Evening star., 1939-08-05
Nye Long After Retirement Resent Errors Of Diamond Staticans
From the
Press Box

Lurdner vs.. BIonk Case
Still Draws Blank
BY JOHN LARDNER,
Special Correspondent of The Star.
NEW YORK, Aug. 5 (N.ANAD.-
The celebrated case of Lardner vs.
Blank-I name no names, but the
party of the second part is well
known motion picture tycoon with
some of his teeth left, which mar
rows the field down to 300 or 400
probably will go to the highest court
in the land and then to the League
of Nations before we get it settled.
This case, the greatest civil action
since Jarndyce VS.. Jarndyce (see
the chancery batting averages for
1850 involves a $40 bet on the
recent Louis Galento fight. 1t has
been boiling like an unmatched pot
since June % and probably will bust
wide open before 1868, if my lawyers
proceed at the rate they are going.
My legal staff contains every bar
rister of note in this country except
Chief Justice Hughes and Attorney
General Frank Murphy, who were
out to lunch when I phoned to
retain them They probably still
are cuSsing their luck.
I would just as soon settle this
thing out of court for 80 or 80
cents on the dollar. being kindly
t,I - ef,srA
kind, but my lawyers insist on seeing
it through.
Charge Of Messuoee
Is Threatened
''Larkin," they told me the other
day Cthe boys have little trouble
remembering my name, but they
are veritable bloodhounds on the
traiD, I'VE intend to nail your op-
pohent on 86 counts of malfeasance
and 49 counts of tort. In case of
tie we will send Mr. Blank up
the river on a charge of committing
messuage in fee simple against a
red light"
I should explain here that mes
suage is fee simple in a hellish
crime committed in our time only
by an unidentified man named
Abercrombie.
My legal staff tells me that this
case reminds them strangely of
Flugg VS.. Dovil 0901-13). They
don't say why.
The gist of the action is this:
Blank, in the presence of three
witnesses, bet me that the fight
would end with Mr.. Galento on his
feet and able to proceed under his
own power. I took the other end
of this grisly wager. The three wit
nesses subsequently have turned out
to be deaf mutes Two of them have
left the country. The third is
wanted in Kansas City, but not very
badly.
Wonder if Tony Realized
Whose Feet Were Whose?
If you saw the fight, or if you
read about it and studied the pic
lures, you know that the bet devel-
oped into very near thing. Galento
sank to the floor and Referee Ar
thur Donovan stopped the carnage
with graceful wave of his right
duke and hauled Antonio to his feet
again.
Whether Galento could have
climbed to those feet by himself
whether he knew which feet we're
his and which were Donovan's-
whether North should have stayed
In spades or taken the bid into no
trump over South's double-these
are the things we have gathered
here to decide tonight. I only can
promise that if 1 am elected district
attorney-wait minute, Miss Ban
croft, we seem to have gotten off
the track.
What I mean to say is I claim
that Tony was down and listening
to organ music, while Mr.. Blank
claims he was up and razor sharp.
The logical way of settling these
little differences of opinion, of
course, is to see which party can
stay under water longer. I used to
be unbeatable at this stunt in the
old days in Salem, Mass. when the
oVdeC "do VI AllS W SCt AiC Oli elldG
witchcraft rap.
Lordy Lines Up III
Dizzy Witnesses
But Blank refused to undergo
the test, and the answer threatens
to remain as much a mystery as
what hit Dizzy Dean and who threw
the overalls in Mrs. Murphy's
chowder
Naturally, I am right, but Blank,
being motion picture executive,
is stubborn, not to say daffy.
He has placed 80 witnesses under
subpoena. I have lined up 112 wit
nesses on my own side. At $5 a
day, and so cents an hour overtime,
plus board, the care and feeding
of these mugs is terrific.
In the matter of photographs and
sworn statements. Blank has
amassed 492 and I have collected
479. I had to burn 235 as prejudi-
cial to my case on account of poor
lighting Some of the pictures are
swell, though. For instance, exhibit
D shows Lillian Russell in her
heyday. I don't know how it got
into the collection, or what it has
60 do with the case, but I like it.
If anybody has fresh evidence in
this case my counsel would be glad
to hear from him. If it's the wrong
kind of evidence, however, I wish
he would keep it under his hat. We
have plenty of that already.
What do you suppose it was that
hit Dizzy Dean, anyway?
20 Years Ago