davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
Poor Man, He's Devils Meat
When II Comes to Flu!
BY DAMON RUNY0N

As YOU probably know, the
thing known as the flu is
the invention of the devil.
However, what you may not
know is that the devil keeps a
file in SHEOL of persons par
ticularly susceptible to flu and
to whom il is harsh punishment.
and that he checks this file at
intervals to make sure that
these persons have been served
with their regular dose of flu.
We have long been convinced
that our name is quite promi-
nent on the list. They never
miss us when the flu is being
dished out. We suppose this is
because we have always been
most outspoken in criticism of
the devil and his works.
But we got so far into March
this year wholly fluless that we
thought the registrar of the
devils rolls must have over
looked us. In fact, we were
commencing to be somewhat
embarrassed, because regular
flu victims were cycling us
speculatively. as if wondering if
we had made a pact with the
old boy that gave us immunity.
FORTUNATELY. we got
Il nailed in time TO avoid a
scandal. We suppose the devil
was looking over the record one
day and seeing no report after
our name for 1911 said
What's the matter with this
guy, anyway"
Then they Immediately dis
patched a germ TO contact US.
1t is really quite relief. We
would not have liked our friends
going around remarking with
sinister meaning:
ITS very strange RunyOn has
not had the flu this year. Very,
very strange"
But now we are okay.
We have had the flu nearly
every year since it became the
vogue, which was around 1918,
as we remember, but we have
never. known where or how we
got an attack. We have been
able to put our finger on GER
tain time ora certain locale
and say:
THAT is where we got it."
We get il any time. any place.
It is claimed that flu is con-
tagious. but we can go out In
the desert as hale and hearty
as you please. with no one else
in miles of us, and come up with
a pippin of a case of flu.
Or we can stand around in a
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25

dense crowd for hours and be
the only one out of that crowd
10 develop flu. We guess the
whole thing is, the devil has
our number
A ND we never get any slight
cases of flu. either. We get
them with all the trimmings,
fever, chills, aches and all the
rest. and what we have not rot
we imagine we have, which is
just as bad.
We think our strongest suit
when it comes to flu is aches.
We can out-ache anybody for
money, marbles or chalk. Often
we ache three times simultane-
ously in the same spot, which
we consider high class aching.
We groan good, too
"Oh-h-h-h-ht" and 100000
co." You ought TO hear us right
now. We have the whole house.
hold in an uproar.
We are one of those flu fell
lows who insist on being sick
at home. so that our misery Will
communicate in some measure
TO the other members of the
household and make them feel
uncomfortable. besides incon-
veniencing them no little.
We feel that some penalty
should be imposed on them for
us being sick.
WE HAVE a doctor down in
w Dade County, Florida, f.
Sterling Nichol, by name, who
contends that this is the wrong
attitude.
"Runyon," he says, you never
enjoy any of the luxury of being
sick. You ought TO go TO n hos
pital and take IL easy and have
professional attendance. Then
YOU can be sick in comfort and
not ne nuisance 10 any oht'
But we figure that in a hos
pital nobody would lend a SYM
pathetic ear to our groans.
Outsiders are barely sympa-
thetic toward a flu victim
anyway.
We have called up half the
reiphborhood to tell them we
have the4flu and folks just say:
well, everybody has it nova
days"
Which we suppose is true, but
everybody cannot have it as bad
as us. Ours is really a special
case. "Oh-h-h-h. Oo-OO4oo-oo"
copyright. 1871. King Features synd. Inc
Distributed by International News Service
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
President Praised

