Evening star., 1942-12-15

eAiS, buV iiiOl Q
people play Christmas shopping in
the space Of few weeks than play
or watch baseball over a 10-year
span. Yet Christmas shopping has
no rules, no national head to whom
shoppers can turn to for final deci-
sions. AS poorly qualified as I am,
I have tried to draw up a set Of
rules for the sport in the hope that
some order may be established be-
tween now and December Is. Here
are my rules:
l. Wives and husbands must not
shop together. Reno, Las Vegas and
other untying centers owe much of
their trade to husbands and wives
who have tried to shop together.
The glove counter alone has caused
more breakups than wife beating.
alcoholic spirits and nagging COM
bined.
2. No contestant must attempt to
do his shopping at an hour when
he believes there will be a lull In
trade and he will fnd the store less
crowded. This is what causes the
tremendous crowds in stores. Every
body tries to do this, with the result
that thousands Of shoppers reach
the store at the same time, causing
a modern-day Oklahoma land rush,
Women, Children First.
8. There Is no women and chill
dren first rule In Christmas shop
ping. That rule is all right in times
OF minor peril, such as boat sinkings
and four-alarm fires. but it has no
place in a department store. When
this rule is followed the men never
get closer than a rifle shot to the
counter, there apparently being an
inexhaustible supply OF women and
children who keep charging to the
front. Gallantry has no place where
there are presents to be bought.
The men must throw their weight
around carefully, of course, but they
must not stand meekly in the rear
and be kicked all over the place.
4. When three or more people dive
for the last item on a counter, the
person who falls with it to the floor
has possession. Use of the hands
and feet is allowed while fighting
for possession Of the article. but
there must be no piling on or un-
necessary roughness once the lucky
man or woman falls to the floor
with the prize.
B. Persons losing their shopping
list shall be penalized half the
distance to the counter. They shall
not be allowed to occupy the atten-
ton OF a sales clerk while they root
through their pocketbooks and
purses while telling everybody with
ing hearing distance that 1t couldn't
be lost. that only second ago they
had 1t right in their hands.
Stand on Own Feet.
o. Persons accompanied by small
children who refuse to stand on
their own feet. but stomp around
until they find strangers feet to
stond on, must contribute 10 cents
toward the purchase of War bonds
upon entering the store. AS nearly
every one who Christmas shops ia
accompanied by such small chill
dren, Uncle Sam will profit by mil.
lions of dollars worth Of bonds.
I. Any one caught cheating at
the wrapping counter, that Is.
sneaking up in line, will be re-
turned to the foot of the line. He
Will also be further penalized bv
having his bundles wrapped with
ola string which will break Just as
ne gets on a crowded bus.
8. Persons carrying so manv
bundles that their vision is shut of,
Will nave no right of way. They
must provide for at least a peephole
SO that they won't 20 charging
through the aisles like a rogue ele-
phant on the loose.
If the rules are acceptable and
the Christmas shoppers Of America
want to have and support a ma
tional head, such as Judge Lands
Is IN baseball, I can find the man
VINO, for the nominal sum of
$7o,ooo a year, will take the lob.
His name is McLemore and he can
go to work at the drop Of q hat,
He'll even drop his own hat,
distributed by McNausht Syndicate. mr.,