The daily independent., 1936-09-10
II Seems to NE
BY
49,. HEYWOOD BR0UN
A WOUNDED FEMALE
REPUBLICAN COMPELS ME TO
CLIMB A TREE

1 spent the weekend in hunting trip to Long
Island but we had no luck at all because the lew
Republicans sighted were all does. ,.. Sci.
MY friend shot at one of them by mistake, but,
unfortunately. he missed her. The charge OF a
wounded female Republican is quite terrifying. l
was compelled to climb tree and get away out on
a limb for protection.
But my friend says that Long Island Republicans
are neither as big nor terQcouS as in the day OF
his youth He was thinking back to the time when
they used to run wild through Nassau County. Now,
of course, practically all of them are preserved
Some lovers of big game say that the herd is
finally on the increase Be that as it may my friend
the Long Island big game hunter says that things
are not what they used to be. In the old days, II
he is to be believed. almost anybody could go out
and get himself a fine mess of Republicans before
breakfast The favorite way to serve them was
roasted with an apple in the mouth.
But, Of course, a Republican is no good at all
unless there is an R in the month STILL he isn't
much good if there is.
The chief trouble with Republicans is that they
are too tough A man down in Delaware had
formula by which they could be rendered as tender
as chickens. but apparently you had to boil them
for days and days and first soak them in brine.
AS remember the brine formula for Republicans
was SiXteen-tO-one.
Some of the preserves in which the Republicans
of Nassau County are placed for safekeeping seem
very magnificent from the outside They even have
pools for them. And yet it does not seem to me
that they do very we'll in captivity 1 kept looking
| for young Republican during our entire trip and
didn't see a single one. 49,. .,,.... ..r
A collector told me that he had fine. specimen
but upon investigation the exhibit turned out to be
at least 20. and he also stuffed: ~"
bof
on them under the control of an organization which
has dedicated itself to improving the breed. The
results are meager as yet Indeed think the system
is wrong.
The racing Republican is placed in starting
box and is allowed to watch white rabbit go
slowly round the track couple of times. This
is supposed to excite the Republican and when the
door of his compartment is lifted he should go
gaoping along heaven bent-for- election following
the mechanical white rabbit in his twisting course
The trouble is that Republicans are not nearly
as stupid as many have. .assumed..-VNit4l care and
kindness and very long training, there are things
which they can. be made to comprehend For in
stance most of the Republicans racers have follow
ed mechanical rabbits for many years now that
they are no longer excited. They know that the
white rabbit is not going anywhere in particular
and so they trot along behind him in the most
perfunCtory manner. ,,.:, -t,.~
The feeding Of Republicans has also been badly
handled. Their ration has had far too great
component of mush What the Republicans need
arc a slogan and couple of good old soup bones
with some fat on them.
l would make every Republican come up from
the cellar and get out under bright skies The
average Republican has circles under his eyes be-
cause he has lived so long by tallow candles and
oil lamps He should be introduced to natural light
and be informed that ore does not need a Landon
in the sun.