davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
Capital Capers
by GEORGE ABEL

a MERICANS who think the British have no
l n sense Of humor may alter their opinion
after reading of a manifestation of English
drollery which has just reached Washington
Gene Dooman CHS full name is Eugene
Hoffman Dooman) the State Departments ex-
pert on japanese affairs, has returned with
MISUNDERSTANDING Norman Davis from
London.
A few days before Christmas, Gene was at
tending conference in the British capital.
Prime Minister Ramsay Macdonald, who pre-
sided, turned to the delegates and said, smiling:
Gentlemen, fear that those of you who are
married and whose wives are not with you here
in London will have to make good many ex-
plantations when Christmas comes and you will
be absent from your homes. 1 feel that the
British government and myself are responsible
for this state of affairs, and if do anything
to help, let me know
Whereupon, one of the delegates said:
"a few lines from you, Mr.. Prime Minister,
would ease the situation"
Ramsay smiled more broadly, said nothing
Next day message was delivered to Gene from
the prime minister's residence at 10 Downing st.
Here is the communication, as just delivered
to Mrs. Dooman:
Personal and highly confidential.
To Those Only Whom 1t Concerns.
This is to certify that responsibility for the
absence from his hearth and native land on
Christmas Day of
lies solely upon His Britannia MajestyS Govern
ment in the United Kingdom and Northern Ire
land and that all explanations within the COM
pass of this admission may safely be accepted.
(Signed ]. RAMSAY MACDONALD.
goth Dec, 1884.
CENIAL Gene Dooman, incidentally, is de-
" lighted to be back in Washington.
"Glad to be out of hotels" he remarked as
he lunched at the Hotel Carlton.
Awful fogs in London he added gazing out
of the window at the blanket of fog that covered
Washington.
TINE meeting between Secretary of State
l. Cordell Hull and his old friend, Ambassa-
or-at-large Norman Davis, was curious.
Secretary Hull was chatting with a friend in
the lobby of the Carlton when he saw Norman
Davis hustle in, followed by porter and much
luggage. Norman failed to see Hull went up to
the desk and began to register his name.
AS he stood there, playful Mr.. Hull crept up
behind him. waited until he had finished writ
ing then clapped him on the shoulder.
Welcome home, Norman" he doomed.
The mbassador-at-large whirled about,
caught his old pal in : firm fond embrace. 1t
was a reunion of two playmates after long
separation. Both men stood humping each
other and laughing for several minutes. Then,
arm-in-arm they walked out for lengthy chat
about the old and the new days.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17

and others, where Communists are
not disfranchised, rather than to
the miserable medieval Fascist ma
tons of the first group.
AS a Communist ex-service
man not a member of the Ameri-
can Legion, it seems to me that the
Legion would try to live down its
dark record gained in some sections
as strike breakers and vigilantes
and not try to enhance its reputa-
ton as reactionaries.
AS matter of fact, I do not be-
lieve the leadership of the American
Legion expresses the voice of its
rank and file any more than is true
of the A. F. of L.
We know the leaders are not
elected by the membership at large
After all, most of the members Of
the Legion are poor and middle
class farmers, workers of various
types and small business men, the
overwhelming majority of whom re-
ceive only pitifully small wages and
incomes so why would they want to
be led in their organization by cor
poration lawyers, bankers and man
ufacturerS?
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
Needs of Neat Two Years

in the future? Or, instead, try to
help ourselves. We should con-
graduate ourselves that our fore
fathers had the faith, and enough
courage to accomplish their task,
and pass it on to their descend
ants, and to be grateful for the
privilege to carry on this task.
They learned to help themselves
and found time to help others.
That is what we shall have to do.
Not at any time in the worlds
history is common sense more
necessary than at present. It is
going to take mental, as well as
physical effort to emerge from this
situation. We shouldn't be enviouS
of those more fortunate than we
are, nor should we pity ourselves
for our own plight. Let us stop
wandering along blind alleys, and
do a little serious thinking. Adj
NIT that a good setback is a good
lesson, and do not turn aside with
Indifference as we have in the
past. Use some of our own in
telligence instead of listening to
those who try to make you be-
lieve they can show you the way
to renew the golden age.
Let us beware of sudden unrea-
soning enthusiaSmS in the future.
Those who have carefully observed
the circumstances of the past have
surely learned a lesson. Let's do
some intelligent reasoning and our
own thinking between now and
1898.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17

