Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-10-01
The Once Over
ELMER TwITCHELL ON THE SALOON

Copyright, 1880. by The Assoc hted Newspapers
Every time ! hear a strange noise these days 1
look around and find II Is some governor or candi-
date for governor coming out for the repeal OF the
Eighteenth Amendment" unused Elmer Twitchen.
but what gets me is that they all 20 at great lengths
to look with professed horror on the return Of the
old-fashioned saloon.
Il suppose you've noticed it. No public man de-
nounces prohibition without declaring that the re-
turn of anything like Grogan's Place would break their
hearts. Well, 1t hands me a laugh.
'aThe saloon had its bad points, but compared to
the speakeasies and hideaways of today 1t was almost
a church. And it at least had a little sunlight, a rea-
Sonable amount OF fresh air and some fairly good
conversation. You seldom got poisoned IN IL and the
proprietor wasn't the type OF man whose good fellow
ship was limited to a desire 10 keep YOU from dying
on the premises.
What / am looking for Is a public man with the
courage TO come out for the repeal OF prohibition and
the return Of the saloon. The way to kill the saloon
for all time is 10 let 1t return. There would be a great
rush to get into it the minute it %reopened, and there
would be a great kick for a few hours in looking at
the art calendars. shaking hands with an honest
proprietor and swal ping stories with a bartender who
wasn't a hired gunman. But, after that, there would
be a reaction.
Our drinkers have been ~sneaking through dark
corridors. tapping OH doors, exchanging curious coun-
tersignS and paying eXhorbitant prices for terrible
stuff in unventiated dumps 50 long that they just
couldn't stand walking openly into a sanitary place
and getting a good drink for a quarter.
Whats more. the average American has devel-
oped the membership card habit. Under prohibition
you're not a customer Of a s~peakeasy. Oh. no. You're
a member. You get an engraved card. You feel inn
nOrfapt uben Won give three kr0ckc on tho door opd
show it to the man Who removes the iron chain
and let's you in. Well, suppose the old saloon re-
turned? Do you think the millions Of Americans who
have been toting membership cards ali these years
could endure getting a drink in a place where they
wouldn't even be asked to show one?
LET the old-fashioned saloon return" concluded
Mr.. Twitchell, with emotion. 1T would die in a
couple weeks on account Of striking the drinking
public as too frank. too honest. too decent"
The Exception
Everybody in the United States. 1t seems. wanted
to see Sir Thomas win those yacht races except Skip
per Vanderbilt Of the Enterprise.
Massachusetts has a Marcus A. Coolidge I'D for the
senate in Massachusetts,. Could it be Calvin in dis
guise?
Miss Marion Talley, who quit a grand opera career
70 run q farm IN Kansas, is back in New York taking
up singing again. Our notion of distinct farm relief
is a opera star quitting the farm.
Possibly Secretary Hyde's feeling in that Russian
short selling OF wheat scandal Is that it isn't the
wheat, its the cupidity.
When Sir Oliver Lodge was announced as a radio
feature the other day Ina Dodo tuned out with
the declaration. 4 hate them roadside inn programs"
President Hoovers automobile had a flat tire en-
route to his Rapidan camp. and his party was held up
a half hour while a chauffeur changed it. We thought
he had a commission to take care OF that.
An Idea
Dablyn CTymes, the great detective. has q theory
to account for the mysterious disappearance of Jus