Evening star., 1949-08-16
The Pipe Represented
As q PhilOsOphic Invention

To the Editor of The Star:
Frank w. Vedders letter against that
great humaniZer of mankind, that symbol
of world brotherhood-the pipe-shocked me
to the very marrow of my ample bones.
If I was not at the moment smoking
pipe and therefore in mellow philosophical
mood, I would launch into personal TRADE
against the gentleman, hurting such eplthets
as "bigot, anti-American, anti-tobacconlst."
could further point out that he has insulted
a worthy mythical (but very reaD female
benefactor of our race-Lady Nicotine.
But, putting away leisurely on my pipe
Gts aroma, candor forces me to admit, is
very decided, I grope for milder. much
milder terms. 1t is apparent that Mr.. We'd
der is not an anti-tobacconist" for he
directs his attack specifically against pipes.
And, of all things. against the most defense
less, if not quite innocuous, one-the un-
lighted pipe.
Reading between the lines. it is evident
that Mr.. Vedder is devotee may vlctlm
Of that vile refuge of the neurotlc-the cigar
cite, better described as coffin nall. For
that is what it is-a coffin nail, the breeder
of T. B. and mattress fires.
He also says nothing about the "Seegar".
I am not making reference to the lat, juicy
perfectos which grace the physlogonoNay OF
our plutocrats Mr.. Vedder's pfoboscis is as
seldom graced with the delectable aroma OF
two -bitters' as I am. But he makes no
mention of the "stogie" which some of the
better-heeled hoi- -polloi can afford. He prob
ably inGulges in two for quarter stogles on
paw DAYS. Or he may be luckier than l. and
be able to smoke them constantly. The lucky
stiff may even be able to smoke three or
four a day.
Why do men smoke pipes? Most OF them
do it because people (mainly Of the feminine
persuasion) keep saying: "A pipe makes
man look manly" Obviously every man
wants to look manly, so if pipe will help
foster this impression, men, the gay self
deceivers, are only too glad to take advan-
tage of the device Also ma2y (again mostly
those of the female sex) repeat unblushlngly
that they love the smell OF pipe.
Some, of course. make diametrically oppo-
site statements. But these are usually 1rus-
trated old maids or gentlemen with stomach
ulcers-people of anti-social II not mlsan-
thropc completes. Pipe smoking would con-
tribute therapeutically to re-establishing the
psychological balance. Of these unfortunates.
But the main reason why 50 many men
smoke pipes is because it makes them true
philosophers. A pipe smoker cannot help de-
yeloping a cozy, calm philosophical attitude.
This is a physical fact. When you are
smoking pipe, and it is going good you
can't afford to get excited or you'll scatter
burning tobacco around and burn hole in
your pants, and what is under the pants.
Because of this, the pipe-smoker learns to
take things in stride.
I know, because learned through bitter
experience.
In re obnoxious odors-unless Mr.. Vedder's S
nose plays him false-there are many odors
abroad in. our ozone many times more pun
gent than pipes Lack of space prevents me
from enumerating them for fear OF being
accused of prejudice or discrimination. II
Mr.. Vedder will carry around clip-on
clothes-pin, and use it appropriately. we fel-
low Americans who f1nd inspiration IN our
pipes, will be grateful. GINO j. SINH.