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+
+
+
+Produced by Donald Lainson
+
+
+
+
+
+THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB
+
+
+By William Makepeace Thackeray
+
+
+
+
+DRAMATIS PERSONAE.
+
+     MR. HORACE MILLIKEN, a Widower, a wealthy City Merchant.
+     GEORGE MILLIKEN, a Child, his Son.
+     CAPTAIN TOUCHIT, his Friend.
+     CLARENCE KICKLEBURY, brother to Milliken's late Wife.
+     JOHN HOWELL, M's Butler and confidential Servant.
+     CHARLES PAGE, Foot-boy.
+     BULKELEY, Lady Kicklebury's Servant.
+     MR. BONNINGTON.
+     Coachman, Cabman; a Bluecoat Boy, another Boy (Mrs. Prior's Sons).
+
+     LADY KICKLEBURY, Mother-in-law to Milliken.
+     MRS. BONNINGTON, Milliken's Mother (married again).
+     MRS. PRIOR.
+     MISS PRIOR, her Daughter, Governess to Milliken's Children.
+     ARABELLA MILLIKEN, a Child.
+     MARY BARLOW, School-room Maid.
+     A grown-up Girl and Child of Mrs. Prior's, Lady K.'s Maid, Cook.
+
+
+
+
+THE WOLVES AND THE LAMB.
+
+
+
+
+ACT I.
+
+
+Scene.--MILLIKEN'S villa at Richmond; two drawing-rooms opening into
+one another. The late MRS. MILLIKEN'S portrait over the mantel-piece;
+bookcases, writing-tables, piano, newspapers, a handsomely furnished
+saloon. The back-room opens, with very large windows, on the lawn and
+pleasure-ground; gate, and wall--over which the heads of a cab and a
+carriage are seen, as persons arrive. Fruit, and a ladder on the walls.
+A door to the dining-room, another to the sleeping-apartments, &c.
+
+
+JOHN.--Everybody out; governor in the city; governess (heigh-ho!)
+walking in the Park with the children; ladyship gone out in the
+carriage. Let's sit down and have a look at the papers. Buttons fetch
+the Morning Post out of Lady Kicklebury's room. Where's the Daily News,
+sir?
+
+PAGE.--Think it's in Milliken's room.
+
+JOHN.--Milliken! you scoundrel! What do you mean by Milliken? Speak of
+your employer as your governor if you like; but not as simple Milliken.
+Confound your impudence! you'll be calling me Howell next.
+
+PAGE.--Well! I didn't know. YOU call him Milliken.
+
+JOHN.--Because I know him, because I'm intimate with him, because
+there's not a secret he has but I may have it for the asking; because
+the letters addressed to Horace Milliken, Esq., might as well be
+addressed John Howell, Esq., for I read 'em, I put 'em away and docket
+'em, and remember 'em. I know his affairs better than he does: his
+income to a shilling, pay his tradesmen, wear his coats if I like. I
+may call Mr. Milliken what I please; but not YOU, you little scamp of a
+clod-hopping ploughboy. Know your station and do your business, or you
+don't wear THEM buttons long, I promise you. [Exit Page.]
+
+Let me go on with the paper [reads]. How brilliant this writing is!
+Times, Chronicle, Daily News, they're all good, blest if they ain't. How
+much better the nine leaders in them three daily papers is, than nine
+speeches in the House of Commons! Take a very best speech in the 'Ouse
+now, and compare it with an article in The Times! I say, the newspaper
+has the best of it for philosophy, for wit, novelty, good sense too. And
+the party that writes the leading article is nobody, and the chap that
+speaks in the House of Commons is a hero. Lord, Lord, how the world
+is 'umbugged! Pop'lar representation! what IS pop'lar representation?
+Dammy, it's a farce. Hallo! this article is stole! I remember a passage
+in Montesquieu uncommonly like it. [Goes and gets the book. As he is
+standing upon sofa to get it, and sitting down to read it, MISS PRIOR
+and the Children have come in at the garden. Children pass across stage.
+MISS PRIOR enters by open window, bringing flowers into the room.]
+
+JOHN.--It IS like it. [He slaps the book, and seeing MISS PRIOR who
+enters, then jumps up from sofa, saying very respectfully,]
+
+JOHN.--I beg your pardon, Miss.
+
+MISS P.--[sarcastically.] Do I disturb you, Howell?
+
+JOHN.--Disturb! I have no right to say--a servant has no right to be
+disturbed, but I hope I may be pardoned for venturing to look at
+a volume in the libery, Miss, just in reference to a newspaper
+harticle--that's all, Miss.
+
+MISS P.--You are very fortunate in finding anything to interest you in
+the paper, I'm sure.
+
+JOHN.--Perhaps, Miss, you are not accustomed to political discussion,
+and ignorant of--ah--I beg your pardon: a servant, I know, has no right
+to speak. [Exit into dining-room, making a low bow.]
+
+MISS PRIOR.--The coolness of some people is really quite extraordinary!
+the airs they give themselves, the way in which they answer one, the
+books they read! Montesquieu: "Esprit des Lois!" [takes book up which
+J. has left on sofa.] I believe the man has actually taken this from the
+shelf. I am sure Mr. Milliken, or her ladyship, never would. The other
+day "Helvetius" was found in Mr. Howell's pantry, forsooth! It is
+wonderful how he picked up French whilst we were abroad. "Esprit des
+Lois!" what is it? it must be dreadfully stupid. And as for reading
+"Helvetius" (who, I suppose, was a Roman general), I really can't
+understand how--Dear, dear! what airs these persons give themselves!
+What will come next? A footman--I beg Mr. Howell's pardon--a butler
+and confidential valet lolls on the drawing-room sofa, and reads
+Montesquieu! Impudence! And add to this, he follows me for the last two
+or three months with eyes that are quite horrid. What can the creature
+mean? But I forgot--I am only a governess. A governess is not a lady--a
+governess is but a servant--a governess is to work and walk all day with
+the children, dine in the school-room, and come to the drawing-room to
+play the man of the house to sleep. A governess is a domestic, only her
+place is not the servants' hall, and she is paid not quite so well as
+the butler who serves her her glass of wine. Odious! George! Arabella!
+there are those little wretches quarrelling again! [Exit. Children are
+heard calling out, and seen quarrelling in garden.]
+
+JOHN [re-entering].--See where she moves! grace is in all her steps.
+'Eaven in her high--no--a-heaven in her heye, in every gesture dignity
+and love--ah, I wish I could say it! I wish you may procure it, poor
+fool! She passes by me--she tr-r-amples on me. Here's the chair she sets
+in [kisses it.] Here's the piano she plays on. Pretty keys, them fingers
+out-hivories you! When she plays on it, I stand and listen at the
+drawing-room door, and my heart thr-obs in time! Fool, fool, fool! why
+did you look on her, John Howell! why did you beat for her, busy heart!
+You were tranquil till you knew her! I thought I could have been a-happy
+with Mary till then. That girl's affection soothed me. Her conversation
+didn't amuse me much, her ideers ain't exactly elevated, but they are
+just and proper. Her attentions pleased me. She ever kep' the best cup
+of tea for me. She crisped my buttered toast, or mixed my quiet tumbler
+for me, as I sat of hevenings and read my newspaper in the kitching. She
+respected the sanctaty of my pantry. When I was a-studying there, she
+never interrupted me. She darned my stockings for me, she starched and
+folded my chokers, and she sowed on the habsent buttons of which time
+and chance had bereft my linning. She has a good heart, Mary has. I know
+she'd get up and black the boots for me of the coldest winter mornings.
+She did when we was in humbler life, she did.
+
+Enter MARY.
+
+You have a good heart, Mary!
+
+MARY.--Have I, dear John? [sadly.]
+
+JOHN.--Yes, child--yes. I think a better never beat in woman's bosom.
+You're good to everybody--good to your parents whom you send half your
+wages to: good to your employers whom you never robbed of a halfpenny.
+
+MARY [whimpering].--Yes, I did, John. I took the jelly when you were in
+bed with the influenza; and brought you the pork-wine negus.
+
+JOHN.--Port, not pork, child. Pork is the hanimal which Jews ab'or. Port
+is from Oporto in Portugal.
+
+MARY [still crying].--Yes, John; you know everything a'most, John.
+
+JOHN.--And you, poor child, but little! It's not heart you want, you
+little trump, it's education, Mary: it's information: it's head, head,
+head! You can't learn. You never can learn. Your ideers ain't no good.
+You never can hinterchange em with mine. Conversation between us is
+impossible. It's not your fault. Some people are born clever; some are
+born tall, I ain't tall.
+
+MARY.--Ho! you're big enough for me, John. [Offers to take his hand.]
+
+JOHN.--Let go my 'and--my a-hand, Mary! I say, some people are born with
+brains, and some with big figures. Look at that great ass, Bulkeley,
+Lady K.'s man--the besotted, stupid beast! He's as big as a
+life-guardsman, but he ain't no more education nor ideers than the ox he
+feeds on.
+
+MARY.--Law, John, whatever do you mean?
+
+JOHN.--Hm! you know not, little one! you never can know. Have YOU ever
+felt the pangs of imprisoned genius? have YOU ever felt what 'tis to be
+a slave?
+
+MARY.--Not in a free country, I should hope, John Howell--no such a
+thing. A place is a place, and I know mine, and am content with the
+spear of life in which it pleases heaven to place me, John: and I wish
+you were, and remembered what we learned from our parson when we went
+to school together in dear old Pigeoncot, John--when you used to help
+little Mary with her lessons, John, and fought Bob Brown, the big
+butcher's boy, because he was rude to me, John, and he gave you that
+black hi.
+
+JOHN.--Say eye, Mary, not heye [gently].
+
+MARY.--Eye; and I thought you never looked better in all your life
+than you did then: and we both took service at Squire Milliken's--me as
+dairy-girl, and you as knife-boy; and good masters have they been to
+us from our youth hup: both old Squire Milliken and Mr. Charles as is
+master now, and poor Mrs. as is dead, though she had her tantrums--and I
+thought we should save up and take the "Milliken Arms"--and now we have
+saved up--and now, now, now--oh, you are a stone, a stone, a stone!
+and I wish you were hung round my neck, and I were put down the well!
+There's the hup-stairs bell. [She starts, changing her manner as she
+hears the bell, and exit.]
+
+JOHN [looking after her].--It's all true. Gospel-true. We were children
+in the same village--sat on the same form at school. And it was for her
+sake that Bob Brown the butcher's boy whopped me. A black eye! I'm not
+handsome. But if I were ugly, ugly as the Saracen's 'Ead, ugly as that
+beast Bulkeley, I know it would be all the same to Mary. SHE has never
+forgot the boy she loved, that brought birds'-nests for her, and
+spent his halfpenny on cherries, and bought a fairing with his first
+half-crown--a brooch it was, I remember, of two billing doves a-hopping
+on one twig, and brought it home for little yellow-haired, blue-eyed,
+red-cheeked Mary. Lord, Lord! I don't like to think how I've kissed 'em,
+the pretty cheeks! they've got quite pale now with crying--and she has
+never once reproached me, not once, the trump, the little tr-rump!
+
+Is it my fault [stamping] that Fate has separated us? Why did my young
+master take me up to Oxford, and give me the run of his libery and the
+society of the best scouts in the University? Why did he take me abroad?
+Why have I been to Italy, France, Jummany with him--their manners noted
+and their realms surveyed, by jingo! I've improved myself, and Mary has
+remained as you was. I try a conversation, and she can't respond. She's
+never got a word of poetry beyond Watt's Ims, and if I talk of Byron or
+Moore to her, I'm blest if she knows anything more about 'em than the
+cook, who is as hignorant as a pig, or that beast Bulkeley, Lady Kick's
+footman. Above all, why, why did I see the woman upon whom my
+wretched heart is fixed for ever, and who carries away my soul with
+her--prostrate, I say, prostrate, through the mud at the skirts of her
+gownd! Enslaver! why did I ever come near you? O enchantress Kelipso!
+how you have got hold of me! It was Fate, Fate, Fate. When Mrs. Milliken
+fell ill of scarlet fever at Naples, Milliken was away at Petersborough,
+Rooshia, looking after his property. Her foring woman fled. Me and the
+governess remained and nursed her and the children. We nursed the little
+ones out of the fever. We buried their mother. We brought the children
+home over Halp and Happenine. I nursed 'em all three. I tended 'em all
+three, the orphans, and the lovely gu-gu-governess. At Rome, where she
+took ill, I waited on her; as we went to Florence, had we been attacked
+by twenty thousand brigands, this little arm had courage for them all!
+And if I loved thee, Julia, was I wrong? and if I basked in thy beauty
+day and night, Julia, am I not a man? and if, before this Peri, this
+enchantress, this gazelle, I forgot poor little Mary Barlow, how could I
+help it? I say, how the doose could I help it?
+
+Enter Lady KICKLEBURY, BULKELEY following with parcels and a spaniel.
+
+LADY K.--Are the children and the governess come home?
+
+JOHN.--Yes, my lady [in a perfectly altered tone].
+
+LADY K.--Bulkeley, take those parcels to my sitting-room.
+
+JOHN.--Get up, old stoopid. Push along, old daddylonglegs [aside to
+BULKELEY].
+
+LADY K.--Does any one dine here to-day, Howell?
+
+JOHN.--Captain Touchit, my lady.
+
+LADY K.--He's always dining here.
+
+JOHN.--My master's oldest friend.
+
+LADY K.--Don't tell me. He comes from his club. He smells of smoke; he
+is a low, vulgar person. Send Pinhorn up to me when you go down stairs.
+[Exit Lady K.]
+
+JOHN.--I know. Send Pinhorn to me, means, Send my bonny brown hair, and
+send my beautiful complexion, and send my figure--and, O Lord! O Lord!
