Browning chief. [volume] (Browning, Mont.) 1941-1953, 1946-05-31
CHAPTER XIX

He jerked himself back angrily.
He had given her the chance to be
happy and she had used it; if happi-
ness brought its own penalties that
was not his fault or hers. She had
a great deal to lose. Nobody knew
what the war might do to this coun-
try before it was over, and the whole
fabric of her life and her children's
future might be ripped to shreds in
the days to come. She had made
that clear to him when she said, IF
my world is shot to pieces again l
can't go back and start over. l did
that once" Elizabeth did not sus-
pect that when he heard her say
that he had nearly burst out sobbing
with defeat. He had been SO sure,
back in 1913, that when he gave her
the chance to start over it was the
chance to build for permanence.
Now he had no consolation to give
her, or to give himself-nothing but
nothing to do but go on telling her
what he had already tried to tell
her: that in the final analysis life
consisted mostly of doing things one
did not want to do, and the only way
to keep any self-respect through the
whole Wretched business was to look
squarely at what had to be done and
then 60 ahead and do it.
Now he had to tell Dick the same
thing. Not tell him to 60 to war,
that Dick was ready to do; but he
could understand from the boys
awkward little letter that now Dick
wanted to be told what it was all
about. 1t would be so much simpler
if Dick could be left with the idea
that it was merely matter of kill
ing Japs and Germans before they
killed.
Kessler turned to his typewriter,
holding the paper with his thumb
and forefinger while he turned the
platen with the other three fingers,
made steady by the pressure OF his
palm. He wrote:
My Dear Dick,
Can you come around Sunday aft
ernoon about three? Margaret is
learning to skate and will be at the
ice-rink with her playmates, SO we
can count on not being interrupted.
I'll be very glad to see you.
Your friend,
Erich Kessler.
Dick arrived at ten minutes to
three. They did not waste any time
on preliminary courtesies. Dick had
lot to ask and he Immediately
started asking it.
"You see," said Dick, I'm just
about to be eighteen, and as soon as
I'm eighteen I'll get into the service.
Maybe I'll join up before then. 1
kind of like the Marines. That's okay
I'm not saying I'd join the Ma
rines if there wasn't a war, but there
is war, so that's what you do, the
Marines or whoever will have you.
But there are some things" He
hesitated.
1.-THE day of Pearl Harbor I was
so mad I could have Lit into every
Jap gardener I saw and it burned
me up to think I couldn't do any,
thing about it. just wanted to kill
them. l still do. The Japs, mean.
I never did get that excited about
the Germans, guess it was be-
cause they were going after other
people but it was the Japs who had
tried to sink the whole Navy when
the Americans weren't doing any,
lii 70 fhn,,, Thu
don't mean because you're a Ger
man, anyway you never do seem
like one-but I'd been hearing about
Hitler practically all my life and l
guess I'd got kind of used to him."
81 suppose you would" Kessler
observed thoughtfully. You were
eight years old when he burned the
books"
"Well, l was pretty innocent my
self until just lately" Dick con-
fessed with confiding wisdom. II
thought wars were just wars, be-
cause somebody had to run the earth
and it had better be your side than
their side, and mostly wars were
fought to take care of trade and
profits and it was principally the
Morgans who got US into the last
one, and we'd never have been in
this one if the Japs had minded their
own business. Now I see that's not
right, you can't go along letting
things happen the way they are hap
pening, things like Margaret mean.
But what want to know is, what
can say to my mother and father?
I can't just 60 off and have them
smiling and shriveling up inside
the way they are doing. Don't think
my mother has said anything to me,
Mr.. Kessler! She hasn't. She won't
either.
"Let her and your father under
stand that you know what you're do
ing" Kessler answered. Don't let
them believe that you're going off
grinning, as you express it, just
% - 30 11< 81 b. II