Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-08-10
Let's Laugh
Save. Your
Breath and
Win War
Use II for w orkinq
Instead Of Jabberinq
BY HENRY McLEMORE

DIV HENRI mClEmOhE
NOR the first time Americans
are really learning 10 save.
We are saving tin cans, bacon
fat. rubber bands. brass bed
posts, tea kettles and countless
other items that in the past
have made our junkyardS the
largest and most picturesque in
the world. Our incinerators were
on a steady diet Of sufficient
valuables TO keep the average
country in prosperity.
In one of my infreeHent lucid
moments / had the thought that
the next thing for us TO start
saving was our breath. We
Americans are undoubtedly the
greatest free style, Graeco-
Roman catch-as-catch-can jab-
bers in the world.
If we would only reduce our
useless. inane conversations by
half, we would undoubtedly gain
millions of hours of extra time
10 devote 10 the war effort.
Let's be honest with ourselves
and admit that all of us spend
too much time talking about
things that don't matter
damn. Just stop and think OF
some of the subjects that nearly
ait Of us talk about nearly every
day.
TAKE dreams. for example. A
Il good 100000 hours a day
must be wasted by people either
listening TO dreams or telling
about dreams. None of them
make any sense, but show me
a man or woman who can resist
recounting this sort of thing
Honestly, had the darndest
dream last night. was standing
by the ocean, except it really
wasn't the ocean, just q lot OF
water, and along came this man
with a beard, except IL wasn't
a beard. His face just seemed
all covered over.
an his arms he had a great
big basket, all filed with-well,
L never could figure out just
what was In that basket. At
first i thought they were kit
tens, but they were talking tn
the man so 1 knew they couldn't
be kittens.
Then you'd never guess what
happened. One Of the kittens, or
whatever they were, grabbed Mt
me, and 1 started to run. That
IL, I tried to run, and / couldn't
move a foot. I'll swear, when i
woke up and found out IL was
just a dream, and i was I'm my
own bed. boy. was glad
WELL admit that to do away
w with the recounting Of
dreams is going TO work hard
ship on all of US. There isn't
a one of us who doesn't love our
moment in the sun AS we
stumble along trying TO fill in
the boring details Of a boring
dream TO a bored group Of lis
teners.
The only reason dream tellers
have any listeners at all is that
the listeners aren't really listen
ing. but just waiting until the
finish so they can break in
with
"Wait1I I tell you the one I
had the other night. 1t seems
was in Alaska, or somewhere
like Alaska, where there was
lot Of snow, and :"
At least 20,000,000 Americans
every day stop whatever they
are doing to tell at least 10000
600 other Americans of how GER
tain foods DON'T agree with
them. We doubt if there is any
one who really cares what up
sets the stomachS of his friends
and acquaintance. How many
times have you heard people say,
just as if they were letting
every one in on a great, inter-
national secret:
IL like onions, but onions don't
like me-"
Strawberries give me the
hives every time eat them"
I'D give my right arm for
piece Of watermelon. but you
imagine the effect II has on me-"
THESE are fascinating little
Il bits of information. but we
always wonder-except when we
are explaining the peculiarities
of our own digestive system
just why people insist on telling
the unpleasant story of things
that disagree with them.
Why don't they just forget the
dishes that make them writhe in
remembrance. and stick TO the
vittles that keep them strong
and healthy. But no one ever
thought of turning to his din
ner partner and saying:
az like potatoes and potatoes
like me. They have never made
me sick"
Other topics of conversation
that could be abandoned for the
duration without loss 10 the
nation:
How long il takes an individ-
ual TO get up, shave, battle,