THE action taken by President Roosevelt to establish
national defense mediation board, TO avoid
obstruction of the national defense program by labor
Controversies is one of the most constructive and realistic
achievements Of his administration.
The President to be commended most highly for his
recognition Of the great necessity for this action
He is to be connended also for his selection of
appointees to the board in such that labor,
industry and the general public will have equal repre-
sentaoE and voice with the result that deliberations and
decisions OF the group will reflect the widest possible and
most MISREPRESENTATION Of all interests.
He sto be commended for his fortnight and resolute
meeting OF situation which has become daily and hourly
threatening to the and safety of the American
people.
IT HAS been ineomprehensibe and intoerable to the
ti7at works and projects considered
vital to national security should be imperled and
parayzed BY arbitrary stoppage-for whatever cause
purpose.
IN every part of the country the spectacle has been
recently Afforded Of The young of the community being
conscped for military service and sacrificing and
homeLfe In order tocomply
Attending this has been the amazing spectacle of
many of the vital industries of the country Indispensable
to the armed forces as sources of munitions weapons
clothing, shelter and food made idle by strikes.
This contrast and conflict is obviously indefensibe
and uncomfortable IN the eyes of the majority of the people
1T DOES not mean the public demand or the national
l need is for abandonment of any of the reasonable
rights of labor and industry of any of the proper OPP
Portunities of worker and employer to negotiate cond
tons and standards Unemployment.
demand and national necessity require and will insist
upon continued and unhamPered production of defense
materials in spite any controversy however difficult
prolonged
The national defens-->rpedation board estab-
ished by the President is the answer to that demand
and need. Y
1t may not be the complete or final answer.
The new board apparently does not have very great
powers of either decision enforcement and the Pres
dent obviously hopes it will not be necessary to create
such powers
I JE APPARENTLY and earnestly, and most properly
hopes American labor and industry will accept and
honor the friendly and helpful ntercesson of government
IN their controversies and will recognize their obligations
to put national interest and safety above all other inter
est, and will match the patriotism and willingness to
accept sacrifice of the hundreds of thousands of young
called into the uniformed service of the country.
There should be and is every confidence that the
President will not be disappointed dsusioned in these
hopes
The new mediation board is welcomed by the people,
and encourages the expectations the people that their
very great sacrifices for national defense will be in
vain
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
Connolly Answers
1916 Glendale avenue.

John Masefeld, Robert Bridges.
Alfred Austin
?. ta) Composer. (b) singer, (c)
violinist
;. (a) Washington. d. C.. (b) New,
York City. tc) near Los
Angeles. Cal.
| fa) "ClariSsa II a ~ GU
Richardson, tb) Through the
Looking Glass Carroll (c)
"Redgauntlet"-S Scott
). Douai version. King James YER
sion, American Revised version.
5. (a) Swedish, (b) Norwegian,
(c) Danish. e.
Z. (a) Bells played by keyboard
arrangement, tb) flute player,
(c) melody.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25

HERSHEY is also fighting any
III blanket exemptions - such
as those urged for policemen,
firemen and medical students.
He is right
The greatest blunder in the
World War draft was a blanket
exemption. for workers in ship
yards and Jack Dempsey was
photographed as steam riveter
in spatsl
Essentially in a local civilian
Job is the only criterion and the
local draft boards are the best
tribunals to determine that in
respect Of their neighbors.
If we begin exempting occu-
pational classes by act of Con-
gress. there will be no end.
Pretty soon it will be suggested
thai adagio dancers are essential.
TO. keep up public spirits. That
actually happened in 1917 at the
instance of the great Pavlowa.
The argument is persuasive but
SDtIle inOliltiS SUITS udNt " NnN-
rifice and suffer as soldiers. This
is the last place to make class
distinctions.
And. by the way, now that
Doctor Dykstra has resigned to
take over a full time job in the
new war labor board. Why can't
Hershey. who has done this out
standing job. now be acknowl-
edged and appointed director of
selective service? General Gull
lion, who is the only other quail
fed cand idate, has recon-
mended this.
Distributed by King Features synd.. Inc
Reproduction in whole or In part
strictly prohibited.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
Lett ers TO
The Editor
TO THE EDITOR:

IL HE EBttOR.
WHAT are the reactions of
w the baseball fans, as well
as other citizens, upon learning
of the physical condition in
which Hank Greenberg has been
categorical?
Perhaps a small contribution
on the part of each of his fans
would enable Mr.. Greenberg to
have the wisdom tooth. which
is causing him so much trouble,
extracted.
How much can you folks af-
ford, in the way of contributions,
to relieve Hanks chronic back
ache? Why not make a little
extra effort so we can get
Greenberg back on his feet,
All, yes-his feet. With the
cooperation of a few or even
Just one really American doctor
who knows some remedy for
flat feet, such as exercise and
massage as is advocated by all
army doctors, we could put
Hank in almost a perfect physi-
cal setup.
I'm sure, from the physical
report, you will all agree Hank
is Just physically unable to play
this season. Therefore, for the
sake of baseball shall we say,
let's put our shoulders to the
wheel and help a needy friend.
Perhaps we can even get him
in such shape the army must
consent to take him in spite of
themselves,
u CARROIINO
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
Quiz Answers

l. Opossum-
2. Salutatorian. The valedictory
is the closing address.
3. Railroad and highway cross.
4. Hunters Used ramfods to load
their guns.
5. The Lido.
s. Theodore Roosevelt.
T. Gaglieimo Marconi.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
|AERlNG DOWN ON THE NEWS:
DOiEi0 Unto others
By ARTHUR (BUGs) BAER

