davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
Ballad of Indigestion!

(By Thomas kiefer) I, who have specialized in suds and
 steak, By way of victualage, since three
 or four, Gasp when I see a lovely lady take Her lunch in some apothecary
 store, And wonder, and shall wonder
 evermore, What there can be ((oh, ,mysteryD
 to tickle Her palate in these items adore: 4 soda and a cruller and a pickle. When Henrietta (what a bride shed
 makeD) The young enchantress who re-
 sides next door, Complains of-well, a little stom-
 ach ache, All solemnly the knowledge I de- plore,
 And tell her how the maids in
 days of yore Unto their constitutions were less
 fickle, Eschewng chow that evid record
 bore. Like soda and a cruller and a pickle. Oh. heed my counsel for your
 family's sake. Eat, if you must, green apples to
 the core. Consume a chicken or breaded veal
 take, Devour leaden biscuits by the
 score; Aye, ever yone of Natures rulings
 floor: Let moonshine vhiskey down your
 thorax tickle, Do anything you please, so you
 ignore A soda and a cruller and pickle. Prince. cast me on your darksome isle ashore, Life on this planet isn't worth a
 nickel, For I have downed-and oh. my | days are o'er!- A soda and a cruller and pickle!
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
25 Fears Ago Today

The Junior O. l.. A. M and the A. o. H. second division ball teams will play at Rentschler's park on Saturday afternoon.
 Clark Edwards has been appoint. ed manager of the Landlords asso- ciation
 Richard Vogel was elected trea- surer of the Turner society at it's meeting last evening.
 F. G. Platt of this city has declin- ed to accept the prohibition nomina- tion for governor.
 Corporation Counsel F. L. Hunger ford and wife have gone 10 Sharon where they will spend July and Aug ust.
 Constabes McCue and Zehrer ex- pect to finish up their dog catching business next Monday or Tuesday. It is expected that more dog licenses will be issued this year than in 1903.
 Professor Timothy Drake will pre- sent the passion play of Ober Am lnergau at the White Oak theater Sunday evening. The presentation includes over 100 brilliant views with powerful calcium light.
 The large list of local fraternal societies will be enlarged next week when a court of the Independent Order of Foresters will be instituted bout 70 charter members have al. ready been secured.
 It was learned today that Charles H. Morrill,, assistant principal al the high school. expects to accept a position in a normal school in Mas. sachusetts next year.
 At meeting of the Retail Clerks union held last evening, it was vot- ed to extend a vote of thanks to tho | Businessmen association for thei, decision in regard to Friday after noon closing.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
GOBBLING UP POWER BEFORE L. $. REGI LAYTON

That a Federal Utilities Commis- sion will be formed by Congress be- fore the year is out is taken for granted by Washington obsery CTS. The big power companies likewise take it for granted. Which explains why such superhuman efforts are being made by the large companies to obtain control of the independents before federal regulation takes effect.
 Anti-power trust congressman and senators are sincere enough. but they have given the power moguls plenty of warning about what
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
QUESTIONS ANSWERED A

You can get an answer to any writing to the Question Editor. New Britain Herald. Washington Bureau. 1922 New York avenue. Washington. D. C., enclosing two cents In stamps for reply. Medical. legal and martial advice cannot be given. nor can ex- tended research be undertaken. All other questions will receive a per sonal reply. Unsigned requests can not be answered. All letters are confidential. Editor.
 Q. How long does it take zoos" eggs to hatch?
 A. From 30 to g days.
 Q. What does the Latin phrase "Malomori guam foedari" mean?
 A. l would rather die than be guilty of crime"
 Q. Is there such a word as ''ilk" ?
 A. It is an archaic Scot wo" l meaning same"
 Q. What is another name for the 'parson bird A. "Tui." Q. How many gallons of wines and liquors were consumed in the United States in 1920? A. The estimate for that year was 325,573.229 gallons. Q. Is a nautical mile the same as a knot, and how does it compare with a statute mile?
 A. One nautical mile is a knot and equals 1.15 statute miles.
 Q. What radio stations has the call number W2XAG?
 A. It is assigned 10 an expert mental station owned and operated by the General Electric Company Schenectady, New York.
 Q. What verse by James Russell Lowell contains the line What is so rare as a day in June? And what is so rare as a day in June?
 Then, if ever, come perfect days Then heaven tries earth if it be In tune,
 And over it softly her warm ear
 lays"
 Q. Who made the first tele- scope?
 A. The earliest one was probably a refracting telescope, invented in 1908 by Hans Lippershey, a spec tacle maker in Middleburg, Holland. It was employed from 1909 in celes- tial observations by Calico, Simon Marius and Thomas Harriott
 Q. What was the first great transcontinental highway built across the United States?
 A. The Lincoln Highway, named as memorial to Abraham Lincoln.
 Q. Did the United States pur- chase Alaska from Great Britain? A. Great Britain never owned Alaska. It formerly belonged to Russia. from whom the United States bought it for s7,20O,0O0 in 1887.
 Q. How much did Jack Johnson and Jim Jeffries receive for the fight at Reno, Nevada, July 4 1910?
 A. Johnson received s60,6oo, 2 'bonus of s10,000 and s5o,OO0 fol picture privileges. Jeffries re, ceived s40,400, bonus of s10,00C and s66,666 for picture privileges.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

