davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09

SHOO FLY, DON'T BOTHER ME-
BY Babe Herman to almost any ball
that comes into the outfield.
GET YOUR MONEYS WORTH-A
bit of personal advice from this mex
pert to the fans who have not been
getting 1t at certain spots recently.
THE PARDON CAME TOO LATE
By the fans to a certain bald-headed
reporter after arriving at this last line.
Although football people always are
complaining that the papers and the
fans do not understand them, 1t is pos
sible that their own duly appointed
big brothers do little to remedy the
situation. For instance, the officials
appointed by Walter Okeson are in
structed not to submit to interviews by
reporters after games in which there
are complicated interpretations of the
complicated rules.
Marshall Cassidy, New York state
racing commission steward, wears
smoke-colored spectacles. That may or
may not be the reason why the turf
arbiters issue so many charming re-
ports of things that could only have
been viewed through roSe-colored
glasses.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
N2NHNNM g
g OUoMN)

Ferns gov and thrive in sus-
pended window baskets If soil is kept
moist and not allowed to dry out.
Keep a roll of glued paper and
ball of Irvine in your kitchen to use
when tying and labelling bundles.
Adhesive tape may be quickly and
painlessly removed from the skin If
softened with benzine. Saturate
sponge with benzine and wash tape
with it.
Place a loaf of cake as near the
center of oven as possible. If placed
close to the firebox one side of cake
will rise higher than the other and
is likely to burn.
Chilling makes rolled cookie dough
firm and easy to roll without the ad-
dition of extra -four.
After removing fudge from the
stove, add half teaspoon of baking
powder. 1t makes it fluffy.
A pail of sand should always be
kept near the furnace in the cellar.
Should a spark from the furnace
start a blaze it may be quickly ex-
tinguished with the sand.
To soften hardened putty, place
in boiling water and allow to stand
until water coOls.
Strips of orange peel coated with
melted dipping chocolate are deli
ciOus.
Do not keep cyclamens in too warm
a room. Too much heat causes the
blossoms to lose their firmneSs. Keep
soil about the roots quite damp.
g Associated Newspapers.-WNU Service.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Fitting People to
Tune Is Break
for Tin Pan Alley
q New York Post-wNU Service.

g oNGS that might have been (but
- were not) dedicated to the gentle
men and ladies whose names you see
on the sports pages so frequently.
I MISS YOU MOST OF ALBANY
Dodger to any curve ball.
HIVE GROWN so USED TO YOU
Danno O'Mahoney to Don George after
the fourth wrestling affair.
LOVE A PARADE-TOm Yawkey,
owner of the Boston Red SOx, to the
other American league magnates.
DON'T CARE If YOU NEVER
COME BACK-The public to Jack
Sharkey.
DON'T LIKE NO CHEAP MAN
Dizzy Dean, while suggesting to the
Cards that they either pay him or
trade him.
WHERE DID YOU GET THAT
HAT?-To Judge K. NJ. Lands.
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU WERE, IT'S
WHAT YOU ARE ToDAY-By Joe
Louis, to Jack Dempsey and Gene Tun-
ney whenever they start making CON-
parsons.
EVERY LITTLE BIT ADDED TO
WHAT YOU GoT-By Connie Mack
to the ever loving fans who mourn his
bad luck in obtaining only $500, 900 for
Jimmy Foxx and other heirIooms.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Athlete Can Sell Out
to the Highest Bidder


