The Washington times., 1935-11-05
NOW
Defeat Certain
At Hat Shop
SUCH A TRIAL
BY HELEN EssARY


About this time of the year ]
find myself disliking those
smooth, artful creatures one finds
in the millinery department.
I don't like the way they look
at me. The way they talk down
to me. And the way they know
all about me.
When I tread apprehensively
into their velvet-aisled dens
try to be nonchalant and a little
condescending. Instead, am
promptly confused. Uncertain
And find myself saying some
thing like this:
"I should like, please, to see
black hat. Not too big. That is,
1 meant don't want it too little
Sort Unsatisfactory. But smart,
too. don't want glum black
hat. And please don't bring me
one of those insane little hats
What I really want is an awfully
chic-an awfully good, black hat
Suitable for most any emergency
And not too expensive"
The smooth artful creature
she's always a blonde and blondes
never like me-looks at me pene'
tratingly and says:
Large head-size, MADAME"
I HAVE a large head-size
Geniuses have large head
sizes, too. They probably
never looked any better in their
hats than do. But-why should
that smooth creature call atten'
ton to the fact that I can't
wear size 81? And so put me
Immediately on the defensive.
reply with determined hauteur
"Yes, a large head size. But not
too large"
The clerk is terribly pretty. ]
noticed that as soon as saw her
She has slim ankles and a con
cave waist line.
Swiftly she leads me to seat
before a mirror-I hate mirrors
Then whizzes off to remote re
Cions. Returns with a swish and
a smile and three hats. Lifting
a black velvet helmet, popular in
tin at the moment with Abyssinian
invaders, she says:
Here is what you need. Coque
feathers are extremely smart. Ah!
That is very, very good!"
I'd rather not remember how
looked in that hat. When you
put q conquerer's helmet on
person who spends most OF her
life hoping she has done the right
thing, you have sketch for Helen
Hokinson in the New Yorker. I
say weakly:
VERY nice, but not exactly what
am looking for"
Another model is put sidewise
on my brow. One-half of what
would be it's crown, if it had a
crown, shoots into the air like the
right wing of an attacking bomber.
No wing is on the other side. Just
my back and side hair, needing a
wave.
Next on my head is placed at an
angle Of 80 degrees something that
looks like a hot dish cover with
q tassel. My face is exposed to
the ruthless world. Also to the
blonde milhner. She, I'm sure
knew exactly how I was going to
look in the hot dish cover, and
was amusing herself with me.
"You haven't mentioned the
price," I say.
"Oh! The first is $3.50. The
last $25 and the other is only
$3.50"
"oh, quite inexpensive! Butter
I have you anything with brim?'
"A brim, Madam! No one in
New York is wearing a brim
Washington women, must admit
do not dress as well as New York
women. Have you lived in Wash
ington long?"
I'm ashamed to admit I've lived
In Washington for Is years, so
murmur, mot awfully long. Still
I would like to try a brim.'
I try the briIn and the crown
that goes with it. It is a large
comfortable combination. Not
smart. But sort of easy-going
and it shades the face.
The blonde salesperson snaps
her eyes. She says the hat is not
for me. I know perfectly we'll
that she recognizes me as a
woman who longs to appear
jaunty. She realizes that if she
sells me a hat that is suitable, u
I'll never come back to her again
The half an airplane is again
set on half of my head. I frown
and feebly sigh. The smooth
blonde SaleSperson says perhaps
I'd like clip. Just a moment.
Here's a very amusing clip
Madam. only $3.50. But so be.
coming. Your name and address?
Thank you. That hat will be out
tomorrow"
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