The Wilmington morning star., 1944-01-07
Bv WEsTBROOK PEGLER

NEW YORK.-President Roosevelt's little al
legory in which the deal is depicted as
doctor Of internal medicine called in to cure
patient come down of his own pizen suits
me just fine up to certain point That is,
agree that the patient was sick and called
in the doctor.
But contrary to Mr.. Roosevelts version of
what happened thereafter in my scenario the
doctor turned out to be a combination of
the old-time taiboaId professor selling tiger
marrow-fat to cure the Ills of man or beast,
and the modern quack with heightened adj
dress who gives quick look around the sick
room on arrival to see where the patient hung
his pants.
The doc arrived back in 1888 ard for fact
the patient was took real lad with fever and
misery and symptoms Of the bolts and the
crud. So the doc called III {, whole slew of
assistants including some Of the funniest-look-
ing Joes the world Las ever seen, many of
whom, themselves, were iii advanced stages
Of the queers, and for starter they whipped
up dose Of buchu and b1 anchwater and,
strapping the sick TO the bed SO he
couldn't struggle, put witch on his lip and
poured it down his gulict.
And if that doesn't work" you will re-
member the doc said at the time we were
bouncing all over the room and yelling, Lets
try turpentine'' and give MIN arsenic and
hell. hit him over the head, he amt worth
couple of them had torn MS trousers limb
from limb friskng them for bis money. All
this depressed the patient an old guy named
Sam, and he began to tret and moan so a
couple Of the specialists, listed as psychol-
ogists started making speeches Oft the foot
board of the bed in which they called him
all kinds of dirty names to test his emotional
reflexes. This put old SAM In state so that
he figured he was like TO die, and it didn't
do his spirits any good to hear his medical
staff comforting out loud by his bedside and
catch such remarks as hopeless, tell YOU
and "has he got any property
Nevertheless, thanks to very strong con-
stitution the old gentleman did put on rally
and his medical corps, far from rejoicing at
that figured that if he got vel. they would
be out of their jobs and therefore tipped him
slug out of the black bottle. which knocked
him looping into relapse. Meanwhile, they
got their lawyers busy searching for the old
gents assets and every time they would dis
cover some little thing OF value they would
come at him with document and fountain
pen, release his right hand from the straps
holding him to the bed and say Just sign
here, please
what am 1 signing?'' old Sam would say
"Oh, nothing nothing, just Formally, "
the head doc would say and the boys would
hop all over the old guy aid bicd him down
with more string
Through 1t all, the theme o. the expert
opinion was that old Sam just didn't live
right and would have to abandon his capitals
tic ways and take up socialism or commu-
nism, and that only made him feel the worse
because from babyhood his nanny don toll
him that capitalism the right way of
living and that socialism ana communism
were. sinful denominations. This was in the
very soul of the old man and yet there he
was, helpless, and practically living on bread
pills and sassafras, and whenever he would
come to for few minutes they would not
only remind him that they had already helped
themselves to all his poclct-money, cash in
bank and other assets but SHOVE him another
bill for fifteen twenty thousand million
dollars and get him to sign another LOU.
Mr. Roosevelt said the patient was up and
around and feeling pain when the roof
fell in on him on Pearl Harpor day, inflicting
fractures, Commissions and abrasions which re-
CURED the services OF a surgeon. But the
way 1 saw it, he was worse than ever and
taking transfusions of his own blood from his
left wrist to his right and his stout reaction
to the mishap came from his rugged native
inner strength and shock-nysteria.
If you look real close you will observe that
the surgeon is wearing false whiskers and
that he and his staff are the same old special
lists under new names.