Evening star., 1928-10-14
Home Troup the Tourists

Those who wanted to do everything for
elgn and those who insisted on wearing
straw hats The first class were OBJ
viously the adventurers who avoided
| American bars, hotels where they speak
English land charge francs more a
word for the privilege) and men selling
picture postal cards. The second class
were Just as obviously the gangsters
| (going separately or in gangs, who
bought al! the things on the Rue de
Rivoli for fear they might step off the
pavement and enter four dimensional
French.
The adventurers never talked about
the good old United States Of America.
The gangsters did nothing else. On the
LETT bank in Paris you heard tourists
ekel Inning. These streets are so mar
rorr l couldn't drive my new car
through these streets" In Hildeshein
you heard another tourist complain.
| These streets wind and wind and I
get lost In my home town the streets
are laid out straight" In the Hofbrau
House in Munich you sat and slipped
that divine beer made only by the Hof-
orau House and you heard disgruntled
mutter, I've been all over Munich and
can't run down a real honest to-
SoouleSS ice cream SODA.
Oh, dear: oh, dear. YOU wondered
why ever did they come? So that they
could go back and tell the bows thev
went TO Paris and so give the impress
sion OF being devils in a French home
Town? SO that they could acquire that
ehlng quantity called culture" and not
De known as Just butter and egg men?
lney were so dlstressingly patriotic. so
cOnVlnnnn ho
more than the customary 10 per cent
SO suspicious of prices in everv tinv
Snop. SO yearning for the pies mother
used to make.
men VINO so love their native land
cont break their bankroIls to leave
tnelr native land except at the instance
OF an invincible desire or because thev
are deported to foreign lands where
they found the first families. A parj-
sian never leaves Paris A Scot leaves
Eolnnurgh only to make money from
the simple and trusting English Ever
NsW Yorker feels the tentacles wran-
pea around his heart and pulling him
PACK 10 the fever and unrest of his
Not so the gansters. well" Won ast-
ed them, why not go back and have
your pork and beans?" What" thew
replied, I'm on the cathedral tour and
nave ~ more cathedrals to 60" Eleven
dig catneorals all in row. Count EN-.
Hardly so the adventurer. the genuine
tourist With passion for foreign lands
ana foreign customs, even though he
too nad no desire to live anywhere ex-
cept In the United States. He went tn
germany and talked fluent German
me waiter laughed and answered him
IN English He bacame highly wrought
up and said he came here to talk Ger
man. The waiter assured him that he
loved TO talk English. So the tourist
TAXED German and the waiter answered
nm In English and every one was
happy '
All Europe a Play.
10 This adventIrer all Ellrope was
play and he was the only spectator
he sat for hours in a cafe and listened
70 the talk. He Joined In the songs
sung by every one waving beer rugs
In the air. He sneaked about and
made himself inconspicuous so that he
could see Europe at work and plav
europe was his happy hunting ground,
and he bagged his victims one by one
oy hoping to heaven they would not
notice him in the cafe or the street,
and SO go on being themselves.
When ne saw a sign English spoken
and American understood he leaped
into taxi, flew to the other side of
Paris, iabbered French with his irreg-
ular verbs even more irregular and
knew himself blissfully serene. They
tried to sell him American newspapers
as he slipped a liqueur at the Cafe de
la Paix You couldn't fool them. II
know you" they seemed to say.
Come out from under that American
hat" But he turned a cold and fishv
eye upon all who treated him as an
American. He wanted to be one Of
the folks. He had his wish by going
where they did not speak English and
did not understand American. He
went to cafe and played dolninoes
with Frenchman or billiards with a
German He sat at peace ": pub
where the English seemed to have a
I grand time never saying anything to
one another. He never visited cathe-
drals
Go on New Voyages.
Now and then the tourist adventurer
met another tourist adventurer, almost
anywhere, and recognized MIN at a
/ glance. They Joined forces and had
the time of their lives They embarked
on new voyages and descended sud-
denly at towns because they liked the
| name hung in the railroad station
They counted the number of towns in
England named Bovril. They found
town where they could not cash a
! check Except at the bank) because the
hotel man had never heard of the
company backing ones checks. That was
the supreme moment Of their Summer.
! But now and then the tourist ed
venturer chanced upon the gang. He
saw them carrying their Baedekcrs in
their sagging pockets. He saw them
reading aloud from Baedekers as they
walked along the street. In revenge he
absconded with Defense d'aficher"
! sign and hung 1t on the outside OF his
railroad carriage He was the despair
/ OF careful European railroad conductors
/ because he descended at every station
| for fear he might miss something
The dream fades. The Summer is
/ over and done. Gangsters and advcn-
| turers are home and glad to be home.
! but already they are counting the
@onths until next Summer.