(OPRAH.com) -- "I'm thinking of throwing a little party," I tell my pal Karen as I hold the phone with one hand and fold a mountain of laundry with the other.

Two friends make Lisa Kogan promise not to flambé anything this time.

"No big thing, really, just a few old friends getting together for the holidays," I persist over the dead silence on the other end of the receiver. "Maybe you and Daniel, me and Johannes, and four or five other people who --"

"Daniel and I can't make it," she answers before I can finish.

"But I haven't given you the date."

"Look, Lisa, you know I've had health issues," she counters nervously. I explain to Karen that the American Medical Association has yet to classify "exceedingly dry cuticles" as the kind of condition that requires actual bed rest. "Still..." she mutters as her voice trails off.

That night in bed, I turn to Johannes (love of my life, father of my child, official party co-host). "Darling, I was thinking it's time we throw a little party," I venture.

"That sounds great, sweetheart."

"Really, pumpkin?"

"Of course, angel. I do have one small request, though."

"Anything, honey." He lifts his head and hands me his pillow. "Put this over my face and then hold it there until, oh, I don't know ... let's say, I stop moving."

There are lots of areas in which I excel. As I've already mentioned, I can fold laundry with one hand. I'm also quite capable of catching the cold of just about anybody living within my zip code. Oprah.com: How to face your inner perfectionist

I have the kind of magnetism that wordlessly beckons a guy wearing half a cantaloupe on his head to come sit next to me during long subway rides.

And, though I'm hard-pressed to explain exactly how I do it, I possess an almost mystical ability to purchase appliances, furniture, and clothing approximately six minutes before the extremely pricey item goes on sale.

The thing I can't do is host a genuinely wonderful party.

I attempt to invite several other friends, but one has elected to schedule elective surgery for that date (you know you're in trouble when a friend would rather have her hammertoes corrected than have dinner at your place); one claims our last brunch was like "a hostage situation with lox"; one -- and you know who you are -- pretends to be her own housekeeper, repeating, "I sorry, no English" over and over; and two different people choose not to attend but still make me swear that I won't flambé anything again ... like it's my fault they couldn't get their eyebrows to grow back after the crêpes Suzette incident of 2005.

I crawl into bed that night a broken woman. "Why do I suck at parties?" I ask Johannes.

He narrows his eyes. "Is this one of those trick questions like when you ask me if you need to lose weight and I say, 'Well, I suppose we could all stand to drop a pound or two,' and you spend the next 36 hours likening me to Satan?"

I make a mental note to explore why I suck at relationships on some future night. "No," I insist, "I really want to know what I'm doing wrong. Give it to me straight, Doc, I can take it."

He smiles and puts his book aside. "That's just it; the only thing you're doing wrong is constantly striving to do everything exactly right. You want the prettiest cocktail, the freshest flowers, candles lit, music playing, dinner timed, conversation sparkling, and you drive yourself and everybody else nuts trying to achieve it." Oprah.com: A lesson for the reluctant hostess

What does Columnist Lisa Kogan attempt to do ?

Answer: Lisa Kogan

Answer: throwing a little party,"

Summary:
Columnist Lisa Kogan attempts to throw a holiday party .
Friends, boyfriend tell Kogan she is a terrible hostess and refuse to come .
Kogan realizes she is too much of a perfectionist to relax and have fun .
Kogan's boyfriend invites couple over for spur of the moment dinner .


(OPRAH.com) -- "My beloved. The delight of my eyes." So says a poem inscribed in cuneiform on a lump of clay approximately 4,000 years ago. Why does love inspire such works of art? Recent science points to a possible answer -- and a difference between the way the brain reacts to love and lust. Last year psychologists in the Netherlands reported on a study where they asked a group of young men and women to imagine taking a long walk with their beloved (those without a partner imagined taking a walk with an "ideal" one). A different set of volunteers were asked to imagine having casual sex with someone they found attractive but were not in love with. Before and after, both groups were given a battery of tests to examine their creative and analytical abilities. The results: Thinking about a romantic partner stimulated "global processing" mechanisms in the brain, which increased long-term focus and improved creativity. Thinking about sex, on the other hand, stimulated "local processing," which increased focus on the present and heightened analytical thinking. Oprah.com: Tap into your right-brain thinking There may be a physiological explanation for these results. Feelings of romantic love can boost levels of dopamine, a neurochemical associated with creativity, while sexual desire can raise levels of testosterone, known to promote analytical skills. And these chemical links may have evolved for an important purpose: increasing the likelihood of sexual reproduction. In ancestral days, creative individuals may have used their inventiveness to attract future mates, while sex-focused individuals harnessed analytical clarity and short-term focus in order to bed a partner here and now. Thoughts of either love or sex could pay off in the form of children -- the ultimate measure of survival. While we no longer use cave drawings to attract our partners, you can still take advantage of this evolutionary link. Daydreaming about your sweetheart may boost inventiveness and help you come up with creative ideas, while sexual thoughts could help you solve an analytical puzzle. Oprah.com: How to fix whatever's broken In addition, it may be that jilted lovers who want to get over an ex faster would be better off replacing thoughts of what might have been with sexual fantasies. This might just help refocus your attention on the present -- and on the steps you need to take to rebuild, so that one day you'll be ready to write love notes again. Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now! TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

What did creative people use to attract mates?

Answer: their inventiveness

Summary:
New research from Netherlands says thinking about partner can increase focus .
Thinking about sex heightens analytical thinking instead, study finds .
In ancestral days, creative people may have used inventiveness to attract mates .


(OPRAH.com) -- Allow me to introduce myself. I am a gainfully employed, God-fearing, law-abiding citizen, and I come in peace. I don't bet on baseball, I take excellent care of my gums, I keep my tray table locked and upright from takeoff to landing.

Oh, and there's one more thing: I am what is commonly referred to in polite society as "an unmarried woman."

Truth be told, I now have a boyfriend and a baby girl --it's all very modern -- but much of my 30s involved ostensibly concerned bystanders averting their eyes, asking how many cats I own, and sharing their private theories on where it all went so hideously wrong for me.

Ah, yes, I remember it well. And when I start to forget, I still have plenty of single girlfriends in various states of angst to remind me of the grotesque fix-ups, the ham-handed remarks, and the brutal Thanksgiving dinners.

For those valiant, traumatized souls, I present my list of the ten things one must never say, think, or do when dealing with a single woman over the age of 35.

1. Hey, cousin Christy, how 'bout we break with tradition and dispense with that bridal bouquet toss? Believe it or not, it's actually a touch degrading to be shoved front and center next to your spinster aunt Mitzi from Winnipeg as a roomful of revelers hopped up on Champagne and jumbo shrimp chant, "You're next, you're next."

2. The word picky -- as in "the reason you refuse to meet my podiatrist's brother-in-law for a night of miniature golf is that you're too picky"-- is not only offensive, it's inaccurate. Hell, I'd have dated Ted Bundy if he were willing to meet in a well-lit, public place.

No, I suspect it was your description of his "slight comb-over" and "profound desire to one day shake Dick Cheney's hand" that made me release that "catch" back into the wilds of New Jersey.

Oprah.com: The number one thing to look for in a partner

3. Don't confuse being unmarried with being 11 . My love of SpongeBob-shaped macaroni and cheese notwithstanding, I never wanted to sit at the children's table. Nor did I want to ride in the backseat with your darling toddler, his pet tarantula, his Spider-Man glitter glue, and his melting Fudgsicle.

4. Kindly stop filling every conversational lull by announcing how much you love "Will & Grace." Being single is not the same thing as being gay, just as being married is not proof of being straight...but I'll cover that concept more fully in my upcoming "Uncle Barry's Very Special Surprise" article.

Oprah.com: How to break the ice with anyone

5. Has anybody out there noticed that the institution of matrimony is falling apart faster than Courtney Love on a can of Red Bull? Now, I honestly don't care if your marriage is so gothic in its dysfunction that it makes the couple from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" look like Will and Jada -- I'm not here to judge.

All I ask is that you quit judging me. Perhaps we're not suffering a fear of intimacy as much as a fear of being trapped in a crummy marriage.

6. Remember that little factoid you used to bandy about -- you know, the one where 40-year-old women have a greater chance of being shot by terrorists than of making it to the altar? Then you may also recall that Susan Faludi refuted that myth 14 years ago. So, okay, Ms. Faludi is probably rethinking that (thanks a lot, Osama!), but you don't have to rub it in.

7. Enough with the "constructive" criticism already. We live in a world of stunning technological advancement, but it remains physically impossible to wear your heart on your sleeve and be emotionally distant, dress like a slut and a librarian

Should they be given constructive criticism?

Answer: already.

Summary:
Columnist Lisa Kogan says please don't say these things to single women .
Dangerous to say, "Let me tell you why a terrific gal like you is still single...."
Don't tell them they're too picky for not wanting to date guy you've described .
Don't give them constuctive criticism or insinuate that they are gay .


