Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1954-06-13
CONTINUED From First Page,

A pattern Of overcoming crises.
rather than letting them get you
down. viii have been established.
Divorce figures tell the story
of the danger years. Nearly so
per cent of all divorces occur
within the first seven years of
marriage. Thereafter. there Is a
steady drop. Couples married 10
years account for less than half
the divorces Of those married i've
years. and the figure drops nearly
to half again for those married
is years. After 20 years Of mar
riage the risk of divorce drops
to about one-f1fth of what it was
in the first five years.
In Milwaukee, the Family
Service Agency tabulated the ages
of people who came to them with
snagged marriages and found
that 70 per cent were between
the ages of 81 and Al, with 40
per cent being married less than
six years.
Just what happens to sully the
dream?
"The personality problems
which the couple brought into
their marriage are bound to come
out. Certain classic adjustments
have to take place in those first
seven years." declared Thelma
Whalen, director of the Family
Service of Dallas, Tex.
Face Four Adjustments.
Here are four classic adjust
mentS" which most couples face:
/. Falling out of love. This
means falling out of romantic
love and actually into real love.
1t means abandoning the ideal
lied picture of the girl at her
best, forever dressed for a date
with her hair prefectly coifed,
eyes deity Swallowed and nails
Shining-and the boy a paragon
Of courtesy and wit, willing to
empty his wallet for orchids.
Annoying habits Cboth are
bound to have Some) must be
frankly looked overland then
overlooked. Even the appealing
boyishnesS that made a man
attractive during courtship may
seem like immaturity later on.
This, too, must be faced. A girls
seductive weakness may later
seem like leaning and depend
ency. Or her captivating strength
may later appear sitting and
domineering.
2. Income management. In
this classic adjustment. it is not
only a question Of who holds the
money. but what should be done
with it. How much should be
spent, how much saved? Is a
vacation trip more important
than having the house painted?
The going will be difficult, inev-
itably, for nine couples out of
ten until they get together on
just what they value in life, what
they want to pursue and, specif-
ically, how they're going to use
each dollar to pursue it. The free,
unilateral choice of the individ-
ual is no more.
3. Children. It is easy for a
child to become the storm center
for everything mother and father
disagree on. A classic adjustment
must be made here. too. It is
more than simply who gets up
for the 4 o'clock feeding
(though storms have been raised
over this). The problem is the
fusion Of two personalities, so
that the family emerges as a unit !
and not as two rival camps.
often parents on the brink Of a
marriage crackup blame their
problems on children. not real
izing that children are but the
focus of their problems. A har-
monious mother and father
rarely have discordant child.
4. Sex appeal. The adjust
ment of humans to monogamy
is another classic challenge; for
some people it has never been
easy. Many marriages founder
because man or wife, formerly
able to revel in attracting others !
and being attracted, find that
the sparks just don't stop flying |
after the marriage vows.
Adjustment here means grow
ing out of emotional adolescence.
Psychiatrically it means over
coming the need to prove sexual
proves (for the mani or attrac-
tiveneSs (for the woman. I
Morally it means accepting the
responsibilities of the married
state, as adults must in the world
of reality.
Marriage Not Easy.
All these adjustments. and
others, are difficult. But it is only
a fiction at best. and at worst a
fraud. that marriage is an easy
thing. Perhaps the rewards of
happy marriage would not be so
great if they were come by with
less difficulty. Perhaps, too. more
men and women would keep
striving for those rewards if they
didn't think every pitfall was the
worlds end-or that their mar
riage was the only one with pit
falls.
Every family agency has a
sheaf of cases like that of Mrs.
II n