davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
KIN HUBBARD GOES

When a man can write two sentences
a day, day in and day out for years and
make thousands of persons chuckle as
they read them, that man is very close
lv allied to genius.
Frank Mckinney Hubbard did this
for 26 years through his character, Abe
Martin, whom he created over quar-
ter of century ago. Yesterday Kin
Hubbard, as he was called, Joined Mark
Twain and Eugene Field.
Carried as a feature by hundreds of
newspapers throughout the land, those
two sentences were eagerly sought each
day by thousands who recognized the
truth of the saying that "brevity is the
soul of wit"
And Kin Hubbard never failed them.
He furnished diamonds of satire on ma
tional politics, ON social institutions, on
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
Issued Daily, Except
Sundays. Entered at the
Post office, El Centre,
Calf, as Second-Class
Matter.

every conceivable subject, and through
many years of reading Abe, we never
knew him to miss fire. He always click
ed. Some days when Abe was just too
plumb lazy to get off any bright say
ings his neighbors came to the rescue
but they, like Abe, were only creatures
of Hubbards mind.
His was the humor of America in one
of its most enjoyable forms, the colo
quial speech of the nid-west's rural sec
tions.
With the death Of Hubbard, Abe Mar
tin also passed on. There is none who
could carry on Hubbard's work. Abe
will be missed by many and when they
do miss him they will miss the kindly
and delightful soul who produced him,
thereby adding his bit to cheering up
this old world
Kin Hubbard, through Abe Martin,
was the friend of thousands. 1t is doubt
ful if he had a single enemy. He cer-
tainly never made one through his two
little sentences day. We give him the
farewell of the craft-thirty.
Did Judge Hardy receive Christ
mas present from the Pantages FAM
lily? Maybe yes, maybe no.
Somebody said there is one born every
minute but Gilbert H. Beezemyer must
have been born several hours.
Mr.. Fits plans a war on crime to
stamp it out of Los Angeles. We wish
him better success than he had in his
war with the Julian mess.
If there was splitter looking town
at night than Ell Centro over the holi-
days, we don't know where it is.
The highest compliment fellow can
pay to woman is to wear the Christ
mas necktie she presented to him.
And smoke the ditto cigars.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

hauled out of the window into the
cold evening air, for it was now
getting dark. Mr.. Longears shivered
for he didn't have on his extra warm
fur coat.
I'm glad this is only a dream. -
he said to himself. "or I might catch
cold" Then he asked the Fox:
Where are you taking me?"
ITO my den!" was the answer.
I'VE three Bad Chaps are going to
have a Merry Christmas for once in
cur lives"
II also wish you a Happy New
Dearl" said Uncle Wiggily with a
laugh. "Ha! Ha! What a funny
dream! Pretty soon 1 shall wake
up in my easy chair, with the Christ
mas tree lights twinkling in front
of me and I shall feel very jolly and
eat my supper and read bedtime
story for the children. How glad I
am that this is only dream!"
But, all of a sudden, Uncle Wiggi-
ly felt pain on his left ear.
How does that nibble taste?"
asked the Fox.
Very good indeed" growled the
other Bad Chap. Better take a
taste for yourself.
II will" said the Fox $50 will
Il" mewed the Bob Cat. And with
that Uncle Wiggily felt bites and
nibbles on both his ears. The Bad
Chaps were crowding close around
him. The cold wind blew on the
rabbits pink, twinkling nose and he
Sneezed; "Ker choo! Ker foo! Ker
fizzium!" And then voice said
Pinch him harder!" And then
Uncle Wiggily cried:
"Oh, this can't be a dream! 1t
must be reall Oh, the bad chaps
have mel" and he gave big jump
and when he opened his eyes there
he was on the floor in front of his
chair and the Christmas tree lights
were twinkling and Nurse Jane was
pinching his ears and saying:
That's the only way 1 could
awaken you, Uncle Wiggily. You
fell asleep in your chair and the
window was open and was afraid
you'd catch cold. Get up, it is al
most supper time"
oh OH" murmured the bunny.
Thank goodness it was only n
dream after all! But such a real
one!" Then he closed the window,
and if the supper bell doesn't make
a mistake and come to breakfast
when it is time TO eat dinner, I'll tell
you next about Uncle Wiggily's snow
hat.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
Filipinos To
Honor Martyr