(OPRAH.com) -- Attention single ladies! Comedian Steve Harvey, the best-selling author of "Act Like a Lady, Think Like Man" and a self-professed expert on manhood, is here to take you inside the male mind. Comedian Steve Harvey says real men like to provide and protect, but some also like to cheat. Whether you're looking for Mr. Right or trying to forget Mr. Wrong, Steve isn't holding anything back. Many women have long lists that describe what they're looking for in a man...but are their standards simply too high? Yinka and Lynell are two 30-something friends who have long lists. They're here to ask Steve if they'll ever find a man who meets all their requirements. Lynell says she's looking for a God-fearing, spontaneous African-American millionaire with straight teeth and nice shoes who wants children...among other things. "That would be the Lord," Steve jokes. "I'll be trying to meet him the same time you do." If a woman is serious about her list, Steve says she should ask herself one question before turning down a date. "Are you willing to be the same thing to him that you're talking about on that list?" he says. "A lot of women are not." In general, do women even need a list? Steve says single ladies do need to set standards. "I think lists are great. You've got to have them. You've got to know what you're looking for," he says. "Without standards, you settle for stuff." Before you get discouraged, Steve reminds women to stay patient and remember that real men aren't afraid of standards and requirements. "You've got to wait on this guy to come along. He's coming. He's out there. He's already created. God has already made him," he says. "He has a job. He's wearing the clothes you like. He's walking around. You're not waiting on him to be born. He exists today. All you've got to do is stay patient." Why do many successful, independent women have a hard time finding love? There are millions of smart, beautiful women around the world who can't figure out why they're unlucky in love, including a group of friends from New York. Steve is here to set them straight. Steve says many successful women dated good men but didn't know it at the time. "You don't know the DNA of a good man," he says. Even if you look like a million bucks -- and you have a few million in the bank -- Steve says a woman needs to know how a man shows his love. It's all about the "three P's." Oprah.com: Can a list help you find love? "We profess, we provide and we protect," he says. "A man has got to see where he fits into the providing and protecting role. If you've got everything, you can do everything, you've got your own car ... you've got a guard dog and a handgun. The guy is thinking, 'Where do I fit in here?' "You've got to make a space for him to fit in so he can come in and do what men do." Steve doesn't advise women to downplay their success or pack up their designer shoes. Instead, he says strong women have to walk a thin line. "You can't let your independence and your ability to take care of yourself be the dominant factor of who you are," he says. "You know how many times I hear women say: 'I don't need a man. I've got this. Why don't a man just come to me?' Just like you're saying it, you're projecting it. If you're projecting it, where does a man fit in there? Just relax." Oprah.com: How to act

what does harvey give tips on?
what does steve harvey say?

Answer: manhood,

Answer: real men like to provide and protect, but some also like to cheat.

Summary:
Looking for a man? Know what you want, Steve Harvey says .
A man must feel he can provide and protect his woman, he says .
Harvey's Top 5 reasons men cheat includes other women who are willing .
One of Harvey's tips for curing a mama's boy: Demand respect .


(OPRAH.com) -- Decision-making can be challenging for anyone, but when a couple needs to make a collective decision, the challenge becomes greater, psychologist Dr. Josh Klapow says.

Remind your partner that you are a team and collaboration is needed when facing differing opinions.

The key is to recognize that the decision-making process is the same regardless of the type of decision, Dr. Klapow says.

"Making decisions as a couple is not so much about what you decide on, but rather how you go about the process of making the decision," he says. "If you approach each decision with the same game plan, then over time, you will become experts at decision-making."

Dr. Klapow shares his five "smart" (set, monitor, arrange, recruit and treat) steps to collective decision-making.

Set a specific goal

Make sure you are very specific about what you want, Dr. Klapow says. For example, a goal of saving money is not specific enough; however, saying that you want to save an extra $100 per month by automatic deduction from your paychecks to pay off your credit card is specific.

"The more specific you are, the better," he says.

Monitor your discussion

As you are discussing the decision at hand, make sure you are staying on track, Dr. Klapow says.

"Very often couples will start discussing a goal and stray to some other topic, which can lead to frustration," he says. "If you notice yourself or your spouse getting off the subject, quickly come back to the specific goal." Oprah.com: The five best things to do for your relationship

Arrange the situation for success

Decision-making doesn't work well when someone is tired, hungry, short of time or preoccupied with other activities.

"Before you start the discussion, make sure each of you is in the right frame of mind and you have the time," Dr. Klapow says. If not, take a break from the discussion because it likely won't be productive.

Recruit support from one another

A collective decision means that sometimes there will be a compromise, Dr. Klapow says. If you are going into the discussion to win, then you are not making a collective decision -- you are fighting a battle, he says.

"Remind each other that you are a team and that you are in it to win collectively, not necessarily individually," he says.

Treat yourselves

Because decision-making can be one of the toughest challenges a couple faces, celebrate the success of a decision together.

"A hug, a celebratory reward -- anything that acknowledges that together you have accomplished this task -- will help keep you motivated to make decisions together again," Dr. Klapow says.

From The Peete's "Oprah & Friends" on Sirius XM Radio show

Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE.

Subscribe now!

TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

what do collective decisions require?
to who was klapow speaking
what tips does psychologist give?
what did klapow say

Answer: collaboration

Answer: couples

Answer: Treat yourselves

Answer: The key is to recognize that the decision-making process is the same regardless of the type of decision,

Summary:
Psychologist Dr. Josh Klapow gives tips for couples on decision-making .
Be specific about what you want, Dr. Klapow says .
Klapow: Stay on track while you are discussing your goals .
Collective decisions require a compromise, Dr. Klapow says .


(OPRAH.com) -- Don't confuse Katey Sagal for Peg Bundy -- it's a common mistake. Katey Sagal says being a mother has been her greatest teacher -- for all her roles. While her infamous alter ego was uneducated, Katey is thoughtful and well-spoken; Peg's fashion is time-warped (hello, bouffant!), Katey's is earthy; for every ounce of laziness in Peg's body, Katey has a multitasking one to match. It may have taken years for the actress to shake her TV counterpart, but watch Katey as fierce matriarch Gemma Morrow on FX's motorcycle drama "Sons of Anarchy" (which was released on DVD Tuesday), and you'll start to wonder, "Peg who?" Rachel Bertsche: You're known for playing three very different mothers -- "Married with Children's" Peg Bundy, Kate from "8 Simple Rules" and now Gemma. Plus, you have three kids of your own, two teenagers and a 2 1/2-year-old. Given all that on- and off-screen mothering experience, is there any universal quality that you would say all moms have? Katey Sagal: Being a mother has been my greatest teacher and also the most self-sacrificing thing I've ever done. I've never loved anybody the way I love my children. It's an experience I was surprised by. You have your boyfriend, your husband, your friends, but it's a different thing. It's deeper, and it's a fantastic -- and risky -- commitment to love that deeply. I think the characters I've played all have that quality, even Peg Bundy. She was devoted and loyal to her children in her own wacky way. But Gemma is intensely dedicated to her family and would do anything to protect her son and her extended family, which is the club. In my personal life, I don't know that I would go to the lengths for my kids that Gemma does, but close. Bertsche: You were Peg Bundy before you were actually a mom. Once you had your first child, id having firsthand experience change the way you played her? Sagal: Well, I've always been a maternal type, but yes, everything was different once I had kids. Your whole perspective on the world changes -- I love how I wasn't so self-obsessed anymore! I can't say my characterizations of Peggy necessarily changed much. I just understood more what I was doing. Bertsche: You mentioned your husband, Kurt Sutter, who is also the creator of your show. What's it like to mix family with business? Sagal: Most of the time it's super great. There are moments when it's not, of course, but most of the time it's nice because we actually get to see each other. His job is intense, so he doesn't get a day like I have today where he can stay home from work. When I'm there, we can sometimes have lunch together, stuff like that. The hard part gets to be like "OK, maybe we should talk about something else." It becomes the constant topic of conversation, the show and the kids, and we have to make a conscious effort to say, "Let's not talk about it tonight." Bertsche: People used to say that women of "a certain age" -- over 40 -- couldn't find any roles in Hollywood. That's certainly not true anymore, especially on cable, and you might be playing one of the toughest women out there. Why do think that has changed? Sagal: I don't know why it's changed, but I'm really grateful it has. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we're all living longer and suddenly it's okay to get older. Maybe there's a broader audience for these characters. The stories you can tell about older women are deeper. Plus, cable has opened up enormous possibilities. In feature films, you're still lucky if you're not the girlfriend or the wife

What series about cyclists is out on DVD?

what does Sagal says about being a mother?

What has given Sagal more insight in her roles?

What does Sagal say has given her insight into her major roles?

Who was Katey Sagal's character on Sons of Anarchy?

Answer: "Sons of Anarchy"

Answer: has been her greatest teacher

Answer: being a mother

Answer: FX's motorcycle drama

Answer: "Sons of Anarchy"

Answer: being a mother

Answer: "Sons of Anarchy"

Answer: Gemma

Summary:
Katey Sagal's series about cyclists, "Sons of Anarchy," is out on DVD .
Sagal says being a mother has given her insight into her major roles .
She hears rumors about "Lost," but nobody's told her anything personally .


(OPRAH.com) -- Every holiday season we are cursed with the same challenge: to articulate exactly how fond we are of our friends and family in the language of purchasable objects. Appreciate specific virtues of the people you're buying for and connect those qualities to fabulous presents. This begs a couple of questions, like, "How do I shop for gifts that please both my brother and his wife without offending my own soul?" Even if you love your brother dearly, you might spend way too much and give him a French designer tablecloth covered with a really terrific artichoke print, which would prompt his cute but rigidly uptight wife to say something like "Artichokes? Wow. Ha ha; only you would give us something like that! No, really, it's great!" And another deep and philosophical question: "How the hell am I supposed to express fondness for my extremely fancy friends when I have only $40?" Deciding I needed a psychic obstacle course that would train me to emerge victorious in this upcoming battle, I arrived at a strategy: I would theoretically buy gifts for people who were absolutely impossible to shop for. Oprah.com: Free (or really cheap!) gift ideas If I could climb these holiday Matterhorns, I could find presents for anyone. I asked myself: "Who in the world would best represent my worst nightmares in the area of budget holiday shopping?" And I came up with a holy celebrity trinity: Carla Bruni-Sarkozy (the mind-bogglingly fashionable, ex-supermodel wife of the president of France), Brad Pitt (the half-Brangelinian father of six, at last count), and ultracouple Jay-Z and Beyoncé (who I technically counted as one since I wanted to get something they'd both like). My budget for each: around $40. Obviously, this mission was going to require an insane level of creativity -- especially in a city like New York, where everything is so monstrously expensive. So I called women's clothing designer Gary Graham at his new boutique inside ABC Carpet & Home, a posh yet quirky department store filled with enormous golden Buddhas and strange chandeliers, and asked him to accompany me. "We should get my friend Charlie to take us to Flatbush," he offered. I knew immediately what Gary was getting at. The Flatbush section of Brooklyn is a fertile mix of Caribbean families, art school hipsters, neighborhood discount stores, and specialty shops crammed to the ceiling with exotic imports. Charlie -- writer and artist Charles Beyer -- met us at Phat Albert, a legendary discount store that sells everything from leather baby pants to Lucite shower fixtures. We agreed that when shopping on a budget for people rich enough to buy their own islands, the goal was to find objects that would underline qualities we liked about them, and let them know we understood their particular needs. "I think Brad Pitt would appreciate something that helps him control his children," I suggested. "I mean, he has so many of them. We need to find him a six-headed lollipop, or something that can keep the kids consolidated in space for a few minutes so he can rest." Oprah.com: The secrets of thrifty shoppers We found a gift that, with just a little bit of creative doctoring, might do the trick: an XXX-large T-shirt featuring the late hip-hop artist Tupac Shakur. "We could cut five more neck holes in it and call it a six-pac," said Charlie. It was tempting. This masterpiece of modern babysitting cost only $8.99, which would enable us to buy more child management aids. But I wasn't satisfied that Brad would be as thrilled with it as I wanted him to be. "Hey, check this out," said Charlie, having already moved on to Carla. "It's a camouflage duffel bag featuring a fake McDonald's logo." Even more beguiling was a secret pocket outside the bag, the fabric of which was printed with the image of a cheerful, anthropomorphic French fry

Who is the author that bought the gifts?

