The Hardin tribune-herald. [volume] (Hardin, Mont.) 1925-1973, 1952-02-14
BY H.l.PHILLIPs
WI Features
THAT EXPANDING ECONOMY

NEAR Hi: The more / read about
- this expanding economy" Of
ours the more / am puzzled. Can
you explain it? Baffled Reader.
Glad to. An expanding economy Is
an economy in which a country over
its head in debt and not knowing
what to do about it phones its econ
omy expert and orders another
round of rainbows for the boys In
the back room.
It is an economy arrived at by
talking through your hat, figuring
with invisible ink on q creased slate
and arriving at conclusions by tea
leaf reading in a mystic maze.
II you have ten apples and give
away nine apples you really have
one apple left under old-fashioned
American economy, but In an ex.
panding economy you have a paper
bag full of imaginary apple trees
and a statement assuring you that
your overall apple outlook is good II
you III unselfish.
An expanding economy de-
ponds upon the same routine as
that employed by the janitor
when he says the heat is on full
when the apartment thermom-
eter registers zero.
When you fall overheard and keep
humping your head on the bottom
ofthe boat every time you come up
for air, you may think you IRE in
trouble. But don't worry. You are
enjoying an expanded water carni-
val.
If the till is empty, the money
belt in hook and the cashiers office
full of LOUIS. don't fret. Your basic
economic strength is splendid and
there are two explanations: Either
your global view is faulty or you are
a Republican.
To simplify. Once upon a time
when the cow failed to give milk
she was a sick cow. Today, 1t is
all right as she owes the milk to
herself. Should a COW give a
promissory note instead of milk
and merely moo when asked for
another gallon she may not be
much of a cow, but everything
will be all right If she reduces
inflationary pressures a n d
avoids major dislocations.
In pappy's day if the hens stopped
laying it meant he was short of
eggs. Today you would know you
were in an era of expanding hem
neries, facing new frontiers UNI
afraid, and that both you and the
hens were experiencing a healthy
economic growth.
Not clear. yet? Listen, move
closer. pleased If you have a hen
on a setting of six real eggs you
are in the poultry business. But if
it is a rooster on a setting Of a dozen
china eggs, a recipe for eggnog and
a poem on peacocks you. are in an
expanding economy and doing swell.
Yesterday when a man found
himself in economic trouble he
said, a'This doesn't look good"
Today, he takes an expansive
posture, phones an expansive
economist and gets the answer,
tBoy, are we in clover!"
Once when your books couldn't
be balanced. your adding machine
began giving wrong answers and
your wallet had sprung a leak you
worried. Today, forget it, bub; you
have achieved a material well be.
ing never known before.
You still don't get it? One more
try: You are clinging by three
fingers to a flying trapeze; there is
no net under you and somebody has
hooked a ton of pig iron to each
leg. You may think you are in
danger. Nonsense. Your b a s c
strength is all right and requires
only confidence and sacrifice. 1t is
no time for faintheartedness. Get
some more pig iron on you, vote the
straight Democratic ticket and re-
quest a letter from Washington
] notifying you that there is a net
under you, even if it is not visible.
eff you look again and still Zee no
net you are not cooperating.0
Jose Ferrer is in a New York hit
called ''The Shrike'' and Ina Dodc
in describing it says, Il shraW The
Shrike at the Scort Theater and it
shruck me as a big shuckcess." :
Joe Stain now forbids any foreign
diplomats to travel more than Is
miles from the center Of big cities.
He doesn't want them to have any
chance of indulging in the capital.
istic sport of going fishing week
ends.
One of the nations biggest cigar