Evening star., 1938-01-29

within her would be alleviated Just
a little.
INSTEAD, she had to make ar
rangements for Vickie's burial,
friendless, alone. She had to keep
stiff upper lip. and face Babe and
Phil in that room Only in a moment
snatched alone sometime would she
be able to cry.
All the rest OF that night was a
horrible nightmare. She was weary
and sick when she went to the Office
the next morning, her eyes heavy
with sleep, her nerves on edge from
strain and anxiety. She longed for
Ernest Boscombe suddenly. who was
miles away. If only he would come
back and take the business from her
shoulders But she stood alone. Every
emotional restraint was down. All
her control was gone Her hands
shook like leaves as she hung up her
hat. She collapsed into the chair,
completely fatigued.
1t was disillusionment and heart
break that were wearing her down.
Phil. her mainstay and friend, was
gone. When she had needed him
most he had failed her. He had
turned to her for strength and sym
pathy when she herself had been torn
asunder. He had been hard to handle
that terrible night He had cried
once in her arms, six feet Of manhood
weeping like child. now that the
worst was over. But now that she
could weep, tears evaded her. She
stared at the desk top and waited for
herself to cry great, relieving sobs.
But they did not come She rested
her aching head on folded arms, lis
tening to the clock tick. Outside the
Office went on about its business. In
few minutes they would start drift
ing in business to be done, things to
be handled competently. efficiently,
correctly. Her nerves cried out against
1t, but she lashed them into obedience
once more.
For a week this went on. She
managed the Office all day. driving
herself harder and further than she
had ever imagined possible. Evenings
she spent at the hospital with Babe
and Phil. Somehow it was getting
easier to see them together. One
evening Johnnie and Minna stopped
by on their way to their wedding re-
hearsal. Minna looked at Chris sig
nif1cantly, and Chris longed again
to slap her face. Minna said, Chris.
darling, you're looking positively ter
rible. You need rest or something"
A FTER they had gone Chris won
dered how much longer she could
keep up the pace. She felt as though
she were hard, tight knot, and the
knot was growing tighter and harder
every day. Soon 1t was going to snap,
and she was going to snap with it.
Gradually, very gradually. so slowly
that 1t did not hurt her, she was be-
ginning to realize a great, significant
truth. She had never loved Phil really.
1t was astounding when she finally
realized it. She had been in love
with an ideal. a picture Of what might
have been. She had played with the
notion, and then she had fallen, en-
couraged by hints here and there. She
had finally convinced herself that she
was in love with him, but she really
wasn't.
Comprehending this at last, she felt
more lost than ever. It had been more
comforting to cling to her hurt and
console herself with it than to have
nothing at all, like this. She dragged
Wearily about, day after day. Julie
from the switchboard came in one
afternoon. quietly and cautiously. She
was bearing huge bouquet that she
placed on Chris desk.
These are from us outside" she
said. Her shrewd eyes saw Chris
fatigued ones and she placed friendly
hand on Chris shoulders. you poor
kid" she said softly. why don't you
60 home early tonight and get = good
rest? You're all in"
Chris nodded gratefully. Julie went
out again, closing the door. The
sweet odor from the flowers drifted
into Chris consciousness. 1t touched
something there, and then at last she
cried passionate, wrenching sohs that
hurt her throat and throbbed through
her head.
NOV that everything was all right;
now that everyone was paired off
like children in q game-Johnnie and
Minna, Babe and Phil-Now, at last,
she could cry. No one wanted her.
No one needed her. Babe would be
taken care Of. She wouldn't need
Chris any more. She could do as
she pleased about her art work, Chris
hopes would not matter. Bereft OF
everything, Chris sat alone and cried.
Her shattered system collapsed and
she wept on. Vaguely she hoped that
no one would come In and see her