Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1954-06-17
Fifth Of q Series.

because the misery Is not so
much in the marriage as it is in
the individuals themselves. Since
they cannot divorce their own
personalities they take the
misery right along with them
into the next marriage, and the
next. Thus the partners. instead
of both being miserable under
one roof, are miserable under
two roofs.
The weight Of evidence favors
their staying together and work.
ing out their personality prob
lens, rather than trying to run
away from something that is
within them.
Bring Only Unhappiness.
There are, Of course, success
full remarriageS. But they are the
exception, not the rule. AS DIR.
Abraham Stone. noted New York
marriage counselor. put it.
Occasionally o new life opens
up In another marriage, but
generally the easy divorce -
jumping into it without real
efforts to save the marriage
brings only unhappiness. The
unhappineSs Of the divorced
woman is one Of the tragedies Of
our times. and for the man it Is
equal although he usually doesn't
feel it as deeply until later on"
This is the pattern, as Stats
tical surveys reveal it:
A study Of Iowa and Missouri
divorce records by Thomas p.
Monahan in 1852 showed that
'remarriages are not as endur-
ing as first marriages and the
probability of divorce rises with
each successive marriage" In
Iowa, remarriages following
both death and divorced account |
for one-sixth of all marriages. |
Yet remarked persons account
for one-fourth of all divorces.
Sociologist Paul H. Lands, in
a study based on 1850 census
data. concluded that remar-
riages are about so per cent less
stable than first marriages.
And the dean of statisticians,
Louis I. Dublin. former statisti-
cal chief at the Metropolitan
Life Insurance Co., reports not
only that remarked people have
a high divorce rate but that
"the frequency of divorce rises
substantially with each success
sive marriage"
Can't Divorce a Neurosis.
The unacceptable conclusion is
that in most cases (there are
exceptions, to be sure) divorcing
and remarrying is a dubious
progress from the frying pan
into the fire. -.
THE reason is that such peo-
pie usually go right on picking
the same kind of mate" declared
Ruth Joyner. case work director
at the Family Service of Mem
phis. Tenn. "They picked the
first wife or husband to compile
ment certain needs-usually ne
gative needs-and when this
marriage fails they pick some
one else to I'LL the same needs"
These are known as the ere
peaters," the chronic divorce
and remarriage cases who seem
caught in some kind of matri-
monial treadmill. The treadmill
is, of course. their own person.
alities. They run and run, but
still they are in the same place.
Thus DR.. Edmund Bergler of
New York concludes, 1.-THE neu-
rotic conflicts in marriage should
be treated psychiatrically and
not in divorce courts" AS many
disappointed individuals even
tually discover. you can divorce
O spouse but not neuroSis.
Here are typical case exam
Piles:
Mr.. S., a successful architect,
must always marry a girl who
will make life difficult for him.
He has divorced two who were
spendthrifts, self-seeking, driv-
ing females-and now is about
to marry a third who is the
same.
Supported Husbands.
Miss c. started out as de-
signer. She married a young
boy she had to support, finally
divorced him when he refused
to work. She made a success of
her career and found herself
with huge earnings. This time
she married a playboy-and put
him on an allowance. Another
divorce. She is now seriously
deciding, for her third marriage,
between a struggling playwright,
whom she would have to support,
and a penniless promoter who
has gone through the fortunes OF
two previous wives.
Sometimes they don't even
shop around for a new partner
but simply remarry the same one.
In Chicago, Circuit Court Judge
Julius H. Miner related, Zone
couple specifically asked if they
could have their marriage cere-
mony performed by me. When
they appeared, I recognized them
as q couple had divorced just
two weeks before"
The repeat pattern is frequent
with the wives of alcoholics,
Sometimes they divorce and re-
marry the same man; often they
divorce one alcoholic and then
marry another and sometimes
another. They can't seem to get
out of the pattern.
Psychiatrists supply the rea-
sons: The woman who marries
an alcoholic often is the martyr
type. She has an unconscious
need to suffer; she likes to be
the poor, self-sacrificing victim
whom other people can feel