The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1935-08-20
Manners and Morals
by JANE JORDAN.


daughter. The mother has no SYM
pathy nor understanding of ma
ture that is annoyed and made
irritable by confusion, contention
and noise. While the older woman
has been a wonderful mother in
many instances, the daughter has
often felt rebuffed by tight-lipped,
short answer when she tried to gain
her mothers confidence with some
little intimate discussion. The older
woman says her daughter has al
ways held her at a distance. In
other words, they never understand
nor see alike on any subject, and it
has worried them both for many
years. The immediate solution, of
course, is separation, but that is i'm
possible at present because of eco
nomic conditions. Would your read
erS be interested in the discussion
of this problem in your column?
L. w.
AnSwer-Family life is often a
problem of antagonistic co-opera-
ton and the situation is not
peculiar to the family you de-
scribe. In this case 1 imagine the
fault lies largely with the mother
whose love for the girl sounds like
an expanded form of self-lo
which can not brook any effort
at SeparateneSs on the girls part.
The stubborn insistence of the
mother on purposes inconsistent
with those of the girl is prob
ably the cause of the illness you
mention. The chances are that
she is one of those parents who
make the emancipation of their
children SO hard. Some mothers
hang on eternally, parading their
parental proves at all costs, max
ing all decisions, great or small,
themselves, striving to crafty
their own emotional needs vicari-
ously through their children.
The trouble in such cases is
that the parents sole outlet for
a sense of power lies in the rule
of children. A good hard man
agerial job would use up a great
deal of this woman's energies and
give her satisfactionS apart from
managing her children. Her hus-
bands death, no doubt, left her
with less to manage than her
capabilities demand.
In what way does the presence
OF the 14-year-old boy complicate
matters? Does the mother pre-
fer boys and was she secretly dis
appointed that her daughter
turned out to be girl? If so
this throws still more light on the
hidden cause of antagonism. Why
do you regard separation as so
impossible? Surely a woman nf
% is capable of earning her own
living and of living where she
may choose.
A psychiatrist could help either
by building the girl up to point
where she could hold her own or
by influencing the mother to find
other outlets for her aggression.
After all the girls mother is not
the only domineering person she
will meet in life and unless she
is helped she is apt to react to
every other aggressor by repeat
ing her childhood situation again
and again ad infinitum.
Dear Jane Jordan-Is it possible
Tor a boy Of II to know his own
mind. and second can a girl of 81
really be in love with a man of 40?
TOOTS.
Answer-A boy of II may know
his own mind for the moment,
but there is no guaranty that
he won't change it within 20
minutes. The chances are that a
girl of 81 puts a man of 40 in her
fathers place and transfers her
f1lial love to him. She might make
a good daughter to the older man,
but in time he might prefer a
wife.