Carbon County news., 1937-10-22
WALLUM'S
SOLEMN
COLUMN
BY EVERETT WALLUM.

by EVEHETT WALLUM-
| Now that the Gay Nineties, play
OF last week, has been trundled off
the stage, what say, boys, we put
on another drammer. Now, get:
away from me, boy, you bother me.
Yes, folks, let's put on a play.
How about a one act play? The
act being the audience getting up
and leaving.
II we could get some good nic-
otlne guzzler to expectorate on the
highway from here to Billings. we
could present Tobacco Road. (Yes
and if you shut up we could give
Silence Becomes electric.-Ed.)
BUT WE LIKE THE THEME
OF WHERE IS MY WONDER
ING BOY. TONIGHT" THE BOY,
OF COURSE IS AT COLLEGE
AND WONDERING WHEN THE
FOLkS ARE GOING TO SEND
HIM ANY MONEY so HE CAN
PAY HIS LAUNDRY AND THE
JEWELER.
Gail Nelson will play the part
OF the boy in college. Ethel Van
Hoose will play the part of the
father, just to make things little
odd, and Floyd Gebo can be the
mother. (Let someone else be the
mother for orce-we're tired of
the job. We want to be a broken
arm in the next play so we can
really be N a cast.) !
While Gail is in a night club,
squandering his dough. right and
left Che pays the money with his
right hand and snatches it back
with his left), his poor parents are
sitting by the fireside, their heads
together Cooked in battle?-Ed.).
Ethel, who was picked for this
part because she has the hoose
rent to pay, growls at the good
wife, and Floyd is startled out of "
a roaring snore. GO put some
wood on the fire, you lazy womanl"
Ethel snarls, Immediately going
back to sleep.
AFTER REPLENISHING THE
FIRE WITH THE DINING ROOM
SET GIVEN THEM BY UNCLE
GLEN, FLOYD THUMBS THRU /
LETTERS. FROM GAIL. GAIL
WANTS A COOKIE WITH RAJ
SINS IN IT, A BASS DRUM +
SOS HE CAIN BEAT THE SKIN /.
A BLONDE, A RED 7
HEAD, A 200 SCORE IN BOWL 4
ING, A YODELING VOICE, AND !:
A MILLION DOLLARS. "
Don't like to pamper the boy"
mutters Floyd under his breath, Il
but there's no use being lliggard- b
ly. I think TIL send him a wrapper /
from stick of gum. It smells good 4
and he can give it to one of them
dippery cOw-eds."
Floyd comes to another letter
and mama's face becomes grave.
Cad, this is worse than mutiny,"
he clasps, muscles twitching and
face ,livid with alarm, 'tI'll have
TO consult paw about this"
HE ROUSES ETHEL WITH A
TAP ON THE HEAD WITH THE
KITCHEN STOVE. "MIGAWD, !.
WAKE UP! HERE'S ANOTHER
LETTER FROM GAIL AND HE 4
WANTS SOMETHING ELSE.". 7
ETHEL ASKS WHAT 1T IS.
tB0OKS" HOWLS FLOYD. =
ETHEL GROWS PALE. "BUT
MAW", SHE MANAGES TO 4
WHISPER, "WHY DOESN'T HE B
USE THE BOOKS WE PROMIS- /
ed HIM LAST YEAR?" 4
EDDIE PELo MARCHES IN
WITH ANOTHER LETTER. ~
''I could tell you what's in it," I
le announces stoutly, "but it's
Ig'in my principals" What prin-
'iples?, the honest couple ask. 4
Principal C r. Schmidt and Prin-
'ipal Frank Ward" adroitIy comes !
,ack Eddie, who can't be caught I
hat easy. He raps them both =.
across the wrists and .
caves. I
BOTH ETHEL AND FLOYD
HESITATE TO OPEN THE LET !.
GR. THEY PONDER. FLOYD !.
FINALLY TEARS OPEN THE /.
Flap AND, PRESPIRATION B
FLOWING FROM HIS NOBLE
SPELLS OUT THE
II.
''Why, paw, our son wants a h
d
MOT A HAIRCUT, SURELY"
EXCLAIMS PAW, eth Ell S. q
FACE WHITE. u.