davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
Poor Ground Gamer
Kick on First Down
Army Mules Rule
By ARTHUR BUGS" BAER

In Missouri the mule is Mountain Canary the Mexicans
label him Pinto and the Negro folks call him Chckasaw.
He to of these names. You yell at a
mule whip him and whistle at him for hours But he
% for music.
The mule sleep standing up lying down leaning.
the tractor He is not temperamenta, if handled properly
and with dignity which gives him about the social rating
a broken-down prima donna.
The mule has been honord song and story and nature
has endowed him with the vocal apparatus that he
attend to the matter personally.
When mule bends his back, opens his mouth and
starts paging something that isn't there's you hear him
at distance that would turn postage stamp purple
A mule is stubborn but he isn't dumb. He eats
himself founder drinks himself into the heaves. He
works when he feels like it and sleeps at will.
The screwba farmer who builds fire under balky mule
cold day is just giving that mule extra janitor service
The the mule baked is that he knew the fool
weedbender would start comfortable fire under him. 1t
all the comforts of home without having pay
Your genuine army mule isn't much concerned with gan-
ing ground He kicks the first down. And there is no
record of anybody running back kick
After got the boots they to hospital and put
mustard poultice my stomach asked them whether
they thought the shoe was in there The surgeon sad
"No, but trying to draw out the nails"
After that they fed me through quill and ate Like
canary except for the cuttle-bone.
During my isolated convalesence wrote How to Curry
al Army Mule in 10 Easy Lessons One Hard One"
That is still regulation for mule militia in the army.
Copyright is47.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
By Henry McLemOre

camps. He wants them TO forage
for a bite of food.
He wants their e n e m les to
shove them around, push them
in the face. and generally show
them that they are not superior,
invincible souls, but just as help
less under a conqueror's heel as
were the men and women they
conquered when the tide was
running their way.
MOT once, but a dozen times I
~ have heard Americans ex-
press the wish that the Italians
be given all the Jumps. Can you
blame them? Do you remember
Mussolini's high and mighty
declaration of war on France?
The stab in the back" speech.
Hundreds of thousands of
Italians cheered themselves
hoarse as he sent his Fascists
against a helpless nation. They
sang and laughed and shouted
as Benito spoke of the might of
the Italian fighters.
Now there is the chance that
Italy will try 10 make peace.
It's getting tough. The day
when United Nations bombers
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
On the Side

We may live without poetry,
music and art;
We may lipe Without conscience,
and liUe without heart.
We may liue Without friends;
zoe may live without books,
But civilized man cannot live
without cooks.
-Bulwer-Lytton.
(The United States cities hav-
Ing the best cooks in the order
named are: New York. q
San Francisco. Baltimore.
a New Orleans. s. Boston.
6-Philadelphia, -EVD)
ONE of the finest animal hos
" pitfalls in the world is that
operated by the San Francisco
Society for the Prevention of
Cruelty TO Animals. visited
this place and was interested
in an exhibit of things which
dogs and cats had swallowed
and which had been removed by
veterinarians. There were about
20 needles and one fishhook
which had been swallowed by
cats.
Evidently swallowing needles
Is chiefly a cat habit as no
needles had been removed from
the interiors of dogs. However,
there was on exhibit a large
stone about the size of an APP
pie that had been swallowed
by a 14-pound wire-haired ter
rier.
There was also large rubber
ball which had been swallowed
by small dog and a half dollar
which another pup had tried to
consume.
before Pearl Harbor the
- San Francisco japanese coll
ony, known as Little Osaka,
had about 1000 residents.
Among, these were number of
Japs posing as Buddhist priests
who in reality were spies and
members Of the japanese secret
service.
The San Francisco earthquake
of 1906 lasted only as seconds.
1t was the resultant fire that
ruined the city. The reason the
fire did so much damage was
because 80 per cent of the city's
buildings were frame.
San Francisco has an organ
iZation known as the Career
Woman's Club. Seems every
city should have a club like that
and also have a home managers
club. At the latter the home
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
Let's Give Axis
the Works

