davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Wise Words

You cannot escape necesSi-
ties: you can conquer them
Seneca.
What is clear is wise, but
what ic not clear is not wise
Euripides.
In fact there's nothing that
keeps its youth so far as I know,
but a tree and truth.
Music's the medicine Of the
mind.-Logan.
A few honest men are better
than numbers.-CromWeN.
Man is natures sole mistake.
Gilbert.
Despair and confidence both
Danish fear.-Stirling.
Nothing leads to good which
Is not natural.-Schiller.
Joy may be a miser, but sor-
rows purse is free.-Stoddard.
/ Force is no remedy.-Rright.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Dumb Animals Haze No Pat
ent on Real Dun1bneSS

ises. One of the reasons why I
personally haven't been in a
railroad train more than three
times in the past eight years
(unless I absolutely had to-, is
the high-handed stupidity with
which the railroads insist upon
treating our dogs.
I understand, Of course, that
they must insist upon muzzles
and other safeguards, but when
they force small puppies to
travel alone in baggage cars it
shows a lack of all understand
ing of animal psychology (Which
is very different from human
psychology.
SHEER STUPIDITY
Not what Woollcott told, and
what seemed so unbelievable
that it must be true, (becauSe
he never could have invented it)
is the fact that there are still a
number of railroads and a num-
ber of restaurants and a number
of hotels and office buildings
which will not allow blind man
to bring his dog inside their
doors.
It is the same thing as if they
asked those of us who can see
to leave our eyes at the entrance
gate to their hallowed precincts.
But what makes this so abso-
1utely hopeless is the fact that
such regulations are not the re-
suit of out-and-out cruelty, but
of sheer stupidity, Of lack OF
vision and aWareness. And it
is that sort of dumbness that
a thousand-fold repeated is re-
sponsible for most of the dis
comforts of the present world.
For if an individual can turn
a blind mans dog out in the
cold, he has the sort of mental.
ity that doesn't allow him to
see what harm he does when he
tries a little flyer on the market
with other peoples money, or
sells couple or warships to the
Japanese just to see what will
happen.
Syndicate, Inc.)
Copyright 1894, by King Features
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

Alma's edging so nova pa
thetic, withered husk Of a
woman. For 80 years she wait
ed to marry Fred Stone-and
didn't, because of Poor Mama.
There was nothing really against
Fred, but Alma was firm be-
lever in the "mustn 't-hurt-the-
other-fellow" test. Obviously, II
marrying Fred DID hurt some
one else, there must be some
thing wrong about it.
And Mama made it extremely
plain that said marriage would
hurt HER. So Alma waited
wondering a little at Gods in
scrutable rulings, but sure that
in the end virtue would be re-
warded.
CHEATS SELF
Last year, a month before
poor Mama died, Fred up and
married his red-headed stenog-
rapher. Now Alma's all alone
bewildered and bitter.
How COULD God cheat her
so, after all she'd done? What's
the use of Being Good and Do
ing Your Duty if that's your re-
ward?
God, Of course, didn't cheat
Alma. She cheated herself by
her own needless sacrifice God
neither demands nor appreciates
such sacrifices. He gives life,
and expects His children to use
that good gift joyfully, proudly
and usefully. If they don't,
that's their own falkland
they'll have to take the conse-
quences.
But it would have hurt Poor
Mama-?"
It would-but that was Poor
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
We Need An Airport
We Also Need Parks

There isn't any doubt that the National Capital needs
MORE ADEQUATE AIRPORT FACILITIES, but doubt
if the suggestion Potomac Park into landing
field is the solution.
This plan first proposed several months ago and the
other day the Federal Aviation Commission took the project
to the White House to interest the President.
We hope the President interested in the general
sn Of establishing decent airport for the city and knowing
his interest in the development of flying believe he
The President however, has also demonstrated his interest
in parks and play spaces And hope he will continue that
demonstration peristg in the opposition which he announced
yesterday to converting this park into airport.
If it absolutely essential to rob the city of of its
most attractive parks in order to establish airport
would favor it.
It isn't essential and those who have devoted most time
TO studying the situation realize that fact.
There plenty Of land in and around Washington for air
port facilities There dozen propositions which have
been made to establish such port
There has been general approval of the proposal to create
an airport at Gravely Point spot which would be
venen the city and would provide all the space that would
be needed.
WE DON'T HAVE TO SACRIFICE PARK TO GET AN
AIRPORT.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

