Evening star., 1935-05-11
Successful
ChildLeadS
To Mistake
Pride and Shame Too
Likely to Be Made
Wrong Test.
BY ANGELO PATRI.

DATERNAL pride is proverbial and
instructive. which is probably
what has given it such power over
parents and children. A goodly share
of this pride is purely personal. my
child did that drawing" My boy
stood first in the test" Something
of honor and dignity is added to the
parent of the successful child. am
not decrying this in the slightest.
What I want to emphasize is the
opposite side of the picture, the awful
shame that covers parent whose
child fails. That feeling is overdone
and it's effect on the children is far
out of proportion to their share in
the occasion.
Father and mother take small
boy, about 6 or 7. out for visit.
Nov show Aunt Ellen what little
gentleman you can be-" says mother.
her anxiety so evident that the child
wonders what is the matter with
visiting Aunt Ellen and is at once
on guard. Then he forgets. He
chases the kitten until it is rescued.
He spills some milk on the table
cloth-the glass was of a size and
weight unsuited to his hands and
unfamiliar in his experience. He left
his dessert on his plate untouched,
and when his hostess asked, as, of
course. she should not have done
Don't you like tapico pudding?" he
said, mo, I DON'T" without the saw
ing grace Of as much as smile.
Il never was so ashamed in all
my life. I'll never take you out again.
Never"
An older child fails in school. He
could make no sense out of geometry
and Latin was dead sound in his
ears. He cannot go ahead. He
must get passing mark in these two
subjects or he cannot be graduated
and that means he must repeat them" "
Do father and mother ask why the
boy could not master these subjects?
Do they try to get expert help for
the boy who is drowning in a welter
of despair? What they do is say to
the teacher, I'VE do not understand
this at all. We have sent three chill
dren through high school and this
is the first one that has ever failed
There must be something wrong
Have you kept him in, given him any
special instruction? Couldn't he have
been coached? Why did you not let
us know long ago so we could have
prevented this disgrace?"
To the boy they say, This Is dis
graceful. The only one of the family
on either side who has ever failed
in school. How do you suppose we
feel? Your cousins are all doing
splendidly. 1t must be you that shows
us up to the neighborhood. disgraces
us. We're ashamed to be seen for
fear somebody says, I hear Harold
is being left back. What a shame
Pride and shame in relation to
children are too likely to be personal
In dealing with children it is better
to be as impersonal as possible about
their doings. One can be happy in
his success and sad in his failures
without feeling personally elated OF
personally aggrieved. A child's mis-
take in etiquette at the age of or z
a pupils failure In a difficult subject
are not causes for shame. They are
signals Of distress and a call for help
IN the school child's life, and ar
indication Of a lack of maturity
nothing more. One would not expect
little child to have perfect man.
ners. Nor would a sensible person
expect high school student to be
equally proficient in all subjects.
Shame Is not a word to be used
lightly in relationship to children
Save it for the occasion we hope will
never come-spiritual catastrophe
Even that can be mended.
Copyright. 1850