Evening star., 1931-12-13

hsraSSeC ano nSCRled s0muBUrdLOn
And fnally-oh, greatest of boonsl-we
will pick the candidates and show how
both sides can be elected"
At the close Of the program President
Hoover, as oecreed by tradition, was in
Nted to express his own views on pend
ing issues. He accepted, but. as re
porters are never present" at Gridiror
dinners his remarks must 60 unpub-
lished The only other speaker of the
evening was Samuel G. Blythe, who was
president Of the Gridiron Club 25 years
ago.
The dinner opened with the discovery
that the crash of stage, with which
Gridiron dinners additionally are
opened, had been lost
When the presiding officer remon-
strated, a member explained:
Mr.. President, I'm sorry, but we
couldn't find single crash. They have
all been used up on the New York Stock
Exchange"
Then the crash occurred.
But wasn't that a CraSh?' asked the
president.
No" responded the member. That
wasn't our crash. That was the popular
response TO President Hoover's proposal
to increase taxes
Smith Sorry for Hoover.
The stage was magically converted
into the top Of the Empire State Build
ing, The orchestra played softly THE
Sidewalks Of New York" and Al Smith,
wearing a brown oerhy, cigar in mouth
and carrying cane, sauntered upon
the stage.
TITS nearly midnight" i" he said. THE
others will be here soon. It's a swell
night, No static tonight on the raddio.
AS sure as I am Al Smith, I like to
stand on top Of this building Poor old
Chrysler! His building looks pretty
small over there. l like to stand up
here and feel sorry for Chrysler-and
Hoover"
Leaning over the rail and pointing
he continued: Look at the lights of
Manhattan down there. Over there is
City Hall, where Jimmy Walker stays
when he Is not travelling or testifying
And look!-there's the Tammany wig
wan"
Al went on in the strain of the old
Oaken Bucket:
"How dear TO my heart are the scenes
Of my childhood,
When from a high building I find
them in view.
There's Oliver street and the engine
house near IL,
With all of the fremen my infancy
knew.
"The buildings of Wall street, the bripht
lights Of Broadway,
The cops and speakessies and tene4
nents tall;
And, center Of everything, there is the
Wigwani-
Old Tsmmany's bucket collects from
them all!
"The old Soak-'em bucket, the silver
bound bucket,
The old whitewashed bucket collects
from them all!
Roosevelt and "AT' Confer.
Jouett shouse, John J. Raskob James
NJ. Cox, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Cordell
Hull and John w. Davis arrive for a
conference. The much discussed rela-
tons between Smith and Roosevelt we're
brought 10 the attention of the audi
ence in the following dialogue:
Roosevelt-Before we confer I want to
have little private talk with Gov.
Smith.
Smith-AH right, Gov Roosevelt You
gentlemen excuse us for a moment.
RooseVelt-It's fine night, Al.
Smith-Yeah, it's a fine night, Frank.
Roosevelt-Beautiful weather.
Smith-F1ne!
Roosevelt--Fine!
Smith-Fine!
Roosevelt-Nice to see YOU,
Smith-Nice TO see you, too.
Roosevelt-Greatl
Smith-Greatl
you7
smith-Good. How's everything with
you? '''
Roosevelt--Good!
Smtth-Good!
Foosevelt-Well, so long, Al.
Smith-So long Frank.
Roosevelt-So long.
Smith-So long
Roosevelt TO others)-Gentleman we
can go ahead now. There were a couple
OF Things Coy. Smith and had 10 settle
FIRST
smith-Yeah, a couple.
Jefersons Ghost Stalks.
When the Democrats threatened TO
break up in row over prohibition the
ghost Of Jefferson stalked into the group
and recited:
''I am thy fathers spirit,
The Ghost Of Thomas Jefferson,
Doomed for a certain time to walk the
night
Until you Democrats cease quarreling.
A weary walk I've had. I long to rest
Az Monticello, but I'm doomed to walk
TIL q Democrat again sits in the White
House.
Perhaps the time is ripe, but not II you
Keep on as you are doing. List!
The herald Of the dawn-Charlie
Nicholson, the Democratic
rooster!
tRooster crOwS)
Perhaps it Is an omen. must away.
But take my warning or it crows in
vain
Don't let the rooster turn into a goose
Or the mule become a jsckass!"
What a nerve!" exclaimed Raskob.
as the ghost departed. Nobody invited
him"
One by one the visitors departed, leav-
ing Smith alone.
And that's that" he said. with
nothing settled, there is still a chance
What's this Monticello or Montichello,
anyway? A dark tomb! Why, look
(pointing over the railing, Away down
there somebody's turned up a bright
light in the Tammany Wiewam, and,
bless my soul! it winked at me just
then"
King Fess Tempted TO Resign.
The scene shifted to King Fess'
throne room. The chairman OF the
Republican National Committee, as
King Fess, attlred in royal raiment and
wearing his crown slightly Titled, en-
tered with Robert Lucas, the court
crier; Senator James Z Watson, in er-
mine and velvet. and Senator George
II. Moses, wearing the cap and bells
costume Of the court Jester. In his
conversation with Watson and Moses
the King grew angered, and said.
II am tempted to reSign!"
Whereupon Watson congratulated him
on his remarkable strength, which eE-
sbled him TO resist temptation.
Lucas reported that all the recent
elections, with one exception, had gone
against the Republicans.