davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
The Brighter Side
by Damon RunyOn

deed-almost as happy as when
he is able 10 say Of a woman:
"She used to be such-and-
such"
Personally, / have always
made 1T point not 10 remem-
Der for the purposes of mere
conversation anything about a
man or woman that is tingled
with unkindness, or that might
be something the person directly
concerned would not care 10 dis
cuss. l hold with the phrasing
Of the old song, il is not what
you used TO be, but what you are
today.
/ DO not place in the category
l. Of unkindness any humble
circumstance in successful
career. because il has been my
observation that most success
full persons who started from
taw are proud of that fact, I'M
les they have become snobs or
damphools, which is the same
thing. I just object to the wise
guy making conversation of one
period of bleakness in a success
full mans life with obvious in
tent to cheaper his successes.
/ think a man who has lifted
himself up by his own boot
straps is entitled 10 mention on
the basis of his immediate sta
tus, II you want 10 discuss him
AZ all, rather on the time he
was a bindle stiff. 1 suppose 1
feel the same way about the race
horses. though / have often
doubted that the horses care
what is said about them.
l have peered into the stall Of
many noble steed after a race
which left the customers calling
the critter pig. a dog. COW,
mule, and everything else in the
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Unkind Words
Not Necessary

animal kingdom except a horse,
and l have never yet found one
of them blushing in embarrass-
ment or hanging its head in
shame. / fear that the race
horse never knows when il is a
4 TO 5 shot and never realizes
that it can spread gloom over
half a state by hiding behind
other horses in a race.
NOR DO I think a race horse
~ cares how IL is graded in
life. A $1,000 claimer gets just
as much oats as a Seabiscuit
or Alsab, both of which had to
endure the humiliating appela-
ton of "explater" until they
reached the position of many
rich men Of humble beginnings
as far as the newspaper writers
are concerned. 1 mean news
paper writers would scarcely
refer to the leading banker OF
a community as an 'ex-bar-
tender" even though he had
been a bartender and that is
the way it was with Seabiscuit
and Alsab.
They won so much money
that il would have been disre-
spectful to money to speak Of
them as "ex-platers." They won
fairly close to a million between
them. 1 judge the boys who con-
tinue to refer to Marriage as
and "ex-plater" have failed TO
tot up the old steed's gross. 1t
has won upwards of $4,000
which must be pretty close to
the immunity class.
can remember that the
sports writer's stopped speak
ing of Jack Dempsey as an
"ex-hobo" when he got up into
that kind of money.
Copyright. 1913, by King Features
Distributed by International News Service
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Police Record Keeps
Man Out OF Ssabess

War Problem Clinic:
have, tried 10 join the Seabees,
but they rejected me because /
have a police record and served
two years in the Ionia Reforma-
try. l am also a heavy drinker.
and don't know when 70 stop
when ! get started. My wife and
I love each other and our children
very truly, and ] would 60 crazy
II something ever happened 10
break up our home. I'm afraid
this might happen If ! don't get
help soon.
Could you tell me If there Is any
service man can get IN with a
police record Also is there some
clinic where a man can 60 for
treatment?
Mr.. J. L.
Dear Mr.. j. L.:
I doubt very much, with your
record az a chronic drinker,
quite apart from your police
record. that II would he possible
for YOU to get into the armed
forces. On the other hand, you
might better consult n psychia-
trist Mt one OF the city hospitals
and see whether he may not be
able 10 help YOU with the prob
lem Of your drinking. which
seems 10 he your main difficulty.
-. ROBERT FOSTER,
family counseling service Mer-
rill-Palmer School.
EDITORS NOTE: You might
also investigate Alcoholics Anon
yTnous. Genl p. O. 904, Detroit,
UN. 3-9043. This is an organiza-
ton OF chronic drinkers who are
trying 10 effect cures through
their own efforts. There has been
great success in many cases, and
you might sec whether such a
procedure as they advocate may
be helpful in your case)
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Fighting Mans Friend
Questions and Answers

