davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
JOKES


Hank Nelson-Sh, my little man,
and what do you play on the foot
ball squad?
Fritz HembreeI play draw
back.
KRIS
Miss Rushton-Tommy Brown,
you are behind in your English
quizzes. May hold you for few
minutes after the rest are dis
missed?
KRIS
Miss Tash-Who was the Faith
er of our Country?
Lyle Tippie- George Washing
ton.
Miss Tash-And who was the
Mother?
Bin Hudlow-Merry Christmas.
KRIS
Can anyone explain why Ed
Speigle put his hat on in such 9
hurry when he saw q woodpecker
flying toward him7
Preaching (reading about the
KRIS
building Of the Ark) The rains de-
seconded and the winds beat the
earth-then what?
Bill Frazier-And all the buns
was thrilled to hear the voice OF
went South.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
H. s. Grads Stand Well at w.s.C

Announcement is made by the
English department of the receipt
Of a communication from the w. s.
G. listing the standing Of K. 81. S.
graduates in the English placement
test given to all Freshmen entering
college.
OF the four Freshmen that Ken
entered at the State College
this fall, two were placed in the
tenth decile or upper half ten per
cent and one each in the fifth and
sixth deciles.
No Kennewick students were
placed in the SUBJ Freshman course.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
ANOTHER SHORT STORY

One very dark night when the
moon wasn't out even a teeny-
weeny little bit at all, a Chicago
cop was walking along in Chicago
when he heard a noise-"Bang!
Bang! Bang!''-so the cop, who
was very brave, extinguished or
put out his cigarette and dashed
around the corner at full speed
ahead, and there he say q man
shooting at people with big pis-
toll, so he said to the man, You
scared me; / thought it was an
auto backfiring and waking up
everybody" and forthwith the two
burst into hearty laughter.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
Letters from the People /.
%*+%4++%++++4
Karrow;cL o,, fho Columbia

kACAAAA0Ul OiA WIZ >O~~~~~~- -
Dear Editor:
Well sir, sure as you live this
is a funny country. Our intelligent
majority keep passing laws and
the ignorant minority keep find
ing ways to avoid them.
There are many stringent laws
against manufacture, sale and the
possession Of intoxicating liquors
but still we find many easy ways
to get "spiflicated."
There are many more just as
stringent laws against gambling,
but any one who is so minded can
still lose his last and only shirt in
a small poker game in a small
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
A SHORT, SHORT STORY

"Goody! Goody!n shouted
the debutante, for now she was
engaged to big , the football
hero. They rented coy little
apartment an gaily went shopping
for furniture, was very exact
ing, so they shopped for days and
days in an effort to find what she
wanted. But, loiter in my story:
At last dropped big ..--.--- and
married a small man to make her
living room look larger.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
BASKETBALL

Last Wednesday afternoon about
four-thirty a group of some 70
boys stamped impatiently In the
hall outside the gym door waiting
for the girls to finish their prac-
tice. In few minutes all is quiet
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
THE EARLY SETTLERS

The little ship Of Columbus, bat
tered by heavy seas, plowed on
across the mountainous waves
its nose headed westward, ever
westward. The crew, giddy from
the long voyage, and doubtful OF
its outcome, were threatening mu-
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12

MARVELLOUS

A MARVELLOUS musical
"A instrument built in the
form of a table-a beautifully
finished, six-legged, octagon-
shaped center table with the
famous built-in Atwater-Kent
screen-grid radio beneath its
top. A masterpiece in the
table makers art, combined
with this radio masterpiece
- truly a golden voiced
table"
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12

LESLIE J. SMITH.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12

ticket will be given with each cash purchase of $OO At
Powmans Tickets will also be given for each dollar paid 40
count before Christmas Eve well radios and tubes
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1929-12-12
~ HRISTMAS Eve Plowman's
~ will give away, FREE, a.
Kie1
Golden Voiced
Table

This combination high class
radio and beautiful center table
is the last word in musical ap-
pliances. A scientifically design
ed musical instrument combined
with a beautiful, useful piece OF
furniture.
This RADIO, complete, will be pre-
sented to the person holding the
lucky number on Christmas Eve.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

