The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1933-05-18
GROWING WITH YOUR CHILD
Should They Obey?

Between managing child and
exacting obedience, there is great
difference of attitude, a difference
that will grow larger as the child's
understanding grows. OF course
we want to evoke desirable conduct
in our child, but do we want him
Gas our parents used to say to
mind on the word?"
"The kernel of the whole matter
says Dorothy Garfield Fisher, dis
cussing obedience in Mothers
and Children" turns upon the
object of that transitive verb to
obey" What is the child to obey?
Is he to continue to obey the will
of another, as he had to in baby
hood, simply because it is strong
er. Or is he, little by little, to be
initiated into the idea that the will
of another is to be obeyed only
when the commands are righteous?
Instead of exacting blind obed-
fence from a child as driver does
from his horses, we want to sub
stitute the method of gaining his
cooperation. We can do this in two
very simple ways; first, by fixing
pleasant associations with the thing
we want the child to do, and sec
ond, by showing him a reason for
his doing what we want him to.
For example: four-year-old may
hate to wash his hands, and raise
a fuss every time this is necessary.
It's no fun, and he's not learning
anything, if, at the ripe age of
four or five, he may not do this for
himself, or if he has to stretch his
hands uncomfortably far to reach
the water. Push small stool up
to the washbowl. Then let him
splash a little and learn to wash
his own hands, even if it does mean
a bit more time and inconvenience
for you just at first. If he is to
put away his playthings and hang
up his wraps, attach pleasure to the
act by providing him with special
low shelves, special low hooks all
his own.
Reason with the child for whom
bedtime always arrives too soon
that if he does not go to bed at
certain hour, he won't be able to
get in his nine hours of sleep
then let him count out the hours
on the clock by himself, and there
by make a game of it. Point out
that if he does not come at once,
there will be no time for a story.
He will see the wisdom of that!
2 "It is not the child with a life
time habit of thinking about good
reasons for doing things, who will
at pinch wildly and furiously re-
fuse to take nauseating medi-
cine" Mrs. Fisher puts it. HE may
struggle and protest and be very
unhappy at the need for such ac-
ton, and, when he is still young
with but a very small capacity for
self-control, he will need to be help
ed by adult strength-but he is al
so helped by his own small but
trained mind, which-tells him that
it is necessary and there is no use
in revolving when it is necessary"
How early is a child able to rea-
son? A child begins to reason and
think before he walks or talks.
There will be times when the child
must be shown forcibly that mother
means what she says; there will be
emergencies when he will obey a
sharp command because he senses
that it is an emergency command;
but the child who is trained to rea-
son, to do things because there is
really a good reason for his doing
them, learns thereby that his moth
er's wishes are not arbitrary and
prompted by the monetary feelings
but are based on facts. And when
he is older, mother will be repaid
thousand times in the confidence
he shows in her judgment, in his
ability to think things through for
himself, and in his reasonableness.
The shy child who obeys blindly,
docily every time he is spoken to
may show to his friends and to any,
one with whom he comes in contact
the same meek obedience and sub
mission to their leadership that he
shows toward his parents. Obed-
fence is not an end in itself of our
training of the child. We secure
obedience by gaining the child's CO.
oneration. not by dominating him.