davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22
Plenty Of Humor In An |ndian Reno Preacher Maintains
OMB That Redskins Don't 4gb Not Lugg 1T AAbIme

Yorker asked me. "They always seem so stoid. No
emotions"
THE very next time had chance to talk to the
] original Americans, thought l would seek the
answer. ventured:
"A white squaw from the big camps asked me
why an Indian never laughs You tell me why"
That far as got. They sat unmoved
as the Supreme Court. Then sidelong glance,
meaningful gesture and an uproar. Sadie Winnie
mucca, an expansive desert dweler, shook until
she rolled off her seat.
Professor -, of Chicago University, wanted
to meet and talk with them. He is an authority
on ethnology.
Would you say few words to them, profess
sor?"
He talked too long and said too little. After
wards friendly Piute expressed his opinion to
"Umph Um-mph He talk; big wind, no rain"
And he laughs best because he laughed last. After
you beat Chinaman start an Indian.
| IINCOA1MUNICATIVE, you say. Yes, but when
~ he starts his story, never stop him. You break
the continuity and he will commence all over
Judge Barry was telling me of having Sho-
shone for witness in murder trial. He quizzed:
Where were you on the night of May 4th?"
my cabin, Crazy Creek"
What did you hear?"
HE knock on door"
"And now will you tell the jury who it was who
knocked on the door of your cabin, on Crazy Creek
on the night of May 4th?"
To the CONSERVATION of the court, but true to
a race which never can be hurried, his reply was:
HE'LL How I tell? no open door yet"
The sutler over at the Reservation displayed
with much pride his new revolving meat slicer.
"Me buy two bits ham. You cut EN-"
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

object and the knife jammed So knew the blade
had been wrecked
backed the team, lifted the drawbar to position,
got down to what had struck, and discovered
it to be an iron pin about 18 inches long and
inch in diameter. 1t rather soft iron and the
head of it had been mushroomed trifle SO l
knew it had formerly been used as picket pin.
And the only people in country who used
picket pin were little one-cow farmers, who had
a habit of stalking their out a rope. There
was one such farmer in our neighborhood and he
and my father had bickered for years over line
fence and local politics
This neighbor, | knew, mean, treacherous
and vindctive old man, l realized instantly that
he had driven this iron picket pin in my fathers
oat field well knowing that it would wreck the
mower in harvest time.
My father coming down to what had hap
pened arrived in time to hear pay my respects
to our wretched neighbor in language rich and
racy Of course l could do much better job of
cussing now but as l recall it that early job was
pretty good. When paused because had covered
the ground adequately, l happened to glance up
and beheld look of frozen horror on my fathers
face.
Well of course no father visit physical pun
ishment on son who is an old soldier. He can
only shake with inward spasms l said: dad,
what's the matter? Are you going to have a
stroke?" After a while he said: 81 knew the army
would ruin you," and walked sadly away.
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

TWENTY years later my father and got to dis
cussing that neighbor and apostrophized him
in language even hotter than that which previously
had so shocked my father. And all my dad did was
shake his head in affirmation and agree that the
man certainly was ornery old skunk.
The years had done that to him. They had given
him a keener understanding of human fraty And
the years have done the same to me. Any cussing
l indulge in nowadays is quite synthetic 1t lacks
the old robust quality of youth. And l notice that
almost any modern author who is a disciple of
what he terms realism, has his hero-and even
his heroine language that in my youth never
appeared in print except when chalked On fences
and barns by dirty little boys on their way home
from school Incidentally, the dirty little boys had
the decency to remain anonymous.
All of my mature years l have tried not to be
croaker and prophesy the ruin of society because
of the rising generation. Boys and girls always
interest and attract to such an extent that
no longer accept invitations from my old friends
to attend their childrens graduation exercises.
When | gaze upon their innocence and consider
how life may bruise and batter and break them,
| am apt to weep and make fool of myself.
My faith in the rising generation is still unshat-
tered-in the case of boys and girls who have de-
cent and intelligent fathers and mothers. Times
change, but human nature does not. The tree
grows as the twig is bent and have observed that
complaints to the contrary are most apt to ema-
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

with Western etiquette, and only knowing the
politeness which begets marital unrest and divorce
could not restrain himself
Say, Mr.: Indian, it doesn't look right. You are
riding and she's walking. And she is carrying all
the load"
"Eh? Umph! Sol" Jim grunted. "she no got
horse"
He kicked his fuzz-tail and moved on, keeping
precedence to his spouse, as all good husbands
should do but only the Braves dare
HE said that and never smiled uttered my
friend.
"But he laughed to himself and he laughed at
you which is a lot funner" | reminded him.
why does an Indian never laugh?' Mrs. New
PAGE TWO
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

