davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07
The Word "Three''
By Robert BenchLey

use of it, an extra syllable was
added, making it "triouille,"
meaning whitehall or Roger
crab. We still are no nearer
than we were to finding out how
it came to mean three of any,
thing. Don't think that I'm not
just as worried as you are.
With the advent of water.
power and the subsequent
water-pistol, Luke duke was
the fellow was speaking of a
few yards back) didn't know
what to do. Unless I am greatly
mistaken, this paragraph be"
longs in another article.
Well, anyway, the people who
are making up the English
language found themselves with
names for every digit except
three" And, as there were
three of quite a lot of things
Marx Brothers, blind mice,
wishes and cent stamps) it got
increasingly embarrassing not
to have a word to express
"three." They tried using the
word -four" but it ended only
in confusion, especially when
addition or subtraction was at
stake.
Suddenly, someone said:
"Why don't we take the word
"tri" from the French? They'll
never miss it, and they owe it
to us anyway" This seemed
like a logical plan, and every
body but one man agreed to it.
He later committed suicide
when he found out how success
fully it had worked out. Il
was a blind fool" he wrote.
AS it sounded rather common
to say "tri," they put in an III"
and substituted a double &c" for
the 81" This made as pretty a
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

But never Mindful forgive
my rooined beauty, youngster,
for the sake of what you did
to my heart.
Queer thing about my heart.
Lately it has been getting
that out-of- circulation + e cling
that's bothering us all. And I
certainly didn't think YOU
were going to do anything
about it, kid, when I picked
UP your bunch Of yarns.
But before I'd read a dozen
pages, there I was. crying.
HURT WOMAN
Over what? Just a dozen
words about a homely, hurt
woman praying for love.
Have known that woman?
BY the thousands! Maybe
but this is just between us
maybe I've BEEN her! What
skirt hasn't!
Crying. I tell you. Then
laughing.
Then Shuddering. Shudder.
ing because I, too, knew some
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

harajah set to work American
izing the system of education.
Boys and girls have to go to
school there now until they are
IA. Child marriages are for
hidden and, through the efforts
of the Maharanee. an ardent
feminist who had accompanied
him to America, the emanci'
patton of woman has been
worked out.
His wealth is fabulous, and
yet he has seemed to regard it
as a trust to be wisely admin
istered.
In his white stucco palace in
Baroda there is strong room
which holds 10 million dollars
worth of gold, silver and jewels.
The prizes of the collection
are The Star of the South,
diamond of 125 carats, a collar
of 500 diamonds with a double
row of pearl-shaped emeralds,
a carpet Of pearls, a pair of sill,
yer cannon and another pair of
solid gold.
The Maharajah has packed a
full life into his II years. He
has hobnobbed with royalty
from the lays Of Victoria to
those Of George V.
He has played the games Of
the West, tennis, golf and polo,
while his favorite sport has re-
manned hunting Of the tiger.
A PARADOX
He is a paradox deSpot
who practices and breaches
democracy, a humanitarian who
can aStound SNUG Occidentals
like ourselves when he talks as
he did at Chicago last year on
our shortcomings in putting our
Christian beliefs into practice.
Ponder on thoughts such as
these:
Science has united the world,
but it is divided socially, eco
nomically and politically.
Man can weigh and analyze
the farthest planet. Can he or
ganize the one he lives on?
Religion is needed and will
survive, for man is incurably re-
hgious. If there were no God,
he would invent one.
Man needs a simple, strong,
sincere and serene faith"
Many more striking passages
were in that lesson in philos-
ophy which seemed quite re-
markable since it came from an
autocrat who has a gold car
riage to ride around in. But he
is a remarkable man.
Copyright. 1894. by King Features
Syndicate. Inc.J
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07
Human Side of the News = By Edwin c. Hill

