davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
Back Talk From the 3Ofh
Yonks Of 1918 Soft?
One Rises to Object
By ARTHUR BUGS" BAER

Dear Bugs:
"As veteran Of 917-18 skirmshes that led to the
present United conflict feel humatgated
and fIabberaxed claim that vets were all vet
"My outfit from Blunderbus County, Tennessee, my
company lived both banks of Rough Creek and I'm the
only went Niagara Falls on sepiadder
Bring toughest northern sergeant and our outht
him for sandbag We were camped 80 miles from
the Goth New Division, and each day battled each
other for setting exercises.
"When we landed in France exchanged our Spring
fields 75s and every handed Browning
for side arms Ypres the ferries doce had
to the 9th for sparrng partners.
"The SOth 9th Divisions went into the Argonne with
British barrage falling between them to keep them apart
customary for cooks to proceed to the objec
supper ready for heroes when captured
the places.
"Our engineers tired Of walking prisoners back to
bupens that they finally strung barbed wire around Ger
headquarters.
After the war IT was the SOth had captured
half of the 9th and vice versa. NNgN. Al'tt
$50 exchanged prisoners but kept the house dice.
81 wonder why Uncle Sam went to the trouble Of training
army when ne could call up the old S0th and 9th.
Seriously you have a right to boast about tough
Their fathers tough.
ROBERT SPENCE,
"Farmngdale, N. Y.'
eopynsht, isD
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
On the Side

Hold up thy head,
Hold up thy chm,
Thy chest out
And thy stomach In.
Graham.
above is the celebrated How
to Walk" advice given by an
eminent Quaker of the yester-
year. II not satisfied with man.
ner in which your wife walks,
paste the above on her dressing
table.-EVD.)
A JURY OF IL men and one
IA woman found a self-con-
fessed killer of her lover mot
guilty"
Juries composed Of a majority
of males are somewhat inclined
to be easy on feminine defend
ants.
Some experts say this is be-
cause men jurors permit their
male protective instinct TO help
a woman in distress to cloud
their judgment.
THE Japs unquestionably In
l. dulge in considerable bar
barrie warfare.
But they are not alone.
II should not be forgotten
that in 1887 in his book, Flying
Over Ethiopia, Vittorio Musso-
lini. in describing a bomber
attack on group of Philippians,
I'VE arrived upon them un-
observed and Inn m d lately
dropped our explosives.
Zone group Of horsemen gave
me the impression Of budding
rose unfolding As the bomb fell
in their midst and blew them
up.
ct was exceptionally good
fun"
AS to Hollywood divorce set
Element records:
All-time low was $500 settle
ment Constance Worth received
from George Brent.
The high was $3.50, 900 the
first Mrs. Douglas Fairbanks
received from Douglas Fair
banks Sr.
WHAT Is the most nerve
w wracking Of feminine occu.
pations
I always have believed It was
that Of telephone switchboard
operator.
However, research reveals the
most neurotics are found among
schoolteachers.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
Better Health

V SUPPOSE" said my old
L friend, DIR. Adrian Gibbs,
while we were waiting in line
for our c cards, "that as a nu-
tritionist you sometimes wonder
which OF the Great Brains is do
ing what about the nutrition of
the American people"
"Oh." 1 said, 81 don't know.
don't pay 80 very much atten-
ton. Why:"
"Let me tell you" said DR..
Adrian Gibbs confidentially, "the
ruling members OF the Deciding
Board, consisting of Simple 81
mon. Mortimer Snerd, Charlie
-~McCarthy and Old Father VIII
liam, got together the other day
and they Matched a masterpiece.
They decided that the farm
ers OF this country were not go
ing to be allowed to grow the
following articles: cucumbers,
asparagus, caulifiower, celery,
mushrooms, cantaloupe a n d
watermelon.
"TF A farmer, relying on the
Il Bill of Rights, so much as
raises his little finger or the
head of a stalk of asparagus, his
gasoline rationing card for car
rying his produce TO market Is
going 10 be cut off.
cit was probably Mortimer
Sperd who decided not TO have
mushrooms
.Since- xe-aFe geiag -te-ha
meatless days, and mushrooms
are the one vegetable that most
resemble meat and also one Of
the easiest to cultivate. MOrti-
mer would naturally take a pick
on mushrooms.
81 pick Charlie for the one
who decided to cut down on
cantaloupe.
Charlie probably has decided
that he is too popular in Colo
RADIO.
Here q crop OF about $4,000
600 worth of cantaloupes Is
grown each year and cutting
that off will fix IL 80 the farmers
will he in a splendid condition to
buy war bonds and also IL will
deprive the people of the United
States of n good deal of vitamins
A, Il and c, which they will now
have to get at the drug stores.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
BY d. II. McEvOy:
This lis War. Indeed

