davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
PROCRUSTES
-Bu Herbert Kaufman.

There are folks who still page for the Great Golden Age
And invoke the old gods from The Mountain:
Wights who'd lounge in the haze Of those days
When Oympians might with a flip raze
forest or maybe, by love set acraze
Turn an obdurate fay to fountain
But as Time recollects, in some divers respects
The aeon far overrated
And though golden it be- it has Oft seemed to ms
Pinchbeck stuff and, at that, thinly plated.
For example, taxi-cab couldn't be had,
And the cut of their dress coats shockingly bad
While the Ritziest Inn (f there's fact in reports),
Was ramshackle, one bedded roadhouse Of Sorts
This sleep-shop-(orgive the descent into blague)-
Was maintained by Procrustes, cut-up and wag;
whimsical rogue, with flair for q hoax,
And custard-pie slap stckish penchant for Jokes.
His slogan is still widely printed to wit:
Our motto is, We fit the hardest to fit.' F"
Should undersized wretch
Fail at full length to stretch,
Clear from headboard to foot on q rack he was put.
Or should petuant saesmen complain that the sheet
Left gap at the shoulder missed at the feet,
With technique precise
As a surgeon 8, he d slice
Heads and hands from his guests til they fitted real nice
What's the moral7 Oh dear,
Don't make the point clear?
You forgotten pinched ratons and raised fear
When mine host patriotically helped win the war
By halving our portions and charging more
The modern Procrustes don't dsocate sockets
Yet ''hotel operators (significant namely,
Keep pulling the travellers leg just the same
But trimmers they stick to his pockets.
and Ksum.u1
The Washington times., 1930-02-08

HIS couple (they do not look VERY Old) had lived
together and wife for eighty years when this
photograph taken
The man. Laszlo Nadosy is 105 his wife 102 years old
Hungarians still residing in their native land and working
On the land in the Hungarian peasant costume they quite
satisfied with what life has given them.
They never had automobile, vacuum cleaner, radio
set tractor piano able to play itself electric wash
Ing machine,
They are in good health piece of ground know how
% cultivate it. believe that they will to heaven when they
are through with this earth and continue to be happy there
Many with ten thousand dollar automobile and
Zen million dollar bank account might envy them.
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
Papers Advocate

l. An agreement of Enghsh-speakng peoples to pre-
serve peace among themselves and to promote the
peace of the tUorld.
z. Proportional representation IN the United States
Senate no State to haze less than ta0o Senators,
Legislation to enforce prompt constitutional reap
porttonment IN the House of Representatives.
3. separate Department of the Army, of the Navy
and of the Air Forces all united under q Secretorv
of National Defense.
T. Federal action to the limit of Federal poaOers to
abolish dtiterGcy IN the United States under a
Secretary of Education
s. Election Of Congress in November Installation
on the first Of January tolloUins Inauguration
Of the President first Of January nert after
November election.
The Washington times., 1930-02-08

THREE great industries which
= have had phenomenal de-
velopment in the United States
in recent years are automobile
manufacture, radio. and the
films. Henry Ford is generally
regarded today, not as q great
scientist. although he is as
Suredly an inventor Of no mean
ability, but as a benefactor of
mankind for placing the means
of quick and ready transporta-
ton in the hands of everyone.
Marconi, the inventor of wire
less, recently declared that the
immense and rapid develop
ment of the radio was largely
due to the punch" put into it
by American enthusiasm, en-.
ergy and inventive genius.
America today, and virtually
from the outset, has enjoyed
practically a world monopoly
Of the film industry; and this
monopoly bids fair to be main
tanned for some time to come.
Much interest is now being
displayed in the films, looking
to their future development.
To some, the films appear as a
pictorial substitute for thought,
inducing aimleSS reverie rather
than consecutive thinking. They
have been described as a
"divine narcotic" a sort Of
"Solace and slumber song to
humanity"
From the scientific stand
point, the silent films have al
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
The Future of Films
BIZ Archibald Henderson

