Roanoke Rapids daily herald., 1948-12-10
Try MOI To
Quarrel
With Child
By GARRY CLEVELAND MYERS, Ph.D.

IT'S amazing how many parents,
some of them college graduates, will
quarrel with their children. We par
ents ought to be too proud to fight
with them. Some parents start this
ugly practice when the youngster
is only two or three, and by the time
he is twelve or fourteen the wordy-
warfare between child and parent
may reach very high degree of
frequency and intensity.
One big cause of this shameful
practice is the parents failure to
establish early, and without doubt,
effective measures of basic control
Of the child. Trying so hard to be
reasonable. she often has put too
much faith in mere words when de-
cisive action would have been much
wiser. When in desperation she is
sues an ultimatum, the youngster
is not much impressed, having
learned from earlier experiences
that the decision or command is not
final until it has been repeated many
times and until the parent is very
angry. In the meanwhile both the
parent and child may have grown
more and more vexed at each other,
betraying this vexation in their
voices and words.
Limited Force
If your child has learned well by
the time he is three the meaning of
NO (seldom heard), and if you
have limited force to the few neces-
sary cases of forbiddings, have
avoided positive commands but used
positive suggestions instead during
these early years, you will have re-
moved strong source of quarrel
ing with the child. These principles
explain at length in my bulletins,
"Stubbornness" and "How Teach
Tot Meaning of NO." to be had in
a stamped envelope.
Now let us consider the child, s.
IL or Is, who often talks back to
you in very ugly ways. He may even
curse you. Are you going to curse
him then? Are you going to talk
back to him? Most parents seem
to feel they must have the last word
if it takes all night. But why? We
parents being older and more ex-
perienced have the responsibility of
self-mastery.
In Anger
Some parents in violent anger
will slap the child's mouth then. But
this is unwise. as it is done when
both child and parent are very an
cry. Being weaker, the child then
may only await the time when he
can take revenge. Besides, it is phys
ically such dangerous thing to
do. Anyway we parents always lose
respect of our child when we lose
control of ourselves. | never could
understand why some writer's who
in one breath condemn all physical
punishment even of the pre-school
child, will in the next breath say
that if the child should exasperate
you beyond endurance, it's all right
to give him whack. To me, this
would seem to be the height of folly |
and barbarity.
At quiet moment alone think |
through your problems with the
older child who talks back to you-
how far you provoke him to wrath |
needlessly, how you might boss less
and guide him more intelligently, |
how well you are managing your
emotions, and consider his good
qualities. Resolve not to talk back,
but to be most calm when the child |
is most agitated. My bulletin, "How
to Control Your Temper" may be
had in stamped envelope.
Answering Parents Questions
Q. What is a practical way to
help poor reader at home?
A. Induce him to read from illus
rated material very interesting to
him and with a vocabulary far
easier than the books of his regular
grade. My bulletin, ''Home Helps
for Poor Readers" may be had in
stamped envelope.
@. What is the biggest force in