davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

afternoon I encountered Lew Fields
in the Astor Lobby as he sat waiting
for his old teammate, Joe Weber, to
show up. asked him what old
time Joke or gag had seemed to him
to get the biggest laugh.
well, let's see," reminisced Lew.
There was one in The Man From
Mars that always bowled them over.
And because it's SO out of date, you
may get a smile out Of 1t. You can
figure the date Of the joke when tell
you that We used 1t Just after cow
catchers had appeared on trains and
street cars. Cartoonists were drawing
funny pictures Of people being tossed
in the air and the papers had funny
stories. So we put cow-catcher gag
into an act. A straight man or feeder
came on and asked me: Say, Lew, I
hear you've got a new invention.
What is it? And my answer was:
Sure, it's a cow-catcher that first
catches the cow, milks her and then
throws her back into the pasture"
I wonder If anyone would even gig
gle II that wheeze were pulled today.
- -
THOSE COLUMNISTS
Plenty interesting, it seems to me,
is q prophecy contained in Emile
Gauvreau's scorching and somewhat
sensational novel Scandal Monger,"
which now has Broadway whispering
behind its hands. Gauvreau, an
important factor In the tabloid news
paper world, forecasts q hasty end
for the peep-hole gossip columnists
-. They are just about to pass from
the picture, he says, and he sheds no
tears for their passing, the while he
paints q debunking picture of his
chief character, who Is one of the
dirt dishers" by profession.
Well, I have known all of the scan
dial shouting lads rather well and
found them sentimental tribe, will
ing to sing nanny song for baby's
bumped nose while. mayhap in the
same column, furnishing the life of
some other infant by commentary
on the mother and father. They're
like that. :.
Having known them, I have grinned
broadly at the screen and stage char
acters built around them. To be
sure, most of the lads have done well.
They have made big money and been
paid the highest newspaper wages.
They were definite part of these
odd and interesting times. AS movie
characters, their hard-boiled adven-
turings ran second in popularity only
to gangsterS and racketeers. They
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

end Of October we may see whole
platforms flooded with the dewy
drops OF suffering politicians. The
fact that their suffering is, in the
main, strictly vicarious and that they
weep for different reasons Is beside
the point.
The Democrats work themselves
up over the deplorable state Of the
nation, and with telling effect. Their
strength is that they do not cry
alone and that they speak as fellow
sufferers, since they have not been
in positions Of major responsibility
and no blame attaches to them.
On the Republican side President
Hoover is the only one who has dared
take this attitude. There were many
comments on the fact that his voice
frequently was surcharged with emo
ton as he spoke at Des Moines.
The rest of the Republicans exer-
else their lachrymose glands by exud-
ing sympathy and compassion for
Mr.. Hoover. If all the stories based
on the idea of the sturdy captain
plotting the ship OF state through
the fog Of depression could be gath
cred together they would make a
book larger than an unabridged die
tionary.
But pathos sometimes changes to
bathos and too often the campaign
speakers make themselves ridiculous.
Also, it is questionable If the public
at large is going to weep in SYM
pathy with the presidents troubles.
1t is one Of the weaknesses Of hu-
man nature that people are inclined
to be selfish. 1t is only natural to
worry more about our own sore toe
than about our neighbours amputated
leg. The toe is much more personal.
In this case there are millions of
them and only one leg.
If the Republicans gain many votes
for Mr.. Hoover by this kind of cam
paign 1t will be a tribute both to
their artistry and to the innate altru-
ism and kindness OF heart Of the
American people.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
Honor for the Douphnut


Whether you previously have been
informed Of it or not, this is dough-
nut month.
1t has been 50 designated by the
bakers Of the nation out of whole
some respect for what certainly is q
distinctly American institution.
To say that a doughnut is merely
an article OF food or OF commerce i,
to belittle its importance in the
American scheme OF things. Romance
has been built upon no stronge,
foundation than those delectable
morsels which come from the bub.
bling grease pot, all golden brown
and crunchy. There was time in
America, before we became diet con.
scious, when no festive board was
complete without a heaptng plate Of
doughnuts.
1t has played its part in the ma.
TONS wars, as witness the activity OF
numerous organizations In operating
doughnut kitchens behind thu
trenches in France-and not 50 fal
behind at that. Maybe that is where
the phrase "doughboys" came from.
Little wonder, then, that the bak-
ers devote a whole month to its cul-
tivation and promotion, instead of
the usual week given over to COM
mercial exploitation.
Perhaps we should add to the
growing list Of things the nation
needs the item Of more and better
doughnuts."
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
# TO-DAY "a y 81
AW9IRV4EgR&SAzR4
&X&I9fG&E,.
ALLIES IN BIG DRIVE

