Swain Paul: General Debate 
Swain Paul: General Debate 
[Volume:638;Page:8199] 
Hon PAUL SWAIN (Labour—Rimutaka) 
: 
 That member should of course know that wherever there is smoke there is not always fire. That is the point we should take in this debate. 
Hon Member 
: Let’s debate the issue. 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: Let us debate the issue. We will debate the issue. The foray of the “Associate Health Minister” into cigar smoking will be a subject of debate as I go along. 
I want to talk about something that is really really important. That is the new hip cool National Party’s “40 Below” party. This is something that everybody needs to know because the National Party is going to get down and dirty and is going to yo bro with a whole pile of young people led by the person who is now affectionately known throughout Auckland as the “Keyster”. The “Keyster” will be yo bro-ing jive talkin’ and high-fiving. He will have a funky new handshake which he will give to all the new homies who will be at this do. 
So Labour is having a sweepstake on what the “Keyster” will have on his T-shirt. As the “Keyster” walks into the new groovy party with the National Party members what will be on his T-shirt? Here are a few slogans we have suggested. What about “Flip Freddy’s Flop”? That lines up with the flip-flops that the National leader is undergoing. What about “Goldenhouse” to represent that fabulous apartment that the member seems to live in from time to time—although sometimes he lives somewhere else and cannot quite make it out? What about “RMC” not OMC—the Remuera Millionaires Club rather than the Otara Millionaires Club. Of course on the back there could always be P-Money. What about Fur Patrol? This is the sort of thing the coat-check guy does at National Party conferences just to make sure that people are not bringing in anything untoward. Then of course there is all this pretension of “The Holiday-takers”. Remember what members opposite were going to do to 4 weeks’ leave? 
But who is going to be there from the National Party? Who are the new hip funky cool guys the groove guys within the National Party? Well apart from the “Keyster”— 
The ASSISTANT SPEAKER (H V Ross Robertson) 
: I have been listening to the member for a while and I draw his attention to Speakers’ rulings 26/6 and 26/7 which state that members cannot be referred to by a nickname and must be addressed by their full name or title. 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: I absolutely agree Mr Assistant Speaker. I cannot work out why you did not pick me up sooner. Bill English will be there. Remember the calendars he put out? He will be signing calendars but people will have to be quick if they want one because there are only 14 boxes to go! He will be there standing in a corner. Then there is Gerry Brownlee. The thing is that young people will be safe because Gerry Brownlee chucks only old people down the stairs. Simon Power has just had a new haircut. He has shaved off all his hair because he is getting ready to go. Jacqui Dean will be there. She will tell students not to worry about their student loans because National will get rid of them. They can borrow the money from overseas. So she is OK. Jonathan Coleman will be there with the cigars but people should be very very careful and not stand too close to him when he is blowing smoke into their face. If people are there with someone big I suggest that they take the action that was done to him in the box. Lindsay Tisch is going to be there. I do not know whether he will be in three-quarter pants. He could be in three-quarter pants but it could be of course that they are just Simon Power’s shorts. We never know. Of course the one who will be advising on how to really party will be Mark Blumsky—“Party Party Blumsky”. Mark Blumsky will be advising people on how to get home at night and not remember a thing about it. 
We can see that this is going to be a fabulous do. It is going to be a ripper. Do members know what it is called? It is called “Grooving with National into the future”. The word “grooving” kind of reminds one of a few decades ago. 
Darren Hughes 
: The Fonz. 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: The Fonz. It will all be high-fives and “Hey yo bro!” and “How you getting down there man?”. It is all going to be absolutely fantastic. Perhaps the next National speaker will be able to tell us what slogan those members will be wearing on their T-shirts given the fact that we have now suggested a few lines.