davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
PICAYUNES
CHEAPER TO STOP

CHEAPER TO STOP
A Scot applied for a raise, stat
ing that he was thinking Of getting
married. At the end of the week
he found a fairly substantial in
crease in his pay envelope. Some
time later he net the managr on
the stairs.
II suppose you've settled down
to married life now?" asked the
manager.
sI'm no married." replied the
Scot.
"Not married." echoed the mana
ger in surprise, "but didn't you ap-
ply for a raise because you were
thinking of getting married."
%, ave." came the reply, but
stopped thinking"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
HE WON'T STARVE, ANY
WAY

When the Bachelor King" Ed
ward VIII of England, intimated to
Parliament the other day that he
might get married, society gossips
all over the world began to specu-
late as to what particular lady he
has in mind. The best guess is that
he hasn't picked her yet, but was
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
POPULATION DATA
(1930 Census)
FRIDAY, R u. 1886.
THE NEXT WAR

The only certain thing about the
next war is that it will be different
from any previous war. That is
the way with wars. General stats
and stratesists study the latest war
in preparation for the next one,
and then the enemy springs a sur
prise on them that changes the
whole situation.
The British and French high
commands had a great contempt
for machine guns in the beginning
of the World War. They were go
ing to march right into Germany
until the German machine guns
stopped them and they had to ''dig
in" and fight from fixed positions
until they could spring their own
surprise-the tanks" The Ger
mans were contemptuous of tanks,
until they found they couldn't stop
them with machine guns. 1t was
the British tanks, as much as any
n thing, that won the war.
Lord Kitchener, the great Eng
lish general, couldn't see the value
of high explosives. Result, Brit
ain went into the war with only
shrapnel shells, such as they had
found effective against the Beers
in South Africa. Nobody pinned
much faith on airplanes in war, at
the start. Even when the United
States came in, nearly three years
after hostilities began, this country
had only a couple of dozen or so Of
military airplanes.
France and Britain sneered at the
submarine, until the U-boats began
to sink their ships in the North
Sea and the British Channel. Pois-
on gas was another surprise sprung
by Germany, for which the Allies
were not prepared. Just now all
military experts are figuring on
much greater use of airplanes in the
coming war, two or three or a dozen
years hence.
1t does not follow, however, that
either planes or gas will b e the
principal weapons when the civiliz-
ed nations go to war again, though
airplanes enabled Japan to win
Manchukuo from the unarmed
Chinese and have enabled Italy to
get farther in Ethiopia than any
one had expected.
It is probable that the next war
will introduce new weapons and
new horrors of which we have
scarcely dreamed as yet, and for
which the professional fighting men
of the non-military nations, such as
the United States and Great Brit
ain, will be as unprepared as they
were in the last war.
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
SOME DIFFERENT

Jones, who used to be a railroad
conductor, got a job on one of the
big air liners. One day he net an
old crony who asked him if his new
Job was much different from his
old one. "Not much," was the
reply, except they won't let me
throw a man off for not paying
his fare"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
NO ADMISSION

A candidate addressing his con-
stituency was surprised by a voice,
which. calling from the back of the
hall, said: "Well, l don't care what
you say, l wouldn't vote for you if
you were the angel Gabriel"
Came the reply: IF l were the
angel Gabriel you wouldn't be in
my constituency"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
DOUBLE TRUTH

TRUTH
Some of you pedestrians walk
as if you own the streets"
Eyes, and some of you motorists
drive around just as if you owned
yours cars"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
THE EASIEST WAY

"FIow on earth did you get Tom
my to take that medicine-tell him
it was candy?"
Certainly not. I put it on the
highest shelf in the house and told
him that it was deadly poison"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27

one end of the pipe we'll back in.
the horses mouth and blow the
powder down his throat"
Shortly thereafter the farmer
came running into the veterinary's
office in a distressed condition.
"What's the matter?" asked the
veterinary.
Pm dying!" cried the farmer.
1.-THE horse blew first!"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27

FRANK AND GENEROUS
Dear, don't you think hus-
bands should be frank and tell their
wives everything?"
"Yes, and I think wives should
be generous and believe it."
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
KICKED BACKWARD

A veterinary surgeon was in
structing a farmer as to a suitable
method for administering medicine
to a horse.
"Simply place this powder in a
gaspipe about two feet long, put
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27