Answer: gifts for people who were absolutely impossible to shop for.

Answer: Charles Beyer

Answer: gifts for people who were absolutely impossible

Summary:
Author decides to buy three gifts under $40 for have-it-all people .
She picks Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Brad Pitt and ultracouple Jay-Z and Beyoncé .
Author and friends buy six child-size straw porkpie hats for Pitt .
They also buy Jay-Z and Beyonce matching slippers .


(OPRAH.com) -- Families all over the country are tightening their belts during this economic crisis, but some people are actually finding that cutting back can lead to richer lives.

The Heinz family makes a net income of $58,000 a year -- but they have $70,000 in savings.

The Heinz family makes a net income of $58,000 a year -- but they have $70,000 in savings.

How did they do it?

Sue Heinz is a stay-at-home mom with four children living in Sarasota, Florida.

To keep their family out of financial worry, she and her husband, Brett, have gotten thrifty.

With a prepaid cell phone used only for emergencies, the family's monthly bill is just $5.

By brown bagging his lunch and carpooling to work, Brett spends little money during the work week and saves $122 each month on gas.

Sue has found a way to snip $550 from their yearly budget by cutting the family's hair herself. And with a little online research, Brett found out how to do his own home repairs and says he has saved more than $6,000.

Sue says their thriftiness began 11 years ago when she and Brett first moved to Florida on a teacher's salary. "We had goals," she says. "We wanted to own a home, we wanted to have a big family -- and we knew we had to set our priorities to make that work."

The ride hasn't been all smooth sailing, and Sue says they incurred some credit card debt along the way. "But I'm very happy to say, and proud to say, that we're paying it back at nearly three times the minimum balance," she says. Oprah.com: How to get out of credit card debt

Although they've had to cut back in certain areas, Sue says their thrifty ways haven't curbed their lifestyle one bit. "We go to the beach once a week, we go bike riding with the kids, we do all kinds of fun things," she says. "There are second-run movie theaters; there are a lot of ways to have fun without spending money."

"It's an alternative to living beyond our means, really," Brett says. "Instead of spending too much money on things, we just make choices."

Sandberg family

On the other end of the spectrum, the Sandberg family is learning the need to cut back for the first time. Vicky and Mark have been married for 15 years and have two children. Until recently, the family has always brought in a double income. "Times in the construction industry have been really tough, and four months ago I lost my job as a recruiter and as a trainer," Vicky says.

With about 40 percent of their total income gone, the family has a new set of stress. Vicky and Mark say they've had to cut back their investment contributions toward their children's college funds and froze their individual retirement accounts. "My personal biggest fear is losing what we have, what we've worked so hard for," Mark says.

Can thrifty couple Sue and Brett help Vicky and Mark find ways to cut back? They begin with the Sandbergs' monthly budget and discover the Sandbergs are spending $650 a month in department stores on things for the kids -- clothing, video games and DVDs. "That's a big number," Sue says.

In addition, the Sandbergs are spending $190 each month on their phone, Internet and cable bill and $350 a month eating out at restaurants. All in all, the family is spending $8,744 a month, which is more than they are bringing in.

To get Vicky and Mark on track, Sue says they need to bring their monthly budget down to less than $8,000 per month. Sue gives them a basket for storing their daily receipts and a journal to write down their needs and wants. "You're going to take a good look and start to become extremely aware of where this money is going

how much does sue save a year
how much money did sue save?
what did the family do?
What does Family use for $5 a month?

Answer: $550

Answer: $70,000

Answer: cut back

Answer: a prepaid cell phone

Summary:
Family uses a prepaid, emergency-only cell phone for $5 a month .
Sue saves $550 from their yearly budget by cutting the family's hair herself .
Brett suggests brown bagging your lunch and carpooling to work .
Jennifer put her house on Craigslist and sold it two days later .


(OPRAH.com) -- For all the majesty of the White House, the first lady has already infused it with a palpable ease; her presence makes the place feel open and approachable. When we sit down to talk, Michelle Obama seems as relaxed as she did when I first interviewed her and her husband in their Chicago apartment in 2004. "This room has the best light in the house," she tells me as we settle in, shoes off, on a comfortable sofa. "And there's pie here, too. The pie in the White House is dangerously good." -- Oprah Winfrey

Michelle Obama is the first person to join Oprah Winfrey on the cover of O magazine

Oprah Winfrey: How are you a different woman today than you were when Barack Obama announced his candidacy in 2007?

Michelle Obama: I'm more optimistic. More hopeful. It comes from traveling all over America and connecting with so many different people. And this was long before anyone thought Barack had a chance. This was the kindness of strangers. I think we should all have to get to know one another around kitchen tables. It changed me. It's helped me to give other people the benefit of the doubt.

Winfrey: What did you see that changed you?

Obama: I saw our shared values. We fundamentally want the same things for ourselves and for each other. We want our kids to be safe and to grow up with some resources and aspire to a slightly better life than ours. No one's looking for a handout. People just want fairness and opportunity. Oprah.com:The heart and mind of Michelle Obama

Winfrey: That's so good to hear. Because you know what? We live in an "American Idol" culture where it seems like everyone just wants to be in the spotlight.

Obama: That's not the America I saw. People value their communities. They're rooting for one another. Even in places where I thought people wouldn't accept or relate to me, I always walked out feeling like, "Wow -- that was fun."

That changed me. And it helped prepare me for this. Because I think if you're going to be first lady, you have to believe in the possibility of what this country stands for. You have to see it in action and know what you're working toward. Oprah.com: How Michelle gets unstuck

Winfrey: That's so interesting -- and it all came from sitting around kitchen tables. Speaking of which, did you change your diet during the campaign?

Obama: When we first started running, my big concern was making sure we ate well on the road. So we started looking at our diet, trying to eliminate junk, getting seasonal fruits and vegetables that were grown locally. We walked the kids through reading labels. We talked about why one juice might be better than another.

Winfrey: That's right. In addition to eating well, do you work out?

Obama: Yes. There's a small gym here that has everything we need. I work out about four or five days a week -- and Barack does six. He's a workout zealot.

Winfrey: Well, you look better than ever -- despite the rumors that you've got a baby bump.

Obama: [Laughter.] I know -- I was like, "Baby bump? As hard as I work on my abs?!"

Winfrey: Okay, so that's settled. Back to exercise. You do treadmill?

Obama: I do treadmill, I do weights

Winfrey: I think anyone who saw you on the cover of Vogue knows you do weights. Those arms!

Obama: I also do some jump rope, some kickboxing -- and I'd like to take up Pilates, if I could figure out whether there's time. After I had Malia, I began to prioritize exercise because I realized that my happiness is tied to how I feel about myself. I want my girls to see a mother who takes care of herself, even if that means I have to get

Where did the First Lady learn about people's shared values?

Answer: our shared values.

Answer: Chicago

Answer: White House, the first lady

Summary:
Michelle Obama talks exercise and diet with Oprah Winfrey .
First lady says she learned about people's shared values while campaigning .
She exercises at 4:30 a.m. to feel good about herself .
She taught her daughters to read food labels for healthy eating .


