Evening star., 1943-03-28
Etiquette in
Wartime
BY Emily Post

Bv mfIv 1OSt
An interesting problem is at
present confronting a newly en-
gagged girl who explains: Il want
to do the right thing even II 1t
means going more than half way;
but at the same time I don't want
to run the risk of being rebuffed.
The situation is this: Before John
left for Somewhere we became
engaged. We had known each
other several years but the war
situation did speed things up a
bit. I have never met his mother,
who lives in this town, and only
once by chance met his married
sister, at which time she was most
pleasant and said John was to
bring me to see her sometime. But
I never went. John has been
gone a month now and no gesture
has bee made by his family to
welcome me. I'm beginning to
feel that perhaps in the excite
ment of those last days he never
told them about our engagement.
Is there al, thing I can do or that
my family should do?"
What is more likely than Johns
having forgotten to tell his family
is that they are unaware OF the
rule of etiquette which eXacts
that they make the first gesture
to YOU. l write this because I have
known of so many mems mothers
who have no idea that they
should either 60 to see their son S
fancee or write her letter ask
ing her to come to see them.
Therefore since this rule is not
generally understood, my advice
is that your mother write to his
mother and say that as she un-
doubtedly knows John and you
have become engaged and won't
she come in for a cup Of tea
on Wednesday, or Thursday, or
whichever afternoon is Conven-
lent?
What might be called a
"natural suggestion for the buy
ing of War bonds and stamps is
found in the following letter:
MANY of my friends are marry
ing men in the Army and taking
small furnished apartments, some
of them even with other couples,
near to the bridegrooms station.
Id like to give wedding presents
to several of these brides, but
what are your suggestions for
presents?'
1t seems to me that unless you
know of some personal items that
they really want, the safe gift IS
certainly a War bond for big
present, or for a small gift, the
beginning of a War stamp book.
Dear Mrs. Post: I was married
before; my flance was not. He
is in the Army. If we have the
wedding here, he will not get
home to see his family and they
can't come to the wedding. If I
60 to their house for the wedding,
my mother will not be able to be
present. It's a riddle. Can you
solve it?
Answer-Weighing the facts as
you have given them, the balance
seems to be quite definitely on the
side Of your going to his family.
Dear Mrs Post: Will you please
tell us whether or not it is proper
for a girl who is marrying a
private in the Army of the United
States on his furlough. to have a
formal church wedding?
Answer: If by formal" you
mean bridal dress, bridesmaids
and all neighborS and friends in
vited to the church-and perhaps
to the house-this would be en-
tirely proper, if decorations and
refreshments were kept down to
very simple scale. On the
other hand, very elaborate floral
decorations and collation. at a
huge wedding reception might
seem to many out of keeping
with war time. The only diff
Guilty in having a big wedding
and sending out formal invita-
tons is one that I solved in this
column some time ago. This is to
have invitations engraved with
complete wording Gncluding
hour but not the date. Also have
all envelopes addressed and
stamped, so that March 81" can
be added by hand and envelopes
mailed at the last minute.
Dear Mrs. Post: When intro
ducing my fance who is cap
tain in the Army of the United
States. am l supposed to use his
title or not?
Answer: To strangers you say
"This is my fiance-(and add
after a slight pause)-Capt.
Adams" Or say Capt. Adams
my fiance." 1t doesn't matter
which way you say it. TIC your
own best friends you would of
course say, This is John Adams"
II they don't know the meaning
OF two silver bars on a uniform
by now. they ought to learn.