hAAxEO IN DIN DASAVA
On Oct. 8, 1918, American, British
and French forces shattered 20 miles
of the Hindenburg defense system be-
tween Cambria and st. Quentin, adj
vancing to an average depth OF three
miles and taking thousands OF prS-
onerS.
The Americans took Brancourt and
Fremont, and, in the Verdun region,
continued the fight for the remainder
Of the Argonne forest. Franco-Amer-
lean forces advanced two miles on .
seven-mile front east Of the Meuse.
President Wilson replied to Ger
manys request for q peace parley and
armistice, asking If his terms were
fully accepted and If Chancellor Max
imiiian spoke for the people. The
president also called for evacuation
of invaded territory before recogn1z-
ing a plea for an armistice.
Copyright, 1882, NEA Service, 1nc0
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

More than six billion rubles are said
to be in circulation in Soviet Russia.
And when you figure that butter IN
Russia is So q pound, It's easy to
understand.
= - \
A recent merger in the automobile
field brought together resources total
ing $751; 100000. Just about what
father says it viii take to fix up the
old car for another year.
* X y
How would you feel II you were
Secretary Hyde, and Jim Reed
called you "the greatest farmer
of all time"?
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
By George Clark
~ TOM GILL


each rise she glanced behind her,
half expecting to see her unele's car
in pursuit. but the run to Verdi was
safely made, and an hour later the
fugitive drew up before the majors
quarters.
II quiet sympathy Aunt Clara
listened to the girls story and
when the end came, as it did inevi.
tably in a flood of tears. the older
woman put her arm about the girl
and led her into the quiet GOODNESS of
the house.
Lets worry no more, dear, about
trips to Mexico City. Instead we'll
talk about that big lover Of yours.
How did you two children decide
you were in lover"
Through her tears the girl smiled
up. That's what's called calming
the patient, isn't it,"
Don't you care what its called.
I'm giving you a wonderful chance
to talk about your Ted" She leaned
back. looking At the girl with pity
and something Of envy. "And you
do love him. don't you, dear?"
Love him? It's a. if I had beap-
waiting for just this to happen fSr
always. As if all my life before was
just kind of preparation for now.
Does love always come like that.
Aunt Clara? Does it come to every.
one like that? 1t almost seems that
to me alone this thing should be.
IL it always like that. and can one
keep It like that-like a clear flame3"
The older woman made no answer.
She may have been wondering how
to reply, wondering if anyone ever
could reply to that eternal question.
Dear" she said at last, that
word love takes me back 50 manv
half-forgotten years. You will have
to ask a wiser woman how long
love lasts or when it goes, or why.
| can only tell you that it is the most
precious thing that you will ever
know, and that the years have moth. {
ing to bring in compensation for its
loss. For that reason, my advice
would be that you see Uncle Mo.
rales and everyone else in the old
familiar place before you give 10
Ted Radcliffe. Today he is the most
talked-of human being in MI the
border country. and Verdi is for
him. to man. Bob told me-this il
dead secret-he's going to make
your young man partner. But how
did you decide to love him?"
=! couldn't help it."
She laughed. "Of course not. Il
lust came over you like pneumonia.
didn't it. dear!"
Then suddenly Aunt Clara's eyes
widened as she looked out the win
dow. She cliuckled. "Well, we'll/
have to admit the dear uncle doesnI.
let much cactus grow under his feet
Look!"
Jumping to the window the Girl
followed her gaze to see Pace Mo-
rales's car swinging down the long
winding road Of the military post
She turned to Aunt Clara with =
gasp Of dismay.
"Oh. I'm so weary Of fighting and
OF words" she sighed.
tic BE Ceatinued)
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
We Are Making History
NaMoure Chronicle)

