The midland journal., 1940-06-21

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L L that a girl takes as an in
dividual, independent person.
Before that everything has been
more or less discussed by the
family, and advice and influence
have been used literally by
unc1es, aunts, mother, father,
everyone. Even Anna, waiting
on the family table, has had her
word to say.
''Don't you go off east to col
lege, Miss Jane. You stay here
where your friends are," says
Anna. Mother needs you, lovey,"
says Grandma. "I'd just as soon
go a little easy on the financial end,"
hints Dad. "Now, whether you 60
or stay home, let me talk to you
about your Clothes" says Aunt Mar
garet, who works in a frock shop.
Jane goes to college. Immediate
ly the agonizing question of a So
rority arises, and all the girls tell
Jane such contradictory things that
she frequently goes into hysteria be-
fore deciding between the merits of
Kappa and Theta.
When she buys clothes her chum
goes along. When she gets an in
vitation Mother suggests yes or a
no. The books she reads, the hats
she wears, the dances and night
clubs she frequents are all a mat
ter of mass selection; Jane only
asks to be allowed to do what the
other girls do.
Then comes the awful moment
when she has to make up her mind
whether she wants to marry Dick or
doesn't. Nobody can help her here.
Mother says she likes Dick, but then
she likes lots of other boys, too. Dad
mods his head thoughtfully while
murmuring: "nice young man. Very
good head" But that's as far as he
will go. The girls chorus to Jane
that they think Dick is divine, and
among themselves say quite differ
ent things, and Jane knows that
they do.
Loyalty First Problem.
In selecting Dick she learns, with
little first premonition of the grav-
ity, the pain of wifehood, that she
has to be loyal to him. She can't
criticize him any more, or laugh at
him. She can't let anyone else criti-
cize him or laugh at him. One Of
the bewildering features of an en-
gagement is this first obligation of
loyalty.
Often the effect of this on the en-
gagged girl is to make her feel lone
ly. She wants everyone to approve
of her choice, indeed to envy her.
And if Dick fails her in any way it
is much more natural for her to turn
back to the old group, and see him
as they do, rather than sticking to
her own secret conviction that he
can't do anything wrong. No saying
was ever truer than that misery
wants company; sometimes one
sees engaged girls or young wives
acting very skittishly, saying things
they don't mean at all, and all the
time eyeing Mama and the girls to
see how they feel about Dicks alb
surdities, trying to convince them
that she, the bride, thinks him rath-
er ridiculous, too.
And yet all the while she wants
him to be 100 per cent loyal to her:
it breaks her heart, it crushes her.
if he shames her or laughs at her
in the presence of his old friends or
his family.
Where Trouble Turks.
Old friends and family It is in
these quarters that so much of the
trouble arises, and there is need
Of loyalty. Sometimes a bride rath-
er likes her husbands brothers and
men friends, they are so admiring
and so much funi But there never
was husband yet who really liked
to have his wife's married sister,
her aunt Matte, her high school