Evening star., 1953-01-28
Problems
Today
Widows Fiunce
Is Critical of
Her Young Son
By Muriel Nissen


DEAR MISS NISSEN: In q
few weeks I am marrying Fred.
and I am afraid Of trouble be-
tween him and my 7-year-old
son, Larry. So far they have
gotten along pretty well to-
gether, but there are indications
that this felicitous state will not
last. I have been q widow for
four years, and since ! had to
work to support the boy, I
boarded him with a family in the
suburbs. Consequently, I saw
him only on week ends. Now
there is an adjustment to be
made between my own son and
myself. I have given up my job
and in the few weeks I've had
Larry to myself I realize he has
been babied. This is Fred's chief
objection to him. He claims that
Larry should be much mora
grown up, and is trying to push
MIN too far. I feel that the adj.
justment should be made gradu.
ally. Fred feels Larry should
begin to be Independent at once.
Larry gets along very well in
school. has many friends. and
has always made favorable ina.
preston on adults.
OLIVIA H.
ANSWER: Larry seems to be
IN for a series of adjustments
that would try the average adult.
you're taking your re-acouired
duties Of motherhood too seri-
ously, Fred is assuming the OBJ.
hgations Of a stepfather with
all the spirit Of a born reformer.
and poor Larry is in the middle
trying to fathom the meaning
OF all the sudden activity around
him.
The child already has gone
through one great period OF re-
adjustment after his fathers
death, when he had to learn to
do without both father and
mother in a new family environ
ment; now he is going through
the whole process again. Both
you and Fred should be more
gentle with the boy and give
him a chance to get his bear.
1ngs. You wouldn't expect to
uproot an adult and have him
merge into new surroundings
with no perceptible struggle:
why expect a youngster to ac-
complish the impossible?
Before you marry Fred it
should be clearly understood
between you just exactly what
your respective relations to Larry
will be. Fred, as the newly ac-
quired father, certainly should
have some say in the rearing
and disciplining of the boy, but
his responsibility should not in
clude tyrannical tactics. A z.
year-old is barely out of baby
hood, and should not be expected
to act like a man. The transit
ton should come gradually, and
If the child has been babied in
his foster home, don't expect
him to change overnight and
suddenly become q self-pos-
sessed, self-reliant person. These
things come through patient
training, not suddenly.
Your little triangle has all the
makingS Of a domestic tempest,
and it will take tact and deep
love to keep the angles In theiI
proper places. There is almost
always a difficult situation to
overcome in second marriages
that involve children; a natural
jealousy exists between the child
and. step-parent and each is in
clined to regard the other as an
interloper. Handling both Of
them in a manner to keep every
one placated and happy Is q
grueling task for a woman.
Keeping in close touch with
Larry's teachers will help you
follow his progress. and they also
will give you particular advice
as to whether or not he is adj
justed at his own age level. #.
in the opinion Of his teachers,
he measures up to other children
Of his age, don't try to change
him. Nature will take care Of
progression in her own time
tested manner.