Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1942-11-27

henry MeLemofe' b lunderDuSS-
Blunderbuss.
I was fortunate In being able to
get the services of the major. He
comes from a long line Of military
strategists. One of his ancestors
drew up the battle plans for Gen.
Braddock In his fight against the
French and Indians. And he. alone.
was responsible for Braddock's bril-
liantly executed defeat. Another
ancestor did the groundwork for
Napoleon at Waterloo, and his
grandfather was the man who adj
vised Pickett to make his charge
at Gettysburg.
As for Maj Blunderbuss- Blunder-
buss himself, he was with the French
in their celebrated taxicab ride to
the Marine in the last war He was
the only man on that trip which
saved Paris who refused to tip the
cab driver. The majors other cam
paigns include heroic work for
Hoover in 1882, Landon in 1886 and
Willkie in 1910. Of and on, he has
served as League of Nations CORE
spondent for the Daily Racing Form.
religious editor of the Police Ga
zette and for one year was batting
| practice pitcher for the Phillies.
War Book Omits War.
At the moment, he is writing a
book. Tentatively titled MY Ex-
| periences During World War II" it's
quite refreshing, because the ma jor
hasn't been nearer the front than
Camden, N. j., and the book doesn't
mention the war at all Most Of it
is devoted to his problem of paying
OH the mortgage on small farm.
The first assignment I handed
the major dealt with the German
tourists" who are now moving into
Italy by the thousands for the pur-
pose OF bolstering italian morale.
What is a German "tourist"7 How
does he bolster morale2 How can
he be distinguished?
The major interpreted the arrival
in italy of German tourists" as
definite sign that Mussolini was
deader than an early Caesar. and
that the Italians were ready for the
leadership of Father Divine and his
motto of "Peace Amt it wonder
full"
THE German tourist can be dis
tinguished by the fact that he car
ries hand grenade instead of a
camera, and a machine gun instead
OF Baedeker," the major said. He
stops at the best hotels and inns at
the expense of his hosts. All Ger
man tourists dress alike. They
wear field gray suit, side arms and
steel helmets. They are great boil
sterers Of morale. They work on
the theory that no one ever heard
OF a dead man complaining or
fussing. so they shoot the complain
ers and fussers. This is part Of the
New Order Happiness CODE
What to Do to Italy.
This intimation by the major that
Italy was about to collapse alarmed
me. The major is so seldom right.
thought, that his prediction prob
ably is the best news Italy has had
In years. But on second thought I
inquired that the law Of averages
probably was working for the major.
and that he's due to call one the
right way.
asked the major what he thought
the Allied Nations should do to
Italy when and If 1t collapses.
"A lot" he answered. But thu
first thing they should do is to get
copies of all the speeches made by
Mussolini and his mouthpiece.
Gayda, during the past few years
and have them make them all over
again. As the troops of the United
Nations tramp through the streets
OF Rome, have Mussolini stand
aquivering on his balcony and repeat
those bombastic statements Of his,
the ones in which he told his people
how the Fascist legions OF steel
would share in the conquest OF the
world.
Then. as a climax, let two or
three dozen Ethiopians, survivors Of
the days when he bombed helpless
Ethiopia without mercy. quietly take
him for long and scenic ride along
the banks Of the Tiber. And, while
they're cutting his throat, they can
let Ciano have it, too.
Maj. Blunderbuss- Blunderbuss Is
q rough man, but strictly right
distributed By McNsusht Syndicate. incl