The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1932-11-10
Fable of the Almost
Deserted Village
By GEORGE AIDE
20. Bell syndicate.)-wNU Service.

in the Map Business. If the Trains
stopped there it was largely from
Force Of Habit or to cool off and not
because there was any Prospect of i'm
porta.nt Freight or Passenger Traffic.
A Filling Station reared gaudy
Front where once the Hitch Rack
smiled. All of the human PROTOCOL
Of the Village knew Bill Hart, Bebe
Daniels and Tommy Meighan by their
Front Names, and nearly every Yokel
knew how to measure himself with
String and send to a Mail Order
House for a whiZ-bang Suit with dag
onal Pockets such as are worn by the
Undergraduates at Princeton.
For a long Time the Residents Of
the Settlement stuck close to Home,
seldom venturing into the great out
side World unless there was Dollar
Excursion. They regarded Maple
Heights as a fairly accurate Repro
duction of the Garden of Eden with
the Snake left out.
Even after there was Smoke Buggy
standing at nearly every Front Gate it
was not considered safe to venture
more than fifty Miles from the Fire
side. No one had an Urge to pick up
and migrate because good old Maple
Heights was supposed to be Crown
Jewel in the Diadem of one-horse
Dumps.
Most certainly no one had ever
dreamed Of wearing a Straw Hat aid
q two-piece Isle Suit right in the
middle of January. Until the Propa-
ganda was floated, Cold Weather was
popular. A popular Song at the meet
ing of the Literary Society on Fri
day Evening was Jingle Bells" Rab-
bit Hunting was held to be Sport
of Kings. Who wanted anything bet
ter on Snappy Night, when the Snow
was crunching underfoot, than to
camp alongside of large and active
Base Burner, until one side was bar
becued and then shift around until
the Other Side was done?
The long Arctic Period of every Year
was enlivened with Taffy Pulls, Oys-
ter Suppers and Revival Services. To
shovel Snow was regarded as one of
the Penalties of being connected with
the Human Race. The Folks had heard
the Hymn about Place where never
ending Spring abides and never-fad-
ing Flowers but they figured that only
the Church Members would ever visit
the Locality and they would have to
reach 1t via the Cemetery.
Maple Heights probably would have
continued to wear Red Flannel and
Ear-Laps for all Time if it had not
been for Henneberry Kilgore. He
was a retired Farmer who owned
Frame Residence on Second Street and
was a Ring-Leader in the CroQuet Set.
Nearly ten years ago he helped to
make Discovery which threatens to
revolutionize the Social Routine of
America. He learned that if he didn't
burn any Coal in the Winter he could
save enough Money to purchase two
round trip Tickets to Florida. Mr..
Kilgore also figured that if he could
rent his House to the new Superin-
tendent of Schools he could get a
Monthly Income which would pay the
Cafeteria Bills of Himself and Dru-
silla while they were soaking up the
Sunshine in what someone with
Streak of Originality has designated
as the Palmetto State.
When the Kilgores started, the pro-
posed Journey seemed almost as i'm
portant and hazardous as a nonstop
Flight to Madagascar All the Neigh
bors came down to see them off. They
had two Shoe Boxes full of Home
Cooking. The whole Thing seemed ad-
yenturesome and extravagant.
The Low Cost Of Fording.
Very soon the tantalizing Bulletins
began to arrive. On one of those
Sausage and Buckwheat Mornings,
when the Smoke went straight up and
there was a general Discussion as to
how far below Zero it really was,
then all of the Friends would receive
Post Cards showing Miles and Miles
of Orange Groves in Golden Bloom or
Alligators doing in the Warmth or
Vista of a Summer Sea beyond the
Avenue of tropical Palms. Also snap
shots of Henneberry Kilgore in his
Shirt Sleeves, holding up Fish. These
are the Influences which Undermine
Civilization and convert Strong Men
into Weaklings.
The Kilgores came back full Of that
Conversation about the Sun being on
the job every Day and the coolest
Morning they had all winter being just
nice and snappy. It was evident that
they had been Sold. They began to
line up the Converts. Within two
Winters so many Retired Farmers
were heading South along about
Thanksgiving that the demand for
Shoe Boxes could hardly he supplied
Those who formed the Habit put in
all Summer telling about the Great
Times they had down yonder all Win
ter They were hard to put up with.
A romantic Visit 20 the Southland
ceased to an Adventure and threat
ened to become one of the Necessities
Of Life Especially when the Boys
came back with new Idea. They
had seen the Tin-Canners all the way
from Jacksonville to the Keys. giving
the Laugh to Hotels, Roomng Houses
and the High Cost of Living in gen.
.,a,, hol e. do rrnk n