The Washington times., 1936-11-14
THE VOICE OF
Broadly WaY
By Louis SoboI
Diary Of a CoIyumist's S
Pup!
("Whiskey" Boswell Con-

she always does when she's alone
with me because she says it's
pleasure to talk to someone who
listens and don't act superior-like
which is why she talks to me and
she says:
"Of course, Whiskey, if he had
a sense of humor it wouldn't be
so difficult, but men really are
very touchy babies, you'll find out,
and columnists, Whiskey, I've be-
gun to realize, have no sense of
humor at all. Just Great Big
White Men trying to put the Great
Big White Way into Great Big
White Space-and how they suf
fer" The soap gets into my nose
and I Sneeze and she says, SOL
emnly, "Of course, Whiskey, of
course! I know-you agree with
me. But I think We'll humor him
| q AGCAC 4AOA4 1AOW OAA-14C . 1CdA1y
very easy to get along with if you
flatter him." Just then Gods Pet
breaks into the bathroom and
yels, Cant you nurse that mutt
some other time, not when I'm
eating breakfast and got nobody
at the table with me? What kind
of breakfast is that for a man
when he can't have nobody even
to sit down with him?" and she
says, why, honey, didn't know
you cared. Bless your heart, GER
tainly I'll sit down with you"
He says, Don't be sarcastic"
and he glares at me, so shake
myself and the soap SpatterS
and some of it goes into his eye
and he hOllerS, eff 1 murder
that pup some day it won't be
too SOOn." Lady BOuntiful
throws her arms around me and
says, "HOw can you talk that
way? Why even hardened
criminals are kind to dogs" He
says, "NOt when they throw soap
deliberately into their eyes," and
she laughs, ooh, my heavens,
will you listen to him complain
ing about soap in his eyes with
all the soft soap he swallows
every day."
WedneSday-He's reading a long
letter from John out loud and he
interrupts himself every so often
and asks, That's good for the
column, what do you Think"
The Queen says, well, of
course, honey. I wouldn't know.
Isn't some of it confidential"
He yaps, ooh, for the IuvO-
mike, nobody writes letter to
me with such hot news in it un-
less they expect I'll use it," and
she says, "What hot newS?" and
he says: "Well, look John says
in London they're betting 8 to
l the King won't marry Mrs.
Simpson, but if he does he'll give
up his throne and will go on the
lecture platform, because he has
committed himself to a Euro.
pean lecture bureau" Lady
BOuntiful giggles. "Why, that's
prepOSterOuS," she says, and he
says, "Oh, yeah. NOthing's pre-.
pOsterOus. The Kings got a
good voice. John says Julia
Peterkin, who occupies the homo
rary chair of literature at Ben
ningtOn College, Vermont (you
remember VermOnt?-J hn
says Julia has to pick ten stu.
dents who show unusual writing
ability for scholarships and SO
far she's only been able to find
three-and one of the three is
guess whO-Katie Hepburn's
sister Mary. Yeah, and here he
says Sylvia Sidney calls her new
Chinese cook 'Sneeze.' His name
is All ChOO, and that they're bet
ting on the Coast that Buddy
Rogers and Mary PickfOrd will
marry in London in December
and that CIaudette Colbert gets
the Duchess role in the picture
version of "TOvarich.'"
The Lady shifts and says, "You
call that hot neWS?" and he SAYS,
"Certainly-Why not?" and she
says, "Oh, I don't know-maybe
I'm wrong. He glareS at her and
mumbleS to himself and he reads
to himself for awhile and then he
says, John says Paul Green, who
wrote, In Abraham'S Bosom has
a nervous breakdown and may
never be able to write again and
that the reason Mary Garden said
in Paris she was through with
opera because it was old fashioned
is because the Opera Comique re-
fused to renew her contract for
next year. And La Guardia is
going to be the next Secretary of
War.
The Queen yswns and says,
"HOw interesting" Well, l got
a letter, too - from Gertrude
and she says she went to the
party Bert LytelI threw on the