The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-09-28
Crins and Bitters

he DGS1 oLOl ~
out of Saratoga Springs this
year deals with two we'll
known race track characters
who have been around for
many years. For purposes
of clarity, we'll call one man
Joe and the other man
Frank.
It was about 9 o'clock one
morning that Joe rolled up IN
his dilapidated flivver and asked
Frank to accompany him to q
nearby town.
"I've got to see a fellow in
Amsterdam" he said, land I'd
like company on the drive.
Come on along. It's only hall
an hour, and We'll be back IN
plenty Of time for the track"
With nothing better to do at
the moment, Frank climbed
into the ancient machine.
Don't see much sense in
this" he grumbled, "but If you
want company, it's okay with
me. Go ahead"
Well, instead of the drive last
ing half an hour, it took almost
three hours to complete the
journey. The car was in hor-
rible shape. It shook, jumped,
blew a tire, leaked gas, spouted
oil and shimmied all over the
place. BY the time they reached
their destination, Frank was
on the verge of being a nervous
wreck.
IT knew shouldn't have
come" he cried. Nov the least
you can do is to see this guy
and get ne back in time for the
races. 1 was nuts for getting
into that rattletrap with you
in the first place"
To add insult to injury, Joe
couldn't find the man for whom
he was looking. They trailed
him from bar to bar, and from
cafe to cafe. Wherever they
went, Joe held a lengthy con-
versation with the proprietor.
But there was no sign of the
man he wanted.
BY this time, Frank was hys-
terical.
New, We'll never get back in
time" he howled as they stepped
out of the last cafe. 1--WE wasted
my entire day on this dumb trip
of yours. I'm good and sore,
dammit. I"
He stopped suddenly. For, di.
rectly across the way, there was
a most unusual sight. A tall,
skinny man was winding up and
pitching vigorously - but he
wasn't rowing anything!
Around and around went his
right arm. Up in the air. Snap.
He pitched. But there was no
ball, no object of any kind in his
hand.
my Gawd," breathed Joe.
what do you suppose he's do
ing?"
At that moment the cafe pro-
prietor joined them on the side
walk. He looked across the
street and smiled.
Pinch DRINK
That's old Badly" he ex-
planned. used to be an old ball
player, and went batty right in
the middle of his career. Now,
like a punch-drunk pug shadow
boxes, this guy pitches. He's
harmless-but he keeps pitching
nothing all day long"
Frank nodded. He stepped
out to cross the street.
"Hey! said Joe. Where are
you going?"
Frank turned.
Listen" he growled. "For no
reason, I rode three hours in
your bum car. For no reason,
I've been chasing all over this
burgh with you. For no reason,
I've missed the races. Now you
know what I'm gonna do?"
'What?" asked Joe.
Frank motioned to the daffy
pitcher across the way.
I'm going over" he muttered,
"and catch for him!"
The enterprising publicity
firm of Lachmann and Proser is
handling the publicity for two
filters who contemplate a non
stop flight to Rome within a
short time. Their ship was to
be christened last Tuesday at
Floyd Bennett Field, and Monte
Proser informed all the city and
picture editors of the big event.
When he reached the field,
Proser was highly elated. The
place was crowded with photog-
raphers and reporters of every
size and description. The pub
licity man swelled with pride,
went through his various tasks
and then raced back to New
York with the big news. He had
been given the best break that
a publicity man had ever re-
ceived.
It wasn't until a few hours
later that Proser learned the
truth. The reporters and pho
tographers hadn't gathered for
him at all. They had come to
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