The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1936-10-22
THE VOICE OF
Broadway
By Louis SoboI
Diary Of a CoIyumist's
Pup!

(BIdbbermouth "WhiSkey" Con.
ttnueS His Intimate ReUelGtionSJ
TueSday-Chronic Dyspepsia's
in q bit Of a other over a piece
he's reading. God, this is awful"
he groans. Look, it says here in
Esquire where this guy in the
South used to pass dull afternoons
whipping colored slave girls. Then
he'd seal the gaSheS with blazing
sealing wax and lash away again
to see how many strokes it would
take to knock the hardened wax
out. And this is nice, too-in
RuSSia-thiS big guy who used to
slash away the flesh of prisoners
and rip out the SinewS with his
bare hands. 1t makes me sick.
Why don't you get Annie to boil
these eggs three minutes? For
gossake, these are like bricks"
Lady Bountiful says: why do
you read those horrible things at
breakfasts" And he says, IF I
didn't keep reading, how could I
keep up with everything?" And
she says, IT don't see what good
reading about tortureS does" He
gives her one of those looks over
his glasses and bites his words off
when he talks: mo, 1 guess you
wouldn't understand. The kind of
life you lead-plenty to eat and
wear-what goes on in the rest of
tho VUnr.ll NooBt xr,orrx, VIZ, V1ovoa
And she says, "All right, Mr..
God, you fix this world up and
make us all nice people. I've got
to go to the hairdresSer'S. Did you
answer Sophie fuckers letter." He
says: What is there to answer?
She writes she's going like house
afire at the GroSvenor and she
sends me flock of clippings with
raves about her-So what can I
write back? 1 know she's good
and I know she's a hit in London;
what's there to write back about?"
The Queen shrugs her shout
ders. 81 wish 1 had her in
dependence" she signs. "She
doesn't have to come to any
one for what she needs. / wish
/ were a star and made my own
money and not have to depend
upon man. LOOKUP play
that business game with you.
I'm in a new business" And he
growIs, ooh, all right, all right
what buSineSS?" She says:
"COlumniSt business" He says:
Flows buSiness?" She giggles:
"Peeking up" and he gives her
a sour stare.
Wednesday-It seems they want
him to go on the air IS minutes
every night, except Saturday and
Sunday, and he finally turned it
down because it was too much
work, so the Queen argues with
him that it was a mistake and
he growls: why is it q mistake?
I work myself into nervous break
down just writing those five pages
every day for the paper; howinell
will I write Is pages every day
all fresh stuff? It drove me nuts
those three times a week on Lucky
Strike a few years ago. What'u
doing it every day do?"
She purrs: Bring you some
money. and can use it," He says:
Money amt everything-besides,
it's only six stations. If can't get
a coast-to-coast hookup, t'hen with
it," So she says: We'll, don't get
your blood-pressure up, sweet;
was only kidding" And he says:
Maybe I was foolish; do you
think" She says: "Oh, forget it.
Are you taking me to the show to-
night?" He says: mo, you go your
self had enough of that one last
night. I wish that Helen Menken
would learn to speak little louder
she's swell but you have to have
earphones to hear her" She says:
what did Mervyn Leroy have to
say in his letter? like him-he's
awfully nice" Little Importance
says: ooh, he wrote about story
going the rounds about how Tod
Browning who likes to handle
macabre films like The Devil Doll
and Ere kS'-they were his
heard Mervyn had a story called
Magic Hands, so he thought this
was something up his alley and he
made an offer to Mervyn for it
and Merv got him all excited about
it for awhile, and then finally told
him it was really story about the
magic hands of a famous bloodless
surgeon-So the deals Off"
She says: what were you and
Herb Cruikshank talking about
so busiIy last night?" He says:
80, nothing much. But he told
me this director Ed Griffith is
in Spain now where the fight
ing is thickeSt, and suddenly he
remembered that Ladies in
Love- is going to open and he
wants to send flowers to the four
girls, SimOne Simon, Constance
Bennett, Janet GaynOr and LO-
retta YOung-SO he flashes a
press card on the Spanish teIeg-
rapher and gets a wire through
to London and then through to
New York and Hollywood, so
that each of the girls gets a
cOrsage of black orchids. But
after the wire goes through, the
Spanish censor suddenly gets
worried and thinks it's a mes
sage in code and they hold Crit
fifth for investigation" The
Queen says: II think that's