davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

importation of foreign artists
that it is hardly worth the
humiliation for a sword-swal-
lower or What-Is-It to present
himself before the immigra ton
authorities. These people have
their reticences as well as any,
one, and do not like to be stared
at or prodded with questions.
"What is your Nance"
EMO Glack."
"OccupatiOn?"
"What-Is-It."
"OccupatiOn?"
"What-Is-It."
81 said-what is your Occupa-
tion?"
"And / said, 'What-Is-It.'"
''WelI, if you don't know, I
guess nobody does. Application
denied"
You see, the difficulties are
1imitless. There comes a time
when any self-respecting freak
from the continent will not try
to get into England but will
head straight for America,
where no questions are asked
other than if you have hopes
of overthrowing the Govern
ment.
And this brings up a point
which I had not thought Of
until just this very minute, and
maybe you think it hasn't saved
my life.
Do we pay enough attention
to the political opinions of the
circus freaks that come into this
country from abroad?
Three Esthonian giants, with
Communistic leanings, could
play a good deal of three
handed havoc if the time came
for an upset. Just because mid
gets are small is no reason why
they shouldn't Smuggle in Nazi
propaganda and dispense it from
under tables and school desks.
Who would suspect an india
rubber man of subversive propa-
ganda until he got a crowd
around him and then started:
Fellow Black-ShirtS!"
Maybe that is where all Of
England's freaks are-herded to-
gether somewhere in Cornwall,
waiting for a march on London.
It would almost be worth chang
ing governments, just to see
that march. And for nothing,
too!
Copyright, 1885, by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
Articles By Robert BenChley
appear each Monday, WedneS.
day and Friday.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

81 certainly am when I find
none to announce me or no
bell to ring. Sign this receipt"
Persons Who see Chief JUS
tice Charles Exams Hughes and
the associate Justices OF the
Supreme Court only 1Uhen they
are reUieWing important cases
usually are of the opinion that
the members OF the tribunal
are stern men.
From casual inspection one
might judge that the dignitarieS
lack humOr while as .s matter
Of fact most of them are hui
mOrists of the highest degree
when off the bench and enjoy
a deep laugh.
Most humorous of all, how
ever, was the late Chief Justice
William Howard Taft.
In Capitol corridors they still
tell the story of Paul Malone,
young clerk who did not be-
lieve in practical jokes. Having
been called one morning by a
person who gave a fake name,
Paul was not in the mood for
that sort of thing.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

have impressive legal terms for
such actions. But when you get
right down to brass tacks,
aren't the great majority Of
these "heart balm" and aliena-
ton suits plain extortion?
And is there any more dig.
nifty or decency to most Of
them than there is to a COM
mon dog fight?
Plenty of Americans believe
that there isn't. And are all
for remedying the situation.
NO ILLUSIONS
In Indianapolis a woman Is
leading the way. Mrs. Robert
West Nicholson. Indiana's only
woman legislator, has no pretty
illusions about the motive be-
hind most alienation suits.
every attorney" she says,
"knows that these suits which
enable a woman to capitalize
on her own indiscretions, or
her husband to capitalize on
his wife's indiscretions, for the
most part are merely black
mail"
MOT AN ACHING HEART
BUT AN ITCHING PALM"
that's the urge behind the
legal papers, says Legislator
Nicholson.
Accordingly she has drafted
a measure that would bar ALL
alienation, breach of promise
and seduction suits, and even
forbid the name of correspond
ents in divorce proceedings
and has succeeded in obtaining
a vote Of 81 to Z in passing
the measure through the
house,!
The bill now goes to the
senate.
The New York Bar Associa-
ton has even meaner terms
for this practice. It's nothing
more nor less than the old,
"so-called badger game" say
they.
Remember how Dead-Eye
Dick and his lovely mate,
Cyanide Sal. used to frame
Charlie, the City Sucker, in
the sixth act of that heart
rending mellerdrammer, "SHE
DONE ME DIRT" or JUST
A SOCK AT TWILIGHT?"
With Dick bursting in, all
armed with summons and
blank checks, just as Charles
asking Sal what to do about
his dandruff?
Well, that, according to the
brainy gentlemen of the New
York Bar Association, is what's
behind all these so-expensive
tears.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

