The Washington times., 1936-03-23
NOW
Amazing Notes
On Capital
READ, WEEP
By HELEN ESSARY

By HELEN ESSARY
The following startling lettel
arrived from New York this Blue
Monday morning:
"Dear Helen Essary: When I
had . Washington job in the
mad youth of the New Deal, ]
used to read your column. To-
day saw another one of your
stories and it amused me to
realize that you are still being
overcome by people Of supposed
importance, 1 have jOtted down
herewith for you few little
ideas Of the way the Capital'on'
the-POtOmac seems to me.
"OFFTCIAL-DUMB"
'CTOO often q Washington Of
ficial l. q man who was so in
competent in private life that he
could not earn 8 living, and con-
sequently sought public office
where he governs the cOmpetent
who can earn enough to support
both him and themselves.
"The competent do not gen
orally seek public office in this
country. They can make more
money at undertaking, running
bowling alleys, saloons, playing
baseball or selling bathroom fix.
lures. Some of them might De
willing to take office and fOregO
their low desires for cash II
there was compensation for the
loss of money in the honor OF
holding public office.
"But there is no honor.
Consider, for instance, the Con.
gressman, one of Gods lOwliest
and meekest creatures, thread
ing his way palely and anOny'
mOusly through q world too
busy to know that he is alive.
His life and his ways are
as obscure and mysterious to
Washington hOStesSeS as the
love life Of Black Sea eels. On
the stage he is presented as a
low comedy figure; off the
stage he is a hero only to his
wife. who is grateful that ne
brought her cut Of the sticks
to the city.
Compare q business man
and a Congressman entering q
night club. The B. M. is brisk,
assured, confident. George, he
SAYS to the head-waiter. get
me q good ringside table And
George, with the lightning
quick apprsising eyes Of walt
ers, looks him over, says fright
this way, sir" leads him to
one of the best tables and
deftly removes q reserved card
as he pulls out . chair for the
business mans lady.
"And the Congressman? He
stands at the door Of the night
club, showing down his bulging
boiled shirt, lingering his ready
made black tie, smoothing his
congressional locks. He looks
the picture of indecisiOn that
Lady Navarro presents in the
old prints when, having been de-
serted BY her bastard suitOr, she
stands poised upon the brink OF
the old mill pond about to end
it all. Finally, prOdded from the
rear by his impatient wife, the
CONGRESSMAN timidly says to the
head waiter, Scotia a table for
twO?" in a tone Of voice that Is
a cross between a bleat and an
apology.
"GeOrge rakeS him from stem
to stern with his eyes. He is un'
nnistakabIy q CcngreS man.
There is something about the
species that distinguishes 1t
from all other mammalia. They
are as marked among normal
men as an Emperor Penguin
would be at q convention Of hum.
ming birds: the sad st. Bernard
dog eyes; the clothes tailored by
his Norwegian neighbOr back
home in Red Flat; the faint OdOr
Of shaving lotion from the
toilet set given him by his daugh
ter last Christmas; and the gen
eral appearance of having just
been removed from the cedar
lined closet for the annual
spring airing.
"Having looked the lawmakel
over, George leads the couple
to q table directly under the
band platform where they sit
between the trombone and thu
xylOphOne, and are as comfort
able as though they were play
ing ring-arOund-the-rOsie inside
n revolving cement mixer.
''When their ear drums arr
about to burst the COngressman's
wife pushes him out on tn
floor among the happy dancers
Here he executes a few step
that were pretty popular among
the tony set in Okmulgee, Ok
lahOma, about the time wheI
Admiral Dewey missed 9S pc
cent of the shots that he fires
at the Spaniards in Manila Boy
He bumps into q few debutante