Evening star., 1933-08-20
Tobias the Terrible l .

NE night am sitting in Mindy's
Restaurant on Broadway partak
ing heartily of some Hungarian
goulash which comes very nice in
Mindy's what with the chef being
personally somewhat Hungarian
himself, when in pops guy who is stranger
to me and sits down at my table.
do not pay any attention to the guy at
first as am busy looking over the entries Tor
the next day at Laurel, but hear him tell the
waiter to bring him some goulash, too. BY and
by hear the guy making a strange noise and
I look at him over my paper and see that ne
is crying. In fact, large tears are rolling down
his face into his goulash and G ing pop-plop
as they fall.
Now it Is by no means usual to see guys crying
in Mndy's Restaurant though thousands OF
guys come in there who often feel like crying,
especially after tough day at the track, so
commence weighing the guy up with great
interest. I can see he i very little guy. maybe
a shade over 5 feet high and weighing maybe
as much as dimes wcrth of liver. and he has
a mustache like mosquitoes whiskers across
his upper lip, and pale blond hair and very
sad look in his eyes.
Furthermore, he is young guy and he is
wearing a suit of clothes the color Of French
mustard with slanting pockets. and 1 notice
when he comes in that he has brown hat
ritting jack-deuce on his noggin. Anybody
can see that this guy does not belorg in these
parts with such sad look and especially with
such a hat
h IATURALLY, I figure his crying is some
kind CT dge. In fact figure that maybe
The guy is trying to cry me out of the price OF
is Hungarian goulash although if he takes
he trouble to ask anybody before he comes
n he will learn that he NAV just as well try
D cry AL Smith cut of tl,e Empire State
Building
But the guy does not say anything whatever
tn me but just goes on shedding tears into his
ulasil. and finally I get very curious about
IS proposition. and speak to him follows:
Listen. paly," I say, IF you are crying
ut the goulash, you better dry your tears
ore the chef sees you. because" 1 say, the
# is very sensitive about his goulash, and
" take your tears criticism.
The goulash seems all right the guy says
voice that is just sb1ut his size. Any
v, am not crying about the goulash I
crying about my sad life. Friend. the
nv says, ARE you ever in love?"
Well of course. at this crack 1 know what
= eating this guy. If 1 have all the tears that
shed on Broadway by guys in love. will
enough salt water to start an opposi-
n ocean to the Atlantic and Pacific, with
taough left over to run the Great Salt Lake
out of business. But I wish to say I never
shed any of these tears personally. because
am never in love and furthermore barring
q bad break. never expect to be in love- for
the way look at it love is strictly the old
phedinkus. and tell the little guy much.
Well he says, you will not speak so
harshly of love if you are ACQUAINTED with
Miss Deborah Weems
With this he starts crying more than some
what, and his grief is such that it touches
my heart and I have half a notion to start
CRYING with him as am now convinced that
the guy is leveling with his tears.
Finally the guy slacks up little in his cry
ing. and begins eating his goulash. and by
:rd by he seems more cheerful. but then
= is well known to one and all that fair
ose Of Mindy's goulash will cheer up any
ody no matter how sad they feel. Pretty
IN the guy starts talking to me, and I make
=. t that his name is Tobias Tweeney. and
at he comes from spot over in Bucks
unity Pa By the name of Erasmus, some
.hch.
FURTHERMORE, judge that this Erasmus
is not such q large city. but very pleasant.
end that Tobias Tweeney Is born and raised
there and is never much of any place else
in his life, although he is now rising Is.
Well It seems that Tobias Tweeney has a
fine position in a shoe store selling shoes and
is going all right when he happens to fall
in love with doll by the name Of Miss
Deborah Weems whose papa owns gas sta
ton in Erasmus and Is a very prominent citi-
zen. Judge from what Tobias tells me that