Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1960-02-03
By PATRICIA YARoCH

noEtn AMERICAN Newspaper Alliance
DETROIT, Feb. std
like you to help me arrange
for the adoption of my child
when 1t arrives In three
months"
The minister knew Amy,
the woman speaking to him,
as well as he knew her, hus-
band. John. Both had been
members of his congregation
for years.
He was surprised at her
request, because he knew of
no financial strain in the
couples household and also
recalled that in premarital
counseling with him they had
expressed the desire to have
at least four children.
Not Shocked
But he was not shocked to
have Amy come back 10
months after he had read her
marriage ceremony and make
this announcement. You
see." said DR.. Samuel Sharp,
now pastor of Bethany
Church Of God here. many
couples-more than anyone
would suspect-put their first
baby up for adoption"
Why?
For most it is a situation
such as Amy and John faced.
They were making what they
thought was a good adjust
ment to marriage until the
pregnancy came.
"They even greeted news Of
the baby's coming with great
joy-this was to be the full
flllment of their marriage.
But after the third month
Of pregnancy they decided
the child was separating
them"
Amy had been having a
bad pregnancy. She was
nauseated-confined to bed
by her doctor much Of the
time. All Of which kept her
from going places and spend
ing time with John. He re-
acted by not coming home
from work nights but hanging
around with 1.-The boys"
Not Rare Case
"I thought we were both
ready" Amy explained to the
minister. But apparently
John isn't ready to accept
the responsibility. He recog-
nizes that and we have de-
nizes that and we have decided
cided to give up this child and
get some counseling for both
Of us so that we will be ready
for the next one"
Amy and Johns action was
more radical than that Of
most couples but the prob
lens the first pregnancy and
birth can bring are not rare
at all, say the marriage
experts.
Strain often develops be-
tween the couple about the
fourth month - when the
mother feels life, said Laura
Askey, casework supervisor,
Family Service Society of
Metropolitan Detroit. Then
the baby becomes a real
thing"
Father recognizes the added
responsibility the child will
mean. how it will claim the
mothers time. and how it
will tie them both down.
The birth of a baby also
causes troubles for many
couples, says Aaron Rutledge,
Of Merrill-Palmer School, a
private organization inter-
ested in the family situation.
TOO often a mother almost
divorces her husband when
the first child arrives-ex-
pecting the husband to be
able to get along on his own"
What to Do?
What can a couple with
a first child do?
Here are some suggestions
from experts:
Says Rutledge:
Remember you were a
family before the baby came
and will be when he is grown
and gone. Refuse to let him
root out all discussions or
interests you share. This at
.titude will be better for the
child too. He will learn the
right way for mothers and
fathers to act"
From DR.. Sharp: Dad will
feel less left out if he helps
with the care of the child.
Couples should also do things
together for the child"
Says Arne Erickson, assist
ant director Of family serv-
ice: TRY to enjoy having the
baby in the house. Play with
him. love him together. But
don't let him disrupt your
life completely.
If you like to have din
r1er Just you two do it.
Feed the baby first. Do 60 out
with friends, leaving the
child with a responsible baby
sitter. Do talk about some
thing other than the child"
Another problem con-
Tnroo Tore