davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1933-10-02

the advertising pages of current
periodicals. I learn that the
fact that my hair has not
started falling out yet is a very
bad sign-that it means that I
have what is known as Fools
Paradise Disease" a malady in
which the hair does not fall out
gradually but all of a sudden,
overnight, leaving the victim
not only stone bald but slightly
deranged.
I find that there Is abso-
lutely nothing that I can eat
that isn't a menace to my teeth;
that every meal that I put into
my mouh is making me that
much more hideous. My skin, I
find, is only a light covering for
a subcutaneous condition which,
sooner or later, will break
through in large orange blotches
which are the opening gun in
leprosy. And my digestion. in
stead of being the perfectly
bully process I have always
claimed it to be, is merely saw
ing up for the time, not far off
now, when I shall have to be
fed tepid goats milk through an
injection in my arm.
My future is equally black in
the realm of personal achieve
ment. My job is as good as
gone right now, leaving me
facing an old age of poverty
and gnashing of teeth Chose
teeth that are left mel, with
my children bringing down
contumely on my few remain
ing gray hairs for leaving them
public charges in a world Of
plenty. My little house in the
country may be burned to the
ground any night now, and my
automobile smashed to bits in
an accident which, although
not my fault, brings a sneer
of scorn to the lips of the Of
ficiating policeman. In fact,
1 am in for a series Of dis
asters which will make Jobs
puny lamentations seem like
the Whimperings of a pampered
child.
Contrast with this outlook
the pleasant reading offered by
English advertisers. 1t may be
little wordy and badly printed
(but certainly no worse-looking
than the comic-Strip balloons
which have recently found
favor in what used to be ar
tistic American layouts), but it
gives one a nice feeling of
warmth and the stability Of
Old England.
We see, for instance, two
e2ngenial young matronS push
The Washington times., 1933-10-02
ADVERTISING MORALE
-Bv ROBERT BENCHLEY

ing tea at each other and in
dulging in what seems like an
interminable conversation over
the fortunate state of affairs
they find themselves in:
Frankly, Marjorie, how do
you keep so fit? T thought
that I looked we'll, but you
are positively blooming"
Someone else always looks
in better trim than ones self,
don't you think, Doris?"
"I suppose so, and you are a
dear to say it, anyway"
"Oh, no, you are the dear!"
"I'm really not, you know.
I really am quite jealous Of
your excellent skin and your
sparkling eyes. And also Of
your snow-white table linen
but that is another advertise
ment."
"Lemon?"
eyes, please. Two. and now
for your secret"
"There is no secret"
"Tell me, then-there's Q
duck"
In the first place, I do not
worry-because I have nothing
to worry about"
"Well, neither have I. Noel
is awfully good to me, as you
know. I have everything that
I want-a good home, healthy
babies, lots and lots Of tennis
and"
"Wait, dear! There may be
one other thing which accounts
for my fresh complexion and
my clear eyes-and perhaps
for my snow-white table linen,
too."
IT thought there was some
thing. Do tell mel"
well, every morning and
every night I drink a glass Of
The Washington times., 1933-10-02

Weekot's Lime Pop. There!
Now you know!
THAT must be it! I will buy
some this very afternoon. Wee.
kot's Lime Pop, did you say?"
"Yes!"
Now there you have about as
dull a bit of banter as you
could stagger through, but, at
least, it doesn't send chills
down your back. The Weekot
people may not have the gift
for SaIes-talk, but you don't
go out and shoot yourself after
reading it.
There is one famous adver-
tisement carried in the Eng
lish weeklies in which, by just
such fatuous conversation,
one learns about "Dougie," a
bookmaker de luxe, who not
only pays your winnings almost
before the race has started, but
also pays if you lose, just to
keep your goodwill. "Dcug1e"
has a character named Sir
Edward" who is so enthusiastic
over his business methods that
it practically amounts to a
love-match. You get the feeling
from reading it that. whatever
happens to the rest of the
world, England is sitting pretty.
Perhaps here is tip for the
NRA.
(CopyrIght, 1898. King Features
syndicate. Inc.)
The Washington times., 1933-10-02
Washington Times
Adventure Club

