Swain Paul: General Debate 
Swain Paul: General Debate 
[Volume:630;Page:2505] 
Hon PAUL SWAIN (Labour—Rimutaka) 
: 
 Of course 1 April was a great day for New Zealand and New Zealanders as many of my colleagues have outlined. But I want to return to a theme I talked about a couple of weeks ago which is perhaps the main thing on the National Party’s mind: the National Party hack handicap for the leadership race. Before I do that though I think it is important to ask a question. What I really want to know is how much political correctness “The Eradicator” has eradicated since he became “The Eradicator”. So I asked some questions. Is it 50 PC things or 40 or 10 or is it maybe five? I have learnt that it is zero PC things—absolutely zero zip not a sausage. Not one PC thing has been eradicated by the PC eradicator. He came in with great hope but none have been eradicated at all. So I think the PC eradicator should do us all a favour and eradicate the PC eradicator because clearly he is a waste of space. 
I want to go back to my main theme which is the National Party hack handicap. I reported on that race a couple of weeks ago and talked about the TAB odds being placed on each horse. To recap on some of the horses there is “Bold ‘n’ Brash” out of the Reserve Bank stable “Gerry Can” out of the St Bede’s College stable “Key to the Door” which is from the only State house stable that is in this race “The English Patient” which is a horse all the way from Winton “Wind Power” from Rangitikei “Punch and Judy” from the New Zealand Law Society and “That’s Rich”— 
Gerry Brownlee 
: I raise a point of order Madam Speaker. You may recall that earlier in the afternoon I was required by you to alter my speech considerably because of the way I was referring to members. I accept this is perhaps the one moment of creativity that Mr Swain has displayed in his entire parliamentary career but I think you should be consistent and ask him to refer to members by their proper name. 
The ASSISTANT SPEAKER (Ann Hartley) 
: The member is quite right. The member on his feet must refer to members of Parliament by their correct names. 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: Let us look at the odds for these horses. Don Brash last time I reported was at about $1.40 but I have to report to the House that he has slipped back to $1.50. He has been invisible and had no impact; that is why he has gone down from $1.40 to $1.50. 
Hon Annette King 
: Where is Don Brash? 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: That is the question everybody asks. Then linked into that is Mr Key. He was at $1.50 last time and there has been no change because he has been a bit quiet—a bit below the radar. We now have a head-to-head race between Don Brash and John Key. They are paying $1.50 each. 
Then of course we have Gerry Brownlee. I reported last time he was at $8 for the win but he has slipped right back to $9 for the win because he has been absolutely invisible trying to make fuss and nonsense out of nothing. The point is that there is no place bet on Mr Gerry Brownlee. 
Gerry Brownlee 
: I raise a point of order Madam Speaker. I notice that Mr Swain referred to me as being invisible and I want to thank him! 
The ASSISTANT SPEAKER (Ann Hartley) 
: The member knows that is not a point of order. 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: Gerry Brownlee has gone down to $9 and the point is that there is no place bet on that member. When the final reshuffle happens he will be nowhere to be seen. So there is no place bet on Gerry Brownlee. He has slipped from $8 to $9 and I suspect the punters will not keep with him for much longer. 
Then we have Bill English. He started out at $2 last time but has slipped to $2.20. He has been making a fool of himself on issues like the National Certificate of Educational Achievement and student loans so most people realise that he will not prove to be a good bet in the end. Then we have Simon Power. He started out at $3.50 and there is no change to that because he also is under the radar. 
We have only two place bets at the moment. Judith Collins started out at $5 but is not likely to get there in the end because she is not really liked by the other jockeys. So there will be some pressure on her. I think a good place bet for those who are following the race is a $3 place bet on Katherine Rich. She is from a younger stable she is brighter and she actually prefers a clean race. Have members noticed that? She is not like the other person in the race who prefers a bit more of a dirty race. This is a clean race and I think the punters will take over. 
Darren Hughes 
: John has worked it out. 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: Yes John Key has worked it out. He is known to be very canny. He is hanging in behind there just waiting. 
The point is that since I reported on this matter to the House a few weeks ago there has been a bit of change. Now we have a dead heat between Don Brash at $1.50 and John Key at $1.50. I think everybody is now looking to see what will be happening to the money—and the good money— 
Darren Hughes 
: What about Nick Smith? 
Hon PAUL SWAIN 
: Nick Smith is in the knacker’s yard. He is heading for the dog’s meat factory. He is not even being considered. I think some of the good money that was on Simon Power will probably start to shift shortly. I think people have realised that Gerry Brownlee is really out of the race too although a few punters are still hanging on. He is not a bad performer in the House so he is still hanging on a bit. But I think the money will shift and go on to one of the other two contenders. I think this will be a two-horse race and I look forward to seeing it.