The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1936-04-22
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Capital Gums
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nv HELEN EsSARY


BY HELEN EsSARY
A Nasty New Yorker asked nj
the other day:
'eYou don't really think you've
got . brilliant society down
there In washington, do your"
'sCertainly," said. "We've
statesmen and warriors and
writers! Distinguished Citizens
by the thousands.
sBut you are 30 violently 20
Rltical and so family artistic,
musical and literary" persisted
the Nasty New Yorker.
"Who's the wit Of your Capt.
tal?" he continued. "WhO, for
example, Is your Dean Swift?
Your TalIeyrand? Who among
you are cOnversatiOnalistS just
for the Joy Of conversation and
mot because Of axes to grind?
Who with sharp phrase can
cut through your sham and
SkulIduggery and rip your pre-.
fences to tatters? Why you
haven't even q Dorothy Parker"
The attack was so violent and
unexpected that for a moment
there seemed no answer. thought
Q while, sort Of desperately.
The name Of no flashing Satirist
came Immediately to my mind.
Could it be that there lived
among us no epigramatist whose
phrases we're quoted at luncheon
and dinner tables in this manner
'Did you hear what
said the other night" Or.
wasn't that . superb answer
that - gave?"
When / returned to Washing.
ton 1 began asking of our own
citizenry the question the New
Yorker had put to me. Who was
the person in this supposedly cos.
mopolitan society who had unfor.
gettable humor and a gayety ri.
pened by wisdom?
The answer to my inquiries
were at first vague and discour-
aging.
I was told that day of the Bon
Mot is over.
The wise crack has. turned its
delicate spice into slang. Gossip
has gone anatomical. Profanity
Is the prop Of the raconteur.
Light hearted phrase making
has CONCEALED into rabble rousing
speeches or vote-getting plati-
tudeS-even at dinner tables.
Then happily the name Of one
Washington candidate for the
Swiftian toga did occur to me.
Sir Wilmott Lewis! There, /
said, lis my nomination.
Sir Wilmott has imagination,
q vocabulary and a beautiful lack
Of reverence for things as they
seem to be.
He has only one handicap for
the washington title. He is not
an American. He is the Wash
ington correspondent for the Lon
don Times. And as loyal a Brit
Usher as ever went to Oxford.
Thus launched on my dis
covery of washington humoristS
I thought of several women with
sparkling minds. Alice Longworth
has q reputation as a wit. Her
remarks once quoted happily are
now Syndicated.
Mrs. William E. Borah has a
humor that creepS up on you and
leaves you floundering.
Mrs. Homer Cummings, wife of
the Attorney General has wit
with a rapier thrust.
Madame Simopoulos, wife Of
the Greek Minister to London,
had q clever and penetrating
tongue. Washington adored her
observations.
Mrs. Wallach Merriam has an
OuCSpoKen pleasure In the r1o1cu-
lous.
z
Other men suggest themselves
as candidates for the washington
Society of HumoriStS.
Dean Acheson, for example. And
DemetriuS Sicilianos, the Greek
Minister.
Supreme Court Justice Cardoza
has o subtle elusive fancy. Donald
Richherg has a flair for piquant
understatement.
Rear Admiral Cary T. Grayson,
chairman of the American Red
Cross, tells absurd stories. So does
Col. Edwin M. Watson, Military
Aide to President Roosevelt. DR..
Hans Kinder has a sudden hui.
NOR. Joseph P. Tumulty is good
with a jest. SO is Senator Alben
w. Barley.
Senator Carter Glass, of Wiz.
ginia, can neatly penetrate the
heart Of an enemy with a pun,
gent question. The Secretary of
the Interior. Harry L. Ickes, when
he isn't being too honest, .devas.