c. What is the value of the English walnut and pecan crops in the United States?
 A. In 1928 the English walnut crop was valued at s11, ,660,000; and the pecan crop at S7,9S0,00
 Q. How many new automobiles were sold in 1928 and what was the total value?
 A. The number was 3.220,000 and the value was 1000.
 Q. Is the Nile the longest river in the world?
 A. Yes.
 Q. Why are port holes in vessels made round?
 A. Because a round opening is easiest 10 make watertight, also t resists the beating of the waves better.
 Q. Does the President of the United States pay an income tax on his salary?
 A. No.
 Q. Is pure water tasteless?
 A. All water has taste, even the purest.
 Q. How often does mail leave New York city for Egypt?
 A. Once week.
 Q. What is the total wealth of the United States?
 A. According to the last avail able figures it is S320,S03, S62, ,00n. The per capita wealth is s2.91S.
 K. What is the last book writ ten by s. S. Van Dine?
 A. "The Bishops Murder Case"
 c. Where is "Old Baldy"?
 A. It is a mountain of Montana, near Virginia City, the highest point of high wall of limestone at the head Of Alder Gulch. Its altitude is 7,572 feet.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
TRICK WHEELS MISS GIRL

Although the front part of an ex- press truck passed over her body
 Florence Boncek. g. of 15l Oal; street, escaped serious injury We'd ncs1ay evening after being knock ed to the pavement by the radiator of the truck driven south on Oak street by Louis Cont of 50 Acorn street
 crossed the street in front of the ma chine and fell at such an angle that the front wheels missed her by few inches, Conti was not blamed by police. The child had slight inJur. ies and abrasions about her body.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
SQUELCHING THE FLAME IN FLAMING YOUTH

Youthful morals must be con- served and protected; and so there is another problem. Police and moral welfare organizations in Mas sachusetts, having seen enough to convince them that the overnight camps" which are alleged to dot the highways are menace to the youth of the land, want something done about a situation that has de- veloped with the ability of flaming youth to use automobiles to get away from the restrictions of regu- lated and regimented social customs.
 The situation in Massachusetts, we discover 10 our amazement, is now as bad as in the other New England states; and this because. like in the other states mentioned, there is no law to circumvent the devil at his worst.
 Parties out for good time are said to motor to cabins alongside the highways and there engage ac- commodations for as long as their spare time will allow. No questions are asked. No law applies. This con- dition pertains to New England as a whole, is the complaint, and there is much agitation here and yon about it. When the legislature meets again it will be asked to pass a law to control the situation.
 It seems to us that Boston. where the literary police department cen sors the books allowed to be sold in it's stores, and where travelling troupes are not allowed to carry on as is done elsewhere, should by this time be inclined to do without such immoral amusements as those at present furnishing the agitation The Watch and Ward society, too has operated in Boston for a gener- ation or more, and if it has had any influence at all one would think i, long ago succeeded in turning the minds of citizens from badness to light
 But on turning to the amusement page ads in the Boston Post one gets an idea that wild life in Bos- ton is wilder than almost anywhere else. In the issue of July 3 there were ads telling all about all night dancing celebrations, dancing and frolics at places until 4 a. m., at dancing till midnight and then a "frolic' until { a. m., or later. The dance ads take up much more space than any other type of amusement ads.
 All of which leads to the conclu- sion that generations of moral well faring around Boston hasn't i'm proved any morals. And that the legislature, if it joins, won't dc much good either. There is some thing about the situation that is en- tirely beyond control. And maybe il isn't as bad as the busybodles paint it.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

