The Waterbury Democrat., 1940-02-16
TODAY'S
SPORT
PARADE
BY HENRY McLEMORE
UNITED Press Staff Correspondent

NOuuVCW 1GCCO 0voA SVAAVoRVAAVCAsV
Los Angeles, Feb. 16.-(UP)-
Jerome Herman Dean, whose par
ents were guilty Of understatement
when they nicknamed him Dizzy, is
being criticized these days for re-
fusing a $4,000 salary offer from
p. K. Wrigley, owner Of the Chi
cago Cubs.
To me this criticism seems un-
just. In the first place, Dizzy has
become accustomed to being paid
more than that for doing nothing.
In the past two years his arm has
been so dead that they have named
a sea after it. He has been about
as much help to the Cubs as o pair
of brass knuckles would have been
to little Lord Fauntleroy. But he
was paid $4,000 last year and even
more the year before. He probably
figures, and I think correctly, that
If nine-tenths Of q dead arm Is
worth $4,000 q full dead arm
should be worth at least $25, 0O0
And he has shown nothing during
the winter to d1scredit the general
belief that his pitching arm Is ready
for a blue suit, black bow tie, and
a simple ceremony.
Alibi Aide
That's that. Now, in the second
place III you can count that. high)
Dean needs more than $4,000 for
his alibi consultant alone. And he
must have one. No one man could
think up all the alibis he does by
himself in one year. Now everyone
has had a table lamp chase him
around the room at one time or an
other, but Dizzy had one catch up
with him and bite him in his bad,
or pitching arm. That set him back
for q full month.
A few months ago Dizzy, or his
minister charge d'alibi, thought Of
wisdom teeth as an excuse, which
were the last type Of teeth that
anyone suspected Dizzy Of having.
Even Dizzy. He had them taken
out and afterwards he said he never
felt better in his life. He said that
not only did his arm feel as good
as new, but his charge d'alibi said
Cor so I was told by a defrocked
hockey referee) even more. The
charge d'alibi said that whole new
world opened for Dizzy when he
had his wisdom teeth pulled. To
hear him tell it Cor so was told
by a little bird-Admiral Richard
E.) Dizzy now plays the violin, hide
and seek, and the horses.
At the present time Dizzy Is IN
Hot Springs, Arkansas, where he is
instructor and lecturer in base
ball school. Those who have sat
in on his lectures say that he is
of william Lyon Phelps,
Nicholas Murray Butler, and Eliot's
five foot shelf. Dizzy, I understand,
is doing research work, which is
reason why he needs more
than Wrigley has offered him Tor
the coming season. He spends hours
each day, the report is, working
toward the perfection Of a complete
and 100 per cent nothing" ball.
He became interested in this line
Of research following the game he
pitched against the Yankees in the
world series two years ago.
Too Slow
A perfect nothing" ball would
be one so slow that by the time 1t
got to the plate the game would
be called on account Of darkness.
It would have so little on 1t In the
way Of spin or curve that the bat
ter would become SO engroSSed IN
the stitches and the hand
writing Of President Ford Prick that
he would neglect to swing. And as
all you real students Of baseball
know, the swing Is one Of the most
important parts Of hitting.
In the third place (but perhaps
I had better say in the fourth place,
being as that Is where the Cubs
finished last year, Wrigley could es-
tablish o dangerous precedent by
offering q worker only what he is
worth. Take my own case for ex-
ample. Even with my wife as fine a
little manager as she Is. don't
think we could get by on forty
cents week. On second thought,
we are.