Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-05-09
Runyon Eyes
45-b5 Draft,
Sees Nothing
Not Much Help for Army,
Famed CoIumnist Says
BY DAMON RUNYON

lld IOl lNN vi lilC
diabetic. arthritic, astigmatic,
ulcer and general debility cases
OF the nation on its military
rolls.
And, of course, 90 per cent
of the plate-men of America
in both the upper and lower
denture divisions, all gnaShing
their synthetic biScuspids in
eagerneSS 10 get at the enemy.
he registration of the As 10
65 crowd went off well if / may
Judge by the results. II there
are enough wheel chairs TO go
around among those in the top
brackets of the enrolment. the
war is already as good as won.
/ heard two veterans of the
Spanish American War annihi-
late several divisions of JapS
just while waiting 10 register.
7 SAW several elderly patriots
L accompanied by their wives
10 the registration station at
the Beverly Hills city hall and
one of the wives explained that
/ il was not safe to let paw
wander around on his own or
he might get lost. She said his
sense of location has been poor
ever since Billy Bryan's last
campaign for the presidency. .
If you are interested in a re-
port on how your old columniSt
made Out in the registration. l
can tell you il was a narrow
squeak. / walked four blocks
to the Beverly Hills city hall
and this untoward eXertion left
me without enough strength to
lift the penholder to sign up.
Only the good offices Of the
lady clerk. who held the pen
while 1 pushed it around to
form the necessary signature,
got me on Uncle Sans list
again.
THIS revelation of lack of
Il physical stamina scarcely
compatible with enrolment for
possible military service might
have depressed me had l not
encountered younger fellow
sitting on the city hall steps
having a nice little heart attack
for himself.
He confided his doubts that
he would be up to carrying
rife with the same aplomb
that characterized him in the
Argonne, for some time.
l thought it was mistake
to put the registration place in
a spot where the regiStrants
had to walk upstairs. Some of
them that l saw have enough
difficulty showing their stomachs
along the fiat and when they
had 10 push same uphill, il be-
came quite a hardship.
/ hope and trust that the
government will bear. this in
mind if it is going to call for
any further maneuvers from us
old guys.
IS understand the purpose
"A of the registration, the
government seeks accurate in
formation as TO its man-power,
most of the registrants above
the three-score mark felt highly
flattered that the word power
should be applied TO them in any
sense.
However, as about the only
jobs in which the government is
using three-scorers are as gen.
erals in the army or in the
cabinet. and all those places are
already filled. l fear the high
age men among the new regis
trants are going TO be on the
waiting list a long time.
This also applies to those in
the lower notches OF the $3.50
registration if the government
displays no more CELEBRITY in TAX
ing advantage of their services
per draft than il has on their
voluntary offers. Thousands of
good men of middle age have
been trying for months 10 serve
their country in capacities for
which they are well qualified
only to be ignored while young
sters are being used in the
executive positions.
IF THE new registration is to
Il enable the government to
identify and classify men of
from as 10 65 that il will really
use according to their capabili-
ties, well and good. Many men
up 10 As are still physically fit
for combat service. if necessary,
especially if they have had
previous war experience.
Many up 10 65 would probably
competently discharge duties
now assigned to kids who
would probably prefer being
with the fighting divisions.
But l think the registration
in cancellations Of war of most
of those around 65 slightly
ludicrous as against their phvsi-
cal condition and the fact that
this nation has such an enormous
reservoir Of youth TO draw on.
You know very well il is un-
likely those old geezers will
ever be called for any purpose.
Still if the nation needs them,
there they stand-or, at least.
lean.
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