davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
High-Hat Shoe Shining
By Robert BenchLey

According to a news item
which has been called to my at
tention only with the greatest
difficulty, and which I have re-
fused to read for weeks, there
is a shoe-shining establishment
in Park Row, New York city,
where the operators wear cuta-
ways, white vests and silk hats.
Frankly, I don't believe it. At
any rate, I don't want to be"
lieve it. 1t is one of those
stories which, even if true, are
not worthy of belief. Like the
poor little girl in the fable who
cried "Wolf!" too many times
to her grandmother until she
turned into a wolf and spoiled
the story, this yarn o'erleaps it.
self. don't know what 1 am
doing in passing it on.
It is the type Of story which
looks as if it had something
funny in it, but hasn't. The
idea of bootblacks in silk hats
and cutaways is funny until
you get around to the business
of laughing. Then something
snaps, things go black before
your eyes, and you end up with
a perfectly straight face.
According to the news story,
one of the advantages of this
harlinquinade is that the GUS
toner, looking down on a silk
hat from his throne, feels that
good times must be back again
and doubles his nickel tip. or
even buys the shop. You can't
tip a justice of the Appellate
Division a nickel. Or, at any
rate. you're not supposed to.
I should think, however. that
the effect would be just the op-
posite. In the first place, there
can be none of the old camara-
derie between patron and boot.
black that used to exist. You
can't lurch into a chair and say:
"Well, Joe, had any more kids
lately?" to a man in a silk hat.
He is the one who will have the
start in the conversation.
And then what? What is
there to talk about? What is
there to think about, except
those cutaway tails swinging
back and forth as your sartorial
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

without a good deal, and it
wasn't easy.
But it was fun trying to do
it, and everything we've gotten
since was more precious be-
cause we had to struggle for it.
Now he's making $20-and
we're going to have a baby!
Some of your readers might
gasp-"On only $40 a week?"
One girl friend said to me
But I want to wait until I'm
able to give my baby every
thing"
That may be all right but my
husband and I think a baby is
too busy observing its own little
world to know whether or not
it has "everything."
After all, Miss Robinson, it's
love that's seeing us through.
And so I'm not afraid.
ROBERTA LEWISON
NOT AFRAID!
A few score years ago they
started an experiment called
America" on a hunch like
that, child.
COURAGE
Penniless men, starving
women, facing an unmapped
wilderness with nothing to back
them but their own courage
and that invisible Love"
which was to be a cooling cloud
by day, a warming fire by
night.
And now? Already the Knock
ers' Chorus will be getting busy.
Very pretty and touching"
they'll say, but how sensible is
it-really? Love will see US
through'-a charming theory,
but when you get right down to
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

man. Once in a while, when
his wife wants to buy him
some new collars, he has to
remember whether he wears a
912 or a 1872 people whose
wives buy their collars for them
invariably wear 91as). And
when the bank sends him one
of those nice little notices
which begins, I'VE regret to in
for4-l you," it is better that
customer should know what the
bookkeeper is talking about
when he shows him how he ar
rived at his unfortunate little
deficit.
Now that we have all sorts
of new taxes, 2 per cent on
this, 312 pc: cent on that. the
client ought to know within a
reasonable degree c. accuracy
just how much he is being
mulcted. But, for the rest,
mathematics plays such a
small part in the lives of the
average citizen as to be almost
negligible.
Far different it is with reading
and writing, and thereof I
should like to speak here, now
that we are standing on the
brink of another general war.
EXACT MEANING
The ancients and the people
of the Middle Ages thought that
reading and writing were an art
which should be practiced only
by those who had a fairly rea.
sonable chance of understand
ing afterWard the things they
had been writing about. We
often hear it said that it was
merely a sort of intellectual
SnobbishneSs that made the
priests of Egypt restrict the
knowledge of hieroglyphics to a
small group of people.
And whenever some Huey Long
desires to gain the good will of
his audience, he points with
pride" to the fact that he has
reduced the rate of illiteracy by
10 or 20 or 80 per cent and
asks. What would Socrates and
Plato have done about it?"
The answer is, of course,
''Nothing!"
In ancient Greece, during the
most brilliant period of its his
tory, probably no more than 10
per cent Of the people could
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Listen, World!
By Elsie Robinson

