Evening star., 1955-10-09

pride. one's false ambitions, ones mask.
ones armor. Was that armor not put
on to protect one from the competitive
world? II one ceases TO compete. does one
need 1t? Perhaps one can at last In mid
die age. II not earlier. be completely one
self. And what liberation that would bel
It ID true that the adventures Of youth
are less open to us. Most Of US cannot,
at this point, start q new career or raise
new family. Many Of the physical. ma
terial, and worldly ambitions are less at
tainable than they were 20 years ago.
But is this not often relief? II no
longer worry about being the belle of
Newport" q beautiful woman, who had
become q talented artist, once said to
me. And always liked that Virginia
Woolf hero who meets middle age ad-
mitting: Things have dropped from
me. have outlived certain desires
am not 50 gifted as at one time seemed
likely. Certain things lie beyond my
scope. shall never understand the
harder problems Of philosophy. Rome is
the limit of my travelling I. ! shall never
see savages in Tahiti spearing fish by
the light Of blazing cresset, or q lion
spring in the jungle. or naked man eat
ing raw flesh )" (Thank Godl you can
hear him adding under his breath.)
The primitive. physical. functional pat
tern Of the morning Of life, the active
years before 40 or SO, Is outlived. But
there Is still the afternoon opening up,
which one can spend not In the feverish
pace Of the morning but In having time
at last for those intellectual, cultural.
and spiritual activities that were pushed
aside In the heat Of the race. We Ameri-
cans, with our terrific emphasis on youth,
/, action, and material success, certainly
tend to belittle the afternoon Of life and
even to pretend 1t never comes We push
the clock back and try to prolong the
morning. overreaching and overstraining
ourselves in the unnatural effort. We do
not succeed, Of course. We cannot COM
pete with our sons and daughters And
what a struggle It Is to race with these
overactive and under-wise adults In
our breathless attempts we often miss
the Towering that waits for afternoon.
For Is It not possible that middle age
can be looked upon as period Of sec
ond Towering. second growth, even a
kind Of second adolescence? It Is true
that society in general does not help one
accept this Interpretation Of the second
half OF life. And therefore this period
of expanding is often tragically mis-
understood. Many people never climb
above the plateau Of 4o-to-50. The signs
that presage growth. so similar, 1t seems
to me. to those In early adolescence:
dfscontent. restlessness. doubt. despair,
longing. are interpreted falsely as signs
Of decay. In youth one does not as
often misinterpret the signs: one ac-
cepts them, quite rightly. as growing
pains. One takes them seriously. listens
to them, follows where they lead. One is
afraid. Naturally. Who is not afraid OF
pure space-that breath-taking empty
space Of an open door? But despite fear,
one goes through to the room beyond.
But In middle age. because Of the false
assumption that 1t Is period Of decline,
one interprets these life-signs, paradox
cally, as signs Of approaching death. In
stead Of facing them. one runs away; one