Evening star., 1938-12-18

ures representing Publisher William
Randolph Hearst, Robert r. McCor-
mick. publisher of the Chicago
Tribune; Publisher Frank Gannett
Arthur Hays Sulzberger, publisher
OF the New York Times; Dorothy
Thompson, Publisher Paul Block,
Greta Garbo, Walter Lippman,
Ogden Reid, publisher Of the New
York Herald Tribune; Paul Patter-
son, publisher of the Baltimore Sun;
| Westbrook Pegler and Roy w
Howard and the editors of the
Scripps- Howard newspapers.
Chorus Of Jubilation.
Well satisfied with themselves the
entire group joined in a chorus of
| jubilation:
The votes in town came tumbling
down,
Remember? In November, in TIE
rain.
The Democrats were fighting in
September,
And November, as in Spain.
| We did our stuff and that's enough,
| oV PACoClit,
We raised the grisly ghost Of
G. o. p,
Though winters here, to us it's still
September,
Still. September, Franklin D.
What does Republicanism stand
| for, the Martians wanted to know
DIR. Glenn Frank started to figure
that out in 1888" Hamilton replied
Here 1t is 6938 and he hasn't re-
ported yet"
When the Martians asked II the
Republicans had candidate for
President in 1910. Hamilton called
on lone of our younger members,
former Senator Daniel o. Hastings
of Delaware, to answer In song:
Could 1t be Landon, or could 1t
be Taft?
What II the wind really blows, not
merely a draft?
Could it be Butler OF Morningside
Heights? -.
Or could it be Knox who stays up
nights?
Could it be Borah, or could it be
| jim?
Not Mister Farley, of course, but
Watson's the name of him.
Could it be Hoover, or the shade
of Elihu Root?
Or could it be just Reed Smoot?
Streamlined Lodge.
A confused gentleman represent
ing a writer of the old school, Mark
Sullivan, was introduced to sing a
plaintive song about why didn't
somebody tell me these things"
Finally Mr.. Hamilton found an
other exhibit, none other than
Henry Cabot Lodge, a streamlined
version of Lodge the elder-the
Boston Babe, Harvard's' Handsome
Hank, Townsend's Tiny Tim.
Mr.. Hamilton, your exhibits are
indeed unique. The moon has Just
signed up for Is acres at our fair.
She's sending us an extinct volcano.
But when. 1t comes to extinction,
we'll never forget 1910"
Hamilton, however, had the last
word.
you never knew, did you," he
cried, that in 1910 we turned en- the
Aurora Borealis, nominated Jupiter
for President and swept the
Universe?"
To satirize the administrations
monopoly inquiry involving Ameri-
can business, big and little, the
Gridiron Club turned to Steve Vas
callenos, whose famed peanut stand
on a corner of the White House
Grounds some time ago was forever
protected from competition by order
OF President Roosevelt.
Hes Got Monopoly.
As the lights went up make-be
lieve Steve was found pushing his
cart across the stage. Justify calling
his wares. A fractions policeman
demanded his permit, and when
Steve responded that he needed no
permit, that II gotta d'monopoly,
the copper summoned Thurman Ar
mold, in real life the guiding genius
Of the monopoly investigation.
Steve protested his is an exclusive
right and proudly announced that
every since Jimmie Roosevelt wehta
to Hollywood I'm da biggest busi-
nessman closest to da White House. !"
why, my man, do you want to
be in the same monopolistic class
with the Du Points, Henry Ford,
General Motors and the rest of
these malefactors?" Arnold de-
manded to know.
Sure, you betcha my life," Steve
cried joyfully, and turning to Ar
mold, added: Here, squirrel, you
TAXA de nuts. Henry Ford, here I
come!"
The Gridiron Club members d.
rected share Of their fun-poking
at that inimitable team, Thomas
Corcoran and Benjamin Cohen, two
brain trust members who have
bulked large in newspaper colum-
nists' chit-chat. Capitol Hill long
has known Corcoran for his fire.
quent telephone messages to men,
bers Of Congress, and on the Grid
iron stage he was discovered behind
a table on which no less than six
telephones tangled, sometimes singly
but often in confusion. Cohen, the
silent partner Of the team, sat studi-
ously by, but ready to prompt
Tommy the Cork when needed.
Six Calls at Once.
With q self-confident manner
Corcoran put in six calls at once
to Secretary Of Commerce" Hop
kins, Speaker Bankhead, Senate
Majority Leader Alben w. Barkley,
House Majority Leader Sam Ray