Evening star., 1928-04-22

The traffic cop is the ultimate mani
festation of modern civilization. rigged
in blue or khaki and supplied with a
fweet-tweet whistle. through which in
the course of a day he blows more air
than full band uses in park concert,
but in smaller portions He comes in
three varieties of which the style that
comes up from behind YOU on q dusty
motor cycle and says in a rude voice:
Say. what do you think you're doin'?
Coin TO fire." is the most distressing
to tender nerves. The variety that
percheS in traffic tower is commonly
called q rooster" and is seldom men,
toned except in the phrase, Il bet q
dollar that rooster turns the red light
on me before get to the corner"
Traffic Cop Defined"
The true traffic cop, the direct de-
scendant Of the Joshua, who ordered
the sun to stand still; of Moses, who
ordered the Red Sea to stand back. and
of the King Canute, who ordered the
ocean TO back up, Is the man who
stands in the middle of the street at
the street intersections and delays your
important progress while string of
cars that have no business ON the
streets anyway files past in front OF
you.
have heard remarks by automobilists
that lead me to believe that in their
opinion the traffic cop is one of the
Seven Sons of Satan. the one who takes
keen delight in holding up traffic Sc
that every one will be late for every
thing everywhere They think he Is
only sorry he is not as big as CyclopS
so that he can grab automobiles as they
al -
Statue of Liberty into the Lower Bay.
laughing harshly the while.
No doubt some traffic cops do speak
more harshly than a sucking dove. Per-
sonally. If wanted TO control the traffic
at a busy corner ! do not believe !
would assign a sucking dove TO the
Job. If / did there would be nothing
left but a few feathers and a spot OF
grease two minutes later. and the street
cleaners would have 10 drag out wreck
ed automobiles for a week before
could find the feathers at the bottom
Of the pile. Handling trafic from the
middle Of the street is no job for
dove: even an ostrich would have
hard job Of it.
Some Have Pet Names.
In my neighborhood the trafic cops
have pet names. We have the 'FWhis-
Ting Cop" and Christopher Columbus"
and the Singing Cop and others
known as affectionately, and I have
known real regret TO sound in the voice
OF lady driver when she said. They've
taken the 'Whistling Cop from that
corner. When one comes to know the
traf1c cop more intimately one can
come 70 love him and sympathize with
him, although perhaps not so as to love
him passionateiy when he hands one
ticket Tor having no tail light.
The fact remains that those of lis
who have studied the traffic cop care
fully on his appointed corner are now
almost ready 10 assert that he has at
least the rudlments Of a heart in hts
bosom. Contrary to the common belief,
not all traffic cops go home from duty
and beat up their wives. Only few
regularly murder their mothers every
Sunday night. and then only when Sun
day drivers have been unusually nu-
merous. You win be surprised, but 80
per cent Of the trafiic cops are actually
quite as respectable citizens as i am.
So are the other 81 per cent.
Modern civilization has eliminated in
the machine, and the machine has
automobile bends the knee to nothing
but the traffic cop. Any objection that
automobiles dc not have knees merely
shows your ignorance: We have some
automobiles IN our borough that have
so many knees you would think they
had been IN wrecks. They have been IN
wrecks, And II they hadn't been in
wrecks they would get some knees and
bend them II the traffic cops wanted
knees bent. The traffic cop Is the boss
Of the road; If he says stop we stop: If
he says 90 we go: il he says back UP
we back up. IL he says Drive over to
the side OF the road" we perspire
freely.
What Whistle Means.
The laws of the land have their
finest fruition in the shrill whistle Of
the trafilc cop. and now and then 1t
looks - II that was about all the
frlIition the laws have these days The
tweet Of the trafflc cops whistle and
the raising Of his hand are about all
that any one obeys any more. Even
the bo0tiegger'a truck panses when that
whistle blows, and the taxi driver with
the thugs pistol pressing his ribs puts
on his brakes The oil giant on his
way 10 buy a Government official stops
his car 70 let the child Of labor cross
the road 10 school when the cops
hand goes up, and t1e car thief Is as
humble as WOfm~~1ntu he gets ny
Some of the difficulties OF the tTafile
COPS Job may be imagined when u Is
Understood the 2is lady drivers passing
4 given cop I'm one hour normally use
2lG different hand signals 10 indicate