Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1932-09-25

clocks is tickleSS timepiece
which brings the sleeper back
to consciousness by easy stages.
First, it purrs gently. Then, if
not attended to, it begins ringing loudly
and insistently. But the third step in
the process is omitted. It does not ex-
plode with deafening defamation which
overturnS the bed and knocks the plas-
ter from the walls. Hence, 1t stops just
short of perfection.
The average, or three-alarm, sleeper
needs something more than mere audi
tory stimulus to bring him to his senses.
He can get up, turn off the alarm and
crawl back into bed without opening his
eyes. Such distractions from the main
business of sleeping become automatic
with him, especially if he happens to be
a father The parents Of small children
develop sort of voluntary somnamou-
lism which enables them to perform va
rious small tasks unconsciously. Mrs.
Milfret reports that her husband, awak-
ened early one morning by simultaneous
outbursts from Junior and the alarm.
got up, twisted a button off Juniors pa
jamas, poured a glass of water into the
alarm clock and climbed back into bed
without missing a wink.
OF course, parents actually have very
little use for alarm clocks anyhow. Long
fellow was right when he placed the
childrerlS hour between the dark and
the daylight" but it is doubtful whether
he would have written SO enthusiastically
of "the patter of little feet" If he had
felt them on his chest at $50 every
morning Ask dad-he knows.
Waking up has been troublesome and
ever recurring problem for man since the
beginning of time. It is an ordeal which
he is obliged to face every "a hours
unless he acquires an overdose of try
panosomes or a vice presidency. And
20 far, science has failed to devise a
means of awakening which will insure
before breakfast cheerfulnesS. Such
homeopathic reveilles as bells, whistles
and shouts from below-StairS are unre-
liable-and the sure-fire methods, which
involve cold water, pinching, pummel-
ing and applying lighted matches to the
soles of the feet invariably sour the dis
position of the victim.
In every family there is one member
who acts as unofficial rouser. This
person wakes up early with malice afore-
thought and wages vigorous campaign
to raise the household from the hori-
zontal to the vertical. She-it is usually
a combines the punctuality of Paul
Revere with the self righteousness of
Benjamin Franklin.
She feels excessively virtuouS, and this
virtue is her only reward, for the posi-
ton of unofficial rouser is a thankless
one. Before going to bed the other mem
bers of the family may insist that they
wish to be awakened at certain hour,
willy-nilly- their Spartan resolu-
lions are forgotten overnight. When the
hour comes and the rouser attempts to
carry out their orders her name promptly
becomes Anathema, nee Mud. They blink
balefully at her and then burrow under
the blankets again.. II she persists
a good rouser always persists-she may
bring them to a realization that she is
only doing her duty. But even then their
gratitude will be imperceptible to the
naked eye. 80 u.s. ,>..
Substitutes for the alarm clock are
many and various. In the Orient coolies
place sticks of lighted pung between their lssii
toes when, they go to sleep. This not