The Phoenix index., 1942-02-28
By RICHARD WRIGHT
(INSTALLMENT EIGHTY

aIt's all right, Bigger" she said,
"Jan means it,"
He flushed warm with anger. Was
she laughing at him? Were they
making fun Of him? What was it
that they wanted? Why didn't they
leave him alone? He was not both
ering them. Yes, anything could
happen with people like these. His
entire mind and body were pain
fully concentrated into single
sharp point of attention. He was
trying desperately TO understand. He
felt foolish sitting behind the steer
ing wheel like this and letting
white man hold his hand. What
would people passing along the
street think? He was very con-
scious of his black skin and there
was in him a prodding conviction
that Jan and men like him had made
IL so that he would be conscious OF
that black skin. Did not white
people despise black skin? Then
why was Jan doing this? Why was
Mary standing there so eagerly,
with shining eyes? What could they
get out of this? Maybe they did not
despise him? But they made him
feel his black skin by just stand
ing there looking at him, one hold
ing his hand and the other smiling.
He felt he had no physical existence
at all right then; he was something
ne hated, the badge OF shame
which he knew was attached 70 a
black skin. 1t was shadoWy re-
zion. a NO Mans Land, the ground
that separated the white world
from the black that he stood upon.
He felt naked, transparent; he felt
that this white man, having helped
TO put him down, having helped to
deform him, held him up now 10
look at him and pe amused. AT that
moment he felt toward Mary and
Jan a dumb, cold, and inarticulate
hate.
LET me drive awhile" Jan said,
letting go Of his hand and opening
the door.
Bigger looked at Mary. She came
forward and touched his arm. "It's
all right, Bigger" she said. He
turned in the seat to get out, but
Jan stopped him.
mo, stay In and move over" He
slid over and Jan took his place
at the wheel. He was still feeling
his hand strangely; It seemed that
the pressure of JAMS fingers had
left an indelible imprint, Mary was
getting into the front seat, too.
Move over, Bigger" she said.
He moved over, closer to Jan.
Mary pushed herself in, wedgfng
tightly between him and the outer
door of the car. There were white
people to either side of him; he was
sitting between two vast White
looming walls. Never in his life had
he been so close to a white woman.
He smelt the odor Of her hair. Jan
headed the car back to the Outer
Drive. weaving in and out of the
line of traffic. Soon they were
speeding along the lake front, past
a huge flat sheet OF duly cleaning
water. The sky was heavy with snow
clouds and the wind was blowing
strong. Isn't il glorious tonight?"
she asked. God, yesl' Jan said.
Bigger listened to the tone OF
their voices, to their strange ac-
cents. TO the exuberant phrases that
flowed so freely from their lips.
.'That skyl" "And that waterF"
''Its so beautiful it makes you
ache just 10 look at it," said Mary
"This is a beautiful world Bigger"
IAN said, turning TO him. Look at
that skyline!" Bigger looked with
out turning his head; he just roll
ed his eyes. Stretching to one side
of him was a vast sweep OF tall
buildings flecked with tiny squares
of yellow light.
"Well own all that some day,
Bigger" Jan said with a wave OF
his hand. "After the revolution it'll
be ours. But we1l have to fight
for it, What a world to win, Bigger!
And when that day comes, things'l
be different. There'n be no white
and no black; therell be no rich
and no DOOR" Bigger said nothing.
The car whirred along. eve seem
strange to you, don't we Bigger?'
Mary asked.
"Oh, no'm,' he breathed softly,
Knowing that she did not believe
him, but finding it impossible TO
answer her in any other way. HIS
arms and legs were aching from
being cramped into so small
space, but he dared not move. He
knew that they would not have