The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1946-09-09

Aunt Matte was the self con-
stituted and undisputed BOSS OF
the entire family. Hardly any
one dared make move without
first consulting her. Fortunately,
having dispensed several hours
of advise, she would become
bored with the whole business
and send the consultee off. What
they did afterwards was no con-
Germ Of hers. She figured she had
done her part by giving advice.
If a great-grandniece was go
ing to have a baby, Aunt Matte
promptly took over Natures
work, predicted its sex, gave full
instructions for its delivery and
subsequent rearing, and then,
when the finished product was
brought to her for inspection,
likely as not she'd label it f'the
sorriest -lookin' young-uf1 / ever
laid eyes on Going to be cross
eyed. wouldn't wonder. Chances
are it will never live to have its
first birthday Or she'd become
heavily humorous and demand:
Where's its tail2' H
If a granddaughter contemplate
ed change Of job, Aunt Matte
would give him a confidential
talking to, reviewing for him the;
economic conditions of the Cow
eminent since 1850, with emf.
phasis on the panies and crashes
and usually left him with the
feeling that the only possible
change for the better would be-
for him to blow his brains out
and be done with it, for all the
good his continuing to live and
struggle would do him.
What she really enjoyed was
a good, juicy marital problem in
the family to deal with. The
special discourse she reserved for
this eventuality took approxi-
matefy four hours from the mo-
inent she impaled the listener
with a beady black eye to thet
time they went limp with mental !
and physical exhaustion and had
to be helped out Of the room, |
given a large, undiluted swig OIL
what was known in the family !
as ''tonic,'' and sent on their |
way swearing to leave the colin-
try at the earliest opportunity so
as to avoid second torture |
session.
The only thing in her late |
years that could distract herf
into beatific mood was the
dinner bell. Like so many aged 1
people, she enjoyed the sight and /
smell of food. After she had lost
ler teeth and had to grind her
gums on rnushy cereals, soups +
and mashed vegetables, she still I
shifted appreciatively at hearty /,
-oasts and rich spicy desserts. Z
During meals she RECALLED the L
able members with tales of +
boards piled high with i
courses such as the II
more fortunate of the antebelluln |
southern aristocracy had enjoy n
ID. She held present-day cook Il
,ry, manner of serving and gen
raj mealtime atmosphere ini
,reat disdain, comparing themI
extremely unfavorably with /
hose of years past. It was her |
opinion, very frequently voiced,
hat nothing fit to eat had been
ooked for at least fifty years. N
Once a year, on her birthday,
Aunt Matte held high court. 1t
,ecame the family custom to
father at my Aunt Lola's house
m July 10th, rain, shine, come
high wind and water, tornado, n
earthquake or anything else.
Every able-bodied member Of the |
arnilys including in laws. vas
to show up, acts of God |
Notwithstanding to the contrary. |.
Failure to appear was high trea-
on or worse, and Aunt Matte |
lever forgot the slight nor for |
rave the perpetrator of this vile
act. Death alone was considered1
l valid excuse for non-atter1d- il
nee, and even then Aunt Mat
lie took the attitude that the de- |
ceased had done the whole thing
IN purpose to call attention to
himself and thereby detract from 4
he general excitement and CLAM !
,r of Her Day.
Nobody could understand why !,
Aunt Matte elected to spend the
asst fifteen years of her life with
Lola and Mack, her grand !,
and grandson,
because as far back as 1890 Aunt
Matte had branded Mack as the
most stupid of her kinfolk, and
had always considered Lola the
least desirable member OF the
huge group of in-laWs.
The Lola-Aunt Matte feud be-
gan at the formers wedding
along about 1895. Aunt Matte, as
usual, was the self-constituted
charge d'affaires. She was the
first one on deck, got everywhere
before anyone else. supervised