Evening star., 1928-05-16

"a
ish humorist and author. most famous for
bis Curtain Lectures" supposedly by Mrs.
oS auS in bss The Ses 10 o net those ay
ture."b
One day Job Caudle was 10 indis-
Greet as to lend friend f5, or about
S25. His sagacious wife. Margaret
Caudle. that night delivered to him the
following lecture, within the curtains OF
their bed:
You ought to be very rich. Mr.. Cau-
die. I wonder who'd lend you f5? But
so 1t is--a wife may work and may
slave! Ha, dear, the many things that
might have been done with f5 AS II
people picked up money in the street!
But you always were a fool, Mr.,
Caudle! I've wanted a black satin
gown these three years, and that c5
would have entirely bought it, But it's
no matter how go--not at all. Every
body says don't dress as becomes your
wife--and I don't. But what's that ia
YOU. Mr.. Caudle? Nothing. oh, no,
YOU can have fine feelings for every-
body but those belonging to you. l wish
people knew you as / do-thatS all
You like to be called liberal--and your
poor family pays for 1t.
IAN the girls want bonnets, and
where they're to come from can't tell.
Half E5 would have bought 'em-but
now they must go without. or course,
they belong to you--and anybody but
your own flesh and blood. Mr.. Caudle
THE man called for the water-rate
today but I should like to know how
people are to pay taxes who throw away
f5 to every fellow that asks them?
Perhaps you don't know that JACK
this morning knocked his shuttlecocK
through his bedroom window. was
going to send for the glazier to memo
It, but after you lent that E5 was sure
we couldn't afford 1t. Oh. no. the win
dow must go as 1t Is: and pretty
weather for q dear child to sleep with
A broken window! He's got cold al
ready on his lungs, and / shouldn't at
all wonder II that broken window set
tied him. II the dear boy dies ms
death will be upon his fathers head,
for I'm sure we can't pay now to mend
windows. We might, though, and do a
good many more things, too, II people
didn't throw away their E5.
Next Thursday the fire insurance is
due, should like to know how It's to
be paid? Why. 1t can't be paid at all
That E5 would have more than done It
and now insurance Is out of the uues-
tion. And there were never so many
fires as there are now. shall never
close my eyes all night. But what's that
to you, Mr.. Caudle? Your wife and
children may all be burnt alive in their
beds, as all OF US to certainty shall De
for the insurance must drop. And after
we've insured for so many years! But
how, ! should like TO know. are people
to insure who make ducks and drakes
Of their f5?
Il did think we might 90 to Margate
this Summer There's poor little Caro-
line. I'm sure she wants the sea. But
no. dear creature. she must stop al
home. She'll go into consumption
there's no doubt of that; yes--sweet
little angel--Ive made up my mind tc
lose her now. The child might have
been saved, but people can't save their
children and throw away their 70. TOO.
II wonder where little Mopsy Is?
While you we're lending that Is the dog
ran out of the shop. You know. never
let It 60 into the street. for fear u
should be bit by some mad dog ano
come home and bite all the children,
II wouldn't at all astonish me II the
animal was 10 come back with the n.y.
drophobia and give 1t to all the family
However, what's your family to you. SO
you CAu paay TAG AASa@A ~AS~ Wv"
E5?
DO YOU hear that shutter; how It's
banging TO and fro? Yes, know what
It wants as well as you. II wants q
new fastening. was going to send for
the blacksmith today, but now it's out
of the question. Now II must bang ol
nights, since you've thrown away &5.
aHa. there's the SCOT falling down the
chimney. II I hate the smell OF any
thing, it's the smell Of SCOT. And you
know IL: but what are my feelings q
your Sweep the chimneyl Yes, It's
all very hne to say, sweep the Chin
ney--but how are chimneys to bs
swept--how are they to be paid for by
people who don't take care OF their fSi
do you hear the mice running about
the room? hear them. II they were
TO drag only you out OF bed, II would
be no mater. Set trap for 'eml Yes
It's easy enough TO say--set q trap FOL
mouse traps when every day they
"Harki I'm sure there's noise
downstairs. It wouldn't at all surprise
me IL there were thieves In the house
Well. 1t may be the cat, but thieves are
pretty sure to come In some night
There's q wretched fastening TO the
back door, but these are not times "a
afford bolts and bars when people won'i
take care Of their f5.
MARY Anne ought 10 have gone tc
the dentists tomorrow. She wants three
teeth taken out. Now It can't be done
Three teeth that quite disngure the
chiId's mouth. But they must stay and
spoil the sweetest face that was ever
made. Otherwise she'd have been 4
wife for a lord. Now when she grows
up who'll have herr Nobody. We shall
die and leave her alone and unpro-
tected In the world, But what do you
care for that7 Nothing. So you can
squander away f5."
Thus did the scoiding voice OF Mrs
Caudie continue away far into the
night. night after night. on some text
or other supplied by the daily actions OF
patient Job Caudle, her husband. Thus
did Mrs. Caudle appropriate for her
own the ears OF her suffering husband
and pour into them all her female wis.,
dom and all her vocal prudence.
For 30 years Mr.. Caudle put up with