Valedictory Statement 
Valedictory Statement 
[Volume:673;Page:19104] 
Valedictory Statement 
Hon JOHN CARTER (Minister of Civil Defence) 
: 
 Here I am giving my valedictory. If I had known it would be this good I would have done it years ago! I must say people have been kind enough to say they are sad to see me going. I am sorry they are sad; I am as happy as all hell. Today I resign as a Minister. On 17 July I will retire as an MP. I have two or three projects to do between now and then in Northland so you will not see a lot of me in this House between now and then. 
I came into this place nearly 24 years ago—8742 days actually when I retire; I have been counting each and every one of them. Since I came into this place 149 MPs have come and gone: 44 have retired; 18 have resigned for various reasons; one has died sadly; one has been expelled; and nearly two-thirds—85 of those MPs—have been defeated. The average tenure is 6.6 years. That is interesting; this job is not as secure as some think. 
When I came here Mr Speaker there were no security staff—we just had messengers—and we shared a secretary. There was a men’s bathroom you will recall down in the basement and Muldoon and Lange were still striding around these corridors. I came in with an amazing group of people—10 including myself then we added one to make the group 11. They have all contributed in their own way to this country and to this Parliament—a Prime Minister a Deputy Prime Minister Ministers and a number of other important roles. Prime Minister here is a question; you may well be able to answer it because you are normally very good at that: how come I got left with Williamson and McCully? 
As usual there have been a few moments. I recall one day when I like some of us in here have done decided to make a contribution to the Child Cancer Foundation by having my hair shaved—it has never grown back actually. I told everybody that I was going to have my head shaved and that it was happening on that particular day. I came back from Dargaville where the event had taken place and the House was sitting. It was about 8 o’clock in the evening. I walked in. I was the senior whip. The House was functioning and there were about 15 or so members in the House. Of course I expected to get some catcalls some ribald comments about bald heads and all sorts of things etc. Not a beep not any recognition nothing at all. I was actually feeling a bit miffed. I thought somebody would have noticed. I sat down in the senior whip’s chair. Gerry Brownlee was sitting there in the junior whip’s chair and we had a discussion about what was going on. Rick Barker was sitting across the other side of the House in his whip’s chair and no one said anything. About 2 or 3 minutes passed by and I looked down at Gerry. There he was tears streaming down his face his body shaking with laughter. I said “What the hell are you laughing at?”. He said “You’ve got more hair on the end of your ears than you have on your head.” I realised at that stage that he and Barker had jacked it up for people not to say anything. 
There was another occasion. It occurred to me one day—certainly the fairer side of this House will not know this—that the men’s toilets are enclosed and if the lights are out it is as dark as all hell in there. I do not know why but my humour—and this is toilet humour folks—got the better of me and I wondered what would happen if I went in one day when there was someone in the cubicle and on the way out I turned the lights out. So I did. I went in there one day there was someone in the cubicle—I had no idea who it was—and I thought that here was an opportunity. So I did my business and out I went and as I went out I switched off the lights. I heard this voice say “Oi!” so I waited around in the corridor to see who I had caught. I waited for 3 or 4 minutes but no one came out. I thought “Well goodness this person’s obviously got a problem but I can’t help them.” So I went into my office and I sat there and about 10 minutes later I went into Gerry’s office to organise something for the House for the day. There was Gerry sitting on the couch with David Farrar. They were having a conversation. I walked in to tell Gerry about very important business that was to occur in the House. He waved me over leant over to me—he obviously did not want David to hear—and said “Would it be all right if I had about an hour off?” I said “What the hell do you want an hour off for?”. He said “I’ve had an accident. I have to buy a new suit.”! I want to put on record that actually that was not true. As it happened I had told him about it at some time and he remembered it and that was how the story went. 
I cannot help but mention the “Hone” affair. This is the real “Hone” from the far north by the way folks. The only thing I want to say in that regard is that it made things rather difficult for me because the Prime Minister who had been waiting 10 years to meet the President of the United States happened to be in the United States meeting the President at the time the “Hone” affair occurred. I think otherwise I might have got away with just a good boot in the proverbial. Unfortunately what happened was the Prime Minister who had had his photo taken shaking hands with the President appeared on page 8 of the  
New York Times 
 and 
I appeared on page 1. It seriously pissed him off I can tell you. 
