Original sentence: A fierce battle between the Enterprise-D and the Klingons ensues; the Enterprise-D suffers increasing damage.As Captain Garrett and almost all of her bridge crew are dead, Castillo is now in command.As the Enterprise-C's repairs are completed, a Klingon scout ship discovers their location.As the Klingons close in, the Enterprise-D remains to try to hold them off long enough for the Enterprise-C to return.Captain Picard initially resists but eventually agrees.In the two-part (season 4-5) episode Redemption the character of Sela is introduced, a Romulan who looks remarkably like Tasha Yar.It makes a brief attack before re-cloaking, and Captain Garrett is killed.On board the Enterprise-C, Yar does not reveal her secret to Castillo but merely points out that her skills are needed, and "These are my orders".She claims to be Yar's daughter, which Guinan confirms.Tasha Yar senses that Guinan is troubled by seeing her, and induces her to reveal that she should not be here; in the proper timeline, she died a pointless death ("Skin of Evil") and the two never met.Three battlecruisers are sent to attack the ships.With the anomaly becoming unstable, Picard orders the Enterprise-C to return.Yar decides that if she is going to die it might as well be for something, and requests a transfer to the Enterprise-C
Edited sentence: As the Enterprise-C's repairs are completed, a Klingon scout ship discovers their location, and three battlecruisers are sent to attack the ships.Both Enterprises suffer major crew losses under the Klingon barrage, including the death of Captain Garrett and most of her bridge crew on the Enterprise-C.Guinan reveals to Yar that she should not be here; in the proper timeline, she died a pointless death ("Skin of Evil") and the two never met.With the anomaly becoming unstable, Picard orders the Enterprise-C to return, and uses the Enterprise-D to protect it.Yar requests a transfer to the Enterprise-C based on Guinan's advice, which Picard eventually agrees to