The Wyandotte news-herald. (Wyandotte, Mich.) 1943-1963, 1946-03-14
by
strauss
santz
Open Letter
To My Favorite
Undertaken. Ralph Nixon

OnQSk lokcEs 4hoASA AsA
My dear Ralph:
Well, here we be, back together
again all in one piece and
for a while longer not good pros
pect for your business. Wouldn't
have come home but got lonesome
for q sniff of chlorine gas and
some SCOT in my eye. Besides, when
I ran out of thousand dollar bills
the Florida Chamber of Commerce
gave me the buns rush. They don't
want any newspapermen down there
cause we are too ignorant to be
rich.
Guess it's only fair to tell you
that I'm busted. Hope we can still
b.. friends even though can't
afford to die. Really had to hurry
home cause in another few days
would have needed a haircut. The
last one I got down there cost
s4.45. For that much money Milt
Murphy will sell me half interest
in his barber shop.
Maybe you heard that my first
few days in Miami weren't so good.
The doctors called it long TWEEN
ty-five cent word =. which means
burning the candle at both ends.
All I could do was sit under a palm
tree and watch the mink coats float
by. One day three old women walked
past looking down at me real
sorrowful like. Ten minutes later
they came back. Two of them stood
at a distance and bowed their heads.
The third laid a wreath at my feet.
Those were the last old women I
looked at. After that I began to feel
better.
AS soon as you hit the Florida
state line you begin to pay through
the nose. At the hotel my room was
$50 a day. That was a cheap one.
They advertised. Beautiful Private
Beach" For five dollars a week
extra they rent you a beach chair.
For another five they throw in an
umbrella. I wanted beach mat,
too. That was another seven bucks.
It was q nice hotel, though. They
had q private parking spot Tor
guests cars. That was another ten.
When I left the management was
figuring out an Improvement for
next wear. They are going to put
nickel coin machines on the bath
room doors.
In our hotel the cigarette girl
was beautiful and dumb ike
fox. She refused to insult the
guests BY offering them back their
change. After a few weeks began
looking around for long butts.
Never again will I write anything
Insulting about the food at Don's
Lunch. How can you enjoy a good
meal and worry about the national
debt at the same time? Every time
ate q steak I wondered what
merchant in wyandotte was buying
a fun page ad to pay for it. 1t got
me so upset switched to peanut
butter sandwiches so could enjoy
'em.
Everyone In Florida Is million
aire. They ten you without even
asking. After winter Of Miami
hospitality the banks up north will
do a land office business in second
MORTGAGES. When all the phonies
down there wake up and go home
they Will wish they had all the
money they talked about owning
One man at my hotel was telling a
tall story about his riches. May
drop dead II I'm not telling the
truth" he said. Gee. Ralph, right
then and there I was wishing YOU
had a branch office In Miami.
The newspapers down there art
very courageous and every year
they put on a drive to clean out
the gamblers and racketeers. Only
they don't get around to puttine
on their yearly crusade till the sea.
son Is all over :. then they hollel
Ike he'll.
II you drive your car through 6
red light the police soak you TWEEN
ty-five bucks. Then again you car
run a gambling joint wide oper
and get the police to handle thu
crowds for free. Everybody gamble
IN Florida. The only sure thing i
Mat you viii go home broke.
Sitting on the beach Is very edu
eating. II you notice any girl parked
on the sand alone for more thar
i've minutes you can bet she has
lace only a mother can love. Ate
n few weeks down there / wen
historical took a trip to al
indian settlement. Another news
oaperman with me remarked hoy
Tat and sloppy the Indian maiden
we're. That started an argument
I thought they looked pretty nice
That night I decided that mayb
4 was time for me to come home
Wen, got TO close now. Ralph
md go back to work. Sorry to dis
Dpoink you again and get .
asithy. Better luck next time.
GtraySs