Evening star., 1938-04-08
POSSIBLE RUN-OUT
BY MAX |RKS BAER
Never Would Get Shot at
Uh|an's Crown, Reformed
PIayboy Complains.
By John LARDNER.


NEW YORK, April 8.-It's secret
% far, but on the night of June %
Mike Jacobs and the United States
Government are planning to throw a
Gordon of marines around the whole
Of our national border to hold Max
Schmeling snugly in escrow-because,
a. sure as he wins the title and slips
through tackle, the swivel-hipped
Uhlan will bury his honors in 10 feet
Of Prussian soil and sit on them.
No one knows exactly where Max
will plant the loot. They say that
Adolf Hitler, a prominent German
politician, has offered him a special
vault, guarded by half a dozen deaf
mutes and l3 well-paid rattlesnakes,
in the heart of the grapefruit and
copra country around Bad WiSSelberg.
There will be three keys to this
crypt, one held by Schmeling, one by
the leader and one by seven cabinet
ministers named Goering. Sometime
in July national holiday will be de-
clared and the three trustees will
stand in the middle of Inter Den
Linden and publicly swallow the keys.
The meal will be washed down with
buttermilk and followed by coffee and
brandy, while the ladies leave the
room.
Would Bury Schmeling, Too.
II the key-sWallowing fiesta proves
popular, it will be repeated every year
until further notice Meanwhile, the
heavyweight title will lie at the bot
tom OF the vault. There is some talk
OF burylng Mr.. Schmeling alongside.
to keep the title doubly safe. The
leader is mulllng this proposition over,
Schmeling is against it.
The whole hellish plot was dis
covered by patriot named Max Baer.
a family man, who promptly began
screaming for the G-men. Mr. Baer
oelleVes that the plot is aimed at
himself. Having given the best Years
OF his life to his country's service
'and to SO licensed night clubs and
supper rooms, to be divided equally).
ne feels that he deserves some pro-
lection in return.
III Schmeling ever gets out of the
country with the title" says MI. Baer.
am a ruined man. What can
tell my kiddies, 80 years from now,
When they ask about the CHAMPION
ship? The one about the travelling
salesman? No. no They'll want the
truth. and I will be forced to admit
that Uhlan outslicked me.
Here is the situation Schmeling
Will night Louis for the title in June
and maybe he'll win it. I'm not bet
ting one way or another. It's any,
oodys fight. But suppose Max wins
and he has fast boat waiting for
him at the curb, and he gets away tn
Germany. Will ever get a crack at
that title? No, indeed. I'll be rocked
He'll sit on that thing till it matches
squarely Up to Capital.
III Louis wins, he'll give me nv |
shot In September Louis has no |
place to go but home, and I can al
ways find him there. I'll haunt the |
joint, If necessary. But if Schn.eling
wins, the title goes to Germany to
stay. What is the Government going
70 90 10 protect my rightS?"
That puts the issue squarely up to |
washington. How is Max Baer going
TO be protected? 1t shows you how
times change. A few years ago the |
question was, How are we going to |
protect the country from Max Baer?"
THESE things go in cycles. Andrew
jackson had the same trouble So
did Polk. So did Madison. What
TINS country needs is a good scent |
cigar.
II the matter is placed in the hands
OF the G-Men, people believe that j.
Edgar Hoover will order every exit
guarded after the fight and every GUS
toner searched for concealed Ger
man heavyweights.
Mike Jacobs, the promoter, has been
giving the problem considerable
thought on his own hook. Mike is said
10 favor policy of high bail. or heavy
collateral. Before the fight he will
ask Mr.. Schmeling to post vast guar
antee OF his good faith and his inten-
tlon to defend the title over here, pro-
vided he wins it.
MAX Bound to Kick
The question is, will any bail be
high enough? The German is a rich
man. He might be willing to sacri-
nee as much as 100000, and leave it
laughing when he goes, just for the
sake OF the title. Max has been well
and thoroughly swindled in these parts.
The chances are that he remembers it,
And he is no green hand at the double
cross himself.
What sort of deposit would be sure
to bring him back here? Mr.. Jacobs
has considered: (a) Max's right arm
(o) His teeth. (c) His appendix. (d) |
His word of honor
Alter deep study Mr.. Jacobs shakes
his head and concludes that the Uhlan
would run out on any or all of these for
two bits. That brings us back to the
plan OF guarding the border with ma
rines, the ends playing wide, the safety
back close in. Max will be forced to |
pass or kick, and you know which he'll
do. He'll kick so loud they'll hear him
In Saskatchewan.
(copyrieht, 1928. by the North American
Newspaper Alliance, 1nc.)