Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1930-03-21
No Market for
Ant Hills
BY MORRIS A. EPSTEIN

was in confusion. Suspicion was
rife that the Old Man was going to
read the riot act on efficiency again.
The entire force wis on the qui vlve,
from the girls at the classified desk
to the managing editor himself. An
excltant expectancy hung on the air,
and exploded suddenly like SUR
charge of dynamite when the an
nouncement came from headquarters
that the Old Man wished to see every
body-at oncel a il a
He saw everybody-at once. And
when they saw him they knew that
Moses anger was waxing hot. He
glared at them savagely with fierce
ness that threatened another shake-up.
There's too d--n much waste eff
fort In this organization. Got to stopi
Understand? Got to stop You're
bunch Of ants, working like power
house and getting no place. Wasted
effort. Misdlrected energy. Ants The
ant may be model of industry but
there's no market for ant hillsl
II provide you with the most up
to-date newspaper building in the
state, modern equipment, new de-
vices, every facility for intelligent
work. And yet, like sprawllng babiee
you use things awkwardly, break
things that should never be broken
and misuse the very tools that arg
created for your special purpose. Anv
hills ~
The berserker's glance swept tho
room like hot wind.
Every time Henderson receives \
new volume for the editorial roomH,
he breaks the binding when he opens
1t. Ant hills Wilcox insists on shak-
Ing the entralls out Of his fountain
pen whenever he uses 1t, and tato0s q
green Ink design on the new slx-ffty-
a-yard llnoleum. Ant hills Then the
dumb Janitor in hopping 1t up uses q
caustlc soap that eats up the design
as well as the llnoleum, just as sure.
ly as any acid will eat the cork out
of bottle More ant hillsP'
BY this time they were all sitting
dangerously near the edges of chairs,
waiting with taut nerves for fre
crackers to explode under them.
always doing the right thing
wrong. Saw Jimsen the other day, reg
ulating the elghty-dollar watch you
gave him with fifty-cent pen knife.
I'll bet boiler to cinder that half
Of you men shave with dull razor
blades. Ant hillsl"
BY this time the Old Man was
pounding the desk furlously. The staff
sensed that "ants" was to be the new
'shibboleth.
.Loasa 10 do-thfngs right. II rex
quires no more energy. There are
two ways to do everything, but only
one Of them Is the right way Miss
Hanson, you-you are declded--a
most emphatic blond Why do you in.
sist on using brunette rouge2 And
you, Simpson, you've got no business
smoking fifteen-cent Corolas. You
don't know how. You lay them down
and let them dry out. The edge OF
your desk looks like It had been in
fire. And you two fiappers at the
classified-you were both Off two days
last week with indigestion. knew
you would be. You were eating green
bananas for lunch the day before.
saw you. Ripe ones are Just as cheap,
and whole lot easier on your stom-
ach. VIII you ever grow up. all Of
you.
ION that last assignment you had.
Hopkins-the Fourth Street raid
you never got there until It was all
over, because your battery went dead.
Did you ever try to put water In II
every thirty days7 looked over your
car yesterday, to see whether you
leave the caps Off your tire valves.
You do. What do you think they
make 'em forf More ant hills And
Mrs. Reed"--a slow, deadly pause-
"Qult sucking your pencils In the IN.
turel They're not candy. II softenA
the lead, warps the wood, poisons your
mouth. It Is not"
Just then Edison, who was holding
down the day desk, burst into the
meeting In wild excitement.
"Mr. Pennypacker Pardon me, sir,
for intrudlng. But-it-it just came
In on the phone, sir Your--your
country home burned down this morn
ing, slrl"
whats that" beloved the Old
Man. "Where was the fire depart
mentp
well, sir, they got there too late
The chief said they couldn't help IT,"
The Old Man turned to his aston.
ished STAFF triumphantly. Here was
an unexpected catastrophe that lent
final and clInchlng power to his argu-
ment What was the financial loss
compared with the exultancy OF his
sprt2 With magnificent, conclusive
sweep of the hand. he snorted In dis
gust.
"Ant hills agalnl"
eyes SIR" said Edison weakly.
"That's right, SIR"
Edison, you're fired What IN the
hi are you talking aboutT
"About ants, sir. You see got
the FIRE chief on the phone right away
for the details, you know-and he
told me they've been having trouble
lately with those rural alarm boxes.
You see, sir, they discovered that
black ants have been filing the alarm
boxes with fine wood part, IS, which
Impaired the mechanism OF the box.
That's why they didn't get the alarm,
slrl"