(OPRAH.com) -- He can saw himself in half, sing a selection of Broadway showtunes and swing on a flying trapeze. Neil Patrick Harris says he'll try to make viewers feel like they're in good hands with him as Emmy host. When Neil Patrick Harris, one of the stars of the hit CBS sitcom "How I Met Your Mother," isn't dabbling in the extraordinary, well, he's probably hosting an awards show. In the late '80s, Neil -- known as NPH to his fans -- landed the starring role on "Doogie Howser, M.D." After years of child stardom and teen heartthrob status, Neil left the small screen for the stage. He became a respected Broadway actor, starring in shows like "Rent," "Cabaret" and "Proof," before returning to television. Now, millions know Neil as Barney Stinson, the womanizing, slap-happy sidekick on "How I Met Your Mother," which begins its fifth season September 21. Like Billy Crystal and Johnny Carson before him, this man-of-many-talents is also making his mark as an awards show host. On Sunday, September 20, Neil will host the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards. He shares his thoughts on fate, finding balance and making out with his co-star. Kari Forsee: How are you preparing for Emmy night? Neil Patrick Harris: I'm just trying to make sure all the comedy host elements are in place. We'll have a good opening bit and a couple surprise things throughout. We want to balance respecting the show and the doling out of the awards with the sort of random things that will keep the audience's attention in other ways. So that's kind of been my job. You want to make it unique and, yet, classic. That's a tricky dynamic. Oprah.com: Planning an Emmys party? Get 4 entertaining solutions KF: I can imagine. How often are you rehearsing? NPH: Well, it's sort of a litany of e-mails and phone calls all day with the producers. We had a great opening short film we are going to shoot, and it would be the first thing you shot. That was going to be with Alec Baldwin, and he withdrew at the last minute. So that got scrapped, and we're off to plan D, E or F. It's sort of like now you go: "That's fantastic, great. We've got that person," or "Oh, that person didn't work. Now what do we do?" A lot of "now what do we do?" questions. KF: Now at the Tony Awards, you sang a, may I say, legendary closing number. Will you be singing at the Emmys, or is dancing more the focus? NPH: I suspect you won't see me dancing very much. That's not my forte. But yeah, I might throw some sort of singing into it. I haven't quite decided. I sort of feel like the Emmys are so classy and glamorous and black tie, the host really needs to respect his job title. I think too much "Look at me! Look at me!" as the host of a show that big is counterproductive. So long as I make you feel confident that you're in good hands with me as the host, then it's my real responsibility to introduce you to a lot of other people and elements -- other presenters who are then going to talk to you or other introductions of next sections. That's my role. It's not really to be a song-and-dance man. KF: Did you look back at past Emmy hosts for inspiration? NPH: Very much. Steve Allen hosted the first televised awards, which was the 7th Annual Emmy Awards, in, I think, 1955, and he was great. That was sort of my inspiration for all of this. He just had such a dry wit, a commanding voice, a great presence. You knew when you were

What character does he play on "How I Met Your Mother"?

What show does Neil Patrick Harris star in?

How long will it  take for the new season of Mother?

What will he probably not do at the Emmys?

Answer: Barney Stinson,

Answer: "How I Met Your Mother,"

Answer: September 21.

Answer: "How I Met Your Mother,"

Answer: dancing

Summary:
Neil Patrick Harris taking classy route at Emmys Sunday night .
"How I Met Your Mother" actor may do some singing, probably no dancing .
"Mother" begins new season; Harris' Barney character gets physical with Robin .


(OPRAH.com) -- Her name was Margaret. She had an answer for everything, even questions I didn't ask her. She dominated team meetings, nearly jumping out of her chair with "Look at me!"--type comments aimed directly at the boss. There are some tactics to help you survive team destroyers. The rest of us sitting there, jaws slack with amazement and disgust -- we were merely a load she had to carry on her back. His name was Mike, and he hadn't done a full day's work in years, but he sure knew how to draw us into his life of woe. One night at 10 p.m., I found myself finishing his report on deadline. He couldn't be there, he said, because his father was sick. By that point, I wasn't even sure he had a father. But there I was, alone, frustrated, and exhausted, in a state of loathing for work so intense I wished I could ditch it all. Oprah.com: The truth about saying no at work And that is exactly where a dysfunctional co-worker --or as I call them, an "un-teammate" -- can put you. It's a crying shame, because working alongside a good team player is one of life's most fulfilling experiences. She makes work enjoyable; she makes it feel like something bigger than a paycheck. Working with team destroyers, well, destroys all that. They slow work down; they sap its fun, trust, and creativity. And in the process, they invariably undermine the candid and energized debate that characterizes any successful group. So why aren't they all sent packing? In good organizations, most are --eventually. But many team destroyers are like workplace Houdinis, escaping damage to their own careers while making everyone else look bad. These are the people you must survive. But how? The answer depends on the type of un-teammate you're dealing with. Generally speaking, there are five: Boss Haters, Stars, Sliders, Pity Parties, and Self-Promoters. Each species has its own way of poisoning the environment and its own antidote. The first thing you can do is start with the assumption that virtually every team destroyer is an unhappy person. No one tries to damage co-workers, a team, or an entire organization without being a bit emotionally damaged themselves. Oprah.com: 6 signs you're in the wrong job Boss haters, stars and sliders Let's start with the boss haters -- you know the type. Harry will tell you his disdain for authority is a reasonable reaction to the tyranny of incompetent bosses. Elizabeth will tell you she refuses to be oppressed by corporate lackeys. Other Boss Haters have personal issues behind their nitpicking resistance to every directive from above. I once met a manager who told me, "For a long time, I hated all my bosses because my father was a cruel authoritarian --I almost ruined my own career. Thank God I came to my senses." Such conversion experiences are rare, however. Most Boss Haters persist, using every kind of subterfuge from eye-rolling to outright belligerence, until management loses patience and ousts them. Some Boss Haters are hard to extricate because of union rules or special skills. If that's your situation, your best approach as the peer of a Boss Hater is a freeze-out. Don't belabor Harry's resistance or try reasoning with Elizabeth. Simply isolate; refuse to listen to their ongoing complaints. Once they're cut off from the group, Boss Haters tend to lose their energy. Now for Stars. Make no mistake -- organizations could not survive without their results. Fortunately, many key players are Stars largely because they are the best kind of employee, inclusive and inspiring, but some Stars can develop into real bullies. My team at a consulting firm had to endure Chad, an articulate (and, yes, brilliant) economics major from M.I.T. whom our clients adored. (Like other people in this piece, his name has been changed.) Sensing he was untouchable, Chad would

What should you refuse to do to a Boss Hater?

What types of dysfunction will you encounter?

Answer: Simply isolate;

Answer: Simply isolate; refuse

Answer: Boss Haters, Stars, Sliders, Pity Parties, and Self-Promoters.

Answer: five:

Answer: dysfunctional co-worker

Answer: Boss Haters, Stars, Sliders, Pity Parties, and Self-Promoters.

Summary:
There are five common dysfunctional co-workers you may encounter .
Types: Boss Haters, Stars, Sliders, Pity Parties, and Self-Promoters .
Refuse to listen to a Boss Hater; steer clear of Pity Parties; turn Slider into a mentor .
Praise will draw Star back to team but only if you can say it conviction .


(OPRAH.com) -- I know you've got the major risks in your financial life well taken care of: Your 401(k) is properly diversified to help you weather market volatility, and your reserve cash fund is on call to cover life's inevitable emergencies. Good work!

But I'm worried about your financial blind spots -- those pesky threats to your security that lurk behind seemingly sound decisions. Here are a few common traps, and advice to ensure that you won't get taken by surprise:

Perils of plastic

Good news: You've sworn off credit cards. Goodbye insane interest rates and fees! You're sticking with your debit card from now on.

Hidden risk: Debit card transactions aren't reported to the credit bureaus, so if you don't use a credit card, you'll have less of a payment history -- which hurts your FICO credit score.

How to stay on top: I love, love, love that you want to use your debit card. But to keep your credit score solid, you still need to keep a few credit cards and use them at least once every few months.

Even if you think you'll never need to borrow again, your FICO credit score has a big impact. It can affect your auto insurance premium and whether a landlord will rent to you, and many employers even check it when vetting a job application.

Cards issued by credit unions typically charge lower rates (generally limited to a max of 18 percent) and fewer fees. Check out CreditCardConnection.org to find the best options.

Oprah.com: How to deal with credit card debt

The bond issues

Good news: You're sleeping better than ever since you moved all your retirement money out of stocks and into bonds.

Hidden risk: You're approaching two land mines here. First up is inflation. Make it to age 65 and there's a good chance you'll live another 20 years or longer. (More on this in the next item.)

Over a 20-year period, a 4 percent average inflation rate (the historical norm since the '50s) will reduce the purchasing power of today's dollar to about 50 cents. That will make it very hard to maintain your standard of living in retirement.

Bonds aren't an ideal inflation hedge, since their historical returns are typically not much better than the inflation rate. Making matters worse, because of the financial crisis and the Federal Reserve's efforts to keep the economy growing, bond yields are at unprecedented lows.

This is not a permanent situation. Soon -- maybe this year or next -- interest rates, and thus bond yields, will start to rise. When rates rise, the market price of bonds falls. That hurts your portfolio.

How to stay on top: Every portfolio benefits from bonds; they provide a cushion when the stock market hits a rough patch. But avoiding stocks completely could mean your investment won't grow any faster than the rate of inflation.

As a general rule, your age is a good guideline for the percentage of bonds you want -- if you're 55, put 55 percent in bonds and 45 percent in stocks. If you're worried about putting money in stocks right now, stick with mutual funds or exchange-traded funds (ETFs) that focus on dividend-paying stocks.

The dividend payout is a steady stream of income, much like a bond, and right now the yield on some dividend portfolios is actually higher than the yield on a five-year Treasury bond. While dividend stocks have their own risk, if you have time on your side -- at least ten years -- you can pocket that nice dividend income today, ride out the volatility, and, over the long term, potentially earn inflation-beating gains.

Oprah.com: How to go green on the stock market

Live long -- and prosper? How to enjoy a long, comfortable retirement

Good news: You're likely to reach a much older age than women of previous generations. Today a woman of 65 will probably live 20 more years -- 60 percent longer than her life expectancy in 1900

What could not using your credit card do?

Answer: payment history

Answer: you'll have less of a payment history

Answer: Oprah.com:

Summary:
Money expert Suze Orman points out hidden costs to money moves .
How not using a credit card could hurt your FICO score .
You may not have enough financial protection for your children's future .
Playing too safe with your investments could come back to pinch you later .


