The Butler County press. [volume] (Hamilton, Ohio) 1900-1946, 1930-10-03
Joe Finally
Got Wise
BY HI. IRVING KING
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(Copyright.l

JOSEPH SCARBOROUGH was rath-
~ er of the opinion that Minerva
Fairbanks had thrown him down."
hut he was not quite sure. He had
known her, 1t seemed to him, for al
ways; and for some time he had been
taking 1t for granted that he would
some day ask her to be his wife
and she would accept. But then came
that dashing Martin Van Beekman
around and Joe began to think that he
had taken too much for granted.
Whatever a "man of the world" is,
Van Beekman was that. He had
most engaging personality, talked
fiuently and dressed perfectly. Joe,
on the other hand, while refreshingly
wholesome, was not much Of con-
yersationalist, and sartorially left
much to be desired. Van Beekman
had become constant visitor at the
Fairbanks home, and the girls
Minerva and her younger sister, Su-
san-found him, as Sue expressed 1t,
perfectly fascinating" When Joe
happened to be calling at the same
time Van Beekman was, 1t was as
much as be could do to get In a word
edgewise, and when be did. his best
thought-out remark seemed to act as
damper on the company: Minnie,
after one of these attempts of Joe's.
would look at him doubtfully for
moment and then resume her repartee
Of "wit, wisdom and allegory" with
Van Beekman.
Joe hoped at first that 1t was sister
Sue that Van Beekman admired. But
Minnie appeared to be much fonder
of Van Beekman's society than her
sister Joe ventured to expostulate,
| In a blundering way, with Minerva,
| only to be told that she did not know
what right he had to criticise or con-
! troll her actions, ending with: "Why
Joe, you talk as II you and / were en-
| gagged"
That was Joe's opportunity, but he
! did not seize 1t, and 1t was two hours
later that he thought Of what he
ought to have said. When he did
think of it he resolved to go to Minnie
and have straight out talk" with
her. But when he arrived at the Fair
banks home that everlasting Van
/ Beekman was there, and he went away
leaving unsaid what he had come to
say. He would keep away from the
! Fairbanks house and "let 'em 20 it"
he thought. Who knew anything
about that Van Beekman fellow? He
was an adventurer-Joe was willing
to bet on it-and was trying to cap
ture an heiress.
Joe kept to his resolution of ab-
stention for whole week, and then
called upon "the Fairbanks girls" with
the usual unsatisfactory results Susan
talked to him and tried to cheer him
up, but Minerva kept chatting away
with Van Beekman, only giving Joe a
curious look now and then, which
he could not in the least understand
the import of, and once saying: "Joe,
why don't you talk? What's the mat
ter with you lately?"
Nothing" said Joe, and presently
took his leave.
Now Minerva and Susan Fairbanks
were orphans. They had no near rela-
tions and their father had left them
both very well Off Joe felt like say
Ing to Van Beekman: IF It's merely
fortune you are after, why don't
you take Sue and let my Minnie
alone?" but 1t wouldn't make any
difference If | did," thought Joe.
Minnie is so much the prettier."
Things dragged along in this man.
ner for some time. Joe began to
lose weight. "He don't eat enough to
keep a canary alive" his fond mother
declared. Then one day, to his great
surprise, Van Beekman called upon
Joe at the office of the little yarn mill
which Joe had inherited from his IA
ther and the business of which he was
rapidly extending
"You probably have noticed" said
the suave Van Beekman, my atten-
tions to the beautiful Miss Fairbanks. .
Il have" glowered Joe, ~ have, and
allow me to tell you that | have not
seen them with pleasure. Who are
you TO come into this community and
try to captivate the best and prettiest
girl in town? What are your creden.
tials?"
THAT is just wlat | came to show
you" replied Van Beekman "You NAV
look me up in Bradstreet's, and here
are letters documents and references
which think will satisfy you"
Joe looked at the documents and he
looked at Bradstreet's. 'Humph, .
said he, seems to be all right But
what have | got to do with it?"
why" returned Van Beekman.
when | told Miss Fairbanks that her
sister Susan and had come to an un-
ierstanding, and requested her con-
sent to our marriage, as heaL of the
iamily, she said that she and you had
been long engaged and were soon to
be married and, therefore, as her hus-
band, you would be the real head of
the family, and were the one to be
consulted"
"Oh, see, yes, certainly, of course"
gasped Joe. Your credentials are
perfectly satisfactory, sir. | congrat-
ulate you"
Then he put on his hat and went
right up 10 see Minerva. What he
said to her neither of them ever told
But they were married month before
Susan and Van Beekman were.