davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1928-09-30
)r Dispenses Justice and Studies Life in City Jungle

in hearing of all these eloquent words,
His Honor relents. Jerry would have
another chance to bathe in the bright
sunlight, like all free men who don't
get intoxicated.
And Jerry comes out, so elated, SO
happy, so indebted to the lady advocate
who pleaded his cause; he is almost
overcome and choked by the emotion
that surges through his throat.
Prom now on-no Barleycorn fol
me-" he says, extending his arm
through wide arc. no moreover"
Make a final resolution, jerry" says
his best friend, the lady advocate.
Jerry leaves, a sober man.
OVER the week end, many things
~ happen. People are killed, soma
are injured and some stabbed. Others
are driven to intoxication. On this
week end, Jerry finds himself abroad
in the city. moving at an uncertain.
but rapid pace; going somewhere. The
sky, 1t seems, Is an awning, with al
the vivid colors of Summer rainbow
Jerry sees funny people all around
people wearing shoes instead of hats
The women wear canes and the gentle
men, ho!-they wear up stick and
rouge. This must be Damascus. or
maybe a scene from the Arabian
Nights" construes Jerry.
But now the bus is in front Of
police station, and the passengers sc
two braWny bluecoats walk in am
pick Jerry from the seat where he i
sprawling like an octopus.
isn't this the same guy brought l.
here last Wednesday," asks the pre-
cinct clerk
"I1l be swiggled out of my hide
doggone If it amt" reply the blue
coats.
A word about the people in tn
court grandstand. They are of man
colors. and are known by many repu
tations. Some have been th~e once
others, 80 times once. Some CONS
just to hear His Honor speak the law
and others to witness the ignomiNy OF
their neighbors.
Only when His Honor laughs is ths
grandstand allowed to indulge in mer-
riment. Joy and sorrow flow out OF
the same cup, and the grandstand is
won't to laugh when His Honor takes
case most seriously. Then the wrath
of His Honor shows itself and the
bailiff rushes to his assistance with
Silence in the court!"
One day a deaf man was brought
before His Honor, charged with intoxi-
cation on the streets. 1t was the first
time the culprit had ever come before
the court, and he stated his case in a
plaintive voice that excited the COM
miseration of all who heard.
His Honor didn't believe the man
merited hard words of reproof, he
| looked so naive.
Suspended Sentence!"
"What?" said the deaf man.
The grandstand roared.
"Tell the man in his GEAR" His Honor
! instructed clerk.
! His Honor says To-day sentence
Evening star., 1928-09-30

bitter elegantiarum' to know that the
defendants were we'll within their rights
in resisting unlawful arrest.
THE plaintiff, gentlemen, was not
armed with a warrant. He invaded
these mems constitutional privacy. This
case already is cause celebre' and
the citizenry looks to you, gentlemen. as
capable of rendering a decision that
will assure law-abiding citizens OF their
immunity to insult and suspicion.
Reading this address, it is easy to un-
derstand why His Honor and gentle
men of the Jury were impressed. Por-
tia had a way of giving the court an
insight and cross-section of any case.
She would give the public'S viewpoint.
and sprinkle her speeches with the salt
and pepper of we'll chosen quotations.
Indeed. were 1t known how many pun
gent phrases she carried about on her
fingers tips. she might be nominated
to succeed the eminent Mr.. Bartlett
as compiler of an international book
on apothegms.
TODAY, His Honor looks vexed. For
the thirty-fourth time in eight years
Jerry has appeared before the court
and each time accused of the same
charge-intoxication.
This looks like an incorrigible,
ventures His Honor.
"Your first sentence, eight years ago,
was tor 10 days, wasn't it, Jerry?"
And then you promised to keep away
from liquor for the rest OF your life, Ell?
Didn't you?"
"Yes, SIR
"And your last sentence two months
ago was for 180 days, but your sentence
was commuted on good behavior"
That's right, Your Honor.
"But couldn't help it, Your Honor;
wasn't my fault this time. You see, /
was walking sober down the Avenue
and some fellows asked me wouldn't ]
90 with them to play horseshoes.
But they didn't play the game, Your
Honor. They played the speakeasies
and won out every time. didn't have
a chance. They took me to place
and gave me some kind of drink that
must have been poison-poison. They
took money out of my pocket. But I'm
still sick because I have some OF the
poison in my system"
"All right. Take six months vaca-
ton" says Your Honor, land get some
of that poison out of your system. And
If you want more treatments Come
back"
And Jerry is escorted behind the
scenes, where he meets the prison bars
If they were made of spaghetti, he
tells the jailer, instead Of iron, ne
might have enough energy to make his
way out by night. But instead Jerry
makes use of the pen-the mighty
! mighty pen, by which kings abdicate
and war is declared. Jerry writes his
heart to lady lawyer, saying:
'I've had my lesson. Just see what
YOU can do to get the judge to give me
another chance.
Tell all the boys who see the sun
light that John Barleycorn is wicked
Evening star., 1928-09-30
UNDER AN ELEPHANTS FEET.

