The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1938-07-14
Communicated
Dear Editor:

Lear EQlCOr.
! Well, here we are again: Anothe,
week gone by, another big fruit crol
harvested, another million dollars IL
the bank and another politica
campaign coming up. I see by thu
papers where Mr. Roosevelt says h,
has no desire to be Dictator. Tha
is fine thing for the liberty-lovinf
people Of America because If ever {
man had the proper set-up to hav,
anything he wanted-he sure ha!
it. Do you remember away back ir
those dear old by-gone days Of fret
speech and free press when you reac
that old cartoons of Mutt and JEFF
and the lost mule? Jeff found the
mule and earned the reward offered
for its capture and when Mutt asked
him how he come to do It so easily
he said just thought Of where
would go II I was mule-and
went there and I have been spend
ing my idle time trying to think
how I would proceed If I wanted to
be dictator of a country like this.
First I would get myself elected
President. This is very essential,
as it gives a person the advantage of
being in the lead and saves q great
deal Of unpleasantness right at the
start. But this is easy. In fact some
smart man has done that every four
years ever since I can remember.
All you have to do is to get the
nomination and then find out what
people want for their votes and
promise it to them. Then would
collect. impound and keep all the
gold in the world. This is a very
essential thing when it comes to buy
ing things that are hard to purchase.
When the various rulers come into
power in other countries they we're
practically broke and were forced
to do business on "jawbone" but
who ever steps into the dictator
ship" Of our fair land viii find
many millions Of pure, hard yellow
gold tucked safely away In the Ken
lucky hills.
All this talk about great govern
ment debt and deficits and unbal-
anced budgets That is all Just
figures in the bank book and can be
erased or altered just as easy as
they were put there in the first
place. Gold is gold In any mans
country.
Second, I would gradually gain
control Of all the food Of the nation
by either buying outright or loan-
ing money to the producers or with,
other political manoeuvers which
would give me the right to say who
should or should not eat. ~ i
Then would begin to strength !
en- my armed forces by making large
appropriations to the army and navy
and air forces. Because when it
comes to the showdown q well-fed.
well-trained., well-eqdpped, .obed- |
lent army Is very nice thing for
q dictator to have In the, family.
Then I would try to perpetuate
myself and party In power by buy
ing what votes were for sale and
the remainder into so |
many factions that their combined
influence would not be sufficient to
upset my apple cart. Oh yes, one
detail is to legalize
booze so everybody could obtain all !
the liquor they wanted. This would
not only secure the support Of |
everyone engaged in handling the /:
stuff but would also have q tend
ency to further divide the so-called
decent element who would like to 1
see the people and country have q |
fair run for their money. j
There is nothing In the world like
q good stiff jolt Of whiskey to help