Swain Paul: Valedictory Statements 
Swain Paul: Valedictory Statements 
[Volume:650;Page:19176] 
Hon PAUL SWAIN (Labour—Rimutaka) 
: 
 A tihei mauri ora. E te Whare e tu nei tena koe. Te ropu nei tena koe. Nga mate Brian Donnelly e hoa haere haere haere ki te wa kainga. Apiti hono tatai hono ko te hunga mate ki a ratou tatou te hunga ora ki a tatou no reira tena koutou tena koutou kia ora ano tatou katoa. 
[ 
Behold the sneeze of life. To the House standing before me greetings to you. To this gathering greetings to you. To the dead in particular to you Brian Donnelly the friend farewell farewell and depart to the homeland. Hail the bonds that bind the dead to the dead and us the living to each other; so greetings to you greetings to you and greetings once again to all of us 
].  
Eighteen years ago—last century in fact—I walked through the Noes lobby with my good friend Steve Maharey at the start of the new parliamentary term. We had just come from a caucus that had been decimated by Rogernomics. Mike Moore the then leader had advised us that the TV cameras were coming to film the caucus and that we were to lounge across empty seats to make ourselves look bigger. That night on TV we looked a small slovenly and bedraggled lot. 
I recall that John Banks was particularly cock-a-hoop at National’s victory. “Banksie” delighted in deliberately getting people’s names wrong. I was “Paul Swain from Eastern Hutt” and Steve was “Maharey from Palmerston North”. “Banksie” sneeringly referred to us collectively as “Swan from Manawatu”. Many years later as the Minister of Transport I received advice from John who was then the Mayor of Auckland. After learning that the Government was negotiating with the Green Party on transport “Banksie” reminded me of his Auckland saying: “Dreadlocks mean gridlocks.” 
I have reread my maiden speech a pastime for retiring MPs. It is a brilliant visionary piece of work and I cannot understand why it is not compulsory reading for all stage I political students. 
My first electorate case involved a constituent’s son who had been thrown into a dark British dungeon for strangling a goose in Hyde Park. With the help of Don McKinnon the Minister of Foreign Affairs I managed to arrange for the distraught mother to talk to her incarcerated son. That episode taught me two things: first do not strangle geese in Hyde Park and second although we have our rows and differences in this place—and I have loved every minute of them—Parliament does work together on occasions for the common good. 
It has been a great privilege and honour to represent the people of Eastern Hutt from 1990 to 1996 and Rimutaka from 1996 until now. I have been involved in many great local issues and I have worked with many great people. I particularly pay a tribute to the unsung heroes in our community the members of local organisations such as service groups sports clubs churches school boards and the like whose work is the heart and soul of any local community. I salute them for that work. I hope that Chris Hipkins the Labour candidate for Rimutaka is given the opportunity to continue the work that I have enjoyed so much. 
During our 9 long years in Opposition we developed our plans for what we would do in Government. The Labour-led Government won in 1999 and we hit the ground running. I was privileged to be elected to Cabinet. I had often seen old photos of serious-looking men half-turned to the camera in the Cabinet room and I am proud that I am now in a photo like that. 
My achievements and successes as a member of Parliament and a Minister are far too many to detail here. Suffice it to say they will be fulsomely described in my CV. However I did have an auspicious start to many of my portfolios. I had been the Minister for Information Technology for only a week or so responsible for the Y2K issue when I became seriously ill and ended up in Hutt Hospital attached to every computerised machine the staff could lay their hands on. At 2 minutes to midnight on New Year’s Eve I hazily remembered an officials’ report saying that Y2K should not be a problem with computers in the public sector generally but that there were major concerns about hospitals. As the clock struck 12 I braced myself to meet my maker. At 1 minute past 12 finding myself still alive I congratulated myself on a job thoroughly well done. 
I had been the Minister of Transport for only a couple of weeks when bits of Air New Zealand planes fell off and landed in South Auckland. I was disturbed to hear from an official that the bits were probably not important anyway. 
