Milford chronicle., 1936-05-22
THE CROSS WORD FOR
EVERY HOUR

n nee there was a man named
Alfred Cumback who
~ thought that he had a Pat
ent Right on Physical Pain
Nervous Tension and all other forms
OF Agony. Up to the time that he
began to feel Rocky there never had
been any genuine deep-seated Suffer
ing on the part of any Member of
the Human Family.
Whenever he was burning low
and the whole Universe was heavily
festoOned with Grape and the only
Flowers blooming were the Lilies
used at first-class Funerals. and no
Birds sang except the HoOt-Owl and
the Whip-POOr- VIII, it was then that
Mr.. Cumback found his only Relief
In cussing audibly and making
dreadfully sarcastic Remarks to the
Imbeciles who were deliberately in.
tent upon driving him TO the Foolish
House.
The OnlE Joy that he could ex-
tract from a drab Existence was
that Of tOasting. panning, bawling
out and harpOOning those who got
his Goat and stuck pins into his
InmOst Soul. The average American
is lOng-suffering and doesn't at all
object To being kicked thirty or for
ty Times In the Same Place. but not
so with Mr.. Cumback.
In a way he was a Reformer. He
believed that many Of the Abuses
which have grown up in this so.
called Paradise known as the q. S.
A. could be blamed upon the spine
ess and unresistlng Common People |
who were. as you might say. hollow
below the Ribs. Mr.. Cumback prob
ably understood that he could not |
right all the Wrongs while he had
40 Assists from the other Players.
put he had the glorious Satisfaction
Of knowing that he put up a Battle
when anyone tried to sew Buttons
on him. He probably couldn't make
aonest-tO-gOOdness Men and Women
out Of Whippets and SnoOfs but he
got his only pleasant Thrills out of
diving them the Medicine they need.
ed. viz, the old and brutal Truth.
TWO PROMINENT cLUBMEN
AT WORK
For instance. he was the only
Person who had the sublime COur-
age to hOp onto the Greek God
with the Square Shoulders and gum.
my Hair who has consented to act
as salesman in a Haberdasbery,
pending his Marriage to some we'll
known Heiress. This He. Sparrow
was meat for Mr.. Cnmback. lie had
observed that when a wOuld.be Gus
toner walks into a Gents Furnish
ing Establishment to Pajama him
self or lay in a new flock OF Studs.
usually be is compelled to wait until
The two prominent Clubmen behind
The Showcase get through discuss
ing some urgent Scandal which is
sgItating their Set. MIR. Cumback
had vowed that they would never
stand him up. like an old Umbrella.
without getting a few Keepsakes in
return.
He never interrupted Cuthbert
md Llewellyn while they were at IT.
,ut after they had concluded. and
me of them came to Mr.. Cumback
md asked. as he lifted the Eyebrow.
yes. what is IT." that was when
he molten Lava began to flow.
Before introducing any sOrdid
Topics into a Morning
which seems more or less devoted to
Social intercourse. should like to
lsk a Question. If am not pre-
he would say. "Alay I
sk the Question:
"Certainly." the Salesman would
eply. wondering what new kind Of
cuckoo had come IN from the Street
0 avoid the Crowds.
II should like to know II, when
Ou are discussing your Private Al
airs with some other Man about {
'own, It annOys you or dlsturbs
our Temperament TO have some
outsider come IN and want TO buy a
iondsg You see. Geoifrey. want to {