Evening star., 1936-03-27

ShOuldNOt
BeBondage
Paternal Love Must
Distinguish It's
Borders.
BY ANGELO PATRI.

RETT1E. aged 7, was an attentive
onlooker at her aunts wedding.
On the way home from church she
snuggled close to her mother, took her
hand and laid it against her cheek and
murmured, Mother, dear"
"Yes, Bette, darling" mother re-
turned, smuggling her child still closer.
Mother, dear, Aunt Chris couldn't
have loved granny much or she
wouldn't have left her. I'll never mar
ry anybody, mother. I'll never leave
you"
Darling Bette" was mothers only
response to this expression of bondage.
Bette did not understand her own
feelings just then. and nobody else
could hope to understand them, much
less know precisely what they were.
We do know, however, that Bette was
in fair way to become one of those
children who cling to their mothers
all their lives either remaining a
mothers child for life, or after ex-
perimenting with marriage and finding
separation from mother impossible, re-
turn to her.
1t is easy to cultivate a child's af-
fection for its mother to the stage
where it become bondage. 1t is sweet
to be loved, sweet to feel dear child
leaning upon ones strength, cling1ng
to ones love and care To continue
to accept this dependence, to cultivate
it, to keep on enjoying it until one
devours the better part of child's life,
is selfishneSs gone to seed. 1t can re.
suit only in harm.
There comes a time and 1t usually
occurs early in the lives Of little chil-
dren, when their native independence
starts into life. Let me do it, is the
first expression of personal power that
a child feels. AS soon as he makes 1t,
stand back. Let him try. Praise him
for the effort, and, if possible, for the
success he makes. Know that from
then on this child is growing steadily
away from his mother toward ma
turity, toward complete individuality,
and rejoice in it. To try to hold the
child in childish dependence past the
time for it is to make him child for
the duration of his life. Prolonged
childhood is nothing to be coveted in
this life. Maturity, self-help, self.
realization-these are the things. Ed
ucation aims at making the self the
best possible so that its expression will
bless the individual and all those who
come in contact with him.
When Bette said that she would
never leave her mother, but cling only
to her she was saying something that
should have warned her mother and
shocked her into realization OF what
her treatment of the child was leading
to. Instead she accepted the devotion
and encouraged it. The better way
would have been to laugh and say, by
and by, when you are young woman
like Aunt Chris, you will be bride,
too, and wear lovely white dress and
carry a big bouquet and march down
the aisle in church to marry a fine
young man like your new uncle. You
will be just as happy as Aunt Chris
and I'll be sitting in the pew thinking
how fine you look. All young women
want to be brides. You will. too"
When a child says, Il don't want to
go to camp and leave you" II won't
go to boarding school and leave home"
No. don't want to go with aunt and
uncle on the trip, unless you come,
too," don't feel flattered. 1t is time to
feel alarmed; time to correct the over
mothering and to begin to shunt the
child of on his own.