Evening star., 1935-07-18
repaired Baby Now Market Beneficial Mother and Child
Dorothy Dix Says
Don't Nag Children About Their
Manners in Public.

- EAR MISS DIX: Won't you
write something about nag
ging children at the table
~ about their manners. 1t not
only spoils the childs meal, but often
wrecks its character. When was
child, timid and nervous, my aunt
nagged me about my table manners,
with the result that to this good day
cannot dine with ease or pleasure
with strangers as am overcome with
self elf-consciousness. II attend tea,
I have to pretend not to care for re-
freshments as my hand shakes so I
cannot lift the cup from the saucer.
The result of this childhood nagging
had the opposite, but equally disas-
trous, effect on my brother. At home
he is a man Of refined and gentle
habits, but before strangers he hides
his inferiority complex by being un-
couth and ostentatious.
I never correct my children pub
licly. wait until we are alone. Then
we talk 1t out. In this way they are
taught constructively without the les
son manning them for life. JOAN.
Answers hope that many other
mothers will heed the advice given by
this wise woman, for she Is leading
her children unconsciously into the
right road and making them like it
instead Of scourging them down 1t
with rods.
OF course, the faults Of children
have to be corrected. Their man
ners and their habits have to be
formed. They have to be taught the
amenities of life. But there are diff
ferent ways of doing this and per-
haps the reason that children are so
often impervious to their mothers
corrections Is because they are given
in the wrong way and at the wrong
time.
have often been struck by the un-
Intentional brutality of parents in
dealing with their children's mistakes
and faults and have wondered how
they, themselves, would like to be
treated as they were treating some
sensitive, helpless little creature.
They seem to forget that the home
is the child's world, that its father
and mother represent to it what we
call society, and that their approval
or disapproval is its shame or dis
grace.
WE HAVE all sat at tables where
the father and mother con-
tinually called the attention of every
one present to the way Johnny was
eating his soup or Mary was holding
her fork. We have heard them de-
mand of Tommy why he ate Like
pig and seen them send Ethel from
the table because she spotted the
tablecloth. And as we watched the
quivering lips of the little victims and
saw them crushed and Inundated we
have wondered that any man or wom-
an could be cruel enough and stupid
enough so to mistreat little child.
For what the child was enduring
was the shame that grown-up would
feel if he were held up to public
obloquy and his name made a hiss
ing and a byword. He would be no
more ashamed by being cartooned in
the newspapers as a boor than the
child is by having its blunders in table
etiquette called to the attention of
strangers.
Often their parents harping upon
the children's faults, and especially
shaming them before others, gives
them an inferiority complex that
wrecks their lives. I know woman
who would be handsome If she would
only hold up her head and carry her
self properly and wear the right
clothes, but who sinks around with
bent shoulders and dresses like
scarecrow because her mother, when
she was a child, used continually to
bemoan the fact that she didn't know
what she would ever do. with such an
ugly gangling girl. This so mortified
the child that she kept out of sight as
much as possible and, believing her
self hopelessly handicapped, has never
made any effort to improve her looks.
Many men and women are awkward
because as children they were always
berated for their clusminess. Many
are failures because as children their
parents were forever telling them how
stupid and dull they were. Many a
time the fathers and mothers put out
the fire of ambition in q child's soul
by their fault-finding.
There is time and place for all
things, and for the correcting Of chill
dren it is not in public, but in private.
where the child's feelings are spared
and the quiet talk of mother or father
sinks in and becomes light to guide
the stumbling little feet.
DOROTHY DIX.
DEAR DOROTHY DIX: How can I
- teach my husband to be more
kindly to people? How can I make
him more friendly2 He seems to de-
light In saying harsh and cutting
things to every one with whom we
come in contact and we are swiftly
losing friends through his abrupt
actions and conversation. try to
keep our home life running smoothly
all the time by being sweet to him, to
offset his harshneSs, but nothing is
right with the world or with any,
body for him. I never have heard
him pay a compliment or even ap-
.f THhoy1 HvCNf