BY ARTHUR tBUGS) BAER
say that developments in the Balkans are not quite
monotonous waiting for turtle to grow up There is
going be copperveted trouble there quicker than you
can cure bacon in a burning barn
The belgerent Greek has demonstrated his ability to do
unto his neighbor his neghbor got in the first punch
Those boys have proved there ngh way to rub pore
pine.
walked the Spring sunshine Sunday and thought This
is peace and hope lasts longer than soda
water with straws.'
International
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
2s YEARS AGO TO-DAY
March rs, 1916

Fifty lives lost in alleged
U-boat attack on English liner
Sussex one American reported
dead. IL missing.
Verdun set sfire by Germss
shells.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
MeIIon--G Great American

A LMOST exactly four years ago President Roosevelt
n submitted a special message to Congress recon-
mendng acceptance of Andrew Melons offer priceless
art treasures to the nation.
With regard to Mr.. MELONS proposal that his private
treasures representing an investment of go million
dollars but in reality of nesmable value De permanently
housed in national art gallery which he proposed to
contribute an additional eight million dollars the Presi
dent said:
ut is with keen sense of appreciation of the gen
purpose of the donor and the satisfaction that
with the knowledge that such a splendid collection will
be placed at the seat of for the benefit
and enjoyment of people during all the years to
come that | submit this matter to the Congress"
WITH commehdabIe promptness and foresight Con-
w gress complied with the Presidents suggestion
Not many weeks later Mr. Mellon died
But throughout the ensuing years, the project of
national art gallery which he had enYsioned-
possible carried steadily forward
Now is complete, and on March II President Roose
welt stood in the magnificent marble gallery which had
risen vertically on the foundation of mans dream
and said
THE dedication of this gallery to a living past and
to greater and more richly living future is the
Of earnestness of our intention that the freedom of the
human spirit shall 60
ITO accept this work today to assert the purpose
OF the people of America that the freedom of the human
spirit and human mind which has produced the worlds
great art and all its science shall not be utterly destroyed
THE American people have thus acquired not just an
institution for the preservation of art objects. but
ownership in perpeuity of of the finest collections
Of the worlds real treasures ever assembled as President
Roosevelt said, for the benefit and enjoyment of
people
AT thu time Of Mr.. hefOns death, the Hearst news
papers commented edltonally on his provision for
national art gallery:
This Is philanthropy ON scale the world has prob
ably known before. Millions of people will profit
because Of IT, As the of such farreachng benefits
TO humanity Mr. Mellon is we'll called great American.
Americans of all future generations will associate
his name with the magnificent national art gallery which
he endowed will be reminded only by their textbooks
that he was secretary of the treasury for IL years."
IT Is to be hoped that future generations Of Americans
1 while enjoying the phlanthropies of Andrew Mellon
70 the utmost viii consult their textbooks often enough
70 remember that those II years he reduced the public
debt Of the United States By eight billion dollars
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25

Foreign Rates 7ou .Applestiopl
+ All money sent at sender's risk. DO not
send cash or stamps. All checks, drafts
and money orders should be made payable
10 THE TINES PUBLISHING COMPANY.
international News Service has the eNcu-
sive riEhts 70 use for reproduction IN any
form an news dispatches credited 70 II OF
mt 5t1rr~fsr cr-1ftrs 70 t.1ss rsp-f.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
HE SAYS:

