Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-04-28

| kerchlef, Capone sang to the tune OF
THE Curse of an Aching Heart:
"You made me what I am today,
I hope you're satisfied.
| You built me up and up until
| stand here in my pride.
make a billion every week,
| I've done well from the start.
| Don't dare to repeal or you will feel
The curse of an aching heart"
At this juncture Mrs. willebrandt
came out of hiding and volunteered to
| stick to the ship. To the tune Of
Heaven Will Protect q Working Girl"
! she sang:
Prohibition, it is fine,
| But we still must have our wine
And Vine-Glo's just the thing to
give a whirl.
Don't dare stop me In my mission
Saving drys from prohibition,
For Heaven will protect working
girl"
Capt. Wickersham put the question
Of sticking to the ship to vote. Only
Joe Robinson, Capone and Mrs. WILLIE
brandt voted AYE" against thunder
GUS roar of noes" but Wickersham de-
clared THE ayes have it." The skit
closed with the chorus singing to the
tune Of I'm the Good Old Summer
Time:
when its nineteen-thirty-two,
There will be a great to-do;
Maine to California, you'll hear the
ballyhoo.
Drys and vets are getting set
And that's a warning true
That thereu be something doing,
when it's nineteen thirty-two."
Where's Gin'ril Prosperity?
An Italian peanut yender pushed his
cart upon the stage and discussed with
policeman on the street corner the
mysterious disappearance of Gin'rn
Prosperity. He was first reported "just
around the corner" but the report
proved to be incorrect. The policeman
continued:
''Th' mkt heard iv him was whin
Roger Babson ray-ported seem him in
barrel iv statistics in tn Pacific
Ocean; John Raskob felt sure he was
| hidin in keg If home-brew in North
Car 1iny; Sintor Wheeler said he'd
gone t. Ro-osha t. wur-rk tin years on
| tn five-year plan: Carther Glass said
| he was locked in tn vault iv Fed'ral
Ray-sarve Bank In New York. Some
blamed his goin' away on Calvin Cool
| idge's writin', an some on Jimmy
Walkers actin an some on Rudy
valees singin'. Annyhow there's tin
! tell ye how T. bring him back. They'd
have turned over tn job long ago T.
tn Nye Commy-tee iv it wasn't f'r tn
ixpinse.
"F'r months tn Experts have been
holdin' CONFERENCES an paSSin' res'lu-
tons, an passin' tn hat, an passin'
tn buck. Andy Mellon blames it on
tn bonus an Sin'tor Couzens blames it
on Andy Mellon. tn Dimmy-crats
blame it on tn Presdint an tn Pres
dint blames 1t on tn wide, wide wur-rld.
| In all political experience I never heard
as many f'rint argy-mints in an OF
year."
The policeman proceeded to express
some ideas Of his own about finding
Gin'ril Prosperity.
"I have me own ices about him." he
| said. IT don't think he was liver lost
at all, at ALL It's this way. Long ago
another Roosevelt startled tn stren'-
yous life in Ameriky. tn seed he
planted grew an grew til tvrywan
was Twin It, Whin tn poor Gin'ral
whit downtown in tn mornin' he was
na-ar distracted be tn clickin' Nv tn
stock ticker. He cuddint rest at home
| on account iv tn young vans shakin'
up gin an orange juice. He cuddint
sleep because Nv jazz band in a night
club playin' over tn raddio. TIL oul
woman na-ar drove him crazy tryin' t.
| la-arn tn Vanderbilt Convintion, an
his sons an daughters had him in
| polls court wanSt a month putin up
tin dollars On account Nv speedin' in tn
| FLYER.
He was that sick an tired Nv It all
he whit into tn 1ib'ry FIR a rist. There
| he whit t sleep like Rip Van Wrinkle
They looked f'r him in tn ice box an
tn garage an tn spa-ak-aisy an there
| he was all tn time in his own house.
He'd niver gone away f'r home. Some
day tn kids in tn neighborhood will
| be playin' hide-an-seek an they'll in
wade tn lib'ry an wake him up. He'll
| be surprised T. know he's been asleep
so long. Thin he'll come down stairs
an put on a cla-an collar an another
| firm tn butcher shop he'll be sthandin'
| in tn dure, his eyes dancin' an a grin
on his face like bye at circus. TIL
whole family will be that glad t. sec
him they'll get out his slipphers an
| his oul coat, an maybe. as tn sayin'
goes, they'll all live happy foriver
afther."
Coolidge Wins Literary Prize.
The award Of the Nobel literary prize
for 1881 took place with appropriate
ceremony. The judges considered
numerous candidates, including Mark
| Sullivan, Frank r. Kent and Gen.
Pershing, but the decision was unani-
nous for Calvin Coolidge after he sang
song which ran as follows:
Rain is often wet,
! Fish are caught in net.
Spending is a sin,
Look at me and and see the soul of thrift.
( Though this lesson sounds absurd.
I I get two bucks word!
| Chorus
! And the green-backs grow all around,
And each, little PiTd with a business eye.
4bosT F2ufd msy . saSsad 81 .es% bore.
While TIE srsen2backs grow ali around.
While the Sreen-backs grow all around"
AS the song ended, one Of the judges
rose and, addressing the chairman,
said:
In 1880 the Nobel prize was award
ed to the author of Rabbit. move
that the 1891 prize be awarded to that
author who in himself personifies Bah
bitt' to the highest degree-Calvin
Coolidge"
The motion was carried amid cheers
and the chairman said:
"Mr Coolidge, here Is check for
$4,000 You don't need 1t, but your
writings combine the best features Of
Aesop. the Farmers Almanac and Ella
Wheeler Wilcox Now, II you wish,
you are free to slap Theodore Dresser
in the face"
Russian Problem Depicted.
A eaudy and tuneful extravaganza