Proudly the merchant spun his razor-edged
blade through the meat.
pretty good eh, jim? Cuts it pretty nice?"
'Yeh," replied the stole, who had been watching
not only the machine but the thin waters it laid
out
''Yeh Him close. Dam near miss EN-
Smart and evasive as politician. Enjoy
smile with we read the paper with the names
of several most prominent citizens arrested for
drunkenness and disorderly conduct = Woodrow
Wilson, Henry Ward Beecher Key Pittman and
others lofty. These the names this taciturn
race give to the police when booked.
Some of them carry their adopted titles in tattoo.
Imagine the drollery of Jim" boasting:
me vote. Me American"
who you vote for?"
big Chief Roosevelt Him good man."
Whats your name when you vote?"
Here he pulls up his sleeve and reveals with
much pride: Herbert Hoover.
IRON down near Bishop mining friend relayed
] this story:
The Indians were returning to Owens Valley
from their annual pinenut hunt. Coso George
drove up to the filling station at Independence.
"Where you been, George?" inquired the friendly
distributor of gas-both petroleum and personal.
"Nebadaah"
what you do in Nevada, George?"
Pine -nutting."
where are your pinenuts?"
mo pinenuts."
Whats the matter? You get no pnenuts. All
the Indians get nuts"
mo pinenuts, me-"
whats the matter, George, you no good?"
me no hab no squaw."
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

SOS we couldn't do anything about it. If l could
have laid down and rested for just five minutes 1
would have drowned happy And in the mornin' us
sailors give up We dropped on the deck, not KNOWN
thing.
come to next evenin' feen rested And there
on the poop was the strangest riggin that dis
graced sea-goin' vessel. The farmer in charge of
the cattle shipment had made a Dutch windmill
an there she was, pumpin' just mite faster than
the Gloria Snaithers was a-leakin'
No sailor in the world would a-thought of thing
like that, and all the sailors would a-laughed at
that farmers idea.
It's very inspirin' to watch how our reformers
an diplomats, an politicians an military experts
are a-breakin' their backs to save our poor old
world If they was to just give up and quit it might
be that some ignoramus would build us windmill
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

For peccadillos that brought to my fathers son
cout on the and passionate declaration that,
unless l minded my step would, some Friday
morning, walk up 13 steps at San Quentin peni-
tentary and be hanged by the neck until dead
sons, my father has an indulgent smile He informs
me, pridefully that the boys are full of life but
sound at heart
Whenever | observe such evidences of broad
mindedness on the part of my paternal ancestor
/ am reminded of the terrific shock inflicted on
him in the days when he couldn't take it. was
19 years old and had just returned from IA months
of active service in the regular army Looking back
along the years, still maintain that when enlisted
was a pretty nice boy. didn't drink and didn't
swear and in the presence of my parents did not
smoke | said sir and ma am" to my elders, /
said my prayers morning and evening and lifted
my hat to ladies. However, while in the army
took on the protective coloration of my surround
ings without being aware of it. AS boy in the
company of grown men lost my boyhood in
hurry.
\A/ELL the day after my return to the farm
w my father decided to little patch of
oats. Now, before l left the farm, moving grain
the only kind of farm work didn't loathe-
probably because it the only job on the farm
that one could accomplish while sitting down. q
greatly fear was born alert enough mentally, but
physically lazy) In a spirit of magnifcence, told
my father l would NOW that field, and because
he was nc longer young, he permitted me to do it.
l was getting along beautifully until suddenly the
drawbar of the mower changed into a metallic
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

For five days and
nights what was left
of the crew worked
the hand pump. And
five days and nights
the water gained half
an inch an hour, regu-
lar as fate.
There amt no form
of heather torture
like a hand pump.
That fifth night we
was eight crazy men.
I mind I prayed with
every dip of the pump
that the ship would
open up to the sea
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

"You got 'em tobac ?
Match, you got 'em ?"
He did have paper for
his roll-a scrap of
brown he had picked up
in the town he had just
left.
Behind him, Indian
fashion, and sufficient
PAGES off to maintain
tribal manners, came
Susie, waddling like a
duck, a papoose on her
back and the family
groceries in her arms.
My friend from the
East, not being familiar
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22

convinced little Moe supplied in
dubitable proof that the rising
generation was headed straight
for Gehenna on a down-hill haul.
And l am quite convinced that
each generation since man first
formulated code of conduct has
been the despair of its predeces-
S0r.
In this connection, however, |
notice a pronounced inconsistency
or the part of my elders. What
they condemned in their own chill.
dren appears to be a perfectly
natural action on the part of their
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22
Peter B. Kyne Finds New Generation About Same As Last
Youth Al1pays Object Of
AdUerye Criticism = But
Most Of 1t Is UwoAuded

