The coastland times., 1955-12-16
@ L I'm P S E S
7 n & P A S T
By CAROLYN LLOYD

Would you like to, learn to
"shake when you laugh like bowl
full of jelly, or how to twinkle,
or how to wear full white beard
and red suit? Then enroll in
Charles w. Howard's Santa Claus
School in Albion, New York. You
would have to go in October, and
you would have six days of inten-
sive training in class of fifteen
prospective Santas.
This information l received from
a magazine, practical English,
which my pupils read and enjoy
weekly. We We're surprised to learn
that not just anybody with a yen
to play Santa Claus is considered
good material. The school, which
trains men for work in department
stores, trains men from all walks
of life but does not consider pro-
fessional actors good material, as
they take the Santa jobs just to
make money, not because they love
the work.
One thing that every student
must learn is Clement C. Moore's
"The Night before Christmas"
since all the training is based upon
the description of Santa given in
the poem. The most important part
of the poem is that Santa has
''eight tiny reindeer, and the stu
dent must know the names of
each. The students listen to lee
lures by an authority on reindeer,
who actually brings live animals
to class to illustrate the lesson.
The Santa Claus suit designed
by Mr.. Howard is a thing of art,
designed to make the wearer look
fat enough without padding. Mr..
Howard warns his students against
wearing inflated suits, since he
himself once wore one with EN-
barrassing results. One day when
he was playing Santa Claus in a
department store, small boy came
and sat on his knee. Suddenly the
dear little boy turned and plunged
a knife into Santa's bulging mid
die. with a sickening hiss, the
story relates, "all the air rushed
out of the inflated pillow around
his waist, and Mr.. Howard seemed
to lose about fifty pounds in a big
hurry" The child's mother tainted
and well she might. Any kid who
would stick a knife in Santa Claus
would be a pretty uncomfortable
character to have around the nouse,
as he might be tempted 70 so 20
work on the real article.
The speaking voice is carefully
noted before applicants to the
school are accepted. A Santa with
Southern drawl lasted only two
days in a Detroit department store.
He couldn't fool those little old
Yankee chillun. Even more impor-
tant than the voice are the eyes.
Santa just must have a twinkle,
and classes in "twinkling" are held.
| (Have you ever stood before a mir
ror and tried to twinkle? Better
not until you are sure all the fam
lily are safely at the movies.) If a
fellow just can't twinkle, he is al
lowed to squint. (You know, like
Clark Gable.)
The school has graduating exer-
cises and diplomas are awarded.
After his first seasons work, Santa
may receive a silver pin in the
form of a chimney, and for every
year thereafter something is added
to the pin, until after twenty-five
years of service a small ruby is
set in the fireplace that marked the
fifteenth year. 1t would be inter-
esting to know how many men have
lasted through that many years of
coping with the department store
rush.
If anyone is sufficiently in
trigued with the idea of becoming
a professional Santa Claus, these
are the qualifications for which Mr..
Howard looks: the applicant must
have the true spirit of Christmas,
like the work, and like children and
people in general; he should have
blue eyes and a full mace; should
be of medium height Is ft. 6 inches
to six feet) and should weigh be-
tween 185 to $50 pounds. Seems to
me he should also have a good suit
of armour-that boy with the
knife might not be the only one.
who didn't get bike last Christ