Evening star., 1942-08-15


xssSsssS sands and thou
Henry McLemore. ands of statues
for the making of bullets. But to
gain the full benefit from these cop
per, bronze, lead and iron eyesorrs
that dot our parks and public places
from coast to coast, they must not
be melted down but be dropped as
is on the enemy.
They would serve dual purpose.
They would destroy anything they
landed on, and then there they'd
be to outrage that per cent of the
enemy populace which had any
esthetic sense whatsoever. sir
What a war of nerves we could
launch by bombing Japan and Ger
many with our statues. Men and
women have proved that they can
withstand ordinary bombs. But
imagine the inhabitants of city
coming out of their shelters after
an "all clear" to find themselXe,
completely surrounded, face to face,
with thousands of Civil War eques-
trian statues. Everywhere they
turned they would be challenged BY
a gentleman wearing either sharp
billed cap or floppy camNign haf,
waving a sword and handling -
rearing horse whose feet and mane
were all out of proportion to his
| head and tail. n
How do you think Emperor Hrp-
hito would react to standard Doo-
little bombing? The chances are
he would patter down to his under-
ground vault, roll a few of his an
cestors' bones while his aides faded
him, and come safely out when II
was all over. But how do you think
Hirohito would feel If he looked
across the imperial palace lawn and
saw, it Uttered with busts and
statues of Daniel Webster? Hun-
dreds and hundreds of Daniel Web,
sters, all wearing that grim, forbid
ding look that sculptors have de-
cided that D. Webster must wear.
There must be enough statues of
Daniel Webster scattered across the
United States to cover Toxic. IN
there aren't, we surely have enoagh
Henry Wadsworth Longfellows and
Ralph Waldo Emersons to take. UP
the SLACK. ~
Now, let us switch to Berlin. "A
raid on that city Is planned. At u
pm. the first, wave of heavy bomb
ers sweeps across the city, dropping
nothing but busts of Shakespeare.
of which there must be full million
in this country. From the outskirts
of the city to the corner of Untef
den Linden and Main. Berlin b
plastered with busts of the bard
| At 11:10 pm. the Boeing Flying
Fortresses, operating from even .
higher ceiling, cross the city and un-
load the thousands of iron deer
which have been gathered chiefly
from the lawns of Elks Clubs. Even
Goering would tremble when bow
legged deer. bearing the strange
lettering "B. P. o. E." across fts
| f1anks, plunked squarely down IN
| front of him -
~ -
| At 11:25 the Bostons would come
roaring in, scattering forgotten
| Spanish American War heroes as
| if they were confetti. No one in his
right mind can look on Spanish
American War statue without fear
and trembling. The statue always
has mustache, to begin with, and
is dressed in a uniform so cumber-
some that it puts the lie to any talk
OF charge" up San Juan Hill. The
men may have "hobbled" up San
Juan Hill. but they never charged IN
those uniforms. -
At Has lighter ships bearing
statues of all Americas lightweight
orators, would dive in and drop
their cargoes. Any man in this
country who ever made speech
lasting over an hour has been cast
| in some sort of metal. A few
thousand of these. their arms up
raised, would come closer to shat
tering the nerves of the stolid Ger
man burghers, than carload OF
INT block-busters. Il
At midnight, to end the attack,
a. single fighting ship would swoop
low over the Chancellery and drop
the statue of BALTIC on the roof.
Even Hitler, as callous and cold as
he is, would be shaken to wake up
in the morning and have an Alaskan,
dog, hot-footing it for Nome, star
ing him in the face. Ls
Yes, the President has uncovered
mighty, secret weapon,
Singapore may well be retaken by
food of Hoods, Beauregards, jack
sons, Shermans and Stuarts-fght-
ing this time on the same side.
Distributed by McNauSht Syndicate. rncD