The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1928-05-25
HANdOuTS

IT is rumored that Secretary of
Estate Kellogg will get the Nobel
prize for promoting international
peace.
We suggest awards to a number
of other benefactors of humanity;
Morris Hillquit, for the self-sacri-
ficing spirit which he has displayed
in mulcting fat fees from labor
unions.
Mrs. Knapp, for honesty in Of
flee.
Mayor Walker, for services rend-
cred to several million straphang-
ers.
Calvin Coolidge for the fearless
and courageous manner in which
he has exposed the predatory ih-
terests of Wall Street.
Andy Mellon, for exposing Harry
Sinclair's contributions to the re-
publican campaign fund.
COL AUERBACH, 21-year old in.
- structor at the University of Penn
sylvania has been fired for advocat-
ing the recognition of the Soviet
Union. The authorities told him that
sit was felt incompatible for teacher
in the department to take a stand
publicly on public question" We
hereby suggest that Nicholas Miracu-
lous Butler be canned from Columbia
for advocating publicly the repeal of
the Prohibition amendment.
THAT horse fair of braying mules,
1 euphemistically referred to as con-
gress, is shown with lantern-sIide Wv
idness in an endearing scene by the
publication of the following item in
the Washington News, Scripps-
Howard tabloid: This newspaper pro-
poses, from this time forward, to pub
lish as news the appearance on duty
of any so-called dry member of the
house or senate in an obviously in
eating prohibitionist wanders aim
lessly about the senate chamber DUR
ing the discussion of important bust
ness and finally interrupts to ask tho
presiding officer, 'Whass bizness be-
fore house?' or when a similar ex-
ponent of the VOlstead act has to
hang hard to the edge of his desk.
while his legs weave unsteadily under
him as he attempts to make a speech,
or when a champion of the 18th
amendment relapses from maudlin
inattention into snoring sleep in the
midst of senate session, the News
will undertake to make his condition
clear to its readers"
No sooner had the above announce
ment appeared than Senator Cara
soay of Arkansas fle10 into rosa,
grew aOhite about the mouth and de-
mdalded that the Ne1Os print names.
TIE Ne1Us thereupon burst forth ia
its true capitalist colors by remain
ing silent. On account of the libel
loa0s 1t cannot be said that Senator
Cdraq0ay aUas ever drunk. 1t has been
noted, however, that Senator Cara
Uay aOa1ders absent-neindedly about
the house qOhile it is IN session, that
has line of progress is not the short
est distance bet1Oeen t1Oo points and
that he has been k1toa0n to interrupt
the presiding officer IN order to be
better informed as to a0hGt is going
ON. 1t is also indisputable that he
comes from Arkansas.
THE righteous members Of con-
L gress are quite irritated at their
tactless brothers. These dignified
people who have suffici ent sense of
morality to do their Illegal drink
ing in their paramours' apartments
scOrn those who drink Ostentatious-
ly. Any respectable shyster des-
pises the man who performs with
lead pipe. Congress is irritated.
What august body busily engaged
in the important business of divid-
ing the loot of a nation wants its
attention distracted by silly roy
sterers?