The Ely miner., 1942-10-08
GETTING YOUR OIL CARD

A.-Ch-h-che-ches- J-J-Jones.
Q.-Stop suffering please.
Aft you were as cold as I am
you'd stutter.
Q.-Nonsense. 1t isn't cold now.
A.-No, but I'm looking ahsadl
Q.-Have you an oil-burning fur
mace?
Alt all depends on you'll
Q.-How many rooms are there
in your house?
A.-Six rooms and nine baths.
Q.-Isn't that a slightly unbal-
anced layout?
A.-Not the way architects design
homes today.
Q.-Is your house insulated?
Al can't be sure. All know is
that paid the contractor to do it.
It's like the vitamins in spinach {.
you are told they are there but you
can't prove it.
Q.-How about storm windows?
A-I'n bite; how about 'em?
Q.-Have you had them put in?
Ayes, sir. know they're there
by the rattle.
Q.-Storm windows are no good if
they rattle.
A.-The carpenter who made them
thought I had ordered tent flaps.
And they're so thin he must have
been a manufacturer of paper caps
for milk bottles before he turned
carpenter.
Q.-Have you closed off any
rooms? ......
Alive closed off so many that
I find myself trapped in my own
home. My mother-in-law was miss
ing for three days before they found
/ had nailed her up in guest room.
Q.-Splendid. That's the way to
win a war.
A.-Not the war with my mother
in-law. ....,
Q.-How much oil did you burn
last winter.
A.-By the bills must have been
the largest consumer next to the
EInplTe SLdIe DullQlnS.
Q.-Do you agree that IS degrees
is warm enough for any home?
A.-MiSter, when the heat in my
house gets that low the whole fam
lily starts hunting for seals. If our
thermostat gets below 20 my wife
accuses me of trying to stage a re-
vival of Eliza crossing the ice.
Q.-Doesn't your wife want to win
this war?
Ayes, but not by dogsled.
| Q.-You'd better have a stern talk
with her and just set the heat at
IS as Washington suggests.
A.-No matter where I set it she
will shove it up to where her bridge
club wants it.
Q.-Would she defy Washington?
A.-Mister, when she gets uncom-
Portable in winter she will defy
Washington, Jefferson and Hamilton.
Q.-Here'S your ration book. And
you won't suffer from cold all win
ter. I can guarantee it.
Allow?
Q.-When you discover how little
oil you can get with it you are 60.
ing to feel plenty hot.
81 am well aware of the desirable
ity of continuing football games.
Through the cooperation of the pub
lie in refraining from travelling we
hope to assure conditions which will
make possible the continuance of
the events. u. B. Eastman.
You mean non-attended games,
Joe?
''The visibility isn't as bad just
now as it has been all afternoon,
but, as you know, am not permit
ted to say anything about the wealth
er as this track is so near the sea-"
Ted Husing at the races.
Nothing like keeping everything
completely dark.
PETAIN AND LAVAL
See the earth's most servile pair
Petain and Laval (Pierre)!
Mark them crush their fellows all
At Herr Hitler's beck and call!
Note the worlds top cringers we'll
Men who send their own to hell!
Frenchmen who by their decree
Send their own to slavery!
Sign on a movie theater: "Some-
where I'll Find You Plus Shorts"
RHYMES FOR THE JUNK DRIVE
If you fail to turn in scrap
You're a buddy of the Jap.
A patriot who is a punk:
He cheers the flag and keeps his
This guy for any bid I'll settle:
He won't take time to hunt old
metal.
RUBBER CZAR
He gets things done, does Big
Bill Jeffers,
| tuu tudt uO ulSu VI udSSCu-
pfeffers.
Washington has ruled that IS de-
grees will be warm enough in New
England homes this winter. Well,
there is one spot that can take it.
To anybody born and raised in New
England getting back to IS degrees
will be about as great a sacrifice as
having to give up one ice foe to
move to another.
Leon Henderson appeals to the ma.
ton to walk. Well, if we don't dc
more on our feet in this gas and
rubber crisis we will wind up on