Nogales international., 1933-08-05
Writing to Neil was difficult:

Lear N6ll, Sic liijdlly WiOtS' AZ
going away-forgive me, but it seems
the only thing to do. I know how you
feel about facing me after all we've
been through today. When you wrote
me that you would camp out some
where else tonight | quite understood.
Please don't think I blame you-all
the fault is mine from beginning to end
but couldn't bear to be the cause
CT making your home repcllent to you.
Nor could | bear to see you being
chivalrous and pretending that you
wanted me here when you didn't! You
can see there's nothing else for me to
do. I'm not going to Robert Aims
worth of course-don't think that. |
am now enjoying the bitterness of my
mistake about him. I'll go to San Fran
cisco, and perhaps there l can make
some plan about my life. I'm taking
about 500 l have in cash, and some
day I'll pay you back"
Joyce hesitated when she reached
that point She wanted to tell Neil how
awfully much she appreciated his nece-
ness, his kindness, to Frills, but she
felt she simply couldn't let herself go
on this subject. SO she ended briefly,
III get in touch with you before long,
Neil, because you'll want to be getting
a divorce and | shan't stand i'll your
way. Joyce"
Sam was warming up the motor Of
the Duesenberg; she could hear it
purrrr outside the long French
windows.
Joyce flung herself down on the
davenport and stihed her sobs in a
pillow. "Oh, Dicky," she said as soft
little nose insinuated itself into her
clenched palm, why should | feel so
utterly wretched about the only decent
thing I've done since I've been in this
house? | don't want to go, Dicky, l
really don't want to leave at all y
Joyce had Sam take her to the Y. w.
c. A. in which she had previously
stayed III San Francisco, but she re-
mained there only over night, feeling
that if Neil pressed Sam very hard he
might tell her whereabouts, and she
preferred to remain in hiding.
Il know Neil will feel that he should
make every effort to find n1e," she
thought, "but it'll be better if he doesn't
succeed"
Joyce found it harder to get job
than she had supposed. After installing
herself in a cheap rooming- house
under the name of Florence Hilton"
(to make it easier perhaps for Neil to
get his diVorce) she set out to lind en-
ployment.
She took to reading the Want-Ads
in the daily papers, but she could get
I'D no interest in the kind of work they
offered. She found that the luxury Of
living as Mrs. Neil Packard had sap
ped her courage, and left her less able
to face hard work and uncomfortable
living conditions. Her room filled her
with horror she was acutely unhappy
every moment she had to spend III 1t.
She began to wonder what she would
do when all her money was spent.
Somewhat sadly, she let her mind
open itself to thoughts of Robert
Ainsworth. She had tried to bansh
him but could not quite; persistent
" the thought of him would thrust
itself up, only to be persistently ig-
nored. She had but one conclusion
to reach, and that was that he had
failed her, that he had shown him
self lacking in chivalry and courage,
that perhaps . he >. did
not love . her.
To Joyce this was too bitter tor
tears, too bitter for complaint She
could not hold her head up under
the shame of it.
When the hundred dollars was so
nearly gone that Joyce was seized
with feeling of sudden panic, she
shook off her lethargic mood and,
striking out wildly for employment,
seized upon a position as file clerk
in large paper concern. The work
could net have been less interesting