Evening star., 1935-04-14

Bdrnum, tQe nlSUOIlC predecessor Ol
Franklin D. Roosevelt" introduced
his star performers in the following
words:
First We have the fat philatelist,
patron of the mails. known around the
world for her generous nature
Fatima Farley. She will be glad to
present to each and every one of you
absolutely free, and for nothing,
stamp bearing her own likeness.
Next we have the living skeleton.
He plows under pigs and plant
platitudes. He thinks he's prosperous
but he's starving-Senor Enrico
Wallace.
Gaze now on the worlds most
| accomplished word swallower. the
man with the flexible gullet. He can
swallow anything from a nutmeg to a
Farley appointee. from a china egg
to a Chief Justice-Pasha Homer
Cummings.
And now the midget of the
Midwest. This little freak. left over
from the Chicago Fair, was brought
here tonight at cost of 81 800, ,000,-
000-Gen. Tom Thumb Ickes.
In all my experience in collecting
new and amazing rarities for the
amusement of the American people I
have never presented an aggregation
equal to this
Jumbo G. o. p. Present.
AS Barnum tried to prove that his
group was Just one happy family,
the members recited derogatory verses
about their associates The scene was
closed by Jumbo G. o. P. collapsing
when he heard clarion CALI from
Herbert Hoover.
An unsuccessful attempt to give
the country back to the Indians was
introduced by Senator Borah reciting
In Hiawatha manner the theme song
of the Indians who we're off the
reservation:
BY the shores of Getcha Givme.
BY the broad Potomac wa .ers
Stands the wigwam of t. Indians
Who are off the reservaI ~
From the South Dakota : 4 Lands,
From the wild grass of = 'raska,
From the Idaho potatoe
And the cheese vats of ~ consin
Come the warriors of loly eoices,
Fond of hearing their voices,
With their frequent repe'" sns
And their wild reverberf '<ns,
Shouting, whittier are a e drift
ing?"
Borahs tribesmen were ES Chief
Hugh Johnson, who operAi. {. type
writer in his wigwam, ant' '1g Chief
McCarran. When SecretakL. Perkins
and N. r. A. Chairman R'NNerg ap-
peared the Indians hid. - message
from President Rooseve - brought
them back to the scene.
Thousands Of MOI
The Indians refused to Ike back
the country, singing to u tune of
mo! No! A Thousand Til No!":
He is the New Deal Gre
He's known as Franklin
He is the great dictator
Who owns the whole c. try.
Now the New Dealers tve shut
fled the pack,
He finds they've just cuf deuce;
He wants the Indians b take it
back,
But he will find it's nc use!
The question was set'5S q by the
declaration that the cor ry would
be saved by planting tree' This was
the cue for singing neT words to
George M. Cohan'S III iians and
Trees" in part as follow
According to Who's xo,"
| Columbus and his crew
They landed here that3 3yell-known
year
OF fourteen ninety-two
Four hundred years ha vanished
And another forty mor3
When Franklin D. came er the sea
And stepped upon the Fhore.
Now how to rule thii land bed
found 4
Columbus couldn't say-N
And Franklin is no bet4 + off,
For no one knows toNy!
Fun Over Arpf.
A "rearmament" skit Rked fun at
the unsuccessful efforts IT European
and American statesmen. to come to
an agreement on gener'l l diSarma-
ment. Sir John SINCE had the
British House of Comm, Is raise the
naval budget because hs$ had heard
two new fishing smacks rTd appeared
in the Baltic. Foreign Nj tlister Laval
suggested to Prime MinsSer Flandin
of France that the clas of 1884 be
called out because he Sad seen q
book beer parade; CopEnissar Lit
vinof told Dictator STAIN to drink
few toasts-to the D,@e of Glou-
cester and Jimmie Roosevelt and
then ordered 10000 tsflks. Prime
Minister Mussolini raisdh taxes Is
per cent and ordered that the CO.
efficient of the birth rah be doubled
Chancellor Hitler awarded the Order
of Merit to the executidner and de-
manded a half-hour Kachine gun
instruction in all kindersartens.
The conference came sto a unani-
NOUS agreement after STR John had
read the following telegram:
Ever mindful of our historic 90
y.x;>.. nsl .,,~ taoyroSs ns uar i1aye