The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1942-08-27
A Mother in Distress.

A mother writes: ct am at my wits
end to know what to do. My only
child, four year old girl, is the
brightest, sweetest, prettiest child you
can imagine. am sure she is intelli-
gent, and I ought to be able to
handle her But things get worse and
worse between us. She seems to take
delight in doing things I tell her not
to, I can't get her to eat what she
should. She is stubborn and defiant
and won't mind me, no matter how I
punish or scold her We used to
enjoy each other so much but now
I feel that she is not only getting
beyond my control, but is unhappy
when she's bad"
No amount of love on a mothers
part can insure that she'll give the
right kind of training In fact, the
anxiety, amounting almost to panic,
that this mother shows, is one of her
main troubles. 1t is easy to become
so bound up in a child that every bit
of his or her behavior seems terribly
important. When the mother shows
her apprehension on occasions when,
perhaps, the little girl is not hungry,
the child senses that she has hap
pened on way of controlling her
mother. If not eating makes mother
so solicitous and attentive why not
try it when things are boring.
Again, when she is disobedient and
ornery, it is her unconscious way of
protesting against being with grown
ups day in and day out, instead of
spending her time with other children
who are not always watching and
commenting on her conduct, expecting
her to be ga little lady"
Keeping a child dressed up when
she needs to get dirty from active
romping play; providing expensive
toys and not seeing that toys cannot
make up for lack of other children
to enjoy them with; depending on
punishment to curb the naturally
spirited, aggressive, spontaneous be-
havior of childhood, instead of pro-
viding normal outlets for it-these are
some of the mistakes often made by
parents with the best of intentions,
and hearts overlooking with love. They
are eager to do the best they can
for their children, but don't know
how TO go about it.
Now that the mother of this four
year old has got into such fix, it
may take some time to get out. In
seeking to change poor emotional
habits it is necessary to remember,
first of all, that they have become
over considerable period
of time. Parents asking for help in re-
a child from undesirable
habits are often dissatisfied, because
the suggestions given do not work
Any program involving
change from a habit of long standing
must be consistently adhered to for
weeks, perhaps months, before the
desired change will be brought about.
In this case, if the mother really
wants to get back on the old terms
with her child, she must be pre-
pared to overlook many minor bits of
in order to turn the
child's mind away from the impor-
lance her mother attaches to her con-
duct. Her poor eating may be pretty
much ignored, for a while, for she is
in fine physical condition. If her
food is put before her, day after day,
with no comments, and only cheer
full conversation about other things
than food permitted at the table, she
will probably eat when she is hungry.
Some parents have even felt that
moving was not too high price to
pay for companionship for their child.
Above all, she needs to be let alone
by mother and father, not eternally
told how to do this or that, not
checked upon and directed as though
she were an automaton.