davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

NEW
YORK
Sigh for Funny Gents
slaa3] !l|

Sigh for Funny Gents
New York, March BIN these days
when columns seem to tumble over
each other in the New York press
many oldsters find themselves signing
for the funny gents who day-in-d day
out turned out humorous depart
ments for the dailies.
Several have been swallowed up by
Hollywood; some write books and
some do pieces for the weekly and
monthly magazines; some have gone
radio and some have just naturally
disappeared.
X X X
Miss Archie the Cockroach
None has ever come along to take
the place, for instance, Of Don Mar
quis with his poetic slapstick, as II,
"Sonnets to Red-Haired Lady," or
his Archie the Cockroach. Such mel
lowed daily verse and prose appears
to have belonged to another day.
Nunnally Johnson, wag Of the Post,
turned his hand to fiction and most
successfully. With the old Morning
World went Frank Sullivan, maddest
of the daily clowns, now finding his
roof in the New Yorker and other
publications.
Russell Grouse, Of the paragrapher
school, turns out tones on Ameri-
cana. Only F. P. A. remains to repre-
sent the better traditions of the old
paragraph and-contrib columns.
* X u
Bouquet for Falstaff
Which is something of a common
tary on the biggest town" when one
considers Philadelphia, Boston, Chi
cago, Cleveland and many another
town where newspaper columns are
still, thank heaven, newspaper col
umns.
Perhaps the best, or capable Of chal-
longing the best, is Jake Falstaff, now
on the Cleveland Press. For years
Falstaff chose Akron as his camping
ground, but the quality of his stuff
was such that it soon attracted ma
tional attention.
One summer he was invited to New
York, to fill in for F. p. A. while
Adams was on a vacation. Thereaf-
ter, he could have had several big
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

We believe 1t Is impossible for thu
Republican party to continue its en-
tangltng alliances with the Anti-sa-
loon League and deserve the support
Of its former acknowledgement Pit
cairn, chairman Of the Republican
Citizens Committee Against Nation
al Prohibition.
Alcohol has no stimulant value. Il
Is a narcotic, and wet doctors who
say it has a stimulant value are de-
Tending narcotics.-Dr. Richard G.
Cabot OF Harvard Medical school.
\ X X
We are going to cut every appro-
priation. The administration has
been making gestures for three years
Now we are going to do the job.-John
N. Garner, speaker of the House.
There Is absolutely no chance OF
Japanese annexation of Manchuria
Japan will respect her treaties to the
utmost.-General Sadee Araki, jap
anese minister of war.
* * *
The movies and are through CON-
pletely. -C Colleen Moore, ex-movie
star.
X X X
There has been overproduction ane
prices have dropped tremendously
William e. Mitchell, attorney genera
Of the United States.
x X Il
There are no tongs as far as we arr
concerned now. We are all Chimes.
who feel that we must support oul
country.-Eddie Gong, ex-chief o
Hop Sing Tong, New York.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
By DIR. MORRIS FISHBEN
Editor. Journal Of the American
A-~>~tA$$AN

meQ1C0A AA8VC13sAVsS -
Only recently has scientific medl-
cine begun to realize the great IRE
Quency Of heart disease and It's I'M
portance as a cause Of death.
SO little did this realisation exist
! in the past that no deaths from heart
disease were recorded In New York
for the period 1804-18o8, although OBJ
yiously there must have been many
people dying from such = cause.
There are, Of course, various types
Of heart disease. The organ may be
damaged by poisons that have circu-
lated through the body, and have IN
jured the muscle. It's nerve control
may be involved. The blood vessels
that supply the heart with blood may
be hardened or otherwise INSTRUCTED
Sometimes infections attack the
valves Of the heart or its lining.
In general, the various causes OF
heart disease may be listed as the
congenital, which means that the
heart is abnormal at birth; the rheu-
matte type, which Is probably due to
some special infection; the syphilittc
type: the type that is due to harden
ing of the arteries; the type due to
chronic high blood pressure: the
type due to fatigue, and consider
able number which apparently have
some unknown cause.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
Barbs

The Prince OF Wales is teaching
boxing to his young nephews. Now
some wisecracker will call him the
Prince Of Whales.
X * X
A two-year baby voted in the
recent Irish elections, q news item
says. That proves the Irish are right
minute on the latest Amer
lean election methods.
X Y X
Judging by what the coaches say
the changes in the footoball rules will
revolutionize the game and leave II
entirely unchanged.
+ \ \
Every man should expect to live
through four depressions, the econom-
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