Filipinos of Imperial Valley will
unite Monday night to pay honor to
the memory of DR.. Joze Rial, Fill
pino patriot and martyr, who was
executed "a years ago by the Span
ish government.
The program will be in charge Of
Imperial Camp No. 48, w. O. w..
and will be held at the California
hotel, preceded by a banquet at z
o'clock.
Mayor II. w. Fawcett will be the
honor guest Of the evening.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
STEALS WALES STUFF
MELTON MOWRRAY. Eng. I

MELTON MOWBRAY, Eng. Dec.
81. U.p)-Prince George. youngest
son OF the king and queen, dislocat-
ed his left shoulder today in an &C
cident while he was fox hunting
with the Prince of Wales.
He was taken to the Melton hos
pital.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
ILN YEARS AGO
December c- 1Q1O

Last Sun.ay evening the Minis
ters OF all Protestant chu:cheG in
Ell Centro suspended their evening
services and attended the delivery
Of the farewell sermon OF the Rev
erend Walter Reed at the Baptist
church.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

The regular weekly MONDAY
luncheon of the chamber of COM
merce took place yesterday in order
to give Woodworth Clum. managing
director of the Better America Fed
Grafton Of California, an Opportu-
nifty to deliver his important mes
sage to the leaders of the business
communities of Ell Centro, Imperial,
Seeley and Holtville.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
FIFTEEN YEARS ACC
Decembes 81, 1915

Mr.. and Mrs. Samuel w. Duna-
way gave Christmas dinner TO q
party Of their friends. There were
eleven guests.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

Mr.. and Mrs. r. D. Scruggs OF
Calexico, entertained relatives and
friends to the extent of nineteen
on Christmas day The feaas Of
good things provided was not l!ck-
ing a single feature.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
Looking Backward
WHAT the Press Files Tell Of
Imperial Valley for this Date
In Past Years
TWENTY YEARS AGO
December 27. 1910

w. E. Harbert, j. w. Harbert, j.
P. Smith, Robert Fredlund and Miles
Fulk, a party of capitalists from the
state of Washington, are in the
Valley as guests of the members of
the Harrison Land company, and
other Washington people who are
located in the valley.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

Holtville's Fiesta plans are ma
turing rapidly and there is little but
detail remaining between the work
ers and complete consummation of
their ambitious ideals.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27
@darkeD
POULTRY

LOS ANGELES, Dec. 81. W.P)-
Following arc today's market quo
tationS:
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

Press Classified Ads Bring Results
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

READ THE CLASSIFIED ADS
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

If there was a splitter looking town
at night than Ell Centro over the hol
days, we don't know where it is.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

Somebody said there is one born eve,
minute but Gilbert H. Beezemyer mu
have been born several hours.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

Mr.. Fits plans war on crime to
stamp it out of Los Angeles. We wish
him better success than he had in his
war" with the Julian mess.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

The highest compliment a fellow can
pay to woman is to wear the Christ.
mas necktie she presented to him.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

And smoke the ditto cigars.
Imperial Valley press., 1930-12-27

Did Judge Hardy receive a "Chri.
mas present from the Pantages fal
lily? Maybe yes, maybe no.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
A Sly Fox

"Ain't AlphonSe the sly fox?",
said Greta. ''He'S going to get
you q guardian. A trusty who
win spy on you and pass him
the goings-on. It's as plain as
q couple Of noses on your face"
Raauel's mind leaped to
Greta'S solution. 1t was more
acceptable. by far, than the
other. Let this silly man Sat q
spy ia live With her. There was
nothing she had to conceal
In the present. And her past
was locked away where no
sneak-thief could find it.
did Alphonse leave any, In
structions about what We are
to Wear?" asked Greta.
mo, except that we are to
look our best"
'Then I'll dash over and wen
60 over the list together"
"Oh please do" Raquel i'm.
plored.
"Be there in q twink. Order
up q flock Of champagne cock
tails for me, will you. dearie?
They have the best In Paris at
that bar close to the elevator" ."
Copyright 1850. MetropolitaS News.
paper Service. New York;
CONTINUED Monday
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
cHAPTER 40

All, Monsieur Alphonse, we
have been expecting you."
Raquel could have cried out
with delight.
This hotel clerk spoke En-
giish. He could understand. If
It became necessary to make
herself understood. He had ap-
praised her. Was smiling ct
Alph0flse with something more
than appreciation Of patronage.
II have reserved for you the
suite you like best" he said.
AT the back Of the house.
You viii find It quiet"
He continued to address Al
plionse.
Raquel's head lifted, Her
black eyes blazed. Her white
teeth were barred and cleaning.
She meant to ask for whom
the suite was reserved.
With q little movement that
might have been accident, but
which was intent, Alphonse In
tercepted her.
.'Mademoiselle thanks you"
he said affably. she is alone.
You will assign an English
maid to her room, please. Her
personal maid arrives later"
The clerk busted himself with
q register.
And monsieur's Suite?" he
inquired solicitously, after q
moment.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
TEA-TABLE
CHATTER

