Original sentence: Bill then finds a book of sea shanties, in which they discover a song about the Jollyrock, which they commence to sing, in the hopes that it will lift their spirits, as the song graphically tells of the terrors of Jollyrock.Unfortunately it has the opposite effect
Edited sentence: Bill then finds a book of sea shanties, in which they discover a song about the Jollyrock, which they commence to sing, in the hopes that it will lift their spirits, Unfortunately it has the opposite effect, as the song graphically tells of the terrors of the Jollyrock