+what an old tigress that is! What an old Hector! How she do twist
+Milliken round her thumb! He's born to be bullied by women: and I
+remember him henpecked--let's see, ever since--ever since the time of
+that little gloveress at Woodstock, whose picter poor Mrs. M. made such
+a noise about when she found it in the lumber-room. Heh! HER picture
+will be going into the lumber-room some day. M. must marry to get rid
+of his mother-in-law and mother over him: no man can stand it, not M.
+himself, who's a Job of a man. Isn't he, look at him! [As he has been
+speaking, the bell has rung, the Page has run to the garden-door, and
+MILLIKEN enters through the garden, laden with a hamper, band-box, and
+cricket-bat.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Why was the carriage not sent for me, Howell? There was no
+cab at the station, and I have had to toil all the way up the hill with
+these confounded parcels of my lady's.
+
+JOHN.--I suppose the shower took off all the cabs, sir. When DID a man
+ever git a cab in a shower?--or a policeman at a pinch--or a friend when
+you wanted him--or anything at the right time, sir?
+
+MILLIKEN.--But, sir, why didn't the carriage come, I say?
+
+JOHN.--YOU know.
+
+MILLIKEN.--How do you mean I know? confound your impudence!
+
+JOHN.--Lady Kicklebury took it--your mother-in-law took it--went out
+a-visiting--Ham Common, Petersham, Twick'nam--doose knows where. She,
+and her footman, and her span'l dog.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Well, sir, suppose her ladyship DID take the carriage? Hasn't
+she a perfect right? And if the carriage was gone, I want to know, John,
+why the devil the pony-chaise wasn't sent with the groom? Am I to bring
+a bonnet-box and a hamper of fish in my own hands, I should like to
+know?
+
+JOHN.--Heh! [laughs.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Why do you grin, you Cheshire cat?
+
+JOHN.--Your mother-in-law had the carriage; and your mother sent for
+the pony-chaise. Your Pa wanted to go and see the Wicar of Putney. Mr.
+Bonnington don't like walking when he can ride.
+
+MILLIKEN.--And why shouldn't Mr. Bonnington ride, sir, as long as
+there's a carriage in my stable? Mr. Bonnington has had the gout, sir!
+Mr. Bonnington is a clergyman, and married to my mother. He has EVERY
+title to my respect.
+
+JOHN.--And to your pony-chaise--yes, sir.
+
+MILLIKEN.--And to everything he likes in this house, sir.
+
+JOHN.--What a good fellow you are, sir! You'd give your head off your
+shoulders, that you would. Is the fish for dinner to-day? Band-box
+for my lady, I suppose, sir? [Looks in]--Turban, feathers, bugles,
+marabouts, spangles--doose knows what. Yes, it's for her ladyship.
+[To Page.] Charles, take this band-box to her ladyship's maid. [To his
+master.] What sauce would you like with the turbot? Lobster sauce
+or Hollandaise? Hollandaise is best--most wholesome for you. Anybody
+besides Captain Touchit coming to dinner?
+
+MILLIKEN.--No one that I know of.
+
+JOHN.--Very good. Bring up a bottle of the brown hock? He likes the
+brown hock, Touchit does. [Exit JOHN.]
+
+Enter Children. They run to MILLIKEN.
+
+BOTH.--How d'you do, Papa! How do you do, Papa!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Kiss your old father, Arabella. Come here, George--What?
+
+GEORGE.--Don't care for kissing--kissing's for gals. Have you brought me
+that bat from London?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Yes. Here's the bat; and here's the ball [takes one from
+pocket]--and--
+
+GEORGE.--Where's the wickets, Papa. O-o-o--where's the wickets? [howls.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--My dear, darling boy! I left them at the office. What a silly
+papa I was to forget them! Parkins forgot them.
+
+GEORGE.--Then turn him away, I say! Turn him away! [He stamps.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--What! an old, faithful clerk and servant of your father and
+grandfather for thirty years past? An old man, who loves us all, and has
+nothing but our pay to live on?
+
+ARABELLA.--Oh, you naughty boy!
+
+GEORGE.--I ain't a naughty boy.
+
+ARABELLA.--You are a naughty boy.
+
+GEORGE.--He! he! he! he! [Grins at her.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Hush, children! Here, Arabella darling, here is a book for
+you. Look--aren't they pretty pictures?
+
+ARABELLA.--Is it a story, Papa? I don't care for stories in general.
+I like something instructive and serious. Grandmamma Bonnington and
+grandpapa say--
+
+GEORGE.--He's NOT your grandpapa.
+
+ARABELLA.--He IS my grandpapa.
+
+GEORGE.--Oh, you great story! Look! look! there's a cab. [Runs out.
+The head of a Hansom cab is seen over the garden-gate. Bell rings. Page
+comes. Altercation between Cabman and Captain TOUCHIT appears to go on,
+during which]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Come and kiss your old father, Arabella. He's hungry for
+kisses.
+
+ARABELLA.--Don't. I want to go and look at the cab; and to tell Captain
+Touchit that he mustn't use naughty words. [Runs towards garden. Page is
+seen carrying a carpet-bag.]
+
+Enter TOUCHIT through the open window smoking a cigar.
+
+TOUCHIT.--How d'ye do, Milliken? How are tallows, hey, my noble
+merchant? I have brought my bag, and intend to sleep--
+
+GEORGE.--I say, godpapa--
+
+TOUCHIT.--Well, godson!
+
+GEORGE.--Give us a cigar!
+
+TOUCHIT.--Oh, you enfant terrible!
+
+MILLIKEN [wheezily].--Ah--ahem--George Touchit! you wouldn't
+mind--a--smoking that cigar in the garden, would you? Ah--ah!
+
+TOUCHIT.--Hullo! What's in the wind now? You used to be a most
+inveterate smoker, Horace.
+
+MILLIKEN.--The fact is--my mother-in-law--Lady Kicklebury--doesn't like
+it, and while she's with us, you know--
+
+TOUCHIT.--Of course, of course [throws away cigar]. I beg her ladyship's
+pardon. I remember when you were courting her daughter she used not to
+mind it.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Don't--don't allude to those times. [He looks up at his
+wife's picture.]
+
+GEORGE.--My mamma was a Kicklebury. The Kickleburys are the oldest
+family in all the world. My name is George Kicklebury Milliken, of
+Pigeoncot, Hants; the Grove, Richmond, Surrey; and Portland Place,
+London, Esquire--my name is.
+
+TOUCHIT.--You have forgotten Billiter Street, hemp and tallow merchant.
+
+GEORGE.--Oh, bother! I don't care about that. I shall leave that when
+I'm a man: when I'm a man and come into my property.
+
+MILLIKEN.--You come into your property?
+
+GEORGE.--I shall, you know, when you're dead, Papa. I shall have this
+house, and Pigeoncot; and the house in town--no, I don't mind about the
+house in town--and I shan't let Bella live with me--no, I won't.
+
+BELLA.--No; I won't live with YOU. And I'LL have Pigeoncot.
+
+GEORGE.--You shan't have Pigeoncot. I'll have it: and the ponies: and I
+won't let you ride them--and the dogs, and you shan't have even a
+puppy to play with and the dairy and won't I have as much cream as I
+like--that's all!
+
+TOUCHIT.--What a darling boy! Your children are brought up beautifully,
+Milliken. It's quite delightful to see them together.
+
+GEORGE.--And I shall sink the name of Milliken, I shall.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Sink the name? why, George?
+
+GEORGE.--Because the Millikens are nobodies--grandmamma says they are
+nobodies. The Kickleburys are gentlemen, and came over with William the
+Conqueror.
+
+BELLA.--I know when that was. One thousand one hundred and one thousand
+one hundred and onety-one!
+
+GEORGE.--Bother when they came over! But I know this, when I come into
+the property I shall sink the name of Milliken.
+
+MILLIKEN.--So you are ashamed of your father's name, are you, George, my
+boy?
+
+GEORGE.--Ashamed! No, I ain't ashamed. Only Kicklebury is sweller. I
+know it is. Grandmamma says so.
+
+BELLA.--MY grandmamma does not say so. MY dear grandmamma says that
+family pride is sinful, and all belongs to this wicked world; and that
+in a very few years what our names are will not matter.
+
+GEORGE.--Yes, she says so because her father kept a shop; and so did
+Pa's father keep a sort of shop--only Pa's a gentleman now.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Darling child! How I wish I were married! If I had such a dear
+boy as you, George, do you know what I would give him?
+
+GEORGE [quite pleased].--What would you give him, god-papa?
+
+TOUCHIT.--I would give him as sound a flogging as ever boy had, my
+darling. I would whip this nonsense out of him. I would send him to
+school, where I would pray that he might be well thrashed: and if
+when he came home he was still ashamed of his father, I would put him
+apprentice to a chimney-sweep--that's what I would do.
+
+GEORGE.--I'm glad you're not my father, that's all.
+
+BELLA.--And I'M glad you're not my father, because you are a wicked man!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Arabella!
+
+BELLA.--Grandmamma says so. He is a worldly man, and the world is
+wicked. And he goes to the play: and he smokes, and he says--
+
+TOUCHIT.--Bella, what do I say?
+
+BELLA.--Oh, something dreadful! You know you do! I heard you say it to
+the cabman.
+
+TOUCHIT.--So I did, so I did! He asked me fifteen shillings from
+Piccadilly, and I told him to go to--to somebody whose name begins with
+a D.
+
+CHILDREN.--Here's another carriage passing.
+
+BELLA.--The Lady Rumble's carriage.
+
+GEORGE.--No, it ain't: it's Captain Boxer's carriage [they run into the
+garden].
+
+TOUCHIT.--And this is the pass to which you have brought yourself,
+Horace Milliken! Why, in your wife's time, it was better than this, my
+poor fellow!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Don't speak of her in THAT way, George Touchit!
+
+TOUCHIT.--What have I said? I am only regretting her loss for our sake.
+She tyrannized over you; turned your friends out of doors; took your
+name out of your clubs; dragged you about from party to party, though
+you can no more dance than a bear, and from opera to opera, though you
+don't know "God Save the Queen" from "Rule Britannia." You don't, sir;
+you know you don't. But Arabella was better than her mother, who has
+taken possession of you since your widowhood.
+
+MILLIKEN.--My dear fellow! no, she hasn't. There's MY mother.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Yes, to be sure, there's Mrs. Bonnington, and they quarrel
+over you like the two ladies over the baby before King Solomon.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Play the satirist, my good friend! laugh at my weakness!
+
+TOUCHIT.--I know you to be as plucky a fellow as ever stepped, Milliken,
+when a man's in the case. I know you and I stood up to each other for an
+hour and a half at Westminster.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Thank you! We were both dragons of war! tremendous champions!
+Perhaps I am a little soft as regards women. I know my weakness well
+enough; but in my case what is my remedy? Put yourself in my position.
+Be a widower with two young children. What is more natural than that
+the mother of my poor wife should come and superintend my family? My own
+mother can't. She has a half-dozen of little half brothers and sisters,
+and a husband of her own to attend to. I dare say Mr. Bonnington and my
+mother will come to dinner to-day.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Of course they will, my poor old Milliken, you don't dare to
+dine without them.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Don't go on in that manner, George Touchit! Why should not my
+step-father and my mother dine with me? I can afford it. I am a domestic
+man and like to see my relations about me. I am in the city all day.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Luckily for you.
+
+MILLIKEN.--And my pleasure of an evening is to sit under my own vine and
+under my own fig-tree with my own olive-branches round about me; to sit
+by my fire with my children at my knees: to coze over a snug bottle of
+claret after dinner with a friend like you to share it; to see the young
+folks at the breakfast-table of a morning, and to kiss them and so off
+to business with a cheerful heart. This was my scheme in marrying, had
+it pleased heaven to prosper my plan. When I was a boy and came from
+school and college, I used to see Mr. Bonnington, my father-in-law, with
+HIS young ones clustering round about him, so happy to be with him! so
+eager to wait on him! all down on their little knees round my mother
+before breakfast or jumping up on his after dinner. It was who should
+reach his hat, and who should bring his coat, and who should fetch his
+umbrella, and who should get the last kiss.
+
+TOUCHIT.--What? didn't he kiss YOU? Oh, the hard-hearted old ogre!
+
+MILLIKEN.--DON'T, Touchit! Don't laugh at Mr. Bonnington! he is as good
+a fellow as ever breathed. Between you and me, as my half brothers and
+sisters increased and multiplied year after year, I used to feel rather
+lonely, rather bowled out, you understand. But I saw them so happy that
+I longed to have a home of my own. When my mother proposed Arabella for
+me (for she and Lady Kicklebury were immense friends at one time), I was
+glad enough to give up clubs and bachelorhood, and to settle down as a
+married man. My mother acted for the best. My poor wife's character,
+my mother used to say, changed after marriage. I was not as happy as I
+hoped to be; but I tried for it. George, I am not so comfortable now as
+I might be. A house without a mistress, with two mothers-in-law reigning
+over it--one worldly and aristocratic, another what you call serious,
+though she don't mind a rubber of whist: I give you my honor my mother
+plays a game at whist, and an uncommonly good game too--each woman
+dragging over a child to her side: of course such a family cannot be
+comfortable. [Bell rings.] There's the first dinner-bell. Go and dress,
+for heaven's sake.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Why dress? There is no company!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Why? ah! her ladyship likes it, you see. And it costs nothing
+to humor her. Quick, for she don't like to be kept waiting.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Horace Milliken! what a pity it is the law declares a widower
+shall not marry his wife's mother! She would marry you else,--she would,
+on my word.
+
+Enter JOHN.
+
+JOHN.--I have took the Captain's things in the blue room, sir. [Exeunt
+gentlemen, JOHN arranges tables, &c.]
