Tabor City tribune. (Tabor City, N.C.) 1946-1991, 1954-04-07
Cariea allure by Xavier Cuee

During more than a quarter of
a century of agile newshawking
I've never seen a collision between
two midget automobiles, which
makes me wonder if the mighty
midgets employ an inner sanctum
code never to pick on anyone their
own size A friendship clever
housewife suggests a solution for
this nations surplus butter prob
lem: why not use it as a substi-
tute for oleo?" With so many
esoteric substances being added
to toothpastes such as ammoniated
mixes, anti-enzymes, chlorophyll,
CLIO and anconic sulfonates, soon
there won't be any room left for
the common household item which
makes the paste foam, or didden-
youknow you've been washing out
your mouth with soap twice a
day?
A local housewife gave her be-
loved yokemate a birthday gift
two weeks in advance of his natal
day but she wrapped the package
in a notice which warned omin-
ously: Don't open before your
birthday" Curiosity won the battle
of nerve, and the thrill-busting
husband opened the box to dis
cover tape recorder which, when
started, blared forth his wife's
reprimand: Wise guy! Trouble
maker! Doomkopp! Didn't l tell
you not to open this package be-
for your birthday" There
is no denying the absorption of our
children's rcSourceful and shrewd
minds, viz Mike, the 412-year-old
progeny of beginning James M.
Alotis, who was advised that the
day he would be flying to Mars
but who quickly corrected his dit
ing but erring parent: mo l won't.
Mrs. is dying planet
Life's stern reality is the hus-
band who "breaks up" his marri-
age and then sorely wants to
make up" This is pointed out
more clearly in a tune being play
ed by our radio station which is
aptly titled: "You Didn't Want Me
When You Had Me So Why Do
You Want Me Now" 1t happened
to you, too? . . Night life: the
smiling and blissfully drunk
gentleman asleep under the sing.
Brew 1902" with the "B" unlit.
Rue his brew? Excited teen
ager was giften with her own tele-
phone at the ripe old ago Of sweet
sixteen. Where the parental battle
cry used to be: "Your S minutes
are up" the warning tactics have
been magnified to-: you've been
talking for 80 minutesw With a
postscript form the youngsters
father: 81 extend deep sympathy
and understanding. From one who
has been reprieved to my daugh-
ter's new second party"
It's Sunday every day for Mrs.
CranSton because that's her name:
Sunday CranSton Sophomore
excuse of the week with the sub
tie effect of stepping on the bust
ness end of rake)-motorist to
motorcop: II always hurry through
intersections TO get out of the way
of all those reckless drivers"
Avast there, Bill Kennedy: I read
your columnar item AGAINST
pink shirts so I bought one to
satisfy my pulsing blood line. Cool
cube kid, I'm strictly in the pink
and may be seen any dav SWIM
ming upstream on the Frceway
like poetry in motion during peak
traffic hours. And just to prove
there are no flies on me, Bill. I
hear that you're FOR pink tights.
Cagey. huh? AS American as
buckwheat cakes is the brief de-
scription of those swell movies
which expose communism: THEY'RE
in 3-D-mocracy.
Brevity on the police station
blotter is this description of a
bookkeeper: Give feet.
six inches tall, and $4,000 short"
. Let's not argue about il. bows.
but George p. Haasle is an insur-
ance adjuster Somebody
the 81" out of 81 ,oan" on