The coastland times. [volume] (Mnateo [i.e. Manteo], N.C.) 1947-1959, 1951-08-24
IT Taxes !
ALL KINDS
By DAVE WEST

All we can say after our dread
full experience is, if you're over
So, fellas, don't yield to any silly,
little, innocent impulse to try to be
funny. Your time-of-life for prac-
teal joking is over. You can't |
carry it off any longer. BE just
as dull and lifeless as younger
people think you are. A thing like
| this could happen to you, that's
why.
| 1t happened over on Jennette's
beach. All we wanted to do was
take the two little boys visiting us
over to the ocean SO they could
pick up some shells to show when
they got back home. Then we had
to try to have little fun.
For one whirling half-minute
we experienced something akin to
the state of mind that the convicted
murderer must have as he sits IN
the electric chair, waiting for them
to turn on the current. The few
seconds seemed to stretch out to
an eternity of suffering, and our
imagination raced through the
whole shameful trail of arrest,
trial, conviction and the long, long
term on the roads, to be followed
by perpetual disgrace.
We could see the headlines in the
papers going into the homes OF
our friends and acquaintance:
Elderly Washer Jailed" or Mid
dle-Aged Playboy Arrested at Re-
sort" 1t was frightful-just fright
full.
The beach trip started unevent-
fully enough. The germ of our dis
grace came as we strolled down
near the water with the boys and
their mother. We passed couple
of pretty Manteo gals taking the
sun on a blanket stretched on the
sand. "Wow!" one of them said,
"Look at that outfit. What thrill
for old ladies'" and then, for some
completely incomprehensible rea-
son she began laughing at us-as
if a man with bony knees and
hairy legs looked more ridiculous
in shorts and an orange, red, yellow
and green lowered shirt than any
other man in such an outfit.
With great aplomb, it seemed to
US, we chided the lady moment
and then walked on down the
beach, feeling that, perhaps, we
MIGHT be something of spec
tacle at that. When we returned to
leave the beach, we happened to
be holding an empty MATCHBOX in
our hand. We noted two girls sit
ting on blanket in about the same
location as the pair we had passed
before. "Ha! We'll just give her a
little scare" we thought. So we
tiptoed up behind the one we
thought had laughed at US and
stuffed the paper match-cover down
the, back of her bathing suit.
The lady turned quickly, gave a
short scream, and revealed face
we'd never seen before! Even
if your presence of mind hasn't
been scared out of reach, there's
just no way you can explain a
thing like that. We muttered some
thing-we've no idea what-and as
sure as we were certain that the
lady wouldn't call Chief Mitchell
of Sheriff Cahoon and charge US
with some kind of horrible thing,
we skunk off the beach and crept
home where the two little
boys and their mother stood about
to see that we told the story, "just
: as it happened" to our Nell. :.
Don't ask US to go swimming:
we're allergic to the beach.
We go to press and the regular
order of things goes out the win
dow on Thursdays. But we didn't
know until last week that Thurs
! day is an especially confusing day
to other people, too. When the fire
alarm sounded about pm. last
Thursday, it turned out that some
one wanted to call the gas COM
pany to send around its truck and
called the fire departments num-
Der by mistake.
There's cheer for hardened sin
ners. According to column-filler
We read in a Raleigh paper lately,
there's burying ground especially
for them: in Tennessee there's
cemetery called Little Hope.p
II,
An Iowan visiting us wanted to
take in a dance at Mays Head, so
he could tell the folks back home
he'd danced barefoot. His enthus-
iasm made US forget that it has
long been necessary to grease our
knees for three days before per-
forming the awkward maneuvers
we have always given the name of
dancing-so we went to the Casino
last Friday night and creaked
around the floor to the accompani-
ment of a castanet-like cracking