Original sentence: Around this time, he was introduced to John Earl Shoaff, an entrepreneur who impressed Rohn with his wealth, business accomplishments, charisma and life philosophy.Born to an Idaho farming family, Rohn began his early adulthood without acclaim, leaving college after his first year, starting a family, and trying to get by as best he could as a salaried worker.In the years that followed, Rohn discovered a demand from people outside his industry to hear his rags to riches stories, and the personal development philosophy that he felt had led to his accomplishments.Jim Rohn (born September 17, 1930) is an American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker.Rohn joined Shoaff's direct sales organization, and began a process of personal development that culminated in his becoming a millionaire by age 31.Unfortunately, Shoaff, who had challenged Rohn to reach for this goal, died one year before Rohn achieved it
Edited sentence: Around this time, he was introduced to John Earl Shoaff, an entrepreneur who impressed Mr.In the years that followed, Mr.It was saddening to Mr.Jim Rohn, (born September 17, 1930) is an American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker.Rohn began his early adulthood without acclaim, leaving college after his first year, starting a family and trying to get by as best he could as a salaried worker.Rohn discovered a demand from people outside his industry to hear his rags to riches stories, and the personal development philosophy that he felt had led to his accomplishments.Rohn joined Mr.Rohn that Mr.Rohn was born to an Idaho farming family, Mr.Rohn with his wealth, business accomplishments, charisma and life philosophy.Rohn) achieved it.Shoaff's direct sales organization, and began a process of personal development, that culminated in his becoming a millionaire by age 31.Shoaff, who had challenged him to reach for this goal, died one year before he (Mr