Evening star., 1960-09-21
YOUR FAMILY
AND YOU
Democracy
In the
Family
BY DIR. PAUL POPENOE
National NEWSPAPER Syndicate

Mr.. c. is on the brink OF
matrimony and he would like
to have a democratic family.
Don't get me wrong. DR..
Popenoe," he writes. Il am a
Republican, politically speak
ing, as my father and grand
father were before me. But
in college we were taught
that the democratic form of
family life is the pattern of
the future, and I'd like to
start with my bride-to-be to
put our marriage on that
kind of a foundation. How
can I best insure this pat
tern in my future family?"
You are headed in the
. right direction, Mr.. c., and
I am sure your political prin-
ciples won't be compromised.
The term democratic fam
ily'' is loosely used to mean a
great many different things
or very frequently to mean
nothing at all.
Four Words
If taken more carefully,
the term implies a family
system that, as one recent
writer puts it, can be sum-
married in four words:
Free m, independence,
Equality, and Fulf1llment."
l. Freedom, again, can be
interpreted in a good many
different ways. At it's best in
in the present connection, it
describes a type of family in
which not merely husband
and wife but all the children
have the opportunity to ex-
press their own ideals and
live their own lives without
being improperly dominated
by anyone else. This, of
course, involves respect for
the rights of others in the
family and outside, as is true
of all freedom.
2. Independence Is an ex-
tension of this. Sons are no
longer bound to follow their
fathers in business or pro-
fession if they want to do
something else. Grown chill
dren, themselves married, are
no longer required to take
orders from their parents or
grandparents. They can live
their own lives.
8. Equality applies mainly
to the relationship between
husband and wife. 1t is often
misinterpreted. Actually, hus-.
and and wife are not equal.
No two persons are equal.
Equality does not exist in ma
ture. No two leaves of grass,
no two snowflakes are equal.
Husband and wife are equally
good but in different ways.
They are mutually dependent
on each other. They compile
ment and supplement each
other. Neither is complete
without the other. But at
least the abandonment of the
idea that women were by
nature an inferior breed Of
animal has been advantage
GUS.
Ideals
4. Fulf1llment promises S
that each individual shall
have the right to live his own
life in ways that give him the
greatest satisfaction. It is a
valuable ideal, even though
its miSinterpretation leads to
the wrecking of a good many
marriages.
In fact, each of these four
ideals-freedom, independ-
ence, equality and fulfill
ment-is often interpreted
and applied in such a way as
to destroy marriage or dis
rupt family life. We don't
want to repudiate these
ideals but we want to under
stand them intelligently and
apply them successfully.
To get a picture that is a
little more easily applied to
your own life, write me in
care of this newspaper with
Stampe d, Self-addressed
envelope) for a free Rating
Scale for a Successful Mar
riage." Any married person
can check up on himself and
see whether his marriage
conforms reasonably we'll
with the ideal. If not, this
rating scale will show him
some of the points at which
he should go to work.