Evening star., 1942-12-18

Henry McLemore. get out If
ever-my name Is likely to be linked
at the Explorers Club with those
Of Amundsen, Magellan, Marco Polo,
Peary. Byrd and the man who first
ate tomato aspic.
Driven by the zeal that nres US
seekers after knowledge. I set out
to learn just how man would go
about getting raise in this country.
What are the wheels that must turn,
the cogs that must grind (not to
mention the teeth before a man
who wanted and deserved a $40
boost in pay could get it?
The first thing I did was put
myself in the place of a fellow
who wanted a $40 raise. That
wasn't hard to do, because I do.
An extra $40 would go long way
toward easing the worries of those
two deserving cousins Of mine who
are working their way through
barber college. Good boys, both
Of them. One is majoring In singes
and the other in feather trims.
Mountain Of Blanks.
So told my employer I wanted
a raise. He didn't hear me at first
being as he was buried under pile
of ,,opar III yLo,, Mo,,,,t T1,ar-
est. I called again and his third
secretary Che has had to add two
secretaries just to stand by to see
to it that he doesn't get smothered
under the Government blanks) said
that he couldn't see me for at least
a week, and he Cmy employer was
engaged in getting the Office boy
a $1-a-w week raise.
He has been under the mountain
OF blanks for three days, now the
secretary said. I'VE are all afraid
that he will begin to believe that
he is Floyd Collins In a cave and
| refuse to come out"
Left to my own devices, I started
exploring the blanks an employer
must fill out to give an employe a
raise. First there are the papers Of
application. There are enough Of
these to keep nest of mice nibbling
contentedly for year or two. Then
there are the papers themselves.
Offhand I would say that there are
enough of these to paper Bucking-
ham Palace, the Vatican, the State
Capitol at Montgomery, Ala, and
still have enough left over to make
confetti for all the world to throw.
1 started counting the questions to
be answered on these blanks, but
gave up when I had to start keeping
tab of the trillions on my fingers.
Besides, just when I was in the
midst of counting them, I stumbled
across another roomful of papers
known as general orders"
Umphty- Umph Orders.
There was General Order No. I,
General Order No 2, General Order
No 3, General Order No. 4, and on
up to General Order No. umphty-
umph.
I was pouring through these when
a fresh batch arrived marked IN
depreciation No. to General Order
No. g. and Interpretation No. 2 to
General Order No. g."
Research revealed that the ma
tional AAU record for filling out all
the forms necessary to get raise
for an employe is four days, three
| hours, 20 minutes, and 10 seconds,
1t is held by prominent button
hook manufacturer in a Midwest
ern town. That his record will be
accepted as official is doubtful, how
ever. Rivals claim he had the wind
to his back when setting the mark,
and also used starting blocks. More
over, his application was refused by
the National War Labor Board. NV
advice to any one wanting a raise is
this:
If your employer is more than 25
years of age, don't ask for it. He
will be dead and buried long before
he finishes filling out the blanks.
distributed by McNausht Syndicate, IncJ