Evening star., 1943-01-07

He"' "c1e"ore' was, 10 read
write, walk, talk and shoot. Not
any more. To be any good as a
soldier now, man must have the
all-round knowledge OF an encyclo-
pedia editor, and the ability to shoot
we'll is only incidental
Just consider what the members
of our expeditionary forces must
know in order to get along in for
eign countries. In earlier wars eX-
peditionary forces were Just turned
loose on foreign land to do the
best they could with a strange Ian
guage, strange customs, strange
food and strange money.
Now, as our soldiers move across
the seas to distant soil they are is
sued books of instructions on how
to win friends and influence people
when they get there. They are pro-
vided with smattering of the Ian
guage, a complete dossier on the
| customs and behaviors of the folk
they are going to meet, and a list
OF dos and don'ts mile long.
Don't kick an Arab in the shins.
He won't like it.
Don't bum cigarette off a Mos
lem.
Always bow from the waist when
you meet head hunter.
Don't go around kicking elephants
in the pants in Siam.
Avoid calling Frenchmen Frogs"
Englishmen 'Limeys" and Italians
"Wops."
The T in Tunis is soft as is the A
in Algeria.
Farewell to B,ackboards,
In addition to this sort of thing.
the soldiers are given the facts on
the countries they visit. They are
told of the principal cities, the big
rivers, the average mean rainfall
the average mean snowfall. the chief
historical sites and the height Of
the mountain ranges. When they
come back the soldiers will know
more about the world than thev ever
could have learned in school from
tired professor in a smock coat
waving a piece of chalk and using
The blackboard as the world.
What I would like to see. what I
would like to put my violet peppers
on, is the pamphlet that the Axis
powers undoubtedly gave their SOL
dlers in view of landing on North
American shores.
What would the japanese tell their
soldiers to do and not to do on land
ing in the United States?
Well, not having seen one of the
pamphlets let's imagine one:
Don't, under any circumstances,
call San Francisco Frisco" This
Will antagonize the natives and
bring them to revolt.
Praise the Dodgers.
Praise the BROOKLYN Dodgers
whenever possible. Also the Notre
Dame football team. These two
teams have been adopted by the
American public and it will not
countenance criticism of them.
Never sit still in a movie theater
TO become part of America, to act
IKE Americans, you must keep NOV
ing from seat to scat. and do vour
pest to make your next move into a.
crowded aisle.
Always take your hat of In an
elevator that has lady passenger,
even If taking it off means punch
ing the lady in the ribs with vo,r
elbow.
When getting on crowded b,,x or
streetcar, always maintain a posi,
tlon near the front so that those
oehind you can't get on without
knocking you down.
Always take all the white meat
when the chicken is passed.
20 10 Abbott and Costello movies
even II they bore you to death.
Everyone else does, so don't be diff
ferent.
Listen to Hildegarde sing.
Master jltterbug dance step that
VIII make you a nuisance to every
one else on the floor.
Buy yourself some etchings.
10 THESE, and a hundred other
things, and you will ingratiate your
sell to the American public. You
Will be taken for an American.
'n's'Fiouted by McNaught Syndicate. Inc)