The Coolidge examiner., 1933-04-14
The Fable of
Mr.. Eatmore's
Diet
g
By GEORGE ADE
@. Bell syndicate.-wNU Service.

more who should have taken
Off his Hat to his Tummy. For the
humble pear-shaped Organ has been
through many a War. The Fact
that il was not worn out, but was
still trying to stay on the Job,
proved that Nature is more wonder
full than Art; when it comes TO all
round toughness the Rhinoceros
runs second to Man.
Before the stomach finally went
on strike 1t earned many a Service
Stripe. Through years of german
dizing and guzzling 1t was a True
Pal OF George. always right there
when needed and doing its Duty
cheerfully under the most trying
Circumstances.
And yet, for several Decades, Mr..
Eatmore never referred to his
faithful Gizzard except in Lam
gauge of Complaint. And he would
not have dreamed of introducing
his Stomach as a Topic Of Conver-
sation in Polite Society. He adj
hered to the old-fashioned Belief
that the Alimentary Canal Is entire
ly a private Affair.
II would be impossible to produce
a Novel, Play or Movie without fea-
turing the Heart. The Cardiacal
Mechanism is put in the Center of
the Stage and flooded with Spot
Lights while the Woodworking and
reliable stomach. situated only about
Eight Inches to the Southwest, is
permitted to toll at the most menlal
tasks In utter Darkness, with never
a word of Sympathy or Encourage
ment The prudes say that One
who becomes too specific regarding
the old Food-Trap is immodest and
guilty of Social Error.
The Lungs often receive Honor
able Mention and many a Verml-
form Appendix. with little to be said
for 1t in the way Of looks. Is
carefully preserved in a Bottle
and shown to Callers. but the
Stomach has been and continues to
be. as you might say. the Step-Child
of the Human Organism. 1t endures
all Of the Hardships and gets most Of
the Blame.
For instance, take the Case OF
George Eatmore. Even while he
was very Young and on the Milk.
he would often ask his Digestive
Apparatus to take on such Odds
and Ends as Buttons. Pins. small
Pieces of Coal. Calling Cards and
Lint. Soon after he was weaned
he put into the handy Receptacle
a most varied Assortment, including
Green Apples. Raw Turnips. Mo
lasses Candy. Strawberry Pop and
all of the dye-stuff Berries and ole
aginous Nuts growing in the Wild
wood.
Did the Craw rebel when II was
bombarded at all hours? On the
Contrary, II stood up and never was
devoid OF Pep. Each Morning Il
would look up at George and say.
"well, my Hearty. what's the Pro-
gram for Today?"
College Lads Learned Something.
II was while George was In High
School that he got quite Giggle
one day from reading in his Physi-
ology that the Stomach Of Man con-
tains about Three Pints. Very often
he had eaten as many as two Wa
termelons at a Sitting and anyone
who says that two Watermelons are
not more than three pints has never
studied Botany. It just goes TO
show how little the Authorities
really know.
After George entered College he
and the Receiving Station took
many a hard Trip together. All this
happened when Keg Parties were
considered Polite Functions and a
string of weenies smothered with
Mustard was called a Light Lunch
con. Lads who attended Institu
tions of Learning really learned
something.
Between the catch-as-catch-can
Reanery. which specialized on catch.
dried Prnnes which had been outer
cased by the Goodyear Company
and those jolly Midnight Pick-ups
consisting largely of Limhurger and
Rye bread. Is seemed at times that
George shnnld have been supplied
with several Stomachs, the same as
a Cow.
Once in while the hard-worked
Pouch would try to suggest to
George that II was not q WaSte-Bas-
ket. hut he seemed TO think that
the Proper time tO eat was he
tween meals. Whenever there was
a complaint he would ignore II and
urge the patient Slave To keep on
working overtime.
We now discover Our Hero as a
struggling Law Student. trying 70
live on Nothing per Week II was
during these Lean Days. after Dad
had discontinued the sending of
Checks. that George seemed to re-
gard the Doughnut as Vtamin p.
He freqnented the old-style Lunch
Counter and subsisted on so-called