BY H. c. NJ.
The trouble with most of us
since the World War is that we
experienced too much of a good
thing in too short time. Most
of us, would have been far better
off if we hadn't known so many
luxuries existed.
We should have realized that it
was a false period we we're going
through and prepared for its end,
but instead, we were living for the
moment. We were an easy prey
for those of exaggerated enthusi-
asm who were leading us to be-
lieve we would have prosperity for
all time. What they really we're
doing was building up a political
machine for themselves, to hold
on to their Jobs, with those fabu-
lous salaries. We seemed con-
tented to go along letting the
country take care of itself, not
caring much what happened.
Some Of us didn't even take
time to vote, and those who did
used very little judgment about
voting. Then came the day of
the rude awakening" We start
ed to criticise and condemn every
body and everything-the same as
we are doing today, not giving
any serious thought as to whether
or not we might be partly to
blame.
Now, what are we going to do
these next two years, sit around
and talk about what is to happen
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
ORGANIZED SUPERSTITION
FADING BEFORE EDUCATION

BY Cato.
A prominent Chicago clergyman,
inspired by w. r. Hearst, is the au-
thor of this typically clerical non
sense: 1.-THE average college profess
sor is an atheist who has no respect
for parental, civil or ecclesiastical
authority"
Had this cleric known the his
torical attitude of those charged
with atheism, he would have omit
ted this bit. During the last seven
teen centuries, empty heads have
yelled atheism at those who have
done the worlds useful work. We
have gone far in achieving human
welfare since it was orthodox to be-
lieve that volcanoes were the CHM
neys of hell in which atheists,
heretics and pagans were con-
demned to eternal torture.
Formerly the universe was con-
ceived in terms of a three-story
building. Hell was on the first floor,
saints and sinners on the second
and ghosts on the third; the entire
fabric including the earth with
-four corners" and the stars also"
was created in six days out of moth
ing. To doubt this Babylonian myth
was atheism.
When Calico taught that the
earth had "diurnal motion Of ro-
tation," he was informed that his
doctrine was "heretical, erroneous
as to faith and contrary to Holy
Scripture" and admoniShed not ito
hold, teach or defend the con-
demned doctrine"
Physicians, biologists and biolo-
gists have each in their turn been
denounced as atheists. The ply
sician because he began to doubt
the validity of exorciSm and to rely
on verif1able methods; the geologiSt
because his advocacy of natures
orderly processes destroyed the leg
ends of Genesis; the biologist be-
cause he traced proud mans an
ceStry to a lower order of animals.
To deny the power of witches
was atheism. Luther, Wesley, and
my own patron saint, John Calvin,
were believers in witchcraft. Wes-
ley said that to deny the power of
witches is to deny the truth of the
Bible, for it is written, Suffer not
a witch to live"
When it is recalled that during a
period of many centuries, this in
junction melted legions of holy
fanatics to murder, burn, and tor
ture tens of thousands of innocent
victims, we should be profoundly
grateful for the increase in the
power of Secular education and the
corresponding decline in the power
of organized superstition.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
AMERICA SETS EXAMPLE

THE I'm Alone case seems to be settled,
L finally and forever. Maybe you'd forgotten
all about it. II so, that's the significant thing
about the whole business.
It was almost six years ago. during pro-
hibition, that two United States Coast Guard
cutters opened fire on the Canadian schooner
I'm Alone in the Gulf Of Mexico. They sank
her. One Of her crew drowned. Two we're
saved and put In irons.
Stop a moment and think what might have
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
BRAVERY

