The Catholic times. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1951-current, 1952-02-29
Just Among Ourselves
Psssins Comment Considered or Ineonsidersss

Recently, during a session of the National Coun-
Gil of Churches, Columbus pastor suggested a
change in the wording of the marriage vow. The
report is muddled as such reports often are;
it puts the pastors suggestion in the form of ques-
tion instead of vow, and it says that he stressed
the positive rather than the negative side of such
change Certainly, there is nothing negative in the
old formula, ito have and TO hold, for better for
worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in
health, until death do us part"
The change advocated by the Columbus minister
would substitute for thts ancient formula simple
yes in answer to the question, "Will you stand by
in all the experiences of life?" In what way the
change would be an Improvement, in what way
1t would confer benefit is not indicated in the news
report Nor is there any hint of how the suggest
ed change gives particularly positive" view OF
the heavy duties assumed by the and woman
who make the marriage vow.
To promise to stand by" is in itself. very in
definite sort of promise In current use-one might
say, in modern slang--to stand by may mean to
be at hand as a support and stay But it may also
mean other things. The "stand by" may mean to be
mere bystander And such meaning would surely
lend no positive" weight to the marriage vow.
Stand by is very often used for please wait"
When you lose the TV picture, you will likely read
a notice that there is trouble at headquarters
and that if you will stand by" for while the pic
ture will be restored. This stand by" is equivalent
to the old Shreveport plea, Don't go way" Is the
new marriage vow TO mean merely that the spouses
agree TO stick around" in all circumstances? In
what possible manner such agreement be
better than the oldfashioned promise which lists
in solemn detail the experiences of fe the spouses
have to face?
The important thing about the marriage vow
is its nature, not its mode of finding expression
1t is not of great moment that the be stated in
this form Of that, it is of supreme Importance
that the vow be meant. There is need to emphasize
the positive" this point that marriage is "a
world.withoutend bargain" For people who accept
the possibility of absolute divorce any talk about
the marriage vow, in positive negative aspect
is altogether futile and unmeaning.
marriage is the mutual dedication and merg-
ing of two lives in indissoluble union. The very
nature of marriage demands permanence. The pur-
pose of marriage and its normal consequences exact
an unfading fidelity, exclusive unquestionable. Ii
the spouses, on their wedding day, acknowledge the
possibility of subsequent divorce they utter true
vows matter in what words in which their pledge
is expressed. They merely make an arrangement of
conveniences.
Now such an arrangement of convenience is not
cit II is not thing within the competence of the
couple 90 establish Marriage is definite state and
the couple may take ii or leave it, but IL they take it,
they take it ii u.s. and not as they might like it
TO be. To admit impermanence into what is essent-
tally permanent Is to be guilty OF utter contradic-
ton il is to square the circle il is to eat ones cake
and have ii too.
Whatever impresses the spouses with the irrevoc-
able character of their marriage contract is suitable
and valuable And Ii surely needs no argument to
show that the older marriage formula is i'm
pressive in this way than the indefinite and some
what silly declaration of intention to stand by in
all the experiences of life" Compare this flippancy
with the dignity and detail of the traditional vow: Il
take thee my lawful spouse to have and to hold
from this day forward, for better, for worse, for
richer. for poorer in sickness and in health, until
death do part"
Indeed this matter is so plain that we experience
a great wonder that the point was ever brought up
Mr. Dooley once remarked to Mr. Hennessy tha
when Congress convenes the members talk abou
many things "that seem important to Congress
man" Perhaps when ministers convene there is
similar set of subjects. Certainly. the importance
of the suggested change in the marriage vov
eudes the average citizen.
Meanwhile, LET us be sure that "stand by" doe
not mean, in the nautical phrase stand by to g
about 1t could mean, be alert for quick change.
Phrases in current and common have wa
of shifting their meaning Before we were we'll use
to the new phrasing of The marriage vow, the word
stand by" might mean something wholly differen
i from what is now intended.