Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1930-03-06
How to Attain
Perfect Figure
D. RING LARDNER
To the Editor:

Pretty near every place you 90 now
days where they's Il mixed gathering,
the people that amt talking about
Mr.. Coolidge's coa. is disgusting their
diet and how to get fat or thin es-
pecially the last named and whenever
you walk In anywheres where the host
ess don't expect no Co. you generally
always can find a book on the live
Ing rm. table on how to get skinny
and etc. 80 1t seems like this Ia the
most important problem outside the
zap questions, and the women folks
IL all spending hundreds OF dollars
IN books that will learn them how to
not look much like a group.
Obesity begins at home like every
thing else and what l am getting at
Is that the only people who can learn
you how to reduce or build up u pe0-
pie that did 1t themselfs and Is normal
and can tell you what they done to
get that way. Like for inst. you would
not 60 to Babe Ruth for beauty hints
IKE no more than you would ask LII.
Liam Gish which cheek to park your
tobacco in ". a left handler.
Well. friends, l don't like to brag,
but 1t looks like they wasn't nobody
better fitted to give advice on the fat
and lean question than the undersigned
and II I can be Of any assistance to
my friends that Ia worried about their
weigts why I'll overlook my prejudice
In regards to bareing secrets Of my
private life and sacrifice myself on the
altar Of pro bono publice.
Lest there be any doubts as to my
qualifications along these lines. why
here's the figures by which a person
finds out how much they should ought
to weigh according to their higth.
Multiply the number Of inches you are
over 5 It. tall by 5h and then add
that to ITO. Well friends / an 1871
inches over 5 It. tall and multiply
1871 by 5h and you get TAN and
when you add that ON to ITO 1t makes
184N %avOrdupols which is exactly
where I tip the old beam. In other
words my weigt is ideal like pretty
near everything else.
How does the boy do It," you ask.
"Well. friends, / am going to lay
all my cards on the table and tell
you the system l generally always
follow in regards to diet and exercise
and IL my fat and skinny friends
will also try and follow out q similar
program, ! don't see why not they
shouldn't also get to be perfect.
First we will take eating. l gen.
orally always eat In q rm. where they's
a riot. l try and get to meals on
time as / prefer my W napkin. ]
always set in a straight back chair
and face east. l never talk at meols
as when / talk | like to be heard
l never accept no invitations to meals
at nobody's house unless ! already
been there and know that mine host
II a good provider.
Now in regards 10 exercises, | never
let nobody feed me and ! always
dress and undress myself. | always
shave standing up. %Shaveln2 three
or four times per week is enough to
keep the jowls supple, but If | find
I'm Z couple ~. overweight ] shave
every day and reduce the flesh on the
neck. In brushing The hair can also
generally manage to lose q little.
When the door tell rings | always
walk, not run, to the nearest exit.
In the morning | always snatch
the paper to quicken the eye. l hold
It myself and turn the pages myself
When l see that my thumbs is getting
too fat l roll my own cigarettes and
l always smoke plenty OF them al
they's no exercise that brings more
muscles into play than coughing and
tossing In bed.
l always wash my hands before re
firing and my face when necessary
though one Of my friends says 1t Is
silly to wash your face when you &c
to bed as they won't nobody be likely
to see IL its dirty or clean and it's
Just as foolish to wash 1t when you
get up as you amt been anywheres
10 get 1t soiled. But do 1t 2 or
times per VIZ. anyway to reduce the
soap.
Batheing as exercise depends on what
kind of a tub you got The madam
picked mine out and bought 1t by the
front It. and l guess we mus. have
been pretty near broke at the time
Anyway when l have took a bath
generally always feel like challenging
Tunney.
l 60 to bed pretty near every night
at 8 or 10 o'clock but once In a while
somebody comes In to play cards and
take setting up exercises. ] generally
manage to lose a little this way.
But II 4 person really wants t.
limit their diet I don't know Of any
better scheme than to buy a car Of
take up golf. In a short while yor
won't be ordering NO where's near al
much grocerys or If you do the gro
cery won't send them. But as To-
golf itself making a person thin or ia
It depends on whs you are playini
with, Most Of the boys I play witt
- t. Ah1fa o~~p mov~<