North Dakota is making history
this week. On Saturday the corner
stone Of our new capitol will be laid
with appropriate ceremonies. It is
an occasion which may be somewhat
submerged in the minds Of the peo-
pie by the flood Of campaign news
and interest, but it is an important
event in the career Of North Dakota
nevertheless.
Fifty years, hundred years from
now when we who are here now are
in that distant land of which we
know nothing. our children and
grandchildren will be treading the
corridors Of the building which we
dedicate this week. Perhaps among
the mementoes of their ancestors
they will find a yellowed invitation
to the ceremony, tattered clippings
OF the newspaper accounts describing
1t. and pause to think of the day.
North Dakota will be proud Of he,
capitol as the years roll on. Today
some Of US regard its modernisti<
lines, and sniff scornfully OF the
grain elevator" which the commits
sion chose as the model! What II
1t does look rather like 4 glorifiee
elevator? North Dakota made It.
early history on its vast wheat fields
won the designation Of bread has.
ket OF the world" 1t would be vastly
appropriate If we had selected thai
design with such an idea In mind!
But that probably was not the MAR
consideration Of the architect MOI
the commission which selected tina,
design. The new capitol which will
rear its stately lines above the prai
RE Is in the vanguard Of architec
tural progress. North Dakota, tn
rural state from which the sons o
the wild jackass" have sprung, viii
have a statehouse which ranks IA
ahead Of the now outmoded design
among older and prouder states.
The pioneer days when men Tough
over the location of the capito
fought again over who should b DO
litical boss, have faded into the dir
past, but to those future descendant
Of ours, We are living now in wha
will seem, hundred years henc>
another pioneer day. The events {
which we think and talk now wi
be history to them. And one of tn
outstanding historical occasions t
them will take place Saturday.
will not hurt US to think Of thes
things, now and then.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

over BY the government. It = time
that q similar step was made IN the
medical field.-Dr. A. 8. Munro, van
couver, B. c., retiring president, Cana
dian Medical Association.
The government, instead Of trying
to drive the bonus army at Washing
ton back to their cities. should stake
them to a modest layout Of food and
tools and let them prospect the val
leys and hills of the west again for
gold. It's life in the open; 1t will pay
its way and it will bring more and
more gold into our treaSury.-JameS
Randolph Walker, movie executive.
It looks like the senate wants to
destroy any economy at this session.
The house conferees are not going to
yield. II the senate wants to take
the responsibility of preventing econ
omy at this session, let 1t do So
Congressman John McDuffie, chair
man Of the house economy commit
tee.
Confidence Is all that America
needs to restore it to 80 per cent
and the newspapers, which
the panic when the country's
banks were threatened last January,
can meet the situation.-Colonel Frank
Knox, publisher.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
CHAPTER L
ALWAYS a Morales has been

Always a Morales has been
lord over this land. 1t is a past one
may be proud of. For forty years it
has been in my care, and ! have
added to its acres and increased the
number of its cattle and the power
Of its name. I have made a domain
of this land, . desert kingdom, yet
today am not content. l had
hoped when the time came for me
to Join my fathers that I should see
you with children and q husband fit
to become master here"
THAT is hardly the right order,
uncle" she smiled up at him. But
I think I understand you. You are
going to tell me Ted Radcliffe can.
not be fit husband for a Morales"
His eyes refused to meet hers.
II would go farther. would say no
American could be. Their ways are
not our ways. And yet, too, l will
confess the fault in part has been
mine. One forgets how the years
pass. To me you are still a child.
l have jealousy kept you at my side,
not realizing that here 10 no one
worthy of marriage with you. One
forgets. 1t was wrong that you
should be kept here at home on the
border, among poems and half.castes.
and American adventures. ] should
have kept you longer in Mexico City.
Already you are more American
than Mexican. That was the fault
of your hot.headed father. But that
is over"
A spot of color glowed dangerous
~ in the girls cheeks. "Uncle. aren't
you taking . very long way Of say
ing that you don't want me to marry
Ted?"
do l seem to be saying merely
that? No, chiquita. what I am really
saying is that you will never, never
so long a. l live. marry Ted Rad.
cliffe."
For . moment the girl looked
steadily into his fixed eyes. Then her
own eyes flashed. She stood before
him, with little clenched hands.
"You tell me thate6 And I tell
you, ito milo. that if there is one
thing l am sure of in life. it is that
l will marry him. ! will be his il
/ must give up everything l have
ever known-if it makes me an out
cast, poorer than your driven poems.
So you waste your time and mine
in useless quarrels that hurt Us
both, and do nothing more. 1t is not
fair that l. who am a woman, should
be told that ! shall not marry. for
say to you now and for always, l
will"
For a time the old Mexican sal
brooding before the girl. He seemed
to be considering something family
amusing. At last he said: "Whc
shall say? And yet l rather doubt
that you will marry this American
since it is my wish that you leave
for Mexico City tomorrow morn.
ing"
She was past pleading now. Fol
answer she laughed. Uncle. hav.
no least intention of going to Mexico
City. either tomorrow or mex
month"
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

