The Washington times., 1936-12-22
GR|D|R0N CLUB
RIBS LAND0N,
ROOSEVELT

vember elections, sat down to din
ner together last highland all
received a roasting" on the grid
iron at the semi-annual dinner of
the Gridiron Club at the Willard
Hotel.
Besides President Roosevelt
there were present Governor Al
fred M. Landon of Kansas, Repub-
lican candidate, Norman Thomas,
Socialist candidate, and Earl
Browder, Communist candidate.
In addition there were members
of the diplomatic corps, members
of the Supreme Court and in
dusturial and business leaders OF
the country at the dinner.
President Roosevelt and Cover
nor Landon spoke, but as is ira
ditional in the club, there were
mo reporters present" and so
their remarks were "off the
record"
No sooner had the President
arrived, and the clubs retiring
president, Edwin w. Gableman'
made his brief speech of welcome,
than it began.
With a background of Roman
splendor, a huge chariot drawn by
slaves, preceded by trumpeters,
and followed by centurions, Roman
senators and soldiers, made It's
triumphal way about the hall.
'F. D. R., Imp"
The banners waving above the
heads of the soldiers bore the
inscription:
Of. d. R., Imp"
The Republicans roared. In a
few minutes they were laughing at
themselves. In the offices of the
"Down-and-Out Research Labora-
tories" two sarcastic, rough and
tumble surgeons were performing
an autopsy on the bloated, ap-
parently lifeless form of Mr..
G. o. P.
They opened him up, peered
into a vast cavity to see what was
ailing him.
First, they removed 1.-THE Full
Dinner Pail" This had been
bothering him since 1896. Mr..
G. o. P.'s appendix, they discov-
cred, was tied up in Knox" A
Ham Fish bone was taken from
the larnyx, and bit of Borah
was removed from the throat.
They decided:
death resulted from prema-
ture Senile inability"
Then the corpse Unexpectedly
sat up, closed his gaping wound
with convenient Upper, and an.
nornced that he felt much better
and would run again in 1910.
NOtabIes a-PIenty
Watching such goings-on was
one of the most distinguished
gatherings to attend a Gridiron
dinner in the 81 years of its his
tory.
Within a buns toss of each
other were such gentlemen as
John D. Rockefeller, jr., and WPA
Administrator Harry L. Hopkins;
William Green, president of the
American Federation of Labor,
and John L. Lewis, chairman of
the Committee for Industrial Or
ganization; Postmaster General
James A. Farley and Republican
Chairman John D. M. Hamilton.
Winthrop w. Aldrich, president
Of the Chase National Bank, was
there. So was J. Edgar Hoover,
chief of the G-men and William R.
Hearst, jr.
The diplomatic corps was repre-
sented by the ambassadors of the
U. S. S. R., Japan, China, Poland,
Ecuador, Italy and Spain, and
the ministers of Austria, Rumania,
Bulgaria, Paraguay, Costa Rica,
Venezuela, Canada, Panama and
Norway.
TugwelI Toasted"
The club took former Undersec-
retary of Agriculture Rexford Tug
well, who recently entered the mo-
lasseS business, for ride. Mr.. Tug
well, so often called a red" or at
least pink, saw himself depicted
as seeking membership in the
Union League Club. He was Spon-
sored by J. P. Morgan and Samuel
insult.
In one of its most amazing skits,
the Gridiron Club took its 400
guests for a tour of a new Soviet
Russia.
Tovarich Stain sits in his home
at Hyde ParkSy-on-the Volga, re-
ceivlng the election returns.
Around him clustered his faithful
followers, IckeSovitch, Hopkinsky,
MorgenthauSky and McIntyreo-
witch.
AS the returns come through,
and Stain knows he'll be in office
for four more years, Ickesovitch
remarks:
ut is solemn mandate from
the people to give it to 'em for
four years more, and give it to
'em gOOd!"
Supreme Santas
Chief Justice Charles Evans
Hughes and Associate Justices of