The Waterbury Democrat., 1942-03-06


conversations between Hun officers
IN Greece and the Mayor of Athens,
quotes ON how the Germans plan
! the starvation Of nations. Something |
70 recall when they sit down to talk
treaty.
There'd be no Jokes about Great
CARLOS shoes-unless she threw |
them at somebody, with her feet
In them.
The managing editor could think |
what he pleased about gossip coll
umns and hammer them all over
the joint Gas one afternoon biggie
does) but he wouldn't be permitted |
to scold the city desk for being |
licked by them Gas this same grum-
bier does).
There'd be no rice-nellying in
the editorials when q punch was
needed. Ralph Ingersoll recently |
sprung o zippy four-letterer, and 1t
looked perfectly charming in print.
No yarns-such as trials and Of
ficial hearings-would be stretched |
out from day to day after the pat
ter got stale. What's the use of |
wasting good white space on stuff
nobody readsP Stories should earn
their type.
Baseball writer's in the Southern
training camps would be asked to
skip the trial ball games and gabby |
predictions from the managers and |
concentrate on the rockies. It's more |
entertaining to read about the awe
struck yokels trying for the big |
time than all the stars in both big |
leagues-and all the managers on
earth.
If I didn't believe in the flag I'd |
stop waving 1t. If / wanted to
wallop the Govt I'd do 1t on the
sheets say Eo-not pass the raps |
off to the bootlicking by-liners on |
the sports, society, ETC., pages. That's |
q tactic of the current war-making |
the whipping boy do the sniping the
editor hasn't the CUTS to take the
responsibility LOT,
There'd be no reporters sent to
other cities and states to investigate
graft in order to cop pushover Pull
itzers. It's o cinch to cruelty an |
out-of- town administration, where
there Is no kickback. The home
town is where q probe takes moxie.
Staff photoggers would get piece
of change and kiss for surprise
photpS-not embarrassing ones-just
like kodak shots showing statesmen
with their kissers agape and that
sortathing.
There'd be no quotes from dead
men. One of the Oldest rock prac-
tees is TO do a piece on dead
celeb and, put q lot OF unconfirm-
able raps at his friend on his rec
ord. It's the old gold brick game
and the low" for gazettes whose
calculations are lower.
II the paper hated a man in
life it wouldn't break down and
love him when he kicked off. The
phoniest editorials Of all are the
ever-loving paragraphs about pa
pers enemy when he dies. Besides,
he might not be dead. Lookit what
that Chicago sheet got for pretend
ing TO be heartbroken about Mayor
Big Bill Thompson of there. Bill
fooled 'em and lived. And quoted
The plug right back at that paper in
the next campaign. When the sheet
was calling him An Old Thing in
every edition.
A crack staffer would be sta
toned at the Small Claims Court,
the Magistrates Courts-and, by all
means, the Night Court. The pick
ings are pretty bad there usually,
but there's feature sometimes
that's a Wow-anud worth waiting
for.
One Of the editors would have to
read the whole sheet. He'd have to
edit out conflicts, especially in the
columns, so that one nonenity
wouldn't be marrying different
dizzies, etc. Why let the column
lists call each other liars? That's
the readers privilege.
The Roosevelt family would get
a fair shake. Frinstanee, few OF
the papers rooted for F. D. r. Jr.
when he was raped on the floor by
Cong. w. Pfeiffer (who was re-
buked by his colleagues). 1t seems
Franklin had appendicitis, which
Pfeiffer seemed TO think was TAX
ing advantage OF his spot as the
Presidents boy. Later the honor
able sir apologized.
There'd be a memo TO the staff
reminding them that the Russkys
are doing something plenty i'm
portant: They're slaughtering Ger
man soldiers. The Washington cor
respondents would be instructed to
tell the capital disunity crew that
when they begin echoing Goebbels
about the Moscow sell-out.
The paper wouldn't have any po-
Itical cousins. 1t would start from
scratch every Presidential race. It's
idea would be to let the best man
win. (My, he's revolutionary
| 80! /