The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1945-01-12
SENATORIAL CIGARETTE
INVESTIGATION

C1SoICLLG, SOItlStlkIlGS WONDER Ii my
colleagues fully appreciate the part
played by it in the life of our glori-
GUS country. What, / ask, would
civilization be without it? What
would democracy be with no
smoke-rings curling above it? What
would a free world be with no
ashes on the rugs?
Senator Bunkem-DOes the Sena-
tor contend that the world could
not survive on the old-fashi0ned clay
pipe Of our forefathers?
Senator Wibbie-We have passed
beyond the era Of pipes. They are
relic Of the days before mankind,
and womankind, reached that stage
of development where the very
home was built around the cigarette.
With the last drop of my blood I
will hold the fort against those re-
dictionaries who would plunge our
wives, mothers, and sisters and
Riddles back into those dark ages
when ,licotine-stained fingers were
the privilege Of princes and prelates,
when the great blessing of blowing
smoke through the nose was I'M
known to the masses, and when that
great blessing to all mankind, the
ashtray. was almost unknown.
Senator Toopsey-In my grand
fathers time they had to use old
saucers for trays.
Senator Bunkem-I remember my
grandfather going around the old
home looking in vain for something
to empty his pipe into, and finally
using grandma's ginger jar.
Senator Wibbie (resuming) - My
friends, this is one of the gravest
hours i'm history. This country must
face that great question, can our
people get all the cigarettes they
need, and upon which their lasting
happiness depends. Deprive us of
our cigarettes and you strike blow
at the very foundation of liberty.
Would Thomas Jefferson stand idly
by today and watch long lines of
mothers and daughters waiting pa
tiently before the store offering but
one pack to customer? Would
jackson submit to cigarette ra-
tioning? Would Lincoln, Cleveland,
Mckinley and the great Teddy
Roosevelt have stood unmoved by
the suffering involved when thou
sands of our school children were
obliged to reduce their cigarette
quota by as many as two smokes
per day?
Senator Toopsey (getting into the
spirit) 1.-The important place of the
cigarette in our civilization is plain
to all. With it we conquer, without
it we fail. l have a few statistics
here marking the extent of the crisis
now confronting us. In IL of the
northern states 60 per cent of the
women and children haven't been
able to inhale in weeks. In 8 west
ern states over 80 per cent OF the
wives and mothers do not know
where their next smoke is coming
from. In A border states the nico-
tine stains are fading fast"
A strong Democratic senator
Let us here and now place the blame
for the cigarette shortage where it
belongs, at the door Of Herbert
Hoover.
A Left Winger-Right! But let us
not forget that the forces OF re-
action as represented by Wall street,
the capitalistic system and the
United States chamber of commerce
are also to blame.
A Republican-There was no ciga-
rette shortage under Hoover!
Senator Earake-There probably
was, but it was concealed by
the Tory press.
Senator Bunkem-Are we sure
there is a shortage? / listen to the
radio and all the big cigarette COM
panies are filling the air with sales
talks for their product. Why do they
do this If they are out OF ciga-
rettes?
Senator Earake-They are build
ing up good will.
Senator Duffer-WOuld it be pos
sible at this time for the senate
to take up the arms shortage ON
the western front? 1t seems TO me
to be more important.
(Cries of "Throw him out" and
''No! No)
Senator Duffer - Is it not adj
yisable that we look into the mat
ter Of getting more shells to Gen
eral Patton, stopping the drift Of
workers from war factories and fo-
cusing the attention of the American
public on the more vital aspects Of
the world situation?
Chorus of Voices-What! And
make cigarettes secondary issue!!
(The session ends in disorder.)
The Gotham Taxists Don't See:
To this writer's mind one OF the sights
Of Ne,o York north seeing, yet seldom men.
tioned BY the guides, is Washington Mar
ke. A combination county fair, food shoi0,
1 Elks picnic, carniual and home foson SEN
4 eraI store" il is one OF the tOtOn's big
1 L..,. n,,r;n0 the moon hour. tUlleu thou.