Evening star., 1937-12-27

Herewith this observer ventures the
first presentation on any stage, screen
or printed page Of an up-to-th the minute
fantasy entitled Hail. Columbia. Jappy
Land-The Follies Of 1885," a potpourri
of pacifist piffle inspired by impending
events in the House Of Representatives.
1t has not been passed by the censors.
The whimsy opens with the haunting
chorus of the theme song, "On the Banks
of the Yangtze":
The moon is shining bright along the
Yangtze.
Across the river Jap machine guns
are at play.
Out the sky there zooms the gentle
roar of aircraft.
On the banks of the Yangtze far
away!"
As the curtain ascends the cabinet Is
deep in discussion of issues which pre-
occupied the special session of Congress.
The momentous controversy over the
relative merits Of Maine and Idaho po-
tatoes having been settled, an even
graver crisis had arisen regarding the
rival virtues of the grapefruit produced
in various States Jesse Jones. Jack
Garner and Tom Connally were threat
ening a Lone Star bolt from the New
Deal unless et"-"delicious
without sugar"-were officiAlly declared
the Republics favorite breakfast vita
min. F1oridas champion. Senator Pep
per, despite the unappetizing connota-
ton OF his name, sternly demanded
primacy for the golden spheroid for
which the Alligator State claims the
rights Of pioneer growers. Hiram john
son had organized a battalion of death
to fight to the irreconcilable last for the
naming Of CALIFORNIA; product as the
peoples choice. Finally Senator Ashurst,
acclaiming Arizona grapefruit as the
squirtless variety Luther Burbanked to
thwart the dry cleaning racket. con-
tended that it alone deserves the crown.
In the midst of cabinet debate on q
proposal by Representative Ludlow,
Democrat, of Indiana to solve the juicy
problem by holding . national grape
fruit referendum, on the model Of his
recently enacted war referendum, White
House Secretary Steve Early bursts
breathlessly into the room.
Early-Chief, Navy wireless sreports
the Japanese battle fleet has left for
the Philippines and is now within six
hours OF Manila. It is conveying 100,000
troops. Admiral Leahy and Admiral
Hepburn await your instructions!
The Observation-Disclosures are ready,
but not for them. Secretary Hull will be
directed to start the machinery now
provided under the Twenty second
Amendment to the Constitution. After
consultation with the Governors of the
States I will issue a proclamation fix
Ing a referendum day CT Nationwide
convenience. 1t will acquaint the elec.
torate with the crisis facing the country
and call for an expression of the national
will-whether the United States should
forcibly thwart Japan's belligerent pur-
pose or take things lying down. The
cabinet will remain in more or less
permanent session while the State De-
partment initiates these fortnight steps
to show the world that the ballot is
mightier than the bullet and that the
eagles feathers may not be plucked with
iraounity.
Twenty-four hours later: cabinet again
In session.
The President-Our stern action in
showing Japan our brand-new set OF
plebiscite teeth has given the Toxic war
lords food for anxious thought. Referen-
dunn enthusiasm is sweeping the country
like wildare. It looks Ike 4 landslide,