The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-07-28

Sunday afternoon was just another
swimming time with me, at least it
gave me an opportunity to get in on
the beach parade where l could show
off in my scanties and stare at the
scantiers without being called brazen,
bold, brassy, forward, pert, assuming
or saucy; that is if l didn't stare,
gaze, or look intently, too long at one
sitting.
A few go swimming to swim, some
go swimming or beach sitting to
watch others, but the majority go
swimming to give others something
to watch. All humans come under
class three.
Making my debut from the locker
with no means of identification except
my birthmark, mole on my back,
and key tied around my neck, l
nonchalantly, indifferently, uncon-
cernedly, carelessly, and alphabetically
strolled, rambled, walked, promenaded
and eXcursioned down to the dock,
apparently oblivious to the many
stares and motions of the beach sit
tiers and dock sun parkers.
I finally discovered that in place of
causing the sensation, they were all
trying to get me to look at them,
and 1 did, casually, incidentally, ac-
cidentally, and fortuitously.
After making an inspection of those
in class three, l was reminded of the
many romances that had been started
when young man first saw his young
| lady in a bathing suit; but more that
! had likewise been shattered the same
way, and vice-versa.
Every woman desires to look well
in bathing suit, and every man has
a sneaking suspicion that he looks
swell in one And many Of them do
| look swell-around the stomach. My
self for instance or Archibaldson. But
there's nothing inflated about my feet.
They're fiat, according to the doctor
and the prints in the sand.
And what an array of feet was all
over the landscape! Small feet on
big men, little big toes and big little
toes, and athletes feet on stenogra-
pliers.
From the feet up there were the
knots, moles, wens and birthmarks,
all evident. Before long the list will
undoubtedly include appendicitis in
cisions. They are already being
prominently worn at the larger re-
sorts.
Moles were divided into four types,
black, brown, fuzzy and those with
one hair long enough to be called
three whiskers. Knots were divided
into mosquito bites, gnat gnaws,
chigger nips which had been scratched
and gouged, dug, furrowed, scored,
with no consideration for will power
and good intentions; and the bumps
of human imperfection.
Not to mention the friendly knees
and those that were enemies.
The friendly knees could be dis
tinguished easily because they always
stuck close together. The enemy
knees are the horse shoe type similar
to the Natural Bridge of Virginia.
There they were with piano legs,
veryclose veins, rolls of fat, wash
board ribs, muscled arms, toothpick
limbs, droopy shoulders, big ears and
small head, summer haircut, Roman
shnozzles, bull necks and double
chins, with and without Adams
apples.
And then there were the few and
far between examples of physical per-
lection, excellence, Wilderness, and eX-
uuisiteness. Until l saw them l
thought it was just day for US
shorts and squashes. One fellow along
the beach was sure strutting. Any
body can strut in bathing suit, but
few there are who can strut sitting
down.
Oh, well, not nearly so many Of
them strut when they emerge from
the bathhouse with their clothes re-
stored. And what difference does an
inflated stomach or fiat feet matter
after all, if your heart is in the right
place?
There l go, getting sentimental.
Someday I'm going to have towel
made especially for my personal use
large and fluffy, but with small thin
strip with which l can dry inside my
ears.
Fred Shine married Ann Maple,
according to this weeks list of mar
riages.
After seeing one of those monster
flies, whom thought had just mas
sacred a few minutes before, slowly