Original sentence: If people remember de Valera as a blind old man in semi-retirement in the presidency of Ireland in the 1960s and early 1970s, Cosgrave as the prime minister who had to balance the books financially after the Wall Street Crash, Mulcahy as the man who authorised executions of prisoners during the Civil War, Eoin O'Duffy as the policeman turned politician who became attracted to at least the Spanish form of fascism (under Franco), Collins remains in the public memory as the glorious, strapping, young man, barely 30, who delivered a republic, then a treaty, who inspired a generation, and who died before his time as his country stood on the threshold of independence
Edited sentence: If people remember de Valera as a blind old man in semi-retirement in the presidency of Ireland in the 1960s and early 1970s, Cosgrave as the prime minister who mismanaged the economy to a state  of crisis, Mulcahy as the man who authorised executions of prisoners during the Civil War, Eoin O'Duffy as the man who tried to turn Ireland into a facist state,Collins remains in the public memory as the glorious, strapping, young man, barely 30, who delivered an flawed treaty, who inspired some of his generation, and who died before his time as his country stood on the threshold of independence