White Bluffs spokesman. [volume] (White Bluffs, Wash.) 1907-1938, 1930-07-11
Observation-Disclosures.
MY
FAVORITE
STORIES
s0AA4n.
The Matrimonial Shopper

Observation-Disclosures
The Matrimonial Shopper
MY FRIEND, v. V. McNitt, head
AVA of big syndicate, is himself OF
Scotch ancestry and he is responsible
for this story of man from the land
of his forbears.
A young Scotchman, methodical.
painstaking, and sincere. as so many
of his race are, had been bachelor
of long standing. Since coming to this
country he had saved his money un.
til now he felt he was qualified prop.
erly to support a domestic establish
ment. One day he went to friend.
he said. "In fact, I'm looking around
now for wife"
"Where are you iooking?" asked his
friend.
''I1l tell you," said the Scot. TITS
my belief that the girls who work as
clerks in the big department stores
here in New York are mighty fine
types. AS a rule, they are we'll
dressed and tidy and good looking
and have nice ways. They must be
self-reliant or they wouldn't be work.
ing. They have to be intelligent or
they couldn't hold their jobs. They
know how to make dollar go long
distance or they couldn't dress as we'll
as they do on the modest wages most
of them get.
My notion is this: On pretext OF
wanting to buy something, am go.
ing to tour the big shops until see
girl behind counter who seems to
fill my requirements. Then I'm going
to find out her name and make private
Inquiries as to her character and dis
position, and If she answers all the
requirements I'll secure an introduce
ton to her and If she seems to like
me I'm going to ask her to marry me-
Six months went by. The cautious
Scot and the man to whom he had
confided his plan of campaign met
again. The latter thought his friend
looked rather careworn and unhappy.
GLOW are you getting along?"
"Well," said the Scot, I'm mar.
ried man, if that's what you mean"
SWELL, did you follow the scheme
you had in mind mean the one you
told me about the last time saw
your"
eyes, married girl that worked
at Macy's."
Congratulations How's every.
thing getting along?"
The Scot fetched small sigh.
Sometimes" he said, II can't help
thinking that maybe might have
done better at Gimhel's."
A Small Tale About a Large
Nose
a NEW YORK playwright famous
"A for a gift Of sardonic humor, was
invited one evening to join an after
theater party at one of the Broadway
cafes.
The prospective host told him ne
would be expected to pay some atten-
ton to lady friend of his-the hosts
-fancee.
The dramatist was wary. He re-
membered that more than once he had
been called in at the eleventh hour to
fill this role.
''Tell me something about this GIRL
he said. "Is she good-looking or Is
she one of those total losses?"
SWELL" admitted his friend. "she
isn't exactly what I'd call raving
beauty, but she's awfully nice-guod
company and all that sort of thing,
you know"
Eyes, know" said the playwright
mournfully SWELL, for your sake I'll
take chance.'
When he reached the appointed
rendezvous at midnight, his worst
fears were justified Sitting at a la
BILE with his friend and his friends
sweetheart, was an exceedingly dumb
looking young women Her most out
standing feature-and In this cOnnec-
ton the word Feature" advisedly is
used-was an enormous nook nose.
To the dsmayed eyes of the new ar
rival 1t doomed as the largest nose he
had ever seen affixed to human
countenance. So, before Joining the
party. he fortified himself copiously
| from the contents OF his pocket flask.
| Presently, somewhat groggy but
bearing himself with all proper dig
nifty, he approached the group and in
Productions took place. With some
slight difficulty he seated himself His
fascinated gaze meanwhile fixed upon.
the nose of his appointed vis-a-vis.
An embarrassing little pause fol-
lowed. Nobody seemed to have any.
thing to say. 1t was the befuddled
dramatist who broke the silence.
Bending forward and addressing the
stranger. he said politely:
II beg your pardon. but do you
smell anything dead around here7"
,"Why. no." she said.
swell. them" he continued. with an
air of finality there can't be any
thing dead around here