Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1930-10-18
The Once Over
UNCLE SAM AND HOME SWEET HOME

a Department or Home and Child and making its
chief a cabinet officer. Mrs. Owens believes such a
department would promote and foster family life
and child welfare"
S. Q. s. signals are now being sent out from the
Great American Home asking immediate rescue from
the blow.
Can you imagine Home Sweet Home under gov
eminent supervision? II would have mother a ner-
vous wreck awaiting a ruling from washington on
babyis diet. father running a fever while reading an
order from the Secretary Of Homes forbidding him to
sleep on his left side, and baby bawling itself into a
delirium because the government had placed an en-
barge on teething rings.
II would mean the impounding Of the house dog
by federal agents investigating the Japanese flea,
the summoning Of the cat before a congressional
committee in a mouse scandal. and the barring OF
canaries reported for singing merrily under the wrong
administration.
...-
The folks would have to get a federal permit to keep
a parrot. and file a weekly report on the changes
of water for the goldfish.
II anything goes wrong IN the home it will be a
matter for government attention. once Uncle Sam
begins playing n~ursemaid. Even the Riddles will be
regulated. Couples having no children will notify
Washington and get a couple from the people down
the street who have more than their quota.
There will. OF course. be a house to house quiz,
after which the government bureau will issue a long
winded statement fixing 2os children as the official
quota per home. and specifying that l SIS Of them
should have blue eyes and light hair.
II there are not enough children to go around, the
bureau will import them, and If there are too many.
Congress will be asked to create a fund 70 take over
and hold the excess crop until there is a better
demand
There will be a big field force. obviously. and or
fetal shoppers in complete touch with goings on In
every home. And how the home will be improved
and regulated There will be a day officially decreed
for ruz-beating, and a series of national Wash-Wi-
lie's-Ears. Swept n d e r-The-Be ed. Mend-Daddy's
Shirt. and Stop Baby Biting It's Nails Weeks.
A cabinet officer will decide how long father may
have his eggs boiled. and If mother wants to 90 on a
diet. she will have to take II UP with her Congress
man.
But the real crisis will come when a mother, study
ing rule 345. Section s65. finds 1t illegal to choose a
new spring hat without federal approval. writes
washington, and has to wait until the following
winter for the matter to pass through the various
committees and under-secretaries!
loot. loot.
General Atterbury Quits Pinchot Campaign
headline. For a man who 50 often speaks for care
ful railroad operation. he certainly took that switch
AZ what might be called reckless speed.
Elmer Twichell says a lot Of men are SO broke
this year that they can't even consider buying that
new golf ball until the dealer gives them an allow
ance on the old one.
Theodore Dresser m:f get this years Nobel prize
for literature. The judges decided to give It TO him
rather than try 70 lift the books.
Mayor walker OF New York Is reported about to
succeed VIII Hays as moving picture car. II he ever
starts holding moving picture r~agnates. writer's and
actors responsible for their official acts, Il will be
plain murder.
A New York man took a girl for a ride IN his auto
the other night and she whipped out a pistol, robbed
him. put him out and stole the car. In another min
ute she would have forgotten she was a lady.
Texas Guinan's night club was destroyed by fire
the other night, and It may or not be true that the
Americana
Q-What are you doing?
A.-Telephoning my brother 10 see what stocks !
can get for a quarter.
J