The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1932-11-18
Fable of Links One
Large Day
e
By GEORGE AIDE
t@. Bell syndicate.)--wNU Service.

~ nee there was an Industrial
Slave whose Name did not ap-
~ pear in the History of his Own
Times. He cut no Ice except
that he added Grand Total of l to
the Census Total. He was just an
other Passenger on the Trolley and
another Pay Envelope on Saturday
night and another Vote to be rounded
up by the Precinct Captain. He was
known to the Folks living Next Door
and the Foreman remembered him
from one Week to another and that
is as far as his Fame ever spread. He
wore Overalls and carried a Lunch
Pail with Cup inverted on the Top
and pulled at stubby Dudeen, which
was about all of the Biographical De-
tails available. Except that. being
Namesake of the great martyred Pres
ident, he was commonly know as Link.
Nothing ever happened to him until
he died and then he received as much
worshipful Attention as ever was ex
pended on a Crowned Head. He may
have been a Mutt while he was breath
ing but the Moment he became cold
he was Prominent Citizen.
When he Joined the Majority the be-
reaved Helpmate consulted the Bank
Book, which showed a stingy Balance
of 1884. There was an unpaid Bal
ance on the House and Doctor Bill.
Germany was well off as compared
with Links Family. However, Sick
Benefit had accrued from the Union.
So the poor bereaved Widow began
to make arrangements for the Obse-
quies She took all she had in sight
and went into Debt as far as they
would let her go and gave his Nobs
one Whale of a Fare-Ye-well.
While Link was here He and the
Missus used to go to the Mat about
once so often. In fact, they averaged
about three Armageddons Day. with
the Issue always in doubt, but the Mo-
ment he cashed in, she remembered
him as a Male Turtle Dove who did
nothing but Coo.
He was Tough Bird while he had
his Health but the Minute he breathed
his Last he was Snow White.
Alive and kicking: Dead-Can't Kick.
AS soon as they began making the
Arrangements it occurred to her that
they did not have, in the principal.
high-priced, aristocratic Cemetery,
Lot which was in keeping with the
Social Prominence and Eminent Vir-
tues of the Deceased.
So she sent for one of the Trustees
of the Graveyard and he let her have
a small Tract of Ground on a High
Spot, commanding good view, and
all he charged her was about four
times what she would pay for land at
the corner of Fifth Avenue and And
Street.
After that she called in the Under
taker, who is great help on such
Occasions. He had a very beautiful
Catalogue showing the different kinds
of Caskets which might be purchased.
He showed her some of the cheap ones
but he very frankly admitted that
possibly some of the Wood had Worm
Holes in it and the Handles were not
Sterling Silver, and, although he didn't
want to influence her in any way, he
suggested that she could not get any
thing which would be worthy of the
Dear Departed unless she picked out
something in the Back Part of the
Book.
The Widow must have been in a
very Sentimental Mood when she
picked out the Metal Casket that let
down in front, the same as a Kitchen
Cabinet. 1t had a lot of Pulled Satin
and was guaranteed to stand up and
remain in Good Condition for a great
many Years. which didn't make any
Difference, but the Widow fell for it
just the same, She wanted Link to
have the Best of everything.
While he was alive, she would hol-
Ter until you could hear her a Block
away if he bought a Collar Button
that cost as much as so Cents, but now
that he was gone and had become one
of the Angels, let us hope, she couldn't
think of anything too Recherche for
him. So she ordered the kind of Cof-
fin which is favored by New York
Millionaires and when she heard the
Price was Eight Hundred Dollars she
wasn't feazed a trifle.
Then the Undertaken took up with
her the Important Matter of how they
should attire Link before spreading
him out. He said that the neatest and
niftiest and slickest Costume for a
Gentleman of Standing was a Tuxedo
with Pearl Studs and Patent Leather
Dancing Pumps. Than which nothing
could have been more appropriate for
Link
Soprano Tried for Distance.
He not only never had worn a Lew
Cody outfit but he never had seen one
What is more, it would have required
a Posse of very determined Men TO
get Link into Tuxedo but, of course,
they had him counted out and lying
Horizontal and the Widow was having
her own Way, so she ordered. at very