The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1933-06-01
By Scoop Himself

When it comes to playing golf,
you'll have to let me out at the next
corner. And don't forget TO hold out
your hand. Or a lot of other things
for that matter, only golf is my latest
fizzle.
When it comes to laying them on
the green, I'm no ordinary dub-just
extraordinary. Let me get my arms
around somebody's neck, somebody
who is not too big, and 1 can lay them
on the green, like Zybysko of Savoldi,
or if they've got green infield on
the baseball diamond, can land there
occasionally, but the golf green is
different.
1 always thought sand trap was
a place where people like Floyd Col
Inns got stuck, until last week at Fair
mont when 1 followed a couple of ex-
perts around the course and got stung
by the Golf Bug at the fifth hole.
Right then was when I began to
learn things. I always thought a
driver was one who piloted you around
the course until the caddie stuck a
stick in my hand and told me to tee
off. Never having been teed, even
by that stuff from Oakland's several
beer speakeasies, l fired away for a
distant point. They must have given
me a dead ball, as it wouldn't roll
far.
And let me tell you, the straight
and narrow path referred to in the
Bible has nothing on a fairway. Just
little hook or slice and the DEVILS
got you in the rough. In bridge you'd
be down one, but in golf you're one
down. Then you putter around until
you're way above par.
That might sound all right on the
stock market, but not here. That's
one place banker gets thrill when
things are below par. And as fol
brides. A robin crossed my path or
one of my few good shots and I was
mighty near getting one myself.
But why can't I become gol1
player? My brother shot under pal
many times. There's golf in the blood
and look at me. I'd be discouraged
only know who the golf bugs are
around Oakland, and if they've got the
brassie to say they're golfers, Their
there's hope for all us divot takers.
! -
Insects are said to be the chief
rival of man for the possession of the
globe. Right now they're my CHIEF
rival for possession Of my kitchen
They evidently read last week about
my garden and came to see if there
was anything in the rumor.
They are a good sociable bunch ant
want to get acquainted with a lot Of
people in town, hear, but I'd just a:
soon they'd cut me off their visiting
list.
AS for my garden, the burdock i:
already up, and see lot of othel
things peeping through the ground
1t is surprising to see how man!
people do not know what to do when {
flag passes in a parade, or when thu
Star Spangled Banner is played, or i
they do know what to do, they disre
gard all sense Of patriotism.
When the National colors are pass
ing in parade, or in review, the spec
tators should if walking, halt, and i
sitting arise and stand at attention
and uncover. During the playing o
the Star Spangled Banner militar,
spectators are required to stand at at
tention and give the military salute
Civilian spectators should stand at at
tention and uncover.
And uncover, by the way, mean
| take OH your ndI. dSS ClllS oh u
those who do not know, and the mex
time you stand by anyone who ignore
the flag or National anthem, don't b
afraid to impress it upon him. l
telling him won't do, kick on tn
shins sometimes brings results.
y
They take Ralph Weber for tn
weather bureau. Somebody Gale
: him up the other night. GLOW abou
shower tonight?" they asked. cit
, all right with me-" replied Ralph
"Take it if you need it."
/ How some of the wise birds did ge
, trimmed at the "big money" conces
sions at the carnival on Tuesday
: Hearing that one of our Court Hous
: friends had donated to the cause W
called him up about it. 81 didn
i, know any Oakland people were aroun