The Coolidge examiner., 1932-11-18
Fable of Links
One Large Day
g
By GEORGE ADE
&c. Bell syndicate)-wNU Service.

u
~ Slave whose Name did not ap-
pear In the History of his
Own Times. He cut no Ice except
that he added a Grand Total of l
to the Census Total He was just
another Passenger on the Trolley
and another Pay Envelope on Sat-
urday night and another Vote to be
rounded up by the Precinct Cap
tain. He was known to the Folks
living Next Door and the Foreman
remembered him from one Week to
another and that is as far as his
Fame ever spread. He wore Over
alls and carried a Lunch Pail with
Cup inverted on the Top and
pulled at a stubby Dudeen, which
was about all of the Biographical
Details available. Except that, be-
Ing a Namesake of the great mar
tyred President, he was commonly
known as Link.
Nothing ever happened to him un-
til he died and then he received as
much worshipful Attention as ever
was expended on a Crowned Head.
He may have been a Mutt while
he was breathing, but the Moment
he became cold he was a Prominent
Citizen.
When he joined the Majority the
bereaved Helpmate consulted the
Bank Book, which showed a stingy
Balance of 1884. There was an un-
paid Balance on the House and
Doctor Bill. Germany was well off
as compared with Links Family.
However, a Sick Benefit had accrued
from the Union.
So the poor bereaved Widow be-
gan to make arrangements for the
ObseQuies. She took all she had in
sight and went into Debt as far as
they would let her go and gave
his Nobs one Whale of a Fare-Ye-
well.
While Link was here He and the
Missus used TO 20 to the Mat about
once so often. In fact, they aver
aged about three Armageddons a
Day, with the Issue always in doubt,
but the Moment he cashed in, she
remembered him as a Male Turtle
Dove who did nothing but Coo.
He was a Tough Bird while he
had his Health but the Minute he
breathed his Last he was Snow
White.
Alive and Kicking: Dead-can't Kick
AS soon as they began making
the Arrangements II occurred to her
that they did not have, in the Win-
clpal, high-priced, aristocra@s Gem
etery, a Lot which was in keeping
with the Social Prominence and EN-
inent Virtues of the Deceased.
So she sent for one of the Trus-
tees of the Graveyard and he let
her have a small Tract Of Ground
on High Spot, commanding a good
view, and all he charged her was
about four times what she would
pay for land at the corner Of Fifth
Avenue and 42nd Street.
After that she called In the Un-
dertaker, who is great help on such
Occasions. He had a new beau
tiful Catalogue showing the diff
ferent kinds of Caskets which might
be purchased. He showed her some
of the cheap ones but he very frank
ly admitted that possibly some Of
the Wood had Worm Holes in 1t and
the Handles were not Sterling Sill
yer, and, although he didn't want
to influence her in any way, he
suggested that she could not get
anything which would be worthy of
the Dear Departed unless she picked
out something in the Back Part of
the Book.
The Widow must have been In
very Sentimental Mood when she
picked out the Metal Casket that
let down in front, the same as
Kitchen Cabinet. 1t had a lot of
Puffed Satin and was guaranteed
TO stand up and remain in Good
Condition for a great many Years,
which didn't make any Difference,
but the Widow fell for it just the
same. She wanted Link to have
the Best of everything.
While he was alive, she would
holler until you could hear her a
Block away If he bought a Collar
Button that cost as much as so
Cents, but now that he was gone
and had become one of the Angels,
let US hope. she couldn't think of
anything too Recherche for him. SO
she ordered the kind of Coffin which
is favored by New York Million
aires, and when she heard the Price
was Eight Hundred Dollars she
wasn't feased trifle.
Then the Undertaken took up with
her the Important Matter of how
they should attire Link before
spreading him out. He said that
the neatest and niftiest and slickest
Costume for a Gentleman of Stand
ing was a Tuxedo with Pearl Studs
and Patent Leather Dancing Pumps.
Than which nothing could have