The Coolidge examiner., 1933-03-31
The Fable of the
Unhinching
Heroine
g
By GEORGE ADE
g, Bell syndicate.-wNU Service.


NNCE there was Good
Woman, who, next to Mary
Queen of Scots. probably suf-
fered more than any other Promi-
nent Lady of whom we have Rec
ord. 1t will be recalled that Mary
started out as a proud Monarch,
and finished up as a Martyr, while
Mrs. Wambo started out as a Dem
ocratic Fixture and finished up as
a Gazelle. The unfortunate Queen
of Scots had her head cut off. Mrs.
Wambo did not 20 quite that far,
but she underw mt a Major Opera
ton, which seemed just as impor-
tant, and which was preceded by
as much Suspense, Doubt and Trepi-
dation as that which racked the
Royal Prisoner.
Mrs. Wambo, before she got into
the jam had been married so many
Years that she had concealed all
the records and changed the Sub
ject when some careless Friend be-
gan to dig up Dates. She owned
up to remembering the Spanish
American War, but the Details
were all blurred, because she was
so young at the Time.
Whatever may have been her Vim
tage, she had holy Horror of look
ing old, or feeling old, or acting as
If on the Retired List. She re-
ferred to the other Bridgers as
Girls" and would warn any Bach
elor, on the slightest Provocation,
that her Husband was jealous.
She had a Pair of Scales in her
Bath Room and had tried a Facial
Mask and six or seven years ago
had learned to walk loose and
slouchy, like a Leading Lady in a
So show. Also she wore a one
piece Contraption which concealed
her Knee Caps unless she had to
sit in a Steamer Chair.
Exit for Seven Sutherland Sisters.
She had a perfectly laudable Am
bition to keep on looking an In
genue until they chopped her down.
When she got red In the face after
dancing continuously for about forty
Minutes, she kidded herself that the
High Color was the Flush Of Girl
hood instead of a warning against
Apoplexy.
She wore Beads and took a swing
at a Golf Ball once in a while and
used to sit out in the Evening and
sing with the College Boys before
the Ukulele was pushed aside by
the Saxophone and CROSSWORD
Puzzle.
From this Preamble it will be evil
dent that her name should have
been Mrs. Ponce de Leon. If there
was any Fountain Of Youth, she
wanted to hunt it up and dive in,
headfrst.
1t happened that one morning
Mrs. Wambo awoke and discovered
that the Seven Sutherland Sisters
had become a Joke. II may be re-
membered that these Girls had
Tresses which swept the Ground
and were copiOus all the way down.
When all of the seven were
punched, the View from behind was
like that of Niagara Falls.
Mrs. Wambo recalled that, In her
Seminary Days, it was the longing
of every Sub-Deb to be a Suther-
land, so that when the Mop was let
down it would reach to the Ankles.
In fact. 1t seemed that Long Hair
had been the Rage from the Days
of Eve, Cleopatra and Lady Godiva.
The last named, for instance, GER
tainly would have caught cold II
the Modern Style had been in Vogue
in Coventry In the 18th Century.
Imagine the Shock which came to
Mrs. Wamho when she learned that
the Flappers. instead of wearing 1t
down to the Ankles. had decided
to wear 1t only as far as the first
Cervical Vertebra. Some modern
Joan of Arc, residing in Paris. had
taken a Tip from the Dutch Kids
and Buster Browns and had ampu-
tated the whole Works just below
the Ears. 1t seemed that within
"a hours all the Cuties in the world
were throbbing with Excitement and
wondering If they would dare to fol-
low Suit.
The Situation Looks Grave.
The answer was not long delayed.
All of the Young Ones fell for the
Fad. Within short time the vii
lage Barber Shop ceased to be the
Place at which the local Bootlegger
studied the Pictures in the Police
Gazette. 1t became a Salon-the
Social Center sOf the Community,
congested, for Hours at a time, with
the very Pick and Flower of young
Womanhood. Prominent Citizens
who did not know how to shave
themselves began to resemble Ern-
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