davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

I looked around the class.
Not one good looking man in the
room. MODS OF intelligent ap-
pearing women A gray haired
prof sat at the desk, reading a !
large book. The chairs were TN
comfortable. There vere no
rungs to put your feet on. The
room was on the third floor. jill.
| dropped the course
California PsEcon.
She Why in the devil are you
wearing those o~veralls?
He: You said we were going
to a collegiate formal, didn't
you?
u. Of 5. Calf. WGmsas.
Here is an invitation 10 my
golden wedding"
your golden weddingr
Yes. / am going to marry
the only son Of a millionaire"
-IosUc FrivoL
Il have twelve months 10
live"
Didn't that doctor give you
Just a month 7"
"Yes, but ! went to twelve
doctors"
-Northoresteyn Purple PGnot
IN CHICAGO
III mast be q clock" said Oscar
For
As he listened to the package in
his mGIbo<.
HI opened IL Hf, 10 his careful
sVdy-
His funeral took place the Other
day.
~ -To1ru FrivoL
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

and ever ready with his witty re-
marks. says the drug business is
okay in Matamoros ard nov we
discover why gentlemen from
Brownsville and the Valley y. and
from Matamoros also. are short Of
coffee money and loose change.
there are too many lemons on those
machines also cherries and plums
land a person soon discovers that
there Is lots OF fruit but they sell
dom find the right combination. W..
seems that the citrus industry is
thriving in Matamoros. 49,. lemons
leading the list. Ion almost every
throw except they are missing
on the second and takL-g a
last look around wei venture TO the
Fair grounds. and discover that
people r enjoying themselves.
and everybody is having a grand
time.
Twenty years ago cancer stood
eighth in the death list; today il
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

It won't hurt but a minute.
If you will Just sit very quietly
in the chair here while I get a
good hold on it. One quick jerk
and it will be out. You'll hardly
feel it. Brace yourself on the
arms while / pull il. One, two,
three and it's out. Now, if you
viii just be patient while I pull
about six more and your eye
brows will be perfectly arched
again.
Colorado Dodo.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31
SCHOOL PLANS
BIG OPEN DAY
Superintendent Mars To
Attend Dedication Of
Harrington Plant
Especial to The HERALD


HARLINGEN, Aug. $3.50 proud
IS Harrington OF its magnificent new
high school building. constructed at
a cost Of S350.C00 including the site,
that open house Will be held Thurs
day afternoon following a brief
dedication program, according 10
Supt. Paul L. Phipps.
State superintendent S. NJ. N.
Mars Will come 10 Harrington Tor
dedication OF the new building and
following the short program the
building will be open 20 inspection
by the general public.
Mr.. Mars Will dedicate the
building il the ourse OF his talk.
Mrs. Floyd Smith, prominent
Farent-Teacher Association worker,
will have charge Of a short seated
program following Mr.. Mars
speech. Joe Lyday and his band
will play during the afternoon.
The building will be kept open
until after business hours for the
benefit OF those who are unable to
visit the building before. Supertn-
tendent Phipps says that the school
board invites not only patrons and
friends Of the schools in Harrington
but every interested person In the
Valley to see the fine new building
which has been erected here.
Growth Reflected
This structure reflects Harlin-
gems growth. Superintendent Phipps
points out, for in 1920, when he
first came to Harrington the school
properties were worth only S69. 900,
there were only TIL pupils enrolled
only i8 teachers and only IS
graduates from the senior class.
He ccntrasted this with the
s585oC0 worth Of property now
owned by the school district, the
2.735 pupils enrolled last year. the
73 graduates last spring and the 81
teachers employed.
This year he expects an opening
enrolment Of over 1000 in all the
schools with a final enrolment Of
over 5000. This is a reasonable
estimate. he said. based on the
rate of growth in former years.
There were $50 pupils in the
senior high school last year. The
new high school has a seating
capacitv Of 500 which can be In
creased 10 900. This means that
present senior high Accommodations
should take OF future growth for
4 number OF years.
Several new courses have been
added. he said. ore Of them is a
ir-rfo- n. q. r. G.. another romruls-
nv rhvsical training and the third
v-n-'d history.
-~orlirren high school has 33is
f--i+S ar affiliated credit rs COM
~a-nd with 1914 IN 1870.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31
A. q
e .

