The Coolidge examiner., 1933-04-07
Fable of Tetley's
Treatise on
Women
g
By GEORGE ADE
By GEORGE ADE
G. Bell syndicate.-wNU Service.

erary Exercises In connection
with the Graduating of the Class Of
80 from Bingham College, no doubt
will recall the mastery Grafton de
livered by Herman Tetley. IL was
the only Speech made by any
Graduate and Herm was selected
for this Signal Honor because he
resembled William Jennings Bryan
when the Latter was the Boy Ora
tor OF the Platte, instead Of the
Fully Matured Real Estate Booster
of Florida. Herm had flashing eye,
an aqualine Beak and his Hair met
the Collar. You could tell, by look
ing at this Laddy-Buck that he had
been incarnated for the Special Pur-
pose OF making Speeches.
1t was a very hot Day and
great many sons of Old Bingham,
wearing Facial Decorations of Ivy
and Alfalfa. had come from as far
away as Rock Island H., and Chilli
cothe, Ohio. In spite of the tropical
Humidity. the Orator OF the Day
was fully clad in the Habillments
which must be adopted by anyone
who hopes TO put over an Grafton.
He wore a long-talled, pall-bear-
ing Suit Of Winter Clothes and had
a little white Hickey inside the
WeSkit. than which nothing could
be more Marmadale. Also he was
shod with Patent Leathers of daz-
zling Radiance
The Volstead Enactment has
made Caret Cup an Equivalent of
Arson. but the Bird who wears Pat
ent Leather Shoes in the morning
goes scot free. Yet there are those
who prate of Justice.
No doubt the Reader will be in
terested to learn what Herman Tet
ley talked about. Well. he talked
about % minutes and his Subject
was Certain Phases of Femlnism."
Read IL over again and read 1t slow
ly and you will perceive that the
Hero who started across the At.
lantic Ocean In Dinghy was a
Piker when compared with Herman.
Not only did he sum up, briefly.
the whole Significance OF WOman's
recent Itch TO hold Office, invade
the Professions and put Nan back
into the Nine Hole. but he went
ahead and proved that II was all
contrary TO the Basic Laws OF Ma.
ture. When he allowed that there
were certain fundamental and bio
logical Differences between He and
She, which would forever disquallfy
the Gentler Sex from tackling any
rugged Task. he thought he had
stumbled upon a new and gllttering
Truth. He even went so far as to
advance the novel Theory that
Woman's True Sphere is within the
Home.
He did not knnw that Adam said
exactly, the same Thing two Days
after He lost the Rib. and kept on
saying II up to the Day OF the Fruit
Episode. Adam continued TO refer
TO Himself as the Head of the
Household even after he was taking
Orders. The Records are not com
pIete, but undoubtedly he used to
say TO Cain and Abel: what say
goes, but | don't like to have any
Argument with your Ma"
Not long after Commencement
Day we find Herman back In Syca
more, where his Dad owned the
principal Bank. For great many
years the Male Parent of the Glass
Orator had been engaged in helping
Farmers who were up against II
and sometimes he collected no more
than the Legal Rate of Interest.
Tetley. Sr.. had quite a sense of hn
NOR, for he often said that the Lord
had prnspered him. lie had rat
Ing which gave the Son local I'M
portance not TO he attained by put
ting the Hand inside the Coat and
spelling a lot of Websterian OBJ
servations.
Herman had read in a Folder that
Travel has Broadening Influence.
so he talked the Guvnor into letting
him go to Europe before he settled
down and nsed his Algebra in run
ming the Bank.
Herman started for the Old
World. accompanied by the vast
Store OF knowledge which he had
acquired at Bingham. He was still
strong In the Belief that Woman
should not attempt anything more
Intricate than knitting a Sweater
for some Male Relative. He liked
the Tyne Of Girl who admired him
and his whole Attitude toward the
inferior Sex was one OF god-llke
Forbearance and Patience. tine.
tured with mild Amusement. buf
old Tet. 30. didn't believe that any
F'lapper could tell him anything he
hadn't known for three or four
years.
Baby-Face Kids Him Along.
On the Train he met an Actress
who had washed up and walked out.
leaving Hollywood fiat. because the
Directors were not Genteel. She
had lost her purse and borrowed