The Waterbury Democrat., 1945-12-05

In the Ast0r the other midnight Bomo Vincent got a big laugh tell ing pals about the drunk who zig gagged into a bar and ordered a Triple martini . After swallowing Two of them he decided the bar Bender was his friend. Reaching into anis coat pocket he brought forth n live lobster and offered it to the Bartender, who tried refusing it sev- eral times Finally, the barten- der decided 1t would be better to aake the damb thing than argue about it.
 "Okay," he said, gripping the Lobster, "I1l take 1t home for din- .ner."
 "Oh, no. don't do that!" cried the 1eish. He's already had dinner Rake him to the moviesl"
 Back stage at "The Red Mill" the night of the terrific snowstor1n, the show gals Gall of whom hail from Ealifornia where the hit originated) were all excited by the sight of the SHOW. One blahZay young lady, However, refused to join the gen. Rral excitement
 z I've seen snow," she boasted, "at Make Arrowheadl'' Then she Thought this over for 8 minute, Suddenly got very excited and iEquealed: But I never saw 1t HAPPEN before!"
 Ozzie Nelson was eavesdropping on couple of those talking pigeons, whose jokes are always getting in to the columns One pigeon Strutted by in snooty fashion, nose i1 the air and a couple of newspa- per clippings under wing.
 v Whats the matter with hi1n?" asked the bird.
 "Oh, he's 8 swelled head" said another pigeon. "He got into Win chell's column three times this month!"
 A war correspondent back from Tokyo brought this. You may re- call that when Tojo shot himself, an American commentator in Ja- pan flashed: "Tojo has killed him self!" When the reporter re- 4llrn to Tojo's house he learned the old so-and-so was still alive .. . MOh, damn it!" sfrieked the broad easter. ,''I just told CBS listeners that he killed himself!"
 Tojo was lying on his back and the blood was flowing One G1 looked at another. Someone sud- denly broke the hush and said: ssWhat the hell? He's gonna die Anyway and good riddance. Let's turn the Japastard over on his belly So the blood will run more freely!' x.. And they did so .. Pretty soon Siie doctor arrived and examined Tojo Turning to the GIs and Correspondents the doctor inquired: t'Who turned him over?" "We tiid!" they all yelled.
 z Well" sighed the doc, you saved his life"
 A The Biggest Lies of the Week: Two chorines were discussing an other Gosh" meowed the first, ssthat Ruth, there's nothing she wouldn't do to hold her boy friend. By the way, waddaya doing?"
 "Oh, Bob'S out of town," was the reply, "so I gotta take his dogs out walking every two hours. Wadd- about you?"
 Bills away too. I'm taking his mother to travel lecture.
 q White House Staffers reveal that the President is still sizzling over the boners that escaped those who prepared the final draft of his Navy Day speech in New York city.
 It allowed the President to say: Control of our sea approaches and of the skies above them" |. And control of the ocean approach es and of the skies above them which lines had been added to the script-unknown to him.
 V The Air Forces delighted in re- ininding the Navy Department that the Navy cannot control any skies above anybody.
 v It's band leader Art Moneys Varn about the dramatic critic who uied. A lot of actors attended the services, including 8 number who had been severely rapped in the critics notices. Several, bitter to the end, refused to say kind word, And SO it came as complete sur- prise when one of the critics worst Victims agreed to say something :. He cleared his throat and ntoned: T knew Alec man and boy for 35 wears and I will say thls for him: As a kid he played 8 sensational game of tic-tac-toe."
 Chorus girls, believe it or not, often discuss politics. At Nicky Blair's Carnival the other night. one asked: why are there two poli- tical parties? Is it that there are two sides to every question:"
 'No," observed Jayne WestbrooS. s.it's because there are two sides to every political office-outside and inside"
 Raymond Paige, orchestra leader on the RCA-Victor radio show, tells of the patient music teacher Wno called in 8 student. "Oreway," he began in . weary voice, "Ord- way. I've tried to be patient with you. Last month you stole three dollars from my overcoat. Two weeks ago you forged my name to d $500 check and cashed it. Last week you got drunk and broke my Stradivarius. But yesterday was the limit - l. found out you per- Sliaded my wife to divorce me. Now,