davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1933-03-16
LET US HAVE MORE PLUMBING
AND LESS ORNATE

Some wag defines q pedestrian Is
man with three cars. wife and
two children.
Here is a plaintive note from q man
with three bathrooms and pre-B.C.
family:
Dear DR.. Brady:
Your repeated illusions to
nervous constipation induces me
to write to you
Ut IS news to me that have alluded
to nervous constipation
=. Immediately after coming
out here from my home in the
east IL years ago I became con-
Stipated and have continued so
up to the present.
While working as an employe
I had little trouble with the regu-
lar action Of the bowels, but since
I entered business for myself the
case has been hopeless -.
(Ah-hah, our friend means psychic
constipation. not nervous" Just
what I have been trying to teach the
public for years-that 80 per cent Of
all such trouble is purely bad habit,
and the wiseacre layman cultivates
the bad habit from fear inspired In
his untutored mind by the dire conse-
quences our great American nostrum
and quackery interests constantly tell
the Wiseacre population will befall Il
one "neglects' the regulation" Of the
bowels)
During the II years I moved
several times, went on vegetable
diets. and even lived for year
on the plan advised by your good
friend DR..
(The charlatan mentioned Is no
friend Of mine and what's more he
isn't a physician at all but just q
fake Doctor" a fellow who has as
sumed this title.)
Last year my family left me for
an extended vacation and I was
left alone in the house. The very
next day after they left my bowel
action was perfect and remained
so until the return Of my family.
when the old trouble set in again.
My observations are that II
could live in a house all by my
self -. but when I live with
others. my nerves cannot rest but
contract the bowels underneath
the navel and SO close up 49,.
To me all this is puzzling, be-
cause was raised as the oldest
Of six noisy boys and was never
i'll and never q bit conStipatcd
when was at home -.
AS health expert I believe there
are too many bath tubs in this coun-
try. and not enough wash basins.
Shower baths should be installed at
the will Of the householder and with
out let or hindrance from the social
ed health" or sanitary" authorities
Bath tubs should be prohibited. ex-
cept by special dispensation when the
householder presents . physicians
certificate that the tub Is necessary
for bathing an invalid.
Wash basins should be required BY
the health department in every place
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1933-03-16
PERSONAL HEALTH SERVICE
BY William Brady, M. ID,

Signed pertaining
diagnosis. treatment. will be answered stamped
envelope enclosed Letters should
INK No reply be made 70 queries not conforming
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1933-03-16
Editorial Comment

Editorials printed below show the
trend OF thought by other editors.
They are published without regard
with The Tribune's policies.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1933-03-16

Mo0ooe q To A00oc1oto0 Frees
The Associated Press q exclusively
entitled 70 the use for republication
o4 Ill news dispatches credited to It
q noA otherwise credited In this
Newspaper and also the local news Of
spontaneous origin published herein.
All rights q republication Of III other
matter herein are also reserved.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1933-03-16

Bad enough to have had nothing
but near-beer for II years. Now
we're going to have near-money.
Evening star., 1933-08-27
The Serious Business Of Enlistimg q Maseot
Stories of odd Pets, and Some Of Their
Strange Tricks and Habits:

