Evening star., 1939-12-23
Stepfather's
Role Is Verv
Difficult
Divorce Must Not
Wed IntOlerant
Type of Man


I have been engaged to a man who
is fine character in every way and
with whom I am very much in love.
But here is the problem: He is a
widower with children and I am a
divorce with children who are quite
a bit younger than his. My chill
dren are all fond of him, with the
exception of the eldest, and he and
my fiance do not seem to even try
to get along together. When he
starts pickering with my child get
so very provoked. 1t seems to me
that if he loves me, as he says he
does, and as he is so much older
than my child, he would use little
tact to prevent these disturbances
when he knows it upsets me so. Now
1 love my children and I love my
fiance, but would it be wise to marry
him under the circumstances? He
says that our children should not
come between us. WHAT TO DO.
Answer think 1t is easy to know
what to do in your case. It Is to
break off your engagement to this
man, who shows even before mar
riage that he cannot get along with
your children and will make them
bad stepfather.
There are various sorts of hell
that We make for ourselves in this
world, but no woman prepares for
herself such a place of torment as
does the widow with children who
marries a man who reSents her
youngsters and who embitters their
young lives by his harshness and
petty tyrannies. The mother treads
her Gehenna who sees her children
having all of the gayety and laugh
ter and high spirits of youth crushed
out of them by stepfather who
never speaks to them except to cor
rect them: who makes them feel
that they are eating the bitter bread
of dependence and who, under pre-
tense of disciplining them, vents his
venom against them by beating
them.
Yet many a mother has to go
through this. She has TO see her
children have their spirits broken
and 60 about, covering, pathetic
little creatures, knowing they are
not wanted. Often she is afraid to
show them any love and tenderness
herself because it will still further
inf1ame the jealousy of their STEP
father and make. him treat them
worse. And her lot is all the more
pitiable if she is fond of her hus-
band and has to act as a buffer
between those she loves.
Sometimes a woman blunders ig-
norantly into marriage with a man
who makes bad stepfather to her
children, but you are forewarned as
to what will happen to you if you
put your fiance over your children.
Furthermore, there are his children,
who will still further complicate the
situation. So if you are not a can
didate for martyrdom, stay as you
are. Women with children take the
most desperate of all matrimonial
CANDLES when they marry, because
it takes virtually a he-angel to
pinch hit as father to another
mans children. For children are
not the little cherubs in real life
that they are in fiction. They are
dirty and noisy and quarrelsome and
mischievous and while these traits
seem cute and interesting in our
own darlings, they are nerve-rasp-
ing in other peoples children. Also,
not many men enjoy toiling to sup
port their stepchildren and they
are nearly always consumed with
jealousy of them.
Such being the case, the widow
with children should be very sure
that she is the favorite daughter Of
Lady Luck before she marries again.
DOROTHY DIX.