The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-09-22

don't mind being reminded of the
fact that my ears are big, but saying
that my face looks like taxi with
both doors wide open, is too much.
***
By special permission of the copy
right owners, 1 have obtained an
exclusive interview with Jesse Ashby
wherein he describes his Chesapeake
Bay voyage.
"Lost in the Chesapeake" should
be the title. Dinner and everything.
As Jesse describes it: eve were
out in our forty-foot boat, six miles
from shore. The waves beat upon
the sides and entered the hold with
out invitation. It was up and down
with US and a-rolling besides. I could
stand the ups and downs, but rolling
was entirely out of my category.
After about an hour of this, l o-o-o-o-
op went, o-o-o-o-o-op to o-o-o-o-o-op
to the rail, just to see the white caps
go by. Then thought it was bye-bye
for me-o-o-o-o-o-o-op, but not quite.
Two hours later the fish were hungry
again and then it was that was able
to haul them in. Pm feeling much
better now, you landlubbers, thank
you"
In the course of my several squints
out of the middle window, have hap
pened upon many things. The fat lady
bending over to tie her shoe, for in
stance; or the passage of the gar
bage wagon with the smile on the dri
ver's face, sitting rearward and get
ting the benefit of natures aroma.
There's nothing left today but a
red-headed woman. A red-headed
woman is always getting a second
glance from me, tied up as l am, but
there's nothing more l care to say.
Stop! Maybe she's going to fool me
this time. She's all squirmy and at
tempting to reach the small of her
back with her hand. Somethin' itch
in you, lady? Why don't you use
the telephone pole or that nice corner
of the Garrett Nationals door. No
y body's looking but me and I don't
count anymore, and there's nothing
gives so much satisfaction to an itchy
back as a good scraping.
There comes a nice looking gentle
man. Maybe he might help a lady in
distress. He is a gentleman. He
has stopped and is evidently asking
if he can be Of assistance.
Be careful, young man. This can
go TOO far. Stop! He is beyond con-
troll. He has reached down inside
and it looks bad from a distance. Pm
even blushing myself. Stop it., I say;
that's far enough. Slap him, lady;
that's what I'd do. But all she does
is to light Murad. Maybe she's used
to it. She's still squirming, though
maybe she's struggling with him. I'll
have to rush down and save her.
Oh, you're her husband, are you?
Well, we'll; pardon me all over. That
ought to make difference.
A wild desire I've always had, and
which will never be fulfilled: At some
crucial point in an address, when abb
solute silence reigns, and the speaker
has the audience spellbound-to holler
a wisecrack, real loud.
Some people will persist in wearing
a straw hat after the 18th. What do
they care for fashion? Pooh! They're
lucky to have a straw hat, which Bill
Butt has not since the Boss Editor
ESbusted" it the other day in front of
The Republican office. Bill says he's
going to have $40 Stetson at the ex-
pense of the Teller guilty of the out
rage; and he probably will-not.
$50
The carnival at the fair is the best
that's been here for ages. The shows
are worth seeing-most of them l
should say, for fear some members of
the uplift society will jump on my
neck-and they don't cost much. The
people are the higher type of carni-
val people.
Pm putting in petition to the
school board to have the school chill
dren keep quiet during Friday recess
ses. 1t breaks up my sleep after an
aIl-night session at the presses. Arch
fhaldson, the lucky stiff, gets room
@.on the other side of the house.
If l live to be one hundred, I'll still
experience that awed feeling upon
awakening in the middle of the night
and hearing the fire alarm. Satur-
day morning was no exception.