has one huge narcotic farm"
under construction and an
other contemplated for treat
ment of addicts, at the present
time there i. no Federal agency
where victims of dope may re-
ceive adequate tratment.
Up to date 800 prisoners
haze been 'nken in the driue
against crime. The majority
of the arrested persons use
dope in v1rious forms.
And the United States is
sadly lacking in institutions
where the untortunGteS may be
treated.
The farm" at Lexington, KY,
which is under construction,
may be completed early in 1885
and be ready to receive pa
tients April /, provided that
all conditions are favorable and
all contingencies are met.
The second farm" proposed
for Fort Worth, Tex, has not
been started and bids have not
been let.
The Lexington farm" will
house 1000 patients and the
r: Worth institution prob
ably will house a few less pa
tientS.
Although the field Of treat
menJ for narcotic addiction
is one which has been studied
only slightly, it has been deter
mined that it requires months
or years to effect a "cure" for
addicts.
Patients may spend months
without the use of narcotics
but in nine cases out of ten
they will return to the habit
following their release. on the
slightest provocation.
A slight cut. a cold, or any
minimum pain may be enough
to start them oft again.
Consequently, institutions de-
voted to treatment of addicts,
and there are only a few, at
tempt to keep their patients at
outdoor work, in excellent sur
roundings for a long period of
time.
For this reason prisons and
hospitals that subject addicts
to a treatment" lasting only
a few weeks do little or no
good.
Federal officers in charge of
enforcement of narcotic laws
have been forced to turn aside
patients who requested treat
ment from time to time because
Of inadequate facilities.
With several hundred persons
arrested in the present drive
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

love to write H. w. van Loon
of the good things of this earth,
so often feel obliged to do a
bit of calamity bowling.
I think I know the reason.
The good things of this earth
are still all of them there,
but then came that mysterious
revolution which turned the
whole world upside down. AS a
result some who used to do
the shoe-Shining in the base
ment are now the occupants of
the executive chambers, while
others, who used to sit in the
seats of the mighty are now
doing the shoe-shining in the
basement.
All this has brought about a
complete change in our taste
and our manners, and as long
as our big radio, movie and
theatrical corporations include
people without taste, we shall
undoubtedly continue to hear
and see the sort of things
which are offered us now dis
guised as public entertainment.
JUST TRASH
When I said, therefore, that
much of the stuff coming over
the radio was third-rate trash,
I meant third-rate trash and
just that; badly modulated
voices, the wrong pronunciation,
fourth and fifth rate orchestras!
And then, once in while, some
thing as sublime as that concert
of the Philadelphia Philharmonic
Symphony Orchestra last Sat-
urday, when they played Iris
tan and Isolde" in such a way
that I wonder that old Richard
Wagner didn't return from his
grave to listen in and hear how
the thing should be done; once
in a while something like Bruno
Walters marvellous performance
of Gluck in New York the other
Gay; once III a long W1l1Ie 4AESc
rate entertainment.
But too often it Is Just the
regular commercial hash which
all Of us know by heart. There
fore a body is mighty grateful
when one single evening brings
two well-modulated and civilized
voices, those of Mrs. Roosevelt
and Alexander Woollcott.
Afterwards I was, however.
sorry that I had listened to
Woollcott, for he told me of
those things that are so hope
lessly stupid, so unforgivably
stupid, that involuntarily it
makes you want to go out and
hit somebody on the schnozzle.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Listen, World!
Bv Elsie Robinson

