davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
II. v. DURLING

what with having readers IN
Friday Harbor, Wash, Putin
Bay, O.. What Cheer. Ia. and
Smackoyer. Ark
Seaman John f. Wood of the
navy says Upon returning from
cruise ef Is -days found
waiting for me 24S letters from
my wife and friends, Is that a
record2" G
4 subscriber named 1kath-
Tynne says there are IS ways Of
spelling the name Katherine.
Guess she is right but ! can only
think Of % ways Of spelling
that name.
FRANK SINATRAS father
Il was a fireman. Who remem-
bers a popular song titled My
Old Mans a Fireman. What Do
You Think of That? ,"
There are hospitals in New
York. Chicago and Boston
completely stated by women
doctors. Most men have no con-
fidence in feminine physicians.
Most women prefer male doc
tors. This Is a curious state Of
affairs. Isn't 1t a fact women
are all born doctors? That they
have a talent for caring for the
sick? Consider how many times
your mother helped you with
oldiaShloncd en- G dies and
clever care. Consider how your
wife has pulled YOU through
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
By George E.
Sokolsky

this country. the sort of thing
that followed in the part of the
last war and the last peace.
II would be tragic. If, even
before the war is ended, Great
Britain became an issue in
American domestic politics.
No matter how one regards
the forthcoming election. it
looks very close. If Mr.. Dewey
keeps the currently Republican
states. ne may succeed in win
ming. Mr.. Roosevelt may pro-
duce another victory. Few wise
men are gambling on the results
at this stage, Mr.. Churchill
ought not, in the interests of his
country. blunder in where angels
fear 10 tread.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

but. like a great many things,
II has become an element oi.alr
power. II IS an essential lngre-
dent in the construction Of air.
dromes. runWays, hangers and
underground storage spaces for
fuel and ammunition The
Padang plant. reported 10 be
producing 100000 tons Of this
product. IS "A war value that
would not be willingly thrown
away
II JAPAN possessed substan-
thai air power on Sumatra.
no surface force could have en-
tered those waters without
molestatlon.
The character Of this raid may
consequently amount 20 a proof
that the enemy Is too deficient
In aviation 20 shield even its
more vital industrial elements.
II IS apparently unable 10 pro-
tect its swollen empire. and A
deflatIon OF that empire is IN
the cards
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
BY Damon
Runyon

besides those l have outlined
above.
| have a friend i'm Los An
geles who was supposed 10 be
one of the healthiest men alive
but who came down recently
with a mysterious attack that
was not solved until they took
him TO a croaker and had
cardiograph made. Instead OF
the usually tipSy lines that the
cardiograph gadget usually
makes, this one got on the
wrong tangent and registered
my friends mental processes.
not his heart action, and what
came out was a message IN
plain words as follows
II wish I had knocked with
Six"
I REPEAT some of my stories
L over and over in this column.
not because | do not remember
j have told them before hut be-
cause l figure l may catch a
new reader how and then who
had not heard them. and this
applies 10 my tale about the
guy who made a big bet at Nick
the Greeks IN stud poker game
and then began shivering and
shaking as Nick contemplated
the situation at length.
Nick" he said. "if YOU call
me I'll have "A fit"
$50 ahead" Nick said. push
ing in his dough
The guy fell on the floor in
his promised fit. sure enough
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
One Word Led to Another
The Detroit Ttmst
BY Patterson
BY Arthur Bugs Bael