ready been perfected to a high
degree Of excellence. The ma
chimes and lighting devices are
extraordinarily successful in
producing lifelike and moving
images of real life. No great
improvement in technical excel
lence need be expected, nor in
deed is it required. It is prob
ably only a matter of time when
all films will be done in color,
to the great enhancement OF
their beauty and human appeal.
Then, too, televiSion is just
around the corner. Marconi pre-
diets that in a short time people
will gather in public places and
see thrown upon the screen pic
lures Of events, as they happen,
thousands of miles away. The
latest horse race or prize fight,
a battle in Manchuria, an air.
plane flight in Antarctica, the
coronation of the ruler Of an
empire. The interest in tele.
vision films will necessarily far
surpaSS the present interest in
news reels of all sorts. There
will be the interest in theghap-
penings as it takes place; since
the outcome will be unknown;
the victorious army in a battle,
the winner Of the Derby, the
world championship acquired by
q Dempsey or a Paolino,
The future of films is a par
ticularly intriguing subject,
since a film Of a dramatic sub
ject may be viewed both as a
work Of science and as q work
Of art.
The Washington times., 1930-02-08

DROF. MAX F. MYER, Of
= the University of Missouri,
circulated sex questionnaire
amongst his students and was
promptly bounced by President
Stratton D. Brooks, and his
board Of directors for doing SO.
Which is one more argument
for getting your education out
in the wide open spaces instead
of in colleges.
If there's one subject, above
all others, which should be
taught in our colleges. it's sex.
And to suspend a professor be-
cause he encourages a discus
sion of it, is about as assinine
an act as could be perpetrated.
There is a Sweetly idiotic
tradition, still firmly believed
by Nice People. that a knowl-
edge of sex arrives spontan-
eously When The Proper Time
Comes.
4AAo A0 POAC COII1Illy IOb.
1t is no more possible to
learn the vast truth about sex
in a flash of intuition than it
is to learn differential calculus
by closing ones eyes and re-
peating "eeny meenie mimic
MOP ,..
Sex in 1880 is not a single,
physical act nor a group
of bodily reactions. It is a mil
lion evolutions removed from
jungle mating and has as little
relationship to that primitive
function as grand opera has to
the grunting of a gorilla.
The young gorilla could learn
all he needed to know about
sex from instinct and observa.
ton. Not so the modern young
American. Sex is no longer a
question of knowing where
babies come from. It is a uues.
ton Of knowing where love
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
Something New in Apartments

It Beats a Hall Bedroom.

TWENTY-sEvEN-YEAR-o New York bachelor who
has made his modest millions will soon move into pent
house apartment 1t is threesory sixroom suite The
furnishings will interest you.
They include:
Racks for 100 shirts, 100 neckties
Six radios,
massage table,
concealed piano, keyboard exposed.
Clothes closets large enough to hold platoon soldiers
Private bar with builtin seats and lounges
Winding staircase Of aluminium.
Balcony Of silver
Decorations by Lee smonson Theater Guild designer
The barroom illuminated automatically to permit shades
OF light to harmonic with the cocktails The walls
with diagonal panels of red silver and deep blue.
The gentleman of the house-there is lady naturally
lie bed and without lifting his head from the pillow can
tune in station turn combination of lights or
reach for any of several hundred books he desires
literature.
It sounds comfortable None criticize the young occu
pant for making himself happy He made his money in open
business, as anybody else can with brains and luck
When he how Of postwar ilonaires spend
their millions he may be astonhed his moderation
However gives something to think about in this
Of all possible worlds.
The other side of the picture less agreeable Lodging
houses full OF thousands of miserable wreche
OF poorly paid and hudded sweatshops living
in daily terror OF losing their little jobs outcasts without
nickel between them and starvation Unemployment up de-
spite soothing statements from amiabe gentlemen in high
office.
with most Of the wealth in possession of the few poverty
and want lurking around the corner for the many.
We progress but slowly. The millennium not vet quite
here it would seem, in the year of our Lord 1890.
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
ONCE-OVERS
Forget Past Missteps

Forget Past MisStepS
WHY should you try to keep
w alive the bad things done
by those who have reformed
themselves? Why speak of an
unpleasant past when the pres
ent is better?
It Is a pretty mean mind that
cannot let the good cover the
misdeeds Of the past. It sounds
as If you were not genuinely
good yourself that you Should
so often bring up the dark spots
in the lives of others.
If YOU had within you a spirit
Of tolerance, forgiveness, help
fulneSs and a spirit of uplift
you would try to assist those
who are trying to make them.
The Washington times., 1930-02-08

selves better. It is a difficult
job to climb out of the mire
to get out of hole where
one has fallen. The person who
tries to get out should be ad-
mired, assisted and encouraged
in every way possible.
You would find that you
would get more out of life If
you would be kind and helpful
to those struggling to help
themselves. There would be
less bitterness and more joy
in your own life.
Perhaps the reason you seem
so intolerant is that you fear
for the weaker ones in your
own family and what such as
Sociation might do.
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
THE MARRY
GO-ROUND
BY Helen Rowland,

