davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
Z. ". DURLING

sergeant with a mustache? II
so. I'll wager one stogie he
wasn't an infantry sergeant.
QUERIES from clients. O.
VI What is the male angle on
what type of outfit makes a
woman appear most smartly
dressed?
A-COuldn't say. Never
checked on II. Probably
tailored suit that Ats perfectly.
That always. seems To give
female a touch OF class.
Q-Have there ever been
found two persons who had ex-
actly the same fngerprints?
A-NOt yet. But Ii Is not
impossible. However, the
chances that two such people
will be found are a septillion to
one.
$50 you claim TO know
London. All right. where is the
street in that city named Horse
mans Row?
A-Listen, when did I claim
To be an expert on London I?
Are you trying to win a stogie
from me by question: b q
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
a ouruH
AAA WIN NSEAavAOE Answers Veterans

O-I am expecting my first
/0 child in October. Since my
husband is overseas, would 1t
be better for me To file claim
for the Increased family allow
ance? MRS. +.
Ayes. Send a certified or
photoStat copy of the baby's
birth record 10 the appropriate
agency from which you receive
your family allowance checks.
,Entitlement TO the family allow
ance for the child begins in the
month in which the child is
born, regardless of when the
application is filed while the
father is in the service.
Q-My husband I'm the army
informed me before he went
overseas In June that he had
taken out a bond a month to be
sent to me. When will I receive
the first one? MRS. r.
Avery effort is being
made by the central war bond
offices TO process deductions,
issue and mail bonds as
promptly as possible, and it is
suggested that at least two 10
three months be allowed after
the date on which the bond is
expected before writing to the
War Bond Division, Adjutant
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

During fUe and tDsnty years.
An the clouds have silver Innings;
We've had laughter, i0e'Ve had
tears,
But we haven't had any fears.
I can really, truly say
You are NIL the World 10 me
On our silver anniversary,
Nor, and oit eternity,
And 10 prove u here's eleVen
OF our little bits Of heaven.
Carolyn Mary Collins.
above &C m e . from the
heart" poem written on the 25th
anniversary Of the marriage of
the author TO Bob Collins. Mr..
and Mrs. Collins have IL chill
dren.)
IN THE British army the
l. mustache is very popular.
Eighty per cent of the British
senior officers, 90 per cent Of
warrant officers and 60 per cent
of sergeants have mustaches.
Only 2 per cent OF the men IN
the u. S. Army sport mustaches.
Did you ever see a Y. S. Army
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

Morning World he conceived the
notion of hiring a famous Brit
ish dramatist to serve a spell as
dramatic critic.
1t sounded fine on paper but
didn't work out.
Among other things the
dramatist was a bowling wolf.
The pFettiest and most bril-
liant girl on the staff one day
swept into Swope's office and
declared angrily:
you'll have TO do something
about that decrepit Lothario out
there. 1 can write good copy
and i can fight for my honor.
but I'm damned II I can do
both at the same time"
QUOTATION Workmanship:
Vt DR.. &. +. M. Joad: Victor
ians were allowed only one wife.
This was called monotony.
j. M. Barrie: You cannot ex-
pect 10 be both grand and COM
Portable.
Swift: Taverns are places
where madness is sold by the
bottle.
Raymond Moley: A politi-
cal war is a war in which every
one shoots from the lip.
War is the grim wastebasket
where falls the torn understand
ing OF men.
Goethe: There is nothing
more terrifying than ignorance
in action.
o. Wilde: A man can be
happy with a woman-as long
as he doesn't love her.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
MARY HAWORTH'S MAIL

who voiced poor opinion of
me.
lie says / am affectionate to
everyone but him.
When / ask if that doesn't
signify something TO him, he
gets angry and refuses 10 listen.
II act quietly disgusted, he
says ! feel sorry for myself.
He is a good husband in
other ways, and in his better
moods (which are rare1 he says
there is nothing wrong with
me.
| had college training.
He did not, but he has intel
ligence.
However, he i7as no old
friends-just new ones. What do
you think of US? +. Is.
DEAR F. 3
NOUR husbands behavior sug-
L gests that he is unSchooled
in the A-B-Cs of genteel de-
pertinent.
He feels decidedly inferior 10
You and tries 10 build himself
up in his own estimation by
tearing you down
Mental dyspeptics like him
are invariably dissatisfied with
themselves. Rnd If he were 10
make a list of the faults he i'm
putes TO you and look in the
mirror, he would see whom the
indictment fits.
II you would learn TO live in
harmony, YOU must give Joint
attention 10 spiritual growth,
as outlined in Henry Drum
mond's little classic, The
Greatest Thing in the World"
still published. believe. by
Harper & Brothers. Get a copy
Of this treatise on love and
practice its precepts faithfully
both Of you. VI. n.
EDITORS NOTE-Mory Ha.
worth eounssIs through her col
urn, not BY mail or personal
intsrView. Write her in care Of
The Detroit Times.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
One Word Led to Another