+
+Ha! Mrs. Prior! I ain't partial to Mrs. Prior. I think she's an artful
+old dodger, Mrs. Prior. I think there's mystery in her unfathomable
+pockets, and schemes in the folds of her umbrella. But--but she's
+Julia's mother, and for the beloved one's sake I am civil to her.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you Charles [to the Page, who has been seen to let
+her in at the garden-gate], I am so much obliged to you! Good afternoon,
+Mr. Howell. Is my daughter--are the darling children well? Oh, I am
+quite tired and weary! Three horrid omnibuses were full, and I have had
+to walk the whole weary long way. Ah, times are changed with me, Mr.
+Howell. Once when I was young and strong, I had my husband's carriage to
+ride in.
+
+JOHN [aside].--His carriage! his coal-wagon! I know well enough who old
+Prior was. A merchant? yes, a pretty merchant! kep' a lodging-house,
+share in a barge, touting for orders, and at last a snug little place in
+the Gazette.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--How is your cough, Mr. Howell? I have brought you some
+lozenges for it [takes numberless articles from her pocket], and if
+you would take them of a night and morning--oh, indeed, you would get
+better! The late Sir Henry Halford recommended them to Mr. Prior. He
+was his late Majesty's physician and ours. You know we have seen happier
+times, Mr. Howell. Oh, I am quite tired and faint.
+
+JOHN.--Will you take anything before the school-room tea, ma'am? You
+will stop to tea, I hope, with Miss Prior, and our young folks?
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you: a little glass of wine when one is so faint--a
+little crumb of biscuit when one is so old and tired! I have not been
+accustomed to want, you know; and in my poor dear Mr. Prior's time--
+
+JOHN.--I'll fetch some wine, ma'am. [Exit to the dining-room.]
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Bless the man, how abrupt he is in his manner! He quite
+shocks a poor lady who has been used to better days. What's here?
+Invitations--ho! Bills for Lady Kicklebury! THEY are not paid. Where is
+Mr. M. going to dine, I wonder? Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson, Sir John and
+Lady Tomkinson, request the pleasure. Request the pleasure! Of course
+they do. They are always asking Mr. M. to dinner. They have daughters
+to marry, and Mr. M. is a widower with three thousand a year, every
+shilling of it. I must tell Lady Kicklebury. He must never go to these
+places--never, never--mustn't be allowed. [While talking, she opens all
+the letters on the table, rummages the portfolio and writing-box, looks
+at cards on mantelpiece, work in work-basket, tries tea-box, and shows
+the greatest activity and curiosity.]
+
+Re-enter John, bearing a tray with cakes, a decanter, &c.
+
+Thank you, thank you, Mr. Howell! Oh, oh, dear me, not so much as that!
+Half a glass, and ONE biscuit, please. What elegant sherry! [sips a
+little, and puts down glass on tray]. Do you know, I remember in better
+days, Mr. Howell, when my poor dear husband--
+
+JOHN.--Beg your pardon. There's Milliken's bell, going like mad. [Exit
+John.]
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--What an abrupt person! Oh, but it's comfortable, this wine
+is! And--and I think how my poor Charlotte would like a little--she so
+weak, and ordered wine by the medical man! And when dear Adolphus comes
+home from Christ's Hospital, quite tired, poor boy, and hungry, wouldn't
+a bit of nice cake do him good! Adolphus is so fond of plum-cake, the
+darling child! And so is Frederick, little saucy rogue; and I'll give
+them MY piece, and keep my glass of wine for my dear delicate angel
+Shatty! [Takes bottle and paper out of her pocket, cuts off a great
+slice of cake, and pours wine from wine-glass and decanter into bottle.]
+
+Enter PAGE.
+
+PAGE.--Master George and Miss Bella is going to have their teas down
+here with Miss Prior, Mrs. Prior, and she's up in the school-room, and
+my lady says you may stay to tea.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you, Charles! How tall you grow! Those trousers would
+fit my darling Frederick to a nicety. Thank you, Charles. I know the way
+to the nursery. [Exit Mrs. P.]
+
+PAGE.--Know the way! I believe she DO know the way. Been a having cake
+and wine. Howell always gives her cake and wine--jolly cake, ain't it!
+and wine, oh, my!
+
+Re-enter John.
+
+JOHN.--You young gormandizing cormorant! What! five meals a day ain't
+enough for you! What? beer ain't good enough for you, hey? [Pulls boy's
+ears.]
+
+PAGE [crying].--Oh, oh, do-o-n't, Mr. Howell. I only took half a glass,
+upon my honor.
+
+JOHN.--Your a-honor, you lying young vagabond! I wonder the ground don't
+open and swallow you. Half a glass! [holds up decanter.] You've took
+half a bottle, you young Ananias! Mark this, sir! When I was a boy,
+a boy on my promotion, a child kindly took in from charity-school, a
+horphan in buttons like you, I never lied; no, nor never stole, and
+you've done both, you little scoundrel. Don't tell ME, sir! there's
+plums on your coat, crumbs on your cheek, and you smell sherry, sir! I
+ain't time to whop you now, but come to my pantry to-night after you've
+took the tray down. Come without your jacket on, sir, and then I'll
+teach you what it is to lie and steal. There's the outer bell. Scud, you
+vagabond!
+
+Enter LADY K.
+
+LADY K.--What was that noise, pray?
+
+JOHN.--A difference between me and young Page, my lady. I was
+instructing him to keep his hands from picking and stealing. I was
+learning him his lesson, my lady, and he was a-crying it out.
+
+LADY K.--It seems to me you are most unkind to that boy, Howell. He is
+my boy, sir. He comes from my estate. I will not have him ill-used. I
+think you presume on your long services. I shall speak to my son-in-law
+about you. ["Yes, my lady; no, my lady; very good, my lady." John has
+answered each sentence as she is speaking, and exit gravely bowing.]
+That man must quit the house. Horace says he can't do without him, but
+he must do without him. My poor dear Arabella was fond of him, but he
+presumes on that defunct angel's partiality. Horace says this person
+keeps all his accounts, sorts all his letters, manages all his affairs,
+may be trusted with untold gold, and rescued little George out of
+the fire. Now I have come to live with my son-in-law, I will keep his
+accounts, sort his letters, and take charge of his money: and if little
+Georgy gets into the grate, I will take him out of the fire. What is
+here? Invitation from Captain and Mrs. Hopkinson. Invitation from Sir
+John and Lady Tomkinson, who don't even ask me! Monstrous! he never
+shall go--he shall not go! [MRS. PRIOR has re-entered, she drops a very
+low curtsy to Lady K., as the latter, perceiving her, lays the cards
+down.]
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Ah, dear madam! how kind your ladyship's message was to the
+poor lonely widow woman! Oh, how thoughtful it was of your ladyship to
+ask me to stay to tea!
+
+LADY K.--With your daughter and the children? Indeed, my good Mrs.
+Prior, you are very welcome!
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Ah! but isn't it a cause of thankfulness to be MADE
+welcome? Oughtn't I to be grateful for these blessings?--yes, I say
+BLESSINGS. And I am--I am, Lady Kicklebury--to the mother--of--that
+angel who is gone [points to the picture]. It was your sainted daughter
+left us--left my child to the care of Mr. Milliken, and--and you, who
+are now his guardian angel I may say. You ARE, Lady Kicklebury--you
+are. I say to my girl, Julia, Lady Kicklebury is Mr. Milliken's guardian
+angel, is YOUR guardian angel--for without you could she keep her place
+as governess to these darling children? It would tear her heart in two
+to leave them, and yet she would be forced to do so. You know that some
+one--shall I hesitate to say whom I MEAN--that Mr. Milliken's mother,
+excellent lady though she is, does not love my child because YOU love
+her. You DO love her, Lady Kicklebury, and oh! a mother's fond heart
+pays you back! But for you, my poor Julia must go--go, and leave the
+children whom a dying angel confided to her!
+
+LADY K.--Go! no, never! not whilst I am in this house, Mrs. Prior. Your
+daughter is a well-behaved young woman: you have confided to me her long
+engagement to Lieutenant--Lieutenant What-d'you-call'im, in the Indian
+service. She has been very, very good to my grandchildren--she brought
+them over from Naples when my--my angel of an Arabella died there, and I
+will protect Miss Prior.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Bless you, bless you, noble, admirable woman! Don't take it
+away! I must, I WILL kiss your dear, generous hand! Take a mother's, a
+widow's blessings, Lady Kicklebury--the blessings of one who has known
+misfortune and seen better days, and thanks heaven--yes, heaven!--for
+the protectors she has found!
+
+LADY K.--You said--you had--several children, I think, my good Mrs.
+Prior?
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Three boys--one, my eldest blessing, is in a
+wine-merchant's office--ah, if Mr. Milliken WOULD but give him an order!
+an order from THIS house! an order from Lady Kicklebury's son-in-law!--
+
+LADY K.--It shall be done, my good Prior--we will see.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Another, Adolphus, dear fellow! is in Christ's Hospital.
+It was dear, good Mr. Milliken's nomination. Frederick is at Merchant
+Taylor's: my darling Julia pays his schooling. Besides, I have two
+girls--Amelia, quite a little toddles, just the size, though not so
+beautiful--but in a mother's eyes all children are lovely, dear Lady
+Kicklebury--just the size of your dear granddaughter, whose clothes
+would fit her, I am sure. And my second, Charlotte, a girl as tall as
+your ladyship, though not with so fine a figure. "Ah, no, Shatty!" I say
+to her, "you are as tall as our dear patroness, Lady Kicklebury, whom
+you long so to see; but you have not got her ladyship's carriage and
+figure, child." Five children have I, left fatherless and penniless by
+my poor dear husband--but heaven takes care of the widow and orphan,
+madam--and heaven's BEST CREATURES feed them!--YOU know whom I mean.
+
+LADY K.--Should you not like, would you object to take--a frock or two
+of little Arabella's to your child? and if Pinhorn, my maid, will let
+me, Mrs. Prior, I will see if I cannot find something against winter for
+your second daughter, as you say we are of a size.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--The widow's and orphans' blessings upon you! I said
+my Charlotte was as tall, but I never said she had such a figure as
+yours--who has?
+
+CHARLES announces--
+
+CHARLES.--Mrs. Bonnington! [Enter MRS. BONNINGTON.]
+
+MRS. B.--How do you do, Lady Kicklebury?
+
+LADY K.--My dear Mrs. Bonnington! and you come to dinner of course?
+
+MRS. B.--To dine with my own son, I may take the liberty. How are my
+grandchildren? my darling little Emily, is she well, Mrs. Prior?
+
+LADY K. [aside].--Emily? why does she not call the child by her blessed
+mother's name of Arabella? [To MRS. B.] ARABELLA is quite well, Mrs.
+Bonnington. Mr. Squillings said it was nothing; only her grandmamma
+Bonnington spoiling her, as usual. Mr. Bonnington and all your numerous
+young folk are well, I hope?
+
+MRS. B.--My family are all in perfect health, I thank you. Is Horace
+come home from the city?
+
+LADY K.--Goodness! there's the dinner-bell,--I must run to dress.
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Shall I come with you, dear Lady Kicklebury?
+
+LADY K.--Not for worlds, my good Mrs. Prior. [Exit Lady K.]
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--How do you do, my DEAR madam? Is dear Mr. Bonnington QUITE
+well? What a sweet, sweet sermon he gave us last Sunday. I often say
+to my girl, I must not go to hear Mr. Bonnington, I really must not, he
+makes me cry so. Oh! he is a great and gifted man, and shall I not have
+one glimpse of him?
+
+MRS. B.--Saturday evening, my good Mrs. Prior. Don't you know that my
+husband never goes out on Saturday, having his sermon to compose?
+
+MRS. P.--Oh, those dear, dear sermons! Do you know, madam, that my
+little Adolphus, for whom your son's bounty procured his place at
+Christ's Hospital, was very much touched indeed, the dear child, with
+Mr. Bonnington's discourse last Sunday three weeks, and refused to play
+marbles afterwards at school? The wicked, naughty boys beat the poor
+child; but Adolphus has his consolation! Is Master Edward well, ma'am,
+and Master Robert, and Master Frederick, and dear little funny Master
+William?
+
+MRS. B.--Thank you, Mrs. Prior; you have a good heart, indeed!
+
+MRS. P.--Ah, what blessings those dears are to you! I wish your dearest
+little GRANDSON---
+
+MRS. B.--The little naughty wretch! Do you know, Mrs. Prior, my
+grandson, George Milliken, spilt the ink over my dear husband's bands,
+which he keeps in his great dictionary; and fought with my child,
+Frederick, who is three years older than George--actually beat his own
+uncle!
+
+MRS. P.--Gracious mercy! Master Frederick was not hurt, I hope?
+
+MRS. B.--No; he cried a great deal; and then Robert came up, and that
+graceless little George took a stick; and then my husband came out, and
+do you know George Milliken actually kicked Mr. Bonnington on his shins,
+and butted him like a little naughty ram?
+
+MRS. P.--Mercy! mercy! what a little rebel! He is spoiled, dear madam,
+and you know by WHOM.
+
+MRS. B.--By his grandmamma Kicklebury. I know it. I want my son to whip
+that child, but he refuses. He will come to no good; that child.
+
+MRS. P.--Ah, madam, don't say so! Let us hope for the best. Master
+George's high temper will subside when certain persons who pet him are
+gone away.
+
+MRS. B.--Gone away! they never will go away! No, mark my words, Mrs.
+Prior, that woman will never go away. She has made the house her own:
+she commands everything and everybody in it. She has driven me--me--Mr.
+Milliken's own mother--almost out of it. She has so annoyed my dear
+husband, that Mr. Bonnington will scarcely come here. Is she not always
+sneering at private tutors, because Mr. Bonnington was my son's private
+tutor, and greatly valued by the late Mr. Milliken? Is she not making
+constant allusions to old women marrying young men, because Mr.