will give IL the same treatment
il gave Ethiopia is not far off,
so Italy is looking for a way
out.
There are lots of Americans
who want Italy to get the works
before it is allowed TO make
peace. ! am one of them. /
want to see bombers tear their
towns apart, naval guns knock
hell out of everything in their
reach, and the whole country
Inundated.
Nuts to this talk of how the
italian people didn't want this
war, and how they are the VIC
tins of few leaders. That isn't
true. II the Italians had main
tanned their early pace, were
today riding high, wide and
handsome. they would be hard,
nasty and unyielding. Having
dished il out, let them take ii.
Sure. let them come over on
our side II they want TO. but be-
fore allowing them 10 come
over, let's beat a little sense into
their heads with fire and flame.
THE same is true OF Germany.
Il You can bet that as Ger
many starts slipping you'll read
more and more of how the great
majority of the German people
never did like nazism. Pooh!
Let 'em have il. Give them
what they gave Holland and Po-
and and Greece and Norway and
all the rest.
Let bombers come in roof-top
high and drop everything but
the compass. Bust 'em, burn
'em. starve 'em and beat 'em
down. For every city they
ruined, ruin one of theirs.
Let their mothers and fathers
know the horror of about war;
fare. Drop pamphlets saying,
"Okay, you had your inning, now
we'll have ours"
My suggestion for the man to
take charge when the United
Nations really get the upper
hand, when it becomes obvious
that the Axis is on the wane, is
Josef Stain.
He Is the master Of the rough
work. He is the man who knows
more about making it miserable
for the other fellow than any
other. Let him get in his ticks
before the likes of Henry Wal
, lace are a,llowed to come in
spreading sweetness and light.
This sounds brutal, you say.
Sure it's brutal. But, you're
dealing with brutal folk. You
don't tame a panther by making
him member of the Union Club
and giving him spending money.
Coventry should be avenged. So
should Lidice. So should Athens.
So should Pearl Harbor. N
We handled the Huns with kid
gloves after World War /. That
didn't work. Let's not let them
quit the day they know they are
licked. Let's lick them until
they know that il isn't wise to
pick on decent people.
In short, let's knock their
brains out this time.
Distributed b. MeNsught syndiests, Inc
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19

glamour gal show at Mon Paree.
Pool rooms in midtown are
next on the raiding list because
Of card playing in them.
The Friars Club, they say, Is
out of the red for the first time
in years.
1t. Col. Joseph Phillips, an
Eisenhower aide in North Africa
(he's a NewSweek editor on
leave Of absence), cabled his
adored, Jean Dalrymple:
This Is the berries"
Jerry Lester of Beat the
Band" will double at the Royal
Casino.
The Mirror and PM composing
rooms now have this sign:
Praise the Lord and Make
the First Edition."
NEW YORK Novelette,: They
~ tell il around town and al
lege ii happened 10 a prominent
Park avenue physician.
A little old lady, i'll many
months-was recommended by a
mutual friend.
She was finally dismissed as
cured recently.
When she came TO thank him
she said his services were so
great she knew she could never
pay him fully.
And So" she added. 81 trust
you will accept as a token from
me this purse which i myself
embroidered"
The doc coldly told her, in
effect. that the fees OF a doctor
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
BY Damon Runyon

past observation the disposition
of those who did not serve to
push the heroes aside, once there
is no longer any dire need for
them.
I BELIEVE the pay continu-
l. ance is all the more impor-
tant because of the slightly
spawned, wind-broken, middle
aged guys who are being taken
into the service. Most of those
of 40 to. As have had their whole
structure of life wiped out over
night and they are going to be
in sad case after the war If they
are left without means and with
out hope of the future.
Fellows of that type are going
to find the competition of youth
fiercer than ever before. They
are going to be old and tired and
mentally depressed and they will
require plenty of assistance.
In addressing you on the sub
ject of these middle-aged men.
as I have frequently done of
late, want you to understand
that my only point is their fulfil
ity as soldiers. except perhaps
for noncombatant duty here at
home. The military authorities
and the service hospitals records
confirm this futility although
the draft boards in some places
continue taking the lame and
the halt and the half-blind.
If guys of 40 to As were worth
as much as a counterfeit dime
as fighting men, I would say
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
San Francisco
COlOrfuI, Romantic

