Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1928-01-27

THIS a. m.
I arose at my intellectual sanitarium
WITH a pain in the region Of my right
pelvic cavity
80 I went down to the corner grocery
and consulted the proprietor.
PRACTICALLY every important question
is solved down there. so why not prob
lens Of physical discomfort?
THIS is not only an age Of speciality
it is also an age Of universal surgical
and medical knowledge.
THE street car conductor knows how to
cure neuralgia,
AND the policeman on our street can
cure diabetes with a prescription he
got from an Indian doctor.
1 don't know a person in the range OF
my acquaintance who hasn't at some
time or other snatched some u from
the Jaws of death and cheated the
UNDERTAKEN at the eleventh hour.
so far as I can ascertain, I am the last
living survivor Of that rare type OF
human who hasn't had a knife poked
into him by a surgeon.
ONCE I had a knife stuck into me but
that was a personal and not a surgical
affair and is an entirely different story.
ANYWAY we buried that Mexican and
talked to him after.
AFTER an hour in that corner grocery,
I came away feeling like an Ishmaelite.
Ishmaelite.
I am an uncut human diamond, as it
were
AND I don't know how I have survived
it.
THE popular pastime of showing scars
ranks, today, next to golf and bridge
with all the rest Of humanity,
BUT it is denied to me. AT times the
humiliation is greater than can bear
"HAvE it out" said the grocer. who
didn't sell epson salts.
WHAT out?" said I innocently.
YOUR appendix" says he. "Everybody's
doing it.
BETTER drop over to the hospital and
get an appointment. You ought to be
ashamed goin' around with a vermi-
form appendix and
LOOK here" says 1. Don't you get to
calling my appendix names. Its mine
and / propose to keep it. I've carried
it around like a lucky pocket piece for
nigh onto so years"
you poor barracuda" says he, only
old fogies have appendices nowadays.
Why, you can't hardly find a book now
that's got an appendix.
"SHOW me a prominent person nova
days, with an appendix. There ought
to be a law passed against people wear
ing their appendix"
H glowed proudly. II was amongst the
first in this town to have his appendix
out. In fact, I can be looked upon as
an appendix pioneer"
WHEN persons get to talking about their
operations, they get kind of nthusi-
astic and you feel mighty cheap, can
tell you.
my wife's been operated on twice." says
he, "and just as soon as we get a little
ahead again we're both going to have
another"
WHATS wrong with you both?" says 1.
"OH, nothing special says he. "at least
we haven't decided on just what it'll
be this time until we get looked over"
YES. folks ought to be operated on reg
ular," said the truck driver. They told
me ! had the largest appendix taken
out that year.
81 was going to buy an automobile but
that's just wasting money. I'm saving
now for a nice gallstones operation.
They amt very many people had gall
stones operations. Appendix operations
are as common as Fords nowadays"
"YOU folks don't know much about
surgery" said the mail man as he laid
down some letters. Very few people
have had my experiences. Appendix,
goitre n mastoid abcess. I was three
months in the hospital"
THE grocer and the truck driver looked
pretty cheap. 1t tickled me stiff.
"YOU see very few people who have really
had major operations like me-" he
rubbed 1t In. THE hospital gave me
club rates. 1t was a sort OF quantity
price. The whole three for $3.50. You