Milford chronicle. [volume] (Milford, Del.) 1878-1974, 1936-05-29
THE INFLUENCING
HEROINE

n nee there was a Good WON
an who. next to Mary Queen
~ OF Scots, probably suffered
more than any other PrOmi.
nent Lady of whom we have Rec
ord. It will be recalled that Mary
started out as a proud Monarch. and
finished up as a Martyr, while Mrs.
WambO started out as Democratic
Fixture and finished up as a Gazelle.
The unfortunate Queen of Scots had
her head cut of. Mrs. WambO did
not go quite that far. but she under
went a Major Operation. which
seemed Just as important. and
which was preceded by as much
Suspense. Doubt and Temptation as
that which racked the Royal Prls-
Oner.
Mrs. WambO, before she got into
the Jam. had been married so many
Years flat she had concealed all the
Records and changed the Subject
when some careless Friend began to
dig up Dates. She owned up to re-
memberlng the Spanish-American
War, hut the Details had become
blurred. because she was so young
at the Time
Whatever may have been her Vim
tage. she had a holy Horror of look
ing old. or feeling old, or acting as
II on the Retired List. She referred
to the other Brldgers as "Girls" and
would warn any Bachelor, on the
slightest PrOvOcation. that her Hus
band was Jealous.
She had a Fair Of Scales in her
Bath Room and had tried a Facial
Mask and six or seven Years ago
had learned to walk loose and
shouchy, like a Leading Lady In
Sc Show. Also she wore a One-pieee
ContraptlOn which concealed her
Knee Caps unless she had to sit in
a Steamer Chair.
SEVEN SUTHERLAND SISTERS
She had a perfectly laudable Am
bition to keep on looking an In
genue until they chopped her down.
When she got red in the face after
dancing continuously for about for
ty Minutes. she kidded herself that
the High Color was the Flush Of
Glrlhood instead of a warning
against ApOplexy.
From this Preamble It win be evil
dent that her name should have
been Mrs. Ponce de Leon. If there
was any Fountain Of Youth, she
wanted to hunt it up and dive In,
head first.
It happened that one morning
Mrs. WambO awoke and discovered
that the Seven Sutherland Sisters
had become a Joke. It may be re-
that these Girls had
tresses which swept the Ground and
we're coplous all the way down.
When all Of the seven were punched.
the View from behind was like that
Of Niagara Falls.
I Mrs. Wambo recalled that, in her
Seminary Days, it was the longing
Of every Sub-Deb to be a Suther-
land. so that when the Mop was let
down it would reach to the Ankles.
In fact, 1t seemed that Long Hair
had been the Rage from the Days Of
Eve, Cleopatra and Lady Godlva.
Imagine the Shock which came to
Mrs. WambO when she learned that
he Fiappers. instead Of wearing It
Town to the Ankles, had decided to
year it only as far as the first
Vertebrae. Some modern
loan Of Arc. residing In Paris, had
AIKEN a Tip from the Dutch Kids
md Buster Brown and had ampu-
ated the whole Works just below
he Ears. II seemed that within "a
Iours all the cutIes In the world
we're throbbing with Excitement
nd wondering If they would dare to
ollow Suit.
SITUATION LOOKS GRAVE
The answer was not long delayed.
IN Of the Young Ones fell for the
'ad.
Hairpins ana Side Combs sudden
I became a Drug on the Market
ut all the Factories making TOllet
Gap began TO work Night Shifts.