Evening star., 1937-06-19
May
Contribute
TO Party
Certain Circumstances
Make Such a Gesture
Permissible.
BY EMILY POST.

DEAR MRS. POST: Do you think
that it is cheap for a hostess
to give party for intimate friends
and ask each one to bring something
toward the refreshment? Every one
likes to come to our house because
we have a rumpus room, which has a
good space for dancing and pool
table and other attractive games
which one couldn't ordinarily keep set
up in the living rooms Of the house
Always our friends say. ooh, don't
have anything to eat: If you'll just
let us come" Which is all right
except that my family gets hungry and
can't leave the others to 60 foraging
in our ice box I can't possibly suggest
that we go to a restaurant to eat
because this would be 10 times As
expensive as supplying our ice box
So far no one has ever suggested
bringing anything and I hesitate to
offer to contribute Just part OF supper
because they are coming to our house
where ought to supply it all-only
can't!
Answer-This would not be an easy
problem for most Of us. 1t Is true
that certain spontaneous people can
be confidingly frank under even such
circumstances without hurting the
feelings of any one and without SEEM
ing cheap" at all. They would with
laughing casualness say will you
bring this?" and will you bring
that?" and "1ll provide the other"
The only thing that most hostesses
could do. however, would be to confide
in really intimate friend who would
at some time suggest to the others
that they each in turn take something
in the way of food.
NEAR MRS. POST: II an American
goes to visit In foreign country,
should he try to follow the customs
of that particular country or follow
those OF his own country? I tried to
fit myself into the foreign pattern
lately and 4 friend with me accused
me of going high hat" and un-
American. I assure you that I had
no such intention, but always thought
one should try very hard to do this.
Answer-You are entirely right.
Perfect manners are those which do
not attract attention. The perfect
cosmopolite IS one who through long
practice has learned 20 well to match
the background Of whichever country
he is In as to be inconspicuous.
NEAR MRS. POST: Recently when
~ was in New York I went to q
store noted for selling fine linens and
was told there that II q dolly set
was beautiful enough 1t could be
used for important dinners instead
of tablecloths. We don't give really
formal dinners, but we have waitress
and q cook and our guests come In
dinner clothes. There is such a dif-
ference Of opinion here at home among
my friends about this change to
place doilies that I'd like to have
your opinion.
Answer-At the incest evening
meals possible to give-and in this
category I also include the most FASH
ionable-doilies are used. These, more
over, permit butter plates and cream
soup cups, and in the vernacular OF
today the meal Is more often than not
called dinner" It cannot possibly
be called = formal dinner with any
Of the three appointments that have
just named. On the other hand,
dinner party Is, accurately speaking,
formal in about one case in . thou
sand, 80 wouldn't worry about the
word formal If were you.
X X 4
,nEAR MRS. POST: I've always
taken 1t for granted that candles
should not be used on q lunch table
whether they are burned or not. A
friend tells me you wrote recently In
answer to letter that If the room was
dark enough 80 that artificial lighting
was necessary they could be included
on the lunch table. Is this true, and II
50, do you mean that it Is good taste
to draw the curtains and make the
room dark enough to make candle
light necessary? I don't believe you
meant that at all, but she insists.
AnsWer-I meant that If ones dining
room opens on = court or narrow yard
and has no Light (Which in the coun.
try wouldn't be likely candles are
used at lunch when they are neces-
sary. On the other hand, II the room
has an overhead chandelier or in
direct lighting which sufnciently
lights the table, 1t would be better
to omit the candles.
tcopyrixR, 1879