Evening star., 1943-04-20
actless Friend
Often Causes
Confusion
By Emily Post

1t Is curious how often those ver1
people who most want to smooth the
pathway for their friends, dig pit
falls instead. One who dug a per-
1ect elephant trap is described in
this letter: Il know that it is a DO
lite practise to take candy (or flow
ers) to hostess when one is invited
TO dinner for a second or third time
ana has not been able meantime to
make any return. But I did not
think 1t necessary or even correct to
take candy to stranger when in
vlted to her house for the first time
not even then on my own account.
My situation was this: 1 was
visiting my college roommate who
has not long been married. Her
mother-in-laW invited us to dinner
On the way my friend stopped at
candy store and bought a box of
candy. Before we arrived at the
house she handed it to me and asked
me please to give it to her mother
ln-laW-as from me! I was terribly
embarrassed at being made to feel
that 1 had overlooked a duty and
later l insisted upon paying for the
candy. This evidently made every
thing right from my friends stand
point and the mother-in-l law seemed
pleased. But am still upset and I
can't seem to forget the incident"
To this I must first of all saw.
don't worry! 1t is NOT usual to
take a gift to stranger; and it is
perfectly plain that your friend was
merely anxious to have you liked
by her mother-in-law. She might
(more tactfully) have suggested,
would you like to please my mother
law? II you would, she loves a GER
tain kind Of candy" Even this
might have seemed forcing you to do
what you had not intended-and
/ therefore open to criticism.) ANY,
way her object was plainly to make
her mother-in-law pleased with you,
which ought not to have offended
you. In fact, if I were you I'd re-
member her liking for the candy
when going to see her again-and
Id certainly try to overcome any
lurking chagrin.
Dear Mrs. Post: My daughter is
marrying a widower The fact is
that at the time they wish to be
married, he will have been a wild
over less than a year. How ques-
tlonable will that be? The reason
they wish to hurry the wedding is 50
that the family can be together
again. His children have been liv-
ing with relatives. The bride has
never been married. May she wear
bridal dress and may all the friends
and relatives be invited and en-
graved invitations sent, and a re-
ception be given following the cere-
mony?
Answer: Yes, to all of these oues-
tions. A bride may always wear
bridal dress at her own first mar
riage and have a real wedding in
every detail. Furthermore. almost
a year" seems to be longer in war
time than in peace time.
Dear Mrs. Post: Today l receive
more wedding invitations than bills.
I am i'll and don't 90 out much
and what must I do with these in
vitations?
Answer-If they have r. s. v. D.
then you really should answer them.
but If they do not request an answer,
then none is required. Since "A
third person reply is entirely I'M
personal, it does not matter who
writes for you:
Mrs. Thomas Jones
regrets that she is unable to accept
Mr.. and Mrs. Henry Smiths
kind invitation for, etc.
People who are i'll sometimes write
IN pencil on calling card, Deeply
regret illness prevents going to we'd
ding June TO-" In this case some
one can address the envelope for
you In ink.