Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-04-18
The Once Over
THE CRITIC
BY II. I. PHILLIPS

III CRITIC
Scene: A meeting Of the Hoover Cabinet at Wash
ington. The session has just opened and it is obvious
from the solemn mems Of the officers that q matter
Of grave import is under discussion.
The President: This is indeed a grave moment
gentlemen. Ne must be brave.
Secretary Of state: A few days ago all was peace
and quite. The country was content and happy.
Nowhere was there a cloud on the horizon and now
.......
The President: "A great crisis such as this gen
orally comes when it is least expected. 1t Is a bolt,
as it we're. from the blue. and we are deeply grieved.
l have spent the last three nights pacing up and
down in my bed room trying to figure a way out
but in vain. 1t is my firm hope that some of you
gentlemen may have thought of a peace plan. Has
the Secretary of War anything to suggest?
Secretary of War: AS the matter bids fair to come
under my department at any moment l have given
IL careful study, l can see no way out except to seat
Mrs. Gam at the head Of the table and back her
up with a full brigade Of marines If necessary.
The President; Are there any marines in this
country now?
Secretary Of War. Not many, but can recall a
few from other lands if necessary.
The President: Has the secretary Of State any
opinion to offer as to whether Mrs. Gam should
be seated in precedence over the wives Of Ambas-
sailors or not?
Secretary of State: Had had any idea such a
delicate problem would have arisen I should have
remained in the Philippines, where everything was
relatively quiet and uninvolved. Custom DEGREES that
the wife Of a Vice-President shall take precedence
over the wives Of Ambassadors at dinner, but Mr..
Curtis, unfortunately, has no wife.
Secretary of the Navy: That's what comes Of
electing a Vice-President without a wife.
Secretary of the Treasury: I don't see what diff
ference it makes where Mrs. Gam sits. 1t will not
effect the prosperity of the country in any way.
Business is good in all parts Of the land, the first
quarter will show record earnings in all industries
and look for the greatest year in history.
Secretary Of Agriculture: 1 agree with the Sec
rotary Of the Treasury. The administration should
seat Mrs. Gam and seat her at once before the
matter becomes a subject of furtheR debate on the
farms of the country. Already the farmers and
their wives are spending so much time reading about
it and arguing that they are neglecting their spring
planting.
Acknowledgement: I have tried to find a way to
prohibit formal dinners as a violation Of the anti
trust laws or something, but without success. There
lis, however, one thing that can be done to solve the
problem and save the nation from carnage and dis
aster.
The President: What is that?
Attorney General: Name Mrs. Cams husband an
Ambassador to some court. Then an Ambas-
sador's wife she can't be put below Vice-Presidents
hostess and as the Vice-Presidents hostess she can't
be seated below an Ambassadors wife. That permits
her to sit anywhere she likes and solves everything.
The President Cgleefully): Splendid! Splendid
Gentlemen, the day is saved. 7 declare the. meeting
adjourned.