Carbon County news., 1937-06-25
WALLUM'S
SOLEMN
COLUMN
BY EVERETT WALLuM
TOURIST DIRECTORY.

TOURIST DIRECTORY
The court house may not look so
hot from the outside, but it houses
a wealth of celebrities, not to mem
tion an amazing collection of od-
dities. To your left as you
stumble in you will find Floyd
Gebo's finger. Attached to it is
Mr.. GebO, though sometimes Floyd
wishes he wasn't attached to it as
the digit occasionally pains dread
fully. IF You don't believe it Just
look at the bandage on the finger,
in itself a work of art. In the
clerk of courts office you will find
Ted Schmitz who will be only too
glad to tell You about the B. p. A.
O. B. d. r. benevolent and Pro-
tectiVe Association of Bull Durham
Rollers). Ted may even be pur-
suaded to roll one for your de-
lightful edificatiOn. It's sight,
folks. and rivals the Red Lodge
highway in thrills. Step into the
sheriff's office and you will see
Jack McFate's beautiful rOdeO hat.
Under the hat you will find Nc
Fate, who will be only too glad to
show you his prize rOgue's gallery
and his calendar. If you are real
nice Jack won't put you in Jail,
which is too bad as lots of tour
lists have commented apprOvingly
of the bastile. Then you lust must
see Judge SandersOn who is noted
for the courteous and gentlemanIy
manner in which he passes SEN
tences. In fact lots Of people do
something wrong just to get SEN
fenced by Mr.. SandersOn.
Stop at the city jail, too, but if
there's more than two of you, we
doubt if the place will hold you
ALL.
AS YOU APPROACH THE
CITY YOU WILL NOTICE A
w ATER TANK. WE JUST
MENTIONED THAT TO SHOW
YOU THERE rs WATER HERE.
Then you should drink some of
our city water. That water is so
pure that only one drink of it is
needed to turn you from an apache
into an evangelist.
One of the musts on your list
is the 'FSee EN- Alive" zoo. The
animals inNthere are so wild that
they eat the cages. Don't be con-
tent, however, with just looking at
the animals. Ask to see D. Colum-
bus feathered hat and you'll
wonder how come the admission is
so reasonable.
DON'T FAIL TO SHAKE
HANDS WITH JOE YELICH.
THEN YOU CAN PROUDLY
SAY TO YOUR CHILDREN:
"YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE
ME BUT SHOOK THE HAND
THAT UPSET THE WORLD IN
BOWLING"
One of the outstanding treats is
going into local saloon and listen
to some of the stories being told.
But don't tell THOSE to your chill
dren.
Don't laugh at the natives that
hang around the pOstOffice all day.
It's no laughing matter. And
don't start getting the epidemic
yourselves. We have hard enough
time finding IOafng places for our
own citizens.
IF ANYONE TRIES TO SELL
YOU MOUNT MAURICE, PAY
NO ATTENTION AS THE
SALESMAN rs A CROOK OF
THE DEEPEST DYE. WE
BOUGHT THE UNTAIN
LAST WEEK.
Red Lodge looks after her tour
lists. We've even got Beartooth
Plunge, which is different from a
Wall Street plunge in that it
doesn't leave you high and dry.
They'll let you look at the dis
tillery, but you can't get into the
bonded warehOuse-nOt by a Jug
full.
IF YOU WANT TO FEEL LE-
GAL, JUST TAKE A WALK ON
THE BENCH,
Well, that's enough tourist guild
ance for one day. IF you want to
know more look up Information
Car No. 62,971.
HO hum period.
PARK THEATRE
SUN. MON. TUES,
JUNE m 28 49,.
.,,AA1 ngsIe1t Gls 10 o.
- IIIfr.