Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1928-08-07

II has been such pleasure to have you,
articles and a ID sdTs s onE ios
much smoking and bridge, among femsls:
e city q Inc s Suburbs and nd myself totss
Ss Of q eSs su Sh the type "
myself, and finding my husband very much
e home with them and tin twsys, have
tines have s' felt ike isavins my home il
would be happier---as am miserable this
music. theater, novies--anythine but Jazz
and bridge, | have fine memory IN any.
smons u" these people. as only play a fair
game. My children, nursing and medicine
Il once registered for nurse 1-overruleo py
not in harmony at all. f. q.
Reply:
I print this letter as a sample Of the
many that raise the uestion whether
psychology can. contribute to the adjGst-
ment of domestic relations, and what
and how. Church and state have had
share In It, joining together man and
maid as husband and wife, and deter
mining how and when they shall be put
asunder II they fail to live happily
thereafter.
But so much Of this adjustment OF
one personality to another Is so in
timately personal that no one aspect
of regulation of human affairs can Of
fer O solution. We may have our
courts of domestic relations and our
church clinics to aid over the rough
places in personal conflict. but there
always will be personal clashes of tastes
and temperaments, of ideas and GUS
toms, and 1t is idle to hope that psy-
chology or sociology or any other
"ology' will ever formulate laws or
principles for their adjustment
Psychology, 1t is true, has wisely
taken into It's realm the important play
of conflict not only In the breeding of
nervous troubles, but in shaping the
impediments and obstacles to successful
living. One cannot live in state of
conflict and live happily and adequate
ly: and conflict includes the large range
Of antagonistic situations from slavery
and abiect fear, to protest and rebel
lion, and shades off into disagreement
and incompatibility and just drifting
apart and the thinning away Of the
strands that once held two souls to-
gether.
There is no science that can set Up
rules and recipes for making mar
riage, whether companionate or until
death do us part" companionable at all
stages Of the journey. The psychologist
will do well to avoid the suggestion that
he is In position TO give advice to the
lovelorn or the love worn: or that he
has any formula for regenerating wan
ing emotions, or avoiding the hazards
In the course of domestic relations.
While the reasons for this caution
are adequate and obvious without
specification, 1t is worth adding that
the decisive reason in most cases, as In
the one cited, is that only those IN
tinately acquainted with all the cir
cumstances are in position TO give
advice. If any. Should one venture It,
he may find himself in the position of
q politician who made what he believed
was fine speech on great occasion:
he asked shrewd Quaker what he
thought of the effort. well. friend,
II was q good speech. but a wiser man
would have made better speech, and
a still wiser man would have made no
speech at all"
Most of all Is this true Of the many
cases. like the one cited. in which the
clash or friction or disagreement Is
limited In scope, however unfortunate.
In consequence. Couples cannot be