davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
C.V.HARDWICK
/. TURNS OUT
COLUMN
BY THE AMATEUR EDITOR

And today-the winner!
With the fourth issue of the
Amateur Page, The Times awards
the first monthly prize of $40.
It goes to c. Vincent Hardwick,
Of 1902 Nineteenth st. N. w. His
column, which appeared February
20 entitled "A Little of This" was
considered by the editor the out
standing single contribution of the
month.
Mr.. Hardwick Is 25. He was a
student at the University of Vir-
ginia for two years. At present
he is a salesman in Garfinckel's.
This is his first cash reward as a
writer.
Wins by EyelaSh
Mr.. Hardwick won the prize,
but only by an eyelash. There
were several stories, cartoons and
photographs that were excellent.
Originality carried the day for
Mr.. Hardwick, however.
Well, back to work now, driving
for the second monthly prize.
First, we have the follow up"
story on lost Mary Jones. About
100 of you "rewrites" turned in a
version of the story of little
The Washington times., 1936-03-14

NEW YORK, March 14.-Albert
Cikanowich offered 100 reasons
why a person afflicted with a
name like his should be permitted
to change it; and he firmly hoped
the Brooklyn supreme court would
let him become Albert Conway.
It didn't appear they would,
however, owing to strenuous OBJ
jections by Supreme Court Justice
Albert Conway, but in his def.
nitely American home, Cikano-
wich explained:
Cali my life I've been plagued
with a name nobody can pro.
nOunce or remember. When peO-
pie hear the name they expect
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
'CITY COMBED'
FOR MISSING
CHILD
Lawyers Daughter, 5,
Feared Kidnap
Victim

In an effort to locate
5-year-old Mary Jones,
missing from her home
in the 1900 block OF
Blank st. N. w. for
more than "a hours, po-
lice are conducting a
Swe e p'i ng city-wide
search today.
The missing child,
daughter of Arthur H,
Jones, prominent attor'
ney, and Viola Sanchez
Jones, noted society
beauty, was reported
last seen by Henry Os.
borne, janitor of the
apartment house. OS-
borne told police that
he had seen the child
riding her tricycle. in
front of the apartment
house yesterday.
No ransom messages
have been reported, but
police are investigating
the story of Jimmy"
Kelley, of the 1900
block of Cipher st. N.
W., who stated that he
saw a girl answering
the description of the
missing child being
questioned by a we'll
dressed women in the
vicinity of the Tidal
Basin late yesterday.
The Harbor Police are
considering dragging
the Potomac.
The distraugh h t
mother is under a ply
Sician'S care.
ROY FLANAGAN.
1432 V st. n. W.
(Wins 81 prize)
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
CHANGE HIS NAME

to hear me spout a foreign &C
cent.
"My folk were Lithuanian. but
am Brooklyn bred, went to
Commercial High School, and
my wife was born and bred in
Pennsylvania. We can't use her
maiden name, SandiSh, because
people call us Sandwich-we
tried it,"
Perplexed at Judge Conway's op
position, he continued:
"There are 81 COnways in the
Brooklyn phone book, and I'm
not Albert, but Albert P. Any.
how, no one could mistake a
BIN. T. mOtOrman for q Su.
preme court justice"
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
Wise Guy - Short Story

MCGUIRE sought eager
ly to change the subject.
do you know" the
stranger went on,
"that 1 met that Nc
Guire fellow once.
Yes, sir, and a dandy
fellow he was. So in.
teresting and such a
likable chap"
60 on" said Nc
Guire. II don't believe
you ever met him. I'll
bet you $40 you can't
prove you met him."
"I'n take it," said the
garrulous one.
The writer went into
his coat and matched
the strangers ten spot.
He would teach this as
sertive braggadocio a les
son.
Now" repeated the
columnist, "you are go
ing to prove you met
this writer?"
That's it exactly, "
said the stranger. And
so saying, he picked up
the 10 dollar bills, stuck
them in his pocket and
remarked to the aston
ished writer:
THANK YOU, MR..
McGUIRE!"
DANTE AMBROSE.
$40 Kennedy St. N. W.
(Wins $1)
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
FRIDAY, 18TH,
RECALLS
H0KUM
But Ancient Hoodoos
Still Hold Grip
On Humans

