Evening star., 1941-07-21
Attitude
Toward
Guest
Don't Urge Visitor
To Stay Unless
You Mean 1t
By Emily Post

BY Emily Post
I would like to write rather vio-
lently against the practice of certain
well-meaning hostesses who exclaim
Il would say, mechanically, when
ever guest rises to take leave, ooh,
must you go? Can't you stay little
longer?" And then if the visitor sits
down again and stays little longer,
the hostess eXclaimS when she has
finally gone, We'll, I thought Mrs.
Neighbor would never leave!" I
questioned an intimate friend who
did exactly this. She did not remem-
Der having made either remark. But
upon thinking about it she agreed
that both were probably true. She
liked her visitor and did not, at the
end of few minutes talk, want her
to go, but when the visitor stayed
for an hour. she grew conscious of
the things she had to do, and more
and more nervously wished to be
free to do them.
In addition, then, to advice often
give to the visitor not to interrupt
her hostess, would like equally to
emphasize this advice to the busy
hostess: Do not urge visitors to stay
unless YOU really mean it. If you
have plenty of time to sit and talk
with them, that is one thing. But
when you yourself are sitting on
tinder box in your anxiety to keep
an appointment elsewhere. or to
finish piece of work. then Just let
me ask you, could anything be more
senseleSS than believing that cour-
tesy obllgeS you to persuade them to
stay?
Dear Mrs. Post: Could you speak
for public opinion about two girls
and two boys, all in the early twen-
ties, going by bus to New York City
and spending a week end? We are
all just friends and none of us
sWeethearts, in case that makes a
difference.
AnsWer-Being Just friends" does
make difference, of course, but even
so l can hardly give unqualified ap-
proval of young men and girls going
of alone to stay in the city. And
yet-lf the two girls go to one of
the Women's hotels in New York, and
the men go and stay at mans ho-
tel or best of all perhaps, at a fra
ternlty club, I doubt very much if
any one will criticize them unless
their behavior at home has given
gosslps cause for chatter.
Dear Mrs. Post: When writing a
letter to person whom I do not
feel I know we'll enough to begin
by calling him Dear John, and vet
think Dear Mr.. Smith sounds too
formal, is it permissible to write
Dear Smith?
AnSWer-Man to man, yes. But
not woman writing to a man. This
calling by last name is really a Brit
ish custom.
DedI NILS. ToSI. L know you say
It isn't possible for you to suggest
presents for your readers whom
you don't even know to give to
their personal friends. I under
stand this. But in my case I mere
ly want you to help me to choose
a suitable present to give a young
man who is graduating from medi-
cal school and will have another
year in the hospital. The young
man is a friend of long standing
and some one who is very dear
to me
AnSWer-You haven't given me
any idea of what you can spend.
However, among the things that
every doctor has to have let me
suggest, at lower cost, an auto
matte pencil, a clinical thermome-
ter in a case that clips on his
pocket or perhaps a fountain pen.
At greater cost, gold tie clip or a
pair of plain gold cuff links marked
with his initials in very small block
letters. At highest cost, a wrist
watch. Remember. this must be
an accurate timepiece and have a
second hand. 1t must also be
watertight. No matter how many
thermometers or pens or pencils he
has or receives-eVen if he has the
right sort of Watch-he can al
ways find use for spares"
Mrs. Post is sorry she can no
longer answer personal letters.
She is glad. however, to have
many printed slips on variety
of subjects to offer to her readers.
Todays slip is Names and Sig
natures" Be sure to send g.
cent stamped, self-addressed en-
velope with your request to Mrs.
Post in care of The Evening Star.