The Washington times., 1935-07-25
NOW
The Adm trails
Speak Up
TAX SCHEMES
nv HELEN ESSARY

BY HELEN EO0ANA
The world at large is bullying
with Kentucky Colonies. Every
good American knows this.
But, mark my words, soon
the Nebraska Admirals will
crowd the Kentucky Colonies
back into the Blue Grass to
stay.
The seadogs from the prairies
of the Middle West are on a
rampage. In the first place,
say the Nebraska Admirals. Off
cially speaking and probably
otherwise, too, they outrank
mere colonies. Thus they are
entitled to salutes and respect
from the KentuckianS.
This, however, is a small
part of the ambitions Of the
admirals. They are becoming
socially and publicity conscious
and are staging parties that
will advertise them and their
State better than the Derby
and bourbon have advertised
Kentucky.
The other night Senator Ed
ward r. Burke, an admiral of
great influence in Nebraska,
gave a lobster dinner that
called, the attention of the
Capital tosthe charms Of Ne.
braska.
All the Nebraska Admirals
living in Washington and their
deserving friends were asked to
come. Their invitation began:
"An admiral of the Nebraska
navy-nOw living in Maine-is
sending a barrel of choice lob
sters, together with the assertion
that, after one taste, lobster will
supplant Nebraska beef at the
boards Of our better epicureS.
This question. / ask you and
other appreciate trenchermen
to decide"
The Maine admiral mentioned
In the invitation is Edward C.
Moran, jr., who represents the
Rockland (Me.) district in the
House. I'll finish the story of
the dinner with some gossip
from one of the guests.
"Mr. Moran is a friend OF
Senator Burke'S and campaigned
for him in Nebraska last year.
Burke won by 10000.
I'm his remarks at the party,
Moran said he made go speeches
for Burke and captured not less
than 1000 votes per speech.
Therefore he claims credit for
Burke's election. HOw's that!
During the course of the din
ner, a l0t0f us challenged Burke
and his two Nebraska Congress.
men friends - Charles F. Me.
Laughlin and Harry B. Coffee
to match the Maine Holsters
with q beefsteak dinner, pro
vided, Of course, the boast Of
Nebraskans, that they raise the
best beef that ever stood on
hOOf, is not all hOoey.
1--WE ut them to agree first
that the steak dinner would be
held if Congress runs three
months longer. Then, by per-
sistent chiseling, we got the time
down to one month. Maybe
we'll get the dinner and maybe
we won't.
"AnOthef thing we kidded the
NebraSkans about was the River
Platte. Moran said that while
campaigning in those parts he
found the river but there was
not a crop of water in it. The
Nebraskans told him there was
plenty of water under the mud
and sand. Representative Moran
said it was the first time he ever
saw q river upside down.
Advice to the Tax Committee
Of the House!
Take leaf out of the Eng
fish tax book before you plan
q way to raise revenue. In the
British Isles, one has to pay $50
pounds for a stamp to attach to
the credentials for a dukedom :,
To become a baron it is nee
essary to plump down $50
pounds for a stamp. A mere
baronet needs a stamp valued
at 100 pounds. Whitaker'S alma
mac for 1884 says so.
OF course, we don't have
dukes-not by LAWN Shis
country. But why not put a
stamp tax on Elks, Shriners,
D. A. RS, and (whisper this to
q New Dealer) Liberty Leaguers.
Governmental Note:
The Secretary of War and
the Interior Secretary are
awfully excited about the fire
flies in washington. They say
that the town has the biggest
and largest supply of fireflies
of any city of its size in the
world.
Both gentlemen, of a vaguely
romantic disposition, no doubt,
find the fireflies (the natives
call then lightning bugs) a
beautiful sight at the approach
OF dusk.
Mrs. Henry Grattan Doyle,
the new president of the Dis
trict of Columbia board of edu-
cation, has black curly hair and
gray eyes. She spends more
time with the boards affairs
than does any other member
Neunr makes Saturday engage.