Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-06-23

Why do most men dislike Adoiphe MenJou
the sophisticated and the romantic? Simply
because they realize that he has demeanor
and attractivenesS far beyond that achieved by
their idealization of themselves. And for the
same reason the opposite sex entertainS little
affection for Billie Dove But Chester Conklin
and Louise Fazenda are almost universally liked
because they portray parts which do not shatter
any ones Standardization; these We can watch
the movies without being made to feel weak
and full of shortcomings.
We may admire and respect persons with a
bigger income or more responsible position,
but seldom do we genuinely like them. We may
like them in spite of their obviously greater &C
complishments, however, if they retain in UNI
usual amounts the priceless quality of obvious
naturalness if they are cheerful and if they
seem to understand us and sympathize intrinsi-
cally with our viewpoints and problems As
soon as the rich man or the powerful man loses
these traits he ceases to bolster up our own self
feelings and the liking for him disappears. It
is much easier for the ordinary man to be liked.
Like likes like, and we ike people who like
us. That is one Of the virtues of sympathizing
with people and understanding their viewpoints.
The curtain was recently lifted some life
secrets of the late Theodore Roberts, the grand
old man of the stage and movies
In my experience remember neither affec-
ton nor sympathy from any member of my
family until such accomplishment had been
achieved by me that affection became a part
of pride in relationship he wrote During
Tie uS1hcSb llouB Ol lily i116 no SyI1Rdttly Va
offer of help from any member of my family
came TO me, and hungered for it as wand
ererS in the desert thirsts for water" He left
his entire estate to nephew.
We like people who let us talk, even encour-
age us to talk more. BY listening interestedly
they buoy up our self-feelngs. BY not arguing
with L. they enhance our self-regard further
and are better liked BY listening attentively
and not disagreeing they are extending SYM
pathetic understanding in one of its most
subtle forms.
We like people who do not try to reform us.
AS soon as they try to get US to stop smoking.
or to wear different clothes or to come to their
church, they begin to undermine our seif-ideal
and our liking for them is shattered with 1t.
The militant anarchist and the crusadng re-
former are liked only by anarchists and re-
formers. Those who can understand the weak
tlesses and failings Of humankind without try
ing to improve the race are liked; reforming Is
its own reward.
THE endorsements which may 60 with
even casual attempts ut reform are shown
by the experience of . now-famous American
authoresR Some years ago, when she was just
beginning to arrive, she was invited to many
fashionable AFFAIRS in New York City One
sympathetic society naatron took the young
writer under her wing TO guard against too
many blunders One afternoon while they were
ascending the steps Of an old brownstone man
sion to attend Q tea the writer noticed that the
guest just above them on the stairs had hook
1oosened in her shirt waist-it was that long
ago. To her matronly mentor she said:
she viii be embarrassed If some one does
not tell her about the hook being unfastened.
will tell her"
mo, mol" said the matron. when you tell
people something unpleasant they take dis
like to you.
Anyway" the matron added, cher heels are
terribly run over"
IT don't care" replied the writer IT am going
to tell her" And, quickening her step, the
writer caught up with the woman and said: 81
beg your pardon, madam, but your heels are
terribly run over!"
Illuminating as this must have been, it Is
psychologically little more than the smallest
attempted personal reform suggested to an in
dividual, which implies, "Your self-ideal Is
pretty wretched." It is talking to ones back
when he Is listening.
Mingled with the self-ideal of every one Is
an impression of personal importance. We like
people who help us feel important We like
the movie theater with ushers and doormen
trained to make the paying guest feel important.
We like stores that require their clerks to adj
dress customers as 'sir" or madam" We like
the person who refers to us in public as MIR.
Blank rather than by personal nickname.
An abortive kind Of liking for some people is
based upon this impression of personal impor-
lance Usually we do not like successful people
since their success debates our own ego, but
we do like to be seen with them occasionally or
to say: Successful Mr.. So-and-So told me such
and SUCH" This is not encouraging mental
sAy1, since ones personal Importance should be
based upon what he accomplishes himself
rather than upon any reflected glory. It is a
sham importance.
The most liked dining-car conductor on an
Eastern railroad has retentive memory Once
passenger has eaten in his car and this con-
ductor has ferreted out the passengers name,
it is not forgotten. After an interval of year