The Waterbury Democrat., 1933-05-04
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BY HENRY HrcLEMORE

Limited Press Stan Corerspondent)
 New York, May 4 - (U.P)) - Charlie o. Ladysman and Head Play will finish in that order in the Kentucky Derby at Churchill Downs on Saturday.
 This prognostication is made without so much as one minutes study of the form charts and blood lines. It is based solely on the out come of cockroach race in which each of the six reaches that went to the post bore the name of a derby eligible. Before you condemn such system of selection as ob- surd, remember that Hosea Cad- derpelt, in his monumental and en- during classic, "Treatise on the whims of the common cockroach, with special attention to molecular vibrations whilst in perambulatory mood" (Grunlap and Dossip), rates cockroaches only little less potent than tea leaves and on par with the ouija board as prophets. The race was held in the Green wich Village apartment of Captain Grantley Kimm, the man who hopes to make New York cock roach racing, congruous. Captain Kimm's stable of 700 thorough breds includes many famous Eu- ropean racers, including Eff Won Kartoffeln, holder of the worlds record at ten feet, and Midnight Angel, strapping chestnut colt who scored heavily in Balkan steeple- chasers. Kimm will race in night clubs and is positive the sport will become as popular here as on the continent.
 To-day's race was not originally intended as a dress rehearsal of the derby but merely one between claiming platers to show how the suggestion Captain Kimm substi- tuted six of his finest stake runners for the platers and placed them on placed in a test tube at the end of the 6-foot wood track. The finish line consisted of small holes. As the barrier was sprung, a strong spotlight was focused on the track. Cockroaches despise light. They set out at top speed for the shelter of the holes at the finish line.
 Following is the chart on the race:
 Start good. Won driving; second and third same. Charley O., show ing lots of early foot, moved into command when midway of the turn and, responding stoutly to punishment (cockroaches lash themselves vigorously with their whiskers of antennae, when be- hind) in the furlong, came again to outstay Ladysman. The latter sprinted around his field with a rush to gain a slight lead in the closing furlong but could not dispose of the winner. Head play, keen factor all the way, contin- ued stoutly and outlasted MT Khayyam, Isaiah refused to utilize three of his legs and was never a contender. Sarada displayed keen speed for three furlongs but fin- ished greenly.
 Cockroach racing is no joke with Captain Kimm. No thoroughbred horse trainer ever exercised more care with his charges than does the captain. The racers are given work outs twice a day. The distance run ners use the rim of a sink for gall loping and the sprinters a sugar bowl. Captain Kimm sees little chance for American raised roach es to smash the hold now held by foreign racers. As he explained to Allen Smith, one of Americas most famed roach financiers, American reaches are so accustomed to dodg- ing the stamping feet of house. wives that they insist on running zig-zag. The captain said years of patient work would be required to eliminate this fault.