(For years the novels and fiction stories of Peter
kyne have been read thousands throughout the world
Now readers of this magazine have the opportunity
another side Of this outstanding Westerner His color
full has kept him in touch with every of life,
hence the value of his observations the passing
The Editor.)
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22
Youngsters Unkindness
Does Not Prone They'll
Become HO0dlums Later

nate from childless persons and middle-aged or
aged grouches no sane person would have any
thing to do with, anyhow, if he could help it.
MOUTH is unknd and thoughtless, but that is
not evidence that youth will develop into
hoodlum In my youth the greatest fun knew was
to go to the adjacent town and in association with
another young devil who is now the respectable
father of large and respectable family, put down
barrage of rocks the roof of the local Chinese
laundry. All that we might know the deirious thrill
of being pursued by shrieking, furious mob of
law-abiding Chinese
Eventually Hop Lee, the proprietor, did us
very dirty trick. He refused to permit his men to
pursue U.S. Then, on the Fourth of July, he gave
each of us couple of packets of pistol fre-crack-
ers and we ashamed of ourselves And yet,
I can still hear old lady Woodward, observing our
bombardment, running to the local constable and
abusing him for not arresting us. She couldn't
understand why he refused to take us seriously,
but do--now.
The constable, who was very polite Hispano-
Californian, had half-wit brother, who, when
teased would give us fine run. One day the con-
stable rounded up and complained sadly that
we were hurting the feelings of his brother. Poor
Juan," he said, "he have not the brains, but you,
Carlos, and you, Pedro, you have the brains You
will do me the great favor not to tease my poor
brother again, no ?" We did him the favor. Indeed,
had we been dogs, we would have tucked our tails
between our legs.
MOT so very long ago saw two boys about Ia
iNyears old walk up to each other and, without
a word being spoken, commence trading punches.
Their work was beautiful The little rascals could
box. But could see that one fought defensive
fight; the other offensive.
"Hah," 1 thought, "the defensive chap has
licking coming to him; he knows it. He'll run in
a minute - not from his opponent but from his
guilty conscience" Two ladies hard by shreked
to me to stop it-nay, commanded me to- "Tush,"
I replied, they're enjoying it and so am I. Too
bad it'll be soon"
One of the elderly ladies informed me I was
brute. did not deny this and it would have been
futile to inform her that many time and oft, in
the purple twilight of the long ago, had thrilled
through every nerve in my young body to the joy
of physical combat in an old barn on the way home
from school. So why should be kill-joy now?
The defensive fighter went down and stayed
down. He had had enough. The victor walked pride
fully away; as he passed me he winked at me an
eye that was rapidly developing mouse
Little ruffian," the old ladies Kissed.
Little gentleman" corrected.
"The children nowadays are"
Gorgeous" I interrupted provided their up
bringing is not left to fools Why generalize? You
can't make silk purse out of sow's ear"
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22
BY Peter B. kyne

| DARESAY that after Pharaoh's daughter found
Moses in the bulrushes and decided to adopt
him. there occurred occasions when she was quite
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22
E1Vl:117
GILBERT VWKIoHT
MAN THE PUMPSl

| MIND the time when we was demasted durin'
hurricane, in the Gloria Sithers. We laid rollin'
helpless and the old girl commenced takin' water.
Imperial Valley press., 1936-03-22
BY BREWSTER ADAMS
For rs Years Reno's Baptist Preacher

. IDING cayuse Big Jim met us on the trail
~ his long legs dangling almost to the ground,
as he rode bareback
The Washington times., 1936-03-05

