Evening star., 1942-07-29

This interested
Henry MeI~mers. me no little.
being as I am a city dweller for seven
or eight months of the year, and am
not very eager to go to my reward,
having a suspicion OF what 1t Is
going to be--pitchforks and cloven
hooves at 20 PAGES. -
So I asked my statistical friend
to explain. He did, and very briefly.
This is why the city dweller will
live longer and happier" he said.
Because Of the shortage of gaso>
line and rubber he will not be able
to make weekend visits to his
friends who live In the country. He
will have to stay In the city where
he belongs, and miss exposure to
the healthful horrors of the wide
open spaces" y"
ss
This is being written while I am
spending a week end with friend
who lives in the country, and the
insurance statistician is right, al-
though I believe he is a conserva-
tive, and that the city dweller viii
add Is to 20 years to his life ex-
pectancy by staying In town. ,1
Let me list few Of the dangers
that the country throws In the path
Of the man from the city.
There is the confounded silence
for one thing. When a man haS
become accustomed to the sweet cry
OF the taxi. the challenging roar Of
the subway, the haunting rumble
Of the elevated. and the gay bark
of the drunk homeward bound from
the night club, he misses them. The
country has nothing to offer in their
stead, save the songs of few birds,
who never sing anything you know
and can join In. and the unmelodi-
Gus sound OF katydids rubbing their
knees together. -
q
The country always is quiet save
at one time. That is very early in
the morning. Then all OF natures
adorable little creatures gather OUT
side the visitors window and give
oil symphony that would disturb
q Thoreau, even. We city dwellers
have our birds. but they are polite.
knowing and understanding. Liv-
ing just outside my bedroom win
dow In New York is an English
sparrow with lovely soprano voice.
But he never sings while we are
asleep. He looks in. and If our
faces are still buried in the pillow,
he says those folks have had hard
night and I'll keep my bird trap
shut until they are up and about.
To spend night in q country
home is to have things drop of
the ceiling onto your back while
you try to sleep. Only q scientist
can name these fuzzy little fellows
who lose their grip just as you are
drifting of, and land lightly on the
neck, shoulders and back. Every
country home should have q sort
Of staf John Kieran to pick them
of Of q sleeper and identity them.
One landed on me last night that
had IL legs, four sets Of eyes, a pair
OF luminous fangs and tail that
switched. I showed 1t to my host
in the morning and he said 1t was
harmless little fellow that was
nice to have around-ate mosqui-
toes, he said.
A visitor to the country nearly
always smothers to death from the
heat. The country host invariably
greets his guests with this:
I'VE are right. smack In the woods.
You'll never know there is heat
wave when you stay here"
Usually the country home Is 50
thick in the woods that a breath
OF air couldn't reach the place ex-
cept by parcel post. What little
air is available the trees and bushes
use up to keep themselves alive.
Country home hosts have an un-
written law that nothing but food
raised right on the place will BE-
served city visitors. They consider
it treat for city folk to eat home-
grown food. even though it was
raised right on barren ground and
by gardener who missed his CALI
ing In the first place, and should
have been = furniture upholsterer
in Lansing.
Then there is the problem Of
what to send the host and hostess
after you have returned to the
city. have always been tempted
to send them a trick shotgun that
fired through the stock instead Of
the barrel. 81
What are your ideas on the proper
gift on such occasions? Send your
answers to me. care OF Harold Ickes.