The Wilmington morning star., 1946-07-11
Fair Enough
BY WEsTBRoOK PEGLER

cans, until all of a sudden the old lady let cut
a boiler like you would have thought somebody
had jabbed her with an ice pick and started
around the room squawking and muttering like
crazy, and the cid man he sat there with his
bag open like a garage door, he was so startled
and then he said: Dream Girl" Mr.. Spelvin
said, what seems to be eating my ethereal.
toothesome little trippet, because I am so spiri
tually attuned to your slightest moods that you
cannot conceal from me that something has
disturbed your inner serenity so you better
tell your gallant knight and I will soothe your
fret away"
"You are positively psychic Mrs. S. said,
land it is uncanny the way you can read my
emotions and it is just Ike a girl cannot have
any secrets from you, but anyway did you read
where she said on tne Fourth of July the
maids from both her house and her sons
house went off watch IN the afternoon For a
picnic so they combined and had a picnic of
their own and cooked their own steaks over
the charcoal grill and it was quite the best
meat they had in a long time and 1 seem to
recall we used to have a maid of our own
once back in the evil days of yours but on
this Fourth of July I spent the morning doing
the wash and the dam washing machine blew
the front door off and then l had to sop it all
up from all over the kitchen floor and under
the stove and do it again by hand and there 1
am celebrating our glorious independence day
and the dear old sacred heritage and so forth
out in the patch hanging up the clothes and
then the lousy
Mother" Mr.. Spelvin said. remember you
are a lady"
"Your infatuation deceives you, my hero,'
Mrs. Spelvin said, because what I am is not
any lady but a cook and ash-wo and a
scullion and so then the lousy whirlygig that
l am hanging out the clothes on why it has
got a kind of knee in the shaft so you can fold
it away and not mar the sylvan beauty of our
voluptuous 50-foot front estate and this dam
knee decided to knee1 down and so down goes
the wash and then back into the sink for a
third time and here she is talking about the
maids, end not just one maid so long I would
be bashful at a big society Debauch on Park
Avenue because 1 wouldn't know whether to
call them Your Royal E1ghness' or just Ma
dam and when it comes to cooking their din
ner l would get nervous prostratlon hoping l
am doing it just to their taste and her son,
well he and the old man they trim old John
Hartford for 200 gees and Jesse Jones he winds
up holding the poke for four grand but maids
he has got just the same or anyway at least
one maid, like she says, and that Is just one
hundred per cent more maids than Mr.. and
Mrs. G. Spelvin have had since old Hattie
went off to make a patriotic sacrifice for the
war effort at $78.66 a week, counting over
time, and that frowsy old bag didn't have the
intelligence to fan hot soup and she wants
$3.50 a month to come back and her wek-ends
off and, Of course. no washing and probably
her breakfast in bed and I certainly wish
your old grandpaW was a hop smuggler in
China instead of just a brakeman on the Cot
ton belt and you had been an immortal cham
pion of human freedom so me and our poor
boy, Dummy, could run a grind keeping your
memory green in the heart Of mankind, like
selling souvenir postcards and lectures and
radio and writing the story of your life and
then maybe on Fourth Of July I would let my
maids have a halliday off and we could amuse
ourselves by playing mumbledy-peg and II
would cook you some quite the best steaks we
have had in a long time instead of standing in
a line from half past six in the morning and I
am number 46 and when I get up to the coun-
ter why that axe-murderer all he has got for
me is nope they amt got even baloney and
we have been living on quite the best hopes in
the market for more than a year now and if
I do say it myself, we spare no pains or ex-
pense in procuring the finest imported hopes
from the f~ar-flung markets of the world and
how would you like your hopes this evening,
Gallahad. fried, au gratin or au nuts?"i
Sweet delicate petal from the heart of a
rose,' Mr.. Spelvin said, II hope you will not
forget your station in life and remember that
there are some who are born to rule us and
bring us the blessings of their benevolent wis
QOIl n lLlSOllle taxes 10 puy LOCOMOTIVES Tor
the communists and aeroplanes for Henry Nor
genthau and shrines when they die instead of
even paying their own upkeep for the grave
yard and you take me and 1 am not beefing
because l have been on KIP for two years
steady and washing the windows and dry
ing the dishes and smacking up the beds with
loving help meet Or jockey for the va
CUM, because willing hands make light work
and that is our station and we are the COM
mon man and even if we did used 10 have a
maid, although it certainly did tax my in
genuity hiding my toddJ from her, first in
the laundry hamper, then in the woodpile and
under the back stairs, and we used to have
steak ourselves and Sunday even roast beef
sometimes. Don't forget we have got those
four freedoms and you remember we were
nothing but slaves under Coolidge and Hoover
and l can still see the welts on my wrists
where the chains were, SO remember your
place and never let ME hear you speak en-
viously ct your superiors no more. Just pre-
tend like even if you haven't got no maid the
elfs and brownies do your work.
Il kneel at your feet. my wonder-man "
Mrs. Spelvin said, land beg you to overlook
my rash intemperance, and now what about a
tasty mess Of imported V1ennese hopes on the
half-shell?'
II ~" "YNN1~