Evening star., 1936-02-16
February 10. 1886


they become "touchy" as we'll as rude
On the other hand some people seem to
have happiness given them at birth; they are
happy at school. happy at home; later on
they are lucky in friends and happy in love.
II you take the trouble to notice you will find
these favored ones have charming manners.
Once some time ago, writing on this same
subject, emphasized the inestimable gift of
winning smile. but today | would like to
qualify that slightly, and emphasize the fact
that even smile to be enchanting must have
a genuine impulse of JOY or friendliness or
amusement behind it. Brilliant "tooth-paste
advertisement" smiles do rather make us long
for the relief of a face that expresses thought
fulness or understanding sympathy.
Speaking of sympathy naturally suggests
tact which is the instructive awareness of
another's feelings and kind consideration for
them. No social gift is greater than alertness
in noticing should some ones well-meant in
tentions be treated with discourtesy, or
should another be subjected to the uncaring
rudeneSs of snob.
The smooth. sure skill with which the truly
tactful person goes to the rescue of the en-
barassed with just the right word or just
the defense or encouragement needed, and yet
without seeming to have any purpose in view,
kindness - or. etiquette - at its very best
On the subject of the thousands of detailed
rules essential to all ceremonial procedures,
the importance of knowing all the unending
details. such as when to sit and when to stand,
what to say and what to do upon this or that
occasion, is most practically illustrated by
church service. 1t would be shocking to have
people trotting in and out of pews, talking out
loud or being otherwise upsetting to devo-
tional tranquility. For this reason we have
set rules for all ceremonial functions, like
marriages. christenings and funerals, as well
as Sunday service. 1t is also essential that
certain mechanical conventions be observed.
The real point to be made is that rules of
etiquette have not been contrived in order
to make those who know them seem i'm
portant, and to make those who happen not
to know them miserably chagrined. Actually
the sO-called rules are nothing but the findings
of long experience handed down for reasons
of practical use This does not mean that the
principles of good taste, or of beauty, or of
consideration for the rights or feelings of
others can be discarded - ever!
In the same way the code of ethics - for
generations known as the code of a gentleman
i is an immutable law of etiquette. Too
many of us are apt to mistake rich man for a
gentleman. No qualification could be further
from the truth, since the quality of a gentle
man is necessarily measured by what he is,
and never by what he has. We've all heard
the term natures nobleman!" Meaning
man of innately beautiful character who,
never having even heard of the code. follows
it by instinct.
In other words, the code of thoroughbred,
whether it be applied to man, woman, or half
grown child, is the code of instructive decency.
ethical integrity, self-respeet and loyalty. De-
cency means not merely propriety of speech
and conduct but of honesty and trustworthi-
ness in every obligation. Integrity includes
not only honesty but delicacy of motive
and of fairness in judging the motives of
others. Self-respect - among many other
things = means refusal to accept obligations
that one is unwilling to return. This word
unwilling" is of utmost Importance since an
obligation which one will return in whatever
way one can is an entirely different aspect of
the question. Loyalty means not only faithful
ness to friends but to principles
A man of breeding does not slap strangers