The Washington times., 1934-09-21
MILK 1i
HELLLNGER
Crins and Bitters

one of the best. It's Jimmy
Gillen's tale Of the chump
who was brought by a friend
to play the ponies in a horse
pool room.
This bird had never played
a horse in his life, nor had he
been in a pool room before.
He knew absolutely nothing
about the nags-so you will
not be surprised to learn that
he picked the winner of the
first race at very juicy odds.
Lucky Beginner
The second race was a repe-
tition of the first. He knew
nothing about the horse, but
the name appealed to him. And
once more his choice romped
home at an extremely pleasing
price.
BY the time our hero had
picked four straight winners,
the regular players figured that
they were in contact with one of
the shrewdest horsemen Of all
time. The chump made no ef-
fort to deny this. He merely lis
tened to them with a bored air,
smiled mysteriously-and then
proceeded to pick another win
ner.
The other players had been
betting at all tracks; Aqueduct,
Rockingham Park, Ii ncoln
Fields, and so on. But they
weren't getting anywhere. So
finally, one of the regulars who
had been a heavy loser on the
day mustered sufficient courage
to speak to the great handicap
per.
He walked over to the chump
and asked humbly:
EXCUSE me, buddy. But what
do you think of the next at Lin
coin FieldS?"
The dope drew himself up and
looked very wise indeed.
mot for me-" he replied. II
wouldn't touch it if were you."
"Why?" persisted the regular
hopefully. "Is the race fixed?"
Nope" returned the big win
ner. He looked around him and
motioned the other man to one
side. But if you'll promise to
keep your mouth shut I'll tip
you off to something"
II swear" said the regular,
fervently. that it won't go no
further than me. What's the
dope"
The chump screwed up his
face, leaned close to the other
man, and said:
Keep it under your hat-but
Lincoln Fields can't run in the
mud!"...
II happen to know of a stage
hand, Mark" pens j. M. j.,
who recently became ill. At the
urgent request of his wife, he
went to see a doctor about it.
"The medico examined the
stage hand from head to foot,
and then gave his opinion. He
recommended a change of seen
ery!"
The agile Billy Revel is very
much in favor of the five-hour
day.
Wouldn't it give the out,of.
work actors, he argues, less time
to be out of work?.. :.
Married Bliss
In one of the late spots the
other night, reports Joe Lewis,
a couple-obviouSly married.
was escorted to a table. Any
doubt about their being mar
r1ed was dispelled by the con-
versation that ensued.
rs my little duckSy-wucksy
said he to her, quite comfy
in her chair?"
Eyes, love bird" said she to
him. "And is my popSy-wopsy
quite free from a naughty
draft that might give him a
coldie in the headie?"
Eyes, hearts delight" said
he to her.
We'll, then," said she to
him, change seats!".
Have you ever heard, Charlie
Davis wants to know, of a Ken
lucky breakfast? Well, it's a
steak, a bulldog, and a quart of
whisky.
The bulldog is to eat the
steak.
Then there is Harry JAMS
tale of the two vaudeville &C.
tors who decided that Holly
wood was the place for their
talents. They sold everything
they had around Broadway,
bought a small car and com.
menced the long drive West.
They weren't in Hollywood
two weeks when they went
broke. Wiring their agent in
New York, they implored him
to find something for them i'm.
mediately. He failed to re-
Spond. So five weeks later
found them stranded in Holly
wood, their car sold some time
before, and with no more than
three dollars between them.
It was then that they re-
ceived a wire from their agent,
UTan oot xyo,Y h0Gye 1x,oal- -