davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Chemical Baby's Creator
Says It'll Live 300 Years

Chemical budding, the "scien-
tific baby" sired by hypodermic
needle and serum made from
cherry tree leaves, will live to be
300 years old, says DR.. Earl El-
licott budding, creator" of the
baby whose advent, he says, is
expected at any moment at the
budding home in Huntington, w.
Va.
Two doctors ordered Mrs. Dud-
ding to bed. budding explained:
"My wife is taking it easy in
bed so as not to take a chance
of a fall and losing the worlds
most scientific Laby.
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
R, F, {. FIXES
GOLD PRICE
At S3L.36
Quotation Is $1.56 Above Yes
terday and Exceeds World
Level for Metal
BY International News Service

Embarking upon President
Roosevelt s dollar control plan,
the Government through the r.
F. G. today announced the new
purchase price of gold at $31.36
per ounce.
The price was agreed upon at a
Treasury conference attended by
Jesse Jones, chairman of the
R. F. c., acting Secretary of the
Treasury Dean Acheson, and
Henry F.. Morgenthau, jr., head Of
the Farm Credit Administration.
Price Raised $1.56
The new price was $1.56 above
yesterdays price of $29.80 and
$1069 naboH6 the statutery, price
as fixed in 1884. Federal reserve
gold is still carried on the Treas
ury books at $20.67.
The R. F.. C. will accept sub
scriptions for it's 90-day deben-
lures today, payable in newly
mined gold from natural deposits
in the United States and its ter
ritorieS.
will Take All Offers
This indicated the Government
would buy all the gold offered.
The new price was above
5000 offered in London this
morning, which is generally &C
cepted as the world price.
Jones issued the following state
ment:
."The r. F. C. will accept
subscriptions today for its
9O-day debentures payable in
the United States and any
territory subject to its iurisdic-
ton, at the rate of $31.S6 per
ounce of fine gold. The pro-
cedure for depOsiting gold in
payment Of subscriptions will
be established today by an
executive order of the President
and regulations of the Treasury
Department"
Although confusion prevailed
as to the details of operation, Of
ficials explained that a discount
rate would be established whereby
a seller of gold could take his de.
benture to a bank and obtain
therefor the full value Of his gold.
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Mate Too Far AWGy,
Actress Asks Decree

HOLLYWOOD, Oct. Is Q.N.S)
An entirely friendly" suit for di-
vorce was on file today by Bar
bara Barondess, film actress,
against Irving Jacobs, New York
movie producer and distributor.
She explained:
"With Mr.. Jacobs kept in New
York by his work, apd me here
by mine, it is unfair to both Of
of us to remain married while
living permanently 5000 miles
apart"
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Cities to Haze
Camps for
TrQnSientS
BY international News Service


Establishment of about 300
transient centers for accommo-
tion of footloose men and wo-
men over the country is under
way, the Federal Relief Admins
tration announced today.
There will be at least one Of
these camps in every large city.
There will be five or six such
camps in every State.
TranSients will be sent to these
camps voluntarily by various re-
lief agencies where they will be
cared for adequately, it was said,
for such time as they remain.
The Washington times., 1933-10-25

my chief chemist is with us
day and night, and we are
watching every movement like
a cat would watch movements
of a mouse.
"ThiS baby is real chemical
project, and will prove my
theories.
1--WE expect it will live to be
800 years old. Scientific babies
all live to be 300 if they don't
get killed by accident"
Little Chemical was expected
October Is, but the birth was de
layed "for chemical reasons ~
budding explained.
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Firm Wipes Out AU
NCLerks' Pau Cuts

NEWBURGH, N. Y, Oct. 25
GN.SO.-Office employees Of the
Sweet Orr Company, one of the
principal industrial firms here,
will receive a 10 per cent lge
increase next Monday. The in
crease will wipe out a 20 per
cent pay cut levied last July, half
of which was restored in August
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Farley Finds NRA
Working SplendidLy

NEW YORK, Oct. IS GN.SO.
A national survey from which
Postmaster General James A..
Farley has just returned has con-
vinced him that the NRA is
making considerable progress
throughout the country, he said
today. He said:
81 have just returned from a
trip around the country. The
NRA plan is making great
strides and is working out
Splendidly everywhere. l am
sure that it will succeed"
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Ann Nichols Mother
Dead in HOLLulUOOd

