Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-04-14
ENFORCEMENT SNT
Ar GR|D||ROND|NNER
Flanagan" and "Finnigan"
Dialogue Is Feature-0Id-
Time Bar in Evidence.

The law enforcement problem, with
its troubles for the drinking classes as
well as for the enforcement officers, was
handled by the Gridiron Club at its din
ner last night An old-time bar, glasses
and bottles were revealedeto the dinner
guests. one MEMBER Of the club APP
sneareds in bartenders costume, an
swering to the name Of eEdr Elaisigan.'
another member, mr. FiRSf gan.1 en-
tered, and the following dialogue took
place, d.
Mr.. Planissn: Good aehifs. Jawn.
Wil We jine me in. law inforcemint
highhall-two parts Vrginny butter
milk, wan part Idaho p'taties an a dash
Nv Californy orange Juice" H.
!, Mr.. Finnigan: "Dhrink 1T ye'ersilf.
They're hangln' min an 5Wimmin fr
bra-akin' tn Jones law a. besides I'll
take nothin' that isn't tested. What
dye think iv tn cabinetY'
Mr.. Flanagan: IT dinnaw; I'm slow
comm t day-cisions about strangers.
III wait'f'r tn Sinate invest'gashuns be-
fure maxim up me mind. TIL hearin's
will be goin' full blast in few weeks,
an their lives an wur-rks will be as
bare as a poplar tree in a March wind.
mo man guilty iv bra-akin into tn
cabinet will Escape. an many,s tn man
guilty Nv thryin' t. bra-ak inT%ill have
his name prom 'nintly mentioned. They'll
ask Nv Walter Brown an Jim Good are
tn far ra-achin' -iv-purpose miters or
ony a noble ixper'n1tnt. Thsylfs want
t. know, why tn Pressdint sint T. tn
Philpeens t. get Hinnrg StiniSon into
tn cabinet an tried t. sind Bill Donvon
t. tn Phiipeens t. ka-ap him cut.
Charles Francis Adams viii be raked
fore an aft an midshipS. Pat Harrison
will give him TIL weight iv his tongue
ON account ~ his great-great grandfather
hayin' been Presdint befure Thomas
Jefferson. Because they're firm. Penn
sylyanny. Andy Mellon an Jim Davis
VIII be investigated sev'rally an Unity
an on gin'ral principles. A State that
can have Ony wan man in tn Sinate is
not Untitled t. two in tn cabinet.
They'll be zine invest 'gashrns an We
can take ye'er pick. FIR mesiIf, I'll 90
tn Gin'ral Mitchell hearin'; not tn
Gin'ral Mitchell We know, who few at
tn German gin'ral staff durin' tn war,
an at tn Amer'cun gir'ral staff after
tn war, but the GinraI Mitchell iv
Minnesoty. an .ol line Dimmy-crat, who
always voted TIL straight ticket kept
awhin Republicans were r1nriff' FIR
Pres dint. He's the new Attorney Gin
raj who's taken over tn JOB in inforcin'
law inforcemint.
"Befure tn war ye cud get good beer
-fr five cintS an bad whisky f,r tin.
Congrissnin recnized tn FIVE an tin
In tn Jones-Stalker law, but tn laos
at tn ports didn't ree'nize Congrissmin.
re can la-ad dry mimher e tn
Tather,s idge, but he'll not let ye see
him dhfink Times change an Gus
toms change an customs offcers
change their minds. can ray-mimber
whin Numbers were invited t. bra-ak
bottiessiv champagne whin transport
was launched. Now they're ordhered
T. bra-ak thin wflin She docks.
: "Gin'raf Mitchell is-ti9 boss. There's
a job f'r ye! He won't be invest gated.
Instead they'll hold what's called a
survey t. find out iy he's tn right
man fr tn place. = The Southern
Dlmmy-cratS will be FIR him in principle
an agin him in practice, an tn North
ern Republicans agin him in principle
an f'r him in politics. can see him
on tn stand now answerin' questions
an outlinin' his plans. Twill be
sight worth goin miles t. see.
'Whin all are sa-ated. tn newspaper
min at their places an, tn raddio an
nouncer at tn mike, in will come tn
Attorney Gia'r with IA drayload siv
books an charts an suryeyin' intr'mints
all carried by dep'ty marshals in charge
~ Mabel Will'brand
"QueStion be Sintor Wagner: Mr..
Attorney Ginral, I'd like We t. tell in
ye'er own way how ye mtind inforcin'
law inforc mint
Answer be tn ATTORNEY Ginral:
Wen start with tn cirter iv population;
say it's Springfield, Illinoy, or Spring.
field, Massachusetts. Wen draw a
circle around both Nv thin. In tn
hypotnuse iv TIL triangle we'll put tn
Survey Commy-tee iv seven Livellin'
thin be. rules iv trignontry, We'll have
i've on tn lip1. Thin be applyin' tn
.Lithry Digest poll Wen get tn names
~ all tn bootleggers, tn number 5iv
acres planted {, corn, III bushels iv
rye in Kansas an tn boats comm in
firm Scotlan'. With alt this an more,
crOSS-lnuexeQ an c2FIOgeQ We can at
minutes notice start inforcin' law
inforc mint " we can get tn aid liv
tn, Coast Guard, tn Nat'nal Guard,
tn Marine Corps, tn polls, tn fire day
partment, tn moral support iv tn
Sinate an tn thu cooper ton Nv tn
dhrinkin' classes
well, sir, he'll be on tn stand FIR
dahs an they'll fave<t hold night ses-
sions t. hear 1t ALL twill be tn most
inlightnin' day-scussion Nv modhern
times an those who sit through lit
will be eligible FIR a day-gree DIV
Docther iv Science at Stanford Uni
vers'ty. / niver thought I'd live t.
see tn dab, but with tn Survey Comn1y-
tee hard at wur'rk an Gin'ral Mitchell
t. back thin up, in few years pathEol
wagons will be found ony in tn Smith
sonyan Instoot. an alcohol nowhere
iXcipt in Imb'SSies an tn House Office
Buildin'." Il
Mr.. Finpigan-"Don't We think we'll
liver again have ra'al dhrink t'gether2"
Mr.. Flanigan-"Iv coorse we Will.
Wen dress up as couple iv twins an
go FIR social call on tn Simese Min
'ster".
Mr.. Finnigan = "Come on. thin.