Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-04-24
The Dumb Waiter.
BY FREDERICK S. CoZZENS.

Frederick swartwout Cozzens. 1sls-l8es.
SSsT.o2Vs works Of THE sDaTTOwgrass Pa
We have put a dumb-waiter in our
house. A dumb-waiter is a good thing
TO have in the country, on account OF
its convenience. If you have company,
everything can be sent up from the
kitchen without any trouble; and If the
baby gets to be unbearable, on account
OF his teeth you can dismiss the COM
plant by stufing him in one OF the
shelves and letting him down upon the
help.
To provide for contingencies, we had
all our floors deafened. In consequence,
you cannot hear anything that is going
on in the story below; and when you are
in the upper room of the house, there
might be Democratic ratification meet
ing in the cellar and you would not know
1t. Therefore, if any one should break
into the basement it would not disturb
us, but to please Mrs. Sparrowgrass,
put stout iron bars in all the lower VIM
dows.
Besides. Mrs. Sparrowgrass had bought
q rattle when she was in Philadelphia;
such a rattle as watchmen carry there
This is to alarm our neighbor. who,
upon the signal, is to come to the res
prone to fire first and make inquiries
afterward.
One evening Mrs. SparrowgraSs had
retired and was busy writing when 1t
struck me a glass of ice water would be
palatable. So took the candle and
pitcher and went down to the pump
Our pump is in the kitchen. A country
pump in the kitchen is more convenient:
but we'll with buckets IS certainly more
MI TTnfnrtI1nQ tnlV
water has not been sweet since it was
cleaned out.
First had to open bolted door that
lets you into the basement hall, and
then I went to the kitchen door, which
proved to be locked. Then I remem-
bered that our girl always carried the
key to bed with her and slept with it
under her pillow. Then retraced my
steps, bolted the basement door, and
went up into the dining room. AS is
always the case, found, when I could
not get any water, was thirstier than
I supposed was.
Then I thought would wake our girl
up. Then I concluded not to do it.
Then I thought of the well, but gave
that up on account of its flavor. Then
I opened the closet doors: there was no
water there: and then I thought of the
dumb-waiter! The novelty of the idea
made me smile. took out two of the
movable shelves. stood the pitcher on
the bottom of the dumb-waiter, got in
myself with the lamp; let myself down
until I supposed was within foot of
the floor below, and then let go!
We came down so suddenly that
had been catapult: it broke the pitch
er. eXtinguished the lamp. and landed
me in the middle of the kitchen at mid
night, with no fire and the air not much
above the zero mark. The truth is, /
had miscalculated the distance of the
descent-instead of falling one foot, I
had fallen five.
My first impulse was to ascend by the
way had come down, but found that
impracticable. Then l tried the kitchen
door: it was locked I tried to force it
open; it was made of 2-inch stuff, and
held its own. Then hoiSted a window,
and there were the rigid iron bars. If
ever felt angry at anybody, it was at
myself for putting up those bars to
please Mrs. Sparrowgrass. I put them
up. not to keep people in, but to keep
people out.
laid my cheek against the ice-cold
barriers and looked out at the sky; not
a star visible; it was as black as ink
overhead. Then I thought of Baron
Trenck and the prisoner of Chillon.
Then I made a noise.
I shouted until I was hoarse and
ruined our preserving kettle with the
poker. That brought our dogs out in
full bark, and between us we made
night hideous. Then I thought I
heard a voice and listened 1T was
Mrs. Sparrowgrass calling to me from
the top of the staircase.
tried to make her hear me, but
the informal dogs united with howl,
and growl, and bark, so as to drown
my voice. which is naturally plaintive
and tender Besides, there were two
bolted doors and double deafened floors
between US. How could she recognize
my voice, even if she did hear it?
Mrs. Sparrowgrass called once or
twice and then got frightened. The
next thing I heard was a sound as if
the roof had fallen in, by which I
understood that Mrs. SparrowgraSs was