The Waterbury Democrat. [volume] (Waterbury, Conn.) 1917-1946, 1932-03-31
"a SMILES THE THING

o--O-O
They're going to tax radios,
automobiles, theaters, oil,
gasoline and what have you.
What they should tax is con-
gressmen. And every hot air
politician who gets up to make
spe ech.
600
Pretty soon they'll put tax
on kissing. But this won't
bother married men, at least
the nights the maids are off
duty.
900
All they talk about to-day is
tax. They want to tax tele-
grams. too. A form Of tele-
graft.
600
The more income you have
now, the greater will be your
outgo.
600
They say talk is cheap but IL
they put tax on telephone
calls it will be another story.
600
What they should do is tax
old maids and bachelors. That
might give them a thrill. Moth
ing else does.
600
All cosmetics will be taxed
so it is going to cost a girl
more than ever before to be
pretty. Soon her face will be
the druggists fortune.
o-O-o
Beauty parlors will be taxed
so the next time you have your
face lifted the price is going to
make it drop.
600
A permanent wave-theo-
retically permanent-will cost
more in the new bill. So wave
the old price goodbye.
600
And if you want your fin
gernails painted pink the price
is going to make you feel
blue.
O-O-O
There's going to be a new
tax. on medicines. Taxes are
medicines enough for anybody.
600
Bank papers will be taxed
but if they try the same thing
on the frozen assets somebody
is going to suffer from numbed
fingers.
600
If you take a ride on the
merry-go-round 1t will cost
you a tax. AS If the merry-go-
round didn't tax ones strength
already.
You stop for gasoline and
you'll pay a tax. A gallon of
trouble and then some.
600
Ask for a quart of oil and
you'll kick in with your tax.
And pouring oil on the troubled
waters won't help them any
either.
600
If you smoke you'll pay
higher tax. It's Lucky Strike
for Uncle Sam but the load on
our back is going to make us
emulate a Camel and we're
hardly going to feel like Ches-
terrified.
If you buy a pair Of shoes
made in England you'll pay a
tax. Now we're getting at the
foot of the thing.
600
Suits made in Scotland will
bear a tax. I suppose Scotland
will be tickled, they've never
liked our exploiting of Scotch
jokes anyway.
600
Buy a raincoat made in
France and you'll pay a tax
making you feel all wet in
more ways than one.
600
And when you step in to
purchase a photograph record,
there will be a nice little tax
awaiting you. You get the
needles now as well as the
record.
There'll be a tax on pianos
SO it looks as If this might
be the key to the whole situa-
ton.
o-O-oA
For the next wear or two
you're going to pay tax every
time you spend a nickel. But
the government says there's
cents to the plan.
600
They'll tax marriage licenses
and divorce papers, deeds,
births, deaths and the like.
And this will tax our patience
later on.
Pretty soon they'll tax the
air we breathe, the water we
drink, the flowers we smell,
the sunshine we enjoy. They'll
even tax the taxidermists.
600
! favor taxing old maids and
bachelors. 1t will be their first
experience with trouble.
600
II the old maid doesn't
want to pay the tax and the
bachelor doesn't want to pay
the tax, then they'll probably
marry, thinking it will bring
escape. Hah, that's where the
tax comes in. About eighty
five different types of taxes.
Which means 1t will be cheaper
to stay single and pay a single
tax than double up and have
your taxes do the same.
900
If they put a tax on snappy
stories, travelling statesmen
would cough up a lot of dough.
600
If they make the crossing
of knees punishable by a tax,
look at all the money they'd
get from gals with good legs.
600
b. Then tax the traffic cops
every time they bawled out a
motorist. What a lot of rev.
enue that would raise.
o-O-o
Next we could tax bottles of
hair restorer. This wouldn't
restore hair but II would re-
store a balance for the ma
tion's budget.
o--O--0
Good night.