The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1929-03-13
You Can Be
Too Nice to
Your Mate
BY MARTHA LEE

Way back when play writing was
a very new art, pearl of wisdom
was dropped concerning women. It
was q sort Of left-handed compli-
ment. It was word Of warning
to men, from a man who knew his
women and did his best to see that
they got along.
The whole thing is contained in
a play called "a Woman Killed
With Kindness" Now the play
wright might have been in sympa-
thy with wife whose husband was
simply overwhelming her with what
he considered kindness. Or he. might
have been making fun Of her for
not appreciating a good husband
when she had one. He may have
been poking wit at the men who
make doornats out of themselves.
Whatever It was, and why, it all
amounts to this: There are wom-
en- who, if not slain outright, watch
their love die slow and painful
death because of too much kindness
and attention.
I get letters from women con-
stantly who are complaining be-
cause their husbands are too cold
and inattentive. But just the same
they love them and stick by them
I am not advocating that all mer
should turn into frigidaires. But ]
do say, treat women more like SEN
sible human beings and less like
fragile, delicate orchids, which they
most decidedly are not.
Here is letter from a boy wIlc
Is killing the thing he loves by
too much kindness:
Dear Miss Lee--I am in a terrible uuan-
Diary. I have been married for two years
I love my wife dearly and we were very
HAPPY for the first year and half. Then
there seemed to be chenge. It is not
anything I Just can grab hold of. It is
just change in attitude.
I give her everything she wants, and
sometimes think even more, because she
often says that am too good to her.
am affectionate and thoughtful. That
4AhC uIhSSlIBs. MISS Lee II
isn't, because cannot think of anything
to do but something to please her.
It is not that she does not act apprecia-
tive. because she does. But somehow she
acts bit annoyed, too, when do some
thing special. 1t is such hard thing to
explain, Miss Lee. do not know whether
I can make myself clear. Anyway. this
isn't all my imagination. WORRIED.
You are killing her love with too
much kindness. You are oyerwhelm-
ing her with too much of everything.
You are making her feel unworthy
of such a love, of such husband.
You are making her feel like hot
house plant instead of woman,
capable of standing pain and trouble
and heartache.
And she is reSenting your attitude,
unconsciously. And you would bet
ter change your ways before she be-
comes fond of it, because after that,
it will be too bad.
Treat her like a human being.
Then watch her change in her at
titude, right back where you started
from.
t. Il
And from a woman, comes this
letter:
Dear Miss Lee-I have been married
four years and have one child, 2-years.
olds. Ever since we were married have
made 1t my one aim in life to please my
husband. I have what he likes to eat.
I go where he wants to go. Ever since our
marriage I have put myself in the back
ground for his likings. And all for the
purpose of having happiness in our home.
But the joke is on me. He isn't happy.
He acts moody and irritable and takes ev-
cry chance he can to find fault with me.
Now what is the answer?
UNHAPPY WIFE.
Ask me a hard one. You are too
nice to him. How's for having
what you like once in a while, just
to show yourself that you still do
have tastes of your own? How's
for going where you want to for a
change? No man likes woman to
merge her character into his, to
mold all her tastes to fit in with
his. He married you because you
were an individual, a "you," not be-
cause he wanted a twin. There is
nothing like a little individuality to
helm a, marriage succeed