Evening star., 1946-06-26

again. Any minute now, I'm going
to get one of those greetings from
the President. The last one I got
was signed by Mr.. Roosevelt and
this one will be signed by Mr.. Tru-
man, granting me all the privileges
of the United States Army.
I hope I do get this summons for
more than one reason. Firstly, it
will spare the induction of an 18-
year-old boy, and there's nothing
in the world that would please me
more than for my ancient and
creaking frame to do the job of
strapping, six-foot, 18-year-old boy.
Middle Age Question.
While we're discussing this matter,
let me ask just why a man in his
middle 30s, or his late 30s, or
his early 40s should be called
on to do what is so obviously
youngsters job. During my time in
the Army, saw middle -aged men
fight and die. saw men, who had
to wear double -lensed glasses to be
able to see six feet, help establish
a beachhead. Now, and I ask you
once more, what would be so wrong
if an 18-year-old boy had to go into
the Army for year or two and face
nothing tougher than an ocean trip.
comfortable quarters, and a con-
quered enemy who bowed when he
walked down the street?
I'll be glad to be called again. I'll
be glad. because I will know how
to behave myself in the Army.
The first time man goes in
the Army he goes in there
dewey-eyed, scared to death of lieu
tenants, captains, colonels, corpo-
rails, majors, sergeants, generals. Let
anybody say, Boo" and he jumps
to attention, salutes four times and
says his prayers. 1t is such a new,
weird world that 1t is impossible for
him to act normal
But the second time around-well
you've heard of goldbricks. haven't
you?
1 will be the biggest goldbrick in
the history of the United States
Army. They will not call me Nc
Lemore, but Yukon Ike" Every
shortcut will be utilized to its yery
best. I know now how to get out
OF KIP, reveille, retreat, and every
onerous duty in the Army. I know
whose apples not to polish. I know
how to miss drill, how to get on the
sick call every morning, how to get
more food from the mess hall, how
to make the captain of your COM
pany think you're a whale of a
soldier.
Knows All the Jobs.
I know every easy job there is in
the Army I know the advantage
OF being a company clerk, and I
know the benefits to be derived from
making friends with the platoon
leader and the platoon sergeant.
Unless you have been in the Army
and when I speak of the Army I
speak of the infantry-you cannot
possibly know what soft life can
be led by any one who fully under
stands the ropes.
AT my age, which Is mighty close
10 4O, man just can't stand two
wars II he insists on going all out"
learned the Manual of Arms the
last time 1 was in the Armv and
my muscles still ache from the hours
OF instruction. During my service
overseas never found that the
Manual OF Arms was very useful in
hghtlng the japanese. also learned
now 10 Jump nine-foot ditch while
carrying on my back every item that
the Quartermaster Corps stocks, I
nave yet to see an infantryman
leap nine-foot ditch in pursuit
OF Jap.
So, when I am drafted again
and I hope they'll give me INV old
number, 347932O3-I am going to tell
my superlors that I don't want to 90
through any of this foolishness anv
more. All 1 want is pair of shoes
that MT, a canteen that doesn't leak
ana gun that shoots. I want to
oe shipped right out, preferably to
Budapest. I know and love Buda-
pest and they tell me that for one
American dollar there's practically
nothing you can't get in Budapest
ana nave always wanted a watch
With Swiss movement.
distributed by McNaught Syndicate. 1rc