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I really don't think it's necessary that I write a review on a movie with a title as derisory as "Snake Island", but even in the abstract confines of its own genre, this hit a new low, so my anger must be known. The only reason why I even bothered to watch this unbelievably bad movie is because I knew it was going to be bad, it was really late at night, I could not sleep, and in the past, really bad movies would drain the energy out of me and make me long for slumber. It became very quickly very early on that this movie was going to be awful, but it condescended below even those expectations.
The movie was directed and written by Wayne Crawford, who also stars in the movie as a tourist guide on the African river, who ends up having to strand his team on a remote island called Snake Island until another boat comes down to pick them up. They hang out, get drunk, and then become subject to the onslaught of poisonous snakes who are on a mission to purge their island of human beings.
If your jaw dropped at the last sentence of my second paragraph, don't bother to reread it, you got it right the first time. Frankly, I prefer my creature features when the creature(s) just attack the nonsensically dumb humans out of hunger, not because they have some kind of a mission. These aren't mutant snakes. They're not giants like what you see in "Anaconda." They're just ordinary, everyday African snakes like mambas and vipersonly they have the brains to form armies, take up causes, work together to trap people, understand our language, and even dance! Did your draw drop again? Well, it's going to drop further. Amount midway through this awful B-movie, about the part where I'd already given up, the human characters start drinking around a campfire and then all of a sudden, they break down into some kind of an orgy. And while they dance nude and such, the snakes hunting them all of a sudden stop and start jamming along to it. The combination of this scene and the scene where we discover that snakes, some the most roguish creatures on the planet, have formed an alliance against human beings for some oddball reason, proved just too much for my poor brain. And just when I though the filmmakers couldn't take it to an even lower level, the snakes started to sing.
The people in the movie? Well, let's just say that never before have I rooted for the creatures to kill everybody off so quickly. I just could not stand it any longer.
I really don't think I need to keep going on; you get the picture. If there is anything that makes "Snake Island" any different from its other rivals, it's that it does dare to try to be even dumber and that's not a complimentary achievement. Whyjust whyI continue to subject myself to these really bad movies, I guess I'll never really know. But "Snake Island" hits a brand new low. It's a cheap, trashy excuse for a motion picture that makes "Anaconda," a brainless snake movie, look as brilliant and sophisticated and thrilling as Steven Spielberg's "Jaws." You have been warned.


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Now we know where they got the idea of Snakes on a Plane. To put it bluntly, do not pay to see this movie. If you really want to waste 90 minutes of your life, then either catch it on cable, or get it as a free pick from NetFlix or Blockbuster. Do not pay to rent this. If you do pay to rent this, then you are one stupid individual. The acting was awful, the plot was awful, everything was awful except for the snakes. Whether they were real or CGI generated, they did look pretty good. But that being said, still this movie has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Even the nude dancing scene was pretty bad that I actually fast forwarded through that. Don't sat I did not warn you.


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A wide variety of snakes stage an uprising on tourists "invading" their island due their captain's boat damage. The few remaining survivors who aren't caught vulnerable by the snakes will attempt an escape mission, their goal to flee to available boats which can get them safely off the island.
Presented straight-faced with injected doses of visual humor featuring lots of snake gags, Wayne Crawford's SNAKE ISLAND features plenty of different breeds of the slithery predators, in striking position, ready to attack their prey. Star William Katt, as an author researching snakes for a forthcoming novel, has fun in his role along with writer / director / co-star Wayne Crawford(..as the tourist boat captain) as put-upon heroes who stare down a most serious crisis. Kate Connor is Crawford's attractive love interest, a lawyer on vacation. The other cast members serve as either tourists or crew, mostly fodder for the snakes.
As in many other movies of this type, director Crawford features live snakes with computer generated ones, and the violence is really tame. Crawford even incorporates the point-of-view technique with the camera as the eyes of the snake as it faces the potential victim(..with the actor looking directly into the camera). Never to be taken seriously, the tongue-in-cheek approach was probably the best way to shoot SNAKE ISLAND because the premise is just too ridiculous to accept on it's own.
The effects and suspense scenes rarely work because Crawford is often unable to successfully stage the sequences where humans face off with the snakes. The snake attacks themselves also never happen on screen(..one or two tops), or are so limply presented they leave little impression. That's a no-no for a genre such as this. Fans of Katt will probably want to check it out because he does provide some facial comedy that establishes the overall tone of certain scenes where he must defend himself against the snakes. The CGI scenes where we see a large number of snakes in a general area aren't very effective which remove the realism Crawford might've attempted to establish. There are plenty of better horror films featuring snakes as the aggressors than SNAKE ISLAND. Surprising moments of nudity, relegated to a scene where the tourists and crew unwind after a long day with the bubbly, not knowing what danger lie ahead.


