davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

'This Is on me" so many times while
paying the check that he wants it to
be his last word. When he dies, he
says, he wants no mourning among
his friends, and he believes that the
familiar words on his tombstone will
bring smiles to them instead of sor-
row.
The Rhode Island doctor is not the
first to write his own epitaph and to
do it in a half-jesting mood. Per
haps the most famous of all American
epitaphs was written by that first
great American, Benjamin Franklin,
at the age of twenty-three. 1t was:
The Body
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
printer
Qike the cover of an old book.
And Stripe" of it's lettering and gild-
ing)
Lies here food for worms;
Yet the work itself shall not be lost,
For 1t WILL as he believed, appear once
more
In new
And more beautiful edition
Corrected and amended
by
the Author.
His wishes were not respected by
his family who thought that some 9TH
er epitaph than this, which reflected
his career as printer, would be more
appropriate. In the case of Robert
Louis Stevenson, however, it was diff
ferent, and upon Stevenson's monu-
ment in Samoa appear these beauti-
full lines which he wrote:
Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave and let me lie,
Glad did live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for rle;
Here he lies where he longed to be,
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill"
The self-chosen epitaphs of two 9TH
er famous men are nearly as well
known. Hilaire Belloc, the historian,
chose for his:
When I am gone, may only this be
said
His sins were scarlet, but his books
were read.
On the tomb of the poet Gay in
Westminster abbey appears this cou-
plet which he wrote:
Life is jest and all things show it.
I thought so once and now I know it.
A walk through an old cemetery will
reveal some interesting facts about the
things which people wish to have
known about them after, they are
gone. Especially is this true of the
epitaphs written during the Colonial
days in America and the early days
Of the republic Many of them warn
the friend" who is passing of the
certainty of death and judgment. In
some cases the passer-by is hailed as
passenger" instead of friend, as wit
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
MhakesLJs e !
Su1eeteyr

Children's stomachs sour, and need
an anti-acid. Keep their systems
sweet with Phillips Milk of Magnesia!
When tongue or breath tells Of acid
condition-correct it with a spoonful
Of Phillips. Most men and women have
been comforted by this universal
sweetener-more mothers should in
woke its aid for their children. 1t is
pleasant thing to take, yet neutralizes
more acid than the harsher things too.
often employed for the purpose. No
household should be without it.
Phillips Is the genuine, prescrip-
tional product physicians endorse for
general use; the name is important.
milk of Magnesia" has been the q. s.
registered trade mark Of the Charles
81. Phillips Chemical Co. and it's pre-
decessor Charles II. Phillips since 1873.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

Tho not unregistered on this tablet
are forever engraven
On the loving memory of his surviving
friends.
He died Jan'y 9Th, 117S, aged 63 years.
If the epitaph chosen by the Rhode
Island doctor seems a bit fiippant, he
has plenty of precedent for this kind
Of jesting. John r. Kippax, Chicago
man, has made a collection of unusual
epitaphs, some of which would seem
to be more appropriate for a joke
book than a graveyard. There is the
epitaph of eleven-year-old Mary Jane
in a cemetery in Cape May, N. j.,
which reads:
She was not smart, she was not fair,
But hearts with grief for her are
swellin'
And empty stands her little chair
She died of eatin' watermelin.
In the town of Burlington in the
same state appears this one:
Here lies the body of Mary Ann Low
der,
She burst while drinking a seidlitz
Called from this world to her heavenly
rest,
She should have waited till it effer-
vesced.
Mr.. Kippax is the authority for this
one, although he does not say where
it may be found:
Here lies the body Of Deacon Speer,
Whose mouth did reach from ear to ear.
Stranger, tread lightly DER the sod
For if he yapes, you're gone,-by cod.
This one comes from Connecticut:
Here lies cut down like unripe fruit
The wife of Deacon Amos Shute;
She died of drinking too much coffee
Amy Dominy eighteen forty.
A similar one, over the grave Of
former slave who lived in Savannah,
Ga, tells the passer-by that:
Here lies old Rastus Somminy
Died a-eating hominy
In '59, ammo domini.
In an Indiana graveyard there is
this brief record of q tragedy: ...
Here lies
Killed by a sky
Rocket in my eye.
In an Ohio cemetery is an inscrip-
tion, often quoted, which reads:
Under this sod
And under these trees .t
Lieth the bod
of Solomon Pease.
He's not in this hole
But only his pod;
He shelled out his soul
And went up to his God.
What could be more appropriate
than this one, written for q Long
Island IN. ~ carpenter:
No wonder he sawed short life's span
For long he was a (n)ailing man.
Brief and to the point is this from
Schenectady, N. Y:
He got a fish-bone in his throat
And then he sang an angel note.
And here is an old epitaph, date un-
known, which in these modern DAYS of
motor cars and reckless drivers should
be warning to all of us. Especiall:'
is it recommended that Pedestrians.
paste this in your hat ~:
Here lies the body of William Gray.
Who died maintaining his right of way.
He was right, dead right,
AS he sauntered along,
But he's just as dead,
AS If he'd been wrong.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

