davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
LEAST RULE BEST

"The best government Is that
which governs least" says
Danna p. Sandner of Detroit.
THE less supervision over
youth the better. The youth OF
the postwar era will he at It's
best when supervision is down
tn minimum.
Direction IL valuable only
when IL il devised and admin
istered with the utmost UNDER
standing and intelligen nee.
Therefore l say that supervision
should he made available to
every one who needs and wants
II hut IL should not he imposed
against any ones will. II should
guide and stimulate youths
plans for the future but IL
should not hinder worthy enter
prise bv superfluous restric-
tions. 1t should encourage In
dependence and initiative-nOt
stifle IL.
"The youth OF America are
strong minded. energetic indi-
viduals who thrive on adversity,
who scorn their mothers apron
strings. All they ask Is
chance, not an overdose OF
guidance.
DANNA r. SANDNER
age 81.
lSii5 Hickory Ave,
Detroit 5, Mich.
$50 price
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
On The Side
By {. V. DurIinq

DEING a collector Of predictions 10 the postwar world. 1
was interested which how things will be in
2035 A. D. OF possibly not live that long but if
baby he might be around the date mentioned
prediction made by group of of science follows
2035 A. D. will fear neither pesence famine
Defense warfare weapons will competeY neurazed Of
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

WASHINGToN-Like a great
w many other government big
wigs who are called upon 10 make
frequent public speeches. II, Col.
Ralph OlmStead, director Of the
office Of supply of the War Food
Administration. has number of
stock jokes he employs TO point
up his arguments.
One afternoon recently he was
scheduled to address representa-
tiveS of the canning industry. But
he found himself tied up. and as
signed his deputy. NJ. l.. Bren-
nan, TO pinch hit for him.
Brennan knew the message the
chief wished TO get across. He
decided there was no use gliding
the lily. so he lifted Col. Ohm
stead'S speech IN toto-includlng
the Jokes.
The speech was a great success,
and the Jokes were riot. The
audience laughed itself silly
Brennan concluded TO deafening
applause.
He sat down beaming. But his
Smirk evaporated when the door
opened and in walked Col. Ohm
stead.
The latter bowed TO the assem-
bled Gamers, and, without stop
ping TO confer with his deputy,
launched into a speech.
His jokes had always been sure
fire but this time they were duds.
All they elected were a few Snick-
ers. The reason was simple. Ohm
stead was telling the same jokes
Brennan had Just told.
Olmstead had no way OF know
ing this. Although he was laying
an egg with every gag, he stuck
bravely TO his chore.
After the ordeal was over. Ohm
stead muttered to his deputy that
the Gamers didn't seem TO have
much sense of humor.
~ don't know as 1 would say
that, Chief" said Brennan.
"Could be they heard those
jokes somewhere before"
The No. / joke in OlmStead' S
repertoire has been circulated and
you may have heard it. but l like
it anyway. Here goes
A Washington bureaucrat de-
cided he wasn't doing enough for
his country-he was very pecu-
liar bureaucrat=So he -quitan
took a job as farmland. He did
this because he had always
preached that men should return
to the soil.
He proved TO be a model hired
man. The first day he did as
much ploughing as the average
man does in three. The farmer
was delighted.
The next day he was assigned
to digging post holes. He dug as
many post holes that day as the
average man could do in two. The
farmer was in 'ecstasies.
The third day the farmer de-
cided the ex-bureaucrat was over
taxing his strength and gave him
something easy to do sorting
apples.
When the farmer came around
at nightfall to check up he found
the hired man lying on the ground
in dead faint-all the apples
unsorted. On being revived. the
ex-bureaucrat said the sorting
job had been too much for him.
"Why," exclaimed the farmer.
"all you had to do was sort the
big apples from the little
apples"
That's It." replied the bu-
reaucrat. "Such decisions"
Inez Rob b, the well-known
a u h or and journaliSt-extraor-
dinary, came here recently as a
weekend house guest Of Mrs
Evalyn Walsh Mclean.
Apparently the place evoked
haunting memories because Mrs
Robb sat down at her escritoire
and wrote me as follows:
"This Is the first time have
ventured back TO spend a night
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Tense weapons. Cancer. tubercu-
losis, diabetes, Septicemia nd
the common cold will have been
eliminated. Men will be able 10
exist indefinitely AT any age they
choose. IL a man wishes. for eN-
ample, TO be 25 years old forever
he will be able TO do so. There
will be perpetually abundant agri-
culture: chickens will he as large
as pigs are now and pigs Will be
the size Of COWS.
A resident of ArteSia, Cal, says
she believed in Santa Claus until
she was 1914 years old. This may
be the record for youthful inno-
cence. Men born under the
sign Of Libra generally make poor
husbands states a Baltimorean.
Libra men think other women
can't resist them. They are terri
bile and unscrupulouS flirts. Libra
wives are the same way"
"Neither snow, nor rain. nor
heat, nor gloom of night stays
these couriers from the swift
completion OF their appointed
rounds"
So goes the famous saying as
10 postmen. However. what does
stop the postmen cold is an un-
friendly dog. Postmen are not
compelled TO deliver mail to
houses harboring unfriendly dogs.
How about your dog? II he isn't
amiable insofar as the postman is
concerned perhaps il is because he
doesn't know him. Maybe a per-
son moving into a new neighbor-
hood should arrange TO have the
family dog meet the postmen. In
Vitations could be sent out read
ing Mrs. Susan Zilch requests
the presence of the postmen of
Station d at a cocktail party at
which she will present her wire
hair terrier, Rover. r. s. V. p"
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
Dear Dollink:
BY Mill Gross
DEAR DOLLINK I:

