Evening star., 1940-03-22
Best to Train
to
Stand Pain
Prepare Them for
Suffering They
Must Endure
BY. ANGELO PATRI.

Children fall and skin their knees,
they cut their fingers, they have
toothache. They know what it is to
suffer hurt and ache and pain. We
have to treat the trouble and some
times the treatment hurts. 1t is use
less to tell the child it won't hurt.
1t does hurt and he is filled with
resentment and bitterness against
us, not so much for the hurt as for
the fact that we told him an un-
truth.
1t is better to say Its going to
help you get we'll sooner. 1t will hurt
little, but you can stand it. 1t isn't
as bad as the pain. There, there,
it will soon be over" than to say,
now stop that crying 1t isn't going
to hurt you" and then hurt the child
with iodine, or a quick sharp jab.
Children are intelligent people.
They cry like children when they
are hurt, but they suffer like adults
Don't forget that. They know a
pain when they feel one and some
Of them bear it bravely The others
will need little extra encourage
ment little extra praise and prepa-
ration but all of them need to be
warned, truthfully informed, as to
what will happen to them.
Often we have to take children
to the clinic or the hospital to
have their tonsils removed. They
are afraid. The whole experience
is new to them and they are not
sure what will come out of it.
They fear being hurt, they fear
the strange surroundings, they fear
the people, the nurse and the
physician especially.
Tell the child as fully as his un-
derstanding will allow just what
1t is all about. Tell him what will
happen, what he will see what it
means for him. Explain how care
ful and gentle the nurse and
physician will be, how safe he is,
and dwell particularly upon how
we'll he is going to be next week
When you take him to the circus
or to some other delightful place.
Always give him something to look
ahead to so that he will have the
thought of it to buoy him in his
distress.
He is not in need of details. What
ne needs Is the feeling of security.
You try to instill this by explaining
the outlines of his experience, the
goodwill of his helpers, the benefits
he is to derive, the pleasures in
store. The rest he must take as it
! comes. But don't tell him he is
not going to be hurt-if he asks
about it. Say, "yes, it will hurt a
little afterward. But you won't
know about it when 1t is done be-
cause you will be asleep. And the
after hurt isn't much. You can
stand it bravely."
Don't stay with the child once
you have turned him over to the
nurse. Let him get acquainted with
her. He will not be the worse
for your absence He will turn to
the nurse and lean hard on her,
once you are out of the way, and
that makes things easier for him.
Your presence keeps reminding him
OF the separation to come. Cut 1t
short and go.
| Whatever you do, don't let the
child see you so much as look teary.
Smile. Don't talk if you cannot
tax cheerfully and courageously.
Don't leave the child in a burst of
weeping. You couldn't harm him
more If you tried. Slip away and
make no scene. 1t is surprising
how brave children are, and what
they can stand, without their
mothers presence. Tell them the
truth as far as they need to know
it. Then let them be.