sey, reported strange disease which
had broken out among their chickens.
Prompt investigation of the first re-
ports which were received in June,
disclosed that the dreaded pest had
reached this country. Within two
weeks all infested fowls and numbers
Of others which had been exposed
were destroyed, and after a month
without further reports of the dis
ease, the federal officials were con-
vinced that the outbreak had been
suppressed while in the stage Of
outbreaking.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
WHY HE FAILED

A young man undergoing an exam
'ination was asked to describe different
electric batteries, among them one
named the Daniel cell.
His reply was: "About Daniel's cell
very little Is known, but it Is gener-
ally supposed to have been bear den
furnished with lions AS Daniel is
dead and the lions are dead, what on
earth is the good of raking up an old
story?"
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Wipe Out Fowl Pest

The heavy hand of the government
fell so emphatically upon the inva-
sion of the United States by an alien
foe that within two months of the In
vasion the foe was exterminated.
The foe in question was one of the
most dreaded of foreign diseases from
the farmers point of view-the Euro
pean fowl pest.
1t was discovered when several
farmers in Morris county. New Jer-
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
"Holy Night, Silen, Night"

The song entitled Holy Night, 81
lent Night" was written by German
composer named Father Joseph Mohr.
This pretty little carol was written for
Christmas in 1878. while Mohr was m
assistant clergyman at Lauren. on the
Salza, near Salzburg, and was set to
music by Franz Gruber. schoolmaster
at the neighboring village of Arnsdorf
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

was discouraged between blondes or
between dark persons. Marriage was
forbidden into an epileptic family.
Marriage for persons of families man.
ifesting continuous antagonism to
each other was advised against.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Help!

There should be law against girls
flirting With married men. And girls
do ii every time they appear bare
legged in public There never
was married man so noble he could
resist flirting. That is his main weak
ness. and the law should protect him
-Uowes Monthly
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
While 1t Lasted

Mrs. Howard-When my daughter
first married she lived at the rate of
$4,000 year.
Mrs. Jay-How long did they keep
1t up?
Mrs. Howard-For their seven-day
wedding trip.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Eugenics in TaImud

Some commandments of the ancient
Jewish Talmud in line with modern
eugenic principles are reported by
William Grossman, Hebraic scholar of
Passaic, N. J.. to the American Eu
genics society, according to an Asso-
ciated Press dispatch.
One says that two very tall or very
short persons should not marry, lest
their children be abnormally tall or
short. For similar reason marriage
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

Perhaps the strangest tombstone In
the world, shown in the photograph
above, stands in Highgate cemetery in
London, England. 1t is marble pi-
ano erected "To the memory of My
Beloved Husband, Harry Thornton,
Age 35, A Genius Who Died Oct. 10th,
1918" His epitaph also includes this
stanza from a poem by the composer.
Puccini:
Sweet thou art sleeping
Graded on my heart,
Safe In Gods keeping,
While ! must weep apart.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Mans VANITY

There are two occasions when we
men think we look splendid-when we
rig up in evening clothes and when we
have on the regalia of the Grand In
side DOorslammer.-St. Louis Globe
Democrat.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

To the Memory
of
George Forbes, M. D.
Whom living
A singular complacency of manners
Joined with many useful talents
and eminent virtues.
Render'd highly estimable
Blessed with a convivial disposition
In the cheerful hour of social festivity
He shone irreprehensible
And an agreeable companion
Ever assiduous in furthering good
humor and the enjoyments of
sociality friendly to mankind
His endeavors to mitigate the evils OF
life which he bore himself with temper
and philosophy were not alone
confined to the healing art.
Long exercised by him with much
reputation
But were likewise exerted
In composing differences
Restoring friendships
interrupted
And promoting
Peace, harmony and mutual good
understanding
Among his fellow men
Having acquitted himself with
appreciation
in the several relations of life
AS he had lived, respected and beloved,
So he died.
Lamented and regretted for those
virtues
And many others
which
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Her Day OFF

Mr.. Dadmore-Mother won't be
home to dinner this evening, honey;
so you will have 10 take her place.
Little EtheI-Do you mean ! won't
have to be polite and respectful to
YOU?
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
A Timid Brother

