Evening star., 1938-11-21
Fear>Struck
Child Hard
To Handle
Force Only Makes
Matters Worse,
So Be Gentle
By ANGELO PATRI.


1t is scarcely possible to avoid
frightening children at one time or
another, just as it is possible not
to frighten grown-ups occasionally.
The hazards and excitements Of
life are common to us all. We have
to learn to subdue our fears and
exert ourselves to courageous effort.
The children have to be taught to
do the same, and that right early.
Jean was left at home with her
older sister. Jean is 8 and her
sister is 16. During that evening
an apartment in the building took
fire and the engines and firemen
rushed to put it out. The fire did
not enter the apartment where the
children were. They heard the
noise and saw the engines and the
f1remen, but no fire approached
them, nor did the water. A slight
smell of smoke was their only share
of the trouble
After that Jean refused to stay
alone with her sister. Her mother
and father, both, must stay with
her. Once a month father and
mother 60 out in the evening to
have a night off. Jean puts on a
scene, screaming and crying and
stamping about, shouting, I'm
afraid! I'm afraid" BY and by her
weary parents sit down and stay
home. Jean is satisfied and goes
sweetly to bed. What are parents
to do under such circumstances?
Go out just the same. If Sister
Is the kind that can be trusted to
stand by, as Jeans sister is, the
quickest and surest way to cure
Jean is to say, There is nothing
for you to be afraid Of Sister is
here with you. We are going out
tonight as usual" and go.
1t is true that the child was
frightened. Who wouldn't be? But
1t is also true that she is making
not the slightest effort to kill the
fear and be rid of it. She Is hold
ing fast to it and taking advantage
Of it to keep her father and mother
under domination. That is un-
healthy for her and bad for her
father and mother. The child is in
no danger. She needs to learn that
she cannot impose her fears, her
tantrums and her childish domina-
ton upon other people. If she does
not learn that now, she will form
the habit of elevating fear into a
major power in her life and welding
1t to the undoing of her own life
= we'll as that of her family and
friends. Don't talk to her about
1t, but calmly 60 ahead as usual
Many times little children cannot
tell what frightened them. Fear
lays hold on them and they hold
back and cry, I'm afraid" With
such children go gently. Assure
them. Try to find what it is they
fear and deal with it accordingly.
II it is fear of the dark, make it
possible for them to turn on
light, for themselves. If it is fear
of strangers, let them stay in the
background and arrange with friends
to help you overcome this fear
through happy experiences with
them. But always try to leave the
solution of the fear in the child's
own power, as when you place
light so that he can turn it on for
himself and so feel powerful against
the fear Another's courage helps
comfort a stricken child; but
1t does not and cannot, overcome
the fear. That must be done by
the child, for himself, through the
medium of his own intelligence.
The one thing to guard against
Is the use of force. Force gener-
ates fear because it makes the
child helpless. Helplessness is what
causes fear. Make the child's free
dom possible by setting the stage
for sef-pity and courage and go
on from there. But never let his
fear dominate anybody else.
Mr.. Patri will give personal at
tention to inquiries from parents
and school teachers on the care
and development of children. Write
him in care of this paper, enclosing
a 3-cent stamped, addressed
envelope for reply.
(copyrisht. 193s.)