The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1937-10-08

ty proud of our
selves until we realized that prob
ably the applause wasn't meant for
us. There must have been thou
sands in that crowd who'd never be-
fore seen a horse-drawn pleasure
vehicle.
If Lady Godiva, dressed only in
her long hair, rode on white horse
through any modern city street,
there'd probably be ten who'd hur-
rah for the horse against one who
looked a second time at the lady.
Sight of white horse would be a
treat to one and all, whereas in
these days of nudism and public I'M
dressing on the beaches-but that
will be about all for that.
International Messes.
wv ITH the great powers tottering
w on the brink of hostilities to a
more lottery extent than usual; with
the Spaniards still willing to fight to
the last Italian from Brother Musso-
lini's loan collection; with China
battered to a bloody hash-meat
in what would closely resemble a
war if only Japan had so declared
it, which must indeed be gratifying
to the ghosts of the thousands al
ready slain and the homeless ref
ugees from ruined cities-this
seems a mighty good time for us to
keep our shirt on.
Kindly recall that other historic
occasion when Uncle Sam felt called
upon to hop into mess cooked up
by foreign nations and, as result,
not only lost his shirt, but has never
since been able to collect the laun-
dry bills for washing the said shirt.
This, if you get the drift, is subtle
reference to those defaulted Euro
pean debts.
Let us, therefore, highly resolve
that, no matter how great the pres
sure from within or without-mainly
it'll be, as was the case before from
without-we' keep the old shirt on.
Classifying Bores.
I'VE been classifying bores. Class
L B bores are those still using the
lapel clutch or buttonhole grapple,
whereas a class A bore is one whose
boast is that he never lays a finger
on you-just holds the victim by
psychic power.
Lately I've met what should call
super A type, the same being
gentleman who, in addition to hav-
ing perfect technique otherwise, had
been imbibing garlic to excess-and
didn't care who knew it. When f.
nally rescued, they had to use a
pulmotor on me.
Meeting this champion reminded
me of what I heard the late Wilson
Miner say to gentleman who in
sisted on boring Wilson while suf-
fused with the afterglow brought on
by combining bourbon whisky and
Bermuda onions in his diet. His
hiccoughs were not only frequent
but had echoes to them.
Finally, when Wilson was practi-
cally ready for artificial respiration
to be applied, he said:
Dear sir, your breath would start
the windmills turning in an old
Dutch painting"
Typical Texans.
I USED to think a typical Texan
was one who said he was going
to send you a ten-gallon hat and
then didn't do it. But he is SUBJ
species.
A really orthodox Texan tells you
he's giving you pair of genuine
Texas steer horns. They'll be along
as soon as he can have them
shipped. But he never ships 'em-
that's what makes him typical.
So many typical Texans have vol
unteered to send me sets of long
horns that, if all these parties were
laid end to end, you'd have one of
the finest consecutive strings of born
liars ever seen. But they wouldn't
stay that way; they'd rise right up
and start looking for Fasteners to
promise long horns to.
Not that I'm craving any long
horns. They stretch so far from
tip to tip they make you think of a
muskellunge fisherman trying to
show you how much that biggest
one measured. If you hang them
low, they prong people in the eye.
IF Won hang thoro h;oh %hoxy,ra