Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1929-04-25
Laws Could Add to
Personal Comfort
By RING LARDNER

ASAC q Sops VI iit iucosuSc 4 uHh
sending to congress and maybe they
might not dast give 1t out to the pa
pers so here's a copy of 1t:
To Congress:
Well, ladys and gents, | realize 1t
ain't customary for nobody only the
president to send you boys a message
body sending you n a specially q
man that come as close to the white
house as myself, and might of got all
the way In II l hadn't Of left Washing
ton a few minutes before the Cool
idges decided to make it a amusement
park, at least Judging from some of
the birds that did get In | don't see
how they could of barred this baby.
And besides II you boys is anything
like our last congress a message will
go just as big whether 1t comes from
me or the president or the ouija board,
so anyway ] am going to write and
point out a few things that needs ten
sion.
Well, gents, you know the old gag
that people that lives in a glass house
shouldn't drink out Of a bottle so the
place to makeing reforms
Is right where you are at, namely the
nations capital, and ] don't know
no way you can make a better begin
ming than appt, a committee to attend
all the ball games in Washington this
season and find OF. If the home team
is really playing their best.
And the next thing to do Is to give
the town Pullman telephone booths SO
a person can enjoy a nights rest while
waiting for the wrong number and
thus kill 2 birds with n nickel be.
sides getting your shoes shinad.
"Please use this rag to wipe your
razor as one small cut destroys a
towel"
Guests without baggage % cts. ex-
ira for meals served in BOOTH"
"Stop; have you anything leftY
Pass a bill providing for the pres
ident not to leave Washington during
his incumbrance as they are libel t.
run wild when they get away from
home and 60 to gay Paree and buck
the Tiger or something. Presidents
Of course, like to travel because they
get 10 cts. per mile which nets item
about 2 cts. profit at the present rates
minus the amusement tax on a upper
but II they claim they can't get along
without some such kind of a get rich
quick scheme, why allow them a dime
for every mile they stay on the fair
way and l guess by the end OF 4 yrs
they will have enough saved up to buy
IA interest In q milk chocolate.
1 also wished you would put up the
names of the different govt. bldgs. In
big letters so as when a man Is show
ing his Mrs. the town she won't act
like she has him s~ubpoenaed.
Borrow a 16 yr. old dependent child
somewheres and give it to the bird
that figured out the personal exemp.
ton allowance on the income tax and
make him support 1t on $500 a year.
Pass a rule to permit smokeing In
the senate and house sc as you boys
won't keep asking teacher If you can
leave the rm.
So much for local legislation and
now we come to matters that effects
the whole U. S. States and the first
thing to do Is pass another amendment
because 1t takes in both the 18th and
10th amendments to have this new
amendment provide that Election Day
is Kings X from prohibition so a man
will have some place to hang around
while the madam is spelling ballots
Repeal the truants law so a person
won't have to 60 all spring and fall
without a caddy.
Repeal the law VS.. the rabbit punch
in boxing. This punch is a blow that
lands at the base of a fighters brain
and It looks to me that the man that
lands 1t instead Of being disqualified
ought to be given a seat In the hall
Of fame along with Columbus and Ad-
miral Peary.
No u fare minded congress wants
to show partially towards either one
Of the 2 big govt. wal schools so an.
other sporting event that should
ought to be laid on the shelf is the
service game. This saves them the
trouble Of getting rid Of the tickets.
Pass a law VS.. men wearing dinner
clothes which don't benefit nobody but
the Chinaman. Or II 1t looks like
there was too much opposition to
abolishing this quaint custom all to
gether, at least leave us have some
govt. regulation so as when you are
called up and asst to dinner you won't
have to 60 through no all day battle
Of the Marine deciding If you will OF
you won't.
Make SOM kind of a universal rule
in regards to hats In coed elevators.
The way 1t Is now a man is all right
II he stays in one town but the min
ute he goes visiting he is all wrong.
For inst. If you are in Chicago you
keep your hat on unlest the elevator
is in a hotel or a department store.
In N. Y. city you also take them of
in a apt. bldg. providing the lady
amt your own wife or a relative. But