The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1933-04-13

under pressure is all the bunk this
week. Usually it works, but here it is
a short time before the zero hour and
no column. We shudder to think what
might happen to the subscription list
of The Republican if we were to fold
up our tent, so something just has to
be done about it.
1t may be the power of suggestion,
or something but the fact is that some
men are working on that Alder street
eyesore that we spoke about last
week.
All right! I'll give every citizen
just three weeks to get busy cleaning
up his property or include his name in
the list of towns eyesores. Don't be
like the fellow who kept his property
as dirty as he was. He boosted that
he had hide like a rhino and that
he wasn't due to take a bath until
June 3Oth.
Some people take bath each day,
And some three times week,
But we don't take ours, we're free to
say,
Until our wrinkles squeak.
That is, if we have wrinkles.
II 4
Eggs have become so cheap. It's
we'll the hen cannot know how much
she makes for day of hard labor. 1t
would break down the morale.
And speaking of poultry, have you
heard of the representative of the pill
low and mattress concern who was
sent to Oakland to contract for car
load or so of chicken feathers from a
large" hennery in the East Oakland
section?
Although coming little late, we
have just found out what "Technoc-
racy" is. 1t is the hydroputical in
consequential circumbulocution of the
thermistatical parallelogram, and it
was first discovered by DR.. Rollinzo-
moski Sepigelgotoski, of Russia, and
the only known remedy is ipecac.
#**
| When you want any information,
Just call US. We know everything,
including who lobbied for the beer BILL
Just a few minutes ago somebody
called from Crellin and wanted to
know whether the Titanic which sank
in 1912 was an English or American
vessel. After finding the informa-
ton bureau behind the linotype ma
chine (the boss editor himself), we
discovered that it was an English YES
sci, making its maiden voyage to this
country.
Just ask us anything. If we don't
know it, we won't admit it.
| x \
After listening intently over the
radio for new jokes and new ideas, we
wish we could sprinkle formaldehyde
on some of the jokes they are spring
ing over the air. Eddie Cantor and
Fred Allen are as guilty as the rest
of them. If they keep on going back
ward Pm going to feel like two
year-old mot a two-year-old egg).
*#*
If the county gets $4,000 to dis
tribute to the unemployed OF this
county it's going to be much nicer
being unemployed than having job.
With less than 10000 people in the
county, why not just give each of US
$500 and let it go at that. My ad-
dress is Scoop, care of The Republi-
can. Send cash or money order, and
just watch my dust.
Seems to me lot of those who got
Red Cross flour, Red Cross cotton and
supplies through the Relief Commit
tee had less to worry about and got
along better than a lot of others who
were trying to make an honest liv-
ing.
I could go on like this forever, and
l take back what l said at the begin
ming of this column. The boss editor
informs me he'll leave me out alto
gether unless hurry up, and as we're
crowded anyway, l shall buss you all
goodbye. And if you don't know what
buss is, watch out for it next week, OF
consult old man Noah.
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