BY Ray Thompson
This Detroit Times
By Arthur Bugs" Baer

I'm going to brush up old theme wrote first in
1927 when was browsing around Europe in kddy
kar with built-in traffic jams
Along the Rhine the Danube, the channel, the Apen-
mines and places too to be worthwhile noticed
belgerent statues of bygone muggs in nmble granite
Every hero pointing the frontier at other
equally bronze dukes who pointing back in supreme
audacity
1t then l suggested that Europe might improve
its accumulated neighborness it performed bit of
dgital operation the pugnacous memorials and re-
moved the index fingers
Most prominent and plentiful Of the heroic crop
Bismarck, Fritz the First Nelson, Peter the Egotistc
Napoleon the Once and Charles the Dozenth At the
time there a peculiar totemesque mask of
crackaoo starting to appear the walls fences and sign
posts Of Italy
1t was stencil which combined the static queru-
ousness of the death mask of Beethoven with the
dignity of Napoleon The combination made the
loose Mussoni who to plunge the world into the
worst Of all time
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

World War with an aggrandize-
ment OF territory comparable TO
its gains obtained al the close
Of the first World War.
WE ARE a people of only
w some 100000 burdened
by a staggering debt and con-
fronted at home with domestic
problems the solution of which
promises 10 call for enormous
d ditional expenditures of
money which the American
people must find in the form Of
taxes.
The British spokesmen who
are proposing 10 obtain from us
from three 10 six billions Of
money, which our government
does not possess, but would
have 10 borrow, are repre-
senting an empire with a popu-
lation Of more than 400. 0.000,0o0
people. an empire which ex-
tends into every continent and
every ocean on the earth.
The British empire, which so
often has seemed on the verge
OF collapse. but which never
yet has done so. has come out
Of the war more strongly knit
together than ever before.
The United States is con-
fronted by a stubborn fact
which IL will be difficult to get
around-the fact that the en-
pire is a close corporation
within which is tariff pref
erence system detrimental TO
American foreign trade.
I'VE ARE proposing on our
w part that this preference 10
the empire units he done away
with. The roots Of il are of ex-
-ceedingly deep growth. 1t is no
new thing.
The British Empire is in effect
a federal union. in which the
various members enjoy trade
privileges not shared by the
rest Of the world, including the
United States.
II we cannot penetrate these
economic defenses. or have
them abolished. we will be
handicapped in our postwar for
eign trade by being virtually
shut out Of the entire sterling
bloc"
The problem calls for extreme
realism on the part Of the
American representatives in
their discussions with Lord
Halifax and Lord Keynes.
Perhaps our position would
have been stronger II we had
not been in such a hurry to
ratify Breton Woods,
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

Yes, far less. If she loses
her husband through mere in
difference she, of course, feels
she has lost her charm, but IL
she loses him to another woman,
she has this feeling and the
added sense Of having been de-
feated. Sometimes, however,
the excitement of putting up a
good fight for the ornery cuss,
and raising Hail Columbia with
the other woman helps her 10
forget whether she has lost her
charm or not.
BUSY people, on the aver
age. At least we know that
highly intelligent are, as a rule,
the busiest people. We also
know that highly intelligent
people live longer than those Of
even average intelligence. The
logical conclusion is, therefore,
that the busy people live longer
than we lazy, indolent folks.
Intelligent people know better
how to care for their health.
They also make more money,
which enables them 20 live bet
ter and secure better medical
care.
3AYes. There is a prejudice
against the sons Of successful
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
WALTER WNCHELL .sxv On

