The Coolidge examiner., 1930-08-15
SAN|TAR|UM FOR
BALD HEADS
ARIZONA DREAMS
(Ted Healy)

We asked the Old Timer why he
didn't run for office? A few min
utes before he had dropped in, got,
as he called it, the loan of cigar,
settled himself comfortably in a
chair, and seemed to be waiting for
us to make a conversational break
So we took chance.
Run for office? Well. | should.
Have spent lots of time running
from office holders of one class, and
turn about is fair play; and if prom
ises count for anything in getting
elected, that is my strong failing
But l have a better idea of getting
rich"
The Old Timer paused, seemingly
interested in our efforts to keep a
persistent fly from making of our
dome top a skating rink.
"Say, when | get my incorpora-
tion going you can disguise that
bald head of yours with a crop of
hair. | am going to start bald
heads sanitarium at a place l know
of in Mexico. There's millions in
it. More money in it than in
politics, where you've got to work
two years to get enough money to
run for the same job.
"Yes, I'll tell you all about my
sch ne, except the location of my
hair-restoring spring in the noun
tains.
About twenty-five years ago. |
landed broke in Chihuahua, Mexico,
and met up with another griugo
with enough dinero to buy grub, a
wagon and burros. for a trip over
land to Guymas. We broke camp
one fine morning and headed west
ward. Three tramp hairless dogs
we had been feeding followed us,
running under the little wagon our
burros were hauling. When the
hairless pups got tired we tossed
them up onto the tenting and blank
cts.
For about five days my partner
and l hoofed it, always upgrade,
and camping in the most likely
place when evening came.
"It was a great life, there were no
bandits in the mountains. and game
was on our menu every day.
"On the fifth day. out of Chihua-
hua we camped at spot where
there was abundant pure water and
also a big mineral spring fed by
three or four small springs of both
hot and cold water.
"This spot in the Mexican noun
aims is where my company, when
organized, will build our bald-head-
ed sanitarium."
"You mean your sanitarium for
bald heads, don't you, old sport?'
Sure, and | will now tell you of
what we discovered and how We
camped at this beautiful spot four
days and had hot chicken soup
every day"
"Hot chicken soup, where did you
get the chickens?"
Didn't have any. One of the hot
springs tasted just like chicken, all
you had to do was add pepper and
salt. We got fat on it, so did the
pups, who played around in the cold
mineral springs every day.
When we got ready to leave
those hairless NUTS had started to
grow hair. One was red. one white
and one blue, and when we reached
Guymas they looked like a new
breed of monkey-faced Angora
goats dyed in American colors. 1t
was the mineral water in the spring
that made thhe hair grow. My part
ner and l went to work repairing
an old iron-plate lime juicer ship,
and figured on saving our money.
We kept our discovery of the hair
restoring spring a secret. Jim, that
was my partner, drank a load of
tequila, chased a couple of imagin-
ary white elephants with pink eyes
off the pier, fell into the water and
drowned. Later the revolutions in
terfered with my sanitarium idea.
but seeing as how you will make
good patient for the sanitarium. and
things in Mexico have quieted
down, will let you in for enough
money to incorporate the company;