davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
MP's More Gentle
i'm Present War

only if they chewed nails instead
of tobacco and could stick pins
in themselves without feeling
pain.
l do not recall that they car
ried clubs. They knocked you
down with their index fingers.
I go back in memory to a
member of the provost guard
who must have been a physical
weakling because instead of us
ing his finger. he had a trick
of suddenly unbuckling his car
fridge belt loaded with two
rows of those old Krag-Jorgen-
sen shells and betting you over
the pimple with it.
If my readers occasionally
notice signs of dizziness in this
column. they can attribute 1t
TO that belt.
A MOTHER prohibition of the
"A radio censor l mention, is
army food. No jests about that
are permitted. His theory is that
the food served this army is well
nigh perfect and should not be
made the subject of humor. Not
even the army coffee may be
spoken of save in laudatory
terms. the radio censor holding
that the coffee is very good,
indeed.
am not in a position to de-
bate this though l must say the
contention does not exactly jibe
with some of the letters have
received from soldiers.
However, I suppose the army
coffee is good and bad in about
the same proportion as il used
TO be in civilian life when we
had enough coffee to enable us
to pass on the point of merit.
Copyright, 1919. by King Features
Distributed by international News Service
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
BY WestbrOOk Pegler

as the old dugouts talk about
so he gave the soldier a decisive
brushoff. so they sat on, side by
side but socially apart.
TIME after time the old guy
l. eased himself down off his
perch and squared away to-
ward that box with a gleam Of
anticipation and JOY in his eye
but always some crazy dame or
some lieutenant would be there
first.
When you drop a quarter in
the big slot YOU get five records
in a row and they run about ID
minutes.
Sometimes. when a new num-
Der was about TO start, he would
lift his head hopefully with his
little fore and aft cap several
degrees out OF line, shut his eyes
and wait.
Then, after the first few bars
Of the racket, he would droop
visibly and order another beer.
II was beginning 10 be late
and he was beginning TO be
desperate
They close al midnight and
the walters and the bartenders
were passing the word 10 the
customers 10 order up before
the deadline.
The oldtimer got down. looked
around swimmingly and set
course for a table for six.
EEXCUSE me-" he began, "for
~ butting in but I am a little
tight and probably I am a pest
but I was at Chateau hierry
and l can pull up my pants and
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
by Damon RunyOn

battle areas they serve as traf-
fic cops to keep things moving.
II is only fair TO say that they
are extremely valuable at all
times and in this war they are
picked men. specially trained for
their service.
I AM glad TO learn from the
l. radio censor that they are
now more cultured in the per-
Torrance of their functions be-
cause in the old days they were
sometimes inclined TO be trif1e
testy in their dealings with the
military hoi polloi, particularly
those who might have formed
such attachment for bar that
they hated to leave il.
In one case of this nature, I
recall seeing an NJ. p. pluck a
hero away from bar with such
impetuousness that the bar came
up by the roots with the clinging
hero and the M. P. logged both
off TO the guardhouse.
The NJ. P.'s of those days were
stout fellows who rather enjoyed
practicing fungo hitting with
their clubs against skulls. They
did not seem TO be fistic fans
because any time they caught a
couple of the lads up an alley
putting on an exhibition of the
manly art of busting beezers,
they invariably cut themselves
in with their bats.
In those days, anything you
might say about the NJ. P.'s was
considered appropriate as long
as it was a knock.
THE NJ. P's, as such. came into
Il the American army in World
War /. Before that the same
kind of guys were called the
provost guard and it is my i'm
preston that they were selected
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04

