The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1933-01-26
SCOOPS COLUMN

By Scoop Himself
To spell such simple words as plough
The writer sometimes wonders hough
The English language sure is tough
No wonder editors grow CROUCH.
just for instance take a mower
In years of age he was fifty-four
Above the crowd he stood like tower
Just from eating whole wheat -four
In all insincerity l ask you nough
If foregoing poem isn't wough;
But for fear you'll call my blough
I'm willing to boiler enough's enough
X y
Di-di Jim, the office devil, is in an
awful stew. He purchased pair OF
overalls to keep his clothes clean, and
now he is wondering how he can keep
his overalls out of the ink.
If the buses in the back lot stay
there much longer, we are going to
have to charge somebody rent. On
else take ten-percent cut of the re-
ceipts that accumulate in the buggy
which is fast becoming known as the
Red Eye Gambling Gen of the Alley
cats. A general admission at the en-
trance might also produce worthwhile
revenue.
The fremen's oyster supper is ovel
and Emroy Bolden was enthusiastical.
ly declared the Chief Guzzler at the
conclusion of the banquet. Although
Bill Browning and Ed Shaffer stayed
in the running for sometime they
couldn't keep pace with "Quack" Boil.
den. Mayor Stemple, the officiaI
counter, said Bolden didn't stop under
the hundred mark, while the best EC
Shaffer and Bill Browning could dc
was so or whereabouts. Mike Carney
said he would have won if he could
have borrowed a set of lowers anC
uppers. While not belittling raw OF
baked oyster in any way, about sever
or eight of US were thankful that
chickens still grow to be cooked anC
eaten.
And now wonder what becomes Of
oyster shells.
Are You Honest?
In February magazine the
question was asked, care You Hon.
est?" and for testing yourself there
was list of questions to answer
Rearranging a few of them and add
ing a few more, it will now be pos
sible for Garrett countians to de-
termine whether they are honest, OF
just bunch of bologna feeders, hon.
est only when convenient.
Try this test first on yourself and
then on your friends. If you live
through it you will find that honesty
in time saves embarrassment and a
stitch in time is the best policy, that
he who laughs last laughs last, and
that people who live in glass houses
should pull down their blinds. Moth
ing personal in the last remark.)
/. Would you tell your hostess you
had a good time if she kept all lights
on, had no obscure corners to sit in
and served no refreshments? Ten
for no.
2. Would you tell a weekend
hostess that the bathtub had a ring
around it, or refrain from taking a
bath, thereby running the chance
that she might see it later and blame
it on you? Ten for yes.
8. If Corporal Currie stopped you
for going SIS, and you knew you were
going 60, would you swear you were
only going As? Ten for no.
4. If Turk Shartzer gave you toe
much change, would you call his at
tention to the error? Ten for yes
Would you act differently if Cecil
Smith, a bank official, made the
same mistake? Ten for no.
S. Would you tell your best
friend? If so, count this question 10
and tell the mouthwash ads "Psoey.'
6. Do you dress in front of mir
ror? Fifty for no.
7. Would ysu go bareheaded in
zero weather. If you answer yes
you might be honest, but crazy
Give yourself ten. You've got to get
score some way or other.
8. If you were extremely busy
and the boss suggested going fishing
would you keep on working? It's
you for a sucker, either way you
answer this one. Take five.
9. Do you think you are the ber-