Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-06-16
The Once Over
OUR OWN HONORARY DEGREES
BY II. Z. PHILLIPS

LUTHER q. RADIsH-After dinner speaker. ra-
do fanatic and hockey fan; lifelong worker for the
abolition of boiled caulifIower, detours, starched shirts,
ferryboat violinists and the 2O-cent cup Of coffee;
pioneer. in the great movement to sneak a little
minced meat into vegetable dinners; founder Of the
Luther B. Radish League for the Standardization Of
Hotel Documents Uniforms; inventor Of the magnetic
device for retrieving wooden tees, and the only man
in the world to read the full text Of the Preparations
Agreement, I gladly admit you to the degree Of Doc
tor of Law. Bachelor Of Appeals and Knight Of Ha-
beaS Corpus.
WILTON r. Observation-Disclosures book-re-
viewer and old-time substitute third baseman with
the Brooklyn baseball club; conspicuous champion
Of fresher lettuce in restaurant salads; unrelenting
worker in the cause Of fewer shapes in mems straw
hats: valiant leader in the fight to curb theme songs
in talking pictures, and the only drugstore owner In
America to refuse to convert so per cent Of the
premises into a chowder, soup. sandwich and pie
counter, / take pleasure in browning you Bachelor OF
Obstinacy, Leader Of Lost Causes and Queen Of the
May.
CASSIUS m. Observation-Disclosures decora-
tor, designer of gasoline stations and raiser Of aire-
dales: a steadfast crusader for more pineapple In
pineapple drinks. government supervision Of straw
berry shortcake and state control of musical auto
AgAAA4 WAANAg 1AA9A &A E1AA N1NN~R1
sliced cucumbers; fearless advocate of less greasing Of
the upholstery in automobile service stations. and
one Of the three men in the United States OF America
to refuse TO indorse a cigarette, I am delighted to adj
NIT you to the degree of Doctor of Integrity and Mas
ter, of Boy Scouts.
CALEB K. M. PHOOCH-Artist. snare-drummer
and merchant chief; long known for your oppoSi-
ton to flagpole-sitting as a profession and your cru
sades to submit all cross-country hikes and dance
r.o~afbOpr To a r,,b1fc rofa. chic rroDa0apdieF in the
cause Of honest labels: inventor Of the self-watering
radio battery: stout defender Of mans right to refuse
to participate in Apple Week. and competent broad
caster Of the notion that the key to the traffic prob
lem is fewer big city signal-light systems in one-horse
towns, ! am happy TO christen you Master Of Artless-
ness and Doctor OF Muscular rheumatism.
FLOYD B. FULLERBUNK-Home gardener. wag-
on-wheel striper and patron Of burlesque shows: I'M
swerving foe Of all golf course water holes: out
spoken critic CT unnecessary switching and jolting
OF sleepin gears BY playful railroad crews; inventor
OF a device for removing bones from shad by violet
ray; leader in the movement TO disinfect taxicabs at
least once a month. and the only man east Of the
Mississippi to be offered a low number on his auto
mobile tag and refuse II. / am more than pleased to
admit YOU to whatever degrees you like. with or with
out mayonnaise dressing.
Hss
This Is the time Of year when many a senior must
wonder whether he is being graduated. pardoned or
Just thrown out as quietly as possible.
% POP
Fathers Day has been set for June Is Never
mind the necktie. The following are the more suit
able gifts for the old man:
Lawn mower.
Pair Of oars.
Tire Jack and tools.
House painters overalls.
Garden hose.
Spade, rake and hoe.