Evening star., 1955-11-20

He said, desperately hopefully 'Has Lisa been happy
here?"
The Headmistress smiled looking suddenly much
younger II think all our children are happy Mr.
Conroy. We try to give them the two things they need
most affection and discipline" As if his question had
helped her reach decision she stood up crossed the
room, opened door. If you'll wait in here, I'll have
Lisa brought down for few minutes"
He heSitated feeling the familiar panic grip him. the
fear of physical restraints that had upon him dur
ing those first dreadful months in the hospital the blind
unreasoning terror at the thought of having door
close on him. of being shut in. DR.. Bainbridge had
promised that some day this fear would leave him. as
his other problems had left him. But il was still there
He said, would you mind if = if left the door open
little?'
If she found this request strange, she did not
show il. do whatever makes you feel most comfort
able, MIR. Conroy."
He went in leaving the door slightly ajar 1t was
long, narrow room, paneed in some dark wood facing
courtyard where the November rain fell bleaky. The
furniture was oak, solid and uncompromising The
another door, closed
He put his hat down nervously on the polished sur
face of a table, then picked up again. How would
his child feel about him after all these months?
What would he say to her?
Unbidden, the scene rose up again in his mind the
scene he had tried often to forget, the last scene,
really in which he had any clear memory of Lisa at ALL
II had been hot summer night the quarrel started -
as so many had started - when he had objected to
Graces latest exravagance And il had followed the
grim, compusive pattern: accusation, Tecrimnaton,
fury where once there had been tenderness, ferocy
where once there had been love. On and on, until he
fed TO the tavern that was almost second home by
now, drank and drank until the jagged spnters inside
him lost their edges and reality faded and nothing mat
tered any more.
Then he had stumbled back to the apartment to find
Grace waiting for him. to mock him. TO eer what she
called his weakness lash him with her tongue until
kind Of madness came upon him. He had not offered
violence TO Grace; he had not thought Of touch
ing her But in his frenzy his drunken frenzy he had
smashed furniture and Mirrors had ripped down cur
tans had torn pictures from the wall. Until suddenly
door opened and Lisa was standing there Lisa, with
terror in her small face she looked upon the madman
who was her father. Lisa, who shrank away from
him, weeping
He took out handkerchief and blotted his forehead
To steady himself, he summoned up an image of DR..
Bainbridges strong. patient face made himself hear
again the calm, unhurred voice that had reached down,
down, down into the horrible pit where he had been
lying: You're in state hospital. Conroy rehabi-
tation program for people like you we're going to
cure you. Conroy but it viii take time time
EAnd then, later, when his mind was beginning
to function again: Your drinking wasn't caused by
overwork, Conroy, as you thought. Or by lack of will
power as your wife thought Actually the set Of
reasons that made you work so hard made you drink
too hard II was insecurity, going far back into your
childhood. Insecurity, plus marriage to woman who
failed to understand your needs when you needed her
rsarrf I st.se shatc cka'c