Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1935-01-31
The Fable of Mr..
Eatn1Ore's Diet
g
BY GEORGE AIDE
Q Bell syndicata-wNu Service.


~ NEE there was q Respected
Citizen named George Eat
~ mere who should have taken
of his Hat to his Tummy.
Fer the humble pear-shaped Organ
had been through many War. The
Fact that It was not worn out, but
was still trying to stay on the Job,
proves that Nature Is more wonderful
than Art; when 1t comes to all-round
toughness the Rhinoceros runs second
to Man.
Before the stomach finally went on
strike 1t earned many Service Stripe
Through years of gormandizing and
guzzling 1t was True Pal of George,
always right there when needed and
doing its Duty cheerfully under the
most trying Circumstances.
And yet, for several Decades. Mr..
EatmOre never referred to his faith
full Gizzard except in Language of
Complaint. And he would not have
dreamed of introducing his Stomach
as a Topic Of Conversation in Polite
Society. He adhered to the Old-fash
Toned Belief that the Alimentary Canal
is entirely a private Affair.
It would be impossible to produce
Novel. Play or Movie without fea
turing the Heart The Cardiacal
Mechanism is put In the Center of the
Stage and flooded with SpOt-Lights
while the hard-working and reliable
stomach. situated only about Eight
Inches to the Southwest, is permitted
to toll at the most mental tasks in
utter Darkness, with never a word o.
Sympathy or Encouragement. The
prudes say that One who becomes too
specific regarding the old FoOd-Trap
il immodest and guilty Of a Socia!
Error.
The Lungs often receive Honorable
Mention and many a Vermiform Ap-
pendix. with little to be said for it
In the way of Looks. is carefully pre-
served In a Bottle and shown to Call.
ers, but the Stomach has been and
continues to be. as you might say. the
Step-Child Of the Human Organism.
II endures all of the Hardships and
gets most of the Blame.
For instance, take the Case of
George EatmOre. Even while he was
very Young and on the Milk, he would
often ask his Digestive Apparatus to
take on such Odds and Ends as But
tons, Pins, small Pieces Of Coal. Call
ing Cards and Lint. Soon after he
was weaned he put into the handy
Receptacle most varied Assortment.
including Green Apples. Raw Turnips.
Molasses Candy. Strawberry Pop and
all Of the dye-stuff Berries and oleagi
nous Nuts growing in the Wildwood.
Did the Craw rebel when It was
b0mbarded at all hOuEs7 On the Con
trary. 1t stood up and never was de-
void Of Pep Each Morning 1t would
look up at George and say. well. my
Hearty. what's the Program for To
day."
College Lads Learned Something.
It was while George was in High
School that he got quite Giggle one
day from reading in his Physiology
that the Stomach of Man contains
about Three Pints. Very often he had
eaten as many as two WatermelOns al
q Sitting and anyone who says that
two Watermelons are not more than
three pints has never studied Botany.
II just goes to show how little the Au
thOrities really know.
After George entered College he and
the Receiving Station took many
hard Trip together. All this happened
when Keg Parties were considered Pc
lite Functions and string Of Weenies
smothered with Mustard was called a
Light Luncheon. Lads who attended
Institutions Of Learning really learned
something.
: Between the catch as catch can Bean.
cry which specialized on dried Prunes
which had been outer-cased by the
Goodyear Company. and those jolly
Midnight Pick-ups consisting largely
Of Limburger and Rye Bread. it
seemed at times that George should
have been supplied With several Stom-
achs, the same as q Cow.
Once In a while the hard-worked
Pouch would try to augEest to George
that It was not Waste Basket. but
he seemed to think that the Proper
time to eat was between meals. When,
ever there was a complaint he would
ignore 1t and urge the patient Slave
TO keep on working overtime.
We now discover Our Hero as q
struggling Law Student. trying to live
on Nothing per Week. II was during
these Lean Days, after Dad had dis
continued the sending Of Checks. that
George seemed to regard the Dough
nut as vitamin B. He frequented the
Old-style Lunch Counter and subsisted
on so called Food which was turned
out by Foundries instead Of being
cooked. When he hoisted q Cup Of
Coffee which had been twenty.four
hours In the Urn II Is little Wonder
that the Stomach would look IN at
him In Surprise and emit q low Growl
OF Protest.
About the Time that he got a foot.
hold he married very sweet little
Apricotina who had been taking Music
Lessons and cooked accordingly.
George could have played Eighteen
Holes with one Of her Soda Biscuits
II was truly said of her that she conld