House of Representatives only
seven are women. The great
fault of congresswomen is they
spend their time representing
women rather than representing
both men and women in their
districts.
That is. the ladies devote too
much time TO legislation that is
favorable 10 women and matters
concerning the female sex,
That's why men hesitate TO
vote for woman for Congress.
CPORTSCRIBE refers to Jack
~ Barry as having been a men,
Der of the Philadelphia Ath-
letics' famous 81, 100000 infield."
That 81, 100000" reference is
strictly a 1943 angle.
The Philadelphia Athletics in
field of McInnis, Collins, Barry
and Baker was known in its
heyday as the 100000 infield."
A friend of mine has a daugh-
ter named Mojave.
The young lady came into the
world a little before she was
expected and IL so happened she
was born under the stars out in
the open of the Mojave Desert.
incidentally, a New York taxi
driver said TO me recently in a
burst of confidence:
"No wonder am taxi
driver. I was born in a taxicab.
And on Times Square at that"
THE Japs consider the human
l. ity of Americans and their
tendency TO abide by the rules
Of human warfare a weakness.
The willy Nipponese intended
to take advantage of this Amer
lean characteristic.
Hence the emphasis from
Toxic as to bombing "non-mili-
tary objects"
Many of the Jap military OBJ
jects will be disguised as nom
military objects.
What appears from the air to
be school with children play
ing in the yard will be a war
plant.
Other war plants will be dis
guised as hospitals, residential
districts, etc.
Copyright. 1913. by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
GOlhs Had Right Idea
Boer Glad Michigan
Finds Use for Silver
BY ARTHUR BUGS" BAER

read that they using s2OOOOOOO worth of silver for
electric wires in Michigan
lhe government can't spare any copper these days But
1t has enough silver fat hog and more than enough
gold to mt the Grand Canyon up for a vanity case.
There is nothing elementary about copper being
more valuable than silver. When the Goths the
sohered Rome their was Iron will conquer gold"
And they were correct a second guess.
Today we have turned back the clock and scratching
Tor basic metals Silver and gold have meaning than
grace note in a for help.
Flagpoe Kelly knew something when he asked the
desk clerk for outside telegraph poles That's where
the money is today.
Copyright ny Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04

Platter and praise
Commend, srtol their groces
Say they have Angels faces.
That man that hath a tongue,
! sag, is no man,
II NTH his tongue he cannot
tUiH n tOOmun.
Shakespeare.
4 RMY nurses can be married
"A but navy nurses must be
single.
That's too bad AS 10 the navy
nurses because indications are
that married women make the
better nurses.
Britains Sir William Bever-
idge is a student of women.
He once compiled and had
published an an I h ogy OF
thoughts of women.
1.-THE ideal wife," says Sir
William, SHOULD be intelligent
without being intellectual, keen
without being earnest, silent
without being stupid"
If Sir Williams definition OF
an ideal wife isn't actually wet
it certainly is a little damp.
An ideal wife, in this de-
partment's opinion, is one who
is healthy. intelligent, cooper
ative, loyal and is sympa-
thetic person with sense Of hui
NOR who is both a good listener
and a good conversationalist.
KENTUCKY Senator Happy"
IA Chandler calls his wife
"Sweetie Pie"
According TO a recent check
among representative groups
the most popular salutations for
wives by American husbands are
in order named: Darling. Baby,
Honey, Sweetheart, Precious
and Dearest.
Col. Edward Griffith was a
regular customer of Libby's
Restaurant in New York City
for Is years.
If this isn't the record for
restaurant customer loyalty
what is?
Writes a flaming tressed
Pittsburgher;
"You should know women
with red hair object TO being
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
Better Health

A SPELL of fainting would be
"a regarded a good deal more
seriously now than il would
have been a century ago-at
least if we can trust the novels
of Sir Walter Scott and other
fictionists.
In those days ladies tainted
when anybody made an indecent
Or a decent-proposal 10 them,
when they had bad news from
the front. when they were laced
too tightly or when a gentleman
used big, big D. in their
presence.
The ladies are tougher now.
CTILL, fainting seldom indi-
~ Gates any very serious dis
ease.
In every case il is due, I be-
lievc. TO a withdrawal of CIR
culation from the brain
The blood vessels of the brain
are constantly changing their
caliber and under nervous stress
they may 60 into spasms so that
no blood is able 10 circulate
through them and reach the
brain structure.
Thus any emotion in a sus-
ceptible subject can produce a
brain without blood
II takes somewhat severe
emotion 10 produce IL in a mod
ern. unlike Sir Walters young
ladies.
Fear is an emotion strong
enough 10 cause fdinting; pain,
any unusual exertion. or fatigue
will deprive the brain of blood.
DURING the time when was
~ a life insurance examiner,
/ had two experiences which
have confirmed my belief that
falnting is due to withdrawal of
blood from the brain.
The first occurred when was
examining a healthy young APP
plicant who was standing at my
side while l counted his pulse.
My fingers were on his wrist
and my eyes were on the watch,
so / could not see his face.
/ had counted about half A
minute when the pulse suddenly
stopped
III had been A large, rapid,
bounding pulse.
The transition was so sudden
that l thought the artery had
rolled from under my finger.
But Just then I felt a tug
from the young mans arm and
/ looked UP just in time to see
that he was deadly pale. and
had TO put him down on the
floor where he quickly revived.
THE second experience was
Il similar except that was
taking the blood pressure.
Again the subject was a per-
fectly healthy, robust man.
He was seated at the side OF
the table with blood pressure
cuff in place.
Again my eyes were occupied
by looking at the blood pressure
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
Things | NeUer Knet0
and Still Don't