Yesterday was Friday
the Thirteenth! A day
of ill-omen, a day to
keep mum. But now
that it is past, I can un-
cross my fingers and
spill the whole works to
you superstitiouS souls.
The Friday the thir.
teenth habit was sup
posed to have started be-
cause there were thir-
teen seated at the Last
Supper.
Age Old
But number Supersti-
tionS reach back into the
ages before Christianity
was introduced. Primi-
tive minds were skepti.
cal about odd numbers.
Three and seven were
thought to be charmed.
Thirteen was a number
greatly respected.
Even Today
And today who would
think of lighting three
cigarettes on a match.
who would walk under
a ladder, who would oc-
cupy berth 13 on a
train, who would seat
Is at a table?
Friday the 18th is q
hangover from primitive
thought, but just the
same, I'll bet you drank
three cups of coffee for
ore a k f ast yesterday,
kept your finger S
crossed, and outran all
the black alley cats
which came Sneaking in
your direction.
MARION SWANSON
1921 Otis St.
Mt. Rainier, Nd.
Twins 81 priEe)
The Washington times., 1936-03-14

Caleb MCGUIRE was a
big town scribe. And a
good one he was, too.
But he had been pound
ing the mill pretty
hard-two plays, a novel
and a daily column for
years had left him sadly
depleted. So it was
only natural that his
doctor should order a
vacation. And thus,
with bag and baggage
neatly packed, our scribe
made for the station.
The day was a sultry
one and the Pullman
was hot. MCGUIRE had
Just taken his seat when
a genial looking. stranger
appeared and made
himself comfortable.
Mice day." said the
writer in a supreme ef-
fort to be affable. AS
to be expected, the con-
versation thrived and
soon turned to writers
and writing.
How do you like
short stories?" ventured
Mcclure.
"Oh, fine!" said the
stranger. They are my
meat. You know, some
day I want to be like
Caleb MCGUIRE; I want
to do my own stuff and
have a column on the
Graphic just like him. p"
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
Address all entries to Amateur
Section Editor
SYMPH0 0NY'S'
PLIGHT
SCORED
Music Lovers Desert
Kinder in Need
For Funds

There exists, in the
National Capital, a stu.
alton almost beyond be.
lief, and certainly un.
paralleled in any other
city of comparable size.
We are referring to the
sad plight of the Ma
tional Symphony Or
cheStra.
Like Beggars
In a large city, over.
flowing with profeSSed
music lovers, this orches-
ira must canvass from
door to door, as any beg
gar, in order to acquire
a ridiculously meager
pittance for it's continu.
ance.
The directors have
fixed the sum necessary
for another season of
beautiful music at $780,.
900. Anyone cogniZant
of the New York, or the
Philadelphia, or the Bos-
ton orchestra could tell
you that that sum would
be insufficient to even
commence their season,
Yet DR.. Kinder has sig.
nified the orchestra's
willingness to complete
another Of those truly
wonderful seasons-for
the above mentioned
amount.
We're Lucky
Washington m u s. c
fans are far more fortu.
nate than they would
seem to deserve. AS is
usual, they fail to show
their appreciation. It
seems to be quite the
proper thing to do, to
listen to those concerts,
but the little item of
funds passes casually
over their heads.
That 100000 should
h ave flooded t h e or.
cheStra'S Golfers wi t h
out a direct appeal,
Contributions are SO
much more appreciated
when they come from
the h e a r t, instead OF
the agitated purse.
Awaken! Speak, you
WaShingtonians. Or do
you really enjoy their
music? Your actions
shall speak for them
selves.
JOHN PATRICK PHAR.
736 Twelfth St., N. W.
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
D. E. STUDENT
DESCRIBES
CAPRI TRIP

