The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1942-08-20
RADIO COMMERCIALS YOU
NEVER HEAR

RADIO COMMERCIALS YOU
NEVER HEAR
9. And it is generally recog-
nized that a second front is of ire
mendous importance if civilization
is to be saved. Now a word about
Twidgett's Bread. Mr.. Twidgett
claims only one thing for his
bread: it is just good bread. We
have been too busy baking good
bread to spare much time investi-
eating vitamins. Twidgett makes
bread the best way he knows how
and there have never been any COM
plants.
"At this time between the Wash
ington news on second front and
the last minute tremendous news
from Russia, we wish to mention
Twidgett's Sugar Buns. But only a
mention, not a speech. Darned
good buns, we think. We do not,
claim that our armed
forces cannot win the war if de-
prived of them
AT this point, after which the
news of the greatest naval fight
in history, don't forget Bottles
Beer. It's made like most other
beer, tastes like most other beer
and, as matter of fact, IS like
most other beer. We think,
however, it is more popular and
our sales so indicate. 1t will
not restore hair, cure intestinal
troubles, give you new outlook
on life, solve the whole problem
OF evenings at home, make you
a success in your business or
simplify your gas and rubber
cares. Bottles beer is excellent,
but we don't want to seem silly
about it."
"Pausing for a moment between
the tremendous news from Asia and
the sensational dispatches from the
Near East, we wish to take a few
seconds for the Green Mountain
Stogies. If they were not popular
stogie where would we get the dough
tor this radio program? They won't
DO thing for you except give you
good smoke. All we can say
about the tobacco is that it's the
best we can buy. Without making
ridiculous with an infantile
melody to the effect that without
Green Mountain Stogies life is not
worth living, we return to the war
news, which we feel little
guilty about interrupting :"
And now, while civilization bat
les for its very existence a word
about Hunkey's Goo Goo Bars.
They're a candy. The kids seem
% love 'em. They don't give a
uhoop whether they are filled with
Jitamins A B c and D or not.
Neither do We. We are conscien-
ious candy makers and know our
business. Our sales have doubled
since we cut out our somewhat alb
'urd commercials, ditties and jim
5les and just interrupted this pro-
gram for few brief, simple men
ion of our popular product. We
wish we had thought of it before"
"ThiS account of the graveSt
battle to date is now interrupted
for a mention of Zigger's Cook
ing Grease. Just a mention.
There it is. Thank you. And
back to the war news!"
RETORT
The reason tohy quart Of beer
Displeases you is uery clear;
For this l say, deuoid Of fear,
Il quart is practically NO BEER.
DIR. Fell.
The U. S. post office department
eports big loss. 1t seems to us
hat most of the income must 60 to
designing and issuing newer and
bigger postage stamps.
Henry Ford has reached his 18th
ear. And we hope somebody was
enough to bake him a
cake with 70 gas coupons
n it.
If Major Andre were alive today
What defense he could make! He
ould say he just came ashore for
lis hat.
Most men can't help wonder
ing how WAAC reacts to a
sharp command Fright dressw
Can You Remember
Away back before husbands
went down to the station to see
their wives off to an army
camp?
Things have reached a point
on the highways of America
where drivers of horses and bug
gies are urged to go slow so they
won't brighten automobiles.
NJ HOPE!
-Four gallons Ueek,
Four gallons ,ueek;
II my cars thirsty
Its future is bleak.
The Danbury Fair has been
called off on account of the gas
and rubber shortage. This is
going to throw a lot of cooch
dancers, snake charmers, side
show freaks and terrible ham,
burg cooks out of autumn work.
1t is Elmer Twitchell's belief that
ew things harm the morale of
more than listening to
United States congressman on the
'orum of the Air. "You don't know
What incoherency is until you have
card 'em," insists Mr.. Twitchell.