Original sentence: Dell learned to target specific populations for newspaper subscriptions rather than just making cold calls, and earned $18,000 that summer.He hired several employees, and after earning a gross profit of nearly $200,000 in his first year of business, Dell dropped out of the University of Texas at age 19
Edited sentence: Dell dropped out of the University of Texas in his first year aged 19.Dell earned $18,000 that year, exceeding the annual income of his history and economics teacher.He then hired some friends who scoured local court records so he could target this demographic group by collecting names from marriage and mortgage applications.He then segmented those leads by the size of the mortgage, calling on those with the highest mortgages first.He used the company's first financial statement to convince his parents of his decision to drop out of college.The statement, dated July 31, 1984, shows a gross profit of nearly $200,000.While making cold calls, he noted that the people most likely to purchase subscriptions were those in the process of establishing permanent geographic and social presence