The Waterbury Democrat., 1945-08-08
Othmon Sees |AnotomyAs Diverse
 Pink Ponties Prove Poor Substitute for
 Shorts
By FREDERICK c. OTHMAN United Press Staff Correspondent


 l United Press Staff Correspondent Washington, Aug. 8-(UP)-I don't care what the senator says, gents, waste no money on ladies' pink pants; they're no substitute for shorts.
 You can't keep the durn things up.
 They've got lace on 'em.%
 They bite when you sit down.
 I know what I am talking about. I walked into the lingerie depart ment with eyes straight ahead while the ladies gawked, bought pair of pants, tea-rose color, for $6.95. I beat it at once to the mems suit department on the floor below and tried on my new pants. Then I tossed 'em in the ash can. Emergency or no, I do not recom- mend ladies' pants for men. A Sorry Tale
 Two weeks ago my underwear had disintegrated until 1t was good only for engine wiping. There was no more to be bought. I was desperate. i It was then that Sen. Homer Fer guson of Michigan announced that the men of Detroit were buying ladies pants. Next day the news papers sent out their lady reporters, who interviewed the sales ladies, who sounded coy in print. There still was no solid information on what seemed to be a fimsy subject walked down F-street and looked into the stores with the pink stuff in the windows, but it took me the whole two weeks to build up my courage. I finally made it.
 q want a pair of pants," I told the lady behind the counter of the fluffy -ruffles.
 What size does she wear" the lady asked.
 Rigors of Wartime I broke down and told her I was the fellow who needed the pants. She was kindly lady. First thing you know we were pals and she identified herself as Miss Leone WitZke. She said she didn't think I'd like ladies pants, but If I in- sisted ...
 did insist. She had some pink knitted pants, with elastic around the middle and the bottom of the legs, too, but none big enough for me. Her stock, she said, was not as big as' it could be. Maybe would like a one-piece garment, she said What, I wondered, was that trick business at the top of it?
 "The built-in brassiere," Miss Witzke said. Very practical" But not. I pointed out, for me. Miss Witzke said she supposed not. ChSmmy Session She produced what she called pair of dance pants, size large, and reached across the counter to see # same would stretch around my mid- dle. At this moment another lady came in. She said she wanted to look at a panty -girdle, but that she would gladly wait until Miss Witzke got through with her customer. Meaning Ohman, the sweating Othman with the red ears and the weak knees. She didn't have to WoAI 1OllSS plu1lACu uOWl hly pO.0o and got out of there with my new pants. I borrowed a dressing room in the mems suit department and tried 'em on and we won't go into what saw in the mirror. I will report only that ladies have hips and men don't and what good is pair of pants that won't stay up? I held 'em with one hand sat down in 'em, and ouch. There was button on the left side, far back, and nearly broke my arm. took of those pants and put on my old ones with the holes.
 Ladies' pants, Sen. Ferguson, are for ladies. Only solution is to buy a barrel of beer and drinw it, and then when my personal pants prob lem reaches it's final crisis, I'll have a barrel. If you've got better Idea, senator, let me know.