Milford chronicle., 1936-02-14
FROM THE PAPERS OF
THE IGNoRAMus CLUB
BY STEPHEN LEAcocK

X you remember ] told you,
little while back, about the
IgnOramus club Of which
am the secretary, and how
fishing and talk about back-lOt gar
the idea of the club is to get
away from all the fuss and worry
of the world. and not to know any
thing and not TO care anything
about it. You remember that !
said we don't know where CzechO-
slovakia is and we don't care. If
have spelt it right, ] apologize.
l didn't mean to.
We like to get away from all
that and play golf. and go trout
dening and whether to tie toma-
toes up on a stick or let them run
on the ground. These are the real
things 10 life. You get a few
members Of our club into a keen
falk on tomatoes and you're hear,
ing something.
But, OF course, we like in a
way to keep posted and we like
to do good. And when the idea
came up that IL we held q lunch
It might help to dlsarm Europe,
the members were all for It. The
proposal was that Dean Elderberry
Foible. one Of our senior members
and a Dean Of the college here
(palmistry, I think), should read a
paper on disarmament and that
would draw a good attendance.
especially IL he had fresh asparagus
and lots Of 1t.
Our members will 90 further for
fresh asparagus than anything else
and cold salmon with a
mayonnaise salad and with a clear
soup in front Of It, and after it
one Of those things-what do you
call II, Vol-O-vent?-anyway a Ger.
man name. Some OF the committee
thought 1t too light, that the mem-
bers would be too restless after It |
aud wouldn't listen; a steak and |
kidney pie or cold lobster holds an |
audience down far better. They I
don't wake up much till the end.
80 the upshOt was that McSorley,
he president. decided that we'd
nave the salmon and asparagus,
With the steak and kidney pie on
he side.
So we certainly had a fiHe turn
ut. McSorley had to hit the bell
hree or four times before they
would stop eating. Even while the
Jean was talking some Of them
we're stlll reaching for olives.
McSOrley, when he announced
hat Doctor FOlble would talk on
isarmament, said he looked upon
i'm as the finest classical scholar
D America. But the Dean very
lodestly said on rising that be
rust take exception to that; be was
ure there must be at least 80
Iassical scholars in America as
ood as himself, or IL 80 was an
at any rate 4 dozen,
: say six, or II not six at least two I
, three.
Doctor FOible began By reading
lat the problem Of disarmament !
eDt back to the Greeks and
omans and was one or the chief
fuses Of the Philiponesian war,
ID that even before the Greeks ;
me OF the greatest wars OF the 7
d Babylonians we're due to dis. =
mament.
At that point McSoriey rose and :,
ID he was sorry to interrupt the 3
an but he didn't think that the i
ID wanted to 60 backwards: he n
ubted whether any OF the mem. =
rs knew where Babylon was, !,
art from those who had Travelled :,
Central America: and be said
It the Greeks and Romans seemed a,
city far away too. =
50 Dean ElderberFy Folble, who
always very polite and old.fash. a
Ied. said that perhaps It would m
better II be we're to drop right M
o the modern world: and there ~
s a murmur Of pleasure and ap- NJ
use all around the room. The IA
mbers all sat up again and felt 70
{ they we're going to get some. q