+Bonnington happens to be younger than me? I have no words to express my
+indignation respecting Lady Kicklebury. She never pays any one, and
+runs up debts in the whole town. Her man Bulkeley's conduct in the
+neighborhood is quite--quite--
+
+MRS. P.--Gracious goodness, ma'am, you don't say so! And then what an
+appetite the gormandizing monster has! Mary tells me that what he eats
+in the servants' hall is something perfectly frightful.
+
+MRS. B.--Everybody feeds on my poor son! You are looking at my cap, Mrs.
+Prior? [During this time MRS. PRIOR has been peering into a parcel which
+MRS. BONNINGTON brought in her hand.] I brought it with me across the
+Park. I could not walk through the Park in my cap. Isn't it a pretty
+ribbon, Mrs. Prior?
+
+MRS. P.--Beautiful! beautiful? How blue becomes you! Who would think you
+were the mother of Mr. Milliken and seven other darling children? You
+can afford what Lady Kicklebury cannot.
+
+MRS. B.--And what is that, Prior? A poor clergyman's wife, with a large
+family, cannot afford much.
+
+MRS. P.--He! he! You can afford to be seen as you are, which Lady K.
+cannot. Did you not remark how afraid she seemed lest I should enter her
+dressing-room? Only Pinhorn, her maid, goes there, to arrange the
+roses, and the lilies, and the figure--he! he! Oh, what a sweet, sweet
+cap-ribbon! When you have worn it, and are tired of it, you will give it
+me, won't you? It will be good enough for poor old Martha Prior!
+
+MRS. B.--Do you really like it? Call at Greenwood Place, Mrs. Prior, the
+next time you pay Richmond a visit, and bring your little girl with you,
+and we will see.
+
+MRS. P.--Oh, thank you! thank you! Nay, don't be offended! I must! I
+must! [Kisses MRS. BONNINGTON.]
+
+MRS. B.--There, there! We must not stay chattering! The bell has rung. I
+must go and put the cap on, Mrs. Prior.
+
+MRS. P.--And I may come too? YOU are not afraid of my seeing your hair,
+dear Mrs. Bonnington! Mr. Bonnington too young for YOU! Why, you don't
+look twenty!
+
+MRS. B.--Oh, Mrs. Prior!
+
+MRS. P.--Well, five-and-twenty, upon my word--not more than
+five-and-twenty--and that is the very prime of life. [Exeunt Mrs. B. and
+Mrs. P., hand in hand. As Captain TOUCHIT enters, dressed for dinner, he
+bows and passes on.]
+
+TOUCHIT.--So, we are to wear our white cravats, and our varnished boots,
+and dine in ceremony. What is the use of a man being a widower, if he
+can't dine in his shooting-jacket? Poor Mill! He has the slavery now
+without the wife. [He speaks sarcastically to the picture.] Well, well!
+Mrs. Milliken! YOU, at any rate, are gone; and with the utmost respect
+for you, I like your picture even better than the original. Miss Prior!
+
+Enter Miss PRIOR.
+
+MISS PRIOR.--I beg pardon. I thought you were gone to dinner. I heard
+the second bell some time since. [She is drawing back.]
+
+TOUCHIT.--Stop! I say, Julia! [She returns, he looks at her, takes her
+hand.] Why do you dress yourself in this odd poky way? You used to be
+a very smartly dressed girl. Why do you hide your hair, and wear such a
+dowdy, high gown, Julia?
+
+JULIA.--You mustn't call me Julia, Captain Touchit.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Why? when I lived in your mother's lodging, I called you
+Julia. When you brought up the tea, you didn't mind being called Julia.
+When we used to go to the play with the tickets the Editor gave us, who
+lived on the second floor--
+
+JULIA.--The wretch!--don't speak of him!
+
+TOUCHIT.--Ah! I am afraid he was a sad deceiver, that Editor. He was
+a very clever fellow. What droll songs he used to sing! What a heap of
+play-tickets, diorama-tickets, concert-tickets, he used to give you! Did
+he touch your heart, Julia?
+
+JULIA.--Fiddlededee! No man ever touched my heart, Captain Touchit.
+
+TOUCHIT.--What! not even Tom Flight, who had the second floor after the
+Editor left it--and who cried so bitterly at the idea of going out to
+India without you? You had a tendre for him--a little passion--you know
+you had. Why, even the ladies here know it. Mrs. Bonnington told me that
+you were waiting for a sweetheart in India to whom you were engaged; and
+Lady Kicklebury thinks you are dying in love for the absent swain.
+
+JULIA.--I hope--I hope--you did not contradict them, Captain Touchit.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Why not, my dear?
+
+JULIA.--May I be frank with you? You were a kind, very kind friend to
+us--to me, in my youth.
+
+TOUCHIT.--I paid my lodgings regularly, and my bills without asking
+questions. I never weighed the tea in the caddy, or counted the lumps of
+sugar, or heeded the rapid consumption of my liqueur--
+
+JULIA.--Hush, hush! I know they were taken. I know you were very good to
+us. You helped my poor papa out of many a difficulty.
+
+TOUCHIT [aside].--Tipsy old coal-merchant! I did, and he helped himself
+too.
+
+JULIA.--And you were always our best friend, Captain Touchit. When our
+misfortunes came, you got me this situation with Mrs. Milliken--and,
+and--don't you see?--
+
+TOUCHIT.--Well--what?
+
+JULIA [laughing].--I think it is best, under the circumstances, that the
+ladies here should suppose I am engaged to be married--or or, they might
+be--might be jealous, you understand. Women are sometimes jealous of
+others,--especially mothers and mothers-in-law.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Oh, you arch schemer! And it is for that you cover up that
+beautiful hair of yours, and wear that demure cap?
+
+JULIA [slyly].--I am subject to rheumatism in the head, Captain Touchit.
+
+TOUCHIT.--It is for that you put on the spectacles, and make yourself
+look a hundred years old?
+
+JULIA.--My eyes are weak, Captain Touchit.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Weak with weeping for Tom Flight. You hypocrite! Show me your
+eyes!
+
+MISS P.--Nonsense!
+
+TOUCHIT.--Show me your eyes, I say, or I'll tell about Tom Flight and
+that he has been married at Madras these two years.
+
+MISS P.--Oh, you horrid man! [takes glasses off.] There.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Translucent orbs! beams of flashing light! lovely lashes
+veiling celestial brightness! No, they haven't cried much for Tom
+Flight, that faithless captain! nor for Lawrence O'Reilly, that killing
+Editor. It is lucky you keep the glasses on them, or they would transfix
+Horace Milliken, my friend the widower here. DO you always wear them
+when you are alone with him?
+
+MISS P.--I never AM alone with him. Bless me! If Lady Kicklebury thought
+my eyes were--well, well--you know what I mean,--if she thought her
+son-in-law looked at me, I should be turned out of doors the next day,
+I am sure I should. And then, poor Mr. Milliken! he never looks at
+ME--heaven help him! Why, he can't see me for her ladyship's nose and
+awful caps and ribbons! He sits and looks at the portrait yonder, and
+sighs so. He thinks that he is lost in grief for his wife at this very
+moment.
+
+TOUCHIT.--What a woman that was--eh, Julia--that departed angel! What a
+temper she had before her departure!
+
+MISS P.--But the wind was tempered to the lamb. If she was angry--the
+lamb was so very lamblike, and meek, and fleecy.
+
+TOUCHIT.--And what a desperate flirt the departed angel was! I knew
+half a dozen fellows, before her marriage, whom she threw over, because
+Milliken was so rich.
+
+MISS P.--She was consistent at least, and did not change after marriage,
+as some ladies do; but flirted, as you call it, just as much as before.
+At Paris, young Mr. Verney, the attache, was never out of the house:
+at Rome, Mr. Beard, the artist, was always drawing pictures of her:
+at Naples, when poor Mr. M. went away to look after his affairs at St.
+Petersburg, little Count Posilippo was for ever coming to learn English
+and practise duets. She scarcely ever saw the poor children--[changing
+her manner as Lady KICKLEBURY enters] Hush--my lady!
+
+TOUCHIT.--You may well say, "poor children," deprived of such a woman!
+Miss Prior, whom I knew in very early days--as your ladyship knows--was
+speaking--was speaking of the loss our poor friend sustained.
+
+LADY K.--Ah, sir, what a loss! [looking at the picture.]
+
+TOUCHIT.--What a woman she was--what a superior creature!
+
+LADY K.--A creature--an angel!
+
+TOUCHIT.--Mercy upon us! how she and my lady used to quarrel! [aside.]
+What a temper!
+
+LADY K.--Hm--oh, yes--what a temper [rather doubtfully at first].
+
+TOUCHIT.--What a loss to Milliken and the darling children!
+
+MISS PRIOR.--Luckily they have YOU with them madam.
+
+LADY K.--And I will stay with them, Miss Prior; I will stay with them! I
+will never part from Horace, I am determined.
+
+MISS P.--Ah! I am very glad you stay, for if I had not YOU for a
+protector, I think you know I must go, Lady Kicklebury. I think you
+know there are those who would forget my attachment to these darling
+children, my services to--to her--and dismiss the poor governess. But
+while you stay I can stay, dear Lady Kicklebury! With you to defend me
+from jealousy I need not QUITE be afraid.
+
+LADY K.--Of Mrs. Bonnington? Of Mr. Milliken's mother; of the parson's
+wife who writes out his stupid sermons, and has half a dozen children of
+her own? I should think NOT indeed! I am the natural protector of these
+children. I am their mother. I have no husband! You STAY in this house,
+Miss Prior. You are a faithful, attached creature--though you were sent
+in by somebody I don't like very much [pointing to TOUCHIT, who went off
+laughing when JULIA began her speech, and is now looking at prints, &c.,
+in next room].
+
+MISS P.--Captain Touchit may not be in all things what one could wish.
+But his kindness has formed the happiness of my life in making me
+acquainted with YOU, ma'am: and I am sure you would not have me be
+ungrateful to him.
+
+LADY K.--A most highly principled young woman. [Goes out in garden and
+walks up and down with Captain TOUCHIT.]
+
+Enter Mrs. BONNINGTON.
+
+MISS P.--Oh, how glad I am you are come, Mrs. Bonnington. Have you
+brought me that pretty hymn you promised me? You always keep your
+promises, even to poor governesses. I read dear Mr. Bonnington's sermon!
+It was so interesting that I really could not think of going to sleep
+until I had read it all through; it was delightful, but oh! it's still
+better when he preaches it! I hope I did not do wrong in copying a part
+of it? I wish to impress it on the children. There are some worldly
+influences at work with them, dear madam [looking at Lady K. in the
+garden], which I do my feeble effort to--to modify. I wish YOU could
+come oftener.
+
+MRS. B.--I will try, my dear--I will try. Emily has sweet dispositions.
+
+MISS P.--Ah, she takes after her grandmamma Bonnington!
+
+MRS. B.--But George was sadly fractious just now in the school-room
+because I tried him with a tract.
+
+MISS P.--Let us hope for better times! Do be with your children, dear
+Mrs. Bonnington, as constantly as ever you can, for MY sake as well as
+theirs! I want protection and advice as well as they do. The GOVERNESS,
+dear lady, looks up to you as well as the pupils; SHE wants the teaching
+which you and dear Mr. Bonnington can give her! Ah, why could not Mr.
+and Mrs. Bonnington come and live here, I often think? The children
+would have companions in their dear young uncles and aunts; so pleasant
+it would be. The house is quite large enough; that is, if her ladyship
+did not occupy the three south rooms in the left wing. Ah, why, WHY
+couldn't you come?
+
+MRS. B.--You are a kind, affectionate creature, Miss Prior. I do not
+very much like the gentleman who recommended you to Arabella, you know.
+But I do think he sent my son a good governess for his children.
+
+Two Ladies walk up and down in front garden.
+
+TOUCHIT enters.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Miss Julia Prior, you are a wonder! I watch you with respect
+and surprise.
+
+MISS P.--Me! what have I done? a poor friendless governess--respect ME?
+
+TOUCHIT.--I have a mind to tell those two ladies what I think of Miss
+Julia Prior. If they knew you as I know you, O Julia Prior, what a short
+reign yours would be!
+
+MISS P.--I have to manage them a little. Each separately it is not so
+difficult. But when they are together, oh, it is very hard sometimes.
+
+Enter MILLIKEN dressed, shakes hands with Miss P.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Miss Prior! are you well? Have the children been good? and
+learned all their lessons?
+
+MISS P.--The children are pretty good, sir.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Well, that's a great deal as times go. Do not bother them
+with too much learning, Miss Prior. Let them have an easy life. Time
+enough for trouble when age comes.
+
+Enter John.
+
+JOHN.--Dinner, sir. [And exit.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Dinner, ladies. My Lady Kicklebury (gives arm to Lady K).
+
+LADY K.--My dear Horace, you SHOULDN'T shake hands with Miss Prior. You
+should keep people of that class at a distance, my dear creature. [They
+go in to dinner, Captain TOUCHIT following with Mrs. BONNINGTON. As they
+go out, enter MARY with children's tea-tray, &c., children following,
+and after them Mrs. PRIOR. MARY gives her tea.]
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Thank you, Mary! You are so very kind! Oh, what delicious
+tea!
+
+GEORGY.--I say, Mrs. Prior, I dare say you would like to dine best,
+wouldn't you?
+
+MRS. P.--Bless you, my darling love, I had my dinner at one o'clock with
+my children at home.
+
+GEORGY.--So had we: but we go in to dessert very often; and then don't
+we have cakes and oranges and candied-peel and macaroons and things! We
+are not to go in to-day; because Bella ate so many strawberries she made
+herself ill.
+
+BELLA.--So did you.
+
+GEORGY.--I'm a man, and men eat more than women, twice as much as women.
+When I'm a man I'll eat as much cake as ever I like. I say, Mary, give
+us the marmalade.
