Evening star., 1941-11-22

in a while, but John L. is always
hot and cloudy.
AT best he isn't d man whose
picture one enjoys looking at
through eight editions every day,
And he is always at his worst. To
Judge from his pictures. ne Is A man
who gets out of the wrong SIDE Of
the bed every day. has burned toast
every breakfast Of his life. breaks
a shoe lace every time he ties his
shoes and always misses trolley cars
and buses by a split second.
AS far as We can gather, Mr. Lewis
has but two expressions mad and
madder. In the mornings he poses
for cameramen looking like fellow
who had Just feasted of a 2-pound
box of green perslmmon7. and IN
the afternoons he switches 70 an
expression that gives HIM all the
facial charm Of a cannibal reduced
TO eating a mixed green salad.
If he'd only smile once. IF he'd
only get a reputable Landscape
gardener or tree surgeon 10 trim
those eyebrows so those Of us who
have TO look at them wouldn't keep
wanting to stick a no poaching'
sign in them. If he'd only change =
the tune of his conversation once in
a while.
Doesn't anything III life but
strikes interest him? You can't
tell US a man can live as long as he
has without having some conversa-
tional change Of pace. What a relief
it would be if the T. NJ. ". chief
tain would come up once a month
or so with discussion Of how 10
wash antimaCasSars without shrink
ing them, or the best way to bank a
fire, or why Livingstone and Stanley
never exchanged Christmas gifts. Or
anything.
What can be done about him?
The better minds of the country
having failed to solve the problem
perhaps it is time for some Of us
underprvileged intellects TO have a
try at the solution.
Something should be done.
Hes a triple threat. He snarIS up
defense. He Snarls up all the ma
tional leaders who try to deal with
him and he bores the cltizenry.
AS starter toward a solution OF
how to handle Brother Lewis WHY
not officially designate him as the
National Nuisance?
The President could do it by proc
lamation.
We have all sorts of national
thingS-parks, cemeteries, debts, bird
sanctuarleS and holidays-so why
not National Nuisance?
This would give Mr.. Lewis the
distinction and prestige he appar-
emily wants so badly.
Overnight he would be on an equal
footing with Yellowstone Park and
the Washington Monument.
There is a good chance that the
Importance Of being the National
Nuisance would take his mind off
causing trouble and set him to pre-
serving himself as something dear
and precious to his countrymen.
To encourage this, busIoads OF
school children from all parts of
the country would be brought to
see the National Nuisance at first
hand, Just as they are now driven
about 10 see other natural national
wonders.
Guides would be appointed to fol-
low him about and explain him to
those who have long wondered Just
what he was like
His likeness would be put on post
cards and pennants and pillow
covers.
The moment he became thoroughly
adjusted to being the National Nui-
sance, Congress could grant him a
vast tract of land and let him re-
tire to the center Of it. To prevent
his being bothered by too many
sight-seers, the visiting hours could
gradually be reduced until. fnally.
the public would be allowed to SEQ
or talk to him but once year, and
then only from 9 until 9:15 am.
Well pay for the parchment If
the President will furnish the r,rnc