You should il here lest night excitement Toisday
you sister Shoey boy friend doc to de fact dot
got from de laundry de odder ones package
wait yet Dss boy friend is entitled Walter wot he consists
ulso from engineer by radio station So lest night arfes
Walter by de visit accompanied yet by portable
recording machine blank record We should all speaking
into il. should sending to you greetings. dolink.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
Joe Turp Writes
By Damon Runyon
BROOKLYN

BKUUkLIN-
Dear Sir: Not long ago hurt my hand and had to lay off
few days and of these days reading the and
where the dog show going Madison Square Gar
my wife Ethel hey sweets how would you like
to dog show?
why Joe think that would be wonderful because
pictures Of the dogs and the
in the papers and be interesting You
know very fond Of dogs and day when are rich
am going 10 have a million OF
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Mike-fright, it got in advance
you Uncle PincuS! So. If you'll
hearing, dollink, all troo de record
cracks so it's no cracks {.
it's just from you Uncle's noiv-
BUSINESS de hiccopS. limitations
from Betty Hutton il gave you
smott sister. So, foist, into goldle
she stuffed herself for de occa-
sion. wot she was blue almost
i'm de face from SuffocatlonS, und
den. she sings Dunt Fencing Me
In! Wot in de same time, 1T got
out from order downstairs a auto
mobile horn e.. so dun't eSk!
You Smott fodder insisted you
should hear de wonderful speech
he made lest week by de Lodge,
so. appropriately il began TO
cukoo on de wall. de cukoo clock.
Junior gave from 4 P-Toity-Eight
impoisonationS. Und when il came
by me de toin. COllink. | should
say TO you few woidS de
woids wanted'to come out from
my mouth hut my heart was by
me in de troat.
IrregardIesS. we sending YOU de
record. on accent by de finish. II
barked Pinto a greeting. wotll be
de only ting you'll recognizing
So wait yet On de top from all
de excitement il goes 10 bed
everybody, wot il sets. YOU fodder
de clock hack one hour. Den II
sets il back PincuS. who was in
between time, waxing in dc bat
room de moustache. annoder hour.
Home il comes from a dance you
sister Shoiley SO while she's cX-
traditing herself from de goldle.
size sets il back WITT one more
hour yet. Moo moo TWo-toity in
de morning il gives a ring de
clock wot We give all spring
out from bed -SnIL reminds JHR+eF
YOU Smott fodder, witt YOU bril-
laint Uncle. witt you opp TO de
minute sister. dot for tree years
already we don't having Daylight
Saving. It's for duration gradu-
ally poimenant So back we
gratefully 90 10 bed und fife
Ioclock,-it gives A ring de Goidy
Click Wake Up Service. wot
somebody forgot 10 remind her
dot it's today Sunday.
UlSo its now Cody by dc Mil
Ter Avenue trolley line a motor
man Und II fills out applications
you sister Shoiley, she shall be IN
de same car de conductor DisS i
on accent de models job which
she had last week. wot il dewel-
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