"No1" The thin lips of Morales
frightened. Then you have twenty
four hours to revise your intentions.
In the meantime keep to your room.
Jito will drive you to the station in
the morning. You forget. think,
that you are in Mexico. Now leave
me-"
Head held high, she left him, but
her hands were still clenched. and
once in her own room she threw
herself on the bed and gave way to
storm of tears. They were more
of anger than of fear. those tears,
yet to her came the thought that
everything Morales threatened he
had the right and power to do. They
were, as he had said. in Mexico. 1t
lay wholly within his power as
guardian to send her wherever he
chose. Slowly the sobs died. She
lay on her bed, chin in hand. and
looked resentfully out at the bright
morning. Once. in Z frenzy of grief
and anger. her little FIST beat upon
the pillow and hot tears started to
her eyes. From beyond the window
she heard the passing Of = horseman.
humming Spanish song of love and
fate. Suddenly the thought of sepa-
ration from Ted. Of living exiled
from him, even for . time. became
intolerable. For the next half-hour
she lay outstretched on the bed,
brooding. planning. and at last she
tiptoed to the door. just outside she
heard someone breathing and knew
that already her uncle had set a
guard over her. She was a prisonerl
Again her eyes flashed In rebellion.
Kicking of her shoes she tiptoed
back to the window. Nothing moved
outside the big hacienda. Her road
ster still stood by the gate, and now
she suddenly smiled. Quickly she
threw off the light silk dress and
slipped into . travelling costume.
Again she listened at the door and
heard the soft breathing of her
uncle's servant outside. She walked
to the window and leaned out The
patio and yard beyond lay empty in
the glittering sunlight. Tricky on
both sides of the window the old
wisteria chung to the stucco walls.
Softly she raised herself to the low
window sill, Hand over hand. very
gently, she lowered herself, then
reached down with one slender leg
until she found Z resting place in
the gnarled vine. In less than q
minute her foot had touched the soft
grass beneath. and in another in
slant she was running down the long
path toward the tall black gates.
She looked back. A peon lounged
beneath the eucalyptus. Toward the
corrals a dog lay. lazily scratching
in the shadow Of the wall.
She was through the gate now
and. vaulting into the seat, touched
the starter. The hum of the motor
broke the desert silence and a mo.
ment later she was speeding for the
open road.
i The revolt against Morales had
begun.
j Once she gained the broad Verd;
road the mile posts flashed BY. A,
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
ally wholesome and healthful.
copyright, John F.. Ollie CO..
I'M
IZl:III
70 TX
NEW FIRST NIGHTER
\ VII van

NEW FIRST NIGHTER
New York, Oct. 8.-Notes from q
convenient cuff: Looks as though Po-
lice Commissioner Mulrooney might
become New York's official first
nighter, now that Jimmy Walker has
been blotted from the civic picture. (.
You'll see him at all the important
openings. And I'm told he's a
shrewd critic as well as a theater
fan. While keeping one eye open
to the trend of the drama in case
any moral issues are brought to the
police. ;.
Broadway doesn't expect Acting
Mayor Mckee to join the first night
ranks. A scholarly fellow, this new
mayor attends only a few shows a
year. And usually waits until the
performances have been smoothed out
by q long run. The other day he
was asked about his own experiences
in the swanky night resorts frequented
by the late "our Jimmy" It
seemed that Mckee had gone one
night with small party to the Gen.
trail Park Casino, one of Walkers pet
rendezvous. and that the bill came to
s26-for ginger ale! Which still
rankles the acting mayor
= Y X
A COUPLE OF WHEEZES
Ray Perkins mails in this one: 1.-THE
European conference wants the United
States to cut its standing army down
to sitting position" And the other
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
PathOs and BathOs

