The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1943-11-26
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z-f1e tTleS 10 interest sUfIleDouJ
with capital. The first prospect lis
tens with interest up to point
where he is convinced he would dou-
BILE his money. This scares him
out.
3-The inventor sees another capi-
talist. He almost gets him with the
argument that If they are careful
they can avoid quantity production.
4-Spurned again, he contacts a
group of financiers who have been
very successful at losing money.
They think the mousetrap will be a
flop and decide to back It.
/ 5--They ask him how much money
he needs. He says about 500, 900.
They refuse to 60 in unless he will
take million. He reluctantly ac-
cepts.
Gle needs only wood, wire and
a few holes. Owing to wood short
age he is asked to use plastics. He
nearly gets some wire, but priori-
ties set in and he is told to use soy
beans.
Tile can still use holes for holes,
he thinks. But he is now stymied
by an OPA decision to ration holes.
He can only get three to trap.
8-He phones his hackers that
there are SO many obstacles con-
fronting him that they will all lose
money, and he suggests dropping
the project. They bring suit to
make him 60 ahead.
9-IIe turns out his first trap.
It costs $780, AS it has to sell for
80 cents retail it looks bad. He
notifies his hackers. They are quite
pleased but suggest he turn out
traps at cost of $40 each and sell
them two for a quarter. They are
not taking any chances on more sur
tax burdens.
10-The Better Mousetrap man
asks for a factory in Elmira, N. Y,
that can be bought for about $4,000.
His hackers buy him four in Detroit
at cost of $1,500,000 with govern
ment aid.
11-He gets into production but
has to suspend work to answer fed
eral questionnaires and fill out new
tax forms.
12LAfter a long struggle he re-
sumes operations. The Mousetrap
Makers Union calls strike de-
manding fewer holes in the mousse
traps. He offers to cut the holes to
one. The WRLB is called in and
rules that one hole is too many UNI
der the Wagner Act.
13-He asks the board how mice
can get into such trap. 1t says:
"They can't get in under Roosevelt;
let 'em wait until Willkie is elected"
14-After long negotiations he is
allowed to put one hole into each
trap except on Saturdays and Sum
days.
IS Ultimately he is all set for
business except for a radio theme
song. He listens to 400 goofy jim
giles. He picks one sufficiently silly.
16-He discovers that the lyric
says the product contains the essen
tial vitamins, is made from SUM-
kissed leaves and puts iron in the
blood.
17-He says vitamins and iron do
not appeal to mice. His advertising
man tells him that radio results
prove him wrong.
18-Just when he seems out of the
woods OPA rations cheese. It sug-
gests that traps be baited with pig
tails and entities.
19-The Mousetrap Workers Union
now walks out in sympathy with q
strike Of Rat Poison Mixers. The
War Relations Labor board tells him
unless he gives in inside of ten days
the government will seize his plant.
20-He now goes nuts and insists
he never designed a mousetrap or
was in business for himself for a
single hour. He swears he is col
lege professor.
2l-This lands him job in Wash
I luSgOu dS q COuiioCl W OuoAiiCoS AASA'
I Moral-Nothing succeeds like
deficit, plenty of confusion and
story that you were once on a col
lege faculty.
Secretary Morgenthau is giving up
his dairy farm after 20 years. We
understand he finds it hard to make
q profit these days because of the
governments financial policies.
Probably Mr.. Morgenthau had an
extra difficult time trying to make
both ends meet in the milk business.
Every time he tried to milk cow
he would have trouble trying to be-
gin at Section /, Paragraph A, or
skip to Item 4, Paragraph D.
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And it's tough figuring out sur
tax while sitting on milkstool with
a cow knee-deep in questionnaires.
We can imagine Henry, sunk IN a
sea of milk and deficits and exclaim-
ing: Gin business today, if it isn't