Evening star., 1938-01-31
All Children
to
Don'tBe TooHarsh; f.;
Make a Point of
Helping Them.
By ANGELO PATRT.

III Ellen MARIE, why don't you try
to do something with your hair?
It's too bad that 1t had to be that
color, and as stiff as a rake. but
surely you could do something with it
to make you look less like Fiji. If.
you only knew how very unattractive
you are you would try to do something
about it
Helen Marie is IS, self-conscious,
f1dgety, very shy. Her teachers know
that she Is intelligent, but they have
great difficulty in getting her to ex-
press herself before other people. Re-
citing in class Is an ordeal She is
moody and has no close friends as the
other girls do. Her mother is troubled
by all this and tries to get the child
to be bright, attractive. friendly and
popular; and to accomplish these
ends she resorts to direct and sharp
criticism.
How would you feel toward the per-
son who told you to your face that
you were social failure and mess
generally? You would very likely
choke with rage, and long to slap the
truth-teller. The barbed arrow sticks
in the flesh and you would writhe un-
der the pain of 1t. And you would
begin to think that maybe you were
not as good, not as bright, not as at
tractive to other people as you had
fancied. You would begin watching
how other people treated you and
find, sooner or later, something in
their attitudes to wound your spirit.
Children are even more sensitive
than grown up people. They suffer
under direct and harsh criticism.
Their feelings are on the surface.
Little things are important to them.
Their manners, their appearance, their
abilities are all sources of worry to
them, and they suffer whenever they
feel they have failed in any one of
these very important phases of their
lives. Children are not only people
like ourselves, but they are more SEN
easily wounded, more easily Influenced
by criticism. Personal remarks made
to them, or about them in their hear
ing, are likely to do grave harm.
Children need criticism, but 1t must
be helpful. In order to make 1t help
full it must be made indirectly 80
that 1t does not wound their sensi-
bilities. Whenever you turn to 4
child and say, "You," be on guard
lest you forget yourself and say to
that child what you would not dare
say to an adult, or say it in q man.
ner that you would not think of US
ing to an adult.
Bullying Is never pretty. People
who would scorn to bully child do
just that without realizing it, and
when the child reacts to the method
by retreating, they wonder what ails
him. You cannot make child friend
ly by telling him that he is so unat-
tractive that people shun him. You
cannot make him bright by making
fun Of his mistakes. You cannot
make him feel efficient by telling him
that he Is q laundering fool.
Go about it the other way. The
poorer his showing the closer you
should get to him in a friendly spirit.
Make point of showing him that
you like him; that you are with him; !;
that you are able and willing to help
him. Tell him how much you ap-
preciate him. Mark his good points.
Teach him to smile at his mistakes.
Help him to succeed. But do not, il
you value his success, make harsh,
direct, personal criticisms.
Mr.. Patri has prepared leaflet en-
titled ''The Shy Child" in which he
tells parents how to help children
overcome shyness and fear. Send
for 1t, addressing your request to Mr.,
Angelo Patrj, Child Psychology De-
partment Of this paper. 1nclose q
self-addressed stamped (3.cent) en-
velopor