davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
1917 Gag Comes Back
Soldier Gains Weight:
4 Pounds Of Vaccine
"Reminiscences Of the 1corld's worst SOLDIER
BY ARTHUR BUGS BAER

"reminiscences Of the ,corldS 1CorSt Sodier)
BY ARTHUR BUGS" BAER
One of the popular gags present war is about the
soldier who gained 90 pounds
1t was all marching equipment
The gag was popular in 1918 when I that had
gained IA pounds in first day in the army Twelve shoes
and two, vaccine
guess 1t was funny in the Civil War. Maybe il even
goes back to the days when soldiers didn't all
talk about is not the ID pounds of shoes but pounds
of vaccine
The minute showed up in the infrmary they plugged
you as watermelon. vaccinated for
thing you could think of except increase in pay.
That % years And if bug Jumped today
he would curl up like gummed label.
I'm aniseptic l could float face down through the
sewers of Paris and out with schoolgirl complexion
BY the time they had stopped shooting arm
they could have used eyebrows defenses
couldn't get typhoid, epizooticrum tonsillis pro-
noted smonized nonransferable Kindred and all
dues paid up
could drink sheep dip through water straw sleep
In swamp without mosquito netting and
coones maiden
couldn't get malaria the jeebes affirmative palsy or
box-cars in dice.
Until vaccnated they drop chlorine in the
cisterns and wells / told them:
"Why waste the chlorine that way? I'll drink unduted"
And did \-)NA
had so much vaccine in that my shoelaces hummed
like telegraph wires.
absolutely weatherproofed. But always one
thing the doctors overlook
was kicked in the stomach by army mule.
had a curry comb in my hand and giving that mule
the full treatment down in the beauty paror back
stables.
TO BE CONTINUED
Copyright 1884, b
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

GEORGE JESSEL'S dressing
~ room at SHOW Time" is a
rendezvous for many vet vaude-
Williams who are idle.
One Of them had just finished
a booking Upstate and was tell
ing George about the dump
audiences.
How was the applause ."
asked the star.
at sounded" was the reply.
like = caterpillar walking over
a Persian rug In his sox."
THEY were recalling the time
l. the late George NJ. Conan
was unhappy in Hollywood be-
cause an irritating young execu-
tive sent word he couldn't see
him for another three hours.
II see" said Mr. Conan. who
never kept anybody waiting in
his life.
anu WHAT 40 YOU happen 10
do around here o"
II happen" was the uppity
reply. ito be his assistant"
We'll. sarcasm'd Cohan "go
back and tell him never mind
and now that makes you a
messenger boy"
EROM The Rochester ~. "
Il Democrat Chronicle:
william Davidson, 20. Uni
versitv OF Rochester student.
weighing only 100 pounds. was
credited with saving a woman
from drowning In the upper
Genesee at 1880 p. m. yesterday.
Police said the woman ieaped
from the bridge just as David
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
The Brighter Side
BY Damon RunyOr

with the Rainbows for a time,
reading:
I9I7-I9I9
To the Rainbow Division
which first occupied Camp
Mills and which went forth TO
glorious victories on the battle
fields of France. this monument
is erected by its veterans.
It's mission fulfilled, IL van
fshed TO appear no more, but
its name and fame will live to
hearten future generations TO
answer their country's call.
WELL. this seems TO dispose
w of the question for which
many veterans of World War /,
including some former members
of the Rainbow itself, who APP
parently do not keep up with
reunion doings, had no answer.
The idea is there could be but
one Rainbow and never another,
which of course is rather a
unique distinction for the ia
nous division. l doubt if any
other outfit of the AEF has
been singled out in this manner.
However. / must say / find a
few veterans of the Rainbow
who are not happy about the
honor. especially when they see
soldiers wearing the insignias of
the other divisions of Pershing's
mighty army and thus keeping
alive in this war the memory of
those organizations.
These veterans would be
pleased TO see the vari-colored
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

perhaps. that goats are very
little trouble TO keep. cost very
little 10 feed. and are a natural
replacement for the automobile.
Until n man has driven a
spanking team Of goats" Ripley
rhapSodizes. che has not felt the
full thrill Of travel. Nothing IL
prettier than a team Of goats.
horns glistening In the sun.
whiskers riding the wind, spin
ming a wagon down the road.
Businessmen would find
goat wagon Ideal to reach their
Offices. Housewives would find
goats the perfect means of
shopping. Goats need no gaso-
line. no retreading. no oil. As a
patriot you must lay this plan
before Eastman and have him
launch goats for defense"
pIPLEY of Texas has turned
~ 10 the wrong man.
He has unfortunately turned
10 man who spent the best
years OF his boyhood trying 10
break 10 harness dozens OF
goats.
/ was given my first pair OF
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
by Dr. Logan Clendenine
Muscle
Exercise

