The McDowell times. [volume] (Keystone, W. Va.) 1904-1941, 1941-02-28
BY KATHLEEN NORRIS
TROUBLED girl writes

~ me from a Kentucky town
L n to ask just how she can be
sure that she loves her young
man enough to marry him; just
what tests of heart and soul and
mind he should pass before she
will know that he is the one and
only love of her life.
"Should 1 think he is abso-
lutely perfect in everything?"
asks Nancy. Because, while
love him very much, l do see
his faultsl They're not very
serious, but suppose they grew
more serious after we were
married? I can't imagine my
self liking another man better,
or indeed liking another man at
all, but at the same time Ken
meth does fret me in certain lit
tie ways and I'm wondering
how important they are.
For example, he's extravagant;
he likes the best seats at shows, al
ways comes for me in a taxi if the
family is using his car, sends me
orchids and gardenias when there's
really no occasion for them. Then
he takes everything so lightly;
love books, poetry, art, but if l take
him to an exhibition or concert he
only goes to please me, and I know
it. Also / never knew such a man
for sport! Duck season, bass fishing,
perhaps going to Florida or Catalina
for marlin, tennis, golf, bridge, dom
lnoes; he plays everything and he
will bet on anything. Since these
things-or rather what they may
lead to, really disturb me, am safe
in marrying this man l have known
all my life and respect and love so
well?"
What really disturbs ME about this
letter is the almost infantile SIM
pllcity and Self-centerednesS of Man.
cy. 1t seems incredible that any
girl could grow to manageable age
with so romantic and idealistic a
viewpoint.
I'll tell you something about mar
riage, Nancy, and at the same time
tell some of the other girls and
brides who write me the same sort
Of question.
Marriage an Eye-Opener.
Marriage is one of the eye-openers
of life. War is another; serious pow
erty, long illness, enforced solitude
and a religious vocation are some
OF the others. When you marry you
wake up with bump from all your
little-girl dreams of that gallant
sutton, who was going to ride into
your life on a great white horse,
leap to earth to kiss your hand, and
put you on a pedestal of devotion
more, OF idolatry, forever.
The man you marry is as selfish
as you are, perhaps even more self
ish. He doesn't know it any more
than you do. His innocent amaze
ment that because you love your old
friend Barbara you want to ask her
to dinner once a week, that be-
cause you don't like cornbread you
aren't ever going to make it, that
you will send your mother Ave dol
lars worth OF flowers when she is
i'll and then insist that he turn out
all the lights upstairs before he
comes down to dinner, is just as in
nocently inconsistent as a hundred
things you do.
Early married life is full of pin
pricks, jars and shocks. Often a
young wife actually forgets the
thrill, the glamour, the JOY Of be-
longing to Philip, the pride of wife
hood, in her bewilderment and dis
tress over trihes that mean selfish
ness, indifference TO her wishes, per-
sistence in his own way.
Face Percentage Of Differences.
This is inevitable. Courtesy and
affection may cloak the situation for
a shorter or longer time, but eventu-
ally the man and woman must face
a certain percentage of differences.
Differences Of opinion, of custom, of
habits, or everything.
Not only that. The situation is
complicated by the fact that a man
II one thing when he is counting,