npersonsting a Congressman, ehg)
UINHAT in a tiny town called
l. Matagorda, Tex. (pop. about
7O0) all activity and business
stops for five minutes at IL
a. IN. every day-when they pray
for the end of the war.
That the mayor of Ashland.
O., has designated every Thurs
day flor the "durationing") as
Beetles Day" 1t is unlawful
there to complain, or grumble or
beef on Thursdays.
That in Australia they are
now rationing adjectives. Adj
vertising copy there must not
use wordsge like glamorous,
exciting. exclusive and lovely.
That there is allegedly a law
In Arkansas which permits a
married man TO whip his wife
once a month.
That manufacturers are eX-
perimenting with undergarments
(for milady) made of paper.
Whether you know that plane
propellers get tired the same
AS you. After about 5000 flight
hours they get what is called
metal fatigue" (Read Winchell
and become a Quiz KIDD
THAT at least nine out OF 10
Il Americans do not know
what the three-word slogan on
all u. S. war bonds is. dts
America on Guard" and amt
you ashamed?)
That Wilfred Funk, the word
authority, says the saddest
word in any language Is for
gotten the most beautiful Is
love" and the coolest is no"
How many of you know that
Chris Columbus had wife and
that her name was Felipa Mo-
niz de Perestrillo? A Portugal
who wed him Is years before he
Hnerried America.
That Montgomery's Eighth
army includes Nepalese, Poles,
Greeks. Frenchmen. Arabs. Aus
tralians. English and South AZ
rican Dutch.
That an example of super-act-
Ing was the way Duse could
actually blush-on cue!
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
Connolly Answers

la Wales; tb) Irish Free
State; (c) Japan.
Pa amnesia. (b) caduceus:
tc) Althing.
3--ta) 1888; (b) Lexington,
Mass: (c) Tories.
IA Michigan; (b) New
Hampshire; (c) Maine.
5-(a) Pyrennes; (b) west; (c)
Prussia.
6-ta) Delaware; (b) Florida;
(c) Wisconsin.
Copyright, 1913. by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
Quick Answers

ANDREW jackson.
2-Gen. George s. Patton Jr.
3-"Boxing the compass"
4-In order. Irving Berlin and
Vincent Youmans.
5-Twenty dollars.
6 -"grow up with the country"
THE Washington Monument,
sos feet.
Copyright, 1919, ny KRIS FEATURES
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
QUESTIONS, ANSWERS

B. o.: Is spastic paralysis
hereditary? Does it result from
any sort of injection the doctor
gives a woman during child
birth pains? If not. what
causes spastic paralysis?
Answer: Spastic paralysis is
not due 10 anything that the
doctor does 10 the mother.
1t is probably due to an
hemorrhage in the brain. which
occurs during childbirth but
never has been known TO be the
doctors fault.
A. B.: A certain boy and I
have been contemplating mar
riage but have hesitated due TO
the fact that in tracing our an
cestry we find that his father
and my grandfather were
cousins.
Do you think that this factor
will have too much bearing on
our offspring?
Answer: No, you have men,
toned a fear which comes UP
all the time in different cases.
But. as matter of fact, the
offspring of even first COUSINS
are usually very brilliant and
vigorous.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
by Dir. Logan Clendening
Painting
Spell

