Evening star., 1934-04-15

| uldLlC lie.
When the butler gives her q mes
sage that the dollar has been stabil-
| ized, she throws down the clothes,
| with the final remark, let 'em 60
dirty!"
U. S. Steel Eeads Under N. r. A.
How the United States Steel Cor
! poration's board of directors might
be expected to conduct themselves un-
der the N. r. A. was depicted in
still another skit, reputed to be an
unpublished work of DR.. Writ, which
found Andrew w. Mellon and John D.
Rockefeller as janitors ard the di-
| rectors as members of the workers
council. John D. and Andy paused in
their dusting to ponder whether the
council would give them a pay raise.
They were not, however, unduly dis
turbed. because, they said. the re-
! distribution of wealth. which had
been effected, had its advantages.
why, Andy. feel like a boy out
of school," purred John D.
What relief 1t Isl" agreed Mellon.
mo directors meetings, no invest
iACAASoy Az SdACos Ao 2SoPOAAoASAAeJs
| mo interviewers, no Senate inves-
! legations" added John D.
There's lots worse occupations,
John D., than janitor work."
"Well, Andy, when did you first
recognize your talent for 5anitor
service?"
ITO tell you the truth, John D.. 1t
was very early in the Hoover admin
istration."
"And the work is not without its
opportunities"
THAT reminds me, why shouldn't
we organize Janitors, Incorporated?
We could issue 100000 shares Of
common and 100000 shares of pre-
ferred and let in a few insiders
and"
"Shush. shush, Andy. here comes
the Workers Council. Looks like
full William Green. John
Lewis, Eddie McGrady and all the
rest of our new rulers"
They entered all wearing sports
clothes, carrying golf clubs and tennis
rackets andsin a hurry to get to the
country club.
ItH-HOuF NcCh ouCCCsss
McGrady, reading from a volumi-
nous manuscript, informed the coun-
Gil that 1.-The 10-hour week has pro-
duced amazing results. There are
now 100000 employees on the rolls
of the United States Steel Corpora
ton. OF these there are 100000
pensioned on full pay, 100000 in
hospitals suffering from industrial &C
cidents, lassitude and ennui and near
ly 1000, 900 A. w. o. L., leaving $4,000
on the job as of this morning. Morale
is excellent. production has reached a
new all-time low, prices are practi-
cally prohibitive."
Has a more abundant life been
realized?" asked Lewis.
Abundant Is certainly the name
for it." replied McGrady. Ball park
admissions are up 85,000,000 over last
year, saloons, excuse me, taverns, have
quadrupled, automobile accidents have
multiplied tenfold and arrests for
breach of the peace have passed the
law-breaking peak of the prohibition
era"
McGrady, fishing small card out
of his pocket, read a financial report
as follows: Assets, $4,000, 900, 900
CRoosevelt) liabilities, s1s 900 900, 900
(Roosevelt); deficit, $4,000. 100000
(Roosevelt)."
Myron c. Taylor, chairman of the
board of the Steel Corporation, garbed
in overallS, his face grimy. reported
he had been sitting ashes looking for
profits.
This confession shocked the council
Taylor was told profits are out"
Donald Richberg and Charlie Michel
son were called in to deal with Taylor.
He made the mistake, also, Of talking
about dividends and was sent back to
sitting ashes.
Prison Scene for Airmail.
The airmail situation was seized
upon by the club troupers for satiri-
cal exposition. The scene was a Fed
eral penitentiary, where preparations
were being made for receiving more
guests Attorney General Cummings
came in to book personally the ex-
pected prisoners. His entrance was
just in time. The White House was
on the telephone. Secretary Marvin
Mcintyre was calling Cummings. En-
sued this from the Attorney General:
Hello, Mac, what is it? :. What's
that? You say I have rendered an
opinion? But I haven't. :. Oh, all
right, then I have. Yes, yes, /
underestimate favorable opinion.
What? Oh. an unfavorable opin-
ion. . All right. Mac"
Turning to his secretary. Cummings
said:
We've got to change this opinion.
Make it negative, just sprinkle in a
lot of 'nots'."
The prisoners came in. They were
headed by President Whitney of the
New York Stock Exchange. All were
brokers. Cummings informed Whit
ney that the new policy is to clap
everybody in Jail.
Holy suffering cats and dogs"
expostulated Whitney. isn't a man
regarded innocent till found guilty?
thought that was in the law"
cit may be, I'm not sure" said
Cummings, adding, "but at least 1t
doesn't hold in an emergency"
about wrecking the airmail, but the
Attorney General retorted that it was
evident the broker had no conception
of the higher moral values of the
new deal.
What About Lindbergh!
"Well, I'm not the only one. About
100 ,000,0 900 others are wondering what
you have done with Col. Lindbergh,"
retorted Whitney.
Cummings turned to the warden to
inquire what had been done with
Lindbergh.
why, we put him in the pound,
with the rest of the publicity hounds"
-"Oh, yes, quite right" agreed Cum
mings. He barked at the Pres
ident"
Subsequently, the Attorney General
said the administrator next move
would be to Jail the 100000 income
tax payers on suspicion.
why not Jail the entire popula-