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I will not vote this movie as an awful one, mainly because i kind of like it, i was one of those summer days that i was so lame to do anything and decided do rent a movie in the stupid section of the videostore. Besides that i didn't slept in the nigh before and the movie got me awake...Let's just start the autopsy, OK, the movie haves a strange plot, first is isolation, there is an expedition, they get isolated in an island because there is no gas on the boat, something like that, there is not a single convincing performance on the actors part(so far), the main problem starts after the isolation idea, the POV of a snake, then another, ...then another, then snakes that change, then false spooks, a lot of them, and when we believe the movie is going on a good way for a b flick keeping the suspense it fails, because after ten or eleven spooks we don't get carried away, the one scene that unmistifies all is the scene when we witness a drunk lesbian show watched by snakes that seem to dance, after this it's becoming not a horror\adventure but a comedy driven movie, the adventure part is discarded also.
For me the problem in a movie is the third act, it is the one section that just drives the movie for a already guessed conclusion, or if it succeeds we don't noticed it, like a ninja smoke in our eyes, well....Snake island haves a bad conclusion, it all comes to a «by the book» ending, with a confront, persecution and escape sequence, it was predictable in the moment i rented the dam copy. The other real problem is concept, concept is very important, it is the reason you believe in dinosaurs coming to life or a corpse full of stitches that just wants to live, the main concept about snakes that want revenge after decades on torture by the human civilization, well...hmmm, just doesen't glues on the wall. One thing you will enjoy (if you watch it with an opened mind) is the more b-z sequences, naked lesbian girls, some amateur camera angles, the braindead homage with the grass cutter, the black dude doesen't die first, and thats all... if you want to see snakes, black dudes and comedy and you prefer bigger budgets go and see «snakes on a plane».
Hasta moviegoers


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A group of tourists are stranded on Snake Island after an unfortunate accident with their boat. They are forced to spend the night and as you probably suspected, it isn't called Snake Island because it's just soooooo much fun to say - it has a history of people disappearing one by one because of the large snake population, which is just what happens with these poor dumb souls. This is a very boring and typical movie with tons of off screen snake attacks and lousy performances from NOBODY actors. The only somewhat entertaining scene was an absolutely unnecessary and forced strip scene which ain't anything couldn't see in a PG13 rated movie, folks. If you are into snake movies than check out SSSSSSS, but don't torture yourself with this crap.


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George Sluizer of THE VANISHING fame ( He made both the haunting European original and the Hollywood remake ) directed CRIMETIME . He shouldn't really be blamed for this confused , poor movie because all the problems lie in Brendan Somers script . It's ill focused and lazily written . For instance the killer hangs around a nightclub waiting to pick up a victim , any victim and starts talking to a teenage girl . Cut to the next scene where she tells the villain " I've told you everything about myself , tell me about your life ? " Unfortunately the girl has told the baddie her life story off screen and is a terrible example of the screenwriter not being able to bring a character to life through dialogue . I know for a fact how bloody difficult this is but for a screenplay that is produced the writer should have tried harder
It's difficult to explain the message of the film . At some points it feels like it's trying to be a British NATURAL BORN KILLERS satarising the media's voyeurism with crime ( Perhaps it even influenced the infamous video game MANHUNT ) but the script isn't witty enough to carry this off . When you've got a sex scene that doesn't progress the plot or characters or hint of subtext you know you've got a badly written screenplay and CRIMETIME is a badly written screenplay


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The basic idea for this movie was good, but there was no real character development and the pacing was slow. Maybe because I saw it in a sloppily edited, pan&scanned video version ? (It went straight to video in France.)


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Thinking that it could only get better was the worst assumption I ever made....
Drivvle does not describe this movie appropriately enough!
Not only is the plot thin, but I get more emotional acting from my pet fish!
It was a shame to see Pete Postlethwaite, whom I respect as an actor trying to do the best with the little he had to work with...
I think that a cardboard cut out of Stephen Baldwin would have done a better job , and in fact have been more animate.
Avoid at all costs! This could really be hazardous to your health!


