The Waterbury Democrat., 1940-03-29
SOUTH
BRITAIN
BRIEFS
BY BILL GARRIGUs

OOIl laugh az tAlOoC eoAOo Va
the Moodus Noises! They're seri-
Gus. We talked to some folks from
down there just the other day and
they reported that the rumbling,
roaring, subterranean trembling
of the earth had just ruined one
setting of turkey eggs after an
other. The poultrymen are mount
ing their incubatorS on rubber
cushions, folks are extra careful
about sleeping beneath cracked
ceilings, and livestock roll their
eyes in fear when they are driven
into the barn at night.
MOOdus Noises are bad business
and they haven't improved much
through the years. People know
almost as much about them today
as they did back in May, 1891,
when half the village took to the
open fields, big creviceS opened in
the earth, and chimneys came
tumbIing down. With all our mod
ern scientific research and with
learned gentlemen shopping into
almost everything, not soul has
yet discovered way to explain
MoOdus Noises. The wise gentry
say that we can blame a fracture
within the earth's crust; the ma
tives have a more romantic eX-
PLANTATION. 1t seems that the Had
dam witches practice white magic,
while the East Haddam broom
stick riders favor black magic.
They hold conferences to set up a
code, and every conference ends
up in a quarrel that starts the
earth to shaking. Old Machi-
moodus acts as code authority for
that region and conferences are
usually held in his office in
MoOdus cave. The old man isn't
as influential as he used to be. He
has trouble maintaining the peace
and that's why MoOdus has noises
and minor earthquakes that
brighten most people half to
death. If the local folks could only
elect a new referee, maybe those
witches would get together and
stop running the poultry business
in that section. Anyway, we
should have an investigation of
MOodus Noises.
Earthquakes are fearful things,
and so are eclipses. In an old book
the following entry speaks for it
self: IT will never forget how
frightened I was at the great
eclipse which took place on the
10Th of June, 1906, and which SO
terrified the good people in every
part of the land. They were most
ignorant about such operations of
sun about fifty-four years ago
than at the present time. I had
heard something about eclipses
but had not the faintest idea what
it could be. I was hoeing corn
that day in a by-place three miles
from town, and thought it GER
tainly was the day of judgment.
I watched the sun Steadily disap-
pearing with trembling heart,
and not until it again appeared
bright and shining as before, did
I regain my breath and courage
sufficient to whistle"
It's a shame that people are so
well informed today. Think of
what those canvassers for JehO-
vah's Witnesses could do with a
good old-fashioned eclipse, or
with the MoOdus Noises! The
hardest hearted sinner would
shuck out the cash twice as lively
if the sun faded out or the earth
began to tremble about the time
that little portable talking ma
chine started playing. Just the
other day. those itinerant soul
savers again scOoted through the
village and called on almost every
body except the parson. On this
trip they carried two types of
recordings, one for the Catholics
and another for Protestants. They
asked everyone about which
church they attended before they
put on the act. Rumor has IL that
the only money collected was paid
to get rid of the canvassers.
Charcoal Daisy would have made
an excellent recruit for one Of
those travelling salvation dispen-,
saries. Daisy knew all the answers,
she was beloved by all railroad
men who steamed through the VAL
ley, and her brand of gossip began
where Walter Winchell 5 leaves of.
Nobody ever came back for re-