Western news and the Libby times. [volume] (Libby, Mont.) 1920-1933, 1929-05-23
By LOWELL THOMAS

/ tobacco gives you time to think. II
somebody asks you an embarrassing
question. sou can roll your guild
around In your mouth. quicker up your
lips slowly. and spit deliberately and
elegantly. | had practiced rolling the
quid and splitting until | thought my.
self past' master ut the art.
But that smell, by Joe The unex-
pecied always happens TO mar the
best-laId plans-an help the worst.
We had been running our motor full
open. Because of the cargo of wood
that sealed the deck, there had not
been enough ventilation to gel rid OF
the fumes. The characteristic reek OF
crude oil burning In Diesel engine
seeped up through the secret en-
frances placed In my cabin. and ev
erything smeIIed OF 1t. What will the
search officer think when he smells
Diesel engine aboard sailing shipi
No use to hurn punk or sprinkle can
de cologne.
"Sfuff rug In the chimney Of the
kerosene stove" | yelled. .and turn
up the wicks of the oil lamps as high
as you can"
Stencil against stencil. kerosene
smoke against the fumes OF the mo .
tor. In five minutes my cabin smelled
to high heaven OF kerosene smoke.
The Brifisher had hove to now. and
we saw that she was the Avenger, an
armed merchant cruiser of some If
teen thousand tons She had big guns
trained on us, and her officers were
on the bridge looking US over with
their glasses.
The cruiser had put out a small
boat Two officers and sixteen sail.
ors were rowing toward Us. We must
receive them cordially, thought Go
Ing to the gramophone put on. tits
a Long Way to Tippernry." That
will make the officers feel good. | also
told the cook to stand In the door OF
the galley with a bottle Of whisky In
his hand. know the British know
what they like, and | guessed TINT
while the officer proceeded with his
job. his jnck-tnrs would go pokine
about to see II they might find any
thing suspicious. | also suspected that
they would go to the guIley and sing
out.
~ there, Cookie, got any grog?"
Always give British sailor drink
or German sailor. or an American
sailor, or any kind of sailor. fol
that matter.
The boat was alongside. | began
TO swear Of my men. 1t was hard for
them TO forget their naval habits and.
With an officer coming aboard. they
were standing as stifily as If at at.
tentlon.
take the line, by Joe. Give hand
by Joe. Don't stand there like wooden
men, by joe"
Then, too, II would sound natural to
hear Norwegian skipper swearing at
his men.
The search officer. clambered aboard
Merry Christmas. Captain"
"Merry Christmas, Mister Officer,
| replied, using the kind OF broken
English | thought Norwegian skip
per would use. talk English with
az accent. luckily about the same
brand you would near In a Scandina-
Wan port. But" continued. III you
want to see what kind OF Christmas
we have had come along down to my
cabin"
"A bit OF nasty blow this past
week. eh, whatl" agreed the officer,
land from the look OF your deck
you've had more than your share OF
1t. We went 10 behind the islands
and waited for her to blow over"
Eyes, luckily for u.s." | thought.
Il must see your papers. captain"
He got right down to business. just
then the gramophone struck up
"Tipperary," and he began to whistle
the tune while his men maHe for the
galley. | ushered Ahe two officers to
the cabin. The one who stuck his
head In first retreated holding bis
nose.
what a h--l OF q smell"
Excuse me. Mister officer, but my
stove is out OF order | could not
know you gentlemen were giving me
visit today"
"Oh. never mind, captain. that's all
right, that's all right"
| had purposely hung my underwear
up to dry SO 1t would be In their way
and so that, In STOPPING to get under
1t. they would see the name sknnd.
sen" embroidered on 1t AS the chief
search officer crossed the cabin be
suddenly saw my charming wife Jose
phine, with her blonde wig her swo
len jaw, and the rug hiding her big
feet.
''Oh. excuse me-"
THAT Is my wife, Mister Officer.
She has been having q bad go with
the toothache."
lie was chIvHrous, just as most
Englishmen are. He might have been
talking to court lady. instead OF that
rascal Schmidt
Sorry. madam, to intrude like this