Worcester Democrat and the ledger-enterprise., 1938-07-15
CHAPTER IL


you said, Run along, Denise. &c
home and see Keith I should SER
iously think of going. I shouldn't
know what to say to him. But
want to know what I want, whether
it's to snatch him back frana Felicia
if she still has him, and prove to my
self at least that I'm as strong q
person as she, and as desirable a per-
son; or whether it's to be able to be
contemptuous of her and him, to re-
joice that you're the better man, and
so to forget them, finally-which
haven't been able to do yet.
"Time was, I wouldn't have told you
any of that, Gilbert"
'I know that. Well, it's at least
a change from debates on the future
of Communism"
She hurried, then: Sometimes
think until l do something to resolve
that situation, that situation will
possess me. I'll never be able to get
free, to be sure what l think about
you, for instance. I've been so pas
sive all my life, always waiting for
what happened next; for Keith to tell
his father he wanted to marry me
Ito tell me, even, at that stage); for
some one to do something about Faith
er's bankruptcy (Felicia made you do
something about it, quickly enough)
for the year 1 promised you to be end
ed. so that I could be free again-for
what, I don't know. To wait for the
next thing to happen, suppose!
"When you go home, I shall wait,
inconsistently, for your return"
He was at once interested, and
startled. He had not supposed she
could so accurately diagnose her chief
trouble. He searched for words that
would be as honest as hers, and yet
comfort her bitter dissatisfaction.
"Since the first time met your
mother, Denise, I've thought her one
of the most charming women I ever
saw. She's so gentle, so serene. Yet
it could be said that she spent her
whole life waiting for what happen
ed next, for whatever good fortune,
or bad, her husbands management of
affairs brought her, for whatever op-
portunity she had to be helpful and
encouraging to her children. It's
legitimate pattern for woman's life,
after all. Not all women have to be
forecful."
"The ones who aren't, are pretty
much at the mercy of the ones who
are"
"You don't have to be at anyone's
mercy, Denise, while 1 live, if you
choose to let me look after you. You
were only so very much at the mercy
of Felicia and Keith, because you re-
fused to go on to your own next chap
ter"
"Not at the beginning of our mar
riage, Gilbert, but very often recent
ly, I've wanted to love you enough
enough" Her words trailed off.
you'll never love me at all, dear
est, while you cling to an episode in
your life that's finished. When you
admit it finished, you can go on"
She said to the stars, to the dark
ness fragrant of jasmine: 'How can
one be sure of what's finished and
what's not?"
Something snapped in the iron of
his self-control. He said aloud: 1--WE
sometimes considered my restraint
slightly admirable. More often I've
realized it was extraordinary, at least.
Now I think it's been insane. It
hasn't helped you, and it's made me
miserable. :. Denise, will you be my
wife from now until 1 sail in July?"
Her eyes" was as uncertain a word
as he had ever heard her speak; and
he had heard her delightful low voice
utter many uncertain words. But this
time he swept past its hesitation.
He was halfway across the Atlantic
on his passage home alone in July,
before he was willing to admit to him
self that he had failed, that he had
not been able to make her forget in
his arms that she did not love him.
She had said goodbye, under the
eyes of her family (and Felicia's eyes
derisive enough), affectionately e.
nough. She had kind of affection
for him. She might miss him even.
But desire him, or love him, she did
not. She loved that man who'd treat
ed her badly, and was treating Felicia
badly, too, apparently-else why
wasn't he taking charge of a situa-
tion growing more impossible by the
hour.
He thought, 81 don't want an un-
willing wife" Yet he did want Den