The Coolidge examiner., 1933-03-24

Clamp on MS Head anu Slt around
waiting for some Soprano two hun
dred miles away to burst into Song
Not much! He wanted to crank up
the old Talking Machine and put in
a big Needle and get a mess of
Rag Time that would rattle the
Windows.
So he passed up the new Wonder
OF the World. When the Addicts
told him that improvements were
being made and the Amplitier was
learning to bring the Stuff in so
that it sounded like Something and
the Programs were better, then Mr.
Jelby laughed scornfully and said
there would be nothing doing, as he
had investigated and decided that
the Plaything would never be more
than a Passing Fad.
Even when the Newspapers be-
gan to have Special Departments
with funny-looking Pictures and
ponderous Explanations and long
programs, Mr.. Jelby was unmoved.
Then, at a Party one night he
saw a new-fangled one that had
Bulbs and Dials all over it and
looked like the Apparatus that
might be used for purposes of Elec-
trocution. 1t had a Loud Speaker
which looked like the entrance to
the Hoosac Tunnel The proud
Owner did a little juggling and ont
came a Niagara Of Grand Opera.
The Operator said that Boston was
coming in very well. Mr.. Jelby
couldn't believe II was Boston. 1t
sounded too nearby. Then the quiv-
ering Crank who was at the Wheel
declared that he could get Hast
ings, Nebraska, and he did so. He
said that Atlanta was a Cinch for
him, and In two seconds Mr.. Jelby
was listening to an Educational
Talk in Atlanta. The Subject Mat
ter was not very thrilling. but In
getting Atlanta the feveriSh Fan
had proven that his old Machine
had Selectivity.
That word "Selectivity" i'm
pressed Mr.. Jelby. He used 1t Next
Morning when he went into a De
partment Store to purchase Su-
perola, the same as he had heard
at the Party.
Getting In Good With the Neighbors.
The Salesman said there was no
need OF spending all that money.
For S45 he could get dandy little
Pazola which would pick up almost
any station and provide many
happy Hours for the Jelby Tribe.
The dandy little Pazola lasted
just two Sessions. When Jelby
found that 1t brought In only
Squeak from Omaha and not a
Flicker from Los Angeles, he was
Off 1t for Life. He went to an Ex-
pert and laid in a Triple Super
Something that had 70 be turned
sideways when brought into the
house. After 1t was all keyed up
then Mr.. Jelby worked out his Log
and brought in the nelghbors.
Now he sits at the keyboard and
jumps from Springfield. Mass. to
Dallas. Texas, via Chicago and ST.
Louis. he is still strong on Sc
lectivlty. Just as the Guests are
beginning to enjoy WEAF. he dem
onstrates his versatility by hopping
To WIS and as soon as they begin
To sit up and listen to WIS with
eyes asparkle, he shows off again
by working on his Prize Stunt,
namely. trying to get Mexico City.
In the last month he has picked
up over 800 stations and never re-
mained over eight seconds on any
one. For the distracted Listeners
this Life has become just a series
OF unfinished Ballads, interrupted
Orchestral Selections and dlslocated
Operas. The Neighbors have called
a meeting and there is no Question
as To what will happen TO Mr.. Jelby.
The only Problem now is to dispose
of the Body.
MORAL: Every new Accomplish
ment should he practiCed in Secret
for the first Nine Months.