Freda Shuster, 1911 D st.
N. E., tells us that her birth
day anniversary was Septem-
ber 81. But she neglected to
tell us in time and so it was
not in the column. Next year,
she writes, she hopes to have
it mentioned along with the
others.
We are putting it RIGHT
down in the book so there will
be no mistake next year. 1t
is a pity she didn't think of
it in time this year. We would
have loved having it.
You know how we feel about
birthdays. Other holidays, such
as Christmas and July Fourth,
etc., are grand, of course, but
a birthday is something that be-
longs exclusively to oneself.
You may share the date with
others, but not in the same
way. It is YOURS. There is
no other day in the year quite
like it.
The Washington times., 1933-10-02
LoUe Triangle and Murder Mystery

I'd certainly be honored. I'll
be seeing you."
II should hope So" she said.
"Good-by."
He went out on the porch and
sat down at the breakfast table.
$50 she's going to marry Sid
dali, is she?" asked Gertie.
"Oh, I suppose I could be lady
like and pretend I didn't hear
you talking to her, but I heard
every word you said. Sounded
to me as though you were very
politely turning her down."
Gertie Listens
"I don't know what would
make you think a ridiculous
thing like that"
"The wish is mama to the
thought, isn't it?" she retorted.
Anyway, that doesn't matter.
But she is going to marry Sid
dall?"
THAT seems to be the
scheme" he replied.
She buttered a muffin, care
fully applied marmalade to it,
and took a healthy bite. She
chewed the morsel vigorously
and swallowed it.
You seem to be standing it
okay," she said.
Life is like that" he
chuckled.
ooh" Her voice was as
blank as Sues had been O
moment before.
The Washington times., 1933-10-02

Layton came out upon the
porch again. THE newspaper
men are frantic, sir" he said.
The afternoon papers are go
ing to press. They want some
statement from you, anything
at all, they say. And Doctor
Glendenning is In the living
ROOM"
"send the doctor out here"
said Durant. "And tell the
newspapermen II have a state
ment for them in half an
hour Good morning, doctor"
he greeted the physician. I
hope you'll find nothing wrong
with me-"
"I don't even intend to look
for anything" said the doctor.
"Just a routine call. AS long
as you slept you were all right.
But if you're going to go
through other strenuous cases,
either don't begin drinking or
don't stop too suddenly"
much obliged for the advice.
I think perhaps I won't start.
Don't you want to look me
over?"
The doctor shook his head.
"Think I'm in shape for any,
thing?"
Anything within reason"
smiled the doctor" Good morn
ing. Good orning, Miss
Waxted. If you ever want to
become q nurse I'll try to get
The Washington times., 1933-10-02
e. Bw Arthur Somers Roche
BY Tuthill

touching when Layton came out
upon the porch.
"Excuse me, Mr.. Durant. I
didn't realize-I'm Sorry-out
the newspaper men beg you to
say something"
Durant kissed the girl del1b-
erately again.
"Tell them, Layton, that Mr..
and Mrs. Durant are sailing for
Europe tonight. They will be
married somewhere in New York
this afternoon. That ought to
be enough"
He bent to kiss the girl again,
but she pushed him from her.
"You can't marry me. I
mean-I'd go with you without
that. You don't have to wreck
your career again. Why, it will
ruin you with all your friends to
marry me. I'm not even a
lady"
"You little snob!" he laughed.
$50, you're not a lady? Well,
you'll do till a lady comes
along"
THE END.
copyright, 1898, by International
Magazine Company
The Washington times., 1933-10-02

Which reminds us that to-
day is the birthday anniver.
sary of Arthur Miller, 1919
Tenth st. N. w., and Jean
Eiler, New Brighton, Pa. We
hope both are having the love
lest Of days. And that they
will have many more anniver-
saries to celebrate.
Marjorie Redmond, Of Bar
croft, Va, has sent us a little
picture of herself which, un-
fortunately, we will have to re-
turn as it is not clear enough
to make a newspaper cut. We
hope she will have another one
taken in the near future and
let us have a print. She is a
very attractive little girl and
we would like very much to
publish her picture.
The Washington times., 1933-10-02