+
+MRS. P.--Oh, what nice marmalade! I know of some poor children--
+
+MISS P.--Mamma! don't, mamma [in an imploring tone].
+
+MRS. P.--I know of two poor children at home, who have very seldom nice
+marmalade and cake, young people.
+
+GEORGE.--You mean Adolphus and Frederick and Amelia, your children.
+Well, they shall have marmalade and cake.
+
+BELLA.--Oh, yes! I'll give them mine.
+
+MRS. P.--Darling, dearest child!
+
+GEORGE [his mouth full].--I won't give 'em mine: but they can have
+another pot, you know. You have always got a basket with you, Mrs.
+Prior. I know you have. You had it that day you took the cold fowl.
+
+MRS. P.--For the poor blind black man! oh, how thankful he was!
+
+GEORGE.--I don't know whether it was for a black man. Mary, get us
+another pot of marmalade.
+
+MARY.--I don't know, Master George.
+
+GEORGE.--I WILL have another pot of marmalade. If you don't, I'll--I'll
+smash everything--I will.
+
+BELLA.--Oh, you naughty, rude boy!
+
+GEORGE.--Hold YOUR tongue! I WILL have it. Mary shall go and get it.
+
+MRS. P.--Do humor him, Mary; and I'm sure my poor children at home will
+be the better for it.
+
+GEORGE.--There's your basket! now put this cake in, and this pat
+of butter, and this sugar. Hurray, hurray! Oh, what jolly fun! Tell
+Adolphus and Amelia I sent it to them--tell 'em they shall never want
+for anything as long as George Kicklebury Milliken, Esq., can give it
+'em. Did Adolphus like my gray coat that I didn't want?
+
+MISS P.--You did not give him your new gray coat?
+
+GEORGE.--Don't you speak to me; I'm going to school--I'm not going to
+have no more governesses soon.
+
+MRS. P.--Oh, my dear Master George, what a nice coat it is, and how well
+my poor boy looked in it!
+
+MISS P.--Don't, mamma! I pray and entreat you not to take the things!
+
+Enter JOHN from dining-room with a tray.
+
+JOHN.--Some cream, some jelly, a little champagne, Miss Prior; I thought
+you might like some.
+
+GEORGE.--Oh, jolly! give us hold of the jelly! give us a glass of
+champagne.
+
+JOHN.--I will not give you any.
+
+GEORGE.--I'll smash every glass in the room if you don't; I'll cut my
+fingers; I'll poison myself--there! I'll eat all this sealing-wax if you
+don't, and it's rank poison, you know it is.
+
+MRS. P.--My dear Master George! [Exit JOHN.]
+
+GEORGE.--Ha, ha! I knew you'd give it me; another boy taught me that.
+
+BELLA.--And a very naughty, rude boy.
+
+GEORGE.--He, he, he! hold your tongue Miss! And said he always got wine
+so; and so I used to do it to my poor mamma, Mrs. Prior. Usedn't to like
+mamma much.
+
+BELLA.--Oh, you wicked boy!
+
+GEORGY.--She usedn't to see us much. She used to say I tried her nerves:
+what's nerves, Mrs. Prior? Give us some more champagne! Will have
+it. Ha, ha, ha! ain't it jolly? Now I'll go out and have a run in the
+garden. [Runs into garden].
+
+MRS. P.--And you, my dear?
+
+BELLA.--I shall go and resume the perusal of the "Pilgrim's Progress,"
+which my grandpapa, Mr. Bonnington, sent me. [Exit ARABELLA.]
+
+MISS P.--How those children are spoilt! Goodness; what can I do? If I
+correct one, he flies to grandmamma Kicklebury; if I speak to another,
+she appeals to grandmamma Bonnington. When I was alone with them, I had
+them in something like order. Now, between the one grandmother and the
+other, the children are going to ruin, and so would the house too, but
+that Howell--that odd, rude, but honest and intelligent creature, I
+must say--keeps it up. It is wonderful how a person in his rank of life
+should have instructed himself so. He really knows--I really think he
+knows more than I do myself.
+
+MRS. P.--Julia dear!
+
+MISS P.--What is it, mamma?
+
+MRS. P.--Your little sister wants some underclothing sadly, Julia dear,
+and poor Adolphus's shoes are quite worn out.
+
+MISS P.--I thought so; I have given you all I could, mamma.
+
+MRS. P.--Yes, my love! you are a good love, and generous, heaven knows,
+to your poor old mother who has seen better days. If we had not wanted,
+would I have ever allowed you to be a governess--a poor degraded
+governess? If that brute O'Reilly who lived on our second floor had not
+behaved so shamefully wicked to you, and married Miss Flack, the singer,
+might you not have been Editress of the Champion of Liberty at this very
+moment, and had your Opera box every night? [She drinks champagne while
+talking, and excites herself.]
+
+MISS P.--Don't take that, mamma.
+
+MRS. P.--Don't take it? why, it costs nothing; Milliken can afford it.
+Do you suppose I get champagne every day? I might have had it as a girl
+when I first married your father, and we kep' our gig and horse, and
+lived at Clapham, and had the best of everything. But the coal-trade is
+not what it was, Julia. We met with misfortunes, Julia, and we went
+into poverty: and your poor father went into the Bench for twenty-three
+months--two year all but a month he did--and my poor girl was obliged to
+dance at the "Coburg Theatre"--yes you were, at ten shillings a week,
+in the Oriental ballet of "The Bulbul and the Rose:" you were, my poor
+darling child.
+
+MISS P.--Hush, hush, mamma!
+
+MRS. P.--And we kep' a lodging-house in Bury Street, St. James's,
+which your father's brother furnished for us, who was an extensive
+oil-merchant. He brought you up; and afterwards he quarrelled with my
+poor James, Robert Prior did, and he died, not leaving us a shilling.
+And my dear eldest boy went into a wine-merchant's office: and my poor
+darling Julia became a governess, when you had had the best of education
+at Clapham; you had, Julia. And to think that you were obliged, my
+blessed thing, to go on in the Oriental ballet of "The Rose and the
+Bul--"
+
+MISS P.--Mamma, hush, hush! forget that story.
+
+Enter Page from dining-room.
+
+PAGE.--Miss Prior! please, the ladies are coming from the dining-room.
+Mrs. B. have had her two glasses of port, and her ladyship is now
+a-telling the story about the Prince of Wales when she danced with him
+at Canton House. [Exit Page.]
+
+MISS P.--Quick, quick! There, take your basket! Put on your bonnet, and
+good-night, mamma. Here, here is a half sovereign and three shillings;
+it is all the money I have in the world; take it, and buy the shoes for
+Adolphus.
+
+MRS. P.--And the underclothing, my love--little Amelia's underclothing?
+
+MISS P.--We will see about it. Good-night [kisses her]. Don't be seen
+here,--Lady K. doesn't like it.
+
+Enter Gentlemen and Ladies from dining-room.
+
+LADY K.--We follow the Continental fashion. We don't sit after dinner,
+Captain Touchit.
+
+CAPTAIN T.--Confound the Continental fashion! I like to sit a little
+while after dinner [aside].
+
+MRS. B.--So does my dear Mr. Bonnington, Captain Touchit. He likes a
+little port-wine after dinner.
+
+TOUCHIT.--I'm not surprised at it, ma am.
+
+MRS. B.--When did you say your son was coming, Lady Kicklebury?
+
+LADY K.--My Clarence! He will be here immediately, I hope, the dear boy.
+You know my Clarence?
+
+TOUCHIT.--Yes, ma'am.
+
+LADY K.--And like him, I'm sure, Captain Touchit! Everybody does like
+Clarence Kicklebury.
+
+TOUCHIT.--The confounded young scamp! I say, Horace, do you like your
+brother-in-law?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Well--I--I can't say--I--like him--in fact, I don't. But
+that's no reason why his mother shouldn't. [During this, HOWELL,
+preceded by BULKELEY, hands round coffee. The garden without has
+darkened, as if evening. BULKELEY is going away without offering coffee
+to Miss PRIOR. JOHN stamps on his foot, and points to her. Captain
+TOUCHIT, laughing, goes up and talks to her now the servants are gone.]
+
+MRS. B.--Horace! I must tell you that the waste at your table is
+shocking. What is the need of opening all this wine? You and Lady
+Kicklebury were the only persons who took champagne.
+
+TOUCHIT.--I never drink it--never touch the rubbish! Too old a stager!
+
+LADY K.--Port, I think, is your favorite, Mrs. Bonnington?
+
+MRS. B.--My dear lady, I do not mean that you should not have champagne,
+if you like. Pray, pray, don't be angry! But why on earth, for you,
+who take so little, and Horace, who only drinks it to keep you company,
+should not Howell open a pint instead of a great large bottle?
+
+LADY K.--Oh, Howell! Howell! We must not mention Howell, my dear Mrs.
+Bonnington. Howell is faultless! Howell has the keys of everything!
+Howell is not to be controlled in anything! Howell is to be at liberty
+to be rude to my servant!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Is that all? I am sure I should have thought your man was big
+enough to resent any rudeness from poor little Howell.
+
+LADY K.--Horace! Excuse me for saying that you don't know--the--the
+class of servant to whom Bulkeley belongs. I had him, as a great favor,
+from Lord Toddleby. That class of servant is accustomed generally not to
+go out single.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Unless they are two behind a carriage-perch they pine away,
+as one love-bird does without his mate!
+
+LADY K.--No doubt! no doubt! I only say you are not accustomed here--in
+this kind of establishment, you understand--to that class of--
+
+MRS. B.--Lady Kicklebury! is my son's establishment not good enough for
+any powdered monster in England? Is the house of a British merchant--?
+
+LADY K.--My dear creature! my dear creature! it IS the house of a
+British merchant, and a very comfortable house.
+
+MRS. B.--Yes, as you find it.
+
+LADY K.--Yes, as I find it, when I come to take care of my departed,
+angel's children, Mrs. Bonnington--[pointing to picture]--of THAT
+dear seraph's orphans, Mrs. Bonnington. YOU cannot. You have other
+duties--other children--a husband at home in delicate health, who--
+
+MRS. B.--Lady Kicklebury, no one shall say I don't take care of my dear
+husband!
+
+MILLIKEN.--My dear mother! My dear Lady Kicklebury! [To T., who has come
+forward.] They spar so every night they meet, Touchit. Ain't it hard?
+
+LADY K.--I say you DO take care of Mr. Bonnington, Mrs. Bonnington, my
+dear creature! and that is why you can't attend to Horace. And as he
+is of a very easy temper--except sometimes with his poor Arabella's
+mother--he allows all his tradesmen to cheat him, all his servants to
+cheat him, Howell to be rude to everybody--to me amongst other people,
+and why not to my servant Bulkeley, with whom Lord Toddleby's groom of
+the chambers gave me the very highest character.
+
+MRS. B.--I'm surprised that noblemen HAVE grooms in their chambers. I
+should think they were much better in the stables. I am sure I always
+think so when we dine with Doctor Clinker. His man does bring such a
+smell of the stable with him.
+
+LADY K.--He! he! you mistake, my dearest creature! Your poor mother
+mistakes, my good Horace. You have lived in a quiet and most respectable
+sphere--but not--not--
+
+MRS. B.--Not what, Lady Kicklebury? We have lived at Richmond twenty
+years--in my late husband's time--when we saw a great deal of company,
+and when this dear Horace was a dear boy at Westminster School. And we
+have PAID for everything we have had for twenty years, and we have owed
+not a penny to any TRADESMAN, though we mayn't have had POWDERED
+FOOTMEN SIX FEET HIGH, who were impertinent to all the maids in the
+place--Don't! I WILL speak, Horace--but servants who loved us, and who
+lived in our families.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Mamma, now, my dear, good old mother! I am sure Lady
+Kicklebury meant no harm.
+
+LADY K.--Me! my dear Horace! harm! What harm could I mean?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Come! let us have a game at whist. Touchit, will you make a
+fourth? They go on so every night almost. Ain't it a pity, now?
+
+TOUCHIT.--Miss Prior generally plays, doesn't she?
+
+MILLIKEN.--And a very good player, too. But I thought you might like it.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Well, not exactly. I don't like sixpenny points, Horace, or
+quarrelling with old dragons about the odd trick. I will go and smoke
+a cigar on the terrace, and contemplate the silver Thames, the darkling
+woods, the starry hosts of heaven. I--I like smoking better than playing
+whist. [MILLIKEN rings bell.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Ah, George! you're not fit for domestic felicity.
+
+TOUCHIT.--No, not exactly.
+
+HOWELL enters.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Lights and a whist-table. Oh, I see you bring 'em. You know
+everything I want. He knows everything I want, Howell does. Let us cut.
+Miss Prior, you and I are partners!
+
+
+
+
+ACT II.
+
+
+SCENE.--As before.
+
+
+LADY K.--Don't smoke, you naughty boy. I don't like it. Besides, it will
+encourage your brother-in-law to smoke.
+
+CLARENCE K.--Anything to oblige you, I'm sure. But can't do without it,
+mother; it's good for my health. When I was in the Plungers, our doctor
+used to say, "You ought never to smoke more than eight cigars a day"--an
+order, you know, to do it--don't you see?
+
+LADY K.--Ah, my child! I am very glad you are not with those unfortunate
+people in the East.
+
+K.--So am I. Sold out just in time. Much better fun being here, than
+having the cholera at Scutari. Nice house, Milliken's. Snob, but
+good fellow--good cellar, doosid good cook. Really, that salmi
+yesterday,--couldn't have it better done at the "Rag" now. You have got
+into good quarters here, mother.
+
+LADY K.--The meals are very good, and the house is very good; the
+manners are not of the first order. But what can you expect of city
+people? I always told your poor dear sister, when she married Mr.
+Milliken, that she might look for everything substantial,--but not
+manners. Poor dear Arabella WOULD marry him.
