Evening star., 1936-06-23

| - NA.J.- 1HlS department. mas
| been practically deluged with
questions about the Democratic
convention-like, for instance, What
is President RooSevelt's first name?"
and What is the two-thirds rule?"
and "How can make my pie crust
stay firm?" and What is the correct
costume for a dog fight, black tie or
white tie2" and Where does Jim
Farley get Of at?"
We are deeply touched by this dis
play of public confidence. The ques-
tions must be answered, as many of
them as possible. So this department
Is going to open a question box. and
open it wide-as wide, if possible, as
the Philadelphia saloon business was
open last Sunday night.
Here we go:
| O. What is the difference between
the Democratic brain trust and the
Republican policy board?"-Inquisi
| tive.
A. You've got me there, Inquisitive,
except that I do not believe the Re
publican professors are allowed 10 go
out on the streets till after dark.
Yes and No.
@. Are there more Democrats than
there used to be, or vice-versa?-
Anxious Housewife.
A. At the Republican Convention
in Cleveland they told me that Demo-
Gratis were disappearing so fast that
they ought to be protected and put
on reservations, like Indians and buf-
falo and grizzly bears. On the other
hand, one of Jim Farley's assistant
stamp peddlers, George Howes, says
| that every man, woman and child who
died in this country since 1882 was
a Republican. Mr.. Howes does not
know whether this was divine justice
or merely a coincidence.
@. How many walks has Al Smith
taken in the last five years?-Lovesick
Schoolgirl.
A. Counting his last stroll. Al Smith
has walked $4,000 miles since 1881,
mostly in the opposite direction. If
Al had started walking due east he
would have gone around the world
once and landed in China (two miles
west of Shanghai, by the -four mill.
the second time around.
Phony Thoughts.
@. What does H. L. Mencken think?
Pro Bono Publico.
A. H L. Mencken things the Liberty
Bell is phoney. He thinks the crack
in the bell is phoney. too.
G. What about the farmers?-Brown
Eyes.
A. This is deep and profound
question, Brown Eyes, but I think
you will find the answer in your
/ heart, if you look there. Do you
love this young man enough to marry
him? If not, give back the ring.
Happiness is the chief consideration.
Never gamble your happiness away
unless you can get to or better.
! @. What do the delegates at the
convention do with their spare time?
Third Offender.
As 44AC hlCAuSC 0E4C6abCg WIIOAn h
will call Mr.. Average, though that is
not his real name. gets up at $3.50
am and puts on his white Shoes and
white pants. Then he eats the No. 3
breakfast (choice of fruit juice or
berries in season. toast or rolls, cereal,
one egg any style and nam or bacon.
/ choice of coffee, tea or milk. Then
maybe goes to a caucus, il he has
the caucus habit.
Mr.. Averages Evening.
In the evening Mr.. Average walks
up and down Market street, looking
for a movie he hasn't seen before.
If Jim Farley has shaken his hand
during the day, or if he is just feeling
good anyhow, he goes to a tappe room
and has a beer or a Tom Collins. If
pretty lonesome. He retireS at 10:30
pm. and reads a magazine, or won-
ders what it is all about, or goes to
sleep.
@. Who ever told you that you were
a political writer anyway?-Indignant.
A. Let's not get personal
@. Is Postmaster General Farley
drinking man?-Sweet Sixteen.
A. 1t is my painful duty to inform
you, Sweet Sixteen. that the statesman
to whom you refer is not only drink
ing man. but slave to the stuff he
drinks, which is milk. He cannot take
it or leave it alone. Frequently the
general consumes four quarts Of this
lethal and potent brew in a single day,
without chaser, and goes reeling of
to bed in the throes Of what his SYM
pathetic colleagues call a "lacteal Jag"
G. What shall do when junior re-
fuses to eat his rhubarb?-Hysterical
Father.
A. Beat him up.
O. Are delegates happy?-Sam.
A. No.
@. Who do you like in the fourth
at Latonia ?-Mother Of Seven.
OtIaay, Yrana