Q-I haven't received a letter
from my brother in two months.
l know / can't receive certain in
formation. but where could / go
10 find out whether or not he has
gone overseas? c. l.. F.
A-Contact the home service
division of the American Red
Cross, 800 w. Lafayette. Ran
dolph 1880. They might he able
To help you find out II your
brother has gone overseas.
THE CLINIC.
Q-The name on my birth GER
tificate is different from the one
under which l was married and
have my social security number
Should I have this changed legally
and where can this be done?
MRS. J. F.
(Also MRS. s. D. and MRS.
II. s.
A-You should have your
name changed legally to avoid
confusion and complications In
the future. You may attend 10
this ut the probate court located
In the Wayne County Building.
THE CLINIC.
Q-I am q stenographer for a
company that is doing about IS
per cent war work. l feel that
could better myself and secure a
more responsible position, and
want 10 know if IL is necessary
for me 10 be released before l can
secure another job.
CURIOUS.
A-You will have to secure
a release either from your en-
plOyer or from the VINO
branch at your local USES Of
fice. They will take your case
into consideration and will de-
eide whether or not you are en-
titled TO a release.
THE CLINIC.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

from clients: CA
ot cat stays only where he is
well treated. A dog will stay
with a cruel master no matter
how badly treated. Does this
not show a cat is more intelh-
gent man a dog?
"A dog Ii a patient and
loyal animal but when badly
treated will not stay with a
cruel master. Some people In a
neighborhood In which we lived
kept dog chained up all the
Time and treated him badly.
Some kids unclaimed the dog
who ran away and never went
back. This dog settled down
with some kindly people In a
place Ave miles away. ! know
this 10 he n fact. There prob
ably have been many similar oc-
currences.
THE time is not far of when
a man will be able TO live
as long as he wants TO az the
age he prefers. So claim some
men of science. Would you care
10 live forever? And If so at
what age? 1 would take the
age of 81.
Understand some people are
now making money raising rab-
bits. IT is said if you take two
rabbits 10 begin with and start
them breeding that At the end
OF the ninth generation, II no
deaths occur, you will have
three million rabbits.
DISCUSSING the compare
~ tive influence OF heredity
and environment a Chicagoan
writes:
II think Haeckel, In his
Riddle Of the Universe fully
proved for all time that en-
vironment II q far greater de-
termining factor than heredity.
Modern psychological science
regards heredIty N being OF
extremely small importance"
(Note-Despite Haeckel and
the modern experts ! still claim
that when a man inherits GER
tain strong characteristics IL
enables him TO rise above a
poor environment and to take
advantage of a good environ
ment. EVD)
Copyright. 1913. by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
How to Submit
Your Problems
To Clinic Experts

Write your problems 10
WAR PROBLEM CLINIC,
The Detroit Times, Detroit,
Mich.
You must sign your name
and address, although no
names will he published but
will he held in strictest con-
fidence. Do NOT write di-
rectly to members of the
panel. Y
These authorities make UP
the WAR PROBLEM CLINIC
panel.
Judge James r. Chenot
Edward Pokorny
Rev. Joseph A. Foley, 8. j.
Fred VI. ButZel
DR.. Robert G.. Foster
Or, Alfred McClung Lee
Mrs. Frances Sanderson
Miss Elva VI. Forncrook
John r. Watkins y
Mrs. Irene r. Murphy
Miss Mary VI. O'Neill
Walter II. r. Scott
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

I AGREE with my correspond
4 ent in every statement. He,
or she, has made very scien-
tific resume Of the exact situa-
ton.
Two principles apply which
may he stated thus
II the heredity Of the con
tracing parents is good, cousin
marriages result in vigorous and
healthy offspring All the good
qualities in the family tree arc
accentuated,
II there are bad hereditary
elements in the family tree
both cousins share them and
they are likely 10 be accentu-
ated in the offspring
AS MY correspondent says
"A these bad hereditary traits
are likely 10 crop up no matter
whom the carrier Of the genes
marries, but IL is true that
cousin marriage increases, In
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

dish 7 have seen listed on a
restaurant menu is Angels on
Horseback . This is a popular
dish in San Francisco and is a
combination Of oysters and
bacon
A popular song in World
War l that should be revived is:
Say a Prayer for the Boys Out
There
"V0U are courageous man
Il to enter into the field Of
women's ages" writes Congress
man Clare Boothe Luce. She's
just trying TO be nice when she
says courageous" She means
foolish. Anyway, Clare says !
made a mistake in the age of
her daughter and that | may
expect 10 hear from the young
lady about il.
am going to handle this COR
respondence with as much re-
straint and diplomacy as pos
sihle. II the young lady is as
quick on the trigger as her dis
tinguished mother / am not
going TO try to trade repartee
with her.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

