Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-08-04
Il Short Story of
a Big Boy Who
Had Many Trou-
bles, and a Little
LAZY Who Cured
Them.

"HE world was no crossword puzzle to
Oswald Farriday; he knew it was
going to a naughty word with four
letters that means where Lucifer roostS
and others roast. He knew that life
was full of sadness, sickness, wickedness, and
that around every corner hrked a bill coll
lector the Grim Reaper or . banana peel.
When he was years old they said it was
his adenoids, at 10 his tonSils and at is his
teeth; but X-rays, knives and nurses cheered
Oswald none; and at 20 his family finally
realized his own gray matter had generated
the blue
Despite the fact that. according to him,
weak heart huttered in his strong chest;
lumbago leased his tanned, muscular back and
neuritiS nestled in his supple, Shapely legs,
Oswald, when "a and professional lifeguard
at Haven Beach, did not give any one astig-
matiSm to look at him. His meditations upon
the futility Of existence were interrupted by
countless members Of the fair sex who I'M
fairly yelled for help.
One bright Summers day when he was
gloomly standing on the sands little brunette
chit, exposing so per cent Of her fascinatingly
proportioned epidermis, strolled up to him.
tsRIG boy" said she. admiration yelled in
her sparkling eyes and an audacious
quirk to her lovely red mouth, whats the
chances of getting you to teach me to dive?"
Oswald Farriday gazed somberly down on
the water witch, who wasn't so hard on the
optics herself. Diving is dangerous" he said
"Youd better stick to swimming and don't go
beyond the ropes. I read the other day where
a fellow killed himself by diving in shallow
pool, and in years time more than 100 people
lose their lives by diving"
My" she exclaimed '"That's something
terrible I never realized diving was so dan
4 hnxAo %kH0a~ TTYa1I
when do we start the lesSons?"
Whats your name?" the Nfeguard coun-
tered coldly.
You can call me sweetie, sugar or queenie"
she replied innocently, and get your face
slapped. Father calls me that expensive
daughter, mother calls me late to breakfast
and brother doesn't call me at all. But it's
down in the family Bible as Ruth, with the
accent on the third syllable. What's yours?"
You're fresh," ne complained querulously.
Life Is all frivolity to you. Don't you ever
think of serious things?"
Sure" she answered. "Like wrinkles, bridge
debts, pyorrhea-and you. You're serious, Big
Boy. Are you in love or did you have too
much lobster salad for lunch?"
Love? Bah!" he sneered mournfulIy.
There's no real honest love nowadays. No.
just don't feel good that's all. I'm unhealthy.
I've got lumbago, neuritis and paIpitation OF
the heart. Lately I've been suspecting indi-
gestion and also varicose veins. Did you
know the average man dies when he is 26?
I'm "a The future doesn't seem bright at
all. Happiness was not meant for me-"
Il feel for you," she said naively feeling for
him with her slender white hand And so
I'll tell you way to dodge that date two years
from now. They say 90 out of 100 persons
die in bed. Try sleeping on the floor"
"You looked different" he said bitterly.
you seemed mite sympathetic. I'm sorry
I got so confidential"
Forgive me!' she said contriteIy "ITI ten