TIMES of a whole people to a small
group which is conveniently desig-
mated by the term "the govern
ment." But any government,
either of one man or any larger
group, is necessarily composed en-
tirely of human beings, themselves
subject to all the passions, preju-
dices, ambitions and other frailties
Of the rest of the human race.
The weakness of all of the Ito
plan plans for making the world
over lies, it seems to me, in their
disregard of the most precious of
all human possessions, individual
liberty of thought, speech and ac-
ton. No government is good
enough to be entrusted with any
power over any individual except
the power to keep him from in
fringing upon any other individu-
ais liberties.
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27

ADOPTED
Tom: "My ancestors were al
people of brains"
Mary 'You must have been disin.
herited."
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
COB HUMOR

She: "Say, you sure were tight
last night"
He: go on, tell me something
I don't know"
She: "Sure: you're married."
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
CHARACTER -. personal

Democracy on the American
plan has worked with less injustice
to the ordinary citizen and greater
opportunity for the exceptional in
dividual than any other system of
government that has ever been
tried. Democracy has worked in
America because it developed and
brought to a high degree, courage,
initiative, self-reliance and personal
responsibility in its citizens.
Those are the elements which
make up what We call Character.
They are not the product of gov
eminent; they are qualities which
are developed in each individual,
one by one, by the combined influ-
ence of the home, the church, the
school and the environment of ones
youth. Government cannot make
men self-reliant or responsible. 1t
can destroy or impair those qualities
by ordering mems lives for them.
By putting the emphasis on dollars
instead of upon character it can in
still the belief that the only thing
that counts in life is material sue
cess.
Nothing can more effectively
block the road to happiness than
that.
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27
IMPOSSIBLE PA

IMPOSSIBLE PA
Pa: Sonny, what did the teach
er say about your arithmetic
work?'
Sonny: "She said she would "a
Their you wouldn't try to help me
with it."
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27


"Why do you always call your
wife honey, Mr.. BROWNE"
why, honey has always dis
agreed with me-"
Carolina watchman. [volume] (Salisbury, N.C.) 1871-1937, 1936-03-27

TWO PREVARICATORS MEET
"Why does a woman say she's
been shopping when she hasn't
bought a thing"
"Why does a man say he's been
fishing when he hasn't caught a
thing?"
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
EXERCISES AT
SCHOOL HOUSE

Continued from Page Onel
American Revolution medal to
Aleida Napoles.
Parent Teachers Association
award for scholarship was award.
ed to- Cynthia Pearlman and
George Collins by Mrs. Enrique
Henriquez, president of the Key
WesthI Jqnior-Senior High School
PIT. A.
President Jesus Carmona made
the presentation of the 1886 High
School annual to Principal O'Bry-
ant.
Two bouquets of beautiful
flowers were presented to Miss
Pearlman, one by Miss Marguerite
Goshorn and the other by Mrs.
John C. Park.
Miss Pearlman delivered the
valedictory. The address was a
stirring and touchinglv beautiful
farewell to the institution and her
schoolmates.
The Class Exercises concluded
with the Key West High School
Song.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
=: SOCIETY =:
Plan To Glue Public Tea
AtLocaL Aquarium Sunday

Key Westers were not cogniZant
of the beauty of the aquarium or
the labyrinth Of tropical fish life
which is there. For that reason
it was decided to have the tea.
Emory Lowe Pierce, superin-
tendent Of the aquarium, and
other members of the personnel
will be on hand throughout the
afternoon to guide visitors
through and point out and ex-
plain the variety of fish in the
tanks and their habits. During
the afternoon a musical program
will be presented. This has been
arranged by George Mills White.
No admission will be charged to
the tea and no collection will be
taken up as the sole purpose OF
the affair is to make Key Westers
better acquainted with the
aquarium.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
Arrange Dance And Cabaret AT
Hobana- Madrid For Saturday

