The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1933-01-26
Fable of the Erst-
while Buddies
g
By GEORGE AIDE
q, Bell syndicate.) -wNU Service.

TT HAPPENED that an antique
Fluff was squatted in the office of
the Occidental Hotel at Weaver
Junction. He was regarding Main
Street with a Expression which was
wiStful rather than Enthusiastic. He
was accosted by a Travelling Sales
man out of St. Louis who wanted to
know if Number Five stopped, except
on Signal, If there was a Diner at
tached and whether or not it made
the connection at Gosport. To which
the Elderly Party replied that he was
not an information Desk, although he
felt himself rather intrigued by any
Discussion relative to making q quick
getaway from Weaver Junction.
stranger in these Parts" queried
the Drummer, in that tactful and in
gratiating manner which is one of the
chief assets of those who carry heavy
Grips and eat at Cafeterias.
Eyes and no." was the reply. II
was born in this Dump and Time was
when I knew every Man, Horse and
Dog within the Corporate Limits by
his First Name The Bradley House,
this side of tie Crick, was Buclling-
ham Palace and the Methodist church
was st. Peters. The Sun rose just
beyond Gardeners Min and set about
a mile West of Buckeye Ridge. re-
turn after lapse of 40 Years, a Com
bination of Rip Van Wrinkle, Enoch
Arden and the Prodigal Son. No mat
ter how much you strain your Eyes,
you will not discover any Triumphal
Arches along Main Street.
The Dope Goes Wrong.
1.-THE Members of the Silver Cor
net Band were so busy getting Market
Reports over the Radio that I was met
at the Depot by no one except the
Town Marshal and two Taxis. WIS.,
tied the terrible Birthplace to pluck an
old-fashioned Flower and stand, bare
headed, in the Presence of ghostly
memories and a big-eyed Dotty, who
looked as II she had stepped out of
a Broadway Revue, came from the
House and told me to beat it as she
was all dated up, and, what's more,
didn't have any Time for a steam
heated Papa. I expected to find
Memorial Tablet and, instead, I was
handed the Ice Pitcher. I, who should
have been given the Freedom of the
City, am under Suspicion at this mo-
ment as visiting Bootlegger who is
trying to undermine the Local Dealers
who make their own"
$50 you have been unable to locate
any of your old Pals?s
"Too many. All of them are sur
prised to see me and one was glad.
He remembered that I had borrowed
Two Dollars from him in a Poker
Game in 1888. Perhaps I should ex-
plain that any one looking at me To-
day in my Gray Business Suit and
neat Fedora would little suspect that
when Grover Cleveland first ran for
President were SombrerO, carried
a Pair of Knuckles and played the
Guitar every Evening in the Eagle
Saloon, owned by Herman Smoltz.
when I left here, with a Circus
there was no Dissenting Voice from
the town-wide Opinion that 1 would
end up in some large Institution where
men with Springfield Rifles, would see
to 1t that no one interrupted me while
was making Chairs Strangely
enough, after escaped from the i'm
mediate Supervision of my pious
Relatives felt an overwhelming and
uncomfortable Desire to lead a snow
white and blameless Existence. For
several Decades l RETAINED from WIS.,
| iting the Old Home Town on account
| of the Statute of Limitations and be-
cause no one asked me to come back.
For many Years I have been honored
and successful in City far away.
supposed, of course. that the
| Folks here were keeping Tabs ON me
| and were proud to claim me and were
| tickled to learn that l had been
| plucked as Brand from the Burning
now learn that they have heard Of
| me and my Achievements but not one
Of them has suspected, all during
these Years, that the Great and COED
Vernon J. Kirkpatrick could possibly
be the "Verne" who was shot at twice
| by a Constable the Night he skipped
out. Even now they are skeptical.
should have brought Measurements
and Finger Prints with me. I have
a Birth-Mark which win prove all of
my Claims, but, 1t is too much Trouble
to show it. No use Talking, when a
Small Town makes up its Collective
Mind on any Proposition it doesn't
wish to be disturbed in the Belief"
Successful Bad Eggs.
"TOo bad that the Wanderers Re-
turn has been such Flop" suggested
the sympathetic Travelling Salesman.
81 have been well repaid" said the
Old-Timer. 81 am taking away with
me at least Two Tons of Food for
Reflection. In digging up Answers to
that time-honored Inquiry, Where
are the Friends of Yesterday I
have acquired some rare Dope. For
instance, what do you suppose became
of George Piffengirth, who memorized
One Thousand Verses of Scripture?"