Seward daily gateway., 1929-05-08
CONSISTENCY Thou Art a Jewel

If there are any gods in Mars or whimsical imps sitting the edge of Saturn giving the once over they must get wonderful kick out of America. Give them straw to chew and stove to spit at and this is about what they're saying:
 Now take Old Man Kellogg He got all them there nations to agree not to fight and after he gets home, by jinks congress backs him up with five crus 
 And then on the other hand, don't want to in- terfere around this western hemisphere just to show how much don't send marines to Nicaragua, let the civil authorities of Mexico have explosive guns and dynamite and don't give em to anybody else
 Then again got thru burning witches in Salem 300 years but just to show be uptodate we start shooting each other in Pennsylvania because voodoo doctor tells us to-
 Then we have 860 some churches saying the bible was the fundamental word and man never could be monkey and 86O odd churches. spending mill lions in great edifices where heavyloong person can get up and say man is and always was monkey, but if he folds his hands and closes his eyes and buttons his collar in the back, he'll finally get to race course where monkeVs are entirely excluded
 Then while everybody mixed up in the Hast great the real patriots kept the homefires burning by slipping over the 18th amendment and have been chortng about 1t since notwithstanding the fact that the booegger is king win poison that costs four times much honest whskey used to cost that the government is spending millions in alleged enforcement instead of taking in millions sane regulation; that prohibition has made So many crooks out of One-tlme honest that the citizen hestates to ap- prOach public official to III ire ala1n ana Chicago has got tired of sniping 'em one at time Tn the streets the bulrshes and gets em all together in a harm and shoots lem wholesale.
 That the honest farmer-Old Si with his patched overalls and his radio and his "Sin-TWix"-is just breaking down in the middle of his back and the govern ment must get busy to help him and in order to help him must tinker with the tariff to give the big indus tralists another billion that the farmer can get million.
 Then Uncle Sam gives s35O OO0O,OOO to the Colorado river to develop horse power but rengs oil permits because don't need oil anyway
 And we can Snend S20OOOOOO to build cruiser ana a $1500O airplane drop bomb on it and blow 1t clean out of the water
 Then up here in Alaska they but whats the use!
 Yes indeed, the gods must laugh-we are so sen sble and so wonderfully consistent
 What bunch of saps Aaskans are. We send a couple of dozen legislators down to Juneau every two years at Territorial cost of approximately $13OOOO and whe nthe smokescreens of party battles clears away, To and behold, got couple of hundred Not satisfied with the bureau handcuffs own rep resentatives must forge additional shackles
 451round bout between two pugilsts is proposed. Which would perhaps insure almost five rounds of fighting.
 An aienist says that insanity is the decrease. But then, there are so many new names for things nowadays.
 The bureaus will get you if you don't watch out!