Bradley beam., 1944-02-19
CHEMICAL REPORTS
By Pvt. Douglas M. Deringer

Strawberry Blonde. i. .". :. Para graph 9, this column dated 12 Feb ruary 1914, pertaining to vocal achievements of T/5 Vincent L. Casey is amended to read Baritone and Don Juan, M-A-." Casanova Casey, the Phosgene Phantom and Lewisite Lochinvar is on the prowI. He has his rect pleat well riffed for a late date with a game flame. In other words, watch out girls, Cause Sinatra and Fred Astaire are due to lose out soon. We can't tes- tify to the dancing ability of afore- mentioned Lothario, but it's rumor- ed that he's just waiting for an- other dance on the Base to spring his new secret weapon, "The Casey Cakewak." Perhaps someone who was present at the last dance at the gym can shed more light on the subject.
 Note to those girls unable to reach Cpl. Casey: for an appoint ment or date, just call 23O and leave name, qualifications, etc., with secretary. Bookings filled three weeks in advance. Sorry, girls, you'll have to take your turn in line.
 It Herbert Harris arrived at work the other morning bearing small green bottle. Upon inquiry, he divulged the story of the con- tents. It seems that certain friends of his have taken to bring him to- mato juice. It would be nice If the kind people who bring this delicious beverage would give it in quart bot ties so we could all have morning cocktail party.
 It is with humblest servility and pride that Pvt. Thomas Jefferson Penn, IT,, AUS, ESQ, RSVP, and PDQ, Knight of Insomnia, Baron of Hair, Count of Coly's, and short of wind is awarded the Order of the Fallen Arch and three Clusters for bravery and meritorious service, above and beyond the call of duty. This loyal comrade exhibited ex- treme courage in the face of over whelming odds, when as KIP in the General Mess, he successfully smashed a frontal attack and pin cer movement by many bushels of potatoes and onions, thereby sav- ] ing his brothers-in-arms from the horrible fate of onions in their chile. Commentator is hardly ade- uuate, Pvt. Penn; but you carry with you the heartfelt thanks of innumerable chow-hounds, for you have proven yourself a true kitchen commando.
 Dear Penn: It Is with some de- gree of reluctance that we touch upon your private life, but we feel it is our duty as your Eastern hosts to acquaint you with the intricacies of our mechanical age. We must bring to your attention the differ ence between the Texas Horse and the Horseless Carriage. The chain beneath the front seat is for tow ing, not for tethering. Though we admit that this Detroit Disaster of yours is a marvellous machine, it IS still incapable of operating solely on the agricultural by-products which you choose to stuff into the gas tank. Such mistreatment on the part of such a great lover of ami mals, horses, and horsepower as youhself is somewhat baffiing, and we are sure that once you see the light, it will cease. P.S.-Do your shoes still pinch?
 Rhapsodie Pathetique: Late workers at BCO were amazed to hear Hank Holzheimer gurgling forth with dulcet strains from "Take It In Your Stride" one of the many hits from the successful "Battle of Bradley" To wit: "Take it in your stride, Fornescue and pratiswoo, katisivitz but dtiswoo, Take it in your stride" What goes here, "Bing"? It is understood that too much hard work is trying on anyone. but isn't it a little early