Evening star., 1941-08-11

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Henry McLemore escape one OF
deadliest forms of bore that has
menaced society since the first
father yanked a pack Of pictures
out of his wallet and said "Lemme
tell you about my kids"
I refer to the military know-it-
all
There is no escaping him in civil
ian life.
He is omnipreSent.
He is in every golf foursome. He
is at every luncheon table, cock
tail party and dinner. He is across
the aisle from you on every bus,
trian and trolley, and he is TO be
found in every business ONCE in
the country.
He wears no uniform, has no Of
fetal rank and boasts no connec-
ton with any of the armed forces
of any country.
But, boy, does he speak with au-
thority. He shakes finger right
in your face and gives you such a
lowdown that you wonder why Gen.
Marshall or Winston Churchill ever
let him get out of their sight.
He was the first to know that
the Maginot Line was a farce, and
claims to have said at the time
that it was being built that 1t was
useless. No one seems to remem-
Der this prophecy but himself.
He knew Lord Haw-Haw's name
long before the British did, and
his explanation of how Crete could
have been saved is told at every
opportunity.
You know the military know-it-
all as well as I do.
His conversations usually open
this way:
I'll swear, I can't see how the
men who are running this war can
be as blind as they are. Why. it
was obvious to me from the start
that -
He is good for half an hour from
that point, and he is just as much
at home in Egypt as he is in Turkey.
He knows why Gen. Waven was
sent to India. He knows what is in
the back of Ribibentrop's mind,
and as for the Bismarck business
why, he told the boys at the Office
as early as February that ships
like the Hood were no good, and
didn't have chance against
faster, lighter ships.
But it is on the Hess fight that
he really goes to town.
To think that any one was sur
prised by what Hess did, or fails
to understand what his mission
was, makes him almost snort with
disgust. He had been looking for
just such a thing for weeks, and
before he gets through describing
the flight his listeners can almost
picture him sitting in the rear cock
pit of Hess ship, handling the navi-
cation and picking out the Duke
of Hamilton's estate for the land
ing
When the war is over and the
whole story Of Hess flight comes
out" he says smugly, you boys
will see that have been right all
along" You never realize until he
is gone that he never has told ex-
actly why Hess left Germany for
Scotland.
Right now this living room gen.
eral, this smoking car tactician,
this rocking chair strategist, is busy
forecasting and second-guessing on
the Russo-German conflict. Pre-.
dictions of the outcome roll OF his
tongue as easily as do mispronoun-
Citations of such towns as Kiev,
Smolensk and Zhitomar.
You would think he was raised
with family of pioneer movements
to hear him describe this particular
bit of strategy. From a source that
he alone knows he has learned the
number of divisions the Nazis are
employing, the exact count of the
men the Russians are using, and
the total riflepower of the forces
involved.
You would think the Ukraine was
his own backyard to listen to him
tell just what supplies Hitler will
get by conquering that territory.
He talks as If each grain of wheat
was known to him personally and
that he called every potato by its
middle name.
He is free in his criticism Of both
the German and the Russian gen.
eral staffs. Give him your atten-
tion and pencil and he will dia-
gram a rousing mess of spearheads,
salients, rear guard movements and
bridgehead attacks which, If en-
ployed, would quickly bring victory
to one side or the other.
He knows everything, as matter
of fact.
He knows that Eden is jealous Of
Churchill; that the invasion of
England will start September 3 at
s:15 in the morning; that Stains
son allowed himself to be captured
in order to shoot Goering, but that
Goering already has been shot by
Goebbels; that-and so on until
well, until you get so mad because
you can't break in and tell the In
side stuff you know yourself, that
you could shoot him.
distributed by McNsught Syndicate. IneJ