Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1955-08-03

Her daughter Jane, IS, wanted
to go on an evening swimming
party at the beach with a group
Of boys and girls. Mrs. B., trying
to be reasonable, suggested the
party be held in the afternoon
rather than in the evening when
it soon would be getting dark.
That's when Jane came back at
her, ooh Nom, all the other kids
are allowed to. I don't see why
I have to be the only one who
can't 60. Gee!"
She Called Others.
Mrs. B. brooded about it, not
wanting to be a restrictive par
ent, and finally picked up the
telephone and called Mrs. R.,
the mother Of one of the other
girls. She was quiet surprised
by what she heard. my good
ness. my husband and I don't
approve Of 1t at all!" Mrs. r
exclaimed. "Why, we thought
we were the only ones who felt
that way-and we were about to
say yes to our Martha just be-
cause We didn't want to be the
only ones to hold back!"
Subsequent phone calls to Mrs.
p. and Mrs. w. indicated that
they. too, did not approve Of an
evening beach party at all but
were about to be pressured into
it because each parent felt that
she was all alone in her views.
The beach party was changed
from evening to afternoon (and
all the youngsters had q wonder
full time).
But suppose individual par
entS do stand alone? Suppose
there is something all the other
kids are allowed to do, but for
your own reasons you feel that
your child should not?
We're Not Sheep.
Here Is q chance for children
to learn that human beings are
not sheep. Later in life there
will be many times when they
won't be able to do what every
one else does-perhaps for a.
nancial reasons, perhaps for
health reasons. An occasional
childhood experience which pre-
pares them for missing out on
something once in a while can
actually be constructive prepara-
ton for life.
Strategy No. begging and
pleading.-Every parent knows
what this is but perhaps doesn't
realize that it is a natural STRAIT
egg Of children. Begging and
pleading is simply a testing op-
Grafton. II the child cannot shat
ter parental opposition in q
single blow, he simply attempts
to gain the same objective by
abrasion.
Sometimes the preferred form
Is a play on sympathy. The par
ent is made to feel. IF you say
no it will mean you don't really
love me-" A parent who truly
loves his child lets this bounce
of harmlessly. But a parent
who has doubts about his love
may easily succumb to it.
Sometimes the nagging ap-
proach Is preferred. Here the
hope is that incessant begging
and pleading will be too much
for the parent to bear and he
will give in. Some parents al
low nagging to reach the point
of sheer torture. An effective
defense against it is to label
1t; make it clear to the child
that he Is nagging, and, if he
continues, the nagging will have
to be handled as an offense I'M
itself.
Watch Those Promises
The begging and pleading stra-
tegy may also take the form of
Turing the parent into q prom
Use. The child asks for some
thing in an unguarded moment
when the parent will say yesI
and then throws 1t back at the
parent later with the passion
ate allegation, you promised!"|
This gambit would get a child
into gobs Of trouble later on III
he were encouraged in it; the
parents job is to make clear
just what a promise is and, Of
course. to make none he is not
prepared to keep.
STRATEGY No. 3-"You did when
you were young" Most parents.
when they were young, did many
of the things which they now
don't want their children to do.
They stayed out later than they
should have. They did thingsI
which they now consider ter
ribly dangerous. And surely
there were times when mischief
was done and the gravest rules
were broken. They probably
even thought their own par
entS were killjoys and SPOIL
sports
But--what parent believes he
knew more when he was AMI
adolescent than he does today?
Today he recognizes that though
he did certain things, that
doesn't make them right (and|
he remembers how his own par
ents objected). II he is wise
he win further recognize that
1t Is q youngsters place to want
TO stretch and break the rules,
and IL is q parents place to-