The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1938-04-21

pipes, flower pots, piles Of pap
or. and / have TO hang by my
teeth 10 pick Il up I claim
It's too much exercise, -.
Now It's q peculiar thing with
baseball -. Az Q player the only
thing z ever caught was the meas
les, unless you want to count sum
burn :. But q have told you that
story /. =. But from my observa-
tions the innocent (?) spectator,
(he's the guy that launches pop
bottles at the umpire) Is the boy
who really works at q ball game
!. The players? They loll around
in the cool Of the dugout When
it's their turn at bat they take q
couple Of cuts at the ball. But IL
it's hot day what's to prevent him
from striking out to return to the
dugout? :. Then to the fielders go
out and pick dandelions or kick at
them with their spikes Meanwhile
the pitcher and catcher have q jol-
ly time tossing the ball back and
forth until some guy sticks his bat
in the way In the meantime
what Of the spectator =. Well, here
comes one now Shh, and we'll
watch him He arrives in good
order Straw-hatted, he wears q
suit coat but no vest His string
tie flaps in the breeze lie Is q
perfect picture Of composure /.
But now he goes to work &. A
butcher boy cries his wares passing
by 'Hey, YOU" shouts our fan.
this Is only the beginning folks,
Gimme bag Of peanuts" You'll
hear that gimme again It's
truly American So he has q
game Of catch with the the bag Of
peanuts, while a lotta unsuspecting
spectators duck Then he goes
to work shocking the nuts, first
shocking his coat, and fitting his
hat on the back Of his head !.
Well, he got through that Wow,
It looks like q home run Now
watch our kibitzer Hes UP, yell
ing, waving his arms, he's up, he's
down, he's up again The other
one is retiring to q neutral corner
Whoops, wait minute !.
Where were we All yes, dear
old baseball, the American sport in
waltztime Z. Now you see, the tan
Is really going now, but he's only
q start All winter long he has
trained his stomach to get along
on good wholesome food =. Now
he must eat hotdogs How can
q man he American these days with
out a hot dog? &. So he upsets
his stomach with two or three, hot
with mustard !. Then he's yelling
for the pop He's mopping his
brow now (. It's only the last OF
the fourth, but the terrific strain
is telling on his weakened body {.
What's he doing now :. Good grief,
stop him, somebody :. He's throw
ing the pop bottle =. My gosh, he's
hit the umpire Pahdon me, you
don't mind II I leave the scene, do
your Blood shed and all that
sort Of thing, you know :. Are you
convinced that I'm not a lazy
sportster-or aren't you? :. Eur
eka, I got it! I'm not lazy !. It's
spring fever -.
He made it-You gotta hand 1t
to Wilfred Hetzel, he has ambition.
He has ambition to get all the pub
lefty he can. And that's what 1t
takes in his business to sell his act.
He's sharpshooting free throw ex-
pert, claims the amateur title Of the
world In the st. Paul Dispatch,
date of April IA, his prowess record
appeared in none other than the
great oddly cartoonist's corner, Be
lieve It or Not, by Ripley ;. Het-
eel has been printing to get into
that corner for some time, has made
it one Of his ambitious moves along
with an appearance in Madison
Square Garden +. We quote from
the cartoon on his record: "Wil-
fred Hetzel, Minneapolis basketball
star. shot 90 baskets out of 100 tries