Carbon County news., 1937-12-24
WALLUM'S
SOLEMN
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BY EVERETT wALLUM
MER' CHRIsHMUs!

| BY EVERETT wALLUM y
I MER' CHRISTMAS!
"Ah here we are in Red Lodge,'
jolly old rosy-cheeked Santa Nc
Claus shouted as he neared the
city. "Ah there's the people watt
ing for me now. Nope I guess
that's crowd entering beer par
lor. Oh, there's the good kiddies
over there. Whoa Dancer (high
school cutie stops doing the Big
Jonathan), whoa Prancer (little
boy with ants in pants continues
prance)" Donnie, Blixie also stop,
the little deers.
"Now .kiddies, I know there's an
ordinance against peddling here,
but everybody else's doing it and
why not good old Sanity? Now
I'll take my bag here Ito wife,
who was under seat "no l didn't
mean you honey'') and give all the
good boysies and girlies their pre-
sents."
''Step up, Joe Yelich. Here's a
thimble- and two short sbreaths.
Now you can also sew a pair of
pants for your bowling team"
AND SPEAKING OF BOWL
ING. ~ 7 HAVE SOMETHING
SPECIALLY NICE FOR YOU
BETTY KEMP. HERE rs A Pop
CORN BOWLING BALL FOR
YOU TO USE. NOW YOU WON'T
MAKE so MANY STRIKES!"
"Ah, Coach Hartwig. Here's just
the thing, and aren't you glad you
didn't make that face at the ref
cree the other night! It's an ear
trumpet. Yes sir! Now when any
of the tickle fans start pouring it
on in case your cagers should lose
a game all you've got to do is use
this and yell 'hey?' They'll think
you're deaf and drop the whole
matter"
I'd:
"And who's this shrinking little
buttercup? If it isn't Emil Dimich.
No longer will they laugh when
you get up to speak-though
you'd better be sure to wear your
trousers: Here's a special course,
with pictures, on making talks in
public. Remember you can't use it
after curfew hours!"
r.. ''Step up D. w. Columbus. A :.
real surprise for you, you manly
little fellow. Here's a feather bed
SOS you can be- happy, even while I
dreaming. What did you say? Oh
you said it's a lot of bunk. HO, ho,
hO.'
"And for Mike Hudak, I've just
the thing for these cold winter
mornings. A jumping jack! Now !.
you won't have to chase the streets
soaring up those cute little rab- ]
bits. Just press the little button
like this, see, and, Ouch! take the a
drafted thing!
"And to Gail Nelson, the best J
boy here, I'm giving a singing top. !
If your head spins, it sings, does !.
MT it.? Well, go do a highland fling. (
Ha, ha, even Santa has his jokes.
But, just to give you added pleas !
ure, here's set of blocks so you
can Block that Pun about you in @
Wallum's Solemn Column"
''And as for you, Mr.. WaIIum, .
how did you get here? Well, you
re here, so here's a handful of
moss so you won't gather any
stones rolling towards your cram
ium. AS far as I'm concerned you
can eat the mOss!' .
"For Leo Spogen we have
special set of imitation scales, on
which he can weigh the fish he
catches. On these scales, a two
pound fish will weigh at least five
pounds. Another thing. The scales
work, even with fish caught in the
high C"s."
"TO MARGE CRUTCHER WE
GIVE WATER ON THE KNEE,
so THAT ANY TIME IT COMES
TO A BOIL SHE CAN KICK TT
AROUND"
''To George Throop, we give a
packet of Mink seeds so he can
expand his mink farm. When he
gets mink enough for about q
thousand fur coats, then HMM me
will step around bit with the
femmes. Ito wife-Ouch)."
Here's a disgruntIed husband
here. Myi This will never do He's