Who builds church within his
heart
Ard takes u Nth him every
Uhere,
Is holisr for than he whose
church
Is but a one-day house Of prayer.
Morris Abel Beer.
OVER two million women
" are collecting alimony in the
United States Now they have
10 pay income tax on II. Only
three states provide for the dis
continuance OF alimony when
woman marries again. In some
states no alimony is allowed in
the case OF a childless wife. In
many states husbands can sue
fo- alimony ! suppose there are
ex-husbands who get alimony
checks but so far / have never
met one.
Rarely encountered is a doc
tor or surgeon of 40 years OF
age or over who is a bachelor.
Doctors and surgeons think that
unless they are married people
will not have confidence in their
steadiness. Nurses makes the
best wives for doctors.
THE federal trade commission
Il once ruled there was no
known cure for snoring. Yet II.
II. Mencken claimes he was
cured of snoring by an opera
ton on his nasal passages EVi-
IDENTIFY much depends on what is
the cause OF the snoring.
After World War I the Allies
wanted 10 bring Kaiser Will
helm 10 trial as war criminal.
However, the government Of
Holland. TO which country the
Kaiser had fed, fefused 10 turn
him over 20 the Allies.
Among the outstanding fol-
lowers OF the advice: II at
first you don't succeed, try, try
again" was the owner Of a
thoroughbred horse named Sad
knight which went 10 the post
81 times and was never in the
money.
The quaintest name for a
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Hes a CiUiIian NOW
Apologize to an mp?
Boer Sticks to Insults
By ARTHUR BUGS" BAER

Here is letter from little lady who signs herself AN
MPs Niece:
"To the Editor: Some time your writer Bugs Baer
called the modern MP soe My uncle Is MP and quote
his reply:
Received your letter with clipping about MP's. The
author of that Infamous literary masterpiece Is obviously
decades to the Of current events The service
Of today entirely different from the soldier of
1917.
HE must be handled In entirely different
he MP Of today must have classification of 100
above The army average 81 So the MP corps has the
ram of the CROP"
The MP's niece thinks the boys apology. have
six different types Of apologies for all occasions have
me in lavender in which the that crawleth
the and bow until exhausted while stunning
music antique either and heapng Goals Of fire my old
asbestos head
But would not know of any apology for Mp know
Of Mp who would take apology in lieu of
know of foolish enough TO look Mp in the eye
while appealing to his
The nearest could TO apology for Mp would
not suffice would have TO be wrapped lead and shot
out Of catapult.
Copyright
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Quick Answers

Zero Islands.
2-Same as in Maine 9;36 a. m
3-Longitude is reckoned f. or
w from the meridian pass
ing through Greenwich OBJ
servatory, near London.
4-Ex-P President Hoover was
born In Iowa.
5-25 years.
6--Shooting by firing squad.
True; sometimes by as much
as an inch
s-"M fountains Of brilliant
stones"
Copyright, is43. By King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

While Walter WineheH Is
quay, Sd column vM Be con-
Quoted by guest contributors.
Todsy's 10 BY Gladys Svarth.
IRON the time I was a young
ster in pistails in the small
town OF Deepwater, Mo, to the
year of my Metropolitan debut,
the opera was a world of fantasy
distant. hazy, magnetic. II
was my Hans Christian Ander-
son and my Alice in Wonder
land. It's fabulous fables were
| my faVorite fairy tales. ! began
collecting other peoples rem
iniscences, the bsckstage grape
vine OF seamstresses, prompters,
call boys, electricians the
footlight circuit OF coloraturas,
tenors, bassos, the casual chat
ting Of old-timerS >. they were
my Walter Winchell.
The opera >. turbulent
world OF It's own a glittering
dream world OF the elite and
privileged home OF ample
bosomed prima donnss, suave
tenox, faithful stagehands,
faded scenery. lush costumes -.
a scrapbook OF grandiose mem
|ories-violent Carmens, heroic
|Isoldes, wistful Minis.
|OPERA today has discarded
~ its halo, tossed away It's
top hat, stepped down from its
pedestal. but;
Remember when: Opers stars
knew half a dozen kings, several
|queens, a handful Of princes and
n generous sprinkling OF poten-
|tates and great ladies. Retinues
|trailed each diva from La Scala
no Covent Garden 10 the Metro
|politan in a whirlwind triple
play. When stage door johnnies
FWere bank presidents, ambassa,
|dors and adrnirals. and the Met
meant the Diamond Horseshoe
Here society's high corseted
xageYs sat, jewelled from
stem 10 stern. Here were the
fragile. ready.to-bloorr debu-
|tantes, the legendary figures OF
fWall Street.-The Astors. Goulds
land Vanderbilts and far
away the tiny figure. who were
|maRnified under the stare OF
Expensive opera glasses.
Bank night AZ the opera
the banks all over town called
ION 10 disgorge their tonnage OF
family Jewels for opera openings
|-tiaras, stomachers, necklaces,
bracelets.
And remember when: Queen
Marie Of Runania modelled her
wardrobe after the costumes OF
|latterday opera queens?
Melba went on tour in vel
tier Of trunks. hatboxes. press
agents, limousines taking
her own silk sheets and satin
bedding.
Patti was paid $1,000 for
every performance. and refused
Ito start a single aria till the
cash was in her hand?
A titian-haired diva dictated
TO the stage director, made him
|change the settings completely
when they didn't harmonic
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

