Jackson advocate. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1939-current, 1942-04-25
INSTALLMENT Is

that one way to end fear and
shame was to make all those black
people act together. rule them. tell
them what to do, and make them
do it. Dimly, he felt that there
should be one direction in which
he and all other black people could
go whole heartedly; that there
should be a way IN which gnawins
hunger and restless aspiration
could be fused; that there should
be q manner Of acting that caught
the mind and body in certainty
and faith.
But he felt that such would new
er happen TO him and his black
PEOPLE. and he hated them and
wanted to wave his hand and blot
them cut Yet, he still hoped,
vaguely OF late he had liked TIC
hear tell of men who could rule
others. for in actions such as these
he felt that there was way TO
escape from this tight morass of
fear and shame that sapped at the
base Of his life. He liked to hear
how japan was conquering China:
of how Hitler was running the Jews
| TO the ground; Of fcW Mussolini
was invading Spain. He was NOT
concerned with whether these acts
we're night or wrong: they sirlrl
appealed To him as possible ave-
nues Of escape. He felt That some
day there would be a black man
who would whip The black people
into tight band and together
they would act and end fear and
shame. He never thought Of this
in precise mental images; he fell
it; ne would feel it for a while
and then forget, But hope was al
ways waiting somewhere deep
down in him.
IT was fear that had made him
fight Gus in the poolroon If he
had felt certain CT himself and Of
Gus, he would not have fought
But he knew Gus. as he knew him
self. and he knew that one CT their
might fail through fear at the de-
cisive moment. How could he
think of going to roo Blums tina
way? He distrusted and feared G!ls
and he knew that Gus distrusted
and feared him; and the moneni
he tried to band himself and Gus
together to do something. he woulo
hate Gus and himself. Ultimately
though, his hate and hope turned
outward from himself to Gus; hjs
hope toward a vague benevolent
something that would help and
lead him. and his hate toward the
whites; for he felt that they ruler
him, even when they were far away
and not thinking of him, ruled
him, even when they were Tar
away and not thinkir4g CT him
| ruled him by conditioning him in
his relations to his own peenle
The street car crawled through
the snow; Drexel Boulevard was
he next stop. He lifted the suit
ease and stood at the door. In
| Few minutes he would know II
Mary had burned The car stopp-
| ed, he swung off anG walked
| through snow as deep as his an
kles, heading for Dalton'S
| When he got to the driveway he
saw that the car was standing just
as he had left it, but all covered
with a soft coat Of snow. The house
| looked white and silent. He un-
latched the gate and went cast the
car, seeing before his eyes an I'M
age Of Mary, her bloody neckJust
| inside the furnace and her head
with its curly black hair lying upon
The soggy newspapers. He paused.
/ He could turn round now and go
rack. He could get into the car
and he miles from here before any
| body knew it.
BUT WHY RUN away unless
there was good reason? He had
some money to make a run Tor IL
| when the time came. And he hao
his gun. His fingers trembled SO
that he had difficulty in unlocking
the door: but they were not trennp-
ling from fear. 1t was KIND OF
eagerness he felt, a confidence,
fullness, freedom; his whole LIE
was caught up in supreme ana
meaniugful act. He pushed the
door in. then was stone-still, suck
ING his breath In softly. In the
red glare of the furnace stood a
shadowy figure. Is that Mrs. Dali
ton? But it was taller and stout
er than Mrs. Dalton. Oh, 1t was
Peggy! She stood with her back
to him, little bent. She seemed
to be peering hard into the fur
mace. She didn't hear me come IN,
he thought. Maybe I ought to go!
But before he could move Peggy
turned around.
ooh, good morning. Bigger
He did not answer.
I'm glad you came. I was just
about to put more coal in the fur
nace."
"IIl fix it, Man,"
He ceme forward, straining his
eyes to see if any traces of Mary
were In the furnace. When he
reached Peggy's side he saw that
she was staring through the cracks
Of the door at the red bed of livid
Goals.
s'The fire was very hot last
night" Peggy said. ssBut this
morning it got low"
TN fix it," Bigger said, standing
and not daring to open the door
Of the furr'9"e while she stood
there besid Am In the red dark
ness. He heard the duh roar Of
TIE draft going upwards and