Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1943-01-11
CHAPTER VIM.
where's Daddy, Mummy?

oAaAAAOSAs WAulOuG le2I, LnlS In1nR
that Is happening to your child s
world.
Daddy is gone. It's as obvious a.
your child's nose on his face. It's
something he knows. You can't
hush 1t up. You can't silence the
questions. No matter how anxious
you may be about your child's physi-
cal safety; how much you want him
out OF danger zones when the time
comes; how you shift and budget
and plan way to keep him as
happy and carefree as in the past;
unless bombs threaten your own
home, your first concern is with the
way your child feels, your first
thought the questions you must
answer.
War exists for every child today,
but to a far greater degree for your
own. Their daddy is In 1t. They
personally pit Daddy against Hitler.
Daddy Is In every plane that fys
every ship on the seas, in every
tank. You can't try to hide the
dangers and terror OF war from your
children. just having daddy that
wears q uniform makes them part
Of 1t.
What can you do to lessen the
nervous strain? How can you I'LL
the gap in your household 50 you
alone feel 1t? How does 4 layman-
mother go about finding sense in
theories and words and psychol-
ogists' formulae? How does she
learn to differentiate between a
child's Imagination and literal trust?
When my little girl comes running
into my bedroom at night saying
she dreamed of the horror Of drop
ping bombs and bogeymen enemies
come to capture her, I don't know
whether it's true or whether it's just
a wonderful excuse to climb into bed
with me.
When she tells me she Is "melan-
choly" and I ask her "Why?" don't
know whether she started the whole
thing because she loves the sound Of
the big word melancholy" or be-
cause she really feels lonely and sad
without her father.
I took her to the airport with me
the day we saw her father of.
wanted her to see him get on the
plane SO she would remember his
leaving by a very tangible means Of
transportation, rather than awaken
ing one morning to ind he had
dropped off into space.
AS we turned to 90, she began
sobbing.
What is the matter, dear?" I
asked her, as matter of -factly as I
could manage.
This is very sad day for me,
mummy" she said.
I believed her. Paintings are sad
for all humans, no matter how
young. I took her very seriously.
But, in the willy way that all children
know how to use to good effect, she
discerned something that day. She
learned that one way to win my
confidence and sympathy was to be
upset over daddy.
II she tells me she is sad I cannot
help but play with her more dill
gently than I might otherwise II
she tells me she is so worried I for
give an earlier tantrum or a display
of bad manners or a laggardness,
Because it is so hard to discipline
in the face of childish grief, it be-
comes an infantile whip hand over
me. One can only hope to learn to
differentiate in due course and then
settle that little score.
But you can't dismiss a plea OF
sadness because you may suspect it
to be fake You can't wave away
the trembling of bad dream about
bombs and Japs and -leggedy
beasties. even If you know it was
thought up that moment. Far bet
ter to be taken in a few times than
to turn the child away from you
some moment when she may need
you most.
The best thing you have to offer
your children is your own calmness,
your own serenity. All the expert
ences that have come out Of Eng
lands years Of war show that as
you stand up and take 1t, 50 will
your children.
Because you are alone now you
have to supply all the courage and
family unity that used to be In part
your husbands Job. But don't clutch
at your children. You'll find YOUR
self turning to them as safeguards
for your own emotional stability.
You'll be so glad you have them to
compensate for your new loneliness
you will want to lavish an attention
and companionship out Of keeping
with the real needs Of either Of you.
You can sometimes give your chill
dren a greater feeling Of security
when you are removed from them.
There are no hard-and-fast rules
about the outward forms Of security.
You may achieve it by keeping your
children close to you. Or you may
bolster their morale by sending
them away to school where, sur
rounded by other children, they will
not be witness to your own private
economic struggles and adult fear.
One of the bravest. most devoted
mothers I have ever met sent her
two boys of to q private boarding
school because she didn't want them
to see her drained of energy after
a hard day on newly acquired Job.
Almost all her money goes into their
schooling. and she lives in q tiny
furnished room in an evil part Of
town on the little she has left,
1t Is from your psychological
stamina, no matter how you have
4
OFFICIAL NOTICES.
BOARD OF zONING ADJUSTMENT.
hMashington: January Il, 1943.---Notics Is
neTeDy gwen that public hearing will be
held BY the Board Of Zonins Adiusfmenf IN