New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1928-07-14
NOAH FORCED
| into fO0TW0RK
Ford on Junk Heap and He
Wears Out Leather
(Contributed)

Dear Andy:
Last week l told you about my
divver going to its final resting place
on the top of the junk heap where
all gas wagons must 90 sooner or
later. eventually. why not now. and
you're asking me how l likes being
pedestrian. At first it was kinda
tough but now I'm used to it and
enjoys going uptown and back with
out picking up nails. ashcans. some
body else's tenders, and rear-seat
drivers. Only sometimes the bot
tom OF my hoofs feel like they're in
the same shape as the lads that
dropped out of Pyle's 'bunion
derby" Instead Of going into a FILL
ing station and digging down in my
pockets for the price Of 5 gals. OF
gas and a quart of oil. now goes
into drugstore and spends the
| remedies.
Now can have a Saturday after
noon all to myself. and not for
washing. greasing the flivver. or try
ing to make it hit on at least 5
cylinders. When l hears a tire 60
Bang" l grin on account of know.
ing it amt my tire that gone fiat
ter than the kitchen carpet. and for.
get they's such things as jacks. in.
ner tubes and blowout patches. In
| case of sudden storm l seeks shelter
under store awning and gets
kick outa watching some bimbo get
ting soaking wet in struggling to
put up one-man top that one man
couldn't put up without the help of
his friends or relations.
l takes great delight in parking
in places where no autoist can park
without being handed a ticket, such
as directly on a corner or the curb,
within foot of a fire hydrant, etc.
and can even lean against No
Parking" signs, police alarm boxes,
and telephone poles. Already my
muscles are becoming flexible. Only
yesterday ! did a hop, skip and q
foot jump onta the way of a de-
! livery truck that would make a high
school star athlete envious and want
] to take lessons. The truck and
tree goes into clinch that even a
referee couldn't sparate without the
aid of wrecker.
Lose control of your carr" asks
the driver innocently, seeing he
wasn't hurt. Yeah" he answers in
a daze, but only for the time be-
ing" He remarks it's his first acci-
dent and that he takes great pride
in r &c o1, t<
unfortunately" l grins, 'They's SO
many different kinds of pride" One
thing I can't seem to get away from
is the speed mania and getting in
Dutch" 1t seems like I'm already
getting bow-legged, the result of
taking corners at high speed. The
other day ! held out my hand from
force of habit as a signal that was
about to turn and some kind l-oarted
old gentleman drops a nickel ITO i.
was SO astonished that 'ould
hardly say Thank you" So zone
| told me ! ought to return the keel
but l was afraid it might hur the
! guys feelings. Anyways it ca. in
handy later at a nearby soda lvu..
tain. At another corner l does the
same stunt again and accidently
pokes some guy in the dinner region.
When he got back some Of the
breath that was knocked outa him
| he told me enough to fill tele-
phone book and what he mentioned
wasn't compliments, saying that the
next time pokes him when he amt
looking he's gonna wallop me the
length of a side street was gonna
tell him what thought of him only
he was bigger than me and l didn't
want to see anybody get hurt.
Another time l hears some copper
ask, Where do you think you are,
on race track" ] stops no quick
ly that l almost collides with the one
in front and then feels az foolish
as an old bachelor caught In the act
of reading love letters when I
realizes he amt talking to me, but
to some other dizzy galoot that's
driving through traffic like it's no.
body's business. It's great life IL
you don't get bumped off, Andy, and
even the next door neighbor is
pleased that I'm a pedestrian be-
cause he claims he can now park on
his front verandah steps without
worrying for fear it'll be lifted from
under him as I swings into the
driveway