davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
By T. E. Powers

veritable miracles within the de-
partment which has to do with
his practical life, and is a citi-
zen of A. D. 1884 and not of
1893 before the birth of Christ.
He has not only been able to
make himself independent of
his environment, of climate, Of
the heat of the desert and of
the fierce blasts of tie antarc'
tic, but he has also learned to
prolong life and make the rest
of creation do his bidding.
But within the realm of his
absurd old folkways he remains
a Shiny cave-dweller. His grasp
of the world, as soon as he func-
tions as a mere citizen OF the
State or his native village, is
that of the grandfather of the
first man who learned to chip a
piece of stone 300,CJ0 years
ago. He then functions in a
social environment that would
have delighted the fish-eating
savages of a prehistoric settle
ment of pile-dWellers.
SOME CONSOLATION
And the moment you hint
that he might at least add per
cent of intelligence Of Brand
Number Two to the affairs of
the Department of Number One,
he threatens you with bodily in
suits, calls for the police, for the
fire department and for that
highly efficient department OF
immigration which guards us
against undesirable aliens and
then once in a while, just for
good measure, lets dear Brother
Hauptmann enter the country
to make our tables and chairs
for us and to bring sweetness to
his little son at Yuletide.
AS soon as I am on my feet
again I shall have to look into
this matter.
Meanwhile, as a little bit of
consolation to those who sadly
deplore that we are now in the
fifth year of the depression and
that nothing seems to have
changed very seriously for the
better, I would like to ask the
question:
would you think you could
get very far if you tried to run
the Twentieth Century Limited
by means of a team of Oxen?"
Copyright. 1894. by King Features
Syndicate. Inc.)
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

bee4 obliged to survive a million
dangers.
But today the only enemy
that impedes mans progress is
his m,.lish unwillingness to use
the brain which the Lord in his
almighty mercy has given him
for the purpose that he might
rid himself of all his enemies
and might really become the
master of his own destiny.
All that has been said before
has not done the slightest good,
and here I am saying it again,
knowing full we'll that it will not
do the slightest good.
But lying flat on my back as
a result of my own hopeless OBJ
Stinacy in refusing, to believe
that was not a little Jehovah,
I feel contrite and humble of
spirit, and at the same time a
little helpless.
QUEER FACT
For I realize that just as soon
as I shall be halfway on my
feet again, Broun will call me up
to take part in a strike. and
some philanthropic committee
in Flatbush will appeal to me
for the $500 worth of free lee
ture for the billionth needy
case, and shall forget all about
my excellent doctors advice.
And then I shall be on my
back again, pondering upon the
queer fact that a bank clerk
should have blood best fitted to
be transfused with my own,
while all the learned men of my
profession seem to belong to the
class of chimpanzee and AuStral-
ian aborigine. And that, after
all the ungrateful things have
said and written about bankers.
But to return to mankind'S in
credible stupidity; I sometimes
wonder whether it isn't part OF
the game, and whether stupidity
is not as unavoidable as sun
shine or rain. Utopia is as old
as Paradise Lost.
Sometimes, for a few short
decades, it looked as though in
telligence had actually con-
quered stupidity, but in the end'
with a fine flourish of trumpets,
the assembled hordes of igno-
rance had always crashed tri-
umphantly through the phalanx
of the bright and eager boys
who hoped to make this vale OF
tears something better than a
mere dog el-and every
thing had been as it always has
been before.
To be perfectly candid, 1t
almost appears to me that man
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

that has been hanging around
in your house for years, and
treat it with infra-red rays, and
you can tell whether or not it
is a fake. If it is, just raise
the merry dickens. If it isn't,
put it back on the wall and for.
get it again.
What the infra-red rays do
to a painting is to show what's
underneath. Lots of So-called
Old Masters have been painted
on top of other paintings, and
probably lots of other paintings
have been painted on top of
Old Masters, although the idea
is not a very pleasant one.
How would you like to have
an infra-red photograph taken
of you in your immaculate eve
ming clothes and, when the
proofs are sent around, see that
you we're just a whited sepul-
chre, covered from head to foot
with tattoc:ngs of serpents and
the collier Fleetwood" with
From Annie to Phil" written
across your collar-bone. Not
very much, fancy!
The old-fashioned X-ray was
bad enough. That showed what
things you had swallowed, in the
line of trinkets and nails. 1t also
disclosed any little oddments of
armament that you might have
in your pockets, and brought
out your garterS into pretty
sharp relief.
But now we have got to face
inquiring photographers with in.
fra-red cameras who want to see
whether we are genuine Old
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
Our Consistent Communists
Their Logic Is Hard to Grasp

