The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1931-08-27
SCOOPS COLUMN
By Scoop Himself

was named foreman Oh lHe Sfdnu jury |
for September court along with a |
couple of other guys, and they say they !
are going to summon me before that |
body and make me tell where l get
my liquor, because they are certain
that a sober fellow couldn't write
such stuff as | do in this column.
I'll have to inquire where these
fellows who expect to be summoned
always hide during grand jury ses-
sion, and make reservations for a
bunk. *+#
Epistle From George Kerins
George Kerins, the fire chief, who
looks after Engines Nos. l and 2 like
a bear looks after its cubs, is having
a fine time fishing down on the Chesa-
peake. A letter from somewhere
around Solomons Island has come to
Scoop and parts of it are taken out
for the benefit of the readers. The
rest is here:
well, we have been fooling around
Solomon's Island now for week, and
running up and down the Patuxent
and we haven't caught a thing. We
had three rains and the creek looked
like the tailings from the Oakland
Creamery company on Wilson's creek,
and every fish in the creek was on a
milk diet and their local physician
had put a ban on angleworms and
grasshoppers.
1T has been a lifelong custom of
mine not to allow a physician to beat
us out, so one day we stopped at a
meat market and told the clerk to
throw us about eight Of those trout
he had on ice, and when he asked why
he had to throw them | said, Well, so
that when we get back to Oakland
those Punks up there cans say that
we didn't catch any
ITO make a fishing trip successful
you should have rain about twice q
day to keep the grass and weeds along
the creek wet. There should be plenty
Of mosquitoes at night so you won't
get sleepy. The cream you put in
your coffee should be sour to match
your disposition, and your bathroom
convcniences should he at least q
block away so YOU have to dress at
night when it is raining, and then.
even though you don't catch a fish,
you can tell your friends when you
get home what a swell time you had. "
Sorry, but that's all Of the letter
We'll print for you, George.
x%+
My fan mail has been so heavy. of
late, that | can hardly keep up my
correspondence. Since | started this
column two or three years ago | have
had at least eight letters from adj
mirers. Before l started writing it
l got only two letters in five years, so
l consider this quite boost. Another
one came in last week from my hand
some old friend Boric Acid down near
the equator. They call him Boric
Acid because he is sight for sore
eyes.
We boiler up here in the mountains
about the cold wave last week. Read
this and be thankful:
Speaking of hot weather. Yester-
day it was Ill in the shade at place
10 miles from here, but that's Key
ser's Ridge blizzard compared with
this room l am writing in right now,
for am sitting on the third cake of
ice and it is so burned hot that the
seat of our pants isn't even moist.
This may sound unreasonable to you,
so we are leaving it to your option
to believe it or not. We are very &C
commodating that way"
Sign along the highway Shaver
and Tubb. Home for Tourists"
Since a dispatch from a point in
Maryland says that two bulls charged
a jazz orchestra and broke up the
performance, lot of people have gone
in for raising a masculine herd.
The Modern Age
Mama said to papa, "Pa, you know
our daughter is now fourteen years
old and l am going to take her in the
next room and tell her some things
think she ought to know" When she
came back Pa said, well, Ma did
you learn anything new"
All jokes aside, you better get !
your horse and buggy, your automo-
bile and your airplane in shape to at
tend the music festival at Somerset |
on September and 6. Garrett county |
should be we'll represented.
Harry L. Uollypop) Stemple, Wal
ter E. (Erysipelas) Hardesty, David |