Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1940-11-16
Hostess Is
ByGift
Intended to Show
Appreciation of
Hospitality
BY EMILY POST.

BY EMILY POST.
It seems to me natural that .
young woman should be bewildered
~ well Is unhappy because her
gesture Of heartfelt appreciation was
taken as though 1t were intended ~
. pay-of1. In fact, I am sure that
my readers will agree that the atti-
tude Of the hostess sounds unbeliev.
able. This Is the letter the young
woman sent me:
Last summer I visited some
cousins, whom I don't know well.
and had such . lovely time that I
felt impelled to 60 down the street
the day ! left and buy . present
for the mother Of the family-my
hostess. I took 1t to her and.
at the same time, thanked her for
everything. She was angry and
refused the gift. She said that
what hospitality she had given had
been given willingly, and she didn't
like payment. Was I wrong In
wanting to give her q present? I
was never so unhappy about any
thing in my life, and 1t put dismal
end to my visit. It was Just an
impulse of wanting to give a present,
Just as I wanted to take q present
home to my mother"
So to you, my dear, I really don't
know the answer except to wonder
If there could have been some COM
bination Of circumstances which
caused her to misunderstood the
motive that prompted the gift. May
be you are shy, and your manner
did not show the warmth, or 1t may
be that it was unfortunate to have
given q present Just before leaving.
am only guessing at this whole
situation, but something must have
made a wrong impression upon the
false pride of this undiscerning
person.
It sounds fantastic (but so does
the whole occurence), but I wonder
could it have been possible that
she somehow imagined you as having
put aside q tip for the cook, and q
tip for the waitress, and q pay-on
gift for herself-and then gradually
getting this into her mind--she blew
up! Had you found something just
right for her midway through your
visit, she might have loved it-but
again, I am only guessing.
Dear Mrs. Post: What Is your
objection to the groom and his best
man and two ushers wearing dark
brown suits at . simple daytime
wedding when you approve Of dark
blue or even dark gray suits at the
same type of wedding?
Answer-Navy blue and dark gray
are more conservative, therefore
much more formal than brown or
green or Light gray. .
Dear Mrs. Post: What about the
two ushers, who will be required to
seat the guests, walking in the pro-
cession when the bride is having
only q maid Of honor? In other
words, must there be bridesmaids In
the wedding procession when there
are ushers?
Answer-Not necessarily. Brides
maids make a prettier picture, but
they are not necessary: ushers are.
Dear Mrs. Post: I am q cousin OF
the bride to-be and want to give q
dinner in honor of the bridal pair,
inviting another cousin and her
husband (not in the wedding). the
brides parents, and the wedding at.
tendants, but not the groom's par.
ents, nor his uncle and two aunts,
who are all absolute strangers to
me. would hesitate to invite them
even If I had facilities for enter.
tanning so many people as including
them would take. As it is, I cam
not give the dinner If they must be
included But before going ahead
with plans, want to make sure that
I will not be thought rude for having
to omit them at this time.
Answer-It would not be thought
rude, because 1t is obviously impos-
sible to invite an unlimited number
of people to dinner. If you were
giving a stand-up supper and in
GLIDING many of the older friends
of the groom's family, this would
be another matter.
Dear Mrs. Post: When . dish
Is passed and the portion near.
est to you is too big, is 1t proper in
this country to search through the
other portions on the platter. or In
the dish, until you find just about
as much as you care to eat? In Ger
tain parts of Europe, where I spent
much time. 1t was considered ILL.,
bred to leave food uneaten on ones
plate, and finding ones own portion
was the only way taking too much
could be prevented.
Answer-You may take whatever
piece you choose If you can choose
it quickly and without disarranging
the dish. You certainly can't 60
prodding about with fork and spoon
and muss up the dish doing 1t.
Emily Posts booklet, THE Eth
quette of Weddings will answer
all the questions about the cere-
mony and the reception that you
have been asking yourself. Send
for it, inclosing 10 cents. Ad.
dress Emily Post, care The Eve
ming Star.