"Are you sure that's q mar
riage license you gave me last
month";"
"Of course. What's the mat.
ter with it?"
swell, 1 thought there must
be some mistake. I've been living
a dogs life ever since"
whats the worst feeling in
the world?'
when your rich grandma
dies and wills you the antique
rug"
p. II. I. Snibe7.
Rhodes Scholar: And poor
Williams was killed BY a revolvs
ing crane.
Englishwoman: Heavens !
What fierce birds you have in
America
-Te+dS Ranger.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31
CUPIDIANA

What have men done to de-
serve being husbands?
Women marry to be happy.
Men marry though happy.
"A man IS not necessarily bad
because his wife wants to re-
form him.
Love Z woman madly and des-
perately, and then all the things
that she needs will be taken from
you.
There is nothing more disap-
pointing than to 90 in quest of
love and find only happiness.
If one tells lies to women, one
IS sure sooner or later not to be
found out.
With the manners of a man,
any woman nowadays can gain
a reputation for being civilized
Men never die for women
They die for love Women never
die for love. They die for men.
They do not take love serious
ly who love only once
Some women atone for being
married by always being coquet-
tish.
Love is a matter of vanity.
That is why even sensible men
take It seriously.
One whose love lasts does not
know how to love at all.
BY IgnGeio ManIaPGs.
Old Lady (as car gives jolt :
Was that a serious accident, con-
ductor?
Conductor Not to u, madam.
The car just ran over a dog.
o. l.: Was It on the tracks !
c: No. we chased him up an
alley.
-DrereTd,
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31
GAMBLERS LIKE

GAMBLERS LIKE
Diamonds because they are
fashy.
Hearts because they win the
women.
Spades because they dig up
the gold.
Clubs because the suckers
stay there.
-IViscors;n Octopus.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31
THERE'S ONE AT EVERY
HOUSE EVERY e A

o u EVERY YEAR
The girl who brings a trunk
The girl who brings a chaper-
on.
The girl who brings her poo
die.
The girl who brings her ter
rible sister.
The girl who brings her rol-
ler-skates.
The girl who brings her bath
ing suit.
The girl who doesn'i take
home what she brings.
The girl who doesn't come
Cornell WidozC.
~Just bought a new novel"
as it long!"
"Oh, no-you can read It IN
two lecture periods
-Pennsylvdrid Panrh Bo7rL.
-
"Going to the dance tonight?'
"Nup, l got a gangster date
with Jimmie"
"A gangster date?"
yeah, he's going to take me
for a ride"
-Ricc O-yl.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

Sophomore: I'm for a FIVE
day week. How about you.
Bill?
Ditto: Nav, / m for a FIVE
day weekend.
did. Rammev-JGsrriey
Shock: Do you Ike cleo
tricity?
Absorber: Nav, it makes me
ohm-sick.
-West Point Pointer,
"Whatya doin'?
I'm writing a book"
"IVhat a novel ideal"
- -Lehigh Barr.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

SEATTLE. wash. Arg. 2o.-Rus-
sell Cadturv. ?. Is p rluckv little
led with his father. James. he re-
Gently arrived here seeking his
mother. WIN wes su--osed 70 come
ro~r ard wrn has d'sarnea-ed He
end his dad beat their wav over
srnn miles from st louis on fast
frolrht cars bird baggage trains
anf the rods. Thrv vent without
- often On the way
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

