Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1931-06-16
The Once Over
PRESIDENT TwIrCHELL's BACcALAUREATE
BY II. !. PHILLIPS

PRESIDENT IWtlCHELLS bACCALAUREATE
Gentlemen Of the Graduating Glasses: You have
completed four years OF study in dear old Gowanus
and are now about to so forth to carve a career in
a cold and practical world. You could not have chosen
a more inoppo-tune time for the undertaking. Were
the college alive to its responsibilities It would keep
you here another year or two until the outlook be-
comes a little more cheerful. Those OF you whose
parents still have money face no Immediate terrors,
but my heart goes out to the boys Of 1881 who must
find a way to make a living without delay.
There are times. and this Is one Of them. when I
have my doubts whether / am carrying out q neces-
sary college function or merely contributing to the
unemployment situation. For four long years. gentle
men. you have been preparing yourselves to take part
in the battle OF life, and now when you are ready
to cast off your initiated sweaters. put away Your
meerchaum pipes. abandon your ukuleles and leap
into the fray what do you find? An armisticel
1t has been my custom on this occasion to say that
the world is calling to you. Today I frankly admit I
hear nothing but static. And even that IS negative.
Some OF you gentlemen have studied with the idea
OF a career in business, trade and finance: more's the
pityl A new recruit in these fields is at the moment
about as indispensable as a bicycle bell on The Spirit
Of st. Louis" Some Of you plan to enter the medical
profession, and for you I can only hope there are peo-
pie who can still afford to be sick. Others will go
forth TO be engineers. lawyers. chart makers. book
reviewers. Tom Thumb golf attendants and radio
crooners. a truly depressing outlook.
But as I stand here adding to the overproduction Of
gas. nothing tears at my heart like the realization
that in this graduating class there are. as always. a
certain number Of boys destined to become bond
statesmen. I can imagine no field where the prospect
is so bleak, unless IL be in the business Of designing
neckties for Mahatma Gandhi. When I think Of a
young man trying to sell securities in these days
60 weak all over.
Lest I seem too gloomy, let me say that I am aware
there are some members Of this class for whom the
immediate future is not dark. They viii, I know. get
work and 20 on to fame and fortune. ! refer TO the
students who during their college years have shown
ability as s~outhpaw pitchers. radio tenors and dance
orchestra leaders.
Come what may, however. your years here have not
been wasted. You have absorbed certain invaluable
things that will be a satisfaction throughout your
lives. Don't ask me to name them. That Is my story
and I am paid to stick to 1t. I pause and call at
tention to our outstanding graduates. Where are
they standing? And how much arc they out? Let us
not be material.
Ano so, gentlemen, l WISH you luck as you 30 out
into the world. You Will need it. And if you have en-
joyed this hour you may write station WXYZ and
ask for a tube OF Weemish's Nail Polish. I thank you.
ONCE AGAIN. y A LITTLE SLOWER.
II am fascinated by the childishness, the charm.
the beauty Of American women" said his Imperial
Highness the Grand Duke Alexander. II was first
fascinated forty-four years ago. It was in Shanghai,
China-but no. wait-wait till the publication Of my
memoirs"
No @ant to hear it now
" Very well, listen. They may be cowboys in the
morning, riding horseback in the park and al. but
in the evening they are Observation-Disclosures
because they are clever enough to be that most i'm
portant thing. truly feminine Interview in New
York Journal.
Somehow It still isn't quite clear.
Jess Sweetser. famous golfer. has reentered Wall
Street. What the average investor would like to know
IS whether it IS all right to use a sandwedge to get out
OF the market.
A worry room" has been set aside in the White
House. We hope strangers are not allowed TO look In
when the President is having his daily fret.
Iceland. says a dispatch. has no army. no navy, no
national deficit and practically no unemployed. But
It is still Iceland.
ID