Evening star., 1940-08-05
From the
Press Box
Umpires' Social Life
BIossoming Fast
BY JOHN LARDNER,

BY JOHN LARDNER,
Special Correspondent of The Star.
NEW YORK, Aug. 5 (NAN.AD. -
It's enough to- tempt Dolly Starke
back into baseball, the way the
social life of the umpire is blossom
ing out these days.
Mr.. Starke, one of baSeball'S best
in recent years, deserted the ranks
of the arbitratorS because the Job
was too lonely. Possessing the
courage of his convictions, he plans
to stay out.
I'm nuts about baseball" he says,
"but an umpires life is enough to
give you the shakes. I'll find things
to do outside the racket if it kills
me-"
This year, however, since Dollys
abdication, the umpires in both
leagues are filling one social en-
gagement after another--on the
ball field, at least. There never is a
dull moment. No sooner does the
man in blue turn away from one
cultured group, inquiring into his
ancestry, than three or four other
gifted takers buttonhole him and
. start a conversation about ophthal-
/ mology and its various phases, with
| special emphasis on myopia, astig-
matism, corneal distortion, and
incipient blindness. No kidding, it's
, a liberal education.
Frisch Devotinq Time
To Larry Goetz.
In 81 years of watching baseball,
. I never have seen the umpires so
much in demand Mr.. Leo
Durocher, for instance, has not left
the side of Mr.. ziggy Sears since
the season began. Mr.. Francis
FriSch, the social lion of Pittsburgh,
/ has broken the hearts of hostesseS
all over the country by passing up
their parties to devote his entire
time to Mr. Larry GoetZ.
Mr.. Bill Stewart and Mr.. George
Magerkurth are dated up every
afternoon. Over in the American
League, Mr.. Jack Rue recently was
the guest of honor at party where
soft drinks were served (at Mr..
Rue) from a socially intimate range
of 80 yards.
All this would be right up Dolly
Starke's alley, for Dolly loves COM
pany, but the other jumps seem to
be a trifle surfeited with their busy
Newport season. They lack the true
, social instinct.
Just the other day Mr.. Sears sug-
gested to Mr.. Durocher that the con-
VerSation of the Brooklyn manager,
so popular in Bar Harbor, South
ampton, and West Springfield,
Mass, was beginning to pail on him.
Giddy Social Whirl
Wears on Seors.
Listen Leo" said Mr.. Sears. "I
appreciate your attention. You have
entertained me since April 1t has
been one giddy whirl of social pleas
ure-one delightful chat after an
other. But don't you think your
ball playing will suffer if you neglect
1t to be with me?"
NO" said Mr.. Durocher courte-
ously. Nov, as I was saying"
Il must ask you to desist," said
Mr.. Sears.
But, ziggy," said Mr.. Durocher,
hurt, Il haven't begun to tell you
what think of you
You have had ample time" said
Mr.. Sears.
But it's deep subject" argued
Mr.. Durocher. Your blindness, for
instance"
Skip it." said Mr.. Sears.
''Your looks"
''Never mind them" said Mr. Sears.
Your lousy disposition"
at don't interest me-" said Mr..
Sears ITO tell you the truth, I
am sick of listening to you, Leo,
and I now am inStructing you to
go and take shower. In the future,
if you insist on these long, intimate
talks, send somebody else to do the
talking. l already have counted
every gold crown and asphalt filling
in your jaw
Stewart Says Trouble
Is With His Ears.
Another umpire who recently
cancelled his social engagements
and insisted on privacy was Mr.
Bill Stewart. 1t seems that Wal
ter Brown, the genial Giant pitcher,
anxious to keep Bill from being a
wall flower, struck up a conversa-
ton with William about eye doc
tors. Mr.. Brown was just writing
down the name of good, reliable
oculist for Mr.. Stewart to see when
Mr.. Stewart interrupted him.
Brown, old man." he said, this
is kind of you, but the trouble is
with my ears, not my eyes. To pro-
tect the former I must ask you to
shut your large trap and get out of
here"
Mr.. Brown went, but you could
tell that his feelings were wounded
What is the use of entertaining an
umpire if the fellow prefers to be
social outcast?
don't know what Mr.. Starke
would make of this situation. The
chances are that Dolly, fond though
he is of society, will decide to re-
main where he can get it when he
wants it and not in one steady
stream, like the play of fire hose
Three Shutouts Scored
In P. 6. Ball League
Three shutout, loW-hit games fea-