Evening star., 1941-04-22
Tell Adopted
Youngsters
The Truth
Inform Them of
Real Parents,
Says Expert
Bv Aneelo Pafrf

When a child is under the belief
that those who stand in the place
of father and mother are his own
parents when actually they are not,
how is the child to be told and when
should he be told, or should he be
told at all?
My experience says that he should
be told the truth, without enlarging
upon it, as soon as he can under
stand the words. II the child were
in such circumstances as to exclude
forever the information from him,
he would not need TO know. But
There are always people who know,
and that means there is always the
possibility of the child's learning
the truth and being shocked by it.
1t would be better for you to tell
him before a stranger does.
The best way to tell the child
he had another mother and father
is the indirect way. Keep some
thing that belonged to his past
where he sees it every day and
lives with it familiarly. His moth
er's or fathers picture, a book that
belonged to them, bit of furniture,
an article of jewelry-anything that
makes a tie to the old life will do.
The fact that this thing belonged
to his people gradually takes its
place in his mind and as time passes
the implication of its being in the
home begins to have its effect
One day the child will ask a queS-
ton and he can then be told the
answer. There will be no shock
because the child has been prepared
for it indirectly for a long time
back.
Sometimes the parents of the
child are living. That makes the
truth of the situation a pressing
matter and the child must be told
as soon as possible. We set the
stage the same way and we must
be prepared to tell the child the
truth as far as we know it about
his people Dressing up the char
acter of people does not help such
a situation. Best tell the simple
facts, no more than is necessary
and let the child face his trouble
whatever it may be. He will have
to do so later anyway, so the
earlier the hetter
1t is not possible, nor is it neces-
sary to tell very young child that
his mother, or father, or both, de-
serted him heartlessly-if they did
nor is it kind, or necessary, to tell
the child your opinion of such be-
havior. That will come in time
with crushing force no matter what
devotion you bring to your duty
toward the child. Save him, spare
him all you can, but tell no lies
varnish no facts. The child is
bound to learn the truth and you
do not want him to lose faith in
you along with that he lost in his
parents.
The child whose parents are dead
and who has been adopted has a
more fortunate outlook than these
others. He can be told of his loss
and his luck and of the honor his
parents did him in picking him out
of all the children in the world
when other fathers and mothers hac
to take the one they got. He is q
chosen find. That helps him over
the hard place.
The child who is taken over by
relatives ought to have a better
time than any of the others be-
cause he is still in the family circle
1t is easy to explain thing to him
But all these children should be
told the fact so that they are safe
from shock. There are too many
people who love to tell a secret
and for you to hold this one Sc
curely may have serious conse.
quences.