BY POLLY LOIS NORTON
The truly brave is he who once was
rich,
Who from vast wealth or easy cir
cumStance
Now has descended to the red clay
of the ditch
To earn his loaf and patches for his
pants,
Yet who can smile and tell a joke,
and some
How half enjoy his task of slavery,
Express his thanks to God for every
crumb
OF Joy. Yes, that Is really hraYeryl
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
RANK AND FILE IN
LEGION FORGOTTEN, HE SAYS

BY S. S.
Well, will wonders never cease?
The boys of the American Legion
who went to the World War to
make the world safe for de-
mocracy" now want to suppress
that democracy they thought they
were fighting for.
We learn from the daily press
that man with the name Of
Chaillaux, director of the Ameri-
canism Commission of the American
Legion, proposes to submit to the
legislatures of AZ states bill which,
if enacted into law, would dis
franchise the Communist.
Would this gentleman with the
name of Chaillaux have us follow
the footsteps of Hitler? In Fascist
Germany, the Communists are dis
franchised and the same is true of
the dark and backward nations of
Italy, Poland, Austria, Hungary and
Japan.
1t seems reasonable, however, to
suppose that most Americans would
prefer to look for enlightenment to
those countries which, at least, PRO-
fess democracy such as England,
France, Switzerland, Holland, Bel
GUM. Sweden. Australia. Canada
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
BRISBANE SCORED FOR
TOWNSEND PLAN ATTACK

By n. Hiatt. Anderson.
The meaning of old age is you
have passed the age or the Pc
Rod Of usefulness and can no longer
meet the demands of this life-the
life, God in His infinite mercy gave
US to work during our working days,
but when those days are over, we
are to be thrown into the scrap heap
or saivaged. No, it was not in
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17

TT takes big man to admit his own flaws.
l. Gov. McNutt has, we think, proved himself
to be such man by his vigorous action in re-
forming practices in his own Purchasing De-
partment.
Every one is familiar with the fair-weather
political sailor, the individual who says IF
you find anything wrong in my administration
I'll clean it up" and then willis under the heat
of impartial criticism.
Fortunately, the chief executive Of Indiana
does not belong in that class.
Last summer The indianapolis Times re-
ceived some mighty disquieting information
about state purchasing-always a splendid
culture medium for official thieving.
Although we have Endorsed the McNutt adj
ministration, this newspaper has also been the
first to criticise its mistakes. As an independ-
ent newspaper we felt it was our duty to check
up os the Purchasing Department, regardless
Of where our investigation led u.s.
After some preliminary noSing about it was
necessary for Times reporters to have free and
complete access to the Purchasing Department
records. Under the law they could have been
denied access to these files
So The Times went directly to Gov. McNutt
who Immediately threw everything in the State
House open to our investigators. He said that
he believed in the integrity of his subordinates
and in the efficiency of the department
LIE was right on the first point-although
IL we suspected differently last summer He
was wrong on the second and his executive
order of today is an honest admission of his
error.
But even though he was mistaken about
the Purchasing Departments efficiency, Times
reporters discovered that, for all its weak spots,
it had been far more beneficial to the tax
payer than the old system of buying state sup
plies.
1t does not take much of memory to recall
the shocking waste under both Republican and
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17