With the football season coming remember l
read where Princeton had lost all it's HOBBY Baker
mepentos through fire in the field house.
Well, it just happens that ! have the original Of
the greatest sports cartoon drawn It's of the Dart
mouth game around 1914 when the Big Green play
ing a mere II men the team.
II drawn by Edgren Of the old Evening World
What makes historic is the esteem which HOBBY
held by his pals And the which he died in
the service Of his country.
ANY reliable Princeton wishing TO look over
this cartoon eligible to do But he will have to tip
toe through the cautious tulips IN only 40 miles from
Yale and bad news sure skirts the ends
The cartoon is 30 or more years old? I'm not
about the exact year But the game which
Hobey 50 yards through the entire Dartmouth team
and quite few of the visiting rooters.
1t shows this run also fine portrait of HOBBY by
Edgren Buethenhal recovering important tumble and
De Witt putting the crusher on the Big Green line.
y
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

which amounts TO the same
thing. The result is the weakieS'
health is sadly undermined.
Their lungs are affected by
their own excess smoking or by
the nicotine vapors emitted by
others. Their eyesight is inn
paired by long peering At the
cards.
II is a common practice for
card players 10 partake OF
snacks during long sessions and
here is where those of less dur
able stomachs start their ul-
GERS. Perhaps their absences
from home makes for domestic
discord and consequent unhappy
mental reaction, though that IS
a detail compared TO mans
health.
RUT have you ever heard the
~ strong say TO the weak
Look, podner, you are about
at deaths door and I think we
better call IL a night"
You have not. That IS. not IL
the strong is loser. And say
tn ere is nothing friendly"
about card game like that.
even regardless Of the money
consideration.
There is an element Of ex-
element in playing cards for
money. especially TO one who
is playing with what is called
distress money" which is
money he needs and this excite
ment often produces divers and
sundry anatomical disturbances
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
BY DR.. Logan
Clendening

with less difficulty and strain
than the far-sighted scholar.
AStlgmatism Is another de-
feet for which the child may
compensate. but this compensa-
ton leads 10 eye strain.
An enormous amount of adj
vance has been made in the
public hygiene of eye defects by
modern printers and lighting
engineers. l wonder If you
realize how much work and
thought is behind the typo
selected for clarity and easy
reliability by your newspaper
editor. As to lighting, the mod
ern engineer mo longer aims at
brightness alone, because that
usually brings on glare.
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
A! r.: Is there any treatment
for auricular fertilization besides
digitalis?
Answer; Digitalis Is the
heaven sent specific for the con-
dition, but rest and a light diet
are necessary adjuncts.
NJ {. l.: AS a child I had
small goiter. Now at 35, follow
ing the birth of my child. my
neck is enlarged, and my basal
metabolism is la.
Answer: Pregnancy causes
the thyroid gland TO swell in
response TO extra nutritional
demands. The basal metabolism,
however. is a little too high for
complacency. ] would advocate
waiting and see how after a
year things are.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
Brain Game Answers

1.-The buffalo.
2-The secretary of state.
3-(a) Encyclopedia, OBJ guar
anteed, (c) police depart
ment. I'D elevation, (e)
Securities and Exch ange
Commission.
4-(a True. CD False. Most
helicopters require the CO.
ordination of five controls.
5-Articles of Confederation.
6-London. Paris. Cordova, Ca.
dir, Naples, Constantinople
or Istanbul.
Tn the trot the horses legs
move in diagonal pairs: in
the pace they move in lateral
pairs.
Virginia.
Copyright. 1914. by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
Detroit Times RatiOning Timetable

GASOLINE
Coupon i2-3 gals Vaue ;-r7lan
sept ~
k-5 and 81 Counons-S gals each
IA and ca Coupons gals rscr
Law REQ tires state name ard N- rr
number - written On every c04r.1
when received
FIFf oft
Period and Period s-vslli THOUGH
Sept 30
Period i-vaIii huush sepn 3o,
lq4S
LIQUOR
M is-vslid through sept 80.
sHOTS
Ahplsn- stamps ans t-Na3i -
drhniteiv
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