Watch out for little man
nerisms. They aren't pretty.
Some girls are forever fussing
with their side locks. others
regard their finger nails as II
they had never seen them be-
fore, still others jangle beads.
pull down belts, tap toes, or
gaze into mirrors while con-
versing. The attractive girl
has poise. No nervous habits,
She is as easy and comfortable
as an old shoe.
Natural bushes don't trickle
way down to the chin, yet mis-
guided girls place their rougey
fIuShes low. The higher the
coloring the more the eyes are
played up and the more spirited
the face appears to be. Placing
the rouge low gives q Sagged,
hang-dog look. BY patting the
face with cold water it is pos
sible to produce q homegrown
blush: the capillaries win send
their rosy streams through the
skin structure. DO that, observe
closely. and follow the natural
pattern when makeup Is ap-
piled. Don't forget that there
must be no definite color Dor.
dels.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28

She Played Ruthlessly the
Game of Love

! her eyes no longer blazod. They
swan in tlrnbling clouds OF
black smoke.
She walked to = window,
pulled aside the heavy draper.
les. Below her was . marrow
street. People were passing
hack and forth. Their carriage
was strangely unfamiliar. They
walked jauntily, with . spring
that was. almost q swagger.
I'm In Paris. This Is Paris
She walked quickly across the
room, back to the window, stop
ping on the way 70 pick up q
small china tray from 4 table
and examining Il closely. The
unfamiliar figures were still
passing back and forth In tn
marrow street beneath the win
dow.
mo-" she assured herself
firmly. II am mot dreaming.
This is France. Paris, France.
And Pm here In this room"
The Whir 0f telephone bell
In the room Cf roses gave Z
final touch Of reality TO the
scene. Raquel ran to answer.
AS she hoped, It was Greta's
voice that came ripping across
the wire.
Hello. old dear? Everything
okay?"
"Yes." Eagerly. "And your"
Swell. You Oughta see my
room. Got everything In it
but an ice.box."
your room? You have only
one?"
sure. How many did yea
think I'd have? / left my fam.
lily home"
II don't know--only- there
are three for me-"
Three! Holy cats!"
"a bedroom, q drawing-room
and q room for q maid"
"A room for your maid?
That's q hot one. Why don't
she live In the servants quar-
ters?"
'eI-I-"
A pause. Then dreta's laugh
rang out.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
CORRECT
MANNERS
MRS. Cornelius Beeckman
Fundamental Rules for Table
Setting
DEAR MRS. REECKMAN:

Fundamental Rules for Table
Setting
DEAR MRS. BEECKMAN:
will you please tell me
the correct positions for silver
ware on the table?
2-Just how should an I'M
PRODUCTION take place?
Should one consider the
age and sex when making in.
Productions?
These are the fundamen.
tai rules for the placing Of the
silver at the places at table:
Place the silver UP to the
dessert course, that is. through
the salad course.
Place silver sufficient for the
menu that you are to serve, and
cnly that much. Do not place
extra pieces, for the guest to
choose.
Place the forks on the left
Of the place. The only excep-
ton to this is the oyster fork,
which is placed on the right
with the knives.
Place knives and spoons on
the right of the place.
Place the butter spread on
the bread and butter plate, the
cutting edge down and the han
die toward the right.
Place the silver pieces in the
order in which the guest is to
use them, so that he can begin
with the piece farthest from the
plate and proceed toward the
plate.
Place the silver pieces about
an inch and a half up from the
edge of the table. so that the
service plate. tips Of the handles
of the silver and the edge Of
the napkin are in q straight
line.
2-This is a very general
question, but, in making an In
PRODUCTION we should keep in
mind that q gentleman is in
troduced to a woman. that an
unmarried woman should be In
troduced to a married woman,
an unmarried man to a mar
ried man, younger person to
an older person, in cases where
age is what should count.
For instance when we intro.
duce a man to q woman. we
say, Miss Lady, may I present
Mr.. Gentleman" or merely
mention the names if we wish
to make the introduction more
informal: Miss Allen, Mr..
Worthington."
3-Yesas I have indicated
above.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
Advice to LOvelOrn
By Beatrice Fairfax