HOLLYWOOD, Oct. IS GN.SJ.
Mrs. Julia Ann Nichols, so, mother
of Ann Nichols, playwright, died
today at the home of another
daughter, Mrs. E. Clifford, follow
ing a heart attack.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
"a Few
s Little &
Smiles
WpS,::ss %o,;T
49, ~
WHAT A WHoPPERl

While out for walk with his little
SON the angler had bumped into some
Of his crOnies.
Boys" he said, II caught the big
gest fish Of my career last night 1t
was a bass, and what whopper
Believe me or not, it weighed six
pounds and three ounces"
Envious looks crept into the faces
Of his friends. Then little Walter
chirped up.
EYES," he said, "and daddy was SO
kind. He save it to Tiggles, our cat. y
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Ali Baba or Alibi?

The teacher was asking questions
about famous characters in prose and
poetry.
'Can anyone tell me about the char
acter Ali Baba?' she asked the class.
eyes, teacher" replied boy; "he
was a man who wasn't there when
crime was committed"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
WONDERFUL TROUSERS

"These are wonderful trousers I am
wearing"
"They look very ordinary"
"But the wool came from Australia,
English merchants sold 1t to a Scotch
factory, it was woven In Sax0ny,
made into a suit in Berlin"
Nothing wonderful about that"
mo, the wonder is that so many
people can get living out Of them
when I have never paid for them
De Woche in Bid, Often, Switzerland.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
THAT WAS CERTAIN

! The comedian was relating some of
his music hall experiences to friend.
II well remember my first tour"
he said. II sang the songs that l my
self had composed"
His friend nodded interestedly.
"Was the audience complimentary"
he asked.
The comedian gave faint shrug Of
his shoulders.
II can't tell you that" he replied;
''but / remember his ticket was"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
And No Cum.Drop. Left

Auo NO 0um.DEoPS ASIS
Eyes," said the cheerful one, telling
Of narrowing experience, tive had
reached the place where we had eaten
the last dog"
st must have been terrible!" ex-
claimed the fair listener.
ut was" he said; 'they didn't even
have mustard to put on it, and it was
at least 20 miles to the next stand."-
Cincinnati Enquirer.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
RECURRENT BLUES

Duck-Hello, Mr.. Turk. Why the
sad looks?
Turkey-Well, you know l always
have an attack of blues a certain time
each year.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
He Forgot to Remember

He Forgot to Remember
you've been to the doctor about
your loss of memory" said Jackson.
"What did he do?''
/: Hogsworth shrugged.
"Gave me some tablets to take,
that's ALL" he replied.
"Have you benefited from them?''
asked Jackson.
"Can't say that I have" said Hogs
worth. "You see, forgot to take
them"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
HIS MEDICAL COURSE

"Lemme see, your sons in the med
ical department Of the college, isn't
he?"
swell, he's in the hospital"
'Practicing there"
mot exactly. He's being practiced
on. Football-two ribs cracked, nose
broken"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Worth Trying

They were in earnest conversation.
"You know, my DEAR" said Mrs.
Ayres, "as was passing under the
scaffolding Of new building some
paint fell on my fur coat, and my hus-
band had to buy me new one"
Her friend looked slyly round and
said in a hushed whisper:
I'm what street was that, Mrs.
Ayres?"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Surest Way

She-You see that girl? She's just
got $500 for short love story.
He-Good heavens, that's a lot Of
money for a short story! Did she
sell the cinema rights?
She-No, she told it to jury
HumOrist UOndOn).
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Disturbing

Disturbing
II wonder what's the matter with
Simpson,?
"Why, what makes you ask?"
swell, he picked me up in his sedan
and took me to town this morning,
but when I was about to close the
door he didn't say, You'll have to
slam it,"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Or Hard to Awaken

Actor (rather a bore)-And when !
played Hamlet the audience took 20
minutes to leave the theater.
Fellow Clubman (rather bored)-
Was he lame or something?-Der
Lustige Sachse (Leipzig).
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
E.f.f.fshy Sus.sus.story

