Evening star., 1931-12-13

the grateful Poles were about to unvei
a statue to Senator Borah Borah was
there himself and consented to be
inter- iewed by Polish correspond cents
The prime minister of Poland entered
to nnveil the statue to Borah, say ing:
You have put Poland on the map
even If you want to take it off again"
He pulled the rope, unveiling the
statue, which turned out to be Aimee
Semple Mcpherson.
Mellon Hailed Into Court.
Economic conditions were portrayed
in court room setting, where bankers
brokers, economists and Secretary Mel
lon were arraigned on various charges
OF violating traffic regulations on the
Prosperity highway.
Brought before the court as a traffic
violator, Secretary Mellon was intro
duced by the arresting officer as "the
gra-atest Sec'tary iv tn Treasury since
Julius Ceysur"
Mellon displayed his driving permit
TO the iuGge.
why, this driving permit expired
March 4, 1929" said the judge. Il fine
you--"
Easy, Judge" pleaded Mellon. 81
haven't got cent, and I owe over
SZ,UUU, ,UOO ,OOU.
Gov. Pinchot stepped up and offered
to pay his fine
Entered the ultimate pedestrian. -
badly crippled, on crutches, with patches
over his face.
My name, he explained to the court,
is Ultimate Pedestrian. I was stand
ing on the corner when that broker
signaled me to get in his car. That
banker gave me push, and then that
economist and that politician told me
TO hurry up. l was knocked down in
the traffic jam, and when I came to
all OF these men were standing over me
and telling me that we were funda-
mentally sound and giving different ad-
vice. The last I remember was that
fellow Andy saying I'd be all right in a
few days That was two years ago, and
I'm just getting out Of the hospital"
Seth Parker at Geneva.
The guests were invited to spend an
evening with Seth Parker not at Jones'
port, Me, but at Geneva, Switzerland,
Thereupon the members of the League
OF Nations entered attired in costumes
indicating their nationalities, while Seth
Parker Cecil OF England and Ma BRAND
OF France took their places at an old
fashioned melodeon.
f, Well, Ma BRAND" said Seth Parker
Cecn. mere we are, all gathered at the
OLD Geneva homestead once again; but
us sad occasion. Dear old Uncle
Sam has not been back since he disap-
peared IN 1919 to tread the primrose
path OF dalliance with Charles Evans
Hughes Give us chord, ma"
= Thereupon the chorus sang, sadly:
Where is olIr uanSeripo co,o +o,oiol.4
The Sam Of our tenderest care,
The Sam who was once our ioy and
III light,
The uncle who gave us the air?"
Uncle Sam thereupon appeared in
his accustomed beard, but dressed in a
very much shrunken white sailor suit.
He announced that he had been "out in
q roWboat with Frank b. Kellogg and
we're both all wet"
To the tune of Just Break the News
10 Mother" and the melodeon accom-
pa1lment, Uncle Sam sang:
Just break the news to Moses;
I'm not what he supposes;
50 tell him not to wait for me,
For I'm not coming home
The White House now discloses
There's nothing left for Moses,
so MI his cup with hootch for me
And break the news to him"
-, With Uncle Sam safe in the League,
the chorus sang:
Throw out the lifeline,
Throw out the lifeline,
Some one is drifting away.
Throw out the lifeline,
Throw out the lifeline,
Some one Is sinking todayl"
The scene then shifted to Manchuria,
Where the Japanese decided that the
United States was Waging unauthorized
war against bandits in Nicaragua; that
IL had set up puppet government, and
the League of Nations ought to inter
Vene.
Borah Decides on Manchuria.
PlSh-tush Borah, one of Japan's
leading statesmen, paid his respects to
President Hoover and the Kellogg pact
as follows:
our great Mikado, virtuous man,
When he TO rule our land began,
Resolved TO try plan whereby
The world might best be aided.
So he decreed that all who hence
A war Of conquest should commence
CunleSS 1t was in self-defenSe)
should forthwith be blockaded, block
AIDED, blockaded-
Should forthwith be blockaded.
AND expect that you'll agree
mat ne was wrong to so decree,
And l am wrong and you are wrong,
ana all is wrong as wrong can be.
President Furnishes Senators.
The President of Japan, who bore a
certain resemblance to President
Hoover, sang:
An proSy, dull, political persons
Who chatter and bleat and bore
Are sent by the dozens
To Copeland and Couzens
Who speak from ten to four
The Jittering johnson, whose vocal
villainies
AL desire to shirk,
Shal! during off-hours
Exhibit his powers
To DR. Hubert Work.
The Watson or Walsh who utters pre-
dictions
In statements to the press
Is made to dwell In a private hell
And drink water with Senator Fess.
The expert who in the midst of depreS-
sion
Declaims at the White House door
Is made to hear screeches from Cool
ldge'S speeches
Delivered in 'twenty-four.
Hoover Plan" Revealed.
In the Cotton Pickers' Jubilee the
Democrats were assembled to take over
control Of the House. Representative
Kyale, the lone Farmer-Laborite in the
House, entered to plead for some Of the
old retainerS about to be ousted,
These men don't want to leave the
old place." he said. They want a truce
or the Hoover plan"
What Hoover plan?" asked Garner.
Mortgage your own home, brew your
own beer. and pick your own jury" ex-
plsined Hpale. .... a..
AFTER Representative naed 1ssad rt.