only because of his Intelligence
is he able to contrive means for
escaping death in ultra-cold
regions. He builds cold-proof
shelters, and takes, for warmth,
the fur and hide from the bodies
of his wild fellow creatures.
Nature gave the dumb crea.
lures cold-proof coverings, just
as she gave the early reptiles
armor and sharp spines and
spikes.
They had not the intelligence
to provide a warm covering for
themselves, nor had the reptiles
the mental equipment to pro-
vide their own defense.
The Eskimos are the out
standing example of this hui
man outwitting of Nature.
They have survived the cold
for thousands Of years, have
never known the experience
of being warm and comfort
able, as we conceive comfort.
WHO CAN SAY?
The Wild life in the polar
regions is even more amazing.
The Eskimo has intelligence;
the wild life only instinct. Yet,
through countless ages, through
unbelievably terrible winters,
this wild life has lived, and
continues to live.
The seals swim in the cold
waters under the ice; the Arctic
fox and hare, the Iemming,
caribou, moose, musk-ox, rein
deer, Eskimo dog, and many
birds hunt all winter through
the five months darkness. They
lie down and sleep in what we
would call the open with the
temperature 76 below, and bliz.
card raging. That is Nature!
Possibly living things have
developed on other worlds.
We are prone to pronounce as
Impossible the existence OF
life on a heavenly body that
is colder, warmer, or with diff
ferent atmospheric conditions
than earth. But who shall say
that, with conditions very diff
ferent indeed, life of some
kind might not still exist in
other worlds and flourish2
Articles by Mr.. Maxim ap-
pear each Monday, Wednesday
and Friday. The subject Of
the next will be Power
Through Destruction of Mat
ter"
Copyright. 1885, by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
The Freak Shortage
By Robert BenchLey

Word has come from the
British Isles england, Scotland
and IrelanO that there is a
grave shortage of freaks-cir-
Gus freaks, that is. In other
lines the production continues
about normal.
81 don't understand it," said
one large specialist in this class
Of entertainers. eve just don't
seem to be able to locate freaks
any more. They are evidently
getting self-cOnscious. Fat ladies
are reducing, bearded ladies
shaving and Egg-Degg, the
Strange Boys, go into Parlia-
ment."
Chat would correspond to our
Congress, which will make it
clearer.)
In 1929 there were 298 avail
able freaks for sideshoWs and
fairs. This year there are only
43. Il have not gore over these
figures yet, so don't make up
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

And it's time we got through
using our legal machinery for
stickup stuff like that.
But such cases protect wo-
men from wicked men," per-
haps you'll say. Help women
get a square deal"
AN INSULT
Piffle! If women are so
dumb they need such protec-
ton, they should revert to their
original status of idiots and
children-keep away from
apartments and hotel rooms
where wicked men can take
advantage of them.
And if they aren't dumb-if
they know what they are do
ing and are fit to enjoy
equality with men-then they
should be held responsible for
their acts, and have no need
of protective legislation or
cash compensation.
Copyright, 1885. by King Features
Syndicate, Inc)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

on the receiving end as has the
MIRA and other organizations
despite the fact that its exist
ence has been longer.
Jones, with his Texas man.
ner and rabbits foot charm, has
become a New Deal advocate
whose words are widely &C
cepted.
Latest of his expressions to
strengthen his position with the
Administration was:
"NO one must be allowed to
suffer for lack of Iife's neceSSi-
ties, but Self-reliance must be
encouraged and thrift rewarded.
Money must be valuable enough
to work for it, but not SO valu-
able that people cannot earn a
living working for it."
1t was said quietly but ex-
pressed an Administration view.
Around the Capitol is a burly
messenger Who belieUeS in the
theory that "all men are Gre
1ted equal"
Not so long ago he was d.
rected to go to the office of a
high Government official who
is very much impressed with
his own Importance.
The messenger walked into
the officials office and asked
for a receipt for his document.
The official demanded to
know If he was accustomed to
walking into offices unan-
nounced.
The messenger repliedk
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

