davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-09-27
By George Ade

laws to prohibit this and that, why not arrange
to do something to those criminals in every
community who gay1y insist that they will talk
for only minutes and then erupt for a solid
hour?
Every classic ever delivered at a banquet was
exceedingly short Mark Twain's famous speech
about Babies" which he delivered at the
Palmer House IN Chicago when the welcome
home dinner was given to Gen. Grant, is ab0ut
minutes long. Simeon Ford was one of the
best and funniest and he took about minutes,
but every line was a Shrek. He became so
popular and got SO many invitations that he
simply refused to 60 to any more dinners.
Among the great banquet entertainers to whom
I have listened were Chauncey Depew, Gen.
Horace Porter, Patrick Francis Murphy, Albert
Beveridge, Augustus Thomas, John L. GrimthS
Qormerly our consul general at London)s
Simeon Ford, Fred Lands and, of course, Bill
Rogers. The dramatic profession has rev
good ones also.
Dependable toastmastels have been even rarer
than first-class responders Most of them
merely bleat. The two best I ever knew are
both dead-Frank Lawrence of the Lotos Club
In New York and wilbur Nesbit of the Forty
Club in Chicago who WAS called upon Tor
many years to control large and unwieldy mobs
of hilarious feasters. Frank Lawrence was brief
and urbane and mildly pleasant but he was
the only toastmaster ever knew who could
stop long-winded yapper right in the middle
OF his speech and remind him that his time
was up and squelch him and make him sit
down without hurting the feelings OF the
speaker Mesbit was o wonder when it came to
quick comebacks and ready invention and all
sorts of impromptu stunts which go over with
q whoop when the boys have been partaking
Of something little more potent than sparkling
water.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-09-27

crednlous, half skeptical, represents the moon
We Chinese think Of the moon as silver
rabbit One night many thousands Of years
ago. the rabbit was chased across the sky by
the Heavenly Hound. The poor, frightened
moon! What a dreadful sight it must have
been; the moon skipping and turning and
lodging! The dog almost caught and ate it,
Then we should have had no moon to light our
way at night and bring us JOY. But our an
cestors, seeing the plight Of the poor moon,
sat up a great outcry. They fired crackers,
they chanted prayers, they beat gongs, all to
brighten away the dog And'-the old man
sighed guStily IN relief the hound disap-
peared; the moon was saved.
THE next year, on this day, my ancestors
were prepared. In the afternoon. before the
moon rose they began to beat their gongs and
to pray. All night long they kept up the noise
And that year the moon rode serenely through
the heavens unframed by the dog So every
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-09-27

NM the animal, vegetable and
" " mineral kingdoms and con-
slider sole leather, mahogany,
granite, diamond point drills and such and
as the college professor would say, m the
T1ual analysis" you win have to vote for the
au0estructible tissue used IN the making OF
vocal cords.
What is the sweetest and most enhancing
cou11oination of sounds that ever srnote upon
the human ear? Some one may suggest q
niece bv Beethoven IS rendered by the Bos-
ton Symphony Orchestra, when all OF the
German bows are feeling well Or mocking
hind T.Jtting IN his best hcks IN q live oak
tree on a sunny day m Florida Or the faint
chimes from q distant cathedral tower at
eventide. All wrong The most glorious ana
soul Intoxicating music that ever carried
mortal into the realms Of bliss Is the sound
of the orators voice as he Joy1ully listens TO
himself making speech
All of which Is by way Of preamble to the
deliberate statement that the champion pest
of modern times has been the volunteer
speaker who thinks he is an inspired blending
of Demosthenes, Daniel Webster and Bill
Rogers instead OF living megaphone, curdling
The air with needless adjectives, cheap comedy
and too much static.
History fails to explain why the good old
custom OF gathering around a table and stow
ing away a lot OF food became complicated
INV a <Ieiusion that If q number Of people got
together to do some two-handed eating and
drinking then the crowd could not disperss
until each member Of the goodly company had
stood I'D and responded to something known
as q toast"
Statistics indicate that during the last
nifty years no less than one million speeches
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-09-27

AZ host paused cougted gently, stared
WI across the circle and then announced:
Now my son. who is an Indifferent poet, out
very willing is going to read an ode which he
has composed for the occasion
A tall, thin Chinese rose sheepishly. He drew
from his girdle roll of Powered writing
paper Bending near the light of candle at
the altar he began to read.
For me there was cadence and rhythm to
his words-despite the fact that I could not
comprehend them. There was queer beauty
too in the flowing syllables rising above the
distant background Of blended chanting and
cracker fire.
AS the versiher finished, Waung tip-toed for
ward from the midst of a group Of servants at
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1931-09-27

