The Bismarck tribune., 1931-09-21
WHY IS MANI

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In beautiful garden: but there must
have been a mistake somewhere, be-
cause Adam, the first man, mort
gagged his homestead to the devil and
went to his wife's relations to live.
Then he raised Cain. Cain slew
Abel and went forth into the land
of Nod to see what other devilment
he could get into. Ever since that
time the question has been asked,
why, oh. why is MANI"
Eve was made originally for
Adams express company, but Adam
got jealous when she tried to pose
as q snake charmer. and declared it
was her fault that the mortgage on
the farm was foreclosed. After los
ing the Garden of Eden. Adam grew
shiftless. He let his whiskers grow,
began to chew tobacco and refused
to 20 to church. His male descend
ants haven't improved very much
since-so why, oh why. is man?
Man that is born Of woman is
crooked when he stands straight. He
is born helpless, and often remains
that way all his life. He comes forth
like q shadow, and when he gets to
be 18, rants around as if he was the
whole show, and doesn't know any,
thing until he forgets what he
thought he knew in the first place.
Oh, why is man? He isn't-more
than half the time-and for the most
part he isn't that often.
Man comes into the world without
his consent and leaves 1t against his
will, but that is no reason why he
should act like a donkey. During his
stay on earth his time is spent in
one continuous round Of contradic-
tions and MISUNDERSTANDING. In his
infancy he is an angel; in his boy
hood he Is devil; In his manhood
he is a fool So why is man?
II he raises a family he is a sim
pleton; If he raises small check he
Is q thief; il he raises your ante he
is q gambler; If he Is poor he is in
competent; II he is rich he is dis
honest; il he is in politics he Is un-
patriotic; If he goes to church he
is q hypocrite; If he stays away he
is a sinner; if he donates to charity
he does it to show off; II he doesn't
he is a tightwad. So why, oh why
Is man?
When he first comes into the
world, everybody wants to kiss him;
when he goes out Of it, they all want
to kick him. # he dies young he
had q great future before him; if hi
lives to old age, he Is simply hang.
ing on to save funeral expenses.
Man Is the only animal that car
be skinned more than once. or tina
complains of being dry when h,
comes in out Of the rain. He Is sait
to have cut all his wisdom teetl
when he has purchased q second
hand car, accepted nomination TO
congress and married q widow; bu
even these experiences do not teacl
him anything. He continues to strl
around, posing Is II he possessed al
the virtues, and all Of q sudden h
runs away with the hired girl. o.
man, man, why are you?
When q mans heart gets full o
guile, his head full Of egotisrn an
his tummy full Of prunes, there |
loud tittering on the back seats Q
hades. Man was originally produce
as the Amighty's noaolcst handiworl
but watch his running for office an
Dragging about his clean campaig
and you will see how far he hs
fallen. When he gets through h
should be parboiled in lye, rolled
sulphur, and disirfected in formalde
hyde before being allowed to mi
again in decent society. They all 4
it-and that brings back the que!
ton, "Why Is man?"> Well. he ism
by several rows Of peanut bushes.
If there is to be a wedding In IL
family the mother begins to get rea<
for 1t three months in advance |
renovating the house from cellar
garret: but the man gets out ear
and stays out late, and when Il
invited guests and the preacher a
rive you Will see him strut aroul
in his best clothes and swell up II
q pouter pigeon when he speaks
"our" wedding.
And when there IS birth in t
family 1t Is worse yet. He sits
the kitchen figuring out the lats
box scores, while everybody else
flying around in excitement; a
when Q nice little, roly-poly baby
shown to him, he speaks Of it
"my' son. Jerusalem! Why is ma
He will walk as straight as a raj
rod for 40 years and then all at OF