I had been the Minister of Corrections for only a short time when I was advised that two skinny inmates had escaped from a Department of Corrections bus on the way to Rimutaka Prison. The fact that they had escaped in my electorate and not Trevor Mallard’s electorate of Hutt South was infuriating. I asked how much the retrofitted bus had cost to keep the prisoners locked inside. “Around $350000.” I was told. I mused that it would be cheaper for the department to lease ordinary Stagecoach buses so that when prisoners wanted to exit they could pull the cord like everyone else. That was early on in my reign as Minister of Corrections when I still had a sense of humour. 
My most heroic comment came early on as the Minister of Commerce. When asked by a reporter whether I agreed that the New Zealand sharemarket was the Wild West I replied: “Yes but the sheriff’s coming to town.” 
The most influential thing I did as a Minister was as the Minister of Immigration. As a result of a “misunderstanding” with a reporter a  
New Zealand Herald 
 headline screamed “Government lifts migrant target to 50000” which saw Fletcher Building shares rise on that day. I was extremely grateful to receive a phone call from the Prime Minister on that morning offering me advice guidance and detailed information on the Government’s immigration programme. 
Notwithstanding that I feel privileged to have been part of the Labour team which has made a difference to the lives of ordinary people. I am pleased that the unfettered free-market ideology and its scant regard for social dislocation has been buried hopefully forever. It is ironic that the high priests of that religion who have preached deregulation and minimalist Government for years are strangely silent now as their cronies in the United States are bailed out from their greed incompetence and dishonesty by hard-working ordinary taxpayers. 
I am pleased that we in New Zealand have adopted a modern approach to economic management that sees the Government working in partnership with various sectors organisations groups and individuals to improve the potential of our nation. We New Zealanders have a much stronger sense of pride in who we are now which has been helped by success in film design science music and sport and under the leadership of Prime Minister Helen Clark New Zealand has become a strong independent nation that shows leadership on issues such as war poverty and climate change. Most important however I am proud to have been part of the Labour team that has made sure that the rising tide would lift all boats—that improved national wealth would be shared by the many not just the few. 
We have done well here but of course there is always more to do. A key issue I would like Parliament to become more engaged in is the work being led by Business New Zealand and the New Zealand Council of Trade Unions on improving workplace productivity. I was involved in this work as the Minister of Labour and it seems that much of the focus on monetary policy interest rates exchange rates and the like could be reduced if productivity improvement had a more important place on the economic agenda. 
I have been party to many important changes over the years with the most significant being the introduction of MMP in 1996. I supported a change to a more proportional system of Government and when I look around the Chamber I am pleased that we are starting to better reflect the wider community that we are supposed to represent. Although the decision-making process is slower on some things—often frustratingly so for a Minister—it is important to remember that that is what the public wanted: more considered decision-making. The coalition and support party arrangements have matured significantly over the years and the fact that this Government has honoured the 3-year contract with the people is a tribute to all the parties involved. 
There have been many hilarious moments in and around this place far too many to mention and I will try to mention just a few. The best comment from a constituent came from a person in John Carter’s Northland electorate. We were playing for the Parliamentary Rugby Team in a paddock in Awanui north of Kaitaia raising money for school cricket. The ball was thrown in on our 22. Chris Laidlaw passed it to John Carter the local MP who shaped to kick. “Don’t kick it Carter!” shrieked Chris sensing danger. John kicked it came off the side of his boot and it landed in the outstretched arms of the opposing man-mountain of a centre. With three of us hanging off him like leaves in the breeze the centre crashed over for a try under the sticks. “I told you not to kick it Carter!” moaned Laidlaw. “Don’t worry.” came a voice from an elderly constituent on the sideline “He doesn’t listen to us either.” Duncan Garner got his nickname “Scoop” on that trip given that he missed the National Party leadership change that happened right under his nose on that weekend. 
The best point of order came from Winston Peters. Members will know that it is unparliamentary to call someone a hypocrite. Winston who had become agitated by a speech took a point of order sought leave to table the  
Oxford Dictionary 
 and asked members to look up the meaning of the word “hypocrite” and compare the definition with what the member was saying. 
