Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1928-10-07
Exaggerations:
Screebles Looy
From HOLLYWOOD
BY MILT GROSS,
ptember 2, 1923

September 2, 1923.
y MOOT MUGGLEwITz, Esq.
Dear oyster Eyes
No wonder / aint been getting
~ any answers to an my letters, So
far 1 been addressing EN- all to
you In care of de front of State Theater
but a paper correspondent out here ia
forms me dat since de foist of the month
you moved to bigger and better quar-
ters In front of de big theater. -.
Well irregardless, everything started
out jake in Hollywood. I amt been in
town q half hour but what get all
set wild job as announcer on a sight, y
seeing bus. Everything is goin along.
soothingly as me Jap valley out here
SEE when de old man haSta go to 'woik
an get cramp!!! Well, de doctors out =
here drop de knife at 5 o'clock sharp
whether its in de patient or not, and
at 10 pm. daddums is still doing
wI1irlwind dervish act all over de floor,
so we call up drug store for somethin
to stop him from chewin his way outa
de house troo a wall. They send over
bottle of stuff wild picture Of "a
horse on the label and directions in
six languages
Well in his terrible frenzy to get at
it he rips the English part up and We
hadda comb Hollywood all night fer a.,
Checkoslovak to read him Gle diree-
tions. Which amt so difficult at dat
what wild all the Dukes and Marcuses
soakin' up de gin-kisSed atmosphere.
Hollywood Bullyvard looks like the col
ored pictures they usta have in the !,
shoemakers in New York of the ROYAL,
Fanilies-the telephone book is Begin
MIN to read like a Lithuanian time;
table and interpreters is buyin' oil wells
wild their overtime dough. Well, you
shoulda smelled dat medicine De old
man took one swig and de sight-seein'
buses was stopping at his face for a.
week.
The reason as you may guess for his
cramps and things is that he's been
producin movies. You know when.
the hero hangs of the cliff they hold
him up wild piano wires which is in
visible on the screen-.so last week the
old mans readin' the expenses sheets
and he pipes:
"Wotis does! Fife hundred dollars,
alrady dey spent for piano, wires and,
deednt saw one in a peecture yatl!Ip
ana all. other similar, sorts Of faux,
passes. Well, whenever he starts in, /.
Last Friday I caught an eight.fooss
barracuda. It's. a. WOW, , I think III
nave 1t presented at .Hsnry's in reaE
HoHyWood style. Foists well previews #
IN one Of the Venices or Santa Monica
oeaneries. Then Wen cut down thet
ms DIT, get a new tail, have a few
more conferences. change the title to
sturgeon and put in talkin' SEQUENCES
70 save It. Then we'll have an open-
ing In HenryS wild searchHohts an
hollywood Bullyvard and get Sid Gran
M man 70 put on prologue fer IT.
we had great time the other night
51hey opened a road house called fine
Fiantatlon out in Culver 'Citv Cl,iveTse
guys fine little town that extendsii
LOT ABOUT DO feet on each side of thpt
Metro,G oldwyn Mayer lot. Web IT was
SVEN night. All the bsatty and spieFI-
40 qor OF the clnematropolis was there.
Inc Plantatlon'sa nice coy little place.
Some day some ones goff1' to n1ft ,ri,esSs,
on 1t and they'll have a SWELL mnch'
wagon. You shoulda hold the speeches
The m2ster Of ceremonies get up an seq.
Ther are many great and shining
stars Of the cinema here tonight. and
"a gonna call on some Of EN- to Get up
ana say few wofds in the mike. The
Iolst one ] will call on will be that
n rsile idol Of the fans, Otto Gear
% Otto gets up an pipes:
-, Ladies an gentlemen an radio fans.
Wnen played de crack in -Four walls,
dat was no dummy dey trew off de roof
Dae was me. Fifteen years ago when
Iolst come to HOLLYWOOD rode a huss
IA Ine Glnsboig comedies. III give yez
s+ Up now watch me when the talkies
Banana. -4O4A Aiiila
She said:
Dear people: They cut my hest
scenes out OF Flaming Whiskers.T had
the picture stole but of course I don't
play gof with the supervisors wife Won
night" -s'SOAio wv"
Then there was a few more things
IKE the reciting of Boots Boots rootsi'
and Joe ZwifHe telling how he saved the
liVes OF the whole cast of Dante m
ierno the day hell caught on fire, and
iots OF the guests was. so moved that
tney took away with them some little
memento Of the occasion-fer example
by all. .'aV
Well. got fired again. FUNNY ,alvs
tnese people In Hollywood. One week
dey give va dinner-sure, de studio
decides to gimme dinner in me honor
last Thoisday. Well 1t was njftv
racket an all dat y know Dey held IL
on de studio stage after woikin' hours at
nignt-So JiSt because put in overtime
Ter de time they go and get boined i'm
an I'm an air inspector again CanSt
ngger these boids at all. Wen So Iong
drop me. tline care of the Centrsi
Casting Agency. Your pal, I.OOY.
(Copyright. 1921