Evening star., 1941-07-29
Child Doesn't
Want to Be
Different
Must Be Allowed
To Develop Own
individuality
By A ngelo Pafri

Most children want to be like all
the other children in dress, talk,
ability, looks. manners and occu-
patton. To be different is painful
to them. Anything that makes them
stand out from their companions is
Objectionable. Even when the diff
ference is something in their favor
they dislike it. The well-mannered
child will hide his manners. the
carefully trained speech is covered
as much as possible, the new shoes
that are of different cut and color
are considered an aff1iction, the ex-
ira grace that dancing lessons af-
fords is scoffed at and only the
common likeness is acceptable.
This annoys thoughtful parents
who, having a sense of duty as well
as a feeling of pride, want their
children to be better, to have
greater opportunities, to do more
and do it more effectively, than
other children. They struggle with
the rebellious ones and, facing de-
feat as they surely will, end by call
ing them stupid and ungrateful.
The fact of the matter is that
they cannot help being what they
are at the present stage of their
growth. They have no understand
ing Of the values Of the experiences
they are offered. They belong to
the herd. they are happy there,
they thrive better there. In time,
as their differences begin to show.
as they develop individuality, they
begin to gather strength to stand
alone. Until then it is not safe, 1t
Is not wise, to drive them into being
original. For the duration of this
stage of growth they must wear the
uniform of childhood.
This means that these children,
usually those under II or there
about, are to be allowed to wear
what their companions wear even
though 1t outrages ones sense of
beauty, fitness and utility. This is
one time when eXpediency is the
main idea. The phase soon passes
and If one is skillful in dealing
with the child he can soon suggest
. the better way and in time train
the child into a better understand
ing Of things. Until then, don't let
the color or shape of a cap an
roy you. Don't fret if knees are
bare and blue if all the knees are
that way. Don't anguish over long
trousers in summer and no hats
IN winter. The world won't come to
an end if slacks are worn when
more formal uress was worn In
your day and mine. Leave that to
time and experience to right. The
discoveries OF one generation may
mold some good for the next and
Ii that is true you can be sure it
WILL be carried on while the use
less is dropped. Each set of chill
ofen mas Its own brands of foolish
ness an dthriVes on them.
Nagglng children aoout the I'M
essential is a sad waste of energy.
IL gets us nowhere but it drives the
chlioren IRON us. When we have
something worth while to tell them
something it Is imperative that they
know, they will not give us audience
We have taught them to believe us
1utlIe ana tuoSy, magnilying trines
Only when children are in phvs-
lcal OF moral peril should one com.
mand them TO another way. BY re-
serving authority for the day of
need we preserve it for our chill
dren's salvation.
Mr.. Patri has prepared a leaf
let entitled "Slowness," in which
he advises parents how to ham
die the diIly sdallier. Send for it,
addressing your request to MIR.
Angelo Patri, Child Psychology
Department Of this paper. In
close q self addressed, stamped
(2-AAnf AnveIona