The Waterbury Democrat., 1937-05-13

and rolled 'em into a bundle and taking along a broom under the impression that 1t was mus ket, toted it all down stairs to tn kitchen, which he mistook for tn rolling prairies of tn West. There he set up a tent with chairs and a bed-quilt in front of the old fireplace, whose warmth and cheer had impressed him so fav- orably with the climate: and tn little chap had actually lain down to sleep in his strange quarters when tn Squire, whose bedroom opened into tn kitchen, hearing noise out there, got up and went to tn door to investigate-And when he saw what twas, he stood in tn doorway watching t see what tn youngster was up to- And then when Oliver, s'posing his dad t be Injun, rushed at him with tn broom, the Squire got to laughing so hard that he hadn't strength to defend him. self; and Oliver, who was fight ing for dear life, as he s'posed, got the best of the Squire-And no knowing what would have happened if Mrs. Bangs and tn rest of tn family hadn't come to the rescue-and got Oliver woke up and sent skedaddling back up stairs with his emigrant outfit.
 But such cases were hardly worth mentioning in thos edays," continued Uncle Bill'. tilting his chair back, biting off fresh chew of tobacco. and surveying his "First-clasS, high toned sonlnambulists generally made bee-line for tn roof, and kept tn community where they resided in chronic state of nerv- ous postration with their thrilling and blood-curo1 ling p'formances on the ridge poles.
 By rights l ought t be some thing of connoisseur. as you might say, on tn subject; for my old dad-though he wasn't so very old 'nuther'-was one of tn most celebrated somnambulists in tn State of Connecticut. Many and many was tn time my moth- er-bless her!-has come to my bed at dead O night and whis- per'd in my ear tn only words in tn whole Webster's unabridg'd that had tn power t fetch me wide awake in an instant. all cf a tremble an eyes as big as saul cers-'Quick! quick! Billie! Faith CTS on tn roof again!'
 How it all comes back. I can see 1t now. The terrified little family group hastily assembled down in tn cabbage patch, with pale upturn'd faces watching tn head as support of tn family p'forming unearthly stunts up there on tn ridgepole-his scanty attire flut'ring ghost-like in tn night wind. And father was nat urally tn modestesS of men. And we not daring t make sound nor scarcely breathe tn breath of life for fear of waking him up too sudden an causing him t come pitching down with a sickening thud among his widow and or phans.
 But the most narrowing an agonizing night of all was tn time dad took tn baby with him up on tn roof and for half an hour that seemed an eternity, tn Big Dipper-up in tn sky and we children and mother-bless her! - and the neighbors, watch ing in silence and horror down in tn vegetable garden. And when he did finally come down, just before tn break of day, bring ing tn baby back safe and sound his big blue eyes wide open an looking wond'ringly around-why, then, of course, mother just knelt right down amongst tn cucumbers an cabbages an said prayer and tainted dead away.
 But when dad woke up an realized the peril he'd put tn baby init gave him such shock that it wound up his career as an ac- tive isomnambulist; but there were plenty of others to take his place an keep up tn reputation of tn town.
 "There was Deacon Jackson, for instance, whose favorite place for perambulating in his sleep was tn ridgepole of tn Baptist church: though he wasn't com- municant of that denomination at all-he being free and shout ing Methodist. This gave rise to some feeling and criticism. But you see tn Methodist meeting house didn't begin t have as steep a roof as tn Baptist did, and wasn't risky enough for thor oughbred somnambuliSt like the deacon.
 Widow Spooner, who was also a somnambulist, went up there, too, once in a while: which was proper enough in her case-she being of family of hard-shell Baptists from away back to Jonah nd the Whale. And one bright moonlight night didn't tn both or lem happen to be up there on tn. roof at tn same time! And tn whole scared an scandalized town watching 'em from down among tn Baptist graves. And no mat ter how bad y stubbed VT toe, or what bit y'-or how much y itched or wanted t sneeze- y dassnt make a sound or you'd wake 'em up an down they'd come ker- plunk to their death.
 "Never in all my born days have I seen anybody come s near los- ing their temper as Mrs. Jackson did that night; but of course somnambulists ain't t blame for what they do, nor for tn company they keep. They don't make dates. In tn realm of sleep, as tn poet says, there's no chart or com pass, nor common or eccliastical law, nor rules of etiquette or dress conventions.
 ITO my dying day I'll never for oat hnu th, twO nf lem looked