Detroit evening times. (Detroit, Mich) 1921-1958, 1941-12-12
2 P. M. Feast
His Idea Of
Treating Pals
But THAT Hour Always
Has Puzzled The Missus
BY DAMON RUNYON


w who became a bit of sad
list around holiday time. He did
not marry until he was in his
late thirties and his bachelor
days had been quite gay and
carefree, or anyway gay.
He married a nice girl who
was a fine housekeeper and an
excellent cook and made pleas
ant home for him, but we suspect
that he had periods of envy OF
his former bachelor pals.
When a holiday like Thanks
giving or Christmas was APP
preaching he would catch one OF
these pals in an unguarded mo-
ment and invite the poor guy to
dinner in his home. He would
first buy the prospect few
drinks TO soften him up and
would then condole with him on
the utter loneliness of the bache-
Tor state.
He would paint such dreary
picture that the victim would
soon lapse into tears OF SYM
pathy for himself, though given
time for sober reflection he
would realize that he was not
lonely at all.
OUR villain would expatiate on
" the skill Of his wife. Myra.
in wrestling with a turkey and
would throw in a few little
sketches Of the joys of drawing
up TO well-laden table SUR
rounded by beaming kissers and
would eventually draw from his
fearful quarry a remark that he
would love that sort of thing
himself.
Then our sinister schemer
would plunge home the invita-
ton 10 dinner and ii was an
even money bet that his prey
would accept unless he had been
smartened up by previous ex-
perience.
Now that was all apparently
innocent enough an invitation
10 dinner. But the menace in
this tale would then mention in
an offhand manner the hour.
which he always made around 2
O'Clock p. m, a circumstance
that for years puzzled his wife
Myra, who did not realize his
sadist tendency and would Just
As soon have had the dinner at
the more civilized hour OF s y. m.
But her cruel husband con-
WINGED her that he liked the mid
day feast because il reminded
HIM of his boyhood days.
NOW OF course he knew very
' well that his guest would 90
out with the boys land maybe
the girls, get himself good and
loaded the night before the fate
ful day, in accordance with the
tlme-honored holiday custom OF
bachelors, and probably sleep
until noon. and get up with sad
stomach and the most awful
taste IN his mouth.
10 guard against any late
cancellations on the ground of
sudden calls out OF the city or
sickness or deaths in the family.
the foul host would keep cali.
ing up his man and tell him
how hard Myra ,was~working on
the dinner and how her heart
would be broken If the guy
failed 10 show up.
go OF course the unfortunate
~ soul would 60 to the dinner
regardless Of his physical suf-
fering and the first thing the
host would do, fiend in human
form that he was. would be TO
plant one Of the kids, preferably
baby, on the bloke's lap and
the baby would Immediately
start 10 cry. thus increasing the
guests splitting headache.
However, this was just a
minor circumstance 10 what
happened 10 the gee when the
dinner was put on the table in
a dining room that the host
purposely overheated.
The poor bachelors plate
would be piled high with tur-
key, dressing, mashed potatoes
and turnips. cranberry sauce,
etc, and if he managed to
struggle. through bit of il the
inhuman monster who had in
weighed him there would keep
slapping on more provisions,
saying the good wife would feel
perfectly dreadful if he did not
eat every smitch.
4 ND all this. you understand,
"A would he happening to a guy
with horrible hangover at
around 2 o'clock in the after
noon when just thinking OF q
glass of orange Juice would
make him gag, while meantime
the host would be excusing him.
self every few minutes and go
ing into an adjoining room and
laughing himself silly over the
guests agony.
We have not seen that host
in some time. but we are told
that he was found one Christ
mas Eve in an alleyway with
both legs broken, and while we
do not vouch for the story We
have heard that he was set upon
by several of his victims of past
years. aided and abetted by
bachelor who had promised TO
be at the fellows house for din
nor tho following dav and waa