Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1931-11-19
Speed in
Michigan
By RING LARDNER

1 Il OCCASIONS 10 so from G0Snen,
Indiana, To the old home town, Niles,
Mich. and we decided to take the
Michigan division Of the big 4 ON acct.
Of ii not taking as long like the in
terurban and when | enjoy a exper-
ience like that | always feel like |
ought TO tell my readers SO as they
can enjoy it I'll hand you might say.
Well, in the LIST place, we called up
the Goshen station about 3 O'Clock in
the p. m. and found out what time
the train left but The employees was
home takeing their siesta, but finely
/ went over myself in persoL and
found him in and ! says what time
does the train go to Niles? So he
says:
We'll, its due 10 leave here at 5:1l
but if | was you | wouldn't get down
here at that Time because it don't
hardly ever leave here at that time.
If | vas you | would call me up along
about . and | will try and tell you
how late size is.
So | asked him how could a train
get idte that only came from Indian
apolis and the time table give il all
day TO do II in, and he said he didn't
know no why's Or wherefores but he
had been working There a good many
yrs. and his advice to me was not to
get there ut train time. SO | took his
word for it and santered down to the
station about Il after 8 and sure
enough he was in and | asked him
how was the train and he said il was
OH time and | said
"Oh, its gomez
So he says, NO, it's only 20 minutes
late and when it ome that close TO
on time what is the use of finding
fault with it and calling it late"
Well along about 5:35 there was q
biz seismic disturbance and sure
enough along she come and We was
standing on the station platform
waiting and after She was drawed up
along side of us | and my collar
looked like a Republican delegate from
Ga, but anyway we clumb aboard and
SET down in a red plush seat and there
was , other passengers on the train
including a man from the House of
David and his wife.
| dqp't know if you know what the
House of David is or not. Well, its
a sex that lives in Benton Ilarbor,
Mich, AID its religion is that as long
as you don't sin you don't die. Very
few of them lives to be 100 but |
could easily live 10 be that age if
l didn't have to fret my life away
shaving every A. Nj. Well this guy
parked his head and whiskers ON his
Mrs. shoulder TO take a nap and |
thought she'd be tickled to death.
Well along about this time we come
to Elkhart and it was still broad
daylight yei and the sun was shin.
ing in the golden west, but in come
a brakeman dressed in a fedora hat
and a mufti and a pair of shoes that
had been working on the railroad all
the livelong day ard he pulled down
all the shades on the sunny side of
the car and lit a a~cetylene light and
the lady with me says:
What in the world is he doing
that for"
So l says:
"IIe believes in saveing daylight"
She laughed heartily.
Vile we was il Elkhart the crew
found out that we was only about
% minutes late and it would not do
to spoil a record so we set around
there for about u a hr. trying to
get back to normal and finely the
conductor come in and | asked him
what time we was due in Niles and
he looked in a book and he said we
was due there at 6:35 SO | asked him
why did he half to look in a book to
find out and he said:
We'll if you was conducting a train
that hadn't never got no place when
it was due how could you remember
when it was due a%nywheres? If you
had asked me what time when it was
going to, get in Niles instead of what
time we was due there | could of
told you without looking in no book"
Well, the next station is Granger
where the Grand Trunk crosses and
they have built a new Union Station
that will hold 5 or & people but never
does, but the train has to stop a long
while there on the theory that they
might be somebody on the Trunk Line
that's so desperate that they want to
transfer, but NOBODY did and | said,
"Now we won't have no more stops
till we get to Niles" but just before
we come TO that metropolis a bird with
q red flag come Out on the track and
stopped US and 1t seems like they was
a freight coming in the opp. direction
on the same and only track and ] or
the other of us had to back on to u
sideing because they didn't neither
one of us have the courage to try
conclusions.
Well, the freight vas elected though
1t probly had a more valuable cargo
myself included and we missed it and
rolled into old Niles and when we
got off the train the apostle from the
House of David was still mapping on
his old ladys shoulder but she didn't