The Washington times., 1933-06-07

IL 4OO WILL UAoNN4 SSSA
few years in your memory you
may recall that the Eastern
portion of our strange country
was in the grip of a Back to
Nature" fad. For some reason
that I have never been able to
understand, certain men who
were sane enough in other re-
spects took themselves into vir-
gin wilderneSSes and there WreS-
tied with the elements for a
week or two.
One Disciple
Just who started the fever,
and what the originator hoped
to gain by it, I do not know.
1t doesn't make much differ
ence, because we need concern
ourselves only with one OF the
movements disciples, a chap
we'll call Bert Wilson, since
that's as far from his right
name as any I can think OF at
the moment.
Bert was born in a small New
England town and, in his youth,
distinguished himself only by
his ability to exist for twenty
odd years without the disagree
able influence of manual labor
entering his life at all. And, al
though he had never done any
thing more strenuous than lift
ing his arm at a dinner table,
he was firmly convinced that
he was slightly different from
the ordinary run of mortals.
He knew himself to be a
super he-man. And he dreamed
of the day when the world
would recognize him as such.
In view of the circumstances,
then, you will probably not be
surprised when I tell you that
Bert was one of the first to sue
cumb to the "back to nature"
fad. He slung a knapsack over
his shoulder, said goodby to his
anxious folks and told the world
that he was departing for the
Maine woods, where he would
live in communion with the
beasts of the forest and sub
sist only on berries and the
meat of such animals as he
would slay unassisted. Thereby
proving that man was supreme
and that he was nuts.
Bert Returns
For two weeks, which was the
length of his stay, nothing was
heard from Bert. Then he
emerged from the wilderness
with half grown beard, limbs
and face swollen from poison
ivy and a consuming hunger.
He posed for a picture and gave
gave out narrowing and slightly
false statements regarding his
experiences of the past IA
days.
Inasmuch as several of his
predecessors had attempted the
same feat and failed, Bert was
hailed as a person of superhu-
man stamina and bravery. The
chamber of commerce Of his
home town, pleased with the
publicity it had received, feted
him royalty. Bert, I need not
tell you, was in his glory. At
last the world had awakened to
the fact that he was a man
among men.
The newspapers, of course,
ceased to mention him after
the first few days. BY that time
another superman had remain
ed in the woods for three weeks,
and Bert was promptly forgot
ten. Forgotten, that is, by
everyone except Bert himself.
The feat was over, but the
boasting fingered on. Anyone
who made the mistake of paus-
ing long enough to say Hello"
to the erstWhile man of the
forest was obliged to listen
while he recounted in great
length and great detail his ex-
periences in the Maine woods.
For several years Bert re-
mained in the background.
Then, suddenly his name pop
ped into the news columns once
more.
This time he was performing
no heroic deed. He was merely
taking unto himself a wife.
And if you find these last state
ments open to argument we will
pass over them quickly.
In News Again
The newspaper items at this
time were not very lengthy, ex-
cept in the local papers where
Bert'S past history and the story
of his bravery in the face of
dangers Ct the wilderness were
again dug up and set orth.
IT was pointed out, at that
time, that Bert's fiancee, who
had excelled in athletics at
hish school, was indeed a fitting
made for the modern Tarzan.
The lady of his heart resi- led
in a small mill town not far
from Bert's home, where her
father was a foreman in one of