Madison County Democrat. (London, Ohio) 19??-1958, 1958-03-07
8 OUR
El TOWN
HEGENTLE
ART OF
ISLANDER

Herewith have classified to the best of our abil
ity the and various popular methods OF sander at
the social level practSed by the subtle adherens
to that gentle art:
GREAT EXPECTATIONS TECHNIQUE
This technique usually makes itself known by
question. you know how SHE is? is most times the
% o m e SIN
known to There is defense possible since any
further conversation will surely expose the fact that you
do know how SHE is.
FIRING SQUAD TECHNIQUE
How often do you hear somebody say, Now, like
old Joe but " 1t at this point that get both bar
res on old Joe. This is known as the firing squad"
technique you know give him cigarette before you
blow his brains out.
SILENT SUFFERING TECHNIQUE
One of the more subtle cinchers in the gentle art
of slander can be accomplished without word When
certain people mentioned all that needs be done is
to roll the eyeballs and grunt If emphasis be
quired in dealing with particularly hardo-convince
subject throw up your hands and make face.
DREAM BOAT TECHNIQUE
"A fellow told me" is much used statement made
by certain gregarious types order to start what is
sometimes referred to conversation. (e argument)
If large group of listeners is present merely multiply
and say, THEY told me-" When tracked down. THEY"
usually turn out to be second cousins of somebody's
Aunt Matilda who lives house-boat on the Big San
LITERARY LICENSE TECHNIQUE
Beware the man who says, 81 read somewhere that
;" It's ten-to-one that he didn't read it at all but is
merely feeling his along to how much he get
away with The question is best dealt with by asking
"Wherew If prompt answer isn't forthcoming i'm
medatey, get out of there quick.
HORSES MOUTH TECHNIQUE
You've doubt heard of what is known in the
trade "a usually informed source. usually inform
ed source is most times nothing trustworthy than
window pepper with granulated eyelids variation
OF this method appears frequently in higechelon paa-
IAN unimpeachable informant This turns out
to be all educated Peeping-Tom who uses a hecopter
for second-story work.
WIDE-EYED INNOCENCE TECHNIQUE
How many times have you been asked SIS it REAL
LY true about Tom and Mary?" Such question mostly
mouthed by those who spend lot of time praying for
crop failure after wild oats party There is no answer
TO this because who knows?
TECHNIQUE
The lead question in this technique is "I don't
know whether this is true not but wasn't she MIXED
UP in !? This is like lighting the fuse on five pounds
of Chrese firecrackers. If she wasn't mixed up in it
hen she now The only defense here is tochange
the subject.
SWEETNESS AND LIGHT TECHNIQUE
Then there is question like this - "She is so tai
ented and such good cook Isn't too bad that she eats
Bete nuts Maybe she likes to Betel nuts At any
rate this question to give the interrogator feel
ing OF having had bath before falling i'm a manhole
1t also implies that the subject needs real good friend
BOMB TECHNIQUE
People who practise this method come from the
where there there s-fre" school Trouble is
they are continuously being burnedup" but never pet
Dlster Chances they read Peyton Place" in the
Woodshed by the light of the moon.
Bur one things for these technoues as list
ed are lnfallble conversaton-makers. Ge argument
producers) 1t matters not what is said gentle reader
only thar without this sort of thing great MANY of no
would be absolutely speechess.