Montana labor news., 1932-06-30

have selected Chicago for their conventions. Perhaps it is because Chicago
treasury to pay its schoolmarms, policemen and white wings.
For the information of my readers who know nothing about Chicago,
let nj say that it is located OF the banks of Lake Michigan. Most of the
banks re washed out, but the lake is still there. The municipal hymn of
Chicago is 81 Know That My Receiver Lives"
The three leading citizens of Chicago are ex-Mayor Bill Thompson, who
ran King George out of the country at the battle of Bull Con-Al capone,
who at present is held in a federal position at Atanta-and Mayor Cermak,
a native of Czechoslovaka, where he wished he had stayed.
The population of Chicago is around three millions, two of which wish
they could depend on charity but can't The remaining million makes a
living serving on juries and working for the Community Chest
Among the principal industries Of Chicago are eviction, foreclosure, and
conviction, closely followed by homicide suicide, and the one-way ride.
Chicago is also known a. the headquarters of the International Har-
vester Company that used to sell farm implements to American farmers.
During the recent Literary Digest poll on prohibition, Chicago voted
81 per cent for 2h per cent beer that only onehaf of n per cent can
afford by the time they get it. Otherwise, Chicago is wet-an over.
1t is cheaper to move than pay rent in Chicago because the police move
out the furniture free of charge, and the Communists move it back again
for the fun of it.
Hijacking is still on the upgrade in Chicago, but in spite of the in
creased turnover, gross incomes have fallen to the extent where cops may
soon be compelled to bowl their own On the other hand, there is a
marked Improvement IN the moral tone of the city since the street-waKes
are getting to weak to walk.
Just now Chicago is feverishy engaged in making preparations for the
coming World Fair. Judging from the looks of the 16 nonunion car
penters at work o. the worlds fair grounds, it looks like malaria fever.
So taking it all in all. I'd say the promoters of the national conventions
OF tn W grand old parties have acted in strict conformity with the eter-
nal fitness of things by selecting Chicago as the seat of their hysterical
gatherings
But htl here goes a bl-hop with ice cubes and ginger ale. MY new
instinct tells nj there is a bottle and a statesman concealed behind yonder
door. | was wrong. There were two statesmen and half a gallon. So
what position will the convention take o the unemployment problem"
The unemployed problem" replied the Senator, stirring the contents
of his glass with a lead pencil, dis n of the deepest problems of or
age. The cure for it, however is obvious. It is work. If more people
"4MN "J' eS "o"pu pe ieNe unemployed. IL al worked, there
would b IN at all Is that clear to you? The convention will therefore
he continued, adopt a strong plank in favor of more work. 1t will point
with pride to those who still work. 1t will view with alarm those who
are out OF work 1t will exat the dignity of toll, and proclaim the divinity
OF ealouses. 1t will assure American labor a place in the sun, moon and
stars-snow, wind and rain. It-say Jake, considering that we paid only
five bucks fr a half gallon of this red-eye, it isn't half bad" Jake said it
wasn't half bad. "And now turning to me, that the unemployed prob
lem is happily disposed of, what else do you want to know"
What else want to know replied, ais how YOU ar going to find
work for the ten OF twelve million that haven't any work now?p
THAT" comes back the Senator, sis a mere detal-may I say a pettv
deaEthe solution of which is early rising. Experience has demonstrated
those who apply first fOr a job usually get it. The trouble is that
SO fey O u jobess seem to remember that it is the early bird that gets
the worm If all o them would arise early enough and get there first
all would have jobs, hey Jake?" Jake said they would.
And now with the unemployed problem definitely and finally eliminated.
what viii the Republican party do in the way of farm relief, Senatorn
An, the farmer" replied the Senator, stirring the contents of his fifth
glass with a lead pencil. "He is the brain, brow, and backbone of the
the seadfast friend of the farmer. 1t is the original farm relief party
1t relieved the farmer of his foreign market. 1t relieved him of most of
ms domestic market 1t relieved him from paying income taxes. 1t re
heved him Of his mules, cows, pigs and horses, and it relieved him Of his
farms In fact, Republican farm relief has reached the happy status where
additional relief becomes lost notion"
AT this uneture the ben-hop entered with the information that the pen
temen in Room 345 were waiting and for the two statesmen to bring
the cards and bottle when they came.
Dear folks, this is the first interview 1 ever had with the kind of people
who select the presidential candidates for is to vote N. Reading the thing
over, it sounds pretty fierce to me- But the Stage-Hand said it wasn't any
worse han tn material l had to work N, and that besides. that Senator
had interviewed was only a fouth-cass postmaster, SO to let it go.