Imperial Valley press., 1938-04-28
You re Telling Ne ----
BY WILLIAM RIFT

-
BY WILLIAM RIFT
MANY A congressman who looks
like peach of a choice before
election turns out to be lemon
because all he is interested in is
a political plum.
Things never change. A hundred
years from now conservatives will
be telling radicals to go back to
the country where their great
great grandpa came from.
France, we read, regards Italy
with an anxious eye. Maybe the
French, remembering Hitler ano
Austria. are afraid someone may
discover the fact" that MuSSolini
was born in Paris!
JiggS, Chimpanzee movie star
has died of overwork, 1t was just
too much for an ape-trying to
keep up with the antics of human
beings.
Someone has suggested a pen
sion fund for eX-congreSSmen.
There ught to be one for eX-taX-
payers, too-eXcept they never be-
come "eX".
Europeans must naturally be
puzzled over the fact that all
Americans aren't teeming with
health since every cigaret we
smoke gives us Tor so the ads say
Just the pep we need.
An unSolvablc mystery is why
any auto driver launches on a
career o fSpceding and cracking
traffic lights. There is no reward
other than the eternal one.
THE DUKE OF WINDSOR
seems unable to shake an old habit.
As Prince of Wales he constantly
made the front pages by falling
off his horse. Now he seems to
have fallen off the the front page
too.
One of the least likable things
about King Winter is that he
keeps on making farewell appear
ances. And when he finally does
quit its too hot to enjoy the fact
that he is really gone.
An architect suggests a moving
sidewalk for use of congressman
between the capitol and the hous'
office buildings. Many a taXpaye
would feel the cost, $l75000, small
indeed if it is a onc-Way aiiall
heading out.
We haven't heard much latCl
about the new fiYe-suit Contrac
bridge decks. Perhaps those VIII
sponsored the idea have come I
the conclusion that the world ha
enough troubles without adding I
them.
Now that the Chinese army ha
administered terrific surpris
beating upon Japan's powerful wa
machine the Sauerkraut Centc
ball team, we hear, is trying to al
range an exhibition game with tn
New York Yankees
Hollywood has lost one cham
pionship which it held for man
years. Those election returns fror
, Germany show that Hitler no'
has 48,799 269 yes men.
THAT ARMY OFFICER VIII
J thinks the United States shoul
have an unbeatable navy mean
of course, unbeatable by anyon
except the army football team.
The office conservative tells c
communist baseball team whic
opened it's season with flag ra2
zing ceremony
, Now that the Chinese have ad
, miniStered such a terrific beat
ing to the supposedly all-powerfl
japanese army Yawn Yawnso
says he wouldn't be surprised (
find Eddie Bergen sitting o
Charlie McCarthy's knee.
The New York City park depart
, ment will sell tree to any house
holder for $50, but its up to tn
New Yorker, of course, to find
place where he can plant it.
Zadok Dumbkopf says he know
a congressman who now is work
ing on a law by which we ca
spend daylight saving.
MEXICO DOES not know Wher
that country may sell all the oil
has taken over. Prime Minlste
Chamberlain of England should b
contacted-he apparently has lo
troubled water he would like t
throw it upon.
YOU haven't read ALL the NEW
until you have read the ADS!