Key John: Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3) — In Committee 
Key John: Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3) — In Committee 
[Volume:609;Page:6843] 
JOHN KEY (NZ National—Helensville) 
: I am delighted to take part in the title debate of the Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3) which is as members know a bill that refers primarily to pyramid schemes. I am not surprised the Labour Government has introduced this bill because it knows lots about pyramids—people being at the top and everybody else flows down. It knows a lot about those schemes. I am not surprised that the Labour Government has introduced this legislation. 
Hon Rick Barker 
: “John Pharaoh Key”. 
JOHN KEY 
: Let us face it: I certainly like riding around on camels and humps deserts and things like that. I do not mind hot weather. 
 I have never actually been to Egypt though I might add. I have been to a number of other countries but I have never single-handedly seen the pyramids and I would like to go. 
It is not too late to change the title of this bill. Labour members could get the caucus in there have a little chinwag about it and come out and say that this title is not the right one. The title “Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3)” is far too vague. Do members of the New Zealand public up and down the country know what the Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3) is? Do they even know what the No. 1 bill or the No. 2 bill is? No they do not. Government members looking at me at the moment are terribly confused about the title. They are saying to me: “Thank goodness that National member is on his feet with some sound suggestions.” 
The Minister for Small Business could well put this on his website while he is out there slashing costs for small businesses—despite the fact that the other 19 members of Cabinet are increasing compliance costs. It is like Team New Zealand bailing water out of the boat—it did not matter. There he is trying to chuck off a few compliance costs. He has the bucket and he is pouring the water out but it did not do Team New Zealand any good—it nearly sank—and it will not do any good for small-business costs in New Zealand. 
Hon Judith Tizard 
: What about the title? 
JOHN KEY 
: But we are not here to talk about the costs that are drowning New Zealand’s small businesses. We are not here to talk about the failure of the website that the Minister for Small Business has. He is embarrassed by it but we are not here to talk about that. We are here to talk about the title which is the “Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3)” and why the bill is so shamefully titled. What a disgrace this title is! I am on my feet and at no charge I will come up with a far better title. I would not be surprised if during the dinner break—or even before—all 120 members of this House come down here and argue vigorously in support of my new title. 
So what is my new title going to be? It is like the Oscars is it not? They rip open the envelope and read out the title—but they do not want to say it upfront and straight away because no one is there for the punchline. One has to get suspense going and say: “What is the title?” 
Pansy Wong 
: What is the title? 
JOHN KEY 
: That is a very good question. It is the “Stop Pyramid Selling in New Zealand Bill”. There is no point in being ambiguous or beating about the bush. The Minister for Small Business does not beat about the bush on his website. He says: “These are ways to cut compliance costs in New Zealand” even if his colleagues are adding compliance costs. It does not matter—he is not ambiguous in what he is says and we should not be ambiguous with this legislation. 
The Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3) which in large part covers the closing down of pyramid schemes in New Zealand should be up in lights so that when people are considering ripping off harmless and law-abiding New Zealanders with despicable pyramid-selling schemes they should be able to flick through the website. Using their Yahoo search engine with “l” for legislation and “p” for pyramid they would come straight up with my wonderful title the “No Pyramid Selling Schemes Bill” or the “Anti-Pyramid Selling Schemes Bill” or the “Stop Pyramid Selling in New Zealand Bill”. I think that last one was the one I thought of but I have so many good ideas that I should not be restricted to one. 
If people read the title “Stop Pyramid Selling in New Zealand Bill” they would see that yes it is illegal in New Zealand. They would see that the Labour Government had finally done something of use and stopped pyramid-selling schemes. With a great deal of relief people would say: “I will not go out there and rip off poor New Zealanders.” They would understand that but will they ever find out with a title like the “Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3)”? No of course not. They will go to the No. 1 bill and that will put them to sleep. When they wake up they will have a look at No. 2 and that will be a huge yawn. Then they will finally come to the No. 3 bill—the Fair Trading Amendment Bill (No 3).