New York posts. Falstaff made no
pretense at even liking the metropo-
lis. He could scarce wait to get away,
which amazed the big-Wigs Of Man
haitian.
There was little allure and much
discomfort in the nations market
place. And Jake, being a large and
civilized fellow, likes his creature
comforts and has few illusions about
tinsel that poses as star dust.
The Gossip Boys
Some day shall ask Mons. Falstaff
to do piece for me on what he thinks
Of those myriad gadabout gossip seek
ers now abroad in the town who spend
at least a hundred words a week
groaning and sweating over the long
hours spent discovering that Lola de
Plotz, Of the movies. no longer
speaks to Reginald st. Zilch.
And while they tell of their fatigu-
ing efforts, have no doubt M. Fal-
staff is seated over lordly cut of
beef complimenting the chef on his
sauce. And can that gent writer
X y 4
Miss Kin Hubbard
Going westward, they've had Will
liam Allen White for a different type
OF commentary and 1.-THE Old Tack"
down in the southwest for outspoken
opinion and whimsical lunches.
Many millions of us will always miss
Kin ubbard, and I've never under
stood why those radio gents who pre-
tend to be looking about for Ameri-
can humor haven't tried to use his
sayings.
There are many, many other names
but New York no longer contains
them. Yes, there are fellows who
still turn In bright and witty yarn,
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

added.
"You do see, don't you" she
asked appealingly.
II never saw a girl like you,"
Larry said wonderingly. "You don't
drink. You don't smoke. And here
you are insisting that you have 4
chaperon while paint you in q
gown Queen Victoria would have
worn IL she'd had the figure for 1t"
I The light note went out Of his
voice. He pursued the subject with
a kind Of reluctant and unwilling
admiration:
you're queer little Puritan,
Ellen, but I'm not sure I don't ad.
mire you for it. Girls nowadays
are too free and easy-the kind
seem to know, anyhow. They've
tossed away a lot trying to grab
of the sort Of freedom that doesn't
seem to make them happy when
they get 1t. It seems q silly thing
to say. but I'm going to say it.
You're q wise little girl, Ellen"
He caught his breath and laughed
4 confused, uncertain laugh.
It wasn't much. But Ellen treas.
ured those words.
I0rTEN during the next two weeks
- she went to sleep dreaming
dreams Of Larry. She was seeing q
different side Of him these days.
was learning that he could work as
well as play at high tension. She
loved this different side Of him,
loved the inexhaustible enthusiasm
he exhibited for color. for paint. for
canvas, for real labor.
Things at home, financially speak
Ing, were going much better since
she had received the increased sal
airy at the store but the additional
money from Dreamland was still
NECESSARY. Not for much longer
Ellen hoped.
Molly, fretful and distressed over
the continuous companionship with
Larry and not to be consoled by the
fact that Ellen was seeing a great
deal OF Steven at the store, had
grown strangely apathetic. She
seemed temporarily to have lost her
ability to spend money before 1t
was earned. Nevertheless Ellen had
often the feeling Of a tight.wire
walker. She knew, did Ellen. how
easily q budget can be upset.
There were other things that
gave her the feeling Of q tight-wire
walker. For one thing, even though
shs g4ve him countlsss opportunt'
ties. even though she could feel that
hs and she were coming closer and
closer to some inevitable climax,
Larry failed to nay ono word about
his engagement. The name Of Eliza
beth Bowes. the gay debutante who
was fitting over Europe before re-
turning for her autumn wedding.
had never been mentioned between
/ them. Even a. she fell moro and
more helplessly In love with Larry.
Ellen could not forget how unfairly
he was treating her.
She was attempting to crowd too
much action. too much excitement
too many emotions into "a hours
She was always swinging back and
forth from Steven to Larry. On the
l Ona aida was common aAnEe and on
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
AhadimQz = ,;l;d} Ql[L Is; =
Associated Press Photo

