Evening star., 1941-07-05

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M ageous ever to
ssSsessssSS &szzs&& bow to a con-
Henry MeLemore. Queror.
1t is alarming because OF what it
portends for this country. If Eng
land has gone that far TO show its
friendship for its new ally, there is
no telling what we will do when We
decide as a nation to move over and
let this new and strange bedfellow
in. The conservative English have
gone long way but we'll go further.
Kicks for Casualties.
Where the English just waltz or
foxtrot to Russian music. we'll un-
doubtedly do Russian dances to
Russian music. You know the type
where you fold your arms, almost sit
on the floor, and then start kicking
your feet out in front of you while
letting out intermittent yells. I just
got up and tried that dance mo-
ment ago to see how it worked, and
it's positively dangerous. had two
people holding me while I kicked and
all three Of US are pretty seriously
injured. Get a whole nation trying
to learn that dance and we'll have tO
get our bundles back from Britain
to take care of the casualties.
The English probably are just sip
ping their vodka, but Americans are
not Slippers We are a nation Of
belters, sluggers, bottoms-uppers,
down-the-hatchers, and you-can't-
| f1y-on-one-Wingers. When we start
toasting Moscow with vodka, she'll
stay toasted.
There is nothing I won't do for
my readers. In the cause of roper
torial accuracy I went out and
bought a bottle of vodka and, de-
spite a morning long leaning to-
ward temperance, tried it out. II
seemed to me to be the only way
I could really learn what the Rus
sian national hangover-producer
was like, and how to advise Amer
leans to handle it when the time
comes for us to salute democracys S
new pal.
Made of Live Goals.
The first drink of vodka is like the
final examination at a school of
sword-swallowing.
The dictionary says vodka IS
made from rye, but that's the big
gest lie Noah Webster ever told.
The base of it is live Goals and the
second the first drop touched my
tongue that unsuspecting victim
curled up in the style of frightened
anchovy and whispered hoarse
warnings to my palate. MY palate
died game in the flames and man
aged to call to my stomach, Man
the pumps, boys"
But it was too late.
The vodka had struck.
Now I know why Russians wear
boards. 1t gives them something to
hold on to to keep from falling after
drink of vodka 1 also know that
the proper place for vodka is the
bathroom medicine chest, not the
bar. 1t should be kept in bottle
marked with the skull and cross
bones, and an antidote kept nearby.
/ Instead of Americans drinking
vodka as a gesture of friendship to-
ward Russia, and thus running the
risk of having rigor mortis set in
from Puget Sound to Key West. I
suggest we adopt less dangerous
Russian customs,
A Speeding Version.
Isn't it Russia where wolves al
ways gallop behind carriages and
can only be appeaSed by some one
in the carriage being thrown out to
them? We have but few wolves in
this country, but we can make It a
national practice to heave some one
overheard whenever a speed COP
gets in hot pursuit of an automo-
bile. Come to think of it, there isn't
a great deal of difference between
a wolf and speed cop.
Knowing as we do how the present
Russian government feels about a
Romanoff, We could organize a sort
of national posse to chase Prince
Mike Romanoff out of the country.
At present he is running a restau-
rant in Hollywood and there is little
doubt but that he would cooperate
to the fullest IN being chased II he
thought he could get some publicity.
This is a splendid idea. 1t would
please our chums, the Russians, to
know that we were hot on the trail
Of Romanoff, even though a
phoney one. 1t would please the
prince because he could hold
menu in his hand as he fed and
advertise today's blue plate special
while in full flight.
I'll have to run now-my samovar
is boiling over.
Distributed by McNauzht Syndicate. IncD