I'm not kicking. They treated me
swell and-what's that? Sure, the
coach knew that 1 had played prOfes-
sional baseball. When / was still in
prep school the coach persuaded that
Blue Ridge League club to hire me-"
CASE B.-A now famous hockey
player was versatile schooIboy ath-
Iete in his native Canada. The repre-
sentative of a big-time Eastern Siwash
showed him how he could get a good
education free of charge by entering >
selected American prep school and
preparing for the Eastern Siwash-
Naturally he was to exercise due care
in learning how to play the great
American game of football while being
educated at the prep school.
Everything was lovely until he was
ready for college. Then he learned
that the coach at the Eastern Siwash
had accepted a higher salary at a dis
tant university. Naturally the coach
wanted company and offered some
fancy inducements, but the athlete re-
IuSSu " 80 81 Adi away hOAh AoAAC.
"Within a week after that had Of
fers from 16 colleges" the athlete says
ale (the eoach) had passed the word
around that he had withdrawn his
agent"
CASE CA small, unheralded col
lege upset a famous Eastern team in
an intersectional contest. Several days
later l was talking with the coach OF
another noted Eastern team. He had
been a teammate of the small college
coach, called Bill because there are so
many bills connected with football
"You know the Boss (the correct
name is that of the famous coach for
whom they had played) is good to US
chaps breaking in" he remarked
"Take the way Smith and Jones (the
names are not eorreet) cleaned up last
Saturday. Well could have had them
two weeks ago.
"The Boss had them all lined up for
the alma mater but he's got so much
material this year he couldn't con-
veniently use them and they didn't
want to wait. So he offered to let me
have them cheap. OF course, IL was
kind of late in the term but was just
about to wire him okay when Bill
came through town.
"BiII needed a couple of ready-made
backs for his big Eastern showing and
you know the Boss always was kind
hearted. So" The coach laughed.
"Funny, isn't it," he said. "Here
Smith and Jones win big game for
Bill and probably get him a new con-
tract and yet they've never been with
in 1000 miles of BiIrs campus"
Yeah, the reporter agreed, it prob
ably was Just as funny as anything
Havelock Ellis or Sigmund Freud ever
had written, while trying to get down
to cases without using names. But
since he did not wish to offend the
august faculty members of Ostrich uni
versity he did not add why.
One of the saddest stories Of the
year concerns a small college which
previously has been strong on higher
education but somewhat weak on foot
ball. Last summer the college, which
has no freshmen rule, took rs prep
school stars to a training camp. After
three weeks of practice IS players were
selected for the IS all-expenses-paid
scholarships the college had at its dis
posaI. Competing against smali-time
opponents, the team did not win a
game.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09

holder to have in youi kitchen. The
two dresses are the pc, holders and
when hanging up snap into place
under the bonnet. Finished size IL
by IA inches.
This stamped and tinted piece OF
material, No. 1902, will be mailed
for 10 cents. This is to be made up
and worked in simple outline stitch.
Address Home Craft Co.. Dept.
A, Nineteenth and st. Louis Ave-, st.
Louis, Mo. Inclose a stamped ad"
dressed envelope for reply when
writing for any information.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
40 Famous First Editions"
Are Found to Be Forgeries

The European book-collectins
world received shock recently
when about 40 famous first edi.
tions," which have been accepted
as genuine in all standard bibliog
raphies for 30 years, were found
to be forgeries.
In most OF them either the paper
or the type or both did not exist al
the time the books were supposed
to have been printed. And in some
cases the text was taken from re
yiSed editiOns.-Collier'S.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
11III .
A Rural Philologist

'We don't say 'tarmin' any more"
remarked Farmer Corntossel. 1--WE
say agricultural
"What's the difference"
agriculture has four syllables
an 'farmin'' has two; the signiti
canoe bein' that there is jes' twice as
much conversation along with the
one as with the other"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Few Athletic Records That
Have Held for Many Years

Some international athletic rec
Ords hold for long periods. In Amer.
lea, Ewry's record for the standing
broad jump has not been broken in
80 years, and Wefers' record for the
300-yard dash in 80 years.
In England, Grassland has held
the record for the 20-mile run for
40 years and Griffith the record for
the 2O-mile walk for GA years.-Col-
lier's.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Man Must Know Creative
Power to Master Himself

Man is buffeted by circumstances
so long as he believes himself to be
the creature of outside conditions.
but when he realizes that he is
creative power, and that he may COM
mand the hidden soil and seeds Of
his being out of which circumstances
grow, he then becomes the rightfuI
master of himself.-James Allen.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09