(OPRAH.com) -- If there's anything Oprah Winfrey knows for sure, it's what the love of a dog can do for your life. "There is nothing in the world like puppy love," Oprah says. Inmates at the Fishkill Correctional Facility work with the dogs to prepare them to help wounded troops. Still, dogs are more than just companions. They can be the eyes for those who can't see, lead those who can't walk and calm people suffering from conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder. Where do these service dogs get their start? For some, it all begins behind prison walls... At the Fishkill Correctional Facility in upstate New York, more than 1,600 men convicted of abuse, robbery and murder are serving their time. "I've been incarcerated for robbery in the first degree," an inmate named Michael says. "I really had no regards for other people. It was always me, me, me, me." Now, a groundbreaking program called Puppies Behind Bars is transforming these offenders. Inmates are given 8-week-old puppies and taught to train them to become service dogs for the disabled, including wounded soldiers. The puppies and prisoners are together 24 hours a day. The puppies sleep in crates in the inmates' cells. In return, the puppies give the prisoners something many of them have never experienced before -- unconditional love. "I'm going to make my family and those around me proud of me again. Joining this program, it helped me to give myself a sense of pride again. To know that by nurturing and raising these dogs to their fullest potential, that I could give back." Oprah.com: Amazing animal friendships you have to see Animal lover and five-time Academy Award nominee Glenn Close first learned about Puppies Behind Bars when she volunteered to help inmates at the women's prison in her town. She was so moved by the impact of the program that she called "The Oprah Winfrey Show" herself to share this story. "We know the bond that can be created between humans and animals. And there is common knowledge that it's a healing quality," she says. "The bond that's created between inmates -- who never knew love, never knew responsibility, have only been told that they're worthless -- and the bond that they then train their dogs to establish with these wounded returning veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan is changing their lives." Oprah.com: 10 inspiring pets Roberto is an inmate whose life has been changed by the program. Convicted of second-degree murder, Roberto has been in prison since he was 17. "I am now 33 years old. I wish I could turn back the hands of time for the hurt and pain that I've caused so many people, especially my victim's family," he says. Roberto was chosen for Puppies Behind Bars and immediately bonded with his yellow lab, Frankie. "From the moment I got her, it was amazing," he says. "There was some beautiful moments in here that I shared with my puppy." Eventually, Frankie had to move on -- and Roberto had to say goodbye. "The first night I was without Frankie, I have to say it was a long night," he says. "It was hard for me to realize that the next morning I was going to wake up and not actually feed her that morning." Since leaving Roberto, Frankie has become a lifeline for Sgt. Allen Hill, who suffers from traumatic brain injury and severe combat-related post-traumatic stress disorder after he was hit by a roadside bomb in Iraq. Frankie helps Sgt. Hill overcome his paralyzing, violent flashbacks by kissing his face. After a few months together, Sgt. Hill and Frankie return to Fishkill to meet Roberto. When Frankie sees Roberto, she takes off running. "She looks beautiful," Roberto says. Sgt. Hill thanks Roberto for all that he's done. "Frankie has been there for me. She's been my rock when I've

What is the purpose of training the puppies?

What is the name of the training facility?

What is the name of the dog who helps Sgt. Allen Hill?

Answer: service dogs for the disabled, including wounded soldiers.

Answer: for the disabled, including wounded soldiers.

Answer: for the disabled, including wounded soldiers.

Answer: Fishkill Correctional

Answer: Frankie

Answer: work with the dogs to prepare them to help wounded troops.

Answer: service dogs for the disabled, including wounded soldiers.

Answer: Inmates at the Fishkill Correctional Facility

Summary:
Inmates at Fishkill Correctional Facility train puppies behind bars .
The pups will become service dogs for U.S. troops injured in Iraq, Afghanistan .
Dog Frankie helps Sgt. Allen Hill overcome paralyzing, violent flashbacks .
Trainer Roberto says Frankie taught him patience, responsibility .


(OPRAH.com) -- It's the story that has brought dating violence into the national spotlight. Police responded to a 911 call alleging domestic violence between singers Chris Brown and Rihanna last month.

Tyra Banks tells Oprah Winfrey about how abuse affected her.

Later that day, both pulled out of planned appearances at the Grammy Awards, and Brown turned himself into police. He was arrested on the suspicion of making criminal threats and was released on bail.

Weeks later, rumors of their reconciliation were reported.

On March 5, 2009, Brown appeared in court, charged with two counts of felony assault. His arraignment has been postponed until April 2009 while he remains free on bail.

Statistics say about one in three high school students have been -- or will be -- involved in an abusive relationship. "The message this story sends to teen girls and boys everywhere is disturbing, and it is also dangerous," Oprah Winfrey says. "We need to try to evolve from this moment ... use this as a moment to allow our society to begin to grow."

Oprah believes this story can be a teaching moment for every teen and parent. "Love doesn't hurt," she says. "And if a man hits you once, he will hit you again." Oprah.com: 10 questions to ask your teens

Over the past few years, talk show host Tyra Banks has interviewed both Brown and Rihanna. "Rihanna told me her parents used to argue so intensely, she used to get these headaches, these migraines that were almost not even treatable with medicine," Banks says. "The moment her parents separated, her migraines went away."

In his appearance on The Tyra Banks Show, Brown said he watched his mother suffer abuse from the time he was 7 years old until he was 13. The abuser was not his biological father. "I treat [women] differently because I know I never want to go through the same thing or put a woman through the same thing that the person put my mom through," Brown told Banks.

When Banks first heard about the alleged incident, she says she didn't believe it -- until the police report was released. "I went back to that interview and I said, 'Oh my God, he's repeating [the cycle of abuse].'"

Tyra cautions against judging Rihanna for going back to Brown. "Sometimes we hold these celebrities up to a higher standard, but we have to look at her as a human being and understand that she is no better or no different than any other girl," Banks says. "She is just as easily pulled into the cycle of abuse of going back."

"I think we need to send love to both of them," Oprah says. "For him to be healed, and for her to be healed also." Oprah.com: 4 ways to heal after a tragedy

Banks says she knows the cycle of abuse all too well. While in her 20s, Banks says she was emotionally abused. "He never hit me, but I would say there were blows to my spirit, blows to my emotional well-being every day," she says.

On the outside, Banks says no one could see the signs. But behind closed doors, she says he was jealous and blamed her for his bad moods. "He was a master at being able to be happy and nice to everybody else but whispering these negative things to me," she says. "I'd start complaining to my friends, and they're like: 'Well, he's fine, girl. He's fine with us. Everything's fine.'"

Although she was one of the top 10 models in the world at the time, she says her self-esteem sunk lower and lower. "I stayed because I felt like if I left and he didn't change and didn't treat me how I felt I deserved to be treated, I was a failure," she says.

One day, Banks says she finally confronted herself. "I walked to

What kind of abuse did Tyra Banks experience?

Answer: Banks

Answer: Rihanna

Answer: his mother suffer abuse from the time he was 7 years old until he was 13.

Answer: he watched his mother suffer abuse from the time he was 7 years old until he was 13.

Answer: Tyra Banks

Answer: every teen and parent.

Answer: domestic violence

Summary:
Oprah Winfrey: Rihanna abuse allegations can be used to help other teens .
Tyra Banks: Chris Brown says he watched his mother suffer years of abuse .
Banks: Don't judge Rihanna harshly for going back to Brown .
Banks says she was emotionally abused, begged mother to make her break up .


(OPRAH.com) -- Lust, love and like. A healthful, happy love relationship serves up three out of three. A healthful, happy love relationship is a passionate best friendship. Modern women could learn a few things about love and seduction from Scheherazade. Many women think men only care about the lust angle -- finding a hot bod for hot sex. Unfortunately, there are many men who do only care about this. In my book "Prince Harming Syndrome," I explain how relationships that are too focused on sex wind up being what my favorite philosopher buddy Aristotle called a relationship of pleasure -- where you find a sex-mate or a relationship of utility -- where you find an ego-mate or wallet-mate. However, a healthful, happy love relationship is what Aristotle calls a relationship of shared virtue -- when you find a soul mate. Where you each get one another at your core, inspire and support each other to grow into your best possible selves. A relationship of shared virtue is where you feel the whole triumvirate: lust, love and like. Meaning? If you want to fully seduce a man, then you've got to know how to grab a man by more than his you-know-what. You must truly turn on a man's soul! Oprah.com: 5 things that make you sexy If you sleep with a man before you feel safe knowing you connect on a soul-to-soul level, the relationship might start off hot -- but like steam into air, it will rise quickly then -- pfffft -- vanish into vapor. Or worse, you'll wind up getting burnt. This is so important to prioritize, that I'm repeating this reminder in bold italic letters: If you can't stimulate a man in more areas than from the waist down, you will only be attracting a relationship of pleasure or a relationship of utility. And this man will not remain your man for long. One of my favorite quotes about love comes from the book "The Little Prince": "It's only with the heart that one can see rightly; what's most important is invisible to the eye." I love that the Little Prince recognized that the heart (another metaphysical word for soul) is the best lens for love -- making this Little Prince a major Prince Charming. Seduction Tip 1 (in bold italics so you recognize it is crucial to remember): If you want to be a man's Princess Charming, you MUST do more than work on tightening your buns or boosting up your boobs! You MUST tap into what I call "The Scheherazade Effect." Oprah.com: What to do before you can find love Remember the tale of Scheherazade and her 1,001 nights? Scheherazade was absolutely a Princess Charming who knew how to grab and stimulate her king's soul. Voilà! The CliffsNotes on Scheherazade: There once was a king who got very bored with the women in his life very quickly. He would marry a new virgin, "shtup" her, then send her pretty self away pretty much immediately... to be beheaded. Talk about a bad breakup, huh? And talk about a King Harming, huh? Anyway, this king killed thousands of women by the time he finally met the enchantingly different Scheherazade. What made Scheherazade enchantingly different? Scheherazade loved to read books and had lots of fascinating ideas and interests to share. Wisely educated in morality and kindness, she had a passion for poetry, philosophy, sciences and arts. She kept the king on the edge of his bed -- not with mere alluring sexual positions -- but with alluring stories to be told, each more exciting than the next. And so the king kept Scheherazade alive -- eagerly anticipating each new tale -- until, lo and behold, 1,001 adventurous nights passed -- along with three sons -- and the king not only learned to love Scheherazade, but he made her his queen. Talk about living happily ever after, huh? The lesson learned? It's very seductive to a man when you, as a full-bodied and full souled

Her 1002 storied seduced his what?
What did an expert say about women?
Who did Scheherazade keep interested?

Answer: soul.

