Evening star., 1936-04-19

dinner, oUer Which he pre-
sided.
with the government Of checks and
balances"
Its working perfectly-all checks
and no balances" drily asserted
Uncle Sam.
Representatives of the various po-
litical factions crowded to the stage.
Among them was Upton Sinclair.
A figure sobbing was discovered at
one side 1t was Walter F. Brown of
Ohio who lamented that 1T isn't even
fun to buy southern delegates any
more"
Borah and Smith as Girls.
Suddenly out of the wings appeared
two girls, appearing greatly dis
tressed. They were Wilhelmina
Borah and Alfredo Smith. Wilhel-
nina explained that Alfredo and she
were taken for a ride and we're
walking back"
I'm never going riding again with
that Franklin Roosevelt" exclaimed
Alfredo.
1T couldn't be any worse than
happened to me with Charles D.
Hilles and j. Henry Roraback," as
serted Wilhelmina.
To the tune of Heaven Will Pro-
tect Working Girl" Alfredo sang:
Going riding is Just grand
If you're sure of where you'll land,
And the driver isn't one to take a
whirl.
But if you have any doubt,
Then you'd better far get out
| For Heaven will protect a walking
girl"
Thomas jefferson, proclaiming that
all this was nonsense, insisted that
the same old bandwagon is going to
lead the procession in this campaign,
just as it always has. with the same
two old parties aboard" Suddenly
every one started jumping for the
bandwagon, as the orchestra played
the music of Oregon Trail"
The next scene unfolded before the
diners a burlesque built around the
! predicament of IL Du Points on the
| forty-eighth floor of Al Smiths EN-
pire State Building during the recent
elevator strike.
LandOn on the Fire.
Next to be tossed on the gridiron
was Gov. Alf NJ. Landon of Kansas,
in an interlude entitled Twilight in
Topeka" The scene opened with Ma
Landon laying aside her sunb0nnet TO
strum Schumann's "Traumerer' on
her harp.
Pa Landon, carrying bucket and
hoe, entered, expressing, in nasal.
back country accent. his affection for
these dear old prairies, so different
from the corrupt East, where I was
born"
Ma Landon urged her husband to
"cut out the hick stuff" and be him.
self. since the reporters have gone
home" Dropping the nasal twang,
Pa Landon asserted that since Ma
was dispensing kansas culture on
the harp" he thought the reporters
were still around, since that act uSu-
ally was reserved for the Eastern
press and William Randolph Hearst"
"The governor" asserted Ma, simu-
lating hick voice to Boston news
paper calling by telephone. 'is de-
voting his entire time to the affairs
of the State of Kansas. He cannot
discuss national politics" The same
answer was given a Baltimore news
paper calling few minutes later.
Dikes Editorial Flare.
Meanwhile, Ma with glee revealed
that the new mimeograph machine
had arrived and that "a wonderful
circular press room" had been set up
in the silo. Pa expressed pleasure
over the favorable editorial reaction
he was receiving in the Eastern news
papers.
IT knew these overalls would get
'em, and there's the oil lamp" as
serted pa. "The damned thing
stinks, but it sells oil. I understand
there are electric lights in the White
House"
When the telephone rang third
time, Ma Landon automatically started
off in her nasal twang to explain that
the governor could not discuss ma
tional affairs, but she suddenly stop
ped and then abandoning her hick
voice, added: ooh. it is so nice to
hear your voice." explaining to her
husband it was that mice Mr.. Roy
Roberts of the Kansas City Star" Pa
gave Roberts an exclusive interview,
asserting that "the way to balance
the budget is to balance it," but that
"Kansas, however, will not insist on
declining its share of Federal relief"
Quickly the scene was shifted to
that of the deck of ship, tossed by
storm ION a sea of Federal relief"
manned by crew in costume OF the
period of "Mutiny on the Bounty"
AS the lights came up and the winds
abated, a cry was heard for the
supercargo. Mr.. Hopkins. When ne
appeared he was asked whittier the
ship was bound.
Fears Constitution Reefs.
whenever our New Deal craft gets
going good in a fair wind and
following sea-" explained Hopkins,
I'VE run into an uncharted con-
stitutional reef and it takes us three
months to get started again"
The peril of the Supreme Court to
the New Deal was described by a
soloiSt.
Honest Harold" Ickes was called on
to explain how the ship was operated.
He said the New Deal Relief Ship
had no captain-or rather sit has
nine captains" Indeed, he explained,
"the fate of this ship is in the hands
of a nine-man Soviet"
Hopkins observed that 'it's no Won
der we can't tell where we're going"
since sometimes six of the cap.
tains think we ought to 60 In one
direction, and three of them think