The Waterbury Democrat., 1931-09-12

SHELF ME "Guilty Idps," he shouted, Reaching for his hat, 'Ha, l1a,n she calculated, "You're reading the Democrat"
 o-O--o I suppose it's nice to live in an apartment but what are you going to do when you want to stretch?
 o-O-o Politicians get their plum pud- ding at fall elections, the rest of us have to wait for the Christmas dinner.
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 You can always tell the diff ference between the start and finish of a dinner. soup makes so much noise.
 o-O-o The man who is a headache to others, must be terrible one to himself.
 When a brick falls from chimney in Germany it means the stork is due to arrive. suppose that's the way they baby chimneys in Germany. The tough thing about brief cases is the fact that their con- tents are never brief.
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 Athletic union suits look okay on athletes but the rest of us have to grin and bear 'em.
 o-O-o This is National Refrigerator Week. What a chance for fight CTS to put their bouts on ice.
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 TEE, HEB It's easy enough to be pleasant, When things are going your
 way, But the man worth while, Is the man who can smile, When hard luck comes to stay. Many a man goes without a hat so his wife can afford an extra one.
 The only chap who gets paid for listening to a back seat driver is a chauffeur.
 o-O-o When a tire has a blowout 1t means just the opposite for the owner.
 Soon Chairman Crary will have to hire a clerk to keep track of the candidates for city clerk. Election promises of full dinner pails have dwindled now until they fail to regis ter full pipes for smokers. ' The woolen trade of New Eng land continues at a fast clip, so the depression as yet has not been able to pull the wool over the eyes of the industry.
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 The vets want to drown the depression in beer. While the drys fume they foam.
 o-O-o Italy seems to be in favor of a holiday for armaments. We trust this includes the medals Il Duce enjoys wearing.
 so BE IT The owls funny bird, Always shuns the light, Guess the original owl was born On 8 dark and dreary night.
 o-O-o Why not postpone all elections for five years and give the cam paign contributions to the fund for underemployed.
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 Nowadays a smoking set" is a party of four, equally divided as to sex.
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 This "home made fudge" you buy along the highways Is bootleg candy. A friend of mine purchased some and the keeper of the roadside stand forgot to erase the stamp of a nationally known candy maker. So watch your fudge, it's be- come a racket, much the same as everythin gelse.
 o-O-o These week end cruises on big ocean liners are called whoopee parties. Though on water. the guests seem to be on cocktails most of the time.
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 "There's safety in numbers" said the prospective groom. proposing to a telephone girl.
 o-O-o The honeymoon is over when she no longer embroiders the family coat of arms on guest towels.
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 TEE, HEB His wife threw out the anchor And then he threw a fit, When she threw out the anchor, She went out with it.
 o-O-o When the gals with boyish bobs come along sporting the new "bowIers'', you don't know whether to tip your hat on give them a wave of the hand.
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 This is the time of the year when stories of foot races on cinder tracks remind poor dad of the coming furnace cinders that he'll track up the cellar with.
 When the frost is on the pump kin then elders in mince pie.
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 More cheer leaders in col leges and high schools are promised this fall. We'll. that means work for the men who manufacture megaphones.
 o--O--o The girl who can cook. sew and keep house geenrally winds up as an old maid. Which merely means that you shouldn't start training this way until you're sure of your