The Waterbury Democrat., 1934-03-19

another of her articles on
 Child Training.
 Too many lives are sacrificed, too much happiness is missed, too many conflicts rage, because of a word that has become fetish amongst us. Standard!
 i Before I write what 1 have in mind, please let me say that there must be standard. Without it we would be back in the dark ages. Man must work ahead of himself if he is to progress. Besides, standard is nice thing. To hitch l one's wagon to a star is not a bad i idea. Indeed it is a very good one provided that. in the journey we do not become physical and nerv- ous wrecks, and failure to reach it does not torture us with shame. | But let us look today at little ''Jimmy" and "standardp." Or, rather at Jimmy and Richard. We must have two protagonists here, because Richard is going to be the boy who will always get there, who is never going to disappoint us and who never worries about the mark set for him to reach.
 The Slower Child
 Jimmy is just a nice normal little boy, a little slower about maturing and whose mental proc esses take their deliberate time. Some day possibly he may pass Richard. Or, he may not. He's I just Jimmy and Jimmy Is what he is.
 The day the big school doors open and Jimmy confusedly steps L. ,f,~nn by stanadrd He must make his "A's' and "B's" as nearly like the copy as possible. From that min- ute on throughout school life he is always striving for a far goal. In lessons, in conduct, in marks, he has the aim of perfection hung over his head and is judged by his failure to reach it.
 At home he is supposed to be learning other lessons, 'the lessons of politeness, cleanliness, helpful ness and all the niceties. Again, the placard of perfection hangs over his head.
 If he takes music lessons, or if he's only learning to hold a fork properly, or to wash his ears, there is standard again. He must learn to do things right and as quickly as possible.
 It is wise, I think, to repeat that standard is necessary and that perfection is the goal toward which we must try to work, but the average child cannot be per- fleet in a hurry. It takes time and we are too impatient. Not only that but put yourself in the child 8 iplace and face a hundred such
 
 each minute. Grown-ups strive to- ward one or two or more Ultima Thules, but they could not live under the pressure required ot children.
 Jimmy, if he has impatient or exacting parents, or teachers, may be very unhappy. He may even be cross or nervous or sick. He won't do much about it because he can't, although one older boy not long ago who belonged to an organlza- tion that laid too heavy a stress on merit, went out In the woods with a gun and left a note saying he was no good and couldn't make the grade. He had to have relief and what a relief!
 The Parents Course
 If Richard is Jimmy's brother, it is still worse. Here IS udlly example to live with, of things someone else can do and he can not. And he is very possibly com- lDared with the lucky one. I speak of boys but I mean girls too.
 Since we cannot refute stand ard. and must continue to canon ize perfection, what is there to do?
 The answer seems OBVIOUS. 10 help Jimmy all we can, encourage effort rather than result and 10 have patience.
 To criticize and nag will only make things worse. If he says: .T can't" and we answer brutaily: "Thcre is no such word as can |. Aren't YOU ahead of yourself /! I believe we are laying a founda- tion for failure.
 If we say: "Yes. it's hard but dear do try and if you cannot do it at all, don't worry" he h1msel1 may develop an urge or determlna- lion to lick it. There are too many children. worn out by struggle by ISeing expected to do things be- lvond them and by feeling ol futility.
 Let US learn to praise effort. te sincerely appreciate the child, Inosition, and not make the goals loo high, too numerous, or toC hard As he grows older he VII he able to do things better. we may raise the limit with his age but we seem to have lost slShc o'