MAX_JOBS ignored when compiling pytorch from source
Labels: needs reproduction, module: build, triaged

### 🐛 Describe the bug

I'm simply trying to compile PyTorch on a 56-core / 512GB Ram / Tesla A40 GPU server. CMake hangs at the end of the configure phase and eventually uses up all of the ram. The setup.py is not obeying environment variables, specifically the MAX_JOBS variable. I have 56 cores on this server, may I please use more than one core to compile with?

Commands:
```export MAX_JOBS=16```
```python3.11 setup.py install```

Output:
```
 --- Submodule initialization took 185.95 sec
cmake -DBUILD_PYTHON=True -DBUILD_TEST=True -DCMAKE_BUILD_TYPE=Release -DCMAKE_INSTALL_PREFIX=/home/jpop/dev/pytorch/torch -DCMAKE_PREFIX_PATH=/usr/local/anaconda3/lib/python3.11/site-packages -DNUMPY_INCLUDE_DIR=/usr/local/anaconda3/lib/python3
.11/site-packages/numpy/core/include -DPYTHON_EXECUTABLE=/usr/local/anaconda3/bin/python3.11 -DPYTHON_INCLUDE_DIR=/usr/local/anaconda3/include/python3.11 -DPYTHON_LIBRARY=/usr/local/anaconda3/lib/libpython3.11.a -DTORCH_BUILD_VERSION=2.2.0a0+git
4b881b0 -DUSE_NUMPY=True /home/jpop/dev/pytorch
-- The CXX compiler identification is GNU 11.4.0
-- The C compiler identification is GNU 11.4.0
-- Detecting CXX compiler ABI info
-- Detecting CXX compiler ABI info - done
-- Check for working CXX compiler: /usr/bin/c++ - skipped
-- Detecting CXX compile features
-- Detecting CXX compile features - done
-- Detecting C compiler ABI info
-- Detecting C compiler ABI info - done
-- Check for working C compiler: /usr/bin/cc - skipped
-- Detecting C compile features
-- Detecting C compile features - done
-- /usr/bin/c++ /home/jpop/dev/pytorch/torch/abi-check.cpp -o /home/jpop/dev/pytorch/build/abi-check
-- Determined _GLIBCXX_USE_CXX11_ABI=1
-- Not forcing any particular BLAS to be found
-- Could not find ccache. Consider installing ccache to speed up compilation.
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX_1
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX_1 - Failed
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX_2
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX_2 - Success
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX2_1
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX2_1 - Failed
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX2_2
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX2_2 - Success
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX512_1
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX512_1 - Failed
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX512_2
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX512_2 - Failed
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX512_3
-- Performing Test C_HAS_AVX512_3 - Failed
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX_1
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX_1 - Failed
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX_2
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX_2 - Success
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX2_1
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX2_1 - Failed
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX2_2
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX2_2 - Success
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX512_1
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX512_1 - Failed
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX512_2
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX512_2 - Failed
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX512_3
-- Performing Test CXX_HAS_AVX512_3 - Failed
-- Current compiler supports avx2 extension. Will build perfkernels.
-- Performing Test CAFFE2_COMPILER_SUPPORTS_AVX512_EXTENSIONS
-- Performing Test CAFFE2_COMPILER_SUPPORTS_AVX512_EXTENSIONS - Success
-- Current compiler supports avx512f extension. Will build fbgemm.
-- Performing Test COMPILER_SUPPORTS_HIDDEN_VISIBILITY
-- Performing Test COMPILER_SUPPORTS_HIDDEN_VISIBILITY - Success
-- Performing Test COMPILER_SUPPORTS_HIDDEN_INLINE_VISIBILITY
-- Performing Test COMPILER_SUPPORTS_HIDDEN_INLINE_VISIBILITY - Success
-- Performing Test COMPILER_SUPPORTS_RDYNAMIC
-- Performing Test COMPILER_SUPPORTS_RDYNAMIC - Success
-- Found CUDA: /usr (found version "11.5")
-- The CUDA compiler identification is NVIDIA 11.5.119
-- Detecting CUDA compiler ABI info
-- Detecting CUDA compiler ABI info - done
-- Check for working CUDA compiler: /usr/bin/nvcc - skipped
-- Detecting CUDA compile features
-- Detecting CUDA compile features - done
-- Found CUDAToolkit: /usr/include (found version "11.5.119")
-- Looking for pthread.h
-- Looking for pthread.h - found
-- Performing Test CMAKE_HAVE_LIBC_PTHREAD
-- Performing Test CMAKE_HAVE_LIBC_PTHREAD - Success
-- Found Threads: TRUE
-- Caffe2: CUDA detected: 11.5
-- Caffe2: CUDA nvcc is: /usr/bin/nvcc
-- Caffe2: CUDA toolkit directory: /usr
-- Caffe2: Header version is: 11.5
-- /usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libnvrtc.so shorthash is 65f2c18b
-- Found CUDNN: /usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn.so
-- Could NOT find CUSPARSELT (missing: CUSPARSELT_LIBRARY_PATH CUSPARSELT_INCLUDE_PATH)
CMake Warning at cmake/public/cuda.cmake:276 (message):
  Cannot find cuSPARSELt library.  Turning the option off
Call Stack (most recent call first):
  cmake/Dependencies.cmake:44 (include)
  CMakeLists.txt:728 (include)

