The Washington times., 1936-03-04
Now
If the Cabinet
Should Relax
GAY EVENING
HELEN ESSARY

discovering TWO CdDlueI WlVGS
consulting with Fred at the May
flower about vintage wines. etc.
for the Cabinet dinner tonight
in honor of the President ano
Mrs. Roosevelt, I, being an evil
minded woman, thought how gay
this party would be if-just if
the wine were too strong. If
Just once, as a result of such an
accident, the Cabinet would
break down and be natural-in
public.
Just for tonight. I thought, let
the Cabinet be itself and have
some fun together.
What would happen in such a
case? 1 pursued this exciting
idea. What could happen?
Who would dance And who
would sing? And who would say,
SNOW really, Mr.. Secretary, after
all"
Of course, before the break
down really started, there'd have
to be rule against speech max
ing.
Otherwise in so relaxed a mind,
every gentleman present and at
least two of the ladies would
spring up simultaneously and
save the nation from the Repub-
lican party and the Liberty
League.
This danger avoided. each
guest might throw aside inhlbi-
tions. Do a stunt" play char
ades, or even CLAP in and clap
out"
A circus, differing from the one
they stage in everyday life,
would also be agreeable.
For the circus Jim Farley
would stand outside the Big Tent
he wouldn't need a megaphone
and call the charms and virtues
Of That Great Magician, r. D. r.
Speaker of the House ByraS
would make a superb contortiou-
ist in the center ring. He could
wind and unwind those long legs
of his. And bring his head up
smiling through the crick in his
left arm, and cheer for Tennes.
see. Mrs. Byrns could ride a
white horse-if they had a horse.
Vice President Garner could
play a band like nobody's business.
Mrs. Garner would have to be near
to hand him a towel to mop his
brow now and then. But shed
be there!
I can't exactly see Secretary of
State and Mrs. Cordell Hull in a
circus. I'd have to move them
over into a stately Southern atmos-
phere and have them go hand in
hand into a Virginia Reel.
Secretary of Commerce Roper,
would do nicely under the Big
Canvas. He would twirl into a
sailors hornpipe with practically
no urging at all. He'd do it well,
with his hands on his hips and his
hat cooked down on one eye.
Mrs. Roper would probably set
up a little refreshment booth and
sell ginger snaps and lemonade.
Secretary of the treasury,
Henry Morgenthau, would creak a
little as he relaxed. But once
himself, he'd be magnificent-with
gestures. He'd probably recite
'The Boy stood on the Burning
Deck, Whence All But Him Had
Fqed"-you know, and end with
"Excelsior!"
Mrs. Morgenthau would applaud
politely-up to a certain point. Then
she would answer back in the
voice of Alexander Hamilton
which she used at the Gridiron
Widows Party at the White House.
The Attorney General and Mrs.
Homer Cummings would respond
to the evening without a struggle.
I'd cast Cecilia as Beatrice
Lille. And while some of the
Cabinet gentlemen were beaming
at her as she said her witty little
pieces, Homer, standing in the
background, would smile in his
brightest and most proprietary
manner.
I've always had a feeling that
If Secretary Dern ever went nat
ural he'd be a magnificent In
dian. Tonight he could give a
series Of warwhoops, learned not
in the War Department but in
Utah. Then his smile would
tighten up. Nobody but Mrs
Dern would ever recognize the
man.
Secretary of Agriculture and
Mrs. Wallace would be aloof for
q while. But before the evening
was over-thiS imaginary evening
Mrs. Wallace would be the Vii
lage Heroine, while Mr.. Wallace
with hay seed in his hair, looked
on speculatively. Just in case
any harm was about to come to
his Ito.
The roles assumed during this
"natural" evening by Secretary OF
the Interior Ickes and Secretary
of Labor Frances Perkins would
be something else again.