The second richest prince in
India is in our midst, going
about the country incognito,
and studyin.; us and our ways
as he did on his first visit to
America % years ago.
True, he was here again last
year, but that was for only a
short, official trip to the Chi
cago fair. The Maharajah
Gaekwar of Baroda, for such he
is, has one of the most inter.
esting biographies yet unwrit-
ten.
A ploughboy of the eastern
world, he was plucked from the
farm at the age of Is to be-
come the absolute master Of a
state of 5000 square miles and
a population of two million
souls.
Fifty-eight years has he ruled
wisely and we'll, giving his state
a code of liberalism such as
Bob La Toilette was to give to
Wisconsin and AL Smith to
New York, when they were
governors of these States.
GREAT WEALTH
The Maharajah, this time,
arrived unheralded on the
Europa. It was quite different
back in May, 1906, when a
large crowd gathered in New
York awaiting the Celtic on
which he was a passenger.
Great was the disappointment!
They had come to see a man
in colored silks and turban,
with his golden carriage, price
less diamonds, and, perhaps his
elephants.
What they did see was a
small, brown man who spoke
the most precise English. A
peacock potentate come here
for the adulation of the four
hundred and the bowling and
scraping of the fooi? Far
from it,!
This was a student and
statesman, with no time for
the drawing room, but all the
time at his disposal for the
workshop and the classroom.
He travelled from the At
lantic to the Pacific and when
he was leaving, the reporters
pressed him, as they did every
visitor in those days Of the
Gibson girl, for his opinion on
the American women. And he
said:
After reading and hearing
all that I have about the won
derful beauty of the women in
this country, I have failed to
see it and I have travelled over
the greater part of the coun-
try. I grant YOU that she is
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

OusClCO DFHHuolS IOC years nave
extended credit to members of
Congress and have failed to
collect when members con-
tended they were in a position
to claim immunity from trial.
Under the Supreme Court
ruling, such members might be
taken to court, although the
trial court could rule as they
may do in the Long case that
the charges might 90 I'm.
GnSDered.
It has been the practice Of
Capitol restaurants to extend
credit to members.
On the books today stand
various records of unpaid food
and cigar bills.
The ultimate outcome Of the
Long case is uncertain. But the
ruling may make the Capitol
Hill boys a bit more careful in
the future.
Copyright 1894, The Washington
Times)
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07
Want to Feel Like ''Ten

Want to Feel Like "Ten
MilliOn?" Here's Your
Chance
This is going to be a repietD
about Mark Rellinger's neD
book, 1.-THE TEN MILLION"
Marks a SyndicGted colunlniSt.
EUerj day he tells a yarn about
people-all kinds of people.
They are swell yarns. FGrrar
and Rinehart haze bound 81
of Marks yarns into a book
that costs $3.50.
TWotitty's a lot OF money
these days. And, OF course,
you shouldn't cut do1Un on
your milk and spinach for any
Writer on earth-unleSS it
might be ME. But, barring
that, here's the best use you
can possibly make of that
much cash. Which I'm going
to tell the Big Boy Dith thanks.
Dear Mark:
You'd no business doing it.
Not, at any rate, until we were
introduced. Making me cry
Now crying may be becoming
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07
The Greatest Show
On Earth
Bv John Snure, Jr.

approval. The document was
copied and mailed.
After thousands Of copies had
been sent out, q worker dis
covered two pages Of the in
StructiOns on the floor.
They had been left out Of the
instructions entirely.
A unanimous decision of the
United States Supreme Court
handed do1On BY Justice Bran.
deiS holds that Senator Huev
P. Long must stand trial in the
District of Columbia Supreme
Court in a 100000 libel suit
filed By Samuel T. AnSell, coun-
sci for the Senate Investigating
committee that inquired into
the election of Senator John
H. OUerton, Longs colleague.
The decision, handed down
shortly before the opening Of the
next session of Congress, comes
at an OppOrtune moment, some
persons believe.
They contend it will have q
quieting effect on certain men,
berS who have a tendency to
deal roughly with the characters
Of their opposition.
Mr.. Long had contended that,
Dhile in attendance in the Dis.
trict, members of Congress
were protected BY immunity IN
ciUil cases from arrest and
SerUice of summons.
Justice Brandeis said that the
contention was erroneous and
that members could not SuS-
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

I don't know whether you
care or not, but genealogical
circles are in an uproar. They
have just discovered what the
word "three" comes, from.
They have known the deriva-
ton of all the other words in
the number table Gas, for ex-
ample, 1.-TWO" from Tuesday"
or the second day in the week
if you don't count Sunday as
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

to you. You're
only 31-and
perhaps a Ill
mulberry mot
ting merely
adds to your
C h i ldlsh ap-
peal. But I'm
81. Not a love
ly, wan 81,
but one Of
those big,
buxom, blouzy
babies h a t
e m o t i n G
m q K eS look
like q boiled
dinner.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

