Evening star., 1942-12-10

Hear, MsLeaors. voice and
background Of false Yule logs, that
being what my wife and I had de-
cided on as an appropriate back
drop for our pictures.
Neither OF us actually like family
pictures on Christmas cards, but We
are venegful couple, and felt that
the only way properly to pay back
those who sent us Christmas cards
with their pictures on them, was to
send them cards with the Nc
Lemore rampant on a field of jump
ing deer.
When I go to my reward-I hope
can learn Satan's first name be-
fore I get there. because they tell
me Satan Is very rough on fellows
who come in without an introduce
toni hope Christmas cards are
banned.
1t is my duty every year to select
the family card. Rather, 1t Is my
duty to pick out the card that my
sweetheart Chats what I call her
in public won't accept. We havs
very different ideas on Christmas
cards.
Personally, I am a sucker for
snow scenes. Give me a card that
has three inches Of snow on it, and
a spruce tree in the upper left-hand
corner, and that's all ask. I'll pay
10 cents apiece for 'em. And If
they'll throw in chimney giving
of some smoke, I'll 60 for IS cents.
And II they'll give me a team Of
deer, jumping over the spruce tree
and right smack through the smoke,
III 60 for 20 cents, which is not bad
for man who has had to climb up
the ladder Of life by himself, with
nary a boost from a rich ancestor.
Speaking of ancestors. which
am now just starting to do. our
family tree has everything on 1t
except rich McLemores. We have
Civil War generals. Revolutionary
conscientious objectors, cat show
judges, mustkrat trappers, middle
weight contenders. revenue runners.
and two or three early wives Of
Manville.
But to get back to Christmas
cards. Each year we get lot Of
cards showing up family groups To
Judge by the cards we get. all Of
our friends are fat, 55, need shave,
and can't afford a photographer
who ever took an indoors picture
before in his life. 1t Is difficult to
tell. looking at these pictures.
whether We are getting Christmas
cards or souvenir post cards from
Mammoth Cave or the Carlsbad
Caverns.
The pictures are always very dark.
The head Of the house always takes
a stance directly in the center OF
the picture, and always forgets to
hike his pants up so that his vest
will come within a foot or two OF
meeting his belt buckle. On his
right, wearing a dress that Is Just
IS minutes from being a dust rag,
stands the lady of the house.
The only way positively to iden-
tify the family is to look to the right
and left of the parents. Always
always-on the right of the father.
sitting determinedly on top OF a
console radio. is 144-pound, 10
year-o child. This fat child is
standard equipment on Christmas
card photographs. If you don't
happen to have a l44-pound, 10
year-old child the photographer
will rent you one. You can have
either boy or girl. the charge is
the same and so is the ceiling zero.
The McLemores are going to have
the worst Christmas card ever made.
We are going to stand before an
artificial fire in whose flames leap
reindeer, assorted Santa Clauses,
and writing which says, May all
your Christmases be white and pass
the ammunition"
am going to wear a blue serge
suit, no shirt, bow tie and three
sprigs Of holly in my hair. My wife
Is going to wear a blue serge suit,
two shirts, two bow ties and three
sprigs Of holly in her hair.
We are going to mail the cards
the day before Christmas, and to
the folks who sent us cards.
Distributed BY McNaug:t Syndicate. 1nc).
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