The Washington times., 1937-03-25
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
BY Louis SObOl-
Diary Of a CoIyumist's
Pup!
I'm Which the column goes
to the dogSD

emotional hives today. Il don't
mind" he walls, If they sign their
names but when these spineleSs
yellow rats send in their letters
calling you names, what can you
do to them? It takes lots of moXey,
don't it, to curse someone out in a
letter and not sign your name" {.
Il know, honey" soothes the
Queen. IF they would only sign
their names, my great big, hand
some giant would go out and beat
the stuffings out of them, wouldn't
he? My brawny Tarzan would go
out and pulverize them with his
stony stare, that's what he would
do"
Brain-Drain Snarls: Il shoulda
known better than to discuss an
important problem with a woman
who doesn't understand" And
she says: Il was only teasing. l
think you take anonymous letters
too seriously. I'm sure everyone
gets them, only they have sense
enough to throw them in the waste
basket. Have you heard from Paul
Yawitz lately?" she asks, 10
change the subject.
"GOt one yesterday" he says.
"He'S just finished Million Dol.
lar Amateurs a football yarn
for r. X. O., and Grantland Rice
may be signed to play the coach.
He also writes that when he was
in Mexico last week he was bit
ten by a Black Widow spider"
The Queen says: 20, my heav-
ems, isn't that awful? l hear
death comes within six hours"
-. "It did" says Badly. The
spider kicked off half an hour
later"
Pushface receives a letter today
from an explorer friend of his,
Hendrix De Leeuw. 1t comes from
the jungles and he's surprised be-
cause De Leeuw has been back for
sometime. When he looks at the
postmark, he says: well, there's
speed for you. It's dated September
12-and here I get it March 16.
Anyway De Leeuk has promised me
a column about his experiences
with the Bush natives. 1t ought to
be hot stuff"
Personally" says the Queen
81 should like to hear something
about Hollywood. What's new
with Greta GarbO for inStance?"
and he says, Nothing, only she's
getting Sadder and Sadder each
day, l hear, especially since
March 18th when she handed
over a chunk of wampum. But
this is a giggle. Remember little
Ella Logan who complained to
you one day she'd been wearing
the same dress and tam for three
months because she couldn't
raise the price of a new frOck?"
and she says, Eyes. l thought it
was so nice and honest of her
not to be ashamed to admit it"
and he says, "WeA, here's what
Hollywood has done for her. Ella
now has a personal maid, a chat
feur, a cook, a second maid, a
gardener and a special guard
for her place in the canyon.
Heavens" screams the lady,
"ISn't that just too wonderful"
"And Nanny Self, who used to
cry for a break for his shows when
he was a press agent with the
Shuberts," continues Bumpy-face,
"he's just bought the largest house
in Beverly Hills-the one the di-
vorcing CuSackS used to own. I
Just got a letter from Jo-Jo and
he tells me Harriet Hilliard re-
fuses to go out in public because
she doesn't want the publicity de-
partment to hook her up with any,
one because it fretS OZZie Nelson.
Last time they linked her with six
different guys that she never met.
The Nat Perrins (memember her
she was Oracle Aliens secre-
tary)-well they're filling the baS,
sinet and Howard Lang, who was
married to Gwen Heller, is going
to marry Vicky Palmer next
month.
Thursday-"That Arthur Muir
rays trying to get himself rep
as a wit, guess" snarls Chronic
Anemia. why, pet?" asks the
Queen. Did he hurt your feelings
or something?" and he says: NO
body can hurt my feelings. I'm
in the Stork Club last night and
he comes over to my table and be,
gins shaking hands like he'd never
seen me for months. You're not
looking your usual SELF he says
shaking his head. What do you
mean I'm not looking mySelf?' ]
say to him, and he says: You're
looking healthy'!"
II just thought up a funny
one, tOO," says the Queen. THAT
woman shot de Chambrun be-
cause Duce company, three's a
crowd. So now they're calling
him AmOrOuS-iIini," and just
then Jerry, the canary, lets out
q long, shrill blast and Drain
Brain grOwls: THAT birds got
more sense than / thought he
had"
Friday-It seems 20 Per Cent
Right has written a paragraph
about Jack Mulhall working as ar
extra, so today he gets a hot wire
from Jack Gallagher and it says;
why not be human instead of q