Jack London Is often referred
10 as a San Franciscan, but he
began his writing career In Oak.
land. London, who was q self.
educated man, wrote 43 books
in Is years. / think the best OF
the 43 were The Sea Wolf ana
The Call OF the Wild"
The little thin hot cake
originated in San Francisco. In
one eatery a single order con-
sists of Is hot cakes.
After the 1906 earthquake
and fire, insurance companies
paid SITS, 00O, 900 to policyhold-
ers. United States and British
insurance firms paid promptly,
but the German firms didn't
make good.
San Francisco stenographers
are referred TO as "the most
beautiful working girls in the
world"
MOTE IL said the largest set
~ Element of Chinese outside
China Is that Of San Franciscos
Chinatown. This is not correct.
The largest is the Chinese settle
ment in Singapore. San Fran
cisco's Chinatown is the second
largest.
The old Portola-Louvre cafe
here had the reputation OF being
the worlds noisiest restaurant.
OF IL somebody said:
at took the rest out OF restaus
rant and put the din I'm dinner"
The skill with which / hop on
and stick to crowded running
boards on cable cars makes OBJ
servers think / am a native OK
San Francisco. This skill Is due
to my early training in hopping
and riding on the running boards
of Brooklyn trolley cars.
The fish caught in greatest
numbers by San Francisco's pro-
fessional fishermen is the sars
dine. After that the crab.
As far is / know San Fran.
cisco is the only major city now
having a night club which has .
floor show made up entirely OF
female impersonators.
Ex-President Herbert Hoover
was one of the first students to
attend Leland Stanford Jr. Uni.
versity. That brilliant ACTOR
Holbrook Blinn, was one pf Mr..
Hoovers classmates.
What an actor Blinri WAS! I
liked him hest In Tbs Bad
Man" and The Plays the
Thing" - q -----.---''----SS ~ -
Copyright 1s4a. b. ing ys.surss
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
Nelson Sheds
I6 Pounds

must be paid In legal tender
not merely in gratitude.
"Presents," he said, maintain
frieudship--they do not MAIN
tain . family"
"what 10 your fee:" she
asked him.
Two hundred dollars" he
said.
She opened the purse. ex-
tracted five 500 bills-handed
him two-put back three-and
then walked out.
BROADWAY ticker: Jimmy
- Dorsey bought Dick Pow
ellis manse at Toluca Lake.
Then was signed by MGM at
Culver City IS miles away. His
gas rationing permits only six
miles daily.
Abe Lyman leaves for Holly
wood to connect with a studio.
Veloz & Yolanda expect to fly
TO Pearl Harbor for the Dec. z
show there.
Squawks from men in uni
form that a certain canteen
seldom gets the name" show
folks IL once attracted.
Harry TONNES, in the mr..
Sycamore" cast, quit his job as
stage doorman for the role.
Lorna Farrell, editor Of
Woman Magazine, shortwaves
in German to the women of
Germany.
Jolson Is half owner of the
Hampshire House on the out
skirts of Miami Beach.
His partner is Walter Jacobs,
whose Lord Tarleton Hotel en-
listed in the army.
DIGTOWN Smalltalk: Eileen
- O'Neill, ex-vocalist with II.
James, and Pvt. Harvey Prael
OF the Army Show have been
secretly sealed for seven weeks.
At the Picture Pioneers affair
at the Waldorf Scrolls of Honor
were awarded to persons who
have done most for wartime ac-
tivities this year"
Jolson again picked handful
of winners at Belmont before
the judges did.
f. Lubitsch and Mary Anita
LooS are yak-yak.
Herr J. Ramps new pamphlet
called Strictly CONFIDENTIAL
From the Secret Files of the
FBT'-may be found on page
1852 of the Sept. "a Cong.
Record.
Bottle Clubs are popping up
everywhere to take the place OF
the old speaks. Membership
cards and you leave your own
bottle Of hooch on the premises
open all night, etc.
Copyright BY Daily Mirror, Ina.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19

E>ACES About Town: Madame
l. Litvinov, the Soviet Ambas-
sador's chomming lady-lifting
Stork Club eyebrows with her
Broadway and Hollywood SLAM
guage.
"Cost me 'ahf a buck" she
remarked as a New York his
torian swooned.
Don Nelson. s h e d ding is
pounds (per physicians orders)
at a New York hospital-and
keeping his confinement there
such a secret.
He's back at the Capital now.
Greta Carlo slipping carrot
juice at a 57th street health
bar"
Milton Berle and his beautiful
wife, Joyce Mathews. back In
our dimout.
Grace Moore, tanned but not
more beautiful because OF IL, in
Reuben's-while the wolves
pant.
Dolores Del Rio and Lily Da-
mita staying up until almost
midnight two nights in a row.
Lucilla Mendez, the colyum's
favorite brunei in the Ziegfeld
era-and today-in the Savoy
Plaza foyer.
Sad Sight: Joe Frisco. once
great headliner at $1,000 q
week ION the Ziegfeld Roof.
peering through the Club Is
win dow lfrom the sidewalk)
every showtime.
They divorce and then
barred him from there last week.
CALLIES in Our Alley; The
~ other evening Brig. Gen.
John Denig Of the marine corps
was among the spectators at
Monte Proser's Copacabana.
"Ah," ah'd Jack Diamond.
"from the halls of Montezuma to
the halls Of Monte Proserw
MIDTOWN Vignette: Swiftly
1VA Morgan. one OF Broadway's
Prodigal Sons, rushed up TO a
bookie and placed s. on a 20 to l
shot.
He won the wager.
When the bookie handed him
his winnings, Swiftly counted
every dollar.
whats the matter: ?" asked
the bookie. Afraid I'll gyp
you:"
NO" was the reply. II just
wanna make sure you didn't
gimme the FLYER l gave you."
MEMOS Of Midnighter:
Nl There was a terrific fight
at FL Morocco the other night.
Between two dolls-hairpulling
and shrieking. etc.
Adelaide Moffett heads the
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
by Il. v. DurIing-
Distributed by King Features Syndicate, Inc.

