The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1932-07-08

Is your marriage going on the
Il rocks? Explain the major trouble
to Jane Jordan and let her advise
you before it is too late.
Dear Jane Jordan-rm married
woman q years old and have two chill
gst along Just fine at times. Then all at
once We md ourselves in a big quarrel
winch almost always starts over some
and say hateful, mean things which We
are sorry for afterward
I never stay angry for long and al
ways am the one who has 70 make up.
think my husband is most unreason-
able. He Will have his way II he knows
he is wrong and that surely makes me
angry, l feel as II I never wanted TO
He never leaves the house except for
work and doesn't want friends or neigh
bors. l want company. but We seldom
visit anywhere and never do we have
company any, get SO lonesome ! am
so9So soSs exc pe nave meals on time,
case like this2 TROUBLED.
Dear Troubled-A wise man once
said there should be two bears in
every marriage-bear and forbear.
The higher your degree of self con-
troll, the better you are equipped for
the great task of matrimony.
1t is an odd thing that marriage
so often breaks over the little day
by day annoyances and conflicts.
whereas in big troubles the partners
stand solidly together.
When the home is threatened by
a major disaster, it calls out tbs
finest and most courageous side of
the welded pair. Why, then, will
this same pair squabble like cats
and dogs over issues that do not
amount to a row of pins?
The reason seems to be that each
one makes too much of the trivial
thing that we call our self-esteem.
Everybody goes
a b u seeking Mountain
proof of his own
significance. He Made OF
wants the actions MoIoh;u
of others to boil NOlehih
ster up his feeling of amounting to
something.
When the other steps on his
toes, instead, casting his wishes,
prejudices, and opinions aside as if
they were nothing, he flares up in
angry self-defense.
If the husband wants a window
opened, because the ar is cooler
and the wife wants it shut, because
sitting in a draft gives her a cold,
the pair really are not quarreling
over the window, but are battling
to establish their personal prestige.
Which one amounts to the most in
the house, anyway? Don't 1 pay
the bills?" shouts the husband.
Don't I have to live in the house"
cries the wife.
What has become of the mutual
consideration that marked the happy
days of their
Where is courtship? Where
is the anxiety to
COurtshlp please which each
Courtesy? t exhibited ted before or
won? "She is mine now" thinks
the husband, II can ignore her
safely" HE is mine now" thinks
the wife, 1T is not necessary to
humor him"
The reason your husband wants
his own way is that your capitula-
ton makes him feel important. If
you could succeed in making him
feel like somebody" by praisin2 him
for those of his accomplishments
which you have come to take for
granted, you could ease up his need
for asserting himself in matters of
no moment.
If only he knew he was person
of consequence in your eyes, he
wouldn't feel the necessity to force
that fact down your throat so often.
OF course this goes double.
If you could learn to put your
husbands wishes
before your own, Soft Reply
your example u7;u 49,,
might awaken WIN AuIH
decent impulse on Awav Anror
his part to do the
same thing for you. After 1000
years of human experience, it still
is fact that a soft answer is the
most effective method of turning
away wrath.
1t is a mistake to cut off all con-