The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1932-11-18

high Price, very beautiful Regalia
suitable for one who is going to at
tend Dinner Dance at the Ritz.
After they got Link into the N0bby
Outfit 1t would be unfair to tell you
that he looked different If he ever
appeared at the Gates of Heaven in
the Masquerade Costume there is a
Question as to whether or not Saint
Peter would have identified him from
the Description which had been re-
ceived in Advance.
Quite Question arose as to where
1t would be necessary to have a
Preacher and ii was customary to
break into Church. 1t just happened
that Link had not attended Church
for something like matter of %
Years and he had no Sectarian Affili-
his Wife happened to think that one
of his Aunts had been Methodist,
so they fixed it up and had the Meth
odist Minister come over and he looked
at the Remains and secured a few
Data from the Bereaved Helpmate and
by the time he got through Link was
almost Methodist in Good Standing.
The Pastor and the Undertaken told
the Widow that it was customary, If
you wanted to have a real Swell Flu
neral, to have some singing and that
a good Soprano who was guaranteed
to usher the Departing Soul right in
to the Blissful Beyond would bring
about so Dollars.
Links Wife said that nothing was
too good for Him so they hired near
opera Singer and she did three Obli-
gatos at the church, her Idea evident
ly being to let them know in the
World Beyond that Link was on his
way, because she certainly was Loud.
Fortunately Link could not hear her
and did not know what it cost, so ev-
erything was all right.
Roping in the Relatives.
1t seems that the Importance of a
Funeral nowadays is gagged by the
Number of Motor Cars which follow
the Motor Hearse out to the Cemetery.
All you have to do to get Motor
Hearse is to buy it and use it once
and then give it back.
Links wife wanted the Funeral to
be Real Success so she engaged all
of the Automobiles from three Ga
RACES and had them lined up in front
of the Church, so that all of the
Mourners could get Free Ride out
to the Cemetery, with the result that
great many People who never had
heard of Link rode out and stood be-
side the Open Grave and cried like
Children.
We must not overlook the fact that
Death Notices had been inserted in all
of the Newspapers nearby and that
Mrs. Link had sent for Links Broth
er, who lived five hundred miles away
and had paid his Railroad Fare and
had bought new Suit of Clothes so
that they would let him enter the
Church. All of this helped to whoop
the Expense Account but there is one
time when Sentimental Woman will
not balk at Expenses and that is when
she is planting the Beloved.
1t certainly was most successful
Funeral. Links wife sent Flowers in
her own name and in the Names of
all of the Relatives who were not pres
ent. Link looked simply wonderful in
his ballroom Costume and the Preach
er talked about him until almost any,
body could believe that Link amounted
to something and the Soprano did her.
self proud and the Parade was about
four blocks long and the Assembly out
at the Cemetery looked like Mass
Meeting.
After it was all over, the Widow
neld a Consultation with the Children
and checked up on the Family Budget.
They had no Assets in sight but there
were quite a number of Bills.
The Widow said, by way of Expla-
nation, at looks as though we would
be broke for the next twenty years,
but you must admit that we gave Papa
quite Send-Off."
MORALE people are overlooking
you, die.