PROCTSSED FOODS
hlus IS through L-s-vahi inde1
ui.fir
MATS. CHTESE. VATS
Re- "a through n-s-Vaild indrd
flte.N
Nod IS - snd G-s-Vslid Sept
INDEFINITELY
on N saieaF~ Cat, good for q cents
and to- meat ration points
SUGAR
Stamp 30 II u and II Book a
Wand Indefinitely
stamp 40 NJ. q ROok-S It's for can
nins through Feb "a isA5. b.
spare stamp IT. No . Book-vaid for
cadmium % 20 lbs for canning
Apply locsl board
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

sands. For a self-addressed
envelope / will tell you of two
other methods that have proved
helpful 10 many drinkers.
3-Not IL he be a real, and
not self-advertised, expert"
There are hosts Of the latter.
What causes this popular notion
about experts is that they are
often wrong. A doctor makes a
wrong diagnosis. an engineer
nliscalculstes a project, etc.
Second. quacks are always bet
ter advertisers and bigger liars
than experts. Let quack be
right once in a million and the
public applauds: let the expert
be wrong once in two million
and the public condemns. The
basic fact is the public can't
tell a quack from an expert.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

ITS the old bivouac area We
i came this morning, early. SIX
of us. as a quarterlng party.
The battalion viii come tomor-
row, but today IT an empty
place in the pine forests. with
the crows screaming at US and
the savage, distant thump Of
mortar frfe-only that 10 dis
turb the woods
40 Of us recognized II. the
RI are new men here For
them It's just another woods.
To us .-..
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

EDITORS NOTE-Pvt. Pick
srins, former Times eoiumnist.
is an infantrymdn at Fl. Me-
Cieiian. Ala. These vriting, are
excerpts from his letters TO
friends at the office.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04
Connolly Answers

Ia. "a. sc. &C. Sb.
ga. ST. John, b. st. Luke,
c. Christ, d. ST. Matthew, Q.
st. Mark.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-09-04

TINE DETROIT TIMES CT
Sept. lsA
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
Letters From
A Soldier

I'LL bet that when she gets
l. married she'll be meek as a
mouse and it'll take her about
30 seconds TO forget all she has
learned about shouting down
the men foik-eXeept for the
normal amount Of fireworks
that comes natural to a good
wife.
But il Is funny TO see a
WAC about as big as a peanut
reading the riot act 10 a bunch
of GfS who are used 10 maxi
ing -2q-H4iie-rfarcfeS carrying
on their backs enough military
equipment 10 outweigh the
WAC.
And I've noticed that the CTS
have an eye for a pretty WAC
when she gets dolled up in her
dress uniform.
They may be at some disad-
vantage against the girls who
can wear what prettles they
please. but you still hear the
comment from soldiers, "Lookit
there's darn good-Io0kip'
WAC over therew
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02

The buses run only every half
hour, so there's always a mob
waiting 10 get on, and the WACs
do an efficient job OF packing
the customers aboard
"All right, let's get aboard.
but don't block the doorway"
! heard one of them ordering.
Soldiers continued to knot up
around the doorway.
II said move back" said the
girl "And when / say move
back, I mean move back. dam
nit, and il you don't know who's
boss around here jus, stay
where you are and you'll find
out"
Cts. from private 10 tech
sergeant. moved back. There
was A note of authority that
cowed EN-.
Her next trouble was clearing
a path through a crowd of men
who couldn't gel on and had to
wait for tke next bus.
They insisted on clustering in
front of the bus so 1t couldn't
move.
The little WAC blew the
horn. Nobody moved.
She stuck her head out the
window and let out a below
that you could have heard two
blocks away.
Listen, you. why don't you
move when I-hlow- the horn?
You want 10 get out of the way
once or you want to get run
over once, huh"
They decided to get out Of the
way once.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02

i wonder what makes
no.elistS with good minds say
such darn fool things You don't
gct your courage out of your
nose nor your even nor uneven
temper. either
-lJI ~ iSlz- be So
poor boss No one can do his
-heSt-uR4eSS- e5.Ft-saeL Sefffe-
distance ahead OF his work. A
boss should never forget 10 try
TO see everything from the
worker 5 side as well as hi
own side.
3-My, my yes I know
big executive who always
cramps my style like wet
blanket. / also know a mechanic
who makes everybody around
him feel at home. you're ac-
duainted with him the moment
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
OLIVER LYTTLETON, Brit

