Evening star., 1942-08-17
Use Patience
In Handling
Bad Boy
Don't E1aggerafe
Misdemeanors
Into Crimes
By Letfice Lee Street,

Dear Mrs. STREET.: We caught
our 10-year- -old son smoking anc
naturally we are both upset as we
do not want him to smoke. What
do you advise us to do about this
and how is the best way to handle
Bill? 1t also makes me sad and
worried to think that he would try
to deceive us. He has always been
truthful child up to now. His
grandfather says, Give him a lick
ing" but my husband and I wonder
if this would have any lasting eff
feet. We are regular readers OF
your column. which has helped us
lot. particularly with our stub
born 4-year-old. Now we will ap-
preciate your direct advice If you
will be SO good as to give it.
Sincerely, MRS. w. H.
No doubt small city boys have
ducked behind fences, and country
lads behind barns, to steal few
forbidden puffs from cigarette
since the long-ago day when Sil
| Walter Raleigh was drenched with
the famous bucket Of water! Youl
discovery should not upset you un-
duly, Mrs. w. H., because it is not
new in this tobacco-stained world
nor is this act exclusive with your
young Bill.
Yesterday I read your letter tc
man who seems to understand
boys as we'll as any one I know
He is a teacher in large military
school and he said, Among our
cadets I venture to say there is
hardly one who has not, or does
not. smoke. Those over 16 may dc
so with their parents consent. but
the others do it, too. When they
are caught they are punished. but
this does not stop them. I have
had success, 1 believe, with a few
individual boys, but never through
punishment"
This teacher and I are of the
same mind; child is never sue
cessfully trained through harsh, in
tolerant punishment. He and
think your boys grandfather is
mistaken we believe that lick
ing" will only make Bill smoke like
a small chimney every chance he
| gets.
When parents exaggerate child
ish misdemeanor into serious
crime by raving, scolding and bran
dishine the hair brush, they are
likely to create one of two situa-
tions: both undesirable. First, con-
tinual repetition of such treatment
may intimidate a youngster to such
a. degree that he is fearful Of him
self and others: he thinks, In hi
heart, that he Is wicked Or he
will sullenly rebel, and his parent;
will so antagonize him that they
will lose his respect and confidence
and thus their parental control viii
notably diminish.
Instead of discouragine the de.
sire to commit a forbidden act
harsh punishment focuses the
childs attention upon the act
makes it seem exciting and tempt
ing to him, and therefore he con-
centrates upon how he can &C
ahead without being caught.
What is done is done, Mrs. w. H.
and ! hope you and your husband
will refrain from mentioning this
! episode to your son. Do not nag
/ him. But, when 1t happens again
which it easily may, suggest that
/ you or your husband talk to Bill
alone, in the most friendly ano
! casual way Try not to appear
angry Or worried. Assume, very
| obviously, the pose that it makes
absolutely no difference in your life
whether he smokes or not. Their
casually begin to talk to Bill about
himself and the sport he likes the
best Almost every boy has ambi-
tions to excel as an athlete, so let
this be your cue.
His punishment should be frankly
administered not because he
smoked, but because he lied ano
tried to deceive you.
You and your husband seem tc
be extraordinarily intelligent anc
tolerant parents. Please do not be
sad about Bills deception, he il
just little boy and nice child
too. Like all children. he will test
his parents to see how far he car
60, II you are patient and firm you
will not hnd it hard to turn hi
back toward the unhappy road o.
deception.