The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1933-12-30
Fair
Enough
by WFsTBRooK PEGLER-

street. because always up to now /
have handled this problem on a
catch-as-catch-can basis as OPP
posed to the scientific meth
Cd. Hereafter. obedient to a
new scheme which is being
instituted in New York, I will
call a policeman to arrest the sub
ject for his own good, explaining in
a nice way that though he mag not
realize it Just now. really am pro-
tecting his own interests, and that
in the course of time ne will thank
me for my kindness. If he doesn't
that will only prove that he was an
unworthy case and society will
! thank me. instead.
The policeman will walk the sub
ject off TO the precinct house. where
he will be filed away until they have
collected enough subjects, assorted,
to make a batch, and he presently
will come before some judge who
may have qualified for his job by
hanging around some political club
house and poolroom and promising
to kick back one years pay out Of
five 10 the party funds.
Various judges will hear such
cases from time to time and New
York judges were shown by the Sea-
bury investigation to be very various.
The judge will turn the subject over
to a staff of professional assistants
who will ask his name. age. purpose
in life, favorite flower and actress
and the nature of his dreams.
Out-of-toWners will be sent home,
| prepaid, to beg on their own home
grounds, eliminating just that much
unfair competition against the To-
Gals. OF the locals, those who are
fit and willing to work will be given
jobs in due time. Unfit locals will
be hospitaliZed, a word which I will
take time out to abhor along with
! the noun set-up and the verb to
tie-in-with. And the utterly unwil-
ling will be jailed up for periods of
as long as three years.
7 WILL say that 1 am being a
L great hypocrite here and there
as I go along in this essay as I seem
to be putting myself away for one
of those open-handed heart-of-gold
characters who perform a great
deal of private charity and detest
that kind of generosity which asks
for f1ngerprints and vouchers in
triplicate.
A man should have sufficient self
! confidence to feel that he can
always make a living but anything
can happen in a life time and it
frequently does and I learned a long
time ago to give a moocher a soft
answer and a little something Just
in case. There is also a selfish per-
sonal satisfaction to be derived
from small but rugged individualism
when the man with blue fingers and
| skinny legs falls in step and NUT
! tiers "cawfee
1 used to frequent some years ago
a saloon down near the Bowery run
by a big, fat man named Dan
OROurke which had been a long
time back the headquarters of all
the best professional panhandlers
in New York. 1t was The Moocher's
Union League, and the ORourke
| family, Dan and Mamie, Riggs and
Joe, told me so many fascinating
stories of the tricks and Wiles of the
artist moocherS that 1 was able to
sweep them all together after a
while and sell composition on the
subject to one of our slick-paper
magazines.
The boys at ORourkes used to
soap their eyes to make them cry.
They carried fake kilograms about
the dying baby down in Wheeling
or they would swing along on
clutches with one foot swathed in
bandage soaked in red ink Late at
night, after professional hours,
their crutches formed a stack be-
hind the piano and the penny
money which they turned in across
the bar filed big sack regularly
once a week.
DUT knowing very well that there
ID are characters so low as to i'm
pose upon my kindness still have
found it hard to say no or call
policeman, and especially so in the
last few years. One night, near a
speakeasy in the fifties, a melan-
choly young man, dropping like a
willow in the rain, asked me, for
Gods sake to give him the price
of bed, as he was sick and cold,
and, reckoning that I was about 10
frivol some money away, anyway,
I gave him some. But the next
day I saw him in the crowd around
the stage door of the Hippodrome
shooting craps.
If a man looks sick and weak,
and I have noticed that most of the
moochers do not seem to be in the
best Of health, it is hard to remem-
Der the exact address, Of that place
down on South street, four miles
away. on foot, where they will put
his name on file and notify him
in his regular turn if they hear of
a half-day's work at 30 cents an
hour.
The new scheme solves the prob
lem, however.
I don't have to remember the ad-
dress on South street and tell him
how to walk there, refraining for
the sake Of his manhood and self
respect from reducing him to beg
gary with something in his hand.
I call an officer and everything is
attended to in humane way, con-
sistent with the best interests of So
ciety, himself and me.
Copyright. 1888. BY United Feature
Syndicate. IncD