Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1961-10-17
By HOWARD WHITMAN

parents nave passed away.
So don't wait until it is
too late. Do it now. You
can create a warm. produc-
tive-indeed. an exciting
relationship with your aging
parents if you set out now
to discover them. not so
much as parents. but as
people.
Middle age" is well named.
You are the man, or woman,
in the middle. YOU have, on
one side, the new generation
coming up; and on the other
side, the old generation
moving on. You are at the
midpoint. the fulcrum, in
this seesaw of the genera
lions
Your role is balance. 1t is
a challenging role and ma
ture, in her wisdom. lays it
upon the shoulders of middle
age because middle age is
most capable of bearing it.
You are at the height of your
powers: you are seasoned by
experience; your Judgment is
tempered; you have the head
and the heart to do the job.
Act Your Age
Good. Then the first thing
you have to do is act your
age! You say you already do?
Well, perhaps you act your
age with the rest of the world
but do you act your age
with your parents?
A counselor in a family
agency said to me recently.
We've had hardboiled execu-
tives and blustery statesmen
and even ex-marines who, in
everyday life, seem very
tough and grown-up. But in
their attitudes toward their
parents. they are still chill
dren."
An example: George C..
was a foreman in a rolling
mill. His workmen called him
the "topkick" because he
snapped out his orders as If
he we're a top sergeant.
But" his wife complained
to the family counselor, Il
Just can't stand 1t when we
go to visit Georges parents.
His father keeps criticizing
the way we raise the kids
and keeps after him on little
things like checking the
water in the car battery.
And his mother is always
worried that he isn't dressing
warm enough. makes him
button the top button on
his coat when we leave. And
once she even chided him
for not having a clean hand
kerchief. A man of As! And
George never even says boo"
Nom Takes Over
On the disAff side: Mar
garet M. had been married
II years, had four children
and did a mighty good job
of running a nine-room
house on a tight budget.
When her parents came
over to visit, her mother, a
woman of "a. would go about
rearranging the groceries in
the cupboard; pointing out
that Margaret shouldn't buy
so much milk at one time
because it could sour: taking
an occasional pillow sip off
the bed and dropping it in
the hamper. remarking that
you really oughtn't to let
linen get that soiled," and
regularly reminding Mar
garet that you and Jack
oughtn't to stay up so late
you need your sleep"
Margaret told the counse-
lor, 1T just burns Jack up.
But l don't say anything
I don't want TO hurt MONS
feelings"
Now you don't hurt Mons
feelings at all-or Dads
either. In fact, you do them
good when you stand on your
two feet as an adult.
What Parents Need
The basic needs of aging
parents are three:
l. The need for emotional
security. When your parents
treat you like a little child,
they are simply going
through old motions. a re-
play of the past. They are
so accustomed to having you
lean on them that they think
you still want to. What a
psychological boost for them
in their later years if they
could see clearly that you
are standing firmly and quite
alone-what's more, that
they now have the security
of leaning a little on you
if they need to!
2. The need to feel i'm
portant. That's why they
pick on little things (and
sometimes annoy you with
their niggling). They're CROP
ing for Importance. If you
would ask their advice on
the big things once in a
while land tap their wis
dom and experience, they
wouldn't have to butt in on
the little things. They would
feel important: and you'd get
some valuable help.
3. The need for usefulness.
Older people want to be rea-
sonably busy, as all human
beings do. But they do not
want to be coddled with
make work" or make fun"
activity. A man who has run
his own business in younger
years is not deceived for one
moment about your .evalua-
ton of him when you invite
him tn joip in Wodnacdo u