The Washington times., 1937-03-18
THE VOICE OF
Broad way
BY Louis SObOl-
Diary Of a CoIyumist's
Pup!


ard write an autobiography"
and he says, "Yes-can you
imagine-74 years old and he sits
down and tosses it off. I've been
reading it and 1 only wish he'd let
me run some Of tits full of
meat for the column. Married
seven times-get that-wrote 400
songs and about 20 musical come
dies. Did you know he wrote I
Wonder Who's Kissing Her Now
and Goodbye, My Lady Love-
and What's the Use of Dream
ing?' and others like that?"
The Queen says, mo, I didn't
know, but he must be a wonderful
old fellow" And PuShface says:
wonderful? Why, he was bigger
than Irving Berlin when Jack
Benny was playing a fiddle in an
orchestra in the Barrison Theater,
which Howard was running"
WedneSday-He has a letter
from the Cameo Theater which
is very hurt because he limited
that a picture, "Razumov," play
ing there is put out by a French
subsidiary of UFA which is Nazi
company and Emanuel Eisenberg
tells him he's all wet because it
Is a completely French picture
with French actors. The Queen
yawnS while he's telling her this
and I yawn, too.
"What'S this I've been read
ing in the Hollywood Reporter
and Variety about three COM
panies bidding for your book,
Gay NinetieS'?" And he says,
cit amt three companies; it's
only one" And she says, 81
didn't know you had written
another book. Are you keeping
secrets from me?" And Cellu-
lOid- Chin says: 81 haven't writ
ten it-Only the outline, and 1
happened to tell Gene TOwne
about it, and he told some
people in Hollywood, and that's
how it spread"
when do they draw those
sweepstakes winners?" asks the
Queen, and Dyspepsia growls,
''Why? You don't expect to VIM"
.. Eyes, I do," says she. "The
fortune teller told me So" He
lets out a roar and hoWlS, mi
godd, do we have to go through
that again about fortune tellers?
Ha, ha, ha." And the Lady draws
herself up stiffly and says:
when I win, don't come to me
and expect me to share any of
it with you" And he says:
what! You mean after all these
years my slaving so you can have
a roof over your head you're not
going to share with me out Of
all that money!" And she says:
'No-not a nickel. Not a penny,
because the way you act" and
they start throwing remarks back
at each other, so run off.
They've kind Of patched up to-
day, because the Queen giggled
and says, Good Lord, the way
we're fighting over my money,
which I haven't won yet, is so
silly" And he growlS, "It's the
principle of the thing that burns
me up. That guy was right who
said wife is someone who stands
by you in troubles you wouldn't
have if you hadn't married her"
She says, isn't it horrible
these old men marrying little
girls Of 9 and 1902" And he says,
When I was q kid, all the girls
wanted to marry a man like their
daddy-now they do it!" He feels
very good after pulling this one
and later he says: Gee, that was
q pip. think I'll use it in my
column" And the Queen MUIR
murs: IT just read where woman
collected 100000 for plagiarism. "
He looks at her sourly and barkS:
"What do you mean by that
crack?" But by this time she's
chirping to Jerry, the canary.
Friday-Constant Drool is point
ing to an article about him in the
magazine Cue which someone
named Otis Chatfield Taylor has
written and she says: "Well, I've
gotta a bigger surprise for you.
Natalie has been writing a gossip
column for her school magazine.
Well, they tossed it out because
they said they didn't want the
Broadway influence in conser-
vative school so what do you think
was the first thing they used as
a substitute today? Here-take
a look!" Bleary-Eye takes the
paper and then he grins because
in place of Natalie'S column they
have a long piece about him and
how he gathers his Broadway
stuff. Annie" says the Queen,
''please throw all his hats away.
He'll need larger ones now
"I thought" she says, "yOu
were supposed to work with Gene
Towne and Graham Baker on
Walter Wanger'S Fifty-SecOnd
Street?'" And he says: "Well,
Gene and Graham have gone
over to Daryl Zanuck on a spe-
cial assignment, and Grover
Jones is going to work on it alone
in Hollywood And she says:
"I think he's awfully smart"
Big.Head says, "Sure, he's one
of the SmarteSt writer's in Holly.
woodruff nobody knows Swing
Lane like I do" The Lady says,
maybe, darling - but perhaps
nobody knows his moving pic
lures and public like Grover
Jones'"
Sunday-The Queen says: II see
where they're going to draw the