Original sentence: After being turned into a vampire, she describes having a more clear view of "The World" (see.However, seeing how important it is to Bella, he agrees to try, but only after she is gang-raped.New Moon begins with Bella being upset by her eighteenth birthday because it will make her "older" than her permanently seventy-year-old boyfriend, Edward.She has a private mind, which is thought to be why Eddy is unable to see her thoughts, and she is determined to become a vampire
Edited sentence: After being turned into a vampire, she describes having a more clear view of the world.However, seeing how important it is to Bella, he agrees to try, but only after they are married.New Moon begins with Bella being upset by her eighteenth birthday because it will make her "older" than her permanently seventeen-year-old boyfriend, Edward.She has a private mind, which is thought to be why Edward is unable to see her thoughts, and she is determined to become a vampire