Evening star., 1933-12-10

,"NAs eP AAoSIooAie pdr SIdCkeQ With
bottles and with garlands of roses hung
across the front and sides.
The bartender, Bert" Ritchie. identi-
fed the place not as bar but as a
model tavern. He drove out Little Vera
Voistead because she was the foe of
temperance. The customers entered
coStumed as Floradora Sextette. One
OF the girls wanted to buy a drink but
1irSt had to produce her birth certificate
character references and proof that she
was neither an habitual drunkard nor
under the influence of liquor at the
tlme. She complied and was handed
quart.
II just want drink, not a souse,"
she objected.
Sorry, madam" responded the bar
tender. but the minimum amount that
can De sold is quart. This is an era
OF strict temperance. So you'll either
drink quart or nothing"
The Bishop Looks Around,
The entrance Of Bishop Cannon to
inspect the tavern for the Government
was the signal for a song:
Give cheer for Bishop Cannon,
May he prosper, is our wish.
Give a cheer, boys, for the bishop.
Give cheer, girls, for the bish.
Swish, swish.
But the bishop complained about the
presence of bar
It's not bar" said the bartender.
ITS mere shelf, a rack a trestle,
trunnlon, dresser with console front,
It's a thing to hang roses on, beautiful
roses"
Various other songs. including one
tn hot
ern culture-the Hon. Huey P. Long Of
Louisiana" led up to closing time, which
came at 10 o'clock.
.. The old-fashioned saloon is gone
forever" said Cannon. What a
triumph for moderation"
The customers were reminded that
they could purchase three quarts of
hard liquor and three gallons of wine
to take home after closing time and as
the saloon closed they stepped un-
steadily to the front of the stage. wav-
ing many bottles and sang:
on, no, we'll never get drunk any more!
Oh, no, We'll never get drunk any moreI
On, no. we'll never get drunk any morei
wen never get drunk, we'll never get
drunk.
Wen never get drunk any more!"
In Russian skit two heavily bearded
citizens of the Soviet Republic appeared
On the stage and identified themselves
to Uncle Sam as Stain and Litvinof,
seeking recognition. When Uncle Sam
asked If they were good at making
promises, Stain cautioned: Maxim,
don't say too much"
Aha" concluded Uncle Sam, Stain
Is the Maxim silencer.''
Naophyfas Dah;cJ Dz.l~
AS they were about to be recognized,
Litvinoff inquired who would be sent as
Ambassador. When told it would be
William c. Bullitt-the shot heard
round the world-both Russians pulled
off their whiskers and handed them
over, saying that they might as well do
1t now because Bill Bullitt will get
them sooner or later" They were re-
vealed as two newly elected members
OF the Gridiron Club. Lewis Wood of
the New York Times and Warren w.
Wheaton of the Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
After Mayor ELECT Fiorello La Guardia
had been asked to rise at his dinner
place, a member of the club, costumed
like an ancient Irish minstrel, but
wearing a high hat with an Indian
feather in it and carrying large harp
with broken strings and recited The
Lay OF the Lost Harp of which the
first verse was:
Harp of New York, farewell! The
G. Q. P has buried us beneath food
of voting:
In twilight now, the spark of Tammany
Dies down, with Roosevelt and Al
Smith gloating.
No more the shamrock shines! A black
shirt, coating
A parlor pink, has emptied City Hall.
Inc voters did it, without ever noting
Our policy of jobs for one and all.
And bail we've given our friends while
the juries STALL
The Louis M. Howe Toilet Kit Hour
was put on the radio with its big weekly
feature, Col. Howe himself, and his in
terviewer, Walter Somebull Col. Howe
was presented as the highest priced
crooner OF Roosevelt bedtime stories"
Howe and his interviewer advanced to
the microphones. Here are the ques-
tons you are to ask me- said Howe.
handing Mr.. Somebull a portion of his
manuscript, whereupon the following
dialogue ensued, with all questions and
answers read from the manuscript.
S9mebull-Mr. Howe. there is a uues-
ton l have always wanted to ask you,
put l haven't quite got the nerve.
Howe-Fre away, Walter, am not
SO exalted that I cannot remember
when I was one of you press BOYS.
Somebull-Well. if you don't mind,
why are you called a Warwick?
Howe-That, Walter, is poetic IL
cense. The fact is, am not a War
wick. Warwick, you remember was
kingmaker. But Mr.. Roosevelt is not
a King-at least, not yet.
Reveals Daily Grind.
Somebull-Ah, Col. Howe. you have
indeed a subtle mind. Now won't YOU
tell us something of your life at the
White House?
Howe-It's terrible grind, Walter.
but We are buoyed up by the senses of
service. And when think of the graft
tude OF the tens of thousands of Demo-
Gratis whom I have placed in Govern
ment jobs-when think of the thank
flllness shining in their eyes. I know
Gods in His Heaven and all's we'll with
the party.
Somebull-You are certainly in great
form tonight, Col Howe. Perhaps you
wouldn't mind telling us what you con-
slider the greatest single achievement OF
the administration up to date.
Howe-I was afraid you would ask
me that, Walter. But since you have
asked it I will give you candid answer.
I think the balancing of the budget by
the administration will take rank in
history with the discovery of the North
Pole by DR.. Cook.
Somebull- you, Col. Howe, and
here is your 81 200.
Howe-Thank you. Walter-and here
js one of nv toilet kits
The difficulties in working out news
paper code under the N. r. A. were
treated in brief skit showing an inter-
view between Gen. johnson and group
Association.
I'm so happy to meet the gentlemen
of the press" said Gen. johnson mildly
and amianiy;