Evening star., 1938-03-23
BIRDS, BEASTS TIP
Al TO COMIC ACTS
Art Learned as He Roamed
Woods as Young Hunter
Pays Big Dividends.
BY JOHN LARDNER.

oyo otS SISINStINSs
BY JOHN LARDNER.
SARASOTA, Fla, March 23-Al
Schacht is training vigorously this
spring for another hard season of
humor from coast to coast. Already
the droll non-Nordic is down to his
best comedy weight of 1877 pounds.
At this weight AL can panic them. At
100 pounds or over he has to fight for
his laughs.
Last year Mr. Schacht cleaned up
something like $4,000 in a personal
appearance tour of major and minor
league ball parks all over the country.
Most of this was in cash. Some of it
was in merchandise.
Merchandise always is welcome"
says Mr.. Schacht. Il have acquired
quite collection of salable stuff
round, ripe, luscious tomatoes, country
eggs fresh from the henroost, green
vegetables, and now and then a rare
specimen of granite or Ignite that
any geologist would be proud to pos
sess. I receive these tributes with
pleasure. usually just above the ear
or square on the chest"
This year the Bronx Harlequin has
commitments and guarantees of $30,-
600 for another such tour. The name
Of Schacht, formerly used to describe
the condition of a woman whose hus-
band has just fired gun at her. will
be famous in towns that the Post Of
fice Department never heard Of.
Rehearses "Holdout" Routine.
Mr.. Schacht trains conscientiously
for tours like this For instance, YOU
will hear him muttering to himself,
I'll take go. or not dime less than
&c., and why don't you ask for the
ball park, too?" He is rehearsing his
.holdout' routine, dialogue between
ball player and club owner. He
always is rehearsing something.
TO be as funny as am" says AL
bashtully, you must practice con-
stantly. Take my strip tease. for ex-
ample. That's matter of timing. I
have to leave just the right amount of
time between taking of my overcoat
and taking off my shirt. Otherwise the
crowd will think I am initiating a hat
check girl or something.
"All great comedy is a matter of
timing. Say I am sitting with some
OF the boys in the press box and
announce loudly that I am now in the
s35 5,00o-a-year class. along with j. P.
Morgan and the rest of them. All of
. sudden Jump up and say:
"fHan nx3,Nd1, coora
THAT is good for laugh if I don't
wait too long for the punch line If
I wait too long, they will forget what
1t was I said in the first place, and
will have to do 1t all over again.
That's what I mean by timing. See
what I mean?"
Indians Coveted AIS Scalp.
It is interesting to look back upon
al Schacht's life history and study
the boyhood and background of this
mastery clown. Born of poor but tol-
Grant parents during the French and
Indian War. the infant Schacht had
peculiar bay-colored head of hair
that was coveted by the Iroquois and
6hawnees for miles around.
The Indians used to knock at the
door Of the Schacht cabin and offer
to trade wampum and beaver pelts for
little AIS scalp. It was a sore tempta-
tion to AIS impoverished father and
mother, but they always held out for
q better price and were thus respon-
sible to no small extent for their sons
success in the years that followed.
The manly little fellow used to
roam the trackless forest with his
squirrel gun over his shoulder, learn
ing the habits of the animals and
birds. He did this until 1910, when
he was picked up on a charge of
vagrancy and violation of the Sullivan
Act and given six days to leave the
country.
Always an opportunist, young
schacht employed those six days to
amass fortune in steel and OIL He
was a millionaire when he sailed for
Europe, and he strengthened his hold
ings abroad by making one wealthy
marriage after another, until America
recalled him to lead an expedition
against Pancho Villa, the bandit,
along the Mexican border.
Forced to Tote Gun.
Al never did find Villa, though he
looked under every stone and log in
the Rio Grande area. His search
netted him six hairpins, several lengths
Of good stout pack-thread and the
Republican nomination for the presi-
dency in 1918. He was in the midst
Of strenuous campaign when the
news reached him that there was no
election that year.
Heartsick and disgusted at the du-
plicity of public life, Al retired to his
hacienda to brood. It was there that
scout for the Washington ball club
saw him, liked his work and signed
him to pitch for Clark Griffith.
Bchacht has been in baseball ever
since.
That is the story of his life as AL
tells it, and it explains good many
things. It does not explain, however,
why Mr.. Schacht will carry gun with
him on tour this year wherever he
goes. It's because he was held up by
two thugs while driving away from a
personal appearance in Tulsa, Okla,
last summer. They took $50, gave
back five for gasoline and told Al they
had never heard of him.
THAT was the deepest cut of ALL"
says Mr.. Schacht. This year 1 am
going to carry not only gun, but my
book of press clippings around with
me. This country has got to be made
Schacht-conscious, and public enemies
are no exception"
(Copyright. 1898. by the North American
Newspaper Alliance. 1nc.)