Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1928-02-05
Gross -Exaggerations

built like a test tube and plus all
o dat he's a drunk What's woise
is when he's geezed he insists on
goin' aroun' swingin' at cops and
taxi-drivers. I'm cartin' him aroun'
one night after hittin' every bar from
Tottenville to Spuyten Deyvil. Around
eleven O'Clock I manage to git him
inside Of beanery. Me beck
amt TONED minute when he falls
face foist into a mocha-tart. knocks
over a stand fulla knives and forks
an ketchup bottles-den heaves a
bowlful of sugar up in de air an
starts singin' Jingle Bells
Den widout a void he dives outa de
door an when I git outside he's
sparrin' of wild plate glass window.
git toehold on his collar an start
yellin' fer cab. But de time 1t gifts
dere I'm hanging on to his empty
coat an he's acroSt de street startin'
TO undress an take a bath in a old
empty horsetrough. I grab him on
me beck. hobby horse. an start run
min an cop after us.
When de cop gifts troo I git some
court plaster an git Franks face
pasted togedder as best could an
fgger to call 1t nights. It's daylight
when We hit his block
"A pretty picture We made in de mornin'
sunlight! De Spirit o. France bearin'
de Wounded Soldier wild a lot o.
people an stenogs on his block goin'
to woik lookin' US over. roll
him into a bed an he insists on me
sleepin' Wild him.
"A flower pot drops on his dome over
de tranSom-
=" OATS Ann for your seq Frank.
Always clownin'!!' Wild dat We hear
q coat rack beginnin' TO batter down
our Notifications. Franks gifts serious.
p" 1t seems" he says. dat I'll have to
take dat woman in hand" So he
sneakily TOMS de key in de lock an
gifts himself all set for a wallop.
"A fine powerful picture he made. r.
Peabody Grubnick. fodder OF tree
children--hism udder's pride an jDy--
Wild nottin' on but understood, tip
toein' on his skinny pins over to de
door to take poke at his wife. He
pulls 1t open suddenly-let's fiy one
wild tab an shuts 1t quick-but he's
SO fast dat he shuts 1t on his own
wrist. BY de time he drags his
an half tumb almost chewed of.
Il hop in a closet an hide In a dress.
When de noise o. de rumpus finally
died down. peep out. Nedder OF
dem wuz TO be seen. Dat place was
sight. It looked like de back room of
a police station. Dere wasn't edge
or a corner or point o. somethin'
dat his bean hadn't bumped.
Chairs was TONED upside down, pil-
lows an tings scattered, de chifYerobes
was dumped over an footsteps w,iz
runnin' straight up de wall In places
where his awful frenzy carried him
trytn' TO get away from de moiderous
vixen Of wife Of his.
Il duck out o de foist window an head
acrost de lots fer subway station.
About noon pull into de ONCE iookin'
IKE somethln' that escaped from
Devils Island. Tree hours or so later
Frank breezes In. nifty an dapper
and easy-goin' but wild his face all
ciawed up over de eyes and aroun'
de forehead.
" Yes, he says. feelin' his dome, dem
duh razors--- But. oh well. wot's
de Use wild guy like him? Besides
I'm gittin' dry talkin': c'mon."
We strolied back TO the stand "Yeh."
Mrs. Crubnick was saying, Dots by
me de honly worry. II mein
Frenkie honly wouldn't eat I'm de zoop
raw peeckles~-I would explode from
happiness
"ls???xX$$!&! Gimme a chucklitt
multed." moaned Mr.. Feitlebaum.