The Washington times., 1936-11-05
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
By Louis SoboI
Diary Of a CoIyumist's
PUP!

I'm Which "WhiSkey" tretS oUer
and exposes some purely domeS-
tic Incidents
Tuesday - Leakage-of- the Head
is yelping all over the House be-
cause he can't find his navy
blue shirt. Goodness" says the
Queen, you've got almost so
shirts there, so why in Heavens
name do you only want that
blue one which makes you look
like a flag advertising sale at
Macy's3" and he snaps Il want
to wear it because 1 want to
wear it just like you want to
wear those freak hats, so I want
to wear a blue shirt today be-
cause I feel like a blue shirt
now where is it?"
The Lady says, ITS out in
the laundry. You only wore 1t
Saturday. You don't expect me
to wash it overnight myself
just so you can have a blue
shirt because you're in blue
shirt mood" He snarls: "a
fellows better off living in
hotel by himself, where he
can get service and nobody
nagging him what to wear and
what not to wear" She purrS:
"POOr darling. 1t wants its itty
bitty boo shirt and it can't
have it, so watch it cwy. Come
here, snOOks here's a hanky;
wipe your pity eyeS-and don't
forget your nose" Well, he's
fit to be tied and he grabs
half a dozen shirts and yankS
the laundry wrappers off them
and goes stamping around so
I'm scared to go near him be-
cause, among my kind, when
we act that way they call us
mad and shoot us.
sOBOL
He Gains down a bit after break
fast and he says, Remember Ben
ME Hall, who used to work with
me on the Graphic?" and Lady
Bountiful says, mo, who is hep"
He SAYS, HE amt he-he'S a
she. Well, she's written a book,
IOvelorn Parade and it brings
back memories. Bonnie used to
run the lovelorn column in the old
Graphic, and some of those letters
Il used to see them. Havelock
Ellis and Krafft-Ebbing had a
word for them, so now she's writ
ten a book about them. God,
when I think of those crazy lonely
heart balls they used to run-and
some of the lawsuits we almost
had because of them" The Queen
saws: 1T must be awful to be
lonely in this town. Just what
does a poor girl do when she
doesn't know anybody and she's
all alone?" He says: Il wouldn t
know. But I'd like to know how
it feels to be alone for a changer!
And this time Lady Bountiful is a
little peeVed.
Wednesday-The Lady's reading
a movie magazine and she says:
"She's such a darling isn't she?"
and he says, "Who'S a darling?"
She says, katharine Hepburn,
and it says here how many nice
things she does and nobody ever
hears about them"
With that, he almost knocks
over his glass of orange juice
and he yelIS: care you trying
to kid me? She puts on enough
airs to float the Hindenburg, so
don't talk to me about Hep
burn" "My Heavens" exclaims
the Queen, what in the world
have you got against that nice
girl?" And he says: "Three
things-he acting, her bad
manners and her high-hatted-
ness to newspaper guys who
helped make her."
Well, like she always does when
he's in that kind of mood, she
switches the subject and says
sugarly, "Honeybunch. you're in
touch with everything; is it so
that Robert Taylor is now sweet
on Greta Garbo?" And he ex-
plodes: That's the kind of rot
teroo they ship out from those
offices on the Coast. It's enuf to
turn you sick. That Carlo don't
care no more for Taylor nor he
for her than Al Smith does for
Farley. When Barbara Stanwyck
and Frank Fay's divorce is final
-that'll be next month, I think
I'll make you a bet Stanwyck be-
comes Mrs. Bob Taylor before
Washington's Birthday" She
says, "What'll you bet?" He says,
"a new hat against blue shirt
that you pay for yourself and not
come to me for the money" And
she says, you're on. Poor
Barbara-now she'll never get
Taylor with you betting on her
to win"
Thursday He's reading Jim
Tully's book, THE Bruiser," and
he seems to like it. Il sat in the
goth Century commissary with
Jim when he was just writing it
and he and Mark Kelly were talk
ing about Dempsey and the crazy
things he used to do" he says.
"And then we go over to Harry
Brandt's office and Irwin Cobb
comes in, and Harry asks him
how about going to the preview of
his picture that night-Cobb's
picture where he's the star-and
Cobb says. No, by God, I won't
go and see myself make a damn
fool of myself on the screen
TuIly filters and Cobb turns to
him and says, Don't ever turn