Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-08-18
The Old Lady
Runs Team
Into Ground
Baseball for HE Masses
Disrupts Economy
By WESTBROOK PEGLER

had 10 run the bases backward
that year and the old mans old
lady she sets on the bench all
summer telling him how to run
the ball club and she also writes
a baseball column for the
papers, too. But that wasn't
nothing to the headaches they
had in the front office.
There wasn't nothing she
wouldn't shove her nose into and
the first thing anybody knows
why she is telling Eddie DeeZa-
nose how TO bring baseball 10
the masses although he has been
handling box office over 30
years.
"But, Mrs. Dissenat." he
would say, II will have to re-
spectfully thank you not TO mess
around in affairs that are noneo
Of your affairs and just because
your husband n hired TO run the
team why, nevertheless, box
office II a strictly different mat
ter altogether"
Well. we had plenty troubles
of otir own on the field but poor
Eddie is on a terrible spot
because -Start-the- season
looking like a sure thing and
then she brings in that bean-bag
coach from Smiths College and
the female first baseman and the
first thing you know we haven't
got enough fans TO make a
quartet.
The business office is running
into the red every day and Eddie
says the way things are going II
will take 50 years to pull out of
the hole even If we win 50
pennants.
OUT Mrs. DiSsenat has been
- hanging around with soBe
professors and lot of them are
foreigners and all they seem 10
do is set around and hold dis
cusSions and she says Deezanose
is slave TO dead traditions and
the way you got 10 do nowadays
you got 10 be daring and try
new innovations and if they
don't work why try something
else.
SO she brings in a Bulgarian
professor 10 look over the books
and the professor says no won
der we aren't drawing any bust
ness because Eddie hasn't got
any social consciousness.
He says the way 10 do YOU
have got 10 appeal 10 the masses.
The first thing" he says.
you got 10 make bold decisions
and no more compromise, 80 We
will first of all abolish right
field and centerfield. We will
Just have one field and that will
be leftfield. hut there il no use
hoping that the men who have
been playing right and center
VIII be able 10 cooperate be-
cause they are stepped In tradi-
ton 40 they are fired. but we
viii hire two more leftfielders
who really believe I'm leftneid
and hereafter we will have three
leftfielders.
Then" he says. Eve will
popuiarize the bleachers again
because we have been catering
to the economic royalists in the
boxes and reserved seats 80
hereafter we will take the
dough we get from these para
sites and every man who buys
a bIeacher ticket for 50 cents
why we will give them a pre-
MUM Of el.25."
EDDIE, he put it down in lis !
- ures that you can't do that,
but the Bulgarian called him a
Wall Street tool and the next
day there was a riot when half
the town tried to get into the
bleacherS.
The bleacher business was so
big they first had TO take over
the end sections Of the grand
stands and inside of week
practically the entire park was
bleachers. all except the best
boxes and reserved seats behind
the plate and they were filed
with-her personal friends, mostly
professors and DANES wearing
f1at-heel shoes and horn-rim
glasses. who come in on passes.
The stockholders began TO zip,
but the old lady she puts the
Bulgarian on the air TO give
them he'll for being copperheads
and the Bulgarian gets UP fig
ures TO show that whereas a
few weeks ago the masses were
starving for baseball why now
the attendance waS the greatest
in baseball history and the re-
ceiptS were breaking all records.
Poor Eddie. he tries 10 show
that yes and the deficit was
running way ahead of the re-
ceiptS and the Bulgarian called
him well-fed club man over
the air and put il up TO the fans
10 vote whether they wanted
him TO be business manager and
baseball for everybody or if they
wanted Eddie DeczanoSe and
baseball for the few.
The stockholders beefed what
about thoi- ioxyoe,,,,o..1 L.. g.