Evening star., 1942-11-25

=. s&. to visit old Re-
paint, who has
Henry McLemore. been in dead
storage since last May. wanted to
get the serial numbers of his tires.
1t was while burrowing in the rust
and cobwebs and termites that now
have taken charge of old Re-paintc
"a spider was amusing himself
blowing the horn when I arrived.
and a little beaver like animal had
set up light housekeeping in the
back seat that I decided to tell
the Government every blessed thin
there was to know about me. q
One QUESTIONABLE at a time. the
Government has been ferreting out
information on its citizens. I have.
looked at so many printed forms
(when my taste runs to more ami
mated types of forms) that a few
more Fill in here-Do not fill in be-
low-Print Clearly" instructions and
I will be of to the neighborhood
nuttery. %
Just think of the forms we have
filled out already. There was the.
first draft QUESTIONABLE. Then
there was the second one. Then
there was the form for sugar, gas
oline and new tires. Soon there will
be forms for lots of other things.
Already I have shown the first
symptoms of fountain pen elbow
and the family physician says that
unless I hibernate to a cave I am
almost certain to catch that new
and dread disease "Leonhender-
sonia"
So here is everything I think the
Government will ever want to know
about me. am IS years old and my
ears are about the size of bookends..
My hair is red and there is Just
about enough of it left to fill S1.35s
gold-f1lled locket. At the rate it is,
retreating, however, there won't be
enough left a year from now to
make the cross bars In binocular.
My waistline and shoulders are
exactly the same width and my walk
Is like that Of penguin with a,
rock in his shoe. The hardest word
in the English language for me to-
Write is government" I still don't
think there is an m after the 'r.",
I am a firm believer In two saw
ings of o. B. Keeler. The first Is.
Never trust a man who says he is
not afraid of his wife. because he'll
lie about other things, too" The
second is: Il can resist everything
but temptation I don't like good
steak. The thickest, juiciest sirloin
Is as nothing compared to a we'll
done hamburger. or thin little bit
Of meat all covered with -four and
fried until 1t can't wiggle in thick
cream gravy.
MY glove size-well, the Gov-
ernment (notice I got that N" In
! there) will never know 1t. Put
pair OF gloves on me and I am so
helpless that I can't open a revolv-
ing door.
There is nothing that I wouldn't
rather do than sit at typewriter
and write anything. One of my
happiest moments was when I read
that Joseph Conrad hated to write
so much that he had to be practi-
cally knocked down and locked In
a room to make him turn out a
word. Me and Joseph. Joseph and
Me.
Not ever having known Robert e.
Lee, Ill settle for Grantland Rice
as the finest type of gentleman l
have ever known. Not wing met
Mrs. Robert E. Lee, I'll settle for
Kate Rice, ditto. The best all-round
host I ever shared a roof with Is
Clarence Burlington Kelland. He
meets you at the door Of his home
with highball in one hand. and a
guest column in the other. For
travelling companions give me Gems
Fowler, Guy Kibbee, Pat OBrien.
Johnny Kieran, Al Holder, Joe vii.
liams, Bill Corum, Dick Andrade,
Tommy Thompson, Red Mich, Bogis
Rogers and-holy smoke, can't be-
gin to tell the Government watch
that "n," boys) all the fellows I'd
like to be around with, always. ]
have always wanted a tattoo mark
but have had to settle for 5000 900
freckles.
You are probably pretty sick hear
ing about me. Well, don't complain,
I'm just as tired writing about my.
self.
But de guvviment, he seems to
want to know mighty neah all theah
Is to know about us folks.
distributed BY McNauRht srndicsts Yn.1