about IL inches high and feet long. It was
q common sight to see blue jacket seated on
his ditty box facing q gun port and writing q
letter home. In spite Of his service record
and title, the bear had no ditty box; coupled
with this, he had run out OF tricks. He sat
down upon the deck and watched q sailor
gazing out . gun port and 1t was prooaoy
the longing attitude Of the sailor which stirred
the bears sense of humor. He wasged his
tongue for q moment In thought and then
numbered silently across the deck until he was
directly to the rear Of the sailor Raising
shaggy paw and taking careful aim. the bear
walloped the end Of the box and sent it skiddtng
down the deck. And the sailor thudded to the
planks The bear grinned and sedately walked
over to the box and seated himself thereupon,
to gaze longingly out over the sea. The bear
had discovered his favorite pastime, which he
pursued until he was finally placed behind
the bars Of . zoo.
There Is . legend about . monkey which
Is worthy Of notice. He belonged on IN old
armored cruiser which had found him IN the
jungies Of Central Or South America. Like
every monkey, he conceived violent passions
for all manner Of strange things, but he in-
vented . pastime which will probably stand
as an all-time record for Navy monkeys.
While the crew Of the ship was ct quarters
the monkey, having been assigned no station,
wandered down through the ship alone and
unobserved. And when the crew returned to
hunks and baggage they found that Ill the
tooth paste, shaving cream and, In short, every
thing which came in tube. was missing from
their ditty boxes. The mystery remained un-
solved for some hours, until . sailor chAnced
to glance behind q turret. And there, seated
On the deck. away from prying eyes, the
monkey was having the time of his life. One
by oue he had squeezed the tubes dry Of con-
tents and he had become lather Of shaving
cream and tooth paste. The Navy was never
able to cure him Of this passion for squeezing
tubes, and whenever tube was left unguazded
the monkey was sure to clamp down upon It.
Probably the most startling yarn that ever
came cut Of the Navy had 70 DO with harbor
Evening star., 1933-08-27

q huge boxing kangaroo, the height and halt
again the weight of q man. This kangaroo
could actually box. He would strike out with
his small front feet, loved to sheath the dan
in the art Of self-defense. He was named
according to the custom Of the Navy, which
seems to dictate that all kangaroos shall be
called Spud Murphy.
All went well with Spud until the night Of
the first big smoker In port. The champion
of the feet came aboard to put ON an exhi-
bition and Just for the delight Of the sailors
spud was thrust into the ring and gloves were
tied to his paws Out beyond the lights he
could see the blur Of faces and hear the din
ming cheers Of his friends but it was strange.
and he didn't like it. The boxing champion
of the feet squared on and tapped Spud
lightly on the chest. Spud struck back half
heartedly. Boxing was all right In the quiet
sunshine, but not here. The champion thought
it would be better to stir Spud up bit, and
there he made his mistake. He slapped the
biz kangaroo on the nose-and Spud's nose
was tender. without Ticking an eye and g
quick Is dynamite, Spud whiried on his tail,
struck out with those powerful hind feet, and
the champion Of the heet took the count Of 10.
During his stay in Frisco. spud made friends
with . dog which also belonged to the Navy.
and every time spud's ship came anywhere
near the dogs destroyer, the two would 60 On
terrible hinge and their superior ofncers would
not see them for days. But civilians ~ the
score were shocked BY the spectacle Of little
collie dog trotting beside huge bun monster
who covered . block In . dozen Jumps
Another story is told Of q shaggy brown bear
which had come down from his home IN the
high Rockies to join the Navy and see the
world This bear was the essence of humor.
And seeing that he could make his friends
laugh with his antics, he was quick to think
up new ways Of gaining more and better ap-
plause So he developed q trick which caused
not few blue jackets to rue the day they had
seen him come aboard.
As sailors in those days>had no chairs, It was
customary for them to use their small gray
ditty boxes in that ofice. These boxes are
Evening star., 1933-08-27

moral feeling Of responsibility for German
unity with which the leading men are inspired
How could q real Improvement in the intoler.
able conditions have been achieved, how could
the soul of the German people have been saved
II the AK had not been put to the very rooe
Of the evil?
It may be that regrettable mistakes or acts
Of violence have occurred in individual cases.
but that Is unavoidable in the course Of such
an incisive and profound movement as We are
experiencing at the present time in Germany.
But it would be supreme fallacy to draw
general conclusions from such isolated tn-
cidents.
ON the contrary, may state with perfect
confidence that the history Of this world
can provide no other example Of a revolution
80 entirely free from the outward symptoms
and forms which usually accompany revofa-
tions, 50 free from bloodshed and illegality. %
certain, so definite, 80 rapid as that which
took place at the end Of last January, the
success of which may be considered to be n"
ready secured This bare and irrefutable fact
cannot be changed, even though the foreign
press day by day is trumpeting throughout the
world tales OF atrocity, Of violence and perez
cution as it did during the World War.
II ever a revolution has proved its mos9l
justification by the fairness NTH which It
has been carried through, it is the German
revolution Of 1888.
The two men who will take the responsibility
in history for this development-the President
Of the Reich, Won Hndenburg. and the cham
cellor Of the Reich Adolf fitler-have accona-
plished deed for which the German people
owe them q debt Of everlasting gratitude. T1ds
has already been recognized by the overwheln-
ing majority Of our people, who are following
their leadership willingly and are ready %
sacrifice. am convinced that after certain
time apart from q small minority of captioaD
grumblers and unteachable idealogists. the
whole nation will firmly unite itself within
this movement, which is marching 30 nFeh
sistibiy and victoriously to its goal.
What is more, am convinced that the time
is not far distant when Europe and the whole
cultured world win be thankful to Adolf Hitlee
for saving not only Germany, but the Who'll
fabric Of civilization from Bolshevism. A.,
Evening star., 1933-08-27

