The Wyandotte news-herald. (Wyandotte, Mich.) 1943-1963, 1945-08-02
by
strauss
SantZ
Heat Stroke

Heat Stroke
THERE AMT no colyumn today
It's so hot we amt got the energy
TO rattle no skeletons in nobody's
closet. Besides, we feel bad
cause our Uncle julius got sent
back to Jackson Prison. He was out
on furlough.
Anyway. there amt no news. A
prominent business man out in
Gotrox Gulch beat up on his
wife. But when she picked herself
up off the floor she kicked him in
the stomach. That made it all even
.. so there was no story to it.
Wed go home right now but
the linotype operators gotta make a
Twin setting this stuff. And the
rest Of the readin on page one today
amt no better than this drivel
so you may as well read it through.
No the editorial dept. hasn't
gone TO sleep. People in Wyandotte
just quit misbehavin'. 1t happens
all the time in August. Folks just
run out Of bad things to do.
Only busy dept. around here is
the want ad crew. They were so
rushed waitin' on cash customers
they refused to accept our own ad.
So we'll just stick that in here,
too. II We don't get any answers
we'll know better next time and
place our sd in a good newspaper
Ike Ooh, wottinhell, it's
too hot TO fight)
Our Ad:
WANTED Newspaperwoman.
Terrible Working Conditions. Me-
diocre Pay. Must Have Strong Back
and Thick Skin. A Weak Mind Helps.
Apply Wyandotte News-Herald.
This job will fiji the spot to be
vacated by Miss Marie Herman d.
who has decided to go TO college &.
to study the delinquency amongst
professors. "I'll teach 'em a few
things" says Marie.
This here job that Marie slept
through has lots of possibilities.
With half break a person could
work at it for awhile F.. and still
live 10 a ripe old age. We want a
female for the job e. cause men
usually think twice before they sock
a newspaperwoman in the nose.
We've lad women reporters on the
staff before whose scars have healed
Sd well you'd hardly ever notice
where they were slapped around.
Besides, having women in a news
paper office builds up the morale. 1t
keeps swear words limited to four
letters ;. starting with damn.
Any lady applying for this job does
Mt have to be attractive but
it helps. If, after you are hired, we
find out you can't write worth a
tinker's dam we can, at least
enjoy the pleasure of your COM
pany. ShapelineSs is not considered a
criterion for the successful appli-
cant. We've known newspaperwomer
who have left this profession
to get a better job modelling
piano legs for Grinnell Bros. So
you see there Is future in it
There are lot of extras in thi;
Job. You get free tickets to the
Majestic Theater good any day
except Free Dish Night.
: And you can follow the police
{ around all day F.. to find out how
many families in town battle it out
more than your own. It's very uplift-
ing work if you can stand the
low life.
At least once a week If yoJ
hint hard enough you can eat
at the police station. This cuts dowr
on your expenses and also bring:
on ulcers of the stomach. After vol
are on the job awhile you'll find they
serve much better food at the firt
station.
Anyone who gets this job has go
10 come well stocked with cigar.
cites. There amt no chivalry among
newspapermen and chiseling il
not a lost art. Women on this stat
can even pick up the coffee checks
once In awhile. After all, the.
wanted suffrage i. and who arr
we to deny it to them.
All joking aside, this position
which is open has a lot. of goot
points. We can't point them on
here because Of lack of space
Besides, we can't remember them
Anyway, 1t amt polite to point.
II there are any applicants within
listening distance We want to hea
from them poste haste. Marie want
10 leave In a few weeks so sh
can enter hospital for awhile. Sh
has to recuperate.
Svv v0Vr az roffee time.