Political campaigns are merely re-
Elections Of their times and that Of
1882 may go down in history as that
of pathos and bathos.
The tremolo stops are pulled all
the way out on the voices of cam
paign orators and we already have
heard more pathetic notes sounded
in this campaign than in any other
for many years. Shedding public
tears is rapidly becoming major po-
litical accomplishment. Both sides
ore practicing the art and by the
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
THE BUSINESS OF BREAKING
DOWN FLESH

The jolly, solid, wholesome looking
young woman who conducts q sue
cessful beauty establishment came
staggering from treatment room,
painting and perspiring and fell Imply
into seat. From the room had come
for twenty minutes sounds as though
a couple of tough girls were having a
lively bout with six ounce gloves.
MY dear, what has happened?" In
quired an anxious aunt.
Nothing, nothing" painted the pro-
prietress, sagging YEARLY down upon
her back. Just a reduction treat
ment."
But, why under the sun? You
don't need to reduce, child"
mo, know it, but have to. These
fat danes must have their massage
and pounding to break down the
flesh, you know"
Now that the diet fad is on the
wane, q good many Of our parasitic
class are going in for reduction by
physical methods - massage, baths,
electricity. pretty lights. etc., these at
tentions being guaranteed to break
down the superfluous flesh or fat or
to melt or soften 1t somehow so that
it can be readily absorbed" or caused
to vanish.
A lot Of people in the moronic grade
believe that some kind OF mysterious
soap or salts or other ingredient Of
a bath will reduce or aid in the re-
duction Of superfluous fat or flesh.
To the millions of morons IN this
country the beauty experts unblush-
ingly promise either reduction or "de-
velopment" Of any part of the body
to which the simple minded dupe will
apply this or that salve or similar
connection.
II this sort of humbug were per-
petrated only or mainly upon the lazy
parasites I'd applaud the game. for
I like to see such people outsmarted
by their intellectual superiors. But,
alas. the racket derives its support
largely from poor little factory hands.
shop girls, stenographers and sales
girls. These have to work hard for
their wages, and it seems scandal
that the fake reduction business Is
sanctioned here in Dollarland.
can state as an absolute physio-
logical fact that no massage or pound
ing, manual or mechanical, no rubbing
or vibrating or compression or other
manipulation or passive movement
will appreciably reduce or increase the
size or development Of any part OF
the human body. No fear that this
will be contradicted, because 1t is an
absolute fact.
I can assure every interested per-
son that any loss of weight produced
by any bath or any method Of apply
ing heat is merely the weight Of the
water evaporated in the sweat and
by the lungs if the treatment pro-
duces painting. This loss Is invariably
made good within SO hours by the
intake Of water in food or drink.
Finally I can state without fear Of
competent contradiction, that thu
only means by which satisfactory ane
healthful reduction can be procured
In any case Is rational dieting, with
daily exercise suitable to the individ-
ual condition, and, in certain cases
special medication by the physician
to correct glandular or internal secre'
ton deficiencies.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

were literally plugged and press
ACCENTED into eminence. And this may
be largely because one Of the first Of
their number was an ex-variety player,
who used many Of the showman's
tricks. II, as Gauvreau says, they are
through-well, they've provided q So
cial chapter. And they really are
pretty nice eggs.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08

Nicaragua, Costa Rica. Guatemala
and Honduras have celebrated their
l1lth anniversary Of independence.
And isn't it about time for another
revolution to free them?
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
PERSONAL HEALTH SERVICE
BY William Brady, NJ. D.

Signed letters pertaining hygiene to
diagnosis treatment will
addressed envelope enclosed Letters written
ink No reply be made queries
Address Dr.. William Brady, in newspaper
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1932-10-08
Editorial Comment

Editorials printed below show the
trend OF thought by other editors.
They are published without regard
to whether they agree or disagree
with The Tribuns's policies.
Evening star., 1932-11-28
STREET FLOOR
(M) Wool Blankets

Four pounds of fine virgin
wool in each of these 72x84
duo-tone blankets. Satin
bound and reversible. In
pastel color combinations to
match any color scheme,
in the bed room, each. $4.95
THIRD FLOOR