The Republican., 1931-05-28
SCOOPS COLUMN
By SCOOP-HIMSELF

Well, nobody has called to decipher
last weeks letter, and the writer of
the same has not accepted my chal-
lenge, SO needs be l must grind out
another column this week. And with
the track meet in full blast. I'd much
rather be out there watching the ath-
letes sink into their ankles in the mud
track. Why can't they make a cinder
track for them?
And with the weather getting
rather nice. It's time. that summer
is showing up, anyway. You know
winter has fingered so long in the
lap of spring that it has occasioned a
great deal of talk around the old burn
side stoves, drug stores and bank cor
ners.
And speaking of bank corners, if
they don't get a lot of people to lean
on the back of the Garrett National
Bank building across the way from
The Republican building, the army of
unemployed who like to sun them
selves in front of it, are going to push
it into Wilson Creek. Nit Sincell
surveyed the front of it during the
past week and found that it may be
pushed out of plumb, Notwithstanding
it's substantially and even with Neil
Fraley on the second floor with his
weighty law offices to hold it in place.
Why is it fellow chasing a straw
hat looks so comical? One of the
early season addicts had his blown
across the street on Monday and if he
felt as comical as he looked, he could
join Barnum's side show.
1 feel funny enough with one on
my head. 1t doesn't have to blow off
to make my self-conscious self crop
out and give me goose flesh.
***
Going from the high to low, or from
the sublime to the ridiculous reminds
me of the feet that got covered over
with roof paint last Thursday morn
ing. When a whole barrel leaks out
on them, to say nothing Of the shoes
and trousers, it's enough to make
one want to sleep beneath. roof that
has holes in it and leaks, isn't it, jeff ?
Knows Its Place
Contributed by one of Scoops read
ers (at least 1 hope she reads The
Republican(:
I am nickel.
1 am not on speaking terms with
the candy man.
am too small to get in the movies.
1 am not large enough to buy a
necktie.
1 am of small consideration in the
purchase of gasoline.
I am not fit to be a tip
But, BELIEVE ME, when I go to
church
am SOME money.
*#*
Colonel Bell had tree planting one
day last week in front of his establish
ment. He telephoned to the Mayor to
make an address of welcome and to
cover the life root of the tree, but
hizzoner couldn't be found, so Colonel
Bell called on former Senator Naylor
to pinch hit, and he delivered an ora
tion that was heard by Browning's
filling station employees, those of the
Sharps Motor Company and guests at
the Frantz Hotel. His theme was
"Why watering the roots will bring
forth WiAesaps."
It's too bad there isn't somebody
by the name of Cecil Faraday. If
there were 1 might be tempted to
print the poetry with. the boss edi-
tors ok) I received last Friday from
someone who signed his name.
Women who have gray eyes can
have them changed to blue or brown
by a new kind of contact glass which
fits the eyeball, according to a story
from London. But if you want a
black eye it can be obtained quicker
in the old fashioned way.
A plant called "kaabee" has been
discovered in Peru, which is three
hundred times sweeter than sugar
cane. A tip to song writer's: "When
/ take my kaabee baby to tea."
Do You Know That
It costs the county only $25 per
month for the home demonstration
agent. The balance of her salary and
expenses are paid by the State and
Federal governments.
Heated arguments on street corners
and in alleys are getting popular and
at the same time somewhat inexpen-
sive. One of the recent participants
has been called the AL Capone of
Oakland.
Tf +boro SC n etoto IN tho TInion