The producers news. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1918-1937, 1928-01-27
STAHLBERGER
SANDWICHES
IN AFTERNOON WITH
THE GRUNDYS
By John Arthur Stahlberg

by JOHH ATI0uf SCanlDefg
Those were feverish days for the
Grundys. Martha Snoop, by virtue of
long practice, a vivid imagination and
untiring jaws, had become the recog-
nlzed leader of the Society's activities.
1t was only fitting, therefore, that in
the present crisis she should be MAX
ing truly noble efforts. Not in five
years had the Society had such a sue
culent bit Of gossip in which to fas-
ten its vulgar fangs-nay, nor in five
and-twenty! Small wonder, then, that
Martha Snoop had for the moment
become female Hercules of scandal.
She knew the value of this sensation,
did Martha. Her wrinkled leathery
face, for all the world like a section
of time-yellowed parchment, crinkled
and cracked itself into the semblance
of a smile, and she licked her chops
In lewd satisfaction.
The commonest of bawds would
seem almost sanity by comparison
with Martha. For the frankly bad
woman makes no bones about the
matter of her badness, and is power
less to harm the wary, but Martha is
equally dangerous to saint and sinner
and is the more so because she hides
evil intent behind a sanctimonius
| front.
Martha bestirred herself and called
her cronies into conference. Her in
vltatlons to them were entirely pro
per and give no hint as to the ma
ture Of the gathering she planned
She called it, indeed, a dinner. but
the prospective guests knew that No
mere 1000 would be offered up to
their appetities at any dinner that
Martha announced thus suddenly.
In truth, the matter of food was
soon forgotten altogether when they
were assembled. Instead of eating
And they say" quoth Martha
that ne sold the car, with the
mor-gidge still on it, and spent the
money, and the poor boy that bought
IL couldn't get any sort of title to Il
altho he'd paid for it once, but he
mad to settle for the mor-gidge first
and there were some Carriage hills
against it, too, and / don't see WIN
the boy" etc., etc., etc.
Shocked Chorus: "You don't SAW
etc. say
And then he went and hired a car
and a person would think that he
might just as well have used tbf
money to pay some of his bills with
but instead he went and hired q cor
and went to see that-that awful orr
=, in Difference to the Society,",
IlFm stand for delicacy, Martha.
voice sank to a salacious whiper-
and they went out riding, and Gran
ny Fry says she heard somebody sa,
That Mrs. Eavesdrop saw them, anc
| Know Granny wouldn't lie to me. she
beng such an old friend to my moth.
er, and--and all, and the way thel
1llrted and carried on was was
enough to Martha rsr
down, thru sheer poverty of words.
Shocked Chorus: "Aint it awful!'
Martha's audience were experienced
and understood her loss of sneech
They glared around belligerentiv. as
II daring anyone to deny that it was
awful: AS an unimportant after
thought, one of them added: "Thinl
OF his poor mother!"
Each of them thought of his moo,
mother for a space. and decided tboI
she must be informed of anv new do.
velopment that might come to light
Not that she would listen; but they
would know how to give her the in
Iormatlon In the most innocent Of
possible gulses. Their own sons wer,
not Vlrtuous, and their supreme de
llghC, therefore, lay in calling tn,
attention of other mothers IN +be sin,
of their offspring. -''
And if it's true, everything the,
say, and | don't see why people Should
lie about it, being that he's one q
Inc helgh6or boys and all, so it mus
De true, why, think it's a wonder h,
aldnt get that that girl in troubl,
long ago. Of course - Won cam
seu - maybe - for all anybod,
the putrid souls of her hearers basle'
III ene glory or this new suspicion.
And now he's been giving out
loe Oh pad checks, and Granny tell
me she heard somebody say thai
eney We been talking about that he'll
proDly be arrested, and he's running
around l with that crooked bunch down
az Miles City, and, Just think! hi.
IoiSs don't even know where he is
am; ana | s'pose he'll get arrested, anc
lIi break his poor mothers heart
sne oelng so sick and - and all
mere IN accordance with the Society,"
creed, Martha affected to be deeply
moved, but the sorrow in her eve wa
rendered indistinct by the CLEAN o.
satisfaction in the self same eye
sam and goodness only knows where
It'll all end" ETC., etc. etc.
shocked chorus: Bzzl bzzl bzz-z-z
And the like.