The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1931-10-08
SCOOPS COLUMN
Apples
By Scoop Himself

oympdCIly3 SCSLdCys uSAShI VI oou-
ness, but with APPLES. I am so
completely surrounded with them and
my desk is so full of them that / have
had to move my typewriter over to
the reading room, or the library.
Two apples presented by Mr.. and
Mrs. Walter Flanagan, of Deer Park,
early-very early-Friday morning,
cover up the entire desk and hang
over the sides like fat mans stom.
ach hangs over his belt.
Then in addition, another basket
presented by Mr.. and Mrs. Flanagan
still carries the blue ribbon for Bailey
Sweets at the County Fair, which
proved to me was really worth some
thing and that advertising pays, else
they wouldn't waste blue ribbon on
me.
Miss Pleasant Refs, of Deer Park,
and Charles o. Lohr, of near Oakland,
both brought in delightful peace offer
ings of four apples each, which the
boss editor SWITCHED from my window
ledge and placed them beside his ele-
plant on top his own desk. He can't
get away with that forever.
They Come By Mail
They (apples) even arrived by mail,
postage paid. And it's good thing
I don't know the sender, because l
would devote the rest of my column
to that single person. Here is what
the letter accompanying the apples
said:
Ny dear Mr.. Scoop:-I read The
Republican paper weekly and 1 always
get quite a kick out of Scoops Col
umn. There is one thing about it in
the last two issues. I don't care to
having you asking for apples when
we have so many of them this year.
Enclosed you will find a few prize
ones from my tree. Probably some
time someone has given the boss edi-
tor a pumpkin, and he might tell you
about it. At this you will go beg
ging for a pumpkin to make pie,
so I will get ahead of you this time.
Trusting you will enjoy the contents
A true friend,
A Reader of The Republican.
Until opened the package, I still
had wonderfully good opinion of
my unknown admirer. But the dirty
punk! The contents weren't even as
big as crabapples, and a whole lot
more useless. And pumpkin, about
four inches in length and the same
in circumference. 1t won't even make
a decent JACKIE lantern for Hallow-
cen.
If 1 ever catch him-(or her)-and
it looked like woman's handwriting,
I'm going to put castor oil in his
coffee, and it won't be a child's dose,
either. The only way he can atone
for the great injury to my feelings
is to send me some cider before next
Thursday.
That isn't bad idea for some Of
the other folks who read The Repub-
lican. Since they didn't exert them
selves by bringing any apples they
might send some cider. The boss edi-
tor can't eat apples, but he's strong
on cider, so come on with it. It's a
sure way of getting your name before
the public and it will put nae in good
spirits-if it's strong enough.
xEE
Mod Haftnr
The Empress Eugene
Was surely meanie
For covering only
Three-fourths of the beanie
Personal Interviews
Scoop, having just loads of time
this week to run about the streets on
account of the Worlds Series, held
several personal interviews with as
many influential business men on the
Empress Eugene hat, and here is
what they think about the women
wearing them:
"Doc Yak" Yutzy: at shows that
women have slipped notch or two;
they would look good in parade.
Tom Flanagan: otis bound to bring
horses back in style as a mode of
transportation"
Colonel Bell: "They would look
swell on monkey"
Emroy "Firehorse" Bolden: "Wo-
men have less on their minds now"
Bet Dawson: "I'm afraid to ex-
press an opinion; I've gotten into
enough trouble already"
Cot McComas: "I'm not giving
anything for publication"
Terrence Tambourini: "They look
like H"
Mr.. Harmed "They don't worry me
any"
Romanus Rudy: "They may look
all right on some people, but I don't
know where or who"
Lizzie fish 1.-THE girl in the front
ofice): 81 like to see with both eyes
even when wearing a hat"
carl Frame. at believe I would