Evening star., 1932-12-11

Senator" Branded as q deserter, he
sang: -
"Teasing, teasing, was only teasing
you.
Teasing. teasing, Just to see what you
| would do.
| OF course, you knew that ] was
Teasing, teasing, to find out what the
vets would do.
Don't be angry, I was only. only teasing
you"
Gen. Fess discovered under a bush"
none other than "our great master of
tactics, the Indiana intelligence officer
Everett Sanders" who woefully seized
the opportunity to burst into this song:
II was wrong hundred per cent,
In million ways.
was wrong hundred per cent.
And that's lot these days"
"Hawkshaw the detective" in the
person of George Higgins Moses of
New Hampshire, was told by Gen.
Smoot that his wise-cracking had not
done the Republican party much good,
SO it was time he got serious like
Smoot.
Smoot suggested they cash In their
mileage and 60 home. All would be
back he said. and maybe the Emperor
himself would return from Elba in
1896.
A scene in the "beer clinic" the
setting for which very much resem-
bled the Supreme Court, showed the
possible complications resultant to the
to permit 3 per cent beer. The
nine pathologists in the dignity of
their black robes, sat ON the case while
leaders prominent on both sides of
the wet and dry question presented
musical testimony as to the innocuous
or intoxicating qualities of the about
to-be-legalized beverage.
DR.. Copeland sent in his guinea pig
to be tried with an injection of the
beer to determine whether its alco-
holic content was too high for the
citizenry. After the pig got his shot
of beer DR.. Hiram Bingham sang:
THAT beer Is beer, Is plain as plain
can be-,
Take foam from beer, you might as
Take gin from ginger ale and you
will find,
The courts will hold that you have
lost your mind.
Take foam from beer, take foam from
beer,
Take foam from beer, take gin from
-ginger-ale and you will find,
The courts will hold that you have
lost your mind"
The custodian of the beer keg rep
resented DR.. William E. Borah as be-
lieving that alcohol is a narcotic poi
son."
DR.. Borah then gave his own eu-
dence In song.
With a sense Of deep emotion,
I approach this painful case.
For I never had a notion.
That the vets should win the race.
Or that dries would be dividing,
Prohibition now deriding.
Asked as to the condition Of the pig.
the chief pathologist reported that the
exhibit was animated but not uproar-
ious. 1ovial but not jubilant, twittering
trifle but not tight. The heart ac-
tion Is accelerated and I think-I think
he Is beginning to hum little?"
DR.. Morris Sheppard dressed in ira
dltional Prohibitionist garb interrupt
ed the session Of the court to tell of
the evils of cocktails and beer and
concluded with the heart-rending,
R-E-M-O-R-S-E.
The water wagon Is the place for me,
At am. feel immense,
That's why favor total abstinence.
The eyes are bleared, the head is hot,
If it's two-seven-five or If it's not,
This is no time for mirth and laughter" !"
And the ominous warning,
Remember
The cold gray dawn of the morning
after
BootIegger's Child.
DR.. Fred Britten of Illinois intro
duced the pitiful case of the bootleg
gers child, whose woes were reiterated
by the chorus:
She's only bootlegger's daughter, yet
she has a right to live,
Helping her daddy by peddling his rum.
Hoping that pity will give.
Out in the widest of weather, garbed
in an old tattered shawl,
Starving and chilled, soon her pulse
will be stilled,
She's victim Of progress-that' all"
The chief pathologist then called
upon his colleagues to render their YER
dict on the condition of the pig. The
members of the awesome body came to
some very different conclusions about
the exhibits alcoholic state.
Hes curling up upon his shelf,
He's singing softly to himself,
He seems to be little weepy,
W
His glance Is bright,
His tongue is hot,
I'd say he's tight.
I'd say he's not"
The final decision was, Gentlemen,
the verdict Is: The pig Is just having a
good time
The trial was concluded by the bar
aproned chorus singing:
For there comes night, when we all
get tight,
And the water wagon is a lonesome
sight,
Nobody cares whether Sheppard swears,
Nobody cares how the Woodcock fares,
Well all relax as we pay the tax,
And we'll all forget Carrie Nations ak.
There comes a night when We'll all get
tight,
And III be glad when it comes, won't
you?"
Members representing Senator Nor
ris of Nebraska, johnson Of California,
La Toilette of Wisconsin, and Cutting
of New Mexico, all garbed as little boys,
appeared in a brief travesty, entitled
"The Four Horsemen Of the Ava
lanche."
johnson wondered what they got
when they "hopped of the elephant
and climbed ON the donkey" La Fol-
lette opined that If they were shorn of
their mice committee chairmanships"
they might wish they had stayed reg
ular." Norris wondered If the Demo-
Gratis would help them when the time
came to run again. There entered then
a character representing former Sena-
tor Heflin of Alabama, small boy
with a pillow strapped behind him.
Said he to the four horsemen:
How do know? Say, when I ran
away in 1928 it cost me the licking
of my young life. I amt over it yet.
Old Auntie Democracy spanked me
something awful. But that's nothin'
to what Grandma G. o. P. is going
to do to you. Go on, ride your little
hobbies as long as you can. You may
think you're on horseback still, but you
progressives amt in the saddle no more.