I was ready to leave
Naples. The day was
beautiful and the sun
was shining at it's best.
I planned to stay on
deck and see the
splendid sight of cross
ing the Bay Of Naples
towards Capri.
AS soon as the boat
started moving, a young
italian sailor. smiling
very politely. begged me
to go inside, because
as he said: I'll vento
norte e motto forte
oggi." That meant a
rough sea.
Many times before I
had dreamed of visiting
Capri and travelling the
beautiful and romantic
road from Capri to Ana
capri.
So I remained on deck
and my emotion was so
great that I could not
even have talked if I
had wanted to. Surely
this was the most beau
tiful sight I had ever
seen. BY now I could
distinguish very clearly
Monte Solaso.
My heart was full Of
happiness, and when I
thought I was still to
travel more, I thanked
God, and loved Him
more than ever for
making my living as I
always have wanted it
to be.
JOSE N. DeLASA.
GnnrretnWn University.
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
$4,744 CIV f N
7. B. CLINIC

The D. C. tuberculosis Associa-
ton has granted $4,744 to con-
tinue operation of the ChildrenS
tuberculosis Clinic, 301 C st. N.
w.. it was announced today.
The clinic last year examined
2,071 children from homes where
tuberculosis infection is known to
exist, and of these some 589 were
found to have developed the dis
ease.
Taken in the early stages. the
disease can be cured, and the
clinic and association are proVid-
ing care for these children.
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
ST. PATRICK'S
DAY STORY
RET0LD
Erin's Patron Saint
Honored Around
The World

When March II blows
in, loyal sons and
daughters of Erin will
again honor beloved st.
Patrick by the wearing
Of the green.
The son of Calpur.
MUS, a wealthy magis-
trate of a Roman prov.
ince, Patricius, was
born early in the
Fourth century A. D.
When a lad of only 16,
he was kidnapped by
pirates, who sold him
into slavery in Ireland.
Shepherd Slave
For seven years Pat
rick counted sheep,
roam me d the green
valleys of the Emerald
Isle, learned to do an
Irish jig and to tell an
Irish joke. Finally,
weary of bondage, he
escaped and fled to the
continent. In France he
studied the doctrines of
Christianity so that he
could preach to the
Irish.
AS a man of As, Pat
rick the ex-slave, re-
turned to Ireland. Op-
posed by the pagan
priests, our good-natured
hero was eXaSperated.
Curses Land
He cursed their fer
tile fields, which became
gloomy bogs. He cursed
the rivers which ceased
to produce fish. He
cursed their very pots
and pans, which ceased
to boil, At last ne cursed
the druids themselves,
and the earth opened
and swallowed them up.
Snakes Out
No other feat has won
st. Patrick so much
fame as that of driving
the snakes out of Ire
land. According to one
version, he beat on a
drum to frighten the
reptiles, humping so
hardS that he knocked
a hole in it. An angel
quickly appeared and
mended the drum, and
st. Patrick doomed
away. No fable sounds
so incredible, yet no
fable is easier proved.
Your honest IriShman
will VOW that not a
snake is to be found in
the whole of Erin today,
begorra!
SARAH ANNE RAPP,
Roosevelt High School,
wins 81 prize)
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
IS 0 R R Y,
No Sale

/ wrote a little story,
1t wasn't much, l
know;
But I thought it could
be published,
At least, l hoped
twas so.
/ sent it to a Syndi-
cate
With a gaily sing
ing heart.
They always need new
stories;
Anyway, I'd do my
part.
! waited for the post
mans ring,
My eyes very near
to tears.
Would they never let
me know?
i must have waited
years!
My answer finally
came
On a bright and
sunny day.
I held the envelope,
unopened;
Oh, Lord, how / did
pray!
Inside there was no
letter,
Not even a friendly
tip.
Just my own priced
story
And a cold rejection
slip.
SELMA BURSTEIN
46O DeIafIeld ri. n. w.
wins 81 priZe)
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
FOOtnOte to Spring
Yessir, it's still there!

