Evening star., 1942-05-28

Henry McLemore. 3 n q ana
wept, alternately. Even as 1t clicked
its heels in midair with the Army
and Navy reports Of the war and
whistled over Secretary Hull's rose
tinted view of the future, 1t was
brought up short by the Presidents
announcement that we were In for
a very long war.
When you get to laughing and
crying at the same time, you get
hysteria. We don't want that here.
A co-ordinator of national emo
tions is the answer.
1t will be this mans duty to tell
the country daily how to feel. Across
his desk will flow all the reports on
the progress and setbacks Of the
United Nations at war. He will di-
gest all the various information
from the White House, the State
Department, the w. P. B., the Army,
the Navy and all Of the other ten
thousand and one sources of infor-
nation. Having digested it, he will
boil 1t down to the truth. And,
boiled down to the truth, he will
issue a bulletin telling all of us
how we should react. He will be
national emotional barometer, a
pin-strike weather report, only his
reactions will record human feel
ings instead of the clouds, the winds
and low pressure areas.
Let us picture a few sample press
conferences of the co-ordinator of
national emotions. 1t is Tuesday.
At 9 in the morning. The report
ers stand respectfully before his
desk.
Gentlemen" the co-ordinator
says, "the synthetic rubber program
is not on schedule, a tanker was
sunk at the entrance to Central
Park and Congress Is demanding
pounds of sugar for preserving pur-
poses for each member. I must ask
you to tell the citizens to wear a
sickly smile today. BY a sickly
smile, mean one that lifts the lips
one twentieth Of an inch at each
corner Of the mouth but one in
which the rest Of the face does not
join"
1t Is Wednesday. Again the CO.
ordinator speaks to the reporters:
Boys. things look brighter to-
day. We have had only IL con-
ficting reports from the various
departments. You may tell the
country to go about today with. q
smile that shows its teeth"
The reporters leave and fash to
their papers that the country may
show its teeth in a smile today.
From Portland TO Key West every
one smiles, as per orders.
1t is Thursday. The reporters
find the co-ordinator with his own
emotions beautifully co-ordinated.
He is neither blue nor happy. He
has found a dead level between
the two.
Boys, the country must show no
emotion whatsoever today. Things
are good in Russia and bad in
China.
Later, the co-ordinator of emo
tions will be given the power to
crack down on violators. The pa
pers will be filled with such items
as this:
Chattanooga, Tenn.-Marcus Fen
nelfern, 48, was fined IS and costs
today for appearing on the streets
in too-happy frame of mind.
Chicago.-Marcus Fennelfern, 4S,
who moved here recently from Chat
tanooga, was fined $40 by an officer
of the Co-ordinator of Emotions De-
partment, for pouting when smiles
were the order of the day.
San Francisco.-Marcus Fennel-
fern, 48, recently resident of Chi
cago. was given three days in the
county jail today for wearing a
Halloween type falseface in the
business district.
Yes, the Government must give
us q co-ordinator Of emotions. 1t
is obvious that it figures us too
smart to stand for a steady diet of
colored information, but not adult
or strong enough for steady diet
of the truth.
We must have some one to tell us
how to feel. Personally, the whole
thing gives me a headache. And,
it must give you one, too
| distributed by McNauRht Syndicate. IneN