THE Firstnightmares: The
i critics were haunted all
week by three new ciphers
which made drama-reviewing a
difficult assignment. Besides
having TO sit through a bad
play the reviewer had TO elbow
his way back TO the editorial
dept thru crowds of snaii-paeed
pedestrians.
The first small-timer was a
eombie named "A Boy Who
Lived Twice" This one brings
a cadaver back to life (on the
stage) while the script perishes
before your ears. Critic III.
Barnes provided the best epi-
taph with: "Preposterous Nom
sense"
The second zero ('Devils Ga
lore also employed the super
natural theme via a tepid tale.
1t was promptly pitch-forked
by the Satans on the aisles with
only the cast receiving any
mercy. After four perform
anceS il closed last night in
stead of last month.
Make Yourself at Home"
came down to earth with
feeble theme and was buried
In II In sum. a dismal week
-. 3 Plays; 3 Errors; 3 Out.
TIE Noon Pitchiz: Deanna
i DHfbin's Lady on a Train
sets an Atchison. Topeka and
Santa Fe pace via a sprightly
hoodunit committing between
goosepimples and the funny
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

received the gratuity pay and
I've reason to believe that his
wife did. How could she claim
this IL my son named me as his
beneficiary for all benefits?
A-The six months gratuity
pay goes automatically to a
widow of the soldier, regardless
of whether he designated any
other person as beneficiary.
The law requires that IL shall
be paid to a widow, without
designation and merely because
OF the fact of relationship.
Q-My husband said that he
made n voluntary Glass Il allot-
ment TO pay when he went over
seas How long does it take
for II TO be processed?
MRS. LA.
A-Ordinarily. Class < allot-
ments-of-pay are made effective
the first of the month follow
ing the month in which the
authorization form is executed.
Q-I am engaged to a soldier.
He wants TO make his govern
ment insurance payable to me,
rs his parents are not de-
pendent on him. Could he
name me as beneficiary?
MISS B. II.
A-No. A serviceman may
designate as beneficiary only
persons in the following groups:
Wife. child Including adopted,
stepehildFen. illegitiHate chill
dren), parents fincluding adop-
tive or those who have stood in
loco PARENTS TO the service
mani, brothers or sisters.
Q-For what reason or
reasons would the army take
away q soldiers battle stars?
G.. 8. X.
A-The war depart en- t
states that under no circum-
stances would the army take
away battle stars legitimately
earned by a soldier. There are
no army regulations authorizing
any such action.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

meansY Only street I know
named Horseman's Row ID In
Dublin, Ireland.
THE first musical organization
l. with which Bing Crosby was
associated with was Al Rinker's
Musicaladers of Spokane. Binz
banged the drum and rendered
the vocals for this outfit. Maybe
you knew that. But did you
know that the first horse
Crosby ever owned was a nag
named Zombis that he pur-
chased at Santa Anita for $SOOf
/ often wonder what became
OF Zombie. / must ask Bing
the next time I see him.
IN ENGLAND the auto horn
i is referred to az "the hooter.
/ recently read Of a man who
was arrested in London for
cloud and unnecessary footing OF
his hooter." Keep that in mind
IL YOU ever make an auto tour
of England. Don't go too strong
on footing your hooter. Espe.
cially on the kings highway.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

"TNHE fellow who drew only
Il one card was Oshima's
personal chef" said Mr.. Nader.
'I knew he had filled something
because he practically siZZled;
you could almost see smoke
coming out of his head.
"The two-card drawer ap-
peared a bit puzzled but he
kept raising back, although he
did not seem too happy about
IL. Oshima's chef, on the other
hand, was upping like mad.
Finally, with a couple Of
hundred bucks In the pot, the
two-card Jap called. With
grand flourish, Oshima's chef
laid down his hand. He had q
straight, queen high.
He was beaming all over
when the other Jap laid down.
He had n full house!
"Oshima's chef started to
rake In the dough, bat I halted
him. 1 explained that the other
fellow had won"
Mr.. Nader paused-and I
asked him what happened then.
Nothing much" said MIR.
Nader. "Oshima's chef dropped
dead"
Distributed By King Features synd. fhe.
Reproduction In whole or IN part
strictly prohibited.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

under the direction OF the physi-
cIan. lie will have 10 regulate
the dose depending upon the
reaction which occurs from lis
use.
Treatment Of the heart con-
ditlon is more important than
treatment OF the thyroid gland
trouble But the response Of
the heart 10 treatment Will be
disappointing unless thyroid ex-
tract is also administered.
THE first dose Of thyroid ex-
l. tract given is small. The
speed with which the dose is
increased depends upon the age
OF the patient. the duration Of
the disorder. and the amount
of damage 10 the heart which
has occurred.
II is always important for
person who has heart trouble 70
determine the cause b ef o e
treatment is undertaken. II il
IS found that there is a thyroid
deficiency. the use Of thyroid
extract in the proper dose is Of
extreme Importance.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
BETTER HEALTH
: BY Dr.. Herman Bundesen-