HAT is the most durable thing
in the world? What is it that
never wears out? Check over
the animal, vegetable and
mineral kingdoms and con-
slider sole leather. mahogany,
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Lieut.. Governor Arens
WiUAddreSs Farmers
Will Attend Annual Meeting of
Sank Lake Creamery Ass0cia-
ton Monday

The annual meeting Of the Sauk
Lake Cooperative Creamery will
be held at the Community Club
rooms of this city Monday, Feb. 2,
commencing at 1000 A. M.
Because of conditions this meet
ing is of vast Importance to all
dairymen and warrants a large
attendance of farmers and business
men.
This Thursday morning Secretary
George Strauss received word from
the Land O'Lakes headquarters in
Minneapolis, that Lieut.-Gov. Henry
Arens would be the speaker for the
the meeting.
Mr.. Arens is vice president of
the Land O'Lakes Company and is
one of the best known dairymen
and workers in cooperative organ
izations in the state. He will speak
at 100 o'clock P. M.
The business men of Sank Cen
ire will serve the lunch at noon.
President Oscar Lying will preside
over the meeting.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Proposed Highway Bonds
Will Not Raise Taxes
Small Part of License and Gas Tax
VIII Pay Both Principal and
Interest

Although there is more sentiment
for a highway bond issue this year
than ever before, there are some
people who fear that 1t may in
crease taxes. This fear, according to
c. M. Babcock, is unwarranted. Mo-
tor vehicle registration and gas
oline consumption could drop to one
fifth Of the 1880 figures he says,
and there would still be enough in
come to pay interest and principal
on all outstanding bonds, and any
bonds which might be issued in
1881 or 1882, without any need Of a
general tax levy. That any such
drop will occur Is inconceivable.
The Constitution, 1t Is true, con-
tains a provision that IL motor We
hicle taxes are inadequate to pay
principal and interest on bonds, the
may levy a general tax
to make UP the difference. Those
who drafted the trunk highway
were convinced that
this provision would never be put
to use, but inserted 1t to make the
bonds more saleable and insure low
interest rates.
CONTINUED on Page Four)
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Stearns Co. Statement
Interesting Document
$1,000, 000-Sheriff's Office
Crosses Over $4,000

The Herald publishes in supple
ment form this week the Financial
Statement of Stearns county for the
year 1890. The report shows that
old Stearns is very much of a bus
mess institution. The total receipts
for the year from all sources were
$2,29S, 445.42. The disbursements
were $2,174,976.41, leaving an &C
tual cash balance of $123, 469.O1.
The report shows that the oper-
ating expenses of the county were
SITS 941.43.
The court house bond and interest
paid amounted to $4,000.
Stearns county is making rapid
strides in the development, build
ing and maintaining better roads
and bridges. The money required
for this work was $780,, 241.S0.
The water, light, gas, fuel and re-
pairs for the court house and Jail
cost $16,78779.
Under the heading, Salaries of
County Officers" are the follow
ing figures: N. ]. Thomey, county
auditor, $500; L. J. Kost, county
treasurer $4,000; 5. E. Schooner.
sheriff, $4,000; j. 8. Himsl, judge of
probate, $4,000; James Quigley,
county attorney, $4,000. w. A. Boer-
ger, Supt. Of Schools, $2,98O. The
office of Clerk Of the District Court
and Register of Deeds are strictly
fee offices.
The report further discloses that
B. E. Schooner received $12,854.25
for the board Of prisoners for
Stearns, and other counties and the
United States Government. Under
the head of "Sheriff's Expenses"
the report discloses that B. E. and
Barbara Schooner received approx
imately $4,000 under this head. The
total receipts for the sheriff's Of
fee being about $18,400. Very nat
urally there were travelling and
other expenses, cost of food etc., to
deduct from this $18,400 total, but
it would appear quite reasonable to
arrive at the conclusion that the
office of sheriff was by far the most
lucrative in Stearns county.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
80 Grade Crossings Were
Eliminated in Past Year
Commissioners Babcock Has Gotten
AL Damage Traps I'm Ten
Year Period

