Evening star., 1939-05-21


really believe that He knew what was wrong.
I've got to tell her :. l can't put 1t OFT
any more . I've got to tell her today.
Today. This day. For a month he had
known it would have to be done, and last
weekend he had known this would be the day.
But now that it was here. it made him sick.
IF she'd only see it for herself =. If she
only wouldn't - trust me -" For a
whole month he had tried to make Anita see
for herself He had tried to give her the chance
to end it. But she wouldn't see.
Tired. honey" she asked him, when they
had sat there by the lake in the moonlight,
and he hadn't kissed her. She had put her
arm through his, leaned against his shoulder,
and anger had risen in him. He was ashamed
of that anger shocked by it.
"She hasn't done anything" he thought.
"She hasn't changed. She's just as pretty
and - nice as she was at the start It's all
my fault I'm the one who's changed"
How had it happened? He had loved her
more than any girl he had ever met before;
he had asked her to marry him as soon as he
got better job. They were engaged. Now he
had to break it.
"TeH her l don't love her? >. But why
don't love her? don't know how this hap
pened can't do it! l d rather 60 through
with it get married, never tell her
You can't hurt girl that way - a girl who
hasn't done anything to you I'll stall
. Keep on being engaged, put off getting
married until she's tired of it.
That was worse The worst thing he could
do to her was to pretend to delay. A letter
wouldn't do, either: wouldn't be fair to her.
1t had to be said, to her face. don't love you
any more All the rest of it, about being sorry.
ashamed wouldn't count.
He opened his eyes. saw the familiar August
fields; he got out a cigarette, dropped 1t, got
out another and lit it. The train entered
tunnel, and in the darkened window he saw
his face. 1t seemed to him that his face looked
white, thin, crooked. There must be some
thing wrong with me-" he thought. "You
hear of fellow falling in love with another
girl, or you hear of a man finding he was mis-
taken about GIRL But I'm not in love with
anyone else, and l wasn't mistaken about
Anita. l was in love with her - and it stopped
There had been no quarrel; only his exas-
peration growing and growing in secret. 50
that now everything she said. everything she
did irritated him. even the very things he had
used to love - her gestures, her laugh. her
singing. What's the matter with me?' he
thought lust unstable? Weak"
He had asked himself that a hundred times,
in the last few weeks. He was twenty three
now; he had been out of college year, and
he hadn't done any of the things he had
meant to do Didn't want to do them; that
was the worst of it. He had majored in his
tory; he had been editor of the college maga-
zine; his idea had been to work for some
serious magazine. He had got this job with
the Sungold Canning Company just for the
summer, and now he was ashamed to tell
anyone that he liked it, didn't want to quit.
wasn't trying any more to get in with
magazine He was interested in canning fruits
and vegetables Immensely interested IN the
experimental laboratory, in the problems of
grading, of distribution, of advertising. He
hated to remember how he had talked about
his plans, to his father and mother, to Anita.
Making twenty dollars a week. Its stop
gap," Anita always said. But it wasn't. He
was learning things, and if he kept on, he
would get more and more money as he be-
came more useful.
Il never could explain that to Anita" he