They were Scrambling at Santa
I Anita. Hialcah Park. the Fair
| Grounds in New Orleans and at
the Oriental Picnic Plaza in
Havana,
There were eight races in Mi
ami. eight in Havana, nine in
Arcadia and 10 in New Orleans.
That meant a total Of IS guess
ing contests without clue to any
Of them.
There were 1877 entries at the
Fair Grounds. l09 in Cuba, 81 in
California and 7S in Florida. That
was total of 42l oversize rab-
bits pursuing the electric hunch
around the eEg-Shaped wheel of
chance.
What chance have YOU of hit
ting a four-legCed jackpot when
you cannot smear one that is
standing still?
On that day the owners did a
lot better than we did. At the
Fair Grounds the purses totaled
Sc, 800, at Oriental Park $4,000, at
Hialeah $4,000 and at Arcadia
.Sl3,500 They were collecting
So. 200 in Morgenthau's marbles
when we were prming the iron
pump with a double caSer.
Your chances of pinning the
payoff tail on 42l mules running
that day is equal to the hypoten-
use Of the laughing academy.
Meaning that when you square
the circle it is going TO be tough
on your tires.
All the 42l entries didn't run.
Some were scratched. Some that
weren't scratched didn't run
either.
Doc and lost 6S of the "a
SmaCkers. | think the Doc held
out the deuce on me.
We lost money like the coun-
terfeiter who mixed his ink with
vanishing cream.
That's the reason why ! never
could understand why the pari-
mutuel people built their machine
out of iron when the strain is all
on the public.
Even at that time the owners
were hungrier than a wolf with a
muZzle on. They were talking of
skinning an extra 10 per cent off
the top.
Al that time l warned the boys
10 per cent was too much of an
amusement tax on my worries.
Here are the names Of some of
the agitated moose that Doc and
l bet on. 1t was six years ago
as the crow commuteS but l still
remember Weeds. Breezing BY
ReguStitated, Autumn Leaves and
Zumperdoo.
We picked one winner out of
the catalog. Our private informa-
tion booth said we would be in
the coin like a paying teller's
thumb.
That night l counted 65,493
sheep before falling off TO sleep.
Not one in the money.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
sELF-PLANNING

I'VE won't he parasites"
cries Muriel Oerther of Monroe,
Mich. "Of course we want To
plan our own future, stand on
our own feet. We know for
what we are best fitted and we
can do better by choosing our
own career and building IL up
ourselves In spite Of the diff
cuIties hand obstructions. They
will only make US stronger.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

At the end Of the antiseptic lee
ture we each put up 35 4ettuce
leaves and bet TWO buttons on
that many hosS races.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
Horse

By Buqs Baer

OK years ago when hoSseS
- were gallopinC IN more dlrec-
tions than a porcuplnes quillS j
bet on every race IN the united
works.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

