Evening star., 1935-05-31
FruitIess Hog Hunt
Through MARYLAND

To the Editor of The Star:
I have been hog hunting am
not referring to the two-legged va
riety, because one doesn't have to
hunt for that sort of swine in Wash
ington these days. I mean the kind
of hog whose diet consists of corn
and Swill instead of taxpayers dollars.
1t all came about in this way: A
friend of mine, whom I shall desig-
nate as Mr.. D., has just bought a
home in Washington suburb. 1t
was in bad repair, but by dint of
much hard work and considerable
amount of expense, ingenuity and
good taste he has transformed 1t
into thing of beauty. He has even
built rustic stone well and, while
it contains no water, the artistic
effect is most pleasing. The prac-
tical side of the picture he has taken
care of in the form of peas. lettuce,
onions, etc. Now it so happens that
both Mr.. and Mrs. D. have a de-
cided weakness for crisp bacon and
Succulent ham and this, coupled with
the fact that he has two acres and a
colored youth he recently imported
from down South, who was beginning
to show signs Of homesickneSs be-
cause there were no hogs to look after,
decided him TO go on a pig hunting
pilgrimage. Anyhow, with the pres
ent exorbitant price Of pork and MOTH
ing in the world to prevent it from
going much higher. he figured it was
case of either raising his own hogs
or going without pork. Having pigs
on the place was repugnant to Mrs.
DIS eSthetic sense, but her husband
finally overoame her objections. So
one day last week he inveigled me
into going out through Montgomery
County with him on his first recon-
noitering expedition on the trail Of
the elusive pig.
DO l hear you say it's a simple
matter to buy two pigs when you
have the money to pay for them?
Just you try it! Our trip netted us
exactly nothing in the form of pigs.
The farmers had nothing but i'll
concealed contempt for people who
we're SO ignorant as to try to buv a
pig. No, they had no pigs and didn't
know any one who had Why should
they have pigs when they are being
paid not TO have them? 1t began
TO look as though we had about as
much chance to buy pig as we would
have TO buy sacred COW from a
Hindu
Along toward the shank of the aft
ernoon. when the prospect of inter-
viewing one more farmer on the sub
1ect OF pigs made me want to soueaI.
we struck a clue. We talked to a
man who had heard tell" of a colored
man living just this side Of Frederick.
VINO, believe it or not, had not two
pigs. but eight. My friends face
Frightened. but, alas, bystander
oashed his hopes. This man said he
also had heard tell" OF the colored
man and 1t was true about the eight
pigs. Unfortunately. however. he had
sold the pigs at Sc apiece. He added
that the colored man has been so an
noyed by pig seekers from a radius OF
oO miles that he is seriously con-
sidering getting a Winchester rifle
and savage dog so be can have some
peace. He was disguised with himself
anyhow. because he had not heard that
he could get paid for pigs without rails
ing them. Neither had the pigs
mother heard anything about it. II
she happened to be a sensible sort
of SOW she probably would not have
believed 1t anyhow. OF course. her
sense OF loyalty to Secretary Wallace
might have caused ner to stifie her
craving for motherhood had the the
ory been fully explained to her.
Mr.. D. is determined sort Of cuss
and he svears that as soon as he gets
another new set of tires he is going
TO tour the State of Virginia in his
quest for two pigs. But not to raise
and eat. Oh, no. If he is successful
he is going to put gold collars on them
and present them TO the National Zoo
logical Park and get his name as
donor engraved on one of those cute
little brass plates which will be fast
ened on the front of their pen. The
inscription on the plate will read
something like this: ''Piggus Hoggus
or Common American Swine. For
merly found in every barn yard of
the U. S. A. Now practically ex-
tinct since the Brain Storm Trust OF
the New Deal Era decreed that the
American farmer was to be paid for
not having them around Flesh
edible. but so expensive it would prob
ably make the eater sick"
S. H. MUMFORD.