Evening star., 1928-05-27

nEREApS the most oespicable Gre
I at1re on earth, when all is said
and done. is the modern theater usher
So imperfect is he, IN fact, that many
have serious doubts that he has even
intelligence or any OF the virtues that
proceed therefrom. In fact, II his
severeSt critics were permitted TO ex-
press themselves precisely as they feel
about the subject. it is doubtful II the
languages Of the earth would be ade-
custe to supply fitting description OF
him. or II that were possible. that the
criticism would be printable In family
newspaper.
Moreover, the usher feels his own
sbasement. He is plainly conscious OF
his shortcomings. But being human
10 q limited extent, he audaciously de-
fends himself
Prom the ranks OF he gendarmes de
theatre of the imposing Fox Theater
Of this city. In q screed carefully framed
. IN paragraphs, with all manner OF
punctuation marks and In the freest
English, too free. indeed. TO permit its
fun presentation here, has come to
The Star the usher's comeback at his
public. II contains many points OF in
terest, a few of which are here noted
The greatest dream Of US all. and
perhaps the greatest laugh. declares
the Young writer, lis the theater that
every usher hopes to build and operate
some day without regard TO the rleas-
ure Of the public.
This theater would be one with
center seats only. and they would al
be the right distance from the screen,
neither TOO near, nor TOO far back. and
best Of all seats that would never all be
occupied.
sa-rne purpose Of this would be to
rernedv the everlasting cry that You
can never get q decent seat, no matter
when vou come in this bum house. $
II would also obyiate the complaint, to
some extent. that the people who oc-
cupy the choice seats are friends Of the
MANAGEMENT and that they never va
cate them.
Each seat would be equipped with
both long distance and near sighted
Ior1rettes and with the very latest de.
vice 70 aid those VINO never can hear
no matter where they sit. II IL were
possible, the seats would be adjusted
70 button n-n1oving t.olieys, all gathered
Al the entrance 50 that when q Gus
toner came in all he would have 70 Dc
would be 10 git down. and touch oi
the button would at once shoot him
10 the desired location. without the
necessity Of waking there.
Each seat would be an end seat, 81
that nobody would ever have 10 move
up
''Tae programs printed for the pub.
lic guidance would contain, on the
very first pages, suggestions for eyerj
kick known against theater. its type
= Of entertainment. It's featured acts and
Us best actors. with a number directed
against general conditions, including
the people in the audience, the TEN.
peratuTe Of the theateF the light 0l
the darkness, the orchestra and It's IN.
dlYidual instruments and players ant
the management generally Zach pro
gram would contain blank pages upor
which might BE- written opinions Of TN
tSesteF, its entertainment and every
thing else 50 perforated that the!
might be easily detached and deposite,
on going out In a handy receptacle
from which they might be al onci
taken and quickly dispatched 10 tn
daily newspaper II they were no
published on the first page and in
prominent location the writer's couli
withdraw their subscriptions and thu
punish the newspaper publishers.
serheYe would be no uS1eFs IN Oh