Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-08-25
Boss Wife
Boosts Gate,
Aids Hitters
But She's Too Modern
for OId-Timer
BY wESTBROOK PEGLER

customers a bonus of SIPS with
every 50-cent ticket for the
bleachers, why things gradually
began 10 get worse and worse
with our ball club.
From a wonderful prospect
that spring we went haywire
like ! told you after they hired
Charlie Dissenat TO run the
club and he brings his wife in
to sit on the bench with the
players and help run the team.
! never knew woman with
so many ideas about everything,
and she hardly ever seen a game
OF ball in all her life before, but
the first thing you know il
turns out she thinks baseball is
like the slums and you have got
10 help out everybody, even If
they are strictly no good.
IKE. for instance, some pro-
IL fessor from a night school
downtown where they don't
study arithmetic or writing or
reading or how 10 be a doctor.
but a school where they just
have discussions why people
aren't happy. Well, he got an
idea you ought TO help out the
weak hitters because otherwise
they would get discouraged and
might start a revolution.
So he bends the old lady's ear
and next day she comes up with
a new rule that if you are hit
ting over 300, then you only get
two strikes and If you get
double. why it is only good for a
single and a triple is only good
for two and they take the extra
base off for income tax.
WELL, naturally, this caused
w quite a lot of confusion and
the official scorers and the UNI
pires don't know where they are
at and the fans get so disguised
they don't even listen 10 the
game on the radio any more.
But still we are drawing the
greatest crowds you ever saw
because that bonus with the
bleacher ticket gets all the mugs
and the Bulgarian economist
who got up this idea he steps
into the business office after
poor Eddie died and. right in
the middle of the season. he
starts building the bleacher 10
stories high. with elevators 70
accommodate tn c phenomenal
growth Of business.
Every once in awhile the
stockholders put up a beef that
this bonus thing IS eating up the
clubs reserve but the govern
ment caught one Of them mon
keying with the income and he
had 10 90 10 Jail and that took
care of the stockholders.
4 IL the time I was noticing
"A that when we were down in
the hole. Mrs. Dissenat why she
was always very partial 10 left
handlers and left-hand hitters
and plenty of chill for right
handlers.
She was always polite 10 me
and called me Mr.. Dunno,
whereas she called left-handers
by their front name, but any
time / had anything 10 say about
how we might pull a game out
of the hole why she would
brush me off and do the OPP
poSite way.
DY THAT time. We weren I
- playing baseball any more.
anyway. but just crazy stun and
YOU could never prove anything
by the rule book and the UNI
pires didn't know where they
were at. but the bleacher fans
didn't mind because they were
getting that bonus and, more
over, she was now giving them
free picnic lunch with every
ticket and two bits extra Tor
each child they brought.
You never saw so many peSky
little kids in your life, running
all over the field. and then she
hit on the idea OF bringing the
fans into the dugout with guides
10 point out the players and
they would set on the bench and
steal your glove or your bat and
YOU couldn't tell who was who.
She even brought parties OF
fans into the dressing room and
/ lost my watch and my wallet
with $40 the first day. and when
YOU would 60 TO take your
shower you would find some fat
old dame in there scrubblng
down a lot Of kids.
T AM not against the people in
i any way. but when you are
chasing a fly and you have 10
step over a picnic in short CEN
ter and eggshells and babies all
over the place it certainly gets
on your nerves.
II got so you couldn't tell the
score or who won or the stand
ing of the clubs. and out is safe
and a home run is against the
law if you are good hitter, but
a long foul is a homer If YOU are
bum. especially a left-hand
bum and the guys in the press
corr are out of their mind try
ing 70 explain IL because it
doesn't make any sense.
I still saw she WAS nice and