managers could gather and SYM
pathize with each other regard
ing the difficulties of house,
work and perhaps exchange
ideas on household efficiency.
No taxicabs TO the race track
or football games is a rule in
SAM Francisco which is strictly
observed. This is in direct con-
trast to New York, where hum
dreds of taxicabs can be seen
parked about the race courses.
In San Franchises Little
italy, the birthplace of Joe Di-
Maggie. there are $4,000 resi-
dents of Italian birth or descent.
Back in the seventies when a.
recent arrival from China saw a
cable car it is alleged he OBJ
served admiringly:
mo pushee, no pullee, no
horsee, no steamee. Mclean
man heap smart"
ITO ENABLE Bret Harte to
L earn his living expenses
while struggling for recognition
as a writer he was given an
easy pob in the San Francisco
mint. AS soon as Harte achieved
national fame as a writer he
deserted San Francisco and
went to Boston and later to
Europe to live. For this in
gratitude many San Franciscans
have never forgiven Harte.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
The On|ooker

THE leaders OF the United
u Nations would make a lot of
us happy if they came out with
a fat statement saying that
beforeaany names are placed on
peace treaties. the aggressor
nations will take sound beat
ing.
There is a feeling in this coun-
try--and i speak as a man who
hits the 4S states fairly regu-
larly--that the United Nations
will make a much too gentle
peace. There is a feeling that
once the Axis powers sue for
peace they will be treated as
honest members of the human
race, and accorded all the nice
ties of international diplomacy.
The average citizen in this
country doesn't want that to
happen. He wants the Italians.
the Germans. the Japs and all
Of the other creatures who threw
in their lot with the Axis, 10 get
the full and complete treatment.
He wants their houses knocked
In over their heads. He wants
them TO get the concentration
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
Cancel Income Tax
of Service Men

send them all into the lines
Immediately and spare the kids.
If only on the ground that the
oldies have lived and had their
share, In most cases, Of the
pleasures of life, while the kids
have not had a chance to see
anything or do anything.
I WOULD say that with only q
L little while to 60 at best, the
least the men of 40 to As could
do for their country would be to
suffer and If need be die, that
the kids might live.
1 realize full well that the
latter are worth more to the
future than the old fellows. I
think we could easily spare =
dozen middle-aged men to every
youth Of Is or 10 for almost
any purpose.
But unfortunately, the way
life is geared, the middle years
take a physical toll Of men that
renders them useless for heavy
military service in war.
The spirit of anguish cries out
In parents against the taking Of
their boys just a little removed
from childhood and sending them
into battle and some say let the
old men 60 first.
would applaud the sentiment,
only know IL will not do. You
cannot win wars with men who
are unable to stand up physically
under the grind of service and
we must win this war.
Copyright, 1912. by King Features
Distributed by International News Services
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19

opposite sides Of a sand pile.
They are playing, but not
playing together.
At a they play together, even
in groups. but only for a few
minutes at a time.
Then they rest, do something
by themselves, but are soon
ready at some ones suggestion
to start a new game.
Children's relations with
adults depend more on the adults
than they do on the children.
A very bad behavior sign Is
the development Of negativism
the child who says mo" to
everything--to requests to wash
his hands, to eat dinner, to get
undressed for bed.
variant of it is the '1'H do
il in a minute"
A normal child Is independent
does necessary duties without
being told. but has little mega
tiviSrn.
I ANGUAGE development is
- very variable and hardly any
standard for what is normal can
be set up.
1t is quite well established
from many child psychologists
studies that girls are more adj
vanced in speech than boys.
Also that environmental influ-
ences have a great deal to do
with speech development.
The number of different places
a child has been, the kind of
speech he hears at home, the va
riety of the things he does-all
influence language development.
The ages of 2, 3 and a are
those during which his speech
develops and he learns that Ian
guage is a tool to get him what
he needs.
Nor does language develop
ment stop just when a child
ceases baby talk and begins to
make sentences.
You, my adult friend, have
stopped dead in your develop
ment unless you have learned to
use at least one new word a
month-no matter how old you
are.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19