she so often did at the contradic.
lions in the man. The studio was
bare and plain, so obviously the
room Of a workman that it seemed
incredible Larry could have chosen
it, incredible that he fitted there 40
we'll.
She was cramped and tired from
the continuous strain of posing but
she was very light hearted. She sat
down at the dusty grand piano
which commanded one corner.
pushed back the top and ATTEMPTED
to remember enough Of her child.
hood instruction to pick out a sim.
pie melody. The instrument was
badly out Of tune and her amateur.
lsh efforts were luGicrous. She was
giggling at the discordancy when
the door opened and Larry came in.
laden with green bottles and a
brown bag of sandwiches.
She shook her head when he in.
sisted that she keep up the good
work and rose hastily. So hastily
that she knocked to the floor q
photograph which had been lying
lace downward on the piano. She
picked it up and gazed at the photo.
graph.
Smiling out at her was the faca
| OF Elizabeth Rowes
Ellen's heart failed at this visual
evidence of the unknown girls nos
: session OF the man she loved. She
1elt as It the blood were draining
slowly from her body.
"Oh," she said, after a horrihl.
endless interval. what IA pretty
girl" s''''
Yes, isn't She" Larry agreed.
He put down the bottles and thu
Dag OF sandwiches: came over and
removed the photograph from NJ.
lens fingers and laid it back On tha
piano face down. WV
she's rather a good Sort" he
SAID casually. "A friend Of mine
What do you say we eat?' '
Ellen, a bright fixed smile an hor
race and death in her heart, arr,ed
that they should eat. Oh. whv
nadn't ne told her the whole trnth7
she thought she could have FIR.
gwen him everything if only he had
told her. She desired passfonatclv
to blot him forever from her sieht
ana from her memory. She wanted
TO tell him that, brutally and crms,.
y. She desired that he shonld +.
nurt Is she herself had been hurt
hut she restrained her passionats
accusing words. She said only that
sne would dress while he laid ont
the simple meal. ~ ou'
tasr voice sounded nat and tam.
WHAT'S wrong with your" Larrv
asked. puzzled. s
She wanted to cry out that ).
cuew wen enough what was wronr
one wanted to tax him with lvir. VIM
Que he had not lied. There va. :.
reason in the world why he sho,, ~
tel ner everything. He had nsv.-
promised to be more to her th.n
"naI ne was-a playmate.
what's wrong with you ," r...-
repeated. Larry
E'len,s chance had come. He him.
-. .s.l IVA. was forcing the issue. It Vas
the time to demand that ha choc..
'oesween her and Elizabeth, Boves, .
TIC BE continued) .rasI j
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

ern italy by Austrian troops were re-
pulsed. italian headquarters also an
hounced that heavy Smelling Of Aus
trian troop movements was believed
to have inflicted heavy losses.
British troops In Palestine advanced
more than three miles on m 1l-mile
front In Z renewal Of their offensive
against the Turks.
Many coastal villages were taken
by the British in the movement.
Paris was raided by German. air
craft and Is persons were killed and
50 wounded BY bombs.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

hurt Steven many times she knew.
At luncheon with him her thoughts
would stray to Larry.
She would wonder what he was
doing, where he was, what he was
saying in those hours he spent away
from her. Then she would start
with a sudden realization that she
had heard not one word Of what
Steven had been saying.
Larry, even IL he had been more
honest with her. she knew would
still remain one Of those suitors
who can never be depended on. He
blew hot and blew cold: laughing a
gale one minute and Quarreline
fiercely over nothing tho next. After
those spirited Quarrels he generally
stalked away without a word. Ellen
would cry herself to sleep, con
WINGED she would never see him
again. The next night he would
turn up at Dreamland, unabashed
and unrepentent, the cause Of the
quarrel and the quarrel itself for
gotten. Oh, It was maddening never
to know where one stood, thought
little Ellen as thousands Of other
girls have thought.
CHE had some times the strange
- feeling that In this double, or
rather, triple life she was leading
she was losing Molly, losing Myra
and little Mike, losing touch with
her home as she was certainly los
Ing touch with her duties at the
store. She knew that Lorene Ell
colt was disappointed in her though
nothing had been said. She knew
all these things and yet could moi
feel regretful.
Larry's very contradictions were
q delight: the burning, feverish
love she felt for him was an answe,
to her wild, young prayers Of the
year before. Nothing mattered
when she was with him except that
she should please him. Nothing
mattered except that hero was an
other evening, an evening when she
might learn where she stood with
him. She was always straining to
ward that issue. Always he wa,
eluding it.
Then came an August night wheu
Bert and Myra accompanied her te
the studio, one Of the free Mondays
that came all too seldom. It wal
insuherably hot even with thu
studio skylight wide open and ali
the easement windows deuuded o1
curtains and swung out into thu
airless. starry night. At about /
o'clock Bert protested be could bea,
no more and dragged Myra out te
2 neighborhood movie. They were
returning for Ellen at 10, the hou,
the posing invariably was ended.
Larry worked for some time afteI
they LETT. absorbedly mixing hi,
colors and absently wiping hill
brush on his faded smock, staudins
Of to observe an effect. squirting q
the canvas and then ct Ellen almost
as though he had never seen hei
before. But ct 9 he lung down hi
brush, announced that it was toe
hot for anything except suicide, and
banged of downstairs Tor ginger
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
PARIS Is RAIpED

