The Washington times., 1936-03-03

AS the nine justices took their
announcer explained that this
ers were so distinguished that
might appear as amateurs
The name of this number" the
announcer explained, lis Alice and
Eleanor or These Little Girls
Make Big Money"
The performers were the two
distinguished columnistS, Eleanor
Roosevelt and Alice Roosevelt
Longworth.
The Supreme Court ruled. as
one man, Rank amateurs! Bring
'em on"
There followed a scene IN which
a tall lady in riding clothes, bear
ing a knitting bag, sat at desk
next to which was a tea table,
poured tea, knitted. and wrote.
The sign at her desk read: "Roose-
velt, E."
At another table, labeled "Roose-
welt, A." a lady with huge hand
bag and lot of cigarettes and
newspapers, smoked. read news
papers, wrote and Strode up and
down. They finished their col
umns simultaneously. Two dis
traught editors next appeared.
One, tearing his hair, read a
tender, domestic little piece about
a lovely teatime around roaring
fire, with Harry Hopkins reading
fairy tales and Rex Tugwell piling
logs on the Red flames.
Perturbed Editors
That, screamed the maddened
editor, appeared in hundreds of
newspapers under the name of
Alice Roosevelt LongWorth!
The other editor, equally dis
mayed, found that under Eleanor
Roosevelt's name there had ap-
peared q column about the New
Deal perishing of potato diet,
and being on the verge of being
Borahed to death. The copy boy
was to blame, for he had put
Eleanor's syrup on Alice's desk,
and Alice's vinegar on Eleanor's
desk"
Just here the Supreme Court
unanimously and loudly sounded
its gongS.
A Washington social climber
was introduced with fear and
trembling by the announcer.
"Your Honors," declared this i'm
passioned actress, you may throw
out AAA, IVA, NRA and the
Guffey coal bill, but what would
Washington do if you declared
social climbers unconstitutional"
"Decision deferred" said the Chief
Justice, after considerable dellb-
Grafton.
The Supreme Court sat in stony
faced silence when the announcer
timidly suggested that politics
never, never had found its way
into that august presence, intro
ducing a Training Camp for
1886 candidates"
Training Camp
In the candidates ira ainin G
camp, the Democratic Donkey
and Republican Elephant were
observed putting in their last licks
before beginning their campaign.
Asked about their roadwork, the
Donkey said the Liberty League
hadn't caught up with him and
the Elephant said he was still
two jumps ahead of Herbert
Hoover. But when DR.. Townsend
was called in to give them a final
weighing in. they took to their
heels and ran.
The first feminine filibuster in
the Senate was portrayed, after
Washington's gossip columns we're
satirized in parody on THE
Music Goes Round and Round" ."
Senator Rose Long read from a
book giving instructions in knit
ting, while Senator Hattie Cara
way worked a crossword puzzle
and a Senate page brought the fill
ibuSterer hot coffee and other re-
freshments. The gongs brought
the filibuster to an end.
Mrs. Democratic and Mrs. Re
publican went shopping, Mrs. Re
publican a forlorn and shabby
little person and Mrs. Democratic
large and blatant. Mrs. Repub-
lican looked and longed for an
ermine coat and an evening dress,
but said she couldn't buy them be-
cause she hadn't any money. Mrs.
Democratic bought everything in
sight. But how do you pay for
them, dear. on your budget?"
asked Mrs. Republican. PAY for
them? I just charge them," Mrs.
Democratic replied. airily.
First Lady Test
Then came a test for prospective
first ladies, taking off the diff
culties which will be encountered
by Mrs. Roosevelt's immediate sue
cessor. A solemn delegation ap-
peared before a masked lady, to
inform her that her husband had