Answer: could learn a few things

Answer: her king's

Summary:
Scheherazade kept her head on her shoulders by keeping her king interested .
Her 1001 stories seduced his mind and soul .
Relying on physical seduction often leads to heartbreak than happiness .
Expert: If women want to hear "I do" they need to say "I don't" many times .


(OPRAH.com) -- Mindy Perlmutter was having a birthday party, but this was not just your garden variety, chocolate cake, two kinds of ice cream, balloons, and a piñata type soiree. No, this would be an affair to remember. Lisa Kogan has learned the hard way about when it's important to listen to loved ones. This would be even more fabulous than Alicia Mittenthal's tie-dye-your-own-pillowcase gala or Daisy Feng's macramé-your-own-bracelet bash. This was to be a build-your-own-terrarium shindig, complete with colored sand and plastic stones and an incredibly classy assortment of glass goldfish bowls. At the time (the time being about 34 years ago), it seemed like a very big deal --  I mean, let's be honest here, it would still be a big deal to go to a party where you get to build your own terrarium...in, you know, a kind of retro, '70s, ironic, hipster way. So there I sat, looking out the den window, which gave me a clear view to the driveway while I waited for my ride to come spirit me away. Actually, it hadn't been our den since my grandparents returned from their life in Miami Beach and my folks rented a hospital bed to turn the den into my grandmother's bedroom. I loved my grandmother, but I can't say I ever really got to know her. She was the lady who played bingo and walked with a cane and kept a plump red tomato pincushion next to the creaky old foot-pedal-powered Singer sewing machine. I remember that she put up her own pickles and draped strudel dough across the kitchen table, and I know that she learned to reupholster her own furniture and got her first driver's license when she was deep into her 50s, and I'm acutely aware that she spoke to my grandfather in a very stern Yiddish whenever he tried to convince me to watch "The Lawrence Welk Show." My grandmother endured an awful lot from the man, but no grandchild of hers was going to be forced to watch Lawrence Welk so long as she still had breath in her body. Anyway, the sun was going down and my ride was running late and my grandmother started to talk. I thought she was going to warn me to be careful of something or other, because she was from the generation who believed that pigeons carry polio and she worried a lot, but if she was anxious about anything that night, she didn't show it. "I used to love to go to parties," she told me. She might as well have said that she used to enjoy scaling Mount Everest in flip-flops and a tutu. I was pretty sure I'd heard all the stories from my grandmother's life --  and none of them involved a party. Oprah.com: How to write your own memoir The talk I'd heard was always the same: She and her mother and her five brothers and sisters starving through the bitter Russian winters in a little village whose name sounded like a sneeze. I knew about the malnutrition, the crippling rickets, the father who slaved away for years in Detroit trying to earn enough money to bring his wife and children to America and how when he finally did manage to save enough, the man he entrusted with the job of bringing the family over disappeared with the money (was he killed? did he steal it?), leaving my great-grandfather to start all over again. I'd heard how my great-uncles Sam and Isadore would scrounge through fields looking for anything edible while my grandmother supported everyone with her job as a maid to the butcher's wife, and I knew by heart the story of how she lost that job because the woman caught her taking a sip of milk. I also knew how she met Arthur Levy, the love of her life, who my great-aunt Molly swore looked "exactly like a young Perry Como," and that he died a few weeks after

What did the grandmother want to talk about?

Answer: a party

Answer: be careful of something or other,

Summary:
Grandmother wanted to talk about dances, boys, silvery blue dress .
But Lisa Kogan had a party to got to and ran out the door .
Now she wants that chilly October evening back to talk with her grandmother .
So when daughter wants to talk funny stuff, Lisa knows enough to listen .


(OPRAH.com) -- One of the original Kings of Comedy, Steve Harvey is the host of one of the most popular radio shows in the country, "The Steve Harvey Morning Show." His first book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," is shooting to the top of the best-seller lists, and Oprah Winfrey says she loves everything it has to say!

Harvey says this book has a special meaning for him. "This is the first project that I didn't do for money," he says. "Other than my foundation -- mentoring programs -- everything I do is for money. I tell jokes for a check; I'm on TV for a check. ... But this [book] right here I did purely to empower women."

In his book, Harvey says the way a man introduces you gives good insight into the status of your relationship. If a man introduces you as a friend or says your name with no title at all, Harvey says you have nothing. "We're very protective. We mark our territory. If a man loves you...he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something," he says.

"If he's introducing you after six months, 'This is...Oprah,' you should be standing there going, 'This is going nowhere.'"  Oprah.com: Read an excerpt from this best-selling book!

Man with a plan

Another thing women need to understand, according to Harvey, is that every man has a plan. "Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan," he says. "We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted."

When a man approaches a woman, Harvey says, he already knows what we wants from her, but he doesn't know what it will cost. "How much time do you want from me? What your standards? What are your requirements? Because we'll rise to the occasion no matter how high you set the bar if we want to," he says. "The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high." Oprah.com: What's your love type?

The cookie

Though a woman might want many things from a man, Harvey says men only need three things: support, loyalty and sex. Or as Harvey calls it, "the cookie." "We've got to have your support. Whatever adventure we're out on, whatever pursuit in life, we need your support. Then we need your loyalty. That's your love. We've got to know that you belong to us," he says. "And we've got to have a cookie. Everybody likes cookies. That's the thing about a cookie. I like oatmeal raisin...but if you've got vanilla cream, I'll eat that too."

Kickin' it

In his book, Harvey tells the story of his father-in-law's first introduction to one of Harvey's daughter's boyfriends.

"[My 26-year-old daughter] was dating this guy who was about 30. He had been over to the house about four, five times. And my father-in-law was visiting from Memphis," Harvey says. "He's in the kitchen and he's eating and [my daughter's] boyfriend is in there, and [my father-in-law] goes: 'So, son, sit down. Tell me, what's your plan for my granddaughter?'" After plenty of hemming and hawing, Harvey says the boyfriend finally said that the two were just "kickin' it."

Harvey was pretty confident his daughter didn't have the same interpretation of the relationship, he

What is he most famous for?
Who sets the bar too low when dating?

Answer: Kings of Comedy,

Answer: women

Summary:
Comedian Steve Harvey says women set the bar too low when dating .
Harvey: Workers wait 90 days for benefits; women should date 90 days before sex .
Texting is not dating, says Harvey, just easier way for men to tell more lies .
Men use terms like "gold digger" and "nagging" as weapons against women .


(OPRAH.com) -- One of the original Kings of Comedy, Steve Harvey is the host of one of the most popular radio shows in the country, "The Steve Harvey Morning Show." His first book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," is shooting to the top of the best-seller lists, and Oprah Winfrey says she loves everything it has to say! Harvey says this book has a special meaning for him. "This is the first project that I didn't do for money," he says. "Other than my foundation -- mentoring programs -- everything I do is for money. I tell jokes for a check; I'm on TV for a check. ... But this [book] right here I did purely to empower women." In his book, Harvey says the way a man introduces you gives good insight into the status of your relationship. If a man introduces you as a friend or says your name with no title at all, Harvey says you have nothing. "We're very protective. We mark our territory. If a man loves you...he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something," he says. "If he's introducing you after six months, 'This is...Oprah,' you should be standing there going, 'This is going nowhere.'"  Oprah.com: Read an excerpt from this best-selling book! Man with a plan Another thing women need to understand, according to Harvey, is that every man has a plan. "Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan," he says. "We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted." When a man approaches a woman, Harvey says, he already knows what we wants from her, but he doesn't know what it will cost. "How much time do you want from me? What your standards? What are your requirements? Because we'll rise to the occasion no matter how high you set the bar if we want to," he says. "The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high." Oprah.com: What's your love type? The cookie Though a woman might want many things from a man, Harvey says men only need three things: support, loyalty and sex. Or as Harvey calls it, "the cookie." "We've got to have your support. Whatever adventure we're out on, whatever pursuit in life, we need your support. Then we need your loyalty. That's your love. We've got to know that you belong to us," he says. "And we've got to have a cookie. Everybody likes cookies. That's the thing about a cookie. I like oatmeal raisin...but if you've got vanilla cream, I'll eat that too." Kickin' it In his book, Harvey tells the story of his father-in-law's first introduction to one of Harvey's daughter's boyfriends. "[My 26-year-old daughter] was dating this guy who was about 30. He had been over to the house about four, five times. And my father-in-law was visiting from Memphis," Harvey says. "He's in the kitchen and he's eating and [my daughter's] boyfriend is in there, and [my father-in-law] goes: 'So, son, sit down. Tell me, what's your plan for my granddaughter?'" After plenty of hemming and hawing, Harvey says the boyfriend finally said that the two were just "kickin' it." Harvey was pretty confident his daughter didn't have the same interpretation of the relationship, he

Answer: women

Summary:
Comedian Steve Harvey says women set the bar too low when dating .
Harvey: Workers wait 90 days for benefits; women should date 90 days before sex .
Texting is not dating, says Harvey, just easier way for men to tell more lies .
Men use terms like "gold digger" and "nagging" as weapons against women .


