Evening star., 1943-06-09
Good Listener
Is Always
Popular
Bv Dorothy Dir

y y
A darling little debutante. going
on her first date, asked me what
she should say to boy in order to
start a conversation with him. "Ask
him question" I replied. And
when he answers that, what should
say them" she inquired. "Ask
him another question" I returned.
"And when he answers that, what
should 1 do next?" ASK him an
other question" I said. And when
he answers that what should do?"
"WeI," I said, "if in three attempts
YOU can't get him to talking about
himself, shift your line of attack
and begin telling him about your
self"
OF course, how this particular
conversation tip worked out, l do
not know, but at any rate 1t was
good, long-range advice. For the
one topic that is of supreme and
never-dying interest to every hu-
man being is himself, and when
we take that for our theme song
we are dead sure to make hit
with our audience. The average
Individual is only interested in the
things that pertain to himself and
his own range of experiences, and
though one came back from the
dead and started to describe the
glories OF, heaven itself, he would
be interrupted by those who wanted
to tell about the lighting OF Radio
rr-1,p
had on their last week end.
Such being the case, and all OF
us being bottled up with perfectly
fascinating things that we would
like to spill on the general public,
1t would seem that there would be
no dearth of talk, but. strangely
enough. it does not happen that
way. Nothing is harder than to
keep a general conversation going.
There are plenty of people who are
stricken dumb in the presence OF
strangers, and others, equally un-
fortunate who, like the traditional
Irishman. never open their mouth
without putting their foot in 1t.
These men and women, for, believe
1t or not, there are even women who
become tongue-tied in public, al
ways complain that they don't know
what to say, or how to say it, yet
the whole art of becoming SPELL
binder is comprised in two simple
kindergarten rules that even mo-
ronic baby could learn in his cradle.
For, contradictory as 1t seems, the
first requisite to being renowned as
brilliant conversationalist and
having your society eagerly sought
by all and sundry. is not to be a
ta]ker, but a listener. Lend people
your ears instead of hurting your
vocal apparatus at them. Turn on
the tap of the monologuist and get
his stream of words flowing freely
and he will go about celebrating
YOU in the market place as the
most interesting and intelligent
man he ever met, though you may
have been as silent as clam on ice.
Nobody is interested in our opln-
ions, or thoughts, or prejudices. No
body wants to hear about our aches
and pains. Nobody cares whether
our baby has cut his first tooth or
has acquired a full set OF dentures
from mail order house. But we all
have the time of our lives when we
get a chance to lay down the law
how the country should be run, and
tell our symptoms and what the
doctor said and we said to the
doctor, and how We hit the stock
market in '35. It takes great
courage and self -abnegation to be on
the receiving end of conversation
instead of the sending, but great are
the rewards for those who do it
They are universally popular.
For those who bewail the fact
that they never know what to say tc
people and that they often give Of
tense without intending it by saying
the wrong thing, there is a simple
remedy that never fails. 1t is te
test out what you are going to say
before you say it, on yourself ano
see how you would like it. If il
would please and flatter you. fine
go ahead and amplify the subject
all you want to. But If it was
remark that left you feeling as Il
YOU had been stabbed in the back
without having provoked the fight
then bite your tongue of rather
than say it.
You know Just how much vol
would enjoy having woman tel
you that your old dress made pvel
so we'll, and she believed 1t wa!
better looking this year than it wa
season before last. Or that she wa!
so glad to hear that your daughter
was going to get married because
she had looked to her as If she wa!
cut out to be an old maid. Or tina
what pity it is that the baby look
so much like your husbands people
who are noted for being so homely
You know how you would feel if {
woman asked you if your frail child
who is just the heart of your heart
wasn't tubercular. Or If she tolt
you about seeing your husband ou
dancing at night club with hi
secretary. You would feel murderous
And so does she. Yet we are helpless
to deal with these COWS in the con
versational china shop because vi
never know whether they are ma
licious or just dumb.
Inasmuch as we spend a larg,
part Of our lives talking, it is a pit,
we do not give more thought Il
what we say and how we say it. TO,
our words often linger long afte.
we are dead, to heal or hurt.
Vicforv Sir,,0