Evening star., 1947-05-11
CannibaIs Get j. 5. Aid
Against Old Red Joe
In Gridiron Satire
Continued From First Pageo

1ngJOn star, the ciuD OWN QedN Oh
cartoonists; Herbert Block of the
Washington Post, Daniel Fitzpatrick
of the st. Louis Post Dispatch, Rube
Goldberg, the New York Sun; John
r. McCutcheon, the Chicago Trib-
une: James H. Donahey, the Cleve-
land Plain Dealer, and Dorman
Smith, NEA.
Attending the dinner we're the
President of the United Nations,
the Vice President of the Philip
pines, foreign ambassadors, men,
bers of the Supreme Court of the
United States, the Presidents Cab
met, and leading Republican and
Democratic members of Congress.
Scarcely had the guests been
seated when pickets bearing plac-
ards burst into the ballroom and
swarmed onto the stage to open the
dinner show with a series of jabs
at imitation. Truman prosperity"
was defined, to the tune Of Tam
many" as "lots of cash gone in a
fash"
Woeful Quartet Sings.
A quartet woefully stated in
parody its belief that 1--WE Got
Plenty of Nothin'," and inquired:
"What goods money. with prices
In the air? Up there" as the chorus
pointed toward the stratosphere and
repeated, "Up there, Up there"
To the strains of "Ain't We Got
Fun" the pickets declared f1atly:
"In this Nation, it's imitation" And
with every index finger leveled di-
rectly at the President, the singers
exclaimed: Amt HE got fun"
All the trappings of cannibal re-
eality adorned the stage later as
the chief officers of the cannlbal
kingdom in darkest Africa were
disclosed. Cannibals, wild men ana
witch doctors made up the chorus
the retinue for the cannibal chief
and his principal officers. Handy
to the throne was a pay telephone,
attached to palm tree, and center
stage was a man-sized kettle over
q glowing fire.
Here. the audience was told, was
one country where the inhabitants
are only now discovering that COM
munism and the profit motive go
hand in hand"
"The Excheguer Is Ex.'"
When the cannibal secretary OF
The treasury reported to the chief
that "the exchequer is 'ex, -" ne hao
only one hope to offer
"I hear the United States Is pay
ing off to democracies what got
trouble with Communists, ne toio
the chief.
"Democracies?" asked the chief,
Communists? What's dem?
When the "secatary for furrln al
fairs" had completed his collect tele-
phone call to Washington, he con-
firued the great news in parody
of the Riff song:
"All we needs a Communist
or so
"And we'll roll in Uncle Sam
uel's dough.
$50 If the Reds are ABROAD,
SHOW a couple to us, Good
Lawd.
"Oh-
How can Truman save. us
from the foe
"Till we find some pinks to
overthrow;
$50 let the Red Shadow come,
"We1l all cash in on it, chun,
Come on. let's go!'
Wonders If It's Legal.
The only problem was to get some
Communists to be afraid of. The
chief wondered whether the deal
was legal, but the royal attorney
general handed down reassurlng
decision: Who cares If it's legal, so
long a sthe checks is good?' To the
tune of "Old Black joe" he mace
this further lyrical comment:
Gone are the days, when we
had to work for pay;
Now we'll be paid, just to keep
the Reds away;
Soak Uncle Sam for billion
bucks or so,
Because we hear the siren
voice of Old Red Joe.
Hes coming, he's coming, and
gosh, we dread him so!
"Oh, Massa Truman, save us,
please, from Old Red joe
The problem of having a Com
munist to resist was solved mag
nificently when Joseph Stain HIM
self, impersonated by Gridiron
member, strolled into the cannlbal
court. His appearance convinced
the cannibals that Uncle Sam was
really giving service: He don't only
pay you to keep out de Communists
he even furnishes de Communists
to keep out"
Tells About 1t in Tune.
Stain offered to organize the re-
uuired Communist opposition, and
went ahead to tell about 1t to the
tune of Dark Eyes" with heavily
rolled RS" and thick Russian
accent:
Here no Wolga flows,
mo Si-bee-rian SHOWS;
"Yet, I weel fros-trate,
"Dee-wide, and daw-mee-nate!
II teach you to say
Words in Raw-shun way,
MET means No can do
"Also, 'nyuts to you"
Before Stain got far with his or
ganizing, he was interrupted by the
arrival of a character portraying
Secretary of State George Mar
shall. An argument developed sir1-
unanimously, Marshall insisting-to
the tune of Anything You Can Do"
that he could better Stalin's best:
Marshall:
i've got all the dough
"You say, 'Nichevor
But I say that cash counts
'And it does.
I'm the spending one,
You're the shouting one;
81 can fight with dollars
"And I will!
ANY price you can pay, I can
60 higher.
"I can top any bid offered by
you"
Stain: mo you can't"
Marshall: yes can"