Evening star., 1950-06-05


sons for this
personal serv- Henry MsLsmsrs.
ice being that do not have
secretary. My wife, Jean, has long
wanted me to have a secretary,
but she insists that I have a
young and pretty one whereas
want a rather stout woman Of ad-
vanced years. To date, we have
not been able to see eye to eye
on q secretary. So, have to do
my own secretarial work.
The letters don't answer are
letters which ask me things
don't know. I opened a batch OF
mail today. After reading 1t ]
could not be sure whether the
writer's knew me as a columnist or
as a stout. red-headed encyclo-
pedia.
Even without your permission
I would like to give you q few ex-
amples. Mr.. and Mrs. Roy T
Beck. Of Hialeah, Fla, ask me tc
advise them where they could
enter the contest for the mos,
beautiful poinciana tree. just
couldn't give them this informa-
tion. am natural storehouse OF
information. but I don't know
where this tree exhibit is going to
be held. If I were not appreciative
Of their letter I would tell them
to be In Chambersburg, Pennsyl-
vania, say. at 10 O. m. on July
18th, tree in hand. But such mis-
information would not only cost
me two readers, 1t would brand
me as one Of the universe's most
distinguished heels.
Texan Writes Graphically.
From Tyler. Texas. comes q let
ter from Horace j. Backwelder
Enclosed is a column I wrote a
month ago expressing my objec-
ton to the American Plan in
hotels. Mr.. Backwelder. after the
usual salutation. said, why don't
you go put on your shirt and COL
lar, tie and coat? That'll make
you look like a horse" I don't
know whether that is Mr.. Back
welder's private code and means
that I am q charming, delightful
fellow with whom he would like
to be cast away on q desert island
But II it's plain English I under
stand, how can I answer Mr.
Backwelder? I don't want to look
like horse, much less q horse
who goes around wearing q shirt
a collar, a tie and coat. But te
tell him that might cause him tc
think that I'm an odd sort ol
chap, and don't want any reader
to think that I'm odd. I want
them to believe. even If it ism,
true, that I'm as normal as q
temperature Of 98.6. trains that
jerk when they start. and puppies
that chew things.
Price Of Candlesticks.
Herbert L. Clevenger, who re-
sides in Philadelphia. wants to
know how much I want for the
two mis-matched brass candle
sticks which I mentioned in a
story about spring housekeeping
earlier in this month. Mr.. eleven
ger wants to buy them, but failed
to mention in his letter how much
money he had In the bank. II
he's man of moderate means
and can't go for too much. I'd let
him have the candlesticks for IS
or 20 cents. But If he's a we'll
heeled gent. and has never had
to post-date a check, I'd like to
sell him the candlesticks for as
much as I can possibly rook him
out Of.
Mr. and Mrs. Phillip Cutna, of
Los Angeles, want to know the
best way to 60 around the world
by freighter. including the name
Of q freighter, countries to visit,
prices, etc. That's a large order.
II they'd asked me about travelling
on a cattle boat. they would have
found the right man for sure.
Back in the days when was fall
ing in college. I crossed to Europe
on a boat devoted entirely to the
welfare Of cows. My job was to
feed them. Nothing eats like a
cow at sea.
Cows are right good trencher-
men on land, but let them feel a
rolling boat. hear the soft slap Of
the waves against the sides Of a
boat, let them hear a whistle dur
ing a fog. and they can put on an
exhibition Of free-style eating
that cannot be equalled. was
in charge Of 80 cows, and to the
best of my remembrance each one
Of them ate five tons Of COW food
a day. And was the fellow who
had to fork 1t up and give it to
them. I reached Europe weighing
13 pounds, which Is mighty light
for a 19-year-old boy. They ad-
mitted me to England as q foun-
tain pen, not a human being.
Please. all you sweet and lovely
people who do not get replies from
me. remember I would write you
If knew what to tell you. Don't
hold my silence against me.
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