Evening star., 1935-04-14

r1eeyIIl! !ee:
turned loose the Philippines, ordered
feet maneuvers in the Pacific, in
creased our standing Army rs per
cent and laid the keels of 10 new
cruisers. The Government will take
over the munitions business and I've
got a clever model of an aerial tor
pedo for the White House mantel-
piece.
(Signed)
FRANKLIN D. ROOSEVELT
l. Lobbyist Dictates.
The traditional Washington lobbyist
was satirized After a chase from the
Capitol to his Office, in which he
barely bested Chairman Rayburn of
the House Interstate Commerce Com
mittee. the lobbyist dictated a letter
to his stenographer. 1t was ad-
| dressed to Adam Sap. chairman of
the board of the American Umbrella
Members Association. He reported
that he had just made great prog
ress with Representative Rayburn,
who had just left his Office.
When his stenographer told him
that Senator Norris had threatened
| to break his neck the next time they
met, the lobbyist dictated the follow
| ing sentence:
You will be pleased to know that
Senator Norris is getting warm and
I can look for action the next time
I see him
| In a Pied Piper musical skit, the
Burgomaster informed the guests that
the country was under a plague.
I'VE are gathered tonight" the
Burgomaster said, Ito free ourselves
from the truculent therapeutics of
Aesculapian idiots. from the doleful
dietetics of disaster, from the pre-
carious paregoric of preachers of
| pediculous prescriptions, from the
cataleptic ipecac of chiropractic
economists, and from the quasi
scientific sassafras of self-seeking
saps. To wit and to witness-Dr.
Long. Senator Coughlin and Father
Townsend"
| While the chorus sang THE Rats
| Have Come to Town" three char
acters appeared on the stage. The
Burgomaster inquired of the first if
his name was Long.
| Yes, sir. l am the head rodent
around here. These others are just
amateur cheese chasers. want rich
cheese-the Rockefeller rouquefort,
that Couzens camembert, that Gug-
genheim gorgonzola, and when I get
it. I'll wrap it UP in small bundles
and pass it around"
Fingerprints Inspire Song.
$50 yours are the fingerprints that
are found in all our best pantries," a
burgher observed. What cute little
| rat he is, after ALL
This prompted soloist and chorus
to sing Tiny Little Fngerprints."
Tiny little fingerprints are all around
the house.
Fingerprints of Moscow and of Rome;
Tiny little mischief maker, busy as a
mouse,
But still he sings of Home, Sweet
Home"
Tiny little fingerprints upon the
White House pane,
On the door and more upon the
| chair,
What's the good of scolding when 1t
seems to be in vain,
For we can always find them there.
Senator Coughlin refused to make
a speech because no microphone was
present, but Father Townsend PROM
ised that each person on reaching
the age of so would be given $500 a
| month, pilots license and a pair
of polo ponies.
IF arteriosclerosis is present" he
added, "a record of Revals 'Bolero
and rfnlmba teacher will be thrown
! in"
Piper Pipes Optimism.
The Pied Piper of the Potomac ar
rived on the scene playing Happy
Days are Here Again" 1t had no ef-
feet on the rats. A burgher remarked
that if he could believe in miracles
he would believe in the piper, since
the piper had put the country in
debt to the tune of $4,000, 100000.
This caused a soloist to burst forth
with II Believe in Miracles"
I believe in miracles,
Strange as it may be;
No wonder I'm hysterical,
At his exploits numerical,
Since 49,
He can work a miracle
| Right before your eyes;
At sight of him seem to see
Houdini walk right up to me.
From out the skies.
Some magical power
Makes us believe in his skill,
In one radio hour
He can convince us, but who pays
the bill?
Oh! I believe in miracles,
Yes, indeed, do!
Well watch him do his famous
tricks
Again in 1896,
| Like '32.
The piper tried several tunes in
vain to entice the children and the
rats. Long asked all children who
wanted to share the wealth to raise
their left hands. All hands went up.
With this assurance he sang Louis
lana Hay-ride" and called the roll.
Get goin', Louisiana hay-ridel
Get goin', we all is ready!
Start sumpin', Louisiana hay-ride!
No use fo' calm de roll.
Oh, we'll have such sport,
Ev'y man a king!
| doesn't mean a thing, oh! oh)
Fo' de time is short;
Crack yo' little whip!
Soon you'll get tip to go!
| Start sumpin', Louisiana hay-ride!
No foolin', we all Is ready!
| Get goin', Louisiana hay-ridel
No use TO- calm de rolll
The Supreme Courts decision in