Original sentence: For instance, Cowdery ignored the First Vision but described an angel (rather than God or Jesus) who called Smith to his work in September 1823.Further, after first asserting that the revival had occurred in 1821, when Smith was in his "fifteenth year," Cowdery corrected the date to 1823 and stated that it was in Smith's 17th year (though 1823 was actually Smith's 18th year).He placed the religious revival that inspired Smith in 1823 (rather than 1820) and stated that this revival experience had caused Smith to pray in his bedroom (rather than the woods of the official history).His version was not entirely congruent with the later official history of the church
Edited sentence: Cowdery first asserted that the revival had occurred in 1821, when Smith was in his "fifteenth year.For instance, Cowdery did not detail the First Vision but rather described the episode of an angel (Moroni) who called Smith to his work in September 1823.He focused on the religious revival that inspired Smith in 1823 (rather than the First Vision account of 1820).His version was detailed other events rather than the later official history of the church.” Later, Cowdery corrected the date to 1823 and stated that it was in Smith's 17th year (though 1823 was actually Smith's 18th year)