The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1929-07-12
DiUOrCe Is
NOtSOlutiO71
to Problem
By MARTHA LEE.

InOSE PERSONS WHO 20 10 IIlE Ill
vorce courts to have their marital
problems solved soon find out that
the problem not only has not been
solved, but it is. if anything. more
tangled than before.
And the reason seems to be this,
from the trend of the letters I get
from grass widows and widowers.
You see. when two people marry
and spend months or years togeth-
err. there is an Undesirable and
unbreakable bond between them.
1t is not the VOWS they have taken
when they became man and wife.
1t is not the habit Of being together
for years. 1t is not the dependency
of the one upon the other. 1t is
not even the children that their
union has brought forth. 1t is. per-
hapS, a combination of all theses
Whatever it is, it is the reason
for the part in the marriage VOW
that says: Whom God has joined
together, let no man put asunder."
Bona = OF hT0Ken
The divorce court can make a
separation legal and effective. 1t
can say that the husband no longer
is q husband and the wife again is
as free as advice. But that doesn't
mean a thing. Because this bond
is not broken. On the surface, the
separation has taken place. Really,
the disunion never can take place.
And that. is the reason the di-
vorce court does not solve marital
problems. 1t merely poStpones them.
And when the thread is picked up
again, it is more raveled than ever.
Take this woman who writes con-
corning her separation and divorce
from her husband. 1t is typical OF
thousands of such cases.
Dear Martha Lee: Twelve years ago l
married my childhood sweetheart 1 had
not been instructed in the requisites of
good wife. Consequently, outside of
being madly in love with my husband, 1
lacked plenty. We we're hampered by the
fact that We we're both quite young and
had been used to quite 2 bit.
We we're not prepared for the read1ust-
ment Our affairs became the affairs OF
every member Of both our families and
the marriage ended In a divorce.
NV husband married again some years
later in distant city. He separated from
his second wife and has returned. Several
months ago I happened to meet him on
the street. Since then / have seen him
job and Wife Lost
His wife is quite Young, eXtravagant,
airtatious and extremely attractive. He
lost his lob and she left him. I do not
know her and she does not know me.
And. by the way. he did not tell me these
things himself.
The years since ne separated have been
filled with hesrtaches and disappointments
for both of us. We are both older and, I
hope, wiser. ] don't want to hurt any
one. All these years I have been so
lonely. To be with him again is Just
like coming home.
So far I simply have disregardeo his
wife's existence. He has no children by
her. and our baby died. He is discour-
aged and has been i'll. and I just couldn't
stand by and see my sonny's father in
llGEO 40 1OAs as ilelfC AA4S uA+---S' ~
him, but what should 1 90?
We had our chance and ] can under
stand some one else caring IS much as
I do. And surely I can't criticise his
wife for making the same mistakes
myself made.
If I would 20 to her and talk. 1t Is
very likely she would go back to him
whether she really wanted him or not, as
long as she knew someone else dio.
1 think he is little afraid to take
second chance with me. Nov What should
do? Is this a case of every woman for
herself or what? I really think he cares
for both of US. We are very different.
I'm sonnys mother. and when things go
wrong, he wants me.
It's Real Tragedy
1t seems such a tragedy, Miss Lee. Men
and women love each other. but can't
understand each other. and their pride
keeps them from admitting themselves
wrong when they are. Years later, they
look back to see how little pride meant
and how infnitesimal all other things are
in comparison to the loneliness and th3
haunting phrase. cit might have BEEN"
ESTHER.
You have found out, Esther. like
so many others, that the divorce
court can not possibly solve human
problems. Here you are, faced with
a much more muddled problem be-
cause of the divorce.
You can not do anything, my dear,
but sit by and wait and be kind
tn this man who was your huS-
band. 1t really is his problem to
solve now, not yours.
He must decide whether he wants
YOU or the woman who now is his
wife, Or neither. AS you say, you
had your chance and lost it at your
own instigation. And if you truly
feel that you love him more than
this other girl does, that you are
better qualified to bring him happi-