davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

nominated as compromise.
Neither are any democratic favorite
sons to be found strutting out onto
the stage "If had my state delega-
ton for any number of ballots and it
then should happen to go to Smith,
says one anti-Smith senator who has
been urged to allow his name TO be
used, It'd never get back into the sem
ate. My constituents would believe
that I had double-croSsed them in the
hope of the vice presidential nomina-
ton or something"
"Once we're in the convention, we
won't have any trouble rounding up
our delegates from the south behind
the most convenient candidate we can
set up against Smith," says another
anti Smith leader. "Donahey looks as
good to me as anyone right now
incidentally, such men as these pri-
vately raise the threat that they will
promote third candidate. represent
ing the dry south, if Smith is nomi-
mated by the convention. Your corre-
spondent hears more and more of this
kind of talk. At this early date, he
doesn't dare suggest whether it is
threat or a promise.
Nearly everyone admits that Smith
has made an excellent governor of New
York. After that his enemies first
explain that he is badly handicapped
by his religion and then proceed to
attack him on the ground that he is
wet and that he has shown a grasp
neither of national issues nor demo-
cratic principles.
There is much dispute among demo-
Gratis as to just what democratic prin-
ciples are, but Smiths foes point out
that Senator Copeland, one of his John
the Baptists, came out the other day
in favor OF the protective tariff and
that Tammany congressman are no
opposed to immigration re-
StrictionS.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
More Truth Than Poetry
By JAMES J. MONTAGUE
PROTECTIVE CoLORING

Chameleons are a kind Of eft
A lizard nature has bereft
OF power to bite or scratch or claw
To fill an enemy with awe.
Nor are they swift to get away
When larger creatures look their way
And SO they simply change their hue
To. green, or red, or brown, or blue,
Or beige, or peach, or tan, or fawn
To match the object they are on.
When on lily leaf they curl
They swiftly change to Whitish pearl,
And eagles, preying from the all,
Do not discern that they are there.
When on q rock their heads they lay
They shift their shade to brownisf
gray
And jaguars cannot find out
That they are anywhere about.
And so, though neither weak nor strons
Their lives are usually long;
In short they use the crafty tricks
Which men engaged in politics
Have utilized since the days of old
To keep the offices they hold.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
HE DON'T FRET
(Chicago Tribunel


He like "Ain
will
in
rather than
university somebody's
ees hat" admits
annual meeting of
the side of all who language ladder
their
in
they have How they provided
swift, is of less
We worship observa-
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

WASHINGTON. - One of the most
widely espoused beliefs today concern
ing the democratic presidential nomi-
nation is that Governor Al Smith will
take it in a walk. There is, however,
a marked division of opinion amo~g
politicians here as to whether he will
get the nomination at ALL
The picture is somewhat blurred
Politicians who once said that Smith
had no chance at all are now willing
to concede that he has "a Slight
chance" A minority still processes
to believe that he has not They ex-
pect the two-thirds and unit rules to
beat him.
More light probably will be shed
during the forthcoming meeting here
of the democratic national committee
and the Jackson day dinner. The
committee, according to the present
dope, will pick Cleveland as the partys
convention city. Indianapolis could
have had the convention for the ask
ing, one is informed, but Indiana dem
CcratS wanted it held elsewhere. They
hope and expect to elect a state ticket
in Indiana next November and a repe-
tition of the Madison Square wet-dry
religious struggle on the home grounds
would be likely to spoil everything.
*
Smith looks especially strong because
no dry Protestant candidate has yet
to challenge him. Governor
Donahey of Ohio, probably could have
most of the southern delegations. But
he knows that if he were to start out
as the opposition candidate the Smith
folks never would let him win. His
hope is that he may eventually be,
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