So l took her TO the dog show
and we spent nearly the whole aft
ernoon wandering around in the
basement of the Garden looking
at the dogs but all the time Ethel
had very little to say and finally
/ ses to her don you find it in
teresting?
She ses oh yes, Joe, find il
very interesting to me but l can't
help wondering if it is interesting
to the dogs. They must find il a
great bore TO be chained up on
those benches with such little
space 10 move around in and all
these people staring at them and
sometimes poking them.
I ses. Oh, l don't think the dogs
mind very much, Ethel. She ses
what makes you think that? /
ses l don't know but they are not
bad off here. l ses they get plenty
10 eat and fellows take them off
those benches for exercise and be-
sides they get prize ribbons.
Ethel Ses what good are those
to the dogs? / ses well, they show
they are better dogs than other
dogs and Ethel ses Joe Turp, do
you mean TO tell me il makes any
difference 10 a dog 10 be better
than other dogs? l ses well some
OF them act like they think so and
Ethel Ses i don't believe IT. | will
BET a dog would trade a thousand
prize ribbons for a nice bone any
day.
Just then we came 10 a row of
French poodles on their benches
and of course they was all clipped
the way French poodleS are al
ways clipped with little rings of
hair left on their legs and little
tufts of hair left on their tails and
their faces clipped too and Ethel
ses 10 a fellow who was sitting
with one of the dogs combing il,
why do they clip these dogs in
such strange manner?
He ses they have been clipping
them that way for 800 years.
Ethel ses, ] beg your pardon but
l did not ask you how long they
have been clipping them that
way, l asked you why they did
il? The guy SeS lady. ! don {
know. Somebody started 10 clip
them that way 800 years ago and
everybody has been clipping them
the same way ever since.
Ethel ses what is this kind Of
a dog supposed 10 be good for
lie Ses Oh, away back yonder u
was a hunting dog but now DANES
lead them around on leasheS
mostly Al least / have not heard
Of one being used for hunting
lately. Ethel ses well don't you
think that clipping dog tha,
way makes him look undignided ,
Don't you think II makes II look
- something like a clown?
The guy ses we'll, II makes il
look different all night. Ethel ses
don't you think it makes il look
funny? ! have noticed that a
number Of people who have come
up since we have been standing
here look at those dogs anc
= laugh. Do you think the dogs like
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
In
Hollywood
With LoueIIa Parsons

Motion Picture Editor International News
THE sensitive Frederic Chopin
L in Song 10 Remember made
lot of people say: ~
"Nhere has Cornell Wilde
been all this time: Why haven't
we seen the young man who IL
~ good as Chopin and who has
81 much TO Offer?"
Well. he was right here in Hol'
lywood doing his best 10 get a
good part, but some way he al
ways missed and never got the
breaks. / first saw him when he
made a test at 20th Century-FoN
"a test he had written himself
and l was so impressed wrote
about il. But you know some
times what happens? There never
Just seems 10 be the right part
so Cornell Wilde had to go to CO.
lumbia, just as Columbia'S Alex
ander Knox had to 60 10 s20th
10 get himself in the movie lime
light. AS they say in the copy
books; "Turnabout is fair play
Wilde is on his third picture al
Columbia. and he sings Harry
Cohn's praises, which may or may
not surprise Harry. When l asked
to see Chopin" Wilde. l was told
he was working but that he would
come after work. He was very
late and arrived breathlesS, still
wearing the tights he wears in
The Bandit of Sherwood Forest,
with his makeup and the long Cho-
pin haircut.
Fencing. il seems, is CornelS
middle name. He was Olympic
fencing champion, and he car
thrust with the best OF them. HC
has had chance 10 show his
prowess in that direction, both in
The Bandit of Sherwood Forest
and Zone Thousand and One
Nights"
Douglas Fairbanks Sr. was hi,
ideal and as the son of Roblr
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

My doctor told me ! had 10
stop plasterlnc the certified cab
bage on the expensive StampedeS.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
yo""g America Speak,

That's the way we all feel
except the parasites who always
depend on some one else for
everything, including money
and ideas. How can we ever
hope to be independent IL we
can't even start that way--if
we depend on the governments
paternalism instead of upon
ourselves?
81 want to build my own
place i'm the world. I'll feel that
I'm a better citizen for having
done so. In short, 1 don't want
my government To support me.
want to be one of its sup
ports"
MURIEL OERTHER
age 20,
456 Borgess. Ave,
Monroe, Mich.
(S2 so price
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Douglas Fairbanks Sr was his
ideal and as the son of Robin
Hood. which really is the story
+ Of The Bandit of Sherwood For
est" it gives him all the chance
TO be a sWashbuckling Fairbanks
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
By Elsie Robinson

lives regulated by outside per-
sons, governments or agencies"
PVT. JOE BISTRANSkY
age 81.
Sd Platoon, Co. D.. 45th Bn.,
18th Reg. LARTC, Camp
Howe. Tex.
(Sl0 DriZp)
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

