The Coolidge examiner., 1932-10-14

voir Faire with the Accent on the
Salve) and the Air OF Dictinction
and that naughty Something-or-Oth-
er which enables a Snipe to look
down from Heights above at an Ele-
phant, he must mingle with the
Face Cards. He may not learn to
do anything right but he will be so
swanky and exhibit so much Side
that no one will ever dare to offer
him less than $4,000 a Year in the
way of Salary.
Henry and Martha had been Mud
Hens brought up in the Marsh, but
they were determined that Endicott
would be a Golden Pheasant, sur
rounded by Flower Beds and Foun-
tains.
They began to teach him French
while he was Teething. Endicott
must have been puzzled for Weeks
at a Time, trying to determine
which was really his Mamma: Nam
selle the Sanitary Nurse, the Kin
dergarden Specialist or the Psyche
Analyst who was making Study
Of his Responses, which probably
means Something to those who are
up with the Times.
When other Boys were mastering
Marbles, he was taking Lessons on
the Violin. While many poor Urch-
ins were roaming the Fields bare
footed, looking for Green Apples
and Snakes, the Heir-Apparent had
on the Fauntleroy Regalia, includ-
ing Silk Stockings, and shiny
Pumps, and was learning how to
enter a Ball Room. His Guardians
and Keepers and Tutors and Train
ers and Handlers and Rubbers used
Mechanical Appliances on his Face
so as to put his Nose in the Air
and give him that Suggestion of
Stiffness which is always a Valu-
able Asset TO any Boy who is
ashamed of his Parents.
They regulated his Diet, his Ges-
lures, his Pronunciation, his Com
plexion, his Amusements, his Read
ing, his Hours of Sleep, his Finger
Nails and his Moral Nature. They
worked on him the same as Luther
Burbank would have applied him
self to a new $4,000 Species.
Fudge Instead of Football.
He was kept in jeweled box,
surrounded by Tissue Paper and
Cotton Batting.
When the iceman came, he was
taken to the front part of the House
for fear he might hear something
which would corrupt his Vocabu-
larry.
The only Young Persons permit
ted to come in at the Tea Hour and
join him In a Glass of Matted Milk
were those Hot-House Products who
were guaranteed to be free from
Freckles, Slang and the Normal In
stincts of Youth.
When he finally went to College,
a large Delegation went with him
and put more than so sofa Pillows
in his Room and had the Curtains
arranged so that the Morning Sun
would not strike him in the Face,
thereby causing him to start the
Day in a Peevish Mood.
Even If the Football Candidates
did call him Queenie, he could af-
ford to regard them with Disdain,
because he knew more about Porce-
lains and Walter Pater than the
whole Rowdy Bunch put together,
and the Wife of the Assistant in
Chemistry often said that his
Fudges were in a Glass by them
selves.
He came back from the Varsity
with a London Accent which can
be acquired only by those who are
born far from Great Britain. He
had acquired no Vices except that
of taking Aspirin for a Headache.
A good many low-brow Spectators
on the Side-Lines had predicted
that two Hubbard Squashes could
net get together and produce Lily,
but it seems that they were wrong,
inasmuch as Endicott now has the
most interesting Collection of Post
age Stamps outside of the Museums
MORAL: BY the application of
Modern Methods any kind Of Nut
may be grown on the Family Tree