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The Emperor's New Groove was a great twist for Disney. It wasn't a musical! It had clean, fresh jokes and no political twists. It was just a darn funny movie.
Kronk's New Groove, on the other hand, is tired and weak. My 3-year-old still loves Emperor's New Groove, but fell asleep during Kronk's. There really isn't any really conflict (that, in the first movie, lead to all of the wacky adventures). Because of the lack of conflict, it almost seems like the animators threw out the writers and just made the storyline up as they went along.
I kept waiting for something to happen that would make the movie fun . . . and still am.


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...but of course I was wrong.
Now, I never expected to like the first movie. I'm not sure what's up with Disney's marketing group, but it seems that every trailer they make for an animated film ends up turning me off as too childish, or silly, or stupid, and yet the movies themselves are usually anything but. And no movie looked worse to me in the trailers than The Emperor's New Groove, which is why I was quite surprised to actually find myself quite enjoying that film when I finally broke down and saw it. I entered with zero expectations and came out pleasantly entertained.
Despite Disney's track record with direct-to-video sequels, I had nonetheless hoped for a better experience with Kronk here... but in the end I was nothing but disappointed (and unfortunately not exactly surprised that I felt that way). There's almost no humor targeted towards adults. The original songs are uninspired and sickly cute. The animation, while not bad, still doesn't come close to Emperor (which was no Lion King to start with).
The main plot, as such, is astoundingly "minor" and is comprised mainly of a sequence of mini-plot flashbacks - in fact the while thing felt more like a sequence of pilot episodes for a Saturday morning cartoon series than a well conceived single entity.
David Spade gets about four lines throughout the entire movie and there isn't exactly a lot of John Goodman either, so overall we're just left with far too much of Patrick Warburton's Kronk - who was entertaining as a secondary character in the first movie but is completely inappropriate as the main lead here.
Although kids might find it somewhat fun, the only thing Kronk's New Groove managed to do for me is make me want to go back and watch the far superior original.


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The EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE cast returns for Disney Pictures follow up, but this time the spotlight is on Kronk(voiced by Patrick Warburton), who is no longer Yzma's(Eartha Kitt)henchman. Kronk has started a new life and is very happy with his role as chef of his own restaurant. Things go merrily along until Kronk gets word that his Papi(John Mahoney)is coming for a visit. Kronk is worried, because he knows that his life won't impress his Papi. One thing that he has always wanted and never received is a "thumbs up" from his dad. A flurry of blunders and a gigantic cheese explosion in the restaurant leaves our likable hero very deep in trouble and anxiety. To save the day, a little help from his friends.
Other voices: Tracey Ullman, David Spade, John Goodman, Wendie Malick, April Winchell and Gatlin Green.


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This might sound weird, but I only got to see the first movie (The Emperor's New Groove, yaddayadda) a week ago and only because of one episode of the TV show. I simply adore Kuzco's character, but Kronk isn't that bad either. Anyway, eventually I decided to watch the second film, just so I would've seen it. Hoped it would be as good as the first one, but... I'm sorry to tell this, but the more the humour got American, the more I yawned. I agreed with Kuzco when he started crying seeing all the cheesy footage.
Still, younger kids and probably veterans too will love this movie to bits (if they like the old school moralising Disney that is), but I just had expectations that were an eensy teensy little bit hell of a lot higher than they should've been. Kronk is a lovely character, being good hearted and dumb all at once, but it were Pacha and Kuzco in drag that woke me up at the end of the movie. (I'll ignore Rudy... for as far that's possible).
Anyway, great movie, just not my style and as they say, you always have to be true to your groove.


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I really liked the movie 'The Emporer's New Groove', but watching this was like coming home and seeing your wife having "relations" with a llama. Seriously, this movie was bad. It's like Club Dread after Super Troopers. I am supposed to write 10 lines, but I don't even know what else to say. I laughed a couple of times, but only because I was drinking. A movie like that should at least be funny when your drunk. It was not. Maybe llamas are just funny and regular cartoon people aren't. Either way, just stick with The Emporer's New Groove if you want a funny, cartoon, llama-themed movie. Line 10 is this line right here.


