Evening star., 1936-04-18
INSTALIMENT XIII.

en-. Was there any news?
Coral had retired to bed again
- with the newspaper; Mrs. Tod
news. Lance was out Of a job again
but on the wagon. He had a gooc
chance Of position with Miller. T!hs
only news was that 1t had been hor.
ribly cold for q week
While her mother sat absorbed
working over a book-title contest ir
the evening paper Of the night be-
fore, and Coral yawned and rustlec
the newspapers in bed, Tamara busiee
herself with a sort Of feverish con-
centration on the kitchen work; every.
thing had been neglected during tn,
almost three weeks of her absence.
Tam went out in midafternoon
walked gray streets under a gray, un-
friendly sky. She went to FELTON,:
ONCE, Markisohn's, Jergen's. Girl'
were drifting to and fro among the
drug stores and agencies and beauty
parlors; some one called Ottie King
the Broadway cut-up." was packing
the Golden Gate; there was line al
the box Office. Some people were
successful. apparently.
But at the agencies every one said
that the season was dead. Just dead
A girl Tam knew only by iler first
name of Lita told her that she wa;
just back from Hollywood; nothing
doing down there, half the studios
closed.
"Mayne Mallorys down there
again." Tam said, to say his name
Yes, so hear. Berman had some
thing for him, they said" Lita evi.
IDENTIFY knew no more; she went hel
way.
That day and the next and the mex
and the next went by; they were al
alike. The thoughts she thought ir
them were all alike. The nights thai
followed them we're filled with thu
same wakefulness, the same light rest.
less sleep and fevered dreams.
Nobody ever will know, it WASH
important, girls are being just as bis
fools as you are all the time. But
you fooll" she said in her soul. ovel
and over again. you fool! You wert
so happy a month ago-two month
ago Everything was fun-thinkint
Of him and how he loved you-think.
ing that you'd meet and talk ant
that he'd buy you flowers.
You threw it all away. You threw
it all away What had you to gain.
To be soft and give in, to say to your
self. Oh, what does it matter. nobody'l
know, nobody'll carer like every othe
fool!
well. you've found out that yol
know. and you care, and you're goinl
to know and care for the rest of you
lifel"
Angry shame hammered at her da.
and night. She tried to ignore it, II
dismiss it. to laugh at it. She hat
been a fool, admitted. Well. then sh
must go on to the next thing to dc
whatever it was. and never be foe
again. But there was no next thing.
why can't you stop thinking abou
it?" Tam would scream in her sou
1T wasn't so important. It's hap
pened before! No matter how mucl
, you think Of it you'll never be able :
go back"
No use. The sickening circle o
memories began and ended and over
Tapped itself and began again. 1t be
gan with the happy days so short
time ago when she had dwelt upon evi
dences of Mayne's affection. lived upol
his words, in just the obsessed ant
tranced mood she knew now. Blu
that had been all joy. like a wellinl
fountain Of soft delight within heI
And now it was all pain. A man hell
the whip hand until a girl yielded
After that she never quite owned he
straight young body. her voice and he
eyes, her mind and soul again. Ant
men knew that girls would yield.
Writhing with the smoldering in
sistent presence of it. Tam would Ii
awake in the night. hour after hour
She hated men, all men; hated tn
inexorable law of life that decreet
that there should be no going back
No going back to that wet Afternoon
with the rain streaming down. and {
happy, flattered, perfumed Tam joy
ously exploring Mayne's beautiful
rooms. laughing through the dramat
ically perfect little meal, with the maj
she loved sitting opposite her ant
watching her with the appreciativ,
look she knew so well in his narrowed
eyes.
Insanity-that had been little tim,
Of inSanity-so terribly short, and tt
be paid for by so many of these end
less, insufferable hours. And why
why. why? What had she thought tt
gain by it? Why hadn't some savinl
moment of courage, of wisdom save'
her?
But what's the difference? No on
knows. What's the difference?" sh
would mutter. twisting and turning Of
the hard, untidy bed. Coral nigh
stir impatiently. For heavens SAX
get to sleep. TAM" the older siste
would groan in her sleep.
There was a difference. Life be
fore this had been an adventure. hart
sometimes. but always exciting. Littl
Tamara Todhunter. fresh from th
convent. had found it all fun, tn
meeting of queer persons and doinl
queer things; herself remote from thl
SordidneSS and WrongneSS, stron;
against weakness, straight agains
what was crooked. Now everything
was changed. She could not be phil
osophical and amused and ambition
any more. Her own life was not goinI
to emerge out of this shadowy mes
into the clear sunshine of honor anc