The Waterbury Democrat. [volume] (Waterbury, Conn.) 1917-1946, 1934-05-24
CRAMP. COLO AND JUST
PLAIN NEI4LYACHE

hope what I have always fear-
cd has not come 10 pass. Whatever
tho reason, I beg TO complain that
| readers arc not sending mo sar-
castle comments, Maybe my own
sarcasticator hasn't been working
as well lately as II formerly did, l
do hope that isn't NO. don't want
to turn mellow quito 30 young,
with your kind consent ! shall
laeonixe about eramp, collie and
bcllyachc, because this IL a painful
subject and ono wo all wish to be
done with an soon as possible. SO
please bear In mind ] am not sur.
castic0ting today. However, II you
have n good bit of sarcasm I'm al.
ways delighted TO receive Il.
First we had better dispose OF
"eholcra morbus," Rcmembery
That bugaboo was moro effective
than u barbwire fence In protecting
the farmers apples In their do
fonseless immaturlty when we were
kids. And too bad, for Of course
there In no such malady. Tho very
worst youngster can suffer from
eating groen apples In I'M upset
stomach if he eats too many or too
hurriedly; but never cramps. collie
or any serious illness. l suppose
this won't matter much TO Kids to-
day. But wish there had been an
or Doc Brady TO give fclla a
break when was kid.
Yeah, and many u swim missed
because, darn Il, was afraid I'D
get cramps " I went In too soon
after dinner or when was NIL
heated up. II any hoy Or girl who
reads this likes to 70 swimming.
solcmnly assevcrate here In plain
unmlstakab languago-and
challenge any physician or other
competent person to debate the
question with me--that II IN per-
fectly hcalthful and safe to go In
swimming Immediately after any
meal IL you wish. and Il liz perfectly
healthful to plunge In or to ease
yourself In by gradually dipping
deeper II you like. when you are
all heated up either from the
weather or from your own excr-
ton. This does not imply that ono
should enter an endurance contest
or a long hard swim right after
heavy meal or when ono Is already
tired and blown. But we're talking
about Just going In swimming. OF
course we cant say whether the
particular place boy or girl may
20 swimming Is sanitary. whether
the water In unpoliuted. But as
Stunning the water is pure and that
persons with communicable dis
ease do not patronize the place.
what have said IL sound and
right. I'll give a So book or
subscription TO a magazine to the
hoy or girl who sends the first
signed statement from any doctor
Of standing who takes issue with
me on this advice.
Obscure illusions to rheumatism
are barred. unless an uDequivocal
definition of rheumatism In includ-
cd. 20 that we may know what
we're talking about.
Every little while we see funny
items In the papers about people
being stricken with pto,maine pois-
oniBg. That's just the old hokum
bunkem In every instance. II you
follow up the case You kill find
presently that the boss doctor who
made the guess has faded out OF
the picture and a real doctor has
found out what actually rs the mat
ter. Ptomaine poisoning simply
can't happen. Whenever you hear
Of a case you may bet your hat
II is a spurious diagnosis. because
there In no such thing as ''ptomaine
poisoning" except In the imagiDa-
ton Of the Incompetent physician.
OF ali. varieties OF bellyache the
Kind that inspires my sarcasm IL
infantile collc. This IN important
I'm afraid Z am not feeling mean
enough 70 do Il Justice today.
~-~--