seal As Uncle Sam has placed beavy AaIe
on those who shoot harbor seals, the lit>1e
beasts become quite tame, and any harbof On
the Pacific Coast has its quota Of seals. 1f1ey
are spotted brown and white and weigh sboo(t
100 pounds, and they can swim with tesf13e
speed. I.
This particular seal paid visit to . batt1et
ship. He hitched himself up On the landing
platform Of the ships eangway and baxke6
to the officer Of the deck for permission q
come aboard The omcer Of the deck thought i
would be all right, 50 the little seal took ~
place In the ships company. He Topped about
the deck, begging apples from the cook and
pettings from the sailors, and generally made
himself at home When he tired Of his ~
Of apples and other handouts he would stand
at the top Of the gangway and bark until some
one was thoughtful enough to help him into
the water. Then he would nsh and return ID
the ship.
When the battleship was ordered to Magda.
lena Bay for target practice and maneuve1S
pay for his transportation. At Magdalena Bay
he followed his usual procedure of going ovgR
the side whenever he felt the need Of . n64
Or q bath. But one day he had evidently
neglected to read the bulletin board, for ~
went over the side an hour before the sli3
sailed. Sudden orders from the flagship -
manded that an anchors should be weighed
within the hour, and though the crew left
the landing stage over the side until the last
minute, no seal was to be seen. The battaes
ship put to sea.
In few months the seal bad been forgottes5I
and the battleship lay IN San Francisco, mAn&
latttudes north Of MAsdalena Bay. The ofacse
Of the deck heard . faint bark and looked
down at the landing stage. There was the ht*1p
harbor seal asking permission to come aboard
asking for apples and giving his APOLOGIZE
Ill In one breath.
Evening star., 1933-08-27
Ness Sugar Cane

A NEW type sugar cane, which may Ees1ot
in heavy production in this country, hAs
been tried and found successful BY expe1k
menters who are n0W re3easing It for planting
In Louisiana this Fau.
Ths cane gives . higher sugar yield than
most varieties now IN use and in addition 4
grows on heavy land now 20 well edapted t6
types Of cane now in use. It has q still fur
ther virtue In that Il grows entirely erect and
is therefore more easily harvested than .soaao,
Of the common varieties .,.,.. ... ~. .st.ri..e
Evening star., 1933-08-27

As q result Of the insidious propaganda Of
these international forces. among which Marx
ism and Jewry must be named as leading
factors, foreign countries are getting picture
Of present conditions in Germany which In
no way corresponds to the facts. 1t is there
fore, my intention in this article to bear q
short testimony to what has happened In Ger
many during the last seven months
The forces which by systematic agitation
during the World War gradually sapped the
national power Of resistance, which were re-
Evening star., 1933-08-27
By Former Crown Prince Wilhelm

sponsibe for the loss Of the war and the dis
grace of the peace terms dictated at Versailles,
which afterward for IA years Of misdirected
economy and corruption, profiteering and
'bonzenism," sucked the very hfe-blood Of our
nation and tried to exterminate all notions of
loyalty, Of honor, Of the fear Of God and of
freedom these forces suddenly have been
divested Of their power and defeated
If this end has been pursued with an energy
which knows neither fear nor favor and with
stern consequences, 1t proves only the deep
Evening star., 1933-08-27

