Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1928-10-01

| reads his lola, for instance, may find
there perfect description of drunk
party no whit different from similar
merrymaking in this country today.
When the boys" come to the party at
4 am. and begin to pour their wine
into the piano-well, that Is sophisti-
Gated enough for any one, is it not?
How could anything be more modern
istic" than that? And yet it is a
description written half century ago.
Our belief is that some one ought to
establish School for Sophisticates, in
order to train some of us old-timerS
who we're basely deceived by our parents
into believing that Heaven is the reward
of the virtuous. Heaven help us for
our stuffy, old-fashioned ideas! Some
how we still think it wrong for man
to fiirt with his friends wife, or for a
wife to make "oogle" eyes at her friends
husband. We are so innocent that a
half-tipsy woman still strikes us as the
most pitiful sight in the world, and SO
hopelessly slow that to stay up until
2 or o'clock to do something that
could just as well be done at IL O'Clock
seems highly unnecessary. We are so
dublike in mental contour that to an
noy ones neighborS impreSses us
think of it, Mabel!-as both thoughtlesS
and unkind
X X X X
Let no one think, either, that these
reQuirementS-or, rather these studies
are in any way inimical to the better
aspects of manhood and womanhood, If
pursued within reason. What Is vile
in one becomes dignified gesture in
another. Everything depends upon the
way it is done. Some of the sweetest
girls in the world smoke, and many of
the most Indignantly righteous women
play cards.
All these points might be brought
out perfectly in the annual catalogue
of the School for SophisticateS. The
outline of the various courses of study
might run in some such fashion as
follows:
I. Drinking-The ability to partake
of cocktails nonchalantly, and as to the
liquor born. is regarded as the very
corner stone of this institution. All
candidates for the degree of B. S.
Bachelor of Sophistication) will be re-
quired to take Liz. I and maybe II,
III and w, if natural aptitude is dis
played.
II. notwithstanding cigarette,
preferably nonchalantly, is a required
study. Candidates for degrees must be
able to smoke without coughing at all
times and places. Blowing smoke in
some scandalized old lady's eyes is
perfect score.
III. Playing Bridge.-Of course, no
one pretends to be social success any
more without being able to play bridge.
What If Schopenhauer does fay 1t, as
the newspaper headline writer's say?
One might as well be dead as not play
bridge. Schopenhauer is.
". Dancing.-ThiS is just as neces-
sary as smoking, and twice as much
fun. Even experts can't smoke inces-
sanity, but any one can dance all night
without half trying.
v. Flirting With Bills Wife.-ThiS
is one of the most interesting of our
courses, and graduates are assured of
the ability to do this thing right, with
out giving any particular offenSe AL
ternate course offered for woman
students.
vi. Reading Naughty Stories.-This
course and VIII go together. See Oar.
Con. VIII.
VII. clipping Parties. - This one
needs no lengthy discussion in 1928. 1t
is simply the thing to do.
VIII Daring Conversations. 49, This
Is fundamental study in the School
of Sophisticates. How can one be
sophisticated without learning this
subject?
TX and X The "Noisy and Late"
Twins, as our students laughingly say.
We recommend these. They are good.