Laurel outlook., 1950-07-26
GOLF BALL AND
GEIGER COUNTER
MNl sNa

GOLF BALL AND
GEIGER COUNTER
More and more privileges are b.
ing taken from US. Scientists az
about to make it impossible to los
a golf ball. In Akron, Ohio, a rut
Der corporation has turned out
radioactive ball which talks
amid the weeds, dead leaves an
tall grass. The supplemental equiv
ment is a miniature Geiger counte
to which the pellet says, Here
ana little to the right of tina
bushl" The nonloseable golf bal
will soon be put on public sale.
makes us sad. We could Away
lose golf balls without trouble. Il
fact we were for years high-stan'
man in our club for u%nrecovere,
ones. It was our only golfing dis
tinction. And now science steps il
to make us spend more time in tn
fairways!
Between six and seven mil
lion golf balls are lost every
year, the rubber company says.
Chats an understatement. The
average foursome loses that
many In one summer season.
The radioactive golf ball will
cost no more, but the Geiger
counter will set you back about
SIS. This SIS will, 1t is pointed
out, keep you from losing at
lease S100 worth Of balls.
We shall fight it with every hoot
at our command. The lost golf bal
has been the backbone Of golf fol
most players. 1t kept conceit down
The hope Of someday keeping in e
fairway lured on the duffer year
after year. And it was important ir
character tests.
Nothing gave you a better
line on a competitor than his
conduct in the rough. 1t was
then, as he thrashed in the I'M
de%rbrush, that you could assay
his true virtues or lack of 'em.
Here the demon In him came
out. Here his footwork revealed
the touch of larceny in him.
Here you could tell whether he
was a gentleman or a heel, man
of honor or cross-country crook.
But 1t was part and parcel of
the ancient Scotch game. Down
with the radioactive golf ball!
Having one of the things in our
pocket could throw us off form
some more. We have always
Ionged to be a hot golfer, but
not scientifically ablaZe. Golf
instructors of America, arise!
These things will kill your bust
ness. Where will you get any
easy dough with the buffers
having no real trouble?
Once the nonloseable golf ball is
on the links there will come the
shot to the pin by radar, the non-
swerving putt and the e%lectronic
backswing.
Somebody will invent a club that
buzzes or flashes a red light when
gripped wrong or taken back out
of the arc. (Flashi Mr.. Elmer
Twitchell, famous scientist, engi-
neer, pinochle shark and stamp col
lector, Just announced that he has
perfected an e%lectronic device for
use in locker rooms during post
mortems. It is a sensitive instru-
ment hidden in the ceiling. When
any player starts lying about his
game it whistles. Nice little gadget
to have in the home, too.)
Nitwit great is Peter DWiebt:
He alWays tries to beat The Light.
Snber Ounce is Oscar Wing:
Road signs to him don't mean a
thing.
Moron tall is Luther Corr:
He asks, "Wbat is that Wbite line
fOr?"
Dig a bole for Wilbur Keepes:
He doesn't dripe; be simply
eapeS.
Would your comment on the Kor-
can situation be that the heels have
taken Seoul7
VANISHING AMERICANISMS-
1--WE got a job; why complaint"
IT may go in Saturday just to help
out" ''The money isn't much, but
I like the work"
The National Committee for Traf-
fic Safety has just come out with
another one Of its regular discov-
cries that drunken drivers and
high speed cause too many acct
dents. The chances that the report
and warning will be read by the
judges and politicians who keep the
drunken ~oDerators in n~osseSSiOn of