Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1943-09-11


the Italian
main . d. II
ssasy AsIsssrs. lays down the
rules for almost everything ex.f
cept how to eat spaghetti and tbs
proper use Of the finger bowl. II
intimates that no matter how toueh,
the going gets in italy. the boys Arc
not to forget for even one minute
that they are guests Of . strange
country, and when not shooting
Italians must act like little LoeG
Fauntleroys. I'd
Let mo quote . few Of the pera4r
graphs Of Instructions. and then you
try to figure out whether Eisen-A
hover. Montgomery. Alexander o..
Emily Post Is In charge Of the IN.
vasion.
Don't be rude when restraining
the curiosity Of the inhabitants.s
Italians are naturally inquisitivs and
your arrival will be about the most
remarkable event which has hapH
pened In living memory" .1s
Now. can't you picture one Of
MontsomeryS bow legged dessytI
rats, hard-bitten and unshaven.,
tearing through an italian VILLAGE,
with . tommy gun IN one hand and,
. grenade in the other, being hailed
by local citizen and asked what he
u getting ready to dor According
to the book, he should stop and siyo
. polite, courteous answer. oG
Il am going to try to blow up thSt
building on the corner" the book
would have him say. would you
and your dear family care to CONS,
along and watch me give 1t the,
works."
'' Don't demand your drinks
IN . loud voice and don't consider
that you have the right to be served
before any civilian" M
suppose the general idea u for
an invading soldier to side IN to -
bar, sorta shylike, and stand flrst or
one foot and then the other, trying
to catch the eye Of the bartender o.
that he can whisper to him what hs.
would like to drink. His tip, a
course, should be very generous, and
before he leaves the nice thing for
him to do would be TO say, see
what the Italians In the back room
will have" r.
BE sure to see the opera In Rome
or Milan" n.
That's fine idea, but did the boys.
wire, write or telephone from Sicily,
for reservations? It wouldn't be very,
nice for the invaders to 70 to the
box ONCE just before the perform-
ance started and expect to get
! tickets. Such an act would undoubt.
edly Inconvenience some Italian
opera lover. I do hope, too, that our
Allied troops were supplied with lie
brettos before they invaded. Moth.
ing could be more heart-warminx
than to have our men leap from;
their landing barges holding their
carbines and librettos over their
heads. And, in case an unfriendly
italian drew a stiletto, our boys
could whack him over the head With
q hbretto, preferably . Wagner one,
they being very heavy. ~
Don't drive furiously through.
narrow village streets, scattering peSt
destrians and livestock in all direc.
TONS" Il
Why should the Italians be singled
out to be saved from the horrors Of
the average Allied jeep driver? You
take your life in your hands right
in this country when the boys come
roaring through. I suppose the
booklet would recommend that &c
the driver OF . tank passed . red,
light and was given q summons BY
An Italian otdcer he should 60 quiet.
ly to city hall, plead guilty, and pay
his hne. After the magnificent,
manner the Italians have behaved,
IN this war it would be 4 shame,
wouldn't 1t, to have our boys park
near fireplugs or halt their tanks Il?
spaces marked Reserved for Fascist
| OmciaL." af
can't wait to read the booklet
that must now be in preparation on
How to Behave When Germany Is
Invaded" suppose the troops will
be told to learn some German lula.
bies SO they can stay home and take
care Of the German kinders when
the German mammas and papas
will be able to 60 out and frolic tn.
the evening. 10
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