davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1961-07-06

"ANY HUMORIST worth
his salt is a deadly serious,
bitter man and there isn't
any man more bitter about
the stupidity of the human
race than I. There could be
an atom war tomorrow and
no one knows and no one
cares.
The serious, bitter Mr..
Smith learned some time
ago that he had an unSerious
liver condition which could
get serious if he didn't empty
all his liquor into the sink.
He did and then he penned
the following notice to all
imbibing friends, had it en-
graved and bordered in
black:
with sorrow and pain
almost beyond the limits of
human endurance, I beg to
report to you that my doctor
has at last convinced me
that I cease ingeSting alco-
holic beverages at once or
die like a dog. I have agreed.
I have hung up my tankard;
1 have shattered my shot
glass against the fireplace
bricks. When I get a rub
down I forbid the use of
alcohol and insist on a por-
ridge of honey and vinegar.
A stone! A leaf! A door! o
lost!"
The lost stone, leaf, door
said he had so many imbib-
ing buddieS he had to get out
a second edition. He also sent
the notice to relatives, of
which there are a goodly
amount. A copy went to Mrs.
Ray Merriman of Clinton, Md.
one of four sisters trans
planted from Illinois to this
area-who suggested a call
to her brother.
Answering the phone in his
Old Roaring Brook road
hideout in Mount Kisco,
N. Y, Mr.. S mith said
he's been true to his doctor
and it really isn't so bad I'M
til he gets to reading ads
"that write in a glowing way
about wine Then I get
a broom stick and bite on it. "
Evening star., 1961-07-06
GRATEFUL FAIRFAX
VOTES ATTORNEY
BONUS OF $4,000

Fairfax County, which
last week won an annexa-
tion suit involving $46 mil
lion in tax assessments.
will reward the man who
headed it's court battle.
The Board Of Supervi-
sors yesterday voted unan-
imously to give Common
wealth's Attorney Robert
C. Fitzgerald "a ringing
vote of thanks" and a
$4,000 bonus.
Supervisor Robert c.
Gotten moved that the
board express its apprecia-
ton and said State law
permits granting Of the
bonus.
Evening star., 1961-07-06
Underpuss Too Low,
Truck Is Wrecked

A tractor-trailer driver found
an Alexandria railroad under
pass. 10 inches too low yester-
day.. police said. .
Police Pvt. Wilmer M. Gator
said a rig driven by George w.
Kelley, %, Of Lindale, Ga4
struck the RF&P railroad un-
derpass at Telegraph road,
Pvt. Gator said the driver es-
capped without injury, but dam
age to the vehicle was estimated
at $1,000.
Evening star., 1961-07-06

ruary 16 and April 27-interest
was being paid out at an annual
rate of $1,622,790 on borrowed
funds amounting to $57 ,568, 900.
This amount of indebtness was
about $11 million less than is
outstanding at present.
s Successive refundings as the
Short term notes have matured
have allowed RIA to reduce its
annual interest costs recently
because of the softening money
market.
In the early part of last year
the interest rate paid by the
agency on it's notes ranged from
.2.76 to 2.86 per cent.
About ~ Pct.
In an action yesterday, RIA
approved issuance of notes tc
refund $50 million of indebted
ness for Project Area C oper-
ations at interest rates ranging
from LAS per cent to l.55 pei
cent.
The average rate for the en-.
tire amount, the agency said
was about 1.52 per cent.
The new money will be usec
to retire maturing notes.
At one time, Project Area {
borrowing amounted to a tota
of $52.5 million. Subsequently
$2.5 million of this was paid off
Other outstanding loans from
private lenders for urban re-
newal projects in the develop.
ment stage, together with thu
current interest rates in effect
are as follows:
Southwest Project Area B.
1850, 900, maturing December
90, 1861, Isl per cent.
Southwest Project Area C-1-
$2.3 million, maturing June 20
1862, 1.49 per cent.
Northeast Project Area l.
$11.5 million, maturing Febru'
ary %, 1862, 1.54 per cent.
A total of $2,345, 900 of RLL
funds is now invested in ap.
proved Government securities
yielding a return at an annua
rate of 5000. A spokesman
said between SIS million and ST
million in liquid funds is alst
available for current operations
In another action yesterday
the Redevelopment Lane
Agency set 10 am. July 10 al
the date for a public hearing
on execution of a contract fol
sale of a parcel in Southwes
for the Harbor Square Coop
erative apartment project.
Evening star., 1961-07-06
BUS
CrushHurIs
2 Children
Under Seat
Continued From First Page


