Sentence:  No matter how early I came down, I would find him on the veranda, smoking cigarettes, or.... And at last I began to <WSD>realize</WSD> in my harassed soul that all elusion was futile, and to take such holidays as I could get, when he was off with a girl, in a spirit of thankfulness. 
Meaning of the word marked with <WSD> tags:  To become aware of a fact or situation.