The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1937-10-28

De
expense. Some are
avowed enemies of our form OF
government.
Steps to GUST such parasites are
baked on the ground that to do so
would work hardships on their fam
lilies. You could say the same thing
for bedbugs.
We're starting to register these
non-residents. But it's to be "vol-
untary" registration, not compul-
sorry. Any person in the audience,
besides Madame Perkins, who be-
lieves the undesirables will come
a-running to list themselves, and
risk deportation thereby, kindly
raise the right hand.
Champion Crooks.
TRUST California to turn up with
L a worlds champion of some
thing. They arrested man on sus-
picion of burglary and forgery and
organizing a training school for jul
venile criminals and first one little
thing and then another.
Surely that would seem to be ca
reer enough, but this party had adj
ditional claims to recognition. He
admitted he had been sentenced
to forty-nine terms in various jails
and penitentiaries, which in itself
would seem to constitute an inter-
national record, and said that In
forty-three of these cases he had
been paroled. He didn't explain
how the big hearted parole boards
failed to turn him loose before he
finished those remaining six SEN
fences.
1t must be profound regret to the
boys in Alcatraz and other bide-a-
wee homes conducted by the feder-
al government that, owing to the
cruel refusal of Uncle Sam to go
into the paroling business on a
wholesale basis, none of them, how
ever ambitious, has a chance to
equal this splendid showing.
The honor remains where prop
erly it belongs, constituting a mag
nifcent tribute to the beautiful
mush-headed theory that states
prison should be a clearing house
and not stronghold with a time
lock on it.
NaZi Influence.
I'VE been talking with friend just
L back from Germany. In old days,
[ liked Germany as a land flowing
with gemuetlich and good beer and
superior line of liverwurst. I won
der whether I'd like it so well now.
Because this fellow says every
minute everybody must give the
Nazi salute and say, Hell, Hitler!"
If a citizen wants his eggs fried,
ne says first to the wuiter, Hell,
Hitler!" If he wants 'em turned
over, he says it twice-once for
each egg.
There's swastika flag flying over
practically every house. Absence
of swastika flag signifies that the
folks who used to live there are now
in the hoosegow for failing to fly
same.
My friend may have exaggerated
somewhat, but, / think, not much,
because while talking we came
abreast of Leiderkranz cheese in
delicatessen store window and
involuntarily he said, Hell, Hit.
ler!"
Nominating Barley.
| CANVASSES show Senate Leader
" Alben Barley gaining as pos
sible Democratic nominee in 1910.
It's high time we had somebody
from Paducah for President. For
a hundred and fifty-odd years this
republic has fooled along without
one of our local boys sitting up
there in the White House, writing
messages to congress condemning
the use of sugar in cornbread and
proclaiming that, if any traitor
dares to pull down fried catfish,
shoot him on the spot.
With Alben on the job, Wen not
only have homegrown craftsmanship
in job lots, but silver-throated ora
tory, which, by comparison, would
make Patrick Henry seem like a
tongue-tied man suffering from
chapped lips. For Al can talk an
hour and never use the same word
twice or the letter "r" once.
Nominate Barley and that night
there won't be a dry throat in Nc
Cracker county. Elect Barley
and-well, l always did think I'd
make a middling fair Secretary of
the Interior; certainly nobody could
botch up the Indian bureau worse
than it is.
IRWIN S. COBB.
@-WNU Service.
Goldsmith in Literature
Oliver Goldsmith is said to be