Evening star., 1934-09-23
SCHOOL FAILURES OFTEN
ARE TRACED TO PARENTS
College Officer Finds Bright Students
Sometimes Flop" Because of
Unwise Home Influence.

through school, an extraordinary
spiritual affinity developed between
the two. based on a common interest
in the boys schooling.
When John was a Junior in high
school his mother died. He was
broken up, but after time appeared
to have succeeded in adjusting him.
self to the loss. He finished high
school with honors and came North
to college the following September. A
boy of keen mind and engaging per-
sonality, he Immediately took lead
ing place among his classmates and
breezed through the elementary work
of the first year with an outstanding
record. Because of the intellectual
curiosity which his mother had in
stilled in him, very little of the work
of the freshman year was new to
John-and this fact later proved to be
most significant part of the whole
picture.
Different as Sophomore.
In Johns sophomore year matters
took a different turn. His program of
study included new and more ad-
vanced subjects, material which pre-
sented a real challenge to his ability.
His instructors began to report that
John seemed bewildered and diScour-
aged His faculty adviser found the
boy ready to discuss his problems; in
deed. little too ready. and seemingly
anxious to shift his worries to some
one elSe'S shoulder. The boy was
unable to suggest any reason for his
failure. but blamed his teachers,
whom he said we're unsympathetic In
each talk with his adviser he seemed
to resent criticism and to crave SYM
pathy.
1t seemed wise to learn more of the
boys history. An aunt. living near
New York. was called and described to
the boys adviser the relationship that
had existed between John and his
mother. AS he listened to the story
the adviser wondered whether the
mothers influence over her boy might
not have approached domination.
Might not the relationship. beautiful
as it appeared on the surface. have
prevented the boy from developing
self-reliance? He began to under
stand Johns craving for sympathy.
Furthermore. it developed that John
recently had been visiting his aunt
more and more frequently. apparently
to tell her his troubles and seek her
sympathy.
Experimentally in his next con-
ference with the boy the adviser re-
duCed the sympathy treatment to
the minimum and delivered pointed
talk on self-reliance. telling John
that he should assume greater re-
spOnSibility for his own problems.
The boys work began to improve and
his visits stopped.
Girl Enters the Picture.
The adviser had begun TO think
that cure had been effected when
one day John skunk into the Office
and announced that he had con-
cluded he had b5tter quit college
Not only had his work again gone
to pieces. but his girl had dropped
him. The girl business was some
thing new. but it fitted into the pic
ture which was being put together,
for it turned out that when John
had stopped seeking sympathy from
his adviser he had started getting it
from a girl. Indeed, more welcome
sort Of sympathy, since it was
reminiscent of the maternal solici-
tude on which he had relied so long.
Before long. however. the girl had
grown weary of listening to one boys
troubles and had gently but definitely
allowed John to drop out of her
scheme of existence.
The adviser now felt justified in
presenting his theory directly to the
boy himself The latter's sensitive
nature and intellectual conceit made
him reluctant to admit the full logic
of the argument. 1t was more pleas
ant 10 place the blame on others
But slowly he began to show signs of
understanding himself and to make a
sustained effort to overcome his basic
weakness The adjustment was far
more difficult than that which had
confronted the pampered boy of the
first story. John had relied too long
and too completely on a mental
crutch to abandon it abruptly and
walk alone. 1t became necessary for
him to be granted a leave of ab-
sence. and he IS now. under the care
of a pSychiatrist. making a Spartan
effort to develop independence and
capacity for self Encouragement.
Parents Ofen Helpful.
This particular incident does not
mean that the writer minimiZeS the
value of a close communion of spirit
between parents and sons. A young
man can develop the finest qualities
of mind and character through such
bonds of understanding. But the re-
latiOnships should be formed with
wisdom and foresight and with COM
plete unselfshness on the part of the
parents. Their constant aim should
be to develop in their sons all the
qualities of character which are re-
quired in a man.
The misery and failure in college
that results from parental misman-
agement can be so tragic that they
strongly emphasize my point. There
are the cases. for example. of fathers
who are too busy to get acquainted
with their sons, much less assume re-
sponsibility for guiding the forma-
ton of their characters. Such par
entS wonder why their sons are lazy.
devious and maladjusted. and occa-
sionally undergo the humiliating ex-
perience of having to have their sons
interpreted to them by third person.
l recall the student who attempted,
without conspicuous success, to lie his
way through college He had acquired
the habit as a child as a defense
against a stern father who was WELL
meaning but entirely blind disciple
natrian There was the boy who was
in college solely because his mother
considered it the proper procedure for
members of her social class. like keep
ing a car or a maid. While he re-
manned a student he was the most
unhappy young man imaginable, be-
cause he was not in the least inter-
ested in college. When. by mutual
consent. he was eventually enabled to
quit. he entered into a job with en-
u Il