Gdlu . u v ~ -
claim.
In view Of
decision it is
expected that
m e m b e r 3,
knowing there
is a possibil-
ity that they
will be called
to trial in
c " IL suits,
will deal more
carefully with
the truth.
S tore s in
Washing t o.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

three" as you could wish, and,
from that day on, it was part Of
the language. They tried it out
in little rhyme: "One-two.
three-buckle my Shoe" and it
went so well that soon every
body was saying it.
Frankly, I don't know whether
like it, as word, or not. 1t
still sounds a little slangy.
Copyright. 1894, by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
Articles BY Robert Benchley
appear each Monday, WedneS-
day and Thursday.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

I n t h e
Democr a tic
stronghold of
he Senate
they will now
have time to
t h q n k their
guardian an
gels for as
SiStance rem
dered.
Finan c ial
angels W e re
few and far
between in
this last cam.
paign, partic-
ularIy in the
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07
Wise Words

The best rules to form for q
young man are, to talk little, to
hear much, to reflect alone
what has passed in company, to
distrust ones own opinions and
value others that deserve it
Temple.
OF all the evil spirits abroad
at this hour in the world, in
sincerity is the most dangerous.
-Froude.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

Another election has come
and gone and for q time the
lnsistent voices of campaign
orators are stilIed.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

ClVll DEVICE Laws
Down and Almost Out
"Without regard to CiUi1 Service IauOs or the
classification act of 1928"
These words having great vogue in Washington and
their too frequent causing considerable perturbation
not only among employees but well among all
those who interested in good efficiently ad
ministered.
They are the words that spokesman when he wants
to substitute political subsevience for merit the quaifica
ton for Government job.
Those who believe that public Jobs are political plumber
are having heyday in Washington
The last Congress probably set record in creating
Jobs which exempted from the Civil Service.
The process still going without any sign Of abatement
Is agencies are created under executive orders.
about time for the public to realize that this
ter in which every has interest AND IT IS
ALSO ABOUT TIME FOR THOSE WHO PAY THE BILLS
sPoILs SYSTEM WHICH A FEW WEEKS AGO AP-
ITS DOMINANCE.
About the only people who talk about the merit system
with degree Of fidelity the Government employees
themselves and few students of government who have
way of putting their ideals into effect
The Government employees who bearing the burden
defending the merit system are at distinct disadvantage
Everyone suspects them of acting only in sefnterest Most
Of think that the only they shouting about the
merit system because they want to protect their own JOBS
SELFISH THING THAT THE GOVERNMENT employees
HAVE EVER UNDERTAKEN IS THEIR CHAMP1oN1NG
OF THE MERIT SYSTEM Those who strongest in the
fight already protected by the system and have been
given their jobs under that system
They have nothing personally to gain through protecting
jobs which be created after they have entered the service
Probably the real reason for the interest of the Govern
ment employees in the extension of the merit system
all Government positions their natural pride in improving
the efficiency of the service which they represent.
That laudable pride and which it would happy
thing to have extended to all Of our citizens
Too frequently delight in running down the Govern
service little realizing that that service is simply all of
US rolled into unit
If would change that attitude the burden of protecting
the civil service system would be left the Government
employees
WE WOULD ALL TAKE AN INTEREST IN WHAT IS
REALLY THE AFFAIR OF ALL OF US AND WE WOULD
PUT A STOP TO THE RAPIDLY SPREADING SYSTEM
OF PUTTING PUBLIC JOBS ON THE POLITICAL AUG
TON BLOCK.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

frank, independent and al
together pleasing, but I have
failed to see her beauty"
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

Back in his state of Baroda,
an agricultural district to the
northwest of Bombay, the Ma
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-07

Those who believe that public jobs political plumber
are having heyday in Washington
The last Congress probably set record in creating
Jobs which were exempted from the Civil Service
The process still going without any sign Of abatement
rs new agencies are created under executive orders.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30
COLLEGE RADICALISM

