The Waterbury Democrat. [volume] (Waterbury, Conn.) 1917-1946, 1940-02-01
PORTRAIT OF A MAN TALKING
TO HIRISELF

TO HIMSELF
Only act In show business I can
see every night and think 1t Is new
Is the Stuart Morgan dancers, most
thrilling Of the adagio stunters +. :.
/ like the deep tone Of the tuba
that always signals the end Of an
Abe Lyman number One q Of
these days a mans gonna get rich
over night opening night spot
where you can buy only sometA ling
to quench your thirst -. If !
ever own q night spot, the one
big feature viii be none Of those
pesty candid camera concessions
Only movie actor / ever met
off the screen who walks, CABS and
has the identical mannerisms he
has on it's Master Rooney
Watching people drink hard tooch
before midnight makes me slightly
i'll It must be wonderful not
having people ask you for SOME
thing Z. Nobody sings Begin the
Beguine" better than Tony Martin
-. Il always thought he was Italian
which he isn't Robert A. Taft's
initials are awful
My idea OF slogan would be
something like: Down with every.
body who says down with any
thing!" /. Nothing makes me SO
ashamed as realizing that wasted
AZ years being afraid of learning
how to swim Now, If I could
only be shanghai into plane
flown by Dick Merrill Z. The aroma
of printers ink in editorial rooms
has the same intoxicating effect on
me as Chanel No. S Drives
me a little insane waiting for the
radio commercial to end, SO can
get going The re-brOadcast
to west Of the Rockies is the easiest
I invariably talk to Mark Hell
linger on that one-as though I
am Cabling to him personally over
the long-distance phone.
Wonder why my hair is thinning
so? Nobody in my family was ever
baldish The shim-sham is the
only dance step that makes me want
to l7oof, again AL Jolson's mid
night tan excites no envy in me.
Looks like he has no lips! !.
Those sinful parodies on "Confucius
Say" are not too comical
The only clever one, but really
wonderful, is the one about the girl
who can run 'much faster" so
forth and so on, than the man who
etcetera My big kick is ready
ing the Debunking data :. j. Binding
headlights on autos ought to be
outlawed-the way they do in New
York city Never yet was able
to leave a phone booth without stick
ing my fingers in the coin slot-tc
see if the phone firm could be
robbed of a nickel.
Nobody, 1t seems to me, has the
same reason for singing -"Oh,
Johnny, Obi" as Bonnie Baker, who
first popularized it a few months
ago, a.. Rose Blaine kids 1t de-
ightfully, though Wonder why
it Is that when I don't put a bet
down on lizard 8" in a dice game
it invariably pops up? :. 4. Won
dersd how long it would take for
the uninspired brethren to borrow
the columns colorful reporting
stunt The wallop I get out of
reprinting some other reporters
genius Is that maybe it will help
him get o. IS raise from his edi-s
tor Theater managers who
clog their usually dull shows with
this and that, especially those windy
trailers, instead Of newsreels, ought
to be deported The best thing
about having condiments with my
mesl is knowing that have to have
chawklitt ice cream soda some
time before I go to sleep Best
new love song is "Ketchup on the
Moon"
If anybody asked me why all those
girl revues and floor show spots are
closing in bunches-the answer
would be in one word-dated
Told all concerned that much two
years ago-but they are all wise guys
Haven't worn vest since 1920
Now what made me think OF
that? The item ran the
other day about the New York edi-
tor seeing a wall in one of Hitler's
rooms covered with shoe-horns is
explained by Kraft Ebing's works
A fetish of frustrated man
The rendition of might and
Day." one CT Cole Porter's classics
depresses me more than anything in
the world, reminds me of the only
tragedy we ever had over at our
house Waldo looks so lovely
and grownup in her first ankle
length dress. She'll be 10 so soon
nc, ,s',....'Ts. THE Sill