The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-04-14
By Scoop Himself
The Long, Long Trail

NOOnCrlDuCeQ by Lester ~. 1uCZy,
one of the sure shots of Crellin, and
don't know where he got it,
Man is of a few days and full of
trouble. He laboreth all the days of
his youth to pay for gasoline chariot,
and when at last the task is finished,
10, the thing is junk and he needeth
another.
He planteth cotton in the earth and
tilleth it diligently, he and his SER
wants, and his asses, and when the
harvest is gathered into the barns, he
oweth the landlord $8.4O more than
the crop is worth.
He borroweth money of the lenders
to buy pork and molasses, gasoline
and oil and the interest eateth up all
that he hath.
He begets sons and daughters and
educateth them to smoke cigarets,
and wear white collars, silk under
wear and hose, and 10, they have soft
hands and neither labor in the fields
nor anywhere under the sun. The
children of his loins are onerous and
one of them becometh a lawyer and
another sticketh up filling station
and maketh whoopee with the sub
stance thereof. The wife of his bosom
necketh with stranger and when he
rebuketh her, 10, she shooteth him in
the finale.
He goeth forth in the morning on
the road that leadeth to the city and
jitney smiteth him so that his ribs
projecteth through his epidermis. He
drinketh a drink of whoopee juice to
forget his sorrows and it burneth out
the Innings from his liver.
All the days Of his life he findeth
no parking place, and is tormented by
traffic cops from his going forth I'M
til his coming back.
An enemy stealeth his car, physi-
clans removeth his inner parts and
dentist his teeth, also his bank roll.
His daughters showeth their legs to
strangers; his arteries harden in the
evening of his life, and his heart
busteth trying to keep the furious
pace.
Sorrow and bill collectors followeth
him all the days of his life, and when
he is gathered unto his Father, the
neighbors sayeth: GLOW much did he
leave?" Lo, he hath left it all.
And his widow rejoiceth in a new
coupe and maketh eyes at a young
sheik that slicketh his hair and play
eth a nifty game of poker.
Woe is man. And from the time of
his birth to the time when the earth
knoweth him no more, he laboreth for
bread and catcheth the devil. Dust
he was in the beginning, and now his
name is mud.
1t Might Become A Habit
From the Baltimore News: "For the
second time in a week gag placed in
woman's mouth by robbers has
caused her death, it was revealed here.
The epitaph of an atheist might be
GAIL dressed up and nowhere to CO."
*k*
Some few think that the time is
ripe for this taxpayers meeting on
Saturday. 1 think the time is over
ripe. In fact it's a rotten time for it.
The meeting, if any, should have been
held some time ago.
**a
From way out in the State of Wash
ington comes letter to Oakland and
in it paragraph or so on how much
the writer enjoys this column. That's
another person who is not afraid to
tell the truth. I still have vivid
recollections of Mrs. o. A. Bremen
patching up my eye and telling me
stories for hours when I fell on the
wet floor of the pavilion at Morris
Park years ago.
*kk
Oakland's Frigidaire
Or Kelvinator, or General Electric,
or Electrolux, or else:
Cheese-Archibalds
Caviar-Soup Davis
Clipped Beef-Boyd Hardesty
Spaghetti james Fazzalari