The Coolidge examiner., 1932-10-28

tato in case he could not find a
Buckeye.
1t was Herb Ketterling, who sold
Fruit, Tobacco and Newspapers, who
advised him to get an Electric Belt
becuz one of them done Wonders
for Cousin of his employed by U.
S. Steel, at Gary. Indiana.
1t was Miss Skinner, the Steno,
who asked him If he had ever tried
a Turkish Bath which was a nut
Question, because he never tried
Anything We forget to tell you
that in addition to not knowing he
had a Stomach, he never suspected
that he had Sciatic Nerve.
Plenty of Advice.
j. B. Cummings, the Postmaster,
said that he had used, for Years,
Tablet which instantly killed any
kind of Pain, but he hadn't been
able to get the Preparation lately
on account of the Government stop
ping the Sale of it because it was
said to be full of Morphine. Mr..
Cummings was quite a Help.
Not until Bud Harrington, the
Grain Dealer, dropped in to see
about his Premium. did Mr.. Tim
mons learn that whenever any Part
of the Works is causing Misery, it
simply means that one of the Yer
tebrae has jiggled out of Place and
all you have to do in order to get
| Relief. is to go to a Practor and
| have him hit you in the Back with
a Hammer Mr. Harrington allowed
that nearly all of the Suffering
which has been experienced by the
Human Race during the last 5000
/ Years might have been averted If
more People had been hit in the
Back with Hammers.
Mr.. Cadwallader. who managed
the Local Picture House. happened
to be in the Office when the strick-
en- Patient was getting all of the
| good Dope from the Grain Dealer.
He waited until Mr.. Harrington
went out, and then told Mr.. Tim
mons to lay off of the Hammer Treat
ment. He said that one of those
Lads nearly ruined his Sister-in-
Law. He said that the real Guy
was the Osly because he felt around
all over you, to see IL anything
had shifted or turned over. All Of
which sounded reasonable.
You'll try this and you'll try
that, but in the End you'l pack up
and go to French Lick. Such was
the emphatic Opinion of Mart Carr,
who ran the Soft Drink Emporium
Of which Mr.. Timmons, the Invalid
Of whom we have been speaking,
bought all Of his Chewing Gum.
Ebbie Swisher. who carried the
Mail on r. F. d. No. 8. took quite
a different View of the Matter. He
said the only Thing for Mr.. Tim
mons to do was get right out and
take lot of Exercise.
Before o'clock p. NJ, the Trou-
Bile had been diagnosed as a
slight Sprain. Neuritis, Rheu-
matics, Neuralgia, Sciatica. Lum-
bago and Pneumonia. Also, Mr.. Tim
| mons learned from Otto Gunkel, the
Harness-Maker. that he ought to
take Sarsaparilla for his Blood.
In spite Of all the cooperative Eff
forts Of the Samaritans, there Is no
denying that the Charley Horse con-
tinued to jump, so Mr.. Timmons
hobbled over to see DR.. Good News
! Bundy who said 1t was an Infection
and therefore the Sinus had better
be investigated. The Tonsils dis
carded and all of the Teeth pulled
out and then, If Mr.. Timmons didn't
feel any better. something Else
would be tried.
Upon hearing this. the Victim
rang for a Yellow and was taken
to his Home. where he continued to
experience the most excruciating
AgOnies just east of the Pelvis. He
retired early, accompanied by an
| Electric Pad.
There is no telling what might
have happened if Mr.. Timmons had
not arisen next morning feeling
o. X.
MORAL: To avoid taking Treat
ment, go to Hospital.