ana the WILL OF congress was
carried out in the organization
of the AeronauticS Branch. Pc.
litical affiliation was diSregarded
and personal fitness and expert.
ence were the factors that de-
termined the assembling of this
new staff of experts.
The result was that when Mr..
Roper became Secretary of Com
merce in the spring of 1898, he
inherited in the aeronauticS
branch one of the best organ
lied and most highly skilled
Federal agencies then in exist
ence. In fact public confidence
in this agency was so firm and
widespread that Mr.. Roper de-
cided to move slowly in the max
ing of any changes in its per-
sonnet.
Not until a general reorgani-
cation of the department was
widely advertised did the break
up Of the aeronauticS branch be-
gin. First it was announced that
the office of Assistant Secretary
of Commerce for Aeronautics
would be abolished in the inter-
est of economy. Then came the
resignation of the then able in
cumbent, Col. Clarence Young,
who was given a public COM
mendation for his fine work.
Next came the transfer of the
aeronauticS branch to the su-
pervision of another assistant
Secretary of Commerce. pork
barrel" politician whose only
claim upon the favor of the Ad-
ministration appears to have
been that he was active in ad.
vocating the election of an unin.
structed delegation from his
State to the Chicago convention
of 1882. Having failed in his am
bition to obtain high post in
the diplomatic service. he final
ly landed an assistant secretary
ship in the Department Of Com.
merce.
OTHERS SLATED
From the date that this po-
litical incompetent took over
the supervision of the aeronau-
tics branch it's decline began.
From that date the purely pro-
fessional and technical per-
sonnet which had brought this
agency to such a high point
of efficiency were given to un-
derstand that new blood" was
needed and that those who
wished to remain had better
summon political assistance as
swiftly as possible.
The political racketeering in
this branch has continued ever
since. The dismisSals ordered
in the secret telegram of Feb
ruary 5 last are only the latest
Of a long series.
Other diSmiSSa1s are slated
and will be ordered unless an
outraged public sentiment COM
pelS the removal of all the po-
litical racketeers responsible
for the wrecking of the aero.
nautics branch, or unless the
President finds time from his
manifold and tremendous duties
in other fields to direct the
Secretary of Commerce either
to clean up the aeronautics
branch at once or to wipe it
out altogether.
Copyright, 1885, The Washington
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
$4,000 for a Stamp
Not One of Mr.. Farlev's

tiny little bit Of paper, magenta coored is worth about
$50O00 Anyhow that's what it's insured for It's not
Of MIR. Farley's, either.
It's face value is cent for it's British Guiana stamp
the only Of its kinds years and the rarest in the
world"
Mrs Arthur Hind of Utica, N Y, is selling along with
other stamps which have already brought than three
quarters of million dollars at auction
We wonder what would happen stamps and other
precious rarites if the radicals abolish the prot system
they would be sold and bought secretly for prices higher than
they get now.
Scarcity has always meant and always will high value
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

Hiram Percy Maxim low in Ant
arctica. In all probability, so
long as present celestial con-
ditions prevail, these are the
lowest temperatures to be eX'
pected on earth.
Exposure Of any part Of the
human body for go seconds at
76 below, means freezing. And
yet men do go about out Of
doors in this cold, and escape
freezing by careful attention to
clothing, especially of the feet
and face. However, no matter
what the attention to dress,
only the hardest and most Wig
orous can escape.
Even in still air, the head
must be shrouded in a deep
hood, the opening of which is
many inches in front Of the
face. In this way, the hood
amounts to a fur tube. The
air in front of the face remains
in the tube ard it's cold is tenn
pered by the face and breath.
If this air is not blown out too
often, the eyes, nose and the
few inches of exposed face
escape freezing.
DIFFICULT
The breath is the great diff
ficulty. Such a heavy load OF
clothing calls for considerable
exertion even for the simplest
undertaking, and, as one must
keep moving when it is 76 be-
low, this produces deep breath
ing, with the resulting dis
charge Of much moisture in the
breath.
Mans ancestry came from
warm chimes. He is not built
to withstand intense cold, and
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