walking this year, if we conform
TO the rules.
The gasoline restriction and
rubber shortage may save many
a citizens life and preserve his
efficiency another decade.
For at least 20 years have
been an automobile rider. even
ride 10 my golf club in order TO
take a walk. absurd as that is.
l have almost lost the power
of my legs.
This year I plan 10 take ad-
vantage of the opportunity the
fates have offered me.
/ can't do much for my coun-
try, but at least i can walk to
my office and back home at
night
This necessary and compulsory
form Of exercise daily will GER
tainly be resented, but will do
me good.
For those in the fifties and
sixties, male and female, bowl
ing is universally recommended
by the authorities.
II is mild exercise, but uses
a good many muscles. both arms
and legs and back, and teaches
coordination and control.
1t is good sign that bowling
has increased in popularity so in
the last few years.
Besides, il has good COMPETE
tive and social features.
CALISTHENICS and setting-up
~ exercises l do not recon-
mend for the very good reason
that they are dull, that nobody
keeps them up.
In the morning is a poor time
for calisthenics because your vi
tally is low. and before bedtime
they wake you up.
You may be able before long
10 prove the adage that the out
side of a horse is good for the
inside of a man.
Finally, never exercise beyond
the point of exhaustion.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

In lore, II love be Lore, il lore
be ours
Faith and uHfoith can ne'er be
equal poiOers
Unfoith in du0ht is wdnt Of
faith IN all.
II is the little rift within the
tute,
That by and by WiH make the
music mute
And eUer Widening slowly silence
all. -Tennyson.
OF by any chance some of the
subscribers lack faith in certain
respects in their matrimonial
mate II might be good idea for
them 10 paste above in their hat.
tOf course, pasting it in the
hat might not be practical for
the wives. They could paste it
on their mirrors.-EVDO
THE REV. RANDOLPH RAY.
Il Rector of Manhattan's Justly
celebrated Little Church Around
the Corner Most everybody is
familiar with the story as to
how this church got its name.
However, / am fond of telling
IL so don't. stop me.
Joseph Jefferson went TO a
large church on Madison avenue
10 arrange for burial services
for an actor named Holland.
At this church he was told
they did not care 10 hold serv-
ices for actors but that there
was "a little church around the
corner" that did.
And Jefferson said:
God bless the little church
around the corner"
Ever since this place of wor-
ship. officially known as the
Church of the TRANSPORTATION,
has been popular with the act
ing profession and also with
many people of sentimental and
tolerant natures.
EDWARD w. COchrane. Bril-
liant sports editor. Mr.. Cochrane
is minister's son. He has been
a sports editor for % years.
He neither drinks, smokes nor
uses profanity.
incidentally the only other
sports editor / know OF who does
not smoke. drink or swear is
also a minister's son.
So it may be ministers sons
are not all wild as often is
alleged.
IS 8 WE had been reading so
"A much about Alsab, the al
legged horse of the year." writes
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
Rainbow Passes
On I'm War iii

half crescent of the And on the
shoulders of some of the new
soldiers, perhaps because IL
would give them the opportunity
of surrounding the kids and tell
ing them of the deeds of the
original Rainbow on the battle
fronts of France.
TT is true that the national
Il guard outfits of New York,
Alabama, Ohio, Iowa. Minne-
sofa and the other states that
were represented In the original
have been pretty well scat
tered, but then the makeup of
many other divisions of World
War / that have been revived
for this war Is not at all the
same as in 1917.
And Il am repeating the
arguments Of dissenting vet
erans) many of the replace
ments necessary to the 42nd
before the end Of World War I
were not from the states of its
original representation anyway.
so what difference would it
make If a new 42nd was gath
cred from everywhere?
But, you understand. this Il
sort of family matter with
the Rainbow veterans and I
make it a point not to horn into
family arguments. ! just want
you to know why there is no
Rainbow division in the war
business at this time.
Copyright. ist2. by King Features
Distributed by International News ssrvics
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
The On|ooker

