Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1935-01-31
Fable of Tetley's
Treatise on
Women
g
BY GEORGE ABE
q, Ben syndicats.-wNU Service.

tunate AZ to attend the Literary
Exercises in connection with the
Graduating Of the Class Of 20
from Bingham College. no doubt will
recall the mastery Grafton delivered
BY Herman Tetley. It was the only
Speech made by any Graduate and
/ Herm was selected for this Signal
Honor because he resembled William
! Jennings Bryan when the Latter was
the Boy Orator Of the Platte, instead
Of the Fully Matured Real Estate
Booster of Florida. Herm had a
flashing eye, an aqualine Beak and his
Hair met the Collar. You could tell.
by looking at this Laddy-Buck that he
had been incarnated for the Special
Purpose Of making Speeches.
It was very hot Day and q great
many sons of Old Bingham, wearing
Facial Decorations of Ivy and Alfalfa.
had come from as far away as Rock
Island, Ill. and Chillicothe. Ohio. In
spite of the tropical Humidity. the
Orator Of the Day was fully clad in
the Habiliments which must be adopt
ed by anyone who hopes to put over
an Grafton.
He wore a long-tailed, pall-bearing
Suit of Winter Clothes and had a
little white Hickey inside the Weskit
than which nothing could be more
Marmadale. Also he was shOd with
Patent feathers of dazzling Radiance
The Volstead Enactment has made
Claret Cup an Equivalent Of Arson.
but the Bird who wears Patent
Leather Shoes in the morning goes
scot free. Yet there are those who
pirate Of Justice.
No doubt the Reader vii be inter
ested to learn what Herman Tetley
talked about. Well, he talked about
Is minutes and his Subject was Ger
tain Phases Of Femfnism." Read II
over again and read it slowly and you
will perceive that the Hero who
started across the Atlantic Ocean In n
Dinghy was a Piker when compared
with Herman.
Not only did he sum up. briefly. the
whole Significance Of Woman's recent
Itch to hold Office. invade the Pro
LESSONS and put Nan back into the
Nine-Hole. but he went ahead and
proved that 1t was all contrary to the
Basic Laws of Nature. When he
allowed that there were certain funda
mental and biological Differences be
tween He and She, which would for
ever disqualify the Center Sex from
tackling any rugged Task. he thought
he had stumbled upon new and gilt
tering Truth. He even went so far as
to advance the novel Theory that
Woman's True Sphere is within the
Home.
He did not know that Adam said
exactly the same Thing two Days
after He lost the Rib. and kept on
saying It up to the Day of the Fruit
Episode. Adam continued to refer
to Himself as the Head Of the House
hold even after he was taking Or
ders. The Records are not complete.
but undoubtedly he used to say to
Cain and Abel: "What ] say goes,
but I don't like to have any Argu
ment with your Ma"
Not long after Commencement Day
we find Herman back in Sycamore
where his Dad owned the principal
Bank. For a great many years the
Male Parent Of the Class Orator had
been engaged in helping Farmers who
were up against II and sometimes he
collected no more than the Legal Rate
Of Interest. Tetley. ST.. had quite
Sense Of Humor. for he often said that
the Lord had prospered him. He had
rating which gave the Son a local
Importance not to he attained by put.
ting the Hand inside the Coat and
spelling lot Of Websterian Observa.
lions.
Herman had read in a Folder that
Travel has a Broadening influence. so
he talked the Guvnor into letting him
60 to Europe before he settled down
and used his Algebra in running the
Bank.
Herman started for the Old World.
accompanied by the vast Store OF
knowledge which he had acquired at
Bingham. He was still strong In the
Belief that Woman should not attempt
anything more intricate than knitting
q Sweater for some Male Relative He
liked the Type Of Girl who admired
him and his whole Attitude toward
the Inferior Sex was one Of gotl.like
FOrbearance and Patience. tinctured
with mild Amusement. but Old Tet.
%. didn't believe that any Flapper
could tell him anything he hadn't
known for three or four years.
saby.Faee Kids Him Along.
On the Train he met an Actress who
had washed up and walked out. ieav.
ing Hollywood fat. because the Direc.
tors were not Genteel. She had lost
her Purse and bnrrowed $40 from the
Glass Orator. He gave her his New
York Address but up to the time of
bis Sailing the Letter had not ar
rived. probably because the Postal
Service Is 50 unreliable In a crowded
City. So many Letters are being sent
to 30 many different People. II Is small
Wonder that some Of them are mis-.
laid.
On the Liner II happened that his
Deck Chair adjoined one on which re-
clined a Young Thing with Roiy-Poly