The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1936-03-18
Squaring
the Circle
With
THE HOOSTER EDITOR
+ HOPE no one gets called before

T HOPE no one gets called before
l. military court about the matter,
or has to do kitchen police duty or
police his own barracks, but here is
one on an officer at Fort Benjamin
Harrison that can't go untold.
This particular officer is a con-
firmed hypochondriac. The other
day he called his physician and in
sisted that he meet him in certain
office in a certain building at GER
tain time.
Arriving to keep the appointment,
the physician was surprised to find
the rendezvous was the office of
dentist Inside he learned his Army
friend wanted him around just in
case. He was having tooth pulled.
Note to commanding officer: I
purposely didn't ask the officers
name, so there.
DOLCE departments in three In
Il diana cities sent a representa-
tive each to the special session of
the Indiana Legislature. After they
got here they found they had moth
ing to lobby for. But they stayed
anyway. It was fun.
A friend of mine says this hap
pened. to him. and says I can take
it or leave it. He says he overheard
one lady make this remark to an
other as they were downtown bound
on street car:
why he was SO homely he looked
like a caricature of himself"
CHES a regular customer at one
~ of the local restaurants, and, in
addition, is rather finicky about her
food. The other morning she
walked to the counter, and as her
usual a. m. ritual, inspected every
piece of pastry carefully before
making her selection.
Evidently. she wasn't satisfied, for
she seemed to want a piece that
was very well baked. Finally, one
OF the flip young men behind the
counter SPOKE to the other counter
man.
Tell her" he said, ito keep
quiet and we'll have the bakery
burn up a piece for her tomor-
row."
FTHE Scottie begged his mistress
l. to take him for walk. He'd
been cooped up in the apartmars
all day and he wanted to get out
doors to strut bit before the Spitz
next door.
But his mistress, hurried re-
fused; and the Scottie crept under
the bed. He eyed her sorrowfully
from beneath the spread that hung
over the side.
When the mistress left, however,
he made up his mind that such dis
regard of his wishes should be pun
ished. In the 10 minutes that he
was left alone he vented his anger
on the bedspread and covers.
Carefully, he jerked the covers
down from the mistress side, and
pulled her pillow to the floor. Then,
satisfied, he hid under the refriger-
ator in the kitchen. Even the
spanking he got when she came
home failed to dim his satisfaction
over good deed well done.
MY favorite author, just learned
4V1 today, is the Rev. Judge A. j.
Cotton, Philom, whatever the
"Philom" means. He's author of
"Cotton's Keepsakes" which started
out to be a book of his poems, plus
a couple of poems his brother wrote
and sent to him out here in Indi-
ana.
The book was published in 1858
by Apologize & Co., Cincinnati
that is published for the author,
which means that he paid for it..
Well, after Mr.. Cotton had written
281 pages of poems and was just
about to include his brothers, he
suddenly discovered that to do so
would run the cost of the book to
alarming heights.
So he set down a surprised little
note that his own poetic fecundity
had been so much greater than he
had at first supposed, that now he
found he could not include his
brothers poetry and that it is too
bad, because it was pretty good
verse.
THEN, more than likely on the
Il way to the printer with the
manuscript, he decided to append
an photographed note. This ran
the book up to 373 pages, and in
another note the author announced
that he was alarmed at the size
of the mss.
But before he got to the printers
finally, he ran in a history of In
diana frontier by himself that
brought the book to $50 pages and
the author to the verge of collapse.
Included in the book are ghost
stories, tales of frontier life, tenn
perance tracts, and critical evalu-
alton of his ability as a Judge that
is frank, and it's good thing he
was good.