credited the driver with doing
a good job" of trying to con-
troll the big vehicle.
Mrs. Willie Coleman, Is, of
IA T street NV, said she was
sitting beside her husband,
holding their g. month old
daughter on her lap.
THE driver tried hard to
stop the skidding." she said,
but couldn't control it. All of
a sudden, all I could see was
a mountain of trees. Then the
window next to me popped out
and Sharon was hanging down
the side of the bus. I pulled
her back sas fast as I could"
Mr.. Black and his two chill
dren, Paul, jr., 2, and Mary
Anne, 9 months, were helped
from the swreckage by rescue
squad netAbers.
Mrs. Aria Mae Fulcher, 50,
of Augusta, Ca, said she was
thrown partly through a win.
dow as the bus struck the tree.
st owe my life to that man
who grabbed me and pulled
me up," she said. Her only
apparent injuries were severe
bruises.
Flung Against Seat
Mrs. Rosie Porter, "a, New
York City, travelling to New
York with her five children,
said, Il was sleeping when
there was this big jolt. I don't
know what happened. I was
thrown against the seat in
front and two of the children
were thrown under the seat" 3"
Four of the double seats in
the right rear were torn loose
from the floor, several large
windows were broken out on
the right side and the wind
shield was broken.
Mrs. Briscoe, who came to
Washington from Staunton,
Va, about 13 years ago, had
worked at the old Emergency
Hospital several years before
being transferred to the Hos
pital Center shortly after ii
opened.
She is survived by a SON
James Carney, of Harrisburg
Pa.
The injured:
Horace Virgins, q, of 100;
D street NE; Nancy Wilkins
IS, Gaffney, S. c.: Mamie S
Meredith, 40, High Point, N
c.; Hazel McCarry, 26, New
York; Alice Lehrer, AZ, Brook
lyn, N. Y; Velma Farmer, 81
Baltimore; Joseph Hart, 43, ol
1914 D street NE, and Mrs
Anna Mae Fulcher, 81, Kew
Gardens, Long Island, N. Y.
Also Paul Black, "a, Pau
Black, jr., 2, and Mary Anr
Black, 9 months, II @ street
NV; Julia Livingston, 29
Bronx, N. Y; Thelma Palmer
%, Milton, Fla; Fred Parker
: %, Bronx, N. Y; Debra Camp.
field, S, New York; Sirets
Campfield, 4. same address;
Doris A. Kelly. IL, Augusta. Ga.
and Bobby Hayes, 25, Brooklyn
N. Y, and his wife, Venella, "a
Also, Rosie Porter, "a. Le'
land D. Porter, Patricia Porter
Francis Porter, Z, Thomas Por.
ter, S, and Vvette Porter, 4, al
of New York, and Willie Cole.
man, 25, Katherine Coleman
"a, and Sharon Coleman,
months, of IA T Street NV.
Evening star., 1961-07-06

about the telephone bill
without it turning ipto an
essay" Mr.. Smith said yes
terday, by way of explaining
the daily nonsense which
nurtured some 20 books,
among them Low Man on
a Totem Pole" Life in a
Putty Knife Factory" Let
the Crab Grass Grow"
Collecting wacky charac-
ters as well as his own wacky
thoughts has been a prolific
and profitable pastime that
once prompted the late Fred
Allen to call Mr.. Smith "the
ScrewballS' Boswell"
For instance, Mr.. Smith
can and has told that Ben
jamin Franklin's bank ac-
count was overdrawn at least
three days out of every week
and that John D. Rockefeller
was a 20 per cent Upper.
He also makes the Mid
Western heart glow with
such statements as Bergen
Evans once did a study and
found out most of the Ameri-
can humorists are from the
Midwest-from Mark Twain
to Thurber."
This group also includes
Mr.. Smith. This does not
imply these humorists were
doing nothing all their lives
but looking at the corn fields
with rose-colored eyeshadeS,
says Mr.. Smith.
Evening star., 1961-07-06
School TV Funds