ne ulAk1 PCU3SC ~ ENC0CaAt 01C PW30~
ing through the same experience that
they passed through during the World
War. The greater part Of public
opinion in foreign countries Is taking
up a hostile attitude toward Germany
and does not even refrain from serious acctsa-
tions and insults, Misrepresentation ard SIAN
der.
In the World War such an attitude, as far
as it was in the service OF the enemy powers,
might have been comprehensive, although
perhaps not altogether excusable, because
propaganda must be used In every war as
most effective means Of causing psychoaogical
and moral damage to the enemy. One would
think, however, that with the world at peace,
as it is at the present time, the organs OF public
opinion In foreign countries would be ca[elul,
when Judging internal German conditions, TO
be as unbiased as possible and to abandon the
unscrupulous and unfair methods which could
have been understandable only during the
World War.
AS matter Of fact, during the IA years
since the war the greater part Of the foreign
press has been scrupulous in this respect. But
now perhaps the greater part Of the press IN
other countries has abandoned its impart1allV
and reverted to the wartime methods Of ag1ta-
tion-the occasion Of all this being the tri-
umphant eruption Of the National Socialist
revolution at the beginning Of this year.
The reason for the change is evident. Other
countries are afraid that the German people,
as a result of the moral and political regen-
Grafton which is taking place at the present
moment under the clear-sighted and energetic
leadership of the chancellor of the people, Adolf
Hitler, might be successful in winning back
that place near the sun which, in spite OF all
jealousy and persecution, they occupied under
the imperial regime and lost only after fight
of unexampled heroism against the world IN
arms.
And now these same forces which before and
during the war; both at home and abroad, set
to work, unfortunately with ultimate success. to
force imperial Germany out OF her prominent
and rghtful place in the council of nations are
once more pursuing with all the arts Of dema-
goguery a campaign Of calumny in order TO
prevent the German nation, new conscious Of
its race from regaining the place which belongs
to it by rights.
Evening star., 1933-08-27
BY L. RON HUBBARD.

HEN Sergt. Maj. Jiggs Of the
United States Marine Corps
passed to his final rest Ma
rines without number mourned
his passing. His bowed front
legs and sagging Jaw had COM
Evening star., 1933-08-27

wag of his stumped tail had been seen on the
decks Of q dozen battleships When ne was
first taken sick . well known pilot OF the
corps bundled the sergeant major into the
cockpit of Corsair and brought him peu-
nell to the Naval Hospital in Washington
from the base at Quantico. But the enort
ayailed nothing and the old devn-dog was
given a military funeral Gene Tunney pre-
sented the Marine Corps with another bull
dog, now taking the place OF the famous Jiess:
The maintenance Of pets in the Navy and
Marine Corps Is . very serious business.
Whenever a new animal is brought aboard
ship or officially presented to q station he Is
read into muster given service record book
and, il he seems to deserve 1t. military
rating. These service record books have all
the entries proper to the conduct Of . navy.
Deck court-martial. Five days ashore
A. w. O. L., Is days bread and water" Or
general court and demotion to apprentice
seaman for chewing up captains epaulets
Or ordered to sick bay for treatment OF Sc
we're cut on foreleg suffered IN . valiant COM
bat with cat" And In all seriousness sub
sistence quarters leave due and length Of service
are solennnly recorded.
THIS custom of pets on shipboard originated
centuries ago, when international law stated
that ship could be salvaged only when every
living member Of the crew was absent Willy
captains accordingly entered cats ana 0ogs on
the ships articles as fun members Of their
ships company, and In this way were able
to avert salvage proceedings should 1t be neces-
sary to abandon their craft. The cat Or dog
would be left behind, and II the ship still
stood above the waves whoever should come
aboard to claim salvage would f1nd that
living member Of the crew IN the person Of .
cat was steadfastly guarding the owners rights
However, the Navy's pets are not limited to
cats and dogs. Almost every kind Of animal
has, at one time or another, found It's way
into the ranks Of the Navy. The Australian
cruise Of the feet several years ago peopled
sorts Of weird creatures-kangaroos, cockatoos
parrots, monkeys bears, lions, leopards seals
and SO on down the roll of the animal kingdom.
Aboard one Of the battleships which re-
turned to San Francisco after that cruise was
Evening star., 1933-08-27

