Evening star., 1934-11-04

II
after time and finally graduated.
Serenade in Jest.
"'Another joke I remember" said
DR.. Duncan, Twas played on Gen.
John Magruder and Derby was the
instigator. There was a very pretty
Spanish girl living on an island near
San Diego with whom Magruder fell
in love. He was major then and
very susceptible. In his love making
he attempted to serenade the young
lady and among others took along
with him Dr. John E. Somers, who
had been primed by Derby. Somers
had very long legs and a very short
body and he was nicknamed by his
fellows DIR. Heavy-Stern." Just before
going out Somers had been filled up
with liquor by Derby and he was brim-
ming with fun as they stood under
the windows of the hacienda. The
song they sang was sentimental. with
an interlude on the guitar after each
verse. The first verse was sung:
1.-THE heath is all lonely and drear,
love;
There's nobody stirring or near. love;
Then haste thee, and list thy soft ear,
love;
And open thy lattice to me-"
"'As this was finished the inter-
lude struck up DR.. Somers broke in
with semi-drunken yell:
"'"My name is Jake Keiser:
I lives in Spring Garden.
And I'm bound to be butcher,
Be jabere, or die"
Magruder was angry and Mortified.
He caught hold of Somers, and in his
lisping way excitedly told him that he
muSth sthop, that he was disgracing
himself as an officer and a gentle
man. The second verse was then
sung, and at the interlude Somers
again broke in with the chorus The
alteration which ensued brought the
old don of the hacienda to the door,
and the dogs were let loose. The party
scattered and Magruder never dared
go near his inamorata again. Somers
has denied this statement. but in 1853
I dined with him at Vicksburg, where
though he at first reasserted his denial,
after we had gotten past the second
bottle, he told the story substantially
as related by Derby"
A War Department Episode.
George H. Derby would as soon
play joke upon his friend as on his
enemy" said Dr. Duncan. Il remem-
Der once Magruder. McFealey, DR..
Moore and DR.. Somers started to 60
on trip with Derby and his mother
Derby introduced Moore to his mother,
telling him beforehand that his
mother, poor soul, was very deaf, and
that he would have to speak loud to
make her hear. He had also told his
mother that Moore was deaf, and that
she must speak as loud as possible in
order to be understood. The intro
duction occurred in a car full OF peo-
Pile and the two yelled at each other
for Is minutes before they discovered
the joke.
"Derby's jokes on the War Depart
ment were numerous, said DR.. Dun
can. Every officer in the service is
expected, you know, to make once
every month a report of his doings to
the adjutant general. While Derby
was on the Rio Grande he allowed five
months to elapse without making
report, and at the end of this time
he got a peremptory order from the
War Department. In replying to it
he made a report containing some
thing like a ream of foolScap in re-
gard to the manners and customs of
the coyote wolf 1t was profusely il
Illustrated with drawings and some of
it was so low that it will not bear re-
telling. In his introduction he said
that he had made an exhaustive ex-
animation of the reports of the War
Department and had found that all
other subjects had been treated Of
His illustrations were pictures OF the
coyote wolf at side elevation, at
front elevation and at a rear eleva-
ton There was also the wolf in all
of its various habits. The result OF
it was that he was court -martialed,
but think no punishment was ever
inflicted upon him for it."
Army Caricatures.
"This Army humorist was always
making caricatures of his superior Of
ficers and was always getting into
trouble over them," continued DR..
Duncan. You have doubtless heard
of Gen. John Barnard, vino was dur
ing Derbys life one of the leading
military men in the United States.
He was at one time in charge of the
West Point Academy, and did noble
work during the late war, out Of which
he came a major general. When
Derby was stationed on the Rio
Grande Gen. Barnard was sent West
on an inspecting tour. and the various
scenes being new to him, he wrote
letters describing his trip to the New
Orleans Picayune. In one OF these
letters he told of an excursion which
he made into Mexico, where he was
we'll treated by some of the dons, and
was one day taken out to hunt jack
rabbits In describing this hunting
in the Picayune he used the following
sentence: I had rare sport in killing
jack-rabbits by firing off my mule
Derby published caricatures OF all
his letters, and one of his leading
cartoons he devoted to this scene. The
cartoon contained a mule with his
neck outstretched, his feet braced and
his tail standing straight up into the
air. Out of the mules mouth was
belching fire and smoke and ball, and
in front of him were lying scores OF
dead and dying jack-rabbits, while
behind him stood Gen. Barnard with
10-foot torch which he was pointing
directly at the mule. When this car
toon appeared Gen. Barnard grew very
angry and his friends told him he
could do nothing more than challenge
Derby. Challenge him. replied Gen.
Barnard. I don't dare to challenge
him. He wouldn't fight. He would
apologize and that would make me
more ridiculous than ever
A Choice Dinner.
"At another time Derby gave din
ner to the inspector of the commissary
department who had been sent West.
The station had applied for more pro-
visions and had written numerous let
ters to Washington without receiving
satisfactory response. When the in
spector arrived Derby invited him to