saddle his spur CALLED the pony's flank,
and the elephant screaming over him at
the same moment, he made conyuls1ve
effort and freed himself. That deposit
ed him in a sitting position Immediately
in front of the uplifted forefoot Of the
charging bull.
So near was it that the hunter me-
chanically opened his knees to allow
the beast to put the foot down. and
throwing himself back, crossed his
hands upon his chest, obstinately puf1ing
himself out with the insane idea OF try
ing to resist the giant tread. He saw
the burly brute from chest to tan as
he passed directly over him lengthwise,
one foot between the mans knees and
one IA inches beyond his head, and not
a Craze! Five tons at least!
OF all his narrow escapes this is the
only one that remained with the Briton
in recollection for any time. One hears
Of Nightmares. Well. for month OF
two this man had night elephants.
Evening star., 1928-09-30
The Rapacious Pike.

THE pixies reputation for cruelty and
voraciousness is such that it has
been populariy dubbed the water
wolf" 1t is probable. however, that
many species of sea fish are equally, If
not a great deal more, rapacious.
Large dogfish, congers, pollack. cod
and bass are especially ferocious, while
halibut will very often seize and kill
other large fish. An English angler
was playing" a large conger when a
huge halibut swan up to and sayagely
bit at it-a proceeding that cost the
halibut its life, for on its making for
the wounded conger a second time the
boatman contrived to gad and haul 1t
aboard.
There have been many examples of
pike being found dead, choked by their
own species, and these fish not infre-
Quently attack another pike that has
been hooked by . fisherman.
Evening star., 1928-09-30

n Tread in the papers, and back
wv here in New York there is an
awful lot of papers to read.
But they are mostly pictures
New York newspapers don't have re-
rorters, all they have is photographers.
Everything is done by pictures They
wouldent give a dime for the biggest
story in the world If there was no pic
lures with it. for it would be no good
for their people couldent read it. So l
sure have read lot of pictures since
I been back here.
What they cant read in the picture
why they hear over the radio, so there
is no use knowing how to read read
ing any more. There must be kind
of a gentlemans agreement between
Smith and Hoover. They have divided
up the air SO that Smith has it Mon
days Wednesdays and Fridays, and Hoo
yer Tuesdays, Thursdays and Satur-
DAYS, and you would think "Well that
gives us Sundays without having to lis
ten to any politics." But don't you be-
lieve it, that's when you get more Poll
tics than all the rest of the week COM
bined- That's when the Preachers start
lectioneering. They all start out by
saying, THE Church should not enter
into Politics, BUT" then they try to
show how in their case 1t is different,
that they are not entering politics, they
are Just advising, that people are so
fllghty nowadays that if they are not
advised properly why they are so apt
to be led astray by the opposition.
Smith started out couple of weeks
ago end made wh7t l bet he thought
was trip around the World. l bet
he had no more idea this country was
that big or he would never had the
nerve to say he would try and govern it.
He hit Omaha first He made a Farm
Relief speech there. The poor farmers
have had more oratorical relief Than
monetary.
Smith brought out one pretty clever
Evening star., 1928-09-30

MY names Nike" said the man
wrongly accused.
WAS it Pat or Mike?" asks the
judge.
Il know Pat" cries Nick, pointing
again at Mike
Bring in the witnesses"
Two witnesses took the stand, and
in the interim the positions of Pat and
Mike were reversed.
Now" repeated His Honor, (which
one of these men assaulted Nick?"
Pat" echoed the witness, pointing
out Mike.
Even the bailiff was thrown into a
paroxysm of laughter
Dismissed" His Honor orders.
"A fine case. judge-fine case.
wonder if I can sue Nick for $500 dam.
ages?" said Mike. You know, Judge
he had me arrested on false pretenses.
X X X
ERIC, man of the northland, camt
- to the city about the time of th'
year when the Potomac embankmen
blazes forth in the pink brilliance n
japanese cherry blossoms. He like
the city and its clean avenues. 1t wa!
long enough and broad enough for hin
to stretch his legs on Sundays withou
having to retrace his heel prints. Fo
he was a great big, tall, blond man
Evening star., 1928-09-30
Rogers Is Mystified by Politics
Humorist Displays Interest in Farm Situa-
tion and Offers Some Observations on
Traditional Politics as Exemplihed
In Campaign.
IN Campaign.

