Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-08-07


Widespread curiosity on the part Of the American
public has been expressed as to how ex-President
Calvin Coolidge writes his daily syndicate article;
whether he has any set time, how long 1t takes him 10
bat out the stuff, where he gets his ideas. etc. etc.
This department, having conducted a secret investi-
CATION, is in a position to give the full facts to the
world.
First Of all. Calvin works pretty well UP with the
current news, although the New York morning pa
pers reaching Northampton are the early editions
containing a lot OF filters with headlines such as
Pearl Divers Garry on Family Tradition" American
Safety Pin Exports Reach New High" Tortoise Bears
Initials Inscribed in 1867" and Asparagus Culture a
Fine Art" These papers are often late in reaching
the Coolidge manor house. This disturbs Mr.. Coo
lidge no little, particularly II he has planned TO get
his work out of the way early and have a good days
sport balancing a budget or stick whiting or some
thing.
Having received and read the papers. Calvin sits
down in the living room with paper and pencil. He
has had this pencil since he was a small boy. The
paper however. is hard to keep that long. especially
since he has taken up the writing game Mr.. Coolidge
now proceeds to think. HI unconsciously draws a few
funny faces on a scratch pad. and adds a few fig
ures, geometrical forms and meaningless circles.
This is a habit of all writing men
Presently an idea comes to him for his daily article.
AT this point Mrs. Coolidge calls to him to come and
rehang a mirror and move a chiffonier. Calvin NUT
tiers something under his breath, but ooeys like a good
New England husband.
This done. he returns to his literary pursuits, but
can't find his pencil. A breeze from an open window
has blown the paper with his notes on it away, too.
He calls Mrs. Coolidge and demands to know what
she did with his pencil. Mrs. Coolidge says she never
saw his old pencil. The maid is asked If she picked
up a pencil anywhere. or swept up a sheet OF paper
with important notes on 1t. The maid replies, a little
Indignantly, that she hasn't even been in the room.
After a time Mr.. Coolidge finds that he has his PEN
Gil behind his ear.
He now decides to go out on the porch and work.
Here an Armenian rug and lace peddler interrupts
his thoughts and urges him to buy a shawl, all done
BY hand. He chases the visitor away. but before he
can concentrate on a good beginning for his daily
article he is interrupted by uD a neighbor who wants
TO borrow a cup Of sugar t) a boy who can go through
college if he gets $4,000 subscriptions to a maya
zine; C3l a tourist who wants to borrow a tire iron.
Mr.. Coolidge is now pretty sore. He decides to go to
a room Mrs. Coolidge is fitting up as his den. The
maid is busting this. so he goes to the attic to get
away from everything. Here he sits on an old trunk
and tries to recall what he had in mind to write. A
huge fly keeps lighting on his nose. 1t is pretty an
noying to have a fly poster you like this when you
are trying to frame a significant message for the
world. Finally Mr.. Coolidge wears down the fly and
gets well into his opening paragraph when he Is called
down to answer the telephone. 1t turns out to be a
wrong connection. The woman on the other end
wants a dozen eggs. a pound Of butter and a quart OF
milk sent up right away and she'll send Minnie down
with The money later.
Calvin now decides to try the cellar. 1t is cool and
quiet down there behind the furnace. He Is about "a
collect his thoughts again when three strangers come
in and start banging around with tools. It seems they
picked this moment TO come and give the heatirc
system its pre-winter overhauling.
Now thoroughly depressed. he sees a brigade Of NOV
ing picture men trooping onto the estate. The tele-
phone rings madly. The mailman's whistle an
nounces the delivery Of the daily fan mail The
dog sets up a frantic barking. Mr.. Coolidge grabs
his hat and gallops out the back door. trying to
write on the run.
Washington has barred importation Of Soviet
matches. You know what Soviet matches are: the
kind with the red tips that flare up so easily.