Evening star., 1943-05-07

Henry MeLemors. children on the
head and run like hell to get to the
ONCE on time.
Do they? Or are they men who
were trapped of Labrador in great
steel traps and had nets thrown
over them by trappers before they
chewed off leg and ran of into
the wilds?
Could censors be men who were
dropped from some far planet by
Buck Rogers parachute and
landed here to take a dismal view
Of what normal men and women
write and say? Or are they like
baseball umpires who travel alone,
dress alone, speak alone to their
working brothers and. in general,
lead the life Of monks for fear
they might possibly disclose some
thing Of importance to the great
outside world?
I have no answer to these ques-
tions. Even though I deal with
censors every day, they are as far
out Of my ken as the Purple Cow"
that Gellett Burgess wrote about.
I have never seen one. have never
been one. I write my column and
send 1t of to the censors. 1t Is
much like writing letter and send
ing it of in bottle at high tide.
Call Purely Courtesy.
True, the censors call you when
they fnd something in a story to
which they object. But the call is
purely one of courtesy. Nothing you
can say will change their minds.
Before they call you, they have
knocked it out. They have made
up their minds and you are only
wasting your breath when you at
tempt to persuade them to leave
your words intact.
In case you ever run up against
the censors, I will give you a few
hints. Never be exact. Always be
vague. If you meet man with
three teeth and want to write about
him, don't under any circumstances
say that you met man with three
teeth. II you do, the censors will
call back and say something like
this: I'm your story, you say you
met man with small number Of
teeth or man without the full
amount OF teeth? Oh, you can?
Well. thank you"
This has puzzled me ever since I
got to London. Just why the num-
Der OF teeth a man has in his head
affects military strategy I don't
know, unless 1t could be that IL
Indicates that the Allied dental de-
tail is not completely adequate and
that the Germans might gain some
comfort from knowing there was q
certain amount OF toothache midst
the foe.
Hint 2: Never mention the
weather. don't mean todays
weather, but the weather of a
month or year ago. The only
weather that the censors will allow
you to pass on to the outer world is
the weather over the Strait OF
Dover. Every day the London
newspapers tell how 1t was at
Dover. Windy. Clear. Cloudy,
Freshening winds. Cold. Hot. I
think this must be for the benefit
OF the bluebirds who are said to
nest there by the thousands. It
certainly couldn't be for the benefit
Of the citizens, more than one Of
whom I have heard say they didn't
give a good Owo words censored)
what mother nature was doing
at Dover.
Five Words Uncensored.
To show the popularity of the
censors, must get personal and
quote a letter from my wife. She
told me in recent letter that ono
OF my letters was completely scis-
sored by the censors. She said that
all she got was sheet of paper
that said, Dear Jean" and Much
Love, Henry"
I will take an oath that not one
word I have ever written home con-
tanned even the slightest suggestion
Of breach of security. There
couldn't have been a word in that
letter that would have jeopardized q
single Allied soldier, sailor or ma.
rine. But 1t was cut out.
am not mad, mind you. In the
nrst place. like my wife to think
am In the thick Of things to such
an extent that I have information
that could not pass the censor. In
the second place, I know that the
censors, when they are trapped In
the Far North and taken from
their homes and loved ones, have to
have time to become acclimated to
their new and strange surroundings.
AS a matter Of fact, some Of my
dearest enemies are censors. I
would rather have my tongue cut
from my mouth or have my type
writer fingers cut from their joints
than say one hard, unkind or crit
lcal word against the censored.
Distributed BY McNauRht Syndicate. Incl
Petroleum Director