The Waterbury Democrat., 1936-05-06

Away From the Congress
 siOnal Record The
 Jokes Are Terrible ..
 Only Snappy Contributions
 Are Made by Maury Nav
 erick For Instance,
 His 14.POint Warning on
 That Awful "Red Menace?. Washington, May 6.--Most con- scientious Washington correspond- ents try to skim through the Con- gressional Record every day and 1t is the unanimous opinion of this group that never have tho contents of that journal been drearier or less amusing than in the last few months.
 The Record averages about a dozen attempted wisecracEs and jokes per diem and practically all are very feeble or at least as fa- miliar as the celebrated query about the lady and the retort "that wasn't no lady; that was my wife"
 Consequently, it becomes in Or- der ever now and then to make a deep bow of appreciation to the Hon. Maury Maverick, congress- man from San Antonio, Tex, who is responsible for most of such hu- Islor as occasionally does creep In.
 Maury probably is the most voluble and fastest-talklng of any of the intelligent members of con- gress and by all odds, when he wants to be, the funniest.
 Frequently obsessed by serious purposes, he nevertheless usually seems to be getting more enjoy ment out of life than practically anyone else. If you don't like hif humor, please at least remember that it's the best grade available here.
 Nemesis of "Red Menace"
 One of the Hon. Mir. Mavericks aims in life is to explode tbe "Red Menace" bogey and prove 1t a red herring, 50 charlatans who use il to block occasionally threatened steps of human progress may be made to pipe down.
 Consider, for . moment, his de- fense of . pamphlet on Amerlcan- ism issued by the New York County American Legion, which has been bitterly attacked because it espoused the causes of free speech, free press, liberty of cons science, and freedom of religion.
 Maverick, A member of the Lee gion and the Veterans of Foreign Wars, discussed the pamphlet at some length and finally tossed the following into the Record under the title, "The 14 points A the Red Menace:
 "since rcd in itself is . sin, a logical dissertion on the effects is in order .:
 q. Congressman. slrovich. oi New York cannot wear his reo carnation in the lapel of his coat Ho will simply die. Florists vii protest.
 "2. New Workers going hunting upstate cannot wear red fiannels Many will catch pneumonia, flu and colds. Will help doctors and undertakers, but hurt general well fare of citizens.
 Out With Red Wine
 .. Red wine prohibited. Dis elimination as to white wines. No use going to Italian restaurants Grape growers will protest. People will get drunk anyway.
 v. Seeing. red. will also bC abolished. In this many red-bait. CTS will suffer serious inhibitions and mental maladjustments.
 "6. Lure or red-headed girls handsomeness of red-headed boyl to be eradicated by federal laws Will cause importation of non. fading German dyes to make colol of hair different. This will hurt Buy American campaign; besides in this case, the importation wil be a metamorphosis from com. munism to fascism.
 e Red herrings cannot bC drawn across issues. This woulc also be q blow to red-baiters. Olc pals of Al Smith At Fulton Fist Market will protest.
 -. Music, Red Sails in the Sun. set, popular hit, no doubt, sub. versivc. communicate, atheistic anarclistic. and other thing; worse: must not be allowed.
 And No Red Stick Candy!
 a. Children, the little dcars must be free of rcd stick candy This sounds innocent, but one can. not realize how sinister candy car be. It is understood they eat rec candy in Red Russia; therefore we must stop 1t here.
 @. Red trafilc lights abolished substitute color not determined will give work to scientists. Acci. dents.
 , "IO. Children, in getting di. plomas. must not be allowed rec ribbons.
 "1. Red tape must be made blue; however, the change of col ors will not affect red tape psy- chology or human nature. e.. ...
 "l2.-The high curtains in tho supreme court building, which arc red, or near red, must be replaced at once. This would shock ever the Liberty leaguers, the National Manufacturers association. and also the United States Chamber oi Commerce, meeting in solemn