The Coolidge examiner., 1935-12-13
WHAT OF OUR NATIONAL
METABOLISM?
Ry NINA WILCOX PUTNAM

THERE is an old saw which
says that two heads are bet
ter than one. Probably the
guy who made up that say
ing was an eXecutioner who had an
ak to grind because he got paid
by piecewOrk.
But that idea of his is now old
fashioned stuff. Modern civiliza-
ton is not only trending, it's posi-.
lively bouncing toward the notion
that 60 heads are better than 10,
and | am not referring to cattle
either, at least not the kind OF
cattle who wear nothing but horns
and their own hides. The heads
to which | have reference are called
Experts. They are the bunch who
are called in to figure out why the
other fellows don't work harder.
They are the boys who can tell
a chart from a charter, and know
how to make the head of the con-
Germ wish he'd graduated from high
school SOS he'd know what they
were talking about.
All over the world l notice the
same thing. In Russia particularly
there seems to be an idea that 49,
100000 heads are better than one,
but so far the whole lot don't seem
TO have been able to think up a
single constructive idea.
And don't let Hitler or MussOlini
fool you either. They may act like
one head is better than two, but
if you look between the balance
sheet and the blanket policy you'll
find an army of boys with charts
that show everything from the av-
erage yardage of spaghetti to the
relative decrease in dogs and in
crease in frankfurterS.
In France they still do things by
ear, and none of them have learned
TO keep their hands still long enough
to take a National Metabolism. And
if they ever did get their heads to-
gether in real business confer
ence it would probably take years
TO untangle the boards afterwards.
In the Tight Little Isle (why
does England call itself that when
they are only allowed to drink a
couple of hours dayO. Well, any
ways, in England they've been run
ming the country pretty successful
ly on the principle that one head
was perfectly satisfactory so long
as the crown on it was handsome
enough to attract attention. But
they have always been great on re-
ports, and charts. CharterhOuse is
one of their swanky schools and
from the way things are shaping
up in America l think one of the
graduates must have sneaked on
board the Mayfower.
At any rate we've developed an
epidemic Of running things by
groups over here which makes the
Great Jigsaw Puzzle Plague of 's33
pale by comparison. The infamous
puzzle makers are hiding their
heads in shame before the onslaught
of these new puzzle makers, be-
cause, after all, someone did occa-
sionally solve a jigsaw. But when
some one shows you a pin-checked
piece of paper across which a
drunken hen has apparently walked
after stepping in the ink, and says
proudly, There, you can see for
yOurselfw Well, that's something
else again, but I'm not just sure
what.
OF course it's probably the mod.
ern method of explaining every
thing and very much all right. But
when | was a girl drawing iiggly
lines on scraps of paper was con.
fined to inmates of the Goofy Coop
or they were confined because of
drawing jiggly lines. Well, which
ever way it was, the lines have ap-
parently escaped and one of them
is zigzagging uD and down all over
the country.