Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1961-10-16

Not long afterWard. a mid
dle-aged father - discussing
Second Of a Series
his 14-year-old son - re-
marked, II might as well be
talking to my boy in a for
eign language. He doesn't
understand a thing I say
and I don't understand him
any better. About the only
real communication we have
is once a week when he asks
for his allowance"
There must be thousands
Of middle-aged parents who
are today in the midst of
this phenomenon of nom
communication with tn e ir
teen-aged boys and girls. By
this time these parents, who
have had a wealth of expert
ence at rearing children. are
very savvy to the fact that
youngsters go through
phases.
These Phases
They have COPIED success
fully with negativism (the
"Don'ty Duck" phase we
called it In our family, with
the moody phase. the hyper
active phase, the withdrawn
phase, the boy-crazy or girl
crazy phase, the super-serious
phase and the super-silly
phase.
But the new phase - the
phase of "unreachability"-
seems to throw them.
How can you get to a
youngster If you can't even
reach him?" a perplexed
father wants to know. And
can you blame him?
II you are a typical middle
aged parent, chances are that
you may be assailed occa-
Sionally by these feelings
anent your teen-aged young
sters:
/. You are simply being
used"
2. Your children have no
genuine feelings for you at
all; they are oblivious to you
3. You never dreamed that
such wonderful children. your
own flesh and blood, could
be such ingrates. Instead OF
approaching all you've done
for them. they almost seem
to hold it againct you.
4. You've given them the
best years of your life. And
do you think they appreci-
ate it?
5. Your kids used " like to
be with you-at least once
in a while-for outings and
picnics and family evenings.
Now they seem to prefer
everybody else's company
even anybody else's company
to yours.
Going Too Fast
And beyond this. you're
worried. You see your teen
ayers going places and doing
things and staying out late
on a scale that is as least
two or three years faster
than the pace set by your
generation when you were
young.
This bothers you. They are
using up life too fast. What
will they have to look for
ward to by the time they are
10 and 20?
Then. just when you're
wondering what action you
should take. the youngsters
finally decide to communi-
cate with you for three and
a half minutes. The burden
of that communication is
that he Cor she) is entirely
too tied down and would like
the freedom to make his COZ
herr own decisions and live
his Cor herr own life.
Oh, we'll, remember what
Grandma used to say: When
the children were little they
were little problems, anc
when the children were big
they were big problems"
And now you know first
hand exactly what Grandma
meant.
Don't Despair
Here you thought, naively
that your worries would bt
over when you put the little
ones on their feet. And nov
they're on their feet all right
but seem to uset his capacity
mainly for walking all ovel
you.
One of the wonderful
things about middle age Il
that you learn not to despair
If all of your marbles are
arranged the way they SHOULD
be, you are too darn happy
just to be alive.
Now is the case Of thi'
new phase of the youngsters
"unreachability" - you dom
simply have to bite your Liz
and mutter II will not des'
pair" You can sit back ano
suck on your pipe, or hooi
your hooked rug, and reas-
sure yourself that logic, Goo
and nature are on your side
This phase in the young.
sters' growing up is a com.
bination of subtle and divine