II anybody doubts hat life insurance is nowadays
regarded as an essential Of human life by more than
read the record Of the insurance business. At any
half Of the United States. We suggest that he or she
rate. it would be well to consider some statistics issued
Life Insurance Presidents According TO Mr.. Wight's
statistics. there are 100000 policy-holders in the
United States. Together they carry approximately
500, 0o0,O 600 900 in life insurance.
To emphasize the stupendousnes rof the belief that
people are using good judgment rs to the profitable
ness Of being thrifty when they invest in life :nsur-
ance. we point out Mr.. Wight's figures. namely. that
the average policy is sl.5ss5o. and the average :nsur-
ance for each OF the 10000. 900 residents Of The ma
ton Is 5000. More than One-half Of The residents
carry life insurance.
The life insurance business-and we have no IN
terest in 1t except as one OF the IS. 600. 900 Dolicv-nold-
ers-is less than one hundred years old. For many
years IL struggled along with the odds against Il. tn
GLIDING the then popular idea that it was silly to
gamble against death. Gradually. however. It's merits
began TO become better appreciated. with The result
that TIE first fifty billion dollars In policies had been
issued in 1922. about seventy-five years after The bus
mess got its start. During the xix and = half inter-
Tening years. the business doubled. md Mr.. Wight
now predicts that by 1910 It will double rgain. It IS
difficult to conceive Of such enormous growth. but
the fact that life insurance now s regarded by most
persons as an essential to life's satisfaction. rnd the
interests Of policy-nr'ders tn the companies directing
the business nre 70 ioroughly safeguarded i~ustifes
the belief that Mr.. Wight's prediction will come true.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
The Once Over


0OAA
Those whom the gods wuold destroy they first
make golfers.
2-Too many hooks rpol the tcore.
"a man Is as old as ne swings.
+Necessity Is The mother Of deception.
5-There are just as good balls In the lake as ever
we're found.
G-Fools drive in where experts fear to roll.
Take care Of the puts and the :core will take
care Of itself.
S-You may drive a ball to the green, but you rant
make It rink.
9-The foursome Is worthy Of It's liar.
l0-A golfer Is known by The pars 20 which he
swears.
11-Faint heart never won a club tournament.
12-If at once you don't chip out. Try. try Egain.
ia miss is as good rs IN eight.
i4-Tis better to have sliced and won than never
to have won ct I'll.
l5-when the pros away the dubs will play.
l6-Spare the wood md spoil the :airway.
i7-People who live In glass houses shouldn't reside
near rolf courses.
ls-Distance makes the slice Erow longer.
1s-ItS q short putt that knows no turning.
20-Par is the root OF all evil.
Ala good lie Is rather to be chosen than treat
riches.
22-Hell hath no fury like a duffer trapped.
23-Putt in haste: repent ut leisure.
24-Its an Ill roll that does nobody good.
25-He puts best who puts last.
26-A birdie on the card is worth two in the con-
~Fersation.
2-A golfer Is known by the h~andicaps ne Keeps.
23-Golfers should be seen and not heard.
29-You can't teach an old member new strokes.
30-Be sure you are ~right-then tell the score.
3i-Better half a swing than no drive.
32-Dont count your brides before they IRE
Matched.
33-A low ball for a long drive.
34-Never change niblicks in midstream.
35-Great bores from little golfers grow.
36-The nearer the cup the sweeter the putt.
57-What is one mans cleek is another mans
poison.
3s-A quarette Is not without honor save in It's own
locker-room.
3s-Al Fights and no twos give Jack the deep blues.
40-Foursomes make strange bedfellows.
4i-Its q wise golfer who knows his own ball.
COMPLETELY EQUIPPED
The bride wore q silk dress Of eggshell hue md
coat and accessories TO m~stch.-Clinton Local.
Any parking lights?
Add SMILES: AS unfortunate as n headline writer
who can't spell exodus and influx during the Labor
Day weekend.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
StarLOre
PICKING OUT THE ASTEROIDS

By Arthur Dew. Carpenter
Asteroids were originally identifiHd
with difficulty, for they so otter
closely resembled faint stars as seen
through the telescope. The astro-
homer had TO make a chart OF the
stars In the vicinity he was inspect
ing. locating each star with the
greatest precision. Then from night
to night he would check up to see If
any of these points ar light changed
their positions. Tf 10. they were as
teroids. But now a camera may be
focused on a given stellar area with
the telescope clock holding the cam
era exactly OH the stars for long ex-
posure. Then II any object makes a
trail on the negative, he knows IT Is
an aSterOid.
More tomorrow
Answers 40 Foregoing Questions
1. Ruth St. Denis: dancer: Ted
Shawn.
2. From the mountains Of north
ern Palestine to the north end of
IL dead sea.
3. John Adams.
4. Ct. John XIV. a.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