trained. They knew their place
and they didn't presume. They
knew they were supposed 10
line up along the street as we
marched by on the way to-see
the above paragraph-and blow
kisses to US Sd wave handker-
chiefs at us.
WHATS all over now. We've
l. let the women into our club.
Maybe you thought when they
started cluttering the barber
shops and the bar-rooms that
that would be the end of it. but
that was only the beginning.
From now on they'll be in the
parades and we men will stand
on the sidelines and throw flow
ers and kisses, and then 90 home
and change the baby.
From here on when you 60 TO
war, you will take the missus.
The shape Of things to come will
wear a girdle.
HISTORY tells us that the
III gladiators really didn't get
bloodthirsty until they started
putting vestal virgins in the
stands and every one knows II is
the shrill whoops Of the females
around the football field that en-
courage the boys to slug and
gouge.
Now we are letting the gals
60 TO war! One of them shoots
800 Nazis and gets invited TO the
White House. goes on the radio
and probably has already sold
her diary TO the movies-title--
II Shoot as I Pleasew
But, born optimist that I am,
I see a bright side. Women may
succeed in stopping wars by join
ing them. If this sort of thing
keeps up, men will get so dis
gusted that they'll quit and stay
home and I doubt very much IL
women would march off to
spend their time with just a lot
of other women. ~
Distributed by McNaught Syndicate. Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
No Jimmy Collins
I'm Hall of Fame?
TIVE latter hit 300 or better

TIVE latter hit 300 or better
across six seasons in the
big league. He was the top
home run hitter in the days of
the dead ball when a dozen
homers per season was sensa-
tional.
He was a crack base runner.
He managed two pennant win
ners and one world champion
ship team But since I am talk
ing of him as third baseman. I
will confine myself to his record
as such.
His footwork around the bag
was fiawless. He moved with
that apparently effortless ease
characteristic Of such infielders
as Lajoie and Gehringer and
Gordon that made difficult plays
seem soft. Devlin had the same
style. Heinie Groh, Bill Bradley,
Joe Dugan and other great third
basemen played the bag with
more buster than Collins and
performed their plays In a man
ner to draw more cheers, but
they did not have Jimmy's
deadly efficiency.
He could go back on a fiy
ball in a way that made him
practically an additional left
fielder. He jumped the National
League to make possible the
American League and he was
the fielding champion of both
outfits, and his omission from
that Hall of Fame leaves il like
a cast Of Uncle Toms Cabin
without a Little Eva.
copyright, 1913, by King Features
Distributed by International News Service
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03

ship down with injuries to none
but himself.
President Vargas attractive
daughter >. During the revolu-
ton in the early 30s she grabbed
a pistol and dared them to harm
him.
HMATTE." the favorite drink
Ih like strong iced-tea. A
mental stimulant Every
one drinks it several times daily
-. Or the midnight black cof-
fee sans sugar or cream.
The way they serve oranges,
delicious. Iced and peeled Tex
cept for base 10 keep IL from
rolling)-with knife and fork :. j.
The pineapple is the sweetest Of
all.
The countless banana planta-
tons. with the fruit still un-
plucked No transportation
for il.
The navy doctors who caution
against drinking any water
even filtered Malaria risk.
The meat which isn't aged or
refrigerated. Killed that morn
ing and eaten before s that eve
ming. The law =. What isn't
sold must be given to the poor.
The insane asylum on the
corner of a Rio main street.
Where 800 Communists once
billeted during the revolution.
The political prisoners, some OF
whom were seeR freed and liz
herited government jobs"
A AMBASSADOR JEFFERSON
"A CAFFREY a diplomat
who has served our country with
distinction for over 30 years Z.
Looks like Noel Coward wrote
him But he is grand guy
D.. Az his reSidence-the rule
is: Only one Scotch and soda
.. Charming wife.
Commander G. II. X. Miller
and his family (the acting naval
attache. Rio) with whom / had
Yuletide dinner.
Captain Clinton +. Brains.
Most popular officer Of all.
The New York chlorine named
Gloria Whitney treal name
Marie Warren) in distress.
-"Surr1e jerk In taking down
my history made a mistake and
put my divorced husbands name
where my fathers should have
been. Now I can't get married
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
The Brighter Side

