direction, and you hear (grunting) (roaring) and two gates open. From each gate, two large-looking figures come charging out. You see these sprinting, dark, humanoid creatures with giant horns out of the front of their head. Two minotaurs come charging into the center. Immediately, they both break into two groups and try to head them off, shields up. One of them gets thrown, taking the impact of the blow. Knocked back onto his ass, three feet back. The other one gets gored immediately, the horns piercing his armor and throwing him into the air. As this happens, you notice now they’re both wielding large axes, and they start cleaving into the opponents. They’re giving up a good fight, and it goes back and forth for a bit, but at one point you watch one drop, and another drop. A third one gets grabbed and picked up and then broken over the knee of one of the minotaurs. At which point, you see the elven general begins to look around nervously and starts waving his hand to call it off just as one of them gores him from behind. He gets thrown ten feet, landing onto the ground rolling, unconscious. His blade clattering in the dirt. There you see Gunther in the center with two warhammers in his hands, blood down his face going, “Come on!” They both come charging in at him from two different sides. Last minute, he darts backward, causing them to collide into each other. As they’re stunned, he rushes up and jams his hammer into the head of one of them. Once. Twice. One of the minotaurs goes down, and right as he pulls back, the second minotaur gets him from behind. You watch as a horn pierce where his liver is, and he falls unconscious on the ground. They fall. The final minotaur roars up into the air and the whole crowd goes, “Oh!” You watch as two groups come out with chains and manacles and manage to grapple and throw them down. The lasting minotaur passes out in the chains and they drag him back off the field. The two clerics rush out into the field and prevent death to those who are in the process of slipping. With that, The Last Line is pulled back, the first fallen out here in the field. LAURA: That was intense. Would we be able to have fought those two minotaurs? MARISHA and TALIESIN: I don’t know. SAM: No! Of course not! MATT: “The first fallen in the tournament!” TALIESIN: Focus on one target at a time. MATT: “Let us greet back to the field, The Mighty Nein!” The doors open once more. MARISHA: She’s Cure Woundsing me! MATT: All righty. Where do you guys wish to be placed? LAURA: Is it possible to climb up on one of the walls? MATT: If you’d like to try. LAURA: I’m going to try and climb up on top of the wall. MATT: Make an athletics check real fast. ASHLEY: Am I able to take a potion of healing? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: That’s really good. This one, sure. Why not. MATT: This one here? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All righty. TALIESIN: I’ll back up into that far corner. MATT: This one here? TALIESIN: Yeah. LAURA: It’s a 22. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine. MARISHA: I’ll move here. MATT: Nott? SAM: Dead center. I’m going to cast Mage Hand. MATT: Okay. Yasha? ASHLEY: I’m going to stand by Caleb, actually. MATT: Okay. You’re with Caleb there? ASHLEY: Yeah. LAURA: Beau, ten points. MARISHA: Yes! I love you, Jester! MATT: All righty. As you guys all take your place, two gates immediately open again. You hear two sources of this loud, deep (howling). Leaping through both sides, you see two massive, white furred wolves come leaping through into a full sprint. LAURA: I Invoke Duplicity in the middle of the– next to Nott. MATT: From this side and this side here. You Invoke Duplicity? LAURA: Yeah, next to Nott. MATT: Next to Nott. All righty, I need you all to roll initiative. (screaming) MARISHA: Natural 20! LIAM: Natural one! MATT: Aw, Caleb. My dice fell. LIAM: Hundred dollars. MATT: Sorry, mic. All righty, for this new round, 25 to 20? TALIESIN: 21. MARISHA: 24. LAURA: 22. MATT: Oh shit. We have Beau– TRAVIS: Jester, and Molly. MATT: You got it. 20 to 15? ASHLEY: 15! I was just, I’ll wait until the end. Oh wait, I rolled high! MATT: All right then, it’d be Yasha. 15 to ten? TRAVIS: Oh no. No, that isn’t me either. MATT: Ten to five? SAM: Nine. TRAVIS: Six. LAURA: Six again, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: All righty. SAM: Two for Caleb. MATT: Caleb at the bottom. LIAM: I rolled a natural one, so–. MATT: Top of the round, as the wolves begin to emerge, Beau, you’re up first. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to run (counting) 40, I guess? MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: Look at the blood on there already. MARISHA: I’m– Yeah, that’s cool– I’m going to look at this one and I’m going to go, hey (whistles), go fetch! I’m going to throw my other wooden sword at that one, and then I’m going to do Patient Defense. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Right in the middle of them. MATT: Make an animal handling check. MARISHA: Animal handling. MATT: Just because I want to see what will happen. MARISHA: I’m going to use this lucky die that this Critter gave me! Okay! 20! MATT: Okay. You throw it. MARISHA: Come on boy! MATT: That’s your action. MARISHA: Wait, what do you mean that’s my action? MATT: Yeah, to get its attention and try and throw it? MARISHA: I can’t take a ki point to do Patient Defense? MATT: Patient Defense is a bonus, you’re fine. MARISHA: Okay, so Patient Defense. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: That’s it. MATT: All right, that ends Beau’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I’m going to cast Sacred Flame at the one behind me! MATT: All righty. LAURA: That’s a dex save. MATT: That’s a failure. That is an eight. LAURA: Yes! MATT: Go ahead and roll damage on that one. LAURA: Five points of damage to him! MATT: Five points of damage, nice. All righty. SAM: Or her. MATT: As the divine flame burns up around it, it’s still running. LAURA: I’m going to make my Invoked Duplicity Jester run right in the middle of the two walls, past Fjord. MATT: Right there? LAURA: Yeah, and she’s going to start going (gibberish). MATT: Okay. ASHLEY: Look at me, look at me! MATT: All right, that ends your turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a run towards the fake Jester. MATT: All righty. 25. 30 TALIESIN: Yeah, it’s where I can get there. I’m going to try and see if I can make Vicious Mockery work on this thing. MATT: You have line of sight. TALIESIN: I do have line of sight? MATT: That’s a eight, so that hits. TALIESIN: (sinister voice) Bad doggy! (laughter) SAM: Butt turkey? TALIESIN: Yep, butt turkey, you heard me. That’s one point of psychic damage and it has disadvantage next attack. MATT: You got it. That ends Molly’s turn. It is now the wolves’ turn. This one is going to run, pacing around this side, up into that range there. It’s going to rush up and partially pass through the Jester illusion, look back and see all that crowd in front, in its area. It pulls back and its shoulders curl up and the fur expands and (deep roar). You watch as a burst of freezing winter air blows out of its open mouth. LAURA and SAM: (groaning) MATT: That’s going to get all three of you guys. (laughter) MATT: I need you all to make a dexterity saving throw. LAURA: Even though I am high up? MATT: Yeah, it’s a cone out in that direction. TRAVIS: Round two. LAURA: 20. MATT: That’s a success. LIAM: Four. MATT: Nope. Yasha? ASHLEY: Natural one. MATT: Okay! (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh, fuck me. Oh god. MATT: 16 points of cold damage to Yasha and Caleb and eight points to you, Jester. LAURA: Already? Eight points to me? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Halved because I’m resistant to cold damage. MATT: Exactly, so four. The other one is going to (galloping noises) turn around– MARISHA: What?! MATT: It’s not going for a wooden sword. MARISHA: I rolled a natural 20! LIAM: You can certainly try. MATT: It saw it for a moment. It’s going to move, rush up here. MARISHA: That was a ki point! A very valuable ki point! MATT: It was running out and you whistled and it went (grunt) and kept running. MARISHA: Fuck! MATT: It’s going to go ahead and blast another cold air bit in that direction that will go for both Molly and Fjord. I need you both to roll dexterity saving throws, please. LAURA: Roll high. TRAVIS: Oh. LAURA: Oh no. TALIESIN: Eight. TRAVIS: 12. MATT: You barely succeed! TRAVIS: Ooh! MATT: Molly does not. That is 26 points of cold damage to you, Molly. I rolled really well on that. SAM: Oh, jeez! MATT: That’s 13 to you, Fjord. LAURA: 26 points? TALIESIN: I am not resistant to cold. MATT: You are not, unfortunately, no. TRAVIS: 13, yeah okay. TALIESIN: Ow! SAM: Wait! You’re out? TALIESIN: No, I’m fine. I’m not fine but ow! MATT: Yeah, and as it finishes blowing, it growls in place. That’s going to end its turn. SAM: Damn. MATT: Yeah, so that will bring us to the next round. That’s Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: (shouting) Pick one and focus fire on that one! ASHLEY: Okay, so reckless. Let me see something here. Sorry. Where’s the hex? Divine Fury? Can I do that as well? MATT: All righty. Go for it. LAURA: Are you raging? ASHLEY: I don’t have any more. LAURA: Oh no! ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: You raged too much in the games of chance. ASHLEY: Wait, do I have advantage, or that’s it? MATT: You have advantage with your attacks, if you’re reckless. ASHLEY: Sorry. Natural 20 again. (cheering) MATT: That will hit! ASHLEY: Divine Fury is an extra– MATT: d6. TALIESIN: Ah! Should have had disadvantage. MATT: Disadvantage doesn’t affect it. It’s a cone. TALIESIN: It’s a cone? Yeah, okay. MATT: Sorry. TALIESIN: All right. ASHLEY: Ugh. (counting) Eight. MATT: See, technically it would be– It was a natural 20? You only roll three of those dice. ASHLEY: Well, is Divine Fury an extra d6. MATT: Yes, that’s how it is. ASHLEY: It’s three, I’m sorry. MATT: Roll again, that’s fine. It’s 2d6 reroll. It’s okay. ASHLEY: Okay. (counting) Seven, ten, 27. MATT: 27 points of damage! You carve a hefty chunk out of this wolf as you slam down with your blade. As it carves past, you see where the white fur has now become red on its left side. It (whimpers) pulls back from the pain. Part of its flesh is flapping from the wound you left as you draw the blade back. That was a pretty hefty hit. That ends Yasha’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay, I’m going to aim for that flap of skin. MATT: Fjord, you’re up next. SAM: Fire. 25 to hit. MATT: That definitely hits. SAM: That is 16 points of damage. MATT: 16 points of damage. Beautiful! SAM: I will run. Nope, I will fire again. (reloading) Same place. MATT: Go for it. SAM: 16 to hit. MATT: That hits! Roll damage. SAM: Six points. MATT: Six to that guy. As both bolts hit the open wound that Yasha left behind, it’s now starting to growl and look like it’s in pain and is getting cornered-animal angry. SAM: I’m going to run this way, as far as my little– well, so I can still see everybody and the action. MATT: All right, that ends Nott’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’m going to cast Armor of Agathys on myself, and I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Hex on the wolf that’s nearest to Yasha and give it disadvantage on dexterity checks. I’m going to use my movement to run towards that wolf. MATT: This wolf here? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MATT: You can get there. TRAVIS: In between Molly and Yasha. MATT: The one that you run away from does snap at you with its maw. I know you guys love that word. I know I do. That is going to be a nine. That does not hit, it’s a three plus six. Its jaws snap behind you and you hear the impact, but it’s too far below you. That ends Fjord’s go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I pull out a cat’s paw and say: (stuttering) Bad dog. Maximilian’s Grasping Cat’s Claw comes out by that one there. It has to make a strength saving throw. MATT: This one here? LIAM: Ja, but it has to save. MATT: Strength saving throw. That is going to be a 12. What’s your DC? LIAM: 15. MATT: 15, no. He is held in place. As the hand creeps up and grabs it, it (yelps) and it’s held in place now, up off the ground, its paws held as this giant caw paw is holding the doggy. LIAM: Und I will move that ways to make a triangle with the two dogs and myself to get as far away as I can get. MARISHA: What does restraining it do? LIAM: Everyone gets advantage on it and it’s at disadvantage to hit us. SAM: That’s great! MATT: That ends Caleb’s turn. At the top, Beau, you’re up. Jester, you’re up next. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to look around with my defensive stance and be like “Aw, fucking really?” and then go: Parkour! Stab! LAURA: No, attack the one that’s by all of us! MARISHA: No, this guy’s got advantage! TRAVIS: Stay out of the cone, get on the backside. MARISHA: It’s fine! Oh, wait, that guy’s cone? MATT: You’re already there. MARISHA: Well, it’s on. MATT: You’re there. You have advantage on your strikes, though. MARISHA: I’m coming down very hard and heavy. Advantage. I’ll take that natural 19, and then for my second one– advantage on all of them? MATT: Yeah, because it’s restrained. MARISHA: I’ll take that 13? MATT: 13 just hits. MARISHA: Okay, so the first one: not great, six damage? Second one: better, eight damage. MATT: Eight damage, all righty. As you leap over, slamming your fist down– or, your staff down– on the nostril of the restrained wolf, and then as you land, hit it with the back of your elbow. It takes the impact, but it can’t move anywhere; it’s held in place by this magical– MARISHA: Do I still have a little bit of movement? MATT: You do. MARISHA: Can I move behind it a little bit? MATT: It would be– Yeah. LIAM: Oh, also, sorry. It takes bludgeoning damage from the attack that I gave it. MATT: Roll damage for that, please. You’re trying to move around it? You have about 15 more feet of movement, I’ll say. MARISHA: Can I come right here to it? You know what– nah, it’s fine. Whatever works, it’s all good. I’m into it all. LIAM: Six. MATT: Six damage, got it. That ends Beau’s turn. Jester, you’re up. Molly, you’re on deck. LAURA: Having seen Beau do that just then and it looked really cool, I’m going to jump off the wall with my handaxe in my hand and try to come down onto the back of the one right there. MATT: Okay, so you’re going to run across the wall? MARISHA: Hardcore parkour! LAURA: That is a 17 to hit! Nine points of damage! MATT: Nine points of slashing damage against this, nice. MARISHA: Fighting’s more epic when you’re flying through the air! MATT: As you carve down with the axe and it cuts through, it yelps again. You guys are cutting it up pretty bad. It’s hurting. It’s not on death’s door or anything, but it’s hurting. Its fur is starting to get matted with its own blood with each blow. That ends Jester’s turn– or, anything else you want to do with your turn? LAURA: Can I back up? Is it going to get an attack of opportunity? MATT: Only one way to find out. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: That’s a yes. LAURA: Oh no! Well, I’m going to move around him. I’m going to move to his tail. To the pillar, yeah. MATT: Okay, you’re right up against the pillar, we’ll say. That ends your turn, Jester. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a slashing attack at the guy right in front of me. MATT: Okay. TALIESIN: That’s– oh, goddamn it– that’s 12 to hit? MATT: 12 does not hit, unfortunately. It ducks out of the way. TALIESIN: I’m going to hit it again. Oh my god, it’s a natural fucking one. (mix of cheers and groans) MATT: You’re trying to swing at it, but unfortunately, for some reason, the howl of its presence and it moving so quickly in front of you throws you off and your blades are not going well. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and circle around a little bit to space everybody out a bit. MATT: That ends your turn, Molly. It’s now the wolf’s turn. Let’s see if they get their breath back. Nope and nope, neither of them do! TRAVIS: Huge! MATT: They are both going to make a single bite attack. One of them is going to be, let’s see, against you, Yasha. You did the most amount of damage to it, so it’s going to make a bite attack against you. SAM: No! MATT: That is going to be– and it has advantage, since you used your reckless. That’s going to be– TALIESIN: It still has disadvantage from the– for its attack, though. MATT: Right, so it would have been the first strike. That would be a total of 14. What’s your armor class? ASHLEY: 14. MATT: Aw, just hits! That would be 12 points of piercing damage as it bites down on you with its giant jaws. I need you to make a strength saving throw, which you do not have advantage, currently, because you’re not raging. SAM: You’re still strong. LIAM: Super buff, and not just in the game. ASHLEY: 24. MATT: Success, it does not knock you prone. It bites and tries to throw you onto the ground, but you push off of its jaws and use the back of the wall to steel yourself and kick its mouth off of you and still stand there, resolute, with your blade in hand. The other one is going to attempt to break free. It does not like being held in place by there. What does it have to roll to break free? LIAM: 15. MATT: 15? What kind of check? LIAM: Oh, strength. MATT: Strength? 13 plus four, that’s 17, yeah. It manages to break free of the hand. LIAM: That’s its action, correct, to break free? MATT: That’s its action, correct. It will move over here to flank up right there. Beau, you do get an attack of opportunity as it moves out of the space, and if you hit it, it does prevent it from moving. MARISHA: (singing) It does! 14! MATT: 14 hits. (cheering) MATT: It gets dragged back. It does not get into melee with the rest of your friends as you grab that tail and then pull it back. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s eight damage. It’s like a Looney Tunes cartoon. My heels are dug in. MATT: As you’re pulling the tail, it’s screaming. MARISHA: Show me your belly! LIAM: It felt its gooch almost rip out. (sympathetic groans) MATT: That’s going to end their turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to take another attack. Wait, I’m within ten– oh, yeah, I’m right next to Fjord, huh? MATT: Yeah. ASHLEY: All right, I’m going to take another attack. MATT: Go for it. ASHLEY: Reckless, all the stuffs. LAURA: How you want to do this! ASHLEY: Natural one. MATT: Good thing you went reckless. ASHLEY: Natural 20! (cheering) MATT: Jesus! I think you found your snitch! ASHLEY: Okay. Nine, 18 (counting) 25 points of damage. MATT: 25 points. ASHLEY: Probably still not enough. MATT: No, how do you want to do this? (cheering) ASHLEY: I want to grab over his head, rip– MATT: Technically, it’s not plus two with rage, because it’s not plus seven, right? Because you weren’t raging. ASHLEY: Say that again? MATT: It’s 23. ASHLEY: It’s 23, okay. MATT: Because you’re not raging, remember. There is two damage from that you don’t have on the plus seven, so it’s plus five. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Still enough to finish it, but I wanted to let you know. ASHLEY: Wait, what’s the plus five– break it down again? MATT: It’s plus three for strength, plus two for your Divine Fury, and then plus two for your rage damage– that makes it plus seven, but you’re not raging. ASHLEY: Okay, right, I see what you’re saying. MATT: It had 22 hitpoints left, so you still manage to carve it down. (relieved groaning) ASHLEY: Okay, sorry. I need to write all these down in my notes later so we don’t have to keep going through this. I’m going to go over the top of his head and force his jaw open and then take my blade and put it through its mouth, straight through its mouth. Skewer it. MATT: As the blade carves through, you hear it yelp, and its growl turns into this low, guttural (fading growl), and goes limp in your grip as you push it and draw the blade from its body. It slumps onto the ground, right at the base of Jester. Molly, you both take a step back as the body slumps to the ground, no longer moving. Hex is off. LAURA: I pet him and say: Good doggy. MATT: That’s the end of Yasha’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I do what I always do, I fire my crossbow at the beast, for a 14 to hit? MATT: That hits. SAM: All right– ooh, and it’s sneak– LAURA: It is definitely sneak attack. SAM: Oh, 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage to it, all right. SAM: How’s everyone– is everyone alive right now? LAURA: Everyone’s up. TALIESIN: Barely. Yasha could use some healing. SAM: Yasha’s right next to me– I mean Beau. LIAM: Ah, couldn’t see her behind the wall. SAM: I will do the same thing. I will reload and fire again. MATT: Go for it. SAM: That’s a miss. Ten points. MATT: Ten to attack, you mean? SAM: Ten to attack. MATT: (arrow firing sound) It goes too wide. It hits the stone behind, almost hitting Beau. You’re like (scattering sound) as it sparks off the stone. No impact. SAM: I’ll duck behind the wall and hide like a weakling. MATT: There you go. Nott the Brave, by the name. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: With my bonus action, can I transfer my Hex onto this wolf, and can I start running around to get to its right hindquarter? Staying in melee, but getting on its rear. MATT: Oh, you’re going in melee with it? TRAVIS: Mm-hmm. MATT: All right, so you move there. TRAVIS: Can I keep coming this way a little bit more? Yeah, right there. I reach back, and as I start to swing my hand up, I’ll summon the Wastehunter falchion and slice up through it. MATT: As the blade appears in the hand, you see a blast of greenish energy as the blade apparates out of his grip. As he swings upward, it sends an arc of seawater splashing into the air. Go ahead and roll for an attack. LAURA: Both me and my invoked Jester go: Ooh. TRAVIS: That’s 26 to hit. MATT: That definitely hits. LIAM: Is this the same sword we’ve always seen? I don’t remember the word– Liam doesn’t remember the word Wastehunter. MATT: Same sword, looks a little different. TRAVIS: 13 points of damage. MATT: 13 points of damage to it. TRAVIS: One d6 necrotic for another four, so 17 total. MATT: As you arc upward, it cuts upward, the splash of seawater mixed with the arc of blood from the wound. The way you carved up hits the back of its thigh, and one leg collapses for a second and it looks over at you with these angry, piercing blue eyes. It’s looking pretty hurt. It’s limping to that side, now. You guys see that the falchion has a slight curve to it and has a hooked end to the back of its design. That finishes your turn, Fjord. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Ja, just deadpan, I do this around my hand and I cast three Scorching Rays out of it at this thing. The first does not hit at all, it was a two plus something. The second one hits: 19 plus seven is 26. The third one hits: 16 plus seven hits. MATT: That hits, go and roll for damage. LIAM: (counting) Four, five, (frustrated noise). Total of nine fire damage. TRAVIS: Nein! MATT: Total of nine fire damage to it. As it’s turning back and forth and growling, and Beau’s harrying it from the side, the two rays of fire slam into its side and it turns back around. You can see the dark burn marks on its white fur where the impacts have started to burn, and you can see some of the skin underneath where the hair has been burned away is black and cracked. It’s hurt pretty bad. LIAM: I call out as I walk backwards slowly: Fjord, you got this? Good. I walk, deadpan, sideways behind that piece of stone. (laughter) MATT: Perfect. Ending Caleb’s turn, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to take my staff– after I threw my sword, I’m going to crack it in the nuts and crack it over the top. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: First attack and second– first attack is a natural one! LAURA: It was so slow– MARISHA: It really was. Second attack is a 17. MATT: 17 does hit. MARISHA: That’s in there. That is a four, so eight damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. LAURA: Maybe the dice gods really want the charity to do well. LIAM: I think that’s it. MATT: As you slam it with the second hit up in its groin area, it’s impacted. It’s hanging on. It’s hurting, but it’s pretty beat up. MARISHA: Spay and neuter your pets! I’m going to do Flurry of Blows and I’m going to do one more. LIAM: Oh, get it. Finish him. MARISHA: Oh my god! Another natural one! LIAM: That’s good. TRAVIS: Fuck, it really is. SAM: Terrible. MARISHA: That’s two natural ones in my turn. MATT: Yasha and Beau have been hitting two sides of coin tonight. All right– MARISHA: Bob Barker is not here tonight. MATT: I know, how many ki points do you have left? MARISHA: That’s it. Done. MATT: That’s the last one. All right. SAM: Oh, no. MARISHA: Doneskis. MATT: Well, that ends Beau’s turn, Jester you’re up, and Molly you’re after that. LAURA: I’m going to Toll the Dead. MATT: All righty. LAURA: My invoked Jester is going to run around and stand next to Fjord. MATT: Okay. Runs around– It rolled a 14, what’s your DC? LAURA: 14. MATT: Resists it, unfortunately. SAM: Oh, no. No toll. MATT: Sorry. LAURA: No toll or anything. MATT: Anything else on your turn? LAURA: I think that’s basically all I can do, though. MATT: Okay. Molly you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to breathe deep and take a run at this damn thing. TRAVIS: Come on. TALIESIN: Straight into it and I’m going to come swinging out at it. TRAVIS: Tell us how you taxidermy it. TALIESIN: That’s a hit, that’s a 23 to hit? MATT: That’ll hit. TALIESIN: This thing doesn’t take extra damage from this does it? MATT: No, it does not. TALIESIN: No, that’s fine. Seven points of damage for the first hit. MATT: Seven points, all righty. TALIESIN: Is that right? No, wait, yeah that’s right. Then, 23 to hit– 21 to hit. MATT: Yep, roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s seven points of damage again. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) TALIESIN: I want to go in and I want to see if I can carve through the mouth as deep in– I’m going to try and get right in there– I’m going to do a dental jawbreaker. MATT: As you go rushing towards it, it opens its jaws to strike. You slide down and with one scimitar you jam up into its lower jaw, which causes its upper jaw to be stuck and as you pull it out its jaw falls open. As it does, your other blade, you backswing dropping– not dropping, but holding on with both hands on the other side, swing through and as it carves in, you actually get about one to two feet inward as the jaw lolls open. The tongue slips out as you cut it from the inside of the mouth. Its eyes go dull as the creature’s body collapses to the ground, no longer moving. ASHLEY: Fucking yes. MATT: With that point, the whole crowd goes cheering– TRAVIS: Yasha, Yasha. ALL: Yasha, Yasha. MATT: The gates where you came open, and you all go and return. LAURA: The minute that it ends I’m going to start casting Prayer of Healing. MATT: Okay, as you guys step into the back chamber, you cast Prayer of Healing. LAURA: Yeah. Who all is injured right now? ASHLEY: I’m pretty bad. LAURA: One, two, three, four. LIAM: I’m pretty shit. MARISHA: I’m not too bad. LAURA: You’re not and you’re not at all? SAM: I’ve been drinking and hiding. LAURA: Okay, so I’m going to cast it on the five of us. MATT: All righty. LIAM: I could get knocked out by a crownsguard right now. TRAVIS: Could you give it to one more? Do you have to spare? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay, I’ll take some. LAURA: Oh yeah, that’s what I’m asking. I can do six people. TRAVIS: Okay, great. LAURA: That’s decent. 14 points to everyone. SAM: Oh that’s great. That’s huge. Wow. Healer. MATT: All righty. SAM: I think Laura is the best healer we’ve ever had. (laughter) MATT: As you guys pull back into your chamber, there’s a few nods. Darrow’s clapping and the rest of his team are clapping. There’s a clap from two of the Mountain Makers off to the side. At which point, “The Mountain Makers!” are announced and they step out into the space. As they all gather, hiding in the corner, spreading out a bit, two of the sides open. Out of one, two large furred entities about eight to nine feet tall come rushing in with a combination of fur and feathers, these hooked, dark beaks at the tips of their mouths. Two owlbears come running in and go into an assault on these people. They took some hits in the last battle, and as it goes back and forth, you watch as they’re striking it and cutting through. The owlbears are screaming this horrible squeal of pain and anguish combined with ravenous anger, and they start tearing and pulling into them. One of them grabs the gnome in its beak, pulls up and tears its throat out. The gnome gurgles as it falls to the ground. The two clerics immediately come up to the side, getting ready to rush out there to try and save its life. Another one of them manages to hit one of the owlbears in its leg as it falls on the ground and they all start slashing on it. It looks like one owlbear is about to fall as the other one, in a complete frenzy either partnered or what, tears and grabs one of the dwarves and starts biting into its face as it screams, it falls unconscious on the ground. It grabs another, and bites into its chest, throwing it into the sky as they spin off to the side. As they all begin to pick up to assault the one that’s going after them, the one on the ground slowly gets back up and joins the fray. You watch one by one as these owlbears, on the cusp of dying, tear through the Mountain Makers. At which point, the crowd goes like (gasp) “Whoa!” Big cheers. Cheers because it’s a display, but also that mournful “Whoa”, that low bass-y sound. At which point you see the two groups come out again with the chains and the come up to the outskirts of the owlbears which then pass out, and they put the manacles on and then pull them away. TRAVIS: They pass out when the manacles go on? MATT: Right as they get up to them, they pass out. They pull them off, and drag them, the gates open wipe, the clerics rush out and grab and drag in the bodies. The gnome is gone but one of the clerics reaches over and touches him, and for a moment later (gasps) breath comes back and you watch the wound close up somewhat. Brought from death. As they pull the group in– LAURA: I need to learn that. MATT: The shout comes for the next group. “The Stubborn Stock returns!” and Darrow and his team rush out, giving a pat on the shoulder to Yasha on the rush out. They go out to the middle field, the gates close, and there, two of the gates open on the sides and you see these dark shapes kind of– (materialization noise) SAM: Oh, no. MATT: Almost skittering but shifting, their position seems hard to map. At which point you see Darrow glance on the side and he goes, “Oh no, I know what this is!” You watch as these large panther-like creatures with large tendrils off their back whipping begin rushing inward. MARISHA: (shouting) Displacer Beasts! MATT: One of them swings and strikes, but as he strikes it passes through and it all of a sudden shifts, and was not in the space where it blow and it pounces onto one of his adventurers. They begin to hack back and forth, crowding up around each other back to back, one of them is pulling out his longbow and letting loose arrow after arrow. Some striking, some missing. One of them all of a sudden the phase is lost, it gets struck, and now it is in a solid place. They use that moment for all of them to dash in and surround this one creature. They manage to, within one round, carve down this one displacer beast on one side, the other pouncing onto Darrow and holding him to the ground. Its back legs clawing into his belly as the others try and pull it off. Darrow takes a serious series of wounds before he manages to pull himself free. The displacer beast grabs another of its friends and snaps him in his face. He falls unconscious and whips around. They strike at it a few times, but they can’t seem to find where its body is. It is dodging around until finally Darrow is back up, his face covered in blood, takes his battle axe and swings wide and clocks it in the side of the jaw. Its strange illusion form vanishes at that point, its body coming to a very condensed location. They all swarm this one, and one by one tear it down for the next round. They’re hurt, their bruised, and Darrow’s looking rough, but with that the Stubborn Stock raise their hands “The Stubborn Stock, continues!” and the crowd cheers. LAURA: I was hoping they would lose. MATT: As they pull back in, the MC walks back out. “Two rounds completed, and only two teams remain for the third and final round, will they all fall? Will they all survive? We shall see as next, we call forth The Mighty Nein!” Any preparation you guys have in this moment as the doors begin to open? SAM: Everyone– TRAVIS: I’m tapped. SAM: Wait! MARISHA: I’m so tapped. SAM: Wait! What if we just stood next to all the doors and held our action until something came out of them? TALIESIN: Then they would be alone out there for like two rounds. SAM: What are you talking about? LAURA: Well we attack and then run to the middle. TRAVIS: Plus somebody’s going to be super danger close right off the bat. SAM: Yeah, but we get a hit in on them the second they came out. MARISHA: I’m kind of into it. I– TALIESIN: That seems like a terrible plan. SAM: Why is that a terrible idea? TRAVIS: We’ve got some super squishy people in here that won’t make it past– TALIESIN: We’re all one hit away from– LAURA: We might get a surprise attack on them. SAM: We would get a surprise round on them! TALIESIN: I don’t think we would get– MARISHA: There’s only like four doors right? SAM: Yeah, so pick four people I’ll take one of them. MARISHA: Pick the less squishy? TRAVIS: All right, if that’s what you guys want to do. LAURA: Let’s do it. TALIESIN: I think it’s a terrible plan. MARISHA: It might be a terrible plan. SAM: Let’s do it! MARISHA: No, no, no, I’m kind of into it. ASHLEY: We could also try to get inside and get the chains because they are scared of those and– LIAM: I am snapping my fingers and bringing Frumpkin scarf-like around my neck, under my hood. Just to have him with me. MATT: All right. MARISHA: Yasha– MATT: At this point the crowd’s cheering, “Mighty Nein! Mighty Nein! Mighty Nein!” ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: The doors are open, what are you guys doing? TRAVIS: I’ll go take one of the doors. SAM: I’m taking a door. ASHLEY: I’m taking a fucking door. TRAVIS: For the record, I do not like this plan. SAM: I love it! ASHLEY: I don’t like it. MATT: Who’s going where? MARISHA: If we stay flanking somebody, anyone who runs away from us– ASHLEY: Oh that’s true, that’s true. MARISHA: Maybe we can go, you want to take a door? MATT: How long does your illusion last? LAURA: Invoke Duplicity I think lasts for– I want to say an hour but I don’t know if it does. LIAM: I will stay with Fjord. SAM: I’ll take a door. MATT: Caleb’s going to stay with Fjord. TRAVIS: You should get some distance. MARISHA: Yasha and I will take a door. SAM: Just pick me a door. MATT: Pick you a door? No, you get to pick, Nott. SAM: This one’s fine, it don’t matter. MATT: Right next to there. TRAVIS: Any ideas? TALIESIN: This is such a bad idea. TRAVIS: The idea is that whatever doors they come out of will get one surprise round and then whoever’s by those doors better be able to take some damage– MARISHA: Defend themselves, yeah. TRAVIS: You don’t want to be near me. You should be in the middle, able to move. MATT: What are you doing, Yasha? ASHLEY: I’m over there flanking with Beau. LAURA: I’m going to go, with me and you Molly on the other door. TALIESIN: This is such a bad idea. SAM: (laughter) TALIESIN: This is going to be like two rounds to get to whoever– MATT: How long does Invoke Duplicity last? TALIESIN: You’re going to be alone for two full rounds with whatever this thing is. MARISHA: I’m fast as fuck. TALIESIN: Yeah, what if you’re there– what if it comes out of that door? LIAM: All right, this is how much time we have to plan in the moment as this is happening. TALIESIN: This is a terrible plan. MATT: Guys– MARISHA: Wait what are all the doors by-the-by? TRAVIS: Yeah, there are four doors right? MARISHA: There are four doors? TALIESIN: No, there’s one two– MATT: For one minute, so your Invoke Duplicity’s gone. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to hop up– TRAVIS: I don’t know if the map is accurate to how many doors there are– MARISHA: Yeah, Matt, can you please do us a favor and point out the doors? MATT: Right. One, two, the map is accurate to them, four– TRAVIS: Fuck that, no, no, no we’ve got to get in the middle. This is a terrible plan. MARISHA: There are five doors. TRAVIS: There’s too many doors. TALIESIN: Yeah, no. MATT: Five doors. You guys exit from this one here. LAURA: I’m going to do the same thing and hop up on a wall like last time. SAM: Wait, we come in from one of the doors, so there’s only four. MATT: Yeah, you came in from this one. MARISHA: Oh, that’s a good point. SAM: Yeah, there’s only four doors. TRAVIS: There’s those four others besides the one we came in? MATT: Four others beside you guys yeah. LIAM: This is about how well we do– MATT: Guys, quickly. Coming in, what are you doing? MARISHA: Four doors, four doors, I’m going to– I’m going to stay by Yasha. MATT: What’s your plan? MARISHA: Anything else I don’t care. LAURA: I’m going to hold my attack for the door that– TALIESIN: I’m going to go to the opposite point from Caleb. TRAVIS: No, no, we got to come in the center, we got to take advantage of the sentinels. TALIESIN: Yeah. TRAVIS: That’s the point of the feat. We’re spread way too fucking thin. TALIESIN: Yeah, this is so bad. TRAVIS: Go back in the middle like we thought we were going to do. TALIESIN: We’re going to drop so fast. MATT: The crowd cheering dies down, what are you guys doing? MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. How about we take Sam’s similar approach, but we guard these four incidences. MATT: What are you doing? MARISHA: Okay Yasha and I are going to move here, and guard these two. TALIESIN: I’m going to go against the wall, against the back of that wall there. SAM: I stay where I am and I’m casting Mage Hand. LIAM: It is hard to walk on two legs, maybe four is better. SAM: Holding my attack! LAURA: I want to be on the other one. ASHLEY: Nott, you’re staying there? SAM: I’m staying and I’m holding my attack until something runs out of my door. MATT: Nott, you’re staying there? SAM: I’m ready to shoot anything that comes out of this door. TALIESIN: You’re going to be at disadvantage because it’s going to be right next to you. LAURA: You’re too close. SAM: No, I’m not. I have a crossbow feat. ASHLEY: They won’t see him maybe they won’t– MATT: As the quiet has this stillness that’s come across the whole battlefield, every breath is being held. You all in your chaos, running around and trying to shout orders to each other, you all eventually come to settle in this place. (slow, heavy footfalls, roaring) All the doors come upward. Heavy, repeated footfalls hit, before bursting out of the far end, you see a Hill Giant come barreling through. (yelling) MATT: Knocking that pillar down, as it stands there in the center of the field, you see now its– TRAVIS: (shouting) My door, my door! MATT: It has these tiny little spines stuck into it, like it’s been agitated and pushed to a point of absolute rage and anger. It’s just roaring. SAM: I– I let my crossbow bolt go. MATT: All right, you release it? SAM: Just out into the– “Oh fuck!” No, not at it. Nope. MATT: All right, and this is where we’re going to pick up next week. (yelling) MATT: Because it’s 11 o'clock. TRAVIS: Two spines in the side. ASHLEY: Dang it! I want to fight it right now! MARISHA and MATT: I know. LIAM: Yep. MARISHA: I have no ki points. TRAVIS: Oh my God. MATT: That’s going to be fun. SAM: That is a huge thing. TRAVIS: (laughter) My door! MARISHA: That’s good times. TALIESIN: Aren’t you glad you weren’t standing there by yourself for that? TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: I mean– SAM: Would have gotten two hits in. MARISHA: You would have been fine. SAM: We’re just as far away from the thing. TALIESIN: You get one. SAM: Yeah, but there was two people standing next to that door. LAURA: No, there was just Fjord. SAM: At one point there was Fjord and Caleb. LAURA: Yeah, he moved. MARISHA: Caleb wussed out. SAM: If you had stuck to the plan, you would have gotten two hits, and we’re all just as far away as we were before. MATT: It’s true. We’re going to pick up next week at the start of this final round. LAURA: Oh, god. TALIESIN: It would have been three rounds before I could do any damage. Before it killed him. SAM: Well you shouldn’t have been that far away. TALIESIN: (shouting) It’s my door! Oh, my god. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh, my god. MATT: Oh, man. This is going to be fun. TALIESIN: Overestimating the value of surprise. MATT: This is a very angry hill giant rushing towards you right now. Giant great club in its hand. It’s going to be fun. All right guys, we’ll pick this up next week. In the meantime, have a good week, thank you guys for watching, we love you very much. Check out on Tuesday Pillars of Eternity 2 coming out. Super excited about that. Once again thank you for D&D Beyond for being amazing, and all you guys for checking in. Have a wonderful week, and “Is it Thursday yet?” Good night. MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Before we jump in tonight, we have a few announcements we want to get through. First up, we have a birthday today, we have my wonderful wife, Marisha. It’s her birthday today! Happy birthday! (cheering) MARISHA: Thank you, thank you. Thank you to my mother who birthed me. She should really be the one who’s getting thanked. LAURA: Yes, she really should. MARISHA: Yes. LIAM: Still alive, mom. SAM: Reenact it for us. MARISHA: I’ll leave that to Laura in a couple months. MATT: Happy birthday. MARISHA: Thanks. MATT: Next up, we have our two sponsors this evening. First– SAM: Two? MATT: Yes, two! SAM: I only prepared one. What’s happening? MATT: I’m doing the second one. You’re fine. But our first sponsor for the evening is our returning friends at D&D Beyond. Sam? SAM: D&D Beyond, everybody. (clears throat) D&D Beyond is our fabulous sponsor, they’re here every week. They put these things on our iPads– I mean, our tablet devices that help us track our stats and stuff, and they wanted us to let you know that this week, Matt Mercer’s gunslinger fighter subclass is now available on D&D Beyond. In the character builder, critters can begin creating their version of Percy right now on D&D Beyond. They actually already have started creating their own versions of Percy and loading it with the features that we’ve come love about Percy. I’ve compiled a list. It’s the Top Ten List of Percy Features Being Added on D&D! Everyone, a little, light drumroll if you could. Number ten: extra long, pompous names. Number nine: skin so white it claps on the ones and threes. Number eight: bags containing gunpowder and Victor fingers. Number seven: that feat where your dice always roll 20s even though they’re not cursed by a demonic ritual. Number six: blue hair dye! Number five: steampunk bifocals. Number four: giant bathtubs that comfortably hold a female half-elf under the water for 15 minutes. You can add these features to your Percy. Number three: throat bubbles. (laughter) TALIESIN: Wow. (laughter continues) SAM: Number two: wit and tact. LIAM: Wait, what what what? SAM: Wit and tact. And the number one thing being added to the gunslinger class: knives. MATT: Thank you, Sam. You guys can use the gunslinger fighter archetype as well as the new feat that goes along with it; that’s on there as well. Which anyone can take to learn firearms, be better at firearms, even if you’re not a gunslinger, so check that out on the app. Thank you guys at D&D Beyond for being awesome, and you for supporting them and us. Of course, our second sponsor for tonight, returning, our fun friends at Obsidian with Pillars of Eternity 2: Deadfire, which is finally out! LIAM: I know, it’s so exciting. It’s so good, it’s so pretty, it sounds so good, it plays so good. MATT: It’s really good. SAM: I got it working. (laughter) MATT: That was the best response. SAM: I can move my guy now. MATT: I was there when he got that text, we just went (sputtering laughing). Oh my god. SAM: I looked it up on Google first. MATT: See, and he’s already a step above most people on the internet. Deadfire’s out, super excited, the voice sets and portraits of Vox Machina are in the game for free DLC, on PC. It’ll be out for console later this year. If MetaCritic doesn’t lie, it’s at 90 and climbing. I love it. I’m so excited, I’m so glad people enjoy it, and so glad we can be a part of it. LIAM: I played today and I just got my first dose of kaiju-god Taliesin, not regular-god Taliesin, kaiju-god Taliesin. It’s good. TALIESIN: I haven’t gotten there yet. MATT: Laura’s character and Marisha’s character in my party are starting to flirt and I’m like (nervous sound). I don’t know how I feel about that. Of course, I made Gilmore. Marisha’s character was flirting with me at first and I was like, “Nah, I got to shut this down, Gilmore’s not interested.” MARISHA: (laughter) That’s fair. MATT: At least you two are getting together. MARISHA: Just waiting for the other guys. MATT: I get enough of this in real life. Happy birthday. Also, we are heading back to GenCon, guys! Our tickets went on sale earlier this week for the live show in Indianapolis, you can find it on Ticketmaster. The official GenCon panel is sold out, but keep an eye on the GenCon website as tickets that are relinquished may become available as it goes on. They keep cycling through and as things become available, they’ll update it, so keep an eye. We’ll try and update you as soon as we hear anything beyond that. But holy shit. TRAVIS: If there are balcony seats for the live show, do not be afraid of them, because that balcony crew is raucous. Just being in that room while the live madness is going on is something to behold, so even if it’s the back, if you want to go, go. LAURA: It was a really fun group in the audience last time. SAM: I’m going to hide some stuff up there. LAURA: I like that. SAM: We’ll hide some stuff. MATT: Why does it smell so funky back here? TRAVIS: Why is there silly string coming out of the balcony? MATT: Scanlan strikes again. Looking forward to seeing a bunch of you guys at GenCon. In the past four weeks in our 826 initiative, we have raised over $50,000 from the community, which is then doubled by fantastic Mark K, we’ve made over $100,000 to 826, so we can not thank you guys enough for your amazing support. Huge thanks to critter Mark Koro, of course, for being our counter support for this, and being such an amazing member of the community. Thank you. Thanks to Wyrmwood Gaming and our friends at D&D Beyond for their amazing support for the campaign to get us where we are now. If you’d still like to donate, you can go to 826LA.org/criticalrole. We’ll have more information soon about the scheduling for my fireside chat, as well as the production crew Reddit AMA, and Marisha’s Honey Heist soon, so stay tuned. MARISHA: I need to start planning. Oh man. MATT: Indeed. MATT: Don’t forget Twitch Prime. (singing) If you have Amazon Prime you can connect it on your Twitch and subscribe to a channel for free, there you go. TRAVIS: That was a good jingle, actually. MATT: Thank you. I’ll remember it never. Critical Recap is available for those who have missed it before the episode and you’re watching this now and you didn’t see last episode. Why? But if you need to real fast, pause this, or later, or go and watch Critical Recap now, which our fantastic Dani Carr gets you up to speed of what happened in last week’s episode. It’s up on YouTube right now. Talks Machina is every Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific, where our fantastic Brian W. Foster hosts our sit down chat with members of the cast. This last week apparently was off the chain between Ashley and Marisha. MARISHA: Good times. MATT: When everyone cries from laughing, it’s a good night, apparently. LIAM: You face planted on the couch. MARISHA: I’ve never seen Foster sprout tears like that. That was amazing. ASHLEY: You know you’ve got him when he has projectile tears. It seems opposite of what should be happening. MATT: A special shout out to our friend, PulloutKing, from that episode. ASHLEY: PulloutKing, thanks for the laughs. MATT: We have new d20s restocked? LAURA: They’re not new, but older d20s SAM: They’re used d20s. LAURA: I’m pretty sure they’re the special edition ones. I haven’t looked at the store, they’re the red set, I think. MATT: The rare ones. LAURA: The ones that were available at our live shows before are in the store. TRAVIS: Laura, would you consider selling used dice that end up in the jail too often? Just offload some of that shit. SAM: I don’t think the store can handle that many. TALIESIN: I think if the dice know that they could go to a kinder, gentler home. LAURA: I think I may have enough dice to go to– one for each and every critter. LIAM: It’s funny, you go and try to pet her dice they shrink back, they shy away. (squeaking) LAURA: They’re like barnacles! MARISHA: Next charity drive we have you could auction a few. SAM: Charity drive? ASHLEY: I was like: barnacles! She already said that. SAM: Guys, the birthday girl is trying to talk. MARISHA: I’m sorry, never mind, it’s passed. No, I was thinking you could auction them off for charity next time, next charity drive. LAURA: I mean, yeah, charity. (laughter) MATT: I believe that’s the last of our announcements of the evening. TRAVIS: Oh shit. A fucking troll, you guys! MATT: Let’s bring it in for tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back. Oh my god. Welcome back. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein, upon clearing their names, making some new friendships in the city and taking some time for themselves in preparation for the coming Harvest Close festival, found themselves wandering through the streets of celebration. They partook in a number of various games of chance and skill, got some fine snacks and foods, challenged themselves, got thrown by their other party members, won some trinkets and toys, and then ended up signing up to the Victory Pit, the grand tournament that ends the Harvest Close festival. You managed to catch a few phrases off to the side of the initial lounge you were signing up in, where you discovered that war had been declared by the king on the eastern region of Xhorhas, that information was to be held back until the festival was over. You were held below with the other competing teams, and then one by one you were each presented into the center of the Victory Pit tournament where each of you has to battle a challenge of a creature or creatures in a three-tiered structure. Whoever survives all three bouts gets to share in the final pot prize. Currently two of the other teams have been knocked out, and it only remains to be you and one other. You guys are up first. You’re pulled into the center and announced as The Mighty Nein’s final round. Knowing the Stubborn Stock is watching from behind the distant doorways that lead into the central arena, you all scattered about the sands as the sun begins to get close to dusk, shouting out your various plans and then abandoning them last minute. You found places as these heaping, heavy thuds start quaking the ground in arrival before the door swings open. Out from behind it, roaring, a frenzied, angry hill giant, complete with pierced thorns jammed into each side of the body to drive it to a point of absolute anger and fury, comes bashing into the center of the arena, knocks over one of the large pillars, and this is where we begin. I need everyone to roll initiative. TRAVIS: Let’s try and talk to it. LIAM: Just wear him down. TRAVIS: Yeah, let’s try and talk to him. MARISHA: Almost a natural 20. Almost a 20! TALIESIN: That’s mildly adequate. MATT: 25 to 20? SAM: 23. LIAM: 20. MATT: 20 to 15? LAURA: 19. TRAVIS: (sobbing) No, far too calm. MATT: 15 to ten? MARISHA and TALIESIN: 14. TRAVIS: Which one of you wants to go first? MARISHA: I’ll take it. TALIESIN: I should take it because for now. MARISHA: Molly’ll take it. TALIESIN: Make your life a little easier because I can keep disadvantage for your turn. MARISHA: Sure, yes. TRAVIS: Eight. What’d you roll? ASHLEY: Six. The fun buns! LAURA: Brought it back. MATT: All righty, friends. It finishes slamming the large pillar into the ground and wields its giant club over one shoulder, its other hand reaching out for something and glancing over the field to see what its quarry is. Nott, you’re up first. SAM: Is the giant in melee? Would I get sneak attack damage or no? He’s not engaged with anybody right now. MATT: Right now, Fjord, you’re hiding back there. I think I shifted it. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: No, he is not currently engaged. SAM: Okay, then I will shriek and I will run towards Beau, full sprint. ASHLEY: Full sprint ahead. LAURA: Oh god, just right in it already. We’re just right in it. MATT: By the way, guys, this finally came in today. LAURA: What is that? SAM: It’s north, east, west, south. MATT: So you know where the north is, so you can use that. LAURA: Shut up. That’s so cool. MARISHA: Which way’s north, by the way? MATT: This way. MARISHA: Okay, thank you. MATT: The people who do Campaign Coins make that now. Our friend, Deven Rue, who did our map for the show, she’s the one who designed it. I’ve been waiting for it to come in. That’s a point for you guys, if you ever want to shout directions at me of where you want to run, that’s helpful. LAURA: I love it. MATT: You ran, full sprint towards Jester. SAM: Sneak attack damage is so good, but I can’t. That thing can see me, I’m scared. I’m scared, guys! I’m going to fire my crossbow. Ooh, it’s a two, it misses. I’m super scared. MATT: It arcs off, you hear this distant (yelp) in the audience way away. TALIESIN: I was going to say, what was the number? Because that thing’s got to have a low AC. What’s the actual number? SAM: Oh yeah, probably. Eight. MATT: Yeah, no. LAURA: He’s got thick skin, I think. MATT: Yeah, it’s a pretty hardy physicality even if it’s a broad target to hit. SAM: Then I will run back the way I came. MATT: Same place you were before? SAM: No, like behind Yasha, behind that pillar over there, that wall. LAURA: You said that’s north? MATT: This is north here. LAURA: Towards you. SAM: North always points to the star. (laughter) MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I see this giant behemoth and I start backing up to go west around the stone, under my breath singing: We are the Mighty Nein, the Mighty Nein, the Mighty Nein. And fire off a Fire Bolt as I sneak behind it. MATT: You’re darting around the side. LIAM: No, that is no good. That is a 13. MATT: 13 just hits. SAM: Okay, not too hard to hit. MARISHA: 13 just hits, good to know. MATT: It’s a big target but it’s pretty hardy. LIAM: That is a one. MATT: One point of fire damage. It hits and goes (splat). It’s less of a Fire Bolt and more of a fire (fizzle). You see there’s a patch on its rather furry belly that no longer has hair. It’s very glaring. LIAM: Ja. I am leaning, crouching against that stone, hands on the wall, just listening and working on keeping my gourd from rising. MATT: Okay, good to know. Jester, you’re up. SAM: Go for it. LAURA: Really? SAM: Yeah, you so badly want to. LAURA: I mean, I want to so bad. I want to use my Spiritual Weapon! MATT: Then use it! LAURA: Okay, well, I will. I’m going to hold my symbol in my hand and do like this because I’ve seen Caleb do fancy things, and then I’m going to make it. MATT: Where would you like to place it? LAURA: Right above his face! MATT: (counting) 30 is where you can make it appear. LAURA: Really close to his face. MATT: Let me see what the range is on it. What’s the range on the spell? LAURA: I’m looking. 60! MATT: 60! Yeah, you can do it, right over. LAURA: Directly in front of his face, flat side facing him, and then just poof! MATT: Roll for attack, go for it. As Jester releases her grip, this giant, heavy-looking but gorgeous glittering lollipop apparates out of the air, streaking down towards the goblin’s face. Not the goblin, the ogre’s– giant’s face. It’s been a week. LAURA: 16! MATT: 16 hits, roll damage. LAURA: That slipped out of my hand. It doesn’t count if it slips out of your hand. Ten points of damage! That’s my bonus. For my actual thing, can I do a cantrip? MATT: Yes, you can. LAURA: Yeah! I’m going to Sacred Flame him! He’s got to roll dexterity over 14. MATT: He rolled a 14, but has minus one dex. SAM: Look at you, you’re a killer. LAURA: I’m a monster! Eight! Radiant damage. MATT: Wunderbar. That finishes your turn, Jester. LAURA: Yes. The spiritual weapon’s right here, on his face. MATT: You got it. ASHLEY: He’s blinded now. MATT: Now it’s the giant’s turn. After being slammed in the face with this lollipop and the flames, is like (angry grunting). Ducks out of the way as it slams down on its head, grabs the side of the pillar, which breaks. The pillar, as it fell over, shattered into four or five pieces, grabs and picks up a single piece. The only one that it paid attention to right now is the one that lit its stomach on fire. It takes this thing and lobs it in your direction. LIAM: I’m behind the stone pressed to the back of it though, presently, correct? MATT: You do have cover. It’s three-quarters cover. What’s your armor class, currently? LIAM: It is at 14 at the moment. MATT: That adds plus five to your AC, so it’s 19 on this attack. That’s still a 21 to hit though, so it still hits you. 13 plus eight, sorry. LIAM: Well bring it on, here we go. MATT: As this chunk of the pillar goes flying across the arena towards you, it hits the top of the wall, which breaks, and a good foot and a half section of it, shatters as it slams into your chest. LIAM: What did it do, it did to 19? I can do a reaction, can’t I? MATT: You can. LIAM: I cast Shield. MATT: All right! There you go. As you see it slam into the wall above you and go swinging, you throw up the shield and all of a sudden there’s a spark of arcane energy as it gets deflected inches off of the top of Caleb’s head before slamming into the side of the actual tournament arena, hitting the stone, causing it to crack, and people in the front area (gasp). LIAM: What did he roll? TRAVIS and MARISHA: 21. LIAM: Still hits. Because that only gets me up to 19. MATT: You were 19 because you had three-quarters cover, because you were behind the wall. You had 14 plus five because you were behind– LIAM: Okay, good. MATT: At this moment, the absolute fear kicks into his eyes. The entity is going to charge forward. Right at that point, it stops and turns and sees, out of the corner of its eye, Fjord hiding behind the wall. That’s going to be its turn. Molly, you’re up. SAM: Turn into water! TRAVIS: (blubbing sounds) Surprise, bitches! LAURA: Who’s up? TALIESIN: I’m up. How dumb do I feel like being? LAURA: I feel like I’m already sweating. ASHLEY: I forgot to go to the bathroom. I’m wiggling. TALIESIN: If it’s turned towards Fjord, then I’m going to run around to the opposite side of it. MATT: Okay, to there? Is it for flanking bonus? TALIESIN: For flanking bonus. I’m going to take two slices into his leg. MATT: Go for it. LAURA: Two shots in his leg! TALIESIN: See, I didn’t do it, and then you just went ahead and did it. I’m working so hard not to do it. What’s the flanking bonus, by the way? MATT: We’ve used it occasionally, but it works against you guys as well. If you manage to get directly across from a creature with an ally in melee, you get advantage on the attack. TALIESIN: All right, so this is advantage on the attack. MATT: You were ranged last campaign so it didn’t come into play very often. TALIESIN: No, not very often. I was trying to remember. I’m not feeling good about that one. Here we are. That’s a 25 to hit. MATT: That hits. TALIESIN: I assume I don’t get the extra bonus for radiant. MATT: No, he’s not undead. TALIESIN: (counting) Eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage for the first strike. TALIESIN: Then the next one is a natural 20! That’s 14 points of damage. MATT: The first strike you carve up alongside its blubbery, thick belly that’s flipping over this piece of cloth that it has matted around its midsection. As you cut through, it buckles a little bit on that one side of the leg and you use that moment to cut behind its thigh, right down below where the Achilles tendon is. As you cut across, blood spatters across the sand and (yelling). TALIESIN: All right! MATT: That’s your turn? TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m holding. MATT: He’s going to use a legendary action. LAURA: A legendary?! He’s legendary?! MATT: He’s a frenzied solo, yeah. TRAVIS: He’s a frenzied solo? What does that mean? MATT: He’s going to go ahead and use his Furious Smash. TALIESIN: Is he going to attack me? MATT: He’s going to attack, yeah, for slashing him. TALIESIN: I’m definitely using Blood Maledict then, at full use. That was not good, that was bad. All right, that’s all right. MATT: Okay, so he has disadvantage on the attack. TALIESIN: Yeah, and the next one. MATT: That’s still a 13 plus eight. TALIESIN: Yeah, that hits. MATT: As you slam and slice into the back of the leg, he angrily turns back and swings down towards you and his eyes go black. There’s a brief shake, it’s still a massive club and you try to move out of the way but it’s too fast, slamming onto you, knocking you onto the ground. Your wind is knocked out of you and your whole world goes dazed and white for a moment. This is going to be 26 points of bludgeoning damage. TALIESIN: I’m out. SAM: What? TRAVIS: Wow! Fuck! Yes! Oh man! SAM: You wanted to. LAURA: I underestimated the amount of damage he would do to us. MATT: That was a really good damage roll. It reactively slams into Molly with the club. As the dust settles, Molly is not moving on the ground, probably pushed about an inch or two into the dirt and sand. There’s a crater where the head of the club had impacted, and Molly is not moving. LIAM: That really hurt, Charlie! MATT: Beau, your turn. LAURA: His name is Charlie. MARISHA: Okay, I feel like this has changed the plan that I had. SAM: Her plan was to hit Molly. It was a weird plan. TALIESIN: He has disadvantage on his next attack as well. MARISHA: Fjord, I feel like I should get up there. TRAVIS: I’m just saying, this is a last man standing kind of thing. MARISHA: You’re the only one there. TRAVIS: That’s okay. Think of the team! MARISHA: All right. Just this one time, though. I’m going to throw a throwing star. MATT: You’re going to throw a throwing star? Okay, go ahead. MARISHA: Natural 20. (cheering) MARISHA: (singing) Happy birthday to me! Well, that was the world’s shittiest die roll, though. No wait, I only get 1d4, right? It’s just a d4 plus my bonus? MATT: It’s 1d4 times two, plus your bonus. MARISHA: Okay, sorry. That’s a better roll. (counting) Ten damage? MATT: Okay, ten damage! TALIESIN: Way too happy about that ten damage. MARISHA: I don’t get another one, right? It’s just one action. MATT: No, because unarmed attack, it’s for the outside, yeah. MARISHA: Okay, and I’m going to move. MATT: You throw one of these spindly jagged star darts on the side. You throw it through the air and it sinks into its stomach. You don’t even see where it impacted except for a small red line where it’s beginning to bleed from where it carved into its belly. MARISHA: I hit him! Then that’s it, that’s my turn. MATT: You’re going to stay there? MARISHA: I’m going to stay there. MATT: That finishes Beau’s turn, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Hexblade’s Curse on this giant. Hyuck Hyuck! I’m going to summon my Wastehunter falchion, two-handed, and I’m going to cut into his thigh. LAURA: Isn’t your Hex still up from the last game, too? TRAVIS: No. It was up until the second round and then that was it. TALIESIN: Also does that mean that his reaction has been burned by the legendary action? Is the legendary action a separate thing from– MATT: Legendary actions are different from reactions. TALIESIN: All right, so he’s still got a reaction. Just checking. TRAVIS: 25. MATT: That hits. As the large falchion appears, curved and jagged, you see this splash of seawater across the side of the giant as its eyes are now set back on Fjord. At this point, the curse sets in, the blood spatters on the ground begin to come up into these black forms and adhere to his legs. TRAVIS: 13 points of damage plus two for the Hexblade’s Curse. MATT: 15, nice. TRAVIS: With my speed, I’m going to run to the north as far as 30 will carry me. LAURA: He’s going to hit you. TRAVIS: I know, he’s going to hit me next turn anyway. MATT: 30 will get you there, and he gets an attack of opportunity against you. As you strike it in the side and you go to run, you get a fair distance, but the reach with that club is just far enough where it doesn’t necessarily need it. As you go charging forward– he has disadvantage because of that. That makes it a 13. TRAVIS: Armor class 15! MATT: You hear the (booming) from behind as it slams into the ground. The earth leaves your foot for a second and you land again. You make your way to the edge. Well done, that ends your turn. That brings us to Yasha. ASHLEY: Can I make it over east? Let’s go east, near his butt. How far can I get? MATT: You can get there. LAURA: Hit him in his butt! ASHLEY: I’m going to hit him in the arse with the Magician’s Judge. Reckless. MATT: Reckless? Go for it. ASHLEY: 15. MATT: 15 hits. LAURA: Does that mean he’s going to get advantage on you now? ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: But wait, you get to dispel magic! ASHLEY: Oh shit, that’s so bad. MATT: Double ones. TRAVIS: Are they really? Double unos? ASHLEY: Double unos. Five points of damage! MATT: As you go rushing by, you weren’t paying attention for the last impact, and you see out of the corner your eye Molly in the ground, jammed in and unconscious, bleeding out, and that’s just enough, being not in an enraged state, to viscerally affect you and shakes you just enough for you to swing the blade. It hits the leg, but it wasn’t enough actual impact to carve into the flesh. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: That ends your turn, Yasha. Nott, you’re up. SAM: (sighs) Do we heal, or do we get this guy? TRAVIS: You don’t heal. Hit him. SAM: No, I mean Molly. TRAVIS: Fuck Molly! SAM: All right, I’ll clock around the corner and fire off a shot. MARISHA: He has potentially three rounds until he dies. TRAVIS: I love Molly, but fuck. TALIESIN: I don’t. SAM: 20 to hit. MATT: That hits. You can roll damage. SAM: Okay. MATT: He is adjacent to Yasha, so it is sneak attack damage. SAM: Ew, terrible. LAURA: Oh my god! What’s with these rolls!? ASHLEY: We’re going to die. LAURA: No, don’t say it. ASHLEY: We’re going to live. SAM: Nine points of damage. TRAVIS: Not as convincing. MATT: Hey it adds up, guys. It’s cool. As you duck around the corner, you release the bolt. It sinks into the chest area and looks around in the direction trying to find you. You still have 20 feet of movement. MARISHA: You don’t have Healing Word or anything anymore? SAM: No, I’m not a– LAURA: Nobody has. MATT: It’s not a rogue thing, unfortunately. SAM: You can perform one of these (mumbling) use a bonus action to control the hand. Fuck. Okay, I can’t cast Mage Hand as a bonus action with Legerdemain or whatever, right? I can only use it. Okay, then I will fire again, why not? Natural 20. (cheering) TRAVIS: So casual, that’s a good– LAURA: Ah! SAM: Does that double my dice? LAURA: Yeah! SAM: Plus that’s 16 points of damage. LAURA: Nice. ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. MATT: The first one hit, and he starts growling, and looks right in your direction. You go (screams), fire a second one that goes right into one of its eyes and starts roaring. It gets caught right up inside. It doesn’t quite pierce the eyeball, but it gets up into the socket. LAURA: (groans) That would suck so hard. MATT: It’s scratching at its face angrily. LAURA: Good thing he’s already frenzied. SAM: Then movement to clock right back around that corner of the– MATT: Right there? SAM: Yeah, of the structure. Yeah, right there. MATT: Okay. That’s your turn, Nott. SAM: Yep. MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I was considering going out there, but I’m not going to do it. I’m going to bend around the side and fire off another Fire Bolt at it. At Charlie. That is a 12 to hit. MATT: That does not hit, unfortunately. It just misses. As you see once again, Molly on the ground and Yasha barely making an impact. Nott gets a couple good hits off, and you try to fire. Unfortunately, as he pulls back to grasp the face, the Fire Bolt goes wide past where the head previously was. LIAM: Yeah, I’m going to use my movement to back up behind that column. MATT: There? LIAM: Ja. MATT: That would put you about there. That ends your turn, Caleb? LIAM: Ja. MATT: Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. Molly, I’ll get you as soon as he moves. Okay? So that he doesn’t hit me. Okay? TALIESIN: (humming) SAM: (strained) I’m dead. LAURA: I’m going to move Spiritual Weapon around, and I’m going to use this side. I’m going to smack him right in his funny bone. MATT: Okay. As the hand is grasping at where it got shot in the eye, it goes right for the back of the elbow. LAURA: Yeah! That hits. Then 1d8 plus four. That’s cocked. Yeah! 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage. ASHLEY: Yes! MATT: As it hits, (impact) (pained groan) He’s shaking the hand as it’s going numb. The one eye is half shut. Going (pained groans). LAURA: While he’s shaking it off, I’m going to use my bonus action to Toll the Dead! MATT: You mean your action. Because you already used your bonus action. LAURA: I’m going to use my action to Toll the Dead! SAM: I was thinking about you. LAURA: He’s going to have to roll a wisdom of 14. MATT: Wisdom of 14. Natural 19, sorry. LIAM: (farcical Czech accent) Two wild and crazy clerics. LAURA: Bullshit. So he saw me. I’m going to jump down behind, north side. Northwest side, right in the corner there. I’m going to go (small squeak) and try to not get hit. MATT: That ends your turn. It’s now the giant’s turn. As Yasha has just torn into the side, it’s going to turn back to you and is going to double club attack you. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: It has advantage on each. ASHLEY: That’s so true. MATT: Because she did Reckless. ASHLEY: Because I did Reckless like a ding-dong. LAURA: So every attack against you is– ASHLEY: Yeah. I’m dumb. MATT: The first one is a 25. ASHLEY: Well that definitely hits. I’m probably going to be unconscious. LAURA: No. MATT: Natural 20, okay. TRAVIS: Oh no. MATT: The first hit is– ASHLEY: I don’t know why I did Reckless. I’m learning, I should have waited. MATT: 23 points of damage, bludgeoning damage, from the first hit. (whack) You put your hands up, and you put the blade up to catch it, it slams into it and pulls the shoulder out of the socket and pushes you down into the dirt. As you push off, the club goes up once more and then (whack). LAURA: 23 was not the critical. SAM: Not the critical?! TALIESIN: That was not the critical. SAM: She could be perma-dead right now. MATT: I rolled an eight, seven, and a five. That’s– ASHLEY: Am I perma-dead? MATT: That’s 43 points of damage. ASHLEY: How many? MATT: 43. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: What’s your total? LIAM: What’s your max? LAURA: She’s got 40 something hit points. MATT: You have to go negative your max score. TALIESIN: Which you do not do. LAURA: Which you don’t do. TALIESIN: So you’re just unconscious. ASHLEY: I’m just unconscious. SAM: Just super-duper unconscious. TRAVIS: That was pretty close, I think. ASHLEY: Is that right? TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: Whoa. TALIESIN: You’re out. LAURA: You’re just unconscious. MATT: With the second slam, Yasha partially deflects the first impact and then vanishes in the second one. Right there next to Molly, as the dust clears, you see Yasha, unmoving, her legs up in the air, as the rest of her torso is pushed down into the dirt, and the rest of the ground is covered over, where you can see the back of her shoulders, and the back of her head, and the rest of it is dust settling. She’s not moving either. LAURA: Shit. You came close to perma-death. TALIESIN: Yeah, but not. That almost– TRAVIS: (laughs) J-E-L-L-O! MARISHA: I’m watching people get squashed in front of me. Freaking kill box. LAURA: Were you still big, too? LIAM and ASHLEY: No. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: It’s a quick thing. MATT: I think at this point– yeah, because you’re the one who shot it twice in the eye, and it saw you duck behind. (counting) TRAVIS: Stick and move. MARISHA: That’s my thing. MATT: You watch as it steps over the wall. “Tiny thing!” After it smashes Yasha, it doesn’t even care anymore and there’s a little bit of foam at the corner of the mouth. The blood’s trailing down its face from where the bolt entered. That’s going to end the giant’s turn. Molly, you’re up. Molly? Molly. LIAM: Tal. MARISHA: Molly. TALIESIN: Yeah? MATT: Molly, make a death saving throw. TALIESIN: Oh, I don’t have to. I get shocked from my– the chest. The heart locket sparks and– MATT: Oh, that’s right. TRAVIS: The what? SAM: What, you’re back up? LAURA: He bought that locket. MATT: What are the effects of the locket again? TALIESIN: What? MATT: What are the effects of the locket again? TALIESIN: Ready for this? It’s really cool. LIAM: Full HP. TALIESIN: No. When you wear this pendant, you stabilize whenever you are dying at the start of your turn. In addition, whenever you roll hit dice to regain hit points, the number of hit points– MATT: Yeah. So you stabilize. You’re still unconscious. TALIESIN: I’m unconscious, but I’m breathing. MATT: But you’re not bleeding out. TALIESIN: I’m just (deep breath). MATT: There you go. LAURA: Yasha, however– MATT: Beau, your turn. MARISHA: He’s looking at Nott pretty hard? MATT: Yeah. He’s ready to smash the little goblin. MARISHA: Okay, Beau is going to run and flank with Nott over here onto also the northwest side. MATT: Over there? Flanking would be on the opposite side. MARISHA: I have to be on the opposite side. LIAM: Yeah, you’ll get advantage. MARISHA: No, I want to go in front of him, where I can get his attention. The northwest side. MATT: Right here? MARISHA: Yeah. I’m going to point at his dick, and I’m going to go: Tiny thing! Then for my action, I’m going to take the dodge action. MATT: Okay, so your bonus action is to say “Tiny thing.” MARISHA: Huh? MATT: Your bonus action is to say “Tiny thing” towards his dick. MARISHA: Yeah. I say: Tiny thing! You tiny thing! MATT: Go ahead and make an intimidation check. MARISHA: To insult his penis size? MATT: Yes, that is exactly what you’re doing. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: You have to intimidate his dick. TRAVIS: That didn’t– MATT and LAURA: It landed. MARISHA: Well, it’s a natural one. Well, the second one was a one. First one was an eight. Neither were good. MATT: He seems to think you’re agreeing with him with regards to Nott. “I know! Tiny thing!” MARISHA: So I didn’t get his attention? MATT: No. That’s your turn. Fjord, you’re up. You’re in the middle of the field and you see both Yasha and Molly crushed into the ground. This little lollipop is (flittering) in the air behind. TRAVIS: Lovely. Yeah, I’m going to use Eldritch Blast. Shoot across the arena, 120 feet. Try and hit him. MATT: All right. You move into the space here? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: You can see him over the wall. TRAVIS: That is a 16 plus six, 22. MATT: That’ll hit. Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: That is 12 plus two, 14 points of Eldritch Blast damage. MATT: Nice! That’s a good hit. (impact) Off the side of the shoulder. You can watch where the section, where the skin used to be is now exposed muscle. Where it’s burned off, the outer layer of the body. TRAVIS: Can I use the rest of my speed to move behind the column, so that I’m hiding behind the column? MATT: Sure. TALIESIN: Was that with the Hex? MATT: With the additional Hex damage, right? SAM: Hex damage? TRAVIS: What? MATT: That was with the additional damage from the– TRAVIS: With the additional d6, yeah. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. Yasha, I need you to make a death saving throw. ASHLEY: Okay. Do I add anything? MATT: Nope. ASHLEY: A seven. MATT: That’s a fail. You failed your first death saving throw. ASHLEY: (gasps) Okay. MATT: At the end of Yasha’s turn, the giant is going to use his legendary action. He has one legendary action. Trying to do a club attack against you, Nott. MARISHA: No! LAURA: He has only one legendary action for the whole fight? MATT: Once every round. LAURA: No. MATT: That’s a 19. What’s your armor class? SAM: That hits. MARISHA: I’m sorry. I should have been more explicit about his insulting his penis size. MATT: 19 points of bludgeoning damage. SAM: Yikes. MATT: As it slams down, it hits you, and pushes you into the wall. You’re flattened against the stone which quakes. On the opposite side of it, it cracks and (stones scattering) off the back. You hear this squeak sound as Nott is crushed between the club and the wall. TRAVIS: I’ll kill him! Not Nott. SAM: It didn’t work. TALIESIN: You have to hit the confirm button. SAM: Damn it. Okay, that’s not good. MATT: It’s your turn. SAM: My turn? MATT: Yes. SAM: I will look up at the giant man who just hit me and I will take out a tiny piece of pastry and let it crumble to the ground and look up at him with fear in my voice say: Why don’t– (sighs) why don’t goblins eat court jesters? Because they taste funny. MATT: He looks very confused in the middle of his foaming frenzy. LAURA: Behind the wall I start laughing. MATT: “Jester?” SAM: I will cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter. MATT: Oh, shit. (laughs) What’s the save on that? SAM: 13. MATT: But what is it? Is it wisdom? SAM: Yeah. MATT: That is a natural 17 minus one, 16. SAM: Oh. MARISHA: Shit. SAM: Why isn’t this working? ASHLEY: He’s rolling well. LAURA: He’s rolling really well. MATT: I’m rolling really well. I’m so sorry, guys. SAM: Can I please get the changes to take? Yes, okay. Okay, that sucks. I will bonus action disengage! LAURA: Yay! Run away really far. SAM: I will run away! Just the maximum amount of running away I can do which is only 30 feet. Towards Caleb, to the north and if I can get behind that pillar. LAURA: Don’t group! MATT: You can get there. LAURA: Don’t group up. SAM: Other side, possibly? MATT: If you wanted to go around that way, you could. SAM: All right. MATT: We’ll say yeah. That’ll put you right there. Okay, that ends your turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: This is a long shot, but I have no way of damaging him. I’m going to pull out some sand out of my pocket and mutter a few arcane words and trail it in front of me and cast Sleep back behind him here so it does not touch Beauregard. MATT: Go ahead and roll your 5d8. LIAM: Ja. MATT: Go for it and tell me what the total is. LIAM: Ja, I know. This is probably not going to work, but I can’t hurt him. Fuck. Good, better. 23. MATT: 23? You watch as the large giant, (groans) (slower groan). TRAVIS: What? MATT: Steps back and hits the pillar behind him. It cracks and tilts to the side. Catches him (grunts). Falls to both knees and eventually hits the ground. This loud, heavy snore. TRAVIS: Oh, shit! MARISHA and LAURA: Do we win? MATT: He’s just unconscious. LAURA: Yeah, but does that mean we win? He’s on the ground! MATT: You shout this out? MARISHA: Huh? MATT: You’re shouting this out as this is happening? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Do we win?! MATT: They’re all waiting for a moment. SAM: Go heal Yasha! LAURA: Oh, we have to wait, it’s like turns. MATT: No one’s called the match yet. MARISHA: Fuck! SAM: Go heal Yasha! LAURA: It’s my turn now. MATT: It is your turn, yes. LIAM: We’re going round by round? MATT: Correct. LIAM: Don’t touch the giant. MATT: Any movement, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah, I will start moving towards Molly and Yasha as far as I can get. I call out, medium volume, not to the crowd but to my friends: That wasn’t even supposed to work. TRAVIS: Sand. MARISHA: You did good, Sandman. MATT: Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I’m going to run over to Yasha. MATT: (counting) You can’t quite get there. LAURA: Shit. Could I have reached Molly? MATT: You could have reached Molly, yes. LAURA: Okay, then I’ll go to Molly first. Sorry, Yasha. ASHLEY: That’s okay. LAURA: I’m going to– MATT: Well, actually if you were here, you could have gotten to there. LAURA: I could have gotten to Yasha? Okay, then I’m going to– because she’s dying. I’m going to use Cure Wounds on her. My last spell, y'all. That is 1d8. TRAVIS: That’s all right, you’re going to wake up, and you’re going to fucking go apeshit. LAURA: Ten points of healing for you. ASHLEY: I’ll take it. Oh, thank you. I add that here? LAURA: And you’re up! Then for my bonus action, I’m going to send my Spiritual– oh, no. SAM: You can do whatever you want. LAURA: No, I can’t– if I touch him, he wakes up. LIAM: Yeah, don’t touch him. SAM: You can get it over there. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to bring my Spiritual Weapon over to him. MATT: You can move it 20 feet there. LAURA: I can move it 60 feet. MATT: Well, the range is 60 feet, but as a bonus action it moves 20. LAURA: I see, okay. TALIESIN: That’s why I was like, get it closer. MATT: Next, the giant’s turn. It stays unconscious for the duration until something hits it. Yeah, so it’s a minute. LIAM: Until we touch it, so we need to get in a Goodfellas circle around it to decide who’s going to beat the shit out of him, and don’t touch it before that moment. LAURA: We have a whole minute? LIAM: Caleb says. Yeah. MATT: Potentially, guys, here, figure out what your plan is until someone touches it. LAURA: I can heal Molly while that’s going on, then. ASHLEY: Yeah. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to give Molly a healing potion. TRAVIS: He doesn’t roll to wake up or anything? MATT: No, he doesn’t. He stabilizes. LIAM: I’m going to move back by where Fjord is right now, behind that column. MARISHA: Me and you take the head, maybe we can– MATT: Moving which one? LIAM: Stand me by Fjord, to the north. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Yeah. SAM: I’m going to take a healing potion. MATT: Okay. LAURA: 2d4, I think I roll it. TALIESIN: Does she roll the healing potion if I take it, or do I roll it? MATT: It doesn’t matter who rolls it, really. TALIESIN: Okay, because I was curious if my locket gives me– does it count as my hit dice or no? MATT: Well, healing potion isn’t hit dice. Hit dice is only when you’re taking a short rest. LAURA: That’s good. Seven plus two, so nine points of healing. TALIESIN: Okay. ASHLEY: Thank you, Jester. TALIESIN: Thank you. LAURA: You’re welcome, I’m sorry it’s kind of a weak thing, though. ASHLEY: I give her an awkward side hug. LAURA: (gasps) Thank you. I give you a big waist hug back. ASHLEY: Oh. TALIESIN: I’m going to crawl behind there, and at the very least I can– MATT: Behind where? TALIESIN: To the west, behind that rock right there. I can, at the very least, keep trying to give him disadvantage on at least one attack. LAURA: I’m going to go northeast. MATT: Where, like over here? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Anybody else? MARISHA: Yasha and I are going to flank his head. LIAM: I’ll form the head. MATT: Okay, so you’re going here, and Yasha’s going here, is that what you’re doing? MARISHA: Yeah, we want to both try and get him in the head. ASHLEY: I want to put points down on his– MATT: Well, you can’t both go for the head, if you’re flanking. Either you can both get by the head– MARISHA: That’s what I’m saying. We flank his head. MATT: Oh I see. MARISHA: Sorry. I used poor language. We’re both by his head. MATT: That’s okay. All right. SAM: Then I’ll walk around the other side of the pillar so I get a good clean shot. Am I within 30 feet? I want to be within 30 feet. MATT: Within 30 feet, you would be there. LAURA: Oh god. SAM: (crossbow loading) Ready to go. MATT: Who’s taking the first shot? LAURA: Then as soon as his eyes start to flutter open, right? LIAM: Whoever hits big hit first. TALIESIN: Or also, because he’ll get the one legendary, but other than that, it’s whatever we can get the fullest round. LIAM: Whoever can do the most damage with one attack should go first. MATT: Who’s attacking first? LAURA: Who’s going first? ASHLEY: I feel like you could do the most damage. LAURA: Do it! Go, Beau! MARISHA: Okay. I look at Yasha and I’ll go down first. Right after me. Okay, ready? I’m going to aim right for his other eye socket, the other one that Nott hit, and come down right in the middle, try and gore his head out. MATT: Go for a roll. It’s a melee attack, you have advantage because he’s unconscious. MARISHA: Please don’t fuck up on a sleeping guy. 14 and 15. MATT: Okay. It’s an auto-crit, because he’s unconscious. LAURA: (gasps) Auto-crit! MARISHA: Okay. MATT: It’s with your staff. MARISHA: Oh god, it’s a one. MATT: Aw. Two damage, plus– MARISHA: Plus four, so six damage. That sucks. LAURA: Oh, that is painful. MATT: As you slam down, it hits right off the ocular socket, and skids off the skull, (growl) the eye shoots open, the other one still swollen from the shot earlier, opens as well. (roaring) MARISHA: I take my bonus action and Three Stooges style, go poke, right in his eye. That’s a natural 18. MATT: You still get advantage because he’s prone. MARISHA: Okay, let me see if I get that crit. No, 18 though. TRAVIS: Damn it, that would be great. Crit eye poke! MARISHA: God, a one again. Five damage. Lot of crappy damage rolls. MATT: Poof, right in the eye. (roaring) The eye closes instinctually, and the arms begin to flail, as it’s trying to– SAM: Are we allowed to attack, or no? MATT: No, because that’s the end of Beau’s turn, now it’s Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: Right. MATT: At the end of Beau’s turn, it’s going to go ahead and use its recovered legendary action to– LAURA: Can you run away before he can get an opportunity of attack on you? TALIESIN: Technically he hasn’t had a– oh, no, he did, because it’s a whole round back, never mind. MATT: It’s been a number of rounds. TALIESIN: I’m working every bloody angle I can think of. SAM: We weren’t holding our action for when they– I guess we never said it. MATT: You didn’t declare it. SAM: Oh, fuck. I thought it was implied, we were just waiting for it to wake up. MARISHA: I thought you said, who’s going to attack first, we were going to Goodfellas it. We were going to do that. MATT: Okay, well, from now on if you’re going to hold your action, please specify that. Those who were nearby needed to hold an action, that would be you, Molly. MARISHA: Can I then move and try and jump over him so I then flank him with Yasha? Can I use my movement to get to the other side? MATT: No, because if you guys were holding your action to the trigger of you attacking, then they’re all going before you do that. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: Cool. Take your turns. TALIESIN: I’m going to go ahead and say, (demonic voice) You got hit in the face with a piece of lollipop! I’m going to attempt to do four psychic damage and give him– MATT: That’s a 15. 16 minus one, yeah. TALIESIN: (sigh) Will you roll under 15 eventually? Okay. MATT: I know, I’ve been rolling really fucking well tonight, I’m sorry! LIAM: You gave him the die. TALIESIN: I know. MATT: It’s also a DC 10, but yeah. All right. SAM: 23 to hit. MATT: You have disadvantage because he’s prone. SAM: 22 to hit. MATT: Okay. Still hits. SAM: That is 13 points of damage. MATT: 13 points of damage? How do you want to do this? (cheering) SAM: Trying not to hit Yasha or Beau, I would love the bolt to go through its belly as far as it can go. LAURA and SAM: Right in the belly button. MATT: As it begins to thrash about, its one hand hits the ground, kicking up all this dust and sand. The other club comes back, using it to get up off its feet, it looks like it’s ready to swing out towards Yasha and Beau, who’s just finished slamming into the creature. At that moment, you see the exposed belly that already has gashes in it from the wound, and you wait and release right for the opening. As it sinks in, it stands up anyway, and you watch as blood begins to pour out. You hit something major, and it’s starting to bleed out and it– LAURA: I did not expect that to happen! MATT: Takes a swing, and at this point there’s already blood draining out, and the swing goes wide, hits the ground, falls back onto its butt, and proceeds to slowly go back to sleep forever. LAURA and TRAVIS: Forever. TALIESIN: (whisper) Shh. Go to sleep. SAM: Do we win yet? MATT: At which point there’s a pause, this awkward quiet before the entire audience at once goes (cheering). LAURA: I use my Thaumaturgy to start chanting, Nott, Nott, Nott, Nott! ALL except SAM: (chanting) Nott, Nott, Nott, Nott! SAM: No, don’t draw any attention to me, no, don’t see me, no! TRAVIS: I look over at Caleb and say; No big deal, right? LIAM: I pull my hood further down over my face. MATT: The cheers continue as the large goliath steps out again with his tattoos and spiked armor, and he goes, “There we have it, the third round completion of The Mighty Nein! But one more fight “stands. Congratulations!” You guys are then led over to the holding area off to the side, as you pass your friends of the Stubborn Stock. LAURA: I grab my Spiritual Weapon as we’re leaving and drag the giant lollipop out of the arena with me. MATT: Leaving this large groove in the sand behind you. As you guys walk by, the team begins to– there’s this slow motion, like opposing little league baseball teams passing each other. MATT, MARISHA, LAURA, and ASHLEY: Good game. MATT: You see Darrow, who gives this, “Not too bad, well played.” Gives a smile as he continues past. You see the dwarven crossbow ranger gives a grin with his big scruffy poof beard. There’s the half-elf woman with two warhammers that she’s spinning on the leather straps on the end. You see this really fucking old guy. This wrinkly, old prospector-looking eyes through these wrinkled slits. (hoarse greeting) TRAVIS, MARISHA, and ASHLEY: Fucking old. MATT: I have no other way to describe him. TRAVIS: Old as balls. LAURA: Is his hair long or short? MATT: His hair’s long past his shoulders, but it’s super bald skullet on top. You see there’s a tattooed halfling, who’s got his chin in the air, grin and give you a show, and there’s the human archer that has a longbow that’s at the ready. All of them walk by, all six of them, into the center of the arena. SAM: As we walk by, can I try to untie the old guy’s shoelaces? MATT: Make a sleight of hand check. SAM: 20. MATT: (laughs) He does not notice. It’s not a shoelace, unfortunately. There’s a boot lace. You untie it. You don’t know how much of an effect it will have. TRAVIS: You just killed that old man. Well done, Nott. LAURA: They looked pretty cool. MARISHA: They did. LAURA: Do you think we looked that cool? MARISHA: I liked how the archer was walking around ready, all the time, maybe we should do that. LAURA: Yeah. Nott, always keep your crossbow loaded. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: But how will I drink? MATT: As you guys make your way into the holding area, the doors close once more. As the goliath, Jermai Kull, shouts out, “For the final match of the tournament, and the final round, the Stubborn "Stock!” The audience big shouts, screams, hands in the air, then silence. (monster shriek) The gates on the side open as they all circle around and look ready, not able to really ascertain the direction. All the gates open, and then barreling through at the far side, you see a large 20-foot dragonoid creature with a long snout, wings that have been carved and cut to where it cannot fly, and it’s lumbering forward without its flight. No arms, just the wings, giant clawed legs, and a long tail with a large poison stinger at the end. This is a wyvern. A wyvern that’s been prevented flight, and comes barreling straight to the center. They immediately go into a formation to accept the creature as it goes. Darrow rushes up with his battleaxe and starts cutting into the creature. You see this divine energy flicker off the arc as it slams into the side of this, this flash of radiant energy off of his battleaxe. He pulls away, his long black ponytail swishing behind from the arc of the blow. As he ducks out of the way, the tail swings and he ducks underneath it. The archer pulls back an arrow and the arrow flashes bright blue-green energy before it strikes and bursts into arcane energy on the side of this wyvern. It turns around and grabs the dwarf by the head and begins to thrash around with him in its jaws, throwing him about ten feet, he skids to the ground, falls unconscious in the first round. LAURA: Just like you, Molly! MATT: The old armored guy pulls up a symbol from his chest and begins to chant in the wrong direction, before the halfling grabs him and spins him this way, and he goes, “Right, ha!” and continues his chants. Another weapon, a Spiritual Weapon appears and apparates, but it looks like a large club of stone that begins to slam. The wyvern spins around and its tail manages to impact the belly of the old guy as he finishes his chant, and you watch him go limp and fall to the ground. MARISHA: Guys, I feel like we got the better end of the deal on this draw. Kind of glad I’m not fighting this thing. MATT: The halfling with the tattoos tears his shirt down and exposes all these tattoos on his chest, and he slaps them and begins to chant in a Haka-style chant. He begins to (chanting). As he’s doing this chant, all of his allies that are standing begin to get revved up, before he rushes in and pulls a blade and strikes at the wyvern, carving into its side. LAURA: Yasha, you should do that. MARISHA: We should rip off these guys’ aesthetic completely. ASHLEY: I just like the idea of the formation. MARISHA: Yeah, formations are cool. MATT: You watch as the dwarven crossbow ranger rushes up and brings the cleric back to health. The cleric comes to consciousness and then brings through a quick casting of a spell off to the side, the– what’s the other one there, it was the– LAURA: Was the old guy the cleric? MATT: The old guy’s the one that went down, and– actually, no, the dwarf you thought was down actually gets back up. He wasn’t unconscious, just knocked really hard. He gets up, makes sure the cleric is up. The cleric heals some people around them and they begin to curl around it. They continue to strike and back and forth, the audience is breathless at moments. The wyvern jumps up on top of one of the walls, its stinger spins around and jams into Darrow. You see Darrow, the leader, takes a blow to the chest, and he goes unconscious on the ground before the wyvern pounces on him and starts tearing into the body. LAURA: He’s eating him! MATT: The halfling, who’s still continuing this chant, rushes forward, leaps onto its back and begins carving at the back of its neck. The elderly cleric begins approaching, still chanting in his mind and he’s unleashing heal spells, and occasionally throwing a bolt of energy, an electrical divine bolt of energy strikes the side of the wyvern. The dwarven ranger unleashes strike after strike of the crossbow and the wyvern’s hitting whatever comes near it. Two more of the members go unconscious and it gets down to just three on their side, before they manage to continue to stab into its side. Like a long-running bull fighting ring, both sides are exhausted at this point. Three of the six are down and the wyvern’s still standing. Darrow has gotten back up and is breathing hard. He backs around the side and they’ve all surrounded the wyvern who’s feeling cornered at this point, blood pouring from different wounds on its body. It gives another loud shriek. It turns around towards the elderly cleric and charges him and with a giant sweep of its jaw, sends him about ten, 15 feet in the air before he lands and rolls, unconscious on the ground. SAM: Does the shoe fall off? MATT: There’s two left. The boot does dislodge and arc an additional ten feet before resting away from– TRAVIS: Catching on the power line. MARISHA: Knock down the shoes. MATT: With that, the two standing members which are Darrow and the halfling both charge in. The halfling gives a pat on Darrow’s shoulder and shouts out a phrase in a language you don’t understand. Darrow seems to embolden his muscles, rushes in for a strike and carves down with his battleaxe into the back of the neck after it slammed into the cleric. As the blade sinks in about five or six inches, the large battle cry that it gave shrinks back into this weird withering screech. As it whips around, Darrow pulls his battleaxe out and backs away a few steps. The wyvern falls to its knees and with that Darrow spins the battleaxe in his hands and carves off the rest of its head with two, three, four strikes before it collapses. With that (cheering). LAURA: I use Thaumaturgy to say in the audience, “The Mighty Nein are cooler still.” MATT: (chuckles) The cheers are deafening at this point. The gates open in front of you as the emcee walks out once more and goes, “An incredible fight by the Stubborn Stock! Bring out our other "winners, The Mighty Nein!” The audience goes into loud cheers. You guys step out into the arena. The same crew’s coming out and dragging the body of the wyvern off down into the depths of where it was originally unleashed and the doors close behind. The clerics rush out and bring to consciousness the other members of the Stubborn Stock. They all eventually rise, beaten and bruised and as winded as a lot of you look. They give you a look as you approach and it’s a “well done” smile. Wordless, but a nod of respect. Then you to the right side of Jermai Kull, them to the left. “Raise your arms! For today on this Harvest Close, you are the victors!” The crowd goes crazy once more, flowers and bits of rice grain and all sorts of things are thrown into the center of the ring in part of the celebration. LAURA: Throw some money instead! MATT: There are copper flung from the audience, from the row. You guys take that moment. While it’s frustrating to share it, maybe, you made it. One of the gates on the opposite side opens up and a group of seven individuals begin to approach in various robes. You recognize a lot of them as people that were in the lounge earlier before you entered this actual arena. They’re carrying a small chest of iron and dark set wood and as they place it on the ground, they begin to pull out sacks of money. They’re presenting you the divided prize. That’s three rounds for the group and each round was 200 gold. That’s 600 gold that you guys get to divide and then the final pot was 2000 divided amongst the two teams. An additional 1000 to your team. So 1600 gold. TRAVIS: Not bad. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: As the money’s delivered to you, you acquire your reward. There’s a final burst of cheers from the audience and you’re escorted back into the holding area where the other groups have already left. They close the doors behind and it seems like the fanfare’s over, the attention on you, momentarily, has faded and it’s just you guys, the clerics, and the other group, the Stubborn Stock. LAURA: Did you say all the politicians have already left as well? MATT: Last you saw, they were up in the stands. LAURA: Oh, okay. Okay. MATT: You guys just got back to the holding area, taking a breath for yourself. TALIESIN: Is there a heal spell in the house? (groan) MATT: Darrow goes, “That’s a really good question. Clerics?” The clerics say, “We’ve used most of "them, but I can offer a couple.” They come up and they give you a heal. You heal eight hit points. TALIESIN: That helps. LAURA: Heal Yasha too, she’s really low. MATT: Yasha, you get one and then that’s a ten. You heal ten. Then two other spells are delivered to the opposing side. The other team. LAURA: Yeah, because they had a lot more people that fell, actually, so they probably need it really bad. TRAVIS: That was very well fought. Impressive. MATT: “I appreciate that. I say the same to your team. That was no small feat. I mean, literally. "It was very large feet on that gentleman.” LAURA: But a very tiny dick, as was pointed out by our friend, Beau. MATT: “As I heard that from across the way.” MARISHA: Really, he doesn’t catch nuance though, so. MATT: “That’s okay.” MARISHA: Good to know for next time. MATT: “Apparently giants do not suffer the same insecurities that most people in this town does.” LIAM: What happens now? Do we just go home after this or is there some sort of soirée afterwards? MATT: “Oh, there is, but in the lounge area. Come!” LIAM: Who is invited to the party? MATT: “Well, the winners, of course.” MARISHA: Is there free booze? MATT: “Most likely.” MARISHA: All right. MATT: “Come on!” TALIESIN: I need a drink. MATT: The dwarf behind you goes, “Oh, aye. I could go with that one too. (grunts)” He’s holding his back. The half-elf who had the two warhammers goes, “Oh, don’t worry, honey.” Scruffs his hair. He goes, “Stop it!” He puts his arm around her waist and the two walk off together. TRAVIS: Dwarf got game. LAURA: They’re cute together. MATT: You’re led back to the lounge where you had originally signed up for this, also the same place where you had overheard the conversation with Starosta. As you enter now, it’s still that low-lit interior with the fine furniture, cushions. The food spread has been refilled. The drinks are poured. The servants are going around with their trays to make sure that everyone has opportunity to eat and drink as you go. Inside, however, it is a little busier than the last time you recall. The Starosta, Wyatt, is there as well, currently entertaining a few guests in there. There’s a couple of well-dressed merchants that look like they’re dressed in the same way that many of travelers from the Menagerie Coast are. There’s one of them who looks like they’re wearing clothing that’s a little more exotic than you’re familiar with. You do also see, within this area– let’s see here. You see Lawmaster Orentha Stonegrasp, there with her gray, curled hair, the older dwarven Lawmaster of Zadash. LAURA: Oh, she’s the one that we talked to before. MATT: Briefly, yeah. You had one encounter with. Alongside her is Dolan Thrym and two other people you haven’t met. SAM, MARISHA, and LAURA: Dolan. LAURA: The guy from the– SAM: Our Dolan. LIAM: Are they totally visible to us? What are their physical appearance? MATT: Oh the what– what? LIAM: The people that are with Dolan, what do they look like? MATT: Oh. They both appear to be wearing similar dull gold robes as to what you’ve seen members of the King’s Hall wear. But they’re a little more casual. They’re not quite as presentory or “in-the-office” mode. TRAVIS: The individuals that are in the more exotic clothing than we’re used to, what can we see of them? What do they look like? MATT: Well, there’s two people dressed in merchant garb that you see, the colors and the silks and the billowing pants and the jewellery is very reminiscent of Menagerie Coast where it has a lot of finger chains that attach to rings and it’s this very presentory jewelry, that isn’t classic European in visual aesthetic. You’ve seen it around in town where you grew up so you gather these people are from Menagerie Coast folk. The one who looks very exotic has very light linen outfit that is a dull eggshell white, but then has trim that is gold and purple. The pants are a deep blue. Short black hair, dark skin, bright smile, but you don’t notice any other cultural touchstones that you have any previous experience with. LAURA: Have I ever seen an outfit like that before? MATT: You may have seen things similar to it passing through your town from a distance or from your mom’s place of business, but nothing that you would necessarily know. Roll a history check, actually. SAM: She knows her history. LAURA: 19? MATT: Actually. You get the sense that this is probably Marquesian. He’s probably travelled from Marquet, which is a long way away. Very rare that you find people coming all the way from Marquet to the Empire, especially. Menagerie Coast a little more often, but this is something different. As you approach and enter, the Stubborn Stock immediately scatter to the food and drink. Starosta Wyatt, who you had seen briefly but not actually engaged with before, stands up as tall as a halfling can as you approach with his curly, matted hair and the shocks of white and gray on the sides. His arms open and he goes, “Congratulations! I just had to come and tell you personally a fantastic display. "Come closer, please, I want to meet all of you.” He starts putting hands out to meet you. “What’s "your name?” ASHLEY: Hello. I am Yasha. MATT: “Yasha. Pleasure to meet you. Fantastic performance. You’re a mighty warrior. I’m really "impressed.” ASHLEY: Thank you very much. MATT: “Oh. You are?” TALIESIN: Molly. Charmed. MATT: “Molly Charmed. Good, pleasure to meet you.” TALIESIN: That’ll do. MATT: “Fantastic. You, miss?” LAURA: Lady Fancypants McGee. MATT: “That’s a curious name.” LAURA: So nice to meet you. MATT: “Pleasure to meet you as well. Pants are rather fancy, well done. You there, little missy?” SAM: Hi. I’m just Pam. MATT: “Pam. Pleasure. Shy. That’s okay, that’s allowed. What’s your name?” LIAM: Caleb. MATT: “Caleb. Pleasure, pleasure to meet you. You are?” MARISHA: Beau. MATT: “Beau. Well, pleasure to meet you as well. And you, sir?” TRAVIS: Fjord. It’s been an honor fighting in your Victory Pit. MATT: “Oh, well, I will tell you, a brilliant display of skill and precisely the kind of "showmanship the fine people of Zadash need right now. I appreciate your being a part of this. It’s "well-earned victory and–” SAM: Was this person in the conversation I was spying on before? MATT: Yes. He was the one who was being notified. This is the Starosta of Zadash. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Have tensions eased in the city a bit since, you know, the incident? MATT: “The incident?” TRAVIS: Well, in the tower with the– yeah. MATT: “Oh, right. Well, we’ve taken care of that for the time being. Repairs have been made, the "tower’s back where it was. The individuals you probably want to talk to about that are over there "in the corner.” They were faced away from you when you first entered, but looking out from the far window that leads to the outside, you see two figures faced away, looking outward, holding glasses of wine. It looks to be the two figures you saw when you first entered the ring, Oremid Hass, the headmaster of the Zauber Spire. Or the Halls of Erudition. LAURA: Then the dude in the white robes? MATT: The dude in the white robes. MARISHA: Oh shit. LIAM: They were the two that were just pointed out to all of us. MATT: Yes. They were just facing away from you guys. Wyatt Fedar says, “If you want to enquire "the specifics, they’d be the ones to talk to. I will say, I’ve recently been notified by "Stonegrasp.” He points over to the Lawmaster, who’s in conversation on the side with her own people. “That you had already completed some dangerous contract work for the city, is that "correct?” TRAVIS: That’s indeed true, yeah. We found ourselves in harm’s way. We’re always looking for the next bit of adventure to put some coin in our pockets and do the city some good. MATT: “That’s fantastic.” LAURA: We beat a spider. MATT: “That’s the one she mentioned. That thing had been a problem for some time, I hear, so it’s "greatly appreciated. You’ve done twice now, a great service for this city. Well, this evening is "yours to celebrate. Things shifting as they are, we may have need of upstanding and skilled "citizens of the Empire such as yourselves in the near future. Should you be interested, that is.” LAURA: Is everything okay, Starosta? You seem rather stressed. I’m good at spotting these things. MATT: “I appreciate that. My position here comes with a number of responsibilities so at any given "point in time I’m probably am very visibly stretched, but I’m doing the best I can. I "appreciate that. Where might we contact you, should we be so interested?” TRAVIS: Well, we’re frequently at the– what the name was the– LAURA: The Leaky Tap. TRAVIS: The Leaky Tap. Yep. MATT: “Leaky Tap Tavern, okay.” TALIESIN: Frequently, not always. LAURA: Yeah. Sometimes we stay at the Pillow Trove, you know. TALIESIN: Sometimes we’re out and about. MATT: “All right. Well, good to know. Should we have need of you, we’ll know where to come and "find you.” TRAVIS: Actually, on the Pillow Trove: you know, sometimes people don’t quite know the services we do for the city. Sure would help if we had some sort of slip or badge that would allow us to move more freely, you know? LIAM: Through the gates. MATT: “Oh well, that’s not a worry, I don’t think. Simon!” Hits the side of the chair and one of the crownsguard comes up, but a more decorated crownsguard. Looks like he holds more status and he goes, “Yes, Starosta?” He looks about and says, “Can we ensure that the rest of your body of "soldiers understand that these fine champions of this year’s Harvest Close festival are allowed "entry and exit from our fine Tri-Spires?” He’s like, “Yes, sir. We will make sure that the "Crownsguard are aware of The Mighty Nein and their ability to pass in and out unimpeded.” TRAVIS: Most gracious of you. LAURA: Thank you so much. What is your name? MATT: “Oh, I’m Jeremiah. Captain Jeremiah. I’m– anyway. Well done, well fought.” He takes a step back out of the conversation and you get the sense that there’s a little bit of a hierarchy there where the Starosta, not meaning to, but there’s a very much, “I should not be part of this "conversation,” and he steps out of it. “Well. Very well. Look, enjoy your well-earned evening of "revelry as much as you can. I have a sense there are some stressful days ahead so enjoy it. Rest "well.” Takes his glass and drinks to you. SAM: To a better tomorrow! MATT: “Indeed, young girl.” He turns around and sits up on the couch, and re-engages in conversation with one of his various guests. TRAVIS: He certainly seems stressed. SAM: He’s going to die tomorrow in war. TRAVIS: What? SAM: We all are. TRAVIS: What are you talking about? SAM: Didn’t I tell you guys? There’s a war starting tomorrow? TRAVIS: Did you? SAM: I overheard them. Yes! LAURA: She did tell us. SAM: We’re all going to die. We should leave now. LAURA: We’re not going to die. The war is very far away from us. TALIESIN: I can’t believe I find myself agreeing with Nott here. We should get out of town while it’s still possible. TRAVIS: Really? We’re just starting to climb our way up through this thing. TALIESIN: You leave the table when you’ve got the pot. You don’t wait for everything to go back to the dealer. LIAM: I think for a day or two, everyone here is going to be very preoccupied in the city. If there is anything you are thinking of doing, it would be a good time to do it. LAURA: We should steal everything. TALIESIN: At some point, they’re going to start looking for people to fight this war, and I’m not sure I want to be around for it, because boy they know who we are now. LIAM: What I am suggesting is a compromise. Not leaving immediately, but soon. LAURA: I need time to go back to the Pillow Trove, you guys. LIAM: DM, can you remind me what time of day it is? MATT: It’s past dusk now. At this point, nine o'clock in the evening. LIAM: On past days, has Pumat’s place been open this late? MATT: It has been. TALIESIN: I still have a giant tapestry over my shoulder. LAURA: I like to think you did the entire fight with it. TALIESIN: I put it down before the fight. TRAVIS: Anyone else pick up on those two individuals over in the corner? LAURA: Well, he pointed them out, we should go talk to them. MARISHA: They look familiar. LAURA: What should we say? ASHLEY: Do you want me to do the talking? TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yes. ASHLEY: I was kidding. SAM: No, you should. You weren’t with us the night that all this went down, so they would not suspect you of anything. LAURA: That’s actually true. TRAVIS: Outside your boundaries, here you go. Let’s go. ASHLEY: Fjord, can you come– We’re all going to go, right? TRAVIS: Sure. Yeah. I’ll join you. Jester? LAURA: You want me to come, too? TALIESIN: I actually think maybe it should be her and Beau, because they won’t recognize her, and human faces tend to blend into the crowd, whereas we do not. LAURA: I can listen to the Starosta. TRAVIS: Fair enough. LIAM: I am already hanging out by the door to this place. I left 30 seconds ago. ASHLEY: Wait, but I was actually kidding. TALIESIN: I’m not. LAURA: You’ll be great, Yasha. SAM: Just ask them about what happened the other night and the Crick that they killed. TALIESIN: Remember how we talked about getting you out in the world more, and then you said you didn’t want to, but then we said you’re going to have to do it anyway? ASHLEY: I know, but– TALIESIN: This is those times. ASHLEY: (sighs) Okay. MARISHA: Come on, let’s go make asses out of ourselves! TALIESIN: She’ll take care of you. LAURA: Ask about the Xhorhasian that they fought and then ask them how they do so much cool magic. Then ask them– SAM: Who they work for? We know who they work for. What do we need from them? MARISHA: Names. Information. TRAVIS: What are they worried about? MARISHA: Where are they going to fight? Are they going to roll out people? LAURA: Ask them how they fly. SAM: Oh! Why don’t you just act like you know more than you do? Like, (gruff voice) Whoa, I hear war’s coming tomorrow. What about that? TRAVIS: If we’re going to help the city, the more we know, the better. TALIESIN: Let’s not even start making vague promises. Just be yourself and you’ll be fine. Just be anybody but yourself and you’ll be fine. It’s going to be great. MARISHA: What was that about making promises? TRAVIS: As they start walking over, I’m going to wide flank to the left– MATT: Wait, so who’s going where? MARISHA: Me and Yasha are going to go talk to the wizards. MATT: Beau and Yasha are going there? LAURA: You’re not going to go too? TRAVIS: No, these two. LAURA: Oh jeez. I’m going to constantly stay within a few feet of the Starosta, but not in like a weird way. I just want to like overhear his conversations and see if he’s talking about war and stuff. TRAVIS: I’d like to flank to the left and keep an eye on the crowd to see if anybody pays attention to two strangers approaching. MATT: Okay. It seems that the cluster of merchants that he had originally mentioned are keeping pretty close to the Starosta. They’re probably in the business of discussing future transactions and business. You gather probably more on the Starosta making connections in preparation for what’s about to transpire. LIAM: Is it really crowded in here? Are there a lot of people? MATT: There’s about 20 or so people in the chamber. The chamber’s maybe about 40 feet by 40 feet. It’s fairly packed. LIAM: I am going to send Frumpkin dancing around people’s feet to follow Yasha and Beau, and take a seat in a chair on the side of the room as close to the door as possible. MATT: You find a chair, everyone seems to be standing and conversing. MARISHA: It’s okay. Fjord’s been teaching me how to talk to people. ASHLEY: Do you want to take the lead? MARISHA: Sure. I walk up to Orenid Hass. Oremid. MATT: They’re both faced away and they’re looking out. There’s a window that’s open that leads out into the main Victory Pit and then there’s the sky, which is mostly clouds, occasionally you see a break with some stars. They’re in the middle of a conversation, but it’s hushed. MARISHA: I grab Yasha behind on the small of her back. I walk her up to the window, and I’m like: Yeah, and there’s actually a really great view– MATT: They both immediately stop and turn over to look at you. ASHLEY: I can’t even imagine the beauty. MARISHA: Right? It’s such a great view. Over there is the Cobalt Soul. MATT: “Pardon me, can we help you?” You glance over, and you can see Oremid Hass, at first glance: squat, maybe five-foot-three, but a wide body, like Wolverine proportions. Very dark, ruddy brown skin with eyes that are black like obsidian that sparkle when you look at them. The hair is very short and curled, and there’s this very strongly inset dimple wrinkle when he smiles with teeth that are dull gray in color. There’s something not quite human about him, but also very welcoming. As he turns towards you, there’s a bit of dust that is loosened from the edges of his ears, and it (air puffing). It’s a strange phenomenon. With long reddish-gold robes, his arms are folded in the sleeves where you can’t see them. He says, “I apologize, we’ve taken time away "from the window.” The other gentleman turns towards you, and you can see now, very close, an older gentleman, probably 70s or so, skin slightly jaundiced or yellowed in color versus the usual pigmentation here. Bald on top, but longer gray-white hair that goes past the shoulders, the same white and gold robes. He smiles, but he looks like he’s not enjoying the pleasantries of the space, but then puts on a face as soon as he notices your arrival and gives a nod. “I recognize "both of you. You were part of this fight ordeal, The Mighty Nein, correct?” MARISHA: We were. I recognize you, too. I feel like we’ve met before. Maybe at a gala previously? MATT: “It’s possible. I do not recall, but if so, it is good to see you again. I’m sorry.” MARISHA: Beau. MATT: “Beau, I am Oremid Hass. I am the Headmaster of the Halls of Erudition. This is my compatriot, "Master Trent Ikithon.” MARISHA: Trent Ikithon. MATT: He turns and goes, “It is a pleasure to meet you. I saw what you did today as well. It was a "very majestic display of skills, quite.” ASHLEY: Thank you very much. MARISHA: Majestic is my middle name. We saw, the other day, you guys fighting off those invaders, that was very impressive. Thank you so much for your service to the city. MATT: Oremid goes to raise his hand and Trent goes, “Oh, so you were present during the attack "outside of the Zauber Spire, ja?” MARISHA: Well, I mean, it was pretty public. Towers are tall. MATT: “Well, it was an unfortunate incident that, thankfully, we were present, both of us, to take "care of it before it grew too dangerous.” ASHLEY: What were you fighting? MATT: “That seemed to be assassins sent by the Kryn dynasty, terrible Cricks that had attempted to "steal something that should not fall into their hands.” ASHLEY: The Kryn dynasty, they are from northern Xhorhas? MATT: “That is correct.” He gives you a look over, like he’s inspecting you with a very rapid and very detailed intake of your features, and he goes, “Where are you from, if I might ask?” SAM: Abort, abort, abort. ASHLEY: I am… from… MATT: “Where did you grow up?” ASHLEY: Xhorhas. MATT: “How long have you lived here in the Empire?” ASHLEY: Not very long. About, let’s see, maybe eight months or something? MARISHA: That doesn’t look good. No. MATT: “Fascinating.” MARISHA: She travels and has helped– MATT: Trent isn’t even looking at you. He’s completely focused on Yasha. ASHLEY: I travel. I left. (stammers) I chose not to live there anymore. MATT: “Why did you leave?” ASHLEY: I just, you know, it’s not a great place to live. It’s awful. It’s marsh and it’s not a comfortable place to live. MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw for me real fast. ALL: Ooh. LAURA: Wisdom saving throw? He just did Zone of Truth on you! TALIESIN: Wow, that was cocked. LAURA: Super cocked. SAM: Super cock! ASHLEY: Seven. Because I have a negative. MATT: As you’re talking, it’s weird. He’s staring at you, but for a moment you feel like there’s an illusion over his mouth and his fingers. They’re still not moving, but it’s almost like your eyes catch something shifting unseen beneath them. It’s almost like you’ve layered two images over each other for a brief second. Then they’re gone, and he goes, “Huh. Well, very happy to have you "fighting on our side.” ASHLEY: Yes, I most definitely am. I can assure you I don’t stand for anything bad from the Xhorhas and I am here to help. MATT: “Wonderful. Maintain that, please.” ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: “You and your friends seem to be very helpful, and a lot of help may be needed. Should "you ever stray from that path… It has been a pleasure, Yasha.” ASHLEY: Yes, that’s me. MATT: He reaches out and shakes your hand once more. “I would like very much to talk to you some "time in the future. You’re intriguing.” MARISHA: Well, you see, you have to go through me, because I’m her booker. That’s actually a conversation that me and you and the rest of The Mighty Nein can have. MATT: “You’re Cobalt Soul, aren’t you?” Oremid goes, “Please, stop this interrogation. I "apologize. My friend is very studious.” MARISHA: No, I am Cobalt Soul. Yeah. Super proud of the work we’re doing over there. MATT: “You have done much great work and have aided us on many occasions.” MARISHA: Everyone at the Cobalt Soul feels the same about you all at the Halls of Erudition. MATT: Oremid Hass actually laughs and he goes, (laughs) “Look. I know that there have been "tensions in the past, but, complete honesty, I really appreciate what you do over there.” MARISHA: Thank you. MATT: “Anyway, we must be off. The evening has grown late. Isn’t that correct?” Trent goes, “Yes, "that is correct. It’s been a pleasure. I look forward to our paths crossing again.” ASHLEY: Great. Same here, because this was great conversation. MARISHA: One last question, Oremid. The Cobalt Soul’s been talking about moving to the front line. Do you have any idea if we’re going to get the same support from the Hall of Erudition? Because I know you’re a fan of our work and we’re such a mutual fan of yours. MATT: “To the front line of what?” ASHLEY: Ah, you know. MATT: “We train a good number of war mages, yes. Some of our finest will be present at Bladegarden "and beyond. Should things escalate any further, I’m sure a number of our circle will also join "where it’s necessary.” MARISHA: Beautiful. MATT: “You have my word and the word of the Assembly.” MARISHA: Cobalt Soul’s got your back too. ASHLEY: But to be clear, do you know what you’re fighting? MATT: They both have a knowing look at each other and look back to you. Trent casts forward and says, “We have been studying for quite some time as is the nature of protecting our people here, "yes, but there are still many mysteries beyond the boundaries. Why? Is there something you know that "we don’t?” ASHLEY: Just if you’re fighting– I just wanted to know if you were fighting the Kryn. MATT: “Very much so. They have killed many of our people. The skies to the east darken, and we want "to keep that darkness from spreading. We wish the sun to continue to rise on this empire, and "currently it does not over the Ashkeeper Peaks.” ASHLEY: I wish you the best of luck. MATT: “Thank you. If you’re ever near Rexxentrum, find me. I would like to continue this "conversation.” ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Oremid Hass speaks up and goes, “All right. Well, anyway, a wonderful night to you all. Rest "well. Congratulations and well fought.” TRAVIS: DM, can I ask, is his name Trick-a-tick-a-ting-tong? What was his name? MATT: Trent Ikithon. I-K-I-T-H-O-N. LAURA: Oh, I spelled it right! MATT: You’re welcome. SAM: I ran a half-ikithon once. TRAVIS: Boo! ASHLEY: Where did he say we could meet up? TRAVIS: Rexxentrum. ASHLEY: Rexxentrum? MATT: Rexxentrum, yeah. TRAVIS: Which is where the Soltryce is. MARISHA: Rexxentrum. Soltryce Academy. MATT: They exit, and you watch as Oremid, halfway through the room, as he has his arms folded, goes, “Oh my goodness. Look at you!” and gets down and starts going towards Frumpkin and is like, “Well, "how did you get in here?” MARISHA: Oh my god, he’s got a weakness. MATT: He begins reaching for– LIAM: Hass or Ikithon? MATT: No. Oremid Hass immediately goes down and goes from this completely well-established presentary persona to this child-like wonder of this cat. He’s like, “Come here. "Please. I would like to touch on you.” LIAM: I’m taking all this in first person. MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Let’s remember this for later. TRAVIS: My whiskers! LIAM: That’s all I can take. I get out of it. MATT: Okay. You pull out of it, and you watch as Oremid actually picks up Frumpkin and holds him in his hand and starts petting him like (coos). They both continue to walk towards the exit. LIAM: I lean forward and look at the ground. MATT: Okay. As they exit the chamber, Oremid, outside, goes ahead and sets Frumpkin down and pets his head for a moment. “Go on. Don’t get stuck inside.” They both leave and exit into the night. TALIESIN: That looked like it went well. How bad was it? SAM: What information did you glean? MARISHA: Man, Yasha’s super honest. SAM: Why? What happened? MARISHA: Super forthcoming. ASHLEY: I figured it’s like one of those things, that if you’re going to get caught, you might as well tell the truth because it’s easier to remember. I don’t know. I panicked. TRAVIS: Well, did you say anything you didn’t want to? ASHLEY: I don’t think so. Did I say anything that was bad? MARISHA: I don’t think so. LIAM: Maybe where you are from and how short a time you have been here. ASHLEY: Oh, I said both of those things. TALIESIN: You said both of those things? LIAM: Yes, you did. MARISHA: You definitely made it seem like she could be a Xhorhasian spy definitely there to potentially kill them. In fact, I think that’s exactly what they thought might have been happening. LIAM: Yeah, but you also dropped a horse apple in front of them as well. MARISHA: Yeah, it was kind of great. TRAVIS: What’d she do? LIAM: She mentioned a little insight on the pending war when no one knows about the pending war. MARISHA: I think they’re going to look at you as a good resource. I think that’s what you revealed yourself as. ASHLEY: Either that, or they think that I’m a Xhorhasian assassin, and I am not. MARISHA: What the fuck is the Kryn though? SAM: The Kryn is the kingdom over there. TRAVIS: Kryn. ASHLEY: It’s the Kryn dynasty. MARISHA: Oh, the Kryn. LAURA: Kryn is the empress of the drow, you guys. TRAVIS: The green is something else. LAURA: I’m not here. I’m next to Starosta. TALIESIN: It didn’t devolve into a punching fest. That’s pretty good. LAURA: Is the Starosta still here? MATT: The Starosta is still here, yes. LAURA: Okay, I’m still there. MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: I was envisioning a big, evil monster. LAURA: 20. MATT: Okay. You overhear the gist of most of the conversation, best you can without catching too much attention to yourself. Over the next 20 minutes or so, you catch what amounts to them discussing possible future difficulty in crossing border boundaries between the empire, the Menagerie Coast, and imports. The necessity of them, but having to make sure they go through very stringent processes in doing so, with the promise of coming conflict. He doesn’t outright say that they’re at war yet, but the Starosta is essentially laying the groundwork for maintaining trade lines through the Wuyun Gorge, across the Cyrios Mountains. Wanting to make sure that the port towns of the Menagerie Coast still have access to get the necessary goods to the empire, not only to maintain their people, but to get them as quickly as possible to the front to the east. TRAVIS: Right, allies. MATT: Yeah, they’re trying to basically establish– what initially seemed like it may have been a pleasantry based arrival on their part, they have been pulled into this conversation with the Starosta out of necessity from his standpoint. You can sense there’s a bit of desperation in his voice. He’s generally trying to do the best job he can and feels overwhelmed in the moment and is trying as best he can to cover it. SAM: Yasha. Just so we know and can– I trust you. But if there’s anything that we need to know, now would be a good time to tell us so that we’re not in danger. Are you a Xhorhasian spy come here to do bad things to the empire? ASHLEY: No. TALIESIN: Oh my god, you’ve discovered why she’s been with my circus all this time, working as a bouncer. SAM: Well, why are you here then? Why did you flee? ASHLEY: Well, I don’t know if that is any of your business at this time. SAM: Well, I want to know in case they’re going to come try to kill you and kill me by accident. TALIESIN: If they try and kill you to get answers, then, this way, you don’t know anything. Then you’re really not worth anything. TRAVIS: Plausible deniability. SAM: Plausi-mon-a-mon-a-minity? TRAVIS: There was an M in there that wasn’t supposed to be. Plausible demi-ability. LIAM and TALIESIN: Sea anemone. Sea anemone. SAM: I just want to know if you’re on their side or the Xhorhasian side so that when this war comes, that we’re not caught in the crossfire. That’s all. TALIESIN: What side are you on? SAM: I’m on my side. TALIESIN: Exactly. ASHLEY: I’m not on any side, but I do think what we are fighting is something very terrible. SAM: You mean what they’re fighting? ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: In Xhorhas? ASHLEY: Yeah. SAM: The Kryn? ASHLEY: Yeah. I mean, we heard about them in the north and they’re mostly dark elves that settled in a massive ruin that was completely forbidden for us to travel to. SAM: Did they do bad things to your people? ASHLEY: Yeah. The ones that went there. They do keep their skies dark. It’s some kind of dark magic that we don’t know of that keeps the sun away. They’ve enslaved men and beasts and demons under their banner. SAM: That sucks. MARISHA: Have you seen the dark skies? ASHLEY: I’ve never been there because it’s hard to get there and it’s not someplace I would want to go alone. SAM: Did you know anyone who went? ASHLEY: I’ve heard stories, but never anybody personally. TRAVIS: Are you interested in going there? ASHLEY: I’ve always been curious. Just to see with my own eyes, but they’ve done so many bad things that I would want to fight them. MARISHA: I think Molly’s right. I think Molly and Nott are right. I think they’re going to try and start enlisting soldiers here. Are they doing the same where you’re from? ASHLEY: I don’t know. LIAM: During this whole talking, I look in and see where my cat is. MATT: Frumpkin is maybe 20 feet outside the door and is waiting for you guys to exit. LIAM: Okay. I tell him to wait there for me. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: If we’re really going to be pulling out of this city that fast, haha. Maybe we should take advantage of these new badges we have and hit up the Tri-Spires. TALIESIN: Finish the evening off right. I’ll honestly say I’d like to get out of here as soon as possible so they don’t think we’re running from the news. We get out of here before the news hits. TRAVIS: Fair enough. All at once? MARISHA: Where do we go? TALIESIN: I don’t care. I’m just happier moving than staying still. LIAM: How quickly are you thinking? TALIESIN: If it were just the two of us, I’d say leave tonight, but– LIAM: How about 24 hours from now? TALIESIN: See if we can make it faster, but 24 hours is not terrifying. TRAVIS: Dusk tomorrow. TALIESIN: No later than dusk. I would like to get out before news starts to spread. Before they decide to start locking down the holes. LIAM: Yeah. One more day. Just to get supplies and get ready for the road again. TALIESIN: That’s a fair point. SAM: Should we divide up the money? MARISHA: Yes! TRAVIS: I believe that’s 228 gold each. SAM: Great! MATT: As you guys are in the process of finishing this up and people are starting to leave from the lounge area and they’re starting to close down, Darrow comes up with his troupe– they’re a ways into their cups– and he’s like, “Friends, before we shove off and probably never meet again, I just "wanted to say it’s been an absolute pleasure to get to meet you, to watch you fight, for you to "watch us fight. All the luck in your future endeavors.” TRAVIS: Same to you. It was very impressive. Where does fate take you after this night? MATT: “Well, as far as I know, we’re probably heading back up to Nogvurot and continuing with "our contract of sitting around and being paid for nothing.” TRAVIS: Is that– remind me again– north of here? Northwest? MATT: “Northeast-ish. East of Rexxentrum. That’s where we’ve been stationed for the past six or "seven months or so. Done a few jobs here and there.” TRAVIS: Is this a contract that keeps on going or is there any set end date for you guys? MATT: “No, not until they cancel it.” TRAVIS: Man, that is rough. We’ve been hearing little murmurs of action– what direction is it? SAM: East. TRAVIS: East of here. MATT: “Like over on the border with Xhorhas?” TRAVIS: Indeed. Trouble stirring up. You hear anything about that? MATT: “Other than the fact that there have been incursions and kidnappings and stuff, it’s all "been small and localized within the borders, but Bladegarden’s there for a reason, and "Talonstadt.” TRAVIS: Since you’re familiar with that trip back and forth, anything you would recommend us checking out? Just in case we decided to wander for a bit? MATT: “(laughter) What are you looking for?” TRAVIS: I don’t know, a good time, a bit of adventure. Maybe a bit of both. MATT: “Hm, a good time. To be perfectly honest, if you’re looking for wining, dining, and various "nightly pleasures, my faith does not allow for that so I’m a very bad source, but,” and he turns around– LIAM: I think what my friend is talking about is can you recommend any good ways to get into trouble? MATT: “Oh. Legal trouble, or illegal trouble?” LIAM: What you will. MATT: “If you’re going to go illegal, you can actually go just beyond the boundaries of the "Empire to Shadycreek Run. Entire haven for murderers, thieves, and all sorts of strange "people.” TRAVIS: Maybe if it’s not so gnarly? MATT: “There is Deastok to the west, as well as Kamordah. There’s quite good drink in Kamordah. "There’s Pride’s Call if you like the jovial dwarvenfolk there. Much less dark and intense as "Grimgolir, because they’re right on the boundary and most of them are fighting for the war as well. "Personally, Rexxentrum’s got it all.” TRAVIS: We hear that. Soltryce Academy is located there as well. MATT: “Yeah, that it is.” TRAVIS: Do you know anybody that’s graduated from that academy? MATT: “Not privately, no. Like I said, I’ve only been here for about a little over a half a year. "To me, it’s not been too bad.” TRAVIS: Fair enough. Well, I wish you the best. MATT: “You as well, my friends. Drink deep. Play hard.” TRAVIS: Indeed. Same to you. LAURA: I’d like to stop the Starosta before he leaves the room. MATT: Okay. You do notice, as Darrow leaves, he does have a medallion around his neck that, previously, was hidden under his armor. It is the symbol of the Dawnfather. LAURA: It’s the legal thing, after– oh no, it’s not! MATT: The Dawnfather’s legal here. LAURA: The Dawnfather is legal here. MATT: As the rest of the folk are exiting out, you guys have basically waited to close down the party. Most of the servants are cleaning up and finishing up the space. The Starosta begins to leave and make his way out there with his companions and they’re chatting. MARISHA: I drink all the leftover drinks that people left behind. MATT: Classiest. Classy. SAM: I have limitless alcohol. LAURA: May I have a moment of your time before you leave? MATT: “Oh yeah, of course! Jester– ” No, you told him it was Fancypants. LAURA: Fancypants, yes. TRAVIS: McGee. MATT: “Fancypants McGee.” LAURA: Yes. MATT: “Right, right. Yes– ” LAURA: My friends call me Jester. MATT: “Fair enough. What can I do for you?” LAURA: Well, I couldn’t help but notice your body posture, for this whole party, has been rather tense. I don’t know if you noticed, but I am a bit of a healer, and I’m from the Menagerie Coast, where I did a lot of mental healing, as well as body healing. If there’s anything you need to relieve your stress, I’m very good at this. This is why I came here. MATT: He gives a look and goes, “Uh,” and looks back and forth between his companions. He goes, “What are you insinuating?” LAURA: I’m talking about somebody to talk to. MATT: “Right! Right.” LAURA: To relieve your mind of your stress! MATT: “Right. I really appreciate that offer. Genuinely, Jester Fancypants McGee. However, such "is my life– ” LAURA: I know you have people that work for you– MATT: “Maybe in a week. Give me some time. A lot of stuff percolating right now, but Leaky Tap, right?” LAURA: Or the Pillow Trove. MATT: “Or the Pillow Trove. All right, well I may have use of your services soon. Not at the moment, "but soon.” LAURA: Okay. I can help your mind! You just relieve that stress! It’s somebody to talk to, it’s very helpful. MATT: “I appreciate that. Soon.” He is trying desperately to not make the wrong impression to his friends. He darts off with them into the night. TALIESIN: Are you drinking every random cup or are you pouring them all into one cup? TRAVIS: Suicide or one at a time? MARISHA: No, I’m just finishing the ones that are left behind! It is an atrocity to leave alcohol on a table. MATT: Make a constitution saving throw, Beau. TRAVIS: Yeah! One of those was full of dip spit. LIAM: Fjord’s work. MARISHA: 17. MATT: Iron stomach Beauregard over here. LAURA: You’re going to have the shits later. MARISHA: Probably. TALIESIN: You’re a trash person. I walk over and I take your last drink and drink it and salute. MARISHA: You’re a– You– TALIESIN: I know! LAURA: Oh man, you guys, I was really trying to get the Starosta to talk to me. SAM: Well, you offered him your services. I would’ve said yes if a strange psychoanalyst walked up to me and– LAURA: I am a healer! I’m a really good healer. TRAVIS: Did you tell him that he has to give you a dollar to engage your services? LAURA: No, I told him– I didn’t give him a price, actually. MARISHA: See, that’s even shiftier. LAURA: That means I’m really good, is what that means. ASHLEY: You charge for these services? LAURA: Not for friends. ASHLEY: Oh. LAURA: (whispering) I’m actually really shit at giving advice, but don’t tell anyone, okay? ASHLEY: I don’t agree. I feel like you would be very good at it. LAURA: Well, any time you have any problems, Yasha, you just come to me, okay? ASHLEY: Okay. I’m maybe showing a little bit of pink on my cheeks. LIAM: Are we talking about rolling at the Pillow Trove this evening? Is that what I am picking up on? LAURA: I need to go by there anyway. How long has it been since we’ve been in town? MATT: Since you’ve been in town? It’s probably been a week and a half to two weeks. LAURA: By this point, my mom has probably got the package here. TRAVIS: Well, by all means, let’s stop by there and then let’s see if there’s a fancy place for us to– MARISHA: We have fucking money to burn! SAM: We need some healing potions and things. LAURA: Yes. I bet there’s places in– TRAVIS: We’ll go by Pumat’s later. It’ll be fine. LAURA: We could go to the Silken Terrace! SAM: What is the Silken Terrace? MATT: At this point now– LIAM: Seven, eight, nine? MATT: Oh, no, now it’s probably about 10:30, 11 o'clock. TRAVIS: Plus, there’s always one of those Pumats around. SAM: Okay. What’s the mission for tonight, though? TRAVIS: Tri-Spire. Pillow Trove. Get Jester’s package. Get turnt up. Get some healing potions. LIAM: Wait, we’re getting turnt up before we go to Pumat’s? LAURA: Why not? TRAVIS: Yeah! LIAM: Do you think Pumat is going to be open at two in the morning? TRAVIS: At Ren Faire, the more you drink, the more you spend. LAURA: Why do we need to go now? LIAM: We don’t. LAURA: It’s late. LIAM: Yes. TALIESIN and LAURA: We did a lot today. MARISHA: Oh my god, I’m so tired! LAURA: That’s probably because you just drank 15 drinks. TRAVIS: Lead the way, Jester! TALIESIN: Up early in the morning? LAURA: Up early in the m– Are we staying at the Pillow Trove? MARISHA: Pillow Trove! TALIESIN: Yes! LAURA: Did you guys divide the money up? TALIESIN and SAM: Yes. LAURA: What did I get? TALIESIN and SAM: 228. SAM: And five silver. MATT: All right. You exit from the forum, the Victory Pit, out into the night. The event is still going on though most of the people have filtered out. Everyone who remains is either pretty tossed or is in the process of closing down their various carts and established places of sale. The Pentamarket is closing. The festival pushed it a little for some establishments. You make your way, walking towards the Tri-Spires, and that’s we’re going to take our break. MARISHA: We’re at a break! MATT: Yeah, we’re taking a break because it’s 8:50. SAM: It’s still your birthday! (cheering) MATT: We’ll be right back. However, we do have our Wyrmwood giveaway. Tonight, we have the quilted maple dice tray. With our leather interior. LAURA: Yeah, that’s really cool! MATT: You may touch it. Not only do you win it, but you win it touched by Laura Bailey. The price just went up by 20%. The quilted maple one will go to one of you lucky winners in the US or Canada, excluding Quebec. Come into the Twitch chat. Tonight’s term is “Victory.” Put in the word “Victory” in the chat to be entered, only once. More than once and you’ll be disqualified. We’ll come back at the end of the break to announce the winner. See you guys there in a little bit. [break] MATT: And welcome back, everybody. Before we jump back into the game, we have our winner of our fantastic dice box from Wyrmwood: it is DeadLikeCarrion. DeadLikeCarrion, congratulations. Danoba will get your information, we will get that sent out to you A.S.A.P., but well done. MARISHA: And thank you, Paul, for getting us all ice cream! MATT: Yes! We had break ice cream. Nobody tell my trainer. LAURA: I had the fro-yo, because it’s healthier. MATT: You guys are leaving the Pentamarket in the late hours of the evening, making your way towards the Tri-Spires. As you approach the outskirts of the outer wall, the gates open, the guards there posted, there are three there waiting. They begin to approach as your troupe begins to arrive. One of them steps up, goes, “Halt please, we’ve– Oh, right, please, you may continue.” TRAVIS: Yeah, we’re them. LIAM: Very obviously holding and petting my cat and looking at all three of them as we walk by. MATT: One of them is the guy that kicked him originally. He’s not the one that interfaced with you, but he’s standing by the side there, just waiting. He watches you approach as you walk by, and he goes– LIAM: Guten abend. MATT: He swallows and doesn’t respond. Just looks off in the distance. ASHLEY: Caleb, what did you say? Guten– LIAM: Abend. LAURA: Good night? Hello? LIAM: Yeah, that’s– TALIESIN: Gluten almonds. LAURA: Have a pleasant evening. MARISHA and ASHLEY: Gluten almonds. TRAVIS: Where are we going? SAM: I mean, we’re going to the Pillow Trove. I support you, Jester, but I mean– LAURA: I support you too in all of your endeavors, Nott. SAM: Okay, then let’s go there. MATT: As you guys make your way through the streets of the Tri-Spire– LIAM: Excuse me, apologies. I pull Beau backward by the arm. And– no. Long enough until we fall back a bit, and wait to see that the group is not paying attention. MATT: Okay. LIAM: Can you get me into that library tomorrow? MARISHA: Yeah. I told you a fucking secret though. I also kind of told Yasha the secret. You and Yasha know the secret. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: It’s not really that much of a secret. LIAM: Okay, but the library is a thing that we can do before we leave this city? MARISHA: Yeah. As long as nothing crazy happens, I’m assuming. LIAM: I am just hoping to look at books. Is that all right? MARISHA: I know. I know exactly what you want to do. Yeah, should be all right. LIAM: Good. Great. MARISHA: What are you looking for, just more spells? Or anything else in particular? LIAM: No, I mean, spells you can find, you know, digging in 1000 year old laboratories. I want to learn. I want what is not readily available to all. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: I don’t know if that is something that I would be allowed to look at. What kind of clearance do you have? MARISHA: They’re not going to let you see the super secretive weird shit in the back. LIAM: History? MARISHA: Yeah, there’s tons of history, man. They forced history down my throat. LIAM: Okay, this is good. MARISHA: Hey, wait though. LIAM: Oh, that’s two times I’ve tried to bail out of this conversation. MARISHA: I know. Real good at it. Why are you afraid of fire? TRAVIS: Great segue. LIAM: Uh. Well. MARISHA: I’m just saying, I just want to know because I’m going to be taking you around books, and your relationship with fire is, you know. LIAM: Are you going to set the books on fire? MARISHA: No, are you going to set the books on fire? LIAM: I’m going to read them. MARISHA: I’ll take you in the library if you tell me why you’re afraid of fire. SAM: (whispering) Oh, manipulation! MARISHA: One secret traded for another. It’s a fair price, I think. LIAM: Is there anyone around? MATT: There’s the group ahead of you, maybe 15 feet, and you’re approaching the exterior of the Pillow Trove. LAURA: I’m giving Yasha a piggy-back ride. MARISHA: Do you know where to find me when you’re ready? MATT: Do you consent to this piggy-back ride? ASHLEY: Yeah, I have my feet linked so I can monkey piggy-back ride. MATT: That’s amazing. There’s the Zauber Spire, glistening and lit from beneath. Assembled, and no longer akimbo. You guys approach the exterior of the Pillow Trove. There’s these steps that ascend to the entryway, the arched door frame, and you enter the beautiful– MARISHA: I’ll take you to the library as soon as I get my payment. Drinks? SAM: We’re out in public, and we’re in front of a hotel. MARISHA: Inside the hotel has drinks. LAURA: I like that you have a handle on your mug, but you don’t use the handle. MARISHA: Well, it’s a little unbalanced. I have to choose if I’m going to commit to the handle, or if I’m going to commit to the cup. LAURA: Maybe do the thing you just did. MARISHA: This is not bad. LIAM: But the handle gets– I do the same thing with this cup. I grab it by this the whole time. MATT: As you make your way into the– LIAM: How do you do it, Sam? MATT: The Pillow Trove, in its beautiful marvel presentation there awaits you as you come into the well-lit interior. There’s a number of candles that are hanging on small hooks in the walls, and dangle there, and the flames flicker to light the archway, and the inside. There you see, sitting at the table, going through a stack of parchment, is Madam Luenna, who you had briefly seen before in this beautiful red dress. LAURA: She’s gorgeous. Hey, that lady, that’s who I was trying to look like that night, you remember, when we were at the– yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Well kept, almost bouncy brunette hair, and golden eyes, and she smiles as you enter. “Hello, "how might I help you this evening?” LAURA: Hi, do you remember me? I was here before. MATT: “I do remember, yes. Good to see you.” LAURA: You too. Did you know we just won in the Victory Pit? MATT: “I did not. I did not attend that portion of the festival, but congratulations!” LAURA: Thank you, we’re kind of famous now. MATT: “That’s wonderful.” LAURA: We think we might stay here tonight, too, because we thought it would be nice for The Pillow Trove to have famous people staying here for you. MATT: “But of course. Is that a room for each of you?” MARISHA: She’s an Instagram model! LAURA: It depends on what you want to offer us as the Victories of the Victory Pit. MATT: “Well, I’m happy to offer you rooms at the discounted rate of the charging price we give to "it. It’s still an establishment.” LAURA: Oh, yes, but we would tell everybody we stayed here all the time. MATT: “Well, it doesn’t work that way, my dear.” LAURA: I’m really bad at persuading people today, apparently. SAM: Do you want me to try? LAURA: I’m doing a really bad job. I have a package probably here anyway, so I’m going to check on that. I’ll let everybody else talk to you about how famous we are now. MATT: “All right. How many rooms would you like?” TRAVIS: I think two will do just fine. MATT: “Two rooms. All right.” MARISHA: However many can bunk together, I guess. MATT: Okay. Two rooms, purchased for the night. If I recall correctly, that would put you around four gold. LAURA: That’s it?! Four gold! Do you know how much she wanted to charge me before? I’m going to leave it though, because I am walking away. I’m at the front desk. ASHLEY: Four gold for two rooms? MATT: For each room. TRAVIS: I’ll cover the fellas’ room. Here’s four gold. MARISHA: Yeah. Here’s four more for me. MATT: This was her ceding to the Victory Pit victory and return customer price. Jester, what are you doing? LAURA: I’m going to see if my package is here from my mom. MATT: Okay, so you head to where you went previously, which is a little side chamber. There’s a young woman there waiting, who is falling asleep at the desk. “Oh, I’m sorry! I "didn’t see you there. Can I help you?” LAURA: I blend in with my environment very often. It’s common. MATT: “Oh. Well, very well done.” LAURA: I have a package here, probably. MATT: “Name?” LAURA: Jester. MATT: “Jester. Hold on just a second.” She gets up and walks out of the room. A minute passes. Two minutes pass. TRAVIS: Anything on the desk of value? MATT: On the desk of this woman who has left? There looks to be a small oil lantern set there that’s flickering. It’s well-made. TRAVIS: Nice pen or anything? MATT: No, it looks like she took it with her. TRAVIS: I keep waiting. MATT: About five minutes pass before she enters with a small parcel under her arm, and goes, “I "believe this is to you, Jester, correct?” It’s a small box about that big, it says “Jester” written in nice handwriting on it. LAURA: Oh yes, that would be the one I’m expecting. Thank you so much! SAM: It came? LAURA: It came, I guess! See, I told you my mom is really cool, you guys! SAM: I’m sorry I doubted you! LAURA: Oh my gosh! TALIESIN: We’re all going to be here to see this open, right? LAURA: (whispers) It’s probably a lot of money, so we should open it up in the rooms. TALIESIN: Very fair. TRAVIS: Thank you for your help. We’ll retire for the evening. SAM: Do we typically tip when someone– MATT: She does have her hand open. LAURA: Oh, here. Of course, of course! Here’s two gold for you. SAM: Two gold? Jesus! LAURA: I’m very wealthy now! MATT: Thank you very much, madam. Have a wonderful night and stay here at The Pillow Trove. LAURA: Now we don’t have to worry about things anymore, you guys! MATT: As you guys head back, the keys are given out to both of you. The madam leads you up to your chambers. On your way up, she goes, “Are there any other services that you will require while you’re "staying here this evening to celebrate?” SAM: What services are available? MATT: “All kinds of services.” MARISHA: Bottle service? MATT: “Wine can be delivered. Companionship can be provided.” TRAVIS: Oh shit! TALIESIN: Massage? ASHLEY: What kind of companionship do you have here available? MATT: “Ah, well–” You see her trying to find the words for it. She goes, “Likely the best kind of "companionship you can find.” LAURA: Not the best kind. SAM: The best available. TRAVIS: You don’t happen to work with the Ruby of the Sea, do you? MATT: “No, I know of her. She has a reputation. But we have fine companions here as well, to–” LAURA: She has the best reputation, you know. MATT: “She has a great reputation, yes. But she works outside of the Empire. Should you be "interested, we have a number of individuals across the spectrum who would be happy to lend you an "ear, and help ease your mind.” MARISHA: Jester does that too. LAURA: Hmm? Who does that? MARISHA: Lend an ear. Give advice. Ease your mind. LAURA: Oh, I do ease people’s minds. MARISHA: Just saying that’s how it sounded before, too. SAM: Yasha, if you were to partake of a companion, what kind of companion are you interested in? Is it like a beast type of a thing, or– LAURA: Like a tall one or a short one? ASHLEY: I don’t know, just one that I– maybe lots? TRAVIS: Maybe lots? LAURA: What color eyes do you like the most? Do you want people with one color eye and the other color eye, like you– MATT: “How about you come and find me when you’ve decided whether or not?” MARISHA: Is there like a– never mind. TRAVIS: Jester, shall we? LAURA: Yes, yes. MATT: The madam leaves. LIAM: Can I ask an out-of-character question? As a citizen of the Empire, how much does Caleb already know about the Cobalt folk? MATT: The Cobalt Soul? You know of them, in the way that you know of the people at City Hall that keep all the records of buildings and such. You know it exists, everyone knows it’s part of the structure, but nobody really pays much attention because it’s a place of learning beyond what the usual learning process is. Certain people would. MARISHA: Like the public libraries of today. LIAM: Right, you’re a librarian. MATT: Kind of, yeah. People know it exists, but the few people that really take an interest in it either end up pursuing it, or adjacently to it. Those people end up acquiring more knowledge and end up becoming more prominent in the society. It’s almost an unused resource, unfortunately. LIAM: Their political affiliation? MATT: Within the Empire? They’re one of the many sanctioned places of worship for the Knowing Mistress. But they’re with the Empire, they function within the Empire, and the individuals that run each Archive are appointed by the Crown. As with all places of worship in the kingdom, whoever helms those locations– the High Priest, the High Archivist, whoever they are– they are appointed by the Crown and work directly for the Empire. All religion here is employed by the Empire at the highest point. TALIESIN: So long as there’s a Cobalt Soul Scholastic Fair, really. LAURA: (gasps) Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark? MARISHA: Yes! I want my pencil set! MATT: That’s after winter, unfortunately. You have to wait until spring for those to come around again. God, I miss those. TRAVIS: Shit. Everybody got those gifts brought to the room. MARISHA: It felt like a festival inside your school. MATT: Yeah, it was amazing. LAURA: Do they still have those? ASHLEY: Let’s make one for adults! MATT: Guys! Reading’s cool! No, legitimately, it is. MARISHA: Support 826LA! Thank you to those who did. MATT: You head to your rooms at the Pillow Trove. LAURA: Okay, when we get the money, we should all go out and buy new outfits, and we should go have a feast, and maybe we can buy new clothes for the horses too, because I bet they would really like that. ASHLEY: But you don’t need to give us money. LAURA: It’s for everyone! I open up the box that says my name right on it. It says it right here, my name. MATT: First off, the package, as you shake it a bit, it has various objects inside of it. It rattles a bit. LAURA: It’s not as heavy as I expected it to be. MATT: No. SAM: Maybe it’s a check. LAURA: That’s probably what it is. I have no idea what that is. MATT: It’s about eight to ten pounds. As you open the package and unwrap it, it’s pretty well wrapped, you open the parcel and on the inside there is a bag of coin about that big there. LAURA: It’s probably platinum, because it’s lighter. MATT: There is a small bundle that’s wrapped with twine, and there’s a letter. LAURA: Ooh! (singing) SAM: Beautiful handwriting. LAURA: Yes. She’s really amazing. Do you want me to read it out loud? SAM: Yes, of course! LAURA: Okay, okay. “My darling Jester,” that’s me, “I do so hope your journeys have been safe, "fruitful, and wondrous. I’ve always wished you to see the beauty of the world around us, and while "the circumstances perhaps were not the most favorable, it has allowed you the freedom to "become your own woman.” SAM: That’s nice! LAURA: I spent a lot of time inside, I told you this, yes. Okay. “To show all of Wildemount and "beyond the gifts you have to offer, and the joys you have to give. My sweet girl, how I miss you.” I miss her too, so much! “Your laughter, your energy, I’ve been sick in your absence.” Oh, because I’m such a healer, you know, and I took care of her, so that makes me so sad. “But it is "the trial any mother must endure, I suppose. You’re on your own now, and while I will always "miss that little girl, I’m equally eager to see the woman you will become. Tensions here are less, "but not absent. Given time, I hope things will vanish into the past, and you may come to see me "once more! Until then, I have included a small trifle, some things to keep you comfortable, "creating, and free. I love you. Your Ruby,” my mama, “Marian Lavorre.” She doesn’t tell many people her real name, you know. SAM: Marian? That’s a beautiful name. LAURA: Isn’t it? TRAVIS: That’s a nice letter. LAURA: I love my mom so much. ASHLEY: It looks like she loves you very much, too. LAURA: Let’s see what she sent us, okay? I open the little package. MATT: Okay. The package contains a vial about that big, filled with dark liquid. You shake it there. LAURA: Do I recognize it? MATT: You do. She keeps it, usually, by her materials. It’s a bottle of her lavender perfume. LAURA, SAM, and MARISHA: Ooh! SAM: Chanel! MARISHA: That’s what I was going to say! Wow! LAURA: It smells really nice! Everybody really likes this smell! MATT: It’s a smell that’s very much affiliated with her, and as you smell it, a wave of nostalgia comes over you. Your childhood flashes through you again. Within that bundle as well, you see there are five small ink vials of different colors. There’s a red ink, there’s a blue ink, there’s a green ink, and then two black. LAURA: Blue, green, yes! SAM: Color printer. MATT: Magenta, cyan. (laughs) LAURA: This is so I can keep painting. I used up a lot of the paint that I had at the festival. TALIESIN: Hmm? MATT: And 200 gold in the pouch. LAURA: 200 gold?! SAM: That’s a lot of money! For all of us. LAURA: That is a really good amount of money. 200 gold is a lot of money, you guys. TRAVIS: Are you expecting more? LAURA: Well, I mean, when we left, you know, I had a lot more than that. But, you know, it’s because I’m growing up, and we probably are learning about how to spend money better, so she’s teaching me, probably, that 5000 gold is not needed every time. SAM: She gave you 5000 gold before? LAURA: (panicked exhale) I really thought there was going to be more money in here. SAM: Did you tell her that you were out of money? LAURA: I did! I did tell her that! SAM: And this is all she sent? LAURA: But you know what, that’s totally fine! 200 gold is really generous of her! SAM: Maybe. I don’t know your mother, maybe she was testing the postal system. Sending a small amount as a test. You can write back and say, “Got it safely, feel free to send more.” LAURA: That’s a really good idea. SAM: Maybe that was it. Because I wouldn’t want to send 5000 gold over the mail system. There’s people out there who steal the mail! TRAVIS: (laughter) Whoosh! (imitates dramatic music) MARISHA: You made an incredibly excellent point. It is so easy to defraud the mail. ASHLEY: Plus, 200 gold is a lot of money. That’s more than I pretty much have right now. LAURA: It is a lot of money! TALIESIN: It’s more than we used to make in a year, easily. MARISHA: It’s a lot to send somebody in a birthday card. LAURA: Caleb? LIAM: What? LAURA: I’m really sorry about that one time when you were talking about money with me, okay? LIAM: Oh, that’s fine. SAM: The most important thing is that she loves and cares for you, and wants to support you from afar. LAURA: That is really great. She sent my favorite colors. Red and blue and green and black. Those are my favorites to paint with! SAM: Those are the absolute most basic you can have. LAURA: You can mix them. She knew I had a lot of white already on me, so I can make lots of colors. SAM: Mostly paper is white, too. LAURA: Well, it doesn’t work like that. SAM: I don’t know how it works. TRAVIS: Are we going back out, or are we turning in? Some of us are beat to shit. LAURA: Do you guys want to split up the 200? MARISHA: Jester, why don’t you keep that? ASHLEY: Jester, it’s your money. MARISHA: We just kicked ass and made 200. We’ll do it again tomorrow. LAURA: That is true. I’m going to put this in a special place, so that we have it in case we need it. Okay? MARISHA: Sure. The emergency fund. LAURA: Exactly. This will be “Mom’s Emergency Fund.” MARISHA: Sure. Yeah. LAURA: I’m going to paint that on the bag. “Mom’s Emergency Fund.” TRAVIS: All right, well, I’m getting tired. I’m going to turn in to the other room, if anybody feels like joining. Congratulations, Jester. That’s very exciting. TALIESIN: How deep of a sleeper are you? TRAVIS: I don’t know, I feel like after a day like today, pretty fucking deep. TALIESIN: Cool. We’ll find out. I’m going to go downstairs MATT: Okay. All right, so you head downstairs. TALIESIN: I’m going to at least need the best masseuse they have who’s also willing to do other interesting things. And someone to feed me and talk to me as the entire thing is going on. MATT: The madam goes, “Well, I can definitely provide those requests. That sounds like a two "companion request.” TALIESIN: I would imagine so. SAM: Wait, just so I’m clear: Do you get a full release massage while you’re eating a steak or something? TALIESIN: Fruit. Don’t be crass. That’s just weird. MATT: “Preference? Male, female, in between?” TALIESIN: Best hands, best conversationalist. Surprise me. MATT: “Very well. That will run you 20 gold.” TALIESIN: I pay it, and you can sleep through it or not, if you like. TRAVIS: I’m just going to be turning my face to the wall. TALIESIN: Welcome back to college, man! TRAVIS: College roommates. MATT: As the rest of you are turning in for the evening, to relax. You all eventually get yourselves comfortable. Caleb, you’re reading through your book. Then, at the door, (knocking) of the male room, and it opens up. There you see a young man and a young woman both enter, in nice silk robes. LAURA: Oh, it’s in the room? TALIESIN: Oh yes. Had you not put that together yet? MATT: Both human. TALIESIN: We got two rooms. MATT: “All right, so, who requested the service?” TALIESIN: Oh excellent! Are you on the bed? TRAVIS: Not anymore. TALIESIN: Okay. I’m going to take the bed, and I’m going to take my full massage and otherwise. ASHLEY: And otherwise? TALIESIN: If you would also like some food, I’m sure they’d be willing to– MATT: They bring in a small platter of grapes, and other fruit. TRAVIS: I’ll take an apple and say: Godspeed. I will leave the room. MATT: Caleb? LIAM: I leave the room and actually run downstairs and ask the front desk if they have another room. MATT: “Yes, of course, another room can be provided.” LIAM: How much is that? MATT: “For your troupe, that would be four gold for a third.” LIAM: Excellent. Ja. Here you go. MATT: “All right, here’s your key. It’s two doors down from the one on the left that you originally "purchased with your friends.” MARISHA: Is it the four ladies in a room? TRAVIS: I’m doing the old college hallway sit. Just outside the door like– That’s my room. Occupied. LAURA: Can we hear? Are we next door to this room? Can we hear what’s happening? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Oh, I’m sure at the very least I knock on the door and say; I’m having fruit if anyone wants anything. SAM: I rolled a 14. LAURA: I rolled a seven. MARISHA: I rolled a 16 plus– Oh, 19? TRAVIS: 18. LIAM: I rolled a one. Are we done taking donations? MATT: Taking donations? LIAM: You know, for 826? That’s all done now, right? MATT: I think so, yeah. LIAM: So now they’re just straight-up bad. MARISHA: Man, in context that was weird as fuck! I rolled a 19. TALIESIN: It’s mostly ridiculous conversation through this whole thing. LAURA: Can we hear? MATT: All you hear are giggles. TALIESIN: Yeah. MARISHA: I poke my head out. Do I see Fjord? MATT: You see Fjord in the hallway. Yeah. MARISHA: Psst. TRAVIS: Hey. How you doing? MARISHA: You’re in the most expensive hotel in 100 miles and you’re in the hallway. That’s real fucking funny. TRAVIS: Yeah. Molly got a guy and a girl that walked in with food. MARISHA: You want to come in our room so you’re not in the hall? TRAVIS: Do you have people in there with food? MARISHA: I have Nott and Jester and Jester has pastries. LAURA: Yasha’s in here, too! MARISHA: We could order room service. You want to come in and order room service? TRAVIS: Yeah, that sounds fine. MARISHA: Let’s do that. We order room service. LIAM: About when this is happening, I pull the wire out of my coat and hold it into my palmed hands and Message to Nott. Nott, will you find an excuse to bring Beauregard and yourself to my room you saw me go into? SAM: Message received. TRAVIS: What? SAM: Huh? Nothing. I didn’t say anything. LAURA: You said “Message received.” SAM: I was practicing a new catchphrase. LAURA: It’s weird. SAM: That’s why I’m practicing. LAURA: You should try a different one. MARISHA: I kind of like it. I don’t know. Like, you hit someone– SAM and MARISHA: Message received! MARISHA: Yeah, that’s great. I’m kind of into it! SAM: It’s a little heady. MARISHA: Yeah. You have to unpack in the moment. SAM: Yeah. Hey, you know what? Did you order the room service yet? MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: We called down? SAM: I think the phone’s broken, so maybe me and Beau should go deliver the order downstairs. LAURA: Oh, okay. MARISHA: I mean, yeah. LAURA: Yes. Tell them we want cookies and milk for sure. ASHLEY: A rat– SAM: Oh! We didn’t eat our rats yet! ASHLEY: Well, we can get them here, and then save those for another– SAM: I mean, they’ll die! MATT: The rats are currently back at the Leaky Tap. SAM: Oh. LAURA: Oh, that’s right. MATT: Well, no, you haven’t. No, you still have them, you haven’t gone back. SAM: Should we toast now? ASHLEY: Well, yeah. I am pretty hungry. LAURA: But Yasha likes to cook hers, remember. ASHLEY: You don’t like to cook yours? SAM: Uh, no. ASHLEY: Nott, that’s crazy. I mean, I’ll try it, but I feel like it’s much– Do you want me to have them cook it? Have you ever had it cooked? SAM: No. ASHLEY: With a little salt, little pepper. SAM: No. LAURA: I don’t know if they will cook rats here, though. ASHLEY: No? LAURA: Most of the places that charge a lot of money for rooms don’t usually cook rats. But they do have other animals that they will cook for you. ASHLEY: What do they have? LAURA: Probably like a cow, or a deer, or an owlbear or something. MARISHA: How about this: we’ll tell them to give us the chef’s choice. The special. MATT: The giggling gets louder from the other room. TRAVIS: Oh god. I can’t tell who that’s coming from. MARISHA: Oh god. Come on, let’s go. SAM: Give me your rat and I’ll have them cook it and bring it back for you. MARISHA: We’re spending enough money on this place. ASHLEY: Are you sure you won’t take it? SAM: I won’t eat your rat. ASHLEY: Do you promise me? SAM: Do you promise not to kill me in my sleep because you’re a Xhorhasian spy? TALIESIN: (loud giggling) SAM: If I don’t eat your rat, you can’t kill me in my sleep because you’re a Xhorhasian spy. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: With a (squeak) as you pull it away. SAM: All right. Let’s go order some food. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: You make your way to Caleb’s room? SAM: As soon as we get out of the room, I say: I was told to bring you to Caleb. I don’t know why. MARISHA: Can we go order food first? Then we’ll go hit Caleb, because it’s going to be, like, 45-60 minutes to deliver it. SAM: Sure. Right, it does take a while to deliver. All right, we go order food first. MATT: All right, you go order food, for the breadth of the evening meals it costs we’ll say one gold, five silver for food for everybody. LAURA: What do you guys want to do in the room now? SAM: I’m going to send a few Messages out. Caleb, what room are you in? Caleb, what room are you in? Caleb, what room? LIAM: If I eventually catch it, I give Nott the room number. SAM: Oh, okay. He’s in room six. MATT: You guys make your way to Caleb’s room. SAM: (knocking) MARISHA: (knocking) LAURA: Jesus. LIAM: Come in. SAM: I brought the monk. Are we discussing some escape plans? LIAM: Potentially. You know, we’re leaving soon, and Beauregard has an in at one of the bigger libraries in the city and I want to go there before we leave. SAM: Excellent, let’s go. Tomorrow, right? When they’re open. LIAM: Yes, but Beauregard has given me a condition. She had some questions for me, and I would like to answer them, but I don’t feel right telling her and not telling you, so I would love for you to stay here for a few minutes. SAM: Sure, yes, whatever you want, Caleb. It sounds serious. LIAM: Beauregard, may I ask you a question to start? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: How do you feel about the Empire? MARISHA: Oh, I mean– LIAM: Are you in favor of how things are going here? MARISHA: No, but I’m not in favor of many things. I don’t like a lot of things. Kind of have a problem with authority and they’re like the epitome of authority. I watched my father sacrifice a lot to try and impress those people. I’m not sure what it was for. Seems like a lot. LIAM: Are you comfortable with business as usual? MARISHA: What? How do you mean? LIAM: Do you approve of how the Empire is going? MARISHA: I’m not super invested in the political spectrum, I just don’t want any part of it. So no? I think it could be better. No. LIAM: Is she lying to me about being not invested? MATT: I mean, that’s up to you if you want to– MARISHA: No. MATT: As far as I know, yeah, she’s being pretty forthright. LIAM: Do I have to shout, “Insight check,” or– MATT: No, it’s up to her whether or not she decides if she needs to or not. MARISHA: Marisha’s telling you, Beau is being genuine. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: Oh. Not super invested about how the empire is going? MARISHA: I think– TRAVIS: Everybody’s lying! MARISHA: I have no investment in their success or failure. I think most of them tend to be scumbags who want monetary and influential gain, and I think they treat their poor pretty shitty and they treat their elite pretty great, and I think that’s sucky. Yeah, I think they’re garbage people, but Molly thinks I’m a garbage person– SAM: Trash person. MARISHA: Sorry, a trash person. If they’re garbage people, I’m their rare cousin, the trash person. LIAM: I would like to get if my reading on if that is genuine or not. Yeah? MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: Okay, so, Liam asking a question, and this is your choice. It’s just an idea that popped in my head. Could I request that everybody but Sam and Marisha leave the table? MATT: You can, yeah. LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Can we get everybody else but Sam and Marisha to leave? LAURA: Bitch! Fine, bitch! I didn’t want to listen anyway, bitch! SAM: That means you, too, Matt! MATT: Oh, sure. Well, then! MARISHA: Yeah, I– TRAVIS: (yelling) MARISHA: I watched my father sacrifice a lot to get where he was, and I’m not sure if it was fucking worth it. So the Empire doesn’t lean favorably in my spectrum. But I also don’t care if they really live or die or whatever. LIAM: Well, I really want to go to the library tomorrow. MARISHA: Yeah. LIAM: This may be a very stupid decision of mine. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: What does she want from you? LIAM: Would you be willing to leave with me tomorrow if I asked you to? SAM: Of course. LIAM: Just the two of us? SAM: Absolutely. Right away. Whatever you want. But why? MARISHA: Is the secret that valuable? LIAM: I am going to tell you the story of how I murdered my mother and father. SAM: Oh! LIAM: When I was younger, I grew up in a small township outside of Rexxentrum called Blumenthal. My mother’s name was Una. My father’s name was Leofric. Everyone was very excited about me when I was young. I was bright and confident. People used to say that I glided through life and everything just worked for me. As I got older, it became clear that I had a knack for the arcane. Everyone talked about this Soltryce Academy, maybe I would go there someday. The way they do things at that Academy, they don’t take all comers, they look for the diamond in the rough and every couple of years they find one. But when I was a young man, adolescent, really, they found three of us. Another boy and a girl, and– SAM: From your town? LIAM: Ja, from Blumenthal. And we were accepted. SAM: How old were you? LIAM: I was young. MARISHA: What’s young? Teenager? LIAM: Yeah. Anyway, we went there. I studied for a year. I worked so hard. It came easier to me than the other two, but they were also very accomplished. There were other students from other parts of the Empire there, and a little over a year of learning all they had to impart, I met a man named Trent Ikithon. He became our teacher. MARISHA: Why didn’t you say anything earlier? LIAM: Earlier when, earlier tonight? Earlier a week ago? What do you mean? MARISHA: When we were talking to Trent. You know we were talking to Trent. LIAM: After a year of studying in the main school, Trent handpicked all three of us again, and we left the school proper and went with him to a home out in the countryside where he trained us. It was a good time. We believed in the Empire, we were going to keep it strong. He was cruel. He hurt us a lot. Made us go through extreme circumstances, but we got strong. I also fell in love, but that’s another story. MARISHA: One of the other students. LIAM: Yeah. We rose through the ranks and it was the Empire over all, and eventually, he wanted to test our allegiance, so strangers were brought in– traitors. Disgusting people, traitors to this empire, and we killed them. SAM: You were just students? LIAM: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: He made you executioners? LIAM: We wanted to be. MARISHA: Caleb, that’s deeply fucked up, you know that, right? LIAM: Yeah. A few months of studying, of a little bit of torture, a little bit of murdering dissidents and traitors and deviants. MARISHA: Then one day your parents are brought in as traitors. No? LIAM: No. We were ready to graduate, and the last test of our allegiance was– I’m getting ahead of myself. I went on a trip home and visited my parents and when I was there, in the middle of the night, I awoke and overhead them talking, and went to the stair and listened to them talk about revolution and tearing the Empire down, and I felt disgraced and shame for my family. My mother and my father, who were so wonderful to me when I was a child, and were so happy for me to go to the Academy and believe in the Empire so much. I went back to the school and when the three of us were summoned and told what was expected of us, I knew what had to be done. We went to this other boy’s home first, Eodwulf, and we stood by as he killed his parents. We went to Astrid’s house, and had dinner with them, and she poisoned them. Then we went to my home and we grabbed a horse cart, and in the middle of the night, placed it against the door to the home and I set it on fire. MARISHA: You had to do this to graduate, to prove your loyalty. LIAM: Well, yeah, but it didn’t exactly go according to that plan because as soon as I heard my mother and father screaming inside… I was so sure. I was so sure… until I wasn’t, and I broke a bit. SAM: Did you go in after them? LIAM: No, I went to an asylum for a number of years. I broke. I don’t remember so well what happened to me there. It was quite a number of years. Years later, a woman was there, and she, another patient, put hands on me, and she took the clouds away. She took it all away, and not just my madness, but the fake memories that Ikithon put in my head of my parents. SAM: Fake memories? LIAM: Wanting to betr– yes. SAM: Wait, there was a false memory? He tricked you? MARISHA: Into hearing their talks against the Empire, is that what it was? LIAM: Yes, but it doesn’t matter, because I still wanted to do it when I did it. SAM: But you didn’t know what you were doing– LIAM: So what? SAM: You were brainwashed. LIAM: So what?! SAM: Programmed. LIAM: Doesn’t matter, I should have– I’m a disgusting person. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, all that gone, just like that. I ran. Not right away; I pretended like nothing had changed for several weeks. She was stark raving mad 15 minutes later herself, the woman who helped me. I killed one of Trent’s people there, and took this. I pull out the necklace. This has been keeping me hidden for years. For five years. SAM: What do you mean, hidden? LIAM: They can find who they want, but not with this. They cannot find me. I would really like to get into that library, because I would– MARISHA: Like to run again? LIAM: Hmm? No, I like you all. MARISHA: You were just talking with Nott about running tomorrow. LIAM: Well, that all depends on you, Beauregard. MARISHA: If I don’t let you in? LIAM: If you can keep a secret. MARISHA: Caleb, I’m good at keeping secrets. You heard us talking to Trent. You know he wants Yasha, and you’re the only person who knows the atrocities that this man– who utterly gave me the creeps, by the way, so I’m feeling a little bit validated in the fact that I read him pretty well– SAM: I don’t think it’s– LIAM: Anyway. MARISHA: I’m just saying, you have a responsibility now. LIAM: Which is? MARISHA: Keep this guy from hurting more people. LIAM: Well, that’s precisely why I want into this library. MARISHA: You want to take down Trent. Is that why you’re doing all this? You want to take down Trent? LIAM: Among other things. MARISHA: Ah. What are you hoping to find? LIAM: Anybody can make lights. Anybody could send a message through a wire. I want to bend reality to my will. MARISHA: Caleb, you don’t, though. No one wants that amount of power and responsibility. LIAM: Yeah, well, I told you why I am afraid of fire. So you are going to bring me to that library. MARISHA: Don’t worry, I’ll take you to the library. There are two options here: you can selfishly try and go after this guy for your own vendetta, or you can use your motives to keep others from getting hurt in a very similar way. LIAM: Both of those are appealing to me. MARISHA: All right. I know you just make dancing lights– or at least you can feel like you just make dancing lights– but those dancing lights make sure I can punch people in the fucking face whenever I can’t see shit. A little bit of teamwork goes a long way. LIAM: Okay, good. I think Nott and I are going to retire now. Maybe you can go get that food for the others. MARISHA: Cool, man, cool. Kick me out of the room, I get it. Yep, all right. SAM: You want to stay here? MARISHA: No, I mean, you just dumped some heavy-ass shit like that and then ask me to leave. No, I get it, it’s fine. LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: All right, I’ll leave. LIAM: But you don’t have to leave the table. MARISHA: No. LIAM: I’m not asking you to leave the table. MARISHA: I’ll keep your secret. We’ll keep all this a secret. I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of, though. LIAM: (laughs slightly hysterically) MARISHA: We’ll figure it out in time. LIAM: Goodnight, Beauregard. MARISHA: Caleb (clicks). Nott. SAM: Good evening. MARISHA: I have a charcuterie board coming to the girls’ room, if anybody wants any. LIAM: (door slamming) SAM: I go over and I throw my arms around him and hug him. I’m so sorry. It wasn’t you, it’s not your fault. It wasn’t you, you were made to do it. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. I know you don’t realize that now, but you will. This pain that you have, that you wear all over you like a mask, it’s just that, and you can take it off someday. I know it hurts, but it wasn’t your fault. I’m going to keep telling you that until you believe me. LIAM: Are you and I good? SAM: What you did was awful, truly terrible, despicable and unforgivable– until you can forgive it. At some point, you’ll have to do that. I swear to you that I will be at your side until you do. LIAM: I have an idea that can make that happen. SAM: Really? LIAM: Yes. It will take a lot of hard work. SAM: A lot of books. LIAM: And a lot of books. SAM: I’m in. Whatever you need, just tell me and I’ll get it for you. LIAM: I pull out the silver thread and I start putting it around the room, and go over some notes. I have some ideas already, some ideas I had, and I will stay up another hour or two before going to bed. MATT: Can we retrieve the rest of the group, please? Back to the table. (sharp exhale) SAM: Fart jokes! MATT: We got a Caleb lore dump. MARISHA: Huh? MATT: Got a Caleb lore dump. As you find yourselves reading for a bit, eventually a knock comes at the door, and a little bit of snacks are brought over from the side of the girls’ room, if you want some. The food arrives at your guys’ room, and the knock does come at your room, Molly. As the food arrives, the door opens, and the two– TALIESIN: Oh, is the food arriving? MATT: The food has arrived as the companions and you have completed your evening– TALIESIN: Okay, in that case, I am going to enter– SAM: You’re cleaning up. TALIESIN: Oh no, I’ve thought about this. I had time to think while watching things outside. Not you guys. I’ve got the remnants of the fruit. I’m coming in with the food into their room, and I am wearing nothing but my tapestry. (laughter) TALIESIN: I am your god, long may I reign. Eat of my fruits. MARISHA: I just ordered another fruit platter. TALIESIN: It’s good. I got through a lot of this. MARISHA: But long may he reign. Huzzah. LIAM: We’re still pre-sleepy time? MATT: If there’s something else you want to do. LIAM: No, I want to go to the bathroom. MATT: Then you may go to the bathroom if you’d like, and we’re going to come back in the morning. LIAM: Thanks, Dad! MATT: Whenever the rest of our group returns? SAM: Laura and Travis went home, they have a– Yeah, Dateline was on? MARISHA: 60 Minutes. MATT: Well, until they get here– SAM: Oh, no, Ashley’s gone, now. It’s just us. TALIESIN: If anybody had any questions they want to ask. Laura’s in the bathroom– MATT: Gotcha, no worries. (singing) Pregnancy. TALIESIN: Just looking forward to wearing a giant Platinum Dragon. That’s all I wanted. MATT: As the evening draws to a close, you all get probably the finest rest you’ve had in a while. It’s extravagant rooms, the inner chambers are well-decorated, the morning window– as the drapery is left open, the sun comes through in golden beams– LAURA: Oh no, we missed our stuff. SAM: It’s morning-time now. MATT: It’s the morning time. You guys come to consciousness. ASHLEY: We were going to play some Truth or Dare. LAURA: Well, it’s fine. We did. We totally did. MATT: You gather yourselves. What are you guys doing with the day? LAURA: Well, I guess we should go back to the Leaky Tap there, and– TRAVIS: Can I ask for everybody to leave the room, except for– (laughter) MATT: All right. TALIESIN: We have a cart. LAURA: Oh yeah, we can load it up. MARISHA: Where are we going, before our errands? Or after our errands? What’s the destination? TALIESIN: I’m going to get the map. MARISHA: Oh, the map! SAM: Are we all back together again? Over breakfast? MATT: Yeah, you guys have all woken up and gotten together again. We’ll say for purposes of this that breakfast has been provided, like brought to your room as part of the staying over, but you finish your morning. SAM: Like, continental, or like French toast? MATT: Upper-end continental. LAURA: You guys totally missed it. We had the best time in the room while you guys were gone for a very long time. MATT: There you go! ASHLEY: Fjord and Jester made out. LAURA: We had a crazy orgy in our room and you guys didn’t even want to be part of it. SAM: Insight check! 11. TALIESIN: I’m happy to move in whatever direction anybody likes. LAURA: Oh, you know I’m lying. ASHLEY: Wait, I roll, too. I roll, too, because I was part of the lie. SAM: I think she’s lying. MATT: You backing her up? LAURA: Did you roll shit, too? ASHLEY: I rolled a four. MATT: Yeah, they’re lying through their teeth. LAURA: Man. SAM: Before we leave, shouldn’t we get a lay of the land? I mean, I trust my own ears, they’re very large, but I barely heard half of a conversation. I don’t even know really what’s happening other than I heard that there’s a war happening. TALIESIN: What’s the good side of this, then? What’s your best-case scenario? SAM: Well maybe we should do some snooping around town and find out if there indeed is a war before we leave town. TALIESIN: If they lock the gates, or start conscripting– LAURA: Will they do that? TALIESIN: I don’t know what they’d do. All I know is I don’t want to hang out, and obviously we’ve made a bit of a reputation for ourselves. LAURA: But then, any city we go into, won’t they lock us in that city? SAM: We also have allies here. We have The Gentleman– LAURA: (gasp) TALIESIN: He’s an ally now. LAURA: You know what we should do? You guys! Why don’t we talk to Dolan about it? He would tell us! SAM: Dolan! We haven’t even checked in with him! MARISHA: Oh, shit! We forgot to check in with him! LAURA: He was at the party last night! He was with that really cool guy from Marquet. SAM: We have a bunch of allies. We can’t just up and leave without at least saying, like, we’re out. LAURA: Let’s go talk to Dolan. TALIESIN: Have you literally never left a town without telling everybody because, you know, there’s a possibility you’re going to get conscripted to go fight a war? SAM: I have never had allies before. LAURA: Let’s go talk to Dolan, and then we’ll leave, and we’ll go to Hupperdook and then we’ll go to Nogvurot. SAM: Because those are funny-sounding names? LAURA: No, because Hupperdook is a funny sounding name! Then Nogvurot is where our friends from the other mercenary group live. SAM: It’s also where there was a string of kidnappings. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: See, that sounds like our speed. Not conscripting into fighting on the front lines. LAURA: We can disguise you as a kid and they could kidnap you and you could fight them from the inside. SAM: I don’t like this idea. TRAVIS: How about we go say hi to Dolan, we’ll run by The Gentleman, let him know that we’re thinking about bouncing, and then we’ll be on our way. ASHLEY: May I take a look at that map, Jester? LAURA: Of course, Yasha! MARISHA: Does anyone know who funds the Victory Pit? TRAVIS: I’m sure it’s the city, right? MARISHA: Probably. LAURA: We could ask Dolan about that, too. MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Don’t think they don’t know our names now. LAURA: Can I say that while it was last night, I painted a picture with the new paint for my mom? MATT: Sure. LAURA: I’m going to ask the front desk if they will send it to her. Back to our house in the Menagerie Coast. MATT: Yeah. They’re less paints and more colored inks. You can purchase paints wherever you want to, but these are like– LAURA: I mean, I have paints I guess. MATT: But you have paints to do it. LAURA: Okay, I’ll paint it with the stuff I have. MATT: You paint her a little picture. LAURA: Ooh, colored inks? I didn’t realize that! MARISHA: Gel pens! MATT: (clicking) LAURA: Ooh. MATT: Postage for sending it off is simple enough at that size to be about five silver from here to Nicodranas. LAURA: Okay. TALIESIN: I think we should be careful, because the longer we’re in town, the more people we talk to, the more people might decide that they’re invested in us staying. TRAVIS: Fair enough. We’ll keep our eyes open. To Dolan’s then. MATT: To Dolan’s first? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: You guys go to Dolan’s. You want to take a field trip? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Where are y'all going? LIAM: We have to take a trip to Pumat’s for supplies and then– TRAVIS: Insight check! Just kidding. I’m good. MATT: All right. Who’s going where? MARISHA: I go wherever Caleb goes. SAM: Me, too. LIAM: Pumat, library. MATT: Pumat, library. The rest of you guys are going to Dolan’s? TALIESIN: To Dolan’s. We’ll meet up at Pumat’s. MARISHA: Okay. That sounds good. You guys, Dolan’s; we’ll go library. LIAM: We’ll do library first. Then we’ll pull Matt. MARISHA: We’ll pull Matt. TALIESIN: We can pull Matt’s soul. MARISHA: Pull Matt Key. MATT: So. As you guys– LIAM: (silly voice) Hey, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter! MATT: As you guys exit the Pillow Trove, and you make your way outside of the Tri-Spires, the first thing of note is the tone and the mood of the city has shifted dramatically. MARISHA: Fuck! SAM: It’s a more festive atmosphere? LIAM: It’s a party, girl. MATT: No. First things first. The skies are gray. What little bits of sunlight came through the last day have completely absconded. The sky is covered in gray, nearly stormy clouds. There is an air of stress and question in the streets as you start seeing Righteous Brand groups making their way through. As you make your way through the north side of the Pentamarket, one of the town criers comes by shouting, “War declared on the Kryn by the King in retribution of attack on eastern "garrisons!” TRAVIS: Oh, shit. MATT: Another one, a few moments later further down the way shouts out, “Righteous Brand "mobilizing east to protect our families! Spare what provisions you can to ensure victory and "support our defenders!” There are clusters of Righteous Brand groups, the full armored military outside of the Signet Wall that have come into the streets and are basically picking up provisions, asking for donations from anyone that can spare things for this scenario. They’re grabbing horses from nearby stables, and it seems like since the close of the festival, through the night and into the morning, preparations have already kicked in on the military side. TRAVIS: Maybe not to Dolan’s, then. LAURA: Why? TRAVIS: Because we got to get the fuck out of here. LAURA: Well, are we still all together, or are we already split up? MATT: You’re already split up. LAURA: There’s no way we’ll be able to get out of here before– MARISHA: Back to Pumat’s. TALIESIN: We’re going to do our best. We’re going to see how it’s going to be. LIAM: Did we hear that, though? MARISHA: I’m assuming we all heard it as we split. MATT: You heard bits of it as you split off. You guys heard a bit. It says, “Crick incursion "threatening imperial borders! The Starosta recommends armed escorts for travel across the "valley!” A lot of these Righteous Brand soldiers are also saying goodbye to their families. There’s a lot of people in big embraces with their children or with their parents, and there’s very much the air of the morning before the big shift begins. The Crownsguard themselves are doing the best to keep the peace and inform people and not keep individuals from freaking out as much, but you do see a few arguments breaking out in the streets and there’s that general tension of, “What’s happening? What’s going on? How bad is this?” But everything seems relatively under control. The Signet Wall, which is to the north side of the city, which is where all the military is usually situated– you don’t have a view beyond the wall, of course, but you can see that’s where a large part of the Righteous Brand is emerging into the city from. Yeah, there is a definite building presence, and tension in the city in preparation for the shift eastward. You guys are heading to Dolan’s still? LAURA: Are we still? MATT: Or what are you doing? LAURA: I mean, it’s obvious we’re at war now. There’s not much to talk to him about, huh? TRAVIS: That’s what I mean. LAURA: Maybe we should see if we should be some armed guards for some rich people going across the valley before, so that we have, you know. TALIESIN: Just a thought to check the board; also get our stuff from the Leaky Tap. LAURA: Yeah, that’s what we can do while they’re at the library. TRAVIS: Yeah. ASHLEY: That’s a good idea. MATT: You guys are heading back to the Leaky Tap? LAURA: We’re going to go by the board first. The job board? MATT: Oh, the Taskboard. LAURA: To see about being armed guards, and then we’re going to go to the– TALIESIN: Possible private escorts. Private escort, either north or– MARISHA: Might be our best way out of town, actually. Good idea. MATT: Okay. You guys head to the Taskboard outside of the King’s Hall, the four of you. There’s the original posting “Seeking or paying for any information on Myriad or unlawful activity within "the city.” There’s the reward on rebel gatherings, anti-crown rhetoric that you’ve seen. There is a shift to the recent Righteous Brand convincing letter. It says, “War has found our doorstep. "Defend your family from the Xhorhasian hordes by sword or shield. Good pay and adventurous living "as a soldier of the Righteous Brand. Seek Leopold Wanstiker at the Marrow Keep in the Signet Wall.” The other “Proof of others’ worship of heretical gods paid in gold.” You don’t see any immediate postings for armed guards but those are probably done privately through the merchant guilds. However, as you’re looking at the board a voice goes: “Oh, well that’s perfect!” You see Voloshin, the Keeper of the Hall who you had previously interfaced with when you did your job in the sewers, comes out in his robes and he says, “We’d actually sent a page to look for you but "they must’ve missed you. The Lawmaster wishes to speak with you, would you come with me?” TRAVIS: Of course. LAURA: Yeah, of course we will. TALIESIN: Sure. MATT: “Providence it is. Enter, please.” He leads you inside the hall of the king and there are the two archways between the clerk’s center and the Lawbearer’s small shrine within the chamber. He leads you down the right hallway past two sets of doors and there’s a third door on the right that is partially ajar. As you enter it, you see a spacious if rather minimalistic chamber. It’s a bare chamber beyond a bookcase, the desk, with a long bench in front of it, and a series of three small windows where the sunlight comes through– or the light, there’s not really sunlight at the moment because of the weather. Beyond that, it’s white marble and fairly empty. There at the desk you see, her arms sprawled looking down over clusters of parchments, the Lawmaster Orentha Stonegrasp. Her gray hair has tumbled past her shoulders and her bangs have been pulled back like a natural circlet, keeping it out of her eyes. He pushes you into the chamber, she has a dark brown fur robe on. The cold morning air makes the room, especially the dark marble, very cold. She keeps it on for warmth. She looks up from the papers and greets you with a smile and goes, “Thank you for "coming. That was mighty fast. Have a seat, if you don’t mind. Thank you, Voloshin, close the door, "if you could.” “Of course, my dear.” He closes the door, leaves you in there. “I wasn’t expecting "such a rapid response, but I appreciate your expediency.” LAURA: Well, we were right here. MATT: “That’s fantastic. Please, have a seat. I’d like to discuss a few things with you if you don’t "mind. First off, congratulations yesterday. That was quite a display and a fantastic victory. Well–” LAURA: Are we going to war? MATT: “I see you are aware of the shifts in our current imperial state of affairs. We haven’t had "war in generations. I’m hopeful that the conflict is swift, but I’ll leave that concern to those "with the right expertise. I’m tasked with keeping my people safe here, not on the front. Here. Now, "wartime puts us in an unfortunate scenario. Zadash effectively governs the southern half of the "empire and most of military might is now leaving us. Our Crownsguard will be stretched thin across "keeping the peace and dealing with unrest and worry and protecting these walls from whatever "pushes through the lines of battle and the general things that wander from beyond our boundaries. "Money isn’t an issue, but personnel is. There are outlying threats and criminals we no longer have "the manpower for and as such, the Crown has approved an expanded mercenary budget. Now you’ve "already proven your ability to me twice. Most recent, your skills in the Victory Pit showing you "capable and loyal to the king. I know not your interest, but if you would come under contact, "under my office as legionnaires of the empire, you would be responsible for protecting the lives of "many innocent people. Now, under contract you would receive 15 gold a week per person as "a stipend whether or not you were on contract or not. It could be at your leisure, months at a time "with no work and you still get paid no matter what you do. Each assignment rewards its own bounty of "course, case by case. The work I’ll be presenting would largely involve the hunting of outstanding "criminals, the acquisition of resources that may benefit the Empire in this time of war, and "sometimes the extermination of dangerous creatures that threaten life away from the front lines. Now "you’d all have credentials within the Empire and that will grant you access to supplies, pro bono. "Access to empirical halls, and individuals otherwise restricted to the general populace.” LAURA: Would we get healing potions? MATT: “When they’re available, those supplies are a bit stretched thin and put toward the front "lines. We could probably muster what we can. Could I hope for your help on this?” TRAVIS: That’s quite the offer. Seem to be opening up the whole kit and caboodle for us here. MATT: “Dire times make for dire circumstances. We don’t take lightly the ask that we’re giving here–” TRAVIS: We understand your position, unfortunately you find us in a precarious time. As you can see, we don’t have all of our fellows here with us and this morning’s news caught us unawares. We’d need a fair bit of time to consider your offer, I’m afraid. We can’t give you a yes or no right now. MATT: “I understand, that’s fine.” She smiles lightly, the crow’s nests in her eyes folding in a bit. “I hold no grudge against you should you decline. That’s all.” LAURA: We do appreciate the offer and we can’t wait to talk to our friends about it, though. MATT: “Okay.” SAM: Insight check. MATT: “Well, should you be interested, the first contract I can discuss, if you choose to sign with "us. It does offer a 10,000 gold bounty.” SAM: (choking) LAURA: What is it? MATT: “I can’t tell you until you sign the contract.” LAURA: Why not? It sounds like a lot of money for something, though! TRAVIS: We have sympathy for your situation. Will you be here in a few hours if we need to return? MATT: “Oh I have no choice, I’m in the process–” and she gestures to the papers below her and there’s a stack of approval letters and reports that have to be put out there. She’s dividing what forces that she can allow to go the eastern front and sticking her feet in the sand on what things she needs to maintain order in the city. TALIESIN: You have our deepest sympathies at your position. This is obviously going to be a very difficult time. MATT: “Well, the issue here is that many of our finest investigators and hunters will be sent to "the east and as such many of the criminals and individuals that we were in the process of finding "and bringing to justice will now go free or return and run rampant.” LAURA: If only my friend were here. Me and my friend Nott are really good at solving crimes, we’re the best investigators. MATT: “Well, consider what I’m saying. At the very least, come back and notify me.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “No harm no foul otherwise.” She leans forward and goes, “Look, I understand. People are "as varied as they are selfish. I believe in the Empire, but I definitely don’t believe with all "the people that run it. I do what I do because I feel if I don’t a lot of good people will be "crushed under the boot of those that misuse their power. But there are good people here, and we do "what we can. I’ve seen the good that we can do. That’s why I’m here. I wish to fight for this land "that I call home, to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and combat the destructiveness "and selfishness of anarchy. Utopia’s impossible, I know that, but I do what I can to make life as "livable as possible. Anyway, go speak with your friends, and I’ll be here if you need me.” LAURA: Do you think the war will make it all the way here? MATT: “If the war makes it here, then we’re in far more trouble than I anticipated.” TRAVIS: Fair enough, your asks are fair. We’ll return, quickly. MATT: “Thank you. I should get back to work.” She rubs her hands and gets back down to the paper. The door opens behind and Voloshin leads you back out of the King’s Hall. LAURA: If you ever need anyone to talk to because you feel really stressed out, I’m here. I’m a good healer, mentally. MATT: She gives a nod and a wave. TRAVIS: We turn and leave. MATT: You guys are escorted out of the King’s Hall and left back out to the streets. LAURA: Whoa, that was crazy! ASHLEY: That was crazy. TALIESIN: That’s a lot. LAURA: 10,000 gold! What do you think it is? Do you think it’s a dragon or something crazy like that? TALIESIN: I think it’s The Gentleman. TRAVIS: I do too, or something just as sinister. ASHLEY: I wonder if there’s any way to find out somehow what it is before accepting. LAURA: I feel like The Gentleman probably works with the city, you guys. TALIESIN: I feel like 10,000 gold is buying an awful lot of cooperation. More cooperation than I think I’m capable of. TRAVIS: Let’s find the others and get our story straight. LAURA: Back to The Leaky Tap, then? Get our stuff together? TRAVIS and ASHLEY: Yeah. TALIESIN: Then we’ll meet them at the shop. MATT: As you guys get to The Leaky Tap, you see near the front door a young page wearing similar, though simpler, robes as Voloshin and members of the King’s Hall, who approaches and goes, “Oh, hi! "I’m sorry, I was sent to give you this summons from the Lawmaster.” TRAVIS: We’ve already been, it’s all right. MATT: “Very well,” and then runs off. You guys gather your supplies and start making your way back towards the Pentamarket. The three of you, where are you going? SAM and LIAM: The library. MATT: You make your way towards the Archive of the Cobalt Soul here in Zadash. The same beautiful building with the large, steepled tower top. MARISHA: Button up. I turn to Nott. How do I look? Do I have any makeup running? SAM: Do you wear makeup? MARISHA: Like once a week. SAM: I think it’s worn off. MARISHA: All right, good. Let’s go. SAM: Should I be– LIAM: That would be helpful. SAM: Do you think I should be more of a normie for this? LIAM: I’m going to do the same thing that I did the other day. I am going to cast Disguise Self and make the gigantic glasses and change my cloak to a similar shade of blue. MARISHA: What’s that thing you guys do, Mother’s Love? What’s that situation? SAM: That’s for when we steal things, and I pretend to be his baby and he pretends to be my mama. Then when they’re looking at the cute baby, he steals something. MARISHA: Right. You could go with the first half of that plan, but without the second half that involves the stealing? LIAM: They would let you bring a mother and her baby into the library? SAM: I’ll be a dwarf. MARISHA: I’m more concerned about bringing in a man and a goblin. SAM: I can disguise myself as well. LIAM: Normally when we do Mother’s Love, Nott stabs people. MARISHA: Sure. You do know how to adjust in certain circumstances, though, right? You do know how to improv based on the current surroundings, though, right? LIAM: Hey, this city’s under lockdown, can we go into the library? MARISHA: Yeah, let’s go. SAM: I’ll cast Disguise Self and be a little halfling girl. MATT: As you guys make your way to the front archway of the entrance of the archive, there is the main sign-in bench, which has the large tome that’s on a small pedestal, where you sign in to enter the facility, and then you’re greeted by one of the archivists who approaches. You recognize this individual as Madeer. Has olive-colored skin, short, dark hair, approaches with a smile. “Beauregard, you come with companions.” MARISHA: I do. Spreading that Cobalt love. MATT: “Fantastic. What is it you seek this day?” LIAM: Me? I am interested in the history of the greatest arcanists of all time. MATT: “History can be done. Arcanists can be done. Please, do sign in here.” LIAM: Ja. Caleb Widogast. MARISHA: That’s your name. MATT: “And your friend?” SAM: Veth. TRAVIS: Ham and Beth. MATT: “No surname, very well. I will be escorting you as well. Come.” Madeer leads you into the library. For the first time you guys seeing it, it is overwhelming. It’s strange. For as much as there’s a very calm, almost cathedral-like structure on the exterior, the interior of the chambers have a curved, organic feel to the way it’s situated and organized. The bookshelves wrap around these walls, these separate antechambers that are broken up like ventricles of a heart. In each one, it is floor to 15-foot ceiling filled books with large shifting ladders that glide across poles and wheels. There are a number of tables and small nooks where individuals are in the process of taking notes or reading through. It’s not super crowded. There’s maybe eight other people in the facility at this time. Obviously the city is very occupied with other things at the moment. It’s not like there’s a huge, constant need for this, and the people in here are usually regulars. A lot of older folks, people who tend to spend their later life wanting to read and learn. MARISHA: Memberships. MATT: You are led to a section. Madeer reads through. “Arcanists, you say? Historically? Are we "talking Age of Arcanum?” LIAM: I am looking for histories, accounts of people who pushed the boundaries of what can be done over the ages. The firsts. I am interested in more than what is typical, at least as much as can be known. Do you follow me? MATT: “I believe so.” MARISHA: He’s a magic fan. LIAM: Ja, that is true, I am a magic fan. MARISHA: Little heavy-handed, man. Like, really heavy-handed. MATT: A few tomes are retrieved. “This here is a recollection of what elements of historical "significance could be pulled from the remnants of the Age of Arcanum, pre-Calamity. There are a "great number of mages out there, though many of them befell darker interests. But here are those "books. If you’re looking for more modern mages, we have historical information on the past 200 years "of empirical magecraft and powerful wizards in that realm.” LIAM: What about the unexplained? MATT: “Explain what you mean by ‘unexplained,’ please.” MARISHA: I said you were already being too heavy-handed! LIAM: Questions. There is a certain amount of knowledge in the schools of this empire, and then there are questions. Theorizing, philosophy of the arcane. MATT: “That would be more Soltryce Academy material. They do lay claim to most of those "theoretical discussions and research. The Cerberus Assembly would be the keepers of those research "endeavors.” LIAM: Excellent, I shall go there next. MATT: “I have a book here on the Cerberus Assembly, if that would be of interest to you.” LIAM: Yes. MATT: These tomes are presented to you. You can spend time to read if you’d like. Madeer watches the entire time, like a hawk. LIAM: I start reading. MATT: Which book do you go through first? LIAM: I will start with the first, the oldest. MATT: Okay. Are you absorbing it, or are you skimming through? LIAM: This one, I am absorbing it. I will read it cover to cover. MATT: Cover to cover will take you the better part of the day. LIAM: I’m a speed reader, and an average novel takes an hour to an hour and a half for a speed reader to read. MATT: You’re a speed reader, but this is also very dense material, and it is essentially a historical theorizing on historical elements they’ve been able to piece together. I’d say by the time you’ve gotten here, it’d be about noon in the day. LIAM: I’m holding three tomes, correct? MATT: Yes, and I’d say you’d finish this book by about 3:00. LIAM: If I take a moment to skim, ten minutes through each one, and get the barest idea of what I would find inside each. MATT: You want me to just tell you all the history? LIAM: No, I’m trying to figure out if I were to look at a couple of pages at once from three different books– MATT: What are you looking for? You have to give me something to go on here, otherwise this is going to turn into an hour and a half of me telling you about the history of the Age of Arcanum. LIAM: I want the furthest extent of transmutation and changing reality. MATT: Okay. There are discussions about transmutation on a powerful level. It involves the creation of turning mountains into mobile clouds. It speaks of, in the Age of Arcanum, there were floating cities. There was arcane technology utilized in that period, which was this magical utopia, but a lot of that was lost in the war, partially because a lot of these mages, when they had developed magic to this point, weren’t satiated with their mortal capabilities, and that was when they were easily corruptible by the betrayer gods. Then it goes into discussion of the Calamity. Magics that can alter the fabric of reality exist out there. Some of them appear to be myth, some have been wiped from time and history because they’ve been voted too dangerous and they’re supposedly under lock and key in other places of the world, if not completely eradicated because it was not fit to leave them in the hands of mortals. LIAM: This was in one of these tomes? MATT: Yes. LIAM: Then I will focus on that, because I’m interested in that. MATT: It speaks on theories and manipulations of– if you’re looking for things reality-based, reality’s a big scope. Transmutation specifically, most of what you can glean from this discusses the idea of turning from one creature to another, turning from one substance to another, how they would be able to build fortresses out of stone and then turn it to diamond for extra protective elements, and those were the great palaces of that age. LIAM: You know my main interests. Do I find anything of that in here? MATT: You find some discussion of it. You find some discussion of the manipulation of time, but what minor manipulation is capable through magic is merely to slow or expedite what happens. Accelerating time to a certain degree becomes very dangerous, and there is talk of some mages that have attempted to reverse time in short stints, and that process is both very taxing and in the past has completely annihilated those who toyed with that power. It speaks specifically of two different mages who believed that they could possibly alter choices, alter elements of their past to benefit their future, their gaining of power and influence. One was turned to dust, the other was never seen again. LIAM: I spend all my time with that book. MARISHA: Hey, Madeer. How’s it been? How’s it going? MATT: It has been frustrating, but fine. MARISHA: Fucking Zeenoth, am I right? MATT: Zeenoth is a great friend. MARISHA: No, he’s a great friend! Great guy. Great guy, that Zeenoth. Has Dairon left? MATT: I have not seen her this morning, but I don’t know if she’s left or not. MARISHA: Cool, cool. MATT: You read through that tome. It’s about three in the afternoon now. MARISHA: Hey, Caleb, not going to conquer the world in a library visit. LIAM: Can you give me two more hours? MARISHA: No, I cannot give you two more hours. I can’t. I will gouge my eyes out with a fucking pencil if I give you two more hours. SAM: How about one more hour? We’ll all compromise. LIAM: What about 30 more minutes? MARISHA: Do you have something in your neverending flask? SAM: Of course, would you like a drink? Are we allowed to drink in here? Why are you carrying around a cup? LIAM: I skim the book on the Cerberus Assembly. MATT: It has a breakdown of previous members who passed away. It’s basically a historical dialogue of how it was established. The name was actually a reference to a group that existed in the Age of Arcanum. It talks about how there was a war of mage houses 150 years ago within the empire that nearly destroyed part of the capital, Rexxentrum, and as part of the ceasefire and the arrest of these mage houses that were at war, as opposed to imprisoning them, they agreed to bind themselves to the empire and work for them. That’s what the Cerberus Assembly was established as: a power under rule of the king. Since then has flourished. It’s helped the kingdom rise to power, it helped them conquer the Julous Dominion. They work with and under the king. It talks of all the members and it talks about what they do. Trent is in there. There is Master Trent Ikithon, who is the Archmage of Civil Influence. Civil Influence is the title and it talks about how he is the propagandist and the constructor of the face of the Empire in upper-echelon circles. It speaks of Martinet Lunidus Da'leth who is the Archmage of Domestic Protections, who is the oldest in the original member of the Assembly who still lives. Was there when it was built and is currently considered the leader of the Assembly. It speaks of Marquis Jenna Iresor who is the Archmage of Industry. One of the younger members of the Assembly. There is Master Doolan Tversky who is the Archmage of Dysology. LIAM and MARISHA: Dysology? MATT: D-Y-S-O-L-O-G-Y. There is– SAM: Are you reading these things out loud? LAURA: Yes, he is. LIAM: I could say I’m muttering it under my breath. MATT: There is Lord Athesias Uludan who is the Archmage of Diplomatic Union. There is Lady Vess DeRogna who is the Archmage of Antiquity. I’ll send you these later. It’s fine. I’ll send you an email. TRAVIS: We now have something that rivals a shopping episode. It’s called the library. MATT: There is Headmaster Zivan Margolin who is the Archmage of Conscription. Then there is Headmaster Oremid Hass who is the Archmage of Cultivation. Those are the eight members currently. TRAVIS: I mean, I have to give a small golf clap for– TALIESIN: You wrote all this? MARISHA: It’s The Silmarillion. MATT: Oh, there is a lot more information! SAM: Caleb, when you were muttering there, did you say Dolan Tversky? MATT: Doolan. TRAVIS: Not Dolan. LIAM: Similar name. MARISHA: There’s nothing in this. You handed it back, I thought there was going to be something in it. LIAM: Okay, I will say that I got my fill. I can feel this one’s radiating– MATT: Yeah, burrowing vision into your neck. LIAM: I want to stay for 17 more hours, but I’m ready to go. I am good. I am done. Thank you. MARISHA: All right, thank you. LIAM: Thank you. MATT: “Of course! Good day.” MARISHA: Thanks, Madeer. MATT: “Good to see you, Beauregard.” He escorts you out of the Archive. LIAM: Caleb looks at the thousands of books that he did not read and leaves. MATT: Yeah, and there’s a whole second level above the spiral staircase. LAURA: And we count our fucking blessings. MARISHA: You know, you’re not going to find any answers in any of those books. LIAM: Let’s go find the others. LAURA: We’ve already left the city. TRAVIS: We are in Rexxentrum. SAM: They’re in a different campaign. MARISHA: What do you mean it’s been 17 years, Pumat? What do you mean? MATT: You guys, what have you been up to during this time? Because it’s been a number of hours. LAURA: Anything. TRAVIS: We ate like three shepherd’s pies. We fucking killed a guy and hid him in the room. We stuck him next to the skellington. LAURA: It was great. TALIESIN: We did our taxes. LAURA: Molly told all of our fortunes. TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: You’ve gathered all your materials. You went and checked on your cart, which is now currently– LAURA: We just pushed the giant rotting head out of it and left it on the street. MATT: Okay, that is a nasty fucking manticore head. The flesh has sloughed off of it at this point. Yeah, it’s pretty rough. You have your cart, the horses are still there. The horses you had, at least. LAURA: Hey, you guys. I never used my fate thingy yesterday because I’m stupid. Did you guys want to use it today? TRAVIS: For what? LAURA: Oh, did I not tell you about this thing? Oh my gosh, you guys, you know the weird little thing that we stole? TRAVIS: Uh-huh. LAURA: Well, it gives you this– okay, so you focus on it and you go to this place and you can see it and there’s this little gray ball and it goes “Touch me!” and then you go “Okay!” Then it comes out, and it goes in your chest, and you get control of your fate for one time in a day. TRAVIS: Wow. ASHLEY: What? What do you mean you get control of your fate? LAURA: Well, like basically like if you fuck up or something like that then you get to fix it, maybe. ASHLEY: Can you go back and–? LAURA: No, it’s like all of a sudden you feel a little lucky, maybe. ASHLEY: Do you want to try it? TRAVIS: Yeah, sure. Why not? LAURA: Let’s hide next to the body that we just killed so that you can try it in the cellar so that nobody sees, because we should probably be careful pulling this thing out. TALIESIN: I would imagine right now especially. LAURA: Yeah. I pull out the box. Just focus on it, Fjord! I’ll protect you! TRAVIS: Do I have to touch it or just look at it? LAURA: I can’t remember. I think you just– TRAVIS: I’ll do both. Are you doing it, too? ASHLEY: I’m going in? LAURA: It can only do one person in a day, but we’ll pass it around the group, so if you want it today, Fjord, then Yasha, you can do it tomorrow. ASHLEY: Okay. TRAVIS: Sure. MATT: As you focus on it, there’s nothing really there until your hand touches it and then there’s a momentary connection. You feel the thrumming of the object, this dull heartbeat. Your vision goes tunneled until you’re pulled into this space of light and stars, distant gases and colors. There you see, beyond this brief journey, this sense of self dissipating. At the moment where it gets a little scary and you being to lose a sense of personal identity, you see this tiny gray mote of energy before you that’s also pulsing with that same pattern. You instinctively reach out and feel as you absorb it into yourself, and there, the fragment of– LAURA: Did he say anything when he touched it? Like Caleb did? MATT: Did you say anything? LAURA: Did you say anything? No, you were silent the whole time? MATT: Your vision has come back to you and you feel this– SAM: I’m half sea monster! TRAVIS: Was I supposed to say something? LAURA: No, it’s just when Caleb did it, he was like, “I love you, Mom and Dad!” Then he started crying. TRAVIS: Oh, no. It was a crazy trip though. LAURA: Yeah? TRAVIS: Yep. ASHLEY: Do you feel like you have control over your fate? TRAVIS: No? TALIESIN: Do you feel…lucky? TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Do you? TRAVIS: Well, I don’t know. LAURA: I close up the box. I put it back in the bag. TALIESIN: Let’s go to Pumat’s and let’s get the rest of them together, I’m sure by now– LAURA: We will ride the cart. Do you guys really think we probably shouldn’t become legionnaires, then? TALIESIN: No. LAURA: No? We should leave town? TALIESIN: I think we should get out of town while the getting’s good. LAURA: That lady’s really nice, though. She’s like a grandma. TRAVIS: 10,000 gold, I mean, shit. Wouldn’t mind earning 10,000 and then bouncing. SAM: We’re going to go to Pumat’s as well. TALIESIN: You’re conscripted once you start earning that 10,000. TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re conscripted as long as you stay in town. LAURA: I wonder how the contract works? I bet it’s like a magical contract or something like that where you sign it and then they have like your soul! TALIESIN: Or you sign it and then the next time you come across some soldiers of the Empire, they have you executed for treason for running off on it. LAURA: Oh, that would be bad. ASHLEY: Yeah, we should explore this idea, but maybe. TRAVIS: Right, let’s go to Pumat’s. MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of expediency, and you guys lolling around a little bit to try and catch up, you all arrive at Pumat Sol’s in roughly the same time in the Pentamarket. As you enter the interior of the chamber, you can see the three Pumats are dusting and staring off because there are currently no other people making purchases inside. Most of the business and chaos– people dealing with the initial shock and preparation stage of this coming scuffle with the East. As you enter, the first Pumat glances over in your direction. “Oh, hello there! It’s real "interesting morning times. What can I do for you?” TRAVIS: Had a bit of a tussle. Guess what we’re back for? LAURA: I bet he doesn’t have any more yet. SAM: Healing potions, do you have any? MATT: “Unfortunately, you guys have pretty much cleaned me out, and what little bits I had were "snatched up bright and early this morning by the Righteous Brand.” LAURA: We should have bought some earlier! Do you know of anyone else that would have some? MATT: “Generally, I don’t like to plug rival purveyors here in the city.” LAURA: Right, but seeing as how you don’t have any inventory. MATT “There is Grace of the Wilds, which is on the southern side of the Pentamarket. You can go ahead "and have Jasna Bree maybe help you there if the army hasn’t gotten to her first. But I digress. "Respectfully, it’s going to be real difficult this time of year.” LAURA: To get healing potions? MATT: “Because we’re at war.” LAURA: “This time of year,” like it happens every year? MATT: “No, but I mean it’s that time of year right now apparently where war happens. That’s a "problem.” LAURA: Are you going to go to war, Pumat? MATT: (laughs) “No!” LAURA: But you’re such a powerful person, don’t you think you would be helpful? MATT: “I don’t think that’s any of our fates right now, isn’t that right, boys?” They’re all like, “Yeah, no that’s–” “No, warfare’s not my thing.” TRAVIS: I know we were in here very recently. You haven’t got any overnight special deliveries of anything interesting, have you? MATT: “Unfortunately, you’ve taken the bulk of what was there, other than a few odds "and ends that you couldn’t afford previously.” LIAM: Do you have any of that paper that I have been purchasing so much of? MATT: “We got a little more paper, yeah.” LIAM: Could I purchase, say, 200 gold worth of it? MATT: “Certainly. That can be provided. We still have that little pearl thing, we got the "bracelets, but that’s all we got at the moment. Mister Prime back there is hard at work.” He turns back and you hear this voice like, “Yeah! Got a lot of stock to kick up now! You cleared me out for a "while, which thanks for that!” TRAVIS: You’re welcome. LAURA: What was the pearl again? MATT: “Oh this here’s a pearl that allows you to go ahead and utilize your magical capabilities. "Let’s see here. Yeah, you use a command word and it allows you to regain one of your spells.” SAM: How much was it? MATT: “This one runs you roughly about 350 gold pieces.” LAURA: I would like to buy that please, thank you! MATT: “All righty, by all means.” SAM: Is it one use only, and then it’s gone forever? MATT: “Once per day.” TRAVIS: What was that other item you had? MATT: “Well, here you are, if you would like to–” LAURA: Is it the Pearl of Power? MATT: It is. LAURA: I had that as Vex! MATT: “There’s this enchanted shield here, which we discussed previously. That has an enchantment "to its deflection capabilities so it will help improve your chances of avoiding dangerous "physical contact via weaponry and other sources. Then these here are this pair of bracers are able "to do a similar scenario given you don’t have too many types of hide or metal in the way to prevent "the enchantment from protecting you, but–” TRAVIS: Does it work with medium armor? MATT: “Well, nah, it only works if you don’t have any armor or shield.” ASHLEY: Oh, what does it do? SAM: No armor, not even light armor? MATT: “Yeah, sorry.” LAURA: Do you wear armor, Yasha? ASHLEY: No. TALIESIN: Oh? LIAM: Beauregard does not either. SAM: How much are those? MATT: “That one will run you back about 1,200 gold.” SAM: Maybe not, forget that. TALIESIN: I don’t know. ASHLEY: We’ll come back for another day. SAM: Do you have any enchanted crossbow bolts? MATT: “Let me go ahead and check there for a second, those are generally smaller-scale here. "Pumat III, if you don’t mind.” “I got it, already listening to you, don’t worry.” He goes up a small ladder in the far corner into an attic place and you hear some rustling around as the other Pumats are there patiently watching. “So yeah, crazy war times, huh?” TRAVIS: How much for that shield? MATT: “Oh, this here enchanted shield will run you about 550 gold pieces.” TRAVIS: I think I’m all right. MATT: “Fair enough.” About five minutes pass and then the Pumat comes down, he’s got a small, bound cluster of bolts and he goes, “Hey, so it’s all we got, but we’ve got a batch here of ten enchanted "crossbow bolts. These upon firing should offer a small batch of fiery impact on whatever you strike "with them.” SAM: How much are they? MATT: “For each of these, it’s 50 gold per bolt.” SAM: I’ll take two bolts please. MATT: “Two bolts, here you go.” SAM: Thank you. MATT: He passes them over to you. These bolts, upon impact, do an additional 1d8 fire damage. SAM: Nice. MATT: You have two of them, and it’s one use only. SAM: Okay. 1d8 fire damage. Great. MATT: You may have a chance of recovering them, depending. SAM: Okay, cool. What did we decide? Are we leaving town or are we doing something else? TRAVIS: We got an offer to work for the city, to be legionnaires. To protect it while its troops, hunters, and mercenaries are going to the front lines. There are bounties of up to 10,000 gold in reward if we stay. SAM: Caleb, do we want to stay? Are there things here that you need? LIAM: I defer to the group. I think we work well together and whatever you think’s best. MARISHA: 10,000 gold. ASHLEY: 10,000 gold is a lot of money. MARISHA: They want someone really important dead is what it sounds like to me. ASHLEY: Yeah. TALIESIN: Sounds like an expensive enemy to make. TRAVIS: Our other option being fleeing the city? There were no postings for– LAURA: We already pushed the nasty head out of our wagon. MARISHA: Oh. Should have done that like a week ago. Good call. Yeah. TALIESIN: I’m legitimately happy to go in any direction far away from the front line, personally. MARISHA: Is joining the city joining the war? Is that what they made it sound like? TRAVIS: Believe so. TALIESIN: I think it’s a slippery slope. LAURA: Joining the city is protecting the city, more than it is joining the war. TALIESIN: It’s conscription. MARISHA: The city’s a part of the empire. LAURA: But you’re under contract, for 15 gold a week. LIAM: What about your interests in the Hall of Erudition here and the Academy? TRAVIS: Oh the Soltryce? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’d like to see it, but I guess I’m not in a terrible rush. LAURA: The big one’s in Rexxentrum, anyway. MARISHA: I think we’ll make gold wherever we go. TALIESIN: I agree. They say there’s kids disappearing up north? LAURA: If we stop by the merchants’ guild we may still be able to be armored escorts for people. SAM: Or we could just leave. LAURA: Or we could just go. MARISHA: Check by the merchants’ guild, see our options, and then make the decision from there. TRAVIS: Sure. MARISHA: All right. LIAM: You know coasting is not a bad idea either. There is not as massive a gain, but there is not as high a risk for whatever this 10,000 gold target is. LAURA: Yeah, let’s not do that one. LIAM: Play it safe. LAURA: Just be armored guards. MARISHA: This means we’re staying together, though? LAURA: Oh, I thought yes, that was a given right? I mean, we all work so well together. TALIESIN: I like it. LAURA: We make really good roommates! MARISHA: We do make such good roommates. SAM: Well, Beau, do you want us to stay together? MARISHA: I think we make a good team. I think there’s more to be had here. SAM: All right. MARISHA: It might run out, who knows. I’m not an optimist, but think there’s still more to be had. TALIESIN: Do we make a polite exit at the least or do we just bugger out? TRAVIS: She seemed pretty heartfelt, I think a polite exit would be thoughtful. TALIESIN: I’m fair for that. MARISHA: Merchants’ guild then polite exit? SAM: Yeah, maybe we’ll rustle up W.C., Loo, John, Crapper, Shitter, and Toilet. MARISHA: Oh that’s right, our horsies! LAURA and MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Any other business you want to do before you decide to leave the city? LAURA: Did you want to swing by and see if– Yeah, can we pop into the other shop? The old Grace of the Wild and see if they have any healing potions, just to check out. MATT: Okay. Yeah. TALIESIN: Just in case. SAM: In the interest of time… LAURA: Yeah. SAM: Do they have any? MATT: In the interest of time, Jasna Bree, who is a rather eccentric woman with wild black hair, a slightly hard to follow disposition, greets you and is like, “Hi! Welcome! Glad you could make it! "Healing potions, yes. Unfortunately kind of already cleared out. I’m so sorry. Give me a week, "I will have a fresh batch of healing potions, and I’d be happy to help.” LAURA: Definitely be back in a week. Wait, do you have any herbalism kits? MATT: “I do! I do!” LAURA: Oh great! Could I buy some– MATT: “I have four!” SAM: How much? MATT: “For each it’s– let me check.” She goes into her ledger. TALIESIN: The DM’s Guide. MATT: Yeah, it works out well. LAURA: Would I be able to make potions of healing with this? MATT: With herbalism kits? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: I believe you would, yes. LAURA: Okay. SAM: You can make potions of healing? MATT: Correct, it is five gold per. LAURA: Oh great. How many do you have? MATT: You have to have proficiency with it to make a potion of healing. Are you proficient with herbalism kit? LAURA: I don’t know how I would tell. MATT: It would be under your proficiencies. LAURA: Oh, then no. Oh no, I only have proficiency with a forgery kit and a disguise kit. MATT: Sorry. LAURA: No, then fuck it! I don’t want that shit! TRAVIS: I’m going to go back to Pumat’s. I’m going to buy that damn shield. MATT: Okay! There you go. TRAVIS: Thank you. SAM: If she has the materials to make acid, I’ll buy it from her. MATT: Yeah, she easily has materials and sells them to you. TALIESIN: I couldn’t make potions with alchemist supplies, could I? MATT: Not potions. You can make poisons, acid, various alchemical concepts, but that’s the gist of it. TALIESIN: All right. MARISHA: Does she have any badass weapons? Any badass sticks? MATT: No. She is purely a purveyor of salves and natural remedies and– LIAM: Ointments. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Can I ask a question? MATT: Yes. LAURA: With a healer’s kit, can you heal people when you’re not in combat? Or is it just for stabilizing? MATT: The healer’s kit usually can be used to stabilize somebody. There’s a feat you can take that allows you to spend an action to heal someone with it in combat. It’s called the Healer feat. Which is actually pretty cool. LAURA: Oh, okay. I’ll look at that. MATT: It turns anybody into a combat healer. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Should we go say goodbye to somebody and leave? MARISHA: Are we checking the merchants’ to see if there’s any armed escort requests out of the merchants’ guild? MATT: Who’s helming that? SAM: Fjord! TRAVIS: Not me. LAURA: I’ll do it. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: I’m coming with her. ASHLEY: I’ll help you. LAURA: Us three. Oh. That was bad. MATT: She’s helping you with it. It’s advantage on you. LAURA: Yes! (laughs) Oh no! Slightly better. Five. MATT: You gather the knowledge of this war has blindsided most of the merchant guilds in Zadash. Best you can tell, most of them are in the process of getting ready to figure out what their next endeavor is. Those that would be leaving won’t be leaving for a few days. If you hang around, you may be able to pick up that kind of work. ASHLEY: Okay. That’s something. LAURA: Well. I think we’d have to wait. Maybe we should just go? ASHLEY: Should we say our goodbyes to Orentha? LAURA: We’ll swing by and say, sorry we are declining. MATT: As you guys make your way back to the King’s Hall, you are escorted back into Orentha Stonegrasp’s office. “I see you’ve returned. I appreciate your expediency in getting back to me.” Her crackling Southern drawl breaking through with her bright dwarven smile. “Considering what we’ve "discussed, what have you come to a conclusion on?” LAURA: I think we are probably not going to be able to help out right now. MATT: “I understand.” SAM: It’s not you. It’s us. We’re not ready for that kind of commitment. MATT: “I understand, that’s all right.” SAM: You’re going to make an adventuring party very happy some day. LAURA: You really will. MATT: “I hope so. We’ll send someone else after the Hawker.” LAURA: After the what? MATT: “The Hawker.” LAURA: What’s a Hawker? MATT: “Don’t worry about it.” SAM: Does anyone know what a Hawker is? LIAM: Which spelling are you using for that word? A-W-K? O-C-K? MATT: H-A-W-K. LAURA: Like a monster or something? MATT: “No. He actually was a legionnaire for us about five years back, but then went rogue, and we "believe had ties with the Myriad and became a powerful tent-pole here in the Marrow Valley. We "had him cornered in Deastok about three months ago by a team of crownsguard under the leadership of "Carlos Ventuga. But this Hawker slew Carlos and fled south into the Wuyun Gorge and disappeared "into the Menagerie Coast. We’re having to send whoever we can to try and retrieve him and bring him "back alive.” LAURA: From the Menagerie Coast? MATT: “Yes.” TRAVIS: The opposite direction. LAURA: The Menagerie Coast is really freaking cool, you guys. SAM: So many choices! LAURA: Oh shit, that sounds really cool! MATT: “If you need more time, that’s fine.” LAURA: What do you guys think? Hold on, can we talk about this? TALIESIN: Quick huddle. SAM: Pros and cons. TALIESIN: I’m happy just to leave the city. LAURA: Pros, we get to visit the Menagerie Coast, which is always really cool. TRAVIS: Pro, 10,000 gold. LAURA: Do we have a time limit on when we’d be able to get him? MATT: “No, but the longer it takes, the easier he probably has vanishing into the south.” LAURA: Makes sense. MATT: “We sent a troupe after him about eight weeks ago, and I fear they may not be coming back "at this point. We intended to send some of our top investigators from the capital after this "bounty–” SAM: Investigators! LAURA: That’s what they said! SAM: That’s our job! LAURA: We’re really good at it! MATT: “It’s 10,000 gold alive, 5,000 dead.” LAURA: What if we were like, let’s go after this guy, and then after that, we’ll talk about being under contract? Like this can be a test situation. MATT: “Unfortunately, if this is to happen, I need you under contract.” SAM: Do you need some tea or something? MATT: “I’m good, I appreciate your conscientiousness.” SAM: A lozenge? MATT: “I’m all right, but thank you.” TALIESIN: Do you have a lozenge? SAM: I don’t, I just feel bad for her. TALIESIN: Shouldn’t be offering things that you don’t have. MATT: “It’s fine.” ASHLEY: What does the contract entail? MATT: “Retrieving this man and bringing him back here for justice.” ASHLEY: How long are we in contract with you? Just for this, or–? MATT: “The contract has you as a legionnaire, and as part of that you just–” SAM: Forever. MATT: “Well, until we decide to mutually end your service.” MARISHA: Mutually. MATT: “Well, if you wish out of it, we can discuss it, it’s fine. But I mean as opposed to deserting "is the problem.” MARISHA: So you want to hire more legionnaires to go kill an ex-legionnaire who wasn’t legionnaire-y enough for you. LAURA: No, he ran away when he was a legionnaire. MATT: “He ran away and then allied himself, we believe, with the Myriad and then has since, upon "attempting to bring him in, murdered some of our finest men.” MARISHA: Right. LAURA: The Myriad does some scary stuff, you guys. TALIESIN: If we happen to bring him in even if we weren’t under contract– MATT: “Part of the bounty would still apply I’m sure.” LAURA: How much of the bounty? MATT: “Probably half.” ASHLEY: That’s an option. LAURA: But if we were part of the contract then we would get access to a bunch of stuff. ASHLEY: That’s true. MATT: “Think about it.” SAM: Think about it. LAURA: Can we decide, can we talk about this? SAM: Huddle up again. MATT: You guys can discuss this over the next week if you want. You don’t need to decide this right now. TALIESIN: I’m too tired to make proper decisions. MATT: It’s fine. “Return when you have an idea.” You’re led outside and start making your way to the Leaky Tap to discuss your plan of action. There, waiting– LAURA: This is where we hit the save point. I don’t know. MATT: As you guys head back to The Leaky Tap, the Righteous Brand are making their way through the city. It’s a weirdly solemn, unexpected military parade essentially as they’re just gathering supplies and making their way through. It’s a show of strength to help rise the spirits of people that seem confused and worried about this coming conflict. So it does seem to calm nerves and a lot of the children seem excited to see them. Coming down the streets on their horses and their armaments on display. While you’re watching it go by, a voice whispers up next to you and goes, “Psst, hey.” You turn and you see, hood up, Kara. “Sorry, don’t mean to bother you. If you have a "moment, things are getting strange around here and The Gentleman may have a bit of work for you.” (groaning) MARISA: We’re the prettiest girl in town. TALIESIN: Should have left in the middle of the goddamn night. MATT: We’ll pick up from there next week. You guys made quite a display last night in the Victory Pit. LIAM: You just made it three times as complicated in seven seconds. MATT: Yeah, I know. TALIESIN: Knew it was coming. MATT: Picking up on that. However, you guys do level up. You hit level five. SAM: What does that mean? LAURA: Level five?! MATT: That means let’s all roll some hit points to finish off the evening here. MARISHA: Right now? MATT: Yeah. LAURA: Oh gosh. MATT: So we’ll start over here, we’ll go in order. What’d you get, Beau? MARISHA: I rolled a seven plus three. MATT: There you go. MARISHA: Wait, right? MATT: Whatever your constitution modifier is. MARISHA: Plus three, yeah. MATT: Ten extra hit points to Beau. What’d you get, Nott? SAM: I roll a d8? MATT: Roll a d8. SAM: I got a seven. MATT: Nice! TRAVIS: Everybody rolls a d8? MATT: I believe for a warlock it’s also a d8. Caleb is a d6, he’s the only one. Warlock is a d8, but it adds a plus. LIAM: I rolled a four. MATT: What’d you get? LIAM: Four, plus I’ve a constitution modifier. TRAVIS: It was a d8? MATT: d8, yeah. TRAVIS: Six plus four, ten. MATT: Nice. LAURA: Oh I’m rolling an eight as well? MATT: You are as a cleric, yes. LAURA: Five. MATT: Five, okay. d10 for you. TALIESIN: d10 for me. Six. MATT: You guys are all rolling above average, nice. ASHLEY: d12? MATT: d12 for you. ASHLEY: Nice. 11? MATT: Shit, you guys rolled really good this time, well done! ASHLEY: Plus two? MATT: It’ll be your constitution modifier, so a plus two to that for 13 hit points. So add 11 and it should give you 13. LAURA: Oh it’ll go. Here, let me get– Over on this side, you can manage your levels. ASHLEY: That’s right. MATT: For Molly, Beau, and Yasha, that means your attack action now does two attacks. You get an extra ki point. Casters all get level three spells. That’s pretty great. And your proficiency bonus goes up by one. So all your proficient skills, proficient attacks, spell DCs, and spell attack modifiers all go up by one. I think it’s all going to be included in there already, in the app. It’s a good level. TALIESIN: I add six to the rolled HP? MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: All right. LIAM: What’s everybody’s hit points at, what are the new totals? MATT: Beau also gets Stunning Strike. MARISHA: 44. LAURA: My hit points are super low, you guys. SAM: What’s Uncanny Dodge? LIAM: The best thing ever. LAURA: He got Uncanny Dodge. SAM: Sneak attack bonus 3d6! Oh shit. All the dice. MATT: This is my favorite part. Watching people realize what they get when they level up. TALIESIN: Oh wait, I get a bunch of weird shit, we’re going to have to have a talk. SAM: You can use your reaction to halve the attack’s damage against you?! MATT: Yep. SAM: Holy shit. I’m unstoppable! MATT: That’s part of the reason that Vax survived so much in the last campaign. LAURA: I think I get Revivify now. SAM: Can I use that once a day? Once a round? MATT: No, it’s just your reaction, once a round. SAM: Once a round?! MATT: Yeah. SAM: Holy shit. I’m a golden god. TALIESIN: I get a new blood curse. I want to have a conversation about that before we go into that. MATT: Yes, you do get another blood curse, you get to choose. LAURA: I have Dispel Magic you guys! SAM: So does Yasha, no big deal. ASHLEY: No, that’s a big deal. MATT: Then you get, of course, 3rd-level spells, and you get another invocation. You can mess with it later. LIAM: Where we’re leaving off, are we going to come back? Because it’s the end of the day, are we going to come back at the end of the day or are we going to come back next morning? MATT: It’s late afternoon at this point. You guys are coming back right as you met with Kara there. LAURA: Great, so you can go back to the library next time. MARISHA: (chanting) Level five, level five. MATT: Yasha, your speed increases by ten, which is nice. That’s some fun stuff. We’ll leave it there and we’ll pick up next week in this pre-war chaos. Guys, thank you so much for hanging with us. I hope you had a good time. We had a good time. We’ll be back next Thursday, see where this goes as choices, paths, avenues, and possibilities all begin to arise. LAURA: (singing) Too many options. LIAM: They’re engrossed in leveling up. This is the joy of Dungeons & Dragons. TALIESIN: I’m excited to see what insane shit I can do. My proficiency bonus, did it automatically go up? MATT: Yeah, it automatically puts it up. LAURA: Holy shit, you have so many hit points. MARISHA: I want to go to Taco Bell on the last 45 minutes of my birthday. MATT: Okay, let’s do it. Happy birthday. MARISHA: 45 minutes. MATT: I love you, we’re going to get Taco Bell. TALIESIN: That is the best birthday meal. MATT: I think so. All right guys, thank you so much, we’ll see you next week. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role where a bunch of us nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. Before we dive into tonight’s game, we got some announcements to get through. First and foremost, we have two fantastic sponsors tonight. The first of which is our good friend D&D Beyond! They’ve been with us since we began this campaign. The new book, Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes, releases tomorrow. I got one last month and it’s amazing. Oh my god, it’s so good. It has the Astral Dreadnought, I’m so happy. Hope you guys never have to fight one. You can order that now on D&D Beyond and check out the wonderful content there. If you order on D&D Beyond, you also receive the Rrakkma Adventurers League gith-focused introductory adventure for free. If you know what that means, we’re of like mind. The githyanki is such an amazing part of D&D lore. LIAM: Go Yankees! MATT: Go Razi! Anyway, as a reminder, Tome of Foes is also available in D&D Beyond’s legendary bundle, which is still 25% off using the code 826LA. If you want it to do the legendary bundle, get the huge discount, Tome of Foes is included in that, so go and check it out. It’s amazing. Thank you, D&D Beyond, and hope you enjoy the new release tomorrow. Sam? You want to talk about our other sponsor for the evening? SAM: Yes, our second sponsor for the evening is Backblaze! (cheering) SAM: If you don’t know Backblaze– I’m sorry. If you guys don’t know Backblaze, it is unlimited cloud backup for Macs and PCs for just $5 a month. Yes, Backblaze stores docs, music, photos, videos, fanart, and more. I use the service, and to be honest, I always thought, “It sounds magical.” Well guys, I’ve discovered that it is actual magic. Faery magic to be exact; In fact, I captured one of their head faeries, Yev, a little sprite named Yev, in this trash bag. TRAVIS: Look at him flittering around! SAM: Flits around a lot. He’s just settling down in here. MARISHA: There is no air hole; that’s so irresponsible. SAM: It’s okay! Oh look! Magic is real! I have it right here in the bag! Yev, how does Backblaze work? TOY IN BAG: (bird tweeting) SAM: Oh! He says you can restore files anywhere via direct download. LAURA: Did you think that was going to be loud enough? SAM: Shh. I’ve got a backup if it doesn’t work. He says you can restore files anywhere via direct download, or restore by mail and receive a hard drive with your files. Yes, Yev, but how does Backblaze keeps all those backups for such a low price? TOY IN BAG: (garbled speech imitation) (laughter) SAM: Wait! Yev says that they harness the power of love to store data and that love also sustains your life? Wait a second, without your love, you’ll die?! Oh my god! TOY IN BAG: (squealing) SAM: Oh god, everyone! Yev is sick! LAURA: No! SAM: Maybe the power of our applause will cure him. Everyone clap. Oh my god no, it’s made it worse! His lung has collapsed. He’s bleeding internally. Oh my god, what can we do?! He says that not enough people have visited backblaze.com/criticalrole. TRAVIS: You’re shaking it! SAM: That’s him shaking, it’s not me. My puppetry work is amazing. TOY IN BAG: (squealing) SAM: Not enough people have visited backblaze.com/criticalrole to sign up to get a 15-day free trial. Critters! If you want Yev to live, you need to click on the site right now! Oh god! Oh god, he’s flatlining. He’s dead. LAURA: No! SAM: Yev is dead! The Backblaze faery is dead. TOY IN BAG: (squealing) SAM: Oh! What?! It’s a miracle! LAURA: Don’t clap! SAM: Enough critters visited backblaze.com/criticalrole and signed up. You saved his life! We can continue the show. LAURA and TRAVIS: Oh my god. MATT: You are a master at building tension. SAM: Puppetry. That was a real faery, guys. LIAM: The Jim Henson studio was mad to let you go. TRAVIS: How you ever snagged it with just a kitchen garbage bag is beyond me. MATT: He’s thrifty. SAM: A child’s lightsaber toy thing. MATT: Don’t ruin the illusion! ASHLEY: What are you doing? MARISHA: Why do you show your tricks? ASHLEY: Yes, stop it! LAURA: That’s so quiet. SAM: I know, it’s too quiet. MATT: The faery escaped and left us presents. SAM: It’s a dragon. Oh no, it ran out of batteries! Everyone clap! Yeah, it’s alive! TALIESIN: My face hurts. MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, Backblaze, for your amazing support. Getting us on track here, we have the Vox Machina: Origins hardcover that will be on sale next week on 5/31. Very soon, on May 31st, you can find it on the Geek & Sundry online shop, check out all the details on critrole.com. LAURA: It’s beautiful! MATT: It’s pretty awesome, we’re excited. LIAM: It’s gorgeous on paper. MATT: We’re happy to bring it to you physically guys and not just digitally, so check out that. We have the Stream of Many Eyes coming up with our friends at Dungeons & Dragons. The event starts June 1st and if you’re in LA, you can check out the show live and in-person. Check out dnd.wizards.com/some. Stream of Many Eyes for more info and tickets. Ashley will be there playing in my game on Friday. Me and Marisha, Sam, Travis, and Taliesin will all be participating in the stream as well. Check it out throughout the weekend. There is a lot of guests coming in there playing some D&D and unveil Wizard’s next big story. LAURA: Somebody wasn’t asked. SAM: Is that true? LAURA: This girl right here. TRAVIS: No, we asked, you just don’t pay attention to email. (laughter) LAURA: Oops. MATT: It’s okay, you’ve got stuff going on. LAURA: You know, there are other things happening. ASHLEY: Human growing in. LAURA: I totally was like, “Nobody asked me.” All the oops. Sorry guys! MATT: We’ll see you guys there. Some of you. We have our fantastic Talks Machina every Tuesday at 7:00pm Pacific. Our fantastic host and maestro of cabbages, Brian W. Foster, will be there with a few guests from the show to discuss the events of tonight’s episode. It will be available on Twitch and Project Alpha so go check it out there. Also, a reminder for Twitch Prime: If you have an Amazon Prime account, you can sign up to subscribe to a channel on Twitch for free every month, if you manage to merge the two accounts together with your Twitch Prime and Amazon Prime. So yay! The Critical Role Live dice sets are currently back in stock and in the store. LAURA: Yes, and if they’re still there, the Vox Machina dice set is around as well. MATT: Oh shit. LAURA: I know! I tweeted it out because I was like, “No one told me that one was in”! That’s exciting. MATT: To finish up, I will be flying bright and early tomorrow up to Calgary to be part of Otafest. All you wonderful folks in the Canadian area, come and say hi, visit our panels, signings, and all that good stuff in between. I’ll see you guys there. Unless we have anything else to discuss, I believe that it’s the end of the announcements for tonight. That also heralds our diving back into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Hello and welcome back! Wow, you’re going back to basics tonight. LIAM: We’ve got to. MATT: Apparently, going back full circle. Back at 255 and zero. Last we left off: The Mighty Nein have been caught up in the political turmoil of the Empire, noticing that the king has declared war on the eastern realm of Xhorhas, specifically the Kryn dynasty. There was an assault on one of the garrisons in the east. There were many lives lost and the sky now darkens. You’ve begun to decide what it is you can do and what your current plan of action is. As you began to gather your things as you decide where your next trajectory would be, you were summoned to the King’s Hall, and brought before the Lawmaster of the town of Zadash. She implored you if you’re interested, having proven your mettle in the past and in the Victory Pit not too long ago, if you’d be interested as signing off as legionnaires to help aid, protect, and do work for the Empire at home while all the military forces of the Righteous Brand had moved to the east to engage with the enemy. You took it under consideration and left, went back to gather some more supplies at your inn. You were delivered a missive from an old friend, Kara, saying the The Gentleman would like to speak with you. That was where we left off. Mighty Nein, having just returned to the Leaky Tap, being briefly met with Kara who delivered this information and then vanished back into the afternoon, what would you like to do? TRAVIS: Clearly, we’re going to talk to El Jefe. (laughter) TRAVIS: Got it out of the way right away. Autocorrect. Inside story. Inside joke. Whatever. SAM: The inside story. LAURA: Yes, I think we should go talk to him. That seems like it would be smart, right? MARISHA: Yeah, and we already signed one contract with him. TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s not like he wouldn’t know where we went if we left, anyway. SAM: What time of day is it right now? MATT: If I recall, it’s later afternoon. SAM: That is my voice. LAURA: Is it? SAM: I’m dialing it in still. (vocalizes trying to find Nott’s voice) MATT: And we got there. TRAVIS: A little more mid, a little less treble. SAM: What time is it? MATT: It’s late afternoon, I believe. TRAVIS: We can head over. SAM: Let’s do it. TALIESIN: I get nervous spending too much time in one place, but if everyone’s going, then we’re going. TRAVIS: It’s like a step in the way out. LAURA: What if what he wants us to do means that we have to stay here for a while, though? TRAVIS: Then we’ll have to make it worth our while. LAURA: Like for a lot of money, would you stay? TALIESIN: You’re at a table, you’re doing well. Eventually, you’re going to want to walk away from the table. LAURA: What if the table offers you four times the amount you’ve ever seen? TALIESIN: The table always offers you four times the amount you’ve ever seen. You got to walk away while you’re winning. But all right! TRAVIS: Yeah, we’ll make a decision. MATT: You make your way across the Pentamarket, to the familiar down, dank, and broody interior of the Evening Nip tavern. You pass by Clive, who gives you a nod. You head towards the hidden staircase down to the subterranean tavern. There a different sound catches your ears. There’s the familiar sound of warm music and tavern flair, but you also hear rowdy shouts and cheers and the occasional sound of something heavy against a skidding table. As you slowly descend toward the base of the curved staircase to enter the main chamber, you can see some folks are sitting at the tables, The Gentleman is in his far corner at the back, and they’re all watching a small circle of people in the center as two individuals in the process of beating the shit out of each other. Bare fists, bare knuckled. People are making bets, laughing and cheering, and throwing beer and various objects into the ring to mess with them. It is mid-craze scuffle at the moment. MARISHA: There’s a fight club! You guys, it’s a fucking fight club! TRAVIS: Beau is in her element. MATT: As you guys step down into the main area, the large ogre bodyguard stands and turns back. His low guttural grunt come through his protruding jawline with a (grunt) and gives you a sign to continue inward. TRAVIS: How have you been, Kutha? MATT: “All right.” TRAVIS: Yeah, me too, all right. MATT: Getting a glimpse here as you watch a bit of parting between shoulders as everyone’s standing end to end. You hear this heavy crack and the two people nearest to you bow backward. Apparently, one of the two fighting individuals being thrusted into the circle is immediately pushed back into the center. You hear another couple of swings go before they both breakaway. You can hear the heavy breaths of them now exhausted, pouring with sweat. You recognize them, one is Louis, one of the agents who fled from the research facility that you were then going after, and the other is Thed, the halfling fellow with the neck tattoo that you saved in the sewers not but a week and half earlier. They are both bloodied– MARISHA: The one we got the information from. LAURA: Yeah! I remember he was trapped down by the spider. TRAVIS: The first guy’s name was Louis? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Louis and Thed? MATT: Yes. They are both bloodied and tensely attempting to pummel the other into unconsciousness. The people seem to be happily cheering it on as they go. MARISHA: Wait, who was Louis? TRAVIS: From the research facility? MATT: There were three people that went there and fled the research facility. LAURA: The ones we made fun of. MATT: Yes. LAURA: Woo, go Thed! MARISHA: Oh yeah, that’s right. SAM: Research facility? LAURA: I’m going to jump up on the table and watch it. MARISHA: The ones that we hazed. The Gentlemen’s guys that we talked to before we went to go kill the will-o’-wisps. SAM: Oh! Got it. MATT: Jester ascends to one of the nearby untaken tables and watches down into the mix. Thed crawls upward, fists up in front of his face, trying to guard. He goes for a duck, and comes in for an uppercut. Louis slaps it away, but it still manages to catch the edge of his jaw. He slaps his head a little bit to the side and as such he pushes off, and gives a kick to the chest of Thed, who falls back a second and goes to his back leg, and comes forward with a huge haymaker. Louis tries to back out of the way but it comes at an upward angle, slams into the side of his temple. You watch as his face goes starry eyed for a second as he tries to grab the edge of one of the chairs to catch himself. Thed runs up and then knees him right in the center of the chest and stomach region, and you hear the (pained moan). The whole group goes “Oh!” around, and you watch as Louis pushes off the chair and steps back and tries to back swing towards Thed. Thed slaps it out of the way, and goes in for a headbutt. It’s at this point that Louis appears to have pulled something from his back pocket, and as he swings his hand upwards, a scattering of sand and dust goes into Thed’s face, who backs up going (pained yell), starts to rub it right into his face. He begins to step away, trying to get his fists up. Louis uses the opportunity to go forward and sweep his legs out from under him. As he hits the ground, chest up, he goes into a double handed hammer fist right down into Thed’s chest. The air escapes him. Once again, the crowd goes “Oooh!” There’s a slight in the back from the Gentlemen, who’s trying to watch over the shoulders of everybody. LAURA: Jump up on the table, you can see better! MATT: This first time he’s acknowledged your entry, he gives you a look over going, a bit of a smile from the distance. Louis goes for a secondary blow. However, Thed manages to push off. His smaller halfling form able to dexterously dodge out of the way. He’s got one eye partially open, the other one watering thick, and he waits and paces himself for a moment. Louis, however, follows up behind it very quickly and goes for a knee straight to Thed’s face. It slams in, and as he backs up you can see the nose is permanently pushed to one side, and blood is pouring down the front of his face. He has a hand up. You can’t tell if he’s going to say he’s going to stop or if he’s trying to defend, and there’s no one looking over this battle to stop it if it happens. SAM: I turn to Mollymauk and say: I got three gold on Thed. TALIESIN: Seems a little late for a wager at this point. SAM: Just you and me. TALIESIN: Fair, I’m in. MATT: Louis comes in to try and finish off what he started. Thed waits for the final moment and then ducks down below, gets underneath and between the legs of Louis, and lifts, throwing him up, ass over tea kettle, until he slams on the back of the ground. He turns around, wiping the other eye out of the way. He pulls his leg up and attempts to stomp down onto Louis’s neck, and connects. Immediately there’s a (choking) and he’s holding him to the ground and jamming and grinding his heel into his throat. Everyone’s shouting, “Get him!” LAURA: Finish him! TRAVIS: Should we stop this? MARISHA: What? Why would you? MATT: Louis is desperately trying to pull the boot of Thed up off his throat, but Thed’s able to keep it down. He’s pushing and pushing. He spits blood right in the face of Louis, like onto one of his eyes. The consciousness of Louis begins to fade, eyes roll back, and then eventually, as the rest of his body goes limp, they pull Thed off. “Yeah!” They cheer and lift him up and carry him off. They pull Louis up into a chair and start slapping him and pour water in his face. He comes to consciousness and spits out a tooth, and then the crowd’s energy begins to die down a bit, and they drag them to different sides of the room and the people being to go about their business, get another drink at the bar. SAM: That was amazing. LAURA: Does that happen often in here? SAM: Thank you! TALIESIN: Shit. SAM: That’s the fury of the small. MARISHA: That was awesome. LAURA: Fight me! MARISHA: Okay! LAURA: Fight me right now! Do you want to do it? MATT: As you’re doing that, some of the crowd that had began to disperse suddenly turns and starts tapping each other. MARISHA: What are the rules? LAURA: Just hit each other! MARISHA: Okay! MATT: (laughing) Do you wa– Okay! LIAM: Round one! MATT: You both charge into the center, starting seemingly with no purpose other then the necessary adrenaline to kickstart the rest of your evening. TALIESIN: Not like it hasn’t happened before. MATT: I need you both to roll initiative. LIAM: I cast Haste on Beauregard. LAURA: You piece of shit! MARISHA: What does that mean? LAURA: 22! MARISHA: Do I get to roll twice? MATT: Roll initiative. MARISHA: Okay. I did. 17. MATT: Okay but– Hold on, let me check real fast. LIAM: It’s licorice. I just need licorice. TALIESIN: Did I notice him casting Haste? LIAM: I didn’t try to hide it. TALIESIN: Okay. TRAVIS: (Laughing) Okay. MATT: Saving throws, not ability checks. You don’t get advantage on your initiative. MARISHA: All right, 17. MATT: You feel this sudden strange surge of adrenaline and energy. Time around you seems to slow ever so slightly as you watch Jester starting rushing in, swinging towards you, faster than you expect though. What are you doing? LAURA: I’m going to punch her in the face and cast Inflict Wounds. SAM: Oh Jesus! MARISHA: What! TRAVIS: You just got this! MATT: At first level? MARISHA: I thought we were having funsies! LAURA: At first level. I could do it at third, but I’m doing it at first. MATT: Okay, so it’s a relatively soft punch as you’re using it as a delivery method for the spell. LAURA: Yeah. MATT: So it doesn’t do any actual punch damage. However, you do have to roll to see if you connect, so a melee spell attack. LAURA: 18! MARISHA: That hits. MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: I believe that 3d10 necrotic. LAURA: 3d10. I think so. SAM: Oh god! MARISHA: Let’s wrestle! Okay! Mace in your face! TRAVIS: Third level is like 5d10. MARISHA: Yeah! MATT: Let’s thumb wrestle, and you shoot him in the head. Like what? LAURA: 17? MARISHA: Holy fuck balls! MATT: Suddenly your energy is instilled within your body, your vision goes wide, all the colors come into focus and you look up to see Jester to distract yourself from the sudden sensation you’ve never experienced before. The one thing you see is this fist connect with your chest, and you all watch as a series of blood vessels in the sides of Beauregard’s face and neck suddenly burst and splash blood in different directions. You see white for a second. Your body racked with pain and you recoil briefly from the sudden shock to your system. TRAVIS: With this flash of action, I mask my voice and go: I’ve got five gold on the horny one! MARISHA: The fuck, Jester?! LAURA: I don’t know! MARISHA: Boom! Boom! Boom! I’m going to do some Ip man like (punching noises). Like all the way down her spine. Right in the fucking ribs. Yeah, going for that. MATT: You’ve got two attacks now. LIAM: Caleb is stress chewing on the licorice root that he used to cast the spell. MATT: You don’t have your shield for this because you’re fist fighting. So your AC is technically two lower. LAURA: Oh shit. MARISHA: Okay the first one definitely hits with a 20. LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: The second one is a 15. LAURA: No, it doesn’t hit! MARISHA: Okay, and then I’m going to spend a ki to do stunning strike. MATT: What’s your AC normally? LAURA: Normally 18. MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: She’s cracking it out! MARISHA: Okay, wait, hang on. LAURA: I should have done it 3rd-level! MARISHA: As in one ki– Do I have to– Hang on. Sorry! MATT: You roll damage. MARISHA: Roll damage and then do I do? MATT: And then she has to make a saving throw. I believe it’s a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Not great damage. Seven damage. MATT: Seven points of bludgeoning damage as she begins to pummel you repeatedly, across the front of the face, down into the side of the torso, and I need you to roll a constitution saving throw please, Jester. LAURA: Oh god. Oh no. ASHLEY: You guys are fucking each other up. LAURA: Five! No! Six. Oh no. MATT: Okay, as she continues down your torso there’s one portion on the back of your armor where your spine is exposed beyond the clothing you’re wearing, and after she finishes the round she uses the momentum and strikes straight into base of the spine where the nerve would divide down to the pelvis, and your entire body locks up, all your muscles all spasm at once. You are stunned. MARISHA: Can I have another attack action because of haste? LAURA: I think I pooped myself a little. TRAVIS: I walk over to the other side of the crowd and go: I got ten gold on the one with the bandages! Trying to whip up a betting frenzy. MATT: The haste doesn’t give you a fourth attack. What does haste does is it gives you– LIAM: An extra attack action. MATT: An extra attack action, yeah. You have your bonus action so yeah. You can attack with your staff if you want to, whatever your main attack is and then you still have your bonus action. MARISHA: And I still have my bonus action? MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Because my stunning strike didn’t use my bonus action, right? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Okay. That’s not great. That misses. It was a natural four. MATT: Hold on, she is stunned. MARISHA: Oh right! She’s stunned! MATT: Attack rolls against her are at advantage. You roll again. MARISHA: That’s a natural one. MATT: This hit you do pull back and hit the armor unfortunately, and your fingers snap back a bit, you feel the numbness from the attack. LAURA: That was my shield! MARISHA: You keep your shield in your ass? LAURA: Yeah. MARISHA: Ow! Then I have one more bonus action, right? MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: Okay, that’s good. That’s 19 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Six! MATT: That’s six bludgeoning damage to you. As Beau recoils from this and steadies herself from this round, Jester you are unable to move. You’re sluggishly trying to get your joints to function again, you try and speak and it comes out in a stuttering phrase that fades away, your tongue not listening to your impact. TRAVIS, MARISHA, and ASHLEY: (chanting) Level five! Level five! MARISHA: Right in that sciatic nerve! Right in there. LAURA: Oh no, it hurts already. MATT: Too close to home. LIAM: Beat that practice dummy! MATT: That ends your turn. Back to Beau. MARISHA: I’m going to just do– MATT: You are no longer stunned. MARISHA: Once again take my staff out and I’m going to gut strike her right in the stomach. The first attack, that’s a natural 18. MATT: Let me double check and see when the actual stun wears off. SAM: And I’ll take five. Five gold, I’ve got Jester. MATT: Until the end of your next turn, so you still have advantage on attacks against her. MARISHA: Let’s see if– Okay, no. I’ll take that 18. That first strike is 12 damage with my staff. MATT: 12 points of bludgeoning damage as the staff slams right into your clavicle, shoulder area, almost knocking you off your feet. MARISHA: Then I’m supposed to state flurry of blows as my bonus, right? MATT: Correct, yes. MARISHA: But I get one more attack and then I can do flurry of blows. LAURA: I’m going to use my reaction, because I’m not stunned, to use Hellish Rebuke on you. MATT: Technically, you’re still stunned until the end of her turn. LAURA: Fuck! LIAM: Is what Jester thought. MARISHA: Second attack. Okay. 18. MATT: 18 hits. MARISHA: This is still my regular attacks. MATT: This is still the second strike with the staff after one knocking her back from the shoulder blow. MARISHA: I’m going to do a six damage crack just right in her gut, knock the wind out of her. MATT: The wind gets knocked out of you from a sudden blow to your stomach area. MARISHA: And I’m going to do flurry of blows. LAURA: Oh no! TALIESIN: Blood curse of the eyeless. Full strength. MATT: All right, go ahead and take your damage. TRAVIS: On who? MATT: All of a sudden your vision goes black. For whatever reason where we saw the brief burst of the veins from the first strike from Jester, you watch as bits of crimson begin to pour out the corners of Beau’s mouth, as her eyes go over black. MARISHA: Motherfucker. MATT: You don’t have advantage, it’s just a straight roll for your attacks. MARISHA: Okay, first one. 14. LAURA: Nope. MARISHA: Second one. No, even worse, natural four. MATT: Eventually your vision comes back, but your knuckles hurt from the fact that you just punched twice in the thickest parts of her breast plate. MARISHA: And I have one more attack action, right? MATT: Because of haste, you do. Yes, and that one has advantage. MARISHA: Mm-hmm. 14, 20 total. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: Another 12 damage. LAURA: Aww no! I’m unconscious! MARISHA: Oh shit! MATT: And with that– MARISHA: It was pretty good, though. MATT: Jester got one good opening blow, and then– LAURA: And then Caleb fucked me. MATT: I mean, partially, but you also chose a fist fight against a monk, which is a rough scenario. MARISHA: Fight club! MATT: The whole crowd goes, “Yeah!” MARISHA: Sorry Jester. MATT: Jester’s unconscious. MARISHA: Oh wait, I thought you were going to Fjord. I’m sorry. LIAM: Oh, no I’m just being my same, awkward self. It’s fine. SAM: Guys, she’s our healer. MARISHA: Oh shit. SAM: Can someone– she’s dying right now. MATT: You watch as one of the patrons of the bar comes up with a small jug of water and throws it in her face. LAURA: (coughing) Whoa! SAM: Is she okay? MATT: She’s at one hit point. LAURA: That was seriously awesome! MARISHA: So awesome! Dude, what did you do? That was crazy. LAURA: I would have done it worse, but I thought we were taking it easy on each other and then you went crazy on me. MARISHA: Well, I got a little blood lusty after that. I’m so sorry. LAURA: I understand completely. How come you were you hitting me so much though? Because usually you don’t have that much speed. MARISHA: I don’t really know. Do I know that he cast Haste on me? Would I be aware of that? MATT: Not at the moment, no, and you’re still affected by it. MARISHA: I don’t know. Maybe it was a relapse of the those mushrooms that Molly and I did. I don’t know. LAURA: That was a while ago. TRAVIS: Talking super fast. All coked up. MARISHA: It’s really great. I don’t know. I feel really good about myself right now. MATT: At about this point in the conversation, the adrenaline leaves your body, and you almost keel over. You become, suddenly, super lethargic and exhausted. MARISHA: (groans) Oh god. LIAM: Definitely the mushrooms. MARISHA: We’re going to take a nap after this, right? TRAVIS: Nah, we’re walking out of this city, miles. MARISHA: Ah fuck. LIAM: I send Frumpkin over to start lapping the blood off of Jester’s face. LAURA: Oh, hi Frumpkin. You’re a little, evil creature that drinks blood! MATT: The crowd begins to go back to their scenarios. Some of them seem confused by the display of joyous hugging afterwards. Some seem to be down with it and are like, “Yeah, this is what it is about!” MARISHA: I take my canteen and clean Jester up and trying to help her out. Now that the adrenaline’s wearing off, I’m feeling a little guilty. LAURA: No, it’s totally fine. I did it to myself. MATT: Sitting on one of the table edges, you see Dweez, the little creepy gnome who you met earlier, who’s like, (breathy laugh). LAURA: I don’t like him. That was creepy. MATT: At this point, a familiar voice kicks up from the back corner, “Friends, come sit. Thank “you for such a fine display of sportsmanship.” TRAVIS: That’s us. Always down for a scrap. MATT: “Apparently.” The Gentleman now sits there. His comfortable attire today comes in a billowing linen, a dark navy blue shirt that frills at the wrists. You can see his rings and jewelry available as his fingers are crossed and partially stapled– steepled in front of him. Not stapled to him. That’s a whole different thing. Ah! Oh god! LAURA: I’m going to use this time talking to him as a short rest. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT and SAM: That’s an hour. LAURA: Well, hopefully– MATT: You spend an hour here, and you’ll be fine. “Thank you for coming so quickly.” TRAVIS: Of course. It didn’t seem like our options above ground were all that plentiful. We were more than anxious to hear what you might offer. MATT: “Rather tenuous times these are, wouldn’t you say? Word is the breach of the Ashguard "Garrison was a massacre, and now the skies there hang dark with ill-magic. I’m glad that’s hundreds "of miles from here, though. Now with the bulk of the military moving east, and the Crownsguard "stretched thin, we should begin bolstering our plots, yes?” TRAVIS: Oh. SAM: What does that mean? MATT: “Well, a distracted empire is an easy empire to bend to our will. Or at least, to not pay "attention to what we’re doing.” TRAVIS: Indeed. I assume it doesn’t mean overthrowing it. More manipulating it to your individual gain. MATT: “Oh, I have no interest in political endeavors. Just the more confused they are, the "better for business.” TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: “I have a few possible jobs here, if you’re interested. I don’t mean to act so quickly, but "word comes to me that you had been summoned to the King’s Hall. I would hate to think I missed the "opportunity to get more work under your wing, before losing you to some unfortunate, state-based "conscription. First order of business, should you be interested.” He leans forwards and sets his “glass a little further from the edge. His voice hushes a bit as he leans in, "I’ve some friends to "the north, whom I’ve been needing to reconnect with. Allies, who would be very profitable "partners in these times. I’m rather strapped for attention, at the moment, and I have a hard time "trusting some of these other louts with detailed missions!” SAM: He means Louis. MATT: “Anyway, if you have any interests–” MARISHA: Fucking Louis. MATT: “Indeed.” You glance back over your shoulder and see Louis at the bar, who’s still dazed and “drinking a giant cup of ale and wiping the blood off of his whole torso. "If you’ve interest in "making coin, doing some interesting work and getting to see most of our beautiful, imperial "countryside, I can go on.” LIAM: Ja, who are these friends of yours up north? MATT: “An old friend of mine, named Ophelia Mardun. She has a base of operations about 350 "miles northeast of here. Past Nogvurot and the Quannah Breach, on the outskirts of Shadycreek "Run. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.” LAURA: Yes, we have, actually. MATT: “A sovereign town, outside of the Dwendalian Empire and outside of the law. That uses the "Savalierwood to keep the Crown at bay. Spoken of as a haven for criminals, thieves, murderers, but "really, it’s home to the truly free entrepreneurs of Wildemount… and criminals, thieves, and "murderers. Now, Ophelia is unable to enact on any partnerships at the moment, as her current "business is tangled up in some of the local riffraff and she’s requested aid in stabilizing "her situation. What I propose, as you’ve already proven yourselves effective problem solvers, "self-starters with enough sense of honor to see a deal through, is for you all to travel northward, "past the Silberquel Ridge to Shadycreek Run to parlay with Ophelia. Help her in absolving her "from her current mire of complications and return with her here to Zadash. For this task completed, "I offer an advance of 500 gold pieces and a purse of 4,500 gold pieces upon returning with Miss "Mardun within the month.” SAM: Question. MATT: “Yes?” SAM: Will she come willingly? MATT: “She will, once you manage to free her from her predicament.” SAM: Oh. LIAM: Complications, predicament, do you have any more specifics than that, perhaps? MATT: “I do not. That is the intent and language she used, when last we had correspondence. I think "the nature of her business, much like ours, is meant to be on an absolutely necessary basis only. "I’m sure once you speak to her, you’ll have better information on that.” TRAVIS: A tantalizing offer. You said you had others? MATT: “I do. If this seems to be beyond your depth, I’d hate to see the coin go to someone "else, but I understand.” LIAM: No, we are interested in more of a buffet, here today. MATT: “Understood. That underground tunnel, that you’ve already visited, happens to be a major "artery for our smuggling business, leading straight up to the Lebenda Swamp. The Lebenda "Swamp is a useful place to lose things or people, until you need to find them. As well as a direct "route to my contacts in Berleben. We’ve been rather worried that no shipments have made their "way south by the river in weeks. After sending your friend up to Berleben last week, it was "discovered that our safe house and storage facility in the swamp has gone dark. One of my "men, as well as a handful of theirs in Berleben, went to investigate and never returned. Now the "swamp-folk are a superstitious lot, an unfortunate facet with working with them.” LAURA: Like swap creatures? MATT: “And the like, I’m sure of it. My contacts in town are refusing to investigate, recounting "howls from the deep swamp. I would need you to head up to Berleben. Locate a fellow named Febron "Keyes, usually hangs around the Keystone Pub in the Puddles. The Puddles is the part of the town "that is, heh, sinking. He’s my point man for shipments, and the only one who knows where our "safe house in the swamp is that hasn’t gone fucking missing. Meet with him, secure the safe "house and its contents, and return to me. Consider a 250 gold piece advance and a purse of 1,750 gold "pieces upon completion. Heck, if you can handle both (laughs) and with timely mind, there might be "a bonus.” LIAM: As a sidebar, should we be worried about our friend that we sent north to that area? MARISHA: Yeah, where’s Horris? MATT: “Oh, he’s in Berleben. He should be fine. This is all based in the swamp.” LAURA: Leading to Berleben. TRAVIS: Could you describe your friend, Vabron? MARISHA, LIAM, and LAURA: Febron Keyes. MATT: “Febron Keyes, (chuckles) he’s memorable. Based by his fairly emanate lack of teeth. His one "wandering left eye. A bit of a skin condition.” TRAVIS: No grill, busted eye. Okay. MARISHA: I just drooled a little. Oh god. MATT: “But he’s good at the work he does.” SAM: What work is that? MATT: “Keeping his mouth shut and knowing where the secrets are and not giving those secrets up. "He’s been pressed for it a few times and has proven to be trustworthy, and I admire that.” TRAVIS: Would we have the same sort of timetable for this mission, a month? MATT: “The sooner the better, as the longer these shipments continues to elude us, the more money "we’re losing. Like I said, a timely manner, there may be a bonus.” TRAVIS: Anything else? MATT: “Those are the two at the moment. If those don’t tickle your fancy, I’m sure we could have "another opportunity in the next week or two. I just would hate to see these go to less qualified "individuals.” TRAVIS: Well, perhaps we’ll partake of some beverages and discuss. MATT: “Of course.” SAM: One more thing though, our other offer was for 10,000 gold. Seems like maybe you could match that just to make it a little bit more equal? MATT: “You mistake this business as some sort of a push for an inherently equal pay, my friend. I "don’t know what business the Crown wishes to offer you, but I can guarantee you it has a ceiling.” LAURA: Okay, well the other side of that was that we would get access to some potions and supplies and stuff. Is this something you can provide to us when we go on missions for you? MATT: Make a persuasion check. LAURA: Natural 20! (cheering) LAURA: I wipe a little blood from my mouth. MARISHA: Super endearing with that black eye. TRAVIS: Anime sparkles. MATT: You’re leaning on one leg a little bit, unintentionally leaning in. TRAVIS: Your one busted eye is wandering. LIAM: Return of the Vex. MATT: “I’m sure we could provide a few supplies. Remember, we try not to dip into our own "contraband, but we could assume that we could provide some things, yes.” LIAM: Does that contraband include high-quality paper and ink? MATT: “We can provide paper and ink, sure.” MARISHA: You know what contraband means, right? LIAM: High-quality paper and ink. TRAVIS: We’ll learn him, it’s all right. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Give us some time to discuss, and we’ll get back to you shortly. MATT: “Of course. Well, drink, be merry. You know where to find me.” TRAVIS: Is there an open booth or– TALIESIN: The darkest. TRAVIS: Yeah, the darkest corner. SAM: Or like a bumper pool table that we can all– MATT: There is that, yeah. It’s more like a shufflepuck thing, with the sand on the side. LIAM: Just Pacman table. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: Galaga. MATT: The darkest table is the one that is tucked right inside the spiral staircase, where you enter. MARISHA: Oh, yeah. MATT: Which normally has somebody sitting there, but at the moment, it looks like they’re getting a drink. If you swipe it now you’ll probably piss somebody off, but you’ll get the table. TALIESIN: I pull the full Riker hop over the chair. (laughter) MATT: As you guys approach, you can see the same muscular, thuggish individual with the tanned skin and the thick bracers around his rough and tumble exterior, begins to approach with a large, fully filled flagon of ale. Who stops, sees that you’re sitting there and grumbles to himself and finds another seat. But you are as private as you can be in this relatively not private space. You have a table. TRAVIS: Well, what do you think? LAURA: I think it sounds like fun. MARISHA: I agree. SAM: Well, Molly, you’ve been talking about getting out of town. TALIESIN: And it is out of town. SAM: It gets us out of town. TALIESIN: It’s almost perfectly out of town. I’ve always wanted to go to Deadwood. MARISHA: We’ve already– yeah. How awesome does that place sound? LAURA: Shadygrove? MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: The shitty swamp? TRAVIS: Shadycreek Run. LAURA: No, Shadycreek. Well that would be probably the second one, right? MARISHA: After, yeah. TALIESIN: I am feeling greedy. LAURA: How do you feel about it, Yasha? ASHLEY: I am along for the ride. TRAVIS: You have no preference? ASHLEY: I mean, I’m up for all of it, you know? Whatever you guys decide. TRAVIS: Any preference to water versus, perhaps, an abundance of dry ground? TALIESIN: Versus both. LAURA: Well, I mean, we’re all leaning more towards this than going to the Menagerie Coast for the Empire right? TALIESIN: Yeah, it does sound like fun. MARISHA: Yeah, I don’t like contracts. We already gave our blood to this guy. TALIESIN: We’re already in. LAURA: That is as contract-y as contract gets. MARISHA: Exactly. TRAVIS: Plus, if this is as aggressive as they say it is, an attack on the border, I’m sure that legionnaire’s job will be there when we return anyway. Price might have increased. MARISHA: Yeah. Seems like the Empire has enough money to just throw at problems. I don’t think that’s going to change. Yeah. TRAVIS: Better to bet on the underbelly rising up than the top maintaining what it has. SAM: Also, this way gets us to go straight through Hupperdook. LAURA: (gasps) It does! We can stop by Hupperdook! SAM: I’m just saying. TRAVIS: Remind me what’s in Hupperdook? LAURA: I have no idea! SAM: It’s like a cool name for a town. LAURA: I imagine that all of the buildings look like mushrooms. MARISHA: They’ve got a wax museum. Largest ball of twine. TRAVIS: Hupperdook? SAM: Hupperdook! MATT: The Branson of Wildemount. MARISHA: The Branson of Wildemount, yeah. I hope it is! TRAVIS: Okay, definitely stopping in Hupperdook. SAM: They’ve got a soft serve place there. It’ll be great. TRAVIS: So we’re going to take that shady underground river out. LAURA: Yes. We have to be careful of those monsters that came out of the– SAM: We know those monsters, though. I took care of all those traps. Could someone remind me, because when The Gentleman looks at me I get a little bit– yeah, you know, flippity-flee? TRAVIS: Turned on? MARISHA: Yeah, that’s it. Like into it. TRAVIS: Are you crushing on him? SAM: No, the sweat thing bothers me. LAURA: It’s not sweat. I think it’s– SAM: I think it’s sweat. LAURA: I’m going to peek around and look at the Gentleman. MATT: Okay. He’s back at the far table. He’s currently drinking and it looks like he has a small book of some kind that he’s thumbing through. SAM and LAURA: Is he moist? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Are you? TRAVIS: How many of us are uncomfortable hearing that word? LIAM: All of us. LAURA: Eight. MATT: In this low light, it’s hard to see. But when you were speaking to him earlier there was a layer of general moisture across his skin. LAURA: What kind of shirt is he wearing? MATT: The shirt he’s wearing now is a navy blue, linen, billowy shirt, open in the chest a bit, you can see a bit of his chest hair and frilled at the sleeves. LAURA: The thing is if he was sweaty, then why would he be wearing long sleeves? SAM: To hide all the sweat stains on his undershirt? I don’t know! It’s just weird, right? Like he’s always sweating? LAURA: He doesn’t look like he’s warm, though. Normally when people are sweaty they’re going like this: (breathing heavily) SAM: That’s true. LAURA: You know? SAM: Yes. Anyway, I missed the whole part about the swamp. What’s that mission again? What do we have to do? LAURA: We go in, we try to find Fabron Keyes and secure the safehouse in the swamp and there’s howling there so probably wolves or something. SAM: But wait– find the safehouse and do what to it? LAURA: Secure it and come back and tell him where it is– SAM: Secure it? TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s gone dark, right? So either remove whatever’s in there and get it back up and running again. LIAM: And hey, DM, knowing the Empire, how direct a route is it from Fabron Keyess area, Berleben to Shadycreek Run? MATT: You have a map for that. MARISHA: There’s a map for that. TALIESIN: I’ll get it. SAM: Straight shot. LIAM: We have to go around some mountains right? MATT: You have to go around the Silberquel Ridge. TALIESIN: Oh, that’s up there. LAURA: Yeah, so we need to go to Berleben or we need to go to the swamp, come back here and then go. MARISHA: You have a printout? LIAM: Yeah. MARISHA: I don’t have a printout. SAM: Yeah, I’m special. Nott has a dot matrix printer. LIAM: (printer noises) TRAVIS: That’s a pretty good printer. LIAM: Berleben. Hupperdook is over here– SAM: Oh, yes it is. MARISHA: And where are we? LIAM: We’re down there. SAM: Jester, do you think people who live in Hupperdook are called Dookies? TALIESIN: Huppers. SAM: Or Huppers? MARISHA: Oh is it this the Zubenda Swamp? Is that what it is? MATT: Lebenda Swamp. LAURA: I think we should call them Dookies. SAM: We should call them Dookies, for sure. LIAM: And Shadycreek Run was what area again, did you say? MATT: Quannah Breach. Northeast of Nogvurot. MARISHA: Northeast of what? LIAM: Quannah Breach. There it is. We’re very close to Berleben and then it seems like quite a– MARISHA: A trek. LIAM: Stray, yeah, a trek to– MARISHA: We’ll have to go here, come back, and then go again. Also, if we’re going to go through Berleben anyway, we might as well check in on Horris. TRAVIS: Why? MARISHA: To make sure he’s, like, alive? LAURA: What are we going to do if he’s not? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Not tell anyone. TRAVIS: Yeah. LAURA: Exactly. Wouldn’t it be better if we just don’t know? MARISHA: Schrödinger’s Horris? TRAVIS: Yeah, we’ve held up our part of the bargain. MARISHA: All right. SAM: If I may, Yasha? We’re going to be really close to your old, you know, place where you lived? ASHLEY: May I see the map just to make sure? SAM: Yes. LIAM: Xhorhas is over there. SAM: Xhorhas isn’t just here. Xhorhas goes all the way up here. ASHLEY: It’s pretty big, but I mean, I’m from the south, anyway. MATT: Actually, northward is not Xhorhas, technically. Just east. LAURA: The Greying Wildlands are in the north. MATT: Yes, the Greying Wildlands are in the north. SAM: Oh, it’s the Greying Wildlands. Oh. LIAM: If there is a chance to look in on Horris, if it is easy, if it doesn’t put us out, you know? If it’s put right in front of us. TRAVIS: Yeah, if he’s there. I just don’t want to go out of our way looking for him and all of a sudden have the guilt of, you know. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s true. I hate guilt. TRAVIS: I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like our efforts here in the city. I think we’ve done good. MARISHA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Hard to keep track of parties outside of our purview. LIAM: I am over Zadash. TRAVIS: Yeah. Just over it, huh? Plus, it’ll give us time to leave? Maybe things will change by the time we come back? Or maybe not. We’ll see. Never know what happens outside. MARISHA: So we’re going to take them all? Hop on both of his offers, I think? LIAM: Well, quite frankly, I am a little more comfortable in Quannah Breach anyway. TRAVIS: Oh, really? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: You’re more nomadic? LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Okay. MARISHA: Let’s do it! TRAVIS: Let’s do it, yeah. We’ll pound our drinks; keep them away from Beau because she’ll drink all of them. LAURA: I just want to make sure we’re here for a full hour, though. I’m going to drink slowly. TALIESIN: I can use a little– yeah. LAURA: I’m going to sip it. TRAVIS: All right. MARISHA: The exhaustion point lasts until you take a long rest. MATT: You don’t get an exhaustion point, you just become stunned for a round. LIAM: For a round, it’s gone. MARISHA: For the Haste? MATT: Yeah. You’re fine. LIAM: It’s just a pain in the ass in combat, not in out of combat. MARISHA: Oh! Once it wears off you’re like– LAURA: I thought you get a point of exhaustion after Haste. LIAM: No. MATT: No. It just stuns you for one round. Which in combat is really bad. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: We’ll leave Molly and Jester here to nurse their drinks and their short rests and we’ll go back up and speak to the Gentleman. No? SAM: Yes, of course. I’ll come with you, Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah. Anybody that’s not nursing a short rest. MARISHA: I’m nursing a short rest. ASHLEY: I’ll go with you. LIAM: Yeah, I will as well. TALIESIN: Are you going to be able to heal enough to– LAURA: Am I going to be able to heal enough what? TALIESIN: For going down river. Or, well, I suppose it’s going to be– LAURA: I’ll just use the one little spell. MARISHA: We’ll be all right. TALIESIN: Oh, that’s, well– your hit points. TRAVIS: Is Sorad the female goliath? MATT: Oh. Sorah. TRAVIS: Sorah. Is she present in the tavern at the moment? MATT: She is. She’s not right by the Gentleman. She’s actually sitting at the table in the– or sitting at the bar 15 feet away from him, but she’s always in his direction. She’s perpetually hawking his presence and ensuring that nobody tries anything funny and that she can get there quickly if she needs to. TRAVIS: Nice. I will approach. MARISHA: That’s cool. MATT: He’s in the process of thumbing through a small book. He’s finishing a sip from his goblet and watches you push. “Ah. That was quicker than I anticipated.” TRAVIS: Indeed. We have good news. We have decided to take you up on your offer. MATT: “Which one?” TRAVIS: The Lebenda Swamp. LAURA: All of it. TRAVIS: The Lebenda Swamp is what we’ve decided to take you up on. MATT: “Very well. And you’re not choosing the Shadycreek Run?” SAM: Well, will you be reassigning it very quickly if we don’t take it? MATT: “I need it to be taken care of so if you won’t do it I’ll find somebody else who can.” LAURA: Hmm-mm. MATT: “Time is of the essence here.” SAM: That’s the Lebenda one? TRAVIS: Oh. I thought we were doing the beginner’s course? LAURA: We’re going to do that one and then the other one! We’ll say yes to both. TRAVIS: Oh, we’re doing both? LIAM: Well, we’ll hope we can do both. Can we do both? MATT: “You can indeed. If you do both, I’ll be happy to reward you with something nice at the end "of it because that’s quite a feat.” TRAVIS: Apparently our ambition has no limit. Both it is. (laughter) TRAVIS: Fucking… MATT: “Very well. Well, I’m happy to know we’re doing business together once more. I would "recommend, if you’re heading to Berleben and Lebenda Swamp to take the Bromkiln Byway. We do "have the river, but one, you have quite a number of individuals that aren’t the most quiet, and "there are certain things that exist throughout that 70-ish mile journey you’d be taking underground.” TRAVIS: By water or also on foot? MATT: “Either way, it’s still 70 miles to Berleben. That’s a long journey to take "underground if you are–” LAURA: Not quiet? MATT: “Not quiet and inconspicuous. Our smuggling run usually goes in groups of two to three at most "to keep it quick and unseen.” LIAM: When you say “underground,” are you speaking metaphorically, or do you literally have a way underground to get there? MATT: “You’ve already been there.” LIAM: The river goes that far? MATT: “Yes.” LAURA: The passage that we were in. LIAM: Yeah, we took that for an hour, not 70 miles. MATT: “Which is why I’m saying, if you choose to otherwise, that’s up to you, but I would recommend "taking above ground on the Bromkiln Byway. It’s a well-carried road. It sees a lot of foot traffic, "shouldn’t be that dangerous, and it’s nearly a straight shot to the swamp.” SAM: It sounds like it’s going to be no sweat. We’ll stay high and dry. LIAM: What would we have to be wary of in the river? MATT: “Whatever decides to take up residence down there.” TRAVIS: Do we still have the cart, and the two horses? TALIESIN: Of course we have the cart and the two horses, yeah. We have the cart, at least. MATT: You have five horses, if I recall. TALIESIN: We have horses. Horses for days. SAM: Crapper, Shitter, W.C., Toilet, John. MARISHA: I wrote them down. TRAVIS: We’re unfortunately a little short on transportation. We could use a few horses. MATT: “Seeing as how you’re accepting both, that would put you in the business of acquiring the "advance from both, so that would be– Dweez! Please retrieve the advances. 750.” There’s a brief break before you hear the familiar chuckling, and three large sacks are put up onto the table. “750 gold. The advances for both missions.” TRAVIS: Outstanding. Jester did have an excellent question. We’ll need certain remedies, especially near the water. Anything that you can provide that might put us in an advantageous position would be most appreciated. MATT: “Dweez, gather what we can spare from the supply cabinet, please.” He wanders off for a moment, and comes back with two small, over-the-shoulder satchels. He sets them on the table. (chuckling) Opens the little lids for them and pushes them forward. You watch as one of them falls forward and clattering out a few inches or so, some vials in there. “The one on the right "should be able to tend to any wounds you sustain along the journey. The one on the left can aid "you, should you find yourself pricked with some terrible disease.” LAURA: Poison and healing, got it. MATT: “Disease, not poison. Unfortunately, we have not that.” SAM: One of each. MATT: Two vials in one of healing. They’re both of greater healing. The other one is cure disease. LIAM: Paper and ink? MATT: “We can provide you with paper and ink, should you be so interested. Dweez?” MARISHA: Didn’t you buy a fuckton of paper and ink? You’ve used it all? LIAM: I’ve used it. TRAVIS: Do you know what is also as valuable as resources, is knowledge. In this swamp area, are there any particular hazards that we should keep an eye out for that your men have seen repetitively? MATT: “None that I’ve cared to remember. That would be more of a question to my ally there, if "you don’t mind. Speak with Febron. He is very familiar with the area and can give you the "information you seek.” TRAVIS: I wouldn’t presume to be as lucky as to have Louis have tried this mission before and fucked it up as well, has he? MATT: “No, I would not ensure such a mission to him.” He glances past you, in the far corner you can see him now leaning over the bar, two full cups in, starting to get a little dazed on the stool. TRAVIS: Hey, Louis! Fuck you! MATT: His hand does this. TRAVIS: Yep, he’s a winner. LAURA: You will get 107 gold. MATT: “Anything else you require?” SAM: No. This has really whet our appetite. TRAVIS: Swamp pun? LIAM: Sure. SAM: I just can’t stop staring at his face, it’s soaking wet! Sorry. MATT: “Anyway, if our business is complete. I appreciate your patronage, I look forward to our "continued partnership, and I wish you all the luck.” LAURA: Thank you. MATT: “Thank you.” SAM: Don’t sweat the small stuff. TRAVIS: Fucking shit. LIAM: Caleb hangs back all by himself and says: (stuttering) Paper and ink? MATT: Dweez comes up from behind a moment later with a stack of regular parchment and ink. He hands it over. It does not look like it would be the necessary enchanted or prepared inks that you could use to scribe spells per se, but it’s parchment and ink. LIAM: Ja, danke. Okay. TRAVIS: This is very exciting, two missions at once. LAURA: Well one and then– Oh, I run back to The Gentleman. Should we come back here after the first part or should we continue on and take care of them both and then come tell you? MATT: “That’s up to you, I can’t pay you unless you come back, but if you complete them both, and "do so in ample time, I’ll be happy to pay you when you return from both. Just send word, if you "could, upon clearing our safehouse.” LAURA: That way you know we did it timely and we can get that bonus part. MATT: “Precisely.