I cannot go without mentioning something else I did. I did not know what it was until Eric Roy told me. It was called a spoonerism. There I was— 
Hon Member 
: Just really concentrate. 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: Yes I have to concentrate on this folks. I had been away and I walked into the House. I was senior whip and for some reason we had to keep the debate going. We were in Government so God knows why we had to keep the debate going but we did. I think it was because the next Minister to speak was not here or something so I had to take the call. I had no idea what the hell we were talking about but that is not unusual for me. Anyway there we were. So I got stuck into the Labour Party in Opposition and talked about all the cunning things those members were doing. I said we were not going to put up with these cunning things and we would not have cunning stunts like this happening. It went on and on. I kept saying it and I know that Gerry who was sitting there was waiting for me to bugger it up and so was everyone else funnily enough even people in the gallery. I carried on about cunning stunts until I slipped up. Eric Roy was in the chair. He fell over in collapse. Ailsa Salt who was a dear dear lady and a very prim and proper lady just about fell out of her chair. Gerry Brownlee collapsed in his seat. Trevor Mallard who was sitting on the other side got redder and redder and sort of fell back; I saw tears flooding down. Annette King who was sitting there said “I resemble that remark.” and slid under the chair. The worst part was that I had to keep talking while the whole place around me was bloody hosing themselves laughing. But we got through it. The thing that disappointed me was that I had thought I would be the first person ever to have that word recorded in  
Hansard 
—the Speaker could not pull me up because he was laughing—but when I got it I saw it had been written as “cunning tricks”. 
I raise that story for a reason. There is a serious issue that we all need to consider and it is this: we need to have humour. We need to be serious. Obviously we need to debate issues—this place is important to the country—but we also need to be able to share humour. I have to say that I am more and more concerned—indeed I am pleased I am retiring—that the scrutiny we are coming under particularly from the media who are trying to sanitise us and turn us into saints is ridiculous. We need to have members who are real who can laugh at themselves share things about themselves and be real people. If we do not how else can we represent the people in this country who are real? I ask the people who are prone to criticise us to let us have some space and let us be real people. Occasionally we will make mistakes but let us be real because that is what New Zealand is. 
While I am on the point I want to take this opportunity to table a paper about my superannuation. This is a serious issue for this Parliament. I will tell members why. So often we read about our gold-plated taxpayer-funded superannuation. I am going to table a paper that shows that out of the salary package I have received over the 24 years each year—the same as other members do—I contributed after tax $33000 plus for the first 20 years and then it reduced down to $29000. The fact is that at a modest interest rate of 5 percent accumulated my contributions now total the sum of $1.5 million. I have contributed that amount out of my after-tax salary package. I have contributed that amount not the taxpayer. I have contributed it. The consequence is that if that sum was now put in an investment earning 5 percent it would earn in excess of $75000 a year which is more than the fund will pay me out. It is not taxpayer funded at all; it is out of my money. 
I raise a point of order Mr Speaker. I am sorry to interrupt the member on his feet but I seek leave to table a paper on my superannuation fund. 
Mr SPEAKER 
: Leave is sought for that course of action. Is there an objection? 
Hon Members 
: What’s the source? 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: Out of my bloody pocket. 
Mr SPEAKER 
: I believe that the source is the Hon John Carter. Is there any objection to that document being tabled? There is no objection. 
Document by leave laid on the Table of the House. 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: I will now turn to those things that I want to focus on. I am proud of my career. I have had a wonderful career. As has been mentioned I was one of the longest-serving whips. I have been proud to be a Minister. It has been a real honour. In that regard I want to address my portfolios. 
I will start with racing which has been seriously frustrating to say the least. I just want to say that the people in the racing fraternity are a wonderful group of people but sadly until they realise that the changes that need to be made to the racing industry have to come from within it will not succeed. We need to get more focus from within. Craig I say to you good luck my friend. Every racing Minister—with one exception—has not been well liked. I also thank Michael Stiassny who has done the best job he can in trying circumstances to get the changes that are needed. But if the racing industry does not change in my view it is doomed. 
I also want to comment on local government. I am particularly proud of the part I played in the Auckland reforms. We made an amazing change working with the likes of Mark Ford and Brendan Boyle and so many others from the Department of Internal Affairs and local government offices. What a wonderful team we had. But in particular I commend Rodney Hide for the leadership he gave and for the way in which he brought together that team to put together the Auckland reforms which are now such a success. I know there may be one or two who do not agree but in the main it was an outstanding achievement. Rodney thank you for your friendship and thank you for your leadership. It is a real credit to you and to those who were able to work with you in that role. Thank you very much. 
The role that gave me the most pleasure was the senior citizens portfolio. It was a wonderful portfolio to have. We made some changes to the way in which we deliver services. The satisfaction ratings from both clients and staff soared right through the roof. The  
Business of Ageing 
 report we delivered is such an important paper for this nation. If people have not taken the opportunity to read it I commend it to them. The paper is one that this Parliament and this nation need to be discussing. The recent announcement I made concerning the transfer of the SuperGold Card which can now be used in Australia is something I am very proud of. I say to Peter Hughes Sue Natalie the Volunteer Community Co-ordinators and all those people who have been involved thank you so much. Peter you are a wonderful wonderful person and thank you for the leadership you gave. To all the support people who have been with me in that regard thank you so much. 
Finally there was the civil defence portfolio. I have to say that of all the portfolios it became rather challenging given that I was told by John Hamilton when I started that the portfolio would not take too much time and that I would not have to put too much focus on it. I must say that is the only thing he told me that was incorrect. I must say that I am so proud of our civil defence structure in this nation. Recently I was in Geneva at the United Nations conference on civil defence. The way in which New Zealand was regarded is a real credit to us. We can be so proud of our structure. John I thank you and your team. You are an outstanding New Zealander. Thank you for all the people and the help you have given me. 
