Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-03-25
US. Offered
3ranch Office
On Misery
Jack the Hater S Unik
to Be Under Sad Sam
By DAMON RUNY0N

Asst night this guy, Jack the
- Halter comes looking me
up again in Lindy's restaurant
and naturally / am glad TO see
him as l ann hearing good re-
ports of him from Washington.
ID. c., where Jack is now in
business as public Halter and
gets nice fees for hating people
from guys who daSt not do their
own hating out loud.
So / give him a big how-are-
you, although of course / do
not really care how he is, and
Jack sits down with me and
asks me if he knows where he
can locate guy by the name
Of Sad Sam. who is a horse
player by trade. and this ques-
ton surprises me no little az
nobody ever before wishes 10
locate Sad Sam except maybc
10 know what places TO Avoid so
they Will miss seeing him.
THIS Sad Sam Is really a very
L gloomy character. and TO
tell you the truth If ! have my
choice between sitting up all
night with Sad Sam or a corpse
| will choose the corpse as II Is
sure 10 be more cheerful.
So | tell Jack the Halter that
7 not only do not know where
10 find Sad Sam but that ] hope
| never find out and then ! ask
him what nc wants with Sad
Sam any way and Jack says 10
me like -this..=
well, I am doing 30 nicely
with my public hate business
that l am thinking OF putting in
"A branch and Sad Sam II just(
the guy for me- am thinking
of putting morning line on
misery"
ooh" says, "you mean a
morning line like We get on the
horses every morning. only this
one will he on sorroDful stuff ."
Yes, Jack the Halter says,
that Il the idea"
EIIELL," say you are look
W ing for the right guy.
never see Sad Sam but what he
says. Who do YOU think dies
Just now o. or Who do YOU Sup
pose has measles or'WhOse wife
runs away from him. or Who
fall, down and breaks a leg:'
Yes. I say. Sad Sam II really
your guy To get YOU up the
morning line on misery but
Jack, say. II there market
for such matters I'm Washing
ton:
Plenty" Jack says II have
80 clients In mind right now. 1
am doing some public hating for
some Of them and they are good
pay. will work up n fine trade
In the morning line on misery
with Sad sam. will give him
the necessary information on the
misery and all he will have To
do II 20 around To the clients
every day and recitc II 10 them"
"WHY. Jack" / say do YOU
w mean Ia tell me they will
be interested In misery such as
sad Sam brings around: VIII
they be interested I'm guys diving
and having disease and their
breads running away from
them ."
We'll" Jack says. "of course
he will have 20 he little less
local and deal In bigger misery
such as the way the war l.
going, unless IL happens To he
going good. and who II double
crossing who In administration
circles, hut a bit of small talk
such as Sad Sam II accustomed
to dealing will not hurt. how
ever" Jack says II will soon
broaden him out"
SHOW do you get this idea,
IL Jack ." | say.
Well" he says. II notice coon
after arriving in Washington
that many guys are going around
giving out a morning lire on
misery, and that many citizens
are glad to listen 10 them, but
they generally only have one or
two items and no system Of dis
tributiOn. They just stand and
give their line TO anybody that
comes along.
so" Jack says. II figure that
II bring In an expert like Sad
sam and load him up with plenty
Of misery every day, and give
him a regular route. I cannot
miss. I am sure II will become
an important branch Of my busi-
ness. because so many guys I'm
Washington wish tn know all the
misery that Is going on"
Jack" | say. .'why not put In
another branch and hire III To
give your clients the line on
joy?"
"No." Jack the Halter says,
my clients I'm Washington. ID. G.,
do not wish to hear any Joy"
Copyright, 1892 ny King Features
Distributed by International News Service
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