We in America are so accus-
toned to the hit-and-run method
of selling goods that the adver-
Using copy in English magazines
seem leisurely to the point OF
sleeping sickness. And yet prob
ably the English are much hap
pier by their advertising than
we are. At any rate, they are
not frightened so much.
I am frankly in mild panic
over the state of my affairs, in
duced by a casual skimming Of
Evening star., 1933-07-30
BLISS, WESTLAND
CLASH FOR CROWN
Oklahoma Co|Iegian Plays
Chicago Vet for Western
Amateur Golf Laurel.
BY DILLON GRAHAM,
Associated Press Sports Writer.

r EMPHIS, Tenn, July o.
M Rodney Bliss, a young col
VI lege star from Omaha, and
Jack Westland, Chicago
veteran, today entered the final
round of the Western amateur
golf tournament and will meet
over the 36-hole route for the
Western amateur golf champion
ship title tomorrow.
Both were carried to the thirty sixth
green ir tight battles, Bliss subduing
Carl Damn, jr, of Orlando, the Florida
champion, / up, while Westland whip
ped youthful Walter Emery, the inter
collegiate golf king from Oklahoma
City, up.
Tonight Bliss found himself chal-
lenger for a major golf championship
foi the second time within a month.
Just four weeks ago the Nebraskan, who
plays on Cornells golf team, was a
flnalist in the national intercollegiate
tournament. His opponent and con-
Queror then was Emery.
Neither Bliss nor Westland has been
so near the Western championship be-
fore, although Westland fought Francis
Ouimet for the national title two years
ago and played last Summer on Amer
ica's Walker Cup team.
Bliss, is the Nebraska State champion
and earned some fame last year by put
ting Johnny Goodman out Of his State
meet.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
YANKEE MAID BOWS
TO MARY CAMPBELL
Fifteen Year-0ld Dorothy Bundy
Misses British Columbia
Tennis Title.

BY the Associated Press.
VIICToR1A, British Columbia. July
v 20.-Mary Campbell of Victoria
won the women's British Colum
bia tennis championship here today by
defeating Dorothy Bundy Of Santa
Monica. Calf. 60. 26, O..
The stocky 15-year-o girl. who yes
terday defeated Gracyn Wheeler Of
Santa Monica, defending champion. was
unable to pull through in the third set
today She had rallied to take the
second, 60, after Miss Campbell swept
through the first without the loss Of a
game.
Later Miss Campbell gained q share
in another championship when she and
Mrs. R. B. Wilson, also OF Victoria. de-
feated Miss Wheeler and Mrs. Coda
Gross Of Berkley, Calf, in the women's
doubles final, 3-6, 6+, 81.
The mems doubles team Of John
Murio, San Francisco Hawaiian, and
Martin Ksnneally, also of San Fran
cisco, won a five-set match to take the
mems doubles title defeating c. r. Hunt
of San Francisco and Ned Russell of
Hollywood, 36. 6-3, Ga, 2-6, 60.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
MISS HOFME|STER
VIRGINIA NET QUEEN
Eddie Jacobs Defeats Hess to
Permanently Win ChaI-
Ienge Bowl.
vOT SPRINGS, Va, July 20.