NORFOLK, Va, July 6 (AP).
"A 100000 appropriation for
educational television in public
schools was approved by the
city council yesterday.
Evening star., 1961-07-06
Car Dealers Accused
Of Violating Blue Law
Sunday Selling in Prince Georges
Charge dby Employees Of One Firm
By JAMES B. ROWLAND
Star staff Writer

Prince Georges County statesmen have filed Sunday
blue charges against five Dealers including the firm
that hires them.
warrants charging the dealers with selling last Sunday
are the first to be obtained the Supreme
Evening star., 1961-07-06
RIA Cutting Interest
To $1,000, 900 a Year
BY ROBERT ]. LEWIS
Star Staff Writer

More than million dollars year going into interest
payments on money borrowed by the Redevopment Land
Agency for urban renewal and redevelopment work
That disclosed today the agency prepared
$50 million in outstanding notes interest
Evening star., 1961-07-06

weigh the bad. Camp can be
one of the good experiences
that will keep him on the track
to honorable adulthood.
Evening star., 1961-07-06

George Kennedy is on vacation. He
will resume writing The RombIer
when he returns.
Evening star., 1961-07-06
The
Rambler
-. Chuts With
A Dry Humorist

BY MYRA MACPHERSON
It is heartening in these
no-nonSense days to hear
from his own Mid-W Western
lips that H. Allen Smith is
bringing forth another book
next week.
"a humoriSt can't write a
dead-pan letter complaining
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22
Busy Day

LONDON CUPID - This is
the timetable of an eventful
morning in the life of 35-year-
old Imre Blazso.
7:40 am. - Released from
Pentonville Jail.
1850 a.m.-Caught stealing a
radio from a car.
sos am. Booked on a
charge of theft.
Ills a.m.-Tried and found
guilty of theft, sent to jail to
await sentencing.
Blazso never found the time
to go home to visit his wife
and two children.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22

A licensed captain pilots the
boats because of their size,
and the largest two carry a
cook. Both men double as
fishing guides. AS the person
able Jake Pete put it: "If we
don't get any fish in one spot,
we move to where they are"
The lake is one of the best
for smallmouth bass any
where, and also harbors lake
trout, northern and walleyes.
In the fall, the cabin boats
carry hunters to the best
shores for the ducks that
swoop onto Eastwood, attract
ed by its rich crop of wild
rice.
Cruising along on a house
boat can hardly be surpassed
for a vacation away from
everything for people who like
to make their own fishing and
relaxing.
Yet not many miles away,
outside The Wilderness, but
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22
TraueI' Topics

still in the woods of Mime
sofa, there. are scores of re-
sorts where the vacationer
who likes to have others help
him make his fun, can find
what he wants.
In those resorts, swimming,
water skiing, boating as well
as landbound sports, cook-outs
and other activities vie with
fishing in popularity. Most
operators are always looking
for something different to give
their guests.
Ray LaMontagne, who oper-
ates BURNSIDE Lodge outside
Ely, hit on one twist. Once
each week he loads his chefs,
kitchen staff and guests on a
big pontoon boat and sails
out to an island in BURNSIDE
Lake - all to cook breakfast.
And vacation or not, just
about everybody gets up for
that meal.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22
Knock and
Be Trampled

