Evening star., 1953-03-06
Modern
Marriage
Cost of Divorce
In Heurtuche
And Rennorse
By Dr.. Poul Popenoe

80 S~N SPSuOS
How much does q divorce cost?
It is probable that most people
begin their negotiations in q
lawyers Office with that ques-
ton. The lawyer can tell them.
too. in terms of dollars and
cents. Much depends on how
well you're of. financially.
But no one can write a check
for the bill that divorce piles up
in heartache and remorse. Mrs.
F. found this out. After reading
her letter, perhaps you'll won
der whether the price isn't too
high in most cases:
"I don't believe the average
woman has any idea Of what she
is getting into when she sues
for divorce" she writes me.
"She thinks. or is told to think,
that she Is solving her problems
by getting rid of her husband.
OF course she's not solving them;
she's merely running away from
them. or at least trying to. The
humiliation. the loss Of self
respect, the breakup Of familiar
patterns and necessary change
Of habits, are, q whole lot more
uncomfortable than she sup
poses.
But there are two other con-
sequences that I'd like to see you
emphasize, because they are
usually not realized until it's too
late to avoid them.
"One Of these is the loss Of
social life. If she has been mar
ried for five or 10 years, as the
average wife has when she gets
a divorce. her whole social life
has been with a group Of other
married couples. The unat-
tached persons with whom she
used to associate before her
marriage are now married them
selves. The married couples with
whom she and her husband
associated have to be writ
ten off-most of them-as q
dead loss. They don't want to
be bothered with an extra
woman; they don't want to take
sides as between her and her
husband; and If she goes out
with them she constantly re-
minds herself of the good times
she and her husband used to
have with this same company.
So she drops out-if she isn't
dropped first.
"The other loss entailed by
divorce is the loss of all chance
to share some of the precious
memories of life. Take my own
case. I was married for nearly
IA years and the first IL at least
were happy ones. My husband
and / built up a world Of inter-
ests together. Then I found him
losing interest and finally dis
covered he was taking up with
another woman. I had a tan
trum and rushed into the di-
vorce court. Since I have been
reading your column for the last
year know that all this was as
much my fault as his. I wasn't
on the job. But anyhow. I got a
divorce, and two years later
nHa~AIaAr
II have a happy marriage.
and you bet I'm going to con-
tinue to work to make 1t so. But
there are at least IL years Of
happiness in my first marriage
that are virtually lost because I
have no one to share the men,
cries with. The old saying Is
that you halve your sorrows and
double your Joys by sharing
them. If I were still living with
my first husband, we'd be con-
Stantly talking Of the time we
did this or that. AS it is, have
to try to put these things out
of my mind. and concentrate on
trying to build a new life with
my present husband. What q
stupid waste of life. in the aver
age divorce! wish women could
understand this, DR.. Popenoe.
They'd work a little harder to
make their marriages succeed
and they wouldn't find it much
of a job if they really wanted
to try"