The Coolidge examiner., 1932-12-30
The Fable of the
Vacation at Home
e
By GEORGE ADE
g by Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate.
WNU Service

g by Mcclure Newspaper Syndicate.
wNU Service
NNCE there was a Business
" Slave whose much Better Half
was all feyerish TO pick up
and go as far South as the Tickets
would carry them. She had been
reading those Palm-Tree Ads which
show an improved Garden of Eden
decorated with the Idle-Rich until
she was fair Cuckoo. This Woman
had lurking Desire to see her Pic
ture In the Rotograyure Section
camera-shy Celebrities wearing that
ruddy Facial Tint which can be ac-
quired only in the Locker Room of
a high-class Country Club. She want
ed to go where Night was turned
into Day and Day was turned into
Massage Treatment. She wanted
TO step out. Such are the Cold Facts
in the Case.
Now this Typical American Hus-
band was disposed to give Sweetie
everything In or out of Reason, but
he was sitting In a Game Of High
Finance in which no Player dared
to look out of the Window or wipe
his Spectacles, leave alone taking a
long journey. She was afraid to 60
alone, for fear that someone might
take her for widow and want to
dance with her. She could not dig
up a Female Relative or AcQuaint-
ance who wasn't either too Staid
and Conservative or else short on
Snappy Wardrobe. Besides, Party
of Two Persons when both are act
ing as Chaperons never did develop
any Excitement so the whole Situa-
tion was very dark.
Imported Atmosphere.
The Provider knew that she was
moping over the Prospect of being
penned up in a $4,000 Prison, with
only four Servants to wait on her
and no Place to go except Theaters,
Moving Pictures, Musicales, Bridge
Parties, Receptions, Dog Shows, Art
Exhibitions and Auction Sales of
Antique furniture. So he tried to
frame up a Scheme to give her right
at home, some of the celestial De-
lights of which she was being cheat
ed on account of his selfish Ambi-
tion to avoid going into Bankruptcy.
When he had laid all of his Plans
he divulged them to her as follows
He said 1t was out of the Question
for them to think of traipsing off
to the Tropics. but he had fixed it
so as to give her most of the Thrills
which she would get almost any
where between Jacksonville and
Panama.
Listen, Honey" he began, II
have arranged with Mr.. Wilgus of
the Wilgus Floral Company to get
the use of their large Conservatory.
We can sit under the high Dome and
be entirely surrounded by Palms,
Rubber Plants and Orange Trees.
The Temperature will be well above
Ninety. so we can wear the very
lightest June Stuff, including the
Sailor Straws and White Shoes.
When we get thoroughly Steam
heated and are surrounded by all of
that equatorial Vegetation, the Illu-
sion will be so convincing that we
can very well imagine ourselves to
be away off yonder In the dreamy
Southland which is now just as
dreamy as any Boiler Factory you
ever listened to-"
"You are certainly mapping out
a Gay Time for me-" said the Skep-
tical Missus. "What would be the
big idea In sitting under a lot of
sheltering Palms for Hours at a
Timer"
Fish, Jazz and Bell-Hops.
You forget" he reminded her.
You forget that about once an Hour
you would retire to small Apart
ment furnished with a Pine Bed
stead, two Chairs and a Calendar
and make a complete Change of
Costume, clear down to the Rig
ging. l have arranged to build into
the Hot House an accurate Replica
of the usual Bedroom at the typical
Tourist Hotel. i have even gone
so far as to order a Cake of Ever
lasting Soap and alter the Plumb
ing so that the Tub can be filled the
same Day. may have some trou-
BILE in locating any Mosquitoes, but
If they are to be had, you will get
them. Also, the Setting will be so
contrived that, by looking in any Di-
rection, you will see Stuffed Fish.
In the Semi-Distance, half concealed
by the luxuriant Growth, will be
Window Dummies draped In late
and expensive and exceedingly brief
Gowns of the most summery De-
scription. You can see what nv
Thought is-to provide you with
every possible Reminder of an over
crowded Carayansary at the Height
of hectic Season."