davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
EVOLUTION OF SHIRTS
Decatur, III, Herald)

IT.,
their remember it we'll
be arched front and slit up behind
Col
proclaimed
factt thatt can clothing store
eventually
garment off the market
particularly difficult shirt with buttons but
Putting STUDS
putting in after the
or i like cutting ones hair
evil last forever change bound to come
the
the back
reversal The
mortified
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
A GOOD OLD STOVE


results
be by a o al
Prescott there
his old
the loud speaker
mighty However, cold night
dstovedo oes
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
PZucked From the Plains
uSELESS

We are reminded that the open sea-
son for conventions is now on by a
snatch of conversation we heard in a
hotel lobby recently. Two brothers
something -or-other had bumped into
each other.
did you get room all right?" one
of them asked.
What do I want with a room?" re-
piled the other with fine disdain. "I'm
only going to be here three days.
New Yorker.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Another Orator Lost

when arose to speak it was so
still in the hall you could have heard
pin drop"
"YeS?"
''Well, stood there for a moment
looking out over the audience, and
framing my first sentence, and I sm
sure that I should have been able to
get along all right, but just before I
had got ready to utter my first word,
some fool in the back end Of the hall
yelled, Louder Judge.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Frank with Himself

A well-known minister was fond of
telling this story:
Short-sighted Mr.. Smith went with
his wife to portrait gallery. "That's
the ugliest portrait I've ever SEEN" he
cried, stopping suddenly before what
seemed to him an artistic atrocity.
"Come away you silly" replied his
wife, chats a mirror"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

gin hound will deny that synthetic gin
solved the gin problem.
Now there is a boast about a music
merger that is promising great things.
Let's hope they jam the saxaphones
and trap drums when they merge and
bury them so deep they will be lost
from the Jazz field forever and a day.
There is reported discovery of a
revolt in Bolivia. Lindberghs down
that way. Why not send him as an
ambassador of peace as well as of good
will and stop the trouble?
Somebody yelled helped" from Ho-
boken The chamber of commerce
held a banquet and the dry squad
! raided the place and grabbed dozens
Of bottles of whiskey 1t is a wonder
it sounded like "help" when they yelled.
There has just been some unusual
weather" in southern California, the
cafeteria portion of the coast state Tt
had night of 81 degrees in the best
orange belt in the state around Red
lands.
to lock Hearst and Heflin in a cage
attached to balloon and then let the
balloon go up.
There's another Rarnum practicing
his vocation of fishing for them" He
offers device to make an automobile
run SO miles on one gallon gas. Now
you tell one.
That Kerby- Nc Cluskey case might
set precedent. Suppose general
rule in all lines were to be invoked to
fire everyone not earning his pay
One thing that makes a hard-boiled
news editor laugh is to get pages of
manuscript which starts off with. the
statement: I'm an interview granted"
by DR.. Blank. May the Lord have
mercy on the grantor.
Speaking of "beer planks,' wouldn't
that make it sloppy campaign if they
were placed in the party platforms?
Certainty it couldn't be possible
that the U. S. senate rejected Smith of
Illinois because Smith is too common
a name That Smith was no cheap
skate, as the records show, and he adj
mits
Press dispatches say the middle west
is in the grip of a blizzard again. Iti
has been that way most of the winter
Fortunately, southern Arizona hasn't
had the grip this winter
Cuba threatens to cut the sugar sup
ply which the United States has been
getting from the island due to an al
legged short crop. Well, if everybody
else has to cut down the sugar ration,
the United States can share its part.
Good December weather in Arizona
is reflected in the gasoline tax collect
ed for that month which amounted,
according to the superintendent of
motor vehicles in the state, to $164,000. !
That's where an all-year good weather
state enjoys an advantage over the
half-time states, so far as automobile i
operation is concerned.
New York sent 5000 policemen down
to the wharf to meet President Will
liam T. Cosgrave of the Irish free state
when he landed the other day. And
Mayor Jimmy Walker of New York is
Irish, at that. But if Cosgrave looked
the force over. he probably smiled 20
think how we'll some of the Irishmen
that got here before he came had been
getting along. /
-O-----
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Thirty-Day Deposit

Judge-"W What is your occupation?"
Defendant really, judge,
haven't any; just circulate around
so to speak, and
Judge-"Withdrawn from circula-
ton for 80 days. Next case"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
ABE MARTIN

