Little Andrew: General DebateText is incorporated into the Bound VolumeLittle Andrew: General Debate[Sitting date: 20 May 2015. Volume:705;Page:3460. Text is incorporated into the Bound Volume.]ANDREW LITTLE (Leader of the Opposition): I move That the House take note of miscellaneous business. It has been a somewhat fractious afternoon. We have had pompous “gittery” in bucket loads coming from the other side and we are in eager anticipation of what may be handed down tomorrow. And for good reason too because when you look back at some of the promises pledges and foreshadowing that has come from the Government it is going to be a very interesting day indeed. For example the Prime Minister John Key when he was talking about the proposal for a Government-led building programme to ease the Auckland housing crisis—a proposal that we made some time ago—what did he say? He said: “Oh it’ll either fail miserably deliver dwellings that people don’t want to live in or require massive taxpayer subsidies.” And what are we going to see tomorrow? A Government-led building programme to ease the Auckland housing crisis. So we live in eager anticipation.Then there was this about restrictions on foreign buyers of Auckland houses. What did the Prime Minister say in April last year? He said: “Oh I think that’s a bit of a red herring. It’s not needed.” And what have we seen from the Government? We have seen just that. Then there is this about child poverty. You see we had Anne Tolley the Minister for Social Development saying: “We are working on a comprehensive plan on child poverty.” And in the days and weeks following the electionthe Prime Minister himself said: “Child poverty will be our top priority.” And what do we see now? The Government is back-pedalling rapidly and is backing out of doing anything about child poverty. So we live in eager anticipation—we live in eager anticipation. I might add also what the Prime Minister said just a couple of days ago about children in poverty. He said: “Oh children in poverty don’t have it so bad because they get lots of entitlements that better-off kids don’t get.” This is National’s attitude towards child poverty.I never thought I would say this but I have been inspired in my contribution to today’s general debate by none other than Minister Nick Smith who said yesterday that Christmas is coming for Auckland homebuyers in the Budget. So I have prepared a little contribution to today’s debate and those of you who have grown up with Christmases in New Zealand will know about the great Christmas carol rhyme and so I now offer my rendition. I say this:’Twas the night before Budget when all through the HouseThe National backbenchers were keen for a stoush.The promises were hung during the election with careOf course they would fill them; how could they not? They wouldn’t dare!September 14 was a different time;The backbenchers quite happy—some in their prime.Nestled all snug in their leather armchairsJohn Bill and Steven washed away all their fears.There had been promises of surpluses of poverty relievedOf great fiscal wonders; or so they believed.“They have got us this far” the backbenchers said“What could possibly go wrong? We’re so far ahead!”But Bill English knew he just hid his fearThat all their good words were just plain hot air.It’s great that Mike Hosking and Paul Henry are glowingBut nothing can mask an economy slowing.“We have to do something! We have to be quick!”Said John Key to his Cabinet that had run out of tricks.“Ministers Bennett and Bridges and Tolley—Forget Steven Joyce and his conventional folly.Ministers Woodhouse McCully Crosby and TextorIf there’s one thing that’s clear you’ll all have to do better.I need plans to help Auckland to slow housing pricesTo help feed the kids and fix other vices.Where’s the plan for trains trucks and bikes?My Facebook page’s tanking; I can’t get no likes.And I’m sick of seeing Andy the new man about town;He never gets angry; we can’t bring him down!”Bill English stepped forward in canonical mood:“Just stop there John. I don’t mean to be rude.You may not have noticed but we have a crisisAnd it’s nothing to do with our troops fighting ISIS.Exports are diving dairy is downThere isn’t much happening in any small town.I know I’ve said the problem’s inflationBut there’s something much bigger: John Banks’ compensation.You’ve said don’t touch taxes levies and feesBut how will we pay for this? It don’t grow on trees.”And then the talk came to a stop with a shudder.The Prime Minister knew his heart now aflutter.Up from the back came a great throaty roar;Judith Collins appeared on Parliament’s floor!“I’ve heard all your talk—me and Todd Muller.All you’re known now is as a ponytail puller.Out of the way shove this in your gob;I’m here to take over. It’s my turn in your job.”