Evening star., 1943-10-28

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Pvt. McLemore. This is because
one of the notices that always oc-
cupies a prominent place on the
bulletin board is list of the names
Of the men who have been detailed
for K. P. the following day. Reading
the list ages a recruit. If he is 18
and his name is Jones, he is a good
% years old before he gets through
reading Adams, G., Brown, G., Carl
ton, Edwards, Fitch, Gosling, to dis
cover whether or not his name Is
there. If he is 80 and up and his
name is McLemore, he is 104 before
he gets through the HIS, rs, Us,
KS and LIS looking for his name on
the condemned list.
A day or so ago I found my name
on the list. Some one else found
it, too, because at 4 the next morn
ing when the sun was still asleep,
and the chill breezes were amusing
themselves by giving the pine trees
and the cyprus stumps head colds,
rude hand shook me out Of bed,
haf-yanked me to the floor. kept
pestering me until I was dressed
and my bed was made up, and then
marched me off with my fellow buck
privates to the mess hall kitchen.
They fed us hearty breakfast, but
don't give them credit for that.
They do the same thing at San
Quentin and Sing Sing. Then We
started K. Ping
A K P. Pusher.
The corporal in charge Of me-he
is known as a K. P. pusher, and his
duty is to see that the men of the
/ K. P. detail do not waste any time
in such an absurd way as breathing
must have thought that had the
makings of champion decathlon
| K. Per, because he rushed me
! from one job to another A visitor
to Blanding, who happened to catch
glimpse of me through a window,
wanted to buy the patent rights on
me, SO convinced was he that in me
he had at last found the perpetual
motion machine.
| What did I do? What do all those
who suffer K. P. do? Here, in clear,
concise, terse, Time Life Fortune
Luce-Booth and scarcely under
standable English, is the answer to
that one: I worked from 4 In the
morning until 7 in the evening, for
one thing. And, you'll admit that
even chimney sweeps of Charles
Dickens day and age had better
hours than that.
I banged trays against garbage
pans for an hour or so. Then, Just
when I was mastering this highly
specialized task, 7 was removed to
the pot washing department. An
Army pot is modelled after the
cauldrons used in the first scene of
Macbeth" only they are larger.
To clean them you have to have
the nerve and skill of human fly,
the endurance of a ranger, and be
as unafraid of dizzy heights as a
paratrooper. Let a man slip and
fall into one of these pots and he
may stay in there a week before
! he is discovered.
Fiendish Old Faithful.
From the cauldron bureau ad-
vanced to the automatic dishwasher.
An Army automatic dishwasher is
nothing but Old Faithful, the gey-
ser of Yellowstone Park, partially
imprisoned in an aluminium box.
To make 1t work you have to shove
the trays and cups and silverware
into its blistering mouth, and when
you shove your arms into its steam
ing mouth you know exactly how a
lobster feels when its number comex
up and the chef plops 1t into boil
ing water. Stay on this device about
half an hour and you're looking
around for turkish bath In which
to cool off.
II you survive this monster (even
Dante would ask for an ice cap after
10 minutes of it, you are granted
the right to recuperate by scrub
blng, sweeping, mopping, and then
scruoolng, sweeping, and mopping
again. a floor roughly the size of
Bermuda. This is supposed to be
recuperatiye measure, being as it
only involves the use of 300 muscles
the average recruit hasn't en-
ployed in 10 years.
When the floors are done Won
taper off by scrubbing more tables
than there are in 16 arithmetic
books. All this before and after each
meal, mind you. And there are three
meals day.
I hobbled back to my hut at thu
end OF the day with so many char
ley horses that I seriously consid-
cred employing a trainer, starting
stable, and racing my charley
horses at Belmont and Churchill
Downs. But before I could do any,
thing about this idea I toppled into
my bunk, fell into sleep deeper
than that ever enjoyed by a statue.
and didn't wake. up until it was
time to go look at the bulletin board
again.
And what do you think found on
that bulletin board under the head
ing Tomorrow's KIP Detail" NV
name? No. pal. No, sir. II had
we'll, would have volunteered for
branch of the service that doesn't
exist - parachuteless paratroopers
who drop from wingless gliders dur
ing tornadoes.
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