The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1931-08-13
SCOOPS COLUMN
By Scoop Himself

Even threats of starting haplS capls
proceedings against Ikey Sincell for
removing the bench from in front of
a., his store have not been sufficient to
"A secure his promise to restore the pc
destrain's paradise on Second street.
The Amalgamated society is in
favor of its return and at recent
meeting it was moved by Slim Shaw
and seconded by Bill Frazee that an air
cushion be purchased by Brother key
for the convenience of his guests.
There are grave rumors to the effect
that if the bench and cushion are not
Forthcoming, his membership will be
taken away.
To see the Girl Scouts getting ready
to load their outfits on the truck in
front of McIntire's Monday morning,
YOU would have thought they were
going to Europe. They even took
beach pajamas, evening dresses, and
dancing pumps, so they could keep up
their social obligations.
Echoes from the boy scout camp
are to the effect that George "Pony
Power" Stuck is strapping himself in
bed so that Junior Dixon will not be
able to throw him out of his upper
bunk when he gets the nightmare
again.
The rest of this is just to fill up
space. 1t is of no particular subject
If it had been written on any subject
it would not be here.
Ever since l have been here and for
centuries before that l guess, the
same dictionary has been on its pedes-
tai in the front office where Archi-
baldson goes to see how to spell sche-
dual, receive, paradice, parallel, and
hemorage. 1t was dated 1893, be-
lieve, and doesn't carry the words
Star Spangled Banner, because Fran
els Scott Key was just little squirt
in those days.
Now, however, we have new one.
The boss editor loosened up, (the
other one was falling to pieces) and
got us late edition of brother Web
ster. Now page taken from Noah
under any letter from A to 2 would
be interesting. Under A would be
found the word "ass." He is pa
tient fellow with long ears. He is
dull but surefooted, and can kick twice
in the same place. There are not as
many asses as there are horses but a
lot of people try to make up for the
deficiency.
Then you can turn to B and will
find the word "booze" which will re-
call memories of other days and pre-
sent daze. Then turn to c and you
will find "cask", which came into
usage when there was need for con-
tainer.
Under NJ there is "Mescal" which
is high-powered drink of Mexico
Under @ we find "quack", who is one
protesting to know something and
doesn't. We could have a regular
quack pond here. Then there is
"quaff," which means to drink deep
Nv. A lot of them around here quaff
and quaff until they are entirely sub
merged.
Finally in the Q's there is "Quicha"
the name of an Indian who was al
ways joking so much that people,
when they saw him, would say
"There's Quicha, kiddin." Hence, down
thru the ages.
You will finally reach the last word
on the last page. 1t will be "zythum'
and means a kind of beer. There
ought to be colony of Zythumites
here, just like the Dukaboors, OF
something like that.
And About Cussing
Whenever you feel the urge coming
on, do not cuss, as it is too common
Anybody can cuss. Instead, turn to
the dictionary and find words to eX-
press your thoughts without profani-
ty, for instance "You spindle shanked
ostracised, lop-eared, moronic mon
strosity and so and so. When used
with proper emphasis these words are
just as good as cussing and your
opponent will never know the differ
ence. Your repartee will be perfect
with little practice. You know, the
proper definition of repartee is the
thing you think of afterwards that
should have been said at the time.
Stick to your dictionary and some
day you will be as great as Noah, that
is, if you live to be as old as Methuse-
lah.
If there weren't so many pallbear-
ers for this depression it wouldn't be
half as bad at it seems.