Evening star., 1932-04-10

Reconstruction Finance Corporation
produces loans and more loans, economy
produces commissions and more COM
missions, Geneva produces resolutions
and more resolutions, and the noble
experiment. produces handSprtngS and
more SomerSaultS.
"All at the same time, westward the
tide of politics takes its way, as both
parties with singular appropriateness
choose for their deliberations the Windy
City.
Upon men and measures of this re-
markable time the Gridiron Club sheds
q light wholly warm, friendly, imper-
sonal bipartisan and impartial"
As the guests entered the dining hall
leading presidential candidates, clad in
the garb of 1882, looked down upon
them, adding to the impression that
the dinner was a convention affair.
The portraits bore the following in
Scriptions: Henry Clay Hoover" Mar
tin Van Roosevelt" The Scrappy War
rior, Alfred Emanuel Jackson; Cactus
Jack Garner" and Free Trade, Free
Speech, Free Rum Albert Calhoun
Ritchie." The menus for the dinner
were in the form of tickets to a ma
tional convention.
All Gr1d1ron dinners open with a
crash and the inevitable crash last
night, accompanied by cries of Down
with Garner" Soak the rich" and
You're a liar" evoked the customary
inquiry from the presiding officer and
the explanation:
That, Mr.. President, is the Demo-
cratic House of Representatives rehears-
ing for the Chicago Convention"
Former Years Recalled.
To commemorate the first Of the po-
Htical conventions century ago and
reveal the phenomenal progress made in
the art of politics since the primitive
days of 1882, the Gridiron Club trans
ported its guests back through the
years to that first hotel room meeting
of convention leaders and platform
writers. In beaver hats and stocks and
over their whisky glasses, they were
shown debating such obsolete subjects
as Tammany's attitude toward Little
Van, the votes to be Cleaned from de-
nouncing the bankers, Federal road aid,
notification and Federal economy as
they viewed with alarm or pointed with
pride.
Lights went off for an instant, and
the scene changed to modern hotel
room at the Chicago Convention. A
hundred years had passed. Instead OF
the beavers and stocks, the moderns
were Cldu III SbldW 4Aabos oAAhO oAONfN7'
palm beach suits They debated over
their whisky glasses such modern mat
ters as Tammany'S attitude toward
Roosevelt. the votes to be cleaned from
denouncing the bankers, Federal road
aid, notification and Federal economy as
they viewed with alarm or pointed with
pride.
The forthcoming Chicago conventions
were dealt with in a hotel lobby scene
Messrs. Borah, Newton and Raskop
arrive with other delegates, two OF
whom, from the South, wore what they
explained were "ouah Chicawgo paJa-
mas" consisting of coats of armor.
Senator Borah discovered there was
no reservation for him as the clerk
did not know which convention he was
going to attend and thought he was on
the reservation anyway. Newton hur-
ried to a telephone to call the White
House, had difficulty Identifying him
self to Mr.. Hoover until he explained
that he was one of the White House
secretaries, and reported that Senator
Borah had arrived to write the Repub-
lican platform.
spouts Sparks and Smoke.
At this point the telephone spouted
sparks and smoke. Secretary Newton,
as the last words came over the line
from the White House, obediently re-
piled, 'Yes, sir, understand just what
to do. The lake is right out in front" )"
Chairman Raskob also called Wash
ington, asked his understudy, Jouett
Shouse, how the Democratic Victory
Fund" drive had come out, and, turning
sadly away from the telephone, notified
the clerk to cancel 10 of the 20 rooms
he had reserved. Bellhops, meanwhile,
rushed orders for ginger ale, seller and
cracked ice to Room $40. They're
writing the dry plank" explained the
clerk Amid cheers the delegates unanl-
mously decided to 60 to Room 2l0.
The predicament in which the Re-
publican party finds itself today with
party lines was laid before the guests
when Little Alice G. o. p, lost in Spie-
gel Grove, Ohio, the Prohibition Wood,
sought advice of the Tweedlebrothers,
Tweedlebrown and Tweedlefess. Alice
appeared upon the stage reciting:
My campaign car is stuck in this
Forest of Prohibition.
Perhaps Herbert Hoover can start
the ignition"
Spying the Tweedle brothers, garbed
in Tweedledee and Tweedledum cos
TUNES, Alice continued:
What funny looking boys, Tweedle-
4CoSs NAldAllldI4 Vi IIlJ 1NdIlOlAal SOA1l-
mittee, and Tweedlebrown, who may
have to run my campaign this year.
"Oh, Tweedlebrown and Tweedlefess
Help me out of this awful mess"
Tweedlebrown solemnly replied:
Little Alice G. o. P.
Walter Tweedlebrown is me.
tell every man I've met
Don't be dry but be wet"
rT-uaad1aFaes i,,et as soIeyupIv oave
the following advice:
Little Alice G. o. P.
Don't listen to him listen to me.
Simeon Tweedlefess am I,
Stick by me and be dry
"Wet" as Well as "Dry."
Alice complained that she did not
know whether it was safer to be wet
or dry. The Tweedle brothers exhibited
a plank on one side of which was
written wet" and on the other dry: y
They explain that 1t was the Tweeole
brothers plank for the Republican plat
form, perfectly safe and guaranteed
to carry the C. o. P. to victory"
Alice asked where Herbert Hoover
stood and Tweedlebrown shouted WET, "
while his brother, Tweedlefess, insisted
the President was dry" In mournful
tone Tweedlefess recited:
Herbert Hoover must be wet
Herbert Hoover must be dry.
When I see him so upset,
1t makes me want to cry"
Alice, with tears in her eyes, said:
ST feel like crying too"
Reminiscent of the Walrus and the
Carpenter, Tweedlebrown and Tweedle-
fess recited the following:
'The voter and the President
Were walking, sad and glum,
And they we're both surprised to see
Such quantities of rum.
'And taxless, too the voter sighed.
The President was mum.
'fThe East was wet as wet could be,
The South no longer dry.