The guardian. [volume] (Boston, Mass.) 1901-1960, 1939-09-09
Two in the
Morning
By OSCAR WOODS
ASSOCIATED Newspapers.)
WNU Service,

THIS years model wife and she
eagerly perfected herself in the
game until Ed might be proud of
her.
On odd Thursday nights, however,
when Ed went to the meeting of the
Exalted Elephants of Englewood
(they had started their married life
in Englewood year before) Bar
bara smeared cold cream on her
face and neck, had tea and toast
and jam for dinner and settled down
comfortably with the latest detective
novel. By two in the morning when
Ed returned across the city Bar
bara was usually sitting wide-eyed
and anxious lest in some way she
! be a murder victim like the hero
or heroine in the tale she had read.
81 called you up" Ed said one
Thursday night, or rather Friday
morning, land you didn't answer
the telephone. 1 thought maybe
you'd forgotten your book and had
gone to the movies with Stella"
81 just guess not" Barbara said
decidedly. 81 get only one night
week to read, and I'm not going
to waste that chattering over the
telephone with anybody"
'You mean to say you deliberate
/ ly didn't answer the phone?"
That's just exactly what I near"
she laughed, dimples dancing in and
out of her firm cheeks. Neither
did l answer the door,
'Bah!" said Ed. "You sound like
Wednesday night book review.
Give me people-real, live, talking
folks-any time rather than a book
written at so much a world"
"Pu give you nothing" laughed
Barbara merrily, nothing except a
request for new fur coat or may
be new car"
1t got so that people would tele-
phone on odd Thursdays just to see
whether or not Babs would answer
that telephone. 1t was useless,
though. Within the apartment
Babs, grinning at the telephone like
the rascally little modern that she
was, sat cold-creamy and blissful
with the latest detective thriller in
her hands.
Then came the Thursday night.
Ed opened the front door with his
key and stepped inside to find Babs
sitting on the floor near the door
ct guess" she said unsteadily; 81
guess I've killed a man. They'll
probably hang me, Eddie dear, I'M
less you can get me that new fur
coat and some spiffy clothes to i'm
press the jury of my innocence
Live k-k-k-killed a mani"
And Babs was old-fashioned
enough to faint at that moment right
into Eds arms. He saw the man
stretched out on their one and only
Persian hall runner-an ugly cash
in his chin where Babs had evident
ly hit him with something or other
'You see," Babs explained while
they were waiting for the police
''the telephone kept ringing anc
ringing and ringing, but I kept or
reading my book and didn't answer
it. When l got to the third murder
though, I got kind of scary feeling
and I reached over to the writing
desk and picked up that heavy ink
stand that Aunt Orinda gave us fol-
a wedding gift. I thought if any
one tried to murder me I'd throw
that at him.
Here she stopped and shivered as
the man on the floor stirred slightly
Maybe - maybe he's not deac
after ALL" she whispered. ooh
if l k-killed a man"
''Where did the ink-well hit him?'
asked Ed practically.
''Well," Babs went on, latter the
telephone had rung for a long time
the doorbell rang and 1 didn't pay
any attention at all. Then a key
was put into the lock very gently
and the first thing I knew the front
door opened and this man poked his
head in. III tried to yell, but
no yell would come, and so I threw
the ink-well as hard as I could anc
it hit him right on the side of his
chin"
"Um," murmured Ed in some sat.
isfaction. Hell come out of it all
right He probably never knew
what hit him"
Ed laughed and cuddled her close
to him just as the police patrol
changed up to the lower doorway.
cts Slinky Simms!" muttered the
first officer. ''Well, well, well, lady,
you made a right nice haul, if you'll
let me congratulate you, ma am
Rang you up on the telephone, prob
ably, before you got home"
ooh, was right here" Babs said
calmly now. 81 had a good book,
you see, and l didn't want to be
bothered answering the door and the
phone"
"Well!" gasped the officer. 'Well!
That's Slinky Simm's method. He
rings 'em up on the phone and then
rings the bell to make sure no ones
home. Lots of folks leave a light
burning to throw robbers off the
track. Then if no one answers he
robs the fiat There's a standing
reward of thousand dollars for him
! dead or alive. ma'am. A rich man