Communists in America who overthrow our Govern
ment should be interested in the execution of nonon
muns Russia who wanted overthrow the Soviet govern
ment.
Such summary methods toward those who disagree with
established order not in favor here.
The American system allows anyone say-and do-pretty
much what he pleases.
much pleases For that matter MAKES
him sav-and do-what the government pleases.
We don't advocate Communist treatment for the 900
Communists in this country whatever number may be-
It would be little drastic
And curousv enough have heard the rabd
American disciple of Lenin advocate it either.
That is article of the Communist faith that the
reddest Red loses his enthusiasm for WHEN 1T APPLIES
HIM
But of course great minds cannot always be consistent
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
Listen, World!
By Elsie Robinson

upon each other with utter dis.
regard for each others rights,
using the most cruel and de-
grading devices to gain their
ends.
These devices, some of which
I have described (many of
which I wouldn't be permitted
to printD are obviously unfair,
dishonest and indecent. If COM
parable tactics were employed
in any business association, the
offender would be Immediately
rated as criminal or insane and
promptly given the air - or 80
days.
But since they occur in mar
riage they are held to be abso-
lutely justified.
We not only condone them
but actually expect them, and
rather despise the dumb ones"
who don't employ them. They
are part of our accepted tech
nique of marriage in America
and they are all rooted in the
ancient theory that "everything
is fair in love or war"
BUT IS IT?
If there is any act of our
lives which should be voluntary
it would seem to be love. Yet
there is actually no department
of life in which human beings
are permitted both by law
and public opinion - to take
and maintain such cruel ad-
vantage of each other! There
is no situation in which trick.
cry and intimidation are so
abominable as in marriage, or
so commonly and ShameleSSly
employed!
RESPONSIBLE
Obviously, men and women
she lid be required to make a de.
cent record of their mating for
the sake of society, and should
be held firmly and mutually re-
SponSible for the welfare of their
children.
BIT THE MERE DESIRE
FOR SEPARATION SHOULD
BE SUFFICIENT UND
FOR ANY DIVORCE.
And the man or woman who
blackmails or bullies a partner
either before, during or after
marriage, should be regarded ex-
-.ctly as we would regard any
other savage, dangerous beast.
P. S.-Yes, Al, you have my
permission to clip this and send
it to the wife. Provided, OF
course, that she doesn't beat
you to it and send it first to
you!
Copyright. 1894. by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

I know NINE middle-aged
wives who are holding their
husbands by threatening to
take poison. drown themselves
or Jump from 10-story windows
if the husbands attempt a sep
aration.
I know INNUMERABLE
jealous wives who prevent their
husbands from enjoying any
of the privileges or privacieS
which were theirs as bachelors
such as a solo vacation or
reading the sport sheet after
dinner-by tears, tantrums and
threats of Going Home to
Mama or Getting Sick Head
ache. And an equal number OF
Jealous Husbands who practi-
cally keep their wives in soli-
tary confinement by a mig
gardly doling out of nlckels.
Are these amazing facts true?
They are. How'd l get them?
In my work as a columnlSt,
through confidential communl.
cations, verified by evidence.
IN BAD WAY
American marriage, as you
have heard, is in bad way.
How bad only priests, doctors,
COPS and columnists know. A
large percentage of our unions
head for the divorce court
within a few months. And it is
a conservative estimate that at
least so per cent of those who
remain welded" do so because
of the tactics described above.
AS a consequence there exists
beneath our seeming civiliza-
ton a world of inconceivable
dislike, suspicion, resentment
and hate, in which men and
women wage continual war
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
The Greatest Show
On Earth
By John Snure, T.

