Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1962-11-22
BY THOMAS COLLINS

and ailing. There are five
children. Should one of these
children bring the parent in,
or should the five of them
pay to put her in a nursing
home?
Here is the toTturous road
by which one good young
daughter-in-law came to the
nursing home decision:
My husbands mother was
"a" she says. land was being
released from the hospital
after breaking her hip. She
wanted to come live with my
husband and me and our
three small children. We
agreed to try it out. If it
worked we would take the
money from the sale of
Mothers home and add a
room and bath to our house
for her-provided her other
four children agreed to
this. :"
She wrote them Call were
living in other States and
eventually all agreed and in
the main expressed relief that
the mother was not to be
their responsibility.
80 we moved her m" the
young daughter-in-law con-
tinueS. I'VE were not willing
to finance the addition to our
house until We saw things
would work out. so we put
our three children in one
room, with a wall-to-wall
mattress, and gave Mother a
private room.
Il encouraged her to read,
do handwork. and gave her
mending, but her eyes didn't
hold out. 7 took her down for
new glasses. They didn't help.
Soon there were other all
ments. We changed doctors
for her. This helped little.
but not much.
More and more Mother
wanted to talk to me, always
about the past and nearly
always about how nice life
used to be for her. didn't
have time to listen-not with
all the things that must be
done for an aging woman who
couldn't get to the bathroom
by herself, for three small
children, for washing, ironing
and meals, and for a hus-
band. q"
Soon the novelty of Grand
mas being in the house had
worn off. and pickering and
trouble were beginning in the
small room where the three
children were.
Whom should I care for
first? The children? Mother?
My husband?
Il was spreading myself so
thin trying to do the extra
mile for everybody that l
drained myself physically and
spiritually. A pail began to
come over the house. There
wasn't fun and laughter any
more. -
But worst OF all, she says,
was the effect on the chill
dren. Our 7-vear-old begged
not to be left alone with
Grandma because he was
afraid she would die. There
were different problems with
the younger ones.
Actually, according to the
wife. Mother was no happier
than the rest of the family.
She was baSically a good
woman, and it hurt her to
see me working from $50 IN
the morning until II at
night"
So one day they had a
talk. And it was agreed that
an extra room on the house
wouldn't solve things. A
$4,000 house wouldn't. So
perhaps Mother would be bet
ter off in a nursing home.
The daughter-in-law ex-
plains how it was handled
financially: Mother had a
lifetime 500 a month from
the death of her husband.
The sale of her mouse assured .
another $50 a month for a
period of 10 years. Each
child agreed to pay $40 a
month, for $50 more. This
totaled Sl73. and the room,
board and care for Mother in
the nursing home was $3.50
a month.
Mother is much happier"
the daughter n-law says.
She gets all the attention
and care she needs, and more.
She has company around her
all the time, and the nurses