brass tacks, who actually has
to do the seeing through?
YOU AND THE TAX
PAYERS. So what right have
these two young people to add
the burden of another life to
OUR burden at a time like
this? Taking chances like that
is Positively Criminal"
Is it? And just where would
you and I be today, my heart
les, if our grandad had felt
that way about taking chances?
Mind you, I'm no advocate of
reproducing the species, regard
less. I do NOT believe that
just anybody should be a
parent, anyhow.
If I could have my way I'd
tighten our marriage laws
plenty. And make it IMPOS-
SIBLE for the proven diseased,
unfit and criminal humans to
mate.
But I certainly would NOT
make babies dependent on bank
rolls.
A spirit such as this outweighs
millions in gold and is actu-
ally of greater and more lasting
service to the commonwealth.
One bank failure can bank
rupt a home that is built on
cold cash-but no power on
earth can lick the force that is
based on brave, intelligent
FAITH and DEVOTION.
AS for the taxpayer-even If
what you say were true, and we
would have to carry the burden
of this new life, it would be the
swelleSt investment we could
make, and produce the fattest
dividends.
FAITH AND LOVE
But I'm not granting that it's
true. I'm a hard-boiled fifty
one, and I've seen plenty of
things put over in this curious
world.
respect the power of money
the power of position-the
power of trained brains.
BUT I'VE SEEN FAITH
WORK GREATER MIRACLES
THAN ALL THESE THINGS
PUT TOGETHER. And I'm tell.
ing YOU
If these young people believe
that Love will see them through
1T WILL!
And if YOU don't believe It
read your history. Those home
less, penniless men and women
who started this country
achieved more BY SHEER
FAITH than we're accomplish.
ing today with our millions.
Laugh that off II you canl
(Copyright 1894. by King Features
Syndicate, Inc)
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Insulting Our Teachers
An Unfounded Resolution

Washington school teachers need defense either in these
columns any place else.
But think that simple justice demands disavowa
Of the implications contained in the resolution recently pre-
sened the Board of Education demanding that eachers
should not be employed in the public schools of the District
who themselves tobacco, liquor narcotics
The resolution from the District Of Columbia Public
School Association.
Residents of the city have too much to believe that
the children of the city being taught by drunkards and
narcotic addicts.
Such resolutions these do great deal harm than
good They place the adpters in the position of traducng
fine outstanding and with little evidence
to support them.
The teachers in the local schools both and women
are of the highest type They to their favor with
any group Of teachers any school system Of the country and
with any other professional group.
Their characters stand under any system of grading
So far find this resolution is the first OCCASION
upon which any group has taken the opportunity of aang
them
And believe and the majority Of people believe
that that assault is purely gratuitous.
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
BrOwnShirts sOrSpOrtShirts?
America Prefers the Latter

The football has been of the best in years
Enormous crowds turned out to watch of the finest
the gridiron has produced.
This follows the heels of of the most successful
baseball has had Football enthusiasm is paraeed
by that in other sports Uncle Sam growing vigorously
playconscious again.
Other nations may sit around and gloom the prospects
of We stand up and cheer full of life, of hope of
tdence The ism born yet who make the millions
of Americans who flock the adums march up and down
meeky in Communist Fascist any other kind Of uniforms
symbolzng the regmented sacrifice of the individual
people don't black shirts brown shirts, but sport
shirts.
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Science VetOes Socialism
Brain Trusters Notwithstanding

cit behOoUes to cling to the of tradi-
tion of prUate effort and benefaction Our main
reliance forever be upon the quality of the in
diUdual and aWs must eaUe to him the by
IOich he carry forward the pace-setting enter
prises upon vhich the leUeI of Civilization actually
depends"
Business say such things and New Dealers call them
prejudiced
But these words from Dr. Abraham Fexner director
of the Institute for Advanced Study Princeton which
intellectually than all the professors in Washington put
together and lots left over.
They mean that real science vEToEs Socialism.
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Words UnriUalLed Sources
Of MISUNDERSTANDING