DO you want to go automobiling or spend your time shooting off firecrac ckers?" d fond daddy asked his young hopeful. Gimme the fire crackers" said the youngster. But the daddy had already spent the days budget for a full suply of gasoline, so that settled that.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

where two important thoroughfarcs met and there was only the corner shop between them. Dozens of peo- pie have tried 10 make this corner shop pay but they all failed until willy AberdOnian came along, leased 1t, and instead of putting his own MAIN ENTRANCE written there. He promptly made a fortune and the two Jews went bankrupt.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
In the Street Car

Overheard by Arthur Valentine) Hey lady yafare." "Pommey cadductir wasyou ad dressinme wasyou?"
 "Isez yafare lady gimme yafare." "Wellovalla noive howdastyou ad- dressme innat tona verce? Iva good minetatake yanummer."
 "takemenummer what callayou gotta takeme nummer?"
 "Ishowya whacall Igotta takeya hummer. Idalikea tona yaverce. Youwainta gemmen. Cha speak tammee lika gemmen?" "You speaktame lika lady andIll speak tayou likea gemmen."
 ''Iyaint making no boggns withno bus cadductors. You leamy alone now orI'll takeya hummer" | "Awright take menummer. 1bin- nonis bus fafour years andInevVa had notrubbil. I gotta waw rekkid swattagot a waw rekkid. AnnI m gonna ast fawitnessis. Gemmen vii you bea witness? Lady wiyou bea witness? Gemmen wiyou bea wit ness? Yahoid whattasaid wenshe comein. Isez lady yafare pleeze.' "Yanevva says Pleeze."
 'Ididtoo Iyawlwaze sez pleeze."
 "Yadid not. Thaminnit I steps onnabus yahollers fare amme lika bighorse asumpin."
 "Donchoo go callin me abighorse Youwaint gonno call to go callin me abighorse. Iyasta fayafare diddinI?' 'Soitinly swattI'm abjectin to-"
 "Wellady vacant abject tamme astin farafare. Since bizness astir ferrit innat tona verce.'
 Lady ayou gonna temme howta rumme biznisso Maybe yadlike to- gowup andrivabu fatha drava."
 "Nowlissen 1dawannomorea thi! IhHddanuff now stoppit."
 "Wellidwannamore ovvit meself Sowell callit quits see. Itsquits,"
 "Awritetits scuits. RutI jus wanna say wutthing more cadduc tir."
 "Whattisit lady?"
 You dontwant nevvata use atin solint tona verce tame again"
 Avocation!
 Calhoun: "Is running stereopti con your regular business?"
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Now that the myth of the barbed wire fence along the border Of Canada has been exploded, the of ficials of the barbed wire fence factories will have to return to hop ing that the farm relief law ln- duces farmers to buy more Of their product.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
Sore, Tender Feet
 Get Instant Relief
Pain, Ache, Burn, Soreness
 Vanish in Three Minutes

Foot sufferers! Heres great news. You can get relief in three minutes through a remarkable new dis covery called Kora Konia. It is made by Mennen-producers of finest shaving creams, talcums. baby powders, etc.
 Instantly you feel pain fade away. Aching, burning, throbbing end in three minutes. Swelling goes down. Ends friction of tight shoes. Ab- sorbs precipitation. Prevents odor. Keeps hosiery dry.
 Get Kora konia from any drug gist today. Bid goodbye 10 foot torture forever.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
M.mher Audit Bureau of Circulati

Member Audit Bureau of Circulation Tho A B. c. is national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver- tisers with e strictly honest analysis or circulation Our circulation statistics arc ha ,ed upon this audit. This insures pro- tection against fraud Tn newspaper dis tribution figures to botb national ana local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
POLICE PROTECTION COMPARISONS

