Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1931-06-14
The Once Over
coLUNNIsT CooLDGE's COLLAPSE
BY II. i. PHILLIPS

C0LUsNIsT CO0LmGEs COLLAPSE
The olumnis Union and Marching Club win
meet soon and expel Calvin Coolidge from member
ship. Grounds: Conduct unbecoming a newspaper
feature writer.
Columnist Coolidge has asked and obtained q va
cation from July ! to mid-September on the plea he
needs a rest from the task OF batting out one or the
shortest newspaper features ever written. His action
has stunned feature writer's everywhere.
II ex-President Coolidge had been q city-bred man.
q run Of the mill type OF citizen who had taken sud-
denly to newspaper feature writing. q request for .
rest would not have been surprising. but here's a
man, born amid the rugged mountains Of Vermont
and raised on hard work. demanding an al-summer
rest from writing four or five paragraphs q dayl
Tell US IL amt SO. Calvinl
Tel US there's something wrong with the picture
OF q boy raised in the unrise-to-sunset school Of
daily chores wearying under the weight Of O 250-
word composition each dayl
Tell US that the youth who used to saw a cord Of
wood, get in the hay, feed the cows and do the maple
sugarin' al between breakfast and lunch isn't send
ing up q cry for help from the Job Of covering one
sheet OF paper with typewriter words once in twen-
ty-four hours.
1t Just doesn't seem possible, Calvin, that private
life and the big money has softened you up that
much. There isn't a newspaper feature writer in the
country getting more money for less work. And you
want a long vacation from a Job any union feature
writer could toss off between his grapefruit and
coffee each morning without even considering he
had a workout. Shucksl
Two hundred and fifty words a day. Calvin. are less
than a housewife writes in a note to the milkman
telling hin not to leave anything tomorrow.
why. Cal. you ought to be ashamed Of yourself.
Yes, stree, sirl
You don't even have to compose any poems, think
Of a word to rime with petunia or bat off any snappy
paragraphs. You just call a secretary and dictate
some stuff to the effect that after the rain comes the
sunshine.
And you can't stand I'll
Just one question, Mr.. Coolidge: What are you go
ing to do if there's a chance for you to run for Presi-
dent in 1882 as the workingman's candidate? We
pause for a reply.
1T IMPROVES EN-
Tommy Armour, winner Of the British Open, is
sightess in one eye and has a crippled arm as a
result Of wounds in the world war. His skill proves
what we have always contended-that every golf
er is better off shot.
A broadcasting company offers a prize Of $1,000 for
the best musical composition composed by an Ameri-
can and which can be played in twelve minutes. Not
twelve times in twelve minutes, you understand.
go
The income tax inquiry shows that AL Capones
average income has been about 100000 a year. This
is very hard on a public educated to believe that
the king Of the racketeers got that much money for
a ~forenoon's work.
The wickershan Commission has filed a report on
the courts. Now all we have to do Is wait and see
II any Of the members agree with the conclusions.
Elmer TwitcheIl says that the luckiest boys this
June are those who are graduating from agricultural
colleges. "They are all fitted for the apple industry.
anyhow" he explains.
MYSTERY DEPARTMENT
A New York hotel advertises For one person:
double bed 81; twin beds. Sc. European plan" Under
the European plan, what does one person do with
twin beds?
g. J.
Abe Grossman reports seeing a sign on the Wind
sor Theater, Fordham Road, New York:
II o o TO HE'LL
FOR WOMEN ONLY