10y E1CISN kSUWIdHu-@s
Why I Envy q Man
I WANT to be a Big Strong
= Man-and be taken care
of"
The two parts of the above
sentence may not appear to
"synchronize," but they DO.
Everybody takes care Of" a
man. Every woman he meets
thinks she was divinely ordained
to mother him. All the disagree
able little tasks Of life are
gently and sweetly lifted from
his shoulders by some feminine
hand.
Some woman is always cod
ding him. Some woman is
always acting as a human
buffer between him and all the
uncomfortable situations of
daily existence.
If it isn't his wife or his
mother or his stenographer. it's
his sisters or his landlady or
the houSemaid-or any of the
hundred or so odd women who
cross his path through the
world.
Woman may have gained the
right to do a mans JOB down
town, but she will never escape
from the harrassing little job
lot Of jobs, uptown that are sup
posed to be "woman's." Her
own sex won't LET her!
Perhaps If a hard-working
business woman could manage
to appear as helpless about
little things as a man does, she,
too, might be coddled. But
she CAN'T. She is too accus-
toned to waiting on herself.
Even the hotel maids, to
whom a guest is entirely i'm
personal, make a fine diStinc-
tion. The maid always hangs
UP a man is pajamas and puts
his Soiled linen in the laundry
bag.
But a woman's lii ole nightie
can lie there on a chair until
she comes In and does her
womanly duty and puts il whsre
1t belongs.
Does a MAN ever come in
and find his dancing pumps
right where he kicked them off
under the bed? Or his hat and
gloves lying on the bureau? Or
his clothes in a huddle on the
closet floor?
No, dear heart! Some sweet,
tender-hearted little woman will
take care of all that for
him!
Is a man expected to count
his own laundry. mend his own
hose, pick up his own news
papers. and put his own hanKieS
away in neat little pile? Does
anybody ever suggest that q
man might get his, own break
fast and make his own hats and
sew on his own buttons3 ]
should say MOTT
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
The knowledge Test for
Readers of The Times

Do you know
l. What is caviar?
g Who wrote Under the Red Robe"P
s. What is meant by Utopia?
f. When forks first used?
S. Where the first American Swedish colonyP
g. What is the melting temperature Of ice?
T. what is pewter made?
g. In what play is the character Iago?
g. What is affidavit?
TO- What is meant by the expression belum?
Match correctly:
H. Arson Comedy Of ridiculous situations
r. Parable From the juice Of lemons
13 Farce Exact copy.
L. Citric acid Felonious houSesburning.
Is Fac-Simile Concrete examples Of spiritual truths.
RAnsWeM q Fiction PAEs
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
Scientific Note
A New Era In Communication.

inventor took arplane ride the other day and
"A phoned to his wife many miles distant from the plane
Among other things he told her he wanted for
steak and mushrooms.
STEAK and mushrooms his wife repeated obedently He
eated He testing radio device permitting clearer
telephoning from planes The experiment was success
Still more interesting the fact that got stew and
spinach, -
The Washington times., 1930-02-08
WORDS FROM LIPS OF WISE MEN

1t is better to believe that
a man does possess good quail.
ties than to assert that he does
noC' Davis.
: Many things difficult TO d.
sign prove easy to perform
0cA johnson
The Washington times., 1930-02-08

The lack Of wealth is easily
repaired; but the poverty of
the soul is irreparable.
The more we study, the more
we discover our ignorance.
-Shelle4 -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
MERGER OF RH0DESIAS
INTERESTS AMERICA
Dominion Status Would Permit In
vestment of q. s. Capital
in Mine Projects.

BY Radio to The Star.
JOHANNESBURG, South Africa, Oc-
tober THE proposal to amalgamate
Southern Rhodesia and Northern Rho
desia under dominion status has impor-
tant significance for America, as 1t
would remove Northern Rhodesia from
the direct control of Downing street ard
provide fresh opportunities for Ameri-
can capital and development.
American experts are watching the
situation closely, with their eyes direct
ed particularly toward the copper fields,
where much American money already Is
invested. Nakana starts production
next year and most of the other mines
will reach the production stage at a
time when the existing sources in other
parts of the world will be petering out.
At present non-British enterprise is
unwelcome, but self-government would
certainly open the doors much wider.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
MRS. KAO YING FACING
SMUGGLING PENALTY
Prison Sentence Imposed for
Bringing Opium Into U. s. Up
held by Chinese Court.
By the Associs ed Press.

