Evening star., 1962-08-25

Thrice-ToId
Tales of Woe
By MORRIS sIEGEL

GENE ARCHER, WHOSE RICH baritone mraculously
to stay happy kick at the Sunday aongs
accompanying RedSkin adverSeS can't for the life of
himself maintain the restraint when he plays golf
Let the Redskn vice president in charge of high three
putt he did several times at Manor recently
and you're apt to receive busted drum listening to
the mournful dirge his naccuracy inspires
It's common practice among golfers to sound off
after miScacuation but ArcherS amenS invariably
in threequarer time. 1t isn't necessary for to be
yricist to understand his disgust When golfer is teed
off, he's teedoff Whether it's in purple prose sad
song, the message is the same
Archer content to leave his bruised feelings
on the golf His grief accompanied him to the mems
grill, whete his tale of fell unSympathetic
His audience had troubles of its Some of the horror
stories Archers l-luck inspired made Genes problems
trivial.
TAKE BUCK HANCOCK He's a self-Styled Collide
generate Buck often plays with Merrell Whit
eSey This undoubtedly accounts for his golf temperament
maybe it's the other way around At any rate, when
Buck taking the game seriously he admitted he went
berserk at the slightest goof He still holds slew OF
ManorS unofficial club throwing titles
Finally there day of reckoning for Buck 1t
followed miserable round of luck Whatever disaster
attach itself to golfer found easy target in Buck
When he holed out the 18th green he uncharacer
iScaly quiet He had decided he recalled he had played
his last round of golf
81 took every club out of my bag" he said "and one
by broke EN- in half" This normally requires the
strength of two Sonny LStons but Buck his anger
DID THAT END HIS golf career? mo such luck" he
laughed. Couple of nights later a friend by the
house and gave whole SET complete with golf
bag. Said he convinced that anybody who could
patiently take the time break IA clubs instead of Just
throwing the whole bag in the river had learned self
control He told could enjoy the game. So far,
he's been right, but you know"
Another player weighed in with the story of the
ber who almost flooded the Manor several years
ago by wedging three straight shots into lake. He
suddenly flung his wedge in there too the fellow Sad
and when his caddy laughed at the incident, the
I'm kidding picked up his caddy and threw him into
the lake we'll" 1t all ended a happy note, however.
When the drenched caddy retrieved it cost the errant
player than the usual oneshot penalty He gave the
fellow $40 bill for his troubles.
FINALLY THERE WAS the story of guest PLAYING the
for the first time He asked his caddy if he could
reach certain green with fve-iron. The
no. take four-ron and hit it hard" The guest followed
instructions to the letter The ball sailed magnificenty
into the air. carried the green struck his wife
tween the eyes and killed her.
He quit golf took up drinking a new hobby Weeks
later he discovered in Stupor by friend who Sug
geSed he should be playing golf from the back tees
drinking from them he had been his tragedy The
victim agreed and returned to the after
three-month absence.
Upon reaching the same hole where misfortune had
struck the last time he again asked the caddy he could
reach the green with five-iron. The caddy
said and suggested he take four iron and hit it
hard"
This time the man remembered and protested. You
crazy something's" he asked Indignantly Last time
did that knocked the ball the green and took
on the hole"