New Britain herald., 1928-10-06
MARY ANN DRIVES DOWN 0N FARM
Practices With Undts niIa- Ruins Scndy
(Contributed)

0cA1 AuVy'
 Yesterday afternoon I was visit ing my Unkle Oswald who has . farm on tho outskirts of the city and when told him that l could get . drivers license if only had . little more driving practice he says I'm welcome to use his fivver and farm for said purposes. He shows me the divver, which was in good running condition. and all he asked was that leave 1t that way. I thanks him. climbs into the buggy and has no trouble getting outa the garage. unless you calls taking one of the doors oil its hinges trouble.
 Not getting any kick outa moving slow bears down heavily on the foot accelerator until it can't go any further on account of the floor boards being in the way. In 70 So- ing I made | bigger miscue than the kid who told his teacher the reason why he didn't get his home work correct was because his old man put down the wrong answers. It seems the accelerator got stuck in . crack or something. making tho bus pick up speed like the last troll ley car outa town and I'm 70 rat- tied that all thinks of is hanging on for dear life. My heart was in my mouth and l was afraid to swallow for fear I'd loss it.
 A sharp turn is ahead but has no more chance of snaking 1t than . poodle has of winning an argu- ment with a bloodhound. Tho fliv- yer almost throws me overheard as it bounces off the road and takes a shortcut through cornfleld. spill ing bundles of cornstalks as though they was pins in bowling alley and never missing any. We was hitting only the high spots and travelling like a mule being chased by 8 regi- ment of hornets. Every time the bus hit | bump I'd leave the seat and come down on places that had very little upholstery. if any. My noble bean poked through the top and ruined 1t sos there wasn't enough left to, make a patch for . side curtain. t
 would of stepped on the brake pedal only was shuffled about 50 much I couldn't reach 1t. A tree seemed to rise directly in front of mo and in avoiding it goes through the gate of the COW pasture. even though 1t wasn't open. scattering COWS in all directions. One cow rears up on her hind hoofs and I almost picks her up as . passenger. A rear tire ''blows out" with . bang that could be heard during . saxo- phone playing contest and the wa gon skids against . fence post. splintering 1t n though 1t was . toothpick, and then heads straight for the barn. I throws up my hands and mutters . quick prayer that it would stop.
 It did. but not until the front end had crashed into the horse stall. My troubles would of beeh over If horse hadn't been occupying the stall. The flivver was wedged in so that neither the nag nor could get out. The frightened nag is straining at his halter and wishing he was somewhere's else (and 50 was 1.) tries to quiet him by saying. Whoa. Oscar. nice horsie. etc." and lots of other things which dumb animals is supposed to under stand but has no more luck than . fiatiron has headaches. If he'd only move ahead a few feet Id take . chance on sneaking past him to safety. "Gid-dap." l yells. but guess he never heard as he didn't budge an inch and 50 I blows the horn. ..-.
 Then he moved. and how. HA rear hoofs moved like 1t was mo- body's business and every shot was . buils-eye. Before you could say Herb Hoover or Al Smith, he had the hivver looking like something ;ried to squeeze between two large trucks and didn't quite make 1t. Finally my Cnkle Oswald hears the commotion and running in saves the day, not to mention me. the bone rack, and what was left of Lizzie. I explained how come couldn't stop the bus and he asks why didn't l stop being dumb long enough to turn off the ignition key. All I could say. Andy. was that you can't expect . jane to think of every