MUSHROOM, Mich. CUPID
Two policemen in the suburb
of Norton are ready to endorse
the "shoot first and ask ques-
ton later" philosophy of law
enforcement.
That's because of their ex-
perience during a gambling
raid with the "knock and We
shall enter" school of thought.
After receiving an order to
CHECK a report of fighting and
gambling at the rear of a
house on Fairfield St, they
raped sharply at the door and
said, This is the police"
An estimated 30 persons
stampeded from the building,
sending the two officers flying
down the stairs in their wake.
Inside Volkman and Goodrich
found a good supply of left-be-
hind cards and hats, but no
one to arrest.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22
Find the Artist

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pa.
UPD-An $4,000 grant from
the National Science Founda-
ton will support a one-year
study at Pennsylvania State
University into new methods
Of determining creativity in
students.
The study will be directed by
Or. Kenneth r. Bethel, associ-
ate professor of art education.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22
Potted?

NEW YORK CUPD-Potted
plants are better protected
from summer heat in porous
red clay pots than in non
porous containers, according
to the Potted Plant Informa.
ton Center.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1961-08-22
BY Ralph ViIlers
United Press International


ELY, MINI. (UPD-Ely in
the far north of Minnesota
has two major natural re-
sources = iron ore and the
great splash of blue on it's
lakes.
An ordinary highway map
won't show, expect indirectly,
the forest wilderness that is
the Ely area, nor can any map
tell you of the type people in
habiting the region. Around
Ely both the people and the
forest wilderness are the
finest.
Some day the iron ore may
be exhausted, but, the vaca-
TONERS can bless this - the
lakes, the forests and the peo-
pie still will be there to enjoy.
Ely sits on the fringe of that
great northern Minnesota
Wilderness area that is SUI
perior National Forest. In the
Wilderness you can travel for
miles and not see a road, a
building or another camper or
fisherman. Or, for those who
like their wilderness tempered
with a warm, dry bed at night,
kitchen-cooked meal and the
other amenities of a restful
vacation, there are numerous
resorts spotted around the
lakes both inside the Wilder
ness and outside.
A flying trip over the Wild
erness lays out a panorama of
the North that is unchanged
since glaciers receded and left
Minnesota dotted with lakes
large and small. In an hours
flight along a 100-mile route
from the North Shore of Lake
Superior to Ely in a light
plane piloted by Bob Hodge,
a flying game warden, hardly
a link with modern civilization
passed under the wings. Forest
and water stretched as far as
you could see.
It's a flight that can't be
made under 1000 feet altitude
because the federal govern
ment is determined to keep
the area a wilderness.
Among the resorts in The
Wilderness, one of the most
unusual is afloat. It's col
lection of cabin boats, or house
boats, operated by Jake Pete
on 35-mile-long Eastwood Lake
along the Canadian border.
Vacationers from all over the
country have been making the
15-mile trip out of Ely to climb
aboard the house boats since
1885. To get an idea of the
wilderness in which they ply,
it's a four-mile drive to Win
ton, followed by a seven-mile
launch trip up Fall Lake (be-
yond which highways don't
rum and then a four-mile
portage in an old school bus
to the dock where the boats tie
up.
The boats were all built on
the lake shore, and range
from four passenger house
keeping boats up to 46-ton-
ners that carry IA guests and
two crewmen. The largest has
a main cabin, which doubles
as a dining room, plus a Sec
ond deck ringed by two-bunk
cabins, and bath facilities
with chemical toilets. Guests
fish from the decks or put off
on their own in a motorboat
that is towed behind.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1961-09-06

maker OF iron has just t mus
nduon oveo inventor d oIpHh ire
on TO i h resist se nc o
with t
ud
seat in Of and w
zPhs Set large 3o54 rectangular Furnished ods OOe slip
he q Oh
ShownS ogLo wnhd gloss top
hne
in
furniture. hndn Gevcue VAePh
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1961-09-06

WAREHOUSE FURNITURE CLEAR
m sale Thursday at $3.50 am.