met friend and we had a drink
but just one drink, Your Honor All
1 did then was to stand in front
OF Mae Murrays apartment and
shout: oh, Mae! 1 smoke pipe
now, too'
Surely judge, you can't blame
feller for that"
Judge: What is the verdict OF the
jury?
Foreman OF the jury: we find
that the culprit is not guilty, sir,
but we recommend that he be warned
not to do it again. EifF
"Hey, Mike" said a workman to
the other atop: Don't come down
on that ladder on the north corner.
I took it away
"Ah, good morning, Mrs. Murphy.
An how is everythin?1
Sure, an I'm having one grand
time of it between me- husband and
the furnace. IT keep me eye
on the wan, the other is snurc to
go out!"
Don't bring me any more bills,
said the husband, in despair. Il
can't face them"
II don't want you to face them,
darling, replied the wife Il only
want you to foot them"
! Maid: You know that old vase
you said had been handed down
: froV1o eroV1 oYo tiov1 RI oor4arofiry1C
Mistress (anxiously) Yes.
! Maid: Well, this generation has
dropped it.
"Oh, John" she was saying, you
are a most inattentive host. 1 do
wish you'd keep an eye on poor Mr..
Smith, he's helping himself to every
thing
Caddie Master (to new recruit)
"Now then, young Teller hop to it,
and don't stand aroun loo1in' dumb
like as if you was member of tn
club
Admission
/ like girls who paint and use
plenty of perfume.
I like to see girls eat candy and
chew gum.
Women who spend lot OF time
over ice cream sodas and light lunches
appeal to me.
enjoy seeing. girls spend their
fathers money freely.
Girls who buy all the latest books
and magazines are not tc be censured
Nor do I believe in frowning on
the girl who, buys cigarettes in large
quantities.
I own the. drug store on the
corner. @8
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
ABE MARTIN

90 course we WIZ ticklcd t death
t. see her, but she makes SO much
ashes,'' said Mrs. Finley MOrps,
whose daughter is home from
school fer tn holidays. l never
like t. ask where tn mail box is
in hotel cause I'm allus standin'
right by it.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
A Battling Rattle

Rastus and his wife, driving to
town in their decrepit flivver, had
parked it casually in the first avail
able space While they we're away
traffic officer attached : ass num-
bered tag to the vehicle for parking
in prohibited zone. On their return,
Rastus noticed the tag and was for
throwing it into the street, but Re-
becca restrained him.
"Sabe. de ticket, honey" she said.
"Dat number might win sumthin'."
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
a FEW EXCEPTIONS

FEW EXCEPTIONS
There are more than hundred mil
lion people in America, but not all Of
them get up early enough to take the
radio setting-up exercises.
Copyright, 1923, Bell Syndicate, Inc.)
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
FTFTY-FTFT7Y

We haven't read any advance drafts
of the political platforms but we are
confident that they will mingle damp
ness and aridity in equal portions.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
Plucbed From the Plains

RetOrt
what you don't know
Won't hurt you" So he said
That's all the answer 1 could get,
And yet
This thought came to me late, when
time had sped:
"For you it's lucky So
For otherwise you would have been,
I'll bet,
An iundertaker's client long ago!"
Sambo: What kind OF watch you
got?
Jasbo: 1 has wonder watch.
Sambo: Wonder WatchI Never
heard OF that before.
Jasbo: Well, you see it's this way.
Every time I look at it I wonder
what time it is.
Fond Papa: Bobby, if you had a
little more spunk, you would stand
better in your class. 11ow 90 you
know what spunk is?
Bobby: Yes, sir, the pas; parti-
ciple of spank"
Modern shopper: Have you any
thing snappy in rubber bands?
! Assistant: No; but we have some
thing catchy in fly paper.
$50 Jonesy finally married his
stenographer?"
eyes, she felt that he had dictated
tn her l0np enOI1phl"
The teacher asked the class to
write a few words -about George
Washington. One OF the little boys
wrote: ..hs s54ss,.tae
George Washington was the father
of our country, who fought for free
dom all his life, and then went and
got married.
Minister: 1 hear, Paddle, they've
gone dry in the village where your
brother lives.
4 Paddle: Dry, mon! They're parch-
ed. I've just had letter from Mike,
an the postage stamp was stuck on
with PIN"
my wife gave me two tube set
for my birthday
"Regenerative?"
NAV. Shaving and TOOTH"
J. Lady: What's the trouble, motor
man?
Motorman: We ran over a. dog.
Lady: Was it on the track?
Mctorman: No, we had to chase
it up an alley.
"I think the man you married is
a fine looking fellow"
"Ah, but you should have seen
fthe one that got away
my wife has run away with a
man in my carl"
"Good heavens! Not your new carl"
''Why don't you ask your husbands S
advice in this matter?"
"I intend to, as soon as I decide
what I'm going to do .''''
"WeI,' said the successful candi-
ldate, when the vote returns clearly
indicated that he had been elected,
'it's all over but. the investigating ("
! A stout woman drove up to a
filling station
81 want two quarts OF OIL" she
said
what kind heavy?" asked the
attendant.
"Say, young man, don't get fresh
with me-" was the indignant response.
i No, Judge, Wasn't Drunk!
''No, judge, I wasn't drunk last
night! I'd just run down to the
cigar store to buy a pipe. There
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
THE ORIGINATOR