declared that Hon. Clark Howell
the aeronautics branch should
be definitely recognized as a
purely professional and tech
nical organization, and its per-
sonnet, including division heads,
should have a high degree of
security in tenure"
EXPERTS NEEDED
In support of this finding,
which met with the whole
hearted approval of the Presi-
dent, the commission said fur
Their:
at is of manifest importance
that the provision Of Air-Navi.
CATION facilities be managed
by technically expert person.
mel, endowed with that skill in
their task which comes only
from long association with its
special problems.
'It is perhaps even more
important that the work Of
technical supervision and regu-
latiOn, whether it remains as
at present in the Department
Of Commerce or be transferred,
as we have suggested, to a
commission, should be in the
hands Of personnel Of the
greatest professional experience
and of the most utter Impair
TALLY and diSintereStedneSs."
The Commission further urged
that a full Civil Service status
be given to the aeronautics
branch and that all future va
cancies be filled by competitive
examination which would deter
mine the fitness of those apply
ing for this highly technical
service.
This recommendation merely
reiterated the purpose of the
Congress when it enacted the
Air Commerce Act of 1926 and
gave to the Secretary of Com
merce the authority and reSpon-
Sibility Of regulating and develop
ing civil aeronautics. The Con-
gress at that time recognized the
Importance Of securing the right
kind of staff to assist the Sec
rotary Of Commerce in perform
ing his duties under this new
law. It therefore allowed him
unusual administrative freedom
in the selection of the best ex.
perts available to organize and
develop a purely professional
and technical agency to encour-
age and regulate the use of air.
craft in commerce.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

prestige and
poWer-a n d
the taxpayers
m o n e Ut
aid and abet
Gyp Jobs?
Horrid ques-
tionS-but an
! ere a sing
n u m b e r of
serious citi-
ZenS are ask
ing them.
We don't,
0f course call
t h e m Gy p
Jobs. To the
-AaA~AAYv S~,4
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
WORKOUT Fire Engines.
The Danger Signal

The efficiency and ability of its officers held
the fire loss in the National Capital the lowest figures
any big city.
But the WARNING SIGNAL is up!
No fire department in these days function properly
and effectively without adequate and modern apparatus This
is true regardless of the will and of the ability men
who make up the department.
And the local department is NOT keeping its machinery
and apparatus up to the high point which enabled
tabh the envable record has compiled years.
The department using pieces apparatus
which MORE THAN FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.
That is the danger signal Frefghng experts agree that
apparatus is longer dependable efficient after fifteen
years of service Yet Washington is using pieces Of
equipment that TWENTY years old
This is a result of the FOOLISH ECONOMY wave We
call it foolish not only because of the danger which
but likewise because 1T DOES NOT SAVE MONEY.
These engine and hose wagons always breaking down.
Their repair bills tremendous
Some of them only make mile gallon gaso-
line.
We arent saving any money them but building
up highly dangerous condition.
An efficient and equipped fire department money
for every resident of the city through low insurance rate
That saving worth than the Saving that comes from
denying the Fire Department the equipment which needs
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
By T. E. Powers

your budget. They sound all
thentic, however,
This is drop of considerably
over a large per cent, and would
indicate that, not only are
British freaks getting coy but
that they are downright Sullen.
Cardiff giants and tattooed
men don't just disappear, you
know.
Mr.. Styles (for such is his
name) planes the Government.
The officials, he says, have
placed such obstacles on the
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

berta, W h e n
the tempera-
ture at Great
B e ar l. ak e
reached 76 de-
greeS b 10 w
zero, Fahren"
heit. The pre-
vious r e C ord
low was SO be-
low at Mayo,
Yukon Terri
tory, on De.
c e m Der 20,
1922 Admiral
Byrd has re.
ported 10 be-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

Perhaps it
is because he
is putting the
RFC on a
strong basis
without the
criticism di-
rect d a t
most Of the
other agen-
cies. Although
the Finance
C poration
has come in
for it's share
of castigation
it has not
naAA~ 80 ISN11Oh
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

the Congress
with his ap-
proval, dealt
W ! t h t h e
a ero nauticS
ra n h Of
t h e Depart
ment of Com
merce.
This co m
mis- S i n, of
W h ich the
Hon. CT r k
H o W ell, of
Georgia, was
t h e a Bile
c h a i r m an,
IL
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