7 Tot SPRINGS. Va, July 20.
IL Louise Hofmeister of
Chicago, who holds the
Washington. D. c., women's
tennis title. displayed a beautiful
all-court game today to win the
singles of the twentieth annual
Virginia State championship, de-
feating in straight sets Reba Kir-
son of Baltimore. Then Miss Hof-
meiSter shared honors with Miss
Kirson in winning the doubles.
Miss Hofmeister early in the singles
match showed remarkable steadineSs.
which held up throughout her 6-l, 6-1
victory over Miss Kirson.
Then they paired to defeat Miss
Eliza Come of Asheville, NJ c., and Miss
Josephine Gray. IS, 6j3, to win the
doubles championship.
With the exception Of the second
game In this set, when Miss Kirson
broke through her opponents service,
the Baltimore girl never had a chance.
EDDIE JACOBS of Baltimore de-
n, feated l9-year-old Wilbur Hess,
Texas State champion, in the
singles final to win permanent possess
sion of the Challenge Bowl.
Hess. who had advanced to the final
with q surprising straight-set victory
over Herbert L. Bowman of New York,
in the semi finals. gave the Baltimore
ace battle before going down, rs.
81. 6L3, 60, in gruelling four-set
struggle.
The Challenge Bowl came to Jacobs
after the trophy had been in competi-
tion since 1922. The Baltimore star
entered the tournament with two legs
to his credit on the bowl.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
BETTY NUTHALL WINS
MAIDSTONE OPENER
Virginia Rice Eliminates Carolin
Babcock-Nrs. Moody, Alice
Marble Out of Singles.

By the Associated Press.
EA Asst HAMPTON, N. Y. July 29-
r. Betty Nuthall of England and
Virginia Rice of Boston chalked
up victories in the first round of sin
giles as the eighth annual Maidstone
Club invitation tennis tournament got
away to an abbreviated start today.
Miss Nuthall easily defeated Marjorie
Sachs OF Boston. 81. 81. while Miss
Rice scored a minor upset in eliminat-
ing Carolin Babcock Of Los Angeles,
53, g.
Helen Wills Moody, twice winner of
the singles trophy. decided today to
withdraw from singles and to play only
in the doubles. She and Alice Marble
Of San Francisco will meet Miss Rice
and Miss Sachs in the opening round Of
that division tomorrow. Sarah Pal
frey Of Brookline, winner Of the Sea-
bright championship this afternoon.
also decided not to play singles. but
with Miss Babcock will play first
round doubles match tomorrow against
Margaret Scriven Of England and Eliza
beth Ryan, veteran Californian who has
lived in England for many years.
Three second-round singles matches
also will be played, with Miss Nuthall
facing her British Wightman Cup
teammate, Mrs. L. R. c. Michel: Miss
Marble playing Josephine Cruickshank
Of Los Angeles. and Mary Heeley. FIRST
ranking British player. engaging Mrs.
Marjorie Gladman Van Ryn.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
STRAIGHT OFF THE TEE

Quite a group Of professionals from
Washington and Baltimore are at Bed
ford Springs. Pa, today playing in an
amateur professional competition billed
as the preliminary to the Bedford
Springs open. The open will be held
tomorrow over the 36-hole route. Al
Houghton finished second last year, and
Is making another bid this year.
Local amateurs who are to compete
in the sectional qualification rounds for
the amateur championship at Columbia
on August are wondering when the
U. s. G. A. is going to release the pair
ings for the Columbia event. 1t Is only
q little more than q week OIL and the
boys are wondering who they are going
to play with.
@NE of the phases of the Indian
Spring situation that is giving
the District Golf Association no
little concern Is the status Of the DIS
trict amateur championship, which Is
slated to be decided at Indian Spring
on September and 8. 1t Is expected
that President Robert Stead. jr., Of the
District association will call . meeting
Of the Executive Committee within e
few days to decide whether to hold the
title chase at Indian Spring or to trans
fer It to another course.
The Amity Club of Washington will
hold its annual golf tournament next
Thursday at Congressional. Prizes will
be awarded to the winners in several
classes Entries may be made through
George jacobson, National 2453.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
ESSEFF STRETCH RUNNER
Shows Speed in Final Sixteenth to
Take Latonia Oaks.

