Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1941-04-03
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Notes of a New Yorker:


Press feels about the following fact
:. 1t reminds its staffers that news
may break any place-and it warns
them not to be Indifferent to any 10
Gale for scoops 1t stems from
1917, when the late Bob Bender
(who became UPS vice president)
was in the White House Mushroom,
and in came Joe Tumulty, secre-
tary to President Wilson Tu-
multy was so upset he couldn't
steady himself, which made Bender
nervous "What the devils the
matter with you, anyway" shouted
the newspaperman.
"Y-y-y-you'd b-b-b-be n-n-n-nerv-
Gus, too" chartered Tumulty, "if
you h-h-h-had j-j-j-just seen Dec
laration of War;"
Bender, still disarranged, sped out
of the place and down to the UP
offices with the notable scoop.
There is danger that Hitler can
take America, but there is more
danger in those so-called Americans
VIII WOQlQ give IL W llllll
The newspapers, as you probably
have heard, always write the obitu-
aries of well-known citizens long
before they die and then file them
away until they are summoned to
the Pearly Gates. One New York
newspaper has this opening line on
IT, fIo0
mark, to wit: "Father Divine, the
man who claimed he would live for
ever, didn't"
One of Broadway's ham actors
was recently booked into one of
those intimate night clubs On
his opening night he warned the
manager that he needed absolute
quiet while he performed The
manager complied by instructing his
staff to obey this request After
the first performance the manager
went backstage to inquire if every
thing was okay.
NO. shouted the ham, "all
through my act there was terrific
disturbance. 1t went puck brrrrrrr
thwacckk! Have that stopped"
Look" squelched the manager,
"when that puck brrrrrrr thwacckk
stops-you will be fired. That's the
cash register!"
Cholly Adler, the Tavern-keeper,
relays the one about the day Goering
stormed into an aircraft factory, or
dered a dozen planes, and demanded
they be ready in three days
''That is impossible!" shrieked the
foreman "It must be So"
barked Goering, and strobe away -.
Nazi efficiency came crashing
through, and three days later, when
a crew arrived at the factory, the
planes were ready as ordered
The pilots got in and scared over
the channel to bomb the British .
Reaching London, the first pilot
pulled his bomb release-and out
dropped four of the factory's night
shift!
Joseph Clark Baldwin, who has
been mentioned for the vacancy
caused by the passing of Kenneth
Simpson, has four-year-old unmar-
ried son who attends private school.
The other day he was asked to re-
cite the Pledge of Allegiance
All the political talk he heard at
home apparently confused him. He
convulsed his teacher by starting:
81 pledge allegiance to the flag and
to the Republicans for which it
stands!"
Jimmy Dorsey tells about the Hol
lywood producer who was trying to
theft a big box-office personality
from a rival studio. He dangled a
contract in front of the actor and
asked: "Well, is it Yes?" The
actor shook his head "Then,"
persisted the producer, "is it MOI"
The actor still shook his head.
"Well," plaintively continued the
producer, cat least won't you re-
consider and give me definite may
be-"
A delegation of Japanese recently
visited the Curtiss-Wright aviation
plant in Paterson, N. j. . . An
inspection tour, it was called -.
They were loaded with cameras, of
course Guided and supervised
by courteous personnel, they were
allowed to snap pictures of certain
parts and motors to their hearts
content Now don't get excited
it was all right This was the
catch Before leaving the plant
all had to pass through tiny room
in single file In that room.
unknown to them, was battery of
X-ray machines, bombarding away
Those rays, in case you dldden
know, rendered useless the films the
Japanazis had exposed None
of the pictures turned out" and
no relations or niceties were
strained.
Broadway Alien: When he shakes
your hand he wants to know what's
in your heart, not up your sleeve
He continues tipping his hat to
ladies long after he's lost his curly