The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-09-01

This morning when l came to work
some malicious spider, with bastard
ly plot in back of his head, had woven
a web from the back of my chair to
that of the Boss Editor, trying to
make it appear that neither one Of
us had been working for some time.
Had it been from my chair to any
other one in the Office, the Boss Edi-
tor would have believed the spider,
but he couldn't since it was hooked to
his own chair. l am inclined to be-
lieve the spider got mixed up in his
seats. Just for that l won't feed him
any more flies that l capture. And
then, what will he do when winter
comes?
A lovely little present came to
Archibaldson this morning. Opening
the package he found wooden bot
tie on the outside of which were in
scribed the words, "Three of kind.
Inside the bottle were TWO jackasses.
The sender is a man after my own
heart.
Deer Scoop: 1 have been married
five years and my husband is worth
less, won't work but says he still loves
me. would like to kick him out but
l fear will break his heart.
Answer: You don't have to kick
him in the heart.
Dear Scoop: 1 am going to get
married next month. Don't you think
my friends ought to give me show
err?
Answer: Sure, if you need one. I'll
be your friend and bring the towel.
Dear Scoop: l have just taken a
telephone operator for my bride. l
never expect to have a cross word
with her, and we will always be two
little love birds. Won't that be nice ?
Answer: You have the wrong
number.
Wrong Office
"The way l see it," says Col. Bell
sis that the candidate who offends
the ears the least is going to get
elected. The people are awfully tired
of campaign speeches. Down where
live a man walked into the sheriff
office and said he had come to give
himself up. The sheriff wanted to
know what for. The man explained
that he was over at the lodge hall
where a candidate for the legislature
spoke for an hour and then spoke for
another hour.
"'And then,' said the man, 4 just
up and shot him dead
Wrong office snapped the sheriff
The bounty clerk is on the next
floor"
Down at Miller's
"Turk, l want some pork chops, and
have the chops lean"
Turk, eyes, Ma'am, which way?''
$50
Do l Believer
Hoover will be elected?
Mt. Lake is revived?
Burglar alarms will ever mean a
bank robbery?
Bob Hoffman will ever settle down
Charlie Sprague will ever stop tell
ing jokes?
This is the last season for Happy
Harned's straw hat?
The Republican platform is dry?
Grover Stemple will become a third
term mayor?
Jim Kerins will ever get serious?
Bill Gibson will ever quit backing
away from people?
H. C. Sincell will ever get over his
big Cleanup" campaign of last
week?
A. T. Slim Shaw will ever be slim {?
Doc Broadwater will ever become
laxative?
Bet Dawson will ever stop being
talkative?
Tom eraser will ever stop squeez-
ing pennies?
C. N. McIntire will ever be a golf
player?
Bill Butt will ever get a wig?
George Littman will ever get a
girl?
Harland Jones will always have his
own way?
Oakland people will ever cooperate
again in the Garrett county fair?
That 1 will ever quit writing this
stuff?
Do I believe all that? Yes, and no.
Make it Roses and Pansies
Bury me meath the shade of the
old apple tree. Not many have the