Evening star., 1937-05-25

And Faith
Necessary
Mothers of Growing
Daughters Fail to
Control by Force.
BY ANGELO PATRI.

CHE is cranky, never wants to be
told how to do anything, and she
doesn't know how to do what other
girls her age do without thinking
about it. Lately she has turned
against me and won't even speak to
me. I'm sure I don't know what to
do with daughter like that. I only
want to do good to her. It's not for
me that I want things done right.
It's for her"
That was what mother said about
against her mother.
II just can't stand it. She seems
to think that I'm still years old, and
I'm 16. want to go out with some
of the girls and boys. just to the house
three doors down street. To people
we have known all our lives. Mother
starts. Who's going? Who else?
Sure there isn't anybody else? Well.
wish you'd stay home then I'd know
where you WERE. That's the
beginning.
What dress are you going to
wear? 1t needs pressing I knew it
needed pressing and I had out the
ironing board and the iron. Mother
snatches away the iron. Then she
takes the board and sets it up, saying,
So Now why didn't you put it there
in the frst place? Give me the iron.
I'll connect it. You might slip.
Where Is that dress2 II it's to be done
decently I'd better do it.
by that time I'm bursting with
rage. I could attend to all that
myself and with no bother at all. It's
the same with everything. don't
know anything; I can't do anything;
I'm Just helpless fool in my mothers 5
eyes. Everybody else seems to think
I'm at least normal"
This Is the adolescent battle.
Mother is anxious about many things
that the girl knows nothing about and
can know nothing about until time
and experience teach her. The girl
wants to try out her world, try herself
in various situations, experiment q
bit with life. Even the little that an
iron and an ironing board allow Is
welcome. Mother breads experiments.
She has seen some dreadful ends to
experiments, and she fears that her
daughter might be caught in one.
Affection is not lacking on either side,
but understanding Is absent-com-
pletely.
Adolescent girls, and boys as well,
feel themselves grown up in many
ways, and they are. But along with
their maturity is that part OF them
selves that Is still chlldlike. It IS
clear that, being part adult and part
child, there cannot be an even prog
ress through life. Experience and
strength and full development are on
mothers side, weakness, wavering,
indecision, uncertainty, ignorance, are
strong on the daughters side. Only
an eager will to do and to dare IS
powerful in the adolescent girl and
drives her to want to go alone and
experiment without advice or check
Somehow these two situations must
be harmonized
Affection will do that better than
any other force. If a mother has
trained her daughter to know her as
an affectionate and understanding
friend there will be no division, and
no rebellion at this stage. II that
association and understanding IS lack
ing, then 1t must be provided at the
instant. There must be compromise,
there must be affection on both sides.
Especially must there be faith and
trust and hope on the mothers part.
Faith Is the salvation Of the adoles-
cent-parental relationship.
(Copyright. 1879