happened if the I'm Alone had been a Russian
fishing schooner and the Coast Guard ship a
japanese destroyer. Or if the encounter had
taken place in the Adriatic between a Yugo-
slav merchantmen and an Italian cruiser
There would have been immediate sword
rafting and diplomatic passages, uItimatums,
and probably a world crisis And war would
have lowered menacingly in the background.
But no one mentioned, or even thought of
war when the Coast Guard sank the I'm Alone.
The affair was considered on both sides in a
light rejecting its importance, which was
really small. Canadians were not up on their
hind legs screaming about their national hon.
or" Americans were not breaking out with
the flag and demanding pledges that Canada
use all her resources to enforce American pro-
hibtion.
For the feeling that runs across the long
undefended border between the United States
and Canada is cordial and friendly one So
here was regrettahle incident which ought to
be discussed in friendly fashion and adjusted
as fairly as possible.
1t has taken six years to settle the affair.
ANOW d 44l4dl SEEMS Cnle1
Justice Duff of Canada and Justice Van De-
vanter of the United States Supreme Court.
have examined all the evidence, and recon-
mend that the United States apologize to Can
ada and pay $4,000 in damages TO members of
the crew and their dependents.
There seems no reason why our government
should not Immediately accept these findings,
and make good on the affair with willing good
grace.
When genuinely friendly feeling exists
between two countries, there is little trouble in
adjusting satisfactorily almost any dispute.
When there is no such feeling, no machinery
can guarantee peaceful settlement.
Both countries should be happy in condi-
ton that permits such settlement of vexing
cases like that of the I'm Alone
Unfortunately in jealous and bitter world,
we're practically alone.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
SUGGESTS PENSION PROPOSAL
AID YOUNG AND OLD

By Bob Carpenter.
VIII you kindly explain the de-
tails of the Townsend plan in your
paper?
Does this plan provide for those
fellows who try to ridicule me when
they jeer, Nobody works at night
or any time as far as that goes ex-
cept a slave" Will I have to do
nate per cent to support these
droneS?
Does this plan encourage the
support of those loafers on t he
Court House lawn and surrounding
neighborhood5 who live day by day
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
Daily Thought

Stolen waters are sweet and bread
eaten in secret is pleasant.-Pro-
verbs, TX, II.
THE world is governed only by
l. self interest. Schiller.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17

in streamlines. and then divert their interest
to dotted lines.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17

on the dimes obtained through lies
to higher class citizens for food and
clothing and really spent on booze?
What do you say, let's just cut the
amount and the age in half and
make it 500 for every one over 80, or
better still, S75 for every one over
81? That would be just enough to
live on and would sure be a great
help to young mothers and dads
who can not possibly benefit by the
plan for 80 to 40 years yet and
would help pay milk bills for the
babies people over TO don't have.
Thanks.
Westbr0Ok Pegler has outlined
details of The plan at various times
recently and The indianapolis
Times has printed the plan con-
tents several times.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-01-17
The Message Center

(Times readers are inUited to cypress
their Utetos in these columns. Make your
letters short, so all cat. haze chance.
Limit them to ESQ t0ords or less.)
The times-news. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1927-current, 1935-07-22
LET'S KILL SOMEBODY

There is that taxicab driver who overcharged us
when we were in no position to argue the point;
there is the man who tells stories have heard d
hundred times, and laughs uproariously at their
conclusion; there is that hearty chap who slaps
people on the back and jolts their brdgework lose;
there is that iron-handed fellow who laughs as he
brushes your hand in his greeting. Let's kill one
of them.
There are a lot of people who need killing IN
this world, and it is not particularly dangerous
thing to do in these United States. There isn't
much chance of getting electrocuted for it.
If we commit murder, the chances are three
to one that we will never be arrested. If we get
arrested, it is twelve to we will never be con-
victed, if have shyster member of the bar To
defend US. Even if a verdict of guilty is brought
in it is hundred to one against our ever being
eectrocuted, so after ALL there is not much danger
in committing nice messy murder. Small wonder
you can hire it done for hundred dollars or so.
You don't like the idea? You don't like to have
such conditions prevail? What can you do about
it? No less authority than Judge W. W. Wood OF
the Circuit Court Ontario, Oregon, is responsible
for the preceding figures and he says that the best
thing you can do to remedy this condition is to stop
lying to get off juries! He says call to Jury duty
is as much call to the coors as call to war. We
are being swept by crime wave the like of which
the world has never known, yet you and are dods-
ing jury duty and going about our petty affairs, not
realizing that may be the victim of the next
holdup, the next kidnapping, the next extortion
racket
1t is we'll enough to theorize and lament condi-
tions, but when you dodge your own duty jury
man. you have definitely aligned yourself on the
side of those who more for selfish affairs than
for the general good-Kiwanis Magazine.
The times-news. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1927-current, 1935-07-22
JACOBS PENS
LIFESTORY OF
CAPT. SMYTH
Textile Magnate Termed
Pioneer in Field of HUI
man Emotions