THERE are a few things that
i l won't do for my readers.
The only request that / have
baked at so far Is the request
that stop writing this column.
My interest in bellies lettres.
not to mention eating three
times a day. was too strong for
me TO grant that one.
Now. today. il seems as II I
will have 10 turn down another
reader 49, a FELTON, Ripley OF
Texas, who asks that ] person.
ally present 10 Joseph Eastman.
head of the Office Of Defense
Transportation. his suggestion
pat goats be used TO solve this
buntry's civilian transportation
problem.
EELTON. who is a goat grower
= or raiser or rancher or what
ever one who supervises the
bringing OF goats into this world
Is called. maintained in his let
ter 10 me that there are hun
dreds of thousands of strong.
healthy. willing goats ready to
pull vehicles.
He points out. and rightly
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

a New Yorker, my wife and 1
decided to go to the Empire City
Track at Yonkers, n. u, to see
him run. We can well afford q
taxi but I told my wife we would
have to take the subway and a
bus as taxis were not allowed
TO 20 TO race tracks and besides
IL was the patriotic thing to do.
What was our surprise on
arriving ut the track to SEQ
thousands of New York City
taxicabs parked about the track
and more arriving by the hun
dreds.
Incidentally, the crowd In the
club house section was the most
boorish, ill-mannered, lou d.
mouthed and altogether COM
pletely disgusting group of hui
mans 1 ever have encountered
at a sporting event.
I'm the bad manners and lack
OF consideration on part of this
crowd l see a connection In
their use of taxicabs for long
trips to racetracks at these
times.
People of that type have no
love of country; they love only
themselves"
IF YOU have a good razor
L blade and have prepared your
face properly for a shave you
should not find it necessary to
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
Hitler Caught
The Goldfish

son was riding bicycle over IL.
He pulled of his coat and shoes,
and. putting his wrist watch on
top OF them, jumped into the
water.
"Grabbing her by the hair
and holding her head above
water with one hand, he stroked
ZOO feet to the shore. Her con-
dition Is reported good"
From the same gazette's Lost
and Found ad column next day:
Lost or Strayed: Mans
wrist watch, gold. lost on Elm
wood Avenue Bridge about $3.50
p. IN. yesterday. Reward"
A VISITOR from abroad was
"A popping of in a midtown
joynt last night about things he
GislikeG most over here.
I'D list them this way" he
barked "Your columnists, your
gangsters and your congress-
men,"
why are the columnists
first ."
Because" he argued, they're
the most dangerous-they're In
terwting!"
last. Side-West Side: Small
~ burg touch: The Madison
avenue bus driver. who waits at
Fifty-ninth street in the wee
hours while passengers hop off
TO get the morning gazettes.
The ex-cinema glamour gal
who peddles war bonds in the
Savoy-Plaza foyer, Lya Lys.
The Health Farm" the name
OF a Second avenue bar and
grill.
The 500 applicants for the
500 per week show girl jobs
congesting the Hurricane en-
trance.
The Stork Club doorman bar
ring high-rank army men-be-
cause of their tipsy condition.
Patchin place and Milligan
place. blind alleys in Greenwich
Village bit Of old London.
Broadway newsstands III by
kerosene lamps.
The Third avenue -beanery
which features this sign:
you Are Our Guest. No Tip
ping Please"
The gray-thatched Park ave.
nue. gent strolling with cat
perched on his shoulder.
10
GIT JUST goes 10 show" tele-
Il graphs Jim Allen all the
way from Newark, n. j.. that
the Democrats are out to win
the war while the, Republicans
stay at home and play politics"
copyngh, BY Daily Mirror. Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
n E. SEAMAN, treasurer OF
~ Long Island chapter of the

L. OL<<iNAFtANf llCooOl CA vi
W Long Island chapter of the
Rainbow Division veterans, the
outfit that was officially the
Forty-second Division in World
War I, explains why there is no
Rainbow in this war, in which
all the other great divisions of
General Pershing's com m a n d
have been revived.
He says that at the annual re-
union of the Rainbow veterans
in Atlantic City in 1871 the
question was brought up as TO
whether or not they should
press the government to form
a new Forty-second Division.
After much discussion it was
decided that inaSmuch as the
national guard regiments which
had formed the original Rain
bow have been assigned to the
various other divisions, il would
be better that they do nothing
about having a new Rainbow
created.
The veterans were led to be-
lieve. Seaman states, that there
would be no Rainbow Division
in this war. and with that in
mind the national Rainbow Divi-
sion located at Camp Mills.
Garden City, Long Island, the
birthplace of the outfit, bears an
inscription credited by Seaman
10 General Summerall who was
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
On Broadway
Return

