Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1931-09-25
Ono; II; Or,


increase OF $15 3 montns . 20 N
per cent cut in hou : rent, two
railroad passes q year to any
point in Russia and three
street-car tickets emitting him
to enter street cars by the
front end Dispatch from
Moscow.
Now there's an ideal 1t is hoped
somebody in washington VIII take
advantage Of 1t at once. n ever
ingenuity needed inspiration and
incentive in this country 1t needs
It today. The following announce
ments from President Hoover might
we'll be looked forward to:
TO JASPER PHERTLE
In recognition of distinguished
service to the United States through
constant refusal to talk pessimis-
tically about business and stead
fast application to his job OF sell
ing more goods, the president con-
fers upon Mr.. Phertle the Badge
OF Merit. Series $50. The order
carries with 1t a salary raise OF
$3.50 a week, the repapering Of the
Phertle apartment free. a Jason
pass to any cinema theater he may
select, a card emitting him TO ride
on the roof Of any ~interurban bus
in the country and ar autographed
photo of Marlene Dietrich.
TO DUDLEY DOLLOP
Mr.. Dollop passed through 1880
and 1881 without once predicting
that worse times were ahead or
that the real facts we're being con-
cealed from the people. Washing
ton takes pleasure In admitting
him to membership in the Sons OF
the Silver Lining. This carries with
IL the right to play pool in an Elks
Club, S11 In two-cent stamps. q
chance on a new a. tomobile and
an upper berth once a year on any
railroad in the land. 1t also m
titles him to get out Of taxicabs
while in motion and bid five no
trumps regardless OF his hand.
GREGORY MATTITUCK
1t Is conceded that by going ahead
minding his own business and not
stopping on street corners to argue
about trade conditions in other
lines. Mr.. Mattituck established
himself a unique American. The
entire Cabinet voted him the Order
OF Calvin Coolidge and threw In a
three-piece blue suit, a pair Of rub
Der boots, a permit TO fish for trout
anywhere In the country In or out
OF season, a watch said to have
been carried by General Sheridan.
a complete set OF Edger Guests
poems and a trick mirrrr.
TO LUTHER McGLOOK
To date no one has ever heard
Mr.. McKlook blame the slump on
anybody or express he opinion II
would last for years. His country
Is glad to decorate him with the
Peacock Feather Of the Rapidan,
carrying with 1t eleven banjo les
sons gratis. a box Of ten-cent cigars.
two smoked hams a year from any
grocery store, two tickets TO Earl
CAROLS "Vanities" and the right
to ride backwards on any recog-
nized roller coaster. The Govern
ment will also send him q Thanks
giving turkey II reminded two weeks
ahead.
AN OBSERVATION ON ENG
LANDS POSITION
Come the world against her,
England yet shall stand" did you
say? Well. she looks very horizontal
at the moment.
British invitation: We'll. whatT
you have-rain OF Snowden?"
Tommy Creavy, a twenty-year-
old ex-caddy who was never in a
big tournament before, won the
Professional Golf championship
Saturday. 1t Is getting so the es-
tablished stars of the game are not
even worth a show bet.
An Indiana town has announced
that the marriage fee will be six
bushels Of wheat. Why not call II
Gretna Grain?
Among the victims of unemploy-
ment must be the fellow who used
to put the gilt on the gilt-edged
stocks.
BROKERAGE OFFICE
DIALOGUES
Did I say that that was a Grade
A investment?
You certainly did, sir.
Well. 1t was my mistake. / was
holding the alphabet upside down.
SLOGANS FOR THE RAILROAD
WORLD
Don't Try to Cross the Tracks
While A Dividend Is Passing.
Directors Meeting Ahead. Proceed
Sith Caution.