CLINTON, July 22.-Thc lib
rary Of Presbyterian college has
received an unusual volume
which possesses a unique back
ground. The author is William
Plumer Jacobs, acting president
of the college and the grandson
and namesake of the founder of
the college, the Rev. William
Plumer Jacobs, DID,, LID. 1t
is the second volume by this au-
thor presented to the Presby-
terrain college, his alma mater.
The title of the book is "The
Pioneer" and it is dedicated to
the life of the authors grand
father, whom he designateS as a
great pioneer in the field of hu-
man emotions. The book eXtols
the valuable contributions of the
south's textile pioneers and is
woven around the life Of that
great industrial pioneer, Captain
Ellison Adger Smyth,,
Captain Smyth, whose life is
the basis of the story, Is himself
Presbyterian and one of Pres
byterian colleges most honorcd
benefactors. In 1924 Captain
Smyth received from Presbyter-
ian college the honorary degree
of Doctor of Literature. He con-
tributed literally toward the mag
nificent "Smyth Hall'' dormitory,
one of the most modern build
ings of its kind in the south. Per-
haps the greatest service render
ed by Captain Smyth to Prcsby-
terrain college, however, has not
been measured by financial sup
port. 1t is found in his prcscn-
tation to the college library of
his large and valuable collection
of rare books and papers on
South Carolina.
This collection of Carolina
material required a lifelong
search and represents one of the
outstanding collections Of its
kind in existence today. 1t is to
this interesting department that
The times-news. [volume] (Hendersonville, N.C.) 1927-current, 1935-07-22
NEWSPAPERS OPINION
asso. 900 PUBLIC OFFICE HOLDERS

That Is the total number in the United States.
Cartsrct county has small slice of them, North
Carolina a larger number That is another reason
or perhaps the principal one why present day taxi
ton makes a piker of the Boston Tea Party. And
many people are saving the New Deal" is begin
ming to take on the appearance of Raw Deal
for many
While the Beaufort News takes no stand poit-
caIly we are trying to run paper For The People,
for our people, our readers. Because we think it
is food for thought reprinting an editorial
clipped from Hearst's Baltimore News and Post. 1t
follows:
while the New Deal is rebuilding the world,
more nearly in accordance with its hearts desire
it might do something about simplifying our Amer
can kind of government, and making it less expen-
sive.
President Roosevelt will be interested in some
figures that his friend Professor Moley, prints III
the weekly newspaper Today that Professor Moley
edits for Vincent Astor and w. Averell Hartman
"There are in this country one hundred and sew
enty-five thousand different governments-clty,
township district county, state and federal gov
ernments. They all reach for the money produced
by those that work. They even try to take money
from each other, as when New York State endeaV-
ored to put tax of Is per cent, on the income tax
that its citizens pay to the national government
''The 175, 900 different governments in the Unit
ed States employ, at the taxpayers expense, three
million two hundred and fifty thousand different
office holders, whose salaries amount to four thou
sand, five hundred million dollars very year.
'sWhat chance have the taxpayers, what chance
has industry, to develop employment and prosperity
when you have 3,250O00 office holders wondering
where they can get taxes to put in their poe
kets? They already absorb each year in salaries at
least rs per cent wasted the gigantic sum of 3d.
500, 000, 600 year.
"That amount of wasted money would build 4
Panama Canal more than ten times every year,
Beaufort News.