The Coolidge examiner., 1933-01-27

ho iOl Bcl my DlOUey Ut tuIUp.
] am just an old FRAGILE, brought
up under the Prehistoric Conditions
of the Mid-Victorian Era, but If /
didn't get out and rustic a new
Bank Account every week, you
would Starve to Death before
Spring. Having attended all of the
Movies, read all of the Books, and
seen all of the Plays, you are now
making a Frantic Attempt to make
all of the other Sheiks and Shebas
look like Second-Raters from Poke
Vile. The only reason l am so in
terested In your Criminal Ambitions
is that I am supposed to finance all
your delightful little Expeditions
into the Underworld. Sometimes l
wonder what the Finish will be.
Probably your Mother and l won't
live to see it."
Fooling the Slickers.
"Oh, many Plshes and a couple
of Tushesw exclaimed Edna. ANY
poor Gillie who expects his Daugh-
ter to braid her Hair down the
Back and play the Cottage Organ
in these hoopla Days, doesn't de-
serve to have one. What would
you Rheumatic Relics do these
Days If you didn't have the Young
People to talk about? And did you
ever stop TO think that If we stayed
home Evenings and played Authors.
Crokinole, Jack Straws, and It'd
dledy-Winks, all the Saxophone
Players would be out of Work, and
there would be lot of Suffering?
1--WE are the busy little Life
Savers of this transitional Period.
If it wasn't for US, the Earth would
have a Crust on 1t. A lot of you
doddering Dummies who are stick
ing around after your licenses have
expired ought to be tickled to Death
to pay the Expenses. We are Civ
ing you real Entertainment, but
the Trouble is you are not keyed up
to it. 1t is too bad that we find in
our Cities so many small-tOwn
Rubes who get in by mistake. We'd
love to take you and Ma with us
II you could keep up and main
tain the Pace and exhibit some
Glass, but it's no use trying to show
you any Touches OF High Life. be-
cause neither one of you Is galted
to be Stopper"
The Situation Is clearing up
somewhat" said Mr.. Grivets. "T can
begin to see that your Mother and
| are wholly to blame. Either that.
or we should have sent both of you
to the Reform School about Ten
Years ago"
"You old Wickles and Diladads
make me plumb tired" said Wallle.
whenever several of our typical
Parents get together these Days.
they sit In Back Room licking up
Scotch guaranteed to be Week or
Ten Days old. and worrying for
fear that the Young People are not
getting good quality of Gin. Those
who haven't Fallen Arches still try
to Dance, and most of those not
running for Office seem to be max
ing a Joke of some Good Law. And
yet they are always roasting us
Kids. You are a lot of Jabber-
nowls."
What's n Jabbernowl?"
81 don't know. I'm simply trying
to protect the Author. He writes
his Stuff at least a Month before II
is printed. and of course. any Ju-
venile Slang that he put in would
he out of date, cold and discredited
before the time of Publication. So
the only Safe Plan Is to coin a few
Words which mean Nothing and
put them in and then the Slickers
may think that he has dug up some
New Ones which they have not
heard"
This unexpected Reply put Fa-
ther on the Ropes. BY the time he
recovered, the two Moderns had
picked his Pockets, cranked up the
BUS. and started for a Nice Place
known as The Purple Bulldog.
MORALCAs long as it does not
really interfere with any Arrange
ments made by the Children, why
not let the Old Fogies rave?