The Coolidge examiner., 1933-07-21
THE FABLE OF
KEEPING 1T
UNDER COVER
g
By GEORGE ADE
BY GEORGE ADE
Q. Bell syndlcate.-wNU Service,


Currents Of Destiny switched
into new Directions and a whole
Burg turned upside down without
anybody really saying a Darn Word.
At least, Nothing which might be
pinned down. Nothing that would
be recognized as an Explicit State
ment or admitted in a Court of Law
as Evidence.
No doubt the intelligent and re-
fined Reader will at once ask How
Gomez" Those who go in for good
Literature illustrated by high priced
Artists or Books which are titled in
Gold have been bunked into the
happy Belief that when q Young
Feller gets ready to put the Tall
Proposition up to Sweetie he deliv-
ers a combination Spiel, Bally-hoo,
Grafton and dOuble-leaded Editorial.
Now as a matter of cold Turkey
and as nearly as we can find out
what happened when only two are
present, it seldom happens that he
says to her, as KO-KO says to Kati-
sha, "For years | have loved you
with a white-hot Passion, that Is
slowly but surely consuming my
very vitals."
Neither does he get off any of that
1S-karat Cuff, such as, DO you re-
member that First Day when l met
you coming out of the Casino at
Monaco? You were all in Pink. and
I said to Lord Marchmont, BY Jove'
&c &C."
Heartwork Instead of Headwork.
1t happens that the Writer, sew
eral years ago, made an Appeal to
all Married People to come clean
and fess up and tell exactly what
Language was used when one or the
other Interested Parties made what
is yulgarly known as a Proposal of
Marriage. All the Readers of a
Newspaper having a wide and re-
spectacle circulation were invited
to privately send In the actual Facts
surrounding their Life Romances.
The Investigator wanted to find
out If the everyday, plain, burden
bearing, strap-hanging, lawn-mow-
ing American Citizen really arose to
a Sentimental Height at the Su-
preme Moment or continued to be
a tongue-tied Dub with Eyes like a
Trout and a Vocabulary of about s
words.
Well, the responses came pouring
in, mostly from Women Folks, but
a great many from the He-Victims.
They were Awful Poor Reading.
You might think that when
sincere, handsome, red-blooded
Young American asked the sweetest
and dearest Girl In all the World
to be his Mate throughout Eternity
that the Episode could not be pulled
off without the spllling of Divine
Essence all over the Premises.
1t would. to an Outsider, seem diff
flcult to declare a surging Passion
In the Tones and Terms usually en-
ployed by a Young Couple when they
argue as to which Drug Store keeps
the best Sundaes.
The most disappointing Revela-
tion in connection with the Survey
was that very few Of the Interested
Parties remembered distinctly just
what happened when they commit
ted themselves and held up their
Hands for the Cuffs to be locked on.
themselves into such jelly-like
State Of yearning Alteration that
each wants to lean against the
Other for all Time TO come, they are
operating entirely on the Emotions
and the Intellect is missing on all
Cylinders. After they have sepa-
rated and cooled off and got through
looking at themselves in Mirrors
while laughing In a maniacal Man
ner, they know that the Arrange
ment has been cllnched, but they
do not recall any of the Words or
Phrases used while both were under
the Cas- They are punk Witnesses.
They can't even remember whether
or not it was raining at the Time.
The reports which came in to us
in the Newspaper Office suggested
that the usual Proceedings involved
the following Battle of Words:
'Huh?'
"Yeh?"
"OOh :"
Time Out for Love Stuff.
The story started in the First
Paragraph, and which will still be
held, unless all of the Space Is
wasted on Introduction, involved
Gertie Mills and Fred Sargent, both
residing in the nOt-so large Town
of Curtis Crick, which will be re-
membered as the Stop at which the
Station Agent has the Name of the
Town worked out in whitewashed
DOrnicks.
They had been to the AerodOme
and witnessed a seven-reel Feature
entitled, why Women Mistrust
Men, and Vice Versa" Evidently
it had been directed by Zbysko or
Stranger Lewis or some other we'll
knOwn Wrestler as it consisted en-