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “All right. Thank you very much. Good luck.” SAM: Just going to leave a handkerchief. Just in case. MATT: He just glares at you. Glowering at Nott as you all step away from his corner of the chamber. TRAVIS: Well, it’s still a really good time in the day we should go ahead and make preparations. Make our way back up? TALIESIN: We’re already ready to leave at a moment’s notice. LAURA: Yeah, we already packed our rooms up. SAM: There’s nothing at Pumat’s anymore. LAURA: No more Pumat’s. MATT: You’ve almost cleared out– Between you and other patrons in the recent weeks, they’ve cleared him out. It’s not an endless emporium. TRAVIS: As we pass that big ogre on the way out I say: Kutha, keep it real, all right? MATT: As you do that, he turns around and a hand slaps onto your shoulder, the finger and thumb of it go from the front of your chest to your small back as it grapples you and spins you around and goes (grunts) and then releases you. TRAVIS: That’s a big hand. LAURA: As I leave, I flick the Wand of Smiles at him again. TRAVIS: Fucking Kutha can’t catch a break. MATT: Four. (laughter) MATT: As he peels his large mitt off of Fjord’s body and grunts, he turns to the rest of the chamber. SAM: Here it is. (laughter and pained yelling) MATT: He starts pulling at his jaw. It’s almost like getting a charlie horse where you can’t stop the muscles and he tries to stop it. ASHLEY: The Wand of Smiles. LAURA: Now I feel guilty. MATT: Eh, he probably deserved it. You guys ascend the stairs back into the main front of The Evening Nip, and the rest of the afternoon is yours. What would you like to do? TRAVIS: I mean, we can head over to the cart and horses. ASHLEY: Should we just get that started, and we’ll go? LIAM: I am going to run over to Pumat’s to buy some paper and ink. TRAVIS: More? LIAM: I’m gone. MATT: Okay, Caleb is just– MARISHA: I join Caleb, because I went pee last time when you guys went to go to Pumat’s. TRAVIS: Okay, there’s nothing there. LAURA: It’s cleared out. MATT: Well, there’s some things. TRAVIS: But you can finally kill him if you want to. (laughter) MARISHA: Ah, shit there are four more! MATT: Massacre in downtown Zadash this afternoon. TRAVIS: As you run off I say: Meet us at the cart and horses. MARISHA: All right. Super fast. MATT: As you guys charge over to the Pentamarket, you make your way to the exterior of The Invulnerable Vagrant. Stepping inside, there is a rather chill, customer-less interior, as two of the regular Pumats sit at the front. As you step into the chamber, “Oh you’re back so soon. I "figured you had completed all your intended means of purchasing.” LIAM: Ja. This is a quick stop, I don’t want to take up too much of your time and we don’t have much. We have a busy day planned. I was wondering if you had, perhaps, maybe 100 gold’s worth more of that good paper and ink that you have supplied me with already. MATT: “I can go ahead and look. You’re starting to really diminish our stockpile.” LIAM: Oh, ja, I am sorry. Also, I am in need of maybe 20-30 gold’s worth of fine incense, if you have that as well. MATT: “That I’m pretty sure we can supply, is that right? You checking the back? "I know it was there yesterday, we got plenty of incense. Don’t worry, we got you covered.” He comes back in with two sacks of very strong, pungent smelling, incense that, when burning, has a more pleasant scent. These have been treated specifically for rituals and various arcane means. You get 30 gold worth of incense at your disposal, and the 100 gold worth of enchanted inks and scribing materials and paper that you can utilize to make those notes and transition it into a spellbook. LIAM: Is there anything that you wanted to purchase while we are here? MARISHA: A little birdy told me there might be bracers here? MATT: “That’s one of the few items we have left. Yeah. I apologize, it’s a little embarrassing, "we’ve all been talking about how it’s really embarrassing. "It’s hard to have a shop without inventory.” MARISHA: Bracers? MATT: “Oh, yeah. Right over here.” Goes and pulls one of the boxes from the shelves. It has a glass top and he presents it to you. There’s a velvet interior with two little alcoves inside where these very beautiful, silver bracers with scrolling and runic sigils carved into it across the band are present, “These would make a better defensive capability for someone who does not "themselves partake in the use of armor.” MARISHA: Oh. I don’t partake in the use of armor. MATT: “Well, that sounds like it’s meant to be.” MARISHA: Uh-huh. How much? MATT: “1200 gold pieces.” MARISHA: Holy shit, Pumat! The fuck?! MATT: “What?” MARISHA: I’ll come back when I’m fucking rich, aight? MATT: “Okay, they’ll be here waiting for you.” MARISHA: All right. LIAM: Holy shit, Pumats. MARISHA: Holy shit, Pumats. MATT: “Thank you.” “Thank you.” “Thank you.” “Thank you.” MARISHA: I don’t have fucking 1200 gold. TRAVIS: I do. MARISHA: How do you have 1200 gold? LIAM: You don’t want to know how much I have. MATT: “I apologize, didn’t mean to send you into an existential financial crisis. But it’s a really "powerful enchantment and–” MARISHA: I’m always in an existential crisis. I’m going to go now. MATT: “Fair enough. Okay well, Pumat Prime worked very hard on those. When you come back to get them "I think you’ll be very happy with amount that you’ve spent to keep yourself alive.” LIAM: We are very appreciative and I don’t know if you have already, but you should look into some sort of membership card or frequent customer points. MARISHA: Stamp punch. MATT: “I’ll go ahead and bring it up with the big guy himself.” MARISHA: Ten visits. TALIESIN: Nine potions, the tenth one’s free. MATT: “Fantastic.” LIAM: Thousand gold’s worth of paper and the 11th ream is free. We’ll go now. MATT: “Yeah. Okay, thank you.” MARISHA: We go. Very quickly. Bolt over to the cart. MATT: You guys hastily make your way to the cart. LIAM: You know that little boost you had back there in your fist fight with the blue one? You’re welcome. MARISHA: Did you fucking slip something into my drink, Caleb? What the fuck, man? LIAM: I cast– That was arc– That was a spell. MARISHA: Oh. Dude, that shit was awesome. Yeah, I was into it. LIAM: You scratch my back, I will scratch yours. MARISHA: All right. LIAM: The others are on a mission, let’s go. MATT: The rest of you guys gather the carts and the horses you have at your disposal. Prepared yourself for exit from the town. Eventually Caleb and Beauregard catch up to the rest of you. What would you like to do? TRAVIS: Who’s riding on the cart first? ASHLEY: I don’t need to. I’d feel weird. SAM: Are you just going to walk? LAURA: We have horses, you can ride a horse. ASHLEY: Well yeah, I’ll ride a horse. TRAVIS: Yeah, we got like five horses and a cart. Two horses pulling the cart? Or two and three solos? MARISHA: Who is good to be lookout while the others? SAM: Do four horses pulling the cart and two solo? LAURA: Two horses pulling the cart. TRAVIS: How many horses do we have? SAM: Six. We have six horses. LAURA: Five. SAM: We have six horses. LAURA: We have six horses?! SAM: Yes. Only five of them have names. We never came up with a name for the sixth horse. LAURA: I’ll drive the cart. LIAM: Loaf. How about Loaf? SAM: Loaf is a good name. We have: WC, Lou, John, Crapper, Toilet, and Loaf. TRAVIS: Okay. Two horses pulling the cart, and four solos? MARISHA: Jester said she’s riding in the cart. LAURA: I’ll drive the cart. TRAVIS: Who else wants to be on the cart? LIAM: I want to be on the cart. SAM: I want it as well. TRAVIS: Okay. TALIESIN: I’ll take Water-Closet. TRAVIS: What? MARISHA: I’ll take Loaf. TALIESIN: W.C. SAM: That’s the name of the horse. TRAVIS: That’s right, sorry. I’ll take a horse as well. ASHLEY: I’ll take a horse as well, because you guys are all in the cart, yeah? LIAM: Yasha, will you hold this for me? I put Frumpkin on her shoulder and start transcribing. ASHLEY: (sneezes) MARISHA: Oh god! SAM: Oh no! TRAVIS: Keep that demon cat away from me. El gato es el diablo, all right? ASHLEY: I give him a pet. But is it real? I don’t understand because sometimes it just poofs, you know? LIAM: It is a real cat. ASHLEY: I am not trying to make you upset or anything, just sometimes it goes away then it comes back. I’m confused. LIAM: Frumpkin can be here or Frumpkin can be there, and right now he is here. ASHLEY: Can I touch him? LIAM: He would like you to touch him, yeah. But respectfully. LAURA: When someone kicks him and he poofs, does he automatically go to the other place or does he die for a little bit and come back? LIAM: No, I think it’s pretty instantaneous and honestly I am so glad to have him, but I think that it is probably nicer on the other side. Does your mother ever read stories about the Feywild and sprites and blumpkins? That’s not the word. LAURA: My mother never did, but the Traveler told me lots of stories. LIAM: Of the Feywild? LAURA: Of everywhere. TRAVIS: The Feywild? Is it like another city? LIAM: It’s another plane of existence that is a mirror slightly off of our own. With us, but apart from us at all times. LAURA: There’s faeries, and that is how the unicorns get over here. TRAVIS: One thing at a time. ASHLEY: He’s making a very strange noise right now. TRAVIS: What’s it sound like? ASHLEY: (purring) LIAM: That means he likes you. SAM: Did you not have cat where you grew up? ASHLEY: No, I have heard of cats, but Frumpkin is one of the first. SAM: Did they have dogs? TRAVIS: Only rats that they ate. ASHLEY: That’s true, we have lots of rats. We have many creatures. LAURA: Do you have wolves? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: What did you keep as pets? ASHLEY: We didn’t really have any. MARISHA: You didn’t have any pets? ASHLEY: No. MARISHA: Oh. ASHLEY: But I like him. LIAM: I tell Frumpkin to nestle in and he starts doing that thing where they claw their way in when they’re getting cozy. It hurts, but it’s also lovable at the same time. MARISHA: Making biscuits! MATT: Roll for kitty biscuits. TRAVIS: Pure death. Fucking anaphylactic shock. LIAM: Then I stop talking to everybody and I start transcribing things. TRAVIS: I guess I’ll take the lead and we’ll make our way out the city. Heading northeast, right? TALIESIN: North. MARISHA and LAURA: To the Swamp! TRAVIS: To the Bronchial Byway. MATT: The Bromkiln, yeah. The Bronchial Byway, the life breath of the land. MARISHA: We ruin everything Matt creates. LIAM: Sometimes you do make them bulletproof and we get mad. But most of the time, we can crack the code. MATT: I enjoy it, and I’m sure every Dungeon Master out there who watches knows exactly how I feel when it happens. You gather your things up into the cart, the horses begin to push off and you make your way through the city streets of Zadash to the Northern Wall. You can still see some of the townsfolk coming out and going about their day, but the general air of tension and nervousness still holds court throughout the city’s streets. There are clusters of crownsguard. They’re escorting the Righteous Brand to the eastern side. You make your way to the northern side of the city where the Signet Wall district begins where you have the large fortresses, where the military stays, and the barracks that surround that region. To the large gate that exits the building out into the rest of the Marrow Valley. As you make it through the large, raised portcullis, along with a few other folks that are in the process of making their own journey into the north or to the west or to the east, you step out onto the dirt road, into the green blowing fields, the cold breeze that’s blowing beneath the graying skies of Wildemount and you push off. Being here for a while, it seems strange, but also welcoming to be back on the open road for a moment. You glance around and take a deep breath as that clean post-rain air still seems to linger in the vicinity. As you make a sweep on the horizon, with the rolling hills and patches of trees, catch your vision off to the far east on the outside of the Signet Wall district, you see hundreds if not thousands of soldiers, all gathered and making their way east in small troops. Here the mainstay source, the bulk of military power in the center of the Empire makes its way to war. You see horses, siege engines, and large ballista on wheels all being carried and prepared for the journey to the borders of Xhorhas and beyond. With that, you pick up and continue northward, making your way long the Amber Road, towards to where the Bromkiln Byway carves off to your destination. First, I want to ask you guys: what pace are you travelling at? You can go slow pace if you try to be super stealthy. Normal pace is fine. Fast pace you go quickly, but you threaten exhaustion if you continue to push that way. TRAVIS: I think we’ll go at a regular pace until we get to the Bromkiln Byway. At the Amber Road, we should be all right. MATT: You’re looking at about a 75-mile journey. With the cart and the horses, you’re looking at about 30 miles a day at a normal pace. You’re probably looking at two nights’ stay on the road before you reach your destination. LAURA and MARISHA: Okay. MATT: You guys push forward and watch as, behind you, the large, looming walls and towers and buildings of Zadash that had been your home for weeks disappear slowly behind you. Once again, you’re embraced by the wilds and open landscapes of the valley. You take a moment to reflect upon the insanity and craziness of the urban atmosphere and the peace, as well as the unknown, that comes with traversing such an open plain. I’d say you have maybe a few hours before the sun sets. Right as you hit the intersection between the Amber Road and the Bromkiln Byway, the sun has set. The sky is dark; the clouds prevent starlight from coming through, and what moonlight would be visible is choked, giving you only the faint glimmer of the moon’s location behind the cloud cover. What would you like to do? SAM: It’s nighttime now? MATT: It is. LAURA: I bet someone’s going to try to jump out at us. SAM: We should not let them do that. LAURA: They do that to people that are on the open road. SAM: Why would you tell me that? Now I’m very scared! TRAVIS: Are there any tree clusters or rock clusters or boulders or anything that provides shelter? MATT: At your current location? Make a perception check with disadvantage because it is nighttime. TRAVIS: I’m the wrong person to be doing this. TALIESIN: I was going to say I was hoping to find the same thing. MARISHA: I put on the goggles. MATT: Then you can both make individual rolls, or one of you can aid the other. TRAVIS: I’ll aid you. MATT: You take your advantage on your roll. TALIESIN: Nope. That was a two with advantage. MARISHA: What did you roll, a one and a two? TALIESIN: A two and a one. LAURA: That’s really shit. MATT: As the night has fallen and you spend the better part of the next hour trying to look for any physical representation of safety or cover, it is just open rolling hills and field. There might be places where you could stay low and perhaps keep relatively safe, but nothing that sticks out to you, unfortunately. What do you plan to do? LAURA: We should probably pull over or something and look around and see. TRAVIS: Just off the road is fine. At this point, I’d like to see the road as well. That way we can see anyone coming. MARISHA: Can I go ahead and light a torch, see if I can start a fire? Gather some wood? MATT: Which is a good thing because it gets cold at night out here. SAM: Did we bring any warm clothes? LIAM: We’re going north. SAM: We’re the worst. MATT: It’ll only get colder the further north you go. Even at night here– most mornings in Wildemount, at least this area of Wildemount, all the grass is frosted, the windows are frosted. Few moisture survives the evening without some sort of frozen state. As the temperature begins to plummet continuously after sunset, you begin to find a place to set up camp for the evening. Beau takes the torch, ignites it, and sets a small fire. You begin to set up a small circle and maintain warmth by taking what bits of– and it’s very sparse vegetation. If you want to check for anything to keep the fire going, roll a survival check. MARISHA: Not great, ten. MATT: You manage to get some brush gathered, you’re probably not going to be able to keep the fire going all night. LIAM: I donate the paper that The Gentleman gave me. LAURA: That’s a fast burn, that’s not going to last very long. TRAVIS: I have a torch as well. TALIESIN: I’ve got a torch. MATT: Let’s say if you throw in three torches, that’ll keep a modicum of the flame going through the night. Not the most heat, but it’ll be enough to prevent you from dealing with the biting cold as you rest through the night. TRAVIS: I’ll throw in two, Molly. LAURA: We could camp on top of the cart because we won’t be on the ground, it’s warmer on there. MARISHA: That’s true, park the cart next to the fire. MATT: Who’s taking watch? LIAM: I’m taking this silver thread and making a 20-foot cube around the cart. TRAVIS: I’ll take first watch. LAURA: I’ll take first watch with him. MATT: As the rest of you manage to find yourself asleep for the evening, Jester and Fjord take the first watch. Do you wish to make a perception check? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: Which one of you is helming? TRAVIS: My perception’s shit. How’s yours? LAURA: It’s not awesome, but it’s not horrible. TALIESIN: For this group, that’s pretty good. TRAVIS: I’ll aid you, how about that? LAURA: I’m helm. MATT: Advantage. LAURA: Oh, goddamn it. 13. MATT: Keeping an eye out there, other than a couple bits of whistling wind that blow through in segments, you don’t pick up anything shifty, and your watch comes to a close without issue. LAURA: That was an easy watch, then! TRAVIS: Yep. MATT: Next watch? ASHLEY: I’ll take second watch. MARISHA: I’ll take second watch as well. (laughter) LIAM: Perception check at disadvantage. MATT: Who’s helming perception check on this? MARISHA: How’s your perception? ASHLEY: Plus two. MARISHA: I have plus three. ASHLEY: You do it. MATT: So you’re aiding. Technically, because it’s night, it would be a straight roll. MARISHA: No, she’s advantaging me. MATT: The goggles are only a radius. This is a general awareness, so it’s just a single roll. You’re helping her to maintain. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil, and 14. MATT: Keeping your senses around you and looking about, the watch seems to go through, uneventful. MARISHA: Want to huddle together for body warmth? ASHLEY: Sure, but Frumpkin is making me so warm. MARISHA: Yeah, no, I’m good. ASHLEY: I have a very warm shawl, too, but do you want my–? MARISHA: No, my robe is good. It’s thin, but it’s high thread count. It’s very good. ASHLEY: This is as far as I’ve ever been, you know? MARISHA: In terms of? SAM: (whispered) Romantically. ASHLEY: Here, I’ve only been to Xhorhas and Zadash. MARISHA: How long since you left Xhorhas? Did you grow up there? That’s a better question, take that one. ASHLEY: I did grow up in Xhorhas. I did grow up there, but I left there, I think it was about– SAM: (whispered) Eight months ago. ASHLEY: I think it was about eight months ago, yeah, from what I can remember. All of this is still very new, you know? I like this stuff, grass and things, you know? MARISHA: You appreciate grass? ASHLEY: I think so, it’s a much softer ground to sit on, you know? Instead of a marshy, sandy– MARISHA: Wow, yeah? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Uh-huh. What was your favorite part about Zadash? Xhorhas? ASHLEY: I don’t know if I had a favorite part. MARISHA: Is it that bad? ASHLEY: I mean, it’s all I know, but it’s probably not the best place to grow up, now that I’m seeing everything else, you know? I think, sometimes I wish maybe it was a little different. MARISHA: Do you still have that “This is home” connection with it though? No? ASHLEY: Yes. I think I will always have that. MARISHA: That’s nice. ASHLEY: Well. MARISHA: I hope to see it someday. ASHLEY: I don’t know if you’re going to be that impressed by it, but maybe you’ll like it. MARISHA: You can see your breath (exhales). ASHLEY: Yeah. Well, I wonder, I mean, I wonder if anyone else– I think, is our time up, or–? MARISHA: I think so. (laughter) TRAVIS: That was such church youth trip flirting! MATT: I know. SAM: Great first date. MATT: With that, your watch comes uneventful. LIAM: God’s really cool, right? Right, right. MATT: Third and final watch. SAM: Me and Caleb. Me and Molly, I guess. I’m on third watch. TALIESIN: I’ll take third watch. MATT: Nott and Molly. Who’s helming this one? TALIESIN: What’s your– your perception’s probably high as balls. SAM: You don’t know! TALIESIN: Yeah, you take it. MATT: Advantage on yours. Actually, it would have been the first one. I started to realize, it’s advantage, but disadvantage because it’s night. SAM: Oh, ten. Why is it disadvantage? TRAVIS: Because it’s night. MATT: As you guys get part way through your watch, conversing, muttering about the recent events, the sun comes up, uneventful. TALIESIN: Should’ve put money on Beau. Kicking myself for not putting money on Beau. SAM: If it makes you feel any better, I lost money on Jester on the next one. TALIESIN: It does actually make me feel better, thank you! LAURA: What, you guys? I was at a disadvantage! TALIESIN: You’re not there, you can’t hear any of this. LAURA: We’re all camping together! TALIESIN: You’re asleep. LAURA: Oh, you guys are still on your watch. TALIESIN: Although that would be what I would imagine Jester saying. MARISHA: That was just an impression. TALIESIN: (as Jester) Guys, it’s so crazy, you know? (as Taliesin) That was terrible. MARISHA: Wait, she’s like Luigi? (as Luigi) It’s a-crazy! LIAM: Wild and crazy guys! MATT: (as Luigi) Let’s-a go. (as Matt) With that, morning comes. Without the necessary heat, the fire, the torch, goes out, and right as the frost begins to cause you to shake yourself awake, the morning comes, melting the dew, and you are prepped up on your cart and ready for the next length of your journey. LAURA: It’s so brisk and wonderful. LIAM: That was the best sleep I have had in a long time. LAURA: Do you think The Gentleman wakes up with frost on his face or his whole body? SAM: Probably! Unless he mops himself down at night. LAURA: I wonder if he has to crack himself. SAM: Wait, think about his sheets! What a disaster his sheets must be! LAURA: He has to wash them every night. They would be so gross. TRAVIS: Like when you get a sunburn and you wake up, and they’re fucking sticking to you and stuff? It sucks. MARISHA: You’re a little dewy, and you don’t know why? TRAVIS: You’ve got to rip them off, just one big one. LAURA: Hey Nott, do you think we’re going to go by your hometown when we’re driving up here? SAM: No, my hometown is further to the south, it’s the opposite direction. LAURA: Oh really? SAM: Yes. But there is no hometown. We travel around a lot, we have an area of operation, but never really called one place home. LAURA: So you’re nomadic. Do you have little huts you put up as camping tents? SAM: Yeah, there’s tents, and some people sleep in bags or huddle together. Whatever we can find, really, leaves. LAURA: Did you like that? SAM: No, it’s terrible. Would you like that? LAURA: I don’t know, I’ve never tried it! SAM: No, it’s not fun at all. You find whatever piece of cloth you can and wrap yourself in it and some mud and that’s your bed. It’s terrible. LAURA: Is that why you left? SAM: That and many other things, yes. Have you ever seen a goblin before? LAURA: I saw you. SAM: Yes. Well, have you seen any others? LAURA: No. SAM: Have you heard stories of them? LAURA: I could tell you, but I feel like it’s offensive or something. SAM: I mean, you can tell me. There’s no love there. Everything you’ve heard about goblins is true. They’re awful in every way. LAURA: Well, my mom used to tell me that if you act up too much, the goblins will come in the middle of the night and steal you away. LIAM: My father used to tell me that they would steal children. Ja. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: All right, so that’s true. But it doesn’t really matter if you’re good or bad; we will come and steal you if you are a child, anyway. LAURA: And would you eat? Because my mom said you would eat them! SAM: Take it easy. We would share with the rest of the clan. But of course we would eat children. TRAVIS: Is she telling the truth? Do I feel like she’s telling the truth? LIAM: Excuse me, Nott, are you taking the piss right now? SAM: I’m really not. Goblins are terrible, terrible creatures. LAURA: Did you ever eat a little child, Nott? SAM: With great honesty I can tell you that I’ve never eaten a child. TALIESIN: Insight check. I’ve been holding out. MATT: If you wish to see if she’s telling the truth, roll an insight check. TRAVIS: Shit. TALIESIN: Nope. Natural one. SAM: Kind of hard to read. MATT: She’s hard to read. She seems honest and forthright in what she’s saying. TALIESIN: Has she tasted human flesh? SAM: Listen. My clan, I can’t speak for other clans, but the goblins that I was with for quite some time, we stole from people. We stole food, we stole money when we could, we stole clothing and provisions, but when times were tough, we would steal the people, too. TRAVIS: You and your brothers and sisters? Or you and your children or parents? SAM: Well, goblins don’t really– I’m sure I have parents. TRAVIS: Oh. But you’re not super tight with them. SAM: Yeah. Once a child is born and nursed for a bit and then it’s communal property. As soon as you can work, they give you a job and you do the job. TRAVIS: No favorite brother or sister or playmate or– LAURA: Do you even know who your brothers and sisters are? SAM: Everyone in the clan, I assume, is related somehow, but– LAURA: Oh. SAM: Yeah. There was no real family ties. TRAVIS: Do you fight any urges when you see a small child walking through the city, to go up and, I don’t know, I don’t mean any disrespect, but to snatch it? LAURA: That sounds a little shitty, Fjord. MARISHA: That’s definitely a little shitty. ASHLEY: But yeah, you don’t see it and you don’t get hungry? TRAVIS: Yeah, no, I’m being honest. Because if I know there’s a little kid running around, and if you’re fucking tracing the damn thing, I want to know that I can put a hand out. LIAM: With all due respect, she is smarter than that. SAM: Caleb, as always, is right. I do not have an urge to kill and eat children. TRAVIS: Just checking. I haven’t met many that do, so pardon my, you know– SAM: I do have cravings for things I assume you, other species, do not. LAURA: Like what? Maybe we do. SAM: Rats. ASHLEY: Well, that I understand. SAM: Cats sometimes. LIAM: Frumpkin goes back to the Feywild. SAM: Bacon. I really like bacon. LAURA: Everyone likes bacon. Bacon is super good. SAM: Just in general, meat is pretty good, but no. A human child is a wonderful thing. Why would I want to kill or hurt a human child? LAURA: Yeah! She doesn’t want to hurt her baby, Caleb! SAM: No. I’m not bloodthirsty. I just get hungry for food sometimes. Not for flesh. I just like meat. MARISHA: I think I still have some pocket bacon. You want some? SAM: I would love some. MARISHA: Yeah, here you go. Yeah. SAM: (eating noises) No. I like children a great deal. TRAVIS: In your belly? SAM: No! Not in my belly! You’re borderline offensive! TRAVIS: All Fjord sees is a little kid’s hand, like chewing on a little kid’s hand MATT: Who’s helming watch as you guys are traveling? TALIESIN: I mean, I’m on one of the horses. Yeah. MATT: Make a perception check for me. TALIESIN: Oh no. This’ll be funny. Come on, first good roll of the day. That’ll do. That’s a 16. MATT: That’s enough. As you guys are continuing, about midday or so, you’re hitting the noonday sun, and some of the clouds have broken up briefly. You notice a tiny distant curl of smoke over one of the hills. Just a lazy little line of darkness across the– TALIESIN: Does it look like happy fire smoke, or bad, unfortunate, something’s burning, dark?– MATT: It looks very localized. SAM: Listen everyone, this is what happened to me. Here is my definite backstory. TALIESIN: No, we’ll do this later. Do you see the smoke over there? SAM: –one day– TALIESIN: (loudly) Everybody, there’s smoke over there. We’ve got to get hold of this right now. There’s definitely a plume of smoke. I don’t know what it means, I don’t know what it’s about, it could be a good thing, it could be a bad thing, but we have to stop this conversation right in its tracks. SAM: All right, what is it? Does it look like good smoke or bad smoke? TALIESIN: Honestly, I can’t tell from here. It’s very localized. LAURA: Is it into the woods or is it further along? TALIESIN: Is it into the woods, or further along? MATT: You cannot see. It’s over one of the larger hills that’s blocking what its source is. It’s about a mile or so off of the road if you were to go ahead in that direction. TALIESIN: It’s about a mile off the road. MARISHA: It’s just chimney smoke. Just keep moving. TALIESIN: It doesn’t look like chimney smoke. I’m not sure. TRAVIS: So there’s fire. So what? MARISHA: Campfire smoke? TALIESIN: Does it look like campfire smoke? MATT: It could be. It could be chimney smoke. It’s not a billowing column. MARISHA: It’s not a billowing column. SAM: When you say it, it has such a different color to it. TALIESIN: There’s people, though. Or something. SAM: They’re burning people? TALIESIN: I mean, just be on alert. They could be burning anything. SAM: We call that a barbecue. (laughter) TALIESIN: We’ll find, once and for all, the answer: What do children taste like? MATT: Continuing onward, about ten minutes later you get just around the edge of where that hill was, and you can see the source of the smoke. There, nestled between a small cluster of trees and a bit of natural rock formations, a small shack that the smoke is coming from. LAURA: It’s a small shack. MATT: Continue going forward on the road? LAURA: Should we go knock on the door? TRAVIS: Did you want to see if somebody worth bargaining with or something? LIAM: Why don’t we send my cat? TRAVIS: Sure. MARISHA: Weird people live in shacks in the woods. TALIESIN: They’ll be happy to see a cat. TRAVIS: Send the cat. TALIESIN: I don’t think we’re even going to pull over. LAURA: No, we’ll just keep going. TRAVIS: Is the shed from where we are now, still like a mile away? MATT: Yeah, it’s about a mile away. LIAM: If it’s of interest, we can turn around. LAURA: The shack is a mile away. LIAM: A mile away? LIAM: Oh. LAURA: Can Frumpkin be a bird? LIAM: (reluctantly) Yeah. TALIESIN: For a bit. TRAVIS: I want to check out the shack. LIAM: All right. For you, Fjord, I will make Frumpkin a bird. LAURA: Not for me, though. Caleb hates me. SAM: We could just walk over there. It’s a hassle to turn him into a bird. TRAVIS: Yeah. Keep your cat. LIAM: You are more sensitive than I would have imagined. LAURA: I want people to like me. LIAM: You’re so tough, but everybody here likes you. SAM: Yasha’s leading the way? LAURA: You’re checking out the shack? LIAM: I was just about to make a really cool owl. Are we really? Okay. MARISHA: A really cool hour? MATT: Yasha’s going to the shack. Is it just Yasha? TALIESIN: I’m following. TRAVIS: I’m going too. LIAM: Wait, she’s going to the shack? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: Okay, so Yasha, Molly, and Fjord are heading to the shack. ASHLEY: We’ll be right back! LIAM: I put Frumpkin back on her shoulder. MATT: As you guys make your way up, cresting the hill, down into this small, localized valley toward where the shack is with the clusters of trees and the edge of a small forest cluster is a little bit past it. You approach the shack, and as you get towards it you get a better look at it. It’s made of simple masonry and stones lodged together to create the outer walls of it. It can’t be more than 20 feet by 20 feet in size. It’s not a large abode. There is one brick chimney where that single curl of smoke that was visible off your end was there, there’s a wood chopping block on the outside with an axe embedded and left in it with couple of pieces of firewood off to the side. There’s a tanning easel set there for whoever has been utilizing it. There is a front door. You see a window that has no glass in it. It’s maybe that big or so, it’s more for keeping an eye out, or looking through it. TRAVIS: Scanning the land and the trees around, doing a quick once-over of the close area. MATT: Perception check. TRAVIS: Six. MATT: Looks fine. TRAVIS: Looks clear. TALIESIN: Great. TRAVIS: I’ll head around back. ASHLEY: Okay. I’m going to get off my horse. MATT: You get off the horse. LIAM: I’m going to start looking through Frumpkin in an attempt to let Yasha know I am with her. I make Frumpkin do this to her forehead (knocking) with his paw. MATT: This soft paw starts tapping you in the face. ASHLEY: (spitting) Stop it. LIAM: Oh, that’s a good question. I know that we were loosey-goosey with familiar things. I know that we’ve said that I can see this far away, but I probably cannot make him do that this far away. MATT: Command, right. LIAM: 100 feet, I take it back. MATT: You still blow, and the fur gets in your nose. Fjord, you head around back? In the back, there’s a couple of cured and salted meats that are hanging from the back of the ramshackled roof that ends, and curves down a bit. Over time the weathering has caused it to curl under. There is another doorway that leads in the back. It looks like there is no window back here. There is a single window out front, and there are two doors in the front and back of it. TRAVIS: I’ll make my way another quarter way around the house so I can see Yasha and Molly, and I’ll say: Go ahead, I’ll keep an eye out. I can see both. ASHLEY: I’m going to knock on the door, yeah? TALIESIN: That seems fair. ASHLEY: (knocking) MATT: You hear a little bit of rustling, a couple heavy footsteps. You hear a large metal rod shift, and it creaks open, about two to three inches. There you see what I can only describe as an elderly full-blood orc. His head wreathed and tangled grey coarse hair, like a crown around the top of the head that goes past the mouth and over the chest to about mid-point there. A foot-long beard around his chin that ends at about the bottom of the clavicle, or the sternum. Muscular and hunched, his gray-green skin looks thick and weathered, and folded crow’s nests under where the nose and the mouth is, the two heavy tusks protruding from underneath the lower jaw. His eyes are sunken and bloodshot, around the side of the yellow sclera. One hand opens the door, while another one remains out of sight. As the face pushes forward to inspect you, a low voice says, “Your business?” ASHLEY: Oh, yes, hello. We were just passing through and we saw some smoke, so we just wanted to make sure everything was okay, and come over here and check on you, but you seem to be fine. MATT: “Everything is fine.” TALIESIN: Selling any wares? Or do you need any news from the other side of the road? MATT: “Have you news to share?” TALIESIN: There are skirmishes at the border, and soldiers are moving east, lots of them, worth noting. We’re trying to avoid it. MATT: “Good to know.” The door begins to close. ASHLEY: But did you have– I don’t think you answered the other part of what he was saying. Do you have any wares for– TALIESIN: For sale. ASHLEY: For sale? MATT: Leans further in. ASHLEY: Like some meats. MATT: Make a charisma check. TALIESIN: Oh, yeah! ASHLEY: Now, I have a minus two, guys. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s still. ASHLEY: Yeah. 11. MATT: Okay, all right. ASHLEY: Shimmy the shake. MATT: Glaring at you with one eye peeking through. There’s a bit of a grunt, and the breath emanates, and it smells of heavy pepper and dust. A bit of smokiness to it. The door opens slightly more, and the head peeks through to give you a good look over. “Maybe for trade.” ASHLEY: What kind of trade? MATT: “What do you have to trade?” SAM: The cat! MATT: Reaches out and– ASHLEY: No. SAM: Yeah, do it. ASHLEY: I’m just moving him around. I can’t! TALIESIN: We have some bits and pieces, what do you need? We have gold, but you don’t really strike me as the type who cares. MATT: “Gold doesn’t hurt other passersby.” TALIESIN: I’ve got a few bits. What do you need? Do you need tools? MATT: “Tools are helpful.” TALIESIN: I’m going to pull out– MATT: “Vegetables. Fresh produce, maybe.” TALIESIN: Do we have anything? Fresh produce we’re a little thin on because we’re just on the road, but we do have– ASHLEY: We might have some bacon. MATT: He opens the door a bit further and looks to the left. He looks to the right. You’re off to the side of the wall, though, so you don’t see him and he doesn’t see you. He goes, “Come in,” and opens the door fully and steps back. You can now see he had, in the other hand, a really nasty-looking, somewhat rusted battleaxe that he had right around the door, just in case. He goes and sets the loop of the handle of it and puts it over a knob that’s in the wall and then steps inside his small hovel as you look in the inside. It’s fairly bare, but there are lots of furs that have been skinned and cured that are up on the walls that are hanging, from wolves, from badgers, different other creatures that he’s probably hunted and brought in here for the tanning process. You see, hanging on the edge, a handmade piece of hide armor that has been recently stained, and as soon as you get close you can smell the stained scent off of it. You get the sense here, based on the tanning stuff set up outside, that that’s probably part of his trading business. TALIESIN: That’s a nice piece of hide armor. That’s very nice. MATT: “It’s also for trade or purchase. Also, I have meats. I have pelts.” ASHLEY: How much are you selling the hide armor for? MATT: He thinks to himself for a second and considers the time and energy he’s put into it. “Handmade. 15 gold pieces.” TALIESIN: How about 16 gold pieces and you throw in a little bit of meat? MATT: “I give you two pounds of meat.” TALIESIN: Perfect. MATT: He coughs a bit, goes over, and starts grabbing the armor and pulling it off of the knob and setting it down, grabbing some meat. He opens the back door and steps out and starts pulling it off of some of the racks of nails on there. TRAVIS: I can hear it, but I can’t see it. MATT: Yeah. You’re staying where you are? TRAVIS: I’ll start making my way over to their horses, having heard them go inside. I think. LIAM: I would say Caleb has been narrating this to everybody back. MATT: Okay. Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Ten. MATT: Ten? Okay. He grabs the meats, sets them in a small sack, ties it up, hands it over. The armor he preps and folds and sets over, hands it to you. TALIESIN: I pay the man. Pleasure doing business with you. Be careful. There’s soldiers running around all over the place right now. MATT: “I’m aware.” TALIESIN: Have a lovely day. ASHLEY: Thank you very much. Apologies for intruding. MATT: “Good luck.” He closes the door. You hear (deadbolts locking). TRAVIS: Who was that? TALIESIN: I’ve met weirder. TRAVIS: What was in there? ASHLEY: It looks like there’s some hide armor. TALIESIN: And meat. TRAVIS: Oh. Nice. ASHLEY: Yeah, we got some food for the road. TRAVIS: Fair enough. TALIESIN: There was a trapdoor in the floor and there were just people stuck underneath there, wasn’t there? Three more points on that perception roll and I’d have been like “That carpet looks like it’s been moved recently.” ASHLEY: Shit. TALIESIN: It’s all right. TRAVIS: Was it just the one guy in there? ASHLEY: It seemed like it. TALIESIN: I think I’ve met weirder people. ASHLEY: He is selling stuff if you want to go check. TRAVIS: What did he have? Just meat and– ASHLEY: Meat and– TALIESIN and ASHLEY: Armor. TRAVIS: Nah. ASHLEY: Yeah, okay. Shall we? MATT: You guys mount back up on your horses and make your way back to the rest of the group on the cart. TALIESIN: What kind of armor is it out of? MATT: It’s hide armor. TALIESIN: It’s hide armor? MATT: It’s well-made, hand-crafted hide armor, for anybody who would have use for it, whether it be using or reselling it. That’s up to you. TALIESIN: All right. SAM: Nothing? TALIESIN: We made a friend. LAURA: Did you kill someone for that? TALIESIN: Yes. ASHLEY: He’s dead. TALIESIN: He’s very dead. And then he rose up from the grave again and we had to kill him again. Twice. Same man. ASHLEY: But that shack is now ours. LAURA: Great! SAM: Great! Can we stay the night there? LAURA: Maybe we should just live here instead of going anywhere else. TALIESIN: I’m thinking of planting soybeans. LIAM: This is our kingdom. ASHLEY: This is our keep. What do we name it? LIAM: Small Shit Keep. TRAVIS: Shall we? LAURA: Let’s keep going. MATT: You guys continue onward for the rest of the day until, eventually, the sun sets and you find yourselves with evening quickly taking the sky. MARISHA: Let’s make camp before we completely lose light this time. TRAVIS: Good call. MATT: Who’s helming the search for a good place to camp? TRAVIS: I’ll look this time. MARISHA: I’ll help. MATT: Perception check with advantage because the sun is still up. LAURA: Don’t fuck this up, Fjord. MARISHA: You rolled the same, well, almost the same. TRAVIS: Ten. MARISHA: Wait, but I’m helping him. MATT: So he got advantage. MARISHA: Plus? But you said advantage? Oh, right. TRAVIS: Ten. MATT: You glance off, and maybe about 30 minutes up the road you can see a small forest, maybe two or three miles in diameter. It’s a cluster of trees and would probably be a way to camp off of the road. TRAVIS: There’s a cluster of trees up ahead. We could aim for that. TALIESIN: That’ll do. TRAVIS: Let’s do it. TALIESIN: What kind of meat is this, out of curiosity? MATT: Make a nature check. TALIESIN: Nope. It’s just going today. MATT: It is meat. TALIESIN: As far as I know, it could be veggie. ASHLEY: I’m going to take a little niblet of it. MATT: It’s good. It’s a little dry, but it’s salted. It’s cured. It’ll keep for a while. A little chewy. ASHLEY: It’s very good. From tasting it, do I know what it is? MATT: Make a nature check. TALIESIN: If only I had help counting to the number four! LAURA: Have you ever tried human before? ASHLEY: We’ll see. Don’t fuck me, Gil. Five. MATT: It’s good. ASHLEY: It’s very good. TALIESIN: I think I’m going to want more of this. I’m not sure where it’s coming from, but I definitely think– ASHLEY: Yeah, I like it a lot. TALIESIN: I’m getting a taste for it. ASHLEY: Yeah, it’s a delicacy. LAURA: I’m going to start making a nice, pretty bed in the cart. It’s going to be really nice looking. SAM: For all of us or just you? LAURA: For anyone who wants to stay in here with me. SAM: I would like that. LAURA Okay. MARISHA: I’m going to make a fire again. TRAVIS: We can break off some branches and some kindling. TALIESIN: There’s trees. MATT: Yeah, you can do that. You manage to set up right as the sun completes setting. You build up this little campfire in the center. You set up your bedding around it. The cart is a little ways off. Unless you’re putting the bedding in the cart and putting that there next to it? Okay. You put the cart there. LIAM: Silver thread. MATT: Thread around the edges. Okay. Who’s taking first watch? ASHLEY: I’ll take first watch. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’ll take first watch. Unless someone objects. All right, that’ll do. Do you want to or– What’s your– I’ll take it. MATT: Roll a normal roll because you are keeping an eye through darkness. TALIESIN: But I have night vision? MATT: Night vision is only out to a certain radius. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: You both maintain the first watch as you continue looking out towards the darkness beyond the visible trees that are refracting what little bit of light makes it to their bark. Looking into the shadows, your watch comes to an end, uneventful. TALIESIN: I’m so glad to be out of that bloody city. ASHLEY: Yeah, me too, I guess. I just am excited to see more, you know. TALIESIN: It’s nice to be on the road again. ASHLEY: Yeah, it’s nice to be on the road. TALIESIN: I’ve never been up this way before. ASHLEY: You haven’t? TALIESIN: Not that I can remember. Not that I know. ASHLEY: That’s true. (laughter) ASHLEY: If I look around, are there flowers anywhere? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: You haven’t done that before. ASHLEY: Where’s investigation? Oh, eight. MATT: It takes you a little while. You start getting a little nervous, because Yasha just vanishes in the darkness, saying, “I’ll be right back,” and is gone for like 40 minutes. TALIESIN: Well, she’s going to be gone for another six days now. LIAM: I found poison oak, you guys! MATT: You do come back with a handful of small posies. They’re nothing special, but they’re flowers. ASHLEY: I found some of these. I’m going to put them in my book. I’ve gotten a lot of different ones now. TALIESIN: That’s lovely. ASHLEY: Yeah. I’m going to save them. I’m getting quite the collection. LAURA: Then I’m going to crumple them up! MATT: You guys finish your watch. Who’s taking the next watch? SAM: We will. LIAM: I got it. LAURA: Never mind. MATT: All right. Nott and Caleb. Who’s taking point on this? LIAM: I am. MATT: Go ahead and roll. SAM: But you can’t see in the dark. LIAM: I have (popping noises) SAM: Oh yeah. LIAM: With advantage or straight? SAM: I will aid. MATT: This would be a straight roll for you. LIAM: Straight roll. MATT: The lanterns, they’re helping you see the close vicinity. LIAM: I will still do it. MATT: I’ll say sure. How far can the lights go out? What’s the range? LIAM: Oh, I think it’s 60 feet? I bet that’s wrong. It is 120 feet. MATT: Yeah, so roll with advantage. LIAM: Ok, I’ll roll the twins. Hey, really good. That’s a 22. MATT: 22? Nice. You guys are sitting there for a bit, enjoying the time by the fire, conversing. Caleb, you’re keeping an eye out beyond the various tree trunks. You hear the snapping of a twig and you see some shifting of shadow. LIAM: Nott, there’s something. SAM: Hmm, what? LIAM: Something. SAM: What is it? MATT: A few things. LIAM: Whack! MARISHA: Ow. SAM: Which direction? Point to it. LIAM: I just smack Beau and then– SAM: Oh, shit. Are they all on one? Do I see anything? MATT: As you glance around and he’s pointing this out and you begin to come to consciousness– LIAM: I cast Mage Armor. MARISHA: (whispered) Jester! LAURA: What? MARISHA: Shh! MATT: At that moment, as soon as you finish casting Mage Armor, there’s a little flash of arcane energy and two arrows come shooting out of the shadows, right towards you. Natural 20 and a six, which would bring it to ten. LIAM: The second does not hit, but the first one obviously does. MATT: All right. You suffer five points of piercing damage as the arrow catches you right in the left pectoral muscle, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: What was that? TRAVIS: Poison arrow. LAURA: Or a sleep arrow. SAM: Or a health cure arrow. LIAM: Not great. Ten. MATT: You feel this burst of poison begin to pulse through your veins. You are considered poisoned. As you guys all see this happen, you glance around and you can see a bunch of small shapes beginning to skitter from around some of the trees. This growling sound, almost barking sound. There’s a few strange, furred wolves emerging from one side, two or three of them, their eyes glistening as the light from the fire manages to catch it from an angle. Behind them, these two heavy forms begin to emerge, and one of them goes, “Oh no! They’ve awakened! Gonah!” “I know, Emmett!” And we’ll come back to roll initiative here as we’re going to take a quick break. MARISHA: The break? Okay. That felt like the end for some reason. ASHLEY: It did! I got panicked. MARISHA: No cliffhanger! MATT: No. We have a water break. We’ll come back on that and roll initiative. MARISHA: Oh my god! MATT: As your guys’ campfire caught someone’s attention. For our Wyrmwood giveaway tonight– LIAM: Shit! I wanted to talk to Nott! SAM: Never going to happen. MARISHA: So I was thinking (grunts) MATT: Tonight we’re giving out our fantastic ziricote dice tray from our friends at Wyrmwood. MARISHA: Oh, that’s sexy. LIAM: Matt’s wood. MATT: I’m pretty sure, yeah. This is the wood that I use on mine. Very slick. Tonight’s keyword is “memories.” If you want to, come into the Twitch chat. Enter the phrase once. More than once and you’ll be disqualified and, unfortunately, it’s only available to friends in the U.S. and Canada except for Quebec. But we’ll come back with the winner here at the end of the break. MARISHA: And stay tuned because during the break, we’re going to play the first episode of Key Question, because it’s Deadpool related, and Deadpool’s tomorrow. It’s an edited version because it’s a long episode but you get a sample. Okay bye. MATT: Thank you. We’ll see you back here in a few minutes. [break] MATT: Welcome back, everybody. That was all right. Before we jump in, we do have a winner from the break for our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway. The winner is Brian Spinkicker! Brian Spinkicker, congratulations. We’ll get that out to you ASAP. Congrats to you, my friend. Exactly. I guess I should bring out the map. TRAVIS: Bring it out! LAURA: At least we got a surprise attack. That’s good. SAM: Anyway Caleb, this is what happened to me as– Oh no! LAURA: Oh my god, they’re huge! LIAM: There’s big people. There’s little people. MATT: Glancing around, you see a cluster of goblin-like creatures coming out of the nearby forest, helmed by two large ogres that are yelling across the way. SAM: You said goblin-like creatures. MATT: It is very shadowy and dark. You can’t even see. A cluster of wolves also are circling from that side. LAURA: Wolves? Goblins? Oh shit balls. MATT: I did not have the cart and horses with me, I thought I did and I left them at home. We’ll say that they got spooked after the arrows were fired and are off the side of it. SAM: Nice improv! MATT: To that note, everyone, I need you to roll initiative. Oh my god. MARISHA: Here we go! TRAVIS and MARISHA: (chanting) Level five! MARISHA: Natural 20! MATT: Oh shit! SAM: You’re asleep, though. MATT: I– (concerned sound) Okay. All right, to that note, friends: 25 to 20? MARISHA: 24! A natural 20 on the most useless category. Not a useless category, but in terms of a Nat 20, meh. But exciting! I don’t want to shit on it! LAURA: You don’t want to curse it, right. MARISHA: I’m not cursing! MATT: 20 to 15? LIAM: 18. TRAVIS: 17. TALIESIN: 16. TRAVIS: Caleb, Fjord, Molly. ASHLEY: It’s really what I do best, guys. It’s my most consistent thing that I do is roll shit initiative. TRAVIS: Through both campaigns. ASHLEY: In life and in– Yeah, always. MATT: 15 to ten? TRAVIS: Wow. MATT: Wow. Ten to five? ASHLEY: Six! SAM: Oh wait, I never said mine. 15. Sorry. LAURA: I was expecting another six. SAM: Wait, what’d you have Molly? TALIESIN: I had 16. SAM: Okay. MATT: Jester and Yasha at the same time. Top of the combat round, after the arrows were fired and Caleb is wincing and pulling back from the blow. As these creatures begin to come out of the shadows, preparing for their continuation of their assault, Beau, you’re up first. MARISHA: Oh Jesus. Oh boy. Where am I? MATT: You’re right there. Caleb nudged you awake. MARISHA: I wake up and I go: Fight Club! I run towards whatever I see first. Do I see the wolf? Do I see the goblins? MATT: Looking this way, as he nudged you, you see the wolves, these goblin creatures here, and this large, looming ogre that was shouting across the way to the other ogre, who’s now pushing past the tree and coming into view. MARISHA: Beau, in her hazy boss phase, goes: Ogres are the leaders. And she runs straight for the ogre. MATT: As you dart past, it’ll put you right there. MARISHA: I’m going to unleash a round of attacks. Two attacks. MATT: As you rush up, grabbing your staff from the ground, getting the sleep from your face, you run towards it. Swing! MARISHA: The first attack is a ten? MATT: Ten misses. MARISHA: No, and the second attack also misses. MATT: Both first strikes attack. That’s your attack action. MARISHA: Those are both my attack actions. I’m going to use a ki point to go into Patient Defense at that point because that sucked. MATT: You swing twice. You’re still groggy from being woken up and your blows go a bit wide. The ogre laughs as it palms away one of your strikes. MARISHA: I yawn and then go into a stance. MATT: As you get into a stance, you look down and there’s the wolf growling, its jaws open, its teeth exposed. MARISHA: I turn back to Jester and I go: Jester! Puppies! Patient Defense. MATT: The goblins are taking their turn now. I rolled really high on their initiative. LAURA: They are goblins! MATT: They are goblins, as now you’ve gotten a moment to look. You see them in their greenish skin. They’re wearing bits of cobbled-together leather and hide and pelts of whatever they’ve scavenged around. They have bits of red and purple paint smeared on their face in some war paint style. They’re all like (goblin sounds). You, speaking Goblin, know that they’re essentially shouting commands. “Don’t engage! Pull back and fire!” They’re all keeping their distance, at this point, this close up to fire, they’re starting to back away and rotate, firing volleys of arrows again towards everybody in the center. That’s going to be two against Caleb, one against Nott, two against Yasha, two against Jester, and two against Fjord. Actually, it should be only one against Fjord, because there’s only eight goblins. Yeah, so two against Caleb. That’s cocked. That’s going to be a 12? LIAM: 12 does not hit. MATT: And a six. LIAM: Does not hit! MATT: Okay, both miss. Both deflecting off of the Mage Armor you put up before. LIAM: (vomiting) MATT: That’s going to be one against Nott. It’s going to be an eight. SAM: Miss. MATT: You duck out of the way and it goes vanishing into the darkness beyond. That’s going to be two against Yasha. That’s going to be a nine? And a 23? ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: You take four points of piercing damage and you need to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Oh fuck. ASHLEY: How many points of damage did you say? I’m sorry? MATT: Four points of piercing damage, and make a constitution saving throw. SAM: Oh that’s right, from the first shot. LIAM: There’s an arrow sticking out of my ribs. ASHLEY: 22. MATT: 22. The arrow hits you, and you feel the poison pulse through. You flex and grit your teeth, and your body manages to prevent the poison from taking root into your system. ASHLEY: Oh shit, sorry! I was just trying to– That’s how I get rid of the poison. (airy fart) MATT: That’s going to be two to Jester. That’s going to be a 14? And a 19! LAURA: As I’m lifting my shield, the other one gets underneath it. MATT: That’s five points of piercing damage to you. Make a constitution saving throw. LAURA: Oh no! Natural 20! MATT: Natural 20. You manage to shrug off the venom of these arrow strikes. One against you, Fjord. That’s going to be a 15. TRAVIS: Misses. MATT: Misses. As you have your shield now. LAURA: Did I take damage from that one arrow? MATT: You did. You took five points of piercing damage. Just splinters across it. With that, they all begin to dart back behind cover. This one vanishes over here. This one’s going to dart over to this space there. This darts behind here. They both vanish behind the tree there. They all just dash into the shadows and vanish behind the various trees around you. That finishes the round. Caleb, you’re up with Fjord on deck. LIAM: I’m going to push through the pain in my veins and reach into my satchel and smear molasses on my hand. I’m going to cast Slow on this batch here. They have to make a wisdom save against my DC. MATT: All righty. MARISHA: That’s some southern shit. Get the molasses out your ass! MATT: Wisdom save. LIAM: 16 is the DC. MATT: 16 is the DC! All right. For that ogre over there, that’s a failure. He’s going to be slow. LIAM: Speed is halved. Takes negative two to AC and dexterity saving throws. Can’t use reactions. On its turn, it can use either an action or a bonus action, not both. MATT: All right. Then the other goblins there. That’s an 18. It succeeds. That one there. That’s another 18! Two in a row! Sorry about that. LIAM: That’s okay. I’m going to use my movement to get closer into the fire. Maybe over towards Molly and Yasha. MATT: Right there? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: All righty. You are maintaining Slow concentration on him. TALIESIN: Do you roll a save against poison, or no? MATT: No, he’s just poisoned. TRAVIS: What’d you cast on the big guy? LIAM: Slow. MATT: That being the case, that finishes up Caleb’s turn. Fjord, you’re up with Molly on deck. TRAVIS: I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Hexblade’s Curse on the big ol’ fellow that Caleb pointed at. MATT: As you suddenly watch him, already a sluggish creature, moving at an even more sluggish pace, the shadows around, all of a sudden, jump off of the nearby tree trunks and cling to the interior of its form, around where the nooks and crannies are. Almost like a small-scale Venom symbiote at times. TRAVIS: I use my 30 feet of speed to run this way, southeast. MATT: Southeast. Around this way, or this way? TRAVIS: Between these two trees, if I can. Towards this direction. MATT: Okay. That’s ten. 15. 20. 25. TRAVIS: Can I get within melee of this guy? MATT: You do get past this guy, who does get an attack of opportunity on you, if you’d like. TRAVIS: Oh really? Five, ten, 15, 20. SAM: Take it! TRAVIS: No. I’m going to come this way, over here, if I can. MATT: Okay. Five. Ten. 15. 20. 25. 30. TRAVIS: Great. MATT: That’s where you get, there. TRAVIS: I will use Eldritch Blast against those two goblins hiding behind the tree. MATT: Right there? As you rush past, you spin around with the sword and shield in one hand. I mean, you haven’t drawn your falchion yet. TRAVIS: I haven’t pulled it yet. MATT: Yeah, so you just spin around, releasing from your grip– TRAVIS: I now have two bursts of Eldritch Blast. MATT: You do. One attack for each. TRAVIS: That’s a 12 for the first one? MATT: That does not hit. TRAVIS: Natural 20. MATT: The second one hits! The first one, the goblin has a shield affixed to its wall and it knocks it out of the way. The Eldritch Blast just poofs without any sort of impact. The second one does hit the other– it poops! TRAVIS: That’s four plus four is eight, plus four is 12. 12 points of damage. MATT: The other goblin goes flying back about five or six feet, tumbles to the ground, and is not moving. TRAVIS: Nice. That completes my turn. MATT: Finishing Fjord’s turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to run directly at the creature right there. On the way, I’m going to use my bonus action to start one of my scimitars. I think I get two attacks with that scimitar, then. MATT: You do. Is this with your Rite of the Dawn? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: The scimitar gleams with this faint, glowing, radiant energy, this luminescent glow to the blade as he swings towards the singular goblin. Make your attacks, if you’d like. TALIESIN: Setting my new max HP. All right! Attack number one is 16 to hit? MATT: 16 hits! LAURA: 16 hits the goblin? MATT: Yep! TALIESIN: Just double checking, I’m still at a d4 for– MATT: Correct. TALIESIN: All right. That’s (counting) 11 points of damage. MATT: 11 points of damage. That’ll do it. You rush up and carve right through his torso. TALIESIN: Do I still have movement? MATT: You do. TALIESIN: I’m going to head around the tree for the other one that– MATT: That’s (counting) 30. You can get right up behind with that goblin. TALIESIN: I’m going to take one shot at him. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Ugh. Ten. MATT: As you swing towards it, it manages to take a shield and deflect the blade, and your scimitar sticks into the side of the tree, and you have to pull it forth and dislodge and prepare yourself for the next round. TALIESIN: All right. MATT: That finishes Molly’s go. Now, the ogres take their turn. This one right here, next to Beau, as you charged up and attempted to pummel it, go in a defensive stance, (chuckles). He’s going to make two greatclub swings towards you, with disadvantage, because you have your– Even with disadvantage, that is a 19 to hit? I rolled a 19 and a 13. MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: That hits. The second one, that is an 18 and a 14. MARISHA: Okay, miss. MATT: The second one misses. The first one, as it swings down towards you with heavy aggression. That is 13 points of bludgeoning damage as it slams into you and you hit up against the tree. As you barely catch yourself and right, the second swing goes through, and with that, you manage to pull underneath, your defensive stance ready to go, and you jam the club into the tree. The tree actually shakes, sending a bunch of leaves and a couple of birds scatter out from the inside as the ogre pulls the club back. MARISHA: 13, correct? MATT: Correct. With that, the ogre goes ahead and– Actually, he’s just going to move over here, and is going to shout at the dogs, “Go! Carve face!” The dogs get ready to pounce. MARISHA: Did they say carve face? SAM: Car face! MARISHA: Car face! MATT: Ogre only has 20 feet of movement. MARISHA: It’s All Dogs Go to Heaven, you guys! LIAM: Is that half of his movement? MATT: Yep! LAURA: He has 40 movement? MATT: Yeah. He’s like (heavy movement) (confused grumbles). Not within distance, however, pulls a javelin out of a small pouch on the side and right there, in immediate view, is the tiny goblin that, at the moment, the ogre thinks might be one of his own. Instead, is going to assault the mage that affected him with the Slow spell and still, throwing it slowly, it goes in your direction. It’s the only action it takes, though. LIAM: Yeah, okay. MATT: That is going to be a 23 to hit? Natural 17. LIAM: I’ll take it because Shield won’t match the difference. MATT: That’s the javelin, which does– (pained inhale) TRAVIS: Ooh, the in-suck is the worst! MATT: 14 points of piercing damage. The javelin sinks into your stomach and embeds itself about four or five inches into your torso to the point where the javelin’s now holding itself out from your body. You immediately grab it, and the shock hits you that it managed to drive itself so deep inside. You aren’t even aware of the damage it’s done to your internals, it’s put you in a state of shock. That’s going to end that guy’s turn, but it gets to make a saving throw to try and resist the Slow spell. That is going to be 15. LIAM: No. MATT: Your spell DC is 16, yeah! It rolled a natural 17, minus two. Not very wise, these guys, so he remains slow. However, I need you to make a concentration check. MARISHA: Oh boy, roll high. LIAM: I did well. Concentration is– I’ve never done this before. MATT: It’s a constitution saving throw. LIAM: That is a 19. MATT: You manage to maintain your Slow spell on him, no issue. The ogre’s turns are done. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I yell to Caleb: Modern Literature! Then I run towards these two goblins over here. MATT: Over this side? SAM: Yep. MATT: All right. 15, 20. SAM: I take out my hand crossbow and I point it from the goblins to Caleb, and I fire. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’m aiming for the book strapped under his armpit that only I know is under his clothes, and I rolled a natural 20. TRAVIS and MARISHA: Oh! MARISHA: That’s good, right? MATT: It is. Essentially, because you’re aiming for such a small piece there, I was going to add five to the armor class, but a natural 20 hits. As he’s pulled back and clutching himself, you hit the book that’s harnessed under his arm. You feel the impact– nope! LIAM: Oh, Gottsverdammt! SAM: He’s going to play dead. MATT: You fall prone on the ground. I will ask you to make another concentration check because you are averting your gaze and attention from the creature you are focusing on. LIAM: Ten. MATT: Ten? You’re fine. Ten is the DC you had to hit. TRAVIS: Oh, fuck. He’s like this. MATT: Yeah, just out of the corner of his eye. TRAVIS: Mom coming into the room. LIAM: I’m looking through my eyelashes. MATT: I do need you to make a deception check, but with advantage, because you managed to pull this off pretty well so far. This is just to convince others. LIAM: Where’s my Percy die? ASHLEY: What do you guys call this one? What do you call this con? SAM: Modern Literature. LIAM: Deception, you say? It is an 18. MATT: 18? As far as they’re concerned, Caleb is dead. MARISHA: Whoa, that was sexy! You guys, we need formations! We need code words! SAM: That was my bonus action. For my action, I will tell the two goblins– MATT: Well, in order to do the bonus action strike, you have to have attacked with your action. It’s either two attacks or something else. SAM: Now I have a bonus action? MATT: You have a bonus action, yes. SAM: Can I use it to talk? MATT: I’ll say sure. SAM: Okay, so in Goblin, I’m going to say to them: I’ll hold them off! You get the loot with the horses! MATT: Make a deception check. SAM: It’s in Goblin. MATT: Yeah, I know. SAM: 13? MATT: 13, okay. SAM: Wait, this is persuasion or deception? MATT: This would be deception. SAM: 13. MATT: Okay. They look at you, confused. One of them looks over towards the horses. The other one seems to be holding his ground, but it looks like one of them is in the moment of looking off to something else. That ends your turn. Jester and Yasha, you guys are up. LAURA: (screaming) Caleb! MATT: Yeah. As far as you guys know, Nott just turned on you with the rest of the goblins and shot down Caleb. LAURA: If I fucking waste one of my fucking spells… Caleb! I rush over and I cast Cure Wounds at 2nd-level to heal Caleb. MATT: Okay, there you go. You move over, stepping over the campfire. SAM: No! Don’t save him! MARISHA: Laura, committing to RP! Yes! TRAVIS: No meta in this family, y'all. No meta in this family. Not in this house! SAM: You’re blowing it! TRAVIS: We won’t have it! SAM: I should have told everyone the names of all the set plays! LAURA: That would be 2d8 plus four. Oh, that’s 12 plus eight, so 20 points of healing. MATT: You heal 20 hit points, Caleb. Do you continue to play dead? LIAM: Ja. MATT: Okay. The spell doesn’t have an effect on Caleb. LAURA: (crying) It’s not working! I don’t know what’s going on! I’m going to use my bonus action– LIAM: But really, I’m up to full! ASHLEY: You’re at full? LIAM: Yeah, because I have no hit points. LAURA: I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Sacred Flame at the ogre that is attacking us. MATT: Sacred Flame is an action though, isn’t it? LAURA: Oh, it is. I’m sorry, I was thinking, because it’s a cantrip– you’re right. MATT: That’s okay. LAURA: Bonus action. There’s not really anything I can do, is there? MATT: You can move. You still have like 20 feet of movement. LAURA: (tearily) I’m going to try to drag Caleb away from the fire, behind Yasha. MATT: At half movement, you grab and start dragging Caleb face down through the dirt to about there is as far as you can get him through rocks and sticks. Twigs and shit are getting caught in your hair. LIAM: She’s re-dirtying me for me! MATT: Yeah! MARISHA: (through clenched teeth) Stop it, stop! TRAVIS: (similarly) For fuck’s sake! SAM: (pigeon cooing) TRAVIS: (high pitched) He’s alive! MATT: That finishes Jester’s turn. Yasha, what are you doing? LIAM: This is what Dungeons & Dragons is all about. TRAVIS: Give me that pigeon any day, man. (coos) He’s alive! ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m going to walk up to this guy. I’ll look back at Jester: I’ll save us, it’s okay. MATT: To this guy? ASHLEY: No, the other one, up here. Yeah. MATT: You step forward past there, and you get right up into the grill of the slowed ogre. ASHLEY: I’m going to get really mad, and I’m going to use Necrotic Shroud. SAM and TRAVIS: What is that? MATT: As you guys watch here, the campfire suddenly dims. The flames flicker and cool to this low, orange glow from the vibrant yellow flame it was before as Yasha steps past the flame. Behind the shawl, two large, skeletal, black wings emerge from the back of her shoulder blades. SAM: Like real, or like see-through? ASHLEY: Can they see it? Because it’s only if you’re within ten feet of the person. MATT: It has that effect, but it’s still visible, I’m pretty sure. ASHLEY: Okay. Yeah, I think you’re right. The effect is only– MATT: The effect is only within ten feet. SAM: Are they real, or are they see-through? MATT: You look at a somewhat translucent, skeletal wing structure with membranous, undead-looking wings. TRAVIS: What the shit? MATT: As that happens, this dark energy emanates from her body, and for a second, the white tips of her hair go completely black. As she steps forward, striding, with her blade in her hands– TRAVIS: (electric guitar riff) MATT: Currently, Nott, you’re the only one who can see this, but her eyes go jet black. Entirely full darkness, a void of light where her eyes once were as this happens and she strides forward. Charisma saving throw on his point, there. TRAVIS: On all of our points. MATT: Well, you’re more than ten feet. Unfortunately, he does succeed. However, you do manage to maintain the rest of your ability. ASHLEY: Okay, so now I have an attack, because of Extra Attack? MATT: Yep, you have two attacks. Oh, no, this is an action to do that, so no, you cannot attack this round. ASHLEY: Even the extra action? MATT: No, because you get two attacks for the attack action. But that’s your action. ASHLEY: Well, I’d like to rage. MATT: Yes, you may. As you step up to this ogre, your wings unfurled, you give out this heavy Yasha roar that echoes in the space around you as your wings flex out even further. This dark energy pulling in, and the ogre’s like (confused grunts)– looking taken aback by this unexpected display of power. TRAVIS: We might need a mini for that, because that sounds awesome. Holy shit. MATT: Going to have to look into that. Is that your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yeah, because I’m not going to move. MATT: All right, it is the wolves’ turn. SAM: Wolves? Where are the wolves? TRAVIS: There’s two wolves, right? MATT: There are three wolves. These wolves here, watching you drag Caleb backward, all rush in to charge against you. LAURA: Great. MARISHA: Do I get a hit? MATT: No, because they moved outside of your range there. MARISHA: He ran by me! MATT: This one does. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: You get one attack of opportunity against that guy. Go ahead and roll for it. If you hit him he gets– That’s cocked. MARISHA: (disappointed) Okay. 12? MATT: 12 hits. Go ahead and roll damage. MARISHA: As part of the Sentinel feat– MATT: He doesn’t get to move. MARISHA: Hey-oh, 12 damage! MATT: 12 damage? MARISHA: Yes, I rolled an eight. MATT: As the wolf rushes from you, you crack down with the staff. It yelps. It’s still standing, but it’s hurt really bad. It’s limping and turns around towards you with this heavy growl, this angry glare at you. It’s going to attempt to attack you with disadvantage, because you’re still in your– 18 and a 17 plus four, that’s going to be– MARISHA: 18 and a 17? It hits. MATT: I’m rolling really good, yeah. I know! It’s almost like I have a dice that lets me do that. TRAVIS: You son of a bitch! TALIESIN: I know. MATT: And double fours on the d4s. That will be ten points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a strength saving throw. MARISHA: Hang on, one, two, three– Oh god, hang on. You know what, I’ll come back to that. A strength saving throw. MATT: Yes. MARISHA: Okay! Thank you, Gil. 19. MATT: 19, okay. It does not knock you prone. As it strikes you, it attempts to push you off your feet, and you resist it using your hand against the tree to push yourself back up and get back into position. MARISHA: Bad dog! MATT: The two other ones, however, are going to go against Jester, and because they have Pack Tactics, they both have advantage on their strikes against you because they’re coming at you from flanking you as a wolf. First one is going to be– LAURA: Caleb, fucking me again! MATT: A 20, on the first one. Not a natural 20. LAURA: Natural 20? MATT: No. That’s going to be double 19s on that one, Jesus Christ! I’m rolling really good tonight! Both hit you. TRAVIS: So celebratory. MATT: I am. I’m excited. The first one is going to be eight points of piercing damage, and the other one is going to be nine points of piercing damage. I need you to make two strength saving throws. SAM: You’re strong. LAURA: How much? Eight and nine? MATT: Yes. LAURA: That’s 17. Wait, no, I think– did I? No, I did that wrong, didn’t I? Shit balls. Anyway, strength saving throws? MATT: Yes, two of them, please. SAM: You got to close out of that to see the– LAURA: I got to close out of that. Okay, strength. 12 and 13. MATT: You manage to resist being knocked prone, as they both begin jumping at you and clawing. One of them bites towards the back of your armor. You throw it to the ground. You almost get knocked off, but you kept yourself there between the two of them, standing, Caleb at your feet. LAURA: I’m going to cast Hellish Rebuke in response to one of the– MATT: He’s going to attempt to make a dexterity saving throw. That’s a natural four, nope. That’s full damage on this wolf here. LAURA: That would be 15 points of damage to him. MATT: 15 points of damage. That wolf suddenly is blasted in freezing cold energy as you yell in response to its assault. LAURA: You stay away, you piece of–! It’s okay. MATT: As you pull back and look, the wolf is frozen solid, and tumbles into a bunch of ice chunks. Off the battlefield. That ends the wolf’s turn. Top of the round: Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I’m going to unleash on this ogre in front of me. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: I have the ogre and the wolf, right? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: I’ll do my first two attacks on the ogre. Natural 18 on the first one, and the second one sucks at a four, with a ten total? MATT: That misses. The first one hits. MARISHA: Okay. Goddamn it, six damage. MATT: Six points of damage. MARISHA: I’ll go ahead and do a Flurry of Blows for my bonus. MATT: So you have two more strikes. Against the ogre as well? MARISHA: Yeah, let’s unleash into the ogre. Okay, 19? MATT: 19 hits. MARISHA: And 14? MATT: 14 also hits. Roll damage on both of those. d4s on those. MARISHA: Okay, ten damage on the first, eight on the second. MATT: Nice, 18 points of damage on it. That finishes Beau’s turn. It is now the goblins’ go. LIAM: What happened to me? I haven’t gone in a while. TRAVIS: Yeah, you’re next. MATT: You come after the goblins, don’t worry. You’re coming. This one here, who’s up against you, Molly, is going to throw the shortbow over its shoulder, pull out its scimitar, and lash out towards you. That’s going to be a 15 to hit? TALIESIN: AC is 15. MATT: That hits, then. You suffer five points of slashing damage. It strikes across you, backs up, pulls its shield up, and is getting ready to defend itself from whatever assault you bring back at it. It’s going to stay right there, because it’s liking the tree cover to its side, but keeping an eye over its shoulder to Fjord, who tried to fire at it previously. These two goblins are going to step out and they’re going to both fire at Fjord, who is advancing towards them. That is going to be a 20 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: And a ten to hit. TRAVIS: Does not hit. MATT One arrow, the other manages to catch you in the side of the neck and stick in, before it falls out of the wound. Not deep enough to stick you too hard, but you do suffer eight points of piercing damage. That’s max damage, and I need you to make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: 24. MATT: You resist the poison, no issue. This one is going to use the rest of its movement to dart behind there. This one’s going to move behind there. These two here that are along with Nott are going to ignore Nott. This one is going to start moving this way towards where the cart ran off, and it’s off the grid there. This one is going to saunter up right next to Nott and make a shot at Yasha. That’s a natural 17, so it’s going to be 21 to hit. You are raging, though, so you take half damage. Which is good, that’d be seven points of piercing damage reduced to three, so you take three points of piercing damage. You do have to make a constitution saving throw. All of the arrows they have are dipped in some sort of a toxin or venom. TALIESIN: What’s the effect of the toxin or venom again? MATT: It poisons. They get the poisoned condition. ASHLEY: I rolled a natural one. MATT: With that, even in your form, the poison begins to take hold, and where the wound catches you off the side of the throat and the back of the head, the veins begin to pulse black as the poison begins to take hold. You are poisoned. LAURA: You’re still really cool looking, though! MATT: You don’t take any additional damage, but currently all of your attacks are at disadvantage. MARISHA: It goes really well with the wings. MATT: It does, actually. LAURA: That’s what poison does? You get disadvantage on all your attacks if you’re poisoned? MATT: Poisoned: Disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks. LAURA: That sucks. MATT: It’s pretty rough. That ends that guy’s turn. There’s one goblin back here. Seeing that Molly is currently engaged, it’s going to rush up behind and attempt to flank the back of him. It’s going to make a strike with its scimitar, with advantage because it’s flanking you. That’s cocked. Even its highest roll there is a seven plus four, that’s 11. It goes to strike and you see it coming, hearing the little footsteps behind you, you duck out of the way as it strikes, hitting air, and now you’re holding them off on both sides. I think that’s all of them that have gone, so that is going to lead us to Caleb. LIAM: I’m poisoned, so any attack rolls are at disadvantage, correct? MATT: Correct. LIAM: I’m going to struggle to my feet, and I’m going to cast Sleep over and away in that direction, so it falls way back behind the ogre and these two wolves. The goal is to get the ogre and two wolves just on the edges of it, so it doesn’t hit any of my friends. I’m aiming far behind them to get them on the perimeter. MATT: To get these two here? LIAM: The wolves are the primary goal, stopping short of Jester. They are the wall, the outer edge. MATT: Go ahead and roll the points for sleep. It’s not concentration, so you get to maintain Slow. TRAVIS: What does a 20-foot sphere look like on the map? Four squares? MATT: 20-foot radius? TRAVIS: Yeah, 20-foot sphere. Jesus. MARISHA: That’s fucking big. ASHLEY: Wait, did you get the little goblin back there? MATT: The 20-foot radius sphere? TRAVIS: It just says 20-foot sphere. LIAM: Bad roll, 13 hit points total. MATT: 13 hit points total? This one falls unconscious, that one stays up. TRAVIS: Area’s 20 feet, so it should be– MATT: Ten foot radius, then. That would be there. Half the size. LIAM: I got to standing, which would take half my movement, so I’m going to use my last 15 feet to get exactly opposite to the other side of the wall by sliding around it. And killing Jester. LAURA: You’re alive! How did– LIAM: Haha, funny joke. MATT: Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’ll use my 30 feet to run towards this goblin. MATT: Five, ten, 15, 20. TRAVIS: Great, and I will use Booming Blade to make a melee attack against him. MATT: All right, go for it. SAM: (Texas drawl) Booming Blade. MATT: As you draw your falchion out of the side, you focus on it, and as you do so, this spark of electrical thunder energy engulfs the edge of it as you strike downward. TRAVIS: That is 18 plus seven, 23. MATT: That hits, roll damage. TRAVIS: It’s a d8 plus the thunder damage. This is the first time I’ve used it, I’m real excited. (counting) MATT: An additional 1d8. TRAVIS: Eight, so 18 points. MATT: 18 point of damage. With that, as you cut down into the goblin, the blade sinks in partway through the torso, and then the burst causes it to tear apart in two different directions, exploding, spattering across the tree and the side of the ogre that’s ten feet in front of you. Doesn’t seem to notice. TRAVIS: With Booming Blade, is that just one of my two attacks per action? MATT: No, it’s an action to use the cantrip, then you get an attack as part of it, so you have to decide between doing two attacks with your invocation that you took, or– TRAVIS: Lesson learned, and I’ll use the rest of my action to get up on the back. MATT: Your movement? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m sorry, the rest of my movement. So that’s 20, 25, 30. MATT: You’re not quite flanking, you have to get one more square to be flanking with Yasha, but Yasha can possibly move and make that flanking on your turn, if you’d like. That ends Fjord’s turn. Molly, you’re up. SAM: Yeah, Mollymauk! TALIESIN: I’m going to get the one in front of me. First attack, that’s all right. That’s 19 to hit. MATT: 19 hits, that works. TALIESIN: That’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. As you carve through, it cuts a giant gash down the front of its body to part of its thigh. It’s wounded, very badly, but still standing. SAM: What did you attack? MATT: Carved that goblin right there. TALIESIN: One more. 19 to hit. MATT: That’ll hit. TALIESIN: That’s nine points of damage. MATT: What you do is, you strike once and it sticks into his body, then as he’s still living, you double down push, and force it the rest of the way down, carving it in half, and it splits in half and is destroyed. TALIESIN: I’m going to turn around to the one that’s behind me. I’m going to take a third hit. MATT: Striking down overhand towards it behind you. TALIESIN: 12. MATT: Total of 12? TALIESIN: Total of 12. MATT: Does not hit. He’s ready for you, and the shield catches your blade. It sticks into it for a second, and shoves it off with you. TALIESIN: That’s everything. Well, I could move, but no. I’m going to stay locked with this one then. No, I’m done. MATT: I forgot to attack with that other ogre last turn, but that’s okay. He was slowed, it’s fine. Now the ogres go. This one is going to continue to pummel you, as now you’ve pummeled it, so it gets two strikes against you. TALIESIN: I’m going to use– disadvantage. MARISHA: Oh, thank you. TALIESIN: You’re welcome. MATT: That’s going to put him at a nine, so the first strike misses. Are you going full amplified? The second strike also has disadvantage. TRAVIS: What is that called? SAM: Full amplify. MATT: That’s going to be a 15. MARISHA: Whoa, miss. MATT: Both swings go wide as its eyes suddenly are filled with blackened blood, and it can’t see where you are. It hits the side of the tree and the tree actually tumbles over onto the ground there. MARISHA: Firewood! MATT: The other ogre who’s now in front of Yasha as you approached it, it’s caught off guard. “Smash scary thing!” It’s going to take two strikes towards you. TALIESIN: Isn’t it still slowed? MATT: Yeah. It was one action as multiattack. TALIESIN: Oh, it’s two. Okay. MATT: That’s going to be a 14. What’s your armor class? ASHLEY: 14. LAURA: Whoa, we need to get you some AC. MATT: That’s going to be a 13. Second one misses, but the first one does hit. That is 17 points of bludgeoning damage, halved to eight. It’s still (grunting), it’s like it’s trying to push through molasses every time it strikes or swings at you. It’s going to attempt to shift around, not even noticing Fjord there at the moment, around this way. Fjord, you do get an attack of opportunity against it. TRAVIS: I do. Amazing. That is 26 to hit. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. TRAVIS: Is this considered a monstrosity or a beast? MATT: It is not. It is considered technically a giant. TRAVIS: Gotcha. 13 points of damage. MATT: Nice. That finishes your reaction on that. Ogre’s turn is done. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay. I’ll hold up the hand crossbow, point it in Yasha’s general vicinity, and say: I’ll finish the job, sister! I will fire at the ogre. MATT: Okay. SAM: Oh no! Only a 13– oh wait, no, it went up. 14. MATT: That hits. Ogre is a big target. SAM: Yeah. I think I get all the sneak attack? MATT: You do. SAM: Ugh. LAURA: I saw one that was good and I was like: Oh, no. SAM: 15 plus Fury of the Small. 19. MATT: Ooh, nice! As it’s looming around, it gets struck by Fjord as it’s trying to stomp around Yasha, trying to pull away from that situation. You shoot towards the base of its skull and it sticks in and the left arm for a second goes numb and it has to flex its muscle to snap the bolt in its neck, leaving part of it still lodged in the base of its skull, but at least now it’s got the use of its other arm back, and goes to clutch onto the club, still moving slowly and sluggish with every movement. SAM: All right. MATT: That’s your action? SAM: Yes, I’ll say: Shit, I missed! Let me try again! I’ll reload and I’ll go pop and shoot the goblin right next to me. MATT: Okay! (laughter) SAM: Oh no, I missed! MARISHA: That was so badass, though! MATT: As you do so, it was literally holding the shield in front of it, and you just shoot the shield. (growl) MARISHA: Oh no! (laughter) TRAVIS: You’re just teeth-to-teeth! (growl) MATT: That finishes your turn, Nott? SAM: I have movement, but if I move away– no, I’ll just stick. MATT: All right. That finishes your turn. That brings us to Jester and Yasha. Jester. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to cast Sacred Flame at the wolf in front of me. MATT: Wisdom save for him. That’s going to be– LAURA: It’s dex. Sacred Flame. MATT: Right, dex. It’s a 13. LAURA: Does not succeed. MATT: Roll damage. LAURA: 2d8. Oh, five damage to him. Dang it. Then I’m going to cast, for my bonus action, Spiritual Weapon! MATT: Oh shit! SAM: Spiritual Weap! MATT: Where do you want to place it? LAURA: Here. Oh, you have one? I want it right in front of me because I might as well have it crash down on the wolf as well! MATT: There you go. Roll for a strike on that wolf. LAURA: Okay. That is 16. MATT: 16 hits! LAURA: That is a d8 plus four, that’s nine points of damage to the wolf. MATT: Nine points of damage to the wolf. It clubs down– (yelp) You watch as one of the shoulders breaks. It’s barely standing. It’s like (groaning). LAURA: Damn it! MATT: Does that finish your turn? LAURA: Yeah, because I can’t move; he’ll attack me. But he’s going to attack me anyway! MATT: Up to you. What do you want to do? LAURA: He could attack Caleb, though. He’ll probably attack me. I’m going to stay right there. MATT: Okay. Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: It’s time. Okay. I’m going to attack the giant, big thing. MATT: You have disadvantage because you are poisoned still. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: But she’s raging. ASHLEY: Do I need to roll for it? MATT: You’re raging, but you have to roll twice and take the lower, unless you do reckless, in which case it will balance it. ASHLEY: Okay. Yeah, I’ll do reckless, I’m sorry. I didn’t say that before I rolled, so I’m not going to do it. Okay. I roll it again. MATT: What was that first one? The first attack? ASHLEY: It was 16. The first one. MATT: 16 hits. Second one is? ASHLEY: 13. MATT: 13 still hits. It’s a big target. Its AC is lower because of the Slow spell. He’s like super-easy to hit. His armor class is effectively nine right now. TRAVIS: Oh, shit. ASHLEY: Divine Fury. SAM: By the way, Matt, last round I should have done 20 points of damage, not 19 because I’m level five now. MATT: That’s true. ASHLEY: 23 for the first hit. MATT: 23 for the first hit? How do you want to do this? (cheering) ASHLEY: Okay, I’d like to take out my blade, and I’m going to put it up to his chest, and I’m going to grab him on the shoulder and I’m going to yank him down the blade. (appreciative groaning) MATT: As you pull him over the blade, it pushes up into the clavicle and up into the throat. It emerges, actually knocking your bolt out of the body because the blade managed to shove it outside of it, and as it slowly gurgles to the ground and collapses, the Hex is gone, the Slow is gone, and the ogre is gone. TRAVIS: That regains nine hit points for me because of Hexblade’s Curse. Thank you! TALIESIN: Oh, that’s cool. SAM: Matt’s falling apart. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: I know. I hit my sleeve. It’s all good. I got it! SAM: How will the writers communicate with him? MARISHA: Your identity! LAURA: It happens. Oh, it’s magnets? MATT: Yeah, magnets. SAM: Without those, we’ll see his feminine wrists. (laughter) MATT: What’s wrong with that? You have another attack, if you want to move and attack something else. ASHLEY: Okay, so I will move. Can I make it to this? MATT: Oh, easily. You saunter up aside from Beau. Beau, as you’re pummeling, you look over your shoulder and have Yasha arrive, eyes black, giant skeletal wings. MARISHA: Dude, you look dope. I just want to say. TRAVIS: She just snaps to you. MARISHA: You’re fucking hot! Let’s go! MATT: Fear effect only happens when you initiate it. It’s not– ASHLEY: Okay, great. Okay, I will attack him now. TALIESIN: Welcome to the world of tanking. ASHLEY: One less d6 because it’s not the first attack, right? So 2d6. MATT: Correct, 2d6. Plus five. You do get to deal extra necrotic damage to it, equal to your level. Because of your transformation. ASHLEY: Because of the transformation. MATT: An additional five damage to this. ASHLEY: Okay. Oh, on top of the extra five? It’s plus ten? Okay. SAM: Jesus. ASHLEY: 21. MARISHA: She’s going to fucking kill this motherfucker. MATT: 21 points of damage. SAM: 21 points against who? MARISHA and TALIESIN: The other ogre. SAM: Oh, shit! TRAVIS: Yasha came to game, dawg! ASHLEY: (growls) MATT: That finishes your turn. MARISHA: I thought she was going to take him out, too. MATT: They’ve been beaten around quite heavily at this point, and it looks like some of them may have been previously wounded from something else. You have carved a giant chunk out of its torso. That finishes your turn. The wolves go. One of them is still asleep. The other one that’s currently being harried by three of you is going to attempt to strike– ah, damn it. There we go. Lollipop. It’s going to attempt to strike at you. Nope, that’s a 14. LAURA: Ha! MATT: At this point, that finishes the wolf’s turn. The other one is sleeping, unconscious. Top of the round, Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going towards this fucking ogre. I’m going to do a pole vault situation. Lift myself up, and then come down with a big ol’ slap. First strike. Okay! 20 total for the first one. Okay, that’s not good, five damage. MATT: Five damage. MARISHA: Second one, I’m on his shoulders and I’m coming down, that’s another 20 total. MATT: That hits, roll damage. MARISHA: Fucking– okay, nine damage. MATT: (whacking) (snarl) You actually jam it in part of the giant wound. Part of its muscle is flopping over from where Yasha had struck him. LAURA: Hit under his arm! Hit his ribs like you did with me! Hit his ribs! MARISHA: Hit his ribs? Okay! Hearing Jester, I’m going to do Flurry of Blows, which I wasn’t going to do, but hearing Jester, I’m going to because I felt so fucking inspired. I’m going to, leaning off of the ogre, do like a (pop pop pop pop) into his ribs. MATT: All right. Two strikes. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: You almost shattered that screen! MARISHA: Yes, I did. First one is 19, second one is 13. MATT: Hits. MARISHA: Okay! Fucking want to (mumbling). Die! Okay, first one is a seven, second one is a six. MATT: All right. Seven and six. Nice. MARISHA: (yelling) Ah, damn it! MATT: You’re pummeling its torso, and its belly is (jiggling). MARISHA: As I’m punching, I’m going: Die! Die! MATT: That ends Beau’s go. It’s now the goblins’ turn. Yeah. They’re going to flee. This one’s just running. SAM: Do I get a–? MATT: You don’t have a melee weapon ready. Because you have your crossbow out. SAM: Oh. Sure. TRAVIS: Is that you next to him? SAM: I mean, I can’t use my crossbow as a melee– no. MATT: Yeah, it doesn’t work that way. SAM: Can I do a hand punch? MATT: Sure, I’ll let you do that. LAURA: Hey! SAM: 20. MATT: Strength bonus, not dexterity. SAM: 20. MATT: Okay, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Strength bonus. LAURA: Yeah, 17. SAM: Oh, 17. MATT: One damage plus your strength modifier. SAM: My unarmed strike says plus three to hit for some reason. I have no idea why. MATT: What’s your strength modifier? SAM: Zero. MATT: You do one point of damage to it as you slug it in the back of the head, it runs off the board in this direction. This one is going to run this way. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a– MATT: Yes, you do. Go for it. TALIESIN: That’s 19. MATT: That hits. Go ahead and roll damage. TALIESIN: That’s five points of damage. MATT: Five points of damage. You strike past it. It keeps running, charges this direction. The ogre right now, being surrounded and watching the rest of its fellows run away, is backing up and looking, “Where Emmett?!” Oh yeah, thank you. He’s blocked from my position. He is going to, seeing everything else fleeing, scatter as well. Just runs off the map. That finishes their go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Yeah, okay, I’m going to start muttering under my breath and stretch out two hands and send two Magic Missiles: one at the one that ran that way, and two at this one, and two at the one that ran that way. MATT: Okay. You’re casting it at level two? LIAM: I’m casting it at level two. MATT: Yeah, so it’s two missiles each. Go ahead and roll damage. 1d4 plus one per missile. LIAM: Okay, so the one that was near Nott is three and seven for that one. MATT: He gets hit by both, continues to run. He’s wounded, but still alive. LIAM: Verdammt. Two, three and seven for that one as well. MATT: Seven for this one? The one that’s running past Molly, both missiles hit it from two different sides, and his head pops open from both sides of the force damage hitting it. Its body runs for like three more steps before it (boom) onto the ground on its own. LIAM: I will just stay put. MATT: Okay, finishing Caleb’s go. Fjord, you’re up. Molly, you’re on deck. TRAVIS: Amazing. I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Hex on that tall– LAURA: (Texan accent) Drink of water? TRAVIS: Yeah. On that waterfall of ugliness. MATT: Okay. You have your sword in your hand, and the shield. TRAVIS: Oh. I’ll drop the sword. MATT: Okay, so you drop the sword. Cast Hex to strike this fellow. TRAVIS: I will send two bursts of Eldritch Blast in its direction. MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: That’s a 13. MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: And a 16. MATT: Hits. Roll damage for each. SAM: He’s going down. TRAVIS: That’s eight and six and 1d6. 12. MATT: Do that twice because you hit it twice. TRAVIS: Oh. 13. MATT: 13 points of damage? TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: I’ll see them whaling on that big fucker and I release the falchion and send two across the way at him. MATT: Okay. Beau’s been pummeling it, Yasha carved into it, it’s looking like it’s ready to flee. As it turns around this way, it sees this flash of greenish light out of the corner of its eye, looks back. They both impact right in the chest, outside of its shoulder blades in the back, two blasts of crimson, leaving these two smoking holes in its chest that you can partially see through, and it falls back, knocking this tree over in the process. The rest, the surviving goblins have seemingly scattered, leaving you in the battlefield with one wolf that is unconscious. (laughter) SAM: Take it as a pet! MATT: That finishes Fjord’s go. TRAVIS: Indeed. MATT: Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to run towards the horses, where they came off to the left, and as I pass that wolf, I’m going to take a couple swipes at it. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: That’s an 18 and a 17 roll. MATT: Yeah, roll some damage. TALIESIN: Let’s just see what that does, before I see if I even take a third shot. That’s (counting) 18 points of damage. MATT: The wolf is misted. TALIESIN: I’m going to keep heading towards the cart to see if that goblin is still there. LAURA: Yeah, Molly! MATT: You get right up next to Beau and that’s the extent of it there. That ends your turn, Molly? Ogres are done. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Oh. I’m going to turn and chase the goblin that ran away from me. MATT: You start giving chase? SAM: Mm-hmm. MATT: You run; you see him. You get up to this point and you can see where he is. SAM: How far away is he? LIAM: It would’ve been about 60 feet away from you if he used his action to dash. MATT: He’s 60 feet away from you. He’s right where he is, essentially, and you got that far. He’s 30 feet from you. SAM: Okay. Well, with 30 feet, I will take a shot. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Okay. SAM: That’s a 20-something MATT: Yeah, that hits. Go ahead and roll damage. SAM: Okay. Just one, right? MATT: Mm-hmm. SAM: Seven points of damage. MATT: Seven points of damage to him. All right, he has seven from him. SAM: He had seven from the magic missile. MATT: Yeah, magic missile. Yeah, that’s enough. SAM: Plus a one point punch. MATT: You release the crossbow. It falls to the ground, breathing hard and tries to stand up, falls down to its knee again, and then collapses on the ground, no longer moving. SAM: Cool. I can’t see the other one that went towards the horses, right? MATT: Nope, not at the moment. SAM: All right, I’m going to use my bonus action to dash closer to the body to see if I can recognize this goblin. MATT: Okay. You move up to it. We’ll get to that next round. For the narrative purposes of this, nothing is currently engaging you in combat. The wolf that is on death’s door is currently unconscious and bleeding out from the spell that you gave it. LIAM: I would have said if we’d gotten around to it that if I could go another 30 feet in this direction, if I could still see the last goblin that went this way, I would fire off more magic missiles to finish it. But that’s only if I can see it. MATT: Make a perception check with disadvantage, because it is dark and at night. LIAM: Terrible. Six. MATT: Nah, he’s gone. It darted off. One survivor made it. For the purposes of ease here, you’ve managed to finish off the wolf that’s currently unconscious really quickly. Molly, you’re standing next to it and it’s on the ground. TALIESIN: Well, yeah, and I’m heading my way because I saw that one run off to the– MATT: You had the bonus action, because you didn’t use it. You’re going to run up and put it out of its misery. You guys gather at this point, and with your wounds, the poison still (throbbing) in your veins for both you and Caleb. Around the corner, you see there’s the horse cart, about 30 to 40 feet from where you are, and there’s one goblin grabbing a bunch of sacks. He’s like, (excited panting). He turns around and sees all of you standing there in the clearing, and goes– TRAVIS: Drop it. MATT: He goes into a full sprint in the opposite direction. LIAM: Magic Missile. MATT: Roll damage. Level one? LIAM: No. Let’s do level three. TALIESIN: With a Vicious Mockery, too. MATT: That is a 12, so I think it succeeds. It’s unfortunate. TALIESIN: Might as well. LIAM: That’s 20. MATT: 20. You watch him run. These what would be five missiles, anime Gundam-style. The goblin (panting) (poofing) It’s harried repeatedly with these missiles impacting him. It’s pretty rough. With that, silence falls upon the field. Your cart regained and the goblin running off spooks the horses a bit and they pull the cart another ten feet or so, but they eventually slow down. TALIESIN: Go scrape that up off the ground. LIAM: Yeah. Who wants to go with me to go get our stuff? TALIESIN: I was already on my way there. TRAVIS: Yasha? ASHLEY: Is it gone? MATT: At this point, the wings fold and vanish. Her eyes come back to normal color. The white tips of her hair return. TRAVIS: You feeling okay? ASHLEY: I feel fine. Molly has seen this before. If you sometimes startle me out of my sleep, it happens. Sorry. I got startled and I got mad immediately because I saw him. TRAVIS: You had– LAURA: Are you an angel? ASHLEY: I don’t– TRAVIS: You had wings. ASHLEY: Yeah. I guess. It just happens. I don’t know. SAM: Some people have sleep apnea. MARISHA: Yeah. Is that a Xhorhasian thing? ASHLEY: Not that I know of. I was the only one who had this thing. I don’t know. LAURA: At home, you mean? You were the only one of your family that had it? ASHLEY: Yeah. TRAVIS: Can you fly? LAURA: (gasp) ASHLEY: No. LAURA: Have you tried? ASHLEY: Yeah. LAURA: Okay. TRAVIS: Only when you’re really angry? ASHLEY: Yeah, sometimes I get really angry, you know? Don’t you wake up and get off on the wrong side of the cot, and someone startles you awake? I don’t know. LIAM: Caleb, in Celestial, says: No, but really, are you an angel? ASHLEY: I reply back in Celestial. SAM: Oh shit! ASHLEY: I say: Well, of sorts, I guess. LAURA: What did you say? MARISHA: They’re speaking a language. ASHLEY: I didn’t know you spoke this language. LIAM: It’s a secret nerdy language you wouldn’t understand. MARISHA: Oh god, what are they talking about? TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s really– MARISHA: Oh, such FOMO. (laughter) LIAM: Continuing in Celestial. LAURA: Do you want us to leave the table? LIAM: Just Laura! Well, I figure you’re going to have to explain this a bit, either now or later. Do you want to do it now or later? MARISHA: I think he’s hitting on her. I can’t tell, but– ASHLEY: I mean, I will tell you, but– I will tell everyone, it’s fine, but should we clean up or, I don’t know, something? TRAVIS: She’s gesturing an awful lot, I don’t know. MARISHA: Yeah, maybe she’s angry. LAURA: Her face looks angry. LIAM: There’s nothing around, right? Perception check? TRAVIS: Just us! LAURA: Just all of us staring at you. LIAM: Just a ten. Besides you. MATT: You don’t see anything. You seem to be relatively alone. LAURA: I pull down my Spiritual Weapon and start licking it. TALIESIN: It tastes like wolf and ogre. LAURA: Only the parts that hit the wolf and the ogre. TALIESIN: That’s fair. LIAM: In Celestial: The blue one is getting pouty, we better switch back to Common. MARISHA: He seems passive, I don’t know. ASHLEY: Yeah, let’s do it because I’ve– We’ll talk about it, I promise, I just, let’s just– we’ll talk about it, I promise. Okay? Hello. SAM and LAURA: Hello! ASHLEY: It’s nice to talk with someone who has, you know, language from– LAURA: Xhorhas? TRAVIS: What language is that? ASHLEY: I don’t– LAURA: Xhorhasian, I think? MATT: It’s less a Xhorhasian language, and more one that you’re not quite certain why you understand it. ASHLEY: Yeah, it’s Xhorhasian, so it’s amazing that you know. TRAVIS: Caleb, you’re very– LIAM: Well-read. LAURA: He’s a spy. TALIESIN: At this point, am I back with all of the gold and all of the sacks? TRAVIS: Oh, from– SAM: Did I look at the goblins? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: Over 20. 23. MATT: You don’t recognize them. SAM: Do I find anything interesting on the body? MATT: Short bows, scimitars, grungy, some of them coated with excrement and other things to make them nasty when they carve through and infect wounds. TRAVIS: What about the big old weapons that the two bruisers were– are they massive? MATT: Large greatclubs that are carved. ASHLEY: Did he say excrement? MATT: On some of the scimitars. They look nasty. LAURA: Are they wearing underwear? MATT: No. LAURA: (horrified yelling) MATT: But there are a few pouches that haven’t been spilled or utilized entirely of toxin. SAM: Of toxin? Can I grab those? MATT: With that investigation check, you manage to pull five vials of toxin, unused. Each one has a single use on some sort of a weapon. TRAVIS: Five vials of toxin. SAM: I’ve got them. LAURA: I’m going to draw that in my journal. SAM: All right, I’m going to rejoin the group. TRAVIS: Well, not that that wasn’t terribly exciting. Still crazy dark out? MATT: Yeah, it’s middle of the night, maybe one or two in the morning. TRAVIS: Thanks for catching that, you two. If that had snuck up on us, we would have been super fucked. LAURA: Oh my gods, can you imagine what would have happened if they were all over us when we woke up? TRAVIS: Yeah, we would have been paste. Caleb, Nott, thank you. MARISHA: Nott, did you recognize any of those goblins? SAM: I did not. No, this is not my clan at all. Which is not surprising, since we operated not in this area. LAURA: Did you hang out with ogres, too? SAM: No, we did not. I’ve heard of goblins hanging out with ogres before, and I don’t think they’re too dissimilar. But we didn’t. LAURA: Nott, are you okay? SAM: I think so. LAURA: Was it weird to fight other goblins? SAM: It was very rewarding. LAURA: Oh. You liked it? SAM: Yes. I’m only sad that one got away. MARISHA: Nott, do you share the same hatred in yourself? SAM: What do you mean? MARISHA: You seem to hate your kind quite a lot. I don’t know. SAM: Do I hate myself? No, I’m cool. I mean, she had wings, so you want to talk about that instead? MARISHA: Yeah, we can. Yeah, hey. TRAVIS: You seem real excited to hurt your own kind. SAM: Well, I know that I’m a goblin. For as long as I’ve been alive, I haven’t felt comfortable in my skin for as long as I can remember. I just feel like I shouldn’t be– I don’t fit in with them. It’s not just that. This feels wrong, like I should be in a different body. The way they act, and the way they are. It’s just not me. They do horrible things to people, and they seem fine with it, but I don’t know. I never felt the same as them. It’s not that I don’t like myself or anything; I think I’m okay. But I just don’t like how I feel when I see my hands or my feet. They just feel wrong. I want to be different. LIAM: Was there anyone you were close to? SAM: Not in my clan, no. But there was someone. I think I was telling you before that they give you a job as soon as you’re able to do one. They tried me on so many different jobs. But I was not a soldier, I was not a good cook, I wasn’t good at sewing or building. So they stuck me with the torturer. LAURA: What?! SAM: I wasn’t the torturer. I was the torturer’s assistant. LAURA: Oh, you were Nott a torturer. SAM: No. I saw a lot of things, and there was a halfling village not far away. They captured someone from the village and they wanted me to kill him. But instead, I was kind to him, and he started talking. My fellow gobbies didn’t like that, but they allowed it because I was getting valuable information about where the halflings kept their food, and where they went to harvest, and where we could attack them. But I became friends with him. He was nice. LAURA: What happened to him? SAM: Well, I hope he got away. LAURA: Did you leave before he did? SAM: We left together. LAURA: (whispers) Really?! MARISHA: What was his name? SAM: It’s not important. He was just a nice man. LAURA: Did you love him? SAM: I don’t know. He was a chemist, so he taught me about alchemy, and liquids, and potions and things. And he taught me his language. When he had taught me everything he could, they said to kill him. But I didn’t want to, so I got real drunk, and I created a distraction, and I hope he got away. LAURA: What was the distraction? SAM: I shot one of my fellow goblins in the butt. LAURA: That’s good. SAM: He yelled a lot. Then we ran off in separate directions, and I’ve been running ever since. LAURA: Wow. MARISHA: Where would he go? SAM: I assume back to his village. LAURA: But your goblin friends knew where the village was. SAM: Yes, I know, but I don’t know, I can’t go to that village. I’ll be stoned to death. LAURA: Why? But you helped him! SAM: I’m a goblin. LIAM: What if we went with you? SAM: You could maybe go. LAURA: What if we cast Disguise Person on you, and you could find out if he was okay? SAM: I mean, we’re going the opposite direction. LAURA: What if after we do this, we go down there and see? SAM: I don’t know if we should go back. There’s too many bad people around there. What if I run into the tribe? What if someone from the village sees me? They hate goblins. LIAM: Did you see what Yasha just did though? SAM: Yeah, that was freaky deaky. LAURA: We just killed two ogres and some wolves, and a bunch of other goblins. We could probably do some serious damage to your old, mean tribe. MARISHA: Nott, there are bad people everywhere. SAM: I know. MARISHA: Doesn’t mean you have to associate yourself with them. LAURA: Just because you look like them, doesn’t mean that you have to be like them. MARISHA: Yeah, you’re one of us now. And aren’t we great? SAM: Yes? LAURA: There’s that creepy smile again, Beau. MARISHA: I’m trying real hard to not make it super scary. LIAM: I think it is a good idea to go there, when we are finished. SAM: I’m okay for now, just getting away from them has been wonderful. And I’ve met you, Caleb, and you don’t seem to care how I look or who I was. LIAM: I do not care. I know who you are now. If you don’t want to go back there, we don’t have to go back there. But if you actually do, don’t be afraid to ask. I will go with you. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think we all will. MARISHA: I think we’re all a little bit of an island of misfits. TRAVIS: Knowing all that, you showed a lot of bravery tonight. MARISHA: Nott the Brave. SAM: Well. LAURA: Maybe there is a comma. TRAVIS and MARISHA: You earned your comma. SAM: Let’s just call it a hyphen for now. TRAVIS: Gradual steps. SAM: And maybe we’ll move to an ellipsis or something. TRAVIS: Working our way through syntax. ASHLEY: Nott, I’m very sorry we made fun of you eating children. SAM: That’s okay. I haven’t eaten any children! I have no desire to eat children! But I’ve seen children being eaten, and goblins are awful. They’re terrible in every way. If you’re not good, they cut you, or kill you or throw you away. ASHLEY: Wait, so you ran away? SAM: As fast as I could. MARISHA: What got you locked up with this guy? SAM: Being me. I think I was probably stealing some food or something. LIAM: You told me it was cherry wine. SAM: All right, it was booze. MARISHA: Cherry wine’s real good though. SAM: But you know they’re not wrong, right? The people who arrested me are not incorrect. If you see a goblin, you should kill it on sight. TRAVIS: Well, no. LAURA: Maybe not, though. SAM: Yes. LAURA: Maybe some of them are nice like you. SAM: Absolutely not. None of them are. ASHLEY: You can’t be the only one. SAM: I have never met another nice one. Ever. And I really tried! LAURA: In your tribe. Have you gone to other tribes? SAM: No. LAURA: Maybe you were just in a really shitty tribe. SAM: It feels like I was in a very average tribe. TRAVIS: There could be enlightened tribes out there, committed to changing their ways. SAM: That would be fine for them, but like I said, this is not me. I don’t want to be this. TRAVIS: That’s fine. You’re with us. SAM: I’m never going to be cool with this. Ever. MARISHA: I’ve counted. You’ve said “not"like five times, in a circumstance that’s not your name. It’s super inspiring in a weird way. It’s all like super relevant. Just throwing it out there. MATT: There’s a crack of thunder. The rain begins to come down as one of the slowly encroaching storms begins to pour down in the middle of the night. TALIESIN: Well, I’m sleeping underneath the cart. I’m picking up all the stuff. This has been very enlightening. There is probably going to be lightning. Anyone else who wants to join me? LAURA: I don’t know if we will all fit. TALIESIN: We’ll snuggle. TRAVIS: I’m all right in the rain. ASHLEY: Same. MARISHA: Yeah. LAURA: I’m okay in the rain. SAM: Too much water. LAURA: I am! TALIESIN: I’m going to make a little camp underneath the cart. MARISHA: I don’t know if I can sleep. LAURA: I need to sleep. I got injured. MARISHA: I’ll take the next watch. ASHLEY: I can take the first watch. I’d like to stay outside for a little bit. TRAVIS: I’ll take the first– oh wait. ASHLEY: Who had– did you– were you doing it? MARISHA: Boulders, parchment, shears for first watch. TRAVIS: No, y'all got it. I’m just up anyway. LAURA: I’m going to sleep. TALIESIN: Join me under the cart? LAURA: Oh, all right. SAM: Are we on? What’s going on? LIAM: We’re arguing about who’s going to take the first watch. TRAVIS: You can sleep in the rain or under the cart. LIAM: We could finish the watch that we didn’t really finish. SAM: Sure, let’s do that. LIAM: Why don’t you take the next one? MATT: Taking the final watch? Roll perception for me if you don’t mind. TALIESIN: A band of– MATT: Disadvantage for the darkness. LIAM: Can I say something short to Nott before we switch to the last? MATT: Sure. LIAM: Sitting in the rain. You know, I never talked about my past for obvious reasons, and I didn’t want questions pointed back at me. Still no pressure on you, but if you ever want to talk more about it, the door is always open for you, Nott. When you are ready. SAM: Thank you, Caleb. I tasted a baby once, just once. I didn’t know, they were handing around a bowl. I didn’t know what was in it, and then later somebody said there was like– I mean, they put a bunch of different meat in there. How was I supposed to know that it was like a goulashy thing? LIAM: Who am I to judge? SAM: Good night. LIAM: I fall asleep in the mud and rain. MATT: What did you roll? ASHLEY: I didn’t roll yet. LIAM: More ogres and goblins. ASHLEY: 13. MATT: As you complete the final watch, the rain doesn’t subside. The flashes of lightning and the rolling of thunder makes it a bit difficult, but the exhaustion of the previous battle manages to combat that enough for those of you who want to complete your evening’s rest, you do. Until eventually the glow of the morning’s light brings you all to consciousness once more. The rain reduces itself to a drizzle. You gather your materials, do the best you can to warm up, shaking yourself in the cold, damp morning. Gather your cart, slowly head back towards the roadway, and continue your journey towards the Labenda Swamp. And that’s where we will end tonight’s episode. LIAM: Five more hours. MARISHA: Just live here. MATT: If I didn’t have anything to do tomorrow. If I wasn’t flying to Canada tomorrow, I could keep going. SAM: Oh no, you have a thing? MATT: Yeah. SAM: Did I miss that in the announcements? MATT: I think you did. TRAVIS: You just don’t pay attention. MATT: He was too busy with his own. Anyway, thank you guys. We’ll pick this up next week on Thursday from there, as we have about a day’s worth of travel before you get there. With enough speed, you will get there before the next dusk. SAM: Six more battles before we get there. MATT: Oh yeah, totally. Until then, you guys have yourself a wonderful week, we love you very much, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons! Before we get into it for tonight’s game, we’re going to go through some quick announcements, so be patient with this. First and foremost, returning for tonight, our fantastic sponsor for campaign two thus far: our friends at D&D Beyond. Sam? SAM: Yes, D&D Beyond, a consistent and amazing sponsor of our show, wants to let you guys know that Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes is out! Get yours right now on the D&D Beyond website. To celebrate, I called my old friend, Rhody Slater. LAURA: No! SAM: Ready? (As surfer) Hang ten, kahunas and wahines! It’s Rhody Slater! Duck diving the word from D&D Beyond! Yank that leash and wrap up the dawn patrol because if a player in your campaign has a master level subscription, any player that owns Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes can share content with everyone in your party. Frothy, right? Well, kick out your longboard because– Because– (As Sam) You know what, guys? I can’t do this. It’s not D&D Beyond, they’re a great sponsor. It’s me. You know, I just felt like at this point in my career I’d be doing serious shit like Ibsen or O'Neill, but I’m doing this shitty Keanu Reeves voice and writing crappy sitcom catchphrases. No offense, Ashley. This stuff is going to live on the internet forever! My kids are going to watch this and be like like, “Wow, your dad was a loser,” you know? LAURA: Yeah, that’s what we think all the time. SAM: I feel like I can do so much more. (phone rings) SAM: Oh sorry, I’m getting a phone call. This is embarrassing. Hello? Yeah, uh-uh. Really? Yes! I accept! Okay! Thank you. That was my agent. Guys, I booked a two-spot local radio campaign for Lord of the Wings, that new wing place in Chatsworth! Two radio spots! I’m a real actor again! I’m back! All right! Where was I? (As surfer) So wax down that twin fin and pull a thruster on an epic left because D&D Beyond is righteous! Banzai! (as Sam) What a crazy turn of events. MATT: I’m so happy. I’m so proud of you. You did it, Sam. TRAVIS: Congrats man, congrats buddy. Hashtag booked it! MARISHA: Wow, that was so authentic to the actor experience. LAURA: And really believable. SAM: Lord of the Wings is not a bad restaurant. It’s just average. MARISHA: It’s a regional spot! SAM: I might get some residuals. LIAM: On a side note, Matt, you look so quietly pained to hear Mordenkainen bathed in whatever that was. MATT: I wasn’t pained, I was more contemplating the fact that those two facets have never combined until this point probably. (surfer voice) Probably haven’t heard anyone talk about Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere. (normal voice) I like the prospect of a super Big Sur surf tour of D&D wizard names. ASHLEY: Lord of the Wings, I would go there. Just as a side note. Morden-cayenne wings! Let’s do it. TRAVIS: Road trip. MATT: “Would you like your pasta with Saruman the White sauce?” Thank you, Sam, and thank you, D&D Beyond, for being our amazing sponsor. And congratulations on your booking. First up, Vox Machina: Origins the hardcover collection, the actual physical tome of our first six-run comic series will be on sale next week on May 31st! LIAM: So shiny and beautiful! Oh my gosh, Laura wants to hold it. ASHLEY: I love it! SAM: Get your fingerprints off it! LAURA: I just want to look at it, but you said I had to show it. MARISHA: It smells good, too. It smells like new comic. LIAM: Because it is a new comic! MARISHA: Exactly! TALIESIN: It’s got some crazy back matter, too. MATT: It does. Let me see real fast. LAURA: It’s so pretty! MATT: It’s got some fun stuff and it’s got some extra specials in the back. LAURA: Wait, we can show it? Are we going to show it? MATT: I’m going to flip it real fast. We’ve got a map of Stilben. Ooh! It’s gone now. We’ve got character traits and actions. We’ve got magical items! We’ve got sketches and various art pieces that show the process of development. There you go. It’s got a whole bunch of cool extras in the back. Anyway, that’s available next week, May 31st. For all info of the sale of the comic, check out critrole.com. We have it all up there as of right now. Awesome! LIAM: Critrole! MATT: It came back, we couldn’t leave it alone. Stream of Many Eyes is coming up not this weekend, but next weekend. Friday through Sunday, June 1st through the 3rd with our friends at D&D Wizards of the Coast. They’re going to be running a long series of games as they unveil their next upcoming D&D storyline and a bunch of us are going to be there! You go to dnd.wizards.com/some, Stream of Many Eyes, for all the info and tickets for the event. We’ll be there, we look forward to seeing you on the internet or otherwise. Reminder, if you have an Amazon Prime Account you can combine it to your Twitch account and have Twitch Prime which allows you to subscribe for free to one Twitch account per month. If you haven’t reupped, you should do so. Talks Machina is every Tuesday night at 7:00PM Pacific, where our fantastic Brian W. Foster hosts a little chat about whatever happens about tonight’s episode, for next week. SAM: That was the saddest woo-hoo. MATT: That was– yeah. LAURA: Did you just steal the comic book? ASHLEY: Huh? LIAM: Where did it go? ASHLEY: Oh, what? What? TRAVIS: Roll a stealth check. ASHLEY: This is the way I’m shaped, what’s wrong? This is my shape. TRAVIS: The Cube 2.0! ASHLEY: This is my body, leave me alone. LIAM: Oh man, that Ashley, she’s so… boxy. TRAVIS: Boxy! (hums the intro to “Foxy Lady”) MATT: There you go. We have the Critical Role Live dice set in the store, as well as the Vox Machina d20 set is back in stock for a limited time. LAURA: Is it still there? MATT: It’s on the list here. LAURA: Sweet. MATT: If it’s not, I’m sorry. I only read what’s handed to me. I feel like Ron Burgundy. I will be at A-Kon in Texas, Dallas/Fort Worth, June 7th to the 10th. Looking forward to see you guys there. Actually probably the 8th to 10th for me because we have Thursday night that night, but I’ll see you there. I believe those are all of our announcements for the evening which means, it’s time to bring us back into Exandria for tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And welcome back. I forgot one quick thing in the announcements, something I need to get you guys to up to speed on. We’ve partnered with our friends at Stack Up, which is a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping veterans and those in active duty. Stack Up will be giving away specific Critical Role challenge coins as well as special prints by our fantastic Critter artist Amy King. If you want to be part of this fantastic endeavor and see how to acquire your special challenge coin and our print, also go to critrole.com for all the information you need. Make sure I got that in there for you guys, and thank you guys at Stack Up for working with us on this. On that note: last we left off, The Mighty Nein, after spending quite some time in the central city of Zadash had found that war had made its way to the Empire with the far eastern region of Xhorhas and the Kryn dynasty. Upon this conflict, you decided that perhaps it would be best to leave the central urban environment. You decided to dodge a few opportunities brought to you, especially that by the Lawmaster of the city, and instead went and made a conversation with your friend The Gentleman beneath the city in his Underworks. There, he offered two possible work opportunities in which you accepted both. The first of which is going to send you towards the swamp town of Berleben, to the north-northeast. Then from there, head far northeast to Shadycreek Run to converse with and retrieve an ally of his he had not been able to do business with in a while. You gathered your materials, got your wagon and horses, made your way northward on the Bromkiln Byway toward the Labenda Swamp. Along that path, you managed to encounter a shack-living hermited orc of some unknown background. Continuing northward, you slept in a cluster of trees where you were ambushed by a wandering troupe of goblins and ogres. Upon escaping their clutches and defeating most of them– only one, I believe, got free– you gathered what information you could. Managing to keep out of the rain, you slept beneath your cart and awaited the next morning. As we come back in, you all have had your long rest, so if you haven’t marked that in your character sheet, please do so. SAM: And we leveled up. MATT: No. LAURA: Yeah, level six! MATT: No, that didn’t happen. As you come to, the cold morning greets you, the low mist and fog seem to still clutch the outer edges of the forest trees beyond your peripheral. You can just see the dark shapes of the trunks against the obscured gray. The mist and dew that is gathered on the grass and bits of vegetation near the base of the floor where you’ve slept has turned to frost with the cold night. Most of you managed to complete your rest uncomfortably, but awake to chattering teeth and the shaking of your body. Except for Jester. LAURA: I walk around and crunch all of that frost. (crunching) MATT: The morning is yours. What do you wish to do? TRAVIS: What? You never fucking get cold or nothing? LAURA: I don’t think so, no. TALIESIN: Let’s get up and moving. TRAVIS: Yeah, please. Anybody got whiskey or something? Nott! You got any booze? SAM: Of course I do. TRAVIS: Would you mind if I swig? SAM: Sure, here’s my flask. TRAVIS: Thanks. It’s always full. LAURA: Is it always full or it is always almost empty? SAM: Well, I can’t see inside it, so I don’t know. But I’m sure there’s some sort experiment we could do to– It’s all right, you can have as much as you want. It’s endless. LAURA: You don’t have to buy alcohol at all anymore? SAM: No. I mean, I rarely did anyway. I stole it, but now I don’t have to do that either! LAURA: That’s wonderful! SAM: Yeah. I think it’s about two-thirds full most of the time. ASHLEY: May I try it? SAM: Sure. TRAVIS: It’s really good, it spreads through your chest like a fire. LAURA: How do you decide which alcohol is in it? SAM: I decided the first time and that’s what it is, always. LAURA: What if you get sick of it? You can’t empty it out. SAM: Why would I get sick of it? It’s wonderful. LAURA: What if you want to try a different thing like– TALIESIN: Snozzberry. LAURA: Yeah. ASHLEY: Does it only fill up with one kind of alcohol? SAM: Yes, it replenishes with my favorite kind of whiskey. TRAVIS: Which is? SAM: The kind that gets you good and drunk. TRAVIS: Oh good. I didn’t know if it had a name. TALIESIN: I tried the other kind before, and really, it’s not much. ASHLEY: The kind that doesn’t get you drunk is not very good. TRAVIS: Good and drunk. LIAM: Can you get it empty or close to empty if you try? SAM: I could try. LIAM: I am not suggesting you try. SAM: I think it’s a good experiment. TRAVIS: I think so, too. ASHLEY: I do, too. SAM: They already started it. LAURA: Maybe we shouldn’t do that right before we go to the swamp where we’re going to fight people. SAM: Let’s just see what happens! I’ll drink a bunch. MATT: Okay. You are very drunk. SAM: Did it get lower? LIAM: I grab and shake it, with my thumb over the spigot. MATT: It’s still filled with liquid. I mean, you drank a lot, and it still feels like half-full. TRAVIS: Should you puke it up? SAM: (slurred) I don’t want to waste it. LAURA: You can’t really waste it. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s bottomless. TALIESIN: You’ve already used it at this point, really. SAM: (slurred) I guess I could. Should I throw up now? LAURA: Maybe you should try. MARISHA: In the name of science. SAM: Stick something down my throat. TRAVIS: Nott, just put your finger down your throat. LAURA: I find a stick. Open up! SAM: (yelling and gagging) Did it work? MATT: Eventually, yes. LAURA: I don’t want to hurt your throat, you know. TRAVIS: Face pointing up, though, so it projectile Bouncing Betty vomits everywhere? MATT: In a very Ren and Stimpy fashion, Jester begins jamming this stick into Nott’s gullet, before the brackish brown whiskey comes back up in a mild spray against the nearby, now damp, dirt and grass. TRAVIS: Is it steaming in the early morning cold? MATT: It would be. LAURA: But do you feel better though? SAM: No, not really. LIAM: Probably not, how is your esophagus after that? SAM: A little sticky. TRAVIS: A little salsa? SAM: Yeah. MARISHA: A little burny? LIAM: How many fingers am I holding up? SAM: I think four? LIAM: How many members of The Mighty Nein are there? SAM: Nine. LIAM: She’s okay. SAM: But two are always gone. LIAM: It’s true. ASHLEY: I feel like when I see someone else throw up I feel almost like I do (retching). No? TALIESIN: No. TRAVIS: That’s a violent reaction. LIAM: Jester, help her out there, she’s in need. LAURA: Do you want me to stick something down your throat? ASHLEY: No, I mean, I don’t know if that will help. I think it was just gross to see (retching). Uh-oh. It’s still happening. TALIESIN: Is it just seeing someone throw up or is it also hearing the sound that makes it worse? If I just went (retching) does that– ASHLEY: Yeah, I think it’s the sound, too. TALIESIN: Okay. LIAM: Looking at our map, how much longer do I think we have to go to get to our destination? MATT: If you move quickly, you can probably get there right around sunset. MARISHA: Is this quickly like “not paying close attention” quickly? MATT: It’s “not carefully and quietly” quickly. TRAVIS: I think we’re good for that. MARISHA: Yeah, we’re fine. TRAVIS: We’re not concerned at all about that– what do you call it when you get ambushed? MARISHA, LIAM, and TALIESIN: Ambush. TRAVIS: Last night. SAM: You’re our strategy guy, right? TRAVIS: Yep. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: It’s early in the morning, I’m not awake yet. LAURA: We beat them, though. TALIESIN: We’ve been traveling for years, we’ve been ambushed dozens of times. TRAVIS: I’m just checking. Didn’t know if anybody was alarmed. LAURA: Is it normally ogres that ambush you? TALIESIN: No, that was new and exciting. ASHLEY: Especially if we’re staying on the main path, you know, we’ll see anything that pops up. TRAVIS: Fair enough. LIAM: We want to rush? You want to rush? Let’s take it slow and we’re going to get to the swamp just as the sun is going down if we rush, and that is full of nasty things, I’m sure. TRAVIS: That’s actually a very good point. LIAM: If we go slower– TALIESIN: We get there in the day. LIAM: Yeah. TRAVIS: Carefully then? TALIESIN: I don’t mind camping out. LAURA: One more time? TALIESIN: One more time. LIAM: You all are an enjoyable lot, it will be fun. LAURA: That was very believable, Caleb. MARISHA: I think he was being genuine. TALIESIN: That was very impressive. Thank you. MARISHA: I feel like that was the most emotion– LAURA: I think I’ve ever seen. TRAVIS: Is Caleb blushing at all? MARISHA: A little. His ears are getting a little pink. LIAM: Maybe a little. TRAVIS: All right, saddle up them dogies. (laughter) LAURA: Does anybody else want to drive the cart today, or do you want me to keep driving it? TALIESIN: I’ll drive if you want to switch out later on. LAURA: Yeah. TALIESIN: All right. I got it. Nott, I assume you want to be in back. MATT: Molly up front keeping the horses on task, you guys pick up the pace and get back out of the forest main cluster and onto the Bromkiln Byway heading north-northeast once more. LIAM: Carefully. MATT: Are you moving at the slowest pace? LAURA: Not the slowest pace. TRAVIS: Medium. A five. LAURA: A normal pace. MATT: (singing) I drive the cart at a medium pace. LIAM: Not willy-nilly, not galloping pace. MATT: Pressing forward, what two are maintaining a watch as you progress? LAURA and LIAM: I want to watch. MATT: One of you is aiding the other. Who is helming the roll? LAURA: I want to stand on the cart and stand up for the ride and look around. MATT: It’s like Muad'Dib riding the sandworm, standing up. LAURA: I’ll put my hands on Molly’s horns and– TALIESIN: I’m into this. ASHLEY: I’ll take the back. Caleb, can I hold Frumpkin again? LAURA: Am I rolling twice? LIAM: Twice, yes. ASHLEY: I like him. TALIESIN: I also do have a large tapestry that’s relatively clean if anyone’s feeling cold. SAM: That’s not good. Could we make that tapestry into coats? LAURA: Nine! Because it’s appropriate. MATT: For the first half of the day, you continue along the path. It gets rough in places, and at one point one of the wheels slams into a rock. You have to double check and make sure it didn’t take any damage. It seems to be okay. LIAM: We saw that. TALIESIN: I can drive. MATT: For the first half of the day, nothing catches your eye in particular. The mist has burned off at this point, and a bit of sunlight is breaking through the clouds. It seems the storm from the evening before has passed. You can see now over the mostly gray cloud cover, there are breaks in it, from this distance you can see these visible beams of sunlight slowly coasting across the grass fields as you see the heavy, high grass pushing and pulling with each burst of breeze that makes its way across the valley. It’s very beautiful here in the center of the Empire. It’s a very relaxing ride, though you know you’re book-ending your travel with tension to stress, so you’re taking this moment to appreciate what it is the Empire protects and what the people within are fighting for in the coming conflict. Second half if the day, same people on watch? MARISHA and ASHLEY: I’ll take a watch. LAURA: I’ll sit down, I’ve been standing for such a long time. MATT: It’s true, give those ankles a rest. Who’s helming the roll? MARISHA: I’ll helm. MATT: You’re aiding Beau. Roll with advantage. MARISHA and MATT: 18. MARISHA: Sorry, 17. MATT: 17, all right. Continuing your pace, Beau as you’re watching out, from a north-northwestern direction, you see a dark shape come over one of the hilltops, wide and encompassing. MARISHA: Moving? MATT: It seems to be. A number of miles out of the way, almost on the horizon, you can see this series of rolling hills in that direction that obscure what lies beyond that area. You watch as one of the hills goes dark on top, like the coloration gets covered in shade. MARISHA: What does the weather look like? Are there clouds in the sky? MATT: There are clouds in the sky, especially at this time of year, it’s generally pretty cloudy here in the Empire. You’ve seen breaks in the clouds as you’ve traveled for most of the day, it’s been warmer than usual, so it’s been a welcome change of pace from what you’re used to, but this is not characteristic of cloud cover, as most everything here has some level of shade. TRAVIS: Still rolling grasslands, or are there trees off to the side? MATT: There are bits of trees and clusters of them, nothing that would be considered a major forest. What you slept in the night before has probably been the largest cluster you’ve seen in your travel today so far. This catches you. MARISHA: It looks like the landscape is going dark? Not something moved in front of it, or like something is moving? MATT: Correct. Best you can tell at this distance. MARISHA: Who’s got good eyes and knows about clouds and shit? NOTT: Caleb knows about clouds. LIAM: I’ve spent a long time on the road, too. MARISHA: Does that look natural to you? MATT: You both look out there and as you travel for the next ten minutes or so, you can see faint glimmers in that moving shadow as a bit of sunlight travels over it. It’s at that moment you realize what this is. It’s a legion. What was a dark shadow appears to be hundreds and hundreds of soldiers, an army regiment that is shifting from the northwestern side of the Empire to cross over the byway, heading east. As you continue your pace forward, you get to a point where you may intersect with their path if you continue, or you can slow down or speed up. It’s your choice. LIAM: There are a lot of soldiers ahead, and I don’t think we should have anything to do with them. LAURA: Plus if we wait, it’ll take a really long time for them to cross the road. LIAM: That’s a very good point. MARISHA: If we move, though, we have to move fast, and maybe a little bit carefully. LAURA: Let’s go! Go! MARISHA: All right. MATT: With that (galloping) the horses begin to pick up pace. You all grab the sides of the cart as it begins to whir and kick its way across the street. The horses galloping, framing the two different sides of the cart as you pick up speed. You come up over one of the hills and then down another embankment. As you curve around the side, there’s a part where the grass has overgrown a large majority of the road here, but you coast through the center. LAURA: We should stand up and ride it like a surfboard! TALIESIN: Let’s not do that. SAM: Like Teen Wolf? LAURA: Yeah! MATT: Make a general animal handling check if you don’t mind, Molly. TALIESIN: Seven? MATT: Okay. SAM: That’s terrible. MATT: As you hit that portion of the road, you’re having a hard time steering the horses, you’re not entirely familiar enough to pull on the rein of multiple at a single time to get the shift and movement. They begin to careen a little bit off of the path, almost trying to hide into the grass embankment which slows your movement down ever so slightly, before (impact) one of the wheels suddenly (impact and scraping). It is now digging into the ground. TALIESIN: I can desperately try and right the stuff, I suppose. LAURA: Did it break the wheel? MATT: The cart is now sitting at a backward angle and it’s slowing down. LAURA: We could climb to the other side of the cart and try to balance it so the wheel comes up. TALIESIN: I’m going to pull hard on the reins, see if I can get it out of the– SAM: And continue, or stop? TALIESIN: Oh, are we “stop” stopped? MATT: It’s grinding to a halt. TALIESIN: Okay, I’m stopping the whole thing really quickly. ASHLEY: I’m going to hop off the horse and go look. MARISHA: Can I go ahead a little bit and see if I find any hidden paths that might cut through this field, off the main road? Scout ahead a little bit. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. You go and check. It looks like some sort of heavy rock that was hidden and obscured in the grass, just off the road, had slammed into both wheels on the left side. The front one had bent, the wood splintered inward and the metallic rim on the inside had bent inward. The other one had completely been pushed inward and knocked at the angle, it’s pretty wrecked. LAURA: Oh no, is it fixable? MATT: Do any of you guys have tools to fix a wagon? LAURA: Would we know? MATT: What toolkits would you have at your disposal? LIAM: Your background would tell you, if you chose a background, what bag of shit you have. MATT: Your background may have abilities that could help you in this scenario as well. TRAVIS: Vehicles in water. MATT: Things that are helpful: carpenter’s tools, possibly. That’s kind of rough. MARISHA: I have ball bearings. LAURA: I have an axe. TRAVIS: I’m pretty sure I saw carpenter’s tools and I was like, who needs that? MATT: Anybody? TALIESIN: I’ve got a hammer, I’ve got some rope. I don’t know. MATT: No. ASHLEY: I have rope. I have lots of rope. TRAVIS: I think we’re going to need to double up on these horses, you guys. Or at least unhitch them from the wagon. LAURA: Yeah, and get all of our stuff off of the cart. But I have our giant lead safe in here. SAM: Oh yeah. ASHLEY: How heavy is it? LAURA: It’s pretty heavy. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation, the regiment is coming up over a nearer hill and it’s about half a mile off from you now. As it’s marching, you can hear the distant rustling of hundreds and hundreds of footfalls making their way through the field. TRAVIS: In our direction? MATT: It looks like they’re going to be probably passing in front of you. SAM: Should we hide? MARISHA: I rolled a 15. MATT: You rolled a 15? There is no natural paths here, it’s an open field. There are areas where the grass isn’t quite as dense, and there are some spots where some of the dirt isn’t as receptive to grass. You find patches of dry ground, but there are no paths that you notice leading out of this space, unfortunately. TALIESIN: You don’t know any Mending magic, do you? LAURA: (gasps) I have Mending! I have a Mending cantrip. MATT: You do. What’s the space on Mending? TALIESIN: You’re welcome. I’m sitting here thinking, if only we had a Mending cantrip of some kind. LAURA: I have that! LIAM: I have, for two minutes, been thinking: If only I had the Mending spell. LAURA: You guys, I can mend things. Thanks for reminding me on that, Molly. TALIESIN: I just had to say it out loud. SAM: Can you try it on the wheel? LIAM: (pigeon coo) LAURA: Yeah, I can try it. SAM: Let’s just do it! Let’s see what happens. MATT: As you focus on the front wheel, the one that had just dented inward and the wood splintered a bit, that was barely keeping it up, the wheel rights itself. The metal bends back into place, the wood splinters kick right in, the spokes are as if they were untouched. LAURA: Guys, I’m amazing! SAM: Yes, you are! LAURA: That would have been way more amazing if I’d remembered that I could do this. Let me try it on this other wheel, though. SAM: Wait, we have two broken wheels? MATT: Yeah, one was partially damaged, the other one was pretty wrecked. The other wheel, unfortunately, has taken a fair amount of damage from the impact, and the lower half of it has broken inward, it’s splintered out and it’s bent its way off of the axle. Unfortunately, it’s a bit too big for the Mending cantrip to fix. ASHLEY: Can I try to punch it into place? MATT: It’s pretty wrecked. You do have three wheels, which means you could try it. ASHLEY: One of us could be a wheel? MATT: Yasha curls up around the axle. MARISHA: How far away is the army? MATT: You probably have about ten minutes before they cross over the byway. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to come over and be like: I think we should hide and wait until these guys pass with this being the situation. LIAM: How tall is the grass around here? MATT: Beauregard, Caleb, Molly and Jester, you guys notice, breaking away from the regiment above, you see a cluster of horses heading in your direction. You are out in the open. MARISHA: Are we going to get questioned? SAM: We could pull the cart off the road if Yasha picks it up and runs along with it. ASHLEY: I could try. We could also kill those people and take their horses. LAURA: No, I think the army would see it. TRAVIS: I’ll use Disguise Self and I’ll turn myself into a crownsguard. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Nott, you should hide. LAURA: We should look like we’re people that are peasants or something. MARISHA: I agree, what’s our story? TRAVIS: I’m escorting you to the Labenda Swamp. Right? To retrieve stuff for the crown? For Zadash? LAURA: No. We needed help because our family is in the swamp. ASHLEY: We could say we were helping out– what was her name? MARISHA: We’re just traveling hired hands. We are going to go to the swamp and look for yard work. TRAVIS: You should move the safe. SAM: In the swamp? LAURA: I push the safe off the cart. TRAVIS: Yeah, Yasha and Jester should take the safe. MATT: (horse galloping) SAM: Are there any woods or anywhere to hide? MATT: It’s high grass. The grass off the road where you guys are standing right now is, for you, almost shoulder-high. SAM: I’m going to go in the grass. MATT: Stealth check. TALIESIN: I’m just going to sit on the wagon looking bored. LAURA: I just bought it. It’s in the bag. SAM: 22. Am I still drunk? Do I need to–? MATT: No, you’ve been traveling for half a day since you left, so you’ve pretty much sobered up. MARISHA: Maybe they can help us fix our wheel. TALIESIN: That’s my thought. LAURA: The good stuff’s in my bag. Don’t worry. MATT: Five horses have now galloped up and slow to a trot as they come up alongside, loosely circling the side of your cart, in the direction of where the legion is. They approach; they are all dressed in Righteous Brand full armor, helmets on, blades or bows slung across the shoulders. One of them approaches, “Hail!” LAURA, TALIESIN, and ASHLEY: Hail. MARISHA: Good day. MATT: “Apologies. We’re going to be crossing the road here shortly. We may require your patience “and shifting–” TALIESIN: We have a broken wheel, anyway. We’re not moving at a particular speed at the moment. LAURA: Could you help us? MATT: “Of course. Just of curiosity, where are you headed?” LAURA: We are headed to this swamp place. TALIESIN: We are headed north. TRAVIS: Labenda. MARISHA: The Labenda Swamp. MATT: “Labenda? I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst foe. Well, good luck. I am Captain Maximilian from "Druvenlode.” TALIESIN: Captain? LAURA: What does he look like? MATT: Through the helmet, you see a well-trimmed bit of chin facial hair, short, comes from under the lip. No mustache, but you can’t see if it continues to the rest of his face. LIAM: Where’s he from again? SAM and MATT: Druvenlode. LIAM: Druvenlode. LAURA: Load or loat? MATT: Druvenlode. LAURA: Max Load, got it. TALIESIN: Goddamn it. LIAM: Where are you all headed? MATT: I’m going to do a little hashmark every time. LIAM: Just carve it on the back of your DM’s screen like a prisoner. MATT: At the end of the campaign, you look at my side of the Wyrmwood table and it’s all these horrible marks carved into the wood. TRAVIS: Like Zsasz from the Batman comics? LIAM: Captain, where are you headed en masse like this today? MATT: “Well, it seems that the forces of the Empire are heading east to keep the rest of you "safe. Let me see what we can do.” TALIESIN and LAURA: Thank you so much. MATT: He turns the horse around and begins to head on back, three follow him while two stay in the area. Not close to you, but holding down the fort, keeping an eye on the road and look behind. SAM: Do either of them have saddlebags? MATT: They both do. SAM: Can I do a little Mage Hand-y? A little fishing in the one that’s closest to me? MATT: You very well may. Make a sleight of hand check. LIAM: Do any of us see this? TALIESIN: This can’t possibly end poorly. SAM: 24. MATT: None of you see this, especially not him or his horse. MARISHA: You included the horse. MATT: Horses notice things. TRAVIS: Fuck you, horse. MATT: The saddlebag flips open gingerly, then reaches in and a small pouch, relatively heavy, slips out and makes its way over to you and into your grasp. SAM: I hold on to it. Can I peek inside? MATT: You do. It is filled with dry oats and corn. SAM: It’s a good one. TRAVIS: Bunch of little things. Can we ask you– are you familiar with the Labenda Swamp? MATT: The captain has ridden off, so one of the two other people that are there– you now look within the armor. One is male and one is female, and the female soldier turns to you. She has a tense stare and a broad-shouldered look as she turns in your direction. “I’ve never been, but I "hear it’s pretty shitty.” TRAVIS: Seems the same as what he just said, we’re not quite sure what to expect. Any tales or stories you can share? MATT: “From what I’ve heard, at the very least, it’s not very comfortable, but people seem to "like it and live there still. It’s one of the older provinces in the empire, that I know. Not "for me.” LIAM: Would you rather be headed there or where you’re heading? MATT: “That’s not really a question, unfortunately. In times of war, we go where we’re "needed. We’re needed to the east so that you don’t have to go and wade into the battlefield "yourselves.” LAURA: How long have you been a soldier? MATT: “This will be my eighth circle.” MARISHA: Have you seen the frontline before? MATT: “I’ve not, I’m both terrified and eager. You know, you daydream of glory and then, who knows "once you get there. But I get the sense that you’ve seen your fair share of battle in your day, "right?” Looks right towards Yasha, this hulking woman with a giant two-handed greatsword on her back. TRAVIS: (high-pitched pigeon voice) Stop smiling! Anything else but that! MATT: At this point, another series of clomping catches up to you, and you can see the captain’s returned with two men who are in similar colors as the Righteous Brand regiment, but not in armor. They carry large packs on their side, and you can hear the jangling of metal implements inside. One of them has pieces of wood, some strips. They get off the horse, and at this the captain goes, “Right, "there’s the cart. Do your business. We’re going to do our best to help you get back to the road, friends.” MARISHA and TRAVIS: Thanks, captain. LAURA: Thank you so much for your help. MATT: “Of course.” The two gentlemen go over and start giving each other commands. “Lift up "there.” One of them pulls it up. LAURA: Do you need any help? MATT: “By all means, if you have the– right, then.” Jester’s now holding the whole cart up by herself. They get down, pull the wheel off and begin to bend it back into place. One of them goes through a small pack of various pieces of wood, some that appear to have been soaked and are somewhat pliable. Ends up replacing the broken wood, nailing it in place. Just to be safe, they take some rope and tie it over the wheel very taut to try and hold the bent wood. “This should get you at "least to town. I can’t guarantee it will last you for a long journey, but I recommend a replacement "once you get there.” LAURA: Thank you so much. MATT: “Of course. Come on.” They get back on their horses and they ride back. At this point, the regiment has now crossed over the road, and you can now see hundreds of soldiers going across the Byway. The captain gives a nod, puts his helmet back on. “Well, I wish you all luck. Stay safe and "I hope that if luck is kind to us, we’ll cross paths again.” LIAM: Stay safe as well. Thank you. LAURA: Stay safe. SAM: Bye. LAURA: Everybody be safe. MATT: They turn around and they make their way back up to the rest of the army. About 25 minutes or so it takes for the group of soldiers to finally cross over the path. LAURA: Actually it was faster than I expected. MATT: Yeah, it wasn’t a huge army, per se. Not as big as the one you saw leaving Zadash. In total, it might have been, maybe, 1000 soldiers. TALIESIN: The Kiss army, basically. MATT: Now that the way is opened, your cart seems to have been temporarily repaired. You make your way your way back onto the road and continue your heading north. LAURA: Could I try Mending again and see if what they did made it to where I can fix it now? MATT: Sure, I’ll say for the purposes of this, make a wisdom check. LAURA: Oh, no I’m wise. TALIESIN: That’s the most insane roll I’ve ever seen. LAURA: 23. Wait, that’s a lie, that was a save. 20. MATT: There you go. Because you were so close, you were able to see all of the points in which they attempted to repair the wheel and now that they’ve closed the gap on what is currently cracked and on the verge of collapsing if this fix wasn’t centered around it, you manage to concentrate and with that each one of the– LAURA: Traveler be with us. MATT: You watch as the wood refixes itself and becomes a solid wheel. LAURA: Ta-da. TRAVIS: That’s very handy, Jester. LAURA: Thank you. ASHLEY: Very cool. LIAM: Good trick. MARISHA: It’s fitting that the Traveler helps fix a wheel. SAM: Amazing. LAURA: Right? MARISHA: It’s very poetic. LAURA: Yes. MARISHA: I like it. LAURA: You see that, Caleb, that’s almost as powerful as the shit that you do. SAM: Let’s not get crazy, what he can do is incredible. Have you seen him in action? LAURA: Have you seen my lollipop? MARISHA: She did just lift up the carriage. SAM: Oh yes, she’s super strong, yeah. Just her magic, there’s no– LAURA: Don’t make me Inflict Wounds on you, Nott. TALIESIN: There’s nothing that’s being said here that can’t be said at full momentum. SAM: Oh no, are going to ring a bell in my head? MATT: With that, the cart lurches forward. You all have to catch up real fast to scamper back onto the cart as Molly has picked it up again. You get yourself back on the road and heading northward. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: Keeping watch, for the rest of the way, eventually the sun comes close to setting and you haven’t quite gotten within visual range of the swamp. You’re coming to a relatively hilly portion of the terrain and ahead most of the valley tends to cruise upward where the hills are now cresting and obscuring the horizon. But the sun is setting, so you may be looking somewhere to camp, unless you want to push through the night. LIAM: I think we should camp, because then we will hit this swamp at a more advantageous moment. TRAVIS: Let’s see if we can find a rise on one of these hills to camp on the top. MARISHA: Hey Fjord, have you had any more weird dreams? TRAVIS: No, very peaceful, actually. MARISHA: Are your dreams affected by the weather? Like if it’s cold, do you throw up ice shards instead of salt water or something? TRAVIS: No. MARISHA: Because that can be cool. TRAVIS: Yeah, I could see how that would appear that way. LAURA: And kind of painful, probably. TRAVIS: More that. It hasn’t happened that frequently. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Yeah, but not yet. If it does, I’ll let you know. LIAM: How frequent is it? TRAVIS: It’s only happened a couple of times, honestly. LIAM: A couple of times you have spit out seawater? TRAVIS: Well, yeah, just the once, actually. MARISHA: We don’t know if it’s seawater, though, right? It could be like saline. LIAM: Saline solution? SAM: Do you wear contacts? LIAM: Hey, you’re not supposed to drink that stuff. It’s for rinsing. TRAVIS: I don’t abide by the rules. I walk my own path. Like a twister, I was born to walk alone. MARISHA: Maybe that’s your problem this whole time. TRAVIS: Fuck the rules. Give me saline or give me death. MATT: Smash cut to Fjord’s grave. LAURA: Well, shit. TALIESIN: We gave him saline. LIAM: This week’s episode brought to you by Bausch & Lomb. MATT: As you continue up towards this particular hillcrest, there is a small patch of high bushes in an older campsite. There is a clearing of the grass, where it’s mostly rock and dirt with some bits of dried brush. There’s a rock formation, with a bit of charcoal and blackened ground where a fireplace had previously been set. TALIESIN: This will do just perfectly. Let’s do this. TRAVIS: Let’s set it up. MATT: You guys bring the cart off to the side, set up your evening arrangement, light a small fire there in that same rock circle. Who’s taking first watch? LIAM: Silver thread around the fire. TRAVIS: I’ll take first. TALIESIN: I’ll join. MATT: One of you make the watch roll with advantage, as the other is giving aid. TALIESIN: Natural 20. MATT: Nice. In the vicinity, as the dark night takes over, there is no moonlight, it is very dark. But you do catch a flash in the distance. (rumbling) And another. TALIESIN: One-one thousand, two-one thousand, three-one thousand. Is it getting closer? MATT: You listen for a while and it is getting closer. MARISHA: Are we exposed? Like, out? MATT: You guys are out in the open, yeah. TRAVIS: We’re at the top of a rise, so we can see really well. TALIESIN: We’re going to get rained on. MARISHA: Can we all huddle under the– LAURA: You’re not awake. MARISHA: I mean, (snoring) TRAVIS: I don’t mind rain. TALIESIN: Do we have anything– We don’t have actual tents, do we? We don’t have proper tents? MATT: Not unless any of you have it within your pack, but otherwise all you have is your cart. LAURA: This is why we should have taken that circus tent, man. TRAVIS: I have an idea, let’s carve the bellies out of the horses, and we climb inside. SAM: So that we don’t get wet? