Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-05-22
The Once Over
NAVAL TREATY LEXICON
By Il !. PHILLIPS
Copyright. 1880. by The Associated Newspape

NAVAL TREATY LEXICON
Copyright. 1880. by The Associated Newspapers)
Parity-An inequality Of naval strength arrived at
by looking through the wrong end Of the binocu-
lars.
Pact-A bale of white paper suitably engraved;
something diplomats autographed instead Of a base
ball.
Treaty-same as pact only with a pink ribbon at
tached.
Foreign Relations Committee-A group Of senators
none Of whom has been abroad.
Escalator Clause-YouIl hear plenty about this
without going into it here.
Ratio-A proportion Of battIeship distribution ar
rived at b. whirlng a swivel-char.
Merchant Marine-A sailor who has made good In
business or vice-versa.
Naval Affairs Committee-Politicians whose sons
have cupboard motors.
Executive Session-A meeting at which the delegates
really and confidentially admit everything is a mess.
Plenary Session-A huddle during which no sub
stitute may be sent into the game until he has been
searched for messages from the coach.
Capital Ship-A war vessel no aircraft can miss.
Auxiliary Ships-The boats that generally save the
day in spite Of the admiral.
Limitations-The combining Of all f~irst-class naval
powers to two second-class parleys a year, exclusive
OF London and Geneva.
Six-inch Gun-A naval weapon, the instructions for
the operation Of which fill six inches of paper.
Eight-inch Gun-Same as six-inch gun only noisier
and a little harder to keep polished.
Naval Holiday-A PERIOD during which citizens
signing themselves PRO Bono Publico" flood the news
papers with letters accusing the government Of short
sightedness.
Combat strengt1-A table Of confusing figures sup.
posed to show the official lineup about as inaccurate
ly as you get in any souvenir program.
Tonnage Allotment-A form Of international re-
during cream produced by combining essence Of bo-
"a with equal parts of typewriter ink, honeyed
7r and sweet spirits Of apple sauce. Still well
and lay in a cool dry place until the next information
al dispute.
Pariey-Any gathering OF smiling people who sus-
pect one another Of the worst.
Naval Expert-Any delegate to a disarmament par
ley who knows enough not to look at a compass to
see what time it is.
Lines After Reading MI. F. Scott McBrides Testimony
A little liquor now and then
Is relished by the best Of men
And it Is proper, SO I think,
For certain Congressman to drink:
Home brewing is, ii seems to me,
Okay if done with secrecy
In short I'm for the volstead act
In theory, but not in fact.
The United States has sued the Radio Corporation.
General Electric, Westinghouse, American Telephone
@AA AS4SSAaPhs 1CAASAdA A1OtOIo ana GENERAL A1OLOrS
Radio Corporation. If it wins we will presumably
have to go back to the magic-lantern, the horse and
buggy and the vaudeville ventriloquist for diversion.
ssss
The suit should, OF course, be broadcast with Ora
ham McNamee giving the play by play and Floyd
Gibbons the summing up.
Commissioner Whalen Is out 10 arrest the New York
jay-walker.
Say. where do you think you're w~alking?" the
traffic cop may demand.
Home" the pedestrian may reply.
Well, back UP and don't move those shoes again
till va get the signal" will be the ultimatum.
What many pedestrians want to know is whether,
II they are left standing in front of a department
store by their wives for more than two hours. the DO
lice can tow them away and impound them?
President Hoover caught 90 trout in one morning
recently. The Senate is powerless to veto a worm.
Senator Johnson's desk hasn't been tobbed in the
last "a hours. Probably the culprit decided to save
time by going to the drug store and buying a stamp.
DIRGE
My stocks are getting lower.
My bills now soar, 7 fear;
I only save the daylight
A few months in the year.
] -Aphasia