A. 4AA1
AUSTIN, Aug. 30.-Barry Miller,
while he was out recently asking
the people TO elect him governor,
actually was governor and didn't
know It.
Gov. Dan Moody had gone out
Of the state on a hunting trip that
lasted a day, He had not planned
20 cross the state boundary until
ne was off on the trip. and had no
opportunity TO notify the lieutenant
governor Of his absence.
Friends here OF Bob Holiday, e
Paso, have been gratified at the
prospect Of his selection as chair
man Of the democratic state o n
vention, and are predicting he will
handle the conventions business
with credit to 1t and honors to
himself. tFs
His selection will be a happy
choice as a tribute to his own Wig
orous campaign work and to the
concerted support Of the new nomi-
nee by those who make up the
present administration, they h-ve
pointed out.
Il did nothing and said nothing
IN the campaign that I have cause
to be ashamed Of" Robert Lee
Bobbitt had that comment to make
and nothing else when he buckled
again in the harness to four months
Of hard work for the state az tho
sum total compensation Of S333.33
per month. After that he will re-
sumo a law practice earning him
as much In a few weeks as the
state job pays in a year.
Canals came first. then railways
then highways. lastly Always. Now
all four are being developed and
spread over Texas at the same
time. With recent new projects
1880 viii be known as the second
era OF railroad building. The intra-
coastal canal Is being bailt; high
ways are being built and air trans
portation lines are steadily ex-
banding.
Gov. Dan Moody has modified
forces for emergency drouth relief
for the scattered spots that have
been hard hit. with the dispatch
and the precision Of military mob
ilization. Some OF the steps taken
include:
Emergency loans to save farm
ers being forced out OF counties
most affected.
Red Cross relief to prevent act
ual suffering.
Unit organization to receive loans
Tor feed and new-croD seed.
EMPLOYMENT OF idle farmers or
public construction work.
Low freight rates to import feed
and 70 ship cattle to pasture.
Stabilize cotton prizes bv an all
Southern movement to buy cotton
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31
~ HOW LONG AGO
THIS TOOK PLACE?

Voice on Telephone: Hello.
Is Sergeant Scay thercf
Voice at Telephone: Don't
know. III see
Voice on Telephone: Well
Tell him to hurry His crate of
army shirts IS leaking!
-Zip'N Tang.
On the Telephone: Is this
the State Nursery
Other End: Yes, madam.
o. T.: Well, I'd like to hire
n nurse for the afternoon
Colgate Banter.
And Of course there is the un-
educated auto manufacturer
who thought that Little R. Rid
ing Hood was an accessory.
Colgate Bonte7.
Modern youth is indeed self
correcting: Any couple who
should be put off the floor 60
after the first dance.
M. I. T. Zoo Doc.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

Twenty years ago cancer stood
eighth in the death list: today it
Is second.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

The Radio Announcer gives
a Dinner Party.
Goblin.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

The LATEST man in the world
is the one who held a cocktail
shaker in his hand and waited
for an earthquake
-Noythzvestern Purple Parrot.
"yVhat is an easy way to learn
to skate
"StI- a pillow on behind"
"But | always fall forward"
"Then wear a derby and let
your ears act as shock absorb
rs"
Pitt Panther.
did you hear Of Jack step
ping in front Of the train?"
mo. Was he killed."
mo. The tram was backing
ip."
tAnother case for the police
Temple OTpl.
-
IF
If uere Prery of this land,
/ zVoMld not take its crime to
hand.
I should not enter foreign 5rors
Nor monkey Nth domestic lGsUs.
I'd fHr- my face TO crying need.
(Ths issue Of the day, indeed I;
I'd argue and I'd burn the lamps
For tasty gum on postage
stamps.
California Pelican
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-31

France has become the worlds
second largest producer Of naval
stores.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1930-06-10
The Source of Laws
(St. Paul Dispatch

VSL FHUI DlSpaICnJ
A survey OF the sources of legislation In Ohio reveals
the growing influence of citizens organizations upon
law-making. Such associations, based upon occupations
and other interests, outdid the members Of the upper
mouse OF the assembly. These groups numbered 81, as
compared with 81 state senators. They framed 80 of the
267 bills introduced in the last legislative session, and sue
ceeded IN having ~ per cent enacted into law. State sena-
tors drafted 70 measures of which only 8 per cent secured
a place upon the statutes.
Doubtless other states could parallel that record. Pro-
LESSONS. trades, devotees of the outdoors, war veterans
and promoters of ether activities have each some CEN
tral organization to watch their legislative interests.
There Is an advantage here. Data can readily be COL
lected to the end that bills can be drafted expertly, and
the direct influence of a large number of interested citi-
zcns is brought to bear on behalf of the measure.
The experience of Ohio demonstrates the advantage
OF origin that is possessed by a lobby born bill. The
brain child of a legislator is less favored. The state
senator is responsible to a constituency, and is under oath
TO serve the interest of the public az a whole rather than
a group. There are no such restrictions upon lobby leg
station, In framing legislation it is difficult for a mere
representative to compete with a citizens organization "
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1930-06-10
Who's High Hat?
THE Pathfinderl

