Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-07-10
The Once Over
CANADIAN BORDER TOUR
BY q. z. PHILLIPS

BORDER TOUR
Bottle Point to Barrel Falls: Take paved road past
ammunition works to a point opposite rifle range;
turn sharp left at intersection and proceed eight
miles, keeping border policemen with sawed-off shot
guns on left; turn right at cemetery full Of tourists
shot by mistake for rum-runners, and go due north
past emergency hospital until you come to Red Cross
tents; detour right around half-baked sharp-shooter
named Eddie and proceed on macadam road until you
see sign at city entrance reading: This is Barrel
Falls. Stop With Us Until Your Wounds Heal"
Half-pint Center to Copperstin Ledge: Take dirt
road from coroner's inquest as far as ambuscade at
Soldiers Monument; turn left and proceed past tomb
of the Unknown Tourist; bear right gradually to a
point between the ambulance terminal and summer
Camp Of muddle-headed enforcement agents, and go
north as far as group of h~ysterical border policemen
LAYING a barrage on Ford cars containing women and
children.
Apprehension Creek to Boom-Boom Acres: Leave
eight-inch guns on left and proceed over surfaced
road past bullet-proof vest factory and marksman-
shin branch of the International Correspondence
Schools; turn sharp right at drug store offering ~
per cent off on all first-aid supplies and keep TO
smooth road until you come to trenches being hastily
flung up by summer motorists who have decided to
Qb III v bLC OCooOAls VNAA AAo
by government sharp-shooters and turn left when
you hear heavy firing on extreme right.
solong City to Goodnight Cove: Put on bullet
proof vest and drive on concrete road past smokelesS
powder factory; proceed about 10 miles to the arnnu-
milton dump on right; put up automobile top, hide
children under seat and proceed carefully to point
between first-aid station and Tourist Reconstruction
Hospital, where 2~00-pound enforcement officer viii
be seen dragging woman out Of roadster by the hair;
49, 1~I ~ lrna nrt &c a q c SIGN
reading: "You are now entering Goodnight Cove.
Don't say we didn't warn you"
Mrs. Eugene OrNei wife of the playwright, has
won a divorce in Reno. 1ntolerable cruelty or read
ing the script of "Dynamo"aloud
THE H~ELIOPHOBE TEST
Before you lie in the sun determine whether you
are a heliophobe," urges DR.. Charles F. Pabst, derma-
tologist. And then what?
How to tell whether you are a heliophobe: Spend
a day in a bathing suit in the hot sun and then ask
somebody to slap you on the back. If you kill him
you are a heliophobe. If you don't you're a coward.
A corporation has been formed in Wall street to
sell vitamins. There will be, of course "A" and B"
stock.
Experiments are being conducted to see whether
thoughts can De transferred over the raulO. well, IL
they can, it is going to make a lot Of boat-race and
baseball announcers feel pretty small.
: +
"Don't Shoot. There Is NO Liquor In This Car"
say signs being carried by tourists near the Canadian
border. That's foolhardy. Some enforcement agent
is sure to shoot the occupants SO he can stop the car
and read the sign.
YES, YOU'D BE SURPRISED
Americas first aviation country club has been fin
ished at HicksvIle, L. !. And you'd be surprised how
many other country club members realize that this
institution offers the only solution to the problem Of
getting over the water hole.
Stick to your desk and
Never go to sea
And you'll not be Shelled
BY the dry nav-eeee.
a CHINESE PROBLEM
Mr.. Arthur Caperton, returning from China, re-
ports that the Chinese are extremely enthusiastic
about flying. Perhaps that is why SO many Cinnamon
take names like Hop Long.