Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1931-05-19
The Once Over
BOY. THE REGENERAToR. PLEASE.
BY H. I. PHILLIPS

BOY, III R-EGENERATOR, PLEASE.
A machine that generates short radio waves which
overcome fatigue and stimulate the mind may soon
be a boon to busy executives, according to Orestes H.
Caldwell, former Federal Radio Commissioner.
When the tired business man is excessively tired
he will retire into a cabinet, turn on the Juice and
come popping out after a few moments too fresh for
office comfort. He will totter into the cabinet too
weary to dictate another letter and .galIop out with
a million red-hot ideas for undertaking a new sales
drive.
You can imagine Wltherby X. Snibbs. car Of the
pie plate industry, craving toward the Regeneration IN
able 70 answer another telephone call and stamping
forth presently 50 fun OF vigor his secretary may
have to stun him with a mallet.
When this high frequency stimulator is really per-
fected TO its fullest possibilities it may vitalize a busi-
ness man so thoroughly that he can take a brief
treatment after breakfast, o all his business over the
phone, and spend the rest OF the day looking for lost
golf balls.
Wheel in the regeneration" the chief may demand
as he finishes with his boiled eggs and Melba toast.
I've rather a tough day ahead"
The Model K?' his man will ask
mo, the big Super-Pep machine" he will reply. The
one that fills me SO full Of electrical currents I can
preside at an executive conference. do all my dicta-
uon, read the papers, carry on a telephone converse
eon ana prepare a monthly statement at one end the
same time without once calling for aspirin tablets
n many volts will you require. sir?'
Oh' give me the works. AS 1 said before. I'm IN for
an extremely hard day. I've got two board meetings.
a wage conference and a bank meeting this morning.
In the afternoon I've got a big plant inspection trip
and tonight the wife has dated me I'D for a bridge
party"
Just how much electricity do you feel YOU can
stand. sir?"
"Tnats what bothers me. There's no way of telling
when I'm fully charged. I wish you'd rite tie radio
people and see If they haven't some Instrument for
testing me-"
Well after being filled full OF electrons. he will
uaSh from the house, speed to the office ana give a
stirring imitation Of a hound chasing a mechanical
rabbit 1t will all be very simple.
But how about the office help? viii there be some
machine to put them in shape to stand the pest?
THE JOE COOK DIVORCE
Joe Cook, Comedian, Gets Divorce headline.
Well. 1t was probably done somethiru like this. Mr.
Cook clashed the cymbals. the vibration releasing a
weight which fell on a board catapuIting a co,f ban
INTO a chute. The ball ran through the chute. striking
a wire. which upset a can Of ashes onto Mr.. Cooks
attorney.
The attorney sprang 10 his feet. hitting a cord which
a shotgun. the charge from which blew
the bottom out Of a box containing three witnesses.
The witnesses fell onto a bass drum and bounded of
against a couple Of court stenogranhers. who turned
abruptly and dislodged a bowling ball. which rolled
across a table and fell to the floor. springinz a trap
which automatically pulled the bung from a barrel Of
water.
waking him from a sound sleep and causing him to
CRY. Decree granted" Mr.. Cook then walked out OF
the court room a free nan.
THE APARTMENT HUNTERS
"WANTED-Basement apartment: couple with pup
pies; vicinity Riverside drive; 300 American Circle. -
New York American.
Adjacent to a chiropodists office.
Sir Thomas Upton has been elected to the Royal
Yatcht Squadron at Cowes after waiting thirty years
for the admissions committee to approve him as a
suitable person. Well. Sir Thomas always had al idea
that he couldn't get In al once.
4
ANOTHER SIGN or RETURNING PROSPERITY
Radio program sponsors paving the talent good
money to sing, i've Got Five Dollars"
Copyright, 1881, by The Associated Newspapers