Original sentence: (footnote 1)  Ringelmann was originally inspired to work with independent filmmakers and theater producers after a filmmaker 50 years her senior saw she worked at JPMorgan and asked her to fund his film.(footnote 1, 2)  There she met Eric Schell and Slava Rubin, who had had similar experiences with fundraising.(footnote 3)  Schell had previously worked with The House Theater Company in Chicago (footnote 4), while Rubin had started a charity fundraiser for cancer research, after losing his father to cancer as a child.(footnotes1 and 2 and 3)  In 2006 Ringelmann went on to the Haas School of Business to start a company that would democratize fundraising.Though the performance was popular with audiences there was little financial incentive available, and Ringelmann decided to seek alternative revenue streams
Edited sentence: (footnote 1)  Danae was originally inspired to work with independent filmmakers and theater producers after a filmmaker 50 years her senior saw she worked at JPMorgan and begged her to fund his film.(footnote 1, 2)  There she met her soon-to-be co-founders Eric Schell and Slava Rubin, who had experienced their own fundraising frustrations.(footnote 3)  Eric had worked with The House Theater Company in Chicago (footnote 4), while Slava had started a charity fundraiser for cancer research, after losing his father to cancer as a child.(footnotes1 and 2 and 3)  In 2006 Danae went on to the Haas School of Business to start a company that would democratize fundraising.Frustrated that the audience support did not yield checks from the handful of producers in the audience, Danae realized fundraising for independent media and projects was broken