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Another direct to video movie from Disney, that is essentially perfect for the kids. The problem with Kronk's New Groove I find is that everything that made the first movie a fun great ride is replaced with a more sad and sombre film. In this movie, Kronk learns a great deal of lessons at many others' expenses. It takes away much time that could be spent at creating a more enjoyable film.
Kronk's New Groove deals with two stories: Yzma returns for payback and one Ms. Birdwell hopes to defeat Kronk's camp counseling championship. This all leads up to Kronk confronting his father and his disapproval over his son's direction in life.
From Lord of the Rings to Michael Jackson's Thriller, Kronk's New Groove recycles every bit of time that it allows to entertain its viewers. If you loved the original, or are looking forward to the upcoming TV series about Kuzco, I recommend Kronk to his loyal fans.


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What we have here the standard Disney direct to DVD sequel, where I would expect cots are cut in all areas resulting in an okay animated movie that falls well short of the original. That is not to say that this is a terrible movie it is just that it is a very mediocre movie full of the preachy messages intended to show children the virtues of friendship and being nice to one another and unless done subtly (which it is not here) can quickly become grating for adults. The film has a very thin plot line with Kronk trying to win the approval of his father, and ending up finding the true meaning of wealth and success. This has it's comedy moments but is really nor enough to carry a full length film.


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This is the worst waste of time I've ever experienced. not even close to the first one. The story line difficult to follow - plot was weak - at best. The whole thing looked like three stories trying some way to tie them together and make a movie. It had a few good lines here and there - and the attempt at the message was admirable, but they went from Houston through New York to get to Dallas. It was really hard to tell over what period of time the present time took up. The movie was just over an hour and it felt like we had sat there watching the movie all afternoon. Mayve points for being honest - but a son should not have to do all that Kronk felt he had to do. Do your self a favor - Watch Kuzco again.


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This coming from an adult who happened to come across the first one expecting a movie aimed towards children and was surprised at the adult humor that was in Emperors New Groove. The character i liked most of all was Kronk, so i was thrilled when i heard of the sequel (sp) featuring non other than "Kronk".
I just watched Kronk's New groove, it took me two days because i had to shut it off, i was so bored halfway through it. I finally watched the rest of it the next day and unfortunately the 2nd half was every bit as lame as the first.
Being a Disney film, i was expecting to have some musical scenes, however this one was filled with them and they were not amusing. The great thing i found about Emperors New Groove was that it could be appreciated by a wide audience, from toddlers to adults. Kronks New Groove in all honesty did nothing for me nor my girlfriend and we both loved the first. It is really aimed towards young children, the comedy is pretty childish, the musical scenes are not very well done and the plot itself is extremely corny.
Save yourself some money and rent this movie if possible because its definitely not worthy of a second viewing. I was extremely disappointed and shocked at how thrown together this film was. They actually managed to make a character(Kronk)not funny in this film, that is amazing in itself.
Obviously every ones opinion differs but i am very easily amused, i usually enjoy sequels (sp) even when others discredit them, mostly because i loved the first so much i needed more of the characters and no matter how bad the plot was i would enjoy the film. I cannot say the same for this one, i never would have thought i would be turning it off half way through due to pure boredom.
Buy at Own Risk.


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Ewww! A Disney sequel that is rubbish! Who would have thought it? Actually, quite a lot judging by the comments here, and they aren't wrong. I actually looked forward to seeing this awful film based on my liking of the original. And therein lies Disney's whole "cash-in" mentality. Shovel out any old junk on the back of a success and people will go for it. Don't think they are that cynical? Ask yourself this, then....How many Disney films have sequels? And then....How many of those sequels spawn a follow-up? A significantly lower number.
Kronk's New Groove is just another example of this. The plot is laughably simplistic and drawn out. Even more annoying was the increased number of "out of place" items and scenes - an old folks home for example and, God forbid an Aztec version of the Boy Scouts! Worse yet, Kronk's opposing Chippamunk leader has a completely bewildering over-the-top English accent for no reason whatsoever. An accent that was, after a very short while, intensely grating on the nerves.
There are a couple of good things. The animation is very nice and the voice talent do well with the sub-standard dialogue they are given - especially Warburton in the lead role. But other than this there really is nothing to recommend it. Sure, little kids may like it, but there is little to amuse mum and dad whilst they sit through this tortuous maiming of the original concept.
Avoid this monstrosity with the same zeal you'd use in avoiding a pack of ravening man-eating lions.


