It Has Been Said (1985)

IT HAS BEEN SAID and collected by ROBERT BURRELL* "Infectious disease is one of the few genuine adventures left in the world."— Hans Zinsser "For more than forty years I have been speaking prose without knowing it."— Molière "Psychotherapy—The theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow ."—H. L. Mencken "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it."— Franklin P. Jones "The English spell much better than they pronounce."—Mark Twain "A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."—Robert Frost "I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one, for the simple reason that ifhe listened to me long enough, he might become disturbed."—James Thurber "A specialist is one who knows everything about something and nothing about everyone else."—Ambrose Bierce "If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research."—Wilson Mizner Material appearing under this title is collected with the aim of making the serious a bit less serious, the ponderous a bit less heavy, and the reading hours a bit more fun. Toward this goal we invite a guest editor of this feature for each issue. Will readers volunteer to share their senses of humor by collecting or recollecting items that have brought smiles to their faces? We invite your participation. ?Address: Department of Microbiology, West Virginia University Medical Center, Morgantown , West Virginia 26506. Perspectives in Biology and Medicine, 28, 4 ¦ Summer 1985 \ 587 "If a doctor were called on to treat typhoid fever, he would probably try to find out what kind of milk or water the patient drank, and perhaps clean out the well so that no one else could get typhoid from the same source. But if a lawyer were called on to treat a typhoid patient, he would give him 30 days injail, and then he would think that nobody else would ever dare to take it. If the patient got well in 15 days, he would be kept until his time was up; if the disease was worse at the end of 30 days, the patient would be released because his time was out."— Clarence Darrow in defense of Loeb and Leopold. "We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by."—Will Rogers "Those of us who are physicians are often told that we bury our mistakes; please bear in mind that lawyers live off theirs."—W. K. C. Morgan "Eschew obfuscation."—Graffiiti on wall of men's room in a gas station "Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?"—James Thurber "Incidentally, medicine has another indirect influence on war which is not negligible. There seems little doubt that some of the reckless courage of the American troops in the late war was stimulated by the knowledge that in front of them were only the Germans, but behind them were the assembled surgeons of America with sleeves rolled up."—Hans Zinsser from Rats, Lice and History "Puritanism—The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy."—H. L. Mencken "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."—Oscar Wilde "Support the American Bar Association—Send your child to Medical School."—Bumper sticker on car in hospital parking lot "If you prefer ? think, therefore I am' to 'non sum qualis eram,' then you are putting Descartes before Horace."—James Thurber "Gastrointestinal allergy is a diagnosis frequently entertained, occasionally evaluated, and rarely established."—F. J. Ingelfinger "But a theory that does not lead to useful and exciting predictions is like a sterile 'Man O'War.' "—Michael Heidelberger "Help stamp out entropy."—Bumper sucker at MIT "AU professions are organized conspiracies against the laity."—Bertrand Russell 588 Robert Burrell ¦ It Has Been Said and coüected by PAWAN SHARMA* "It is very humbling to realize that there is more information packed into the head of one spermatozoan than there is in all the volumes of the Journal of Biochemistry."—Sir Macfarlane Burnet "A clash of doctrines is not a disaster—it is an opportunity."—Alfred North Whitehead "To be touched with awe...