The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1931-08-27
What Happened

Daily Worker-A daily reader of the Daily
Worker wants to know what happened. Since
about two weeks he is missing in every COPY
his Red Sparks and not word Is ever men
toned about its disappearance 1t was the best
the ablest and most interesting column of all
the papers of the United States. Please ex-
plain.-A COmrade."
This is only lonesome sample of great
many inquiries received by the Daily Worker
about the sudden disappearance of Red Sparks,
our columnist-Jorge-havi suddenly been
taken i'll and forced to quit work The explana-
ton should have been given earlier, and we ex-
pected him to write it, but until now his con-
dition did not allow it. although he expected
every day to be able the next Any time it is
missing or irregular in the near future, readers
Will understand that the reason is that Jorge is
not yet able to do much.-Editor
You see, conlrade readers, life is short and the
N. Y. Times is liar. But Notwithstanding nv
desire to call daily attention to that fact; we
(editorially Speaking) have a liver
Along i'll 1917, Uncle Sam fixed up Five Year
Plan for our liver, and since we got out of Leav-
enworth (Which is Choctaw for "Liverwurst'' in
1923, the darn thing has never been the same
Doctors shook their heads over it. and finally it
was taken out, some ruffles cut off, hemstitched,
it was never the same old pre-war liver.
That might have been all right In fact, for
months and years we have been going about
working day and night, and nobody to look at
us would have suspected that we had a liver
But there are limits beyond which the. best of
hvers cannot be driven -..,.. ~n.1
1t hardly survived Hoovers moratorium. Then
came the patriotic feat in which the U. S. Army
planes sunk-that is, tried to sink the old trans
port Shasta. The Shasta was supposed to take
the place of IAN enemy boat approaching our
shores, and about dozen army bombing planes
hoped out from Langley Field to "repeI the
enemy - -- --e-,2 --s-
Well, they got lost the first day, and not only
failed to find the enemy" but failed to find
their way back home. All the pot-beled Off
GERS on the boat towing the enemy" swore that
such thing couldn't happen again It didn't
They towed the enemy ship" up. close an a
bright day so that the expert army aviators
couldn't miss seeing it, and then they blazed
away with bombs Cat $500 per bomb, please take
note you hungry unemployed. 2~
But they couldn't hit the enemy ship, which,
If it had been the real thing might have sailed
on up the Potomac, right up Pennsylvania ave-
nue. and captured Hooey Hoover, moratorium
and all II ~s7g~
They then took advantage of the helpless con-
sink it by opening the sea-cocks but failed at
that too Then they stood off and began throw
ing butcher knives at it, but it failed to sink
| Finally, they brought from Washington writ
ten copy of all the promises and schemes of
Hoover, Clifford, Mayor Murphy, Bill Green,
Governor Roosevelt and Henry Ford for "unem-
ployed relief" and loaded them on the Shasta"
That was too much. The old boat groaned in
every rivet, shivered from stem to stern, slowly
rolled over on her side and then sunk below the
waves. And SO did our liverl
| We will have some more to say about these
things when we recover sufficiently Until then,
try self help"-Jorge.
| Postscript:-An you folks who have found out
| that Red Sparks has S. A. (No not sex appeal
but Sassy Atmosphere should be interested to
learn that during our illness the Staff Stenogra-
pher collected some of the best Sparks we pub
lished in the last month, Ryan Walker has illus
trated them with the laughingest drawings you
| ever saw, and they're soon to be published in
pamphlet that will sell at about nickel, retail.
Write to the Workers Library, which viii handle
your orders-Jorge.
| the Labor representatives will revolt against the
|