The Washington times., 1936-08-20
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
BY Louis SObOI-
BY JOHNSTON ID. KERKHOFF
pinch Hitting During Louis
SObOrS VacatiOn)

least you can do is take a peek
at Broadway. You probably won't
believe this, but 1 haven't seen
Broadway since this time last
year. I haven't seen it yet. I
started out all right, but things
kind of kept cropping up and l
got as far north as 14th ST., no
more. I expect the night club
people are pretty upset, wonder
ing what had happened to me, so
this first column is by way of
explanation to you and to them.
was all ready to go, except
for a haircut, when the people
downstairs came up to tell us
about their young son. The boy
has been in a private hospital
for several months. Dangerous
" Ill. He is in a ward and is
attended by the staff doctors.
Well, the mother is worried sick,
but shy about asking the staff
doctors just what's what. Fl
nally, q friend urged her to cali
in the friends doctor for q con-
suItatiOn. The doctor was will
ing, but the hospital said no.
1t said bluntly thai the boy
couldn't live and, anyway, his
mother had no right to call in
q private doctor when her son
was a ward case. She said that
her friend was paying for the
doctor, but the hospital said:
"That'S what they all say" Can
you imagine it? l don't believe
in pulling wires, but I was so
hopping mad that I pulled
some, and the doctor got in all
right and, hope, put the hos
pital staff to shame.
The afternoon was ruined; so
we're two shirts, due to our beau
tiful weather and frantic tele-
phoning, but I got fitted out
again and was just ready to dis
cover Broadway when the little
woman cut her finger. You see,
she is one of those moderns who
believe that if wives don't con-
tribute to the family finances
they should do the houseWork.
Not having contributed for some
time, the little woman fired the
maid and took over, with sad re
suits from the butcher knife. It
wasn't bad cut, but she wept,
explaining that now she couldn't
do the washing and my white
pants were soaking in the tub
and how would 1 look going to
Broadway in my old blue serge.
The result was, Louisiana I
feel somewhat coy on the sub
ject-that I rolled up the sleeves
and went at the washing.
1 got the stuff out on the line
finally, and five minutes later a
candy factory down the block
belched a couple of tons of SCOT
into the air. The fun that SCOT
had with my white pants and the
sheets and the towels!
You will understand by now
that 1 was in no condition to
be The Voice of Broadway. Not
even an echo. Anyway, 1 sud-
denly recalled that I was due.
at a cocktail party in Brook
lyn Heights.
The hostess greeted me with:
"Here comes our little RADICAL"
Now, Louis, you know I'm not lit
tie. Nor am I radical. But I
like to hear myself talk, whether
or not know anything about the
subject which, at the cocktail
party was that public hanging
in kentucky. Just about every
one agreed that the 10000
spectators were the horrible part
of the whole thing, but one mid
dle-aged gentleman protested. He
said that he had witnessed the
hanging-"I ran over from Louis
vile to see it"-and it wasn't half
bad. He said: Il also have seen
five lynchings. You people up
here don't understand about such
things" Then he described one
of the lynchings; and I didn't
want any more cocktails.
On my own again, I walked
over to Chinatown and had
some birds nest soup at Bam-
bOO'S, then looked up some of
the Old-timers, who took me
around last year. Everyone is
expecting a tong war down
there because the gambling
racket isn't going so smoothly.
Tong wars usually start over
gambling, you know Foods
awfully cheap in Chinatown
now because what they eat
hasn't been affected by the
drought. Hearing about food
made me hungry again, so I
had some Chinese roast pork
washed down with rose wine,
which is dynamite. Then
along came a bunch of tour
lists, and it occurred to me that
I might actually get to Broad
way by stealing a ride in the
sightseeing bus when it re-
turned to Times Square.
Worked like a charm. No one
asked me for a ticket or
anything and it would have
made an interesting paragraph