The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1929-08-17
These Naughty Grapes

One Of the dscouraging things about prohibition
enforcement is that nature herself appears to be in
the conspiracy to outwit the Volstead act It's bad
enough to have to fight bOoteggers, smuggers, and
their confederates but when becomes necessary to
combat the laws Of nature, hard work piles up on
officials charged with the duty Of making America
sale for the Ant-SaIoon League and Bishop Cannon
1t appears to have become necessary just now for
Prohibition Commissioner Doran to make trip to
California and hunt down the deadly grape Some
how or other the laws of nature governing the grape
WILL with or without the connivance of mischevous
humans, turn it's delightful juice into wine; and
since the Volstead act made it unlawful to buy wine
already made, California grape growers have become
unusually prosperous.
They grow and sell many more grapes than in pre-
prohibition days; and it is suspected that this in
creased sale is not due to sudden increase in the
number of people who pick the grapes off the bunch
at time and eat them
In fact there is a suspicion that the juice is ex-
tracted and nature permitted to take her course
the result being wine.
Now the good Dr. Doran is going to sneak up on
the California grape and follow it to its final resting
place. Evidently something will have to be done
about the grape and its juice. willing federal judge
put on the bench by Wayne Wheeler or Bishop Can
non might issue an injunction prohibiting the grape
from turning into wine, but it isn't easy to make
the laws of nature obey those of man; and grape
can't be sent to Jail for contempt Of court Neither
can its juice readily be padlocked.
There would even be some difficulty about making
mere man quit growing grapes. Even the President
of the United States is said to 500 acres of grape
vineyards in wicked California; and his grapes are
like all other grapes in that their juice will turn to
wine if given half chance.
One thing that bothers DR.. Doran is the selling of
large quantities of grapes to companies that extract
the juice sell it 10 thirsty sinners and tell them how
to let nature take her alcoholic course.
If DR.. Doran can force the selling of grapes one
bunch to each customer and have prohibition agent
armed with rifle stand by to that he eats every
grape right off the bunch, the problem would be
solved.
But even if the festive grape should be baked,
there still would remain the problem of controlling
the lowly dandelion, the luscious peach, the juicy
elderberry and many other fruits, flowers vegetables,
and grains that can be persuaded by thirsty to
yield potent alcohol far beyond onehaf of one per
cent Even the modest potato will work against Vol
stead if properly encouraged
The human system itself would have to be out
lawed for it will even convert sugar in the form of
candy or in the into alcohol; and somebody once
said that there much alcohol in loaf of bread
as there is in a bottle Of beer.
As for candy. in the old days when stopped
drinking alcoholic drinks he developed a greedy
appetite for sweets.
Altogether it looks as if mere man had tackled
tough job in undertaking to drive alcohol off the
face of the earth keep it out of the stomach of
human beings