with the costume she wore 10
dress rehearsals?
New York heard all Of them
in one season: Caruso. Garden,
Farrar, Scott, Amato. Games,
Homer, TetrazZini, Jeritza?
I EFT En- Eat Cake Enter
II glamor, exit the unro-
mantle bulge .. No more
pudgy Carmens, beefy Mar
guerites, bovine ViolettaS
Nowadays a pound OF flesh is
the price of stardom slim.
chic, photogenic, The new
glamor girls OF the Met rival
Hollywood's harvest OF beauties.
But remember when opera
divss were measured in terms
Of poundaze and square footage,
when Schumsnn-Heink couldn't
wedge herself into a taxi door
tRCA-Victor used TO send
q limousine 10 take her 10 Cam
den 10 make recordings 49,
but once the Limousine broke
down and a taxi was sent in it's
place. The grand old madam
struggled valiantly 10 get
through the door. Finally the
driver suggested timorously.
Maybe YOU could try 10
come In sidewsys."
Schurann-iieink came back
with:
young man. I'm afraid there
isn't any sideways
Remember when parts calling
for women to wear tights we're
a directors nightmare and
the time that Frances Aida was
chosen for the role of the
Princess in Marong twho must
be disguised as a boy for TWO
excellent reasons-her right and
left legs
Remember when SAlome was
always costuned in long under
wear dyed flesh color when
Emma Games defed tradition.
and after connecting her own
bathtub brew appeared as
Salome In decollete outfit, her
skin browned7 She was the
rage, but she never divulged
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Gladys SwarfhOut
Discusses Opera

that secret makeup formula) ....
Bori, Hempel, and Aida triple
starring in Tales OF Hoffman
Rosella and Carmella Ponselle
were just a vaudeville team.
DEMEMBER the mass retreat
~ from Europe at the out
break of World War ! tGstti-
Cassazza bought up all the space
he could on the S. S. Canopic
which the newspapers dubbed
THE Metropolitan's Noah s
Ark"D? Remember Farrar in
sisting on having real live geese
in The Goose Girl? They never
-iet-oet single squawk
maybe they had stage fright
Remember the first operate
strip tease? (Farrar in Tosca).
D.. Remember what the critics
said about Caruso and Farrar
when they first appeared?
(They were both panned. Ca
russo was full OF unpleasant
Italian mannerisms" Farrar
was dismissed as "peu de
chose. }
OPERA antics: Caruso, prize
" prankster, caused an uproar
in A performance Of La Boheme
with his deviish tomfollery. He
filled a water glass with ink,
and top hat with rice
squirted soda water from a
siphon in the face OF every one
who appeared AT a certain exit
o.. removed two casters from
Minis deathbed so that her
final death spasms heaved the
entire bed around the stage.
Result: Caruso was fined 500.
Mary Garden. beautiful sc-
tress-singer and the first woman
-tffrcctor, WIZ noted for her Dor
othy Parker repartee. She
shocked society by appearing in
daringly low-cut gowns. When
asked by one inquisitive gentle
man how she kept IL up, she re-
piled; Two things, Mr.. -.
Your age and my discretion.
Aida. making her New York
debut in Faust. was foiled by a
jealous rival. When she started
20 spin at the spinning wheel.
she found the wheel wouldn't
turn an inch---it had been nailed
down. Then, when she went 10
enter the cottage door for her
next big scene, she found that
the conspirator had nailed the
door so she couldn't get inside.
MARIA JERITZA was the
vi only woman 10 sing a com
plete aria lying on the stage
CTosca). A naughty prima
donna lost her pantslettes on
stage Before she could hide
them, Caruso picked them up 10
exhibit 20 the audience.
On With the News Today
the ghost Of Otto Kahn might
writhe Subways. hurting
New Workers 10 work, carry ads
for the Met White collar
workers read the little subway
card strategically placed be-
tween toothpaste ads and Be
lieye II or Not" cartoons
Seats al the Met for only S1OO.
Whisk away the magic carpet
Operas feet are on the
ground.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Connolly Answers

la Mt. Etna; th) Mt.
Vesuvius: tc) Mt. Mario.
2-(aD Japan; (b) California;
tcl Hawaii.
3-(a) Youth; tb) harvest; (c)
sleep
4-(a) Glacier; tb) humidity;
(c) ice.
,5-(a) New York; tb) Virginia:
(c) Ohio.
6-(a) Shakespeare. Hamlet;
(b) Stephen Crane. title Of
a book; tc) Omar Khayyam,
"PubiVat
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Seeks Military Boarding
School Near Detroit

