Evening star., 1942-08-04

bathing cap or .
Ms,fy MeIAasra. pair OF baby
panties. q medium sized tin can, and
a few other simple household things.
stitch them together. and you'd be
ready for the enemy to do his
worst.
Well, perhaps an experienced gas
mask maker can whip all these
things together In no time at all.
but I'll be honest and admit that
after three days Of pretty solid work
all have Is contraption that looks
like the cap Happy Hooiisan used to
wear, and which Is guaranteed to
smother the wearer In three min
utes fiat.
My gas mask doesn't look any
thing like the pictures Of the COM
pleted one that ran in the paper.
The can sits right on top of my head.
the fly swatters hang over my ears,
giving me the appearance Of a hum
cry bloodhound, and the bathing
cap flts securely over my face. shut
ting OF all vision and forcing me to
gasp for air.
I first tried out my mask In the
closet where the winter clothes aro
stored. and there Is q mothball for
every broken heart or light on
Broadway. chose spot between
an overcoat and Z camers hair
sweater. Immediately I knew some
thing was wrong. All I could smell
were moth balls. got out Just In
time. One more whin and the police
pulmotor squad would have had to
work overtime to bring me back to
life.
So started all over again on my
mask. This time followed instruc-
tions to the letter. I taped the gar
ters, my best pair, to the cap 20
that 1t would hold the rubber snug
" over my head. I cut hole in
the mask for vision, just Is the In
structions said, and covered the
hole with the celluloid powder pun
cover. I cut the tin can just where
1t said it must be cut, hlled it with
simple chemicals, sealed it with
handkerchiefs and the ny swatters.
This DONE" the instructions read,
"and your mask Is complete. Ready
for i've hours Of steady use"
Against the advice Of those who
love me, I decided to put the mask
to . real test. Slipping it on-this
time I4could. see enough to grope
along without suide-I made .
bee-Ene into the kitchen. pulled up
. chair In front Of the stove and
turned ON the gas In the oven.
Then poked my head In the oven
and shut the door ~ far as 1t would
shut. I am now prepared to tell you
how . leg Of lamb suffers when 1t IS
being roasted. Also, the agonies that
q young and innocent squash un-
dergoes while being cooked, and the
heartaches and final moments Of .
casserole Of potatoes au gratin..
I was really cooking with gas at
this moment.
| The garters slipped down. Tho
rubber bathing cap slipped up. The
tin can slipped to one side. The fly
swatters dropped OF. As . result,
there I was with head IN an oven,
quickly and surely being asphyxiated.
Ny life passed In review. regretted
soaping those windows on Halloween
and dropping the meeze powder
down the hot-air yentilator during
Miss Wheeler's nth grade history
class. ! regretted taking my Sunday
school collection money to buy an
ice cream soda. stealing the oranges
from Mr.. Warns grove and . million
other mistakes.
Those who care for me saved me.
They dragged me out Of the oven
and laid me by . window. When I
came to. got = very good dressing
down.
"You will please wait for the
enemy to kill you. and not kill your
SELF" she said. II could have told
you in the first place that you never
would be able to make gas mask.
Get this through your head. YOU
are not what Is known Is Z handy
man around the house. In all our
years you have never been able to
hang oven . picture, drive . nail, or
fix window shade. So. what made
you think you could sew7"
This went on until I wondered why
in the world she ever bothered to
pull me out Of tho oven. Five more
minutes and . little basting With
Worcesterxhire and I would have
been ready to have an apple stuck
In my mouth and served.
DistSibutsd by NeNausht Syndicate, Yne)