They were Scrambling at Santa
Anita. Hialcah Park. the Fair
Grounds in New Orleans and at
the Oriental Picnic Plaza in
Havana.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29
As the Delegates convene at San Francisco

the prayers of all people, regardless of color creed join
mighty chorus the hope that guidance and wisdom shall be bestowed
delegates the that with foresight and tolerance righteous
and enduring peace shall be established for the generations that follow
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Meaning that when YOU square
the circle it is going to be tough
on YOUR tires.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Your chances of pinning the
payoff tail on 42l mules running
that day is equal to the hypoten-
use of the laughing academy.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

There were eight races in Mi
ami. eight in Havana, nine in
Arcadia and 10 in New Orleans.
That meant a total Of IS guess
ing contests without a clue to any
of them.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Doc and I lost 6S Of the 10
Smackers. | think the Doc held
out the deuce on me.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

All the 42l- entries didn't run.
Some were scratched. Some that
weren't scratched didn't run
either.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

There were 1877 entries at the
Fair Grounds. 109 in Cuba, 81 in
California and 7S in Florida. That
was a total of 42l oversize rab-
bits pursuing the electric hunch
around the eEg-Shaped wheel of
chance.
Detroit evening times., 1945-04-29

Motion Picture Editor. international News
Service
THE sensitive Frederic Chopin
l. in Song 10 Remember made
l.. .,...~Ia
The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1945-02-10
Ainsley Mereness
Club Has Party

Ainsley-Mereness Club held 8
Valentine Party following theiI
meeting Friday afternoon at G. A
r. Hall.
Virginia Robbins was initiated
into the club.
Good Deeds we're reported by Vir.
ginia Dick, Muriel Wolf, Beryl Mar.
bic. jeanne Ross. Beverly Wolf,
Dolores Wilburn and Phyllis
Schaab.
jeanne Ross reported under civic
pride and Muriel Wolf under patri-
otto work.
A letter OF appreciation was read
from Percy Jones Hospital thank
ing the girls for the articles they
sent.
Next meeting. February %, the
girls are to have a patriotic meet
ing honoring Lincoln and Wash
ington.
The entertainment committee
vas Beryl Marble, chairman, with
jeanne Ross assisting.
A beautiful Valentine box was
made by Mary Robbins who also
played selections on her violin.
Prize winners for games were
Dolores Wiiburn, Phyllis schaab.
Virginia Robbins, Muriel Wolf,
Mary Robbins, Virginia Dick, Ruth
Anne Schaab, Dolores Wolf and
Barbara Schadel.
Refreshments OF sandwiches tea,
cake and gelatine were served buff
iet style.
The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1945-02-10
Comforts Tied by
Endurance Glass

At an all day meeting OF the
Endurance Class OF the Baptist
Church, Friday. the members tied
two pieced comforts and had co.
operative luncheon and program.
Clayton Deake called the meeting
10 order, and after the singing Of
two hymns, Mrs. Cora Farley led
the devotions. using as her subject
Spiritual Maturity" and read John
IS. The program consisted OF the
reading OF poems by members. Mrs.
Deake's poem was entitled Holy
Bread" Mrs. Florence Raymond,s
"A Man is a Mystery" and Mrs
Guy Elliott's SELF Request
The program was closed with the
singing OF hymn and prayer by
Mr.. Deake. During the afternoon.
the birthdays OF the month were
celebrated. Mrs. Raymond. Mrs
Eta Perry and Mrs. Cora Nc
Laughlin. Mrs. Mclaughlin was
unable to be present, so gifts OF
fruit and jelly were sent to her
and to her grandson, William
Shaw. whose birthday is today. A
birthday cake from the class will
be sent to them today.
Mrs. Elliott will be hostess to
the class for the March meeting.
when members expect to tie two
more comforts.
The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1945-02-10
Rooster
Rites Announced

