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Oh, where the hell should I begin? Give a brief summary of the story? No. either you've already heard it, or don't want to. Either way, it sucks. Much like the movie. I happen to be a semi-large horror movie aficionado, and I must say this is one of the dumbest and most clumsily-executed movies I've ever had the displeasure of viewing.
The script is horrendously stupid. The story starts too fast with absolutely no suspense or build-up in the slightest. All of those torture scenes would have been A LOT more effective if we gave even the tiniest bit of crap for the characters. Since the first scene in the film is when the teenage girls meet Capt. Howdy, how the hell are we supposed to sympathize with them? First off, they seem stupid for going to a party with a guy they don't even know, and second, we don't even know their damn names! Why the hell should I care if they live or die? Not to mention the fact that they actually have the guts to try and make us feel sympathetic towards Capt. Howdy after he's been "reformed"? PLEASE! I was cheering when he got his just deserts! He deserved them! Hell, he deserved worse! Also, we're forced to sit through a pointless misdirect sequence lifted directly from "The Silence of the Lambs" (and here it's done HORRIBLY! Of course he's gonna give them a false address! And even if he had given them the real one, don't you think he'd be waiting and not piercing some guy's Johnson upstairs? RETARDED!)
Then there's the dialogue. Everything Captain Howdy says is either laughable or just plain stupid. "The dead are so dreadfully dead, when they're dead"?? What the hell kind of crap is that?! Dee Snider at one point says "knowledge is power". Well, if that's true, this film has absolutely no power whatsoever.
Then, there's the plot holes. Yes, I know this is a horror film (well, wannabe horror film), but damn! You could drive a semi truck into these holes! First off, these have got to be the DUMBEST cops I have EVER SEEN! EVER!! I mean, DEAR GOD, these guys are morons! Call for backup, idiots! Second, how the hell did that humungous septum ring fall out of Captain Howdy's nose?! Evidentially this piercing expert guy says "that's the biggest one I've ever seen", but if it's so damn big, how the hell could it have fallen out so easily? Did Capt. Howdy just LEAVE it at the crime scene because he WANTED to get caught? They sure didn't make it seem like he did. Also, they would NEVER release Capt. Howdy, and I know that for a damn fact. He would be in jail for the rest of his life, and there's no getting around this. Much less let him return to his old house where he killed/tortured everybody. IMPOSSIBLE AND IMPLAUSIBLE.
And now the acting. Dear God did these people suck. Linda Cardellini is the only thing good in this film. She's poised and amazing. Too bad she hardly gets a good chance to act in this piece of crap. Amy Smart shows up for about 10 minutes and then drops out of existence. Even the usually entertaining Robert Englund is underused and ineffective here. Dee Snider plays the crazy guy with no talent whatsoever. I never felt threatened, scared or intimidated. I'd rather have seen Dee Snider in Alexis Arquette's role in "Bride of Chucky". It would have been so much more fun to see this talent-less hack get it by that lovable psycho doll.
Dee Snider just plain sucks. He can't act (one of the least scary villains I have ever seen), he can't write (did he write this damn movie in his sleep?), and he's obviously dumber than freaking Jessica Simpson! This film is just a way for Dee Snider to show off all the weird crap he knows about self-mutilation and modern primitives and blah-blah-blah. Either it's been done before or it just didn't need to be done. I was bored throughout the whole damn thing.
The acting sucks, the music sucks, the script sucks, the pacing sucks, the special FX suck, the directing sucks... basically, this movie sucks. This film tries to be a serious and sophisticated thriller/horror flick and it fails miserably. It doesn't manage to scare, shock, or disturb in any shape, way or form. This is probably one of the least effective and utterly unoriginal films I have ever seen in my entire life. A piece of cinematic garbage captured on celluloid.
"Strangeland" gets a 0 out of 10. Avoid at any and all costs. Not enjoyable in the slightest.


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