```

This is where is hangs and starts eating my ram. Running top shows only 1 process and the longest I left it running was a full 12 hours before I killed it manually.

Top:
```
top - 18:45:50 up 17 days,  1:31,  5 users,  load average: 4.02, 3.57, 3.11
Tasks: 653 total,   3 running, 650 sleeping,   0 stopped,   0 zombie
%Cpu(s):  0.0 us,  3.6 sy,  0.0 ni, 96.4 id,  0.0 wa,  0.0 hi,  0.0 si,  0.0 st
MiB Mem : 515817.6 total, 475834.0 free,   1960.6 used,  38023.0 buff/cache
MiB Swap:   8192.0 total,   8192.0 free,      0.0 used. 510498.2 avail Mem

    PID USER        PR  NI    VIRT    RES     SHR S  %CPU  %MEM     TIME+ COMMAND
 270330 root      20   0   33820   5824   4928 R 100.0   0.0  11:37.99 cmTC_604bb
```

### Versions

```
Collecting environment information...
PyTorch version: N/A
Is debug build: N/A
CUDA used to build PyTorch: N/A
ROCM used to build PyTorch: N/A

OS: Ubuntu 22.04.3 LTS (x86_64)
GCC version: (Ubuntu 11.4.0-1ubuntu1~22.04) 11.4.0
Clang version: Could not collect
CMake version: version 3.22.1
Libc version: glibc-2.35

Python version: 3.11.5 (main, Sep 11 2023, 13:54:46) [GCC 11.2.0] (64-bit runtime)
Python platform: Linux-6.2.16-060216-generic-x86_64-with-glibc2.35
Is CUDA available: N/A
CUDA runtime version: 11.5.119
CUDA_MODULE_LOADING set to: N/A
GPU models and configuration: GPU 0: NVIDIA A40
Nvidia driver version: 535.113.01
cuDNN version: Probably one of the following:
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn.so.8.2.4
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn_adv_infer.so.8.2.4
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn_adv_train.so.8.2.4
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn_cnn_infer.so.8.2.4
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn_cnn_train.so.8.2.4
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn_ops_infer.so.8.2.4
/usr/lib/x86_64-linux-gnu/libcudnn_ops_train.so.8.2.4
HIP runtime version: N/A
MIOpen runtime version: N/A
Is XNNPACK available: N/A

CPU:
Architecture:                    x86_64
CPU op-mode(s):                  32-bit, 64-bit
Address sizes:                   46 bits physical, 48 bits virtual
Byte Order:                      Little Endian
CPU(s):                          56
On-line CPU(s) list:             0-55
Vendor ID:                       GenuineIntel
Model name:                      Intel(R) Xeon(R) CPU E5-2690 v4 @ 2.60GHz
CPU family:                      6
Model:                           79
Thread(s) per core:              2
Core(s) per socket:              14
Socket(s):                       2
Stepping:                        1
CPU max MHz:                     3500.0000
CPU min MHz:                     1200.0000
BogoMIPS:                        5200.32
