Milford chronicle., 1936-07-03
A Worm Trying 70 Give al
THE PHONEY VENEER

NCE there was a Young Man
with a 80 Per Cent Slope
~ above his Eyebrows and an
Open Space, where his Chin
should have been. He had taken
three full Courses in a Correspond
ence School which told the Provin.
cial how to acquire Personality, but
he had not yet annexed enough to
help him in tagging a Street Car.
Always he seemed to blend into
the Surroundings, just like a Piece
Of Furniture. If he started to say
Something in Company, that was
the Signal for all the Others to be-
gin talking. He could stand in a
Department Store for Hours with
out being waited on. He was King
Of the Strap-Hangers and held the
World Record for being pushed or
the Sidewalk by the white-faced
Ships who walk three and four
abreast.
In every Generation there are
certain Men who leave their I'm
press upon the World. Mr.. Efing-
ham Gifts had not made as much
as a Dent. He was compelled to
use influence to get his Name into
the City Directory. HIS Mail con
sisted Of Catalogues and PropO-
sitlons In regard to the Purchase
Of Books on a Weekly Payment
Plan.
A SLOGAN SWALLoWER
If Mr.. Gifts often pondered on
Death and decided to postpone the
Shuttle as long as possible, it was
because he knew darned well that |
his Funeral would be a Flop.
Probably what fused Dir. Gifts
more than anything else was the |
gloomy Fact that the Female Sex
regarded him as a Swozzie.
Mr.. Efingham Glitts was old
enough to have a Home Of his own.
a fine Job at a sweet Salary and a
Standing in Society. He saw Men
OF his own Age being elected to
Congress, building Sky-Scrapers and
bossing Railroads.
Whereas, he sat at a Desk and
handled some Of the piffling De
tails Of a large corporation.
It was about a Year ago that
Mr.. Gifts decided to stop playing
the Third Assistant Grave-Digger
and be the curly-haired hero. When
IN insect starts out to be an Eagle
that is Some Contract, but EfIing-
ham was hopeful and determined.
He had been on a diet Of uplift-
ng Editorials and nice hot Slogans.
he had been deYOuring these in
Jpiratlonal Pieces on how to achieve
success. Most Of them had been
written by salaried Hacks who owed
grocery Bills.
HAD GOOD INTENTIONS
8Ir. Gifts believed anything that &
vas printed and framed. Every I
lme he read one Of those highly
riginal instructions hanging above
Desk he resolved to be himself v
nd keep on smiling and do 1t and /
lot worry. He wanted to obey all I
{ the Rules which had helped so b
iany Humble Beginners to work c
heir way up to S1,SO0 Jobs. So he v
lade his Plans to emerge from a
he Hay each A. NJ. and greet the e
ew-born Day with high Courage.
He had It straight from a Is Il
ent Magazine that every Mortal j
an get away with Anything If he a
as the Nerve to jump right in and a
ct a Strangle Hold on the imme- g
late Problem. II
He went to his Couch one Eve r
Ing as a low-grade Mokus and
rose next Morning as a strong and n
lent Character who was going TO F
n open the World as II It were G
soft-shell Clam and incidentally Il
It the Women all worked up about II
Im and then smile sardonlcaily as Il
} watched them suffer. Il
Possibly our good Friend was "
tile feverlsh under the Fedora re
hen he formulated this high Re, le
i've, but he meant well, and he
re made a decisive Stab at Great b.
IS. j