By the AssociE ed Press.
NANKING, China, october Sen
tence of Mrs. Kao Ying, wife OF the
former Chinese vice consul in San
Francisco, to four years imprisonment
and fine of $4,000 Mexican, as a re-
suit of Her conviction for smuggling
opium into the United States, was up
held today by the Nationalist govern
ment Supreme Court.
The Supreme Court ordered the cases
Of Kao Wing, her husband, who also
was arrested In connection with the
opium smuggling activities, and Sun
Yuan, former Chinese consular aide in
San Francisco, retired in the Soochow
court, where all three originally were
convicted.
The three were arrested several
months ago in San Francisco, when
United States customs officials broke
open trunks belonging to Mrs. Kao
Wing and discovered opium valued at
close to half a million dollars The
trunks were admitted into the United
States under diplomatic immunity. She
denied knowledge of the opium, saying
she took the baggage to the United
States for friends. Her subsequent trial
and conviction followed removal to
Soochow from San Francisco.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
CITIZENS SEEKING
/ PLAYGROUND SITE
Tract in Congress Heights
Sought for Pupils in
Public School.

The Washington Highlands Citizens
Association held its initial meeting OF
the Fall season last night in the Con-
gress Heights School. Miss Bessie B
Warren, president, presided.
In line with community need fol
recreational facilities, the association
will request the Capital Park and Plan
ming Commission to consider the ad-
visibility of purchasing large tract
of farm land in Congress Heights, nov
the property of st. Elizabeth's Hospital
for playground purposes. With 900 pu-
pills enrolled in the Congress Heights
School, the only school in the district
the association pointed out, the need fol
q large playground Is urgent.
A committee, comprising Mrs. H
Marmaduke, Mrs. Mary Cole and Mrs
Richard Elgin, was named to further
investigate the playground situation.
A letter will be addressed to the Dis
trict Engineers Office, inquir1ng why
improvements in street-paving on At
lantic street, authorized last year, have
not been started.
The meeting concluded with vote
of appreciation to DR.. j. B. Payne, for
mer president, for his services In be-
half of the community.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07

yesterday said the commission had
reached complete agreement on the
principles of the act, including a pro-
vision that laws concerning lands be
left to the Fono, or annual chiefs
meeting
The organic act, Chairman Bingham
said, will specify all citizens of Samoa
shall have equal rights regarding
ownership Of lands, but that In defining
citizenship the Fono shall not discrimi-
nate against citizens, whether they are
full or part Samoan blood, providing
they are otherwise qualified"
The complete statement of princi-
pies will be announced at a meeting of
the commission tomorrow, to which
chiefs of all districts of American Samoa
have been summoned by messengers in
airplanes from the cruiser Omaha.
Albert Judd, legal adviser of the COM
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
CONGRESS TO BE ASKED
FOR $3.50, 600, 900 DoLES
Unemployment Relief Move Plan
Announced by Secretary Of
Peoples Lobby.
ny the As.ociated Press.

BY the Associated Press.
NEW YORK, October benjamin
G. Marsh, secretary Of the Peoples
Lobby, announced last night that dele
cation Of Liberal leaders would petition
Congress to appropriate $250,0OO, O0C
for relief Of the unemployed, when il
re-convenes on December /.
Mr.. Marsh. addressing meeting OF
the lobby, said party leaders at Wash
ington would be urged to push the bill
through to afford immediate results
and that the State governments would
be asked to set aside similar sums. He
viii be q member Of the delegation.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
Berlin Sprinklers Speedy.

To clean and flush its streets IN less
time, Berlin, Germany, is installing
small one-man sprinklers. They are
about feet high, and can be maneu-
vered almost with the ease of baby
automobile. The cost Of operation is
slightly more than half that of heavy
motor sprinklers.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
1881 BELIEVED PEAK
OF INFANT PARAL YSlS
California Health Board President
Says Death Rate Lower Than
in Previous Waves.

