Madison County Democrat. (London, Ohio) 19??-1958, 1953-10-30
e OUR
"a fTW'N


'Sa truth, so help me! From
an unusually reliable source
comes this bit of Londonia.
According to the story told
me. a fellow walked into a
local pub with a live duck un-
der his arm-name of Hazel!
Well, this guy orders two
beers, one for the duck. How
ever, he bought the duck only
one beer and the barnan ask
ed why. Fellow rather diffid-
emily replied Always limit
Hazel TO one-she's driving"
Soon, after Hazel" had eaten
a package of potato chips,
the man put the duck under
his arm and took off. Last the
bartender heard was several
loud quacks as Hazel drove
off.
FINE
The recent efforts to dis
courage drunk driving reminds
lis of an old story we heard
about man under the "alka-
fluence of inkahol" back in
the horse-and-buggy days.
This particular day a man
drove his horse up on the side
walk at what is now the Bar
gain House at the corner OF
Main and Second. A good
many of the town loafers were
seated in front of the engine
house and as he drove past
them, he upset the chairs and
the loafers fell to the ground
at a great rate. They scramble
ed to their feet and ran down
the alley as the horse and
driver continued past st. Pat
rick's Church and around the
corner where the man was
duly and properly arrested.
Marion Burnham, the then
mayor of London, set the fine
at $50 and costs. I'VE can't
have you going around knock
ing people out of their chairs" )"
he said. Without a murmur,
he slapped down two twenty
dollar bills The extra one
is for the return trip, judge"
the man said. And with that
he got back in his buggy and
drove back down the sidewalk
past the engine house. Accord
ing to the story, he was never
seen again on the sidewalk
drunk or sober!
WELL?
The young bride told her
friend, Marriage is no good.
Bill hasn't kissed me since our
honeymoon"
"Why don't you get a di-
vorce?"
"Oh my goodness! I'm not
married to Bill"
BUSINESS
Best sign we've seen lately
is this one on a Laundramat
Ladies leave your clothes
here and spend the rest of the
afternoon having a good
timer"
IS FACT
When faced with two evils,
most guys take the blonde!
And while we hear a lot of
complaints about the weather,
it isn't half so bad as if the
government regulated it.
SCHOOL
Little boy came home from
school and told his mother
that the regular teacher was
i'll and that a substitute had
taken over classes for the day.
Smart lady too" said the lit
lie tike, "She can play the
piano with one finger. Our
regular teacher uses both
hands,"
cHEEsES
Man stopped at a roadside
stand and selected a particu-
larly strong piece of Limbur-
ger cheese. AS the cheese was
being wrapped the man asked,
''Do you think that cheese
will keep alright until I get
home 2"
Mister" was the reply,
There amt NOTHIN' ever
nothing more going to happen
to THAT cheese!'
HUNT
Man ana TWO sons took to
the fields on their first hunt
ing expedition. Returning that
evening a neighbor chanced to
see them. One boy was limp
ing, the other son had his head
bandaged and the old man
wore his arm in a sling. bad
day." inquired the neighbor.
'Terrible!" replied the old
man.
But what's in the bag your
son has on his back ?"
That" beloved the enrag-
ed father, 'is the dog!"
LAST WORD
And then there was the girl
who would never take drink
for fear it might be would al
cohol!