own. I have q good position,
and have boarded for a long
time with some elderly friends
Of. my family. I should like
love and marriage, though there
is no possible husband in sight,
but most Of al I want q home.
gPINSTER.
Hasn't, it occurred to you,
dear Spinster, that any woman
as independent IS you are can
easily have Z home? Don't wait
q day longer, but find IN apart
ntAnt suited to your means,
even IL 1t is only 4 small room
with q kitchefette. A woman
who longs for her own easy
chair and reading lamp, her own
salcepans., table linen and dust
efS, ought to have them, mar
ried or not. No husband viii
ever find the rapture in those
kitchen shelves that you win.
hut ] am not ondemning you
to continued spinsterhood. by
any means, and one you sur
round yourself with q pleasant
domestic atmosphere ! shouldn't t
be surprised II marriage sought
you out.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28

although i am sure that she
never told her.
when / would go and see
Peg, she would find out what /
liked to eat, and would cook me
q meal that would have made
the warden cry with envy II he
could have seen me. Shed tell
me how much she loved me.
And, honestly. Elsie. she had me
seriously thinking Of going TO
work! I began to think Of over
aIIs and alarm clocks
and IL there's anything I hate
verse than these, it's handouts!
In two weeks / didn't know
Dorothy existed.
''NOw, I had never been in
love before. In fact, I've a.
ways been under the impression
that Il was . mild form Of In
sanity. Why, / even sent her
roses when we had q little spat,
and after sent them ! began
to think / was getting stir bugs.
Lie Burns Him
'But now everything has
broken mp. I went away for q
while, and we wrote every day.
Then Peg told me . lie about
something and the more
/ thought about it, the more ]
burned up. / began to think Of
other things she had told me,
and they seemed wrong, too. So
The Washington times., 1930-06-28

asking me If I intended going
back to studying and travel
ing" and said no. Then she
opened up on me. Somebody
had put the knocks In and told
her I was from stir
"She told me was no good,
and was so mean and stubborn
that they had transferred me
from the reform school to the
big house. Whoever gave her
the dope knew me pretty well.
I haven't had much experience
with women, but I knew there
was no use arguing with that
one, so I just sat and took 1t.
When she got winded, I told
her how it was, and that it was
all over between us. Then, after
saying what she did, she starts
in with the tears and tells me
that / can't leave her, and If !
do, she knows about Peg. and
will give her the loWdown.
Tells Peg the Truth
81 caImed her down, because
/ was afraid she would tell Peg,
and II anyone was going to do
that, i figured / could do 1t,
and get the breaks. So I beat
her to 1t and told Peg the truth.
She came right back at me and
told me she knew all about 1t,
and that I'm Okeh with her. ]
didn't mention about Dorothy,
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
THE BEAUTY BOX
BY Helen FOllett-

get the skin clean is by using
soap and warm water, which
are solvents of dirt. The cold
shower is refreshing tonic, but
the warm soapy scrub is neceS-
Sary.
Short hair, shoulder length
and hair fairly long are all
harmonious to preSent-day dress
ideas, though heavily coils be-
long distinctly to the past. The
chances are that, for many
years, there will be no hard
and fast rules concerning the
length of our locks. We can be
shorn or we can belong to the
amalgamated hairerowers aSSo-
ciation and flount pigtail mate
rial. No one can deny that the
bob is hygienic, easily sham
pood, and suggestive Of youth.
Its staunch decipleS remain
loyal. =.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
TELL IT TO ELSIE!