BY the Associated Press
SAN FRANCISCO. October with
1,251 cases of infantile paralysis re-
ported in California this year, DR..
George e. Ebright, president of the
State Board of Health, said the peak
apparently had been reached.
While complete mortality figures for
the year were not available, DR.. Ebright
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07

mission, was instructed to draft state
ment of principles and to begin a first
draft of the organic act.
1t appeared certain yesterday the COM
mission would recommend to Congress
that Samoa continue under naval ad-
ministration as it has for the last 80
years.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07

said the death rate was lower than in
preceding waves of the disease.
The situation has remained unchanged
here for nearly two weeks, DR.. Jacques
Gray of the Board of Health reported.
Twenty-one new cases last week and
% the preceding week we're reported.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-10-07
SAMOAN GOVERN MENT
PLANS ARE DRAFTED
Senator Bingham Announces New
Law Whereby All Citizens
Have Equal Rights.
BY the Associated Press.

BY the Associated Press.
PAGO PAGO, American Samoa
October 7-Senator Bingham of Con.
necticut. chairman of the congressional
commission appointed to draft an or
ganic act for the government of Samoa
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-01-23
FIGURES ARE GIVEN
OF U. S. LIVING COSTS
Slight Decrease in December Noted
in Washington, but Prices Show
Advance Elsewhere.

Although living costs throughout the
entire Nation rose seven tenths of /
per cent in the six months period
ended last December, similar costs de-
creased by five-tenths of 1 per cent in
Washington, the Labor Department
announced today. Living costs in the
Capital show drop of six-tenths of
sper cent for the year which ended
last December, but were 59.2 per cent
higher than costs In December, 1914,
and 200 per cent lower than living
costs in June, 1920, when all items
rose in a crescendo of increase that
reached its peak in the middle of the
second year following the close of the
World War.
Throughout the Nation the average
cost of living in December, 1929, was
TIA per cent higher than the average
for 1913 and L per cent higher than
in December. 1928. From June to De-
celnber average food prices for the 80
cities surveyed increased 81 per cent,
while small increases were noted in
fuel and light and miscellaneous items.
Rents decreased Ia per cent, clothing
one-half of ! per cent and house fur
nishing a per cent.
Here is the way living costs have in
creased in Washington from December,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-01-23
DUPLICATE
$lOONOTES OF U. S.
Counterfeiters, Believed in
Russia, Produce Best Imi-
tations Ever, Says Bank.
BY EDGAR ANsEL MowRER.

BY Radio TO The Star and the Chicago
Daily News, aCopyright, 1880
BERLIN, Germany, January %. -
Somewhere in the world--possibly, but
by no means surely, in Soviet Russia
there is one Of the greatest counter
terfeiting establishments that has ever
existed. This laboratory, for it can be
nothing else, specializes in 500 United
States notes, printed on genuine Treas
ury paper or an imitation so exact that
it cannot be told from the original.
These notes began to the circulated
through Germany apparently about last
Autumn by certain Franz Fischer,
alias Holm. alias Voigt, who came to
this country from Russia at the be-
ginning of 1929 and passed as a MEM
Der of the Communist party. He was
particularly prominent in public dem
onstrations, where he took a leading
part as an orator.
Accepted From Fischer.
A small banking house, called Sass
g. Martini, accepted the 500 notes
from Fischer and passed them on to the
Deutsche Bank, which sent the bills
to the National City Bank of New York
About the middle of December the Ma
tional City Bank informed the
DeutSche Bank that the 500 notes
were counterfeit, "the best limitations
ever SEEN"
A police investigation followed. 1t
developed that the firm of Sass g. Mar
TIM possessed only two clients, namely
the said Franz Fischer and a certain
DR.. Necker. Furthermore, the history
of the said firm is mixed up with vari-
Gus shady transactions and leads to a
nest of enterpriSing financial rats, who
even published a small Spectators
sheet, THE Economic Adviser" of which
DR.. Necker was editor.
Enquiry and Result.
Once the police informed the big
banks that false 500 notes with pic
ture of Franklin were in circulation they
began investigating, with the result that
any number of banks, large and small,
found FiScher's notes among their for
eign cash. Today Stock Exchange talk
is of nothing else but the faxed bills,
since the amazing skill with which they
were made almost baffles detection.
Fischer is supposed to have made at
least So, 900 by his transactions, though
the exact total is still undetermined
Fischer himself has been missing since
October and rlmorS are afoat thGt he
has returned to Russia, while certain
newspapers do not hesitate to speak of
the Soviet government as possibly being
implicated. The Berlin police believe,
however. that Fischer is likely to be
hiding in Berlin. So far all investiga-
ton has failed to detect the source of
the notes. The American embassy is
also conducting an investigation.