Coulee City dispatch. [volume] (Coulee City, Wash.) 19??-19??, 1937-08-26
By L. L. STEVENSON

BY L. l.. STEVENSON
Dame Gossip, says Walter Cassel,
is term used by those too polite to
drop the sc" Wilbur Hatch de-
fines a gag as an epigram in low
company :. and an epigram as a
disappointed paragraph >. Radio is
boon to country folks, says Morton
Bowe They get almost as much
information from it as from party
lines Peter VanSteeden tells of
the drunk who fell into the river i. /. :.
He saw two bridges and staggered
onto the wrong one . ~. Johnny
Green holds swing music is improv-
ing At a recent performance it
was so quiet you could almost hear
revolver fired Tim and Irene
know fellow whose golf game is so
improved that it is now safe for
his children to hear a shot =. So
ciety girls are inconsistent, claims
Clarence Muse They usually
start in when they come out The
man who wakes up and finds him
self famous, philosophers B. A.
Rolfe, has never been asleep.
Have you heard, queries Martin
Freed, personal musical director for
Al Jolson, about the prizefghter
who won 30 battles via the knock
out route But he is jealous Of
his brother, a radio comedian :.
Who puts everybody to sleep {.
Riding high horse in show bust
ness is a cinch, whispers George
Fischer from Hollywood Until
the cinch breaks and bucks you off
onto flattened ego Broadway,
says Wilbur Hatch, is a place where
it is impossible to keep a marriage
secret News of the divorce
is bound to leak out Accord
ing to Mr.. Hatch, well-known con-
tralto loves the simple things in life
>. Especially if they're rich i.
Jack Benny never buys radio ma
terial except from his own staff I. f. {.
But plenty of eager volunteers flood
him with late jokes (. The trouble
is, Jack says, most of the jokes are
10 years late.
Francia White, in town for sum-
mer shopping, remarked: "The
weaker sex is usually the stronger
sex on account of the weakness of
the stronger sex for the weaker sex"
and she's pretty enough to
know :. If you want to get by in
radio, advises Charles Martin, you
have to be two chumps ahead of the
other fellow George Fischer
tells about the movie actor and ac-
tress who decided to marry .
Both had had three previous mates
So their wedding invitations
read: "Be sure and come. This
won't be an amateur performance. "
-. j.. Phil Baker defines an optimist
as some one who doesn't worry
about what happens AS long as
it doesn't happen to him . Every
thing changes, remarks Raymond
Paige Even radio jokes ,
They get older.
On Broadway, says Carlton Ka-
Dell, if you sing your own praises,
it usually turns out to be solo . F..
Horace Heidi tells of the Broadway
agent who got bad scare the other
day He was SO frightened his
heart came up into his mouth T..
and Clipped his teeth It's a
good idea to kiss the children good
night, says Joe Cook If you
don't mind waiting up for them 4.
and if you like this kind of thing,
let me know and maybe I'll do it
again some day.
Wondering how many lines of a
popular song the average person
remembered, Ferde Grofe, who is
both a composer and an orchestra
leader, took a list of 10 and SUBJ
mitted it to 10 friends, all non-pro-
fessionals. All started bravely with
the first line, a few finished the Sec
ond but scarcely any could recall
the third. Their memory of the nu-
sic, however, was better. Five
hummed the list through from start
to finish; three knew the music of
eight and the others remembered at
least half of the scores. And where
does that leave lyric writer's?
Subway housekeeping: "Signin'
a contracts just like gittin' mar
ried. Right away, the other party
tries to get the best of VOL"
g Bell Syndicate.-WNU Service.