YeSSlF, US SIIII IAoEt.
Warm 1Dith Uibrant touch OF spring. cool
,Oith lingering hint of ,Dinter, majestic '0ith
Godoiuen grandeur. old Mother Nature once
uooi,1 reveals herself through melted SnowS, and
sounds her Ggeold call to man
Along dusty country roads, through rustic
woodland trails, up swollen streams, over treach-
erous cliffs, man, stiffled with the grim restraint
of winter once more takes to the open road.
Soon the whirr of the reel will bait the willy
trout: the chug of the family car will herald
the coming of the great American tourist"
Already the city fellow is ruefully sizing up his
moth eaten swim suit while Sister hints around
for an Easter outfit, and Johnny falls in love.
Molasses and sulphur an old standby as a
spring tonic, Dent out tOith red tlGnnelS, but
Mother Nature, spring, love, tourists. and spring
teuer stick 1uith US like wood ticks.
' HOWARD LEWIS,
712 Upshu St. N. W.
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
WARNING!

Any attempt to
claim PlGgiGrized
material as your
own uUill be sum-
rnGrily dealt With
by The Warrington
Times.
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
NO M AN use RIPT S
RETURNED

Besides news, send in photographs,
Washington and Humor Columns, fea-
lures, reviews, sports stories and cartoons
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
Amateurs

Anyone of any
age Vho is not en-
pIoyed prOfession-
ally as a lOriter is
qualified to tUrite
for this page. De.
tern1ine your anna
teur status accord
ingly.
The Washington times., 1936-03-14
COST
0UTWE|GHED
BY BENEFITS

This Is the tlDeltth of a series
of articles on proposals for sub.
U0yS in the District of Colum-
bid.
The Fort Peck press., 1936-02-27
Christmas Cans
Western Union Service

HRISTMAS what7 Yes, cans,
VI the best OF giftsi Cans full
of fruit cake, glace fruits, fresh
nuts and candies. Cans SO beau
tifully lacquered and decorated with
such alluring pictures and designs
that the recipient of one of them
p loath to throw it away long after
Its contents have been eaten. And
why Should she? Doesn't every wo-
man need attractive receptacles for
handksrchiefs, gloves, ribbons, cigar
cites, manicure sets, trinkets, even
jewels2 She does, and she a
have them simply by keeping these
gala boxes in which many of her
Christmas goodies came.
Take the gold and red box fllad
with rich Christmas fruit cake, the
giving of which has become a Gus
toni at this time of year. On the
cover is a picture OF Christmas min
'trcls singing merry carols amidst
The Fort Peck press., 1936-02-27
Kidneys Must
Clean Out Acids

The only way your body can clean out
Acids and poisonous wastes from your
blood is thru 9 million tiny. delicate Kid
ney tubes or filters, but beware of cheap,
drastic. irritating drugs. If functional
Kidney or Bladder disorders make you
suffer from Getting Up Nights, Nervous
Eyes, Dizziness, Rheumatic Pains, Acid
ity, Burning, Smarting or itching, don't
take chances. Get the Doctors Ruaran-
teed prescription called Cystex (Siss-
Tex). Works. fast, safe and sure. In 48
guaranteed to fix you up in one week or
money back on return OF empty package.
CysteL costs only &c a day at druggists
and the guarantee protects you.
The Fort Peck press., 1936-02-27
Languages in the Philippines

Languages in the Philippines
The official and principal native Ian
guages Of the Philippine islands are
English and Spanish. tho two official
languages, and three distinct native
dialects which are widely spoken.
namely; Tagalog, visayan and nocana.
All three are to some extent mixed
With Spanish
The Fort Peck press., 1936-02-27

the snowfakes in a little ErRtsh
hamlet of long ago. What better
receptacle g there be to brighten
her pantry sleeves as a cookie CON
tanner, or in which to put that dainty
bit OF sewing which she likel "a
keep on hand?
The Fort Peck press., 1936-02-27
A Useful Hint