EnetO to be Wrong 1Uith the lat
ter organization.
Into PurdOn'S place steps
John Dean Milligan, newspaper
man who wrote a concise and
accurate account of the opera
ton of the housing law.
1t was SO explanatory that
members of Congress who had
voted for the law called Milligan
to learn its fine points, long
after it had been put into effect.
Back and forth in front of
Washington's bakeries and foun-
tain shops on recent cold day
walked a parade of picketers.
Ragged and not appearing
overly fed, they carried placards
that bore signs informing the
public that the shop was unfair
to organized labor.
The day was cold. The picket
ers were cold. They looked hun.
CRY and were hungry.
Some kind soul in the shop
hung out sign recommending
the shops daily special"
The recommendation was for
a picket Sundae."
Washi n G ton correspondents
who are likely to take them.
selves very seriously are laugh
ing this week at a pertinent les
son which has been taught to
them all through Sir WilmOtt
Lewis, Washington correspond
ent of the London Times.
Sir Willmott Bill, he is
known at the National Press
Club was the subject of a
very highbroW piece on foreign
correspondents. international
experts and the like, written by
Ray Tucker in a weekly maya
zine.
1t drew a fine picture of Sir
Willmott Lewis as an authority
on world affairs-and so he is.
But tucked dWdy down in the
piece 1OaS little paragraph re-
Uedling the fact that Sir Will
mott is q good card player and
likes to hang out in the card
room of the National Press
Club.
About a week after the piece
was printed, Sir Willmott re-
ceived a letter from away up
in the Wilds of the Maine
woods. 1t was from an old-time
Woodsman who had read Ray
fuckers piece and wanted to
comment on it. And his COM
ment was not at all on the
international phases of Sir
Willmott's prowess-not at all.
The old trapper had been
captivated by the fact that the
subject of the Tucker article is
a good poker player. So he
wrote:
thine hangs heavy on our
hands up here we like to
play cards, too. DO YOU
THINK YOU COULD FIND AN
OLD SET OF POKER CHIPS
DOWN THERE AND SEND 1T
TO US ?"
BY this time the old trapper
is in receipt of one of the best
set of worries that Bill Lewis
could ouy.
Copyright, 1884. The WASHINGTON Times,
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
Are You an Old Master?
By Robert BenchLey

What won't they do with
infra-red rays next? Or first
what HAVE they done with
infra-red rays? Or, better yet
what ARE infra-red rays?
CMercy me-is this mans curl
osity insatiable?)
The latest thing that they
have announced as being sus-
ceptible to infra-red ray treat
ment is fake painting. Take
the Old Master, called "Old
Woman With Dour Expression"
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

Masters or not. That suit OF long
underwear that you sneak on
when the weather gets cold, that
electric health belt that you
thought might throw little
more pep into your stride, those
built-up shoulders that lend the
military air to your carriage
all these will be an open book
to the Paul Prys of Science.
There is one comfort. The
infra-red people will take a long
time to get around to us with
their cameras. They aren't in
terested in Poor Little You and
Poor Little Me. We could go
about painted a bright red url-
derneath and nobody would ever
know the difference, provided
we lead the kind of lives we are
supposed to live.
All the time I am reading OF
new discoveries of science,
emanations from tinfoil which
are going to show up subcon-
scious thoughts, invisible smoke
from silver nitrate which is 60
ing to revolutionize crime detec-
ton rays, from rotting apples
which are going to make it pos
sible to make anyone invisible
except for his belt-buckle, and
all kinds of awful descriptions OF
what 1 like to think of as my
daily life.
But they never seem to i'm
pinge on me in the end. I plod
along unnoticed, and no scientist
will even talk to me, much less
work his miracles on me. I
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

no more ap- John II. Fahey
plications for loans came as a
distinct surprise to most sec
tions of the United States.
Although Congress had ap-
propriated approximately S3,-
OOO,OOO,OOO in order that loans
might be made, numerous tech
nicalitieS in the law prohibited
some owners from securing re-
financing.
Worthy cases we're rejected in
many instances because of rules
and regulations.
Persons who were in doubt as
to their applications failed to
come within the deadline. and
consequently were prevented
from making requests.
The cry for a continuance of
the corporation business has
been one of the loudest appeals
to fall on the ears of members
of Congress this summer.
While it is true that there
haze been thousands of CON-
plants, it is also true that
there has been Evidence of
satisfaction in the majority OF
cases.
Some Congressional action
may be taken to alter the law
SO as to eliminate the restrictive
technicalities but at any rate
it is almost an assured fact
that more money will be given
the HOLC as soon as Congress
finds it possible.
Capt. R. L. Purdon, special
assistant to Housing Admins
traitor James A. Moffett and
the man who had much to do
with the organization of person
mel as we'll as being trouble
shooter" for the FILA, has re-
signed to become an executive
of a big coal corporation.
Purdon was named to the
FHA after a rather strenuous
career in the Government i1-
cluding a siege at the Bureau
of Foreign and Domestic Conn.,
merce and the Agricultural Ad-
justment Administration, Which
he left because he had the
temerity to tell some high
minded brain truSterS What he
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