HE inn looks strange-I have
- long been dway,
But here they t0oit-the lads
Vho form my clan,
No leers, no eensure-lCords are
golden gay
The while zoe iift our tdnkards
man to man;
Well, here our pence can still the
-. biting pain
When iove fades dorm the
highways Of the night,
And 7 have come back-time and
time again
To learn hoW many Urongs
can make a right.
I knoW the dnscer euer is the
save,
know the gaping terror Of
the doUn,
But 7 ,CHi grit my teeth and play
the game
And gain the pride Of one Who
carries on.
When oil is lost ercept the
memory
OF one pho wos so Uery dear
10 me.
Don WahD.
EDWARD w. BEATTIE JR.,
~ the United Press cores
pendent. whose new book.
Freely 10 Pass" is click.
tells this one
Al the Munich conference
there was large bowl contain
ing a lone goldfish on a table.
Some one suggested that they
all try 10 catch il.
Daladier cautiously rolled up
starched cuff, put his hand
into the water and made
grab. but the fish easily got
away.
Chamberlain tried 10 hook II
IN his umbrella handle and
diled.
Mussolni shot out his chin,
put on his most aWesome scowl
and lunged with both paws. He
almost got IL.
Hitler stepped up and started
bailing out the water with a
teacup.
Soon there was only a little
water left and the FISH Topped
around dismally on its side.
"Grab him. grab him." cried
Benito.
NO" said Hitler. "first he
must cry for help"
~ his election: e
Congratulations and all the
other headaches that 70 with
being q winner"
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

shave more than once over.
that's what a shaving expert
was telling me.
l have to shave twice over
and then do a little more shaw
ing here and there after that.
The man in public life my
mother most admired was Theo-
dore Roosevelt.
When Teddy spoke in Brook
lyn during my boyhood my
mother took me to hear him
and arranged that I have
chance to shake the great mans
hand.
as he a good boy?" asked
Mr.. Roosevelt in referring to
me.
"Now and then" answered
my mother.
Aren't they all that way"
said Teddy. apparently much
amused at my mothers answer.
YOUNG men who reveal char
Il acteristics and talents that
might lead to their becoming
good physicians and surgeons
should be educated free.
Not only that but the govern
ment should award them in
comes that would make their
first four years Of medical prac-
tice free of financial worry.
You say this would cost the
taxpayers a lot of money, Maybe
il would.
But how many young men
could you educate and give a
start in the medical profession
for the cost of one battleship?
A ba ttleship now costs
$s5, 100000.
WHEN the Nazis in charge of
w occupied France ordered
all Jewish persons to wear
yellow badges in the form of the
Star of David the order was
greatly resented by people Of all
ereeds.
Result of this resentment was
that many Christians began
wearing yellow Star of David
badges.
At one time nearly every
student at the Sor b o n n e,
whether Christian or Jewish.
was wearing a Star of David
badge.
This latter action so irri-
tated the Nazis that they threat.
ened life Imprisonment for any
Christian who wore a yellow
Star of David badge.
Copyright. 1912, by King Features
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

TO-DAY we deal with the third
l. of the three main points in
any program to keep fit in war
time: ID mental hygiene and
~ nutrition we considered in
the last two articles. Now, the
muscles.
/ use the word muscles" for
the whole vegetative system
the circulation. respiration and
digestion-all the lower and So
matte functions of the body.
They will all be benefited.
however, If the muscles are
used.
Exerci strengthens the
heart, improves the wind and
digestion, and helps any tend
ency 10 stasiS or constipation.
MUSCULAR training unques-
WI tionably improves efficiency.
Training does this.
The muscles gam IN strength
and size and endurance:
CO. ordination is improved.
Needless movements are elimi-
mated.
The heart gains in strength
and size. and the heart beat be-
comes slower.
The blood pressure is. on the
average, lower in the we'll
trained man.
Training" writes Bainbridge,
leads To increase of power and
economy Of effort and the we'll
trained man Is better equipped
at almost every point TO perform
work than the unframed man.
Nor are the advantages con-
ferred by training purely phys
ical, since the sense of strength
and well-being which IL usually
engenders, colors and reacts
upon the individuals outlook and
action as a whole"
THERE is no real danger that
Il we will not get enough ex-
ercise. at least in the way Of
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

