Swain Paul: Imprest Supply Debate 
Swain Paul: Imprest Supply Debate 
[Volume:628;Page:458] 
PAUL SWAIN (Labour—Rimutaka) 
: 
 I am pleased to speak in this debate and to follow Brian Connell. I thought that he gave a very calm politic speech. Was that the same Brian Connell I heard just a few weeks ago on National Radio saying: “Don happy to meet you but down in my area.”? Yes I think it was the same Brian Connell because he is laughing over there. 
Darren Hughes 
: That joker has got more hair! 
PAUL SWAIN 
: He possibly has. This is the same Brian Connell who a few weeks ago was very gung-ho about his own abilities and the fact he had been passed over. He said that Don Brash did not deserve the leadership. At that time he said that he was happy to talk about it but that Don Brash had to go down and talk to him in his own electorate. That was a slightly different Brian Connell from the statesmanlike Brian Connell we heard from tonight. 
Darren Hughes 
: He’s been made over. 
PAUL SWAIN 
: He has been made over. The hair is looking good. 
Darren Hughes 
: He’s windswept. 
PAUL SWAIN 
: He is looking windswept but he has also had a political makeover. However I think the problem is that the speech has come too late. We know in this job that people have very very long memories. In a few years’ time they will not be pulling out the statesmanlike speech made by Brian Connell in which he congratulated everybody. I was almost waiting to hear congratulations to his leader on a fine campaign. But I do not think the speech that he has just given will be one that is pulled out in the future; I think the people with long memories will be pulling out the speeches made about a month ago. They will have a look at the transcripts. I actually heard Mr Connell on the radio on the afternoon show. He was very gung-ho then but is very much different now. I wish the member well. He was prepared to say what he thought and good on him for doing that but the problem is that the people in the National Party leadership have very very long memories. 
The imprest supply is what we are supposed to be talking about. It is the spending that goes on until the middle of the year. One of the things we ask ourselves is what would be happening if by some absolutely appalling tragic circumstance that other crowd opposite were sitting on this side of the House. There is not much chance of that for a very very long time thank goodness. I think that for probably the next 6 years that party will be absorbed in sorting out who will lead it. I have already talked about that so I will not dwell on it. 
But one of the things I thought that party would be doing now is allocating money for PC eradication. We know about the PC eradicator Wayne Mapp. The idea might have had some chance of flying a little bit if it had not been given to Wayne Mapp. The problem with Wayne Mapp is that he is an earnest fellow and the vast majority of people cannot understand whether the National Party is really trying to make a joke of it all or really being serious. One of the things that Wayne Mapp will be known for when he leaves this place is being earnest. That is the best thing one could say about Wayne Mapp. He kind of reminds me of Don Quixote—how one pronounces it depends on which university one went to but “Don-key-o-tee” is probably a little bit more relevant if members will excuse the pun. There is “Don Quixote” on his little donkey—the little donkey is a bit skinny and absolutely groaning under the weight—with his lance poking at a whole lot of institutions and trying to eradicate PC. Of course we have had trouble trying to get some definition out of “Don Quixote” the PC eradicator about what exactly political correctness is and therefore what will be eradicated. 
I ask the National Party having set up “Don Quixote” the PC eradicator how much PC has been eradicated up until this moment. 
Hon Tau Henare 
: All of it! 
PAUL SWAIN 
: No not one thing. The problem is that as fast as “Don Quixote” can get rid of PC it gets added to by the maiden speeches of the back-bench National members of Parliament. I have not heard so many “kia oras” spoken since I was last on a marae. We now have the National Party and “Don Quixote” the PC eradicator wanting to get rid of all this PC nonsense and we have all the National back-bench MPs who are indicating warmth and feeling for a whole lot of issues that the PC eradicator will try to get hold of. I did not hear much about one law for all or the Orewa speech. 
Hon David Benson-Pope 
: Lots of kia ora. 
PAUL SWAIN 
: Yes there was lots of kia ora. If I were Wayne Mapp the “Don Quixote” PC eradicator I would be going with my little donkey and my lance into my own National Party caucus first. There is a lot to be done there. 
Darren Hughes 
: The only one not doing it is Brian Connell. 
PAUL SWAIN 
: Yes that is true. I actually think Brian Connell should have been the PC eradicator. That might have had a bit more credibility. Dear old Wayne Mapp said he did not know that he was going to get the job but that was the big grand-plan strategy. Did he get anything else? Is he a spokesperson for anything else? 
Hon Chris Carter 
: No. 
PAUL SWAIN 
: He is the spokesperson for PC eradication. Will it be on his business card—“Wayne Mapp PC Eradicator”? I think he should have a little cartoon on it of him sitting on his donkey and going after PC. On this side of the House we will be watching him with great interest. Each week we will ask how much PC Wayne Mapp—“Don Quixote”—has eradicated. I think the first thing to do would be to define what is meant by it and secondly to work out what people in the National Party are saying. We will be measuring it. Every week we will be asking what he means and what he has done. 
Of course that was not the only post-election irony. One of the things we heard from the National Party during the election campaign— 
Brian Connell 
: Talk about the bill. 
PAUL SWAIN 
: I am going to talk about the bill. The notes are not particularly large so we need to embellish a little. 
One of the things we heard during the election campaign was how the National Party was going to do a thing in economics that was quite miraculous. [ 
Interruption 
] Oh no Madam Deputy I must have more time than that. I would like to seek an extension of time at the end because I am only just winding into my speech. National said that it would cut taxes and spend more. That is called voodoo economics. We had two campaigns going on. The leader of the National Party Don Brash went on television saying that National was going to cut taxes and slash spending. But in every electorate around the country every local National Party candidate was saying that we need to spend more on roads and on health that we need to do more for the local schools that we should lock people up for longer and that we need to build more prisons. Those were the kinds of things being talked about throughout the election—[ 
Interruption 
]—and they were saying “kia ora” at the same time even though they are not PC as we are being told. 
We heard so much during the election campaign about what the National Party was going to do. One person actually said that it was not going to spend more at all really; it was just going to borrow a bit and spend a bit. The leader of the National Party would absolutely turn in his grave if he could have heard what some of the candidates were saying out in their electorates in absolute dire opposition to each other. The problem is that they are lions out in their own electorates and lambs in this House. They promise anything out in the electorate then come into this House and talk about tax cuts. That is the problem with the National Party: it is not credible. That is why it did not win—because it is not credible—and its credibility sinks to the absolute limit with the ”Don Quixote” PC eradicator who is on a mission to try and get rid of everything PC. To date he has not done a single solitary thing.