Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-10-11

-AKE a good look at those chill
dren OF yours. They mirror, to-
day, the men and women they
are So soon going to be.
Which ones are going to take
from. and which ones are going 10
give to, life?
It seems to me this is a more i'm
portant question than many OF those
others We ask ourselves so anxouSiy.
We worry about their hair and their
teeth we struggle with their schooling.
we keep an eye on their manners-but
about the actual soul of the child. his
nature his character, about the things
that are really going to determine his
happiness or unhappineSs In TINS lie,
most parents seem to feel that they can
do little or nothing.
One child is unself1sh, sunny, atfec-
tionate. His brother, perhaps his twin
brother, is shy, suspicious. selfish, I'M
friendly And right here their two des-
TIMES are indicated, for all time. HUI
manly speaking. the fortunate one Will
be always fortunate; the other always
in the shadow.
Two sisters I know illustrate the
noint. Nancy is Jelly, rosy, plump.
curlv-headed-it is extraordinary how
often curly hair goes with happy
heart-good natured. Nancy is not IN
telligent, but then she doesn't nave 10
be.
JOAN her older sister, is quiet, wary
girl. with dark straight hair ana 'hurI'
rnisundersta nding and subdued manner.
Every one is Away offending Joan;
she is prettier than Nancy, she is far
more clever-it doesn't matter, she
never quite fits In.
Nancy is happily married; Joan, at
81, is keeping books for law firm.
A FTER having watched them init
"A mately and affectionately for some
Is wears. it seems to me that the ex-
PLANTATION is that Nancy gives, and Joan
takes.
Nancy gives verything-laughter,
friendship, companicnship, enthusiasm,
help. She wipes dishes; she holds the
camera and lets every one else be IN
the picture: she is the one who gets the
seat alone at the theater II chairs
and card tables have to be moved, it is
Nancy who is dragging them about; II
any one wants white hat or pair OF
stockings Nancy has them to lend.
Joan hangs back. when charades or
theatricals are discussed she doesn't
like to be made ridiculous" But Nam
cy plunges in, and the more ridiculous
Nancy is eternally forming friend
ships and having her friends fail her
she goes on undaunted, and wins ire
nsndcus popularity out OF even failures
But Joan waits to see what acqualnt-
ances have to offer her: they must be-
gin the giving-and sometimes they
never do She tells me. bitterly, about
the other girls in the office
MARY seemed to be my best friend,
I wish you could have heard she way
she talked about our friendship. And
then she gives a party and keeps the
whole thing a secret from me! NO.,
jean says. telling me about 1t, Il won't
forgive that kind of thing, I'm not quite
a fool. Loyalty" says poor Joan. warm
ing. Il love it. If my friends can't be
loyal to me, I've no use for them!
WHICH is all very pathetic. For
wv loyalty, to me, seems a much
over-rated quality, at least in the re-
cipient. Love is everything, love fulf1llS
the law; loyalty has nothing to do with
love. When you say loyalty" you are
denying love- for love doesn't need 1t.
1t may be very nice and kind and gen.
erous, but it's a second-rate thing, at
best.
Whatever it is, Joan demands it
rather than love. But even when she
gets it she isn't satisfied.
One day I was with her when friend
.telephoned to ask her to 60 to the
.theater. John civilly regretted. 1t
merely means that some one else has
disappointed her!" she explained to me,
later. She isn't just planning the
party, now-she's probably planned it
for days
And she seemed quite triumphant over
her shrewdness in cutting herself out
of a good time.
Humanity speaking, Joan's case is
helpless, and Nancy, by some unjust
freak of fate, got JOY and happiness and
popularity for two
But fortunately We don't have to
speak humanity. There are other ele-
ments in our composition besides mere
animal instinct and appetite, and the
jeans of the world can escape from
themselves through these channels.
ONE of the most old-fashioned of
~ them is called grace" We hear
little CT saving grace" "sanctify-
ing grace" means Of grace" in these
DAYS. but our ancestors used the terms
quite Familiarity We can get away
from any fault, or defect. or disadvan-
tage through grace. Indeed, we can
turn the silver lining of any cloud out
side through grace.
Grace Is LDe OI GOQ
spirit in the heart Of believer" All
we have to do is turn back to a GER
tain sermon on certain mount for
or definition Of grace.
Blessed are the meek, the nerciful,
the pure in heart. the poor in spirit.
Blessed is he who gives, full measure,
running over. Blessed is he who for
does good to him that uses him despite
fully.
Joan Goes none of this. She meas
ures, judges. reSents, broods. Probably
she prays, but when she says, Forgive
us as we forgive those who trespasS
against us" the words are dead. They
mean nothing.
Nancy got it all for nothing, but
Nancy may have her problem yet Per-
haps it will be one of Nancy's children
who must struggle TO find peace of
spirlt-to find grace, just as Joan must
work for it. If she ever is to be happy,
needed, beloved satisfied.
THERE are thousands of girls like
\ her. THEY write me long descrip-
tons OF their experiences. their his
tories, the mother who never under
stood them. the school teachers who
were unjust, the business associates
who refuse them the companicnship
and love and amusement and popu-
larity for which they hunger.
They dread loneliness, superfluous-
ness; they dread the 30s and 40s; they
hate the idea Of turning into mere
machines; efficient, single. respectable
I. middle LACED women living In boarding
: houses all over the Union.
Well, the way out is the old way of
humility and service; of giving rather
than receiving. He that would be
first among you let him be as one who
serves" Find some one who needs you,
rather than look for some one you