r. SA1S
III when we have enough
reserves for our immediate and
prospective needs. IL Is my per-
sonal opinion that the limits
should he changed to 1928.
Furthermore, when such
change Is IN d e registrants
within those ages should have
some privilege of deciding when
they would like TO take their
years training. An 18-year-old
boy just out of high school
could begin his training right
away, or walt until he Is 20 IL
he wants TO get in few years
of college"
That is the kind of liberal.
common sense that proves the
absence of any NaZi Fascist
hard boiled. attitude in this
mans army OF 1871.
The most legitimate complaint
about the draft administration
is the acceptance Of men by the
local boards medical examiners.
followed by their rejection by
army doctors. The man loses
his civilian job and is then re-
jected by the army. This can be
corrected by a closer co-opera-
ton between the surgeon gen.
erals office and the draft Office
as il was in 1917 and by getting
out an understandable examina-
ton manual for civilian doctors.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
Criticism
Of Draft
AnSWe ere q
Need Older Age Limits
TO Build Reserve
Ths opinions expressed by
General Johnson are not nsces-
sariiy those Of The Detroit
Timss)
BY HUGH S. JOHNSON

WASHINGTON. March 25.-
W There have been some creaks
and some resulting criticism in
the administration -selectipe
service, but, considering that
the organization has to reach
into millions of American homes
with an almost inquisitorial
process and deprive hundreds of
thousands or them of a young
member of the. family, the re-
markable slenderness of the
number of complaints is an
astonishing tribute to the intel
ligence with which this demo-
cratic sitting process has been
done.
One criticism is that the age
limits-2l to 35-are too wide
and include too many family
men and that ages should have
been Is to 81.
No better answer could be
made than the one given by
Gen. Louis B. Hershey, who has
carried most of the load.
Hershey showed that, while the
younger age limits used by long
established European systems of
universal service are an eventual
goal, we had no such vast re-
serve of trained men of all ages.
We could not have confined
this draft to kids alone. in build
ing up this great emergency
army. without depopulating our
colleges in particular and our
youth classes in general.
HERSHEY has made a life
IL study of the World War
and other consumption systems.
He is as near a specialist as we
have on the subject of the draft.
Don't forget that the war de-
partment didn't write that draft
act.
Itdidn't want age limits so
wide. but neither did it want l8
TO u, for the simple and SCI
entific reason that the broader
the field the more liberal and
gentle can be the application OF
this sacrificial law.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25
DEfR0FTsa8g FINES

Published every Week Day Evening and
Sunday Morning by The Times Publishing
at 1928 Times Square, Detroit,
Mich.
at Detroit, Mich, as Second Class
Mall Matter
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25

Subscription rates I'm advance) by mail
. any place In the TINTED STATES, Csnada
n Mexico.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25

IF THE Turks see that the
L Greeks and British have
chance. they could contribute
enough defensively in Salonika
-te enable the Allies To put up
a fight With tho Greeks on the
left of the line. the British in
tho center and Turks on the
right. Hitler'S army would have
a Job on lis hands.
The British weakness Of
long rear line OF supplies back
across the Mediterranean 10
Africa would not APPEAR inSui-
mountahlc They still hold all
the seas around Africa. so they
could maintain their various
enterprises with re as onab1e
hope.
The answer 10 all these ques-
tions Will develop in the num-
Der of men they put into Greece
which is not clear yet.
Distributed by KING Features synd Inc
Reproduction In whole ar m part
HlIlcLlx p1uh.hlied.
Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-03-25

IT Is TO be hoped that future generations Of Americans
while enjoying the phianthropies of Andrew Mellon
70 the utmost viii consult their textbooks often enough
70 remember that IN those II years he reduced the public
debt Of the United States by eight billion dollars.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27
BiuftOn Has Nine
Hole Golf Course

A new form of outdoor sports be-
came available to Bluffton residents
this year with the establishment of
a nine hole golf course on the "a
acre farm of F. E. Wenger, one and
one-half miles south of Bluffton on
the Dixie highway.
The new greens will be in good
shape by spring and the fairways
will be in excellent condition. Fees
will be $50 for men and SO for
women per year.
A meeting of the golf club will
be held in the near future in which
plans will be made for the coming
year.
Officers directing the organization
include: Ralph Patterson, president
Elmer Romey, secretary-treasurer;
executive board, DIR. Boyd Travis,
DR.. Evan Basinger and William
Edwards; membership committee, R.
L. Triplett, Russell Lantz, Don Pat
terson, Edgar Chamberlain ano
Harry Bogart.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27

Take advantage of Days bargains.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27
Mems Quality Wear
At Steiner & HHSel