From the police department we have received a letter, signed by the genial clerk of the police board, Joseph A. McGrail, referring to our comparisons the other day regar1- ing the amount of police protection in New Britain compared with such protection in other cities.
 Our correspondent says the fig Yres are correct-which is no sur prise to us considering the cautious manner in which we try to handle statistics-but he thinks the 4o supernlmerary policemen should not be included in figuring the actu- al protection given by the police department. His words, to wit:
 "Your statement regarding the numerical strength of the New BTU ain police department is correct but it must be borne in mind thai the 40 supernumerary policemen are not at all times employed; they are only employed when vacancles occur in the regular ranks, caused by sickness, vacations, etc. Consequently you should have used the number oi men in the regular department in your computation. namely, S6 - l2 officials and "A patrolmen.
 statistics show that in most Of the larger cities the ratio Is one patrolman to 500 inhabitants. We are far below this quota. We have only A patrolmen. and cn basis Of 75.oo0 population the ratio is ap- proximately 1 to 1,000,'
 All of which is perfectly reason- able as far as it goes. Indeed, we thought of whether 1t was proper to include the supernumerary of- ficers at the time the previous edi- torial was written. The decision came to include the supernumer- aries because there was no definite information that the supernumer- may be known in other cities = were not included in the statistics at hand. Mir. McGrail himself has given no definite information on this point, he assuming that the po- lice statistics from the other cities mentioned included only those actu ally patrollng the city. We could not make any such assumption for purposes of editorializing; to us police protection" means all avail able protection in a city unless specifically detailed otherwise in the statistics.
 The police clerk goes 10 the other extreme by not including officers lr the local protection figures. Note; "We have only 74 patrolmen, and on a basis of 75.00O population the ratio is approximately 1 10 looO.' Which is correct enough, but where is the certainty that the other cities which were mentioned in tn, list interpreted 'proteCton' as re ferring 10 actual patrolmen alone officials not included ? Unless there is the detailed list of officers ant patrolmen for all the cities men toned there is no proof regarding what method of computation wa used. This was one of the reasons why. in making comparisons, VI
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

James J. Hra.liock uud-f taa ..t. pound limit. I.oCghTsn wr.kh-t A2 yesterday after sir rounds c: roS.nt. several rounds Of ha,. HurchinD aId a strenuous setting rp dcili s. .,is training camp hert
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
aWr Har1v~ T' fSssfER iAHsestk :i; Has ye heard this one ?
THE ROAD TO SUCCESS

It is absolutely untrue that no Jew has ever been able to live in Aber- deen. This is a fiction assiduously spread by the Aberdonians them- selves to ward off possible and dan gerous competition within their own borders! AS a matter of fact two Jews once carried on successful businesses in the sane The. Their
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

An expert says it is harder to eat for the purpose of taking on flesh than to reduce. That remlnds us that we always did think fat men were heroes.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
No ReSpitet

NO ReSp1teI
 Gaines: Just think! At the rate aviation is advancing it will soon be possible to order goods from San Francisco and get them here the same day"
 Hardup: What of it? The in stalment collectors will be able to make the trip equally as fast"
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Pretty Young Lady: We would like a table near a window"
 Head Waiter: Sorry, 1 am un- able to grant your request, Miss. How would one near a mirror do?"
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
%"x%~4
MUST CUT WEIGHT

Hoosick Falls, N. Y. July {UP) Tommy Loughran, light heavy weight champion of the world, must cut his weight eight pounds in the next two weeks to enter the ring for his title bout in New York with
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

strav vberries are said to be rich in vitamins; but there is no good reason to prefer them as often as possible.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
Member of the Associated Press

Tho Associated Press Is exelusiVely en- titled 10 the use toi republication oi all news credited to ii not otherwise credited in this paper and also local news published therein.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
Sn,Irred Them On,

Spurred Them On! Mrs. Jamieson: "l wonder what makes the hens lay so well lately ?" Farmer Jamieson: T reckon they heard me say as how l was thinkin' about raising egg -plants.'
 -'nilson Roddey. Copyright 1929. Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Alas, When the airplane driver holds out his hand, up and down must be included in your effort to guess what he means.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
Facts and Fancies

The old timers may have been slow, but they didn't spend half or their time stopping and starting.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
 &:MlF#Qhq6 MAxsgaW RxzzAkk 1UDEZk
Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York.
Turn on the Light,

