Evening star., 1928-12-23
"Graharn

w YHEN man is hit with fuzzy
idea with a lot of loose raw
wv elings on it, he makes dive
for one of three places
Hollywood, a newspaper Of
flee or a radio broadcasting station.
Sometimes 1 think we get more than
our share. The program director
needn't worry about my ever trying to
steal his job Old Vox Populi himself,
whiskers, congress CATERS and all, is
camping right on our doorstep.
Inventors-the kind who are being
shadowed by detectives of the steel
trust, trying to steal their plans-ham
actors, busted tenors with the string
halt in the high notes. food cranks,
prophets of the millennial dawn. swamis,
deep breathers, the gypper and the gyp-
ped, Demarest medal winners, high
divers, people who know who killed
Arnold Rothstein, slick racketeers and
ace-in- -the-hole workers all try to do
a One-Eyed Connolly at once. They
want to crash the microphone and give
the world a big earful about what's on
their chest.
Better Means of Escape.
They get me on the air, and sup
pose that's why so many of them lay
a~course in my direction. At first they
almost ate me up, like plague Of red
ants, and was always dodging down
back stairways, or sending word by the
Office boy that / had broken my leg
and would be in bed for two or three
years, or something like that. AS 1t is
now, our company has pretty sizeable
plant, with many elevators and private
rooms, and one has a much better
chance of escape. Mr.. Gtddings, our
efficient program director, has things
we'll in hand, but I always find myself
arriving and departing more or less
furtively, with an anxious sideways look.
My fears are justified.
Most of these people lie in wait like a
submarine, and they sink you sooner or
later There was one big, strong lunged
chap, with spats, a circus overcoat and
a big rock in his necktie, who was after
me for six months. One day care
lessly left my study door open an inch
or two. and he rolled in like ton
of coal ~.-.
Listen, Mackr' he doomed, thump-
ing me on the back, I'm big shot on
Broadway. You ought to know.a lot
about me, but If you don't I'll give you
tumble. Here's my card. want to
put you right about lot Of this radio
LNAy AdJ 40 w ~ OA1 dAA0 AaooO
these songbirds and wisecrackers and
get them for a price that won't sink
the ship. I tell these bimbos where
they get off. I'VE got the best stable
of hooters, close harmony workers and
trick musical specialists in town. Team
up with me and I'll shoot you line of
goods that'n make your present layout
lcok like something off the kerosene
circuit"
! used to have pretty good wing in
my corner lot base ball days, and I
was toying with a heavy bronze ink we'll
on my desk, and was pleasantly re-
hearsing a swing from the heel which
would bounce this object off the visi-
tors thick skull However, he was a
genial person, and this plan seemed
tactless, to say the least BY pressing a
button / summoned aid, and by calling
out the militia. the bomb squad and
the fire department we managed to get
him to the elevator, still booming and
believing about his trick musicians.
Invaders Vary in Type.
Many of the invaders, like this one,
can instantly be pegged as nothing
worse than nuisance, and disposed of
as gently as possible. Others are not
so easy to p;geonhole, and their type
requires continued alertness on the part
of the program director. Frequently
they have letters of introduction from
persons worthy of consideration-how
they get them I don't know.
The visitor is an expert analyst of
stocks and bonds. He has some record
which sounds plausible He is not par
ticularly interested in any monetary re-
turns, but there is such urgent need for
dependable information, with the public
investing heavily, that he bellies short,
concise daily analysis of the market
would be splendid feature on the air.
He receives an addition, and is found
to possess good radio voice. There is
serious consideration of putting him on,
but little preliminary investigation is
necessary. It discloses the fact tnat
this particular philanthropist is an ex-
pert in the technique of gently removing
suckers right eye. In bored per-
functory manner the prO0ran diract0r