Evening star., 1961-04-20
THE GOLDEN YEARS
Wife Is in Choroe,
Retired Man Finds

Although the man is sup
posed to have the problem
OF where and how to live
after he retires," says a hus-
band who for obvious rea-
sons doesn't want his name
used. you will find that
most couples make this de-
cision on the basis of the
wife'S desires,
These desires involve
proximity to some child, or
some good friend. and always
hinge on social opportunities
for the wife. 1t is these
things, almost to the exclu-
sion of everything else, that
determine where a retired
man lives, and it is no Won
der that he has trouble ad-
juSting himself ="
Few Plan Ahead
This husband also thinks
m any wives dominate the
personal activities of their
retired husbands. Although
doctors stress the necessity
of keeping In shape by exer-
cise," he says. few retired
men make any plans or seek
any means to provide it ex-
cept for light home Jobs,
which aren't enough.
Even the doctor who made
me promise that I would
never stop getting enough
exercise has cut his own ac-
tivity to moving the lawn
and washing the car. You
can't blame the men because
in many cases their wives
won't let them get up a sweat
or tackle anything that will
make them healthily tired.
MY wife is like that. But
get exercise in spite Of her
qualms. I see no reason to
add to the present surplus
of widows"
The relationship Of q man
and his wife goes through
many stages from the hon.
eymoon to retirement. All re-
quire adjustments, and per-
haps retirement requires
more than any of the others.
Because here the two people,
for the first time since their
wedding. make a ma jor
change in their exposure to
each other. Many wives who
love their husbands at
breakfast and in the evening
can get an overdose when
they have them all day long.
Many husbands likewise.
But it is more than this.
A wife who through 40-odd
years has developed a peace
full pattern for operating her
home discovers, when her
husband retires, that she Is
no longer the full arbiter Of
her day or her home. She
now has a full-time partner
who helps decide everything.
And the man, having lost
what exhilaration his work.
day provided him with, must
seek to recover it through
such mundane things as the
visit of the mailman and the
repair of an iron.
ReadjuStment Due
Readjustment of the high
est order must be made by
a man and his wife when re-
tirement arrives. When 1t
becomes hard, the man falls
back on the wisdom and pa
tience he has acquired by
age IS and compromises
and lets his wife have her
way.
1t behooVes all people in
their early 60s-but particu-
larly the huSband-to blue
print the arrangements by
which the husband and wife
will live in their side-by-
sideneSs after retirement.
Blueprint the dishes, the
cooking and the bed-making,
for sure. Blueprint the eve
nings in which the husband
will no longer be weary from
a days work, the afternoons
on which the wife has taken
her maps.
A Wife's Judgment on re-
tirement living, after a long
marriage, is nearly always
good and perhaps better
than that of a man whose
main thinking has gone into
a job. Also the man comes
into the wife's world - not
the other way around-when
the man retires. Still, the
mans judgment must go into
the decisions that are made,
if he is not to fade away.
The best way for his judg-
ment to have play is to write
out in advance of retirement
Just what is best.
lCopyriEht, 1851, Gen. Features Corp }
The Golden Yeors oppeors Thurs