Blinks-So you have no desire to
go up in an airplane. eh?
Jinks-No. A good many years ago
| fell off horse end discovered even
from that distance ihe ground was
anything but soft place to hit.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
No Favoritism

Husband-All you think of is clothes.
Haven't you any other thought than
dresses, dresses, dresses?
Wife-Yes, let me finish. | need
two hats. coat and some shoes
Lustige Kiste.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
He's Had Enough

"Ain't you going to get up Rnd
fight? told you you've got hlm go
Ing"
THAT'S all right. you tell me when
he's gone"-PassiDg Show.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Dieting

He told the cook tc dish up a lot
of unappetizing messes.
When asked why, he explained:
ITO make it easier for my wife. She
has to refuse everything"
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
A Word to the Wise

Knicker-That florist surely keeps
In touch with the slogan, "Say 1t With
Flowers"
Knocker-What's his method?
Knicker-Sends bunch of forget
me-nots with each bill.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Life Is So Complicated! /!

Every time we get thoroughly sold
on the Importance of staying on the
Job, somebody comes around and tells
us we onghf 70 .play more FIT
Wayne News-Sentinel.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Huh (!

Huh!
81 can't sleep at night" began the
man with long tale Of woe.
"Well, that saves you from having
bad Dreams" snapped his intended
victim, as he hurried on.-Cincinnati
ENQUIRER.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Wisdom

Who is wise? He that learns from
every one. Who is powerful? He that
governs his passions. Who is rich? He
that is content. Who is that? Nobody.
Franklin.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Fixing His Class

'How is that cOmedian?"
"a woman in the audience dislo.
Gated her Jaw"
'LaughingT"
"Yawning"
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
See the Point?

A porcupine lay sleeping
Bob stopped to pluck quill;
He got what he was after
In fact, he got his fill.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Model A Owner. Note

He passed the cop sans any fuss,
He passed a load of hay,
He tried to pass a swerving bus,
And then he passed away.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
JUST TO GET THERE

"What do you walk so much for,
Jim?"
ITO get to the places want to go
to, Bob"
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
One Point of View

For happiness. after ALL isn't mat
ter of geography or career. You build
il in your heart
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
Summer Reading

"Did you do much reading while
you were on your vacation?"
"Yes, a whole lot"
"What did you read"
MOSTLY signposts and route num-
bers."-Pathfinder
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
To Cool q Burn
Use HANFORD'S
Balsan1 of Myrrh
OBLIGATIONS
All dealers are authorized to refund your money or the
first bottle II not suited.

To God we owe fear and love; to
our neighbors justice and character:
to ourselves prudence and sobriety.-
Franklin.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
BY ELMO SCOTT WATSON

ECENT press dispatches
carried the news that DR..
William p. Rothwell of
Pawtucket, R. l., has
caused to be cut on a
huge boulder in Oak
Grove cemetery in that,
city, where he will be
buried, this inscription,
"This is on me-" Known
as an ever-generous host,
Doctor ROthWell has said
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
This Mother
Had Problem.

AS a rule, milk IS
about the best food
for children, bu It
there are times when
they are much better
off without it. It
should always be left
off when children
show . by feverish.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

Why Suffer Pain
from a cut or burn? Coles Carbolisalver
stops pain instantly and heals quickly
without q scar. Keep it handy. All drug
gists, 30c and 60c, or ]. w. Cole Co., Rock
ford, m.-Advertisement.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

"She says she has a dress for every
day in the week."
"Yes. Pvr seen 1t, dear"
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

Quite a good deal that we call her
edity is just what we inherit" from
the whole human race.
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29
ness the following from cemetery in
Elizabeth, N. j., dated 1881:

EllZdUSIu, IN. JsS udICu 1iO1s
Stop. Passenger here lie the remains
of a woman who exhibited TO the world
a bright constellation of the female
virtues. On that memorable day, new
er to be forgotten, when British foe
invaded this fair village and fired even
the temple of the Deity, this peaceful
daughter of Heaven retired to her hal
lowed apartment imploring Heaven
for the pardon of her enemies. In that
sacred moment she was by the bloody
hand of a British ruffian dispatched
like her divine redeemer through
path of blood to her long wished-for
native skies.
A good example of the combined
Historical" and "admonitory'' epitaph
is found on the monument Of Elihu
Yale, founder Of Yale college, which
reads:
Under this tomb lyes interr'd Elihu
Yale of Place Gronow, Esq, born 5th
April, 164S, and dyed the Sth Of July,
1921, aged 73 years.
Born in America, in Europe bred,
In Africa travelled, and in Asia wed,
Where long he lived and thrived, in
London died,
Much good, some i'll. he did; so hope
alls even,
And that his soul thro' mercy's gone to
heaven.
You that survive and read, take care
For this most certain exit, to pre-
pare,
Where, blest in peace. the actions of
the just
Smell sweet and blossom in the silent
dust. ..
Many of the Colonial epitaphs were
long-winded affairs, but the prize goes
to the brass tablet, dated 177S, which
appears on the walls Of st. Peters,
the oldest church in Bermuda. It
reads:
The Ely miner., 1929-11-29

