original: By 8.30 pm he had attracted the attention of the watchman for the Maritime Service Board, James Cargill.
simplifications: By 8:30pm he drew the attention of James Cargill of the Maritime Service Board. James Cargill, the watchman for the Maritime Service Board, noticed him by 8.30 pm. By 8.30 pm, he had attracted the attention of the watchman. By 8.30 pm, he had caught the eye of the Maritime Service Board watchman, James Cargill. By 8:30, the watchman noticed him. He had attracted the attention of the Maritime Service Board watchman, James Cargill, by 8:30 pm. By 8.30 pm he had got the attention of the watchman James Cargill. By 8.30pm, he had attracted the attention of James Cargill, the watchman of the Maritime Service Board. By 8.30 p.m. he had attracted the attention of James Cargill, the Maritime Service Board watchman. By 8.30 pm, he had gotten the attention of the watchman for the Maritime Service Board, James Cargill.