Here's the story of q liar. Not
Just one Of those amateur, COM
mon,garden-variety liars. But q
high-class professional with a
penitentiary career.
Ever wonder how an honest
to-aoodness bad man talks and
feels? Here's how. And it's
plenty Of lesson for others, who
never did a rap in the big
house." A lesson in tolerance.
For, as / mentioned before, this
is the story of q liar and a cheat.
One who spent five years behind
walls thinking things over, and
wishing he would be forgiven.
And yet, what happened when
he came "out OF STIR" and fell
in love, and the only girl told
him one little, teeny, weeny
fib?
Did he remember what a liar
he himself had been? Did he
consider the whopperS he had
told before, during and since his
"rap?" And did he forgive Peg,
and give her a chance as she'd
given him his chance, when he
was up against it?
Yes. he did not! Read and
see what he really did do. And
perhaps the next time you're
tempted to judge some erring
friend, you may rem EN- b n
Buddy-and act human, instead.
Dear Elsie:
you've helped out so many
muddIed, mamas and peeved
papas that I'm putting my case
up to you, and / wish you
would tell me what you hon
estIy think I should do. IT'S
s tough one, and no mistake.
Here goes.
"AbOut = year ago / was re-
leased from the big house,
after polishing off q FLYER. I
was out about three months
when / made the acquaintance
Of . girl who interested me
enough to 50 with. You know
when . fellow has spent five
years away from the outside,
he's afraid to say much for
fear of making q bad break.
So I squared myself with her
by telling her / had been study
ing and travelling.
Met the Real Girl
Everything was okeh :"
no argument. Only when she
saw me casting q mean eye at
a broad. Then she would ex-
plode. This went on until / met
the other girl the real. girl
Peggy. And / went for
her in big way. When I was
in the stir, / had q mental pic
ture Of how / wanted q girl to
be and look, and Peggy was
that and then some. In fact,
she made me forget Dorothy,
until I received q phone call
from her.
Dorothy and went to din
ner, and she acted as If things
were all right, but I could tell
that something was wrong. And
there was! She started off by
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
Hesitation

Eaduel llesitated on its thres-
hold. she felt as she had that
day she ran, not knowing where
nor cariItg. from the Church Of
the Blessed Virgin, where her
marriage bans had Just been pub
lished. Burning hot. Icy cold.
Her black eyes had widened un-
til they were two volcanic pools
Of red flame with black smoke
swirIing around their banks.
The heat Of those two flaming
pools caused AlphonSe to draw
back. Their breath Scorched
him.
This chamber win do very
well--fOr your maid" he said,
unable to escape the fascination
of those scOrching eyes.
"Yes?n she said, managing to
keep her voice steady. II didn't
know / was to have . maid"
TT will be necessary"
Had she been too haSty in
her c0nclusions2 Had she ct.
tributed to Alphonse such evil
intent as he did not harbor?
She must have. He was clever.
He would do nothing so crude,
s. Grass. She was getting to be
Ike Greta finding mountains
In molehilis.
Yet-tle clerk ct the desk.
He had appraised her bodily.
His way with Alphonse. Ii1sin-
uating.
Il shall leave you now, mad
eIlOiSelle, = AIphOnse was say
Ing. 'You win ring when you
want anything. / return for
you at 3. We 90 then 10 dine
III the BOis. Your trunks will
be up shortly. Select . gown
with color. Color is better for
the outdoors. You must look
your best on your first appear
ance In Paris"
She followed him to the door.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
DO YOU KNOW
THAT

4
Denmark offers more OBJ
stacles to marriage and fewer
to divorce than any other coun-
try in Europe. There is much
delay in obtaining a marriage
license because of the red tape
connected with certificates and
) declarations Of matrimonial in
tent. On the other hand. If
both parties agree, . divorce is
granted Immediately. II only
one party desires the divorce a
two or three-year separation is
granted first.
The French ministry Of air Is
planning the extension of air
services between France and her
colonies as well as development
of SRir lines within the colonies.
Plahs are being made to extend
the present service to French
Mort African colonies to reach
West Africa and equatorial
Afric
The Washington times., 1930-06-28
HOUSEHOLD
HINTS

A roll of fat at the back of
the neck should be beaten
down. It can be done. BY
muscle strapping. Which
means, amounting with cold
cream 70 protect the surface of
the skin, and harnmering with
fists. The side Of the hand is
used. A gentle Stroking with
the palms follows.
Old newspapers are much
more effective than camphor
balls for keeping moths away
from clothes. Moths deteSt
the smell Of. printers ink.
Petrol, though useful for
cleaning garments, 7 should
never be used in or near a
room where there is any sort
of fire or flame. Unless under
responsible guidance, only
grOwn-ups should use 1t and,
If stored, it is best stored away
from q house.
The Washington times., 1930-06-28

When a middle-aged woman
moves about slowly, getting UP
from q chair with difficulty,
plodding when she walks, she
is muscle-bound. That's bad.
To avoid this condition the
smart girl will begin a course
of regular daily exercises when
she is young and she will con-
tinue them as long as she is
able to stand up and move her
arms about. 1t is by expending
energy that more. energy is
created. The prize fighter
doesn't take rest cure before
he meets his opponent. He
works. He works like sixty.
The cold shower grows more
and more popular. But it does
not clean the skin surface at
all or remove deposits left by
perspiration. The only way to