Evening star., 1954-12-05
Problems Todoy
False Ideas
Will Breed
Conflict
By MurieI Nissen

q bit of salvaging even If it
isn't headed directly for the
divorce courts. From the first
quarrel. competent steering is
needed to prevent further and
more serious breakdowns.
How to recognize the danger
, signals and how to handle them
is the subject of a 25-cent
pamphlet by Sylvanus and Eve
lyn Duvall, published by the
Public Affairs Committee, %
East 38th street, New York
City. It's title is Saving Your
Marriage" It will prove valua-
BILE reading to any one having
q marital problem.
The authors point out that a
good deal of domestic strife
results from false premises.
False ideas of romance, for
instance, cause plenty of un-
necessary trouble. Some peo-
pie get the idea from movies,
novels and soap operas that If
a couple truly love each other
their marriage will be one glor-
iouS romance. To them it's
unthinkable that people in love
should ever quarrel. This little
piece of misapprehension is,
Of course, nonsense. Very few
couples ever go through life
with nary a disagreement; oc-
casional conflict is completely
normal.
Whot to Do About Upsets
The wise approach Is to ac-
knowledge the fact that since
even the happiest couples run
into occasional trouble, the
problem is what to do about
these differences when they oc-
cur. There are many causes
for marital upset, the most
frequent being money, sex diff
ferences, social adjustments,
religious questions and in-laws.
In some few cases the differ
ences are really serious enough
to seem to be a problem that
is well nigh impossible Of solu-
ton. But often they can be
discussed, frankly acknowl-
edged as problems, and solved
sensibly.
When the conflict is of grave
Importance, one or more Of
these steps Is suggested:
/. Work things out for your
self. In order to do so you
should know something about
the technical problems in
volved, so study up on them.
2. You may have an unusu-
ally wise and understanding
friend with whom you can
consult. This is admittedly
risky. Consult only a friend
who will not hesitate to dis
agree with you. Avoid one who
only confirms you in your own
feelings.
8. Go to a wiser neutral ad-
wiser, like a clergyman. doctor
or lawyer. Here again you run
some risk. These professional
men often may lack the time
or ability to help you ade-
quately with your problem.
4. Consult the Family Serv-
ice Bureau. Most cities Of any
size have an agency that Of
fers skilled help on marriage
and family problems. They
have variable fee scales and
are used by people of all in
come and educational levels.
5. Consult a competent
marriage counselor. This may
not be easy since they aren't
found in too many localities.
Your local Counsel of Social
Agencies will help you locate
the nearest one.
Worth So Much
One of these suggestions Is
within your reach. If your
marriage is rocky, it's worth
any amount of trouble to save
tt. Simple problems can be
evacuated without calling on
outside aid, but with an entel-
igent, considerate approach.
Major problems should be
taken to experienced mar
riage counselors. The impor-
tant thing is to make the most
Of whatever resources are
available to you. Saving a
marriage Is worth all the time,
money and devotion you can
invest. And most marriages
certainly can be saved, both
from divorce and from the
constant dissension that too
often characterizes husbands
and wives.
Write Muriel Nisse1s for free
leGfet D-2, "DiDorces-SepGrG-
tions." In all cases, be sure to
ta,close a stamped. sett-dd-
dressed envelope and send re-
quest to her, care of The EDep-
ing Star.