ALL ALONE-To the fan who in
siSts upon watching the Braves.
OH, DIDN'T HE RAMBLE-In men,
DRY of that favorite which took the
overland route and my five coconuts at
New Orleans the other day.
ARGENTINES, THE PORTUGUESE
AND THE GREEKS-To almost any
all-America football team.
ARE YOU THERE, MORIARTY?-
BY the Chicago fans to their favorite
umpire when there are enough pop bot
ties to go around.
JUST A MEMoRY-By the Ameri-
can Davis Cup players to the Davis
Cup.
REMEMBER, BOY, YOU'RE IRISH
BY the fans to Jim Braddock, in
case.
YOU'RE A LONG, LONG WAY
FROM HoME-By the fans to any
PhiIIy who happens to reach first base.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
His Prayer

Teacher-Now, then, Tommy, what
is grace?
Tommy don't know, madam.
Teacher-What did your father say
before breakfast this morning?
Tommy-Go careful with the bacon
its 45 cents a pound.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Super6ciaIs

Great statesmen in the old days
often wore whiskers."
"Whiskers were not essential" saiC
Miss Cayenne. Women are coming
forward in politics and it would be toe
bad for a woman to have no chance II
an election unless she was a bearder
lady,"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
PRETTY STENCILED
POT HOLDER SET
By GRANDMOTHER CLARK

These two little SunbOnnet Girls
seem to be having some important
secrets. They both work in the
kitchen and are talking over their
days experience. They are the little
pot holder girls, cute and novel
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
The Busy Girls
Copyright. W. N. W.

SIN the happlest woman in the
world. I'm marrying the man l want"
"Oh, that's nothing. True happiness
csmes to a girl by marrying the man
somebody else wants."-Tit-Bits Mag
azine.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Water Helps

The nice old gentleman stopped to
talk to the wee girl who was making
mud pies on the sidewalk.
MY goodness" he exclaimed
"you're pretty dirty, aren't you"
YES" she replied, ''but I'm pref
tier Clean"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Bill Rendered

Kindly Old Man-And you say your
name is Bill, son? Why were you
named that?
BOy-Because my father said l
came on the first Of the month.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Daily Dialogue

Dierdre-WOmen do not cry at
weddings any more. ..
Aspasia-That makes the bride
groom feel better. Those tears al
ways seemed to accuse him.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
BaHled

slow many times has the Mona Lisa
been taken from one place to another?"
Il wouldn't attempt to say. l never
could manage to keep up with all the
moving pictures"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
Comeback

did yCt isit Walla W6ha?"
mo, but / visited Tacoma, Tacoma.
Travel
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09
OWES ALL TO HER

as your husband a self-made
man?"
mo. I taught him to dance, to
golf and all he knows about bridge"
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09

Strips of orange peel coated with
melted dipping chocolate are deli
ciOus.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09

Do not keep cyclamens in too warm
a room. Too much heat causes the
blossoms to lose their firmness. Keep
soil about the roots quite damp.
g Associated Newspa pers.-WNU Service.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-01-09

To soften hardened putty, place
in boiling water and allow to stand
until water coOls.
The Washington times., 1936-03-16
Strategic Political Move
By James T. Williams, Jr.

|tee Of which the Postmaster Gen
eral is chairman and manager.
From the flock Of Senatorial
dark-horSe candidates for the
presidential nomination Of the
Cleveland convention no word Of
protest came.
Even the so-called "insurgent"
Senators seem to have kept their
mouths tightly shut on the subject.
And now when the Senate sits
as High Court to try the i'm,
peachment of a lnember of the
Federal Judiciary-a Republican
who was appointed by a Repub-
lican President and confirmed
by Republican Senate-the pre-
siding judge at the trial is none
other than Jobmaster General
Farley's right hand political aid
Vice Chairman Garner, vice,
manager of the campaign of Per-
sonal Government for reelection.
gag RULE"
OF course Personal Government
needs no vice-campaign manager
to keep the House of Representa-
tives in subsection to arbitrary
power.
This Is easily done by the
despotic means of gag rule, "
which shuts off debate whenever
Personal Government telephones
to its ;ools in the House that
debate must be shut off on the
must" bill which the House is
under orderG to pass without de,
lay.
But the rules of the Senate
have long been a protection
against the subsection Of thai
body to gag rule"
Other measures were necessary
to discourage recalcitrancy by
the members Of the Senate.
It was doubtless in this plight
that Personal Government con
ceived the novel idea of capt
talizing to its own advantage
the personal popularity and re
spect for his common sense
which Vice President Garner en-
joys among the Senators, BY
drafting him as vice-campaigr
manager and chief assistant tt
Campaign Manager Farley.
Mr.. Coolidge was reluctant tt
yield to the insistance of Mr.
Harding and occupy a seat II
his Cabinet for reasons which
must be reserved for another
day.
But at least Mr.. Coolidge hac
too much respect for the Senate
Of the United States to divide
time between his constitutional
duty as President of the Senate
and the political duties thai
would have devolved upon hin
had he accepted Simultaneous!
the job Of vice manager and as
| sistant campaign manager.
The Washington times., 1936-03-16

