Evening star., 1939-12-10

Federal Security Administrator
tential presidential candidate. a
humor. -Har1
ing on the eiegfried Line" Then
a group Of washerwomen entered
and the innocent-appearing articles
which they hung on the line turned
out to be "airplanes for an unknown
destination" cannon for m un-
mentionable neutral" and machine
guns for the banana trade" The
last thing hung out was nag bear
ing huge dollar marks which was
identified Is ANY old nag that1l
carry EN- away"
The Good Neiehbor" policy Of
promoting trade with Latin Amer.
lea was satirized In . scene depicts
ing a group Of Western Senators
gathered In . clearing in the foot
hills and holding IN indignation
meeting because "furrin" products
were competing with Texas cows and
Montana copper. They insisted that
no one was "afeered Of Old Man
Hull" but Just then the Secretary
Of State in trapper's garb with .
long rifle entered and the Senators
all changed their tune. Hull
finally advised them:
aye better not let me ever catch
you high-tariffen with them Repub-
licans."
The Senators faded away and Hull
sololoQuized:
If them jug-haids is up to what
I suspect, there's goin' to be hell in
the mountains"
Stassen and McNutt Speak.
The speakers Of the evening were
Gov. Harold e. Stassen Of Minnesota
and Paul v. McNutt, Federal Sc
curity Administrator. In accord
ance with the Gridiron Club rule
that reporters are never present."
their remarks were not reported.
However, Immediately after Gov.
Stassen's speech an excited mem.
ber Of the club mounted the plat.
form, despite opposition from the
floor manager and addressed the
club president.
The member justified his inter-
ruption of the regular program by
declaring that history is being
made in this hotel tonight"
He declared that as soon as the
Minnesota Governor had finished
speaking a group of Republican
elder statesmen had convened In q
smoke filled room" and decided to
dispense with the party's 1910 con-
vention and draft Stassen as the
Republican presidential candidate.
Republican bigwigs - including
former Gov. ALI M. Landon, Col.
Frank Knox, National Chairman
John Hamilton and former National
Chairman Henry P. Fletcher and
Charles D. Hilles appeared on the
stage in person to lend plausibility
to the announcement.
But the president Of the club
pointed out that Gov. Stassen was
only 80 years old and that the Con-
stitution Of the United States speci-
fies that q President must be ut
least IS.
1.-THE Constitution Of the United
States and the calendar stand in
his way" the Gridiron president
told the excited member.
There followed frenzied con-
ference on the stage, from which
the member who had interrupted
the program emerged with the tri-
umphant announcement:
IT have just consulted Gov. Lam
don and he makes this suggestion:
If the President of the United States
feels now as he did about Thanks
giving Day, maybe he will oblige
the Republicans by changing the
date Of Gov. Stassens BIRTH"
McNutt's Ambitions Presented.
McNutt's own presidential ambi-
tions-if Mr.. Roosevelt doesn't t
choose to run-were presented in
the scene before the Great Sphinx
to the tune Of the "Sheik of Araby,"
as follows:
I'm the Sheik of Terre HUT
My name Is Paul McNutt.
To make me President
Costs only 2 per cent.
Few men you'll ever see
With sex appeal like me.
I'll get the women's vote.
The sheik of Terre Haute.
Now I've Just penned . note
And here Is what I wrote:
Dear Miss Democracy,
Your heart-throb I would be;
You need q good he-vamp
To take 'em into camp.
That's Paul McNutt, unquote
The Shiek Of Terre Haute.
McNutt, entering with an escort
Of four armed Bedouins, had an
nounced that he was taking over
here" after one Of the supposed
Arabs had been stripped Of his
flowing robes and revealed to the
audience garbed in . cowboy suit
with two six-guns, . bottle Of whisky
in his belt and q royal flush In his
hatband. Admitting he was that
"evil old man." Vice President John
Nance Garner, this Arab then sang:
To most folks there's q spot that
lives forever,
Down deep Within their fond
est memory;
Tho I have been q rover have
never
Seen any place where I would
rather be.
I'm q headin' for the White House,
Try and stop me II you KIN:
I don't have to ask permtS[on
From q smilin' 4il0k1n.
| Just to ret the New Deal Ayan',