Evening star., 1960-02-05
BY PATRICIA YAROCH

eyes as she described her
complaint.
Her husband John was %.
He was in managerial train
ing with a large Supermarket
chain. The salary was not
overlarge, but the couple had
managed to rent and furnish
a small apartment just six
blocks from his mothers
home.
Until the birth of their
first child, Dannie, three
months before. Denise had
worked as a file clerk.
Long Time Problem
"Well. his mother has
been in my hair since the
day we were married"
Denise continued.
81 thought once I was
married I was through with
having other people tell me
how to run my life. Heaven
knows my own mother did
enough Of that. But she lives
about 40 miles from us and
can't get near me often.
But Johns mother! First
she told me how to decorate
the apartment Then what
dishes to cook for John, and
what kind of sheets to buy
and how to wear my hair. I
put up with all that for
Johns sake. Poor dear, he
just doesn't know how she
always has run his life.
But I want to spoil Dam
ME a little. When other chill
dren come I won't have the
time to spend playing with
them. With the long hours
John works, I don't have
much else to do but play
with Dannie and baby him.
But Johns mother comes
over every day-either for
coffee in the morning or to
watch television in the eve
ming. And she scolds and
. dickers constantly about the
way I wait on Dannie. Sure
I pick him up when he cries.
I like to hold him anyway and
I don't like to hear him cry"
Since Dannie's birth. Den
Use told the counselor, she
and John had had many
quarrelS over his mother.
They are getting so bad that
I suggested we move away
from his mother. But John
won't. He says since his ia
theirs death, he feels respon-
sible for his mother. You see
there are no other children.
What can I do now? John
and I are barely speaking"
Denise, in short, faced a
"mother-in-law" problem. It
was the counselor's chore to
show Denise just how much
of that problem was Of her
own making.
Many such in-law problems
are, according to DR.. Kath-
arine Greene. Wayne County
Marriage Counselor.
First" said DR.. Greene, "a
husband or wife may not
think Of members of their
spouse's families as individ-
uals, but only in relation
ships to their partner"
Thus a Johns mother"
was simply that to Denise and
not a warm. outgoing woman
who loved .John-and Denise
and Dannie - and enjoyed
spending time with them.
Secondly" said DR..
Greene, many in-laws really
are stinkers. They are the
kind of persons we would
never choose as friends. They
are a nuisance to us and we
feel just in not trying to see
good in them.
1T doesn't occur to us that
our partner may be fully
aware of the failings of his
relatives but sees through
them to the good underneath.
We probably would see that
good too-if we bothered to
look"
hcCdu DIttcTueSS
DR.. Greene's third point
was where Denise made her
biggest mistake: Thirdly, we
may have not fesolved old
bitter feelings that exist from
the times members of our
family hurt us as a child. If
our sister hurt us deeply we
are likely to think of our
partners sister as someone
who can hurt U.s."
In Denise's case, the coun-
selor quickly saw that be-
cause she felt her mother
had "interfered" in her life
she expected Johns mother
to do the same thing.
Therefore she interpreted
kind and normal interest -
"women-talk" sessions about
what colors to use in the
apartment and trading of
recipes-as the expected in
reference.
But Denise was not all