Thirty-eight railroad grade cross.
ings on the trunk highways system
were eliminated in 1880, according
to the biennial report Of the Min
nesota Highway department. OF
these twenty-nine were eliminated
by relocation Of the road and nine
by grade separations.
A total Of Al grade crossings
have been eliminated on the trunk
routes since the state took over
the system in 1921. There were 972
grade crossings on the 1000 miles
Of highway taken into the system
in the spring Of 1921 and 531 still
remain. In the same period the
number Of railroad overhead bridg-
es had been increased from "a to
"a and the number Of underpasses
from 81 to 90.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
NORTH FORK CO. IS
In FINE CONDITION
Closed Year 1880 With 975
Policies In Force Total
ing $4,124,613
NO LOSSES RESISTED
Company Has Made Remark
able Record Since It's Or
ganiZatiOn

The North Fork Farmers Mutual
Fire Insurance Company which was
organized March 9, 1905, and COM
menced business April 8, 1906, is
one of the largest and most sue
cessful township mutual insur-
ance organizations in the state of
Minnesota.
At the close of 1880 the company
was operating in portions of
Stearns, Pope, Todd and Kandiyohi
counties. At the beginning of
1880 therewe re 971 policies in force,
224 new policies were issued in this
period and 221 expired during the
year, leaving the total policies in
force at the close of 1880, 975, with
total insurance of $4,124,613.
During all the year which this
splendid organization has been do
ing business they have furnished
the policy holders ample protection
at very low insurance cost. Oct.
IA, 1880, the only assessment dur
ing the year was levied which net
ted $9,653.18. The cost per 500
insurance during the year :. as only
10 cents.
During the year 20 fire and Is
lightning losses were settled. In
no case did the company resist set
Element loss. The total amount
paid for losses during the year was
$6,626.14.
The North Fork Farmers Mutual
has been splendidly Differed dur
ing all the years Of its existence.
The present directors are: Gust
Leverson, Brooten; o. w. Kjeldahl,
Belgrade; J. B. Kjeldahl, Brooten
e. r. Thostenson, Belgrade; P. J.
Westergaard, Belgrade; Carl H
Thorson, Belgrade; H. G. Borg
mann, Sank Centre; L. e. Gallagh-
err, Sank Centre; J. r. Frederick,
Westport.
The officers are: President, Gust
Levorson, Brooten; vice president
o. w. Kjeldahl, Belgrade; secre-
tary, J. B. Kjeldahl, Brooten; treas
urer, c. r. Bruce, Sank Centre. Be-
sides the above officers the follow.
ing are the qualified agents to write
business for the company: Jos. Eb.
CONTINUED on Page ~
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Date Crack Occurred in
Old Liberty Bell Argued
1885 or 1916? The Point Is Being
Widely Discussed at Phil
adelphia

Philadelphia, Jan. 18-Whether
the famous crack in the Liberty
Bell occurred IN 1885, as is gener-
ally believed, If in 1916, has caused
controversy which is engaging
the attention OF historians.
It began when Rev. John Baer
Stoudt, of Allentown, declared the
crack occurred in 1916. Rev.
Stoudt's statement was made here
recently.
1.-THE bell was cracked in 1885
at the funeral services for Chief
Justice Marshall and not on WASH
ington's birthday in 1916, as DIR.
Stoudt claims" declared Edward
p. Monck. "It Is true that an at
tempt was made to repair 1t In
1S46 for the Washington birthday
ceremonies, but it was impossible
to fix It."
Ellis Panson Omerholter, noted
Philadelphia historian, corrobrated
Monck.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
W. M. PARKER new
HEAD OF COM. CLUB
Selected Unanimously at An
nual Meeting-Succeeds
HI. w. Bishop
OSCAR LYING, VICE-PRES
Board of Directors and Stand
ing Committees Will Be
Published Next Week

The annual meeting of the Sank
Centre Community Club held
Thursday evening brought out a
good attendance of members.
The chairmen of the various COM
mittees made reports of the years
activities disclosing that the year
had been a fairly successful one.
When the time arrived to elect Of
ficers for the coming year. Presi-
dent Bishop announced positively
that he would not consider the cleo
ton for another year. The presi-
dency of the Club usually means a
two-year sentences but Mr.. Bishops
wishes were finally acceded to.
The names of several well known
men were placed in nomination,
among them w. M. Parker. Before
each ballot all of the candidates de-
clared they would not consider the
job. The members would not take
them at their word. After several
ballots DR.. J. A. Dubois moved
that the secretary cast the unani-
nous ballot for Mr.. Parker. While
he was vigorously protesting the
motion prevailed and the ballot was
cast.
In his previous terms as Presi-
dent, Mr.. Parker has been very sue
cessful. He eventually yielded to
the demand Of his fellow-townsmen
and accepted the office.
Oscar Lying, one Of the farmer
friends of the Club and one of the
highly respected and progressive
citizens of the rural community,
was elected vice president by a
unanimous vote.
President Parker has announced
that he will re-appoint John H.
Hansen as secretary-treasurer. The
gentleman has rendered splendid
service in this capacity for several
years.
Mr.. Parker will have his list of
directors and members of his stand
ing committees ready in time for
publication in next weeks Herald.
At the close Of the meeting a
light lunch was served.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Minnesota Has One Car
for Every 3.4 Persons
States Registration is Much Higher
Than Nations Average-193O
Total is 743,988

