The Coolidge examiner., 1933-01-06
Fable of Adding
Up Another Year
g
By GEORGE ADE
G. by Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate.
WNU Service

Vi Tie L tClliAiS
self that he was a Regular Feller.
Just a grown-up Boy Scout, a Dis
penser of Sunshine, carrying about
120 Pounds Pressure of Civic Pride.
and the life Of almost any Party.
What you might call, If choosing to
coin a Bit of Description, a red
blooded American.
He always took off his Hat when
the Flag went by in a parade or
ganized by the Foreign Element and
he could Ta-Ta his Way through
1.-The Star-Spangled Banner" and
he had read enough history to know
that the Revolutionary War was
fought in the Eastern Section Of
our own Fair, or at least Fair to
Middling, Land and the Home Team
won by single Touchdown.
1t befell that one Day, as 1881
was getting ready to take the Count
and make way for the delightful
Uncertainties of 1882, this same
Ornament to Society was seated at
his Desk, gazing at a new Date
Pad presented by an Insurance
Company. and rejecting sentimen-
tally upon the widely advertised
Fact that another Year was peter
ing out.
He found himself reviewing the
Period which had oozed by so rap
idly since the preceding January
First, and In doing so he could not
refrain from hurting a few BOu-
quets.
Family Ignorance ls Bliss.
mot so worse, everything CON
sidered," he said TO Himself. ~
few more gllt-edge Securities plant
ed in the sheet-lron Box. l traded
in the Old Car just at the Right
Time. In another Week 1t would
have fallen in two. The Preparation
which was guaranteed to arrest
Badness did not work. | lost the
Third Flight because the new Shaft
In my Mashie was not the same as
the Old One. and l am Eight Pounds
Overweight and | have little high
er Blood Pressure than Doc says is
good for me. but | can still eat
Mince Pie for Lunch and smoke
six Cigars a Day. so ! should fret.
mo one can say that | aln't been
good to my family. | have given
Emma and the two girls and Har-
old everything they needed and
about $4,000 worth of junk that no
sane Individual ever could possibly
need. Yes, sir, the Old Boy has
been a dandy Husband and Father
and as long as they don't know
about the little Bust-Over at Allan
tic City during the Convention, the
whole Thing is just the same as II
1t never happened. Besides, didn't
fall. l was showed. And, as far as
that's concerned, what l pulled
wasn't any rougher than what the
other Boys were doing while nuder
the Influence OF the Salt Air. So
my Conscience isn't troubling me-
much.
"As nearly as | can recall them,
having no copy at hand, there are
several of the Ten Commandments
that | have not shattered. That's
more than some Birds can say. I'll
admit that | haven't punched the
Clock over at the Church any too
often, but I've got an Alibi. | found
out all about those Letters that
Saint Paul wrote to the Corinthians
and Thessalonians good many
years ago when had to go to Sun
day School. Furthermore, that
Preacher has a convulsive Adams
Apple and makes me nervous. ]
sent the usual Check and / am GER
tain that when the Funeral Sermon
is preached it will be discovered
that | am in good Standing, even If
/ have carried most of my Re
ligion in my Wife's Name.
"At all Times | have kept in
Mind the good old Golden Rule which
says that One should never put of
until Tomorrow what might be done
this Afternoon. Come to think OF
it, I may be mixed in my Dates
Possibly the Golden Rule has some.
thing TO do with giving the Opposi
tion a split of Fifty-Fifty. Well,
never figured that | could get very
far unless l held out for about Sew.
enty-Thirty, and l could name a lot
of highly respected Guys who make
It Ninety-Ten. At least, stack VI
better than the Average. When you
are sitting in with Bunch OF
Hard-Boiled Comanches who deal
from the Bottom of the Deck and
have all of the Aces marked,
never could see the Sense of trying
to get no better than an Ever
Break"
1T is easy TO bear up under
Criticism while there is plenty O1
A Cooling Dove With an Eagles
Crest.
Velvet in sight. | never cut q
Throat unless am sure that the
victim has his own knife all sharp
ened up for Me. The Idea is to be
Good Sport but not to lose any.
thing. Observe the Regulations
but don't let your Rivals always in.
terpret them for you. | think | am