Evening star., 1950-09-19

you are GOlQ W A'
do, but for the life of me I don't
see what difference it makes how
you pack for customs. Before
they're done, and put that chalk
mark on your bags. they root
through everything with the
thoroughness of a truffle hound.
It is usually my luck to get hold
of an examiner who. am sure,
once worked in a laundry as a
dirty clothes sorter. Nothing clean
interests him at all. He always
ignores the few spotless garments
have placed on top to impress
the travellers being inspected
alongside me, and makes a bee
line for the sub-strata Of dirty
socks, shirts, shorts, and handker-
chiefs.
These he spreads all over the
counter, making it difficult for me
to keep my aplomb, before the
plane passengers I wore myself out
trying to impress on the trip over
the night before. I suppose that
I just have the manner and bear
ing Of man who smuggles dia-
monds and narcotics in dirty socks
and soiled, wripkled undershirts.
because they sure shake them out
once they lay eyes on me.
Pouch Of Kangaroo.
Actually, the pounds and pounds
of uncut stones and opium I have
brought into this country I have
always concealed in the rim of
my bifocal monocle, or in the
pouch of the kangaroo that I al
ways keep on leash by my side
when going through customs.
The very incest customs men I
have ever encountered are those
at Idiewild Airport. New York.
The fact that I will soon be in
their hands. and hope that all of
them will read this before I make
my appearance, has nothing to
do with my making this state
ment. Well, not much, anyway.
Next to the tall. handsome, ef-
ficient, kind and courteous Idle
wild customs officials, my favor
ties are those rollicking elves who
operate at the airport in Bangkok.
The Siamese may have changed
by now, but when I was there a
couple Of years ago they gave the
impression of not caring what
you brought in as long as you let
them look at it and handle it.
I got the impression that I could
have brought in a loaded and
cooked so caliber machine gun If
I had suggested to the inspectors
that they fire a burst or two on
1t for fun.
Procedure Is Amusing.
A friend met us in Bangkok
and suggested we have a cup Of
coffee while the customs officers
were examining our luggage. But
he said to be sure to watch the
procedure because it would be
real amusing.
1t was. People on the moon
examining the belongings of the
first rocket ship couldn't have
been more curious. They took
everything out OF every bag. They
held up jeans dress in front Of
them and whirled around so all
Of them could get a look at
American styles. They snapped
and unSnapped compactS, MIN
licked swapping pictures with my
camera, poked a piece of paper
in my typewriter and pecked OUT
what I suppose was the Siamese
equivalent Of Nov is the time
for all good men, etc." and one
Of them tried on several Of my
neckties for size. And they ex-
amined jeans lacy undertakings
as If Miss Gussie Moran were in
side of them.
Then with courtesy matched
only by those sweet, dear men of
Idlewild. they repacked everything
and bade us happy stay in their
country.
Speaking of customs, it has al
ways been mine to stop this COL
umn about this time. So I will.
and go out and buy myself a
bowler hat, the Tooth anniversary
of which is being celebrated with
much ado in England.
distributed by McNaught Syndicate. Inc) }