Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1931-05-20
The Once Over
WHAT? NO
BY II. /. PHILLIPS

1ue NEW II BOARD OF 1EdQe mas condemned the
use Of ticker tape and confetti in welcoming Americas
distinguished guests, and voted to urge the substitu-
ton OF "a more suitable and dignified welcome"
This action officially inaugurates the silly season.
Any distinguished visitor who got into America with
out his hair full OF waste paper would consider 1t q
personal slight. They love it.
No and then the failure OF the natives to remove
clinkers. ink bottles and iron bolts from the waste
baskets as they empty them from skyscraper win
dows may cause momentary resentment on the part
OF the days hero. but he prefers the entire contents
Of the baskets to nothing at all.
No dump ticker tape. confetti and torn paper on a
municipal guest Of honor? Not engulf him in q sea
of office rubbish? Not shower his upturned face with
the office s~weepings Of Americas skyscrapers? Don't
be ridiculousl Any real hero who didn't get the treat
ment would sue the United States.
And, assuming that some visiting hotsy-totsy ex-
pressed a willingness to forgo the office debris bath,
how would the Board Of Trade break those Broadway
office workers Of the dumping habit. It's become an
instinct. The moment a stenographer hears a drum or
a bugle In the street below she instinctively reaches
for the waste paper basket. The stuff is out Of the
window before she realizes it.
Elmer Twitchell came bouncing into the office today
with a story that the meeting at which the use OF
ticker tape was condemned was not a meeting Of the
Board OF Trade at all. 1T was really a meeting OF the
Protective Association Of Street Cleaners. posing as
Board of Trade members" declared Mr.. Twitchen,
greatly excited.
The street cleaners have been trying for years TO
figure out a way to stop this old custom" said Elmer.
1T was finally decided to resort to subterfuge. About
twenty-five of the more substantial looking street
sweepers were chosen to hire a hall and pose as the
- 49, rt&o- 80 oI oerfCrad uratch
charms and chewed peppermint drops to complete the
illusion, II any.
1T was at first proposed that resolutions be passed
doing away with official receptions. In fact one street
cleaner went so far as to make a motion that the
mayors reception committee be towed to sea and
dumped outside the ten-mile limit. Another man NOV
ed that no distinguished persons be allowed to visit
the city.
1T was a pretty stormy session, the conservative
element finally winning with a resolution merely fav-
ortng the abolition Of waste paper dumping, as a start
er.
do you know how I discovered it wosnt a meeting
of the Board Of Trader"
NO"
"A radio across the way started playing Hail the
man absent-mindedly began sweeping the room with
a big broomI"
QUESTION BUREAU
Sir:
am a professor Of classical languages at Yale. /
Hero Comes and the committee chair
want some right away. What is Greek
for Please buy an applet"
Horatio.
Sir Thomas Upton has at last been elected to the
ROYAL Yacht Squadron. This evidently marked the
clubs retreat from the position that there was no
such person.
Walt Whitman finally crashed the Hall Of Fame
the same day Sir Thomas made the Royal Yacht
Squadron. which must go to show that no waiting
list is what it used to be.
Market Shows Some Signs Of Support"-headline.
If anybody Is supporting the stock market at present
levels 1t must be a Singer midget.
II would be ironical IL one OF these days a motion
picture magnate got hit by a stray bullet from a gang
mans fight while on his way from a meeting at which
he had stoutly defended crime pictures as in no way
harmful to anybody.
Manufacturers attending the annual conference Of
the flat-rolled steel executives met today"-New York
Times.
Copyright. 1881, by The Associated Newspapers)