The Waterbury Democrat., 1936-09-21

QAAAy AAbvAAA6 BAU eSASDSAsAVS@J myself right away.
 Well, that's easy. For I am one Of those newspaper freaks known as a rowing reporter" So far as I know, there are only three of us in America. The other two aren't a bit better than I am, if as good.
 It is my Job to go here and there and all around, without rhyme or reason, and write pieces about such internationally significant subjects as grasshop- pers, and people with broken legs, and old men who live in tin houses. I don't know why I do it; I guess it's for the big pay I ret. I make moro i'm 9 year tha-l Hcywood Broun does in . week.
 My name is Pyle. In the past two years I have introduced myself to at least 5000 prospective inter- viewees. And all but two have immediately addressed me as MT. Plye, Pine, File, Pike, Powell or Pie, in the order named. The other two didn't catch the name at all.
 I drive over the country in a car with District of Columbia license tags, which means that everybody who sees it either re- marks that western Canada is certainly a fine place, or asks if l ever get to see the President. In either case, always say, Sure" Hicks and Hicks
 This rowing job has taken me into every state in the Union (ex- cept Utah, and I'm on my way there now), all the provinces of Canada, eleven states of Mexico, and into Guatemala. About half my time is on the back roads among the hicks, and half of it in the cities among people who think only farmers are hicks.
 Everywhere I go, people are jeal- ous of me. They think 1t must be wonderful just to ride around with your expenses paid and have noth- ing to do but write one column 8 day. They're practically right. They'd be completely right if 1t weren't for the column.
 But have a friend in Los An- geles who sees my job for just what 1t Is. He's always giving me the raxx. He says, While you're making all those tank towns why don't you take on 3 line of hay rakes and ladies' un- derwear? Then you could get commercial rates at the hotels and pile up . lot of velvet on your expense account"
 Travel is much better than go- ing to college. You learn such things as that Pierre, the capital of South Dakota, is pronounced Peer; that "rip-rap" is the re- enforcement they put on the upper side of a dam; that the Flathead Indians don't have flat heads; and that ranchers brand sheep by painting the brand on their wool.
 You also learn that people who travel the same little rut every day of their lives seem to be the people who get so very smart and know everything, and are so posi- tive.
 Rowing Deductions
 Like Sherlock Holmes, I make deductions as I wander from here to there. Here are a few you might paste in your hat for future reference:
 Repeal is a mess. The liquor laws are different in every state, and different even within states. In some places the phoney 3.2 beer is wool over the eyes. Chil- dren are allowed in beer saloons, because beer is legally non-intoxi- eating. A lot of people (and peo- pie who like to drink, tool think we're forcing prohibition back upon ourselves.
 All this talk that we're becoming Q nation on wheels, and that with in ten years half the population will be living in trailers, sort oi puzzles me. I am on the roads constantly, and I don't see any ex- cess of trailers. And I ought to be the first one to notice it, because I hate trailers.
 Too Many Women
 There are too many young wo- men in the world for their own good. At all the vacation places on boats, in national parks, at the lakes, you see them. Hordes oi them. Women without men. They save their money for Q lake cruise or a week at the resorts, hoping for moonlight and young men ano romance. All they find is straight moonlight. There just aren't enough young men. It is a dis. appointment so intimate that doubt if a girl ever dare cry about 1t in her own room, but to me its one of the saddest things in oui whole society.
 Six of One, Etc.
 My political deduction, as gath cred from the well-known popu-