The Washington times., 1934-09-22

4ne newest TuIIlOE-UuG ~
Q good one!
General johnson, havfn 6
grown bored with the dictator
ship of industry, is about to re
tire from the NRA and go into
the movies!
The general will take Will
Hays place and keep the movies
genteel.
Fashions in mind change as
quickly as fashions in clothes.
An internationalist nowadays
isn't the monster he used to be
DR.. Ernest Greuning recently
was appointed to the post OF
Division of Insular Possessions
and Island Territories of the In
terror Department, largely be
cause of his knowledge of for
eign affairs. DR.. Greuning is
regarded as a brilliant liberal
but hardly a dangerous person
You remember, he was a special
economic adviser to Secretary
of State Cordell Hull at the
Montevideo Conference.
Yet a few years ago, DR.. Greun-
tng's writings and his editorship
Of the Nation had so identified
him in the public mind as an
unfettered thinker that the
Chicago Tribune boldly called
him "a Bolshevik."
DR.. Greuning was annoyed
and sued the paper for libel.
And incidentally, which gen.
orally m cans primarily, col
1ected a neat sum as damages.
While the suit was being
heard "in chambers" in New
York, the District Attorney re-
ferred to DR.. Greuning as an in
ternationalist. Immediately DR..
Greuning's counsel asked the
judge hearing the case to re-
buke the District Attorney for
applying such a term as inter-
nationalist" to his client. The
District Attorney protested:
"But, your honor, surely I
meant no Offense."
DR.. Greuning's counsel shouted
"Meant no OffenSe! No Of
Tense in the word International
iSt! Your honor, / beSeech you,
how would you like your daugh-
ter to marry an International
iSt?"
Emily Newell Blair is under
contract to write a novel about
Washington life. She has de-
cided on the hero and the vii
lain. But she can't make up her
mind about the character of
the heroine.
Heroines are so complicated
these daySparticularly in
Washington.
Well, come what may in the
November election, it's nice to
know:
That no member of the Fly
Swatter Subdivision (as defined
by the NRA) shall make allow
ances for special swatters."
That the 40.hour week is ap-
preciated by at least one attor-
ney whose sign on the door
says, "Office hours 9 to $50;
/ to Q; 4:3o to s."
That's the United States
Patent Office, in a symposium
called Drift Control of Leers,"
has awarded a patent for an
apparatus responsive to drift
of gaseous medium in one di-
rection or another" A leer, so
Mr.. Webster and I thought, is
q distortion of the face or an
indirect glance of the eye con-
veying a sinister or immodest
suggestion. 1t seems, from this
definition, that both Mr.. Web
Ster and I were wrong. We
must note the error.
Likewise that prior to the ad-
vent of the mayonnaise code,
In the proud words of Managing
Agent w. F. Cutie, code au-
thority of the mayonnaise in
dustry, there were numerous
salad dressings manufactured
as imitations-mayonnaise made
with as little as 18 or 10 per
cent oil, and containing as
much as two-thirds water
(think of it) incorporated into
the mixture by putting water
with it, and mixing into a
thick paste to resemble the
body and texture of good
salad dressing mayonnaise." Mr..
Cutie boasts:
To-day, the minimum oil re-
quirment for salad dressing is
at least IS per cent and all con-
sumerS are sure of being able
to purchase products of honest
value and nutrition"
Phyllis says she has always
adored those dignified old
houses on Capitol Hill. She likes
the resolution with which they
hide their affairs behind Staid
Victorian doorways.
Perhaps Northeast Washing
ton will be the scene of the
next real estate boom.
MONEY FOR