Expulsion of five students, recognized
leaders among the student body of Uni
VerSlty OF California at Los Angeles,
seems to bear out charges that radicalism
Is rampant at this state institution
Ihe students are charged with being
active workers in behalf of the National
Student league, declared to be a Commu
nistic. organization, designed to foster
radicalism among college students.
These expulsions emphasize the need
OF the American people to take a def
mite stand against radicalism and to lay
low for once and for all the belief that
because the constitution of the United
States guarantees individual liberty. this
gives the individual the right to work
against the government of which the con-
stltutlon is the cornerstone.
That is the sole purpose of Commu-
nlsm-to tear down and destroy our ex-
listing form of government. This very
TACT nullifies any claim radicals NAV
make to constitutional protection If they
don't recognize the constitution - and
they don't-they cannot logically claim
its protection.
There is no reason why the hard work.
ing farmer, the laborer, the businessman
or the professional man, should be pay
ing out his tax money to support an in
stltutlon which in turn harbors within it
those who would destroy the institutions
and the government which enable the
farmer, the laborer, the businessman and
the professional man to make the money
to pay their taxes.
The taxpayers have the right to de-
mand that those receiving an education at
their expense shall respect and conform
to the laws of the country. Radicals do
not respect and conform to the laws and
don't pretend to do so. They are loud in
claiming their rights but are very silent
on the subject of their duty. This gov
ernment not only confers rights but de-
mands certain duties, as any we'll regu-
lated organization must.
The percentage of radicals in our col
leges is relatively small, but even so, it
should be weeded out, and most emphat-
ically so at institutions which the state is
supporting Educating future good citi-
zens of the United States is one thing,
and the people of the country are willing
to sacrifice to the fullest to accomplish
it. Educating future destroyers of the
United States cannot and must not be
tolerated.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30
WEIR ENDORSED

In supporting Frank g. Weir for the
combined office of assessor-collector,
The Press does so in the belief that his
four years Of experience in the office of
assessor, gives him a familiarity with the
duties of the combined offices which will
enable him to give maximum of eff
cient service to the voters of Imperial
county.
During his regime as assessor Weir
has striven diligently to place the assess
ment of Imperial Valley property on
more equitable basis, a course which has
not always met with favor among tax
payers but which, in the long run, is much
fairer to the combined taxpayers of the
county than the old system in use for
years.
In seeking to tax land according to its
productivity, it has been found necessary
to increase the tax payments of some,
which has caused the assessor to be criti-
cized by those affected by the increase
However, in an adjustment such as the
revaluation of land calls for, there are
bound to be some who will consider them
selves unfairly treated, but the adjust
ment is justified if it makes for more
equitable taxation
Weir has been faithful and conscien-
tious in performing the duties of his Of
flee, establishing the same sort of record
as assessor that he did as superintendent
of the county farm, where his admins
tration was outstanding for smoothness
and efficiency, earning for him the COM
mendation of citizens, officials and men,
bers of various grand juries.
Believing that efficient service should
always be taken into consideration in
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30
BEDTIME STORIES
By HOWARD E. GARRIS
Copyright 1884 by Mcclure Newspaper Syndcate)

cold there will be no flowers anc
we shall freeze
why don't you fly down to tho
warm and sunny Southland?" sakec
Uncle Wiggily.
I'VE are not strong enough tc
fly so far" said the little butter
fly. "All we can do now is to dance
while we may. Soon we shall be toe
cold and stiff to dance and we shall
die for want of honey to eat
That is rather sad spoke Mr.
Longears, as he twinkled his pink
nose on one side, saving the other
side until later. Have you nC
friends who will take you in for the
Winter, keeping you where it is
warm and feed you sugar and water
if they can't give you honey?"
"Alasl We have no such friends.
said the larger butterfly. Many
love to look at us dancing in the
sunshine in Summer. But when cold
weather comes no one seems to
think of U.S."
Il am going to think of you'll
said Uncle Wiggily, all of a sudden
and now he twinkled his pink nose
on both sides. You may come and
stay all Winter in my warm bun
galow. Nurse Jane shall feed you
on sugar and water and then you
will be all right
"Oh, that will be lovely, Uncle
Wiggilyl' said the little red butter
fly. I'VE are no longer sad. We are
happy"
Wish to Reciprocate
What can we do to pay you
back for being SO kind to us?" asked
the large butterfly as all Of them,
in a beautiful red cloud, fluttered
about the rabbit gentleman's head
as they flew back with him to the
bungalow. we want to do some
thing for you"
Just be as beautiful as you are
now said the rabbit. THAT will be
enough" But the butterflies soon
did a favor, if not to Uncle Wig
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30
SIX DIE IN
OHIO BLAZE

