The Ypsilanti daily press. (Ypsilanti, Mich.) 1928-1962, 1944-07-14
Observations
Only Hatless Can
Obtain Water in
Pentagon
BY Helen Essary

1hAlAN AhEAAN NAbA q AANo ~ w =
heavy days: Those three smart
Republican boys-National Chair
man Brownell, Committeeman J.
Russell Sprague and Edwin Jackie.
who dwelt on the 25th floor OF the
Stevens Hotel during the Chicago
convention and told verybody
what 10 do-are being pleasantly
referred to as the political dupli-
Gates OF Wynken, Blynken and Nod.
The drinking fountains in the
War Departments Pentagon are so
arranged that II is impossible TO
get a drink OF water therefrom-
unless you take of your hat 1t is
extremely inconvenient for a WON.
an passerby TO remove that which
is currently known as a hat, II
invisible hair pins, the rubber
bandeau which keeps that which
is known as a hat on that which
is currently known as a head OF
hair, and then having done all
these things, TO twist the swan.like
throat into an ostrich neck while
STOPPING and bending-merely TO
get a drink OF water-bubbling
away two inches from your mouth.
Uniformed men have the same
trouble quenching their thirst in
the Pentagon. They cant reach
the fountains cooling squirt unless
they take off their caps. The foun-
tain is hooded. like a jack-in-the-
pulpit. Or is IL a chambered Nau-
titus? Anyhow, you have 10 90
thirsty in the Pentagon-if you
have a hat on.
Speaking Of hats-a mean man
phoned me the other morning, be-
fore breakfast, and said something
like this. That was the outrageous
column you wrote the other day
about Governor Dewey's mustache
being a campaign liability.
1T proves 10 me that women
have no right 10 be in politics or
10 vote, either. You ought to be
ashamed OF exposing your ignor-
ance that way. What's a mustache
got TO do with the election. any
how? Besides. some OF the finest
men in our history have had mus
taches. Even boards. Didn't Henry
Wadsworth Longfellow have
beard? And Buffalo Bill? And
Abraham Lincoln? Most OF our
poets had boards. How about
that"
Il still think they looked we'll IN
same | answered. "Td have lik-
ed TO meet poets when they were
smooth shaven with faces uncover
ed, and so discover what sort Of
fellows they were when they came
out in the open. Keats was un-
shaven and Byron. Maybe that's
why we thought they were so beau
tiful."
Listen, lady" said the Mean
Man. And a perfect stranger he
was TO me. ANY woman who
wears the kind OF thimble hold
er you do and calls II hat, has n
lot OF nerve 10 make remarks about
any mans mustache. Think that
one over"
have thought Il over and
still say a little blob OF black
mustache l. kinda funny. And I
like my hat even II the humidity
is taking the starch out OF It's up
zip.
Overheard on a capital bus:
One OF the things that worries
me about this war Is that good
potatoes are so hard to get Mine
have worm holes and things IN
them And II almost kills me to
pay 50 cents for a cantaloup. Can
taloups are phonier than ever this
year" +.
81 guess it's the Japanese beetles
that make them that way. Our
whole yard has been eaten up by
Japanese beetles They're even
walking into the house. found
some sticking 10 my verbena
plants. They ought not TO be hard
10 catch They're sort of sluggish.
| understand the reason the Japa-
nese beetles came over here is
that they got tired OF the food IN
their own country. What do you
suppose we could do 70 catch Japa-
nese beetles for good and always?
Maybe We ought 70 sick American
beetles on them"
Well don't know about beetles
and the bad luck they bring But |
do know about the SWEETEST piece
OF good luck Lutte has had with
her new baby. Her practical nurse
is an intimate friend OF the lady
whose husband runs the didee
wash. So the practical nurse ask.
ed her friend. who asked her hus.
band 10 move Lutte up on the
waiting list. She was down 10 1872,
Lutte said. And now she's second!
Isn't that a wonderful break?"
Well. good bye. dear. I'll he see
ing you. This war certainly has
taught me one thing. II doesn't
pay 10 cultivate congressman and
diplomats and people like that
when you live in Washington.
only wish I'd had sense enough -
make real friends with butchers
and laundrymen and that didee
wash mans wife,"