Evening star., 1957-12-03
LIFE AFTER DEATH
J Deborah Kerr Thinks Funerals,
Stressing Grief, Are Borboric
By DEBORAH KERR

HOLLYWOOD. Dec. 3 (R.--
Recently my secretary. who had
been with me most Of the IL
years I have been In America.
died after q long illness, I
pondered how to break the
news TO my two daughters. who
had been very close to her.
The girls nurse came into
the room while I was talking
with Melanie. my s-year-old.
and said. "the funeral will be
on Monday"
"What funerals" asked Me-
laine, her eyes bright with in
terest. Francesca Is 5. and not
quite 50 curious
~Vivlan's. dear" I told her.
"You know how she has been
III for q long time. Wen. she
has died"
Melanie though for . mo-
ment. then said. ION. well. she
will always be with us"
That's right. dear" said.
surprised and happy with her
reply Her spirit viii always
be with US"
What O wonderful reaction
to death. I thought. Not many
OF Us can view death with such
wholesome clarity. Unusually
It is the very young or the very
old.
Father r-in-law Has No Fear
Ny dear father-in-law has
utterly no fear Of dying. What
q relief Il win bel" he exclaims.
mo children TO worry about.
No grandchildren to climb all
over me. No newspapers TO
read with pages filled OF cruel-
ty and destructionl"
I can see how this splendid
attitude toward death can also
be given to the very sick. ex-
perienced It myself when ] was
making Heaven Knowns Mr.,
Allison" In the West Indies.
We were out on the water
one morning in q launch that
was tied up. The sun was beat
Ing down furiously: would
have been burnt to q crisp II
! hadn't had my nuns habit
on. The diesel fumes were pour
ing over US. Being tied up. the
launch rocked terribly. Plus
which there were ocean swells.
/ became so dreadfully sea-
sick that very happily would
have slid over the side and dis
appeared into the water. 1t
was q very appealing thought
to me.
Why can we view death with
out fear only when We are very
young, very old or very sick?
I believe it's because We are
every day instilled with the
fear Of death.
Come out Of the rain; you'll
catch your deathw
II died q thousand times!"
Don't let death take your
holiday"
Terror Of Dying Built Up
Now there's nothing wrong
with being cautious. But these
constant suggestions that death
is something awful build UP Q
terror Of dying.
Funerals are another way OF
making death seem odious !
think they are harbaric. don't
want people moaning and
weeping when I'm gone. I'd
rather have them open . bottle
Of champagne and remember
the good times we'd had.
But society insists on impos-
tna grief when death comes.
I can remember how shocked
my grandparents were when my
mother refused TO wear mourn
ing clothes after my father
died in 1894.
He never liked me in black, "
she told them. II look terrible
In black and I won't wear II"
She was right. She insisted
on keeping his memory as he
was when he was alive. As
q result. I look back on my
father and his passing with
nothing but pleasant memor-
les.
Because Of this fear Of death,
most Of Us grow UP and become
adults without facing the issue
Of what happens TO US when
we die. We suspend our judg-
ment. Perhaps 1t Is Just as
well, because we don't have
the intelligence TO cope with
the question.
But there comes q time when
we have TO face II.
That's when our children
come In one day and ask,
''where do people 90 when they
die?"
I'm sure every generation has
had 10 face such questions
But our generation has q
tougher job.
Must be Convinced
When our parents were
young. they accepted what
they were told. When we vert
young. we accepted. but W,
questioned. Today's childrer
won't accept unless you con.
vince them 1t Is 80.
I guess ! FIRST started think.
ing about life and death mat
ters when visited Italy fol
the FIRST time. Melanie was
then and starting TO maxi
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