Evening star., 1962-12-24
The
Rambler
49,. Tries to
Be Helpful
BY JOHN McKELWAY
Memo to Santa:


delayed in last year.
I emphasize a g rain: the
chimney is entirely too mar
row. I would just as soon
avoid going through what we
did last Christmas eve and
you will find the cellar door
is unlocked. I think it's pos
sible to carry tradition too
far, at times, and please re-
consider your approach to
the living room.
In last years confusion you
will remember I called the
Bethesda Chevy Chase Res
cue Squad and they refused
to send assistance because,
I think, the dispat tcher
Thought I was pulling his leg
and was calling from some
wild cocktail party.
This could easily happen
again. There are, you know,
some people who don't even
believe in you and it is par
ticularly difficult to convince
them that a person they don't
even believe in is wedged in
a chimney, at least over a
telephone.
So please use the cellar
door and be careful of the
steps. They are slippery
when wet.
You might be interested
to know we spent most of
Christmas cleaning up the
mess around the fireplace.
All the bricks have now been
replaced-at a. cost of S$53.74,
I might add-as well as the
shingles knocked off the roof
by the reindeer who got so
impatient while we were try
ing to get you out. One of
them apparently nibbled on
the forsythia bush and
another dented in the top of
the car. I just thought you
might be interested in these
things. 1852.
1t seems to me you could
use someone to watch the
animals while you're inside
the houses-juSt a suggestion.
incidentally, I meant to ask
you last year, before all that
happened, who writes the
directions for assembling
some of the presents you
leave unassembled?
] was thinking specifically
of the plastic log cabin you
dropped off two years ago.
You may notice it on your
way through the cellar to-
night, unasSembled in the
corner.
1t seems to me some of
these directions could be
made far simpler If whoever
it is that is writing the direc-
tions would use plain, simple
language. Sometimes, come
to think of 1t, I've been
unable to locate ANY direc-
tions and I don't see how you
could let this happen. Don't
you have anybody checking
the stuff before you take off?
Better still, why can't all
those elves who make the
toys assemble them? If there
is anything that irritates me
it is working all night Christ
mas eve trying to set up
something like the black
board you left last year.
-Four screws were missing.
1t seems to me by leaving
unaSsembled material you
run the risk of disappointing
some child whose father may
not be able to get the thing
together in the short period
of time he's faced with before
Christmas morning.
And another thing. When
you leave "battery-operated"
toys, why can't you see to it
that a supply of batteries is
included right in the same
package with the toy. And
the right size battery, too.
If there is anything that
irritates me 1t is to have to
go up to a drugstore every
Christmas morning and buy
batteries.
Why your people ever
abandoned the wind-up toy
is beyond me. They we're
usually broken by New Years
Day and you could get 'em
off the floor and into the
trash can.
A child can understand
why a broken wind-up toy
won't run anymore. But It's
hard to explain why some
thing won't run II you don't
have batteries-at least TO a
small child, particularly II
you're not too sure yourself.
You may not realize 1t but
you have given me cuff links
for the last four Christmases.
I wondered II this year,
perhaps, you might find some
galoshes and get the size
right, please. Galoshes are
aYQaiaqa ~ thav ara tno cynaII