base play in his day, which was
upwards of 40 years back, and
no third baseman since has
made any improvement on his
style of playing what the boys
used to call the ''hot corner"
He made monkeys of the great
Baltimore Orioles, McGraw,
Jennings and Keller, who were
killing the opposition with a
bunting attack, by breaking up
their offensive with his fielding.
When I was a baseball writer,
the only argument among the
old-timers on third basemen was
as to whether Arthur Devlin or
Collins waS the greatest and
most Of the veterans said Col
Inns. I never saw Collins at his
best, but have seen them all
since Devlin, and I know that
IL any man could have been
rated better than Devlin he
must have been a veritable won
der.
The only third baseman I ever
saw that I would mention in the
same breath with the great
Arthur was Buck Weaver of the
so-called Black Sox. If he lacked
anything in comparison with
Devlin, 1t was the superb grace
of the latter and In this depart
ment the old guys claim Collins
outshone Devlin, though I do not
see how that was possible.
Rolfe of the Yankees is the
only modern third baseman I
have seen who might belong
with Devlin and Weaver and,
consequently, Collins.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03


IL Collins name was in base
balls hall of fame, offhand I
would have said certainly" I
am not familiar with the roster
of this curious institution, but I
could not have conceived of the
omission Of the mighty Jimmy
from a list of those supposed to
be immortals of the national
game.
was -the-greatest- third
baseman in the history of base
ball, by living testimony and on
the record. Baseballs Hall of
Fame, set up at Cooperstown. N.
Y, where somewhat dubious
tradition has the game origi-
mating, is supposed to preserve
the fame of basebalPs greatest,
but the names are voted in by
baseball authorities, some of
whom could not possibly have
known or appreciated the PROV
ess of many old-time players, as
is shown by Collins case.
Igather from a letter from Bob
Stedler, famous veteran sports
writer of Buffalo, which is
Jimmy Collins home, that on
the first ballot for the Hall of
Fame, Jim missed out by three
votes and in later polls, while
drawing substantial votes, was
always few shy of the require
ment and how that could be is
something that passes my COM
prehension.
COLLINS, Who is now 20. and
~ a quiet citizen of his old
home town, revolutionized third
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
How to Walk
Advice Given

"H0w TO turn down a Gus
toners request for a date with
out offending him"
CEEMS natural that Clark
~ Gable should become a
gunner.
Clark's hobby before entering
the service was skeet shooting,
at which sport he was Of almost
championship caliber.
Many stage and screen stars
have become famous because of
symmetry of their limbs.
Others achieved much notice
because Of their beautiful eyes.
Ann Pennington, however, is
the only actress to become
famous because Of the beauty
Of her knees.
It was in the Ziegfeld Follies
of 1913 that Ann was billed as
THE Girl With the Dirnpled
Knees" How right E. w. Howe
was when he observed:
women are able to say the
most pleasing things to men and
the most exasperating."
A California divorce II years
of age has been married six
times.
All of her ex-husbands are
living.
The six recently entertained
her at a luncheon.
Now the young woman wants
TO marry one of her former
mates again but can't decide
whether she loves her second or
her fourth husband the most.
1T WAS six years ago that a
L Canadian car equipped with
a new type of carburetor went
POT miles on one imperial
gallon of gasoline.
An Imperial gallon Is equal
to about one and one-fifth of
an ordinary gallon.
The test trip in 1886 was be-
tween Winnipeg and Vancouver.
A car equipped with the regu-
lar type carburetor made the
trip of 1879 miles on 1O6h
imperial gallons while the bus
with the new type travelled the
same distance on 141s imperial
gallons.
Putting aside the benefit this
type of carburetor would be to
the average motorist / often
have thought how marvellous il
would be for war planes and
other military vehicles.
Maybe they are using IL.
Copyright. 1a4a. by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03

put on a snappy new uniform
and march off 10 another coun-
try where the girls would make
a big fuss over us.
Time was. and not so long
ago. that we could bring the
girls back with US. too. They
were called booty, I believe, but
whatever they were called, they
were all right.
Yes, we had our women well
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
by DIR. Logan CIendening
DIR. Gibbs
Caustic
GOLD FATHER WILLIAM,