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When i heard they were making this i was quited happy considering the first film was pretty good, if a little on the short side.
But then i remembered some of the Disney sequel disasters i have previously watched (im looking at you Little mermaid 2).
Anyway i watched it and unfortunately i was very disappointed. The best thing about it is the animation is superb. It really has that special polish that the "proper" Disney films have.
Apart from that.. the rest is disappointing. The storyline is seriously all over the place. One moment its about something, then completely changes to another storyline and then changes to another completely different storyline. It reminded me of how the Family Guy movie was like 3 separate episodes, turned into a film.
I laughed perhaps once at the most. Kronk was very funny in the original film but in this he just isn't funny at all.
Stay away from this film, unless someone lends it to you for free.
4/10


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I don't understand the humor in this film. I also found it offensive on how Koreans were depicted in that film, despite how it is actually just a caricature of Koreans in those areas. First, the actors are Japanese, and they make the most rude expressions of Koreans in that film. It disgusts me on how these people are expressed. I felt anger just watching that one scene, and how they were so badly made out in the film. The humor lasts just for one laugh, and then you don't understand why it's even funny. It's crude humor with the most disgusting representation of society there. I found it to be an offensive film overall... Maybe it was just because I never lived in the "hood" or saw any "hood" movies, but I don't intend to either.


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The is one of the worst spoofs I have ever seen. For one main reason: IT ISN'T FUNNY! I laughed a handful of times. The acting is bad, the script is worse. And why those guys had baby pacfiers in their hair I will never know. And you can tell this didn't have much of a budget to work with and it openly hurts the film. They had a good idea going in some parts but it never really came to past. And what was the point about the lead being older than his Dad? 3 out of 10


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Now I know that a lot of black humor pokes fun at typical black things like for example gold teeth. But that doesn't mean that they always are funny. Don't be a menace is an example of this. The urban movie certainly lends itself for satire. The problem is that Wayans and consorts not only try satirize the typical 'ghetto' culture, they also belittle valid statements that are made in urban movies such as Boyz 'n' the Hood or Menace II Society. Personally I think that the makers of this movie should get their heads away from the bowel movements of their white masters. Besides this, the movie in itself is terrible. It's absolutely not funny. The jokes are racist. Instead of satirizing the urban movie genre, the moviemakers show their views of the 'ignorant' urban (ghetto) blacks. Now there are some other jokes in this movie, but I believe this to be the main fare.
In conclusion this movie is crap and the makers should use their talents to make a constructive comedy/satire movie. They have examples in Men With Black Hats (which was made before this movie) and Friday.


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"Menace" is not funny. It tries hard - too hard. but rarely brings a smile. There is no acting, just mugging. One of the main characters wears a stupid grimace on his face the entire movie. No doubt as the less talented Wayans brothers starred, wrote and produced the film they were entirely blind to their lack of talent.
Menace consists of a series of unfunny, one joke skits. The punchline can be seen a mile off, but you have to wait until it all unfolds. No zippy one-liners or snappy dialogue here. Just one scene after another building up to the joke. The jokes themselves are juvenile. Loc Dog (the one with the perma-grimace) talks to a beautiful woman - but then she has ... bad breath and then she picks her nose and then, wait for it (remember you must always w-a-i-t) she farts! How funny is that? Ten-year old boys may find it funny as they won't have heard the jokes as many times before. Alternatively, if you like watching movies completely drunk or stoned then you will be able to follow along and may even find it amusing. The challenge will be getting drunk enough to reduce your mental state to the level of the movie without passing out.


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(mild spoilers)
This movie was filthy and stupid. It could have done well without the constant humping and nude sex. It was also very profane. I think that they had a good story developing, but they messed up the whole thing by overdoing it.


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Ok, I will make this review short and to the point for those people whose mental capacity is perfect for watching this movie. Everybody knows of Motion Picture Association of America's ratings: G, PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17. For the purposes of this movie, I think the MPA should create a new rating standard: IQ-20.


