Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-05-26
The Once Over
WHY PRESIDENTS DIE YOUNG
BY II. ]. PHILLIPS

4 WHY PRESIDENTS DIE YOUNG
CaPresIdent Hoover's weekend trouting trip was
a failure due to the fact that an army truck carrying
his tackle did not arrive On time."-News item).
Scene: Porch Of q cabin on President Hoover's fish
ing preserve. The president has been waiting all day
for his fishing tackle.
President (cupping his earl Wasn't that q rumble?
Secretary distentng): / don't hear anything. sir.
President: I thought I heard wagon wheels. Hasn't
the truck been even located yet?
Secret Service Man: I'm sorry to say we haven't
been able to get a single report on 1t, beyond the fact
1t left Washington this morning.
President: Imagine being out here for q weekend
fishing and no fishing tackled
Native Guide Ironically: You must have a lot OF
powerful heavy trout tackle to have to get 1t by army
truck. whatre you gon' troutin' with. artillery or
sumpin'?
President: 1t isn't merely tackle; I've got boots,
clothes. nets and all the filing cabinets aboard.
Guide: Filing cabinet2
President: Certainly. They contain complete card
indexes showing the species and sizes Of all trout in
this section. the pools. rapids. rocks, ripples, seasonal
~appetites, habits. etc.
Guide: I should've thought you might have fetched
q rod and line with you and Jest fished sort Of hap
hazard like till the truckload OF data got in.
Secret Service Man: I never knew an army truck
to get any place on time yet. and I spent three years
in France.
II PRESIDENT. Inc next time i 20 trout IiSnlng Ill
have my supplies brought up by the navy.
Guide: The navy can't get into this wilderness, sir.
President: Well. neither can the army.
Secretary: ! wonder what can have happened to
that truck.
President: Probably army red tape.
Secret Service Man: That's 1t. Just about the time
the truck got a mile outside Of Washington some army
bureau colonel missed 1t and told a major general.
The major general took the matter up with a couple
OF b~rigadiers who looked up the records and found
the driver Of the truck had the wrong kind Of buttons
on his coat. An order was flashed through to hold up
the truck pending a fun inquiry. After about ten
hours It was found the truck was being sent out on
the presidents orders. It was then released, only to
be detained again q few minutes later because some
army office secretary discovered that the order send
ing you the truck had been typed on the wrong kind
Of paper.
President Cpacing the porch Imagine an army
truck taking all day to get here2 Why, It's almost ms
slow as II it were carrying ammunition to a hard
pressed regimentl
Secretary: I heard some twigs crackle just now.
President: Maybe It's coming UP at last.
Guide Gas lad Of about u comes along a path with
a rod over his shoulder: It's just a kid.
President: Any luck, sonny?
The Boy Showing a dozen big ones): Got these in
the last half hour. mister. They're just startin' to bite.
The President Ccollapsing in the arms Of his secre-
tary): Is there no justice?
so
N NOR TEST
Elmer Twitchel suggests that about all that's left
for Clyde Van Dusen, the Kentucky derby winner. to
do to establish his supremacy is to swim the English
channel.
Yale has abandoned the ancient custom Of class
balloting for the most likely to succeed" hand
soonest man." etc. The students there are 50 busy
lodging derricks, steam shovels and trucks loaded with
steel beams that they haven't time for traditions.