Evening star., 1932-04-10

Thurston of the Philadelphia Record.
The Shadow, over a loudspeaker,
asked for a solution of THE Billion
Dollar Mystery" in which John Digges
Taxpayer, master of Babbitt Manor, was
found "just around the corner" suffer-
ing from a busted budget" Ogden
Decimal Mills, his uncle, and Charles
Hooey Hilles, the butler, learned of the
tragedy from RoundSman Jim Watson
and called in Inspector Garner of Blar-
ney Yard and his aide, Sergt. Rainey
to work on the case, when suddenly the
battered victim rushed in showing High
Finance, Hold-up Bonus and Stick 'em
up Farmer ahead of him. At the point
of a gun he herded them all together,
including his Uncle Ogden, Garner and
Rainey, pronouncing them all guilty.
A messenger interrupted with tele-
gram from Representative F. H. La
Guardia advising John Taxpayer that
all his troubles would end if he would
simply give everybody everything with
out taking anything from anybody"
why the laughter?" snorted John
Taxpayer at his captives' mirth over
this advice. THAT plan is just as
feasible as most Of the remedies you
have prescribed Maybe I'll try 1t. II
1t doesn't work can change the name
OF Babbit Manor to Mortgage Manor
and live on my debts"
Marine Band Plays.
The motley brood of Mother Goose
came dancing upon the stage to music
supplied by the Marine Band.
The Gridiron Club takes us tonight
to the fantastic land of Mother Goose,
where the entire population of the
United States, and the Government
have been living for the past decade u
1T was announced by way of preface
We have discovered who Mother Goose
is-she is the great American public
and here she is"
1--WE have all gathered here tonight to
speak our little pieces and sing our
little songs about Wall Street, the bus
mess depression and how to cure it
Let's Begin
Then came the verse:
Democrats, Democrats, where have
you been?
We've been to Moscow to look at Lenin
Democrats, Democrats, what did you
there?
La Guardia made us give Garner the
air."
Children" continued Mother Goose
listen to the sad tale of Goosey
Goosey Garner"
The chorus sang:
''Goosey, Goosey, Goosey Garner,
Whittier whittier, do you wander?
Upstairs, downstairs, in the Lower
Chamber,
Upstairs, downstairs, in the Lower
Chamber,
There he met voter, who asked him Il
he was dry,
Take him, take him, take him by the
left leg,
And sock him in the eye"
Then came these verses:
There was a poor voter. and what dc
He lived upon nothing but victuals and
drink.
Victuals and drink were the chief OF his
diet.
And now he has neither and cannot
keep quiet.
Republican voter,
If I've neard true,
Was the Strangest fellow
That ever knew.
He asked for a panic
To keep him awake,
And said he liked Hoover
Better than cake.
He'd rather drink soda
Than Bourbon and ice.
He ate up a wage cut
And said it was nice.
He stayed in the market
Until it fell through,
And he'll vote the straight ticket
In the year '32."
Chorus Chimes In.
The chorus chimed in:
"Rockabye, Hoover, on the tree top,
When the wind blows the market will
drop.
When the boom breaks the prices will
fall
Down will come Hoover, Curtis and all.'
Mother Goose contributed:
"Old Mother Hubbard went to the cup
board
To get her poor Dawes some stocks.
But when she got there the cupboard
was bare,
And so the poor Dawes got Knox"
What about the Governments prize
boob'-the Department of Agriculture
and what about the farmer?" asked
Mother Goose, and her chorus, dancing
about in circles, chanted:
1.-The farmers gone to hell,
The farmers gone to hell
Higho, the cherrio, the farmers gone to
hell"
well, children" added Mother Goose
cts time to go to bed, so you are all
excused until the Stock Exchange opens
on Monday morning. Good night"
Of the stage danced the nursery
rhyme notables, singing Dear Old
Queer Old, Mother Goose"
Until now announced a member
"the Gridiron Club has resisted every
effort to have 'Gunga Din recited al
its dinners. But the pressure has be.
come too great. We have succumbed
and tonight we present an up-to-date
version of Mr.. Kipling's famous poem.
Tommy Atkins thereupon recited:
why way back in 1880
Politics they say was dirty
An a 'undred years amt brought us
much reforms.
So in language just as phoney
Wen find the old bologny
When in June they resolutes the two
platforms.
Why men followed party banner
In the days O. Bryan an Hammer
An shouldered O. torch an marched
in file
But when now our radio screeches
Well, we knows they're maxim speeches
An there's better Jazz in turnin' O. tht
dial
so it's Votes, Votes, Votes,
Poles an Russians, Greeks an Firms
Serbs an CroatS,
Vote 'em early, vote 'em late
An for Gods sake vote EN- straight
It's the good old Army game
Get the Votesl"
Calamity Jane Stars.
What was announced as "a thrilling
romance never before shown on an,
stage, entitled the Claim Jumpers, OF
Calamity Jane Democracy's Predica.
ment,' revealed Calamity Jane behint
the bar Of Ye Bucket of Blood Ic,
Cream Shoppee Of Campaign Gulch.
Hard times, such hard times.' sh,