The Coolidge examiner., 1933-05-12

On his Way TO Work he gave
some crisp Orders to the Menial
who was in charge of the Trolley
Car. The Conductor did not recog
nize His Masters Voice so he called
Etlingham Piece OF GOrgOnzOla and
told him that If he didn't cut out
the Blah-Blah he would have to take
q Bat In the Eye. In the Articles
which Efiingham had been reading
there had been no definite Sugges-
tiOns as to how a Situation of this
Kind should be met, SO he got Off
the Car and walked.
For good many years he had
been longing to go into the Private
Office and tell the Boss just what
was wrong with the whole Organl-
zation and how 1t would be cinch
TO double the business and cut down
the Overhead If the Departments
could be managed by Men whose
heads were filled with Brains in
stead OF Omelets.
The Chief Executive looked up
from his Work and there on the
Rug was a Worm trying to give an
Imitation Of an Anaconda. The
Head OF the Firm listened patiently.
When 1t was over he did not give
Mr. GlittS the Fresh Air or even
start in to pan him. He advised the
faithful Employee to lie down for a
while and then go out and have
bis Temperature taken. SO that Is
how near Eiiingham came to caus-
ing a Shake-Up.
Back to Nature.
When he sternly reprimanded the
Typist who did a few letters for
him every Day and gave her a Lee
ture on the Importance of spelling
correctly all Words OF One Syllable
she never missed one Jaw Movement
as she chewed her Wax but she did
tell him that he was the kind of
Fish that ought to stay home all
Day instead OF wandering out into
the Streets and frightening Pedes-
trians.
He couldn't even High Hat the
lowly Office Boy. The Latter was
afraid of the nut-headed Flappers
but he had the greatest possible
contempt for Mr.. Glltts and called
him Gooble, which doesn't mean
anything but sounds terrible.
For a long time 1t had been Mr..
Glitt's secret Desire TO plant
Bomb under the Boarding House in
which he was eking out a Miser-
able Existence. The Landlady was
so busy counting the Calories and
providing for the Vitamins that she
forgot to give them any real Food.
Effingham longed to bawl her out in
such Loud Tones that his Complaint
could be heard In Cuba.
SO, while he was still under the
Influence of the Complex OF Superb
ority, he opened up and made a
Scene at Dinner. Ii was called Din
ner because 1t was served at about
the Hour when People who can af-
ford to Dine usually partake of the
meal known as Dinner. Always the
First Course was Soup which tasted
as If some one had slipped Some
thing into the Hot Water. The only
real Excuse for calling it Soup was
the fragment of Vermicelli floating
idly on the Surface.
Effingham let out a SQuawk, which
Is Hoi Polloi for, Protest. He told
the Soup the Truth about itself so
that he could get a Rise out of the
Landlady. He just sat back and
waited for her to brag about the
Home Cooking and the Refined
Atmosphere.
He had framed a Comeback
which, probably. would lead up to
his being ordered out of the Joint,
Bag and Baggage. That was what
he craved. He knew that he never
could function as a Leader of Men
while surrounded by the Flat Heads
and Tomtits of thlrd-rate
Beanery.
But the Landlady knew him and
pitied him, 50 she just told him to
be in his Room about 9:3O and she
would come up and fix Foot Bath
for him and give him 10 Grains of
Aspirin and in the morning he
would be all right.
Sure. enough he was. He awoke
next day fully reconciled to the Fact
that he would always be the Goat
of the Universe. He decided that
he would have to be a Slob instead
of Schwab. He flew at the with
cred Prunes with real Gusto and
spoke nicely of the lukewarm Coffee.
Also he had Cigar ready for the
conductor on the Trolley Line.
MORAL: Those who were not
born to be Blase will always be
Blozzy.