The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1952-03-04
HAL
BOYLE
SAYS
By HAL BOYLE

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Gle had been working like mad
dened beaver all morning a; a
mass of papers on his office desk
Suddenly he put his head down
on his arms and walled hysterical.
ly: - .sw
Let 'em put me in Jail! just
can't go on"
Wilbur Feeble, who sat at the
next desk, asked him wha, the
trouble was.
ITS my income tax, mOaned
Horace. Il just can't figure it out
this year. Nobody can.
~itur "a e III smile Of toll
Grant superiority.
1t doesn't bother me-" he said.
Il haven't paid my income tax
for years and years.
Barnacle looked Mortified.
why, that's unpatriotic and dis
honest" he objected, land, be-
sides, they can throw you in prison
if your income taxes aren't paid.
''Oh, they're paid all right, said
Wilbur. But don't pay them.
who dcas-Santa CLAUSE"
mo, my wife, Trellis Mae
Il don't get you, said Barnacle,
mystified.
well, | used to go alm0s
crazy-iust like you--trying to fig-
ure my own tax" explained vii.
bur. About 10 years ago | decided
it was silly for a man TO lose his
mind that way. Who knows where
the money in family goes any
way? The husband or the wife?
So l turned my income tax prob
lens over to Trellis Mae"
But legally y,I're responsible
for the accuracy of your tax re-
turns" Horace pointed out.
mot any more, said Wilbur,
comfortably. II went before a
Judge and had myself declared
mentally incompetent to handle my
own financial affairs, and had Trel-
lis Mae given power of attorney.
Barnacle thought that over, then
shook his head.
1T wouldn't work in my case,
he said despondently. my wife
Desdemona, is even more hopeless
at arithmetic than | am. She can't
even balance her bank book
Grow up, Horace" grinned Viii.
+! bur- " THAT'S the beauty of it. M
wife can - last of all my Trellis
Mae. But no government expert
can make sense out of her tax
figures either.
why, the first time she paid my
taxes she spent a whole week ar,
guing with the Internal Revenue
men. II was all because they would
not let her list Murgatroyd as q
dependent"
who's Murgatroyd?"
Hes our canary. Trellis Mae
says that since Murgatroyd~is un
der Is and dependent on us they
ought to allow us to deduct the
price of his birdseed. She's teen
battling them 10 years on that one
item alone. Last year the govern
ment fellows offered to chip in and
buy Murgatroyd's birdseed them
/ selves if she would drop the sub
ject. But Trellis Mae refused as
matter of principle .
Don't they ever challenge her
leturns later" asked Horace.
Sure, every year. said Wilbur
cheerfully. "Once they sent to-
specialist down from Washington
/ He spent four days trying to fine
out what was wrong with Trellis
Macs report and gave up. My
wife was so mad she Immediately
filed revised return demanding
IS per cent refund. The man
couldn't find what was wrong with
that one either. He had to pay
Y
up" J! 3 Gti
Horace whistled in admiratiol.
IT sounds wonderful = he said.
But ! kind of hate the idea OF
having myself declared mentally
incompetent"
We'll, all | know said Wilbur,
lis that ! feel fine today. but three
men in our local Internal Revenue
office have had to quit because of
nervous breakdmns from dealing
with Trellis Mae and Murgroyd
you have to do something in
self defense. If every man let his
income taxes drive him crazy,
who'd be left TO pay them"
and children alike have been
oh n al :