thing in that speech, that was showing
that the Republican Farm relief plank
was exactly the same in the 1924 Con-
vention and in the 1928.
But the old Farmer up North. he will
go right to the polls on November sixth
and vote the Republican ticket, and the
old farmer down south will go and
vote the Democratic ticket. Now will
you tell me why in the Lords name
those two should not be on the same
side politically? What does the farm
er in the North want that the Repub-
lican Farty can give him, that his
Democrats can give him? Why aint
they on the same side? They both
raise corn and oats, they both have
to buy wagons and plows. They both
want to sell what they raise for as
much as they can get for it, and buy
the same things for as little as they can
Now 1 don't know if they should be Ee-
publicans, or Democrats, but it does look
like they should be on the same side.
The only reason can see is they
fought against each other in '65, so that
made one Democrat and one Re-
publican So if they still harbor that
feeling then there is no reason why
they should get relief. When they cant
agree among themselves how do they
ever expect to get anything? So I don't
blame the Partys from not helping
them.
Now here is the southern farmer
lined up with Tammany Hall. Now
what have Tammany hall and ANY
Farmer got in common? Then here
is the Northern Farmer lined up with
Wall Street and big business. Now why
should they be together? The Farmer
don't want to borrow any more money
Borrowing is what put him in the hole
he is in today. The Government was
always figuring out where he could
borrow more. But they never figured
out where he could pay something
back Now there is a real reason why
farmers or country people should be
in one political party and City people
Evening star., 1928-09-30

friend. Nobody can pal with him.
Nobody can be a success with John
Barleycorn around. He's mean and
treacherous.
please plead my cause.
The good Portia brings the matter
before His Honor, but His Honor feels
ill disposed to commute any more SEN
tenceS or to suspend.
Justice must prevail" he says. And
Justice has been unjust to that fellow.
Would you have me violate my oath
of office?"
But Portia is persistent, as well as
energetic. With her the quality OF
mercy
"Blesseth him that gives and him
that takes:
'Tis mightiest in the nightiest; 1t
becomes
The throned monarch better than his
crown;
His scepter shows the force Of tenn
poral power,
The attribute to awe and majesty,
Wherein doth sit the dread and fear
of kings;
But mercy is above this sceptered
sway
It is enthroned in the heart of kings"
Under pressure Of all this persuasion,
Evening star., 1928-09-30

GELOUS, the great English hunter OF
big game. while on an elephant hunt
in Africa, nearly lost his life. An ele-
phant was close to him. There was no
time to wait If the hunter was to get
a shot. The beast was on the move,
and the dust flew from his side as the
heavy bullet struck him.
Screaming angrily, he turned full In
the direction of the tree by which the
Englishman stood, motionleSs; for q
moment they confronted each other, and
then the rumbling note of alarm sound
ed by his companions decided the ele-
phant that he would join them. The
hunter regained the path and rode along
the line of the beasts retreat, which, as
shown by the yielding brush. was par
allel to 1t. After a time the thorns
thinned out, and Selous caught sight
of the wounded elephant, holding a
course of his own little to the left of
his fellows, and when he entered the
tropical forest beyond, the hunter was
in his wake.
A little more than the usual amount
of noise from the pursuers caused the
pursued to stop, and while clinging like
Gilpin to the horse and peering at the
broad stern of the chase. The Briton saw
him suddenly put his head where his
tail ought to have been. The trunk
was tightly coiled. Forward tapped the
huge ears, up went the tail. and down
he came like gigantic bat 10 feet
across.
Pinned above and on each side, by
dismounting the Englishman could
hope neither to escape nor to kill his op-
ponent. He therefore Rugged his un-
fortunate animal round and urged him
along. The elephant thundered straight
through obstacles which they were
obliged to go around, and in so yards
they were fast in a thick bush. and
the animal was within Is feet of the
man and his party.
AS a last chance the hunter tried to
get off, but in rolling around In his
Evening star., 1928-09-30

