Evening star., 1937-12-12

stairs was the Governments latest
idea. ut save you from bringing the
wood up the cellar steps. All you has
to do is jes bring de wood down de
cellar steps. But ah has improved on
that-ah jes keeps it in de Frigum-
aire."
208-Year Mortgage.
Fetchit also explained that the
cabin cost the Government $28, 900 and
the land 81 more, and he had a mort
gage arranged for paying of in 2os
years.
That's bad" said the Duke. But
Fetchit replied, mo, dat's good. Amt
everybody can sure count on livin'
20s yeahs like ah got to do"
Suddenly part Of the cabin COL
lapsed under a gust Of wind, but
Fetchit assured the White House over
the telephone that everything was
all right, THE ventilation of de cabin
is perfect"
The seven pillars of wisdom formed
the subject of the next skit. In frock
coats and long white boards, carrying
their names on placards, appeared
Haywood Broun, Walter Lippmann,
Gen. Hugh S.. johnson, Westbrook
Pegler, David Lawrence. Mark Sulli-
van and Miss Dorothy Thompson. A
demonstration was given of how regi-
mented they were. At the order of
Columns right" all but Broun side
stepped to the right. At the order
Columns left" Broun side-stepped
to the left, while the others remained
where they were. The announcer
threw up his hands in disgust and
left the stage.
''Whatsa the malta Of him-got
ants in his pants? Haw, haw, haw,"
shouted Gen. johnson.
Mark Sullivan, who played his own
part, said: Il should say, rather, that,
having performed, with dignity, the
duty with which he was intrusted, he
has, with becoming modesty, with
drawn from the stage. He recognizes.
and it does credit to his intelligence,
that the stage, the American stage,
today is ours"
johnson shouted: 'Whatsa matter
Of you? Got ants in your pants?
Haw. haw. haw"
Lippmann started to explain the
situation, but Pegler gave him q
Bronx cheer. In fact, Pegler gave
everybody and everything a Bronx
cheer as the scene developed.
Miss Thompson Pipes Up"
Miss Thompson piped up, las one
who loves the Preslden. -"
But johnson interrupted. Nobody
loves the President as much as / do"
The dialogue continued:
Miss Thompson: "All was going
to say was that we women"
Pegler: Il don't like women"
johnson: Yes, sir, of all the people
ever deserted-that is, that ever
deserted mel love Roosevelt, boo,
hoop'
Sullivan: There. there, general.
I once loved a President But find,
IN this life, you can't have every
thing"
Pegler: Il hate everything. And
everybody"
johnson: But he has got ants In
his pants!'
Lippmann: I'm England, I am con-
vinced, they do these things better"
johnson suddenly grabbed at the
seat OF his pants, and made an exit
from the stage, yelling. Miss Thomp-
son, in delight. cried: Hes got ants
in his pants. haw, haw, haw."
Upon a desert island was discovered
the long lost crew of the good ship
| G. o. p, which sank in the New Deal
hurricane. To the tune Sailing" .
chorus Of old Republicans in the rags
OF cast-a-ways sang this song:
Drifting, drifting, over the open sea,
We went aground when people found
We had no policy.
Shipwrecked, shipwrecked, on q desert
isle are we;
o who will come to take VI home
And save the G. o. PIP"
Chairman Hamilton said 1t was
time to escape from the island. Ad-
miraS Hoover and Landon were in
quired about by Senator Borah and
Hamilton said: They've gone around
the island to hunt q microphone"
The Republican chorus registered ap-
prehension. Borah spoke up: If they
start broadcasting again you needn't
start rescuing me-"
To the tune Of Gust One Word OF
Consolation" Republican sang .
song which ended:
If to silent meditation
Herbert Hoover would agree,
And If Landon would do likewise,
We could save the q. o. p"
At this moment the missing ad-
mirals appeared. Although they
shaded their eyes with their hands
they could see nothing over the sea.
So to the tune Of "Harbor Lights"
they tried duet.
Where are the harbor lights
Which used to guide the grand old
party,
The same old harbor lights
Which shine for you and me-"
Youth Takes Over.
Just then La Guardia and Thomas
Z. Dewey, new Republican district At
torney in New York, with . crowd Of
young Republican youth movement
members took over the center Of the
stage The music struck up, why DO
Dream Those Dreams" and the two
newcomers sang Is follows:
La Guardia:
see the White House just at 3,
The table where they dine In state,
Spaghetti on the White House plate
Why do dream those dreams?
Dewey:
Sc the White House just at 3.
zee = laree-Sized company;
see them shaking hands with me-
Why do ! dream those dreams7
La 0uardia:
Look here. my friend, ITS up to you
To tell US what did Dewey do,
For I'm the one who pulled you