Evening star., 1953-03-16
Modern
Marriage
Jealousy
Jeopardy
To Marriage
RM Dr. Paul Pnnannn
By Dr.. Paul Popenoe

Women who are burning with
jealousy, jeopardizing their mar
riages by tantrums and driving
their husbands to the verge of
insanity almost invariably start
any discussion of their obseSsion
with, "Of course, I'm not jealous
but -" The queer thing about
1t is that, although everyone
else can see how the land lies.
the victim fully believes what
she says. Mrs. G. is one Of those
persons who is fooling herself.
I'm not a jealous wife" she
asserts, ''but I'm a neglected wife,
and I have just about reached
the limit of tolerating it. My
husband has time for all his
cronieS, or for any kind of a
business deal. and he is never
too busy to drive his stenog-
rapher home if it's raining: but
he has no time for me. When
I call his attention to this he
says I'm nagging him. Why
doesn't he stop doing the things
that make me nag him?"
The above is an extract from
a long letter that drips jealousy,
and I have to say to you, Mrs.
G., in reply to your question, that
I doubt if your husband could
possibly stop making you jealous
in your present state of
mind. If he were to arrange
to be within your sight every
minute of the day, you might
concede that he was tempo
rarily guiltess; but you'd suspect
he had some ulterior motive for
being so.
Let's face it, Mrs. G. You are
. afflicted with marital jealousy,
a form of sickness that makes
not only the victim miserable
but can kill every vestige Of
happiness for the mate. That is
what you are doing to your hus-
band and you're trying to con-
ceal your disease under a cloak
of nagging, ridicule and self-pity.
And he is suffering because you
feel inferior to him and are
afraid you can't hold his love.
Let's take a look at this ugly
thing and expose it in the hope
that you, Mrs. G., and all wives
(and husbands) who are destroy
ing themselves and their mates
with jealousy can know just what
it is like. Here is a self-rating
scale that will tell you much
about yourself. Read it, then
sent cents in coin for copy of
my booklet, How is Your Jeal-
ousy Working?" from which it
was taken. Here we go:
l. Ask yourself just what your
feeling really is about your hus-
band. Pin yourself down.
2. Then ask yourself why you
feel that way about him. This is
where you'll have to go clear
down to the bottom of your
problem. Don't stop half way.
Do you feel that way because
you don't believe in yourself?
Because you don't see any par
ticular reason why he should be
interested in you or find you at
tractive? Because you really
aren't on the job, as wife?
3. When you have explored
your own feelings and analyzed
them as fully as possible-which
will probably take several weeks
ask yourself just what you
really want to do about them.
Do you think they are making
him love you more? Do you think
that affection and fidelity can
be exacted merely by making
yourself more Objectionable? Or
do you conclude that the Surest
way to make your husband love
you, admire you, respect you and
want to be with you more, is to
treat him in such a way that
he would rather be with you
than do anything else?
BY this time, I think you'll
know what to do next, Mrs. G.
If you are mature enough to
deserve a husband, think you'll
want to go to work on yourself,
instead of bounding and bad
gering him with the idea that
you can make him treasure you
because Of your nuisance value.
But your first move is to take
the wraps of your childish jeal-
ousy and recognize it for what it
really is.