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Going by the good words of my friends, I hired this movie, hoping that it would at least equal the laughs of the similar movie, "House Party", but I was very disappointed, and very bored.
Falling asleep while watching a movie is never a good sign. I don't know whether this didn't appeal to me because I don't live in "da hood", or if I'm not black, but it's probably one of the two.
It tries to spoof a few movies, only coming up with a couple of laughs, but in the long run it fails miserably. Miss it.


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i have rated this movie a 1/10 and have done this in good nature. this movie is not as it seems and i don;t get the point of it. take the first joke for instance. Their's that sign at the beginning to start. well that was OK but then they start having some guy talking about the hood and then he dies then theirs the other guys who talks then he dies after the other guy says people don;t get to their birthday with out dieing. and he gets a cake now. then he dies.
The jokes are just stupid they are;t that smart and i would have thought they would have been better from some one like the directors of scary movie:
Shawn Wayans (written by) & Marlon Wayans (written by) & Phil Beauman (written by)
but it sucked and i hop next time they want to make another comedy they make some good jokes not lame ones.


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I know, it's a movie. But when it comes to portray real life (in any matter) it should be as faithful as possible. I'm sorry, but "El Misterio Galíndez" isn't as accurate as it seems. Nor is the Dominican Republic depicted as it really is. In fact, it shocked me to see that the filming location for Santo Domingo was actually Cuba. And incredibly enough, movies with Cuban themes (Havana, The lost City, Bitter Sugar, The Godfather part II) were actually filmed in Santo Domingo! So what happened here? Why did they shoot the movie in Cuba instead of the D.R.? The Spanish dialogs with the Cuban accent are horrible! Those are not Dominicans! On the historic level, Galíndez would have never been hanged. He might as well been shot, decapitated or died from the inhumane torture he'd been receiving. Then, thrown his body in the Caribbean sea. But Trujillo would have never ordered death by strangulation. His sick mind wouldn't have allowed it.
Acting isn't delivered as expected. Harvey Keitel looks like he's just expecting a paycheck. I prefer the leading actress in "Deep Blue Sea". The rest of the cast would have been excellent in some Cuban movie, and the same goes for the selected shooting location.
I suggest "La fiesta del chivo" (The feast of the goat), from bestselling author Mario Vargas Llosa, directed by his cousin Luis Llosa. It's a bit more realistic with Dominican history. The Trujillo character is very well portrayed, and the Galindez incident is treated very briefly in this movie.


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FC De Kampioenen's only reason for existence is it's local popularity. It has caused this sitcom to run for over 15 years (and still counting).
It deals about an amateur soccer team with the emphasis "amateur". Every storyline deals with the same subject: some misunderstanding that takes ridiculous (and predictable) proportions, to get resolved in the end.
The show's been running for over 15 years now, and the production probably decided not to change a winning team. Which means that the show has had minor changes over the course of years (besides a couple of actors getting replaced (they nearly all left by themselves rather than being thrown of the show)). The humor hasn't changed a bit over the years and it was already outdated when it first aired in the first place.
I guess you have to be Flemish to get this, and over 60 years old, to enjoy such an old fashioned TV show as this.


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We've seen a story like this before: a wife in marital troubles (played by Nastassja Kinski) engages in sex with a stranger (William Baldwin) and then wants to go back to her life with husband and girl. When she returns home she finds out that her husband has finally found a job. Everything seems bright. However, Kinski finds out that her husband's new boss is actually the stranger who still shows interest over her and seems to do anything to get what he wants. What to do? Say nothing?
I didn't really like the movie. While it wasn't just bad, it clearly lacked "that something". Maybe it should've focused more on what's going inside Kinski's head. Nothing to say about the actors themselves (I guess Baldwin was a good choice for the role of the obsessed boss) but the characters seemed somewhat stereotypical, acting the way you would see characters acting in your everyday TV films. Finally, the ending totally ruined what could have been an interesting plot.
In my opinion the movie tried to look cool, it had a bit of shaky camerawork here and there, some stills, fast cuts and glamour, but in the end I think it fits Spelling productions much better. Same goes for the music. Otherwise it didn't look that bad.
Some might like this but it definitely wasn't my cup of tea. To be fair, I don't usually watch much this type of thrillers. This one felt too long even if it was just an hour and a half long, I think it could've worked better as an hour long episode in some TV series. There was absolutely no need for some of the scenes, especially the shower scene.
My advice: Try before you buy!


