The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1938-03-24
Pre-Arranged Matches
Seldom Satisfactory
for Lack of LoUe.

would be so comfortable if we could
just allow our parents to fix us up
with a Suitable life companion
whom we would promptly fall in
love with once the wedding bells had
rung.
Nothing could be more satisfac-
tory than a state of affairs in which
neither the boy nor the girl had to
take the responsibility of deciding
what constituted a perfect mar
riage. Think of all the worry and
anxiety to be avoided if the match
could be arranged by somebody else
and guaranteed to bring everlast-
ing happiness!
But alas, it doesn't work out. Men
and women don't fall in love with
each other after they're married.
The fact of their being bound to-
gether doesn't cause them to feel
greater tenderness and love for
each other. On the contrary it more
than likely makes them FESTIVE and
disagreeable. Without love to help
them over that discontinued feeling,
they are merely too miserable mis-
fits, tossed into matrimony.
Marriage doesn't make devoted lovers
Of ti0o good friends. Too often it makes
enemies of ersttohile st0eethedrts. Even
the most ecstatic couples find that their
early married life is a series OF painful
discoveries about the human weaknesses
and foibIes Of the beloved. Imagine then
the threetold misery Of early married life
uith a man you don't Lope enough to for.
give his faults and irritating ,oays.
Sometimes a woman can per-
suade herself into being in love with
the husband who is good and kind to
her. Woman is a possessive sort
of creature who hangs on to what
she's got and even learns to build
few illusions about it.
.nEAR DORIS DENE: I am one
~ of five children. l help to sup
port my mother who is aging. The
other children are married and have
left home. I have been engaged for
four years but have not seen my
way clear to marrying yet as we
can't afford a nurse for mother and
she can't be left alone. Now / am
wondering if it is not my duty to
give up marriage and stay home
permanently with my mother. My
brothers and sisters help support
her so they are not being unjust. I
have tried to puzzle out what my
duty is, until my head aches. Can
you tell me what is right? My sis
tiers think I should remain, my
brothers advise me to get married.
IS. j.
ANSWER-Few men could be CAL
lous enough to tell sister that her
duty was to give up love and stay
home with an invalid mother. But
the female of the species has often
absolutely no conjunction about
urging a good-natured sister to put
aside romance and all the pleasant
things of life and tread the straight
and narrow path of duty. The more
comfortably married the adviser is,
the more strenuously she advocates
spinsterhood for her sister.
Ask yourself, S. j., why it is your
duty and yours alone to take the
full responsibility for your mothers
well-being. Why aren't some of her
other daughters ready to assume
their share of the burden? Their
answer is of course that their hus-
bands and their children come first.
But you can point out clearly that
but for your sense of duty and your
refusing to desert your post you
might even now have your home
and husband and children to take
care Of.
I honestly see no reason why you
should be the family martyr. I
don't believe the role would suit
you. You couldn't go on being brave
and sweet and noble through weary
years of service-not unless you're
born saint. In time you would
come to understand fully the injus-
tice of your fate and then you'd re-
sent the well-wishers who assured
you that you would find perfect hap
piness in a needless sacrifice.
Certainly men and toonen have attained
real peace OF mind through giving up
their lives to someone else. But their
sense OF achievement has helped totoard
their peace Of mind. You, S. j., could
not hare that sense of achievement, knOtO-
ing as you do that ,oith little manage
n,ent and planning, the care OF your
mother could be epenly apportioned
throughout the family so that no one son
or daughter Uas given more than his
share OF the responsibility. You ,oiH be
bound to feel one day that your sacrifice
,oas unnecessary, and nothing is more bit.
ter than the realization that ones spleen.
did sell -deniaI has been futile.
And what about your duty to the
man who's waited for you for four
years? Are you forgetting all about
him? Doesn't his opinion count for
something? Don't brush his ideas
aside as umimportant because he's
not member of your family. He
has real claim on you-and you
have duty toward him. Don't for
| get that.