Evening star., 1943-06-01


try to get all this food into your
mouth before the force of gravity
topples it back into your plate again.
This is a sample of what your
forces abroad are going through in
an effort to show complete co-opera-
ton with the British even to the
extent of adopting their table man
ners. The British, as you undoubted-
ly know, don't eat the way we do
at all.
Viewed from a distance, an Eng
lishman eating looks very much like
a snare drummer in one Of our jazz
bands hitting a one-piece swing. He
keeps his fork in his left hand and
never transfers it to his right as
We do, which enables him to main
tain ceaselesS beat between his
plate and his mouth. Too, he not
only holds his fork in his left hand
at all times, but he operates it from
an upside down position. He eats off
the back of his fork, in other words.
Not an Easy Technique.
Now throughout the British Isles
the American soldiers are trying to
master this complicated dining ma
neuver. 1t is not easy. 1t calls for
development of completely new set
of muscles in the left hand, as we'll
as new sense of timing and CO.
ordination between the shoulder,
elbow, wrist fingers and mouth.
Il is amazing how easy it is to miss
your mouth when you first start. 1t
IS also amazing how miserable a
fork full of Brussels sprouts feels
in the ear when the hand has missed
its target. But, in the cause of
Anglo American unity, the G. I. Joes
all over these islands are doing it.
In an effort to do my bit toward
cooperation. have been eating that
way myself of late and have reached
certain degree of dexterity.
What is really needed by a Begin
ner in the British method of eating
is at least two years in good college
architecture. A man like Henry J.
Kaiser probably could start eating
right of the bat because he under
stands such things as stress and
strain as we'll as other constitutional
and building problems. But not
so I.
Momentous Problems.
Here are some of the problems
that still face me as I try to eat
the way the British do: How many
green peas and lima beans will
quarter-lnch dab of mashed pota-
toes support securely? Will roast
| beef stay on fork because of CEN
| trlfugal motion? Is Doric column
OF Brussels sprouts more likely to
last until the folk reaches the mouth
or would Corinthian column be
more substantial? What drainage
system can be employed to keep the
gravy from running between the
| tines of the fork while it is being
| loaded with other edibles? Is a.
Gothic mound of food more appro-
pirate in a dining room that is oak
paneled than would be a mound of
Georgian or Tudor style?
The American soldier is not the
only one who is suffering, however,
for the sake of amity. The British
are now trying to eat our style and
it is pathetic to watch them try to
pass gracefully a fork from the
left hand to the right. They're as
awkward as grammar school run
ners passing the baton in relay
race, often dropping it and having
to pick 1t up. And, without any
knife to use as pusher, they some
times spend as much as five minutes
trying to run down and capture a
bite of meat and gravy.
The net result is that while the
Union Jack and the Stars and
Stripes are now flying side by side,
the chances are they were raised
by two guys with greasy fingers
in other words, dirty hands across
the sea.
distributed by McNaught Syndicate, 1ncD