New Britain herald., 1929-04-27
|ANDY'S GARDEN WAS NOT 50 HOT
Explains Why He Will Not PurI
 sue Agriculture
(Contributed)

bear Mary Ann.
 In the spring young bachelors fancy lightly turns to thoughts ot | overhauling the family bus. trying out for the ball team. or having A
 garden plot. Owing to my lack of
 success with last years garden my thoughts, if any, have detoured from the last named. Even though l. you instructed me on how to garden all ] ever raised successfully WAS something the kids could use on Halloween, though I've tried every- thing to get results except the recipes from a cook book. Some may be able to grow sun flowers in |
 cave or potted plants in a thimble but it seems all I ever grew without help was corns.
 Like many an amateur l started with a tistful of seed packages, six cylinder enthusiasm. and wound up in porch rocking chair with . bottle Of liniment. It being toss up which developed the most body squeaks. the chair or me. Up at dawn with hoe and to bed at dusk l mosquito bites. When the plot wasn't
 providing free parking space for
 empty sardine cans or what have
 you, 1t was serving as picnic ground for all the bugs and insects Tn town. Among the things ] turned mp with the soil was the lost handle bars from the kid brothers bicycle.
 two sections of stove pipe and about
 yard of worn out brake lining, Not 10 mention what was left Of the alarm clock I'd heaved outa the window to break up a midnight cat quartet that was practicing some- thing on a fish scale that didn't sound like any lullaby and which was no more soothing to the nerves
 than f1aprer's chattering is to 6 tired business man. The only time l got relief from the back breaking setting-up exercises was when I per-
 suaded neighbor 10 practice his golf shots on the plot But when
 ne wanted me 10 act as caddie 10 | replace the divots his mashie dug it took all my will power to reach for
 a Lucky instead of d hoe handle to
 crown him with.
 1 Even the string beans wouldn't
 string along in harmony. They
 seemed to have plenty of speed but
 no control as they climbed all over
 th" place. entwining in pettin' party , fashion around some tomato plant and 10 separate 'em from the clinch Without choking one or the other you'd hafta be licensed referee. The only pumpkin l had grew so
 iop-sided it could easily pass for its
 nearest relative. One side was fla. enough to use as paperweiaht while the other rescmblcd bay
 "lndo" with a southern exposure. | something else l almost raised
 was flower named "Mechanics
 belght' To help it along did everything except scrape the carbon
 rom the stem or feed it gas and oil,
 I'd have done this only felIa told l me the only things that need the
 carbon scraped was spark plugs. ! cylinders and the old gents corn
 cob pipe. Other flowers l planted
 were no more beautiful than those ' that peel off the wallpaper in the boarder's bedroom failed to be- come discouraged until by mistaIl. { I'd planted all Of Inc pills thu. doctor i hah given me 10 cure d cold. I.uckt- " he didn't give me q mustard plaster CT I'd have absentmindedIy
 set that out too.
 1 But what made my goat kick up moisture was a steady downpour 1 that would make Old Man Noah
 place patches on his hip boots, put
 up the one-man top. and look to his
 steering gear. This shower didn't
 do anything except make the home
 grounds so wet the plants in the 1 hrst three rows. also those in the
 preachers, pass out. And I don't | mean rainchecks. So that's how
 come, Mary. l gave up being cham- herinaid 10 young plants and chauf.
 feur to d cultivator
 ANDY DALE.