Ball DarrochDARROCH BALL (NZ First): I've got to tell you I'm excited. We've got an old-fashioned whodunit. We've got an old-fashioned whodunit: Limogate". [Holds up picture of limousine] That was dubbed by TV3 but I don't want to perform copyright. We've got a whodunit and what I saw on the New Zealand Herald today was "Expenses-leak probe deepens". The first paragraph actually involved you Mr Speaker: "Parliament's Speaker Trevor Mallard will consider whether a further forensic examination is needed". Well go no further sir; we have completed just that forensic investigation and we have got a list of suspects.Before I go into that list of suspects a little advice for Mr Bridges [Holds up picture of Hyundai]: Hyundai Accent. Three months every single day: $3000. Not $85000 that he cost the taxpayer. There's a little bit of a saving there but we don't want the Opposition leader to go around in a four-star safety-rated vehicle. Let's even go for the big car. Let's go for the luxury vehicle. Let's go for the fancy Holden [Holds up picture of Holden]—three months every single day: $13000. The most expensive: $13000. Why did the National Party leader take a limo and think that he could be driven around the country costing the taxpayer $85000? That's because he thinks that he should he thinks that he can and so he did. He had no concept of what mahi actually meant and he's got no concept of what the taxpayer was putting into him.We've narrowed down the suspects. We've got a forensic investigation. Look no further [Holds up picture of National Party caucus]: the entire National Party caucus. But we narrowed it down a little bit. The first suspect [Holds up picture of Maureen Pugh]: Maureen Pugh. Who is Maureen Pugh I hear you ask? Exactly—perhaps it was the perfect crime. Suspect number two—now this suspect was [Holds up picture of the Rt Hon Sir John Key] Sir John Key. But despite that where he was the first primary suspect he had quite a strong alibi and he was working very hard—despite the confidence surveys and what the National Party says—making record profits with ANZ. The second suspect [Holds up picture of the Hon Steven Joyce]: Steven Joyce. Apparently he's still sour about the leadership race but he also had a solid alibi: knocking on every door of every single New Zealand economist in the country still wanting to find someone who will agree with him about the $11.7 billion fiscal hole.The third one [Holds up picture of the Rt Hon Bill English]: Bill English—the Rt Hon Bill English—for no other reason but just by association with the other two. Alibi: he was last seen doing some famous walk-runs. But now we're getting a bit serious [Holds up picture of the Hon Judith Collins]: Judith Collins. Surely not—surely not Judith Collins. No we'll keep going. Now here we're talking [Holds up picture of David Seymour]: David Seymour—David "I don't know what my policies are" Seymour; David "I spend my entire life attacking New Zealand First and Winston Peters and end up stealing their policies anyway" Seymour. But look what we found—this is probably the most promising. It's not the first and primary suspect but it's one of the most promising [Holds up picture of the Hon Mark Mitchell]: Mark Mitchell. You know and we saw this logo too—the new leader of the New Conservative Party apparently. The knives are out.But here's what we've come to a conclusion with: the number one prime suspect. It's a little bit outside the box but we found out who did it. We found out who leaked Simon Bridges' expenses [Holds up picture of the Hon Simon Bridges]: it was Simon Bridges himself. You see it actually makes sense in the end because he's in single digits with his popularity. It's a false-flag operation—a false-flag operation. On this side of the House we've got the popcorn out; on that side of the House they've got the knives out. We're looking forward not only to the rest of this year but I think it's going to happen even sooner than that."