'T'd hate t. see good, useful
felIer like Hoover sacrificed fer
tn presidency, fer 1 can't help
thinkin' o. tn fate o. honest ole
Bib Purviance, who become dry
sleuth. Why call it a crime wave
when it's one of our leadin' insti-
tutionS, an gettin' stronger ever
day?
Copyright John F.. Ollie Co..
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Whv Supervisors Leave Home

"Where do I find this station?"
asked a newcomer to the city different.
The telephone supervisor took the toll
ticket and beheld this: Free Holy
Canyon'-of course, for "Frijole Can
yon."
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
WALTON for Dad

Her Father-"Do you think you can
support my daughter in the way she
has been brought up?"
Her Suitor-"All except her smok-
ing and gambling at bridge and she's
promised to stop both"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
A soldier was being examin

A soldier was being examined by a
surgeon for 3, compound depressed
fracture of the skull. The doctor
placed his finger in the healed de-
preston and while doing SO, asked
the man numerous questions. Finally
he asked: "Are you married?" "No,
sir" was the reply, IT was kicked
there by a mule"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Ride EN- Cowboy,

There was coWpuncher named
Culver
Who punched cattle-yes!-in a fliv-
yer.
He punched em so hard
That he bent mud guard
And bumped half the herd in the
river.
Farm & Fireside.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Books Wouldn't Balance

whats that movie actress raking
"Why he didn't keep his records
straight and now she finds she has
her secretary over the Goals for?"
had two more divorces than we'd
dings"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

"Now," said the school superintend-
ent, "give me definition of space I"
Richard stood up, flustered and red.
'.Spacc-" he replied, "is where there
is nothing-I-I can't explain it ex-
actly but have it in my head all
right"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
More Truth Than Poetry
By JAMES ]. MONTAGUE
A MATTER OF STATISTICS


1t set me thinking quite lot
When recently I read
In some stray publication, what
A noted man had said.
1t filled me with a mild surprise
To see this persons claim,
That married men more often rise
To fortune and to fame.
Lord Bacon said, if I recall
His weighty words Alright,
That married men have always all
The worst of every fight.
Providing for the kids and wife
So bows the WretcheS down.
They lack the time and strength for
strife
For laurels and renown.
This seems to be the saner view;
The bachelor is free
Great, brave heroic deeds to do
BY land or on the sea.
The married men dare not essay
On glory's fields to roam,
He has to go down town each day
And bring the bacon home.
If benedicts more often gain
The haven of success,
While those who do not wed remain
Unhonored, more or less,
If only three in every ten
Unmarried men survive,
There must be far more married men
Than bachelors alive.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
There,s a nifference

Teacher-"John, how old would 6
person be who was born in 1902"
Johnny MAN or woman?"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Transformation Artist

You say your sister makes up jokes,
then she's a humorist."
mo, she works in beauty parlor.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
A Lot Stop at "Gent0

"They say it takes three generations
| to make a gentleman"
"The reason it takes so long, I sup
pose is that most of us only work at
/ it when we're in company
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Smokeup: Did yo' ebah walk five
miles to git some chickens an fin de
hencoop full O. bar trap, spring gun
an dawg?
Whiffem: No. big boy, but All
talked back to fust sarjint once.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

DR.. and Mrs. Lynn j. Tuttle
left New York Saturday by boat
for New Orleans and are expected
to arrive in Douglas the latter
part of this week.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

PLENTY OF SUPPLY
Too bad that last years motor lic-
enses have no resale value
(Capyright, 1928, Bell Syndicate, Inc)
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

w. H. Minshull, manager of the
Gadsden hotel, left yesterday for
Ell Paso for several days stay.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

has the fullest
they have, least,
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
ReantifnI and Dumb

DCduCAu anu OuInU
"And this" said the artist, 'is my
latest frieze"
''How perfectly wonderful" said the
appreciative flapper. "It actually
makes me shiver to look at it."
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Sometimes the trouble at q political
convention happens not because a del
egation is SO solid, but because it's so
dense.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
WORTH I,

WORTH 1T
Somebody points out that it takes
far longer to become a good golfer
than to become good lawyer. But
look at the reputation good golfer
can get!
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
PARDON ME FOR LAUGHING

/ He (muShlIy) Of me, dar-
ling?
She-O, was laughing? I'm so
sorry.-Passing Show.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Mr.. and Mrs. c. D. Parsons, who
have been in Long Beach for sew
eral weeks, are expected home to-
day.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Joe Lefebvre is constructing
large adobe store building in
Pirtleville which he will use for
his mercantile business.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

