The Waterbury Democrat., 1944-03-20
Jesse ADLER Looks at the NEWS

Prof. Albert Einstein, who cele- brated his 65th birthday the other day, proved his discovery of the Law of Relativity wasn't just a flash ir2 the pan. He completed his income tax return in hours!
 Incidentally it's a good thing to remember that it's better to pay taxes than to pay tribute!
 There's report that ex-Gov. Po- letti, now It. Col in Italy, has escaped from attempted asSasSins three times. He ought to read what's happening in Albany!
 Florida o. P. A. officials have been conducting a campaign to find out if out of state licensed cars are use ing legal gas coupons. One guy, found burning blackmarket gas, was fined, his coupons c0nfiscated and terrific tongue lacing before he was freed. They didn't find out til 3 days after he skipped town about another little irregularity- the bird was driving stolen car!
 Rome claims Virginia Gayda, Mussolinis former Goebbles, was killed during an Allied raid on Rome. It couldn't have happened to a nicer Gayda!
 Italian prisoners in Southern Eng land went on strike because their ratiOns of half 8 pint of beer a day stopped flowing. This is one strike they won't pin on our favOritc pin on boy-JOhn L. Eyebrows.
 Theodore Habicht, who led Hit ler's secret organization when it was forming in Austria back in 1881, is laying out blue prints for the mob to go underground when the Allied invasion forces threaten. He'll have our complete collabora- tion-that's our idea, to help put them feet underground!
 Berlin announced this week that they have abandoned Uman In the Ukraine. They abandoned it years agO-OnIy then we used to spell 1t Human.
 Capt. Robert L. Pierce of Lincoln, Neb., hero of 160 bomber missions in the Pacific area, cabled his par ents he'd arrive the next day. His mother, delighted, wired back: Rather you come by train, Safer!'
 The Jap radio accuses Americans of the same astrocitieS they actually pulled themselves. That's like a guy who runs around with gals ac. cusing his wife of running around with guys.
 Dog-tags are now made O. com pos;tios. O. GSy Beans instead O. understanding them edible in case of emergency.
 The army has a new system of passing on a mans physical state of health. They no longer "feeP to see 'if the body is still warm. They give him a Profile TeSt'-lOOking him over -wiSe-tben determine how much training he can take. They can't even look you straight in the face any mOre-
 A native of Ft. Lauder0ale (Fla). has his neighbors nuts. He claims he lost $4,250. in bills somewhere along the Highway. What he failed to tell them was that they were un- paid bills.
 Lawrence Anderson of Seattle en. listed in the army back In '42. He was discharged because of . missing trigger finger. Then he was re-in- ducted, then discharged again for the same reason. Friday he got his mastering -Out check-but in the same mail the fingerless Anderson got his induction papers again. He's wondering who's trying to give him the finger.
 Did you wonder what happened to that artificial heart" Chas. A. Lindbergh once discovered? It's turned up inside several of our very own Congressmen.
 Speaking of Washington Bob Considine of the N. Y. Journal. American writes the PentagOn Bldg. could house everybody in that City. We always thought 1t did!