The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1931-12-31
By Scoop Himself

Realizing that all resolutions of
weak-minded people only are made to
be broken, 1 hereby resolve to carry
out the following Showing that I
have will power, whether you have it
or not):
To write this column every week.
To wash at least once a week,
whether 1 need it or not.
To go to bed at nights.
To get up in the mornings.
All other resolutions will be kept
secret, so you won't to be able to con-
vict me of breach of promise on any
thing but circumstantial evidence.
My crop of Christmas cards was not
much of a success, paying dividends
of only about so per cent. I sent out
over one hundred and only got SO in
return, which is a poor return on your
investment, if you ask me. But why
ask me? However, got several pres
ents I wasn't expecting, WHICH more
than made up the difference.
Some of the cards were so senti-
mental I spent Christmas Eve weep
ing on the shoulders of my brother
in-law, Archibaldson.
"My Christmas ship is sailing right
up the Youghiogheny today, and
loaded to the deck with heaps and
heaps of good Wishes" says one of
them. 1t must have wrecked about
SO bridge, for it hasn't reahed port
yet.
And here's another one: "When the
freight fiickers on Christmas Eve
and you glance into the Goals, remem-
Der I'm thinking of the socks you've
hung up-all full of holes"
"May your home be filled with
Christmas cheer and remain through
out the coming year." If christmas
cheer" had been in quotation marks l
would have thought that the card was
from one bootlegger rival to another,
meaning of course that he hoped he
wouldn't have any sale for his stuff.
Another beautiful sentiment-"May
sweet content with you abound until
you're six feet underground"
Here's a happy little greeting sent
you just to say, hope all you've ever
wanted will be yours this Christmas
day." Well, his hope didn't do so
much good, at least it hasn't been full
filled yet.
Besides 40 with Merry Christmas,
SO with Happy New Year, is with
prosperity, 81 with health and happi-
ness, 2 with wealth, with content
ment, 10 with joy and % with cheer.
People were sitting on keys bench
in front of the store on last Wednes-
day evening, December %, and the
next day fly started buzzing around
my head while was at my labors be-
fore the typewriter. Being out of
practice, it took me three swats to
get him.
The Amalgamated Society members
declare that that ice cream treat last
week must have been very potent to
make US get the paper out on Tues
day.
The fastest five minutes I ever
spent was when 1 talked to South
Dakota on Sunday night. And the
most expensive five minutes, for that
matter-but it was worth it.
***
Doc Henry looked all over Ikey Sin
cells store for package of his last
Thursday night and found it under
his arm when he was almost home.
49,
1 don't like those things you drink
for what ails you that fizz in your
face. And 1 half suspect that Bet
Dawson put something extra in it
because he said it was the only time
he could get even for the things I say
about him in this column.
$50
Archibaldson got suit of under
things, uppers size "a, lowers size 40,
with a card, "To the lad with the
small shoulders and underslung
chest"
Bus Imam and Howard Rathbun
have already been receiving a lot of
fan mail since their performances the
other night at the band concert. All
the band and members deserve some.
The Owl't Club is going to have a
big party soon. Now, now, better be
good!
Since we have the "realtor," the
<'mortician," the "beautician," the
''bootician," the psychologist" the
"archaelogist," the "pedicure," it
might not be surprise to see Pin
NTL,;4o1e &r,,oI, oo,,o;1n. Jox,,,, 4bo ShraaE