The Waterbury Democrat., 1940-04-30
Walter WillcI1eu q Or Br0adzCay
Grade Copyright Daily Inc

- he is-Cecii Blount DeMille
 If he bears a strange resemblance to Fred AStaire-but has less hair, he's Fred AStaire If she has rouge in her noStrilS to make them look larger she's Hedy Lamar.
 If she acknowledges an introduc- tion with bow instead of shaking hands she's the youngest of the glamour girls Shirley Temple If he orders appleSauce in night club. he's Robert Taylor
 If the Rolls Royce is the oldest in town, then Charlie Chaplin and Paulette Goddard are inside . :, If he goes behind the soda foun- tain at drug store and makes his own sandwich, it's Jimminy Cricket. alias Cliff Edward If he's the first-or the only man in the room-to rise when the or chestra plays America" it's not George M. Conan or Harry Warner He's Brian Aherne, the Britisher.
 If she invites the street urchins in for 8 soda the Lady Bountiful is Joan Crawford If she's wearing a low-cut evening gown and there's a mole on her back - if the back is the prettiest you've ever seen, she's Ann Sheridan If you see a man in a marine uniform try ing to recruit marine, he's Woody Van Dyke, the director |. If he's driving his girl around the town on a motorcycle, he's Edgar Bergen If an unlighted cigar stub wobbles up and down in his mouth while he's talking, the speaker is Ernst LubitSch If he's asking the chef for a recipe, he's Leo Carillo If she's mailing some letters and has forgotten to put on stamps she's Anita Louise.
 If he strolls debonairly into a night club wearing full dress suit and watching cap, he could be either of two guys-Frank Morgan or Bill Gargan If she asks the headwaiter for some garlic to rub on her French bread-she' $ Jeanette Macdonald If she trips on the running board while getting out of her car at a preview, it would have to be Oracle Allen If he keeps his hands cov- cred with white mittens, he's not Leopold Stokowski-he's William Dieterle, the director with phobia about germs . . If he serves liquor to the best people III town but doesn't touch drop himself or if he's drinking one coke after another, he's Billy Wilkerson, the Hollywood Reporter owner ... Ii the joint is closed and he's still there, it's Jack Oakie.
 If she is jitterbugging on the dance floor and looks grown uL enough to know better, she's Dietrich =. If he's driving his car and his chauffeur is sitting idly beside him, it's Joe Pasternack, the producer If she's just fin ished an onion sandwich, and hel escort doesn't complain or insist that she chew some gum, she's PriS- cilla Lane If she's entertain ing friends in a restaurant with ar imitation of a barking dog, she'' Olivia De Havilland If hei wearing the loudest shirts and tic in town, he's the Casper Milque toast of the screen, Roland Younl If he jumps over to the ex treme left when the kodakers star shooting pictures 50 his name vii appear first in the captions tread ing from left to right) he's Kel . Murray.
 If the hatcheck girls at a nigh ,, club are trying on an expensiv fur wrap, it's Joan Crawford's an she's given them permission to do n :. If she has British fla
 painted on her right thumbnai
 she's Binnie Barnes Ii h
 walks into a night club with a H open shirt and no tie, he's Georg
 Brent, who thinks night clubs ar
 phony-bolonus It the lad + with him calls him "Sweetie Pie + the lady is his wife, and "SWeetl
 Pie" is Bogeyman Boris Karloff . II Il6 QTdWS CuGC 11GllC UulAAACo " Il the paper napkins and hands on
 to you, he's Peter Lorre |. If h
 taps you on the back in a nigh | club, hands you stockinged foe
 and asks you to tickle it-don't b
 alarmed, he's just Groucho Marx. If he orders champagne for a
 the photographers in a night clu
 and thanks them for not kodakin | him with girl, he's Howar
 Hughes, the millionairman =.
 she is making fuss about the door
 being open and insists on havin
 them closed. the lady is Norm
 Shearer If he's wearing a Winte
 overcoat on hot summers da
 and is carrying gold pill case I
 his vest pocket, it's Sidney Skol
 sky, the hypochondriac If sh | drives her auto through a red ngh
 she's Penny Singleton If she
 swimming in pool with nothin II hit trunks on-She'S GarbO.