The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1937-10-28
s Sport
& Wags
PAGE EIGHT
BY Chuck Rattle

Wnyn tCna give tteLZel q break
Have / heard that before? Well,
should smile I have. You birds have
thrown that up to me until thi:
erring columnist bushes with
shame at the raw deal handed tC
our near-great son. So to save my
face and incidentally to do HetzeI
a little favor I publish what fol
lows. From the frozen tundra
comes the voice in the wilderness
But the soaring remarks are not
for this columniSt's reddening ears;
they're for some of you boys who
have said-Whyn'tcha give Hetzel a
break. Shall we let Wilfred carry
on: Il quote, believe that's the
familiar opening).
Having had my first request for
a uniform refused me by the Sank
Centre commercial heads, am not
humbling myself before them
again. If they want to pass up this
excellent chance to cash in on
some advertising for their small
(get that small, boys) city which is
mine also they will have occasion
to regret it; however, they will not
be able to say that I didn't give
them the first chance to capitalize
on my act. Under the circum-
stances, no one would blame me for
transferring my advertising power
to a more appreciative city, but it is
my intention to heap Goals of fire
on the heads of those business men
who have Disseminated against me.
All have asked was a basketball
outfit which would have required
an outlay of only Is dollars. know
there must have been merchants
in Sank Centre who would have
been willing to cooperate in getting
it for me and it is for their sakes
that I shall flaunt my wizardry in
New York and other large eastern
cities. For them and the bulk of
people in Sank Centre will I unfurl
such a display of fancy and unor-
thodox sharpshooting that even
New Workers will be dazzled by it."
Unquote).
IF I may rush in here and
add that Hetzel has practically
scratched his mOnicker on
contract guaranteeing him an
appearance in Madison Square
Garden; the essence of his
dreams come true.
To continue: "a sample of to
what unprecedented heights my
stunts may reach this season was
revealed last week when I scored 4
straight one-handed bounce free
throws from the floor at the athlet-
ic building, thereby eclipsing my
former worlds record of 3 in a
row. Before Nat Holman (out there
in the East I scored % out of %
two-handed foulshots on my
knees"
Garry on, Wilfred: while in
Gotham / contacted one of Bob
Ripley's underlings who is sold
on the idea that many of my re-
cords are first class material
for Ripley's Believe 1t or Not
cartoons. He gave me a special
blank and envelope to use In re
cording the necessary data
while I will also have to send
him a picture of myself In
shooting stance"
This being about act four. and
still no appearance of the villain,
may I make my appearance? Only
I shall be the villain that went
straight, turned out all right in the
end and aided our hero in a stupen-
dous rags to riches rise to fame.
Herewith I print a list of Hetzeps
most dazzling records. Why? Be
cause he needs the clippings for his
Ripley cartoon.
70 straight free goals on left foot
with left eye shut, 96 out Of 100.
SO straight goals on left foot, 95
out of 100.
So straight on right foot, 95 out of
100.
80 straight on left foot with both
eyes shut, 90 out of 100.
81 straight on left foot with both
eyes shut, 80 out of 100.
80 straight goals one-handed on
right foot and 81 out Of 100.
% straight with both eyes shut
and 88 out of 100.
26 in a row on both knees, IS out
of 100.
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