NAASS AlxlIlOC
Senator Copeland must have been under the influence
OF his own health talks when he blurted out that more
SILK hats are worn in the United States than ever be-
fore" Where? Though this daily red -carnationed New
yorker may occasionally wear a topper himself, few of
MS colleagues do-and certainly the country at large is
not high hat" Once silk hats were quite the thing for
wear IN Easter parades on Fifth avenue. But not now!
ana as Tor the senate, high hats there are as scarce as
TOOLS at a plumbers picnic. There was a time when
members Of congress invariably wore silk hats and, believe
II or not, even the newspapermen who covered 1.-The Hill
iolowed suit. Some of us still remember the time Elihu
ROOF was razzed for daring to wear a straw hat to the
tnen hlgh-hat cabinet meetings. But those days are
gone. The present cabinet meets in business suits and
the senate and house do likewise. Even when it comes
10 honoring dead colleagues delegations of senators and
representatives have of late been reluctant to appear in
SILK hats and accessories. In fact. few solonS today pos
sess such extensive wardrobes. Mr.. Copeland may have
been thinking OF his own empire state, where legislators
are perhaps more dressy than those in Washington. Even
SO. Controller Tremaine of that state declined to honor
Oils presented by six assemblymen for rental of frock
coats and silk hats to attend a funeral. 1T is not a prop
or charge against the state" he argues. To which con-
grcss seems to add, check and double check"
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1930-06-10

BRONCHITIS

After having passed through the
season when colds are plentiful, there
Is bound to be an increase in the
number Of those who are affected
with bronchitis. With most people
this disease is not severe, but it is
uncomfortable and prevents proper
relaxation because Of the coughing
and raising Of mucus.
Children and very old people are
apt to suffer most. Chronic bron-
chitis is nearly always preceded by q
cold or by an attack of acute bron-
chitis. The acute attacks are usually
over within two weeks. However, the
tendency Is for chronic bronchitis to
remain in a mild form.
The acute attack usually begins
with a cold In the head. The irrita-
ton extends to the throat so that the
patient Is hoarse. There may be some
fever and loss Of appetite and pains
In the muscles. The inflammation
spreads from the larynx down into
the bronc!1i, which are the two large
forked tubes conveying the air to the
lungs. The case is true bronchitis
when these large bronchial tubes have
become inflamed and their mucou
membrane becomes swollen, irritated
and actively engaged in throwing off
discharges of mucus and pus mate
rial.
The patient begins to recover when
the cough loosens and brings up the
mucus End muco-purulent material.
Chronic bronchitis usually brings
about a thickening of the bronchial
tubes and is therefore more difficult
to cure than the acute bronchitis, al
though both diseases will usually yield
to very simple measures.
1t is usually a good plan to begin
the treatment with a two weeks fast
on orange juice, using a glassful of
juice every two hours during thu day.
and one or two enemas daily. This
assists in cleansing the blood stream
so that less irritating material is dis
charged through the bronchial tubes.
Other eliminative treatments, such
as shower baths and skin friction tubs
are helpful, and it is a good plan to
use hot applications over the chest
and back. The deep therapy lamp is
very useful for this purpose. as it
brings about a greater flow Of blood
through the lungs and bronchial
tubes.
After the fast the diet must be very
carefully regulated so that the
amount Of ~acid-forming foods is held
to a minimum. The best results are
achieved If the starches and sugars
r used sparingly or not at all for a
time. The foods which leave an
alkaline ash should predominant il:
the after diet so that the alkalinity OF
the blood stream will be increased.
BY persisting on this diet for as long
as necessary the patient may be sure
of freeing himself from the excretion
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1930-06-10
The Need of Advertising