LIE WILL feed himself,
H clumsily and spilling a good
deal, but managing 10 get quite
a lot into the mouth.
He may tire from the effort in
the middle of the meal and
have to be helped in order to
get all he should have.
Toilet training should begin
TO bring results at about the
age of 2.
Parents, as a rule. expect too
much of children about this.
They should not make an
issue Of it at any time nor in
fiict punishments.
The average 1S-month child
cannot be expected TO take much
responsibility.
1t is up TO the mother TO
see that he gets 10 the toilet
in time.
He will have many accidents,
but by Is months should have
a hazy idea Of what is ex-
pected of him.
From then on the normal
child learns rapidly.
BY four years, however. any
child should take full respon-
sibility for his toilet needs.
SOCIAL contacts and co-opera-
~ ton are of slow growth.
The 2-year-old plays by him.
self.
You see two 2-Vear-olds ON
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
Broadway
by Walter WincheII

Trade Marx Registered. Copyright. is4a
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
The Brighter Side

7 IMAGINE that the first bonus
- that will be given the service
men of this war when peace
comes, is the cancellation of any
income tax that may have ac-
crued against them while in the
army or navy.
They are supposed to settle
this obligation six months after
the war, but il seems to me
somewhat unlikely that any con-
siderable number of them will
be in a position to do so, and
the cancellation of the debt
would be a nice, If not absolute
necessary gesture on the part
of the government.
My readers know how I feel
about the service men-that
nothing is too good for them
now and after the war. In fact,
my chief concern for them is
after the war. I know how
quickly the public forgets and it
is my opinion that any plans for
providing for the veterans should
be fixed now and made obliga-
tory instead of waiting until it
is all over when the public will
want to dismiss them from mind.
That is why I have been agi-
tating the continuance of the
pay of the service men for a
year after their discharge, un-
less, in the meantime, they Sc
cure jobs. If I seem premature
in this matter in view of the
fact that peace seems a long
way off at the moment, it is
only because I realize through
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-19
Better Health
BY DIR. Logan CIendening

THE 2-year-old baby has adj
l. vanced quite a way along
the road of life.
1t began as a little animal
that could not even roll over
or raise It's head. and can now
stand and walk alone, grasp OBJ
jects. do things-not very pur-
posefully-with its hands; it
can see and focus, and has
learned to coordinate the move
ments of both eyes; it can hear.
tell what direction a sound is
coming from, and even knows
the significance of a few sounds.
Eating training at two years
old should have progressed to
the place where the baby comes
TO the table hungry.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-12-26
Prepare Cans
For War

IF WE are 10 win this war. we
must all pull together And let's
remember that the sacrifices we
at home can make are pitifully
small in comparison with those
made by our fighting men.
One sacrifice We can all make.
though. IS the sacrifice Of the
time II will take 10 prepare tin
cans for salvage.
Remember that tin is vitally
needed for the manufacture Of
weapons Vitally needed by
our fighting men.
Remember that surveys show
our last tin can collecting re-
suited in the salvage of only
onc-half of the available tin
cans so let's prepare our
used tin cans from time 10 time,
by removing their labels, by
washing and nattcning them -.
50 than when the next tin can
collection january Us occurs,
each family viii be able 10 con-
Atribute all the tin cans they've
used.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-12-26
In Mayfair
WITH
N The CbabcroH

MILDRED MADEL t.
home from Goucher College
in Baltimore 10 spend the
holidays with her parents &.
Mr.. and Mrs. Frederick D.
Madel -. OF Oxford road !. /.
Will give a small luncheon
Wednesday in her home
-. Guests will be old school
friends and among them will be
-. Patricia Talbot :. Martha
Jane Berry Betty Skim.
min -. Jane Howarth {.
Carolyn baut... Mrs.
Ralph Alien -. and several
others -.
Mildred is one Of the editors
Of her school annual
"Donneybrook Fair -.
II er Christmas holidays
began December II . and
she must be back in school
again January 5 -.