Imperial Valley press., 1937-12-21
SPOR rs
PARADE

Stop ten persons on the street and
ask them to name the most ardu-
Gus sport played in this country
and the chances are that they will
name either football or rowing or
track or boxing.
Absurd nominations, of course, be-
cause every right-minded man If
he will only stop to think. knows
that the most rugged, exacting and
exhauSting Of all American sports
is Christmas shopping.
In the first place. no other sport
requires so long time to play.
Boxing doesn't last more than fif-
teen rounds. oarSmen complete their
work in 20 minutes or so. a round
of golf takes a morning at most,
and a dash man can finish his job
in under ten seconds, flat.
But the worlds record for Christ
mas shopping is five days. and it's
not official because the holder a
Duluth furniture upholsterer., had
two of his gifts returned and ex-
changed. The tip-off on how ardu-
GUS Christmas shopping is can be
found in the newspapers every day.
AT this time Of year all newspapers
run story each day pointing out
how many more shopping days are
left. only ten more shopping days
until Christmas only nine more
shopping days =" This is not a
warning, as so many ignorant folk
believe. II is an announcement.
telling the citizens that if they can
just hold out a bit longer the dread
stopping days will soon be over. I
would not be surprised if these
displays are not a subtle bit of
government propaganda. designed
to keep the citizenry from open
revolt.
Just as the development of a good
left hand is the most difficult thing
in boxing and bra5sie shot from
a close lie golf's most trying shot,
so the buying Of a present for one
wife" is the most troublesome part
of Christmas shopping.
believe a check-up would show
that great percentage of the gray
hair now worn by American hus-
bands could be traced to those
awful moments resulting from shop
ping for their wives. Think of the
problems confronting a Christmas
buying husband
In the first place, there is his
own pocket book He must fine
something that pleases it. He car
not lust shoot the works so tC
speak. even if he felt SO inclined
because the cold gray dawn of tht
| 26th would question such an eX
| penditura. And when wives ques
ton a matter they don't abide b,
| parliamentary rules and rise to
point of order-they come flyinl
out of the buffers pantry, and ris
to a point of riot. Then there
the beWildering problem Of Wha
size things women wear. In clothe
Women's sizes are just the opposit
of mems sizes. Women. for example
wear hats with such sizes as q
and %, ami % A man can't kee
this straight, for man who too
such a size wouldn't need a hat
he'd be bareheaded on a platforr
in the Ringing Brothers freak ten
It's the same way with dresse!
Women who are 40 years old wea
size 16 dresses. Women who ar
sixteen require size 40.
This leads into such a maze G
complexities-for husbands, at leas
that the only sure and safe thin
to buy a wife is a lawn mower
Fortunately. they don't come i
sizes. When you buy a lawn move
or scythe. you are sure to get
gift that carries no sizes number.
But if you buy such a sensibl
gift for your wife you plunge head
long into Christmas shopping's sec
ond most fruitful pitfall-that G
getting your gift wrapped.
1t is barely possible to wrap tn
lawn mower, and only then if ex
treme care is exercised in tn
handling of the blades.
1t is out and out impossible +
wrap a scythe. Everest will b
climbed before a Scythe is wrapped
There is only one scythe wrappe
left in the United States, and h
lives in mortal fear "a small tow
in North Dakota that some on
win come and demand he wrap ;
scythe. Then-but let US close ol
! this high note. carrying as it doe
a message for the youth and ricket
ridden children of this country.