davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
IHi NNtIU NELL I.\tI.

Speculation is justified as 10 NHHher President Hoover would have br,om. tho dry law al, oea'" ec happen- to bo had if not been for the determination of Alfred r., Smith 10 make tho dry law inc paramount issu- jn the recen, canI- pagu.
 Tn his acceptance speech Mir. Hoover satisfied the drys and also the vets. Evidence was abundant that he preferred to steer the midde course of MT. Coolidge. The plat form adopted by the Democratic convention also satisfied the drys and inc Wets hut scarcely had the last word been written at Houston before telegram came from Mr. smith that he stood unquaIifiedIy upon 8 plank that the dry law mus, bc modified. We know now that Mr. smith believed that the Solid South would not swing away from the Democratic party. and that his stand would bring 10 his support the wet states of the North. It was species Of gamble. but looked like rea- sonable gamble 70 MT. Raskob at the time
 During the campaign MT. smith laid heavy hands upon the dry law and bombarded it with stirring words. He even attacked it in dry Nashville. And wherever he spoke in such wet centers as>MIlwaukee as we'll as in dry centers. his words went to the entire country over the road. He seemed to have forgotten that words spoken before the microphone in q wet city were be- ing heard by people in dry centcrs as well. MT. Smith was so vehement about the dry issue that MT. Hoover also had 10 speak his mind about it, and he was virtually forced to aban- don his middle Of he road policy and declare for the law as it exists. going even so far as 10 call it q noble experiment.
 The campaign had not gone along far before it was q vet and dry fight-exactly what MT. Hoover and his aids at first wished to avoid Perhaps the knowledge that the Re- publicans preferred 10 avoid this is- sue induced Mr. Smith 10 lay hands upon it with increasing boIdness. Mir Smith had the courage of his con yictions, of course, and he was the type Of man who would prefer de- feat with his true colors flying rather than victory with nonde- script political flag at the masthead.
 All Of which is history. But the results are the harder for the vets as a result.
 Had MT Smith not injected the wet and dry issue into the campaign so strongly it IS probable that the
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
AS ADyERTISED:
Rv I. 4 HOff

By l.. A. HOli o ye that darkly dread the morrow And deem this world a vale of sor-
 TOW. Behold the joys of Mans devising EStolled in pictured advertising And see how plentiful the things
 are That ought 10 make us blithe a
 king are. Behold how infant clap their han
 dies When proffered mcdicated candies Regard the rosy children's blisses Inspired by tasty dentifrices, Their raptures more than tongue
 can utter While contemplating bread-and but
 ter. Observe our maiden's gladder,
 prouder Because of someone's toilet DOW Remark the exquisite emotions Of men who gloat on shaving To-
 tions Or find that anything for smoking Is simply ecstasy Behold the houseWife's soul awaken At sife of spinach, beans, or bacon. When such host of happy boosters f.xult on advertising posters njubilating all around you, How dare you grouch and gloom.
 Confound you,
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Ambassadors to the United ot'I0S are not subject to the laws Of the country. Neither arc American am bassadors in foreign lands subject 10 foreign laws. EnEogs aro immune from arrest r they conduct them- selves in a manner 10 require dIs- c.pline or punishment the nome gov ernments have jurisdiction. All ot which is according to international law The 'm-ed States. 'here,ore, las TO uea- 10 designate what for eisn enyoys should eat or drink, Those who attempt 10 tell the Amer iean eo>erumont what to do about tho habits ot for-fsn ambassadors in Washington show quite an astonIsh- ing ignorance oe international at- sa.rs.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
WIDENING TWO MAIN
 ARTERIES

