The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1929-05-13
Mother or
Wife Which?
Arises Again
BY MARTHA LEE


Since we have been talking over
this two families in one house
idea, We might just as well clear
the decks Of all cases on docket.
Both other letters on this subject
have been from men. Today we
are going to consider the woman
viewpoint.
AS I have said so many times, to
my way of thinking no house ever
was built that could stand the strain
of two families on its foundation.
A double house with soundproof
walls, separate entrances and what
nots might do. But one house is
taboo.
Every young couple should have
a home Of their own, be it four walls
and one window. There they can
stage their first quarrel, kiss and
make UP, and no one will be the
wiser.
Winner Already Picked
On the other hand, if they have
moved in with mother and dad, on
the sidelines would be two inter-
ested and biased spectators, with
the winner picked at the first ring
of the bell. No odds, no nothing. A
fixed" knockout. And that isn't
fair. (And there must be misunder-
standings, however genteel.
Why, when a little girl is just able
l. Oh r+o OWE IF
her own home, and how she will do
things when she grows up and gets
married. She's even got things
planned down to how she will ar
range her dishes in the cupboard.
She doesn't want some older wo-
man who has been keeping house
for thirty-f1ve years to tell her it is
bad to keep the frying pan in such
and such a place. because it causes
too much STOPPING, or that she
really shouldn't buy little Czecho-
Slovakian cups and saUcers, because
they are SO hard to match.
Wants Own Home
There is the whole secret of the
discomfort, I guess-being bossed.
Here is a little bride who wants her
own dolls house.
Dear Miss Lee-I am a constant reader
OF your column. I know how you have
helped other girls and I wonder if you
can help me.
I am 10 and married and have a baby
boy a year old. 7 am very unhappy. Miss
Lee. My husband and I live with his par
ents. AS consequence, never can have
anything the way I want it. I must listen
to my mother-in-law about everything.
Housework, the care of my baby, every
thing. Hasn't she raised children to man
and womanhood? Well. then, her way
must be right. she tells me- When I OBJ
ject to being bossed, my husband gets
angry with me and sometimes won't
speak to me for several days.
We have been married since I was IS
and never since then we have lived this
way. My husband has promised all this
time to get a place of our own-that is,
up to six months ago-snd now he alb
solutely refuses to leave his mother:
I love him dearly. Miss Lee, but do you
think he possibly could love me and act
this way? Who should come first, a
mother or wife? 1t is not because dis
like my mother-in-law. I don't. But I
want to raise my own baby and do things
NV own wav M
A mother and wife both love
the same one. They have equal but
different rights. That sounds like a
paradox, but it is possible. A
mother, because she has reared her
boy from childhood, naturally has
his best interests at heart. Only she
may not see past the fact that q
home of your own is going to de-
prive her boy of many things be-
cause of the expense.
Wife Comes First
But after her son picks out the
ring and the girl, she must relinq-
uish her rights in favor Of the
daughter-in law. Her job from then
on is to advise, unself1shly and de-
spite any personal feelings, for that
which will be to the best interests
of her son and his happiness.
In this case she should make your
son get you a home OF your own,
even if it is only a room He is old
enough to stand on his own feet
now. Explain to her that you like
her immensely, but the baby is
growing older and you would like
to relieve her of the responsibility
of watching over healthy growing
youngster. Make her see that her
son would do SO much better, would
progress so much faster, if he we're
utterly dependent upon himself.
And I am quite sure you both would
be happier.