Flags:                           fpu vme de pse tsc msr pae mce cx8 apic sep mtrr pge mca cmov pat pse36 clflush dts acpi mmx fxsr sse sse2 ss ht tm pbe syscall nx pdpe1gb rdtscp lm constant_tsc arch_perfmon pebs bts rep_good nopl xtopology nonstop_tsc cpuid aperfmperf pni pclmulqdq dtes64 monitor ds_cpl vmx smx est tm2 ssse3 sdbg fma cx16 xtpr pdcm pcid dca sse4_1 sse4_2 x2apic movbe popcnt tsc_deadline_timer aes xsave avx f16c rdrand lahf_lm abm 3dnowprefetch cpuid_fault epb cat_l3 cdp_l3 invpcid_single pti intel_ppin ssbd ibrs ibpb stibp tpr_shadow vnmi flexpriority ept vpid ept_ad fsgsbase tsc_adjust bmi1 hle avx2 smep bmi2 erms invpcid rtm cqm rdt_a rdseed adx smap intel_pt xsaveopt cqm_llc cqm_occup_llc cqm_mbm_total cqm_mbm_local dtherm ida arat pln pts md_clear flush_l1d
Virtualization:                  VT-x
L1d cache:                       896 KiB (28 instances)
L1i cache:                       896 KiB (28 instances)
L2 cache:                        7 MiB (28 instances)
L3 cache:                        70 MiB (2 instances)
NUMA node(s):                    2
NUMA node0 CPU(s):               0-13,28-41
NUMA node1 CPU(s):               14-27,42-55
Vulnerability Itlb multihit:     KVM: Mitigation: VMX disabled
Vulnerability L1tf:              Mitigation; PTE Inversion; VMX conditional cache flushes, SMT vulnerable
Vulnerability Mds:               Mitigation; Clear CPU buffers; SMT vulnerable
Vulnerability Meltdown:          Mitigation; PTI
Vulnerability Mmio stale data:   Mitigation; Clear CPU buffers; SMT vulnerable
Vulnerability Retbleed:          Not affected
Vulnerability Spec store bypass: Mitigation; Speculative Store Bypass disabled via prctl
Vulnerability Spectre v1:        Mitigation; usercopy/swapgs barriers and __user pointer sanitization
Vulnerability Spectre v2:        Mitigation; Retpolines, IBPB conditional, IBRS_FW, STIBP conditional, RSB filling, PBRSB-eIBRS Not affected
Vulnerability Srbds:             Not affected
Vulnerability Tsx async abort:   Mitigation; Clear CPU buffers; SMT vulnerable

Versions of relevant libraries:
[pip3] flake8==6.0.0
[pip3] mypy-extensions==1.0.0
[pip3] numpy==1.26.0
[pip3] numpydoc==1.5.0
[pip3] optree==0.9.2
[conda] _anaconda_depends         2023.09             py311_mkl_1
[conda] blas                      1.0                         mkl
[conda] mkl                       2023.1.0         h213fc3f_46343
[conda] mkl-service               2.4.0           py311h5eee18b_1
[conda] mkl_fft                   1.3.8           py311h5eee18b_0
[conda] mkl_random                1.2.4           py311hdb19cb5_0
[conda] numpy                     1.24.3          py311h08b1b3b_1
[conda] numpy-base                1.24.3          py311hf175353_1
[conda] numpydoc                  1.5.0           py311h06a4308_0
[conda] optree                    0.9.2                    pypi_0    pypi
```

cc @malfet @seemethere