Bluebeard also believed in compan-
ionate marriage, but his kind was a
trifle too temporary.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Prince George fell out of an
automobile the other day. The
king of England had better never
let those boys take up aviation.
copyright, 1927, NEA Service, .Inc.)
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Fond Papa Bobby, if you had a
little more spunk, you would stand
better in your class. Now 90 you
know what spunk is?
Bobby: Yes, sir, the pas; parti-
ciple of spank"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07


achieve nothing
that life exhilaratng that language S
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Sanbo: What kind OF watch you
got?
Jasbo: I has wonder watch.
Sambo: Wonder watch! Never
heard Of that before.
Jasbo: Well, you see it's this way
Every time I look at it I wonder
what time it is.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Modern shopper: Have you any
thing snappy in rubber bands?
Assistant: No; but we have some
thing catchy in fly paper.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

$50 Jonesy finally married his
stenographer?"
eyes, she felt that he had dictated
to her long enough!"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

A woman mistook robbers for real
estate men. Some people mistake real
estate men for robbers, too.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

The teacher asked the class to
write a few words -about George
Washington. One OF the little boys
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

George Washington was the father
of our country, who fought for free
dom all his life, and then went and
got married.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07
B1A!AiBS

Harry Thaw has gone to Holly
wood Is it possible the young
man is becoming trifle wild? Il
They're using chemicals to ripen
fruit now, but that's an old recipe
for corn and rye.
Bills ready for the house of rep
resentatives so far number 8459.
1t seems there are a few things
which haven't been prohibited.
Believe it or not, but at a bank
erS' banquet in Paris the other day,
young American singer rendered
20 Promise Me"
We wish to nominate as one of
the most successful men of 1927
the Iowa man who listed his assets
at $977 and liabilities at $866,00O
A woman mistook robbers for rea
state men. Some people mistake rea
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Minister: I hear, Paddle, they've
gone. dry in the village where your
brother lives.
Paddle: Dry, mon! They're parch-
ed. I've just had a letter from Mike,
an the postage stamp was stuck on
with a PIN"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Caddie Master (to new recruit;
''Now then, young teller, hop to it,
and don't stand aroun lookin' dumb
like as if you was member of tn
club"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

"My wife gave me a two tube set
Ifor my birthday"
"Regenerative?"
"Naw. Shaving and TOOTH"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

''1ey Nike said workman to
the other atop: Don't come down
on that ladder on the north corner
I took it away" '
Douglas daily dispatch., 1928-01-07

Judge: What is the verdict OF the
jury?
Foreman OF the jury: We find
that the 'culprit is not guilty, sir,
but we recommend that he be warned
not to do it again NifF
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
MALLEN Club
CETSNEWPRO
Lloyd Hazen to Super.
intend Rebuilding
Of Golf Course

McALLEN, July 2I.-Lloyd Hazen.
formerly of Chicago, a professional
golfer of many years, has been en-
ployed by the board Of directors OF
the Tepehuaje Country club here. 70
and to take charge of the club IN
the role Of manager.
In addition TO construction work
on the course Mr.. Hazen will be the
club professional. Hazen is a mem
Der Of the Illinois Professional Golf
association with a Glass A rating,
which rating entities him 10 men,
bership in the Professional Golfers
association Of America. For four
years Hazen was professional" at
the Dear Park Country club at La
Sale. Ill. He also was "pro" az the
Ottawa Country club five years, and
Urbana Country club, Urbana, Ill.
two years.
The construction work at the club
which Hazen is 70 superintend con-
sists Of reconstructing the present
nine holes, installation Of a sprinkler
system for the greens and the de-
signing of an additional nine holes.
During the time Mr.. Hazen has
been doing construction and design
ing of golf courses, he has designed
twenty-three golf courses in various
parts Of the country, notably
among them being the Ottawa Coun-
try club at Warren, Ohio; Country
club at Paola, Kan. and the Baldwin
Country club at Baldwin, Kan.
In taking charge of the course. Mr..
Hazen said he would hold classes
for beginners, explaining to them the
principles of the game.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
TWO NATIONS
PAY TRIBUTE
TODEADHERO
Troops of u. S. and
Mexico Mingle AS
Body of Carranza Is
Taken Over Dor Ter

