The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1934-04-09
Liberal Viewpoint
BY DIR. HARRY ELMER BARNES

H.
Editors NOte-This is the second of two articles
by Harry Elmer Barnes, Phi. d. based on H. q.
Wells famous novel, "TOn o-Bungay" 1t becomes OF
interest in the light of the current debate the
pure food and drugs Proponents of that measure
make it clear that the bill is not aimed at legit-
innate proprietary remedies, but is intended to re-
strain quackery.
CATURDAY, I called attention to the rele-
~ vance of H. G. Wells great novel, "Tono-
Bungay" in the current battle to protect the
American public against bogus preparations
sold under the pretense of being some great
elixir capable of curing the most diverse human
disorders Today shall give certain excerpts
portraying the way in which this fake remedy
conquered England:
"We really worked Internally hard, and, I
recall we worked with a very decided enthu-
siasm, not simply on my uncle's part but mine
1t was a game an absurd but abSurdly interest
ing game and the points were scored in cases
of bottles.
my special and distinctive duty was to give
Tono- Bungay substance and outward and
visible bottle, to translate my uncle's great
imaginingS into the creation of case after case
of labeled bottles of nonsense, and the punctual
discharge of them by railway, road and steamer
towards their ultimate goal in the great stomach
Of the people.
"By all modern standards the business was,
as my uncle would say, absolutely bona f1de.'
We sold our stuff and got the money, and spent
the money honestly in lies and clanor to sell
more stuff
my uncle had in his inner office big map
of England, and as we took up fresh sections OF
the local press and our consignments invaded
news areas, flags for advertisements and pink
underlines for orders showed our progress.
The romance of modern commerce, George
my uncle would say, rubbing his hands together
and drawing in air through his teeth. The ro-
nance of modern commerce, Ell? Conquest.
Province bV province, Like SOgerS.'
WE subjugated England and WalesS we
w rolled over the Cheviots with a special
adaptation containing IL per cent of abso-
Lutte alcohol; 'Tono=Bungay Thistle Brand We
also had the Fog poster adapted to a Killed
Briton in a misty Highland scene.
Under the shadow OF our great leading line
we were presently taking subsidiary specialtieS
into action; 'Tono-Bungay Hair Stimulant' was
our first supplement.
1--WE preached the subject, remember, in
little catechism beginning: Why does the
hair fall out? Because the follicles are tagged.
What are the follicles? - SO it went on to
the climax that the hair stinulant contained all
the essential principles of that most reviving
| tonic, Tono- Bungay, together with an emollient
and nutritious oil derived from crude meats foot
oil by a process of refinement separation and
deodorization. 1t will be manifest to any
one of scientific attachments that in meats foot
oil derived from the hoofs and horns of beasts,
we must necessarily have a natural skin and
hair lubricant
A ND we also did admirable things with our
| n next subsidiaries, "Tono-Bungay lozenges,'
and 'Tono-Bungay chocolate These were urged
upon the public for their extraordinary nutritive
and recuperative value in cases Of fatigue and
strain. We gave them posters and illustrated
advertisements showing climbers, hanging from
marvelously vertical cliffs, cyclist champions
upon the track mounted messengers engaged
| in Aix-to-Ghent rides, soldiers lying out in
action under a hot sun. you can GO for TWEEN
| ty-four hours we declared, on Tono-Bungay
chocolate We didn't say whether you could
return on the same commodity.
| 1--WE also showed a dreadfully barristerish
barrister, with side whiskers, teeth, horribly
ifelike portrait of all existing barrisers, talking
at table, and beneath this legend: A four
hours speech on Tono-Bungay lozenges, and
as fresh as when he began. That brought in
regiments of school teachers, revivaliSt ministers,
politicians and the like.
| my uncles last addition to the Tono-Bun-
gay group was the Tono-Bungay mouth wash.
The reader has probably read hundred times
that inspiring inquiry of his You are young
yet, but are you sure nothing has aged your
gums?'
Mr. Wells book, ''Tono-Bungay," now is
available in an excellent edition sold by the
modern library for 95 cents. Friends Of the
new deal will be overlooking good bet if they
fail to get behind it and circulate it by the
hundreds of thousands. 1t has as much punch
today as it did more than quarter of CEN
fury ago when it established Wells reputation
as the foremost social novelist Of contemporary
England.