Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-08-11
SUGGESTIONS GIVEN
WHEN CAUGHT SPEEDING
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of procedure. Should there be any
other passengers in your car, turn to
them and in a very meaning tone of
voice suggest that II there are any
| among them whom the sight of blood
affects maybe it would be better II they
were TO walk a short distance away and
turn their backs, or perhaps better yet
were they to walk to point where
they could not hear any screams, should
there be any.
Policemen Usually TImid.
This is usually very successful sys-
tenn, as practically all policemen are OF
very timid nature, whom any sort OF
physical violence has a tendency to
horrify. Especially is this true of all
the ones Of Irish extraction. II an Off
Ger should stop you who looks or talks
like an Irishman, why. never hesitate in
the least. but promise him punch in
the "snoot" forthwith II he does not
take himself away Immediately. II he
| hesitates, perhaps thinking YOU are
/ olufiing, just alight and wallop him right
on the nose, and I think can promise
| you that no one else will attempt to
| arrest you for a long time.
Second: There Is yet another way
Of avoiding any unpleasant conse-
quences should you find yourself halted
by some minion of the law, and It is
a way that is considered as perhaps the
best Of all by q great many motorists
1t is q system that depends upon none
/ Of the aforementioned methods for its
efficacy. It depends solely on the act
ing ability OF the motorist, If he has
any land who among us Is there who
hasn't acting ability?) for its success.
Briefly, 1t is this: You must imper-
senate some one, preferably some one
| who has authority over policemen.
police, Henry G. Pratt, is probably the
easiest one Of all to impersonate be-
cause he has been on the police force
a very short while, and very few police
men would recognize him in person.
Must Compliment the Officer.
A great deal of the success of this
system depends on the manner in
which you open the conversation. For
instance, you must never let the police
man start the talking. As he APP
proaches, you want to say, hastily,
well Well. officer (all policemen
like to be called oficer). 1t certainly is
| fine to see you so alertly on the job"
Now II he seems to respond properly TO
this statement, you can continue in a
very affable manner to explain to him
that you are whoever you claim to be.
But II he acts somewhat doubtful, then
is when you want TO climb him good
and proper.
There is an old saying among boxers
to the effect that you must never let
an opponent get set" In other words,
you must push him so hard he will have
no opportunity to deliver telling blow.
So before the officer can really get
started, you should inquire of him in
very stern voice, "Officer, how dare you
appear on the streets in this slovenly
condition? What are you doing with
those gravy spots on your blouse? Why
haven't you shined your shoesp" Now
1t may very we'll be that his blouse has
no gravy stains and his shoes spotless,
but II he starts TO protest the injustice
of your criticism, you want to cut him
short with: How dare you argue with
me, officer. If I hear one more word
out Of you, shall deem it my duty to
prefer charges against you" AS all
policemen receive comparatively small
salaries. and need every cent they get,
it is very likely he will be glad enough
to let the matter drop.
Might Resort TO ImpersOnatiOn.
You might, OH the other hand, tell
| him you were Traffic Director William
II. Harland. II you didn't care to i'm
persOnate the Chief Of Police. When
you are stopped the next time by some
! policeman; just. draw yourself up
haughtily and say. We'll, you certainly
have your nerve with you, young man
stopping me. This is the first time 1
have been stopped like this since have
been Traffic Director" II this seems
to go all right with him, why you can
Just exchange a few pleaSantries and
drive of. But II he seems inclined to
be skeptical; assume a ferocious atti-
| tude, say: young man, stand aside!
If you delay me another instant shall
see to it that trafflc lights are placed
In O complete circle around your home
and I will further see to 1t that they
are kept red at all times so as to pre-
vent you from driving either to or
from your home!" The aforegoing
threat should cause the stoutest heart
| to quail, but If 1t doesn't, you still have
| an ace in the hole. You can say: And
what's more, am thinking very serious
" of recommending in the near future
| that policemen be dismounted from
motor cycles and mounted on mules n
| stead" If that don't hold him, you
might as well give up.
Next week, I shall advise women
drivers how to conduct themselves when
halted by officers of the law.
NEW ENGLA AND TO SPEND