Evening star., 1941-12-23

Oxo Aldo O2A4J
to do this:
- - Pass bill
Henry MeLemore. that requires ev.
cry male who has ever successfully
put up a Christmas tree to report
for active service.
Any man who has ever mastered
Christmas tree, any man who
has ever surmounted the mental
and physical problems of choosing
the proper tree, getting it in the
front door, getting it TO stand up
and getting it decently decorated
is the type of man that Uncle Sam
needs most in a time of crisis.
Any man who has ever been able
to step back and admire Christ
mas tree complete with decorations
and with every little light burning,
is the perfect fighting specimen.
Having conquered Christmas tree
he would never be afraid to tackle
such a minor item as a Jap. a Ger.
man or an italian. He is Of necess
sity a man of courage, man Of ao- 4
ton, a man Of tenacity. He has
the will to carry on in the facs
OF heartbreaking obstacles. To provs !,
my point, let me carry you'd
step by step, through the ordeal ofs
man who has to arrange for q
Christmas tree for his home.
The first thing he must have b
decision. No man is ever shown one
lone Christmas tree. II he goes to
buy one the salesman leads him into
forest of trees, each one prettier
than the other, and asks that he
make selection. II he goes out into
the woods to cut his own, Nature
keeps leading him just around the
corner, teasing him on with a forest
primeval that Evangeline would
have got lost in
Then there is the problem OF
transportation. No matter what
tree man finally chooses, 1t won't
fit into anything that was ever
made by the automobile manufac-
turers. Nature and Detroit do not
work together. If it fits in the car
it isn't big enough for the living
room, and vice versa. Nature always
wins. so he winds up putting half
Nelson on a tree and forcing it into
the automobile.
The drive home with an un-
domesticated Christmas tree in the
car brings out the best in a man.
He has to shift gears with leaves in
his ears, branches jabbing him in
the neck, and the small insects
which always come with Xmas trees
for no extra charge setting up
housekeeping on his person. Then
he arrives home. This is supposed
to be his refuge, his haven of peace,
but 1t isn't. Some one always meets
him on the porch with an exclama-
ton like this:
Where do you expect to put that
redwood? John. you know that
won't fit in any room we have. You
go right back and exchange it for
smaller tree"
John Is now ready for the kill.
This tree is coming in the house
or the house is coming down" he
shouts. With that he charges toward
the front door, with the tree held
in the manner of a medieval bat
tering ram. He finally gets it into
the living room. Now, for the first
time. he sees that the tree Is about
3 feet too tall.
Now comes another difficult de.
cision-which end to cut of. II the
tree is trimmed from the top it will
lose all of its Christmasy-tree shape
and take on the appearance Of q
bush. If it is sawed on from the
bottom it will lose its majesty and
seem to squat on the floor like a
frightened thing.
Following the saving off-and no
matter which end is operated on
some members of the family are
sure to second guess-comes the
problem Of making 1t stand up. A
tree seems to lose its pride wnen
brought into a house and not give
rap about standing straight. 7
have seen trees which actually ap-
peared tired and which would at
tempt to lean against the wall or
on the shoulders of passers-by.
The only way to make q dis
pirited tree stand up indoors is to
resort to nails. wooden braces, boxes,
tubs. and the like. 1t takes a stern.
relentless man to bring these into
play and half tear up the living
room floor. Decorating a tree, one,
it has been made to stiffen its
spine and stand straight, is a task
that calls for the daredeviltry of
steeplejack, the skill of skyscraper
window washer and the desperation
of a cornered squirrel. To accom-.
plish this a man must make thres
or four dive-for- life leaps from q
ladder. balance himself precariously
on chairs whose legs wobble, and
occasionally crash to the floor with
q gaudy necklace Of bulbs and
candles entwined about him In the
manner Of an electric boa con-
strictor.
But today the homes Of America
have Christmas trees. There must
be millions Of them rearing their
heads against the ceilings Of living
rooms.
This is a tribute to American men.
Give this Nation enough regi-
ments of Christmas tree putter-
uppers and 1t can never lose.
distributed by McNausht Syndicate. Ine)
Quake JinqIes YuIe Bells