The people's voice. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1939-1969, 1940-10-02
ELEPHANT-ASSY


lELEPHANT-ASSY
Luther Burbank's experiments il
the field of botany have been highl,
interesting, mans discoveries in thu
field Of science have been astonishing
his inventions in the mechanical fielt
have been amazing, but it has beer
left for the politicians to perform, ii
the field of zoology, the miracle which
leaves the public simply paralyzed
They have succeeded in crossing the
Elephant and the Jackass.
That there may be no doubt Of the
political wizards success in this bio
logical experiment, let the facts be
submitted to a candid (and skeptical)
world.
We have two democrats as candi-
dates for president on the republican
and democratic tickets respectively
While for vice presidential nominees
we have two republicans, Wallace and
McNary. Since the emblem of the re-
publican party is the Elephant and
that of the democratic party the jack
ass no other conclusion can be drawn
except that the politicians have sue
ceeded in crossing the two animals.
Socialists, "left-wingers" and others
Of like persuasion have long insisted
that the only point of difference in
the two parties lay in the name, and
loo cf,,I 81
two animals we may expect that diff
ference to disappear and these two
political organizations to merge under
new name such as republican," or
better still "demi-can" The latter term
is more appropriate, since in the orig
inal Sanskrit it carries the meaning
''half-canned," which is more accurate
ly descriptive when we take into con-
sideration the kind of legislation the
two old parties have enacted for the
public benefit during the past decade.
AS further evidence of the success
full hybridization of the two animals,
Candidate Willkie makes a political
speech and Immediately Candidate
Roosevelt's stock scars to new high.
Indeed, so successful has Democrat
Willkie been in making votes for
Democrat Roosevelt that many promi-
nent democrats are suggesting that
the democratic national committee put
him on a regular salary to campaign
for Candidate Roosevelt. An incident
this sentiment:
When Candidate Willkie was to
speak in Butte, Mont, Sept. "a, an
eastern Montana republican was asked
why he did not go to Butte to hear
WILKES speech. He replied senten-
tiously, 81 wouldn't go that fur to lis
ten to no damned democrat" He was,
however republican of the old
school, a type that will find it ex-
ceedingly difficult to accustom them
selves to the new state of affairs.
Disciples of Darwin are in consider
able of a quandary as to the physical
appearance of the new party emblem
which will result from the crossing
Of the species and we may indulge |
our selves in few speculations on
our own account. Judging from politi- |
,al performances of the two old par
les, the offspring of this union will
De a hybrid combining the physical
appearance of the two animals and
'etaining all the worst features OF
10Th. However, from political stand
Joint it must be eminently practical
10 we assume that the left side will
lave all the appearance of the jackass,
While the right side will retain the
ppearance of the elephant. In con-
tructing this emblem we suggest that
he two halves of each animal be
laced in juxtaposition. SO that the
cad of the elephant appears on one
nd while the head of the jackass ap-
ears at the other Now some mis-
uided radical may suggest that with
wo elephant legs on one side and two
ackass legs on the other the animal is
oorly equipped for locomotion, but we
eply that neither republican or dem
cratic party has ever shown any in
sntion of getting anywhere and for :
,alking around in circles this combi-
alton is the most practical that could
9 devised from a political standpoint. Z
S to having a head on each end, that
so is highly desirable since neither
arty has ever exhibited any under
anding as to where it or they were |
Ding, therefore two heads are better
ian one One point upon which all
tactical politicians will insist is that
9TH heads must contain the brains Of .
e jackass for it is rumored that an
elephant never forgets" and what c
ould a politician do about his pre-
ection promises if he were cursed "
it'll the memory of the elephant. AS Il
i after-thought, representatives OF a
til parties assure us that SO far as p
aims are concerned it would be emil tf
ntly satisfactory if that item were II
It out altogether since both parties II
d been getting along very well for 81
last two decades without finding RI
y use for that commodity and they p
uld see no good and sufficient reason d
: adopting any radical innovations OF
this late date. -
AS to the general appearance Of the