Evening star., 1942-04-17

Henry McIemors. as the next fell
low. but It is what I put In or don't
put In a suitcase that will finally
cause me to be an outcast from
society.
During my travels from one end
Of the country to the other, have
vet to reach a place with the right
clothes in my bag. II were fugi-
tive from justice, the officers OF the
law would have no trouble finding
me. All they would have to do
would be to 60 TO any gathering and
pick up the one man there who
was dressed entirely different from
any one else. The fact that I am
never dressed the way other people
are does not come from any desire
to look different. It is the result OF
bad judgment. bad luck. or bad
something.
I'm on a trip right now and every
blessed thing I should have with
me is back home In clothes closet.
The things l have with me are
what I needed on my last trip. Now
know already that on my next trip
I'll take the clothes that are now
at home and it'll turn out that what
I will really need will be the things
that have with me now.
II I pack light clothes. the town I
20 TO Is certain to have one Of those
unusual" spells where the snow
flies for the first time in SO years.
II I take heavy clothes, the town is
sure to have an unprecedented heat
wave.
But the No. pest in my packing
troubles is my dinner jacket. I have
lugged dinner jacket, tie, shoes. studs
and black silk socks from Seattle
to Key West without once being
asked to anything fancier than o
bring -your-own- sandwiches picnic.
But let me leave that black nuis-
ance at home and I'm sure to be
asked to so places where you can't
60 in a business suit.
The same goes for sport clothes.
II take q mess of sweaters and
slacks and what I think Is English
countryside stuff, then I run into
situations where every one Is dressed
like mourners at q funeral. AS a
result, come bounding out only to
be pointed out as low grade fell
low who consorts with race track
toutS.
remember this as I pack for
later trip and don't take thing In
the sports line. I pack only decent
dark blue suits and black shoes, re-
mindful of a church usher. You
know what always happens. I run
into people who are completely
sports-minded. have TO play
tennis in a double breasted blue
serge number, golf In my very best
new Sunday suit, and swim in bor-
rowed suit that my host has rooted
out OF an old trunk in the attic, and
which has those dashing Annette
Kellerman lines.
There Is nothing worse than TO
have. to borrow sports clothes. They
never fit. If you are thin, your
host Is always built along Man
Mountain Dean lines and you stag
ger around in dread Of losing your
pants. If you're fat, your host Is
sure to be the type that is called
Shorty" or skinny" and you have
TO spend your time holding In your
breath and listening for the sound
of ripping seams.
My idea of the perfect existence
would be to be connected with
carnival and circus and do your hv-
ing and travelling on one Of those
yellow trains. There would be no
suitcases to pack and you'd have
everything you own right with you
all the time.
If 1 were a few years younger,
believe I'd be tempted to take up
acrobatics or Juggling something
on my nose, just TO be able TO travel
on such a train. AS it Is now, it's
colder than "Billy-Be-D" outside
and the only way I can possibly
keep warm Is to wear both Of the
thin suits I brought with me.
distributed By McNaught Syndicate, Ine)