The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1936-02-03
Squaring
The Circle
With
THE HOOSIER EDITOR

ME Hoosler Editor, just pefore
l. leaving for a cup of coffee and a
sedative. would like to award to
each of the following Indianapolis
citizens parasol for spring fresh
cts:
The man who walked into Grim
inal Court and asked to be SEN
fenced to prison so he could stop the
drinking habit and was told he
couldn't be accommodated because
there was no charge against him.
The man who, on subzero night,
practically infested two bricks with
British thermal units and placed
them in his bed, where they prompt
ly set it af1re, forcing him to spend
the night in his chair.
The thief who, found by police
in possession of two lady's night
gowns, explained that he had bought
them for a lady he had met in an
alley but whose name he didn't
know.
THE City Hospital patient who
- when recovering from an ap-
pendectony, walked out into the
winter cold clad only in a short
nightgown because he believed some
one who told them they were going
to repeat the operation.
The five householders who refused
to give the shivering fugitive shelter
because they thought he was a
ghost.
The preacher who took the fugi-
tive in, explaining that he was a
minister and not afraid of ghosts.
The ex-convict who explained to
a municipal judge that he had had
II diamonds removed from the front
Of his teeth when he entered the
Indiana State Prison because he
felt other prisoners would consoles
him too heightened for the big
house."
The thrifty man who bought a
dismantled house for $3.50 from
two men Who had it on a truck
and were willing to sell to the first
bidder, only to find that it had been
stolen from nearby lot.
ME irate home owner who every
- night Systematically tore down
the framework of a house a carpen-
ter was trying to build in the day.
time, because he and other neigh
hors believed the house was cheaply
constructed and discredit to the
neighborhood.
The thief who stole two full gar
bage cans from the rear of North
Side home and left an alto saxo-
phone in their place.
The bemused individual who, on
a cold, cold day, walked slowly into
a North Side front yard, took off his
overcoat and hat, hung them on a
tree, and walked off, never to re-
turn.
The woman witness in Munich
pal Court trial of back-fence dis
pute who, in order to impress the
court that she was important, told
him she had once lunched with the
late King George, and that she was
related to the HolSteins.
TINE husband who threw brick
Il through a downtown store win
dow because his estranged wife
worked there and he was mad at
her."
The tavern guest who inadver-
tently carried away salt shaker,
returned with it, found the place
closed, and tossed it in through a
closed window.
The indirect actionist who stole
a fire engine so that he would be
arrested aud sent to City Hospital
for treatment to his head because
he had severe pains in same"
The kids who dragged their sled
through six inches of zero snow to
creamery and loaded on it two
gallons of stolen ice cream.
The lone man who, when deputies
refused to arrest him, screamed and
cried in front of the Marion County
Jail in the wee hours until they
did.
The witness who told jury that
some auto tires that were stolen
must have been pretty heavy since
each contained go pounds of air.