The Washington times., 1935-11-11
BertiLiOn
.GridirOn
Tramps!
RKHNnN AAnnR EA
By KIRK MILLER
Times Sports Editor

uncopyrighted suggestions de-
signed to keep intercollegiate
football pure and wholesome,
insofar as the observances OF
the eligibility codes are con-
Cerned.
I do this, fully aware that
nobody gives a whoop about
eligibility codes, least of all the
colleges themselves, just so
long as good football players
can be obtained to keep the
name Of the university spread
across the sports pages, there
by to attract future fodder for
the class rooms, study halls,
fraternity houses and the
gridiron.
Now and again the news
columns are trafficked with items
concerning transfer violations,
fake names and faxed records
and I shall not in the slightest be
surprised to see some athlete turn
up who has had his face lifted
for purposes Of disguise in order
that he may follow his chosen
profession until he is somewhere
up around his middle forties.
The Old Thumb Prints
NY suggestion therefore, for
such colleges who disdain the un-
favorable publicity attendant to
the discovery Of RINGERS" in their
ranks is to adopt a method Of
Identification used quite exten-
Sively in Scotland Yard and other
less known bureaus Of detection.
Judging from the current trend
Of events, it seems to me to be
only a matter of time until foot
ball players will have to be Bertll'
lioned, just the same as criminals,
felons and Chinese coolies caught
being smuggled into ports without
benefit of immigration creden-
tialS.
For instance, we will eventu-
allv have to start with our lads
in toddling clothes as they fiddle
around with a football on the
sandlots, recreation fields and
Fairgrounds.
These kids will have to be
thumbprinted the first time they
even look cock-eyed at a football.
Whenever they appear for
Jobs as football players in latter
life, their Bertillion measurements
will be taken and sent to central
records bureau under j. Edgar
Hoover in the Department OF
Investigation to determi e
whether indeed the authors OF
such prints are John Smith, Rich
ard Roe, Joe Zilch, Boob NC
Duffy, etc.
Their Previous Records
Otherwise how are we to know
who is who, as he trots out on
the football field? That is, how
are we to be sure that our foot
ball players aren't playing under
an alias, and that perhaps they
have a "long record" somewhere
else which would make them un-
desirables in the company in
which they happen to be basking.
I'll swan, getting bad!
# the cases of Clois Francis
Key, late of the University OF
California Of Los Angeles; Bill
Andorak, AL Farrell, recently OF
Maryland, and Johnny SnacSak,
of North Carolina up to q few
weeks ago and Of Catholic Uni
Versity before that, are an 1ndi-
cation, it's high time the Federal
Government took a hand, just as
1t has had to do in the case Of
doping race horses.
After all, what is the differ
ence between doping horse and
doping the registrar OF a unlver-
sity or the director of athletics,
except that a horse doesn't want
to be doped, whereas many Of our
college officials don't mind it at
all, particularly if they happen
to be looking the other way and
therefore don't feel the needle
going into their arm.
Service Stripes Would Help
And here's another suggestion,
and my final for the day, I
promise!
Let the noble National College
Athletic Association which gov.
erns intercollegiate football, adopt
a form of service stripes for foot
ball players, the stripes to be
tatooed or branded on the bare
arm Of every player when he has
completed a tour OF duty at this
joint or that.
For instance, when Joe Numb
has done a year at VaSsar, let
him be branded with hot iron
up around his muscle. denoting
one year of intercollegiate foot
ball.
Then, if he transfers to
Goucher, they will know all
about him. branding him in turn
after he is tired playing there.
Thus. when he shows up at
Burning Tree Teachers the fol
lowing fall. they can determine
his past at a glance and can't
deny equal guilt with the player
in case he is discovered" by a
jealous foe who fears a good,
sound licking.
Really, there ought to be law!
A couple of 'em
Southeasts in Tie