The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1938-05-19

k4Asss tell them to
Lillian RiIsy put up or
shut up. Jimmy, aged Is, elected
to put up and here it is, uncen'
sored and unabridged:
what with the arrival of
gentle lifting zephyrs and rising
Fahrenheit, it looks like Old
Man Summer (not to be con-
fused with Old Man Winter or
Old Man River, or what have
YOU'D is definitely ushering in
new sports and activities while
oStracizing the old.
with the appearance of new
vistas of tiSSue-building past
times, the modern sports
woman, the all-around muscle
mol (this does not include the
expert, the specialist, the
shrinking violet or the down.
right women'S place-is-in.the-
home female, but only those
normal, healthy. vigorous Specl'
mems of femininity who can take
a deep breath without eollapsing
and who want to keep their
yumph up and their waistline
DOWN. the muscle-moll, I say,
is wondering just what sports
she will expend her energy
upon and just how she will go
about it.
: Guides to Sports
"For the benefit Of Miss
Physical Culture, we will out
line a few of the more or less
renowned national occupations
from the standpoint OF the
eentler sex so that when called
upon to. Judge a tennis matcn
she will not howl Justify, foul
ball, or attempt to extricate her
thumb from a 12-pound bowl
ing ball after it has gathered
momentum. However, we Will
not under any circumstances
discuss bridge, pro or con.
ITO start our little SNOWFALL
on it's way, let us look at bowl.
ing, a great indoor sport, IL
somewhat torrid in the warmer
days. Just ask the management
to install fans and you can get
your fresh air through window
and YOUR suntan from an ultra
violet ray lamp. e.,
"The main object in bowling
r. to knock over those dwarf
saplings with that round pro-
jectile which you are now mold
inp in your hand.
"Now then, Miss culture
don't show any outward signs
of emotion, just step up and
oops! Oh, well, even if your
bali did end up in the wrong
alley you didn't go over the FOUL
fine and it doesn't cost much
to replace splintered maple;
only about $500 per unit.
Age No Bar
zone good thing about bowling
Is that neither age, girth nor
stamina is a retarding factor.
All that is needed is a firm will,
q devilmay-care spirit and a
bottle of Absorbine Jr. to rub
on your thumb next morning.
You could use a pinboy in case
one of your balls has a will OF
its own and does collide with a
pin "a highly improbable
aspect. You are now classed
as an expert and we will go on
to tennis; a game to keep the
figure trim, the muscles 1.-THE
and the palms blistered.
There are only three things
to learn in tennis:
81. Keep hitting the ball back
and forth until she misses.
20. Don't try to learn the
score: it is futile anyway. Just
say one, two, three whenever
you swing at the ball and you
may thus obtain an inner feel
ing of serenity and also effect
q compromise with the U. S. l.
T. A.
"3. Never Jump over the net
to congratulate an opponent.
Let her Jump over to congratu.
late you or else just walk around
and shake hands.
3 Avoid the Rough
"Third on our list of summer
sports is golf, a game which
could only have been thought UP
by the Scotch and consumed
only by the Americans.
1T is an observed fact thai
thrifty women make the best
golfers. This riddle is easy tt
solve. A bad slice means a bal
in'the rough, a ball in the rough
means ball lost, and you know
what that means.
THE one alarming factor ir
our fourth and last breath
wheeler, croquet, is that YOU
opponent may with impunity
knock your ball far from thu
scene of conflict and put vol
hors de combat. If this hap
! pens, do not shrek and clus
! her, but restrain your ANNA
impulses and, next time, knocl
her over the fence, which is out
LAS a final precaution TO
summer sports, don't eat to-
much before exercising. A cream
puff or two may be all right, bu
absolutely no horS d'oeuvres
muSh, or onions. Mush produce
severe internal commissions ant
onions are unfair to your Oppc
nent."