Evening star., 1952-10-23
Problems
Today
Family Strife
Requires
Diplomacy
By MurieI Nissen

DEAR MISS NISSEN: Moth
erS have had q hard battle to
fight these last few years. Moth
ers-in-law have had no chance
at all. Young women are fighting
older women bitterly. The hate
they express when speaking of
their mothers-in-law is difficult
to put into words. Many men in
their thirties and forties have
ulcers solely because of the con-
flict in their homes between wom-
en-. They ask in despair, rs it a
crime to love ones mother?" We |
are called every low name in the
docket because, having made
money, we wish to make our
mothers last years a little easier!
I know two large families. The
several sons of each family have
been successful in a big way. They
were brought up by a good mother.
And the wife of every son bitterly
hates her husbands mother! The
sons all love their mothers, but
the wife, with her youth and
beauty, has the upper hand!
A. N.
ANSWER: At least you are one
man who admits that there are
conflicts between wife and mother
in-law. Most men insist the Situ-
alton is purely imaginary. I do
think, however, that either you
are going through a present crisis
in this regard, and so have slight
ly lost your perspective, or have
been exposed to an unusually
vitriolic batch of daughters-in-
law. It's difficult to believe that
all wives you know have developed
a clannish dislike for their hus-
bands mothers.
Surely there is no reason why
the youth and beauty Of wife
should cancel the love and devo-
ton due to a mother. Besides, to-
day many mothers give younger
women stiff competition in the
youthful-looking and beauty de-
partment. The day when Nom
settled into stagnation the minute
her sons married is fast drawing
to a close. More likely she raises
her family, sees them happily
married. then goes off to a good
job of her own. In fact, much OF
the daughter -in-law trouble today
is caused by young women who
find themselves tied down to baby
food and diapers while they see
smartly dressed Nom embark on a
career. The young -marrieds had
pictured things differently. They
had Nom cast in a role of per-
petual baby-sitter and. when she
foils their plans, they decide she's
not cooperative.
The husband who is faced with
conflict between his mother and
his wife should have no trouble in
ascertaining the source of trouble.
He'll hear complaints from both
sides. naturally, and it's up to him
to weed out the pettiness and dig
into the roots. The fault can lie
on either side, or on both sides.
If mother is attempting to run
her sons household, spoil the
children, make too many demands
on him or his family, retrench-
ment is required. If the wife re-
fuses to let her husband visit his
family, If she withholds help,
financial or otherwise, that is
needed and that she is able to
give. if she is disagreeable to the
older woman, then she must be
taught consideration and man
|ners.
This most delicate of all prob
lens becomes a difficult situation,
usually because some one along the
line blunderS. A little tact and
f1nesse, bit of diplomacy at the
very beginning, can mean the
whole difference between a mother
and daughter-in-law feud, or a
happy. lasting friendship.
If men, themselves, would be
more aware of the potentialities
involved. and less sure that every
thing is bound to be all right,
trouble could be averted before it
begins.