Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-10-02
So Joe Turp
Learns Why
Umpires Die

BY DAMON RUNYoN
Mr. Joe Turp writes:
BROOKLYN. Oct

Mr.. Joe Iufp writes:
BROOKLYN, oct /.
NEAR Sir: Wei l took my
- wife Ethel TO the Worlds
Series game over in New York
today on the buckets my boss
gave me for a bonus and our
seats were in the grand stand
back of third base and aS soon
as we sat down Ethel COM
menced hollering kill the umpire,
kill the umpire, kill the umpire.
| SeS look beautiful. what is
the idea of hollering kill the
umpire when the game has not
even started yet? She ses why.
Joe. my Pops told me last night
that il was good thing 10 heller
Kill the umpire as soon as you
get in the baseball park. My
Pops Ses the umpire is always
thinking of doing something
wrong 10 the Dodgers and that
if YOU holler, kill him before he
gets a chance 10 do il he may
get scared and change his mind.
a big guy sitting next 10 us in
his ShirtSlccyeS SOS brlght-eyeS,
YOU have got something there
and he began hollering, kill the
umpire, too.
Then when il was time for the
game 10 start six umpireS came
out and stood around the home
plate talking things over and |
SeS that's more umpireS than |
ever saw before al a ball game
in my lie. | SeS | wonder why
they have so many today and
Ethel Sos Joe maybe they are
afraid we will really kill some
of them if they do something 10
The Dodgers and want 10 have
some spare ones on hand and the
big < city CITY seS,- mo -bff'ieffteyeS. t
think its. because they figure the
more uu1pireS they have got the
more things they can do TO the
Dodgers.
THEN he hollered, kill all the
Il umpifeS. and Ethel hollered.
kill all of them with HIM, and
they Mere still hollering when
the game started With Curt
Davis pitching for the Dodgers
and Ruffing for the Yanks and
Ethel SEES Joe, / thought YOU ses
Mister Durochcr was going 10
let Higbe or Wyatt pitch today
and l SeS so did /, baby. but he
has crossed us up. She ses well,
| guess Davis is a nice fellow,
but | would feel better if Higbe
or Wyatt was pitching and the
big guy Ses, brighteyes, you have
got something there.
In the second inning Gordon
hit a home run into the left field
stand and Ethel got very quiet
and / seS whats the matter
with YOU sweets. She seS, MOTH
ing, Joe. | am just hating Cor
don but | don't think il would
be very dignified TO do it out
loud. | am hating him in pri-
Vatc. ! SEES. O don mind a little
thing like a home run this early
IN the game Ethel l SeS, we
VIII make il up pretty soon.
In the fourth inning the YankS
got another run and Ethel SeS,
doe, when are we going to make
up Gordon's home run? l SeS,
we have not only got to make
that one up, Ethel, but we have
now got TO make another one up
bat you Just be patient. She ses,
! wish Gordon was playing for
our side. The big guy SeS, bright
eyes, that makes two OF us wish
ing the same thing. / Ses both
Of Nou make me tired =I-&aS
what's homo run? Ethel seS,
It's home run Joe
VHEN when the game was
Il over and the YankS had
three runs and the Dodgers only
two, Ethel SEES. we'll Joe, you
sec its still a home run and big
guy Ses, brighteyeS, are you still
hating Gordor-in private? Ethel
ses yes, | am and the big guy
Sos lets hate IN public and
throw in Camilli for tanning out
Three times and Ethel SeS. O
couldn't do that because Camilli
lives in Brooklyn but | Will hate
Gordon with you with pleasure,
! Sos. lets 60 home Ethel. |
SOS tomorrow is another day and
we viii get them. then. and she
Sos AN right, Joe, but have
just remembered S ON ct hin G.
Those umpircS didn't do any
thing 10 the Dodgers after all
You see my Pops was right
about soaring them in advance
J wish We had been able 10 scare
Gordon The same way. The bic
guy SEES, brightcycs, that makes
two of as wishing the same
thing again
Yours truly,
JOE TTRP.
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