Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1944-06-12
FAIR
ENOUGH
BY Westbrook
Peqler

THE lady who is suing an
u auditor of the OPA for
$4,000 on the ground that he
bruised her reputation by chal-
longing her expense account has
sounded a, sickening note in the
revolution. 1t is not pleasant
10 us who, by tradition and in
Stinct, have regarded auditors
as worthy opponents to be met
with such fair weapons of in
genuity and high dignity and, in
some cases, with temperament.
That is not the way the game
Is played You don't try to coll
lect for personal injuries when
a sportsman bleeds your nose
in a friendly fight.
Auditors. in their peculiar
way, are not bad. Their job is
to detect not larceny so much
as stupidity, and some have
been known TO glow with adj
miration for beautiful examples
of a peculiar art. II a war
correspondent with Pershing's
column in Mexico lost SIPS in
the poker game and the item
showed up as the price Of one
horse shot from under him by
skulking VilliStas. the auditor
might know privately that the
reporter had an expensive Curl
osity and a weakness for inside
straights but pass it, neverthe-
less.
But If the correspondent had
two bad nights and charged
$3.50 for the horse. the auditor
was justified in faulting him
for sheer laziness. He should
have had the energy and per-
Sonal pride 10 split il up into
two entries. accompanied by
receipts of S125 each, separated
by several other items and
dates, such as mess bill, May 8
TO IS. SS4 So" news tips from
Mexican poems. S35. May 49,"
and share of cost of presenta-
ton sword for Capt. Patton.
May Ia, $40"
OF COURSE auditors do vary
" but mostly they vary ac-
cording 10 circumstances beyond
their control. If the paper is
frugal, the people know it and
reckon their expense accounts
accordingly. A rich and ex-
travagant paper has another
set of values and higher ex-
penSe accounts, although the
two men may share the same
room and the same taxi and
both patronize the same chill
parlor for their meals.
AS young reporter in Iowa
on a very economical paper, l
got away with murder on an
assignment to a hamlet called
Cambridge. where a little boy
was reported TO have been muir
dered by a neighbor through
the cruel and unusual device of
stuffing him down a post hole.
The fare waS only so cents,
fixed by law, and subject to no
liberties but ! belted them good
with Is cents for a room over
night and S1.25 for dinner and
breakfast The farmer who
found the little boy in the hole
put me up on sofa in the par
Tor and fed me night and morn
ing because ! honestly assured
him we would print a picture
of him in his wedding suit. The
SIPS for meals really amounted
TO $3.50, for / would have spent
that much anyway had I re-
NAMED in town. However. we
didn't print the picture because
the little boy hadn't been showed
down the hole at all, the dirty
little liar. He climbed down
himself, and couldn't get out
and there was nothing wrong
with him that couldn't be fixed
by good licking. So the story
made up to nothing more than
little item back among the
electric belts and golfers.
nor ironic contrast, many
years later, a city editor
whose name will ever be revered,
wired me $500 in Miami and
bade me gamble illicitly and
write fearless denunciation Of
wantonness in a prohibition
state. For two nights fortune
Knocked me and | ran the $500
up to $500, and won even at the
slot machines. Meanwhile. how
ever, champagne at S24 bottle,
and caviar, and burning cherries
in candy liquor at So an issue,
plus converts at s. each for
self and party" as the stilted
expense account phrase has il,
helped toward a balance. And
then 1 really did get caught in
the spokes and disposed of the
nest egg with elegant grace.
But il was an ordeal. Had
won $1,000. the auditor might
have been pleased, but the city
editor had been a reporter him.
self, and he still respected the
fine old manners and customs
of the craft.
/ never saw Floyd Gibbons
expense account. but an original
Gibbons would be suitable for
framing. for Floyd had gram
deur. His uniforms were beau
tiful, his feathers ariStocratic.
and where another man might