TRAVEL SUGGESTION
Be regular Democratic delegate
and see the United States
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
BARBS

The city of London is seeking
slogan. We suggest "Now YOU see
it; now you don't"
An Englishwoman says she doesn't
see how the slender women of
America manage to dominate their
husbands so we'll But it always
seemed to us a slender lady could
weep Just as much and as often
as fat one.
A good barber is a bald-headed
man who. sells hair tonic to at
least half his customers.
The only flaw in the Remus pro-
ceedings at Cincinnati will be cor
rected, doubtless, when scn1e one
starts a fund to erect a statue of
him.
The weather in Houston, Texas,
isn't SO balmy in June. and neither
is Kansas City's, but the delegates
Of both parties will not fall down
in this respect
WOMEN are taxing mems place IN
the world, all right, but we haven't
heard any stories yet about the
travelling salesWoman.
The only thing the matter with
our system of criminal punishment
is that convicted persons can't get
their paroles in advance.
Sometimes the trouble at e political
convention happens not because a del.
egation is SO solid, but because it's so
dense.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

The only thing the matter with
our system of criminal punishment
is that convicted persons can't get
their paroles in advance.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Charles Mexican has accepted a
position as timekeeper at the G.
& A. Smelter.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

A good barber is a bald-headed
man who. sells hair tonic to at
least half his customers.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Good December weather in Arizona
is reflected in the gasoline tax collect
ed for that month which amounted,
according to the superintendent of
motor vehicles in the state, to $164000
That's where an all-year good weather
state enjoys an advantage over the
half time states, SO far as automobile
operation is concerned.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Women are taking mems place in
the world, all right, but we haven't
heard any stories yet about the
travelling saleswoman.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
SIXTEEN YEARS AGO

Mrs. Arthur Houle, who has
been i'll at the Calumet hospital,
is much improved.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

New York sent 5000 policemen down
to the wharf to meet President Will
liam T. Cosgrave of the Irish free, state
when he landed the other day. And
Mayor Jimmy Walker of New York is
Irish, at that But if Cosgrave looked
the force over, he probably smiled 20
think how we'll some of the Irishmen
that got here before he came had been
getting along.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

The city of London is seeking
slogan. We suggest "Now you see
it; now you don't"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Cuba threatens to cut the sugar sup
ply which the United States has been
getting from the island, due to an al
legged short crop. Well, if everybody
else has to cut down the sugar ration
the United States can share its part.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

There is a reported discovery of a
revolt in Bolivia. Lindberghs down
that way. why not send him as an
ambassador of peace as well as of good
will and stop the trouble?
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24
Points On The Compass

Headline says: Synthetic gas may
solve gas problem" Well, most any
gin hound will deny that synthetic gin
solved the gin problem.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-24

Press dispatches say the middle west
is in the grip of blizzard again. 1t
has been that way most of the winter
Fortunately, southern Arizona hasn't
had the grip this winter.
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26
"GO WEST, YOUNG MAN,

Charles Terry of Atchison Kansas, said to have
been the young to whom Horace Greeley gave the
excellent advice, go west young man., is still alive
and active a travelling salesman at the age of 92,
according to newspaper reports.
Whether not he is really the person who re-
ceived the advice of the Tribune sage is of small mat
ter the important thing being that Greeley gave the
admonition and that it has played an important part
the historic words. As matter of fact many still
obey the in junction be proved by watching any
transcontinenta artery and noticing the eastern IL
censes on cars bound for the west.
Greeley qualified his saying by applying 1t to
young This particular part of 1t has long since
become ignored, rather construed to apply to those
not so young. And while Greeley may have had in
mind any portion of the country beyond the Miss!s-
sipp when he advised Mr. Terry there is little doubt
that large percentage of those who leave the east
for "The West have California in mind as embracing
the latter.
1t was excellent advice in Greeley's time and It IS
excellent advice today. There is still much to be done
in the West 1t has not by any means been developed
to its fullest 1t holds out to the eastern young
man the same splendid opportunity that it did when
Greeley spoke and it is satisfying to realize that so
many of them aware of the fact.
And for those not young it offers an IDEAL
place to enjoy their declining years under conditions
much more desirable than exist back in the east ana
middle west. visit to almost any portion or Call-
fornia offers proof that the not young ones nave
made tardy use of Greeley's wisdom. A talk with
any of them will reveal that they only regret they dld
not heed it earlier.
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26