telling that, and next morning she was
gonna write a letter home tellin' the
folks how she was able to send the
money so quick after they wanted it.
But, judge, she didn't send the
money home, I know, cause next day
she bought herself whole new outfit
snake shoes, bow and arrow stockings
and red bonnet-the same one what
she's wearin' here now.
Nov she tells me. Judge, that
never gave her the money for loan
she doesn't know anything about loans
And there amt nobody to prove the
loan but what say here.
Its according what the law calls
false pretenses, judge-and by my legal
rights l amt supposed to stand for 1t.
Nobody is supposed to stand for
false pretense, are they, judge?"
That's right" commented His Honor
Nobody
And Eric's testimony was ended. Rita
assumed the stand, her dark skin flush
ed beneath the red bonnet which Eric
said came from the savings he had lent
her.
ITS not so what he says, Judge If
Evening star., 1928-09-30

| court?" His Honor asks Peter the Great.
Why. er-er-"
IF I keep him out of your back
yard-will that satisfy you?"
Peter mods.
wen. keep out of this mans yard, -
His Honor warns the man IN royal
color. Don't let him find you there
again Or" A heavy ordeal was sus-
pended at the end of that unbroken
sentence.
Peter the Great shrugs his shoulders
and struts out of the witness box,
thrilled to the marrow over his VIC
tory. Henry the Handsome passes out
bv the other aisle. looking about the
room like a sightseer.
"Ffuh!" Peter comments to his wife
as the couple leaves. I'VE won't have
any more fencing exercises in our back
yard no more"
His Honor now feels disposed to lis
| ten to Agn.S and Rosie.
Rosie. when you talk to me tell me
all-all of it-every bit, now: All Of
| it, Rosie!" he warns.
"Yes. Judge. will" answers Rosie,
| her answer leaking from two shapely,
crimson lips. Agnes seems inarticulate
as we'll as indisposed.
A policeman testifles:
May it please Your Honor, when we
meaning Jake and I-broke into the
| house we saw these two ladies there.
! Dice scattered all over the floor, Your
| Honor. and corn liquor empty and full
bottles every place
Rosie and Agnes were aghast on
hearins this startling revelation. They
open their mouths wide and gulp the
courtroom air in gasps.
Il objective obiect-Judge-" the
| culprits sound off.
"On what ground?" demands HIS
Honor.
Amy ground" bursts forth Agnes.
Tell me-" said His Honor, pointing
at Rosie, what we're you doing at a
place like that? I ask you, what would
young ladies be doing there?"
who? Us, judge? We wasn't doing
anything there. We only live there
that's all"
-"Five dollars!" thunders His Honor,
dismissing Agnes and Rosie.
**
HERE are Pat and Mike, born in
Dublin about SO years ago In Ire
land they had known the layout of
every potato patch within five miles of
their fathers thatched cottage. But that
matters little.
What matters most is that Mike and
Fat are twins Such perfect twins
never sailed from Old Erin. When
Mike clipped his ear with a razor, while
shaving one morning, Pat felt deep
concern, because it tended to destroy
their twinship. So Pat asked Mike to
perform a minor operation or his ear
in order that the scars might look
exactly alike.
But in court Pat is charged with
brutal assault by Nick, the fruit vender
Which of these men assaulted you?"
His Honor asks the plaintiff
Pat" Nick said, pointing directly at
Mike.
Evening star., 1928-09-30

standing more than six feet above the
pavements. His skin was of milky
| tint, white with streaks of vivid red.
His hair long and silky.
All week long his broad shoulders
performed the heavy labor SO abun-
dant around machine ships. The pay
was low. Eric didn't care. 1t was
enough for his room and board, to I'LL
| his pipe with choice plug cut and pay
his way to an occasional theater.
Eric was whistling life to the tune OF
Just Another Day Wasted Away when
his eyes beheld Rita. 1t was in the
hash house where Eric came on Sun
days to feast on 50-cent chicken din
ner Rita served him the chicken.
She was buxom and agile. She could
iuggle more combination plate dinners
on one arm than the ordinary waitress
could carry on two. Her face was
lighted by two rows of even white teeth
and glitterlng eyes, The swish of her
starched apron blended with the sip
ping of soup. Her complexion was
burnt olive, such as comes from living a
lifetime in the torrid sun. Her hair was
glossy and black as sable. Her blood
was thick, but not sluggish to rise.
Before many Sundays had come to
pass, all preliminary introductions had
been gone over and the couple were to
be seen walking hand in hand down
the F street promenade, or waiting to
be lifted to the top of the Washington
Monument for the nth time.
These work-torn souls drifted to-
gether down the stream of life for six
months. The great city bore them
along without giving signs of ennui or
evidence of clash. Seemingly all
went we'll with the blond giant and his
olive-skinned inamorata.
Yet. here, today-Rita and Eric are
in court, standing before His Honor as
plaintiff and defendant Eric, big
Eric. the man whose legs could yawn
the length of Washington on a single
Sunday morning, was the plaintiff. He
charged Rita with taking money under
was the amount taken, Eric stated in
his bill.
5fSWEAR the witness" commands His
~ Honor.
Eric is sworn. He takes the stand
and faces steely eyes directed from the
dais.
"All right, Eric" says His Honor. -
"She was my GAL" the plaintiff said.
My gal until she borrowed money un-
der unlegal pretense."
Yes"
And everything was happy. used
to tip her when she served me in the
restaurant every Sunday But she
wasn't satisfied, judge Wasn't satis-
fed at that. She said she needed
loan-because her folks in Georgia
needed it. And would give it to her
like good fellow.
And 1 says to her, Rita my salary
amt so big that can make big, fancy
loans, but if you need it for your folks
back home, then all l got is for you.
Twenty-Five dollars, and I'll bring it to
your roomin' house
And she says l was a dear thing for
Evening star., 1928-09-30

