The Waterbury Democrat., 1931-03-07

You never heard tell of an auto. mobile driver falling asleep at the wheel if he had a live wire sharing the seat with him.
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 A proud father in New York passed out new pipes when his wife gave birth to twin boys. suppose some people will say that's a lot of calobash.
 ty..4, o--O-o AND so IT GOES m Goodbye winter, hello spring, Coal is getting low, We'll say goodbye to the coal man Then the ice man gets our dough
 o-O-o The pessimist is the man who merely failed in his efforts to become an optimist.
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 A Chicago husband claims his wife thought more of the living room fern than she did of him. Well, I suppose the fern was home every night or something like that.
 The United States is not . war ring nation, increased sale of mili- tary brushes notwithstanding.
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 Things are always looking up when we're lying flat on our backs.
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 The man who makes a good living from chickens realizes that it pays to feather your nest.
 o-O-o Just remember this, you can't eat your cake and still have a slim fig ure.
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 TEE, HEB. Skeletons once rattled, From out dear fashions door, But skirts arc getting longer, We'll sec the things no more.
 o-O-o The girls have changed. The only wall flowers you see to-day are on wall paper.
 Strange things may happen. Soon we may read an ad like this: "He's only an aviator, yet he has athletes foot.'
 O-O-o It begins to look as if the price of peace for America Is the cost of the soldier bonus.
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 Peter B. Kyne says flag wav- CTS never go to war. Mebbe not, but you've got to have some body to wave 'em.
 o-O-o Now we can expect Edgar Lee Masters to write another book, this time proving there was no such thing as Uncle Toms Cabin, Eliza, the ice, Little Eva, Simon Legree or the cotton plantation quartet. There is plenty of virgin soil for Masters to spade.
 HIGH SCHOOL PRoF-"What is a triangle?"
 WISE FLAPPER-"A love affair in which two men and one married woman are involved"
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 so IT GOES I'd put my tire chains away, My heart was freed of woe, Then sOrrowfulIy I got 'em out, SNOW!
 o-O-o I suppose the bootleg joints around town have this for their motto: "The customer is always tight"
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 Men who live to eat general ly don't live so well after they pass forty.
 o-O-o The chap who took snuff in a pinch found the cop objecting to the display of nasal gymnastics. Then there was the wide awake salesman who sold sleep ing garments.
 o-O--o The selection of East Mountain as a site for the municipal golf course Is merely another victory for Charley DeBisschop.
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 Help! Now they're putting zipper fastenings on mems pa- jamas, 50 you'll soon hear a guest on arising. say. "I'll be ready in zipper."
 o-O-o Feel sorry for the liquor consumer who was so sore at prohibition that he wouldn't let his eyes water.
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 The man who grows a wis., dom tooth before reaching the age of wisdom doesn't show very much. does he?
 o--O-o The lamp of knowledge is gen. orally filled with the oil of deter imitation.
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 The gal with trim ankles Is generally in trim.
 o-O-o suppose the wives will soon start egging their husbands on for a new Easter hat.
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 YOU DON'T SAY He asked her hand in marriage, Then Venus heaved Q sigh, Sine had no arms and hence no hands So love just passed her by.
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 The explosive type of work man. says Papa Waterbury, should not be permitted to ham dle dynamite.
 o-O-o The farm board seems to have bored the farmer. that's about all. from my way of milking.
 o-O---0 This concludes our series of broad casts for the week. They came to you over DBD and were sent by the Waterbury Democrat. pioneer in this type of newspaper work. We are signing off at this time. to be back on tho air again Monday eve- ming at the uEual hour.
 o-O--o Good night.