Mayor Paonessa. looking about for new things to do expressed his satisfaction the other day at the prospect O tho Board Of Pubic Works putting over two street im- provements that have long been de- hated.
 These are:
 l. Widening West Main street from High 10 Cedar street.
 ?. Widen,ng Arch street.
 The public works board this year has sufficient Of an appropriation 10 go ahead with these jobs, the mayor told Us, and the way he said it gave the impression that something new in street improvements actually was likely 10 happen.
 It is easy to understand the sec ond of these proposltIons-the Wid- ening Of Arch street. This has been "in the works" for years, and noth- ing. it seems. held it in abeyance ex- cept the necessary funds. To the best Of our knowledge, there are no ob- jections. As an artery Of travel Arch street has increased in value. and the wide sidewalks mako the joD Of widening the street a simple one. The net result. as we see #. will be a little less room for sidewalk pedestrians and more room for automobiles, moving and parked.
 Widening West Main street at inc point indicated is something else. The mayor was emphatic in his declaration to US that it is necessary to give automobiles more room on West Main street when they are travelling up Or down the hill west of High street superfcially, this looks reasonable. But what some citizens will inquire about is this; Is it the intention merely 10 provide more parking space or is it fly intended to provide more room for autom obiles on the move?
 If 1t is merely the intention to provide the parking space, then the net result will be less room for the moving automobiles. At present there is little space between the curb and 'be car tracks along the library and contingent territory. and though automobiles sometimes park there it
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

The old songs glorified some par ticular state or locality, but jazz songs seem 10 represent nothing but a general mental state.
 f all were sensible, think how many who now cater 10 folly would be thrown out Of work.
 Why is yellow the mark Of cow arliCc? The first flowers to FISK spring frosts are the yellow ones.
 Crime isn't necessary while the world contains millions who will grab at anything offered free
 Another ice age is predicted in about 50,000 years, so it may be q good idea to keep those Florida lots.
 4 hick is a man who wants de- cent cup Of coffee but resigns him. s.lf 10 thimble full because he is aWcd by tho word "demi-tassc.'
 This is the season of the year when nono but the wiscst can dis. ,ucush between bright idea and u fool nation.
 \ great man is one who seems little it any diminished "hen his term of office expires.
 AIr Hoover nas grapefruit every morning. Mr. Coolidge also had little souirts for breakfast at intervals. Amcricanlsm: Sweating 70 get rich: taking life easy until you get far: sweating again 10 get thin
 Now is the time 10 put up those clover little hlue-hird houses for the English sparroWs. When you consider how many I;o, olutiouary heroes q Mexican school boy must remember it's no wonder he turns rebel at the first opportunity,
 Bill Tnd,n's repentance apparent ly vas real II plays more like an amateur.
 If you bad 10 travel for year, what ten books would you take :" Ten cheek books. thank you. |
 ! Normal times are those in which COW pasture is called a pasture in- stead of subdivision. Why not simplify jurisprudence. i AIr. Hoover. by admitting frankly ] that poverty is the only punishable i crime?
 i Funny civilization. T. imports parasites to prey on bugs that kill crops, and yet kicks when gangsters kill gangstars.
 People say man and wife" as though the man were of greater inn portance. But they also say pork and beans"
 ! Correct this sentence; Bill could have his pick of girls" said the old mother, but I'm the only woman he wants in his house."
 Copyright 1929, Publishers
 Syndicate
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

sinking rum-laden schooner mlles beyond the 1--mie limit has been the latest achievement of tho coast guard. If the American rum navy has the right 10 sink British ships in the Gulf Of Mexico then if has the right 10 sink them in the English Channel, Regardless of the nofarious business in which the I'm Alone was engaged, there is such a thing as the zealous ad' coates of law making an attempt themselves to obey international law and treaties made and signed. The Brit ish ambassador has demanded an 'explanation." There is none forth coming except one pecdica'rd upo" might is right.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
TERRIBLY FOOLISH!

Overheard by Walter J. Goldsmith
 Lisbeth; T think a girl is ter riDly foolish to pct, don't you real iy think she is?'
 Paul: 'Yeah-1 guess that's right"
 Lisbeth: Because girls who pet just make themselves cheap. don't you really think they do?"
 Paul: "Sure-you bet
 I.isbeth: Because l don't think any man can have any respect for a girl if she lets him pet her. do you thlnk they can?"
 Paul: "No-you're right"
 Lisbeth: "But I s'pose if a man really loves you it is all right to let him neck you. don't you spose tt is?"
 Paul "Yeah, if he loves you it's Q. k.' Lisbeth: But I think heaps of men just make a girl think they love her so she will let him pet her, don't you really think they do?" Paul: T s'pose soft depends on tI'' li!oil- l Lisbeth: q s'pose it does doesn': l il? l mean l think some men arc so sort of interruptions, sort Of, i don't you really think they are Paul: Well, some of 'cm.' 1 Lisbeth: But l actually think il l IS perfectly foul the way some men will tell a girl they really love her just so they can neck her, do you know what I mean?' l Paul: "Yeah, it's low trick. all right
 Lisbcth: "Yes. il really is. isn'' it?" Paul: "Ycah-you bct-fcllers like that give me a pain in tho neck"'
 Lisbeth: But ] mean how is . girl to tell when a man is really sincere?'
 Paul: Well, I'm sincere"
 Lisbeth: Are you reaily?'
 Paul: You bet"
 Lisbeth: Well, then, I s'pose it: all right but I mean l honestl, think a girl is terribly foolish t' pet unless she knows the man i really sincere"
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