apparatus, so I did not see the
condition of the applicant.
What / did notice, however,
was that the systolic blood pres
sure could not be found.
The mercury column went
down and down, almost to zero.
when my observations were in
terrupted by the patient top
ping over on the desk.
Again, he revived promptly.
HERE we have two natural
II experiments. showing in
the one case that the pulse en-
tirelY stops at the moment of
fainting and in the second case
that the blood pressure falls to
a level so low that il means no
blood can be pumped TO the
brain.
Although SO per cent of cases
in people under 80 are not seri-
Gus, there are a few conditions
which cause fainting and are
serious.
One OF these is form of
heart trouble called heart block
in which the heart becomes very
sloW-so slow that there are
moments when there is no blood
in the brain. SO fainting results.
HARDENING of the arteries
II in the brain also will lead
10 falnting attacks.
Onlookers and worried rela-
tives observing a person who has
tainted should remember that
very frequently at the end of a
faint there is a slight. gener-
allied convulsion: also that il is
a regular thing for breathing to
stop entirely during a period of
fainting.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04

WHETHER you've heard the
w one about the Jap warship
that intercepted and destroyed
five American torpedoes.
That the sky isn't blue al all.
Explorers of the stratosphere
report that it really is deep
purple
At Chinese funerals the guests
are given kerchiefs TO weep into.
That a clock which throws its
shadow on the ceiling has been
invented for hospital patients.
That Whistler. the ia m d
painter. tied his forelock with
a white wibbon (tee, heel.
That there are orange. cream
colored, pink and yellow bananas
that taste like peaches, apples.
pears and roses.
That radio short-waves may
be used for cooking food on ice.
That you can live on ordinary
grass. which contains all the
vitamins you need.
You cannot hide your strong
emotions from your fingers.
which get cold when you're in
a dither.
Copyright by Daily Mirror. Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
On the Side
-By T.. v. DurIing

Distributed by King Features syns., Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04

Platter EN-:
Shakespeare
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-05-04
Quiz Kid Aid
by Walter

THAT a recent scientific study
disclosed that women talk
about men. clothes, social az
fairs. Men talk about business,
recreation, women.
That critic George Jean
Nathan says companionship is
a matter of mutual weaknesses.
Why people over here squawk
about two meatless days a week
Tin New York, anyhow when
Switzerland, which is not at war,
has three
That we have had only one
left-handed president (Gartield).
That Emily Post, the etiquette
authority, says ii is all right for
a woman war worker to thumb
a ride 10 work from a gentleman
motorist, if she displays her
Identification tag. if the motor
list is driving past the plant and
II the conversation is hnper-
sonal. Hey, Emily!
They're not going 10 a tea
party-it's a INT party {.
Nov, no copy-catting, Mr..
LevantD
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-10-30
DOCTORS WARN
c0NSTIPATED FOLKS
ABOUT LAZY LIVER

Constipation Is often accompanied by
many iscomforts--headaehe lack OF
energy and mental dizziness being but
a few. And here's good advicel
For years a noted Ohio Doctor. DR..
y. NJ. Edwards, successfully relieved
scores OF patients from constipation
with his famous DR.. EDWARDS Olive
Tablets--now sold by druggists from
coast TO coast.
Olive Tablets, being purely vegetable,
are wonderful They not only gently
yet thoroughly cleanse the bowels but
ALSO stir up liver bile fiov. Test
their goodness TONIGHT 70 feel "tip-
top" In the morning. i5s, 3of. co.,
Follow label directions
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-10-30
GOOD ROUTINE

