The Hardin tribune-herald. [volume] (Hardin, Mont.) 1925-1973, 1949-06-02

Elmer explained. Then he malice
up the door from the inside"
Other cases reported today,
with statements by each fol
10 W: Thaddeus Swivelhead:.
eyes, ! have been living in the
top drawer of an old dresser
for five years. I crawled in be-
cause Of the depressing war
news all over the world. After
. little while I heard that the
war was over and that peace
had been declared. I came out,
read the newspaper headlines
and leaped back in again. I'm
no fool" III
Asa 2. Boogle, who has been
living on a shelf in o basement
pantry ever since 1913: II climbed
onto this shelf when the prices OF
everything began rising, with gov.
eminent controls helping very lit
tie. From time to time I peeked
out and found things getting more
unbearable. I am a fugitive from
75-cent cocktails, beer at 17-cents
a glass. $3.50 steak dinners, g.
cent gasoline, shrimp cocktails at
$1.10 a throw, 80 cents for watered
soup, the SIPS raw lambchop de-
ivered on the butchers block and
people who call up to know what
radio program ! am listening to.
Come out again? Why?"
b
II. X. G. Stuffinbox, who has
been residing in a filing cabinet
for ever so long: IF you wish to
talk to me. climb in. I refuse to
come out for anybody. I consider
that ] am a sane, wise and highly
judicious fellow. You and all
others who prefer the outside
world in its present shape are
nuts. y
'The location Of my home and
my place Of employment was such
that ] had to use the subways for
north and south travel and buses
for east and west. Once in a while
when ! went to a theater / had to
get q taxi. ! lived in an apartment
where everybody kept the radio
on all night. A room across the
hall was occupied by an opera star
who vocalized all day. Every few
weeks there was an elevator strike
In the building. And in order to get
to my job ! had to cross nine picket
lines. So / got into this filing cabi-
net and. mister. it seems paradise"
g.
Jarvis r. x. Waffle, who has been
living In q abandoned cello case
ever since 1919: II got in right after
Woodrow Wilson announced Amer
lea would make the world safe for
democracy. ! knew what that would
mean. Now and then I get a pretty,
good line On what life is like out
side this cello case and, boy, am
! happy to be where I am! No fly
ing saucer mysteries! No video
comediansi No bop music! No
radio jinglesl No jackpots! They
can't ever get me interested in
stop The Music"
lettings
There r so many daily changes
in President Truman's cabinet
that it seems to us something
should be done to number the play
ers or abolish the two platoon sys-
tenn in government.
"John L. Lewis Hopes to
Avoid Strike."-HeadIine
Wanna bet?
Olympia flew to Churchill Downs
by plane. It was just for practice.
In his recent races the horse had
trouble getting his landing gear
down.
How to slow up a letter: Put
a special delivery stamp on it
under present post office conditions.
Milton Rerle is to do a news
paper feature. This will give
all columnists a chance to re-
call their jokes Of the past rs
years.
Secretary Louis Johnson's action
in cancelling out the new super
naval weapon was in response to
q stern, Louis, drop that carrier"
Secretary of Commerce Sawyer
administered the oats to his new
chief aide, Cornelius Vanderbilt"
Journal Of Commerce Come,
come. boys, the setup in Washing
ton isn't getting that bad!
sThe psychiatrist said that the
bank looter was clearly a victim
OF unbearable emotional conflicts
coupled with a form Of latent i'm
maturity. The man attempted to
establish an impression Of impor-
lance, and in so doing got hopeless
" into debt without the stability to
correct this condition.n-News.