kind has two sets of brains.
One of those he applies to the
social and economic and reli-
gious problems of the day, to
those problems which might
be called the folk ways.
The second part of his brain
takes care of all the rest; of his
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

them by ma
n e u v e ri ng
them in t o
compromising
positions.
I k n o W
ELEVEN big,
braWny bride
grooms who
won t h Ell r
bri d es by
blubbering all
over the place
and threat
ening to Go
To The Dogs
if the gal
didn't S a y
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

never even get on offer for a
hay-fever cure. I don't expect
ever to have an infra-red pho
tographer so much as ask me
to take my hat off.
This is o. K. with me. I don't
want to be subjected to any
thing more than I am subjected
to already. If I am not a
genuine Old Master I don't
even want to know about it.
It's too late to do anything
about it now.
Copyright. 1894, by King Features
Syndicate, InC.)
Articles By Robert Benchley
appear each Monday, WedneS-
day and Thursday.
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

and p u n y
savage on the
face of our
planet and he
always o C C u
pied a most
pre- c a ri o u S
and perilous
position.
Surrounded
by S a b e r.
toothed tigers
a n d S a b e r.
too t h e d mi
crobes, 81 a.
ci RS, volca-
noes and tidal
waves, he has
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

daily existence, of his science,
of his music, of his agriculture
and of the technical end of his
industrial development.
BY some curious alchemy of
the mind which I have never
been quite able to understand,
he has been able to perform
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

House are be-
ing besieg I'd
by requests to
m a k e haSty
prov Isl o n so
t h a t h o m e
owners m a Y
again apply
for loans from
the corpora
ton.
T h e a n
n o unCennent,
some w e e k S
ago, that the
H. o. L. C..
would receive
no more ap-
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

A deluge Of pressure is being
exerted on members of Congress
to vote additional appropria.
tiOnS to insure continuance of
the Home Owners Loan Corpora
ton.
Incumbents and newly elected
members of the Senate and
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
Wise Words

He wrongs me not so much
who steals my money as he who
steals my time: for the money
may be restored, but time lost is
gone forever.
The mouth of the wise man
is like money box which is sell
dom opened.
Doing good to serve ones ends
is serving God for dividends.
A good man defending sin
needs a better to defend him.
If you trust before you try,
you may repent before you die.
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
III T Stupidity Unavoidable As
w I1C1u Vd1 AOOH Sunshine

The human race has but one
single enemy and that is its own
stupidity. Man is but a weak
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

it and bury escapes from the grave and back
to haunt an already TAxHARAssED COMMUNITY.
Senator William H King of Utah. chairman of the Senate
District Committee playing the part of revive
chief for this proposal for years.
He is good doctor and has managed to reuvenate the
suggestion half times the latest being when he went
to the White House and announced from its steps that ne was
ready to give dose of monkey glands and rot it
out for another try.
Neither Senator King nor any advocate this propo
sition has EVER BEEN ABLE TO SHOW WASHINGTON
THAT IT NEEDS NEW TAX that, if it does need a
new tax why it should follow the lines of imposition
which has been nationally discredited.
Kings argument at the White House in favor *
this just about strong those that have been made
elsewhere He says ought to have income tax here be-
cause the folks out in Utah have State income tax.
That argument doesn't impress much and it doesnt t
alter the fact that Washington DOESN'T NEED SUCH A
TAX.
The Senator also advances the argument that ought
have income tax here because have tax intangible
property which doesn raise whole lot of
He says might substitute the income tax for the in
tangible property tax.
Well we hope Congress never anything DECEITFUL
that
In the first place such substution" wouldn't be sub
stitution in fact. It would be an ADDITIONAL TAX.
And in the second place the income tax wouldn't be paid
by those who pay (or supposed to pay) the in
tangible tax The tax intangible property was enacted
to make those who WEALTHY just proportion of
the expenses of the community.
The income tax wouldn't reach those folks. Anyone who
doubts that should read the record of EVASION THE
FEDERAL INCOME TAX BY THE BIG FELLOWS
The income wouldn't reach the very poor folks either
They would avoid it while the wealthy evading it.
But the income tax would reach and would bear most
heavily upon the PERSON OF AVERAGE CIRCUMSTANCES
THE SALARY WORKER AND THE PROFESSIONAL MAN
the types that right having the hardest struggle
keep afloat financially
We hope nobody has such foolish idea that the pro-
posed income would help the homeowner the home
buyer by reducing the tax real estate.
Some of its proponents say that will but when they
they fly in the face of the record of Congress.
Congress doesn't the real estate here reduced
On the contrary shows strong inclination insist
it be increased.
The local income tax it should be enacted would simply
be additional mpost upon those who carrying
the tax burden of the community and who can't afford
pay more.
The Washington times., 1934-12-10