OTHER Billys and NannyS fol-
~ lowed this original pair, but
found all goats 10 be the same.
They do not like 10 travel in
a straight line.
Head them toward point A
and they light out for point q.
Head them toward @ and they
hit il, lickety-split. for w or r..
They do not like the feel of
paved or graded road under
their feet.
If Ripley's suggestion is car
ried out, this country will do
more cross-country travelling
than was ever done before.
A harnessed goats natural
habitat is a ditch. or a plowed
field, or a heavily wooded area.
Mules are supposed 10 be stub
born animals. but a mule. when
he wants a Phi. d. in stubborn
ness. studies under a billy goat.
When a goat sits down. or
lowers its head and braces its
feet. nothing will move il.
learned TO build fires by
building them under the Billys
and Nannys of my boyhood.
GOATS are not affectionate.
~ There is no such thing as
making a friend of a goat.
You can let goat eat at your
table. give him free run of the
guest room, give teas and show
ers for him. hold musicals in
his honor. and the first time he
gets a chance to get a running
start and let you have il with
his horns. he will.
| still am not absolutely in
line. from neck TO knee. because
of the sneak punches that my
goats delivered 10 me when
was an unsuspecting child and
my bones were still in the forma-
tive period.
The first poem that I ever
learned couldn't have been
more than 3 because l started
helping with the cotton picking
when i was 4. and l knew the
poem at that time, concerned
goats.
forget who wrote the poem
Byron, Wadsworth or Grant
land Rice-but il went this way:
"TUo little goats lCere Cdlking
in the pasture.
One little goat said, Let's ruth
little faster
The other little goat said, Ny
foots sore.
Excuse me. goat, II didn't
knoW'."
Distributed by MeNsusht Syndicate, Inc
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
Goats WOn'f DO
for Travelling

goats on my sixth birthday.
They were named Billy and
Nanny, as are all goats.
No one has ever named goats
anything but Billy and Nanny.
A bright green wagon and red
harness came with them.
Billy ate the harness in the
first two days and working
horn-in-glove with Nanny, made
a shambles OF the wagon within
a week.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

IS 8 WE had been reading so
"A much about Alsab, the al
legged horse of the year." writes
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07
by Z. v. DurIing-

Distributed by King Features Syndicate. Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

THERE is no real danger that
Il we will not get enough ex-
ercise. at least in the way of
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-11-07

GIT JUST goes 90 show" tele-
Il graphs Jim Allen all the
way from Newark, n. j., that
the Democrats are out To win
the war while the, Republicans
stay at home and play politics"
copyngh, BY Daily Mirror. Inc.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-10-18
TO GET AND STAY SLIM TRY THE RY-KRIsP PLAN

minerals and almost all the thiamin Of whole
rye, aids regularity" and tends TO keep one
longer satisfied.
Enjoy Ry.Krisp, the toast-lke whole rye bread,
regularly. Serve IL on your bread-tray at every
meal. Remember, Ry-KriSP is every BIT as
nutritious as it is delicious
FOR FREE RY-KRIsP REDUCING PLAN
Send request on penny postal TO Ry.kriSp, Fl
Checkerboard Square, st. Louis, Missouri.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-10-18

You can't feel your best when you're over
weight because excess fat causes fatigue,
reduces efficiency and places an unfair strain
on the heart.
BY following the Ry.Krisp plan, a normally
overweight person can lose excess fat, feel and
look better.
Ry-Krisp is Of value in this plan because this
delicious whole grain bread has only about 3
calorieS per wafer, supplies the important
The Daily Alaska empire., 1942-06-02
Home Service
 Unites Juneau
 Couple Saturday

Mrs. Mary Robertson and Lawr- ence J. Cashen of Juneau were mar ried on Saturday afternoon at 2 o'clock in the home of MT. and Mrs Miles Godkins here, shortly after the arrival of the bride from the south, where she has been visiting her parents in Buckley, Washing ton for six weeks.
 The ceremony was performed by the Rev. Edward c. Budde and was attended only by few immediate relatives of the couple. Mrs. God kins, sister of the bridegroom, and MT Godkins, were the only attend ants.
 The bride wore her travelling suit of blue and a corsage of roses and lily of the valley. Many spring flowers decorated the Godkins home for the affair.
 Following the ceremony, lunch was served and the wedding cake was cut.
 Mrs Cashen formerly was em- ployed at St. Ann's Hospital and MT. Cashen also is employed there The new home is established in the Lund Apartments.