The Washington times., 1931-09-10
True to Type
VOLCANIC DREAMS THE
NEW ESCAPE FROM
HARD FACT
Rv GlLREaRT SELDES-


Thames and the Capitol at Washington into whatever
pond is handy and that like myself who knows
his her mind had chance to do something
about tiresome things in face of which all Presidents
prime ministers representatives of. business
apparently helpless" So writes Mary Borden partcu
larly annoyed by the Russian habit of dumping wheat
butter, overcoats and propaganda, all of which, she
knows are made by "sweaed forced and convict labor,
on the starvation and slavery of the workers."
Wanted: An Earthquake
am more interested in Mrs Borden's habit of mind
than am in the facts, supposed facts which have
crept into her mind She has ceased to believe in the
ORDERLY processes of government and wants catacysm,
forgetting that about IS years lot Of Russians felt
the same way and got the cataclysm they wanted Mrs.
Borden feel sure is not going to place bombs under
the National Seats of Wisdom, but she will go wish
ing for melodrama to the world.
Alfalfa Bill Murray Governor of Oklahoma, has the
same type of mind. AS boy he probably dreamed of
the earth opening under his feet in explosion of mil
lions of oil wells sending up billions of gallons of black
gold In his disappointment at discovering that flowing
oil meant diminishing returns he ordered the curtain
rung down the melodrama sending soldiers out front
for the punch" q am afraid that in the fullness of
time will be known the Original Murray-for-Presi
dentMan unless the Governor claims the post for him.
self; there something candidatorial in his early
morning dash to the Texas brdgehead weeks before the
oil wells had to be put down; and with cotton to
be plowed under and cattle to be ledal in the
of prosperty-Murray is undoubtedly the Of the
hour Having foreseen his future last June almost
reconciled to it by now)
1.-THE Newer NihiIism
financial commentator in the New York Herald
Tribune calls these schemes by the of The Newer
Nihism and says: Soon these economic nihiss will
advocate the choroformng out of every ten humans
in order to eliminate the problem of unemployment
AS Struhers Burts disappointed old lady said when she
saw Niagara Falls whats to hnder?" -,
1t is in fact the most sensible idea in two We
live in what critics call profit economy; that is.
we live in order to make profit and what fails to show
profit must be destroyed Oil to be profitable and
is stifled the we cotton gives inadequate return
and is powed under The latest proposal is that out
of seven cows should be slaughtered doing away with
100000 milk producers and-here is the sinister sugges
tion-actualy improving the quality of the dairy stock
because obviously the poorest would be the first
to go. 80 go
murder of animate beings. When stop making motors
or raoos' we are no! committing muroer; put OIL comes
from nature, cotton is growing thing, and many people
have found cows more attractive than and
Why not then go on to the unfortunate nonproducers
among u.s. declmate them and at the time improve
the human stock? 1t is heartless but starvation
mot Dirty-But DuII'
I envy the who first turned the heat-humdity
trick to the uses of dramatic criticism and said 1T isn't
popular Of all attacks dirty shows nowadays and you
can readily see why it is used At the start it takes
away from the critic any impuation of smugness you
stand little nice clean dirt in it's place. he is neither
prig moraist and he holds traffic with the
police and John Sumner He merely hates stupidity
Not Quite Frank
:, have used this form of attack myself hundred
times so | know what l am talking about when | say
that it is little less than candid The trouble is that
the smutty sketches often amusing they are not
masterpieces of humor because the writer's and pro-
ducers count the smut to carry them and do not
overwork their brains but they funny enough And
the honest thing to of them is that they funny
in an Objectionable way In other words, if they
were funnier would not like them.
Mr.. Earl Carrol-whose you will find bill
boards along the Eastern railways bazoned the fore
most authority feminine beauty-s now under attack
for the dirty sketches in his show One of them,
suggested by Eddie Cantor" according to the program
is thoroughly offensive the old bed has acquired
and obnoxious wrinkle and the sketch is stupidity played
But the other shady bits decidedly funny when
the insinuations aren't particularly pleasant
Private Hunor Is Public Dirt
Mr. Carroll seems to have had two ideas: to present
show bigger and better than the specacles which 20
in the movie palaces and to rob the buresque houses
their chief attraction, He has succeeded in BOTH The
trouble is that the burlesque houses do not nsinuate