Imperial Valley press., 1934-12-05
TONANS
.SpORTAPARADE
AAAE,sjHssgD
BY HENRY McLEMORE
United Press Staff Correspondent


NEW YORK, Dec. 5.-A press
agent with a nickel to spend called
today and, in a voice high with
excitement, said he had arranged
fer me to hear something no man
had ever heard before-a silkworm
cutting a wisdom tooth.
That's swell I said, "and can
you fix it up for me to listen TO
a hair growing, q leaf turning, a
star twinkling, and an infinitive
splitting?'
The press agent said yes. that
he could not only fix it for me to
hear these things but that if I
wanted to I could hear a sncw-
flake landing with q bang on q
custard pie, a goldfish breathing
three feet under water. talcum
powder settling down on cats
back with noise like a peg-legged
man walking across the top OF a
greenhouse.
Investigation proved the press
agent wasn't exaggerating; that
such things can be heard. For DR..
Z. z. Free, eminent sound techni-
clan of this city, has perfected a
gadget which magnifies noises ten
thousand million times. DR.. Frees
instrument. if tuned in on a horse
running across cobblestoneS, would
produce a sound SO tremendous 1t
would knock down half the build
ings in New York and crack ear
drums as far west as Chicago.
With his gadget, e house-fly flying
sounds like a tri-motored bomber,
and the breaking Of a blister be-
comes Vesuvius on the third blast.
DR.. Frees invention intrigues me.
Not because I'm interested in hav-
ing my eardrums, Of which 1 have
no spares, cracked, nor because the
sound made by an ant buttoning
its vest intrigues me. No, I'm in
terested because Of the extra en-
tertainment and information It
would afford me at sports events.
For eXample, on that afternoon al
Forest Hills when Mrs. Helen Wills
Moody suddenly stopped in her
tracks, lifted tragic eyes toward
heaven, and walked off the court
TO default to Miss Helen Jacobs,
what was said when the two girls.
for many years unfriendly, stalked
by the umpires' staid? Nobody will
ever know, but with a vest pock-
ct edition Of DR.. Frees Radget at
hand, the conversation-and you
can bet it was a bit priceless
would have been saved for poster
itv and Emily Post. etiquette auth
ority. probably would have had
material for a Monday column.
And with DR.. Frees machine, We
could have heard what Make Baer
said TO Carne~a IN tho clice1e9, the
silent prayer that biz Slade Cutter
must have muttc~CS 7r ir Svung
back hie foot to kick that fiel7
roel IN tho r1vd and slime Of
Franl.lin field last Saturday and
Tommy SoDvith'S cc1versatio
with himself during that awful
moment in the third Americas cup
race when Mike Vanderbilt refused
to huff. and the Rainbow bore
down on Endeavor as if to slice
her in two. Only a few seconds sep
arated Sopwith from serious injury
or death, and you can bet that his
remarks, as he stood there before
the wheel Of his million-doll9r
beauty. would have made heart
stopping listening.
And I would have like 10 have
heard Captain Claire Curtin ex-
horting that Yale line when
Princeton needed only a foot to
lie the score: Earle Sande's whis-
perings to Gallant Fox as the pair
thundered into the stretch; Demp-
sey's savage mutterings as he tore
into willard; Campbells words tc
himself as he rocketed across Day
tomas coral sands, and a thous-
and others