Omaha riving
Striblng.
Striblng
Strbng
morning stbngs Sbing
pite his
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26
GRANDFATHER'S EHEUN4TTSN

If, as recently reported eminent physicians meet
ing IN the Midwest divulged the information that
rheumatism is excellent barometer on Y say
that they behind the times or that the information
they lmpart is nothing
We recall dearly beloved grandfather, who
prince of good fellows under ordinary circumstances
- the sort that will get fellow out of whipping,
make willow whistles for him, tell him stories of ad-
venture and be real pal.
But when the pangs of rheumatism came on the
dear grandfather anything but dear. He stormed
and fumed and fretted A cane kept within his reach
developed into budgeon ready to smite lite boy
devils playing havoc with every and muscle.
To approach grandfather then just plumb foolish
ness In fact it wasn't done.
And Invariably, recall it. there were storms
Wnen grandfather was thus afflicted. If it were
summer time the lightning flashed and the thunder
roared If it happened to be winter the wind howed
and the snow came down in steady drive that left the
ground covered for days and weeks.
we have plenty of reason to associate grandfath-
er's rheumatism with storms for the storm without
kept indoors and the storm inside caused by those
rheumatic pains, kept the jump lodging that
and keeping out of sound of that bserng tongue and
rumby voice that altogether different from the
tongue that used to tell the nice Stories the throat
that rumbled out Nancy Lee and Tramp Tramp
Tramp the Boys Are Marching"
AT the first twinges of grandfather's rheumatism,
the appeared and his entire disposition changed
Then it that rubbers, umbrellas, rancoats,
galoShes, overcOats and storm shoes forth, for
bad weather brewing. Grandfather disap-
pointed
The barometer on the porch might go wrong
and predict fair weather when storm in
progress, but grandfather s rheumatism de-
pendable as the old gentleman himself.
ut S going to Storm was household word when
grandfather produced the cane, and he always made
good.
These doctors certainly late with their in
formation, is our comment on report.
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26
Bedtime Stories
BY HOWARD E. GARIS
Copyright, 1928, by Mcclure
Newspaper Syndicate
UNCLE WIGGILY AND THE
BLACK WIGGLER

70 YOU remember how, in the
story before this, told you about
Jackie Bow Wow making S4ueahic
Eckie. the cousin mouse, put her
acnnv in the white bank of snow?
And the cousin mouse, thinNing it
was n savings bank, tossed hcr
penny in and then she sat down to
wait for thc penny to save itself
Up to become forty sixteen pennies,
or even more, as money does in Il
real savings bank. Then Uncle But
ter. the goat, saw Squcakic waiting
in the snow.
"What did YOU say YOU were
waiting for my dear?' bleatcd
Uncle Butter Of the cousin mouse.
"Oh, sumpfin. she said in her
little voice and then along came
Uncle Wiggily, and when Uncle
Butter told the rabbit about
Squcakic the bunny gentleman
said:
"IlI see if can find out what
Squcakie is waiting here for" So
when Uncle Wiggily asked her the
cousin mouse said:
Il put my penny in the white
bank. cause Jackie told me to and
| IN waiting for it to grow into a
lot Of money 50 l can buy bushel
Of lcllypops."
"Oh. dear me- exclaimed Uncle
Wiggily and he knew that Jackie
Lad played a little tricl; on the
cousin mouse. Still MI Longcars
did not want to tell her it was a
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26
Court Defers
VOgel Hearing

Police Judge Kendall +. Perkins
continued \. Nogcl 5 hearing ON a
reckless driving charge In city
court this morning until tomor-
row S session.
John Cikota, - years old, former
Iy employed by the street depart
ment here, was fined so on an in
toxication charge. The fine was sus-
pended on condition of good pc
haViOi.
Twenty-Five dollars lail, Glcd in
police court by Sundar Singh -
years old, who was arrested on an
intoxication and peace disturbance
charge, was forfeited by the de-
fcudant this morning.
NJ T. Krahn, Is years Old. was
fincd $50 or ordered to spend 10
days in Jail ON an mtoXication
charge.
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26