When Harry gets these two
letters from Emma and Ruth
what do you imagine he is going
to think of the writer's?
He'll be surprised for one
thing. He has always thought Of
Emma as lively, entertaining
girl. But when he sees that
round, Informed handwriting,
that salmon pink notepaper with
the wretched monogram. ana
fancy lined border, he is GER
tainly going to be made aware,
abruptly, of the sad shortage in
Emma's social experience and
background.
He's going to feel better when
he reads Ruth's letter. He will
appreciate the plain white paper,
simple, but of good quality, and
the good-looking initials. AS he
reads the letter he will feel that
Ruth enjoyed writing it, that
she'd like to see him again, that
the town he has left is an in
teresting place to come back to,
Those hikes in the spring,
picnics and tennis in summer,
the old crowd at dances and
jamboreeS-hell like to remem'
The Washington times., 1936-03-05

half-dozen pounds between now
and Spring. Beginners can lose
from 10 to IL pounds in this same
period of time, since they are work
ing with the soft fat, which melts
easily.
There are two times in the re-
ducer's program when the fruit re-
gime is indispensable. The first is
at the beginning of the reducing
program, and then again with the
second layer Of fat. The chief
value Of the fruit regime in the
beginning is the psychological ef-
feet of losing number Of pounds
almost Immediately.
However, in some cases, in NOV.
ing the second layer Of adipose
tissue, the regime is an absolute
necessity.
BY following the regime for two
consecutive days you should be
able to give the stubborn pounds q
second downward shove. 1t may
take three days.
Remember. however. never to
follow the fruit regime for more
than three days in succession. If
necessary, it may be adopted again
the next week.
In the reducing program, eXer-
else is on a par with calorie count
ing. Exercise is highly important
in the beginners program, for con-
tinued reducing, and for all the
times in between.
Just to reduce is not enough. It
is a figure-conscious age, and exer-
else is needed for redistribution OF
weight.
This return to the fruit regime
affords convenient starting point
for the newcomer, who has just
caught on to her calorie surplus.
It is not too late to lose as much
as a round dozen pounds between
now and Spring.
I'll be seeing you-lighter!
FRUIT AND VEGETABLE REGIME
Breakfast
Orange Juice, l glass
Peaches, 2 halves
Coffee, clear
Luncheon
Tomato Bouillon
Combination Vegetable Salad
(Reducer's DressinG)
Two Fresh Fruits
Dinner
Tomato Juice
Celery Radishes
Vegetable Plate
String Beans Carrots, Cabbage
Large Fresh Fruit salad
(Reducers Dressing)
Your diettian.
IDA JEAN KAHN.
The Washington times., 1936-03-05

stage of the game, reducing is
seven-eighthS will-power and one
eighth diet plus exercise.
The Fruit Regime not only acts
as an early spring tonic, but in
arrested reducing it is sometimes
the only measure vigorous enough
to give this solid fat the push it
needs.
Some of you have not yet
reached the solid fat, which we
call the second layer, but those of
you who are at a standstill need
the impetus Of the Fruit Regime.
There may be any one of several
factors interfering with weight
loss at this time. OF course, the
first big reason is your total over
weight, and you may as we'll know
that if you are excessively over
weight, you can't hope to keep
clipping off the pounds as you did
with the first layer. That was just
to cheer you up when the going
gets hard, as it always does.
How long have you been over
weight? That is another conSidera-
ton in current weight loss. Per
haps you took years to collect all
those pounds, and if so, you must
expect to devote a little time to
getting rid of them. Duration
of overweight figures in your re-
ducing pace, as does the total of
your excess.
Whatever the reason for delayed
loss, it can be overcome, so don't
be discouraged. The fruit regime
will give the second layer a sub
stantial jolt and start the pounds
moving.
From now on, those who are
dealing with the second layer will
find progress slower, but you may
count on losing at least another
The Washington times., 1936-03-05
By MARY PADGETT

Four generations of one family
were admitted at one time into
membership Of the Robert E. Lee
Chapter, United Daughters of the
Confederacy, at the recen
meeting.
Mrs. Richard Allen, president of
the chapter, who received the four
women into membership, said she
believes that such an unusual oc-
currence has hardly been paral-
leled by other chapters.
The women are Mrs. Sallie Bush
Viers, Mrs. Lula Bush Jennings,
Mrs. Mary Franklin Lipphard and
Miss Lula Lipphard, descendants
Of Sergt. Bushrod Washington
Skillman, of Loudon county, Va,
who served in Company I, Eighth
Virginia.
Plans are under way by the
Robert E. Lee Chapter for a card
party to be given at Confederate
Memorial Home, 1922 Vermont
Ave. N. w., Monday, April 6.
The District Of Columbia Divi-
sion Of the United Daughters will
hold a card party at the May
flower Hotel on March 20.
The Washington times., 1936-03-05
BRIDAL ATTENDANTS


Dear Mrs. Beeckman:
"PIease tell me II . brides
brother can be the best man and
the brides sister the maid Of honor
at her wedding? M"
The bride customarily invites
her sister to be her maid of honor
at her wedding. But it is not the
privilege of the bride to suggest to
her groom whom he is to invite for
his best man Usually the groom
wishes to have his own brother as
best man, or, if he hasn't a brother,
he invites a cousin or his best
friend.
If it so happens that the groom
hasn't q brother and that his best
friend happens to be the brides
brother, then it would, of course,
be appropriate for him to invite
The Washington times., 1936-03-05
WOmeneS Club
Calendar
TODAY

