The Detroit tribune. (Detroit, Mich.) 1935-1966, 1942-12-12

l see now, | was kind OF blind. l
Il just wanted to come here and
tell you that I'm not angry. I'm
not angry and want you TO let me
help you. | don't hate you for try
ing TO blame this thing on me >.
Maybe you had good reasons. :. Il
don't know. And maybe in a GER
tain seLse. I'm the one who's real
ly guilty. 49," Jan paused again
and sucked long and hard at his
cigarette. blew the smoke out slow
~ and nervously bit his lips. Big
ger. I've never done anything
against you and your people In my
life. But I'm white man and IL
would be asking too much 10 ask
you not TO hate me, when every
white man you see hates you. IL
theirs TO you, even though | don't
feel like they do. But didn't know
We were so far apart until that
night. | can understand now why
you pulled that gun on me when
waited outside that house to talk
TO You. II was the only thing you
could have done: but didn't know
NV white face was making you feel
guilty. condemning you. JAMS
lips hung open. but no words came
from them: his eyes searched the
corners OF the room.
Bigger sat silently, bewildered,
feeling that he was on a vast blind
wheel being turned by stray gusts
Of wind. The preacher came for
ward.
is yuh Mistah Erlone?'
Yes said Jan. turning.
"Tha WIZ a mighty fine thing
you JUS said. sub. Ef anybody needs
hep. this po boy sho does. Aim
Reyeren' Hammon."
Bigger saw Jan and the preacher
shake hands.
Though this thing hurt me.
got something out OF il Jan said.
sitting down and turning to Big
ger 1T made me see deeper into
men. II made me see things | knew.
but had forgotten. II lost some
thing. but got something. too. -
/ Jan tueged at hlr tie and the room
was silent. waiting for him 10
speak. 1t taught me that it's your
right TO hate me. Bigger. see
now that YOU couldn't do anything
else but that; II was all you had.
But. Bigger. IL say you got the
right to hate me. then that ought
/ 10 make things little different.
oughtnt il? Ever since / got out
Of jail I've been thinking this thing
over and | felt that I'm the one
who ought 10 be in jail for murder
instead Of YOU. But that can't be,
Bigger. | can't take upon myself
the blame for what one hundred
million people have done" Jan
leaned forward and stared at the
floor. I'm not trying 10 make up
TO you, Bigger. / didn't come here
10 feel sorry for you. | don't sup
pose you're any worse off than the
rect OF us who get tangled up in
this world. I'm here because I'm
trying to live up to this thing as
sec 1t, And II isn't easy. Bigger.
II loved that girl YOU killed. l.
loved. 49, His voice broke and
Bigger saw his lips tremble. II was
in jail erieying for Mary and then
| thought OF all the black men
who've been killed. the black men
who had to grieye when their peo-
/ pie we're enatched from them in
slavery and since slavery. l thought
that If they could stand II, then
ought to- Jan crushed the cigar
cite with his shoe. AT first. I
thought old man Dalton was trying
TO frame me. and | wanted to kill
him. And when l heard that you'd
done IT, wanted to kill YOU. And
then | got To thinking. ] saw II
killed, this thing would 60 on and
on and never stop. l said. I'm go
ing TO help that guy. II he lets me. 4"
May Gawd In heaven bless yuh,
son." the preacher said.
Jan lit another cigarette and Of
fered one to Bigger: but Bigger re-
fused by keeping his hands folded
in front Of him and staring stonily
at the floor. JAMS words we're
strange. he had never heard such
talk before. The meaning OF what
Jan had said was SO new that he
could not react TO IT,: he simply
sat. staring. wondering. afraid even
TO look at Jan.
Let me be on YOUR side. Biz
GER Jan said. II cant fight this
thing with you. just like you've
started II. l can come from all Of
those white people and stand here
with you. Listen. got a friend, a
lawyer. His name Is Max. He un-
derstands this thing and wants to
help you. Won't you let him?"
Bigger understood that Jan was
not holding him guilty for what he
had done. Was this a trap? He
looked at Jan and saw a white
face. but an honest face. This white
man believed in him, and the mo-
ment he felt that belief he felt
guilty again but In different
sense now. Suddenly. this white
man had come up 10 him. hung
aside the curtain and walked into
the room Of his life. Jan had spoken
a declaration OF friendship that
would make other white men hate
him; a particle Of white rock had
detached Itself from the looming
mountain OF white hate and had
rolled down the slope, stopping
sill az his feet. The word had be.
come flesh. For the first time In
his life a white man became a hui
man being In him: and tho reallfv
OF JAMS humanity came In a stab
of remorss; be had killed what this