The Ely miner., 1943-10-28
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LH1hhMpc ! - 4
MIR. TWITCHELL VIEWS WITH
ALARM

pretty awful if all we get out of this
World war is a tenderloin of arti-
choke!"
AS for milkshakes, Elmer admit
ted the ones he has been getting
lately tasted pretty funny and the
drugstore clerk might be using soy
beans in them right now.
''I want a federal commission for
the Control of the Soybean," he de-
clared with feeling. They're let
ting it run wild. And I'm for less
talk about vitamins and less scien-
tific exploration into what's in vege-
tables today that nobody suspected
was there yesterday.
ooh, for the days when a man
sat down at the table and simply
ate what was put before him with
out any thought of vitamins, pro-
teins and all that! The good old
times when all he had to decide was
If the vittles tasted good!
81 used to enjoy my meals. I was
a good feeder up to about ten years
ago. / thought soybean was a
Chinese bran. Proteins were never
mentioned in my set. For all I
knew of them vitamins were some
thing in geometry. Then I began
to hear lot of talk about nutrition
values with warnings about what
certain things in a square meal
could do to me. I began to get
nervous about eating at all.
"But I managed to get along pref
ty well for a while although eating
ceased to be the fun it had been all
my life. Then came the gl0rifica-
ton of the various vitamins, with
every radio program yelling about
'em. The vitamin ballyhoo went so
lar that about four years ago found
I couldn't look dinner plate in the
face without misgivings.
eff the hostess said Won't you
have some more lamb stew, Mr..
Twitchell?' I couldn't say yes
thanks like I used to. / had to
stop and think it over, wondering if
Yale had gone into the matter of
lamb stews and turned in a verdict.
''It was the same way with every
thing. I grew cautious about liver
and onions, furtive with regard to a
New England boiled dinner and very
apprehensive about that old stand
by, ham and eggs"
Elmer was weeping. ''It's just too
bad," he sobbed, "why can't they
do something about Yale professors,
chemists in general and the soybean
and vitamins A, B and c in par
ticular?"
New York's policewomen have
just been equipped with a cowhide
bag holding a .38 caliber pistol, a
medium red lipstick and a powder
puff. We expect any day now to
hear some desperate shrek, "She
pulled lipstick on mel"
"Use your gun as you do your
ipstick," cautioned Mayor LaGuar-
dia to the policewomen. At first we
thought this highly dangerous ad-
vice. We thought it might do a lot
of damage to a lady's lips. But ii
seems the Mayor added the clause,
"use it only when you need it; don't
overdo either"
This may be hard for a police
woman to follow. What the Mayor
probably meant was, Don't blaze
away with your ipstick the minute
you get in a tough spot; try paci-
flying the offender with little rouge
and kick in the shins first"
It is reported that throughout Ger
many the people are soft pedaling
the ''Heil Hitler" to such a point
that the Nazis are rebuking them
and demanding more oomph in it.
Possibly the Germans are feeling a
terrific urge to scrap the greeting
and substitute ''In Der Fuehrer's
Face"
lima Dodo's boy-friend Stupe Nc
Gonigle says he can't get into the
war because they're only going to
take fathers.
The Nazis have 80 different ways
of expressing it when they have TAX
en- a big licking. And they will soon
be able to use them all at one time.
Said the Nazis fleeing across the
Dneiper
''It was our mistake going in deep
er."
Reaction
Fancy skaters wherever seen
Tend to drive me off my bean,
And can scream until I'm green
At fancy skating on the screen.
The Marvel
A man unique
Is Joe McGann:
He never had
A Postwar Plan!
Mayor LaGuardia of New York
has publicly taken the Consumers