LATONIA. KY. July 20 R.-Esseff
of the Dixiana Stables came up with q
rush IN the final sixteenth today to win
the Latonia Oaks. closing day feature,
and a purse Of $4,000. The winner paid
$6.32 for So to win.
A head behind was Knights Gal Of
the Audley Farms, the pacemaker
throughout. while third was A. A.
Baroni's Bamboula, too tired to do more
than hold her place.
Five went to the post, with Technique
scratched. but Knights Gal, Bamboula,
and Essen had the race much to them
selves. They were in that order from
the start until the far turn, when
Bright Bubble moved to third Jockey
Horvath on Esseh then opened up, and
spurted through to win. Edith A was
trailing sadly all the way.
The race, In its thirty-seventh rum
ming. was at q mile and a quarter.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
20 YEARS AGO
IN THE STAR.
n UBE BENTON, star pitcher OF
N the Cincinnati Club, probably

ID UBE BENTON, star pitcher OF
N the Cincinnati Club, probably
fatally injured in a motorcycle
accident near that city.
Jose r. Capablanca Of Havana
wen the chess masters tournament
in New York, not losing a game in
l3. He defeated A. Kupchik, metro
politan master.
Jack Bentley Of Silver Spring.
Nd, a pitcher. has been signed by
the Nationals. He stands 8 feet
and weighs 180.
Joe Engel, now thoroughly estab-
lished as a dependable washington
pitcher. defeated st. Louis, 2-1. He
allowed only three hits, two Of them
scratches.
Interior won the Departmental
League flag, defeating Agriculture
in the second game Of a proposed
series Of three. Dolly Gray pitched
strongly for the winners. Weisen-
berger, starting Aggie pitcher, was
knocked cut Of the box and replaced
by Smoky Joe Owens. Harry Shalm.
Spike Robinson, Tansin and War
thern starred.
Austin Howard Is doing well with
the Lynn Club Of the New England
League.
The fight for the American League
batting lead no longer is between
only Ty Cobb of Detroit and ice
Jackson of Cleveland. This Speaker
of Boston now Is only few points
behind the leaders.
Sherwood was a 81 victor ever
Northern in the Central League.
Fitzgerald and Moran starred.
Petworth conquered Pension Bu-
reau, 81, in the Federal League.
Plunkett, ODounen and Kirk were
outstanding.
This has been a great season for
southpaw pitchers In the American
League. Among the portsiders with
the base averages are Boehling of
Washington; Plank, Athletics; Gregg
and Mitchell, Cleveland; Collins,
Boston; Russell. Chicago, and
Hamilton, st. Louis.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
YOUTH PRESSES MARSTON
Philly Star Ekes Out Victory in
Shenecossett Semi-Einal.

EASTERN POINT, N. Y. July 20 Up.
Max Marston, veteran Philadelphian.
seeking the title for the sixth time.
barely squeezed through the semi final
round Of the Shenecossett Invitation
Golf Tournament today, defeating "a
year-old Henry Lanman Of Providence,
/ up.
In the 36-hole final tomorrow the
1923 national champion will oppose Dow
Ahern, 21-year-old W1lhmantic young
ster, who played Is holes three strokes
under par to defeat william Y. Dear.
jr.. Brown University sophomore, from
Montclair, N. j., S and 4. Ahern elm
mated c. Tracy Barnes Of Locust Val
ley, N. Y, the defending champion,
up at the twenty first in the quarter
finals this morning while Marston was
coasting to an easy and S triumph
over Spencer Brainard of Branford,
Conn.,
Evening star., 1933-07-30
.LATONA AND WELSH.
VIE FOR NET TITLE
Mrs. Martinez Meets Clara
TabIer for Public
Parks Grown.
NTHONY LATONA and, Bar


n ney Welsh, victorious in
n semi-final matches yester-
day against Gene Herman
and Frank Shore, meet at 200
this afternoon on the Sixteenth
Street Reservoir courts for the
Public Parks championship and
the privilege Of representing the
District Of Columbia in the Ma
tional Public Parks tournament to
be staged in New York beginning
next week.
Latona easily eliminated Gene Her
man, 60, 81.
Shore took the first set from Welsh,
63. dropped the second, 3-6. and led
54 and 1870 In the third, only to
see the Duke star pull up even and cap
ture the deciding set, IS.
Latona, seeded No. /, encounters q
worthy foe in the smooth -stroking Duke
University ace. Welsh, veteran Of three
seasons at Duke and captain Of the var
Sity team next year, has participated in
number OF tournaments In addition to
the collegiate schedule, and includes in
his bag an assortment Of ground strokes
varied enough to irritate any of the
local top-notchers.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
NHERE are plenty of tournaments
for public links golfers this year.
Mems affairs have been staged
aIreAdv bv Rnck Greek Park and

