Evening star., 1941-11-14

Henry MeLemore. Cyanide Co., If
one is to take the word of a great
insurance company.
This great company Whose name
I withhold because I am not sure Of
the spelling of Metropolitan is
conducting an advertising campaign
which points out the dangers in the
home
1t has me in such a dither that
if I can get tent and squatter's
rights TO few acres in Central
Park I may move out Of the death
trap I am living in and move to the
out-of of-doors where all a man has
10 fear are the elements and wild
animals.
I happened across this disturbing
| informal ton about the home only a
few days ago and. after reading It,
1 marvel at the fact that I have
survived so long in the face OF such
dangers as the man-eating bathtub,
the sabre -toothed staircase, the
venomous bathroom heater and the
savage throwing.
According TO the insurance com.
pany these and other dangerous
bits OF equipment in the American
home kill some unsuspecting citizen
every seconds and during a year
injure more persons than autono-
bile accidents.
My eyes came across this bit Of
macabre information just after I
had come in from a hectic day in
the city's marts and had snuggled
down in my Morris chair, propped
my feet on the dog and stuffed my
favorite pipe with corn silk.
had just "ahahed" with content
ment and security when I read
about how the common bathtub is a
blood brother TO the hooded cobra.
I had always looked upon my bath
/ tub as great friend. II chilled my
blood to know it was treacherous
and had only been lying in wait to
/ spring upon me and sink its hot
and cold fangs into my leg and
choke me with its deadly shower
curtain rod
/ I sneaked in. breath held. to take
q Il
standing there on its little imita-
ton lion claws, with its sides
swathed in bath towels, that had
to read the advertisement again to
believe it had designs on my health
and happiness. Memories of all the
happy Saturday nights I had spent
/ in it rushed back. especially those
gay times when I had soaped its
sides and tobogganned into the
water.
| Morbid curiosity led me from
the bathtub to the stairs which, as
/ cording to statistics, is mans worst
friend just as the dog is his best.
II is on stairs that the worst acci-
dents occur, but just to look at my
stairs you would swear they were
/ harmless. OF course, there have been
nights when the bottom step play
fully hid itself and wasn't there
when I reached for it. And the
fifth and sixth steps squeaked.
But, looking back. they have been
pretty good stairs and it hurt me to
know they were only biding their
time to give my vertebrae a good
l5-round going over.
I tried to get my mind Of the
dangers of living in the house by
reading a chapter or two Of Little
Women" and Tom Swift and His
Electric Rifle" but I couldn't do it.
Like the eyes of wild animals peer
ing through the gloom at camper.
the other dangerous parts Of the
home kept staring at me.
The slippery floor Of the kitchen,
curtains that weren't pinned back,
the electrical fixtures and the iodine
in the medicine closet. Hazards,
every blessed one Of them, and me
living all these years in q fools
paradise.
My imagination got loose and ran
on past the warnings in the adver-
tisement. What about the Stats In
my bed? Maybe termites had
weakened them and they were ready
to hurl me to the floor. What about
the chandeliers? Perhaps they had
wriggled themselves loose from the
screws and were only waiting a
chance to shower my head with
genuine imitation crystal
What about the puppy? How was
TO know II she didn't have a strain
Of timber wolf in her veins and
was counting the minutes until she
could catch me of guard and, aided
by the andirons, tear me to bits.
The more I thought about 1t, the
more knew must get away-must
escape into the streets. As non-
chalantly as I could, edged toward
the door, pretending I wanted to
pat door stop which by now could
swear was snarling at me- At the
| moment I felt the stairs were Sleep
ing, the bathtub had its head turned.
the rugs were mapping, made
bolt for 1t.
Something made a grab for me ~
I vaulted through the door. But
didn't look back to see what part
Of the household equipment had
tried to foil my escape. 1t felt,
though, as If it might have been
maddened end table.
I plan to spend tonight In the
reception room of the insurance
company.
lrHstributed nv AcNaueht Syndicate Incl