The Washington times., 1935-03-23

Mardele who had been such a
delight.
And something told me, plain
as thunder, that I'd pay in heart
break for every step I took
ahead. I remember crying-ter-
ribly, inarticulately-as only l!
can cry. I remember vow1ng I'd
learn to crochet and marry the
butchers boy and live happily
in Benicia ever after. But 1t
was all in vain. Life had its
grio on me. Or was that old
bargain I'd made with God get
ting under way?
Both Were Trapped
By Fear and Hunger
At any rate, I wanted out. No
matter what it cost, I wanted out!
MY desire for "out" at this time
was probably far inferior to my
weary mothers. I had certainly
been q handful. If only the Right
Man would come along!
He came. He was ten years
older than I. He was from the
East, visiting our minister. His
name was-but that doesn't mat
ter. He was sickly, mourning the
lovely girl who had been his wife.
Sickly and a widower-there was
my Cause! His home was in Ver'
mont. That was certainly "out,
Besides this, he was sensitive, in.
telligent, attractive. Wasn't that
the answer to any maiden's
prayer?
He might have been. Maybe he
was. But do we ever really know
what our prayers are all about;
do we ever really like their an.
swers after we get them? doubt
it. We two certainly didn't. And
thereby hangs this tale. But how
am going to tell It?
AS long as I was merely giving
you the low-down on myself, that
was easy enough. But how can I
talk frankly of a living gentleman
whom I once loved and married;
who, for a time, hated me as much
as I hated him; who, seemingly,
treated me with abominable
cruelty, but who, I now see, was
trapped, as tragically as I was
trapped, by fear and hunger?
Now that the agony Of it is all
over and our hearts have both
been broken over one slender
grave, why should I want to hurt
you, c. B. C? I don't; I never
did. I'm sure you didn't want to
hurt me, either. Yet how power
less we both were to prevent 1t.
CHAPTER V
However, we weren't anticipat
ing tragedy when we met in that
spring Of 1901. I was the widest
creature he had ever seen. He was
the tamest in all my experience
We were mutually intrigued. He
was deeply religious. Both he and
thought 7 was. Added to that
we both considered ourselves the
victims Of fate. That was enough;
we were engaged within three
weeks.
My exhausted mother drew a
deep breath Of relief. But my
father shook his head.
So I was going to be married
Was it love? What is love-man
and-woman love-whether we be
II or 10? It is what we think we
want. The answer to our own
hunger or fear or conceit.
thought I wanted that Vermonter
Now I know I only wanted out
He thought he wanted me. He
only wanted something warm
lively and reckless, to console
but never challenge-hiS owr
chilled and crippled spirit. Two
such wants" should never have
been mated. But people didn't
analyze marriage then.
I was going to be married.
was going to go 5000 miles away
to a new land and an alien peo
pie. I knew nothing about mar
r1age; nothing about New Eng
landers. More ominous, they knew
nothing about me. But my mothel
did, and she had grave cause fol
apprehension. The marriage wa
most suitable-but was I? Not b!
Vermont standards! Something
had to be done to ready" me. 81
It was decided that I should go tt
| Northfield for a year.