The Waterbury Democrat., 1935-04-15
In New York
By PAUL HARRISON

New York.-Thoughts while thinking: Maybe we place too high an estimate on the talents of our Katharine Cornells. our Helen Hayeses, and our George Cohans. The biggest legitimate theater in New York has only 3700 seats. and is seldom filled. But 10000 scream ing people will turn out of a sunny afternoon to see Dizzy and Dany Dean toss baseball. r4
 How would 1t be for Hollywood to have a special currency, negoti- able nowhere else? That would keep the flicker actors from com ing east and making Manhattan ties feel like 30 cents |. The humane society has been trying to arrange for the merciful opening of oysters by first anesthetizing them with q hypodermic needle. They'd also like to see Holsters placed in luke-warm water, which renders them unconscious, before boiling. But why don't they do something important, like start ing a League Against the Owner ship of Dogs in New York City? Or an MIRA code for work horses? Oyster Problem
 And speaking of oysters. here comes the month of May, without an 'r." No more oysters. accord ing to the old law, until September. Meanwhile, agitation grows for adoption of the thirteen month calendar. Before they go any fur ther, I think the thirteen month calendar people-ought to explain what they intend doing about oysters. Will the thirteenth month have an "r" in 1t? And if it does. how can they possibly sandwich it in between June and July?
 We know so much of what Rockwell Kent thinks of the Greenlanders. How about a re- port on what the Greenlanders think of Kent? Have the Somali- flanders taken any pictures of Martin and Osa Johnson? Is Rus sia enjoying the visit of Richard Halliburton?
 Disproved
 An English scientist believes two loud noises can be made to cancel each other, resulting in silence. Father Coughlin and Senator Long already have tested the idea. and 1t won't work No wonder Jack Dempsey's a successful res- taurateur. He used to be dish washer and second cook in his papa's beanery in Montrose, Col... Nobody seems to aspire to the va cant, role of Public Enemy No. l. Word must have been passed around that its job that pays off only in lead.
 Logicians still insist that all ,saat goes up comes down. How about elevators? I've loitered in office building Hobbies and watched cars begin an ascent every fifteen sec onds. On upper floors of the same buildings I've waited three and four minutes for a down car. A mystery here.
 Everywhere are evidences of mans depravities and weaknesses. It's hard to realize how regiment ed. guarded and generally mistrust- ed we all have become. Policemen on beats, locks on doors, traffic lights, stern signs. printed threats of fine and Imprisonment for It, tie misdemeanors, time clocks, law yers, ratings to keep us in line. Comes the millennium and they'll tear out the subway turnstiles. Leaving free lanes of ingress flank Ted by open washtubs into which everybody will pitch his nickel.
 
 Renamed
 Stage and movie people get com pletely out of control when they set about changing their names. "Mitzi Mayfair" sounds fiutteringly phoney and isn't in the least de- scriptive of the vital little dancer. who real name is Madeline Piquc. Danny Dare' sounds juvenile. like the title of an Alger book, Yet it was chosen, no doubt deliberately, by a hardboiled Broadway dance director. Chorus girls with sub stantial handles such as Emily and Elizabeth have become "Yvonne" and ''Helyne" until everybody has given up In despair and now just calls them, '"Toots."
 Maybe it's not 50 strange after ail--the unpopularity of popcorn in Manhattan. New Workers are watchers, not munchers; they're fascinated by the mechanical won ders all about them. They watch steam shovels and riveters. gawk at show-window demonstrations of folding beds. vacuum cleaners and razor blade sharpeners. As for popcorn, they're entranced by the transmutation of golden grains into fluffy white pellets. But they never think of gcjng in