Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1942-09-07
Our Is Safe,
Safe Is Out!
You Figure It
Prof Weeney ympires
Game for College Pal
BY wEsTBROOK PEGLER

PUT you haven't heard the half
~ of IL because in addition to
Charlie Dissenat he lets his ever
loving dream girl set on the
bench and run the team that
year but 1 haven't told you about
his friend, Professor Weeney.
One day he comes in with q
liddy-biddy. dark-complected guy
while we are dressing for work
and he says to me:
"Mr. Dunno, 1 want to intro
duce you TO my old friend, Pro-
lessor Weeney, from Harvard"
"Pleased to meet you," I said,
"but I didn't catch the name.
You mean Weeney, like q hot
dog?
And that was just what his
name was. Weeney.
Professor Weeney Is an old
friend of mine from where I
went to college when 1 was q
boy" the boss said, land ! have
just got him n job umpiring for
us.
HE Is going TO umpire ex-
clusively for us and not for no.
body else I'm the league because
he understands how the rule
book il n living thing and not
just the dead hand Of the past
and he Is In sympathy with what
we are trying TO do and he In go
ing to help us to make baseball
work."
"Now that you mention IT,"
said, lust what are we trying to
do"
And Mr.. Dissenat, he said:
Just for that you can put on
a Ounce cap and 60 and stand In
the corner"
WELL, sure enough. the pro-
w feSsor puts on his umpire
suit right there in our dressing
room and then he gives US pep
talk how he is going 10 help us
win because he believes like we
do and that first afternoon you
never saw anything like il, the
way he calls them.
For instance, along about the
third, Artie Shooden, he drib-
bled one down the first base line
and didn't even run and Weeney
yells.
THE batter IL safe"
Well, Stengel he come I'D
screaming and Weeney give him
such a line OF double talk he
gets dizzy and comes over and
sets down on our bench the rest
| of the afternoon.
Out In safe and safe In out n
you mean the opposite of what
YOU say you don't mean safe ON
the other hand he wasn't out
and 40 the man is SAFE" Profess
sor Weeney starts off and he
gives Casey 10 full minutes of
that and when he gets through
the score board puts up 10 runs
for US. for free.
No hits. no walks, no errors.
Just hokus-polokus. 10 runs.
Well. inside of a week Weeney
he brings in five new guys TO
play on our club because they
studied under him at Harvard
and they never had no baseball
experience but our club paws an
average of about $1,000 a year
so he figures it will be good TO
umpire for players who under
stand him and Charlie Dissenat
and his ever-loving war depart-
ment.
The regular players we don't
understand any of them at all
and the public doesn't know
what they are driving at. nei-
Their, but our club is always good
for a lot of laughs and anyway
you can't lose your following
when you are giving away
present of S1.25 with every So
cent -bieachcr ticket, like we
done.
And furthermore, the old lady
she has now decided TO wrap up
every hot dog in a dollar bill for
a napkin and make the peanut
sacks out OF folding money out
of the club treasury.
CHARLIE put the new men
~ into the lineup right away
and the way they done, why YOU
could be arrested in the old DAYS
for doing like that.
Weeney would walk over TO
our bench and say to Dissenat:
Charlie" he would say. "con-
gratulations, because my old
Harvard protege, Tommy Chi
selIe, he just hit q homo, run
with three on"
l swear Tommy ChiselIe
wasn't even at bat but he was
just sitting there with the other
Harvards saying:
"Out Is safe Is out Is safe q.
fair Is foul Is out IL fair Is SAFE
IL foul"