We clearing warehouse Of such
Ore%e
Of the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1961-09-06


Suite china net tbe chairs Conn., tables values
parable value 59oOO z6lOO 1900 269OO 1900 to 1900
TobIe
Servers value 25OOO 5000
Buffts comparable
Side Chairs with upholstered value 10000 795OO
bevoue4 Cox values
Doble Dresor u,.4 $500 $685. 1900 to 5000
comparable values O6OO 1000
$780, cLoir oporo
Size Bed, comparable $780, ~ O>00
Twin o Double Size value o'' 7o"V
Early American ola
HntLvp 234OO, $4,000
oooo IN ouoe
ondw
arm n fruit
Am. Honpo1oe Voue Zo22II, HOO 24OO
10000
L-Funur. hEorW hnduSue
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03
Athletics To Be A Part OF ST.
Andrews College Curriculum

Laurinourg - The athletic
program of the new St. And
rewS Presbyterian College here
Will bv designed 10 promote as
broad participation by stu
dents as possible, Dr.. AnSley
{. Moore. president. announc-
cC To-Day.
Although We nave studied
carefully the implications of
all facets of the general ath-
lvtic program cnviSioncd for
ST, Andrews. the Board of Dir
rcctorS has not made any final
decisions as yet" the President
said.
DR.. Moore said that ne want
cu 20 make a public statement
about tentative athletic pro-
gram plans because a great
deal of interest has been dis
played in this subject"
The President set forth these
basic points: (D athletics viii!
be a part Of the general aca-
dcmlC program of the College
under the supervision of the
Dean Of Students and the Dean
of the Faculty: (2) coaches VIII
toe primarily teachers OF ply
steal education who are select
cd not only on the basis Of
academic qualifications but al
SO on the basis of ability to
coach a particular sport: 90
there will be no athletic schol-
arShlpS; "a there will be a
strong lntra-mural program
for men and women: and 60
there will definitely be some
intercollegiate athletic pro-
grams.
"On the matter of athletic
scholarships we stand firm"
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03

Or. Moore said. All scholar
SHIPS will be administered Nv
the Committee ON Admissions
ana Financial Aid on the basis
OF general character. scholastic
ability I'm the case of honor
ScholarShlps) and need"
ST. Andrews Will open this
fall for the first time To a stu
dent body of approximately
100000. The College is a con-
So!ldatIon of Flora Macdonald
presbyterian Junior and Peace
Colleges and has a new CAMP
US under construction here
In describing the basic phol-
cSophy of the Colleges athletic
program. DR.. Moore pointed
out that the value of physical
education in college lies part
~ IN the instruction students
receive in SkillS and sports
which can be carried over into
mature life
lie described such sports as
tennis. swimming, golf. soft
pail and volleyball falling into
TINS Category.
| don't want To give the i'm
preston" he added. that We
90 not recognize the value of
intercollegiate competition in
building mature and healthy
young people. We plan 10
compete with the best in our
level, as long as we can COM
pete honestly and in the strict
est sense of amateuriSm."
DR.. Moore pointed out that
the College must go SLOWLY in
developing its intercollegiate
program over the first few
years OF operation since such
important details as building
Teams, providing proper faciI-
i'leS for sports and scheduling
opponents are still to be work.
ed out.
Dr.. c. Robert Benton. form
er football star at Catawba
College. has been appointed
Dean of Students at ST. And
rcwS and will supervise the
athletic program.
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03

approach Of 4 pedestrian or
mounted man OF Of camels or
other animals and must slow
down enough To avoid danger.
until those in the front take
heed and get off the road. II
The animals are frightened by
the sound of the horn or the
sound of the engine. he must
stop blowing the horn and stop
the engine until the animals
have gotten out Of the way"
Curiously enough a very
similar law still applies in
North Carolina-not for camels
but horseback riders.
Finally, visualize this reyu-
lation enforced, say, ON Wiki
inSon Blvd. in Charlotte OF RAJ
leigh's Downtown Blvd. The
Saudi law book prescribes
thuSly. when 4 driver travel
ing on public roadway meets
another vehicle, both must
keep TO the right and slow
down TO a pedestrians pace"
Failure 10 do so, the book
concludes, may be described az
reckless driving calling for two
TO eight days in the lock up Cor
the violator.
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03

