Madison County Democrat. (London, Ohio) 19??-1958, 1957-04-30
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LETTER
Dear Mr.. Anthony,
l have a problem, l am
sailor in the United States
Navy and / have a cousin who
is a Republican. My father
has gin fits and my mother is
in the insane asylum, SO that
neither can work. They are
totally dependent on my two
sisters who are strip-tease art
lists in Woonsocket, Rhode IS
land. They must support my
mother and father because my
only brother is serving 10 to
25 years in Sing Sing for muir
dering TV announcer at Dry
Bones, Texas. / myself am in
love with midget weighing
SO pounds who knows nothing
of my background but says
she loves me. We intend get
ting married as soon as her
bigamy case is settled. (She
married an India rubber man
and a corned-beef salesman at
the same time). When l get
out of the Navy we intend to
move to London, Ohio, and
open up a combination tattoo
parlor and modelling school.
My trouble, Mr.. Anthony, is
this. In view of the fact that
I intend to wed this compare
lively innocent little midget
and bring her into the family,
should l or should l not tell
her that my cousin is Re-
publican?
NYAWLlNS
Down in New Orleans (pro-
nounced as above) they tell a
story about a waiter in one of
the restaurants who dropped a
trayfull of empty beer cans
and seven couples got up and
started dancing.
TRANSPORTATION
The auto manufacturers
have given us sports cars that
we can't get into and converti-
bles with immovable tops. The
cars are so low that man
wears out the seat of his pants
on a rough road and they are
SO high that he wears out his
bank account trying to pay for
'em. But what we'd like to see
is one that will fit into the
garage.
BEISBoL
Back in 1917 fellow named
Vaughn of Chicago pitched a
no-hit game against Cincinnati
and lost. Seems a fellow NAM
ed Toney of Cincy also pitched
no-hitter for nine innings
too. Cincy got a run in the
tenth and won the game 10.
TRANSITION
No wonder people in other
countries think we are nuts.
Canned goods ID patent
medicines come in large, giant
and home-economy sizes
whereas we used to buy them
in small, medium and large.
Deluxe is standard, super-de-
luxe is a little more expensive
and what used to be deluxe is
now colossal. We have run out
of superlatives. Superlative
isn't even superlative any
more.
PROSPERITY
What we object to regard
ing prosperity" is that 1t is
Just something we count, wrap
UP and send down to WASH
ington.
CONVERSATION
Mrs. Popple: my husband
is a travelling salesman and he
is gone so much that he seems
like a stranger when he's
home"
Mrs. Piffle: How perfectly
thrilling"
PAST PRExY
Old Harry S. Truman still
has plenty of steam left
leastways he's still popping off
every time he gets heated up.
LIVING
No wonder that growing up
is such tough ordeal for
youngsters-we tell them to
get plenty of sleep but not to
be caught mapping.
GROCERIES
"Cash-and-C Carry" is no
longer any problem. Anybody
can carry all they can buy in
a peck sack.
THEATRES
Booking agent answered the
phone and a voice said, Il can
blow square smoke-rings and
play Beethoven's Fifth on a
swinette. can jump into a
vat of hair-wave and never
get a curl and I can also play
a Commute trumpet solo un-
der water" Agent told the
caller that he wasn't interest
ed in novelty acts. Voice then
said, would you be impress
ed if I told you that I was a
wire-haired fox terriers"
LAST WORD
It takes but two things TO
become a successful mana
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