The Washington times., 1937-01-07

public service OF Or. Cnet Sna1er
F. r. s., G. H. O., L. L. D., and
8. o. s.
It was about 10 years ago that
Dr., Shafer resolved to do some
thing about the preservation Of
two American institutions, the
cigar store Indian and the cast
iron deer and dogs Of the front
lawns of our Victorian grand
fathers. And the organization OF
the Guild Of Former Pipe Organ
bumpers grew, most logically and
reasonably, from that ideal.
Who, indeed, should be more
interested in the preservation for
posterity of the caStiron wild life
of America and the wooden cigar
store Indian Of America than the
men who, as young boys, hand
pumped the pipe organs in their
native towns? Not long ago. as
an honorary member of this re-
markable group, I was privileged
to attend an annual meeting. The
topic for the evening (often lost
or obscured by other burning
ouestions) was nothing less than
the issue so manhandled between
DR.. H. L. Mencken and the funda-
mentalStS:
"ShouId the sex life Of the
eigar-EtOre Indian be limited?"
STORMY QUESTION
Henry, any reader will recall,
insists that the cigar-store Indian
should be utterly unrestricted in
his sex life, whereas the funda-
mentaliSts assert angrily that it
must be rigidly controlled. Ber.
nard Shaw, oddly enough, sides
with the fundamentalists, al
though Mr.. Mencken has the un-
qualified support Of "One-Eyed"
Connolly.
At all events, this question
made a stormy affair OF the an
nual meeting, and after hours OF
bitter controversy, it remained as
undetermined as before. On top
of it came the almost equally,
bitter division of opinion as to
whether the guild should ANAL
gamate with the Society for the
Preventing of Calling Pullman
PorterS George. This proposition
was put forward by DR.. Chet
Shafer, F.. r. S., G. H. O., and
S. o. S., and hotly opposed by an
element of the guild led by Roy
McCardell, the humorist. The
principal address was delivered by
the Grand Diapason of the Guild
Of Former Pipe Organ bumpers,
DR.. Shafer.
The appearance Of this gentle
man-hiS physical aspects suf-
1iciently remarkable to warrant
special mention. He lacks Just
one and three-quarters inches of
being feet tall, yet his weight
is exactly ia pounds. He has
appeared in various well.known
motion pictures Of the better sort,
supporting Greta GArbo, Dolores
del Rio, Gloria Swanson and other
screen sirens.
BY profession, DR.. Shafer is a
trout ticker, probably the most
erudite trout ticker in the world.
He is 50 ranked by DR.. Ray
mond L. DitmarS, ichthyologiSt
and reptilian expert. This re-
markable personality began his
address by outlining the program
Of the guild for the current year.
There was work ahead, said DR..
Shafer. which was fully as i'm
portant as any labor Of the past,
not excluding the astounding
achievement in furnishing nose
rings for American-bred goldfish.
In his vivid and colorful way,
the great trout ticker proposed
that for the coming year the
guild devote its energies toward
rescuing and taking steps to pre-
serve the remains of the once
numerous and glorious caStiron
wild animal life Of America.
at is well known, but little
regarded" said DR.. Shafer, ''that
only . few years ago the lawns
Of our rich men-and even the
front yards of the less success
ful-were decorated with fer.
rOuS fauna. AS we StrOlled BY
on Sunday afternoons, we gazed
enviOuSly upon the great cast
iron stays, maStiffS, wolves or
even horses that graced these
lawns. But where are these noble
objects Of American art now,
these memories Of the late Ham.
burg-American Period?
DETECTIVES
T propose that this society or.
ganiZe a Safari, WelI-condltiOned
and equipped, which shall go on
an expedition to rescue such of
this caSt-irOn wild animal life as
may stil1 be in existence and
that, when certain specimens
have been recovered, that they
be preserved in perpetuity in q
national park, such as the
Yosemite or Yellowstone, for
the eternal pleasure and deIecta-
tiOn Of the American people,
than whom there are no grander
people on Gods fOOtstOOl, as
George Washington said in his
farewell address,"
Roy L. McCardell followed DR..
ehafer upon the speakers stand,
although not to the hospital. He
offered himself as a patron Of
the forthcoming expedition.
II offer 500 in lawful legal
tender Of the United States"
said DR.. McCArdell, "fOr . speci-
men 7 beheld upon 3 brewers