+
+K.--Would! that is a good one, mamma! Why, you made her! It's a dozen
+years ago. But I recollect, when I came home from Eton, seeing her
+crying because Charley Tufton--
+
+LADY K.--Mr. Tufton had not a shilling to bless himself with. The
+marriage was absurd and impossible.
+
+K.--He hadn't a shilling then. I guess he has plenty now. Elder brother
+killed, out hunting. Father dead. Tuf a baronet, with four thousand a
+year if he's a shilling.
+
+LADY K.--Not so much.
+
+K.--Four thousand if it's a shilling. Why, the property adjoins
+Kicklebury's--I ought to know. I've shot over it a thousand times. Heh!
+I remember, when I was quite a young 'un, how Arabella used to go out
+into Tufton Park to meet Charley--and he is a doosid good fellow, and a
+gentlemanlike fellow, and a doosid deal better than this city fellow.
+
+LADY K.--If you don't like this city fellow, Clarence, why do you come
+here? why didn't you stop with your elder brother at Kicklebury?
+
+K.--Why didn't I? Why didn't YOU stop at Kicklebury, mamma? Because you
+had notice to quit. Serious daughter-in-law, quarrels about management
+of the house--row in the building. My brother interferes, and politely
+requests mamma to shorten her visit. So it is with your other two
+daughters; so it was with Arabella when she was alive. What shindies you
+used to have with her, Lady Kicklebury! Heh! I had a row with my brother
+and sister about a confounded little nursery-maid.
+
+LADY K.--Clarence!
+
+K.--And so I had notice to quit too. And I'm in very good quarters here,
+and I intend to stay in 'em, mamma. I say--
+
+LADY K.--What do you say?
+
+K.--Since I sold out, you know, and the regiment went abroad, confound
+me, the brutes at the "Rag" will hardly speak to me! I was so ill, I
+couldn't go. Who the doose can live the life I've led and keep health
+enough for that infernal Crimea? Besides, how could I help it? I was
+so cursedly in debt that I was OBLIGED to have the money, you know. YOU
+hadn't got any.
+
+LADY K.--Not a halfpenny, my darling. I am dreadfully in debt myself.
+
+K.--I know you are. So am I. My brother wouldn't give me any, not a
+dump. Hang him! Said he had his children to look to. Milliken wouldn't
+advance me any more--said I did him in that horse transaction. He! he!
+he! so I did! What had I to do but to sell out? And the fellows cut
+me, by Jove. Ain't it too bad? I'll take my name off the "Rag," I will,
+though.
+
+LADY K.--We must sow our wild oats, and we must sober down; and we must
+live here, where the living is very good and very cheap, Clarence, you
+naughty boy! And we must get you a rich wife. Did you see at church
+yesterday that young woman in light green, with rather red hair and a
+pink bonnet?
+
+K.--I was asleep, ma'am, most of the time, or I was bookin' up the
+odds for the Chester Cup. When I'm bookin' up, I think of nothin' else,
+ma'am,--nothin'.
+
+LADY K.--That was Miss Brocksopp--Briggs, Brown and Brocksopp, the great
+sugar-bakers. They say she will have eighty thousand pound. We will ask
+her to dinner here.
+
+K.--I say--why the doose do you have such old women to dinner here? Why
+don't you get some pretty girls? Such a set of confounded old frumps as
+eat Milliken's mutton I never saw. There's you, and his old mother Mrs.
+Bonnington, and old Mrs. Fogram, and old Miss What's-her-name, the woman
+with the squint eye, and that immense Mrs. Crowder. It's so stoopid,
+that if it weren't for Touchit coming down sometimes, and the billiards
+and boatin', I should die here--expire, by gad! Why don't you have some
+pretty women into the house, Lady Kicklebury?
+
+LADY K.--Why! Do you think I want that picture taken down: and another
+Mrs. Milliken? Wisehead! If Horace married again, would he be your
+banker, and keep this house, now that ungrateful son of mine has turned
+me out of his? No pretty woman shall come into the house whilst I am
+here.
+
+K.--Governess seems a pretty woman: weak eyes, bad figure, poky, badly
+dressed, but doosid pretty woman.
+
+LADY K.--Bah! There is no danger from HER. She is a most faithful
+creature, attached to me beyond everything. And her eyes--her eyes
+are weak with crying for some young man who is in India. She has his
+miniature in her room, locked up in one of her drawers.
+
+K.--Then how the doose did you come to see it?
+
+LADY K.--We see a number of things, Clarence. Will you drive with me?
+
+K.--Not as I knows on, thank you. No, Ma; drivin's TOO slow: and you're
+goin' to call on two or three old dowagers in the Park? Thank your
+ladyship for the delightful offer.
+
+Enter JOHN.
+
+JOHN.--Please, sir, here's the man with the bill for the boats; two
+pound three.
+
+K.--Damn it, pay it--don't bother ME!
+
+JOHN.--Haven't got the money, sir.
+
+LADY K.--Howell! I saw Mr. Milliken give you a cheque for twenty-five
+pounds before he went into town this morning. Look sir [runs, opens
+drawer, takes out cheque-book]. There it is, marked, "Howell, 25L."
+
+JOHN.--Would your ladyship like to step down into my pantry and see what
+I've paid with the twenty-five pounds? Did my master leave any orders
+that your ladyship was to inspect my accounts?
+
+LADY K.--Step down into the pantry! inspect your accounts? I never heard
+such impertinence. What do you mean, sir?
+
+K.--Dammy, sir, what do you mean?
+
+JOHN.--I thought as her ladyship kept a heye over my master's private
+book, she might like to look at mine too.
+
+LADY K.--Upon my word, this insolence is too much.
+
+JOHN.--I beg your ladyship's pardon. I am sure I have said nothing.
+
+K.--Said, sir! your manner is mutinous, by Jove, sir! if I had you in
+the regiment!--
+
+JOHN.--I understood that you had left the regiment, sir, just before it
+went on the campaign, sir.
+
+K.--Confound you, sir! [Starts up.]
+
+LADY K.--Clarence, my child, my child!
+
+JOHN.--Your ladyship needn't be alarmed; I'm a little man, my lady,
+but I don't think Mr. Clarence was a-goin' for to hit me, my lady; not
+before a lady, I'm sure. I suppose, sir, that you WON'T pay the boatman?
+
+K.--No, sir, I won't pay him, nor any man who uses this sort of damned
+impertinence!
+
+JOHN.--I told Rullocks, sir, I thought it was JEST possible you
+wouldn't. [Exit.]
+
+K.--That's a nice man, that is--an impudent villain!
+
+LADY K.--Ruined by Horace's weakness. He ruins everybody, poor
+good-natured Horace!
+
+K.--Why don't you get rid of the blackguard?
+
+LADY K.--There is a time for all things, my dear. This man is very
+convenient to Horace. Mr. Milliken is exceedingly lazy, and Howell
+spares him a great deal of trouble. Some day or other I shall take
+all this domestic trouble off his hands. But not yet: your poor
+brother-in-law is restive, like many weak men. He is subjected to other
+influences: his odious mother thwarts me a great deal.
+
+K.--Why, you used to be the dearest friends in the world. I recollect
+when I was at Eton--
+
+LADY K.--Were; but friendship don't last for ever. Mrs. Bonnington and
+I have had serious differences since I came to live here: she has a
+natural jealousy, perhaps, at my superintending her son's affairs. When
+she ceases to visit at the house, as she very possibly will, things will
+go more easily; and Mr. Howell will go too, you may depend upon it. I am
+always sorry when my temper breaks out, as it will sometimes.
+
+K.--Won't it, that's all!
+
+LADY K.--At his insolence, my temper is high; so is yours, my dear. Calm
+it for the present, especially as regards Howell.
+
+K.--Gad! d'you know I was very nearly pitching into him? But once,
+one night in the Haymarket, at a lobster-shop, where I was with some
+fellows, we chaffed some other fellows, and there was one fellah--quite
+a little fellah--and I pitched into him, and he gave me the most
+confounded lickin' I ever had in my life, since my brother Kicklebury
+licked me when we were at Eton; and that, you see, was a lesson to me,
+ma'am. Never trust those little fellows, never chaff 'em: dammy, they
+may be boxers.
+
+LADY K.--You quarrelsome boy! I remember you coming home with your
+naughty head SO bruised. [Looks at watch.] I must go now to take my
+drive. [Exit LADY K.]
+
+K.--I owe a doose of a tick at that billiard-room; I shall have that
+boatman dunnin' me. Why hasn't Milliken got any horses to ride? Hang
+him! suppose he can't ride--suppose he's a tailor. He ain't MY tailor,
+though, though I owe him a doosid deal of money. There goes mamma with
+that darling nephew and niece of mine. [Enter BULKELEY]. Why haven't you
+gone with my lady, you, sir? [to Bulkeley.]
+
+BULKELEY.--My lady have a-took the pony-carriage, sir; Mrs. Bonnington
+have a-took the hopen carriage and 'orses, sir, this mornin', which the
+Bishop of London is 'olding a confirmation at Teddington, sir, and Mr.
+Bonnington is attending the serimony. And I have told Mr. 'Owell, sir,
+that my lady would prefer the hopen carriage, sir, which I like the
+hexercise myself, sir, and that the pony-carriage was good enough for
+Mrs. Bonnington, sir; and Mr. 'Owell was very hinsolent to me, sir; and
+I don't think I can stay in the 'ouse with him.
+
+K.--Hold your jaw, sir.
+
+BULKELEY.--Yes, sir. [Exit BULKELEY.]
+
+K.--I wonder who that governess is?--sang rather prettily last
+night--wish she'd come and sing now--wish she'd come and amuse me--I've
+seen her face before--where have I seen her face?--it ain't at all a bad
+one. What shall I do? dammy, I'll read a book: I've not read a book this
+ever so long. What's here? [looks amongst books, selects one, sinks down
+in easy-chair so as quite to be lost.]
+
+Enter Miss PRIOR.
+
+MISS PRIOR.--There's peace in the house! those noisy children are away
+with their grandmamma. The weather is beautiful, and I hope they will
+take a long drive. Now I can have a quiet half-hour, and finish that
+dear pretty "Ruth"--oh, how it makes me cry, that pretty story.
+[Lays down her bonnet on table--goes to glass--takes off cap and
+spectacles--arranges her hair--Clarence has got on chair looking at
+her.]
+
+K.--By Jove! I know who it is now! Remember her as well as possible.
+Four years ago, when little Foxbury used to dance in the ballet over
+the water. DON'T I remember her! She boxed my ears behind the scenes,
+by jingo. [Coming forward]. Miss Pemberton! Star of the ballet! Light of
+the harem! Don't you remember the grand Oriental ballet of the "Bulbul
+and the Peri?"
+
+MISS P.--Oh! [screams.] No, n--no, sir. You are mistaken: my name is
+Prior. I--never was at the "Coburg Theatre." I--
+
+K. [seizing her hand].--No, you don't, though! What! don't you remember
+well that little hand slapping this face? which nature hadn't then
+adorned with whiskers, by gad! You pretend you have forgotten little
+Foxbury, whom Charley Calverley used to come after, and who used to
+drive to the "Coburg" every night in her brougham. How did you know it
+was the "Coburg?" That IS a good one! HAD you there, I think.
+
+MISS P.--Sir, in the name of heaven, pity me! I have to keep my mother
+and my sisters and my brothers. When--when you saw me, we were in great
+poverty; and almost all the wretched earnings I made at that time were
+given to my poor father then lying in the Queen's Bench hard by. You
+know there was nothing against my character--you know there was not. Ask
+Captain Touchit whether I was not a good girl. It was he who brought me
+to this house.
+
+K.--Touchit! the old villain!
+
+MISS P.--I had your sister's confidence. I tended her abroad on her
+death-bed. I have brought up your nephew and niece. Ask any one if I
+have not been honest? As a man, as a gentleman, I entreat you to keep my
+secret! I implore you for the sake of my poor mother and her children!
+[kneeling.]
+
+K.--By Jove! how handsome you are! How crying becomes your eyes! Get up;
+get up. Of course I'll keep your secret, but--
+
+MISS P.--Ah! ah! [She screams as he tries to embrace her. HOWELL rushes
+in.]
+
+HOWELL.--Hands off, you little villain! Stir a step and I'll kill you,
+if you were a regiment of captains! What! insult this lady who kept
+watch at your sister's death-bed and has took charge of her children!
+Don't be frightened, Miss Prior. Julia--dear, dear Julia--I'm by you.
+If the scoundrel touches you, I'll kill him. I--I love you--there--it's
+here--love you madly--with all my 'art--my a-heart!
+
+MISS P.--Howell--for heaven's sake, Howell!
+
+K.--Pooh--ooh! [bursting with laughter]. Here's a novel, by
+jingo! Here's John in love with the governess. Fond of plush, Miss
+Pemberton--ey? Gad, it's the best thing I ever knew. Saved a good bit,
+ey, Jeames? Take a public-house? By Jove! I'll buy my beer there.
+
+JOHN.--Owe for it, you mean. I don't think your tradesmen profit much by
+your custom, ex-Cornet Kicklebury.
+
+K.--By Jove! I'll do for you, you villain!
+
+JOHN.--No, not that way, Captain. [Struggles with and throws him.]
+
+K. [screams.]--Hallo, Bulkeley! [Bulkeley is seen strolling in the
+garden.]
+
+Enter BULKELEY.
+
+BULKELEY.--What is it, sir?
+
+K.--Take this confounded villain off me, and pitch him into the
+Thames--do you hear?
+
+JOHN.--Come here, and I'll break every bone in your hulking body. [To
+BULKELEY.]
+
+BULKELEY.--Come, come! whathever his hall this year row about?
+
+MISS P.--For heaven's sake don't strike that poor man.
+
+BULKELEY.--YOU be quiet. What's he a-hittin' about my master for?