settled.
In his war against utilities he
has waged a campaign which has
provoked the admiration of vet
eran anti-utility men such as
Senator George w. Norris and
others.
There have been numerous
charges of extravaganza and in
justice in WPA laid at Hopkins
door. Most of them, however, have
been weak attempts to reveal the
conditions existing in the Works
Progress Adm inistration. And
those men who made the charges
have soon forgotten or forgiven.
Holt is of different type. He
does not forget or forgive when
he believes he has uncovered a
bad situation. In connection with
WPA expenditures. in West Vir'
ginia he is convinced that the
conditions are a disgrace, and
says so in plain language.
His charges are not pleasing to
the Administration which would
prefer to have the WPA looked on
as a great aid to the needy.
To stop Hollis charges and his
presentation Of Substantiating evi
dence, however, is another story
The Washington times., 1936-03-16
Don't Dare Speak!

Representative Robert Ramspeck of Georgia. wants to
establish better understanding between Congress and
the people of the District of Columbia.
He tells organizations of the city that they have
agonzed members of Congress because they have been
critical of Congress and of individual members.
This criticism he implies is responsible for the attacks
which are made the District and for the impossby
of getting through Congress much needed local egsla
ton.
Although obviously not intended as such this
position taken by Representative RGmspeck is the
most severe criticism yet IeUeled at Congress.
It is by far indictment against Congress
as the local dictatorship than has been drawn by
local residents.
THE PLAIN IMPLICATION OF REPRESENTA-
TIVE RAMSPECK's ATTITUDE IS THAT CON
GREss IS EITHER UNABLE OR UNWILLING TO
JUDGE LOCAL LEGISLATION ON ITS MERITS
AND IS UNABLE OR UNWILLING TO LISTEN TO
OR ACKNOWLEDGE THE LEGITIMATE RIGHT OF
LOCAL RESIDENTS TO VOICE THEIR FEELINGS
ON LEGISLATION VITALLY AFFECTING THEM
The personal feelings of members of Congress, if
Mr.. Ranlspeck is correct are the dominating factor
in local legislation.
Local legislation is to be the vehicle for Furnishing
those who would dare to differ with members of Con-
gress and is not be legislation drawn up and designed
to promote the fair interests of the city.
THIS IS A sADDER COMMENTARY ON THE
ABILITY OF CONGRESS THAN IT IS ON THE
AMERICANISM OF WAsHINGTONIANS.
Apparently MIR. Ramspeck (who, it should be pointed
out has done great things for the National Capital
and its citizens) thinks that the only way Washing
tonians get their proper consideration from Con
gress is by "eating humble pie:"
We don't believe that Washngtonians accus
toned as they to being deprived of the rights Of
citizenship, yet willing to sink entirely the right
to voice their opinion Of legislation and Of legislators
NOU that Representative Ranaspeck has Iectured
our residents on hOv to conduct themselves in regard
to Congressman hope that he uUU lecture his COL
leagues on hOw to conduct themselves in regard to
Washington.
The Washington times., 1936-03-16

Kle. .IlagS Tying, sirens dow
ing. all signs favorable for
creating a whole crate of classics.
So what? That's what I'm tell
ing you. I wasted that gorgeous
day. did exactly nothing with
it. tossed it away as if it had
been a wad of last weeks gum.
Just for what? Just for STATIC.
STATIC E. if you'll analyze all
life failures, you'll find that in
most cases STATIC lay at the root
of things. The miserable mortalS
didn't MEAN to waste their lives
didn't MEAN to make a
mess of everything. But somehow
STATIC got the best of them.
MANY DEMANDS
First place, they didn't face the
fact that this modern life is a
nightly crammed and compli-
Gated affair, which can't possibly
be lived as Dad and Mother lived
their lives. Generally speaking,
Dad and Mother had just about
The Washington times., 1936-03-16
Listen, World!
BIZ Elsie Robinson

