Imperial Valley press., 1934-05-29
TODANS
.SPORThPARADE
hRAgHfsD
BY HENRY McLEMORE
United Press Staff Correspondent

, JnlICu ITeSS Stall OTrtSpoLuSht
LONDON, May %. = 1t was the
most dreadful moment of my life.
There I stood, all alone, in the
armour room of the Tower of Lon
don, examining a pair of cast iron
pants that Henry the VIII used
to wear, when I saw the king COM
ing.
1 knew it was the king the Sec
ond 1 laid eyes on him. 1t just had
to be the king, because he had on
a suit that only king could wear
outside of musical comedy and
get away with.
His knee pants were blue, trim
med in crimson. His shoes were
patent leather with monstrous sill
yer buckles. Over all this was a
sort of coat-skirt, all highly en-
broidered in red, and dripping with
medals. For a collar he wore
bristling Queen Elizabeth ruffle,
his hat was half-topper and half
derby, and in his right hand he
carried big silver fireman's axe.
And with what dignity and state
illness he walked! He looked neither
to the right nor to the left as he
moved solemnly forward, in slow,
measured strides. He was COM
ing straight at me, and I remem-
bered in my panic that when a
king passed you had to do and
say just the right thing. Then a
happy thought struck me. I'd turn
around and act like 1 didn't know
he was any nearer than Bucking-
ham palace. So I eased around
with what little nonchalance I
could muster and acted like those
pants of Henry's were all that mat
tered to me in this world.
But I could still hear the king
coming. He was getting closer
and closer. I could feel" him,
too That's a funny thing about
a king-you can feel one when one
gets near you. It's something like
a draft on the back of your neck.
Then he was right behind me.
1 could hear him breathing. 1t
was dreadful! He was going on
by? My heart stood still.
The king said: Good morning."
King Gets Trumped
Somehow I managed to turn
around and there we were, face to
face. AS my eyes met his I sort
of squatted down like a quarter
back waiting for the ball from CEN
ter, and stammered out:
Good morning, Your Royal
Highness, good morning"
He looked at me rather strange
ly and I knew I hadn't said the
right thing. Desperate, I tried
again.
Your Most Gracious Excellency,
Emperor of India, Defender of the
Faith, how are you?"
The king gave me look that
would have withered a cactus at
20 PAGES, and twirled his glisten-
ing axe in a menacing manner
Just as was about to keel over,
I heard a voice.
Il say there, Phillip, when are
you going to relieve me? I need
a spot of gin"
Turning to see who would dare
to speak to a king so disrespect-
fully, 1 saw, in the doorway, an
other king. This one made my
king look like tramp. He had
two axes, fully quart more med
ais, and wore garters with red ro-
settes the size of sunflowers.
IT am coming right away. Aw-
fully sorry But say, Tom, what
about that two-bob I loaned you
last week? The old lady said for
me to be sure and get it today. /
If I don't I'm gonna get it in the
neck"
Later, when I recovered from |
the shock and left the palace, my |
king was taking up tickets at the I
tower gate, and a dozen other /
Kings, or yoemen of the yard as
hey turned out to be, were scat
,ered about the grounds, picking
up paper. stomping out cigarette .
butts, and showing Mr.. and Mrs. I
Herbert Tompkins of Wichita Falls
the room where two little princes,
God rest their souls" were killed. !.
But boy, they sure look like
kings!