LAREDO, Tex, July 21.-tP1-Mex-
ico's Lone Eagle was returned today
to the country from which he flew on
a mission Of good will.
Between a wall of humanity that
overflowed into the streets Of Laredo
and Nueva Laredo, the late CAPTAIN
Emilio Carranza was borne in highest
military honors 10 the center of the
international bridge, where General
Jose Amezcua. chief Of the aviation
forces of Mexico. and a squad of
picked men waited to receive the
former comrade who will be laid to
rest with the heroes of Mexico's dead.
There was a pause of five minutes,
IN which 10000 heads were barred
as "taps" sounded the final tribute
TO the man whom the United States
government recognized as having died
On a mission worthy of living in the
memories Of those who build toward
international understanding.
General Albert j. Bowley, COM
mander OF the eighth corps area at
San Antonio, did the last official act
for the United States government
when he placed the only floral offer
ing permitted on the casket.
Two Nations Pay Tribute
Automobiles banked with flowers,
the floral tribute from two nations
followed the cortege across the
bridge TO the Nuevo Laredo station
where brief ceremonies were held be
fore the body was sent speeding or
TO Mexico City.
Fifty-two airplanes. sweeping low
in the skies and pouring over q con
slant stream Of flowers. lowered over
the international bridge as high of
ficials Of Mexico and the United
States united in grief for the faller
flyer.
The planes. piloted in a continu'
alton Of the expressions Of good vii.
that have m~otivated every move since
the special train left New York City
swooped low over Nuevo Laredo or
an aerial invasion Of Mexico. From
their cockpits were discharged 4
stream of flowers as the train de
parted on the last lap Of its Ions
trip home.
Troops Meet on Bridge
Once before Mexican and American
troops had met on the internationa
bridge when threats Of Intervention
had changed expressions TO those o
intense suspicion. Today there was
upon each face the calm OF complete
understanding. These was a com
plete linking of emotions as thu
! flashing blue Of the Mexican uniform
mingled with the khaki Of the Uni
ted States as the caisson passed thu
line that designates the border be.
tween this country and Mexico
American troops continued theil
march on Mexican soil. Nuevo La
redo and its teeminE masses o.
! mourners saw the American uniform
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
Kiwanis Groups
Are Appointed
Especial TO The Herald)

MERCEDES. July 20.-R. r. Tai
bert. president Of the local Kiwanis
club. has announced his club COM
mittees for the coming year. They
are: Business standards. chairman.
j. G. Shaw: classification and mem
bership. chairman. J.. p. Cause: X.
Dudley. chairman. H. Roland, Dave
Campbell: Kiwanis education. chair
Herman Sugg; j.. G. Deyo and
S. Z. Keischneck; program chair
man. Nix Harrington. Ray Schmitter;
public affairs. DR.. J. W. Chambers.
jerry Mellon. Harry Peters and Har-
~ Lawson; publicity. chairman. W.
NJ. Section. r. G. Brown: boys
work. chairman. Frank Tappan. n. T..
Sugg. Nix Harrington and Ed Perry.
Fifteen new members have been
added to the Kiwanis club in the
past few weeks. They are: Oscar
Progue. Ben Golden. E. A. Brown.
Bob Meeker. Joe Brand. s. H.
Griffin. r. L. Thomas. Walter Hoek-
stra. J. A. Glover. II. c. Aston. Dr..
Z. G.. Smith. Frank Hadden. Eddie
Crosswhite. J. Fl. Houze and John
G. Jones.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
CROP-O-METER
Tells Size OF
VALLEY CROPS
Paintings in This Sec
ton Submit d to
Novel Measure BY
Government Expert
Especial to The Herald)