I am proud to be part of the Parliamentary Rugby Team and the sports club. Of course I want— 
Hon Member 
: Still? 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: Absolutely “still”. I am only 61; I am a young bloke in that team I can tell you. Of course we are the world cup holders and I am proud of that too. The All Blacks could take a leaf out of our book actually. I want to say to Tony O’Brien and others thanks for all your support. 
To the National Party—and I see that Peter and the board are here today—thank you for all the support that you have given me over the many many years. It has been a real privilege to have worked with the board in the capacities I have. At this time I want to remember Judy Kirk and the difficulties she is going through at the moment. I commend her to this House. 
I want to say in that regard that I am writing to the  
Guinness Book of Records 
. We were told to capture emails and I am going to ask them to record that I have the longest continuous email ever in the world. It started in November 2006. It has been delivered to I do not know how many thousand email addresses. Francis Till thank you for all the help you have given me in that regard. Can I also say that I am proud that the Northland electorate has won the National Party membership cup ever since its inception. I say this to my National Party colleagues here: if you think it is going to be yours from now on forget it; I am going to win it from the Cook Islands. 
Rt Hon John Key 
: They all live in the Cook Islands. 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: Indeed. A lot of them do come from the Cook Islands—that is true. I should also say Prime Minister that a bloody good number come from your electorate as well. 
Hon Trevor Mallard 
: They know quality. 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: We are not fussy in the north. 
I am proud to have been the longest-serving member of Parliament for the Northland electorate. Mr Speaker I am conscious of the fact that you have served in this Parliament longer than I have but as far as the electorate goes I have been the longest-serving member. One of the things I am proud of is that with the exception of 1993 with every election the majority has increased. I am really proud of that fact. It is something I am very proud of. 
I want to say thanks to a number of people. There are so many people to thank. Thanks everybody. Thanks everybody in this complex. What a wonderful place to be. But I want to thank three guys in particular who have been special to me in my 24 years within this complex and they are Rob Eaddy Paul Plummer and Wayne Eagleson. I thank the three of you so much for your support. There are many others who have been part of that team but it has been great to have you guys—and the jokes will not stop by the way folks. 
I also thank the electorate staff I have had over the many years: Shirley Ford Andy and Wendy Duggan Carole and Terry Oakley Robyn and latterly Deirdre. Thank you Deirdre. She is here today supported by Pat and Joy. I have been so fortunate to have staff like that. 
As for my parliamentary staff over the many years there have been too many to record but in regard to the last 3 years I want to thank Rebecca particularly and Felicity who are here with us today. Thank you so much. Also Josie Marika Mere Michelle Tony and Josh—what a wonderful team. I have been so lucky to have people like that. Of course I cannot let this speech pass without mentioning Jan Miller who was a lovely lady and who sadly passed away. It is lovely to see you here Warwick. Thank you for being here tonight. 
Maurice Williamson have you taken my last page? No. It is the sort of blimmin thing he would do. 
I also thank my Northland team. So many of you have come down from the north tonight to be here. I say to Sally the longest-serving electorate chairman in New Zealand thank you so much. To Neil and all the team who are here—there are too many to comment on and to mention—I say thanks for your support. It has been a wonderful team. In the many years nearly 20 years since Sally has been chair with Neil Grant Peter and Mark—it just goes on and on and on—we have never had an angry word. We have had an amazing structure in Northland and it is reflected in the majorities we have had. 
This is a funny job. Often you do not keep your friends when you come in here. I want to say to Bryce and Nigel Peter Jackson and Peter Carey thanks for being there for me. 
I thank my family who have come down and who are here tonight. I thank my children if I can remember who they are. Clinton and Aaron are here and Bridget and Kali and their respective spouses Carolyn Debbie and Steven. Thank you all for being here tonight. Of course I also acknowledge my grandchildren. I also acknowledge my mum. George my mum is up there; you will have to meet her later on—Mum Carter. Thank you mum for being here. It is lovely you are here. Funnily enough you have been with me all my life. I know that has pissed her off at times I can tell you. And my siblings have been there in one form or another. My brother Peter and his wife Jan are here and my other siblings are listening. Thank you for all your support. 
To my darling wife Leoni thanks love. We are looking forward to the Cooks. So here we go off to our next venture. The Cook Islands! I can hear the breeze blowing in the leaves of the palm trees as we speak. I was going to tell a little story but I will not because time is running out. 
Hon Members 
: Oh please! 
Hon JOHN CARTER 
: No seriously I will not; I will tell you it another time. I say to the Prime Minister and the National Party team thank you for having me and all the very best to all of you for the election. I hope it works out well. 
I will finish with this little ditty that someone sent to me. I thought it was worth reading it out and it goes like this: 
He walks his head beneath the clouds 
He strides across the North 
He helps the people far and wide 
He is the people’s man. 
Goodbye. 
Sitting suspended from 6.08 p.m. to 7.30 p.m.