- Il WAS cold. About six inches
of snow had fallen within
the last few days. The stores
W ne were gay with their glisten-
Sc ing decorations and pretty
holiday gifts. The pine and
spruce trees on the lawns
were shining with many
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1929-12-30
EPISCOPAL RECTOR
SPEAKER TO LIONS,
MAGIC At LUNCHEON
s. P. Bowman Puts OF Little
Mystification; Mrs. Frank
Barnes Sings

Rev. Bennett Haincs. the new Epis-
copal rector, was q guest and speaker
at the Lions club luncheon at noon,
today. sharing honors Of entertaining
with 8. p. Bowman-thc Chicago
magician who gave q free show at the
Lions children's dinner. Christmas
and with Mrs. Frank Barnes. who
sang several solos. accompanied by
Mrs. r. E. Morris.
Mr.. Bennett. Eaines announced that
after the services 1t st. Georges get
uninterruptedly under way. there will
Be community singing at the rcctory
after Sunday evening services. He
could see. he said. BY the singing at
the service club luncheons that Bis
marck had = liking for this sort Of
music.
He also pledged the Lions his CO.
operation In any such activities as
their Christians dinner to the children
What he wanted to do here. he said.
was to preach religion In his church.
but to do a mans part III the COM
munity. He illustrated this by a story
Of one OF his London acolytcs. whom
he discovered kneeling on a pick
pocket he had knocked out. TIN
just showing i'm. father" the
acolytc said. that We may be rcligi-
Gus but We haint soft"
Magician Bowman showed the
Lions 4 lot OF puzzling card. egg and
coin tricks, assisted by William Doty.
A rising vote Of thanks wa tender
cd Miss Mary Cashel for her part III
selecting the boys to whom the Lions
rendered the Christmas afternoon
dinner.
Mrs. Barnes sang '"rhc Garden of
Happiness" and The Old Lady"
8. K. Clark. OF Waubay, s. D.. who
IS one OF the charter members Of a
new club to be instituted next Mon
day night. and G. s. Fossum. Bis
marck. were introduced as guests.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1929-12-30
SH|PLEY
Meeting SPEAKERS
Bismarck Men to Appear Before
Hotel and Restaurant OPP
orators at Minot

Fred Peterson and D. E. Shiplcy
both Of Bismarck. will be two Of tho
principal speakers at the twenty
third annual convention Of the North
Dakota Hotel and Restaurant Mems
association ut the Wavcrly Hotel
Minot, Jan. Is and Is.
The complete program was an
nounced today by r. E. Mackenzie,
jamestown. president.
As chairman Of tho legislative COM
mittee. Mr.. Peterson, OF the Grand
Pacific and Bismarck hotels, will give
q report on the work Of his Committee
while MI. Shipley. Of the state hotel
inspection department, will give a re-
port on the activities OF his depart.
ment.
6. E. Daniclson. president Of tho
Greater North Dakota association and
who Q will become operator OF the
Patterson hotel. Bismarck, also Is or
the program.
Other speakers are A. j. H. Brats.
berg. Minot mayor: Halvor Halyorson,
Minot attorney: a representative Of
the Midwest Hotel Reporter, Omaha
Neb.; A. H. Leimbachcr, Gardner
hotel. Fargo: G. T. Nielsen. Joestine
and Schilling company. st. Paul. and
William Ehr. association solicitor.
The association has 200 members.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1929-12-30
Youth IS ARRESTED
IN MANDAN ROBBERY
Willie Wohkittel, IS, Caught
Taking Money From Office
Of Purity Dairy

