The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1930-10-10
COnceaIing
of Crudity
Is Difficult
BY MARTHA LEE

IL taxes SupeInuIldA baSt anu
diplomacy TO inform the girl or boy
YOU are going with that their man
ners are not all they might be.
Many a man goes through life be-
lieving sincerely he is a living i'm
age Of Lord Chesterfield when, as a
matter of fact. he is rougher than
the prover5ial uncut diamond.
And it takes some woman, espe-
cially a woman who has taken a
personal interest, to set a man
straight on a lot Of things.
Sometimes the woman is able TO
accomplish this difficult feat with
the least amount of hurt feel
ings and trample pride possible
But most of the time the methods
EMPLOYED are only a trifle less crude
than the manners themselves,
which makes the whole situation
entirely inexcusable.
Distinction Is Sharp
There is such distinct line Of de-
marcation between crudity and what
we commonly term "cuteness." The
line is drawn, first, by the person
making the remark; second, by the
crowd Of people to whom the re-
mark is addressed, and third, the
infection Of the voice.
One person can say exactly the
same thing as another and have it
sound entirely different. From one
person it sounds clever, smart. From
the other it sounds crude and OBJ
noxious.
The same with set rules of man.
ners. The most beautifully man.
nered people in the world are those
whose natural instincts make them
polite, refined and courteous.
Pretense Is Futile
All the Emily Post books in the
world can't make a gentleman out
of fellow who isn't one in the
first place. He may know just
which fork to use, just how to stand
and what to say. You may not be
able to trip him on a single rule
of etiquette, but still he may be the
crudest fellow in the world.
Another chap may never have
heard Of the fact that there are
oyster forks and desert spoons. He
may not know the first rudimerts of
manners as they are recorded in
the books after generations of null
ling over. But he may be chivalry
itself to all women with whom he
comes in contact.
The outward signs Of politenese
and culture are nice to know. In
way, they are important in this day
and age.
Crudity Is Repulsive
Table manners; for instance.
Nothing is more repulsive than to
have to sit across from man or
woman who behaves much more like
A pig at a pen than human be-
ing at table. Innately refined peo-
pie make their own table manners
inoffensive by instinct, even though
they have never learned from
book Just how it should be done.
The diamond in the rough" stut1
is all very we'll, but there's no use
keeping the brilliance of the stone
concealed forever.
Dear Miss Lee-1s there any possible
wsv Of making a man over? am in
nv late twenties I have met man /
IKE very much. He is a good, sensible
fellow. But he bores me to death with
his table manners. He also says things IN
III, presence of my friends that are not
exactly cultured.
often have wanted to tell him about
this. but I don't have the nerve. as I am
afraid he will be offended. DAISY.
Diplomacy Required
The only way you can do the
thing automatically is to make him
realize his shortcomings for him
self, without actually telling him
you notice them.
When you are out with others,
where he can observe situations for
himself, you might call attention
to the way other men act and talk.
Perhaps you can make him realize
in that indirect sort of way, that
lrA is not UP to par on some things.
1t would be hard for you to come
right out and tell him his table
manners annoy you, but if you
watch for an opportunity you may
be able to let him get light on the
subject himself, as though it were
his own discovery.