Original sentence: After the kickoff, on St Louis's first play, Warner threw up a long pass that was caught by Rams reciever Isaac Bruce at the Titans' 38, who then was able to run it into the end zone and make the score 23-16 for St.However, the Titans punted on every single possession except one, which led to a missed field goal attempt by Al Del Greco in the first quarter.Louis drove inside the Titans' 20-yard line on every possession during the first half, they weren't able to score a touchdown.Tennessee scored for the first time when George fought his way into the end zone from one yard out for a touchdown, a play set up by a 23-yard scramble by McNair.With 7:20 remaining in the third quarter, the Rams scored on a 9-yard pass from Warner to Torry Holt, making it 16-0
Edited sentence: After the kickoff, on St Louis's first play, Warner threw up a long pass that was caught by Rams reciever Isaac Bruce at the Titans' 38, who then, unbeliveably, was able to run it into the end zone and make the score 23-16 for St.Although their field goal attempt was blocked in their first second-half drive, Tennessee scored for the first time when George fought his way into the end zone from one yard out for a touchdown, a play set up by a 23-yard scramble by McNair.Anyone who loves shootouts would be bored watching the first half.Louis drove inside the Titans' 20-yard line on every possession, they weren't able to score a single touchdown, missing a chance to potentially blow the game wide-open early.The Titans fared even worse, punting on every single possession except one, which led to a missed field goal attempt by Al Del Greco in the first quarter.With 7:20 remaining in the third quarter, the Rams scored on a 9-yard pass from Warner to Torry Holt, making it 16-0 and reviving the chance of a blowout