The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1944-12-08
TIE MAN FROM MARS AND
THE AMERICAN RADIO

spent weekend IN America anC
was most anxious to return without
delay. Nothing could make him stay
longer. II seems he had spent the
time listening to the radio.
How do you like American" we
asked.
Gas the seat of stomach acidity,
bleeding gums, scalp troubles, In.
testinal difficulties and the like il is
terrific" he replied.
We didn't quite follow him.
II had no idea the United States
was a place mainly concerned with
matters Of gastric juices" he con-
tinued. yours Is distinctly phar-
maceutical land, isn't it?"
Pharmaceutical" we asked.
eyes," said the Man from Mars.
81 devoted most Of my visit TO learn
ing about America from the radio,
. most wonderful device, and l new
es heard SO much talk about pills,
cintments, lotions, settlers, capsules,
TABLETS, purges, etcetera, In my life.
You people must really be in
very bad way"
We began to understand now.
Zone Of the chief industries Of
your country" continued the Man
from Mars, Seems to be handling
the bad breath and body odor situa-
ton, which take it from the broad
casts, are your foremost national
problem"
snow look" we began.
"And you take it ali in such jol-
ly mood" he kept on. so many of
the radio references were in song.
The handling of B o., as you call it,
in musical mood is quite original.
But doesn't it ever get on your
nerves?"
] suppose that to a person from
another planet, totally unfamiliar
with our customs, the radio must
give strange impression" we said.
what do Americans do when not
taking vitamins?" he asked.
"Oh, that doesn't take up much
of their time" we insisted.
"But it must" said Ogwopi, the
Man from Mars. "Tm fairly ac-
tive person but l couldn't possibly
consider all the vitamins, make the
essential selection, take as di-
rected and have free moment left.
And your peoples scalps and teeth
must be in awful condition.
mot necessarily" we said.
THE air is damned with urgent
lectures on what to do about them,"
insisted the Man from Mars. 81
made two-hour check. The coast
forecast discussions of constipation
topped everything else on the air,
but the advices on anti-stomach acid
ity, dry scalp and mouthwashes ran
very close. You have my deepest
sympathy"
He was reaching for his hat.
"Oh, one thing" he said in the
doorway, "what was the name. of
that beer that wins wars? / want to
tell my c0untrymen about It.. We
have our disturbances you know. It
might come in very handy"
We gave him the name of six
beers and three ales.
"And that cigar?" he asked.
(Which cigar?"
''The one the announcer says has
been giving people pOise, content
ment, companionship and the feel
ing of brotherhood for 20 years?"
At that moment we tuned in on
the radio inadvertently. A voice de-
manded, "Are you over 35?"
The Man from Mars zoomed
away.
Global Croonery.
("I have not hesitated to travel
from court to court like q wander
ing minstrel. But always with the
same song or the same set Of
songs."-Winston Churchill.)
A wandering minstrel L
A thing of shreds and patches,
OF ballads, songs and snatches,
Designed for amity!
&sAy C0So1O6 10 AOnSp
With special tunes In Russian:
Avoiding all percussion
I sing Of right and wrongl
I wander from court to court
To sing Of understandings
(While making three-point landings)
To make the battle shorti
/ deity tune my Tyre
To keep us all as brothers,
And soothe the Poles and others
And not stir Joseph's irei
I'm in the minstrel "biz"-
! MARBLE hither-thither,
So friendships may not wither-
But what job 1t isl
Frightened on
When critics say, "This plays q
must"
! have no yen to get there fust.
Rhineland Version.
Herr Goebbels has announced that
-AL~11 @LsIIw.~