The McDowell times. [volume] (Keystone, W. Va.) 1904-1941, 1936-09-25
WHAT is A COLLEGE?

IT CAME about that early one
Autumn, during the Days when
the Ippies and the XII Yis were
rushing the Freshmen, looking for
Saxophone Players, there came to
the Campus of Bingham an OLE Grad
who had been Football Hero away
back yonder. He had with him the
Only Son, just out of Prep School,
the Offspring was a Husky who
looked like an incipient Lumberjack
and walked like a Sailor. He was
thrice welcome at good old Bingham
because he had all the Ear-Marks
of Bird who might travel in the
Footsteps of his illustrious Dad and
butt large irregular Holes in the
opposing Elevens and especially the
hated Atwater.
Now it happened that Beef" Hin
kle, the honored Alumnus whose
Achievements on the blood-soaked
Gridiron were preserved in the Folk
Lore of the School, had been a class
mate of Erasmus Twigg, DOLL,
Ph. D., ETC.. now the honored Prexy.
Beef had kept on bucking the
Line and mussing up the Opposition
after coping his Degree and it was
generally agreed that he had put
away more Kale than you could
load on an Army Truck. For every
Degree that Erasmus had annexed,
Beef" had swiped another Hunk of
Currency.
One operated in the quiet Clois-
tiers and the other was up to his
Neck in Battle. One was the Apos-
tie of Scholasticism and the Other
was the Disciple of Rough and Tum-
bic, but when they met on the Cam
pus they were just ike a couple of
Twins, for they had sung in the
same Glee Club in the Days OF Yore,
and each had large and glowing
admiration for the other.
Beef" explained to Erasmus that
he had brought the Kid back to the
dear old knowledge Works so as to
head him in the right direction and
be sure that he got all the Education
he could stand.
ANYTHING POSSIBLE THESE
DAYS
Erasmus was full of Al Advice.
He said that if Beef would help
him, between the two of them they
might find it possible to make young
Mr.. Hinkle Credit to Himself and
to the College.
Erasmus said that the average So
called student was so alfred busy
with House Parties, Dramatics, Jazz
Bands, Daily Papers, Pop Sessions
and other extraneous Forms of Low
Brow Excitement that he seemed to
regard REGULATIONS as Side Issue.
Beef" listened with great Re
spect. Then he said to Erasmus: Il
get you, Erasmus. l know Just how
riled you are because these i'm
pulsive Commanches are interested
in the Things that interest them,
instead of being keen for the Pur-
suits which appeal to One of your
sedentary Habits, with a Blood
Pressure below 100. The Situation
which is fussing you seems to have
got the Goat of many an Educator.
Hence all the earnest Talk About
abolishing Athletics. Mebbe it could
be done.
'In these days of Prevention, Re
striction and Regulation l suppose
we well find out how to lay a Man
on Table and surgically remove
all of the usual Impulses which he
has inherited from a long line of
tough Ancestors. Possibly you can
convert every Institution of Learn
ing into Workshop surrounded by
stately Elms."
PREXY DIsAPPROvES DIDOEs
Erasmus allowed that what this
beetle-browed Country needs, next
to a noiseless Auto-Horn, is a GEN
.eral Leaven of Culture. He said
that in England the Varsity Men
bring to their various Professions a
lot of Dignity and an abiding Love
for all that is top-notch in Litera-
ture, Science and the Arts.
II was Time to tighter, I,r, apd