Announcement is being made OF
the wedding OF June Maurlne Wal
ter to s Sgt Cordelius ID. Rooster.
Chaplain II. Bailey OF the Willow
Run Air Base officiated in a candle.
light ceremony Feb. 3 at the home
OF the groom's uncle, Charles S.
Rooster, $40 +. Cross St, attend.
ing the couple were Mrs. Champ
O'Heren, Flint. sister OF the bride.
and Charles Rooster,
Following the ceremony a we'd
ding dinner was served.
Guests at the wedding we're Mr..
and Mrs. George Tamlyn, Flint,
parents OF the bride, Mrs. Champ
O'Heren, Mrs. Bailey, Mrs. Mack
Laidlaw, Vonceil Appl and Mr.. and
Mrs. Charles Rooster and daugh-
tiers, Clarice and Kathryn.
S Sgt Rooster has returned to
his base at Chatham Field, Georgia,
where Mrs. Rooster will join him
soon.
Mrs. Rooster has been employed
at the Meyer Fletcher studio for
the past year.
The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1945-02-10
Research Club Told
About Book Binding

Early history OF book binding
was discussed by Miss Margaret
Robinson OF the Roosevelt faculty
for the program for the Research
Club at the home OF Mrs. Guy
Squier, Friday afternoon. Miss
Robinson illustrated her interest.
ing talk with choice old books and
pictures. She had McGuffey's
fourth reader, copyrighted in 1879
another book by Thomas Cusser
printed in London in 1912. and a
Constitution OF England, printed in
1910 by John DeLolme. A former
stude..:. OF Miss Robinson's had
sent her leather book mark and
a leather book cover that came
from Florence, Italy.
The business meeting was op-
ened with deyotions led by Mrs.
Clifford Schreiner. and the singing
OF the club song God Bless Amer
lea by the group.
An invitation from the Ladies'
Literary Club TO an inter-club for
UNI, Feb. IS. in which a Research
Club member, Mrs. Lester Pho, will
participate, was read.
Mrs. Lee Brown, delegate, will
attend the County Federation o.
Women's Clubs meeting in Ann
Arbor, today.
The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1945-02-10
Calendar Of Social Events


Ypsnt High Junior Hop, Charles McKenny Hall
MONDAY
number 9 Order OF Eastern star regular meet
ing 80. Masonic Temple lodge
&c. Charles McKenny Hall DR. F. s.
George, host
Queen city Lodge Knights Pyhas
nosebag $780, captains and
leaders,
Guild OF Church. 745 at
Deck.
USo Advisory Committee, 80 American Legion Home
Monday Luncheon O'Clock, G.. Wiedman
Ypslanu CAP Ypsiant High School
205.
lambda Chi Omega rushing o'clock Charles McKenny
Meeting OF Ypsilanu Taxpayers Association Ypsant
School auditorium O'Clock
Girl Scouts troop three Starkweaher 315; troop Baptist
Church IS Is Carver Center, o'clock; IS
trail High School $780, 90 Brownies school
The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1945-02-10
Faculty Danes Have
Patriotic Meeting

A patriotic theme was followed
in the decorations OF the faculty
lounge OF Charles McKenny Hall
and for the program for the Feb.
ruary meeting OF the Faculty
DANES. Friday afternoon. As a
decoration for the mantle, the flags
OF the Allied nations were grouped
about the American flag, in an ar.
tistic arrangement.
A talk on the lives OF Washing
ton and Lincoln was given by Mrs.
Carl Pray, chairman OF the day
Centering the tea table, where
refreshments OF cherry pie, tea
and coffee, were served was a flor
al centerpiece OF paper narclssi and
red geraniums.
The committee was Mrs. Pray,
chairman. Mrs. J. H. McCulloch,
Mrs. B. H. vanden Belt, Mrs. r.
CIN Ford, Mrs. Carl Lindegren.
Mrs. Duane Chamberlain Mrs.
Harrison Pfeitfer, Mrs. Wallace
Magoon and Mrs. Wilbur Bowen.