OLIVER LYTTLETON, Brit
" ish cabinet minister. denies
all the recent charges here that
he was a member of this and
that appeasement group in
Britain.
\ Lyttleton was the BriiiShcr
/who in a careless speech said
the l. s. provoked Japan into
attacking us etc And so there
you have his denial.
Does Lyttleton deny the fol-
lowing?
That before the war he was
a director of MetallgeScllschaft
ln-EeaaktaFt-s,fa-Aiet.,22-
And that this metal firm tone
OF the largest Nazi monopolieS)
was one of Hitler'S most i'm
portant money hackers?
Didn't Lyttieton, as director
of that firm tand as president
of-the Amalgamated Metal
Corp, Ltd, London), have
controlling voice in the manage
ment Of the Rio Tinta Mines in
SPAIN
And@aren't they among the
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02


@ As "a Philadelphia would
bike 20 ask what you think Of
having the peace conference
held m Independence Hall in our
cfs?
A-SOunds like n great idea
H. nae. Let London have the
trial of war criminals and
Philadelphia the peace confer
cnce. Seems New York, the
greatest city in the world,
should get Anme kind of a break.
fipW about turning Hitler and
G0cbbels over 90 the New
Workers for the Central Park.
Zoo
Youy soi IS pg1e and true.
The good stars met "a jour
horoscope
HUff you Of 2pJif1g6 ana dCIC.
Husbands, etc,
CEEMS there is hardly any
y thing the producers Of Greer
Carson S pictures won't DO for
her. Greer stated she was tired
Of appearing in long sklrted
costumes and wanted a scene
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02

nowadays Hoffman ncglects
them both M favor OF press
agcnlry.
Maybe The mugg ianCfcS
money. iloi said 10 have soH7c
tai publicity accounts. He
knows has Manhattan Island
better than a detective He is
constantly digging up unusual
places 20 cat lie Is extremely
nca-Slgnied | am not one 10
elaborate on a man affection,
bur Hoffman $ near>igntedncsS
Is famous. No man living has
been seen with more different
girls and Hoffman $ friends say
be often asks Of female COM
p3non
" hat does she took like"
| think TINS is probably an
cSaggcrauon Stlil, I nave seen
hlm when | thought his faulty
vision gave him the best Of n.
MAYBE Hoffman VIII nor like
VI beng called 4 press agent.
Some OF these press agents are
touchy on TINS point They pre-
fcr being termed publicity men
or public relations counsel.
They o." more hgh-falHitR'
rdWaddy ihan The Old tliUe
artists OF their game IKE The
great Harry Rickcnbach who
got more money on one con
traCt tnan mozt .nresS agents
=Ga- te.ett---t---fftzr-- -MQLk-
llarry was stunt press agent
pulling Spectacular dldOcS 10
POI oYcr 4S sui
Hoffman IS what YOU might
call q planter dropping "a
mere neaisen a. ~, sldt7a-7 ~
thct gt' spots rather than sock
Ing bulk hallyhoO Hoffman Is
smart He never offers YOU arr~<
thing for publication that isn't
Of human inteyc>t and worth
publishing for It's own value.
Hoffman made himself solid
with me ty keeping ms hcllos
up blg and strong all The way
through though 10 tell tho truth
] suspect that La ms nearSIeht-
cdncsS ne may have mistaken
me foT WIncheu.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
Sok0tskY-

My references in this article
are not 10 that. They are 10 the
man who stands before the
microphone and speaks with au-
-thority when he can have no
responsibility. who says what
VIII be done when he cannot
possibly know.
He is the type of commenta-
tor who speaks the candidates
intentions and promises when
actually they are no obligation
upon the candidate unless he
speaks them himself.
In q word. thus is another
protest against trickery and
bluff and buncombe in this cam
palgn. r
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
BE- " EkEvEpH Kx-eN On the
A@s~N . A1 u E-A-NSs Side

