The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1936-11-05

fair but careless Irwin S. Cobb
land.
Once there was a Maine guide
so the old story runs-who got gosh
awfully tired of being shot at by
city slickers. So he made complete
suit of broad awning stripes, al
ternately white and black. He fig
ured that ought to save him, but,
on his next trip into the woods, an
amateur potted him the first shot.
At the inquest, the coroner said:
"We know you didn't mean to
kill poor Eph, but how in thunder
did you think man dressed like
him could be a deer?"
81 didn't think he was deer"
confessed the remorseful one, ~
thought he was a zebra"
Antics of "Automaniacs".
1T MUST indeed be true that provi-
L dence looks after idiots and drunk
ards. Else how could all such be
able to get drivers licenses?
/ rode with a prize specimen yes
terday He seemed lucid enough I'M
til he got his foot on the gas. That
was what fooled me. If ever l ride
with him again, which heaven for
bid, shall carry lily in my hand
just in case.
We had set of overcoat but
tons, the top off of stop signal and
part of a gocart in our car when
we arrived. So we didn't actually
hit anybody, this being due, think,
to his holding dead on the mark
instead of leading it by few inches,
as one should when ones target is
moving. He hopes for better luck
next time.
Yet there was 10 rush. There
rarely is. And that's the funny part
about an automaniac's reactions.
It's the only funny part-the rest is
tragedy.
The Simpson src;r.
II HE simple name of Simpson
Il has become practically house
hold word in America, but tbs said
millions of English people haven't
so much as heard it yet-or at least
rot in their public prints. It's an
other case of having to go away
from home to hear the news.
If it's true, as exclusively reported
over here, that his majesty invited
a premier and primate-two of the
highest cards in the whole deck
to mind their own business, he set
the tune for the daily press of his
realm to dance by.
However, the British newspapers
never did develop the high arts OF
keyhole peeping and transom lift
ing to the extent practiced by
certain peculiar school of Ameri-
can journalism. With them, an Eng
hshman's house still is his castle,
though it be glass house. Or even
a royal palace.
But some of the London gossip
writer's must be so swollen up with
strangulated copy they've probably
had to have their clothes let out.
Now, if haply twas purely Yankee
affair-instead of being, as it were,
-ffty-how those boys would love
to cut loose.
A Job for the New President.
IF, in his first message to TIE
next congress, our newly-elected
President-should come right on,
ard advocate the following things:
First-Taking steps to collect, or
at least try to collect, what those
defaulting debtor nations owe us;
notwithstanding the proper de-
partments promptly to deport all
aliens Illegally admitted to this coun-
try and therefore here in defiance
of our immigration laws; third
authorizing immediate action so that
all unnaturalized communists and
other foreign-born enemies of the
government which shelters them
including especially such of these as
are on federal relief rolls or hold
private jobs to the exclusion of citi-
zens-shall be put out of this coun-
try and kept out.
Well, if he did do those very
things, there wouldn't be, as Adam
Bede once said, a dry throat left
among the kind of Americans l troll
around with.
IRWIN S. COBB.
Copyright.-a NJ Service.