The Coolidge examiner., 1933-06-02
The Fable of
the Tired
Typicals
g
By GEORGE ADE
@. Bell syndlcate.-wNU Service.

on a busy Corner in the Big
Settlement. just where he was
Hazard for all Pedestrians He
wore a Linen Duster and carried
Carpet Bag with Red Flowers on
1t. The bristly Gosh ding-its forked
straight out from the Sub-maxillary
and ne Gported droopy Straw Hat
with a Shoe string around 1t. Know
ing that he was under Observation
by the City Folks he started in to
live up to his Reputation. After
rubbering at a Tall Building. with
the mouth open. he exclaimed:
Gosh all Firewoodl We amt got
nothin' like that out at Rutabaga
Center. Jumpin' cornstalksl I'm
goin' to see all the Sights If | bust
Gallusl Col sizzle! Jimminy
Crickets! low. calkerlate and
swan that this hur Town is Ding
Walloper p
He paused and wiped his Freckles
with Bandanna. Ii was a tough
Asslgnmenr-talking Dialect.
AS he stood there impeding Traf-
&c, who should approach him but
the Traffic Policeman.
''Phwat the Dlvvle do ye name,
blockin' the Strate?" demanded the
Copper.
A 14-Tube Farmer.
This Is most interesting" said
the Agriculturist, forgetting his
Role. often l have wondered II
any Officer of the Law really did
use 'Phwat'."
II am compelled to do so by the
Exigencies of Realism" said the
Constable, lowering his voice. Even
though | am OF Polish Descent and
was born in Roxbury. Mass. am
supposed to speak Irish, even to
the extent OF 'Spalpeen.' II there
Is such a Word"
Il get you" said the Boob from
the Sticks. ANY stranger walk
Ing up to you might be the Creative
Artist who puts Titles into Moving
Pictures and II wouldn't do to ruin
his illusions. But | am telling you
that II Is no Burst of Laughter to
chew a straw all Day or tote this
awful-looking Vanity Case"
Then possibly | am mistaken in
assuming that you have come to
Town TO buy a Gold Brick or trade
your Farm for some phoney OIL
Stock" said the officer.
You sure are" was the Reply. 81
am here to look up a new Radio
Set. Our l4-tube Super Zlngadino
will not permit us TO pick up either
Honolulu or Rome. we want one
with some class. This must be an
off Day with you. have been siz-
ing you up two Minutes and you
haven't clubbed any one yet. Now.
In the two-reel Comics"
I'm merciful Guy" said the
Bobby. II spare even the Hip
Tlaskers who are begging for TrOu-
hle. never. except on the Screen.
'oak a Comic just to see him roll
Ip the Eyes and do a Turpin Fade
away. And yet. the only People
who get me sized up right are the
Members OF our Order. We have
an extremely gum-shoe Organiza-
tion called the Society of Over
worked Types. Perhaps you would
like to attend a Meeting"
Lament Of the T. 9. M.
Would they let me back out Of
this Character Costume and appear
in my regular Sears-ROebuck? ?"
asked the Hayseed.
THAT is the idea of the Club. We
get together in Private and swap
Troubles and sympathize with Each
Other"
So that is how it came about that
the Conventional Yap was taken
by the Usual Policeman to meet the
Flapper. the Sheik, the Devilish Old
Lady and the Tired Business Man.
They dined in a quiet Alcove and.
finding themselves unobserved. the
Business Man took Crackers and
MIX. the Old Lady ate a Frankfurt
er. the Flapper ordered up Plat
ter Of Corn Beef and the Farmer
wanted two Squads with Romaine
Salad and Cafe Parfait.
The Tired Business Man said he
would have to hurry as new Girls
and Music Show was opening and
he had been advertised as a First
Nighter for so long that now the
Piece wouldn't ring up unless he
was in the Front Row.
"If you think you are getting
Raw Deal. look at me-" he said to
visiting Tulip Grower. "Just be-
cause ! toll like a Turk all Day,
am supposed to hurry out about
6 80 P. 81. seeking any kind of re-
laxing Entertainment. so long as 1t
is Noisy. Senseless and moderately
Indecent What do | wish to do?
Go home and play Chess. What
must | do? Get right down In the
Talcum Powder Zone. next to the
Big Fiddle. and explode with Laugh
ter at all the Wheezes which Happy
Cal Wagner pulled in Sandusky in
1885,"
| "How about having one foot In