Evening star., 1935-10-27
DAVY CROCKETT'S OWN STORY
Told Nowhere More Fascnatngy Than in the Almanac
Published by His Descendants Few Copies of Which
Are in Library of Congress -Humor Lives

you will choke me with youEaloxe.'
AT last the bear began - kAtch
and he bawled right oue nike a carr
that has lost its muther. Then Zipsy
went up behind the bear and stuck a
knife into its side and the varmint
tumbled down, but the young spark
didn't see her and he run orr with
q bloody shirt and his coat torn OF
him.
HE never cum back to our place
agin and he told his akwaintances all
along the Massissippy never to 60 up
into our parts accounting, for the gals
up there loved so hard that they wud
have squeezed his lungs out If he
hadn't got away from there"
THEY didn't like Yankees" down
= there in the Wilderness. because
the New Englanders were 90 sharp
for them. One of this hated breed
opened saloon in Davy's territory
while he was away in Washington,
serving as a member of Cn0gress.
The saloon keeper became involved
in a lawsuit. None of the frontier
lawyers would serve A& his attorney.
The client was too uelopular.
Back came Crochet from Wash
ington. The saloon keeper appealed
to him. He took the case as q mat
ter of abstract jnstice. Court was
held in clearing His opponent was
one Ephraim Gr1a<ell, hardly more
popular than thu Yankee himself.
Words soon were exhausted. They
decided to dispense with the'law and
settle the macter in good old
fashioned way-a gouging and biting
match.
As Davy describes it:
He gritted his teeth and poked out
his tongue at me about six inches.
With that I :elled him I was
pickax and would dig him out Of his
stump. Then I telled him my gizzard
was a wasp's nest and breathed rife
balls.
He telled me he could double up a
streak of litning and thrash me with
one end of 1t.
Then I was peSky Uneasy and spit
at him so hard that if he hadn't
doged it he'd have had his knows
knocked fiat.
He came at me feet foremost and
caught his CRATE toe In my mouth,
but the nail came on, very lucky for
him, and he got his toe back again.
But whilst he was bringing his
foot to the ground I caught the slack
of his breeches in my teeth and lifted
him up in the air swinging like a
scale beam. But his trousers tore
through IN a minute and he cum
down sprawling.
He jumped up speechless. He seed
was Jest ready to lay my paw on
him again. He turned pale and telled
the people that was looking on how
they had better interfere as he was
afeared he wud be the death Of me
If We come to scratch again.
IT TELLED the lying sarpent to own
her war drawed up or I would
make fiddle string Of his tripe. So
he squatted low and felt mean. He
sneaked of like an injun in a clear
! ing"
Thus the Yankee saloon keepers
ex-Congressman advocate won his
case for him. But then the victor
turned on his client:
Now tell you as a friend, and my
names Davy Crockett, that you'd bet
ter make tracks out of this clearing
as fast as dry dust in a thunder squall.
For ] only pied yur case bekase the
other varmint was a streak or two
meaner than you. But you are mean
enuf to put the sun to eclipse"
And" he concludes, that war the
last seen Of him in these parts"
He engaged in many a fight of this
sort. One Of the funniest, as he sup
posedly relates in the first person In
the 1888 almanac. follows:
"One day as I was setting in the
stern of my broadhorn. the old Free
and Easy. on the Massissippy. taking
horn of midshipman's grog with
a tin pot in each hand, first
draught Of whiskey and then one Of
river water, who should float down
past me but Joe Snag.
He was in a snooze, as fast as q
church, with his mouth wide open.
He had been ramsquaddled with
shikey for a fortnight and as it
evaporated from his body it looked
like steam from a vent pipe. Knowing
the feller would be damned hard to
wake as he floated past me. I hit him
a crack over his knob with my big
steering oar.
He walked in a laundering rage.
Says he:
Halloe. stranger; who axed you
to- crack my hce?'
"Sez I: 'Shet up your mouth or
your teeth will get sunburnt.'
Upon this he crooked up his neck
and neighed like stallion. I clapped
my arms and crowed like a cock.
Says he: If you are a game
chicken I'll pick all the pin-feathers
offn' you
as 10 days. Sez 1: I want none
O. your chin music. but set your
knuckles on land and I'll give you q
severe liking
THE fellow now jumped ashore and
he war so tall he cudn't tell when
his feet war cold. He jumped up .
rod. Sez he:
Take kare how lite on YOU
LIE GIVE me q sockdologer that
made my very liver and lites
turn to jelly. But he had found real
scrouger. broke three of his ribs
and he knocked out five of my teeth
and one eye. I finally got q bite
holt on his leg cposterious' In copy)
that he cud not shake on.
I'VE were now parted by some boat.
men and we were so exhausted that
it was more than q month before
either cud have q fight. It seemed
| to me like a little eternitvn