The Catholic times. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1951-current, 1958-09-26
JOSEPH BREIC-
A Cold
In My Head

AS likely as not, the first thing that Adam and
Eve did, after the angel with the flaming sword snow
ed them the door of paradise, was to come down
with a common cold.
Eve, he being the head of the race and therefore
the one who was supposed to be the leader IN every
thing
case the cold sure was common. They both had it.
And ever since then everybody has been giving II TO
everybody else.
There is nothing quite so completely common as
the common cold.
It's like the story of the spellbinder who was
making a political speech, and he wound up with .
flourish, shouting that his candidate was a man OF
the common people.
When the voters Just sat there, not applauding
or anything, he realized that he'd better give his
talk an extra flip. So he lifted his arms and roared:
And when say common, ladies and gentlemen,
l mean coMMoNr
That's the way it is with the common cold. /
can write about the common cold with serene conf
dence that every reader will understand me.
Not only will all the readers understand, they
will be sympatico. AS | am suffering, SO they have
suffered. | need only mention that | have a common
cold. and their hearts 60 out to me.
Without being told, my readers realize that |
feel as if some one had me by the throat, and was
gouging at my eyes with his thumbs, and was grab
bings me by the ears and banging my head against
THEY KNOW TOO that all the energy and ambi-
ton have drained out of me-that right now | don't
car whether / write or don't write, and Whetner
anybody reads or not.
The readers also will see eye to eye with me
if | say that science is all very well, but that the
scientists better keep a humble tongue in their
mouths.
l mean to say, here we are still plagued with the
cold that is as common now at it was back in the
time of Adam and Eve, and right on through history.
We learned how to make fires. We devised the
wheel. We invented the steam engine and inside
plumbing and %airplaneS.
WE CAME UP with coal and gas and oil, CEN
trail heating, automobiles and automatic washers and
dryers, surgical techniques and antibiotics
But what have we ever done about the common
cold? Nothing except to make it more common, that's
what.
) Adam and Eve had it.. Their children had it.
Abraham no doubt had it-and Moses and King
Solomon and David and Methuselah and the Macca-
bees.
The Assyrians had it. The Egyptians had it. The
Babylonians had it. The inhabitants of Ur had it.
Probably the Philistines had it-and serve them
THE ROMAN EMPERoRs had it. Chances are
that one or another emperor was OverthrpWn Just
because he had a common cold and didn't care
whether he was emperor or not. + !. M. ga
Charlemagne likely had the sniffles at one time
or another. Maybe Attila the Hun invaded Europe be-
cause he felt so mean from a common cold that ne
lust had to take it out on somebody.
Now we're putting satellites into orbit around
the earth. We're trying to send one to the moon.
We're talking about interplanetary and interstellar
space travel.
So what will happen? Well just spread the COM
mon cold all through all the universes there are,
that's what. So the scientists needn't bother Drag.
ging about ANYTHING until they find a way to wipe
out this plague. Until then, sneezes on them.