Original sentence: Arguing against this theory is the fact that the unusually high speed on the crossover track threw many passengers from their seats and some standing passengers fell to the floor: had Newson's mind been elsewhere, presumably this jolt would have brought him around.It has been suggested that Newson was temporarily paralysed by a rare kind of brain seizure (known as "akinesis with mutism" or "transient global amnesia").This theory is, however, not widely held, having been discounted by the two official investigations into the crash, and rejected by the coroner's jury whose verdict was accidental death
Edited sentence: Had Newson's mind been elsewhere, it is likely that this jolt would have brought him round.It has been suggested that Newson was temporarily paralysed by a rare kind of brain seizure (known as 'akinesis with mutism' or 'transient global amnesia).Passengers onboard the train testified that the unusually high speed at the cross-over point in the tracks threw many from their seats and some standing passengers fell to the floor.This theory is quite unlikely though.This theory is, however, not widely held, having been discounted by the two official investigations into the crash, and rejected by the coroner's jury whose verdict was Accidental Death