EAST LIVERPOOL, Ohio, Oct.
80 W.P)-Six persons were burned
to death today when fire of an un-
determined origin destroyed a two
room home on what police describ-
ed as "squatterland" in the Dry
Run district here:
The dead:
Ralph Lane, 38, a millworker; an
unidentified woman about 40, and
Lanes four children, two girls and
two boys, ranging from 8 to 16 years
in age.
The fire was discovered by a
watchman at the Johnson China
company plant. ....
Advised by neighbors that the
Lane children were believed to be in
the structure, firemen broke down
the charred sides of the home and
found the bodies of the children in
bed.
In another room they found the
bodies of the man and woman, erect
in chairs.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30
Doctors Discuss
.SociaIized Trend

OKLAHOMA CITY, Oct. 80. tU.P5
Physicians discussed the trend to-
ward socialized medicine today at
the Oklahoma City clinical society
conference in the light of their
national leaders attitude. The con-
ference, with 700 doctors attending,
was in its second day.
DR.. Walter l.. Bierring, presi-
dent of the American Medical as
Sociation, told the conference that
I'VE must not destroy the exist
ing relations between patient and
DOCTOR He said the profession was
awaiting with interest the outcome
of a federal survey of health in
Surance needs.
The Des Moines specialist recall
led that the profession has always
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30

gily to one of his many friends.
They reached the bungalow and
Nurse Jane set out many saucers of
sugar and water for the beautiful
insects to eat instead of honey. And
that night, cooking supper, Nurse
Jane spilled some hot water on her
tail and burned it most painfully.
"Oh, how it burns! How it burns!"
squeaked the muskrat lady.
Let us cool it off for you'll" said
the large butterfuly Come, my
friends" he called to the others.
With our wings we shall fan Nurse
James tail and keep it cool until it
no longer hurts her" So the kind
butterflies, perched on Nurse James
tail, Tapping their red wings up
and down like electric fans and
making the burn cool so that it no
longer hurt. That's how they did a
favor. And if the sugar spoon will
jump off the egg beater and let the
bread knife have ride, I'll tell
next about Uncle Wiggily's Hallow-
cen.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30
EDITORIAL PAGE
and
FEATURES
SUPPORT THEM

The Press endorses the follow
ing candidates for election on
November 6:
Frank j. Merriam for governor
George J. Hatfield for lieutenant
governor.
George Burnhan for congress.
II. g. CatteU for board of equal
ization.
Clarence Walker tor assembly
man.
Vaughn N. Thompson for supe-
rior Judge.
j. Sterling OsWalt for sheriff.
Frank @. Weir for assessor.
1. Mayfield for Justice of peace.
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30

Howell, chairman of the commits
sion, inquired after the doctors
health.
We'll, III tell you," Eckner said,
smiling and speaking with a strong
accent, Il didn't sleep so well last
night" Dr.. Eckner said it that
way.
I'm sorry" Howell replied.
"Why?"
I got tangled up with two OF
your American mince pies" the
doctor explained, and I'm not
used to that"
The department Of interior has
produced another installment of
its nature notes. which always are
awaited eagerly for the startling
information which they contain.
The new chapter Is no disappoint-
Imperial Valley press., 1934-10-30

ment. Here are the facts:
A squirrel can carry in its cheeks
80 peanuts at one time.
A badger tried to bite Guy Hop
ping acting superintendent of
Grant National park in the foot,
but Hopping escaped, hopping.
The wild flowers in Hot Springs
National park are pretty.
M. v. Walker. a ranger in the
Petrified Forest National Monument
Of Arizona watched horned toad
give birth to 19 little horned toads.
Eighteen were living, but one was
dead.
The door of the lunchroom at Mt.
Rainier National park is studded
with spikes to keep out the bears.