Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-08-13
The Once Over
THE Z AUTO
BY Il. I. PHILLIPS

THE AUTO
A mail order automobile Is to be put on the mar
ket. 1t viii cost only $500. +. o. b. your local post
office. 1t will have no springs. no axles or chassis,
thus eliminating 5.7S3 squeaks at the outset and saw
ing great wear and tear on postal employees nerves
But the millennium will not arrive until an owner can
get gas from penny-in-the-slct machines
The car, the smallest on the market. has been pro-
duced and found successful You will soon find 1t In
the catalogue Of a big mail order house between the
Complete Fishing Kit No. 367S9)" and the Mans
Cardigan Jacket No. 45,692)." You order it by num-
Der and await results. When you hear the door bell
ring you know you have become a car owner.
The inventor feels that he has brought the motor
car within the reach Of all persons with ~postoffice
addresses.
This is the era Of the demi-tasse automobile. Ev-
erywhere you look you see the roads all cluttered up
with diversified motor cans engaged in the exasperating
pastime Of getting in one another's way. When the
road is clogged with elephants, a mouse has all the
best of traffic.
The mail order boiler will weigh SO little that when
a man tires of it he can throw it over the fence into
his neighbours ash can. This saves him the trouble
Of driving 40 miles and leaving his old car on the
lawn Of some perfect stranger.
1t is SO small it will practically eliminate the park
ing problem. The owner driving to town for a shave
can pick his limousine up. carry 1t into the barber
shop and put 1t in the rack with the shaving mugs.
IL Will De mailed IN q DOX, Whcn can DC USED rs u
garage. This gives the buyer practically everything
but running water, IS feet OF hose, a sponge and the
usual dirty rags.
It will be a cash proposition. although a big fight
for a time payment plan is expected from the goober
who would like to pay 25 cents down and Is cents a
week.
The big argument is expected when the time comes
for a trade-in. After a man has fooled a 5000 bus
through modern traffic two or three years its second
hand value &c ooiro IN he a u1affar for dehafa
What will you allow me on the old model?" the
owner will ask.
What year is it?"
Year before last, and in as poor shape as the day
I bought It."
Il think we can safely allow you s139 if you order
a new car"
what? sl3o? Don't be silly. can take it down
to the Ford agency and get $40 for It right now"
Why don't you?"
Because all four tires are practically new and I
figure they make the car worth five cents more Of
anybodys money"
..Are the tires all in good shape?"
Look at emf
well, then. III stretch a point and allow you 81 AZ
If you act at once"
Make it a dollar fOrty-three cents. and the deal
is closed"
Nope. but I'll tell you what III do. seeing it's YOU.
Ill give you SLAP and a cigarette that's been smoked
only half way down"
Fair enough
Yep CROSSING COMFORT
One Of the charms of a Yep crossing must be that
there is no time for a ships concert.
Soon you will be hearing from the tourist who
loudly boasts that he has made &c Yep crossings.
sss
The Standard Oil company IS to sell hot dogs at
its filling stations. This will probably mean that the
frankfurter and roll will be subject to daily price
fluctuations.
FILLING STATION DIALOGUE
Motorist Whose two children want hot dogs): All
ho:s. please.
Attendant: How many?
Motorist: Fill EN- up.