Imperial Valley press., 1933-05-17
TODANS
SPCRTAPARADE.
MAkasD
BY HENRY McLEMORE
United Press staff Correspondent

United Press Staff Correspondent
JOE'S PLACE, N. j., May H.
This little quick lunch diner hard
on highway No. 8 and devoted to
mans craving for hamburgers, hot
dogs, Java and apple pie, is a
strange place for quest to end.
But one ended here today. 1t was
ours-a quest started years ago for
the purpose of discovering the ideal
sport for the masses We wanted q
sport anybody and everybody could
play at; a sport that required nei-
ther bulging biceps, collosal chest
nor wealth.
Ours was a long search and
fraught with disappointments. AT
one time we thought flagpole sit
ting was the answer. 1t was aban-
doned, however, when it was point
ed out that, as flags were flown
from the poles during the day, ma
J jor sittings would have to be done
at night when a great many peo-
pie such as watchmen, second story
workers, chautauqua lecturers and
those fellows who mend car tracks,
would be unable to participate.
We fancied bird-watching for a
while but soon saw it was unfair
to the birds, who, like all the rest
of us, like a little privacy. Besides
those people who lived on the sea-
coast and whose birds were limited
to seagulls and pelicans, had to be
simply marvellous swimmers to get
any real enjoyment.
Then today, out here in front OF
lJoe's place, we found the ideal
sport for the masses. 1t is called
"Stretching-out-in coffin un-
derground and staying there =
awhile" Later on, when it sweeps
the country, the unwieldly name
probably will be shortened to some
thing catchy like, say, rootles.
The originator of the game is
Ray Richards, 22-year-old sporting
goods salesman. -Four days ago he
climbed into a coffin, waved good
bye to his friends, and was lowered
six feet into the ground. AS bug
ler sounded Taps" and band gave
off a dirge, Ray was covered up.
For ten cents you may peep down
and see Ray in action. Or rather
in in-action, for he chose one OF
the modish new form-fitting cof-
fins. He hopes to remain buried AZ
days and thus win $1,000 bet with
doctor.
We took a peek at Ray today
and when we saw him lying there
so comfortable, a faraway look in
his eyes, we knew we had found
the ultimate in sports. The trouble
with most sports is that they're
dangerous and competition in them
is liable to land you bruised hg-
ament, broken leg or popped
osselet. But being buried alive =
why, you couldn't get a charley
horse in a coffin if you tried.
And you never would have tc
worry about keeping in condition
in our sport for the masses. The
worse you felt the better coffin
lying you could do. Those of us
who can't run block unless we
get our second win would have just
as much chance of being a Big Ter
coffin-lyer-inner as a bird whose
muscles rippled under his tawnJ
skin like a tigers. (That last bill
of descriptive writing is patented
so lay off it,
Too, coffins come cheap. Ane
even if you insisted on fancy boz
with tufted plush and feather pill
lows, you'd have all your life to pay
for it. And in our new sport vol
wouldn't have to worry about you
friends failing to dig you up. II
fact, it would be break If they
failed to. For if you stayed dowr
there permanently, you'd automa.
tically become champion.