No longer will Willie wohkittel, IS
year-old Mandan youth. get his
spending money through nocturnal
visits to the Purity Dairy company,
Mandan.
For several weeks Willie made oc-
casional visits to the Mandan ON
pany'S office and helped himself to
pin money from the cash box. He ad-
initted this to Henry r. Handtmann,
Morton county sheriff.
He had the city and county author
tiles "stumped." and they laid q trap
for him. For several nights Joe Frank,
special deputy sheriff. remained In
the dairy company's office waiting for
the intruder.
The trap did not spring until 1855
a. m. Sunday. Willie broke out q small
pane Of glass In the back door, put his
arm through the door to life the latch
on the inside, and stealthily walked In
and went directly to the cash box. As
he was taking ON money from the
box Mr.. Frank accosted him and put
him under arrest.
Today he was in the Morton county
.jail awaiting action by the authorities.
Louis H. Connolly. Morton county
tsate's attorney. said that he probably
will prefer charges Of either grand
larceny or burglary against the boy.
Willie admitted that he had taken
about $50 from the box during hts fire.
oucnt visits. Sheriff Handtmann says.
HIS father has announced he will re-
pay the money. II is expected the boy
Will be sent to the state training
school.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1929-12-30
TWlCHELL SATISFIED
WITH WAS OUTLOOK
Preliminary Plans for State
Convention Made; Time
and Place Not Picked

Members Of the executive commit
zee Of the Independent Voters Asso-
citation arc very well satisfied with
the existing situation In state politics
L. L. Twichell. Fargo. committee
chairman said here today.
Eight Of the nine committee men,
bcrs met here yesterday. laid pre-.
liminary plans for the state convcn.
ton and ~canvassed the political stu
alton.
The time and place Of the conven-
ton ere not definitely fixed but 1t
was tentatively decided to meet late
In March or early In April. Grand
Forks and Valley City were prorni-
ncntly mentioned A. host cities.
Both the time and place for the
convention will be 4 matter for
agreement between the Independent
executive committee and the indie
pendent section of the Repub-
lican state executive committee. The
Independent and lndependent-Re-
publican conventions always are held
In the same city at the same time
Twitchcll said.
J. A. Dinnic. Grand Forks. chair
man Of the Independent Republican
committee met with the independent
committee anG will inform the latter
group Of tho desires Of hts organixa-
ton as soon as they can be ascer-
tanned, TWichell said.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1929-12-30
PIONEER RESIDENT N
NORTH K DEAD
Mrs. Johanna vesperman, IS,
Mother Of Three Bismarck
Men, Dies Here

Mrs. Johanna veSpcrlnal. as, piO-
ncer resident Of North Dakota and
mother Of three we'll known Bismarck
businessmen. died at II 80 p. n. Sun
day at the home of her son. E. E.
vcsperman. 2ll Avenue d. Death
was due to infirmities OF old age.
Funeral services will be held from
the Evangelical church at 2:3O b.. m.
Wednesday with Rev. C.. r. Strutz.
district superintendent and livelong
friend Of the deceased. officiating.
Rev. Ira E. Hcrzberg. pastor. will as
sist. Burial will be made In st.
Mary's cemetery beside the body of
her husband who died In 1918.
Born January Is, 1914. at strcut.
Germany. Johanna Mueller came to
tho United States with her parents In
1851. The Muellers settled on q farm
near Madison, Wis, where Mrs. vcs-
pcrllan grew to woinanhood.
She was married to Christian vcs-
pcrmar In 1864. The vespermanS
maintained their residence In Madi-
son until 1883 when the call Of the
west took them to Grafton where
they engaged in farming.
Retiring In 1905, Mr.. and Mrs. Yes
perman came to Bismarck to make
their home with their son. Ernest.
Besides f. E., Mrs. VeSpcrman
leaves two other sons. O. A. and E. H.
T.. both residing III Bismarck. A
daughter, Mrs. G.. A. Brummund. lives
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1929-12-30
FUNERAL OF nurse
LARGELY ATTENDED
Church Unable TO Accommo.
date All There; Banks Of
Floral Tributes

Funeral services for Minnie A.
Tapley. at McClusky Sunday. we're SO
largely attended that the Methodist
church was filled and people stood
outside looking on through windows
and doors.
Floral tributes banked the wall back
of the pulpit and srnothercS the altar.
Those sent from here. when the body
Of the nurse was taken home. filled
q truck.
The services were conducted by the
pastor OF the McClusky Methodist
church, Rev. II. G. Newman, assisted
by Rev. Walter r. Water Of Bismarck.
who preached the sermon. Another
service was conducted 1t the Tapley
home. as the mother could not attend
the church rites, due to illness.
The church quartet sang several
hymns and the pallbearers were
James r. Dunn. r. O.. 0larum. d. G.
Baker, J. J. Dahl. E. o. Kleve and A.
NJ. F1nstad.
The body was started for Leroy.
Minnesota. this morning. for inter.
mcnt In the family burial plot there.
Among those from here who at
tended the services ere A. c. Brooks.
Of the state highway department. and
Duane Davis.