Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-07-13
Grants Fame
Due in Part to
Store Teeth
But He Probably Didn't
Intend 10 Bite Rebels
BY DAMON RUNYON


Der of the Plate-Men of America,
which tends TO increase my con-
fidence in our current generals
and admiralS who belong to the
same lodge.
II also adds 10 my admiration
of the judgment of the navy Off
Gals who ruled recently that
good dentures (the polite alias
for plates) are no bar to service.
/ assume that by good dem
lures the officials mean oral fix
lures that fit nearly and firmly
in their surroundings and have
no reference 10 the appearance
or cost or even the quality of
same.
I THINK they are absolutely
L right in not attempting 10 set
up any other standard. Some
branches of the Plate-Men of
America insist on members pro-
viding themselves with stand-in
gnashers that are pleasing 10 the
eye, but / consider this quite
snobbish. l do not say that L
entirely approve of the kind that
look like rows Of tombstoneS in
wheat field. i favor a happy
medium.
l have. however, seen some
members of the Plate-Men with
the tombstone types who could
serve valuable purpose against
the enemy.
They could sneak up on the
foe at night, suddenly expose
their gruesome choppers and
scare the opposition 10 death,
! know Plate-Man whose
wife will not permit him to wear
his balcony and orchestra around
the house because the sight
makes her nervous. and he is
slowly starving 10 death for
want of solid food.
4 s ALL Plate-Men are aware.
"A mere cost does not make for
lovely vista of grinders, nor
yet for efficiency.
The. head Plate-Man in the
United States in the matter of
cost is associated with the mo-
ton picture industry. He is said
10 have paid $500 top and
$500 bottom. and yet / am re-
liably informed that when he
deals with raspberries or pea
nuts or similar substances he
has TO repair TO the cares I
hydrant and give his expensive
crock kerry dunklng, which
argues loose fit.
On the other hand Plate
Man of my acquaintance down
IN Texas stepped into a store
years ago and bought himself a
set Of rubber teeth for s. which
have served him faithfully ever
since. withstanding all tests ex-
cept the one with carmel candy.
My friend is in a dilemma.
however, now that the govern
ment has called for rubber, be-
cause his political enemies are
charging that he is unpatrioiic
for not tossing his teeth into the
jackpot.
OF COURSE we all know that
" George Washington was a
charter member of the Plate
Men of America, because his
synthetic snapperS are on dis
play somewhere. and the roll Of
the organization diScloses the
names Of many other great men
in the history Of the nation, in
Guiding that of General Grant.
Mr.. Price recalls that the gen.
erals teeth arc mentioned in
one OF the many volumes dealing
with his life. and specifically his
military adventures while be-
seiging Nicksburg.
General Grant lost his grind
crS in the Mississippi River dur
ING that Scige and had TO send
10 81. Louis for new equipment.
II is a fact that some delay
arose between the time the
Father of Waters closed DER the
generals chewers and the hour
of Vicksburgs fall. but / am in
clined TO doubt Mr.. Prices the
DRY that this delay was entirely
due 10 the loss of the teeth.
I CAN see where a sense OF en-
Il barraSSment or perhaps a
feeling of futility as he contem-
plated the army bareback of the
period may have slightly inn
peded the generals process OF
military thought, but in examin-
ing into the history of the OPP
Grafton / fad no testimony TO
indicate that he was trying TO
win Vicksburg by biting the foe.
Evidence at hand indicates.
however. that after getting his
teeth. General Grant eliminated
Vicksburg.
Mr.. Price thinks there is a
moral here and suggests that II
is for soldiers and sailors with
store teeth 10 have extra sets
made and 10 send the duplicates
10 Toxic and Berlin marked,
Hold for Arrival.
Copyright. 1872. by King Features
Distributed by international News Service
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So long as faith with freedom