David Jordan. handsome young
bond salesman.
Chatty's busy tongue creates
havoc in the office. Agnes Herfort.
Mr.. Van Mugs secretary. leaves on
account of Chatty's gossip. David
Jordan knows that Chatty Is re-
sponsible. and drops her. Chatty
begins to go with a new salesman,
Bryant Dunning. who says he Is
married but has left his wife.
Chatty's friends are Billie LANCE
nau, a file clerk. and Winnie Tai
colt, Mr.. Vans new secretary. Aft
er some lively parties Chatty
makes up her mind to quit going
with Bryant.
The next day David Jordan
brings a girl to the office. and
Chatty, in a rage Of jealousy,
makes another date with Bryant.
But she does not love Bryant, and
determines not TO have any more
dates with him. After an argu-
ment with her mother about Bry-
ant, Chatty goes across the hall
TO G Billie. Despite all her good
intentions. Chatty still goes around
with Bryant and his crowd. She
asks Bryant to teach her to drive
his car.
Chatty and Bryant 90 to the
Lollypop, a roadhouse, where Chat
ty is sure she sees Winnie Talcott
with MIR. Van Mugs. The next day
Chatty tells the girls.
(Now Go On With the Story
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

slippers. I've seen them a dozen
timesl"
"Oh, 1 had on my red dress and
my gold slippers. did II" sneered
Winnie. Then perhaps you'll x
plain thisl"
She snapped open her bag and
produced a slip Of. paper. She read
It aloud, first, then handed it to
Billie to read.
Arcade Laundry. Received OF
Miss Winifred Talcott. one Grim
son dress; it is expressly agreed
that risk Of fading in cleaning is
taken by Miss Talcott."-
Look at the datel" she stormed.
Two days agol How many red
dresses have i? You ought To
know-you've been at the house
enough! How dare you lie like
that?"
Billie raised her hands and broke
in. Winnie, Winniel Wait a min
ute. Chatty. be quiet. Don't quar-
re-, girlsl Chatty. did you see Win
ME, or just a red dress and gold
slippers or some girl?
Il saw Mr.. Vani He was with a
girl In a red dress and gold slip
pers-and 1t was Winniel" answer
ed Chatty, miserably conscious that
she had jumped to the conclusion
that because MIR. Van had gone out
with Agnes. therefore, the next girl
he took out was also his secre-
tary. But she couldn't admit she
was wrongs
Lola spoke up. Il was with Win
ME all evening at her homel" she
stated we we're too tired to no
out and dance"
The little knot Of girls stared at
Chatty. accuSingly. Even Billie's
kind face vas stern. But before
Chatty could think Of anything 70
say in defense. or even utter the
apology she would have to make,
Winnie stormed at her again.
IT'S your long tongue!" she ac-
cused. You are always making
trouble for Someonel You see 4
red dress and accuse me. because I
have a red dress. You hear some
thing YER your telephone you've
got no business to hear. and make
up the other half Of the story and
tell 1t as factl You are nothing
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

Who am III? What is my profession?
Who Is my husband?
From where 10 where does the
River Jordan run?
Which president OF the United
States refused I'D attend the inaug-
uration of his successor?
"If We abide in me ana nv words
In you, We shall ask what We will
and 1t shall be done unto you"
Where is this passage found in the
Bible2
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

lifeI Now you tell these girls you
are a liar or"
Chatty faced her accuser, anger
and wonder struggling for mastery
in her mind. But anger won
Il will not say / am a liarl l am
not a liarl I saw youl You had
on our red dress and your gold
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

