Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-08-13
The Once Over
THE AUTO
Nv FL. 4 PHILLIPS

THE AUTO
A mail order automobile Is to be put on the mar
ket. It viii cost only $500. (. o. b. your local post
office. 1t viii have no springs. no axles or chassis,
thus eliminating 5.783 squeaks at the outset and saw
ing great wear and tear on postal employees nerves
But the millennium viii not arrive until an owner can
get gas from penny-in-the-slot machines.
The car, the smallest on the market, has been pro-
duced and found successful. You win soon find It In
the catalogue Of Q big mail order house between the
Complete Fishing Kit No. 367ss)" and the Mans
Cardigan Jacket No. 45y692)." You order 1t by num-
Der and await results. When you hear the door bell
ring you know you have become O car owner.
The inventor feels that he has brought the motor
car within the reach of all persons with postoffice
addresses.
This is the era Of the demi-sasse automobile. Ev-
erywhere you look you see the roads all cluttered up
with diversified motor cans engaged in the exasperating
pastime Of getting in one another's way. When the
road is clogged with elephants, q mouse has all the
best Of traffic.
The mail order boiler viii weigh 50 little that when
a man tires Of it he can throw 1t over the fence into
his neighbours ash can. This saves him the trouble
Of driving 40 miles and leaving his old car on the
lawn of some perfect stranger.
1t is so small 1t viii practically eliminate the park
ing problem. The owner driving to town for ashave
can pick his limousine up, carry 1t into the barber
shop and put it in the rack with the shaving mugs.
1t will be mailed in q box, which can be used as a
garage. This gives the buyer practically everything
but running water. IS feet Of hose, a sponge and the
usual dirty rags.
1t will be a cash proposition. although a big fight
for a time payment plan Is expected from the goober
who would like to pay rs cents down and Is cents a
week.
The big argument is expected when the time comes
for a trade-in. After q man has fooled q $500 bus
through modern traffic two or three years its second
hand value is going to be q matter for warm debate.
what will you allow me on the old model?" the
owner will ask.
What year is it?"
I bcroht it."
Ct think we can safely allow you sl.ss If you order
a new car"
"whatP 1892 Don't be silly. I can take it down
to the Ford agency and get s1.4O for it right now"
Why don't youp"
Because all four tires are practically new and I
figure they make the car worth five cents more Of
anybodys money"
"Are the tires all in good shape?"
well. then. Ill stretch q point and allow you 81. A
If you act at once"
Make it a dollar forty-three cents, and the deal
is closed"
Nope, but I'll tell you what I'll do. seeing It's you.
I'll give you s142 and a cigarette that's been smoked
only half way down"
Fair enough
Yep CROSSING COMFORT
One Of the charms Of a Yep crossing must be that
there is no time for a ships concert.
Soon you will be hearing from the tourist who
loudly boasts that he has made rs Yep crossings.
ssss
The Standard OF company Is to sell hot DOES at
its filling stations. This will probably mean that the
frankfurter and roll will be subject to daily price
fluctuations.
FILLING STATION DIALOGUE
Motorist Cwhose two children want hot dogs): All
hcts. please.
Attendant: How many?
Motorist: Fill EN- up.
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