+
+JOHN.--Take off your hat, sir, when you speak to a lady. [Takes up a
+poker.] And now come on, both of you, cowards! [Rushes at BULKELEY and
+knocks his hat off his head.]
+
+BULKELEY [stepping back].--If you'll put down that there poker, you
+know, then I'll pitch into you fast enough. But that there poker ain't
+fair, you know.
+
+K.--You villain! of course you will leave this house. And, Miss Prior, I
+think you understand that you will go too. I don't think my niece wants
+to learn DANCIN', you understand. Good-by. Here, Bulkeley! [Gets behind
+footman and exit.]
+
+MISS P.--Do you know the meaning of that threat, Mr. Howell?
+
+JOHN.--Yes, Miss Prior.
+
+MISS P.--I was a dancer once, for three months, four years ago, when my
+poor father was in prison.
+
+JOHN.--Yes, Miss Prior, I knew it. And I saw you a many times.
+
+MISS P.--And you kept my secret?
+
+JOHN.--Yes, Ju--Jul--Miss Prior.
+
+MISS P.--Thank you, and God bless you, John Howell. There, there. You
+mustn't! indeed you mustn't!
+
+JOHN.--You don't remember the printer's boy who used to come to Mr.
+O'Reilly, and sit in your 'all in Bury Street, Miss Prior? I was that
+boy. I was a country-bred boy--that is if you call Putney country, and
+Wimbledon Common and that. I served the Milliken family seven year. I
+went with Master Horace to college, and then I revolted against service,
+and I thought I'd be a man and turn printer like Doctor Frankling. And I
+got in an office: and I went with proofs to Mr. O'Reilly, and I saw
+you. And though I might have been in love with somebody else before I
+did--yet it was all hup when I saw you.
+
+MISS P. [kindly.]--YOU must not talk to me in that way, John Howell.
+
+JOHN.--Let's tell the tale out. I couldn't stand the newspaper
+night-work. I had a mother and brothers and sisters to keep, as you had.
+I went back to Horace Milliken and said, Sir, I've lost my work. I and
+mine want bread. Will you take me back again? And he did. He's a kind,
+kind soul is my master.
+
+MISS P.--He IS a kind, kind soul.
+
+JOHN.--He's good to all the poor. His hand's in his pocket for
+everybody. Everybody takes advantage of him. His mother-in-lor rides
+over him. So does his Ma. So do I, I may say; but that's over now; and
+you and I have had our notice to quit. Miss, I should say.
+
+MISS P.--Yes.
+
+JOHN.--I have saved a bit of money--not much--a hundred pound. Miss
+Prior--Julia--here I am--look--I'm a poor feller--a poor servant--but
+I've the heart of a man--and--I love you--oh! I love you!
+
+MARY.--Oh ho--ho! [Mary has entered from garden, and bursts out crying.]
+
+MISS P.--It can't be, John Howell--my dear, brave, kind John Howell.
+It can't be. I have watched this for some time past, and poor Mary's
+despair here. [Kisses Mary, who cries plentifully.] You have the heart
+of a true, brave man, and must show it and prove it now. I am not--am
+not of your pardon me for saying so--of your class in life. I was bred
+by my uncle, away from my poor parents, though I came back to them after
+his sudden death; and to poverty, and to this dependent life I am now
+leading. I am a servant, like you, John, but in another sphere--have
+to seek another place now; and heaven knows if I shall procure one, now
+that that unlucky passage in my life is known. Oh, the coward to recall
+it! the coward!
+
+MARY.--But John whopped him, Miss! that he did. He gave it him well,
+John did. [Crying.]
+
+MISS P.--You can't--you ought not to forego an attachment like that,
+John Howell. A more honest and true-hearted creature never breathed than
+Mary Barlow.
+
+JOHN.--No, indeed.
+
+MISS P.--She has loved you since she was a little child. And you loved
+her once, and do now, John.
+
+MARY.--Oh, Miss! you hare a hangel,--I hallways said you were a hangel.
+
+MISS P.--You are better than I am, my dear much, much better than I am,
+John. The curse of my poverty has been that I have had to flatter and to
+dissemble, and hide the faults of those I wanted to help, and to smile
+when I was hurt, and laugh when I was sad, and to coax, and to tack, and
+to bide my time,--not with Mr. Milliken: he is all honor, and kindness,
+and simplicity. Who did HE ever injure, or what unkind word did HE ever
+say? But do you think, with the jealousy of those poor ladies over his
+house, I could have stayed here without being a hypocrite to both of
+them? Go, John. My good, dear friend, John Howell, marry Mary. You'll be
+happier with her than with me. There! There! [They embrace.]
+
+MARY.--O--o--o! I think I'll go and hiron hout Miss Harabella's frocks
+now. [Exit MARY.]
+
+Enter MILLIKEN with CLARENCE--who is explaining things to him.
+
+CLARENCE.--Here they are, I give you my word of honor. Ask 'em, damn em.
+
+MILLIKEN.--What is this I hear? You, John Howell, have dared to strike a
+gentleman under my roof! Your master's brother-in-law?
+
+JOHN.--Yes, by Jove! and I'd do it again.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Are you drunk or mad, Howell?
+
+JOHN.--I'm as sober and as sensible as ever I was in my life, sir--I not
+only struck the master, but I struck the man, who's twice as big, only
+not quite as big a coward, I think.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Hold your scurrilous tongues sir! My good nature ruins
+everybody about me. Make up your accounts. Pack your trunks--and never
+let me see your face again.
+
+JOHN.--Very good, sir.
+
+MILLIKEN.--I suppose, Miss Prior, you will also be disposed to--to
+follow Mr. Howell?
+
+MISS P.--To quit you, now you know what has passed? I never supposed
+it could be otherwise--I deceived you, Mr. Milliken--as I kept a secret
+from you, and must pay the penalty. It is a relief to me, the sword has
+been hanging over me. I wish I had told your poor wife, as I was often
+minded to do.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Oh, you were minded to do it in Italy, were you?
+
+MISS P.--Captain Touchit knew it, sir, all along: and that my motives
+and, thank God, my life were honorable.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Oh, Touchit knew it, did he? and thought it
+honorable--honorable. Ha! ha! to marry a footman--and keep a
+public-house? I--I beg your pardon, John Howell--I mean nothing against
+you, you know. You're an honorable man enough, except that you have been
+damned insolent to my brother-in-law.
+
+JOHN.--Oh, heaven! [JOHN strikes his forehead, and walks away.]
+
+MISS P.--You mistake me, sir. What I wished to speak of was the fact
+which this gentleman has no doubt communicated to you--that I danced on
+the stage for three months.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Oh, yes. Oh, damme, yes. I forgot. I wasn't thinking of that.
+
+KICKLEBURY.--You see she owns it.
+
+MISS P.--We were in the depths of poverty. Our furniture and
+lodging-house under execution--from which Captain Touchit, when he came
+to know of our difficulties, nobly afterwards released us. My father was
+in prison, and wanted shillings for medicine, and I--I went and danced
+on the stage.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Well?
+
+MISS P.--And I kept the secret afterwards; knowing that I could never
+hope as governess to obtain a place after having been a stage-dancer.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Of course you couldn't,--it's out of the question; and may I
+ask, are you going to resume that delightful profession when you enter
+the married state with Mr. Howell?
+
+MISS P.--Poor John! it is not I who am going to--that is, it's Mary, the
+school-room maid.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Eternal blazes! Have you turned Mormon, John Howell, and are
+you going to marry the whole house?
+
+JOHN.--I made a hass of myself about Miss Prior. I couldn't help her
+being l--l--lovely.
+
+KICK.--Gad, he proposed to her in my presence.
+
+JOHN.--What I proposed to her, Cornet Clarence Kicklebury, was my heart
+and my honor, and my best, and my everything--and you--you wanted to
+take advantage of her secret, and you offered her indignities, and you
+laid a cowardly hand on her--a cowardly hand!--and I struck you, and I'd
+do it again.
+
+MILLIKEN.--What? Is this true? [Turning round very fiercely to K.]
+
+KICK.--Gad! Well--I only--
+
+MILLIKEN.--You only what? You only insulted a lady under my roof--the
+friend and nurse of your dead sister--the guardian of my children. You
+only took advantage of a defenceless girl, and would have extorted your
+infernal pay out of her fear. You miserable sneak and coward!
+
+KICK.--Hallo! Come, come! I say I won't stand this sort of chaff. Dammy,
+I'll send a friend to you!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Go out of that window, sir. March! or I will tell my servant,
+John Howell, to kick you out, you wretched little scamp! Tell that big
+brute,--what's-his-name?--Lady Kicklebury's man, to pack this young
+man's portmanteau and bear's-grease pots; and if ever you enter these
+doors again, Clarence Kicklebury, by the heaven that made me!--by your
+sister who is dead!--I will cane your life out of your bones. Angel in
+heaven! Shade of my Arabella--to think that your brother in your house
+should be found to insult the guardian of your children!
+
+JOHN.--By jingo, you're a good-plucked one! I knew he was, Miss,--I told
+you he was. [Exit, shaking hands with his master, and with Miss P., and
+dancing for joy. Exit CLARENCE, scared, out of window.]
+
+JOHN [without].--Bulkeley! pack up the Capting's luggage!
+
+MILLIKEN.--How can I ask your pardon, Miss Prior? In my wife's name
+I ask it--in the name of that angel whose dying-bed you watched and
+soothed--of the innocent children whom you have faithfully tended since.
+
+MISS P.--Ah, sir! it is granted when you speak so to me.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Eh, eh--d--don't call me sir!
+
+MISS P.--It is for me to ask pardon for hiding what you know now: but if
+I had told you--you--you never would have taken me into your house--your
+wife never would.
+
+MILLIKEN.--No, no. [Weeping.]
+
+MISS P.--My dear, kind Captain Touchit knows it all. It was by his
+counsel I acted. He it was who relieved our distress. Ask him whether my
+conduct was not honorable--ask him whether my life was not devoted to my
+parents--ask him when--when I am gone.
+
+MILLIKEN.--When you are gone, Julia! Why are you going? Why should you
+go, my love--that is--why need you go, in the devil's name?
+
+MISS P.--Because, when your mother--when your mother-in-law come to hear
+that your children's governess has been a dancer on the stage, they will
+send me away, and you will not have the power to resist them. They ought
+to send me away, sir; but I have acted honestly by the children and
+their poor mother, and you'll think of me kindly when--I--am--gone?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Julia, my dearest--dear--noble--dar--the devil! here's old
+Kicklebury.
+
+Enter Lady K., Children, and CLARENCE.
+
+LADY K.--So, Miss Prior! this is what I hear, is it? A dancer in my
+house! a serpent in my bosom--poisoning--yes, poisoning those blessed
+children! occasioning quarrels between my own son and my dearest
+son-in-law; flirting with the footman! When do you intend to leave,
+madam, the house which you have po--poll--luted?
+
+MISS P.--I need no hard language, Lady Kicklebury: and I will reply to
+none. I have signified to Mr. Milliken my wish to leave his house.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Not, not, if you will stay. [To Miss P.]
+
+LADY K.--Stay, Horace! she shall NEVER stay as governess in this house!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Julia! will you stay as mistress? You have known me for a
+year alone--before, not so well--when the house had a mistress that is
+gone. You know what my temper is, and that my tastes are simple, and
+my heart not unkind. I have watched you, and have never seen you out
+of temper, though you have been tried. I have long thought you good and
+beautiful, but I never thought to ask the question which I put to you
+now:--come in, sir! [to CLARENCE at door]:--now that you have been
+persecuted by those who ought to have upheld you, and insulted by those
+who owed you gratitude and respect. I am tired of their domination, and
+as weary of a man's cowardly impertinence [to CLARENCE] as of a woman's
+jealous tyranny. They have made what was my Arabella's home miserable
+by their oppression and their quarrels. Julia! my wife's friend, my
+children's friend! be mine, and make me happy! Don't leave me, Julia!
+say you won't--say you won't--dearest--dearest girl!
+
+MISS P.--I won't--leave--you.
+
+GEORGE [without].--Oh, I say! Arabella, look here: here's papa a-kissing
+Miss Prior!
+
+LADY K.--Horace--Clarence my son! Shade of my Arabella! can you behold
+this horrible scene, and not shudder in heaven! Bulkeley! Clarence! go
+for a doctor--go to Doctor Straitwaist at the Asylum--Horace Milliken,
+who has married the descendant of the Kickleburys of the Conqueror,
+marry a dancing-girl off the stage! Horace Milliken! do you wish to
+see me die in convulsions at your feet? I writhe there, I grovel there.
+Look! look at me on my knees! your own mother-in-law! drive away this
+fiend!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Hem! I ought to thank you, Lady Kicklebury, for it is you
+that have given her to me.
+
+LADY K.--He won't listen! he turns away and kisses her horrible hand.
+This will never do: help me up, Clarence, I must go and fetch his
+mother. Ah, ah! there she is, there she is! [Lady K. rushes out, as the
+top of a barouche, with Mr. and Mrs. BONNINGTON and Coachman, is seen
+over the gate.]
+
+MRS. B.--What is this I hear, my son, my son? You are going to marry
+a--a stage-dancer? you are driving me mad, Horace!
+
+MILLIKEN.--Give me my second chance, mother, to be happy. You have had
+yourself two chances.
+
+MRS. B.--Speak to him, Mr. Bonnington. [BONNINGTON makes dumb show.]
+
+LADY K.--Implore him, Mr. Bonnington.
+
+MRS. B.--Pray, pray for him, Mr. Bonnington, my love--my lost, abandoned
+boy!
+
+LADY K.--Oh, my poor dear Mrs. Bonnington!
+
+MRS. B.--Oh, my poor dear Lady Kicklebury. [They embrace each other.]
+
+LADY K.--I have been down on my knees to him, dearest Mrs. Bonnington.
