The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1932-11-07
BY ELIZABETH CLARK

By ELIZABETH CLARK
NNCE the news leaks out that
~ you are going TO have baby,
you might as we'll draw deep
breath and brace yourself against
a descent of the clan and a goodly
number Of the clans friends
They will sweep down upon you
chockful of good advice. The my
dear, you musts" and the poor
child, you shouldnts' will fly and
along with them breath-taking re-
citals of the raconteur's accouche-
ments.
The only thing to do is to listen
amicably, but not too closely No
one will care a jot that you are fol-
lowing doctors orders, and that you
are taking these company imposed
memoirs with several grains of salt
and taking them off as so many
"Old Wives Tales"
Prenatal Influence TO Fore
There will be, for instance, the
passionate believers in prenatal in
fiuence. These are divided into two
groups-the calamity howlers and
the advocates of beautiful surround
ings.
To take to heart the tales of the
first group would send a fearsome
woman into nine months of prac-
tical Incarceration.
They tell the story of the baby
who looked like a monkey because
her foolish mother stopped one day
to give penny to an organ grinder.
Another favorite is the fiction that
lays unsightly birthmarkS to a
passing Observation-Disclosures screaming
its way to fire.
They warn against movie thrillers
and detective yarns, because you do
not want to raise you boy to be a
gunman. Every deformity they
have ever heard of they trace back
to some scare received by a prospec-
tive mother.
It's All Balderdash
Doctors are agreed that all this
is so much balderdash. Your own
physician no doubt will tell you
that nothing mother sees can
mark" her baby.
And about the worst thing you
can do is to hide yourself in the
house without fresh air and eXer-
else, and forecast awful things be-
cause a beggar at the door startled
you or mouse poked his head out
Of the cupboard.
The ladies who drag you through
the Metropolitan galleries of sculp-
ture so that your offspring will have
a Grecian profile and who quote
cases of children who turned out
geniuseS all because their mothers
soaked themselves in art and music
and read nothing but the classics
may be just as far off the track, but
they are much more pleasant COM
pany.
Art if You Want 1t
1t certainly won't do any harm to
fill your house with objects dart, to
throw out drab and wornout what
nots, to buy a flock Of good records,
to tune in only on symphony con-
certS, and to sit back and hope for
an infant Mozart or Rembrandt.
When your child shows signs OF
approaching the arts" you can be
pretty SNUG and explain to admir-
ing callers, That's my doing, be-
cause" and on through the after
noon.
It will be, in way But you can
put it down to the environment into
which he was born and in which he
is growing up, unless the bibelots
are stage properties rented on
nine-month basis. Prenatal influ-
ence deserves no part of the credit.
Exploded Superstitions
You will have to sit in on the
narration of a lot of other eX-
ploded superstitions, about what
you should or should not do, what
you should not wear.
If you have listened well to your
doctor you can smile at the solicit
tous warning, Remember, dear,
that you have two months now to
feed" as auntie registers distress
when you refuse a second serving OF
roast chicken and all the traditional
trimmings.
You know that that is just an
other old wives tale that refuses to
be downed.
Your physician has told you that
your sweet little baby is at present
only a parasite that will take what
it wants ano not one bit more.
What he does not want only adds
to your plumpness, flesh that you
do not need, and, furthermore, flesh
that you know you are going to
struggle like the deuce to lose with
the first welcome yell from your off
spring.
Next: How to look smart and have
q oood time while chewing doctors