davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29
Il Bas, Chanticleer:'
Bv Robert Benchley

sent my antagonist topping 10
one side in surprise and chagrin.
The battle was on!
Every time he crowed, I
would crow back, going him one
better. Once even carried the
fight into his own territory and
crowed first. This sent him into
a fever of inferiority, believe 1t
or not. The Cock of the Walk,
befuddled, confused and in a
tantrum of futility! 1t was worth
behaving like Emil Jannings in
THE Blue Angel" to see.
The hens took it rather hard.
Not only were they being terri
fled personally Il saw to that,
in my odd moments) but their
hero was being Knocked, ridi-
culed and outplayed at his
own game. They ran to and
fro in despair, but 1 was not
to be put off by any conSid"
erations of chivalry. I even did
a few hen cackles to put
them in their places. It was
a complete rout in favor OF
the forces of law and order.
It was not long before I
waited in vain for a "cock-a'
doodle-do" to set me off into
my own. The rooster was
licked, and he knew it. A few
hens were still loyal to him.
and tried to curry favor by
running back to him and say.
ing THE mans drunk! Pay
no attention to him" But I
wasn't drunk, unless it was
with power, and the Old Devil
knew it.
So, still in the tops Of my
pajamas, made my triumphal
entry back into the guest
house and took a well-de'
served nap, with no sound
from the hen-yard except a
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29
What Britain Hopes to Gain
By lanes T. Williams, Jr.

Only one hundred and thirty
ships were built by the United
States during the same period,
of one million one hundred
thousand tons.
In other words during and
since 1921 the British have built
A per cent of the total new
construction throughout the
world and the United States has
built less than Z per cent Of
that total.
Nor is that the whole story.
In the period when the British
were building one thousand and
seventy ships they helped to
increase the merchant shipping
Of Japan, Greece, Italy and
other foreign competitors of the
United States by selling to them
four million seven hundred thou
sand tons of merchant ships,
while the United States reduced
the worlds total by scrapping
three million tons of ships, many
of which were far from being
obsolete.
In view of these figures it Is
hard to see on what ground the
British board of trade can
argue that the United States is
so largely to blame for the over
production of merchant shipping.
Would Be Foolish
The truth is that the British
board of trade sees other ma
tions led by the United States
building up their own mer-
chant marines and thereby
challenging British domination
of the worlds trade. BY get
ting the United States and her
other competitors into a con-
ference to abolish or limit gov
ernmental aid to shipping the
British hope to stop the eX-
pansion of the American Mer-
chant Marine before it attains
the strength fixed by the Amer
lean Congress- merchant ma
rine large enough to carry the
greater part of American trade
in American ships.
Every time the United States
enters an international confer
ence, whether on economic or
defense affairs the American
: people know from long expert
ence that they lose.
To enter a British organized
conference to limit Federal aid
to American shipping would
seem to be the most foolish
move that the Roosevelt Ad-
ministration could now make in
the field of foreign affairs.
copyright, 1894. The Washington Times)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

Dan Cupid got the drop on this
woman-hater and shot him
through and through.
The Princess Lakanita, daugh-
ter of the native king and a
Spanish half-breed wife, fell
head over heels in love with the
tall, red-haired, blue-eyed Amer
lean. But he was still off wom-
en-, still sore from the jilting he
got back in Illinois.
So he drifted on, but before
he went he made a pledge to
the love-sick princess. He gave
her his solemn word that if her
life was ever in danger he would
return to stand by her side, no
matter where he happened to
be. Then he faded out into the
purple horizon, while Lakanita,
with tear-dimmed eyes, watched
his sails vanish over the rim
of her world.
Months later as Ed Thomp-
son, of Albion, ILL.,, lounged in
pajamas on the deck of a trad
ing schooner, a canoe ranged
alongside. A native paddleman
stood up and called for the
white man with the blue eyes.
Young Thompson looked over
the rail and recognized one Of
the Six-foot retainers of the
King and the princess. A re-
bellion had broken out in Mai
keva. Lakanita and her father,
with a handful Of loyal spear
men, were holding off the rebels,
but pretty nearly at the end of
their string. So she had sent a
messenger to implore her blue
eyed white man to remember
his pledge.
That night Ed Thompson
headed the little schooner to-
ward Naikeva. He made his
landfall in the nick of time. He
went into the fight with rum
ming jump and rifle, and when
he got through there wasn't
any more rebellion, and most of
the rebels had ceased to take
any interest in Naikeva politics.
But the old King had been
killed, and Ed Thompson him.
self had been Speared through
the side.
He lay for months, suffering
from his wound and with tropi-
cal fever, and Lakanita nursed
him tenderly. And under the
incredible stars and the blaz-
ing southern cross he forgot all
about his hatred for women and
fell madly in love with the dusky
princess.
And when she asked him to
marry her and be King of Mai
keva, Ed Thompson grinned,
kissed the lady with a reSound-
ing smack and said 20. K.
Lakanita." And so they were
married, and according to the
annals of the South Seas, where
many strange things happen,
lived happily ever &fterward.
Copyright. 1894. by King Features
Syndicate. 1nc.)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