SAN BENITo, July 21.-valley
crops have been measured" and the
Job of measuring crops in other
parts Of the state is now being car
ried on by II. C. Schultz, state Stats
tician on farm crops and products,
who waws here during the latter
part Of the week from Austin.
The crops were literally measured,
by a cropometer. on an automobile.
But it is no simple "crop-o-meter'
that Mr.. Schultz has rugged up and
attached to his car.
Every year the statistieian drives
over the state. following the same
route, and measures the frontage OF
crops along the highway. He goes
over each road twice. measuring one
side on one trip, and the other side
on the second trip.
His meter is arranged with half a
dozen or more small meters attached
TO il, all operated by the attach
ment on the wheel of the car. Mr..
Schultz drives along the road. and
when he comes to a corn field, he
presses the button on the meter
marked corn" 1t starts register
ing. Then if he comes to a field Of
cotton adjoining the corn, ne MARKS
the meter labeled cotton" and the
corn one disconnects, and the cotton
starts registering. II he comes TO a
barren field he presses a button at
the side Of the whole apparatus, and
il is disconnected.
The route which he follows over
Texas Is about 5000 miles. Every
yea he follows this route, going
over the same by-roads, and by these
tabulations from year to year he has
been able to work up an index TO
crop acreages in the state. The in
dex is mainly for staple crops, such
as corn. cotton, grain, etc.
Mr.. Schultz made the Valley trip
in company with G. X. Townsend Of
the federal citrus fruit fly eradica-
tion and prevention force. He went
over roads in the Los Fresnos COM
munity, and some other parts Of the
Valley, and measured crops. Then
he measured the crops or the way
down from Austin, and on the way
back, getting both sides Of the road
on the two trips.
A report on crop areas in the state
will be compiled in the near future
from this measurement Of crops.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
Mounted animals,
Birds to Adorn
San Benito Store
Especial TO The Herald)

SAN BENITo. July PA c%ollec-
tion Of mounted fishes, animals,
birds and reptiles gathered over a
period Of IS years, and costing about
$4,000, has been used for adjoining
the newest business concern to open
in San Benito. Boyd's Market g. Deli
catessen, on Stenger street.
The display includes mounted
heads Of jew fish, strange fish such
as the blowfish. and some deep sea
fish, sport birds, and a few birds typ
ical Of this section, such as the road
runner, small alligators, igusnas,
squirrels, and other fish, animals,
birds and reptiles.
The display is a%ttractively arrang-
ed on the walls, and in other parts Of
the store, giving il an atmosphere Of
distinction.
w. F. Boyd. owner and operator
of the store. came here from Harlin-
gen, where he has been in business
the past two years. He purchased
the collection from Wallace Perkins.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
Hi-Line Nearing
Completion; Sub
Station Planned

The hi-line has about been COM
pleted from the power plant to the
city central substation, located near
the central fire station. and the city
will soon be served over this new
system which is TO be one of the
most modern and up-to-date Of its
kind in the country. according to
George Z. Meyer, of
Brownsville's power and light sys-
tenn.
Material is now arriving for ad-
ditional substations which will be
erected as rapidly as possible, IL Is
said.
The next step in installing the
new system. according to Meyer,
will be an extension Of the hi-line,
now under construction, to a substa-
ton to l. erected in Victoria
Heights.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
Western Union Gets
New Home in Mission

MISSION. July 21.-The Western
Union here. through its agent. J. r.
Lehman. has signed a five year lease
on n section Of the vela building,
located on Lomita boulevard.
The Western Union here has long
since outgrown its present location
and has only been awaiting n favor
able opportunity to move. The Vela
building will be r~e-decorated and
necessary improvements made. Mr..
Lehman will move in with his
staff about Sc TENDER Is.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22

following their dead hero only as
mourners for the man who had paid
the price for an ideal. They heard
the marital strains Of music. They
cheered softly when the Star Span
gled Vas played, and again they
cheered softly when the national air
of Mexico was sounded.
With the mourning thousands look
ing on. the funeral train slipped from
the Nuevo Laredo station at 1910
a. m. on its way to Mexico City.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
Kincaide Given Trunk
BY Workers on Bridge

A group OF workmen headed by Sam
Cobb who have been connected with
the new Gateway bridge. presented
Arthur kincaide, business manager
on the job for the Puget Sound
Fridge company, with q wardrobe
trunk on his birthday Friday.
The gift was made as a token OF
the mems regard for Kincaide as we'll
as q birthday present they said.
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22
VALLEY

Has just issued a beautiful new fold
err giving information relative 70
tou courses Of study, value Of bust
ness college training, tuition rates,
etc. We desire to get this literature
into the hands Of all interested in
Brownsville herald. [volume] (Brownsville, Tex.) 1910-current, 1928-07-22

commercial education, and Will send
it FREE OF CHARGE to all calling
at the college office or sending the
blank herewith, mailing ii to G.. w.
Moothart. President, Brownsville,
Texas.