Evening star., 1941-08-21

III M*NM The chances
zsza are I'll leave
McLemore. Norfolk in the
baggage coach ahead, with rela-
tives crying their eyes out in the
day coach back behind.
Despite my misery let me explain.
Tunney, who is alive with muscles
and gets up every morning to wear
out three beagles tearing through
the moors, and then comes home to
exhaust five trapeze bars and put
calluses on exercise mats, has insti-
tuted a health program in the Navy.
There wasn't a Charley horse in
the Navy until they made Tunney
a lieutenant commander, dressed
him in a white suit and turned him
loose to make the Navy fit.
He is making the Navy fit. OFF,
GERS to whom have talked say that
his program already has improved
the we'll being of the sailors and
that within a year he will have
made the tars into Tarzans and
increased their efficiency a good Is
per cent.
That's all very well, but to gain
first-hand picture Of what his pro-
gram was doing. 1t was suggested
that I have a try at 1t and see just
how my muscles would respond. 7
know now that there is no good
angel watching over me. If there
were, he would have sideswiped me
with his wings, knocked me out
with his harp, If necessary, done
anything to keep me from saying
"yes" to the suggestion that I go
through the Tunney program.
I started right from the begin
ming.
A chief petty officer took me to
the train where a bunch of incom-
ing recruits got of and showed me
in among them.
No one knew that I wasn't re-
cruit. True, looked a trifle older,
but by holding my breath and fax
ing an elastic step, took few
years off my "a. They marched US
straight down to the Gene Tunney
inquisition chambers.
B. T. Cbefore Tunney they used
to march recruits straight to the
doctor. No more. You are taken
to a gymnasium and every muscle
in your body, and all third cousins
of muscles, are tested to the limit.
All they need is a rack and set
of thumb screws to make the place
complete.
Two officers greeted us at the door
of the Tunney chamber of horrors.
Take off your shirt" the one who
looked like Bella Lugosi's backward
brother said to me. II want to study
your posture"
He turned his head for a moment
and I went to work trying to get
decent posture. I Strengthened old
shoulder blades that hadn't moved
in five years and held up all my
chins at one time.
The officer took a careful look
at me.
Bad" he said, mighty bad. Go
over there and let me see you chin
yourself, Over there on that hori-
zontal bar"
He explained he was keeping q
check on my performance. The
Government wanted to know how
many times I could chin myself, how
far I could broad Jump, how many
times I could do the pushup"
and how many times I could execute
the back lever.
The best I could do chinning was
three times, and I had to take my
shoes off to accomplish that. AS I
hung there, unable to do anything
but ache all over, I couldn't help but
recall those dead days when was a
kid and thought nothing Of chinning
myself so times and skinning the
cat until my tie fell off, to impress
my sweetheart.
I was given score of 18 for my
three "chins." The average is Is
"chins
I didn't do bad on the standing
broad jump. I made feet even,
but 1t cost me a twisted ankle and
hurt my chances on the pushup.
fell on my face after three tries at
that and was dragged over to the
mat for the back-levers. I won't
describe this torture, but will pass
1t off by saying it makes trench war;
fare seem pleasant by comparison.
When I finally finished the Tun-
ney routine and was wondering If I
couldn't bribe ST. Bernard to bring
me mint julep, I was cheered up
by the information that I had been
assigned to the weak squad"
What does that mean?" I asked
| between moanS.
| The weak squad" was told, was
another little idea of Tunney's. The
recruits who aren't up to average
in the torture chamber are given the
blessed opportunity Of doing extra
work every day. Those who survive
are sent to sea. Those who don't
are buried at sea.
Davy Jones, open your locker.
Mermaid, what did you say your
number WASP Underwater 1892?
Okav hahe TIL he calling vo,r