The Wilmington morning star., 1945-06-27

with them as much as many of his read
ers His articles serve the good purpose
| of making people Think
BY WEsTBROOK PEGLER
| Copyright, 1915, by King Features Syndicate.)
| NEW YORK,-As soon as I can get around
to put the bite on John Hartford, the president
| of the Atlantic and Pacific Grocery chain, for
| a couple of hundred thousand dollars, I am
going to start in business with a wonderful
idea I had just this very minute. feel pretty
confident that Mr.. Hartford will let me have
the money because to me the idea seems
much better proposition than Elliott Roose
! vet's radio thing. And if John figured that
Elliott was handicapped in a business way
because his old gent was President of the
United States then his heart ought to bleed
for me because my pop is game warden
| by trade. You know how everybody hates
those guys who come around with caliper
and measure a bass-fish that you have just
caught by the face and it is a sixteenth of an
| inch short. And before you even throw
| it back he nabs you, and the judge-he makes
a bum of you by saying it is louses like you
| who make it so nobody snag a perch or
knock off a duck any more, and him with
whole cooler full of illegal fish and birds
that the warden grabbed from a lot of poor
innocent saps like you for under-size or out-of-
season or last years license and all this and
that, and divvied with the honorable court
Well, like l say, this is wonderful idea
of mine because l have been looking into this
anti-discrimination thing where they want a
federal law if you are running business
say like hotel and you want to hire room
clerk and naturally you want one of those
good-looking personality types but the first
guy to hit you for the job is the orneriest bum
you ever laid eyes on and he chews tobacco
and picks his teeth with a nail-file and he
starts off by insulting you, just for a sample
of how he is going to treat the guests
&c. of course, you give him the brush and
YOU are Just about to interview some nice
looking, Well-mannered guy who is reeking
with class when the slob that you have just
turned down hollers: ''Wait a minute, you
dirty rat because if you don't give me the
| lob 1 am going to get the anti-discrimination
hoard after you and we will slap you in the
BOBBY for about year and day and it will
cost you just 10000, even, because l am one
of those doWntrodden minority mugs and it
| is against the law to discriminate against me
on account Of my race color, religious belief
or country of origin"
Il don't give a damn about your race, color
religious belief or what country you came
from except I would be glad to pay your way
back there you say to the guy, land I am
discriminating against you because you are
knocl, against the whole human race-and you
don't smell any too fresh
| But nevertheless, your lawyer says, absc-
lutely, you have got to give him the job, so
in about ten days your hotel is a haunted
house and the sheriff takes over.
| SO this is where my wonderful idea begins
to operate and I certainly hope Mr. Hartford
will appreciate what handicap it is to have
! game warden for your old man because with
a couple of hundred thousand / am con-
fident 1 could make million and l will give
him quite slab of stock in the concern and
! if it should fold up why / will get my old
gent to get some friend of his to buy it back
for 81, 900 and he can call it bad debt and
he isn't exaggerating when he says bad.
My idea is to get in big supply of burnt
cork like Lew Dockstader and Honey Boy
Evans used to put on their faces for the old
time minstrel shows, and some good dialect
comedians like Moran and Mack for the col
ored sound effects and maybe Peter Mack for
the Jewish and Italian dialects and open up a
school where a guy by the name of say, like,
for instance, Smith Jones, he can join a
minority and get job.
So then if fellow doesn't happen to belong
to any particular minority and his religion is
just some ordinary American Sunday go-to-
meeting sect, and he doesn't have any other
country of origin except the United States,
why then he can stand even chance with
the minorities.'
a semester for the course but we would have
examinations at the end and we would have
commencement exercises where the graduates
would give demonstrations of their training
as they stand under the ceremonial arch with
a motto in paper flowers reading something
like Beyond the Alps lies Italy, or THE
Bay is Crossed; The Ocean Lies Before
Like for instance, fellow who took the
colored course, he would stand up there look
ing like Eddie Cantor and give an imitation
of how he would apply for job as floor
v alker in some swell store and he would say,
''Ah sho-nuf gotta git me DIS flo-walkin job
cause i'm ah don git it, yeah boz, ali sho
am gonna call de law and you'll gonna rest
20 self in de can, hot diggety dog. What say.
bop
The student going out for the Jewish minor
lty would speak about the same piece, except,
ing he would Use Milt CROSS d alect, on
which I suppose we might have to pay Milt a
! little royalty, and lay it on little thick like
saying 10y Gevalt, want you should gift
me already de job wot I am walking on de
floor vat"
1 am not so hot on Italian, Polish, Ukrainiar
; and Macedonian but with all that capital we
!; could hire experts from the owl when the
exodus starts and I going to beat Johr
Hartford over the with the argument that
the great majority in the United States are
going to need this course in order to join the
ninorities and get fair break. Handicapped