The Importance of continued, uninterrupted advertising
campaigns to the American manufacturer or distributor
is strikingly emphasized by Roger Babson, economist, in
an interview with Sturges Dorrance, president of Dor
rance, Sullivan & CO., New York.
Because 1880 is a census year" says Mr.. Babson, lit
is interesting to speculate what the census statistics will
tell us about advertising as a force in American business.
Merely for the purpose of illustration let us project the
trend of former years and assume that the 1880 data will
indicate that the United States as a market is increasing
at the rate of 1000 new customers per day.
Every day 1000 customers to whom your goods are
absolutely unknown! Every day TOGO people with whom
you must start all over again and tell them your story
and teach them to use your products! 1t has always
seemed to me that this is the greatest argument in the
world for ceaseless advcrtising.'
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1930-06-10
Time to Clean Up Chicago

The Chicago UNDERWORLD again mas SIcPPeu u Ol u
path to commit assassination.
Until Albert Jake Linglc, Investigator OH the staff Of
the Chicago Tribune, was shot dead, Monday, in a crowd
cd pedestrian tunnel under Michigan avenue at Ran
dolph street, the gangsters had been confirming their muir
ders to their own members. Outsiders felt little or no
timidity in mingling in the life OF the city on business
trips and visits of pleasure, nor did the natives worry
much for their own safety. All the murders were within
that inner government Of the big city which leaders OF
rival racketeer gangs and their followers ~eXemplil;cd.
In fact, there has been no murder quite of the Lingle
type since McSwiggin, the assistant prosecutor of the city,
was slain in what may have been a crime to block the
course of the law, or an incident of being in company Of
rival gang chiefs.
The very bold and brazen character of this latest as
sassination should steel Chicago and all supporters of
clean and safe government to stamp out this underworld
Of vice and crime. Italy. under Mussolini, has been able
to dispose Of such powerful murder societies as the Malta
or Black Hand. The vigllantes of the wild mining camps
in the old days were able to clear them of bad men, gun
men and desperate killers by the most drastic means
known at that time, usually a limb of a tree and a rope,
sometimes by a little gunplay.
AS Chicago has a government that by no means can be
counted on to rescue it from the grip of these gangs and
killers-being itself in alliance with and practicing crime
it hardly will help to turn to the ruling political regime
as a step for Kidding the lake city of its inner criminal
government. The leading taxpayers Of the city recently
banded to help the municipality out OF a financial slough
in which the Thompson gang had mircd it. Something
Of the same kind might help rid Chicago Of its assassin
gangs.
Back in the 7Os Pennsylvania coal regions we're at
the mercy Of a gang similar In character to the Chicago
killers-the Nelly Maguircs. The authorities Of the hard
boiled anthracite towns in which this secret band OF
assassins flourished and intimidated entire communities
were unable to match power with the terrorism Of the
Mollies. Finally a private citizen-pcrhaps it should be
said a semi private citizen, as he was a Reading railroad
official-took the situation in hand and through tho de-
tective skill of James Mcfarland, a Pinkerton man,
penetrated the secrets and personnel of the Mollies.
brought them all to trial and conviction, whercupon the
law hanged a sufficient number of them to wipe out the
whole fraternity of assassination.
Chicago needs a cleanup of that kind. Perhaps there
are men or institutions in the city that now will under
take a work like that of Franklin B. Gowen. Led BY the
fearless Tribune, whose loyal servant the gangs have
just assassinated, it should be possible to wipe out these
latter day Molic Maguircs who terrorise the lake me-
tropolis.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1930-06-10
What Aviation Needs

we're talking eagerly of the day when airplanes would
be as common as autos; the day when the average citizen
would own his own plane and would CAD about the coun-
try in it, for business or pleasure, as nonchalantly as he
now does in his auto.
Now it is becoming apparent that that day is a good
deal farther off than was then supposed. William B.
Stout. famous Detroit airplane manufacturer. contends
that 1t is the fault of the industry. which has failed to
improve the design of the plane so that the ordinary
man can operate it.
Things are going to be different says Mr.. Stout.
I'VE are going to fix it so that a man can take a couple of
lessons on Friday and fly his plane home on Monday
MI. Stout has exactly the right idea. When planes be-
conc that simple, aviation as an industry will boom just
as the auto industry doomed. But it won't until that day
actually arrives.