The guardian. [volume] (Boston, Mass.) 1901-1960, 1955-08-27
Lou S End
By Lou Mroz
THE MAJOR WAS A PHoNEY

This is the second in series Of Character
Sketches. There's one in every college and major
Pushman chose Boston College his place Of higher
learning
Come back with me to the year of 1916 while I
take you to Boston College registration day. We
find ourselves in line OF students that patiently
awaiting their turn to register for college.
The line that standing in is veterans line
and the passport to education is the GIL Bill bleSS
it, Every often somebody tries to Jump line" but
the cat calls and threats are sufficient to send that
man to the back Of the line"
1t is two hours later and we find ourselves very
close to the registration window CHANGING back we see
figure approaching closer and closer Within earshot
hear the figure saying ok you men, put out CT
garettes, and if you talk, keep it low" Immediately
the veterans who acknowledge discipline put out their
smokes and their conversations turn to whispers
In few seconds the voice of authority" enters
the building and gancing about the hallway his
eyes come to rest on door marked faculty smoking
room" He enters, and when he leaves the smoker he
takes place in the registration line directly in front
OF me- l, and handful of others suddenly realize
that this figure" is nothing more than student who
has used some initiative in Jumping line
on MS way back to his car he again addresses
the men in line and tells them to smoke at their lei
sure but not to discard the butts on the lawn Incl
oentaly the major was dressed in summer garb of
US Army officer without the insignias)) On the
hTsg DAY OF school the major" was dressed in the
summer uniform of naval officer (again without the
nSgnlas He had either served in the Army and NAVY
OF ne was the original walking war surplus store'
once IN while some of he men would hold abull
S~-N~NS NSSAp
tne stories OF his exploits and wasn't very long be-
lore we realized who the war and put up ali the
flIroy was here" signs all over the world
Unfortunately the major" couldn't remember one
lie from the next and began to contradict himself One
week he claimed to be in the PHILIPPINES on VIE Dav
ana the next week he would tell about the tonoh
ngntlng ne went through the German Rhine when
w Day arrived Whatever anybody could do the aaor
could do better One day local paper carried story
ABOUT some unidentified hero who raced into burn
ing building rescued an old lady, and then promptly
!oSt himself in the crowd The major" took the bows
Tor TINS act of herosm until somebody remembered
seeing MN in movie that night
On exam days the major" would sit bimss,t
sIstegcaly near brain" and then would proceed
70 pass the course" During an "anavtical eeoretr,
Exam Ihe brain" fouled up and in multplvng
eILes = got " as an answer (This math conrse
naue use OF many formulas and in copying the WORT
oie NUMBERS dont seem to mean anything more than
IunloIe OF numbers The major" copied this times
equals u boo-boo and the teacher thought IL
TlaV Two students could make the same mistaks
IAe major denied any fault in cheating and botL
iie ana the brain" were to take make nm evora
AnS4yClca geometry combined knowledge Of algahra
aiu geometry and as the major" knew NOTHING ebo+
OlieL ne oldnt show up for the exam He made Sonas
, ~ ABOUT leaving school due to poor health ond
0 v5IaI ne intended to organize safari to Africa
80 wherever major" Pushman is located Won con
OV your potion dollar that history is being rewr+t
Move over Davy Crockett s Ae"IiVIen'