Evening star., 1935-02-24

She had, from time to time. wondered
about that strange limbo of human experience
During varied years close to the sick room
of father whom she had nursed through his
years of last illness. which were seven; the
even longer bed-ridden history of departed
mother; the multiple diseases of sisters and
brothers. including the ominOus delicacy OF
Bert, to say nothing of such neighbors as
little Tilliebelle Coax. Ervine had never before
come face to face ~ith nervous breakdown.
And now here she was. confronted with her
own.
Ervine, who had hitherto not known an all
ing hour, was now experiencing what 1t was
to awaken unrested out of doze that had
hooked itself on to the edge of sleepless
night, and because of lack of desire to face
new day, burrow her head back into the
pillow.
Nowadays, suddenly. and for no apparent
reason at all. Ervine in bed. or in the middle
Of a conversation. and once actually right
in the midst of helping Sherman pop corn for
his youngsters. would find herself unable to
swallow. or locked in kind of paralysis
that numbed her. That time seated in front
Of the fire. with little Tilliebelle Coax on her
lap she had wondered, as the numbness came
on. if she were fainting. A new kind Of faint
which permitted her to remain upright
waggling the corn pepper.
But everything. when she came out of the
hiatus, had seemed undisturbed except that
Sherman's eyes were upon her with that look
in them But then. Sherman's eyes. clear
brown coffee with the grounds showing)
through. always looked like that when they
rested upon her. Too silly - especially when
they looked as if - as if - oh. as If they were
burrs and had got themselves stuck on to her.
Well. Sherman was supposed to have been
stuck on her once upon time! Ervine could
laugh over all that now. relievedly. Suppose
just for the sake of argument that tirnid
romance of fifteen years before had gone
through! 1t was far cry from the boy with
the fleetingly poetic quality of then, to the
gaunt and harassed Sherman of today. Far,
and - for Ervine - lucky.
But all that was ancient history - before
the advent of this state of her being which
was telling her.
Part of her sense of helplessness lay in her
inability to translate this state, even to her
doctor. the same who had attended every one
of the Tate children into the world.
You couldn't very we'll tell man, espe-
cially one with matter-of-fact Elk's tooth
on his watch chain, that sometimes you felt
as If you were gas balloon mounting upward,
or that suddenly, in roomful of people, you
got afraid. 50 afraid that you wanted to rush
to a window to jump out. away from that fear
The Ervine who at thirty-two was given
to these spurts of unreasoning fear had reared
an entire family which included brother,
two sisters, and pair Of parents. Yes literally
a pair of parents because for the last ten
years of their lives. Ervine. with power of
attorney, had presided over every family
decision, signed every deed. charted every
financial and domestic procedure of the Tates
You would never have realized it in the
rather lovely mouse-colored replica of what
had been her blonde self at eighteen Mar
row, blade-like, in the way her body cleaved
ahead; the manner in which her nose, with its
high bridge. rode out, there remained much OF
the external steadiness to the little Prov
like figure of Ervi1e that had created the small
local legends concerning her Joe Tates girl
wears the breeches
Here was girl who, the very year before
her breakdown, had cleared farm that had
never before in two generations OF Tate
ownership been clear; nursed two parents
through lingering last illnesses: put Corrine
through Normal School 50 that she was now
holding down teaching position in the town
of Althea; managed the difficult achievement
OF obtaining for Bert. with his weak lung, the
outdoor position in the city of Denver; and
last, but by no means least solved the di-
lemma of Ethel the Youngest Tate, and her
raging infatuation for one of the young
EaIl1 L.