Question Akaa Prince GrmanIn This article
Is the First Impression of the Former Royal Family NJ Hakm
sa~e and the NoziG Government
The Washington times., 1933-10-25

Ehe Washington Times in New York
Libby Holman, not at all
torchy-looking in a black crepe
evening gown with a black
and white checked crepe jacket
bordered in Persian lamb.
Mary Lewis, operatic star. in
simple black satin, white
errnine and pearls.
White ermine everywhere
hardly a woman without a
white er1nine wrap, either a
long coat or short cape.
Lots Of Jeweled headbands
and Hair clips, of course, but
many coronet braids of hair
wound around the head, too
some of them matching the
Wearer's own hair quite closely!
Football Fashions
All-American fashions. with
apologies to Kirk Miller)
Here are our selection for
our own all-American team of
football fashions those which
have scored heavily at this sea-
sons games
The bright wool dress-the
triple-threat fashion of the
season-under a tweed coat, a
fur coat or its own matching
jacket.
The three-piece tweed suit
tweed topcoat, jacket and skirt,
with a bright sweater blouse.
The tweed dress-and-coat to
match outfit, worn with a
knitted wool scarf and cap.
The swagger sports coat Of
fur-leopard, nutria or kidskin
-smartest with a matching
muff.
The velveteen blouse
with the plaid wool skirt, or
the other way around, the
plaid top with a dark velveteen
skirt, and generally a scarf to
match one of them.
The suede jacket for fen1i-
nine fans who take their sports
Seriously-in chamois colors
The Washington times., 1933-10-25
Advice 7 o
love|orn
By BEATRICE FAIRFAX

BY BEATRICE FAIRFAX
Has Tried Hard to Forget Him
Dear Miss Fairfax:
About a year ago I met a
young man and grew to love
him very much, but our love
was Of short duration. Over
some silly little misunderstand-
ing we broke up, and now he
is going with another girl who
used to be one of my best
friends. I do my best to forget
him, but every place I go I
seem to run into him and that
friend of mine. He told some
one he still loves me, but it
seemed to him as if he were
in love with two girls at the
same time. Is this possible?
He talks to me a little when
we meet, but seems to pay all
of his attention to that other
girl, and I am tired of suffer
ing in silence. KAY.
When a young man confides
that he is in love with two
girls at the same time, it's safe
to assume that his affection for
either one of them is not too
overwhelming. Just act as if
nothing had happened to break
up your friendship with him.
And, never, never be "catty"
about the other girl, for that,
my dear, is very poor sports
manship.
Suppose you get up a picnic
and invite him to go, or get
some friend to get up a Sun
day night supper party or
something like that, and invite
you two. Then you might say
how foolish your little mis-
understanding was.
I wish you young people
wouldn't take your Spats so
seriously Ten to one the boy
will be glad to be reinstated in
your graces. and you are just
standing off and making a
mountain out of a molehill.
copyright, 1888. King Features
Syndicate, 1nc.)
The Washington times., 1933-10-25

Manners
By MRS. CORNELIUS
BEECKMAN
Introducing Brothers

Dear Mrs. Beeckman:
Kindly let me know how one
should introduce ones brother.
Should I say, "Mr. Blank, meet
my brother jack" or should 7
use my brothers last name?
Let me thank this newspaper
and you for your kind service.
G..
That's a very polite and gra-
cious sentence. and we both
thank you.
I'm glad that you wrote me
about a form of introduction.
for 1 should like very much to
urge you not to use this form
that you are interested in.
Never say meet. t....." in an
introduction.
When you introduce your
brother, it is we'll to use the
form of introduction that is
more or less reserved for fam
lily introductions -. a form
more informal than the usual
introduction.
For instance. "Mr. Blank,
this is my brother" or mfr.
Blank, this is my brother
Tom" Or. "Mr. Blank, do you
know my brother Tom?" It
isn't necessary to use the last
name.