Though poets sing the moonlghts
 praise,
 And NJ. D.s laud the sunlight's rays, Away above them both We prize The funlight dancing in folks eyes!
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

The Herald Is on sale daily in Ne" York at Hotalings Newsstand. Times Square: Schultz's Newsstands, Entrance Grand Central 42nd Street
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

It all depends on the point Of view. When he society page says everybody has left town, nobody can notice the difference.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

It isn't so difficult to park parral- Tel with the curb if your lenders are the kind that won't show another dent or two.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

The only profitable advertising medium In the City. Circulation books and press room always open to advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

When Jerry wanted tooth pulled he went to a dentist named Calla han because, he said, his tteeth are of Irish eXtraction!
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
New Britain Herald
SUBSCRIPTION RATES
HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily Sunday Excepted) At Herald Bldg. s7 Church Street
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

One of the bad features about the Fourth is the Fifth,
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

The United States supplies one- fourth of the world trade in chenii- calls.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Only the rich can visit resorts, but the poorest can afford a few in- sect bites and get blistered in the sun.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

About the first thing that played out yesterday was patience.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Entered at the Post Ofice at New Britain
 as Second Class Mail Matter.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Another good test of blood pres sure is a caller who brings her three small children.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

America nism: Going somewhere just to be with the crowd; feeling resentful because so many others are using the parking space.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

TELEPHONE CALLS
 Business Office ..... 925 Editorial Rooms %. s26
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Wheeler: No, it's just a side line!
 M E. Hanks.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05


 dent or two.
 Alas, When the airplane driver holds out his hand, up and down must be included in your effort to guess what he means.
 It all depends on the point Of view When the society page says everybody has left town, nobody can notice the difference.
 Only the rich can visit resorts, but the poorest can afford few in sect bites and get blistered in the sun.
 Another good test of blood pres sure is a caller who brings her three small children.
 It isn't equality that good Ameri- cans desire, but equality with the. right people.
 Never yet have people scorned the law in a land that treated stock ex- change gamblers as it treated crap shooters.
 A free people is one that elects the law makers it prefers and then obeys the laws it prefers.
 Americanism: Going somewhere just to be with the crowd; feeling rescntful because so many others are using the parking space.
 How strange to resent the enter taining of Congressman De Priests wife in a land where a black race has turned mulatto.
 State troops may postpone the unionizing of textile mills but never yet have bayonets killed an idea.
 That the humble can hope to en- ter society Tn this land of oppor- tunity Is proved by the experience of Tunney, Lindbergh and liver.
 The boy who once got licked for being caught in the jam now uses the same experience as an alibi for being late.
 About all you can say for congest- ed traffic is that a thrifty man can cut the switch and get his motive power from the ear behind.
 "Oil is obtained in a crude state" according to school books. But in one way or another control of it is obtained by states that aren't SC crude.
 Mexico will drill through a cathe- dral floor in quest of oil It seems a shame to waste a perfectly good atrocity like that in time of peace.
 Correct this sentence: My sis ter married rich man." said the poor girl. but she's too tactful to show off her fine clothes when l visit her"
 Copyright 1929. Publishers Syndicate.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

How strange to resent the enter taining of Congressman De Priests Uife in a land where a black race has turned mulatto.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05
AvGation!

Calhoun: 'Is running a stereopti- con your regular buSiness?"
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

A free people is one that elects the law makers it prefers and then obeys the laws it prefers.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Never yet have people scorned the law in a land that treated stock ex- change gamblers as it treated crap shooters.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

It isn't equality that good Ameri- cans desire, but equality with the right people.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

S200 Three Months
 75c. Month
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

State troops may postpone the unionizing of textile mills, but never yet have bayonets killed an idea.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Correct this sentence: "My sis ter married rich man." said the poor girl. but she's too tactful 10 show off her fine clothes when l visit her"
 Copyright 1929. Publishers
 Syndicate.
New Britain herald., 1929-07-05

Mexico will drill through a cathe- dral floor in quest of oil. It seems a shame to waste a perfectly good atrocity like that in time of peace.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-10-27
WANTED-ROOMS.

GENTLEMAN in Government service desires
Furnished room, with or without board, with
Catholic family: give details. Address Box
T3-R, Star office,