Evening star., 1943-02-12
.SIeek-Huired
Rats Bother
McEvoy
He Tries Vitomins
On Groy Hair But
Still Loses the Girl
BY ]. p. McEYOY.

SAus 1VSS9 tuC WI
BY J. P. McEvOY.
Well, it seems those vitamin boys
have been at it again. and what do
you think they've come up with this
time? AS though they haven't run
out of letters already, to the point
where they have to break "B" up
into numbers. Why did they start
with letters, anyway, when they
could just AS easily have started
with numbers and your best friend
wouldn't be asking what kind Of
"B" are you getting-"l" or go?
Embarrassing you. no end, because
your social position could depend
on the answer.
Sometimes you wonder what you
Clio before you took vitamins. How
did you live? How did you get that
sunshine and that ribo- -flavin? And
those fortified shredded dog biscuits
which take the place of cod-liver
oil-or whatever it is that cures 5
o'clock shadow and dishpan hands.
Or has 5 o'clock shadow changed
| with wartime?
Questions like that will keep the
family amused for hours-now that
they have to stay home and associ-
ate with each other-and I wouldn't
be surprised if one of the boys didn't
come up with vitamin for that, too.
Dishpan hands, eh? Well all
have dishpan hands and like it
now that we can't 60 pleasure riding
and get away from each other. The
other day somebody said he well
coined the elimination of the auto
mobile because 1t would bring tho
American family together in a more
compact unit.
Emergencies always uncover dis
agreeable people who talk like that.
I contend the only things that have
kept most American families to-
gether were the things that kept
the members apart-if you know
what I mean-like Joy rides, and
the neighborhood movie, and bingo
and juke joints. Maybe the saliva
ton Of the American home will be
equipping each one with a juke box.
A small price to pay for preserving
the cornerstone of our great and
glorious Nation.
| It seems to me I've wandered. It's
these troubled times. Oh, yes. Now
I know what 1t was. Vitamins. And
that new one that they've been
trying out on rats. Turns gray
headed rats black again. But tho
story didn't say anything about
what turned them gray to begin
with. Worry? What have rats
got to worry about?
It's those loosely contrived, badly
written scientific reports that turned
my hair gray. Always leaving the
human interest out, the salient
characteristics Of the subjects. Rat
one. Rat two. As though you
could just lump rats. Every one
knows every rat is different. I
should know. Some of my best
friends are rats. But they don't
turn gray. They have black sleek
hair and they dance Like Arthur
Murray, and they're always disap-
pearing from cocktail parties with
the girls had my eye on. know
the kind of vitamin I would like to
invent for those rats.
But anyway, they amt the rats
the scientists have been trying out
these vitamins on. Vitamins that
turn gray hair black again-and
the story went on to say that it
won't be any time at all now until
you can get yitamins that will do
it for you, too, and you.
But not me. No, sir. It's taken
me all these years to get my hair
gray. The trouble I've gone through.
The worry. The kicking around
I've taken from bosses with gray
hair. Now I've got gray hair myself,
and oh, what a difference!
Young men rise when enter the
room and say, will you have a seat,
sir?' Can I bring you drink, sir?"
What do you think Of this, sir
and that, sir?" OF course, while I'm
telling them what I think, they're
disappearing with that girl-but I
didn't really care for her, anyway.
That's another thing about gray
hair. BY the time you've got it,
you're old enough to know that If It
isn't that one itl be the next one
and it really doesn't matter, anyway.
The whole thing was just nuisance
that took lot of time and gave you
a lot Of trouble and you're well rid
Of it..
No. don't think that new Vita
min that turns gray hair black again
Is going to be success. wouldn't
invest In it If were you. 1t has no
future.
| Distributed BY McNausht Syndicate, Inc)