Evening star., 1942-04-14

IA Z II u u II Y
gray hair, wrinkles and sharpness
OF temper Of the average American
businessman was acquired while he
was enjoying" himself being q
failure at trying to knock a rubber
ball into a cup with clubs, which,
as some one once said, were COM
pletely unsuited for the task"
The club manufacturers have been
drafted for the duration and will
turn their machines to the building
Of implements of war. 1t is safe
to say that if the war stuff they
build in the future causes as much
unhappiness to the enemy as the
clubs they formerly built brought
to the Americans who swung them,
the war will end much sooner than
is now predicted by the most opti-
mistic strategist
Think of the grief and misery
that the common putter has caused
throughout the years 1t has made
enemies Of friends. It has caused
strong men to fall to the ground
as If stricken. 1t has sent wives
running home to parents with Ed
gar Allan Poeish tales of horror.
1t has driven men to the edge OF
bankruptcy and made them 60 as
far as to look up the word "ab-
scond" In the dictionary. 1t is a
blood cousin to the thumb screw
and can look the rack in the eye
without giving ground.
The putter, mind you. is just one
of the score OF clubs that manu-
facturers have been ordered to quit
making. For every misdeed that
the putter has caused, the No. l to
No. 10, inclusive, irons have a mis-
deed to match it, and only Sax
Rohmer's pen is sufficiently gifted
to portray the horrors wrought by
the driver, brassie, spoon and No.
wood.
Those of us who play golf know
that it Is game that was never
designed to bring happiness to the
player. One has only to look at
golf course to know that. 1t is
usually lined with jungles that
Frank Buck would not brave with
out snake kit in one hand, a spear
in the other, and dotted with Sa-
hara like wastes fit only for a mem
Der of the Foreign Legion or camel
who was tired of living.
For years millions of Americans
have been plunging into these
hazards under the impression that
they were having fun. We paid
Initiation fees and dues in order to
suffer ordeals scarcely less rigorous
than those Stanley underwent in
his search for DR.. Livingstone, who.
by the way. probably was looking
for a slice in the rough when he
got lost.
There is one drawback to the cur
tailment of the manufacture of golf
clubs, however, and 1t affects our
national preparedness. So long as
every duffer golfer had a sufficient
supply of clubs, this country was
equipped with the finest, ready
made "scorched earth policy" army
in the world.
No group of men can so spoil a
plot of ground as quickly and
efficiently as group of golfers
whose scores run between 100 and
$50. Turn them loose on Mother
Earth and they can make her yell
uncle" in record time.
1t might even be a good idea for
the Army to form a corps of buffers
who would travel anywhere in the
world and lay waste to land threat
ened by the enemy. This would
pot take any young men from the
fighting services because the best
ground destroyers in golf are the
elderly gentlemen, too old for the
draft and active service.
The prime age is about 68. Take
a man of this age and give him
a No. 2 iron and he works wonders
OF destruction. With every whack
he will take up a diyot that could
pass for an adult armadillo.
I was in sand trap on the four
teenth hole when news of the w.
P. BIS action reached me. AS a
man who has given the best years
of his life trying to break 100, r
sank to the sand and wept tears
Of Joy.
Distributed By McNaught Syndicate, Inch