Evening star., 1934-12-23

exactly what want for Christmas.
Or better yet, if we all sat down and
told each other exactly what We don't
want for Christmas Or still better, II we all
lust sat down.
Maybe we moderns blase but the fact
remains that it is much easier TO compile
negative list than positive gift list. especially
with Christmas only couple OF days away. AS
Stevenson-not the Stevenson you mean,
dearie-remarked:
1.-THE ,oorld is so full of oil manner OF junk
I'm sure ,oe had better stay home and get
drunk"
That, OF course Is defeatiSt attitude.
everybody adopted that attitude We wouldn't
get very far. would we? But we aren't getting
very far anyhow, SO perhaps it will do no haTm
to enumerate few Of the gifts that we couio
struggle along nicely without.
First place on our list OF undesirables goes
to pipes Much has been written in protest
against gift cigars-that is, cigars selected with
feminine eye for pretty bands and fancy boxes
But even the worst cigars are ephemeral. II
we don't smoke them they diSlntegrate OF tnelr
own accord and eventually become part OF
that rich mold of ticket stubs, burnt matches
and fluff which forms the subsoil OF the mascu-
line pocket.
DPES, however, are permanent. A good pipe
will last lifetime, and bad pipe will last
even longer because it doesn't get smoked so
often.
There are some very bad pipes displayed in
the shop windows at Christmas time-pipes
that are radiant with varniSh and gold trim
mings. Cleaning like jewels in their plush
lined cases. they are bait for the lady shopper.
She does not know that their imitation amber
mouthpieces taste of camphor or that the bowls
perSpire when warm and lose their luster In a
resinous dew. She does not realize that pipe
Is as much a part of the seasoned smokers face
as any of his God-given features, and so she
risheS in and buys him what Is in effect new
nose.
But of all gift pipes. the one to be dreaded
most Is the Sculptured meerscnaum mon
BtroSity This is an expensive article, and 1t
Is the favorite choice of grateful employees who
having observed the boss putting his battered
bFier decide to chip in and get him something
really nice.
Last Christmas Mr. Smiths -Smythe's Office
staff gave him a meerschaum pipe that looked
like a triumph of the confectioner's art. The
stem tapered down gracefully from the mouth
piece, and then hared up and out like horn
Of plenty-or too much, as far as Mr. Smith
6mythe was concerned. Three dolphins inter-
twined on the stem supported the base of the
bowl with their tails. A bevy Of bacchantes
sapered around the bowl itself, while on the
front, or Prov Of the pipe stood the figure Of q
bearded gnome holding aloft tiny tankard
Although he felt like a bull pup worrying q
golf trophy, Mr.. Smith -Smythes sense of duty
compelled him to smoke this pipe diligently at
the Office, and for two weeks he transacted all
bis business while peeking over the left shoulder
Of the bearded gnome. Then he began to suffer
attacks Of giddiness. At times he was almost
% giddy as the pipe ITSELF and his doctor finally
ordered him to give it up entirely lest he be-
come permanently cross-eyed That wss
break for Mr.. Smith -Smythe. Its very pleas
ant to curl up with pipe and a good book, " he
admitted, but not when the pipe curls up, too"
A MOTHER gift that can easily dispense
with this year, or any other year, is the
footstool In the pre-furnace era, when win
terry drafts swept across the floor and up the
chimney, footstools had their purpose. They
were useful as a refuge from mice, pug dogs and
high water. Lads in Fauntleroy velveteens
could sit on them gracefully while grandma
described the wonders of the Philadelphia
Centennial.
But in q parlor- bed room and be e-out- -in-a-
minute apartment there is no place for a foot
stool, especially one of those modernstic foot
STOOLS abounding in corners that are just shin
deep. It Is only something to be hurdled by
day and fallen over by night. Its raison d'etre
is that it will serve an extra seat when you
have q party. But as you may have noticed,
It b invariably occupied by the talleSt man ct
the party He crouches on it all evening, peer
Ing dismally his knees and assuring his
hostess in slightly muft1ed voice that he l.