Evening star., 1954-06-20
Divorce Granted
By Howard Whitmon
Seventh Of O Series.

Seventh OF Series.
When parents break up. chill
dren often are regarded as prop
erty. They are bargained over,
parceled out: compromises are
made over visitation. Each par
ent goes. to great lengths to
assert his or her rights. But
what about the child's right in
the family picture? What about
the child's inalienable right to
have-as God provided in the
scheme Of things mother and
o father?
Is 1t enough to award" the
child to the best parent, with
perhaps a part-time arrange
ment for the other parent, and
to see that money Is provided
for his upbringing?
Richard H. Wells, chairman Of
the Committee on Improvement
Of Family Laws Of the New York
Bar Association, put the answer
this way: mo financial pro-
visions will compensate q child
for the loss Of q father or mother
from the family circle. The
child whose image Of his father
is merely that Of a casual visitor
bringing gifts with him has
suffered a loss for which not
even the most generous none
tary settlement can compensate. I"
Child Needs Both Parents.
Is there really any !"best" par
ent In the child's eyes? Custody
awards are made on adult
judgment; such matters as
responsibility, sobriety, moral
stability, and finances are taken
into account. A child rarely
values a parent in these terms.
AS one family counselor pointed
out, "A man may be very poor
husband, but he may be we'll
4OfCU 1lS uIC 4Al CAIC S1lAAO CJCo'
Divorces which are explained
away as being "best for the
children" are often anything
but that. It is best for the chill
dren to have two parents to be
loved by and to love. In divorce
they cannot escape the feeling
that at least one has abandoned
them, or. perhaps worse, that
one parent has deprived them
of the other.
Psychologically this can be
worse than the shock resulting
from a parents death.
Judge Edward F. Waite, of
Minneapolis, has declared,
"When from any cause the total
duties of parenthood fall upon
a single parent the child loses
something valuable; but his dis
advantage is plainly greater
when the loss occurs through
death or necessary absence.
because of the psychological dis
turbance incident to an atmos-
phere of domestic discord."
Loyalty Involved.
It Is not only the marriage
which is torn apart; 1t is the
child's emotional self along with
1t. Which parent will he side
with? Which will get his loyalty
Which will he feel guilty about
because he is disloyal? How
can he split up his loyalty If a
Stepparent enters the picture?
When delegates went to Lisbon
for a meeting Of the Interna-
tional Union of Family Organ
izations a few years ago they saw
a Swiss poster prominently dis
played. 1t showed a child with
a line drawn through it, and
beneath was the caption, .You
cannot divide child" Not
physically, but you divide q
child deep down inside when
you divide his parents.
Children tell the story better
in their own words than anyone
else could tell it. Here are some
samples:
Johnny: How come my
daddy only loves me on week
ends? Other kids daddies love
them every day"
Jane: MY mother hates my
daddy. She wants me to hate
him, too"
Susan: IF had two parents
like the other girls do, could
love both of them. I think dc
love both of them but not at the
same time"
Emotional WarDing.
Judge William D. Cochran
formerly of the circuit bench in
Kentucky, has called the court
battles over children nothing
but a legalized method of pro-