The Waterbury Democrat., 1932-07-19
Good evening.
Good evening.
 o-O-o HOW TO BE ELECTED PRESIDENT
"A sMILEs TIFF THING.

Ing DaDleS. rms VIII prove you like babies and it will bring you the mama vote.
 Come out ast a wringing wet and then have your wife stand forth as a dry. (Roose- welt in 1892. His wife an- nounces' herself dry.)
 Promise prosperity in all its gilded forms, stock market booms, two cars in every ga- rage, a canary In every kit chen, a telephone in every home and over-stuffed furni- ture for the living rooms. (Hoover in 1928).
 Make a great gusto about the forgotten man." Promise this guy break once you are elected. The forgotten man" stuff is something new. Al Smith seems to have been the forgotten man" at the dem convention. Roosevelt in 1932).
 Have your picture taken in overalls, with a rake in one hand, a hoe in the other and piece of hay in your mouth. This will go big with the farm ers-if the shovel doesn't break.
 Pose for the movies with two or three dogs at your feet. This proves you are kind to animals and will therefore be kind to congress when elect cd.
 Give the newspapers pictures of yourself from the time your fat Aunt Fanny gave you the baby ring until you edited the college paper at dear old Soho. (Roosevelt In 1932).
 Don't take any vacations Stick to your desk. It will give 7. constituents the idea you think more of your country than you do youreslf. (Hoover in 1932.)
 Smoke Pucky Cluckies. be- cause Pucky Cluckies are kind to your throat and man with q kind throat Is bound to have a kind voice. (Any candidate in any year.)
 Take yeast, look out for pink tooth brush. athlete foot, domestic hands, halitosis. pyorrhea, falling hair, acidosis, high blood pressure, low blood pressure, any blood pressure at all, housemaid's knee, (even your best friends won't tell you,) and be sure to. drink dated coffee with milk from contented cows.
 Fly to the convention which nominates you. Write your acceptance speech in the clouds. You'll come down to earth again before the elec- ton is over. Roosevelt in 1932).
 If the opposition wants to put millions of men to work building postoffices and the like. call it pork barrel poli- tics, tell 'em the U. s. A. is going in the pawn brokers business. This will get big cheer from the wailing walters in Wall street. (Hoover in 1932).
 Suggest tree planting cam- paign. Put millions of men to work planting trees. Plum trees, so the politicians can have their usual supply of plums. (Roosevelt in 1932).
 Tell them that prosperity is just around the corner. x marks the corner, try and find it. (Hoover in 1932).
 Ridicule the idea that you wear a hair shirt. (Hoover in 1932).
 Come out for the five day week, no matter how weak you may be yourself. (Any candidate in any election.)
 Go fishing and forget your troubles. Yeah, try and for get 'em. (Hoover in 1932.)
 Let the world know you eat ham and eggs for break fast. This will get the vote of truck drivers.
 Tell them your wife man. ages her own home and does her own shopping for the a large market basket on her table. Have the wife pose with arm, one you bought just be- fore the photographer arr rived. This is great stuff and always makes a hit.
 Have photographer snap your picture seated at desk surrounded with congratula- tory telegrams. Find the one sent by Smith. (Roosevelt in 1932.)
 Try to get a former popu- lar president to represent you at the Olympic games. Not that you are interested in the games, but you want his en- dorsement for yourself. (Hoov- CT in 1932.)
 Be sure to say the prosper ity of the country depends on the farmers. This has never been pulled before-not much. Farmers have fallen for 1t in the past, they perhaps will in the future. You know q far mer's a farmer for all that.
 Have some sQb sister news paper woman write your early life story. How you almost died at with whooping cough, just escaped the grim reaper at through measles and at IS almost became bald through e terrific attnck of dancing dandruff. Make them realize you were spared to SERVE YOUR COUNTRY IN ITS DARKEST HOUR OF NEED. (The baioney madami Next counter down. pIease.)
 Hammer home consistently that you have a mind Of your own. tNobody minds that any more.)
 And in closing each cam palgn speech, don't aay, ''if elected president. etc." Don't be q Doubling Thomas. Ai- ways say, And when elected YOUR nFesident, etc." Do Asiro Co uao tho emphatic "fOuH". We know you mean Co kny YOUR OWN president iiut Q Ice ef dumbs fell for Ii.