Evening star., 1928-04-08
BY BEN MCKELWAY.

This bird" said the captain, "al-
ways had egg on his uniform. I don't
object to eggs, but they aren't included
in the regulation equipment of the po-
lice force. Moreover, he'd lire up at
roll call in the morning with his coat
unbuttoned and you'd have thought he
belonged to the House OF David by
the way he let his whiskers grow. l
used TO caution him about 1t and the
others would ride him regular. but 1t
didn't seem to do much good. To have
that fellow walking beat on the pub
lie streets was disgrace to the force.
but that wasn't all Of it. He wouldn't
walk his beat. He never turned In o
call on time and he seemed to think
q policeman's Job was apple, banana
and peanut inspector. The fruit stand
owners would kick to me about it and
say they didn't mind fellow eating a
apple off their stand, but they didn't
see why he had to carry a peck or so
away in his pockets Every week was
apple week with that guy. He wouldn't
turn down an orange, either.
well, I kept sending in reports on
him TO headquarters and when his
years probationary period was UP
turned in peach. said he wasn't fit
to be policeman. said he wasn't fit
to do anything that / could think Of,
unless it was to dig hole and crawl in
1t, I said II we wanted to turn over
Washington to Coxey's Army we might
make O good start by putting this guy
on the force, but II we wanted to keep
the hobos on the road I'd personally
help to buy this fellows one-way ticket
going out.
"They decided at headquarters tc
drop him and he was notified to that
effect. Say, young man, If I'd hired
the Washington Auditorium and in
vited the members of Congress to at
tend. and had stood up on the stage
and told them they were all q bunch
of mugwumps. there wouldn't have
been any more noise He didn't say
anything TO me. remember All he did
to me was to wink and laugh. nasty
like. But he went 1ver to Capitol Hill
and started something They tell me
down at headquarters that it looked
like alumni day at a correspondence
school, the amount of mail that came
in. And as for personal calls you'd
have thought that Maj. Hesse was pour
ing tea at a congressional reception.
wore out q pair of shoes walking
between headquarters and the b alton
house, and when We got through eX-
planning about why we wanted to drop
that guy from the rolls you'd have
thought we'd committed murder CT
something and were hunting for an
alibi We dropped that man. but I'm
almost afraid to read newspaper these
days. When my name gets in the head
lines 1t will be spelled Poisson. and
1t won't be an article telling about
Capt. Poison getting promoted. either
=
Well, that fellow was only on pro-
baton 1t wasn't so hard to get shut
of him. But If he had been on the
force. well, you'd be surprised. You'd
think that II a policeman got drunk
on duty you could fire him. wouldn I
you? Not that I'm in favor of prohi-
bition in every way. think prohibition
has its good points / can take drink
or leave it alone. Why, before profi-
bition came in-but, getting back 70
nv story, you would think that the
police regulations would allow a po-
liceman to get fired If he got drunk
II q policeman gets drunk you can
prefer charges against him and send
him to the trial board. Wen, young
man, you go down and lok through
the records Of the trial board and find
out how many policemen tnere are
on the force today who've been tried
for being drunk. OF course. I believe
in giving man q fair trial and al
that. but there ought to be a rcgula-
ton saying il a policeman gnt drunk
on duty he was through. and through
for good