Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-08-17

from these copper, bronze, lead
and iron eye-Sores that dot our
parks and public places from
coast to coast. they must not be
melted down but be dropped as
is on the enemy.
They would serve a dual pur-
pose. They would destroy any
thing they landed on, and then
there they'd be TO outrage that
per cent of the enemy populace
which had any esthetie sense
whatsoever.
WHAT a war of nerves we
w could launch by bombing
Japan and Germany with our
statues.
Men and women have proved
that they can withstand ordi-
nary bombs. But imagine the
inhabitants of a city coming out
of their shelters after an all
clear" TO find themselves COM
pletely surrounded. face-to-face
with thousands of Civil War
equestrian statues.
Everywhere they turned they
would be challenged by a gentle
man wearing either a sharp
billed cap or floppy campaign
hat, waving sword and ham
ding a rearing horse whose feet
and name were all out of pro-
portion to his head and tail.
How do you think Emperor
Hirohito would react TO a stand
ard Doolittle. bombing?
The chances are he would
patter down TO his underground
vault, roll few of his an
cestors' bones while his aides
faded him and come safely out
when il was all over.
But how do you think Hiro-
hito would feel if he looked
across the imperial palace lawn
and saw il Uttered with busts
and statues of Daniel Webster?
Hundreds and hundreds OF
Daniel Websters, all wearing
that grim. forbidding look that
sculptors have decided that d.
Webster must wear.
There must be enough statues
OF Daniel Webster scattered
across the United States to
cover Toxic. If there aren't, we
surely have enough Henry
Wadsworth Longfellows and
Ralph Waldo Emersons to take
up the slack.
NOV, let US switch to Berlin
~ A raid on tn a t city is
planned. At II p. m. the first
wave of heavy bombers sweeps
across the city, dropping nothing
but busts of Shakespeare. of
which there must be a full mil
lion in this country. From the
outskirts of the city to the cor
ner of Inter Der Linden and
Main. Berlin is plastered with
busts of the bard.
At 11:10 p. m. the Boeing Fly
ing Fortresses, operating from
even higher ceiling, cross the
city and unload the thousands
of iron deer which have been
gathered chiefly from the lawns
of Elks clubs.
Even Goering would tremble
when a bow-legged deer. bearing
the strange lettering B. p. O. K. "
across its tanks, plum X c d
sQuarely down in front of him.
At 11:25. the Bostons would
come roaring in. scattering for
gotten Spanish-American War
heroes as if they were confetti.
No one in his right mind can
look on a Spanish-American War
statue without fear and trem-
bling. The statue always has a
mustache, 10 begin with. and is
dressed in a uniform so cumber-
some that II puts the lie to any
talk of charge up San Juan
Hill.
The men may have "hobbled"
up Jan Juan Hill. but they never
charged in those uniforms.
At IL as lighter ships bearing
statues of all Americas light
weight orators would dive in
and drop their cargoes. Any
man in this country who ever
made a speech lasting over an
hour has been cast in some sort
of metal.
A few thousand OF these.
their arms appraised, would come
closer TO shattering the nerves
of the stolid German burghers
than a carload of INT block
busters.
At midnight, to end the at
tack. single fighting ship
would Swoop low over the chan
celery and drop the statue Of
BALTIC on the roof. Even Hitler,
as callous and cold as he is.
would be shaken 10 wake up in
the morning and have an Alas
kan dog. hot-footing it for
Nome, staring him in the face.
/ IVES, the President has un-
Il covered a mighty secret
weapon.
Singapore may we'll he re-
taken by a flood of { Hoods
Beauregards. JackSonS. Sher-
mans and Stuarts-fighting this
time on the same side.
/ ,-,..-,,.-.. -. ,,.--..,. e.at-. -,