Original sentence: A total of 18 officers and 620 sailors were lost, this included the famous artist Vasily Vereshchagin who was famous for making sketches for paintings.The fleet not only lost one of its best battleships but also a talented leader and tactician vice-admiral Stephan Makarov who was respected and loved by the Russians officers and sailors
Edited sentence: A total of 18 officers and 620 men were lost, including renown war artist Vasily Vereshchagin who was famous for making naval and military paintings.The fleet not only lost one of its best battleships, but also a talented leader and tactician, Vice-Admiral Stephan Makarov, who was respected and loved by both officers and men alike