Original sentence: Bowman remembers his brother Robert "Bobby" Bowman, who died while the two used an improvised scuba device to explore an underwater cave as children, and Bowman visits his elderly mother Jessie Bowman in her hospital room at the moment of her death
Edited sentence: Bowman remembers his brother Robert "Bobby" Bowman, who died tragically while the two used an improvised scuba device to explore an underwater cave as children, and Bowman visits his elderly mother Jessie Bowman in her hospital room at the moment of her death