The Petal paper. [volume] (Petal, Miss.) 1953-19??, 1956-12-20
Mr. Mencken Wrote .
Christmas Story

inch
horrifyng proofs that hell
masterpiece Fred Ammermeyers benevolent
attempt missionaryng; indeed his
umey by the force Of mere contrast the crude monang OF
his theological This idea seized him evening when he
dropped the Central Police Station the time of day with
old end police lieutenant VINO wa then the only known free
thinker Baltimore Christmas approaching and the
lieutenant unhappy and rbeious frame Of mind not
he objected orgies SUCH because he sought to
deny consoatons simply orey
always keeping order the annual
dinner by mased missions of
duty compelled him listen politely long
string of pious eXhoaons of them from he knew
to be whted sepulchres
he all goddam
hypocrtes keep poor waiting three hours while
they get off their goddam whimwham? Here hall full of
who amt had nothing speak eat for maybe three four days
and yet they have to set there smelling the turkey and the coffee
superintendent WCTU.
Ammermeyer it amt human More than have saw whole
them poor fain and had to send them
way wagon the chow circulated last and
they begin fighting the turkey bones they amt hardly got the
stuff before the superintendent and the sisters begin calling
stand whatever skuduggey they have
past with
anda around every Jack Of them knows that if
they don't lay plenty thick there encore of the
oets and stap and two times out Of three there amt no encore
psalm ngiest outside hell
give starving enough solid eedo last him until
Monday And damned drop drink Nothing but
coffee and without mk tell Mr. Ammemeye 1t makes
a blood boil"
Freds duly boiled By the next
the that for Christmas party Tor ou
parties buns under His plan for 1t
extremely simple The first obligation OF hospitality ne an
nounced somewhat prss find precisely what ones
guests shade of doubt for he man OF world
experience he had also the advice OF his friend the
recognized expert the psychology of the abandoned
they wanted much malt liquor as they
had the to buy It, Second
they wanted rhythmic all day and
night hungest and holowes bum was reduced 10
breathing cylinder of lung Third they
wanted not mere scency but otous uperuity the best
ed continuous entertainment and musical sort in
natural tastes and their station IN e
they complete freedom from evangelical
of whatever sort before during the secular
On this point laid special stress and every city edo
in Baltimore had expound in person was one OF
those city editors and well recall his great eaInesness'
indignation uncomfortable outrage ne
with criticism OF ms ways however wei
And it was an even greater TO call upon HIM TO
up public confess to all the fase steps OF Wat
been long and much troubled lfe freq was
said to give party that would all the bemhes OF the
parties staged by the Salvation Army the mission heps
outfits If cost him ms last cent ne
olive the huns Of Baltimore massive unfogettabe proof that
philanthropy by means monopoly Oh gospe shai
h highest deveonmnt in truth found freethlK-
might him his last cent if ne had gone II alone o
he by of wealth. but ms @
hardly cot out before swamped with offers OF ep eopoa
Borsch pledged barrels of schanhorst beer ana every
other rushed to match nm Inc
agents the Pennsylvania twor factories fought Tor tne
Of contributing the cigars poultry dealers OF Lexington es
Point Cross Street threw barrel ater paire u
them TAR conolon Inc iepeis y
boss bakers association not few Of mem ~
selves promised all the than two days DID, that all
the buns Of the Chesapeake could eat and the pubcre
Of the Celery Cranberry Trust the Saue
+ + .d DOZEN other such combinations eaped
at the chance !. -
cash for any part OF the cno" u mus
have been for the and salt the kecup con-
members of the Maryland Gamers
ton and with it they dozen cases OF oil pickles CHOW
mustard and the rent of the hall had to De
paid and not only paid paid advance Tor the owner
was Methodist and there were many other expenses OF
the walters and barendes mseoe and mmorees which
the hall Fred if he had desired might the free
herds of amateur musicians ana eocuonis "
be sn+ them aside ddainuy for his
guests strictly professional show The fact that puresque com
Continued On Page Five)