Evening star., 1943-08-28

phone.
Henry MeLsmsrs. Not a day
passes without some girl and her
soldier. sailor or marine sweetheart
tying the knot through the facilities
of Alexander Graham Bells inven-
ton. There have been cross-country
marriages and marriages In which
the Il dos" spanned the oceans.
These electrical hookups are be-
coming so common that / hesitate
to use the telephone.
I happen to be on a party lire
and there is always the chance that
mixup In connections will get me
in trouble
Say man from the loan sharks
offlce called up and said TO me.
Don't you need little ready cash?"
AS always my answer would be, It
do"
Say. again, that just at the mo-
ment when L. gave my heartfelt,
L do" about the ready cash, the
lines got mixed and I found myself
in the middle of a telephone mar
riage. The bride would take nv
Il do" as meaning that had
accepted her as my lawful welded
wife. The clergyman would turn
around for his fee, the telephone
company would mark down 3l.55
for charges, and there I would be
with another wife on my hands.
A Terrible Prospect.
A bigamist, no less. A long stretch
In Atlanta or Leavenworth. Bad
haircuts. Social service workers
who need Frightening up themselves
trying to brighten me up. The
junior class of some junior college
peering at me as part of its field
work in sociology. Cakes with saws
and files in them. A $40 suit and a
IS bill. Rehabilitation.
No sir, am going to be mighty
careful of what ! say over the tele-
phone from now on. OF course, It
would be mighty nice to have an
other ration book in the house. but
think Ill struggle along with the
helpmate I have. Two is company.
three's crowd.
Let us look at telephone mar
riages and enumerate some of the
advantages and disadvantages.
Advantages first.
You don't have to have A best
man. That eliminates the pres
ence of the TALL vague. slightly In
ebriated guy who can never find
the ring. 1t also eliminates the
necessity OF having to give a present
to that same guy and also the
ushers. l suppose that after a tele-
phone wedding the gracious thing
10 DO would be to send a gift or.
say, a pair of cuff links, to the
telephone company.
Rids One Of Franks.
1t also rids one of the pranks al
ways played on newly married cou-
pies. You just shut the phone
booth door and 60 about your busi-
ness. without having to cut away
Just married" placards. pick the
rice out of your ears and dodge
thrown shoes. On second thought
now that shoes are rationed. It
might be kind of smart to play
catch when the shoes are thrown.
AS Tor the disadvantages, there
can be no denying that when a man
Is going through one of the most
important and sacred moments of
his life, it would be disturbing to
nave to be yanked back into reality
TO drop quarter In the pay station
Slot and hear the resounding bong
that accompanies the dropping of
TWO bits In pay phone.
Here's another disadvantage, too
There is that split second when Won
take your girls hand In yours and
hear her say, Il do"
There is look in her eyes, an
expression on her face that I am
quite sure no man on earth has ever
been quite worthy of.
Bad grammar that last sentence
yes. Bad. that's the way I feel and
SO I'll let it 60 at that.
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