The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1940-04-04

I HEN a woman OF 81, mar
wv ried eight years and mother
W of a small daughter, begins
to be afraid she is losing her hus-
bands love, what can she do?
Perhaps I'm not very WE'LL"
writes Elinor Baker from a big Illi-
nois city, "but lately I seem to be
afraid all the time that Ted will get
tired of me and turn somewhere
else. Our life and home and rela-
tionship seem suddenly to have
lost luster, to have gone dull. I
had long bout with flu in Novem-
Der; ! don't seem to have gotten
back strength or spirits.
''Ted has formed the habit of 60
ing out a good deal without me.
It's all pleasant and affectionate
enough, but the result is that I feel
left out. My mother lives with us,
and Ted is really fond of her, I
know. She is wonderful mother;
the only one, he says, that he has
ever known. The care of Ann and
the Homework are not too much for
the two of us, whereas really could
not handle it all alone. And for sew
eral years Ted seemed to be one of
us, puttering about, planning things,
doing his share.
''But for the past few months it
is different. can't deceive myself
any longer. His interests and amuse-
ments are elsewhere. He enjoys his
late breakfast Sunday morning, his
paper and his romp with Ann in
the old way. But at about noon he
always has something to do. He
must see a man. or take someone
somewhere. He and the car dis
appear, and the next thing I hear is
from the telephone. Ted and some
of the others are out at Billy Car
ey's. They want him to stay for
dinner. What do I think?
Do As You Like.
"Of course I can only think one
thing. But what I say is not what
think. I say do as you like, dear
Then he begins to explain. Well, you
see, if he comes home now, then
there's nobody to bring the Browns
home. He'll be early; it isn't par
ty. And he comes in at about mid
night.
''This Billy Carey is a woman 40
years old at least; she isn't f1irt.
1t isn't that. She has a nice hus-
band and two grown boys, and a
sort of farm, where everyone cooks
and loafs about, playing dominoes
or listening to the radio. It's all
safe enough, so far. But I hate Ted
to find so much pleasure away from
home, I hate it to disturb Mother,
as it does, and we all miss him. Yet
I couldn't very well take Ann to
these Saturday and Sunday affairs,
and if I did it would leave my
mother all alone.
''It gives me a hopeless sort of
feeling, for Ted is very attractive
man, and even if some other woman
doesn't get him now, there are all
the years ahead, when simply don't
feel equal to holding him, or rather
winning him over and over again.
If try to give an informal buffet
supper here, somewhat on the order
of the Billy Carey plan, it goes fiat.
If I go along with Ted / have a
horrible feeling that they don't want
me. I'm always thinking that Moth
er and Ann are at home, missing
me, and that I'm not making any
hit with Ted by going along with
him. Worrying about it is making
me lose sleep, and look 10 years old
er than am, so if you have any sug-
gestion do please send it to me,
and I'll be forever grateful"
Be Yourself.
My suggestion, Elinor, would be
that you stop trying to lead two
lives. One is your own happy home
life with a mother and daughter,
which you are doing your best to
ruin with fretted thoughts that Ted
is having better time than you
are, and that you are losing Ted,
and that you have to make yourself
different if you hope to hold Ted.
The other life is the life you try
to share with him so halfheartedly.