PARIS Is RAIDED
On March 8, 1918, heavy German
attack in the Ypres-Dixmude sector
of the western front forced back Brit
ish troops, but the advantage gained
was rendered slight by several Brit
iSh counter attacks.
Raids on italian positions In north
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
BEGIN HERE TODAY


Beautiful ELLEN ROSSITER, q
salesgirl in Barclays DepaItnent
Store. works niGAts ~ q dance
hall hostess. She lives with her
mother. MOLLY ROSSITER, her
elder sister, MYRA, and her baby
brother, MIKE.
At the dance kali she meets ana
falls IN love with handsome
tst. Later she learns Larry IL en-
eaEed to ELIZABETH BOWEs. Z
STEVEN BARCLAY, 81 ana
owner Of barclays, 70 In love with
Ellen. without the girls knoWl.
edge her mother Invites Him 10
a,assr: norf T,,an me.sx for The
when Barclay arrives she 10 come
PEELED to be friendly. That night
he asks her to marry hin. She
refuses.
Gossip circulates at the store
AID Ellen asks to be transfoEre4
to another department.. Barclay
makes her an assistant buyer at
an Increased salary. She refuses
to lunch with Larry because Of
her new job and they quarrel. He
. comes to DFeamland that 1ieht to
apologize.
NOW GO ON WITH THE STORY
CHAPTER XXI
ELLEN had never thought Of
Larry in connection with any.
thing SO prosaic as work. TO her
he went with the gayety. the light
ness and laughter in the world. She
knew he was an artist but when
she had leased him for details Of
his work he only told her lightly
that he was not an over-zealous art.
list.
So she was considerably surprised
q few days later when he came to
Dreamland to ask IL she would pose
for him. A special show the
Shane Show he explained-was to
be held in six months. II he could
get one of the prizes for portraits
: his reputation would be made. Ell.
lens first impulse was to refuse
him. She was too busy. Surely he
could get someone better for q por.
trait, a society woman perhaps OF
an actress, someone we'll known
But he persisted. It would take
only such q little time he pleaded
II she couldn't or wouldn't pose,
then he simply would not enter the
competition. Ellen hesitated, torn
between prudence and desire. Al
last, against her better Judgment
she agreed to do as he wished.
"Ah. you're a darling to say you
will" he exclaimed IN relief and
satisfaction. II won't take much
OF your time. My studio has might
lights and things. Sometimes Il
you're not too tired We could dror
IN there after you're through here
Again the girl hesitated.
i don't want to sound like 1
prude." she said frankly, but I'm
afraid ! couldn't do that"
Seeing he was puzzled, she went
on. her clear, candid eyes on his
my mother wouldn't hear Of such
q thing-and not because she
doesn't like you. either. It's b
cause she's old.fashioned, I guess
and I'm old-fashioned, too.
couldn't go to your studio at night
without chaperon. ! wouldn'l
feel right about II.
1t would be all right OF Mon
Gays and times like that though
Myra could come then, too" shl
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

the confidence of a man a few mil
lions can make!
Copyright, 1882, NEA Service. Inc)
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
Uncorporated
CHICAGO NEW YORK BOSTON
There Must Be No Abatement