Wife-Been to a lecture? Ridicu-
lous! They don't lecture until one
o'clock in the morning!
Husband-Th-this one did, my dear.
Poor chap, he had most terrible slut
ter-Humorist.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Like to Stir Around

The following imaginative retort
from a child we clip from a South
African paper:
Mother-Leonard, I always thought
teaspoons lived in saucers, not in cups.
Leonard (aged six)-So they do,
mother, but they sometimes 60 up
stairs for q bath.-Boston Transcript.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
An Outcast

The Tame Canary-Gee! But 1t
feels good to escape from that cage
What's your name, pal?
The Yellow Warbler-Excuse me,
sir, but / don't care to make the &C.
quaintance of an x-jailbird.-Brook-
Ign Eagle.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19

Reminding Him to Forget
He'll never forget you.
She'll tell you something that will
make you forget me.
He-What is it?
She-Tomorrow is my birthday
Parsons Weekly.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Control

Ed Tin motor car)-This controls
the brake. It is put on very quickly
in case Of an emergency.
Coed-Oh, I see; something like a
kimono.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Dumh.Bell

"What happened that caused Bills
wife to shoot him?'
"She told him to bring something
home for dinner and he brought home
the boss and his wife."-Cncinnat
Enquirer.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Exhibition Stuff

Exhibition Stuff
"These golf hose you sold me are
not at all durable"
"Where have you been using them,
miss?'
ION the links, of course"
"These are for the clubhouse"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Power of Personality

Power of Personality
"Is your boy Josh getting along well
In college?"
eyes," answered Farmer Corntossel.
HE has personality that keeps him
from bein' thrown out in spite of the
jokes and pictures he contributes to
the college magazine"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Habit

Habit
j First Switchboard Operator-Min-
ME went to the track to bet on the
horses yesterday.
Second Ditto-How did she make
out?
"She got the plugs mixed, as usual"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Scrambled Promise

She (tearfully)-YOu said If I'd
marry you you'd be humbly grateful.
He (sourly)-Well, what of it?
She-You're not; you're grumbly
hateful.-Bosto Transcript.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Hometown Custom

Hometown Custom
Boy-Do you know, dad, that in
some parts of Africa man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?
Dad-Why single out Africa Van
cOuver Province.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Peace Promotion Center

Peace Promotion Center
Mrs. Henry Peck-Let's see, what is
the name of that place where SO
much was done toward promoting
peace in the world?
Henry-Reno, my dear.-Chelsea
Record.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
To Help Keep Warm

TO I1eIP KNScP WIZ"
Patronizing Lady Tin evening dress)
Excuse my back.
The other (refusing to be snubbed)
II don't mind it. But perhaps you'd
better take my shawl.-Punch Uon-
DOM.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
New Kind

New Kind
Five-year-old Eleanor had just come
home from the barber shop, where she
had "wind-blOwn" bob.
On seeing neighbor, the little girl
asked:
''Mrs. R, how do you like my wind
mill haircut?"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
SIZED HIM UP

The Boss-I knew that man was 60
ing to ask me to f1ll out some sort of
document.
The Stenog-How could you tell?
The Boss-He had a blank express
sion on his face when he came in.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
MATTER OF BUSINESS

Her Father (angrily)-See here, sir,
how dare you embrace my daughter?
Cheeky Youth-Sir, as business
man, you'll surely agree with me that
one should embrace every opportunity
he gets.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
OUT OF STOCK

II offered Reggie penny for his
thoughts"
did you get them?"
mo. he was out of thoughts, as
usual"
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
It's a Habit

"Do your neighbors borrow much
from your"
Borrow! Why, / feel more at home
In their houses than do In my
ownl"-Bulletin (Sydney).
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Muzzled

Muzzled
Gentleman-Why are you putting
that muzzle on your little brother?
Tommy-'Cause I'm sending him to
the store for some candy.-Baltimore
Sun.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
No Christina. cift.l

Clerk-Here's a cigar you can offer
to anybody.
Customer-No, thanks. want one
| can smoke myself.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Preferred Method

Preferred Method
"Have you heard Of this new method
Of learning French in nine easy les
s0ns?"
eyes, but I'd rather take ten and do
It thoroughly."-Brooklyn Eagle.
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Already Tried II

