The Coolidge examiner., 1936-05-01


is to tadpoles-wiIl Irwin & cobh
be passed.
AT least the veterans have the ar
gument of patriotic service on their
side. And isn't it true that to near
ly all of us has come a new con
ceptiOn of the national figurehead
No longer is it square, -jawed, self
dependent Yankee Doodle. It's q
generous, jolly smiling Santa Claus
bringing free checks for everybody
that is, free until the taxpayers
start paying the bill.
Defying the Almighty.
FOLLOWING the example set
some years ago by a certain ia
nous parsonage, a cock-sure infidel
made speech lately, defying God
to smite him dead on the spot. II
seemed, first off, very sound idea
but nothing happened, so the gentle
man took this for proof there was
no God and went his way rejoicing
Some look on this as blasphemy
but, granted that every man is enti,
tied to speak his opinion on re-
ligiOn, I'd call it pure gall. Think
of inviting the Almighty to suspend
the entire cosmic scheme while
forging a thunderbolt to abolish one
solitary cOpycat of an amateur
Ajax. Would you call out the stand
ing army Of the United States to
kill a cockroach?
Lady Killers.
TT HAS been in print so often you
must know it by heart, yourself
At sight of her recreant gentleman
friend, the poor bruised butterfly
felt a great sense of her wrongs
the wretch wanted to go back to his
wife or something equally dastardly
and the next thing she knew she
was holding a smoking automatic
that accidentally happened to be in
her handbag along with some lip
stick and a recipe for fudge; and he
was deader than the prosecutors
chance of convicting her for the
killing. But just prior to that "ev-
erything went black before her
eyes" There's one detail which new
er varies-that going -black-before
the-eyes business.
1t was in the case they tried re,
Gently in New York. It's in this
latest case at Chicago. 'Tis a sore
affliction, always marked by total
lapse of memory and frequently cou-
pied with temporary insanity, but
it's certainly fine for marksman-
ship.
BrawIs in Hollywood.
NATURALLY, l have hot south
ern blood, which seems to be
the hottest there is, although down
home | never noticed it. But up
north, if trouble impended, people
would speak of my hot southern
blood when all the time I thought
| was having a nervous chill.
Being thus all hot-blooded up, ]
adore fighting, if somebody else does
it. Since our movie heroes always
stage their combats in some utterly
secluded spot, such as a cafe or a
night club, hurry hither and yon
hoping to be present when an embit-
tered star satisfies his honor by
bouncing a special order of sweet
breads under glass with mushrooms
twenty minutes, 90 cents - off
some rivals classic profile.
But it's hard enough for me to
get in touch with a waiter, let alone
good plate-tossing contest. To-
day the war correspondents report
two brisk battles on the Hollywood
front, and I'm absent, as usual.
In the main bout, both gladiators
were script writer's, prOverbially a
tigerish breed. Believe it or not, a
Mr.. Riskin tangled with a Mr.. Rus
kin, the presumption being that
one Of the gentlemen regarded the
other as typographical error.
English Reds Again.
SOMETHING printed here recent
- ly about the way the English
handle their reds and pinks prompt
ed an English gentleman to write
giving further details.
'TwOuld seem that over there all
public servants, including, notably
state-paid school teachers. must
swear to uphold the crown, which
means they cannot preach cOmmu-
nism to their pupils without viO'
lating a solemn oath and, if caught
so doing, they lose their official
heads instanter. Moreover, nc
avOwed or suspected agent of the
Soviets may use the radio to preach
the overthrow of the existing gov
ernment in favor of the Russian
plan.
In other words-fOrgive the pun
please-Britain never shall be Slavs.
IRWIN S. COBB.