The Coolidge examiner., 1932-12-16

early Youth we were told to watch
George and do whatever he did. 1t
was thought that he would be a
Bishop sooner or later. He had a
Sister named Minerva who wouldn't
speak to me when we were in High
School because used tobacco. She
is now a Missionary In China.
had TO wait a long Time for my re-
venge, but l got it,
II suppose most of the Tough
Customers turned out to be Good
Citizens"
NO, not Good, merely Successful.
AS look back at the prehistoric
Period of Paper Collars and the
Hair worn in Nets, it seems evil
dent that the only Young People
who developed robust Vices were
those who had both Enterprise and
Ambition. All of the Refrainers
were Virtuous In a negative sort
of Way but maybe 1t was because
they lacked the Pep to get out and
shatter a lot of Rules and Regu-
latiOns.
Il remember that Punk Beasley
was supposed to be Ornery and
worthless but it did learn TO walk
the Slack Rope after all the rest
Of us has tried. and nearly broke
our Necks. and now he Is Manager
of Factory because he knows how
to handle the Unions. Still un-
popular but getting Results. The
meanest Pup in Town, next to Me,
was Red Hannegan. He was the
horrible Example of the Residence
District.
"As soon as Red learned of a
Habit which was frowned upon by
the Cody Element he went and cul-
tivated that Habit, intensively and
otherwise, as a Protest against the
Moral Code as translated here in
Weaver Junction. He Is now
President Of an Inter Urban Street
Railway Company and Exalted Ruler
of the Elks. What is more, he has
not changed any of his Habits. He
simply moved them to l'eighbor-
hood In which they would find
more congenial Environment. Did
you ever hear of the Hooper Shock
Absorber ~
"Who hasn't?"
The GypeTs Litany.
"Well Skinny Hooper was born
and raised right here at this
Whistling Post and, in addition to
having Weak Eyes, was supposed to
carry nothing but a large Open
Space under the Straw Hat. Now
he has House Boat in Florida and
four Jap Servants. He hasn't any
more Gumption than he had when
he failed to get his Diploma in the
High School. 1t seems that one Day
he Just happened to think of a
Shock Absorber and since then he
hasn't done Anything except collect
Royalties and read Timetables.
On the Other Hand. Chad Wheel.
er. who had an intellect so lumi-
nous that you could see 1t In the
Dark, went out West and I'll bet
you couldn't guess what he's doing
now"
Driving a Truck"
NO. that job would involve the
Physical Exertion of Crawling up
on the High seat. starting the En-
CINE and twisting the Wheel Chad
Is too smart to get hooked up with
any Employment which might in
duce Perspiratlon or strain any Of
his pet Muscles. No sir. I learned
today that Chad whose bulging
Brain marked him as a logical Can
didate for Chief Justice of the Su-
preme Court, is now Night Watch
man at a Movie Studio in Holly
wood.
THAT might sound like the Zero
Of Occupation for a Mental Colos-
sus but l have no Doubt that Chad
has the Feeling that he and Bill
Hays practically control the Indus
try. The Playmate that l really
wanted to find out about has dis
appeared. His name was 'Stutter-
Ing Johnson and he was so Con-
scientious that he wouldn't go
along with us to steal Melons. We
were just like a couple of Broth
ers. liked him, even If he did
give me a lot Of Good Advice I
couldn't use. If I'd listened to old
Suffering I'd have been snow
white"
You say he Disappeared?" asked
the Drummer.
"He jumped his Bail Bond at
Little Rock, Ark. about. six years
ago, after he'd been indicted for
promoting a queer Oil Company. I'd
certainly like to find the Old Boy.
He was nearer me than any of my
own kin. Furthermore, from what
learn Of his Success in floating
that oil Stock 7 think I oould uoa