The Coolidge examiner., 1933-01-27
The Fable of the
Feeble Squawk
9S
By GEORGE ADE

~ was so heated under the
Neck-Band that he laid back
his Ears and lifted his Bristles and
vowed that he wouldn't stand for
any more Rough Comedy. He had
been the Angora long enough. Papa
was fed up. Old Reliable was ready
TO put on his War Paint and Feath-
ers and lift few Scalps.
Of course you have guessed the
Plot. IL deals with the Younger Cen
Grafton. Once it was known as the
Rising Generation. but that was be-
fore Ii Rose TO such an Eminence
of Cussedness that it hit all the
High-Spots and could not be expect
ed 10 establish any more Altitude
Records without completely blow
ing the Lid off.
All of us know that any Old-fash-
ioned Dad who hops into the Arena
and engages In u Battle with a
handsome and well-groomed Hound
about 10 years old or a night-bloom-
ing Deb is licked before the Gong
sounds. The Old Folks have not a
single Decision in the Western
Hemisphere during the last Five
Years. Every time a Verbal Cham
pion goes against a bewildered Has
Been. the result is a Foregone Con-
clusion.
Notwithstanding which, Mr.. Griv-
cts, still nursing the Delusion that
there was such Thing left in the
world as Parental Authority. got
Wallie and Edna on the Carpet and
proceeded to lay down the Law.
Barking Words That Don't Bite.
He tried to win his Argument by
making lot of Noise. This is Faded
Material. The more he vociferated
the more helpless he felt, in the
Presence of the titled Noses and
the scornful Eyebrow. He started
out as Caesar and finished up as a
mere Splutter.
He pulled a lot of new Regula-
tions on the Offspring. For in
stance:
No More Late Hours.
No More Using the Car Without
Permission.
No more Charge Accounts.
Severance of Diplomatic Rela-
tions with all of the Calclmined
Cuties and desperate Hip-Toters
who frequent Hoofing Emporiums.
No more Attacks on the Ice Box
at A. NJ.
No more inviting up to the House
those Jovial Acquaintances who
look as If they were wanted by the
Police.
No more Breakfasts served at l
p. NJ
No more setting fire to the Bed
Clothes with Cigarettes.
In brief. the Program which Mr..
Grivets outlined with scathing Die
ton contemplated Return to San
ity, Sobriety and Simple Living,
with an incidental Endorsement of
the Coolidge Doctrine Of Economy.
After he had just about talked
himself hoarse without getting any
Results except a few panied Looks.
Edna took long Pull mt her Cork
Tip. and said: "Well. Pop. you are
barking very we'll this Morning. but
you haven't spilled anything except
Lot OF Words. You must have
been brought up back of Barn or
Some Place like that. never saw
such a Doodle Heck. The Jaws
keep moving and it sounds like
somebody saying Something. but
the Whole Thing Is just Gooseberry
Marmalade. AS an Orator you are
a total Bust Just Wibble. that's
ALL | advise you to wash up and
get off the Lot"
Hot Zizzer Obtains New Coat.
"And If this Pickle Juice you are
serving is meant for your perfectly
wonderful Son. you can deliver my
Share of it to some Poor Family"
spoke up Walter. what a Fibgrot-
tie you turned out to be, Stand
ing there. right on top Of a Rug.
and trying TO tell me how to loosen
a Parachute and make a Jump.
Boy. I've got Medals and Speed
Records that you never read about.
You're just Man that lives up at
our House You're what we have
TO explain to our Friends. You are
just the Scale on our Family Tree.
We have a right to he annoyed by
you, hut we're not because you are
the unfortunate Victim of Flannel
Pajamas and too much Cereal Food.
You have the Boobitis. which means
that there Is no Circulation above
the Adams Apple"
For the first time in the History
of the World. the Grivets Family is
making the First Page" suggested
Edna. "Wallie and I are putting it
over. in spite of you and the other
Handicaps. We are crashing into
Swell Dumps where You and Ma
couldn't break in with a Jimmy. We
are a couple of hot little Zizzers and
you ought to he roofing for us in
stead Of trying to check in before
Midnight. Why. the Bambinos we
travel with don't get their Eyes
wide open until about II P. NJ"