HEART conditions may arise
IL from various causes. High
blood pressure is responsible for
tr-t tam types OF heart disturb
ance An excessive amount OF
secretion from the thyroid gland
in the neck will also produce
permanent heart damage. II is
-a.Sa-a-tact that in HyxeaeHa,
which IS a condition due 10 TOO
little thyroid extract, heart dis
orders may arise.
u IS often difficult to tell. in
q patient whose heart disturb
ance has come from too little
thyroid secretion. Just what is
producing the difficulty. In
other words. the heart disorder
irterferes with the tests usually
made 20 determine whether the
thyroid gland is funct!oning
properly,
4 CCORDING 70 Or. Thomas
"A Hodge McGavack and his
Co-workcrs Of New York. one Of
the best tests for thyroid dis
turbanCe is 10 determine the
amount Of a certain substance
in the blood known as choleS-
terol. Cholestcrol is SUBJ
stance present in all the tissues
OF the body. When there is a
lack of thyroid secretion. the
amount Of cholesterol is de-
creased
Heart disorders do not affect
the amount OF cholesterol in the
blood Thus. If a person, suS-
pected Of having a thyroid de-
and heart trouble, is
found 10 have decrease Of
! icholesterol in the blood. II is
evident that the heart trouble
IS due 10 the thyroid gland dis
turbance.
II TREATING patients who
Il have both heart and thyroid
disorder, the giving Of thyroid
extract is necessary In all in
stances. but the amount must
be ad busted for each case. The
preparation should be used only
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
POLITICAL PARADE
BY George Rothwell Brown

4 MERICANS are showing a
"a disposition 10 look upon
Lord Halifax and Lord Keynes
as the spokesmen in Washing
ton Of heroic little England.
the brave nation which stood
off with enormous sacrifices the
instruments OF Hitler's rage and
hate.
But this is not a realistic
view Halifax and Keynes are
here as the special pleaders for
the largest and richest empire
the world has ever known. an
empire which undoubtedly Will
finally emerge from the second
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

have never had help Of any
kind, yet in addition to all the
housework, / have done all the
painting and vanishing in oIr
seven-room house. and all the
sewing for myself and daugh-
ters.
He calls me ill-tempered, says
am critical, have bad man.
ners.
Yet my girls adore me and
champion me at every turn
They say | am sweet, pretty.
work too hard, etc.
In fact, my husband is the
only person I've ever known
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

bone. Deanna Is a dreamboat.
Back TO Bataan" enters the
attention fist-first with a strik-
ing drama about the intrepid
Filipino guerrillas bulging with
gusto.
THE Gay Senorita" offers a
formula opus which has the
eyes rolier-coasting around Jinx
Falkenburg's curves.
"On Stage, Everybody" is a
musical offering effervescent
episodes when Jack Oakie keeps
1t fizzing.
Behind City Lights" is dime
novel stuff which isn't worth
that much.
Bermuda Mystery" is the
type of murder meller a respec-
table corpse wouldn't be caught
dead in,
THE Radio: With Moss Hart
l. and +. Allen as star pupils,
Info, Please" began the new
semester with a speedy stanza
that was more quip than quiz.
The 4'hittiF Guilds radio
grease-painting came through
with a dramatic workout which
should put muscles into the
airwaves' flabby make-believing
rep.
Jerry Devine's "This Is Your
FBI' (via ABC) makes the face
fuzzy.
THE Funnies: Bennett Cert
l. reports that when II. Bay
ard Swope was editing the old
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
WASHINGTON Scene
By George Dixon