Malone told the caller in no
uncertain terms to perform
some rather vulgar acrobatics.
The caller insisted he was
Taft.
Malone went to Taft's office,
found the Chief Justice in the
midst of a hearty chuckle.
Taft said:
young man, that's the first
time anyone has told me that"
Copyright. 1885. The Washington
Eimes)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27

Late tn a t
evening his
phone rang,
a voice ad-
wise d that
Chief Justice
T a # W a S
calling. Paul
e xplO d e d,
h u n g u p.
A 6 ain tn e
phone rang.
Again Malone
cursed a n d
hung up.
w b en- it
r a n g t n e
third time
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
In the World of Science
Man Protects Self Against Cold
By Hiram Perez Maxim

The Weather Bureaus all
time low record was reported
in a news dispatch on New
Year Dav from Edmonton. AL.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
Greatest Show On Earth
By John Snure, J.

JOvial Jesse H. Jones, chair
man of the Reconstruction Fl.
nance Corporation, is carving for
himself an unusually warm spot
in the Adminis ration heart,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
Outraged Public May
Save i. S. Aviation
BIZ James T. Williams, Jr.

One of the vital recommen-
dations Of the Federal Aviation
commission, which President
Roosevelt recently forwarded to
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
Shylock's Tactics
Depositors Again Victims

Receivers Of banks throughout the country have COL
lecd important from stockholders Of the banks with the
obvious idea Of paying off the depositos who the
VICTIMS Of the banking collapse
Now along the Reconstruction Finance Corporation
and insists that whatever funds thus collected should be
poration.
If that view is permitted to persist the bank receivership
going 90 and the bank deposio going
be further vctmized
The prevalence Of such policy will continually
DIMINISHING PROSPECT the part Of the depositors Of
ever getting their money back.
On the other hand the Reconstruction Finance Corporation
does not stand to lose the policy abandoned and the
cevers allowed to return to the deposors the money
which is being collected from the stockholders.
The corporation has AMPLE COLLATERAL for the loans
which made the closed banks In fact report is true
the corporation insisted upon than ample security before
it made the loans
Why, then should the corporation shyock and
demand the immediate payment of the loans out of money
which might logically be expected to 60 to the depoors?
taking the money in the hands of the receivers and
returning the receivers the collateral the corporation would
force the receivers dispose of the collateral the
depostors are to receive any prompt return.
This would probably the SACRIFICING of the col
lateral at lower than could be realized if the securities
could be held for a short time.
The good Of the country and the welfare of depostos
would to indicate that the receivers should allowed
pay out the cash which they have collected the dpoor
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
Listen, World
By Elsie Robinson

Broken Heart or Itching
Palm?
Should American courts be
used as Clip Joints?
Should they employ their
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1935-02-27
OLD FAVORITES
AdDice to Girl

Never love unless you
Bear with all the faults of man!
Men sometimes will jealous be,
Though but little they see,
And hang the head, discomfort,
And speak what straight they will repent.
Men, that but Saint adore
Make show of love to more;
Beauty must be scorned in none
Though but truly served in
For what is courtshp but disguise?
True hearts may have assembling eyes.
Men, when their affairs require
Must awhile themselves retire;
Sometimes hunt and sometimes hawk
And not sit and talk
If these and such-like you bear,
Then like and love, and fear!
(ReGderS invted to send to the editor their sxU-
gestions Of old favotes among the poems for reprntio
in this spGcel
The Daily Alaska empire., 1935-05-28
LAKINA IS IN
 DISTRESS OFF
 PACIFIC COAST
Another Vessel Bound for Ketchikan Also Re-
 ported Sunk

ASTORIA, Oregon, May 28.- Steamship Lakina is reported in distress 500 miles northwest of the Columbia River and the cutter Onandaga has started for the scene. The Lakina is reported out of control with a broken crank shaft
 Bellingham reports said the ship is off Vancouver Island enroute to Ketchikan and the Iroquoise is towing her to that port, expected to arrive there early Wednesday.
 The small freighter 'Sachem, en- route from Seattle to Ketchikan, tied up at Coronet Bay, in De- ception Pass, Monday and when the tide receded she listed. The craft filled with water when the tide returned A tug has been dispatched to pump the water from the ship.