Evening star., 1943-09-22

ians didn't shoot at Americans be-
fore the war. but they did everything
else they could think OF to ges the
better Of them.
The first chapter of my supple
meht will be titled 'Doughboy.
Count Your Dough-" 1t will be filled
with warnings against the happiest.
laughingest, arm-i1eartedest short
change artists who ever sang %
Sole Mio' in an of key.
The average italian cashier could
no more give an American tourist
his correct amount of change than
a Hatfield could send a wedding
present to a Mccoy bride. Pay
5o-cent bill with the equivalent Of
10-dollar bill and If the money
handler gives you more than eight
bucks back, you're not In Italy. At
the same time. If you count your Ira
and demand the proper change. the
Italian who has short-changed you
will go into gales of laughter. He
will shake all over as he gives you
what Is due you. Before you know
1t, you'll be laughing too and come
close to feeling sorry that what
papa had tucked aside for mama
and the bambino had to be handed
over.
Italian Cigarettes Terrible.
Don't smoke Italian cigarettes"
That is chapter No. 2. The English
cigarette is bad, - the French ciga-
rette is worse, the German one is
grade below the French, and the
italian cigarette-well, man could
roll himself one from ground rooster
combs and 1o-penny nails and do
lot better. One puff and the
average Americans lungs will Jump
straight from his chest, look the
owner in the eye, and demand,
What the hell is going on here?"
had my first Italian cigarette.
being too broke to buy anything
else, sitting at table in the Square
Of st. Mark in Venice. A couple OF
friendly pigeons waddled over and I
inadvertently blew puff Of Italian
cigarette smoke on them. They took
of on coughing motors, circled the
Doge's Palace three times and then
conked out completely to nose dive
down on the Bridge of Signs.
Chapter will be headed Don't
Get Sore If Italian Spaghetti Isn't
as Good as What You Get in
Restaurants at Home"
A Lot Of Spaghetti.
The Italians make lot of spa
ghetti. The clotheslines are filled
with it drying. But once they get it
made they don't know what to do
with it. I happen to be a great
spaghetti lover, and I searched all
around italy for some I could really
enjoy. Heaven knows I had 1t with
every meal, but it was not until I
| got back to New York and sat down
in one of those 50-cent spaghetti
joints dread, butter. dessert in
cluded) did I get any spaghetti that
tasted the way it really should.
Here's another tip for soldiers
travelling in Italy. When riding on
a train you might as we'll give up
the idea of objecting to Italians
eating grapes and putting the skins
down the back of your coat. This Is
a national characteristic. The Ital-
ians won't throw the skins out of
the window or on the floor. They
are too neat for that. AS they eat
each grape they take the skin and.
with a graceful gesture, drop 1t
down the collar of the tourist in
front of them. I took a 20O-n,ile
ride on an Italian train and came
out within whisper of being mis-
taken for vineyard. All 1 needed
was for some peasants to walk up
and down my back in their bare feet
to press out quarts of chianti.
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