Evening star., 1934-11-04
CHAPTER XVII.
BY FRANK G. CARPENTER.

vail, IduSllo ILL IL CllCo OFCl
the serio-comic sayings of Bob Bur-
dette. goes wild over the bad spelling
of Josh Billings and Petroleum V.
Nashpy, or expands its face into one
broad substantial smile at the humor
of Eugene Field, Eli Perkins, M Quad
or Bill Nye. In laughing at the
present the past is forgotten. and the
name of George H. Derby, the very
father of American humor. is known
only to the old stagerS, whose risibil-
tiles he tickled in the days from 1886
to 1861.
In the last four years of the '40s
West Point Academy was torn up
with George Derbys practical jokes,
and in 10 years that followed the
papers were full of his antics as an.
Army officer; the War Department
here was continually in hot water
over his funny, but irreverent actions
in the West, and the people were
laughing generally over his sketches
under the nom de plume of John
Phoenix, which he called Phoenixiana.
His newspaper articles caricaturing
his superiors brought him many
NONA 10 Vial. anu lllC "OAA0 4ObllA
hardly time to drop tear at his
funeral between intervals of laughter
over his "Squibob Papers" which we're
issued about the time of his death
I met DR.. A. E. Duncan. an ex-
surgeon of the United States Army.
who was an intimate acquaintance of
George H. Derby, who served with
him on the Pacific Coast, and who
today is full Of the stories and prac-
tical jokes of his old comrade. Said
Dr. Duncan:
Derby was a natural humorist I
doubt not he played practical jokes
as soon as he could crawl. While at
West Point his bump of humor was
thoroughly developed, and during his
later years it was so strong that to
raise laugh he spared neither friend
nor foe. His life was a fast one, and
at 80 he died of old age-his life
went out when its flame should have
burned the brightest. George Derby
was born in 1928 in Massachusetts,
graduated from West Point in l846.
served in the Mexican War and in
the West, and died in 1862. He was
a sparely built man with a face as
grave as that of chief justice, and
when he was telling his funniest
jokes, he never laughed except with
his eyes. The remainder of his
countenance was like marble. never
heard him utter more than a chuckle
In the widest extravagancies of his
wit. George Derby was not only a
humoriSt, but he was also a great
caricaturist. Had he lived today he
would have equaled Tom Mast or
Keppler. the artist of Puck. The fol-
lowing story in regard to Derby was
told me by Gen. William T Sherman:
A Practical Joke.
There was a few miles from West
Point a place known as Benny
Havens. where the boys used to 60
and eat f1apjacks and drink flip.
Benny Havens' flip had a national
reputation and his flapjacks we're
delicious. The cadets. however,
patronized Benny Havens' to such an
extent that the officials of the mill
tary school attempted to put a stop
to 1t, and granted them very few per-
missions to go outside the walls Of
the institution.
Derby was in especially bad favor
and he knew that he could not on
ordinary grounds get such a permit.
One time after he had been a week
or more without a drink of Benny
Havens' flip he pretended a great re-
pentance as to his studies and told it
about that he was going to do better.
The professor of geology was a curious
old fellow whom he had cartooned un-
and who had a horror of
him. To him Derby went, and with
tears in his eyes said that he was sorry
he had wasted his time in the past
and that IN the future he intended to
reform. He feared, as it was. he would
not be able to pass his examinations,
but said he wished to use his remain
ing time in the academy so that when
he went out he would be fitted to
battle with the world. He declared
he intended to pay especial attention
to geology. This geological professor
was an enthusiast. very simple and in
nocent withal. He embraced Derby
and congratulated him upon his reso-
luton.
During the next few days Derby
came into the geology class room with
the best of lessons He asked many
questions and showed great interest
In the subject, thus winning a good
opinion from his professor. He re-
manned in the class room after the
lessons Of the fourth day and told the
professor that one of the milkmen who
supplied milk to the academy had been
telling him of some wonderful petri-
f1cations at point away up in the
mountains. He had spoken of petri-
fled fishes and the tracks of birds and
other specimens, which Derby. having
carefully posted himself by the books,
said he supposed belonged to such and
such an age.
1.-The professor rubbed his hands
during the tale, saying. Yes. Very
likely, very likely, indeed" And when
Derby concluded by saying the milk
man had offered to conduct him to
the very place, he was eager to have
him go. The cadet asserted the doubt
that he would be permitted to leave
the academy. so the professor said
that he would himself get the counter
sign and the permit. This he did, and
the next day Derby started out early
and struck out at once for Benny
Havens'.
"'Here he lay around all that day
eating fiapjacks and drinking flip
and carrying on his carouse far into
the night. Early in the morning he
came back to the academy very mel
low, indeed, but succeeded in passing
the guard and tumbled into his room.
AS he lay down on his bed he hap
pened to think that he must have an
explanation to give to the geological
professor for not having the speci-
mems. He bethought himself a mo-
ment and then went down and picked
up a couple of stones from the pile
which lay by the riverside. He
brought these to his room, where with
a chisel he cut into them a number
of what looked very much like bird
tracks. Going out again he rubbed
these with dirt and then came back,
laid them on the table and went to
sleep.
latter breakfast he took his stones
to the geology professor, who, by the