Thai VIC could probably take;
but get what comes next.
"He shall officially be given
fifty laSheS in front Of large
group of drivers for the
first offenSe his license shall
be withdrawn and he shall not
be permitted To drive for the
period of one year"
More than a few Tar Heel
judges, l suspect, have fought
temptation 10 use something
more than their tongues in
flashing fragrant traffic violat-
OrS.
Auto passengers, under the
Saudi set up, get better than an
even break, too. The code says:
IF Il passenger requests the
driver 10 stop, Tor sudden ill
ness or prayer time, and the
driver does not comply with
the request. ne shall be fined
20 to 50 quirSh." (The World
Almanac doesn't give a "quir-
Sh' so you can guess how mucn
it's worth, like l did,
Continuing with passengers
now. They don't have to take
any sass from impudent cab
drivers apparently.
III a driver requests 4 tip
from the passenger. using a
threat as a means to obtain il.
providing this is proved upon
investigation, he shall be fore
ed to return what he took from
them and shall be imprisoned
Tor a period of from one week
10 one month"
Then the act goes on 10 cover
camel and pedestrian traffic
and what drivers must do.
"A driver must sound nj,
horn continuously at the mere
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03
Free
WheeIiiliq

Call out Saudi Arabia and
10 me IL conjureS up a rich
image of camel caravans, sui
ianS and their harems. oil and
an endless sweep of desert with
no Route &c.
The Western eye simply
cant see much by way of hard
highways. traffic and cars in
ms unsuitable land of the
Near East. Indeed. aside from
IN occasional OK jam and over
time camel parking, it's hard to
imagine the ArabianS with any
Kind OF traffic problems at all.
But hold ON there. Saudi
Arabia not only has cars but
twentieth century type traffic
headaches to 90 along with
them.
And you can credit turban
topped officials with some large
thinking iii their approach to
a solution. For one thing. the
government manual of motor
rehlcle regulations reads some
'hing like guidebook to Dew
lis Island. depending of course
on your viewpoint of traffic
violations. For our own traffic
people. constantly Skirmishing
with wilful and chronic violat-
orS. the Saudi method must
seem obliquely desirable. o.
SO ! would imagine.
Anyhow, the stern penalties
assigned to certain highway
h'lScteS are enough to shake
-" VI" hardest Scofflaw in
these parts.
-,s an example, in the code
of regulations, one part reads
as follows:
IL vehicle turns over Will,
travelling or the driver is the
cause of collision with or over
turning of another vehicle. and
IL Is proved by the technical
investigation (when the COPS
come--ed.) that the over-turn-
ing or the collision arose from
the drivers poor handline Of
the vehicle or from his neglect
10 inspect its parts before
starting. he shall be liable for
the cost of tie damage he has
caused"
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03
Essay Winners

During the month Of March
the REA sponsored an ESSAY
contest My Electric Member
ship Corporation: A Good Cit
zen"
Several students participated
in the local contest. but after
the elimination, two girls. a
Sophomore and a senior. were
winners. Addie Louise Bella
my, senior, won the first
prize of ten dollars. and Bobbie
Carr, a sophomore, won the
second prize, which was five
dollars.
Although there were ONLY
two winners from the school
the other contestants sent their
entries to Raleigh for state
competition.
Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1961-05-03
Guidance Club

Mrs. William Chestnut was
hostess for the Young Ladies
Guidance Club which met
Tuesday afternoon. Mrs. Sam
kearney presided and led the
devotional.
After the business session
Mrs. Edward Hemminexav
highlighted the meeting with
an interesting topic on PRAYER
ST a. S
The hostess served a sweet
course. Mrs. John c. johnson
Will be hostess for the next
meeting.
A thought for the day-God
is our refuge and strength a
very present help in the time
Of trouble.
BY Reporter