Robertson GrantGENERAL DEBATEHon GRANT ROBERTSON (Deputy Prime Minister): I move That the House take note of miscellaneous business.Last night there were two states of emergency declared in Wellington. One was caused by a polar blast and strong waves from the South and thankfully it caused little or no damage to the south coast of Wellington. The other state of emergency was triggered by a northern polar blast specifically one that emerged from the legal offices of Chris Finlayson Esq.For those of us who served in Parliament with Mr Finlayson it was a cheery reminder of his trademark subtlety and diplomacy. Declaring a state of emergency for the National Party is probably not before time but Mr Finlayson made his reasons starkly clear. Reason number one: brand destruction and I quote—I quote from Mr Finlayson—I don't think … ever … in my life [I have seen] brand destruction as devastating as that" and bear in mind Chris Finlayson was around when Bill English took National to 21 percent so he knows a fair bit about a terminal brand. Reason number two: leadership or lack thereof. Quoting Mr Finlayson again "[The National Party] is going through … [the] agonies [it is] because of the failure of the president and the leadership". It's Chris Finlayson's empathy that I've really missed around here. To quote Mr Finlayson: "You're talking to the wrong person if you expect me to express any sympathy for the current plight of the National Party they deserve everything that's come to them." and he told the journalist "Put that in your article: they deserve everything [that] they've got." Now to get to the origins of this empathetic love note from Chris Finlayson we need to take ourselves back to last Tuesday evening. Just on 10 p.m. as Andrew Bayly was pulling his slippers on and putting on his Versace night-robe brewing his extra-strong Milo and getting ready to put his trusted teddy to bed word came through about an emergency caucus meeting. "Good" Mr Bayly thought. "Finally Judith is going to get me an oral question." But alas it was in fact not that. It was the "Night of the Short Plastic Knives". Someone had been mean about Harete Hipango and it was time to find out who was behind it all. Now given that there were approximately 33 likely and frankly quite justified suspects this was going to be a toughie but thankfully for the Leader of the Opposition snitch-in-chief Barbara Kuriger was able to inform on Todd Muller and he was gone. As Claire Trevett described the meeting "There were allegations betrayals acts of revenge and cowards covering their … butts." Such is the loyalty and sense of unity in the National caucus that Chris Bishop Todd Muller's numbers man and well-known shiver looking for a spine to run down was there to kick his mate on the way out the door. We've heard a lot about free speech today but it's clear to me the greatest threat to free speech in New Zealand is the Leader of the Opposition. She has told her caucus not to talk to the media so Simon Bridges hit Instagram about how he was going to keep talking to the media. I can only think of that as a cry for help and so on this side of the House we are ready to take up the cause: free Simon Bridges! Free him. Free Simon Bridges from the Collins cancel culture.To be fair though Simon Bridges is right to be worried. Todd Muller called Harete Hipango a liability. Simon Bridges said that Maureen Pugh was "[rather] useless" and if that isn't National Party hate speech I don't know what is. But then the leader herself should probably be a bit worried. If the standard is "saying things that are mean about your colleagues" Judith Collins is currently holed up in a floor-to-ceiling glass house. As one of her colleagues said on her election as leader "It's a bit rich to be lectured on loyalty by her given how much leaking she did." But then on the other side of the coin she called Bill English a poor leader and Bill English in turn said that she had an unfortunately high estimate of herself so it cuts both ways over there. But as I've said before and I'll say again nothing screams "alternative Government" like late-night caucus meetings resignations scandals disappearing lounge suites and MPs being chased through airports and long may it continue."