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Egads.
I used to think Keannu Reeves was the worst actor in Hollywood. I not so sure anymore, Willy gives Keannu some stiff competition with his "I'm made of plaster" performance in this movie.
Combine that with the fact that there is almost no plot, and not a single likable character, and it's pretty hard to recommend this turkey.
Natasha tries her best, but even Julia Roberts couldn't save this flick from obscurity.
Avoid it unless it's really late and there's nothing else on. -Oh heck, in that case just read a book.


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Awful! Awful! Awful! Drab, unimaginative, predictable - and with all the usual suspects. Exactly the sort of film the Irish Film industry shouldn't be making. And with the added bonus of a treacle-coated ending. A sickening example of how talent & originality is by-passed in favour of an almost aggressive mediocrity. Yes - the children are sweet. Yes - it almost looks like it's done professionally. But this is film making by numbers, a direct smash and grab on what the director obviously thinks is 'success' - a film which patronises and despises the audience. It's quite amazing that Working Title would pour £3m into this rubbish. But then, they paid for Love Actually. Don't waste your money.


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A blind person could have shot this movie better...seriously! The director is clearly a novice. He must be Dennis Hopper's coke dealer or something to convince him to be in this movie. I felt so embarrassed for Dennis.
To John, the director...PLEASE retire from directing. Your contribution is not needed nor wanted. The medium of film is stronger without you. You are terrible at directing. Stick to bagging groceries or something.
This movie should've bypassed "straight to video" and gone "striaght to the trashcan." I'm a dumber person for having seen this movie. DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE IF YOU RESPECT YOURSELF AND RESPECT THE ARTFORM OF FILM!


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I thought Choke had potential, but I thought it could have been a much better film. It had some interesting twists and turns, but some of them seemed kind of pointless. When showing background on the two main characters, some of that really seemed to go awry. Most of it was sort of useless and didn't help the movie at all. This was also not Dennis Hopper's finest hour. However, the main saving grace of this movie for me was Michael Madsen. His performance was excellent. In this movie, he almost makes Mr. Blonde look like a nice guy. All in all, it was watchable. Still, I was left thinking some things could have been done differently. These things would have made the movie much better, in my opinion.


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Hopper has never been worse as if he felt as this movie is worthy of only a grade B performance and he delivers a rather good one. Outside of Madsen and Hopper the acting is horrid; you've seen better at your local high school. The sound and at times the editing and camera shots are low end of B-movies. The scene with the peeping tom is of movies greatest gratuitous nudity scenes I've ever seen (it doesn't even come close to fitting in the movie). The script was probably a great 10-page outline, but when it comes out to a full-length movie there are more holes in it then the dead bodies Madsen left behind. I do have to say Hopper dressed in a nice suit driving the Hummer had me laughing out loud, but I don't think that was the intent. Yes there is a little style, and Hopper can always draw my interest. However the interesting plot concept never pays off and you are left wondering why you wasted your time watching this.


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The worst movie i've ever seen. I still don't understand what Dennis Hopper and Michael Madsen intend to do in. Maybe they had bills to pay... The best and cult part happens during a flashback which brings us during WWII when a Nazi officer hide his Jewish wife. That's the beginning of a typical serial killer life! It seems to be directed during the beginning of the 80's but then appears a New Beattle... Amazing! This movie was directed in 2001... I'm quite sure that it took less than two weeks to do that movie. I heard that Dennis Hopper's wife asked for divorce after she saw that picture and Michael Madsen's mother had a heart attack when the actor admitted to be the man under the yellow baseball hat. Pathetic!


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I admit it now. This is one of the lamest films ever made. But, in Mr Sjogrens defense, the "Not really"-scene wasn't all bad!
And you gotta love the effort of going all the way to Sweden just to find a sweet Swedish 15 year old blonde, have her speak Swedish posing as the Jewish mother of Henry (dennis hopper).
What makes this scene so perfect is that Henrys father answers the blonde Swedish-speaking(Jewish?) girl in German...
The best actor/actress of all in the film must be the nun who takes care of Henrys mother, this is a woman who has had no experience whatsoever of acting, but still puts in the most convincing performance of all!
All and all, this flick is nostalgia for me personally, it is after all what gave me a posting on IMDb:s database. :D
//Feelin like a movie-star*


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I think it's two years ago since I have seen the movie and till this day it's the worst film I have ever seen. The only thing I thought after seeing this movie was that it was made for some tax reason. So after all this time I finally spilled my gut ;) And now IMDb says I have to fill 10 lines with comments:
"Sorry, you must provide at least 10 lines in your comment. Please return to the edit window (or use the BACK option if this isn't a new window)."
Please there is nothing to say anymore...
Sorry for some bad English.