City Hall grows in hno"!rl-. through trial and error T. now has been found that the purchase of ruh- Der coats for fIremeu does not com" under the heading Of public iu- provemcnts." The city ordinance. f appears. was not framed to cover walking improvements
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Sometimes a loo to shot WIns, as Was the case in England last week. But that doesn't happen in Mexico in connection w5ch the rohejs, The chances of the rrby5s hy5la 10 .ooh more like -1oa to .I0@l.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ORGAN Mt >ICn

Whats wrong with organ music' That question bothcrs organists. It ought to interest the laity who finance and install magnificent or gans
 Almost eyeryvh.t. the experience is the same. Let au artist on the violin or the piano come 10 city aud the public will crowd the hall -usuJIy a thoat"r-and Day up to S-.5o for the rrvl ye, somettmes morr,
 It fine or-am-t play on a insignificant instrument contain- ing thousands oc pipes and yielding tone at least as loud as d. sym phouy orchestra or brass band and there UsUaIly is not q packed auditorium, or church. e1.n when the public is permitted 10 enter free Of charge.
 That's what is no.hcrjns inc or =ois'e TA.y don't think they get a y4uar. I,al from 'be public As ma't,r of fact. they do not,
 r II is music that lurcv. the or saud-'s have much in their favor, The organ comp positions Of Bach, for Instance, arc great works Of art. + modern works Of symphonic pro- portions are desired, the organ has d modernist of sterling attachments represented in its literature Widor. Or Guilmant
 II cannot be the music that keeps the people absent. What is il: The orgauisrs would like to know. The question has been debated at length in organists' journals, Nobody seems 10 have solved the riddle
 Yct there are cities with munici- pal organs and municipal orsanists. Among these are Portland, Me, Nashville, Tenn. San Francisco and Denver Some Of these in addition possess symphony orchestras.
 t las been claimed that though he organ has immense resources ot
 tone and tone-tints, they are quite
 beyond the ability Of one perform
 CT 10 bring out with that swift pre-
 cisIon that characterizes orchestra
 performance. To partly compensate
 for this difficulty few organs eXis with two consoles. permitting two , players 10 perform. But music played , in this way must be transcribed there being no two-player orgar . music 10 speak Of. Besides. if two players are advisable. why not thre, : or four, with conductor keepin; them together? II is further de . clarcd that despite the resources in , hercnt in the organ. there is : monotonous drawl connected witt : it. Our limited experience with or gans has not convinced us of tn force Of this argument; We only ad'
 it to make a complete case Of tn , pros and cons.
 ; In recent years the organ ha enormously increased in popularit in the theater Organ builders hay been rushed with orders for theate organs; only the advent of the talk ; ing movies called a halt. But whe
 one analyzes the type Of nusi played by the cinema organists on } is impressed with the low qualit, considered as organ music. The SC , lections range from Annie Rooney 10 the latest Broadway ditty. Non Of which is organ music. One hear } his type of organ music by radio s in fact, it is the only type Of orga music one hears over the air, whic : is not saying much for radio orga ! music. Also. there is the theater or 3 gan system of trying 10 perform 10
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
Nember Audit Bureau o1 Circulation

Ths A. B. L. is 6 national organ atoh which furnishes neWspa pers and adEe' = tsers witb 6 strictly hones' analys's oi circulation Our circulation statistlct are based upon thl. audit Thl. tnsuJes pro tecrion against fraud h newspaper ds. tribuiion figures 10 both nauonai AnG loca! advert serA
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
COMMUNICATED
Architect Suggests Improvements in
 Business Center of City.

