Askov American. [volume] (Askov, Pine County, Minn.) 1914-current, 1932-11-03
haven't heard nothing yet. The worst

haven't heard nothing yet. The worst
is yet to come.
| We got out to the estate early
enough to get in a little practice.
had Joe lead horse around the
yard for an hour or so, while I got
in little practice on the pitch fork
| grip. / must confess that l prefer
a golf club any day to pitch fork.
But such is life. Mac: BY the time
the farmers began to arrive, Joe and
l were in pretty good shape. We went
from farmer to farmer. putting in the
good word for the Candidate. Our
sales talk was something like this:
I'VE farmers are certainly i'm one
devil of mess. But it's worse to be
a farm hand than farmer. | haven't
been paid for three years." The
usual comeback from the farmer was,
You're lucky: My hired men haven't
been paid for four years.
Things began to pop right after
dinner. 1t was just one mess after
another. One of the farmers slipped
on the tile floor of the Candidates
bathroom and bumped his head on
the ivory door knob. BY the time
got the old boy on his feet again and
rubbed the bump, cOmmotion
started out in the yard. The farm
ers' kids were raising the devil with
everything in general One kid got
hold of the hose on the big gasoline
storage tank and was squirting gaso-
line in the bird bath. All the farmers
crowded around. | distinctly heard
one farmer say: What, filling sta
ton on FARM"
Those kids. Such pesky critters.
| You see, Mac, | have already ac
quired some knowledge of the farm.
| got the term, ''pesky critters" from
the vernacular of the farmer. Well.
! the kids kept on raising the devil
Some way or other they got into the
! trophy room and dragged out all the
Candidates blue ribbons and loving
cups. Such sacrilege. Those little
runts were dashing all over the yard,
waving ribbons in the breeze. Little
girls had blue ribbons tied in their
playing catch with loving cups. 1t
was terrible, that's all. Terrible.
Well. what can the Candidate expect
running for Governor is no easy job.
he's got to take some abuse.
Joe and | got that mess straight
ened out just as the newspaper photo
grapher arrived on the scene They
wanted a picture of the Candidate
holding pitchfork. l sent Joe over
to instruct the Candidate on the cor
rect manner in which to hold the
fork. That was another mess. Joe
insisted that the Candidate grip the
fork as if he was going to sink six
foot putt on the ninth green. It's a
good thing for us that ! rushed over
and made the correction. Anyway
we got a good pose, and the farm
ers throughout the state will see
good picture of our Candidate in a
sort of semi-agrarian pose. If moth
ing else comes out of the whole meet
ing. we succeeded on that point.
Then, some of the farmers wanted
to see the plough horses. Plough
horses" said l. Just come this way,
gentlemen" ! added. The farmers
looked kind of funny at me when
called them gentlemen. It's the
truth, Mac. the only time we call
farmers gentlemen" is during cam
paigns. / blush when think of what
we call them between elections.
So, | led the guests toward the
barn, knowing that Joe would have
everything ready with the Belgian
herd. You remember, we had it all
planned out to have a collar on every
horse. Well, the whole works blew
up right then and there. ] thought
I'd die when j saw the sight in the
barn-twenty-eight beautiful Belgian
blue-blooded horses standing rear end
to in the stalls, and each horse with
an old strawy collar on its neck, but
each collar was on, not only wrong
end to, but upside down. Right then
and there Joe and / parted in our
ways. The farmers didn't say word
They looked around the joint for a
minute or so, glanced at each other
and walked out. However. on the
way out one farmer did ask: What
is this, farm or horse show"
To which / didn't reply.
AS fast as one mistake was ironed
out, another mess started. One old
farmer was making a speech to a
bunch of farm women. He was say
ing something like this: 81 don't
know whether to call this a farm or
what to call it. But if my pap had
been like the Candidates grandpap,
/ could have had a place like this"
So stepped up to the old guy and
said: did you know the Candidates
grandpap?"
Did know the Candidates grand
pap? | should say I did," answered