The Washington times., 1936-11-19
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
By Louis SoboI
Diary Of a CoIyumist's
Pup!

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Confessions of the broodino
"WhiSkey" barred to the eager
pubHcD
TueSday-If I had the courage
I'd run away from this goofy house.
hold. I guess 1 would anyway if
it wasn't for the Queen and Natalie
because the more hang around
Chronic Conclusion, the more ]
think of my own kind. But the
Lady fixed him up good all right,
all right.
Dull-Wit sees me reaching into
the pan for a drink of water and
he snatcheS it away and goes
into the closet and comes out
with a long bottle. He pOurs
something out of the long bottle
and then he says, sweet like,
"Oke, Whiskey, go on and drink
your fill"
I am very thirsty, so I drank and
I should have been suspicious in
the first place because he acts so
human, but even then 1 should
have known because when I taste
the water it has a funny taste, and
suddenly I feel very giddy and I
begin whirling around and around.
I jumped on the table, then I
jumped down, then I decided I
didn't like my tail and twist my
self up until I have it in my jaws
and begin tugging.
Just then, Beautiful comes in
and says, Heavens, what in the
world is wrong with WhiSkey?"
and Dyspepsia cackles like a
successful hen and the lady says,
"YOu must have done some
thing; 1 know it. 1 know it,"
He says: II dropped a little
brandy into his water to see If
he could take it. Get a load Of
that mutt"
Well, she flies up in the air and
she scolds: "I've never heard any
thing so insane in all my life. I
feel like reporting you to the S. P.
C. At was a cruel thing to dc" )"
And he yells back: "Cruel, to
waste 2O-year-old brandy on a
mutt. You call that cruel! Why,
I know men who'd
The Lady says: "Well, all
hope is this doesn't get out and
the world gets to learn that a
man with alleged intelligence
can be so inhumane as to give a
poor, little inOffensive dog hard
liquor. You ought to be
ashamed of yourself. And here
Whiskey's just been made an
honorary member Of the A.P.U."
what" he says, lis the Az. UP"
That's the name of the Ami
NAL Protection Union, founded by
Daisy Miller. And who do you
think the other honorary mem,
bers are?-there's only a few
Rin-Tin- Tin" he sneers, cor
should give up?" >. Yes, give up.
Because President Roosevelt is one
and Mrs. Calvin Coolidge is an
other, and Irene Castle McLaugh-
lin, Admiral Byrd, Col. Jacob Rup.
per and a few others. And Whis.
key has keen made an honorary
member along with them"
Nov, I know" he growls, "there'll
be no living in the same house
with him. Tell Annie to hurry the
breakfast"
Wednesday-"Well the Lady got
her man." Grunpo means. You
read here-about Barrymore and
that Elaine Barrie eloping?" The
Queen says: II think it's so cute,
don't you-the way she persisted
and '.nally won out?"
He says, "What's so cute about
a fellow losing his freedom at
any time?" And She says,
'WaitIl you see. It'll make a
different man of him-marriage
does things to people" And he
says, ooh, migad, he's been mar
ried before, hasn't he?" And she
says, eyes, and lOOk-lOOk how
long he's been a start"
So Pudd'nhead throws up his
hands and says, whats the use?"
The Lady says, did you read in
the papers where Mrs. Simpson, S
husband may be made a baronet
or something like that?" And he
says, 'No. 1t must have been some
gag you read" She insists no, she
read it in the papers, and he says,
well, maybe, but all I can say is
there's many guy with a coat of
arms who'd rather have a coat on
his back"
This tickles him so much to
think he pulls it fast like that,
he gets very gOOd-natured and
the Queen giggles and says,
"Well, if you have the nerve to
pull one like that 1 won't hold
mine back any longer" He says,
Hold what back any lOnger?"
And she says: 81 hear up in Cal
lander the next three months
they're going to name the sea-
son, "Quinter." This makes him
very mad and they don't talk
for the rest of the afternoon.
Thursday do you think?"
asks Pretty, Peggy Joyce will
marry that Jackson fellow like she
says in the papers?"
SOur-Puss looks up from his
magazine and says: "HOw should
/ know? / Only reteII neWS-I