The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1934-05-03

IIlllAhAAiS OlihD
he loves her. He couldn't love her
and be to me what he is.
He admits he doesn't want 70
hurt her. Do you think he is do
ing wrong? Do you think he
should tie himself down to her
still, after waiting two years? If
she ever gets out he assures me
he will stay with me, and 1 can't
hardly help from believing him.
Do you think he would go back
with her. and am I doing right by
continuing to go on with him?
We have lots of arguments be-
cause of her. Outside of that we
have no trouble and certainly en-
Joy being together. He is 80 and
I am o. What should I do? I'm
almost frantic sometimes. l can't
stand the strain on me. Please
advise me somehow, whichever
way you think I should turn.
Answer do not feel capable Of
passing on the rights or wrongs of
your situation. 1t is one of those
dilemmas concocted by life for which
nobody seems to be to blame, least
Of all the poor, sick wife.
To the puritanical mind the hus-
band should have borne up under
the deprivations his wife's illness
placed upon him. He should have
meekly accepted ceaseless loneliness,
anxiety, and the pressure of inter
rupted habits without batting an
eyelash. But since he was only a
human being after all and not a
saint, what is more natural than
that the flesh should yearn for the
comfort of contact with a healthy,
vibrant woman again?
With perfect logic he could argue
that an interlude with some other
would tide him over the lonely
period of waiting for his wife's re-
turn. The males gift for lightnesS
in love, embraced tonight, re-
nounced tomorrow, made a tenn
porary affair, mercifully concealed
from the wife, seem like a sensible
solution.
Unfortunately he reckoned with
out woman's poSsesSiveness in love,
without her instructive demand for
permanence. her habit of loving
with every part of her being instead
of her flesh alone. Touched by
your devotion, grateful for your
tenderness, he found himself more
involved than he originally intend
ed. Of course he fell IN love. But
what of the sick woman in the
sanitarium? You have taken away
the light of her life when she was
unable to compete with you. Do you
owe her no apology, no sacrifice of
yourself for her loss?
1 do not agree with you that her
husband could not love her and be
to you what he is. You do not know
men. Loving you both, not wishing
to hurt either, do you have no pity
for his dilemma? Would you choose
that he jeopardize his wife's re-
covery by striking out everything
that makes recovery worth while?
Could you respect him yourself, or
ever trust the decency OF his feel
ings again after such an inhumane
ace? I think not.
Perhaps, if the man had an in
tense, passionate attachment for
his wife, it would have held him
steady. If she had been a vivid,
arresting personality, even her ILL
ness and absence might not have
dimmed her influence. But such
unions are all too rare. We human
beings have spent too many years
in falling in love with ourselves to
be able to fall so completely in
love with another.
What the solution to your prob
lem is, I do not know. A woman
who risks giving herself to mar
ried man should respect his obllga-
tons and be prepared to give up if
decency makes it imperative. / do
not criticise your affair with the
man at all, but only your lack OF
craftsmanship toward the wife. If
you voluntarily accept a situation in
which you have no rights, it follows
that you must not complain because
no rights are there.
Il
Dear Jane Jordan-1 am II and
my boy friend is "a. We have
been going together for almost
a year steady. I love him and
he says he loves me. want to
get married but I'm not so sure
about him. Once he said I was
too young, but now he says he
has changed his mind about that.
When he does mention mar
riage he says it in joking way,
and when I joke back it makes
him angry. I never know when
to take him seriously. Do you
think I am wasting my time?
DOUBTFUL.
Answer don't know whether
you're wasting your time or not.
Few Young men start a love affair