The Republican., 1933-10-26

| wrong with that artlcle?'
Something Was Wrong
Wrong? You know what you said
about me, don't you? I'll have you
know, i-gosh, Pm just as good as any
body. Talkin' bout my hair bein'
down in my face and my eyes bein'
shiny; i'gosh, anybody'd think I was
drunk as blind, staggerin' steer
81 sought for words to put what 1
had felt into speech that he would
clearly understand. 4 never meant
it that way at ALL protested.
| never thought about meaning it that
way. 1 enjoyed your calling and the
dance-you bet l did-a lot. certain
ly never meant to write anything you
wouldn't like
"'Well,' he measured my not-at-all
spacious form with sullen eyes, you're
jest a kid-like an I amt gonna do
nothin', but I ort to knock the hell
plumb outa you
/ lud1ly1 L WCllL away 4LOLL
all in one piece, as 1 had come. A
lucky thing, too, for the friend who
had first warned me later said that a
dozen of the boys, after doing away
with several pints of corn liquor, had
come to the conclusion that they were
going to teach that writin' fellow a
lesson.
"This, as l have said, was before 1
began conscientiously to try to irri-
tate people. l was a good irritant-
too good for my own good.
"For instance, 1 composed a column
about the wearing of knickers. 1
swear l had no particular person in
mind at the time, but one college
youth decided the shoe fitted him and
he called me out of the office to re-
quest an apology. explained instead
of apologizing, and it ended happily
enough by his buying me matted
milk and accepting one of my ciga-
rettes.
"This incident had an aftermath,
though, that lacked great deal of be-
! ing pleasant. Present at the time this
college boy was talking to me was a
red-headed heavyweight who disliked
me anyway, and he took advantage OF
the occasion to remark that better
hadn't ever say anything about him
in my column.
$50, being young and smart, the
next week l made a list of local su-
perlatives,' included in which was the
following: Most dangerous: The
young carrot-top who ordered me
never to say anything about him in
this paper-and l won't, either
"The heavyweight had warned me
in the presence of others and there
fore had to make good, so he and I
one day repaired to an adjacent hill
side and had merry set-to with our
fists which ended when he picked up
a five-pound rock and bounced it off
my head.
National Guard Gets Sore
"The real death-blow to in the
Open,' and the only column for which
1 ever publicly apologized, was one
wherein l became mixed up with the
army, as represented by the local unit
of the National Guard.
at began when the meeting-place OF
the soldiers burned one midnight and
the boss and 1 attended the fire to-
gether. As we walked back home, the
boss said musingly. Now therell be
hell to play if the Indians should take
a notion to swoop down upon US. No
soldiers to save the women and chill
dren. TEX, tck!
Hardly had that weeks issue of the
Messenger been placed in the post
office before the fireworks began.
First, came the captain of the local
unit of the Guard, accompanied by
his sergeant. They demanded an apol-
ogy in the next weeks issue, and I
told them 1 had no intention of apollo
gizing, for I could see nothing that
called for such an action.
81 held steadfast until press night.
After a day of hard work and the
prospect of working fully half the
night, was in no mood to resist any,
thing overly much. When the captain
and the lieutenant walked into the
office and asked me what was going
| to do about it, l gave up.
81 claim the apology wrote saved
at least part of my face. This was it:
"T extend my apologies to the
United States Army of America, the
local unit of the National Guard, the
fire department, the Chamber of Com
merce, the local postofice, the Retail
Merchants Association and all indi-
viduals who feel that they have been
insulted by the article appearing in
this column last week. The whole
! thing was meant jokingly, and it is to