Original sentence: Mary Beatrice Rundle is the daughter of Rear Admiral Mark Rundle (1871–1958), RN, Companion of the Distinguished Service Order,  Chevalier of the French Legion of Honour, who began his military career as an Engineer Lieutenant and was promoted to Engineer Commander on 6 July 1909
Edited sentence: Mary Beatrice Rundle is the daughter of Rear Admiral Mark Rundle (1871–1958), RN, Companion of the Distinguished Service Order, Chevalier of the French Legion of Honour, who began his military career as an Engineer Lieutenant and was promoted to Engineer Commander on 6 July 1909