the Lord of the Barnyard need
no longer also be the Lord OF
the Bedroom, and that a man.
by striking out with some spirit,
can meet a rooster in single
combat, and win.
Returning home late from a
Grange meeting, I was shown
to the guest-room, which, as IL
turned out, was AUDITING Cne
poultry reservation. I had
barely found my pillow Git was
a small one and easily loSt
and closed my eyes (also small
and easily LOST when Sir Roos'
ter began to put on his act.
Observation-Disclosures" is the way
it is printed, but that Is a
euphemiSm.
At first, thought Athat the
bird was in bed with me, but,
after a careful paving with my
hands and feet, I decided that
he was outside. It then became
a matter for direct action on
my part. With a determination
which seldom display in crises.
1 got out of bed and, putting
on the tops of my pajamaS, went
out into the hen yard.
I took my stand by the wire
enclosure and waited. Several
of the hens paid me the cour-
tesy of a glance, but the rooster
was gathering himself for an
other onslaught at the silences,
and did not see me. I was calm.
ness itself.
Then it came-a rousing,
throaty crow, which he doubt
less thought was causing me to
writhe on my couch inside the
guest house. did not leave
him long in his FOOLS paradise.
I answered him with a louder
and throatier crow, which prac-
tically tore my tonsils from
their mornings, but which also
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

thought on its oUn DdcGt1on
problems.
Shortly after the economic
crash, when business slashed
salaries, the chamber also made
reductions. It was first sug-
gested that the salaries of execu-
tives drawing from $4,000 to
$4,000 be Topped.
The executives demurred, said
it would be unfair, and applied
a Is per cent cut to all salaries,
including those of small-salaried
clerks.
The next move was to cut va
cations. The vacations of lesser
employees, who received two
weeks leave, were cut to one
week.
Executives Who received 80
days le1De, hOWeUer, cut their
time oft to 20 days.
With business on the increase.
they want that important day OF
holiday restored.
Representative Jim McClintic,
the Oklahoma grocery salesman.
who was defeated in recent
primaries, was in town the other
day.
UnheraIded, he arrived to pack
his belongings and leave town.
1t was a sad trip for Jim.
AS he walked the corridors of
the House Office Building for
the last time, he probably re-
membered a scene in the same
corridors a few months before.
Jim UdS chairman of the
patronage committee after the
Democrats took office.
With little tolerance, no notice
and slight judicial feeling, he
ordered Republican employees
swept from the rolls. Some
pleaded and cajoled, but the
patronage committee was ada
mant.
So, somewhat more than a
year later, Jim walked in to get
his belongings and leave for
home.
The Oklahoma voters had
done for him as he did for the
Republican employees.
Copyright, 1894, The Washington
Times)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

