The Coolidge examiner., 1932-12-02
Fable of the Cor
rupting Influences
g
By GEORGE ADE
N9. Bell syndicate )-WNU Service.

MICE there was tall-brOwed
~ soclologist, a Statistical Shark
and a card-index Hound who
wanted to find out why so many
Mortals wander from the Straight
and Narrow and run afoul of the
Law. Instead of investigating the
Miracle of Anyone complying with
All of the 5000 harsh, restrictive
measures passed by mush-head leg
islators during the last Ten or SO
Years, he elected to prepare a wise
Magazine Article and point out the
particular and definite Causes of
Delinquency.
SO he went to a Jail where a lot
of hardened Offenders were Gagged
up and proceeded to quiz them and
get their Life Histories and find out
why they had turned out to be
Tough Nuts instead of respectable
Rotarians.
In the first Call he came across a
rather good-looking Young Chap
who wore a Blue Sweater and was
pulling at a loud-smelling Fag and
seemed rather bored, not to say an
noyed, TO find himself under such
unpleasant Duress.
what have they got on you?"
asked the Scientific Researcher.
"They say I'm a Stlck-Up Guy
and Hijacker. but I've been Framed"
was the courteous Reply. when
ever anything rough is pulled the
Bulls have to hang it on TO some
Patsy with a Record. | happened
to come along and they pinched
me-"
Humble Beginning.
81 should like to inquire as to the
Circumstances leading up to your
present unhappy Predicament, said
the Investigator. Tell me some
thing about your Environment dur
ing the Formative Period"
Il came of an Outfit that was
hard-boiled," replied the Juvenile
Crook. The Old Man was a Bar
Fly and all the Training | ever got
from him was to keep my Guard
up and duck Right Hand Swings.
Mothers Conception of keeping
House was to put Something on the
Stove and let it boil for Hours and
Hours while she read Love Stories
to be continued in our Next. AS
you know, a Woman who is keep
ing Track of a dozen Serials deal
Ing with the Divine Passion and
the Eternal Triangle. cannot spare
any Time for her Family. We lived
in n Dump back of the Switch
Yards. | did not see a Tree until
was Eight, but | owned a pair of
trained Dice when | was Six. No
one ever gave me any Moral Guild
ance
MY first definite Ambition was
to kill a Copper. The Drag Net
Got me while | was in Grammar
School and | learned In the Police
Court that | was a Gangster. Since
then | have been arrested every
time ! spit. Now I'm booked for
a Stretch just because | went out
for an Automobile Ride with some
Buddies who had sawed-off Shot
guns in the bottom of the Car, to
be used in Case they were inter
fered with"
Exactly as | surmised," said the
Visitor. You are the Innocent Vic
tim of Heredlty and Evil Influences.
The only Reason our Malefactors
want 10 Malefact is that they have
been denied access TO the ethical Re
finements of Modern Civilization"
The next Inmate to claim the At
tention of the Seeker After Truth
needed only a Clean Shave and
White Tie to make him look like the
Valedictorian at a first-rate Theo-
logical Seminary. 1t seems that he
had been yanked up for Swindling,
Forging and Kiting Checks. He
looked as honest as Henry Ford and
his Blue Eye was very candid and
the Investigator knew that here
was a Bird who would have gone
Straight if he had been given a
Chance.
The Big Reason.
"Was your Male Parent Soak or
did he just go on n Bat once in
While?" asked the Student of Grim
inology.
Father never put his Nose into
anything harder than Buttermilk,"
was the Reply. "He had Side Whis-
kers hanging straight down. passed
the Contribution Basket and is said
TO have been the first Reformer to
hit upon that Happy Expedient
known as the Eighteenth Amend
ment."
Then we must hang it all on
your mother. To what kind of
Frivolity was she addicted that she
should have failed to keep Tab on
the Offspring?"
"You are not guessing well today.
The dear old Mater lectured to
Clubs on the Training of Youth.
She came of Massachusetts Fam