Evening star., 1946-08-23

This column of today is the first
definite announcement that the 1948
United States presidential race will
go as I want it to 60. am the head
of new and powerful bloc of vot-
ers, which has the strength to turn
the tide as it sees fit. One word
from me, and the Republican ele-
phant will splash in the White
House pool for four years. Another,
and different word from me, and
the Democratic donkey will bray and
browse on the clipped lawn of the
Pennsylvania avenue home.
In one hand, I hold the fate of
Stassen, Bricker, Taft, Vandenberg,
Dewey, and all the other Republican
aspirants. In the other, I hold Mr..
Truman, Wallace, and so on.
Our Common Cause.
The voters 1 control are so welded
together by common cause that
there will not be a single defaulter.
We are the millions of men, past
the age of 35, who do not know how
to rumba, and who feel that this
dance importation from south of the
border should be under control of
an international board, which will
see to it that the rumbia is kept
in its proper place.
Every other dance piece played
in America today is a rumba. Mil
lions of men who, If it were not
for the rhumba, would go on to
serve fine, useful lives, are having
their brains shaken loose by this un-
natural gyration. The awful part
about the rhumba is that while
every other piece is a rhumba, every
other Of e1 person doesn't know how to
Not only does the rumba wreak
havoc on the bones Of men of middle
age, or nearing middle age, 1t is
devastating to the morale. A man
is fox trotting. Using the same
graceful, jerky steps he learned
when he was youngster in school,
he glides about the floor with su-
preme confidence Then, all of a
sudden the gourds start rattling, the
music hits a witch-doctor tempo,
and there he is. caught in the middle
of the floor. There is only one thing
for him to do. He has no alterna-
tive. He must, in the twinkling of
an eye, adapt his old, weather.
beaten fox-trot style into the slink
and sway of the Argentine way.
Dire Emergency.
One of the few things that a man
can do, in this dire emergency, is
raise his hands in a gesture of sur
render. spin dizzily, and dance all bv
himself, praying all the while that
when he has finished spinning his
partner will have had the good sense
to disappear. The chances are.
though, that when he comes out of
his spin, and gets control of himself
again, his partner will be there, a
little giddy from her spinning, but
ready to resume.
The rumba is made all the more
unpleasant by the few people who
can . dance it properly You can
spot 'em right away Even before
the music starts, they sit on the
edge of their chairs, ready to 60 with
the first rattle of the gourd. Once
on the floor, with, their hips dipping
and bouncing, they wear an express
sion that is pure-14-carat smugness
They always try to find a clear
space in the floor so they will be
conspicuous. I dare say there is
nothing more nauseating than a
man and wife, around middle age
who have taken two or three nights
off a week from the children, and
learned to rumba.
II you don't think there are
enough Of us rumba haters to be a
power at the polls, just pay attention
to the suffering of the men and
women when rumba is played a
the next dance you attend. Above
the music one can hear the groan-
ing Of the vertebrae, the whine OF
the hardening arteries, and the
cries for mercy of the muscles.
In 1948 all of us who have been
tortured by the gourds will march
straight to the polls and cast our
ballots for a man who, like us, be-
lieves that the rumba belongs tc
bobby-soxers and boobs.
Distributed by McNaught Syndicate, Inc.