1t will be a sorry day for the
American Merchant Marine if
the internationalists around the
President persuade him to en-
ter an international conference
for the limitation and reduc-
ton of merchant shipping for
which the British board of
trade is calling.
The purpose of such a con-
ference, as the British ship
owners and their representa-.
tives in the government admit,
would be threefold:
Detectives
First, to limit or abolish alto
gether government aid to ship
ping.
Second, to restore what the
British term equilibrium" in
the shipping trade by adjusting
the supply of tonnage to what
the British believe are actual
world requirements.
Third, to adopt any other
measures which the proposed
conference for which the Brit
ish are calling, that in the es-
timation of such conference,
would restore the shipping in
dustry to it's former condition
of prosperity.
Today the United States
stands second to Great Britain
as a trading nation but Amer.
lean ships are carrying only one
third of American trade, Brit
iSh ships are carrying one-third
and other foreign flag ships are
carrying the remaining third.
What the British appear to
object to is the policy estab-
lished by the American Congress
to build up our merchant ma
rine until American ships carry
the greater part of our foreign
trade. The British would prefer
to maintain the status quo and
continue to carry one-third of
our trade in their own ships and
to see their allies carry another
third of our trade in their ships,
thus limiting American ships to
one-third of Americas trade.
Nor is the United States the
aggressor in the matter of over
building which the British Board
of Trade would have the world
believe. The records show that
since 1921 1899 ships having a
total tonnage of 16,288,000 gross
tons have been built by Great
Britain and the other chief
maritime powers, including the
United States.
One thousand and seventy of
these ships, of 7,165, 600 tons,
have been built by the British.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29
The Greatest Shoe
On Earth
BY John Snure, Jr.

Political significance is being
attached to the resignation of
David L. Lawrence as collector
of internal revenue at Pitts
burgh.
In keeping with Secretary
Henry Morgenthau, jr.'s, order
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29


politics and an official of the
State Democratic organization.
Most political 1DorkerS in the
Treasury resigned from their
political Jobs. But Laurence
chose to leGUe the Treasury.
Observers say he made his de-
cision after watching the Penn
sylvania situation and determin-
ing that Joe Guffy. Democratic
opponent of Senator David A.
Reed, had chance to win.
Lawrence and Guffy are close
ly allied and, if Guffy should
win, Lawrence would be in an
advantageous position.
The death of BOSS Bill" Ware,
Republican politician, is believed
to have convinced Lawrence
that Guffy is in the running.
Ware had 100000 South Phila-
delphia votes in his pocket be-
fore his death.
With his demise many of
these votes may go to Guffy.
The United States Chamber
of Commerce, one of the most
ardent ADVOCATES of GoUern-
n1ent pay and vGcGtion cuts, has
been hGUing some serious
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

few scattered cluckings from
disconnected poultry who were
talking it over. The Big Shot
was silent, probably commit
ting suicide.
I found out at luncheon,
however, that 1 had awakened
everyone else in the household
which somehow was never COM
pletely under the spell Of the
illusion that I was a rooster.
Well, in every great cause,
some few innocent heads must
fall.
Articles By Robert BenchLey
appear each Monday, WedneS'
day and Friday.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

it bitter hard, and headed for
the South Seas to make his
fortune.
He drifted through the en-
chanted seas and came finally
to the Island of Naikeva in the
Fiji group. Right there little
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

Copyright 1884, by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
For the benefit of those who
find themselves unable to sleep
through the early-morning clar-
ion call of the rooster (some-
times called 1.-THE Herald of
the Dawn" among other
names), will recount how I,
single-handed, put an end to
this chanticleer business for at
least one morning.
In telling my story, may
have to make myself seem to be
cutting a strange figure, but I
am willing to be misunderstood
if I can spread the word that
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

inally, from Albion, Illinois. Out
in Albion, as a slim, bashful
young swain, he had courted a
belle of the town, but she found
another fellow she liked better
and gave him the mitten. So
he swore off all women, taking
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29
One Parole Officer
$50 Paroled Prisoners

