The McDowell times. [volume] (Keystone, W. Va.) 1904-1941, 1936-09-25
BY GEORGE AIDE

Sheepskins and cut out the Didoes.
colleges were founded to impart
knowledge, teach Correct Thinking
and saturate with Culture and not
to provide Hot Copy for the Sport
ing Page.
Beef" admitted that Erasmus
held all of the Views which might be
expected from Professor who was
inside of a College Building and
looking out. He wondered, however,
II the British Type of illuminate
would harmonic with the Present
Conditions in Chicago.
You want to remember one
Thing" said the Old Grad. "You are
not coaching lot of domesticated
Book Worms to 60 out and teach
the Ologies in Female Seminaries
and High Schools. The Glasses are
getting so big that only about FIVE
per cent of the Graduates can con-
secrate their Lives to a Diet of
Bread and Milk while directing the
Young Idea how to Shoot. The
other 95 per cent must 60 into the
Scrimmage. They cannot spend the
glad Hours in polishing up their
VocabularieS or proving to the
World that they retain all of the
Luster which they acquired in the
Halls of Learning.
BUCK THE LINE OR GET OFF
THE FIELD
They have got to 60 out and mix
with Folks in very intimate Way
and Make Friends and cause the
Communities in which they live to
81: up and take Notice. To get
away with the assignment they
must have something which no stu
dious Young Person can get out of
Books or in a Laboratory. They
must know how to appear in a
Roomful of People without falling
over Chair. They must be famil-
lar with the Manners and Customs
and all the fool Contraptions of an
eager and restless Public"
AS l expected" said President
Twigg, "you are now speaking of
Success in terms of Dollars"
WELL" said Beef, Il don't know
OF any Article except the old-fash-
Toned Iron Dollar which will permit
the Citizen Today to carry out his
Plans, provide for an expensive
Family and give him Power and in
huence when he was to lock Horns
with hard Emergencies, Possibly
your idea is that the College-Bred
Men in every Neighborhood should
be soft-spoken and gentle-mannered
Philosophers who texture at the Lit
erary Clubs and owe Grocery Bills,
Dog gone it, Erasmus, you've
either got to buck the Line or get
off the Field. I've been driving
hard for Years to acquire some Re-
suits and now, when / get among
the Pedants, the Savants and the
other kinds of Aunts, they make me
feel as if were a Rabbit, Just be-
cause / have kept out of the Poor
House. The best l get is the Title
of Super-Rotarians
"All l ask is, that after he arrives
back Home and give him the Once
Over, will not be compelled to lock
him up. l want him to get every
thing you have to sell at che Works.
l want him to be an Officer in the
Cadet Corps, a Baritone in the Glee
Club, one of the Backs on the
Eleven, an Editor of the Daily and
Business Manager of the Frat
House. l want him to meet all kinds
of People so that he won't be afraid
OF anything that wears Knicker-
bockers, no matter what the Sex
may be-"
Erasmus shook his Head sadly
and remarked, "He is your direct
and legitimate Offspring, so think
may safely guarantee that, no mat
ter what else happens to him, he
will not suffer from Eye-Strain while
under our Tutelage."
MORAL: If it were not for the
Home Influence many a Collegian
would be ruined by Over-Education.
Agnes Scott College