IaS much work, play and incidental
business as they needed to fill
their twenty-four hours comfort
ably. They didn't have to worry
much about planning their per-
formance. They could drift along,
taking things as they came-or
letting things take them.
But you, nowadays, have a hun
dred interests to their one q
hundred demands upon your time.
energy, sympathy and wits. From
shower bath to Shut-eye, this Ma
chine Age rattleS, roars, rings and
raves for attention. Telephones
shrek extra screech taxis
thunder on you in believing bri-
gadeS.
Mabel wants you to come to
SuSie's shower. Jim wants you to
go to the Old Gang rally. You
ought to write a letter to The Folks
you feel like a fool because
you haven't read that new book
and for heavens sake, Wher,
are you going to find time Cor q
facial and finger wave!
Yes, life in 1886 is certainly some
Pressing Performance. And if you
want to get anywhere wi / your
self, you have to pick and protect
. our program with all you've got.
Meaning just what? - ming
that for even the smarteSt and
strongest among us, it is only
possible to do 10 per cent of the
things we'd like to do-feel we
ought to do. Life has become a
matter of mercileSS elimination
cutting out every act but the
vitally essential if you want to get
anything done at all.
WASTED ENERGY
And this doesn't apply simply to
the budgeting of your hours
it's even more necessary to budget
your emotions. Focus and con-
serve your energy. Ride hard on
your own curioSit:, irri+ ility,
laZineSS, hazineSS, Sentimentality.
And likewise the Other Fellows !!
Or else? Or else you'll scatter
like the well-known autumn leaves,
stranger. Find yourself going In
| 1858 different directions at once,
and not getting anywhere with
any of them.
That's what I mean by STATIC,
and that's what happened to my
day. Same thing as happened to
your day, and yours, and yours.
I was rarin' to go. And if had
had the sense and Self-control to
bend all my energies toward doing
the definite job which it was posi-.
BILE for me to do, and had firmly
refused to let any other interests
crash in on my station, I could
have accomplished something with
that day. But, instead, there
was, trying to act like all the Marx
Brothers at once.
What a fool! What a floppy,
f1uttering, fat-headed fool! Will 1,
maybe, some day grow up and be
my age? PerhapS-but I wouldn't t
advise you to bet on it.
(CSDyright. 1885. by King Features
Syndicate. 1nc.)
The Washington times., 1936-03-16
ANOTHER PLAN

Wandering around the halls of
Congress recently was a man who
had just completed the difficult
task of making out his income tax
return.
In the midst of his trouble he
had evolved a scheme to surpasS
the Townsend plan, old age Sc
curity, and to provide an actual
share the wealth" program.
He told legislators that he be-
lieved all persons who are not
now required to file returns
should be made to submit them.
He would change the rule that
exempts single persons with in
comes Of less than $1,000 and
married persons with incomes un-
der $4,000 from filing.
His theory is that by studying
the returns of those who do not
now make enough money to come
within the income tax class and
The Washington times., 1936-03-16
GOOD EXAMPLE?


When the committee was re
Gently considering the bill tt
legalize horse racing in the Dis
trict of Columbia, one witness ad
viSed that his organization hac
agreed to favor the measure.
Representative Everett M. Dirk
sen CR) of Illinois, on questioning
the witness, brought out that
when the organization had voted
on the subject only small per
centage Of its members were
present.
He declared:
"YOu cannot say that your
organization is bound by the
action of such a small per-
centage Of the members and
that because q few citizens
agreed to support racing that
the entire membership favOrs
it,"
The witness advised:
"That is the way you do
things in Congress. When the
House recently acted on the
District appropriation bill it
voted down additional apprO-
priatiOnS when q quorum was
not present.
"The vote was binding on the
entire House.
1--WE do things the same way!"