The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1942-02-05
AUTO RATIONING

doctor?
A.-No, but my feet are just as
tender.
Q.-Are you farm veterinarian?
Ais this a car rationing bureau
or an Information Please program?
Q.-Are you engaged in fire fight
ing?
A.-No; that's just an impression
some people get from the way I
drive.
Q.-Are you engaged in crime pre-
vention?
A.-No, but if you'll let me have
a new auto I'll give any cop lift
from now on.
Q.-Are you engaged in law en-
forcement?
Ayes. I'm lawyer.
OIL said enforcement" not
"evasion"
Al didn't come here to be in
suited.
Q.-That's all right; we don't
mind doing it. Listen, do you re-
gard a new car as necessity?
A.-Positively.
Q.-Give three reasons.
A.-Well, first of all, live four
blocks from my Office, and without
car I would have to negotiate the
entire distance on foot. Second, we
use the car to go to church.
Q.-How far is the church?
Ats almost an eighth of a
mile!
Q.-What's your third reason for
regarding car as indispensable?
Any third reason is the most
important of all.
Q.-What is it?
Aft didn't have an automobile
where would I store all those out
dated road maps and useless tools?
RIMES ON PUBLIC DUTY
Folks who buy
Defense stamps gladly
Speed the day
Our foes run madly.
Those who buy
Bonds make more certain
Hitler'u get
An early curtain.
Ed Pearson, who has evidently
been fiat hunting, says he can't I'M
derstand why the ads don't group
apartments under three headings:
furnished, unfinished and under
furnished.
The United States department of
agriculture is working on a motor
fuel made from corn and potatoes.
Juliet Colt says it is going to seem
funny to ask the station attendant
for six bushels of high test.
CANDIDATES FOR THE
FIRING SQUAD
A guy on whom I'd pour hot gravy
Is always asking, where's our
navy?"
CAN YOU REMEMBER
Away back when a post-office
clerk sold nothing but postage
stamps at the stamp window?
Ina Dodo bought one of those
U. S. auto tax stamps today and she
says she is going to buy one every
day and save them until maturity.
Canned beer may be discontinued
due to the need for tin. It is okay
with us. We never did like reach
ing into the icebox for a glass of
beer and coming out with can Of
tomatoes.
Moe Berg, Boston Red Sox ball
player, has retired from the dia-
mond to become a government good
will ambassador to Pan America.
This is most encouraging. We have
long had distinct impression that
our team in that area was weak
both in the field and at the bat.
Mr.. Berg speaks nine languages.
But the umpires were always able
to defeat him in one.
We favor more baseball players in
our diplomatic forces. You can't
name one in twenty in our entire
diplomatic service who has color,
speed, punch or even good throw
ing arm. We will never think an
envoy is really good until we see
some kids surround him and ask
for an autograph.
Why ban those radio quiz pro-
grams? If the enemy gets as much
wrong information from them as
the American people do everything
will be just ducky.
THINGS WE HOPE WILL BE
RATIONED
Paper napkins.
2.-Lunchroom coffee.
3.-Paper cups.
4.-Railroad train sandwiches.
5.-Cigarette lighters.
With all these priorities, we wish
somebody would announce severe
rationing of the following items:
Drug store salads.
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