Mama's bad luck. If Mama, by
her own selfishneSS, put herself
in position where she would
be hurt by the normal processes
of life, then she deserved to be.
And Alma was neither de-
voted nor dutiful in shielding
Mama from that hurt. Alma
should have married her Fred
and given Mama the works.
Which would, undoubtedly, have
been extremely good for what
allied her.
The simple truth is that it is
IMPOSSIBLE to take any brave
step without hurting SOMEONE.
We are all coWardly by nature,
and we have advised a social
order designed to protect cow.
ards.
ALL STALWART THINKERS
ENDANGER THAT ORDER. E.
ALL DOUBTERS. .... ALL EX-
PERIMENTERS. ALL AD-
VENTURERS OR REBELS. Yet
it is manifestly impossible for
life to proceed without expert
ments, adventures and rebel.
lions. So what?
THE PRICE
So. somebody's bound to be
stepped on. And yell. Then
proceed to alibi the yell with
some blooey bit Of Sentimen-
tality.
But should you let that mat.
ter? Or should you say-"Ill
stand by you and consider your
feelings as long as you are will
ing to live as bravely, honestly
and decently as I wish to live.
But when you try to block my
action simply because you're
too lazy, stupid, timid or selfish
to play the game-WE SPLIT.
And you'll have only yourself
to thank"
Nor is it always THE OTHER
FELLOW who's apt to be hurt
by a lively life. It's doubtful if
you can take a progressive step
without giving yourself beat
ing.
Noble Deeds are swell to con-
template-or boast about when
you're old and the wounds are
all healed. But they usually
raise Cain with your comfort
while you're performing them.
Personally, I've never yet com.
mitted one without feeling after
ward as if I'd been through a
concrete mixer!
But what of it? That's life.
If you want 1t, you've got to pay
the price.
Copyright 1894. by King Features
Syndicate. Incl
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

Chinese people really under
stand Chinese. 1t is just an af.
fectation with them. They
don't know what they are say.
ing any more than we do.
I happen to know for a fact
that Chinese people speak Chi.
nese only in front of strangers,
just to impress them. When
they get together by themselves
afterward, they repeat every.
thing they have said in English
and have a good laugh over the
joke they have played on the
Gringoes. (They call us Grin.
goes" because of an old song,
"Gingoes Maine, So Goes the
NationD.
I don't know whether or not
the above fact has ever leaked
out, but I think that we all
have suspected it. I got my
information from a renegade
Chinaman who failed to get a
low number for his automobile
license from the Peiping author.
tiles.
He also told me that China
is not as old a country as it pre-
tends to be. It was founded in
1645, as a matter-of-fact. Up
until that date it had just been
lying around. And gunpoWder
was actually discovered by the
AreminianS.
However, enough of this scan
dal-mongering! The fact re-
mains that all this talk about
prohibiting profane language
over Chinese radios is just ges-
ture. So long as you can't see a
Chinaman'S face, you can't tell
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
The New Chinese Ban
Bu Robert BenchLey

First Mustapha Kemal Pasha
prohibits Oriental music in Tur-
key, and now the the Chinese
central publicity committee has
prohibited the use of profane
language over the radio in
China. Is liberty dead through
out the world? Have our older
civilizations gone sissy?
In prohibiting profane Ian.
guage in Chinese, the C. P. c.
has got a laugh right there.
How does anybody know when
Chinese is profane and when it
isn't you can't tell me that the
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Business Goes Ahead
When Let Alone

American business refuses to be outdsanced by foreigners
~-as long as it has American science to help it.
Germany and Italy, seeking to keep out American cotton
have developed fabrics made out of wood pulp America
needing to compete with these fabrics has found what
Francis p Gavan president of The Chemical Foundation
sders revolutionary method of making artificial fabrics out
of slash pine which is plentiful in the South.
the Government will leave business alone it will create
all of industrial of keeping the factories
working and making more jobs for workers.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

a q o TIlS UI1S SCCNC HaLlJ
floor of the office of the Chief
Executive is ready for the
cleaners.
Cigar and cigarette ashes are
ground into it, papers and to-
bacco give it a rather dubiouS
decoration.
Although with the present
system of having the scribes
rush down the hallway to the
Presidents office there is ex-
treme danger of some person
being trampled to death by the
mob, Mr.. Early says that if they
let the boys in the Cabinet room
two rugs instead of one would
be ruined.
Copyright, 1884. The Washington
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Hendrix Willem van Loon

And when you are flat on your
back and living on three glasses
Of milk a day, you are not quite
in a state where you should go
out to do a little schnozzle hit
ting.
AS all people, but not all cor.
porations, now seem to know,
there exists a tribe of dogs in
this world which have been
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