st. Paul, Jan. 24-Motor vehicle
registration in Minnesota was heav-
Ter per capita than the average for
the whole country in 1880, figures
from Mike Holm, secretary of
state, reveal. There is now one
motor vehicle for about every 3.4
persons in the state, while the av-
erage for the nation places one We
hicle for every So persons.
The total registration Of TAB 98s
vehicles for 1880 was more than
double the figure for 10 years ago
when 332, 1852 vehicles were listed.
In the same period passenger auto
mobile registration increased from
303, 730 to 624, APO while the numser
of trucks jumped from 24,89I to
10S,029. Motorcycles seemed on the
decline in popularity when they
dropped from 3,16S in 1921 to 1871
last year.
Receipts were greater in 1870
than for any year since registra-
ton started. The total reached
81 ,089, 304.45, an increase Of $685.
664.35 over 1929, the second largest
year in the history Of the bureau.
Over $500 more vehicles were re-
gistered in 1880 than in 1929.
A total Of about $9O,OOO,OOO has
been contributed by motor vehicle
owners Of the state in the past 10
years since the enactment Of the
present registration law. This
total has been placed in the state
trunk highway fund used for build
ing and maintaining state roads.
Since 1921 when $5,50O,00 was col
lected, receipts have increased
steadily with the exception of one
year.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
December Highway
Arrests Total 129
State Road Patrol Gave Warnings
To $40 Motorists, Tags to 1,12S,
Aid ia 1,305

Although winter is thought to be
a quiet time in highway traffic, it
proved to be far from a quiet
month for the Minnesota Highway
patrol. The monthly report Of
Earle Brown, chief officer to G. M.
Babcock, commissioner Of high
ways, shows total of 129 arrests,
SO cars taken in custody, % acct
dents attended, 794 tags for illegal
equipment, 329 for improper IL
cense, 879 violators warned, and
road information and various
kinds of aid given to 1905 motor
lists.
OF the arrests SO were for driv-
ing while drunk, % improper license
Is for failure to stop at arterial, 10
for carless driving, II oversize or
overweight loads, z for improper
parking, improper lights, 4 pass
ing on curve, 2 passing on crest Of
hill and defacing highway. The
fines collected in December total
ed S2,273.
Improper license tags included
1872 for driving without license
plates, 30 one plae only, 9 wrong
plates, 95 foreign cars not entitled
to exemption, 10 without necessary
permits and % no chauffeur's IL
cense. Illegal equipment tags in
cluded 27S without rear light, PA
with one head light, 1872 large We
hicles lacking clearance light, 63
lihts out of adjustment, and 40
without rear vision mirror. Violat-
ors warned included 243 improper
turns at intersection, 184 going
thru stop sign, 1875 improper lights,
SO not driving in right lane, Sc
oversize loads, So overweight trucks,
and So with obscured or misplaced
licenses.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
mportanfMeefing for
World Var Veterans
Robert Swift Post Will Conduct
Service School Monday Eve
ming, Feb. 2

In accordance with the statewide
plan of The American Legion, Gem
mander Louis T. Lovik, of the
Robert James Swift Post No. 81, in
vites all World War veterans of
this vicinity to bring puzzling ques-
lions concerning their government
al rights, to the next post meeting
on Feb. 2, to be held at the Com
munity Club rooms starting prompt
ly at eight o'clock.
The great part of this meeting
will be devoted to a Service School
at which any former Service man
may ask for information on a spe-
cific claim or problem. In addition
the answers to 200 questions will
be announced by Post Adjutant
Thomas Clough. Some Of them are
sure to interest each service man
and may mean dollars to him or
his family.
The local Legion service officer,
DR.. A. F. Moynihan, assures War
Veterans and their dependents that
it will be well worth their while
to attend Monday evenings meet
ing, because they will learn in an
interesting way how to file their
claims with Uncle Sam. Those
whose claims are on file will be aid
ed in submitting the right kind of
evidence to prove them. Many
Service men are unaware Of their
governmental rights. Robert Swift
post, in common with 470 all over
Minnesota and 1000 all over the
nation, are taking this means Of
getting the information to war
time comrades and the dependents
of the deceased World War Veter-
ans. All are invited to the meeting
Monday evening.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Four Local Folks Have
a Miraculous Escape
Auto Skids on Slippery Pavement
and Backs Down 12-fOOt
Embankment

