The Waterbury Democrat., 1941-03-26
By Art Krenz

entire team--not in their bowling but in their scorekeeping; another way to skin a bear.
 Comparison between breast-feo and bottle.fed bowlers is brought out by the finish Pittsburgh has been making against the top teams Bottle-fed, Pittsburgh. the team oi "penology," has been handicapped by "Maude" Rossi and Lily" Man. gini These two men, successful theatrical producer and director respectively, of the most recent Broadway hit, Finishing in Last Place" devoted very little help te the score compiling of their team but "Lovey" Capobianco will gen. erously give them his forgiveness ir return for their portions of the ban quet chicken. Josephine" Petit nicco and Connie" Sparato, the only mainstays of Pittsburgh, ars absolutely thankful the season is over. Neither can stand the hu. initiation of sixth spot in tho standing.
 The "Thobberville" team, Temple asks for a definition of the word adventure. The Conte brothers Spaghetti Ernie" and Pasta Faz- zoli Ben", claim it's not necessarily thrilling escape from death, a holdup on a dark road at midnight, but finishing in fifth place in the Italian Recreation league. Min strone" Nocera differs in opinion he feels that bowling with Spa ghetti" and Pasta Fazzoli" is quite 8 treat, If possible, but when they are mixed with "Minstrone" some thing peter than fifth should rec suit. "Zinfadel" Piazza and Ala Carte" Latino add their sweets or bitters, as the case may be, and boy, or boy, what a scramble! No four-leaf clovers here?
 Suggestibility is one curious quail ity of the mind but 1t has no place in acquiring bowling results from @ team such as Purdue, the team of culture. I know of no greater fallacy or one more wildly believed than the statement that youth is the happieSt ime in life. "Jazzy" Geneva has proved that the hap piest ime in his life was when Pur- due was taking 1t on the chin. "Waltzy'' Termine, the impudent young ass, thinks it's more impor- tant to open up his new furniture emporium than showing up to bowl with the great Purdue team. Shaggy" Latanzio, our next year president, suggests that In his term of office the bowlers will wear bowl ing shorts of red flannel along with their bowling shirts, or he will set an unprecedented occurrence by firmly resigning from his vice. presidency. Allow me to illustrate how fourth -place teams are made. First you must have an ex-presi- dent of the league, "Jitter Bugger" J. Capabianco who whistles as he bowls, and then @ present president, "Fox-trottirg" Jim Lombardi, who yells at he top of his lungs, T made 1t" with every one-pinner he misses.
 Fordham, the team of peace" constantly threatened to wipe out the security of first and second places but evidently have to be sat- isfied with third place. Onions" Sraonetti and Garlic" Boiglia are concentrating on celebrating the fourth anniversary of our great league. They promise to get slub- bering drunk by eating onions and garlic. Lettuce" Gasparri despair ed from lack of insulin to improve his bowling but as this is the team of peace, Lettuce" was kept quite by the administration of adrenalin. "Celery" Toliti and Carrots" Scar patti will be honored with the pre- sentation of top pomeranian dogs due to the fact that they will have something to keep them occupied now that the league is over.
 Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy, you must have somebody to divide 1t with and, all in a nutshell, Cornell will not divide first place with Holy Cross, so Holy Cross grieves. Salty" Colangelo grieves so that he is get- ting knock-kneed from 1t. "Pep- pery" Lombardi sucks on jelly beans to keep from bursting in tears. "Soapy" Spadola does his crying constantly --- so constantly that he can't bear to do it at the bowling alleys. Crackers" Garafolo has clipped and cut most of his ctisto- mers into submission with his tears. "Cup-Cake" Latino will not even discuss his operation any longer.
 Cornell, ah. Cornelll The team