Original sentence: After graduating from Royal Holloway and Bedford New College, London University he worked in advertising in London.Cheryl Cole recently wore Rupert Sanderson shoes at the 2009 X Factor auditions and the 2009 X Factor boot camp.However, he found this career unsucessful so he enrolled on the shoe making course at the world recognised Cordwainers College in East London
Edited sentence: After graduating from Royal Holloway and Bedford New College, London University he worked in advertising in London before enrolling on the shoe making course at the world recognised Cordwainers College in East London