The Key West citizen., 1954-06-18
By AULp eLoorlE

has the uncanny knack Of resolv-
ing the humdrum into the momen-
tous, and the momentous into the
humdrum. For example, if Bill is
given a ten pound fish to supple
ment the diet of the inmates of
the local calaboose he reacts as if
the fish has portentous qualities.
The fish Immediately becomes
something more than q fish - it
becomes 4 problem! BY employing
the q priori method of deductions
Bill strips the poor fish of all Of
its nutritive values. It becomes, in
stead, an agent for intricacies, un-
rest, petty jealousies, and the di-
rect instigator Of hypocrisy.
And what is the final, .all-impor-
tant disposition of this poor fish
that Bill has so masterfully resolv-
ed into problem Of the first mag
nitude? It is thrown into the gar
bage pail "unwept, unhonored and
un-ate." Y-rf>
The Merits ef limbvrssr Cheese !.
Auld Clootie does not resent the
burden of the unidentified problem
that our local John ]. Anthony has
foisted on my broad shoulders. It
is the analogy that he has made
involving Limburger cheese that l
find repulsive. Limburger cheese
is a dairy product relished by
countless good Americans. Wiscon-
sin, the Dairy State, produces 4
great quantity of Limburger cheese
for the American consumer. The
Junior Senator from Wisconsin,
Mccarthy, will not be pleased
when he hears that you have ap-
piled the unAmerican label of
Sinking" to 4 wholesome Wiscon-
sin product derived from honest,
cud-chewing American cows.
Limburger- cheese does not stink,
Mr.. Glib. You may say Of it that
it has a certain aroma that is un-
pleasant to some over-sensitive
nostrils but to attach the blanket
indictment Of "stinking" to Linn
burger cheese is tantamount to the
accusation that countless good Am
ericans can't differentiate between
a repulsive "stench" and . delec-
table "aroma." Limburger cheese
should not be portrayed as some
thing repulsive. After all, you must
consider the COW. The cow has q
proud heritage in our American
culture. She has sacrificed much
to promote our health and we'll
being. ALI that this poor dumb ami
NAL deserves is our appreciation.
When we mock one Of the products
derived from her life-giving fluid
as "stinking" we are perpetrating
a terrible injustice on this lovable
bovine. "Her's not to wonder why,
hers but to milk quite dry!"
The Psyehiatrist Versus Bill Glib
Bill Glib has stressed in his
column that he would be 4 fit sub
ject for q psychiatrist since he Is
so greatly misunderstood by others.
Now, now, Bill. A competent psy-
chiatrist wouldn't touch you with
ten-foot pole. The reason you give
as qualifying you for psychiatric
treatment is not acceptable as .
valid reason for undergoing psy-
chiatric treatment. A person must
have a mental quirk or aberra-
ton of some kind if he is to be the
recipient of mental hygiene. But you
are not that fortunate. You are en-
tirely normal. Anyone that deals
with fish and with Limburger
cheese as you have is operating
well within the bounds of nor
malcy. There is no hope for you,
Bill. You are much too sane to
ever accomplish anything. BY your
own admission, you have establish
ed willingness to act the role Of
the hyprocrite. By your own ad-
mission, you have established the
fact that your fear Of social and
financial consequences make you
abide with those standards repre-
sentative Of the Status quo"
These admissions establish you as
a perfectly ordinary human being.
As such, you do not rate the ser
vices of a psychiatrist.
However, don't permit Auld Cloo-
tie to dismay you. Continue striv-
ing, keep pushing and some day,
who knows, you may wind up on
the couch!
AULD CLOoTIE.