Evening star., 1933-09-03

Progress Exposition at Chicago
without being vaguely conscious
Of the diminishing stature OF
man in the scientific scene. Co
ing through the Communications
Building for example, one is impressed by the
speed and facility with which messages are
transmitted from coast to coast. But at the
same time one Is depressed by the tr1vality
of the messages themselves.
The same forces which flash an S o from
a sinking ship at sea now enable Cousin Gladys
to tell Aunt Ida that the blackberry cordial Is
in the lower left-hand corner of her steamer
trunk right next to the invisible hair nets.
(Of course there is always possibility that
the message may be in code, with Aunt Ida
as a prime minister in disguise, the blackberry
cordial submarine and the hair nets a ship
ment of gold bullion. But real life Is seldom
Oppenheim)
Among the features at the exposition is a
service which permits you to make a three
minute long-distance call toll Free with the
compliments of the Century of Progress. The
catch Is that any o1e who happens to be In
the neighborhood can listen in on everything
you say. This tends to make the average
'phoner (who is already somewhat f1ustered)
kibitzer- conscious and the phonee is usually
too dazed and startled to be quite coherent, the
conversations are not sparkling.
c INCE long distance telephoning has become
- national habit it may truthfully be said
that one-half of the world doesn't know when
the other half sleeps. Last Winter when
Grandpa Weems celebrated his 89th birthday
anniversary all his children and grandchildren
telephoned their congratulations to the old
gentleman. The first call came from Cousin
Septimus Weems who was over in London do
ing research at the British Museum for his
Phi. D. The jangling of the bell routed grandpa
out of the patchwork quilts at o'clock in the
morning; still half asleep, he CROPPED his way
down to the telephone.
There he Stood first on one bare foot and
then on the other while subzero draft from
the crack under the front door tapped the
tails Of his nightshirt. He put the receiver to
his good ear and listened intently, but all he
could hear was a faint clicking.
'Helo Hello!" grandpa shouted until the
storm windows ratified. (He had been the
champion hog caller of Teabone County in
his day.. who's there? Hello!" His below
ing aroused Toby the aged spaniel that slum-
bered on the hearth, and Toby began barking
furiously that grandpa's outcries became a
mere obbligato.
Aunt Eulalie, assuming that the house
being invaded by burglars, opened her bed
room door and cried in shrill commanding
tones "All right, Tenn give me that gum Steve,
you take the ak! Don't forget to put bullets
in those pistols, Jack-and shoot to kill" Then,
after discreet pause, she appeared alone at
the head of the stairs-Wrapped in Uncle
Horaces macintosh, with a curling iron in
her clenched fist. Her purpose in rallying
this wholly imaginary army she explained
later, was to strike terror in the hearts of the
invaders-but it succeeded only in striking
terror in the heart of Olga, the cook, who set
up a hysterical screaming which sounded like
a Valkyrie being taken for a ride.
Meanwhile grandpa had attempted to silence
the dog with vigorous kick, forgetting that
he was unshod. The dog yelped twice and
grandpa yelped three times When Aunt Eula-
lie came down the stairs he was holding one
foot and hopping up and down on the other.
IT can't hear dunn thing!" he shouted, in
dicating the dangling telephone receiver. You
try it,"
Aunt EuIalie tried it. "It's Cousin Septimus!"
she announced presently. Hes calling from
London. He wants to talk to you
PITY he couldn't wait till mornin'," Grandpa
Weems grunbled. Taking the receiver gin
gerly, he thundered, "Hello!. What's the
matter? .Who?. Say that again!. .Jumpin'
Jupiter!" He turned to Aunt Eulalie in alarm.
"Septimus says he's goin' to be burned at
the stake!"
"Nonsense!" Aunt Eulalie took the receiver
from him and listened for a moment. Why,
of course, Septimus. I'll tell him. Grandpa,
Septimus was merely wishing you many happy
returns of the day. That's ALL
Are you sure?" queried grandpa with q
tinge Of disappointment in his tone Aunt
Eulalie was positive. well, mebbe So" he
conceded as he trudged upstairs in the dark,
but when put the receiver to my ear swear
I could hear the flames a-cracklin'"
DEFORE breakfast grandpa received long
- distance congratulations from Cousin Err
nest in New York, and other absent relatives
were heard from at brief intervals throughout
the day. BY the middle of the afternoon
grandpa had developed chronic case of tele-
phobia He refused to lift the receiver from the
hook Aunt Eulalie was obliged to receive all
incoming calls, relay his birthday greetings
to him and delete the profanity from his re-
plies And when Cousin Mlie called from
California shortly after midnight, Grandpa
UaeroS leaned from his couch and tore the