The Catholic times. [volume] (Columbus, Ohio) 1951-current, 1952-03-28
Just Among Ourselves
Passing Comment Considered or Ineonsiders's

The flying saucer slipped smoothly to its place
OF mooring. Fourteen Marian scientists stepped
lightly to their native terrain. Home again lads "
cried their leader, the most scientific among them,
Gosh! it's good to see those old canals once more "
With such elemental sentiment, wholly prosac and
unscienfc, did the interplanetary travellers greet
their homeland. Each of them unashamedly shook
away some steely tears from one (or more) of his
three eyes.
There was the usual crowd at the saucer port
The returning scientists received a genuinely Mar
tian welcome. Speeches read and plaques be-
slowed. All cheered they heard the announce
ment that series of scientific lectures would be
delivered, and many Earthtrophies shown, in all
the cities of Mars There would be movie too Spe-
cia feature OF Earth-phenomena, called THE Amer
ican Scene" In prospect forty volume history
OF the expedition under the editorshp of Professor
Bug-oo, boss scientist Four volumes we're even
now ready for the press two having been written
during the return voyage, and two on the way out
Martians are fast
II is not too much to say that the Story of
Saucer Sdtari on Earth was the most exciting
thing ever TO appear in Maran newspapers SYN
dlcated to the hilt it appeared in daily nstalments
in all the prints Little children forgot their Martian
equivalent of Hoppy Gadgets and their elders even
the most highly educated neglected the doings of
Martian Abners and Daisy Macs, they read with
absorbing interest of the aims ideals. equipment
and accomplishments of those inferior but intrig
uing creatures called Earthmen
Now. Mars despite its warIike name. had always
been remarkably peaceful planet Martans got on
well together. Chickering's and jealousies were not
OF course, unknown among them. But, by and large
life was serene along the canal banks; general dis
turbances were practically unknown But this pro-
sale placdity was not to last One day Martan as.
ronomer openly declared his belief in the possibility
OF life on the planet Earth. lie was of course
derded and condemned. But he found allies. Ere
long the question was veXed one, not only in the
pubs and debating societies. but in street and house
hold, Neghbor clashed with neighbor and brother
was turned against brother in the brawl over Earth
and possible Earth-men.
Patient science piled up facts and faneies
time one One researcher was sure ne saw
canals on Earth and canals meant not only men but
civilization. Another reported seeing a marvellous
upheava on Earth phenomenon not to be account
cd for by cosmic factors which he explained some
sort Of a scientific experiment among Earth-men
which had got out of hand tn this the keen Martan
was mistaken; later after the saucerflight, it was
found that the disturbance was only national po-
ltical convention in Chicago)
But now all doubts we're SET at rest Earth had
been visited. Earth had life, and civilization of a sort,
and men who did a kind of thinking. Mars was at
last apprsed of the facts. But Mars happy? Con
their message; sooner the long series of the
Sdfdri completed in the newspapers; no sooner we're
the forty volumes Of Professor Bug-oo in every
hand; no sooner we're the samples and trophies Of
Earth gadgetry especially the American kind pass
ed among the people, than peace folded her wings
and departed from the Martan scene.
Martian housewives were disraught Amer
lean advertising films displayed for scientific rea-
sons on the Martan TV sets made it clear that there
are at least fifteen types of powder to give women
fine hands and the cleanest wash IN town And not
one of these available to the housewives of Mars
Thus were sOWn the seeds of deep domestic dis
content And the deodorantSi Martians had never
noticed that they didn't smell nice The first pois
onous doubts we're begot among them when they
heard soft whispers about being nice TO be near
Ere long debutantes of both could greet each
other with such expressions as "Poof There goes
Kissing-sweet!" But they said it sadly, as those
who have ITO hope
Meanwhile stalwart Marians discussed the fifty
kinds of Earth-beer each variety of which is
absolutely the best Ordinary Martian lushes argued
the matter with one another and with philosophers
nominalists, and professors of semantics Yet dis
cussion unsatisfactory as II was inevitable
Discomfort was everywhere not least among Mart
ian brewers who resented the constant Slurs thrown
out against their products as compared with that
smoooooother stuff produced by Earth-men.
And cigarettes! Don't talk Mildness might be
found in cigarettes. but not in the wild debates
gendered by discussion of this soothing quality How
eperu brand of cigarette be milder than every
other? Here was problem, from undetermined
Earth-men. TO BATTLE tho keenest of Marian minds
and TO destroy peace in the celestial canal zone.
Mars is peaceful no longer II is paying the
price for too much curiosity for too eager love
OF discovery for too ardent desire to know. II has
tasted the Pieran spring. but is unable to drink
deep. Anger broods along the waterways discomfort
clouds the domestic domain: Martians snar at one
another. Ever and anon, as TV sets click on of an
evening one may hear in any Martian home, deep
groans of despair Earth.voice. strident but
feminine. skaters the Martian atmosphere. why.
haven't you HEARD It's the keenest news in
town." And sobbing in the background comes the
chant Marian ladies finger their stringy hair
and contemplate their roughened hands, BLACK
RAIN Black Rain Honey and Chestnut Creaml II
fulloats Muzz muses. everything"