(OPRAH.com) -- One portion of macaroni and cheese. One slice of chocolate cake. One pair of svelte black pants. Do some very simple, if highly emotional, addition and subtraction, and you arrive at a whole new way to see yourself. The first documented instance of my distorted body image is an entry in my fourth-grade journal. "I just ate three cookies," it says. "I feel fat." There is no way that I actually was; my jeans, although dorky, fit just fine. Nevertheless, the disconnect grew worse as puberty approached -- especially in eighth grade, when the body mass index (BMI) entered my life. This is a formula that tells you whether you need to drop pounds -- and while it's generally reliable, it doesn't take body composition into account. At 5'4" and 140 pounds, I'm close to the overweight category, but that's only because I've got heavy bones and a sprinter's thighs. Every time I calculate my BMI, I get angry at myself, even though I'm aware that I am in good shape. But what do feelings have to do with numbers? Most women know that it is possible to immediately gain 15 pounds by eating one pint of Ben & Jerry's. And when it comes to your butt (which can enlarge six sizes in the wrong pair of jeans), the rules of physics no longer apply. Oprah.com: Start loving the way you look We need a better way to quantify these fluctuations -- a formula that goes beyond your BMI and calculates the feel of overweight. So I propose the personal body image index (PBII). The general idea is as follows: • Start with your weight.  • Subtract seven pounds if you have just worked out.  • Add five if you've single-handedly finished a plate of guacamole and chips; four for macaroni and cheese; six for death-by-chocolate cake.  • Subtract 10 pounds if people nearby are fatter than you. • If you're wearing black pants, subtract two; if in a bathing suit, add eight.  • If you are more than seven years older than the group average or are surrounded by bikini-clad undergraduates with toned stomachs and cellulite-free thighs, add 20. iReport.com: What kinds of things do you do you stay fit? I don't advocate letting the PBII dictate how you live your life; it could turn you into one of those people who spend their beach time camouflaging their lower halves with sarongs. But once you acknowledge that the PBII exists, you can take steps to improve your score. Some suggestions: Hang out with people older than you, preferably much older. This has three benefits: (a) You probably have fewer varicose veins than they do. (b) Truly old people are inspiring; they tend not to give a damn about what they look like in bathing suits. (c) Except for my elderly neighbor, who once greeted me by announcing that I'd gained weight in my face, older people are usually effusive with compliments. My friend Luba, who lived to 99, used to tell me how beautiful I was every time I saw her, even though she was blind. Watch those college girls on the beach. Notice how often they adjust their bikinis and glance at themselves in other people's sunglasses. They are totally insecure. Granted, they are probably also judging you, but still -- I find their self-doubt liberating. Isn't there some cosmic limit on how much body insecurity the universe can handle? Embrace the bikini now: "Look how skinny I was!" my mother says every time she sees a picture of herself from the 1970s. "I thought I was so fat. I was 130 pounds." My mother, now 66, is living proof that you should do everything in your power to enjoy your body as it is right now so you never have to look at an old photograph of yourself and wish you'd spent more time in

What is BMI short for?
What does BMI not take into account?

Answer: body mass index (BMI)

Answer: body composition

Summary:
Calculating your body mass index (BMI) does not take feelings into account .
The personal body image index uses other things besides height and weight .
Standing next to fat people, wearing black pants lowers your score .
Standing next to young, toned, bikini-clad women -- adds 20 points .


(OPRAH.com) -- Oprah Winfrey often says that moms have the hardest job in the world, but plenty of fathers carry the burden of raising a child all by themselves. In fact, 2.5 million single fathers in the United State are doing it all-- juggling schedules, putting food on the table and going to school plays or soccer games -- single-handedly. Larry Shine and his expanded family visited Oprah Winfrey on her show. Larry Shine and his wife, Kate, had their first son, Henry, 19 years ago. When Kate died of cancer only two-and-a-half years later, Larry says he was overwhelmed with grief. "The year after she died, I was just so immersed in the tragedy of her death," he says. "Then I thought: 'I can't live like this anymore. I can't have this be our life.'" He decided it was time for Henry to have a sibling. At the time, it was almost impossible for a single male to adopt in the United States, so Larry applied for both international adoption and surrogacy. Surprisingly, both applications went through, and soon Larry became a father of three. Still, he says he was ready for more. Today, Larry is raising nine children on his own! "I never thought I'd be a father of nine. Actually, I never imagined I'd be a father," he says. "Maybe this all happened for a purpose. Because if Kate hadn't died, I never would have done what I did and these kids wouldn't have had a home." Oprah.com: 8 things never to say to an adopted child When it comes to raising nine kids (Henry, 19; Ari, 16; Halle, 15; Eli, 13; Lili, 12; Sofia, 10; Genevieve, 8; Simone, 5; and Lucia, 3), Larry says there is never a dull moment. His schedule is jam-packed, and it starts at 3 a.m. As if being a single dad isn't enough work, Larry also works full time as a corporate attorney. "When the second bus picks up the younger kids at quarter of nine, I leave and drop Lucia off at daycare. Then I go to work all day and come back and pick her up when daycare closes at 6 o'clock and then head home," he says. "[I work at] a very warm and family-oriented firm, so they're very supportive." Though Larry's big family is thriving, he says there were a few small bumps along the way. Eli's arm broke when he was an infant and hadn't healed properly before he joined the Shine family, but Larry says extensive orthopedic surgery fixed the problem. Lili had failure to thrive syndrome, which caused her to have trouble connecting with others -- though Larry says she opened up after three months in his busy house and is doing great. And, Simone's speech was delayed, he says. "She had therapy for about six months, and now sometimes I wish I hadn't given her speech therapy," he jokes. Is there room for any more kids in the Shine family? Depends on whom you ask! "I thought five was it, and I thought six was it," Larry says. "My sense is that nine is probably it ... because international adoption's a lot more difficult, and I'm older. ... [But] I've been given a lot of opportunities, and if it happened again, I'd have a hard time saying no." Henry, who is a sophomore at Notre Dame, says the family is at capacity. "We're at a pretty full limit right now," he says. "Now that I'm in school, I'd like to be around if there's going to be another sibling." Though he's rooting for Lucia to be his youngest sibling, Henry says he's incredibly proud of his dad. "Just how selfless he is

How many kids did a man add to his family after his wide died?

Who started adopting so his son could have a sibling ?

Who adopted children so his son could have siblings?

One man added eight kids to family after his wife died of what ailment ?

Answer: Kate died of cancer

Answer: nine

Answer: Larry Shine

Answer: cancer

Answer: Larry

Answer: Larry Shine

Answer: cancer

Summary:
One man added eight kids to family after his wife died of cancer .
Larry Shine started adopting so his son could have a sibling .
He kept adopting because he couldn't say no to kids in need .
Another dad sets up blog, foundation to help widows, widowers raising kids .


(OPRAH.com) -- Oprah has always said that mothers have the most difficult job on earth, and actress Jenny McCarthy is one mom who has never backed down from a challenge. Doctors removed Monica's uterus, ovaries, gallbladder and part of her colon, along with her legs and arms. Jenny has been an outspoken advocate for parents of children with autism since her son was diagnosed with the disease two and a half years ago. In her new book, "Mother Warriors," Jenny tells the story of other moms fighting for their special-needs kids. So when Oprah heard about Monica, another mom fighting for her children, she thought Jenny would be just the person to get this mother warrior's story. After going through a painful divorce, Monica met Tony when she least expected it. Monica already had a 9-year-old daughter, but soon after she and Tony got engaged, they were thrilled to be expecting another bundle of joy. In August 2007, she had a C-section, and though she worried about complications, Monica delivered a healthy baby girl. But hours after Sofia was born, Monica began running a fever. No one was concerned at first -- Monica figured it was just hormones -- but three days later the fever hadn't broken, and Monica's abdomen was swollen and painful. iReport.com: What do you think about this story? Sound off on video The doctors at Monica's hospital thought she might be infected with a deadly strain of bacteria. They flew her to a hospital in Boston where she was diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis, also known as flesh-eating bacteria. Defying the odds, Monica survived, but many of her organs didn't. The doctors removed Monica's uterus, ovaries, gallbladder and part of her colon that same day. Within four weeks, Monica's infection had restricted the blood flow to her arms and legs. Her nurses cleaned her limbs every day, and she knew they were trying to keep her from seeing the damage. But Monica wanted to face the disease head on. "I needed to know what I was up against. I didn't want to be shielded anymore," Monica says. Eventually, doctors told Monica they had to amputate both arms and both legs. The surgery sounded scary, but Monica was determined to put it behind her and get back to her daughters. "I was frightened at first, but when they told me [my arms and legs] had to be amputated, it was: 'Do it. I've got to go home,'" Monica says. "[I thought,] 'I have a life to live and it's not here, and until you amputate, I can't move forward.'" After her amputation, Monica spent two months in the hospital, where she underwent a total of 37 surgeries. As Monica grew stronger, Tony realized there was no reason to postpone their wedding any longer -- they got married in the hospital chapel in October, 2007. Monica spent the next two months going through grueling rehabilitation. "She's a fighter," Tony says. "If they told her two hours of physical therapy a day, she'd ask to double it up to four. She wanted to come home as soon as possible. They didn't think she'd ever walk again, but she made it happen." Right before Christmas, Monica got what she'd been waiting for. She was given the okay to go home to her husband and two daughters. A year later, Jenny visited Monica and her family at their home outside Boston, Massachusetts. "I had a big aha! moment after spending six hours with her. Monica accepted what is. She looked down and said: 'Okay, this is the situation. I can't change this, so I might as well surrender to it,'" Jenny says. "When she does that, she is able to move forward in peace." Oprah.com: Jenny McCarthy answers parenting questions Nurses and doctors say they expected a "why me

What is the number of surgeries that doctors perform?

What was the number of surgeries Monica had?

Who was diagnosed with a deadly, flesh-eating bacteria after C-section?

Answer: husband and two daughters.

Answer: 37

Answer: Doctors removed Monica's uterus, ovaries, gallbladder and part of her colon, along with her legs and arms.

Answer: 37

Answer: necrotizing fasciitis,

Answer: already had a 9-year-old daughter,

Answer: put it behind her

Answer: a C-section,

Answer: Monica

Summary:
Monica was diagnosed with deadly, flesh-eating bacteria after C-section .
Doctors amputated Monica's limbs, did 37 surgeries .
"She's a fighter," husband says of Monica's strength and determination .
Monica now does everyday things for her two girls no matter how long they take .


(OPRAH.com) -- Shelly and her husband, Daren Forney, were the happily married parents of three beautiful girls, 13-year-old Jessica, 9-year-old Erica and 4-year-old Valerie. "Erica is my little sunshine because she lit up the house," Shelly says. "She was making us laugh before she was a year old."

