White Bluffs spokesman. [volume] (White Bluffs, Wash.) 1907-1938, 1928-08-10
Give Opposing Sex
Their Rights
BY RING LARDNER

IAdl 40 always SuClllluS Luz cqudA
rights with we boys and want the
same privileges we have got, well I
wished they could enjoy the privilege
of shaveing themselfs every A. NJ. and
a specially going shopping in barber
shop once In while for hair cut or
something, but unfortunately most of
the fair sex is like the Russians and
either don't or don't have to do neither
one, and won't never know what they
are missing. Only some Of the gals
that's in the business of pairing your
nails can even guess at the delights
of a barber shop.
Shaveing yourself is sport enough
and always keeps me laying in bed a
couple of extra hrs. looking forward
to it but the real treat comes when
the hair begins to drape itself down
around the ears and you get hint
from some reliable source that 1t
would be feasible to her if you spent
the lunch hr. in tonsorial parlor, be-
cause what is the use of looking like
virtuoso when you got name that
can be pronounced.
Well l was out In old Chi few
weeks ago and to show you what ]
went through I'll tell you what went
through. In the first place / roamed
into barber shop which is like most
other barber shops on acct. Of the
BARRIERS being natives Of the country
where the national flower is garlic,
and clumb into q steamer chair and
d. Annunzio tied on my napkin and
leant over me SO as we was on init
mate terms and asked me what did
/ want. AS soon as l got so as I
could breathe says wanted my hair
trimmed and also myself and shave
besides. And I says:
"Just trim my hair around the edges
and don't use the clipper on the sides
and don't take even little bit off the
top"
mo-" he says. "You look like you
need some put on.
In the old days Of chivalry and
beauts they couldn't of been none Of
the former that could train a more
delicate compliment than barber.
What this wop meant to subtly con-
vey was that he had noticed me
enough to see that some of my hair
had fell down like London Bridge and
the Philadelphia Nationals.
Well he started out with the clip
pers at the base of the skull as per
orders, but the next thing l knew he
was way up above the ears with the
same utensil and had the right side
of the old bean pretty near bear be-
fore l could say Jack Robinson, which
incidentally l hadn't no desire to say,
a specially to q barber. Well, when
the right side of your head gets
shaved you have got to let the left
side know what the right side has
been haveing did to it, so told hin
to go ahead and when / got through
with the hair trim l looked like
left handler from Marion, Ohio.
Maybe l could have stopped him II
time if he hadn't started a fascinat
ing conversation in the original gar
lie.
"Was you at the worlds Series,
he says, and / says eyes"
"What did you think of it," he says
"Nobody that was there coul6
think" 1 says.
"Well,", he says, 'it was no surprise
to me-"
"No," says. "All us experts knew
how it was going to come out llk'
recent war between Germany ant
Turkey VS.. the Allies, but everybod,
was pretty reticent till it come out.
Ther he asked me what though
of the White Sox and the Cubs AM
Jack Dempsey and the Democrats IL
the order named, and l said l though
they would all lose and finely he aske'
me did l want shave and told hin
l don't never want one but there wa
certain party that insisted that
better get one once in while, s.
he begins to shave me and just the
a big thunder storm started outSld
where they most generally Away
starts, and it seems that this guy wa
a scared of thunder like a lot OF dog
and every time they was a clap Q
thunder he would lose control of tn
African stiletto and cut fresh slic
of boiled ham, so when he was throug
with that major operation ne aske
me what did l want on my halr an
tolG him my hat.
"Listen," he says. ibid you eve
have your hair cinched? 1t closes u
the ends and keeps the oil from come
ing out"
"Wel," says. II guess you ar
right as l made a few little inves
ments in oil wells that they told m
, was a cinch and no oil ever com
out"
"Wel," he says. II bet If you ha
YOUR hair cinched it would benet
your hair"
! "Never mind" says. II have gu
, betting on cinches."
"Well," he says. SLOW about
) little tonic"
| II suppose you want $40 pint
SAYS. "Nothing doing l know
DR.. where l can get prescription
"How about little O. d. Qu
nine," he asked me-"
So asked him how about lit
, speed and little check but the chez
said IS cents and the time elapsed We
/, / hr. and reckoning my time at
, cents per hr. makes a total OF I
: cents.
. So all in all / wish ladies of tt
opposing sex could spend term
/ a tonsorial parlor or library or lvin