New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1929-02-23
ANDY DEFINES.
some AUTO Terms
Also Gives Mary Ann I Few
Driving Instructions
(COntributcd)

Received your note saying you've
bought a second hand buggy and
asking me to hand you some advice
on how to get by on the road with
out leaving your bus SO flattened
that people upon seeing the mess
would remark that you must OF
used a steamroller or something Do
a paperweight to hold 1t down. Also
to give you some auto definitions as
all you know about a gas wagon IL
that the headlight is placed in front
and the tail-light In back SOS you
can tell whether its coming or 60
ing, and that the world never seems
so dark as when your best tires
gone flat. no spare. and not a patch
in a tool kit.
On account Of there being more
power under the hood than there Is
under a drivers derby 1t is always
best to figure that he is liable to be
just as dumb as you are. If possible.
and then act accordingly. I'm not
saying you're dumb, Mary. but l
still remember the time you sent to
mail order house for bird cage
and when it arrived you got peeved
because there wasn't any canary In
it. When ! kidded you about 1t you
said the illustration showed Q cana
r:es and they could at least send
one.) Never drive as though you had
a cyclone on the rear seat and was
taking 1t outa town before 1t did
any damage or people will think
that the stuff in your noble bean is
the same kind Of material Il, 4
bowling pins are made of.
Never hesitate to prove you're a
thoughtful driver by slowing down
to IS miles per hour. especially near
intersecting highways and school,
houses. Now for the definitions
which may or may not help you.
Self-starter. Something which starts
a racket but seldom finishes 1t.
Rear-seat driver. One who knows
practically nothing about driving
and tells it all from the rear seat.
Parking space. Something you've
never lost but keep looking for.
Wear and tear. An expression used
in telling how your buggy got that
way. Rules of-the-road. What you
are positive the other fella knows
nothing about. Road-hog. The dizzy
article who gets your goat strayins
from the picket on account of talk
ing up so much room you can't pass
him even with the throttle wide
open.
Right-of-way. What you thought
was yours until the other guy took
1t away from you. Bumper. An at
tachment that lessons the shocks to
your bus. also saves wear and tear
on PEDESTRIANS clothes and gives
him $3.50 chance of escaping
with life and limb. Jay-walker
What most drivers would be If they
were afoot or on roller skates
Emergency brake. A hand lever
used to stop the buggy in an emer.
gency but more often used in keep
ing it from moving after It has al.
ready stopped. Speed-cop. One who
seldom shows up except when prov.
ing to your sweetie that the ole
relic can still do 65.
Four-wheel brakes. What yor
wish you had when another drivel
| who manipulates his chariot like
you do gets In your way. Brake
lining. What some drives head!
seem to be lined with. 9peedometer
A solemn faced clock checking tn
cars movements, but unfortunatel!
keeps no tabs on the drivers. Fliv
yer. A species of motor ,ehicl,
which the state pays complimen
when taxing them as automobiles
Chevie. Same as a flivver. only spell
ed different.
! ANDY DALE.