IN which she wore short skirts
So people would see she wasn't
bOW-lcgCed.
SO the producers gave her
that scene in Random Harvest
where she did a dance an kits.
Recently Miss Carson said she
would like 10 have more changes
of costume I'm hcr next picture.
In Mrs Pennington she has
es.-i.gft4.a7--s.tfsi-
f--1ae- 4A4ttHi-- t-t-tI- ii-lr-ii-t --t,9
refuse anything 10 "a woman
with rcd hair and green eyes,
/ know a fellow who has a rcd
haired Wccn.cycd wife and she
has thrce mink coats.
Maids and cook lIGuSE-
maIdS VIII BE- plentiful in 1915,
SO. claims an employment eX-
pert Maybe so. But good
domestic workers viii probably
Doe still hard 10 got am ndrd 10
keep
The dizzy socially conscious
type of female VIII have to
eliminate petty snobbery from
her relations with domestic
employees The maid and cook
OF the future Will have 70 be
treated In the Same way bust
nessmcn treat secretaries and
other office cInDl0Vcs.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02

m THFnU2 81 bOuU0mmle gifts
and gray
I'VE real reason. however.
L why l wish Congress 10 give
further study 10 pickle pricing
can there Ecier Piper and your
peck Of prlClng pickles. Is that
feel The OpA order lacks a
measure Of clarity
This IS what ~ SAYS
The new pricing system cor
relates the pricing OF fresh
cucumber pickles by professors
with the method used i'm figur-
ing aproccS>or ceiling prices for
pickles made from cucumbers
That ara-itr~t- rurrtt I'm SAIL brine
Until now professor of
fresh cucumber pickles deter
mined the weighted average
price per dozen containers. fob.
factory. which he charged for
the same item during the first
90 days after the beginning of
The la pack
TO that he adds \ per cent
To cover cost increases other
than Tor cucumbers and increase
Tor fresh cucumber costs AT the
rate OF 10 cents per bushel."
All ! can >ay Is that unless
Congress does something I
Shudder 10 think what Will hap
pen 10 the postwar cucumber.
SPEAKING Of cucumbcrs.
- see 10y the public prin1s-that-
eAffarC Booihe Luce NAV
now continue her political ca.
rccr
Let me hasten to explain that
the only connection | adm,
between cucumbcrS and Mrs
Luce rs that ! am forever beinr
informed that a cucumber *
the thing She Is as cool as I
have taken a firm stand on mrs
ana viii not welcome any al
temptS 10 talk me out of H.
The paper SAID that Mrs
Luce may step out Of the re-
election picture because OF an
lniornccinc feud in Connect
cuts Republican state circles
] cannd-unde+-+F-4ftits ---vTfTrrrT-
thing like feud would bother
Mrs. Luce but that is what the
paper implied.
q + hofe-aHd Trust thcrc is
nothing 10 The STORY and-th-.,-
WIS Luce remains with US Her
departure would leave an aching
VOID
Moreover. it would be very
hard on most of NaShin on's
lady correspondents. They would
be bereft of safety valve.
They would be in grave danger
of spontaneous combustion. If
every time they felt an extra
attack Of cattineSs coming on,
they could not work II off on
the Connecticut chamber.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02

important money contributors
10 Franco?
Isn't IL true that Lyttlston's
business associates include DR..
Carl Bosch of the brains dept
Of the NaZi chemical war pro-
2 gram?
Isn't Bosch chairman Of the
board of the Nazi !. c. Farben-
induStrle?
abollt-hI S-fIIend.-DE-
Warlimont, whose brother is a
colonel on the German general
staff?
4 CERTAIN New York State
"A Senator after a nervous
breakdown aru-a-haliday in
sanltarium, was pronounced-
hOnky-dooly.
lie returned 10 the Senate AZ
Albany, where he engaged III
hot debate the first day.
During the debate, one OF his
opponents. forgetting the mans
Illness, lost his temper and
yelled "You're crazy"
Pulling out his scharg
certificate. our hero waved IT
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
Brain Game Answers