Champagne Waltz by Teddy
Clayton, Bell DePoo and Sylvio
PARA, and as an encore dane
ing sketch, based on the Dance
Apache, by Teddy Clayton and
Sylvio PARA.
Surprise Fan Dance "Goody
Cody, which will be, it is
promised, the piece de resistance
of the evening. Then a number
to be sung and danced by the fol-
lowing: Bebe Spence, Edna Riggs,
DOLLS Burchell, Louise Pritchard
and Madge Sands.
Solo Tap Dance by Gerald Pin
der, and for a closing number,
the Doll Dance with Teddy Clay
ton, and Sylvio PARA to be fol-
lowed by the Argentine Tango,
done by Katherine Pease and
Sylvio PARA.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

From the accounting standpoint, Il
is correct to say that the securities
owned have earned one billion dol
lars for the year. and that therefore
only three billions need be raised by
taxation. But as a matter of fact,
everything that is earned by the
securities which are owned must also
be provided by taxation.
These securities represent no claim
to wealth or income except a claim
against the federal government for
the interest due. and the only source
of such funds is federal taxes. In this
particular year and in every other
year, only such benefits can be paid
as are provided by taxes of one sort
or another. The reserve, as means
of easing the tax load, therefore. is
an illusion.
There is way by which a reserve
might temporarily tighten taxation.
This is by sale of the securities, which
would mean that the government had
borrowed from the public in order to
pay a part of the benefits then due.
If the above financial summary were
to read-"Receipts from sale of secur-
tiles. 81, 00o. 0O0.0 00," then it would be
true that only three billions would be
needed from taxation. The law does
not authorize sale, however, and il is
clearly implied that the special 8 per
cent obligations are not to be sold.
II is possible thet the fallaeyrwas
due to the supposedsahslogy With the
rpcorya of on inc,.rA a Iu.f SarnnaA,v S T~t,..
company owes certain amount to its
policyholders and itainvests the pre-
MUM receipts in bonds and other
securities. The income from these ins
veStments helps to pay losses and ex-
penses. The larger the reserve aid
the more it earns, the lower the pre-
miumS.
But any insurance company owes
policy payments to only small pro-
portion of the whole people. If il
buys bond, someone else must work
and save to pay the interest. If the
bond has been issued by the govern
ment. the interest is paid out Of taxes.
In such circumstances the reserve is
real. and it helps both the company
and the policyholder. Those who are
insured in this company are charged
smaller premiums because others are
paying interest on the bonds held as
a reserve.
In the case of the old-age security
reserve. however. there is no outside
group that is working and saving to
pay interest on the bonds held as a
reserve. These bonds are the debt OF
the whole people. who must pay taxes
to foot the bill, whether it is in the
form of interest on federal bonds in
the reserve account or simply bill
for old-age relief.
nor, care OF this neuSDdperD
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

payments of the year, shall be in
vested in securities issues by, or fully
guaranteed by, the United States. The
interest due on all securities held in
the old-age reserve account shall be
paid to it, and any securities that
mature shall be redeemed in its favor.
These cash receipts are likewise to be
reinvested in federal debt paper.
1t will be possible, at first, to buy
United States bonds and notes in the
open market. The law requires that
the account shall derive at least a 8
per cent yield, and whenever the mar
ket prices of government securities
are such that this rate of return can
not be realized, the Secretary of the
Treasury is required to issue to the
account special federal debt obliga-
tons bearing per cent interest.
In effect, the federal government
is required to borrow, at 8 per cent.
all funds that cannot be invested in
the open market so as to yield this
return.
Suppose tina: this process goes on
for years. The so-called reserve" will
have grown at the rate of 3 per cent
compound interest and in time large
quantity of United States debt obliga-
tons will have been accumulated as
assets in the old-age reserve account.
But what is this reserve? 1t is
nothing but the promises of the fed
eral government, sustained, and given
value, by the obligations on the part
Of Congress to levy taxes sufficient to
pay the interest and principal. In
some future years the officer in charge
of the account may make up a state
ment like the following:
Amount of benefits due
in 49, ...........$ "a, 900, 600, 900
Interest earned on secur-
tiles owned .......... 1000, 00O. 900
Balance to be provided
by taxation ......... SO, 000, 000. 900
address questions to the al
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
To Perfect Plans
For Coming Dance

