Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1956-09-19
Burr,ey's
Barney
BY Barney Glaxer

Los h1StieS housewife WnOSS
husband makes a good salary,
yet he forces her and their four
children to live in a tiny apart
ment. asked her: What
would you do IL your husband
suddenly loosened up and gave
you some more rope?" She
sighed YEARLY: 81 guess I'd
put up another clothesline in
the bathroom I'll never
visit a psychiatrist. No Stree.
I'm not handing over my hard
earned money every week so
that a stranger can ask me the
same questions my wife asks
me every day for nothing.
Man, oh man, what a woman
do to you with he: last word!
After a recent argument, 1
told my wife: Honestly, l
can't understand how I've
stayed married to the same
woman for "a years." and she
replied: You're right: after
the first two years, l was new
er the same can't stand
men who suddenly take on a
physical culture program and
insist on dragging me along for
the kick. II ever again one Of
those faddiStS asks me sneer-
ingly: And what is more plea
SAINT than a cold shower before
breakfast" so help me I'll tell
him-NO COLD SHOWER
BEFORE BREAKFASTw
/ had an awful bad weekend.
I was challenged to a fish fight
but managed to get out of it
gracefully. What would folks
think of me if they saw me
fighting with a woman who
was gray haired? once
lived next door TO a man who
played the trumpet all day long
until / couldn't stand il any
longer. l walked over to his
house and knocked vigorously.
He came to the door with the
trumpet dangling from his
hand and asked him serious
ly: What Kind of music are
you playing?" He replied:
Swing" so l suggested: You
ought to-" and went back
home.
why are you SO angry"
asked the pretty young girl. "A
man kissed me unexpectedly
on our first date, so l slapped
him. she replied angrily.
stop kidding yourself, young
lady" l volunteered, you may
be kissed sooner than you
think, but never unexpected
ly" He's an old-timc book
keeper and he has two sons.
one VINO is good. and the other
who is bad. Listen to the faith
or and he'll tell you: "Onc
boys an accountant and the
others a nO-aCCOuntant."
Gentlemen. try this home
cure for that severe headache.
If you do. your headache will
suddenly disappear and il will
feel like Your scalp is coming
off. All you do is To send your
wife a months vacation. and
1t wont really be your scalp
coming off. II will just be your
wife getting out OF your hair
Attention Mr.. and Mrs.
North America, and all YOU
parents at sea, Try 10 realize
that your childEcn grow up
sooner than you think. For cx-
ample, there was the Scout
master who observed a young
tenderfoot carrying an unbreI-
Ia In his pack and asked the
lade: son, unmbcllaS are not
standard Scout equipment.
What made you bring your"
The poor little kid asked
pleadingly: "Sir, didn't you
ever have a mother"
I'm sorry 10 report that we
still have many foolhardy per-
sons who insert q penny into
their homo electrical system
when they run out of fuses.
And they merely laugh when
they are warned they may
burn down their house. That's
why our government continues
to stamp pennies with the
words: I'm God We Trust" ..
Alright, so you're a salesman
and you think you're pretty
good. But business is bad and
your sales have dropped off. I.
Don't get panicky. Stop trying
to become an order takcr and
work harder than ever before
Before you start waiting a.
round for your ship to come in.
first you'd better send one out,