Evening star., 1942-10-31


Scouts to take away the loot. The
result would be q mountain Of scrap
that would dwarf Mounts Hood and
Mckinley. Intrepid climbers from
all over the world would come with
their Alpine sticks and hobnailed
boots, ropes and axes, to fight for
the honor of being the first to scale
it's heights and plant the flag OF
their country on its summit.
If Mrs. White does not believe
me, if she feels that I am exag-
gerating, let her run upstairs and
explore her own handbag. It's 10
to l that she will be astounded by
the amount of material that she has
been carrying around for days,
months and years.
AS a starter, I took my wife's
purse-rather, I dragged 1t down
the steps, for to have tried to lift
it would have been q foolhardy
thing for one unaccustomed to
carrying such weights-and spread
out its contents in a nearby vacant
lot. Then / called her to act as .
sort of guide and explain to me
what all of the things were that
were in her purse, and why In the
world she lugged them around with
her
She started patiently to explain:
That is compact. So Is that.
Those are lipsticks. One is for day.
time, one is for evening, and one Is
white chapstick. That Is dark
rouge and that is light rouge. That
case has powder puffs in It, That Is q
comb. That is nail file. Those are
hairpins and those are bobby pins"
~
We were hopping about the lot.
now, like children playing hop
scotch
Those are two side combs and
those are some earrings that hurt
my ears. That Is one rhinestone
clip, because I lost the other one.
Those are three purses. One is for
my own money; one Is household
money, and the other Is my own
extra special money"
I had to ask what the difference
was between her own money and
her own extra special money.
my own money is the money I
buy stockings and shoes and things
I really need with. And, my extra
special honeywell, that's what I
treat myself to things with"
The sun continued its course
across the heavens, as we continued
to examine the contents.
That's a lippo lighter. You use
it to put your lipstick on in the
dark. I won 1t as q bridge prize.
That's a hashnght for blackouts.
That's q cigarette lighter that
doesn't work, but I am going to
get some stuff to put in It, That's
an empty cigarette case, and those
are two packs of cigarettes. Those,
obviously, are matches.
"Those are my keys. That is lip
stick tissue and that's q regular
handkerchief. That's my check
book. That's q wristwatch I'm tax
ing back to get fixed, and those are
samples of materials am going to
try to match. In that envelope are
some beads I have to get restrung,
and you know that's a pen and a
pencil. And, in that little black
case is my drivers license and last
years Safe Drivers award. And
those are my shopping lists"
| " y ~
She then started gathering up the
contents of her handbag and as she
walked of with her weighty purse
swinging on her arm women ap-
parently have developed a special
set of muscles for handbag carry
ing) I recalled that time, several
years, when was at the receiving
end of one of them.
1t happened in Hollywood when
Actor Broderick Crawford and I
allowed the Galahad to come out in
us and interfered In a fight be-
tween two men in night club. Brod
got off all right because nothing but
a man hit him, but the wife of one
Of the contestants hauled OF and
let me really have it in the face with
a rhinestone pocketbook. I was
weeks getting the rhinestones out
of my face and at night when light
would glow on me I took on the ap-
pearance Of one of those studded
highway signs that read, Danger.
winding road"
I have q suspicion that the rhine
stones on my face read, "Detour
ahead" because people studiously
avoided me.
distributed BY McNaught Syndicate, lnc.)