Wont 7? Won't I?" Winnie
stamped her foot. Well, Just
watch mel"
The little knot OF girls was
breathleSsly silent. Chatty looked
from face to face. seeking for help,
for support. for courage-and find
ing none. TO be bawled out like
this-and all for what? For max
ing a little mistakel Let her 60 to
Mr.. Van, If she daredl They were
all against her-well, she'd show
them how much she cared!
She looked her one-time friend
up and down, then shifted diSdain-
fully and turned TO the mirror.
"Well?" Winnie pushed herself
almost under Chatty'S nose.
II have nothing further to sayl'
acclaimed Chatty. in what she
hoped and believed was a grand
and dignified manner.
Winnie left the room imme-
diately. Standing near the door
Lola pulled 1t open again as soon
as Winnie left, and watched the
split-fire figure make rapid prog
reSs down the hall.
She's gone TO Mr.. Vans room!"
she announced, with a v gig
gle. "Chatty, you sort Of bit of
more than you al chew!"
But none Of the other girls spoke
10 her. They turned, one by one.
to go to work. Only Billie came
over TO her, and laid q tentative
hand on her arm.
In Mr.. Vans office a very angry
girl confronted an at first amused,
and then perturbed, employer.
l was at home all EVENING"" Win
ME assured him. You know, Mr..
Van Mugs. you nev asked me 10
walk TO the corner with you. let
alone TO 60 to lunch or a road
house, You wouldn't do such a
thinglr
Winnie looked up at him admir-
ingly. No harm showing the big
Boss that she thought him great
But Miss Chattertcn insists that
I was with you at the old Lolly-
pop Innl She told the whole Of
flee about itl She's nothing but IA
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

but a gossip. Charlotte Chatterton
"a mean. vicious. lying gossipl And
you'll stand up here and tell these
girls that you told a lie on me, or
Ill 10 straight TO the boss and tell
hin, myself. what a trouble maker
he got in the office!"
"Oh, no. mol" cried Billie. You
won't do that
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
READ THIS FIRST:

READ THIS FIRST:
Charlotte Ch2tIerton, nicknamed
Chatty, is a born gossip. Her moth
er. q widowed dressmaker. has one
wealthy customer. Mrs. Van Mugs,
and through her Chatty gets a
position as switchboard operator in
the Van Mugs bond house. There
she meets and falls in love with
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

you chattering poll parrotI- she
began . How dare you tell q lie
like that on me?"
Chatty looked at her friend In ut
ter amazement.
Why, Winniel" she cried. You
were therel I saw you'll"
You liel / was not therel I
was home all EVENING"" acclaimed
Winnie, passionately. Il don't run
around with married men, in the
first place. or with my boss. in the
secondl And I won't be talked
about by anyone. especially a girl
who doesn't know her tongue from
a perpetual motion machine, and
who can't tell the truth to save her
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
By ROYAL s. COPELAND, N. ID.
Former Commissioner Of Health

to a disorder OF the sympathetic
nervous system. hot water COM
presses applied under the arm for
half an hour are beneficial You
should have treatment for the
nervous condition.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
Today's Horoscope

Persons born on this day are
faithful and take pride iii doing their
work well. They sometimes get a dis
torted view Of things and act I'M
wisely In consequence.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

AT least there's one thing to be said about The new
tabloid paper money. Nobody. can claim it Is Bigger
and Better.-Chicago Evening Post.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
Cutting Down Funeral
Processions

Mayor J.. waddy Tate OF Dallas makes q rather
novel suggestion looking to the reduction Of traffic
congestion on the streets Of the Texas rity. He wants
funeral professions Observation-Disclosures to. say. four
vehicles. One OF these. Of course. would be used IN
transporting members of the family. ministers and
palIbearers.
Mayor Tate points out that funeral professions
have right Of way, always; even ambulances and fire
wagons have to give precedence to them. and It some
times works a real hardship to await their slow pass
age. He does not suggest that a law should be
passed" but will ask all Dallas undertakers 10 TO
operate to the extent Of announcing 10 assembled
funeral groups In homes and churches the place
where interment win be had. instructing those who
wish to 60 to the cemetery to proceed by any route
they may select.
In addition. the Dallas executive proposes that
funerals of lodge member and others for whose
burial there viii be q parade, should be held late IN
the evening for the comfort and convenience Of Oil
concerned.
Mr.. Tate, 1t occurs to US. uses his head FOR Iome-
thing more than O hat-rack.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

Thus far the nearest approach to a barkleSs do
Is the skinless MISUNDERSTANDING Banner.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

Nowadays q vacation period Is usually nothing bu
a dash in an automobile.-LouisvTlle Times.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

Another thing about the new currency. It rertair
" can 60 fast for its age.--Dallas News.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

II modern methods had obtained In those hayl
Job would have claimed the worlds patience tndur
nnce Gazette.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04
The Lizard Industry

