Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1930-03-07
$685. ..s~s *@4@@
The First
Million
By JACK wooDFoRD
...s...s. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
(Copyright.1

E6vFESVHrYNEN%EE E$E%TEETTT%TW
(Copyright.)
FUNNY about people who seem
shiftless. Sometimes l think they're.
just laughing at the world. That they
see, perhaps. something that the rest
of us don't see. always used to
think that the shiftless people were
that way because they couldn't be any
other way. even If they wanted to.
But there was Archie Mcdonald.
We went to school together. Gram.
mar school, high school. Archie
never seemed to care whoop wheth-
er he made his grades or not. Usual
ly, in fact, he didn't. big, lumber
ing blond fellow. You'd have gotten
lrritated at him, except for that grin
Of his. And the twinkle back of
his blue eyes which always made you
feel, little vaguely, that he must
have joke on you. Though
you didn't mind his having the joke
whatever II was.
He didn't go on to college, and I
didn't see much of him for four years.
. and then, one day, he dropped
into the Office where I had gone to
work year after leaving college. He
didn't look the same. He'd come up,
he said, on account Of a girl. She
had left home and gone to the city.
He had followed. He was persuaded
that she cared a little for him, and
he was mad about her. He asked me
out to dinner with them that eve
ming Asked me to suggest good
place.
picked out a quiet little cabaret
not far from the hotel where he was
stopping
Vera, the girl, was sufficient ex-
cuse for a mild case of insanity. Tiny
little thing. with swapping brown eyes
and blond hair. could see that she
did care something for him from the
way she looked at him. Probably.
reasoned, she had refused him because
of his shiftlessness
AT the cabaret there was a fairly
good male voice. Because of the size
Of the place. perhaps, the man sang
through a megaphone. saw Vera
watching the man closely Singing
evidently was thing that got to her
saw Archie watching her closely.
and for the first time ! saw that he
was looking utterly sober and solemn
I wondered what he was thinking
about when later, he transferred ell
of his attention to the singer made
a guess but as found out aft
erward was just ten million miles
away.
didn't see anything Of the pair
for about month, and then one day
got a call from Vera. She had the
straDgest request to make that ever
heard.
"Would you mind, awfully," she
asked, "escorting me to that same
cabaret tonight i. Archie told me
to phone you he was too busy
to- don't know what he's doing. At
any rate, he will be singing there
tonight"
OF course, after that, wild horses
couldn't hold me back. Archie Sing
ingi Archie who had voice like a
combined fog horn and file the
most awful singing voice anyone ever
heard.
I picked up Vera In taxi at half.
past nine and we went to the cabaret
Got a seat near the front. We were
just in time The announcer was CIV
Ing spiel.
"The only voice that equals Caruso,"
he was prattllng. will favor Us with
several selections tonight" There was
a general laugh. And then Archie
came out upon the stage. He didn't
look al all bad in full dress. There
was even a distinguished air about
him. This, thought. would be rich
Vera, seated next to me, was watch.
Ing, with mouth agape.
Archie put up his megaphone and
started to sing. The room quleted
down. could feel the hairs on my
head grow prickly. Never, since hear.
Ing Caruso himself. had heard such
voice.
There was encore after encore.
And always the same perfect com.
mand the same fawless tones. There
was only one explanation, told my
self; was going insane. Vera looked
as though she were positively sure she
had. Archie, at last, walked of the
stage. We met him at the rear door
and all bundled into cab.
"Archie," | began. you're"
"Walt.' he broke In. at wouldn't
be good sportsmanshIp to fool an old
pal. II will all be In the papers to.
morrow"
"of course II will your
voice.
~ haven't got any more voice than
a rabbit But Vera here is worth
million, so had to make q million
to get her."
"And you learned to sing that well
In so short"
"Don't be absurd That was CarusO
singing Records, Off stage; reproduc
err inserted In the megaphone. Contact
points on the heels OF my shoes
tiny wires along my hand running
down my sleeve Plates In the floor
for contact with my heels but
the special device for purifying and
clarifying the stepped-up records is
my own. That's where the million
comes In. Tomorrow you'll see,
in the paper. Now that that's over,
Vera and can get married and loaf
for the rest Of our lives cant we,
Vera?"
"It wasn't fair" she objected, ito
make a million so easily. Think Of
all the fun we've missed making H."
Scan you beat O womanl" mourned
Archie. "That's why Americans all
work themselves to death the
women"