The Wilmington morning star., 1947-02-02
Along Broadway
Rv WALTER
EDR,s GIFT FOR LAUGHTER

blonde and brunette at a dinner taple. WheH
the blonde asked which one ne preferred, the
diplomat answered: The one VINO WIN lavof
me with a look. But the lady wasn't salts
fled inouiring: Suppose we were both drown
ing-which one would you rescue?'. .laley-
rand retorted that he would help both. or
the one in the greatest danger. But she
was persistent: Suppose the peru was equal-
" imminent?'. He gamely rephed that ne
would give his right hand to the olonoe ana
the left to the brunette. ."Hut II you coulu
save only one. which one would you choose?'
T.11evr,nd intoned: We'll, madame, you
know so many things, 1 suppose you could
SWIM"
During the Yalta Conference AP newsboy
Douglas Cornell inquired: How OLD are you'
Mr.. President"
FDR replied: according to the calendar,
nv age is 81, but when there IS "orh 10
he done. I'm IS years old"
Among the yarns you'll find in all Roose-
Welt biographies is this one: AT a Press Oiuo
dinner in Washington FDR handed OUT MS
AUTOGRAPH freely. One of the neWs1neh oecloeo
las q ioke) to trick the President into placlng
his Signature on a document. On a sup o..
n.ner he wrote out an order assigning hlmsen
as Ambassador to the Norm Fole ano p"eoeo
if on for Roosevelt's signature.
When the paper was handed back 10 MIN,
he saw that FDR had initiated it instead. OF
signing his full name. For NORM Foie ne
had substituted ''South Pole with the no.
tation: Sorry North Pole already occupied.
The White House attracts much odd mall.
FDR once received a ditty penned by an
embryonic songsmith who requested ms ala IN
Getting the song published. 1t was a 1--WE III
replete with meaningless lyrics. .RooseVelt
nenned this comment on the song sheet:
Nowadays, what isn't worth sayhg-ls put
to music!"
After a legislator popped-off with a series
Of vicious attacks against fDh' a iIleio ~
ouired why he never bothered to reply to the
beIittler. Roosevelt snapped: He Will get
an answer when he proves that he deserves
a listener"
IF there were elderly ladies in the audience
during the exhibition of films at the Whlte
House, FDR enjoyed teasing them by making
mildly risgay comments about the trim torsos
of the actresses on the screen. And when
he heard the shocked gasps of the elderly
ladies. FDR would roar.
Roosevelt led the fight to abolish the open
ly flouted Prohibition law. He pointed out:
1.-THE difference between an rnwritten and a
written law seems to be that the former is
often enforced"
While he was Governor of New York FDR
arrived at his office accompanied by a friend.
A number of men we're in the anteroom wait
ing for him. He paused as he passed through
and relayed an ancient quip. Later his friend
told him that it was a very old Joke.
81 know Roosevelt laughed. But I wanted
to find out which of those fellows wanted
favors. They were the ones who laughed"
Many of FDR's speeches cracked with
crisp wordage. One Of his sharp observations
has always stuck in our mind. 1t was a rap
against the greedv-gangs.
To wit: '"They are trying to clip the wings
of the American Eagle In order to feather
their own nests"
A correspondent for a ladies' mag once in
terviewed Roosevelt and requested his opin-
ions about marriage. I'd promptly %quipped:
'Matrimony seems to be a process by which
the grocer gets an account the haberdasher
once had!"
There was nothing FDR d~espised more than
bigots and snobateurs who are always bragg
Ing about their ancestry.
He reminded one of them: "You can't
choose your ancestors, but that's fair enough.
They probably wouldn't have chosen you'll"
Roosevelt once moved down a political op-
ponent with: ''He has a one-track mind and
it doesn't even go in the right direction!"
FDR expert1y guided the Ship of State
through the most perilous years of American
history. There were times when the future
looked dark. but Roosevelt never lost faith.
When problems seemed insurmountable and
his aides became pessimistic. D would
perk them up by repeating an observation
he had read as a youth: Some people worry
because roses have thorns, while others are
grateful that thorns have roses"
There can be no arguing the fact that
Roosevelt was the greatest public speaker OF
all fine Before one of his Fireside Chats, a
radio announcer asked him the secret OF MS
oratorical success.
FDR explained: 81 learned a long time ago
how not to dilute a two-minute idea with a
tWo-hour vocabulary"
Roosevelts pet anecdote was the oldie about
the man who on losing his sight and hear
ing, visited a doctor to see what was the
matter. The doctor told the patient that he
could retain his faculties if he would stop
drinking. Six months later the doctor passed
the man on the street and asked him if he
had followed his advice.
"No," the man replied. cater the things
I've been seeing and hearing I decided L
wouldn't be missing much, so I'd rather
drink
FDR disliked stuffed shirts and tried to
steer clear of them. After being bored by
one such visitor, Roosevelt cracked: "The
reason there is so much humor in the world
is because there are so many persons who
take themselves seriously!"
After he heard a pompous p~olitico proclaim:
II must run for office. I hear my country
calling me-" FDR quipped: "He must be a
ventriloquist!"