Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1963-07-12
Jim Bishop:
Reporter
One Fair Shake
Begets Another

Finnerty said that there
would be no drinking, please,
and there wasn't. It was his
funeral parlor. Some Of the
ladies took umbrage and they
sat on the camp chairs num-
bling their prayers with their
mouths pursed like pouting
fish. Finnerty himself reeked
of eucalyptus, and there was
an aura Of Sen-Sen among
the mourners. It was Danny
regan lying there as dead as
an empty fifth, but that was
of no consequence because
Danny had been dying on the
sidewalks Of Elizabeth street
for 20 years.
HIS AMBITION had ale
ways been to drink himself
to death and he had q job
as day bartender in Klonski's
Saloon in Cherry Hill. The
wonder of it was that, with
the stuff available all day. it
took Danny so long. He had
been q good-sized man, ale
ways amiable until noon,
and a terror any time after
ward. For the first 10 years,
the police had picked Danny
up off the sidewalk and set
him upright. After that, they
let him lie, and pedestrians
had walked around him Just
as they were doing now In
Finnerty's place.
Finnerty was a big man,
attired in cutaway and wing
collar. He had q busted nose
acquired by talking in Klon-
skis when he should have
been listening. He exchanged
pleasantries with the Three
Garces, who were septuage-
marian sisters in attendance
at all wakes because they
could never work up the
scratch for q television set.
They had real names, but no
one could remember.
They sat against the wall
opposite the casket, like three
old turkeys In white hats,
the heads swinging in unison
toward the door when fresh
mourners came in, the wings
brushing each other to draw
attention to someone in par
ticular and to cackle about
who 1t was, and what his or
her private life was like.
The little one in the middle
used to do a bit Of tipping
at home. Her sisters went to
bed, and the little one
repined at the kitchen table
feeling sorry for herself. She
picked up the phone and
called Klonski's. No matter
who answered, the little one
always asked for Joe, on the
assumption that there must
be q Joe In every bar. Some
times she got q sucker on the
line; sometimes she didn't.
When she got a live one, the
little Grace flirted outra-
geously. and ended by In
viting him UP to her place
for a drink.
1t always ended the same
way. The man took one look,
one drink and fled for his
life. She had given up drink
ing long ago, and, as a hobby,
she and her sisters took I'D
wakes. It was more fun and
fewer headaches, because It
was always someone else who
was dead, and this thrilled
the Tree Graces.
This time, it was Danny
Regain. His widow sat weep
ing and whispering and
laughing and weeping, de-
pending on which mourner
had her ear. With her stout
face and hooked nose and
white hair, Cecilia looked like
George Washington, espe-
cially in profile. She had
been a thrifty telephone OPP
orator for years, and she
had Danny insured to the
cork.
Angelo the Bookie came In.
He was a cautious man who
wouldn't lay 8-to-5 that
Regan had shoes on. There
were a few others who
showed UP, some to pay their
last respects, others to make
sure that Danny was really
gone. Lennie the Lisp was
there because he wanted
Danny's job. Mrs. Klonski ar
rived in coral beads and ear
rings. and a gay silk print
dress. She sat by herself be-
cause she figured that, So
cially, she was a cut above
the bartender's widow.
Then Klonski arrived at
the casket in diamond stick
pin and big rings to match.
Cecilia Regan joined him,
crying. Klonshi growled: I'm
sorry for your trouble"
CECILIA LED HIM back
to the camp chairs. Klonski
sat, III at ease, on the edge
Of the chair. He studied the
flowers, and wondered which
ones we're his. He nodded
gravely to his customers. and
seemed startled to see the
Three Graces staring at him
and whispering. He reached
into his jacket pocket and
withdrew an envelope.
Il don't like to talk about
money at a time like this"
he whispered to Cecilia. But
Danny had two weeks vaca-
ton money coming" He
handed her the envelope and
she started to cry all over
again. Then she dried her
eyes and reached into her
purse. las long as you're
giving me a fair shake" she
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