Evening star., 1936-06-27

- NA.).-The Democrats per-
formed a highly useful bit Of
- public service by busting the
roar machine, or yell-meter. wide open
in their oficial demonstration for
President Roosevelt After hitting
100 decibels six times, the noise yard
stick failed to answer the bell for the
seventh round and was counted out
in its corner.
II you ask me, this roar machine
was very sinister device, something
on the order of Frankenstein's man
Friday. Its builders little recked
when they built 1t that the word
no" for instance, would record
louder and better than such pleasant
words as yes" and aye"
This fact created no little embar-
raSsment when floor vote was taken
on the two-thirds nominating rule.
Up to that time the machine. better
known as Kid Frankenstein. had been
rendering service with a smile and
making itself generally useful. then
1t up and stabbed its benefactors in
the back.
Nays Hit 20 Above.
The chairman said: IAN in
favor" and most of the delegates
said: "Ayel," and Kid Frankenstein
rolled up coy little score of 5O-odd
decibleS. But when the chairman
said: Opposed the kid shot up
to 10, cersting no end OF annoyance
and confusion.
Tskl tskl" said Senator Joe Robin
son. That machine must be on the
blink. or else somebody has Ierpe-
trated a pice Of treachcry Of the deep
est dye"
Experts were called in to explain
the phenomenon, while the delegates
muttered sullenly to themselves ara
Kid Frankenstein sat back IN his
corner with a nasty sneer on his lips.
The experts went into a huddle. They
found a solution.
Excuse it, please, Senator" they
said. This Is q well-meaning ma
chine, brimming over with the milk
Of human kindness, but the word No
happens to be louder and deeper than
the word. Aye" and there is nothing
we can do about it."
This pacified Senator Robinson, but
the delegates did not forget their be-
trayal. They came back to the next
session-the nominating session
with q spirit Of vengeance that bodod
no good to Kid Frankenstein.
Knockout for Kid.
AS soon as Judge John z. Mack
mentioned the name of Franklin u.
Roosevelt, the delegates began to yell.
They showered Kid Frankenstein with
uppercuts which drove his chin back
and ran the meter up to 100 decibels
six times in quick succession. The
Kid stalled for time, but he was out
on his feet. Presently the towel came
flying in from his corner. Kid Frank
enstein was through The delegates,
fresh as daisies, celebrated their tri-
umph with So minutes of unmeasured
shouting and yelling. Vibrations sailed
through the air unmarked and un-
noted. Decibels were a dime q dozen.
The box score shows that the Demo-
Gratis out-yelled the Republican dele
gates both quantitatively and quail
tatively. Unfortunately, Kid Frank
enstein, the oflcial scorer, was in no
position to supply complete line of
statistics at the end of the game.
Good Private Gadget.
do not think it is the part Of wis
dom to bring Kid Frankenstein back
to life, except as purely private COM
mercial device. A roar machine would
be a handy office gadget for such
grave and sincere students of the
science Of yelling as Jimmy Johnston
and Joe Jacobs. can see Jimmy now.
keeping his eye on the machine as he
strives to better his own record for
yelling on a dry track. with clean
acoustics.
But the Roar machine has no place
in public life. Too treacherous.
With the Democratic convention
over. to all intents and purposes, the
boys are planning to kill the bottle
with monster ovation for the Presi-
dent at Franklin Field, the scene of
many an Army-NaVy game. The rally
is being organized by big James
Farley, and it presents many points
Of interest to the connoiSseur Of tickets
and seating capacities.
PIastering Tickets About.
You see, big James is papering. his
house in such wholehearted way that
there are 100000 tickets Of admission
and only $1,000 seats, at the most
If all the tickst-holders accept Jim's
invitation to be present, the result
will make the black hole of Calcutta
look like an open prairie on Sunday
morning.
But Jim Is taking no chances On a
slim house. He wants a rally that is
rally, If he has to split the walls
Of Franklin Field and stretch the
goal posts from Maine to Florida in
the process. Nobody knows Just what
the President will say about his
second nomination, but I have a
secret and exclusive hunch that he'll
accept it.
Wait and see.
lCopyriKht 1Q3Rh