Already Tried Il
II consider kissing very unhealthy"
"Well, I've never been"
''Kissed?"
"No-iu !"-Tt-Bits,
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19
Surest Method

Surest Method
Author don't know how to kill
my chief character.
Friend-Try reading him your play.
Gutierrez (Madrid).
Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1933-01-19

lZ S$A
THAT WAS CERTAIN
The comedian was relating some of
IFS music hall experiences to friend.
II well remember my first tour
,e said. II sang the songs that l my
'elf had composed"
His friend nodded interestedly.
"Was the audience complimentary"
ne asked.
1he comedian gave a faint shrug Of
his shoulders.
II can't tell you that" he replied;
but I remember his ticket was"
He Forgot to Remember
you've been to the doctor about
your loss Of memory" said Jackson.
What did he do?"
Hogsworth shrugged.
"Gave me some tablets to take,
hats ALL" he replied.
"Have you benefited from them?"
asked Jackson.
"Can't say that I have" said Hogs
worth. "You see, I forgot to take
HEM"
RECURRENT BLUES
Ep|3
5 ;
Duck-Hello, Mr.. Turk. Why the
sad looks?
Turkey-Well, you know I always
have an attack of blues certain time
each year.
Like to Stir Around
The following imaginative retort
from a child we clip from South
African paper:
Mother-Leonard, I always thought
teaspoons lived in saucers, not in cups.
Leonard Jagged six)-So they do,
mother, but they sometimes 60 up
stairs for a bath.-Boston Transcript.
Peace Promotion Center
Mrs. Henry Peck-Let's see, what is
the name Of that place where so
much was done toward promoting
peace in the world?
Henry-Reno, my dear.-Chelsea
Record.
Reminding Him to Forget
He'll never forget you.
She'll tell you something that will
make you forget me.
He-What is it?
She-Tomorrow is my birthday
Parsons Weekly.
Exhibition Stuff
"These golf hose you sold me are
not at all durable"
"Where have you been using them,
miss?'
ION the links, of course"
"These are for the clubhouse"
Habit
First Switchboard Operator-Min-
ME went to the track to bet on the
horses yesterday.
: Second Ditto-How did she make
out?
"She got the plugs mixed, as usual"
Hometown Custom
Boy-Do you know, dad, that in
some parts of Africa a man doesn't
know his wife until he marries her.
Dad-Why single out Africa Yam
couver Province.
MATTER OF BUSINESS
KSEZ!
Her Father (angrily)-See here, sir
how dare you embrace my daughter
Cheeky Youth-Sir, as business
man, you'll surely agree with me that
one should embrace every opportunity
he gets
The Daily Alaska empire., 1933-06-20

the United States Department of Agriculture show
 that in the year ended June 30, 1923, exported
 POS 00O0 bushels and had carryover of less than
 1o00000O0 bushels. In the year ended June 30
 1892, we exported 112OOOOOO bushels and had a carry-over of 362OOOOOO bushels three times the normal
 It might be supposed that these declining exports and mounting carry-overs implied slump in world wheat consumption AS a matter of fact the world consumption of wheat grew steadily in the last de- cade In the 1930-31 the total apparent disappearance of wheat outside Russia and China was 38O0OOOOOO bushels, compared with only 3,2OO 100000 bushels in -22 World wheat con sumption in the depression year 193O-1 exceeded
 that of the preceding year and about equaled that of the highly prosperous l928-29 It was not falling consumption that brought about our
 mounting wheat surplus It rising production
 here and abroad
The Daily Alaska empire., 1933-06-20
Dr. WOOdin.
(New York Herald Tribune. )

