Evening star., 1935-06-18

is going to happen that willy cause q
man to fall into q big JOB on his
wedding day.
MAYBE they believe that Z he ravens
A'A will feed them or that, after mar
riage a girl ceases to eat. Nobody can
tell. 1t Is just a fact that girls urge
marriage on men when they know
they are not ready for 1t. And then
they howl and whine and cry because
of the privations they have to endure.
NY earnest advice to you is to tell
these oficious friends of yours just
exactly where they get on and to put
as much pep into your statement as
you can. And then stiffen your spine
and refuse to let them force you into
marriage until you are good and
ready. DOROTHY DIX.
.DEAR Dorothy DIX: The other
~ day told} my dearly beloved
adopted son, who is II, Of his adop-
ton when an infant. My rehearsal
Of most of the facts that I felt he
could bear to- hear we're made with
the greatest consideration and love.
He listened quietly, then with flush
on his beautiful face he asked. why
did you tell me this? am very
sorry, have been very happy boy
as your son."
If it were possible for me to take
back my information to him. would
give everything I have on earth, for
I have given a splendid boy a ter
rib1e jolt, and inferiority complex,
loss of pride Of birth and family
background I have cheated him and
myself. I cannot speak Of my own
parents with pride because my boy
drops his head and tears come into
his eyes. cannot sleep nights, and
pray that in some miraculous way he
will forget what I have told him and
that we will be placed on the same
footing again, and that he will feel
that in very truth he is our own son.
NY boy suffers and feel as if / were
a murderer of his self-respect, his
love of family and hope for the fu-
ture. What can you offer me?
A TRUE MOTHER.
A NSWER-I can only offer you the
assurance that you have done
the right thing, because it Is not hu-
manly possible that your boy could
have gone through life ignorant Of
the fact that he is an adopted child.
Somebody - relatives, friends, ac-
uuaintances. neighbors, possibly even
an enemy-would be bound to tell him
| some time, and the later he found 1t
out, the more disastrous would be
the result to him.
You cannot possibly keep thing
| like that a secret. Like murder, it
will always out. And why should you
keep it a secret? Why should you
lie and deceive and make a mystery
Of the fact that he is an adopted
child, that he belongs to you by love
and tenderness instead of birth? Ger
tainly the most morbid imagination
can find nothing disgraceful in such
a relationship. Nothing except what
is fine and generous and a credit to
you.
YOUR mistake has been in not tell
ing the boy that he was an
adopted child while he was still so
young that the knowledge would have
no meaning to him. He should have
been familiarized with the fact while
he was a mere babe, and taught that
your love had peculiar tenderness in
it for him because you wanted him so
much that you had picked him out
from all other children for your own.
I realize that it is not easy to tell
little child that he is not yours,
except through love, nor to answer
its questions about where is its own
mother, and why did she give him
away, but it has to be done and the
longer you put it OF the more dis
astrous are the consequences Of your
revelation.
IVOU have my earnest sympathy
= in your dilemma, but believe me,
you have done the only honest thing,
and if you have hurt your boy now
YOU have saved him from a worse
hurt that was bound to come to him.
Teach him that the matter Of his
birth does not matter. That you
have taken out Of it whatever sting
was in it. That you have thrown over
him the mantle of your own name
and family, and that what counts is
for him to make a place in the world
for himself. Ambition is the salve for
his hurts.
Who was it who said: II am my
own ANCESTOR" But every mother
who has an adopted child is laying
up sorrow for herself and the child
by not telling it the truth while 1t
is so young that the revelation will
not shock it. DOROTHY DIX.
(Copyrieht. 1881
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