Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1942-05-28
The End OF Two
Tails, Etc.
BY o. NJ. Thomson,
Willernie, MINI.

Here's my little sermon to the
dear oldsters who argue and pull
hair and whiskers over "How the
government should raise the money
to pay old age pensions"
Heads or Tails: Once upon time
a farmer had two old rams, which
were forever bent on butting heads
every time they met. The farmer
decided to let 'em butt it out-in-
Guiding their brains. He put the two
buffers in the same lot and told
'em to 60 to it. At it they went
After supper he went out to see
how they were doing. They were
doing fine. Both heads were butted
off down to the necks. The farmer
went back to smoke another pipe
of peace. Just before going to bed
he went out to take another look
The rams were still going strong.
Both necks were battered off down
to the shoulders. The farmer went
to bed and to pleasant dreams.
Next morning he went out to
take a look. All that was left of
the rams were two tails, jumping
up at each other like pair of tired
young ROSTERS. The old man tied
the two tails together and slung 'em
over the clothes line. After break
fast he went out and found the line
melted in two and nothing left of
the tails but a bad odor.
And that was the end of the two
tails.
A Piece of Meat: Two "sour-
doughs," after prospecting until half
starved, found a small nugget of
gold. With the gold they bought
piece of meat and prepared to eat.
The question came up as to how to
cook it. One said braise it. The
other said broil it. One said you're
fool. The other said you're
a-nuther. One threw the frying pan
at the other and the meat fell to the
floor. They lunged at each other,
locked horns" scrambled out into
the yard and went round and
around. Finally one got the other
down. ct doesn't matter which was
which-both were DOWN, and made
him agree to cook it my way"
They re-entered the cabin-and
found the sensible doggie licking his
chops. The meat was gone.
Scissors and Shears: The old wom-
an said to the old man, hand me the
scissors. The old man said, you
mean the shears. No, said the old
woman, mean the scissors. They
amt scissors, said the old man,
they're shears. The old woman
threw her snuff box at the old man.
The old man threw his pipe at the
old woman-and broke the looking
glass. The old woman yelled scis-
sors. The old man yelled shears.
The old woman dived for the old
man, who ducked and fell over the
footstool. The old woman bounced
upon him.
Over and over they went across
the floor, out of the door and down
the steps kerbump, kerflump. Scis-
sors, screeched the old woman.
Shears, growled the old man. Over
and over they rolled across the yard,
through the gate and down the bank
towards the creek. Scissors, NUT
tered the old woman. Shears, painted
the old man.
Ker-splash they both went into
the deep water-and sank. Then
both came to the surface, gasping
for air. The old woman spluttered
scissors. The old man splattered,
shears. Down they went again, bub-
BILE, bubble. When they came up
again both were unable to say any,
thing, but the old woman held up
her hand and worked two fingers
like scissors blades. The old man
worked two fingers like shears
blades. Both worked exactly alike
for both were the same. Then
they both sank for the third and
last time-glub, Club. A bullfrog
on the bank said, croak, croak. They
both croaked.
Moral: We oldsters think we've
got good heads-and We have. But
the hairs getting thin and what
there is is white. Not only the few
remaining hairs but also the poor
old heads will soon be laid to rest
Then will be over all our butting
like the rams, all our pummelling
while the dog eats the meat, all oul
rolling into the creek and saying