New Britain herald., 1929-04-06
ANDY TAKES IN
 VAUDEVILLE ACT
Performance by Contordonist
 AmusS Him MuCl
Dear Mary Ann:

Dear Mary Ann:
 The other night intended 10 call on you but changed my mind in- stead when met my old pal Noah Count who had a lone dollar bill which he claimed was burning hole in his pants pocket and rather than call out the fire laddies he sllc- geSted We take in show. ] told him about having date with you but he says to save it for rainy day as the new weather man will probably predict many for this month, providing his time ain't all taken up with women. I'll tell you about the program I enjoyed. even though you wasn't with me.
 We arrives in time to see the last act, which was a contortionist. one of these guys with more move ments than an alarm clock equipped with nervous springs or collegiate roadster in the hands of a whcopee driver. He was tali guy built like he'd never caught up with his meals in time to do him any good. being SO slim that a healthy tooth. pick alongside would seem uphol- stored. If weight was noise this lad wouldn' even be a whisper, un- less you count what's above the ears, causing Noah to remark that if he fell outa a second story win. dow onto a ciothesline tho houses wife would mistake it for some- thing that blown from tho neigh- bor's wash after having been left too long in soak.
 This bmbo could tic himself into more comical knots than weakened macaroni stick, being able 10 do everything except turn inside out or make a one-man traffic jam. His bones musta been we'll lubri- cated with banana oil or some- thing as he bent them around cor- ners and the joints acted like they were on ball bearing hinges. He'd bend backwards until his noble bean touched the floor and while in that position would gaze at his in- steps to sec if he had fallen arches and flow far was they gone.
 ''iIl' bo" II Ht u "duble dtIU6S tHS stage, setting the customers into laughing mysteries. on account of not knowing whether he Was coming or going. One trip he stayed sioWn so long some thought h. ior;;oi tI1c combination on how to unfoid 'i," self. but he did this sos " 'u see how our ancestors spcIt iu z time when not cha't"r,uS :,a.'v !, they hopped from limb to l,r". Pm spilling no nows ,n .5 Il r. was in such shape that ir',i I.'r /, an athletic pretzel in ifs l. G S turn green with envy, stra.:a'-n ' and amount to something bl..4,: ! mouthful.
 Then again he'd let his l. an f.. back slightly, at the s;thI" time bringing up hind hoof 'ut.I 1t rested upon a shoulder If he had baseball cleats on his hoof he could | easily have combed his hair in tn. middle. not to mention curling a few strands. When he first ;i- tempted this stunt ! thought he was trying 10 step into his hip pocket. or at least pull flask from it. Luckily he never pulled any | flask or us fellas in the front row woulda got fiattened in the rush.
 ''It's gift" says, as the guy continues bending himself all outa shape like the last two letters in the alphabet. "Either than" grins :! Noah. "or a novel way of getting outa working for living" He l lip like that" Yeah. I interrupts, up like that" "Yeah,I interrupts, sarcastic. with cramps from eat ing too many green apples" This holds him for . minute and then he remarks. T once knew | guy who could also tie comical knots" Was he a contortionist?" bites. No. he grins. "A preacher" We'll. Mary. the bimbo doing the entertaining finally untangled himself long enough to call it a day 50 we beats it.
 Andy Dale.