Imperial Valley press., 1939-12-21
SPORTS PARADE

Editors:
Once a year, the readers of this
column are treated TO a master
piece. Because once year, Clar-
ence Budington Kelland does my
column. Bud is Americas greatest
host. When you cross the thresh-
hold of his home there is no such
thing as care.
(signed) Henry McLemore.
BY Clarence Budington Kelland-
PHOENIX, Ariz.. Dec. 81. UP)-
Now that the season is here when
sports writers go balmy as crum-
pet and pick all-American football
teams, all-American flopS, all
American crap shooters, horseshoe
pitchers and goat getters, I would
like to pick, with discrimination
and expert knowledge, an all-Am-
erican team of guests.
have unusual facilities for
studying this form of athlete be-
cause my place is a sort of cross
between a paying dude ranch.
a non-paying parking space and a
paying cafeteria with meals at
all hours. I love guests l am gre
garious.
For captain, Quarterback and sig
nal caller I unhesitatingly put the
finger upon Henry McLemore,
itinerant proprietor of this column.
He is in his senior year as a guest
He is especially good at picking
unlandy times to arrive. Unerring-
ly he puts in his appearance when
every bed is full of other guests
that I have actually invited. This
never deters him. He tuckS his
suitcase under his arm, Scoots 90
ards through a broken field and
= axes a touchdown in the bedroom
eoarest to the dining room and
he liquor closet. He is going to turr
professional next year, but even
With seasoning cannot hope to excel
his record as an amateur guest.
AS fullback I select Grantland
Rice. His technique differs from
McLemores in that he always tele-
graphs the date OF his arrival He
wires he will come Tuesday, where
lpon you meet early morning trains
very day until Friday.
AT left half I pick Frank Craven.
Tho slowed up the performance of
the play Our Town" until it ran
for two years. Mr. Craven does not
aome-he ooZes in. But it is very
difficult to persuade him to ooze
out again.
At right half my choice falls upon
John Kieran. the sage Of "Informa-
ION, Please" who knows the an
sWer to every question except when
are you going home?"
At left end I have selected jim
my Cagney the dove Of peace of
Hollywood. Mr. Cagney does not
madden you by getting up too early
in the morning nor by overeating
or asking for temporary loans as
do some Of the previous selections.
But he does setting-up exercises
on the front lawn neatly dressed
in the lower half of a suit of alb
breviated underwear.
At right enc goes Edward Mac
Namara, one time thrush but now
occupying the legitimate stage IN
New York. He comes upon invita-
ton but departs only after a court
order. 1t is a quaint little peculiar
ity of his that he eats only five
times day.
without question the position of
center goes to Guy Kibbee. He dotes
ON his friends and wishes them to
have as many of the good things
in life as he obtains himself-if it
can be done with no expenditure
Of either trouble or money. There
fore he never arrives alone to be
my guest but always with a phal-
anX. He does not stay so long at
time but he comes terribly, ter
ribly often.
It will be noted that l have pick
ed neither guards nor tackles. This
is not an oversight. 1t is because,
with the center and backfield here
in disclosed no other players are
necessary.