The Phoenix index., 1942-02-28
Bigger Is Miserable In
Company OF White Folks

looking at Jan and Jan was look
at her. There was no miStaking the
meaning of the look in their eyes.
To Bigger it was plainly a beWilder-
ed and questioning look, look
that asked: What on earth is
wrong with him? Bigger's teeth
clamped tight and he stared
before him.
Aren't you coming with us, Big
ger '' Mary asked in a sweet tone:
The people in Ernfe's Kitchen
Shack knew him and he did not
want them to see him with these
white people. He knew that if he
went in they would ask one an
other: Who're them white folks
Bigger's hanging around with?
"Arent you hungry?" Jan asked.
"Naw. 1 amt hungry"
Jan and Mary came close to the
car. " Come and sit with us anyhow"
Jan said.
I" l.. )" Bigger stammered. It'll
be all right" Mary said.
II can stay here. Somebody has
to watch the car" he said.
"Oh, to hell with car! Mary said.
"Come on in"
st don't want to eat" Bigger said
stubbornly.
well" Jan sighed. eff that's the
way you feel about it we won't go
in"
Bigger felt trapped. He saw in a
flash that he could have made all
of this very easy if he had simply
acted from the beginning as if they
were doing nothing unusual. But he
did not understand them; he dis
trusted them, really hated them. He
was puzzled as to why they were
treating him this way. But, after
all, this was his job and it was just
as painful to sit here and let them
stare at him as it was to go in.
20. K.,'' he mr1nbled angrily. He
got out and slammed the door. Mary
came close to him and caught his
arm. He stared at her in a long
silence; it was the first time he
had ever looked directly at her, and
he was able to do so only because
he was angry.
Bigger" she said, "you don't
have to come in unless you really
want to. Please don't think e. oh,
Bigger. We're not trying to make
you feel badly"
Her voice stopped. In the dim
light of the street lamp Bigger saw
her eyes cloud and her lips tremble.
She SWayed against the car. He
stepped backward, as though she
were contaminated with an invisible
contagion Jan slipped his arm about
her waist, supporting her. Bigger
heard her sob softly. Good Godl He
had wild impulse to turn around
and walk away. He felt ensnared
in tangle Of deep shadows, shad-
oWS as black as the night that
stretched above his head.
The way he had acted had made
her cry, and yet the way she had
acted had made him feel that he
had TO act as he had toward her
In his relations with her he felt
that he was riding a seesaw; never
were they on common level;
either he or she was up in the air.
Mary dried her eyes and Jan whis-
pered something to her. Bigger
wondered what he could say to his
mother, or the relief, or Mr. Dali
ton, if he left them. They would be
sure to ask why he had walked
off his job, and he would not be
able TO tell. I'm all right, now,
JAM" he heard Mary say. I'm sor-
ry. I'm just fool, / suppose
acted a ninny." She lifted her eyes
! to Bigger. Don't mind me, Bigger.
I'm just silly, 1 guess " He said
nothing.
"COme on, Bigger" Jan said in
voice that sought to cover up
everything. Lets eat" Jan caught
his arm and tried to pull him for
ward, but Bigger hung back. Jan
and Mary walked toward the en-
trance of the cafe and Bigger fol-
lowed, confused and reSentful. Jan
went to small table near a wall.
"Sit down, Bigger"
Bigger sat. Jan and MarJ sat in
front of him. you like fried
chicken?" Jan asked. "Yessuh," he
whispered. He scratched his head.
How on earth could he learn not to
say yessuh and yessum to white
people in one night when he had
been saying it all his life long? He
looked before him in such a way
that his eyes would not meet theirs
The waitress came and Jan ordered
three beers and three portions OF
fried chicken. Hi, Bigger!"
He turned and saw Jack waving
at him, but staring at Jan and
Mary. He waved a stiff palm in
return. Jack walked away hurried
ly. Cautiously, Bigger looked around,
the mattresses and several people
at other tables were staring at him
They all knew him and he knew
that they were wondering as he