The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1935-10-10
WHAT OF OUR NATIONAL
METABOLISM?
BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM

4 NdERD Is an Olu SAW WHICH says
that two heads are better than
one. Probably the guy who made
up that saying was an execu-
toner who had an ak to grind because
he got paid by piece-work.
But that idea Of his is now Old-fash-
Toned stuff. Modern civilization is not
only trending, it's positively bouncing
toward the notion that 60 heads are
better than 10, and / am not referring
to cattle either, at least not the kind
of cattle who wear nothing but horns
and their own hides. The heads to
which I have reference are called Ex-
perts. They are the bunch who are
called In to figure out why the other
fellows don't work harder.
They are the boys who can tell
chart from a charter and know how
to make the head of the concern wish
he'd graduated from high school SOS
he'd know what they were talking
about.
All over the world l notice the same
thing. In Russia particularly there
INbCNOJSON
heads are better than one, but so far
the whole lot don't seem to have been
able to think up single constructive
idea.
And don't let Hitler or Mussolini fool
you either. They may act like one
head is better than two, but if you look
between the balance sheet and the
blanket policy you'll find an army of
boys with charts that show everything
from the average yardage Of spaghetti
to the relative decrease in dogs and in
crease in frankfurters.
In France they still do things by ear,
and none of them have learned to keep
their hands still long enough to take
a National Metabolism. And if they
ever did get their heads together in
real business conference it would prob
ably take years to untangle the boards
afterwards.
In the Tight Little Isle (why does
England call itself that when they are
only allowed to drink couple of hours
a dayO. Well, anyways, in England
IISy We DGcu IuuullIS INC NOuully PlSl-
ty successfully on the principle that
one head was perfectly satisfactory
so long as the crown on it was hand
some enough to attract attention. But
they have always been great on re-
ports, and charts. CharterhOuse Is one
of their swanky schools and from the
way things are shaping up in America
/ think one of the graduates must have
sneaked on board the Mayflower.
At any rate we've developed an cpl
demic of running things by groups over
here which makes the Great Jigsaw
Puzzle Plague Of '33 pale by compar-
ison. The infamous puzzle makers are
hiding their heads in shame before the
onslaught of these new puzzle makers,
because, after all, someone did occa-
sionaIly solve jigsaw. But when some
one shows you a pin-checked piece of
paper across which drunken hen has
apparently walked after stepping In
the ink, and says proudly, There, you
can see for yourself" Well, that's
something else again, but I'm not just
sure what.
OF course it's probably the modern
method of explaining everything and
very much all right. But when / was
a girl, drawing jiggly lines on scraps of
paper was confined to inmates of the
Goofy Coop; or they were confined be-
cause of drawing jiggly lines. Well,
whichever way it was, the lines have
apparently escaped and one of them is
zigzagging up and down all over the
country.
Even your doctor has 'em. You go to
consult him about your bill, which is
probably the thing which is paining
you most at the moment, but before
you can open your mouth he opens 1t
for you, sticks the end of fire-hose