The Wilmington morning star., 1946-07-30
Fair Enough
BY WESTBROOK PEGLER
Copyright, 1916, by King Features Syndicate
IncOrpOrated)

BY WEsTBROOK PEGLER
Copyright, 1916, by King Features Syndicate
Incorporated)
NEW YORK, July 81 was having a beer
with Jimmy Petrillo orc night of late and,
after. some light, insulting banter, Little
Caesar said: Look are you open to a propo-
sition?''
'Do YOU mean what ! think you mean?"
I swered hopefully.
NO." MI. P. said, nothing like that.
ut is 2 clean proposition he said. IF
get to be president Of these glorious United
States Of A., and it looks like it is going to be
me or john l.. Lewis, can l count on you for
Secretary OF Labor?'
For SIS, 900 a year: less income taxes?''
I said, and flop in some piano crate on the
Anacostia flat like the bonus crowd did that
time, and bum old no-account potatoes around
the wholesale market ard limp old carrots
and a hunk of horse here and there and cook
it over sticks and twiss in a pot outdoors in
the rain like a jungle-bum and I have to
sneak into the gents at the Willard or the
Mayflowe, with my tackle in my pocket to
shave the face and pick up butts around the
Union Station except I probably get invited
to some high-tone society debauches and may
be l can scrounge a handful Of gaspers and
sneak a half a chicken into the flask pocket
and I suppose you viii want me to get up
the regular 10 per cent Of the gross for the
campaign funds and day after day nothing
but messing around with Bridges and Curran
and old Dan Tobin and the communists print
ing cartoons with me in a plug hat and dollar
signs all over my vest and buns picketing
the office and you pick me a secretary who
cleans the waste-basket every night and takes
the trash over to some union headquarters
and they run taps on my phone and anyway,
how am I going to take care OF my loved ones
and what about my insurance and, even If
I do make some good decision like saying
you buns in the union Jacket have got to
recognize free competition 50 a good man
doesn't have to work for the same pay they
give a tramp. why they will 60 hollering to
their president and you will tell them not to
pay no mind To the Secretary Of Labor So I
put in four years writing doodles on a pad
and I have to keep the trap shut to show I
am loyal to our great, beloved leader. that's
you"
THAT certainly is me- Mr.. Petrillo agreed.
like that time in Chica 60, the boys OF my
local they wouldn't let me resign as president
when I got elected the national president by
our wonderful free democratic process, and
they insist on keeping me at $40, 900 a year
on top O. my national salary and expenses
and a new car every year and the chauffeur,
too, and then give me a house and I am so
surprised l lean against the scenery In our
little hall and cry with emotion and then by
luck it turns out we happen to have a couple
OF half-bsrrels Of good draft beer on hand
and dill pickles and ham and swiss on rye and
l realize 7 can't let them down 50 I accept
to be their beloved leader until"
Don't interrupt me- l said. because
am weighing your proposition pro and con
and l am thinking about poor little Jimmy
Byrnes and he don't tell us how old he is but
l Will stand on my head for every hour he is
under 66 or 81 years old and all but six wears
Tor the last n years ne has been working for
peanuts in Congress and then in Al, his friend.
Mr.. Big, gives him a sott touch on the S1-
preme Court for 2 1000. minus taxes, but that
only lasts about is months and his old pal
persuaoes MIN to resign and then it is eco
nomlc sterilization and war mobilization and
a lot OF laps and headaches no matter what
ne does for peanuts again and now we load
MIN onto planes and flap him all over the
world IN lousy weather and Muzzletov makes
a bum Of him because Roosevelt thought he
was so dam smart and shot off his face at
Yalta and all those places so here is a poor
guy that ought to be turned out to pasture on
a pension around $25. 00C a year and all he
gets is abuse and I will bet il you paid IS to
frisk him you would lose money after all his
years.
mo union" Mr.. P. said. Congress. too
No union"
Shut up, please" I said, land CONGRESS-
the same way and we paid dumb sweepers
$50 a week during the war and a congress
mans take-home isn't only about twice that
but you don't have 10 get elected sweeper
or stand the expense of a primary and keep
a home III your district and another in D. c.
and always paying their own expenses back
home Tor funerals and S. a smash for flowers
and tickets for raffles and dances every week
and it used to be a part-time job three months
a year but now it is absolutely full time and
abuse from every one and then you take a
federal Judge and a lot Of them are strictly
high-class lawyers worm up to 500, 900 a year
and we pay them aoodt $3.50 a week, net,
while a lot Of ambulance chasers that thew
amt fit to even carry their law-books whv
they knock down from $4,000 to $500, 900 a
crack As easy as breaking sticks and so YOU
want me to serve my beloved countrymen
for SIS, 600 less taxes srd a lot of bum COM
munists always calling ME a fascist
II do not wish to hurry the pitchers de
livery, Mr.. Petrillo said. "but the bartenders
are putting the stuff bach in the racks and
the sweeper just broke my leg with that
broom, and 1 am afraid the game might he
called, so could you let me have vo11r d.
cision?"
IT am AFRAID I will dlsappoint nv great
beloved leader I SAID, 'but OWING to 49,
sonal considerations and all this and that xhv
to hell with Secretary of Labor or senator
and judge too, with deep appreciation of vo1r