Final plans for the Annual
Alumni Dance to be given at Key
West Country Club on Thursday,
June 4, will be made at the meet
ing of the Key West High School
Alumni Association to be held this
evening in the school auditorium.
Hollon Bervaldi, president Of
the association, states that there
will be a large attendance at the
Alumni Dance this year as a
larger number of members than
previous years have already regis
tered.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
FRUIT STEAMER
DUETOMORROW
MIRAFLORES COMING TO
PORTER DOCK TO TAKE
ON FUEL OIL

Steamship M.raflores, of the
Standard Fruit and Steamship
company. is due to arrive tomor-
row consigned to the Porter
Dock company for fuel oil. After
taking on bunkers the vessel will
sail for Mexico.
Freighter Brazos, of the Clyde
Mallory Lines, is due tomorrow
from Galveston en- route to New
York. The Ozark, Of the same
lines. IS due tomorrow from Jack
sonville and Miami, en- route to
New Orleans.
Freighter Alabama, of the Tex
as Oil company, is due Sunday
from Port Arthur with 10000
barrels of cHuel oil for the Porter
Dock company.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
LOWE FUNERAL
HERE TOMORROW

Funeral services for Mrs. Mary
Lowe, who died Wednesday morn
ing, will be held tomorrow after
noon at 4:30 o'clock with Rev.
Shuler Peele officiating. The
funeral will be held from the
Pritchard Funeral Home.
Survivors arc two. sons, Walter,
Jr. and Wilson Lowe; two daugh-
tiers, Mrs. William Tedder and
Mrs. C. c. Clinton; two sisters,
Mrs. Hezikiah Curry and Mrs.
John Watkins; one brother, Max
well Saunders; twenty-five grand
children and thirteen great grand
children.
Mrs. Clinton will arrive in the
city this afternoon to attend the
funeral.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

An exceptionally entertaining
program has been arranged for
the Moonlight Dance and Cabaret
to be given Saturday evening,
May 80, at the Habana-Madrid
Club.
For this extraordinary event
the numbers on the program have
been selected with care and the
idea of presenting something new
and pleasing during the floor
show which has become a brilliant
addition to the regular dances at
this popular dance club.
Numbers listed for the evening
are: Tap dance by Bell DePoo,
Teddy Clayton and Beatrice Mo-
reno, to be followed by song by
Mrs. Eva B. Warner and series
of vocal numbers by Joe Torano.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

The Importance of the Key
West Tropical Aquarium and its
attractive setting, as well as its
value to the community as an in
stitution to attract visitors to the
city will be stressed Sunday after
noon when a public tea will be
given at the aquarium.
Decision to have the tea, in ora
der that all Key Westers would
come to the aquarium, was reach
ed by the aquarium board. The
Key West Woman's Club and the
Key West Garden Club are spon-
soring the affair, and those in
charge are emphasizing the fact
that the tea is open to all resi-
dents OF this city and that all
should attend. The hours are
from 5 until 7 o'clock.
Board members expressed the
belief at a recent meeting that
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
TO HONOR POET
WITH MONUMENT
MEMORIAL TO BELOVED POET
TO BE UNVEILED OPPOSITE
SACRED HEART CHURCH

The following article is re-
produced from The Bulletin of
the Catholic Laymen's Associa-
ton at Augusta, Ga:
"a monument to James Ryder
Randall, author of Maryland My
Maryland and beloved poet of the
south, will be erected opposite
Sacred Heart Church here, and
will be unveiled by Chapter A,
United Daughters of the Con-
federacy May %, by Miss Ruth
Robinson, of Jeffersonville, Ca,
granddaughter of Mr.. Randall.
The address will be delivered by
Hon. George Hams, solicitor gen.
eral of the Augusta Circuit of the
superior court. Miss Robinson
will be assisted by Miss Mary
Randall.
"Hon. William H. Fleming,
whom Mr. Randall. served as sec
rotary when Mr.. Fleming repre-
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

scented the Tenth Georgia District
in Congress nearly 40 years ago,
is general chairman of the me-
mortal committee. The site op-
posite Sacred Heart Church or
the green of Greene street was
selected in recognition of Mr.
RandalPs membership in that
parish and devotion to that
church where he attended Mass
daily and from which his funeral
was held"
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
Benefit Card
Party Tonight

