Evening star., 1941-12-19


mining how he would react to (l)
having his wife sassed in his pres
ence by a 250-pound truckdriver,
(2) being left all alone in the 500
department of the mint on a hoi-
day, 90 going hungry or taking the
last piece of chicken on the plate,
a. throwing rocks against the win
dows of lonely spinsters on Hall
loween, go missing shot in the
rough when no one was looking, 80
boarding food in national emer-
gency.
II, as soon as the postman delivers
the parcel and he sees the Don't
Open Until etc" sticker, your cln-
ical subject takes the package and
tucks it away on the top shelf of a
dark closet, you NAV rest assured
you are face to face with q man
whose willpower would assay 100
per cent and whose strength Of char
acter has not been undermined by
a single moral termite.
II he doesn't even shake the gift
to try to find out what is In It, II
he doesn't tear one corner of the
wrapping in search of clue as to
its contents, he comes from the
same stock that gave us Washington,
Lincoln, Lee and the fellow who
thought up two-pants suits. You
can count on him to stick through
thick and thin, and bore the ever
lasting daylights out of you while
he is sticking.
On the other hand
Well, brother, I can speak with
authority Of those Of us on the other
side Of the fence. AS far as I'm
concerned they should have turned
Maj. Andre and DR.. Crippen loose
and hanged the gent who thought
up that Not to Be Opened Until
Christmas" gag. He was what the
Polynesians, In their happy Ian
guage, accurately pegged as q
"stinker."
The best thing about a present is
opening it. You'll grant me that
And what better time to open one
than when the postman hands it tc
you, fresh and warm7 You dom
keep eggs, do your Well, why kee,
something that, except In unusua
cases where the giver is an OIL tight
wad and Is not blessed with the tru
Christmas spirit. is worth DOZEN
Of eggs.
don't know what the worl,
record for opening Christmas pres
ents on arrival Is but my best tim,
Is 0:3h seconds, which must push
the best mark pretty close. sci
that q few days ago in undoing q
tieclasp Handsomely initiated
from a first cousin in Dallas. In
my eagerness to get at the thing ]
tore the postman's cuff. I squared
myself by giving him the tieclasp
which will necessitate his changing
either its initials or his.
One Of the big arguments agains,
those Of us who open Christina,
presents as soon as they arrive 4,
that we miss the thrill Of undoine
them on Christmas morning midst
q setting that includes q tree that
Is leaning 50 far to the right that
the Tower of Pisa would envy 1t, a
living room half filled with smoke
from q chimney that won't draw
properly and completely filled with
adults who aren't quite awake, and
the soothing sound of drums, cap
pistols and roller skates on hard
wood floors.
There is something In that argyll
ment, but not enough to swing us
pre- Christmas openers to the other
side. A quiet, restful sleep still has
its points. So has the benefit Of
not having TO stagger downstairs
and gurgle and chuckle and grin
with delight as book-ends, shoe
horns, ties, garters, handkerchief
and carving sets come bursting
forth from their tissue paper
cocoons.
I write this in the firm belief
that I belong to the majority. If
I'm wrong, just skip it.
You won't be far wrong at that
because that's Just about what I do
Take it away, Blitzen. Okay,
Donner, you take 1t, then.