Detroit evening times., 1945-05-07

SIDE
BY Damon
Runyon


=" haired sage of Information
Please" was in to see me not
long ago.
IL notice you are not writing
that column of general comment
any MORE" l said.
"No," said John.
II could have told you," SAID.
"Humph.' said John.
He had considerable renoun
as a sports columnist before he
went on the air 10 astound one
and all by the extent of his
knowledge about this and that
and one thing and another.
But while lending an astonish-
ing amount of exuberance and
zest to the sports column, John
always yearned TO write. quietly
rumlnative.
John became a national figure
- through Information Please
and | presume that with il came
greater financial independence
than he had ever had before. so
one day he made deal with the
editor Of another paper than the
one in which his sports column
appeared, 10 write a column on
any subject he pleased.
The enterprising operator OF a
newspaper syndicate heard Of
Johns new project and told
Johns new employers that his
vast fame as an Information
Pleaser." plus the entertaining
and brilliant writing that was
to flow from the kieran type
writer. made the column nat
ural for syndlcation. The en-
ployers said they did not mind
and John said he was agreeable
because he liked the syndicate
man personally
And sure enough the syndi-
cate fellow sold the column 10
3o or 40 papers all over the
country. John is not sure of the
exact number, though he re-
members the glee OF the syndi-
cater with this foundation
Johns column might have gone
far had he sat down and gone
In for little sensationallsm OF
some kind.
DCT what John did was 20
- write in the quietly runri-
native mood that he had been
planning all his life. Perhaps a
better description is that he
medtated 10 print. He wrote
well because John kieran can
not write any other way. but his
subjects were more the gentle
things Of life. his strain was
peace and tranquility. The Gus.
toners commenced running
away.
II could have told you"
said
Oh. yes. II was hlnted 10 John
that he might get IN a little
more blood and thunder 10 his
advantage but he continued az
he had started Presently ne
was down 10 his original one
paper whose readers enjoyed his
column. but then illness caused
him TO retire from the Job.
Maybe that sort of thing 10
not for me-" said John.
II could have told you" I
said.
What could YOU have told
me: he demanded
II could have told You that
beauty and tranquility and quiet
ruminAtion have no market
nowadays" | said y
81 COULD have told you that
L you would have to he a
statesman and m up the world
or do = little crussding or Join
the idiot school Of journalism of
which I am becoming an ea-
ponent." / said
81 still feel sorry for the syn
dicate man." John SAID. He IN
= nice fellow and he was dread
fully disappointed In me. But
perhaps II was all for the hest
because I have to take II easy
for awhile and ! am not going
To do any work outside Of radio.
Anyway. I am going around the
hospitals every week with other
fellows visiting the wounded.
and that keeps me pretty we'll
occupied"
John" I said earnestly,
"would you consider giving
beauty and tranquility and
meditation, ct cetera the brush
oh and write n column once or
twice = wsek on SPORT"
"No," said John. "And YOU
are no gentleman for asking"