The Coolidge examiner., 1932-09-30
New Fable of the
Flapper Feud
g
By GEORGE ADE
G. 1892. Bell syndlcate.-wNU Service.

RID on the new KIND or Bus
which is helping the Zinc Elizabeth
to make a Joke out of the average
Passenger Train. This Conveyance
looked like a Battle Ship with
Wheels. 1t breathed Blue Smoke
and made a Noise like Niagara
Falls, and when it came surging
along a rural Highway the Chickens
would beat it for behind the Barn
and remain there for Days.
The Traveller, who had planted
himself in one of the springy Seats,
had a couple of fresh Magazines in
his Lap and counted on finding out
how all of the Butterand-Egg Men
started as Weed-Pullers and got
their Kale by hiring Employees who
were too dumb to steal. Like many
other Readers, he was keen for
these Confessions of the Successful,
little suspecting that most of the
Strong Arms who have taken it
away from the Common People, hide
their Black Jacks and Masks after
they become Bank Directors and
after that, want to talk about Paint
ings, and the Opera.
He had just started to eat up
thrilling Piece entitled, How it
feels to be Red Headed" when his
Attention was directed to two Pearls
of Young Womanhood planted di-
rectly across the Aisle.
CIaudine's Porous Eats.
They were Regulars and had over
looked Nothing. They were clipped
high and had been dipped in Flour
and had large Rolling Eyes and
wore One-Piece Gowns which did
not seem to be securely fastened.
The exposure included a long YER
tical Stretch Of Shine-Bone.
This Traveller had no Desire to
pry into the Secrets of these Cuties,
who probably came of Refined Peo-
pie, no matter what they looked
like. He was no Eavesdropper, In
terloper or Buttinsky. If he could
have kept out of their Confidence
he would have done so. But his
only Chance would have been to get
Off the Bus.
Because he could not help him.
self, he heard the whole Story, in
volving an undramatic Prologue, a
treacherous Betrayal, Scandal and
Dirt, Plot and COunterplot, the dis
solution of Friendships and the
bust-up of Loves Young Dream.
That is to say, he got it in a Cen
eral Way. Some of the Intrigues
were bit turgid and the Details
became jammed In the Talking Ma
chinery, but, as nearly as he could
gather it up and sort it out and un-
ravel ii, here was the whole Seismic
Disturbance:
Everything had been o. X. be-
tween Edna and Claudine up to the
time of the Picnic. 1t must have
been, because the two of them
packed in the same Basket, and it
was understood, from the Begin
ming, that they would eat with Ray
mOnd and Ollie, but nothing was
said before the Picnic about Claud-
ines Boob Cousin from Springfield
who was nothing but a Ringer and
had an Appetite like Horse.
1t wouldn't have been so bad If
TIn,,Itna thrnY1uh Ltffx-
Fifty, but she was always looking
for a Chance to make Splurge
with somebody else's Chow. For
one Thing, she didn't bring any
Pickles or Thousand Island Dress
ing, after promising, and her Sand
wiches were so thin the Sun could
shine through them. Just the same,
she told Everybody where to sit and
let on as if it was her Party, all
the time telling Edna what to open
next.
Elmer the Goof.
All of that Rough Stuff at the
Picnic might have been forgotten if
she hadn't traipsed all over Town
the next Week telling Everybody
that Edna had told Alma that Ray
mond was going to be Captain of
the Basket Ball Team instead of
Elmer. Always trying to start
something. Her Middle Name was
certainly War. Edna had told Alma,
right in front of the Public Library,
it it might have been more in Front
of the Service Garage, that she
hoped Raymond would be Captain,
because eryone knew he was the
best player, but she hadn't even
mentioned Elmer's Name and
wouldn't have, for the World, becuz
she had always been friendly with
Elmer and liked him, in Way, even
If he was a Goof to look at, but
Anybody who said that Elmer had
any License to be Captain of the
Team must have Mush in the Coco,
to say the least, coming right down
to 1t, as far as that's concerned.
1t was Funny Thing that Claud-
inc would knock Raymond the way
she had and then go out to vamp
him. And get away with it! Right
from the Start Claudine had misrep-