The Waterbury Democrat., 1941-03-14
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 He know the same clements as other people, but in his world they have different functions The air is something you listen to for songs, sketches, speeches. Water is what they put in stocks, and fire is what poor performance misses |. He thinks a skirt isn't garment, but a woman in one-and when he talks of a tur- key he means flop-show |. He lives and moves and has his being in theater-town Things that are said and done on a stage or screen amuse and touch him, but try to make him weep when the show is over Try to make him laugh, for that matter. He read it long ago or he heard it when you were still breaking in your longies -. People who take "hours" tell ing a story (which is a gag in his lingo) are usually bores, phonies or terques ... When he says he doesn't like pictures he means movies, not paintings A book isn't some- thing to read, but the plot in a mu- sical show, or the thing wager -mak- &rs make for racetrack bet-placers He is that loud voice giving awy the secrets of pals.
 A star isn't a heavenly body. A star is "the draw" in 8 picture or play .. The moon is a handy thyme in many a song lyric he's written The Flag is all right in its way, but it's 8 bit Old Hat, don't you think? George M. Conan overdid waving 1t in his early shows. Now everybody's hysterical and waving 1t, for the luvamike! 1! A nut, in his language doesn't grow on trees, at all. It's the oper- ating expense of an enterprise, a concession at some joint, two by-four night club on Sand Street, or Q bum show Romance is 8 synonym for sex Health isn't what he's in business for!
 He argues that money will buy everything and anything, and he never learned not to mistake pub licity for fame Most of the United States to him is "the sticks" or "the hinterland" The over 13C,000,000 people are "suck- CTS" . . He believes theer is a gag, @ gimmick or a catch to every thing, and when you send him a Christmas card he quickly turn 1t to see if there's >an exterminator's ad on the back His critical opinions are borrowed from hurriedly read reviews, and his political views are : garbled excerpts from editorials re- peated by his friends over a mug of beer . He never had an original idea about anything; his opinion is always that of the mob.
 The name of Shakespeare always recalls the time he won a bet on horse by that name He has many friends he doesn't like, and they detest him .. He has a won- derful knack for ignoring the check It has been said of him that his conscience is more his accom- plice than his guide His idea of a good song is Beat Me, Daddy, Eight to the Barl" He is deeply concerned about the foreign situ- ation because 1t has cut off his supply of post cards He's the kind of a guy you want to know until you know him.
 Offhand he'd guess that Pierre Monteux was a Paris dressmaker, but he calls dance band leaders maestro" He planes his fail- ure on never getting 8 good break He believes he is being nice if he doesn't knock a friend until the friend leaves the table or the room .. He can look at a statue of Venus de Milo and see something sexy in 1t <. Newspapers, so far as he is concerned, are merely to publish the results of sports events He has a great deal of en- durance. He can stand in one spot for hours just twirling 8 tooth- pick He thinks he's one of the inner-circle because some night club walters nod recognition to him on the street .. He has a reputa- ton of being the life of the party when he leaves.