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Full tauntaun style. LAURA: Are there any caves nearby? I mean, we’re kind of by a thing? MATT: You’re in the middle of a field right now. It’s hilly terrain and the topography shifts a bit, but right now all you see is darkness beyond your immediate darkvision peripheral. TRAVIS: We’re going to get wet. LIAM: How many of us can fit under that cart, I wonder. TRAVIS: Even then, the ground’s going to get– LIAM: Disgusting. MARISHA: Soaking. MATT: The occasional flash of light you see in the distance begins to frame an ominous shape far to the north: the beginnings of a mountain range that you have been able to see previously or hadn’t paid attention with the darkening sky. LAURA: Did you guys wake us up because of the storm, I’m assuming? TRAVIS: I think the storm’s going to wake you up soon enough. MATT: And it does. Those who are taking the first part of your evening’s rest come to as the storm begins to come over. The weather gets colder, you feel the rain imminent within the next hour. MARISHA: I was curious of that too. LAURA: What is he looking for? SAM: The map. LAURA: Oh, it’s right there. SAM: (singing) Get out the map! MARISHA: How close are we to the Xhorhasian border? LAURA: We’re pretty far away. LIAM: We’re going here. TRAVIS: These are not explosions, orange or red? MATT: No, these were lightning bolts in the distance in the storm. MARISHA: Oh there’s Druvenlode! There’s Max Load. LIAM: Silberquel Ridge, perhaps? Hupperdook is beyond that mountain range. LAURA: Does that mean that guy was named after a whole city?! Does that means he owns a city? MATT, TRAVIS, and LIAM: He was from Druvenlode. LAURA: Oh, I thought that was his last name. SAM: His name was Captain Maximilian. MARISHA: I mean, if he was taking the Leonardo da Vinci approach then it could be accurate. Max of Lode! TRAVIS: Hmm. I think we just need to hunker down. LAURA: I’ll take the next watch because I don’t mind the rain. MATT: The rain begins to kick in your vicinity. ASHLEY: I’ll take next watch, too. MATT: The fire begins to go out. TALIESIN: I’m getting underneath the cart. SAM: Me too! MARISHA: I’m going to get on the cart and try and put my cloak over me. MATT: Okay, the cloak you have is treated with simple wax to try and resist most water. You’ll probably be a bit soggy in the morning, but it’s doable. TRAVIS: I’m staying up. I like the rain. MARISHA: I look at Molly underneath me on the cart and I fart a little bit. Just a little. SAM: I’m down here, too! (farting noise) TRAVIS: Not a little one. Don’t gamble on those. MATT: Alcohol and beef jerky, man. TALIESIN: At least I’ll definitely notice the smell like fucking roses. MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: The first watch goes beyond the rain without incident. Who is taking the second watch? LIAM: It is a big group of us, yeah? Is there enough people left over to do the last watch? ASHLEY: I’ll take last. MATT: Well, there’s only been the first watch. TRAVIS: Which was Molly and I, next one is Caleb and Jester. MATT: Okay, I didn’t hear that part. So Caleb and Jester, who’s keeping up? Who’s the point man on that watch? LIAM: Oh, your eyesight is better than mine. MATT: Make your check. LAURA: Just regular plain old check? MATT: At this point it’s midnight, so it’s pitch black. LAURA: That’s not bad. 19. MATT: You keep watch throughout the area, now without the warm glow of the fire to give you a good visual perspective. All you can go by are the distant flashes and sometimes close flashes of lightning. (thunder) A loud one hits, probably striking a tree no more than two or three miles from where you are. All of you get jostled awake for a moment before getting yourself back to sleep. LAURA: Big one, did you see that? MATT: If I could have everybody leave the table except for Yasha, please. SAM: What?! LIAM: The storm! LAURA: Shit! Storm! MARISHA: Oh shit! (yelling) MATT: As much as everyone else is attempting and jostling around to get rest through the night’s weather, there’s something comforting about the sound of rolling thunder to you. Always kind of has been, but more so in recent years. As unconsciousness comes to you, what usually means dreamless sleep. Welcome to be dreamless because not all dreams are good for you. Not all memories are good for you. But as the dark takes you, there’s a flash of light, the sound of thunder, and there’s a vision. A memory of people all around you, but faced away. People you know, people you grew up with, all looking the opposite direction. It fades to dark. There’s another flash and you’ve pushed through them and you see an elevated piece of ground in the central rock in the shape of a figure, but you can’t see it. It’s obscured by the low light. You do know who that shape is. It goes to dark. It stays dark for a while, to the point where you are longing for that next vision, clamoring for it. You feel this searing pain burning up each of your arms. You look down, but can see nothing except for flames curling up the side. Dull bluish purple flames that create the outline of your forearms. It burns up to the tips of your fingers. Flash once more and around you are bodies. Creatures, people, children, monsters, dozens and dozens of corpses carved and torn asunder. Where you saw the blue flame up your arm you just see blood, dripping, fresh, crimson onto the ground. The only sound you hear. Your vision fades to darkness once more. (thunder) Another blast and there you see it: the ruined statue. The one beacon of nameless hope that pulled you out of that darkness. Missing part of its torso, the head mostly cleaved, akilter. The land seemingly ejecting the presence of what this statue represents. Your eyes look down and focus at the base and as the vision begins to fade to black once more, your eyes focus on that single disc: the four bolts of lightning. The darkness takes you once more. The next flash (thunder) hits, and you’re just walking. Your lips are parched. Your muscles ache. You look over your shoulder and you see before you the memory of the land where you grew up. The waste beyond the central swamp of Xhorhas. But it is crawling with thousands and thousands of worms. From this perspective it looks like it’s so small. But for these worms to be where they are, they would be so immense at this distance. The perspective is almost dizzying and you look away. You glance up back at that mountain and in spite of that pain, you continue to push. The vision fades and this time the darkness lingers. Confusion wells in, the desperation for something. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to be given just a few glimpses and no opportunity, no chance. How do you make this right? What do you make right? What did you do? What is there? (thunder) One final, loud, shattering, shaking flash of light and rolling thunder brings to you one singular vision of a figure in the dark center of a storm cloud swirling. The wind buffets your shoulders with freezing air. You feel your hair being whipped and thrown around your face, stinging as it slaps against your cheeks and eyes. The same figure, that statue that had pulled you from the darkness once before, stands made of the same roaring and roiling clouds and rain and wind, stepping out of the sky towards you. You can see the muscle-bound form, the gray flesh, formless yet solid as it steps down like a titan from the sky. The foot lands but a quarter-mile from where you stand, but the impact causes the ground beneath you to quake. (thunder) You strangely feel comfort. You can’t look away from this figure. As the hand comes down and gently rests on the ground before you, before it turns upward to a palm, a sourceless voice comes into your head, a voice you’ve never heard. For all that you’ve chased this mystery, what this beacon is, this is the first time you’ve heard a voice through this imagery. All it says is, “You walk the right path. Be "strong. Don’t forget who you were, and decide who you will become.” The vision fades back into darkness. (thunder) Another blast of thunder and this time you wake up suddenly. The rain is still pouring outside. You’re amongst the grass. Can we get everybody else back in, please? ASHLEY: Okay, okay, okay. Holy moly. MATT: You wake up. You’re shivering a bit from the cold and the night air. The ground has dampened, even beneath the cart. You were sleeping beneath the cart, right? ASHLEY: Near it. TRAVIS: Did she go back to New York?! ASHLEY: I’m here! TRAVIS: Okay, good. MARISHA: That would be fucked up, if you used that as your exit. Wait, where– what do you mean Ashley left? MATT: You forgot to say goodbye. She’s just gone. LIAM: (singing) Never say goodbye! SAM: So was she a Xhorhasian spy and are we all dead in our sleep? MATT: Roll a perception check– no. TRAVIS: Is it water or blood that we’re covered in? MATT: As you come to consciousness through this evening’s rest for your final watch, as you gather after that sleep is probably not going to find its way to you again for the rest of the evening. Who is taking the final watch with you? LIAM: Oh man, Jester and I talked about everything. Like, everything. About childhood, favorite kind of ice cream. We know everything about each other now. TALIESIN: Pistachio or Rocky Road? LIAM: I’m going to mull it over in my sleep, good night. TRAVIS: Third watch is going to be either Yasha and Nott, or Yasha and Beau. SAM: I’ll take it. MATT: One of you two make the watch perception roll. SAM: You can do it. MATT: Just make a single roll. ASHLEY: Okay, eight? MATT: As you all rest for the final length of the evening, Yasha and Nott, you stay up chatting as much as you like or staying quiet as much as you like. The rain still pouring through in sheets heavily. SAM: How you holding up? Can I go under you? Can you be like a shelter for me? Like a lean-to? ASHLEY: Sure, if you want to get under my hood here? SAM: Wing? ASHLEY: Well, it doesn’t come out all the time. SAM: I don’t know how it works. ASHLEY: It’s just if I get really mad. SAM: But your arm is probably big enough to shield me from the rain. Thank you. ASHLEY: Are you dry? SAM: Thank you, yes. I don’t like to get wet. ASHLEY: I feel like I don’t know if I want to keep doing this. SAM: That’s okay. ASHLEY: Okay. Could you give me a moment? SAM: Give you a moment? ASHLEY: I’m going to go to the tree over there. SAM: Do you have to take a piss? ASHLEY: Yes. SAM: All right, I won’t look. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: I look. ASHLEY: I go where near the tree was struck close to us. MATT: It’s about a quarter-mile walk from where you are, but you can head there. LAURA: That’s not that long of a walk, quarter mile. MATT: Yeah, you can get there. A little jaunt down there. Soaking wet as the rain still pours down. You approach and you come to the half-splintered form of one of the larger trees in this section. There are a few dotted singular trees or clusters around, but this was once a tall and proud tree. As you approach, you can see near the top it’s been carved right down the center and part of it has splintered and exploded. There are chunks of wood around the vicinity and you can see even amongst the rain, on the interior of the exposed trunk there are still faintly orange glowing embers from where the bolt had struck through the night. SAM: (whispered) And a baseball bat. MARISHA: (whispered) Lemonade. ASHLEY: I heard you, and I wanted to thank you for saving me, and I promise you I will be the best servant you ever had. Thank you. I’m going to take a piece of the bark and I’d like to carve the symbol into the tree, the Stormlord symbol. Not very good, but just to have it there. MATT: The bark is a harder utensil to utilize to carve into bark. ASHLEY: Sorry, I take a piece of the bark to have and I use my sword. MATT: You can take it and carve in the edge there using the tip. It takes you a few minutes to do so, but you manage to complete the shell of the symbol’s outline and then make your trek back to join up with Nott. ASHLEY: I got a piece of this bark from that powerful lightning that struck it. SAM: You got bark from a lightning-struck tree? ASHLEY: Yeah, I wanted to put it in my things. I like to have things from nature. SAM: Do you collect things? I collect things. ASHLEY: Yeah, I do! SAM: What kind of collections do you have? ASHLEY: I pull out my book. I mostly put flowers and things in here because I’m collecting them for someone and I want to keep them all in here from my travels. SAM: Oh, it’s beautiful! Is it a special someone? ASHLEY: Yes. SAM: Someone back home? That’s so nice. ASHLEY: Yeah. But what are the things you collect? SAM: I collect all sorts of things. I have a button collection. I used to collect stamps, I used to collect different kinds of vials of different sorts of fluids and things like that. I collect soles of shoes. Not shoes, just the soles. ASHLEY: Oh, just the bottom bits. SAM: Yeah, they come in many different shapes and sizes. The cobblers throw them away when they’re bad. You can fish them out of the trash and you can have a whole bunch of them. ASHLEY: What do you use them for? SAM: Nothing. I mean, you can play a little drum thing with them. ASHLEY: And should you need to resole your shoes– SAM: Sure, if you string them together, they make a Roman gladiator belt sort of a thing. ASHLEY: Have you ever put them one on top of the other and make a platform shoe? SAM: Ooh, I could be a little bit taller! I think if you put two on top of each other and push them in, it looks like lips are talking! ASHLEY: Cool! Well. SAM: I feel like we’ve gotten to know each other so well! ASHLEY: Very much so. Do you want to get back under here? SAM: Yes, under your gigantic arm, thank you. MATT: As Nott cuddles up alongside Yasha’s comparably hulking form to keep out of the water, you finish your final watch as you both watch the sun begin to rise over the horizon– or at least, you can’t see the sun, but you can see the day grows lighter as it makes its way over the cloud cover. The rain is not quite as strong, and the lightning seems to have subsided, but it is still a light drizzle when it comes to the proper morning. As the rest of you come to consciousness, completing your long rest, the day is yours, damp as it may be. The low fog and mist still encompasses most of the valley around you, and it’s a beautiful sight as you glance around first thing in the morning. You can see only the tops of the hills slowly breaking through the layer of cold mist that hits the lower valleys between that shifting topography. As you look off, you can now have a much better view of the Silberquel Ridge above this large mountain range that marks the geological center of the empire. As you glance down, you can barely make out what might be the swamp. LIAM: What’s the temperature like right now? MATT: It’s pretty cold. I’d say it’s probably in the high 40s. LIAM: We have to be miserable right now because we are soaking wet and it is cold. TALIESIN: This is not my first time. LAURA: Ah, it’s like a day at the beach! MATT: It’s not freezing point yet, but it’s definitely cold and wet. TALIESIN: Yeah, I miss having a proper tent, and the wagons were nice. I miss that. LAURA: We should get some waxed canvas or something. TALIESIN: Something at least. TRAVIS: How’d the rest of the night go? Any lightning strikes or anything crazy? LAURA: There was a big one close by. TRAVIS: There was? LAURA: It happened right before I went to sleep. TRAVIS: Did you see it? MATT: Where Molly pointed over there, you see what was once a tree is destroyed and splintered. TRAVIS: That’s so rare! ASHLEY: It tipped it right over. TRAVIS: That’s ama– I mean, right? Lightning strike? LAURA: Don’t know. SAM: Happens every time it rains. TRAVIS: I’m going to run over and look at the tree. MATT: It’s impressive. TRAVIS: Yeah. Can I take some little twigs and pieces of wood and put it in my little component pouch? TALIESIN: They’re good luck. TRAVIS: That’s what I’ve heard. TALIESIN: Yeah, tree struck by lightning, very good luck. LAURA: Really? TRAVIS: I’ve only seen it hitting the water and it’s just (explosion). MARISHA: I heard it was bad luck. That’s what I was told. TALIESIN: It’s bad luck for normal people. MARISHA: Fuck. LAURA: So what kind of people–? TALIESIN: Everybody else! LAURA: So I should go? TALIESIN: Absolutely! LAURA: I’m going to go get some of it too! TRAVIS: Yeah? SAM: Let’s take the whole fucking tree! TALIESIN: Dig it up! (laughter) MARISHA: Attach it to the back of the horse. Go! TRAVIS: Destroy the cart? MARISHA: Yeah! TRAVIS: Fuck. TALIESIN: I go over to take a look at it. LIAM: I am working on a thing. I have not got it figured out yet, but I think that I could make some sort of shelter for us so that this doesn’t have to happen again. I haven’t worked out all the– what? SAM: A magical shelter? TALIESIN: Or just out of waxed cloth? MARISHA: Yeah, how do you mean? LIAM: No, magic, of course. But I don’t have the– I’ve been working on it, but I haven’t struck to the– SAM: You need more paper? MARISHA: You need more incense? LIAM: Well, I always need those things, but I need more time and more research. TALIESIN: Well, if you come up with an ingredients list, we’ll be happy to drum stuff up. LIAM: Thank you, Mollymauk. TALIESIN: Talking about making shelter, that sounds great. TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: What kind of a shelter? LIAM: This sucks. TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yeah, it does. MARISHA: Like a dome, like a bubble dome? How do you mean? LIAM: I have higher hopes of– I mean this is a long ways off, but I would love a large home or a mansion of some kind that you can (snaps) on a whim. Doesn’t that sound amazing? LAURA: That’s impossible. You can’t make something like that! SAM: Caleb can do it if he sets his mind to it! TALIESIN: Like some sort of phantom manor is what you’re speaking of. It would appear– ASHLEY: That sounds like that wouldn’t be something that’s real. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ve never heard of anything like that. ASHLEY: Me neither. TALIESIN: Doesn’t have to be real to be interesting. LIAM: We have all of us seen magic in our lives. TALIESIN: I like this plan. I’m into it. LIAM: Nothing is impossible. ASHLEY: But I see from her, you know? She fixed a wheel. LAURA: I fixed a wheel. LIAM: That is correct. ASHLEY: Naturally, she could make a house next. LAURA: I could do it because I can make a giant lollipop. LIAM: You have faith, so you should have faith. LAURA: I have lots of faith. TRAVIS: If you can, Caleb, that would be quite remarkable. LAURA: Is it considered faith if you just really like somebody? TRAVIS and TALIESIN: No. LAURA: Oh. TRAVIS: Well listen, nothing gets the blood warmed like movement, so perhaps we should pick up and get going. TALIESIN: I’m going to, before we take off, take a look at that tree that got hit. I want to examine how it was struck by lightning. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Beau does pushups while waiting for Molly. MATT: Actually, this would be more of a nature check. TALIESIN: All right, nature. Three. MATT: It’s struck by lightning, man. Pretty impressive. TALIESIN: Is this practically like a little bowl now, or did it split? MATT: It split, and a lot of the tree is still standing, but it’s broken open from the center, and one half of it’s broken away and shot off into multiple pieces. TALIESIN: I’m going to drop a piece of silver in the center so the next person who comes around and examines this thing finds a piece of silver. MATT: Okay, cool. LIAM: Also, Caleb has watched Beauregard go to town on 100 pushups or something, and I go maybe 40 feet away and I try as well. I do one pushup, and then I go study Siff Duthar’s spell tome some more instead of going to two. MATT: Fair enough. SAM: Are we waiting here for a while? LAURA: No. MATT: No, you guys are moving on. SAM: Oh, we’re on a moving cart? MATT: You are now. LAURA: I want to ride on a horse today! MATT: Jester jumps onto one of the horses’ backs. As you guys begin to pick up speed and head down, you’re now at the very top of this major series of hill clusters and making your way down towards the base of the Silberquel Ridge. SAM: As we travel, I’m going to try to make acid. Probably not a great idea, but I’m going to– MATT: Do you have alchemy supplies on you? SAM: Yeah, I bought a kit. I’ve been trying to do it for a while, but we’ve never stopped. MATT: All right. I would like you to make– hold on, it’s roll plus proficiency because you’re proficient in alchemy, plus, this will have to be dexterity at disadvantage because you’re in the back of a moving cart. TRAVIS: Wooden wheel cart. SAM: 16 plus proficiency is 19. MATT: Correct. SAM: But now I roll at disadvantage. LIAM: Roll a 20. SAM: Nine. That’s a 12. MATT: You manage to succeed in spite of the– at one point, it gets a little dodgy and you almost drop it and catch it before it begins to spill the nearly completed acidic formula all over the center of the wooden cart, eating through it. TRAVIS: You’re making cocktails? SAM: Yeah. MATT: You manage to complete one vial of acid, so you can mark that down. SAM: One vial of acid, great. MATT: As you guys approach the mountain range, you can see the clouds now that have pressed down obscure the peaks of the top of the range. You can see the darkened mountainous form vanishing up into the top, gray, whereas in the distance, sheets of rain that are still coming down much heavier to the north obscure your ability to see further beyond the northward valley to either side of the range. You also see the southern base of the mountains, which is the direction you’re heading. You get the sense that the watershed– that most of the mountain range seems to almost lean to a southward direction, so the watershed of all the rain pours and slides down the mountain to this one central southern area, and there you see the darkened, tangled, thick swamp of Labenda, your destination. LAURA: Ugh, it’s going to suck even more because of this storm. MATT: Sitting deep green and distant, tangled and sprawling before you. LIAM: How far up is it about? MATT: From where you are now, I’d say it’s eight or so miles. LIAM: Okay. LAURA: Hey, at least it’s cold so there won’t be a lot of bugs around. Normally, bugs are terrible in swamps, I hear. TALIESIN: I’d rather be cold than have bugs. LAURA: Right? TALIESIN: Yeah. It’s a very fair point. MATT: Continuing your path on for a little bit of the morning, eventually you begin to watch as the grasses begin to give way to more… moistened– that’s a fun word to use, moistened– terrain. The normal dry– even after a rain, the damp ground is now becoming sludgy, and the path itself, the road, seems to have been well-built and set for this type of travel. But even then, it’s starting to gather on the wheels a bit as you ride through, and you can see bits of it are clustering up and leaving this groove in the ground behind you. TALIESIN: Who’s on a horse? Am I on the cart, or am I on a horse? ASHLEY: I’m on a horse. TALIESIN: I’ll be in the cart then. MARISHA: I’ll be in the cart. LIAM: Cart. TALIESIN: I’m going to take one of the swords and start using the flat of the blade to scrape the wheel and give it an edge to start removing the mud off of it and hop between wheels. MATT: Okay, and you move around each one. It doesn’t get too bad, thankfully, because it’s still pretty slick. When it clumps on, it generally slides off. It’s not immediately damp from the first time for most of the vicinity here. LAURA: Oh no, and if you start to lose hope, your horse sinks into the mud and it’s gone forever. TRAVIS: That fucking movie traumatized me. MATT: The rain does eventually begin to subside. However, the edge of the swamp begins to breach the path that you’re heading. You begin to see the swamp grasses take over from the hillside. You begin to see the heavy puddles of swamp bog water beginning to appear to the right and left. The trees you’re used to seeing here in the middle of the field are giving way to banyan trees and other thicker-trunked, gnarled bases, heavy, thick vine-covered canopies. The insects begin to fill the air with a weird buzzing. LAURA: Oh, I thought there wouldn’t be insects because it’s cold! LIAM: In addition to the insects, do we start to become aware of wildlife around? Birds and beasts? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Do we know anything about where we’re going? TRAVIS: We’re going to see a safe house that the lights have been out at. LAURA: We’re trying to find Febron Keyes. SAM: Yeah, but it’s a big swamp. Are any of us good at like wood stuff? Is this me? Am I the girl? LIAM: I’m good at nature. I’ve lived in the woods for a long time. MARISHA: I’m okay at surviving. MATT: About half an hour or so of travel along the road into the center of Labenda Swamp, the humid air prevents the mounting sweat on your body from evaporating, causing your sweat to pool in your armor in uncomfortable ways. Your breathing is somewhat shallow as you adapt to the moisture in the air around you. The ever-present hum of the buzzing insects begins to permeate the atmosphere around you, while the musky stench of decaying plants and stagnant water grow stronger the further in you pass. A very low fog, since it’s still relatively early in the day, sits across the surface of the water that’s exposed in patches between where the thick roots and soft rotting vegetation seems to be sitting, like a spongy ground. MARISHA: I’m going to take my staff and poke it in the marshy bits. MATT: As you push down, it sinks a few inches. As you pull back, the portion that you had pressed in remains, but the water begins to fill up the space where your staff had pushed in. LIAM: On the plus side, I think sitting in the cart, that Caleb is probably the cleanest he has been in two years because it’s been raining non stop. MATT: You guys continue further into the swamp. You get about another half hour or so on the path before Beauregard, Caleb, Molly and Jester, all at once, you hear this strange trilled cry of some kind. It’s like, (cawing). LIAM: I cast Mage Armor on myself. MATT: Mage Armor. LAURA: That sounds like it was talking, or did that sound like a bird? TALIESIN: I think that sounded like a bird talking. MARISHA: It sounded like an alert to me. ASHLEY: I don’t think I heard anything. LAURA: Should we call back? TALIESIN: What should we call back? MARISHA: (cawing) TRAVIS: Okay, that’s what we decided to do? LIAM: That’s not a good idea. TRAVIS: Nope. MARISHA: Maybe it’s a mating call. LAURA: Maybe it’s just a bird. TALIESIN: I don’t see how that’s any better. MATT: You hear it again, only this time it sounds intense, or frantic. The strange (bird croaking). MARISHA: Does it sound like multiple, or from the same source? MATT: It sounds singular, so far. LAURA: Where’s it coming from? What area? MATT: It’s coming to the right, off the road, like deep into the swamp. LAURA: It’s over there. SAM: Are we going to stop? We’re moving? MATT: You guys are still moving forward on the path. LAURA: Can we look, can we see? Can we see into the swamp? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: Natural one! MATT: As you’re glancing out there, a piece of stray vegetation, falling from one of the nearby trees, flitters into your eye. LAURA: Ow! I got a leaf– No, I think it’s a leaf. SAM: Use Mending. LAURA: I use Mending on my eye. MATT: No effect. TRAVIS: Now that we’ve continued on, how do the wagon wheels look on the road as we’re moving? Are they leaving tracks that’s filling in with water behind us at this point? MATT: Faintly. TRAVIS: Not like the staff push, though. MATT: No, she was pushing off the path. This road is designed to not sink heavy with the rest of the swamp material. A lot of travel happens in and out on this main path on the byway. As long as you’re on the path, for the most part, you should be fine. MARISHA: Is this considered the Berleben path? MATT: This is the path to Berleben. The Bromkiln Byway is the road you’re taking. MARISHA: The Bromkiln. So this is not– MATT: You’re in the swamp. SAM: The road goes through the swamp. MATT: Yes, and Berleben is further in the swamp. LIAM: I would say that Caleb has spent a lot of time over the last several years in woods. Can I check to see if I have ever heard that cry before? MATT: Make a nature check. LIAM: That is an 18. MATT: It sounds similar to a crow cry, but it sounds frantic. You’ve heard the sound similar to it before, when you once as a child watched a crow snatched in the jaws of some sort of hunting cat. Right before its bones were crushed and it went lifeless, it’s a very similar sound. SAM: That’s specific. TRAVIS: No movement that we can see, just the sound? MATT: No, just the sound. It’s loud enough where it’s not that far off the road, but it’s not in sight right now. There’s too many tree trunks obscuring your vision. TRAVIS: Branch canopies over us at this point? MATT: They are, but they’re not super thick. There’s still light coming through, and as you travel, there are bits and pieces that overhang the road, but you still have open sky ahead of you. You don’t think it’s going to continue the further into the swamp you go. LAURA: Fjord, will you look at my eye? I think there’s something still in here. TRAVIS: Yeah, here, look up. Yeah, you got like a tree booger in it. LAURA: Fjord, get it. TRAVIS: Oh, god, this is the worst part. Can I try and get the boog out of her eye? MATT: Roll a dexterity check. SAM: Please be a one. Please be a one. Please be a one. TRAVIS: Natural 20. MATT: With a deft flick of his finger, he manages to pluck the piece of vegetation from your eye. LAURA: Wow! My hero. TRAVIS: I got it, Jester. LAURA: Thank you Oskar– I mean Fjord! MATT: It gently hits the side of Molly’s cheek. LIAM: Fjord regurgitates saline solution. TRAVIS: I got it, (vomiting). LAURA: Yasha starts throwing up. ASHLEY: Uh-oh, it’s happening again. MARISHA: Does there appear to be any sign of wreckage, or anything else that looks like it might not have made its way through this path because of other dangers? MATT: You, who have been keeping a discerning eye, and you rolled what on your perception check before? MARISHA: 15, but that was a bit ago. MATT: Roll again as you’ve stopped at this place here. MARISHA: That’s not as good this time, 12. MATT: 12. Something shifts in the water ahead, almost beyond your vision. Something that was stationary before, and looked like a log that had been resting in the water, dips away from you in the direction of the noise. MARISHA: Nobody move. TALIESIN: I’m going to gently light up one of my swords. MATT: Okay, go ahead and mark that. MARISHA: If you’re going to move, move onto the cart. SAM: Have we stopped the cart? LAURA: But we’re on horses. MARISHA: Are we on horses? MATT: You guys are still on the path, yeah. SAM: Should we stop moving the cart? TRAVIS: What did you see? Yeah, we should stop. What’d you see? MARISHA: Something just moved in the water. It might be able to hear our movements, though. LAURA: Was it a snake? MATT: It moved away from you. MARISHA: It moved away though. MATT: It moved in the direction of the sound. You hear it again (panicked bird croaking). LAURA: I really want to see what it is. Oh, you don’t have a bird, you have a cat. ASHLEY: Is this terrain similar at all to Xhorhas? MATT: This terrain is pretty similar to you, yeah. In places where you grew up, some hunting and some places in your nomadic lifestyle put you in terrain very similar to this. So you’re pretty comfortable here. ASHLEY: Okay. MARISHA: I take a ball bearing out and toss it and throw it into the swamp. See what happens. MATT: Nothing. LAURA: Some poor fish is going to try to eat that. MARISHA: He’s probably going to die. Oh man, poor guy. He’ll be fine. MATT: What are you guys doing? Anything? TRAVIS: I’m going to use Minor Illusion, and about 30 feet away above the water, just above the surface of it, I’m going to create a little hummingbird and have it whip back and forth above the water. TALIESIN: That’s clever. TRAVIS: Just to see what– MATT: Continues for a bit. TRAVIS: Move it a little. MATT: No reaction. TRAVIS: Make it disappear. I think we’re okay. SAM: Should we continue on, or–? LAURA: Maybe we should call out and see if Febron is here. SAM: Maybe it’s Febron, maybe that’s a– LAURA: Maybe it’s a call. LIAM: We’re just getting into this swamp right now, right? MATT: Yeah, you’re maybe an hour into it. MARISHA: Would we know if this is the stretch of road that they were talking about, that they were having issues with? MATT: They were cut off from the safe house. You don’t know where the safe house is, or what location it is at. LAURA: But the safe house is in the swamp, it’s not in Berleben, right? MATT: As far as you know, yes. SAM: We press on. TRAVIS: Maybe not calling out. LAURA: Maybe we can climb a tree! Are there any tall trees? MATT: There are a number of tall trees. LAURA: Can I start climbing a tree? MATT: Sure, you want to get a little closer and climb a tree? LAURA: Sure. MATT: Make a general athletics check as you jump off the side, your legs (slurping) into the swamp, as they sink about a foot with each step, leaving these heavy footprints behind that fill with water. LAURA: 21. MATT: You make your way through the swamp, the suction doesn’t stop you one bit. You grab the nearby tree and climb to the top and get off to a branch and look in the direction. Make a perception check, please. That’s cocked. How could you do that? LAURA: It was a really good one if it hadn’t been. Perception ten. MATT: Ten? That’s enough. Over the edge you glance down and you can see past the tree line, maybe about 100 or so feet from where you are, there’s a small clearing, this open area. Where the water is, there is a thick bit of black bog. It looks almost like a thick swampy, tar-ish little pool. You can see a part of a tree has fallen into it, and the liquid is generally darkening the bottom of where it’s been stuck. You don’t know how long it’s been there. There is the dark root, and crooked branches, and elements of it sticking up in the air. The smell of bog rot is very strong, even from this proximity to it. You see something moving in the center of this bog, struggling, shifting. You see, covered in this tar-like material and flailing, some sort of humanoid creature of jet black skin. It’s not skin– feathers. It’s fighting against the swamp, it’s small. Shifting out of the water off to the side, slowly up to the bog, probably what Beau saw earlier, some sort of reptilian creature with a long snout and a long tail. Curving around and making its way slowly towards the bog. As the flailing bird creature is attempting to give a (panicked bird croaking). LAURA: I cast Guiding Bolt on the reptilian creature. SAM: How far is it? LAURA: It’s 120 feet distance and you said that the bog is 100 feet away. MATT: That’s true. That was going to be a– uh-oh, over here. What’s the DC on that? LAURA: It’s a– shit, sorry. MATT: It’s all good. LAURA: Guiding Bolt! MATT: The DC on any of your spells. LIAM: It’s your proficiency, plus your wisdom, plus eight. LAURA: Plus seven. MATT: Plus seven? It fails. Roll damage. LAURA: Okay, ah! 4d6, ah! Eight, ten, 13. MATT: 13 points of damage. All of this divine energy suddenly bursts and burns around the creature’s body. As it suddenly spins, with this hiss in the direction, looking around and seeing nothing there. LAURA: Don’t worry, we’ll save you! There’s a thing, and it’s trapped and there’s the reptile thing that’s going to eat it! TRAVIS: Where? Which direction? LAURA: Over there. I point and I start climbing over and try to get to it. LIAM: Do we even see her anymore? MATT: You see her in the tree, you don’t see what she’s looking at and pointing at. She climbs down the tree and begins running in that direction. LAURA: It’s about 100 feet away. Don’t worry. SAM: Don’t worry? What? TALIESIN: What? MATT: She’s ran off. SAM: Shit. TRAVIS: Fuck. I’ll run off after her. ASHLEY: Same. MARISHA: What are we saving? SAM: I don’t know. Right now, we’re saving Jester. MARISHA: I’m still on a horse, yeah? I’m on a horse. MATT: You are, yeah. You’re staying on your horse to get there? MARISHA: Yeah, I’m staying on my horse! TRAVIS: You’re going to hard tax your horse? MARISHA: (galloping) How cool is that? MATT: Well, it’s cool for the first minute before it goes (mud slurping). LAURA: Guiding Bolt is an attack thing, so I have to roll to attack. MATT: Oh, got you. Roll to attack. LAURA: Oh, no. Okay, it definitely hits. It’s plus seven, 16, 23. MATT: Yeah, that hits. All right, cool. So timeline worked out. LAURA: Yay! MATT: As you approach, this is the visual from the side that you see. TRAVIS: Yay, map time! LAURA: I’m so glad we checked out what it was. TRAVIS: (beatboxing) LAURA: Oh shit! SAM: So many trees. LAURA: Oh my god, look at all these trees. TRAVIS: Damn. MATT: This here is the gator that you see making its way there. It is very large. LAURA: Oh no, it’s really big. Look at that teeny little bird guy. MATT: Jester, you make your way up over to that side. The rest of you are currently trying to catch up on that end of the table. That being the case, I need everyone to roll initiative. SAM: Oh, boy. TRAVIS: Oh, fuck! TALIESIN: That’ll do. SAM: You know what we never do? LAURA: What? SAM: Tap into our pool of luck. LAURA: Ah, shit! Our fate point. MARISHA: The thing that we’ve been hauling around. SAM: Yeah, we never use it. We’ve never ever used it. Ever. ASHLEY: Wait, using what? SAM: You know the dodecahedron thing. ASHLEY: Oh, yeah. LAURA: We have to focus on it in the morning. MARISHA: You have to stare at it for a minute. MATT: Keep it in mind. TALIESIN: I have a thought. I have a coin, and whoever’s holding the coin has that for the day. Then we pass it around, so you have this as a chip. LAURA: That’s really smart. TALIESIN: Obviously we didn’t do it this morning, but from now on. LAURA: We’ll just say we pass the coin. LIAM: Yeah. Luck is for suckers, man. TALIESIN: Who wants it for tomorrow? Or for next, for after the fight? MARISHA: For the next eight hours? MATT: Heading this direction– SAM: I’ll take it. LAURA: Let’s hope nobody dies in this fight. LIAM: Also, it’s important that it is kept hidden. MATT: North is that way. That’s the direction you were traveling was this direction. You’re heading this way. TRAVIS: North is that direction? LAURA: Yes. MATT: Correct. 25 to 20? 20 to 15? TALIESIN and MARISHA: 15! MARISHA: Man, that’s pretty crappy. TALIESIN: It’s not close enough to really do anything yet. MATT: Beau, you got 15? MARISHA: Mm-hmm. MATT: Molly, you got 15? TALIESIN: Uh-huh. TRAVIS: You assume there’s only one of them. MATT: That brings us to 15 to ten. LAURA: 14. SAM: 12. ASHLEY: 13. LIAM: 12 as well. MATT: What’d you get, Jester? LAURA: 14. TRAVIS: Jester, Yasha, Caleb, Nott. MATT: 12? TRAVIS: Six! LIAM and TRAVIS: Big six! MATT: You got a six? TRAVIS: Yep. ASHLEY: Oo-wee! TRAVIS: Shooter, coming out! MATT: Beau and Molly, you’re up first. At a full double dash, you can catch up, at this point, almost to Jester. It’s rough terrain because it’s a swamp. You guys, we’ll say, get about there, and Molly, you’re a little bit behind, because Beau is a little faster than you. TALIESIN: Yeah, sure. She probably did a little (whooshes). MATT: Correct. That’s your turn. That gets us to Jester. LAURA: I can go? MATT: You can go. LAURA: Oh gosh. Okay! I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon! SAM: Dun-dun-dun-dun lollipop! ASHLEY: Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun! MATT: Where are you placing that? 60 feet range? LAURA: Oh, shit. That’s right. It’s a 60 foot range. How far can I get it? That’s true. Oh, I guess I can run forward first before I do it. I’m going to run forward and try to get up on that tree. MATT: It’s rough terrain against the swamp because it’s very (marshy sloshes). LAURA: Okay. That’s about as far as I can go? MATT: As far as you can get, yeah. LAURA: Wow. I’m going to stand on that log so I’m out of the swamp. MATT and LAURA: (singing) Log! It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood! MATT: (singing) You’re not meant to stand on this. It’s really obnoxious, yeah! We’ll say right there. You’re on it. LIAM: I’m on a log. LAURA: Wait. I can’t get it quite that far, can I? Hold on. Let me check one last thing before I definitely do that. MATT: You can get almost to it with a 60-foot range. LAURA: Okay. I’ll put it as close as I can to it. MATT: Right there is the closest you can get. LAURA: Yeah. That’s my bonus action. MATT: Correct. LAURA: For my action, I’m going to wait until it’s close enough, and then I’m going to hit it. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding? LAURA: I’m holding my actual action to attack it. MATT: Can you use an action to hit with it? I think it’s a bonus action. LAURA: No, it’s a bonus action. MATT: Sorry. LAURA: That’s dumb. That was dumb on my part. MARISHA: From my perspective, it looks like the gator is super stoked about having this lollipop. MATT: This is his lucky day. This lollipop apparates out of the swamp water and is now hovering there. LAURA: I’m going to hold Sacred Flame to cast on him. MATT: You got it. Ending Jester’s turn, that brings us to Yasha. Full run. What’s your speed? ASHLEY: 40 feet. MATT: 40 feet. You’re right up next to Beau. TRAVIS: Fucking linebacker 40-yard dash. MARISHA: (heavy quick footsteps) ASHLEY: I can’t walk in, right? MATT: No, that’s double dash, because you guys all stayed back while Jester ran in. You’re all barely getting caught up to her at this point. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Oh, I am? Okay. I am going to stick a root of licorice in my mouth like a hayseed like I’m Fjord and cast Haste on Nott. Read this because your armor class is up, you have an extra action per round, you have advantage on dexterity saves. I will do my full movement forward. 30 feet. MATT: That’s about as far as you get right there. We’ll say, comparatively. Just knock them around! TALIESIN: These happen to be made of metal. ASHLEY: Yeah, you get more out of it. MATT: It chips the paint better. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Wow, I’m feeling so fast. LAURA: Ooh, you could double dash! SAM: I will dash. You know, to catch up to them, I guess. MATT: With your regular movement speed, you’ll get up to where Caleb is. Sorry, where Molly is. SAM: I bonus action dash. MATT: Bonus action dash will get you up to where, up to the edge and about, we’ll say right there. SAM: Then I get two attacks. Two actions now, right? LIAM: You have an extra action. Yeah. SAM: Whoa. That’s still out of range of hand crossbow. TALIESIN: Is it? SAM: Well, no it’s not. It’s that I have to fire at disadvantage. MATT: Yeah. Up to you. SAM: All right. Sure. I’ll do that, I guess. LIAM: You can use the extra action to go closer as well. SAM: That’s true. LIAM: Or extra attack. SAM: Okay. I’ll use one action to get closer still. Okay. MATT: It’s swampy. (marshy sloshing) SAM: I’ll test the air and do a lob shot. MATT: Go for it, arcing it over. With disadvantage. SAM: Okay. Ooh. Two plus something, so it’s nine. MATT: No. It goes wide. Sticks into one of the nearby swamp trees over here. That ends your turn. LAURA: That was really close, though! SAM: I’m sorry, Caleb! I failed you. LAURA: He’s within range of my radiant blast now, so I can attack him. MATT: You can, so do that as you release the bolt. LAURA: Okay. The Sacred Flame is what I meant to say. Dexterity of 15. MATT: That’s a failure with a two. Roll damage. LAURA: Oh wait. Do I get more because I’m level five now? “Spell damage increases when you "reach–” Oh 2d8, yes. Oh, good. Three whole damage, woo. MATT: All right. Three. LIAM: I love this cleric. ASHLEY: That’s still something. LIAM: That’s fucking dumb. SAM: (mockingly) I can’t do anything. I suck. LAURA: I can mend the shit out of some wheels, though, bitches. MATT: It approaches– LAURA: No! MATT: –the bird creature. It doesn’t have its action to strike it, unfortunately, because it had to get the extra movement. Coming out of the way here, you see– (gasping) MATT: Because at this point, you realize, the one that was approaching it was approaching it from the opposite direction that Beau saw the other thing move. LAURA: Yeah, I was wondering why it was coming from the other direction. MATT: That’s the one that Beau must have seen. It begins to emerge from the brush underneath. There’s this low growl. You hear the growling, sucking sound as it approaches. LAURA: No! MATT: It’s going to make a strike. ASHLEY: Oh no. Don’t die. LAURA: Oh no! What if it’s a trap? MATT: Natural one. That’s fucking lucky. As it attempts to bite out towards it, the small bird creature scrambles backward and manages to beat its jaw out of the way. It is going to attempt to swing around and swing its tail in its direction. A two? Are you fucking serious? TALIESIN: Yeah! Sorry. LIAM: Screw you, Snitch. TRAVIS: The dice can hear you. MATT: Okay. Apparently. So yeah. TRAVIS: He’s so pissed. MATT: Although, technically, the creature is restrained, so it does have advantage on its attacks. Yeah, attack rolls against it have advantage, because it’s restrained. So the first attack missed, the bite. The tail does hit. The jaws, it missed with a one and a two on the first strike. The second one it swings with its tail– Hey. TRAVIS: I love it. MATT: I’m going by the rules. It’s restrained. The second one, the tail, does hit. Crack! This is going to be 19 points of bludgeoning damage. As the tail cracks across the scrambling bird, you watch as it goes limp and is currently unconscious, its tiny form now stuck in the bog and unmoving. LAURA: We should have got to it sooner! MARISHA: This is so prehistoric! TRAVIS: Now we’re in this for a dying bird? MATT: Now it’s Fjord’s turn. TRAVIS: Are we staying in this? LAURA: Hey, man. I’m up here. I don’t know. TRAVIS: All right. Fine. I’ll use my speed to approach 15 feet. Half of 30. MATT: Your speed will get you about there. You and Caleb are about the same space. TRAVIS: I’ll use Eldritch Blast at 120 feet for the gator. The farthest north. MATT: Roll the attacks. TRAVIS: Two beams. That’s a fat one plus four. That’s five points of damage. MATT: Five points. TRAVIS: And the second beam 12 points of damage. MATT: Did you roll for the attacks on each of those? TRAVIS: I did not. I have never played this game before, apparently. Thank you guys for your patience. That is a nine. MATT: Nine misses. TRAVIS: And that’s a 12. MATT: 12 misses. Both go wide off into space. No damage to that croc. However, as it slams into the wood nearby and the ground, it turns in your direction, noticing now the arriving brigade. TRAVIS: I’ll use my bonus action to cast– MARISHA: We’re the brigade. TRAVIS: Nope, that’s it. That’s my turn. MATT: Top of the round now. Molly and Beau. MARISHA: Are we doing this? Birds die this way all the time. LAURA: It’s not a bird! MARISHA: What? It’s feathery! LAURA: No, it looked like a person, you guys! TRAVIS: But look. I mean, two big-ass, right at the dinner table, we’re real far away. Going to take a hot minute for us to get there. The bell’s been rung. MARISHA: What if it’s Febron? TALIESIN: I’m at least going to get up to– What’s a basic movement? MATT: We’ll say for the purposes of this, at movement, because the space is not right here, so I’m going to get you on the edge of the map for your movement. TALIESIN: Am I within 60 feet of either of these? MATT: Sure, you are. TALIESIN: Are we doing this? Well, we’re doing this. I’m going to try and cast Enthrall on the closest gator. MATT: The closest gator? Okay then. Let me pull it up here. That’s a– TALIESIN: Wisdom save? MATT: Enthrall. That’s probably a bard spell. Enthrall. All right. You weave a distracting string of words (mumbles). TRAVIS: Enthrall. MATT: It has advantage on the save because you guys have attacked it. TALIESIN: I haven’t attacked that one yet. Oh, you’re right. Yes, of course. TRAVIS: What if it’s not successful attacks? MATT: That’s a two plus zero. That is an eight plus zero. TALIESIN: I don’t think so. MATT: I don’t think it makes it, actually. You’re really lucky. TALIESIN: Is eight my save on wisdom? MATT: What’s your spell DC? It should say. Is it charisma-based? TALIESIN: It says wisdom, but I don’t know. MATT: It’s a wisdom save, but is the ability your racial ability? TALIESIN: No, yeah it’s a racial ability. MATT: Yeah, then it’s charisma-based, because all of them are, so it’s DC ten. It still succeeds, actually. It rolled really poorly. So the creature has disadvantage to perceive any creatures other than you until the spell ends. SAM: It has disadvantage to perceive? TALIESIN: Yep. It ain’t going to eat. It means it’s going to pay attention to me and only me. LAURA: That’s wonderful. Oh no. TALIESIN: I know. I’m sitting. I’m spinning my sword and talking in– LAURA: In gator. TALIESIN: (Infernal voice) MATT: It seems to have paid attention. I mean, it senses all of your presence, but it’s focused on you. If any of you are trying to get around stealthily, it’s going to have a hard time noticing you. That ends your turn? TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: All righty. Beau? MARISHA: Am I able to have enough movement to get on this stumpy stump? MATT: You can get up to here, I’d say, if you move at the same pace. That’s your movement. You have your action and your bonus still. MARISHA: I don’t think I’m– I’m not within 60 feet of any of them, am I? No, I guess I am to throw a thing. Can I use my bonus to move a little bit further onto the top of this tree? MATT: If you want to spend a ki point to do your step of the wind. MARISHA: My step of the wind? I can’t get within range of them with my step of the wind though, right? MATT: Almost. MARISHA: Fuck. God damn it. MATT: Although if you aren’t moving towards that tree and you move there instead– MARISHA: If I move straight? MATT: No, that’s still the same. Yeah, just out of range. LIAM: Get them ninja stars out. MARISHA: Yeah. I’m going to ninja star for my main attack and if I can– I don’t know if I can– I can’t move on my bonus, can I? MATT: You can if you spend a ki point. MARISHA: Only if I move a ki point. Right. Nah, fuck it. Ninja star. MATT: All right. Go for it. You get two at the creature. MARISHA: Okay. That’s a 20 for the first one. MATT: 20 hits. MARISHA: Ooh, and a natural 19 for the second one. MATT: Both hit. Roll damage on each. MARISHA: These are 1d4s, right? LIAM: They’re darts. I think they’re homebrewed darts. MARISHA: Yeah, I think it’s 1d4. For the first one, that’s seven. For the second one, that’s five. Gambit style! TRAVIS: Total armpit throw. MATT: As you throw them both, they (whoosh whoosh) and it’s like (low growl) and it opens its jaws. MARISHA: I point at Percy and I go, “He did it!” Oh, I called him Percy! I think that’s the first time I’ve done that! LIAM: I think that’s the first time any of us have ever done that. MARISHA: I point at Molly. He did it. LIAM: (as Grog) He did it! MARISHA: Aw! I miss Percy. LIAM: (sings) Light the corner of my mind. MATT: That end your guys’ turns. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. Oh, god! Can I climb up on this tree right in front of me? MATT: Right here? LAURA: For my move, yeah. MATT: Sure. Make an athletics check. TALIESIN: Oh boy. Don’t fall. LAURA: I was so afraid it was going to be a one. 16. MATT: Sure, let me put you up there in the tree. LAURA: Okay, good! I’m going to cast Blindness/Deafness at level three on both of the– MATT: At level three, a different target. MARISHA: That’s cool! MATT: That’s pretty great. What’s the wisdom save on that? SAM: Blind or deaf? LAURA: It’s both. LIAM: What’s that spell do? LAURA: Blindness/Deafness. MATT: Wisdom save? LAURA: It’s a con save. MATT: Con save. All right. LAURA: Either blinded or deafened. MATT: A 19 on that one. LAURA: Okay, shit. MATT: He succeeds. That’s a 14 on the other. That one, however, is blinded. LAURA: Yeah, he’s blind. MATT: You watch as, all of a sudden, the eyes darken and it begins to (snarls), flailing about, unable to actually make a bead on where any of you are at the moment. LAURA: He’s got a disadvantage on his attack rolls? Is that what it is? MATT: Yep, and advantage on attack rolls against it. LAURA: That’s good. Okay. Then I’m going to use my spiritual weapon to come up behind the other gator and smack him on the back! MATT: Boop! Go for it. LAURA: Okay. Someday, I’m going to know what I’m doing. MATT: That’s not concentration, correct? LAURA: No. Spiritual Weapon is just up. MATT: Just lasts for a minute? LAURA: Oh, Blindness/Deafness? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Blindness/Deafness is not concentration. Yeah, it’s just a minute. TALIESIN: Just a minute of pain. MATT: At the end of each of its turns, it can make a constitution saving throw. Good to know. LAURA: Plus seven to hit. That’s 23. MATT: That hits! Roll damage. LAURA: Okie-dokie. That is eight damage. MATT: Nice. Your lollipop slams into the back of that distant alligator, but it’s still right there with the unconscious creature in front of it, starting to figure out where to keep its focus. It seems hungry, but it’s also being assaulted. That ends Jester’s turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. How close can I get to the– MATT: Movement will get you up to there. ASHLEY: Oh shit. Okay. Well, I would like to rage. Get that fired up. MATT: Okay. Your vision goes faintly dark red as you begin to focus your frustration towards these creatures. What do you do? ASHLEY: I mean, I can’t move anymore, so– MATT: You can use your action to move, if you want to. ASHLEY: Oh, yeah. Yes. MATT: At least it’ll get you into the fray. That’s as close as you can get there. ASHLEY: All right. That’s my turn. MATT: That ends your turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I think that I see one of the giant gators is getting close to Nott and also Yasha, so I’m going to tug really hard on the Glove of Blasting and revolve around my wrist three times and use Scorching Ray. MATT: Scorching Ray. Go for it. Roll three attacks on it, right? LIAM: Edubation. Say again? MATT: How many rays is it? Three rays? LIAM: Three attacks, advantage against the target, correct? MATT: Correct. LIAM: First one is a 17. MATT: That hits. LIAM: Okay. Second one is a natural 20. MATT: Nice. LIAM: Third one is a 17. So they all hit. MATT: They all hit. Second set of rolls is doubled. LIAM: Ja. Here we go. Dang it! Total of 21 fire damage. MATT: Nice! Not bad at all. Looking up at the distance, you tug on the glove and release as these three bolts arc out and slam into the rather broad side of this reptilian creature, this large crocodile that’s now– LAURA: Was that the one that is– MATT: Blinded. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Ja. Then I will keep wading through the shit, try to get a little bit closer. MATT: Okay. With that, you get to about there. LIAM: And say, “Hey! Fjord, isn’t this fun?” And that’s it. MATT: Ending Caleb’s turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Because that gator is blind, does that mean it counts as sneak attack? MATT: Yep. SAM: Okay. Then I will bolt, bolt, bolt. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Three attacks. They all hit. 19, 15, 13, plus things LIAM: But what if you get a natural 20? Roll again, in case you get 20’s. SAM: I’ll roll again. Sure. LAURA: Ooh, he did! LIAM: We got a natural 20. SAM: One of them is a natural 20. MATT: You got to roll them in order, though, because you don’t know if the one that got sneak attack is. You have to declare that when it happens. SAM: They all get sneak attack. MATT: Well, you only get sneak attack once per round. SAM: Oh, okay. Got it. Well, it was the second one. MATT: Second one got crit. SAM: Yes. MATT: Right. So the first one would’ve been sneak attack. SAM: Okay. MATT: First strike– SAM: –is 17 plus four, 21. Plus I’ll use Fury of the Small, making it 26. MARISHA: How often do you get to add that? SAM: Just once a day. Then second does not get sneak attack? Even though it’s at disadvantage. MATT: Sneak attack, you only get once per turn. Not per round, per turn. So you can still get it on a reaction. SAM: Six, but that’s doubled? MATT: Whatever you rolled on the dice, doubled. SAM: Four, so eight. Eight for that one. MATT: Eight points of damage. SAM: Then one more. That’s ten. MATT: Ten points of damage. This poor gator turned around, went blind, got shot multiple times, blasted with fiery beams. SAM: It still can’t stop thinking about Mollymauk, though. MATT: No, it’s just so focused on him. That ends your turn? SAM: I’m going to move behind that rock over there. (yelping) That’s it. MATT: That ends your turn. It is now the crocs’ turns. (counts movement) It actually climbs up the rock after you, (stomping) and then goes and takes a swipe down at you. LIAM: +2 on your AC. SAM: Sure. MATT: That is 23 to hit. SAM: Damn it. Sure. MATT: With that, 3d10 plus five. TRAVIS: 3d10 plus five? MATT: Yeah. It’s a large set of jaws. SAM: I’m going to be using Uncanny Dodge for the first time. MATT: 21 points of piercing damage, halved. You take ten points of piercing damage, but you are grappled as the giant jaws slam into you and hold you in place. You’re unable to escape at that point. SAM: (yelping) We’re both reptiles, man! Come on! Be cool! LAURA: Are goblins reptiles? SAM: I don’t know. Maybe he’s dumb. MARISHA: See, now I’m getting Little Mermaid vibes, though, from the gator. (singing) Up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun. MATT: It’s going to take a swing with its tail towards you as it’s flailing about, hearing noise in that direction. It has disadvantage against you. That’s 22 and 12. That misses in the first attack as its tail goes wide. It turns around and snaps its jaws towards the tree and scrapes off the side of the tree and swings in your direction, as it attempts to bite towards you. That’s going to be a 14. What’s your armor class? ASHLEY: Just hits. MATT: 14’s your armor class? That’s right. You have the jaws slam onto you. You suffer 18 points of piercing damage, but because you’re raging, that’s reduced to nine. You get nine points of piercing damage, but you are grappled and restrained currently, as you are now trapped in its jaws. You watch as Nott’s hands are dangling out of its toothy jaws, it’s swinging her in the air. Yasha is lifted up off her feet and is currently trying to pry the jaws open off of her body, but is unable to do so. Death saving throw for the creature. That’s a failure. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: Nott’s all caught up. I say: Crap. Fire. And two more bursts of Eldritch Blast to the gator holding Nott. MATT: Holding Nott? Go for it. TRAVIS: That’ll hit. That’s 23. MATT: That’ll do. TRAVIS: And the second one. That’ll hit, too. That’s a natural 17. MATT: You got it. TRAVIS: Okay, great. 12 points of damage on the first one, and six points of damage on the second one, so 18 total. MATT: Nice. As you release the two bolts, they manage to peek around the tree, see it grasping Nott in its jaws and swinging her back and forth. One hits the bottom of the jaw, and the other hits its side. You see this little splatter of dark crimson alligator blood from the two impacts, but it’s still holding taut to this tiny little morsel it has in its jaws. TRAVIS: I’ll use my pathetic speed to try and match Caleb. MATT: All right. Want to move Caleb up for me, Beau? Somebody? MARISHA: Caleb, or Fjord? MATT: I’m sorry. Meant to say Fjord to Caleb. TRAVIS: Yeah, this is so much fun. I’m glad we are helping this random-ass penguin. MATT: At least you guys have range. That brings us to the top again. Molly and Beau. TALIESIN: You want to go first? MARISHA: Sure. TALIESIN: Thank you. MARISHA: Can I get to this guy who’s got Nott? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay. I’m going to parkour off. MATT: That is a 16 on the saving throw for the blind crocodile, so it does resist the blindness. Its vision comes back. However, it fucked it up for a round. Beau. MARISHA: I’m going to do a parkour off of the rock and come down and try and get it right in its mouth to try and get it to spit out Nott. So the first attack. That’s good. That’s a 21. MATT: 21 hits. MARISHA: That’s better. That’s 22. MATT: That hits. With two strikes with the staff. MARISHA: Spit it out! Both of those are the same, which is seven. MATT: Seven damage each? So 14? Cool. It’s 14 points of damage with the two strikes? MARISHA: Uh-huh. MATT: Slamming into the side of its heavy, thick, scaled hide. It’s hurting, but it’s definitely a resistant beast. MARISHA: I’m going to spend a ki point now to do two more, flurry of blows. MATT: You pull your staff behind and then you go to a punch and a dropkick. MARISHA: That’s an 18, and they just keep getting better. MATT: Way to go. That hits. MARISHA: And that one’s not great. That’s worse. That’s a 12. MATT: 12 misses, unfortunately, but you do get one punch off. After slamming it twice, you go for the softer part and whack! MARISHA: You know what? I rolled the wrong damage die for those first two, but that’s my fault. Six damage. I rolled d6s instead of d8s. MATT: Oh, gotcha, but there you go. MARISHA: That gator got lucky. LAURA: Why don’t you take off the damage you did and reroll as eights? TRAVIS: Because that’s how the cookie crumbles. MATT: Okay. Moving on. That’s fine. It’s okay. It’s still a fair amount of damage. Molly, what are you doing? TALIESIN: With my running speed, how close can I get and still have an action? MATT: That’s it. TALIESIN: That’s as far as I can get without an action? MATT: Unfortunately, you guys are running through a swamp behind who engaged it, so it’s an unfortunate circumstance. TALIESIN: At the very least, then, I’m going to– MATT: Fortune favors the bold in this case. TALIESIN: Yep. Since I still have some distance, I’m going to try some Vicious Mockery to see if that does anything. The one– TRAVIS: Please Schwarzenegger it with, “You’re luggage.” TALIESIN: I’m curious what that’s going to sound like. I’ll hit the Vicious Mockery on the one that currently has Nott, just because– MATT: Sure. That is a natural 19. TALIESIN: Yeah, no. (Infernal coughing) MATT: A swamp bug goes into your throat as you’re trying speak it, and you have to cough it out for a second. That finishes Molly’s run. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to Invoke Duplicity as my action, and I’m going to pop my little person down right behind the other side of the gator that Yasha’s fighting, yes. Then for my bonus action, I’m going to cast Healing Word on the little bird creature. MATT: Okay. Roll to heal on that one. It’s within range. LAURA: That’s six. MATT: Six points of healing. You watch as suddenly, its yellow eye flickers and looks around for a second and it begins to push against the slickness. LAURA: My invoked Jester turns around and thumbs ups to it. MATT: It looks at it. (bird croaking) It begins to try and pull its way back out of the bog. It’s getting stuck and sliding in, but it’s trying to pull itself backward. That’s your turn, Jester. LAURA: That’s all I can do. MATT: Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’m in the jaws. MATT: In its jaws. So you are restrained. You can still attack it, but you’re at disadvantage on all your attacks. ASHLEY: Okay. I will try to attack. Divine fury, and if I do reckless, does that mean– MATT: If you reckless, it’ll become regular attacks. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll do that. MATT: All right. Make your two strikes. First one with divine fury as you swing down towards the top of its jaws with your blade. ASHLEY: That’s a natural one. MATT: As you go to swing, the jaws tense against you and (groans) it hurts and all your muscles tense from the pain, but you stay focused going for your second strike. ASHLEY: Okay. Sorry, hold on. Oh wait, no, I’m doing this one. 17. MATT: 17 does hit, roll damage. This still gets divine fury though, because it’s the first strike that you hit with. ASHLEY: It’s the first strike, okay. SAM: Man, this is exciting. ASHLEY: Okay, so eight– SAM: That’s not enough. TALIESIN: (Infernal voice) Crocodile Dundee. ASHLEY: 18. MATT: 18 points of damage. How do you want to do this? (cheering) MATT: You guys have been plugging everything into this one croc since the beginning of the battle. ASHLEY: Am I actually able to– If I have my hand on his jaws, just pull them apart. MATT: Yeah, you can because you’re inside of it. ASHLEY: Open the jaw, just stand. MATT: You pull yourself, you pull the jaws open and step out of it, getting your feet on the ground as you yank apart. You put your leg up into it and (snapping). You feel the jaw pop. It falls back for a moment, its jaw now limp and its tongue lolling out to one side. You have your blade and you do the finishing blow. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Oh, I mean describe to me the finishing blow. ASHLEY: Oh, finishing blow. MATT: Breaking its jaw isn’t going to kill it. So how do you kill it? ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll try to chop off the head as much as I can. MATT: Okay. After breaking the jaw you step out, pull the blade from behind you and with a wide swipe, like an anti-cavalry blow, you cut through the side of its throat and neck. It doesn’t get all the way through, but it cuts enough through the spine where it falls to the ground. This long, heavy, limp piece of luggage. We’ll leave that there for its size, though. You going to stay where you are? You want to move? Because you still have movement, you’ve been released from its jaws. ASHLEY: Yeah, can I move towards the back of the other one? In front of Jester; in between the croc and Jester. MATT: That’s as far as you can get. Well, you can get there, actually. ASHLEY: Perfect. Yeah, perfect. MATT: Okay. That ends your turn. Yasha’s finished. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Ja, it seems like I’m– can I get within 30 feet of it? No, correct? I would think probably not. MATT: Moving your speed will get you right up to the edge there, so it’s just out of 30 feet. LIAM: Just out of 30 feet. MATT: Sorry. LIAM: I am going to cast Magic Missile at level three because he’s got my little friend. MATT: That’s five missiles? LIAM: That is five missiles total. Here we go. MATT: Trudging through the swamp, cast the spell, and then release. The five missiles all impacting at once. MARISHA: Well, wow. LAURA: Nice, nice. TRAVIS: Natural 20 on that. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: Broken clock. LIAM: Total of 18, so (firing noises). MATT: Along its side of it, it’s still holding Nott in its mouth, and Nott’s muffled screaming from inside of its jaws as it swings her back and forth. It seems singularly focused on destroying whatever it has its mouth on. It’s a beast. That finishes your turn, Caleb? LIAM: (yelling) Disappointed! MATT: Nott, it’s your turn. LAURA: Oh gosh, Nott. SAM: I use my first action to try and resist the grapple and escape. MATT: I need you to contest it. It’s an escape DC of 16; it’s athletics or acrobatics, your choice. SAM: (stuttering) LAURA: Acrobatics. SAM: Yes, whatever’s– yes, Acrobatics. MATT: Make the check. SAM: Ooh, 18. MATT: 18 is enough. You manage to just squeeze out of its jaws and land back on the ground where you are, slipping out a brief moment of its opening and get there. There’s blood streaked down, you can feel the pain from the teeth that have been digging into your body. SAM: Is it engaged with Beau? Can I get a sneak attack on it? MATT: It would, yeah. SAM: Okay, great. I will shoot it in the face. Ooh, not great. 12. MATT: 12 misses. You pull out, and from being shaken around you’re a bit dizzy and the pain swelters in your body, and as you go to fire it ricochets off of its hide. LIAM: Is he flanked with Yasha? MATT: Right now? LAURA: Oh. SAM: What’s that mean? LIAM: Advantage. MATT: Technically, yes actually. LIAM: Roll again. SAM: Cool. TALIESIN: Good man. SAM: 17. MATT: 17 does hit, roll damage. SAM: Oh wow. Okay, that’s a hit. Ooh, they’re all bad. 12. MATT: 12 points of damage, sneak attack. The first strike hits underneath the throat, slips into a piece of its already open, cracked, heavy hide and it– (growls). SAM: If that was one side of the throat, I’ll go for the other side. Oh, terrible, 11. LAURA: But you still get advantage because you flanked! SAM: Oh, still advantage, or that’s just once a turn? MATT: It’s advantage on every strike. SAM: Oh, wow, okay. That hits! That’s an 18. MATT: That’s better, roll damage for that one. This rollercoaster, the emotions. LIAM: It’s like the Simpsons Frogurt scene. MATT: I know. SAM: Five more points of damage. MATT: Five points of damage. MARISHA: Question, would this trigger my reaction for Sentinel? MATT: No, because it’s not attacking anything that’s outside of you. MARISHA: Okay. SAM: But it might in a second, because I’m going to run behind that tree. MARISHA: Okay, okay! That’s good to know. Oh, this is Nott’s turn. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: No worries. SAM: I’m going to get away. Get away as fast and as far as I can. MATT: Away from over here? SAM: Sure. Any way you think it won’t see me. MATT: That’s as far as you can get right there. It does try and snatch its jaws towards you in the process. That’s a natural 20. LAURA: No! SAM: That hits. TALIESIN: God damn it. TRAVIS: Roll it and be proud. Ooh! MATT: That’s an eight, nine, and a five. SAM: I will use my– LAURA: Oh, you get Uncanny Dodge again? MATT: 23 plus five. 28 points of piercing damage. SAM: Wait, can I use Uncanny Dodge again because it’s gone around? MATT: You can use it once per round, yeah. SAM: Yeah, uncanny dodge to make it 14. MATT: 14 points of piercing damage, however, you are grappled in its jaws. SAM: (yelling) Again? I just got out! MATT: I know, but as you try and break away– We’re talking like Deep Blue Sea, Samuel L. Jackson. As you run away the jaws grab and pull you back and you’re being held and shaken again. LAURA: No! MARISHA: Now do I get that opportunity attack? MATT: Now you do, yes. LIAM: Oh, just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in. MATT: As it strikes out and grapples Nott in the jaws, you do manage to get one swing at it. MARISHA: I whack it right in the nose, because that’s what I was taught with bears. I go: No! SAM and LAURA: Sharks, and bears. MATT: A lot of sharks in Kamordah, it’s a thing. MARISHA: They’re all the same, in the nose. Natural 20! MATT: Oh, shit! Roll some damage on that. MARISHA: Be high! Okay! 12 damage? LIAM: Sure. MATT: 12 points of damage, all right. Crack! You hit it right across the snout, and upon the impact its eyes go dazed for a second but it continues to chew. It’s still standing. That finishes Nott’s turn? All right. The one standing croc is going to drop Nott out of its jaws– SAM: Oh, that’s nice of him. MATT: And attempt to bite again. TALIESIN: Blood Curse of the Eyeless, amplified. MATT: Curse of the Eyeless amplified. Actually before it bites, it’s going to swing with its tail. It’s going to spin around and attempt to slam you with its tail. That’s disadvantage on that strike. That’s cocked. Cocked again. Disadvantage. Even with disadvantage that’s a 20. SAM: Yeah, that hits. MATT: The tail hits you. That’s 2d8. TRAVIS: No, no, no. Shame on you DM. No more. LIAM: This one, not this one. MATT: That’s 18 points of bludgeoning damage. LAURA: Oh no! SAM: Out. MATT You are knocked prone and it’s going to try and bite you. That’s what it was doing on its turn. TALIESIN: Disadvantage. MATT: I know. But it has advantage on a prone creature. LAURA: So it’s even. TRAVIS: Regular roll. ALL: (to the tune of “Breaking the Law”) Regular roll, regular roll. MATT: That’s a 17 to hit, what’s your armor class? SAM: It’s 18 now. LIAM: Yes! SAM: Because of the Haste, but I don’t know, I’m dead. Do I have Haste if I’m unconscious? LAURA: But he’s the one that cast– LIAM: But does an unmoving body move? MATT: I’m going to make a quick call here. SAM: You’re calling someone? MATT: No. I’m calling Jeremy Crawford to confirmation. MARISHA: He’s going to phone a friend, but in the case the friend is Nathan Stewart. “Hey, Chris Perkins?” LIAM: (Regis Philbin imitation) Would you like to phone a WotC friend? TALIESIN: If you were just prone, he would still have it, so if the spell is still active. LIAM: Matthew Mercer. How do you want to do this? SAM: The spell is active because it makes you faster. MATT: I know, it’s still active by rules as written, I guess. LIAM: Maybe she’s vibrating on the ground. Like when a pager goes off. MATT: Yeah, spells end when they say they end. SAM: This feels wrong. Do it, just do it, I’ll take it. MATT: You don’t want to. You don’t want to take it. Well hold on. TRAVIS: He’s looking at the Great Wall. He rarely references the Great Wall. MATT: Rarely references the Great Wall? No, that’s a 17 still, so with the Haste bonus, that would still miss yeah. So here’s what happens. As you fall unconscious– SAM: I don’t feel right about this. MATT: As you fall unconscious, your form is blurring slightly from the impact, and as you tumble, and it goes to strike and bite you, you’re tumbling backward at such a speed, still under the effect of the spell carrying you, that you fall out of grasp of its jaws as you spin and spill out of its mouth as the teeth clamp. Plummeting to the ground. Not taking a critical hit and immediately failing two death saving throws. LIAM: Good narration DM. Good narration. SAM: I even die fast. TALIESIN: Yeah this is low level, there wouldn’t really be much bringing you back. That’d be the end of it. LAURA: I have Revivify. MATT: Do you have any 300 gold diamonds? LAURA: I have lots of rings, do any of them have diamonds in them? MATT: Not worth 300 gold. LAURA: How dare you! MATT: I’m just saying, you got to buy your spell components. LAURA: I thought if I had my symbol of the Traveler! MATT: No. LAURA: I’ve never done this before. MATT: Laura. It’s okay. Components that cost money, you have to purchase, like his diamond and his incense. LIAM: Ja, hallo. LAURA: Do you have a diamond that’s worth 300 gold? LIAM: It’s worth 100, which is what I need for my spell, ja. TALIESIN: Not three. LAURA: Don’t die anyone, don’t die. I thought I could bring you back. Why do I have that stupid spell prepared if I can’t even use it? TRAVIS and MATT: That’s a good question. MARISHA: It’s the chalice dilemma. MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Hero’s Feast with the chalices. MATT: Well, that finishes the croc’s turn. As the Haste spell snatches Nott from the jaws of almost imminent death, Fjord you’re up. TRAVIS: I fucking see Nott fucking ragdolling all over the place. I’ll use the rest of my speed to get as close as I can. MATT: That gets you up onto the battlefield there. TRAVIS: Does that put me within 30 feet of that croc? MATT: It puts you within 35 feet, it’s just out of 30 foot range. TRAVIS: I’m 35 feet away? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Oh, fuck me. LIAM: Ain’t you got no long range? MATT: Sometimes it doesn’t help to lag. TRAVIS: I just wanted to a little Witch Bolt. Two more Eldritch Blasts going at it. MATT: Go for it, roll for the attacks. TRAVIS: That is a 16 to hit. MATT: 16 hits. TRAVIS: Oh great, I thought it missed. That’s not going to do it, that’s 13. MATT: 13 just misses. TRAVIS: That’s ten plus four for 14 points of damage. MATT: How do you want to do this? (cheering) LAURA: Look at you. TRAVIS: I’ll look at that nice piece of luggage and I’ll say: Nott today. (groaning) SAM: I just failed two death saves from that pun. LAURA: He literally marked them off. MATT: Both of the impacts of the Eldritch Blasts hit it, it’s still up on the rock after snatching its jaw in the air and missing Nott as she tumbles out of it, the head comes down and turns towards you. As its jaws open, both– up into the throat. You watch as the back of its head bursts behind it. Its eyes go dull before it slumps over the rock and it slowly slides into the edge of the swamp nearby. SAM: You got the kill? You were barely in the fight! LAURA: No, he totally came! He’s good, he’s a hero! Can I use my invoked Jester, my duplicate, to run over to Nott? She can move 30 feet. MATT: She can, yeah. LAURA: It wouldn’t be encumbered because– MATT: She’s an illusion. Correct. Here, in this instance, the illusion would not, I don’t think, be affected by the rough terrain. LAURA: Wonderful, I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on you. MATT: There you go. LAURA: At, you know– SAM: The lowest level possible. LAURA: At second level. We’re about to get a rest, it seems stupid to– oh, it’s cocked. Five plus four. No. It would be plus four, plus four? No, it’s 2d8 plus four. MATT: Correct, at 2nd-level. LAURA: Okay yeah, nine. MATT: That heals you up there, you come to consciousness, Nott. SAM: That was scary, I should not have been this close. Where were you? I was doing everything up there! TRAVIS: Look, look, I’m up to my fucking knees in this quagmire, all right? It’s a slop dolly of epic proportions! SAM: A slop dolly?! LAURA: Can I jump down and walk over to the little bird creature? TRAVIS: Fucking Kentucky knows what I’m talking about. SAM: What’s a slop dolly? TRAVIS: We’re in it! LAURA: You guys! MATT: You guys take a moment, finish yelling at each other. Jester has jumped down from the tree, calls your attention. There, still struggling in the marsh, you see the small, black feathered bird creature. And we’re going to take a break because it’s 9:14, so let’s take a quick break. We’ll pick up right at that moment in a few moments. I’m going to sit down because I can do that right now. We’ll be back here in just a moment, guys. We do have our Wyrmwood giveaway for the evening. We have, what is it, kalimantan ebony tabletop dice tray. This is the pretty awesome dark wood with the leather in it. MARISHA: Oh yes. MATT: This one is gorgeous. That one is going to be there for one of our winners during the break. For those of you who are in the US and Canada, except for Quebec, you can enter this over the break, by coming into the Twitch chat and entering the word “Marsh.” Only enter it once, more than once and you’ll be disqualified and we’ll come back with a winner as soon as we return. See you guys in a minute. MATT: And welcome back everybody. Before we get back into the game, we have the winner of our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway from the break: akpresto. Akpresto, congratulations, you won the awesome, awesome-wood-full game dice tray from Wyrmwood. We’ll get that to you ASAP, thank you for coming in and everybody else who jumped into the chat. MARISHA: It smells a little like tuna, and that’s not me, though. MATT: That’s disgusting. LAURA: Ew! TRAVIS: You can’t burp and then try to blame the smell on somebody else. MARISHA: I’m telling you. LAURA: That’s really foul. LIAM: Out of context quotes. MATT: Guys! SAM: Oh, sorry Matt, is there something you’d like to discuss with the table? MATT: Yeah! LIAM: A purple worm erupts from the middle of the floor– MATT: Don’t tempt me. You guys all take a moment, tend to your exhaustion from plunging into this swamp haphazardly, some of you taking quite a beating in the process. Jester guides your attention to this now struggling small bird creature. It looks to be about the size of a an adolescent child, maybe no more than– well, let’s say a little younger than that, maybe like an eight or nine year old. But instead of skin, it’s just black feathers. No wings really, the feathers are too small among the arm to actually be flight-ready. The lower half of its body is still sunken and thick in the bog. It has, where its face is, two bright yellow eyes, very crow, raven-like eyes and a long black pointed beak. And (scared bird croaking). LAURA: Don’t worry! I can help you. MATT: (scared chirping) LAURA: Give me your hands. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Oh! I lift it up out. MATT: Make a strength check SAM: Arms. Out of sockets. LIAM: Caleb is watching all this. LAURA: 20. MATT: 20. With just a few moments, though your legs sink in a bit, you manage to pull, find leverage, grab onto some of the heavy vines on the side, and you manage to pull this creature out from the bog, until eventually it gets its legs free, and as it pulls its way up to the top, it begins to shrug off the thick bog slop that was keeping it stuck there in the center of the opening. MARISHA: It is a bird person. LAURA: Right? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Can you understand us? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Oh my gosh! Do you live around here? MATT: (like Jester) “Do you live around here?” (gasping) ASHLEY: It’s like a mockingjay. LAURA: What is your name? MATT: (chirping) SAM: Maybe it was separated from its parents or something? LAURA: Maybe. Are you an adult or are you a kid? MATT: (like Jester) “A kid.” LAURA: A kid. ASHLEY: I love him! LIAM: I could, it would take an hour, but I could understand this one, if I set my mind to it. ASHLEY: You could get a rest. SAM: Where do you live? MATT: (chirping) And points its still soggy, feathered arm, to the east. LAURA: Close by? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: How did you get here? MATT: (chirping). Looks towards you, and starts walking up towards you, pulls open your coat. Starts rummaging through, pulls one of the books– LIAM: Oh! No. No, please. No, please, no. MATT: (like Caleb) “Please no.” LIAM: I’m going to pull my coat shut. LAURA: Maybe you should learn how to speak to him. SAM: Maybe it wants some paper. TALIESIN: Where’s your book? LAURA: Oh! Can you write? LIAM: Or does he want to draw. LAURA: I pull out my journal. TALIESIN: I’ve got a theory. MARISHA: Maybe he only repeats what we say. MATT: Begins to write into the book, and shows it to you. It says, “Thank you.” LAURA: Oh, you’re welcome so much! How old are you? What’s your name? MATT: It says “four,” the number four. The name is “Kiri.” LAURA and SAM: Kiri? LAURA: Kiri, you’re four years old? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: That’s so wonderful. TALIESIN: What were you doing here? What is this place? MATT: Begins writing out an extended statement in the paper. Puts out to you and it says; “Family "going west. Traveling. Escaping east mountains. Skies go dark there. Father said the valley folk fighting.” LAURA: They are. There’s a big fight going on. ASHLEY: Where’s your– MARISHA: How far have you traveled? Do you recognize people that look like her? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Where is your family now? MATT: (sad chirping) LAURA: Oh no, no, no! Are your Momma & Dad okay? No? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: You don’t know where they went? How did you get separated? MATT: Begins writing another small essay, in the book. LAURA: We should keep an eye out. To make sure no more of those things come out. TRAVIS: I’ll keep an eye out. ASHLEY: Same. MATT: Make a perception check. One of you. Take it with advantage. MARISHA: Matt seems adamant. That can’t be good. ASHLEY: We both roll, but–? MATT: One of you is aiding the other. Unless you want to make two separate rolls. It’s up to you. TRAVIS: Let’s do two separate rolls. MATT: All right. Go for it. TRAVIS: 14. ASHLEY: 16. MATT: Okay. You guys are keeping an eye out in the space around you. TALIESIN: I’m going to peruse these ruins a little bit, see what they are and what they look like. MATT: Make an investigation check. (chirp) Finishes writing and shows it over, it says, “Swamp was to hide us. Swamp folk saw us. So we ran to not be taken. I wasn’t watching and the bog "caught me. Family couldn’t pull free. Couldn’t risk sisters or selves, so kept going.” LAURA: Oh no! MATT: “Stuck here for a while. Not their fault. Don’t want them to die for my carelessness.” Closes the book (chirps). LAURA: (sadly) We’ve got to get him to his family. TALIESIN: Do you know where they are heading? SAM: It’s a him? MATT: (chirps) LAURA: Oh, I don’t know. Are you a– SAM: A boy bird, or a girl bird, or just a bird bird? TALIESIN: A word bird. MATT: “Girl.” LAURA: Girl bird! Kiri! Oh no. How many sisters do you have? MATT: Puts up four fingers with long, exaggerated feathered fingertips. MARISHA: Would I recognize what species or race of people? MATT: You haven’t encountered these people before. LIAM: Empire kids wouldn’t know? MARISHA: Empire kids wouldn’t know? The whole studied thing? MATT: You’ve heard of various different strange races out there. Bird people may have crossed in a story before but– You’ve done a little bit of study. Make a nature check for you, Caleb, since you studied in this area, just general knowledge. ASHLEY: I’ve never seen them before? LIAM and MATT: Natural 20. LIAM: Kenku. MATT: Kenku, yes, you know. They’re usually very removed. Location-wise, they usually exist on the far outskirts of the Empire if anywhere. They have small family units that live on their own. There isn’t so much of a kenku culture they belong to. They’re small little groups. They look out for themselves. LIAM: Like ravens, they are able to mimic many sounds. MATT: Correct. As part of their history, and you rolled a natural 20 so you know quite a bit, something in their lineage, there was a curse involved. Something based around the time of their creation, where their ability to converse was taken from them. LIAM: I mutter that to the group. LAURA: (quietly) Oh man. TRAVIS: Kiri, have you happened to see a safe house, or a building or a structure around while you were fleeing? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Where did you see the swamp people that you were talking about? MATT: She points in a northeastern direction. SAM: But your family went the other way? To the west? TRAVIS: The way we came from? We could always give her a horse– MARISHA: That’s what I was thinking. MATT: Writes on the page, spins it around, it says “Nowhere to go. Can I come with you?” LIAM: Are you able to handle yourself in a scrap? Are you good with a weapon, or– SAM: She’s four. LAURA: Well, you’re how old? SAM: I don’t really know, but I’m twice her age at least! LAURA: She’s got really good penmanship, so I don’t think she’s four like human four. Most four-year-olds can’t write like that. SAM: That’s true. TALIESIN: Where we’re going is a bit dangerous, we should warn you. LIAM: To my question though, are you able to handle yourself in a dangerous moment in any way? MATT: Looks back at the bog, goes– SAM: Oh! LIAM: A monk. TRAVIS: Fearsome. ASHLEY: Maybe we can keep her in the cart or something? LAURA: Yeah. If she stays with us at least until tomorrow, maybe I can send a message to your family and let them know you are okay. MATT: (like Jester) “I’m okay.” LAURA: Right. MATT: (Chirping) TRAVIS: I reach behind my belt and pull out a dagger and twirl it in my fingers, and hand it hilt towards Kiri. Careful, it’s sharp. MATT: (like Fjord) “It’s sharp.” MARISHA: It’s kind of creepy, man. ASHLEY: Do you have any more pocket bacon? Are you hungry? SAM: Oh, I have a pouch of things this one might like! MARISHA: Oh yeah, you’ve got oats. SAM: I have dried corn and oats and things. Would you peck on these? MATT: Holding the dagger, she goes forward and starts pecking out of your hand. SAM: Oh, okay. Ow. Ow! LAURA: I have some pastries, too, if you like sweets. TALIESIN: Hey Caleb, you got a second? MATT: The head turns to you as well. Takes it. LIAM: Many seconds. What do you need? TALIESIN: Take a look at this. Do these mean anything to you? Just looking at the stone structures that are here. MATT: You rolled investigation? TALIESIN: I rolled an eight. They are stone. MATT: It looks like it’s very old and has long fallen over and has been absorbed mostly by the swamp. It doesn’t look like it was a large structure. Like it might have been a small, brief gatehouse off the path. Some sort of a watch post that had– LIAM: Since he brought me over, what do I make of the same? MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: Yeah. That is a 25. MATT: Looking through it and making out the layout of it, it was definitely a post house for Berleben when it was first made. The stones look well over 100 years old. They have long been reclaimed by the roots and vines of the swamp. Nothing special beyond that really. Just an abandoned post. LIAM: Just looks like a bunch of old crap, to be honest. TALIESIN: That’s disappointing. I kick it. MARISHA: Let me hold this dagger for just a moment. MATT: Hard grip on it. MARISHA: I’ll give it back. I just want to test something. TRAVIS: It’s okay, Kiri. MARISHA: Okay, we’re just going to test your reflexes here. LAURA: Are you going to throw– MARISHA: No. A little sparring. Punch here, hit here. Can you– (punching sounds) LAURA: I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on her before she does this. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: I just want to see before we give a dagger to a child. LAURA: Eight. MATT: Natural 20! MARISHA: To attack my hand? Okay. MATT: Yeah. You take two points of damage. You’re like, “Oh!” Not bad. LAURA: A natural 20 got two points of damage? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: I don’t know if she needs a dagger. Here you go, child. LAURA: Whoa, whoa! MARISHA: We’re going to die first. LAURA: Should we cut open these giant gators and see what they have in their bellies? TALIESIN: Let’s see if we can cut them and keep some of this leather. I bet it’s worth a little bit of money. LAURA: I take my axe and hit it in the belly! MATT: You begin to carve into the two crocodiles? TALIESIN: Yeah, we’ll check the guts. MATT: Whoever is helming that, make a medicine check to understand what parts of the body are most delicate. To try and open it without– TALIESIN: Choose your weapon. LAURA: Ugh. Ten. MATT: It’ll take you the better part of the day to carve off enough of the hide to really be useful for trading. It’s a long process, These are big creatures. You begin to carve off some of its hide. None of you are experienced tanners, so it’s a lot of trial and error and sections of it tearing off prematurely. It’s a very messy process. Jester is like hand to elbow covered in blood. TALIESIN: Is there anything fun in the guts? MATT: Have you checked in its stomach? You find a lot of bones, a lot of partially digested meat, and a lot of black feathers. ALL: (dismayed) Oh! LIAM: Did Jester spend hours doing that? MATT: A while, yeah. LIAM: If she did, then Caleb would have spent one hour to cast Comprehend Languages as a ritual spell to talk to her, full on. MARISHA: Can I take a short rest, then, to get my ki points back? MATT: Sure. LAURA: Can I realize that this was– Would I be able to tell from my medicine history that this is bird people? MATT: Looks to be, yeah. LAURA: Like, could you tell from the bones it’s a lot of bird people? MATT: Looks a handful. LAURA: Oh no! MARISHA: That’s this kid’s parents. SAM: Oh, Beau, come on– ASHLEY: Probably the rest of the family, too. MARISHA: The cousins. ASHLEY: Might be the only one, she– LIAM: I’m going to walk Kiri away from this for the moment and say, after an hour has passed of me doing this ritual spell: For the moment, I can understand you as clearly as you can understand me. Do you want to tell me anything about your time in this swamp or what you want to do with yourself, now that you are alone or how we can best help you? Or anything you want to tell me. MATT: “I don’t know, I just want to get back to my family.” ASHLEY: Insight check. LIAM: Okay ASHLEY: She killed them all. LIAM: Well, in the meantime, while we are looking for them, is there anything that we can do for you or is there anything that you can tell me about your last days here? MATT: There is an interesting point here, let me check something real fast here. SAM: That they don’t talk. MATT: Yeah, this is going to be a point. MARISHA: Yeah, like a Rorschach test. LAURA: Can they talk to each other? TALIESIN: Hey, you can get the note. LIAM: I mean, their are hoots and whistles are some form of language, aren’t they? MARISHA: Well, he said that they were cursed, they lost their ability. MATT: No, that’s interesting. Interesting point. After casting the spell, there is no language to understand, it’s only through mimicry. You managed to get the jist of that initial statement, through talking with it for a while, but the spell has no effect. LAURA: Whoa. MATT: There is no spoken language. LAURA: Should we tell her? SAM: We don’t know that this feathers are her parents. MATT: Looking through with your medicine check, it looks like there’s only three between the two of them. LAURA: There’s three bodies. Were they big bones or little bones? MATT: They look to be little. MARISHA: Her sisters. Parents are alive. LAURA: Then they’re really sad, and they will be happy that one of their children– TRAVIS: What good will it do? I don’t think that we need to tell her. LAURA: Yeah, no. We won’t tell her that, I was afraid that it was her parents. But if we can let her parents know that she’s okay, then at least– SAM: You said that you could send a message? LAURA: Yeah, well. The Traveler’s been teaching me some stuff and I was asking him the other night about how I could thank my mama and stuff like that. He taught me a little bit of how to send messages across distances. SAM: Wow. But don’t you need to know who you’re telling it to or something? LAURA: I don’t know. I think if it’s familiar enough, then I can send it. Maybe if she describes them, I could do it. I haven’t ever tried it. SAM: We should try it now. LAURA: I needed to send it to– Oh, I have to prepare it. SAM: Oh. TALIESIN: Let’s haul this all back onto the cart and get on our way and see where we get. ASHLEY: Her parents just left her, you know? MARISHA: We shouldn’t go fighting with her. LAURA: There were three other kids, you know? TALIESIN: What do you propose we do? MARISHA: I don’t know. LAURA: Blood all over my hands. MARISHA: We gave her a dagger. Point her in the right direction that her parents are going. SAM: We can’t leave her, the swamp things will kill it. MARISHA: Well, if she comes with us, then we will kill her. ASHLEY: What’s her size? MATT: Standing at full height, maybe about three and a half feet. MARISHA: Unless we can drop her off on the nearest town. ASHLEY: Just going to kick her up out of the bog. LIAM: Will she be welcomed in a town? TALIESIN: Will she be welcomed anywhere? MARISHA: Exactly. LIAM: DM, you said three or four, five hours for Jester to do all of that gator carving before? MATT: To actually harvest the actual armored hide will get you pretty close to dusk. LIAM: And that’s what you did? LAURA: Sure. LIAM: Than I use arcane recovery. That’s all I wanted to ask, if I had time. MARISHA: I don’t know, guys. We’ve seen how people react to Nott around here. What if we drag her in front of some crazy locals? TALIESIN: All of this are great points, but I’m waiting for another idea. LIAM: Well, I think we should do what we have done well so far, which is to improvise. It is better to bring her with her and then leave her and then if we find an advantageous place to leave her, then we will. But for the time being she is a sidekick. MATT: (like Caleb) “Sidekick.” TRAVIS: Fair chance is better than none. TALIESIN: It’s also possibly someone to watch the cart while we do our businesses. LAURA: Plus, in the morning I can send a message to your mom and dad. MATT: (like Jester) “Mom and dad.” LAURA: Right. We can gift you a horse, and then you can go find them. MATT: (chirping) TRAVIS: We should get back to the cart and at least try to make our way into some drier– TALIESIN: To see if we can find somewhere safe. LAURA: I’ll carry this leather to the cart. MATT: (like Jester) “I’ll carry this leather to the cart.” She helps you to start lifting the carved stuff, but barely at all. LAURA: Right. I love her, I love her. SAM and LAURA: She’s the best. SAM: Welcome to The Mighty Nein! LAURA: (cheers) MATT: (chirping) Walks right up to you, like face– (chirping) SAM: I just give her a kiss. MATT: (startled chirping) SAM: She’s just so cute, you know? LAURA: I know, she really is. MATT: And goes back to helping Jester. TRAVIS: All right, to the cart, then. TALIESIN: Yeah. LIAM: Do you know cats? Do you like cats? Do you know cats? MARISHA: Birds don’t like cats. LAURA: She’s a baby bird. SAM: Cats don’t like birds. MARISHA: Sorry, cats don’t like birds. LIAM: Do you like cats? MATT: (chirping) LIAM: Into her hands. Frumpkin starts to purr and nuzzle. MATT: She is spellbound by this moment of a cat appearing in her hands. LIAM: Yeah, I ask Frumpkin to do a blep. LAURA: A blep. LIAM: And to lick her face. MATT: (chirping) MATT: Throws the cat down, seemingly weirded out by the moment, doesn’t quite know how to react. MARISHA: Frumpkin starts chittering. LIAM: He’s friendly. That is my cat. If you want to spend some time with him, you can. He is very soothing for me, anyway. Give it a shot. MATT: Picks up Frumpkin, and runs towards the cart as you guys get there and load it up. Kiri jumps up into the cart and turns around to the rest of you and goes, (like Nott) “Welcome to The Mighty Nein!” And starts petting Frumpkin. LAURA: I love her so much! SAM and TRAVIS: She’s the best of us. TALIESIN: Well, this is never going to get irritating. Let’s get on our way. ASHLEY: Can I insight check her? MATT: Sure. Make an insight check. ASHLEY: My insight is so bad. TALIESIN: That’s going to make it even better. ASHLEY: 12. MATT: It’s a bird person. “I’m bird p–” Not that kind of bird person, but– ASHLEY: I don’t trust her. It’s weird. LIAM: I just want to point out that, if we pick up one more stray, there will actually be nine of us. TALIESIN: That can’t happen. We will not have that. ASHLEY: With Frumpkin– MARISHA: Then we wouldn’t be ironic anymore. TALIESIN: Cling to our irony. LIAM: That’s true. MARISHA: Are we cheeky or are we serious? That’ll totally change our entire disposition of the group. LIAM: It can be both. TALIESIN: Seriously cheeky? Cheekingly serious. LAURA: Let’s put a cloak over her, so she looks a little less like a bird. SAM: I’ve got some clothing that would fit her! My clothing. I give you my cape and and stuff. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: But now you don’t have a cloak on. I’ll take off my cloak and put it on Nott. SAM: I can’t move. LAURA: But it’s a short cloak, it’s a little one, don’t worry. SAM: Okay, thank you. MATT: It’s a nice flannel, I’m going to want it back. Right now? Yeah. MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah. LAURA: Okay, now I’m cold, too. LIAM: Caleb takes off his cloak and puts it on Jester. I never wear a cloak when we’re not in the city. LAURA: No, that’s okay. I’m actually really warm right now, I don’t need anything. MARISHA: Yes, it’s definitely like 85 degrees. We’re all sharing cloaks for no reason. LAURA: It’s not 85 degrees, it’s still cold here. MATT: It’s pretty chilly. It’s like mid-60s. LAURA: I put it back on Caleb and tuck him into it. MARISHA: Sorry, it’s a humid 60 degrees. MATT: It feels warmer than it is because of the moisture in the air, but it’s not, like, warm. LIAM: Look, you guys, we are trying to make it work. TALIESIN: Let’s head out. TRAVIS: Yeah, Molly and I take the lead on the horses. LAURA: Kiri, where was the city you saw, the village of people? MATT: Points up in front of the road, in that direction. LAURA: We should go in that direction. SAM: Wait, that’s the way that we go to find our– LAURA: So we can locate Febron Keyes, yeah. SAM: Okay, let’s go. MATT: Following the Bromkiln Byway, your vision pierces the dense tangle of trees and vines to see the distant glow of lanterns just as the sun sets and the evening sky grows dark. Closer still, you make out a strange mismatch of varying levels that make up the village. Whole areas stand on stilts and raised platforms connected by bridges, while much of the city to the eastern side appears to be partly submerged in bog water. The browns, greens, and grays of the marsh itself is reflected in the browns, greens, and grays of the people who now wander the streets, going about their business. Welcome to Berleben, a somewhat miserable-looking, but functional village here in the Dwendalian Empire. As you come off the road, the road gives way into this central district, which looks to be a smattering of stone slabs, cobblestone, and whatever pieces of material were left over from construction that helped fix and maintain a main road here in the central opening before it scatters into the rest of the city. What would you like to do? TALIESIN: Technically, did we get a short rest on the way in? Or did that not happen? LIAM: Jester took most of the day to harvest a gator. MATT: Yeah. LAURA: We should probably look for an inn or something, right? MARISHA: We have to look for Febron who is apparently in the Keystone Pub. LAURA: We should look for the Keystone Pub! LIAM: Febron Keyes in the Keystone Pub. MARISHA: In the (mumbling) district. I ran out of page– LIAM: In the Puddles. MARISHA: In the Puddles! It is in the Puddles. I got Pudd. LIAM: Puddin’. MATT: In the Puddin’. LAURA: Is there anybody outside right now? MATT: There are people walking through the streets. Some of them are carrying small sacks over their shoulder from one place to another, or in the process of wandering over to make about their business for the city, and they notice you approach, and they’re slightly nosey, paying attention to these strangers that came in off the Byway. SAM: I’m going to cast Disguise Self on myself. MATT: Okay. To look like? SAM: A little halfling girl. MATT: All righty. (confused chirping) SAM: It’s still me. I can change my body into other things, woo! MATT: (chirping) She seems fascinated and enthralled by this. SAM: Oh, here! Take my mask. Oh, but you have a beak. MATT: (clicking) It’s terrifying. LIAM: Just pull that cloak way down. MATT: There’s still this long, dark beak poking through, but you got what you got. MARISHA: It’s stylistic. That’s fine. LIAM: That’s a Percy mask. MATT: Yeah. Plague Doctor it up. TRAVIS: Keystone Pub, right? LAURA: Yeah. Excuse me? MATT: There’s one older woman going by, who’s hunched, has her own hood up, and a long gray cloak. She’s wearing a stained linen blouse and says, “What do you want?” LAURA: Lovely weather we’re having, huh? MATT: “Weather’s shit.” LAURA: Okay! I was wondering if you could point us towards an inn, or the Keystone Pub maybe? MATT: “Keystone Pub’s in the Puddles, that way.” LAURA: Thank you. MATT: “Look for the crooked tower thing.” LAURA: Can you sleep there? MATT: “I mean, you can. I wouldn’t be caught dead there.” LAURA: Oh. MARISHA: Here. Here’s some pocket bacon for your trouble. MATT: “What the fuck is pocket bacon?!” MARISHA: You seem like you’d appreciate that more than money, so I don’t know. MATT: “I’m very confused, but I’ll take it.” Puts it in her pocket, keeps walking. MARISHA: See? SAM: How much of that do you have? MARISHA: I swiped from a few places. MATT: The whole campaign, she’s been subtly, stealthily stealing bacon. MARISHA: I would do that. I have done that. I just want to say, wrap it up in a paper towel, stick it in your bag, fine. TRAVIS: From what we can see in the streets, is anyone carrying any weapons, or guards, or spears? MATT: There are. You do actually see a handful of crownsguard. They’re present, it’s still part of the Empire, though they look to be somewhat lackluster. At least, their armor isn’t as shiny and well-kept. It looks like one of them is like, “Ah, fucking hell.” They’re stationed here, and they’re probably not very appreciative, and have tried their best to adapt to the life here in the Labenda Swamp, but they are visible throughout the town, including The Puddles, which you begin to go towards. Almost half of the city takes up The Puddles. It looks like it was the oldest portion of the town. The original Berleben was just this district, called The Puddles. The entirety of it is beneath between one to three inches of water, so as you begin to descend from the central area of the town, you begin to submerge your feet, and the entire rest of the city has slowly been sinking into the swamp. It’s like slowly wading through a tide at the beach. It’s also very much the impoverished side. If you could imagine an area of the swamp more impoverished than what you’ve already come across, this is it. You see a lot of huts and hovels. All the buildings here, on top of being older masonry and stone structures in construct, the bases themselves are a deep algae green from the floor to about halfway up, about two or three feet, where moss and fungus and various other plant matter have slowly grown as the liquid that has been soaking into the vicinity is slowly growing up the sides of these buildings. There’s a fountain that has completely folded in now at this point. It has fallen into itself. Bits of the water seem to have permeated through. It’s an older relic of the earlier construction period. LAURA: I cast Mending on the fountain. MATT: It does nothing. TALIESIN: I love this place. This is great. MATT: Crownsguard keep an eye on you as you are the newcomers that walk in. You do notice, as you head down to the Puddles, that one of the guards that watched you enter trails back about 30 or so feet, slowly walking and keeping an eye. MARISHA: I pace behind the group and start catching up to him. LAURA: Is the wagon doing okay in the– MATT: Yeah, it’s doing all right. It’s only about three inches of water averaged, so it’s not a major hindrance. You’re also going at a relatively comfortable pace now that you’re in the city. TRAVIS: Keep pushing in, looking for any signage of the Keystone Pub. LAURA: Yeah, looking for the big tower thing. MATT: Perception check for both of you guys. LIAM: Also, very important question, how is Kiri doing with Frumpkin? MATT: Kiri is now enthralled in the back of the cart, hood up, Frumpkin curled up on her lap, and is slowly petting him. She’s slowly petting him. MARISHA: I match pace with the crownsguard eventually, the one that’s following us. MATT: You come up and– MARISHA: I slow behind to match his pace, who’s following us. MATT: You two– TRAVIS: 15. LAURA: 22. MATT: You see it first, and as soon as you look in that direction, you catch up with that, Fjord. You spot a small crooked tower, maybe about 25 or so feet high. It looks like there was originally a building here that fell into itself and collapsed, and they built a pub on top of it. Not very well, so it’s a haphazard construct that looks somewhat unstable with bits of broken stone and– The only way you can get up into it are rope ladders hanging down the front of it that lead into an archway that’s open on the top. There are two oil lanterns hanging from the outside that give this faint glow to the exterior. From the inside, it looks warmly lit, though dark. MARISHA: I would hang out here all the time. MATT: It’s about an eight-foot climb to get to the threshold of the interior. LIAM: The only way to get in is an eight-foot climb on a rope? MATT: That’s what it looks like, yeah. LIAM: Oh dear. LAURA: Let’s go up there! MATT: You guys guide your way that way. You manage to catch up with the crownsguard who is walking. As soon as he sees you slowing behind, he lets you catch up. LAURA: Should somebody stay with the cart, maybe? Because I feel like all of our awesome stuff that we just got will be taken. SAM: What stuff? LAURA: This leather that we took– SAM: Bloody crocodile skins? TALIESIN: We have a beautiful piece of leather. We also have some fine tapestries. We have a safe. We have many things. SAM: Well, Caleb can put his string around it. LIAM: I start to pull the silver thread around the edges of the cart. SAM: (deep voice) Please step away from the vehicle. MATT: You just leave it on the base of the tower? LIAM: All of us can get in, but anybody else will set that off. MATT: As you approach, the guard turns to you. “Evening, miss.” MARISHA: Evening, sir. MATT: “Out of towners?” MARISHA: Passing through. MATT: “All right, just don’t make any trouble.” MARISHA: Feels like trouble would make your life a little interesting, though, wouldn’t it? MATT: “Don’t like interesting.” MARISHA: Oh, is that why you’re stationed here? Is this by choice, or who’d you piss off? MATT: “No trouble, miss.” MARISHA: What’s your name? MATT: He’s staring right through you. MARISHA: No, nothing? Just a little conversation. Just simple, you know, trying to be polite. MATT: “Your name first.” MARISHA: Beau. MATT: “Beau.” MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: “Crownsguard Alexander.” MARISHA: Crownsguard Alexander. So formal. MATT: “I don’t like you.” MARISHA: I get that a lot. MATT: “I can imagine.” MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: “Don’t start any trouble.” MARISHA: All right. MATT: “Good. Get on your way.” MARISHA: I will wait because I don’t like him telling me what to do and then I will get on my way. TRAVIS: When you’re good and ready. MATT: As you wait there, this awkward 30 second stare, he goes, “I’ll just–” MARISHA: Yeah. No, I’m comfortable. TRAVIS: Let him know. MATT: “Be on your way.” He turns around and walks back to his post. MARISHA: I wait, and then I give myself a this for winning that game of chicken. Yeah! Then I climb the rope. LIAM: Man, what a great scene between husband and wife. TALIESIN: That was me at 16 with every cop ever; that was great. This is the tiniest hill, and I will die on it. Never ended that well. MARISHA: This means nothing, and I want to win. MATT: Are you guys keeping Kiri in the cart? LIAM: No, she’s coming with us. MATT: Kiri climbs up with you. (chirping) LAURA: Kiri, stay behind me a little bit, okay? Don’t make yourself obvious, all right? MATT: (like Jester) “All right.” LAURA: We need to protect you. MATT: (like Jester) “Protect.” SAM: We’re bringing her into the bar? LAURA: We can’t leave her in the cart! SAM: I guess not. Do you drink liquor, Kiri? MATT: (confused chirp) TALIESIN: No. SAM: Booze? LIAM, TALIESIN and LAURA: No! LAURA: Just say no. No! Kiri, no! SAM: Here, I’ll give you– LAURA: No! Don’t! LIAM: Do you know what booze is? MATT: (chirp) ASHLEY: She’s going to try it sooner or later, you know. LAURA: Do not let this little bird girl have booze. LIAM: We’ll get her a Tirley Shemple, it’s fine. MARISHA: You know, if you teach respect early on towards alcohol, though. SAM: That’s true. MATT: (like Nott) “That’s true!” ASHLEY: Because if she has it, she won’t– SAM: That’s a bad idea. Let’s go in. MATT: She hands Frumpkin to you and climbs up the rope with the rest of you. As you guys climb up the eight-foot jaunt up to the side, you step up past the threshold into the archway and are immediately met with this tough-looking albino dwarf dude. He’s standing there with pale white skin, jet white-gray hair, white eyebrows, big white beard, with this black leather vest that’s tucked into billowing dark brown pants and boots. He’s got all these scars and tattoos across his forearms he’s folded and he goes, “Right.” Steps back, lets you in. LAURA: Hi! MATT: Gives a nod. He continues to glare as you guys step inside. Within, it’s a warmly lit, cozy space that resembles being belowdeck on a ship at sea. You’re right at home here, Fjord. It’s all dark wood from all different angles, and it’s cramped, too, so it has that similar feel. All the light in here are a handful of oil lanterns, so it’s pretty heavily shaded in certain areas, so you’re only catching rim lighting and soft light on certain faces around here. There’s maybe six patrons in here total. To the right, this loud banging sound as two individuals in the process of building some sort of a stage in the corner immediately to your right. It’s small, maybe five-foot by five-foot, but it’s in the process of being built. To your left, you see the bar. It’s an L-shaped bar, not terribly large. There behind it there’s three oil lamps set up, they light the area. You can see some of the liquor bottles and the ale kegs and everything set up towards the back of the bar. In the front, with one patron sitting on a stool, you see a rather cheerful-looking, middle-aged male gnome as the purveyor of this establishment. He’s got puffy black hair and heavy mutton chops on the sides of his face, this bulbous rosy nose. He’s in the process of pouring and refilling this tankard for the patron who’s leaning against the bar in front of him, this gruff-looking fisherman human dude. He gives a glance over to you as you step in, taking in the vicinity, and goes, “Hey! Welcome to the Keystone Pub! Oldest pub in the Labenda! The "oldest pub in the Labenda is beneath this one, but we rebuilt it.” LAURA: It’s really cool. TALIESIN: Stunning. MATT: “Thank you very much. Glad you could make it. Where are you all from?” LIAM: All over the place, really. SAM: Alfield. MATT: “Alfield, that’s a bit of a journey, isn’t it? Well, glad you could make it. Not many folks "come that far over here to visit the swamp.” MARISHA: What’s your name, good sir? MATT: “I am Dent Bonswallow.” LAURA: He’s a little bit high right now. LIAM: Bon or Barn, or–? MATT: “Dent Bonswallow.” LAURA: Can I look around at the few patrons that are in here and see if any of them fit the description of Febron Keyes? MATT: Perception check. TRAVIS: Two teeth, busted eye. MARISHA: Looks super cray. LAURA: That was a shitty roll. Eight. MATT: It’s too dark in here, unfortunately. There’s only six other patrons, but they’re too dimly lit for you to make out any features. LAURA: Can I get up close to them and one by one? SAM: We can look in a few more minutes. LIAM: Let your eyes adjust to the room. MATT: As Jester begins walking off through the chamber, he’s like, “What can I get you guys? What "you asking for? What you looking for?” MARISHA: What’s your strongest drink? MATT: “That would be the Labenda Throat Grog.” MARISHA: What is– what? MATT: “Labenda Throat Grog.” MARISHA: Yeah. That. MATT: “Burns you like a fucker.” MARISHA: Bender Throat Grog? MATT: “Labenda. The swamp you’re in. Same color as the swamp. Burns your throat. Tastes like grog. "That’s where it got its name.” MARISHA: What do you mean, same color as the swamp? Green and shitty? MATT: “Yeah!” TALIESIN: That sounds exciting. I think we need a round. MATT: “A round for everyone? You too?” Points to the little hooded creature next to you. SAM: No, she’s on the wagon. MATT: (as Kiri, like Nott) “On the wagon.” (as Dent) “Right. Weird.” (laughter) TALIESIN: I didn’t know I needed this. MATT: “That’s going to put you back about 25 copper pieces.” MARISHA: Oh. I’ll take it. No, I’ve got it. LIAM: I have it. MARISHA: This one’s on me. LIAM: That’s easy for me to do. MARISHA: I need it for tax write-offs. TRAVIS: Boulder-parchment-shears! SAM: They always fight for the check. MARISHA: Boulder-parchment-shears. LIAM: Okay. LIAM: Eins, zwei, drei. Snip. MARISHA: All right, you get it. MATT: As he’s pouring the drinks one by one: “What brings you to town? What brings you so far north "from Alfield?” LAURA: We heard amazing things about this area, and we thought we would check it out, because we’re travelers. MARISHA: Historical point of interest. LAURA: Yes, and we like to see different sorts of things, and this is really an interesting area. You know, not many cities have a lot of water in them like this. MATT: “It’s a shithole. But it’s our shithole!” LAURA: It’s really cool-looking, though. MATT: “Thank you, I appreciate that.” MARISHA: That’s exactly the magnet that I bought when I got in here. MATT: “Oh, you got one of the shithole magnets, too?” MARISHA: I got a shithole magnet. MATT: “If anyone else wants any, I got a whole bucket of them.” TALIESIN: You are a shithole magnet, really, when you think about it. That’s fair. MARISHA: It spoke to me. SAM: You’re building a stage for something? Is there some sort of circus in town? MATT: “No, I wanted some entertainment to liven the place up a bit. I’ve been here for ten years, "and it’s been a bit dull.” TRAVIS: Did you own the previous bar that this one’s built on top of? MATT: “I did. Inherited it from my father, before it, you know.” LIAM: How old is Berleben in general? MATT: “It’s been here since the empire started. Almost three centuries.” LIAM: Wow. MATT: “Yeah.” TRAVIS: You know, we love traveling around. Is there anything in Berleben that we just have to see before we leave? MATT: “I mean, you’re there.” TRAVIS: Here? MATT: “Yeah. It’s the finest pub in town.” TRAVIS: Great. MATT: “Hey, it’s rough to start at the top, mate, but you make your way down.” TRAVIS: Worse ways to go. TALIESIN: Can we go shopping in town, maybe? We’ve got some leather to trade, may have some armor. MATT: “Maybe. Your best bet for trade wouldn’t be here in The Puddles. You’d be looking for the "Midway Docks. That’s where most of the business gets done here. If you’re looking for things for a "fancier space, maybe you want to head to The Stilts, but that’s where the– what’s the word I’m "looking for– folks who run the place stay.” LIAM: There’s a fancier part of this town? MATT: “It’s The Stilts. It’s where it’s all raised up. That’s where the Summit House is, where the "Starosta stays. There’s the Mossmire Temple, which is where the druid that keeps the swamp fane "stays. The Idolmaster.” TALIESIN: We’re also going to be looking for a place to sleep. I don’t know if you’d recommend anywhere that– MATT: “You’re already here.” TALIESIN: You have rooms? MATT: “Yeah!” He points down. TALIESIN: That’s exciting! LAURA: Downstairs? MATT: “Yeah!” LAURA: Whoa, that could be so much fun! MARISHA: Is it haunted? MATT: “Do you like things that are haunted?” MARISHA and TALIESIN: Yes. MATT: “It’s haunted!” MARISHA and TALIESIN: Yeah! LAURA: Is it submerged in water? MATT: “No, we cleared out underneath. Everything that fell in, we cleared out, and we have "subterranean rooms.” TALIESIN: I’m very excited by this. ASHLEY: Do they have portholes to the water? MATT: “That’s not a bad idea.” He makes a note on a piece of paper. “There will be, in a few weeks.” ASHLEY: Okay. LIAM: Are they below the water level here? MATT: “Most of them, no. But there’s a few if you like it wee bit soggy.” TRAVIS: I walk away from the bar and stand near the door entrance. MARISHA: I cover for Fjord a little bit. Just taking space. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: Just fill it out. This is my bubble now. MATT: Nobody get close! TALIESIN: How many rooms do you have? MATT: “Four.” TALIESIN: How much are they apiece? MATT: “Let’s see, for the inn put it about a silver piece per room.” TALIESIN: I figure we should stay in all four for a couple of days. MATT: “Per person.” TALIESIN: Per person? MATT: “Yes.” LAURA: That’s a lot more than you originally made it sound like. MATT: “I apologize for the miscommunication.” TALIESIN: I am perfectly okay with this. TRAVIS: Yes. LAURA: Yeah, sure, why not? MARISHA: It is haunted. MATT: “That is the case. You pay for them spirits.” LAURA: Is there someone who can keep our cart? Do you have a place we can keep our cart? MATT: “You brought a cart?” LAURA: Well, yeah. MATT: “Then yeah. We can keep it. I can keep it.” LAURA: Keep it where? Where? MATT: (defeated) “You can take it to the stables.” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “The Midway Docks. But I can do it for you! For just a few copper. A delivery fee.” LAURA: No, I’ll do it because I want to see the town. MATT: “Okay.” TALIESIN: Eight silver. SAM: You said a silver per person? MATT: “Aye.” TALIESIN: Let’s put a couple– yeah, eight, that’s fine, I’ve got that. LAURA: Sure. MATT: “Fair enough. Deed is done. Thank you! Did you want me to be delivering your cart for you?” LAURA: No, I can do it. Yeah. SAM: We’ll be fine. MATT: “All right. If you ever get lazy– ” LAURA: Where’s the stable? MATT: “The Midway. There’s only really one stable. It’s a bit large, there. It’s in the Midway Docks, "so keep an eye out, ask around, you’ll find it.” MARISHA: Bonswallow. MATT: “Yeah?” MARISHA: We heard about a kooky regular. We just have to meet him. Febron? MATT: “You looking for old Febron?” MARISHA: Febron Keyes, yeah. MATT: “I ain’t going to ask. He’s over there. Left of the stage where it looks like he’s passed out, "probably in his own piss, most likely.” He points in the direction, you can see where they’re banging with hammers at the stage, there’s one guy who’s like (snoring). Just completely out. Probably drooling down the side of the face. LAURA: Man! I was going to look at everyone in here! SAM: We found him! We won! LAURA: He’s right here! SAM: We send the message back to The Gentleman, and we’ll collect our money. TALIESIN: Were we given anything special to say to him or should we go wake him up? LAURA: No, we have to secure the safe house. SAM: Oh, that’s right, that’s not– okay, I’m sorry, I was confused. MATT: He’s just the contact who knows. LAURA: Let’s go wake him up! TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m going to walk over and sit down at his table. MATT: (snoring) TALIESIN: Wave my drink underneath his nose. Hey hey hey! I pop it off. MATT: (snoring) TALIESIN: I’ll flick him in the forehead. MATT: (groans) “What the fuck you do that for?” SAM: Oh, boy. TALIESIN: You seem like such a charming gentleman. MATT: You now have the full appearance here, and it’s pretty busted. The Gentleman was wrong. There is one tooth, but it is black and angled. LIAM: From the bottom? MATT: Yeah, from the bottom out. The lips are cracked. The left eye is angling off in an off direction. He looks like he’s probably been kicked in the face a few times by probably a horse at some point in his childhood. He’s definitely had a rough go at life, probably, but has seemed to have carved a living. The very balding head on top, jaundiced skin, looks like he’s sweating from the general humidity of the air in there, along with probably who knows how much he’s been drinking and he’s sweating the alcohol through his pores. Doesn’t take care of himself. He looks up. “So "what you doing?” TALIESIN: You just seem like such a charming gentleman. MATT: “Why the fuck did you flick me?” TALIESIN: We were sent for. MATT: “From– ? Where’s my fucking drink?” TALIESIN: A certain gentleman. MATT: Tension goes straight. This eye goes (fwoop!). Joins the other. TALIESIN: I hand him the drink one more time. MATT: “You were sent by The Gentleman? Yeah? What’s he want?” MARISHA: Don’t drink from that again. Don’t. Wash that. TALIESIN: It’s sterile. By its very nature it’s sterile. SAM: Can you use Mending on him? LAURA: Just on his teeth. TALIESIN: Don’t fix him, he’s perfect! LIAM: That would be a 9th-level spell, that’s beyond– MARISHA: That’s a Wish! Yeah! TALIESIN: We’re here to help you with your troubles. MATT: (chuckles) “My troubles just started, mate! Don’t want anything with this. No. Fucking out. "No. Want nothing to do with it!” TALIESIN: We’re here to deal with the safe house. MATT: “Nope. Think I’m fucking doing it? It’s not my problem anymore! I don’t want anything to do "with him, or any of his business. He wants to send more of his toadies out to a drowning death? Go "for it! That’s up to you. I want nothing to do with it. You can do it without adding corpses by "my tangle.” TALIESIN: Well, if you want another drink, then, you’re going to show us how to get there and how to deal with it and what you know. MATT: “How is that? It’s a drink for it? Eh, fuck you!” TALIESIN: (laughs) I take my drink back. LIAM: We could also drag you back to The Gentleman if you’d prefer that, instead. Or you could point us in the right direction and let us take care of it. TRAVIS: True. He did not have the kindest things to say about you. MATT: Make an intimidation check. MARISHA: Beau gives a crack. LAURA: You’re so intimidating, Caleb. Really, really– LIAM: That is a 15. MATT: A 15? The sweat begins to build a little more on his brow. He’s like, “Well, I was just– "don’t need to be taking me back to him. You know, I don’t want the work anymore.” LIAM: Well, you know: keep it simple, stupid. MATT: (sighs) “Could I get another drink? Look mate, it’s some shit going on out there in the "swamp. I bet he didn’t tell you anything, did he?” LAURA: Was it gators? MATT: “No, it wasn’t gators!” LAURA: Oh well, because we are really good at killing those. LIAM: We are very aware that he has sent us into something more troublesome than he has described, and we are willing to do that. We’re told you are the one who can get us in the right direction? We’ll be very disappointed otherwise. MATT: “Look. It was easy work, mate. All right? Meet his friends, lead them to the safe house in "the swamp, lead them back. Good pay. Simple work. And yeah, I’m going to miss it, huh? But I value "my life more than that. Few weeks back I escorted one of his smuggled troops to the safe house in "the swamp. Right? The one you’re asking about. Left them there with instruction to return a few "days later and escort them to the underground river. Returned and I heard something cruel. Some "low, echoing howl. (weak scream) It was much scarier than that. Shaking, I got there, right? "Fucking hell. Outside the house, all of them, dead. Strung up in reeds and roots. Bloated and "left as a warning, that’s what I say. I hear the howl again, and I just run.” SAM: I’m covering Kiri’s ears. MATT: “There be curses in this swamp. Have been since before this loathsome struggle shithole’s "been here. (tearfully) Nightmares I been having, yeah? Been having ever since. Whatever it is, it’s "gotten in me head! I ain’t going. It ain’t worth it if I had the coin!” LAURA: What if we paid you 100 coin? MATT: “I’ll come for that.” (laughter) LAURA: All right. We could do that. ASHLEY: You just said “coin,” right? LAURA: I just said “coin.” I didn’t make it clear which kind of coin. SAM: Copper? 100 copper? LAURA: 100 copper? 100 silver, okay, 100 silver, you got it. MARISHA: Half and half. Little gold, little silver. Silver and gold. ASHLEY: Which make–? MATT: Make it a hundred gold pieces and buy me a drink. SAM: Yeah, I’ll pour you a drink. I’ll refill his cup. Does he have a cup? MATT: He does. He had to pull it off the ground. It’s knocked over and spilled. SAM: With my flask, I’ll fill it up. LAURA: That’s one part of it taken care of! MATT: “And the other?” LAURA: All right. SAM: Half now, half upon– LAURA: Upon delivery to the place. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: That’s a persuasive Jessie– LAURA: No, it’s not, it’s really not. LIAM: Damn it, Jessie! LAURA: It’s a nine! MATT: “100 gold now, or you’re pissing up the wind to find this little place!” LAURA: Don’t be a dick to us. You already said you were scared of us bringing you back to The Gentleman. What are you going to do? MATT: (Kiri, like Jester) “What are you going to do?” Your bird friend says. He goes– MARISHA: Yeah, what she said. MATT: (as Febron) “Look. I’m going to be risking my life, I’m going to do it for the right amount "of coin, okay? It’s a service I’m providing. You can drag me back if you like. It’s a pain in the ass!” MARISHA: Look, you got to risk your life for the coin, or we can drag you back, as you said, without any coin. MATT: “Then drag me back! Take me back to him! Empty-handed in the deal you’re looking for!” SAM: 100 gold. LAURA: And you sing us a song. On the stage. MATT: “100 gold.” LAURA: And? MATT: Make another persuasion check. With disadvantage. LIAM: Because Matt doesn’t want to sing. MATT: No, he doesn’t want to sing! LAURA: 12? MATT: He goes, “Deal, but it’s a short song!” LAURA: Yeah! Does everyone want to chip in a little bit of gold? SAM: Sure. TALIESIN: I want to point out, this is entirely your doing. LIAM: I’m going to give you all my gold. That is one. SAM: I’ll take Caleb’s share. MARISHA: Man, you are so broke all the damn time! LIAM: No, I have two silver and five copper! MARISHA: You are so broke all the damn time! LIAM: How. Broke. Am I? LAURA: This is like sorting out a check at the end of a meal. TRAVIS: I’ll give you 20. TALIESIN: I’ll give you 12. MARISHA: I’ll give you 20. I’ll cover Caleb. SAM: 12? LAURA: 20 plus 20, 12, okay. SAM: I’ll take the rest. MATT: Accounting in D&D! LAURA: No, I’m going to do 20 from me, too, so that’s 72, and then one from Caleb, so 73, so– SAM: 27 from me. LAURA: All right. ASHLEY: Wait, but I didn’t put any. I’ll put in ten, and you put in– SAM: 17. LAURA: All right. Here’s your gold. All of us pulled together. Now go sing your song! Wait, shake my hand because– eww. TALIESIN: You said it. LAURA: It’s really important to shake when you make a deal. And look me in the eye. MATT: His one eye wandering. ASHLEY: Both of them. LIAM: (whispers) Power ballad! MARISHA: Make it a good one. One we all know the words to. I want to sing along! I yell at him as he walks away. SAM: You’re the worst. MATT: He slinks over. The stage is only partially up, and the two guys go– “Just a moment.” They’re like, “Fuck off!” “Just a fucking moment! Just one!” They’re like, “Fucking hell, Febron, "seriously?” They step back, cross their arms and he gets up on the stage. LAURA: Margaritaville! MATT: Looks at the pouch of coins. MARISHA: Free Bird! ASHLEY: Stairway to Heaven! MATT: (singing off-key) “All the sailors say: Brandy, you’re a fine girl. What a good wife you "could be.” TALIESIN: Oh, you know this one. MATT and ASHLEY: “But my life, my lover, my lady is the sea!” (laughter and applause) MATT: “I need a drink!” He goes back towards the bar. LAURA: Wait, are we leaving in the morning? When are we doing this? MATT: “When do you want to leave?” SAM and LAURA: In the morning. TALIESIN: We’ve got some shopping to do, we’ve got to run around a bit. SAM: 10:30. ASHLEY: Wait a minute. SAM: A soft 10:30. ASHLEY: Did you already give him the gold? TRAVIS: Yeah. ASHLEY: Hang on. TRAVIS: He ain’t going to fucking be here in the morning. MATT: “You ain’t taking it back!” ASHLEY: Excuse me, how do we know you’re going to show up tomorrow? And not just run away with the gold? LIAM: Well, he is staying with us this evening. ASHLEY: Ah, that’s right. You’re staying with us. MATT: “I’m staying with you?” LAURA and ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: “Sure. Fine. Great.” ASHLEY: Take your pick. LAURA: No! ASHLEY: Choose wisely. TALIESIN: I sleep naked. Thank you. MATT: “Ready to snuggle, big lady?” ASHLEY: Good choice. MARISHA: Yes! MATT: He goes and finishes his drink. You’re shown the sleeping quarters for the evening. There is a hatch behind and to the back of the bar. It looks like a dark corner, where there’s almost no light. The barkeep, Dent, comes over and brings one of the lanterns off the wall and opens up a hatch, and there is a ladder that leads down inside. Literally, they’ve cleared out most of the ruin of the old establishment below it, and there are four separate rooms with a small hallway between, like a cross-section hallway, that are built as a subterranean sleeping quarters. LAURA: This is so cool! ASHLEY: Awesome. MATT: There are no windows! It feels very much like a prison cell with a bed, but it’s functional. LAURA: Are there two beds in the rooms, or is it just one bed? MATT: One bed per room. SAM: Oh, boy. MARISHA: Feels very trendy. LAURA: Time to snuggle up, Beau! MARISHA: Let’s do it! TRAVIS: Who’s taking Kiri? LAURA: Oh, Kiri’s staying with us. TRAVIS: Okay. SAM: There’s four rooms: one of them is Yasha and the weirdo– TRAVIS: Molly and Fjord. TALIESIN: Mm-hmm. LAURA: And you and Caleb. SAM: Okay. As we go into our room, I say to Caleb: It’s not really haunted, is it? LIAM: I highly doubt it. I mean, it’s possible. LAURA: Oh, shit. We need to take the cart to the stables. TALIESIN: We’re putting our stuff down and we’re also– How late is it at this point? MATT: It’s post-sundown. In the time of searching the city, having the drink and conversation, it’s probably close to 9:30, 10:00, probably. LAURA: Oh, shit. Maybe we should have the guy take it. Or should we just leave it outside? I think that’s a bad idea. TALIESIN: That’s a terrible idea. SAM: Have him take care of it. Well, we know what’s in it. There’s inventory, so if anything’s missing, it’s on him. It’s on Dent. LAURA: Okay, yes, we’ll have Dent take it to the stables. MARISHA: Do you think he has insurance to cover lost goods? Because I don’t think he does. LIAM: Insurance? No, we are in a podunk town, there is no insurance here. MATT: Taking all the horses and the cart to the stables, Dent, looking it all over, charges you two silver for the service. LAURA: Can I insight check him and make sure he’s going to be honest? MATT: Go for it. LAURA: A natural one. He’s the most trustworthy guy I’ve ever met in my entire life. MATT: Seems above board, yeah. MARISHA: Someone should go with him and we get the valuables off. TALIESIN: Are you going to rethread the silver that is– LIAM: Well, we’ve been here an hour, there are seven hours-ish left on the spell. That’ll get us through most of the night. TALIESIN: That’s fair. LIAM: What all’s in there? You have the– MARISHA: Wait, does that go with the cart? LIAM: Sure, I thread the cart, but you have the thingy. LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: That’s the most important thing. SAM: The only thing on the cart is your thing that you bought at the festival and some crocodile skins. TALIESIN: Yep. Some leather, some armor. There’s a few things. LIAM: I’m fine to send it. MARISHA: It’s fine, yeah. LAURA: Okay, here’s a couple silver for you. Thank you. MATT: “No worries, happy to help!” He goes and carries it off and takes care of it for the evening. LIAM: Also, Nott, I would not worry: the spookiest thing in this place is us. SAM: That is true. MATT: You guys gather your things and bed down for the evening, taking your respective chambers. LIAM: (squeaking) Quick conversation? MATT: Sure. LIAM: Just, quick. SAM: (squeaking) (squeaking) MATT: That was Kiri. LIAM: As the hooligans are getting ready for bed, I wanted to say to Nott: You know, I think, for obvious reasons now, I have kept a lot of things close to the vest, and those things are out. If you ever want to talk about anything– now or later, after you think about it– you are my friend, and you can talk to me– if you want. SAM: Well, thank you. You know, I don’t want to burden you with my shit. You’ve got your own fish to fry and your own battles to wage, and I don’t want you to have to worry about me or anything. That means a lot to me, and– oh, hello. LIAM: I can’t see you through your booze. SAM: That’s the point. MARISHA: Was going to say, it’s the full Wilson effect. SAM: I just want you to be okay. It sounds like this person who corrupted you is out there still, and we need to find him and you know, kill him or whatever? If that’s something that you want to do? I’m fine focusing on that. I’ve got my own issues, but I’m fine taking care of yours first. The thing is, your story that you poured out to me and Beau, the other day– it was very sad, and I’m so sorry that you had to go through it, but I have to say, in a way, I’m a little bit jealous. Because you’ve done this horrible thing– not to make light of it or anything, but it’s bad– and we can all tell that you’re wearing it in your dirty clothes and your mussed hair– LIAM: I’m clean right now. SAM: Well, I know, but still– You know when you’re dirty and it rains, and it streaks down and dries? That’s the sort of thing you’ve got going on right now. TALIESIN: Like you’ve just kissed Spider-Man. LIAM: I mean, an hour in, yeah, but we were in the rain for like, 48 hours. SAM: But you’ve got a lot of dirt on you. LIAM: Yeah, did Laura Bailey put you up to this? SAM: No. All I’m saying is, I feel like you can get revenge. You can maybe even get redemption for what you’ve done, and you can become a better person. You can do good to counteract the bad that you’ve done in your past, and maybe someday there will be an end to your suffering. LIAM: You’re getting ahead of yourself, okay? I am a garbage person. Let’s put that on the table. But while I am a piece of shit, we can help each other in the short term. This is going further than I anticipated. I just meant that if– These people we are with are all interesting, and great– and untrustworthy, but great– but I trust you, which wasn’t really true three weeks ago. I just mean I wasn’t– I don’t know, words don’t do it. Talk to me if you want. SAM: All right. Thank you for the offer. Good night, Caleb. LIAM: Gute nacht. MARISHA: Hey, Jester? LAURA: Yeah? MARISHA: What do you think Captain Max-dung, whatever his name was– LAURA: Maximilian. MARISHA: Maximilian meant by (exaggeratedly sexy) “I’ll see you again.” LAURA: I think he was saying something that cute guys sometimes say, those kind of things. MARISHA: Yeah, like, “Ooh, I hope our paths cross again someday, ooh.” LAURA: Then later on in the book, you run into him again, and he remembers you. MARISHA: And you’re like, “Ooh, that’s Captain Max.” LAURA: Then he takes off his helmet this time, and you see that he’s got the most fabulous hair that blows in the wind. MARISHA: Oh, man, you’re like, “I never knew he had such luscious locks, mmm.” LAURA: Captain Maximilian is probably like that. MARISHA: I think so, too. Do you think he had the hots for any one of us? Do you think that’s why he said this like, “I want to see you again.” LAURA: He probably had the hots for you, Beau. MARISHA: I think he had the hots for you. LAURA: Well, no, probably not! MARISHA: I mean. LAURA: Maybe it was Yasha! MARISHA: (whispering) Maybe it was Yasha. Maybe it was like, “Ooh, I’m a captain.” MATT: (like Beau) “Ooh, I’m a captain.” LAURA: Yeah! Have you ever read Tusk Love, Kiri? MATT: (curious chirping) LAURA: You know what, maybe Kiri shouldn’t read Tusk Love just yet. MATT: (scoots chair closer) LAURA: Kiri, how old are your parents? MATT: (confused chirping) LAURA: You don’t know how old they are? MATT: (confused chirping) LAURA: How old are you compared to most people that are like you? MATT: (confused chirping) LAURA: I think that means she’s pretty young. MARISHA: Yeah. Kiri, where do babies come from? She doesn’t know what the hell we’re talking about. LAURA: Yes, she does. MATT: (like Beau) “Where do babies come from?” LAURA: Your voice is very low, Beau! MARISHA: Is that how I sound? LAURA: You kind of do sound like that. MARISHA: Wow, I have a lot to re-evaluate. TRAVIS: Got some nuts on you there. MARISHA: I have to think about some things. We should go to sleep. LIAM: Hanging brain. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to spend the evening telling Kiri basically the story of Tusk Love– SAM: Oh god. LAURA: But she doesn’t have to read it, I can leave out the really dirty bits. MARISHA: I fall asleep 20 minutes in, drooling a little. LAURA: I tell her all about Oskar. MATT: Kiri is just enthralled. LAURA: It’s the most beautiful love story you’ve ever heard in your entire life, basically. MATT: (trilling) LAURA: I draw pictures of it to illustrate what I’m talking about. MATT: If you could see a blackbird blush. Molly and Fjord? TALIESIN: It’s not that I don’t trust this place or like it, but I’m thinking about locking the door a little more heavily than normal. I’m going to wedge my sword underneath the door to make sure that it can’t open without moving the sword. It’s a lot of new people today. TRAVIS: Smart. TALIESIN: I don’t like new people. TRAVIS: Is there any moisture in the corners of the room? MATT: Yeah, and you guys notice, two of the rooms are dry, two of the rooms have about half an inch of water on the floor. TRAVIS: Which one is ours? MATT: Half an inch of water on the floor. TRAVIS: I really don’t mind, This is actually pretty familiar. TALIESIN: I’m all right with this as well. This is fine. I’ll take the bed, though, if you’re offering! TRAVIS: Not a problem. MATT: All right. The door closes in the chamber. (gulps drink) “Hello.” SAM: (electric guitar riff) ASHLEY: I start pushing the bed up against the door. MATT: “Interesting. Right, okay.” He starts taking his linen shirt off: it’s stained and– ASHLEY: Now, you can sleep with your clothes on. MATT: “I can, but it’s not as comfortable.” ASHLEY: I throw him a pillow. MATT: “All right. You first.” ASHLEY: I’m sleeping in the bed. MATT: “Yeah, me too.” ASHLEY: No, you didn’t pay for this room. MATT: “May I sleep in the bed?’” ASHLEY: (gum popping) No. You won’t fit in the bed with me. I am very big. MATT: “Let’s try.” ASHLEY: Let’s not. MATT: “Very well.” He lays down on the somewhat slightly waterlogged floor, takes the pillow and bundles it up in the corner of the room and lays down next to it. You have a little oil lamp that you can put out. ASHLEY: I’m going to leave it on. LAURA: Leave that shit on. ASHLEY: I sit up against the bed. MATT: All right. You guys all eventually get to sleep. You get an evening’s rest, managing to adjust to the unpleasant smell of somewhat swamp bog water-soaked subterranean inn room, but the night comes and passes. We’ll pick up next week as the morning comes to. LIAM: Febron is totally telling his friends that he nailed a barbarian. ASHLEY: We’ll see what happens! TALIESIN: It’s going to become that story that everyone hates. LIAM: (as Febron) So I had her alone, right? MATT: He’s a creepy little fuck. LAURA: Ew. ASHLEY: You never know! He could get lucky! LIAM: (as Febron) It’s me pheromones! MATT: “Gets them everytime, eh?” Thank you, guys! That was fun. Moving right along. LAURA: I like this place. MARISHA: I need a new notebook after this session. SAM: You filled that whole thing?! TRAVIS: She writes at like font 55. MARISHA: I do. LIAM: Each page is a centimeter thick, though, on this book. TRAVIS: Yeah, and each page has like 15 words in it. LIAM: But there’s illustrations, maps, curse words, colors– MATT: Learn from our monk! LIAM: Punisher skulls. MARISHA: Skulls are bad guys. MATT: Yeah, it’s good annotation. LAURA: Smart! LIAM: Mountain range. MARISHA: Oh, you recognized it as a mountain range! That’s great! TALIESIN: Who wants the coin in the morning, by the way? LAURA: Oh yeah. TALIESIN: I think this is a clever system. SAM: We haven’t used it, yet. TALIESIN: Yeah, but in the morning, somebody gets it. SAM: I’ll take it. MATT: Nott’ll take the Fragment of Probability in the morning. We’ll pick this up next Thursday! Also, we’re going to have a guest next week. LAURA: We are?! MATT: I’ve told you this a number of times. LIAM: I remembered, Matthew. MATT: Thank you. SAM: Playing the kenku? MATT: No. We have a guest: my brother from another motherland for the past decade in the world of D&D. Some of you may know him from his online D&D stream, High Rollers: Mark Hulmes will be in town and joining us as a guest next week. LIAM: No Englishmen. MATT: Too bad, he’s coming. MARISHA: We already had Kit. We already had an Englishwoman. LIAM: She was the last one. SAM: (exaggerated American accent) But only if he does an American accent. MARISHA: I want full Benedict Cumberbatch. SAM: (exaggerated American accent) I’m from California. MATT: If we could get it out of him at some point, that’d be great. TALIESIN: I love a fake American accent. MATT: Mark’s a long-time friend. He came and watched the show live when we first started streaming long ago. Happy to have him come in and join us next week. Excited for that, Mark. We’ll see you then. The rest of you, rest well, have a wonderful weekend. You as well. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night! [music] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons. SAM: Dirty ass voice actors? MATT: Yes. LAURA: Is that what you said? MATT: That is what I said. LIAM: That’s accurate. MATT: Yeah. Before we go into tonight’s game, we have a couple of quick announcements to go through, one of which is kind of awesome. First and foremost, we have our fantastic friends and sponsors of this campaign thus far and going on to infinity, D&D Beyond. Sam, if you want to talk a little bit about that, please. SAM: Hey everybody, D&D Beyond wanted you guys to know that Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes is out. Big news here guys, it’s not Mordenkainen’s, and it’s not a Tomb of Foes, as I’ve been saying it. It’s Mordenkainen’s Tomb– Tome of Foes. Fuck! (laughter) SAM: You can purchase it right now at D&D Beyond on their website. Also, if a player in your campaign has a master level subscription, any player, not just the DM, that owns Mordenkainen’s Tome of Foes can share content with everyone in the party. But the real announcement tonight is that D&D Beyond has gone beyond. They’ve made a thing that I made, but then they took it and they made it, but it’s even better than I made it. We’re going to play it for you tonight, and you might enjoy it. Have you guys seen it yet? LIAM: We’re about to! SAM: It’s so good! Okay, roll that tape. [drum intro] ♪ You got the perfect warlock, ♪ ♪ her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘cause you’re so disorganized! ♪ ♪ You click open the web page ♪ ♪ you heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ in that mineshaft full of gnolls! ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you got your sword ♪ ♪ and you’ve got your invisible wand! ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D! ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪ (cheering) SAM: That’s amazing. TRAVIS: Holy shit! SAM: Yeah, they did it. LAURA: It was so wonderful! We’re an 80s cartoon, guys! SAM: It’s so good. MATT: It’s weirdly emotional. SAM: It’s all of our characters, animated! We have to give some shout outs to Kamille and Kevin Areopagita for working on this. Those were the animators. Go visit at Twitter @Karekareo. We’ll put it up on the thing. You can visit their Patreon, Patreon.com/kiframe. It’s really cool, and it’s really fast, so we thought we might play it again. ALL: (chanting) Again! One more time! [drum intro] ♪ You got the perfect warlock, ♪ ♪ her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ ‘cause you’re so disorganized! ♪ ♪ You click open the web page ♪ ♪ you heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ *And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ *in that mineshaft full of gnolls! ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you got your sword ♪ ♪ and you’ve got your invisible wand! ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D! ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪ (cheering) TALIESIN: Thank you, Sam! SAM: It’s not me, it’s them! It’s the D&D! TRAVIS: Those fucking vocals, son. That shit. MATT: How layered was that harmony at the end? SAM: I did like seven or 12 tracks of harmony. There’s all kinds of stuff going on. TRAVIS: The synth gives me 80s life in the best way. SAM: The drum fill at the end: there’s a real drum fill, but it’s also me going: Do do, do do, do do. (laughter) MATT: Seriously, Kamille, Kevin Areopagita, you guys are amazing. Such an incredible job on that. I want to plug their Patreon again because they deserve it. That’s patreon.com/kiframe. Go check out their work. They’re fantastic. ASHLEY: Unreal. TRAVIS: I will be watching that on repeat until 3:00am. MATT: Yeah. Yeah, I know. LIAM: Can we all cry if we can get the whole game tonight? MATT: It wouldn’t be Critical Role if we didn’t at some point. Thank you, D&D Beyond, for being fantastic partners in this and for making that shit happen! (voice cracking) Okay, moving on. Oh man. LIAM: (voice cracking) Emotional cry! MATT: I know! Vox Machina: Origins, the hardcover, the physical copy went on sale today! It is available for purchase now through our friends at Dark Horse. You can find all the details at critrole.com. It includes the collection of the six issue, Vox Machina: Origins comic arc, previously digital release only, as well as a bunch of extras in the back. The art process and the designing of the characters, a whole map of Stilben, and a bunch of information about some of the characters, creatures, and items that you see throughout the story, for possible use in your home game. But anyway, check it out. I hope you enjoy it. We’re real proud of it. Stream of Many Eyes starts tomorrow. Ashley and me are going to be playing on a game tomorrow night for Force Grey and then a bunch of us are going to be there on Sunday throughout the day doing various games. You can check out dnd.wizards.com/SoME for all the information for this weekend. If you can’t be there in person, they are streaming it so at least you can check it all out there. It’s going to be a lot of fun. Cool reveals, and crazy stuff. LAURA and TALIESIN: So crazy. MATT: It’s so crazy. Talks Machina is every Tuesday evening at 7:00pm Pacific where our fantastic, recently-escaped-from-the-Far-Realm Brian W. Foster will be hosting. This is discussed next week on the things that happened in this week’s episode you’re about to see. So check it out. It should be fun. I will be at A-Kon, June 8th to the 10th. So in a couple weeks, I’ll be out there at Dallas/Fort Worth for panels, signings and going to talk and hang out with people as much as I can. So if you’re in that area, come say hello! I believe– LAURA: Wait, I’ve got one thing. MATT: Oh, what you got? What you got, Laura? LAURA: Oh well, I was just perusing our store recently because sometimes I do that. SAM: Full of good stuff! LAURA: It is full of good stuff, but something I noticed that we haven’t announced is that the rings that we had forever ago. TRAVIS: The d20 ring? LAURA: The d20 spinner rings? Those things are in the store right now. I don’t know if we found a stockpile of them that we had missed, but there are some in the store right now. Just so you know. TRAVIS: Where the 20 is the CR logo, too? TALIESIN: Oh shit. LAURA: I know, we just found some, I guess, because they’re there! There’s a bunch of other stuff, too, t-shirts and stuff, but the spinner ring is there for maybe five more seconds. Maybe. I don’t know. MATT: I do like the idea that we have mystery caches of old items showing up. It’s a perpetual surprise! You’ll never know what you’ll see! LIAM: And new items. New items on sale right now. TRAVIS: It’s so pretty! LIAM: Look at this. Also, hi, Dread Singles, feel better! Look at that! Look at it on paper! Look at the color! We can hold it and taste it and smell it! MATT: Olivia Samson, our fantastic Critter artist, did such a great job on this series. If you haven’t had a chance to look at her work, please do. She’s amazing. And on that note, let us all jump in to tonight’s episode of Critical Role. TRAVIS: (drum beat) [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: And welcome back. That was pretty creative. Well done. LIAM: He would totally do that. MATT: Hmm, that’s a 6th-level spell. Anyway, welcome back. To catch up on what previously occurred. The Mighty Nein had decided to leave Zadash in the wake of the now declared war between the Dwendalian Empire and the Xhorhasian hordes to the east. You decided to side with The Gentleman, a purveyor of various darker and underhanded deeds throughout this side of the Empire who offered you two possible contracted options. You chose both and proceeded onto your first leg of this journey to the northeast to the Labenda Swamp and to the city of Berleben where you were tasked to discover what had happened to a safe house of which various smuggled goods would be stored and then transported through, that had gone dark for a number of weeks. You packed up, made your way in that direction, traversed through the outskirts of the swamp, managed to save a tiny bird friend from being consumed by a few large crocodiles and scoured the swamp city of Berleben in search of some means of information to find the individual that The Gentleman says would be able to help you in this journey, Febron. Febron was found, drunk and disorderly, in the Keystone Pub. LAURA: That’s so sexy. MATT: Oh, so sexy. He’s a right nice one. But no. You managed to interrogate him, made him an offer he couldn’t refuse and he agreed to lead you onto where the safe house exists within the swamp. You rented out the rooms in the subterranean chambers of the old and almost collapsed pub. You separated yourselves for the evening, completed your rest and we pick up as morning comes to greet you. Lightless, as there are no windows and you just eventually come to on what you assume is an evening’s full rest. You all independently come to shake your heads and get yourselves prepared for what the next day’s journey arises, you gather your things and you glare at the rather awkward Febron across the way, who, as you wake up, is just sitting there watching you sleep. MARISHA and LAURA: Ew. ASHLEY: You’re so creepy. I’m going to pull the bed out from the door. Are you ready to get up? MATT: Well, I mean, I’m ready to do whatever you want. Lead the way. ASHLEY: Great. (retches) Okay. Open the door, we’ll head upstairs. MATT: You guys begin to– LAURA: We wake up all cuddled in a pile in our room. MARISHA: Yeah. Just floofy with Kiri in between. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: A little cuddle pile. MATT: (like Jester) “It’s sharp!” LAURA: You don’t sleep with the daggers, Kiri. You want to remove them. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: We should have taught her that last night. MARISHA: Yeah, that’s pretty– I’m glad we’re alive. MATT: You guys all begin to gather and make your way up the ladder, through the hatch in the floor of the Keystone Pub, which is not bustling by any means. There are maybe three patrons in the process of having their morning ale. You glance over the side and you can see Dent Bonswallow who’s in the process of cleaning off a number of the glasses from the night before. He looks over in your direction and goes, “Oh, right. Bright morning to you all. Rise up! Would you like breakfast of some kind, hey?” TRAVIS: That’s a lot of fucking energy this early in the morning. God. (clears throat) LAURA: I would like so much of whatever you have, please, thank you. MATT: “Right. Coming right up! Go an find a place to sit, be with you in about an hour.” ALL: An hour?! MATT: “Well, I’ve got to make your food!” (grumbling) TRAVIS: Do you have to go and kill it first? MATT: He’s counting. “About an hour.” LAURA: Ugh. That’s a long time. TRAVIS: Yeah. What are we going to do until then? SAM: It’s like an Easy-Bake Oven. TRAVIS: I mean, should we explore the street that we’re on? I mean, we’ve got a long wait time. SAM: Should we see if the– oh, no. The horses were taken. TRAVIS: They took the cart. LAURA: To the stables. MATT: Yeah, that’s all situated there. There is, in the far corner of the chamber, the back wall opposite to the right of where the stage is being constructed– though right now, it looks like there’s no current construction going on at the moment– a hooded figure is slowly walking towards the table where you guys are deciding or not whether to sit. LAURA: We run for it and we get the table first. MATT: Okay. You manage to sit on one of the small benches on the side. Scrapes the ground as you push into the side and the– MARISHA: I take my staff and I lay it long ways over the entire bench on the other side. TRAVIS: The old movie theater grab? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: The cloaked figure stops and takes in this physical display, and then continues to approach. LIAM: Frumpkin walks to the edge of the table and shows his butthole by lifting his tail up. MATT: Mark, if you want to step in. (laughter) MARISHA: We’re always so mean to the guests! MATT: Mark Hulmes, long-time friend, dungeon master of High Rollers. LIAM: I just can’t believe he got here. MARK: You tried. MATT: The first thing you see: the individuals you have been waiting throughout the evening to show up begin to step through, groggily complain about the space and then claim a table as you begin to approach, which you are greeted with stares and a cat butthole. LAURA: This table is taken by The Mighty Nein, but if you need anything, there’s other tables. MARK: Oh yeah. Hi, actually, I kind of– You see this feminine-looking figure. Long black hair that covers almost the entire side of her left face, wearing a hood up, dark green cloak, black and green clothes, you can occasionally see green ribbons in her long hair. She is like: I’m really sorry to bother you guys, just– I couldn’t help but overhear some conversation you had last– I’m sorry to be really forward. Are you heading into the swamp today? MARISHA: You were listening in to our conversations? MARK: Not on purpose. I’m really desperate to find a way into the swamp and you were talking really loudly. LAURA: I like your ribbons. MARK: Thank you. Oh my– you’re blue! And she (gasps) And she looks up at you. LAURA: You’re not. MARK: No. I mean, you’re so cute! And looks around. TRAVIS: If you don’t mind us asking, why are you heading into the swamp yourself? MARK: Oh. Well, it’s kind of a long story just– LIAM: Oh, well we have an hour. MARK: It’s also a bit of, well, I mean. You guys haven’t been hired by any creepy people in dragon masks, have you? You don’t know anyone like that? MARISHA: I mean, not for several years for a different reason. TALIESIN: Definitely a long time since I’ve dealt with anyone in a dragon mask. LAURA: I’ve never seen anyone in a dragon mask before. SAM: We’ve been hired by creepy people, but not by– Oh, so I’m wearing a mask, but that is a different kind of mask. It’s not a dragon mask. MARISHA: Same kind of creepy, though. LAURA: And this is a bird. MATT: (chirping) MARK: What is that? LAURA and TALIESIN: A bird. MARK: Like, it walks around? MATT: (like Jester) “A bird.” LAURA: She. She walks around. MATT: (like Jester) “She walks around.” TRAVIS: Repeats stuff, yeah. MARK: Oh my god. LAURA: She’s kind of the best. MARK: She’s adorable! Hello? MATT: (like Cali) “Hello?” SAM: She’s doing you. MATT: (whistles) MARK: (stuttering) Oh my god. LIAM: Edubation. MATT: She pulls a dagger out. LAURA: No! Probably not so much like that. MARK: Wow. I’ve never seen a bird like that before that can talk. Is that your daughter? TRAVIS: Yes. Yep. Mm-hmm. SAM: Yes, he’s my dad. MARK: I can tell by the ears. LAURA: And the green. MARK: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Green ears and then like the– anyway. Sorry, I’m getting distracted from what you asked me. That happens sometimes. Just give me a nudge and I’ll get back on track. There’s something out in the swamp. There’s somewhere, like a smuggler’s holdout or like a storehouse, I think maybe. LAURA: Mm. Weird. That’s crazy. TALIESIN: That’s a weird thing to put in the middle of a swamp. LAURA: Yeah, well, anyway. What it is that you need with that, though? MARK: Well, somebody was transporting an item I’m looking for and I think it’s there and I need to get it before some other people get it. But I’m not stealing it. Well, I kind of am stealing it, but I’m taking it back for a good reason. LAURA: Is it the people in the dragon masks that want it? MARK: Yeah, it is. You look trustworthy. TRAVIS: Are you getting paid for this item retrieval? MARK: Me? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARK: No. It’s more of a personal thing. I want to make sure it doesn’t get into the wrong hands. LAURA: Is it your underwear? MARK: What? SAM: Yeah. What’s the item? I mean. I’m sure my father would want to know what’s the item. MATT: (like Jester) “Your underwear?” MARK: Well, it’s a bowl? I know that sounds weird. I think it’s part of a ritual and I need to get it. SAM: Like a bowl or a bowl? MARK: I’ve never seen a bowl like that. You couldn’t get a lot of soup in a bowl like that big. I mean a big bowl. LAURA: It’s a soup bowl, then? TRAVIS: What have you been doing after school? Honey? SAM: After-school activities. MARK: You have a very comfortable relationship. It’s really nice to see, to be honest. TRAVIS: Very open, yeah. We’re like best friends. SAM: I tell him everything. MARK: That’s good. You need to have that trust between family. LIAM: You want to have a big bowl. TRAVIS: So you’re searching for a bowl. MARK: Yeah. That’s right. TRAVIS: And used in rituals? MARK: I think so, yes. I need to make sure it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands, that’s all. TRAVIS: Our business might be headed out that way a little later today. Does she have any weapons on her that are visible? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Not me! MARISHA: You’re not Grog anymore, it’s okay. TRAVIS: Yes. That’s okay. 17. MATT: All right. Glancing about– MARK: There’s no obvious weapons that you can see on her, but she has this long green cloak that’s really covering her left side and you would probably see that there’s black scales all over her left side and she’s deliberately holding her arm completely hidden. Her arm’s invisible underneath the cloak. LIAM: Also, I’m wondering if she seems straightforward. Is the nervousness an act? MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: Yeah, okay. MATT: Welcome to playing with Caleb. LAURA: Insight check. Insight check! MARK: I know. I’ve seen this show. LIAM: It’s a 15. MATT: 15? Okay. It seems to be rather forthright. Yeah. Seems to be on the level. LIAM: Okay. SAM: Which is not a good answer. MATT: Yeah. She seems nervous. LIAM: Could go either way on that. MATT: You know, based on what you’re asking. As far as the features, if I recall, they’re was it half-elven? MARK: Yeah. The human half looks half-elven, ever so slightly elven features. Slightly pointed ear, but the left side covered. MARISHA: All right. So you’re looking for a bowl. A dangerous bowl. LAURA: A soup bowl used in rituals. MARK: Yeah. MARISHA: You don’t want to get it in the wrong hands because– TALIESIN: Of people in dragon masks. TRAVIS: Do you think they’re sending people to get it there before you? MARK: I love your jewelry by the way. It’s really nice. TALIESIN: Thank you. I’ve picked everything out myself. This is all put together. LAURA: (tinkling) LIAM: Also, why do these people want the bowl that you’re talking about? MARK: They’re– Do any of them have holy symbols or religious symbols anywhere on their person? TALIESIN: I’m literally covered in them. MARK: Of who? TALIESIN: Everybody. Literally, the coat is made up of seven different options. MATT: Everybody who is legal within the Empire. TALIESIN: Yes. But there’s also– yeah. MARK: Is the Platinum Dragon one of those? TALIESIN: Yeah. I’m wearing a Platinum Dragon necklace. MARK: Okay. She notices the Platinum Dragon. Are you a worshipper of the Platinum Dragon by any chance? TALIESIN: Sure. MARK: Okay, yeah. Well, if you’re traveling with somebody who’s a worshipper of the Platinum Dragon, I guess I can trust you. TRAVIS: Oh, good for us. LAURA: He’s incredibly trustworthy and he worships like crazy. TALIESIN: That’s what everybody says. MARK: Oh, by the gods, that’s– TALIESIN: Remind me to show you my tapestries. MARK: Okay. TRAVIS: Is that code for something? TALIESIN: No, it’s literally my tapestries. MARISHA: Just don’t touch them. LAURA: Because he’s had them wrapped around his weenie. MARK: Like. Oh my good– uh, well, um. TALIESIN: She’s high on sugar. Don’t listen to her. Anyway. MARK: Yeah. Have you ever heard of the Scaled Tyrant? TRAVIS and SAM: No. MARK: Well, it’s probably a good thing. They’re not a very nice goddess and the worshippers of her are after this bowl and I need to stop them getting it. They’re not good people. TRAVIS: And you have a reason to believe that they are expeditiously heading towards this bowl as well? MARK: They bought it and I think they’re after it now, yes. LIAM: This is a very tactless question, but you are talking about the Scaled Tyrant and you also are sporting some scales. Is that a coincidence or are they related? MARK: I’m sorry, a lot of people get really nervous when they see them. I’m not diseased or cursed or anything just– yeah, I’ve– LIAM: We’re pretty cool. MARK: She brushes the hair to her side and she adjusts the cloak and you can see the whole left side is black dragon scales and her hand is a draconic claw. LAURA and ASHLEY: Whoa! MARK: A black dragon tail sweeps out from under the cloak. I’m like a tenth dragon and some people get freaked out by that. MARISHA: You’re sure you’re just a tenth? MARK: Yeah, I think so. All I know is that a great ancestor of mine was a black dragon and I’ve inherited some of that. LAURA: Like a full dragon? MARK: Yeah, that’s what I’ve been told. MATT: “I think it’s pretty sexy to be honest.” You see Febron there, is this creepier old man, balding, little liver spotted, missing most of his teeth, one eye wandering a bit. MARK: Is he with you? MARISHA: No. LAURA: Well, he’s going to take us where we need to go. MARK: Oh, so– LIAM: He’s work for hire. MARK: Okay. All right. I’m just going to stand next to Caleb, away from this guy. MARISHA: I’ve had shorter conversations with family members. What’s your name? MARK: Oh, sorry. I’m Calianna, you can call me Cali. MARISHA: Kelly? MARK: Cali. MARISHA: Cali. Calianna, that’s cool. MARK: Hi! Nice to meet you all. What are your names? MATT: (like Nott) “Welcome to the Mighty Nein!” The little bird creature begins to chirp in your direction. MARK: That’s a really long name. LAURA: She’s Kiri. MARK: Oh, Kiri. Hello Kiri. I am Cali. MATT: (like Cali) “Hello Kiri. I’m Cali.” MARK: No you’re Kiri. MATT: (like Cali) “You’re Kiri.” MARK: No, I’m Cali. MATT: (chirping) SAM: Only 56 more minutes until breakfast is ready! MATT: For the sake of expediency, you share what information you choose to in that space of time, but food does come to you piecemeal as your fine Dent Bonswallow friend decides to deliver it plate by plate as it arrives. It’s passable, most of it’s a little overcooked breakfast meats, bit of rubbery egg and that’s about it. A good swamp breakfast. LAURA: They need more sugar here. TRAVIS: Listen, we are kind of heading in that direction. MARK: I won’t be a burden or anything, but if you don’t mind me coming, I could use the help. The swamp, I’ve tried to go out in it by myself, and there’s something out there. LAURA: Gators. Giant ones. MARK: I’ve seen some of those, I avoided them. But there’s also something else. I haven’t quite seen it yet. MATT: (growling) You hear this deep, horrible growling sound that echoes around you. MARK: That’s it, I heard that noise. MATT: You see Kiri’s feathers fluffing up as she does it. (growling) SAM: Can you do that again, Kiri? MATT: (growling) SAM: Have we ever heard this sound before? MATT: It’s the sound of the crocodiles from the battle before. LIAM: Frumpkin travels over to Kiri and starts going (purring) as he nestles against Kiri. MATT: Kiri starts fluffing and loosely purring back. MARK: Is that cat with you? LIAM: The cat is with me. MARK: Oh, cats don’t like me. They tend to really freak out. TRAVIS: Yes! I understand that completely. You and I, we’re going to be real close, I can feel. MARK: I think they can smell the dragon blood. TRAVIS: I know, they can tell. MARK: Are you a dragon as well?! TRAVIS: No. I’m allergic. LIAM: I take a step and a half away from Cali. LAURA: Cali, did you hear any howling in the swamp, because we heard there were howling monsters? MATT: Nothing that was howling-esque, necessarily, but you didn’t travel too far into the swamp. MARK: No, I didn’t really go that far deep in, with the gators and some shadows moving around. I know a little magic, but I’ve never fought before, so. SAM: You’ve never fought? MARK: No, I had a bit of a reclused upbringing. I learned magic, I know a few spells, and I learned how to control it a bit. Draconic blood gives me some magic, but I’ve never been in a real fight before. SAM: Caleb can teach you all about magic, he knows all the spells and he’s very wise. MARK: Really? SAM: Yes! MARK: Oh wow! TRAVIS: Although I don’t think we’re going to have time for that. If you’re going to join us, you’re going to have to work for your food, you understand? MARK: I do! TRAVIS: My name’s Fjord, by the way. MARK: Nice to meet you Fjord. MARISHA: Beau. MARK: Beau? LIAM: Caleb. Yeah. SAM: Bren. MARK: Bren? LAURA: Jester Fancypants. MARK: That’s a brilliant name. TALIESIN: Molly. ASHLEY: Yasha. MARK: I haven’t spoken to you. You’re very big. ASHLEY: Yeah, I mean, that’s just me. MARK: I like your black and white hair, that’s cool. ASHLEY: Thanks. MARISHA: You’re very excitable. MATT: (like Jester) “This is Kiri.” MARK: Cali. ASHLEY: So can you shoot out fire out your nose, and all that? MARK: Well, kind of. LAURA: Just the one, one nostril? MARK: I could try, yeah. It’s mainly if I breathe, it’s more acid. But I can control some fire as well. MARISHA: Do you have one little wing back there, too? MARK: No wings, just the tail and the claw. MARISHA: That would have been cool, though. MARK: The claw’s kind of sharp, I learned to fight with it a little bit. ASHLEY: Can I see it? MARK: Yeah, I’m just– Is there anybody else around in the tavern? MATT: There’s at this point, two other patrons, but they’re not really paying attention. MARK: I’ll put my back to them, and then I’ll move up to Yasha. She takes her cloak off and brings out this scaled– MATT: “Jesus Christ! That’s your arm?” MARK: Is that the–? MATT: Yeah, that’s Febron. MARK: Yeah it is. MATT: “Don’t get me wrong, I still think it’s pretty foxy.” TALIESIN: That’s somehow even creepier. LAURA: You know what, I appreciate that you’re so accepting of everything, Febron. MARK: It is quite nice. MATT: “Been around as long as I have, you live a life of beggars can’t be choosers.” TALIESIN: And right back in the pit. Anyway. MARK: But yeah, I’m happy to help, and work, and do what you need me to do. I just really need to get this item. I need to make sure it– TRAVIS: I understand. Unfortunately, my daughter is very particular about shiny and expensive things, so if this bowl has any worth, I’m afraid we might need to be compensated for our troubles. Did you happen to bring any coin with you? MARK: Only a little. I could maybe trade you something for it, but I’d like to keep it on me for now, if you don’t mind. It’s a small trinket. It’s got a little bit of magic, but it’s just that– you can see on her human arm, it’s a silver bracelet with a charm token hanging off it with a green emerald. SAM: I love trinkets. MARK: It’s an arcane focus, I’m told, but it has a little magic to it. LAURA: Trinkets are pretty great. SAM: They are. They always have been. TRAVIS: We normally have a no stranger policy, but we’ll keep a close eye on you. If you get up to any tricksy business– MARK: I promise, no tricksy business from me. TRAVIS: I hear you talking still. Yeah, Yasha and Molly, they’ll remove your head for you. You understand? TALIESIN: Very gently and politely, but yeah. ASHLEY: You know what? I really like your scales. I would probably fashion a cool cover for my arm. LAURA: Yasha! ASHLEY: I’m not going to do it, I’m just saying it’s really cool. Full transparency. MARK: I’ll be good. I promise. MARISHA: We’re not responsible for any injury or death that you may sustain while traveling with us. Even if it is from a member of The Mighty Nein. TRAVIS: Should we have her sign something? I mean, should we have a release form? LAURA: I’ll write up a release form really fast. SAM: Oh! Illustrated? LAURA: Yes! SAM: Illustrate all the things that could happen. LAURA: Arms being chopped off. An axe to the face. I will illustrate being burned by fire. SAM: Castration. LAURA: Pulled apart by gators. Probably something creepy and howling eating you as well. LIAM: This is probably stating the obvious, but if you have not picked up on it yourself, we are kind of a pack of assholes. LAURA: I’m going to use the colored ink from my mom to make it really gory. MARK: You’re not trying to burn me. You’re not threatening to kill me because I’m cursed. Yeah, you all seem lovely, really. You’re much better than most people I have to deal with, to be honest. LAURA: Here you go. You can sign this. MARK: Okay! Sorry. (laughter) LAURA: All right, we have a deal. TRAVIS: Good, you’re in. LAURA: Welcome to The Mighty Nein! MATT: (like Jester) “Welcome to The Mighty Nein!” MARK: This bird is adorable! MARISHA: Oh shit there’s not– no, we’re not ironic any more! TRAVIS: Well, we’ll see how we are at the end of the day. Bet that’ll fix itself. MARISHA: Oh, that’s true. LIAM: Yeah, we are. Because when we write the name down, it’s actually the Zemnian word for no. So even if there’s nine people, then– TRAVIS: You’re overthinking it Caleb. MARISHA: It’s a double entendre. LAURA and TALIESIN: Let’s go! ASHLEY: Wait, we haven’t eaten– oh yes, we have. Sorry. LAURA: Lots of pocket bacon. TALIESIN: We ordered coffee? We’re still waiting on coffee? Is there going to be a desert? Was there a desert menu? Can I get a container? Eggs never keep, anyway. MATT: You gather your things, finish off the remainder of your lackluster breakfast. At this point now, the morning air is chilled, though there is still humidity that permeates the swamp vicinity. You hear the bugs beginning to grow louder with the distant cicada/cricket sounds in the distance echoing through the swamp. There is a low fog that is fairly prominent this early in the morning. You can see about 15 or 20 feet beyond the barrier of the outer swamp before the moisture begins to pick up. You see just the shaded trunks of trees beyond that for another 60 or so feet before it becomes completely obscured by fog. LAURA: Whoa, it’s creepy! TALIESIN: Does it always do that? MATT: “This time of year it does. It’s just getting close to winter.” MARISHA: Do we have basically zero visibility? MATT: Not zero visibility. You have traveling about 30 feet of general visibility, and then it begins to get a little bit beyond that. At this point Febron chimes in. “Don’t worry, it burns off “a bit as the day goes on.” TRAVIS: Febron, any suggestions whether to move through the muck fine land or through the trees? MATT: “I mean, we’re going to go through all of it, really, but we’re going to head for the "outside of the Ounterloch.” TRAVIS: The where? MATT: “The Ounterloch.” MARISHA: Ounterloch. LIAM: Under the lake? MATT: “We’re heading towards the lake. We’re going to try and make our way around the outskirts of "it, but we’re going to have to coast through the swamp to get there. That way we’re not trudging "through the main central area too much.” SAM: Are we taking the cart? Or just going on foot? MATT: “Oh I wouldn’t recommend taking that with us, no.” TRAVIS: We’ll leave it, it’ll be fine, daughter. SAM: Sure, Papa. May I have my allowance now? TRAVIS: No. You’ve been naughty. No. ASHLEY: Nott-y. MARK: He’s a very stern dad. SAM: He is, but fair. MATT: As you guys are plotting a means out there, Kiri has the dagger out and is practicing little swings excitedly. LAURA: Yeah! Kill all of it. Kill the fog, Kiri. MATT: Then she goes charging towards the fog. TRAVIS: And gets eaten. MARISHA: Aww. Damn it! MATT: It’s The Mist. TRAVIS: Jester’s regret. LAURA: I have to live with this for the rest of my life. MATT: Kiri has run past the barrier of The Puddles on the north side of the city and is now swinging wildly into the fog. LAURA: Oh shit! Kiri, come back, Kiri. MATT, MARISHA, and ASHLEY: (singing) Kiri come back! MATT: Runs back, feet leaving a trail behind as she’s stepping through two to three inches of swamp water across this district. (chirping) LAURA: You have to be careful. There’s lots of creatures around that could hurt you, you know. MATT: “There’s lots of creatures around that could hurt you.” LIAM: You always want to stick together. You never want to split the party. ASHLEY: Yeah, stay close. Stay close to us. MATT: She gets right behind Yasha and sticks right to her back with the dagger out on the opposite side going– LAURA: We should really give her like a sheath or something to put that knife away, Fjord. TRAVIS: I think you tell kids to run with scissors, she’ll be fine. Can we check to make sure nobody’s following us as we’re heading out? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Plus four, 16. MATT: You take a moment to scout the vicinity. At this point in the morning, it’s maybe about nine o'clock or so judging by where you can see the source of sunlight in the somewhat clouded sky. Glancing around the city, not a lot of folks are moving. It seems like the nature of the swamp town is a little bit of a slower pace of living by the nature of the location. The few folks that are wandering around the streets are slowly getting to their daily chores and business. No one seems to be particularly interested. A few folks look over because you are a gathered motley crew on the edge of town, but there’s no one who seems to be very focused in what’s going on. MARISHA: We’re the best-looking people in this town, and that’s saying something. LIAM: This group is very inclined– we’re very skilled in arcane things. What is your specialty? MARK: Oh, well. You know how some people learn magic from books and some people get magic from gods and stuff, right? LIAM: Gods and stuff, ja, okay. MARK: My magic comes from just me? The draconic blood, I’m told, has magical essences to it. LIAM: Yes. Cool. What can you do with it? MARK: Well, I don’t know if I should– It’s a lot of fire and acid, mainly. That seems to be related to the type of dragon I’m from. LIAM: Ja, effective. MARK: I can conjure fire. I can make a lot of fire. Varying of degrees of fire, really, and acid. LIAM: Do you have maybe one B-side besides the fire? MARK: Besides fire and acid, a little bit of poi– I can drain life force and invigorate myself a little bit. LIAM: Okay. MARISHA: Say “fire” one more time. MARK: Fire. MARISHA: Thank you. MATT: “Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.” (chirping) MARK: What kind of magic do you specialize in, Mr. Caleb? MATT: “Wrapped around his weenie.” TRAVIS: Good pull! MARK: You have magic with that? Is that like an implement or something? TRAVIS: Deep pull already! That was like 40 minutes ago! MARK: You said that crows are really smart, so I’m guessing she knows– what? LIAM: There’s so much quicksand in this swamp. I’m feeling trapped. I feel like we have a little bit of overlap, you know. I’m able to– LAURA: He has lots of fire. MARK: Really? You don’t have any dragon blood in you, do you? LIAM: Nein. MARK: Oh, that’s good. TALIESIN and SAM: Nine dragons. MARK: You meant the Zemnian “nein.” Not the number. LIAM: Step off, Tiamat. TALIESIN: Well done. That’s a good joke. MATT: “So we good to go? Ready to move? The longer we take the more risk we run of getting there "about nighttime, and I would feel a bit nervous about that to be honest.” TRAVIS: No please, lead on. We’re quite anxious to get there. MATT: “Okay, so, who’s leading?” LAURA and MARISHA: You are. MATT: “I’m pointing the direction, no, but I’m not standing at the front. MARISHA: For 100 gold, I think you will. MATT: "100 gold, I’m pointing the direction, but look at me, I’m not going to defend you well.” ASHLEY: Yeah, but we’ll be right behind you. MATT: “Yeah, but if I die first, you’re going to be lost in this swamp!” SAM: He’s only got one eye, he can’t possibly see what’s going on. TRAVIS: Fine, I’ll take the lead, who wants to join me? MARISHA: I’ll join you. LAURA: I will. TRAVIS: Thank you both, don’t fight. MARISHA: If you want to like– LAURA: It’s fine, Beau. MARISHA: Look, I’m trying to wingman you here right now. TRAVIS: What are you talking about? ASHLEY: I’ll take the back. TALIESIN: I’ll also go in the back. MARK: Yeah, I can shoot things at range or close up if need be. LIAM: If need be, but you know. Wait for the need to be. MARK: Yeah. MATT: Nott, where are you? SAM: I’m going to use my ring of water walking, and I’m going to be the same level as Beau except 30 feet to the right. Just as a flanking– LAURA: I’m going to carry Kiri on my shoulders. MATT: Kiri on your shoulders? LAURA: Yeah, so that she doesn’t have to walk through the muck. MATT: There’s Kiri. She’s up there with the two feathered arms flopped over and (chirping) looking around. ASHLEY: Holding onto your head like a kid. TALIESIN: Just feathers in your face. LIAM: I like where we are positioned, what do you think? MARK: I’ll go wherever you need me to. Mr. Fjord said that I’m to do whatever so I’ll go wherever. LAURA: How does she know there’s a J in your name really? TRAVIS: I honestly don’t have an answer for that. MARK: I was pretty sure you said “Fjord,” but okay. SAM: We’re all pretty sure about that. TRAVIS: You said it right, it’s “Ford.” MARK: Thanks, “Mr. Ford.” SAM: It’s “Mee-ster Ford.” MARK: “Mee-ster Ford.” All right, sure. MATT: (like Cali) “Mee-ster Ford.” TRAVIS: Oh, Jesus, Kiri. All right, let’s go. MATT: At this point Febron’s like, “All right so looking out this direction, this time of day– "that way! Lead on, big boy.” TRAVIS: All right. You’re actually going to be scouting, right? MARISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. MATT: As you guys begin to step past the outskirts of The Puddles, your feet begin to sink thicker and thicker into the swamp floor as you further and further step away from this little bastion of civilization. With each progressive footstep you can see the waves ripple past and then hit patches of thick elevated vegetation that’s growing and rotting in small clusters simultaneously. The tree trunks that are faded shadows begin to come into view and you begin to see these twisted, gnarled trees covered in vines that dangle down from these high boughs that barely cluster out sections of sunlight, and you pass out underneath those areas where bits of cloud begin to break through. LIAM: It was a joke. MATT: Ah, gotcha LIAM: I said, “Hi, Beaus.” MATT: Ah, boughs. LIAM: I know. But I said “Hi, Beaus.” TRAVIS: Three out of five. MATT: Yeah, it’s fine. In pushing this forward and guiding the path, I’m going to have Febron and whoever is keeping watch on the exterior to both make survival checks. MARISHA: What do you mean on the exterior? SAM: I’m keeping watch on the right. MARISHA: I’m keeping watch up front. ASHLEY: I’m looking on the back. LIAM: The gators come from the left. MATT: Right. Well this isn’t a perception check, this is to make their way through the swamp to keep track of what’s ahead, so I’m having Febron and one of you take point on that. TRAVIS: Beau. MARISHA: What kind of a check is this? LIAM: Survival. MATT: This is a survival check. MARISHA: Okay. Oh, I thought it was actually higher when I first looked at it. 17. MATT: Actually, you both rolled pretty high. Over the next two hours or so, you guys manage to keep for the most part above any of the deeper recesses of marsh water. Leaping from cluster of tree base and sections of ground that are mostly above the water line, it manages to go through without much of an issue. The fog does slowly begin to burn off as the hours progress, but it’s still present. You gather probably about the time you arrived at the end of day yesterday to the exterior of the Labenda Swamp, there was just a faint bit of fog at the ground. It will be a number of hours before you even reach that point, but it is progressing towards a more visible space. These two hours you guys continue forward, being mindful and watching around. Those who are keeping watch, I need both of you to make perception checks or one of you make it with advantage, your choice. MARISHA: It’s me and who? MATT: Whoever else is keeping a watch. You want to make it, Nott? SAM: Yeah. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: Do you want to make it with advantage or separate? SAM: Nah. One. MARISHA: It’s not great for me either. Six. LAURA: Oh, jeez Louise. SAM: Clear on the right! MARISHA: Clear on the front! TRAVIS: Right, front– MARISHA: (shouting) Clear on the left? Man, which way am I looking? SAM: I don’t know. TRAVIS: It’s really reassuring when there’s a question mark on the end of your statement. LIAM: This is generally how it goes. MATT: Febron at this point’s still looking. He says, “Wait, hold on a second.” He starts doing a little circle in the area, checking out some of the recent trees, looking at the sun in the sky and he’s like, “Yeah. I feel like we’re going the right way.” TALIESIN: Wait, just to be clear: Your job– your only job was to walk to a building and back for god knows how many years and you think we’re going the right way? MATT: “Yeah, we don’t usually leave this early in the morning.” TRAVIS: Are you still drunk? MATT: (noncommittal grunt) TALIESIN: Do you need to be drunk? MATT: “Yeah.” LIAM and ASHLEY: Nott. SAM: What? LIAM: Not a problem. Bren, would you help our friend out? SAM: Oh. Yes, it’s me, Bren. Yeah, I’ll be right over. MARK: She’s oblivious, completely lost. She’s looking around like– SAM: Febron, do you have any cups? I don’t want you to– MATT: He pulls out a half-filled wineskin, opens it up, pours the water out. SAM: Have some booze. I’ll fill it to the brim. MATT: He looks curiously at the flask and the amount of liquid you poured in there. SAM: Cheers. MATT: “Cheers indeed. Tiny girl.” He watches as you drink the alcohol and is confused. Gets a closer look at you at this point and he goes– TALIESIN: Now is not the time to start making judgments, sir. MATT: “Right.” TALIESIN: Does that clear your memory? MATT: “Aye. It’s this way.” Make another survival check. MARK: Mr. Fjord, you’re very liberal with your parenting. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Sunny. LAURA: It’s just milk. MARK: Oh. That makes sense. MARISHA: Man, that’s really frustrating. Seven. TALIESIN: Did you both roll? MARISHA: Huh? MATT: Well, it was Febron and Beau. MARISHA: Seven. Not good. I keep getting so close. TALIESIN: Do we not get advantage? MATT: Well, this one they’re doing it individually, because you have somebody outside of– Along the path as you guys are progressing for the next hour or so, Febron and Beau are keeping pace on this. Keeping watch, moving forward, you step through some of the soggier areas of the swamp and your foot gets stuck a bit and it’s starting to get a little more difficult to traverse. Febron’s like, “It’s just a few more hours and we’ll make our way to the outskirts of "the lake. It’ll be a lot easier then, trust me. It’ll be fine.” MARISHA: Sorry. MARK: Sounds great. MATT: At this point, Fjord, as you are stepping near the front you come around the corner and without notice there’s this strange sound. This (airy puff) and there’s a cloud of pollen-like spores in the air right where you are. I need you to make a wisdom saving throw, please. LAURA and ASHLEY: Oh no. SAM: He’s very wise, he’ll be fine. TRAVIS: Oh jeez. MARK: That’s always a good sign. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: You manage to pull back, coughing a bit, and your head goes dazed for a moment, but you manage to shrug it off. You guys look ahead and beyond the area where Fjord was pushing, around one of the trees you can see this large, 30-foot wide cloud of yellowish pollen that went (airy puff) and slowly settles into the swamp area. MARK: Blimey. TRAVIS: Can we see a source where it came from? A plant or a– MATT: There’s a whole mess of twisted vines and plant matter in the center of the space. Where it seemed to emit from, the center, though, you do see one large fern-type plant that’s left open and three or four large leaves that are spread outward. TRAVIS: I think that doesn’t look very hospitable. MARISHA: Febron. LAURA: We should avoid those, huh? MARISHA: Yeah. Is this a thing that happens, I’m assuming? MATT: “I haven’t actually seen this close to one of them. I usually avoid them. So let’s avoid it, eh?” MARK: Hello, Mr. Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah? MARK: I don’t know if this is– do you want me to burn it all away? TRAVIS: Cali, that is a very good idea. MARK: Like that area, right? Is that where it came from? TRAVIS: I mean, hoping the pollen’s not flammable, but sure try it. MARK: Is it flammable, Mr. Creepy Pervert? MATT: “First off, I resent that.” MARK: Do you? MATT: “No.” TALIESIN: I think the “Mr.” was pretty respectable, all things considered. MATT: “I’ll take that. I mean, I figure it’s probably in the way, burn it if you can. I don’t "trust it.” MARK: How wide radius is this area? MATT: This vicinity is about 30 feet around this particular plant in the center that’s lying open, face to the sky. MARK: 20-foot radius would– MATT: It would encompass the plant, definitely. MARK: Fireball. The dragon claw comes out, and this green flame magic coalesces. She flicks out this green orb that fires down, and when it hits it detonates. LAURA: Wow! MATT: It emits this large blast of orangish-red fire that burns in the area. Go ahead and roll damage. MARK: Can I have a d6 from somebody? I need six more. MARISHA: There’s three. TALIESIN: Feel free to dive through the bag for anything you need. LAURA: Dang it, I’m trying to get to my bag to help you, but– MATT: She’s filled with a baby. LIAM: Baby’s in the way. Get used to it. LAURA: I can’t bend. Whoa. MARK: I’m taking that, it’s a six. LAURA: Yes. SAM: He’s a high roller. MATT and MARISHA: Ooh. MARK: That’s very good. That’s going to be 28 points. MATT: 28 points of fire damage. This explosion immediately evaporates the fog in the area, and a large part of the ground now is dried off. You see this mist or steam (hiss) out of where the detonation happened. The plant in the center, which is now more visible, you can see snap shut. This giant three, four part maw closes in the space with these plant-like teeth. It’s still there, writhing in pain from the explosion. It laxes open a bit and begins to shift in your direction. It looks hurt, but still alive. TRAVIS: Caleb. MARISHA: It moves. LAURA: Sacred Flame. LIAM: Fire Bolt. MATT: All right, Fire Bolt, Sacred Flame, that’s cocked. That’s a 15. LAURA: Dex save. MATT: 15, yeah, so no Sacred Flame but– LIAM: 17 for Fire Bolt. MATT: 17 hits, roll damage. LIAM: Okay. That is not that much, actually. LAURA: That was a dex check, yes? MATT: Yes. Or no– yeah. For Sacred Flame, yeah. LIAM: That is a 12. MATT: 12? LIAM: Yes. MATT: 12 points of damage. As you slam it with the Fire Bolt, it (shrieks) and keeps moving forward, but it’s hurt. LAURA: Toll the Dead! MATT: Rolled another 15. LAURA: Damn it. LIAM: If you give me six second increments, I’m just going to go (releasing spells). MARK: When it’s within 60 feet, I can Acid Splash it as well. TALIESIN: Just for fun, (Infernal) stay down. SAM: Jesus. MATT: 16. Sorry. TALIESIN: Some days you can’t get rid of a bomb. TRAVIS: I’ll give it a whirl. I’ll reach up near my eye, and you see this little arc of energy pop out from my eye towards my hand. I’ll throw it forward and cast Witch Bolt. SAM: Witch Bolt. LAURA and ASHLEY: Ooh. LIAM: Which bolt do you cast? MATT: You guys are all preparing your various cantrips and spells against it. It begins lurching forward. You can see the charred edges of this large vegetable plant. Then Fjord steps forward sending this arc of darker, gray-green energy that strikes into it. Roll damage– roll to hit first. TRAVIS: Oh, thank you, yeah. Ten plus six, 16. MATT: 16 hits. TRAVIS: Okay, great. This is overkill, it’s 3d12. SAM: Oh shit. TRAVIS: That’s nine– MARISHA: Wow! LIAM: Good rolls! TRAVIS: 27 points of damage. MATT: As it strikes this large, trap-like plant, it hits the center of it. It bubbles up for a second, the green and red matter of the interior swells and then pops. Like a horrible flesh-filled water balloon spatters across various areas. You guys have to take a step back and it glides against your knees and thighs a bit. MARK: Can I use Shape Water to keep it out of my way? My cantrip just (disgusted groan). MATT: It just manages to avoid you. But it lies now, decimated and sinking slowly into the swamp water. MARK: Oh, sorry. I thought I’d kill it the first time. I’m sorry you had to do that. TRAVIS: No, it was a really encouraging display. I was not expecting it to be so durable. MARK: Yeah, me neither. I thought it was just a plant. LAURA: We should really avoid those in the future, huh? LIAM: Well that’s one in an entire swamp of vegetation. So we should be good now. SAM: How’s it going over there, guys? MARK: No, there’s going to be loads of plants, Mr. Caleb. TALIESIN: Anything on the right? LIAM: That is correct. SAM: Nope, all clear! MARISHA: Anything on the left? TALIESIN: Right. MARISHA: No, I’m asking for anything on the left. MATT: Make a perception check. MARISHA: Thank you. TALIESIN: Is there somebody on the left? TRAVIS: Not anymore with these rolls. MARISHA: Nine. MATT: Who else wants to make a perception check? LAURA: I would. MARISHA: I roll obnoxiously bad. SAM: Yeah. TALIESIN: Whoa. LAURA: Woo-hoo, 13! MATT: 13? Okay. A brief breeze blows through the swamp as you guys move on from this positioning. You hear a very faint hiss through the distant branches of the trees, singing in unison, as bits of leaves and vines clatter against themselves from the shift. But you manage to catch a sound upon the wind that is unfamiliar to the rest of the natural breeze. It’s like a chime. Like a wooden chime (dull thunks). LAURA: (whispering) I hear something. MARK: (whispering) What do you hear? LAURA: I hear a chime. TALIESIN: (gong) LAURA: No, like little wind chimes. Like we had at home. MARK: Oh, that sounds nice. LAURA: Yeah. MARK: It can’t be anything bad. LAURA: We used to hang them in our balconies. MATT: You can listen up and can hear it for a moment too as the breeze blows through a second time. Kiri makes the same sound (dull thunks). LAURA: It sounded like that! TALIESIN: Well done. MARISHA: Oh yeah. The little bamboo ones. Those are great. MATT: Looks like it’s a little bit northward of where you’re headed. A little north– LAURA: Febron, is that where the thing is, that we’re going? MATT: “I mean, it could be.” LIAM: North is that way. MATT: “It’s loosely on the way. If you trust it. We could avoid it, though.” LAURA: Oh, so it’s not the safe house, it’s another building, for sure? MATT: “I don’t know what the hell that is. I haven’t heard that out here before.” LAURA: We should find out what it is. TRAVIS: I actually tend to agree. I don’t want to leave things undiscovered. MATT: “Are you sure about that?” MARISHA: What did we pay you for? MATT: “I’m helping you.” TRAVIS: Are you? MARISHA: It’s questionable. It’s honestly debatable. MARK: He seems to be doing his best. MATT: “Thank you.” MARK: Don’t thank me, you’re weird. LIAM: Frumpkin. I’m going to sit on a relatively dry spot if I can find one. I’m going to go blind and deaf and send Frumpkin in the direction, with Jester’s help, towards the sound that she heard. MARK: I make it drier for Caleb, using Shape Water, dry out some of the area. MATT: Sure. You cause some of the swamp mass to pull back a bit. LAURA: That’s cool. TRAVIS: Surf pro. MATT: Frumpkin takes a little bit, because this terrain is not very conducive to prowling cats of Frumpkin’s size. But Frumpkin heads on for a bit, coming across the source of this sound. You see about 100 or so feet ahead in the direction where you heard the sound, hanging from one of the branches, there is indeed a cluster of carved chimes that are dangling from a piece of twine there. They’re banging into each other every now and then when the breeze slowly comes through. LAURA: Just in a tree. MATT: On a branch, yeah. LAURA: Oh, that’s creepy. LIAM: I will give the group a basic narration as I see these things. MATT: You can give a perception check for Frumpkin. LIAM: My basic perception check is not too bad. It is a 16. MATT: 16, okay. From Frumpkin’s view underneath, you can get a close look at it, and the material of the chimes isn’t wood. It appears to be yellowed, old, dried, hollowed bone. The twine itself is not twine. It appears to have been tanned or dried sinew. TRAVIS: (disgusted) Oh, yeah. LIAM: What was that word? MATT: Sinew. TRAVIS: Super inviting. Just all the tendons. LAURA: Our wind chimes were made of wood. LIAM: How much of it are Frumpkin and I looking at? It’s one little ditty or are we talking True Detective here? MATT: Currently it’s just the one chime. LAURA: Does Frumpkin see anything around, like any living things? LIAM: I don’t hear shit. MARISHA: True. TALIESIN: Does this sound like some sort of ward against the undead? MATT: It doesn’t catch your mind as anything that is a defensive mechanism to undead that you would recognize. LIAM: It’s hanging from a tree? MATT: It is, about seven feet above Frumpkin. LIAM: I am going to send Frumpkin up the tree. MATT: Okay. LIAM: I am going to send Frumpkin toward the branch. MATT: Frumpkin manages to climb the tree using the outside of the somewhat twisted bark, getting to the top. From that viewing point, as Frumpkin gets out there you can– (laughs) LAURA: Do you want to hold my hand? I try to hold Caleb’s hand? TRAVIS: (cat growling) SAM: It’s clammy. MATT: You do see from the top of the branch, beyond the edge of the fog, there looks to be a thick tree that has broken and fallen over about ten feet from the base. The heavy roots rise up into this trunk that still stands about nine or ten feet from the base of the swamp floor. It appears like there is a hollow carved into it, circular, and a curtain that is currently pressed, bolted, or nailed into it that is partially blocking an opening into the tree. LIAM: Like sealed or nailed in so it’s hanging down? MATT: It’s hanging down and every now and then a faint breeze comes through and you see it shift ever so slightly. But it’s a heavy material. LIAM: Okay, what I would like to attempt to do is send Frumpkin up to and stick his head inside, and as soon as I get a little peeky-poo, snap my fingers and bamf him out into the Fey. MATT: Okay. As Frumpkin– make a stealth check. ASHLEY: Come on Caleb. MARISHA: Come on Frumpy. LAURA: Lumpy Frumpy. LIAM: A big 13. MATT: Okay. Good to know. LAURA: It’s really good. MATT: It is better than 12. MARISHA: A baker’s dozen. LIAM: Remember when I used to get a 45. MATT: Frumpkin stalks up through, avoiding the sleight depressed elements of the floor that fill with the thicker bog water. Coming upon the outskirts you can see the curtain that hangs is not cloth. It appears to be a scaled leather-like material. Actually pretty similar to what you had carved from the crocodile the day before. But long weathered and it’s dry towards the top, but the base of it seems to have been progressively moistened by the swamp around it. As such, it’s slightly decomposing, and it has a bit of moss and algae that’s grown on it, giving it a lighter green at the tip. Looking inside, there is a layer of bones that are all broken, and chipped to the point where it’s given a textured base to the floor. From this view, you’re not able to make out what the bone source is or what they’re from. But there is a gentle layer of bones of varying degrees of age to them. Within there you also see– there is natural rot on the inside of this trunk, that’s let it easily be carved away. There appears to be a matted pile of something in the corner. Other than that, in the brief instant that Frumpkin’s paying attention, it appears to be empty. LAURA: That pile was definitely something sleeping. MATT: Frumpkin returns to his realm. LIAM: Oh yeah, like I was saying to you, there is a tree out there and there is something sleeping in it. TRAVIS: Did you hear anything, snoring? LIAM: No, but there are a lot of bones there. They looked like– LAURA: What kind of bones? LIAM: They are not chicken bones. LAURA: Like gator bones, maybe though? LIAM: Well, they were probably smaller than that, yeah? MATT: You didn’t get a good, long look at them. You literally got in quickly and went (poof). TRAVIS: Jester, bones aren’t normally a very good sign. MARK: That doesn’t seem very good. LIAM: There was something in the corner. Something that was not bones, but it wasn’t moving. LAURA: I bet it was a friendly person. LIAM: It definitely wasn’t the thing we’re looking for. TRAVIS: You didn’t happen to see a bowl, did you? LIAM: I did not see a bowl. I made a perception check. MATT: In the brief instant you looked in there, you got a few details in the interior before pulling way. LIAM: Yes, not bowls, just bones. LAURA: I’ll tell you what, let’s go to the safe house and then we’ll come back if we are not completely almost dead, and see what we see there. LIAM: Save it for a rainy day. TRAVIS: Very wise. LAURA: Especially if there is no bowl in the safe house. Then we know some other place to look for it. LIAM: This one’s a gimme, a bonus, only if we feel up to it. MARK: You’re all so brave. TRAVIS: Do you think we’ll be able to find our way back here? Should we mark a tree or something like that? LAURA: Let’s mark a tree. TALIESIN: I’ve got that. MARISHA: Cause Fabron doesn’t seem to know which way his ass is, so. MATT: “That’s not true at all.” TRAVIS: Which way’s your ass? MATT: “It’s right here.” LIAM: North is– MATT: “It’s that way.” LIAM: North is– no it is that way. MATT: “That’s what I said.” LIAM: You’re pointing over there, I’m pointing over here. North is that way. MATT: “Yeah.” TALIESIN: I’m going to pull out my sword, and I’m going to carve into the side of the tree a big sign that says “Here Lies Salty Pete” with an arrow down, straight below. MARK: Who’s Salty Pete? TALIESIN: I don’t know, but it sounds like something awful happened to him, doesn’t it? MARK: Aw, that’s really sad. TALIESIN: Do you have a way of magically marking this as well so we can have a bit of a compass? LIAM: A compass? TALIESIN: Yeah like a point– can you do a thing where you can put a pin in this tree? MARK: Can you do that, Mr. Caleb? LIAM: Well, a couple things, one, this is a compass. TALIESIN: That’s true! Never mind. LAURA: Oh, we’ll find our way back. LIAM: That’s not an issue. But if you want to know if something’s happening here with Salty Pete, we can also do that if you give me ten minutes. But it doesn’t seem like that’s what you’re– TALIESIN: No, that’s not fair. As long as we can make our way back here again one way or the other, and I suppose that’s true. LIAM: I do not know where the safe house is, but anywhere we have been we can get to again. TRAVIS: Fair enough. LAURA: (singing) Let’s go to the safe house then. MATT: You continue moving on? TRAVIS: Lead on. MATT: Febron goes, “All right. That way,” and he points in the direction and ushers you forward. TRAVIS: You did a good job the first time, let’s take it up again. MARISHA: All right. MATT: What pace are you moving at? Normal pace, slow pace, fast pace? SAM: We always move at a medium pace. MATT: Okay, medium pace it is. LAURA: Wait, hold on, let me look at what I have. I could cast Pass Without a Trace on anyone within 30 feet of me. MATT: You could. You have to move at a slow pace to move stealthily, though. TRAVIS: I think our speed is halved in the conditions, right? MATT: For the most of it, yeah. LAURA: Oh, so it would be super slow. TRAVIS: Doing the slo-mo game. LAURA: Well, maybe not then. Maybe when we go back to the creepy tree, we can do that. MATT: As you continue on, Febron and– Beau, are you the other one with Febron doing the survival checks? MARISHA: I think so. MATT: Make one more. MARISHA: Don’t fuck me, Gil. Natural 20! Gil! MATT: As you guys begin to watch the treeline slowly thin, Febron’s like, “Oh, it’s a good sign. "We’re getting very close to getting out of this fucking swamp and getting next to the Ounterloch "that’ll lead us there. No issue, no more of this.” Right as he’s saying that, you watch him about to step into another one of those open plants that begins to quake, and you watch as it’s about to release this burst of pollen, Beau. MARISHA: I go: Oh, you’re about to– watch it! MATT: You don’t stop him, you just point it out. It goes (puffing). SAM: Nice, he’s dead. MATT: He goes, “What? (coughing)” and starts walking straight towards it. MARISHA: Oh, I grab him. Can I reach out and grab him? Trying to cover my mouth. MATT: Make an athletics check for you to try and grapple him. MARISHA: Either that or we lose our shithole guide. TRAVIS: Which is really not losing much at this point. MARISHA: No. Okay, we lose our 100 gold investment. Athletics, right? MATT: Acrobatics. Sorry, athletics for you to grapple him. MARISHA: Okay. Ooh! Nope, it’s worse than I thought. It’s real bad. It’s an eight. MATT: You reach and grab him, but he shrugs off your arm and starts walking. MARK: As he’s about to step, can I cast Levitate on him and lift him up into the air? He doesn’t step on it, with the claw, the green magic comes out and (whoosh) up into the air. MATT: He continues to walk towards it, and then glides up in the air and is floating. He’s reaching towards it, and the plant (slurping) and is trying to reach for him. MARISHA: I take my staff and bat him away like a helium balloon. Just start batting him back over away from it. MATT: He’s now floating and slowly rotating in the air, like (grunting). MARK: I’ll be raising him up and down, shaking him in the air, like, “Come on, shake out of it, come on!” TRAVIS: Maybe we try to outmaneuver this one now. TALIESIN: Yeah, I think we’ve already had our fun with the one. LAURA: I open my journal and start drawing him as a balloon. SAM: Hold on. We’re not done. TALIESIN: No, there’s a lot happening over there. MATT: It takes you the better part of a minute to finally shake him out of it, before he goes, “Oh, "is it– what? Shit! (yelling) Shit, what’s going on?!” LAURA: (shushing) MATT: The plant’s still below him, going like (slurping). MARK: Ms. Beau, could you nudge him off to the side? I’m getting tired of this. MATT: You poke him and he begins to glide over– MARK: Then I’ll lower him down– MATT: The plant is now turning towards him, slowly shifting in his direction, and he’s like “Backing "away, there’s a fucking–” MARISHA: Can I now grab him by the collar and try and drag him away? MATT: Yeah, you move around the side and you pull him away. MARISHA: Come on. MATT: You guys begin to pick up your pace. This plant is not very fast-moving, and you, even moving at your slower pace, it can’t keep up with you and it eventually gives up and disappears into the fog behind you. TALIESIN: The loneliest plant. MATT: I love that you roll a 20 to see it before him and and went, “Sure.” MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: I love it, it’s great. MARISHA: Watch your step, man! Ah. MATT: Yeah. All righty. LIAM: Febron. You’ve been through this swamp once or many times? MATT: “I’ve been through it a few times, but usually it’s with a group of other smugglers, and "they take care of me and protect me, like you are. Thank you.” LIAM: It’s a bit late in the game, but are you being completely forthright with us? Is he? MARK: You’re welcome. MATT: Make an insight check. LIAM: That is a natural one. MATT: It’s hard to read. LIAM: Can I make a suggestion, Febron? And I cast Suggestion on Febron. MATT: Okay. LIAM: I feel you should be completely honest with us from this point on, because you know, honesty, it’s the easiest thing to remember. MATT: “You know, I appreciate that. I don’t appreciate you casting spells to fuck with all my "mind and shit. But I’ve been honest! I’m going to make some honest coin, and I’m doing my fucking "best, all right? Now come on, it’s this way.” LIAM: It’s that way. MATT: “(stuttering) Not north, where we’re going!” At this point, you guys can see the very edge of the water is now starting to show through the fog and you can see where bits of the lake are hitting the shoreline, and you have reached the Ounterloch in the middle of the Labenda Swamp. LAURA: Hey, there’s a lake! TALIESIN: With that, life delivers a pleasant surprise. LAURA: Febron. MATT: “Yeah?” LAURA: Are there monsters in this lake? MATT: “I don’t know, I don’t go into it. I recommend not getting too close, just in case. We "usually stay right on the coastal side of it, you know?” LAURA: Okay. MATT: “Perfect.” LAURA: (splashing) MATT: “No, what’re you doing?! No, shit!” LAURA: Then I go back out. I just wanted to see. MATT: The whole time you’re doing that, Kiri’s like (chirping). Who’s keeping watch on this? SAM: Keeping watch? MATT: Yes. SAM: What do you mean? MATT: I need you and probably Beau, since you were with Febron before, make a perception check, please. TRAVIS: Ooh, 17 plus one. 18. MARISHA: Ten. MATT: Okay. As you guys are trudging along on the bank of this lake, heading northward, Fjord, out of the corner of your eye you see a shadow shift in the trees to the left of you. You glance back and you see something disappear behind a tree, about 40, 50 feet off. TRAVIS: Hold. I saw movement. Off to our side, 40 to 50 feet into the trees. SAM: Which side? MATT: To the left side. SAM: There’s nothing over here on my side. MARK: Should we pretend like we haven’t seen it, we should just carry on as normal? MARISHA: No, that’s not– just no one move. MARK: Okay. LAURA: We just freeze? TRAVIS: Fan out a little bit. LIAM: If we don’t move, that’s also a little weird. TRAVIS: Yeah, fan out. Who wants to move towards it with me? ASHLEY: I will move towards it with you. MARK: I’ll come. ASHLEY: I’ll take out my blade. MARK: I’ll come with you. LIAM: I walk in the opposite direction. TALIESIN: Fighters move forward, magic peoples hang back. LAURA: Maybe I shouldn’t move forward. MATT: So you guys are heading towards the shadow you saw? TRAVIS: Yasha, Molly, Cali, and Fjord. We’ll walk towards it. LAURA: I stay right where I am. TRAVIS: But fan out, not together. Maybe ten, 15 feet in between us. Like a fire line. LIAM: Let’s go, I say as I walk backwards. MATT: Fjord, Molly, and Yasha like that? MARK: I’m going as well. MATT: And Beau? MARK: And Cali, right? LIAM: That mini. TRAVIS: But fanned fire line. LIAM: Oh, the tail’s there! MARISHA: Look at you! ALL: Ooh! MARK: That was a real rush job that I had to order a day before I flew out. MARISHA: You’re smexy. LIAM: Just pull it over here for a second. MATT: You begin to turn and approach and you guys form your line moving forward. You watch as something lumbering moves. It’s still on the edge of the fog, and it shifts from the tree where it was to a tree further back and then ducks behind another tree. It’s not very stealthy, though it thinks it might be. TRAVIS: Is it moving fast– easily in this terrain? MATT: It seems to be moving fairly easily in the terrain. LAURA: What is it? LIAM: (as Gollum) What is it? MARK: (as Gollum) What did you say? MARISHA: All right, I’m going to stealthily do some monk (footsteps) up to it a bit. LAURA: Maybe it’s something nice! MARISHA: See if I can get a better look. MATT: Okay, make a stealth check. MARISHA: Oh my god, 14. LAURA: What’s happening? MATT: Okay. As you tiptoe through the edges, leaping from cluster of root to cluster of root, being as quiet as you can, you come around the first tree where this figure had vanished, look around to where it’s currently waiting and you see two trees that grew together and a large rock that’s wedged at the base of it. Crouched below, behind the rock, you see this bulbous humanoid creature, with a deep green-blue skin tone with little pustules and boils on it, at the edges of the shoulder and arm. You see long stringy black hair that goes past the front of the chest. The torso appears to be swollen, this belly protruding beyond it. You can see hanging around the neck other pieces of hollowed bone, very similar to that chime that you saw being described by Caleb. MARISHA: Is it a troll? MATT: It appears to be trollish in nature. The pustules and part of its body, there’s this thick green liquid that’s oozing out in places. It’s sitting there clinging to the rock with its long fingers, clutching it, looking over in the direction of where you were, breathing heavy. MARISHA: Does he see The Mighty Nein? MATT: It seems to be looking in the direction where you were. MARISHA: But he doesn’t see me. MATT: He doesn’t see you at the moment, no. TRAVIS: (whispering) Do not see me! MARISHA: How far away am I from him? MATT: You’re about 35 feet from it. MARISHA: Could I theoretically throw something behind him? MATT: You could certainly try. MARISHA: Yeah, sure. I’m going to take out a handful of ball bearings and try and toss them. MATT: Make a sleight of hand check to do so without making a very visible toss. LAURA: Yeah, right? No sound at all. MARISHA: 24– 22. MATT: You take the handful and lob them quietly, as far as you can. You hear very faint impacts of them about 25, 30 feet off. The trollish creature goes (snarling) and pushes off the rock a bit, looking that direction. Looks over the rock, looks back in that direction. It’s now looking like he’s paranoid and keeping tabs on both sides. MARISHA: I’m going to stealth back. MATT: Make another stealth check. MARISHA: 19. MATT: You manage pull back to the rest of the group as you guys are holding your line, waiting for Beau to return. MARISHA: It’s a troll. Like a– TRAVIS: Toucan? With a belly? ASHLEY: He’s got a beak? MARISHA: No. He’s like a troll. LAURA: (loudly) What are you saying, Beau? TRAVIS: Shh, Jester! MARISHA: I think he knows we’re here. But he’s a slimy undead troll-like guy. MARK: That sounds really bad. Let’s not go near it. MARISHA: I also think he might be who lives in that hut. SAM: How do you know that? MARISHA: Because he looked bony. MARK: That’s a reasonable deduction. LAURA: (loudly) Maybe there’s lots of them around too. SAM: Shut up, Jester. TALIESIN: Theater whisper. MARISHA: I don’t think we want to deal with them, though. TRAVIS: We’ll keep moving around the edge of the lake. Who wants to keep an eye on his area as we’re moving? MARISHA: I think he’s stalking us. LAURA: I will. TRAVIS: Jester and Molly, you keep an eye as we keep moving forward. We’ll come back to where the casters are. SAM: Are you going to stay behind? TRAVIS: No, they’re going to stay with us in a tight group. But they’re going to keep their eyes as we move. MARK: It’s all right, little Bren, they’ll look after us. SAM: Who? Oh me, yes! Thank you. TRAVIS: Mind your slice of the pie, all right, you guys? You’re a fan of pie, so. LAURA: Got it. MATT: (like Fjord) “You’re a fan of pie.” (chirping) LAURA: I am a fan of pie, Kiri! MATT: Do you guys continue onward? TALIESIN: Yeah. SAM: Stealthy, though. LAURA: We are keeping an eye on the troll. MATT: You are out in the open, at the edge of where the lake is, beyond the treeline. Being stealthy here means being quiet, but you’re still very much out in the open. LIAM: So you’re saying there’s a chance. MATT: I’m saying if an entity knows you’re there, if you’re not trying to obscure your visual, you’re going to have a hard time avoiding it. SAM: Should we create a distraction for it first? TALIESIN: Let’s just pay attention, and if it starts getting close then we’ll deal with it. We’re just not going to let it escape. We’re just going to keep an eye out for it. MARISHA: It might be better if we move quicker through here as well, instead of stealthily. MARK: I’m sure if you pray to the Platinum Dragon, we’ll be all right. LIAM: (inaudible chanting) MATT: As you guys push on, Febron’s looking extremely nervous now that you’ve mentioned this creature. “Wait, are you saying you saw this troll thing? Over there?” TRAVIS: Heard of something like that around here? MATT: “Only heard rumors and we talk about various things that live out there, trolls is definitely "one of them.” MARISHA: How long have you lived here? MATT: “Through the ages, there have been all sorts of stories. There’s uglier trolls here. Swamp "trolls, mountain trolls, all types, and this one, it wouldn’t surprise me. I haven’t seen one, but I "stay perfectly quiet. Quieter than you usually do as a group. I’m just going to stay here,” and clings behind you, Fjord, like as a shield. TRAVIS: Yeah, I don’t know if that’s going to work for me. All right, let’s get moving. Try and ignore this. MATT: You guys move on, taking care to be quiet, but not out of sight. If you want to be stealthy in that regard, make a stealth check. TRAVIS: We’ll give him a chance whether he engages or not MARISHA: We wanted to move faster. MATT: So then no stealth? TRAVIS: No stealth. MATT: So you guys continue pushing forward at your regular pace. TRAVIS: Maybe a little faster than our regular, too. MARK: That was really brave, by the way, you sneaking off like that and finding it out. MARISHA: Thank you. You’re so complimentary. It makes me a little nauseous. MARK: I was raised and people were really nice to me, they used to tell me I was special and how important I was and it made me feel nice, so I try and do that for everyone else. MARISHA: Man, that’s so sweet. Ugh. Where are you from? MARK: Thank you! Technically I was born in Port Damali, but I didn’t spend a lot of time there. I lived on the streets on my own and then I was taken in by some people. MARISHA: Really? TRAVIS: Some people? MARK: Yeah, I guess– You guys have been nice to me, I can tell. You know I mentioned those folks in the dragon masks, the cult? They were the ones that raised me. LIAM: That’s the first time you’re introducing the word “cult” into conversation. MARK: Oh, sorry, yeah. SAM: You’re a cultist? MARK: No. I was raised by them– MARISHA: You’re an ex-cultist. LIAM: Cult adjacent. MARK: I guess. I mean– SAM: Cult-ish? MARIK: Cult-ish, maybe. MATT: (like Nott) “You’re a cultist? You’re a cultist?” MARK: All right, stop, bird! Stop saying that word! I don’t like it. TALIESIN: Did you have your own mask or do they just wear masks, out of curiosity? MARK: I didn’t get a mask because I wasn’t allowed out. They kept me in the temple. It’s because they were bad, all right? I’m glad that I’m not with them anymore. They’re bad people. LIAM: So they did this to you? MARK: No, I’ve always been like this. MARISHA: They worshiped you? MARK: Yeah, they told me I was special. I was important to them somehow. MATT: Yasha and Fjord, as they’re having this conversation, you’re watching at the flanks and you can see the shape of that troll creature is still moving from tree to tree, keeping pace with your movement. ASHLEY: Fjord. TRAVIS: I saw it. What do you want to do? ASHLEY: There’s one of him and however the fuck many of us. LIAM: How far back is he? TRAVIS: Not too far. MATT: It’s not approaching you, but it’s keeping pace. MARISHA: We’re on rough terrain right now? MATT: You’re not in the center of the swamp where it’s a lot of shifting topography and roots and vines and patches of deep water you have to come across. You’re along the coast of this lake, so it’s mainly soggy dirt and sand, so it’s not rough terrain where you are. MARISHA: But where he is, it would be considered rough terrain? MATT: Yes. But you also have no protection. You’re literally out in the open. MARISHA: We can try to send someone ahead as bait, lure him out, fight him on steady ground? TRAVIS: Or we could just keep letting him match. LAURA: The thing is, what if something bad comes in front of us and then they trap us? Because he’s just following us. MARK: Why isn’t he attacking us? LAURA: Maybe he has friends ahead that he’s waiting on. TALIESIN: I tend to find things that live in trees filled with bones tend to not have necessarily many friends. I’m just putting it out there. I have nothing else to base that off of, but it didn’t look like a very social creature. LIAM: So if we feel like we want to get into a scrap, I or probably our new friend here could kick it off from a ways away. TRAVIS: We could, or Jester, you’re pretty friendly. You want to see if–? LAURA: It’s a friend? LIAM: The troll. MARISHA: He had green pus-y ooze pouring out of holes in his face. Just want to throw that out there. SAM: You could heal him and curry favor with him. LAURA: I could if I made myself look like a little teeny troll. And they would want to be friends with me. MARISHA: I got undead vibes from this guy? LIAM: Also, you are very charming, but every book that I have ever read about trolls– They do not make friends. They are bitter, nasty things. ASHLEY: They eat you if you’re little, you know. MARISHA: He definitely had like a collarbone just hanging out. TALIESIN: Can I see him from here? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Seven. MATT: You do not. TALIESIN: Do I technically have advantage because it’s trying to perceive an undead creature? MATT: No, because you don’t know if this creature’s undead or not. SAM: What if we set a trap or an ambush for him or her? MARISHA: That’s what I literally just said. SAM: We could do a little circley-poo and put Cali in the middle as bait, and then when it comes to attack, we spring the trap! TRAVIS: What’s the trap made of? SAM: I don’t know, I’ve been drinking a lot. LAURA: What if we ran rope between a couple trees and then we tripped it? LIAM: It’s watching us right now, isn’t it? MARISHA: He probably is hearing everything we’re talking about. LIAM: Debatable whether it can understand us, but perhaps it can. LAURA: Man, trolls are so cool! TRAVIS: Okay, how about this: Yasha, I’m sure you’ll agree, we can make one move to see if it’s interested in non-violence and then we have the advantage here now. ASHLEY: I like that idea a lot. Yeah, I would agree. TRAVIS: I don’t like being tailed in particular. SAM: Someone walks up to it while the others flank around? LAURA: Do you want me to do it, Fjord? TRAVIS: Don’t you? LAURA: Here, you hold Kiri then, because I don’t want her to get too close to it. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: What are you doing? Why are you holding–? SAM and LAURA: No! Put her down! MARK: You wouldn’t hold your own daughter that way! MATT: (like Nott) “It’s me, Bren!” (chirping) Pulls the dagger out. SAM: I’ll take Kiri, give me Kiri. Come here, little Kiri. My father won’t hurt you anymore. MARK: I’m going to stand closer to Bren. I’m disappointed in you, Mr. Fjord! TRAVIS: That means literally nothing to me. MARISHA: She’s so formal in her admonishment. Man, it kind of makes me feel bad. Anyway, let’s go. I’ll flank to the north. LAURA: Is the troll just watching all of you go away? MATT: If you’re doing this stealthily, then I need anyone who’s trying to not be seen to make a stealth check. LAURA: Should I try to Pass Without a Trace, you guys? TRAVIS: I don’t think we should stealth. SAM: It’s not an ambush if they can see where we are. TRAVIS: Fuck the ambush. There’s nine of us. One of him. SAM: That you know of. LIAM: I would, in fact, like to try to walk behind a tree so I’m obscured. MARISHA: I’m going to stealth to the north. TALIESIN: I’ll join you in the non-stealthing. MATT: Beau’s stealthing to the north, which will be here. Fjord, you guys are heading inward. TRAVIS: Molly, Yasha, and I will not be stealthing and heading inward, and we’ll be just behind Jester’s diplomatic envoy. LIAM: I don’t know if it can see me or not, but I would like to hold Magic Missile in case it attacks my friends. ASHLEY: I want to be close enough to Jester in case anything happens. MATT: Jester, where are you standing? LAURA: I guess I will be falling back because I’m going to talk to him. TALIESIN: You’ll be going in front of us. Because you’re going to talk to him. LAURA: I thought the thing was behind us. MATT: You guys are heading northward this way. You guys have to go this way because the lake’s all this direction. MARK: I’m stood next to Nott, with Kiri. MATT: Nott and Kiri are back here, and that would be– Go off to that side. Febron is like, “I’m "going to stay back here with the people in the back-back, because I want to stay in the back.” TRAVIS: (sarcastically) Oh no, I was enjoying our closeness. MATT: You guys begin to trudge in, deeper into the swamp. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to pull the last of my pastries, which I’m sure are really fucking gross by now. MATT: Yeah, they’re pretty stale. You’re fine. As you begin to move into the swamp, you do see the shape and it’s about maybe 60 or so feet from where you are. You watch it shift, and then shift to another tree a little further away. MARISHA: He’s moving away from us? MATT: He’s moving away from you. TRAVIS: Are we sure it’s the same one? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: 17. MATT: You see one shape move, it’s similar to the one you saw before. You can ascertain that it probably is the same creature, yeah. MARISHA: Okay, we do not want to follow this bunny rabbit down the hole. LAURA: I’m going to Invoke Duplicity and I’m going to send my duplicate towards the troll. It’s skipping. LIAM: (singing Peter’s Theme from Peter and the Wolf) TRAVIS: Yes, perfect. MATT: Make a deception check. No, you don’t need to after that, we’ll see if he can see through the illusion. It skips ahead. Just keeps walking in that direction? LAURA: Towards the trees, looking like she’s picking some vegetation. I doubt there’s flowers. TRAVIS: Mushrooms. LAURA: But whatever. Yeah. Whatever she can do. MATT: 50 feet, 60 feet, gets relatively close to where you saw the shape vanish. LAURA: I’m going to have her turn her back to the troll and act like she’s digging around in the mud. MATT: From behind the tree, one of the claws– The long, stringy hair dangling, somewhat stuck to its neck, shifting with the light breeze that blows through as it looks back and watches the illusion turn and shift. Is it relatively close to the tree, the illusion? LAURA: Pretty close. MATT: It sits there and waits, shifts. LAURA: I’m going to have her take a couple of steps away from the tree. MATT: It shifts back in its space a little bit. LAURA: She’s going to step back towards the tree. MATT: As soon as it gets within about five or so feet, the illusion, the troll creature reaches out and swings out to grab the illusion, passes through, and the claws (slash) into the tree. It goes (frantic grunting) and then vanishes behind the tree. You watch it dart, the shadow of it vanish behind another tree, and it’s moving further away from where you are. LAURA: Don’t think it was friendly. TRAVIS: Question answered. Did it move away? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Do you want to chase it? LAURA: I think we should stick to the safe house, what do you guys think? TRAVIS: I think that’s a good call. TALIESIN: For now. TRAVIS: We’ll stagger back towards the back line of our group. MARISHA: Yeah, continue on. LAURA: I’ll keep the invoke duplicity, the second me, skipping through the swamp at a distance. MATT: How long does that last? Lasts for a minute? LAURA: Invoke Duplicity lasts I think a minute, yeah. MATT: You guys cluster together outside of the swamp alongside the curvature of the lake, keeping an eye on the side, you continue to travel forward. The lake slowly begins to, as you guys are heading northward, along its side it begins to curve to a northeastern direction, and Febron’s like, “All right, so this is good. We’re getting closer to the northern side of the lake, which "means we’re getting close to where we follow the pearl blades to the safe house. Good, okay.” At this point, you look over to the side. Who’s keeping a watch on this? Okay, both of you guys roll a perception check, please. MARISHA: Motherfucker, my perception is balls. TRAVIS: 15. MARISHA: Nine. LAURA: Beau needs to stop looking out for things. MATT: 15, you said? You do see the shape now keeping pace with you again, same distance out there. It’s stalking you, but it’s definitely– you get the sense, based on the interaction you had earlier and the distance it’s keeping– it’s not interested in fighting nine of you. It’s waiting to pick one of you off and take it wherever it’s going to take it. It’s smart enough to know that it’s not going to jump into a fray in the open space, but it’s definitely waiting to see what weaker one stays to the back. ASHLEY: Can we put some of the little ones– Nott. Bren, get in the middle. Kiri. SAM: Yep, on my way. ASHLEY: I’m going to get in the back. MATT: You guys continue heading in a northeastern direction until eventually you watch the lake come to a northern peak and begin to curve back into a southern area. It looks like the top of the lake bends to a point northward and then begins to head southward and level out. At this point, Febron goes, “All right, good. From here, we head northward into the swamp. We’re looking for "daggers with pearl hilts in the trees. Those are the markers; there’s six of them that lead us "there.” He’s going to make a perception check. He looks a bit lost; someone want to help him out with this? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll look. MATT: Make a perception check as well. LAURA: 12, I think. Yeah. MATT: It takes you a moment, but you manage to catch– the third or fourth tree into the treeline, and you see a gleaming pearl-hilted dagger that is jammed about five feet off the ground into one of the thicker pieces of tree bark on the exterior of one of these trees. It’s this little mark that looks like someone jammed a whittling knife into it and left it there, and he goes, “That’s one, good. Okay, that means we’re going the right way.” LIAM: Do you see it? Show me. LAURA: It’s right here; it’s at eye level with me. LIAM: Good. MATT: Moving up, looking for the next one. Go ahead and roll. LAURA: Ooh, that’s better. That’s a 23. MATT: Both of you go, “There!” at the same time. MATT and LAURA: Ah! (chuckling) MATT: “All right, second one.” Moving on, looking for the third. LAURA: That was a one for me, I don’t see it. MATT: This one takes a little longer to find. All right. LAURA: But I don’t wander too far from everyone else because there’s a troll out there, you guys! MATT: Yeah. You find the third, Febron finds the fourth. LAURA: I find that last one. MATT: Fifth one because he did not find it, but you locate it. LAURA: 23! MATT: Yeah. With that point, he goes, “Okay. I’m pretty sure we’re almost there.” He points ahead, and you can see where there’s a cluster of trees. A new sight catches your attention. The first thing that hits you is this faint scent of rotting flesh. It hits your nose a bit and your eyes sting, water for the moment. As your vision focuses on the first corpse, a human man propped up on a spear going up through the side of his torso and out his left pectoral. His stomach is bloated and his skin is dull gray and glistening. His jaw hangs open, his expression this horrible, ghastly grimace. A few feet from him, stuck to one of the trees, you see a halfling woman with two blades jammed through her shoulders, pinning her up, legs dangling, but one leg is partially torn off. Her head is mounted down, hair in her face so you can’t make out any features, and they’re both placed up there right against this opening to a small clearing ahead, and this is where Febron goes, “And that’s what I’m talking about. That’s the warning. Whoever did this is trying to keep us out.” LAURA: You haven’t gone past these– MATT: “Fuck no!” LAURA: Shh! (quietly) They could be around! Hey you guys, I could try this thing that I’ve been wanting to do for a while, which is where I can talk to somebody that is not alive anymore. SAM: You can do that? LAURA: Yeah, the Traveler’s teaching me all about it and I think I can do it. MARK: Is the Traveler another wizard? LAURA: He kind of is, but he’s really powerful, and he’s super cool. LIAM: Settle in. LAURA: He wears this really cool cloak, and he’s got an amazing voice. Actually, hold on! I pull out one of my pamphlets. Here, if you want to learn more, you just let me know. TRAVIS: Maybe we can get back to talking to the dead people? LAURA: Yeah, do you want me to try it? SAM: That sounds like a great idea. TALIESIN: Nott, why don’t we check for traps, too? SAM: Oh, that’s my job! MARISHA: How long does it take you to talk to dead people? LAURA: It’s instantaneous, but I can talk to them for about ten minutes or so. SAM: Anyone who’s dead, or just one dead person? LAURA: Just one dead person that I cast it on. SAM: Which body is fresher, Matthew? MATT: From what you’re looking at, they’re both about as fresh as the other. TRAVIS: Which one’s got the better mouth? LAURA: It doesn’t have to be fresh, it could be really old. MATT: They both have their jaws intact. From what you can tell, the female halfling, you can’t make out the features of the face because the hair is in the way and dangling. The other one’s is open. LAURA: Which one looks friendlier? MATT: They both look pretty dead! SAM: Let me check for traps on the smaller one. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: Oh, a lot. 25. MATT: No traps, nothing like that. You do notice there are wounds across the body. Beyond the leg missing, there are a number of wounds. You can make a medicine check to try and ascertain what they are. SAM: Ten. MATT: Okay. They seem to be a combination of bite and claw marks. Not super deep slashing, but definitely a gash across the shoulder, the neck. There is one large puncture wound about that wide that’s right around where the sternum is. But whatever punctured it, one of the edges is torn out, like something hooked was placed in and then pulled through, dragging the flesh with it. SAM: Does her face look like– MATT: Intact. SAM: Yeah, we don’t know this person, right? MATT: No, you do not recognize this person, lifeless. You do see some rough elements of tattoos along the neck similar to the banded neck tattoos of members of The Gentleman’s crew that you had seen before. Not as thick and dense, but you can see that there is a pattern to the acquisition of some of these tattoos for the ones who run the smuggling line. You’re starting to ascertain and put that together, but intact. SAM: Would you like to talk to this one? LAURA: I mean, sure. SAM: Well, let me introduce you. LAURA: Okay. SAM: This is my friend, Jester. LAURA: Hi. SAM: Jester, this is a dead body. LAURA: I’m nervous; I’ve never done this before. TALIESIN: This should be good. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to hold my symbol of the Traveler. MARISHA: I’m going to keep a lookout while she does this. LAURA: I’m going to be like, okay, I’m going to do this thing. SAM: Just be confident. MATT: Kiri pulls a blade and gets behind Cali and is like, (like Jester) “I’ve never done this before.” LAURA: Kiri, be careful. MATT: (like Jester) “Be careful.” LAURA: Hey, you dead person, hey. I would like if you would come to life again a little bit and tell us some things that we want to know. (tongue waggling) (surprised yell) (screaming) MATT: You watch as a tiny dagger goes into the tree next to it and Kiri’s around Cali’s going– TRAVIS: Easy, Kiri, easy. Settle, settle. MATT: (cawing, whimpering) MARK: Yeah, Kiri settle. MATT: As the chest breathes in, some of the air escapes some of the wounds, and there’s bits of matter- MARK: (retching) MATT: The head settles down and looks right– MARISHA: Yasha and her gag reflex. ASHLEY: Oh no, it’s happening again. It feels like it’s coming up. MATT: Febron leaps back, he’s like, “Shit!”, and backs up a little bit. He looks really uncomfortable with this whole thing. You don’t think he was prepared for any sort of dead-raising circumstance. “Is this fucking necromancy?!” LAURA: Well, kind of! MATT: He keeps backing away. Now the corpse’s face of this halfling woman turns towards you. (inhaling) LAURA: (tongue waggling) We have to ask it some questions. (low monotone) What did this to you? SAM: I don’t think you have to talk like you’re dead. LAURA: Really, are you sure though? Have you ever talked to a dead person? SAM: I’ve never done it, you know more about this than me. MATT: (whispered voice) “Swamp fishmen from under the ground.” LAURA: Beau, are you writing this down? MARISHA: Swamp fishman from underground. MARK: That is incredibly specific and really useful. (laughter) LAURA: How many swamp fishmen? MATT: “Many.” LAURA: Many, there’re lots of them. There’re lots of them that attacked. SAM: Where? When? LAURA: How long ago did this happen to you? SAM: How many questions do you get? LAURA: I get five of them. MATT: “Weeks. Two, maybe three.” LAURA: Wow. Two or three weeks ago. Oh! Did anything that you did to the fishmen seem to hurt them more than other things? SAM: (spookily) Ooh. MATT: “We cut when we could. They bleed, but too many.” LAURA: They bleed, but there’s too many bleeds. MARK: If it bleeds, we can kill them. MARISHA: So when you cut it, it bleeds. Got it. SAM: One more question. LAURA: I get one more question, what should I ask? MATT: Kiri comes up and grabs the dagger, wedges it out of the tree and turns to Cali and goes, (like Cali) “If it bleeds, we can kill it.” Points it back to the corpse. LAURA: Don’t kill it again, okay Kiri? It’s okay. We have another question. SAM: Either where this happened or where they were hiding? TALIESIN: Where did it happen, inside? Or where did they come from? TRAVIS: Underground. TALIESIN: But did they come from the house, or from outside the safe house, or inside? MARK: Could you word it in a way where you ask all of those in one question, like, “Did you come from this, this, or this?” maybe, and then we’ll know where? SAM: Or, we could ask if there’s a secret entrance to the safe house. TALIESIN: What if there isn’t? SAM: Then we’ve wasted a question. TALIESIN: That’s fair. MARK: But we know there’s not a secret entrance. TRAVIS: Did any of it precede the attack? LAURA: Or we could ask it what its childhood was like. SAM: That would be an interesting story. I’m going to check behind us and see how far back Fermaw, what’s his name, Febron? MATT: Febron? SAM: How far back has Febron gone? MATT: He’s 20 feet behind you. He’s keeping a little back from the whole undead thing. SAM: Hey, Febron! Don’t go too far. There’s a troll back there. MATT: At which point, from behind one of the trees (growling), the troll reaches out and grabs him by the torso, pulls him back, and you hear him scream as the troll grabs him, tucks him under his arm, (snarling) and begins leaping away from you. LIAM: Magic Missile! MATT: Okay, go for it. Make an attack. ASHLEY: I go running. MATT: You go running. SAM: I miss. I got a nine. MARISHA: Almost made a bet if Febron was going to make it. MARK: Acid Splash. Cali’s going to spit a glob of acid. MATT: (splashes) All righty. TALIESIN: Oh no. Wait. Come back. LIAM: I’m going to cast at 2nd-level. MARISHA: Yeah. Oh no, man, oh no. MATT: Let me get the– ASHLEY: Wait, did we already give him the 100 gold? SAM: Yes. ASHLEY: We’re going to give him at the end, right? SAM: No, we gave it to him already. ASHLEY: We gave him half? TALIESIN: We’re going to loot the corpse anyway. We know where that money’s going. MARISHA: He did his job, though. He got us here. TALIESIN: We’re going to go find it in the tree later. It’ll be fine. ASHLEY: If he dies, we can get the money back. LAURA: Don’t waste all your spells, you’ve got to fight fish men! TALIESIN: It’s practically going to be in a safety deposit box. MARISHA: Hold this for us. TRAVIS: He’s fucking huge! MATT: That is the troll. TRAVIS: I thought he was humanoid-sized! LAURA: Oh, he’s huge! MARISHA: Look, he tucked Febron under his arm. TRAVIS: Why did you go try to be friends with that? What are you thinking? ASHLEY: I didn’t know he was that big! MATT: This is the opening of the clearing here, where you guys were talking to the halfling that was stapled to the tree right there. LAURA: Just stapled to the tree. MATT: Essentially, yeah. You guys all spin and watch this happening. Kiri’s over by the edge of the tree with you, and Caleb, where were you? LIAM: Towards the back of the group, never near the front. MATT: You would have probably been over here, near Nott. TRAVIS: This is north, towards me? MATT: Technically, this would be north. LAURA: Technically! MATT: Yes, that area’s north. SAM: I fired a shot that missed. MATT: Yes. What did you roll? SAM: A nine. MATT: That did miss. LIAM: Magic Missile, level two, four darts, total of 16 force damage. MATT: Nice. MARK: Reflex save– Dexterity. Dexterity saving throw for the Acid Splash. MATT: The troll spins and goes running with Febron going (screaming) in its grasp, it starts lumbering, leaping from tree to tree. Its legs, while it has this bulbous, swollen midsection, these thin frog-like legs are giving these fairly decent leaps from section to section, its other arm grasping onto the trees as it runs. You can see this is definitely its home terrain. As these magic missiles swarm out and slam into its body, with each impact, that green ichor sprays across Febron, and it starts to burn into his skin. He’s (screaming). TRAVIS: Xenomorph blood. LAURA: Oh no! TRAVIS: Is he unconscious? Is he done? Is that it? MATT: Febron goes limp– (cheering and groaning) MATT: I rolled 2d8. I rolled eight on each of them. That was the reaction there. MARK: Dexterity saving throw for the Acid Splash as well, if you don’t mind. MATT: Correct. That’s a four. MARK: Seven. MATT: Seven points of acid, got it. As it slams, it begins to burn the back of the skin. You watch a bit of steam rise off of its shoulder. It definitely is wounding the creature. This large, swollen troll is still making a break. I need everyone to roll initiative now. LIAM: Don’t fuck me, Matt Mercer. MARISHA: That’s a natural one. MATT: 25 to 20? LAURA: 23. MARK: 20. MARISHA: Actually, I’m going to blow my d8. Ooh, that’s an eight. TRAVIS: Jester and Cali? MATT: 20 to 15? SAM: 18. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: Nott and Molly. 15 to ten? MARISHA: 14. TRAVIS: 14 as well. LIAM: Did you speak up yet? ASHLEY: Nope. LIAM: Of course you didn’t. TRAVIS: Oh my god! MATT: Ten to five? ASHLEY: Six. Every time! MATT: Eight? TALIESIN: It’s magic. MATT: Ashley, it’s incredible. ASHLEY: It really is. I have a plus two in this campaign, also. Good grief. MATT: Is that everybody? I think so, yeah. Top of the round, as it’s bounding behind with an unconscious guide under its arm, Jester, you’re up first. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to Toll the Dead because he’s been injured. MATT: All righty. LAURA: I’m going to turn around and be like (splat). MATT: What type of damage is it? LAURA: It is necrotic damage, but he has to roll a wisdom saving throw. MATT: Which he does not make, he rolled a 12. LAURA: So 2d12! I can help search for those in a second– SAM: No, I got them. LAURA: Six whole points! MATT: Six points of damage. As the energy coalesces and the bell, (impact) in the range of this creature, it impacts it and it staggers for a second, and the pustules on its body emit more of that poison. LAURA: He has a loud ringing in his ears, damn it. MATT: That finishes your go. Cali, you’re up. MARK: Okay, so, seeing everything go on, and the combat erupt, you see her twitch a little bit, and she snarls a little. I’m going to rush up 30 feet, move up as much as I can. Get back here, now! I’m going to Quickened Spell, False Life on myself– actually, no, I’ll just do it as a normal action, I won’t Quickened Spell it. I’ll do False Life on myself and gain some vigor, as a 1st-level spell. SAM: All words I’ve never heard before. ASHLEY: Same! MARK: I gain seven temporary hit points, and then I’m going to– well, that’s it. Yeah. MATT: Cool. This strange barrier of arcane energy forms around Cali’s body, giving this little essence of vigor, and the body swells a bit. That finishes your turn. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I’ll get within 30 feet. Fire a crossbow shot towards its foot. MATT: Within 30 feet, you can stop about there. SAM: That’s good. MATT: Go for it. SAM: It hits, probably. 24? MATT: Yeah, that hits. SAM: Sneak attack? No. MATT: Technically, no, because he’s aware that you were there, and is not currently flanked by any allies. LAURA: Not flanked by Febron. SAM: Oh, terrible. Five points. MATT: Five points of piercing damage. It strikes and sticks into the back, and more of that green stuff begins to spray out of the wound where it hit in the vicinity. It’s creating bursts of this toxic sludge that’s oozing from its body around it each time you’re hitting it. SAM: I’ll shoot again, with bonus action. Ooh, that’s not as good. 13? MATT: 13? That does not hit. It manages to hit the tree that’s near it and sticking into that one, there. SAM: I’ll use the rest of my movement to duck behind a tree or something while I scream. LAURA: I wonder if Febron is going to get covered in that pus that’s coming out of him. MATT: There’s quite a bit of it on Febron, actually. LIAM: Are we in difficult terrain here? MATT: Yes, you are. MARISHA: Green stuff should sponsor us. MATT: I’d say in this clearing you’re not in terribly difficult terrain. You’re moving around okay, it’s not too bad. The further you get into it this way, it starts getting a little more– like in the cluster of trees in here, it starts getting a harder to move in. LIAM: Although, you’ve got your shoes on, yeah? LAURA: The ring. MATT: That ends Nott’s turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I’m going to try and cast Enthrall. MATT: Okay. That is a 14. What is it, wisdom? TALIESIN: I don’t know. Yes, I believe it’s a wisdom– MATT: 13. Your DC on that is? It’s charisma-based, right? This is your racial? TALIESIN: Yeah, it is racial. MATT: It succeeds, it’s a ten. Unfortunately! That would have stopped it in its tracks. TALIESIN: (groaning mumbles) MARISHA: That was Molly? TALIESIN: Yep. MATT: Is that your turn? Do you want to move closer? TALIESIN: I’ll move up to that tree. MATT: Okay, so you move up to there. TALIESIN: As a bonus, I’ll– no, I’ll hold off. MATT: Okay, that finishes Molly’s go. Beau and Fjord, you guys are up. MARISHA: I think I’m 40 feet within him. If you do it– LAURA: You’re 40 feet within him? MATT: (counting) You do, you get right up into its body. MARISHA: Hey, so deep! Okay, I’m going to pop pop. My two strikes– oh, wait, that’s a die damage. First two strikes! First one is a 21, second one is a 16? MATT: They both hit. MARISHA: Okay! Damn it, I rolled a one, this sucks. 12 damage for the first one, seven damage for the second one. MATT: Great. MARISHA: Yeah? MATT: What else are you doing? MARISHA: I’m going to use a ki point to do stunning strike. MATT: Oh, nice. MARISHA: Stunning strike! MATT: All right. 21. MARISHA: Fuck. MATT: That is a plus five on its constitution saving throw. Trolls, man. It resists the stunning strike. MARISHA: That’s good to know. MATT: You still have your bonus, though. MARISHA: I still have my bonus. I’ll just punch him in the face. LAURA: Please don’t waste all your stuff on this guy, because, you know– MARISHA: Because we might still fight all those things. Nine damage. No, sorry, ten damage. MATT: Ten damage. Third strike? MARISHA: That was it. MATT: Okay, cool. You rush forward, slamming into it with your staff and your fists, striking into its body. With each impact, it takes you a moment to realize what’s happening, but that spray is covering your face, and as it does, the venom is pushing into your flesh and burning upon contact. MARISHA: You guys, it makes your throat a little numb! MATT: You take nine points of poison damage. You take another nine points of poison damage. You take 15 points of poison damage. A total of– sorry, 15, nine and nine, so that’s 34? 34 points of poison damage. TRAVIS: 33. MATT: 33, sorry. LAURA: Y'all, don’t get close to this guy, because I don’t want to waste all my– MATT: Febron, by the way? Fucking dead. You see now he’s coated in this toxin. The eyes are open and now pouring out of his mouth is foam at the edge with his tongue lolling out. Yeah, as it was fleeing, all the impacts covered him with the same toxic stuff and sent him straight to his grave. MARISHA: Guys, our money’s getting away! LAURA: I think it’s okay because I’m going to have to use all my fucking spells healing you, Beau! MARISHA: I’m okay! LAURA: Why don’t you get back here? MATT: That ends Beau’s turn. Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: Can I move 15 feet towards the troll? I’ll see the gore and poison splattering all over Beau and little sizzles coming up and shit, and I’m like: Eh, Eldritch Blast! MARISHA: I turn around to you and I go (gasping and groaning). TRAVIS: (screams, blasts) MATT: All right. Two attacks on it. TRAVIS: Okay. Oh, that’s 26 to hit. MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: And 25 to hit. MATT: Both hit. TRAVIS: Those were monsters, jeez. 1d10 plus four, that’s eight points on the first one, and that’s 14 points on the second one. MATT: Woo, nice! Both parts of its back where they impact, the flesh tears open, revealing the muscle beneath, and as it does, more of it sprays. Beau– TRAVIS: Oh, shit, right! MATT: You take five points of poison damage. MARISHA: Hang on, let me make sure I’m doing my math right, too. It was 33 points of damage is what you did before, right? MATT: Correct. LAURA: 34. TRAVIS: 33. MATT: It was 15 plus 18, so it’s 33. MARISHA: Okay, and then– MATT: You just took another 20 points of poison damage. MARISHA: I am unconscious. SAM: What?! Way to go, Mee-ster Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah, don’t anybody else hit it. LAURA: Oh god, please don’t pick up Beau. MATT: Beau falls onto the ground, arms limp, covered in this toxic substance. That ends your turn, Fjord? TRAVIS: Yeah, I cast Regret. (laughing) MARK: I cast Major Regret at 5th-level. MATT: Okay, so it is now the troll’s turn. The troll does not regenerate because you did acid damage to it with your last attack, which prevents it from regaining any hit points. MARK: That was not me meta-gaming, chat. MATT: However, it’s still currently clutching the body of Febron under its arm. It’s going for a straight bolt, it looks down and sees Beau unconscious, uses its action to pick Beau up under the other arm– LAURA: No! Goddamn it. MARK: It doesn’t have to move to do it, does it? MATT: Nope. Now it’s going to use its full movement. That’s 30, it is right where the marker is right there. LAURA: –without killing Beau, because we can’t attack it? SAM: We have to stop it with magic, or nets. MARISHA: Anyone have a Hold Monster situation? MATT: Yeah, this is a pickle, guys. TRAVIS: You didn’t really like that character that much, did you? MARISHA: You know! MATT: That ends the troll’s turn. Caleb, you’re up. MARISHA: Haven’t even gotten her backstory yet. LIAM: I will use my movement first. I want to get as close as I can, which is 15 feet– or, no, you said the closer we get? MATT: Right there is when you start getting to rough terrain, so that’s as far as you get– which the troll is not affected by, you’ve noticed that it’s in its home turf. LIAM: Yeah, you know, I went through a whole range of emotions because first I was going to try to hold it, but then the guy was dead, so I was like fuck it, I’ll switch to a Fire Bolt, but then he grabbed Beau, so I am going to use the Glove of Blasting and cast Scorching Ray on it, because I can’t reach for anything better. LAURA: No, but what if it makes it pus its thing and then it hits Beau and she dies?! MARK: Every time it gets hit, even by spells. LAURA: Don’t damage it! LIAM: Yeah? TRAVIS: That’s what happened to Febron. MARISHA: We need like a hold thing– LIAM: I don’t have that. TRAVIS: I don’t either. I mean, I got something that holds, but it damages, too. MATT: What are you doing, Caleb? LIAM: I’m going to cast Magic Missile on its head. MATT: Magic Missile on its head? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and roll for the damage on that. SAM: Beau dies. LIAM: No, I’m going to cast– fucksticks. I’m going to cast Haste on Nott. That’s what I do. MATT: Okay. You are now holding concentration on Haste. Nott, you feel suddenly the world slows ever so slightly and you feel this burst of adrenaline in your body. LAURA: Do you have a healing potion? SAM: No. MATT: That’s your turn. MARISHA: I do. MATT: Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. How close can I get? MARISHA: Man, I was hoping to stun it, guys, I’m sorry. TALIESIN: It was a good plan. ASHLEY: Fuck, that’s not going to work. SAM: Caleb? LIAM: Yeah. Your AC is up, an extra action. ASHLEY: All right, well, I would like to rage. I’m going to scream out, in a super intimidating voice. MATT: Don’t forget, if you rage and don’t attack or are attacked by the end of your next turn, you lose your rage. ASHLEY: Oh shit. MATT: So if you’re not planning to attack it, or if there’s not going to be something attacking you, you’re losing a rage for the day, so keep that in mind. MARK: You just need to take damage, like get hit by something. MATT: It’s either attack or be attacked, you don’t have to take damage necessarily. TALIESIN: The acid will do full damage. SAM: Pus flew out of it. MARISHA: I’m sweating. ASHLEY: Oh my god, you’re amazing. MARISHA: Sorry, audience. MATT: So it’s taking damage. So it’s you attacking or taking damage. ASHLEY: Okay, fuck. Shit. Okay. Well, I’m not going to take it back. LAURA: Can you just grapple it? ASHLEY: That’s as far as I can go. MATT: Yeah. Unfortunately, you’re starting to get through some sludge. TALIESIN: You can dash and burn your action. MATT: You can, yeah. ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll do that. MATT: All right. MARISHA: You guys know where he’s taking me. LAURA: Potentially. MATT: That’s as close as you can get right there. ASHLEY: Am I within ten feet of it? MATT: You are. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I use necrotic shroud, then, if I use that as the action to run? MATT: You don’t have an action to use it anymore, unfortunately. ASHLEY: Okay. Can I just yell at it? MATT: Yeah. What do you yell? I give you two bonus actions. ASHLEY: Super intimidating. Oh, but then I’ve got to fucking attack something. All right, I’m going to be super intimidating and say: Drop it! MATT: Make an intimidation check. TRAVIS: No! MARK: No! I said no! MARISHA: Roll a 20. LAURA: 20! Oh, so close! ASHLEY: Okay, that’s intimidation. Intimidation is minus two. TRAVIS: How? ASHLEY: I look so mean because my charisma’s so low. MATT: Well, it’s charisma-based, but depending on the intimidation, you can use your strength modifier instead. ASHLEY: 17. MATT: Okay, with your strength modifier? TALIESIN: No, without the strength modifier. TRAVIS: You can use your str– ASHLEY: Oh I can use my strength! MATT: It makes sense, and it’s how we did it in the last campaign, too. It’s one of the rules that they say you can use for your campaign. Charisma or strength for your intimidation because it makes sense for you. ASHLEY: Oh yes, okay! Okay, okay, okay! MATT: My favorite Pike line, by the way, in Pillars Of Eternity. MARISHA: I was just thinking that as well! TALIESIN and MARISHA: Okay, okay, okay. ASHLEY: Okay! 22! MATT: 22, all right. MARISHA: I died when I heard that. MATT: Okay, it turns around and glances at you and it looks shaken. I’ll say, for the purposes of this, it’s frightened of you until the end of your next turn. ASHLEY: Okay. LAURA: It’s going to keep running away from you. MATT: Yeah. LIAM: It’s all happening like this. MATT: Does that finish your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Can I like slap myself? MATT: Unfortunately– ASHLEY: Does that not work? Shit. Wasted a rage. MATT: It’s now Kiri’s turn. Kiri holding a dagger– MARISHA: Kiri be my savior! SAM: Aw Kiri. MATT: She just holds the dagger. That’s Kiri’s turn. MARISHA: Yeah, Kiri. MATT: And shouts, (like Jester) “Fuck!” Jester, it’s your turn. LAURA: Can I get within 60 feet of it? MATT: Yeah, you’re within 60 feet. LAURA: Awesome! I’m going to cast Healing Word on Beau. MATT: Oh shit. Okay. LAURA: As my bonus action. Healing Word, so you regain 1d4 plus four hit points. LIAM: Wow. LAURA: Seven points! MATT: So you are conscious. MARISHA: Oh! I’m conscious! MARK: Being grappled by a troll, one thing at a time. MARISHA: Seven hit points, right? TRAVIS: Yeah. Modern Literature! LIAM: Lie down, play dead. TRAVIS: We don’t know what that is. MARISHA: I’m going to wake up, see my situation and go (gasps) and play dead. MATT: Okay, so when we come to your turn, you can do that. You come to consciousness, and you’re like (panting) and your body hurts, there’s all this stinging from the toxin burning your skin and flesh. You’re chucked under and you can feel the claws digging into part of your thigh and side as you’re being run along by this giant troll creature. It smells awful; this heavy scent of rotting citrus and fungus that’s permeating from its body. That finishes your turn, Jester? LAURA: That was my bonus. MATT: That was your bonus, you still have your action. LAURA: But I don’t think I can do anything. I guess I’ll hold an attack, I’ll hold– MATT: Sacred Flame? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll hold Sacred Flame until Beau is dropped and far enough away. MATT: You got it. Holding there, Cali, you’re up. MARK: How close can I get to it with the difficult terrain? Can I get next to Yasha? MATT: You can get that close right now with the speed of 30 feet, yeah. MARK: No, it’s fine. I will get there and she twitches a little bit. Come on! Quickened Levitate on Beau. I’m going to try and lift Beau up. If there’s a tree line above, I’m going to try and fling her up to the tree line. MATT: Interesting! For the purposes of this, make an arcana check and this is going to be your attempt to break the grapple of the troll. MARISHA: Come on, Cali! MATT: Ten. Not very good at arcana. LAURA: Maybe? TRAVIS: What?! MATT: Two! Fucking! You’re a lucky son of a bitch! It has a plus four on its strength roll. MARK: So (whoop). MARISHA: Calianna! MATT: Ripping from the grip of the troll, Beau gets lifted into the air, and is now hovering there. LAURA: Is she far enough away? MARK: Is there a tree line that I can send her to so she can grab on? MATT: Yeah. You can do that. LAURA: Oh my god. MARK: Grab on! TALIESIN: It’s like in Willow with the stick. Woo! LAURA: When she is far enough away, I cast Sacred Flame. MARK: For my action, I’m going to do another Acid Splash because that was a bonus because of quickened. MATT: Beau is now lifted up into the tree. You’re just within reach of branches when it comes to your turn. SAM: Okay, everything’s fine now. LIAM: I mean she’s half melted, but… MATT: I’m going to be honest, you almost killed her, man. Scorching Ray if those all had hit, Beau’s dead. I was like, oh fuck. LIAM: We got to cut that dead weight, man. MATT: I got real nervous. Magic Missile would have done the same, too, because it’s a splash per missile. MARISHA: I have blackmail material on you, motherfucker. MATT: Go for it. Dex save for you. Natural 20, and then for you dex save as well. That is an eight. LAURA: Okay, so you get hit with 2d8. MATT: Yes. LAURA: Nine points! MATT: Splashes out. No one is close enough to be impacted by the effect. TRAVIS: How’s Febron? MATT: Febron’s dead. Febron’s like– TRAVIS: A soggy KFC drumstick. MATT: Kind of! His arms and legs are dangling behind as it’s dragging him through. It’s pretty rough. TALIESIN: Does the radiant damage seem to have a particular effect? MATT: Not beyond anything else. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: We should just let him go, huh? TRAVIS and TALIESIN: Yeah. MARK: Get out of here! MATT: Ending Cali’s turn; Nott, you’re up. SAM: I’m up? Okay, is there anything in melee range with it? No. MATT: Currently no. SAM: I’ll move within 30 feet. MATT: That’s as close as you can get right there. That’s not quite within 30 feet. SAM: That’s as close as I can get? LIAM: Nott is double speed and has a ring on for water walking. MATT: For water walking, right. I’ll say, for that purpose, it does give you the extra movement there. So now you’re just within 30 feet. SAM: I don’t know that we’re letting it go, so I’m going to cast Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on it. Throw out a little piece of pastry and I’ll yell to it: What’s a swamp frog’s favorite drug? Croak-aine! (groaning) SAM: They’re not winners, guys. MATT: Wisdom save is a 13. What’s your DC? SAM: It’s a 14. MATT: 14, it fails! It immediately falls prone, laughing with the corpse of Febron being flailed about in the air as it’s spinning. The legs and arms– SAM: I’ll use my extra action to attack. MATT: Well technically, you can only do the bonus action to attack if you use the attack action. SAM: This is an extra attack action. MATT: Oh! Because you’re hasted! That’s right! Sorry, I was thinking of the bonus action, you’re correct. SAM: I rolled a 16 plus seven, 23. MATT: That hits. SAM: Because it’s prone do I get advantage or anything? LAURA: No, you get disadvantage. SAM: Oh, natural 20, so it still hits, 23. But do I get sneak attack? No. Because it’s prone, no. MATT: No, because you do not have advantage on the attack, unfortunately. SAM: Oh, look. it’s a ten to hit. MATT: Nice. SAM: I mean ten points of damage. MATT: It sinks into it. SAM: I don’t get a bonus action off of that attack? MATT: You do because it’s an attack action. SAM: Okay, I’ll fire again. Natural 20 and a 20, just a straight 20. MATT: Okay, that hits. To two? Oh man, that sucks. SAM: Another seven points of damage. MATT: Seven points of damage. That finishes your turn, Nott, well done. On the ground you’re firing both of those. They’re sticking inside, these sprays of poison toxin out of his body as it’s laughing on the ground. For Tasha’s Hideous laughter, does it get a chance to break? SAM: Let me see, at the end of each of its turns or each time it takes damage, a target can make a wisdom saving throw. MATT: Nope, that was a two. SAM: Target has advantage on that save if it’s triggered by that damage. MATT: The second roll was a 16, so it succeeds. It fell prone, gave you disadvantage on the attacks, and then got out of your spell. Lesson learned. SAM: Nice. Right, good to know. MATT: But it is prone. That finishes your turn, Nott. Molly. TALIESIN: Where is the little bird? MATT: Right here. TALIESIN: There’s really not much I can do here, so I’m going to– TRAVIS: Send it packing, Molly. TALIESIN: I got nothing I can do. LAURA: Then get the fuck out of here. SAM: (Infernal voice) Get the fuck out of here. TALIESIN: Well, I can do that, I’m going to do one more attempt to do a Devil’s Tongue. TRAVIS: What does it sound like? TALIESIN: (demonic) Scoot, scoot! Scoot! MATT: It rolled a three minus one, so it succeeds. It takes what type of psychic damage? TALIESIN: Oh, wow, holy cow. I’m not used to it working. 5th-level, so hey, look at that, it actually has gone up. 2d4 psychic damage. That’s four points of damage and it has disadvantage on its next attack roll. MATT: Interesting, okay, so psychic damage strikes it and it does not spray the venomous toxin upon receiving the psychic damage. But it is grabbing its head, now the laughter has subsided. TALIESIN: Brain freeze. MATT: It’s trying to get back to its feet. That finishes your turn, Molly? TALIESIN: That’s all I got. MATT: Beau, you’re up in the trees. Fjord, you’re on the ground. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: You’re levitating. MARISHA: I am levitating. LAURA: Can you try and hold on to the branch? MARISHA: Yeah, can I scootch and perch up on the branch? MATT: Sure, you still have the levitation spell on you, so if you were to leap, you’d just glide. LIAM: Marry Poppins! MARISHA: I grip the tree branch with my thighs, I’m going to force grip it. MATT: Okay, so you’re on the branch there. MARISHA: Yeah, side saddle and then I’m going to– I don’t know why I’m acting like I’m drawing a bow like I’m a bow user because I’ve never been a bow user, but my name is Beau. I’m going to take two shurikens and do that. TRAVIS: Hadouken! MARISHA: First attack, don’t fuck me Gil, 15. MATT: 15 just hits. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: When it is prone you have disadvantage, so roll again to attack. It’s a ranged attack. MARISHA: Oh wow, that’s 14. MATT: 14 just misses. It sinks into the swamp mud next to it. MARISHA: Bummer, second one, natural 20. MATT: One more time because this has disadvantage. MARISHA: 14. MATT: Okay, so that does hit, roll damage on the second one. MARISHA: Which is a d4 we’ve said, correct? MATT: That is correct. LIAM: Oh, cocked. Super cocked. More! MARISHA: Sure, I’ll take that. That’s a ten. MATT: Ten? MARISHA: Yeah, damage. MATT: Four plus– MARISHA: Four plus six, my attack bonus, right? MATT: Damage bonus. MARISHA: My damage bonus. Oh I’m sorry, eight. MATT: Eight, that’s what I thought. Eight points of damage. The shuriken sinks into its chest; another spray of toxin. Nothing in the vicinity to take the damage, that finish your turn? MARISHA: I have a bonus, right? MATT: You do. MARISHA: But I can’t do a range. MATT: No, it’s only unarmed. I think that’s your turn. TALIESIN: Glug glug. TRAVIS: Glug glug? MARISHA: I don’t have a healing potion. TRAVIS: She doesn’t have a glug glug. MATT: Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’ll move five feet closer towards el troll, and I’ll say: Get the fuck out of here! And I’ll Eldritch Blast twice. MATT: Go for it. Disadvantage on each strike. TRAVIS: That’s going to miss anyway, and the second one. They both miss. MATT: They both go passing right over its body as it’s trying to get up. It slips for a second, and what would’ve hit, it ducks out of the way just in time and both of them arc off, hitting nothing. TRAVIS: You get your ass out of this forest! MATT: That finishes your turn. It’s now the troll’s turn. It gets up, half its movement, and it’s going to run 15 feet this way and then a full action run for another 30 feet, and it’s darting off with the corpse of Febron under its arm. It has its prize and it’s running off into the swamp. It’s hurting, but you’re watching its flesh stitch together a little more and starting to heal up from some of the wounds. TRAVIS: Yeah, get the fuck on out! Nobody wants you here, anyway! MATT: Is anybody pursuing? LIAM: Yes, it’s in my range. I will walk 15 feet forward and cast Fire Bolt from here. It’s a 120-foot range. MATT: All right, go ahead and roll for that. LIAM: Oh that’s not the d20, hold on. That’s a natural one. MATT: Nope. The Fire Bolt vanishes beyond its space there. Anybody else with a ranged attack that wants to try and make it? SAM: Sure, I’ll take a shot. MATT: Go for it. SAM: At disadvantage? MATT: At this range it is. SAM: 12. MATT: 12 misses. It’s starting to hit the mist and its form is starting to become a little harder to see and it’s running with such an intense speed. SAM: I’ve got one more hasted action. MATT: You do. And a bonus action attack if you want to. SAM: Terrible. 14? MATT: 14? No, just misses. SAM: Okay, and a bonus attack action. 16. MATT: Roll damage. It does strike. SAM: Hey, that’s one! MARISHA: Kill it! SAM: Eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage. It manages to catch it. It’s still running. Fjord, you’re the only one with a proper ranged attack here if you want to try. TRAVIS: Sure, I’ll do it. I’ll take two more Eldritch Blasts at it. At disadvantage, right? That’s a natural one. My bad. 19. 18! That’ll hit, that’s 25. MATT: Go ahead and roll damage. TRAVIS: 1d10. That’s nine plus four. 13 points of Eldritch Blast. MARISHA: He’s got our gold! MATT: It gets blasted. Still going. TRAVIS: You fucking piece of shit! MARISHA: How far away is he right now? MATT: Well, now it takes its next turn to do a full 60-foot run. MARISHA: I couldn’t jump one more and try to get him a little– LAURA: I don’t think he’s going down with it. MATT: At this point, the fact that you guys are having a hard time hitting it and the rate that it’s healing, you’re starting to think– MARISHA: Oh, he’s healing? MATT: Yeah. TRAVIS: Don’t you dare tell us what we’re starting to think! MATT: I’m just saying, you can continue to pursue if you want to. MARISHA: No. LAURA: But we’d be idiots. MARK: But the implication is: You really don’t. SAM: We know where he lives! TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s right. We know where his hovel is. So lesson learned. LAURA: Oh, there’s a dead person I’m talking to! SAM: We have one more question! LAURA: I turn around and run back to the dead person. TRAVIS: Beau is just: You fucking–! MARISHA: Yeah, I’m doggy-paddling through the air. SAM: Will you let our friend down? MARK: Oh yeah, sorry Ms. Beau! MARISHA: I slow fall. TRAVIS: Still one more question. LIAM: Matt, we’re still in the middle of nowhere at this point, or we’re–? MATT: You guys are right at the edge of where these bodies have been propped up as a warning, which, from what Febron told you, was placed up to prevent people from coming towards the safe house. LIAM: We don’t have our guide anymore. Ask this one which way to go. LAURA: Oh, this isn’t the safe house? SAM: This is the gate of the safe house. MATT: You’re starting to get close to it, as far as you know. LIAM: As far as we know. MARISHA: If these are the warnings. SAM: Specific directions. LAURA: All right. I guess that’s what I’ll ask it, then, because that’s all I can ask. MATT: As you approach the head is tracking you the whole time. LAURA: Sorry, we got distracted, there was a troll that came and stole our guide. I think you might have known him. Anyway, which way is the actual safe house that we’re trying to get to? MATT: The head curves off to the right between the tree that it’s stapled to and the other body that’s propped up. “100 feet that way.” LAURA: Oh shit. We totally could have seen it! SAM: I can see it, it’s right there! MATT: You don’t see any safe house. You don’t see anything like that. At that point the head (sighs) continues back. LAURA: Well, at least we know it’s 100 feet, so we can search for it. TALIESIN: Are there actual knives stuck in– MATT: Looks to be two shortswords have been jammed into it. TALIESIN: Shortswords or daggers? MATT: Shortswords. LAURA: Do they have anything in their pockets? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: Yeah, we’re looting these bodies right now. That’s nice. LAURA: Investigation, you say? 14? MATT: Okay. Rummaging through the pockets and the various baubles you can find, you find four pieces of gold, a handful of about 12 silver– this is on the halfling– a charm, looks like it’s made from a dried animal foot of some kind, like a dog or a coyote. TALIESIN: (hiccups) MATT: (imitates a hiccup) LIAM: It’s cursed hiccups. MATT: And a note that’s keeping track of locations, but it’s mostly soaked now and the ink has all run, and you make out bits of words here and there, but it makes no sense to you. LAURA: I’m taking it. SAM: Give me the charm. LAURA: Are you going to check if it’s magic? SAM: Yes. LAURA: Okay. SAM: I don’t check if it’s magic. LAURA: I’m going to use Mending on the note. Oh wait, it doesn’t make the words come back. Remember, we already figured this part out. MATT: Yeah, the paper is now dry and a full piece of paper, but the ink is still as smeared and lost as it was before. SAM: Can I look at the words? MATT: The few words you make out involve a time. One of them says two hours past the noon sun, that’s the most you make out of one sentence. Part of it’s smeared. It’s like Steve Martin in The Jerk trying to read the love letter. (gibberish) The other things you can make out are four men required, and then another one saying something about Shady– and that’s all you make out. LAURA: Shady grove. I bet the Shady grove. SAM: Shadycreek. LIAM: I’ll say while Jester was doing all that, Caleb sat down and took out his spellbook and started ritual casting Detect Magic. TRAVIS: Yeah, in fact, could we could take a short rest while Caleb’s doing that since that was a little gnarlier than we anticipated? LIAM: Well, maybe after I do that because I’m tapped. MARISHA: My body hurts. LAURA: I’m going to heal you. MATT: Okay, we’ll take a short rest here and while we’re doing that we’ll also take a break. Restroom here. We’ll be back here in just a few minutes. Thank you for kicking with us. We have our Wyrmwood giveaway today. We have a fantastic lacewood deck box. Lacewood, it’s got a really cool texture. It looks like a chainmail. It’s one of the cooler-looking woods, in my opinion. This is going to be a giveaway for one of you lucky winners in the chat in the US or Canada, excluding Quebec. Head on over to the Twitch chat to enter the phrase tonight. Enter only once or you will be disqualified. However, for tonight, the word is “bird.” Bird is the word. MATT, TRAVIS, MARISHA, MARK, TALIESIN, ASHLEY: (singing) Bird, bird, bird. Bird is the word. B-b-b-bird, bird, bird. MATT: We’ll be back in a few minutes, guys. We’ll see you then. Enjoy the break time, enjoy the rewatch of our awesome D&D Beyond video. Back here in a minute. [drum intro] ♪ You got the perfect warlock, ♪ ♪ her weapons and supplies ♪ ♪ But you need a place to track your stuff ♪ ♪ 'cause you’re so disorganized! ♪ ♪ You click open the web page ♪ ♪ you heard about on Critical Role ♪ ♪ And now you’re ready to kick some butt ♪ ♪ in that mineshaft full of gnolls! ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ Yeah D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond ♪ ♪ You got your stats, you got your sword ♪ ♪ and you’ve got your invisible wand! ♪ ♪ It’s D&D! (D&D) ♪ ♪ D&D! ♪ ♪ D&D Beyond! ♪ MARISHA: Hey, Twitch viewer! Didn’t see you there. We here at Geek & Sundry appreciate your viewership and your subscription. But did you know that if you have an Amazon Prime account, you can get a free subscription to a single Twitch channel of your choice? In fact, you might even have an Amazon Prime account and not even know it. It’s a proven fact that five out of five Amazon Prime account users have Amazon Prime because they simply forgot to cancel their 30-day free trial. So put that free two-day shipping to use and subscribe to Geek & Sundry. But remember, you have to re-subscribe each month to your Twitch channel of choice, which is kind of irritating. But, you know, it’s ultimately not our design. So give Geek & Sundry a sub because, you know, we did shoot this fake PSA. [break] MATT: Hello everyone, and welcome back! I just dropped my note. I’ll pick it up in a second. So before we get into it, we’re going to announce the winner of our giveaway! The winner of our fantastic Wyrmwood giveaway is the_bowmeister. (surfer voice) The_bowmeister, enjoy your Wyrmwood! (normal voice) So congratulations, we’ll get that sent out to you ASAP. LIAM: That’s very Wildemount, the_bowmeister. MATT: The_bowmeister? Ja, possibly would be. Back into the game we go. MARISHA: Oh, now you got it on Mark! MATT: Ugh! (blood spraying) TALIESIN: Roll a d4. SAM: Just real quick, I wanted to give a quick shoutout to my brother-in-law, Peter Habib of Mr. Fantastic Music. They did the track for the animated thing. TRAVIS: So good! ASHLEY: So good! I love it. SAM: (Scottish accent) I love it! MATT: Indeed. Bringing us back into the game. You guys have taken your short rest, healed up a bit, and recovered from the chaos of the swamp you managed to trudge through. You’ve lost your guide, but you’ve survived thus far. The rest of you, at least. What would you like to do? Oh, you were casting– LIAM: Scorching Ray on Beau. MATT: Yes. MARK: Finish her off. TRAVIS: Finish her. MARISHA: I trusted you, motherfucker. LIAM: I told you everything. You have to die! MATT: Utilizing Detect Magic, you were saying– LIAM: Yeah. MATT: On? LIAM: Well, it’s like blacklight, so on everything on what they were looking at. MATT: Nothing magical within what was found on the bodies, no. LIAM: Is Nott glowing in any kind of way that I am not used to? MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: How far does that extend? LIAM: 30 feet, I believe. TRAVIS: It occurred to me from what your friend said that this location might not be entirely above ground any longer. LAURA: Mm-hmm. My dead friend? Yeah, I think it might be hidden or something. TRAVIS: Yeah. Two hours past, what was it, noon? MARISHA: Two past noon. TRAVIS: Maybe it only becomes visible at a certain time? MARISHA: Four men required. LIAM: You, my good friend, would you walk with me in the direction that the dead person said that this entrance is in? Before my magic runs out. MARISHA: Why do you feel the need to call me a good friend? LIAM: You’re right. Person that I work with, would you walk over before my spell runs out so that I can use it to help the group? MARISHA: Yeah. TALIESIN: Why don’t we all head in that direction, maybe? In a large, well knit group. TRAVIS: Since there are things that’ll be snagging bitches when we get separated. MARK: Is it dark, or is it–? MATT: No, at this point it’s later afternoon, maybe. It’s like two or three o'clock. MARISHA: Maybe like, two past noon? MATT: Maybe. LIAM: Caleb knows exactly what time it is. Liam likes to burn his friends. SAM: Caleb also likes to burn his friends. LAURA: Aw. TALIESIN: (singing) One thing, we’ve got it coming. MATT: You left early enough in the day where you aren’t threatened for dusk for another few hours. You guys continue on past the tree? LIAM: Towards the 100-foot mark that the– SAM: Should we scan for traps? LAURA: Probably. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARK: Caleb’s Detect Magic would probably pick up traces on my bracelet. MATT: That’s true. LIAM: So it glows. MATT: Outside of the space around you or the trinkets found within the corpses, nothing. But you do see the mild glow from the bracelet on Cali’s arm. LAURA: Hey Cali, can I ask you a question? SAM: 19. MARK: Sure, Jester! LAURA: On check traps, sorry. SAM: No, go ahead. LAURA: This bowl that we’re looking for. MARK: Yep. LAURA: You said it was used in rituals. MARK: I think it is, yeah. It’s more that I know that it’s part of a set that I know this cult were looking for and I want to stop them getting it. SAM: Like a tea set? LAURA: Were you ever used in rituals with these bowls? MARK: Kind of. Not ones involving this bowl. But other rituals. God, this sounds really horrible to say. They weren’t nice people. They kill people and I kind of helped them because I didn’t know any better. You got to remember, Serissa, the priestess who raised me, she told me all this stuff about the Tyrant, about the Queen, and I thought that that was just what the world was like, you know, I thought that that was good, and she told me that these other people were bad, and thieves, and that they were being killed for righteous purpose. LAURA: Who were the bad people? SAM: What queen? MARK: The Scaled Tyrant. They call her the Queen. She’s the Queen of Dragons. Five draconic heads represent her, and that kind of thing. SAM: So not a real queen? MARK: Maybe she’s a real queen, I don’t know. I just always heard to her referred to as the Queen. ASHLEY: She has five heads? MARK: That’s what the stories say. One for each color of dragon. LIAM: Would I know about this? MATT: Make a religion check. LAURA: Oh, I know about re– No. I don’t know anything about religion. MATT: You can make a religion check if you want to try and recall information. LIAM: 13. MATT: 13. You’ve heard of the Scaled Tyrant. You don’t know a whole lot of information. But you know, through your research, that one of the entities that partook in elements of the Calamity. LIAM: Obviously not part of the okayed deities of the Empire. MATT: No. Not at all. Is definitely considered one of the betrayer gods in the Calamity, though very selfish and is considered by many to be the patron– whether it be the mother of, or the patron of, chromatic dragons. MARK: Serissa, the priestess who found me, she was nice to me, but she would torture and kill people in her name. LAURA: What kind of people? MARK: Merchants, people who had things the cult wanted and they wanted to take, and they said it was rightfully theirs. But I’ve learned that it’s not anymore. And yeah, I helped them do that. That’s why I want to stop these bowls. I want to stop them doing this to other people. LAURA: They are super evil bowls? MARK: I don’t think so. I think they’re like magically minor, like a little bit magic, but as long as they’re not used by the wrong people they should be fine. ASHLEY: What do you plan to do with the bowl once you get it? MARK: Destroy it if I can. Take it and hide it somewhere that they can’t find it. They raised me, and I learned a lot, and I know what they’re capable of and I feel responsible for the things I helped them do. So I feel like it’s my responsibility to stop them. ASHLEY: How was the bowl used in the ritual? MARK: It’s not one I was familiar with, but I just know that it’s part of a set. There’s six of them, I think. Different things that they all use. MARISHA: Are you trying to look for all six of them? MARK: If I can, but they’re hard to find. The cult works in shadows, they keep themselves really secretive. I wasn’t allowed outside of our temple where I was raised. They gave me everything I wanted, but I wasn’t allowed outside, so I guess I can be a bit naive about a few things. LAURA: I don’t think being stuck inside makes you naive. I mean, I know some people that were stuck inside that know lots of things. MARK: Really? I hope that I can meet them. I feel like I need to learn a lot more, you know? So many people treat me– I ask if I can trust them, they say yes, and then they trick me. Or they use me to do bad things. LAURA: That’s not okay. MARK: I know, right! LIAM: She’s talking about herself. TRAVIS: Cali, do you plan to go back to Port Damali after this if you’re successful? MARK: Maybe, yeah. I’ll try and get away, I guess. I’ve got a friend there, a legionnaire. He rescued me. He’s a dwarf called Grim. I’m sure he’d help me find a secure place for the artifact. I don’t know. Yeah. I guess I’ll try and find somewhere to hide them and keep on trying to stop these guys. TRAVIS: Absolutely. Well, let’s try our luck. LIAM: It seems like a very large task for one person. MATT: At this point, Nott has completed quite a thorough sweep of the vicinity as you move forward. No traps. You do notice, as you head into this next open clearing, there’s thick patches of vines and roots that descend into a circular space that is awash with swamp water and general bog rot that is floating over the surface, like a moat has formed naturally around this giant banyan tree about 30 or 40 feet across from side to side. It is gargantuan. The roots rise up, and merge at different places where the tree itself begins to expand about ten feet up before it reaches out and curves and carves into the earth before disappearing beneath the water, the still, awful swamp water that surrounds it. You also see, across the front of its trunk in the vicinity, at least the bits where the sunlight comes through from the rather choked boughs above that are shading the area quite heavily, six more bodies tied to branches and roots with rope and vine. Their bodies covered with similar wounds as the ones you inspected before. Some are slumped against the base of the roots. Some are held up and vines wrapped around them and they are stapled at an angle onto the sides of the tree. They’re all currently placed as a warning to either notify or fend off anyone who would wander too close. LAURA: I don’t think the fish people like the safe house being here. MARISHA: Maybe they want the safe house for themselves? LAURA: Maybe this tree is sacred and it was being used as a safe house and that’s not okay. TRAVIS: Certainly not welcome. TALIESIN: Would have been used as a safe house for awhile I imagine, though. LIAM: The tree is not giving off anything, no? MATT: Nope. LAURA: Cali, can you make this water around the tree go away? MARK: Yeah, actually, I think I should be able to do something about that. I’ll Shape Water and I can push it around in a five foot cube, so I can part it a little bit. Or I can turn it clear as well. MATT: You can part areas of it, but it’s about 15 feet across, as far as the width of it and it changes in width depending on which place on the tree you head. It is, essentially, a waist-deep area of water. So you could move with it and– MARK: Can I shallow it and disperse it, so it still has water, but it shrink it down five feet so it’s not as deep to walk through? MATT: You can bring it to just past knee height within a very localized area to you. MARK: That’s about the best I can do Jester, I’m sorry. LAURA: Oh, no, that’s really impressive. SAM: I feel like Caleb could have done it. LAURA: Caleb, can you do that, too? LIAM: No. I do not know how to do it. LAURA: He can’t do it, Nott. SAM: He’s being modest. He could do it. LIAM: Nott, I have limitations. I can do many things like you– SAM: Bren! LAURA: Should we try to go towards the tree? Towards all the dead bodies? TRAVIS: Is the water around the tree in a circle, like it pans out from around the side? MATT: Kind of. There’s a big clearing around this tree. It’s natural for the most part, but it looks like this area is centered around the tree. MARISHA: Do I see anything like landmarks or anything out of place surrounding the tree? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Is the water up to our waist now? MATT: Well no, you haven’t submerged in the water yet. But it looks about waist high as you lower the water level. MARISHA: It’s all right. 14. MATT: You do glance up and see a band of teal fabric tied around one of the branches or the edges of the roots at the top part about ten feet up that has been weathered and dirtied from just being there for a long time. A lot of the color has faded. But you just barely pick out its location. MARISHA: It’s just one little ribbon? MATT: It looks like it might have been a bandana that was wrapped and tied around a root above. MARISHA: I’m going to see if I can climb the tree and get to it. MATT: Okay. So you wade through the water. TRAVIS: I’ll go with her, just to accompany. TALIESIN: Nott, do you want to walk on top of the water for a bit and keep an eye for anything underneath the surface? SAM: Well, what if something grabs me from under the surface? TALIESIN: Well, what if something grabs you from the shore? Like a troll. TRAVIS: Or when, if someone grabs you from the shore. SAM: All right, I’ll walk around. MARK: Is Nott a nickname for Bren? TALIESIN: Yes. MARK: That makes a lot more sense because you keep calling her Nott and I just didn’t get it. MARISHA: Sometimes we call her Nott Bren. Yeah. MARK: Okay. I mean, sure. TALIESIN: We were drunk at the time, it just sort of happened. LIAM: She’s as small as a tree knot, you know, so– cute. MARK: Oh, well Nott, if I’m allowed to call you that– SAM: Sure. MARK: I can make the water clear so that you can see if there’s anything that could grab you. SAM: Oh! MARISHA: What was that thing you said about honesty earlier? I can’t remember. LIAM: You don’t know any of the fact that I almost killed you, Marisha Ray. MARISHA: I’m talking about before you almost killed me when you had that great quote about honesty earlier. MATT: Beau, make an athletics check to try and climb the tree. LIAM: Yeah, what I was trying to do for us? TRAVIS: Easiest to remember. LIAM and LAURA: Yeah. MARK: My wisdom is eight so I can’t pick up on any of this. MATT: Athletics. To climb the tree. LAURA: Huh? Damn. MARISHA: Eight. MATT: It takes a while to even get close, but the general moisture in the air makes it slick and you keep slipping down the side. SAM: What’s up there? MARISHA: Can I have Fjord give me a boost? SAM: What’s up there? MATT: You can try. Roll– TRAVIS: There’s a teal piece of fabric that’s tied up on a branch. MATT: A tiny piece of teal fabric tied– SAM: How far up? MATT: Eight to ten feet up. SAM: I’ll just reach it with my Mage Hand. MATT: (popping noise) Do you untie it? SAM: Yeah. MATT: Okay. You pull it and you bring it down. It’s an old, starched, weathered bandana. TALIESIN: Why don’t you try pulling on the branch that it was tied to? SAM: All right. TRAVIS: How deep is the water without the water being dispersed? Near the base of the tree. MATT: About three feet. TALIESIN: The water is now crystal clear, by the way. MATT: Oh yeah, so now the water’s clear and you can see below there’s thick sediment, muck, a few bones of some wayward creature that long has been left to rot beneath the water but there’s nothing living in there aside from toads, tadpoles, other small slithering natural creatures that call the swamp home. MARK: I will lower it, now that I’ve seen it’s clear, and I’ll say: Well, I’m happy to step in first. You guys were kind enough to bring me, I’m happy to step through and make sure it’s okay. I’ll start. MATT: Okay, so you make your way through, catching up to Beau and Fjord who are at the base of the tree. You get up to the base of the tree now. The rest of you guys follow suit? LAURA: Yes. MATT: You all cross past the water path. You’re now at the base of the tree. You, Nott, have the strange teal faded scarf now in your grasp. SAM: It’s just a scarf? MATT: Yeah. MARISHA: Nothing else has happened? SAM: You want me to pull on the branch? TALIESIN: Pull on the branch that it was tied to. ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe it’ll open something. SAM: I’ll pull on that branch. TRAVIS: Oh jeez. SAM: Vigorously pull on it! LIAM: Maybe there’s two branches. MATT: The gif machine. SAM: Huh? MATT: The gif machine, Sam Riegel. SAM: (strained yelling) MATT: Oh god. The branch itself is pretty sturdy. The portions of the tree here do not bend very much and it doesn’t seem to react. The strength of the Mage Hand isn’t very strong. LAURA: Are there any knots on the tree? Like underneath where the ribbon was? MATT: Make an investigation check. TALIESIN: What? Where did that even go? LAURA: It’s right here. TALIESIN: Oh. LAURA: 12. MATT: 12? Yeah. You glance around and as you were placing your hands against part of it some of it shifts, it wobbles. Now getting a glance, there’s a piece of weathered driftwood or separate wood that has been pressed up and tucked behind some of the roots to look like it’s part of the tree. But it’s a little bit of a different texture, a different type of wood and as you press on it, it wiggles. You shift it– TALIESIN: Traps! LAURA: Check for traps, Nott. SAM: All right. MARK: Truly blessed with such wisdom. SAM: I will check for traps. MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: 16? 16. MATT: 16. It does not appear to be trapped. LAURA: I’m going to move it then. SAM: Great. MATT: You wiggle it out, pull it free and now you can see about a four-foot carved hollow in the tree that leads to a dark, lightless interior. SAM: You did it! LAURA: Well, you and Beau and me did it. SAM: But you did it. LAURA: Aww. SAM: With my help. LAURA: Right. TRAVIS: Nicely done. Who’s first? MARISHA: I almost died today, motherfuckers, I almost died. TALIESIN: Do you want to throw some light in here? SAM: That was Caleb’s fault. MARISHA: That was Caleb’s fault, exactly, and I can’t remember the thing he said about honesty and remembering. LIAM: This is all meta conversation. You guys have no idea that Liam almost used the wrong spell. Caleb was on point. MARK: I can go first and summon some light. LAURA: You can do light? MARK: Yeah. SAM: Yeah, Caleb can do light too; it’s not the greatest. TRAVIS: Wait, let’s just hold on. I’ll go in with darkvision without setting off any lights that might herald them. LAURA: What if there’s traps on the inside, though? TRAVIS: Then I’ll get hurt. MARK: Matt, I’ll cast Light still behind these guys, but it comes out of her draconic eye. She brushes her hair to the side and she has a yellow draconic eye on her left side. MATT: All right. It glows like a torchlight in the vicinity. LAURA: Cali, you’re so cool. MARK: Thanks, Jester! You’re so cute. I love it. LAURA: Thank you! I love you. MARK: Aww! MATT: As you step inside, Fjord, you notice a fairly well-cleared interior that smells of marsh water and lamp oil. Glancing about, there are two hooks on the wall that have been jammed in that carry the top part of some sort of oil lantern that has been shattered against the wall. The glass itself is broken. The metal is bent and you now can see there’s some soaked lamp oil that has fallen from those impacts that has hit the ground on the wall nearby and is offering that additional smell to the room. The floor is somewhat soggy with moss and bits of sand and gravel as well as the occasional heavy root that breaks through the surface of that soft floor. There are some pieces of broken wood slats, but besides that, the chamber appears to be empty. TRAVIS: I don’t see anything inside here. Looks like there was a broken lamp, so careful with fire. MARK: There’s got to be more here, right? This can’t be it. TRAVIS: Yeah. I’ll push in a little bit more. MATT: Okay. You’re now stepping into the chamber. The chamber’s about 30 feet wide. It’s just round. TRAVIS: Looking up? MATT: You look up. The ceiling’s about 12 feet tall and there’s some hanging roots that are dangling from the top. It looks like it’s been carved away maybe. MARISHA: Does it feel like it’s bigger on the inside? MATT: No. It matches the size. It’s probably about two feet to three feet of thickness of the actual tree trunk and the interior’s hollow. TRAVIS: Do I notice any furniture, articles, clothing? MATT: No. Make an investigation check if you want to. LAURA: Are there any trap doors on the floor? TRAVIS: 17. MATT: Okay. A couple things. Though you don’t have a sense of color– are you the only one in the chamber right now? TRAVIS: I believe Cali. ASHLEY: I was behind. TALIESIN: Yeah, we’re in there as well. MATT: You went in there as well? MARK: Yeah, to give them light. MATT: Right. The rest of you guys step into the chamber and the light comes in. What you failed to see because it was a change of color becomes immediately apparent. There are scattered splashes of blood across areas of the walls inside. They’re dried, but dried enough to the point where they haven’t gone completely black and then disintegrated. So this is relatively recent, weeks maybe. As you guys are inspecting the space, there are certain gashes against– it looks like there was definitely a fight and scuffle. The soft ground here has signs of turbulent movement as well as a number of smeared grooves in the ground that snake and spiral about. LIAM: Are there any immediate threats in there, Fjord? TRAVIS: Not that I can see. MATT: Fjord, as you’re glancing about answering this question, you look down on the far north corner of it and where some of the roots have gathered and come down, there’s one space where you don’t see the wall of the tree behind it. As you move the root out of the way, there is an actual hole about two and a half feet wide that descends below the tree. TRAVIS: Not any danger in the chamber, but it looks like there’s more to this room. MARK: Does it look like they were dragging bodies down there? The blood streaks and stuff. TRAVIS: Could’ve been. MARK: Do they lead there? MARISHA: Yeah, do the tracks lead to the hole? MATT: There are some spatters of blood and there are some things that give the sign of being pulled on as well as pieces and shards of wood, including bits of porcelain, some object that had shattered and broken. Looks like whatever may have been within this chamber at some point, a lot of it’s been brought down there. TRAVIS: Nott Bren, you’re up. SAM: I’ve got to go down there? TRAVIS: Yep. By yourself. LAURA: That’s where the fish people live! Are there fish scales on the ground? MARK: Do you need light? MATT: Make an investigation check. SAM: That would help. TALIESIN: I’ll help with this one. Smelling the air for fishy. Oh, doesn’t matter anyway. LAURA: 17. MATT: You do manage to pull through. You do see a small piece of thick scaled hide that was carved off, probably as part of a scuffle. LAURA: Fish skin! MATT: It’s pretty tough. LAURA: It’s tough. MATT: It’s salty. LAURA: It’s kind of salty. MARISHA: Tuna? Salmon? LAURA: Smells like fish. TRAVIS: Brackish flesh? LAURA: I’m going to put it in my bag. TRAVIS: Gross. MARISHA: Before we go down or as these guys go down, can I take a lap and look at the bodies on the outside and see if I recognize any of them? MATT: Recognize any of the bodies? MARISHA: The six bodies. LIAM: Outside. MATT: Okay. Glancing past and taking a look; there’s nobody that you’ve seen before that is amongst this crew. They all appear to be darkly dressed, generally to keep out of sight. You do see two of the members there that have an accumulation of neck tattoos. You’ve seen the ones back in Zadash that were almost full bands of designs. These individuals have only sections of it. You start getting the idea that the more they’ve worked with whatever organization that work this is, the more completion they’ve had of certain jobs depending on what the job is, a certain type of individual acquires tattoos as a sign of how long they’ve been there and how successful they’ve been. MARISHA: That’s cool. Okay. So they all seem like smugglers? MATT: At one point possibly. MARISHA: Can I do a quick round of their pockets? MATT: Investigation check. MARISHA: Okay. Just real quick! MATT: With disadvantage, because it’s quick. LIAM: –and puts light up in the tree out there with her. MATT: What’s that? LIAM: I’m outside with her and I’m casting Dancing Lights into the trees so that she can see better. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: 13. MATT: 13. You manage to scrape away about 17 gold pieces and five silver pieces. MARISHA: I’ll take that. MATT: Before, as you pull off of it, you watch as the lower half of the body sloughs off the torso and you back away. MARISHA: Sorry. MATT: The smell is awful, as a lot of the interior gas of the bloated corpse escapes into this terrible sulfurous stench. SAM: Gross. MARISHA: Oh god. LIAM: Please, we have been around death plenty of times. Caleb throws up quietly into the water. TALIESIN: Do you go back and forth? TRAVIS: Well, only one place to go and that’s down. SAM: Wait! I’m just going to take a quick minute to stare into the eternal abyss of the dodecahedron. TRAVIS: Yeah, sure. LAURA: I just open up the bag so you can see it. SAM: Oh my god what is in there?! LAURA: We don’t let Cali see it. Sorry, Cali. MATT: Okay. You take a moment to focus and place your hand on this lightly thrumming device. Your vision is pulled into this universal space of stars and gas and distant existences you’ve never contemplated and there you see before you the pulsing light of possibility. You reach out a hand and grasp it and feel it enter your body and you’ve acquired your fragment of possibility. MARK: It doesn’t take much to distract Cali. You just point over there and she’s like– SAM: I’ll take a swig and go down the hole. MATT: The hole has chunks of rock and dirt as well as a very interwoven network of roots coming down from the tree, so it’s fairly easy to climb down. There is a little bit of that damp water and moisture that seeped into the chamber previously from just being near the swamp. It wasn’t a thick layer of water, maybe half an inch or so in the actual portions of the chamber and some of it is now heading down. As you’re climbing down carefully through this hole, you can feel it running down your back and it’s this cold swamp water. I need you to make an athletics check as you make your way down this chamber. SAM: Not great. Just a check? MATT: Yep. Just add your athletics. SAM: Seven. MATT: Seven. Okay. You begin to– (grunts) and you lose your grip and begin slide down like a slide. SAM: (whispers) Yes. (screams) MATT: (impact) You get about maybe 15 or so feet before the back of the slide leaves you. You have darkvision, so you see the interior of some sort of chamber in the ground rocketing towards you– SAM: I will throw out a feather and cast Feather Fall. MATT: Okay. And you gingerly land on your feet. No damage taken. And no noise made either. SAM: (breathing heavily) MATT: Looking around you, you see the inside of a natural rock chamber. You can hear in the distance a rummaging sound, some shifting over from around the corner. It seems like from where you’re landing the back is around you and then it curves to the left. You see a faint puddle before you lose vision and beyond that, you don’t see anything but you hear (shifting). SAM: Coming towards me or just moving? MATT: Just echoing around the side. SAM: Cool. MATT: You hear a (monster hissing). SAM: Oh god. MATT: Something clatter to the ground. What are the rest of you guys doing? TALIESIN: Do we hear the slip and the whoosh? MATT: I don’t think you heard anything, no. LAURA: We should send a message to Nott and see what she sees. MARK: What, Bren? MARISHA: Nott Bren, yeah. LIAM: Yeah, I can do that. MARK: Bren, are you down there? Hello? SAM: Are you sending a message? LIAM: Yeah, I am. I have just joined the group. How are you doing down there, what do you see? SAM: I will reply to that message. LIAM: With you and me, it goes back and forth. SAM: There’s a creature down here. I don’t want to make any noise. If you’re going to come down to join me, use a rope. LIAM: All right, we can do that. Just stay put, don’t go rushing in without us. Is it one or more than one? SAM: I don’t know. I’ll go rushing in and find out. LIAM: That’s the opposite of what I said! SAM: I’m going to gingerly creep around the corner. MATT: Make a stealth check for me, please. LIAM: It’s hard to resist sneaking in. LAURA: Let’s climb down. SAM: 15. MATT: You slowly make your way around the side. This chamber appears to be kidney shaped. It curves around the bend, and as you make your way around the chamber, at the outskirts of your darkvision, you begin to make out three shapes. Humanoid torsos with long fins that extend from where the elbows are, patchwork leather and bronze armor pieces, as well as hints of shell jewelry and bone. You can see one face as you peek around the edge, and you can see this large, toothy underbite, with this square jaw where these four tendrils kind of dangle from the tip of its chin. A single fin curves over the top of its head. No nose, but two gleaming eyes that refract. What little bit of light coming into the chamber from something out of the visual range is giving off a faint glow. The lower half of its body is a long fish tail. It looks like that a nightmare-ish merman would look like. It sits there clutching some sort of long harpoon-like pike with a hook on the end of it. SAM: Are they waiting, are they talking, what are they doing? MATT: They’re talking amongst themselves, and you hear some sort of tearing sound, you peek around a little further, and you can see a creature has been dragged down here. A familiar one. A thick, leathery-scaled body of a crocodile of some kind. Not a large one, but a regular sized crocodile has been dragged down here, and all three of them are in the process of feasting on its body. They’re tearing into its flesh, and talking amongst themselves in a language you don’t understand. Around the base of them, you see broken crates and a few odds and ends are resting on the ground, loosely discarded. SAM: Any other entrances or exits? MATT: From what you can see? You’re kind of peeking around the corner, you cannot see the opposite end of where this curvature is without possibly revealing yourself. LIAM: It has been a while, what would you like us to do? SAM: Anywhere else to hide, or something to hide behind? MATT: Around that way? Not terribly. There are a few outcropping walls, and at this point I would say I could probably give you a visual. LIAM: Already? TRAVIS: I like what I’m hearing! Shark fins and shit?! I’m a happy camper. SAM: While you’re setting the stage, I’ll message back up to them. MARISHA: Oh, what is that, what are they riding? They’re riding like watery penises. MATT: Nott, you’re right there, curving around the side. SAM: Did I come down right where I am? MATT: You landed right here and then made your way around. This is where it drops you into the middle of the chamber. SAM: Got it. I’ll radio back up to the top and say: There are three mermen down here with dangerous weapons. I am very outnumbered. Please come quickly, you can reply to this message. LIAM: Yeah, we’ve established that. Stay put, don’t move. SAM: I’ll cast Mage Hand and take a ball bearing across the way, but not dropping it, just holding it in place, just in case. MATT: Okay. So who’s going down? LIAM: I drop Frumpkin down the shoot. SAM: Oh Jesus, he’s going to die! LIAM: No, he’s not. LAURA: That’s not a long fall for a cat. TRAVIS: We’re going to find out how far. MARISHA: Not within like 50 feet. LIAM: Yes, they can. MATT: Yeah they can, most of them. Make an acrobatics check for me. LAURA: Can we start tying a rope off upstairs and drop it down? MATT: Sure. LIAM: My acrobatics or the cat’s? MATT: The cat’s acrobatics. LIAM: Oh great, hold on, I’ve got that pulled up right here, hold on. MARISHA: Are you going to land on your feet for the cat? LIAM: 16. MATT: Frumpkin lands. LAURA: We’ve tied our ropes together and we’re going to go down. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: Double knot. MATT: Double knot? All right. MARISHA: I can go down first and make sure it’s secure on the other end. SAM: Sailors’ knot. MATT: All right. You make your way down the rope. Eventually you get to the bottom. It does dangle and the edge of the rope does, basically, end about a foot or two above where the ground is. So you just manage to catch the bottom. So put how many ropes together? Two 50 feet ropes? Oh, so no. It’s actually coiled at the bottom. Total, it’s about a 60-foot way down. You manage to make you way down without an issue. MARISHA: Yeah, I help anyone else down. MATT: Okay. So with the rope and everything, aiding you down here, it’s easy enough for you all to make your way into this area. SAM: Oh boy, they have all of us all crammed up in this little space. LAURA: What else are we going to do? TALIESIN: I’m going to point out, we can’t retreat. LAURA: Why? MATT: Kiri’s coming down with you? SAM: No, wait. We’re not bringing Kiri down, are we? Are you guys bringing Kiri down? LIAM: I don’t know. SAM: Oh my god. LAURA: We can’t leave Kiri up there. Who knows what’s up there? MATT: Are you guys having this conversation? TALIESIN: No. LAURA: We had it upstairs. Kiri! MATT: (chirping) LAURA: (shushing) Sit in this corner. MATT: (like Cali) “I killed people.” LAURA: (shushing) No. Sit in the corner, Kiri, right here. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Don’t move unless something chases you. MATT: (like Jester) “Don’t move unless something chases you.” LAURA: Right. MATT: (like Jester) “Right.” ASHLEY: What if she dies? MATT: Holds the dagger in front of her. TALIESIN: She’s upstairs. LAURA: She’s down here with us. ASHLEY: She’s down here with us, in the corner? LAURA: Right. MATT: Yeah, so Kiri is going to go ahead and duck into this corner, here. ASHLEY: She’s better not die. LIAM: Oh, wait. Kiri is down here with us in the corner? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All right, what are you guys doing? LAURA: Let’s kill the fish people. MARISHA: Okay, we’re going to go. We’re doing this. MARK: Do you want me to start this explosively? LAURA: Yeah! MARISHA: I mean. MARK: I mean, I’m asking. TRAVIS: It is kind of enclosed. LIAM: Well, I think that’s a great idea, but we should also send Bren with you, and if you guys could go simultaneous, like. Maybe if Bren hit one of them, and then you follow right away. MARK: Ooh! It might manage the goods that Bren told us about that are around the corner. Like all the crates and stuff. I mean, my bowls should be okay, but are you here for something? LIAM: Sometimes I’m able to focus just shy of what I’m trying to target. MARK: Oh, it’s a pretty tight space around there, I’m not sure! I could try. MARISHA: If your bowls are magical, though, they should survive, right? MARK: Yeah, I know. They should be fine, but I mean for you guys, what do you want? LAURA: What if we all jump out at the same time and scream and attack at the same time. TRAVIS: I like that idea. MARISHA: Yeah, let’s ambush. LAURA: Like three, two, one. MARISHA: (quiet yell) Yeah. LIAM: I still think that these two would be good to lead that charge. MARISHA: Give the explosive things– LAURA: We shouldn’t do explosive because– MATT: Nott, you’re watching. SAM: Uh-oh. Something’s happening. MATT: You hear the splashing of water and out from the side, another one emerges from this side pool. It (speaking in Aquan). The other one (speaking in Aquan). It turns around and splashes back into this little pool and vanishes below the surface. SAM: Is there anyway to freeze the water or get rid of the water? MARISHA: Yeah, dry up the water! LIAM: Are they still talking? MATT: Briefly chatting, but in the process of eating, more than anything. MARK: I think I could freeze about five-foot, that’s the amount I can do. SAM: There’s a pool in the back there. That’s where they entered and exited from. MATT: It’s about ten square feet. MARK: I can freeze half of it. It’s oddly specific how much I can freeze. LIAM: Does anyone want to try to talk to these things, or are we just (cutting)? MARK: They look like murderous fish men. TRAVIS: We’re good to fuck them up, I think. MARK: We could try! TRAVIS: No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. LIAM: I like how that sounds. (like Cali) Murderous fish men. MARK: Murderous fish men! LIAM: I love it. MARK: Have any of you seen Thor: Ragnarok? MARISHA: Yeah! I was going to say, you sound like them, I love it! TRAVIS: I could blind them. SAM: Don’t you speak fish? TRAVIS: What? SAM: You’re half fish! MARK: You’re half fish? TRAVIS: I’m not half fish, I’m half-orc! SAM: He was born underwater! TRAVIS: That is actually not true at all. Nott, not at all. SAM: What is the other half? ASHLEY: You’re half-orc, but what’s the other half? TRAVIS: Half-human, I’d assume. MARISHA and ASHLEY: You assume. LIAM: We’re glossing over it, but we’ve seen you vomit sea water twice. TRAVIS: Once. LAURA: Is this really the moment to talk about this? MARK: Jester’s really smart! ASHLEY: Right now’s the moment. TRAVIS: Right now? SAM: Quick, tell us your backstory! MARISHA: You know how under pressure, you can discover hidden talent? Maybe if you do this, you’ll be like: Oh, I never knew this fishman side of me! MATT: Everyone make a stealth check. LAURA: Oh, jeez. We’re losing our ambush, y'all. SAM: Someone create a distraction! We’ll pop out and kill it. ASHLEY: I rolled a six. MATT: What was the number you rolled? ASHLEY: It was a four. MATT: Okay, so that’s six. TALIESIN: 15. I’ve already activated a sword. LAURA: Ten. SAM: 15. MARK: 14. LIAM: Drei. MARISHA: 18. TRAVIS: 13. SAM: Okay, average, average. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: As they’re all eating, and Nott, you’re paying attention, one goes, (inquisitive growl, garbled speech) SAM: Three, two, one, go! (yelling) SAM: I’m going to Mage Hand throw the ball bearing first, just as a signal to go. On the three-two-one. LAURA: And then we jump out. MATT: All right. So you throw the ball bearings, and then everyone rolls initiative. You lost the surprise round, unfortunately. You were spending too much time talking. ASHLEY: We’re trying to get backstory! SAM: Half-carp, half-orc. Orcarp. Carporc? Corpor. MATT: 25 to 20, anybody? MARISHA: I’m– wait, 25 to 20? No. LAURA: Nobody? Nobody, huh? MATT: 20 to 15. TRAVIS: 18. MARISHA: 19. TALIESIN: 16. MATT: Okay, so we have Beau, Fjord– what did you get? 18. And then Molly at 16. 15 to ten? LIAM: Zehn. SAM: Ten. ASHLEY: 13. SAM: Wow, Ashley! LIAM: Yasha, and then Nott and Caleb are equal. MATT: And then, what was it, Caleb and Nott? LIAM: Caleb and Nott got ten, ten. MATT: All right. Ten to five? LAURA: Six. MARK: Six. Six twins. MATT: Jester and Cali. ASHLEY: Wait, does Kiri get a turn? MATT: No, Kiri’s staying in the back. All right, that’s everybody. Top of the round, as all three of them have spun around, apparently aware that something is lurking in this area of it. SAM: It still doesn’t see us, right? LIAM: For six seconds. MATT: No, but it’s not an ambush round. So. Top of the round is Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Can I hold my turn until Fjord goes? MATT: You can’t hold your turn. You can hold an action. TRAVIS: Do what you’re going to do. MATT: All the bad stealth checks were– LIAM: Big three. ASHLEY: Big six. LAURA: I got ten. MATT: Ten, right. Okay, got it. ASHLEY: We die first. LIAM: Scheisse. MARISHA: Can I move into place and then hold my action until Fjord goes? MATT: Depending on what your action trigger is, yeah. MARISHA: I want to attack after he attacks, after he casts a spell. Can I move in this corner as far as I can– MATT: Over here, next to Nott? MARISHA: Yeah, I’m going to stealth– yeah. MATT: Yeah, you can do that. MARISHA: Stealthing as fuck. MATT: Okay. And you’re holding your action in case Fjord attacks something. MARISHA: I’m going to hold my shurikens. MATT: Okay. So as you’re pulling back with that, Fjord? TRAVIS: I’m going to run around the corner. Give me that right over here. Yeah, so I can see all three of them, at least. MATT: All right. Well, you’re going to be out in the open. Just so you’re aware. All right. So you move over here. You can now see all three right there. TRAVIS: 'Sup, fish-fucks! (laughter) MATT: Yeah, that’s as far as you can move there. They all turn, (growls). You see some of them holding what looks to be these large harpoon-trident things that are hooked on the end and they have some sort of thick cabling of some kind attached to the end of it. TRAVIS: Aren’t y'all pretty? I look. In the space in between them, I see this ripple start to form, and I reach out with my hand, and I’ll grasp at the space and tear a rip in reality, and I’ll cast Hunger of Hadar, ripping this 20-foot dome on the ground. MATT: 20-foot radius? Where do you want to place it? TRAVIS: I’ll put it right here, so it’s– Actually? No, I’ll stick it right here. Yeah, because it halves it, makes it difficult terrain, so let’s put it right there. Ish. MATT: You got it. So you watch suddenly as the back end of that chamber– well, for those who can see, which Caleb currently– it’s mostly dark except for that faint, faint glow around the corner that you don’t see the source. There’s no light in here. That light goes out. You are blind at the moment, because what little bit of light there is has been consumed by this sphere of darkness that Fjord has summoned on the opposite side of the chamber. You watch as reality tears open in that space, and you see these strange, black-purple otherworldly tentacles whip out from the outside of it, and you hear this horrible slithering sound within the center of that chamber, with this faint underlying of whispers and chanting. LAURA: Oh, shit. MATT: Does that do immediate damage, or only on their turn? TRAVIS: Only if they start in it, or if they end their turn in it. Two different types of damage. MATT: Cool, all right. So that ends your turn, there. Molly, you’re up. MARISHA: No, it’s me. I get to go first. Can I pop around the corner? MATT: Let me see here, real fast, about the Hunger of Hadar spell. MARISHA: I have my goggles on, by the by. MATT: All right. So you cannot see anything. You have your goggles on– MARISHA: –but I still can’t see? TRAVIS: Well, actually, it says the void is filled with a cacophony of soft whispers. No light, magical, or otherwise, can illuminate the area of the 20-foot sphere– MATT: Correct. But you have Darkvision. TRAVIS: It’s just within the sphere they’re blind. MATT: Correct. So I’ll say you can see where they are, but it’s a little obscured, so. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to pop out. Can I pop out? Am I able to do that? MATT: You are. Well no, I’m sorry, you cannot move. You did your move, so you have to have an action, so you can only attack that one that you can see there. MARISHA: Okay, I will throw two. MATT: Okay. They’re at disadvantage, because it’s beyond your 20-foot initial range. MARISHA: First one? Man. I’ll take that 12, though, for an 18 to hit? MATT: That does hit, yeah. MARISHA: And that’s– sorry. Seven damage on that one. And then second one… ooh, those are double fours, which I don’t believe hit. MATT: Nope. Disappears into the darkness. MARISHA: And then I’m going to take a ki point and cast– I almost called it Uncanny Dodge. MATT: You had to do that on your turn. You’ve only got an action you were holding. Sorry. MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: How high’s the ceiling here? MATT: It’s about ten, 11 feet. It’s not very high. MARISHA: I would have had to have said it earlier, which I didn’t know. MATT: All right, that ends Fjord and Beau’s turn. Molly? TALIESIN: Where am I? Let’s see. I’m over there? I’m going to run as far as I can go towards Fjord, and then I’m going to spend the rest of my action running across and get into that little alcove. MATT: This one over here? TALIESIN: No, the other side of it, I’m so sorry. LAURA: No, like behind that little– MATT: Oh, I see. There we go. TALIESIN: So positioning and ready for things to come. MATT: You still have a bonus, if you want to. TALIESIN: I’ve got nothing for my bonus. MATT: All right. Did you activate one of your scimitars? TALIESIN: One is activated, the other is not. MATT: Got it, cool. That ends your turn? It is now their turn. So, top of the round, they’re both in the space, so they take how much damage? TRAVIS: They take 2d6– MATT: 2d6 cold damage. TRAVIS: Each of them. Do I roll that? MATT: You do. So roll all at once. TRAVIS: Five, four. Nine points of damage each. Cold. (impacts) Tentacle beating! MATT: (laughs) You hear this strange slamming and slithering sound and hissing noises on the inside. All righty, so this one’s going to go ahead and move just to the edge there. LAURA: He’s dead, he’s dead! Too late. LIAM: That’s how it works. MATT: This guy gets to about there, actually, before he can move into the water. Right now, because they don’t have a huge movement on land. TRAVIS: And they’re in difficult terrain, so it’s halved. MATT: Exactly. So those guys are clustered there. That guy does manage to move– LAURA: Sweet, then they end their turn! TRAVIS: Yeah, you just send whatever you’ve got in the sphere. Trying to keep them in one spot. MATT: He’s going to continue slithering the rest of the way. (counting) I’ll say it gets him to about there. TRAVIS: At the end of their turns, they must succeed on a dexterity saving throw– MATT: Well, it’s not the end of their turn yet. TRAVIS: Oh, sorry. My fault. MATT: The two, while still blinded, saw you emerge. The one over on this end is going to go ahead and attempt to throw one of its harpoons in your direction. It’s blinded, so it has disadvantage on the attack. MARISHA: Do it! MATT: With disadvantage, that’s a 16. What’s your armor class? TRAVIS: 17. MATT: Aw, slick! It shoots through and you deflect it with the shield and watch it spark off. The one behind it is going to throw as well. Natural one, yeah. It chucks the harpoon. Both of them land on the ground, and you hear them scrape as they’re pulled back to where they are. The one that is right there in front of you is going to throw another harpoon. It’s going to throw a harpoon at you. Still at disadvantage. That is a 20 to hit? TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: You suffer, as it jams and pierces into your abdomen, right past the armor, sticking a couple inches into your chest. You take 11 points of piercing damage and I need you to make a strength check. MARISHA: Don’t get dragged! TRAVIS: I have to make a constitution saving throw to keep the spell. Okay, strength save. Nine. MATT: Natural 20. You get dragged right up into its space right there. Make a constitution saving throw to see if you can maintain concentration on your spell. TRAVIS: What do I have to make? I forget. MATT: Make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: You have to roll under the spell damage. TRAVIS: 23. MATT: So you succeed that one. Now it’s pulled you in. It’s going to go ahead and make a bite attack against you, as it pulls you in. Its jaw opens up to strike you. That is an 18 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: Because you have 17 armor. You take seven points of piercing damage as it digs its jaws right into the front of your chest and shoulder area, biting down. Make another constitution saving throw. LAURA: Oh god! TRAVIS: Natural 20. MATT: You maintain concentration of the spell. Now, all three of them have to make a dexterity saving throw or receive the damage again. That is a fail, a fail, and a fail! Two, ten, and a three! TRAVIS: That is a six and a one, so seven points of acid damage. MATT: Nice! That ends their turn. That brings us to Yasha. ASHLEY: All right! How close can I get to this guy? MATT: 40. You can’t quite get up into his space. You’re ten feet away. ASHLEY: Shit. MATT: You can use an action to dash if you want to make the rest of the movement, but you won’t have an action on your turn. ASHLEY: I won’t have an action. TALIESIN: Have anything good on a bonus? ASHLEY: I can do the rage, but then it can go away. MATT: If you don’t take damage by the end of your next turn, then yeah. ASHLEY: Which is possible. MATT: Unless you move into the tentacle range. MARISHA: Tentacle range? LAURA: That’s what his spell is. MARISHA: Oh boy. Oh you? TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s a sphere of darkness with stars with milky tentacles whipping around. That’s what it says. ASHLEY: Can I hold my action? MATT: You can. You’re going to hold for what? ASHLEY: If he tries to fight or attack Fjord again, I could– that’s not going to work. Oh god. LAURA: Just within range? Until he’s in range? ASHLEY: Yeah. Until he gets in range. MATT: Okay. Holding your attack just in case it comes in range. That ends your turn, Yasha. Nott and Caleb, you’re up with Jester and Cali on deck. LIAM: You want me to go? Yeah, sure. I’m going to move forward until I can see– no, Frumpkin’s going to go first. I’m going to pull a Shakäste and use Frumpkin to help me see in here. MATT: Okay. LIAM: I have to ask you, as a DM, can my cat see in the dark? MATT: Does your cat have darkvision? LIAM: I don’t know, it doesn’t say. LAURA: No, remember? You looked at this before. LIAM: I don’t remember, but I know that my cats could see in the dark growing up. LAURA: But in the book it doesn’t have darkvision. We did this last– MATT: No, it does not. LIAM: I’m going to stumble forward in the dark. I’m going to say: Beau! MARISHA: Huh? LIAM: I cast Enlarge on Beauregard so that she’s ten and a half feet tall. MARK: Has it been an hour by the way? My Light spell still would be going so Caleb might be able to see the first area. MATT: The first area, but nothing beyond that space. LIAM: If that’s the case, then I wouldn’t go that far forward. I would stay as far away from danger as I can that as soon as I see Beauregard, cast Enlarge. MATT: You got it. Beau has swollen to an enlarged state. MARISHA: I’m so swole! LIAM: There’s Amazon women singing right now. MATT: Beau takes up this entire space now. LAURA: Damn, Beau’s big. MATT: At a ten-foot ceiling Beau, you suddenly crouch. You’re now hunched forward with the top of it grinding against the top of your head and shoulders. LIAM: You got to pull a Vega position. SAM: I’ll fire at the one near good old Fjord. Mr. Fjord. Aw fuck. 12. TALIESIN: Does that get advantage? SAM: Why would I have advantage? TALIESIN: Aren’t they in combo– wouldn’t that be sneak attack? MATT: If he hits, it’s sneak attack. He doesn’t get advantage, so it misses, unfortunately. SAM: I’ll shoot again. Slightly better. 14? MATT: 14 does hit. SAM: Does this one get sneak attack? MATT: It does, yes. SAM: Terrible. Nine. 13 plus I’ll take Fury of the Small, so that’s 18. MATT: 18 points of damage. All righty. That ends your turn? SAM: Then, can I get all the way to Mollymauk on my movement? MATT: Yeah, you can. Right over there. TALIESIN: Hi! SAM: Hi! Want some booze? TALIESIN: After! MATT: Jester and Cali. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to run over behind Frumpkin, in that little alcove. Actually, that’s a lie. I’m going to go next to Caleb. MATT: There? LAURA: Yeah, back a little bit. MATT: There you go. LAURA: Even more. Then I am going to cast Invoke Duplicity. I’m going to Invoke Duplicity! She’s going to run forward and stand next to Fjord! MATT: There you go. All righty. That’s your turn, Jester? LAURA: Yeah, because that’s my action. MARK: How far can Cali get into, full movement, close to– MATT: About 30, about there. MARK: About there. So I’ll move there. You watch as the draconic eye– she brushes the hair out of the way. She focuses on the one fighting Fjord, and a sickly green beam will shoot out of the eye, and I’m going to cast Ray of Sickness. MATT: All righty. MARK: This is an attack roll, a spell attack roll. 15? SAM: (singing) Sicker than a ray of light! MATT: 15 hits. MARISHA: Madonna, Ray of Light? Circa 2002? Jesus! MATT: Six? MARK: That’s a failure, so it takes nine poison damage and it’s poisoned until the end of my turn. MATT: Great. It’s poisoned until the end of your next turn. As the bolt hits it, the veins all of a sudden go dark on its torso where it impacts. MARK: Then as she starts as the combat’s going, she’s going to be like: Come on, let’s kill these things. You start seeing a little bit of– becomes a bit more draconic. MATT: Ending Cali’s turn. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Oh wait, after Jester? MATT: Jester went. She Invoked Duplicity. MARISHA: Oh, I’m sorry. So me. MATT: Enlarged Beau is crouching down. MARISHA: Can I get to the doucher? MATT: You can. MARISHA: (deep voice) Sorry, my voice is even deeper now! Sorry. MATT: This giant foot right next to you, Nott, as Beau’s large form almost stomps on you. MARISHA: 'Sup, Nott Bran? First attack. Okay. 16? MATT: 16, that hits. MARISHA: Second attack. Not good. 11? MATT: That misses. MARISHA: Okay. First attack. All right, ten damage. MATT: Ten damage with your staff. As you rush up, crouching low, you take the staff and jam it down into it. It looks back at you. It sees you looming by. As it pulls up its harpoon to try and defend, you jam the staff into its chest, shove it to the ground, under the water, and hear a crunch as you collapse its ribcage with the impact. MARISHA: Oh, is it dead?! MATT: It’s taken the brunt of your damage. TRAVIS: What happens to the harpoon and the cord sticking out of me? MATT: The harpoon fell out of the wound. It’s loose on the ground. There’s a pretty nice puncture wound through your armor and your body right there. TRAVIS: I appreciate it (pained sounds). MARISHA: You good? Okay. Good. Could I take the staff, and I pick it up with the fish still on it, and I’m like: It’s fish kebabs! SAM: That’s not a thing. MARISHA: It is today. That’s what’s on the menu. SAM: This is Paul! LIAM: 20 feet behind, you hear: This is all I wanted! MARISHA: Too many one-liners! Can I do something creative and take my staff with my fish on it, and fling it, and try and throw the fish cadaver at the other fish dudes? SAM: You’re casting? With bait? MATT: You sure can. So you take it, and you fling it into the darkness, and it (flopping). MARISHA: Oh come on, man. I can’t try to aim to attack– MATT: You’ve already used your action to do your attack. MARISHA: But I have a bonus action! MATT: Bonus action’s an unarmed strike, so this is a flavor, as you throw it into the darkness that they can’t see. You hear its body– MARISHA: You said I could use flavor for unarmed shit. MATT: You were, but there was nothing to hit that’s unarmed in your face. You do fling it in there, and you hear this horrible slurping sound as whatever– MARISHA: He told me to be flavorful! MATT: And you were. And whatever tear in reality that was opened by Fjord’s patron devours the corpse. It’s plucked out of the air and sucked through whatever small rip in reality had opened. LAURA: Still pretty cool, Beau, still pretty cool. MARISHA: So can I take my actual bonus action to do Patient Defense? MATT: Sure. All right, that ends your turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’m going to hug this wall if I can, back up a little bit, and I’m going to hold Eldritch Blast if I see them emerge from the darkness. MATT: Okay, that ends your turn. MARISHA: Did I have any more movement, by the by? MATT: You did have a little bit more, yeah. MARISHA: Could I have scooched up a bit? MATT: You could have, yeah. MARISHA: Just a scooch. TRAVIS: I’m scooching! MARISHA: Excuse me! MATT: You can scoot all the way up to here, if you want. MARISHA: I’ve got very long legs right now. MATT: You’re squat-moving your way through the cavern. MARK: A core stance is very good for your abs. MATT: Molly, what do you got? TALIESIN: There ain’t nothing for me to hit, so I’m going to slightly peek out around the corner, so that I can keep an eye on things, and I’m going to hold my attack for anything that comes within range. MATT: You got it. It’s now their turn. Top of the turn, they take 2d6 damage, so go ahead and roll that. TRAVIS: Two, three. Five points of cold damage. MATT: Got it. You hear (snarling) and (slurping) sound on the inside of this darkened sphere. This guy manages to get into the water and poke his way through, but just barely get his vision out. This guy’s going to come out as well and encounter Beau on that element. They’re both still inside. LAURA: They’re still inside the tentacles? TALIESIN: Yeah, the circle should be a little further forward, so yeah they’re just– MATT: They’re still inside. And another one arrives here, and can only move there. ASHLEY: We don’t know that. TALIESIN: Since he’s going to end his turn there. MATT: He will, yes. This one here is technically right in range of Fjord, and is going to unleash two strikes on you. Its claws and its melee bite. Actually, I could melee with a harpoon, so it’s going to attempt to harpoon you and bite you. Natural 20 on the harpoon, and then for the bite attack, that’s going to be a 23. TRAVIS: Yeah, they both. MATT: The harpoon is going to be 24 points of piercing damage as it jams right into your chest, pushing you against the wall. Go ahead and make a concentration check, if you don’t mind. You have to beat 12. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: It’s going to attempt to bite you in the face– The bite, it actually hit. That’s going to be a d8. That’s eight points of piercing damage. LAURA: What are you at, Fjord? TRAVIS: I don’t know, I can’t add this fast, my app’s breaking. MATT: Where did my dice go? There it is. No, the Snitch fell away, I need to keep it. LAURA: It touched the ground, that means it’s cursed now. MARISHA: It tried to run. MATT: It did. MARISHA: It did want to come home. MARK: Some treasures abandon their masters. (laughter) MATT: All righty, so make a second concentration check. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: 13’s fine, you maintain concentration. The other one that’s right next to Beau is going to attempt to also throw its harpoon at you, since it saw that you were the source of this. They’re trying to break the spell. TALIESIN: I’m going to go ahead and cast some bullshit on that. MATT: You were holding an attack. You’ll have to say that— TALIESIN: This is a reaction. I’m doing a Blood Maledict. The next two attacks are disadvantage. MATT: You’re amplifying it? TALIESIN: Yeah. MATT: Okay, go for it. So roll the damage, that’s disadvantage on that. TALIESIN: One point of damage. MATT: That’s a 17 to hit. What’s your armor class? TRAVIS: 17. MATT: 17. It still hits the first strike. The harpoon (crashing) into you. That’s going to be 12 points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: I go unconscious. I use my Relentless Endurance to pop back up to one. MARISHA: Upon seeing Fjord get super daze-y, can I use my Sentinel feat to crack this guy who just tried to attack? MATT: You can. While this is happening, roll a concentration check. TRAVIS: 19 plus all that. MATT: And make a strength check for me, please. TRAVIS: I’m super strong. Where the fuck is it? MATT: 19 on its side. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: You get dragged 20 feet through the water into range with it. Beau, you make your Sentinel Strike on it? MARISHA: Oh! MATT: Natural 20, nice. Go ahead and– MARISHA: That was awesome. Doubling the dice, that’s eight plus four, which is 12, plus another dice, that’s two. MATT: The dice of the enlarged is also doubled, too. MARISHA: That’s right. That’s two plus another four. Sorry, that’s two doubled which is four, so that’s 16 damage. MATT: 16 points of damage. Crack! MARISHA: As he grabs the chain, big Beau steps on the chain and cracks him right in the face. MATT: As it gets cracked, you watch as one of the teeth goes flying from the impact of your giant elbow hammer into its jaw. Using that momentum, it looks back, its eyes clenched down on Fjord, now almost prostrate before it, holding onto the harpoon, and goes for the face. This is with disadvantage, though. That’ll save you. It was a 17 and a two. It goes to bite you, and you manage to pull up your sword in the way and block it. Its jaws open and this terrible fishing breath smell cascades over your face. TRAVIS: It’s like a dock on a Tuesday morning. MARISHA: What happens on Monday nights? MATT: The one on the other end is blind, it hears all this noise happening, it’s going to make a wide shot with its harpoon in the direction of where it’s hearing all this conflict. LAURA: Hit one of its brothers! MATT: Disadvantage. 16 and 18, that still hits. Sorry, Fjord. You take– TRAVIS: At disadvantage? 16 doesn’t hit. MATT: No, those are the dice rolls that I was making. It was a 16 and a 19. So that’s nine points of piercing damage. TRAVIS: He’s throwing in the dark in the direction where two guys, and he’s threading them and hitting me? MATT: Yeah. You guys have done it before. TRAVIS: Fair enough. Unconscious I go. MARISHA: Fuck! MATT: And with that, Fjord goes down, and the spell fades. It closes off. They now have visual. MARISHA: But that’s all of their turns, right? MATT: This guy’s going to move. MARISHA: Except for that motherfucker. TALIESIN: Wait, didn’t he burn his whole turn just getting to where he was? MATT: No, that was his movement. That’s right, so he wouldn’t move. He went top of the round. Thank you for the reminder of that. But he used his action to throw that. So that’s all he has. That ends their go. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay, I’m going to move to the guy who’s been attacking my boy, Fjord. MATT: This one here? All right. In the water or on the side? ASHLEY: On the side. MATT: You got it. ASHLEY: I would like to rage. MATT: Going the full Yasha, angry. ASHLEY: Divine Fury, all the bits. MATT: Nott and Caleb, you’re up next. ASHLEY: Reckless. Okay, that hits. 19. MATT: 19 hits. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: So the first strike with the Divine, 3d6 plus seven. ASHLEY: Ooh. 20. MATT: 20 points of damage on the first strike as you carve across its torso, it hisses back, still standing, though. ASHLEY: Another– MATT: That’s 2d6 plus five. ASHLEY: All right, ten. 2d6 plus five? TALIESIN: What did you roll? ASHLEY: Wait, six plus what? MATT: Five. ASHLEY: 11. MATT: 11 points of damage? As the first blade strike carves down its body, it pulls back hissing, Fjord’s unconscious, sinking underwater with the harpoon still sticking out of his chest, as it’s leaning back at an angle as he vanishes into the dark liquid. As it pulls back, it yanks the harpoon from his body, and you see his body slightly lurch up out of the water before sinking again. It pulls it back to strike at you with it, and when you pull the blade back, you thrust it right into its chest, and the light goes out of its eyes. TALIESIN: Are you close enough to the bonus action– Can someone grab Fjord or is that not happening? ASHLEY: Can I as a bonus action– LIAM: That’s an action. TRAVIS: Don’t worry if I sink. LAURA: I’ll be able to fix him in a second. TRAVIS: I have that armor. MATT: That’s true, you have the armor on. He starts to sink, and the body buoys itself back to the top. MARISHA: Is it like a life vest? TRAVIS: It’s a life preserver, guys. MATT: It’s the Mariner’s armor that he had the enchantment put over. LAURA: That’s great. TRAVIS: Throw me a Bud Light. MATT: All righty, that ends Yasha’s turn. Nott and Caleb, you guys are up. LIAM: Caleb is going to walk behind Cali so he’s got a good view of merman over Fjord. I’m going to use the Glove of Blasting. First one is a natural one, so that does not hit. The second one is a natural 20. MATT: Against which one? LIAM: Against the one right over Fjord. So that is, Scheisse. SAM: Hey, Marisha. MARISHA: Yeah? SAM: Are you in melee with that thing? MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Ah, okay. LIAM: 12 total, since it was a crit. Is it still up? MATT: It is still up. As it bursts into it, the flames burn across its system, but its body is damp and slick anyway, so you see the dark black scorch marks, but nothing more than that. LIAM: And the third ray is not good, just a ten. MATT: Ten misses, unfortunately. Hits the ground behind it, or hits the wall, burns across, and vanishes across the rock. That finishes your go. Nott, you’re up. SAM: I will lean out, and is someone engaged with this one, where I would get sneak attack? MATT: Beau is. SAM: I will attack with a crossbow bolt. 24. MATT: That hits. SAM: Okay. Ooh, that’s all terrible. LAURA: Well, not all terrible. SAM: 15. MATT: All righty. As you fire this one, it manages to pierce right under its throat, and it turns back towards you and it grabs the harpoon off the ground. As it pulls it back, the blood’s gouting out of a major vein or artery in its throat. It tries to get the strength, and as it does, it pulls back and gets woozy, throws it, and it lands maybe two feet from where it grabs it, and with a horrible gurgle falls to the ground. It begins to slip and sink into the water. SAM: Shit. Can I use my bonus action to fire the other one? Why not? MATT: Disadvantage on this one, though. SAM: 15. MATT: 15 hits. SAM: That’s six points of damage. MATT: Nice! That ends Nott’s turn. Are you going to move? SAM: No, I will stay there and huddle closer to Mollymauk. Did you step out? TALIESIN: I did step out. SAM: No, I’m huddling away from Mollymauk. MATT: All right, Cali and Jester. LAURA: I’m going to send Duplicity me towards Fjord, and she’s in her illusion going to hug him and cast Cure Wounds. I will call from a distance going, “Don’t worry, Fjord, you’ll be okay!” I’ll cast it at level two. SAM: Aw, because Oskar? LAURA: So 11 points. MATT: You are conscious. (gasping) You look up and see the faintly illusory image of Jester holding you. TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. MARISHA: And then big me over top of her. TRAVIS: Oh god! MARISHA: Hi, Fjord! Good to see you alive. TRAVIS: What’s wrong with Beau?! LAURA: Then I’m going to use my bonus action to cast Spiritual Weapon right over top of the other fish man in the back there. ASHLEY: (singing) Lollipop, lollipop. MATT and ASHLEY: (singing) Oh lolly, lolly, lolly, lollipop. MATT: Pop! (singing) Roll that attack roll. LAURA: 14 plus something, so I think that hits. MATT: That hits. Its armor class is 13. LAURA: So that is 1d8 plus four. Force damage, so eight force damage. MATT: All righty. That ends Jester’s go. Cali. MARK: Cali is going to run up past Yasha and you see she’s like (growls) and shoves Yasha out of the way. I want to get as close as I possibly can. Am I within 15 feet there? MATT: You are. MARK: Okay. She stops for a moment and you see this green magic flow around. I’m going to cast Dragon’s Breath at 3rd-level on myself. Then she inhales. Acid breath, 15-foot cone over the creature. MATT: Yeah, 15-foot cone. MARISHA: I don’t know what you just did, but I am so into it. MATT: As the acid sprays out towards it, it covers the area. MARK: Dex saving throw. MATT: Dex saving throw for the merrow as it tries to avoid it. That is a natural three plus zero. That’s a failure. MARK: So that’s 4d6 damage. Oh, I was going to reroll some of this, but I’m not now. So that’s going to be 19 acid damage. MATT: Nice! As you finish spraying it down and all the flesh on the outside of its body is beginning to melt away and burn and bubble, it (growls). It’s pretty scarred from that immediate spray across the front part of its torso. MARK: (deep voice) Come on! Come and get me! MATT: You see the eye gleaming still with the Light spell. All right, that finishes your turn. Beau, top of the round, you. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to stride forward (large footsteps). LIAM: Careful of your head. TRAVIS: (thuds) Ugh! MARISHA: Ah, fuck! This is what Travis deals with all the time. Ow! Through Cali’s acid mist, I’m going to split the air and cut down and do a big slap right on its face. MATT: Okay. All right. As you go for the big sweep, your staff goes (scraping) (thud). MARISHA: I get a little bit of– MATT: Bits of rock and shale is being ground and falling all around you. MARISHA: It probably gets stuck a little bit, but then it gives me a nice little snap. MATT: Exactly, a little snap at the end. Roll for the attack. MARISHA: Okay, I’ll take that. That’s enough. 19. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. MARISHA: 20. 19. I don’t know. It’s enough. LIAM: 19. Add that d4, motherfucker! MARISHA: Okay, that’s nine plus– LIAM: Cocked. MARISHA: Ooh, 13. MATT: 13 points of damage. That’s the first strike. MARISHA: The second one, knowing I’m going to get stuck on the ceiling, I’m going to paddle back and come up and crack with the other end. MATT: Okay. As you spin it this way, it wedges itself from the floor to the ceiling and you have to like– boom! MARISHA: Damn it! TRAVIS: Mike Myers. MARISHA: Okay. 15? MATT: 15 hits. MARISHA: Plus seven plus– ten total. MATT: Ten points of damage. Whack! You crack into it and it hits into its torso. It looks like it’s bleeding out of its mouth onto its stomach. It looks really painfully hurt and its eyes are dashing around each way. It looks like it’s starting to turn its head towards the area where it emerged. MARISHA: I’m going to do flurry of blows. MATT: Okay, using a ki point. MARISHA: Flurry of Beaus. ASHLEY: Flurry of blows. TRAVIS: Flurry of Beaus. MARISHA: That’s not great. 12. MATT: 12 misses. MARISHA: Second one is even fucking worse. It’s a two. MATT: This time, as you try to punch, it manages to dodge the first one, and the second time you go to swing, one of the pieces of stone that had dislodged slightly from when you had impacted it falls and catches your fist in the middle of the air. It shatters and causes this cloud of dust to cross the creature but your hand fucking hurts! LIAM: Haha, good show! LAURA: Do you get one more hit? MATT: That’s it. End of Beau’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’ll use half my speed to stand upright. MATT: Back to there, yeah. TRAVIS: And I’ll unleash two Eldritch Blasts at that– MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: That’s a 26. MATT: That hits. TRAVIS: And that’s cocked. Reach for the sky! And an 18. MATT: Yeah, roll damage. TRAVIS: Six points of damage on the first one, and 14 points of damage on the second one. MATT: How do you want to do this? It’s turning around and slithering away. It’s about to dive back into the water and probably disappear into a subterranean tunnel that’s filled. TRAVIS: I stand up. I get to my feet. I touch the wound area and I fire it across the way. MATT: As you release your hand, both bolts arc outward and slam into it from the back. From the front perspective, it would look like Guyver, how he tears the chest and the beams come out, but instead it’s its internal organs being shoved out into the wall and there’s two open holes, Tombstone-style, before it hits the water and slithers and sinks down into the small tunnel. LIAM: (twangy singing) I got friends in eldritch places. LAURA: Wait, did you say it fell into the hole? MATT: The impact hit it and began (sucking). LAURA: Don’t let it go into the hole! MARK: We’re out of initiative? Or are we– MATT: We’re out of initiative at this point. MARK: Okay. I run up and with the clawed hand, she dives into try and grab this thing out of the pool. MATT: Sure. Make a dexterity saving throw to see if you can react quick enough. MARISHA: Can I assist for advantage? MATT: Sure. It’s less of a skill check. It’s more of a reactionary thing, so you wouldn’t be able to help with it. MARK: Five. MATT: Five? Okay, you’re trying to reach it, but it sunk too low. MARISHA: I’m going to take my staff and try the same thing. MATT: You’re hitting stone and then nothing, just water below. MARK: So when Beau’s doing that, she turns around and snaps at Beau. (rough voice) Get away from my stuff! That’s my kill! (normal voice) Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Sorry about that. TALIESIN: Hey, we’re all friends here. MARK: Yeah, I know. We are. TALIESIN: I cast Friends. MARK: Yeah, of course we are. Sorry. Sometimes, I just get really aggressive sometimes. I’m sorry. TALIESIN: I know. That was intense. There’s a lot in that. Are you going to be all right? MARK: Yeah, I just get really possessive about certain things sometimes. Dragon blood and all. Thank you for looking out for me. TALIESIN: You’re right. You’re going to feel a little weird in a few minutes. I apologize for that. It’s a thing. Let’s clear this water and let’s take a breather. Let’s sit down. LAURA: Let’s get this guy out of the tunnel in case somebody comes through the tunnel. I don’t want anyone to see him right away. MATT: Do you clear the water? MARK: Yeah. MATT: You do and you see that the tunnel curves below and evens out. It sunk, hit the bottom sediment, and dragged a little bit and came to rest about maybe 15 feet below the surface. You take a moment to dive under, grab it, and whether through a chain of hands or whatever, because it’s pretty heavy. It’s a large body, probably weighs close to 800 pounds. So you guys have to all together pull it up, and it takes a few moments to do so. But Jester’s pretty beefy. LAURA: Me and Yasha basically got it out. MATT: Between the two of you, you eventually get it up back into the chamber. LIAM: Roughly a minute later, I say: So you have been somewhat charmed by a circus carnie. It’s going to be okay. MATT: At which point the Friends spell ends, and you can feel an influence that was previously there over your personality. LIAM: You seemed a little angry. He didn’t mean anything by it. MARK: It’s fine. It’s fine. (deep breath) LIAM: Just trying to keep everything copacetic and in order. MARK: I know. Thank you, Mr. Caleb. Thank you. No, it’s fine. I do understand why. It’s fine. Thank you. TALIESIN: Thought you needed a minute of clarity. MARK: It’s fine. People normally react really worse when I go like that, so it’s fine. You guys didn’t beat me up. You didn’t try and kill me. It’s great. You guys are nice. Thank you. LIAM: I mean, you have a lot of scales on your face, but look at this one. Look at this one. Look at this one. TALIESIN: This one less so. TRAVIS: We can deal with tempers. LIAM: That one as well. MARK: You all look fantastic. She’s so cute as well. You’re really lucky. LAURA and SAM: Kiri? MARISHA: Is she all right? TALIESIN: I am keeping an eye on these pools, looking for any movement, by the way. MATT: Kiri comes around the corner with the dagger, sees you all standing there (chirping). LAURA: You did it. You killed them. MATT: Runs up to the body there and goes (dagger slice). (like Cali) “I killed people!” MARK: It’s like Chappie. Chappie be good. MATT: Stabs the body a few more times. SAM: That’s enough. TRAVIS: Somebody help me check these crates. MARK: Yeah, I’m going to start looking through as well. MATT: Okay, who’s helming the investigation? Okay, an individual has to helm it. LIAM: I’m going to investigate. MATT: All right. Caleb, you’re being aided, so make it with advantage. LIAM: Yeah, I’ve got a high stat in it. MARISHA: Hey, Cali. LIAM: Cocked. MARK: Yes, Ms. Beau? MATT: That wasn’t cocked, technically. LIAM: Well it was on a magnet, so it was stuck to a magnet. MATT: Oh, did it? Okay. Metal dice. LIAM: At advantage? We’ll call the first one, which was a three on a magnet, and the second roll was a 17 plus my eight is a 25. MATT: Okay. LAURA: It’s a light die. It’s not like a heavy one that wouldn’t be affected by the magnet. MARISHA: Oh, it does magnet. It does actually magnet. LIAM: I can do this for the future. TALIESIN: Have you not played with your Gil die yet? ASHLEY: Yeah, it totally sticks to it. LIAM: So 25. MATT: As you guys are rummaging through with Caleb helming this section, you’re going through a bunch of empty crates, partially destroyed crates. Pushing aside the mostly torn apart corpse of this crocodile and ignoring that. You manage to find a number of gold and silver pieces that have been scattered and lost and fallen into the sand. Digging through the natural gravel and sand floor of this chamber, you find that a lot of it has just been buried. They weren’t interested in gold pieces. They weren’t interested in money. A lot of that was left behind and scattered and has been covered. You take a moment to pull through and you manage to acquire 185 gold, 210 silver pieces, and 65 copper pieces. LAURA: 210 silver, you said? MATT: Correct. LIAM: Distribute that equally, however you would do that. LAURA: Okay. We’ll do some math. MATT: You find a bunch of jewelry, necklaces, and rings that are thrown about and lost. LAURA: Do you see any diamonds? Do you see 300 gold worth of diamonds? LIAM: I put a bunch of jewelry into Jester’s hands. MATT: Okay. All the jewelry together would come to about, just for purposes of resale, 250 gold worth of jewelry. There are no diamonds in there worth 300 gold, sorry. There are four sets of manacles. ALL: Manacles? MARISHA: People are going to suspect things of us. Trading in manacles all the time. These didn’t work! TALIESIN: The official currency of it. Nice manacles. MATT: The manacles are empty, though they are bloody. LAURA: You said four sets of manacles? MATT: Yes, four sets of bloody manacles. TRAVIS: Do they have any rune-ish markings on them or anything like that? MATT: No, these do not. These are plain manacles. TALIESIN: Are they humanoid sized? MATT: Roughly, yeah. There are a number of broken vials of some thick purple liquid, but two of them are not broken. You rolled really high on your investigation. So two vials of a thick purple liquid, roughly about that big. It’s a thick, oily substance. LIAM: I’d like to take these for a moment. Or maybe ten moments. MATT: Nott, you see one thing, helping Caleb out, and you pull it out. It looks to be a well-crafted marble bowl of gold inlay of a curious design. The edges of the bowl shift into five multiple dragon heads, equally separated and in each dragon, the eyes are tiny gemstones. One set’s rubies, one set’s emeralds, one set’s sapphires, one set’s diamond. SAM: I will try to conceal this from Cali. MATT: All righty, make a sleight of hand check. Cali, make a perception check. SAM: I will use my luck point. (gasping) MARISHA: You have luck? Oh, it was the– SAM: 28. MARK: Eight. (laughter) TRAVIS: We treat guests so well! MARK: That’s what Nott would do. Absolutely what Nott would do. MARISHA: You’re so mean. MARK: She’s just looking through the crates. MATT: Looking through frantically, you don’t see anything there. MARK: I’m sure it was here. LAURA: Really, people don’t like it when you do these things, Sam. SAM: I just have to confer with Caleb. MARISHA: So, Cali. I started a conversation earlier. MARK: Hey, Ms. Beau. MARISHA: Which might be why you got so distracted. You seem to have such an affinity for cute things. Is there a reason why you like cute things? I’m not saying that not all of us like cute things. We all love cute things, but you seem to really like cute things. MARK: I guess it’s just one of those things where– and she’s doing this as she’s going through the crates– I was a kid and I used to ask for dolls and pets and stuff when I was growing up and the cult used to give them to me. Serissa used to give them to me. I don’t know. There’s a lot of bad stuff in the world and it’s nice to appreciate nice things sometimes. I like having and finding cute stuff. Do you not like that? MARISHA: I just might appreciate some other things. MARK: Your outfit’s cute though. MARISHA: Man, thank you. MARK: That’s all right. You’re welcome. I was sure it was here. I traced it. I followed them. I knew that it was coming through this– Maybe I missed it. Maybe I’ve messed up. TALIESIN: How deep is that pool? MATT: It gets about five or six feet deep. TALIESIN: I’m going to search the bottom of it. MATT: Make an investigation check with disadvantage. TRAVIS: Are there any weapons that the merrow dropped? The hook or the spears? Or were they tridents or anything? MATT: There’s one of them that was a three-pronged trident and two that were just long harpoons. They’re all hooked at the tips and they had this thick rope cable on the edge that they were using to pull them back in. TRAVIS: I pick up one of the tridents. Does it seem like an average– MATT: Just a trident. LIAM: I would propose– I just rolled a 17 on perception to see if Caleb noticed Nott even do that. SAM: I’m going to come tell you anyways. LIAM: Well, but you rolled a 28, so it would be super hard for anyone at the table to have seen it. MATT: Yeah, no one noticed. Nobody noticed. ASHLEY: I’m still keeping watch. I’m watching the hole. LAURA: I wanted to look in the pools too. TALIESIN: Can she give me advantage on that? MATT: Sure. Usually you got to tell me before you roll. TALIESIN: I know. We didn’t want to interrupt the thing. MATT: That’s fine. TALIESIN: It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s eight. MATT: It’s brackish and thick and you don’t find much of interest. TALIESIN: Check that other one too in a moment. MATT: You do find some bones. MARK: I can clear the water as well. MATT: Looking through, you find a number of discarded humanoid skeletons. Four of them, to be exact. TALIESIN: The other one, then. MARISHA: Maybe it’s in the next room. There’s still another room. SAM: There is? LAURA: They were coming from somewhere. Who knows, there could be 20 of them on the other side of this. MARISHA: It’s true. Could be a whole network of caverns. SAM: Should we fill in the hole? TALIESIN: I think we’re going to have to. MARISHA: Until we find– SAM: Ooh! We have thunder sticks! MARISHA: We do have boom boom sticks. LIAM: Is this the end of our task here? MATT: Fjord. LAURA: We’re supposed to secure the safehouse. MATT: As they’re having this conversation, you feel this strange crawling sensation in the back of your head as you’re looking past this pool down into the darkness below. Even though it’s clear, you can see the ripples, and there’s something gently tugging you in that direction, and a familiar voice creeps in, sourceless, within your brain, that says, “Learn.” LAURA: So anyway. SAM: We just killed Fjord’s family. LAURA: I feel like we should check and see if there’s 20 of them on the other side of this thing. MARISHA: Or like you said, we just destroy the entrance to where they can’t come through. TALIESIN: Don’t we have a cat that can become a fish? MARISHA: It takes time, and equipment. TRAVIS: Plus, some of us can swim. We could pop down real quick and see what’s down there. LIAM: I’m taking those two purple vials and walking around the corner over this way to set them down and start doing my thing, and I’m going to start pulling out my book. SAM: I will join him. TRAVIS: Anyone else feel like going for a swim? LAURA and TALIESIN: Yes. MARISHA: I could probably join you for a swim. MARK: I need to check and make sure it’s not here, and if there is a room back there I need to make sure it’s not here. TALIESIN: We don’t know if there’s going to be air on the other side of that, though, so we need people that can– LAURA: Yeah, one person that can breathe really well. Fjord, you are familiar with the sea. Can you hold your breath for a long time? TRAVIS: Yeah, pretty decent. LAURA: All right. How about you go– SAM: Like, forever? TRAVIS: No. TALIESIN: As long as you don’t mind dying, sure. SAM: Do you have gills? ASHLEY: What if we tie a rope to you? TRAVIS: Sure, we have an extra 50 feet, we didn’t really need the rest. LAURA: Should we take a short rest again? Oh, it’s another hour. TALIESIN: We’re going to do this. LAURA: Oh, you can only do it once a day. MATT: What, the– ALL: Short rest. MATT: No, short rest you can do as many times as you want, yeah. MARK: It’s the long rest you can only do once every day. LAURA: You’re low on health still, aren’t you? TRAVIS: Yeah, but I mean, we’re fine. Let’s do it. MARISHA: If you want to just swim and back. You’re going to swim and come back? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m going to go down, and if I start running short on air, I’ll come back up. TALIESIN: We’ll have a rope tied. LAURA: I’m going to cast Cure Wounds on you, if we’re not going to take short rest, if we’re not going to take a short rest– TRAVIS: No, you don’t need to do that. There’s no need, Jester. We’ll take a short rest afterwards. Just a quick little recon. ASHLEY: Here. Tie it around. TRAVIS: I drop the rope and jump in. SAM: As they’re doing this, I’m going to come up to Caleb and tap him on the shoulder and say: Caleb, look what I found! I think this is the bowl that Cali was talking about. LIAM: I instantly cast Identify– it takes one minute– on the two vials and the bowl. MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: I’m over here. LAURA: On the other side. MATT: You went all the way around the other side? MARK: I have a minus one, it’s a 13. She’s pretty oblivious. MATT: No, there’s no way. TALIESIN: We are the worst people. MARK: As if I didn’t know that coming in. LIAM: We might be the third from the worst people. MARISHA: “As if I didn’t know that coming here.” That’s the worst thing anyone has said about us. MARK: I know how The Mighty Nein works. MATT: The bowl is magical. It is used as a communion device. When granted with enough blood and given the proper ritual, it’s used to acquire auguries, various bits of divination, and communication across the Divine Gate with whatever this Scaled Tyrant may be. LIAM: But it needs a lot of blood? MATT: It needs enough to fill the bowl. LAIM: I can tell from my Identify spell that its purpose is to speak with this thing on the other side, this deity? MATT: Some sort of communion, that’s all you can make out from it. LIAM: What about the vials? MATT: The vials are not magically enchanted. LIAM: That sucks. Nothing to be told, okay. I don’t want this. MATT: Hold on, Identify should– SAM: You don’t want the bowl? LIAM: No. SAM: Okay. Do you think it’s bad to give it to her? ASHLEY: I’m not there, but– SAM: Do you think it’s bad to give it to her? LIAM: I don’t know. It is not of any use to us, I don’t think. SAM: Okay. Then let’s give it to her. LIAM: I stick it into my satchel for the time being. MATT: Okay. What are you guys doing? You’re underwater. Fjord, you’re swimming down, going through the darkness, keeping your way there. It goes under for about 30 feet, 40 feet. You’re pulling your way across the ceiling as it levels out, curves a bit, straightens. Lungs start to hurt a little bit, but you’re still holding your breath okay, pulling your way through this darkness. LAURA: This makes me feel so uncomfortable. TALIESIN: I’m not okay with this. TRAVIS: This is college all over again. MATT: You pull under, and you’re uncertain as to where it’ll end, and that brief little peaking fear in the back of your mind, flashes and memories of being under the ocean, of the shipwreck, of looking up and not knowing which direction was up. That gives you this brief surge of vertigo. You stop for a second, and a couple bubbles escape. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: 21. MATT: 21. You push through, continue, swim across, swim. “Learn.” You come up, and all of a sudden you can see now, it begins to rise up once more, and you begin to swim up, pull across the front, and then suddenly your fingers break water, but you do so carefully. Take a breath slowly as your head emerges from the dark water in what is a large, darkened chamber. Make a perception check with disadvantage. TRAVIS: Six. MATT: You see where this 15, 20-foot pool that you’ve emerged from opens up into this chamber that is filled with low water and a number of divots and pools within. The bars of land are limited and thin. You see from the peripheral of your vision, before it ends at that point, roughly five or six more of these creatures. You see a very faint glow in the distance, a number of objects that are piled and shoved into a central place. You see elements, old pieces of stone structures that have fallen in. This chamber inside here had a built or constructed purpose long ago, and since has crumbled as the earth has shifted. That’s as much as you can make out. TRAVIS: I’ll take a big breath, blow it all the way out. (inhales deeply) Go back under, push back. MATT: Okay, cool. Making your way through, now you know the path is there, the confidence because you know there is air eventually helps you push through. You make it halfway through– TRAVIS: What’s the depth like as I’m going through? MATT: It’s about 15, 20 feet. TRAVIS: So I can see the bottom? MATT: You can see the bottom, yeah. TRAVIS: That’s not so bad. MATT: You do manage to come out the other side, emerge, and take your breath. Now that you’ve been through it once, and managed to go through it a little more confidently, you didn’t have to worry about holding your breath. LAURA: Oh my god, are you okay? TRAVIS: Yeah. There’s another room. There’s five more of them, if I remember. MARK: Those things? TRAVIS: Yeah, there’s a whole other cavern. There’s ruins and objects and all sorts of stuff. We’re not done with this by a damn sight. MARISHA: Our job was to secure the safehouse. We can collapse this and say job done. TRAVIS: There were so many things. There were crates and objects. MARISHA: That changes things. LAURA: What if the safehouse is that other tunnel? What if this whole thing is the safehouse? TRAVIS: Could be underneath it. LIAM: What if it’s beyond even what Fjord has just seen? We do not know what we are talking about yet. TRAVIS: We could guard this entrance and rest up for a bit, get ourselves together and carry through. It’s not that far. I think everybody could make it. I certainly could help somebody if they’re not a very good swimmer, but– MARISHA: Maybe run a line. Have the rope in case. LIAM: You know, we could rest up here on the back corner of this chamber. I could cast my silver thread across this pool here on the other side. If anything comes through, it wakes us up. We’ll be ready. We get ready for going further and– TALIESIN: We could even cast the thread and sleep upstairs. TRAVIS: We could. I know there are five, but I think we use this funnel point as a fatal funnel, right? We make them come through one at a time. We send some bait, bring them back through, but only when we’re ready. What do you think? LAURA: I’m okay with that. TALIESIN: Sure. TRAVIS: Cali? MARK: I want to help you guys, I really do, but if what I’m looking for is not here, I’ve got to try and find it. I’ve got to stop these people getting it. The longer I spend here, if it’s not here, the better chance they have of finding it, and I can’t let that happen. LIAM: What if you spend one more night with us, here? MARK: I really want to, Mr. Caleb. Like, you all seem so nice and you’re the first people I could even say that I’ve made friends with, but this is too important. LAURA: I just can’t believe we didn’t find that bowl for you. MARK: Maybe I messed up. Like I said, I’m not very good in the outside world, and I thought that I found it here, but– It’s fine. LIAM: Tell us again. What do you need it for? What are your intentions with it? Honestly, look me in the eye. What do you mean to do with this thing when you find it? MARK: Mr. Caleb, I want to destroy it. LIAM: How will you destroy it? MARK: To be honest with you, I don’t know. I know I’ll find a way if I have to, but– I just– The biggest thing I’m afraid of is that the cult and Serissa, they’ll find somebody like me. They’ll find somebody descended from an ancient dragon like I was. Then they can do this all again. I got away once. I can’t let that happen to someone else. LIAM: Yasha, will you come here, please? ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: I need your help. Mollymauk, will you come here, please? TALIESIN: Yeah, sure. LIAM: Beauregard, Fjord, will you come here, please? MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: Sure. LIAM: I start to move away from Cali. LAURA: Why don’t you want me to come here, please? LIAM: Would you come back with me, Jester, please? LAURA: Whatever. MARK: (softly) What’s going on? LIAM: Once there is a defensive wall between me and Cali, I pull the bowl out of my bag. MARK: Where did you find that? LAURA: (gasps) Caleb, you found the bowl! I’m so proud of you. LIAM: No. MATT: (Jester voice) “I’m so proud of you.” LAURA: Yeah, Kiri’s proud of you, too. LIAM: No, Kiri. Bren found the bowl. Cali, I would like to help you, but this thing is… powerful. MARK: Yes. LIAM: And I met you ten hours ago? MARK: Mr. Caleb, all I can tell you is that the whole reason I came here is to find that, so– Let me put it this way. You care about these people? You care about this group? LIAM: Yeah, I do. MARK: Then don’t keep that thing. The cult will find you. I know more about them than you. I can hide. I can stay away from them. LIAM: Well, I have a wonderful compromise. You know, we can all camp down here as I suggested, you included. In the morning, my good friend Jester can get to the bottom of your intentions for good. For real. MARISHA: Caleb’s still holding the bowl? MATT: Mm-hmm. MARISHA: Can I snatch it out of his hand real quick? MATT: Go ahead. Make a dexterity check, opposed. MARISHA: Just a straight dex check? LIAM: What do I do, dex as well? Oh, it’s gonna be so good. MATT: Disadvantage for you because you weren’t expecting it. MARISHA: It’s not great. LIAM: That’s a two, so I think this story is over. Aw, the second one was an 18. Aw. Three. MARISHA: Ten. MATT: The bowl leaves your hand. Now Beau’s holding it. MARISHA: I’m playing a game of keep-away. TRAVIS: Are you natural Beau or big-ass Beau? MATT: No, it’s faded. MARISHA: (sing-songy) Caleb. LIAM: Why would you not want to wait 12 hours to see if this woman’s intentions are true or not? LAURA: What difference does it make? LIAM: What difference does it make?! This bowl– LAURA: You don’t have it in your hand anymore, Caleb. LIAM: This bowl that I am talking about can be used to speak to one of the most evil entities in the history of creation, so I think it warrants another 12 hours of waiting to get to the bottom of things. LAURA: I don’t think you should stop someone from talking to a god if they want to talk to a god. MARK: I don’t want to talk to her. I want to make that clear. ASHLEY: If you want to destroy it, why don’t we just destroy it right here? TALIESIN: I don’t think it can be. MARK: I always thought you’d need something more impressive to do that, but if we can destroy it here, then so be it. LIAM: I think it is going to be a little bit beyond your capabilities to destroy this bowl, Yasha. ASHLEY: No, I don’t mean me. MARISHA: Caleb, I respect you and all of your intentions, but your caution does not get to control other people’s destinies. LIAM: That bowl is used for communicating with (nervous laugh) the mother of dragons. MARK: Are you going to rest now? Are we doing anything else? Are you resting now, or do you wish to take this time now? MARISHA: You had no intentions of wanting this bowl, or needing this bowl, or caring about this bowl until Cali came around. LIAM: Beauregard. You keep the bowl all night so that Jester can use the spell she used in the past for truth, and then we ask Cali, and I would love to hear that Cali’s intentions are true and good. If they’re not, we’ll find out. LAURA: I believe you, Cali. I don’t think I need to cast it on you. MARK: But you need to trust each other. TALIESIN: Actually, here’s an insane thing that occurred to me. Technically speaking, Charm Person lasts a really long time. I cast Friends. LIAM: Friends. One minute. LAURA: Oh! Well, I can cast Charm Person. MARK: You tried to cast something on your friend, the guide, right? To make him tell the truth. Do that on me. I won’t resist it. I promise. TALIESIN: That’s fair. I’m into that. LIAM: Yeah, okay. I suggest you tell us the absolute truth of your intentions with this bowl. MARK: I don’t want to resist it, so: I intend to either destroy it, or find somewhere secure that the Cult of the Caustic Heart, servants of the Scaled Tyrant, can’t find it, because they knew my power. They knew that I’m descended from an ancient black dragon from far away. If they find another one like me, they could do terrible things. I promise you, Mr. Caleb, I promise you that all I want is to right some of the wrongs that I once did as part of that group. I helped kill people; I helped torture people. I’ve got to make this right, and that’s the only way I can do this. I don’t know much, but I know that the only person that can take that thing and make sure it’s not used for ill is me. TALIESIN: Mr. Caleb. SAM: (snickers) You have the helm. TALIESIN: There’s only so many burdens we’re expected to bear before we’re asking for failure. MARK: I don’t want you to have to bear this one. LIAM: I’m glad for you to take it. I’m a little surprised at the rest of you for me being cautious, but I’m glad for you to take it. MARK: Thank you. TALIESIN: Oh, no. I’m with you. MARISHA: I grab Caleb, drag him aside, hand Cali the bowl, drag Caleb over to a private corner, and I say, look. We all have our fucking trauma. You understand that? We all have our fucking garbage, and our dirt, and our shit. But you don’t get to use your skeletons in your closet, your PTSD, to be shitty and control other people and what they want. It does not make you the authority on what’s right and what’s wrong. Just because you think that you’re a shitty person, guess what? We’re all fucking shitty people. LAURA: Not all of us are shitty. LIAM: Are we separate or are we not separate? MATT: She’s not being subtle. MARISHA: I get feeling like shitty people. I don’t speak for the rest of these guys, but I get feeling shitty. But it doesn’t mean that you get to impress that on other people and make them feel like shitheads just because you are. LIAM: Beauregard, what if she had been lying to us? MARISHA: Then she fucking lied to us. We take that, and we learn that as a lesson for later on. MARK: Ms. Beauregard, if I can. MARISHA: Yes, Cali? MARK: I think out of everyone here, from what I’ve seen, Mr. Caleb is the only one who really understands how powerful this thing is. Even I didn’t know as much. I appreciate everything that you’ve just said and it’s the nicest thing that anyone’s ever done for me. Please don’t blame him. He was doing the right thing. MARISHA: I’m not blaming him. It’s just that this isn’t the first occurrence of something like this with him, either. MARK: I think he’s trying to do the right thing. MARISHA: I think he is, too. MARK: Okay. TALIESIN: (yelling) You were right, Caleb! You’re just a shitty communicator! MARISHA: It’s kind of what Molly said. TALIESIN: (yelling) Yep! LIAM: I told you exactly what I wanted to do, and why. MARISHA: The road to hell is paved with good intentions. LIAM: I don’t know what you’re talking about. And I walk away from her without saying another word. MARISHA: That’s fair. MARK: I’m going to look at everybody. I really wish I could help you with the rest of this, but I’ve got to get this thing away from you, you know? People will be after this, as soon as I can. LAURA: Cali, be careful. There’s trolls out there, and gators. MARK: I’ll be careful. TRAVIS: Cali, I’m just curious. You don’t want to try and smash it on the ground real fast? Just for shits and giggles. MARK: I can try. TRAVIS: Yeah, I mean, while we’re all here. TALIESIN: I’ve never played with a magical item before. MATT: You throw it on the ground. It rolls off, untouched. MARK: I’ll try Acid Splash as well. MATT: All the acid runs off of it, unscathed. TRAVIS: Yasha, chuck that shit on the side of the wall, will you? ASHLEY: Wait, is it magical? LAURA: Super-duper. LIAM: Highly. ASHLEY: I’m going to try to take out my Magician’s Judge sword. Because I can try to Dispel Magic. I’ll try to do it. Might not work. MATT: Okay. You’re going to strike it as you’re dispelling it? Is that what you’re doing? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: Okay. You hold your Magician’s Judge up, you lift it over your head, and swing it down with all your might. Go ahead and make the check for the Dispel Magic on the sword. ASHLEY: What’s that? MATT: It’s under the description of the sword on your app. It’s a d20 plus– Not the attack roll; it’s under the ability. ASHLEY: –cast as a 3rd-level and the ability check bonus for the spell is plus three. MATT: Yeah, so roll and add three. ASHLEY: 13? MATT: 13. As you strike downward, there’s a brief moment where you see a flash of energy as if the field is temporarily dissipating whatever magical connection this object holds. In that brief, ever-so-subtle instance of time in which this marble bowl is left in a brief blip in history, it is exposed to the elements. The blade carves through and shatters. The glow, (explosion)! For that instance, there is a brief burst of bright green, blue, red, white, black energy that emanates and this low growling rumble. And, with that, the bowl and whatever enchantment it held is gone. MARK: You did it. ASHLEY: Sorry. MARK: No! Yasha, you destroyed it! That’s exactly what I wanted to do! I didn’t think it’d be possible! ASHLEY: I really didn’t either. I just– TALIESIN: I owe you the biggest drink. Oh my god! MARK: Ms. Yasha, though, you need to be careful. I mean, that thing was connected to the Scaled Tyrant and the cultists. If they find out what you’ve done, they’ll come after you. But I want you to know I’ll do whatever I can to stop them. ASHLEY: Well, hey, (stutters) I just– I didn’t think that was going to happen so fast, to be honest. MARK: I don’t think any of us did. MATT: It’s interesting. As it shattered and while you’re having this conversation, there’s this static electricity around Yasha. Occasionally, as she brings her hand closer, you watch as these little bolts of energy are arcing through here. As it slowly fades, you can see there’s a slight faint glow of the symbol she holds at her belt that eventually goes mundane as well. MARK: Can I rush over and hug Yasha for what she’s done? I throw my arms around you, draconic claw piercing in a little bit. ASHLEY: I keep my arms down, but I give her a pat. MARK: Thank you so much. You don’t understand what this means. ASHLEY: You’re welcome. I’m glad it was me and not you so you don’t get in trouble or you’re not marked or anything. MARK: I’m sure that the Scaled Tyrant is looking for me in other ways, but thank you. You guys, I’ve never had people look after me and help me like this before. You guys are probably the first friends I’ve ever had. Where do you guys normally stay, if I need to come and find you? TRAVIS: We’re actually traveling all around. I was going to ask: Where do you go now, since you’ve achieved your objective? MARK: I’ll head back to Port Damali. There’s other artifacts I need to find and destroy, but now I know that they can be. That’s what I’m going to focus on. TRAVIS: We might find our way down to the Menagerie Coast at some point, and if we do, we’ll give you a look. MARK: I’d really like that, please. Can I write to you if I leave letters? Can we be pen pals, Jester? LAURA: Oh my god, I will send all the letters, Cali! MARK: Oh, yes, absolutely! LAURA: That would make me so happy! MARK: I’m going to write you letters all the time! LAURA: I’m going to write you letters back all the time, okay? MARK: Hugs. LAURA: Hugs, hugs, hugs. ASHLEY: I do have a question. The jewels in the bowl: are they still there? LAURA: What jewels? ASHLEY: In the eyeballs. MATT: Make an investigation check to search for where the shards all landed. MARK: I’m going to start putting some of my stuff together to get ready to leave, but I’m going to head over to Nott, because Caleb’s walked off. ASHLEY: Six. MARK: Nott– Bren? SAM: You can just go with Nott. MARK: Okay. You seem to know Mr. Caleb really well. SAM: I do. MARK: Can you give him something for me? SAM: Sure. MARK: I’m going to give Nott the Scroll of Invisibility that I never used. This is for your help, for Mr. Caleb’s help, and all of you. It’s not much, but it’s something. SAM: This is very nice of you. MARK: You don’t know what you’ve done for me, so this is the least I can do. I really do understand what he did. SAM: He has– yes. MARK: Thank you. SAM: You’re welcome? Thank you. It was lovely to meet you– and he really does have the best of intentions. MARK: I know he does, and I’m sure he’s going to be a really powerful wizard one day. SAM: I know he will be. MARK: I know he will. SAM: Yes, he will! Why are you saying it like that? Because he will. MARK: Because you are! SAM: Okay! (laughter) MARK: I’ll say my goodbyes and come up and shake Fjord’s hand. TRAVIS: Strong grip. MARK: I won’t use the dragon one. Go up to Mollymauk, shake hands. TALIESIN: Oh, the dragon one. ASHLEY: The dragon one. MARK: Thank you? ASHLEY: I wouldn’t have skinned you, that was just a joke in the beginning. MARK: Oh, good. Don’t do that, please. ASHLEY: I won’t– (quietly) I would have, but I just– MARK: Good luck with clearing this out, but I’ve got to go. LAURA: Be careful, okay? MARK: I will, I promise. We’ll write letters. LAURA: Yes, of course! TRAVIS: Remember, follow the daggers on the way out, they mark your way. MARK: I will do. Yeah, I’ve got to keep out for that troll, right? SAM: We were supposed to get some sort of bracelet. MARISHA: Troll, and also really big alligators. MARK: Well, you got my scroll. SAM: Over shit! MARK: I’ll make my way out. MATT: Okay. Cali climbs the rope, with a brief glimmer of her feet vanishing into the tunnel above. You all settle in to rest and decide what you’re going to do with the rest of this chamber, if anything. And that’s where we’ll end tonight’s game. LIAM: Drama! MATT: Good drama! It’s fun. MARISHA: I love you. TRAVIS: Dram-o-mine! MATT: Oh man. Good game. Mark, thank you for coming on! MARK: No, thank you guys all so much! I’ve said this to Matt, but I’ve been hearing stories of Vox Machina since before you guys started streaming from Matt, and I’ve watched the whole show, so this was super awesome to get to be here and play with you guys. MARISHA: Tell them where to find you on High Rollers! MARK: Yeah, so if you’d like to see me GM, I do a show called High Rollers every Sunday at 5:00pm UK-time. I think it’s like 9:00am PST? That’s on twitch.tv/Yogscast. We just finished our first two-and-a-half-year campaign, but on July 1st, we’re starting our brand new campaign. ALL: Wow! MARK: That’ll be our brand-new thing, so please come and watch that. LIAM: God, I can’t believe that’s already been that long. MARK: Well, when you guys started, we were inspired by Crit Role, and we started our show, and we’ve gotten to the next part of our adventures. MARISHA: Yogscast is great, you guys are great, the cast is great– MARK: High Rollers is great, I’m not going to talk about the rest of Yogscast. MATT: Yeah, High Rollers is great! MARK: Yeah, you can also see me on the Stream of Many Eyes. I’m going to be DMing a game for Ashley, Taliesin, and Sam on Sunday, along with some other people as well. ASHLEY: I can’t wait. MARK: Thank you guys all so much, that was awesome. MATT: Thank you for coming. MARISHA: Yeah, Cali! MATT: Thank you guys for hanging on! Thank you D&D Beyond for being amazing. We love you guys so much. We’ll see you soon, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music] MATT: Hello, and welcome, everybody, to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and shout dirty things at me and play Dungeons and Dragons. Way too late on that draw. But yes, welcome! First and foremost, before we jump into tonight’s game, we have some announcements to get through. LIAM: Testicle roach! (dubious noises) MATT: Before we get into the formal announcements, first off, those of us who were at the Stream of Many Eyes this past weekend had a great time. Hope you guys who tuned in to check out any of it have looked on YouTube to see the videos. We had some fun games with some great DMs– I had the opportunity with the Force Grey game– and we all got to play with a bunch of other great people in the community. And Deborah Ann Woll is an amazing DM. She’s pretty badass. But yeah, anyway, hope you guys enjoyed it. But, bringing us into our first announcements tonight, we have our fantastic returning partner-in-crime for this campaign thus far: our sponsor, D&D Beyond. Sam. SAM: D&D Beyond, everyone. Yeah, there’s an animated thing that, if you haven’t seen, you should check out, that’s pretty cool. As announced during the Stream of Many Eyes this past weekend, new adventures, Waterdeep: Dragon Heist and Waterdeep: Dungeon of the Mad Mage, are now available– on Laura’s phone– for preorder on D&D Beyond. MATT: Fun note to that, actually, too: the Dragon Heist adventure, I was one of the story and creative consultants on for that book. LIAM: Humble dragon-brag. MATT: A little bit, every now and then. But I got to put a little bit of my flavor on there. So many great people put it together; I was just happy to be even a part of that. LAURA: I like how none of us knew that. (laughter) MATT: Great friends, guys. It’s really– just exemplifies the relationship. LAURA: What’s your name again? SAM: Check out the D&D Beyond marketplace now to learn more and order now. And the great thing about D&D Beyond, guys, is that it simplifies managing your stats and inventory so you can just focus on creating. Creating new encounters, creating new characters, creating new monsters. And I thought I would inspire our audience by showing them what kind of– some samples of some new monsters that they could create. Now, you could use the same old stats, but maybe you give them a little new spin or a new flair. And to help, I made some artistic interpretations of some of my new monsters. So these are some new monsters you can create. You guys have all heard of a bulette? We fought them? Well, this is a bull-ette. It’s a female bullet! You can tell ‘cause it’s pink! MARISHA: Did you print out a picture of a bullet? SAM: Yeah, I printed out a picture of a bullet and I colored it in pink. And it only fires once, so it’s a very quick encounter. You’ve heard of a displacer beast? This is a Despacito beast. It’s the same thing as a displacer beast, except you hear “dub-a-dub-a Puerto Rico dub-a-dub-a ay, bandito” when it goes invisible. MATT: They don’t actually go invisible, but continue. LIAM: Which is a problem, ‘cause it blows the invisibility. LAURA: Did your children draw these, or– SAM: No, I drew these. You guys have heard of an owlbear. Well, what about putting a little creative spin on it and making it a bowel-bear? It has crippling IBS. Oh, there’s more, guys. TRAVIS: It could also be like a fro-yo factory, I mean, that’s not– SAM: Yeah, it has a shit-spray attack. Here’s one I’m pretty proud of. You guys, there’s a monster in the Manual called the giant wasp. Well, this is the giant WASP. But he’s a White Anglo-Saxon Person. A WASP! You know, a WASP-y guy! He’s a WASP! ASHLEY: Is that what the 'P’ stands for? SAM: Yeah! MARISHA: I don’t think that’s– SAM: That’s not true? I don’t know. MARISHA: I feel like you’re reaching. SAM: Okay, there’s two more. LAURA: Oh my god, please stop. SAM: Okay, there’s two more. This is a bone dirtdevil. It’s a bone devil that cleans up after every fight. LIAM: Did you draw that one, or is it your kid? SAM: Yeah, I drew that one! Last, but not least, it’s a Fanta-core! (laughter) SAM: It’s just a manticore with Fanta as a head. TRAVIS: There’s a lot of work going into this. You can tell. I mean, there are Xeroxed copies. SAM: You like the bone dirtdevil? LAURA: I do. TALIESIN: I want a Fanta-core right now. MATT: Fanta-core, I’m down with. TALIESIN: What flavors does the Fanta-core come in? MATT: Dangerous and well-branded. SAM: Guys, there were more that I didn’t even draw. There was the Lin Manuel Miranda-boleth. (laughter) SAM: There was a Nick Frost giant. He always has Simon Pegg with him. (laughter) SAM: Check out more on my website. MATT: Save those for the next Sam Riegel bundle you can buy on D&D Beyond six months from now. LIAM: I’m pretty sure the only monster here is you. MATT: Thank you, Sam, and thank you, D&D Beyond. LAURA: Sorry, D&D Beyond. MATT: To that note too, as well, I released a couple small updates to the Blood Hunter that went up on D&D Beyond as well, as well as on the DMs Guild. So for those who are playing, check and see if there’s anything that affects your class. It might be the case. Minor tweaks, but things that I think will help improve gameplay and more fun, so. All right. The standard edition of Vox Machina: Origins are still for sale, apparently. We’re sold out of the special editions. Seems to be the case. But the standard editions are still available. You can go to critrole.com for information and detail on that. Or the Geek & Sundry and Alpha online shops, as where you’ll find it for purchase. Let’s see. Talks Machina, of course, will be happening about this episode, tonight, next Tuesday at 7 PM Pacific Time, with our wonderful host, Brian W. Foster, and a number of our cast members will be attending to discuss the insanity that is imminent to occur this evening. So check that out. Don’t forget to submit your fanart or gif of the week to submit@talksmachina.com. And a reminder, through Twitch Prime, if you have your Amazon Prime account, you can connect it with your Twitch account, and once a month you get a free subscription to a Twitch channel of your choice. It’s free, and you get to support some of your favorite creators out there, so go check it out if you haven’t. LAURA: For a split-second, you sounded like Kermit the Frog. MATT: (Kermit voice) Oh, I’m just trying to make sure that you get your proper announcements there for your game. Okay. Let’s play some D&D. (laughter) MATT: (Kermit voice) Roll initiative. (normal voice) All right, so, on that note, I believe it’s time to dive into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Hello, and welcome back. (laughter) TRAVIS: Oh man, that’s a good one. Winner. That’s a blue-ribbon echelon. LIAM: (tearfully) I just thought of it five seconds ago and I’m so happy. MATT: Welcome back, everybody. (laughter) MATT: So. Where we last left off, the Mighty Nein have been making their way towards Beleben and the Labenda Swamp to tackle the first of their two tasks they had taken from the Gentleman in Zadash. Traveling along the way, you managed to save and make friends with a very young kenku named Kiri who has been accompanying you through your journey thus far. You managed to find an individual who could guide you through the swamp, who was summarily taken and probably eaten by a troll that was stalking you through the swamp. You found an ally named Cali, Calianna, who was a dragon-blooded sorcerer who seemed to have aligned interests towards the direction you were traveling to find the safe house that belonged to the Gentleman that had gone quiet. Upon hearing that there had been some sort of attack on it, all of you went through the swamp, forded the dangers, made your way to the base of the tree, where it was discovered to be within and below the base of this large banyan tree on the northern side of the Labenda Swamp. LAURA: Is it called a bangin’ tree? MATT: Banyan. It’s a bangin’ tree. Just want you to know, of all the trees I’ve seen, it’s pretty bangin’. After investigating the scene and trying to pick up details about what had transpired, you found a number of bodies that had been put up, left to bloat, and die as a warning for those who had made their way in. On the inside, it looks like the interior of the safe house had been cleaned out and summarily dragged through a subterranean tunnel. Following this tunnel down below, you found strange, twisted-looking merfolk called merrow that seemed to have been living in these partially submerged tunnels, this system beneath the swamp. You engaged in battle, killed a number of them, and upon sifting through some of the remnants of what was dragged out of the safe house, you discovered Cali’s quarry, which was a bowl that could speak to the Scaled Tyrant, Tiamat. You decided what to do, and after a brief confrontation, the bowl was handed over to Yasha, who attempted to sunder it using her Magician’s Judge, which succeeded: the item was left shattered into pieces. Cali, with her quest complete and not wishing to put herself into any further danger, decided to leave, bidding you all adieu, and clambered back up through the strange, dug tunnel that leads to the surface. You guys were left to think about what the next course of action was before Fjord made a brief swimming excursion into one of the far-off tunnels that led to a larger chamber and a base of operations where more of these merrow live. From the outskirts of what you could see, more remnants of what was taken from the safe house existed further in. Mighty Nein, you’ve seen Cali clamber off. You guys have taken down from the heat of the moment. What do you wish to do? TRAVIS: We got to rest up, right? MARISHA: Yeah, I’m a little tired. LAURA: We should probably sleep. SAM: But there’s fish men and possibly fish women right down there that could come out and kill us in our sleep. TRAVIS: I think Caleb has a little booby trap for that, don’t you? LIAM: Caleb starts silver threading the entrance that Fjord swam through. TALIESIN: I say we sleep upstairs. LAURA: Upstairs? TALIESIN: Pull the rope up, that way we’ll have plenty of time if we hear them coming back up. TRAVIS: Add some distance, yeah. LAURA and TRAVIS: Okay, okay, okay. SAM: What if there’s unlimited numbers of them? What if there’s a whole– TRAVIS: I only saw, like, five. SAM: You only saw like five. Did you keep going down into the tunnels? TRAVIS: No, but I got pretty fucking sharp eyes, all right? They call me Eagle-Eye Fjord where I come from. LAURA: Did they really? TRAVIS: (cawing) Crow Fjord, or maybe raven, you don’t know. MARISHA: That’s a lot of nicknames. TRAVIS: It is. TALIESIN: With the warning system, we’ll have plenty of time to get away if there’s too many of them and they’ll have no way up if we pull the rope up. LAURA: Well, what will we put in the doorway of the tree, though? TRAVIS: I don’t know if we leave the tree. LAURA: No, are we sleeping in the tree? TRAVIS: Yeah. TALIESIN: People will keep watch. LAURA: Oh, okay. TALIESIN: That way we’ll have an early warning before they even manage to crawl their way up. TRAVIS: And we know where the entrance is. LIAM: The moment that they exit the pool, we’ll know and it would wake me up, or you up, or anybody up. SAM: We’re just going to gloss over the fact that Fjord has three bird nicknames? LAURA: Bird-Eye Fjord I think is what he was getting at, you know? TRAVIS: Also very popular. MATT: Kiri pipes up. (like Jester) “Bird-Eye Fjord.” TRAVIS: That’s right, Kiri, Bird-Eye Fjord. MATT: (like Jester) “Bird-Eye Fjord.” TRAVIS: It’s sticking. MATT: (like Fjord) “Sticking.” SAM: That does not sound good. MARISHA: Can we call you B.E.F. for short? Bird-Eye Fjord. TRAVIS: No. We make our way up the rope into the bottom of the tree, but the entrance is still open. MATT: Okay. As you guys are making your way up and climbing using the roots and the rope and the interior, you begin to, now that you’re not focused on what’s below, notice that a lot of the earth in this particular tunnel– that isn’t too wide necessarily, it’s about three feet wide in most places– You can see the claw marks where it’s been dug out. The softer portion of the ground where you landed upon emerging from making your way down, you can see a lot of the earth and chunks of root that have been carved out. It wasn’t a natural tunnel or something they discovered; they dug up into the safe house to retrieve whatever was inside. Nevertheless, you all make your way up into the hollow base of the safe house tree. You guys can set up camp if you’d like to. TRAVIS: I’ll take first watch, if you want. I can post up outside and do a little illusion work. MARISHA: I’ll join you. LAURA: I’m going to spend a little time with Kiri. I want to teach you some sayings. How long can you keep mimicking things? MATT: (like Jester) “Mimicking things.” LAURA: I’m going to take that as a long time. MATT: (like Jester) “Long time.” LAURA: Okay, good. I’m going to tell you if someone asks what your name is, you say, “I am Kiri.” MATT: (like Jester) “I am Kiri.” LAURA: See, look at this, this is great! Okay, and then if they go, “Are you nice?” You say, “Yes, “I’m very sweet.” MATT: (like Jester) “Yes, I’m very sweet.” LAURA: If they say something you don’t like, you say, “Go fuck yourself.” MATT: (like Jester) “Go fuck yourself.” LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: Oh my god, I can’t believe you said it. SAM: It’s like a sound board. TRAVIS: Go fuck yourself. LAURA: You say, “Fuck yourself.” MATT: (like Jester) “Go fuck yourself.” LAURA: Yes, that’s good. Okay, that’s a good start. SAM: Wait, if you get really excited, you should go (air horn blaring). MATT: (air horn blaring) LAURA: Oh no, don’t do that, Kiri! Don’t! LIAM: Frumpkin’s hair gets poofed out and his tail floofs out and he starts growling at the sound. MARISHA: Hey, Fjord. TRAVIS: Yeah? SAM: Are we going to sleep? LAURA: I think so. TRAVIS: About what time is it, anyway? Light still coming in from the outside of the tree? MATT: At this point, it’s probably just past dusk. There’s a little bit of blue cresting into night time. Light’s coming through the trees, but it looks like you’re about half an hour out from a pitch black sky. TRAVIS: All right. LIAM: Is it my turn with the dodecahedron? LAURA: Oh yes! Do you want it? LIAM: I do. SAM: For today? LAURA: But wait for the morning, unless you want to use it today, and then somebody else will get it in the morning. Because it only lasts for 24 hours. LIAM: Did you use it? SAM: I did not. Oh, I did. We have to save it for tomorrow. LIAM: I more want to examine it. LAURA: Oh, yes, here. Do you want to take it out of the bag? LIAM: No. Can I borrow the bag? LAURA: Here’s the bag. LIAM: I’m going to spend maybe a half-hour before bed not trying to use it, but just examine it. MATT: Okay. Make an arcana check. LIAM: 15. MATT: Okay. Assessing its design, paying attention to its construct and the handles, and the edging of where the different facets of it are affixed to this cage-like exterior to it, you really have no idea what material it’s made from. The faint magical essence that comes off of it, and with the training you have had across the various schools of magic, this seems hard to pin down. You’re not sure the source of its magic, but it does seem very old. It seems like it’s been shaped or it’s been polished from whatever its raw form was at one point in time. LIAM: Well, this evening I’m going to use it for the grand purpose of being my pillow in the bag, so I’m going to sleep. MATT: Okay. LIAM: It’s in the bag. LAURA: (whispers) I’m putting it back on my body. LIAM: Does my head do this? LAURA: Oh, you were sleeping on it? MATT: Yeah, using it as a pillow. LAURA: Just kidding! MARISHA: Hey, Fjord. TRAVIS: Yep. MARISHA: Let me ask you something. TRAVIS: Shoot. MARISHA: I think I messed up. I think maybe I should apologize to Caleb. I’m not very good at apologizing, though. I was wondering if maybe you could give me some pointers for apologizing. TRAVIS: You’re not good at apologizing? MARISHA: You’re being facetious, aren’t you? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m fucking with you. You reckon you need to apologize? MARISHA: I probably got a little too aggressive, probably shouldn’t have grabbed him like that. Got a little too angry. That’s not necessarily my good side, you know, don’t like people seeing that. TRAVIS: You know, a great place to start with apologies is to mention the stuff you just said. MARISHA: That I’m not good at apologies? TRAVIS: No, after that, right. MARISHA: I got a little too aggressive? TRAVIS: One. MARISHA: And I have a bad side. TRAVIS: Dos. MARISHA: And I shouldn’t have done it. TRAVIS: Yeah, that’s a really good apology. MARISHA: Is that pretty good? TRAVIS: Yeah. However, right? Be genuine. Don’t be embarrassed to apologize. It takes a big person to apologize for something. Little people are the ones that make mistakes and just let them go. MARISHA: Oh, like Nott? A little person. TRAVIS: No, like small on the inside. MARISHA: Right, like in your soul. TRAVIS: That’s big of you. MARISHA: It’s, you know, I want to try, I guess. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think he deserves that. He’s been good to us. MARISHA: Yeah, I think so. TRAVIS: All right. MARISHA: Hopefully it goes well. TRAVIS: I think it will. You can actually leave the smile out of it this time, just to be clear. MARISHA: Oh, okay. Not like: I’m sorry! TRAVIS: No, that’s going to set the tone in a real weird way. There’s a thing called sarcasm that you ride a line with sometimes. MARISHA: Okay, that’s good to know. MATT: All right, the rest of you find yourselves to sleep, or is there anything else you wish to do before the night’s done? Any order of taking watch, or are you all just resting under the protection of Caleb’s silver thread? TRAVIS: No. Beau and I are up first. LAURA: I’ll do second. MATT: Okay. SAM: Second as well. MATT: We’ll say that was for your first watch. While you guys are having that conversation, one of you roll with advantage on your perception check, or you can both roll separately, your call. MARISHA: Let’s roll separately. Oof, terrible. TRAVIS: Yep. Five. MARISHA: Five. MATT: Oh, leave him hanging. LAURA: Her perception is low, you wouldn’t see the high five. MATT: That’s true. MARISHA: Five? Oh five! MATT: Good in-character moment there. As you guys are finishing your conversation, your watch comes to an end without incident. TRAVIS: With an arrow in our throat? I didn’t see– (choking) MATT: You rest so easily with the blood leaking out. You finish your watch, you wake up Nott and Jester, and you guys take on your second watch. Do you want to both make a roll for perception or– LAURA: Let’s roll separately! MATT: Okay! Worked out great last time. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: That’s a four. LAURA: Oh no. I think it’s 12 for me. MATT: Okay. SAM: High roll! MATT: While you guys are taking some time, concentrating on listening out for anything and feeling pretty solid in your ability to maintain vigil across this dark, eerie night in the center of this hollow tree, you don’t hear or see a goddamned thing. But a little twinkle hits your ears, Caleb. SAM: Oh shit! MATT: As suddenly something down below, by the pool on the opposite end of that kidney-shaped interior cavern, seems to go off. LIAM: I’m awake? MATT: Yes, you come to consciousness. LIAM: They’re awake? MATT: They are awake. LIAM: Ah, fish, Nott. SAM: No, we’re on watch. We haven’t seen anything, it’s just a dream. LIAM: No, down below, in my– LAURA: In the cavern? In the tunnel? LIAM: Yeah. LAURA: What should we do? Should we wake everyone up? SAM: We should wake everyone up! LIAM: Wake up! MARISHA: Ow! LAURA: Wake up! SAM: Fjord! (cawing) TRAVIS: What, what? SAM: Don’t wake up Kiri, though. She deserves a really nice night’s sleep. LAURA: She really does, let her sleep. MATT: She’s all curled up in the corner, like (trilling) with her feathers all poofed up. SAM: I’m going to give her my blanket. LIAM: I’m going to send Frumpkin to crawl down and get a look. MATT: Okay, roll a stealth check for Frumpkin. LAURA: Does Frumpkin fall down the tunnel, then? MATT: Cats can do some pretty crazy shit. LIAM: It’s fine. Good, four. MATT: Okay. Frumpkin drops down onto the soft and makes it around. Focusing on it, you can see that another merrow has emerged into that chamber and– nope. LAURA: We didn’t hide the bodies. MATT: Goes around and sees the bodies there lying in the middle of the space. He (growls). LIAM: Oh, we left the corpses out. LAURA: Oops. MATT: He goes and drags him back a little bit, begins rifling through whatever it might have had, and looks over right at Frumpkin. Grabs the trident spear and throws it. LAURA: Did you snap him out? LIAM: I don’t know. MATT: You weren’t close enough to do that, I don’t think. LIAM: No? 100 feet. MATT: 100 feet to snap him back, or is it shorter than that? Double-check on that real fast. LAURA: Oh, again, again! TALIESIN: Kitten kebab. SAM: I remember saying that we should hide the corpses and Cali actually said, “Don’t do it, "there’s no point to it.” So we should blame Cali. LAURA: I don’t remember Cali saying that. SAM: That’s what Cali said. LIAM: I actually have no memory of anything on range for bamfing in and out, but I will defer to you because you’re my DM. MATT: “As an action, you can temporarily dismiss your familiar.” It doesn’t say range. “You can "cause it to reappear within 30 feet of you.” That’s what I forgot. So you can do that. The last thing you see, briefly, before Frumpkin vanishes, is this three-pronged trident rocking through the darkness, with what faint little bit of visibility that Frumpkin has, not even being able to see much down there in the darkness before disappearing. LIAM: Ja, there is one down there right now and he tried to kill my cat. LAURA: Should we go down there or should we stay up here? TRAVIS: Hit the wall against the hole, right? We’ll take either side of it, either flank. SAM: Why don’t we just blow up the hole? TRAVIS: No, because we still want to go down there. SAM: Why do we want to go down there? There’s crazy people down there! LAURA: Nott, shut up! Because there’s treasure and stuff. SAM: You could just say, “Be quiet.” LAURA: Nott, please be quiet. SAM: Thank you. TRAVIS: Molly, I want you to get right on the edge of the hole and keep an eye down the shaft. MATT: (chirping) (like Jester) “Go fuck yourself.” LAURA: Oh, I love her! SAM: We woke her up, though, but it was cute. LAURA: Kiri, (shushing). LIAM: Am I able to prepare Magic Missile like a held spell for a fish head popping out of the hole? MATT: Holding your action, if it comes back around, the spell is either fizzled or released. So you can wait for something and then cast the spell as an action. LIAM: But I’d lose the slot if I held the– MATT: If you ended up holding it for a few minutes, yes, because the idea is that you’re casting the spell and then holding onto that last piece of the incantation. LIAM: I won’t do that, then, but I will watch the hole. SAM: Is our rope still dangling down the hole? MATT: No, you pulled the rope up. LAURA: I’m going to hold Sacred Flame because it’s a cantrip. TALIESIN: I’m going to activate one sword, hold it behind my back, sit at the edge, and wait to give a swing. See if anything is going to pop up. TRAVIS: Let it come all the way up if it does. SAM: If it comes up, should we grab it? TRAVIS: Grapple it, fall flat, kill it quietly. MATT: You guys take a moment in silence. LAURA: It might be going back and telling its friends, though, and they’re all going to come back. MARISHA: You think those guys have strong family bonds? LAURA: Probably. MATT: Two minutes pass. Three minutes pass. LAURA: Oh no. What if it digs up a hole in another area, you guys? MATT: Then you hear this ever-so-faint grinding of root on scale. This merrow sentinel slides, slithering like a snake out of the curtain of roots that currently cover that one portion of the wall that leads further beneath the safe house. All of you guys take a surprise round. As soon as it emerges to go ahead and inspect, it’s like, “Huh?” TRAVIS: It came up the tunnel that was already there? MATT: Yeah. It emerged and jack-in-the-boxed out towards you. LAURA: Dex save of 15. MATT: That is a four, nope! LAURA: Ten radiant damage. MATT: Ten radiant damage. Good to know. SAM: I fired and missed with a natural one. MATT: Oh, buddy. (whoosh) Nothing. TALIESIN: Just a standard attack, or standard and bonus? MATT: For the purpose of it all happening at once, just one attack. TALIESIN: Two strikes or one strike? MATT: Two strikes. It’s whatever your attack action is. TALIESIN: That’s awful. 11? MATT: Misses. TALIESIN: And an eight. MATT: Both miss. Unfortunately, because you guys don’t have any light in here, when it emerges, you’re all swinging in the darkness hoping to hit it in the direction of where it is. LIAM: I have no lights up, so I should be at disadvantage, right? MATT: You would be, yes. LIAM: I’m going to roll again. What does that say? MATT: Is this Magic Missile? LIAM: No, I had to Fire Bolt so it wouldn’t matter how long I held it. My lower is a 12. MATT: That misses. MARISHA: I rolled a 20 total. That’s 11 damage. My second attack missed. MATT: All right. TRAVIS: I did Eldritch Blast and a 20 and a 24. MATT: Both hit. Roll damage. TRAVIS: Ten and a nine. 19 points of Eldritch Blast. MATT: All righty. ASHLEY: I rolled a ten, total. MATT: On your first attack? ASHLEY: Second attack. There we go. That’s a 21. TALIESIN: Someone hit something. Yay. LAURA: You should really separate out your dice, Ashley. ASHLEY: I know it’s making you crazy. TRAVIS: Monstrous or–? MATT: They are considered monstrosities, so consider that for any damage you deal to them with your sword. TRAVIS: I will. MATT: You’re not raging, so you don’t have the plus two. Nor do you have your– ASHLEY: Path of Divine. MATT: Correct, because you’re not raging. ASHLEY: It’s ten. MATT: That’s enough. Even with all of your misses, you watch as it emerges, and then (multiple impacts) and slumps. Yeah, as you grab it, it starts sliding back into the tunnel. You grab and lift him– he’s heavy as shit– and you all together manage to slip it into and onto the floor. LIAM: I just watched all that. TALIESIN: I’m staying on guard in case anything else comes through. MATT: Fair enough. TRAVIS: Yeah, same. MATT: What little bit of light you have in the chamber right now is a little faint, radiant glow from the sword that Molly currently has that is like candlelight, if anything. LIAM: I’m going to pull out a rag and do my veiled lantern thing with Dancing Lights. LAURA: You should probably put another one of those things up, Caleb. LIAM: Put one of what things up? LAURA: Another alarm! LIAM: Down there? You want me to go down there? ASHLEY: Do you want me to go with you? TRAVIS: Yeah, you and Yasha go. ASHLEY: Okay, let’s go. SAM and LAURA: No! LIAM: I’m going to send Frumpkin down again. MATT: Frumpkin emerges, you send Frumpkin back down. Make a stealth check for Frumpkin. LIAM: Come on, Frumpy. Nine. TRAVIS: Nein! MATT: The loudest cat you’ve ever heard. Frumpkin is the neighborhood cat in heat at this point. He makes his way down through the tunnel. Make a perception check with disadvantage for Frumpkin because he’s now coming around the edge. LIAM: Someone told me that cats have advantage on perception. Are they full of shit? You’re my DM. Would it cancel out, is why I’m asking? MATT: Would it cancel out? I would ask you to keep the stats of your cat on you for future reference. LIAM: I will. MATT: They have advantage on wisdom perception checks that rely on smell. I’d say sure. LIAM: So cancel? MATT: Yeah, it’ll cancel out, so a straight roll. LAURA: And it’s a fish. Cats are really perceptive when it comes to fish. LIAM: That’s pretty good. Perception, 19. MATT: Okay. Frumpkin heads on down, keeps an eye out on that space, does a little pass. No sign of any other emerging or present merrow. TALIESIN: Instead of putting another wire down there, you could leave Frumpkin down there, and he can alert us if there’s any problem. TRAVIS: But he’s got to stay awake for it. LIAM: He could watch, but the alarm is just as good. It’s automatic, gets me up, Frumpkin can sleep. After you. SAM: You’re going down there? LIAM: Ja. SAM: By yourselves? LAURA: With Yasha. ASHLEY: With me. SAM: Take good care of him. ASHLEY: I will. TALIESIN: If we hear anything, we’re going to charge down there. They’ll be fine. SAM: He can’t make it without you. ASHLEY: I know. SAM: He will not come back alive. ASHLEY: I know. I will take care of him as best as I can. Even better than that, I will take care of him. I promise you, he will not die. SAM: He will have no chance of survival. Okay. MATT: Slowly lowering the rope back down the tunnel, which one of you is taking point on climbing down? ASHLEY: I will go first. MATT: You make your way down, the rope aiding you in the process. You get to the bottom, you as well. I’d like you both to roll stealth checks, please, as you emerge in the lower cavern. LIAM: 12. ASHLEY: 13. MATT: You two gingerly step your way around the edge, back to the site you can see of the three corpses of the merrow there in the center of the opposite side of the cavern. LIAM: I have my hand on Yasha’s enormous, rippling shoulder. MATT: As you make your way around to the other pool, you can see the water, disturbed relatively recently, isn’t perfectly still, but it’s nearing there. It’s coming to rest. No sign of anything down there. ASHLEY: Okay, do your shit. LIAM: I need about ten minutes. In the dark, I pull out the thread and I start doing the thing. ASHLEY: Make it a little faster than ten if you can. LIAM: I can’t do that, but I will do that. MATT: Five minutes go by. SAM: I’m going to cast Message. Are you still alive? You can reply to this message. TALIESIN: Mention that they should clean up the bodies. SAM: Oh, yeah. While Yasha’s waiting, she can clean up the bodies. You can reply to this message. ASHLEY: I will start to move the bodies. LAURA and ASHLEY: Stealthily. LIAM: We’ll say that I said that out loud to her. ASHLEY: Yes. What did you say? LIAM: Nott had a wonderful idea for you to pick up all of the dead things. MATT: Yasha, you begin to drag the bodies back into the central pool. They sink. ASHLEY: Flow in. MATT: All right. You complete the latter half of it. Okay. You finish the spell, you sense the arcane, unseen net of the alarm click in, and it’s prepared and set to keep watch. LIAM: Let’s get the shit out of here. LAURA: (whispering) Run away! ASHLEY: Let’s go. MATT: You guys make your way back, climb back up the rope, and make your way into the interior of the tree, seemingly without incident. ASHLEY: Seemingly? LAURA: I’m going back to sleep, you guys. I need to get my spells back. ASHLEY: I’ll take the next watch since I’m awake. MATT: Yasha takes final watch. Go ahead and roll a perception check for me. LIAM: I’m freaked out, so I’m going to stay up with Yasha. MATT: Both of you guys make perception checks for me, please. LIAM: Perception, 11. SAM: (singing) Run away, run away! ASHLEY: 15. MATT: As you guys complete the third watch for the evening, you sense the morning come as the temperature, which previously had gotten quite chilled, is beginning to rise a bit, though now you can still see your breath in the air. A faint bit of bluish light begins to appear at the outer edges of the driftwood piece that is wedged in the doorway to make it look flush with the rest of the exterior bark. You all complete a long rest. You have your abilities back, your hit points full, and you are ready to continue. LIAM: Could I back up one hour and ask Yasha a quick question? MATT: Sure. LIAM: This is a small group for you, you traveled with the circus. ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: This is a big group for me. ASHLEY: It is? LIAM: Do you have any advice? ASHLEY: Well, I mean– LIAM: You seem awkward like me. ASHLEY: Yeah. LIAM: But you made it work with a lot of people. ASHLEY: Well, if someone has a conversation with me, I will talk to them. LIAM: I’ve tried that too, and it goes horribly. ASHLEY: No, I don’t think it goes as bad as you think. LIAM: I think it goes pretty bad. ASHLEY: I mean, yes, sometimes I think it’s been pretty bad even for me sometimes, watching you. But that doesn’t mean– there’s always room for improvement– LIAM: I’m confused, did you have advice? ASHLEY: I don’t think I’m good at giving advice, but just talk to people if they talk to you, and be nice, you know. Eat with your mouth closed, wash your hands. LIAM: I start writing these things down. TRAVIS: Oh my god. ASHLEY: Wash your hair when you can, that’s fine. LIAM: It just rained though. This is the cleanest I’ve been in weeks. ASHLEY: (dubious noise) I feel like you’re still– how do you stay dirty all the time? LIAM: Most of the time I’m trying to. People don’t pay attention to beggars so much. ASHLEY: So you don’t want people to pay attention to you. LIAM: Yeah, in general. ASHLEY: I get that. I feel that way, but I’m hard to miss. I don’t mean that in a, “Woo, I’m hard to miss.” LIAM: You’re as big as a giant barn, you are hard to miss. ASHLEY: Yeah. Well, I– LIAM: Do you know what I miss? ASHLEY: What? LIAM: Shaving. ASHLEY: I could shave you right now with my sword. TRAVIS: (quietly) Yes! ASHLEY: I’ve done it before, I like to not have hair on my arms. This is what I do. I really think that cleanliness and hygiene is very important. LIAM: One thing that I have realized today is that I need to work on my interpersonal skills and friendship making. So try not to cut up my face, okay? ASHLEY: Okay, do you just want a trim? Is there a certain look you want? LIAM: No, leave my hair on my head, but I have not had a clean-shaven face in a long time. ASHLEY: Do you want it all gone, or you just want–? LIAM: No, you can take it all. ASHLEY: It’s easier to do that. LIAM: You can crush a person, but I’m not quite sure how dexterous you are, so I don’t want any fancy tricks. ASHLEY: I won’t. I’m going to hold it like this, and then the blade– this is how I do it. I hold it, and then I whoosh, you know? LIAM: Okay. SAM: This is your five-foot greatsword? (laughter) ASHLEY: So sit here. LIAM: Should I lie on the ground? ASHLEY: Oh yeah, lie down. I’ve never done it like that, but yeah, lie down. LIAM: Have you done this before? ASHLEY: I have done this before. LIAM: With that? ASHLEY: Not with this, something a little smaller. LIAM: I lie on the floor. MATT: Okay. In the early dawn hours of the new day, as the blue begins to slowly become brighter in the distance– LIAM: Wait! This means we are friends. ASHLEY: Yes. LIAM: (inhales) ASHLEY: You don’t have to hold your breath because it will take a very long time and you’ll pass out. LIAM: That might be better. ASHLEY: You need to relax, breathe in, breathe out. Okay, I got it. Here we go. MATT: I would like you to roll a dexterity check, please. Take advantage because he’s not moving. LIAM: Four globules of light rise up around you as you begin to shave. ASHLEY: 16. MATT: Maybe it’s the tensile strength of her arm muscles, but such a large instrument seems unexpectedly delicate across the features of your face. It’s not a complete shave, there are areas that get missed because it’s not a very fine implement, but for the most part, the stubble gets closer to your face. There are a few sections that are unevenly smooth, but it’s an improvement from where it was before. It’s as good a shave you can get with a greatsword. Manages to avoid nicking any major arteries, and as you complete your work, you’re proud of it, the sweat on your brow– Caleb has no idea of how it looks other than you reaching up and touching your chin as it finishes. The rest of you come to consciousness. LAURA: Are you killing Caleb?! ASHLEY: No, I was giving him a shave. LAURA: Oh. Whoa! MARISHA: Wow. SAM: It’s much better. LAURA: You have a little thing! You have a little dimple on your chin! That’s the cutest! I didn’t know. TRAVIS: So boyish. MARISHA: Yeah, you almost look innocent. SAM: It looks good! LIAM: Caleb’s inner monologue is: I want to shrivel up and die. TRAVIS: Nice work, Yasha. ASHLEY: You know, if anyone else– none of you– SAM: Or Jester might want a bikini. LAURA: Maybe soon, yeah. ASHLEY: Yeah, I mean, I’ve done it before. TALIESIN: This I can confirm. LAURA: Should we gear up and head down and kill a bunch of fish people? TRAVIS: Indeed. LAURA: All right. LIAM: I take a brief moment with the dodecahedron before handing the bag back to Jester. LAURA: So you don’t forget. LIAM: I’ll forget. TRAVIS: Take the rope, we start lowering it down there. LAURA: Stealthily. SAM: We’re going down there? Again? TRAVIS: Yep. LAURA: Yeah, we’re killing everything. TALIESIN: On the way down, I smack Caleb a bit on the back and say: Well done, she likes you! And head down. LAURA: Should I cast Pass without a Trace on us and be stealthier? TRAVIS: I think right before we go under the water we should. SAM: Under the water? TRAVIS: Oh yeah, this is an amphibious assault. SAM: How many v’s are in that word? ASHLEY: What did you say? TRAVIS: Like five. TALIESIN: Amvivious. TRAVIS: Amphibious. Yeah, there’s a sea “anenome” under there as well. SAM: I don’t do well with water. I don’t think I can go down there. Why don’t I stay watch? TRAVIS: Why aren’t you good in water? SAM: I don’t like water. TRAVIS: You can hold your breath, right? SAM: Probably. LAURA: What if I hold onto you and push you along? TALIESIN: Are you going to be all right with Caleb going without you? MARISHA: Remember our swimming lesson? SAM: I don’t like it, though. TRAVIS: Listen, when we get down there, I’m going to swim a rope under the water to where we’re going. It’s going to be like a guide line, so whoever you ride with can pull on the rope and you’ll just hang on. LIAM: It’s a bad idea for you to stay. We would need you. MATT: (chirping) LAURA: Oh Kiri. MATT: Pulls the knife out. (like Fjord) “It’s an amphibious assault.” TRAVIS: Fuck you, Kiri. SAM: Taking the piss. LAURA: Where should we leave Kiri for this? We can’t bring her over with us. SAM: I’ll stay with Kiri. You guys can go, and I can stay with Kiri. ASHLEY: I don’t like that idea. LAURA: We need you, Nott. SAM: I’m not good at many things. LAURA: Yeah you are! You can shoot things. And you can sneak around. LIAM: You’re not very good at finding traps, but everything else you’re quite good at. ASHLEY: Then what are we going to do with Kiri? MARISHA: She can’t go with us. TRAVIS: No, she can’t. We could leave her in here with you if you want, but if you see trouble you’re going to have to get in that water and come across. SAM: (groans) TRAVIS: Yep. SAM: (groans) TRAVIS: Yep. One or the other. MATT: (like Jester) “Yes, I’m very sweet.” SAM: I’ll stay with Kiri, and if there’s trouble, we’ll see what happens. LAURA: Kiri, you stay here with Nott, then, okay? TALIESIN: We’re going to be one down, then. TRAVIS: All right, I’ll take the other 50-foot section of rope and I’ll start wading into the water, and I’ll take a swim back the way I went. LAURA: Wait, wait! Pass Without a Trace. TRAVIS: (high-pitched sound) MATT: All right, so Pass Without a Trace. LAURA: Yes. TALIESIN: Is that the sound of Pass Without a Trace? TRAVIS: It’s like Aqua Velva. TALIESIN: Like Ed Wynn getting tickled. MATT: It’s true. TALIESIN: Oh my! MATT: Pass Without a Trace. What’s the range on that? LAURA: 30 feet. So it’s not going to to be for a very long time. But– TRAVIS: What do you mean? LAURA: Well it’s only 30 feet in front of– around me. MATT: So you may want to go next. LAURA: You’ll go away– huh? MATT: You may want to go next then if you want that to affect other people. LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Don’t worry about me. I’m just swimming over there and coming back. And then we can cast it. MATT: Okay. TRAVIS: It’s a guideline. MATT: You, for the moment, wade into it and (burbling). You guys watch as Fjord, once again, disappears beneath the surface of the water. Now with the confidence of knowing that there is a breaking point and air ahead, that fear doesn’t creep up into your brain and you rush for it. Making your way through, make an athletics check. TRAVIS: 12. MATT: 12, okay. You manage to find it through, and then come up quietly, just– TRAVIS: Apocalypse Now. MATT: Yeah, Apocalypse Now and/or The Descent. You slowly emerge from the water. LAURA: Ugh, The Descent. Now it makes me want to swim through that little tunnel even less! MATT: Yeah! MARISHA: So Descent-y, you guys! MATT: Glancing up, your range of darkvision is 30 feet or 60 feet? TRAVIS: 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet, okay. TRAVIS: Where is that? Class features– MATT: Racial features, it should say. TRAVIS: Racial traits. Darkvision. 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet, great. That gives you enough perspective for now as you come up and look. You can see this chamber, and you got a brief glance at it before. Most of it is natural rock, but there are elements of it that look like it was once an old bit of mason architecture. You can see edges where there are actual stones stacked and placed. Walls that have seemingly been partially reclaimed through the ages. You can see two large central pillars where stalagmite and stalactite met eventually and created a structure in the center. A large portion of the floor is submerged in water, and you see different paths and avenues of it that curve off and vanish. Probably openings to other tunnels beneath. The pool you’re in right there, looking up you can see there’s that weird set of natural stairs that step up in front. You can see four of these merrow creatures, two of which are in a conversation off to the left, two that are currently rummaging through what looks to be piles of things that have been pulled up and placed toward the top of the stair. You can hear the clinking of metal and things falling and tumbling down the stairs. You see a fifth figure that’s at the outskirts of your visual range that’s currently faced away and looking at whatever’s on the other side of that upward pillar. But nobody else seems to have noticed you emerging at this point. You haven’t made any shifting or movement. TRAVIS: Do they have an eyeline on me if they were to look over this way? Could they see my head above the water? MATT: It’s possible if they were looking carefully for you. You don’t know how far their darkvision extends. TRAVIS: Can I wade forward and look for any stones or pillars that I might be able to throw the rope around and tie a knot on? MATT: Looking around you can see there are small mounds of various minerals that have long dripped from the ceiling from condensation and various water flows that have come through this interior cavern and built this hard, rocky platform that’s emerging just outside of where the pool ends. So you can bring the rope around and affix it to that. Make a stealth check as you do so, please. TRAVIS: That’s a two. SAM: Pass Without a Trace. LAURA: Well no. He didn’t take it. More than 30 feet away from me, right? He’s more than 30 feet away from me. MATT: He is, yes. LAURA: I should have given him Blessing of the Trickster. Oh no! TRAVIS: Yep! That’s amazing. MATT: That’s a natural one. You lucky son of a bitch! Through whatever grace your patron has granted upon you– TRAVIS: I’m in the water, man. MATT: The merrow are too distracted with whatever they are in the process of doing to notice you slip and hit an elbow, send a pebble falling. You get low and finish tying it off. They don’t notice. TRAVIS: Okay, great. I’ll give it a gentle tug. Does it seem like the structure moves at all? MATT: No. It seems pretty solid. TRAVIS: I’ll take a deep breath and I’ll use it to pull myself chest up towards the surface. MATT: Easy enough. So after a few moments, Fjord emerges back where you guys are waiting. LAURA: Hey, you made it! TRAVIS: Yeah. Still five of them. I tied it off. Everybody should be able to pull their way across no problem. But we got to be ready to rock when we get in there. They’re a little distracted. MARISHA: Are we going to try and wait in the water and ambush as we go? TRAVIS: Yeah. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Or distract away from us and then go. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Or if we want we could cause a commotion and have them come through the water at us and use the hole as a funnel. MARISHA: As a funnel? Might not be a bad idea. TRAVIS: Thoughts? LAURA: That might be smarter, and then you could fight with us, Nott, for a while at least. SAM: I mean, I don’t like fighting, but sure. LAURA: You’re so good at it, Nott! ASHLEY: Someone’s going to have to go make a distraction and then make it back. MARISHA: And I bet those things are pretty good swimmers. TALIESIN: Super fast in the water. I bet they’re really fast in the water. SAM: We could tie the rope– oh, we can’t tie the rope to you, because now it’s tied on the other side. TRAVIS: I’m a very fast swimmer. MARISHA: But faster than fish? TRAVIS: I think it’s 60 feet, actually, is my swimming speed with this damn Mariner’s armor. Ignore what I said. LAURA: Your regular swimming speed. TRAVIS: Regular speed, yeah. (laughter) MATT: Your swim speed is half your movement. TRAVIS: Well then yeah, it’s 30 feet. MATT: 15 feet. TRAVIS: Well with it, it’s my normal walking speed. MATT: Oh right, with that it is, yes. SAM: So you’re a fast swimmer. LAURA: So yeah, that’s pretty good. TALIESIN: But probably not as fast as they are. TRAVIS: Nah, could I guesstimate how far it was from entrance to portal? Where the rope is? MATT: From where you are to the– make a survival check. TRAVIS: 13. MATT: 13. Best you could estimate, it’s close to 40 or so feet. LIAM: How long has he been gone for? TRAVIS: I’m back. MATT: He’s back. LIAM: Oh, you’re in here talking about what was there. LAURA: What if we just made a lot of noise in here? TALIESIN: I’m of the opinion that the problem with this bottleneck is we don’t know what they are doing on the other side. It would be easier to assess what’s coming and make sure that they can’t– if we take care of everything there, then we can assess what’s there and they can’t prepare or get more together. Have time to– TRAVIS: So you want to head over there? TALIESIN: I feel like over there is the way to go. TRAVIS: Okay. I see the validity in that argument. LAURA: I’ll get in the water. TRAVIS: Pass Without a Trace first? LAURA: Well yeah! TRAVIS: Okay! TALIESIN: We’ll stay together in a group. LAURA: How long did you have to hold your breath for, Fjord? TRAVIS: I don’t know. About 45, 50 seconds. LAURA: Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Pass Without a Trace. MATT: Coming back on the rope, it’s a lot easier. Your first dive down took a while to feel your way through. LIAM: I was distracted. I was thinking about my books. I don’t want them to get harmed. Your bag is probably water resistant, yeah? LAURA: I don’t know, but we can try it. Give me your books, Caleb. Give me the books. ASHLEY: Do you want to leave them with Nott? LIAM: I do want to leave them with Nott. I’m going to unharness the– SAM: Can you still cast spells? LIAM: Yeah. SAM: Oh, okay. TALIESIN: I’ll leave my coat here. I’m not dragging that into the water. LIAM: If you come after us, would you please hide them under a stone or something? SAM: Sure. TRAVIS: How many books you got there? LIAM: Two. TALIESIN: That’s a very nice sling thing. It’d be a shame if anything happened to it. Are you sure you’re not coming? SAM: My duty is to take care of Kiri. Right? MATT: (chirping) TRAVIS: Shall we, Pass Without a Trace? LAURA: I did it already! TRAVIS: Shit balls ass! Let’s do it. LAURA: Lasts for an hour, though, so it’s okay. MATT: Kiri leans into you. “This means we are friends.” LAURA: She heard! MATT: She woke up early. SAM: Sounds like Caleb. Wow. ASHLEY: Wait, that was– okay. MARISHA: She’s going to rattle off some secrets. TRAVIS: Kiri’s got to die. Thousands of artists are like (gasping). LAURA: Who’s first? Are you going back through first? TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll go first. LAURA: Okay. I’ll go second. People should follow quickly behind me because you’ve got to stay within 30 feet of me. TALIESIN: One quick attack, or do we try and take them out quietly? I assume– well, we’ll take a look at what it is. TRAVIS: Distract and attack. LAURA: So we’re doing the distract? But then they know somebody’s there! If we just come out of the water and attack, we get a sneak attack. TRAVIS: If they don’t see us. TALIESIN: If they don’t see us, then we get the sneak attack. And if they do– LAURA: Just go for it! TALIESIN: We’ll see what we see. TRAVIS: As I go in the water, I’m going to go about halfway and then stop and tread and make sure that everybody gets along the rope fine. MATT: Okay, all right. You’re casting Pass Without a Trace first? All right. You finish casting the spell. The shadows, already super dark in here with almost no light source beyond what Caleb’s providing, they coalesce around you and the rest of the members of the team as you all dive into the pool of water. It’s black. LAURA: Caleb, Blessing of the Trickster on the way through. MATT: To Caleb? Okay. Blessing of the Trickster on you, that’s advantage on your stealth checks. I need everybody, including Fjord, to roll a stealth check, please. Plus ten to your stealth score. MARISHA: Natural 20! MATT: They rolled really high. TALIESIN: 16. TRAVIS: Thank god for that Pass Without a Trace. 19. MARISHA: 37. SAM: Jesus! LIAM: Yeah, girl! Yeah! MATT: That’s some Vax numbers right there! LIAM: Zweiundzwanzig. 22. LAURA: Oh, 16. Oh, no! 18! TALIESIN and ASHLEY: 16. LIAM: Yeah. That’s good, Ashley. MARISHA: I am one with the water. MATT: You guys all quickly emerge from the water below, your eyes focusing. There is no light source in this chamber. So for those of you– you have your darkvision on. You guys all have darkvision, I am pretty sure, except for you, Caleb. So you’re relying on the rest of them to give any sort of presence– LIAM: Listening to their footfalls. MATT: Yeah, so. TALIESIN: I am so excited. LIAM: So pretty! LAURA: Wow! Where are we? ASHLEY: Wow wowie wow! SAM: What is happening? Why is there a remote control? LAURA: Oh, he’s putting water effects on it! Shut up! SAM: Ooh, it just got blue! LAURA: Oh my gosh! MATT: I would need you guys to place yourselves amongst this pool. MARISHA: There it goes! LIAM: Here comes the smoke! TRAVIS: Oh shit, we got smoke! LAURA: We’ve never had smoke before! TALIESIN: I didn’t think I’d enjoy this quite so soon. MATT: Kiri and Nott exist on the outskirts. ASHLEY: This is Dungeons & Dragons! MATT: As you guys glance up, the first thing you see is there is one merrow right there who’s currently talking and discussing with one right here. LIAM: This is wrong. This is right. MATT: Place yourselves where you want to be. LIAM: That’s still wrong, that’s right. MATT: There’s one at the base of this, right there. Up at the top, facing away, is the one that you had seen at the top of the stairs, Fjord. TRAVIS: That’s the one that was distracted. MATT: As you guys all emerge headfirst from the water, everybody gets a surprise round except for Yasha and Molly, unfortunately. You two did not roll high enough to beat the stealth. TRAVIS: They rolled really high. MATT: They rolled pretty high. Everyone roll initiative, but you guys will be out of this round. LIAM: Don’t fuck me, Colville. You fucked me, Colville. TALIESIN: Do we want to try and do a clockwise attack? Knock them out as we go? LAURA: Should we try to do a distraction? MATT: 25 to 20? ASHLEY: 21. TRAVIS: Yo, what’s up? ASHLEY: Might be a first. MATT: I know. 20 to 15? TRAVIS: 20 to 15? LAURA: Oh Jesus. TRAVIS: Oh fuck. Oh shit. LAURA: Oh no. MATT: 15 to ten? MARISHA: 12. TRAVIS: What? Oh my god, you guys. SAM: Oh no. Single digits and 21. ASHLEY: That’s a first. MATT: Ten to five? TALIESIN: Seven. LAURA: Eight. LIAM: Sechs. MATT: Okay, hold on. TRAVIS: Jester. TALIESIN: Molly, Caleb. TRAVIS: Caleb, Molly. SAM: What about you, Fjord? TRAVIS: I’m a big fat three. ALL: Ooh! LAURA: Oh my lord. MATT: Nott, you’re not engaging? Just for the sake of it. SAM: One. MATT: Wow, guys. SAM: I have a plus four to initiative, so I guess that’s five. MATT: That’s still better than Fjord. SAM: My natural one beats yours. MATT: You all emerge from it. Yasha, you would be first, but your stealth, you did not surprise the individuals from this round point. He doesn’t notice you guys, that’s a seven. Beau, you’re up first. MARISHA: Wow, okay. Beau’s up first. Are we just going to go for these guys? We’re not going to do some sort of distraction? TRAVIS: We got the surprise round, so it’s fine. This is the surprise round. MATT: Now that you’re getting a better view of this, you can see a low mist is pouring down the stairs and is filling the space around them. MARISHA: This is all water, I’m assuming, in the middle? MATT: All of this is water, yeah. TRAVIS: Okay, good. It’s acid. MARISHA: Can I move? I’m going to go for this guy. MATT: (counting) Easy enough. You get right to him. MARISHA: Is there a way I can jump across and try and fight him from over here? Do I have enough? MATT: You’ll splash in the water. You won’t make it all the way to the opposite side, or you may, but he’ll get an attack of opportunity on you as you dart out of his melee range. MARISHA: Okay, no. I’m going to try and do some KGB-level shit. I’m going to do a quick kidney punch and try and go for the temple. LIAM: Krav Maga! SAM: And influence the election. MATT: Actually, if you wanted to jump across, I will say because he’s surprised, and he isn’t aware that you’re there quite yet, if you want to leap across, make an acrobatics check, if you still wanted to try and do so. You will land in the water. You’ll be about waist-high in the water, if not more. MARISHA: No, I’ll be good. This is regular attacks, right? MATT: Correct. MARISHA: First attack. That was good. 20? MATT: 20 hits. MARISHA: Second attack. That’s garbage, that’s an eight. MATT: First one hits. MARISHA: Eight damage. I’m going to spend a ki and do Flurry of Blows. Two unarmed strikes. Natural one. MATT: Nope. TRAVIS: Man, that thing does not make up its mind. MARISHA: No, it does not. 24. MATT: 24 hits. Roll damage for that fourth attack. MARISHA: Four damage. Wait, I rolled the wrong one. That’s much better. Ten damage. I’m going to spend another ki point and do Stunning Strike. Jab to the ribs. MATT: Natural 17. It resists the stun, I’m sorry. But it’s doing damage to it. As you slam into it again, turns around. It looks like it’s surprised and reeling from the impact of it. MARISHA: You were supposed to go to sleep. MATT: Gills flaring angrily towards your face. Some spittle flies out of its growling mouth. That finishes your turn, Beau? MARISHA: Yeah. It’ll be awesome when that Stunning Strike works. MATT: Jester, you’re up. LAURA: I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon right next to that one that Beau’s fighting. MATT: Right here, or this side? LAURA: No, in between the two of them. Yeah, right there. MATT: Floating in the air. LAURA: At level three. MATT: Oh snap, all right. Go make your attack roll. LAURA: It’s extra big, that’s right. It’s got more sparkle to it. It’s got more sparkly bits. TALIESIN: Marshmallow in the center. LAURA: I’m going to try to attack the one that Beau is attacking TALIESIN: Oh my god. LAURA: That was on 20– TALIESIN: And then it was like: nope! LAURA: That is not going to hit. MATT: Nope, swings wide. However, it has apparated and is useful in future rounds. LAURA: He already took some damage, so I’m going to Toll the Dead on him for my action. MATT: That is a natural three. LAURA: He gets hit. SAM: Tolled. LAURA, TRAVIS, and MARISHA: He got Tolled. LAURA: Jesus H. Macy. Seven points of necrotic damage. MATT: Seven points of necrotic damage to him, got it. SAM: That’s pretty good. MATT: Not too bad. That finish your turn, Jester? You’re going to stay where you are? LAURA: Yes. I’m going to get out of the water, and I’m going to go stand next to that thing that’s coming out of the ground. Yeah, that thing. SAM: The booby-looking thing. LAURA: Yeah, the booby. The big pile of poo-looking thing. MATT: That finishes your go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Quick question: From the fish guy up at the top there, if that was the corner of a cube, would it reach the one down by the lollipop? MATT: How big is the cube? LIAM: 40-foot cube, excuse me, sorry. That’s probably not big enough. That’s too big, right? It’s too far? MARISHA: 40 feet’s huge. MATT: Wait, you mean from you? LIAM: If I were to hit the fish guy at the top and make that the corner of a cube and go this way, it would probably only get two of them, right? MATT: Possibly. LIAM: Forget it. I’m going to cast Haste on Mollymauk. LAURA: Would I have had enough movement to get behind the big poo pile? MATT: You would. LIAM: I can’t see. It’s dark, I’m blind. It’s the safer bet, to aid my friend on the next turn. MATT: For you, Molly. That’s to signify your Haste. Keep that in mind. LIAM: You have just been Hasted, and I am going to move along the wall this way away from the enemies that I think I can detect. MATT: You’re still in the water, thrashing, trying to make your way to the edge. Molly, you’re up, but you lose this round, because you were not part of the surprise. You were lagging a little behind, as Yasha– best way I can do this quickly, because they’re losing their turn as well. That brings us to– Nott isn’t even paying attention. Fjord. TRAVIS: Yep. I’ll make my way towards the two on the left side, as far as my– MATT: On the edge there? TRAVIS: Yeah. Oh damn, that’s as far as I can get, huh? MATT: No, you can go into the water if you want to go further. You want to get up to him? TRAVIS: Yeah, melee range. MATT: You can get melee range. You’re in the water, and you’re swimming in the water, but because of your armor, it doesn’t reduce your attacks, so you’re not taking disadvantage on your attack rolls. TRAVIS: Nice. I will use Booming Blade in a melee strike with the Wastehunter falchion against that fishy fuck. MATT: Fjord, take your one attack. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: 14 hits. TRAVIS: It does? Oh my god, thank you. 1d8, because I didn’t say two-handed. That’s 12 points of damage, plus because it’s a monstrosity? MATT: It is. TRAVIS: 12 points of damage plus four. That is a four. 18 points of damage. MATT: 18 points of damage on that guy. TRAVIS: With Booming Blade– MATT: If he moves at all, on his next turn, he takes an additional 2d8. Good to know. TRAVIS: Yes sir. With my bonus action, I will Hex this guy over here. MATT: This guy there? TRAVIS: Yes sir. MATT: He’s been Hexed. Does that finish your turn? TRAVIS: Yes, it does. MATT: As you pull back, the energy sparks around, and there’s this weird movement in the water like it’s thrashing, the booming energy keeping that one merrow locked in place, as the other one, the Hex coalesces around its chest and holds it. TRAVIS: I’ll give him disadvantage on wisdom. MATT: Wisdom checks, got it. That ends top of the round. Now Yasha, you can take your turn. The ambush round is over. ASHLEY: I’m going to mosey on up over next to Beau, and I would like to rage. TRAVIS: Yeah! LIAM and ASHLEY: (air horn blaring) LIAM: From the cavern behind us: (muffled air horn noises) ASHLEY: I’m going to pull out my blade and– SAM: Take the stubble off of it? ASHLEY: Take an attack. Give it a nice shave. That is 18. MATT: 18 hits. SAM: Come on, Yasha! Come on, Yasha, plan ahead! ASHLEY: Listen, I know, I’m sorry. Where’s the ones that I really like? There it is. (counting) 19. MATT: Nice. You rush up next to Beau, cleave down with the blade. It carves through part of its torso and it retracts and tries to pull itself lower in the water to make itself harder to hit. What are you going to do? You have a second attack, right? ASHLEY: Yeah, I have a second attack. MATT: Go for it. ASHLEY: That’s not going to hit. Eight. MATT: Eight misses, unfortunately. Next one swings, and a miss. Now the merrow all go together, because you guys left a big old gap of initiative there. LAURA: Oh no. TRAVIS: It’s after Yasha, right? MATT: Correct. First part, I’m going to say– Let’s make it fun. SAM: Yes, let’s. MATT: This guy here is going to take his trident and chuck it right towards Beau. TRAVIS: Are these free tridents, or do they also have that cord that’s attached to them? MARISHA: Like the harpoons? MATT: They have the cords still attached. That’s a 17 to hit. MARISHA: 17 is my armor class. MATT: There you go. With that to there, first off, Beau. As it strikes you in the chest, you take ten points of piercing damage, and I need you to make a strength check for me, please. MARISHA: So good at this. Just a straight check, or a saving throw? MATT: A strength check. MARISHA: 19– sorry, ten. It looked like a 19 upside down. MATT: It was a 14. You get pulled through right next to it there, in the middle of the water. As you fall to the ground, it’s going to attempt to bite at you. Since you’re in the water, outside of your terrain, I will give it advantage on the strike, because you’re now thrashing water and swimming, and it’s in its own terrain. That’ll be 18 to hit. With the bite on you there, you take an additional eight points of piercing damage. At that moment, this one here is going to turn around onto Fjord, and is going to shift this way and unleash both bite and claw attack against you, Fjord. 17 to hit? TRAVIS: That hits; it’s my armor class. MATT: For that claw attack, it’s going to be 2d4. Seven points of piercing damage against you, Fjord. TRAVIS: Okay. SAM: Did you guys scan the area for Despacito beasts? TRAVIS: Seven points of damage. MATT: It’s going to pull back after it finishes clawing into you. It’s going to try and bite down with its jaws. That’s a 19 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: You take another seven points of piercing damage. The one behind there, who sees its friend digging into Fjord’s torso and body, watches as it finishes its round of strikes and then under-handed throws its harpoon towards him. That’s another 18 to hit. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: With that, you take ten points of piercing damage. I need you to make a strength check. As it pierces, you grab it, and it manages to careen into the side of your hip, and it hits bone. You feel it grind against the inside with the pain. TRAVIS: That’s a 17. MATT: You beat it. Rolled a 15. So you do not get pulled. It does not give him his follow-up attack. However, he’s going to move forward to get his follow-up attack anyway with the rest of his movement, and is going to attempt to bite you, and is going to miss. That’s a nine. TRAVIS: Nein! MATT: He goes to bite and as you pull the harpoon out, and turn back your shield you bash the side of its face and it manages to pull back. It scrapes across its fish-like face, but no impact or damage. All right, that’s going to finish his go. The one that is right next to you, Yasha, is going to shift around, not leaving combat with you, but going behind the pillar to give itself some cover from anybody who’s out in the vicinity. It’s going to attempt to make two strikes against you. TRAVIS: I didn’t– I need to make Hex checks. MATT: Yes, you do. TRAVIS: Oh shit, how many of them? Three? MATT: Three. SAM: Ooh! TRAVIS: At advantage because War Caster, right? MATT: Yep. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: Roll higher than a ten. TRAVIS: What is that, constitution? MATT: Constitution saving throw. TRAVIS: Okay. That’s a 15. Did 15 work? MATT: 15 works. TRAVIS: Nice. Higher than a ten, sorry. That’s a natural 19, that’ll do it. And 13– that’s an 18. All three save. MATT: All righty, that’s good on your end. For you, Yasha, you didn’t use Reckless last turn, right? ASHLEY: No. MATT: That’s a natural 20 on that first strike with the claws at you. That is going to be 14 points of piercing damage, reduced to half so you only take seven because you’re raging. And the bite attack against you is a natural two plus six. No, that misses you with an eight. However, that finishes their round and this guy up here who now spins around and sees the rest of you come inside begins shouting out in a language you don’t understand (snarling). As it’s holding up this staff that has this almost crystal spike of natural crystal at the end of it, it begins to chant something under its breath. And as it spins its hand in the air, you watch as the ceiling above you in this chamber begins to grow into this low cloud that spirals out, encompassing the entirety of the interior of the chamber. LAURA: Run away! MATT: You see little sparks of lightning arcing through the cloud as it spools above. MARISHA: Motherfucking druid fish. MATT: Beau, I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, since you’re the one closest to it. MARISHA: Saving throw. MATT: Correct. MARISHA: That’s a natural one. MATT: You suffer 16 points of lightning damage as you get struck by lightning in the water. Which you watch as technically now, yeah, if any of you are in the water when the lightning hits you, you have disadvantage on your saving throw because you are in the water. Didn’t matter this time because you failed anyway, but you watch as the bolt strikes Beau and she starts thrashing in the water as the muscles tense. There’s a giant burn mark on the side of your head. TRAVIS: Oh shit, you guys! Oh, fuck. MATT: Looking pretty rough on that one. MARISHA: I just got fucked up. MATT: And it’s going to go ahead and spin itself over to the edge this way, using the one below. Getting itself between the rest of its merrow compatriots and you guys. That finishes their turn; Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Ah! Okay, I’m going to take the one who’s got a trident jabbed into my shoulder. I’m going to grab the chain and I’m going to yank it towards me as I deck him in the face twice. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: The first attack– MATT: If you want to move around to get onto land, otherwise you’re going to be having a hard time in the water here attacking them because you’re constantly swimming. MARISHA: Can I do that? MATT: You still have movement, yeah. So you can move five, ten, 15, 20, 25 there. So you manage to whip around, get out, up onto land and not end up with a disadvantage on your attacks. MARISHA: Okay, the first one is 15? MATT: 15 does hit, yes. MARISHA: Woohoo! Okay, second attack; not as good, 12. MATT: 12 does not hit, unfortunately. But the first strike, as you pull up, cracks it right in the jaw. The next one, it manages to bash your arm out of the way and it deflects off the side– no impact. MARISHA: Okay, that’s seven damage. MATT: All righty, the first strike. MARISHA: And then I am going to take my bonus and spend a ki point to do Patient Defense. MATT: Okay, so as you get up on land, you focus and looking around side-to-side, make sure that you’re aware of everything around you and get ready to defend and deflect. MARISHA: A little in shock. (pants) Ah! MATT: Okay, that finishes Beau’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to use Spiritual Weapon that I have up and try to hit that thing. MATT: Go ahead and roll the attack for that guy. LAURA: Ooh, that hits, that’s a good one. MATT: Okay, all right, what was the number? LAURA: 15 plus my attack. MATT: 15 is its armor class, so yeah, that’s fine. Well, 13 actually, so that definitely hits. LAURA: And then 2d8– seven points of force damage to him. MATT: Seven points plus your wisdom modifier. LAURA: Oh, plus four, so 11! MATT: There you go. 11 points of damage to him. All right, how do you want to do this? (cheering) LAURA: Oh man, that feels good. I haven’t got that in a long time! I’m going to use the giant lollipop and it’s going to raise really high up on the roof and then slam down onto it as hard as it can! MATT: Yasha, as you’re engaged with it, both growling at each other, you watch as suddenly its body crumples into the stonework. ASHLEY: I scream out, yeah, Jester! MATT: It slips into the water and vanishes beneath the waves. ASHLEY: I flip it off. MATT: So that’s your bonus action. You still have your movement and action. LAURA: I’m also going to move it closer to the one next to Beau. MATT: Right there? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All righty. LAURA: And then I’m going to cast Cure Wounds at– Should I do that? Or should I do Toll the Dead on him? MATT: Cure Wounds is touch, so you have to be right next to him. LAURA: Just kidding! I’m going to Toll the Dead on the one that Beau’s fighting. MATT: Okay, what’s the range on that? LAURA: Okay, hold on. TALIESIN and SAM: That’s a lot of spells. LAURA: Yeah, well, you know. MATT: Caleb, you’re up next so be ready. LIAM: What’s the lighting like in here? MATT: Right now? None, there is no light. LAURA: 60 feet. MATT: 60 feet? All right, yeah, so you can do it from there if you want. LAURA: Okay, cool. It’s a wisdom save and he’s Hexed on wisdom. MATT: Natural 20. TRAVIS and LAURA: Disadvantage? MATT: No, that’s disadvantage on wisdom checks, not wisdom saving throws. Hex doesn’t affect saving throws. TRAVIS: I am sorry. I did not understand that part. MATT: Yeah, but, for instance, if you had said strength checks, then every time it tries to pull somebody, it would have disadvantage on that. LAURA: Oh, that would have been better, then, huh? TRAVIS: The lesson in the lesson. MATT: But now you know, going forward with Hex. SAM: If we survive this. TRAVIS: Well, fuck me sideways. TALIESIN: I feel your pain. LAURA: Yay, that’s pretty much all I can do. MATT: Going to stay where you are? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: All right, that finishes Jester’s turn. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I cannot see anything. I’m going to move towards the sound of Jester shouting in the dark and I’m going to raise up the Glove of Blasting and try to shoot the fish-man that I heard way up high ahead of me, up the hill. They’ll all be at disadvantage. MATT: The one that’s attacking Beau, or the one at the very top? LIAM: The one with the staff at the top. MATT: All right, go for it. Disadvantage on all the attacks. TRAVIS: We get like, little strobes from the lightning. It’s like that opening sequence in Blade. LIAM: First one’s 15. MATT: 15 just barely hits. LIAM: Second one is 14. MATT: 14 misses. LIAM: And then that is also 14, so just one of them hits. MATT: So, one of them hits. The two other ones careen off and you watch as they streak out into the darkness past this merrow, what looks to be a priest-like entity up there that’s commanding the storm. Exploding on the rocks behind it, one hitting this piece of long-lingering temple-like interior. And one finally strikes it in the chest. Go ahead and roll damage on that one. LIAM: That is six points of fire damage. MATT: It does make a concentration check. Natural 17 plus two. It does succeed in maintaining concentration. LIAM: Okay, that’s it. MATT: That’s your turn. Caleb’s done. Molly, you’re up. SAM: Yeah, Hasty. TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to run, I’m going to use my bonus action to activate one of my swords. MATT: The other one? Or do you still have the one activated from before? TALIESIN: Technically, that would have still been activated, so shit, that’s right. Yeah, I’m going to use my bonus action to activate the other one, too. I’m going to see if I can make it to that little hill over there. MATT: Which one? Here? TALIESIN: I’m going to attack the one that’s right in front of Fjord. LIAM: Double speed. MATT: Okay, that will put you right there. So you rush up to the edge there. You used your bonus action, you have your two attacks and your hasted attack. TALIESIN: Yes, so I’m going to do two attacks plus a hasted attack. That’s 17. That hits, one does not, and then my third attack is a 16 that also hits. MATT: So two attacks. Go ahead and roll damage on that. SAM: Wow! TALIESIN: That’s eight points of damage. MATT: Eight points of damage, nice. TALIESIN: And nine points of damage. MATT: All righty. You’re using the d6’s for your– TALIESIN: I am using the d6’s. MATT: Cool, so as you rush up, you swing the scimitars in this blast of speed. Two of them manage to strike true to its body, cutting out a piece of it. It’s looking pretty hurt now, starting to bleed out where the wounds are hit. But it’s growling in your face as it spins around. Its fins curl up from the side and you can smell this awful, swampy, almost sulfurous smell from its breath in your face. Is that your turn? TALIESIN: That’s the end of my turn. SAM and LAURA: Two attacks? TALIESIN: That was three attacks, one missed. LAURA: Oh. MATT: All right, that brings us to Nott, who is waiting patiently with Kiri. SAM: I’ll send a Message to Caleb. Are you guys alive and do you need anything? You can reply to this message. LIAM: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! SAM: Uh-oh. MATT: Is that your turn? SAM: That’s it. LAURA: You didn’t move at all? SAM: I’m going to think about it. MATT: That brings us to Fjord. TRAVIS: After getting so fucked up that last round– the scratch, the bite, and the trident in the gut– I’ll put both hands on the falchion and say, Do not see me, and I’ll cast Blink. MARISHA: (gasps) MATT: Okay! ALL: Ooh! MATT: And Blink is not concentration, correct? TRAVIS: It is not. MATT: Yes, all right. So with that, Fjord vanishes from the battlefield. We’ll use this as a spatial positioning device of where you were before. TRAVIS: That’s my turn. MATT: That ends Fjord’s turn. That brings it to the top of the round. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: Fjord vanished. You see two now turning their eyes towards Mollymauk who’s right there. There’s one across the way that’s currently barrelling on Beau and there’s the one at the top of the stairs right now that looks like it’s commanding a giant storm. ASHLEY: I’m going to go over to the one by Beau. MATT: Over here? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: So that’s five, ten, 15, 20, 25, 35. You’re in the water swimming, so your attacks are at disadvantage right now. ASHLEY: Okay. All right. MATT: If you wanted to do Reckless, you could counteract that, but you’ll be taking– ASHLEY: Well, I had one natural 20, and then 18 was my lowest. MATT: Wait, so that was disadvantage? TALIESIN: She rolled a natural 20 for her other roll. MATT: Got you, so the first attack was what? ASHLEY: 12 plus six. MATT: That hits. So your first attack hits. Go ahead and roll damage on that. ASHLEY: Okay, same as last time. 19 points of damage. MATT: 19 points of damage, nice! All right, and you have your second attack, with disadvantage. ASHLEY: 15. MATT: 15 hits. Go ahead and roll damage on that. TALIESIN: Murder it. ASHLEY: 15 points of damage. MATT: This is– you only do five additional damage on this one. Right? So 15? ASHLEY: Yeah. MATT: Damn, nice roll! As you, in the water, cleave out once with the blade in this giant splash arc of water from the middle of the pool in the center, it carves across the side of its back. (snarling) It turns around towards you right as you bring the second strike up into its abdomen. It pushes off the blade and it looks pretty hurt. It’s bleeding out of its wounds in the middle of its stomach and its back. That finishes your turn? ASHLEY: Do I have a– no, never mind, that’s not a bonus action. Never mind, sorry. Was going to try Healing Hands. MATT: That ends your turn. It’s their turn. So, I will need you, first off, to make a dexterity saving throw. As you come up and carve into the back of it, the one on top hisses and directs its finger down towards you as a bolt of lightning arcs out of the– ASHLEY: Ten. TALIESIN: Wait, no, it’s a saving throw, right? MATT: Yeah, saving throw. Plus? TALIESIN: Oh, it’s a dex saving throw? Never mind, sorry. MATT: That does not succeed. You’re in the water, so it would be disadvantage anyway. TALIESIN: That makes me sad. MATT: That is 25 points of lightning damage, which is not halved on you because the rage doesn’t affect it. It only affects slashing, piercing, and bludgeoning. So you’re blasted in the middle of the water. You sink for a moment as your muscles give out, your sword almost falls out of your grasp, and you manage to right yourself as you’re treading water here. Your feet can’t touch the bottom of this pool and your eyes go flashing white for a second, and for an instant, you see the face of Kord the Stormlord there from the vision your recently had. Then clarify and shake it out of your head and carry yourself back into place. That’s going to finish this guy who’s going to move around. He can only move ten feet so he goes five, ten. He’s going to stop right there. SAM: She got shocked so hard we saw parts of her dream. (laughter) MATT: This guy right here is going to go ahead towards you, Beau, as you’re right there. He has disadvantage on the attacks against you, though. He’s going to go ahead and make its claw attack against you, with disadvantage. That’s cocked. You saved yourself from a natural 20 with that one. It’s a 16, which I believe misses, right? MARISHA: Misses. Just misses. MATT: So, as it claws toward you, you, being prepared for it, dart off to the side. It’s going to go ahead and take a bite at you. MARISHA: You have such big hands. MATT: With disadvantage, another natural 20 averted! However, that does come to a 19, so I believe that does hit you. MARISHA: Ah! TRAVIS: Whoosh. Worcestershire sauce. MATT: That is 11 points of piercing damage as it bites down onto the front of your clavicle and face. MARISHA: I’m unconscious. Again. MATT: Beau falls to the ground. As she sinks from its jaw under the rock there, it spins around towards you, right in your face, its gills flaring up. That’s going to end its turn. The two over here, this one’s going to move there and they’re both going to flank Molly. They are both going to harpoon you– jam melee at the one on this side. First attack is going to be an 18 to hit. TALIESIN: That hits. MATT: What’s your armor class? TALIESIN: 17. MATT: Plus two because of the Haste. TALIESIN: That is with the plus two. I’m an AC of 15. I am easy target. MATT: Oh, buddy. That does hit you. So the first harpoon strike against you– that’s eight plus four, 12 points of piercing damage. It jams you into the abdomen from that side. The other strike– TALIESIN: The other person, I’m casting Curse of the Eyeless on the second. MATT: This guy’s finishing his round. He’s attempting to bite you, that’s going to be a 15. TALIESIN: That does not hit. MATT: As he bites down towards you, this time as you pull the trident out you jam it up and it throws him off and clips him in the side of the chin, breaking off one of his teeth. At that moment, the guy behind you is going to swing in with his harpoon as well. TALIESIN: Curse of the Eyeless. MATT: Okay, reaction to that. TALIESIN: And I take my three points of damage. MATT: That’s cocked. So he has a regular strike on this one, so the attack with the harpoon is going to be a 21 to hit, unfortunately. TALIESIN: With disadvantage? MATT: Well, he had advantage because he had you flanked, so it just made it a general roll. TALIESIN: Okay, that hits. MATT: So that is going to be ten points of piercing damage as the other harpoon jams you in the back. As you’re arcing upward, it’s going to attempt to bite down at you, but its eyes have gone dark and it’s just biting wild in front, using the thrashing of your body to guide itself. That is going to be a natural seven plus six, 13. Misses. So it bites down, you manage to duck out of the way and slam the hilt of your scimitar up into its face and knock it off to the side. That’s going to end their go. That brings us to Beau. I need you to make a death saving throw, please. SAM: Were you saying the Curse of the Islands? TALIESIN: The Eyeless. MARISHA: Let’s go cobalt blue. 17. MATT: That’s one success. Mark it on your tattoo. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to use my action to Invoke Duplicity, and I’m going to make her appear standing right next to Yasha. But I can’t use my action to make her doing anything– MATT: It’s a 30-foot range, right? So it’d be right there. LAURA: Okay. And then I’m going to use my bonus action– MATT: She’s gliding on the water, tiptoe. LAURA: Yeah. Healing Word at level two on Beau. I know that’s lame, but it’s something. Oh that’s good, that’s 11 points of healing. MARISHA: (singing) That’s amaze-balls! MATT: 11 points to Beau. You come back to consciousness on the ground, your body was just starting to roll and slip into the water. You catch one of the rocks and keep yourself from going back into the drink. MARISHA: I’m going to try to still play dead. LAURA: That’s all I can do and my action, and I’m not going to move. MATT: Well, your action was to– LAURA: Invoke Duplicity. MATT: Right, that’s correct. That finishes your go there. Caleb, you’re up. MARISHA: Thanks, Jester! LIAM: Ja, how far can I get towards this one over there? Even if it means going in the water. MATT: Over here? You can get partway into the water. LIAM: Will I get within 30 feet of him? MATT: Possibly? LIAM: Well, show me how far– MATT: He’s here. That’s (counting) 30, so most likely. LIAM: I’m going to try it. I’m going to wade in. MATT: (counting) Just outside of 30 for the range. LAURA: Attack the one next to Beau. (coos) (laughter) LIAM: I was considering it, it’s just not what I wanted to do. I’m going to cast Dispel Magic on the storm above me. ALL: Ooh! MATT: Looking at that, I believe the level is level three or lower? It’s a 3rd-level spell. The storm immediately, with one final crackle, fades and dissipates above. The cavern above now just the empty, dark roof it was before, the storm no longer present. LIAM: Everybody hears (nervous laughter). MATT: That ends Caleb’s turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: I am yelling: Fjord! I am going to take a swing at the one that’s looking a little rough. I believe it’s that one, yeah. Oh my fucking god. 11. MATT: 11 does not hit. You have three more attacks with your bonus action, if you want to. TALIESIN: 24. MATT: 24 hits. Roll damage on that. TALIESIN: Nine points of damage. MATT: Nine points of damage, all righty. TALIESIN: Still standing? MATT: Barely. TALIESIN: I’ll swing again. 23. MATT: 23 hits. TALIESIN: Ten points of damage. MATT: That’ll do it, how do you want to do this? TALIESIN: I’m literally just a windmill at this point. MATT: A whirling dervish of blades as you carve through. You start biting through with the blades, carves one part of its chest, part of its arm, down on its chest, looks up and right through its face. TALIESIN: Then spinning around, I go right to face the other one and I’m going to take my last attack against it. MATT: Go for it. TALIESIN: Nope. I don’t even know why I’m bothering. LAURA: It’s okay, stick with the ones that were good for you. That one and the pink one. MATT: That finishes Molly’s turn. Nott. SAM: I hand the books to little Kiri and I say: Keep these safe. MATT: (like Jester) “Wrapped around his weenie?” SAM: Good idea. I’ll take a little bit of fleece and rip it and cast Silent Image, and make a wall of stone around Kiri. Just say: Don’t move. MATT: Okay. You cannot see Kiri, just vanishes amongst the visuals of the illusion. SAM: Go over to the water, put my foot in, and then– withdraw it, and take a big swig. (laughter) MATT: All right, finishing Nott’s turn. Fjord. Where do you want to emerge? TRAVIS: I forgot to do the 2d8 of booming damage on the gentleman behind Molly. So that’s a big one, and three, so four points of booming damage. MATT: Well, technically that was the other guy. TRAVIS: Oh was it? MATT: Yeah. They shifted around. TRAVIS: Ah. They do-si-doed? MATT: They did. TRAVIS: Fair enough. Can I appear right next to this gentleman on his reverse? There you go. I will break my– MATT: If you’d like to– fucking stay! If you want to, you can appear up top there and get a flanking bonus. TRAVIS: That sounds dandy. MATT: You can use it against them, they can use it against you, as long as you are directly across from an enemy with an ally, you can give yourself flanking benefit. TRAVIS: Great. I will break my Hex, and I will use a Hexblade’s Curse as my bonus action on that gentleman. MATT: On this one? Okay. There you go. TRAVIS: I will make two attacks with the Wastehunter falchion against him with the monstrous– MATT: Go for it. TRAVIS: Flanking gets– what does it add? Does it do anything? MATT: Flanking? It’s advantage on your attacks. TRAVIS: Okay, so first attack. 15. MATT: 15 does hit. TRAVIS: Great. And the second one. Neither of those are a crit, but that’s a 24 on the second one. MATT: That hits, roll damage for each. TRAVIS: (counting) 17. For the Hexblade, four points of damage, so 21 on the first one. (counting) 17 on the second. MATT: How do you want to do this? You fucked that guy up. TRAVIS: I’ll shift in right behind him and see Molly looking around, give him a little wink, and I’ll take the falchion and take the back of his head off. MATT: Molly, it’s pulling back ready to leap at you, and as it lurches towards you it stops, you watch as the upper half of its shoulders and head slip and slough off into the water. TALIESIN: You fucking arsehole. TRAVIS: Sorry. I was getting what for, man. Shit. And I’ll– oh wait. Natural 20. Peace out! MATT: You vanish out of the space. That’s a hell of a round. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. I’m going to go after this buddy here. Are we flanking him, technically? MATT: Right now? No. LAURA: Technically, because Beau’s on the ground? MATT: Beau is not threatening. You have to be on the opposite sides. ASHLEY: So disadvantage still? MATT: Yep, because you’re in the water. ASHLEY: 13. MATT: 13 just hits. TALIESIN: Oh god, that looked like a one for a moment. Sevens are scary. No, it was a seven. I was just staring at it going: oh no. ASHLEY: Did I get it, though? TALIESIN: Yeah you did, you’re right. LAURA: How much damage do you do? Because you hit it. ASHLEY: Oh shit. Sorry. TRAVIS: I heal 13 points. MATT: Nice. ASHLEY: 14 for the first hit. MATT: It’s hanging on by a thread. ASHLEY: Okay, that hits. Eight points of damage. MATT: Yeah, that’ll do it. How do you want to do this? ASHLEY: I’m going to take my blade, slit it in its throat, pull its tongue through and give him a Xhorhasian necktie! (cheering) TRAVIS: That’s that barbarian shit! MATT: So one-handed wide swing, with the same motion, you reach up right into the wound, tear it through, and maintain eye contact as it tumbles over into the water and disappears beneath the surface. TRAVIS: All day. I’m up for that all day. That’s what I’m here for. LIAM: That did not sound good. MATT: That ends your turn? You still have your movement. ASHLEY: Beau, what are you at? Oh no, I can’t do that. MARISHA: On my back, out of air, I go: That was awesome! ASHLEY: All right, could I walk over a little bit so I can stand on the– LAURA: Stairs? ASHLEY: Yeah, so I’m not in the water. MATT: You’re right next to Beau on the ground. You got out of the water. All right, ends your turn? ASHLEY: Yes. MATT: There’s a sound in the nearby water, as, emerging from one of the other caverns on the side, another merrow emerges from that side and another emerges from this side. The one up top here that sees everyone closing in is going to back up into the water, and is going to cast Call Lightning again. It wants to bring it about. Use the other level three spell slot. With that, as the cloud forms up in the sky again, seeing you step out of the water, you do not have disadvantage on the saving throw, but I need you to make another dexterity saving throw. ASHLEY: 14. MATT: It is a 13 DC, so you only take half damage. Which is good, because that would be 24 damage, so you take 12 points of lightning damage. ASHLEY: 12, you said? MATT: Yes, 12 points of lightning damage. SAM: She’s got, like, 100 more points. TALIESIN: Nah. ASHLEY: I’m, as Matt would say, looking rough. MATT: He’s going to dive into the water. You know where he disappeared beneath the surface as you see the water rippling out, but you’re not sure where he is or how deep he is. These two have emerged. This one’s going to move through the water to there, and is going to make a harpoon– Let’s move over a bit further because it can, to about there. It’s going to make a harpoon strike towards you, Yasha, throwing it in your direction. That’s a 20 to hit. ASHLEY: Yeah, that hits. MATT: All right, you take– that’s a bad roll, eight points of piercing damage reduced to half, so you take four points of piercing damage. I need you to make a strength check, so roll a d20 and add your strength modifier as it’s attempting to yank and pull you towards him. TRAVIS: Let him know! SAM: This is your thing, you are strong! ASHLEY: Get out of the thing, go away. Okay, okay, okay. Oh shit. MATT: You have advantage on your strength checks because you’re raging. ASHLEY: Oh, I do! That’s not much better. Ten! MATT: He pulled a 13, natural nine plus four. You get yanked. Beau, you watch as Yasha gets yanked over you as you’re lying on the ground, and it’s going to attempt to bite you as you’re down in the water once more. Natural 19. That’s 25 to hit. So with that, the bite attack, let’s roll damage on that. That is going to be ten points of piercing damage, reduced to five, 'cause you’re raging. ASHLEY: Okay. MATT: This guy here is going to go ahead and move up right next to Caleb, rushing out of the water from underneath with the harpoon in its arms, and jam it towards your torso. That’s going to be a 15 to hit. LIAM: Shield. MATT: All right. You watch as it deflects off of your body. It’s going to angrily attempt to bite down on you. That’s a natural 17 plus six. LIAM: I will use the dodecahedron and roll a 20 on this side. I got a natural two. SAM: So you’re rerolling for him. LIAM: I get to choose, it says it on this paper. Alternatively, after an attack roll is made against me, I can expend the fragment to roll an additional d20 and choose. So two plus whatever. MATT: As it attempts to bite down towards you, there’s a brief moment where the bite sinks into your shoulder, and there’s a brief burst where time seems to dart back, and you step out of the way as its bite hits air with no effect. LIAM: Caleb will remember this. MATT: All right. That ends their turn. Now it is Beau. MARISHA: I’m good. I’m still alive. And I get up. I go, (slurred) Who’s– who’s next? And I run over– MATT: It’s half your movement to get up, so you have 20 movement. MARISHA: I have 20 movement. TRAVIS: She healed up drunk. MATT: Wouldn’t she, though? TRAVIS: Yes. MARISHA: Am I able to, if I use Step of the Wind, am I able to make it around and get to this one who’s harrassing Caleb? MATT: You can certainly try. MARISHA: 'Cause I’d have 20 more movement and then my speed, which is 40. So I should be able to make it. MATT: You should. Do you want to try? All right. So five, ten, 15, and then go ahead and make an athletics check to make the leap. I’m letting you see if you can make it across the water without losing your movement. SAM: You’re great at jumping over small bodies of liquid, Marisha. MARISHA: I am. Yeah, that’s 15. MATT: 15? Yeah. (counting) You’re just outside of it to be within melee. MARISHA: Really? I’ve got extended melee. Come on, man. MATT: (counting) Actually, 35, 40, you can do it with just one if you’re there. So you manage to spin around, using your bonus action for Step of the Wind, so you still have your action. MARISHA: All right, two attacks. Let’s see what happens. First one: natural 20! (yelling) MARISHA: I’m super pissed off! Okay, okay, okay. Roll high on this one. That’s good. 12 plus another six. That’s 18. MATT: 18 points of damage on that one. Damn. Nice. MARISHA: I hate fish. TRAVIS: Hate-fish. They have great sushi there. MARISHA: And then I’m going to take the end of my bo, jab it right in its throat, see if I can get another one. LIAM: That’s cocked. You’ve got to take the good with the bad. MARISHA: Ten. MATT: Ten misses, however the critical did– as you run up from the side, you parkour off the wall, the side of the pillar there, leap, whack! Slam it with the staff. You see its head get pushed underwater again. It turns around; its eyes are adjusting like yours were a moment ago, and as you go to swing a second time, it does manage to deflect it with the side of its trident. No impact. MARISHA: I think that’s all I’ve got. MATT: All right, that finishes Beau’s turn. Jester, you’re up. Caleb, you’re on deck. LAURA: Are any of them looking rough? MATT: At the moment? This one’s been hurt, this one has not been, and this one is not visible. It is beneath the surface of the water. LAURA: I’m going to have Jester run up to the one that Beau just hit– yeah, the me. Yeah. And I’m going to Inflict Wounds on it at level one. MATT: Okay. So go ahead and roll a melee spell attack on it. If you want to move here, you can flank it. All righty. So you’re opposite of Beau, using that flank maneuver. So don’t forget, you guys can flank on direct opposites. They can also flank against you. TRAVIS: So what is it? What is it? TALIESIN: I don’t even know why I bother. TRAVIS: At advantage, too? MATT: Oh, natural one and a natural four. LAURA: It’s a touch, though. Yeah, no, it doesn’t matter. They’re slippery little suckers. MATT: So as you swing out with your hand, your foot catches the edge of one of the pebbles, and you stumble for a second, and your hand goes wide off to the side, hits some of the stone on the wall behind you and releases the spell’s impact against lifeless wall, unfortunately. MARISHA: Don’t touch attacks avoid AC? MATT: No, that’s Pathfinder rules. MARISHA: Aw. Man, that’s old school. LAURA: For my bonus, I’m going to move my Spiritual Weapon and try to do the same thing and hit it. MATT: That it can do. LAURA: Can I flank it and get a bonus on– MATT: No, not technically a creature. LAURA: Okay, that hits. MATT: All right, so 2d8 plus four. TRAVIS: Come on, now! LAURA: 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. Crack! The giant lollipop swings and hits the side of the jaw. It dislodges for a second, then for a moment it’s trying to hold the trident with one hand and the other’s trying to push it back into place. LAURA: And I say, tastes good, doesn’t it? MATT: (laughs) Awesome. That finishes your go. Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: I’m going to save my higher stuff for the guy who’s disappeared, so I’m going to Fire Bolt it right at point-blank range at disadvantage. MATT: All righty. LIAM: Ugh. (laughter) LIAM: I rolled a two. MATT: Nope. Nope. You get scared in the moment, because you’re still thrashing in the water, and you put the hand up and go (effort sound, fizzle). You were aiming six feet from it. It goes up like a firework and hits the roof. LIAM: I’m going to crouch down into the water and submerge up to my neck in the hopes that it does not know where I am and I’m too short to be hit. TRAVIS: Like the gas range, he’s trying to– MATT: That ends Caleb’s go. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Shite. SAM: You’re super fast. Remember, you’re super fast. MATT: You have 60 feet of movement. LAURA: Help Yasha! TALIESIN: Yeah, I suppose we’re doing– yeah. LIAM: Flank that Yasha enemy! (pigeon coos) TALIESIN: Running to the Yasha creature. MATT: Are you running through the water or going to make a leap across? TALIESIN: I’m going to run through the water. Speed’s doubled. MATT: (counting) If you want to flank, you’ll be in the water, which is disadvantage on your attacks. TALIESIN: That doesn’t matter, then. LIAM: Advantage to disadvantage, straight roll. MATT: It’s a straight roll if you stay there, or a straight roll if you end up flanking it. Yes. TALIESIN: Actually, here’s an interesting thing, is– oh, god, yeah. I don’t want to be in the water, so I’m going to stay on that little patch of land so I don’t get– MATT: So make your four attacks on it, if you want. TALIESIN: All right, first two rounds. That’s a 14 and a natural 20. MATT: Okay, yeah, that’ll do. TALIESIN: So the natural 20 is double the dice? MATT: Yep, just roll the dice. TALIESIN: All right. Eh. That’s nine. And the other one is 11. MATT: 11 points of damage. And then your third strike with your Haste. TALIESIN: Third and fourth. That’s– one of them misses, but the other one’s 19, the other one hits, the other one is ten. MATT: All right, so that hits on the third strike, there. TALIESIN: That’s better. 11 points of damage. MATT: Ooh. 31 points of damage in one round. As you’re carving through it rapidly, it is looking pretty hurt. It’s not on death’s door, but you singlehandedly carved it pretty hard in one round. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus action– MATT: You already used your bonus action. TALIESIN: Oh, I did, for the attack! Never mind. Never mind. That’s literally everything I can do. MATT: All right, that ends Molly’s go. Nott. SAM: See, Kiri, I think they would have called if they really needed me. I think no news is good news, and– TRAVIS: Just then, a couple bubbles. SAM: That’s probably a good sign. And the water looks cold anyway, and you could get hypothermia, so, you know, I’ve got to protect you, and, yeah. That’s my turn. (laughter) MATT: That’s amazing. Okay, Fjord, you’re up. As you reapparate within ten feet of where you were– TRAVIS: Closer to Molly. And I go, boo! Ah, shit. MARISHA: Party’s left. TRAVIS: Fuck. And seeing that they’re engaged elsewhere, I’ll fire my first two Eldritch Blasts at the one that’s engaged with Molly and Yasha. Which is 18 to hit. MATT: Just remembering, why did you drop Hex again? It was because you cast– TRAVIS: Hexblade’s Curse. MATT: All righty. So first strike was 18, that hits. TRAVIS: That is 12 points of damage. MATT: 12 points of damage, nice. TRAVIS: Is he still up? Then I’ll send the second one in his direction as well. That’s 22 to hit. MATT: That works. TRAVIS: Seven points of damage. MATT: Seven points of damage, that’ll do it. How do you want to do this? (cheering) TRAVIS: I’ll pop up and be like, fuck, the first time I do it, son of a bitch. And I’ll go (magical buzzing and whooshing) and send both of them over there. MATT: Both (impacts) on its side. You watch as one of its arms gets blown off and flings, landing on the top of the stairs before rolling down a few steps and coming to rest. TRAVIS: As Molly looks over, I’m like (blows). MATT: It slips down into the water. Yasha, you take one swipe at it for good measure as it sinks below. All right, and roll your d20 to see whether you stay or go. TRAVIS: 13. ALL: (singing) Should I stay or should I go now? TRAVIS: It’s important to remember that you don’t– (laughter) TALIESIN: So irritating. MATT: Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: All right. Can I get out of the water? MATT: Right now, you’re in the water, so with full speed, you’re probably not going to get to it unless you take an action to dash. ASHLEY: Okay. I’ll hop up back on that, out of the water there. MATT: You have 30 feet of movement. There’s the guy who’s underwater over here somewhere, and there’s the guy that’s currently assaulted by most of your team on the other side. ASHLEY: Okay, so I’ll move closer to where I think the guy is. MATT: (counting) There? ASHLEY: And then I will cast Healing Hands on myself. MATT: Okay, so you reach down and touch the front of your chest– ASHLEY: Bring me to a whole seven. MATT: Oh, shit. MARISHA: You were that bad? Wow. TALIESIN: Two. Two hit points. That’s two kittens, man. MATT: So that ends your turn? ASHLEY: Yeah, maybe not a good idea to walk over there. MATT: Emerging from the water, the water splashes up as it glances up. On the other side, that one merrow’s right there, have him surrounded, is going to make one strike again towards Caleb. That is a 23 to hit. LIAM: I’ll take it. MATT: Okay. That comes to 12 points of piercing damage. I need you to make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: Do I have a reaction? Can I hit it? MATT: You can, because it’s attacking someone that’s not you. MARISHA: Yes, Sentinel shit! LIAM: Get out of here, status thing. MARISHA: Terrible, terrible. That’s a ten. LIAM: What was the damage before, DM? MATT: 12. LIAM: Thank you, thank you. My web browser’s going insane. I can’t. Hold on. SAM: Refresh. TRAVIS: I got you. I got it right here. LIAM: I have no internet right now. I rolled a six, and I don’t know what my con is because I have lost– SAM: It’s in your notebook somewhere. Your character sheet. You printed it out somewhere, right? MARISHA: You don’t have a print-out of your character sheet? LIAM: Oh, you’re right, I do, after you asked me nine times. (laughter) MATT: I believe your constitution is 14, if I recall? Which brings a +2 to what you rolled. TRAVIS: If you got that right, that’s some fucking Beautiful Mind shit. MATT: Yeah, 14. Failure. Haste wears off, because you lose concentration. TALIESIN: Oh god, does that mean I– oh, shit. I’m out for a round, aren’t I? LIAM: Does the exhaustion happen when the spell’s broken? MATT: When the spell ends, the target can’t move or take actions. MARISHA: Oh, shit. LAURA: Oh, that’s a shitty side effect. MATT: And, to follow that up, it’s going to bite down towards Caleb, seeing that you’re probably the easiest meat around here, unarmored. That’s a natural 20. I’m having really good luck. LAURA: I’m easy meat! MARISHA: Check the lollipop, it’s so inviting! ASHLEY: Tasty treat. MATT: All right, so with a bite attack against you, that is 14 points of piercing damage to you, Caleb. LIAM: Okay. Earlier, I’m sorry, because the internet shit the bed on me, so it was 12 plus 14. I’m still up. MATT: Oh my god. Okay. Ending that turn, the other one standing there emerges, the storm in the sky. It sees you standing up again and goes (growls). Sounds like some horrible curse. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw. TRAVIS: You know what, it’s okay, because there’s fucking smoke on our map. MARISHA: It looks great. TALIESIN: I’m pleased. MATT: Thank you, Taliesin. A great gift I’m glad I’ve been able to use finally. ASHLEY: 18. MATT: 18, okay, so half damage. We’ll see what it rolls. TRAVIS: Come on, 13 or less. MATT: That is a nine, a one, and a three. 13 points of damage. Lightning damage. Halved to six. Not even joking. You can look at the dice. TRAVIS: I believe you. MATT: I can’t fucking believe that. SAM and LAURA: She’s okay. TRAVIS: Yep, you’re at one. MATT: You are a fucking warlock, is what that is. You know that, but– TRAVIS: (singing) You got the perfect warlock. (laughter) MATT: God damn it. TALIESIN: Holy cow. MATT: And is going to vanish once more beneath the surface of the water. You don’t know quite where it is, that’s where you last saw it disappear. That brings us to Beau. MARISHA: It’s me already? Oh, shit. I’m going to unleash on this guy. Again, crack, crack, see what happens. MATT: You have advantage on these because you’re flanked currently with Jester. MARISHA: Oh, goodness gracious! Yes! I’m going to try and use my staff to pole vault me up in the air and go crack, crack, with two big swoopy swoops. I’ll take the 13, eight plus six is 13. 14! MATT: 14 hits him. Armor class of 13. MARISHA: That’s eight plus another four so that’s 12 damage for the first one. Second one. That hits, 18. MATT: 18 hits, roll damage for the second strike. MARISHA: Five damage. MATT: Whack, whack! You hit both sides with the staff. It’s being knocked around, spitting blood out of its mouth. It’s hurt. MARISHA: It’s hurt. SAM: Mildly hurt. MATT: It’s hurt pretty bad. MARISHA: I have one more ki point. I can stun it, or I can do Flurry of Blows and try to kill it. LAURA: Kill it! Flurry of Blows it! MARISHA: All right, last ki point. Flurry of Blows. MATT: Make two more strikes against it. MARISHA and TRAVIS: (chanting) Apology, apology! SAM: Guilt attack! TRAVIS: “Did I say I was sorry?” MARISHA: Hey Caleb, we should talk later. I’ll take that 13, so it’s 20 for the first attack. And then 12? No. Yes. No, 12. MATT: 12 does not hit, but one of them does. MARISHA: Stupid. Seven damage. MATT: Seven points of damage, how do you want to do this? (cheering) MARISHA: I pole vault up, do the two hits, and then I want to parkour off of the spiritual weapon a little bit, Marty McFly on the lollipop, and then do a flying roundhouse to his face! MATT: Whack! Right across his face. The impact throws its head with such a speed down onto the rocks, right at the bottom of Jester’s feet. Crack! It slowly slides, gurgling, into the water, sinking below. MARISHA: I stand up, throw my hair out of my face, and that ends my turn. MATT: Jester, you’re up. LAURA: Okay, I’m going to cast Cure Wounds. I’m going to walk up behind Caleb and give him a hug around the waist and say: you’re okay, my friend. LIAM: He’s like this in the water. LAURA: I cast at level two, so that’s 2d8 plus four. 12 points of healing for you. For my bonus action, I’m going to have my duplicity self run up and stand right next to the spot where the fish wizard comes out. MATT: Right there? LAURA: Yeah. She’s going to– TRAVIS: Look real mean. MATT: Good to know. Finishing your turn, Jester, Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Am I able to wade onto the land, just behind Beau there? Yeah, if I go in that direction, can I get off on dry land? MATT: You can just barely get onto land if you want. LIAM: Okay, I’m going to do that, and as I’m doing that, I’m pulling out my little clay cat’s paw and I’m going to hold Maximilian’s Earthen Grasp. As soon as I hear fish talking in the water, I’m going to let it go. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I’m going to step out of the water, by the way, for my movement. MATT: Okay, you step back. That ends your turn, Caleb, as you’re holding your action. Molly? TALIESIN: I’m going to (retching), and throw up for a second, because I got vertigo because I lost Haste. And that’s my turn. MATT: Nott? SAM: I’ll take one more swig, and I’ll jump in the water. MATT: With your movement, you get most of the way across on the rope, but you can bonus action to dash. SAM: Bonus action dash! MATT: With that, Nott just barely emerges from the distant pool of water. SAM: Where are they?! Let me at them! I’ll save you all! MATT: You don’t see any monsters. SAM: Get this water off me! Ah! MATT: Nott’s splashing behind you. SAM: I’ll shake like a dog. MATT: Perfect. Fjord. TRAVIS: I’ll reappear and take– MATT: Whereabouts? TRAVIS: Ten feet closer to Yasha’s direction, on land still. I will hold Eldritch Blast until I see the reappearance of– MATT: Good to know. Roll your dice. TRAVIS: To hit for it? Oh. Aww, shitballs. MARISHA: Oh no. TRAVIS: 16. Ah ha– (yelps) MATT: Held actions and Blink can be a really tricky thing. TRAVIS: Show your fucking fa– (yelps) TALIESIN: Can you move while you’re not blinked, by the way? TRAVIS: No. SAM: Can you see into our world? TRAVIS: I can see and hear and all that stuff. MATT: It’s like an ethereal– like Frodo with the ring on. TRAVIS: Guys? (distressed yelp) MATT: This is what Ripley used on you guys last campaign. TRAVIS: Fuck you, Molly! MATT: That finishes Fjord’s turn. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Oh my god, okay. I’m going to hold– I’m going to stay where I’m at. I’ve got nothing to attack so I’m just going to hold my turn until I, you know. MATT: Hold your action in case something shows up? ASHLEY: Yeah, in case something shows up in the water and then I can– MATT: That ends your turn. That brings us the merrow shallow priest’s turn. As you’re all focusing on this element, a small ripple of water emerges over here as it has swum down below the water. LIAM: Cat’s Paw! MATT: Cat’s Paw. What does it have to roll for it? LIAM: 16. Strength. MATT: 16 strength? LIAM: Yeah. MATT: Does it get a saving throw, you mean? A strength saving throw? LIAM: “On a failed save, the target must make a strength saving throw.” Versus my 16. MATT: That is an eight. No. TRAVIS: Yeah! (meowing) MATT: It is currently restrained, right? LIAM: And it takes 2d6 damage. Bludgeoning damage. MATT: Go for it. LIAM: Five points of bludgeoning damage. LAURA: That’s a really big cat paw. LIAM: It’s so big. MATT: Yeah, it’s gargantuan. All right, how much damage was that? LIAM: Six total. MATT: Six total damage. LIAM: So a big muddy claw sinks into its tail and pulls it down in place. MATT: At which point it’s holding its staff still and (hissing), spins its arm around. A level two Thunderwave bursts out in front of it in a 15-foot cube, hitting both Beau and Caleb. I need you both to make a constitution saving throw, please. LIAM: The damage doesn’t do anything to its spellcasting ability, does it? MATT: No. LIAM: Okay. So what do I take? MATT: A constitution saving throw. MARISHA: 17 for me. MATT: That is a success, so you take half damage. LIAM: I’m not going to make this. Eight. MATT: Nope. That is 17 points of thunder damage. You take half of that, so you take eight. TRAVIS: Oh yeah, just Caleb. She’s still up. LIAM: Yeah, I’m out. MATT: You’re still up? MARISHA: I’m still up. SAM: Cat’s Paw’s gone. MATT: Cat’s Paw’s gone. Caleb’s unconscious. Easy come, easy go. Beau, you are thrown ten feet back into the wall there as the smoke dissipates from the Thunderwave. Wham! Into the wall and fall to one knee. Let’s see. No, that’s all of its movement. It took all of its movement to get there, so that’s where it stands. That’s going to end its turn. Beau. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: Turn this man into fish sticks. MARISHA: (grunts) I’m a little out of– it knocked the wind out of me. MATT: Oh, it has to make a constitution saving throw to see if it maintains the thunderstorm above. Which it succeeds. MARISHA: Okay, I’m going to go for this mother. I’m going to run up towards it, once again parkour off of that little– yeah, and give a nice flying Superman punch and then an uppercut. MATT: Go for it. MARISHA: First hit. All right, I’ll take that 21. MATT: You’re technically in the water, so the attacks are at disadvantage. MARISHA: Okay. 16. MATT: 16 still hits. MARISHA: That’s ten damage. MATT: Ten damage. Got it. MARISHA: Second attack. 16 for the first one. 16 again total. MATT: All right, that hits again. Second attack. MARISHA: 12 damage. MATT: 12 damage. Two constitution saving throws. That’s a success, and a success, so it’s still maintaining concentration on the lightning storm. MARISHA: And bonus attack. Not good. Nine to hit. MATT: It swings wide. It’s laughing under its hissing breath as you’re punching, and it’s starting to try and slowly submerge into the water. MARISHA: (panting) I’m losing steam. That’s my turn. MATT: That brings us to Jester. LAURA: I’m going to run to the other side of Beau. MATT: Right here? LAURA: Yeah, so I’m flanking it. MATT: Over here, you mean? LAURA: Yeah. I wouldn’t be able to hit it from the land, would I? MATT: (counting) That’s where you are, but you’re in the water right now. You’re (splashing). LAURA: Okay, so I would get a straight attack, right? MATT: Yes, you would. LAURA: Okay. I’m going to try to hit it with a level three Inflict Wounds. MATT: Go for it. You have disadvantage. LAURA: Well, a straight because it’s flanked. MATT: You’re flanking it, so it’s a straight attack, yes. You pull back (energy crackling). LAURA: That’s 11. MATT: (fizzling) You reach up and right as you– The dice are not with you. I’m so sorry, Laura. I’m so sorry. LAURA: No, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. SAM: These dice are wrong and bad dice and they should be put away forever. MATT: As you reach out with this crackling bolt of looming necrotic energy, it manages to spin around and a burst of wind immediately pushes your arm just off course and it releases harmlessly in the air. I’m sorry. LIAM: At least you got an apology when you rolled shit. LAURA: Yeah, cool. I’m going to use Spiritual Weapon at level two and then try to slam it down. MATT: All right, roll for the attack on it. LAURA: It’s a level three Spiritual Weapon. It’s a natural one. MATT: You cast it at level two earlier though. I’m so sorry. LAURA: No, I cast Spiritual Weapon at level three. MATT: No, it was level two at the beginning. LAURA: No, I didn’t. I cast it at level three. I did. MARISHA: We all went, “Whoa! Level three!” TALIESIN: Yeah, there was a “whoa” there. We will all get yelled at on the internet if we’re wrong. LAURA: Yes, it’s three. It was level three. It doesn’t matter. I rolled a one. MATT: I trust you guys. ASHLEY: But for next time, when you kill it and get a How Do You Want To Do This with it. Just in case. MARISHA: How do you want to sweet tooth this? LAURA: That’s all I can do. MATT: Sorry, Jester. That finishes your turn. Caleb, I need you to make a death saving throw, please. LIAM: Sure. Let’s do this. That’s a six. MATT: That’s a failure. First failed save on Caleb. MATT: All right. Molly, you have a turn now. TALIESIN: Yes, I do. LAURA: Yeah, laugh. Laugh it up. I’m pregnant! (laughter) TALIESIN: Is it possible to make a leap across some of water at the very least to try and get back to land? MATT: Make an athletics check. MARISHA: A woman scorned by her dice. TRAVIS: I know. I only see that at home. TALIESIN: That’s a ten? MATT: No. You go (splashing) (counting) 30. TALIESIN: I’m going to also then use my action to dash. MATT: (counting) 20. You get up there. TALIESIN: And I’m within range? MATT: Combat range, yes. TALIESIN: I’m going to use my bonus action– MATT: You can only use your bonus action to attack if you’ve used your action to attack. TALIESIN: Okay, that’s fine. Wait. Double check, because I thought that’s just using my off-hand. MATT: That’s what I’m thinking, but I’ll double check what the rules are there. TALIESIN: That’s okay, I’ve got options. Sort of. MATT: Every now and then you need a reminder, folks. SAM: Did Laura go to deliver the baby right now? TRAVIS: Yeah, just real quick. MATT: “When you take the Attack action and attack with a light melee weapon that you’re holding in “one hand, you can use a bonus action–” If you don’t attack, you cannot bonus action attack. TALIESIN: Okay. That’s fine. I’m going to try something weird, hold on. Since that’s not going to work, can I take Enthrall? I’m going to take Enthrall. I’m going to try and use Enthrall. MATT: Is it an action or a bonus action to use? Because you’ve used your action this turn. TALIESIN: Yeah, that’s true. I’m trying to see. MATT: I believe Enthrall as a spell is an action. TALIESIN: It might be it. Yeah, it’s an action, never mind. Vicious Mockery. MATT: Vicious Mockery, I believe, is also an action. TALIESIN: Oh my god, everything is an action. I have no bonus actions or anything reasonable that I can do. MATT: But you’re in melee. TALIESIN: I’m in melee. That’s fine. MATT: That ends your turn, Molly. Nott. SAM: Seeing my friend Caleb down, I’m filled with a mighty rage and I will draw my crossbow, load my Burning Bolt, and run at it screaming and firing. MATT: (counting) It’s within 20 feet. As you’re running out of the water, (screaming) (splashing). SAM: That’s a 20 to hit? MATT: That hits. Roll damage with the additional Burning Bolt. SAM: (counting) Fury of the Small, 21, plus the Burning Bolt is another three. 24 total? MATT: 24 points of damage. SAM: On the first hit. MATT: It has to make a constitution saving throw to see if it maintains. No, it does not. It drops the lightning. TALIESIN: That alone. MARISHA: That will keep Caleb alive. SAM: Is it still alive? MATT: Yeah. Next attack. SAM: Bonus action, shot. 22 to hit? MATT: That hits. Roll damage. SAM: It’s just one now. Another eight points. MATT: The shallow priest is looking hurt. MARISHA: Shallow priest? MATT: It’s a merrow shallow priest. TALIESIN: Very shallow. Really hot Instagram account, though. MATT: Does that finish your turn, Nott? SAM: That’s it. MATT: Fjord. TRAVIS: I’ll reappear ten feet closer to Jester. Yep. And I’ll unleash two Eldritch Blasts. MATT: Ten feet right there. TALIESIN and MARISHA: Beach priest. TRAVIS: That’s not going to hit. That’s a ten. MATT: Goes wide, strikes a nearby rock. TRAVIS: And that’s a 14 on the dot. MATT: 14 misses. TRAVIS: Oh, it does, that’s right. MATT: This one has higher armor than the rest. As you release both bolts, it’s flailing around, hurt after taking the impact from the bolts. You can see the burst of flame on its back from the shot it took from Nott, and as it lurches forward, it manages to arc out of the way of your bolt. No impact. TRAVIS: Oh, roll to see– MATT: Roll to see if you stick around. TRAVIS: I disappear. (bamfing noise) MARISHA: Oh god! You’re cutting out, Fjord, I can’t– TRAVIS: You guys are doing good– (bamfing noise). TALIESIN: Take ten feet to the right. I can’t– MATT: Lag spikes are rough when you’re on a raid, guys. LIAM: This is like those Tatasciore spells. Like (mimics cutting out). MATT: Top of the round. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: I’m going to go around to– Can I flank him? Behind or somewheres? LIAM: Front of Molly. MATT: Right now? No, the space right there where technically it is– I’ll say you can get up on there, sure. Using all your movement, you can get on there. It’s a little wobbly. ASHLEY: Then, you know, attack. MATT: No. Hold on, Beau was in the water. This technically is not a space you can get on. You would not be able to flank with it. You can get there if you want to. Because this is in the space. ASHLEY: It’s not considered flanking? MATT: No, because you have to be on the exact opposite. That space is currently occupied by the stalagmite. ASHLEY: That’s fine. Okay. MATT: You’re in the water, so disadvantage on your attacks. ASHLEY: Disadvantage. Okay. LAURA: I didn’t even realize I was sitting here like— ASHLEY: 18. MATT: 18 hits. MARISHA: It’s like this little dark cloud right over you. TRAVIS: Come on, Yasha. LAURA: Kill it, Yasha. ASHLEY: I’m going to try. LIAM: That’s what you do. ASHLEY: Nine. LIAM: Yasha. TRAVIS: Nein! ASHLEY: 12 for the first hit. MATT: Nice. LIAM: Come on, buddy. ASHLEY: Okay. 20? MATT: 20 hits. Roll damage for your second strike. ASHLEY: 12. MATT: 12 points of damage. It is so close. It is hurt so bad. As you slash twice, in the water, you see these large arcs of stale, stagnant cave water splashing in the air with this gleaming blade as Yasha’s tearing into it. The pool around it is turning dark purple as its blood is seeping in and it’s looking desperately around for some means of escape. That end your turn, Yasha? ASHLEY: Yeah. I don’t think I can’t do anything else. MATT: It’s now the shallow priest’s turn. LAURA: Oh no. Thunderwave. SAM: Oh no, you’re all grouped together. MATT: Yeah. That’s what it’s going to do. Level two Thunderwave. LIAM: Would Caleb have flown backwards when he was struck before? MATT: Hmm? LIAM: When Caleb was knocked down by Thunderwave the first time, would he have been thrown backwards? MATT: It would have thrown you back into the wall. There’s nowhere more for you to push this way. LIAM: Oh, I thought– SAM: Oh no. Is he within the cube? TALIESIN: Well, it depends where the cube goes. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s a direction. It’s not a cube around you, it’s a– you have to shoot it. TRAVIS: It’s shallow priest discretion. What will he do? Look as the DM muddles his choices. Considers consequences. Plans his retribution. SAM: Decides to kill Liam forever. TALIESIN: If he wants to escape, he’s got to knock us all back. TRAVIS: As his hair dangles beautifully in front of his face. Thinks– (singing) I’m in another dimension! MARISHA: Doing the Charleston. MATT: The placement here makes it a little hairy. It’s going to go ahead and– SAM: That’s only three squares, right? MATT: It’s a fifteen-foot cube. In front of you. And it’s trying to– Yeah, you guys are positioned in such a way where it– SAM: It doesn’t have to be in front of you. It says in any direction. MATT: Well yeah, but you can’t be part of a cube, and I’m trying to figure out what would be the most optimal way for it to use it. I’m going to say– TALIESIN: It’s going to be the two of us, I think. Yeah, that’s my money. MATT: No, the ones who are hurt the most are Beau and Yasha and they’ve been the biggest problem for these guys. It’s not too worried about the other two. 15-foot cube. Okay. All right, you know what? It’s going to go ahead and attempt to shift this way one square, into the space with the Spiritual Weapon. TALIESIN: So it gets an attack of opportunity from– MATT: From Yasha. LAURA: And from Jester. MATT: And from Jester. Both of you guys, make an attack. With disadvantage for you, Yasha. It’s risky on its endeavor, but it’s what’s going to give it an opportunity to try and get out of this lockdown. ASHLEY: It hits. MATT: What’d you roll? ASHLEY: I rolled a 16 and a 21. MATT: Okay, 16 hits. ASHLEY: That’s just a regular attack. MATT: Yeah, regular attack. LAURA: I rolled a 15. MATT: 15 just hits. TRAVIS: So if you hit with your Sentinel does that mean its speed is reduced to zero? MATT: Yep. It can’t move. So with Sentinel, it does not get a chance to move as you arc towards it. How much damage did you do? ASHLEY: Nine. MATT: Nine. LAURA: Five. MATT: Five. How do you two want to do this? (cheering) LAURA: I go low, you go high? ASHLEY: Yeah! LAURA: All right. I go low with the handaxe. MATT: Okay. So as you swing with the handaxe and you swing with the sword as it backs away, charging the energy of the Thunderwave in its hands, it tries to slink through the water, the blade of your handaxe carves into its throat from this side (painful grunt). At which point the blade hits from this side (slurp). And like a terrible scene out of Riki-Oh, because I have not used that reference in this campaign, the body gets split in two sides and you watch as it falls to the ground in three separate pieces, (thuds) all sinking beneath the water below. ASHLEY: See ya! TRAVIS: Wouldn’t want to be ya! ASHLEY: Oh my god. Can we grab some of the stuff before he goes into the water? SAM: You’re looting him before he– ASHLEY: Yeah, before he sinks down. LIAM: Should I make another death save? MATT: Yes you do, Caleb. That’s cocked. LIAM: That’s an 11. MATT: Okay. LAURA: I go– Are we still in initiative order? MATT: Right now, at this point, there is no threat. TRAVIS: Can I Blink back in and go, stop! MATT: Yes. You drop the spell. TRAVIS: (panting) LAURA: I’m going to Cure Wounds Caleb. MATT: Okay. Go ahead and heal up for that. LAURA: I’m going to be so pissed off though, about nothing working. I’m just going to touch him with my toes. (laughter) MATT: The last slab of its flesh that you had carved from its head and shoulder area you push into the water, kicking it forward. LAURA: Oh, that’s good. 12 points of healing. MATT: So, Caleb, you heal 12 hit points. LIAM: Thank you. (groans) Ow. SAM: Not attractive. TRAVIS: Can I make my way over and up the steps? TALIESIN: I’ll join you. MATT: We’ll say as you guys gather to go ahead and deal with the aftermath of this battle, we’re going to take a break. (cheering) MATT: Because there is time to take a break. We’ll be back here in just a little bit, guys. TRAVIS: Good shit, man. Good shit. MARISHA: Look, there’s condensation on the map. LAURA: I know, it’s really cool. MATT: Apologies for the humming of the motor from earlier. This is the first time trying it out. Didn’t really need it. It was fine. But yes, so. We’ll be back here in a few minutes, guys. We’ll see you in a little bit. [break] MATT: Welcome back, everybody! Carefully clapping, so not to clap too much. LIAM: No, you got to just do this. MATT: Hi everyone. Welcome back. Before we jump into the story, real fast, we wanted to say a quick hello from a friend of ours who stopped by the office and tonight’s studio to say hello. Babs Tarr, the very, extremely talented comic book artist for many different comic series. Incredibly talented and is very much a Critter along with us and stopped in to say hi! BABS: Thanks for having me, guys! MATT: Of course, thanks for coming by! Where can they find you? BABS: Oh, babsbabsbabs.com or @babsdraws on Instagram and Twitter. Check it out, guys! LIAM: Check out her book, Motor Crush! BABS: Thank you! Yes, Motor Crush Volume 2 just came out, so check it out. MARISHA: And your nails are amazing. MATT: Thank you, Babs. BABS: Bye, guys! ASHLEY: She did that and I was like, ooh! MARISHA: So blue! MATT: Picking up where we left off. You guys rush to pull Caleb off the ground. You’re all beaten, battered– MARISHA: I’m standing right there, so I’ll get you up. LAURA: I’m going to use my Pearl of Power to regain a 3rd-level spell and then I’m going to use Prayer of Healing on everyone. So everyone I can see within my range. So everybody get within 30 feet of me! I’ll do 3d8 of healing for everybody. SAM: Wow! LAURA: Seriously? (shouting) Seriously! TRAVIS: Think of the baby! Stay calm. LIAM: A one, a one, and a two. TALIESIN: Oh, wow. MATT: Laura. LAURA: (shrieks through gritted teeth) So eight points of healing, you guys, for that level three spell. ASHLEY: Okay, but that’s still– SAM: I didn’t even need it because I wasn’t hurt at all in the fight. MARISHA: Can I take your eight points? TRAVIS: Seven points of healing? MATT: Eight points of healing. ASHLEY: I’ll take it. LAURA: (muffled shrieking) SAM: The baby can hear all of this. LAURA: This game’s going to make me go into labor! MARISHA: What if it does, you guys? MATT: No, we need her for as long as we can keep her. MARISHA: That’d be so magical. LAURA: I’m not really mad. I’m fine. SAM: Roll for dilation. TRAVIS: Roll low. MATT: Anyway. Your wounds close up a bit through the incantation. LAURA: The smallest amount. LIAM: You look pretty bad. MARISHA: You look pretty shitty, too. LIAM: I’m good. MARISHA: Your shave is still very nice, though. LIAM: What’s that stuff up there? I’m going to start hobbling towards the bottom of the stony steps. SAM: I’ll help him. MARISHA: Caleb, do you– yeah, all right. LAURA: Check for traps, you guys! SAM: Oh, okay! I can do that. Are there any boxes or treasure chests? MATT: You see remnants of crates and broken goods littered across the rough staircase, now that you take a moment to inspect it. Make an investigation check if you want to glance about the space. SAM: With disadvantage! MATT: Yes, because you are drunk. SAM: That’s an eight. MATT: You find some broken pieces of pottery, it seems like. Nice, polished on one side, with a nice glaze. SAM: I’ll take those. MATT: You can write down in your inventory "broken pieces of shiny pottery.” Fjord? TRAVIS: Can I pick up his big trident that has the cord attached to it? Is it wrapped around his wrist, or anything? Is that how he was pulling people? MATT: If you look at the trident, it looks like it’s a very tightly woven rope, but the individual threads of rope are treated like a leather-type stat, so it’s a really tight leather cord. TRAVIS: Is it attached to his person in some way? MATT: From what you can see, where it was dangling from there, they’re wrapped in a loose loop around the side of their armor, and when they throw it, they catch the end of it and pull it back. TRAVIS: I’ll take the trident and unhook it from his armor. MATT: Okay. It’s about 60 feet of leather cord, if you want to call it that. Sturdy leather cord. It’s heavy, so it’s about twice the weight of hemp rope. It’s stronger, but it’s heavier. TRAVIS: These guys were big. MATT: Yeah, they’re pretty strong. MARISHA: Can I take a short rest while everyone’s doing this? MATT: If you guys want to take a short rest, if you guys are inspecting the rest of the area. TRAVIS: Yeah, y'all look for shit. I’m going to meditate for a hot second. SAM: If you’re going to meditate, maybe go back and check on the little bird? TRAVIS: Where did you leave her? SAM: I think she’s okay, I left her in an invisible– I made a false rock. LAURA: I go into the water to look for her. MATT: Jester, as you come back into the next chamber, you’re looking around and there’s no sign of Kiri. You see natural stone, the pool, a piece of wall to the side, and there’s no sign. LAURA: Oh no! She’s been taken! Kiri! Kiri! MATT: (like Jester) “I’m Kiri!” You look around and you don’t see anything. LAURA: Kiri? Where are you? Are you invisible? MATT: (like Jester) “Yes, I’m very sweet!” LAURA: Oh, Kiri! I’m going to find you. Say “warmer” or “colder,” and I start walking around the room. Warmer? MATT: (like Jester) “Warmer?” You slowly start making your way towards this weird cylindrical stone wall that you now realize wasn’t there before. LAURA: This is a weird-looking wall. MATT: You reach through and your hand goes right into a tuft of feathers. (startled chirping) LAURA: Kiri! MATT: Kiri reaches up and grabs your hand, and you pull her through the illusion. She steps out and goes, (like Cali) “I killed people!” LAURA: Good for you! I did too, just barely. It was a bad day for me, Kiri. MATT: Kiri points to one of the bodies of the merrow that you had killed the night before that’s barely visible out of the water there. It looks like it has a couple stab wounds to it, and Kiri’s like– LAURA: Did you go stab a dead person? MATT: (chirping) LAURA: We should probably teach you that’s not the coolest thing to do, I don’t think, but it’s fine that you did it this time. I’m sure he didn’t feel it. But probably if we’re in a place where other people are around, we probably shouldn’t stab people that are already hurt. MATT: (like Jester) “Okay, okay, okay.” LAURA: I mean, no, that’s a lie. Unless they are attacking you. Don’t stab people that are dead-dead. MATT: (like Jester) “Okay, okay, okay.” LAURA: Okay, okay, okay. LIAM: I realize something in a panic and I trudge through the water back towards the entrance and I pull out the wire and I put it in my hands and I cast Message and say to Jester: Please, please, please get my books and put them in your bag, please? LAURA: Okay. MATT: Make an investigation check, Jester. LAURA: Watch me roll a fucking 20 on this. TALIESIN: Oh god no. LAURA: Oh god no. That was cocked, and I just moved it. Oh good, that’s worse. Four. MATT: As you spend a moment searching around in the middle of the dirt with no luck, there’s a little knock on your shoulder with a pointed finger. You glance over and Kiri has the book bundle, the leather strap– LAURA: Were you holding those the whole time? MATT: (chirping) Points to the side corner. LAURA: Put those books in this pink bag, okay? All right. TRAVIS: Are there any stairways, or doors, or gates, or anything that would lead upwards from this cavern? MATT: If you want to start inspecting the area: up the stairs, there’s a platform above where there’s more of the boxes and crates and there’s piles of things gathered around some sort of rock formation, where that mist seems to be emanating from, which is still loosely drifting off of the surface of the water. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll take a closer look. MATT: Okay. Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: 14, okay. You can see scattered bits of gold and silver and copper that have been lost amongst the steps here, some of them covered in dirt or mud and can be cleaned and pulled out of there. As you ascend the steps, if anybody wants to join Fjord as well? You go with him as well? You also see there’s a bunch of silverware thrown around. Very nice, fine silverware that is, in many cases, partially packed with more mud, sand, and whatever grime is here. It looks like everything was brought here, and largely a number of it has been discarded or left with no particular purpose. As you begin to pore through some of it, you see there’s a crate that’s partially open. There’s a cache of weapons in there that are bound in clusters with leather straps around them. Looking there, there are four well-made longswords, four well-made shortswords, two battleaxes, and two halberds that are part of this cache. They’re resting open on the inside of this open crate. There’s a locked, dark wood case, about four feet across and a foot wide, that is currently closed and latched. There’s also a locked iron box that’s flat, a foot and a half by a foot and a half. It’s simple, steel, iron look to it. Then there’s the stone formation that’s about six to ten foot at different places. It’s a bit oblong and strange. It’s not a perfect oval, but it’s made to be this pool of water, where the mist is rising and sifting out of it. Around the edges of it, there are dozens and dozens of metallic objects of different shapes and configurations and designs. Make a religion check. TRAVIS: Natural 19, for 21. MATT: You recognize a majority of the iconography here. It looks like one of these bundles– one of these boxes that was gathered here– was filled with holy symbols and religious iconography, most of which appear to be deities that are outlawed by the Empire. You see symbols and worship idols for the Archeart. You see some for Avandra, the Changebringer. You see a number of Moonweaver holy symbols with the two crescent moons across the silver cross. You see the hook and the wreath of the Wildmother, Melora, a number of those scattered about, some in disrepair, with actual pieces of dried barley and other grains around it. You see a number of symbols of Kord, the Stormlord. You see a handful for the Everlight. There are a few more dubious symbols as well. There’s one that looks like a dark, horned crown that you recognize that is used to invoke Asmodeus, the Lord of the Hells. You see one that looks like– you only see a few of these, but it looks like a series of chains and shackles that are across a coffin-like box, and you know that, because you rolled super high, to represent Bane, the Strife Emperor, who is a deity of conquest. SAM: Let’s hear it, Liam. LIAM: (Bane voice) “Your punishment will be more severe.” MATT: There it is. MARISHA: You were waiting for it! MATT: As well as the clawed hand on a number of items that resemble Tiamat, the Scaled Tyrant. TRAVIS: You guys, come up here. There’s a ton of arms up here. There’s battleaxes and swords, but there’s all these trinkets and holy symbols. LIAM: Are you being careful up there? TRAVIS: Careful? LIAM: Yeah, you know. Nott could have a look around, I could have a look around once Jester returns with my books. TRAVIS: Yeah, I actually wouldn’t mind if you check for magic. And Nott, actually, there’s this four-foot long box if you want to try and open her up for me. MATT: Jester, you return. Did you take Kiri with you? LAURA: I’ll have her hold on to my belt as we swim. SAM: Is it locked? TRAVIS: I think so. It looks to be latched shut in some way. MATT: At this point, you hear a distant sound that echoes through the wall (fluttering). You spin and look over and you can see Jester emerging from the water and a little black bird that is currently fluttering to try to get the water off the feathers. LIAM: I start speed wading back. (stuttering) Are my books dry? LAURA: Oh yeah, I put them in my coat. Don’t worry, they’re fine. LIAM: But can I see them? LAURA: Yeah. Just kidding. They’re in the bag. Don’t worry. LIAM: Are they dry? MATT: They’re dry. LIAM: They’re dry. Okay. MATT: Nott, what were you looking at? SAM: There’s a locked box? TRAVIS: The four-foot long one. MATT: Yeah, there’s two boxes. SAM: Two boxes? TRAVIS: The iron one and the wooden one. LIAM: I recommend that you allow me to check for magical problems. Then once we know what’s what, then you go in. But that takes about ten minutes. SAM: Okay. Yes. Sounds good to me. TRAVIS: Yeah, sure. We’re kind of in the middle of a short rest anyways. LIAM: So I will pull out my spellbook and I will use ritual casting to cast Detect Magic. MATT: Okay. As you focus, there is a– as you look over, there is a faint magical aura from inside the pool where the mist is emanating, and the long wooden box emanates a magical source from the inside. TALIESIN: Is the staff that the– MATT: You’d have to try and retrieve the body. It sunk into the water. TALIESIN: We grabbed it before it sank. MATT: The staffed one? Okay. As you pull the staff over, the staff does not have any magical properties. It looked like it was just a focus for whatever spellcasting it was doing. Make an investigation check as you were going back to the body. LIAM: There’s a glow in the water as well? MATT: If you want. LIAM: Well, I’m not doing anything. I’m just saying. MATT: You feel a magical presence within the pool. Not the pool itself, but within. And the mist is still pouring over the edges of it. ASHLEY: The pool that’s up at the– MATT: Yeah, the upper platform. MARISHA: I like having codenames. LAURA: Are you looking? Who’s looking? SAM: I’ll try– Should I try to open the box? TRAVIS: He’s still doing his magic circle or whatever. LIAM: We know that there is something magical in the pool itself and then you said the long wooden box is glowing? MATT: Yes. LIAM: What kind of magic is coming off of the wooden box? MATT: Enchantment. LIAM: Enchantment. LAURA: (exaggerated cockney accent) Enchantment! MATT: (exaggerated cockney accent) Enchantment! Hi, Yuri. TALIESIN: I’ll take a look in there. I’ll walk towards the pool at the very least. I’m going to pick up any of the Moonweaver pieces. MATT: Make an investigation check as you pore through and find as many as you want to. LIAM: I don’t believe that there is any kind of protection or magical lock on that. So, yeah, try to pick the lock from a distance. LAURA: Ooh, what are all these things, Molly? TALIESIN: I’m not entirely sure, but they’re very, very nice. MATT: Are you glancing through as well? LAURA: Yeah. I want to find something for the Traveler. MATT: Okay. Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: Is this on the priest? The shallow priest? MATT: This is the pile of religious iconography. LAURA: 11. MATT: 11. Okay. Because– TALIESIN: Also 11. MATT: All right. You find– and there’s a number of these. You see, probably, in total, well over 100 to 120 various holy symbols, idols, small representations pressed into metal or clay. These are all means of worship from a grand scale to a pauper scale that seem to have been part of what was moving through this smuggling path. LAURA: I’m looking for the Traveler’s symbol. MATT: Which you find two. (gasps) MATT: You, who have never met anybody else who has ever met the Traveler, you look down and find amongst this pile two holy symbols of different make. One appears to be almost pure silver. One looks like it’s a little more of a burnished bronze or a dull iron that’s very, very heavily tarnished. But they both have the same door arch with the road expanding from the center. LAURA: Whoa! Look! SAM: What is it? What are they? LAURA: Oh, I wasn’t talking to you. SAM: Oh, okay. LAURA: Look! TRAVIS: Who are you talking to, Jester? LAURA: The Traveler! Lookit! You have symbols here! TALIESIN: It looks like a door. LAURA: It is a door. He’s a traveler. He travels. TALIESIN: His symbol is a door? LAURA: Yeah. TRAVIS: Do you feel the Traveler in here? LAURA: Well, if he is, he was fucking with me earlier. Are you in here? MATT: No response. LAURA: I don’t think so. MARISHA: Do I see anything from Ioun? I hobble up, crack my rib back in place. MATT: Make an investigation check. MARISHA: Okay. TRAVIS: It’s actually a little discomforting, these symbols. TALIESIN: I would say so. MARISHA: You said investigation? MATT: Yep. MARISHA: Ten. MATT: You give a solid glance through and it looks like, no. Ioun, the Knowing Mistress, is one of the approved religions, and you get the sense that all the symbols that are here are religions that are unapproved by the Empire or considered betrayer gods and are not approved anywhere. TALIESIN: What do I find for the Moonweaver? MATT: Oh, plenty of Moonweaver symbols. There’s probably a good 12 or 13. TRAVIS: There’s also some very dark deities here. Asmodeus. LAURA: Which ones are the bad ones? TRAVIS: Asmodeus? MATT: Asmodeus. TRAVIS: Asmodeus, Bane the Strife Emperor, Tiamat– LAURA and MATT: (singing) Asmodeus, Asmodeus! SAM: I’ll cast Mage Hand from afar and try to unlock the big box. MATT: Go ahead and make your– with disadvantage. SAM: Oh, an 18 and a 19. MATT: Oh, look at that! Even while drunk, little Nott’s able to– LIAM: (sing-song) Do-de-do-de-do! SAM: (sing-song) Whoopie-doopie-doopie-doopie-doop, click! TALIESIN: You did check for traps, right? LAURA: Doesn’t matter. SAM: No, I’m opening it! Fuck off, grandpa! TALIESIN: I’m going to sit back and watch. LIAM: She’s doing it from 30 feet away. Hopefully that’s enough. MATT: The latch spins off, and a blade fires out from where the lock was, shoots across the room, and vanishes into the darkness before it scrapes off some stone in the distance. LAURA: Good job, Nott! TALIESIN: Again! MATT: It appears to be open. There’s a slight gap now where the lid is now open. You lift it up. Looking inside, you see this beautiful jewel-inlaid, curved golden blade of some kind. With what little bit of light that you guys have at your disposal now, you can see it shining and it’s this pure gold color. As you swing it for a moment, it seems to bend with the movement before flicking back into place. LAURA: It’s made of rubber. MARISHA: It’s the rubber pencil trick. SAM: Is it a super long blade? Or is it like a rapier-type thing? MATT: It would constitute in the vein of a scimitar. TALIESIN: That looks very exciting. I’m going to run over– SAM: No, I don’t think– TALIESIN: Yeah, nope, no– I’m pushing aside. I’m going to try the weight. MATT: It’s pretty well-balanced. Lighter than you’d expect. And gold is not a good metal for any sort of combat. It’s a soft metal and you see the flexibility seems such but yet it’d probably hit pretty hard, but you’re a little worried about using gold for any sort of combat scenario. LAURA: Maybe it’s ceremonial. TALIESIN: Perhaps. ASHLEY: Swing it around. TALIESIN: I give it a swing. MATT: Swings pretty solid. ASHLEY: Want to hit me with it? LAURA: No, wait! Let Caleb look at it. What if it’s super-duper cursed, Yasha? SAM: We’ll melt it down and sell it for raw gold. TALIESIN: It’s worth more as it is. LIAM: That looks heavy, so first, you hold that. Have we found everything? Also, while all that was going on, I was looking for a jagged cross with two crescent moons in it. MATT: Yes, and you managed to find it. You find probably about 6 or 7 different variations to the Archeart’s iconography. MARISHA and TALIESIN: Archeart? LIAM: Of those 6 or 7 that I saw, I will take the one that looks the most familiar to me from my memory. MATT: You find one that’s pretty similar to the one that you saw. LIAM: I’m going to keep that. MATT: You pocket it. ASHLEY: I rolled a 13. MATT: A 13 to– ASHLEY: To look for a symbol of the Stormlord. MATT: You find about four of them. Two of them are medallions and one of them looks like a ceramic marker that would be hung on a wall. One of them looks like it was part of a latch on a small chest and was torn from it. You see bits of rotted wood on the back of it where it may have been previously pressed in and bolted against the outside of a chest. MARISHA: Can I look around on the walls and on the doors and, using my criminal background, see if I see anything that’s Thieves’ Cant or smuggling operation things? MATT: Sure. Make an investigation check. MARISHA: 23. MATT: Okay. While you guys are having this conversation, Beau is casing the joint here. There are no hidden exits. In fact, you get the sense that all the entrances and exits here are through the various pools of water. You begin to think, based on placement, that there’s probably a network of caverns here, and possibly more merrow that exist in the vicinity of the lake, of the Ounterloch beyond here. TRAVIS: Can you describe what the Bane, the Strife Emperor, symbol looks like? MATT: Yes, actually. I can show you an image of it. LAURA: You know, there are a lot of shackles around everywhere, right? TRAVIS: Here? TALIESIN: In general. LAURA: Didn’t we find, like, four manacles? And there were four dead bodies, too, right in the other room? MARISHA: We keep finding dead skeletons. ASHLEY: And also steal 185 gold, which we did not disburse. MATT: That is what you see. It’s like an upside-down, coffin-like design, with these chains that cross over. TRAVIS: It’s just this little handheld thing? MATT: Yes. It’s roughly a little larger than your palm. TRAVIS: Can I toss it into the well? MATT: Sure. It sinks down and for a moment, it obscures, but you see this very faint yellowish color on the bottom. It disappears into the pool. LAURA: Why would you do that? Are you trying to bring about this really weird god? Can I reach in and try to get it out? MATT: Sure. You reach in and you scour around and your hand touches and finds the symbol. Next to it, there’s a polished stone about that big that’s resting in the silt at the bottom. LAURA: Ooh. I reach in and grab that. MATT: Okay. You pull out the stone, and as soon as the water emerges from it, it’s smooth. It looks like a cat’s eye. It has a yellowish color to it and there are striations that refract light around it. At one end, it looks like there was– an impact carved a line about three inches across on one side. LIAM: Clearly that’s what’s glowing at the bottom to my eyes? MATT: It has a very faint yellowish glow. LIAM: What kind of magic, school of magic, is it? MATT: It’s not a school of arcane magic. LAURA: What is this? I still grab the other little symbol. MATT: Okay, symbol there. LIAM: I don’t know. I think you should put it– LAURA: Want to look at it? LIAM: Yeah, let’s put it down with that sword that we found, Mollymauk. MARISHA: Does the groove in it look like it matches the size of the blade of the sword? MATT: She sets it down, and rests it there next to the other symbol, at an angle. It doesn’t look like it matches the sword. The groove that’s hewn into it, what at first looked like it was impacted or wounded by some sort of damage, upon closer look, it looks intentionally placed or carved in. So you have this cat’s eye, yellowish sphere with this three inch-wide, pointed oval line in the front. LAURA: Looks like it’s an eyeball. MARISHA: Yeah. SAM: Could be the end of a sending stone or something. TRAVIS: Did any of the shortswords, longswords, battleaxes– any of those register under Caleb’s magic sweep or they’re just nicely made? MATT: They’re just well-made, like freshly made and were being sent somewhere. SAM: Should we take them all? LIAM: Do you want to see something? LAURA: I hold it up in front of my face. SAM: Ah, you’re a cyclops! Kill her! LAURA: Can I see through it? MATT: You cannot. LIAM: Come with me, okay? LAURA: All right. LIAM: I’m going to lead Jester up to the top where fish guy was at the beginning with his staff. Set it down, and– MATT: That’s where you guys are standing right now. LIAM: We’re already up there? MATT: That’s where you’ve removed from the pool. LIAM: Yeah, I want to go up where all the little thingies are. MATT: Yes. LIAM: Let’s set it down, just in case. Okay? Then I pull out my spell book again and– Will you hold this for me? LAURA: Of course I will. Thank you very much. LIAM: Sit down with me. I rifle through the pages to the right one for Identify and the sword is down. Okay, I’m going to use this one. You can see– and I start showing the different glyphs and I start the ritual. MATT: Fjord. Something about that orb is very familiar. SAM: He’s teaching you magic. Listen carefully. LAURA: I am. SAM: You’ll learn new spells this way. LAURA: I’m listening. SAM: What did he just say? LAURA: He’s not talking right now. SAM: Oh, yes. Okay. LAURA: He’s muttering. LIAM: So it takes ten minutes to make the spell. MATT: Okay. So, while you’re doing that. TALIESIN: Is there one more box we haven’t opened? MATT: There is one more metal box that’s not been opened. SAM: Should I open it? TALIESIN: You should check for traps and open it. SAM: All right. I’ll finger it from afar. MATT: Make an investigation check. LAURA: Are we far enough away from it? MATT: With disadvantage, because you are drunk. SAM: It’s a one. MATT: Okay. Seems fine. SAM: I’ll open it. TALIESIN: In theory, we’ve moved it aside. MATT: All right. Disadvantage, to try and open the lock. SAM: What is this, thieves’ tools? MATT: Thieves’ tools. So it’s dexterity plus your proficiency bonus. SAM: I’ll never figure this out. Dexterity plus– LAURA: Proficiency. SAM: I rolled a ten. LAURA: So 17. MATT: 17? That’ll do it. You needed a 16. The iron box opens. Nothing goes off; no blades, no traps. On the inside, you see a beautifully smithed sword handle and hilt made from silver with an acorn-sized emerald set on each side of the hilt, right in the center. TALIESIN: Oh, let’s put that in the pile. SAM: There’s no blade? MATT: The blade extends for an inch before it’s broken off at a jagged angle. TALIESIN: Let’s put that in the pile, too. MARISHA: An inch? MATT: There’s an inch of the blade. It seems to have broken off at some point. LAURA: Is it magic? LIAM: I thought it was just the long box that we already opened. SAM: Well, this was a metal box. MATT: Right. You did not sense any magic from this. LAURA: (gasps) Can I use Mending on it? LIAM: If the box was solid enough, that’s true. MATT: You attempt to cast Mending on this? LAURA: On the sword. MATT: Strangely, it resists it. TRAVIS: Oh, put that shit in the pile. LAURA: Yeah. Okay. MATT: There’s something about it. Even though it didn’t emanate a magical essence from what he was requesting, the Mending spell, for some reason, is unable to grasp the nature of this object to complete it. LIAM: I would think there would be enough time overlap, though, for Detect Magic to still have one or two minutes left before we get to the end of Identify. So if that is brought over, do I notice any sort of glow from– MATT: No magical essence from it, but as you’re looking over it, beyond just the beautiful make of it, you do see runes carved across the hilt and at the pommel. It looks like at one point it was an enchanted blade, but was sundered and is missing the rest. LIAM: Okay. So I mutter. I pause my chanting and say: I will take a look at that in a moment. Hold on. And finish my 11 minutes of ritual casting. TRAVIS: I’m not going to interrupt, but that sphere looks very– LAURA: Like an eyeball. TRAVIS: Yeah, famili– Do you mind if I– is it wet? LIAM: Wait. Is anyone going to interrupt me before I get to the end of Identify? SAM: No. Let’s wait in real time. 11 minutes. LIAM: Yeah? (laughter) TALIESIN: Roll initiative. MARISHA: It doesn’t look like the gash in the orb is deeper than the length of the blade that’s left, correct? MATT: I’m sorry. What was that? LIAM: Just a bunch of sexual innuendo, Matt. ASHLEY: But what about the other sword? MATT: What was your question? MARISHA: The– god damn it. SAM: No. He said before that it didn’t look like the blade made the gash in the eye. MARISHA: But this was a different blade. ASHLEY: That was a different blade, though. MARISHA: There are two blades. LIAM: Yes. There’s a complete blade that’s magic. MARISHA: But I’m just wondering if it fits. Never mind. MATT: Oh, fits the– MARISHA: Let him finish the damn spell. TRAVIS: If it fits the gash in the side of the sphere. MARISHA: The sphere. The broken hilt. MATT: No. The carve in the sphere is about three inches long. The blade looks like it would’ve been about two inches wide and it’s broken off at a jagged side angle. LIAM: Caleb is furrowing his brow at everybody arguing about this as he’s 30 seconds away from ending. MARISHA: Stop! Con-cen-trate! Con-cen-trate! LIAM: Lost. Gone. MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll help Jester look around. Maybe we see a broken blade somewhere while he finishes that. LIAM: Jester’s holding my spell book. LAURA: I know. I pass it over to Nott. Here. I’m not learning anything. MARISHA: Jester and I do a quick scan to see if we can find the broken blade. MATT: Okay. Investigation check. Either both of you roll, or one of you roll with advantage. Up to you. LAURA: Take advantage. MARISHA: Do you see anything? Take advantage? A nine and a ten? It’s okay. 15. MATT: 15. Looking around, you see no sign of any other half of the blade, broken or not. TALIESIN: It was in a case, so I suppose it would be unlikely. Or if it was on its way somewhere, it was probably on the way to the other end of it. LAURA: I walk back over to Caleb. MATT: Okay. Anybody else? Okay. MARISHA: What do you find out? MATT: So you finish casting Identify on– LIAM: On sword and cat’s eye. It’s whatever’s sitting in my little– MATT: All right. The sword is not magical, and so it does not give you any essence as to what enchantment it is. Looking at the runes, you could see that there was once held magic– LIAM: The complete sword? MATT: Oh, the finished one? Sorry, I misunderstood. That, yes. LIAM: All this shit doesn’t exist, so sometimes it’s hard to tell what we’re talking about. MATT: I’m sorry. LAURA: It exists, Liam. MATT: That, you do have immediate grasp of what it is capable of. LIAM: This blade is called Summer’s Dance. MARISHA: (singing) Ooh, I want to dance with somebody. MARISHA, SAM, and LAURA: (singing) I want to feel the heat with somebody! LIAM: Mr. Mollymauk? TALIESIN: Mr. Caleb. LIAM: I feel like this might be good for you. There is a kind of magic that I do not even possess that allows you to vanish from one point and reappear in another, and this blade will allow you to do it. TALIESIN: (maniacal laughter) You’re going to get yours, oh yes. LIAM: It is a very fine blade. It is more lethal than a regular blade and will allow you to poof, poof, poof. TALIESIN: I’ll be living the dream. LIAM: You can all argue over it, but I hand it to Mollymauk. As well as the cat’s eye. MATT: Okay, so you begin concentrating another ten minutes on the cat’s eye. LIAM: Is it one spell, one item? MATT: You choose one object to cast on. LIAM: Okay, next. MATT: So wait another ten minutes. TRAVIS: While he’s concentrating on it, can I sit down next to him and touch it? MATT: Sure. SAM: Touch it, meaning his penis. TRAVIS: Yeah. LIAM: You’re welcome, internet. MATT: As Caleb’s concentrating on it, you reach out and touch the stone. Your body immediately goes cold. SAM: Oh! He’s dead, he died. LIAM: Could have waited 11 minutes, but no. MATT: Your vision vanishes from your eyes as darkness fills your world. Your lids itch like some sand or dirt now scrapes the inside of the skin, and you rub them with your wrist. Your eyes open to find yourself somewhere else. The sky is moonlit and cloudless, the starry night looking down at you. Your clothes are not your own, nor is your body. A thick, brown leather overcoat lined in buckles wraps around your torso while sun-weathered human skin marks your flesh. You notice your hands are dirty and thick with calluses as you clutch the very same yellow, polished stone in your left hand. Looking down, you see the body of the individual who was its previous owner, now still in a pool of crimson dark. You glance around the place, some jungle-grown natural landmass by a pond. The smell of seawater is strong on the wind in the middle of the night. Flash– in your right hand grasps the familiar falchion, water dripping from the blade. A voice booms into your mind: “Potential.” A sudden, uncontrollable hunger overcomes you as you instinctually jam the stone into your gut. It slowly sinks into your human flesh painlessly. As it’s being pushed into your torso: “Consume.” As it quickly vanishes within your belly, the hunger subsides as exhaustion takes over. You fall to your knees and look within the water, your reflection familiar, but not your own: Vandrin. “Reward.” Just as quickly as the vision came, in the blink of an eye, it’s gone, your reflection now that of the familiar half-orc, looking into the pool where the stone was found, but the stone is gone. The rest of you guys watched, in the middle of this concentration, while Fjord touched the stone, grabbed it, and jammed it into his chest. Before all of you could even react and push forward, it had already been thrust through his armor and into his body. You reach over and try and grab him, and with a strength you’ve never felt in his body, he lurches towards the pond and thrusts it fully in, seemingly under some sort of uncontrolled force, his eyes glazed over and staring forward. Suddenly, he comes back, and as you glance around, you feel tension on your body as all your friends are grabbing onto your body and pull you away from the pool. MARISHA: Where’s the orb? MATT: It’s gone. SAM: What the fuck was that?! What just happened?! TRAVIS: How do I feel? MATT: Exhausted. MARISHA: Are you clammy, a little warm? MATT: You actually take a point of exhaustion. LAURA: Can I touch his chest and his stomach? TALIESIN: Yeah, check to see if there’s a scar or anything. MATT: There’s no damage to the armor, and as you pull back some of the leather plates, there’s no sign of a wound. TRAVIS: I feel funny. What happened? LAURA: Caleb, did you Identify it before it went into him? What was it? TRAVIS: Into me? LAURA: You have the thing in you! ASHLEY: It’s now in your chest. LIAM: You grabbed the stone before I had a chance to finish what I was doing. Why did you do that? TRAVIS: I felt like I’d seen it before. I just wanted to touch it. LIAM: Why? TRAVIS: I don’t know. You ever see something you felt like you’d seen in a dream before, but you don’t know why or how? LIAM: No. TALIESIN and LAURA: Yes. TRAVIS: I’m sorry. I felt compelled to– I felt like there was half a chance I’d touch it and it wouldn’t be there. I saw things. MARISHA: Like what? TRAVIS: People I knew. A man, he’s very dear to me. I don’t understand it, but he was– I was him, and he was holding the sphere. The eye. LIAM: I was him, what does that mean? ASHLEY: Who was he? TRAVIS: Again, you ever have that dream where you look in the water and you see another face looking back at you, like you’re someone else? SAM and TALIESIN: Yes. LAURA and LIAM: No. TRAVIS: 50/50. You said I put the sphere in my– LAURA: Yeah, you stuck it into your chest. TRAVIS: I saw him do– I saw me as him doing the same thing. He was standing over someone, covered in blood, and he put the sphere inside of him. LAURA: Who was he? TRAVIS: He was my mentor, a captain of mine. A man named Vandrin. LAURA: I’ve heard you say his name before. TRAVIS: Yes. I haven’t seen him in quite some time. I don’t know what any of this means, but I’m not a fan of losing track of time like that. LAURA: Well, what if you’re cursed now? How do we know you’re going to be okay? You have a weird thing inside of you! MARISHA: Yeah, do you feel any heartburn or any constipation? Because that thing was big, and it’s– TRAVIS: I bend over and put my hands on my knees, and– MATT: You don’t feel any strange spheres in the inside of your abdomen. TRAVIS: I don’t feel anything. I do feel pretty tired, though. ASHLEY: What happened to Vandrin? TRAVIS: I’m not exactly sure. He may be dead. He captained a ship that I worked on for many years and there was an incident. SAM: Did the ship sink? TRAVIS: I believe so. There was an explosion, and we were in terrible weather. There were waves, we were being thrown about, and I was knocked overboard. I never saw what happened to Vandrin, but when I woke up, I was back on shore and I didn’t see anything of the ship or him or any of the other crewmates. LAURA: Maybe he’s alive and you were seeing through his eyes right now? TRAVIS: I would like that. I would like that very much; he was very good to me when a lot of people in my life haven’t been, but he was holding the sphere– how could he be holding it if I was? LAURA: Maybe there’s more than one? MARISHA: Maybe if you concentrate on his idea, maybe you can feel him some way. Or maybe this thing is like a beacon to him? SAM: Or maybe he’s cursed and he’s going to turn evil and kill us all in our sleep? MARISHA: Maybe you’re cursed. LIAM: Are you skipping any details? ASHLEY: Yeah, how did you survive? [battle music] LAURA: (gasps) I feel like something’s going to attack us. TALIESIN: Roll for initiative. TRAVIS: (demonic voice) I’ll tell you how I survived! MATT: Don’t spoil the surprise, Travis! MARISHA: It’s a trauma film, no! LIAM: Are you skipping any details? TRAVIS: Did I recognize the body that was lying in blood? MATT: No. Nobody you’d seen before. All you recall is seeing the orb and the same sword that you have in his hand. TRAVIS: No, no details. I knew this man very well. He was almost like a father to me, and I never saw him holding anything like this. Not that I remember. Do I ever remember seeing anything like that in his quarters, in his offices, anything? MATT: No, weirdly. TRAVIS: It’s unique, I’d remember. MATT: There’s a strange aspect as you focus really hard to remember, but the face that you saw in the water was definitely Vandrin. Maybe a little younger than you remember him: faintly less gray to his hair and facial hair. TRAVIS: I’m not leaving anything out. ASHLEY: But how did you survive that? TRAVIS: I’m not entirely sure. I remember getting thrown overboard, the waves overtaking me. It was a hell of a fight, and I’m a real good swimmer, but you’d come up for air one second and your mouth would be full of salt water the next. I remember losing track of which way was up. It’s funny, when you’re underwater and it’s dark, the only way to tell which way is towards the surface is by blowing bubbles. I did that as hard as I could with all the air that was in my lungs and those bubbles disappeared. I remember it stinging, filling my chest and the next thing I knew, I was face-down on the shore. MARISHA: Sounds a lot like dying. TRAVIS: Yeah. I’ve heard a lot of tales of men drowning, being brought back. They say that same thing. But no one was with me on that shore, I was alone. LAURA: Maybe mermaids rescued you. SAM: Or maybe your father is a sperm whale and that’s how you survived, because you’re half whale or fish. LAURA: Maybe you’re a mermaid and you don’t know. SAM: I think that that’s likely. ASHLEY: What kind of ship was it? TRAVIS: Just a merchant ship. He had many. LAURA: What was the explosion you talked about? TRAVIS: There was a bit of sabotage on the ship. MARISHA: A coup? TRAVIS: I wish I knew. If I’m lucky, one of these days I’ll find out. MARISHA: Well, might be sooner rather than later, now. LAURA: Oh man, that’s totally weird. TALIESIN: I’m going to walk up and take a look at this pool one more time. I want to taste the water; is it fresh or salt? MATT: The water is salt water. TRAVIS: The pool water? MATT: The pool water is salt water. All the rest of the water in this cavern is fresh. MARISHA: The pool water is salt water? MATT: Yes. TALIESIN: It’s sea water. ASHLEY: Fjord, what if you try jumping in this water? MARISHA: I kind of agree with that. TALIESIN: Why were they bringing religious iconography to this thing? What were they trying to do with it? MARISHA: Well, this is all, from what I can recognize, deities that are not sanctioned by the empire. TRAVIS: But good and evil deities. MARISHA: I mean, things that are wanted that are illegal are going to be wanted. It seems like there was clearly a high demand for some people to worship who they want to. TRAVIS: On the edge or around it, right? Not in? MATT: Yeah, and you get– make an intelligence check for me. LIAM: I feel like we’re missing something. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: Looking at this, and looking at the way things are spread about, you get the sense that something drew the merrow to the safe house. They took whatever they found in the safe house below, tore through it, and placed whatever was important to them in this area. SAM: They wanted this eye thing. LAURA: That was the whole reason they attacked was– what if they attack you now? TRAVIS: For what? LAURA and SAM: For having the thing inside of you! TRAVIS: But you can’t see it! I don’t have it! LAURA and SAM: Maybe they can sense it. LAURA: Yeah! SAM: We solved it. LAURA: We solved the mystery. LIAM: I’m going to cast Dancing Lights and scour the room. Is there anything we’re missing? MATT: Make an investigation check. TRAVIS: How big is the well? MATT: It’s roughly five to eight feet in diameter. ASHLEY: What happens if you look over, do you see yourself? TRAVIS: Oh shit, that’s not a bad call. I’ll check my reflection in the well. MATT: Okay. You look in the well, the water is moving in there. It’s you. TALIESIN: I’m going to push his head underneath the water. MATT: (splashing water, sputtering) Salt water, you start coughing for a minute and come up. TALIESIN: Anything? TRAVIS: (coughs once) LAURA: He’s coughing up salt water again! SAM: Just like his dreams. TRAVIS: Try again. TALIESIN: Tap three times when you’re done. Push him under. SAM: Can you breathe? Can you breathe underwater? TRAVIS: (inhales) MATT: You are drowning. TRAVIS: I’m tapping like a motherfucker. MATT: You pull him out of the pool. He starts coughing up the water. TRAVIS: (coughing) TALIESIN: We’re even for the teleport now. LAURA: I don’t think he’s a mermaid anymore. TALIESIN: Of course, it’s possible it hasn’t actually had an effect on you yet, either. SAM: Or it can only be on the full moon, or something. TALIESIN: That doesn’t make any sense. SAM: I know mythology. LAURA: Caleb, can you Detect Magic on Fjord? Can you sense anything? LIAM: If you have 11 minutes to spare, yes I can. SAM: Can I just point out, not to be a jerk– TALIESIN: Is this about whales? LIAM: I begin ritual casting Detect Magic. MATT: As you’re doing that, you do get the sense that the longer you’re here, in a nexus between these numerous merrow tunnels, the higher your chance gets of having more arriving. LIAM: Oh man, ritual casting. LAURA: No, let’s get out of here. TALIESIN: This place is definitely making me nervous. We should do our best to cut off this particular flow-through. MARISHA: Maybe they were gathering a bunch of these items because they were looking for the exact one for this one. TALIESIN: I think they were trying to activate it. They were trying to please it. LAURA: Should we gather up all of the things and put them back up in the tree? SAM: Can we put them all in the bag? TRAVIS: Anybody want any of the weapons? Shortswords, longswords, battleaxes? TALIESIN: Let’s leave it exactly where they’re supposed to be so we did our job. SAM: What do you mean, “where they’re supposed to be?” They stole it from the smugglers. TALIESIN: We’re working for the smugglers. We’ll put it back in the safe house. LAURA: Okay, we’ll take it all back upstairs. MATT: You guys gather up as much as you can, take your way via the rope through the water, Kiri in tow. You make your way back up, handing things off up into the tunnel. Eventually, over the next hour or so, get most of what was down there that you could back up into the safe house. LAURA: Are any of the weapons that we found better than my handaxe? MATT: I mean, they’re all what they are. MARISHA: Any dope bos? LIAM: Just one. LAURA: You’re Beau. You’re looking for a staff? MARISHA: Bo staff? MATT: No quarterstaffs. They all appear to be steel weapons that are part of this cache. There is a long polearm– a halberd, there’s two of them– that does have a shaft of wood, but it’s designed for the weight of the bladed edge. You could break it off and make it a quarterstaff if you really wanted to, but it would be comparable to what you already have. MARISHA: No, I have a staff. SAM: Any shortswords better than my shortsword? MATT: They’re well-made and fresh. SAM: I like mine. Do they seem sharper, or deadlier? MATT: They’re less worn, but they’re not deadlier, per se. TRAVIS: Who’s holding onto the broken-off hilt? LAURA: I put it in the bag. TRAVIS: Do you mind if I carry that? TALIESIN: You know, yeah. LIAM: Can I take 30 seconds to see if it jogs my memory since I’m such a history buff? MATT: Yeah, make a history check. MARISHA: Can I assist him on that? MATT: Sure. MARISHA: You have assistance. Roll with advantage. LIAM: Nope. Big 13. MATT: Doesn’t jog your memory. It looks old. Looks like it’s been around a while. MARISHA: Can I try and do it myself and do a ki point thing? MATT: Unfortunately, you already aided somebody with it. TALIESIN: He wants to do this. See if it does anything. That’s fair. LAURA: Don’t try to stick this inside of you too, though, okay? TRAVIS: No, I’m not. SAM: We’re back up on the upper level? MATT: You guys are back in the safe house now, yes. SAM: Should we blow up the tunnel? TALIESIN: If it’s possible, I would love to cave this thing in. MARISHA: Do you have boom sticks still? SAM: I don’t, but two of us do. Wait, do I? TRAVIS: We have four sticks. LAURA: Won’t the sound attract all of the things? I feel like the sound will attract all of the merrow people. MARISHA: As long as we’re not here. TALIESIN: I don’t think they’re going to come up once we’re out of here. They’d have to dig through. SAM: We have two of them among us. TALIESIN: Mind like a steel trap. LIAM: I do not have any. TRAVIS: I just said we have two sticks. LIAM: I heard that, but who’s got them? MARISHA: Who’s got the sticks? We’ve got sticks. LIAM: I also have a propeller beanie, and a bag of chips, and– I heard you say that. Who has them? SAM: I think it’s Molly and Fjord. TALIESIN: I don’t have any. ASHLEY: I have a tinderbox. TALIESIN: No, I don’t have any. MATT: Amongst you, you have two of those. Whoever has them, you’re fine. LIAM: We’re pretty sure we have them, guys. MARISHA: Light the damn sticks of dynamite! Just do it! LAURA: Oh man, wait, but– Oh, okay. MARISHA: What? LAURA: I wanted to check out those bodies that were downstairs. TALIESIN: We did. LAURA: No, the human skeletons that were down. SAM: They were probably smugglers that were keeping the safe house for the Gentleman. TALIESIN: We did check them. LAURA: They had manacles on them, though, didn’t they? That means they were slaves or something. SAM: Or taken prisoner. TALIESIN: There’s lots you can do with manacles. TRAVIS: Okay, all right. MATT: What are you guys doing? LAURA: Blowing up a cave, I guess. TRAVIS: Climbing the rope back up top, to the base of the tree. MATT: You guys get up, you all get ready to go. You gather your things. (lighting dynamite) Watch it sparking. It disappears, you begin to leave. As you guys are all walking out of the storehouse, from behind you, off to the left, there’s a dull sound, and some dirt and water from the left side of the tree in the middle of the hot afternoon (muffled impact). The still water that currently exists around begins to slowly drain as a part of the swamp off to the side sinks down about ten feet or so. The water level drops a solid foot, but it comes to rest. You’re sure that whatever structure that remained down there before is now filled with dirt, sludge, swamp water, and rock. LIAM: I hope we brought Kiri with us. MATT: Kiri is with you. SAM: Oh my god! TRAVIS: “Why would they do that?!” ASHLEY: Can I take down the bodies that are on the trees? MATT: Okay. Is anybody helping you with that? LAURA: Yeah, I’ll help. LIAM: Nope. ASHLEY: Leave them to rest in peace. MATT: Jester and Yasha start taking down the bloated bodies. LAURA: Why are we doing this? ASHLEY: So that people know that we took care of it. So it’s not a danger anymore. TALIESIN: And to rifle through their pockets, I imagine. MATT, SAM and LAURA: We already did. SAM: We’re the worst people ever. MATT: What are you doing with the bodies? Are you leaving them in the swamp to fester? LAURA: Should we put them in the water or something? ASHLEY: Yeah, food. It’s the circle of life. MATT: (singing) Circle of– You take them and pull them off-site, and leave them in a pile to become one with the swamp over time. It’s pretty gross work. TALIESIN: You want swamp things? This is how you get swamp things. MARISHA: While they bury bodies, I pull Caleb aside, and say: hey, can I talk to you for five seconds? Ten, maybe, tops. 15. Okay, it might be more like 20 seconds. Will you give me 20 seconds? Over here? No, you know what, it’s fine. I can say it in front of everybody. I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize for last night. I got a little aggressive, a little handsy. I shouldn’t have done that, I was out of line, and I shouldn’t have brought up your past shit. Sorry. See, 20 seconds, that was about right? That was good? TRAVIS: (whispers) Genuine. MARISHA: I’m– He’s just staring at me. LAURA: Caleb! Here’s where you respond to her. MARISHA: You saw the worst side of me– LIAM: I give Beauregard a hug, and say: I don’t know what I’m doing. Just go with it. MARISHA: I look at Fjord over my shoulder. LIAM: I look to Yasha. MARISHA: I hug him back? Do I go like this? TRAVIS: Not too tight. ASHLEY: Pat, pat. SAM: This makes me feel awkward. LAURA: It’s so uncomfortable. (applause) SAM: That was really good, guys! MATT: (like Nott) “Welcome to the Mighty Nein!” (laughter) LIAM: Caleb doesn’t laugh like that at all. (awkward laughing) That’s not necessary. SAM: Yes it is, she was really rude to you and– LIAM: Not. Necessary. Working on it. TRAVIS: Nice job. MARISHA: Was it? I don’t know how I feel about that. Good talk, friend. Seriously though, friend? LIAM: Ja okay. MARISHA: Ja? How do you say it? TRAVIS: (coughing) Quit while you’re ahead. MARISHA: All right. And I walk away. TALIESIN: Been a while. ASHLEY: It was good. LAURA: Hey Caleb, do you know how to find our way out of this swamp? SAM: Find our way out? LIAM: Of course I do. LAURA: Yeah, aren’t we done here? TALIESIN: We’re done, we’re heading out. SAM: I think we have (cocks crossbow) a troll to find. TRAVIS: Drunk-ass fucking Nott, dwelling on old shit. LIAM: You made Babs Tarr hide her head in her laptop, man! SAM: Or we could just leave. ASHLEY: I mean, that is 100 gold. LAURA: Yeah, but he almost killed us like super easy. TRAVIS: He bleeds death and stuff. We’d have to hit him from afar. It might not be worth it. LIAM: Well, my friends, whatever we do, we are really fucked up. At least Beauregard and I are really fucked up. LAURA: Well, I have a couple of level ones left. Blam blam! SAM: Did you just Salt Bae them? MATT: That is now my new favorite– LAURA: That’s great! You both heal 12 points! MARISHA: Oh my goodness! I’m almost up to full now! MATT: I think Salt Bae cleric is my new favorite idea for a character. ASHLEY: Was that for everyone? LAURA: No, that was just for them. I’m sorry, Yasha. ASHLEY: No, it’s fine. TALIESIN: That was a great roll. LIAM: Shit, let’s go find Vecna! MATT: As you guys gather your things and begin to trudge southward, back into the Labenda Swamp to make your way back to the city of Barleben, a bit wounded, but you’ve succeeded in your first task for the Gentleman, you begin to make your way through the reverse guidance of Caleb in the direction you were traveling. Backward guidance, we’ll put it that way. LIAM: Reverse math. We came from that direction precisely. MATT: As you’re all taking a moment to look through, keeping your eyes peeled, weapons drawn, Fjord, your eyes catch the summoned falchion in your hand, and there, glittering in the center of the hilt, where there was none previously, is a single yellow eye. And that’s where we’re going to end tonight’s episode. (cheering) SAM: Wait, where was it? MATT: On the hilt of the blade. LIAM: Oh, that’s a Final Fantasy VII Materia rogue. MATT: That’s Materia slot? LAURA: His sword keeps getting cooler and cooler. MARISHA: It does. MATT: It’s like it’s the basis of his class. LIAM: Bling it out, man. Bling that shit out. MATT: All right. We’re going to pick up on that next Thursday, as you guys return. Oh man, shit’s getting interesting and weird. Thank you for hanging with us. Hope you guys enjoyed it as much as we did. Thank you, Babs, for being awesome and hanging out with us tonight. That was awesome. Have a wonderful week, we’ll see you guys next Thursday, we love you, and is it Thursday yet? [music] MATT: Welcome to tonight’s episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons. (cheering) MATT: Before we get into the chaos of tonight’s game, we have some announcements to get through. First, beginning with our fantastic sponsor of campaign two, up to this point and going forward for hopefully infinity, D&D Beyond. Sam, if you want to take it away. SAM: I will indeed. Guys, D&D Beyond will be streaming tomorrow, June 15th, live from Origins Game F– Uh-oh. I’ve forgotten something in my car. Laura, take over. LAURA: Ugh, no, what is he doing to me? –from Origins Game Fair! Check out twitch.tv/DnDBeyond– N, not &– starting at 12:00 pm Eastern time, to catch interviews, the monthly D&D Beyon– What? SAM: Buenos noches, I am the masked vigilante named Storro. I fight injustice and defend the innocent in order to send them to the D&D Beyond Store-o. TRAVIS: Oh, no. SAM: Mine is a dangerous cause, filled with scary monsters, vile beasts, devilish devils. All of them can be found in the various Monster Manuals at the D&D Beyond Store-o. Aha! What is this?! It is a generic tablet device, displaying a handsome array of content and inventory to streamline your tabletop gameplay. Why, this can only be the infamous handiwork of D&D Beyond. With my blade, I cut down on prep time, I slice my physical book collection in half, I slay the enemies of book management? For I am (click click click) Storro! And I will never stop fighting until our D&D Beyond contract expires! And then I will stop fighting! Hyah! TRAVIS: Who was that masked man? SAM: Oh boy, guys! What did– TRAVIS: Did you find what you needed in your car, Sam? SAM: Yeah, you know what? It was right here, it was this thing. Check out twitch.tv/DnDBeyond starting at 12:00 pm Eastern time to catch interviews, the monthly D&D Beyond dev update, Q&A, and a live play session with exclusive reveals from Dwarven Forge’s upcoming KS6. I don’t know what that is! MATT: Their sixth Kickstarter. LAURA: Oh! You didn’t plan a commercial at all this time. SAM: I didn’t plan any commercial today, it was just– TRAVIS: There was a guy that– you know what? It’s not important. Great job. MATT: Well done, buddy. MARISHA: It feels like the longest walk yet. (laughter) SAM: You know the thing when you find a mask at home and you’re like, “I can do a bit with this!” That’s the whole thing. MATT: Thank you, Sam. And thank you, D&D Beyond. Storro lives on in our hearts. Hopefully only in our hearts. A few other updates. One: we have the standard editions of Vox Machina Origins are still available at Geek & Sundry and the Alpha online shops. The special editions are gone. So you can find details at critrole.com. Talks Machina is our after-show every Tuesday, and this episode’s episode will be next Tuesday at 7:00 pm Pacific time, where a number of members of our cast will be talking with our fantastic Cabbage Master, Brian W. Foster, to discuss the events of tonight’s evening’s episode. We’ll have giveaway prizes for Gif and Fanart of the Week. Make sure that you submit them to submit@talksmachina.com. Currently only U.S and Canada, excluding Quebec, are eligible to enter and win because of dumb rules. Also a reminder that Twitch Prime allows you, if you have your Amazon Prime account, to attach with your Twitch account to subscribe to a channel for free on Twitch once a month. If you can, do so. It’s free. And that is it, and that’s all; short announcements tonight. SAM: Wait. EVERYONE: Wait. LIAM: Wait, there’s one more. I have a thing. This is not an announcement. One of the artists in our community, Jason deBit, who’s been with us since the very beginning– old-school Critter, has made great art, he’s made art on his son’s sandwich bags for years, and he made a lot of Critical Role art, too. He contacted me a couple of weeks ago and said something’s coming, be on the lookout for it. He gave me a vague idea of what it was and didn’t prepare me for what I’m about to show you guys. It’s cabbage. So this is another example of how unbelievable the people in our audience are. So Jason had an idea in 2016 to take a sketchbook and mail it around to other artists in the community. This book and this box, because it’s covered in notes, I’ll let you guys look later, but this book has been traveling the planet since 2016. Instantly started crying looking at this book. The rules, “When you finish with this book, email Jason, yadda yadda, if you use a medium that bleeds– “Decorate it, send it on to the next person.” It’s been traveling. The very first one, I’ll find some– Kat Winslade has done art for ages. I can’t. I just can’t. MARISHA: Oh! It’s Darragh! LIAM: Yeah, Mikandii, Ameera, just a couple. Lloyd. I’m not going to do everyone justice, and I’m going to take pictures of this. Every single picture in here. I opened this up for the first time an hour before the show and was openly weeping, like Liam O'Brien is wont to do. Charlotte. There’s one more that I want to find that I really like. That one’s really good too. I’ll take pictures of all of them, but I can’t tell you how much this meant to me and obviously to all them seeing it for the first time. Thank you. We have the best audience on planet Earth, bar none. Legitimately, thank you. Really, really, thank you. I’m looking at the wrong camera. Amazing. TRAVIS: It doesn’t matter, that’s incredible. Wow. LIAM: We’ll pass it around. Everyone will see it. The audience will all see it. Thank you. MATT: There will be tears at break. LIAM: (fake crying) Okay, we’d better start the game! MATT: Thank you guys so much, oh my god. No, we’re good. And on that note, let’s bring us into tonight’s episode of Critical Role. [click, TV static] [groovy Critical Role theme] MATT: Welcome back, everyone. Last we left off, The Mighty Nein had been traversing northward towards the Labenda Swamp, to make good on the first of two jobs they had accepted from The Gentleman back in Zadash. Upon traveling northward, you made a young feathered friend by the name of Kiri, who’s been under your protection since. You briefly met Cali, who is a dragon-blooded sorcerer who joined you for a length of the journey. You managed to discover where the seemingly cut-off and abandoned safe house was. Beneath it, discovered what had been responsible for it going silent, by an underground tunnel network run by swamp merrow. You engaged with them, found a strange altar room where they had amassed everything they had stolen from the safe house, slaughtered the present shallow priest and his protectors, took what was necessary and what was of interest from that pile, including an interesting orb, made your way back out, closed the pathway the merrow had to the safe house, thus establishing its true safety once more, and completing the job of which you were tasked. There, you spent an evening resting, and began heading back out to return from the northern center of Labenda Swamp towards the town of Berleben, and to where the next leg of your journey takes you. Mighty Nein, as you begin heading southward into the daytime of the thick, heavy swamp, what would you like to do? TRAVIS: I forget, are we returning back to report in between missions, or are we doing a twofer? LAURA: I can send a message to the Gentleman, so we don’t have to go back. SAM: How can you do that? He’s terribly far away. LAURA: I keep wanting to use this spell that I have, but I haven’t been able to do it yet. TRAVIS: What spell’s that? LAURA: It’s called Sending. TRAVIS: Sending? LAURA: Yeah, I can send a message. LIAM: That is a literal description. TRAVIS: I guess that would cover it, then. LAURA: But it’s one of my most powerful spells, you guys, so if we’re going to fight somebody, I don’t know if it’s smart. ASHLEY: Do you send an actual message, or is it a piece of paper? LAURA: It’s like a piece of paper of the mind. ASHLEY: Ooh. TRAVIS: You lost me a little. LAURA: Do you want me to do it? SAM: Shouldn’t we get out of the swamp first? What if there are scaries around? TRAVIS: What time is it about, in the sky parts? MATT: If I recall, you guys had taken a long rest after your previous battle, so now it’s mid-morning, I’d say. TRAVIS: Jester, maybe not just yet. Maybe before we go to sleep. LAURA: At the end of the day? TALIESIN: Well, like so many good things, we can do it back when we get to the hotel. LAURA: Okay. Do we want to go find that troll guy? ASHLEY: To get that 100 gold back? MARISHA: I did almost die, which was pretty awesome. TRAVIS: And remember, he bleeds damaging liquids. LAURA: So we stay far away this time. MARISHA: Do we have any more boom-boom sticks? SAM: I think we have one. We can go blow up his house. That seems petty. TRAVIS: Or something that we would totally do. MARISHA: He almost killed me and definitely killed our guide. SAM: Yeah, we should blow up his house. TRAVIS: I’m down for that. MARISHA: Sounds fun. TRAVIS: Two votes. Three votes. Four, five votes. LIAM: I defer to the group. TRAVIS: Are you abstaining? LIAM: No. Okay, let’s go. I do not have a cat in this hunt, but whatever you want to do, I will support. ASHLEY: Throw it in and see how it goes, and then we can run if he’s– How do we know if he’s in there, though? TALIESIN: You can sneak up, take a look, rob it, and then throw a stick of dynamite in just because, if we’re going to be those people. What happens if he’s actually there? MARISHA: Wait, what do you mean by “those people”? Do you know a lot of people who throw dynamite in houses? TALIESIN: Yeah. I feel like that’s pretty obvious, at this point. TRAVIS: I feel like I knew that about you. TALIESIN: I just like having a game plan. TRAVIS: Sure. Maybe we have Nott bolt in, right, everybody else stand back, because you’re super fast, right? SAM: Yeah, I guess. TRAVIS: Very dextrous? SAM: Sure. TRAVIS: Yeah, then you run in and toss that sucker. If he pops out, we light it up from afar. SAM: So I’m going to be carrying an explosive device into a troll’s house, solo? LAURA: No, you just throw it in the door. You don’t have to walk in. SAM: Just to play troll’s advocate here, what if it’s not his house? LAURA: I know. That’s the thing, right? SAM: What if we’re blowing up an innocent troll’s house? TALIESIN: Then we should rob it first. LAURA: We’ll send Frumpkin in first. TALIESIN: There’ll be a body curing, if it is his house. We’ll know, because there’ll be a body curing and getting nice and ripe. LIAM: We also had no qualms about sending a highly decorated richter to the guillotine, so I don’t know why we are getting tied up over a troll. TALIESIN: I feel that as well. MARISHA: He definitely has 100 gold on him. Just saying. Possibly so much more. SAM: Let’s go check it out. LAURA: It’s on the way back, anyway. TALIESIN: We’ll give you the dynamite, and if anything seems like it goes wrong, you can immediately signal Caleb, and we’ll bring the cavalry in. SAM: Okay. TRAVIS: Caleb, you got that photographic memory. You remember where those damn daggers are in the trees? LIAM: I remember the way. This way. MATT: What is your marching order, if I could ask? LIAM: Oh boy. I am right behind whoever’s in the lead. MATT: All righty. Who’s in the lead, guys? TALIESIN and LAURA: Fjord. ASHLEY: I’ll go behind Caleb. TALIESIN: I’ll go behind Yasha. LAURA: I’ll go next to Molly. MARISHA: I’ll take up the rear. MATT: All right. Nott? SAM: 30 feet to the right. MATT: And Kiri will stay with Jester. LAURA: Yeah, she can ride on my shoulders again. MATT: And Frumpkin? LIAM: Frumpkin is scarfing it on my shoulders. MATT: Got it. Fjord, does that mean you’re leading through? Who’s responsible for navigating? LIAM: I’m a couple steps behind Fjord, saying “that way” once in a while. MATT: Make a survival check, please. TRAVIS: I’m glad that’s you. TALIESIN: That’s not bad. LIAM: That is a 15. MATT: Very good! MARISHA: You get a gold star, very good! MATT: You follow the pearl-handled daggers along the treeline until eventually, you break southward to the northern side of the Ounterloch. You continue to follow it southwestward from your current position, curving around the outside of the lake. Eventually, you make your way back to the treeline where you were before. At one point, there’s a faint shift in the greenery– looks like a vine maybe has moved– and you, recognizing the placement of it, manage to stop Fjord from stepping into it. As you pull him back, you guys watch as there is now a cluster of vines at the base of one of these trees, and what looks like thorns on them, appear to be jagged and in rows– LAURA: Is it a trap? Or is it organic? MATT: You don’t know. LIAM: I’m sorry, DM, could you say that again because I was busy rubbing it into Travis that Caleb is stronger than Fjord. SAM: Vines. MATT: You saw a patch of vines that were tangled at the base of one of these trees that you managed to stop Fjord before stepping into the area. TALIESIN: Do we recognize these vines and what kind of plant this is? MATT: Make a nature check. TALIESIN: We’ll see how this goes. No. MARISHA: Can I do a scan and look around? LAURA: Nott, it could be a trap, come look and see if it’s a trap. SAM: Okay, I’m coming. MARISHA: Can I do a scan and see if I see anybody responsible for making the vines move? MATT: Make a perception check. TRAVIS: Wow. MARISHA: Yeah, man, it’s pretty bad. Eight. Nope, ten. Still getting used to my stats. MATT: You don’t see anybody responsible for that. SAM: I will visually inspect it for traps. MATT: All right, make an investigation check. SAM: Nope! LIAM: We want the numbers, though. SAM: Eight. MATT: Does not appear to be trapped. There are no other cables or lines, you don’t see any signs of anything else either holding any tautness to it. They seem slack. LAURA: Can I follow the vines along and see where they’re coming from? MATT: As you look at them, they’re just centered there at the base. They either might be coming out from under the tree or part of a plant network right there. TALIESIN: I’ve got a weird idea. SAM: Let’s walk around them. TALIESIN: Everybody back up a bit. I’m going to take a little bit of my jerky, I’m going to wrap it around a ball bearing, make a little baseball out of it. I’m going to chuck it right into the middle of the vines. MARISHA: What, no! It’s good jerky! LAURA: Yeah! Do it! MATT: As soon as you hear Beau’s words, “It’s good jerky!”, you watch as the vines suddenly wrap around where it was and begin to coalesce and twist around it. You watch as they tighten and tear and hold there. TALIESIN: I love camping. LIAM: Feed me! MATT: Then they begin to slowly shift in your direction. The vines– (moving noises) TRAVIS: Back up! LAURA: Oh, no, it’s one of those things again, just go around it! MARISHA: Let’s just run! We’re just going to go. MATT: It’s not very quick. You watch as this poor cluster of jagged vines, different than the man-trap you’d encountered before, slowly circle around and eventually give up after you guys very easily make your distance. LAURA: I throw little bits of moldy pastries at it because I feel sorry for it. MARISHA: Aww, feeding the plants. TRAVIS: And it throws it back. MATT: Doesn’t seem to have much interest in them, unfortunately. LAURA: Well, it’s still really good. ASHLEY: It’ll get hungry. Maybe later. MATT: Pressing on, you’re heading back to Berleben, or are you searching for this hollow you found before? LIAM: I was leading everyone back to where this troll was. MATT: Make another survival check for me, please. LIAM: I know exactly the direction of north, and I remember where we were, that is a nine. LAURA: You know we’re going to get lost in this swamp forever. LIAM: But I have perfect memory. MATT: You have firm memory of directions. You know which direction you’re traveling, and you have– LIAM: But it all looks the same. MATT: Yeah. You don’t have the ability to suddenly know where everything is that you’ve been. You have a good sense of it, and you can guide better than most, given most circumstances. But you also have not grown up in a swamp, and after a while, the pattern recognition begins to fade a bit and you discover, after you’ve been circling for a bit, stumbling upon your own footfalls, you’ve lost about two hours of travel in the middle of the swamp. LAURA and ASHLEY: Oh, no! LIAM: It looks just the way I remembered it though. LAURA: Maybe we circled around for two hours the first time and we just didn’t realize it. TALIESIN: That’s entirely possible. MATT: Knowing that, you do take knowledge of the current source of sunlight above the canopy. Following that, heading in the western direction from where you were, eventually you come across that similar sound: distant chimes. SAM: What was that? LAURA: Those were the bone chimes! SAM: Oh no! That’s scarier than wind chimes. LAURA: Should we be stealthy? TRAVIS: Yeah, we should be stealthy. LAURA: Should I cast Pass Without a Trace on us? LIAM and SAM: Yes. SAM: Is that all of us? LAURA: Yeah. Stay within 30 feet of me, okay? TRAVIS: Big times are coming, Nott. SAM: I don’t want to, don’t make me go in there. It’s a troll house. LAURA: Nott! SAM: What? LAURA: Bless you. Now you have advantage on stealth checks. SAM: Okay. MATT: So are you all staying back? LAURA: Yeah. MATT: How far back are you staying? MARISHA: Should we do a circle, surround the perimeter, just in case? LAURA: Let’s do a semicircle around where the door is. MATT: Here, this will make it easy to establish the scenario. SAM: He’s got a map. TALIESIN: We remember what not to do, right, which is– SAM: No, what? LAURA: Don’t attack him up close. Don’t let him get close to us. TRAVIS: Yeah guys, distance is key. MATT: There is the hollow, with the central tree there. TRAVIS: And we’re coming from? MATT: You guys are coming this direction, so north would be that direction. You guys are heading this way. Where would you guys like to be placed? SAM: Semicircle right there? LAURA: Yeah. LIAM: I would like to be on the absolute side of the semicircle, please. LAURA: Is this rough terrain, is this swampy or is this normal ground? MATT: It’s normal ground where it’s green and then rough terrain where it’s water. LAURA: Okay. Oh, that’s– Oh no. MATT: Kiri has her dagger out and is currently– LAURA: Oh no! Kiri, stay behind this tree next to me. MATT: There? LAURA: No, behind it. Yeah. MARISHA: Hiding in that tree. ASHLEY: I feel a little exposed. SAM: Nott’s over there. MATT: There you go. As you’re preparing yourself, Kiri looks over to you with a big smile with the dagger out and goes (as Jester), “I don’t know if it’s smart.” SAM: Kiri, I don’t either. Give me the boomstick. LAURA: Who has the boomstick? TRAVIS: You do now. SAM: I have the boomstick. LAURA: Okay, be stealthy. You have advantage. SAM: What am I doing? I’m going to see if this is the troll’s place. LAURA: You’re going to see if the troll is inside– TALIESIN: You’re going to take everything that you can grab in there. ASHLEY: Frumpkin’s not going in? TRAVIS: It’s an unnecessary step. Just blow that thing up, man! LAURA: What if the troll’s not in there, though? TRAVIS: Then you blow it up anyway! LAURA: Then we can go steal stuff. MARISHA: Do we go steal stuff and bounce? TALIESIN: And then blow it up and run. ASHLEY: Yeah. LAURA: So find out if he’s in there. SAM: All right. MARISHA: Wait, is Frumpkin dead? Not to be insensitive. LIAM: You just touched his tail. MARISHA: Oh, hey buddy. Sorry. LAURA: Maybe he should go in there. MARISHA: Yeah, maybe we send Frumpkin first. SAM: But Frumpkin’s not as– I mean, yes, that would be great. But Frumpkin’s not as stealthy as I am. TRAVIS: If you want, I can go. LIAM: You cast Pass without a Trace on all of us. LAURA: Yeah. SAM: I’m okay. TALIESIN: But it’s only up to 30 feet away from her. LAURA: That’s true. SAM: I have advantage, though. LAURA: Okay, go in there, Nott. Do it. SAM: I’m going to run up, stealthily. MATT: Roll your stealth with advantage, Nott, as you come up along the side. LIAM: Plus ten. SAM and MATT: It’s not plus ten. LIAM: I thought that– LAURA: It has to be within 30 feet. SAM: 22. MATT: All right. LAURA: So Caleb, you’ve got plus ten right now. MATT: As quietly as you can, you turn around the corner, walk this little swampy land bridge, dipping down to about your waist in swamp water, but in a very slow, steady path, begin to emerge, your foot finding the roots at the base of this large, now hollowed tree. You turn around the corner– SAM: I’m wearing my Ring of Waterwalking, by the way. MATT: That’s true, you do actually. So you (tip tap) across it. The softest ninja run you’ve ever seen. You can almost hear Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies as you go. Glancing inside, you do see currently in the process of chewing something. You hear a crunching sound, and then a slurping sound, and then some subtle (eating noises). TRAVIS: Smoke that for me! SAM: I will stealthily back away so there’s no way he can see me. To the side, and I will– LAURA: Wait, can we all hold our attacks for as soon as the troll comes out of the tree? MATT: Do you want to hold actions when it comes to it? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: Sure. TRAVIS: I’ll hold Eldritch Blast until he’s visible. LIAM: I will hold Fire Bolt. MARISHA: I’ll hold a throwing star. MATT: Essentially it would be a surprise round, so you wouldn’t have to worry about holding necessarily. LAURA: Okay. MATT: He doesn’t seem to know you’re there. SAM: Am I able to light the boom-boom stick? MATT: Do you have flint and steel in your equipment? SAM: I’m looking. (laughter) TRAVIS: Did we send him out there without matches? ASHLEY: Great idea. SAM: I have thieves’ tools? And I have acid. LAURA: Well, sneak back here! LIAM: I pull out the wire and say, “What are you doing? Throw it in!” SAM: I don’t have a match! LIAM: Oh. I could light it from here if you just toss it down and dive. SAM: What? ASHLEY: I have… I probably can’t hear you guys. MARISHA: Like, you throw a Fireball and make it go? SAM: I’m going to come back! MARISHA: Oh my God! MATT: Nott scoots back around the corner. As you guys are all waiting patiently, TRAVIS: How’s it look? SAM: It’s definitely the troll. I just need someone to light this for me. Or give me a match. Or something, or light something on fire. LAURA: Just use your thing! Don’t you have, like, Burning Hands or something? LIAM: It’s hard to control. LAURA: Just light a finger on fire and just touch the thing. ASHLEY: I have a tinderbox. SAM: Oh, great! Great! TRAVIS: But is it a long wick? MARISHA and LAURA: Yeah. MATT: It’s about that long. TRAVIS: Oh, geez! MATT: Make an intelligence check, actually. LAURA: You could run and do it. SAM: Intelligence? Eight plus something. LAURA: Oh, that’s good. SAM: Intelligence check. 11? MATT: 11? You have some understanding of basic alchemy; you know probably the way this is treated it won’t burn super fast. You’re not sure. You could have anywhere between 24 to six seconds once lit. TRAVIS: This is such a drunk Fourth of July problem. TALIESIN: You have full running speed, though. TRAVIS: Jester! LAURA: What? TRAVIS: Go with him! LAURA: Why? TRAVIS: You’ve got Pass Without Trace, just go with him! LAURA: Why do you want me to die? MARISHA: It’ll look really cool when you’re running away from it, though, when it’s exploding. LAURA: You’re right, it will! Okay, I’m gonna follow 30 feet behind Nott as we’re going up. (laughter) SAM: Okay, I’m going to cast Mage Hand to hold the dynamite. TRAVIS: Okay, good. SAM: Okay, so Mage Hand is holding the dynamite. Go ahead and light it, Yasha. MATT: Wait, so where are you, then? SAM: I am near Yasha. MATT: Okay, so you move over. TALIESIN: I’m going to get behind that tree and activate my swords. LAURA: I’m going to get within 30 feet of Nott. MATT: Both swords ignited. TALIESIN: Oh, dear. LAURA: And I’m within 30 feet of Nott. MATT: So you move over here with Yasha, then? LAURA: Sure, I guess? MATT: Okay, there’s now this floating piece of dynamite just kind of gliding over the swamp. You hear the insects buzzing and various dragonflies making their way through. So you have it now floating in front of you, Yasha. ASHLEY: Okay, I’ll light it. MATT: It’s going! SAM: Okay! I’m going to move toward the thing and make Mage Hand go in front of me all the way into the hole. MATT: Okay. You get right around this corner. Make another stealth check as you’ve now dilly-dallied around for a bit. LAURA: Oh, that’s good, you still have advantage. SAM: Okay. 25. MATT: Okay. MARISHA: And you’re within 30 feet, right? LAURA: Oh! And plus ten! SAM: 35! MATT: No idea you’re there. But there is a faint (hissing) sound and from the inside you see the shifting movement of the large hulking troll beast on the inside of the hollow kind of pause for a second in the middle of chewing. SAM: The mage hand is going in! MATT: Silence. LAURA: But I– SAM: What did you do? (massive explosion) MATT: If I could get a pair of scissors, please. SAM: What? You’re going to cut your beautiful work? MATT: Well yeah, you blew it apart! (laughter, cheering) MATT: Thank you kindly. TRAVIS: Look, it’s got roots and all sorts of beautiful things. LIAM: “If I could get a pair of scissors, please?” SAM: Should we start bringing cherry bombs? LAURA: Attack, attack, attack! MATT: Okay, so first off– MARISHA: That was the coolest! MATT: Disadvantage on its dexterity saving throw; fails. Go ahead and roll 2d6 for me please. SAM: Me? Okay. LAURA: That’s only 2d6 of damage? Oh no! SAM: Double ones. (laughter) LIAM: Ooh, that’s some stale dynamite. TALIESIN: That was a bottle rocket. MATT: A concussive blast blows apart the hollow. You see pieces of shrapnel go flying in every direction. The only one who is not currently protected is you, Nott. I need you to make a dexterity saving throw, please. SAM: On my own blast? MATT: Well, not from the blast. This is from the shrapnel of the tree hollow that has exploded outwards in all directions. TRAVIS: I’m unprotected. MATT: You’re far enough away where I don’t think it would get to you. SAM: 11. MATT: That’s okay. You take half damage. LAURA: If you take so much more– MATT: You take three points of bludgeoning damage from pieces of wood flying in your direction. The troll is, however, knocked prone. (cheering) TALIESIN: He’s harder to hit from a distance, at the moment. MATT: From a distance, yeah. However, I need everyone to roll initiative. SAM: We did this to ourselves. LIAM: Yes! Natural 20! MATT: He’s aware that you guys are there now. MARISHA: You think? MATT: We’ll say, for the purposes of this, I’ll give you each one action to do something. LAURA: Okay. SAM: Not me, I did my action. LIAM: I like that the blast didn’t knock him down. He was just so scared to death. He went, “Ah!” MATT: 25 to 20? LIAM: 21. SAM: 20. MATT: A natural 20 on his– Sorry, Caleb was? LIAM: 21. MATT: And Nott, was it? SAM: 20. Where’s that music, Matt? TRAVIS: I just want to know yours first all the time. ASHLEY: What? TRAVIS: I want to know what you rolled. ASHLEY: Mine is like, two! MATT: 20 to 15? TALIESIN: 19. TRAVIS: Oh, man. MATT: 15 to ten? MARISHA: 14. TRAVIS: There you go, come on. ASHLEY: 12. Moving on up! MATT: Ten to five? LAURA: Seven. MATT: What you got, Fjord? TRAVIS: Fjord got a four. SAM: A fjour. MARISHA: A fjour by Fjord. MATT: I think this is a surprise round. The troll cannot act this turn. We’ll just let it go that way, because he’d be going up with you, Caleb, on the same turn. He’s on the ground, dazed and stunned. What are you doing? LIAM: A Firebolt goes from my hand. That is a natural 20. TRAVIS: Yeah, come on now! LIAM: With my Vax die, we will use this one. That is a three– 11. Doubled is 22. MATT: 22 points of fire damage. Nice. The bolt impacts, the flame curls across his now currently black, blasted chest and back area. The flames, as you noticed in a previous battle, has prevented its regeneration. LIAM: I didn’t actually even want to come here. Ah! ASHLEY: He can regenerate? LAURA: He can’t; he’s burned. MARISHA: They do normally, though. TRAVIS: Fire! MATT: From the battles you’ve had and from watching the previous strike, you now notice the impact, and as the time progresses over the next round, the wounds are not knitting themselves back together. So, that finishes your turn. Are you going to move? LIAM: No. I’ll stay where I am. MATT: Finishing Caleb’s go. Nott, you’re up. SAM: Okay, I’ll shoot my crossbow and miss, with a nine. MATT: You have disadvantage because he’s currently prone. SAM: Disadvantage? I already missed. MATT: I just wanted to see if you rolled lower. SAM: Still nine. MATT: Good to know. First shot misses. SAM: Oh, I get another one? MATT: I’m letting you guys have a full surprise round, because technically he’s dazed. SAM: Oh, that’s no good. 13? MATT: 13 does not hit. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: It manages to ricochet off of the outer parts of its hide. Even though it’s burnt and scarred, it’s still thick. You watch as the bolt reflects off it. Molly, you’re up and then Beau. TALIESIN: I’m going to come out from behind my tree right there, just a little bit so I can see him. I’m going to try and Enthrall him, because I don’t have any good stuff that I can do from a distance. LAURA and TALIESIN: (singing) From a distance! MATT: Spell DC on that is charisma-based, so it’s a ten, correct? TALIESIN: Is it charisma-based? That’s right. MATT: All of your racial abilities are charisma-based. TALIESIN: Because it says wisdom I get so– MATT: That is a 12, so it does not succeed. TALIESIN: It does not succeed? MATT: No, sorry, I mean– TALIESIN: It does succeed. MATT: Meaning your ability does not succeed. That’s your action. You still have 25 feet of movement if you want do anything. TALIESIN: I’m actually going to sort of stand out in the– I’m going to move a couple feet out– there. And just start yelling at him: Hey– hey you fucker, you got– We got more than that! Where we– Come on! Bring it! I don’t know what I’m doing! Too much caffeine! MATT: Perfect. TRAVIS: The wires crossed! TALIESIN: That all happened in there. That all happened. MATT: That finishes Molly’s turn. Beau, you’re up. TALIESIN: Good thing nobody in the world saw that. MARISHA: I’m going to move up my speed pretty far, because I think I have to be within 20 feet for these darts. MATT: Keeping on the green, you can get about there, and he is within 20 feet of you. LAURA: Can you not get within close range of him again? MARISHA: I’m not! TRAVIS: You are just inching up. MARISHA: I have throwing darts that only go 20 feet, and I’m a melee fighter, man! TRAVIS: He stole you last time. You should have PTSD from this. MARISHA: Have you met Beau? TRAVIS: You’re right. MATT: You have disadvantage on the attacks, because he’s prone. MARISHA: Oh right, okay. First attack. 19. MATT: 19 hits! MARISHA: On the first one. We celebrated too soon. A natural 20 and a seven! So 14. MATT: 14 misses, unfortunately, but the first strike does hit. LIAM: Get up there and grapple him, and I’ll send projectiles. MARISHA: That sucks. Four damage. MATT: Four points of damage to the troll. MARISHA: I’m going to spend a ki point– MATT: As you throw it, you watch as it splinters off of its body and there is a splash of poisonous toxin. MARISHA: Like a rock in his face! TRAVIS: Yep, like a pebble. MARISHA: Like a pebble! I’m going to use a ki point to do Patient Defense. MATT: All right, you go into your defensive stance, preparing for any sort of assault towards you. Yasha, you’re up. MARISHA: Did I go my full speed? MATT: No, you didn’t. MARISHA: Can I move back a little? MATT: If you want to, yeah. MARISHA: One more, that’s good. MATT: All right, there you go. Yasha. ASHLEY: I don’t want to move close to it. May I hold my action until it gets– LAURA: This is a surprise attack, though. ASHLEY: I know it’s a surprise attack, I just don’t have any ranged weapons or anything. I can go up and hit him. MATT: It’s up to you. If you don’t move, you don’t get to move later until your next turn. So if you’re going to move, do it now, and then hold your action for whatever trigger you want. ASHLEY: Okay, let me move around by Beau. MATT: Over here? ASHLEY: Yeah, next to Beau. MATT: And you’re holding an attack? ASHLEY: I’m holding an attack. MATT: Okay, you are readying an attack, for what? What’s the trigger? Comes within range? Got it. Okay, that finishes Yasha’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: That’s me! I’m going to cast Spiritual Weapon right above it! MATT: Right above it! LAURA: And it’s going to hit him! MATT: All right, roll for your attack. LAURA: It’s not at disadvantage, because it’s melee, right? MATT: Correct. Technically it’s at advantage, because it is prone. I imagine it’s considered a melee attack. TALIESIN and LAURA: Ooh! LAURA: 19 plus something, so that definitely hits. MATT: That definitely hits, roll damage on that. LAURA: That’s 1d8, because I did it wrong before. That’s five plus seven. MATT: 12 points of damage as the lollipop (whack) slams down onto its body. It rears back. This awkward, sickly looking creature being bashed by beautiful, glistening, divine lollipop. It’s a unique visual. LAURA: Eat it, troll! Then I am going to use my bonus action to ring a spiritual bell and Toll the Dead! MATT: You mean you used your bonus action for the Spirit, and your action for the– LAURA: Yes, that’s what I mean! He’s got to make a wisdom save of 15. MATT: Wisdom or constitution? Wisdom, all right. That is a four. LAURA: Yeah! So that’s 2d12! MATT: Yeah it is! TRAVIS: Rock it! LAURA: Ooh! 14! MARISHA: Making up for last week! MATT: Apparently. All righty, that ends Jester’s go. LAURA: I’m going to stay right there. MATT: All righty, Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’ll move forward ten feet, and, with my bonus action, cast Hex on him for strength checks. MATT: All righty, strength checks are denied onto him for disadvantage. TRAVIS: Denied, and I’ll launch two Eldritch Blasts in his direction. MATT: Go for it, both at disadvantage. TRAVIS: That’s a ten on the first; that’s going to miss. MATT: Misses over top. TRAVIS: And 19 to hit. MATT: That does hit, roll damage. TRAVIS: Seven! Seven points of damage! Wait, and a d6. MATT: A d6 from your Hex, don’t forget that. TRAVIS: Another four, total of ten. MATT: 11, technically. ASHLEY: Is he looking rough? LAURA: He’s looking pretty rough. MATT: No, he’s all right. I mean, he looks hurt. Top of the round, Caleb and the troll going at the same time. Because you are going at the same time with the enemy, roll a dexterity check. Roll a d20, add your dexterity modifier. LIAM: It’s pretty high, I reckon. Nope, that is a seven. MATT: He’s going before you. Gets up in its space, that’s half his movement. LAURA: Ooh, he’s so ugly! MATT: (counting) 15. MARISHA: Ha ha ha! LAURA: Don’t laugh yet. MATT: It’s going to use an action to dash forward in front of you. SAM AND LAURA: Oh no! LAURA: Run away. TRAVIS: Oh, we can’t fucking hit him. LAURA: We can’t attack him until you guys move. MATT: You know what? He’s not. He’s going to stay there, and instead he’s going to go ahead and use his venom spray. It lumbers forward, it’s darkened, with angry, blasted soot and flame scars, it rumbles toward you, its strange bulbous midsection wobbling as it steps through the swamp towards you. It looks like an even more swollen Meg Mucklebones from Legend. Reaches up with its claw and tears a giant wound across its chest. As it does, dark green venomous liquid sprays out in a 15-foot cube in front of it, hitting both of you. I need you both to make a constitution saving throw, please. It takes seven points of damage from its own claw. TRAVIS: We had to have 100 gold, didn’t we? MARISHA: Does my Patient Defense do anything here? LAURA: This is not about the gold, Fjord! MARISHA: 16. LAURA: This is a reckoning! ASHLEY: Just a straight roll, yeah? 11. MATT: Okay, you just make it. The DC was 16. TRAVIS: Hah. You’re like, I made it. ASHLEY: I made it. You’re telling me there’s a chance. MATT: That is exactly what you needed. 18 points of poison damage to you, Yasha, and you are poisoned for one minute. SAM and LAURA: Oh no. MATT: You take nine points of poison damage, Beau, and you are not poisoned. TALIESIN: But you can save against that, right? Every turn? MATT: Yep. At the end of each turn, you can repeat the saving throw to try and get rid of the poison, so that’s going to end its turn. Next, Caleb. LIAM: Yeah, okay, so I’m going to keep it simple. I will move as close as I can, probably getting close to Mollymauk. MATT: Right there? LIAM: Ja. I will hit him with some Magic M– No. Is he within splashing range of you all? Did you just get hit? TRAVIS: No, not with blood spray. LIAM: I’ll hit him with Magic Missile. MATT: What level? LIAM: The basic level. MATT: Three missiles. 3d4 plus three, go ahead and roll that up. Nott, you’re up next. LIAM: Three, four, eight. 11 total. MATT: Finishing that, Caleb, your turn’s over. Nott, what are you doing? SAM: I will fire once. Am I at disadvantage or anything? MATT: Nope. SAM: Oh, I still missed. 11. MATT: That does miss, unfortunately. TALIESIN: Are we seeing sprays when he gets hit by these things, by the way? MATT: Each Magic Missile, the spray is still jumping off of its body in these very proximity-based sprays of terrible toxin. So yeah, it’s still happening. SAM: Can I scoot back behind that tree to the west? MATT: Are you only making the one attack? SAM: I’ll make another one when I get over there. MATT: Over here? SAM: Can I go farther around? Just as far around as I can– yeah. MATT: As you’re rushing past. SAM: That one hits. 19 plus something. This is not a sneak attack, though. MATT: Correct. SAM: Well, poo. Six points of damage. MATT: Six points of damage to it. As the bolt sticks in the back, you watch as one of its bulbous pustules sprays venom behind it, impacting nothing in its proximity. LAURA: How far does it look like the pustules spray? MATT: Between five and ten feet, you’re not entirely certain from your visible standpoint, because you’re kneeling behind a tree with partial cover. That finishes Nott’s turn. Molly, you’re up. Then Beau, you’re on deck. TALIESIN: How far can I move in one? MATT: 30 feet. TALIESIN: Okay, I’m going to head in the direction of this creature. I’m going to stay about– Actually, let’s try something ridiculous. You took a lot of damage from that spray, right? MARISHA: Nine. Not as much as Yasha. TALIESIN: This’ll be fun. Let’s run up to it, see how close I can get. MATT: In order to make it with your distance, you’re going to have to leap across that bit of open swamp water. TALIESIN: I’m going to try to leap at that just north of me to see if I can get over here, then. By that spiritual weapon. If I can leap there. MATT: That’ll be the rest of your movement. You’ll be right there and that’ll be the end of your movement. TALIESIN: That’s fine. At least it’ll hopefully give everybody some flanking. MATT: Okay, make an athletics check. TALIESIN: That’s a four. MATT: (counting) You trip and fall down to your knees in the water. 20, 25, and that’s about as far as you can move on this turn. TALIESIN: That’s as far as I can move? MATT: You can use an action to dash if you want. TALIESIN: I’m going to hold my action in case he comes within fighting distance. MATT: Okay, you’re holding your attack? TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m holding my attack. MATT: Got it. TALIESIN: Can I do anything with my bonus? I can’t do anything with my bonus. MATT: Okay. Does that end your turn? TALIESIN: Yeah, I think that ends my turn. MATT: Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: I look at Yasha. Yeah? ASHLEY: Yeah. MARISHA: I pull out my oil flask and I undo it and I douse him with oil, power-of-Christ-compels-you style. MATT: Your first attempt to spray it, it dissipates in front of you. LAURA: Throw it at him! MATT: You can’t throw it 15 feet to land on his body. You have to throw the actual– All right. Roll a d20 plus your dexterity modifier. LAURA: It’s 15 feet away. MARISHA: Eight. LAURA: Oh no! MATT: It sees it coming towards it and (whooshing) past its head, and you hear it (shattering) somewhere in the distance. You glance past it, and there’s a pile of skulls and bones that were previously charred from the impact that currently now are doused in oil. MARISHA: That didn’t go as planned. Sorry. ASHLEY: Do you want to move? MARISHA: Yeah, I’m going to step back. TRAVIS: Run. (singing) Sail away, sail away, sail away. MATT: How much, full movement? LAURA: As far as you can. Get as far as you can! MARISHA: Yeah, a little bit more. I’m going to go behind that tree there. Yep, that’s fine. MATT: All right. That ends Beau’s turn. End of Beau. Yasha, you’re up. ASHLEY: Okay. I know we can’t go up and slash, and that’s all I can do, but can I– MATT: You can. TALIESIN: You’re just going to take damage. ASHLEY: I can’t do it. I’ll just take damage. I’m already low. TALIESIN: We healed up. We got a long rest. ASHLEY: Yeah. I know. I’m already nervous. Could I take a torch and throw it at him? MATT: Sure, I’ll let you do that. Yeah. MARISHA: Maybe there’s some oil flecks on him. MATT: You, who are still holding your tinder box from lighting the dynamite earlier, pull out your pack, pull out a torch, and it begins to burn. Roll a d20; add your dexterity modifier. LAURA: Roll better than Beau! MARISHA: Do better than me! ASHLEY: Oh no. Seven. MARISHA: Damn it! SAM: Does it at least land where the oil landed? MATT: It does! You see behind, a pile of freshly dampened, oil-covered skulls burns like a nice little bonfire behind him. ASHLEY: Is he looking at it? MATT: It looks at it, and looks back at you about as incredulously as a troll can, like– ASHLEY: I’m going to go back as far as I can. MATT: I should have actually rolled at disadvantage on that, but it would have been the same. MARISHA: We still would have sucked. ASHLEY: Still would have been shit. TALIESIN: There is a tiny burning fire there now. ASHLEY: I roll for a save on the poison? MATT: You do, at the end of your turn. Make a constitution saving throw. MARISHA: That would have been really cool in theory. TALIESIN: It would have been. ASHLEY: 17. MATT: You manage to shrug off the poison. ASHLEY: Good call. MATT: Good. All right, that ends Yasha’s turn. Jester, you’re up. LAURA: From out of the flames comes the spiritual weapon from behind and it’s going to come up and spank him on the butt. MARISHA: Heavy metal lollipop. ASHLEY: Come on, lollipop. LAURA: 14. MATT: 14 just misses. It strikes across its shoulder but glances off and slams into the wet, sickening swamp floor with a (sucking) sound. It has to pull itself out by wedging back and forth. LAURA: Aw man. I pop out from behind the tree and say, “I was aiming for your butt.” And then I’m going to cast Guiding Bolt at level three. MATT: Oh shit. All right. Roll your attack. LAURA: Damn it, fuck, mother bitch. No, it doesn’t hit. TALIESIN: There’s a lot of threes in this game right now. MATT: You watch as behind, (booming). SAM: Oh no! It’s got a mate! MATT: A tree blasts back from the Guiding Bolt, slamming into already rotted roots, needed that one final nudge, and the tree behind uproots itself and falls. LAURA: Did you guys see how powerful that was? Super powerful. I’m going to run away. I’m going to turn around and run the other direction. Yep, right there. MATT: All right. That ends Jester’s turn. Fjord, you’re up. TRAVIS: I’m going to move over here. Five, ten, 15. SAM: You’re going closer? TRAVIS: Yeah. I’m going to cast Witch Bolt at it. MATT: Go for it. Level one? What level you have to. TRAVIS: Yeah, whatever it is. 3d12. I have to roll to hit first. 16? MATT: 16 does hit. TRAVIS: Hi, d12. I missed you. (counting) 18 points. Lightning damage. MATT: Plus a d6 because it has Hex on it. TRAVIS: Thank you for the reminder. Two. Solid 20 points. MATT: 20 points of damage. I’m putting this on there for Witch Bolt, so if you wanted to use your action again, you can continue to hit it every turn for a d12 automatically. Now you see, as Fjord steps around the corner and releases this arcing bolt of purplish-black energy, this lightning arcs off and slams into the troll. The energy continues to swirl around it. It tries to stop it and grasp for it to no effect. There’s this strange thread of faintly visible energy between it and Fjord right now. There’s some sort of connection between the two of them. All right, that ends your turn, Fjord? TRAVIS: It does. MATT: The troll’s going to go first because it rolled higher than Caleb. Immediately, it turns– LAURA: No! MATT: No. It’s real angry at him because it just got Hexed, Blasted, and then Bolted. It’s going to bypass the shiny swords right there. TALIESIN: Does it get close enough for me to take a swing? MATT: It does. TALIESIN: Swing, swing. I just get two attacks, right? MATT: You were holding your action, so you get two attacks, yeah. TALIESIN: Actually, I’m going to use the good sword. It doesn’t matter. That’s awful, and that’s pretty good. That’s 11, that misses, and 19, that hits. MATT: That does hit. TALIESIN: That’s 1d6 plus 1d4. 2d6 now, that’s right. That’s not bad. That’s ten points of damage. MATT: Ten points of damage, as you strike it with one blade and miss with another. Immediately, as you strike across it with your blade, the venom splashes into your face. You suffer 13 points of poison damage, and then it moves out of your combat range. You can still take your reaction if you wanted to. TALIESIN: I will take my reaction. 13 points of damage? MATT: Yep. TALIESIN: That’s fine. This is what I’m good for. I’m taking it. ASHLEY: 100 gold! TALIESIN: 100 gold. Natural 20. (cheering) TALIESIN: New die. LAURA and TALIESIN: It’s a pretty gold die. TALIESIN: Does the fact that I’m using what effect I have– MATT: It does not appear to be undead. So it’s 2d6 plus, and then double whatever you roll. TALIESIN: So it’s 4d6 plus a little. MATT: Yeah, if you wanted to do it that way. TALIESIN: Ooh. That pretty much does the same thing. (counting) 21 points of damage. MATT: As you carve past, with a third, final swing towards it, you cut through a portion of muscle and tendon on its arm there, which immediately slips, dull to one side, unmoving. The spray splashes back in your face for only five points of poison damage. And it’s coming into you. As soon as that arm goes limp, the muscle reconnects and the arm comes back with strength, angrily. It’s going to swing. It’s going to take a bite and two claw attacks against you. TALIESIN: He’s also going to, of course, Curse of the Eyeless. MATT: You can’t. You already used your reaction to attack him. TALIESIN: Oh, that was my reaction. Never mind. MATT: Sorry, buddy. TALIESIN: That’s all right. MATT: For its bite attack against you, its jaws open, Fjord. That is going to be a 26. