New Britain herald., 1928-08-25
ANDY TELLS MARY
ABOUT BALL GAME
Why He Left Her Home Is
Extremely Apparent


Dear Mary Ann:
l was kinda surprised the other
night when you called me up asking
! Why didn't | take you to the Eastern.
league ball game that saw during
the day. Well. Mary, as | am thu.
kind OF a guy that calls a spade by
It's front name I'll spill the news
gently SOS You won't get peeved and
grab yourself another happy
lucky Romeo. ! was gonna take YOU
to the game which costs rs cents
but | knows that you don't under
stand enough about baseball to en-
] JOY 1t. especially IS cents worth. Be
SIDES was Juggling a roll that a mo-
Sdulto could swallow in one natural
n1outhful even if he had tonsi)itis
and not give him blood pressure.
Anyways you, always ask more
/ questions than a flock of kids al a
curious and if they's anything that
makes my goat stray from the pick
/ ef and Kick up dust it's having
somebody ask questions, such as did
the batter knock out that three bag
ger accidentally. or was it done on
purpose. Although I've explained
the game to YOU many times you
Stlll think The home plate" was
bought IN the grocery department of
( a and 10 cent store, and that the
pitchers box is a place where pho
% q I
the pitcher got slammed outa the
box you wants to know who slam
med him, and why.
! explains that the batter won't
hit because he's "hugging" the plate,
ana you asks if he's gonna put both
arms around it, or only one. And II
| it's true that the catcher wears a
muzzle SOS he won't bite. or is if
because he's so bashful or to keep
ms map from getting sunburned.
And what a good looking chap the
shCrtStOp would be if lie only had
Pls uniform pressed and his shoes
shlncd, etc. And if the wire in front
OF the stands is to keep the fans
from going out into the field and
its true that no guy is eligible to
play unless he can chew gum or to-
hacco at rapid rate, and does they
buy there chewing stuff in one doz-
en- lots, such as the balls are pur-
chased.
After l explains who the captain
Is you spoils it all by asking if the
rest of the crew are called deck
hands Again when getting the dia-
nond in readiness by having some
bimbo tow a bundle of chicken wire
that resembles a boarding house
hedspring, you suggest they cement
the infield and then the only care
would be TO sweep it off. Also when
TINS same bimbo uses rake to
smooth the ground near the bases
you asks if he's gonna start a gard
on and If he's so dumb as to think
he can raise anything excerpts corns
lou also asks why don't the play
ers wear straw kellys SOS they can
lift them completely from their
beans when acknowledging the APP
plause of the fans after making a
difficult catch. instead of merely |
touching the peaks of their caps. |
Even though | feeds you peanuts to
keep YOU quiet You talks between
until the guys in front !
looks around at me pityingly and re-
marks. of all the places to take a
jane, he had to bring her here"
Not that ] care what they says, only 4
sometimes it makes NE feel as pnl-
barrassed as guy caught In the act
)f drinking outa the finser-bowl.
Also when the 3rd bdseman and
'hortstop tries for a pop-fly. and
one of EN- holds up a mitt and yells,
i have it." you remarks. Huh, II
I've never seen an infielder yet that
1as 1T" Then again when / ex-
plains that a batter Sacrificed" you
with. "Yeh, l understands