When she keeps one Of these can.
iior the latter purpose, or for Her
handkerchiefs or gloves, she can
make the inside as attractive az The
outside by putting in a pretty nm
ing 10 do this she simply cuts
satin or vetlum Innings in pieces
which ut exactly the bottom, sides
and top: Then she CLUES them in
place with the best grade Of glue
and behold, she has a hahdsome.r e-
ceptacle which will last het for liz
rest of her life.
The Fort Peck press., 1936-02-27

Curfew Does Not Ring
Youngstown (Ohio) still has an s go
o'clock curfew law, though the curfew
has not rung for many years.
Imperial Valley press., 1936-10-16
MIGRATORY LABOR CAMPS
POP Up AGAIN

II anyone were a friend to the fed
eral Resettlement Administration. and
II the Resettlement really wishes to
have the public favor its proposed mi
gratory labor camps in Imperial Val
ley, one could do no better than advise
the Resettlement Administration that
its policy to date has been anything but
wise. 1t has, in fact, been rather dumb.
If the Resettlement Administration
wants to gain favor in Imperial Valley,
it had better forget the notorious Glass
ford report, rather than citing that re-
port as proof the valley needs migratory
labor camps under federal supervision.
A carefully detailed plan for camps
under competent local supervision might
meet with some measure of approval
here. As long as the Glassford report
by inference, it will be fought to the
death by Imperial Valley citizens.
Gen. Pelham D. Glassford, sent to I'M
perial Valley at the behest of Secreary
of Labor Frances Perkins, was the ori-
ginal exponent in these parts of Gen.
Hugh Johnson's "Crack Down" policies,
and like so many others, he found that
he was not dealing with slow witted
country hayseeds. He left the field of
battle in complete failure-and the
Glassford report was his last futile ges-
ture. Unluckily, it has been accepted at
face value by persons outside the val
ley, who do not know true conditions
here.
No plan based on the Glassford re-
port will ever be acceptable here.
Let's hear something else.
Imperial Valley press., 1936-10-16
A BILL THAT PERMITS
WHAT 1T WOULD PROHIBIT

Proposition NO. on the NOV. pal
lot is cleverly drafted to convey the
impression that it would prohibit what
it, in fact, permits. 1t is headed, PRO
hibiting Tideland Surface Drilling.
Authorizing Slant Drilling From Up
lands" The heading is true enough, but
misleading nevertheless.
at gives the state power to regulate
drilling by slant-wells from littoral up
lands into state owned submerged oil
POOLS" says one of the arguments in
misapprehension.
"Littoral" uplands, as defined in the
proposed amendment, are all lands "a
bove high-tide mark, whether within the
known geologic structure of produc-
ing oil or gas field Quoting the amend
ment) and whether or not they front on
an incorporated city or be within any
given distance on either side thereof.
All lands above high tide mark IN
clude the beaches, as they are commonly
known. down to the point where the
water ends at high tide. Without care
full lation-which the amendment
does not provide-the state could there
fore. lease sandy strips of beaches to
the oil companies, permitting erection
of derricks and other unsightly struc
lures thereon.
Otherwise the provisions of the pro-
posed amendment are good, especially
as affects the IA 2-7 per cent royalty to
the state. and the division of royalty re.
turns to the upkeep and acquisition OF
the state parks and beaches.
The Objectionable feature, however,
seems of primary importance.
VOTE NO ON PROPOSITION NJ. 4.
Imperial Valley press., 1936-10-16
The Democratic Viewpoint
EDITED BY
The Democratic County Central
Committee