Seasoned politicians have learned
from experience that no argument in
a campaign is too insignificant to ig-
more. Too many battles have been
lost because some outrageous claim
was overlooked. One can never tell
when an extreme statement unsup-
ported by any modicum Of truth will
sway the masses and furnish real
battle-cry.
That is why the local Capital De-
tense Committee is so tireless In
meeting every contention uttered at
Jamestown by those engaged in the
most vicious campaign Of deception in
the history Of North Dakota. And
that is saying a whole lot for this
state Is not noted for anemic cam
paigus.
Citizens of Bismarck and the thou
sands Of loyal supporters throughout
the state must not abate their efforts
or neglect to answer even the most
absurd assertion.
In some ways this campaign is a
most difficult one. The wording of
the amendment upon which the peo-
pie of the state must cast their ballot
March Is is such as to deceive the
voters, as the whole drive against
Bismarck is one of deceit and OF
fraud.
Garner votes at any COST is the
hue and cry of the Jamestown racket
GERS. Hi-jack a whole state if neces-
sary to line the pockets Of few OPP
portunists Is their intent. Get votes
at any COST" Is the command, for
there are no ten commandments af
fecting or regulating the stealthy vari-
dalism of the Jamestown wreckers.
Common ethics are suspended and a
false civic pride has been aroused by
the buccaneers to hold in line sup
porters within the confines of Suits
man county. There is much sly hui
NOR exchanged on the streets of
Jamestown these days among the pro-
motors Of Capital Removal, because
they are figuring how many votes
Jamestown will get from those who
will vote yes" thinking that pos
tive rather than a negative is the
proper expression if they desire the
seat of government to remain at Bis
marck.
It is the job of Bismarck support
ers to relay to every corner Of the
state the caution:
VOTE NO.
From now on that must be the bur-
den Of our warning. The inherent in
ertia Of the voters must be overcome.
To be effective they must go to the
polls or, being unable to do SO, get
an absent voters ballot now. There
is no time to be lost.
The injury and damage will affect
every voter OF the state If the Capital
is moved. It is not Bismarck's battle
alone and that fact is generally ap-
preciated by the people Of the state
as reflected by the voluntary offers
of support from every part OF the
state.
This campaign is now in its final
stage and effors must be redoubled tt
put Bismarck's message across to the
voters who, once understanding thu
issue, will be most emphatic in voic-
ing at the polls their contempt for
the Jamestown promoters.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08
Editorial Comment

Editorials printed below show the
trend of thought by other editors.
They are published without regard
to whether they agree or disagree
with The Tribune's policies.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

lists say. But most Of us don't care to
have the four rolled into one.
X x =
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

but the day Of "Mr. Dooley." for in.
stance, seems to be done-alas!
X X 4
MIR. Dunno, Jr.
Which reminds me that every now
and then I run into Finley Peter
Dunno, Jr., who for time ran the.
ater column on New York paper anc
next appeared as press agent.
To date there has been no indica.
ton that he will follow In the foot
steps of his humorist father.
Copyright, 1892, NEA Service, Inc,
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-03-08

Charles Schwab says he Is confident
OF the future. What 4 difference In
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1932-09-30
State Will Spend
$4,000 OF County
Allotment Soon
Route From Avenel Toward
White Oak Will Be Completed
By Highway Commission

Members of the Maryland State
Roads Commission met Wednesday at
Silver Spring and decided to spend
$4,000 of the State allotment to the
county for completion of fourth
mile of the New Hampshire avenue
route from Avenel toward White
Oak, at which latter point access
to Baltimore is possible in two direc-
tions.
The commission indicated it was
considering expenditure of the bal
ance of the $4,000 allotment on ex-
tension of the Massachusetts avenue
route through the county. This would
necessitate construction of two roads,
one from Massachusetts avenue to
Conduit road and one to River road.
The commission members and en-
gineers inspected many Of the roads
in the urban section of the county.
Those on the tour were G. Clinton
Uhl, chairman; Robert Lacey, and E.
Brooke Lee, of the commission; Chief
Engineer Harry D. Williar, Assist
ant Chief Engineer Robert H. Rhine
dollar, Engineer of Surveys Shure,
and Lamar Steuart, secretary of the
commission.
Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1932-09-30
Forest Protection Has
Made New Mark In State

Forest protection forces in Mary
land have reached new and higher
mark this year, working toward the
time when adequate safety will be
provided for the welfare Of our tim
Der crop. A total of about $50 for
est wardens pushes the manpower
ahead of any previous year, but even
more significant is the recent ad-
vance in the number of registered
crews, which now comprise a total
of nearly 1000 men. Twenty-six hun
dred potential forest fire fighters
stand ready to render service and
coordinate with the efforts of look
out tower and forest guard system
which comprises 10 different units.
Each year the supply of forest fire
fighting equipment, principally rakes,
spray pumps and fire torches, has
been growing, and though it is far
from adequate for the number of
men available, there is sufficient rea-
son to believe that an appreciable
improvement should be made, over
other years, in reducing the size
of areas burned.