The Catholic times. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1951-current, 1955-10-28
Just Among Ourselves
Passing Comment Considered or tneensidsrsts

Oliver Wendell Holmes, the elder the poet
and Autocrat of the Breakfast Table, once wrote,
You may set down as truth which admits of
few exceptions that those who ask your opinion
really want your praise"
OWN. was talking, of course, of people who
ask your opinion of theil works and pomps, OF
their appearance, of their achievements. He
might have gone on to say that those who ask
your opinion about events situations really
want one of three things; ts) confirmation Of
their own opinion; (b) chance to air their own
opinion or tc) an argument
II seems, then that it is truth which ad
mits of few exceptions" that people who ask
your opinion are to be handled warly, since
their approach is suspect They are not simple
questioners; they are only making an approach;
they have an uterior object in view.
We'll" says Jones' displaying his new car,
or his new suit, or letter of praise from his
boss. what do you thnF of it?'h Naturally, you
are not going to hurt the, feelings of happy
man: you tell Jones that the car or the suit or
The letter is great" Nor are you telling lie
no matter what your objective opinion is; for
anything is great that can give honest and inno.
cent pleasure to person But, if you really do not
like what Jones displays, you wisely refrain
from detailed comment.
DR. Johnson felt that when author showed
him his work and asked his opinion of it. he was
not bound to express his true mind For, said he,
asking another's opinion of your composition is
putting him TO the torture: il is usually case
of compelling him either to hurt your feelings
or to tell lies. He can lawfully squirm out of
the situation by an evasion. He can say what
You show him is interesting or intriguing; he
may even say il is amazing; II could be any or
all of these without being Of high quality And,
tento one, you are pleased with his comment,
@F*
"fs that poetry?" cried one versifier, writhing
with JOY and satisfaction as Johnson read
ing his lines "Is that. Pndar? Is that poetry,
sir?" Well" said the Doctor 1--WE have here a
great deal of what is called poetry
Have we not all, or nearly all, had experience
of the friend who asks, with full candor and
humility, the benefit Of our opinion2 "Now
want you TO tell me honestly just what you
think of this Don't be afraid OF hurting my feel
ings. Speak plainly and even harshy if need
be- | can stand that. But do want your frank
opinion" All beware, beware Don't you give
any frank opinion! II you value the friendship
OF this friend, il you cherish your own peace
of mind, brush off this assignment somehow,
and deliver no opinion.
Mind you the friend who asks your opinion
say, for instance of speech that he has writ
ten for public delivery, and of which he wishes
your preliminary notion---is almost certainly sin
cere and humble and honest in his approach.
He does not know his own inner deeps until a
critic unwisey stirs them up by adverse COM
ment He is prepared, albeit unconsciously, to
resent the criticism he asks for. He is inwardy
ready to be hurt by anything short of whole
hearted and enthusiastic appreciation.
Says Mr.. A. TO Mr.. B., please listen while
run through a little speech have prepared for
the Bull Moose convention next week. I'll take
II As real favor II you will point out anything
in the composition or delivery that needs cor
rection Just speak your true thoughts; don't
try to soften your criticism; deal with the thing
effectively without any consideration of per-
sonalities or feelings" Alas for poor Mr.. B. He
consents TO hear the speech. He puts up an es-
tablished friendship for sudden destruction.
And so Mr. A. delivers his speech Mr. b.
listens in agony He feels that the whole thing is
silly He doesn't care for his friend in the role
OF orator. He would like to advise Mr.. A. to
call the event off. But he just sits and listens
and suffers. Afterwards he gives words of hol-
low praise And then, and then--he commits the
objectionable offence of doing what he was
earnestly requested to do: he offers small
criticism
There is one thing I'd like to say. and |
think ought to say" declares Mr.. B., nwardly
wishing that he had not heard the COMPOUNDED
speech "and that is this: you have, it seems to
me, slight tendency to swallow final sylIables;
your voice suddenly fades out at the end of
each sentence. In this and in some other in
stances | notice want of clear articulation "
There Mr.. B has said it. Now Mr.. A. won't
think him an insincere softie, but true and
candid friend who speaks his mind.
But Mr.. A. sees the matter differently. He
feels slow burn yelling up within him. He
controls himself with manifest effort ITS
strange you should say that" he says for
have always prided myself on my articulation
My speechteaeher in college said mine was the
tearest enuncaton he ever heard have many
speech.faults | know, but surely bad articula
ton is not one of them Tell me | can't com
pose speech tell me lack the grace of smooth
delivery; tell me | mispronounce words and II
agree with you But don't tell me / do not enun
ciate clearly for I know better"
And there is end Of long and beautiful
friendship. Oliver Wendell Holmes was right
those who ask your opinion really want YOU