The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1937-11-12

handshake, the neck Irwin S. Cobb
embrace, the Shout
der-slap, the bear-hug, the gift of
remembering every voter by his first
name, and the affectionate inquiry
regarding the wife and kiddies.
When he kisses a baby, it sounds
like somebody taking off a pair of
wet overshoes. Usually has wealth
erbeaten wife needing a new hat.
Strutty candidate who's constantly
leading an imaginary parade of
$4,000 faithful followers. Loves to
poke his chest away out and then
follows it majestically down the
street. A common or standardized
species.
Biblical Wisdom.
IN THE Book of Nahum, Chapter
L II, 1 came upon this verse:
''The chariots shall rage in the
streets, they shall jostle one against
another in the broad ways; they
shall seem like torches, they shall
run like the lightnings."
Those Old Testament prophets
certainly peered long way into the
future. Because I travelled by night
through main thoroughfare leading
from Los Angeles to the sea and
vice versa, and l knew what Nahum
was describing.
But not even an inspired seer of
the Bible could imagine a record of
traffic mortality so CHASTITY as the
one we've already compiled in this
year of grace 1887 A. D. (automo-
bile destruction)-or a people so
speed-mad.
How to Fight Japs.
wv HENEVER we have JAP
w anese war scare, think of
Uncle Lum Whittemore, back in
west Kentucky, who loved to dis
pense wisdom as he hitched one
practiced instep on a brass rail and
with his free hand fought the resi-
dent flies for the tidbit of free lunch
which he held in his grip.
One day a fellow asked Uncle
Lum, who had served CALAMITY in
the Southern Confederacy until
very hard rainstorm came up, what
he'd do if the yellow peril boys in
vaded America.
''I'd hunt me hollow tree in the
deep woods" he said. eyes, son,
the owls would have to fetch me my
mail. I been readin' up on them
Japs. They're fatalists."
'What's a fatalist?" demanded
someone.
'Near ez kin make OUT" stated
the veteran, ga fatalist is party
that thinks you're dom him a deep
pussonal favor when you kill him."
Hollywood Fashions.
ONE envious style expert says
Hollywood fashions are too gar
ish. If he's talking about Hollywood
males, I say they're just garish
enough. If they were any more
garish than they are, visitors would
have to wear binders, and if they
were any less garish, Italian sunsets
would stand a chance in the COM
petition. And want the champion
ship to stay in America.
Billy Gaxton picks out something
suitable for a vest to be worn to
fancy dress party and then has a
whole suit made out of it. Bob
Montgomery ties are the kind that
/ buy in moments of weakness and
then keep in bureau drawer be-
cause I'm not so brave as Bob is;
and also / keep the drawer closed
because ! can't stand those sudden
dazzling glares. And Bing Crosby
is either color-blind or thinks every
body else is. But his grooming is
mighty soothing. And so it goes
red, pink, green, purple, orange,
sky-blue and here and there dash
of lavender. A-
Our local boys gladden. the land
scape with the sort of clothes I'd
wear, too-only my wife won't let
me. Stop, look, listen! That's our
sartorial motto, and these jealous
designers back east can kindly 60
jump in dye-pot.
IRWIN s. COBB.
G-wNU Service.