Tuesday morning about $3.50 as
Mrs. H. T. Austin, accompanied by
Mr.. and Mrs. w. M. Parker and
Mrs. Percy Hansen were enroute
for st. Cloud to attend the Confer
ence Of the Minnesota Diocese of
the Episcopal church, they met
with an unavoidable auto accident
about a mile and a half east of
Avon on paved Highway No. 8.
Mrs. Austin, very competent
driver, was at the wheel Of the De-
Soto sedan and driving at mod
crate rate Of speed. The snow Of
the night before had obliterated
the edge of the paving and the car
got on to the shoulder. Mrs. Austin
slowed down and in attempting to
get back on the pavement the car
skidded on the slippery road
and after several maneouvers
backed down a 12-foot almost per-
pendicular embankm ane on the left
hand side Of the road. When 1t
landed at the bottom it turned over
on it's side.
All of the passengers were ex-
tricated and after an inventory 1t
was found that miraculously all
had escaped injury. The DeSoto
was not so fortunate. The rear and
front wheel, two tenders and rum
ming board on one side were de-
molished and the top somewhat
damaged.
The ladies caught ride back to
Avon where Mrs. Austin tlephon-
ed her father, c. D. Marshall, who
hurried to the scene Of the acct
dent.
Mrs. Austin and Mrs. Hansen re-
turned with Mr.. Marshall while
Mr.. and Mrs. Parker continued the
trip to st. Cloud to the convention.
The Sauk Centre herald. (Sauk Centre, Stearns County, Minn.) 1886-current, 1931-01-29
Minnesota State Fair
Set for Successful Year
ID. ID. McEachin, Hibbing, Presided;
Raymond Lee, of Long Prai-
RE, Secretary

Installation Of officers, election
of a secretary, a treasurer, and the
appointment of supervisors for the
various departments featured the
organization meeting Of the Board
Of Managers Of the Minnesota State
Fair.
D. D. McEachin, of Hibbing, pre-
sided. Mr.. McEachin was elected
president of the State Agricultural
Society at its annual meeting, sue
ceeding Frank E. Willard, Of Can
by, who has served the past two
years.
Mr.. McEachin was formerly a
member of the Board of Managers,
having first, been appointed to fill
out the unexpired term Of the
late John Dwan, and having been
reelected several times subsequent
ly.
Lee F. Warner, of st. Paul, rep
resenting the fourth congressional
district, was returned to office as
vice president. VIM. o. Johnson, of
Willmar, and s. e. Olson, of Ada
were reelected as members Of the
Board representing the seventh and
ninth congressional districts re-
spectively.
A. H. Dathe of Barnum, was
chosen to fill out the unexpired
term of Mr.. McEachin as repre-
sentative from the eighth district.
Mr.. Dathe has been secretary Of the
Carlton County Fair for many
years.
At the organization meeting Ray
mond A. Lee was reelected for a
second term as secretary, and M. o.
Grangaard, Of Minneapolis, treasur-
er. Mr.. Grangaard. who is vice
president Of the First National
Bank Minneapolis, succeeds Walter
H. Honebrink Of st. Paul as treas
urer, the latter not being a candi-
date for office.
In the ALLEGATION of departments
s. e. Olson was made supervisor
Of admissions, and Farm Boys
Camp; John A. Stoneburg, agricul-
ture, fish and game school exhibits;
Raymond A. Lee, aircraft show,
amusements, grounds, forage light
and power publicity, sanitation,
transportation; Lee +. Warner au-
tomobile races, public safety; D. j.
Murphy, automobile show, machin-
cry, varied industries; A. II. Dathe,
bee culture, poultry; J. ". Bailey,
Boys and Girls Club work, horti-
culture; VIM. O. Johnson, cattle
dairy, horses, Lee M. Shell, speed;
George e. Hanscom, concessions;
d. d. McEachin, fine arts, legisla-
tive headquarters; H. A. Derenthal
swine, sheep, goats, and wool, and
woman's activities.