The Waterbury Democrat., 1942-04-28
Walter WInchen
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4 on Bataan Peninsula, as this story. Just arrived, reveals. Tn the carly days of tho campaign, MacArthur summoned an engineer and asked: How long will 1t take to throw e bridge across this stream?"
 Three days" was the reply.
 "0ood," snapped MacArthur, Have your draughtsnen make drawing right away"
 Three days later, the General sent for the engineer and asked how the bridge was coming.
 "Its all ready" was the answer. You can send your men across now if you don't have to walt for them pictures. They amt done yeti"
 Quleteso, QuletsO: Henny Young mon says when he thinks how some Congressmen abuse the privilege of free speech, he can understand Lew AXres' refusal to fight for 1t.
 Amt Tt So? And Alan Gale says there's one thing about those asso- lationist legislators who inserted pro-Axis propaganda intot he Con- gressional Record,
 They can't destroy the evidence against theml
 In MoOre's the other dInner-tlme Eddie Cantor, Lou Holtz and Chico Marx were wondering about Ben Bernie. Are things oil right9" one Of Us queried.
 Don't worry about Bernie" said an eavesdropper. T happen to know that whether he works or not, he has an income of s22,000 . year."
 "1s that enough = the way he bets2" asked Chicago.
 "Those who'll suffer-" gagged . wag, twill be his relatives"
 MOOre's never puts c glass Of wa- ter on your table. Because: That's no way to sell beerl"
 An impatient on dthirsty patron complained: "Heyl Whats man gotta do to get 0 glass of water in thiS placeY
 "start Q fire" was the reply.
 Jerry Cooper would have you bee lleve Q drunk pulled this spiel on Sand Street as he approached pass- ersby for o drink.
 Warden me, Pister,
 I'm under the affluence of
 lncOh0l
 I fool so fecllsh
 Some thlnkle peep I'm drunk
 Do you?
 This k the one about the strip teaser who had Q Vassar pennant on her undressing room wall, q collection of Toscanini records and an original Please. As she sat there being interviewed 0n her birthday ciothes) the newsmen asked for an explanation.
 Well" she well'd, T graduated from Vassar. My father got the Toscanini recording from Q music critic friend, and l got the Picasso on my last trip with him to Paris"
 "But don't understand" al. most wept the reporter. How did you ever happend to get into this naked business7"
 "oh," she shrugged, "Just luck" From Variety. "Only three pic. lures. have played five-week en. agreements at the Music Hall before Reap the Wild Wind They were Snow White,' 'Rebecca,' 'Phila. Story and Woman of the Year"
 Isn't show business bad enough without arithmetic like that9
 Harry Hopkins Is supposed to have asked Q Soviet big-shot: How iS 1t you purged SO many denerals-yet you're doing 70 well7"
 "In Russia" was the answer, i've executed the Fifth Columnists. Tn France they. put them in the Cabi- netl"
 And over here they get on the staff of the hate sheets.
 John Gunther, the commentator war correspondent, was interview ing the head of c govt bureau, who was complaining about he con- fusion, red-tape, etc.
 "What do you really think Of Washington7" 0unther asked.
 T think" he said, It is an insane  "oh, come now" dunther ribbed,