Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1929-09-26
Learn to Play
Lip Golf
BY RING LARDNER


To the Editor:
1t takes all kinds of golf players to
make a world in the good old summer
time. but along about this time Of yr.
lhey's only . classes you might say.
namely happy married men and guys
that can AFFORD 10 go South. The lst
named has got a big advantage in
many WAYS. For inst. they don't half
to spend from / night to a wk. in one
of them new fangle Pullmans witch
some people jokeingly calls a sleeping
car. | could go on and name a whole
lot of other advantages witch a
married man has got if they was any.
On the other hand the bachelors
goes South In the winter and can golf
all the yr. around and are right on
their game when the season opens up
north whereas the men with baggage
has got to begin all over again every
May, and it generally always takes
them till the 1st of Nov. to find our
what is the matter with their game.
Well, anyway, last spring l hadn't
no more than mastered the mack of
getting off the LIST tee In 2 when they
was a nation wide clamor for a good
reporter to write up the big subjects
Of the day and l had to spend most OF
the fall In the rough, namely the
World Series out In old Pittsburg and
the one out in New York.
The net results was that / didn't
really start to begin to commence my
golf till the central part Of Oct.
My brother married men will say
yes but what are we going to do
about it? Well gents l don't know
what you are going to do about IT,
but personally l have got up a game
witch l have named lip golf, and |
have tried 1t out with grand success
and vile it don't give a man no phys
ical exercise, why it keeps their mind
on golf and don't allow them to for
get it during the off season and when
they start playing again In the spring
they have at least got the language at
their tongues and don't half to waste
Z or 8 wks. mastering the verbage all
over again and 1t can be played In the
house any time of day or night and In
all kinds of weather.
The rules Of lip golf is the folling:
No matter what remarks the wife
makes, the husbands replys is to be
given In golf parlance. That's all they
is to the rules and anybody can learn
1t In one lesson and the best time to
try 1t out is at a meal. For inst. sup
pose the kiddies has been tucked away
for the night in the waste basket and
you and the wife has set down to din
ner. Your part of the folling CONVEX
sation would be what you might call
par lip golf.
AN EXHIBITION GAME
Wife-What train did you come out
on?
Husband-I missed the first two but
got home on my third.
Wife-We caught a mouse this p. m.
Husband-Did he get into a trap?
Wife-No. Carrie killed him with a
broom.
Husband-That's a good Carrie.
Wife-Im going to get rid Of her,
though, I'll tell her I've decided to do
my OWE work.
Husband-A fine lie!
Wife-Will you have some more
bread?
Husband-I can't get rid of this
slice.
Wife-No more potatoes or nothing2
Husband-How Is the green's?
Wife-All gone. I'm sorry. Did
you have much lunch?
Husband-I had a couple of good
rolls.
Wife-We must hire a new chauf-
feur. Gus don't never clean the car.
Husband-Can't drive, neither.
Wife-The garage man says he can
get us a good one.
misunderstanding he has =
cold)-Caddy?
Wife-Yes, you better see him.
HuSband-I hooked one today.
Wife-Oh, you did! Who?
Observation-Disclosures.
Wife-The Bucks driver? But /
thought they paid him $50 a wk.
Husband-I topped it.
Wife-But we can't afford It.
Husband-Why not?
Wife-You can't always win at polk
er. BY the way. how much does the
boys owe you from last night?
misunderstanding 80. Victor 70
and the Colonel 81.
Wife-I bet Victor didn't dast tell
his wife. She's a terrible loser. You
and her would make a good team. You
ought to know her.
Husband-Ouimet.
Wife-Oh, that's right. Say, what
do you think Of them salad forks Ma
sent2
misunderstanding?
Wife-Certainly. They cost $50 q