Evening star., 1941-06-28

nOlQ Oh ueUlOti dEyJ L AtoSOAlChB
neighborlinesS and informality would
be stressed.
My awakening came when a
friend sent me copy of Social
Washington" little book that tells
you exactly what to do and what
not to do in this capital Of the
country where all men are created
free and equal It's pages are as
cold as if they had been torn from
the diary of an Arctic explorer, and
hadn't read more than three
chapters before I knew I would be
lucky If I ever even got invited TO-
Dutch treat luncheon at the
Automat.
'We have come to rely on GER
tain fixed customs" the foreword
explained, which are rules in every
thing but name, the knowledge OF
which simplifies life for every one,
the ignorance of which unhappily
often brings upon the innocent new
conner very humiliating rebuffs, and
indifference 10 which calls down
stern criticism upon the offender"
After this cheering warm-up come
chapters on who sits next to whom
at dinner, who mustn't sit next to
whom when the dinner gong rings,
who can fidget first when the meal
is over, the order in which guests
must arrive, the order in which they
must leave, the proper day and
hour to call on folks. the correct way
to arrive, what to say on a visit, how
long you must stay when you call,
and list of the persons upon whom
you must call but never with the
expectation Of seeing them.
No matter what you DO in Wash
ington, or who you are, there is a
certain place for you to sit at a
dining table. That is unless you are
an ambassador or a chief Justice,
No one has ever figured out, social
Washington explains with regret,
which one of these dignitaries is
entitled to sit closest to the carving
set. Even If you roomed with both
of them at school, you couldn't have
them TO dinner at the same time
unless they agreed in advance to
sit in one another's laps. One read
ing of this chapter and I was afraid
TO go down to the corner dogwagon
for hamburger lest I take a stool
that belonged to some one who out
ranked me. Just one single breach
Of department, social Washington
makes clear, and a fellow is as much
an outcast as If he were typhoid
carrier who ate with his knife.
Visiting a friend or acquaintance
| in Washington is a procedure only
slightly less complicated than taking
| a submarine down for a dive. You
just don't go and ring the door
bell, say hello, and sit down on the
porch for a chat. This paragraph
in Washingtons Baedeker Of Be-
havior will give you an idea of how
it works:
THE question of what to do about
out-of-town friends visiting in
Washington is often perplexing. Let
us suppose that Mrs. A. wishes TO
return the call of friend visiting
Mrs. B. and Mrs B. owes Mrs. A.
an official first call that she has
never paid. 1t is not well bred to
ignore Mrs. B. in her own house.
So Mrs. A. leaves the cards on Mrs.
B. as well as on her visitor. Mrs. B,
returns them, of course, and the
incident is closed"
don't know who has the calling
card racket in Washington, but
some one must make a fortune out
of it. You never leave one card
in Washington on a call, I gather,
but scatter them around until a
maid starts sweeping them up. Here
is a paragraph that illustrates how
they must be thrown about Ike
confetti:
Mrs. A., calling on the BIS, leaves
one of her own and two of her
husbands cards, and one extra of
both for every additional member of
the family except young, unmarried
daughters. If Mrs. A. is calling on
Mrs. x she will leave one Of her
own and two Of her husbands, or If
the cards read Mr.. and Mrs. A. shs
will leave one of these and one
extra of her husbands. II there is
a Miss x and married daughter
with her husband at the Ks, Mrs.
A. will leave three Of her own cards
and four Of her husbands, or If she
has a double card she will leave two
of these for Mrs. X. and the
married daughter and two extra OF
Mr.. AS for the two men,"
I hate 10 spoil the reading Of
social Washington for yoa by tell
ing you how 1t ends but I must
quote a few "donts" from the last
two pages.
Don't bring prejudioss TO other
peoples houses. Your worst enemy
must be treated with special
courtesv when yo,I meet him o~ her
at dinner. 1t will be all the more
fun to cut him the next day"
Don't use the word 'hoass guest4
it is an objectionable social lapse.
Say a visiting friend some one
stopping with me- or even o
guest"
So in this land Of the free I'm
going home 10 be brave. I'm going
to fill my house with house guests
and have fun cutting them all the