A complete mems furnishings
shop is operated by Steiner and
Huser, one of the towns leading
businesses since it's establishment in
1927.
Specializing in mems wear, the
store offers well known quality prod
ucts. Careful buying is the watch
word of the organization and items
carried can be depended upon as
those appealing to Bluffton area
patrons.
An unusually wide variety of mer-
chandise in the clothing and foot.
wear lines has caused many people
of the community to be regular Gus.
toners of this popular establish
ment.
Ed Steiner and Hiram Huser, ex
perienced merchants, are operator:
of the store.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27
Stone Co. Produces
so Tons Per Hour

Capacity of the modern plant oper-
ated by The Bluffton Stone Co., or
ganized in 1880, is more than 60 tons
of highest quality crushed stone per
hour.
Twenty acres of the best stone in
this section is available for quarry
ing, and the plant has an average
of 10000 tons of crushed stone on
hand at all times.
Locally produced stone has an Al
grading by the state highway depart
ment. A recent phase of production
is that of agricultural lime sand for
use in lining fields.
Two large trucks are used for de-
liveries within a 16-mile radius, and
the plant has complete railroad ia
cilities for shipments to other parts
of the state.
Raymond Conrad, secretary and
treasurer of the concern, also serves
as general manager. Other officers
include C. B. Fett, president; Gilbert
Fett, vice president; Donavin Con-
rad, assistant secretary and treas
urer; and Alfred Mueller and Charles
Gazette, directors.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27

within the library, classrooms, or
the library study hall. If these
figures were added to the years
total circulation the amount prob
ably would be tripled.
The library now has 1902 volumes
on its shelves, 500 of these having
been added by gift and purchase this
year. The purchases also include 90
magazine subscriptions. The back
numbers are kept on file for future
reference.
National Book Week, was observ-
ed in November. A number of new
juvenile books were purchased, and
book talks were given in the grade
school by Miss Ocie Anderson, IL
brarian. A one-act play entitled
"Why are Library Lessons?" was
presented by Miss Anderson's eighth
grade library students before the
Parent Teachers Association and for
Grade School Assembly.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27
Hauenstein Pharmacy
Founded Here In 1870

One of Buttons oldest business
establishments is the A. Hauenstein
and Son pharmacy, founded in 1870.
The store has been in its present
location at South Main and Cherry
street since 1878, and is Gre of the
towns oldest landmarks. Andrew
Hauenstein, pioneer Bluffton drug
gist, established the concern, and
since 1904 it has been managed by
his son Edgar Hauenstein.
In addition to handling a complete
line of drugs and other items, the
store also serves as headquarters
for the Board of Public Affairs.
The Bluffton news. [volume] (Bluffton, Ohio) 1875-current, 1941-02-27
Bluffton Boy Scout Troop Given Many
Distinctions In District Scouting

were donated to the community IN
81 projects which contributed to
civic betterment.
Some of these activities are: Dis
tribution of war relief posters for
the Red Cross; distribution of hand
bills for the American Legion on
Memorial Day; raise the American
flag at the high school every day;
assistance in the distribution OF
Christmas baskets; distribute grain
for squirrels at college campus for
sportsmen's club.
% Scouts in Troop
The following boys are members
of the troop:
Life scout-Kenneth Oberly.
Star scouts-Wilhelm Amstutz III
Floyd Herr, Richard and Robert
Oberly, John Schmidt, Raymond
Schumacher.
First class-Norman Beidler, Otto
Klassen, Warden Loganbill, Denard
Loganbill, Bill Mericle, Harry Minck
Second class-Gordon Bixel, Rich
ard Berky, Maurice Kohl, Robert
Stratton.
Observation-Disclosures Augsburger
Robert Fisher, Evan Herr, Richard
Minck, Charles Tripplehorn, Dear
Niswander.
Assisting Scoutmaster Gable are
Assistant Scoutmaster, Paul Win
gate; Jr. Asst. Scoutmaster, Ken
meth Oberly; Sr. Patrol Leader, Bill
Amstutz; Quartermaster, Robert Oh
erly; Asst Quartermaster, Johr
Schmidt.
Buglers, Dean Niswander and Bill
Amstutz; News reporter, Floyt
Herr; scribe, Norman Beidler; Quar-
termaster, Raymond Schumacher.