The Waterbury Democrat., 1942-01-13
Walter WinchelI
 O. Broadway i, fYyaAe Mars neetuersa <orvr,.n. ,sso r.w ss,.-..,
t1ssds Mars Registered Copyright. is4o Daily n,es,

I've got to -so and have my nails done"
 "Done?" leased the other, Cor sharpened?"
 Even during his recent illness, George M. Conan didn't lose his grand Irish sense of humor. One day doctor told him he was very low and asked if he would like to see anybody.
 "Yes," said Conan, another doc tori"
 Jessie Royce Landis, star of Papa Is AL" the Theater Guild comedy about the Pennsylvania Dutch, had to spend great deal of time around Lancaster learning dialect, customs, etc. She passes along this legend typical of the people there. To appreciate it even more, she says the Dutch rarely keep money in banks. They usually hide it around the house or in the barn.
 Anyway, this concerns an elderly pair who arrived at a real estate office before April 1st-"Settlement Day" for the Dutch. They were buy ing a farm, the price of which was $17.O0O.
 Papa brought forth a huge stock ing packed with folding money and patiently counted it.
 Tt only comes to $14,O00, Mama, , he said unhappily. What hap pened?"
 T guess" Mama said blandly i've must have brought the wrong stocking"
 Now that Mickey Rooney's hus- band, they'll have to re-route the Andy Hardy flickers When you observe the lulu Mickey's picked for missus, he's going to look silly ask ing Lewis Stone for pointers.
 Over at the new Club 18l, they were talking about the magazine writer who disappeared for weeks wonder where he is," somebody said.
 "Oh, he's very busy" explained Winchell fan, blowing up ru- nor and two untruths-into a full length article for his mag"
 The harsh reveiws on Johnny or Spot," revealed there were two MacArthurs under bombardment- the General and Helen Hayes Char lie, the author. How courteous Is the Japanese! He always says, Excuse me, please. He climbs into his neighbor's garden And smiles and says, T beg youl pardon"
 He bows and grins a friendly grin,
 And calls his hungry family in; He grins and bows friendly bow 50 sorry, this MY garden now"
 OGDEN NASH, March, 1888
 Time puzzles you with a repor that five bare-legged chorus girl! caught in Iowa's blizzard had to bt rescued from a snow drift. How come they got in a snow drift? Are things so tough on farm! they've added floor shows? All the Axis citizens are Aryan now. Hitler issued an order admit ting the Italians and the Japs tt membership. A British soldier 1T private life, was 8 little confused by all this. The other day his ser. geant sent him on patrol duty.
 "The captain" he instructed wants you to catch him an Aryar prisoner"
 "Veriwell," said the private "Bleached, olive or snuff-colored?'
 Stripping" Margie Hart told ar interviewer, "gives me a good liveli. hood, although do have some curl ous followers"
 The minute they stop being curl ous, Pet, you ain't got a good liveli. hood.
 While negotiations were going or between Japan and the U. S.-dur. ing the u-fiction-Kurusu pre-. sented this plan: Why could not tht two nations peacefully devide th1 Pacific?
 Secretary Hull smiled agreeably Encouraged, the JapanaI continued (Which part would you want-th' north or south?" MT. Hull is supposed to have re- piled: "As long as we are dividing the Pacific, we'll take the top and you take the bottom" England has patented cand, photograph records.