The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1935-10-10
SHOULD A SECRETARY BE
DECORATIVE?
BY NEIL STAFFORD


T HAVE always admired private sec
retaries and there are several
good reasons why l haven't one
myself, but the main reason is
that my wife is opposed to it. She be-
lieves I had better work along by my
self. That is, she declines to let me
have the kind would prefer. l could
step out and employ male secretary
any day and the wife wouldn't even
look askance, but l could never see
any sensible reason for hiring a male
secretary.
l know exactly the kind of secretary
l would like to have, If permitted. She
would be definitely young and ener-
getic, as an old secretary is the same
as an old razor blade or an old orchid,
and she would have attractive yellow
hair, friendly blue eyes and as neat
q figure as any man ever saw in Kan
sis City. She would have an agreeable
voice, a CHEEKY smile and dress nattily
in either blue or brown, and would
possess a visible culture and intel
ligence that would flabbergast bill col
lecOrs and other offensive callers and
leave them in wOrdless apology. On
days when l couldn't work, she would
be able to do my work perfectly. Nat
urally, she would receive a handsome
salary, as she would be worth it.
l have sometimes thought of hiring
a gentleman secretary, but have Away
abandoned the impulse, for I am sup
posed to be a writer and not solid
business man with an office on the
tenth floor. pearl push-buttons and
steel filing cabinets full of detailed
statistics showing how everything has
goHe to hi In the last six years.
Assume for the moment that I did
hire competent male secretary and
paid him $50 a week, a reasonable
wage for a good one. What then
Well, there would be week after week
when my hired hand would be drawing
down more money than the head of the
firm, and l could never tolerate that.
The busy executive, Of course, must
have q capable assistant, and would
say, off-hand, that the feminine secre-
tary Is to be preferred.
1t seems to me that the ideal secre-
tary for the man of affairs or ordinary
business leader Is the tall, lean, an
gular and slightly scrawny female
wearing eyeglasses and a bit of dark
cord descending to her chest. This is
the kind that saves the firm hundreds
of dollars annually and well earns her
stipend. This type of secretary Is a
thinker, usually with literary leanfngs,
and may be either a perfect jewell
around the Office or headache in high
heels.
The rosy-cheeked and blue-eyed sec
rotary with dimple can be as eff
cient as any other, but there IS no way
to stop gentlemen visitors from chat
ting with her for long periods, when
she should be tipping single-space let
tiers to Chicago, or figuring out the old
mans income tax. The doll baby In
business knows perfectly well that her
position is temporary, that she will
not always be a secretary, that some
day handsome Sir Galahad will step
out of the elevator, see her and pre-
pare for marriage, so her attitude
towards the job Is not as earnest as
that of the serious thinker in her later
years.
The very best Of all possible secre-
taries is the middle-aged woman, quiet
spinster type, who has been secretly
in love with her employer for many
years, keeps his photo at home on her
dresser, having purloined it from the
office, never makes a complaint over
long hours, never betrays by sign or
word the tremulous state Of her feel
ings, and best of all, never asks for q
raise in salary. If the boss is mar
ried man he is very often unaware of
the hidden alteration, although his
wife usually has her suspicious.
The understanding and thought
| translatins secretary is the sort any
business man Is glad to have around