You can't sit,
you C a n t
re a d ou
can't write,
you ca n t
e ven talk,
and so out
of sheer de-
S p a ir you
turn on the
radio. Well,
G e n e ra lily
speaking, it
is pretty bad.
It is funny
that I, who
would dearly
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

whether he is being profane or
not. And the authorities know
that.
They have even gone so far as
to prohibit broadcasts of songs
and stories detrimental to the
morals of the younger genera
tion, and this includes ghost and
fairy stories as we'll. This is 60
ing to make it tough for the
local Uncle Don-Whung, but,
knowing what we know now
about the Big Chinese Language
Hoax, it makes it easier to un-
derstand. The younger genera
ton of Chinese all speak Pearl
Buck anyway.
Radio has served one purpose
throughout the world, and that
is to take every nation dissatis.
fled with its own language.
Complaints pour in from all
sides. no matter what the ma
tionality of the announcer. do
We talk like that?" people ask,
and then rush to hang their
heads against the wall.
Even the British have seen
the light about their manner of
speech, thanks to their radio.
Newspapers in London are full
of letters begging the BIC.
boys to stop being so re-fayned
and to take the blackboard
erasers out of their mouths.
Our own reform has gone so
far that the other day, in an
nouncing the plays of a foot
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

trained to act for those who are
blind. I have known those dogs
for years. They are most in
credibly intelligent, and their
devotion is dog-like to the nth
degree.
Now it so happens that in
America we still have a large
number of organizations which
do not allow dogs on the prem
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

ball game, one of our sport OBJ
servers referred to one Of the
teams on the field as "exotic."
You can't reform a language
much more than that.
However, the Chinese have to
worry much less than anyone
else. They may prohibit pro
family, fairy stories and ghost
stories all they wish, but who
cares? Certainly not the Chi
nese. One story is as good as
another for them.
Copyright. 1894, by King Features
Syndicate, Inc.)
Articles By Robert Benchley
appear each Monday. WedneS.
day and -ThurSdGu. I-----.-.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

RIGHT IF
IT DOESN'T
HURT ANY
ONE ELSE. "
M re f in e
lives, I S u S.
p e C have
been wasted
or wrecked
b y t h a t
theory than
by any other
device of the
devil.
I'm think
ing of poor
Alma Winters
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Cart Before the Horse
Outgo and Income

The District subcommittee of the House Appropriations Com
mttee started consideration Of the local budget Tor the
coming fiscal year.
Of course the deliberations all very SECRET and the
citizens of the District can't be informed of what going
in the committee
All that the local residents need to know be told is
that THEY WILL PAY THE BILL
The hearings which the subcommittee holding taking
place behind rigid precautions are taken to
prevent any leak to what dish the members may be cooking
up for the consumption of local tax payers 49,
We all know however, that the committee Is ueCong no"
MANY policemen what schools may build or
repair whether shall be allowed to clean our Streets how
many fire engines may operate and few other matters OF
similar import upon which we AS THOSE MOST U1kECTLX
AFFECTED presumably have nothing to say
There is scarcely city council left in the country which
pares its budget without letting the residents of its city know
how much and for what it proposing to spend the people
money . -
people.
There another strange angle about the way this
budget prepared and is one that should be sragteneo
out if we to have tax money properly distributed
This difficulty about from the fact that the expend
lures which be allowed to make determined be-
fore the amount of the city income is fixed.
The House committee will 60 ahead and fix appro
priaon bill the basis of Federal share which deems
Federal share may be upset in the House itself
thrown overheard the Senate IN that bodys
committee may be tossed aside in last minute conference
between the two Houses
Obviously bv the time the Federal share finally fixed it
is too late to alter the expenditure items make them
poronae to the increase decrease OF the Federal SHARE
The budgeting process the District takes the aspect of
placing the cart before the horse.
This difficulty could be easily eliminated the House.
Senate and the District could get together reasonable and
permanent basis for the fiscal relations between the local and
Federal governments.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

wait in the
Cabinet room
a d ] o i n i n G
that Of the
Chief Execu-
tive or in
some other
nearby space.
But Steve
says that it
W o u | d n > t
work.
F O ! lowing
h e us u a !
press confer
ence, the cost
ly rug that
60 rms the
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

s W e e p S the
country in an
attempt to
purge the ma
tion Of dope
peddlerS and
users, prisons
tn o u ghOut
the u n it e d
S q e s are
faced W it h
til e problem
of treating
those persons
arrested.
A ! t h ough
t h e Federal
~ -.-.+
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Fewer Dollars, Fewer Babies
That MAY Be Whv

The world brthrate is steadily falling and phrenoogists
meeting London blame the fact that the bump of
motherhood" women's heads is decreasing in size
Maybe the bumpreaders right but believe that the
heads if the size Of the family pocketbOOk increased,
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Beat Washington to 1t
Save Billion or Two

The AsPCA-not New Deal contrapton, but the old
Society the Prevention of Cruelty to Anmaasks you
feed the birds in the parks when the ground
We urge cooperation lest the birds complain to Washington
and lest billion two dollars be given to the FEWBRA
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

Last night I was listening to
Alexander Wollcott. You know
how it is when you are sick.
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
The Greatest Show
On Earth
By John Snure, F.

