Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1936-04-09

discovery Is made that &A
strangers background ,-,,. . -.
is not Teutonic, the
family name being Glnsberg. Celebra.
ton called off; flags furled, bands
sneak home, special train Cancelled.
b~urgomaster has apoplexy.
And next day the local paper comes
out with scathlng article under the
headline. Jew Attacks Defenseless
Lion"
Criminal Lawyers.
WERE a funny people. Did we read
W where, In some far-Onf country,
men who had access to ZOOS picked
the locks on the cages and freed the
man-eating tigers and the blood
thirstlest wolves and the deadliest
poison snakes 10 go forth and kill
again. we'd marvel at a land which
endured such Z thing.
But when In our own land criminal
lawyers tr~uthfully boast that, Of all
the individuals charged with DELHI
crate murder whom they have defend
ed, no single one wei went to moose
or chair, and that ever 80 many more
were, By their skill, saved from the
prisons where we are supposed to pen
our human tigers and wolves and
snakes, we give these geniuses our ad-
mlratlon and much free advertising,
and young lawyers crave to follow In
their illustrious footprints.
We are indeed a funny people-so
funny It's hard to decide whether we
should laugh at ourselves-or weep.
Husbands and Wives.
T OTIS Of matrimony In the news.
- now that marriage, instead of be-
Ing a contract. is a ninety-day option.
A Pittsburgh gentleman gets fined
for dunking his lady's face In a SIM
mering beef stew. That's no way to
treat a lady. Or a beef stew. Take
the average lady, and would you care
for a beef stew favored with llpstiek,
eyebrow pencil, mascara, cold cream,
hair dye and three kinds Of paint?
A gentleman who's president Of the
take a ceep breath-American Crea-
tive League OF Harmony and Music
Students, declares II il-suited couples
learn the guitar happiness would re-
turn, the guitar, he states, being the
most romantic instrument there is.
But once, In vaudeville, l saw a
peevish helpmate crown friend hus-
band with an inlaid guitar, and 1t
didn't seem TO do him any real good.
Slowing Up Youth.
OBVIOUSLY It's too late to save the
- confirmed speed maniacs ameng
the adult population. They won't be
with us long. anyhow, and will be
missed by but few, II any. Every time
one Of these madmen whizzes past.
ind myself saying to the back Of his
neck. "Well, brother, glad to have this
glimpse at you. Probably I'll not be
seeing you again unless l should drop
In at the morgue the day you arrive"
But maybe we might help to insure
the oncoming generations by inaugu-
rating q definite course Of juvenile ed
ucation. Let's start with the babies;
let's make 1t q fixed and required ritual
In every kindergarten. every public or
private parochial scho0l-yes, every
Sunday school, every Boy Scout camp
and at every girls campfire; every
place where youngsters are gathered.
over and over again, let's pound It into
them that reckless driving is neither
gallant nor smart nor sporting. but
that 1t Is stupid and criminal and
vicious and murderous.
Desolatlon Of Floods.
THE first time we went to Venice
L my wife looked across the Grand
canal and said:
"Did you ever see anything like it?"
hhus pJihS " NC iuiuy, 1 SdiQ. AL
solutely, looks just like South Third
street did during the big rise Of 1913.
If right now a fellow In a skif should
come rowing up to this window to col
lect the water-rent, I'd swear | was
back home"
That seemed a sorry joke as | e
of a monstrous yellow torrent sweep
ing down on the beleaguered lowlands
where my people have lived for nearly
a century and a half. bringing ruin on
its crest and desolation In Its wake.
Surely nature has been pitiless this
last year-drouths and duststorms;
forest fires and smokepalls; billiards.
and %icepacks; and now these cruel
floods. Still. amid the affections. one
consoling thought CLEANS like a star:
congress will adjourn pretty soon.
IRWIN S. COBB.
CopyrIght.-WNU sef,. cu