The producers news. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1918-1937, 1935-10-25
The LOW-DOWn On War
By ADAM COALDIGGER

Now that war is pounding at the gates
and there is strong possibility that before
long it will be unhealthy to refer to war
in anything but laudatOry terms, let me
give you the low-down on the browning I'M
becility of this imbecilic world, and its bud
nv, the strange delusion called patriotism.
To start WITH there are two kinds of
war. honest and dishonest. All the wars
of Antiquity and the Middle Ages were
honest wars. When the ISraelites got
laundering for the land of Canaan, they
first asked themselves, "Will the enterprise
pay?' Then they sent spies into Canaan
to make sure it would. When the spies
returned with tales of grapes as big as
watermelons and rivers flowing with milk
and honey, they walked in, slew the Can
aanites, hip and thigh, and declared them
selves the legitimate heirs.
When the noble Romans were short Of
hoe hands on their plantations, they sent
their legions into Gaul, Germany and Brit
tany to fetch more.
When king of yore felt an itching for
the real estate of a neighbour he called his
retainers together and went after it with
halberd, spiked club, and butcher knife. If
luck was with him, he made away with the
vanquished acres, improvements and live
stock, such as oxen, horses, goats and serfS.
bad, but there can be no profit without
risk.
For many centuries war was the bust
ness of specialists called knights. The rea-
son why they called themselves noble is
because they only worked on horseback
where they were hard to reach, and if
reached, were so covered by sheet iron that
the worst that could happen was dent in
their tenders.
When two knights had maltreated each
others hardware until one of them ran out
of wind, the winded one was declared van
pushed and held for ransom by the vic
tor. Thereupon, word would be sent to his
friends and relatives to bail him out or
! know the reason why. Killing knights was
! poor business, which explains that after
/ centuries of knightly warfare, descendants
! of these noble warriors are still littering
up the earth.
War in them good old days was good
honest business. Your opponent had some
thing you wanted and when you got your
man, you got what he had. There was nc
talk about national prestige, insult to flag
or making the world safe for democracy
etc. This was so because the count who
owned the county, or the king who owned
the country, owned the people, too, so there
was no need of fooling people who had no
thing to say nOhow.
Well, the kings, knights, store raiders
and robber barOns no longer own, and con
sequently rule, the earth. Their place ha,
been taken by sO-called capitalists, who arr
| just like you and l. Now, all men are equa
before the law. The capitalists select tn
people who make the law and enforce tn
law while you and | obey the law. Outsid
5 of this and the minor fact that these peopl
} own all the things without which the res
OF us must die or crOak, there is no dit
ference between the citizens of democracies
such as ours, for instance. In othor words
there are no ruling classes in democracies
There are only folks who own all and con-
mand, and folks who own nothing and obey
But as there is nothing perfect in thi
$ imperfect world, democracy created ne'
problems. One of them is how to max
Y people who own nothing fight for somethin
: they haven't got and won't get if they wiz
t and that's where patriotism comes in.
Patriotism is the art of inducing peopl
: who own nothing at home to fight for tn
other fellows interests abroad.
f For Illustration, let's say a party whol
you have never met and wouldn't get
chance to chum with on a bet, owns a Strir