The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1933-11-16
ReSnOnSP

ne nrSt response TO the poem pub
lished last week was received here
early Tuesday when the reverend
gentleman, w. E. Waybright, of Red
Lion, Pa, stated, 81 was reading your
ennobling poetry in Scoops column
this morning. 1t caused my conscience
to hurt, so here is my check for the
amount that you have charged against
me. Hope it reaches you in time to
prevent the no pants at all danger )"
Well, it just came in time. With
this snowstorm this morning which
looks like a regular blizzard, it
certainly would have been embarrass-
ing with my red fiannels exposed, TIC
say nothing of the inconvenience.
Some of the best peanut brittle l
have tasted for ages went down my
guzzle on Monday when Henry Lauer
presented the Republican office with
box of it. The other members of the
staff didn't get mad about it either.
Can't boost it too much, or this
would look like an advertisement for
him, but anyway, take my word for it,
| it sure was good.
To the other merchants around
town. We accept cookies, ice cream,
candy, apples, and lot of other things
too numerous to mention. All you have
to do is to call PIP and our representa-
tive will call and relieve you of your
gifts. But we won't lose any sleep
waiting up.
Speaking of generosity, national
corporation which should be buying
advertising space at rs cents per
column inch, has written to us offering
weekly release on suggestions for
table settings, menus, diets, recipes,
etc. They write, GAS an editor you of
course realize the Importance of such
column and will be interested to
learn that it is being offered to you
WITHOUT CHARGE. All we ask is
quarter-page ad announcing the
column, and place US on your circu-
lation list"
Now wasn't that nice of them? And
we threw the offer right in the waste
basket.
What to write about this week is GER
tainly a problem. Gardening is out of
the question and so is swimming. If
you don't believe it, just look outside.
And with the snow there seems to be
nothing going but loafing. Loafing is
fine art in itself, and may be treated
specially in later issue.
1 have it! Loafng brings many
people together. Some tell some awful
tales, same have rather interesting ex-
periences to relate, but tell them in a
most uninteresting way. And you've
got to listen or rudely leave.
will tell you how you can become
pest with very few lessons. A lot
of people can become pest without
half trying, or even without a single
lesson, but lessons undoubtedly help
little.
The article was suggested by a
similar one read some time ago, I've
forgotten where, but maybe if I'll
dedicate this spasm to the writer, he'll
forgive me for poaching.
In the first place, the symptoms are
clearly defined. If, while you are gass-
ing, those around you begin to let
their eyes waver to something trivial,
other than yourself, you know you are
on the right track to become pest.
If they make an occasional interjection
into your story which has nothing
whatever to do with what you are say
ing, you may be doubly sure. When
they start breaking into conversation
with someone else, you will know you
have achieved success as real pest.
The subject really means nothing.
Any subject can be made boring. One
of the best ways to make yourself out
a pest is to speak in a sing-song
manner, leaving out commas, periods,
everything except gasps for breath.
Keep the voice even, like the drone of
a humble bee that is just close enough
to let you know he is around.
Bring in all the useless details that
detract from the main thought; go
back and find even more details. Think.
deeply and worry over names, dates,
days, it doesn't matter which.
Keep still for 80 seconds or more
until your audience is sure you have
finished and just as they start to
speak, continue your story.
Speak indistinctly so that the listen
L l.. A.