Woman's National Democratic
Club-Educational Round Table;
speaker, Mrs. Robert E. Nelson,
Foreign Affairs" II a. M: meet
ing of Business and Professional
Group, 8 p. m, 1925 New Hamp-
shire Ave. N. w.
Soroptimist Club-Board meet
ing, 8 p. M, Willard Hotel.
Danes of the Loyal Legion
Meeting 2 p m, Mayflower
Hotel.
Blue Triangle Club-D n n e r
meeting, 6:15 p. m. Y. w. C. A.
Women's City Club-Book re-
view, 2 p. M, 736 Jackson Pl.
N. w.
TOMORROW
Washington Branch, American
Association of University Women
Bridge. 1880 p. M, clubhouse,
1884 I st. N. w.
Twentieth Century b
French Section meeting, 2 D, M,
Y. w. C. A.
George B. Mccoy Unit, Amer.
lean Legion Auxiliary, 2. p. m.
Mayflower Hotel.
Federal Chapter No. SO, o. E. S.
Card party, $3.50 p. M, Thomas
Circle Club.
Women's Auxiliary of the Cot.
tage City Fire -Bingo
party, 8 p. m, Fire House on
Barney st.
The Washington times., 1936-03-05

Der them. And he'll want to
come back, to a girl like Ruth!
The simplest experiences can
go to make up a good letter;
planting the garden, watching
Jimmie learn to ride a bicycle,
chit-chat heard at the last party,
nonsense that amused you on the
radio.
Niceties Of etiquette are import.
ant in all letters. Good form
rules out Friend Sally" "Hello
there" and the like as saluta.
tionS. my dear Mrs. Smith" is
more formal than Dear Mrs.
Smith" Never use in closing
Sincerely" Cordially" "Affec.
The Washington times., 1936-03-05
How to Write Friendly Letters Easily

dash off your correspondence
with a sure hand. Rely on our
40-page illustrated Home Institute
booklet, HOW TO WRITE LET.
TERS FOR ALL OCCASIONS.
Many sample letters to guide
you. A gem of precise informar
tion.
To order your copy, use coupon
The Washington times., 1936-03-05

tionately," because they Ire un-
grammatical. They should be
written Sincerely yours" "Cor-
daily yours" "Affectionately
yours"
Don't let confusion on these
details make letter-writing q dull
chore. Brush up on the fine
points Of good letter-writing, and
The Washington times., 1936-03-05

No matter when you're reody to
Ieove .. you're sure to find
Pennsylvania RoiIrood train to
take you. Not one or two feotUred
trains :. but O greet f1eet Of
40 daily between the heart Of
The Washington times., 1936-03-05
SERVANT PROBLEM

SS~@@~~
Dear Mrs. Beeckman:
at is right or wrong for nurse
maid to entertain while my hus-
band and / are out? One day
upon returning home, I found my
maid in the living room entertain
ing her boy friend and brother.
1 give her every Thursday off and
every other Saturday and Sun
day. READER.
1t is thoroughly out Of order for
your nursemaid to entertain her
friends in your living room. and
you must make her definitely un-
derstand this. You are generous
in the amount of time-off you give
her, and she shouldn't take advan-
tage of your generosity by doing
things that are inappropriate for
her to do.
The Washington times., 1936-03-05
Seek New Members


The membership drive Of the
Women's City Club, under the di-
rection Of Mrs. Harvey w. Wiley,
chairman of the membership COM
mittee, is being especially centered
on the younger women of the city.
In an announcement, Mrs. Wiley
said that this large group of
women, many of them new to
Washington, have not had an op-
portunity to become actively iden-
titled in the civic and social life
Of the community, and that i'm
mediate steps should be taken by
the club to make it possible for
them to share more fully the ad-
vantages offered by the city
through membership in the club,
service which the club was really
founded to provide.
Ann Gillis, publicity director of
the Washington office of the Co
lumbia Broadcasting System, will
give a talk on "broadcasting" be-
fore members Of the Ladies Aux
iliary of Jewish War Veterans,
Post No. So, at their hospitality
tea" next Wednesday afternoon
from 2 to 4 o'clock in the Jewish
Community Center.
Mrs. Jean OStrower Is chairman
Of the tea.
Mis- Grace p. FtYSNneeH aNosan.