The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1931-06-25
SCOOPS COLUMN
By SCOOP-HIMSELF

column this week. The whole office
force seems to think that am shaky
and rather scatter Drained, for, as you
know, coming events cast their
shadows before. The reason they
think am shaky is because 1 can see
two shadows where before could
only see one. am really very calm.
All was going peacefully until last
week when was swatting flies with
unusual energy. The flies that es-
capped went out for reinforcements
and brought back with them a whole
insect army, included in which was a
matrimonial bug. And when made
a swing for him with my trusty swat
ter I missed, for the first time in six
weeks, and the brute stung me.
Once you are bitten by this bug,
there is no hope for you, so Archi-
baldson tells me, and he ought to
know, having been bitten by one HIM
self.
All mistakes in The Republican this
week, of whatever nature, will be
charged to me, because the boss editor
thinks am in an eXcusable condition.
But be careful what you read in this
column for the next two weeks, be-
cause Archibaldson or the boss editor
might try to cover up their shortcom-
ings as columnists by telling a few
things about me that aren't true.
Up at the Last Court
Said lawyer to citizen, you're
cheat" "And you're liar" retorted
the citizen. "Now that the parties
have identified each other" remarked
the judge, 1--WE will proceed with the
case"
If you have nothing else to do, try
passing an inspection on that new
linoleum in Harned's drug store, and
see if it doesn't remind you of broken
raw eggs mixed with chopped up car
rots and spinach.
$50
Are You Paid Up?
A citizen who was seven years in
arrears for The Republican, who had
never had a good word to say for the
editor, and who was always opposed
to public improvements, was dying
the other day, so Archibaldson went
out to write up the obituary. "How
do you feel?" he asked. All looks
bright before me-" he gasped. 81
thought So" returned Archie, you'll
see the blaze in about ten minutes"
At final examination at the Oak
land Grammar school, one of the ques-
tions asked was "Who are the four
great men in Maryland history?" and
one pupil answered, Governor Ritch-
lie, Lord Baltimore, Bill Broening, and
Mayor Grover Stemple. In Friends
vile, the answer included Wilbur
Glenn and Johnny Fitzwater.
49,
Maybe, someday, I will be famous
too.
The entertainers at the Maryland
theatre on Monday and Tuesday
nights were fairly good. They all
knew their instruments. But they
would have gone over lot bigger had
they lost their announcer down about
Deep Creek Lake. He evidently has
stood bareheaded in the sun little
too long.
One of the great crimes which shor-
ten life is Indifference. If there is GO
ing to be Indifference in Garrett
county this summer concerning the
Garrett County Fair, the offenders
should be given free lodging in the
hoose-gow.
If you talk fair, act fair, think fair,
and play fair, you will get behind this
annual agricultural exhibit and make
it success, no matter where it is
held, and let these petty grievances
float away on Wilson's creek.
If you can't boost, for heavens
sake, don't knock.
$40
What Deep Greek Lake needs right
now is for the property owners to hold
confab and decide to rid the banks
and shore line of those logs, which
are menace to boats as long as they
are allowed to roam with the wind.
I'll be back to help in two weeks.
Preliminary Figures on Marri-