Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1957-02-06
Barney
GIuzer

My personal guarantee to all
readers: this column is I'M
tourhed by human thought.
Bob Vincent watched a group
of fifth graders troup excited
ly through a newspaper plant
while their guide eXtolled the
intricacies of the fourth estate.
AT the end of the tour, win
the widc-eyed children hover
ing around him, the guide ask
ed: Nov, are there any ques-
tions?" One little girl in the
rear raised her hand and shril-
led: Did anyone notice that
I've got new dress on?"
1t is suggested by an erSt-
while reader that our public
tavernS and U. S. postofficcS
be merged as one. His reason:
would give man the excuse 10
his wife that he had to 90 TO
the tavern to see If any mai
had arrived.
There's firm in our town
called Courtesy Cleaners"
Thought I'd mention it Just in
case you've let your courtesy
turn tattlc gray and you'd like
to get il cleaned up a bit.
Has anyone thought of cali
ing them the "fearwayS"?
The pastor received the fol
lowing wire: Congratulations.
the deaconS have just voted
you a raise III salary" With
which the pastor groaned and
wired back: mo, no, am hav-
ing trouble trying TO raise what
you now pay me"
Am trying 10 sell the TV
industry story about a vege-
tartan who tries to kill his
wife by dropping white sugar
into her carrot and cocoanut
juice.
Dad arrived home from
hard days work at the office.
Nom met him at the door tear
fully with the discomforting
news that she was worried a
bout their teen-age son.
whats he gotl" asked dad an
xiously and MON replied: THE
car"
AS l usually do at this time
of the year I'm getting tired.
Think I'll 90 TO Mexico where
two men can do the work of
one.
There are three kinds of
people: the Wills who accom-
plish everything, the Won'ts
who oppose everything, and
the Giants who fail in every
thing.
Did you catch that recent
televiSion commercial, show
ing group of homing pigeons
attached by multI-colorcd rib
bonS to a moving 1857 automo-
bile, thus giving the impress
sion they were actually twoing
the car? First time I've seen 4
pigeon-towCd automobile.
Al Harrison can't understand
why he'll make a bank loan
and the bank will invariably
call him, claiming that they
need money" Adds Mr.. Har-
riSon: Gosh, if they don't have
any, they can't hardly expect
me to have any either"
Jerry Lewis says that an
actor isn't REALLY a ham un-
till he starts reciting Hamlet
as soon as the light of the re-
frigcrator hits him.
If a banker writes a bad
poem, nothing is done about it..
But just let a poet write a bad
check.
The ladies, bless them, don't
mind if the men continue ket-
ting their faces on our Currcn-
cy just as long as the ladies get
their hands on it.
Waiter to respondent young
man: "Do you want onions in
your hamburger" Young man:
Might as well. I'm unpopular
anyway"
George Shearing describes a
lazy man as one who has no
visible means Of support. His
wife is out of town Joe
Adams, KDAY's popular disc
jockey. points out that too
many girls who are admired
for their curves are diSliked
for their angles.
Ray Anthony walked along
Sunset boulevard following his
ABC-TV show and noticed
that many women shoppers arc
putting on Stacks and weight at
the same time.