The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1936-01-11
Squaring
The Circle
With
McCREADY HUSTON
srcCREADY HUSTON

T HAVE been reading in the Toledo
= NeWs-Bee about Joe Collier, one
OF our star reporters on The IN
dianapolis Times. 1t seems that
when Joe was on the News-Bee he
wrote New Years eve radio
column that became sort of news
paper classic. 1t was almost a New
Years column to end New Years
columns. This New Years the
column written by Ben Mendoza of
the News-Bee memorialized Joe's
achievement with an imitation of it,
with due credit.
1t is too long to reprint here and
it does not lend itself to cutting.
But the idea is for radio editor
to imagine himself before his own
set listening to the new year come
in around the world. He has made
his resolutions, among them to drink
nothing but beer. While he listens
he is writing his next days column.
A S he goes on, he thinks of the
4 n many New Years gift of fine
brandies, WHISTLES, runs, cordials.
wines and other potablas that have
arrived and begins sampling them.
He has heard an old German saying
that beer after hard liquor is bad
but not before. The upshot of it is
that he gets SO he can not hit the
typewriter keys, calls up President
Roosevelt to wish him a happy New
Year, and wakes up next morning
under the radio set.
The feature of the column is that
it tails off with incoherent printed
lines just as they would appear if a
New Years celebrant had written
them. 1t is a good piece of hunor,
and all the better because the fellow
who inspired it and the one who
paraphrased it are gentle and tenn
perate souls.
T ET'S get one thing settled. I
e. made reference to my school
ing in Ann Arbor and right away
I get letter from the secretary of
the University of Michigan Club,
Frank H. Davis, inquiring if I an
an alumnus and inviting me to
qualify and join in the clubs &C
Invites. Unfortunately I have to
write Mr.. Davis to say that T am
not an alumnuS. What happened
was this, and it is typical of many
persons of my time.
Some years ago-I shrink from
saying how many-almost any per-
son who could read and write and
had the necessary political influence,
could get a common school teaching
license in Pennsylvania. I was
tired of working in the local railroad
ticket Office and so I went to the
county superintendent, who knew
my father, and asked him for a Ii
cense. He gave it to me without any
examination and then my father
caused the school board to give me
a job.
A LII this sounds fantastic now,
l. n but it is true. I had the ninth
grade, one page ahead of the pupils
all winter. When summer came
my conscience suggested that I get
some education to give me a sem
blance of teaching equipment, SO I
went to the University of Michigan
summer school. For the informa-
ton of Michigan alumni I lived at
Mrs. Summers boarding house on
Safest.
This I repeated for four years. I
do not recall passing any courses
except one or two in English. Too
much time in a canoe on the HUI
ron; too much time on the tennis
courts; two much time on the
porches of the co-eds' rooming
houses. Ann Arbor was a grand
summer resort.
EINALLY it was apparent that
l. the Pennsylvania authorities
were going to clamp down on the
unprepared teachers and require
some stiff formal qualifications, so
I took a bow and joined the county
seat newspaper as reporter.
OUCH things are impossible today
~ and for the sake of my children
I rejoice that t,ley are.
DUT one thing about my educa-
- ton, limited though it was, has
no superior today. 1t was Reed
g. Kellogg's little yellow grammar
that taught parsing and diagram
ing. After a fellow had been
through Reed & Kellogg ne at least
could write a grammatical sentence.
r-o,,dn,. how Y, my, ram am aa,. those