Evening star., 1937-02-14

hItci OH chtnuoldstlC ucSCIlpttOn Oh
their brand-new house, her enthusiasm
runs on: 8. never have we imagined
such kind and hospitable people as
our new friends and neighbors. Have
you ever heard of newcomers being
welcomed with hot coffee and dough-
nuts almost as soon as our hats and
coats we're off? And since then we
have had flowers from the hothouse
of one, new laid eggs from another.
and this morning birthday cake in
celebration of our moving into the
neighborhood month ago.
Naturally we want to begin to
repay - as well as we can - the
kindnesses shown US, and we are CIV
ing our first dinner party next Satur-
day. The reason for the air mail stamp
on this letter is that l don't know
what to do about an upsetting service
problem.
''In each of the houses in which l,
as the stranger, have sat on the right
of the hostess at lunch, or the host
at dinner, the hostess was served
first! To believe that any of these
kind people meant discourtesy to me
is unthinkable.
But one puzzling thing is this:
One of my new friends said to me
after her own party (at which I'm
afraid my face. in spite of me, plainly
showed my abashment), that she
hoped l would forgive her rudeness
in serving herself first but that, having
grown up in the town, she felt it
would be criticizing her elders to try
to change an established custom.
whether any others feel as she does,
l don't know. And what really can't
understand - apart from how such
custom could ever have taken root
in these hospitable surroundings -
is why those who are themselves
embarrassed by this practise have not
long ago followed that of conventional
precept
But to come back to the question
of what I'd better do. The last thing
in the wide world that l would want
is to have myself considered one of
those who. coming to live in a small
town, carries New York chip on her
shoulder.
so the puzzle l bring to you to
solve is this: Must be knowingly
rude in order not to be thought rude?
And if l do force myself to put myself
first in my own house, then what is
going to happen when my neighbors
are invited to meet Aunt Jane, for
example, and notice that everything
is served to her first. whereas l have
never shown this courtesy to them?"
In answer to this letter, l must of
course agree that adaptabiity is not
only essential to social charm, but a
requirement of courtesy expected of
every visitor or newcomer. And yet
in this present case | have no choice
but to say that Mary should have her
guest of honor served first. To try to
present an argument in favor of any
other practise is impossible to one
who is fully conscious of the impolite-
ness of omitting this courtesy. In
every other situation that can think
of. it is best to do as ones neighbors
do: sup at six or dine at nine; pay
ten-minute visits or spend half day;
wear a hat in ones own house, or
take it off even at a formal lunch in
the house of another. But the hostess
who helps herself to anything whatso-
ever, before proffering first choice to
a woman who is her guest, dynamites
the very foundations of courtesy.
If Mary has every dish proffered
first las it should be) to her guest of
honor, the very worst that her neigh
bors could think of her is that she is
attempting to bring New York Gus
toms to Bright Meadows. But should
she serve herself first, much as she
might try to make herself believe she