Evening star., 1943-02-19
Twin-BedIum
KeepsM'Evoy
AwokeNights
He Finds His Two
Little Girls Refuse
To Sleep Alone
BY !. p. McENOY.

BY J. P. McEVOY.
Ny wife, in the inmemorial man.
ner OF all wives and young mothers,
is convinced that men know noth-
ing at all about the care and train
ing of young children. Men. Of
course, know all there is to know
about those things-they wrote the
book. But the mothers won't read
the book and the little children
can't. so what do we have in the
house? Anarchy. Madness. Twin
bedlam.
For our two little girls, 1 and 5,
have separate beds. I mean by that
they are put In separate beds so
they will sleep better. but this only
results in one Of them sleeping bet
ter than the other. And the ono
who doesn't sleep so we'll gets up
and crawls into bed with the other
sleeper, wakes her up and they talk
together all the rest Of the night
at the top OF their voices. When it's
time to get up to 60 to nursery
school they are worn and haggard
with big black circles under their
eyes, looking for all the world like
a couple of small Mischa Auers. >
One reason why we have gone on
vacation is to discuss this dispas-
sionately after at least one good
nights sleep ourselves. Besides, we
can't bear the sight OF the babies
for while-they look so dissipated.
The Scientist In Me.
Another reason for the vacation
Is to settle this business about their
eating habits. My wife claims all
little children dawdle over their
food and claim they don't havs
to do any such thing. But the chill
dren don't claim anything. They
just do what they damn please.
Some days they are still eating
breakfast when It's time to have
their nap. Other days they gulp 1t
all down like couple OF small
boa constructors. s
In my calm, dispassionate and
scientific way I have been studying
this problem, and I contend chill
dren are like little primitives, and
respond better to authority, just as
savages do, when 1t Is transferred to
some inanimate object like a totem
pole or a fetish, or . stone or .
wooden god.
I'm this case" I said to my wife,
you must transfer your authority to
something that cannot be argued
with" Like what?" she said. And
then I came up with my great idea.
THE alarm clock! 1t rings, so does
the school bell-and the school bell
spells authority. Set the alarm to
ring at the time you want the chill
dren to finish their breakfast. Tell
them the clock will warn them
when breakfast time is over, and
when the bell rings their plates
will be whisked away to the kitchen,
whether they have finished or not"
TT won't work." said my wife,
smugly.
But next morning I set the alarm
clock, anyway. The children sat
| fascinated over their breakfast,
watching the minute hand creep
around to the fatal spot. On pre-
vious mornings they at least ats
something But this morning they
were so hypnotized, waiting for this
bell to ring, they wouldn't eat any
thing. When the alarm sounded I
was ruthless. I whisked the plates
away to the kitchen. The children
whisked right after me with such
betrayed howls Of rage that the
neighbors pounced down the stairs
and started hammering on the door,
threatening us with the police.
Demands New Test.
Ny wife was grimly pleased with
this vindication. But pointed out
to her that this was not fair scien-
tif1c test. After all, the electric light
was not invented with just one ex-
pertinent. We will try 1t again to-
morrow morning.
1--WE did, and this time the result
was different. The children were
still fascinated watching the hand
move. But they also remembered
that when the bell rang their food
disappeared. So, just as the bell
started to ring they started to gulp
everything down. I tried to take
the plates away from them, but I
wasn't strong enough. They ate
everything in one minute fiat and
had such violent indigestion they
couldn't go to school that day,
either.
Il hope you're satisfied now." my
wife said. For the rather innocu-
Gus habit Of dawdling over their
food you have substituted two vi
cious habits which will probably
stay with them all their lives and
blast their future health, happiness
and the possibilities for successful
careers AS wives, mothers and weld
ers. (A You have turned them
INTO clock watchers. (B) You have
started them down the road toward
dyspepsia and stomach ulcers"
I still think I had something In
that idea.