Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-08-05
LET'S Laugh:
Homemade
Gas Mask
Fails in Oven
Author Tests His Outfit
but-What's Cookin'7
BY HENRY McLEMoRE

THE least any civilian can do
Il these days is 10 see 10 IL
that he is prepared 10 take care
OF himself in any emergency.
That is why / am now engaged
in the biggest undertaking of
my lfe-the making Of a gas
mask.
The instructions in the paper
made il sound so simple. 1t said
all you had 10 do was 10 get
yourself pair of fly swatters,
rubber bathing cap or pair OF
baby panties, a medium-sized tin
can, and a few other simple
household things. stitch them to-
gether. and you'd be ready for
the enemy 10 do his worst.
Well, perhaps an experienced
gas mask maker can whip all
these things together in no time
al all, but I'll be honest and adj
NIT that after three days Of
pretty solid work all / have is
eeHtrsptiou that looks like The
cap Happy Hooligan used 10
wear and is guaranteed 10
smother the wearer in three
minutes fiat
MY gas mask doesn't look anv-
A'A thing like the pictures Of
the completed one that ran in
the paper. The can sits right
on top OF my head, the fly swat
ters hang over my ears, giving
me the appearance Of A hungry
bloodhound, and the bathing cap
fits securely over my face. shut
ting of all vision and forcing me
10 gasp for air.
/ first tried out my mask in
the closet where the winter
clothes are stored, and there is
a moth ball for every broken
heart or light on Broadway. I
chose a spot between an over
coat and caH1els hair SWEATER.
Immediately l knew some
thing was wrong All ! could
smell were moth balls. I got
out in time. One more Whit
and the police pulmotor squad
would have had 10 work over
time to'brlng me back TO life.
GO started all over again on
u my mask. This time l fol-
lowed instructions 10 the letter.
/ tapped the carriers. my best
pair, 10 the cap so that il would
hold the rubber snugly over my
head
! cut hole in the mask for
vision Just As The instructions
said. and covered the hole with
the celluloid powder puff cover.
| cut the tin can juS where
u said il must be cut, filed il
with simple chemicals. sealed il
with handkerchiefs and the Fly
SWatters.
This done" the instructions
read your mask is complete.
Ready for five hours OF steady
use"
4 GAINST the advice Of those
"A who love me. | decided 10
put the mask 10 a real test.
Slipping IL On-thiS time I could
see enough 10 grope along with
out A guido made Decline
into the kitchen, pulled up
chair IN front of the stove. and
turned on the gas in the oven.
Then | poked my head in the
oven and shut the door as far as
II would shut. / am now pre-
pared 10 tell YOU how a leg of
lamb suffers when II is being
roasted Also. the agonies that
a young and innocent squash
undorgoeS while being cooked.
and the heartacheS and final
moments Of a casserole of pOta-
toes an gratin.
was really cooking with gas
al this moment.
The carriers slipped down The
rubber bathing cap slipped up.
The tin can slipped TO one side.
The fly swatters dropped off. AS
result, there / was with my
head in an over. quickly and
surely being asphyXiated
My life passed in review.
regretted soaping those windows
on Halloween and dropping the
Sneoze powder down the hot air
ventilator during Miss WheelerS
fifth grade history class.
| regretted taking my Sunday
school collection money 10 buy
an ice cream soda. stealing the
oranges from Mr.. Yarns grove,
and A million other mistakes
THOSE who care for me saved
me. They dragged me out
n the oven and laid me by a
window. When | came TO. ! got
a very good dressing down
You will please wait for the
enemy 10 kill YOU, and not kill
yourself" she said. "T could
have told YOU in tho first place
that you never would he able In
make gas mask.
Get this through your head.
You are not what is known as a
handy man around the house. In