Evening star., 1939-08-25
Grandmother
Has a Life
TOLive
Do Not Expect Her
To Arrange Ways
To Suit Family
BY ANGELO PATRI.

The traditional grandmother must
be amended. Our grandmothers are
not old, they do not sit wrapped
in blanket shawls, coddling hot
water bottles, nor do they expect
to be put in the corner to be brought
out, usefully, on suitable occasions
occasions that suit their daughters
and their growing families. Our
grandmothers have not ceased living
actively in their own right and that
fact must be considered by their
families when they attempt to make
disposition of the older woman's time
and interests.
20, you aren't going out tonight,
are you, mother? I'm going to the
reception and I'm depending on you
to take the children for the night.
I can't enjoy myself if I have to
think of them with only the girl to
look after them. You've just got
to help me out"
Sorry, Emily. but I am going
to the concert with Grace tonight" !"
But mother, I tell you that you
can't. You simply must stay to
take the children for the night. Ken
expects 1t. He would never 60 out
tonight and leave the children with
Norah. Can't you see you're being
selfish? Surely you have some af-
fection for your grandchildren? It
can't be such sacrifice to stay IN
one night for them"
Emily, don't tell you to arrange
your life to suit mine. I don't ask
you to put my interests before your
own. Why should you expect to
direct my life, plan my days, demand
my services as a matter of course?
You've been doing that now for
some time. Ever since the children
came you have taken me for
granted, my life at your disposal
Jim's wife, too. It won't do. You
may as well understand now that
as long as I am able to carry on
am going to do So"
Why not? These grandmothers
have brought up their family. They
have done their full share of family
service and they continue to give
themselves generously to their
grandchildren. To assume that they
have no lives of their own, nc
friends, no interests that cannot be
set aside at moments notice is tc
make a serious mistake. Our grand
mothers are active, alive and in
trested in many people and con-
Germs beyond their grandchildren.
When grandmother lives in the
home of her children the situation
becomes more complicated. There
cannot be two heads to a house:
hold and it is always difficult fol
two women of a family to live ir
peace and harmony. But one mus
lead and the other follow. In thi.
situation grandmother should be ths
follower, filling in where she can
doing her bit toward keeping tn.
home running smoothly.
But this does not mean that sh,
must surrender her Ife's habit.
nd interests wholly and be at th'
crvice of the family on demand
Her place would be clearly fixee
and she must have liberty to &
and come, to follow her own in
terests, to be herself. Intelligent co
operation on both sides will maxi
harmonious arrangement possible.
1t is unfair to expect grandmothel
| to take over the care of the chill
dren whenever their mother feel
that to be desirable. There can b,
only one mother to a family. Will
responsibility goes authority, ant
grandmother can have no authorit,
in this relation. She can be asket
to help on occasion, and she vii
gladly agree to do so, but it is JUS
too much to expect Of human ma
ture, as symbolized in grandmothers
to demand complete self-suppressiol
for the sake Of the grandchildren
Our grandmothers are young, activ
and keenly alive, more power 4