(NeW York Herald Tribune)
 MT Lawrence Gilman wrote an eloquent essay entitled Music and the Cultivated Man-later printed as a small book, yielding item to be treasured by collector and reader alike. In it he made a plea for rating acquaintance with music -an essential part of a cultivated equipment,-as essential as Knowledge of literature, history or the languages. The Greeks treated it. Now comes Syracuse University to give MT. Woodn the degree of Doctor of Music for his interest as an amateur of the art. wise and discriminating gesture say we.
 Will the country understand and approve? There will be few cackles and chortles from the morons But we suspect that there will be far more appre- catlon than lack of it. The younger generations have all been reared against a background of per- substitute, reeks with it. good bad and indifferent At least, however, Americans are ar-minded to an unprecedented degree That is beginning Above and beyond, there are signs that real renaissance of musical interest is spreading across the land. The music schools were never so well organized or crowded. Those best delights of the amateur, choral singing and chamber music have taken on new life. MT Gilmans ideal remains an ideal but it no longer dwells in the clouds of remote hopes
 So we felicitate Syracuse on it's wisdom and imagination, and we congratulate pr. Woodin on his new honor. He may be neither a great 1nusi- clan nor great Secretary of the Treasury But he IS certainly very able amateur in both fields Drafted into the Treasuryship at a most critical !hour he has served the country with modesty boise and common sense, and fine spirit of generosity toward his predecessors in office Politics like music, could use great deal more of this amateur lspirit
The Daily Alaska empire., 1933-06-20
A CONGRESS THAT SET NEW
 STANDARDS.

Members of the special Session of Congress that adjourned early Friday morning after having been in session 98 days can return to their constituents with a sense of having performed well a most strenuous task and to well-earned rest for the next six and one-half months. It was the hardest working Congress in recent years and even the Congresses of wartime did not surpass 1t in eff- ciency and swftness of action
 It was called into session in one of the most critical periods of the Nations history Every bank within it's confines had been closed down and all trade and commerce at low ebb Mems confidence shaken to it's very core Stunned by unprecedented succession of economic catas- trophes they had lost faith in the country's financial institutions and doubt to the stability of it's government abroad.
 Under the vigorous and aggressive leadership Of President Roosevelt it tackled seemingly unsur- mountable problems and in the legislation it enacted for their solution it wrote new and highly important chapters into American history. Although some of these laws have not yet been set in to motion. a great part of their purpose has been achieved through the restoration of public faith in govern ment and it's ability to direct American industry and finance along sounder lines to renewed health and to bring work and prosperity back to the whole people.
 Some of the legislation enacted is admittedly experimental It has yet to be tried out It may be necessary in the future to alter 1t, possibly to abandon some it entirely. Yet the whole program of the Administration has the support of the entire country. Its working out is in the hands of MT. Roosevelt With the confidence and backing of all the people sodly behind him, there be such thing as failure to move ahead to better brighter days
 The manner in which this Congress has reacted to the grave emergencies of the times as much as the spirit and temper of the people in responding to the Presidents leadership and Congress- great achievements, is another striking proof that a Democratic people and will work out Is destiny under any stress
The Daily Alaska empire., 1933-06-20
FRANCE, THE OBsTRUCTIONIsT.

France, whose attitude the payment of war debts to the United States has encouraged other nations to refuse payment is the obstructionist at the World Economic Conference at London. Before she will discuss other vexatous problems she insists having her way on currency standardization. It is not impossible that she will yet force the London gathering into stalemate.
 Evidently the French fail to recognize or are indifferent to the fact that the world is still at True the battle is not with armed forces. but as Newton D. Baker former Secretary of War, said recently in public address before audience at Eastern college instead of using guns and submarines and poison gas, there has been re- alignment of parties and continuance of the struggle with economic agencies. The question now is how we get an economic armistice?"
 That is precisely the task of the London con- ference which is deadlocked because of Frances insstence standardization of currencies. By of tariffs import quotas, currency devalua- ton and other methods the nations have been wag- ing without cessation and mercilessly The result has been loss to all of them, just the field of martial combat. Each country is determined to sell but not to buy, to devalue its currency far enough to get apparent advantage over its neighbors.
 Such a is mutually suicidal, just as the World War losing proposition for every na- ton involved Abandoning the methods of economic conflict all gain. But this calls for far-sghted statesmanship that is not easy to realize. More disturbing than the enornity of the task it is questionable whether the spirit of economic dsarma ment has come to dominate the situation
 The redeeming feature of the conference to date is the growing realization that if agree ment is reached on the major questions the already scanty commerce between nations will lapse entirely This threat of more serious breakdown is possibly the one factor that is strong enough to compe progress at London.