Evening star., 1943-02-03

dilly:
Say you're billeted In some little
village and you get ~ hours leave
Naturally you head for London. II
you're wise (and lucky you'll team
up with a Cockney doughboy on
leave to steer you straight. Then
the fun begins.
"Sez you: I wanna 60 to a movie.
"Sez he: You mean the cinema.
"Sez you: And wanna sit In the
balcony
"Sez he: You mean the dress
circle
"Sez you: I wanna get an eyeful
Of one of those long lines Of muggs
on the sidewalk waiting to get In
"Sez he: You mean q queue on
the pavement: in England there Is
no such thing as Z sidewalk
"Sez you: What do people do,
walk in the street?'
"Sez he: No, mate, they walk on
the pavement. The road, not street.
is for vehicles
"Sez you: 'Okay, but what about
house with piazza? I haven't
seen one, not even In the country
"Sez he: You mean a verandat.
A plaza is colonnade, covered
footway lined with columns
'Sez you: Well. what about frame
houses? All I've seen are built of
stone or brick
"Sez he: There's no such thing
as q frame house In Britain. Is it
by any chance the headquarters of
gangsters where they plan to frame
. victim?'
'Sez you: Skip 1t. But II you
had any gangsters In this country
would they wind up in the pen?'
''Sez he: The pen being?'
"Ses you: 'Penitentiary.'
"Sez he: Not unless they were I'M
moral women or boys
"Sez you: How Gomez
"Sez he: "A penitentiary, original
ly place Of monastic discipline, has
now two meanings attached to it in
England. It Is either an asylum
for prostitutes seeking an amend
ment Of life, or house OF correction.
In this country crooks 90 to prison.
"Sez you: And II they're put on
bread and water. the water doesn't
come out Of . pitcher; It's = sewer.
they tell me-
"Seg he: or, more likely, . jug.
The word pitcher. once In common
use, has been archaic In England for
four o. five centuries
'ises you: That has al the ear
marks Of . dirty crack. I suppose
we're just ~ far behind the times
by saying baggage instead Of hug
gage
"Sez he: quite. Baggage, not
luggage, was the word In this coun-
try from 1850 to l766, 10 years before
your country was born. hut when
II was applied to women Of m um-
savory sort, wherefore naturally g.
cent folk did not care TO carry bn1-!
gage about with them
"sez you: so natur11iy you
haven't got . baggage snasher IN
this country.
"sez he: No. nor . baggage car;
1t Is the goods van. Your bageage
room Is the left luggage odlce, your
baggage man u our porter. And
your system q checking baggage &
unknown here
"ses you: 'Okay, but ten me the
answer to this one. The old lady
that runs my billet offered to mend
. silk shirt Of mine, II I'd get the
right colored silk thread. So / went
to the village drygoods store and
asked for some spoolS Of thread. I
might as well have been talking
double Dutch. For all tried l
couldn't make 'em understand what
I wanted
"Sez he: Naturally not. A spool
Of thread is reel Of cotton
Sex you: Even when it's silk?'
$50 he: Even when it's silk
~Se1 you: skip 1t. But how about
the time I nearly got dragged into
the village church - principal actor
IN . wedding? not only hadn't
tried to make the girl; I'd told her
to her faee I'd never seen anybody
~ homely - she was
"6es he: You couldn't have said
anything more fiattering II you'd
tried. Only . man looking for .
wife picks out . homely girl, homely
In English meaning . girl who Is all
for homo LIE
"Sez you: Well, that puts q period
to 1t. guess
"Sez he: No, not in English
English. That punctuation mark In
this country Is known as q full
STOP"
When the Ziegfeld Follies, first in
seven years, comes along to E street
ADJUSTMENTS.