The Waterbury Democrat., 1942-10-21
aOW TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A M CELEBRITY

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 Always be in Q hurry, even if you have no place to go Make your private life public property 4. Hire a press agent and bawl him out if he can't get your name among the pfront page war events Be sure your library consists only of your scrapbook DO anything to at. tract attention, even if it means act- ting normal Attend all the first nights but arrive late so everybody can notice your entrance No matter how excited you are, never show 1t in public. A careless air of boredom is the correct attitude |. Never fail to discuss your career as If the future of civilization depended on 1t No matter how silly 1t seems, develop some kind of ec- centricity = it's bound to make talk .,. Anything you do to keep your name in circulation is worth while, even if it is mentioned only in whis- pers.
 Never be without some stooge who will continually pat your ego :. Frequent all the best amusement places, but always sit there accom- panied by worried expression !. Never stick to a friend who can't do youa favor. Put up big front, no matter how many people you have to stab in the back Make an art of entering Q Joynt. Maximum attention must be garnered at all times Talk big-there are bound to be a few people who will believe you Never admit your career can suffer defeat. If you do get Q setback, blame 1t on the breaks :. Expect every headwaiter to greet you like a long lost treasure :. Even if you don't have stomach trouble, complain about 1t. It's 8 celebrity'S occupational disease.
 Be nice to fellow celebs until they turn their backs Always have somebody who will laugh at your quipS, no matter how poor they are Take one drink too many and behave like a fool In public place
 Insist that you enjoy privacy, out complain if you don't get enough publicity Don't bother to thank 9 newspaper for the nice things It prints, but damn it if 1t prints one critical item Never go any place unless you get the best seats, but always expect to get them gratis Be more impressed by phony flat tery than a sincere rap ... If you can't get your name in the papers for 1t, don't bother doing anything nice Discuss fame as though you invented 1t.
 Make sure you know all the latest quips, even If you don't know what's going on in the rest of the world. Remember that the greatest social crime of all is to lose face Next to boosting yourself, the most important part of your conversation should be devoted to bragging about all the biggies you know By all means act sophisticated, even if you don't know how to spell the word Look upon honest, normal peo- pie as saps although you may se- cretay envy them Always be an ardent follower of The Thing to DO. Frixample: If the fad is playing gin-Yummy in joynts, do It. even Ii playing cards boreS you stiff Al- ways be ready with an opinion on any subject, even if it's borrowed Put yourself in a position where you can do fayors. Your celeb sta- tus Is usually judged by how many fayors you can do Never treat anybody as a friend, only as a con- tact" who can help you in your business Be cynical about every thing. It gives people the impress sion that you are shrewd.
 Tell everybody about the glamor- ous life you lead, although your lie may be about as glamorous as a prune As soon as you know an important person 8 few minutes, start calling him by his first name Judge your success by how many people know you, not by how many oeople like you Worry about the faults the spotlight shows up, but worry more when the spotlight swings away from you Be very ambitious and don't care whom you have to step on to realize that ann bition No matter how much you have, be envious of the fellow att he next table who has more Make nasty cracks about your friends, put be completely surprised when you discover they're doing the same thing to you.
 Never be sincere. It will give the people around you the impression that you are dope Have the idea it's more important to be ac- uuainted with the So-caued rlgnl people than have the friendship oi a few ordinary persons .. No mat ter what you have to do to make an impression on others, do It, ever if 1t means cutting off your family without a cent Make sure you have the right enemies. They're just as important to a celeb as having the right friends.
 It Is permissible for you to snut others, but never forgive those whc snilb you Never miss chance to take an undeserved bow, but make sure you can blame your booS or others No matter how silly Il seems, do something that will sci you off from the crowd Make ID your mind that nothing is more important than grabbing some news
 
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