The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-04-28
By Scoop Himself
What's In Your POcketbOOk

sarily of money, at least none of that
has accumulated in mine for some
time. Anyway, take look. Here's
what 1 found in mine:
A card with visiting hours at Hope
mont. And how's all your folks?
Two dollars; something's the mat
ter.
Mrs. Scoops picture. Right next
to the isinglass; and it's there to stay.
My lodge card. And paid to De-
cember 81, 1882.
My operators card. White, male,
five-seven; weight 100; born, 1905
They forgot to put Valentines Day.
A. A. A. of Maryland card, show
ing expiration date of 1881.
Insurance Identification card, just in
case.
My registration as scoutmaster'
Long hours with no pay and bunch
of onery boys; but oh, what fun!
An uncomfortable white card with
small amount of printing. I'm liable
to show it to you anytime.
A card telling me 1 belong to the
Allegheny Boat Club. And whatever
happened to that I'd like to know.
The address of Paul Gatti, in New
York, where he said might stop
sometime for refreshments. But ]
never have.
A blank check on the First Ma
tional Bank. Yellow with age. So is
the account.
W. Va. us football schedule for
1882 and basketball schedule just past.
An address of friend in Morgantown
(male); the price of tombstones, and
other articles too numerous to men,
ton.
If you haven't any use for pocket
books any more and have already
thrown yours away, try looking thru
your pockets. It's just as much fun
and there's chance you'll find that
old suspender button that's been miss
ing for two years.
***
Contentment is better than riches,
they say,
But try to get Harry Miller to take it
for pay.
The Ups and Downs Of 1t
A traveller told Charley Fleegle,
the station agent, on Tuesday that he
wanted a Pullman berth.
upper or lower?" asked Mr.. Flee
gle.
"What's the difference?" asked the
traveller.
"a difference of fifty cents" replied
the station agent. "The lower is
higher than the upper. The higher
price is for the lower. If you want it
lower, you will have to go higher. We
sell the upper lower than the lower.
In other words, the higher the lower.
Most people don't like the upper al
though it is lower on account of it
being higher. When you occupy the
upper you have to get up to go to bed
and get down to get up. You can have
the lower if you pay higher. The up
per is lower than the lower because it
is higher. If you are willing to go
higher it will be lower"
Exit traveller in faint, assisted by
"Cooney" Hardesty and "Pin" White.
A booster of the west had just fin
ished describing the glorious opportu-
mites of that part of the country. Cali
the west needs to become the garden
spot of the world" he said, sis good
people and water"
"Haw replied loyal Garrett coun-
tian, who still stuck to the Allegheny
mountains in spite of everything,
"That's all hell needs"
The Story Is Out
The story is out about the recent
fishing party which included Joseph E.
Harmed, Oakland druggist and nature
lover. Mr.. Harmed had his prize
catch in one hand, his fishing pole in
the other, and was crossing over a
mill race. In the middle Of the board
several ducks parked beneath, became
alarmed and made a sudden exit
their wings and quacking creating
much noise-in fact, too much noise
for Mr.. Harmed, for in the sudden ex-
element he threw his fish into the air
and temporarily lost his pole. With
his evidence gone, he has quite job
making the drug store habitues be-
lieve that he caught anything.
$50
Can't We All Become Jackasses?
Over the hill trailed a man behind
mule drawing a pillow. He was
broadcasting:
"Bill, you are a mule, the son of a
jackass, and I am a man made in the
image of the Supreme Being. Yet
here we work together year in and
,,oor out T of4o,, 1ryoy,daY &c 1,o,, xrorL