Mems affairs have been staged
already by Rock Greek Park and
East Potomac Park: . women's cham
pionship has been held at Rock Greek
Park, and the District municipal links
title chase will end on Tuesday, when
the winners at Rock Creek and East
Potomac get together in the final rounds
TO be played at both courses.
But still another public links event is
In the ofing. Over the Fairlawn course
at Anacostia, will be played during the
latter part of August another. public
links tourney, to be staged by the Wei
fare and Recreation Association of
Public Buildings and Public Parks,
operators Of the golf course in Anacostia
Park. Entries will close on August 13.
with an entry fee Of so cents to be
charged Qualifying rounds will start
on August IA, to be followed by four
match-play rounds on succeeding days.
It will be the first tournament to be
held on the 18-hole course which was
opened for play only last Spring, and
there will be enough flights to ac-
commodate all the entrants.
Evening star., 1933-07-30
Epp,E loOS

The position OF Eddie's head, how
ever. was significant. He kept it
behind the ball and held 1t there
throughout the swing. This meant
that although his weight was for
ward, his body was behind the ball.
1t is a point stressed by Loos.
AS to arm control, the left exer-
cised it all the time. Eddie, on these
shots. makes a point Of not letting
the right hand get into action too
soon. For one thing, If 1t takes
control, the clubhead is likely to
hit into the upward slope behind
the ball. If it doesn't do that
terrible slice follows.
Mastering that pitch shot will
save you many strokes. You will
find some good tips in a leadet on
''The Art Of Pitching" which Joe
Glass will be glad to send free to
any one sending him q stamped.
self addressed envelope. Write him
in care Of this paper.
(Copyrisht, 1933)
Evening star., 1933-07-30
California StriPlings to Battle
For Tennis Grown of Illinois

~ HICAGO. July ga pair Of
stars from California, Gene
Mako of Los Angeles. and Don
~ Bulge of San Francisco, will
meet tomorrow for the Illinois
State singles tennis title at the Chicago
Town and Tennis Club.
Bulge, a tall, hard-hitting University
of California sophomore, blasted Illinois
hope of a representative in the title
round of its own tournament by defeat
ing Eddie Lejeck of Chicago, 6-2, 60,
IS. Mako, runner-up to Frankie
Parker for the national clay courts
championship, slowed away another
Californian, Joseph Coughlin Of Palo
Alto, IS, "a, 60.
Ieieck had scored the biggest upset
Of the tournament in eliminating Jack
Tidball, Los Angeles, the No.. seeded
entrant. but Bulge carried too many
runs Tor him. Playing in his first
tournament east Of the Mississippi, the
Galiioruia junior cashed In on slash
Evening star., 1933-07-30
HAS SKILL TO WIN Z.
NATIONAL HONORS
Lone D. c. Entry in P. G. A.
Tourney Rated Among
Best Pros in East.
BY w. r. McCALLUM.

A LTHOUGH washington Will
~ have only one represent
n ative in the Professional
Golfers Association cham
pionship at Milwaukee next week,
that same genial Houghton of
Kenwood-iS just about as strong
a player as there is along the
bunkered Atlantic Seaboard.
Since he turned professional
five years ago, forsaking the win
ming of silver mugs for the more
lucrative business of collecting
cash for brides, Houghton has
come very near reaching his goal
that of becoming one of the
Nations leading players.
To be sure, he has not won ma ajor
title, and it may be that he never will,
but he has reached the top of the local
heap in an amazing burst of golf that
has transformed good amateur into
a top-notch pro. The history of the
game is sprinkled with names Of men
who have just what Houghton has
done-turned professional and become
big money winners. Leo Diegel, Tommy
Armour, Bobby Cruickshank, George
Won Elm, to mention just a few, are
among the former simon-pures who
have attained dizzy heights as profess
sional golfers after rather ordinary
careers as amateurs