The Coolidge examiner., 1933-03-17
The Fable of
Becoming Beach
Broken
g
By GEORGE ADE
G. Bell syndicate.-wNU Service.

G, Bell syndlcate-WNU Service.
TT is truly said that here in dear
j old Columbia, the Jim of the
n Ocean, Opportunity knocks once
at every mans Door and everything
turns out great after that. unless
the poor Rummy happens to be in
the back part of the House at the
time.
Certain it is that if you will grab
and strip almost any great Execu-
tive seated at a Mahogany Desk,
you find on his Person the linger-
ing evidence of Stone-Bruises, Cal
louses, Knife Cuts, Dog Bites,
Chiggers and immediate contact
with a Strap having a buckle at one
end. In other Words the ImpOr-
tant Personages who sit in elevated
Splendor and rule the World by
Phone evolved from Ornery Kids
living in small Towns. Most of
them started out with a Village
Curse on them and what was sup
posed to be a Handicap turned out
to be the principal Boost.
The various Forms assumed by
little country Tadpole before it
becomes the majestic City Bull
Frog have excited the Interest of
Many who write for a living, but
Howells and Harrington never told
the Half of ii.
Every self-made Rufus puts on a
Drama as he moves in Spectacular
Fashion from the Spring Wagon to
the Rolls Royce and 1t Is only fair
to add that usually the Comedy In
terest predominates.
All of this Blah leads up to
consideration of the Case of Ben
Flicker, who started from Nowhere
and can now distinguish between
real Russian Caviar and the kind
that is blasted away from Sturgeon
found in Chesapeake Bay.
He Finds Himself Thinking.
If you could have taken a Peek
at little Benny. trotting along the
Board Sidewalks OF Bascom Center
during the Puff-Sleeve Period, and
sized up his Sandy Locks, the hon
est Freckles and the Ostrich Neck,
you would have said: Here is a
Lad who will 60 on and on, Work
ing for Two Dollars a Day, until at
last he will have Money enough TO
permit him to join the odd Eel
lows"
That would have been a reason
able Horoscope and that Is how Ii
started to work out Benny COM
pleted his Education when he could
spell most of the Long Words in
the Back Part of the Sixth Reader,
and went to work in the only Fac
tory which had dared to open up In
Bascom Center. He bought a pair
of oyeralls and proceeded to get
them as soiled as possible and for
several Years was just one of the
Hands. He was merely an Ant in
Hill or a Bee in Hive or a Min
now in a Crick, whichever way you
care TO look at it. The only differ
ence between him and the other
Slaves on the Payroll was that
after working Hours he sometimes
read books instead of going to the
Billiard Hall and several times
caught himself In the Act of Think
ing.
Along about the time that Ice
cream began to be used in Soda
Water, he scrubbed himself all
over one Morning and Got a Close
Shave and went out and got Mar
ried. The Young Lady who took the
Long Chance was called Tessie, that
being her Real Name, and her par
ents would have been all right If
Ma had known how to keep House
and Pa had not been a Bar-Fly.
Benny bought a house from the
Building and Loan Association and
started in making Easy payments,
which were so easy that it looked
as If he might have a Clear Title
by 1850.
You know about the other Ben
flying the Kite, Newton being hit
by the Apple and Watt getting in
terested in a Tea Kettle. Well, one
day it happened that Benny was
tinkering with some of the Ma
chinery and the Bean happened to
be working, and it occurred to him
that If the large Dingus coming up
under Cog Action could be
thrown into a lateral Squivvey by
substituting an Automatic APP
proach for the hand-controlled
Lever, the Labor of One Man would
be saved. Anyone who has made
out an Income Tax Return will
grasp the significance Of the above
The DisgustingIy Rich.
Benny made some Sketches and
sent them in and got a Patent and
built a small Model and began Pro
duction at the rear of a Blacksmith
shop. In order TO insure future Sue
cess he took pains to make his
Start even more humble and incon-
spicuous than that of Henry Ford.
OF course. the Sequel is just as