The Waterbury Democrat., 1939-10-02
CHAPTER XIV

the Near North Side. 1t was small
and at the back of an old building.
For view it had back yards and
the distant elevated. The rent was
$40 q moth. To Marian it was not
q home. She sold much of her fur
niture and quietly packed.
Dolly, deep in her own exciting
adventure, was easily put of. On
the last day of october, Marian
went to a small church and stood
at the altar while Dolly and Randy
were married. Their happiness
sickened her with a kind of bitter
envy. She left them with horror
enveloping her like shroud.
Going back, for the last time
to the apartment where she and
Dan had lived, she wept at the
sight of Dolly's closed door, un-
endurable loneliness swept over
her. She spent sleepless night
In o clutter of packing boxes and
half-packed suitcase, the wreck
of o home, the wreck of life.
She had only her job now-and
the first of May. The first of May
became a real thing, embodying
torment and futile agony.
A letter from Dan awaited her
at the Office on the first day of
November. 1t contained a check
for SIS. Letting the check fall to
the floor, she hungrily read the
few lines. He had arrived safely,
was settled in a pleasant room at
the Heathman Hotel. From the
window of his room he could see
Mount Hood. That was all. The
FIRST of November was a gray,
never o-be-forgotten day.
The weeks dragged themselves
over jagged stones Of discomfort
and growing antagonism toward
life. Sally Blake took on more,
and still more, of the secretarial
duties while Marian toiled over
wearisome charts.
1he was quiet and reserved. In
wardly, she seethed with rage, her
mind swung back and forth be-
tween desperation and impotent
Self-pity.
Toward the last of November,
q raw biting day, Marian met
Amy Ellen Sands. Amy Ellen
knew that Dan had gone west and
cordially invited Marian to spend
Thanksgiving Day in the Sands
household.
Marian accepted for the simple
reason that her tired mind could
find no logical excuse for refusing.
Afterward she wondered what
might have happened had she not
gone to the Sands for Thanks
giving Day. Afterward she Won
dered if the kind gods had known
her plight and, in pity, sent Amy
Ellen to her.
Somehow, for months, years per-
haps, she had been drifting through
chaos, clinging to the spar of her
own belief in her own conclusions,
afraid to let go. Subconsciously, she
had been making comparisons and
observations. Arguments had been
gradually taking form in the back
OF her mind, arguments which she
refused to face. She was ready to
be convinced, she needed only the
unaffectedly joyous spirit of the
NSandS family to tip the scales to-
ward saner thinking.
They were utterly themselves,
happy together, glad to share their
happiness with an outsider. Amy
Ellen kissed Marian warmly upon
arrival. Bill also kissed her, say
ing he did it for Dan. The chill
dren were natural and unspoiled.
Marian's nerves quieted, she
laughed for the first time in weeks.
Her ready smile meant something.
Jane, aged 3, took a decided
liking to her, bringing her dolls
and books, leaning against Mari
ans knees, looking up with trust
ing eyes. Marian was flattered
beyond measure.
When, after a hilarious dinner,
Jane climbed sleepily to Marian's
lap, she held her with a fierce
tenderness. The little girl went to
sleep in her arms, her golden head
pressed against Marian's breast.
Amy Ellen asked, isn't she
heavy? shan't Bill carry her to
bed?'
"Oh, no - please -" There was
. mist of tears in Marian's eyes.
There was an open fire, riotous
sounds came from the playroom,
conversation flowed without effort.
Once Bill said, II wish old Dan
could be with us today
And Marian answered from her
heart, Il wish so, too" She
touched JAMES soft cheek with
her lips. The Joy OF holding a
baby IN her arms crept through
her cold veins. For the first time
she realized that there had always
been Q hunger. The hunger was
to be satisfied and she was glad,
II was like coming out of a dark,
damp cave into the warm, blessed
sunlight.
jamie awoke, rosy and tumbled,
and ran away to the playroom.
Marian looked after her longily.
she almost said, II hope my baby
viii be girl. Dan would like a
girl"
you're so lovely with the chill
dren, Marian" Amy Ellen said.
You should have a few Of your
own"
Maybe it's not too late" She
allowed herself that much. Saying
It, she was wrapped in pride and
warmth and mystery.
II was 8 o'clock when all the
Sands bundled into the family car
and drove Marian home. In part
ing, jamie presented her with
battered doll. SOS you'll men,
Der us and come again." she said.
Marian sat In her ugly, mcom-
Portable apartment with the doll
In her arms. Light snowfiakes
glistened on the window. She
drowsed. not sleeping, allowing
her mind to wander rack across
the years.
mx.~ God Dav. fad liuad In an