yards of lieberwurSt he will
understand me just as we'll as
though I were trying to buy the
same length of sausage in some
shop in Patagonia. Words, on
the other hand, even in the
language in which they are
spoken. can never by any pos
sible chance mean exactly the
same thing to any two indi-
viduals.
Try thcn out for yourself.
God" love-" "hate"-"mercy"
-"sunset" - noise music"
Their exact meaning will depend
entirely upon the person who
uses them and the person who
hears them.
When I say Emusic" I shall
probably be thinking of Bach
and Mozart and Haydn. But
when 1 say music" to Tony
Muto, he Immediately thinks OF
"Funiculi Funicula, sole mio"
and other hurdy-gurdy classics.
He is just as bright a fellow as I.
Brighter. But the same word
means utterly different things to
us, and naturally the larger the
number of people who can be IN
doubt about the meaning Of any
given word, the greater the
chances for an absolute mlsun'
derstanding.
FOR INSTANCE
That is why the present mo-
ment in Europe is so full of dan
ger. Too many people, even in
the Balkans, can now read and
write, and are therefore able to
misunderstood their neighbors'
meaning. In the olden days.
when half a dozen diplomats
and their secretaries dealt with
the wording Of treaties and
political agreements, there was
at least a fairly reasonable
chance that they realized what
the other fellow was talking
about.
We no longer believe in that
sort of thing. We want our
diplomatic negotiations, like our
family quarrels, open and above
board and smeared all over the
front pages of our newspapers.
AS a result. every slow-wltted
peasant from the lower Danube
is now an amateur diplomat and
an ex-officio member OF the
League of Nations.
I don't know whether 2ny-
thing can be done about it. I
rather doubt it. But a very
superficial study of the affairs
of the last forty highly literature
years shows very distinctly that
international wars, international
misunderstanding, international
quarrels and chickering's have in
creased just about twenty fold
since the great philanthropists
of the eighteenth century in
sisted that knowledge Of the
alphabet was the best way to
bring about the Brotherhood of
of Man.
Fortunately the Balkans use
four different alphahets. other
wise he would have had war
the moment King Alexander
was murdered.
Copyright, 1894 by King Features
Syndicate, Incl
The Washington times., 1934-12-12


It was an unusual ceremony,
most members following the
rule of formal presentation of
election certificates on the floor.
Senator Sherman MintOn,
another new Democrat from
Indiana, who defeated Senator
Arthur r. Robinson, Repub-
lican, also called on Garner, ac-
cOmpanied by Senator Frederick
van NuyS, incumbent Democrat.
Two others to visit Cactus
Jack" we're SenatorS-elect James
E. Murray CDD of Montana,
who was accompanied by Sena-
tor Burton K. Wheeler, his
colleague; and Harry S. Tru-
man, of Missouri, who was &C
companied by his colleague,
Senator Bennett Champ Clark.
Representative B. M. Jacob.
sen, of IowG, who, 1Ohen he ar
riUed in Washington a fen
gears ago, came as one of the
first Democrats elected to the
House from the HGWEeye State
in gears, but has witnessed the
election of an almost straight
Democratic delegation from
that State, 1DilI be back IN
toUn 1Uithin a fen days.
Senator Henry w. Keyes of
New Hampshire, one of the
few remaining Republicans in
the Senate. has returned to
Washington to prepare for the
oncoming session.
Another Republican, Senator
Peter NOrbeck of South Da-
kOta, is reported to be very
sick man who may not be able
to spend much time in the Sen.
ate this session.
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

you whether
or not they
dare get mar
ried on a few
dollars a week.
My husband
made only $l2
a week when
we started
and I came
from a home
where the in
c o m e W a S
n e er lie S
t h a n S S 0
weekly.
Of course
NE had to on
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Hendrix Willem van Loon

read and write. But those 10
per cent could think ninety
times as hard and as fast as
the rest Of the community, and
so in the end the balance of
trade was all on the side of in
telligence.
What makes this business Of
reading and writing so exceed
ingly dangerous is the fact that
words are a most unsatisfactory
medium of expression. Within
the field of mathematics we
know at least more or less def
nitely what we are talking about.
Two times four make eight in
every part of the world. But
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

even there we have to proceed
carefully.
It is perfectly true that two
times four elephants make eight
elephants, and it is equally true
that two times four mice make
eight mice. But eight" ele-
plants are quite different from
"eight" mice, as you may ex'
perience for yourself any morn
ing, should you find your mouse
trap filled with elephants.
Even so, mathematics possesses
a definite characteristic which
makes it useful all the world
over. When I go to Chinaman
and tell him that I need 712
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

re ce p t on
committee for
re t ur n i ng
members Of
t h e Senate
and Senator's
elect of late.
Senator Jo-
seph Guffey,
newly elected
Democrat of
Pennsylvania,
appeared the
other day to
present h i S
credentials to
the Vice Presi-
dent, in DerSOn
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

preposterous. ! knew that I was
right when kept refusing to
read that clipping. I would
look at the headline Boot
blacks Wear Silk Hats at Work"
anG then I would put it aside.
OF course, there is one very
good way for me to find out
if the story Is true. The address
of the bootblack establishment
was given right there in black
and white. I can go down there
tomorrow and see for myself.
Copyright. 1894. by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
Articles by Robert BenchIey
appear each Monday, WedneS.
cay and Thursday.
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
The Greatest Show
On Earth
BY John Snure, T.

