The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1931-05-21
SCOOPS COLUMN
By SCOOP--HIMSEI.F

! 49,
been sleeping upside down since Mon
day. I've gotten my powder mixed
with "cleanall", a pulverized sub
stance for removing specks from win
dows and guaranteed to keep moths
out of moth balls; I've combed my
hair with the nail file and used the
scrub brush to settle the curls; I've
been unable to find my pajama coat
since Tuesday but there's dirty dust
rag in the room of which have my
suspicious; my love letters have been
ri1ed; I've stumbled over the mis-
placed chairs three times daily; I've
cleaned my teeth with skin balm, and
shaved with P. and G. soap; I've tried
to find the electric cord to my lamp
without success; I've slid to home
plate twice over the waxed floor, and
from the way things look a whole
baseball game has been played there
because last night I found in the
room a pitcher and a catcher.
Underneath my basketball uniform
in the bottom of the cloths press
found my most passionate pair OF
socks, lost since March 8, and which
had caused me to point my finger &C.
cusingly at my brother-in-law Archi-
baldson, as he also wears size IL
However l want it distinctly under
stood here and now that l get along
better with my brother-in-law than
Kurtz of McHenry, or Lish Of Beth
lehem get along with theirs. There
are no pick handles or even garden
tools around Archie's house.
1 hope Mrs. Archibaldson soon gets
the curtains up so I can dress in the
evening without pulling down my
blind. And l hope she picks or
Archie's room next. He's had it COM
ing to him for some time.
~~%
Society Note-Mary Ann Small
the girl in the back office, was absent
from work on Monday morning due
to sunburned tonsils received in look
ing at the Empire State building in
New York, and other edifces of state.
ly grandeur. She and about Is 9th.
ers from Oakland were B. and O'ed
all over New York on the excursion
***
Social hint from Oakland's society
matron-Never spit on the foor-it
might leak.
I've been told a lot of times that
don't say anything in this column
and I admit it, and that ought tt
make it unanimous. If it doesn't
the anonymous letter I received this
week ought to-that is, if you car
make it out.
In case the readers cannot, l will
tell you that he meant to say
talked all the time and said nothing
After reading his letter am con
WINGED of the following: admit thai
1 write my column, and even if l dom
say anything, people are able to un
derstand the English language. Nov
here is the undersigned article, wore
for word:
"Mr. Coop, Did you ever hear {
chip munk sitting on log. l suppose
1 know you konw for sure What die
he say? Talking all the time ant
saying nothing. When it comes anc
the real blue or it could be red, HI
takes for his hole he said, "He didn''
said" Zig gag general nuisance, chip
munk. l thank you for wishing me
good luck, the same to you"
Anyone deciphering the code will
please call at my office next Monday
and write next weeks Scoop Column
If the fellow who wrote the letter will
present himself in person he can have
the honor himself.
$50
At the Junior Senior prom last Fri
day at Oakland High, during inter
mission number of awards were
made to the most studious, the bes
looking, etc. All came forward to re
ceive their gifts except the mos
popular boy and the most popular
girl. Those two were out looking fol
the moon. Such popularity must b.
deserved.
Bill Gibson's orchestra practices ar
getting to be very popular. An ad
mission charge would probably elimi
nate this. When William "alias Jo'
Brown" Gibson laughs you cal
see his tonsils flap back and forth lik'
gills on a fish. If he ever gets sicl
and the doctor wants to examine tn
contents of his stomach all he will
need to do is to open his mouth ant
the doctor can see clear down int
the transverse colon. Bill will neve
have need for a stomach pump.
no Vo,, KnoIr, That