Z5O ParOled PRISONERS
Washington has genuine cause for alarm at the manner
in which the indeterminate sentence law working
It was revealed last week by the Board of Indeterm
nate Sentence and Parole that it has parole about
$50 men and women in the District of Columbia.
To supervise these $50 paroed prisoners the board has
Just one parole officer.
THAT CONDITION IS UNJUST TO THE PAR0LED
PRISONERS. IT IS UNJUST TO THE LAW-ABID-
ING CITIZENS OF WASHINGTON. 1T IS PARTICU-
LARLY UNJUST TO THE MEMBERS OF THE
BOARD, WHO ARE SERVING WITHOUT PAY AND
EARNESTLY TRYING TO ADMINISTER THE PA
ROLE LAW FOR THE GOOD OF ALL CONCERNED
Theoretically the parole law may be excellent way
of giving those who have violated the laws an opport
nifty for rehabilitation.
Actually under the present SYSTEM the parole law is
decidedly unfair to the paroled prisoners.
When the bill was passed it contemplated that the
board would have enough agents to maintain fairly init
mate contact with those parole It expected that
through that contact the paroed prisoners could be given
sympathetic aid in solving the problems with which they
are confronted
Those aims cannot be accomplished when agent is
compelled to supervise $50 parole prisoners
From the standpoint of the city the situation is dan
gerous is possible for the board to grant paroles to
those who will abuse the parole and who will fall back
into criminal habits.
The city has way of being guarded against these
persons would have the parole board had
ably large staff of supervising agents which could keep
in touch with those who have been freed
UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES THE GRANTING
OLA PAROLE THRUsTs TREMENDOUS REsPoN-
s1LB1LITY UPON THE SHOULDERS OF THE MEM
BEERS OF THE PAROLE BOARD.
The members of the board not Of course to blame
for the fact that they have not sufficiently large corps
Of agents.
They WILL however, be blamed if they grant paroles to
greater number of prisoners than be kept in touch
with by the personnel at their disposal
uujshed
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

that Treasury
workers who
W re affili-
a t e d W i t h
party organi-
cations resign
from one of
the jobs, Law
re ce t n
dered his res
ignation. It
becomes e f.
fectiVe Sep
TENDER /.
L q ID r ence
is extremely
influential in
~
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29


l. J.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-08-29

Some day the voters will wake up
And end this sorry show
With votes that tell these gentlemen
Exactly where to go.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
Smithsonian Institution
Given by an Englishman

The Smithsonian institution Is To-
Gated in Washington, D. G. The in
stitution is an adjunct of the gov
eminent, established by act Of con-
gress in 1916 to take advantage of
terms of the will of James Smith
son, an Englishman, who left his en-
tire estate to the United States to
found an institution bearing his
name and intended for ''the increase
and diffusion of knowledge among
men,"
1t is controlled by board of re-
gents who may accept gifts without
action Of congress, in furtherance of
the purpose of the institution. It
has also acquired numerous of its
collections.
The board of regents consists of
the Vice President of the United
States, the chief justice. three men,
bers of the senate, three from the
house and six private individuals
named by congress. The members,
under the act accepting James
Smithson's gift and creating the in
stitution. are the President of the
United States, the Vice President,
the chief justice and the cabinet.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
District of Columbia

When the District of Columbia
was formed In accordance with the
act Of congress approved July 16,
1870, and amended March 3, 1871,
there were already two town sites
laid out within the present bound
aries of the city east of Rock creek.
One, south Of the Capitol in the vi
cinity of the United States En-.
gineers' headquarters, was known
as Carrollsburg, and the other, not
far west of the White House, was
known as Hamburg or Funkstown,
a part Of which Is well known to
old-timers as Foggy Bottom. The
plat of Hamburg was recorded at
Upper Marlboro, Md, October %,
1771, and both towns, therefore,
came into existence, at least on pa.
per, prior to the War of the Ameri-
can Revolution. Hamburg was laid
out by Jacob Funk, and for this
reason is frequently referred to in
early records as "Funkstown."
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
Bell of the Lost Lutine

The bell of the lost Lutine-the
ship that was once the pride of the
British navy, which went down off
the island of Terschering in the
North sea on night In October
more than 100 years ago, with all
hands save one, retrieved by Loyd's,
which attempted the salvaging oper-
alton in 1857, hangs today at Lloyd's
in Leadenhall street in London, and
a chair and a table made from the
rudder, which was brought up at
the same time. stand in the room
where the directors meet. For years
the bell has rung to announce the
arrival of a missing ship at some
port, or the news that one more
ship has been lost. Three strokes
of the Lutine's bell are taken in ma
rine and legal circles to mean that
underwriters must settle, and money
owing to the crews must be paid
over to their heirs.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
Spider as Webmaker 10
%>~ Marvel for Measurement