The fight for the position OF
majority leader in the House
is centering down to a race
betUeen tDo good friends OF
Labor.
Both of them hail from the
North.
They are Representatives
James M. Mead, of New York,
friend of the postal employees
and rdilWdy WorkerS, and John
w. McCorndck, of MdSS1chu.
SettS, Dho has played such an
actiUe part in the recent inUesti-
cation of Communism, FaSciSn1
and all other "iSnS" in the
United States.
Dapper Daniel o. Hastings,
of Delaware, chairman of the
Republican Senatorial Cam.
paign Committee, which has
folded to all intents and pur-
poses, is in town trying to map
a program for his party in the
next session. 1t was Daniel o.
Hastings who predicted last
year that the epubli cans
would pick up at least two,
maybe four, and perhaps six or
seven seats in the Senate in
November elections.
Senator John G.. Townsend,
jr., another Republican from
Delaware, is also in town, but
he hasn't much to say about
his party's program for the ses.
sion and never did.
Despite the excellent work of
the Department of Justice and
the Division of Investigation
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

When the Spielman case went
before the United States Su-
preme Court recently to test
certain provisions of recovery
legislation, Senator Robert F.
Wagner, of New York, was one
of the most interested specta-
tors. Recently returned from
Paris he took a keen interest in
the courts attitude on recovery
legislation, much of which he
has sponsored.
Vice President John Nance
Garner has become a one-man
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

in C o m b a t.
ing Grim {
+ &c e n t ! y,
there is an
u ndercurrent
Of objection
to J. E d G a r
H o O v e r
among CO n
S rv a t j v e
D e m o. rats
w h o believe
t h a t the
States should
control Grim
inals despite
the evidence
4 l. 4 AAnN
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

II d I1lcy ~ HUS"A ""V'0A
were unable to cope with un.
lawfulnesS.
Senator Alben w. Barley,
of Kentucky, Who WiH be most
dctiUe in Democratic circles at
the nert session. is making
plans for the weeks toUowing
January 3.
John Crockett, veteran read
ing clerk of the Senate, has re-
turned to Washington after a
vacation trip to the West
Coast, and from all indications
the booming voice that has
skipped over so many bills is in
a fine state Of preparedness to
run through new legislation.
Copyright. 1884. The Washington Timesl
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

the three I
prefer arith.
metic, for it is
m u h lie S S
dan 6 e r o u s
and c a u S e S
infinitely less
trouble than
t h e o t h e r
two.
After a II.
the tables of
multi p Ii c a.
ton do not
e n Cr very
m ch into
the life Of
L -N-@
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

superior snaps the flannel band
age over your toe-caps? Poll
tics? The latest church we'd
ding? Legerdemain?
Anything new down at the
Embassy, Joe?"
what are the bridesmaids
wearing?"
TOO bad about Harvard,
wasn't it? Better luck next
year,"
"I don't suppose any of you
chaps got over to London to the
big doings?"
whats the inside on the In
land Waterways bill? Any
chance for a new dam up our
way?"
"I think, if you look now,
therell be a rabbit there. l just
heard something"
You can't carry on a CONVEX
Sation along these lines with a
bootblack and then tip him. He
might tip you, but you can't run
the risk of offending a man in a
silk hat.
No-the whole thing is too
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Money Coming Back
Telephone Company Pays

