Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-07-13
NJ ARGUS B. BOOMERSHINE des-
HH perately stepped out of the ele-
/HA vator on the third floor at the
same moment the typical prod
AI@;= r,;ekia ;o1 n

HA vator on the third floor at the
same moment the typical prod
uct of this modernistic jazz-mad
age debonairly stepped in. The typical prod
uct, female and 20, of the jazz-mad age STEM
ographed in an importers office on that floor;
and Mr.. Boomershine, handsome young
throwback to the mid-Victorian era, exercising
his pedal extremities on the stairsteps SOM
berry realized that if he had been closeted with
her in the elevator for as long as go seconds it
would have meant he would have been short
as much as $40 for the nocturnal whoopee she
would Immediately propose.
The bitter fact that, in his acquaintance
ship with her, she had proposed just about
everything but marriage, and that seemed to be
her next logical mis-step. Had braSh frankneSs
uSurped her sense of decorum? Was she des-
tined forever to continue overly bold and for
ward? Had modern youth gone beserk in a
rash attempt to destroy venerable conventions?
He chaked up, mentally, three dismal yeSes to
these interrogationS.
Mr. Boomershine, walking slowly along the
tesselated hallway of the second floor, in the
hope he would miss the typical product of the
jazz-mad age at the street entrance, had that
old, familiar yearning come to his heart again:
He wished, most fervently he could get to
know a nice young girl, modest and old-fash-
Toned, whose predictions in life were limited
to q vineclad cottage dahlias in front, chickens
in back, baby on the floor.
happened to light on closed Office door whose
gold-leafed letters announced it as entrance to
THE FriedShip Bureau-'A Letter q Day Keeps
Heartache Away"
NOW Marcus B. Boomershine's days were Of
the usual twenty four hours eight Of
which were spent in sleeping and eating, eight
in working over the blueprints in an engineering
firms Office, and most of the other eight in
lodging the typical product of the jazz-mad
age, who knew what she wanted and wasn't
averse to seeking it in her own way-said want
being time-honored question, and after it the
deluge of rice and old shoes.
Mr.. Boomershine, after . cautious look
around, impulsively tapped on the door.
That oriice was promptly opened by o
plump little man with bright eyes and q soiled
collar. His name, convivally he introduced
the operating genius behind thousands Of
friendly epistles that forced cardiacal cramps
to maintain discreet distances.
The Friendship Bureau" he explained, after
MIR. Boomershine had haltingly detailed his
predicament, will satisfy your most cherished
desires, sir. I have on file hundreds of names
and addresses of lovely damsels who, living in
remote sections of the country, wish to CORE
spond with worthwhile persons Of masculine
persuasion. The persuasion usually comes after
the dozenth letter.
ITO file your name, address, character quail
ificationS land material worth nominal
charge of IS is made-this fee emitting you to
the same facts regarding any member of the
other gender herein enrolled Now, Mr. Boom
srshine. have you any special preference as to
the residential locality of this quiet modest,
old-fashioned girl with whom you wish to de-
velop q platonic friendship"
Mr.. Boomershine, the new member, had not;
but he said that the farther away she lived
from the metropolitan dens of jazz, the better
Z suited him.
The operator of The Friendship Bureau then
went to his files, advising: well, my dear sir,
when you hear a prospect which appeals
Kindly stop me-"
i. Sensible Sarah" monotonously recited Mr..
&nthicum, Tipping the card index mot SO
lefty. but fine disposition Never been in love-
aethough anxious. Likes dancing, poodles and
pfnochle. Have paid-up life insurance policy
No use for skinny or bald-headed mse. Others
please write.
Sweet Sixteen. Large blue eyes, but admit
to gold tooth. Aspire to family life of large
dimensions. Contract bridge hobby. Heir to
mortgaged farm. Prefer the John Barrymore
type, but willing to compromise. Please write.
Lonely Heart. Very old-fashioned, but said
to be- pretty and intelligent. Yearn to make
friends with any man of wholesome ideas
and simple outlook. Love children, chickens
and flowers, especially dahlias Please write
Natural blond, almost. Vivacious and"
Lonely Heart doesn't sound SO bad" inter-
posed Marcus B. Boomershine, pink competing
with his tan. st always did maintain that IL
q person liked dahlias there couldn't be any
thing radically wrong with him or her. My
mother had them all over our front ys,rd back
in Ohio. May I have that girls name and