The Washington times., 1935-10-12

nome simple C1OQIeaTlnS Ma
tionalist. One Of those 100 per
cent Americans you read about
In the comic strips.
In spite of the hurricane in
the North Atlantic "accompan-
led by mountainous seaS"-the
tables and chairs were tied to
the floors and the birthday cake
of DR.. James G. Chaplin, orni-
thologist at the American Muse.
UNI of Natural History, Skidded
across the dining room table
into the coffee cups while the
orchestra was playing Happy
Birthday To Ye-ou-uu"-in spite
of generally bad weather the
S. S. Manhattan made port at
the proper time. I was glad to
be home again. Maybe now I'll
even join the Daughters Of the
American Revolution.
You see, I've discovered they
don't care anything about us
abroad. Except when we are
good spenders or support in
time of trouble.
In the ship Of European re-
laitons, the United States
doesn't travel first class.
In Europe, everywhere, an
American belongs in the tourist
class.
I give three cheers that the
United States is not in the
League of Nations. Or the
World Court. Or any alliance
of bitter old Europe. An Amer
lean is too naive, too obvious
in the telling and acting Of lies
to cope with European diplo-
macy.
In spite of gales and the
strain of such heavy thinking,
I enjoyed the crossing" I ate
five meals every day, not in
cluding sandwiches and hors
d'oeuvres before lunch, before
dinner and before bedtime. I
saw new movies before they
were shown in washington. I
won twelve dollars at bingo.
But did not go swimming. The
water dashed from one end OF
the pool to the other as the
ship rolled, leaving a feeble
creature ankle deep at one time
and drowned at another. This
does not suit my style Of swim
ming.
Many delightful people were
on the boat. Saw Mrs. Lawrence
Stallings and all the little Stall
ings, returning to New York
after having seen Lawrence OH
for Adds Ababa.
Close to New York. Passing
Fire Island, I received a radio
gram from Phyllis, saying she
wanted to come out to meet the
ship on the pilot boat. But they
wouldn't let her, because nervous
women sometimes fall into the
sea when thy try to CLIMB
a ships rope ladder. The air
was crisp and fresh and the
sunshine unhelievably clear. So
much clearer than it was. In
London that the gloves I bought
there don't match my coat. I'VE
were now steaming slowly up
the Hudson River into the
superb harbor of New York.
The Goddess of Liberty looked
greener than she did last time
I passed her by. Maybe liberty
is characteristically unripe and
callow. 1.-The skyline OF New
York" is as unreal as an adver-
tising poster. Or the stage SET
ting made by a mad impression
istic painter. Or the pieces OF
q giants jigsaw puzzle.
Ferry boats slid across the
bow of our liner, like she wasn't
there at all. Now we were
headed toward our pier. Hun
dreds of welcoming people were
shouting Hello! Hello! Hun
dreds of unimportant faces
faded into one important face.
The ships band was playing,
"I Get A Kick Out OF YOU"
Down the gangplank We went,
picking our way. Now the Gus
toms man was saying I didn't
put my age on my declaration" !"
I protested it was my way Of
being honest. I'd sworn to my
wrong age in three countries.
You don't have to pay a duty
on age, do you?
The inspector pulled his cap
further down over one eye, took
q deep chew of gum, grinned
and said, Don't kid me, Lady"
"Dont-Kid-Me-Lady." Now I
know I am home again. Back in
the U. S. A., where every man
thinks us as o. as the next
one. And all women pretend
they are worse than they are.
-~~