War Problem Clinic:
| would like some information
regarding military boarding
schools. My wife has been dead
for several years, and I am having
difficulty in finding regular
home for my boys. would like
10 find a school in or near Detroit
as ! am working in the city
Mr.. V. G..
Dear Mr.. v. g.:
The only military boarding
school In or near Detroit of
which We have knowledge IL the
Howe Military School at Howe,
Ind.
DR.. ROBERT G. FOSTER.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

the Court, ninth floor, Barlum
Tower.
MRS. IRENE r. MURPHY,
Family and Child Welfare sec
rotary. Council OF Social
Agencies.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

TURF writers have a stock
4 term that always inks me
because il reminds me Of a GER
tain mean little trait in human
nature.
They invariably speak Of a
race horse that at some time in
its career may have run in
claiming races. as an "ex-
platter though the horse may
have long since advanced 10 the
status of an outstanding stakes
winner, like Marriage, the win
ner of the Arlington Handicap,
the other day.
Claiming races suggest
lowly station in equine life and
the reference is as if the turf
writer's do not want the pub
lie and perhaps the horse 10
ever forget II was a bum, ike
the wise guy you all know who,
when the name of a successful
citizen is brought up, remarks:
He used to he a -"
WELL, a follower of some
w hum b e and perhaps
mental occupation. honorable
enough. but mentioned by the
wise guy. not in a compliment
tary sense. but with a sneeF,-
as if il somehow reflected on
the current status of the citi-
zen.
Or the recollection may have
more discredftabie implications.
The wise guy may remember
that the citizen used TO be a
drunkard or a gambler or a
roustabout in a saloon. Remi-
niscence of this nature makes
the wise guy very happy, in
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10

OUCH are some Of the bad
- results OF cousin marriages.
! suppose the remnants Of the
prejudice against il is that
cousins who are feeble-minded
or even mentally below par tend
10 cling together because they
are uncomfortable in the pres
enee Of people mentally alert.
Examples Of good cousin mar
riageS are among the Puritans
Of New England, specifically the
Edwards family And the mod
ern citizen OF our land needs
only 10 look al the White House,
whose occupants represent a
cousin marriage. and certainly
the offspring are handsome.
healthy and brilliant group.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
Cousin
Marriages

fact doubles, the chances Of
their appearance.
When we speak OF bad hereoi-
tary traits we mean something
that can be measured. such a.
imbecility, idiocy. feeble-mind-
edneSs. deaf-muusm, criminal
tendencies, Huntingtons chorea
muscular atrophy, etc.
Alexander Graham Bell made
many studies OF the nations
blind and deaf and found a large
number of cousin marriages. In
certain inbred families on Mar
thas Vineyard he found II per
cent Of deaf mutiSm.
Studies made on one Of the
peninsulas OF Chesapeake Bay
showed an abnormal number Of
QUARTS
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
On Broadway :.
For Walter WincheIl-

Trade Marx Registered coPyriEhs 1919
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1943-08-10
On the Side
Two Million Women
Collecting AiiTnOny

Distributed BY King Pastures synd Inc.
Arkansas State press., 1943-01-15
Bradley News
BY A. Z. Brown

Sgt. Marshall Howell, jr., of Fl.
Bragg, N. c. has returned to camp
after a brief visit with his parents
A birthday party was given in
the home Of Mr.. and Mrs. Armie
Burrell honoring their son and
daughter, Armie Burrell, jr., and
Anita Bell. Many gifts We're re-
ceived by the honorees. Mrs. Ella
w. Baker of Los Angeles, Calf
has returned home after spending
the holiday with relatives. Fun
era. services were held here for
Wesley Martin. Mr.. Martin is
survived by a wife and son. a
mother, four brothers and five
grandchildren and host Of other
relatives. In attendance at the
last rites were Mrs. Annie Gipson,
a sister in law and Mrs. Lucie Mae
Timmons, neice, both of Spring
Hill, La, Mrs. Charlotte James of
Shreveport, La, and Mrs. Mary
l.. Jones and Mrs. Leather Hous-
ton, all of Shreveport were visit
ing Mr.. and Mrs. Clarence Martin
last weekend, also visiting them
is their grandson, James Timmon
of Spring Hill.