Although the most symmetrical
web ever made by a spider Is not
really perfect, according to human
standards, scientists marvel at the
accuracy with which angles and dis
tances are measured"
The spider starts her geometrical
web with perimeter lines connecting
objects around space large enough
for her purpose, according to an
observer in the National Geographic
Magazine. From these lines she
suspends a few threads which con-
verge at the center Of the future
web. Now begins the process of
spacing the radii.
She attaches the end of a new
radius at the center and runs along
a spoke already laid down, spinning
out the silk for a new one as she
goes. When she reaches the perime-
ter line she takes a fixed number Of
steps along it and attaches the new
thread. This process is repeated
until all the desired radii are in
place.
If the foundation lines should
chance to form a wheel rim accu-
rately circular, the distance between
spokes would be equal; but, since
the perimeter is usually an irregu-
lar quadrangle and a never circular,
the spacing varies somewhat.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
Balkan States, Austria,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia


The Balkan states comprise Jugo-
slavia (the kingdom Of the Serbs,
Croats and Slovenes), Albania,
Greece, Bulgaria and Rumania.
Though Rumania is not geograph-
ically a part of the Balkan PENN
sula, it is practically a Balkan
state.
Austria is a republic, it's status as
a republic having been proclaimed
on November IL, 1918. It is made
up of the provinces of Vienna, Bur
genland, Lower Austria, Upper Aus
tria, Salzburg. Syria, Carinthia, Ty-
rol and Vorarlberg. ~.
Hungary. like Australia. is also a
separate Independent country, but
comprises only about one-third of
the area of the former kingdom. 1t
was proclaimed an independent re-
public on November 16, 1918.
Czechoslovakia is another country
having a republican form Of govern
ment in consequence of the World
war. The Czechoslovak state came
into existence on October %, 1918,
and consists Of Bohemia, Horavia,
Slovakia, Silesia and Ruthenia
(sub-C arpathian Russia)-territorie
which formerly lay chiefly within
the empire of Austria-Hungary, with
slight additions of territory former
ly German and Russian.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
Cucumber Tree Hardest
of the MAGNOLIA Family

The cucumber tree Is the hardest
magnolia native to eastern North
America. In appearance it suggest
a tropical tree, for its leaves and
flowers are large. 1t Is found from
western New York to Illinois, Geor-
gia and Arkansas. A rich, moist
woods, with abundant sunlight Is its
favorite home. Good wood, rapid
growth, few foes are among its prin-
cipal merits. 1t Is q beautiful tree
for lawns and parks. The leaves are
simple, thin, egg-shaped, four to
twelve inches long, pointed at apex,
smooth along margin. They fall in
response to first frost. The flow
ers are large. upright, solitary, bell
shaped, about three inches long,
greenish, tinged with yellow, diff
cult to see among foliage. The fruit
Of a red cucumber-like mass, two or
three inches long, containing scarlet,
pea-size seeds. suspended by long,
slender white threads at maturity.
The bark is grayish to brown, and
breaks up into long burrows. The
twigs are smooth, shiny, bitter, rath-
er stout, brown. marked with cres-
cent shaped leaf-scars. The buds
are conical. sharp-pointed about one
half of an inch long, and pale silky.
The wood Is soft, weak, brittle, and
light yellowish to reddish-brown in
color.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1934-03-08
Motoring at 1000 Feet

Fall River Pass carries magnifi-
cent government highway over the
continental divide between Estes
park and Grand lake. The road In
question is perhaps the highest con-
tinuous highway in North America,
extending for nearly ten miles above
timberline, which In that region is
at an altitude Of approximately
1900 feet, according to the Kan
sas City Times. Trail ridge. along
which the road has been built, Is so
open as to leave the motorist vir-
tually exposed to any blizzard that
may sweep across the divide there,
but the highway is so wide and the
grade SO easy, that even in a storm
he is not likely to feel any sense
Of danger. From a scenic point of
view, this highway that crosses the
watershed between the Atlantic and
Pacific slopes is one of the wonders
Of the modern world, which Of
course, Is hard for Americans to
believe, because it happens to be
at home. F