Evening star., 1938-01-24
Privileges
Equal to
Behavior
Treat Each Child
According to His
Development.
BY ANGELO PATRI,

ISN'T there some way by which
parents can get together and de.
eide upon rules that all will accep'
and 20 save some Of US the eterna
wall, Johns mother lets him-Mary'.
mother says 1t is all right. Jean!
father lets him. and 20 forth?"
No. there is no such pleasant roae
to peace. 1t may be quite all right
for John to drive . car and quite
all wrong for Jean. although both art
seniors in high school. 1t may be per.
fectly reasonable for one girl to us<
. latchkey and quite out Of thu
question for another girl to have
any such liberty.
Parental decisions are based on the
character and nature Of the chilo
in question. No two Of them are
alike in the beginning. No two ever
grow at the same rate. physically OF
mentally. nor in the same directions
The differences are individual and
the parental decisions made for theil
safety and welfare must be indi-
vidual
1t is best to get rid of the common
notion at the start. Most parents
think that they have to treat them
all alike" They need not and should
not do anything Of the kind. Any
attempt to treat . family of children
alike. by giving each the same priv
ileges, denying each the same pleas
ures. is bound to come to disaster
Each must be treated according h
his state Of growth and development
What one can do easily another
cannot do at all. 1t is best to un-
derstand that and have the children
understand that, at the start.
A general tone can be set by the
family and community. This in
wolves principles of behavior. Ger
tain things are not done. These are
things that permit Of no argument
drinking while driving. for example,
and others not necessary to mention
But the details, such as at what
age young person shall have key
drive . car, 60 out nights without
check, live independently while still q
dependent, must be settled indi-
vidually.
The best basis that I have found
for such decisions is the young per-
sons sense Of responsibility as shown
by his behavior. If he or she has
shown, by repeated actions, that his
of her words to be trusted, that his
or her use Of q car Is sensible and
safe as possible, that his or her
judgment is usually good, father
and mother are justified in allowing
that young person full enjoyment of
the privileges he or she claims. But,
If the contrary Is true, the parents
are fully justified, even forced, to
refuse such privileges.
One young man told me . long
story Of the injustice. harshness,
prejudiced actions OF his parents. They
wouldn't give him weekly pocket
money. He got it by the day. He
was not allowed to use the car. He
was not allowed to 60 out 1T night
without some one the family accepted
to 60 along with him. He was suffer-
ing great hardship.
This lad had smashed two cars
and injured one person; he had cut
college and gone on q trip for which
his father had to pay; he said he
was going one place and went another;
he said he would be home at q certain
hour and did not come home at all
And he wanted his liberty. I'm sure
his father and mother longed for
freedom from the results OF his be-
havior. but they couldn't have it.
Each according to his expression
Of responsibility.
Mr.. Patri has prepared = leaflet
entitled, Annoying Habits" in which
he tells parents how to cope with
some of the common infantile faults.
Send for 1t, addressing your request
to Mr.. Angelo Patri, Child Psychology
Department of this paper, and inclose
self-Addressed. stamped (3-oent)
envelope. ..
(Copyright. 183sJ