My own routine is fairly good
although perhaps little slower
than those correspondents WHO.
can sit down few hours after de-
Gliding on a story, bang il out on a
typewriter just once and put II on
the wires that afternoon.
Starting say with a two or
three-day intensive interchangeable
ering trip 10 some air stations, you
come home at night pretty tired,
your head buZzing with half
hundred stories. take a hot bath,
talk over with your associate what
each one is going 10 write about,
have dinner and then you're ready
to hit the hay. 1t is the next day
that my efforts vary from those
such as Bob Considine, who either
stays at home or goes TO the office
and types out two or three stories
/ collar an efficient secretary
who can take dictation and then
prattle on for an hour or more.
Sometimes a luncheon appoint
ment breaks il up. and some
times we just have a sandwich
and snack and go on working
This may take several hours but
allowance has to be made for the
lady in question taking her notes
and tipping them out.
KEPT BUSY EDITING
IF am pressed for copy / try
TO corner some one else and do
some more dictation with, her.
About the time I'm through with
that, the first typed job comes in
and then / sit down to edit il.
Maybe some day the editing
process will be reduced 10 mini
mum but for the present it re-
quires a good bit of changing on
my part, crossing out and filling
in. Sometimes the first part of
the story is in shape that night.
Other times il takes all the next
day and even third day before
II is on the wire.
WOULDN'T GET COLOR
But / wouldn't then be able to
set down the stories behind the
stories, my mental reactions, or
get in as much color as the SUBJ
ject is entitled 10.
At any rate. that done there is
a great sense Of relief and your
social life picks up little.
Flying friends pop in. They've
Just done a job OF bombing the
blazes out of some place and want
10 get il off their minds. They're
generally on 4S-hour leave, which
is the most any ever get
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-10-30

All money sert a. sender risk. Do not
fend cash or stamps AL checks. drafts
I'd money orders should be- made payable
20 THE TIMES PUBLISHING COMPANY.
International News Service mas the eN-
elusive nights 80 I'VE Tor reproduction IN
any form al news disru'ches credited 20
~ or not otherwise credited In this paper.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-10-30
BY WILLIAM RANDOLPH
HEARST, JUNIOR

Pubisshar, New York Jourpai-Amsstesn
LONDON, Sept. S0-Ths West
End OF London is headquarters for
our army and navy.
Housing conditions here are as
bad as Washington ever was.
Everybody is trying 10 i've as near
his Job as possible. Also is the
fact this always has been a nice
part OF town in which TO live.
Consequently, you cannot walk
in the blackout or step into hotel
lobby or restaurant without run
ming into some one you know. III
AT first YOU find yourself on two
wheels and shortly thereafter IN a
spin because you just can't keep
up with everybody, this period
only lasts a short time because
everybody reaches that conclusion
right away.
The only danger in this early
period is that you might drink
yourself 10 death. Escaping this
not TOO awful way Of passing out
OF the picture, you gradually get
around 10 living a more normal
and sensible life.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-10-30
London Suffers
Jam in Housing
Because of War
W. R. Hearst, Junior

EDITORS NOTE - Here
/, ths ascend Of three articles
on Life IN Martins London.
The Nome nugget., 1943-11-22

Tell them you saw it adver- tised in The Nugget.
The Nome nugget., 1943-11-22

men beg for a chance to cover orld War 1.-the toughest news
The Nome nugget., 1943-11-22
PAGE THREE
AWARDS PRESENTED BY GENERAL BUCKNER

< HEADQUARTERS. ALASKAN DEPARTMENT - Award of the Legion of Merit to Major Leo w. Bagley of Bremerton, Wash, who helped plan the Attu operation, was announced recently by It. Gen. Simon Bolivar Bucknes, Jr AID headquarters.
 As staff censor, Major Bag ley was unusually successful in the establishment of the first military censorship organization of this command" his citation said. "On June 4, 1042, Major Bagley was named assistant A. C. of S., G-2, and became photo interpreter. In this capacity he made a personal reconnaissance and terrain study of the Pribilof Islands prior to the establish ment of garrisons there.
 On the basis of outstanding performances of the above duties he was placed in the joint staff which planned the Attu operation and later became intelligence of ficer of an amphibious training force staff, where his enthusiasm and superior work habits, togeth- CT with his knowledge of Japan csc combat methods and Alaskan terrain proved invaluable in making possible precision land ings on beaches which had been regarded as impossible by the enemy"
The Nome nugget., 1943-11-22

The following Is contained in letter received by Carl J. Lo- men from Major D. L. McKe Keand of the Wepartment of the Inter for of Canada, written while he was on the Eastern Arctic Pa trol, and mailed from Post h. let, Northwest Territory, Cana da, September 29, l943.
 You will be interested in learning that at long last we have a supply of reindeer skins on board for distribution in the Eastern Arctic. An experimental shipment was made from Aklavik thsi summer and we found il at Churchill on our arrival. So we can say with Kipling. East is east and West west" but disagree that never the twain shall meet" And so the reindeer skins are now being distributed among the Eskimos of Candada from West to East and the vision of