The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1936-07-30
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
-ByLOuiS SObOI-

~ Ow~T
By Louis SObOl-
The Contributor!
He is quite certain that If it
weren't for q freak twist of luck,
your positions would be reversed.
He is willing, however, to be
helpful.
He holds you in complete
scOrn but prefaceS his "dOna-
ton" with the observation that
he wouldn't miss your column
and prefers it to all others.
Sometimes he erupts into q
rash Of frankneSS by insisting
that you are consistently in error
and hopes you won't mind his crit
icisns because he has always ad-
mired you personally.
He deplores your gullibility and
points to instances where you re-
peated bearded anecdotes (con-
tributed, Of course, by others). He
guarantees that this is a simon
pure original: Cup in Callander,
ontario, babies are Just a Dionne
q Dozen"
II he IL a ureSS agent, he will
forward you . masterpiece Of
eruditiOn, c0uched in ripping
poetic English-and credit 1t to
q Phil Spitalny or q RubinOff
or some other dialectician.
He sends you q paragraph on
Monday and II it doesn't appear
by Tuesday you receive a special
delivery letter on Wednesday
threatening that If you don't run
it on Thursday he will give 1t to
rival columnist on Friday.
(Strictly a five-day worker0
He is the close friend Of a
close friend Of a bosom pal and
if you print his poem he will
ask nothing in return except a
pair of seats to a good musical
He would like you to print the
poem anyway becouse OF the
close relationship.
He knows you will want to
print this poem because he first
sent it to your Alma Mater, the
Waterbury Republican, which
printed it right on the editorial
page.
He is sending you this very
exclusive story (Greta Carlo
is positively quitting the movies
next season. on one condition.
viii you grant him an hour
Of vOur time for q discussion
Of a very important problem.
THE problem usually is-can
YOU help me get job? l USED
to be editor Of the high scnOoA
paper.)
If he is a press agent, he pencils
across his exclusive release CJoe
Doakes wears kid gloves from De
cember to MarchD-"n you DOM
give me a break on this one, I'll
lose this account. You are only
one who doesn't give me a break"
If you're sOft-hearted and
give his client the break, you
get q wire? 81 am sorry you
had to take advantage Of your
position to kid my client about
wearing kid gloves. will prob
ably lose this account and /
have you to thank"
She Is a graduate Of the Misses
Susie's School Of Fine Arts for
Fine Young Ladies where she
majored in literature. She has
always loved you for your grand
understanding and appreciation
of the finer things and so she Is
submitting a 5000 word thesis for
your 1900 word column on the
hobbies of the ancient Phoeni-
clans which she is certain will
thrill your Broadway readers.
It is written Gas you might ex-
pect) in long hand.
She writes you two days later,
expressing bitter disappointment
and vows never again to read
you as long as she liveS-neVer,
never, never.
She Is the mother Of a pre-
cOcious darling aged I who, with
his own cute tiny little hands,
has written out the masterpiece
encloseG-please print it at the
top Of your column and she
promises to buy half q dozen
copies of the Journal.
He Is only a friend and you
mustn't think his motives are any
thing but altruistic but If you can
find space to mention-just line
or two, understand - that the
finest, rarest, choicest furs can
be purchased at C. L. Bearwolf,
he will arrange for your wife to
get herself handsome sable cape
at a 10 per cent diScount-Strictly
Q. T., understand.
Fair, Cool Weather