The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1932-12-30
The Fable of the
Vacation at Home
g
By GEORGE ABE
@ By Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate.
WNU Service

whose much Better Half was
~ all feverish to pick up and go
as far South as the Tickets
would carry them. She had been
reading those Palm-Tree Ads which
show an improved Garden Of Eden
decorated with the ldle-Rich until she
was fair Cuckoo. This Woman had a
lurking Desire to see her Picture In
the Rotagravure Section along with q
Cluster of those camera-shy Celebri-
ties wearing that rudy Facial Tint
which can be acquired only In the
Locker Room of high-class Country
Club. She wanted to go where Night
was turned into Day and Day was
turned into Massage Treatment. She
wanted to step out. Such are the
Cold Facts In the Case
Now this Typical American Hus-
band was disposed to give Sweetie
everything In or out of Reason but
he was sitting in Game of High
Finance In which no Player dared to
look out of the Window or wipe his
Spectacles. leave alone taking a long
Journey. She was afraid to go alone.
for fear that someone might take her
for a Widow and want to dance with
her. She could not dig up Female
Relative or Acquaintance who wasn't
either too Staid and Conservative or
else short on Snappy Wardrobe. Be
sides, a Party Of Two Persons, when
both are acting as Chaperons never
did develop any Excitement, so the
whole Situation was very dark.
Imported Atmosphere.
The Provider knew that she was
moping over the Prospect of being
penned up in a $4,000 Prison, with
only four Servants to wait on her and
no Place to go except "heaters, Nov
ing Pictures. Musicales, Bridge Par
ties, Receptions, Dog Shows, Art Ex-
hibits and Auction Sales of Antique
furniture. So he tried to frame up
Scheme to give her right at home,
some of the celestial Delights Of which
she was being cheated on account of
his selfish Ambition to avoid going
into Bankruptcy.
When he had laid all of his Plans
he divulged them to her as follows:
He said 1t was out of the Question
for them to think Of traipsing off to
the Tropics, but he had fixed it so as
to give her most of the Thrills which
she would get almost anywhere be-
tween Jacksonville and Panama.
Listen, Honey" he began. 81 have
arranged with Mr.. Wilgus of the Will
gus Floral Company to get the use of
their large Conservatory. We can sit
under the high Dome and be entirely
surrounded by Palms, Rubber Plants
and Orange Trees. The Temperature
will be well above Ninety, so we can
wear our very lightest June Stuff, in
Guiding the Sailor Straws and White
Shoes. When we get thoroughly Steam
heated and are surrounded by all of
that equatorial Vegetation, the Illu-
sion will be so convincing that we can
very well imagine ourselves to be away
off yonder in the dreamy Southland
which is now just as dreamy as any
Boiler Factory you ever listened to-"
"You are certainly mapping out
Gay Time for me-" said the Skeptical
Missus. what would be the big idea
in sitting under a lot of sheltering
Palms for Hours at Timer"
Fish, Jazz, and BeIl-Hops.
"You forget" he reminded her.
"You forget that about once an Hour
you would retire to a small Apart
ment furnished with Pine Bed
stead, two Chairs and Calendar and
make a complete Change of Costume,
clear down to the Rigging. l have ar
ranged to build into the Hot House
an accurate Replica of the usual Bed
room at the typical Tourist Hotel.
have even gone so far as to order
Cake of everlasting Soap and alter the
Plumbing so that the Tub can be filled
the same Day. may have some
trouble in locating any Mosquitoes,
but If they are to be had, you will get
them. Also. the Setting will be so
contrived that. by looking in any Di.
rection, you will see a Stuffed Fish.
In the Semi-Distance. half concealed
by the luxuriant Growth, will be Win.
dow Dummies draped in late and ex-
pensive and exceedingly brief Gowns
of the most summary Description.
You can see what my Thought is-to
provide you with every possible Re-
hinder of an overcrowded Caravan.
sary at the Height of a hectic Sea-
son."
at doesn't sound like much" per-
sisted his wife. sam l supposed to
sleep in the Room during this imag-
mary Visit to the Land of Sunshine?"
"You know It! And you will have
one Pillow which will be all right un-
less you happen to get it into your
Ear. What's more, will see to 1t
that many giggling Night-Hawks stand
outside Of your Door and talk most of
the Night. Everything is going to be
Realistic.
"While I am going through with this