The Waterbury Democrat., 1935-03-18
In New York
BY PAUL HARRISON


 New York = If you haven't haG your irony to-day, try this little story of 8 young woman who came to Manhattan to get job. Came out of Oklahoma with a couple of college degrees, an exceptional cui- tural background, four years of business experience, vitality, lot of good looks, and a couple of hundred dollars.
 The first New York newspaper she picked up carried an adver- tisement for well educated young woman with pleasant per- sonallty, private-secretarial abil- ity and some business experience. She answered the ad, was granted an interview by an assistant of the prospective employer, and learned that the employer himself was a wealthy former professor (there are a few in the world) who now travels in foreign coun- tries and writes books. It was just the sort of thing she wanted, and she very much needed a job.
 There also were 428 other ap- plicants for the position. Through subsequent interviews, and over a period of several anxious weeks, the list of only two prospects. The final selection was to be made by the professor himself on> cer- tain afternoon.
 Final Splurge
 By this time the girls savings cided to gamble everything on this one bright chance. She never yet had met the professor. but she knew he wasn't old and that he. must be at least slightly suscepti- ble to feminine charm. So she bought permanent wave, a course of facials, an expensive suit, new hat. Used practically every nickel of her savings. Then, with the confidence of a womari who knows she's looking her best. she went to the final interview.
 Thep rofessor's assistant, plain ly dazzled, said she'd have to wait aIfew minutes because the other candidate for the position was just then being interviewed. Soon the door opened and the other candidate emerged, looking rather pjleased with herself. Looking, also, like some sort of she-gar- goyle = buck teeth. hawk nose, horn-rimmed spectacles. lanky fral..e, flat-heeled shoes.
 So it was with renewed assur-, ance that the pretty girl from Oklahoma went into the author s study. ''Dr Blank" said the as-' sistant, this Is the other young lady l told you about = Miss Me k--."
 She noticed first, with little throb of thankfulness, that the man behind the desk was rather nice looking. and had a friendly smile. She looked again and her carefully rehearsed greeting froze into a little sob. The cumulative tension of those hopeful. prayer full weeks made something snap, and in the shocked silence of the small office she gave way to her first fit of mysteries.
 The professor was blind. Oh, Professor! That is the true story, but the next one doubtless is fable. Harry Hershfield tells 1t as an end to all stories about absent minded professors.
 This fellow had so much difii- culty with his mental lapses-- such as sleeping in his dinner clothes and donning pajamas to dash for his morning street car that he consulted psychiatrist. The latter told him 1t would be necessary to make out and follow to the last detail written sched- ule for each day.
 So the professor began that even- ing as he undressed. Goat on chair he wrote. Trousers for tomorrow on hanger. Tie and shirt on dresser. Under wear on chair. Shoes and socks by dresser. wall." fs5
 The plan seemed to work all right next morning as he read each line and donned each article of clothing. Then he came to the last entry and noticed with horror that he wasn't in the twin bed nearest the wall. Rushed to the | telephone and notified the police tht he was missing.
 Of course. he forgot to give the | police his name and address, so | before they could trace the call and reach the house the professor was so dithery that he had gone to bed with a high fever., The | officers arrived, searched the house and had about given up when one of them exclaimed "Why. here you are. professor, right fin this bed nearest the win- dow!"
 The poor fellow was so excited at finding himself that he had q heart attack ana died.