Original sentence: Astonishingly, this five-member FBI investigation concluded that the main problem with the Garda's operations on the day was that they did not shoot John Carthy soon enough.He described John Carthy’s death as ‘avoidable’ and his death as ‘unique’ because, although An Garda deal with armed individuals regularly, they were proven to be incompetent when dealing with a young man with a history of mental illness who, crucially, was of no threat to any other member of society other than himself.In particular, the ERU negotiator on the day, Sgt Michael Jackson, had trained under their auspices in the United States.The first two shots were fired by the ERU  member and negotiator, Sgt Michael Jackson, into his legs.The next two shots were fired into his torso by Garda Sgt Aidan McCabe
Edited sentence: He described John Carthy’s death as ‘avoidable’ and his death as ‘unique’ because, although An Garda deal with armed individuals regularly, they were proven to be incompetent when dealing with a young man with a history of mental illness who, crucially, was of no threat to any other member of society other than himself and the Gardai that he had already shot at.In particular, the ERU negotiator on the day, Sgt Michael Jackson, had trained under their auspices in the United States, where an armed suspect that has previously fired at police officers and proceeds to threaten the officers is automatically subject to an armed response.Not surprisingly, this five-member FBI investigation concluded that the main problem with the Garda's operations on the day was that they did not shoot John Carthy soon enough.The first two shots were fired by the ERU  member and negotiator,into his legs.The next two shots were fired into his torso by another member of the ERU