Is ''AII Fair in Love and
War;?
I know SEVEN charming
brides who blackmailed their
bridegroomS into marrying
The Washington times., 1934-12-10
That Income Tax Again
It Won't STAY Dead

That District income proposal has many lives as the
has
No sooner do its apparent injustice and obvious faults kill
It and bury than escapes the grave back
to haunt an already TAXHARAssED COMMUNITY.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-09-04

The first new crop Thompson
seedless grapes picked in Kings
county tested "a percent sugar.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-09-04
CAME TONIGHT
MAY FINISH
BALL SEASON

Opening what might be the last
week of competition in the local
nightball league, Cramer's Bakers
and the Studebakers will meet on
Wilson school field tonight. A win
for the former will give them sec
ond round honors without any
doubt and will make it Unnecessary
to complete the scheduled games for
next week.
Tomorrow night the local ALI
Stars will meet the Brawley ALI
Stars in Brawley and there will be
no game here. The schedule calls
for a game between the Golden
State and Fat Boys teams but this
game has been automatically for
feited to the Maggie team giving
them a further boost in the win
column. Thursday night the Coca
Colas and Cox Brothers teams will
play.
No definite date has as yet been
set for the playoff between the
Studebakers who won the first half
championship and the winners Of
the second half. 1t was stated this
morning that this might take place
next week or be postponed still an
other week. much depending on the
outcome of tonight's game.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-09-04
GOMEZ ADDS
TO HIS WINS

NEW YORK, Sept. 4. UP) :
Lefty" Gomez gave the Yankees
start yesterday by winning his oath
victory of the year, lit, helped out
by Babe Ruth's homer. The Yanks
declined to profit by the lesson and
lost the second one, 1913. Detroit
was idle at Chicago. Detroit's league
lead was 5h games.
Cleveland kept a tight hold on
third place, beating st. Louis twice
9-5 and Ga.
Boston got half a doubleheader
off Washington, 6-3, and then had
to stage a two run rally in the
eighth to gain an even break in the
second game, "A, before rain wash
ed them out in the eighth.
st. Louis took a disastrous double
walloping from Pittsburgh, drop
ping the Cards into a tie with Chi
cago in the National league, six
games behind the giants. The Pi-
rates won, 1872, and 6-5.
Chicago likewise lost its oppor-
tunity to gain game on the Giants
getting no better than an even split
with Cincinnati. Gabby Hartnett's
homer paved the way to victory in
the first, 6-3, but the Reds wiped
out a four-run lead in the seventh
inning of the nightcap and won
ga.
| Boston tackled a double licking or
| the Brooklyn Dodgers. 10 and Az
| New York and Philadelphia were
rained out.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-09-04
PACIFIC COAST
LEAGUE GAMES
BY United Press

The two pitchers in Pacific coast
league ranks believed most certain
to graduate to the major leagues
are Fay Thomas of Los Angeles
and Leroy Hermann OF San Fran
cisco, tied today at "a victories
each.
Thomas, former U. S. footballer,
has been the mainstay of the pow
erful team all season. Hermann
is filling a similar role with a
club which is uncertain at bat and
unsteady in the field.
The SSn Francisco moundsman
won his oath game yesterday when
the Seals defeated Hollywood twice
in the holiday double bill. Ed
Stutz pitched the opener for the
Seals and blanked the Stars for a
40 win. Hermann worked the
second game and won easily, So.
The Seals took the series, six games
to three.
Portland also was a double WIN
ner, defeating Sacramento, 81 and
3D.. Jack Wilson gave only three
hits to capture the first game.
Caster. who has been reported sold
to major league team, allowed