The Coolidge examiner., 1932-11-25
Fable of Almost
Deserted Village
g
By GEORGE ADE
90. Bell syndicate)-wNU Service

n NCE there was q Prairie Town
" called Maple Heights because
over toward the Crick there
was a Knoll nearly eight feet high.
1t was just one of those Places that
have kept the Rand McNally Co. in
the Map Business. II the Trains
stopped there II was largely from
Force of Habit or to cool off and
not because there was any pros
pect Of important Freight or Pas
senger Traffic.
A Filling Station reared a gaudy
Front where once the Hitch Rack
smiled. All of the human ProtOZoa
of the Village knew Bill Hart, Bebe
Daniels and Tommy Meighan by
their Front Names, and nearly every
Yokel knew how to measure him
self with a string and send to a
Mail Order House for a whiz-bang
Suit with diagonal Pockets such as
are worn by the Undergraduates at
Princeton.
For a long Time the Residents of
the Settlement stuck close to Home,
seldom venturing into the great out
side World unless there was Dol
lar Excursion. They regarded Maple
Heights as a fairly accurate Repro
duction of the Garden of Eden with
the Snake left out.
n
Buggy standing at nearly every
Front Gate 1t was not considered
safe to venture more than fifty Miles
from the Fireside No one had an
Urge to pick up and migrate be-
cause good old Maple Heights was
supposed to be a Crown Jewel in
the Diadem of one-horse Dumps.
Most certainly no one had ever
dreamed of wearing a Straw Hat
and two-piece Lisle Suit right in
the middle of January. Until the
Propaganda was floated, Cold Wealth
er was popular. A popular Song at
the meeting of the Literary Society
on Friday Evening was Jingle
Bells" Rabbit Hunting was held
to Be a Sport of Kings. Who want
ed anything better on a Snappy
Night, when the Snow was crunch
ing underfoot, than to camp along
side of large and active Base
Burner. until one side was barbe-
cued and then shift around until the
Other Side was done?
The long Arctic Period Of every
Year was enlivened with Taffy Pulls,
Oyster Suppers and Revival Sery-
ices. To shovel Snow was regard
ed as one of the Penalties of being
connected with the Human Race.
The Folks had heard the Hymn
about a Place where never-ending
Spring abides and never-fadlng
Flowers but they figured that only
| the Church Members would ever
visit the Locality and they would
have to reach 1t via the Cemetery.
Maple Heights probably would
have continued TO wear Red Flannel
II
and Ear-Iaps for all Time If it had
not been for Henneberry Kilgore
He was a retired Farmer who owned
Frame Residence on Second
Street and was a Ring Leader in
the Croquet Set Nearly ten years
ago he helped TO make Discovery
which threatens TO revolutiOniZe the
Social Routine of America. He
learned that If he didn't burn any
Coal In the Winter he could save
enough Money To purchase two
round trip Tickets to Florida. Mr.
Kilgore also figured that If he could
rent his House TO the new Superin-
tendent of Schools he could get n
Monthly Income which would pay
the Cafeteria Bills of Himself and
Drusilla while they were soaking up
the Sunshine in what someone with
Streak of Originality has desig-
mated as the Palmetto State.
When the Kilgores started. the
proposed Journey seemed almost as
important and hazardous as a non
stop Flight 10 Madagascar. All the
Neighbors came down to see them
off. They had two Shoe Boxes full
OF Home Cooking. The whole Thing
seemed adventuresome and extrava-
CANT.
The Low Cost of Fordino-
Very soon the tantalizing Bullet
ins began to arrive. On one of those
Sausage and -Buckwheat Mornings,
when the Smoke went straight up
and there was a general Discussion
as to how far below Zero it really
was. then all of the Friends would
receive Post Cards showing Miles
and Miles of Orange Groves in
Golden bloom or Alligators doing
| in the Warmth or a Vista of a Sum-
mer Sea beyond the Avenue of trop-
ical Palms Also snapshots of Hen
neberry Kilgore holding up Fish.
These are the Influences which Un-
dermine Civilization and convert
Strong Men into Weakllngs.
The Kilgores came back full of
that Conversation about the Sun be-
Ing on the job every Day and the