The story about the frog industry, which reems to
be flourishing around Tallulah, had scarcely rot into
type before we received one about another new Louis
lana industry. featuring the lizard. The only regret
we have about the new business is that 1t hadn't up
peared when We were nj our boyhood, for then. instead
Of lassoing EN- simply for the fun Of the fascinating
pastime. we might have earned ourselves some tasy
money.
Men and boys In some parts Of Louisiana, .nclud-
ing the New Orleans section, are capturing the little
four-legged reptiles nowadays for the northern mar
kets, where the demand comes from lighthouses ind
sun pariors. The price they are paid averages n cent
and a half per lizard.
With lizards in demand by real purchasers, md
the woods so full Of them. there Is no reason COR he
small boy to be unoccupied-
Twas the frog: now the lizard. What next?
Our idea Of prison reform is to add a couple Of
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1929-09-04

Our idea Of prison reform is TO add a couple o
large wings-Toledo Blade.
The Indianapolis times., 1929-12-11
MARVELLOUS

A marvellous array Of sparkling
diamonds at this special price;
each one gorgeous, each one of
great splendor.
The Indianapolis times., 1929-12-11
Asthma Nearly Made
Him Change Climate
Got Well at Home Years Ago, and
Trouble Never Returned.

Sufferers thinking of changing
climate for asthma or bronchial
troubles will be interested in the ex-
perience Of Earl L. Harvey, Cumber-
land, Ind. He says:
"I had asthma for nine months. !
couldn't sleep at night, had a bad
cough, and had to be propped up in
bed. I sold my furniture, intending to
try Colorado. but instead l tried Nacor
in August, 1924. Since Sept. 13, 1924, l
have been able to work every day. !
am entirely well; no symptoms of
asthma, pains or cough. l haven t
taken any medicine since November,
1924
Hundreds of people who suffered for
years from asthma, bronchitis and
chronic coughs have told how their
trouble left and never returned Their
letters and booklet of vital informa-
tiOn about these diseases will be sent
free by NacOr Medicine Co., 40S State
Life Bldg. Indianapolis, Ind. The
more serious your case, the more i'm
pOrtant this free information may be.
Call or write for it.-Advertisement.
The Indianapolis times., 1929-12-11
FLOOD WATERS
MENACE BRITAIN
IN STORM WAKE
Dams Erected to Protect
Large Communities
Along Thames.
Bp United Press

BH United Pre88
LONDON, Dec. 11.-Rising food
waters, following in the wake Of a
week of devastating storms, which
claimed 1853 lives at sea and on
land throughout the British isles
and western Europe, threatened
additional damage and disaster to
Great Britain today.
The storms, which ragged for a
week with q deSuuctiveness un-
aralleled in century. had abated
considerably today, although iso-
ted distress calls continued to
.rickle in from the sea.
Preparations were made to search
y airplanes for unreported fishing
tOats and trawlers which might
have survived the battering of the
waves wit crews still alive.
The flot ed Thames river contin-
ued to rise near Somerset and
threatened the town of BridgeWater,
q town of 10000 residents. Author
tiles have ordered construction Of
dams in the surrounding country
side, causing three villages to be
submerged. Villagers sacrificed their
homes and fled, although some of
them threatened to cut the dykes.
Authorities posted notices that
any one attempting sabotage would
be prosecuted. Patrols were estab-
lished to prevent any interruption
in attempts to protect the larger
communities.
More than 100000 acres in the
Somerset district are flooded with
the rain still undiminished. Dis
tress was acute in many sections
The Indianapolis times., 1929-12-11
VARE'S DICTUM
TINDER SP ARK
Bitter Senate Battle May Be
Result.

BIZ SoriDDs- Ho4oard NetosDaDer Alliance
WASHINGTON, Dec. ia repe-
tition of Pennsylvania bitter
three-cornered senatorial primary
of 1926 is likely next spring, accord
ing to advices reaching Washing
ton.
The announcement by William S.
Ware, recently denied senate seat
that he will seek "vindiCation, has
muddied up the Pennsylvania
waters for Joseph r. Grundy, or
whomever Governor Fisher will
name to fill the vacancy. Ware
already has begun an appeal to
The Indianapolis times., 1929-12-11
Two Killed in Auto

By United Press
FIT. WAYNE, Ind, Dec. 11-An
automobile collision nine miles
north of here caused the death of
two Negroes. The dead are Alec
Darlington, 55, and Jesse McKit-
land, %, both of Detroit. James
Williams, %, Birmingham, was in
iured seriously.
The Indianapolis times., 1929-12-11

where residents were rendered
homeless by the rising waters.
The latest victim of the storm at
sea was the sailing ship Saint Louis,
which sank off Muessant, France.
Its crew was saved by the Swedish
steamship Crikfrisell.