The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1931-11-20

and read the rest.
II suppose I'm saying just exactly
what you want me to say. Ever since
you fell in love with her l must have
been just a burden and restraint to
you. I don't know how long ago
that was. Long before her husband
died, I suppose.
II haven't any plans now. I don't
seem to be able to think at all. If /
only had any way Of earning money,
the way Ed has been earning it this
summer, so that / could support my
self and be independent, but there
isn't anything special that I know
how to do and I feel pretty old to
learn.
But I'm going to do something,
Ned. You can count on that. I won't
60 on living the way you made me
live last spring.
IF you want to go on in different
way, for the sake of the children-I
know you don't for me-you can de-
eide now and let me know and I'll
come back and try to keep things look
ing as If nothing had happened. Well
come down the night of the fifteenth.
eff you don't feel that you can give
her up, wish you'd say that, too, in
so many words so that I'll know. It's
the not knowing that's driving me
wild. Only don't write justifying your
self and trying to get me to change my
mind. I don't care If your friend
ship Is as sweet and noble and inno-
cent as you pretended it was last
spring. I don't know, but / think I'd
hate that worse than the other. I
can't bear to have her make such a
fool of you. That's what she was
doing all last spring and suppose has
been ever since. All the more If she
never was your mistress. Do you
think she cared anything about friend
ship? You were useful to her, ] sup
pose, and what she mostly wanted was
to show that she could take you away
from me.
"This summer has been like night
mare. It doesn't seem as If 1t could
be true that after two people had been
living together for twenty years,
worthless woman like Ruth Ingraham
could come between them and ruin
their lives. You may not know she
has ruined your life, but she will. 1
can't help 1t. I have done my best
Let me know what you decide to do.
Julia"
Anger was the emotion he wanted.
Hot sustaining indignation against his
wife for the brutality Of her ultimatum
to him, for the licentious Injustice Of
her charges against Ruth.
It wouldn't come. He had no con-
troll over the gusts of feeling that
shook him, now from this direction
and now from that.
One of them was an ineluctable SYM
pathy for Julia herself in her forlorn
helpless wish that she could find a
job. Earn her own living. 1t wasn't
bearable to picture Julia doing that
or to think of the misery that had
driven her to wanting to do it. It
didn't help to assure himself that it
was her own fault.
More excruciating still was the pic
ture Of himself that was etched in acid
in the last sentences of his wife's
letter. A fool. "All the more fool If
she never was your mistress" We'll
come so long as he was useful, con-
temptuously discarded when he had
ceased to be, the object at first of a
tolerant and later of an exasperated
contempt on the part of woman who
neither valued nor understood the
friendship he talked about, woman
who would have understood him better
If he had frankly sought from the
beginning the adulterous rewards Of q
lover.
The hottest indignation that he
could muster didn't protect him against
the twinge every now and then Of an
intolerable misgiving that Julia was
right.
At four o'clock that afternoon-he
was alone, luckily, in his Office at the
time-Ruth Ingraham telephoned to
him. With the recognition of her
voice he began to tremble violently.
She accused him playfully of having
forgotten all about her. 1t was so
long, days and days. she said, (really
it was weeks) since he'd been out to
see her. He must come, since she had
something awfully important to tell
him, and unless he came quite soon, it
would be too late for her to see him
at all. She had just that morning sold
her house and she was going away for
good. There were few matters she
wanted his advice about, If he was
still his kind and helpful self. When
would he come? Tonight?
1t was a queer thing. His body was
completely disorganized, but his mind,
from the moment she began to speak,
became suddenly untroubled. pellucid
The stuff that had for so long befOgged
1t dropped into instantaneous precip.
itate. He saw her now. Understood
her altogether. The false FEASIBILITY
of her voice, the crudely transparent
wish to summon him back now that
he could once more be serviceable. 1t
no longer mattered to her, now that