Evening star., 1939-10-15

Or WILL be year now. come MiChaelmas.
that Dorothy Dix said to me: William
. that is what the W. stands tOrl if every
man in the nation understood marriage as you
do America would be a different country to-
day | can t recall for the nonCe what country
She said America would be- but in any event.
It was a compliment shall treasure through
the years.
Every dav in the week harassed young men
and women seek my sage council concerning
their marital problems. Should reveal my
past" they ask. One Young lady - blond.
about tWentv-iour wears old weighing in the
Aeiehborhood of 8 stone 6, picnic type Il pre-
Ter TO withhold her name - fell upon my
Shoulder the LETT One and sObbed like
,waddling babe Shall tell him? Shall tell
him. Shall tell him." referring to her hus
band of course she cried over and over again.
\ stimulant was necessary. In fact. | ordered
TWO and had one myself. do you know a
Mexican lawyer she intoned covly prior to
my assisting her through the side entrance
into a taxi.
Before could answer, the taxi was off like
a bat out of the habitat of Old Ned "Never
mind lawyer. Tell your husband nothing
about it. He may never find it out. Never
smarter up achump!" shouted repeatedly,
running down Broadway after the taxi
NV patience with these pitiable human be-
ings is infinite Marriage is a double, vast
adventure the depths of which few have
pumbed And because of my wide experience
in plumbing both indoor and OUT feel it my
bounCien duty to enlighten the many thou
sands OF my weaker brothers and sisters -
poor devils - who are cropping in the dark.
Right at the outset. friends Il always think
of my readers as friends and would like to ask
YOU all to ibation if | thought a quart
would 90 arOundl, | wish to state unbiasedlv
and without reservations that most marriage
problems of today stem from the fact that we
pamper our gentle sex too much. The nation
needs to return to the colonial trend of life,
when a wife was Judged by the amount of
wood she could split or buckets Of coal she
could carry up from the cellar. But probably
that is asking too much of human nature The
old order Changeth. o tembor0, o m0reS! The
Young men of today prefer to consider their
lair ones as frall flowers and parade their own
manly strength before them. Personally
am of the old SCHOOL,
This is mistake, Nerer Try TO impress a
roman! Because if YOU do she'll expect you
to keep up to the standard for the rest of your
life. And the pace my friends. is devastating.
| tried to impress woman once Abigail
Twirlbatfing was her name and she lived next
. door to US Played left field for the Guthrie
Centre Hay & Grain Co. Dodgers, batting
$50 Abigail bestowed upon me the befltting
appellation of "Blondie." and | always ad-
dressed her as MY Plum In those days
could blow bugle harder than an Eagle
Scout. once blew bugle so hard that after
one blast of Reveille it looked like trombone.
Ultimately an opportunity afforded itself and
got chance to play Cornet in the town band.
The cornetist had been run down by pie
wagon - the unfortunate poor dear | prac-
ticed dav and night and sometimes in the
afternoon. One evening after the game little
ibgal came over to listen. She was all intent