The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-01-14

i
the weather calendar which measures
my spring wanderlust, it must be July
the 18th. And while you're thinking Of
something to be thankful for, be
grateful it isn't 40 below today, or
Harland Jones' thermometer might
burst again, or Doc Broadwater might
get his face frozen from an all-night
trip to visit some patient, or some of
you might have to spend an evening
at home.
Get Some Credit, Anyway
Among my many fan mail letters
this morning was the following from
G. HOWE Stops, Of Squatter's Cor
ner, District No. 8:
Dear Scoop:-I read your column
regularly by borrowing my neihbor's
paper, like a lot of others are doing,
and have become ashamed of myself. /
intend to subscribe, as all good citi-
zens of the county should do. A lot
| of people may criticise your column
but I'll give you credit for not bring
| ing up the old petrified wisecracks.
There are still some people who tell
| Jokes and make wisecracks on SUBJ
jects such as these, and slow torture
is too good for them: Noah, Jonah,
| Florida, st. Peter, Scotchman, saXo-
| phones, prohibition, pedestrians,
mothers-in-law back-seat drivers,
husbands getting home at 200 a. M,
| absent-minded college professors, but
tons in the church collection, men
looking on the floor for collar-but-
tons, ladies not wishing to tell their
ages and plumbers forgetting their
| tools. I'm glad you are steering clear
of these.
Thanks, HOWE. Bend over again
sometime.
Sometime when you are in an es-
pecially good humor I want you to
come to Archibaldson's house and take
a shower bath. If you are still in a
good humor when you finish, nothing
can throw you from the pearly gates
of optimism.
Pardon the personal experience of
bathing, but you should know that l
lather myself we'll at stated periods.
And what is more annoying than to be
we'll lathered and just in the act of
stepping under the shower to once
more become revealed in birthday
clothes when the spiggot goes burgle,
burgle, slup, ar-r-r-up, and you know
that either Mrs. Archibaldson is draw
ing water for the dishes or Archie
himself is filling up the furnace boiler.
The most you can get out of the spig-
got in times like these is pfut, pfut,
drop-pfut, pfut, pfut, drop-with a
whole lot more pfut pfuts than drops.
To rap on the pipes would be very
tactless as nothing delights Archibald
son more than seeing me surrounded
by suds, foaming at the mouth, wait
ing for the fountain of youth to spring
again from the sprayer.
Another delightful feeling is to be
under the shower with the proper
mixture of cold and hot, and to have
the hot spiggot opened wide down.
stairs. But Pm getting bids now from
Plumber Stemple on the cost of in
stalling a sprinkling cant large size)
with an automatic tipping arrange
ment. Then when Archie or Mrs. Ar
chic get smart, I can still remove the
suds-regardless.
They say there is some contention
among the Owls and their wives. A
lot of them don't seem to want to
dress as Amos and Andy's.
The community Christmas tree has
not been taken down because Jim Ker-
ins who is one of the committee says
it might grow if left there long enuf.
Some people as a result are now ac-
cusing Jim of laziness.
There was a rising tide on Water
street the other day but the good ship
"Lawanorder" seems to have come
thru the gale with colors flying.
Betty and Andalusia the gold dust
twins of Harned's drug store are now
engaged in counting pills this week.
They seem to be suffering from inven-
toryitis.
Another reason why the radio will
never take the place Of the newspaper
is that the newspaper never fades in
the middle of a hot story.
I'm going to send The Democrat an
enlarged card with my name on it so
the next time I'm mentioned in their
locals they won't spell it Hantz.
Shame on you, Eddie!
Mr.. lotfelty, from McHenry, says
there are some hired men who whistle