Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-07-10
The Once Over
CANADIAN BORDER TOUR
BY Fl. Z. PHILLIPS

CANADIAN BOBDER TOUR
Bottle Point to Barrel Falls: Take paved road past
ammunition works to a point opposite rifle range;
turn sharp left at intersection and proceed eight
miles, keeping border policemen with sawed-off shot
guns on left; turn right at cemetery full Of tourists
shot by mistake for rum-runners, and go due north
past emergency hospital until you come to Red Cross
tents: detour right around half-baked sharp-shooter
named Eddie and proceed on macadam road until you
see sign at city entrance reading: This is Barrel
Falls. Stop With Us Until Your Wounds Heal"
Half-pint Center to Copperstill Ledge: Take dirt
road from coroner's inquest assfar as ambuscade at
Soldiers Monument; turn left and proceed past tomb
of the Unknown Tourist; bear right gradually TO a
point between the ambulance terminal and summer
camp of middle headed enforcement agents, and go
north as far as group Of hysterical border policemen
LAYING a barrage on Ford cars containing women and
children.
Apprehension Greek to Boom-Boom Acres: Leave
eight-inch guns on left and proceed over surfaced
road past bullet-proof vest factory and marksn1aA-
ship branch of the international Correspondence
Schools; turn sharp right at drug store offering 20
per cent off on all first-aid supplies and keep TO
smooth road until you come to trenches being hastily
flung up by summer motorists who have decided TO
dig in for the season; turn left here to tree occupied
by government sharp-shooters and turn lett wnen
you hear heavy firing on extreme right.
Solong City to Goodnight Cove: Put on bullet
nroof vest and drive on concrete road past smokeleSs
powder factory; proceed about 10 miles to the ammu-
milton dump on right; put up automobile top. hide
children under seat and proceed carefully to point
between first-aid station and Tourist Reconstruction
Hospital, where 2~OO-pound enforcement officer will
- o0oSor r0poa ont IF r0adStpr nv the hair.
put on steel helmet and go due north as far as sign
reading: "You are now entering Goodnight Cove.
Don't say we didn't warn you"
3
Mrs. Eugene oNeil, wife of the playwright, has
won a divorce in Reno. Intolerable cruelty or read
ing the script Of "Dynamo"aloud.
.
THE H%ELIOPHoBE TEST
Before you lie in the sun determine whether you
are a heliophobe," urges DR.. Charles F. Pabst, derma-
tologist. And then what?
How to tell whether you are a heliophobe: Spend
a day in a bathing suit in the hot sun and then ask
somebody to slap you on the back. If you kill him
you are a heliophobe. If you don't you're a coward.
A corporation has been formed in Wall street to
sell vitamins. There will be, Of course "A" and r"
stock.
IL bCA15 NOAAAOICA " = AOOAA
thoughts can be transferred over the radio. Well, if
they can, it is going to make a lot Of boat-race and
baseball announcers feel pretty small.
.
Don't Shoot. There Is NO Liquor In This Oar"
say signs being carried by tourists near the Canadian
border. That's foolhardy. Some enforcement agent
is sure to shoot the occupants so he can stop the car
and read the sign.
YES, YOU'D BE
Americas first aviation country club has been fin
ished at Hicksville, L.. I. And you'd be surprised how
many other country club members realize that this
institution offers the only solution to the problem Of
getting over the water hole.
Stick to your desk and
Never go to sea
And you'll not be shelled
BY the dry nav-eeee.
A CHINESE PROBLEM
Mr.. Arthur Caperton, returning from China, re-
ports that the Chinese are extremely enthusiastic
about flying. Perhaps that is why SO many Cinnamon
take names like Hop Long.