Evening star., 1938-04-16
HEAD FINE TARGET
DESPITE P|TH CAP
Some Vets, Though, Would
Pitch to Ribs, Leaving
'Beaner' to Rocks.
BY JOHN LARDNER.

the pith helmet for batters. The
average pitcher is a man Of weak
character and the temptation Of a
target like that will be too much for
him. If every umpire is equipped
with box of cigars, and one cigar is
awarded for every bull 's-eye-well,
that runs into time, and 1t ruhs into
large money, too.
Your correspondent has polled SO
major league pitchers on the subject
OF these pith helmets, or clay pigeons,
as they are known In the trade.
Breaking down the fgures-and al
lowing them to boil for one hour
the result Is as follows:
Eighteen pitchers had nothing to
say.
Six pitchers had something to say,
but forgot what it was.
-Four pitchers are left-handed.
Two pitchers are opposed to our
entry into the League Of Nations.
Helmet Held no Handicap.
The other eight commented thus,
with allowance for dialect:
l. Il usually shoot for the ribs.
The helmet would have no effect on
my work A busher aims for the skull
because he Is young and restless and
seeking new thrills. but the old hand
has seen his share Of life and Is salts
fed to throw at the body"
g. The helmet would not discour-
age me. believe that grit and perse-
verance and Is minutes extra practice
every day should enable any conscien-
tious pitcher to throw through those
caps and contact the head as Of yore
Pluck will do it-pluck and patience. +"
3. L think the pitch helmet will
make a good target if they paint it
green against the white background. :"
4. 1T will save wear and tear on
the ball If the hitter's head is pro-
tected"
S. Il believe in beaning a hitter
every now and then out Of friendship,
because that's the only way they ever
get on base of me-"
6. Why should hitters be protect
ed? There's too many of them Al
ready"
7. What is pith helmet?"
8. Don't bother me-"
Through hidden channels, your in
duiring reporter learns that they have
been testing the helmet down in
Washington, along with the machine
that hits home runs automatically.
These tests have not proved anything.
but otherwise they have been a great
success. and everybody is pleased.
Pong-Wetherby Makes Test.
To insure expert cooperation, the
boys called upon Cecil Pong -Wether-
by. the big-game hunter, who prob
ably has worn pith helmet longer
and farther than any man alive-if,
indeed, Mr. Pong -Wetherby can be
said to be alive. There Is considera-
bic doubt on that score, and the tests
did nothing to settle it one way or
another.
Pong-Wetherby has worn pith he'll
NETS in Kongo. Poona. Guinea. New
Guinea, Old Guinea, Mombo -Jombo,
New Rochelle, Borneo, Java, Mocha,
Black, Drip, Kaffee-Hag and Demi-
tasse. He never has removed his he'll
met except when sharing an elevator
with lady, and then only to hide his
watch in it.
For the purpose Of the tests, orang-
outans were posted in trees, 20 feet
apart. and equipped with all the Coco
nuts they could handle. Pong -Wether-
by. wearing the new major league
pith helmet pair OF shorts and an
Eton tie. underwent heavy prelim-
mary bombardment, followed by spo-
radio artillery fire and then a con-
eerted machine gun attack.
The last orang-outan abandoned the
field eight hours later, pausing at the
cashiers window to draw pay for
overtime. Pong -Wetherby appeared
to be In great shape at this point,
though his helmet was riddled with
shellfire.
Il tried to spare the hat as much
as possible" he explained, "by taking
those shots on my ears, but my foot
work Is not what 1t used to be when
played ruggah for the varsity I'm
afraid the Jolly old toppiece has been
badly roughed."
(copyrieht. 1898. BY the North American
Newspaper Alliance. 1nc)