Editor New Britain Herald:
 It is collaborating 10 find in this city, at least one business institu- tion, already recognized as providing itself with building Of archtoc- tural merit, which appreciates the art in our long neglected city hall building.
 such an appreciation makes one begin 10 believe that there may he hope Of a public interest aroused 10 the point of going a step further
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
Observations On The Weather

Washington. March 25.-Forecast for Southern New England: Show CTS tonight and Tuesday; warmer tonight. Colder by Tuesday night; fresh southeast and south winds, shifting 10 west and northwest.
 Conditions favor for this vicinity unsettled weather with showers and slowly rising temperature.
 Tom nlraturpc
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
ua,,h-, ot the Associated Press

Tn. Assoc, ated Press ts e1ciu>iNeiY eh titled to the use for te-puo o4iSa ton "' ai news credited 10 # or not otherw>e rrealted in this paper and s.so ioca news published theren.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
Nonan's Ideal!

Gilbert: What kind of man do you want to marry anyway
 Louise: II want a man with the soul of poet and the pocket-book of a bootlegger.'
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
 AA1csaN RUlZL vbNHk
61.nd all communication so Fun Shop Editor, care 0f the New Britain Herald. and your lettee will he forwarded to New Voek.
And We'd Sit On Elm Hard Too!

Courts and their phraseology
 To us seem queer as queer can Dc, They "sit" on juries-bench2s, too.
 But not on bandits, like we do.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

The Herald |. sale daily ID Ne" York al Hotaljngs Newsstand Ilmst Square; Schultzs New2tanda Entrance Grand Central. 42nc Street
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
TELEPHONE CALLS RuGness Office ..... se5 Editorial Rooma .... 926

rhe only profta ble adVertistns Hed-uin n the City. Circulation boohs anu 9'eS room Alway. open to adveruhsTa
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Yntsrs1 at the Post Of!ice at New Britan
 u Second clAo Mall Matter.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
Handled Poorly!

Secretary: T see by the papers that Mount Nesuvius is in eruption Movie Producer: Gable our ad- vance man in Italy right away and fire him. Darn his hide, he wasn't to stage that until we got our com- pany over there.'
 Prank Nansen Why Do People Always Srram Nhen They Are Run Over by
 the Street Car7 Why do people always scream when
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

they are run over by the street car When the squeaking wheels of boisterous trolley grind into their bodies. why are they not more con- siderate than to call the attention of the public to this disgustins sight? It always looks as though they are 90 stupid as to believe that the motorman has permission to stop the car any place he wants to and not only at crossings. WHY do they scream?
 1Nrriblc Plight!
 Did you hear about Johnny June Bug"
 'The one who married Grace Angle e-Worm ?"
 "Yes. Well. she got run over the other day and cut in two" Really"
 "Yes. And now. poor fellow. they've charged him with bigamy."
 Jean de la Nelle Copyright, 1929. Reproduction
 f'orbidden)
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
Ncli-Qualificd.

Rufus; 'Iooky heah, Rufus. Heah's man advertisin fo' a deaf an dumb niegah.'
 Rastus Take the job, black boy. take the job. Yo' all kin make out yore deaf"'
 A. Y. Bristoll.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
New Britain Herald
UBscRlPTloN RATES
HrRALp PuRLsAING COMPANY

Issusd Daily Sunday Exeepted> At Herald Bldg. H Church Street
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

VnU . YeaT
 3.oo Thrss Nonths
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

No man vet ever got indigestion from swallowing his pride.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25
Facts and dFancies

The old songs glorified some par ticular state or locality, but jazz songs seem 10 represent nothing but Il general mental state.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Why is yellow the mark Of cow ardiCc? The first flowers to FISK spring frosts are the yellow ones.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

f all were sensible, think how many who now cater 10 folly would he thrown out Of work.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Why do people always scream when
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

If you had 10 travel for q year, what ten books would you take ?' Ten cheek books. thank you.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Normal times are those in which a COW pasture is called pasture in stead of q subdivision.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

When you consider how many Rcl olutjouary heroes q Mexican school boy must remember. it's no wonder he turns rebel at the first opportunity,
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Crime isn't necessary while the world contains millions Nho Will grab at anything offered free.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Now is the time 10 put up those clever little hluo-hird houses for the English STATIONS
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Bill Tild.n's repentance apparent ly vas real, II plays more like an amateur.
New Britain herald., 1929-03-25