With the weather clearing and
all signs of wind and rain disap-
pearing, it is confidently expected
that a record number of people
will attend the card party to be
given tonight in the Hotel Colo
NAL for the benefit of st. Mary's
Star of The Sea church.
Tickets may be purchased at
the door this evening by any of
those persons who have not made
reservations. A very delightful
evening is assured those attend
ing.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
GREETINGS:
Citizens of Key West and Mon
roe County

Not being able to see all of you
IN person, may l, through the
medium of your local paper, use
this method of bringing to you
message from former Key West
ers now living in Miami and Dade
County.
Approximately 5000 former
Key Westers are now living in
Miami and Dade County. We
have a club known as the Key
West Club of Dade County and
quite a number of Key Westers
are affiliated with the club.
The club has an executive body
consisting of 27 members. 1t is
our aim to enroll every former
Key Wester and to work for the
betterment of South Florida. To
make South Florida (Which in
cludes Key West) the garden
spot of America, and the only
way to accomplish this is for
everyone of us to pull together.
There is nothing like a united
front when you are trying to ac-
complish something.
Of course, there are times
when we will have different opin-
ions, when criticism should be in
vited, but let the criticism be of a
constructive nature.
Citizens of Key West and Mon
roe County, join with US, your
neighbor, and let's work for the
things that are going to benefit
South Florida.
The Key West Club of Dade
County, through its executive
body, deliberated long time be-
fore endorsing a candidate for
Governor and finally arrived at
the conclusion that Dan Chappell
was the one man who was nearest
to all of us-a man who is a true
friend of Key Westers.
Dan Chappell has, on numerous
occasions, demonstrated his sin
cerity in fighting for competent,
sensible, workable, economical
government. He has demon
strated his sincerity and loyalty
to his constituents; he has al
ways stood and fought for the
things he believed to be for the
best interest of the greatest, num-
Der of our people.
When we have elected Dan
Chappell as our next Governor,
he will be just as sincere, just as
honest, just as willing to help re-
lieve suffering humanity from the
ever-rising burden of excessive
taration and will fight to make
this state the promised land of
the many who are seeking a place
in which to make their future
homes.
Folks. when you look into the
face of Dan Chappell, you see sim
cerity. honesty and willingness
to help you. You see written in
his countenance a desire to serve
humanity.
Dan Chappell is not a cure-all
for existing evils, but he is a two
listed, red-blooded fighter, ever
ready to express his views on pub
lie questions and ever-ready to go
the limit in fighting for those
principles which will have a ten
dency to correct these evils.
Dan Chappell is a South Florida
man. He is one who understands
our problems. one who has proven
ability, one who in later years to
whom we can point and say.
There's a man who made one of
the best Governors Florida ever
had"
Folks, you will not be making
mistake in voting for Dan Chap
pell as your Governor on June
End.
Sincerely yours,
JOE MONTICINO.
First Vice-President, Key West
Club of Dade County.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
DEMOLAYS TO
MEET TONIGHT

Robert J. Perry Chapter, Order
of DeMolay, will meet tonight in
stead of next Tuesday at the
Scottish Rite Hall, corner Simon
ton and Eaton streets.
This announcement was made
today by Master Councillor Joe
Richardson. A large attendance
of the membership is expected.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
few PURCHASES
OF SPONGE MADE

There were only a few pup
chaSes made yesterday az the Uu-
nicipal sponge dock The offer
ingS were much fewer than a.
Mondays scleS. the total offer
;ngz purchased bringing S6sS-2s-
Mondays offerings brought q
total 81 SI-50I-25. bringing the
weeks "a - ur 20 S1-SSs-53-
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

Part OF the work o. American
weather forecasting is carried on
by 5000 observers who have
never received penny of govern
ment pay.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28
new ARRIVAL AT
ROBERTS HOME

4 boy weighing eight pounds
was born Tuesday night 20 M
and Mrs Eugene A. Roberts AZ
their home 1927 Ashby street
The new arrival has been given
the name Of Richard Austin
Mother and baby are reported
= doing fine.
The Key West citizen. [volume] (Key West, Fla.) 1879-current, 1936-05-28

% e n e I i I S Dy
f, lighter taxation
than would be
required with
out reserves.
This becomes
evident if w e
consider the ma
ture of the pro-
posed reserve.
The act pro-
VideS that the
excess of any
annual appro-
priations for
t h e oil "a g e
plan over the
sum required
for fba k1~1H4