The Waterbury Democrat., 1937-07-31
Today's Sport
 Parade
Bv HENRY McLEMORE tUuited Press Stan CorrespondeuU

glass eyes in bear rugs)--the Mis- sissippi chapter of the United Tire Vulcanizers' union, and Q gentle- man who once had the honor of site ting at the captains table on o Coney Island excursion boat, have a double value. When the cup races end they have only started to become useful.
 They are reversible, indestructible, fire-proof, and have interchangeful cuffs. Used as Q household guide they will bring harmony in the family, and on cooks night out they can be scrambled and served up for supper.
 Here they are:
 Anyone caught shooting ct alba tross on the course will be forced to attend all seven races, and no written excuses from mama will be accepted. There is no penalty for shooting an albatross on the wing, provided 1t Is a male albatross because they are shifty fellows and great body punchers. The male al. batross can be distinguished from the female by the fact that the male always flies on the outside and carries the bundles.
 All spectators boats must carry building blocks, mechanical con. struction sets, sand pile and Q swing for the treatment of passen- gers overcome by boredom.
 Each spectator boat must be equipped with curved binoculars to enable the customers to see the boats when they are over the hori- zon, which they usually are.
 Any ambergris found by spec- tators must be turned over to the race committee. The ambergris will be converted into perfume, which, will be used to revive hotel guests when they are presented with their bills Q tthe end of the races.
 Children under ten years of age, with the exception of Tennessee child brides, must be accompanied by their perents. Parents who bring children under ten, however, will bep romptly charged with cruel- ty to minors.
 Those spectators who, after two hours of watching 6 race, jump overheard and start swimming ashore, must not cross abaft the beam of Q contender. Those vio. lating this rule will be made to wear all summer long, c pair of long underwear made from the protest flag which the offended skipper will Immediately hoist.
 No intoxicating beverages will be sold except between the hours of midnight and noon, and noon and midnight. Kindly refrain from smoking In the lobby, guests with out luggage must pay in advance, and do not play card with strangers.
 These are the rules. Abide by them and you1l have no trouble.
 Now for 0 few vital statistics concerning the rival boats:
 The combined height of all the Endeavour sailors Is well over l26 feet. They have been trained by Arab tumblers and human pyramid builders, and in case the mast snaps can leap one on another, and the sails set on them.
 The WindWard and leeWard courses are much more scenic than the triangular courses. It is from the latter course, by the way, that the expression eternal triangle" came. They take an eternity to sail. The windward and leeward course Is more scenic because 1t is much more hilly, and wanders through the lovely old leafy, shady, steamship lanes.
 Three signals are sounded before the start of each race. The first one gives the shippers the mean Greenwich time, the nice Greenwich time, and the indifferent Qreen- wich time. The second one Is c warning to the spectators that they have only five minutes in which to escape. The third one actually starts the race, There Is c tre. mendous agitation afoot to have this trouble making bell abolished.
 Sopwith does not like c hot towel after shaving, while Vanderbilt uses an old-fashioned straight razor, and always strokes from the right to the left, instead of vice versa. Many expert think this gives Vanderbilt q decided edge in the series.
 The weather men on the boats are very important, to insure accu- racy they check the government weather report against the findings of Q ground hog, c tree with moss on one side, and Q rheumatic farm. CT. The ground hog, the tree, and the farmer compose what is tech. nically known as the "afterguard." |"
 Now you're oil set for the races. May the better boat sinki