The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1933-01-13
The Fable of the
Go-Getting Smarty
g
By GEORGE ABE
(@. Bell syndicate -wNU Service.

ME- tneFe uNeu III the Nesl-
ern Hemisphere a Citizen
~ who was easy to get along
with If you would let him
have his Way, take Orders from him
and not sass back. There was no tar
nation Sense In any one having an
Argument. with this Bird, because he
was always Right. 1t almost stupefied
him If some Upstart, with a DISPOSE
ton like Mule. suggested to him
that possibly he was not One Hundred
Per Cent Infallible.
Yes, he was one of those chesty
lkes who are apt to get Results In
a World largely peopled with Pro-
crastinators, LEGISLATORS, Doubters and
Back-Pedalers, but he would have
been an Awful Thing to room with.
Imagine being all the Time with one
who tells you when to Battle, how
many Towels to use. what to order
for Lunch, how many Studs to wear
with the Bob-Tail on which side to
part the Locks and what Books to
con before turning out the Light. Also
keen enough under the Hat to win
every Battle If any one finds Fault
with single Item in his Program.
At no time endeavoring to conceal
the Fact that he is Superman. gen.
Grating his own Aureole of Superior
ity.
Even as a Lad, in the weather beat
en- School House and on the Village
Common, he was Gar and Dictator.
He appointed himself such and ban
ished to Outer Darkness all those who
questioned his Rule. Every Day the
down-trodden Worms would get to-
gether and humble lot of Threats
and organize a Mutiny. but when 1t
came time for the Uprising there new
er was a Leader who dared to meet
julius in the .-rena.
If ever Imperial Caesar looked
down from the Battlements. he must
have been proud of his Namesake.
We are said to be Free and Equal
It would be hard to say which half
of the foregoing Joke is entitled to
the louder Laugh.
He Has Through Ticket.
When you discover in Grammar
School square-jawed Lad with
Steely Eyes, of Whom the Teacher
stands in Awe, look out for him. It
simply means that he has Through
Ticket for the Stock Exchange, the
TT
Even Is a Squirrel cannot be kept
on the Ground. so it is impossible
to keep any Napoleon in a Side
Pocket.
When he appeared on the Campus
Of that understood but ambitious In
stitution of Learning known as Gobie
College and began to Swank all over
the Place, the Infatuated Undergrad
yates called a Secret Meeting and
voted that nothing would cure him
except a Dip in the Horse-Tank.
So he called the Freshmen togeth-
er and told them just what he ex-
pected from them in the way of Co.
Operation. He said that If they would
obey Orders, the Glass Of Imply Ump
would be the brightest Jewel in the
Diadem Of dear old Gobie.
So they elected him Glass Presi-
dent and he told them what the Col
ors and the Yell would be and they
all went mooching back to their
Rooms to whisper among themselves
and declare that they wouldn't stand
for 1t.
They were in a State of Revolt ex-
cept when in the immediate Pres
ence of his hypnotic Personality and
then the Complex of Infer. 'rity got
a Strangle Hold on the Ego and they
knew that Gnats could not argue with
an Eagle.
When he finally picked out good
Eugenic Specimen of fourplus Pulchri-
tude and decide to permit her to be
the Mother of his Children, he did
not propose at all. He patted her
on the shoulder and told her to brace
herself and not give way to joyful
Emotions, even though she was about
to be the recipient of Good News
In putting her Wise to the Fact
that she had drawn the Capital Prize
he impersonated the King who pauses
on the Highway to bestow Coin on
barefooted Peasant Girl.
He somehow had the mesmeric Pow
er to convince Folks that any one
who didn't fall in with his Sugges-
tons was guilty of Lese Majestic,
Contempt of Court and Moral De-
linquency.
Had to Wipe His Feet.
julius went into the Practice of
Law and the first Client who walked
into his Office had to wipe is feet on
the Mat and dig up Retaining Fee
He had the Option of doing that or
going somewhere else and hiring a
second-class Dub.
How the other Attorneys hated Ju-
Illus! Why? Because, when they opened
up on him with all their Heavy Ar
tillery, Bombs and Shrapnel, he would
be reading Letter and not aware
that Opposing Counsel were present.