The Coolidge examiner., 1933-05-05
The Fable of
Mr.. Whipple's
Dress Suit
By GEORGE ADE
G. Bell syndIcate.-WNU Service,

H'eo III ldll-sTass oetlie
ment just two miles this side
of the Jumping-Of Place. There
was Railway through the Town
but no Fast Train ever stopped at
Wimpusville unless it had a Hot
Box. Sherman Whipple spent his
early Youth in this benighted Burg
where the Leader of the most ex-
elusive Set worked at the Hard
ware and Implement Store, put
Goose-Oil on his Curls and thought
he was dressed up II he had on his
White Muffler. The most popular
Belle In the place had Coral Ear
Rings and. would sing in the Gloam-
ing" at the slightest Provocation,
unless requested not to do so.
When only three years old Sher-
man sized up his Environment and
knew that he was in Dutch. After
that he wasn't interested In any
thing except Timetables. 1t may
be true that the Sharks on SOci-
ology. who cannot understand why
Lads leave the Villages and flock
to the Bright Lights, never served
a Term In one of these out-of-the-
way Hamlets where the only regu-
lar Visitors. In the old Days. were
English Sparrows and Drummers.
Now a Picture Palace smiles where
once the Feed Store was. The Sky
is full OF Antennae and the Honk
of the Henry Is heard at 2 a. m.
Not so. however, when the Earth
ly- Career of Sherman Whipple was
still In its Sprlngtime. The Town
of Wimpusville had complicated
Case of Mopes and Chldders. 1t had
been stung by HookWorm. II was
Headquarters for the Not-so-
Muches. II was Dump.
1t happened that when our Hero
was about s years of Age he saw
in Story Paper, which his Ma read
with great Regularity. a beautiful
WoOd-Cut depicting a Scene in High
Life.
II was in a Conservatory with
Palms all over the place. There was
Lady who was very Slender at the
Waist and much less slender just
Below, and she was in complete
Low-Neck and wore Diamond Ear
Bobs and had two Cubic Feet of
Hair and was, according to the
Standards OF Pre-Golf Days, a raw
ing Beauty of the Statuesque Type
Her name was Alys. II was Alys
Montague Up to the time that our
Producing Managers moved the
Drama one Flight up from the
Drawing Room. it was impossible TO
put on Play without having at
least one Montague in II.
The Correct Soup and Fish.
In the Picture IL seemed that Alys
was peeved over some Proposition
that had been put up 10 her by the
Gentleman in the Long Tail, who
was none other than Geoffrey Du-
raDte. Whatever may have been
the Private Morals OF Godfrey, he
was certainly the Class so far as
Looks and Get-Up were concerned.
He had a wavy Mop and spiral
Moustache, and his Regaia was the
Correct Soup aud Fish including
three Studs and Bows on his dancing
Pumps. He was the Cats GOatee.
the Elephants flashes. the Eels
Elbows, the Panther's Pajamas, or
any other Words to the same Effect
so long as they don't mean anything.
Although ii showed in the Picture
that Alys was shrinking away from
Godfrey until only clever illustra-
tor could prevent her from doing
Flop and although the Reading Mat
ter indicated that Geotfrey hiSsed
Have Carei" when Alys hinted
that she had learned of his Secret
Marriage TO Gladys Marston-even
though the Circumstantial Evidence
indicated that Geoffrey was ter
rible Pup, his Wardrobe saved him.
Evidently he was a Villain, but still
a Gentleman.
sherman Whipple was fascinated
by the First Part Costume. 1t was
his first Meeting with the Soup-and
Habiliments. Never, in Real Life,
had he seen any one all diked out
In Thirteen and the Odd.
A Tall Trek From the Home Town.
The Wood-Cut practically deter
mined his whole Career. He made
II secret Vow that some Day he
would wear the whole Smear. in
cluding SILK Underwear and a Mon
ogram on his hirt-Sleeve. You
might say that a Dress Suit was the
Lode Star of his Existence. He
steered his whole subsequent Course
of Life toward a Conservatory, in
which he might have a bantering
Filtration with some Heiress who
carried a Fan and used good Per-
fumery. The Fact that the Distance
from Wimpusville to Social Emil
nence seemed to be at least Five
Million Miles did not dishearten
little Sherman. He had learned
that any One with plenty of Jack
and sunny Nature can bust into
the Inner Circle of the Upper Ten.