Milford chronicle., 1929-01-11

wonder if that is what makes me so
awfully fat?
Pearl-It must be hard blow to
a man to be rejected by a woman.
Earl-Indeed it must.
Pearl-Do you know, / don't think
could ever have the heart to do it.
One Voter-Are you in favor of
returning Congressman Wilde to
Washington?
Another-Yes, if we can only get
him to stay there.
Bachelor-Before the wedding you
told me that married life would be
one grand, sweet song.
Benedict (gloomily)-Yes; and
since then I've found it one grand,
sweet refrain.
Bachelor-Refrain?
Benedict-Yes, my wife insists
that 1 refrain from cards, refrain
from smoking, refrain from the club
and refrain from going to ball
games.
A Husband-Hi, Bill. How's your
wife?
Another Husband--I don't know,
but l see by the society papers that
she will be home in January.
Ethyl-Has Mrs. Chatterbox an
impediment in her speech?
Methyl-Yes; there are only "a
hours in day.
Tommy-Oh. mama, I've swallow
ed a safety pin.
Mamma-So that's where all my
pins go, you rascal!
Peewit-A man can hardly wed
now unless he can show the girl two
licenses.
Dismuke-Two licenses?
Peewit-Yes; marriage and auto
mobile.
ooh, George, mother would be
wild if she was to see you kissing
me-"
"iBut l amt kissin' you"
"Oh-I thought you was just goin'
to begin!"
Rufus-Is it true that Mr.. Bull
lions doctors have given him up?
Goofus-Of course not. lie las
plenty of money yet.
81 wouldn't drink out of that cup"
said little Willie to the well-dressed
young visitor; that's Lizzie's cup
and she's very particular who drinks
out of it."
"Ah," said the young nan, as he
drained the cup dry. 81 feel honored
to drink out of Lizzie's cup. Lizzie
is your sister, isn't she?"
mot much Lizzie is my little pet
pig"
Brown-Have you a good cook
now?
Green-I don't know. I haven't
been home since breakfast.
"That's a terrible noise in the
nursery, Sarah," said her mistress.
can't you keep the baby quiet?" !
"Sure, ma'am," replied Sarah. "But
I can't keep him quiet unless ]. let
him make a noise"
Pat latter boiler explosion)-Why
didn't you wait five minutes longer,
you coward?
Mike-It's better to be coward
for five minutes than to be corpse
for the rest of your life.
Hingus-Dismuke is not looking
very prosperous. thought his wife
had money. I
Dingus-She had.
Hingus-Then how do you account
for Dismuke's look of poverty?
Dingus-She still has it. !
Mother-Did you have good time
at the party?
Bobbie-Naw, I said no when they
asked me to have some more ice
cream and the sting things never
asked me again.
Mother-I say, Tom, what lid you
do with the money in your bank?
Tom-YOu told me to save it for
rainy day, and as yesterday was
rainy 1 spent it for candy.
Marguerite-Is your love for me
absolutely unselfish?
Archibald-Absolutely, dear.
Marguerite-Then I wish you'd go
somewhere else tonight. Jack Han
some promised to call.
Geigers-They say Billy Speed
more drives his new Ford 70 miles
an hour.
Simpson-Don't say "drives" say
drove" The paper this morning said
his funeral will be tomorrow.
Seashore Guest-Your advertise
ment said you were not bothered by
mosquitoes. Why, the place is full OF
them!
Proprietor-We aren't bothered;
we're used to them.
Frederick-For heavens sake,
Julia, whose socks are you darning?
Julia-Henry Smiths. When l re-
fused him I said I'd be sister to
him and he took me at my word.
He-If you refuse me I shall new
er love another
She-Will that hold true if I ac-
cept you?
Father-Peggy, how many times
have I forbidden you to wear your
skirts so Shorthand yet you keep
making them shorter! 1 can't under
e+ond 1vbv children TODAY won't do