Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1928-01-20
Making the Grade
BY BYRON E. COONEY

! pugilistic circles and knows his uta
bagas.
Il have always favored noiseless soups
says Dixie.
OTHERWISE I am opposed to any re-
strictions. II a man is thirsty he ought
TO get his soup in the first round. even
if he has to rough it."
DAN milestone of Cut Bank. the world
renowned paragrapher, is conservative,
however.
mo red-blooded American" says Dan,
will yodel his soup. Soup is not a
musical or vocal art. Soup is silent in
all Americas leading soup Kitchens"
]. Wash Mccormick OF Missoula, the
we'll known Montana Chesterield-and
lucky strike co~mbined-has written me
a scholarly monograph on
THE Abolition of the Oyster Cracker"
"CO-INCIDENT with the overthrow Of
the Car OF Russia" writes Mr.. Nc
Cormick, "the rise OF Mussolini. the
coming Of short skirts and the veto Of
the McNary-Haugen bill
THE putting Of crackers in soup was
officially banned and we must bow to
conveptions-even democratic conven-
tons"
I admit that when I enter a cafe / in
stinctively reach for the oyster crack
ers which I used to crumble delicious
ly into my consomme.
THEY are mon est" mix kamerous," or
in Greek Omega epsilon" If you now
DELVING into NEUROLOGICAL and tradi-
tional Homeric legends I find Tele-
machus was in the habit of breaking
Saratoga flakes into his wine and /
presume the custom
ORIGINATED there. 1t is still done in
Greek restaurants. Bill Davey of Butte
says a man can do what he likes with
his crackers as long as he pays for
them.
THE situation is tense and many social
leaders are consequently eliminating
the soup course, entirely.
MANY families however do not possess
ga oOoP LA11 NC o4pRCA
from two-handled cups. If there is
nothing better to put into the cups.
IF a cup has only one handle it generally
contains something Disappointing, like
coffee.
HOWEVER, Roman punch should never
be served at Ku Klux banquets.
I am getting only partial and qualified
support.
ON the rehabilitation Of the cuspidor my
contemporaries and colleagues sound q
drawer note.
WILD Bill Donald" Of Milestone writes
me comfortingly:
THE cuspidor problem is practically
solved by the open fireplace, now SO
much the vogue IN modern drawing
rooms.
ANY true westerner who cannot hit an
open fireplace from any part Of the
room belongs in the efete east and
should be ostracized."
SOCIETY is cruel. Like a Juggernaut 1t
has destroyed the cuspidor, the oyster
cracker. the b~ootjack, the roller towel
and the good, old reliable celluloid col
lar.
1T prescribed the red necktie, and prize
fighters have never been the same
since.
1T abolished the silk hat and destroyed
the last evidence Of many a mans pre-
eminence and affluence.
|
WHERE are the sp%ellbinders and the well
kin ringers Of yesteryear since the silk
hat went the way Of the hustle and
the corset?
WHO is there, has not a guilty con-
science when he besmirches the i'm
maculate purite Of q virgin guest
towel?
ONCE I wore a Prince Albert coat and a
hard-boiled shirt and people respected
me
NOW my haberdasher wants to sell me a
baa-baa coat fresh from the sheep,
A tartan sweater and a come-apart soft
shirt. I've been pulling my shirt on
over my head for nigh onto so years
and I'm not going to stop now.
SINE DAY the masses ars going to rise in
their wrath and effect q social coup de
etat
bootIacks will recover their pres
tige beside shoe trees.
ROY Alley, mayor Of Pipestone, had 80
brocaded vests before the bear raid on
fancy vests
AND the market never recovered.
HOWS Bruce Kremer going to get even
on the falling market on canes2
II you carry a walking stick now you get
arrested and have to show a sprained
ankle.
LOOK at our menus nowadays.
Ell where us common people get
in Dutch.
V been eating hors-d'oeuvre for nigh
on ~ years and don't know yet II
tneyre hsh or parsnips.
l don't want to meow but they told ma