MR.. AL NADER, the WELL
AA known hotel man, has just
returned from Bedford Springs,
Pa, with what he deems to be
a practical plan for reducing
Japan's excess population.
THE plan, which you may
call the Nader plan, II you wish
to give me q well-deserved plug,
Is very uncomplex In scope and
operation" said Mr.. Nader.
"Simply teach the japanese TO
play poker"
Mr.. Nader went TO the Penn
sylvania resort couple OF
months ago 10 take over man.
agership of the Bedford Springs
Hotel. He looked forward 10
a pleasant season; of lazy sum-
mer days and balmy nights.
Being a gregarious soul. he also
looked forward TO mingiing with
the guests, whom he assumed
would all speak some form of
American. a language which Mr..
Nader has picked up surpris-
ingly well.
But he had been on deck only
a short while when the state
department ordered him TO
heave out his Anglo-SaXon
guests TO make room for Japa-
nese.
TIIE Japs, when they arrived
i with much polite Kissing and
costly luggage, turned out to
be Nipponese diplomats from
Europe, headed by Oshima, Jap
ambassador TO Berlin. The state
department explained they were
TO be quartered at the luxurious
hostelry pending arrangements
for shipping them the rest Of
the way back TO Tokyo.
Mr.. Nader asked how long
that might be and the state de-
partment replied ii had no idea;
or at least, no idea il cared TO
communicate 10 Mr.. Nader. At
any event, the Japs are still
there.
Mr.. Nader, however, does not
plan to. return until the Japa-
nese occupation is ended.
But I am satisfied with my
efforts there" he added. 81 sue
ceeded in knocking off one Jap,
although nothing has been said
about giving me medal, or
even citation"
Mr.. Nader said the state de-
partment had hinted that some
form of entertainment be pro-
vided for the distinguished
guests.
"DUT the Japs did not seem
- 10 have much idea about
how to have fun" he said.
"They spent the evenings play
ing some fool card games which
could make no sense out Of at
all. So. one night, out Of sheer
generosity, 1 suggested they
learn poker"
"They seemed quite interested
and asked how 10 was played.
l explained that a pair beats
nothing; that two pairs beats
one pair; three Of a kind beats
two pairs; a straight beats three
OF a kind; a flush a straight; a
full house a flush; four of a
kind a full house, and that a
straight flush beats everything,
including the carpets.
The Japanese took surpris-
ingly we'll to the scientific pas
time, although they had some
trouble remembering the Sc
quence OF values. One evening
they got into a very tight game.
One Of the players drew two
cards; another only one. After
a few raises all but two dropped
out.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

men. People say they were
born with gold spoon in their
mouths" etc. However, a study
OF the causes for the success OF
over 1000 successful business
men, by Professors Taussig and
Joclyn of Harvard, made a
strong case TO show that the
sons of successful men are con-
siderably more likely to succeed
than the average, even. when
"the old man" has given them
no help. This is what a biologist
or psychologist would expect,
because he expects them TO
have inherited more brains, or
energy, or both.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
DEAR MARY HAWORTH:

MY HUSBAND has me puZ-
AVA zled. We have been mar
ried p years and have two
lovely daughters. He always
claims To love me and be very
proud of me and he always
wants me with him everywhere
he goes. But he criticiZes me
everlastingly. both 10 myself
and 10 outsiders. and his carp
Ing has no basis in truth.
! He calls me lazy yet / have
Scared more than % boarding
children in our home, which is
rated superior"
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
Brain Game Answers

Monticello. -.
2-(b) is correct.
3-Detroit Tigers.
4ESir Arthur Ernest PerceyaL
5-Duffy's Tavern.
6-(a) False. 1t increases S. in
the first four years. (b)
True.
THE Bible. I Samuel 2S:7.
S-The latest u. S. tank of the
M-26 class.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

Any Questions?
THE DE ROIT TIMES
mails personal answers to
questions about the needs
and welfare, rights and privi-
leges of servic e m n and
women. veterans and their
dependents.
Many answers are printed
daily in this column, but ALL
questions will be answered
directly by mail.
Address questions this way:
Al YOUR SERVICE BUREAU,
DETROIT TINES,
TINES SQUARE,
DETROIT II, MICHIGAN.
Surely include your name
and address and a self-ad-
dressed, stamped antelope.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22
Connolly Answers

1-(a). 2-(2). Erie Canal; g.
(c). 4(b). Sal. 6-(a)
plants; (b) artificially made:
(c) animals; (d) metals;
(e) salt.
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

Generals Office, 366 w. Adams,
Chicago 6, Ill, concerning the
bonds.
Q-My son was m arrled
shortly before he went over
seas. He said he would not
change over his insurance or
any other benefits TO his wife
but would leave them I'm my
name. He was killed almost a
year ago and 1 receive the In
surance payments, but I never
Detroit evening times., 1945-09-22

THE Funnies: Bennett Cert
l. reports that when II. Bay
ard Swope was editing the old