Amcricanism: Sweating 70 get rich: taking life easy until you get far: sweating again 10 get thin.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-07-29
PERSONAL HEALTH SERVICE
BY WILLIAM BRADY, NJ. ID.

skin does not absorb it. The answer Is
that it goes all over the environment.
but not one particle Of 1t goes through
the skin.
The mystery of the wonderful new
method of feeding folks through the
skin, that was heralded~a year or so
ago as the discovery of some great
Austrian savant. is as yet unsolved.
had expected the follow-up long before
this but il the follow-up has arrived
haven't noticed it..
II any health or medical authority
ifhagines mercury is absorbed through
the skin when mercury ointment is sp-
piled to the skin. challenge him tn
demonstrate the truth Of the conten-
ton on my skin under competent
scientific control.
Once more l declare that any me
who asserts that anything is absorbed
through the unbroken skin Is either de-
ceived or seeks to deceive.
A couple of physicians nearly called
my bluff about this-they were going
to rub in lot of belladonna ointment
all over my back and make me dizzy,
but when I cheerfully accepted and
asked for the date and place for the
test the physicians faded away.
No danger that any responsible ply
sician or scientific authority will accept
my challenge to demonstration of the
matter. That's why l dare make such
a challenge. 1 have lot Of faith in
my skin as protective covering.
CCopyriEht, 1921
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-07-29
LITTLE BENNY
by LEE PAPE.

This afternoon dident feel like ask
ing ma for any more money on account
OF her having gave me so much aired
dy this week I knew what she would
proberly say, and I was watching her
sewing on her sewing machine and l
sed, Hay ma IL hao q million dollers
do you know what's the ferst thing I
would do with it?
Buy a few acres of candy or ice
GREEN cones or something equally bril-
liant Suppose, ma Sed.
No mann. nuthing like 1t, your all
wrong, 1 sed. II l mad million dol
lers the ferst thing ID do with it would
be to give you some of it, sed.
Well now that would be very thawt-
fill of you and I'm sure Id Appreciate It,
ma sed.
Yes nam, and I don't mean Id just
give you a little Of It, Id give you all
you wunted, that's how much Id give
you, and In case you got baShful and
was afraid to take more than about q
thousand dollers why l tell you what
Id do then, Id make you take half, l
sed.
Goodness, all that. ma sed, and
Sed, Yes nam, SO then you'd have q
half a million dollers.
So I would, it makes me feel quite
rich, hee hee, ma sea, and / sed, And
WHATS more you could 90 Whatever you
wunted with it, I wouldent even ask
you what you was going to do with 1t
you could borrow as much more as you
felt like, and If you spent it all insted
of paying it back, what would 1 care.
How wonderful, now that's about all
the sudden riches / can stand in one
shock, SO Suppose you go out and play,
ma Sed, and l sed, Well hay, ma, can
/ have S cents?
Yes, take il out OF the other half
million, hee hee, ma sed
Meening l couldent and proving she
thawt had gave her all that imagin-
erry money just 10 get the cents.
Wich had,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1929-07-29
THE EVENING STORY

are Just crazy to see snow on the
Barry, ST., brought the car to full
stop.
Mary" he said, you've done moth
ing but talk about the children since
we left. Do you want to go back and
get them?"
"oh. Barry. dear-would you go
back?',
IF you want to-"
But. dear, not unless you want
I'D just as soon. miss EN- like
sixty. Guess like to howl at 'em.
Besides, I left the gasoline stove in the
garage, and we can't camp without 1t.
We can use that as an excuse, and say
so long as we're home we'll give EN-
another chance and take EN- along-if
they'll promise to behave"
Barry, sr., turned the car around with
a careful eye for clear road.
Wen never let them guess we missed
them" he said. That would spoil
everything. Just let them think We do
it casually
Yes. just casually" agreed Mary ST.
But moment or two later she spoke
thoughtfully: Il won't deceive them. "
she said Not in the least. They will
know that we never came home for q
gasoline stove when we could cook over
the open fire, as we have hundreds Of
times before Well have to think up
a better alibi than that"
you've got so miles to think up an
excuse in
AS they turned in their own familiar
street Mary touched Barrys arm.
I'm going to tell them the truth"
she confessed. I'VE came back because
we couldn't enjoy ourselves without
them. We just came back because-we
wanted them
THE END.