Evening star., 1943-04-09

what had plan
Henry McLemore. ned to tell Mr..
Churchill in the privacy of his study.
So, if you will slip on one Of those
weird zippers suits that Mr..
Churchill wears and stick a long,
black cigar in your mouth, I'll pre-
tend you are the Prime Minister Of
England and tell you what would
have told him had he asked me
down for q week end.
There will be no real understand
ing between the United States and
Great Britain until Englishmen
abandon the habit of staring at
Americans. Churchill, Roosevelt.
Wallace, Hopkins, Eden and other
assorted satellites can continue hav-
ing conferences until Grand Rapids
Is weak from exhaustion brought on
by supplying them with tables. But,
they won't cement the ties between
the two countries until Englishmen
quit regarding Americans as they
would rare coin, an old stamp or
new species of fish or bird.
Novelty Still Exists.
The leaders Of the two countries
can sit around all sorts of tables:
conference tables, gate-leg tables,
end tables and refectory tables, but
| they won't have Englishmen and
Americans walking hand in hand
until the Englishman ceases to cape.
gawk, stare and peer at an American.
! There are thousands of Americans
in the British Isles today and they
| have been here for months but the
English can't get accustomed to
them. 1t might be a good idea to
! stuff an average American and hang
him in the British Museum or stand
him in Picadilly Circus. Perhaps in
time the Englishmen would grow
used to what We looked like and
would not peer at and through us as
if we were pair of binoculars.
What they find so interesting In
Americans I don't know. According
| to the last census We still have two
ears, one nose, one mouth. two arms,
two legs and head of hair Just like
Englishmen have.
Act Like Detectives.
The English stare is not like any
other stare 1t is colder than the
grin of fish and is all-encompass-
/ ing 1t takes in everything from
the laces of your shoes to your
widows peak. No wonder Scotland
Yard is celebrated from one end of
| the earth to the other At heart
every Englishman is a detective. I
have had them look at me so long
and earnestly that I felt they we're
| trying to determine the number Of
whorls in my thumbprints and if
had mole on my back just below
the sixth vertebra.
| This Is being written in Edinburgh
| after a three-hour ride with five
| Engllshnen in a f1rst-class train
compartment. 1t Is on a train that
| an Fnglishman reaches his peak in
staring. There must be an unwrit-
ten law over here that when on a
| train all subjects of the King must
! sit bolt upright in their seats. speak
to no one and look holes through any
! foreigner who happens to be present.
The English trains are perfect for
carrying out this rule. compart-
ment has three seats on each side
and door that once closed can
| only be opened in case of emer-
gencv and then by a guard who is
always 10 cars away.
Conversation Fails,
When travelling, an Fnglishman
takes his seat, folds his arms. starts
| putting pipe that hasn't been
| cleaned since the Battle of Hastings
and which will work only when q
mixture of ground Spaniel ears and
rubber bands is used for tobacco,
| and starts giving you the Old dou-
| BILE O. He never looks out of the
| window, coughs, gets up to stretch
| his legs or 60 for A drink of water.
After about two hours of this Was
on the verge of breaking down. It
was nothing but third degree at
| tached to steam engine, so I spoke.
It's lovely day. isn't it I said.
"A bit unusual for England this
time of year"
For the first time the five Eng
llshmen looked at one another. In
that one, brief glance they said to
one another as plainly as If they had
spoken They're all the same noisy.
| Chattery Americans. A man can't
have any peace when they're
around" Then they really started
staring at me. Boy! Was I glad to
get to Edinburgh and write this
piece.
I'm all for an understanding be-
tween Americans and Englishmen
but if they don't stop staring the
next war will be revival of the
Revolutionary War. We may be
funny folks but we're not all that
| funny.
| Distributed by McNsught Syndicate, Inc.)