Evening star., 1942-09-15

Henry MeLemsre. white WhlpCOTu
leg markings and blue vest. The
Northern and Eastern species Is
usually solid blue with a white
Stetson topknot. and in the Far
West 1t has q Sam Browne waist
marking.
But no matter its markings, 1t
has trick OF blending with the
foliage so that it usually cannot
be seen until too late,
But genus Gendarmius horribilis,
no matter its habitat, has one
characteristic which makes it in
stantly recognizable. This is It's
cry. 1t is always the same. Prom
Maine to Florida 1t sounds as II
1t were saying, Pull over. Pull
over. Whereya thinkya going?
Whereya thinkya going?"
1t can almost always be found
on or near broad, straight nigh-
ways. which are its feeding ground.
| although sometimes 1t seeks shelter
over the tops of hills, Just around
sharp curves and behind billboards.
Gendarmius horribilis is carniv-
orous. 1t feeds off man. 1t will
! sometimes chase a man for miles,
and 1t almost never fails to catch
its prey. 1t talks much more than
the parrot, or the crow with q split
tongue, but 1t cannot be reasoned
with as successfully. Once 1t
pounces on its prey, Gendarmius
horribilis drives 1t to the side of
the road-it never feeds directly on
the highway-and proceeds to tor
ture its catch before giving 1T the
works,
Almost every one in this country
has seen a Gendarmius horribilis
feeding. 1t makes for q pathetic
sight The victim Is always bah
bling incoherent lies, telling Of the
important people II knows, and
generally begging for its life. This
never does any good.
Unfortunately for this well-known
American species, 1t. can feed only
off fast-moving citizens. Through
quirk OF nature it cannot strike .
citizen who is moving along at a
leisurely pace In his automobile. 1t
must find It's prey among those
moving go, 10, 80 miles an hour.
With the adoption Of the 35-
m.ph. limit, the Gendarmius hor-
ribilis is doomed. Like the Caro-
lima parakeet and the passenger
pigeon, which once hourished In this
country Cthanks, Johnny Kieran. for
telling me that we once had Caro-
lima parakeets In this country, 1t
must disappear. Disappear, that Is.
unless some Of lis quickly band to-
gether and start movement for
the establishment of q sanctuary for
speed cops In this country.
*tS
It would not be fair for the gem
erations of Americans to come not
to be able to see and know speed
cops. We save redwood trees, and
buffalos, and early American ft1rni-
ture, and certainly none Of these
has ever been as integral q part OF
American life as Gendarmi,ls hor-
ribilis.
My encyclopedias informs me
Kieran's line was busy the second
time called him) that sanctuary
must provide a natural habitat, free
dom from molestation, and . natural
feeding ground. A speed cop sane
tuary would be simple The sane
tuary could be established anywhere
where there is main highway. We
don't have to worry about the
molestation part of it, because who
in the world ever molested a speed
cop? As for the feeding, each day
10 volunteer motorists could speed
through the sanctuary and allow
the cops to come crying and caw-
ing out, and write out their tickets.
And think of this, fellow motor
lists! If. by any chance, the species
increased too rapidly, an open season
might be declared on the Gen.
darmius horribilis, and can you
imagine any greater pleasure thar
going bang! bang! bang! at q speed
cop, and telling him to pull over?
Distributed b. MeNausht SYNDICATE me,