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This was the second MST3K'd movie I ever saw, and still holds a place in my heart as one of the most hilariously awful film experiences you are ever going to have.
Miles O'Keeffe (sp?) is in this, using his chiseled physique to score another payment on the mortgage on his condominium. He's stiff, wooden, and unconvincing, but he still comes across as a cool, likable guy, and at least he's photogenic. That's the only decent I can find to say about the movie, so I thought I would get it out of the way right up front. The fact that he is in the movie adds another point to the score and saves it from being a "1 out of 10".
In no particular order, examples of how badly put together this film is:
1)OK, the Tanya Roberts clone (Mila) quests to 'the ends of the earth' to find Ator, which takes 3 minutes of screen time, including the time she spends stumbling around dying from a poisoned arrow in her shoulder (which I assume would have slowed her down quite a bit). So Ator heals her up, and takes his trusty aid Thong and sets out to go back to the her castle...and proceeds to take the next 50+ minutes of the movie recovering the ground that Mila traversed in 3 minutes. How does that work??? I know that the intrepid crew is being harassed by magical forces and enemies etc. on the way back, but still...!
2)Apparently the writer/director felt the need to add 'depth' to the film by adding a running debate/Socratic dialog/game of 20 questions between Zor (the mean John Saxon wannabe) and the wise man Akronas (the Richard Harris wannabe). But Joe Damoto apparently got his philosophical training from Hallmark cards, T-Shirts and bumper stickers, and he doesn't understand tempo, pacing, or timing...and neither do the actors. (Crow's remark during one of these exchanges is the tag line for my entry). The scenes with these two drag on and on, bringing the movie to a screeching halt and killing any momentum or excitement generated by the sword-fighting and questing of the heroic trio.
3) Once Ator arrives at the castle (and is captured), things go even farther downhill. Zor decides to feed a bunch of women victims, along with Ator and Mila, to the Serpent God he keeps in his basement. This scene had some potential for excitement, so the director immediately kills this potential by instilling the scene with all the drama of people waiting in line at the DMV to pay their traffic fines. Ator proceeds to have a big battle with the Serpent that is barely more convincing than Bela Lugosi's battle with the rubber octopus puppet in "Bride Of The Monster".
4) The climactic scene, in which Ator invents the hang glider out of twigs and animal skins, is so patently silly that it completely blows the viewer out of the movie and makes you roll on the floor, laughing until your sides hurt.
5) Oh, yes, and the filmmakers decided to include stock footage of an atomic explosion at the end, with the moral that Ator decided to destroy the 'atomic nucleus' McGuffin that drives the movie because mankind was 'not ready'. ("Zzzzip! MESSAGE COMING IN!!!") Just like "Bride Of the Monster" again, come to think of it. All it needed was a bystander to observe, "They tampered in God's domain."
6) For some reason, the version of the movie I saw features introductory and closing homo-erotic credit sequences that have absolutely NOTHING to do with anyone or anything else in the movie. I have no idea where this footage came from, but it is actually WORSE than the actual movie it bookends.
Watch this only if you are a big fan of Miles, or if you enjoy the way MST3K skewers material like this.


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