Evening star., 1941-08-10
When a hostess says
Stay" does she mean
Please go!" Here is
the way to find out
% Emily %aa<
Author Of "Efiqveffs: The Blue
Book Of Social Usoss," ""Ths
Psnoooiify Of q Hovss," Etc.
|" oDAY's subject is suggested by
question whose several answers

question whose several answers
- depend upon the time, the
place, and the girl - or the woman -
and her visitors. The question is about
the length of time one visitor should
stay after the arrival of another
Should the first-comer leave at once
and let the new arrival have an IN
interrupted talk with the hostess, or
would it be more polite to stay - and
If so, for how long?
Before considering the man-and-
girl angles, let us take typical social
situation of hostess who is talking
with two visitors in the later after
noon. Let us say that Mr. and Mrs.
Town who are staying at summer
hotel go and see Mrs. Seavue. an ac-
quaintance who has cottage. Mrs.
Seavue offers them tea or similar
beverage. and before they have fin
ished it Mr.. and Mrs. Stroller arrive.
Mrs. Seavue greets them with cordial
ity. but impersonally.
This situation is, of course, no
problem at all. The first comers, seeing
plainly that the new arrivals are, like
themselves. semi-formal visitors, join
them in general conversation, and
TRANQUILITY continue to sip their tea.
The Strollers are also given tea - or
whatever else; and the Towns stay for
as long as the conversation is entertain
ing, or at least goes along smoothly.
When the conversation lags or when
time has grown long, the Towns leave.
Or if the Strollers rise to leave, then
the Towns should, if possible, manage
to leave first. This will give the later
comers chance, in case they want to
have moments conversation alone
Toet Is imporfonf
kALL social expertness is dependent
upon a reasonable degree of tact,
which is not so much a natural gift
as painstaking attentiveness. We hear
a great deal about sensitiveness; q
too. probably write about it more
often than | realize), but a palmer
word for this quality of awareness is
the habit of observing.
If you 60 to see friend and another
arrives, you will know quite plainly
whether to go or whether to stay, if
you will merely take note of the tones
of their greetings. If the hostess, says:
"How do you do. Mrs. Jones, I'm so
glad to see you," or: Hello, Mary,
how are you todays" it is quite all
right to stay.
But surprised and eager "Darling!!
where have you come from?" and
"darling's" answer: 'Oh, l have so
much to tell you!' indicates plainly
that you should hurry away and let
darling" report her news.
Ordinarily, however, first visitors
do not leave when the others arrive
l have neighbor, not far from the
mark, in whose house
you will find whoever happens to be
in town about an hour after the steam
boat ha. arrived, or a yacht has
dropped anchor. In this house, people
seemingly never leave. Those who
come at half-past three, are still there
at half-past six When a new arrival
enters, those present straighten up as
though to take leave, and then all
lean back again and stay. This how
ever is an exceptional house, whose
exceptional hostess is quite outside
the ordinary rules.
The most obviously unwelcome visi-
tor is the one who interrupts man
and girl who are especially interested
in each other. For example, let us say
that Jane, going to see Mary, finds her
having twosome conversation with
her new boyfriend, Stuart Soldier. In
this case, the question is not one of
stay or leave, but of how Jane is to 20
without letting Soldier know that she
realizes her arrival displeases Mary.