The Hardin tribune-herald. [volume] (Hardin, Mont.) 1925-1973, 1949-02-10
THOSE INVENTIVE RUSSIANS

THOSE INVENTIVE RUSSIANS
Pravda claims Russia flew an
airplane 81 years before the Wright
brothers Kitty Hawk flight. And
Prof. v. Danilevsky tells the Soviet
Academy of Science that the Rus
slams invented the telephone, the
electric light. the radio, the ships
propeller and jet propulsion. That
leaves us with nothing but the Zip
per and the windshield wiper. l.
We took these claims UP with
DR.. Elmer TWitchell and he says
they are correct. ut was Russia
that gave the world the submarine,
the telegraph instrument; the NOV
ing picture camera, gunpowder,
the talking machine, the safety
razor, the electric ice-box and the
first radio commercial" he de-
clared. Il thought everybody
knew!"
I'VE owe the automobile to Mos
COW. too" Elmer went on, Henry
Ford vas really a Russian named
Ivan E~livvercoffski. He got the idea
OF a low-cost car from Igor Model
teevich. Thomas Edison went to
Russia as a spy and stole the
secret of the electric light, t h e
~phonograph and the movie camera
from a fur trader named Menlo
Parkovich. Tom got into a meet
ing of engineers where no Russian
was eligible unless he had per-
fected an incandescent bulb and
two types of movie cameras. He
escaped discovery due to the fact
he wore a red beard and would
yield the floor to nobody.
sat that time every Volga
bOatman was experimenting
with a talking machine. Edison
sole the idea of the spaniel in
the trademark called His Mas
ter's Voice 1t was really a
Russian w%oifhound.
Russia not only invented the
telegraph but the first singing tele-
gram was sent by one Boris Kolo-
novopopoff of the Imperial Rus
sian Opera, What we call the Morse
code is Russian. The dots come
from the old, old Russia and the
daShes from the old, old, old, old
Russia.
"As for the radio, Lenin's
grandfather had his W net
work, and one Of the early
radio radio features was a fell
lew called Artluromov God
f~reydovitch. They also had a
team called Amosoff and Andy
ozoff. And Ella Fitzgerald says
the Russians had the first jack
pot program. 1t was called
stop the Mujjik'."
=
DR.. Twitchell went on to say that
his father remembered the time
the Russians invented and flew the
first airplane. 1T was invented by
one of the early Marxists and was
propelled by explosives. 1t had no
wings. Marxists hated wings be-
cause of the suggestion of religion.
They just used a tail, a forked
one," he said.
My old man said the Russians
couldn't get their first Russian
plane off the ground at first, but
that a couple of pre-Soviet writer's
did it with an editorial. The plane
stayed up, only a few minutes. 1t
could have stayed UP longer except
that the inventor and operator
wanted to get down ard derouce
somebody" Elmer concluded.
WASHINGTON DIAGNOSIS
The country is in splendid
shape
GOcd is the Unions, state;
Our system is a booming one
So let US operate!
No other system touches ours
It's busy, strong and fit
Hence it is quite apparent that
There's S o m e thin wrong
with it,.
There was terrific irony in the
last stage appearance of Willie
Howard. 1t was only recently, in
the tryout of a new musical. His
big sketch was on the topic of hos.
pital routines and he made his en-.
trance or an operating tablet No.
one dreamed that he was to die in
one very soon. We saw the first
performance of the new show.
which was pretty terrible at that
time, and were puzzled by Willie's
Il l. MI 0f e0rpo Tl1-1 - ..sI