Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-11-29
The Once Over


PRESIDENT HOOVER M TIE BUSINESS
g. coNFERENCE
copyright, 1929 by The Associated NewspaperO
First Industrial Leader: Good morning, Mister
President.
President Good morning. gentlemen
First Industrial Leader: You're looking very wen.
President: Yes; I had nothing but high grade
bonds.
Second Industrial Leader: Wen, IT'S been quite an
er, er an eventful month. hasn't it?
President: Yes. We've been throuEh-what was \
Mr.. Lamont or somebody called 10?
Third I. L.: A little d~isorderly selling.
President That's 1t. Well, I suppose you gentle
men all know the purpose OF this huddle-beg pardon
conference.
First !. L.: To quote the papers, we are here To
organize business and government agencies in a con-
certed action for ~dispelling pessimism. for continuing
business progress and for insuring the orderly march
OF American industry.
President: That's about It. Now Just how are you
as p~essimisn d~ispellers2 A little rusty, I suppose2
Fourth I. L.: Well, it's been 50 long since we had
any pessimism in this country that we're out Of prac-
tice ~dispeIling It. but we can get the hang Of It with
a little practice.
President We've got to get together IN q con-
certed pessimism -dispelling drive. Now, Of course. to
do that we must all be optimists. 1t won't do to have
any pessimists out trying to put over optimism. Is
there any pessimist In this conference?
Chorus: mol
President observing that two gentlemen didn't an
swer): How about you over there IN the corner?
You didn't answer.
Fifth ]. T.: We'll. you see I bought Steel at $50.
President tpolnting to another sentleman): You
didn't answer either. Are you ~pessimistic? You look
depressed.
sixth I: L.: I got that way holding the motors FOR
a rally.
President: wei. it won't do. 7 can't have any Of
you gentlemen participating In these conferences with
long faces.
sixth I. L.: Is my face too long for the purposes
in mind7
President: Much too long. I should say you would
have to shorten It by at least six inches
Sixth !. L.: I could never shorten 1t six inches
with prices where they are Just now.
President: Well, you'll have to shorten 1t con-
siderably. How about five inches?
Sixth ]. L.: Four inches Is the best I can do nov.
President: You and that other gentleman with the
long face viii have to shorten them five inches be-
tween now and the time the official photographs
are taken. 1t would ruin everything II you get on
the front page OF the newspapers looking Ike you
do nov.
Sixth I. L.: Really, Mister President. you ought
not to set yourself up as a critic Of long faces. Yours
Is not any too cheering, you know.
Second I. L. Sharply: No harsh words about Mr..
Hooyer's presidential countenance. Think what we'd
be I'D against II we had TO restore confidence With
Mr.. CoolidgesI
President: I'm going to do the best I can with
my face and I want all you boys to do the best you
can with yours. We must look cheerful. We must
look happy and confident. NOW then. all together,
q nice long smilel
Crhe business men try to smle)
President dissatisfied: That won't do, boys. I
want q real honest to goodness smile. Put some feel
ing into It. Once more now.
(They do q little better)
President: That's better. Now thatn be enough
for today. I want you to practice smiling overnight
and we'll all get together again tomorrow morning
for another try. And remember I want your BEST
smile! And no sickly grins, understand?
(Curtain)