title: Santa Maria and the Goombah
author: Marxx, Manny
description: A lighthearted tale of marriage, mayhem and mystery-Italian style . In many ways God was crudely unfair in his creation of Angelo Figurelli for, in a moment of Self-amusement, He implanted a troubled soul into the body of a gorilla, not that Angelo ever sought to maim; the problem was in his hands . Take the case of Jake Moschowitz, the door-to-door relic and white goods peddler-of course with Jake, Angelo used a bat-one whack. It could be said Angelo had a fetish for slapping, a God given propensity to relieve his frustrations, of which there were many. With his Maria it was a love tap to her rump. She reasoned, it was better for him, and for others, to release his frustrations in this way rather than in the ways of brother Mario or his father, Armmano. As for the Fulton Fish Market, the access to free uninhibited fish slapping was Angelo's lingering attraction there and why he stayed on after his retirement. Everyone who knew Big Angelo knew he tried to be gentle and that he killed only when the need was overwhelming. After his retirement, with the rise of his impotency, ever-wise Maria assigned to her husband the household chore of pounding out the meats-beef for rolled braciola and veal for extra-thin Italian style cutlets, and when there was no meat at home left to pound, Angelo, with Maria's blessings, was off to the Fulton Fish Market. On his return, spirits always uplifted, he'd bring home shopping bags of fresh killed fish. Strangely, when Angelo brought these gifts to his Maria, Whiskers-her cat-did so too, always there was dropped at Maria's feet a dead mouse or sparrow. Maria always returned their gifts with a favorite tidbit from her kitchen. What about Maria Figurelli? Perhaps to balance the scale, God assigned Beauty as keeper of the beast. No one could ask for a purer heart than Angelo's Maria. Yet Maria had cravings too . These telltale-channeling signs of this woman's pent up desires are only dissimilar to her man's in the cloak worn, Angelo relea