Browning chief. [volume] (Browning, Mont.) 1941-1953, 1941-12-12

| woman was like accepting prison
sentence.
But hadn't any words or poise or
confidence at my command. And you
were from a strange, different world
"a world Of society and travel. When
you were a foreign correspondent
read every word you wrote. used
to keep a map above my desk and
stick pins in it to follow your itinerary.
And I take the New York paper you
edit now and fiercely support all
your editorial policies although Ned
is definitely on the other side Of the
political fence.
The day that you were married was
the most tragic day Of my life.
watched the clock creeping around
to the hour of f. think I had a
crazy hope that you couldn't do it..
that you could not in all honor say
you would love, honor and cherish
anyone but me. An innocent child.
wasn't I? But when the clock struck
knew it was all over. You had
really said it. And now you were kiss
ing Alice and saying how happy you
were. That moment slowly and dread
fully closed a door in my life, locking
away from me any further knowledge
of passion. Yes, have had child but
have never known the real happi-
| ness Of love. -.
Ned has just come in. He asked what
was doing, but without waiting for
an answer he went into long de-
scription of the board meeting. He
had a headache and went up to his
room, so I am free to write all night
| if 1 choose. I wonder what he would
have said if he had seen the words
| I had just written. But, strangely, I
do not feel guilty. am proud and
calm. In maturity, find that heads,
| not hearts, do the aching.
| I will never forget my trembling
| and excitement when I heard that
you and Alice had come the next year
to visit your grandfather. You wanted
him to see the new baby. You invited
me over one evening. Alice was
cool and lovely and I was awed by
her eastern accent. and her gown
She took me up to see little Davic
and the three Of us stood looking dowr
at him asleep In the crib. Your face
was radiant. touched his fuzzy nttl'
head in wonder, thinking, This Is tn
son Of the man I love. This Is wha
shall never have"
When I left, you insisted on walking
home with me, and now I must ex'
plain what you have never understood
in all these years. Under the box elder
you suddenly took my hands ane
pressed them to your face.
You said: ats no use. must have
been mad. I love you more than any
thing in the world except David. Fol
an awful moment during the cere'
mony I thought was going to wall
out of the church"
And said. This is wicked and dis.
honorable" You see I had been laugh
by my parents that such situation
was wicked and dishonorable. That l.
the way they had arranged my life
Just as yours was arranged for you
I believed there were good people ane
bad people and that good people sac
rifice personal happiness for duty.
But Lucy" you cried, you will low
me again if I can somehow manage
to break away from it all and COME
back to you?'
And I said, mo! No! MOI" and pulled
my hands away and they were wei
| with your tears. When I ran INTO INT
house you were standing under the
box elder with your head bowed a:
if had dashed you with whip.
Oh, it wasn't because I didn't love
you with my soul and my body. 1t wa:
because you had a wife and baby
and that I would be a wicked yomar
if you divorced Alice to marry me
There was no way on earth you coulc
have broken down my convictions
And even if you had, my parent:
would never have given their consent
Naturally I wouldn't have married
without my parents consent!
The next year you wrote me tina
letter. Alice won't care" you wrote
She is getting bored with marriage
and the baby. She would like to &C
back to her old Fairgrounds. You anc
I have every right to our happiness
together. Life is short, Lucy. Have
you never thought of that? Have yor
never read, But at my back I always
hear times winged chariot hurryins
near?'"
Then I sent you an announcement
of my marriage to Ned Mathison.
| Since then of course we have never