The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1944-04-21
ELMER TWITCHELL ON A
SIMPLIFIED TAX BLANK

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Congressman-Now, Mr.. Twitch-
ell, you are aware that we are look
ing for ideas for making the income
tax blank simpler. Have you any
suggestions?
Elmer-Yes, sir. First Of all !
would propose that the double-edged
steel scraper be eliminated.
Congressman-There is no steel
scraper in the tax blank.
Elmer-Well, whatever the thing
is that draws blood in the first three
paragraphs!
Congressman-Nothing in the in
come tax blank draws blood. Pro-
coed!
Elmer-I'm just judging by the
color. How about cutting out the
electrodes?
Congressman-What electrodes?
| Elmer-Now don't tell me they're
not in the present tax blankl I can
show you my burns.
Congressman-Please get down to
fundamentals, Mr.. Twitchell. Have
you, seriously, any constructive
ideas for a simple blank?
Elmer-Of course. 1t can be sim.
plified in a thousand ways. You
can start by cutting out that big
black heading "FORM 1041. TREAS
URY DEPARTMENT, INTERNAL
REVENUE SERVICE" at the top
Of the blank. It lowers the taxpay-
er's morale and vitality at the out
set.
Congressman - There may be
something in that. What else?
Elmer-Why not eliminate all that
tripe about full name, street, town,
city and state?
Congressman-How would you cut
that?
Elmer-Just let a taxpayer give
his first name. And only his street
address without stating the town or
state. That would simplify every
thing! oh, boy!
Congressman How would the
government know how to locate the
taxpayer?
Elner-He wouldn't know. That's
why / like the idea.
Congressman-Come, come, what
else?
Elmer-Well, you could drop all
parentheses. Most of the trouble
comes out of those things In paren-
theses. And let's have fewer dotted
lines.
Congressman-We have to have
those dotted lines for answers.
Elmer-How are you gonna make
the income tax burden simpler UNI
less you permit taxpayers to make
fewer answers?
Congressman - You have some
thing there, Mr.. Twitchell. Anything
else?
Elmer-Yes. Eliminate all words
like fiduciary, net gain, balance,
item, schedule, computation, etc.
COngressman-What words would
you substitute?
Elmer - Well, there's always
''Mairzy Dotes."
FISHING BY SOUND DEVICE
("Secretary Ickes says that the
echo-sOunding devices developed In
hunting U-bOats and torped0es may
be Of value to fishermen In locating
schools Of fish after the war;
News Item.)
Scene-Any bay.
First Fisherman-Heave the an
Choir and let's see if we HEAR any
fish around this spot.
Pal--Okay. There she goes!
First Fisherman-Got the fish de-
tector all set?
Second Fisherman - Which one,
the small one or the big one?
First Fisherman-Try the little
detector first. Wires all set? Okay?
Drop the receiver overheard, and
put on your ear set.
Second Fisherman-Tm not very
familiar with these gadgets. I al
ways trusted to luck, not the radio
engineers. It's gonna seem funny
fishing by phone. Say, how does a
fish sound?
First Fisherman-It's a sort OF
whirring noise.
Second Fisherman (excitedly)-
Whoops! There's something. ! just
heard tremendous gurgling noise.
First Fisherman-That's just a
beer bottle threw overheard.
Second Fisherman-I think ! hear
fish now. They sound as if they
couldn't make up their mind. It's a
big school.
First Fisherman = What wave
length?
Second Fisherman-I thought so.
Just lotta porpoises! Let's move.
THEY m0Ue.)
First Fisherman-Tm beginning
to wonder whether the fishing is
poor or whether it's your hearing.
Second Fisherman-We must have
used the wrong bait.
1 First Fisherman-We are using
the wrong amplifiers.
The all time understatement:
Marshal Goering looking up at the
sky from Berlin and saying, SIT looks
i r..