The daily independent., 1937-07-07
W. G.. Fields Has
Recovered All
Except Memory
Comedian of Screen Takes
Over Movie Column
Just for Il Day
BY w. c. FIELDS
Written For The United Press

HOLLYWOOD. July 6.-(U.R)-Come,
my little amanuensiS, take let
ter. Pardon me, pardon me, l
mean a column. A great column
for my old friend and boon COM
apniOn er-er-Come, come my
little baggage look up the fellows
name. Don't just sit there. What
do you mean. you haven't got MS
name? Must I bear the burden
of this hectic hou ehold single
handed?
Never mind, never mind, I'll get
the mans name. A very pretty
name it is. too. Wait a minute,
now. it's on the tip Of my tongue.
1 hear it rafting around in my
brain clamOring for utterance.
Man wears muStache and writes
for a newspaper. Nice guy, too.
His father was an old army man,
poor fellow: he was caShlered out
of the cavalry for cheating at
horSeShoeS. The regiment was
broken hearted. His favorlte
horse WHAT are you staring
at me for? Pay attention to this
dictation and take down my every
word
Ju.: start: Dear So-and-So.
leave the name blank, Dear. Ill
get to it later
Dear So-and-So: l have been
thinking of you all morning. AS
sit here in this peaceful Rath-
skeler, enjoying my morning
beaker. beaker full of the warm
South. full of the true, the blush
ful hippocrene-what? Never
mind how to spell it. It's from a
poem. Just make the beaker a
noggin Of ale.
Dear So-and-So: As I sit here
in this roadside tavern enjoying
my noggin of ale, I have been
thinking Of you constantly. Your
name keeps running through my
tumultuous brain-CWhat j. that
name anyhow? 1t eludeS me like
leprechaum. But I'll get to it
in time. Patience, my little am
aanuenSiS, my memory is funda-
mentally sound. 1 once won a
spelling bee in competition with
a herd of elephant. 1t happened
while I was with Etanley in the
jungleS of Africa One day as we
pushed doggedly on through the
dense vegetation of the dark con-
tinent we were startled by the
trumpeting of a bevy of giant
paChydermS beating down upon Us
from the flank. Before 1 could
gather my wits about me ! sud-
denly felt the hot breath of the
leader upon my proboscis. There
We stood, probosCi3 to proboScis,
glaring eye to eye. But it was he
that flinched first. He dropped
his gaze and stood staring at the
the ground, shifting uneaSily from
hoof to hoof, as mo, no, don't
take this down, my pretty numb
skull. 1 merely mention it in
passing. 1 will return to the COL
umn.
Dear So-and-So. Just a few
lines to let you know that I am
alive and well. Only yesterday 1
was down at Paramount behold
ing the wonders of motion picture
making; watching them film
2hipWreck for a sea picture on
studio tank stage, when an old
man came up to me and inquired
how 1 felt. Fine, fine" 1 re-
Sponded heartily. Il will soon re-
turn to the fold and make an
other picture" Well, the old man
turned out to be a little crazy.
He handed me some literature for
casket company and walked
away.
am really my old self once
more, but a. you know was long
in the clutches of science.
1 have thrown away my crutch-
es. Science has done wonders for
me. Alter a little overhauling
this old chassis drives like a "
Sixteen, and is now able once
more to start or stop on a dime.