Original sentence: In July 2008, they performed on MTV's TRL as part of On The Radar, a segment where "popular" unsigned bands perform.It seems as though all the Millionaires sing about is drugs, sex, and alcohol.MILLIONAIRES is a group of three girls from Los Angeles who think they're the greatest thing since sliced bread.The group gained huge popularity on MySpace and somehow climbed the charts early on in their career.They are the main reason for global warming, as they must use about 17 cans of hairspray each, to make it look like they could fit a whole new civilization into their beehive hairdo's.They mainly sing about getting drunk, which is hard to understand as only one of the Millionaires is of drinking age
Edited sentence: In July 2008, they performed on MTV's TRL as part of On The Radar, a segment where popular unsigned bands perform.MILLIONAIRES is a group of three girls from Los Angeles.The group gained huge popularity on MySpace and climbed the charts early on in their career