While the presidential candidates are occu
pying the center of the stage in this campaign,
voters should not lose sight of the fact that
the legislative branch of government is no less
important than the executive branch. If we are
to have an effective government it is quite
necessary that should select competent men
to fill the seats in the Senate and House of
Representatives.
Thursday night at the city park in El Centre
the voters of this community had an opportu-
nifty to hear Ed Y. 1zae, the man who has been
selected by the Democratic party of Imperial
and San Diego counties to represent this dis
trict in Congress.
Izac is not professional type of politician.
He is not the loud-mouthed orator who stands
on the platform and shouts meaningless plati
tudes. His listeners heard a straightforward
address from a thoughtful type of who is
sincere in everything he says.
He is an Annapolis graduate who spent the
early years OF his life as naval officer. His
career in the navy came to a brilliant climax
during the war when the transport which
he was second in command was sunk by a
German submarine and he was taken prisoner
After two unsuccessful efforts TO escape during
which he seriously wounded he finally
broke out Of the German prison camp and
made his way TO London carrying to the British
admiralty information OF great value regarding
the German submarins operations He holds
high awards for heroism.
lac is not campaigning on his war record,
however. He is seeking the opportunity to
represent this district in congress because he
believes that he can contribute something to
questions which confront the United States
at this time. He is student OF national af
fairs, and has a thoroughly constructive pro-
gram which is in close accord with the New
Deal program of the Roosevelt administration.
American voters today generally fall into
two well defined groups-the conservatives and
the liberals The conservatives, believing that
the Republican party can give them something
in 1887 which il could not give them in 1882,
are backing the candidacy of Mr.. Landon. The
liberals who believe in the progressive develop
ment Of government to meet the changing
conditions of the modern world are supporting
Roosevelt.
Izac has always been liberal His natural
alignment is with the New Deal because he be-
leves and has always believed that the preserva-
ton of human beings is more important than
the preservation of dollars.
What is more, he is willing to go to Washing
ton and fight for that idea, and anyone who is
familiar with his war record will know that he
is a capable fighter.
Imperial Valley press., 1936-10-16
News Behind the News
HoU Accurate Are the Candidates! :.
Errors of the Ghost Writer'S
Troublesome Arithmetic

WASHINGTON-It might be going too far
to suggest that the two major candidates Tor the
highest honor the people can bestoW don't know
what they're telling about, but anyone who wants
to spend an afternoon champlonlng that theSls
will find plenty of ammunition
candidate is only as accurate as his ad-
ysers and speech-writers will let him be ana
that's a good alibi when he goes wrong on his
facts. -, -,
But it's bit startling when you find both
Roosevelt and Landon having trouble with the
elementary arithmetical processes OF addillon
and subtraction let alone multiplication ana
Just why Roosevelt should say that the
national income sank from 81 billion dollars TO
SO billions four years ago and that this was
difference Of Al billions probably Will always
Last April he was boasting that the national
income had risen from 35 billions in 1882 to %
billions in 1886, but in his recent Plttsourgh
speech he said it had risen from 80 billions TO
SO billions last year and 60 billions in the cur
rent year.
Probably nobody should quibble about mis-
placed billion or two but fiscal sharks are in
sisting that FD.R. was misled or misleading
or both for Department Of Commerce figures for
national income paid out show 73 billions in
1929. AZ billions in 1882 and SO billions in 1885
The figures for national income produced"
are 81 3, and SO billions, respectively but Roose
welt for his purposes defined national income as
IN the former category
Now take look at Candidate Landon.
The Kansas governor talked at and from
Des Moines To the farmers One of his prom
ises called for tariff equivalent payments to
farmers on the domestically consumed portion
of crops of which there is an exportable sur
plus.
That plan, applied only in limited way,
farm experts have figured out, would cost the
Treasury more than two billion dollars a year.
Applied to wheat and corn it would cost an
average of s7l9I000,0oO year to give the farm
ers full tariff benefit, which is considerably
more than the cost of the most ambitious AAA
program TO date The cost dairy products
would be about 744 millions and beef and
veal some 448 millions, according to the experts
Money is coming in slowly to the Demo-
cratic chest that some OF the pure-minded New
Deal boys are beginning TO wonder. after
last-minute rush OF funds whether the party
will find itself again obligated to a smooth