Henderson daily dispatch. (Henderson, N.C.) 1914-1995, 1937-01-02

tie: This is the season when the pro-
! feSslonal SeerS are working overtime
ana the prophets are stirring up their
tea- leaves, rubbing the murky sur
faces of their crystals and digging out
startling predictions for the year 1887
Being a prophet is good work if you
can get it. When you hit, you can
make hue and cry and call the
worlds attention to your success.
When you miss you can keep mum
and everyone will have forgotten
what it was you predicted anyhow.
Indeed the art of prophecy is not
unlike that type of Broadway column
ing in which dozens of news beats are
hazarded every day, weeks before the
news is scheduled actually to happen
and one lucky forecast browns the
memory of a thousand which went
ewry.
So | see no reason why this reporter
shouldn't have some fun too. If my
guesses number among them one or
more that happen to hit the nail on
the head, I shall have them blown UP
to poster type size and used in col
umn promotion for months. If I am
wrong all around, I'll forget about
this column, as you will have done al
ready and long since.
First, 1 see in my glass a period of
ascending business activity. However
taxes and the cost of manufacture
will keep abreast of every gain in
sales, SO that profits will show no
rise and probably a net decline for
the yer. Wages will rise, union lead
as viii relax in bigger and better
limOusines, but the cost of living will
sprint just ahead of every apparent
increase in the contents of the labor
ing mans pay envelope.
Stock prices will zig-zag across the
big board, encouraged by initiation
pyrotechincs and depressed by recur-
rent war scares. Bonds will soften
perccptibly. There will be no boom
even family compa able to the 1929
high-jinks. And around about August
of 1887 my divining ball hints at
gloomy portents. Maybe a war.
I see the first lovers quarrel be-
tween the Duke of Windsor and his
bride. This will furnish headlines ana
feature stories for months. The war
IN Spain will not be settled in 1887
or even in 1885, according to my as
trogical charts, although a formal
truce may be proclaimed The tea leaf
patterns suggest that Feggy Hop
kins Joyce won't, after all, marry her
professor of arstrophyslcs in 1887.
You Can't Take It With You" will
/ remain the best play on Broadway
| throughout the summer of 1897. Broad
III l.
| back fast to sheer entertainment and
a propaganda play will be as difficult
to place with a manager as statue
| CT Mussplini in the lobby of the
| Theater Guild. A minor real estate
i boom will ergrOse the estate agents
| Of Long Island, brought on by the
/ impending Worlds Fair on the Flush
ing meadows. Cross-town traffic will
! have grown so slow, what with in
! creasingly complicated traffics ordi-
nances, that it will he necessary to
take your lunch in the fall of 1897,
| to get from the East River to the
Hudson anywhere in the center of the
/ island.
! Harry Richman will make another
try at inter-continental planning and
Major Bowes will get a broadcast sal
| airy tilt from $4,000 weekly to $685.
! 900 weekly which he will promptly
return to the government when he
! QNys his income tax. The stars warn
OF domestic difficulties for John Bar
| rymore, Aimee Semple Mcpherson
and three Indian Niaharajahs. Bread
will sell at 20 cents a loaf.
casual peek at the cards. prop
| erly thrown according to the best
| textbooks on card-throwing, indicates
that one dictatorship will fall in Eu-
! rope and two new ones will rise. A
snowstorm will occur in March in
New York City which everyone will
liken to the blizzard of 1888, and it
will stay on the streets longer than
snow is allowed to remain anywhere
else this side of Nome, Alaska. The
Marx Brothers will gain resounding
success in their campaign for a Be
Kind to Mother-in-Law Week.
! Chang Kai-Shek will be kidnapped
/: again and released again and will
| start new fad among warlords, who
will all get themselves kidnapped sew
eral times year and find it better
| sport than golf or beheadings. Rudy
| Vallee will be rumored engaged again.
Three professional prophets, in the
| Middle West, who are at the moment
| predicting floods and cloudbursts, will
| djs CT thirst in a drought.