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: You take ten points of piercing damage, plus six points of poison damage, and you are poisoned until the start of its next turn, as the venom courses through your veins. Its teeth and giant tusks dug into the front of your shoulder and chest. The pain is strong, but it’s holding you fast. From there, like a clawed wolverine, it begins to rake at your chest with its claws on each side. The first one’s going to be a 16 to hit. TRAVIS: That misses. MATT: Right, because you have your shield out. The shield blocks one of the claws. The other one attempts to reach behind it to get to your body. That’s going to be a 19. TRAVIS: That hits. MATT: With the other claw strike– LAURA: Is he grappled? MATT: No. He is not. That is nine plus four. 13 points of slashing damage. TRAVIS: (high-pitched yelp) I mean, (deeper grunt). MATT: And another three points of poison damage. TRAVIS: Jeez Louise. MATT: That’s going to end its turn. LAURA and MARISHA: Run away! MATT: Caleb, you’re up. LIAM: Oh, this thing is way closer than I was prepared for. I take a little bit of molasses and rub it on my hands and say: slow down. You boys have got this? Good. And I start to back away, casting Slow as I go. I will loop around by our cleric. He has to beat a wisdom save against 16. MATT: Wisdom save? That is a 14 minus one. 13, no. SAM: What does that do to it? LAURA: It slows him, I think! MATT: Half movement, he can only make a single attack on its turn. LIAM: He can do an attack or a bonus, but not both. MATT: I need you to make two concentration checks, by the way. Your Hex would be gone, technically. Which is my fault. Hex is gone, and make constitution saving throws to see if you’re maintaining your Witch Bolt. TRAVIS: That’s an 11. That one saves. They both save. MATT: All righty. Good on you. TRAVIS: I think it was four. You can add four hit points, I think was the last Hex damage. LIAM: It was a cube, but Caleb, knowing that, would put the troll in the corner and send the rest of it in that direction. MATT: I assumed as much. Okay. LIAM: Can’t use reactions. MATT: Correct. LAURA: Oh, good. MATT: All right. Caleb, that finish your turn? LIAM: Ja. MATT: Nott, you’re up. SAM: Is it in melee with good old Fjord? MATT: It is. SAM: Oh, thank god. I mean, not for you. I’ll run up within 30 feet. MATT: All righty, you move (counting) 30, there you go. SAM: And fire! Ooh, good, it’s a lot! 20-something. MATT: That hits. Roll damage. It’s hurt real bad now. SAM: Okay, so that’s 13 plus four is 17. MATT: 17 points of damage. And splash! Fjord, you take nine points of poison damage right into your face as the bolt slashes through. TRAVIS: My eyes! SAM: I forgot about that. TRAVIS: Let it stop you not, my friend! Nott? Nott. SAM: Wait, do let it stop me, or don’t? TRAVIS: No, keep hitting it! MATT: It’s holding on, barely. It’s right there, angrily making a last stand. SAM: I’ll cock again and fire again! And it’s even more! 20-something to hit. MATT: Okay, roll damage. SAM: Only six points. MATT: Six points, still alive. Fjord, you take another 13 points of poison damage. TRAVIS: I do?! Hit it again! (spraying) MARISHA: Oh no! SAM: I killed something! LAURA: Wait, nobody hit it because Fjord’s going to take serious damage! TRAVIS: Just hit it! MATT: It’s standing, heavily breathing like (panting). LAURA: You’ll keep taking damage. TRAVIS: Oh no, I use my Relentless Endurance to (singing). MATT: You do! ALL: (singing) MATT: You’re about to go– (straining). The orc comes to. The blood of the half-orc kicks in, and you stand there angrily in its face. LIAM: Fjord Madeline Kahns back to life. (laughter) MATT: All righty, that finishes Nott’s turn. Molly, you’re up. TALIESIN: Nobody else hit it! MARISHA: Fjord, run! TRAVIS: Just hit it! TALIESIN: I’m going to walk up, and I’m going to flank it so I get advantage. MATT: You’re up to your waist in swamp water, looking up at it. TALIESIN: I’m going to take a hit. That’s 20. MATT: 20, that hits. TALIESIN: That’s nine points of damage. MATT: How do you want to do this? TALIESIN: I want to get the new sword, push, let it bend, and pop into it. MATT: As you stab through its body, it tries to spin and you watch this strange tensing of its abdominal muscles and its weird bulbous stomach suddenly bursts out in front of you, Fjord. TRAVIS: I’m down. MATT: Yeah, you take ten points of poison damage. TRAVIS: Ah! It was so cool! MATT: It looked almost like Molly killed them both. TRAVIS: (sizzling) MARISHA: Two birds, Molly. I like it. LAURA: Good one, Molly! MATT: Fjord is currently unconscious on the ground, guys. What are you doing? LAURA: And he’s poisoned, too, isn’t he? MATT: As far as you know. You don’t know. TALIESIN: I’ve got a bonus action. I’m going to give him an auto-cure, just in case. MATT: Okay, so roll a constitution saving throw to resist it. TALIESIN: The snake tattoo on my hand, the eye on the back of my hand bursts, and blood comes pouring out of it. I take two points of damage. TRAVIS: That is 20. MATT: 20. MATT: Oh, did you amplify? TALIESIN: I didn’t need the amplify. Oh, actually that’s right, I don’t have to take damage for that, never mind. MATT: So you watch as, where the snake is, the blood bursts and the green venom that’s currently coursing through the wounds in Fjord’s unconscious body suddenly (sucking noise) siphons out, hovers in the air for a moment, as Mollymauk is holding his hand. And then the poison drops to the ground and disseminates into the swamp. LAURA: What? ASHLEY: What? That is so cool! TALIESIN: I’ve never done that before. That– MATT: What are you guys doing? LAURA: Wait, are you awake then, Fjord? MATT: Fjord is still unconscious. The poison’s gone but he’s– SAM: Wait, what happened? Oh, he was just unpoisoned. LAURA: I’ll walk up to Fjord. And I’ll cast Cure Wounds at level one. SAM: Whenever you cure anyone, it feels like a bother. MARISHA: I know, it’s so begrudgingly. LAURA: I’ll tap his head and be like: Wake up already. TALIESIN: Just to be sure, I’m going to dig around and make sure this is true death on this thing and it’s not going to start regenerating or anything. Does it look like it’s regenerating at all? LAURA: Six points. TRAVIS: Thank you. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: I’ll start looking for the gold. ASHLEY: We could just cut off its head. MARISHA: I join Nott in looking for the gold. MATT: You guys begin to make your way over to the– TALIESIN: 12. SAM: The skulls. I’m faster. (laughter) MARISHA: I’m pretty fucking fast. I’m pretty damn fast. LAURA: Kiri, come out! MATT: Kiri begins to run around, joining over here in the swamp area. TALIESIN: Don’t poke it. LAURA: Don’t stab the corpse this time, it’s poisonous. MATT: (like Jester) “It’s poisonous.” You’re looking down at it and watching as parts of the wounds are still tethering together. TALIESIN: Okay, let’s like, I’m going to gently– MATT: It hasn’t come back to your turn yet, unfortunately. Its turn’s before that. You watch as it suddenly comes up from the ground, pulling itself from the swamp, now conscious once more. SAM: (high-pitched scream) TRAVIS: Please don’t. ASHLEY: Come. On! MATT: And it’s going to take another heavy swing towards Fjord. With advantage, because you’re prone. MARISHA: The fuck? SAM: Did you already Cure Wounds? LAURA: I did. MATT: That’s going to be 20 to hit. TRAVIS: Thanks, Jester. (death rattle) MATT: That’s going to be seven points of piercing damage, and two points of poison. TRAVIS: He’s out. MATT: Fjord falls unconscious once more. TRAVIS: (death rattle) LIAM: Just like Blink. TRAVIS: I’m back, I’m back. (laughter) SAM: Oh no! MARISHA: Time is weird for Fjord. TALIESIN: I feel like I should have had a– Oh well, that’s fine. MATT: Well, it comes back around to the next turn. TALIESIN: Ah. Six seconds can go quick. MATT: As soon as it comes back, it heals ten hit points back up. So it came to consciousness. Just enough movement to get up from prone, knock Fjord down. It’s going to make another swipe at Fjord. LIAM: Can it do that if it’s Slowed? MATT: No, it can’t! MARISHA: Is it still Slowed? LAURA: Oh, thank god. MATT: It’s still Slowed, yeah. TRAVIS: Oh, my god. MATT: Oh man. MARISHA: You just saved Fjord. TRAVIS: That was two death saving throws right there. MARISHA: Yeah, it was. MATT: And it had a third attack. MARISHA: It had another one? LIAM: But it doesn’t anymore. MATT: But it doesn’t anymore. ASHLEY: Yes! (laughter) TRAVIS: It’s like walking on the edge of a cliff in the middle of the night. And you didn’t know how far the drop was, and you’re just toeing the edge. No idea what was on the other side. LAURA: Oh my god. MATT: All right. Fjord is unconscious. Brings us back, Caleb, it is now your turn. LIAM: Oh, is it? Oh goodness, this is– MATT: As everyone’s rushed around, it’s got back up, and just (slamming noise) Fjord’s unconscious again. LAURA: Do you have Thunder Wave or anything that can push it back? LIAM: DM, in everything that I’ve seen, when fire has been used on this creature, did it splurt? MATT: It seemed to. LIAM: It seemed to splurt when I used fire. MATT: Any sort of damage seemed to cause it to splurt. LAURA: Still do it. SAM: Fire also did bad things to it and it didn’t regenerate. ` TALIESIN: No! Fjord. LIAM: I know, but Fjord is right under it. TRAVIS: Just do it. Just do it. LAURA: Just save your attack– MARISHA: If it’s at its turn, and now we’re back at the round so it’s going to have another turn immediately? LAURA: No. MATT: No. That was its turn it just took. So now we’re going back to the initiative order again. LAURA: We all have our actions, so hold your attack ‘cause I’ll pull Fjord away. TALIESIN: So now we have our full turn and it can’t react, so hold the– I can move, I’ll be fine. We all get a full turn before anything happens. LIAM: So Caleb shouts out, should I burn this thing now? TALIESIN: Wait one second! LAURA: Wait until I can pull him away! LIAM: All right, I’ll hold on a moment. MATT: Real fast, hold on, I’m just checking Slow. LAURA: Ahh! No! SAM: This has suddenly become the most complicated fight we’ve ever had! MATT: It gets to make a wisdom saving throw to see if it can avoid Slow. No, it rolled a three. LIAM: (funny voice) Ah, sorry buddy. MATT: So, Caleb, what are you doing? LIAM: I just yell, should I burn it? And Jester yelled, “Wait.” LAURA: Wait, wait, wait! MARISHA: Hold! LIAM: I’m going to hold the Glove of Blasting. MATT: Okay, what are you doing? LIAM: I’m going to burn it the moment Fjord is in the clear. MATT: Okay, so you’re holding until Fjord is clear from his body. Got it. Okay, that brings us to Nott. Nott, what are you doing? You turn around and watch as the troll’s now back up and slammed its claw into Fjord’s now, once again, unconscious body. TALIESIN: Hold until we’re clear! SAM: Okay. Ahh! (scared, nervous noises) I want to so bad! Am I within 30 feet? MATT: Currently? You can very easily get within 30 feet. SAM: I’ll get within 30 feet and then hold my action to shoot. MATT: You step around the flaming pile of skulls right there. And turn and get another bolt and– you’re holding? SAM: I’m holding the attack until it looks like it’s safe to do so. MATT: Okay, holding the attack until Fjord’s safe? SAM: Until Fjord’s gone. MATT: You got it. All right, Molly, your turn. TALIESIN: I obviously can’t hit it so– MATT: You can. TALIESIN: I mean– SAM: You’ve got your… TALIESIN: I’m going to get his attention, peace out. I’m going to Misty Step. SAM: Ooh. TRAVIS: Yeah, dude. MATT: Where do you want to go? TALIESIN: I can go 30 feet. LAURA: 30 feet? TALIESIN: Yep, yep. LAURA: Go get the shinies before Nott. TALIESIN: I’m going to head to the shinies. I’m going to Misty Step next to– yeah, there we are. MATT: Right behind the fire. SAM: Maybe I’ll just go back and hit it! LAURA: You won’t. TALIESIN: I just need visual and just… no, there’s nothing I can do. MATT: All right, that finishes Molly’s turn. Beau, you’re up. MARISHA: Are the two of you going to try and drag? Or do you want to try and attack and Yasha and I can drag? LAURA: Whatever. MATT: Figure it out guys, it’s your turn. MARISHA: All right, I’m going to run up, since I know me and Yasha are together. I’m going to cast Step of the Wind, to give myself double movement, or use a ki point. MATT: 25, 30. You don’t even have to, to get to it. MARISHA: I’m trying to get to Fjord. MATT: Oh, to get to Fjord, sorry. 40, 50, that’s 60. MARISHA: Well, I would have gone a straight way, but yeah. LAURA: Now you have used all your movement and you can’t pull him away. MARISHA: Step of the Wind, I have double movement. MATT: (counting) 40. So you have, that’s your– MARISHA: Okay. And I’m going to grab onto him and I’m going to turn to Yasha and I’m going to say, Help me, and I’m going to pull when she gets up to it. MATT: Okay, so you spend an action just to hold onto him. You currently have him grappled. MARISHA: I’m going to pull when she gets up. I’m going to help her pull him out. MATT: Okay, got it. Yasha? ASHLEY: So I’m going to move forward, grab the other side, that she doesn’t have, and pull him. MATT: All right. So you move over, action, and you’re going to pull him away. All righty, you are not in melee range so you manage to pull him back here. Fjord, you get– TALIESIN: He has no reaction. MATT: I know he doesn’t. So you pull him back. Fjord is now right there. ASHLEY: How far back can I pull him? MARISHA: I want to assist her, though. Can we get him further if I assist? That was the whole point of me doing that. MATT: Hmm. It gets a little wonky with action, but I’ll let you do it. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: With the speed you have left, you guys can pull him about there. MARISHA: If not, if she can handle him, then. MATT: Well, it’s half speed through the swamp, and then it’s half speed dragging somebody. So it’s a slow shift because you’re moving through the muck and dragging him out of this thick swamp. So that’s as far as you can get. MARISHA: Okay. MATT: It does not get any reaction though, because it’s currently still affected by the Slow spell and it looks like right now Fjord is in a position where he is outside of the splash radius. Which would trigger Caleb and Nott. LIAM: Scorching Ray. SAM: Oh. Firing. MATT: You fire, and you are using the Scorching Ray from the glove. LIAM: Yeah. First is a 20, second is an 18, and the third is a 20. MATT: All hit. LIAM: They all hit. SAM: 22 to hit for me. But it’s not a sneak attack? MATT: Roll damage. No. There’s nobody in range of it right now. LAURA: Oh. SAM: (disgustedly) Five points. MATT: Five points of damage. It’s still conscious. MARISHA: Kill him, kill him. LAURA: Five points, if you get more than five points he’s dead. LIAM: I did. A total of 27. LAURA: Yeah! MATT: How do you want to do this? LIAM: There is– I am with these people! And I am going to burn his head off. SAM: (laughs) ASHLEY: Here we go. MATT: As you turn, the glove sparking as you release these three blasts, one strikes his chest and ignites, his arm begins to burn black. This one hits the other shoulder and you watch as the torso begins to ignite. The third one finally hits right in the jaw and you see the shadowed line of its face, eyes and mouth open before (fire crackling). Incinerated to ash. I need you to go ahead and make a wisdom saving throw please. MARISHA: Oh shit, Caleb. LIAM: (high-pitched) Oh shit. Oh shit. Fünf. MATT: Caleb’s arms kind of just fall slack, and he slumps to his knees, staring at the now-flaming corpse of the troll as it slumps into the ground and begins to burn, half-submerged in swamp water, half of it now just this burning mass of ash and flesh. LAURA: Whoa. MATT: So. LAURA: That was really graphic! SAM: Oh, he’s still down. LAURA: Oh, are you dead or something? TALIESIN: Oh yeah, we’ve got to wake him up now! Cause he’s almost dead. LAURA: Ugh. I go over and I use another– MATT: Go ahead and make a death saving throw. LAURA: –healing spell. TRAVIS: 19. MATT: Yeah, you’re fine, all right. It’s fine. I just like making him roll. LAURA: Yay! I do Cure Wounds on him again. Stop doing this! TRAVIS: Ugh. I feel like this is a rough day. LAURA: Ooh. 11 points this time. TRAVIS: 11 points? I sit back up against the tree and sit there in the water, britches in the water, just not caring. MARISHA: Beau gets up, seeing Caleb a little bit messed up, and I’m going to go up to him and I’m going to grab him and be like: let’s take a walk. MATT: You pull him away. He’s not present, currently. MARISHA: That’s fine. I’m walking with him a little bit, slowly. LAURA: I’m going to take my axe and I’m going to try to cut out his heart. Just in case. Very slowly, so it doesn’t splatter. MATT: You have to wait a moment, because currently the body is being engulfed. Eventually the flames die down to the point where you can carve into its body, but most of its flesh is burned. It’s definitely dead. Make a medicine check. LAURA: Okay. 12. MATT: You manage to eventually hack away, get to where the troll heart would be, and carve it out without damaging it beyond any interest in this piece. It’s a deep forest green, looks like it has half-formed additional ventricles that never fully completed. It’s pretty disgusting, and you go to touch it, and your fingers– LAURA: I don’t want to touch it. I’m going to use my fabric and try to get it out, like a cloth or something. MATT: Okay. You pull it out. It is corroding the cloth slowly. LAURA: Ah! Does anybody have anything glass or metal? TALIESIN: Yes. LAURA: Put it in there! TALIESIN: No, I’m not going to do that. LAURA: Why? It squirted poison! MATT: It’s that big. It’s about basketball size. LAURA: We can keep it! TALIESIN: What are you going to do with that? You don’t want that. LAURA: I’m going to sit on the ground. I’m going to look through my stuff, see if I have anything that can hold it. TALIESIN: I’m going to go through the skulls. Do you want to join me going through the skulls right now? SAM: I was going to go to Caleb’s aid, but seeing Beau walk away with him, I nod and go back to looking through the skulls for gold. TALIESIN: Let’s not crowd the boy. MATT: Okay. Both of you guys make investigation checks as you’re looking through the rest of that. Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: I’m going to start walking over towards where the skulls are. SAM: 20 for me. TALIESIN: Ten. MATT: Unfortunately, the concussive blast of the dynamite shattered most of the bones and any materials that were in here, so what would’ve at one time been fairly easy to scavenge what remains, you gather from the patches of now dried and destroyed swamp ground that much of it has been scattered all across. You do manage to find some coins between the two of you– mostly you, Nott– and it takes some digging. You’re basically having to pan for gold here. You’re going in the muck and having to sift through your fingers and pour your water out a bit, take it into the water. You manage to find roughly 26 gold pieces, ten silver pieces, and let’s say about 50 copper pieces. MARISHA: Quarter of what we came back for, but sure! LAURA: Does his body have a pouch on him at all? Can I search the body? MATT: The body of the troll? Make another investigation check. MARISHA: Where’s Febron’s nasty body? SAM: Yeah, any other items that weren’t destroyed? LAURA: 13. MATT: There’s basic hides wrapped around the midsection. There is a small pouch. You go inside and pull through and immediately your hands hit something that feels very cold and somewhat slimy. Looking inside, looks like there are slivers of muscle. Fresh muscle that had been torn off of some sort of a body laid in there. The smell is a little bit putrid. It may have been in there pickling for a while. LAURA: Hey, Nott, I found some pickled muscle for you. SAM: What kind of species? LAURA: The slimy kind. MATT: You can make a medicine check to try and identify it. LAURA: Man, my medicine checks are sucking. Ten. MATT: Ten. Probably human. LAURA: It’s probably human. SAM: I’ll take that. MATT: Caleb, you shake out of it. LAURA: I’m going to take the hide he had covering his junk, and wrap it around the heart, because obviously it can take being splattered by venom. MATT: Yeah, okay. That it does. In revealing the partially singed troll dong, you also manage to properly wrap the heart for its own use. TRAVIS: Us and troll dongs, man! MATT: Each campaign. It’s a through line, guys! SAM: Can we keep the dong? LAURA: I don’t want the dong. TALIESIN: There’s no sense repeating. MATT: So, Fjord, what are you doing? TRAVIS: I’m sitting there, watching Caleb and Yasha walk off and feeling sorry for myself. MATT: Okay. Caleb, you manage to snap out of it, and come back to reality. MARISHA: I hand him one skin and I say: Here, this one’s water. This one’s booze. Take the water and I pour it out on one of my sashes and dab off his forehead a little bit. You all right? LIAM: Ja. MARISHA: Cool. Cool, cool, cool. TRAVIS: Y'all mind if we take a short rest or something? MARISHA: Yeah, let’s do that. There’s a campfire over there that Yasha and I made with the oil and the torch that we threw. It’s already done. Let’s go sit by that. LAURA: Sit by the skulls! MATT: It’s a pile of bone and skull shards that is still burning and will be burning for a while from the oils. LAURA: It’s cozy over here. MARISHA: Can I get my oil flask back too? MATT: No. That flask shattered on impact, sorry. You guys take a short rest. SAM: I’ll give out all the gold. LAURA: Whoa, you pass out the 26 gold? SAM: Yeah, so we all get three. We all get three gold pieces. I’m keeping the extras. MATT: The downside of throwing dynamite into the reward pile. TRAVIS: I heal 39 points. I only have one hit dice left. MATT: You guys finish your short rest. You’re feeling a little more collected. What do you wish to do? LAURA: I guess we should go home, huh? I mean, back to the town. TALIESIN: Especially since we’re now a 100 gold richer. MATT: You look around and see Kiri sitting there with the knife and is stabbing the troll body. LAURA: Don’t stab the troll, it’s poisonous! It will hurt you. MATT: It’s not splashing venom, it looks like. TALIESIN: I guess get it out of your system then, that’s fine. TRAVIS: 26 and ten silver. TALIESIN: Are you done yet? MATT: (like Caleb) “This means we are friends.” LAURA: I think we’re a bad influence on her. SAM: I don’t think so. Kiri, would you like some human jerky? LAURA and TRAVIS: No, don’t! No! SAM: What? I thought birds might like that. LAURA: No. Don’t eat human, Kiri. Don’t stab humans and don’t eat humans, okay? MATT: (like Jester) “Don’t stab humans. Don’t eat humans. Okay?” TALIESIN: Unless you’re really out of anything to eat. Then I suppose, you know, desperate times. LAURA: Do what you have to. TRAVIS: Well, I’m glad we did that. Shall we continue on our way? LAURA: Are you okay, Fjord? You died twice. TRAVIS: Yeah, I just meant to– SAM: Well, three times, because the first time he snapped back up himself. LAURA: Oh that’s true, three whole times! TRAVIS: Yeah, that didn’t go the way I planned. My strategy went to shit. SAM: Do you still have the crazy eye thing in your stomach? TRAVIS: In my stomach? LAURA: I poke his stomach. Does it feel like there’s a hard thing in there? MATT: No, it seems classic Fjord stomach. TRAVIS: Just these abs, babe. (laughter) LAURA: Can’t feel anything past the steel. TRAVIS: You feel all six of them. Eight of them. MATT: Nine? TRAVIS: Nine. That is a– what do you call it when you have– oh shit, hernia. (laughter) SAM: All right, I guess we’ll keep going. LAURA: Yeah, we should probably do that. SAM: Oh wait, did they ever come back from their little walk? MARISHA: Yeah, I imagine we wandered back. TRAVIS: Yeah, you shook it off. LIAM: Shook it off. MARISHA: He’s great. SAM: How are you, Caleb? LIAM: Good. Good. SAM: You faded away there for a second. Are you okay? ASHLEY: Yeah, what happened? You good? Okay. LAURA: He gets weird when he kills people when he burns them. He did it before. SAM: I think anyone would, really. LAURA: I don’t know if Kiri would. She’d probably be cool with it. LIAM: But Fjord is still here, so there is the important thing. Let’s focus on the good things in our lives. TRAVIS: Yeah, thank you, Caleb. Appreciate that. ASHLEY: You took care of the problem. MARISHA: Yeah. I feel like those two aren’t mutually exclusive or anything, but yeah. LAURA: Let’s start walking! MARISHA: All right. TALIESIN: It’s just getting awkward. MATT: All right. You guys continue making your way back towards Berleben. You made most of the journey and by the time the sky begins to subtly grow dark with the threat of dusk imminent in the next hour or so, you guys begin to make visual on the lantern lights in the outskirts of the northern side of the city. Within a short time. before it gets too dark in the swamp, you manage to make your way inside Berleben proper. LAURA: We did it! MATT: You’re still in the Puddles. MARISHA: Is there another inn, other than that bougie, terrible, underground situation? TALIESIN: Did you just say bougie? Ugh. God, never mind, I don’t like you again. MARISHA: That was pretty bougie. LAURA: Yeah, we were in the bad part of town. We can go to the nice part of town. LIAM: What is this word, “bougie?” MARISHA: When you want to try and seem fancy, but it’s a little ostentatious. LIAM: Is that in Common? Is that a Common word? TALIESIN: It’s a word that people use when they want to sound ostentatious about how ostentatious something is. MARISHA: Yeah, it’s short for bourgeois, which is super ostentatious. LIAM: The Zemnian word for that is like seven syllables long. MARISHA: That’s ostentatious. LAURA: I’m going to cast Sending. SAM: Oh, you’re going to send a message. What’s the message? Completed first half of mission? LAURA: Yeah, yeah, yeah. SAM: Send money. TALIESIN: It’s collect when we get back. LAURA: I’m going to cast Sending and send a message to The Gentleman. MARISHA: Safe house cleared? MATT: Okay. He cannot respond though, right? SAM: You can reply to this message. MATT: Oh, can answer in a like manner immediately. LAURA: I’m going to say: Hey, Mr. Gentleman. We found your safe house. We cleared it out of a bunch of fish people. Don’t worry, everything’s fine now, okay. We also found a troll in the swamp, we killed that too, and we also found some crocodiles. Please respond to this. If you need anything let us know, okay? TALIESIN: And his agent is dead. His person out here is dead. LAURA: And your agent out here, the guy with the no teeth, is dead. MATT: Seeing as how the spell’s limit is 25 words– (laughter) MATT: There’s a moment where you hear in your mind a familiar voice of The Gentleman going, “I think "I catch your gist. Well done. Keep trucking?” You hear the confused rise at the end. LAURA: He interrupted me while I was telling him what we did. SAM: Yeah, there was still more to say. LAURA: Yeah, there was so much more, but I think he got the idea. We’ll get the bonus. MARISHA: Jester’s that person who keeps trying to record the voicemail and gets cut off. Aw, re-record, one more time! TALIESIN: Or trying to send an email. “How does this work?” All caps. MATT: As you guys are having this conversation near one of the lanterns, you see a cloaked figure that’s sitting on a bench suddenly stand up and face you, and begin to walk towards you. MARISHA: Wait, we’re in the tavern? MATT: You’re walking through the Puddles. SAM: Scatter, scatter! TRAVIS: No. SAM: Take to the sewers! MATT: The figure approaches. Somebody in the tech sneezed, I think. MARISHA: Can I pull and grab my staff a little bit? TALIESIN: Just ruin everything, there we are. MATT: I know. TRAVIS: All I could see is somebody go (fart sound). MATT: The figure approaches and pulls the hood back, and you see a scruffy chin, the unkempt hair, a dirtier, but excited, Horris Thrym. MARISHA: Oh my god, Horris! Oh, he’s not dead! MATT: He goes, “Well, word of a motley group of strangers spreads in whispers, and I knew it had "to be you based on the description. My friends, you’ve come this way. This place is miserable. Oh, "do not think that I don’t appreciate what you’ve done for me, please.” TRAVIS: No, you’re right on the nose. It’s pretty miserable. MARISHA: Yeah, this place sucks. MATT: “As rough as this journey was, I’d rather be here than in prison. What word of Zadash has come? "Is Dolan all right?” MARISHA: He’s fine. He was sitting pretty next to the other diplomats of the town. LAURA: Yeah, he seemed like he was doing pretty good when we saw him. TALIESIN: Except, of course, that they’re making ready for war. MATT: “I’ve heard whispers of that as well.” MARISHA: Did you see that crazy army ride by? There was a lot of horses. A lot. MATT: “I’ve been here for over a week, so no. But I’m sure there was. How long should I stay? What "is the current atmosphere there?” LIAM: That is a big question mark at the moment. SAM: It’s chaotic. MATT: “Is it safe to return or should I hang low a little longer?” LAURA: You know what, it might be, because I think they decided to charge other people with the crimes and stuff. TRAVIS: The gates were pretty heavily watched, though. LAURA: Were they still, though? Are they? TRAVIS: At war? LAURA: I don’t remember. LIAM: Perhaps wait until you receive word from him. MATT: “Okay, I’ll remain in this quaint city.” LIAM: Well, he has a better eye on the situation than we do. He’s right in the thick of it now. MATT: “That’s true, I’ll be patient. Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it.” LAURA: Horris, do you have a lot of diamonds on you? Maybe some that are worth 300 gold? TALIESIN: So thirsty. MATT: “No, I don’t. But if I do, I’ll let you know. ” LAURA: I’m on the lookout, okay. MATT: “I genuinely wish to make this up to you at some point. If it is diamonds you require I’ll "begin looking.” SAM: Do you know anywhere in town where they might have that many diamonds? MATT: He stops and looks around the city and goes, “I don’t know if this is the place. Call me crazy, but–” LIAM: Is there anything of use or value here? At all? MATT: “Fish, swamp fungus, herbs.” LAURA: Poisonous troll hearts! SAM: You have it? Ah! MATT: He steps back. TALIESIN: Where would we sell such a thing like this? MATT: He starts thinking for a second, then goes “Maybe there,” and points to what is another two story building that had been burned and left to rot that now appears to be a hollow structure that is overgrown with greenery and plants. TALIESIN: Is that an apothecary? Do you have an apothecary here? MATT: “It seems to be from what I’ve noticed in passing.” TALIESIN: My god I miss shopping! I’m going to give him three gold for his trouble. You’re brilliant! And I’m heading in that direction. MATT: “Thank you. Thank you all. If you see Dolan, tell him please, come get me.” TRAVIS: No fear, we won’t be too much longer. We’re going to head back to Zadash after we take care of some other business. And we’ll be sure to check in. Word will find its way to you soon. MATT: “Thank you.” MARISHA: Where are you staying right now? MATT: “I’m over at The Drowned Nest.” MARISHA and TRAVIS: The Drowned Nest. MARISHA: How are rooms there? Are they underground and filled with water and mold? MATT: “No, they’re better than that place.” And he points to The Keystone Pub where you guys stayed the night. TRAVIS: Who would stay there right? I mean– MATT: “Not to my standards.” TALIESIN: It’s quaint and rustic, shut up. MARISHA: The Drowned Nest? Do they have a tavern at The Drowned Nest? MATT: “I’m sure you could acquire a drink. Trust me, most of the folks here have to.” TRAVIS: Do you feel safe here? I noticed your hood was up when you approached us. MATT: “Just precautions. Not a lot of business happens here that you won’t get mingled in unless "you were looking. So I just stay put.” TRAVIS: We’ll send word. It was good to see you. MATT: “You as well. If you pass by The Drowned Nest, hopefully we could have a drink.” And he makes his way up towards the central part of the town, the Midway Docks. LAURA: Man, I’m glad he’s alive. I thought he was one of the dead bodies we found at the safe house. MARISHA: Me too. TRAVIS: Where the hell did Molly go? LAURA: He went in the apothecary! And I take off running. MATT: You approach and there is a sign that’s hanging from a chain, from two iron hooks that are long rusted, this dull brown-red color. It reads across the front The Fungal Fount. TALIESIN: What kind of font is it written in? TRAVIS: Papyrus. MATT: Never enter if it’s Papyrus. TRAVIS: No business back there! MATT: So you approach. The door is closed, currently. TALIESIN: I go to knock. MATT: “Sorry, we’re closed.” TALIESIN: You’re not buying today? MATT: “We’re closed, it’s sundown, and I’m shutting up.” TALIESIN: Already? What time do you open tomorrow? MATT: “Sunrise.” TALIESIN: Are you sure you don’t want to perhaps buy a fresh troll heart? MATT: (pause) “What?” LAURA: I have a troll heart. It’s full of poison. TALIESIN: Very wet! MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: We got a real wet troll heart. LAURA: Do I roll with advantage because Molly is helping? MATT: You are helping. I’ll give you advantage on this roll. That was a roller coaster right there. TALIESIN: Not a bad die there. LIAM: You two just became that Muppet meme that was made. LAURA: 22! MATT: There’s a moment and you hear (multiple locks clicking). The door opens and on the inside you see a wild-looking, gaunt dwarf. He has a chin beard with green moss growing on each side of it. His clothes look a little moist and his forehead glistens with sweat, and he peers through, his eyes popped out. “You said you have a troll heart? Come in.” Opens the door and lets you both inside. Closes the door behind. (lock clicking) “I’m sort of curious as to how you came across this troll "heart. Did you kill the troll?” LAURA: We killed a troll. TALIESIN: We found a troll and we killed it. MATT: “That’s amazing. I’m very impressed. Um, ah–” LAURA: Do you want to see it? MATT: “I would like to, very much. Place it on this counter please. On the leather, which you carried.” LAURA: I open the leather and place it down. (squishy noise) MATT: He reaches over and grabs metal tongs and starts pushing– LAURA: Hey! MATT: “I’m inspecting it.” TALIESIN: Let him prod. It’s fine. MATT: Takes a moment to look around. “I can see there’s some very fascinating applications that "could come from this.” LAURA: There are a lot of aortas and chambers and stuff. MATT: “It is quite exquisite. I would be happy to buy this off of you. Do you have an asking price "or would you like me to make an offer?” TALIESIN: Or could we also talk about trade possibly if you have some interesting stuff. LAURA: Probably you could buy it and also give us some stuff. TALIESIN: If you’ve got stuff to trade. You seem like a clever fellow, I’m sure you got something around here that’s interesting and unique. MATT: Without breaking eye contact, he starts rummaging behind this small wooden table that acts as his counter. Which has a bunch of planters and potted weird-looking swamp fungus and plants that are grown together and entwined. One of them, you lean close and a little spore goes off, and you back away carefully. You hear the clinking of glass and he pulls up two small jars, opens and says, “I could spend the night preparing, perhaps, for some medicinal potions. ” LAURA: Really strong ones? MATT: “Strongest you’ll find this side of the Labenda.” LAURA: Is that regular? Or stronger than that? MATT: “I don’t know, I have to brew it to find out. It’s not a perfect art form! You are impatient.” TALIESIN: We’ll see what you put together, and we’ll definitely talk about what this is worth in the morning. And if you have anything unusual that you put together, if you have a signature blend of any kind, I’m always interested in people who are excited to experiment. MATT: “Unusual?” TALIESIN: Yes! LAURA: But I’m more interested in the healing potions. TALIESIN: That too. MATT: “Right. The morning then.” TALIESIN: We’ll see you bright and early. LAURA: Take the troll– what’s your name by the way? MATT: “Smithe. Smithe Durban. Pleasure to meet you.” LAURA: Smithe Durban. TALIESIN: Do you think it would be better to leave this here, so he can contain it? LAURA: No! TALIESIN: I mean we killed a troll, it’s not like we can’t kill him if it goes wrong. LAURA: Nope! I’m taking it with me. LIAM: Vex is back. SAM: Smithe Durban is, knows, or has a gimp. (laughter) TRAVIS: 100% for sure. TALIESIN: Why must you sully everything good and pure in this world, Sam? LIAM: There is a halfling wrapped in parchment paper underneath the shop. TALIESIN: This is where all those manacles have been coming from! Oh no! MATT: They haven’t invented the zipper yet, so it’s laced. TALIESIN: Perfect, we’ll be back in the morning. Let’s go take a rest. MATT: “Very well. Goodnight, sleep well. Return please.” Closes the door. (multiple locks clicking) LAURA: What a nice guy. TALIESIN: I really liked him. LAURA: I did. I liked him a lot. MATT: So what are you guys doing for the evening? MARISHA: Let’s go check out The Drowned Nest, shall we? There is a better place than the Keystone Pub. We head to The Drowned Nest. MATT: You head to the Midway Docks. Following the outskirts of the Drydocks, which are a number of these wooden docks that head out into various edges of the swamp, where there are small boats that are currently roped off and being watched by the crownsguard that come across with torches, make sure that nothing gets stolen or anyone is doing anything untoward over in the area. Asking around, you eventually find your way to a relatively simple-looking building. Single story, but it stretches quite a bit and you can see a number of windows that are faintly glowing with candlelight. On the inside, it does appear to be a simple inn, with a small bar in the far corner. It’s better than the Keystone Pub, but only incrementally. Entering inside, it’s relatively quiet. Looks to be one person who is drinking alone on the far end, and you see across the way a female human in her middle age, a warm smile with a cracked face who glances up from a small book that she is thumbing through and goes, “Good evening folks. Can I help you?” TRAVIS: Yes, you can. We’re weary travelers in need of respite and perhaps some drinks. MATT: “Well, I can provide both. My name is Uma Cole. Pleasure to meet you.” TRAVIS: Uma. (kiss) Matt: “Oh! Well–” TRAVIS: Was that a dirty hand? MATT: “Oh no, I keep quite clean.” TRAVIS: I was asking out of character, but okay. Did you give me the dirty hand, ma'am? MATT: I was trying to process what that was referring to. “Oh, you stop.” No, the hand was clean. TRAVIS: Okay. MATT: “We do have about four rooms available for rent, if y'all are willing to stay for the evening. "Our selection of liquors and beers are not extremely versatile, but welcome to provide as needed.” TRAVIS: That sounds absolutely fantastic. TALIESIN: Whatever you think that we shouldn’t leave town without trying. MATT: “Very well. That will be five silver per room for the night’s stay.” MARISHA: We’ll take them all. MATT: “All four rooms? That will be two gold pieces, please.” TRAVIS: I got it. TALIESIN: You got it? LAURA: Thanks, Fjord. TRAVIS: No problem. Thanks for making sure I was okay back there. MATT: “What a gentleman.” LAURA: I saved his life multiple times today. MATT: “Well, good for you.” TALIESIN: To be fair, he’s saved our lives dozens of times. MARISHA: He’s very dapper. He touches the hearts of all of us. Where would we be without Fjord? TALIESIN: All gone. All dead. LAURA: Yeah. I mean he’s not that cool or anything! I mean you probably wouldn’t be interested in him at all. MATT: “Course not, I’m sorry.” LIAM: Are you interested in him? MATT: “Here’re your keys.” Strangely surrounded by a group of strangers, now accosting her with various degrees of insinuation. “Drinks-wise, we prefer more hard liquors, or more of an ale beer?” MARISHA, LIAM, and ASHLEY: Hard. TALIESIN: Any surprise you have. MATT: “Well, only a couple of surprises at my disposal, but–” LAURA: Do you have any ginger ale, or fresh milk? MATT: She pulls up this dark green bottle, and uncaps it. “It’s beer, but its practically ginger "ale. Not very alcoholic.” She hands it over to you. TALIESIN: You can’t drink in real life and you still won’t drink on graph paper. MATT: A round of liquor for all of you guys will run you about three silver pieces. It’s not very expensive. TRAVIS: I’ll do that as well. It’s exactly what I have. ASHLEY: What book are you reading? MATT: “Oh, nothing.” And she tucks it under. “Just keeping my mind busy. Anyway, welcome to stay if "you like. We don’t have food available here. You may have to go over to the Keystone Pub for that. "But we do offer finer sleeping arrangements.” TRAVIS: Is it a busy night? Any new travelers, anyone that caught your eye coming in before us? MATT: “Not to the degree that you have, no.” TRAVIS: Well, I’m flattered. MARISHA: Well, I’m going to go get a drink. TALIESIN: I’ve got cards, I’m going to play and I’m going to drink. And we’ve got to discuss what’s happening tomorrow. TRAVIS: True. We’ll find our way over to a table. MARISHA: Yeah, I’ll go get a table. Does someone want to tuck Kiri in? MATT: Kiri at this point is leaning up on the counter towards the woman. And goes (like Jester) “Don’t eat humans, okay.” The woman goes, “Aw!” LAURA: She’s the sweetest, isn’t she? She’s wearing a mask, she’s not really a bird! And I take her. MATT: Make a deception check. LAURA: Oh! That’s surprising, 20. MATT: She goes, “Children and their costumes.” SAM: Yes, I know, right? (laughter) MATT: She grabs her book and starts reading from behind the counter. TALIESIN: Can I see the cover when she grabs the book? MATT: Actually, it’s just plain leather. LAURA: (whispers) It’s Tusk Love. That’s definitely Tusk Love. MATT: So what are you guys doing? TRAVIS: We head over to a table in the corner to discuss. MATT: You got your drinks. They’re functional at best. This isn’t a bad establishment, but it’s a plain establishment. But it works. It’s you guys and one other patron, who currently seems to be deep in their cups, making it on their own. They are out of earshot; you have your own table. TRAVIS: Well, we seem to be doing fairly well. How do we feel about setting out in the morning to– SAM: Shadycreek? TRAVIS: Yeah, Shadycreek Run. TALIESIN: Yeah, I’m ready. TRAVIS: Ophelia Mardun. LAURA: Sounds good. SAM: Was there anyone else here that we were supposed to see, or anything else we were supposed to do? LIAM: No, we are on a bit of a time crunch. SAM: We have to stop by this fungus place to get some potions. TALIESIN: We’ll do that on the way out as soon as we put the cart together. LAURA: It opens at sunrise so we should be good. TALIESIN: We’ve done what we needed. This is a one troll town, I think. Not a great time to be had here. TRAVIS: Yeah, we can catch up on some rest. We got to get the carriage, right? Get the horses back. LAURA: Yeah, they’re at the docks or something. TRAVIS: That means I got to go over to the– Where did we stay before? MARISHA: The Keystone Pub. TRAVIS: I’ve got to get it from that guy. LAURA: He dropped them off at the place– SAM: The central stables. MARISHA: We paid way too much money to have him store our horses. TRAVIS: Yeah, but we don’t know where the stables are. LAURA: The central stables, we have to ask where they are. We don’t have to go back to the other pub. Don’t worry, Fjord. TALIESIN: They may not give them to us unless he’s there. SAM: Hey, Yasha. MARISHA: I have validation, it’s okay. SAM: Yasha, I saw you asking about that book the lady had. ASHLEY: Yes. SAM: Do you want me to get it for you? ASHLEY: Yes. I would love that. SAM: All right. TALIESIN: I missed this. SAM: Maybe place an order or get her attention so I can go snag it real quick. ASHLEY: Okay, would you like me to try to– SAM: I don’t know. ASHLEY: Okay. SAM: I’ll cast Mage Hand. TALIESIN: Oh, why not? Another round, please! And I’ll put a gold for everyone down. MATT: Okay, she goes, “Oh, of course, I’ll go ahead and get that for you.” She closes the book and puts it beneath the counter and runs off and grabs the bottle that she had previously poured and shakes it. It’s fairly empty, so she grabs another and then heads over to your table and begins to uncork and fill the drinks. SAM: As she’s filling, I’ll Mage Hand back and try to grab the book. MATT: Okay, you do not see where it is. You still have to have visual. SAM: Okay, I’ll walk over there, then. MATT: Make a stealth check. SAM: That’s not great. 14. ASHLEY: You could just be looking. MATT: Okay, she walks and is pouring drinks and looks over her shoulder in your direction, and is still pouring, but is looking at you. LAURA: Kids, huh? They’re always wandering off. MATT: “Apparently.” SAM: Goo goo ga ga. Do I see where the book is now? MATT: You do see it from your perspective, but she is watching you. TRAVIS: Uma, has anyone ever told you that you have eyes like the sea? MATT: Make a persuasion check. SAM: (imitating guitar) TRAVIS: Shit, nine. Come on, that’s my jam! ASHLEY: Yes, Uma, they are like a sky blue. MATT: She finishes pouring the drinks, caps it up, and goes, “Well, I appreciate the flattery, I "really do. Have a wonderful night.” Then walks back towards where she was sitting, but as she does so, her eyes are locked on you, Nott. Goes back to her stool. SAM: Damn it! Fjord, what was that? What was that? That’s not how you talk to a woman! TRAVIS: I’m not real practiced, I’m sorry. SAM: “Your eyes are like the sea?” We’re in a landlocked part of the place here. She doesn’t even know what that means. TRAVIS: I should’ve said like the swamp, right? Your eyes are like stagnant water, green and– no? Green and yellow in places. LIAM: I walk directly up to the bar. LAURA: They look like a troll took a shit in them. MATT: “Can I help you?” LIAM: Yeah, I’m good on drinks. I was just curious what it is that you’re reading. MATT: Roll a persuasion check. LIAM: For a question? Okay. LAURA: She doesn’t like us very much. MARISHA: Yeah, she hates us. MATT: She’s had a bad series of minutes with you guys. LIAM: Just a nine. MATT: “I’m reading a fine story.” LIAM: Is it fiction? MATT: “It is.” LIAM: I am so starved for a good book. We’ve been in the wild for a while. I don’t suppose there’s– I doubt it, but is there any place to find literature here? MATT: “I had to order this from Zadash, unfortunately.” LIAM: That sounds terrible. How long does it take for it to get here? MATT: “Well, the order goes out there, and pay upon delivery. It took me the better part of a "month to get here.” LIAM: I commiserate for your thirst for fiction. I struggle with it myself. How far in are you? Are you almost finished with it? MATT: “I’m about three chapters in. It’s just starting to get interesting.” LIAM: Is it a page turner? MATT: “Yes.” LIAM: Okay, I’m obviously just a little bit jealous, but I don’t want to take you away from your reading time. MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Nine. MATT: There’s a little bit of text just barely visible at this proximity to the cover of the book, but you can’t make it out in this low light. LAURA: Does it look like a T, with a U, with an S, with a K. With an L– MATT: She takes it and closes it and puts it beneath the counter. “Is there anything else I can "help you with, sweetie?” LIAM: No, that’s fine, enjoy. I give her a wink and I go back to the table. ASHLEY: This is going to drive me crazy. SAM: Let’s fucking kill her and take the book, take everything in the place! MARISHA: We have been wanting to buy a bar. TRAVIS: Yeah, but you know what they say, it’s location, location, location. MARISHA: Yeah, this town sucks. TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s really not that good. ASHLEY: I’m going to go up to the bar. MATT: She’s just pulled the book out and looks up and goes, “Hi.” ASHLEY: Hello. Here’s the thing. You’ve made this very intriguing, this book that you’re reading, and I can’t leave here without knowing what it is. MATT: Make an intimidation check. MARISHA: Were you being intimidating? TRAVIS: The brachial artery flexes in her bicep. ASHLEY: My intimidation is minus two but we said we can use– MATT: Well, it depends on how you’re being intimidating. Are you going to physically threaten her to show the book? ASHLEY: No, no. MATT: Then it’s charisma-based. LAURA: You got this, Yasha! MATT: This is subtle. TALIESIN: No. ASHLEY: That would be a zero. Because I rolled a two, and my charisma is minus two. MATT: She goes, “I apologize, but–” (southern drawl) I apologize. ALL: (southern drawl) I apologize. MATT: “But your behavior, paid customer or not, has been lackluster, and I would appreciate if I "could have my privacy.” ASHLEY: I will give you privacy, I just don’t understand why we can’t know what you’re reading. MATT: “Why are you so interested in what I’m reading?” ASHLEY: Because it looks like it’s very good! I will go sit down, fine. I miss reading. I miss it a lot. LAURA: I have a book you can read, Yasha. ASHLEY: I want to know what she’s reading. SAM: Jester and Molly, you have not tried yet. MATT: Dungeons and Dragons. LIAM: We plan a heist for tonight. We wait until she’s asleep. TRAVIS: In the morning, we’ll send her for the horses and the carriage, and perhaps it’s time we turn in. I pound mine. Molly, are we bunking up? TALIESIN: I’m finishing this and I’ll be right up. MATT: All right. You guys finish up your respective drinks. TALIESIN: I go last. LAURA: I feel like we only need three rooms. SAM: It’s just an extra couple gold. TALIESIN: I leave two gold on the counter before I leave. For you no matter what, but if you tell me what it is, I promise I won’t tell the rest of them. I just want to lord it over them. MATT: She palms the two gold. She goes, “It’s called Feathered Leather.” TALIESIN: Enjoy your evening. Cheers. And I head upstairs. MATT: She pockets the gold happily. LIAM: It’s about Vax. (laughter) MATT: Some bard somewhere in the past has penned a story about a dark knight in leather and feathers. MARISHA: I’ve seen that Tumblr post. TALIESIN: For the record, I tell none of you. MATT: You guys manage to get your evening’s rest. You gather your things, and the next morning– LAURA: Wait, before I go to sleep, I want to use my Pearl of Power and regain a 3rd-level spell, and I want to cast Sending on my Mama. And I’m going to say: Hi, Mom! I got a new spell. I want to say thank you for the package you sent me. I know that it was really hard for you to do that and I love you so much and I hope everything’s okay with you, and I got your letter and the ink and I think it’s so– MATT: As you’re talking, you hear, in your mind, this gasp. “Jester, I don’t know how, but it’s so "good to hear from you. Did you get my package?” LAURA: Oh no, can I respond to it? Oh no! MATT: She pauses. “Well, wherever you are, I love you, and I hope you are well, If–” and it cuts off. ALL: (groaning) MARISHA: Maybe next time if you write down the words, so you can know which are the most important words. LAURA: Okay, I need to tell her I got her package. MATT: I wasn’t counting the words, but I think that gets the gist of it. Probably somewhere in there. I’m sure I’ll get 14 tweets going like, “That was only 22 words.” It’s fine. TALIESIN: Three of those tweets will be from me. MATT: I know. Oh, I know, Taliesin. That’s why I’m nipping this in the bud. Yeah. TRAVIS: Before we turn in turn in, it’s just Molly and I in our room, right? Can I confide in you for something? TALIESIN: Oh yes, please. TRAVIS: I’m a little unnerved about this sword. Would you stay and watch for a second? TALIESIN: This seems like a bad idea. Sure. TRAVIS: All right. I’ll summon the Wastehunter Falchion. MATT: As it emerges from your grasp, you can see there’s the slight splash of sea water across the wall. There you can see, in the center of the pommel– previously was just the well-crafted hilt to the blade– you see a single, yellow, lidless eye on each side. TALIESIN: Does it look like anything? Does it remind me of a mystic symbol of any kind? MATT: Make an arcana check. TALIESIN: Just an arcana check. Let’s see what happens. Natural 20. LAURA: Whoa! TALIESIN: I’m back, baby. MATT: There’s no religious symbology here. In thinking through, there’s nothing that gives you the essence that there’s any sort of belief system locked into this that you’re aware of. Looking at it, one: it immediately reminds you of whatever it is he jammed into his stomach, and two: the image of it, and the sea-based theme of these experiences that Fjord has been having, leads you to believe that this is something very old, and something that resides probably beyond land and possibly beyond the sea. That’s as much as I can give you. Which is more than you should’ve gotten, but you rolled a 20. TRAVIS: Does the iris move at all, or is it static? MATT: Currently it’s just static. TALIESIN: What happened to you on that boat? TRAVIS: Um. TALIESIN: Something might have followed you. TRAVIS: Nothing like this. I’ve never seen anything like this eye before. Only in that dream, where Vander was holding it, pushing it into his chest, but this is smaller. This sword just seems to take in things. TALIESIN: You’re going to forgive me for this later. I cast Friends. MATT: Okay. For the next minute, you have advantage on your charisma checks. TRAVIS: I forget what Friends does. MATT: It doesn’t do anything to you, it just gives him advantage on charisma checks. TRAVIS: Oh okay. Oh nice. TALIESIN: Actually, I’m so sorry, not Friends, it’s Charm Person. MATT: You’re doing Charm Person? TALIESIN: I’m so sorry, it’s Charm Person. MATT: Make a wisdom saving throw. TALIESIN: Thank you. TRAVIS: Why did I ask? That’s an 18. MATT: He resists it. You feel your mind begin to cool with subtle arcane influence and you shrug it off. TALIESIN: There’s something in you that you either don’t want to talk about or don’t remember properly, I think. TRAVIS: Well, you could’ve just asked. TALIESIN: No, I don’t think I could’ve. TRAVIS: If anything, it’s the latter. TALIESIN: I know. TRAVIS: There’s not a lot I remember about being in the ocean. TALIESIN: Which is why I didn’t ask. TRAVIS: Right. TALIESIN: I trust that you’ll tell me everything you know, but I’m not sure you even know everything you know. TRAVIS: Maybe, but that’s why I asked you to stay in the room. I’m not entirely sure I trust this thing. TALIESIN: I don’t think it matters where the sword is at all. TRAVIS: Maybe. Can I try and focus on the sword? I close my eyes, put both hands on the hilt, and just concentrate on it real hard? (laughter) MATT: Sword of Sea Eye, give me sight beyond sight. Go ahead and make an intelligence check. Just a straight roll with your intelligence modifier. TRAVIS: Oh. That’s a ten. MATT: Ten. You grab it and you focus, and you focus, and much like an element of the dreams you’ve had and the spells that you pull from whatever this agreement you’ve made with this entity may have been, you can feel that thread connection from you to something beyond your hemisphere. It’s like that sensation of someone looking at you, and you just know someone’s looking at you, and you turn to look and there’s nobody’s there? It’s like that, all the time, right now. But, you can’t read more than that. TALIESIN: Perhaps, I think, may I? TRAVIS: Don’t take any offense, but no. I make it disappear. TALIESIN: Something from the deep is in that. I don’t know. It reminds me of something. TRAVIS: Yeah. Me too. I’m just not sure what. Please, I only confided in you because I feel like the strange is your ballpark. TALIESIN: I’ll keep an eye, and no matter what, keeping each other safe, it’s what we do. It’s what you do when you got a group of people. TRAVIS: Agreed. TALIESIN: We’ll keep you safe. TRAVIS: I appreciate it, Molly. I’ll turn in. TALIESIN: I’ll probably be up for an hour, then I’ll turn in. MATT: Okay. As we go to rest for the evening, let’s go ahead and make this our break! So, we’ll come back here in just a few minutes to pick up the story for the next leg of your journey. In the meantime, guys, enjoy these next few minutes. Enjoy the videos and chaos in between. We’ll see you here shortly. [break] MATT: Welcome back, everybody. Let’s go ahead and dive back in. As you all come to consciousness the following morning, a much more comfortable sleep than that you had at the Keystone Pub, you gather your things. Upstairs, there are a few more patrons in the process of waking up since there is not a meal provided for sleeping here. They are just getting out the grogginess, having some coffee, some of them having some hair of the dog, and they all go about their business. What do you want to do with your day? LAURA: We have to go to that shop, Molly. TALIESIN: Let’s go to the shop, everybody. Anybody wants to go shopping can go shopping. Anybody else wants to wrangle up the cart? ASHLEY: Yeah, I’ll go with you guys. TRAVIS: I’ll tell Uma to go collect the cart and horses from the– LAURA: You have to pay her to do it too. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’ll pay her. MATT: Okay. She goes, “To pick up your money at the stables, you say, on the docks, how can I "assure them that I’m allowed to do so if I did not check them in?” MARISHA: It is what you said! TALIESIN: We need a valet ticket. MARISHA: We do need a valet ticket. Did we get a valet ticket? SAM: I don’t think that we did. LAURA: I write a valet ticket really fast. Here you go! That’s– MATT: You forge it? LAURA: Yep. MATT: You have a forgery kit? LAURA: I do. TRAVIS: We’re not going to forge– TALIESIN: As much as I’m kind of into this– MARISHA: Look, if we don’t have one, you have to pay full price if you lose it. TRAVIS: Or we just kill them. I’ll go down and get it myself. LAURA: But you might have to go– TRAVIS: And then I’ll kill them. ASHLEY: You know what? I’m going to go with Fjord to get the cart. TALIESIN: Why don’t you all meet us at the– get the cart and you’ll meet us at the apothecary. ASHLEY: Okay. Just in case you need backup. If we need to kill them, we can. TRAVIS: Yeah. MATT: All right. You guys go ahead and head off. You gather the cart, easy enough to do. You gather your supplies, they’re all good to go. You guys are heading towards the Fungal Fount? LAURA: We are! SAM: Get a lot of healing potions! Oh, are we all going? MARISHA: Yeah, the rest of us. LIAM: No, I want to go for a walk on the edge of town for something. MARISHA: Hey, will you take Kiri with you? LIAM: Yeah, of course. MARISHA: All right. SAM: You want me to come as well? LIAM: Yeah, of course! SAM: Get a lot of healing potions! LAURA: I’m going to! SAM: Okay. TALIESIN: Meet us at the apothecary. MATT: Kiri pipes up. She says, (as Jester) “Get into trouble.” LIAM: No, we are not going to get in trouble. MATT: (as Jester) “Get into trouble.” LIAM: Nein! MATT: (cooing) LIAM: Nein. MARISHA: Oh my god, that’s so cute. LIAM: Be good. Just going on a stroll, ja? We’re not going to kill anything, you’re not going to, you know. Just taking a walk. MATT: (as Caleb) “You know. Okay!” LIAM: You are pretty cute. Come on. MATT: Turns to Nott as you guys walk off. (whispers) “Wrapped around his weenie!” (laughter) MATT: You continue making your way to the edge of the swamp. The two of you– MARISHA: She’s our new brand mascot. MATT: You guys make your way to the Fungal Fount. The doorway is partially ajar. It is open. MARISHA: As we walk there, I, to the rest of these four, three, say– no! You’re not there. To these two, say, all right, guys. Real talk. What are we going to do with Kiri? TALIESIN: I’ve been thinking about that. MARISHA: We can’t keep her with us. LAURA: Why not? MARISHA: She’s going to die. TALIESIN: In front of you. MARISHA: Bloody. Horribly. Brutally. LAURA: Oh, man. MARISHA: You’re going to be real sad about it. So we got to let her go. LAURA: We can’t just let her go! MARISHA: No, we can’t let her go. But I’m saying we have to let her go from our group. Somewhere safe. LAURA: What if I try to get a hold of her parents or something? MARISHA: Can you do that? Do you need to know who her parents are? TRAVIS: Aren’t they dead? MARISHA: No, they got separated. But we don’t know yet. TALIESIN: But we have a map and maybe she can show us on the map where she thinks she needs to go? LAURA: We can’t just– what are we going to do? Just send her on her way by herself? TALIESIN: No! I didn’t say that. I said if we know which direction she needs to head, we can figure out possibly if we can get her there. LAURA: Okay. MARISHA: I think we need to get her out of this swamp, because this place is terrible. And I wouldn’t want to live here. TALIESIN: No one should live here. MARISHA: I’m not going to subject a poor little child bird to that. TALIESIN: She does drink a lot and occasionally seem interested in eating human flesh. I’m not entirely– well, that’s a subject for another day. MARISHA: You’re right! She could grow up and run this town. LAURA: She could be like her own Gentleman. MARISHA: Oh my god, she’s her own mob boss. LAURA: (gasps) I hope so. MARISHA: I like that. I have high hopes for her. Yeah. LAURA: Maybe I can talk to her and have her write down exactly what her parents look like or something and I can try to send a message to them? MARISHA: Okay. I think that’d be good. We’ll start there. Put a pin in this for now. TRAVIS: Just draw some birds. LAURA: They’re birds. TALIESIN: Birds. You know, there’s a bird in a bonnet and another one smoking a pipe. That’s all I really– (coos) Just think about that. Yeah. MATT: You guys make your way into the Fungal Fount, and there you see, waiting anxiously, there’s the sallow dwarf sitting in a small chair in the corner going, “Ah, so, where is the heart? Did you "bring it?” LAURA: Right here. MATT: “Right, okay. So I’ve been working on something for you based on what you requested and "I have these.” He puts these two vials on the table. One of them is a healing potion, larger than the basic kind. The other is a sky blue color, and as he sets it on the table, as soon as it impacts, there’s a flash and you see some sparkles kind of going (energy crackling) through it before it settles. And he goes, “I’m going to be honest, not entirely certain the extent of what this is. "It protects you from something. I know the basis of it is insulation.” LAURA: What’s the gold stuff in there? MATT: “I do not see what you mean.” LAURA: What’s the stuff that swirled around when you put it on the table? MATT: He taps it again and (energy crackling). It looks like a spark. LAURA: What is that? MATT: “I don’t know. But I bet it’s interesting.” TALIESIN: If we knew the name of everything we put down our gullet, there would be no fun, ever, any time. I’m very excited. SAM: It’s riboflavin. LAURA: What else? MATT: “I will trade these and put a topper of 50 gold pieces.” TALIESIN: I’m all right with this. LAURA: I think that sounds like a pretty cool deal. TALIESIN: I’m into it, yeah. MARISHA: I’ll throw in for it. I’ll throw in 25 gold. LAURA: Wait, no. Beau, no. He’s paying us. MARISHA: Oh, I mean– TRAVIS: Holy shit. MARISHA: I’m pulling a Grog. MATT: You’re totally pulling a Grog! MARISHA: I thought you said it was going to cost an extra 50 on top. I’m sorry. Yeah, give us that money. MATT: “All right. If you don’t mind–” MARISHA: Deal! MATT: He grabs the leather and carefully moves it off the table and puts it in a small chest, closes it. Goes and counts out 50 gold pieces, shoves it your way and goes, “Thank you for your patronage.” TALIESIN: So if we were to take that 50 and possibly spend it on something in this shop, is there anything that we should take a look at? MATT: “Depends on what you’re looking for. I have various balms and salves to help with headaches, "wounds that are festering. Some that help with helping your manhood come to light, some that help "you with sleeping if you’re having insomnia–” MARISHA: What’s the manhood thing? TRAVIS and SAM: Oh, boy. LAURA: They help you– sometimes guys have problems with the (tongue click) and then there’s potions that can help with that. MARISHA: Ah. LAURA: My mom said. TALIESIN: I’m curious about the sleeping thing you have, and again, anything you’re particularly proud of. LAURA: I’m going to look around the store. TALIESIN: I’m always excited for a surprise. MATT: Essentially, over about five minutes of him showing you around, they’re mostly general herbal remedies for day to day ailing elements. It looks like all the special stuff that he had at his disposal went into those potions. Everything else has been general helping, like melatonin. Things that help you a little bit. TALIESIN: I’ll take some sleep aids and whatever helps you sleep. Some sleepy tea or whatever. Anything like that. MATT: “All right. That’s five silver for ten doses.” SAM: (whispering) Get the manhood thing. TALIESIN: You buy your own issue. Whatever you’ve got a problem with, you can buy it yourself. This is not where my coin is going. And anything that smells nice, just whatever. MATT: “There are some lavender oils I would recommend to you. Here it is. I hope you like it. "It’s quite nice.” He rubs some on his wrist. “Yes.” TALIESIN: How much for the whole deal? MATT: “For the oils and your sleeping, I’ll put it around– I’ll say seven silver pieces.” TALIESIN: Can you do change? One gold? MATT: “I can.” He gives you three silver back. TALIESIN: Thank you. (whispering and giggling) MARISHA: We’re having our own story over here. TALIESIN: I’m aware. I’m ignoring it. MATT: You guys finish up there. TALIESIN: I’m fine. I’m going to put it in my additional notes right now. MATT: Okay. You guys are heading off to the edge of the swamp with Kiri. LIAM: This is so silly. I’m looking for a good stone. SAM: What kind of a stone? A big stone? A skipping stone? LIAM: No. Something with a little bit of heft to it. SAM: Do you need it for a spell? LIAM: Not exactly. I don’t really have anything specific. I guess I’ll know it when I see it. Something about yea big. You know, my father used to tell me that if a stone had a ring around it all the way, it was lucky. SAM: If a stone had a ring around it? LIAM: Yeah, like a natural formation, a coloration, right? It doesn’t matter, though. I start looking for a stone. SAM: Kiri, help us look for a stone. LIAM: A good one. SAM: I’ll look with him. MATT: (chirping) Make an investigation check, one of you with advantage, if you’re aiding the other. LIAM: I will make the check with your help, if that’s okay. MATT: Sure. LIAM: Okay. That is a 13. MARISHA: With advantage. LIAM: Oh. That is a 14. MATT: All right. What particularly are you looking for? LIAM: A stone about as large as a malformed baseball, I suppose. MATT: Okay. It takes you upwards of ten minutes, not very long, until you find one that’s roughly that size. It’s not perfectly spherical. It’s got its imperfections, but it’s pretty smooth. LIAM: Is there a ring around it? MATT: I’ll say there’s a very faint ring around it, sure. LIAM: That’s a lucky rock. SAM: What will you use it for? LIAM: I’m not sure, exactly. I have some ideas. MARISHA: Murdering people in their sleep. SAM: You know, Caleb, I never told you this before, but when we met that dragon lady– Carrie? Kaylie? Kali? LIAM: Cali. SAM: Cali? That’s a lot of K’s. She gave me this scroll of Invisibility. I’ve been hanging onto it, but I didn’t know if you wanted to look at it and maybe learn from it, or something? LIAM: I mean, does an armored bear shit in the woods? Oh yeah, I want to see it! Let me see it. SAM: Here, here, yes. I didn’t want the others to see it, just in case. LIAM: Ooh, that’s a good one. Ja. SAM: Do you want it? Can you learn that now? LIAM: I mean, I could use it right now, but that seems detrimental. If I had proper funding and materials, but maybe later. I’m going to keep it safe, for the moment. SAM: Great. Also, I’m so sorry that I got you in trouble with Beau for the whole bowl incident. I didn’t realize that she was going to freak out on you like that. LIAM: Neither did I, but we’re figuring it out. SAM: You took a walk with her. Was that okay? Was it awkward? LIAM: Ja, that was fine. She’s probably a good egg. SAM: I think so, too. In her weird, sort of stoic way, she seems to care about you. LIAM: Yeah, she’s a prickly pear, but she’s not a bad person. SAM: Do you think she was dropped on her head or something? She’s very sort of, you know– (grunting). You know what I mean? (grunting) LIAM: I think you and I are a little “Eh,” in our own particular way. SAM: Yeah. Yeah, that’s true. LIAM: I mean, she’s abrasive, but that has its uses. Right tool for the right job. Right Kiri? MATT: (as Jester) “Go fuck yourself!” (laughter) LIAM: Kiri knows what I’m talking about. MATT: (chirping) LIAM: You’re good? You’re still good? SAM: I’m very good. Yes. LIAM: Things are looking up, I think. SAM: Things are looking up and, you know, earlier you said that I could come talk to you whenever I want, and thank you for that. That makes me feel very good. Yeza was his name. The halfling man. Before. That’s all. I just wanted to say his name out loud. It’s been a while. LIAM: That’s a good name. Names are important. SAM: Yeah. But you got your rock! LIAM: Got my rock. SAM: All right. Let’s rock out. LIAM: Kiri, come on. LAURA: Before we leave, or as we’re leaving the store, I want to say: Molly, stay inside for a little bit, okay? And keep talking to the guy, okay? For just a minute. TALIESIN: All right. LAURA: I’m going to use my paint, and I’m going to change the sign to “The Fungal Fart.” (laughter) MATT: All righty. Make a sleight of hand check, if you don’t mind. I’ll give you advantage if you manage to succeed on a deception check. TALIESIN: All right. What are you going to do with that heart anyway? MATT: “Well, I have many possible uses. I could extract all sorts of–” TALIESIN: That’s a seven. MATT: So just make a roll. LAURA: Ooh. 20! MATT: With a quick flourish, you complete a fairly accurate recreation of the font utilized, in its glorious Papyrus, without him noticing from behind the door. With that, you go and complete your conversation. The rest of you meet up just as you hear the clomping of horse hooves. All of you gather in the center of the Puddles. The clomping is this splashing as there’s still two inches of water in this section of Berleben. (wet clomping) MARISHA: Ugh. I think I’m getting athlete’s foot from all the moisture in my shoes from this place. LAURA: I can heal that. MARISHA: Really? It’s so itchy. TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s called “jungle rot.” MARISHA: Ugh. Really? LAURA: Hey, you’ve got our stuff! TRAVIS: Whose stuff? TALIESIN: Is everything relatively all right on the cart? Doesn’t look like it’s been– MATT: You guys take a moment to look through. Everything’s intact. ASHLEY: We had to kill them all, but we got it. TRAVIS: Yeah. Yasha was surprisingly effective. LAURA: That’s not surprising. TALIESIN: I trust you. It’s the only way to be sure. MATT: Kiri comes up. (like Caleb) “She’s probably a good egg.” MARISHA: What does that mean? SAM: She could’ve learned that from anyone. Anyone with a mildly Zemnian accent. MATT: (like Nott) “Yeza was his name. The halfling man. From before.” (laughter) SAM: Shut up! Shut up, Kiri! MATT: (like Nott) “Shut up! Shut up, Kiri! Shut up!” LAURA: Yeza? MATT: (like Nott) “Yeza.” LAURA: Was he the halfling guy? TRAVIS: Did you say “Yeza,” Kiri? MATT: (like Nott) “Yeza was his name. The halfling man. From before.” LIAM: The gimp we were joking about under the floor of that place. LAURA: Aw. SAM: Aw what?! Don’t look at– I’m turning green! MATT: All right. You guys gather your things, get back onto your cart and your horses, and head southward, exiting Berleben, leaving this swamp town behind, hopefully for good. Making your way back onto the road. Which direction are you going? You have a map. MARISHA: Where’s the map? SAM: Northeast. TRAVIS: Northeast to Shadycreek Run. LAURA: While everyone’s figuring it out– SAM: Wait, we have to go around Hupperdook. LAURA: Hupperdook! MATT: You guys heading to Hupperdook on the way? MARISHA: Or we can go through Hupperdook. SAM: There’s a ridge line there, right? There’s mountains? MATT: Those are high mountains. SAM: Silberquel Ridge? MATT: The Silberquel Ridge is a very high series of mountains. SAM: We would have to have to go around it– LAURA: So we’d pass by Hupperdook. MATT: There are roads, or there is cutting through the open fields and nature. That’s your choice to make. Looking at the map here. TALIESIN: We have some weights to put down. SAM: So we have to go around these mountains. We can either go to the east past Hupperdook. Because we’re going to Nogvurot, right, up there? MATT: You guys are heading this direction. As far as you know, Shadycreek, which is over here in the corner– SAM and LIAM: Shittycreek. TALIESIN: But there seems to be the crossroads up there. There seems to be a path through the forest– SAM: We could go around Hupperdook way, or we could go Rexxentrum way. TALIESIN: I think we go Rexxentrum, just because there’s an army marching that direction. LAURA: But Rexxentrum is the capital. LIAM: That place is very busy. LAURA: We should probably stay clear and go to Hupperdook. SAM: You’ve been up there, haven’t you, Caleb? LIAM: Yeah, but there’s a war brewing, and that place is the center of it all. SAM: But you might know some folks who could help us. ASHLEY: That man Trent Ikithon or whatever is in Rexxentrum. LAURA: That Trent guy? ASHLEY: Yeah, that Trent guy. MARISHA: Wait, is in where? Rexxentrum? ASHLEY: Yeah, don’t you remember? When we talked to him he said if we wanted to meet up with him to talk more, he was in Rexxentrum. LIAM: I thought we were on a timetable to get these things done for the Gentleman. TRAVIS: And we’re trying to be sly. We want to avoid eyes. LAURA: Tell you what, we’ll go Hupperdook on the way up, and then we can do Rexxentrum on the way back. MARISHA: I’m just going to say, I’ve heard some pretty crazy stories through the grapevine about what goes on in Hupperdook. SAM: What goes on in Hupperdook? TALIESIN: I don’t believe you’ve ever heard a crazy story about anything happening anywhere. MARISHA: Are you challenging me? TALIESIN: I’m challenging you for details. MARISHA: So, all right. City’s got a lot of gnomes, and they’re filled with industry, and they work all the time. But at night, they party. LAURA: Gnome parties. MARISHA: Work hard, party hard. It’s what that city’s all about. LAURA: And they live in mushroom houses. MARISHA: I don’t know about the mushroom houses thing, but I’ve heard some crazy– they have ragers every night. ASHLEY: I’ve heard gnome parties are the craziest kind. SAM: Are you making this up? MARISHA: No. Not at all. LAURA: Insight check! MATT: Make an insight check, both of you. SAM: 18. LAURA: 13. MATT: As far as she’s aware, she’s telling the truth. LAURA: That’s amazing. MARISHA: I’m just saying, I’ve had some shady friends. LIAM: Ain’t no party like a Hupperdook party. MARISHA: I’ve had some shady friends. TRAVIS: Hupperdook it is. SAM: Let’s “dook” it up. MARISHA: I think they have one of the highest imports and exports for illicit substances. I don’t know. That’s just what I’ve heard. SAM: Okay, let’s go. TRAVIS: Let’s get it started. MATT: You guys are making your way along the Rillway Road eastward from Berleben, heading from here along Rillway. Heading past north of Felderwin, hitting the Felderwin Tillage, and then there’s a crossroads that leads to the northern Gravelway Path. SAM: We’re going that far– MATT: If you’re following the roads. If you guys are cutting away from the roads and going through the rough open fields, that can be done. LAURA: We have a carriage, let’s stay on the roads. MATT: Via road, it’s about 110 miles to the crosswo– crossroads, and then 120 miles along the Gravelway Path. MARISHA: To hewe? To the cwosswoads? MATT: It’s about a week’s worth of travel to get to Hupperdook from where you are. MARISHA: What’s in the cwosswoads? MATT: You’ll find out when you get there. You haven’t traveled there before. MARISHA: Is it a village? We don’t know. SAM: I’ve been there, haven’t I? MATT: You may have been there, actually. The crossroads, from what your experience is, folks who are making long travels stop there and might set up shop for a day or two to sell or trade whatever wares they have before they continue on the rest of their journey. And people from Felderwin and the Felderwin Tillage head up there sometimes to set up shop if there are people that are traveling through. LAURA: Like a flea market town. MATT: Kind of. It’s less a town, it’s maybe a handful of anywhere from four to 20 tents depending on what time of year it is. LAURA: It’s an outlet, outside of town. MATT: It’s a fantasy outlet. SAM: Cabazon! MARISHA: Yes! LAURA: I bet I can get 300 gold worth of diamonds for way less. SAM: We need that! And our money exchange. LAURA: Which, by the way, I want to talk to you guys. Here’s the thing; this spell that I have takes diamonds, in order to bring you back to life. I don’t have enough gold to buy all these diamonds for everybody, so– LIAM: So you’re asking if we would like to pool our resources for a handful of these diamonds for a perilous situation? LAURA: Well, yeah. Or if you want to be selfish about it, you can buy your own diamonds and then I’ll use those for you. TRAVIS: How big do these diamonds have to be, like little suckers? LAURA: Doesn’t matter, it’s just 300 gold worth of diamonds, but they’re going to be gone if you die. TRAVIS: That’s a significant diamond. MARISHA: How do you know which diamonds are our diamonds? LAURA: You keep your diamonds on you. MARISHA: But don’t you need them for the spell? Do we have a specific diamond pocket that, if we go down, you go in our diamond pocket? LAURA: Yeah! SAM: She’s got to hold all the diamonds. LAURA: No! You have your own diamond pocket and then when I save you, it’ll be like– SAM: We’re each going to have a pocket of 300 gold– LIAM: I would rather you, as an accomplished healer, knew where the diamonds were on your person and got them lickety-split rather than you looking through my 32 pockets to find the diamonds. LAURA: Sounds good to me. LIAM: But yeah, I agree with you that we should pool our resources, that is a good idea. MARISHA: And whenever we steal jewelry off of people, maybe we keep it instead of selling it. LAURA: We just pop out the diamonds! We can still keep ruby jewelry and emerald jewelry– SAM: I will look for diamonds. ASHLEY: That’s all you need is diamonds? LAURA: Just diamonds. MARISHA: Do you have any spells that use rubies or emeralds? What about you, Caleb? LIAM: This is a little diamond I use for that one thing I do. MARISHA: But this doesn’t go away? LIAM: No, this one I spin it and surround it with arcane energy, and no, it does not go away. LAURA: What’s that about? How come he gets to keep his? SAM: Are you talking to the Traveler right now? LIAM: It’s a very studied practice; I spent years learning how to do it. SAM: He’s extremely smart. TALIESIN: What’s the Traveler doing up there? LAURA: Well, maybe he can fly, I don’t know! Sometimes he’s invisible, could it be he’s flying next to me? I don’t know! LIAM: Could you let her keep the diamonds? LAURA: Could we maybe keep the diamonds? MARISHA: Could you teach her how to do the spinny thing? TALIESIN: Could someone keep their eyes on the road as we’re moving forward? SAM: Let’s go! MARISHA: The Traveler is my co-pilot, it’s okay. He’s leading the way. LIAM: Traveler take the wheel. MARISHA and TRAVIS: (singing) Traveler take the wheel! MATT: Oh my god, guys. LAURA: While we’re going, I need to sit next to Kiri, and I’m going to pull out my sketchbook, and I’m going to ask her to write down everything she can think of about her mom and dad, and draw a little picture of them, because I’m going to try to do Sending for her mom and dad. MATT: Okay. She draws the best she can. Her drawings are rudimentary, but functional. You see two blackbird parents in somewhat geometric clothing. LAURA: That’s about how I pictured them. MARISHA: It’s American Gothic, but as birds. MATT: Basically. Best you can tell from what she writes down and communicates with you via the book, they were traveling from the east, heading west. LAURA: So they were going the opposite direction that we are. MATT: They are, yeah. LAURA: That sucks. MATT: You guys make your way out of Labenda Swamp, heading southward across the bridge past the river that breaks from the Ounterloch heading south. LIAM: Just a minor thing. While we’re traveling, I’m going to use my minor alchemy to turn a ring of the wood in the cart– I’m sitting criss-cross applesauce– and I make a ring of copper in the bottom of the wagon and place this stone in it. I place both hands on the side of the stone and I’m trying to channel my knowledge and ability into it. I’m futzing with it, that’s it. LAURA: I take a little paintbrush and I draw a smiley face on the rock. LIAM: I slap her hand. MATT: Because this is a longer journey, I’m not going to drag us through every single stage of it. But there are some elements that can happen during this journey. TALIESIN: You have died of dysentery. MATT: Yes, exactly. MARISHA: Did we ever find anything out about the Sending thing? How did that go? That’s what I want to know about first. MATT: Unfortunately, given the lack of details, lack of information– SAM: The fact that they can’t speak. TALIESIN: At some point, we want to pull out the map and show it to Kiri and see if she can point to anything on the map. LAURA: They’re not dead! TRAVIS: We’re going to get this fucking bird killed, y'all. I’m just saying. MARISHA: This bird’s going to die. MATT: The Sending spell isn’t able to connect with anybody, unfortunately, but you tried. First day of travel comes to a close; you reach the river. Actually, you don’t quite reach the river, you almost do. First night’s rest happens. For expediency, who wants to make the perception check for the evening’s rest? TRAVIS: I’ll do it. LIAM: I will also do it. MATT: Both individually? LIAM: I will do it individually. MATT: Both of you guys roll. LAURA: I like how this is like Final Fantasy traveling. TRAVIS: 16. LIAM: Ooh, I got a five. MATT: That’s better. For the evening’s rest– taking your breaks, keeping watch throughout the night– no incident. At one moment, there is a shifting of movement in the distance. Fjord, you go and check, and there is a family of foxes that are making their way through the field southward away as it gets colder. They’re starting to move southward, and you spook them off to get away from the traps. TRAVIS: Scat! MATT: The next morning, you guys get yourselves back up into the cart and continue on further. You pass beyond the river and start making your way towards the crossroads before your second day comes to completion. Who’s going to keep watch the next evening? All right, make the roll, guys. TALIESIN: Do you want advantage? LAURA: Let’s roll individual ones. TALIESIN: Individually. 20. LAURA: Oh, 17. MATT: Keeping watch throughout the evening, thankfully, no issues happen. You manage to keep watch, evening goes without issue. Your rest is fine, and you continue onto your third day of travel. Along the way, you do finally reach the crossroads here. As you come upon the area, you see where the road diverges. It continues in a southward curve and then a road that very starkly turns left and heads in a northeastern direction. There are a series of wooden signs up, and you do see three tents of varying sizes. There is a blue and white striped tent, a white tent, and a faded green one. A couple of carts are stopped off to the side, and some folks are looking in there. It looks like a very small merchant setup there, but if you were to inquire, you could see what’s available. LIAM: Wait a second. I send Frumpkin skittering off in that direction. As he’s leaving, I say, “Rub against some ankles. And listen.” MARISHA: Who are you talking to? Are you talking to me? SAM: I think he’s talking to the cat. MARISHA: Okay. LAURA: That would be funny. MARISHA: That would be weird if I walked up to you and said, “Did you want me to rub his ankles?” SAM: No, sometimes when he stares at you and doesn’t say anything, he is talking to you, though. So that’s a fair question. MARISHA: No, I’ve noticed that. TALIESIN: Have you ever actually tried rubbing his ankles when he says that? MARISHA: Can he still hear us, or can he only hear the cat? SAM: He only can hear the cat, but he can feel you, so poke him if you feel– MARISHA: Okay. What if I poke his ankles? SAM: That would be weird. MATT: Frumpkin listens about, and there are folks asking and trying to haggle prices. You get the sense that one of them, as Frumpkin looks up, has a small selection of fruits, some looking more tropical, probably further south-sourced, brighter oranges and yellow in color, some with vibrant green leaves. LAURA: Pineapple! SAM: Durian! MATT: The white tent goes by, has more of a general goods feel. There are tools, repair kits for travel. You see some bolts, two crossbows in the back wall, all sorts of general tools. It looks to be a general store and some basic means to defend oneself when on the road. LIAM: Any books? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: Any books, 13? MATT: No books. The green one appears to be mainly furs and leathers, some that are tanning on the outside, as well as bone jewelry made of teeth and bone of hunted animals. MARISHA: That’s cool. You guys know tents. SAM: We also need some warm clothes. Winter’s coming. TALIESIN: Some tents would be a great idea. LIAM: To justify all of this, he’s been muttering everything he sees. Bones, bone necklaces, pineapples. MARISHA: I want a bone necklace, but do you guys recognize any of these tent colors? SAM: I recognize the color green and white. TALIESIN: I generally don’t actually care about the theme of any city that I’m in because I’ve never bothered to learn. Does any of this look familiar before? Do I recognize any of these people? MATT: If you start walking and glancing through? No. They’re all various travelers. No one has crossed your path before, nobody of significance to your previous experience, no. MARISHA: I want some bone jewelry! I walk off that way. TALIESIN: I think we’re going to need some general goods. I’ve got some ideas of some stuff we could use on the road. MARISHA: Yeah, you mentioned the tent thing. That’s not a bad idea. TALIESIN: We should have some tents. MATT: You head to the green tent, those who are going, to the one that has the bone jewelry. There is a human woman there, dark, weathered skin, leather and fur over her shoulders. She’s currently talking with somebody, and as you approach, “Terribly sorry. If you’re looking for "furs, bones, or leathers, look around. Feel free to ask. I will tell you what we are selling for.” MARISHA: Do you have any bracelets? A goblin took my jade one. MATT: “That’s unfortunate, but we do.” She turns around and there’s a few strips of leather that are rough on the edges but functional. One of them has a fur inlay, so it feels comfortable on the wrist. “I’ve made these myself.” MARISHA: Fjord, does this look like a little much? This feels like it doesn’t go with my outfit. TRAVIS: Are they thick or thin bones? MARISHA: Yeah, does it feel out of place? MATT: These are leather. MARISHA: Oh, it’s just leather? MATT: The wristband that she has is leather, yeah. LAURA: If you got a thicker cloak, it would look real good with it. MATT: Are you looking for bone in particular? MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: There is bone jewelry. There’s a bone choker that’s a series of finger bones that are lined end to end that goes around the neck, there’s one that can go on the wrist, looks like there’s a necklace that has a bunch of various canine teeth– not necessarily from a canine, but sharp teeth from some sort of creature. MARISHA: Where do these bones come from? MATT: “Oh, most of these were taken from various wolves, dire in nature.” MARISHA: Volves? MATT: “Wolves.” MARISHA: Wolves, wolves. MATT: “These are from the Zemni Fields, near Icehaven is where I hail. It’s a very hunter-trapper community up there. I bring the goods to sell this far south.” TRAVIS: Very impressive. LIAM: Frumpkin comes around a corner and Caleb sees that the entire party has left him in the cart, snaps out of it and scrabbles out, and starts hustling over that way. LAURA: Do you buy stuff as well, or do you only sell stuff? MATT: “Mainly meant only to sell, but if you have something worth buying, do present, please. I’m "curious.” LAURA: I’ve got a gator skin. MATT: She takes it. By the way, the gator skin is not tanned. It’s not cured. It is fucking nasty. As you pull it out of your haversack, it’s dripping with congealed blood. Flies immediately start gathering and she’s like, “Ugh.” LAURA: Super fresh! MATT: “I can tell. Not interested, sorry.” LAURA: We should probably tan this. I leave the tent. MARISHA: I buy the bone bracelet, throw her money, and say: thanks! And walk off. MATT: Okay, you didn’t ask how much it was. MARISHA: No. MATT: The bone bracelet runs you two gold. It’s not that expensive. MARISHA: Here. SAM: I disguise myself as a gnome, go in, and buy warm clothes. MATT: Okay. For the set of warm clothes, which is heavy leathers and fur that you can throw over, a leather cloak as well that you can bundle up in, and it straps over and buckles multiple times across the way. For you, it runs past your legs, almost, so you’d have to trim it up a bit, but that one will run you three gold pieces. SAM: Okay, done. TALIESIN: I want to hit the general store. MATT: As you approach the white tent, you see a female halfling there who is wearing a leather apron that has some tools tucked in there. There’s nobody currently at the station, so as you approach, she looks out to you. She has frizzy brown hair with some gray ones that are starting to sprout from the outside that’s pulled back and held in this giant poof of a ponytail. She looks out toward you and points and goes, “Oh, hello! Looking to buy something?” TALIESIN: Actually, I am. How fascinating that you caught me right in the moment where I’m ready to spend money. MATT: “Oh, great. What are you looking for?” TALIESIN: Well, I’ve got a couple problems. MATT: “Problems? I have, possibly, some solutions.” TALIESIN: I’ve got a cart that keeps breaking down on me. MATT: “That’s a problem.” TALIESIN: If you’ve got a kit for something like that. Also, I was thinking about maybe putting some canvas on top of it, giving it a little bit of safety from the elements. I think I’m going to need at least four tents. I’ve recently come into a bunch of new companions and they really didn’t have what’s necessary to make our way through these wonderful, wonderful roads. MATT: “Tents, tents I can do. Two gold per tent. We have five ready. If you need four, throwing those all together if you’re buying a tent–” TALIESIN: Four’ll do it. MARISHA: How big are they? Are they four-person sleepers? MATT: They’re two-person tents each. TALIESIN: Actually, I’ll get five tents. MATT: “Five two-person tents. You’re buying me out. That’s ten gold, my friend.” TALIESIN: That’s perfect. MATT: Passes them over. They’re all rolled up and ready to go. “As far as repair kits go, these are "a little pricier. If you’re looking specifically for cart repairs, one kit I can sell to you for, "say, 25 gold pieces. That contains all that you’d require for any on-the-road going: wheel repairs, "your axle, equipment for keeping your horses attached to your cart.” TALIESIN: You wouldn’t happen to have any raw canvas I could use to possibly put a bit of a pup tent? MATT: “Raw canvas I can do, but beyond that, the rest of it’s up to you.” TALIESIN: I’ll take the repair kit. MATT: “25 gold for that.” TALIESIN: And however much basic supplies to put this together, and I’ll figure out how handy I am on the road. MATT: “All right. Rolled canvas here, I’ve got about 20 square feet of rolled canvas. Will that do?” TALIESIN: Will that do? MATT: Will it do? TALIESIN: Hmm. I’m used to yards. MARISHA: 20 square foot is pretty big. TALIESIN: If nothing goes wrong, it should work. Is it waxed and reasonable? MATT: “Reasonable. It’s weather-resistant.” TALIESIN: All right, we’ll just have to make a little– MARISHA: A little bubble? LAURA: Are we trying to do a covered wagon? TALIESIN: We’re trying to do a covered wagon. MATT: “For the treated canvas, if you’re taking the whole bolt, that’s going to be five gold.” TALIESIN: So we’re at 30 gold now. MATT: “30 gold, and with the tents, that puts it at 40 gold.” TALIESIN: 40 gold. All right, we’ve got the tents, we’ve got the canvas, and then just a little bit of lumber to put this whole thing together and that ought to do it. MATT: “Define ‘little bit of lumber.’ For the structure?” TALIESIN: Yeah, covered wagon-worth. MATT: “I don’t have much in the way of lumber. I have a few–” TALIESIN: Do you have bamboo? Whatever you have. MATT: There’s no bamboo. There are wood slats, but no super-long pieces that could be curved over. TALIESIN: All right, at the very least we can fake something for now. That’s fair. What’s my total right now? MATT: “40 gold.” TALIESIN: I could do 35. MATT: Make a persuasion check. TALIESIN: That’s a nine! That’s nice. MATT: “The days grow colder, friend. Unfortunately, I’ve got to make ends meet.” TALIESIN: Can’t argue. 40 gold. MATT: “40 gold. Fantastic, thank you.” MARISHA: I toss Percy ten gold to reimburse him a little bit. LIAM: Oh, you did it again! That’s not Percy. TALIESIN: Two! I got two. One more and I get a free sandwich. Is that 40 total? MATT: 40 total. MARISHA: Was it Percy the time before too? TRAVIS: Stop saying it, stop saying the name. LAURA: No, keep saying it, maybe he’ll start rolling better. LIAM: He’s got his head shoved up the ass of a clock right now, leave him be. TALIESIN: That was a savage burn. Ugh. MATT: Anything else you guys need? LAURA: I’m heading back to the cart, spreading out the leather hides, and making them dry out. LIAM: Yeah, what is Fjord doing right now? MATT: What is Fjord doing right now? TRAVIS: He’s fucking bored out of his fucking shopping mind. (laughter) LIAM: I see that. TRAVIS: He’s holding an invisible phone, scrolling social media. MATT: Checking Tinderbox? TRAVIS: Any sweet half-orc around here? LIAM: You look bored out of your mind. TRAVIS: Yeah, I’m not much of a shopper. LIAM: Same, same. Me either. So far, so good, though, right? TRAVIS: Yeah, it’s been without incident, which is what we want. LIAM: I mean the lot of it. We’ve been together for weeks, now. TRAVIS: Oh. Yeah. LIAM: There’s been some friction, but we’re still here. TRAVIS: Yeah. Nothing we can’t overcome. Everything’s got its little bumps and growing pains, and I think we’ve had ours. You and Beau seemed to make up nice. LIAM: Oh, hell, that was nothing to when you held a blade to my throat. But we’re making it work. TRAVIS: Indeed we are. LIAM: You’re a good guy, I think. TRAVIS: Yeah, I think so too. LIAM: What does he look like when I say that? MATT: What do you look like when– TRAVIS: He smiles at you. LIAM: No, I know what your face looks like. What does it mean? Double rainbow, what does it mean? TRAVIS: It’s a pleasant smile. LIAM: Okay. SAM: Caleb, Caleb! They have rambutan, they have lychee, they have jackfruit, they have all sorts of different fruits. TRAVIS: What did you just say? SAM: They have all kinds! TRAVIS: What’s a lychee? SAM: It’s a white little– it’s got a big seed, it’s white, it’s sort of citrus-y, it’s really good. You can put it in liquor. LIAM: I am from the north. We have Brot, tomatoes, and cheese and that’s it. SAM: They may have tomatillo, I don’t know. LIAM: What? SAM: It’s really exotic stuff. LIAM: Well, you teach me. Good talk. Okay, show me what you’re talking about. SAM: Come, come. Do I recognize anyone in any of these tents? MATT: No. You do not. LIAM: That’s a dirty picture! LAURA: No it’s not, it’s a ballerina. LIAM: No, that’s a dirty picture. MATT: Anything else you guys wish to do? Or do you move on? Okay. With your supplies gathered, you load up back into your cart, and now shifting over to where you see the signs. The directions show: NW - Rillway Road to Berleben/Labenda Swamp, NE - Gravelway Path to Hupperdook/Silberquel Ridge, and then S - Rillway Road to Felderwin/Alfield. MARISHA: We want the Hupperdook one. TRAVIS: NE, Hupperdook. MATT: Making the left turn onto that road, heading northeast, you begin to make your way towards the Silberquel Ridge. TRAVIS: I guess we’re going slower than that. LAURA: Wait! Should I have asked if Kiri was cold? Do you get cold, Kiri? MATT: Kiri’s sitting there on the edge, eyes half-closed, and her feathers all puffed up. She looks over towards you, (coos). LAURA: Do you get cold? Yes? Or No? MATT: (like Jester) “Yes?” LAURA: You get cold. Oh, I run back in and try to get some warm clothes for Kiri. MATT: Okay, easy enough. It costs you three silver to get the proper thick fur material to give her enough to keep warm. LAURA: Something really pretty though. MATT: Eh, beggars can’t be choosers in this circumstance, but you get something functional. LAURA: Okay. LIAM: Burlap, it’s all burlap. TALIESIN: Or really itchy wool. MATT: Continuing northward, as the sky gets subtly darker and darker, preparing for what is the coming dusk, you see ahead a caravan of carts heading southward along the road that’s going to intersect with your path. MARISHA: What? What’s ahead? MATT: A caravan of four carts, heading your direction, heading southward and going to cross your path. LAURA: Can we see? MATT: Make a perception check. LAURA: That was impressive. 15. MATT: Okay. Glancing ahead, there’s still enough light for you to make out details. They appear to be mostly human from what you can tell. Looking behind there looks to be a group of dwarf family members all gathered. They appear to be families. LAURA: Do they look like fancy wagons? MATT: They don’t. They look like wagons. And as they begin to approach, they turn and give you a wide berth like they’re about to make room to travel past you guys. SAM: It could be a diamond shipment. LAURA: Maybe we should ask. TRAVIS: Howdy! What news from the road up ahead? MATT: The gentleman at the front puts a hand up and the carts slow down a little bit. “Nothing, "just passing through.” TRAVIS: No dangers? Clear roads? MATT: “Roads are clear so far.” LIAM: What do the faces of the people who aren’t talking look like? MATT: Make a perception check. LIAM: 17. MATT: 17. There are men, women, children. Mostly human. Three of the carts, one of them is a dwarf family. They all look somewhat nervous. General looking out, quieting the kids. LAURA: Have you been to Hupperdook? MATT: “We rode past, didn’t stop.” LAURA: Did you see the mushroom houses? MATT: “No.” LAURA: Damn it. MARISHA: Did you party any? Quick rager after the kids were asleep? MATT: “No. I’m sorry, we must be going.” SAM: There was no blazing drum and bass? MATT: The horses pick up their pace a bit more. SAM: I don’t believe you. TRAVIS: What do the kids do as they move on? MATT: The kids just kind of watch quietly as they begin to pass. TRAVIS: I didn’t like his demeanor. LAURA: No. (shouts) Where are you going? Are you safe? SAM: (laughs) We are the worst people. MATT: He looks back and says, “We’re heading south.” SAM: (shouts) What are you reading? What are you reading? (laughter) MATT: “We’re just passing through. Heading south.” LAURA: I look at one of the kids. (whispers) Are you safe? Are you good? Are you safe? MATT: The kid kind of recoils from this blue-skinned, horned tiefling all of a sudden engaging him from across the way. The kid just kind of freezes in place. LAURA: I don’t know. I feel like they would’ve said if they were in danger or something. MARISHA: Trafficking kids? LAURA: Yeah. I’m afraid it’s like… I don’t know, I just feel like somebody’s not safe there. SAM: All right, I’ll cast Message on one of the kids. LAURA: Okay. Okay. MATT: Okay. SAM: I’ll say, if you’re being kidnapped, you can respond to this message and tell me. MATT: There’s a pause, and the kid that you’re aiming at goes… Like big smile on the face. Looks over and sees you and kind of… “No, we’re just getting away… from our home.” SAM: That was like a real connection! LAURA: Ask what’s happening at their home! SAM: Okay. I’ll cast it again. Where’s home? You can respond to this message! MATT: “Nogvurot.” LAURA: Nogvurot. Oh, that’s where the people have been getting stolen from! People are getting stolen, remember? MARISHA: Wait. Yeah, Nogvurot is right where we’re going. We’re going past Shady… Shadycreek. SAM: There’s been a string of kidnappings there in town. MATT: Well, this is where you’re going, and Nogvurot is this way. LAURA: Oh, okay, so we can sort of avoid– MATT: You can go straight, or you can arc– it’ll take more time. MARISHA: But they’re next-doorsies. LAURA: We should avoid Nogvurot right now. MATT: You can hit it on the way back. It’s up to you. MARISHA: Yeah. On the way back. On the way back. LAURA: After we’ve already taken care of the stuff so we get paid. Do we know how much time we have left before our time is up with the Gentleman’s timeline? MATT: Uh, with the days of travel… I’d have to go do the math again, and I’m sure that the Internet knows and has been keeping track– TALIESIN: I think we’re probably fine. MATT: I’ll check in with CritRoleStats to make sure– LIAM: And Caleb will tell the group. MATT: But since you’ve left, just estimating right now, I’d say it’s been about a little over a week as of now. LAURA: And we have a month. MATT: You have a month. TALIESIN: We’re killing it. LAURA: Okay. This is going to be the hard stuff now. SAM: Let’s continue on. TALIESIN: We’re basically gods. LIAM: Caleb is futzing again with the rock and just sort of massaging the four days of stubble that he has grown back, and his facial hair comes in as fast as Liam’s does so it’s already pretty thick. MATT: All right. You pass the caravan and they continue southward. Eventually it gets dark, if you guys want to stop and make a rest for the evening, you can. So, as you set off and set up camp, who’s keeping watch this evening? TALIESIN: We’ve got tents! ASHLEY: I’ll keep watch. MATT: All right. And you do have new tents, which is much more comfortable than the open air, bundled up with your blanket in the cold night. And as you travel further north, you know, it’s going to get colder, especially with the winter looming and the autumn coming to a close. SAM: One of us bought warm clothes. (laughter) MATT: All right, who’s keeping watch? TRAVIS and SAM: Yasha and Beau. MATT: All right, go ahead and make a roll, guys. Or one of you with advantage. Your choice. SAM: Beau’s just looking at Yasha. MARISHA: Her bad. Did you see anything? ASHLEY: 15. MATT: 15? Okay. MARISHA: Because I don’t see anything. (laughter) LIAM: Except for your eyes. SAM: They’re like the ocean. LAURA: Her eyes are like the sea. MARISHA: Your eyes are like the swamp. Super muddy. LIAM: Your eyes are like blue crayons. MARISHA: One’s like the swamp, one’s like the sky. ASHLEY: Yeah… LAURA: (laughs) ASHLEY: Yeah. I mean, one’s like more purpley, but I guess that’s sky, or swamp? MARISHA: Yeah. It’s very like, very diverse biodomes in your eyes. LIAM: Ooh. TALIESIN: (whispers) How? ASHLEY: Yeah… MATT: Not biome. Biodome. MARISHA: (laughs) Biodomes, you know? ASHLEY: Like a… I think that’s a film? MARISHA: You know, like– Yeah. Waterworld. TRAVIS: Pauly Shore movie. MARISHA: Let’s go. LIAM: We’re off the rails. We’re off the rails. MARISHA: Yeah. MATT: All right. The evening passes without issue, actually. Keeping a watch– TRAVIS: You call that “without issue?” MATT: Well– MARISHA: It’s natural. It’s in my blood. MATT: Touche. LIAM: You’re so cool, how do you fucking eat gravel so hard? Oh, man. MARISHA: It’s in my blood, man. It’s all a ruse. MATT: So. You wake up the next morning. You get the sense that, being the vigilant beast that you are, if anybody wanted to come close to inspect, immediately saw Yasha and went, “Nope!” You continue on the next day of travel. Heading upward. Northeast, further and further. You can begin to see the edge of the Silberquel Ridge, the mountain range that, when you were approaching the Labenda Swamp, began to rise and kind of loomed over the swamp, and then began to slowly get more distant. As you traveled southward the crossroads begins to come further into view again. The mountain range moving closer, more massive, kind of peeking over, this large– it’s very, very steep edges to the base of this mountain range. You get the sense that passage over or through is very specific. Or at least nowhere in visible sight. As you guys begin to crest into dusk for this next, fourth evening of travel, who’s keeping watch? SAM: Me and Caleb. MATT: All right. You guys go ahead and roll perception checks, please. SAM: Six. LIAM: 13. MATT: 13. All right. As you guys are just setting up, Caleb, you’re looking out past as everyone else is getting ready to bed for the night, and you look over and you can see what looks like a shape off in the grass. Looks like a– like a big mound, but it’s hard to tell from this distance, but there’s something in the grass. LIAM: There’s something deadly out there that wants to murder us all in our sleep. SAM: Well, it could just be an animal or something, right? LIAM: Yeah, it could be. Do you want to wake everybody up, or– SAM: Not yet, let’s find out what it is. LIAM: Well, I can’t see shit! SAM: I’ll go look. You stay here and be ready to wake. LIAM: Okay, well, hold on a second. Just wear my cat as a scarf. And she digs– dammit, my cat was a girl, but– never mind. He digs his claws into Nott’s neck and hangs in. SAM: I’ll flank around and try to see if I can see what this thing is. LIAM: And Caleb sits between Fjord and Beau and loses his sight and vision and listens. MATT: All right. So make a stealth check, please. SAM: One. TRAVIS: (laughs) SAM: Plus ten, but it was a natural one. MATT: Still a natural one. LIAM: Fuck a duck! (laughter) SAM: Get out of my eyeline! Get out of my eyeline, Wil Wheaton! (laughter) LIAM: It’s a 30-foot radius! SAM: You have sunglasses or anything I could wear? (laughter) MATT: As you begin to slowly approach, make a perception check, please. SAM: That’s a 12. LIAM: Do I get to make a perception check through Frumpkin’s ears? MATT: Sure. LIAM: Yass! SAM: Queen. LIAM: It’s a two! (laughter) MATT: All right. You hear nothing. You glance around the corner, and just beyond the grass, you can see an overturned cart. SAM: Not ours. MATT: Not yours. Another cart. It’s just on its side. It looks like it has a cover over the top of it. But it’s not– SAM: But that’s not where we saw movement? LIAM: No, we just saw a hump, right? MATT: You saw the shape. And the shape, as you approach, looks to be an overturned wagon, roughly about 100 feet off the road. SAM: Okay. I will cast Silent Image, and I will make it look like there’s just a curious human walking over there. (bad American accent) Hi, I’m an American man! (laughter) LIAM: I pull out a wire and say, You’re onto this, right? This is a possible ambush, ja? SAM: It seems like– yeah? So, Chent goes over there and checks it out. TRAVIS: Chent? TALIESIN: When have you ever met a Chent? SAM: You know, good old Chent. MARISHA: I already hate him. MATT: Walks over there. Make a perception check. TRAVIS: He got a sweater around his neck and mid-thigh khaki shorts? MATT: 13? MARISHA: Crocs? Is he wearing Crocs? MATT: Nothing. SAM: Abercrombie and Fitch top. (laughter) LIAM: Tell your man to check the cart. SAM: Yeah, he’s over there investigating. Nothing? Okay. I will withdraw him if nothing has happened. MATT: Okay. SAM: I didn’t– I take out my wire– I didn’t see anything move. I think it might just be a cart. LIAM: Probably but give it a moment. SAM: Okay. I’ll wait. LIAM: Tell him to do the Running Man. SAM: He’s not a good dancer; he’s a white guy. (laughter) LIAM: Ja I can relate, but just do it. TRAVIS: White man’s overbite, white man’s overbite– there it is! TALIESIN: Can’t handle. MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: Okay. 15 now. MATT: 15. You see a brief– a split-second of movement. And you look and you see a crossbow bolt hit the edge of the cart– SAM: Near where Chent was? MATT: Near where he was standing. Who is still dancing. SAM: Oh, shit. No direction? Can I tell from its impact from whence it came? MATT: Not from this distance, no. SAM: Okay. (panicked breathing) Crossbow attack! Crossbow attack! Wake up everyone! I’ll take them out single-handed! LIAM: No, no, no, switch to the Cabbage Patch! And I start punching Fjord and Beau in the shoulders. MARISHA: (groans) LIAM: Shh! Quiet! Be quiet! SAM: I’m going to keep flanking around in the shadows, trying to stay out of trouble. Crossbow at the ready. LIAM: I start quietly handing over everybody’s mouth, “Wake up, there’s an ambush!” I’m scared of Yasha but I do it anyway. “Wake up, there’s an ambush!” MATT: As all of you come to consciousness, you glance over and you can see the dark shape, once Caleb points out the direction where it was. And as you’re coming around the side, Nott… because you did not roll a very good stealth– SAM: No, no, not at all. TRAVIS: You went forward and did not retreat? SAM: I was trying to flank around. MATT: You suffer six points of piercing damage as a crossbow bolt catches you in the thigh. SAM: (groans) I will reduce that to three. MATT: All right. You glance over to the side and you can see what looks to be a humanoid shape that darts down into the grass and begins shifting around the other side of the cart. LIAM: Caleb will, at this point, once everyone is awake– Yasha was the last one– go back in to see what is going on. Oh, shit. (stammering) Nott’s being attacked. Let’s go! And I jump out of the cart. SAM: Did I see where the creature went? MATT: Yeah. It ran down through the grass– actually, make a perception check, just as you’re trying to peer through the darkness here. SAM: Six. MATT: Yeah, you have no idea. They vanished into the grass and moved what you assume to be around the cart. LIAM: I am doing my best Vax impression and making my way through the grass. MATT: All right. The rest of you following? TRAVIS: Yes. MATT: All right. You guys are all– ASHLEY: I start walking towards the– MATT: Not carefully, just straight-on run in that space? MARISHA: No! Spread and flank? Spread and flank? LIAM: Still stealthing. MATT: You’re still stealthing? LIAM: I’m trying! MATT: I’d like all of you guys to make a stealth check, please. As you try and carefully approach. At the slow pace at which you are approaching, at that many feet away– LAURA: Natural 20! MATT: Nice! TALIESIN: Natural one! ASHLEY: 16. MATT: Natural one? LIAM: 14. MARISHA: 14. TRAVIS: Four. MATT: Four. Okay, Fjord and Molly lumbering across the field. In the meantime, two other figures jump up from aside the cart, and both take crossbow shots at you. That’s going to be a 16? SAM: Armor class is 16. MATT: Just hits. And the other one is– that’s a 12. That doesn’t hit. SAM: Okay. MATT: So this one… you’re going to take four points of piercing damage. SAM: I already used my, whatever, reaction, so I’ll take the full four. MATT: Okay. They both kind of duck down behind, using the cart to put a buffer between you and them. SAM: So now I kind of know where they are. MATT: You know where they are, yes. SAM: But they’re hiding. MATT: Correct. TRAVIS: Hiding in the grass. Caleb, light 'em up. MATT: You guys are rushing in that direction. You can see, you see two figures dart up and then Nott kind of like (grunt). Nott is very visible in the field. SAM: Can I use my action to message them saying, “There’s two or three figures behind the cart!” and then I’ll hide? LIAM: And Caleb heard Fjord say that and just went (fwoof) and there’s four globes floating above us. LAURA: I’m going to Invoke Duplicity. MATT: Okay, you Invoke Duplicity. As Jester’s stealthing below through the field, two Jesters suddenly appear where once there was one. LAURA: And I’m going to send her out next to Molly. MATT: All right. Molly and Fjord, you guys rush forward as the little globes of light all of a sudden light the area up a bit, like it has a very faint lantern light in the vicinity. MARISHA: I’m going to move on the opposite side of where Nott is and do like a quick runaround and try and flank. MATT: Okay. Fjord? TRAVIS: Yep, just swinging wide. On Beau’s side. MATT: All right. As you guys rush around, Yasha, what are you doing? ASHLEY: Yeah, I’m swinging wide. Go around. MATT: Okay, you guys swing wide around. At this point, you see the figures, five of them, all pop up, two of them in the field off to the side that you weren’t paying attention, dart up, and the three from behind go ahead and the three are going to take shots at Nott as well in the center. That’s 21. That’s an 18. And 17. So that’s six points of piercing damage, six points of piercing damage, and seven points of piercing damage. Nott’s just being pummeled by bolts, and as Fjord and Molly start rushing up, a fifth one off to the side goes ahead and makes a shot towards Molly. That’s going to be a 19 to hit. TALIESIN: Oh yeah, that hits. MATT: You take seven points of piercing damage, and the other one goes and aims towards Molly and goes, “Wait. Oh God! Stop, stop, stop! Stop your fighting!” You see the other dark figures look. Their heads swing over in that direction. What are you guys doing? MARISHA: Taking out the closest guy that’s to me. MATT: Okay, the one that’s closest to you is the one that shot Molly. He popped out of the grass as you were pulling around the side. MARISHA: The one who’s yelling? MATT: No, the other one. The one that’s shouting is on the opposite end. LIAM: They’re really spread out? How spread out? MATT: I’d say if you’re looking at where the cart is, there’s two on the sides here that were in the grass, and there’s three that are directly behind the cart. LIAM: Roughly how far apart are those two? MATT: They’re about 60 feet apart. LIAM: Okay, I’m going to hold Slow for one side of the group if I decide they’re a threat, if they sound like a threat. MATT: Well, you have to release it next round or the spell’s lost. LIAM: Yeah, that’s fine. MATT: Okay. You prepare, you’re readying Slow. TRAVIS: Do we see any visual of the face of whoever is yelling that? MATT: There’s very little light except for a little bit of light that’s coming from the sky. The globes are like a lantern light, but it’s the middle of the night, so you can see the shapes. They’re not able to hide at the moment, but you don’t see any features or details as you’re rushing up. Make a perception check. SAM: Do they see that Chent is now doing the Sprinkler? MATT: They are aware. TRAVIS: 14. MATT: You do notice that all of them have thick green cloth masks that cover the front of their faces, bandit-style, that cover most of the features. MARISHA: I’m cracking the one on the head. MATT: Go for it. As you rush up, go for it. MARISHA: Does he see me? I’m trying to do this stealthily. MATT: He just finished firing. MARISHA: Okay, while his attention is diverted, I’m going to come up behind and try and do a crack. Go to sleep, go to sleep. MATT: Okay, go for it. MARISHA: Do I have advantage on this or anything? MATT: The first attack you do, because he turns and sees you at the last minute as you approach. MARISHA: 16. MATT: 16 hits. MARISHA: Okay. That’s 12 damage, and I’m going to do stunning blow. MATT: All right. Stunning Strike? MARISHA: Stunning Strike. Is that a ki thing? MATT: Yeah, it spends a ki to do it. Yeah, he does not succeed. He rolled a natural eight. He’s (groaning) kidney punch right to the side. MARISHA: I’m going to cover his mouth and lay him down in the grass, and do another blow to his temple to try and knock him out. SAM: And kill him. MARISHA: Nope, just knock him unconscious. Do I roll? MATT: Roll with advantage, because he’s stunned currently. MARISHA: Natural 20! Thanks, Gil. MATT: You (whack) and his eyes roll back. MARISHA: (shushing) Lay him down in the grass. TRAVIS: Quickly, declare yourselves. TALIESIN: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! MATT: The one guy stands up– the guy who yelled out– and goes, “We are so sorry! We are so sorry! "We didn’t know it was you folks! Our most sincere apologies.” The other guy is like, “What the fuck "are you talking about?” He’s like, “You don’t understand. These are the ones that–” TALIESIN: How’s new management working out? MATT: “These are the ones that ashed Trevor!” The guys put up their hands. “Oh shit. We’re so "sorry!” They drop their crossbows. LIAM: Caleb lets Slow fizzle. MATT: “We didn’t mean nothing. We’re so sorry.” SAM: I’m going to fire one crossbow bolt at that guy. MATT: Go for it. SAM: Oh, it’s only a 13. MATT: It’s leather armor. It hits. They’re not very strong. SAM: Eight points of damage. MATT: He goes, “Oh! Come on!” SAM: It doesn’t feel good, does it? TALIESIN: Now, now. Is that apology accepted at this point? LAURA: Do you guys have healing potions, because you just sent a lot of arrows at Nott. I mean at this– I mean– TRAVIS: You said her name. It’s all right. MATT: “We don’t have much. We’re so sorry. Seriously, this is a huge misunderstanding.” TALIESIN: I’m going to put this out here, that we just received an apology. This sort of behavior should be rewarded. LAURA: You know the drill. MATT: “Thank you. Thank you!” LAURA: Take off your pants and walk away. MATT: Make a persuasion check. LIAM: Also leave one gift for us before you go. Because you’re living. LAURA: I rolled a one. No pants for me. MATT: Aw. No. TALIESIN: We appreciate the courtesy. MATT: He pulls the mask down. “Take the cart. Take it. That’s yours. We’ll just–” The other one’s like, “What the fuck are you doing, mate?” He’s like, “Trust me!” LIAM: Ja, we have a cart. We’re good. Is there anything in the cart that is more interesting? MATT: “Whatever’s in it, it’s all yours.” LIAM: Back away from that cart, please. MATT: “Right, that we do. Guys, gentlemen, back away.” TALIESIN: It’s rough out here; they should take their crossbows. LIAM: I am not taking their clothes, but I am interested to see what they are carrying. TALIESIN: That is very fair, let’s take a look. TRAVIS: Is that your cart, or did it belong to someone before you? MATT: “It belonged to someone. They’re alive. We didn’t kill them, but we took their stuff and we "sent them on their way.” LIAM: Are you bullshitting us? MATT: “No!” LIAM: Are you bullshitting me now? MATT: “No!” LIAM: I’m looking in his cart. MATT: Okay, make an investigation check. MARISHA: As I’m laying in the grass with the guy who I knocked unconscious, I’m going to pat down his body. MATT: Make an investigation check. LIAM: That’s a 15. MARISHA: Natural 20 again! That’s two 20s in a row! Counter Wil Wheaton! MATT: First off, glancing inside and looking through and rummaging and pulling, most of the cart stuff is gone. It has some simple grain bags and things that were placed deliberately to look like it had a lot, and they shoved all of it towards the exits of the two sides of the cover, but the interior of it is mostly empty. You see two blankets. That’s about it. LIAM: How’s this working out for you? MATT: “Obviously not very well right now.” LIAM: Are you better or worse than when you started? MATT: “Look, this is embarrassing enough as it is. It’s hard enough to make ends meet. We’re doing "what we need to to survive. We’re happy to give you this. We’ll walk away, and pretend this never "happened.” TALIESIN: I feel bad, I’ve got to admit. No, I have to deal with this. I’m going to walk to my cart. I’m going to pull out that armor that I got at the orc’s place. I’m handing it to the kid. MATT: “What? I don’t understand.” TALIESIN: You’re going to get shot at again. It’s breaking my heart. TRAVIS: You really can’t find a safer line of work? LIAM: Yeah, head to the cities. Work on a dock. Learn from your mistakes. What the fuck are you doing? TRAVIS: What are you doing with your lives? MATT: He grabs the armor and tucks it in. “Thank you.” TALIESIN: Thank you for recognizing and for being gracious about our previous deal. I appreciate someone who stands up and holds to their word. That’s really nice, and that should be rewarded in this world. LIAM: Three strikes and you’re out. This is two. MATT: “Right, no. Yeah.” LAURA: They said they wouldn’t be bandits anymore, but they are bandits. TALIESIN: Well, I wasn’t really holding them to that one. LIAM: That’s fine. The next time, we are going to turn you into grease puddles, so maybe find yourselves a job in a store, or a dock, or a restaurant, even. LAURA: Yeah, don’t go working for criminals! That’s stupid! LIAM: At least be good at it if you’re going to do that. TRAVIS: I think they’re freelance, Jester. They work for themselves. LAURA: Oh. Then if you’re going to do bad things, at least work for somebody who’s rich and doing bad things! Don’t just steal from people on the road, that’s stupid! MATT: Two of the guys go like, “Yeah, no, she’s got a point.” “I know!” LIAM: I walk up to this guy, and I take the stone out of my pocket and I place it against his forehead, and I mutter a few words under my breath. And now I know where you are at all times, and I will know if you are still doing this kind of work, and I will come and I will kill you. MATT: Make a deception check with advantage. LIAM: Natural 20. MARISHA: Over here is our safe haven from that. MATT: He’s nodding. You can see the sweat on his brow, and you can’t help but notice the darkening spot in his nether regions. “Of course, no worries, sir, I promise, no worries. We’ll go and "we’ll slop pigs. We’ll do what it takes, anything but this. Right, boys?” They’re like, “The fuck? "You pissed yourself.” TALIESIN: Respect management. MATT: “Yeah.” They pick up their crossbows and tuck them under their arms. “Good night. Safe travels.” LAURA: Only steal from grumpy people! TALIESIN: So true. MATT: “Good night.” The guy next to you, as you’re patting him down, two things. One, you manage to get about seven silver from him. That’s all the money he has on him at the moment. MARISHA: (singing) Hey, big spender! MATT: You find a hard spot on the side of his stomach that he should probably get checked out. TALIESIN: Oh god, why? MATT: Because he doesn’t have anything else, but she rolled a 20 investigation check! I didn’t know what else! LIAM: Oh my god! LAURA: You’re going to steal his money and he’s got medical problems. LIAM: No, he’s a warlock. MARISHA: As they all leave, Beau peeks her head out of the grass and goes: I knocked one unconscious, and I don’t know what to do with him now. I could’ve let him go, but I didn’t want to say anything in front of everybody because I started feeling bad once you guys felt bad. LAURA: Do I have to heal him now? TRAVIS: You’re probably doing him a favor, all right? He’ll wake up in the morning. No one will be here. He’ll start his life, it’ll be a new chapter. It’ll be fine. LIAM: No, they’re going to leave him. We’ve got one more of your– This one, take him! MATT: At this point, there’s a sound behind you, a (huffing). You see Kiri running with her knife, going, (like Cali) “I kill people!” LAURA: Don’t kill this corpse! Don’t stab this corpse! TALIESIN: It’s not technically a corpse yet. LAURA: I know, but she’ll think it is. SAM: Maybe they can take Kiri. LAURA: No way! SAM: I don’t know, we need to get rid of Kiri! LAURA: That’s so terrible! TRAVIS: Give her a life of adventure and imminent death. MARISHA: I take this guy’s green mask, and his pants, and I give his pants to Jester. MATT: There you go. Write that down in your equipment. LAURA: I got pants! MATT: Bandit pants! LAURA: I’m going to add it because I think I already have some bandit pants. MATT: There you go. He starts to come to consciousness. MARISHA: Oh no! (thud) Oh, fuck! Sorry, it was a reflex! TRAVIS: Lay him in the grass. MATT: His friends have all run off northward. MARISHA: Your friend is– They’re bad friends. TRAVIS: He gets a fresh start in the morning. It’ll be fine. TALIESIN: He’ll only find better people. MARISHA: Okay. I try to lay him down gently. MATT: He’s drooling down himself. MARISHA: I turn him on his side. TRAVIS: Does he have any coin on him at all? MARISHA: I already took seven silver. These guys sucked. TRAVIS: Here, I put two gold in his pocket. LIAM: Judging by the map, how far are we from any town? MATT: You guys are about here. LIAM: Oh, this guy’s going to die. MATT: Yeah, you’re about 24 miles away from the crossroads. LIAM: How far away are his friends? MATT: You don’t see them at the moment. LAURA: He knows where their hideout is, he’s fine. LIAM: I’m going to pull my wire out, and Message the one who I intimidated and say: you left one behind, he’s here. MATT: What’s the range on that? LIAM: It’s 120 feet, I think. I’m going to check it out. It’s 5,000 feet. LAURA: He’ll be fine, he’s a bandit. LIAM: I just talked into a wire, you don’t know. It’s fine. TALIESIN: That went well. MARISHA: Hey, Jester. What if we take him and we pose him, and we put a drawing around him just in case anybody else finds him, and maybe they think there’s something wrong with this guy? A sign? I don’t know. LIAM: The good news is, we’re in the middle of the wilderness and no one is going to find him. MARISHA: I was trying to be jovial, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried that. LAURA: What if we put some flowers in his hair, so when he wakes up, he looks really pretty? MARISHA: That’s good. Let’s do that. TALIESIN: There’s nothing better than waking up in the morning with no pants and flowers in your hair. LIAM: I have a dagger, and I’m going to shove it in his belt so he’s not totally alone. He’s pantsless, but with a dagger, correct? MATT: Pantsless with a crossbow, and a simple shortsword that’s tucked off to his side. LIAM: Oh, I didn’t see that. I take my dagger back. He’s fine, he’s got a blade. MATT: His hair is filled with flowers, he’s on his side, flopping away from the sky. The cart’s there if there’s anything you need to grab from it. TALIESIN: I add a drop of lavender oil and I think we’re done. MATT: There you go. SAM: Was there anything in the cart? No, right? LAURA: There’s blankets. We can take the blankets. MATT: There’s a couple blankets, there’s grain, and it has a cover on it. TALIESIN: And this is why you buy the lavender oil. LAURA: Molly, they have a covered wagon! TALIESIN: So we can remove it and attach it to ours? LAURA: Or we can take theirs and leave ours. TALIESIN: Is theirs better than ours? MATT: The cart is comparable, probably a little more weathered than the one you guys have. LIAM: This is so dumb. What color is it? MATT: It’s a basic canvas. It’s a tan. LIAM: It is Oregon Trail. TALIESIN: It’s all about the dysentery. MATT: It’s a tan, light brown. MARISHA: It’s a Florida convertible. MATT: Yeah. TALIESIN: The Volvo of wagons. MATT: Essentially. Ironic that you went looking to build that and it was already in the possible path. All right. So you guys pull that off. ASHLEY: Take the blankets. MATT: Take the blankets. Make your way back to your cart. Finish up your evening’s rest, and at morning light, continue your way northward along the road. All righty. TALIESIN: (clopping sounds) TRAVIS: That’s some tiny-ass hooves. MATT: For the sake of brevity, since we’re getting towards the end of the evening– LAURA: We should take the grain for our horses. SAM: Horses eat grass. LIAM: Let’s count the grains. TRAVIS: Oh my god! Let’s travel north, for fuck’s sake! MATT: The next two days go on without issue. Passing a few travelers heading southward, crossing your way, until eventually, the Silberquel Ridge grows more and more prominent in your line of sight. Following the path, the fields that surround the north road begin to give way to tall grass and trade for scrub land and rocks, the once-vanishing shape of the Silberquel Ridge mountains growing bigger and bigger, the numerous columns of mingling black-and-white smoke you can now see spill from the eastern side of the mountain, diffusing as they rise. As you travel even closer, you can make out the two-tiered layout of a city built into the mountain. One large region encircles the very base of the mountain, ahundred or more dark workshops and towers, billowing smoke from chimneys and stacks visible. A number of large constructions dot the open spaces between these towers, some oversized cannons or others like mobile siege towers. One resembles a wheeled, multi-tiered cart with numerous, wicked-looking bolt-throwers attached. As you begin to head in this direction, you can also see that this lower area, this industrial field of various engines of warfare that are in the process of being constructed, some in their skeletal phase of being built. To the base of the mountain above that, you can see two winding switchback roads as well as one very steep staircase that ascends to a second level, about a hundred or more feet above the first. Here you see a massive outcropping of leveled rock that holds the other half of the city. There along the ridge of the mountain shelf lies hundreds of buildings and arches, occasionally dappled with an autumn-colored tree. Behind this city mass, you see a shimmering waterfall that cascades from out of the center of the mountain, about 1000 feet up, that glimmers like silver-white light and the little bit of sun that’s coming through the clouds. You’ve reached the outskirts of Hupperdook. LAURA: This is not how I pictured it. TALIESIN: I like it. MARISHA: I told you it’s a city of industry. TALIESIN: I like a good waterfall. SAM: Where are the EDM gnomes? MARISHA: Well, that happens at nightfall. LAURA: Is it mostly gnomes that live in the city? MARISHA: I think mostly gnomes, but I’m pretty sure there are other people. I don’t know. I’ve never been here. I’ve only heard stories. LAURA: Does it look like the buildings are teeny? MATT: From best you can tell from this perspective, make a perception check. LAURA: 13. MATT: It’s hard to tell. The buildings that are in the outside of the upper ridge look to be varying sizes. They don’t appear to be super tiny, by any means. You do see from this perspective, as you’re heading down to the base of the mountain, you’re at the top of the hill, and this last leg as you start pushing in towards Hupperdook, at the base of where the waterfall is hitting, behind that row, you can see what look to be numerous towers, thin and tall, like these weird needles of buildings that kind of cluster around the base of the waterfall. That’s as much as you can make out at this distance. LIAM: On a scale of one to ten, one being like a shit-ass swamp town and ten being like Rexxentrum, what does the civilization of this city look like? MATT: The technology, as you get closer and closer and begin seeing these fields of construction, the industry is pretty prominent. It’s the most you’ve ever seen. As far as the beauty of a living, civilized town, five or six, maybe? LIAM: But not podunk? MATT: It’s not podunk, by any means. LIAM: It’s builded? MATT: Yeah. It’s well-built. It seems comfortable. The base area around the mountain as you begin to approach– and you can see now where the clouds and bits of steam are mingling and rising up, mixing into the sky above you– the colors here are fairly drab: browns, grays, dark graphite metals. And immediately, you can see the ground itself. SAM: (coughs) That’s good water. MATT: You can see the ground itself as you step in the area has a faint layer of soot where some of the burned materials that are pressed up into the air have come down to settle onto the ground surrounding it. What do you wish to do? MARISHA: What time of day is it? MATT: It’s mid-afternoon. LAURA: (quietly) We should be going to the city. MARISHA: (quietly) I think so. LAURA: I guess we’ll ride into the city. TALIESIN: I’d like sleep somewhere comfortable. MATT: Following the path, there is a large metallic archway that rises into a pointed entrance where, as you enter, you can see, in the metal carved in various rivets, “HUPPER,” “DOOK” on the other side. There, you see two townsguards standing there, both human, standing guard. And as you approach, one of them steps forward. “Welcome. What is your business?” TRAVIS: Looking for lodging for the evening. We’ve been on the road for some time. MATT: “Understood. You would probably want to go ahead and head up the mountain for that. Down here "is all industry.” TRAVIS: All industry? Where would we be looking for further up the mountain? MATT: He points out, “This is the Iron Lot and the Assembly Yard. You’re going to want to head up to "the Idleworks Shelf to find lodging.” TALIESIN: Idleworks Shelf. MATT: “Idleworks Shelf, yes.” TRAVIS: Any recommendations? Favorite spots? MATT: “The most prominent and most lively would probably be the Blushing Tankard tavern.” MARISHA: I do like alliteracy. LAURA: Blushing Tankard tavern. TRAVIS: I-i-illiteracy? MARISHA: Alliteracy. LAURA: Alliteration. LIAM: Illiteracy. TRAVIS: Not often you find people a fan of illiteracy, but– MARISHA: I like unlearnt folks. TRAVIS: Well, we appreciate it. We’ll head on up. MATT: He steps back to his post, and just keeps an eye as you guys enter in the midsection. At this point, you begin to hear the actual industry here. There’s this faint buzzing and clicking sound as you see some of these large wheels that are affixed to the outside of these large towers are grinding. You can see platforms rising up with the gears turning. And on them, you can see numerous gnomes, male and female, in the process of what looks to be building materials lifted onto higher levels. You could see some of these war machines that are being developed and designed here, mid-construction. You get the sense that with the call of war, they’re probably put into high gear in developing whatever siege weapons they can possibly muster in the short time frame. And the furnaces are going well. MARISHA: And when you say “war machines,” how do you mean? MATT: From what you can see, from the distance, you can see they have some larger-wheeled platforms that have bolt-throwers, which are large– imagine a crossbow but on a massive scale. The giant metallic spear that gets flung from it at a really, really powerful speed. You see three or four affixed to a single platform. You’re not sure what animal would be able to pull that. You also see siege towers, 30 feet tall, wheeled, with a number of ladders and platforms inside that are used to clamor up against fortresses. You see one that looks almost like a giant battering ram that is in the process of being constructed. The interior metal rod is currently resting on the ground next to it and they’re building an outer frame. Looking past, on the far end– on the northern end, you can see a huge cannon, maybe about 15 feet across and about three to four feet wide in the middle. That one is on a platform. The wheels are currently resting in the side and they’re in the process of finishing the construction of the device. Make a perception check. SAM: Yes! MARISHA: 14. MATT: Okay. Just beyond that, on the northern side, as you guys are riding past, and you kind of get as much height as you can, beyond these towers and what was referred to earlier as the Assembly Yard, which is the area where all these war machines are being built, you can see a roped section that is just pock-marked craters and scarred ground, what you assume to be some sort of a testing ground for whatever they’ve been working on over the numerous decades or more they’ve been here. You’re not sure– actually, roll a history check, because I’m curious to see how much you know about this. MARISHA: (sing-songy) Don’t fuck me, Gil. SAM: Yes! LIAM: He did it. MARISHA: Fucked me pretty hard. That’s three. Can I use my mystical erudition to get an advantage on history checks? MATT: I’ll allow it this time, but usually, you have to decide that before you make the roll. It’s not a lucky feat, so. MARISHA: Deciding it now. MATT: But going forward– MARISHA and LIAM: Not much better. MARISHA: At all. Nine. MATT: Okay. You haven’t learned that much about the history of Hupperdook. You know it’s been here for a while. MARISHA: This scarred pot-marked line? MATT: This city. It’s been here for quite some time, so while you’re not sure of how long that field has been there, you get the sense that this isn’t a recent testing ground. It probably has been their general testing ground for any technology they’re developing. MARISHA: Okay. So it’s not new. Okay. MATT: Glancing about, you see more crownsguard attire, though now you’re starting to get to more gnomish crownsguard who are established there. And on their backs, as opposed to spears or shields at the ready, you see similar weapons to what some of the army moving eastward were carrying. You see long metal rods affixed with a wooden buttress at the end. These strange firearms that have been carefully relegated to certain individuals here are a little more in use here. SAM: Are there any platform shoes, glowsticks, or pacifiers? MATT: Make a perception check. SAM: All right. 13. MATT: Not yet. ASHLEY: Are there any flowers that are even visible at this area? MATT: Make a perception check. TALIESIN: Pink hearts, yellow moons. ASHLEY: Perception check? MATT: Purple horseshoes– TALIESIN: Blue diamonds? MATT: Red balloons. ASHLEY: 18. MATT: As you guys are clopping along, you look down and most of the land here is fairly barren. The outskirts of this, whether it be just the heavy amount of smoke and soot that’s put out by the industry, there isn’t a lot of grass. What is here is pretty harsh scrubland. You glance down, though, and one of the small bushes does have a very unique-looking white bud. They haven’t opened yet, but they’re beautiful amongst this stark ground. And you could reach down, if you wanted to. ASHLEY: I reach down and I take it and put it in my book. MATT: You grab, pluck a couple of them and put them in your book. Okay. TALIESIN: There’ll probably be something siding closer to the waterfall, maybe. ASHLEY: Yeah. I’ll get more. TRAVIS: Are the guards still within earshot? MATT: The ones you talked to earlier? No. You moved on from them, but there are other crownsguard in the area. You can hear the heavy sounds of metal clanging and the occasional sparks in the distance of some sort of welding process being done on some of the distant towers. You can see, on the opposite side of the southern side, dozens and dozens of dark metallic warehouses and buildings that are junctured by hallways. There are small compounds that are focused on whatever their specific businesses are in these designated, delegated areas. It’s weirdly almost drab and dystopian in a visual perspective. When you come to the base of the mountain here, where you see that large, very steep staircase you were looking at, there are the switchback pathways up there. But as you approach, you hear this (thud). And looking up, you can see these chains, these big, heavy, dark chains that are shifting. And as it does, you can see this platform begin to lower from the city above, heading in your direction. In front of you, at the base of the mountain, you can see there are a few other individuals that are sitting there, waiting patiently. You can see this platform eventually comes down, seems to be one of many means to make your way to the second part of the city. SAM: Will our whole cart fit on it? MATT: It’s a lift. LAURA: Hold the elevator. TALIESIN: Does that seems safe to you? SAM: Do we have to pay for it? LAURA: It will be fun. MATT: All right. As you approach, you see there are four crownsguard, one dwarven, three gnomish, that are there waiting it. You see the few figures that were waiting patiently. They appear to be well-dressed, human, one half-elf, wearing what looks to be reds and gold velvets. They look to be relatively well-off, standing definitely out of place in this rather dark space. They step onto the lift, and as you approach, the guards put their hands out. “I’m sorry, who are you?” LAURA: We are guests here. TALIESIN: Looking for lodgings for the night. MATT: “Lodgings? Well, you’ll have to take the path upward. This is designated for guests of "Hupperdook.” LAURA: That’s what we are. We’re guests of Hupperdook. MATT: “Guests of whom?” LAURA: Hupperdook. TRAVIS: Guests of Ophelia Mardun. LAURA: Yes. That one. MATT: Make a deception check. TRAVIS: 16. MATT: “I’m sorry, I don’t recognize the name. You’ll have to take the path.” TRAVIS: That’s not our fault. She’s very important. I would hate to keep us out of her good graces. I feel like the pull she has in this city should be more than enough to allow us to use the lift. MATT: “I guarantee you, sir, I’ve never heard the name before in my life. But there is always the path.” TRAVIS: Well, you’ll know her name after today. I guarantee you that. I hope you enjoy this post. For the rest of your evening. MATT: “Of course.” He takes a small pistol out from his side and aims it in the air and it fires with a puff of smoke, and the chains begin to lift. LAURA: Oh, man. Come on, I really want to be on it! Come on, man. Let us get on, man. TALIESIN: I don’t need that ride. SAM: What the hell was that thing he shot in the sky? LAURA: It was a firecracker, that’s all. MATT: As you guys are frustratingly fuming over that not-quite-as-positive experience, a voice from around behind you goes, “Well, now. You look like you’re not from around here. Is that true?” You turn and glance behind you and you can see, through a surly grin and a curly mop of brownish-red hair, a female gnome in her young adult years wearing simple clothes, some leather gloves. She has dangling around her neck a set of eye protectors. She’s rubbing a little bit of soot from her chin. “So. You couldn’t take the lift.” LAURA: Well, we could have, if this guy, he would have listened to us, because we are really important people. MATT: “Are you?” TRAVIS: No, we’re not. MATT: “See, that’s going to get you far here. Honesty.” MARISHA: Self-deprecation? Oh, honesty. MATT: “Well, probably both, depending on the time of day. So, who are you, if I might ask?” LAURA: We’re the Mighty Nein. TALIESIN: Travelers passing through to somewhere else. MATT: “So you’re not from around here? I like that. What brings you to Hupperdook?” LAURA: We thought the name was funny. SAM: That is accurate. MATT: Her brow furrows and a smile curls even wider across her face. “You’re not wrong. You’re "not wrong. Well, I happen to be a local looking for a way to kick off some boredom. Mind me "showing you around?” TRAVIS: I don’t know. What’s your name? MATT: “My name? Rissa. Pleasure to meet you, Mr.–?” TRAVIS: Fjord. MATT: “Fjord. Mayhaps we be getting in some trouble, too.” MARISHA: I hear you people like to get in trouble here at Hupperdook. LIAM: Especially at night. MATT: “We got about two hours.” MARISHA: That’s like 4:00. Wow. Amazing. MATT: Well, at this time, it’ll probably be about dusk. MARISHA: That’s like 8:00. Crazy. TALIESIN: We need to find a place to store our stuff and hopefully find an inn for the night, first. MATT: “There’s a few inns to pick from. I can take you around. Here, I’ll lead you up the walkway. "Follow me.” SAM: She’s nice. Why? Let’s kill her. MARISHA: Do we have this tourism look to us? SAM: For sure we do. LAURA: We might as well be wearing fanny packs. All of us. MARISHA: We should get some fanny packs. LAURA: Like an amazing fanny haversack? MARISHA: Oh my god. You don’t know what’s in there. Keep pulling stuff out. MATT: You guys begin to make your way up the switchback path, up the mountainside towards the upper edge of the shelf. Along that way, your new friend, Rissa, jumps up into the cart with you. She says, “I get the sense you don’t know much about us here.” MARISHA: How much? MATT: “Oh, no charge. Or buy me a round, or five, and we’ll call it even.” MARISHA: What do you want? LAURA: I’m going to keep an eye on her, because I think she’s going to try to steal some of our stuff. MATT: Okay. “That’s all I ask. Maybe help me fuck with a friend or two.” MARISHA: What? TRAVIS: Just say yes. SAM: She’s just like us. TRAVIS: We’re visitors here. MARISHA: She just asked to fuck with a friend. Yes? LAURA: Beau, you make really bad first impressions, too. She’s basically you. MARISHA: That’s true. MATT: She looks to Beau and is like, “Yeah.” MARISHA: I nod back. Hmm, yeah. MATT: “Anyway, don’t worry. I know the place is a bit droll, but once the sun’s down, it gets "interesting.” LIAM: During all of that yammering on the way up, I look over at Yasha and sigh out. ASHLEY: Yeah. A little crazy? LIAM: That’s it. LAURA: Are you saying you are crazy? I mean, you did that in front of everybody. Are we having an agreement? LIAM: (whispering) I am crazy. LAURA: Oh. I can see that about you. MATT: “Anyway, things are a bit busy around here. They’re busy most of the time. General workday "here is about ten to 12 hours. No weekends, no breaks like the rest of you lazy and lackadaisical folk.” TALIESIN: Private contractors. MATT: “Fair enough. Give you a quick tour of the place, should give us right about time to get some drinks.” TALIESIN: Drinks is a great idea. MATT: As you make your way up the mountain, making small chatter, eventually you come to the outskirts of the Idleworks Shelf. Here, encompassing the outer ring of this elevated shelf of the Silberquel Ridge, is a lively district of taverns, inns, merchants, open pavilions that are currently empty. It looks like the place is pretty much perpetually decorated for some sort of an event or a festival, but it’s in disuse at the moment. It is empty. Everyone you see in the street, there’s nobody taking a walk. Everyone is rushing from one place to another or shouting commands. There’s a general air of busyness and intent in each person you see. As you guys leisurely stroll through, every now and then you get this side-eye of– and they continue on past. A majority of the people here are gnomish. Probably 80 percent of the people you see in the immediate vicinity at any point in time are of gnomish heritage, only offset by the occasional dwarf and some human, half-elf. That’s as much as you’ve seen in your path here so far. LIAM: Do we, as a much taller United Colors of Benetton pack, draw a lot of attention as we walk through? MATT: I mean, you do as you do. You are a very colorful ensemble whenever you enter any sort of new establishment. TALIESIN: Have we seen another tiefling since hitting the city? MATT: Not yet, no, but to be fair, most of the streets are empty unless it’s people going from business to business. It’s an interesting feel. It’s almost like the town is a ghost town, where it’s dead outside of those that are in the process of making errands or doing runs. LAURA: Is it sooty up here too? MATT: A little bit, but not as bad as below. At this point, your friend, Rissa, is pointing out in different directions and goes, “All right, then that’s over that way. This is the center of "Hupperdook culture here on the Shelf, where most of the folks come to unwind. Beyond that you can "see what’s called the Silver Falls, pointing over there. That’s the core of where most of the "residents live, sleep, make their families, amongst the small towers you can see.” And from this point you can now see those strange, finger-like protrusions that were guarded around the waterfall are very condensed, thin, and tall metallic towers that have balconies and little windows. MARISHA: Oh my god, it’s a condo. It’s a condo complex. MATT: They’re three stories, maybe four stories at most. A lot of them look like they’re off-kilter. It looks not safe, though they probably are. It’s a very unique living situation you haven’t encountered with any other people in the Empire and beyond. Glancing up, you can see there are a few folks that are out there in the process of laying some rugs out and hanging them over the side. One woman up there is throwing some seeds to some birds that float by and start eating off the edge there. LIAM: Rissa, you mentioned culture. Are there any libraries here in Hupperdook? MATT: “I’m sure there is. Not anything I’ve bothered with, though. Not much of a reader. My "father, well, he might know, but you don’t want to talk to him.” MARISHA: Where do the best parties happen? MATT: “Just wait. Be patient. Be patient.” LAURA: Do you live on a high floor or a low floor? MATT: “I choose to live on a low floor.” LAURA: Less stairs. MATT: “Yeah. Gets warmer up top, anyway. Don’t want that.” LIAM: The walk-ups are tough. MATT: “You’re telling me. Want my quads to be ready in case I need to go into a sprint. Run for "my life. You know.” LAURA: Do you build the machines down there? MATT: “I used to. Occasionally.” LIAM: What do you do now? MATT: “I supervise.” MARISHA: Supervise what? MATT: “You’re being a bit nosy here, not going to lie. I know we just met, and I’m helping showing "you around, but–” MARISHA: You offered, though. MATT: “I offered to tell you about the city, not about myself.” MARISHA: Okay. LIAM: Well, we are a traveling group of hired guns who can get shit done. We are a varied group of people. Some of us learn and some of us are good at smashing skulls. We would do any kind of work if it were presented to us. That’s who we are. We’re a motley group of assholes. MATT: “I think you’ll fit in quite well around here.” MARISHA: Did you get fired? TRAVIS: Oh. My. God. MARISHA: What? I just want to know. LIAM: I was trying to defuse– MARISHA: Yeah, you gave her information, so maybe she’ll give us some. Did you get fired? Suspended? MATT: “I haven’t found a vocation that fits my personality. Tried some things. Wasn’t my thing.” MARISHA: Undecided major. I like it. SAM: Where should we stay tonight? MATT: “Well, there’s a few different places. Are you looking for a quiet spot to sleep or are you "looking for a wild place to not sleep?” SAM: Beau is looking for a wild place to not sleep. MATT: “Blushing Tankard it is.” SAM: Gushing Tankard. ALL: Blushing Tankard. MATT: At this point, the oranges and reds of sundown have taken the sky and you hear this pop sound. SAM: What was that? TALIESIN: Wait for it. MATT: You look up and you can see splashes of light in the sky above you. Faint fireworks start going off. MARISHA: What? SAM: Are the Dodgers playing? MATT: You start hearing shouts. Voices echoing from the city, from the towers, from behind you, along the Shelf. All these steam whistles start going off down below, echoing from below. The streets suddenly come to life as people begin to rush out of buildings, taking off their aprons, taking off their gloves, setting off whatever their work attire is and rushing off to home to unwind. There is a rush of energy, and you begin to realize Beau wasn’t kidding. LAURA: This is a party town! MARISHA: This city’s awesome! MATT: They work hard, and at night, they play hard. TALIESIN: You’ve brought us to Florida. MATT: And that’s where we’re going to finish tonight’s episode. (cheering) LIAM: Steampunk Burning Man! MARISHA: (singing) Orlando! Orlando! SAM: Fourth Street in Austin. MATT: Oh, Fourth Street. I love Fourth Street. We’ll pick up this next week. We may or may not have Ashley, depending on if Skype is available. SAM: Wait, what? ASHLEY: But the following week I’ll be here. MATT: Nevertheless, thank you guys so much. SAM: Thank you, Wil Wheaton, for not ruining our lives. MATT: Yeah, Wil’s been off-set trying to curse my dice. Apparently, I deflected it to the party. Happy about that. Thank you guys for joining us tonight. SAM: Ready Player One was good, everything else bad. (laughter) MATT: Anyway, we’ll see you guys next week. Have a wonderful weekend and the following week from there. We love you, and is it Thursday yet? Good night. [music]