NAS 0AAOAAN ~OAAAH
All the formalities the telephone have
completed and the subscribers about to get back the
money which the Chesapeake and Potomac Telephone Company
has been collecting for two and above the rates
prescribed by the Public Utilities Commission.
We're glad the is and it is guess that YOU
WILL BE GLAD TOO WHEN YOU GET CHECK FOR
TEN PER CENT OF YOUR TOTAL TELEPHONE BILL FOR
THE LAST TWO YEARS.
The telephone company could have continued its fight
against order of the Commission and have postponed the
repayment your per cent for another year two
if it hadn't won in the end.
It didn't do that and dropped the fight after the District
Supreme Court sustained the order of the Commission
In following that course we think the company showed wis
dom and desire to do what is right by its customers
And we hope will remember the spirit Of the
company the next time they get the wrong number
While we're telling the company that appreciate the
good judgement has shown in giving its court struggle
against the Commissions order word praise in order for
those who made the fight for the customers.
That fight started than two years ago when The
Washington Times called attention of the authorities to the
status the telephone company and to the fact that THERE
HADN'T BEEN A RATE REDUCTION IN MANY YEARS
Action started at by the Public Utilities Comm
sion by Assistant Corporation Counsel William A. Roberts and
by Peoples Counsel Richmond B. Keech.
Although the pubc representatives inadequatey
financed they proved to the Commission that reduction
in order Later they went into court and sustained the order
against the array of counsel and experts which the company
produced.
and the officials subjected to bitter criticism for inactv
y They had their already funds cut further by
sympathetic Congress.
Now they are able by while the company sends out
million dollar Christmas present and reduced bills which in
the future will savings of half million dollars year
to customers of the company.
We think everybody connected with this wins.
The company wins the good will of its customers The
officials win the praise which ability and courage deserve
AND THE PUBLIC WINS BACK THE MONEY WHICH IT
HAS PAID THE COMPANY.
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

Reading, writing and arith-
metic are great inventions and
I am all for them. But of
The Washington times., 1934-12-12
Will Love See Us Through?

Beaten? Discouraged? Ready
to take the count? Yes-I was
feeling that way myself 10 min.
utes ago. Then came this
Dear Miss Robinson:
I'd like to answer some Of
those correspondents who ask
The Washington times., 1934-12-12

In following that think the company showed wis
dom and desire to do what is right by its customers
hope the customers will remember the spirit of the
company the next time they get the wrong number
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1934-06-08

"Big car" pride and comfort
In this long II7g 10. b. Dodge
-. for Just a Jep dollars more.
AT LAST in these added Dodge
"A cars you can now have all the
fine things you have wanted in
motor car-yet pay but little more
than for lowest.priced cars.
Think what an amazing array of
extra Dodge advantages are now
brought within easy reach. Try to
duplicate those features in any other
car and you will know why Dodge
on an actual point for point COM
parison easily proves its superiority
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1934-06-08
48 State CCC Camps
Employ 10000 Men.

With Approximately 10000 men en-
ployed in MinneSota'S 48 Civilian Con-
servation Corps camps, who are doing
emergency conservation work under the
federal relief program, many inquiries
have been received by the Miner as to
the location of these camps. A COM
plete list follows:
State park camps are located at
Itasca, whitewater, Scenic, Jay Cook
and Gooseberry Falls state parks.
Eight soil erosion camps are at Chat
field, Houston, Caledonia, Lanesboro,
Lake City, Lewiston, Rochester and Red
Wing.
There are II state forestry camps
situated at Crimson, Finland, Rowland,
Kabetogama Lake, Cusson, Lovelis, FL
bow Lake, % miles east of Waubun;
Side Lake, % miles north of Hibbing;
Owen Lake, 80 miles north of Bovey;
Big Lake, 10 miles west of Cloquet;
Third River at Atwood; Deer Lake, IL
miles east of Fife.
The largest number of camps, % in
number, are located on federal forests:
Bena, Cut Foot Sioux Lake, Little Win
nibigoShiSh Lake, Schley, Stokes, Day
Lake, Burns Lake, Geogoka Camp, 20
miles southeast Of Ely; Wanless, 81
miles northwest of Schroeder; Halfway,
10 miles southeast of Ely; Pike Bay,
three miles south of CaSS Lake; Nor
thern Light, Is miles north of Grand
Marais; Portage River, Is miles north
west of Ely, Gunflint, % miles north
of Grand Marais; Cold Springs, 40
miles northwest of Ely.
Big Rice Lake, eight and one-half
miles north of Virginia; Sawbin, IS
miles north of Tofte; Big Lake, II
miles northwest of Cas- Lake; Dunnigan
Lake, three miles northwest of Isabella;
Good Harbor, seven miles north of
Cascade; Squaw Lake, 80 miles north
west of Deer River; Luna Lake IL miles
north of Chisholm; Inger, Is miles
northwest of Deer River.
Headquarters for the Minnesota di-
vision of the CCC are maintained at
Fort Smelling with four district offices
at Two Harbors, Hibbing, CaSs Lake and
Rochester. State divisions of Forestry
and Drainage and Waters are coopera-
ting with federal agencies.