The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1934-03-19


to me delriousy happy. Horseshoe pitching appears
to be the traditional recreation Of all retired men,
bers Of the middle class I not see myself as
getting full day out Of that. Retired capitalists
live somewhat more varied twenty-four hours and
yet even in their eyes catch note Of restessness
F. P A. has announced on many occasions that
If he had million dollars he never would write
a paragraph
The controversy is quite academic on both sides,
but wholly disagree with him. One of the penal
ties Of being a columnist is that you put yourself
in the hre-horse class. I'd drop poker, winning
streak at the track and run of No. II in an IN
slant to thump the keys about anything which
commanded my interest. I'd have to- In fact, 1
think a good form of contract would be for the
columnist to get paid only for his days. On such
occasions he has right to say You ought to pay
for Friday boss. That hard work. You
don't think 1 wrote that purpose"
The most prominent member of Miamis retired
mems club is George AIDE, who for a time was
reporter. I believe Mr. AIDE does little work in
freshening up his Fables in Slang" for syndicate
purposes but he is in the main retired. Very little
has come from his pen in the last ten years have
no inside information to whether or not Mr. AIDE
is happy, but do hate to see him quite so retired
Room for More of Mr.. DOOIey
1T is none of my business, and yet Ieel grieved
i to find any man who was so essential in Amerl-
letters going A w. o. L. The last time ran
into Peter Dunno 1 almost tempted to wiggle
an admonitory finger his face and say. You
have a right to do some more about Mr. Dooley
Time has dealt more kindly with the observations
of the philosopher of Arcy Road than with the pat
tiers which were spun by Mr.. AIDE. Certain phrases
out of Mr. Dooley still stride sidewalks of memory
and need not give incn to any man.
The years have rolled over AIDES medium, al
though not his subject matter. I mean the ideas
still vital but the turn OF the phrase, according
to the American idiom, is hopelessly out OF date
AS a matter Of fact, gravey suspect that George
AIDES slang was never more than device. He had
no such knowledge of the American language at
any time has been mastered by Lardner, Mencken,
WincheI, Runyon and Hemingway 1 do not rank
RUnyOn as yet on par with Lardner IN the art OF
the short story but on ear alone ne leads the pack.
But even if it were not quite true AIDE did have
the reputation in his day of being in the thick OF
the current Today he is so retired. aloof from
life and so naive that he has asked me what horse
I thought would win the current race. To be sure,
even if George AIDE writes another line he is
sure Of place in any deinitive history of American
literature and the American theater. People who
think that there no satire IN our musical COM
edy until kaufman and Ryskind have quite forgot
ten The Sultan of Suu.'
AIDES Great Prizefght Beat
A ND both The County Chairman" and THE Col
n lege Widow" have inspired at least hundred
hits in the last twenty years. Mr.. AIDE told me sadly
that when an effort was made recently to sell The
College Widow for talking picture rights it was
discovered that the story already had been done
dozen times under various names in Hollywood. Mr..
AIDE seems to be pretty clipper even though he did
report the championship fight between COrbett and
Sullivan He beat the town by half an hour by
jumping into a cab after the knockout. All the
telegrapherS at the ring so engrossed by the
contest that they left the copy pile up by their wires
and sent nothing while the fight was The ring
was more romantic then. and Mr.. AIDE told me he
actually saw many men in the New Orleans arena
who wept literal tears because the reign of John L.
Sullivan ended.
But what I liked best was his story of James
Whitcomb Riley and the undertaken who called him
self a mortician. Riley always hated the man. I
know he'll get in the end" said the poet, but
until then Just want to keep away from him And
Riley died. and his body was committed to the NOR
tician who left it in outer room. When he re-
turned the door bolted on the inside. Negro
helper was assigned to go up a ladder and through
the window. Halfway up he paused and asked
Who's in that room cept Mr. Riey?" Nobody,
said the mortican. Then who bolted the doOr?"
They could not answer the question and the
Negro came down quickly from the ladder. Even
tualy this took of the hinges but the mystery Of
Riley ana the inner bolt has not been solved from
that day until this.
Copyright, 1884 The Tmesl