The McDowell times. [volume] (Keystone, W. Va.) 1904-1941, 1936-10-09
Bill Said II Was q Trade.


poor Bill, the ignorant Hobo, just
four Hours before the Property be-
came valuable beyond the most ex-
cited Dreams of Avarice. In the
morning the Stock had been quoted
at one-fourth of One Cent a Share.
so that the great Bundle of Shares
which the Slicer wished on to Bill
represented an actual Market Value
of SIS. Before Nightfall q local
Syndicate, said to have the Stand
ard behind it, was trying to take
over all the holdings at $3.50 a
Share, SO that the engraved Ger
tificates which Bill had stuffed in
his inside Coat Pocket represented
an immediate and certain Value of
$184, 900.
To get Profit of $183, 975 in one
Afternoon, WITHOUT any Investment
whatever, is almost like some of
the stories from Florida.
Bill was seated in a Private Par
lor at the Hotel that Evening while
the two Bankers and the Editor and
other Prominent Citizens cringed
and fawned upon him.
ENTER-THE FORGIVING
RELATIVES
Bill enjoyed the Experience Of
being a Hero and friendly with the
Chief of Police for just One Day,
and then they began to pile in on
him. Meaning of course, the Rela-
tives. They had driven him out in
to the Snow and put the Presbyte-
rian curse on him, but as soon as
they heard that he had connected
up with a Carload of Kale each
of them felt himself engulfed by
great Wave of Pity for the Prod
igal.
Uncle Otis was the first to show
up. He was a hard-faced Deacon
from the Hill Country and it was
his Idea to take entire Charge of
Bills Bank Roll and protect him
from the Sharks and Sharpers on
his trail.
The next to register was the I'M
married Sister who wore flat Shoes
and did not believe in bobbing the
Hair. She came on to keep House
for Bill.
Along came Cousin Jarvis who
wanted to have a private chat re-
garding the Mortgage on the Farm
and Loan which would enable him
to buy two more Farms, to be mort
gagged later on.
Next day there appeared two
bright-faced CHEEKY Lads with
gummy Hair and Sarazen Sweat
ers who treated their Uncle Will
liam almost as an Equal. They had
just escaped from High School and
knew how TO dance and did not feel
like going TO work at the Implement
Factory. so they wondered il their
rich Relative wouldn't like to send
the two OF them through Yale uni
versity.
Bill could not place the Married
Couple from Iowa, but they charted
the family Tree and he learned that
the Woman had been legally adopt
ed by Ezra Hornbaker, who was a
Second Cousin by Marriage. All
they wanted was enough for an Or
ange Grove and Bungalow at Riv-
erside, Calf.
Just one Week after it happened
all the Beds in the Big House were
occupied and that was the Night
during which Bill did his first real
Labor in years. He put in several
Hours dropping heavy Slugs of Lead
down the Main Pipe of the BalIyhoo
Oil Well. In the morning the Flow
had ceased. The Stock was quoted
at Nothing Flat All you could see.
looking In any Direction, was Rela-
tives going to Trains. Bill took off
his White Shirt and escaped through
the Alley
Just a couple OF days later he
was entering the Town Of Winter
green when he saw a Printed Card
lying in the Road. He was about
to pick II up and then he remeno-
bered and desisted He was afraid
IL might be a Lottery Ticket.
MORAL: Don't you think they
don't think Of you just because they
don't write.