Original sentence: Astor's career began with working Germany as a flute maker with his brother George, and they emigrated to London.John Jacob then went to the United States following the American Revolutionary War and built a fur-trading empire that extended to the Great Lakes region and Canada, and later expanded into the American West and Pacific coast
Edited sentence: From humble origins in Germany as a flute maker with his brother George, they emigrated to London and John Jacob then went to the United States following the American Revolutionary War.He built a fur-trading empire that extended to the Great Lakes region and Canada, and later expanded into the American West and Pacific coast