The Indianapolis times., 1930-08-12
Criticism in
Public Ends
in QuarYeLS
BY MARTHA LEE

After marriage Is no time to start
telling a husband his faults, but
Just the same, faults do become
unbearable at times, and most
especially TO those who have 10 live
with them.
1t has been wisely said that the
little things are the stumbling
blocks TO happiness. Big things
can be put out on the table and
talked over. but the little insistent
things seem. taken one at a time,
so inconsequentiai
Il seems so foolish TO start an
Argument or a quarrel over some
little annoyance that so easily can
be ignored or overlooked.
But every once in a while these
little things pile up so high they
can not be ignored, and then it
turns out that IL would have been
better TO have several small argu-
ments than 1t is to have one big
blowout.
Leads TO Hatred
one Of the worst faults of hus-
bands and their wives is criticising
each other in front of other people.
This is a fault that is bound 10 lead
70 a small hatred eventually.
A man or woman who indulges in
this little pastime is bound TO end
UP badly. It's inexcusably rude and
hurts far more than any other kind
of "bawling out" A private criti-
cism can be overlooked. because
there are only two people know
about il.
But when a man picks the scene
of a party to tell his wife Just ex-
actly what he thinks is wrong with
her. he's making it public affair.
He's hurting his wife infinitely more,
Just as she offended him more
deeply when she chooses an audi
ence to make her little suggestions
as 10 how he could improve himself.
If men and women who have be-
come husbands and wives only could
learn to treat their mates with as
much courtesy and respect as they
do their friends fewer marriages
would end in the courts.
Tact Less Offensive
Just because men have signed on
the dotted line to support women
for the rest of their lives is no rea-
son why the women can take ad-
vantage of the fact by remodeling
their manners and morals. All this
is done more safely before marriage.
Nor has a husband the right to
rebuild her entire character.
Suggestions. subtly made, are
much more effective. And certainly
less offensive.
Dear Miss Lee-Mv husband has ter
ribie fault that is causing me to lose all
the love ever had for him.
Like most people. have my faults and
make mistakes. NV husband seems to
store them up in his mind until We get
with a group Of friends. and then pro-
cecds to tell me about them in front OF the
gathering.
And nothing seems to give him more
pleasure than to have me make an error
when there Is an audience around to hear
him bawling me out.
I have asked him so many times TO
nlesse wait until we get home before he
corrects me. But It does no good. He
lust acts surprised. as though he did not
realize he had humiliated me before other
people
He does lot Of things that get on my
nerves terribly. one of them is ''kidding''
with the walters and mattresses whenever
We 60 out 10 eat. The lowest form Of wit.
in my estimation is a wise crack at a
waitress. Yet I've held my tongue about
this. not only in front Of other people.
who are. I know. as embarrassed as
when he docs il. but also when We are
alone. What's to be done?
CHAGRINED.
A truth session every once in a
while would be a good idea for any
married couple. Every month or so
the wife should tell her husband
exactly the things he has been do
ing that she diSlikes most, and in
return he should relate her faults.
II it is understood to begin with
that it's gonig to be an exchange
of 'grudgeS' for the good Of their
souls, surely each would take their
errors for what they have been
worth.
From then until the next truth
session it would be a good idea to
never mention faults, even in pri-
vate, let alone in front of any one
else.