Evening star., 1932-08-07
That Ever-Loving Wife of Hymies

well 1 say to Hymie Banjo Eyes, Il see
the big horse goes today
Yes" Hymie says ''the big horse goes today
il can get 10 bucks for the jockey fee, and if
1 car get jock after get the fee. 1t ss a
terrible situation" Hymie says. Here I get
Mahogany all readied up for the race Of his
life in spot where he can win by as far as from
here to Palm Beach and grab a purse worth
600 fish, and me without as much as a saw
buck to hire one OF these hoptoads that are
putting themselves away as Jocks around here"
well" l say, why do you not speak TO
Tasses. your ever-loving wife, about the situa-
ton? see Lasses playing the wheel out at
Hollywood last night" say, "and she has
stack of checks in front OF her greynouno
cannot hurdle. and" say. 'it is not like Iasses
to go away from there without few bobs off
such a start"
Now there you go again." Hymie says, very
impatient, indeed you are always making
it will make the poor little doll very nervous
If 1 speak to her about such matters as a
buck, because IaSses needs all the Sawbucks
she get hold of to keep herself and Sooey-
pow at the Roney Plaza By the way" Hymie
says. how much scratch do you have on your
body at this time?"
Well, I am never any hand for telling lies.
especially to an old friend such as Hymie Banjo
Eyes so I admit I have a $40 note, although
naturally 1 do not mention another tenner
which / also have in my pocket. as I know
Hymie will wish both Of them. He will wish
one of my tenners to pay the jockey fee, and
he will wish the other 10 bet on Mahogany.
and / am certainly not going to let Hymie
throw my dough away betting 1t on such an
old crocodile as Mahogany, especially in race
which horse by the name of Side Burns Is
sure thing to win.
Then 1 go over to the track and forget all
about him and Mahogany until the sixth race is
coming up, and see by the jockey board that
Hynlie has q jock by the name of Scroon rid
ing Mahogany and while Mahogany Is carry
ing only 100 pounds which Is the light weight
OF the race, viii personally just rs soon have
Paul Whiteman up as Scroon. Personally GO
not think Scroon can spell 'horse." for he is
nothing but a dizzy little guy who gets mount
about once every Pancake Tuesday.
The favorite in the race Is this horse named
Side Burns and from the way they are play
ing him right from taw you win think he Is
Twenty Grand He Is even money on the
board and hope and trust that he win finally
pay as much as this because at even money
consider him a very sound investment, indeed
There is little action on several other horses
In the race. but, Of course, there is none what
ever for Mahogany and the last time look he
Is up to fifty. So buy my ticket on Side
Burns, and go out to the paddock 70 take
peek at the horses, and see Hymie Banjo
Eyes in there saddling Mahogany with his
jockey. this dizzy Scroon, standing alongside
him in Hymie's colors of red, pink and yellow.
and making wise-cracks to the next stall about
Mahogany.
Hymie Banjo Eyes sees me and motions me
to come into the paddock, so go in and give
Mahogany pat on the snoot, and the old guy
seems to remember me right away. because
he rubs his bcezer up and down my arm ana
lets out little sncker.
Well as I am standing there, Hymie gives
this dizzy Scroon his riding Instructions, and
they are very short, for all Hymie says IS as
follows:
Listen" Hymie says. get OF with this horse
and hurry right home" .s.
And Scroon looks little di2zer than some
what and mods his head. and then turns and
tips a wink to Kurtsinger, who Is riding the
horse in the next stall.
\A/ELL, finally the post busie goes and
w Hymie walks back with me to the lawn
as the horses are coming out on the track, and
Hyme is speaking about nothing but Ma
hogany.
"It is just my luck" Hymie says. mot to
have bob two to bet him He viii win
this race as far as you can shoot rife. and
the reason he will win this far" Hymie says.
"is because the track is just soft enough to
feel nice and soothing to his sore feet. Further
more" Hymie says, "after Juggling my l40
around every morning for two weeks. Mahogany
will think it is Christmas when he finds moth
ing but this Scroon's 100 pounds On his back.
I'm fact" Hymie says, "f do not need the
purse money I will not let him run today. but
will hide him for bet. But" he says, Las
ses must have five yards at once, and you
know how nervous she viii be II she does not
get the five yards. So am letting Mahogany
rum" Hyme says, land 1t is pity
BY this time the horses are at the post
little way UP the track. and we are stand
ing there watching them, Hymie Banjo Eyes
goes on talking half to me and half to him
self but out loud.
eyes" he says. IT am the unhackiest guy In
all the world Here am" he says, with q