Evening star., 1928-04-12


"Eh, OH Ehl" exclaimed Benjamin
Franklin. with the pain OF the gout.
what have I done to merit these sut-
MANY things" the Gout astonishing
ly replied. "You have eaten and drunk
too freely, and too much indulged those
legs of yours in their Incidence"
who is Il that accuses me?"
"rt is /, even 1. the Gout."
''what! My enemy in perSon?"
''No, not your enemy"
81 repeat tiny enemy. For you
i. would not only torment my body to
death. but ruin my good name: you re-
proach me as q glutton and tippler,
now all the world that knows me will
allow that am neither the one nor the
other"
The world may think as 1t pleaSeS. :"
said the Gout. 1T is always very COM
plsiSant with Itself. and sometimes with
its friends But I very well know the
quantity OF meat and drink proper for
q man who takes o reasonable degree
OF exercise would be too much for an
other. who never takes any
II take-Ehl Oh!-aS much exercise
--Ehl--aS ! can, Madam Gout" pro-
tested Franklin. You know my Seden-
tary state, and on that account, it would
seem, Madam Gout as If you might
spare me little, seeing II Is not al
together my own fault"
Not a lot. Your rhetoric and your
politeneSs are thrown away; your apol-
ogy avails nothing. II your situation in
life is a secentary one, your amuSe-
mentS, your recreationS at least should
be active. You ought TO walk or ride;
or. il the weather prevents that, play at
billiards.
But let us examine your course of
life While the mornings are long and
you have leisure to go abroad, what do
YOU do? Why, instead of gaining an
appetite for breakfast by exercise, you
ariuSe yourself with books or newSpa-
pers. which commonly are not worth the
reading. Yet you eat an inordinate
breakfast. Immediately afterward you
sit down to write at your desk, or con-
verse with persons who apply to YOU on
business. Thus the time passes, and
similarly for luncheon and supper, with
out any kind of bodily exercise"
"Ohl Eh, oh" exclaimed Franklin.
with the pain. "AS much instruction as
you wish Madam Gout. and as many
reproacheS, but pray. madam, truce
with your correcting twingeS.
mo. sir, no. / will not abate par
ticle Of what is so much for your good
therefore"
'Ohl Ehhh! It is not fair to say
I take no exercise when I do very
often. going out TO dine and returning
IN my carriage"
THAT" said the Gout, "of all i'm
aginabie exercises. is the most slight
and insignificant. If you allude TO the
motion OF carriage suspended on
springs"
you grow very tiresome," said
Franklin
II viii be silent and continue my
office-take that and that"
"Oh! OH Talk on, / pray you,"
said Franklin.
mo, no. I have q good number Of
twinges for you tonight, and you may
be sure Of some more tomorrow"
what. with such feverl ] shall
50 distracted. OH Ehi How can
you so cruelty sport with my torments?"
sport! am very serious. have
here list Of offenses against your own
health distinctly written, and can jus
tzfy every stroke inflicted on YOU"
Read 1t then.
''Is Is too long a detail" said the
Gout. But viii briefly mention some
particulars
Proceed. I am all attention" said
Franklin.
do you remember how often YOU
have promised yourself. the following
morning, walk in the grove or In
your own garden. and have violated
the promise. alleging At one time IL was
too cold. az another too warm, too
windy. too moist, or what else you
pleased when "a truth 1t was nothing
but your love Of ease2"
That confess may have happened
occasionally, probably 10 times In q
year"
Your confession is very far short Of
the truth" said the Gout. 'The gross
amount Is I09 tines"
rs It posSible7"
So possible that It il q fact. You
may rely On the accuracy Of my state
nlent"
Il am convinced now Of the Just
ness OF Poor Richards remark that
Our debts and our sins are always
greater than we think for"
50 il Is" said the Gout You phi
loSopherE are sages in your maxin1s and
fools IN your conduct.
But. DO you charge, among my
crimes. returning 70 the house in car
fiage from a short visit?"
Certainly, for having been seated
al the while, YOU cannot object 70
fatigue and cannot want therefore the
relief Of q carriage"
What, then. would you have me do
with my carTtage2"
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