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I just can't imagine any possible reasons why Madsen and Hopper wanted to be in this movie after reading the script. They got blackmailed maybe? Or are they that badly out of money? The main problem with the movie is that it's boring. The conversations between Madsen's and Hopper's character are pointless, just like the bored chatting between two buddies while drinking beer on a saturday night. You never feel for any of the characters (although Madsen's psycho killer is very likeable, comparing to the other characters). Hopper always was a good actor, and Madsen does a fine job as the serial killer, otherwise the acting is almost laughable. There are about three scenes in the whole movie where something is actually happening, each of them last about three minutes. Although the "talking and thinking about murder and the nature of murderers" scenes would have been interesting, if they were scenes in a book. The whole concept would've been interesting for a novel, but a movie just can't bare with a story with that much inner thinking and so little action.


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This movie was very disappointing, and except for a few moments, wasn't fly at all. More than anything, it was just flippin' stupid. The music was frickin' bad and the plot played out like a BYU bowl game  very predictable (avoiding embarrassment by scoring, a late game flurry of touchdowns, a rally that falls short and leads to a loss). In essence, the half-childish / half-naive Will (the movie's fetcher) and his religiously confused brother Danny (we'll just call him a democrat), treat Kirby (the movie's "Sweet Spirit"), the 3rd member of their hapless Mormon "boy band," like crap until the man and father figure of the film (the stage manager, Jill) has a talk with Will and straightens him out. Believably, Will's personality changes 180 degrees and he's instantly the mature and self-aware leader of the band. This would be a cute, perhaps funny, 10 minute roadshow gig, but the fact that the movie is 93 minutes long really sucks the life out of you if you watch it to the end. My advise  take the money you'd normally spend to rent this show and either burn it in your fireplace or flush it down the toilet  more entertainment with much less time commitment. If you want to watch a better movie of the same genre, get Saints and Soldiers  not a comedy but an infinitely better show (actually, Kirby has more funny stuff in Saints than he does in SOP).


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I attended the premier last night. The movie started out with a bang (perhaps due to pre-premier excitement). The audience laughed for about 15 minutes, then most of us spent the rest of the time fighting off sleep. This movie can not be compared to _Spinal Tap_ or any of Guest's work, unless you want to say _Sons of Provo_ is a wanna-be gone awfully wrong. It just fell flat, it died, it was painful. The story went nowhere, the jokes were bland, even if you were a Mormon and could get all of the inside jokes, it felt like a waste of time. There were two redeeming qualities: Kirby's acting was spot on! And the songs were very clever (for an LDS audience only). So, my recommendations... Avoid the movie. And if you are Mormon, buy the music CD.


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I was invited to an early screening of the movie about four months before it was released. I had to watch the film and later fill out a packet on my thoughts. It was THE hardest thing to sit through on earth. The show just crawls by, and you quickly begin wishing you were dead. The thing is, there are two types of Mormon films. The good ones with actual good stories, and the crappy ones that just plain stink. Saints and Soldiers, now there is a good movie. But, with these wannabe-comedies, the writers and the actors just try too hard. Basically, they try to be funny when they are not. No wonder why there is such a small target audience for these films; they're filled with 'inside jokes' that aren't funny to begin with, and they just try to poke fun at average things. It's the story that makes the movie, and the stories for these movies are just weak. I bet you can guess what my packet looked like when I was told to fill it out after the movie. ;)


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Alice Dodgson,a New York doctor gets her license suspended when she treats one of her patients with an unapproved drug,resulting in the patient's death.Without a job,Alice is forced to go to Jamaica,where she tends to the brother of a wealthy white landowner.The brother thinks he's a zombie and is deeply involved in the local people's voodoo practices and rituals."Ritual" is a mediocre horror flick.The action is pretty dull,the plot twists are silly and there is no suspense.There is a bit of gore as someone is killing off white people with a machete,but not too much.The cinematography is decent,however the acting is truly woeful.Definitely one to avoid.4 out of 10.


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