The Waterbury Democrat., 1943-03-23

R CONGRESSIONAL JOKES
nna been reported that House
'AiIpa leaders intend 10 pick q
N nIpible.Wilted Congressional
no1lers, who would be IN
nt attendance during sessions
b mako clay-pleeoas Of these who
~ % spread emears across The
Cong. Record. IT'S about time. We
Nop8 their rapier-retorts will help
nI|ten proceedings. Congressional
hzsafy Is crowded with swift repair.
e.n6eing. Like some petty hue
mans to-day, q small-tlme polltlco
VINO once trying 10 make q name
fhF himself By picking on en- lme
Noftant Amorloan--who happened 10
81 5 senator. the human mosquito
annoyed the Senator for months,
who finally slapped him into OBJ
IlVlon with this story: "A skunk
once challenged a lion 10 q fight,
ina lien declined. When the skunk
asked loudly II he was afraid, the
lion said. Very much 80. For you
would enly gain fame by having the
honor 10 fight with q lion, while
everyone who met me for . month
would know that had been IN com.
pany with Q skunkP"
A lawznaker with q Sensayuma
once told this about himself, He
nent Q constituent q Cong, Record
with Q note stating that the Gov.
ognlnent prints and distributes
speeches made by Congressmen
without the slightest profit. tn e
voter returned the note with this
nip addition: "They are also read
che same way"l
Kzuoy Long was called o demagogue
after he concluded q teejus filibus.
Ter. Hooey foamed at the mouth,
daring his critic TO define the word.
Which his critic did. "A demagogue,
ne snapped, us q man who can
rock the boat himself and persuade
everybody that there's q terrible
STERN at sea-"
A. II. steven was a member Of the
senate before the Civil War. He
was Q very small man, standing less
than tive feet, and Weighing less
than eighty pounds 80 most Of Il
being brains. A huge fellow.Sena.
Tor, whom the sRwed.off Senator
had iETltated, once reared ut him;
~Why, could swallow you and
never know I'd eaten anythingl"
The vest.pocket statesman replied:
s'fn that case, you'd have more
brains In your belly than you ever
had Ia your headl"
Here are some Of the facts Of life
about Congress every citizen should
know Before times got too
serious for such levity, q group Of
legislators organized q "Dcma.
gogues" Club, which met daily In
the House cloakroom. After q Rep
Tesentative made q particularly
demagogic speech for home con.
Sumption, he was hailed into the
cloakroom and compelled TO make
the speech he would like TO have
made. Then he was asked 10 re-
peat the club pledge: "Vote for oil
appropriations and against all tax.
os," and indicted into full mem.
bership. The badge was safety
rim, worn under the coat lapel 4.
Some fun, Ell?
Then there's the one about the
Conggessman's wife who woke UP
A the middle Of the night. "Jim,"
she whispered, there's q robher In
the house" Her sleep-hefogged
hubby replied, That's impossible. In
the senate, yes, but In the House,
never"
This Is one Of the Congressional
: favOrikes House Speaker Tom
Reed has O barbed.wire tongue J.. /.
one day one Of the biggest bores
In Congress got up, drooled out q
lengthy diatrihe and concluded by
stating: mfr. Speaker, ! am like
Henry Clay. ! would rather be right
than PRESIDENT"
Reed merely intoned: Don't
worry-you will never be either"
During a Congressional debate o
Representative arose and shouted:
my father was q Democrat. my
grandfather was n Democrat, and I
won't vote anything except the
Democratic ticketi"
The opposition on the other side
Of the House answered; That's no
GRs.s ~ vm...s