+
+MRS. B.--Let us both--both go down on our knees--I WILL [to her
+husband]. Edward, I will! [Both ladies on their knees. BONNINGTON with
+outstretched hands behind them.] Look, unhappy boy! look, Horace! two
+mothers on their wretched knees before you, imploring you to send away
+this monster! Speak to him, Mr. Bonnington. Edward! use authority with
+him, if he will not listen to his mother--
+
+LADY K.--To his mothers!
+
+Enter TOUCHIT.
+
+TOUCHIT.--What is this comedy going on, ladies and gentlemen? The ladies
+on their elderly knees--Miss Prior with her hair down her back. Is it
+tragedy or comedy--is it a rehearsal for a charade, or are we acting
+for Horace's birthday? or, oh!--I beg your Reverence's pardon--you were
+perhaps going to a professional duty?
+
+MR. B.--It's WE who are praying this child, Touchit. This child, with
+whom you used to come home from Westminster when you were boys. You
+have influence with him; he listens to you. Entreat him to pause in his
+madness.
+
+TOUCHIT.--What madness?
+
+MRS. B.--That--that woman--that serpent yonder--that--that
+dancing-woman, whom you introduced to Arabella Milliken,--ah! and I rue
+the day:--Horace is going to mum--mum--marry her!
+
+TOUCHIT.--Well! I always thought he would. Ever since I saw him and her
+playing at whist together, when I came down here a month ago, I thought
+he would do it.
+
+MRS. B.--Oh, it's the whist, the whist! Why did I ever play at whist,
+Edward? My poor Mr. Milliken used to like his rubber.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Since he has been a widower--
+
+LADY K.--A widower of that angel! [Points to picture.]
+
+TOUCHIT.--Pooh, pooh, angel! You two ladies have never given the
+poor fellow any peace. You were always quarrelling over him. You took
+possession of his house, bullied his servants, spoiled his children; you
+did, Lady Kicklebury.
+
+LADY K.--Sir, you are a rude, low, presuming, vulgar man. Clarence! beat
+this rude man!
+
+TOUCHIT.--From what I have heard of your amiable son, he is not in the
+warlike line, I think. My dear Julia, I am delighted with all my heart
+that my old friend should have found a woman of sense, good conduct,
+good temper--a woman who has had many trials, and borne them with great
+patience--to take charge of him and make him happy. Horace, give me your
+hand! I knew Miss Prior in great poverty. I am sure she will bear as
+nobly her present good fortune; for good fortune it is to any woman to
+become the wife of such a loyal, honest, kindly gentleman as you are!
+
+Enter JOHN.
+
+JOHN.--If you please, my lady--if you please, sir--Bulkeley--
+
+LADY K.--What of Bulkeley, sir?
+
+JOHN.--He has packed his things, and Cornet Kicklebury's things, my
+lady.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Let the fellow go.
+
+JOHN.--He won't go, sir, till my lady have paid him his book and wages.
+Here's the book, sir.
+
+LADY K.--Insolence! quit my presence! And I, Mr. Milliken, will quit a
+house--
+
+JOHN.--Shall I call your ladyship a carriage?
+
+LADY K.--Where I have met with rudeness, cruelty, and fiendish [to Miss
+P., who smiles and curtsies]--yes, fiendish ingratitude. I will go, I
+say, as soon as I have made arrangements for taking other lodgings. You
+cannot expect a lady of fashion to turn out like a servant.
+
+JOHN.--Hire the "Star and Garter" for her, sir. Send down to the
+"Castle;" anything to get rid of her. I'll tell her maid to pack her
+traps. Pinhorn! [Beckons maid and gives orders.]
+
+TOUCHIT.--You had better go at once, my dear Lady Kicklebury.
+
+LADY K.--Sir!
+
+TOUCHIT.--THE OTHER MOTHER-IN-LAW IS COMING! I met her on the road with
+all her family. He! he! he! [Screams.]
+
+Enter Mrs. PRIOR and Children.
+
+MRS. P.--My lady! I hope your ladyship is quite well! Dear, kind Mrs.
+Bonnington! I came to pay my duty to you, ma'am. This is Charlotte, my
+lady--the great girl whom your ladyship so kindly promised the gown for;
+and this is my little girl, Mrs. Bonnington, ma'am, please; and this
+is my Bluecoat boy. Go and speak to dear, kind Mr. Milliken--our best
+friend and protector--the son and son-in-law of these dear ladies. Look,
+sir! He has brought his copy to show you. [Boy shows copy.] Ain't it
+creditable to a boy of his age, Captain Touchit? And my best and most
+grateful services to you, sir. Julia, Julia, my dear, where's your cap
+and spectacles, you stupid thing? You've let your hair drop down. What!
+what!--[Begins to be puzzled.]
+
+MRS. B.--Is this collusion, madam?
+
+MRS. P.--Collusion, dear Mrs. Bonnington!
+
+LADY K.--Or insolence, Mrs. Prior!
+
+MRS. P.--Insolence, your ladyship! What--what is it? what has happened?
+What's Julia's hair down for? Ah! you've not sent the poor girl away?
+the poor, poor child, and the poor, poor children!
+
+TOUCHIT.--That dancing at the "Coburg" has come out, Mrs. Prior.
+
+MRS. P.--Not the darling's fault. It was to help her poor father in
+prison. It was I who forced her to do it. Oh! don't, don't, dear Lady
+Kicklebury, take the bread out of the mouths of these poor orphans!
+[Crying.]
+
+MILLIKEN.--Enough of this, Mrs. Prior: your daughter is not going away.
+Julia has promised to stay with me--and--never to leave me--as governess
+no longer, but as wife to me.
+
+MRS. P.--Is it--is it true, Julia?
+
+MISS P.--Yes, mamma.
+
+MRS. P.--Oh! oh! oh! [Flings down her umbrella, kisses JULIA, and
+running to MILLIKEN,] My son, my son! Come here, children. Come,
+Adolphus, Amelia, Charlotte--kiss your dear brother, children. What, my
+dears! How do you do, dears? [to MILLIKEN'S children]. Have they heard
+the news? And do you know that my daughter is going to be your mamma?
+There--there--go and play with your little uncles and aunts, that's good
+children! [She motions off the Children, who retire towards garden. Her
+manner changes to one of great patronage and intense satisfaction.] Most
+hot weather, your ladyship, I'm sure. Mr. Bonnington, you must find
+it hot weather for preachin'! Lor'! there's that little wretch beatin'
+Adolphus! George, sir! have done, sir! [Runs to separate them.] How ever
+shall we make those children agree, Julia?
+
+MISS P.--They have been a little spoiled, and I think Mr. Milliken will
+send George and Arabella to school, mamma: will you not, Horace?
+
+MR. MILLIKEN.--I think school will be the very best thing for them.
+
+MRS. P.--And [Mrs. P. whispers, pointing to her own children] the blue
+room, the green room, the rooms old Lady Kick has--plenty of room for
+us, my dear!
+
+MISS P.--No, mamma, I think it will be too large a party,--Mr. Milliken
+has often said that he would like to go abroad, and I hope that now he
+will be able to make his tour.
+
+MRS. P.--Oh, then! we can live in the house, you know: what's the use of
+payin' lodgin', my dear?
+
+MISS P.--The house is going to be painted. You had best live in your own
+house, mamma; and if you want anything, Horace, Mr. Milliken, I am sure,
+will make it comfortable for you. He has had too many visitors of late,
+and will like a more quiet life, I think. Will you not?
+
+MILLIKEN.--I shall like a life with YOU, Julia.
+
+JOHN.--Cab, sir, for her ladyship!
+
+LADY K.--This instant let me go! Call my people. Clarence, your arm!
+Bulkeley, Pinhorn! Mrs. Bonnington, I wish you good-morning! Arabella,
+angel! [looks at picture] I leave you. I shall come to you ere long.
+[Exit, refusing MILLIKEN's hand, passes up garden, with her servants
+following her. MARY and other servants of the house are collected
+together, whom Lady K. waves off. Bluecoat boy on wall eating plums.
+Page, as she goes, cries, Hurray, hurray! Bluecoat boy cries, Hurray!
+When Lady K. is gone, JOHN advances.]
+
+JOHN.--I think I heard you say, sir, that it was your intention to go
+abroad?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Yes; oh, yes! Are we going abroad, my Julia?
+
+MISS P.--To settle matters, to have the house painted, and clear
+[pointing to children, mother, &c.] Don't you think it is the best thing
+that we can do?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Surely, surely: we are going abroad. Howell, you will come
+with us of course, and with your experiences you will make a capital
+courier. Won't Howell make a capital courier, Julia? Good honest fellow,
+John Howell. Beg your pardon for being so rude to you just now. But my
+temper is very hot, very.
+
+JOHN [laughing].--You are a Tartar, sir. Such a tyrant! isn't he, ma'am?
+
+MISS P.--Well, no; I don't think you have a very bad temper, Mr.
+Milliken, a--Horace.
+
+JOHN.--You must--take care of him--alone, Miss Prior--Julia--I mean Mrs.
+Milliken. Man and boy I've waited on him this fifteen year: with the
+exception of that trial at the printing-office, which--which I won't
+talk of NOW, madam. I never knew him angry; though many a time I have
+known him provoked. I never knew him say a hard word, though sometimes
+perhaps we've deserved it. Not often--such a good master as that is
+pretty sure of getting a good servant--that is, if a man has a heart in
+his bosom; and these things are found both in and out of livery. Yes, I
+have been a honest servant to him,--haven't I, Mr. Milliken?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Indeed, yes, John.
+
+JOHN.--And so has Mary Barlow. Mary, my dear! [Mary comes forward.] Will
+you allow me to introduce you, sir, to the futur' Mrs. Howell?--if Mr.
+Bonnington does YOUR little business for you, as I dare say [turning to
+Mr. B.], hold gov'nor, you will!--Make it up with your poor son, Mrs.
+Bonnington, ma'am. You have took a second 'elpmate, why shouldn't Master
+Horace? [to Mrs. B.] He--he wants somebody to help him, and take care of
+him, more than you do.
+
+TOUCHIT.--You never spoke a truer word in your life, Howell.
+
+JOHN.--It's my general 'abit, Capting, to indulge in them sort of
+statements. A true friend I have been to my master, and a true friend
+I'll remain when he's my master no more.
+
+MILLIKEN.--Why, John, you are not going to leave me?
+
+JOHN.--It's best, sir, I should go. I--I'm not fit to be a servant in
+this house any longer. I wish to sit in my own little home, with my own
+little wife by my side. Poor dear! you've no conversation, Mary, but
+you're a good little soul. We've saved a hundred pound apiece, and if
+we want more, I know who won't grudge it us, a good fellow--a good
+master--for whom I've saved many a hundred pound myself, and will take
+the "Milliken Arms" at old Pigeoncot--and once a year or so, at this
+hanniversary, we will pay our respects to you, sir, and madam. Perhaps
+we will bring some children with us, perhaps we will find some more in
+this villa. Bless 'em beforehand! Good-by, sir, and madam--come away,
+Mary! [going].
+
+MRS. P. [entering with clothes, &c.]--She has not left a single thing
+in her room. Amelia, come here! this cloak will do capital for you, and
+this--this garment is the very thing for Adolphus. Oh, John! eh,
+Howell! will you please to see that my children have something to eat,
+immediately! The Milliken children, I suppose, have dined already?
+
+JOHN.--Yes, ma'am; certainly, ma'am.
+
+MRS. P.--I see he is inclined to be civil to me NOW!
+
+MISS P.--John Howell is about to leave us, mamma. He is engaged to Mary
+Barlow, and when we go away, he is going to set up housekeeping for
+himself. Good-by, and thank you, John Howell [gives her hand to JOHN,
+but with great reserve of manner]. You have been a kind and true
+friend to us--if ever we can serve you, count upon us--may he not, Mr.
+Milliken?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Always, always.
+
+MISS P.--But you will still wait upon us--upon Mr. Milliken, for a day
+or two, won't you, John, until we--until Mr. Milliken has found some
+one to replace you. He will never find any one more honest than you, and
+good, kind little Mary. Thank you, Mary, for your goodness to the poor
+governess.
+
+MARY.--Oh miss! oh mum! [Miss P. kisses Mary patronizingly].
+
+MISS P. [to JOHN].--And after they have had some refreshment, get a cab
+for my brothers and sister, if you please, John. Don't you think that
+will be best, my--my dear?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Of course, of course, dear Julia!
+
+MISS P.--And, Captain Touchit, you will stay, I hope, and dine with Mr.
+Milliken? And, Mrs. Bonnington, if you will receive as a daughter one
+who has always had a sincere regard for you, I think you will aid in
+making your son happy, as I promise you with all my heart and all my
+life to endeavor to do. [Miss P. and M. go up to Mrs. BONNINGTON.]
+
+MRS. BONNINGTON.--Well, there, then, since it must be so, bless you, my
+children.
+
+TOUCHIT.--Spoken like a sensible woman! And now, as I do not wish to
+interrupt this felicity, I will go and dine at the "Star and Garter."
+
+MISS P.--My dear Captain Touchit, not for worlds! Don't you know I
+mustn't be alone with Mr. Milliken until--until--?
+
+MILLIKEN.--Until I am made the happiest man alive! and you will come
+down and see us often, Touchit, won't you? And we hope to see our
+friends here often. And we will have a little life and spirit and gayety
+in the place. Oh, mother! oh, George! oh, Julia! what a comfort it is
+to me to think that I am released from the tyranny of that terrible
+mother-in-law!
+
+MRS. PRIOR.--Come in to your teas, children. Come this moment, I
+say. [The Children pass quarrelling behind the characters, Mrs. PRIOR
+summoning them; JOHN and MARY standing on each side of the dining-room
+door, as the curtain falls.]
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Wolves and the Lamb, by 
+William Makepeace Thackeray
+
+*** 
\ No newline at end of file