The Waterbury Democrat., 1934-06-22
The Experiences of a Democratic Spy AUNT JANE FLEES FROM TOTAL IMMERSION
|. Episode No. s,

When I Teaehod home tho other afternoon ] found l note from my Aunt Jane asking mo t0 dine with her and h0P bosom friend, Lizzie D0rde on -BOrgl1. Whom 1 r6nd this l shuddored, for Lizzie ~ to me ike ono Of those female vampires in "DracuIG" who climb out of a dnnk grave at midnight to run with witches and were wolves about tho eOuDtrygid0 sucking tho blood from the thrOatB of sleeping ehils drOn. ] started for the telephone to plead H sudden nttaek of black plague when I was interrupted by tho entrance of my young cousin Jim, who, porforc0, lives with our mutual aunt
 "Put that instrument down." he yelled, land listen to mol if you'll go thoro to dinner tonight, I'll guarantee you some rare 0ntor. tainmont. It's in the bag and I'll tell you why. In the first plnee I'm pretty sore at Auntle. You know she's never been abl0 Go pin anything 0n mo for tho Pepper. sass nffDir of last week, but she's boon laying for mo and Inst night she managod to catch mo in what she considers on net of moral tur. pitud0 and, believe mo, sho'B fnad0 tho most Of it"
 "What was it?" l asked, "f put nothing past you, but ] rarely hear 0f your being caught"
 "Aw, t was nothing" no an- gWered. "rhatg what hurts my pride 50. was just sitting in tho car outside the front door talking to my girl, Susie JOn0B, and h0ld- ing her hands, when Auntie Bnuk ID on us and caught uB cold, l kooD forgetting that gh0 ig moro 'at homo crawling on her stomach than standing ID, and Wngnt watching tho ground, Bbo had ( duck nt. She screamed at Susie that in her time no nice glrI would ever hold c mans hand and Susie answered with dignity, nowadays c nie0 girl has Co hold l mans hands, Well, tt got pretty hot md heavy and tho upBhOt Of it all WAS that Susie was ordered to BO home immediately and l was sent to my room and forbidden Co us0 tho car again for tho rest of the summon"
 "That's too bdd, Jlm,v ! gympa. thised, "biIt you ought to Do more
 "l know; I know!" Jim contin. ued, "WeiI to-day she's boon fnuts teFlng Witgh0H iDenntntl0DB against the worthless younger generation and saying tho dirty, degenerate democrats have utterly corrupted thoIp morals, She's oven written C circular letter Co Senator Walc0tt and ell tho W0Tnen's republican clubs in tho state advocating c stand for tho revival of the old Connecticut blue laws to protect tho younger people from tho inHis dl0ug and vil0 Influence of the present. administration nt Wnshs lngt0n. Ther0'B just ono thing she's overlooked in her zeal for purity and that is, tho old puritnnB, for nil their faults, were not tho bunch Of old women she imnglneB thehl 10 have been, one Of their prize institutions asw the dueking stool which was used tO punish cons mon gG0lds, termaEants, Bbrows,. or what have you, You know what jt was, don't youT
 "WeIi, I've got q vague idea, bit [ don't know tho exact details What was it?"
 Tt was llke largo soo.saw with a ehair on one end sticking out over some deop wnter," Jim went on, "UpOn tho sworn complaint or thrOe or moro reputable people tho woman accused Of being q common se0jd was strapped into tho chnlf and before a mRdiy cheering audi onco was tucked until she WnB darned near drowned"
 "Now about tonight, I've got ono of those gndgetg which you Gnfl hitch ID tO tho radio and give your own broadcast from tho next room, know Aunt Jnno knows nothing about them and I'm going to cut in on tho symphony concert which they gro planning to listen to and give 'em on enrful. After that when the phone rings you nn' sWer it ana wrtt0 down the tele. FFnm you'll get. It will really Do Susie Jones on the wire but don't you crack q smile"
 All right, Jim," I replied, "pm your man and I'll be there for din. ner, It sounds good to me-"
 At dinner LizzIo Borden Borgia held forth about her recent trip to Paris. She ig tho sort Of franco. phiIe who writes tracks about why we should cancel the French war debt becnuse of'the debt of culture which wc owe to I.aBelle France, She said, You know, my dear Jane, thoae reports about the riots in Paris last winter arc nothing but Amerlcan newspaper talk. There really was no disorder at all. What really happened was that the stu. dents of the Latin quarter .were havIng masquerade ball and some of them dressed as gene dafmes and soldiers started to froi- 10 plnyfuiiy with others who were going to the masquerade dressed as workingmen. It was ai in the spirit of fun. And even # thefe had been physical violence, one must never judge the French peo. pic from the parislann. They are really fho most moFai race in the world despite tho scurrIious res u0fin Of our yellow press"