The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1937-11-25

inal. Well, he was Irwin s. Cobb
guilty of being poor.
Six months later came the trial.
The defendant, having been cut all
that time on bail, looked hale and
hearty. The prosecutions witness
was produced under guard, pale and
sickly from close confinement. 1t
didn't help his health any when the
crooks attorney browbeat him,
yelled at him, practically accused
him of perjury.
The citizen sued the state for
false Imprisonment, for loss of
wages, for separation from his fam
lily, for all he'd suffered. Under
the statutes he had no standing.
They threw his case out.
Meanwhile, the convicted crook
had been released by the parole
board and was free as bird.
Aquatic Novelties.
INTERESTING discoveries were
L made in Hawaiian waters by gov
eminent ichthyologists. For fear
the similarity of sound may lead to
wrong impressions, let me state that
this department has nothing to do
with Secretary Ickes, although,
since ichthyology pertains to fish,
Nine. Secretary Perkins might pos
sibly have a contrary view on this
point. Because they do say there
are moments in the cabinet when
all is not sweetness and accord.
However, the point is that Uncle
Sans piscatorial sharps dredged up
a fish that is most delectable for six
months of the year, but poisonous
the other six months. So at least
they've found a creature emblemat-
ic of the California climate.
Let this be regarded around here
as treason, 1 will state that I'm as
loyal a native stepson as any that
ever came out of Iowa, having been
here long enough now to join in
passing resolutions endorsing the
scenery and at intervals uttering
three loud ringing cheers for the
sunsets.
Also let envious Florida refrain
from gloating. To typify Florida's
climate that fish would be good only
four months of the year and power
fully hard to put up with the rest
of the time.
Lecturing Adventures.
TN ALABAMA is a sect which for
L bids its converts to laugh or
even smile. Now l know who it
was bought out the house when I
delivered a humorous lecture down
there.
The other day a chap asked me
why I didn't go back on the lecture
platform. I told him I'd appeared
in practically ever stable town in
America, and, though it was years
ago and probably popular indigna-
ton had abated now, still I wasn't
taking any chances-I was waiting
for some new towns to be built.
Once I tried the experiment. of
slipping around to the front door to
hear what the crowd said, coming
out. That was the night I attempted
suicide by gas, but was saved when
someone, passing through the hotel
corridor, Smelled something that
smelled even worse than the hotel
smelled.
A lecturers lot is not a happy one.
But usually it's the audience that
suffers most.
Eating Oysters.
THERE'S brand-new movement
L called ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
you-please movement, or, unless
you're working on space rates, it
may be called E. o. I. A. M. Y. P.
M, for short. It's sponsor says the
prejudice against eating oysters in
months having an s'r" in them is a
fallacy dating back 1000 years
when, between hiccoughs, a Roman
senator said: "Oysters should be
eaten only in certain seasons
So it appears we've been penaliz-
ing ourselves ever since then for the
indigestion of Roman senator,
although, so far as eating the Cali
fornia oyster is concerned-he runs
around forty to the dozen-I per-
sonally could refrain for the whole
year without any undue lodgings.
The California oyster looks some
thing like brass overall button suf-
fering from vertigris.
Still, maybe it's all for the best.
Because during May, June, July and
August is when the oyster does prac-
tically all his counting. There's lit
tie enough romance left in the world
and anyhow, who am I to come
between an oyster and his love-life?
He doesn't seem to have any too
much fun the rest of the time
IRWIN S. COBB.