Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-02-13

TffE best way to go to the
theater is to go alone and
cold sober, because that way you
can relax and sort of soak into
yourself and forget about every
thing but the play, whereas the
other way, well, look:
First you have to box around
to find cut what wants to
see. and never mind whether you
would rather see something else,
because you wouldn't say so il
you did. and then. naturally. she
will pick a tough one, so it will
be around 6 o'clock before you
even know whether you can
get in.
Then you have to slap her in
the countenance with a steak,
and all the time she is barring
her pretty fangs at the rare
viands and exotic-deiicacies you
are squirming and wishing she
would. for gossakes, heave il in.
because il is way across town
to the theater. and if there is
anything a guy hates to do il is
come stumbling in late and walk
all over lot Of people.
DUT If you even sneak squirt
- at your watch you are hurry
ing her, and If you are going to
be surly. why, it would have
been better 10 stay at home, and
it isn't every night she gets out
on the town with you. so you
might make an effort to be
polite If il isn't asking too much.
So then you have to gentle
her into the hack. and If ii is
rain or snow the cab has to
heave TO right exactly In front
of the theater or. with the silly
shoes they wear. she will get her
feet wet.
Then yen have got to ease her
through the crowd and down TO
the seats and lay back her coat
for her. and then her program
slips off her lap and you have to
fisk around in the dark. and all
the time during the show you
have sense of responsibility
and care which is Just what you
60 TO the theater to get away
from.
In the 1UtprTniSSlonS some OF
them want 10 60 out for Gig
arets IN the lobby, and that
means more traffic problems,
and If she doesn't smoke. we'll,
you do, and if you do go out and
leave her you are something
rhyming with house" and IL
you don't. well, that is just the
time when you never wanted a
smoke so much in all your life.
THERE is also the hazard
L that she won't like the show,
after all-which is her right. to
be sure-but If you are alone
and you don't like it that Is
simple. You get up and go out.
But if she doesn't like il YOU
have got TO find out how much
she doesn't like il and help her
not like it. but. even so. you are
stuck. because they practically
never give up on a show. even il
il is terrible.
| mentioned that il is a good
thing to 60 cold sober. too, with
OUT any martins or anything at
dinner, because if you do get a
little steam up you are sure to
be wanting dram before the
show is half over. but by the
time il is all over you are cooled
out. and then you have to start
fresh at whatever place you
go to-
And by that time you are
ready to curl up and go to sleep
in the middle of Broadway.
WELL. after you stand up and
w help her into her coat you
discover that you are standing
all over your own hat, and then
she drops her gloves and it is
slow going up the aisle. and out
side there are 10 customers
fighting for every hack and,
anyway. they are all headed the
wrong way. where If you were
alone you would be out and gone
in 81 seconds. Eastern Stand
ard Time. and not a care in the
world.
They are all right and. on the
average. very good company
some places, but great worry
in the theater, and, anyway.
whoever got up the idea that the
theater is like Noah's Ark and
strictly two-by-two?
] marvel al that Jules Brula-
tour. the husband of Hope Hamp-
ton. who has been toting her
around theaters. fights and all
for 20 years. always two-by-two.
Think of the dropped pro-
grams and gloves that guy has
picked up and the problems OF
traffic and timing he has had TO
live through.
Copyrighted by United Features synd.. Inc