Original sentence: However, when Jacquie transfers to the school Sara goes to,  a rich girl named Taylor makes friends with Jacquie (because Taylor never had a sweet sixteen) and then proceeds to change Jacquie to be more like herself in order to destroy Sara and Jacquie's relationship
Edited sentence: However, when Jacquie transfers Sara to the school She goes to, When a rich girl named Taylor makes friends with Jacquie (because Taylor never had a sweet sixteen) and then proceeds to change Jacquie to be more like herself in order to destroy Sara and Jacquie's relationship