Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1937-01-28
Liahts Of NewXork
BY STEVENSON

MCI CildIlOlSIIlS ID SiitA ely OuS VI
your correspondents line. Neverthe-
less, he feels called on to suggest
market to manufacturers of cough
remedies. Observation covering
period of years leads to the convic-
ton that New York theater au-
diences offer a vast and apparently
uncultivated field. The latter asser-
ton is based on the number
of coughers per audience. Volume
might also be an indicator but UNI
fortunately no decibel meter has
been available so that cannot be
stated positively. But be that as it
may, the market offers another in
ducement to the enterprising. Those
who are aff1uent enough to pay
$3.50 a seat certainly are in a finan-
cial state to be able to afford
quarter or so for lozenges or liquids
that would, if not cure, at least
serve as mufflers. Also, there are
many ermine coat wearers as well
as wearers of sables and silver
foxes, and if that doesn't indicate
ready money, then it's just too bad.
Breaking down the market into
sections, it is your correspondent
belief that the Theater guild au-
diences offer the best prospects.
There are some mighty able cough
ers among the Guilds subscribers
or occasional customers. They are
excellent in their timing also. For
instance, when lines are incense
quential, there are only mild, scat
tered coughs These are mere warm
ing up coughs, however, for the gen.
eral volley which comes with punch
lines. The more important the lines
to the action and general under
standing, the better the coughing.
That such should hold true in pro-
auctions other than those of the
Guild is a sad but indubitable fact.
It is much like radio in the days
of the head set and listening for
distance - a burst of static always
came just when the announcer was
giving the call letters.
Passing from coughs to onions,
your correspondent noted that the
growers of the tear-bringing veg
etable want to popularize the onion
breath. According to that which
your correspondent noted in one of
the daily journals that meet his eye
so often, the growers were going
about it in a shrewd manner. In
stead of attempting to devise some
deodorant, they would solve the
problem by having everybody eat
onions. Thus, with everybody's
breath loaded up with onion per-
fume, nobody would notice it on the
other fellow. Speaking as one who
loves his scallionS but is often forced
to forego them because his work
necessitates contact with his fellow
man, your correspondent thinks it
sane and sensible idea. If nothing
else were accomplished, it would
make riding in the subway more of
a pleasure than it is at present. Still,
there would be the garlic aroma.
Another thing that appeals to your
correspondent is the attempt that
is being made to shorten hours of
New York's firemen. Under the pres
ent set-up, they are required to put
in "a hours a week. That is, during
seven days, they are off duty only
"a hours. Also, in order to get day
off, it is necessary for a fireman to
work "a hours straight. That means
of course that, after such trick, he
is apt to spend most of his holiday
sleeping instead of having a little
fun, getting acquainted with his
family or enjoying the company of
friends. The New York fire depart
ment is a fire fighting organization
of high efficiency. But it isn't
machine. AS matter of fact, most
machinery gets more than 81 hours
off week. So, it's your correspond
ent's hope that something will be
done about the matter.
One way to bring about the iden-
LITIGATION of a hold-up man is to
bite him. That discovery was made
by the proprietor of Brooklyn can
dy store. When three boys came in
to rob him, though one fired sew
eral shots, the candy man grappled
with one of the lads and sank his
teeth into his hand. The robbers got
away with the money in the drawer
but later detective off duty caught
the bitten one-and the tooth-marks
in his hand cinched the candy mans
Identification.
Subway eavesdropping: "Say, he's
so high-hat he won't speak to no.
body except his press agent"
q Bell Syndicate.-WNU Service.