Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1930-01-26

Once Miss Jones seemed almost to faint
sUhen sUGllsing by him and he had to
carry her to chair. He found it to be
a most agreeable task.
stricken at the look in her blue eyes, reiterated
the request she call In another client.
The thin young gentleman's cardiacal catas-
trophe, 1t eventuated concerned tantalizing
vixen who continually discouraged his perfervid
intention to WOO and win. And he was of the
candid II humiliating, opinion that she was
Just Stringing him along" in the hopes of OBJ
tanning better matrimonial chance in the early
future. Still, he loved her greatly, and he
earnestly believed that If he could persuade her
to marry him she would soon love him and be
riotously happy.
ON terse interrogation, he told Hymen's rep
resentative his girl friend was of tinid
and retiring disposition.
The solution to your difficulty, my dear fell
low" adjudged ]. Alvin Hayden, sis plain. You
need only to revert to caveman tactics to attain
Utopia. l suggest you procure a marriage
license, go to her home and tell her you two
are shortly to be one. OF course, she will OBJ
ject, but, ignoring such objections, calmly pick
her up in your arms, place her in car and
take her to the justice of the peace. Once you
are safely married. as you prophesy, she viii
love you, admire you for your strong will and
stronger arms, thrill to the primitive desire in
your being, and all will end happily"
The various angles of this scheme were dis
cuSsed and then the thin client left the room
and $40 bill Miss Jones, as usual, spoke up.
MY, Hayden" she asseverated warmly there
is something positively uncanny about you.
liz.
and prescribe the logical, remedial measures"
Mr.. Hayden began to smile appreciatively. "You
know" she went on, lust between you and me,
have q mole on my left shoulder. How would
you suggest getting rid of it?"
Counsel for Cupid frowned at this brash lev
ity. Inform the other young man." he ordered
that he may now come in"
The last of the advice seekers, q middle sized
chap, was enamored with q comely nymph
who. 1t appeared, had everything in the world
but an education and husband. The client
craved TO relieve this latter condition but on
account Of the former predicament the girl re-
fused to hearken jointly to Mendelssohns
broadcast.
The third young chap, after sustained medi-
tation on MIR. Haydens part, was instructed to
send daily anonymous notes to his hearts dee
sire. on which would be penned such questions
as, o what did King Tut succumb? Who per-
fected alfalfa? What are the words of the
Star Spangled Banner? etc. And beneath every
message was to be appended this significant
clause: Many an able wife cannot answer these
questions; why should you? In time, whmsi-
cally concluded the diagnostician of erotic ills,
the girl would repent her obstinacy and prom
Use legally to love, honor and infrequently obey.
This is the end of perfect daze," affirmed
Miss Jones when at last the third youth cheer
fully made exit Mr.. Hayden, you are boon
to suffering humanity. Do you realize it is
noon? Join me in billfold test and pay for
some calorieS at the Elite Grill"
Her employer did not know what to say to
this frank proposition, and said it., but found
himself putting on his hat and few minutes
later was smiling fatuously in the restaurant.
He discovered, with queer thrill, that all the
man diners were looking admiringly at his COM
panion. He suddenly decided it might be q
feasible idea to experiment with some woman's
emotions-for instance, Miss Jones'-and, per-
force, such laboratory enlightenment would en-
able him to give better advice to his clientele
ONE morning the amatory expert was several
hours late in arriving at the Office and n
very serious young stenographer met him at the
Continued on SeveRtsenth Page