The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1940-09-12

the radio weekly-that doesn't seem
Life, to me.
Appreciated by Another.
''I have a church rehearsal one
night a week, and often ask my
friends into my home for an evening
of chamber music. Bob has small
sympathy with the struggles and
handicaps of these foreign-born mu-
sicians and accuses me of being in
love with the singer, Vanni. That I
like him, that we have interests and
ambitions In common, that he IS
one of the most fascinating and Gull
tured gentlemen I ever knew, do
not deny.
Incidentally, Vanni is penniless
except for occasional singing en-
gagements, and has no intention of
marrying me or anyone else. But
he is sensitive, congenial, stimulat-
ing to me, and our love for music is
a great bond. Would you advise
me as to a separation, Bob going
his own way and I mine, with in
fnitely less friction than we expert
ence today, and freedom for both?
Surely it isn't necessary for two
persons of completely different tenn
peraments to force themselves into
a position that is a strain on both?"
Build on Common Interests.
Perhaps this letter gives US rath-
er extreme instance of what I was
trying to express. Neither Bob nor
Jean, In this case, has been wise
enough to build, during the years,
upon those interests that they DO
hold IN common. They have devel-
oped, rather, the things that sepa-
rate them, Bob sneering at Jean,
Jean cultivating friends who despise
everything for which Bob stands.
This is not only a dangerous situ-
alton but stupid one. Every wom-
an, married or single, has to learn
to live with someone, learn to adapt
herself to that persons ways of
doing. Women who fatty refuse to
change, to understand, to cultivate
other than their natural tendencies,
are presently lonely women, with
the history Of two or three unsuc-
cessful marriages behind them, and
with a final dismal conviction that
they might have made a success of
the first marriage, after all.
Women to Blame.
In Jeans case I think she is to
blame, or largely to blame, as
do In most cases. For it usually is
the wife who sets the tone of the
marriage. If her husband gets the
idea that what he does is contempti-
BILE to her, he naturally retaliates.
He wants to show her that he can
have a good time in his own way,
and so the breach between them
widens, and all the spirit and flavor
departs from their married Life.
Wiser wives and husbands begin
early in marriage to cultivate SINH
lar tastes. The husband may never
appreciate classical music; the wife
may never make good poker play
er. But companionship is more pre-
cious to both than an adolescent de-
sire to hurt each other, and SO by
degrees each learns to extract from
uncongenial things certain amount
of pleasure, and the marriage deep
ems from its beginnings into that mi
rac1lous relationship that only the
most fortunate human beings ever
know. Happiness IN being together,
dependence upon each other, the de-
light of sharing even the simplest
plans for the children or the hol-
days, this is true marriage, and
ninety-nine out of every hundred
wives might achieve it if she would.
Nothing but wreckage follows the
other course. For proof of that
Jean need only look at the lives of
those women who have broken I'D
their homes, married their fascinat-
ing foreigners, tasted all the bitter
ness of failure, of hurt done to their
children, of sacred old associations
destroyed, to know the answer. In
my own immediate acquaintance
are 20 women who have ended a
first marriage because Of mental
cruelty" and complete incompati-
bility," and who have found the Sec
ond experience infinitely more dis
Musioning than the first