Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-09-04
O. X, Doug.
James. We
Were Wrong
We Shouldn't Have Used
Tracer Verbs on You
By HENRY McLEMORE


WE are tired of eating crow.
w 1t is a most unpalatable
dish.
The best day he ever saw. and
wearing a new apron, too. Es-
Golfer couldn't make 1t taste
good. Neither could any of the
other great saucepan handlers,
and that goes for Brillat-Savarin,
Rector, Lueius Beebee and
Mama.
We've been eating crow for
several weeks now. We have
tried it every way you can think
Of. We have had 1t with Hol-
landaise, Bernaise. Worcester
shire. chill. and the sauce that
was as good for the gander as it
was for the goose.
We have tried IL fricasseed.
parboiled. smothered, and coun-
try style. Also. rare, medium
and we'll done. Also, with Dump
lings and without dumplings. We
have even tried il with wine
wine that was at room tempera-
ture and wine that was soupy
and ice cold.
No matter what treatment
YOU give il. you're still eating
crow.
60 TO put an end to this in
~ sufferable bill OF fare. this
torturous entree, we want TO
apologize.
We want to apologize particu-
1arly to James Roosevelt and
Douglas Fairbanks Jr., because
they are the ones chiefly respon-
sible for us having TO eat so
much crow.
Remember when James Roose-
welt went into the marines and
was commissioned? You must
remember il, because almost
every columnist made ii a point
TO sit down at his typewriter and
hunt-and-peck out a blistering
broadside OF how easy 1t was 10
get along in the army if you hap
pened to be the Presidents son.
The implication, of course, be-
ing that James Roosevelt was no
more of a soldier than the
butcher or the baker, and that
| steps had been taken to take
care of the spindly legged young
fellow.
MO COLUMNIST was any
~ tougher on James than we
were. We let him have Social
Der adjectives, tracer verbs and
snub-nosed SMILES.
This was all right until the
stories and pictures Of the ma
rines' attack on the Gilbert
Islands began to come in.
There was James mentioned
in the dispatches. They said he
was second in command. and one
of the first to hop from a land
ing boat and make his way
toward shore.
Then the pictures began COM
ing in. There was James. spindly
legged against a background Of
palms and abandoned japanese
quarters.
There was James, who wasn't
supposed TO risk anything more
dangerous than feeding Falla, or
playing tennis with Henry Wall
lace, exposing himself to Jap
snipers.
OKAY. James Roosevelt. we're
" sorry. We apologize. We
were dead wrong.
But James didn't come back
TO haunt our typewriter so much
as young Doug Fairbanks.
We still remember the story
we wrote when he went TO South
America as a good will ambassa-
dor. He got the full treatment
and when he went in the navy
we all but sent him our box of
Mother Sill's pills.
So what does young Fairbanks
do? Nothing, but 60 and get
himself in the Commands.
Okay, Doug Fairbanks Jr..
we're sorry. We apologize. We
had you pegged wrong. Your old
man, a pretty fair hand himself
at taking chances. would have
got a big bang out of this.
The next thing you know we'll
be writing fan letter to Harold
Ickes. telling him how MASTER
full he has been, and how we are
baking him a cake to make UP
for picking on him for spreading
what we thought were scare
rumors about an oil shortage.
But what we said about Tun-
ney still goes.