The Coolidge examiner., 1932-12-16
Fable of the Erst-
while Buddies
g
BY GEORGE ADE
20. Bell syndicate,)-wNU Service.

! mar LNED lHdl an antique
Fluff was squatted in the office
Of the Occidental Hotel at Weav.
er Junction. He was regarding
Main Street with an Expression
which was wistful rather than En-
/ thusiastic. He was accosted by a
| Travelling Salesman out of St. Louis
who wanted to know if Number
Five stopped, except on Signal, If
there was a Diner attached and
| whether or not it made the con-
/ nectiOn at GOsport. To which the
Elderly Party replied that he was
not an information Desk, although
/ he felt himself rather intrigued by
any Discussion relative to making
quick getaway from Weaver
| Junction.
Stranger in these Parts" queried
the Drummer, in that tactful and
ingratiating manner which is one
of the chief assets of those who
carry heavy Grips and eat at Cafe
| terias.
Yes and no." was the reply. 81
was born in this Dump and Time
was when l knew every Man, Horse
and Dog within the Corporate Lin
its by his First Name. The Brad
| ley House. this side of the Crick,
was buckingham Palace and the
Methodist church was st. Peters.
The Sun rose just beyond Gard
ner's Mill and set about mile
West Of Buckeye Ridge. l return
after a lapse Of 40 Years, a Combi-
nation of Rip Van Wrinkle. Enoch
Arden and the Prodigal Son. No
matter how much you strain your
Eyes, you will not discover any Tri-
umphal Arches along Main Street.
The Dope Goes Wrong.
THE Members of the Silver Cor
net Band were so busily getting
Market Reports over the Radio that
was met at the Depot by no one
except the Town Marshal and two
Taxis. l visited the terrible Birth
place to pluck an old-fashioned
Flower and stand. bareheaded, in
the Presence of ghostly memories
and bigeyed Dotty. who looked
as II she had stepped out of
Broadway Revue. came from the
House and told me to beat 1t as she
was all dated up, and, what's more,
didn't have any Time for a steam
heated Papa. | expected to find a
Memorial Tablet and. instead, /
was handed the Ice Pitcher !. who
should have been given the Free
dom of the city. am under Suspi-
cion at this moment as a visiting
Bootlegger."
$50 you have been unable to To-
cate any of your old Pals?"
TOO many. All of them are sur
prised to see me and one was glad.
He remembered that | had bor-
rowed Two Dollars from him In
Poker Game in 1888. Perhaps |
should explain that any one looking
at me Today in my Gray Business
Suit and neat Fedora would little
suspect that when Grover Cleve-
land first ran for President ! wore
a Sombrero. carried Pair OF
Knuckles and played the Guitar ey-
cry Evening in the Eagle Saloon,
owned by Herman Smoltz.
"When | left here, with n Circus
there was no Dissenting Voice from
the town-wide Opinion that | would
end up in some large Institution
where men with Springfield Rifles
would see to it that no one inter-
rupted me while ! was making
Chairs. Strangely enough. after |
escaped from the immediate Super
vision of my pious Relatives | felt
an overwhelming and uncomfortable
Desire to lead a snow-white and
blamelesS Existence. For several
Decades | refrained from visiting
the Old Home Town on account of
the Statute of Limitations and be-
cause no one asked me to come
back. For many years | have been
honored and successful in a City
far away.
supposed. of course, that the
Folks here were keeping Tabs on
me and were proud to claim me and
were tickled to learn that | had
been plucked as a Brand from the
Burning. | now learn that they
have heard of me and my Achieve
ments but not one of them has
suspected, all during these Years,
that the Great and good Vernon
J. Kirkpatrick could possibly be the
Verne" who was shot at twice by
a Constable the Night he skipped
out. Even now they are skeptical.
should have brought Measure
ments and Finger Prints with me.
have a Birth-Mark which will
prove all of my Claims. but, it Is
too much Trouble to show it. No
use Talking, when a Small Town
makes up its Collective Mind on
any Proposition it doesn't wish to
be disturbed in the Belief"