The best interjection on one of my speeches came from Michael Cullen. We had taken great delight in Opposition in reminding the National Government of its “Read my lips: no new taxes” promise. I had collected up anything that looked like a tax increase—accident compensation levies excise duties rates rises bus fare increases; anything at all—and gathering up every inch of constitutional outrage I could muster I shrieked: “See National promised no new taxes but in fact they have introduced nine new taxes.” “They must have been speaking German.” came the dry interjection from Michael Cullen. 
And the best answer to a parliamentary question came from my great friend Parekura Horomia. The prime question that was asked was innocent enough: “What did the Minister think of such and such?”. Parekura indicated enthusiastic support. “How does he reconcile that answer with a letter signed by him a month ago stating the exact opposite?” asked the questioner. We all drew breath knowing that this was the question that we as Ministers all dreaded. “That is easy.” said Parekura “It was a pre-letter.” The House went quiet as everyone pondered the answer and one of ours stood to ask the next question. By this stage pandemonium had broken out on the Opposition front benches as its members realised that this was not an answer at all. A point of order was taken and an answer demanded but the Speaker the Rt Hon Jonathan Hunt advised that it was too late as he had called the next question. To this day it is unclear what a “pre-letter” is. 
There are far too many people to thank but I have chosen a few. I say thank you to our Prime Minister Helen Clark for her leadership courage compassion and humour over the years. Her support for me when I was unwell certainly helped my rehabilitation. I am pleased to learn that she is only midway through her career and I sincerely hope that she will be able to continue the great work she has overseen over the last 9 years. 
To the Mayor of Upper Hutt City Wayne Guppy and his wife Sue who have been good friends to my wife Toni and I I say thank you. Wayne is one of the top mayors in the country and a top bloke. He has vision is a strong leader and genuinely cares about the people of Upper Hutt. It has been great working with him on all the issues over the years. I will particularly miss our All Black selections often ignored by the hierarchy and the annual battle on the Upper Hutt bowling greens and I am pleased to note that I am going out on a high. 
To my dear friend Paul Tolich I say “Thanks mate!”. Tolly has stood by me through thick and thin over the years particularly when it was being alleged that the party was mysteriously moving to my left. The union movement and the Labour Party are the stronger for Tolly’s dedication and commitment. 
To all those who work in Parliament—receptionists messengers Hansard reporters select committee staff Crown car drivers security guards Bellamy’s staff—I say thank you. To all the board members chief executives and public servants who serve New Zealand so ably and professionally I say thank you for their contribution. To my ministerial parliamentary and electorate staff and in particular to Jan Paterson Ida Simons Janette Granville Krisna Crowley-Nepia and Rebecca Leahy I say thank you for their advice help and friendship. And I say thank you to those in my local Labour electorate committee for their loyalty hard work and support over all these years. 
To my family—my late father who has organised a heavenly chapter of Grey Power to make sure the superannuation surcharge never comes back; my mother who has defended my honour on late-night talkback shows; and my brother and sisters who have had to put up with ribbing from friends following some of my pronouncements—I thank them all for their support. 
I come now to my children. To my sons Ben and Sam who are both overseas I say that I am incredibly proud of them both. I am proud of who they are and of what they have achieved. And to my darling daughters Maddie and Emily who are here today I say that they keep me young and bring me never-ending joy and happiness. 
The best thing that has happened to me in Parliament was meeting falling in love with and marrying my wife Toni. She has been my rock my calm confidante my best friend and my media adviser over the last 8 years. I look forward to spending more time with her from now on and to sharing life’s adventures whatever they may be. 
As Ruth Dyson is wont to say finally and in conclusion I now prepare to leave this place. As a former Minister of Corrections I understand how inmates feel at the end of their time—I am looking forward to personal freedom and hoping I can survive outside the institution. 
At some time in the future a Speaker will stand at 2 p.m. in this House announce with sadness the passing of the Hon Paul Swain “Minister of This and Associate Minister of That” and invite members to stand for a minute’s silence. Two new fresh-faced MPs sitting where Steve Maharey and I started all those years ago will rise and one will ask: “I wonder who that old codger Swain was?”. I hope someone will have the decency to remind them that he was the captain of the parliamentary cricket team that beat the diplomats in 1997. 
With that I bid members goodbye and good luck. No reira tena koutou tena koutou kia ora tatou katoa.