Evening star., 1932-12-11

van Roosevelt, Win the ufu1dilS uIlueI
Chief Curry of the Tammany wigwam
for Manhattan-and anything else he
could get.
The scene disclosed a wigwam on the
stage and Chief Curry, on hearing q
cannon shot, remarked to the other
Indians, including John McCooey and
John P. O'Brien:
THAT shot came from the direction
of Albany"
Previously the Indians had been in
formed that strange Dutch ship was
In the river, and as the orchestra be-
gan the accompaniment Of 1.-THE Dutch
Cadets" from 1.-The Bourgomaster,
the Indians huddled apprehensively and
q band of explorers marched in singing
"Stand aside-We're Democrats.
How our hearts rejoice.
Bosses and aristocrats
Hearken to our voice.
We bring something new to YOU
Underneath our hats.
Though we don't know just what
We'll do,
We are the Democrats"
The leader of the explorers exclaimed:
ST am Franklin van Roosevelt, and this
is the Democratic East, West, North
and South Exploration Company. We're
exploring the country to find out what
1t is all about"
Ship Half and Halt"
Asked by McCooey If they came in
Hudson's ship, the Half Moon," then
Roosevelt replies: "No, we came In
our own ship, the 'Half-and-Half.' y"
Chief Curry, intrigued by the name,
learns from van Roosevelt:
'"The ship was named after an old
Democratic custom. Half Of US want
to do one thing, and half another" To
this McCooey retorts: Just like us
Indians-half of us wanted Smith, and
the other half didn't want Smith-and
look what we got"
Then van Roosevelt presented some
of the ships company: Admiral James
Baruch, Able Seaman Hiram van john
son and Bos,n Louis McHenry van
Howe.
McCooey remarked: 1--WE heard of
your cousin, Theodore van Roosevelt,
jr.," to which van Roosevelt retorted:
"You won't hear any more"
Van Roosevelt announced he in
tended to take possession OF the en-
tire continent. but Curry insisted he
could not hzlre Manhattan without the
Indians consent. Curry said he was the
chief and this was the Tammany wig
wam He represented the five tribes
of the five boroughs. -
"Oh, yes" said van Farley, "the i've
tribes-the Mohawks, Onandagas, Onei-
das, Cayugas and Senecas."
NO" replied Curry, the Murphys,
Olvaneys, McCooeys. Currys and
O'Briens"
For Manhattan Explorer van Roose-
welt offered to trade "the finest line Of
campaign promises you ever saw" He
exhibited handful of glass bead neck
1aces and other ornaments to the In
dians. as so many campaign promises;
"a farm without mortgage, man
without a note, bank without q
frozen asset and home without a
worry"
"Ffrewater" IL Exhibited.
The Indians were visibly impressed, but
still not satisfied until van Roosevelt
offered a promise of "repea" and ex-
hibited bottle of "firewater"
1.-The country is yours" Curry finally
agreed.
A mellow-drama, Away Down
South" showed a group Of deserving
man and woman Democrats back at
the old homestead, which turned out
to be the Nations Capital on March 4,
1888. "Hooey" Long finds mortgage
on the old homestead Of twenty bill
lion"
why, that's almost what it was
when we were here before with Cousin
woodrow" remarked Col. Julep, who
said, mortgage or no mortgage, "tt's
great to be home"
To Julep's admission he desired to be
Secretary of Agriculture, Aunt Dixie
retorted he didn't even know the price
of corn.
"On the contrary, madam" replied
the old Southron. Il can tell you pre-
cisely. The price Of the best corn Is
S. gallon"
Uncle Yarner came on the scene with
an attendant, who said his patient was
forbidden by order of DR.. Farley to use
his vocal cords save in certain locali-
ties. Learning this was Washington
the attendant said:
Sorry, no go. DR.. Farley's orders
forbid Mr.. Yarner's using his voice In
New England, New York, the Middle
West and the City Of Washington"
post Office, whereat Yarner became vio-
lently excited and had to be led away
THAT word, post Office just sets him
crazy" the attendant explained.
Tariffa, fat girl, entered shrieking
THAT awful Pat Harrison" she
complained said he was going to
knock my Smoot of"
Julep thought she would look better
with it of.
Concern Of Tarif3a.
Tariffa became concerned about her
parentage, demanding to know from
Aunt Dixie who her father was. She
was told Of a rumor that man named
? Alexander Hamilton was her sire. but
there was some vagueness as to his
identity. Finally it was left to Cousin
I AL who entered, but did not explain
Z but said. instead, In perfect Third
avenue Southern accent:
How I love the dear Old South
land, just like love Cousin Franklin
. All, here I see my beautiful ward
Tariffa This is your Uncle Al, who
took you up at Houston ana mace yol
respectable in our family"
Tariffa complained Of pain In my
ad valorem."
: Aunt Dixie consoled her with the In
: formation q mice doctor from Albany
was going to give her some painless
reducing pills"
. Tariffa lamented, but Cousin AL said
q Now let's look on the record. You
Uncle Franklin says he's going to re-
duce you so as not to hurt anybody
and if anybody can perform that feat
it's one who could carry AZ State!
without"
Just then a moving man rushed II
( with orders from your Uncle Frank
lin" to "bust up a lot Of them useless
bureaus"
But Uncle Julep marshalled the fam
1ly.
GO back" he said, land tell Uncle