The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1933-05-11
SCOOPS COLUMN


Burt Wilson at Leesburg, Florida,
writes: Reports reach me that
ramps are ready to pick and whistle
pigs have ended their long sleep so
we propose to come back to our habi-
tat at Wilson Park, so please send
The Republican to Wilson, w. Va"
We don't know anything about
whistle pigs, but if it takes rain to
ripen ramps, then they were ready to
pick long ago.
A party of Gypsies, travelling thru
Preston county last week stopped at
a store in Kanes Creek and robbed
the proprietor of $11. The storekeep-
err telephoned to Morgantown and had
them apprehended and he proceeded
to the scene himself.
Upon seeing the woman who had
robbed him, he grabbed her by the
throat and made her give him his $11
back and another dollar besides. He
said the extra dollar was to pay him
for his trouble and transportation.
:; j.
Much like the ones who come thru
Oakland. It's rare Gypsy who isn't
gypster.
One of the most conscientious
workers at her job seems to be Miss
Lily Grace Matheson, secretary of the
Women's Christian Temperance Union.
Believing that Americanism cannot be
preserved in alcohol, she is patroniz-
ing establishments where intoXicants
are not sold.
Going into a restaurant on Balti-
more street, Cumberland, last week
she inquired of the proprietor, "Do
you sell beer?"
eyes, madam, we have several
kinds, what kind would you like?"
SIN that case, I'll dine elsewhere"
And it's the same way at filling
stations, and other places where beer
might be sold.
If those who were not in favor of
beer would observe the same practice,
maybe one wouldn't see so many
places breaking their necks to sell the
stuff.
An account of the worlds champion
pessimist was handed to Archibald
son the other day, and although it
runs in my mind it has been published
in this column before, l will repeat,
even tho Shakespeare didn't.
A citizen was told he had only one
month to live so he called in a lawyer
to put his affairs in order.
elk it," he said, $50 that my over
draft at the bank will go to my wife
she can explain it to them.
"My equity in my automobile l
want to go to my son. He will then
have to go to work to keep up the
payments.
"Give my Good Will to my friends.
They took some awful chances on me,
and are entitled to something.
"My equipment give to the junk
man; he has had his eye on it for
several years, and l want six of my
creditors for pallbearers. They have
carried me so long they might as well
finish the job"
The following is being told about
Mayor Grover Stemple when he made
a recent trip to the zoo in Washing
Hizzoner. came upon the gentleman
in charge of the elephant house who
was peeved because the pump wasn't
working and he had to carry water to
feed his unquenchable beasts. He
usually answered questions of strang
ers with the politeness Of Charlie
Riley, but this day he felt like Bill
Whorton. He staggered past and the
mayor asked "Can you tell me about
that hippopotamus there? I wish to
know whether it's a male hippopota-
mus or female hippopotamus ?"
"Sir," he ground out between his
teeth, 81 don't think that would be of
interest to anybody except another
hippopotamus."
Exit Mayor Stemple.
Plans are under way for popu-
larity contest among Garrett coun-
tians, and will in all probability be
conducted by Scoop Himself. Send
in your vote for the slickest, nosiest,
busiest, cutest, LATEST, fishinest,
knowinest, blowinest, sittinest, optim-
istest, gentlemanlyest, toughest, most
detractive, stretchinest, latest, and
the most conceited, and see them
printed next week
Weather Forecast
Possibility of rain before nightfall