Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1935-02-12
LINCOLN CREDITED
WITH BOOK OF WIT.
Though Branded Spurious,
: Rare Volume Gives
Humor of Day.
BY THOMAS r. HENRY.

In the rare-book division OF the
Library of Congress, made up mostly
of unduplicable volumes, there is one
book "by Abraham Lincoln"
It is entitled "A Legacy of Fun
and when taken from the shelves
turns out to be an English compila-
ton of jokes attributed to the Civil
War President. The book bears the
date of 1867. On the title page is
O penciled notation, spurious.
So there is no means of ascertain
ing how many of the samples OF wit
1t contains actually did originate with
Lincoln himself, and how many OF
them were bits of humor current dur
ing the Civil War period, which were
tagged on Lincoln by after-dlnner
speakers of the day.
Some of them were probably au-
thentic and the others are perhaps
fair examples of the more innocent
sort of American humor during the
bitterest hours of the Nations his
tory. A selection follows:
A delegation from temperance So
ciety called on Lincoln to ask the
dismissal of Grant for drunkenness.
"He once" said the leader, drank
- bottles of wine at a sitting
That's more than I can sWal-
low" said the President solemnly.
"How can we get cotton?" pleaded
a northern mill owner.
You must wait until the south
o.
the answer.
A New York lawyer wanted an ap-
pointment as judge.
There are only 10 judges to trans
act all the States affairs" he urged.
so you want to increase the num-
Der to 100"
How do you mean?'
''By adding cypher."
Blondin, the tight-rope walker, was
introduced at the White House. He
asked the President if he would nave
the courage to allow him to carry MN
on his back across Niagara Fails
Lincoln reflected a moment.
mo, I don't trust Europe" Cyour
rope), he said finally.
Why" asked Lincoln once, SIS a
man who tells stale jokes like STOCK
jobber?"
because he deals in fun dead
(funded) property
A Quaker farmer in Illinois asked
him:
"Canst thou tell me how to protect
my cider barrel in my back yard? My
neighbors tap it of nights"
Certainly" replied Lincoln. Keep
barrel full of fine old Madeira be-
side it, and I'll warrant they'll never
bother it again.
A one-legged Army officer called
at the White House.
Your fighting has been expensive
to you," said Lincoln.
What do you mean?"
at has cost you a legacy" deg,
see).
When the battleship Merrimac was
put into service. Lincoln said:
That's a strange name. 1t was
built to make mourning, not to make
merry"
an wartime" said Secretary Chase,
Americans must be economical ano
live under their incomes"
How can they do that" said Lin
coin, when they have no other al
tentative but to live on them"
why is the northern army like
the post Office in Washington" he
asked, and answered his own riddle:
Because it is made of columns
wings and squares, and judging from
the past it probably is doomed
(domed)."
He received a report that north
ern general had been captured by
the Confederates at Fairfax Court
house.
Il don't mind losing a general" he
said. because l can make a much
better one in five minutes. But this
fellows horse was captured. too. /
can't make horse, and they cost
S125 each"
He was told the Pennsylvania coal
miners were resisting war service.
Il can't expect minors to fight" he
said. But let's make them majors
and then they won't have to-"
"For a military man" he was asked