Original sentence: Although still out of work, he was showing signs of progress.At 14 he was doing well in comprehensive school, but was more serious and subdued.At 28 he was still homeless, although now in Scotland; by 35 he was living in a council house on the Shetland Islands, off the north coast of Scotland.At seven he was funny, full of life and hope.This is something he continues to battle with throughout 28 Up and 35 Up
Edited sentence: Although still unemployed, he was showing signs of progress.At age fourteen he was doing well in comprehensive school, but was more serious and subdued.At age seven he was funny, full of life and hope.At age twenty-eight he was still homeless, although now in Scotland; by age thirty-five he was living in a council house on the Shetland Islands, off the north coast of Scotland.It is deplorable that help for Neil came from only one person, Bruce, out of tens of millions of residents of the UK, that society chose to abuse Neil to satisfy its perversed voyeuristic cravings and dump its responsibility for helping Neil solely onto the shoulders of Bruce, instead of truly improving Neil's living situation.Neil's story illuminates clearly the destruction of social services, how society is becoming increasingly heartless and is regressing back to the days of Dickens' England.This is something with which he continues to battle throughout 28 Up and 35 Up