The Wilmington morning star. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1909-1990, 1945-10-04
Fair Enough
BY WESTBROOK PEGLER
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BY WESTBROOk PEGLEH
Copyright, 1s45, by King Features syndicate)
WASHINGTON, Oct 3.-As every child
learns in the first year of school, light was
invented in approximately 1000 BE- by Cimex
Lectularius, the Ephesian fisherman and phi
losopher, who became exasperated because he
was constantly humping into doors IN the
dark. For the next 5000 years further prog
ress was slow, however, and the lantern
burning wick dipped in n1ule-marroW, ap-
pears to have been the first dependable arti-
fetal Illumination, although Plum Genoa, the
inventor, was publicly put to death by Pedro
the paltry, on a charge of heresy for turn
ing night into day against divine intent"
This drastic punishment and popular super
stition in support of it deferred further ex-
pertinent almost until our time. Many men
and women still living recall the coal-oil lamp
as novelty and a boon, and their grand
parents lived in day when artificial light
was luxury of seaboard settlements exclu-
sively in which whale-oil was obtainable. Then
came the gas light and presently the Wells
bach wick which would dissolve into ashes if
you so much as looked at the damn thing and,
at last the electric light, described as a
burning hair-pin in bottle, and crop Of
rube jokes about hicks in city hotels trying
to blow it out.
But even as recently as Abraham Lincoln
boyhood only the well-to-do had even candle
| 1lSHL LII Me1T dwellings, anu d SOOu tI1IlS luz
Lincoln and a lot Of other people, because
otherwise he would not have had to study his
lessons by the light of the cabin hearth fire,
an incident which his campaign manager
ballyhooed to show he had heart of gold.
But for that, Henry Ford would have had
to think up some other name for his big de
luxe job and thousands of Lincoln warehouse
and storage companies, cleaning and dyeing
companies and hotels would be called Ajax
r1>N orfio al md hyyy1dr rode Of i0h
schools would have to be called something
else and not Washington, either because we
already got Washington highs practically
everywhere And millions of Americans living
on Lincoln avenue would live on Elm, Spruce
or East Main.
The fatal flaw in Elliott Roosevelts story
of the settlement of the loan, however, is
that
Kill preceding sentence starting: The fatal
flaw etc., typewriter left unattended while
went to the window to watch fire engines
did that automatically.
Also in our time, American architects hit
upon rather good idea of making plenty
of windows and work was easy on the eyes
and people could recognize one another by
sight.
Then came the modern decorators and an
innovation called ''decor' and as to what that
means literally your guess is as good as mine
but you see it in some Of the rather pucker-
mouthed magazine features by specialists in
the home beautiful, but in a general way it
means some of the ugliest and most I'M
comfortable furniture since the invention of
the milking stool and lamp-shades like buckets
that conceal most Of the light or throw it
in such way that you practically have to
lie on the back of your neck to read And
it means heavy draperies across the windows
to keep out the daylight and, as il those dim
out lanpshades weren't bad enough, they de-
signed lamps like a six-foot length Of ordinary
gas-pipe with a sort of bird-bath on top so
when you turn it on, why the light goes
straight up in the air and they say it is
supposed to- bounce back and make indirect
lighting but they are just pack of liars be-
cause the light just makes spot on the
ceiling and stays there.
So, now if you 60 into somebody's office
you almost have to use phosphorus cane to
tap your way around and you are always
making enemies of old friends because you
don't recognize them in the gloom and the
most up-to-date hotel room is more like soli-
tary at Alcatraz.
William Green the president of the Aneri-
can Federation of Labor, Of course, is utterly
unfit for - kill kill kill. Mechanical error.
There is big chop suey place in Washing
ton so dark you can't even read the menu so
didn't make any difference because it is either
chop suey, chow MEN, sub gum or foo young
and the idea, he said is people like it because
If a man comes in with some babe nobody will
be able to go blab to his everloving spouse
that he was helling around town sowing oats
'Mebee 500 said, imam alice samee want
look-see pletty girl while she chow chow
eyes," he said, but mebbe he bling old
lady, herself, and like to imagine he off on
sneak with pletty one, hah-hah-hah'
Well, poor Olium Ricini needn't have been
put away because if Pedro had had foresight
he would have known that by 1915 in the in
genious United States primeval pitch would
be descending again through the marvellous
invention of dark light which in few years
more will produce race Of wall-eyed Ameri-
cans dwelling in the state of Cirnex Lectulari-
us before he got sick and tired Of tripping over
roller skates in the hall
Excuse typographical errors please. I never
learned the touch system, although Elliott Roo
sevelt certainly did kill kill kill