GOLD FATHER WILLIAM,
" standing on his head, and
Simple Simon, looking at the
stars, decided against cauli-
flower. cucmmbers and celery be-
cause they were more or less
tough.
aside from the essential ash,
mineral, calcium and iron con-
tanned In all the articles prohib-
tied by this board of geniuses,
they all contain roughage-
"Granted that they are bulky
to transport, but the bulkiness Is
the essential and valuable part
of them as fOodstuffs.
in his lectures on dietetics,
Doctor SAMSON of Santa Bar
bara, used TO devote the frst
enc to reughage.
GIN THE days OF our fore
l. fathers when concentrated
nutrition was the main dietary
thought, the family table used
to be laden with meat and po-
tatoes, bread and butter, apple
ME or pancakes and molasses.
"Somehow, In spite Of the
vitaminists, we managed to get
by.
But the family medicine
closet was full of bottles of
SIENNA.
eff the edict I mention goes
into effect, IL will take five mill
lion times the amount of Cas-
cara Sagrada that II now being
cultivated In California 10
counteract- the effect the
dietary deficiencies OF the
American peoples
QUESTIONS, ANSWERS
NJ G..-What foods are essen
tial TO strengthen the eyes?
Answer: The eyes are a part
of the body and require all the
foods that the body uses. In
other words, there are no spe-
cial foods that strengthen the
eyes.
T. P: For about five months
I have had soreness IN my
chest which will come and go.
Could this be tuberculosis OF
the bone? Would you advise an
X-ray?
Answer - tuberculosis very
seldom attacks the bones of the
chest, but it certainly would
show UP on an X-ray and l
would advise you TO have one.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
The On|ooker
-McLemOre-ing for Henry

WE MEN never know when
w we are well of. Look at
what we are doing now; look at
those WAACs, look at those
WAVES. That's enough. now
stop looking!
For countless centuries now
We have had this war racket all
20 ourselves. When We got tired
OF being pushed around at home
by our wives, we could always
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03

| A BOARD A u. S. TRANS
"A PORT PLANE. NATAL,
BRAZIL (Jan. 81: The rumors
that Admiral E. King, General
Marshall and others are due
any plane Probably bound
for Africa-only 10 hours from
here.
Admiral Jonas II. Migrants
daily exercise via one of Comdr.
Gene Tunneys gadgets. Bend
ing 500 times without a pause
Sao-Paulo. the 9th Amer
lean city >. An eye-filling
scene from the sky-the red
earth and greenery everywhere
With factories spread
farther than the orb can detect
all of them making planes.
metal things. gas masks and
other war essentials.
The law in Brazil: II you
run down or kill pedestrian
with your car, bus or truck,
and you disappear for "a hours
You can't be arrested for 1t.
The many addresses and
names of kin handed me by
husbands and sons-"Please get
word to them that you saw me
and / am we'll"
The first sound sleep in a
month--in an army tent at
Natal And the feeling of
security-the incessant roar OF
plane motors.
THE Naval Observers joyful
u message:
hoy, are you lucky! We may
! ret You ON one Of the fastest
planes. IL makes only one brief
stop 1T Trinidad--youT be- In
Miami In 20 hours"
The most beautiful plane Of
them all Carrying many
persons, including the crew of
II The upholstery is
hand-embroidered-the map of
the Americas A Anchored
Boeing And not bump!
Operated by the u. S.
~ The Natal air exec's young
wife, q registered nurse, volun-
7teering 10 accompany a lad to
New York--a pilot with
broken back Strapped 70
q cot And trying TO
smile.
"win you sign my short
nuorter bill 2"
The concern Of Captain
Briggs, the pilot, for every one
on board The New York
Negro and his bride returning
from a special mission
Circling over Port of Spain for
over an hour in the dark
because they won't let any
plane land here until daylight"
I'M MARSHALL Of the States
u introducing 5 and 10 stores
to Rio. And chain Of Ham,
burg Heavens.
Petropolis-on mountain top
"a few hours via car from Rio
Santos where Marjorie
Cage of New York. former
aviatrix, Is wed 10 a wealthy
Brazilian Bahia--where the
amphibian Is lowed TO a barge
80. Rio where only three at the
embassy know the identity of
the FBf agents.
The pea-soup fog that hides
Rios mountain peaks at the
same hour daily--and the end
less IS minutes over it--while
the pilot lof the plane from Sac
Pauio) looked for a hole" 1.
Recalled the time Dick Merrill
looked for one over Jersey for
20 minutes-and brought his
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03