Plan to Attend Junior Chamber
Dec. 1st. adv
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26

wigglcr is, said Uncle Wiggily.
- think ii is the beginning OF an
adventure. SO Jackie ran up ON
.op Of the snow bank and took hold
Of the black wigglcr in his paws and
what do YOU suppose that black
wiggling thing was: Why, it was a
bear who was under the bank of
snow with only his black tail
sticking out and wigging.
No sooner had Jackie taken hold
Of the black, wiggling tail than the
bear, who was also black, turned a
somersault, popped out Of tile snow,
scattering it all over and Jackie
whined:
"Oh, please, Mr.. Bear! Don't
scratch me, Go and scratch that
hickory trcc,' Aud the bear laugh
ed and scratched the hickory tree.
For it was Mr.. -Stubtail, the kind
bear daddy of Ncddie and Bcckie.
Uncle Wiggily had told Mr.. stub
tail to hid under the snow aud
stick his tail out for Wigg.cr for
Jackie to grab. Aud so it al hap
pcned. And after that Jackie play
ed no more tricks on the COUSIN
mouse. SO ii the Aogsc next door
doesn't turn upside down in tn
night and let the chimney slide off
the roof I'll tell you about Uncle
Wiggily 5 b"anikle.
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26

into his own pocket, Uncle Wig
gily pulled out Il lot of pennies. The
goat gentleman did the same. And
they gave al the pennies to
Squcakie Eckic,
"Oh, what lot Of lollypops !
can buy cried Squcakie, and she
did not learn, until some time af-
terward, that it is not right to put
money into Il snow bank.
Now Uncle Wiggily thought it
only proper that something should
be done to jackie Bow Wow to
nsaEe that little puppy dog feel
sorry for having played such trick
on Squeakic Eckie, OF course the
trick came ont all right, but it
would not have done 50 had not
tnclc WiSgily and Uaclc Butter
made it.
.'Ycs, Jackie mus- b. taught "
lesson,' said Mr.. Longears.
So the next day when he saw
Jackie coming home from school,
Uncle Wiggily called to him and
said:
"Jackic, don't You want to come
&dvcnturing with mc?'
"Of course do, Thank youH'
baskcd Jackie politely. Where are
YOU going?'
To the bank said Uncle
Wiggily, not smiling a bit.
"Oh, to-the-bank, " whined
Jackie slowly.
Yes. - said Uncle Wiggily, "thc
Snow bank. | want to see if | can
find penny and then Jackie
knew Uncle WiggiIy had found out
about the trick played on Squcakic
Ecliic. Bat Uncle Wiggily hoped
along, SAYING no more, and Jackie
followed, for he dared not run away,
and, all Of a sudden they reached
a big white bank Of snow. Sticking
out Of the top was something like
u large black thumb, wiggling.
Jackie, 20 see what that black
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26

away down at the bottom, where
it had melted its way, for it was
warm, they found Just thr penny.
Only one penny that Squcakie
Eekic had tossed into the snow, 1t
had not grown into lot of pennies
as the little cousin mouse lad hoped,
Of course. Only in real savings banks
can pennies grow into dollars.
But Uncle Wiggily did not want
TO make the cousin mouse feel un-
happy, so winked again at Uncle
Iutter and then, putting his paw
Imperial Valley press., 1928-11-26
HELP 4 LITTLE

Thanksgiving Day will be little more enjoyable
for those of blessed with good health and prosperity
if we do something to make it brighter for those not
So fortunate.
There are upwards Of 70 persons at the county
farm young and old, who could be made very happy
on Thanksgiving Day with the assistance of the pub.
lie Superintendent Weir has arranged for special
dinner In the MAN, the bulk Of the dinner will be pro-
yided for However fruits nuts and the good things
associated with Thanksgiving dinner can be used
Some of the older folks are in need of clothlng'
and the same applies to the younger ones Under
wear socks, shoes and general clothing can be USED
With winter coming some OF the older 1olkS are
likely to suffer unless they are aided.
Any desiring to help can find out what IS needed
bv communicating with the superintendent.
The Salvation Army can likewise make use OF 1000
and clothing Demands this excellent organization
are heavy and supplies none too plentiful Many
eff us have clothing around the house for which have
no further use. Instead Of destroying it. it can be
turned to advantage by the Salvation Army if it is CIV
en- to them c5
one never has to 60 far from his home door to Ira
a person in need. The words Of the Master, "Ihe
poor We have with we always, still hold good
After Thanksgiving Day comes Congress- we
are lucky TO have the Thanksgiving first
The report that Mr.. Hoover will pay MaSaachuS-
etts visit on the return trip Is probably exaggerated