The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1936-01-02

apply to husbands. If Mr.. Smith went
on strike about the hired girls night
out and his local was to parade in
signs which announced that "Mrs.
Smith Cooks With a Can Opener"
something might come Of it-maybe
trip to Reno, dunno.
OF course not everybody would be
eligible for admission into these
Unions. Only skilled workers would
be taken in. The women would have
to be skilled at working their hus-
bands, and the men would have to be
skilled at working alibis.
In order to join the Married Wom-
ems Union ladies would have to prove
they were able to rule the roost and
the rooster, and the test would be
made by a committee of ladies who
would watch while the wife-candidate
stuck her head in her husbands poker
game and called his first name violent
| ly. If he drops a straight flush and
comes home Immediately, the candi-
date is elected.
The qualifications for Joining the
Husbands Protective Association should
be the husband-applicant hit, insult, or
abuse his wife, and get away with 1t.
The president of that Union would
probably be the guy who accidentally
drops hammer on his wife's head and
then shouts at her for putting the tool
box on high shelf like that where
| r1if
splitting it-and has her apologize for
| putting it there. If she doesn't apollo
gize he'll probably only be walking
delegate, walking as fast as possible
If not actually running.
By no means should husbands Of
wives so famous that they have been
forced to become known to the world
by those wives names be eligible to
the Matrimonial Union, Local Is, or
any other Local.
In Russia the Husbands Protective
Society idea is going strong, and see
by the paper that they have recently
passed law over there whereby a
woman can be thrown in the jug for
failure to pay her divorced husband
his alimony. This makes the women
see Red.
| While in California not very long
ago, bunch Of women got together
and secured what is known as the
Community Property Law. That meant
both parties to marriage were joint
owners of the home and the bank &C.
count. 1t was intended as a protec-
ton against Non-Union Younger
Blondes. But since it became law
lot Of the boys have found it more
profitable to get divorce than to get
job.
All of which goes to prove that
United We Stand for A Lot; Divided,
You Get the House If You're Lucky!
But with the husbands and the
wives both well organized we might
get to a point where we could do a
little arbitration. The wives demand
the abolition of the twenty-four hour
day, and a minimum dress allowance.
| While the husbands could demand the
removal Of the time limit on home
coming, and the right to walk upstairs
in their shoes after II p. m. The old
principle Of give and take is the best
after all-he gives and she takes. But
no amount of arbitration can ever
settle who's boss. That can be done
only in one way, and the Husbands
Protective Association which takes up
this set of rules will work wonders.
1. Never forget to kiss your wife
| good-by-and kiss her Unexpectedly
even If you're staying home.
2. Notice E,r clothes and tell her
she looks pretty. Four times year is
| sufficient for this.
8. Bring her a flower Of two occa-
sionally when your conscience is per-
fectly, obviously clear.
| 4. Never trust her around the cor
ner and never stand for any nonsense
from her when you and she both know
it's nonsense.
And If your association will adhere
strictly to these simple rules, there Is
no question about who will be boss