Two days before Thanksgiving in 2008 , Shelly came back from a doctor's appointment to find emergency crews on her street. "There were all these people and a child lying on the ground," she says. "I had no idea it was my daughter."

Daren says Erica was riding her bike home from school. "Erica was just around the corner from our house," he says. "She was 30 seconds from being home safely."

Erica had been hit head-on by a 5,000-pound SUV. Police say that the driver had recently finished a phone call at the time of the accident. "The driver said: 'I'm so sorry. I didn't see her,'" Shelly says. "I felt badly for the driver because I thought: 'Oh, she's unconscious. She's going to be okay.' ... And they started cutting my daughter's clothes off and it was hitting me this is very, very, very serious."

Watch mom remember her daughter, the fatal day

Erica was rushed to the local children's hospital, then airlifted to another facility. "The neurosurgeon made it very clear she was going to die," Shelly says. "I spent the night with her that night. I held her. Cried. I kissed her. I sang to her. I just needed to have time with my girl."

The driver of the SUV, Michelle Smith, pleaded guilty last year to careless driving resulting in death and was sentenced to two years probation, a $300 fine and 150 hours of community service, according to the Denver Post. Her sentence also required her to write a letter of apology to the Forney family and have the letter published in newspapers.

Since Erica's death, Shelly and Daren have been working to change the laws in Colorado. "I don't want any other parent to have to go through this, or a husband to lose his wife," she says. "We have been trying so hard to get this law changed, and we're going to continue until it happens."

In the meantime, Shelly and Daren say every single person who gets behind the wheel can make a difference. "Get off the phone. Save a life. Don't talk and drive," she says. "You've got precious cargo in that car. Your life. Your children's life. They are not worth a phone call, a text, an e-mail. It's not worth it."

Nearly 500,000 people are injured and 6,000 are killed each year because drivers are talking, texting and e-mailing behind the wheel, according to the U.S. Department of Transportation.

"It is my prayer that this show, this day will be a seminal day in your life," Oprah Winfrey said on her show Tuesday.

"Let it be the end, the end of you using a cell phone or sending a text message when you are behind the wheel of a moving vehicle. And until we as a nation decide we're going to change that, those numbers are only going to go up."

Oprah.com: Take Oprah's no phone zone pledge

Most European countries ban the use of handheld cell phones while driving, but not all U.S. states have laws restricting texting and driving.

So far, 19 states and the District of Columbia have banned texting while driving. In seven states and the District of Columbia, drivers can only use their cell phones if they are hands-free. Of the states with these laws, Utah's laws are among the strictest, due to one distracted driver and two grieving families.

Oprah.com: Why multitaskers should beware

September 22, 2006, began like

What happened to Shelly and Daren Forney's daughter?

Answer: Erica had been hit head-on by a 5,000-pound SUV.

Answer: Shelly and her husband, Daren Forney,

Summary:
Oprah Winfrey talked with people who lost loved ones to accidents with distracted drivers .
Shelly and Daren Forney lost their daughter in an accident .
They are campaigning for tougher laws against driving while using a phone .
Winfrey asks people to make cars a no-cell-phone-zone .


(OPRAH.com) -- Some know Emmitt Smith as the National Football League's all-time leading rusher. Others recognize him as a three-time Super Bowl champion or a Dancing with the Stars winner.

But do you really know who Emmitt is?

Until he traced his genealogy for the NBC reality series "Who Do You Think You Are?", Emmitt says he didn't even know the answer to that question.

To find out more about himself and the family members who paved the way for his success, this hall-of-fame inductee followed his roots to Burnt Corn, Alabama, the town where his great-grandmother was born. "I feel like a detective on a hunt trying to find clues," he says.

In Burnt Corn, Emmitt wandered into a convenience store and asked a clerk if he knew two of his relatives, Bill and Victoria Watson. Coincidentally, Joe, the clerk, turned out to be Emmitt's second cousin.

Oprah.com: How to dig up your own family history

Emmitt soon learned that his great-great-grandmother, Victoria, had an unusual maiden name -- Puryear.

Genealogist Marjorie Sholes told Emmitt that "Puryear" was probably the name of a slave owner. "African-Americans, at the end of the Civil War, sometimes picked the names of their last slave owner," she says.

The next step? Emmitt went in search of Victoria's parents' names. In an old ledger, Marjorie found a man named Prince Puryear who was described with the letter "m," which meant mulatto. "Specifically, black/white race," she says.

Oprah.com: Chris Rock uncovers his genetic roots

They also discovered that Prince's mom was a woman named Mariah. "Now, I know that Prince was mixed race and born into slavery," Emmitt says. "If Mariah was his mother, could she be the link between the black and the white side of my family?"

To explore this theory, Emmitt traveled to Mecklenburg, Virginia, to learn more about a notorious slave trader who owned Mariah at some point in history. The man's name was Alexander Puryear.

Virginia historian John Caknipe said Samuel Puryear, Alexander's father, might be the link to Mariah. To find out for sure, John selected a book of old deeds from a shelf. The number on the book was 22 -- the same number Emmitt wore on the football field for 15 years.

"I've been wearing jersey number 22 since college," he says. "Maybe it is my destiny, and I've always believed I was a child of destiny, but, whew, this is ... it's making me a little bit nervous."

Emmitt says the family history he unearthed in book 22 shook him to the core. John helped him find a property deed stating that Mariah was transferred from Samuel to his son, Alexander.

"Samuel probably had her bred," John says. "Then, when she got old enough, he gave her to his son. ... They raised and bred horses, and raised and bred slaves."

"In other words, the horses were more important than any slaves that they ever had," Emmitt says. "They treated my people like animals...but worse than animals."

The deed stated that Mariah was passed down along with a horse bridle and a saddle. "She was such a young woman," Emmitt says. "I have a 13-year-old daughter right now, and I have a 10-year-old daughter right now. I couldn't imagine them being passed down through slavery that way."

Professor Steven Deyle, a domestic slave trade historian, says it's safe to assume that Samuel was, in fact, Mariah's father. "Alexander was engaged in this horrible, horrible traffic and why he didn't sell Mariah is because he recognized Mariah as his sister," Steven says.

After discovering the horrors his family endured, Emmitt says he's even more thankful for the power of progress. "

What was the last name of his great-great grandmother?

What was Smith's grandmother's maiden name?

Answer: Emmitt Smith

Answer: Burnt Corn, Alabama,

Answer: Puryear.

Answer: his roots

Answer: a detective

Answer: Puryear.

Summary:
NFL all-star Emmett Smith felt like a detective as he hunted for his family history .
He learned his great-great-grandmother, Victoria, had unusual maiden name: Puryear .
Traced her grandmother to a notorious slave trading family of same name .
Smith on his ancestor: "They treated my people like animals...but worse than animals"


(OPRAH.com) -- The recession has millions of consumers spending less, saving more and paying off debt. The fact that we are adjusting to the reality of this economy is good news, to be sure. There are items in any budget that can be scaled back easily. Financial expert Jean Chatzky warns there are items you should not cut out of your budget. But there's some spending areas where you shouldn't budge. Retirement planning The Pension Rights Center counted about 20 corporations in December that announced changes to their 401(k) plans. Many others have discontinued or downsized their traditional pension plans. If your company is still offering matching dollars, you should keep kicking in money to grab them. "To get that free money from your employer is so important for the long-term growth of your retirement nest egg. Especially now, with the down market, when you're dollar-cost averaging in at lower prices, that free money has more value in the long run," said Derek Kennedy, a financial planner in Cincinnati. If your company has cut back, it still pays to contribute. Also consider an Individual Retirement Account. You can get your money out any time and, after five years, use it without penalty for a first-time home purchase. Insurance Don't cut your homeowners insurance thinking that because home values have dropped you don't need as much coverage. What you're paying for is the amount it would cost to rebuild your home and replace your belongings. If you need to save, boost your policy's deductible. Raising it to $1,000 from $500 could shave 25 percent off the cost. Exercise Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota just completed a study that found that people who go to the gym at least eight times a month have significantly lower health costs than those who don't. You can get those same benefits by going for a brisk walk, running or riding a bike or by spending less than the cost of a monthly gym membership on a pair of dumbbells. Healthcare Some cuts are fine -- generic drugs instead of name brand, for instance. But skipping doctor visits is a bad idea, and so is canceling your insurance. "I've seen so many people go through horrendous financial nightmares and even bankruptcy because they don't have health insurance. This is just not one you want to mess with," said Jonni McCoy, author of "Miserly Moms: Living Well on Less in a Tough Economy." Charity Giving to others can make you feel better about yourself and your situation. If money is tight, donate items you no longer use, give canned goods, shop at thrift stores that benefit a charity or share some of your time. Oprah.com: Five steps to secure your financial future By Jean Chatzky and Arielle McGowen, Oprah.com exclusive, March 2009 Subscribe to O, The Oprah Magazine for up to 75% off the newsstand price. That's like getting 18 issues FREE. Subscribe now! TM & © 2009 Harpo Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

What does Chatzky advise about homeowner's insurance?

Who advises to keep house insurance coverage?

What could reduce health care costs significantly?

Where should you continue your contributions?

Answer: that found that people who go to the gym at least eight times a month have significantly lower health costs

Answer: people who go to the gym at least eight times a month have significantly lower health costs than those who don't.

Answer: Jean Chatzky

Answer: Jean Chatzky warns there

Answer: generic drugs instead of name brand,

Answer: that people who go to the gym at least eight times a month have significantly lower health costs than those who don't.

Answer: Giving to others can

Answer: generic drugs instead of name brand,

Answer: there are items you should not cut out of your budget.

Answer: Jean Chatzky

Answer: Giving to others

Answer: If your company is still offering matching dollars,

Answer: boost your policy's deductible.

Answer: Individual Retirement Account.

Summary:
Financial expert Jean Chatzky: Don't cut house insurance coverage .
Continue contributions to 401(k) if your company is matching .
Study finds exercise significantly cuts health care costs .
Giving money, goods or time to charities can make you feel good .