Evening star., 1943-06-02

"ehf' "eA"ofe. d SldSS TOOL over
me to turn out more hot-house
muscles than you could shake a
stick at, If you happen to be the sort
that likes to shake a stick at hot
house muscles.
I'll never forget the day when the
Metropolitan was gracious enough to
allow me to start paying them a
high premium. 1t was a hot August
day in Jacksonville, Fla. The doctor
arrived with proper little black
bag containing his instruments and
he attached them to me with a
highly professional air. He listened
to my thighs and hips He counted
my hormones through a little silver
listener. He went out and had a
soft drink after listening to my blood
pressure. He cautioned his assist
ant to see that no ballot box was
stuffed in my favor.
Passes Test.
Late in the evening, just as the
sun cast its rays on the st. Johns
River, painting it in purple and gold,
the Metropolitan doctor announced
that the returns were in.
you have passed." he cried. you
are now a member of the great
mutual brotherhood and are at
liberty to tell time for nothing at
the Metropolitan clock in the tower
at TWenty-third street in New York
City. Make the second hand your
second home. Now if you will Just
pay us $500 for the first premium
you can go over in the corner and
die in peace"
Well, Metropolitan, If may adj
dress you so informally, I am about
to die. Not in peace. particularly,
because the enemy and it's bombers
are only few minutes away from
my residence and the sweet call Of
the siren is more familiar to me
than that of the famed nightingale
Of this lovely England.
What I think I am going to die
of is a lack of the vitamins that
come from the fresh, vivid fruits
and vegetables that your publicity
department has tried to sell us for
so long. Your advertisements In
American magazines have stressed
that to have sound bones, sound
tissues and sound eardrums citizens
must consume a certain amount Of
natures fluffy handiwork, otherwise
known as vegetables and citrus
fruits and all that junk. have had
none OF these since arriving here.
Will Refute Charts.
According to your president, MIR.
Lincoln, I should live to be 47 with
out even a tiny bit of struggle.
Well, If you DO not come to my
rescue, l am going to make your
graphs and charts look like suck
ers, and in addition cost you around
100000 for double indemnity. Not
only for my sake, but for yours, I
would like you, dear Metropolitan,
to send me the following items as
soon as possible: One crate of lem
ons. one crate of oranges, three
heads of lettuce with Russian dress
| ing, six quarts Of buttermilk, three
quarts of sweet milk, one cashmere
muff1er to guard my throat against
the English winds and a guarantee
that If don't pay my premium for
the next two months my wife will
still gain handsome dividend when
my handsome body is brought up to
your floor on the elevator.
Maybe you think all this is ridicu-
lous. I don't 1t seems to me it's
time you did something for me after
all have done for you. I have
tried to keep alive to save YOU
money. If I don't hear from you
in two weeks, shall die in pure
spite.
P. s.-Please give my wife her
insurance in semi-annual payments,
She is the type who will buy the
Brooklyn Bridge the first day and
run off with a man who sells oil
stocks. Geanie: I love you.)
distributed by McNaurht syndicste rn.A