1-Hashish.
2--(b) A musical instrument
Can oboe).
3-North of Japan.
4-Halifax. Nova Scotia. where
the ramming of a ship car
rying explosives resulted In
a blast that killed 1900 per-
sons, injured 10000 more and
destroyed the northern part
of the city.
5-L-for 80. C for 100; D for
500. NJ for loco.
6-The. Welland Canal.
IA mythical creature with the
body of horse to which was
attached the upper half of a
man.
S-John Quincy Adams.
Copyright, 1874, by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02

VNiE public in general seems
L TO have found out despite
that insane whispering cam
paign of some months back -
That The MACs are pretty
sane bunch Of gals. but I've had
some people ask what the army
life does 10 them.
I'll have no admit that 7 don't
know much about the WACS.
There are some al Fort Nc
Clcllan but ! don't sec much Of
thom a lot work in the various
offices, and at the telegraph Of
fee, and diners drive The OF
buses. We have about four bus
lines in the fort, which don't
-cr3rEc any fare, and the WACs
drive thCn.
They wear work trousers and
-cHI1S- ard ankle.hlgh- GI shoes
that look like our marching
shoes. except not quite As
heaNy. Inc Quilt isn't what
you'd call glamorous. but l no.
ice that the girls always seem
% have their colffureS right up
10 par So / guess a lady'S a
lady whether she drives a bus or
SeWs a fine seam.
TIVE girls DO develop a tech
nlque OF language that re-
ScnbleS platoon sergeant ;.
They don't use the same words.
They're NcrY ladY-hke In choice
OF words. and | wouldn't be sur
priSed II they were under or
dcrS 10 keep away from pro-
family bat they get their IDEAS
gCTDE-
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
w .ASHENGTON SCENE
By George Dixon.

VI
Y gresS are returning 10 their
legislative duties after a short
Vacation. the time would seem
10 toe ripe for a close scrutiny
Of the OpA.S nov method Of
pricing pickles
! feel thar Congress and me
havcsIde tracked the scrutiny
Of pickles long enough You
can only sidrirack q pickle so
long ! am We'll aware that 1t
is = touCnyg subject but tenn
porting only aCgraNatcs things.
II Is better all around 10 take
the bull by The horns. I do not
-r-Ver--t'ffyy--tf- -7rryy- WY TITS should
bc SO because / cannot under
stand how taking the bull by
the horns would achieve any
thing on behalf Of pickles bat
YOU can see how acceptable tins
would b. 10 both political
What we need most, as We
approach the era OF postwar
problems, IS more of The spirit
uf give and take. For instance
Nh Dewey. | am sure would be
Glrtt-TO give Mr. Roosevelt
pickle II Mr.. Roosevelt would
take H.
This would create a spirit OF
honhommic which Is well
known southern dish listed on
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-08-02
One Word Led to Another
By Arthur Bugs" Baer-

-TAey-saN France Will rise from the ashes Of this
debacle But think that tabled phoenix bird would get
tired of this perpetual and self-funding hotfoot
France has had more ups and downs than city
dude hoSs-back.
We've been good pals TO that nation. So much so
that Lafayette a visit.
But there's one thing our decorated heroes cannot
understand. fhat When French general grabs them
by the ears like loving cup
He then kisses them on both sides like he cancel
ing registered letter.
The greatest hero Of the first world war wasn't
decorated The French general couldn't catch him All
those French officers have compilations like kitchen mOps
Their whskers start with eyebrows, throw out
handebars south of their and tie under their chns
like sunbOnnet strings
Getting kissed by faceful Of landscape not cntic-
ing. Gen Eisenhower has worked out lendease
scheme with France The foreign generals have to
dictate their kisses to their senographers who deliver