AS the Federal Narcotic
Bureau under the direction Of
the efficient Harry J, AnSlinger
The Washington times., 1934-12-13
Is 1t Fright If It Doesn't
Hurt Anyone Else"?

I know of no poorer test of
the goodness of an act than
the old aXiom-"IT'S ALL
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

IL lS ODN1Ouo bLldG gAlCAS AluoO
be more hospitals for their
care.
There is a lull on the starting
front.
Genial Arthur E. Gus" Cook,
superintendent Of the Capitol
and general-in-chief of the anti.
starting forces on the Hill, is
laid up in Naval Hospital.
For years Gus and his aides
de-camp have sought ways to
drive the startling horde from
the caves of the Capitol but
each year they meet with a
minimum of success. And now
the cares of his job have forced
Gus to take a slight vacation.
One of the most popular men
on the Hill with everyone ex.
cept the starlings) his absence is
somewhat of a calamity at the
Capitol.
FOLLOWING an operation, ho1D-
eUer, he is reported to be on
the road to recovery and map
ping plans for a continued cum-
pGign.
Steve Early, White House
Secretary, is in a quandary. ,
He doesn't know what to do
with the scores of newspaper
men who flock to the Presidents
press conferences.
Since the new executive Of
fices have been completed the
news-hungry horde waits in the
lobby until the signal for the
conference. They they rush the
door, striving for a place at the
Presidents desk. I
They run the length of the
corridor separating the lobby
and President RooSeUelt's Of
flee like AH-American football
stars or a group of freshmen
summoned to dinner by q wGrn-
ing bell.
1t has been suggested to Mr.
Early that the neWS-haWkS
The Washington times., 1934-12-13

, it is obvious that there must
be more hospitals for their
care.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1934-11-10

4.
81 & Il pa.
~. b
-. %. 4. q
..s.,
- &. -
-
..l q.
-
-
Hyder weekly herald., 1934-07-21
Hey! Listen!

'I have ju3t discovered the shameful exility of the English language, ias poverty of eX- pressicn, it's inadequacy as a mental exchange medium, it's utter inability to describe whaI it were a crime to leave un. catal0guad.
 We have . great many vit- riolic, sesquipedalion words, even what the Germans are wont to call thunder words" :; but none of them, either singly or in combinaI.3ry, can by the grace of infection or poetic li- cense, be made b answer my purpose. l want a real nice word with which to signify something awfully nasty; but would, for this occasion only, dispense with euphemism were it sufficiently expressive. 1 must have a word woven of a warp of shame and a wc2f of infamy by some foul Duessa plying her loom among the damned-a word that will sig nifty a fG-herless tw2 legged animal who is neither man nor ape; whose soul is but the sus- piration cf a sick buzzard and Whcse cerebral convolutions the writhing of malodorous maggots; who is a criminal and not confined, a lazar and no. compelled to cry ''unclean": :: a creature % foul that were D3H Tear heet his mother, Fal- ta'Cf his fat her, and perdition hs birthplace, he would shame his hameless dam, disgrace hi. gracele2c sire, and dic chon0r his hon3rleS3 country"
 No, gentle reader, this is not screaming diatribe from the pen of Brand, "the Iconoclast" nor yet the effucion of some m'nd-warped inmate of a nut college.
 It ic merely Ehe closing re- mark. of Hon. Charles V. Tru- ax, of Ohio in denouncing al opponent of soldiers bonus legislation, as presented in that grand old comic journal, the Congressional Record.
Hyder weekly herald., 1934-07-21

Rev. Henry R. Cross, former local minister. has been ap- pointed to the pasto.ate of the Met!hodi2t Episcopal Church in Omak. Washington, according to advices received in Juneau.
Hyder weekly herald., 1934-07-21
OUT OF TOWN SUBSCRIBERS

When you move report your new address to the Herald, instead of to your local postoffce. Unless you do so, your papers will not be forwarded by the postoffice without payment of extra postage for forwarding. Just write your old as we'll as your new ad dress on a penny post card and mail direct to us.