THE hard-as-rock mattresses
Il -. ITO keep from perspiring
too much.
6in-rumrny is never played,
even by Americans.
Kay Getty Getty Square,
Yonkers. was named for her
kim. Married 10 Jose Gentil,
rich contractor. who wooed her
at a school near Troy, n. Y. :. +.
He was shot by his houseboy
(cleaning gum he insists.
Every radio station and news
paper repeating the toast offered
10 Brazil:
"Never Above You. Never
Beneath You. Always Beside
YOU"
And:
what do you think of our
people?"
Their hospitality and kind
ness are no surprise 90 me. You
find that out ~ n schoolbOy
studying geography. You look
st the map of Brazil and what
to You see? One great big
hearth
Copyright by Daily Shrror, Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03

Henry McLemore is on
his way overseas. For a
period of approximately two
weeks J. p. McEvoy. the
weH-known writer. will SUBJ
situts for him.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03

In one group Of TOT neurotics
there were 1872 school teachers.
In this same group there were
only two housewives.
Show this 10 your wife. mister,
so she will appreciate how lucky
she is TO have such a calm,
peaceful occupation as that of
housewife.
COPHIE TUCKER, the Last
~ Of the Red Hot Mamas," is
So years old and Is still one of
the highest salaried night club
entertainers in the land.
To settle an argument that
continually com s up, Canal
street, New Orleans, is m u C h
wider than Market street, San
Francisco.
Canal street Is 176 feet wide,
Market street 120 feet wide.
Baltimore conductorets given
their choice between skirted
uniforms or Stacks took the
skirts.
That Is probably for the best
as Baltimore girls. generally
speaking. are a little on the
plump side.
That good Maryland cooking
is probably responsible for this.
Included in the instructions
to mattresses of one Chicago
restaurant is paragra p h
headed:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
Broadway
by Walter WincheII

Trad. Mark Registered. Copyright. iSas.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
MemOs of n Trip
Out of Town

to n fiier because they claim my
papers aren't I'm order"
We took her to the American
consul. whose staff stopped work
to help.
The request OF intellectuals:
"Can't you do something back
home TO have such men az Prof.
Dewey or Msgr. Fulton j. Sheen
sent heref"
THiE American colony at Rio,
l. mainly young wives of fliers
and officers. All OF them help
ing a lot to cement goodwill.
"Why does your country allow
books to be written that lie
about our President? We do
not permit anything like that
here about your Presidentw
The big squawk was about
the book by an Amherst prof.
The many tots on the streets
who tag after you saying:
"Munney, munney, munney!
George Santos and Assise
Fguerado of the DIP" dept
of Imprensa and Propaganda
who groaned:
I'VE hear you are coming and
we are happy TO meet colleague
and what do we find? A
cap-a-tan."
The breeziest OF them all
DR.. Herbert Moses Rios Jimmy
Walker, and a newspaper pub
liSher) nicknamed m C k e y
Moses" The editorial writes
all OF them with a literary
style.
The ocean at Rio-se- hot
you have to come out of it to
cool off.
The charming housewife at
Recife, who said:
"You Americans are wonderful
people. When I was In New
York the very first day i missed
my family and my country-and
I started to cry on the street.
Soon many people tried To help
me and they treated me like a
little girl. They took me TO see
the monkeys in the park"
The same woman made us all
howl when she related how she
once had 10 pass two men in a
New York hotel lobby. She
couldn't get around them and
had to pass between them. She
wanted 10 say excuse me" but
she said. as she elbowed her way
past their abdemeHs;
Gentlemen, please squeeze
mer'
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-02-03
BY Il. ". Durling

Distributed by King Features synd.. Inc