The Wilmington morning star., 1941-01-16

NEW YORK, Jan. 15.-Whenever
Harold l.. for Lovable) Ickes
wants to be especially mean to me
he recalls that I used to be a
sports writer, and there are times
when this hurts my feelings, be-
cause, after all, it does my store
no good to have him walking up
and down in front carrying a sign
that says my thoughts are just the
ignorant musings of a desc, dose
and dem guy with a cauliflower
mind. Everybody has to get start
ed some way, don't they? Ickes
seems to think Stain is pretty
good, but Stain got his start rob-
bing banks and President Roose-
welt was a Wall Street lawyer, and
you might say that explains his
knack for getting around the con-
stitution without breaking it.
But other days, like today, it
just seems that if we had a lot of
sports writers a%nalyzing what you
might call the situation it would
make it easier for everybody to
understand how things are going,
because everybody knows pretty
much about sports, but you start
telling them about Machiavelli and
they think he is a violinist.
Will Pay Attention
So, like I say, if a cosmic OBJ
server gives out about Napoleon
or the Twenty-seven Years war,
nine out of ten customers will
brush on by, because it reminds
them of when they were in school,
but if you give them someone like
Primo Camera they will pay at
tention and learn something. So
MIR. 1ckes can cut class today while
I draw a parallel between Primo,
or Old Satch, as we used to cali
him, and The DUce of the new
Italian empire.
When Old Satch came over here
he was grabbed off by a bunch of
the boys, and they gave him a big
bulldup to make him look terrific,
as we say. They remembered that
Luis Angel Firpo had been called
the Wild Bull of the Pampas, so
they called Satch the Wild Boar,
and they had a picture of a wild
boar embroidered on his ring
pants. But that didn't go so good,
because they forgot to let Primo in
on the gag, so when Paul Calico
asked him about the meaning of
the boar Satch laughed and said:
"Oh, you neal da leetla peeg?
sheeza nawthing. Sheeze joosta
leetla peeg for make pretty da
pants"
1 don't write dialect very we'll,
but you get the idea.
Wonderful Business
Well, the boys did a wonderful
business with Satch. In the first
place, they all knew he was a ter
rible bum, sc they took no chances.
Just as Mussolini selected round
heels for his opponents in Ethiopia
and Albania and insisted on a no.
decision contest in Spain, Primo's
mob used extreme care in their
matchmaking. They went around
the country digging up old retired
buns of a class known to pugilism
as dry-tank men, divers or splash
ers, meaning guys who could be
relied on to take a plunge at the
word of command. They put on
the splash from coast to coast.
One night in New York the man.
ager of a tanker got fresh, de-
handing a little extra money and
threatening to have his dummy
mess up Old Satch, so they locked
him in his hotel room while, over
in the Garden, Old Satch gave his
chump the push. Another time, in
Philadelphia, a boxing inspector
got ethical in the dressing room,
demanding an honest, h~igh-spirited
struggle, So they conked him with
a board and stuffed him in a
clothes locker until after.
But in California they had an
accident when an old colored man
named Bombo Chevalier got ornery
and chased Old Satch around and
like to ran him bowlegged. Be-
tween rounds they tried a little
persuasion in Bombo's corner, but
Bombo was out of control, and he
gave Satch a terrible evening. Aft
er that Satch never was the same,
and the first time he ever met a
real fighter Joe Louis just slew
him, because he was only a bum.
This brings us to Mussolini's fuss
with Greece. In Greece he sent
around one of his mob, a guy
named Grazzi, who used to be on-
sui general in New York, to tell
Metaxas he would have to take a
dive, and Grazzi told The Duce
that the fix was in. But, like
Bombo Chevalier, the Greeks got
sore, and the first thing you know
they rel beating the ears off the
big bum, SO now he has Hitler
tearing around the ring and threat
ening to murder Greece if thew
don't hold still and catch one. But
even if the Germans do lay out the
Greeks in the alley for this, that
won't ever do The Duce any good,
Once a dictator is made a bum
of he is a bum forever, and Benito
Mussolini will 60 down in history
as the Old Satch of the empire