Original sentence: ' Foo may have been knocked unconscious by his surfboard in the thrashing whitewater of the 'wipe out,' been tangled in his 'leash,' (a cord that attaches to the board and extends to an ankle strap on the surfer's leg), the leash may have been caught in the rock under the surface of the water, or Foo may have gotten confused in the darkness underwater and failed to float or swim in the correct direction to the surface for air.During a week of huge swells Mark Foo, Ken Bradshaw, Brock Little, Mike Parsons, and Evan Slater came from Oahu, Hawaii's north shore to surf Maverick's.Foo's fatal ride occurred in late morning of the first day (December 23, 1994) of riding when (as revealed later on video film), on a late takeoff into an 18-foot wave, Foo caught the edge of his surfboard on the surface and fell into a 'wipe out
Edited sentence: During a week of huge swells Mark Foo, Ken Bradshaw, Brock Little, Mike Parsons, and Evan Slater came on an overnight flight from Oahu, Hawaii's north shore to surf Maverick's.Foo may have been knocked unconscious by his surfboard in the thrashing whitewater of the 'wipe out,' been tangled in his 'leash,' (a cord that attaches to the board and extends to an ankle strap on the surfer's leg), the leash may have been caught in the rock under the surface of the water, or Foo may have gotten confused in the darkness underwater and failed to float or swim in the correct direction to the surface for air.Foo's fatal ride occurred in late morning of the first day (December 23, 1994) of riding when (as revealed later on video film), on a late takeoff into an 18-foot wave, Foo caught the edge of his surfboard on the surface and fell forward into a wipeout near the bottom of the wave