Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-08-23

I'd stack Annie's costume up against
Stacks any time, anywhere. When Annie
stopped over to pick buttercup to hold UNI
der her dimpled chin she didn't have any over
whelming reason TO regret it. And am sorry
to state that midde-aged slackerettes are not
very graceful when they tie their shoelaces
Their Stacks tighten up like frozen brakebands
Girls If you want the boys to go for you
like a paperhanger for his ladder don't wear
trousers if it requires more than a minute
for your parade to march past a given en-
bonpoint.
When the Judge saw Maude Miller raking
the alfalfa she wore a fascinating sunbonnet
tied with a chinstrap and a printed ging-
ham gown. The Judge fell like the walls of
Jericho the third encore. But If Maude
had been wearing Stacks betcha the Judge
would have lit out Of there like scalded cat
And don't think that am criticizing the
dowagers too harshly. But there is nothing
more attractive than a simple printed dress
that follows the curves of the figure without
making the wearer look like a half-mile
track.
My advice is: Be woman and not a
scarecrow.
And when you are tipping the drugstore
scales and the drugstore too don't try to COM
pete with your sixteen-year old daughter in
the old corral.
The esthetic Oscar Wilde claimed that the
female figure divine was only graceful when
draped in repose. Oscar never saw the
American college girl swimming, riding. play
ing tennis, hockey ice-skatng and Ginning
herself on daisy chain. But Oscar was right
about the English matrons of his time And
he would still be correct about the Ameri-
can matron of today in sacks.
The fatsome dowager Of fifty waddline
down the boulevard in skn-tight Stacks looks
like postponed accident going somewhere
to happen.
She is a sculptor's idea Of femininity. But
owing to priorities, and bronze being scarce.
the artist was forced to make the statue out
of glucose, tapioca and chewing gum during
the recent heat wave. Naturally she didn't
jell and overfowed her banks
Them's harsh words and I know it, But
the last time I saw a veteran debutante
bending over in her Stacks I thought hurri-
cane had blown a dome off a mosque.
When I looked again as I always do
saw it was lady in an awkward position
accentuated by tight pants Here was a
chance for Sir Walter Raleigh TO throw his
cloak over the situation However the d.
mensions called for a sealed bid by the New
ark Tent and Tarpaulin Company
lady approaching the two hundred
pound mark should use extreme caution and
judgment in the way she dresses You can
see that at the weight she has a figure that
is allergic to sacks. One thing to remem-
Der always is that putting geranum in a
butter tub does not make it Grecian vase.
Well, we've gone over the subject like a
barber waxing his own mustache And bv
now. your can guess that do not, approve of
gelatlnous mammas wearing Josephne's
pants of many colors. That opinion would
make you as correct as twelve to the dozen.
l have observed many signs fronting
roadside taverns and dancing pavilions ex-
horting the ladies TO, Relax in Their Slax
Also, Rest in Your Vest" and Dance in
Your Pancc"
But stout women in Stacks cannot relax
They are wearing strait-jackets in bright
colors.
Before closing up the old sarcastic store
for the day I again implore, beseech and
adjure the sistcrn 20 shun the ubiauitous
Stacks. Especially If you are bit on the hip
side
Hindsight is better than foresight.
And. II we could see ourselves as others
sec US there would be more police whistles
blown.