Evening star., 1936-04-19

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political conventions in skit staged
in a railroad station where a large
crowd dressed in Summer costumes
milled about, stumbling over suit
cases and bags of golf sticks, as the
station announcer vainly tried to
persuade delegates to take their
places in the smoke filled smoker"
of trains leaving for Cleveland and
Philadelphia on track 1886.
Hoover and Allen.
A figure in double-breasted blue
jacket, white flannel trousers, high
'choker" collar and small round
straw hat with an upturned brim, ad-
dressed the station master in a mono
tone. Beside him stood a figure in
a white grown, typewriter strapped
around his waist. They were identi-
fed as Herbert Hoover and Ben Allen,
his ghost writer.
Allen, you've heard no idle rumors
that the American people are express
ing indifference to the august leader
ship which I have the honor to pro-
vide?" asked Hoover, as the assem-
bled company loudly groaned.
Chief replied the ghost writer,
1.-The sad truth is that a prophet is
without honor, save in Palo Alto"
Surprised. Hoover plaintively ad-
dressed the crowd in song to the tune
OF Say 1t Isn't So"
Enter, Mr.. Vandenberg.
In frock coat, wing collar, striped
trousers and horned-rim spectacles,
Senator Arthur H Vandenberg pre-
Sented his railroad ticket and was
told that he was in the same COM
partment with Hoover.
Senator Vandenberg," said Hoover,
with bow. "it will be pleasure to
travel along with you"
Not on your life" angrily replied
Vandenberg. Thanks for nothing.
John J. Raskob next approached the
station master, explaining he wished
to 60 to the Democratic convention
because i've got to go somewhere this
Summer" Asked what he planned to
do at Philadelphia, he said he would
suggest to the President that "it's high
time the chairman of the Democratic
National Committee resigned as Post
master General"
AS Farley stepped up with his ticket,
the stationmaster. perplexed. asked II
he had not just heard something
about a resignation.
"Aw, be yourself" replies the Post
master General. mot while I'm in
control of the mails!"
Train whistles announced the time
for departure had come. Farley laugh
ingly said, Let the Republicans go
ahead and hold their convention
it'll get the hotels out of the red"
As for the Democrats, they were
going to fix the crack in the Liberty
Bell and renominate Franklin D.
Roosevelt" said Farley.
Tobacco Road Version.
Next came a presentation by The
Boondoggle Theater Guild" of an ex-
purgated version of Tobacco Road,
with Jeeter Lester as "a New Deal
cracker" AS Ma Lester complained
of the lack of food in the cabin.
Jeeter sought to console her by say
ing that "lustful appetite for food is
what makes dupes for capitalism"
Jeeter tried to read from a book
by Prof. Tugwell, but Ma struck the
book from his hand, asking Jeeter II
he thought he were the President.
Scratching himself elaborately, Jeeter
undertook to tell what he would do
if he were President.
He said he would start right OF
by promising to drive the money
changers out of the temple" but if
four years later the money changers
we're still in the temple. Jeeter OBJ
served, he would expect the people to
give him another term in order to
finish the job. People are trustful,
thataway," he unused.
Jeeter said he would stabilize the
currency on a commodity dollar, using
cotton as the commodity. He would
have the Government buy cotton until
the price reached S1.2S a pound And
Jeeter guessed if he were President
he would crack down on everybody
that didn't agree with me, including
the Supreme Court"
well, suppose the people showed
they wuz strong for the Supreme
Court?" asked Ma.
Why" said Jeeter, shifting his
quid, why'd shut up mighty quick
till after the election"
Bottles Not Victuals.
Bud, the Lester son, in ragged shirt
and knee pants, finally arrived with
a heavily laden basket. But instead
of groceries it contained bottles OF
"Dr. Tugwell's Resettlement Specific, !"
the New Deal EXterminator or Rough
on the Rich" "Eccles' Infationary
fluid" which works as you Sleep"
and a bottle of old Doc Roosevelt's
Elixir of the More Abundant Life
good so long as there's any life left"
But where in all tarnation is the
victuals?" screamed Ma.
Hell, Ma" exclaimed Jeeter, who
wants victuals when they kin get
medicine"
The New Deal proposal to tax the
undiStributed earnings OF corpora
tions was depicted in playlet entitled
Nobody Loves Fat Man" Bob
Doughton and Sam Hill, those two
braWny masseurs and the twins OF
ways and means are at work in Frank
Inns Turkish bath on Capitol Hill
when Secretary of the Treasury Nor
genthau arrives, dragging along a
loudly protesting fat man.
THE boss says this guy has too
much surplus" Morgenthau an
nounces. Massage it off-and sweat
all the dividends out of him."
Allow Breathing Spell
Despite the fat mans struggles, Hill
and Doughton threw him on mas
sage table and began to pummel him
roughly.
The telephone rang and Doughton,
after answering it, reported that 1.-THE
boss says if we're through with this
guy, he can have a breathing SPELL"
Not breathing SPELL" gasped the