Original sentence: He enlisted in the United States Navy and served a tour of duty during the Vietnam War.While in Vietnam, he attempted to commit suicide by swimming out to sea, but changed his mind more than a mile out
Edited sentence: Being confronted with wounded, maimed and dying soldiers on a daily basis instilled in him a desire to study medicine – although later on he found his true calling in scientific research.He enlisted in the United States Navy and served a tour of duty during the Vietnam War, where he worked in the intensive care ward of a field hospital