Jackson advocate., 1942-01-31

SGTeet, bnlnklng Oh now he IelC
when he fought Gus in Docs pool
room. He was relieved and glad that
in an hour he was going to see
about that job at the Dalton place.
He was disgusted with the gang;
he knew that what had happened
today put an end to his being with
them in any more jobs. Like man
staring regretfully but hopelessly at
the stump Of cutoff arm or leg,
he knew that the fear of robbing
white man had hold of him when
he started that fight with Gus; but
he knew it in way that kept it
from coming to his mind in the
form of hard and sharp idea. His
confused emotions had made him
feel instinctively that it would be
better to fight Gus and spoil the
plan of the robbery than to con-
front a white man with a gun. But
he kept this knowledge of his fear
thrust firmly down in him, his
courage to live depended upon how
successfully his fear was hidden
from his consciousness. He had
| fought Gus because Gus was late;
| that was the reason his emotions
accepted and he did not try to JUS
tify himself in his own eyes, or In
the eyes of the gang, He did not
think enough of them to feel that
he had to; he did not consider him.
self as being responsible to them
for what he did, even tho they had
been involved as deeply as he in
the planned robbery. He felt that
same way toward everyone. AS long
as he could remember, he had nev-
er been responsible to anyone. The
moment situation became SO that
it exacted something of him, he re-
belled. That was the way he lived.
he passed his days trying to defeat
or crafty powerful impulses in a
world he feared.
OUTSIDE HIS WINDOW he saw
the sun dying over the roof-tops
in the western sky and watched
the first shade of dusk fall Now
and then a street car ran past. The
rusty radiator hissed at the far end
of the room All day long it had
been springlike; but now dark
clouds were slowly swallowing the
sun. All at once the street lamps
came on and the sky was black and
close to the house-tops.
Inside his shirt he felt the cold
metal ri the gun resting against
his .guaked skin; he ought to put
it back between the mattresses. No!
ne would keep it. He would take it
with him to the Dalton place. He
felt that he would be safer If he
took it. He was not planning to use
it and there was nothing in partici-
lar that he was afraid of, but there
was in him an uneasiness and dis
trust that made him feel that he
ought to have it along He was 60
ing among white people, SO he
would take his knife and his gum
it would make him feel that he was
the equal of them: give him a
sense of completeness. Then he
thought of a good reason why he
should take it: in order to get to
the Dalton place, he had to go
through a white neighborhood. He
had not heard of any Negroes be-
ing molested recently, but he felt
that it was always possible.
Far away clock doomed five
times. He sighed and got up and
yawned and stretched his arms
high above his head to loosen the
muscles of his body. He got his
overcoat, for it was growing cold
outdoors; then got his cap. He
tiptoed to the door, wanting to
slip out without his mother hear
ing him. Just as he was about
to open it, she called, Bigger.
He stopped and frowned. "Yeah,
Ma"
"You going to sec about that
joba'
Yeah"
"Ain't you going to eat7'
II amt got time now
She came to the door, wiping her
soapy hands upon an apron. Here,
take this quarter and buy yo''
something"
20. K.'
"And be careful, son.
He went out and walked south
| w NtlCCby bllCl NdotN
ward. Well, he would see in few
moments if the Daltons for whom
he was to work were like the peo-
pie he had seen and heard in the
movie. But while walking through
this quiet and spacious white neigh
borhood he did not feel the pull
and mystery of the thing as strong
ly as he had in the movie. The
houses he passed were huge, light
glowed softly in windows. The
streets were empty, save for an oc-
casional car that zoomed past on
swift rubber tires. This was cold
and distant world; a world of white
secrets carefully guarded. He could