The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1936-09-25


great powers, we
are the most woe
fully behind in the
matter of airplane
protection. 1t would a
take us two years to SszSasS as1s
make our air force Irwin 8. Cobb
as strong as it was
four years ago. 1t would take in
flnitely longer than that to make
it as strong as the present footing
of any country which conceivably
might attack us.
Well, we could always lock the
stable after the horse was gone-if
the stable hadn't been blown fiat.
Rules for Long Life.
a JAPANESE doctor has landed
"A with the word that, by follow
ing a few simple rules, a fellow
lives to be 240 years old. He didn't
say, but I figure this applies only
to those of us who never go motor
ing.
The principal rules are to sleep
on a hard mattress with metal
pillow and learn to wriggle like a
goldfish. Whether, in time, the be-
ginner sprouts gills and fantail is
not stated, but it sounds plausible.
I've already spoken to tinsmith
about pillow and, on awakening
this morning, made few expert
mental wriggles. My intentions
might fool some people, but l don't
believe they'd fool a goldfish, unless
he'd been drinking or something.
I'm afraid my filming was faulty.
Besides, didn't feel any too digni-
fied-greeting the dewy dawn by
behaving goldfishiously.
War Names Confusing.
MOT content with coming eighty
or ninety separate different
and confusing names for the oppos-
ing forces in Spain, the correspond
ents have gone and thunk up a
plum BRAN new one-extremists.
Maybe, though, the point is well
taken. The dispatches would seem
rather to indicate that quite num-
Der of persons over t,.ere have late
ly shown a tendency to verge to-
ward the extreme.
And picking out the various par
ties mixed UP in the French politi-
cal mess-that's another tough job.
Only today l ran into this one-left-
centrist. 1t sort of suggests Ty Cobb
in his palmy days, covering the
outfeld. But-that couldn't be be-
cause the French don't go in for
baseball. They prefer dueling as be-
ing just as exciting.
must say it's discouraging just
when, by following the news from
Paris, I'm beginning to get the Reds
unscrambled from the Pale Pinks,
and the Mauves from the Hello
tropes, and the Holy Rollers from
the Merry Widows, to have this add
ed complication bust right in my
face. Looks as though I'll have to
start it all over again.
How to Reduce.
EVER since the day when I was
- known among friends as Thy
roid Deficiency Irvy, the human de-
tour, I've fought the losing fight
against overweight.
I tried dieting and became the
best friend the American spinach in
dustry ever knew, yet had only to
turn my head to brag and I re-
gained, practically instantaneously,
what I'd lost. I exercised until I
had the filters, but when I'd taken
off half a pound, it bounced right
back while the doctors were reviv-
ing me.
But now I've found the absolute
ly certain cure for reduction. It's
working in a moving picture with
little Jane Withers. When she sets
the pace you can track yourself
back home by your own perspira-
ton. Another engagement with
jamie and I could be rented out
as my own living skeleton.
Has Memories of Valencia.
I rs hard to concentrate on PEN
nant fights in the big leagues
when we read of war-racked Spain,
with 100000 already dead.
hope the lovely old city of Va
lencia has escaped the common ru-
in. Seven years ago I was travel
ing around and about over three
continents, and at every stop had
listened morning, noon and night,
to the song Valencia"
So friend and I made a pilgrim
age to the town in which presum-
ably, the thing originated, and Va
lencia turned out to be the one spot
on the map where nobody had ever
played that tune or sung it or
hummed it or whistled it, or even
heard of it.
It was indeed a relief. So we
stayed week. The sherry-and-
egg before luncheon was also quite
cOod-all but the egg!~ ssrf