Evening star., 1945-12-16
Gridiron Club 7oosts Truman,
| Lompoons New Deal at Dinner
Continued From First Page.)

y
in his Moscow conference with the
British and the Russians.
"Spech in the Dark"
The dinner began with the tradi-
tional Speech in the Dark" well
coming the guests. 1t was delivered
by Lewis Wood of the Washington
bureau of the New York Times
Gridiron president for 1912 anc
1943, two of the dinnerless years
Fearful of the future, Mr.. Wooc
asked what the Gridiron Club coulc
do if scientific advances grew more
intense.
Driven at a rocketing pace" sale
Mr. Wood, we will find news grown
stale with the flash of meteors
Newspapermsn racing out will meet
themselves rushing back. In De-
cember We will plan a skit abou,
something happening next May
Before it Is on paper the alchemists
Will have transmitted it into next
years happenings. What will be
our material? With the speed OF
sound excelled, no United States
Senator, or other politician, will
open his mouth"
Labor-management troubles got
attention in a skit showing John
Q. Public seeking repairs to his
trousers. Two tailors, Philip Muir
ray, president of the Congress OF
Industrial Organizations. and Ira
Mosher. president of the National
Association of Manufacturers want
ed to do the job.
Let's take him to the cleaners, "
Murray said.
But I've just been there" pro-
tested John @.
Toosses Out His Pants.
Mr.. Public went behind a screen
and tossed out his pants for the
tailors to work on. Murray and
Mosher fought so vigorously over
them that they ripped the trousers
In two.
Secretary of Labor Lewis B.
Schwellenbach, the adjuster," then
promised to fix everything. But
when he was finished with his ad-
tusting, John @. had nothing but
a barrel to wear.
I've been arbitrated again!" he
walled.
Gilbert and Sullivan tunes provid-
ed logical vehicle portraying Gen.
Macarthur and his problems in ia
pan. The scene was just outside
MacArthurs headquarters. A chorus
OF home-hungry GIS sang:
'The flowers that bloom in the
spring, snafu,
Will find us still sitting right here
AS we count up our points and we
sing, snafu.
We discount the hope that they
bring, snafu,
OF summer back home in the
States"
Emperor Hirohito recounted his
woes to the music of the "Tit-Wil-
low" song from the "Mikado"::
"On throne in a temple I once
used to sit
Singing Nimitz tit -Nimitz. tit it-Nimitz
Till Macarthur said, Emperor, come
of of it.
Singing Nimitz, tit-Nimitz, tit
Nimitz
"'Am I finished as Emp'ror, oh,
Douglas?' I cried,
Or may I with some other title pre-
side?"
With shake of his gold crusted
head he replied:
oh, NimitZ, tit NimitZ tit-NimitZ.' 1"
His Five Stars Shine.
A magnificent Macarthur strobe
onto the stage. Five self-illuminat-
ing stars shone on his cap and on
his epaulets. He was announced as
the Lord High Supreme Allied
Commander in Chief of the Allied
Armies and Navies and Everything!
although my contact with U. S. has
largely been nonresident,
If God so wills there's still chance
they'll draft me to be Presi-
dent"
The occasion for the meeting be-
tween Hirohito and Macarthur was
that the Emperor had come to learn
how to make Japan democratic.
Macarthur explained that two ex-
perts were on hand to give Hirohito
instructions. They were Marshall
Field III, publisher of the Chicago
Sun, and Col. Robert R. Mccormick,
publisher of the Chicago Tribune.
When Mccormick and Field got
through explaining their differing
concepts of democracy, the Emperor
begged for a sword in order to COM
NIT hara-kiri.
There was a reflection Of the Pearl
Harbor controversy when Hirohito
told Mccormick he was $50 sorry
about Pearl Harbor.' To which Nc
Cormick replied:
You're sorry? What the devil did
you have to do with Pearl Harbor?
You aren't New Dealer, are you?"
"The Reluctant Bride"
A skit entitled THE Reluctant
Bride" showed the Navy refusing to
20 through with marriage to her
eager bridegroom, the Army. Army
claimed he wanted to make an hon.
est woman of her and provide
home for their overgroWn child, the
Army Air Forces. The bride pro-
tested that the boy wasn't the
Army's child and that she wouldn't
20 through with the ceremony.
81 don't have to do it" she
screamed. Admiral King told me
7 didn't. And Admiral NimitZ, first
ne said I had to and then he said
I didn't. This'll break his heart"
Old Man Congress took charge of
the situation and gave the orders:
I'VE have had enough quarreling
tn this family. From now on you
two are going to live together, for
better or for worse, with your little
boy. We're a-goin' to the preacher
March, you two"
The exodus of New Dealers and
the return to favor of regular DEM
ocrats were marked in a skit laid
IN Happy Harry's Pie Counter"
Bob Hannegan exulted that "Harry's
the guy who's got the pie" Hanne-
gan and Tom Clark counted out pies
In figures of '48, so, Sc, go and "a,