Evening star., 1941-06-30

almost every country that has O
navigable river.
The Russians will like this stuff"
I said to myself as ! sorted out q
raft of coatskis, vestskis. shirtskis,
and knickerbockerskis. Downstairs
my wife practiced the Internation-
ale on the balalaika and gave in
structions to the maid to remove
the set of Zane Grey from the place
of honor in the library and replace
it with a drugstore edition of
Lenin's Memoirs.
Then it dawned on me that per-
haps the Russians wouldn't want
the clothes I planned to send them.
Wasn't everything I had tinged
with capitalism? Take the old
pair of gray slacks, for example.
I last wore them at Newport when
I was covering the American Cup
yacht races, and If there is any
thing a Russian despises 1t must
be a yacht race A Communist
probably would prefer TO freeze to
death in his shorts rather than to
slip into a pair of pants that had
been associated, no matter how
vaguely, with such people as the
Vanderbilts and the Whitneys.
And the still serviceable flannel
shirt, which had once been on the
same golf course with a House Of
Morgan partner. A true son Of the
Soviet might well break out in a
Seventeen itch, which would take
a Five-Year-Plan to cure, II he
happened to pick 1t out Of one of
the Bundles to Russia and wear it.
But I couldn't find it in my heart
to worry about this. If Russia
wanted to get nice bundles she
should have gotten into the war
sooner. My best hand-me- downs,
and I'm sure your best hand-me-
downs, went to the early bellig-
erents, and I think it serves Russia
right for hanging around in the
hope that the democracies would
eventually be played out and she
could rob the exhausted. It's Just
Russia's tough luck that the democ-
racies lasted longer than their good
clothes.
To get a clear picture Of the fan
tastic, ironical twists this war has
taken an American only has to fig
ure out where his old clothes are at
the present moment.
Take that leather windbreaker I
bundled off to Finland last year. 1t
went with the best wishes OF
man who hoped to help Finland In
her fight against Russia. Russia
was palling around with Germany at
that time, and I couldn't foresee
that my old windbreaker would
finally come upon such days as TO
have a swastika lead it into battle.
When I broke up that hounds
1
to England and the trousers to
France I romantically pictured
them as fighting side by side against
common enemy. They were a
minor but cheerfully given contTi-
button against Nazi Germany. Now,
for all I know, an Englishmsn in
the hounds tooth coat is dodging
| bullets fired by Frenchman in the
| hounds tooth pants. If had known
that France was ever going to turn
against England I would have sent
stuff to France that would have
| hurt her cause, rather than helped
it. Those old patent leather Ganc-
ing pumps of mine, for instance
Or that go-both-ways plaid Sfer-
lock Holmes cap got for a present.
| II
| But this confusion over where to
send bundles won't last forever. We
won't always have to fret about
| sending things to friends who turn
| into enemies before the parcels
arrive. There is a very simple way
of determining how the battle lines
eventually will be drawn. What We
must do is to find out what nations
have non-aggression pacts between
| them. They are the ones who In
time are going to fight against each
| other. Countries don't declare war
on one another any more. They
sign non-aggression pacts and then
| go to it.
So let us make up our bundles and
address them to our favorite non
aggressors. with all confidence that
they'll be at war before our bundles
| arrive.
| Distributed by McNaught Syndicate, Inc }