Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-06-07


was an American humorist, author Of
Tom Sawyer" "Huckleberry Finn" "A
Yankee in King Arthur's Court" limo.
cents Abroad" The Jumping Frog,
| etc.
1 reverently believe that the Maker
who makes us all makes everything ir
New England but the weather.
| / don't know who makes that, but
think 1t must be raw apprentices ir
the weather clerks factory, who expert.
ment and learn how in New England fol
board and clothes, and then are pro-
NOTED to make weather for countries
| that require good article and viii
take their trade elsewhere if they don't
get it.
There is a sumptuous variety about
the New England weather that COM
pels the strangers admiration-and
regret.
The weather is always doing some
thing there; always attending strictly
to business; always getting up new de-
signs and trying them on the people to
see how they will 60.
But it gets through more business ir
Spring than in any other season. In
the Spring have counted 1876 different
kinds of weather inside of "a hours.
1t was 1 that made the fame ano
marvellous collection of weather on ex.
hibition at the centennial that sc
astounded the foreigners. He was going
to travel all over the world and gel
specimens from all the chimes.
said, Don't you do it, you come
to New England on a favorable Spring
day"
1 told him what We could do in the
way OF style. variety and quantity. Well
he came, and he made his collection in
four days.
AS to variety-why, he confessed that
he got hundreds of kinds Of weather
that he had never heard of before
And as to quantity-wen, after he had
picked out and discarded all that was
blemished in any way, he not only
had weather enough, but weather t.
spare; weather to hire out; weather to
sell; to deposit; weather to invest;
weather to give to the poor.
The people Of New England are BY
nature patient and forbearing, but there
are some things which they will not
stand. Every year they kill lot OF
poets for writing about Beautiful
Spring"
These are generally. casual visitors
who bring their notions of Spring from
somewhere else, and cannot. of course
know how the natives feel about Spring
And SO. the first thing they know. the
opportunity to inquire how they feel has
permanently gone by.
Old Probabilities has a mighty repu-
tation for accurate prophecy anc
thoroughly we'll deserves it. You take
up the papers and observe how crisply
and confidently he checks off what to.
days weather is going to be on the
Pacific, down South, in the Middle
Western States, in the Wisconsin region
see him sail along in the joy and pride
OF his power until he gets to New
England, and then-see his tail drop.
He doesn't know what the weather
is going to be in New England. He
can't any more tell than he can tel
how many Presidents of the United
States there's going to be next year
Well. he mulls over it, and by anc
by he gets out something about like
this: Probable nor'-east to southwest
winds. varying to the southland anc
westard and BASTARD and points between;
high and low barometer, sweeping
around from place to place; probable
areas of rain, snow hail and drought
succeeded or preceded by earthquakes
with thunder and lightning"
Then he jotS down his postscript from
his wandering mind to cover accidents
But it Is possible that the program
may be wholly changed in the mean
time"
Yes, one of the brightest gems in the
New England weather is the dazzling
uncertainty of 1t. There is only one
thing certain about it. you are certain
there is going to be plenty of weather.
perfect and grand review. but you
never can tell which end of the process
sion is going to move first. You fix UP
for the drought: you leave your UNI
brella in the house and sally out with
your Sprinkling pot, and 10 to / you
get drowned.
You make up your mind that the
earthquake is due; you stand from un-
der and take hold of something tc
steady yourself, and, the first thing you
know, you get struck by lightning.
These are great disappointments. But
they can't be helped. The lightning
there is peculiar; 1t Is so convincing
When 1t strikes thing it doesn't leave
enough OF that thing behind for you
to tell whether-well, you'd think 1t was
something valuable, and a Congressman
had been there.
And the thunder When the thun-
der commences to merely tune I'D, and
scrape, and saw, and key up the instru-
ments for the performance, strangers
say. why, what awful thunder you
have IIcTc! ouC Wnen the baton is
raised and the real concert begins you'll
md that stranger down in the cellar
with his head in the ash-barrel.
Now, as to the size of the weather in
New England-lengthwayS I mean. I;
is utterly disproportioned to the size OF
that little country. Half the time, when
it is packed as full as it can stick, you
will see that New England weather
sticking out beyond the edges and pro-
jecting around hundreds and hundreds
| Of miles over the neighboring States
She can't hold a tenth part of hel
| weather. You can see cracks all about
where she has strained herself tryins
to do it.
I could speak volumes about the In.
human perversity of the New England
weather, but I will give but single
specimen. I like to hear rain on a tir
roof, 80 covered part of my roof with
| tin, with an eye to that luxury. Well
sir, do you think it ever rains on the
tin? No, sir, skips it every time.
Mind, in this speech I have beer
trying merely to do honor to the New