The Washington times., 1936-07-23
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
BY Louis SObOl-
"SIice Mine Thin"

N---~-N~O
Wilson Johns Woodruff, els that
I do read the Broadway columns
and the sports columns and, God
help me, even the radio and
movie columns. If it weren't
that the WOOdruffS, back to the
days when a great, great, great
grandpappy Of mine fought in
G. WaShingtOn's army against
the Hessians have always been q
sane, sound. thinking, cOnscienti-
Gus set Of folks, I'd begin to
worry II can't for the life OF
me see any justification for the
great hulIabalOO and precious
newspaper space wasted on this
fad they call the column /
exempt the sO-caIled serious
columns - those which devote
themselves to national and inter
national affairs. My One-man
rebellion is directed against the
columns which swirl and buzz
about trivial things-the size OF
CARLOS feet, the distance q Di-
Maggie can hit ball, the way
MIR. VaIIee combs his hair just
before starting to Groom. Are we
men or are we mice? How much
longer must we put up with this
drivel?-when the whole world
is in tumult, when big nations
bully small nations and get away
with it; when thousands are dy-
ing of starvation right in this
country, when we don't know 1T
this moment that We may not
MI be facing . famine next year
rs the result Of the drought?
If I'm stepping too heavily on
your t0es-dOn't pardon me. It's
the way / feel"
Well, as one whose toes have
been stepped on, take it from me,
I'm for bigger and more columns
Of the frothier type. I'm all FOL
working myself into a frenzy over
the power Of a DiMaggio OF
Gehrig drive or the smooth swim
ming stroke Of an Eleanor Holm
or the tilt Of a Myrna Logs nose
Let's all gang up and fuss about
the frivolous and the trivial. I'd
rather get into an argument over
tha size of CARLOS feet than to
have to scurry for shelter behind
a wall because somebody who held
beliefs opposite to mine was walt
ing to take a pot shot at me.
Mr.. WoOdruff's daily paper
will tell him that government OF
Spain is i'm danger Of Crumbling,
that scores are being slain In
the busy streets Of Spanish
cities. He will read Of civil war
in Canton, Of agitation against
foreigners in Venezuela, OF new
&abOOs in Germany, of unrest in
France. Only the other day an
attempt was made to assassinate
EngIand's popular young mon
arch. There are plenty Of seri-
Gus events chrOniCIed daily IN
the newspapers for all the Wood
ruffs to read and feed upon.
There are murders, airplane and
automobile tragedies, rObberies
and political frauds. Plenty OF
major and minor hatredS and
prosecutions.
It's a sorrier world today than
It was IS years ago-or at least IT
seems that way to one observer
who can recall no such world dis
tress at that time. Perhaps it's
because people are beginning to
concern themselves so much with
what they call the serious things
Of life instead of being happy and
content with the trivial. I'm not
such a fatuous fathead as to at
tempt to preach pollyannish in.
antics about how swell the world
is and how nice it is to be alive
and breathe the fresh air and lis
ten to the birds sing when / know
that thousands are homeless and
destitute, that thousands are be-
ing prosecuted for their beliefs,
that the war gods are polishing
up their armor. Personally, ]
think the world is getting load
of rotten breaks these days-and
that's why I say gents like Mr.
Woodruff are completely damp
when they think this is the time to
abolish the trivial and concen'
trate on the serious.
"Let people get themselves
worked up into q lather over .
baseball game or a prize fight
let them giggle over q feeble gag
in 2 Broadway column, let them
!. write in letters of protest be-
cause they don't like the shape
of ValIee's head or the position
of Gables ears. Let them ex-
pend all tn ,ir energies on these
incOnsequentialS you'll find
them less liable to join anti
government parties or Black
LegiOns or Fascist campaigns.
Yessir, I'm all for the John
Andersons and the Bill CorumS
the Dinty DoyleS and the Billy
Benedicks. A Corum devotes his
whole column to a description Of
odd Mcintyre at work and re
calls his own boyhood days in
a country town. That's fine
That's the stuff. You read that
to the last period and you forget
for a time that elsewhere-near
er the front of the paper-there