The Waterbury Democrat., 1934-08-28
In New York
BY PAUL HARRISON

New 4Ork.-Iheyl Il never grow up-these Broadway boys. They'll have their little joke regardless of the initial trouble or the conse- quences. The wonder is that some of them have been allowed to grow up as far as they have.
 1 have watched fun-loving fel- lows give the hot-foot" to unem- ployed actors who scarcely could afford to have a shoe scorched by a flaming paper match. Oh, well, anything for a laugh. If d person sits down in cane-bot- toned chair, take a cup of scala ing tea and fling it upward. Ter gets interested in that newspaper, steal up and light corner of it; chances are he won't notice until it bursts into sheet of flame hot enough to single off his eyebrows. Colossal! Gigantic! There's his hat!-run out and buy a half dozen eggs and put them in it. That ought to be riot!
 Yes, It's Done
 oh, so he's sore about it, huh? Can't take it! We'll, he can't get by on Broadway until he learns to take it.. You, Joe, go up and rib him for a few minutes. Aw, tell him anything; tell him about d job he can get in new Tomshow, chasin' Eliza across the ice, with q few other hounds. While you're doing that Moe will slip across the street and do the hospital gag telephone him and say his vines been hurt in an auto accident. We'll show this guy
 Maybe that sort of thing isn't typical, but it's done. Sometimes there's q definite element of mal- ice in practical joking, as in the case of the press agent who hadn't been able to collect his salary from a certain hotel manager who had engaged him. The publicity man. after breeding for weeks, sent telegram to the executive: Under stand smallpox has broken out in your hotel. Shall 1 advise local newspapers 2" An. m ploye of the telegraph company held up the message and notified the de- partment of health. Doctors, rein forced by police, descended on the place and put it under a quaran- tine that lasted three hours.
 Liquor Cure
 And sometimes practical jokes are funny, though cruel. Dipso- maniacs always suffer from Broad ways idea of levity. While cir GUS was in town, platter-lipped Ubangi native was secreted in the hotel room of theatrical agent who always reeled home drunk The victim wound up in a hospital, and the w. c. T. U. would be glad to know, hasn't touched drop since
 Then there was the well-known author who had been on a ten- days spree in his suite on the fif- teenth floor of hotel. One morn saw an awful apparition. He shook his head, pried open the other eye and still saw it. There, right be- side his bed, was horse. And on the horse was a policeman. The policeman was telling him that he had better get dressed, because he was under arrest. He fled to the hall and there encountered several of his dear pals convulsed with laughter. They had spent $25 get ting the policeman and his horse up to the fifteenth floor on the freight elevator The author re- turned to his room and downed three quick ones, to steady his nerves.
 Phone Joker s
 The telephone is a fine medium for practical joking. A press agent named Marc Lachmann likes to wait until l o'clock in the morn ing and then call couple of dozen people. He's at a grand party, he tells each victim, and everybody is asking about good old So-and-So. So come over right away, and bring a pie. Yes, 8 pie; cherry preferred. So lot of people put on their. clothes, go out and buy a pie, and take taxi to a certain address. Once there, however, lhcy.l find that there isn't any party, that nobody ever heard of Lachmann, and that nobody wants cherry pie.
 Dick Timber, orchestra leader, is a curious fellow who likes to know what people think of him. One morning he had his secretary call every music publisher in town ana announce that ner employer had died unexpectedly that morn ing. Timber listened in on an ex- tension wire. and heard many of his business acquaintances express and polite regret. 1t wasn't until they learned of his little joke, however, that he learned what they really thought | of him.