you please. He don't know any more
about loan than I do, because there
never was any,"
You never took $25 from this man
as loan?"
mo, judge, never"
"Well--'
"Erics thinking about other expendi-
lures he made. OF course, they were
for me. But l didn't ask him. He's
talking about the money he spent on
shows and bus rides and candy"
Has he spent that much?"
Yes, in six months, believe he did" ;"
case is dismissed" said His Honor.
And after this, young man. count your
change before you leave home and after
you arrive"
For his decision Rita deigned to smile
at His Honor. He was wise man, she
told herself.
And Eric issued out into the street
in a disconsolate state of mind He
was greeted by smiling sun. Every
body on the street looked happy. No
cares, no woes Well, why not he?
That was the question he asked him.
self,
Evening star., 1928-09-30
BY DON GLASSMAN.
HIRTY days In the Bastille!

THIRTY days in the Bastille!
The price of being found In.
toXicated> on Pennsylvania ave.
Il nue.. The culprit swallows the
sentence with less ease than itc
cid the last drink, while His Honor DIS.
plays his high regard for constitutional
amendments by lubricating his parched
throat with glass of water.
Next" whispers His Honor to thc
clerk.
Call in Tobias Swiffeldoofer.
Tobias enters through the side wing
After a night on a steel bed his limi's
are stiff and his tired eyes are CLASSY.
'"roDlas! step lively! You're
charged with being drunk the clerks
crisp voice cracks out. What do you
plead?"
Guilty. 1 guess-guilty," Tobias says
In an undertone.
What were you drinking?"
"Corn, Yer Honor; that's what they
told me it was"
what was your last sentence?"
"Ten days"
"Take 30 this time"
Monday is always blue in the Ponce
Court. Week end revelries always end
there: and the parties on the avenue,
the speakeasy conferences, the PACK
ward souabbles and street battles OF the
century His Honor takes his seat
with unusual agility and wipes his eye
glasses clean as natural quartz crystals.
On Mondays His Honor takes his
solemn oath of Office more seriously
than ever. because Monday is the har-
binger. He tempers Monday justice
with more than ordinary mercy, per-
haps. because only the day before His
Honor has been to church and lent
ears to exalted words that tell OF kindly
deeds and reward those who seek truth
and pity their neighbors.
Yes. on Mondays His Honor is dis
posed to listen and be most lenient.
Now there stands before him man
in appearance somewhat broken. he
is unshaven. uncouth.
Drunk on the street., the charge
reads.
what do you plead?" demands the
clerk.
Probation, Your Honor"
"You were drunk?"
mo, sir. not drunk. Just had a
couple of drinks"
when we're you here last?"
"Me? Never-nevert'
eff I let YOU go this time will you
keep away from the stuff forever?"
Honest I will"
personal bond" says His Honor.
concluding the case.
* X
NOV look for an instant at the face
of Henry the Handsome. Only
yesterday he lived up to his name
but now he wears the color of king
royal purple. His eyes are purple, his
nose is purple. Plainly. some hard OBJ
ject has interfered with his handsome
ness.
Handsome Henry can't explain how
It happened. His mouth won't open,
Evening star., 1928-09-30
WHY DON'T THESE FARMERS GET TOGETHER?

crazy to dope out really what does
divide the two. Outside of one being
in and wanting to stay in, and the
other being out and wanting to get in
Prohibition cant be the diy ding line
for it is so arranged that both sides
get all that they want. Prosperity done
divide the two parties for under either
administration the poor get poorer ana
the rich get richer Prosperity. is only
it. So the whole things it looks like
goes back to the Civil war The Boys
are still fighting it and don't know 1t.
(Ccpyright, i92s.l