Browning chief. [volume] (Browning, Mont.) 1941-1953, 1944-02-04
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tween the social register and the
cash register.
At the Newspaper Guild Canteen a
hostess was dancing with a Coast
Guardsman. When the music
stopped, he pulled out routine 77B
and said: Nov let's sit down and
talk about. you" They sat and he
put an arm around her.
II get it," she said, II see you
talk with your hands,"
Honey" he grinned, "1'm only
whispering now
Mrs. Albert Einstein visited the
astronomical observatory atop Mt.
Wilson and asked about the giant
telescope. 1--WE use it," she was
told, ito discover the shape of the
universe"
"My husband" said the famed
scientists wife, docs the same
thing on the back of an envelope"
A Major told this one to the ca
diets at Yale the other day. He
said General Giraud and 1t. Gen.
Clark were discussing the best pos
sible places for setting up staff head
quarters in combat zones The
youthful Clark recommended a GER
tain distance from the firing lines,
but the older Giraud shook his head
and said: 'Too far back. I like to
be right up there on the line"
"But, sir" said Clark, "you were
captured twice"
Shortly after the Sullivan parents
of Waterloo (Iowa) learned of the
loss of their five sons aboard the
cruiser Juneau" they visited Wash
ington, where they volunteered to do
anything to complete the job their
boys had started. A tour of de-
tense plants was arranged.
MON" Sullivan CATER a lifetime
in Waterloo) suddenly found herself
lady of leisure. There was plenty
to keep her busy with ten and
twelve defense plants scheduledD,
yet she missed the little tasks of
cleaning the house, getting break
fast, etc.
One morning when the Navy Lieu
tenant (who accompanied them)
called at her hotel room in Chicago
ne found Nom making the beds. She
confessed she had been tipping
chambermaids Throughout the coun-
try) for permitting her to make the
beds herself. II just wanted to keep
my hand in" she said.
My favorite gag dealt with funny
man TAFT (Tait's motoring act) who
dreaded coming to the U. S. from
London where he was always riot.
Martin Beck persuaded TAFT to come
here-assuring him he'd click. To
get TAFT used to American audiences
they booked him first at Yonkers,
N. Y, where he laid frightful ONE
let at his first appearance.
Next afternoon (sauntering along
the main street there) TAFT paused
at fish store window. AS he stud
led huge dead mackerel, with eyes
staring blankly and mouth wide
open, TAFT exclaimed: "'Eaven's
above! Tibet reminds meh! Hi ave
a matinee!"
Will Rogers in 1927: The best way
to describe Russia is, Russian men
wear their shirts hanging outside
their pants. Well, any nation that
don't know enough to stick their
shirt-tail in will never get anywhere.
l am the only person that ever wrote
on Russia that admits he don't know
thing about it. On the other hand,
l know as much about Russia as
anybody that ever wrote about it.
Raymond Paige relays it via a
pal in London. It's about the Air
Corps officer assigned to a desk job.
He objected to fiers getting extra
pay for flying time. "Why should
you get more?" he barked at
Texas pilot. "We're all in this war
together!"
81 know" drawled the Texan,
"but who ever heard of two desks
crashing head-on?"
variety, discussing the chilly re-
ception given actors in Pittsburgh,
recalls when Katharine Cornell ap-
peared there in "Three Sisters"
Some in the audience complained
that they couldn't hear much of the
dialog. Told this (between acts) by
the stage manager, Miss Cornell re-
torted: "Tell the audience we can't
hear them either!"
Much the same thing happened
recently when "Blithe Spirit" played
there. Night before it opened, some
of the troupe put on show for
wounded soldiers at an army hos
pital. After the premiere, Clifton
Webb wired his agent: "I.ast night
we played to the wounded; tonight
we played to the dead!"
Van Bowen, one Of the funnier
comics always a riot at the Palace
on Broadway, used to warn others
about the opening matinee audience