The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-02-11
New Society Formed


New Society Formed
At a delightful banquet served in
the Italian room of the Oakland Hotel
yesterday evening, one of the most
unique organizations of the town
came into being, that of a Bachelors
Defense Club, or in other words a
sanctum sanctorum for unmarried
males who look upon leap year as one
beset with grave danger.
The meeting for the formation of
this latest club was called by Bill
Browning, who was unanimously
elected president of the association
after the members had eaten of food
cooked by Jim Kerins, Jim Painter
and Judson Loar. Other officers in
cluded: Assistant Chief Ferret, Willie
o. Davis; Pen Wielder, wellington
(Doc Yak Yutzy; Keeper of the
Mazuma and Russian Rubles, Max
Jarboe.
Other members of the club include
Harry L. Miller, Ern Gortner, Harry
Loar, Neil Liller, Percy Frantz, Bob
Wolfe, John Weber, Jim Carney, Earl
(Spide) Thayer, Herman Englehart,
Bill Shaffer and Fred. P. Miller, of
Accident.
The keynote speech made at the
banquet by Bill Browning was as
follows:
Gentlemen, we are gathered here
to organize and band ourselves into
firm, unrelenting, resisting bunch Of
effiorescent males. 1t is our duty as
good American citizens to protect and
uphold the sterling qualities of man.
hood and protect it against the ever
increasing inroads made upon it by
these insidious and plotting females.
eff we had been properly organ
lied four years ago both Jim fowler
and Ed. Offutt might today be among
the charter members of this noble or
ganization.
'T, myself, can speak of personal
experiences against the wiles and
caprices of certain women, of con-
tinual fight to enslave me. Gentle
men, it has been a hard battle; l have
fought and struggled and many times
have almost crossed that darkened
door from which no man returns.
"Look at these matrimonial friends
of ours; they are old men at thirty;
their shoulders droop from the ever
lasting drudge of culinary work.
"See the light with me! Make your
selves strong and fight with me. Car
ry our banner, "Bachelorates Semper
Liberi, Bachelors always free).
PERSONALLY I cannot afford it. 1t
takes all my time to hunt and fish.
Our good friend and brother, John
Weber, has agreed to look over every
plotting female and due to his long
experience in evading the net, will
probably diagnose their intentions to-
ward us.
"And now let US offer silent
prayer for our beloved brethren who
have passed on that long and weary
Journey"
During the meeting petition for
membership was handed to President
Browning. The paper was signed by
George Littman, Robert Hoffman, DIN
Hardesty, Russell Brown, Ossie Hine-
baugh, BUSY Hart, Terrence Tam
burini and Bill Eggers, and the con-
tents stated that although the petit
TONERS weren't sure whether or not
they were considered bachelors, they
felt the need of the protection offered
by the Bachelors Defense Club and
therefore sought admission.
A motion to accept the petition
ers was tabled until the next meeting.
**x
Here's What You're Missing
Here's a sample of what the girls
are missing. The names were picked
at random, and I am sure all the
others have similar qualifications or
others just as good:
BILL BROWNING-Age unknown;
tall; intelligent face; one bald spot
on head; is kind to animals and won't
be home much. Has no touring car
but gasoline truck which gives him
no excuse for parking due to short
age of fuel. And there's more to his
credit, too, but we can't tell you ev-
erything.
HARRY MILLER-Has meat and
grocery market, Willys-Knight car,
diamonds, and everything. Just
think, girls, your pantry stocked with
groceries free of charge. It's the
chance of a lifetime and leap year
will soon depart.
jim KERINS-He's everything a
mother-in-law could hope for. He's
Irish and has sense of humor and