Plentywood herald. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1908-current, 1928-01-27
Making the Grade
BY R E. COONEY

| can't beat that anywhere"
IT'S tough to be handicapped in a con-
versation like that.
I felt like a boob. 81 a tonsilitis once
I yentured.
THEY all gave me dirty. scornful looks
I could see I couldn't get anywhere with
my tonsilitis stuff.
MY little 4-year-old boy had his tom
sils out" said the truck driver. Ton
sis amt nothing-absolutely nothing
I shut up.
THE policeman came in and cut of q
piece OF cheese n put it between two
crackers II listened while they talked,
WHEN he got a chance n had eaten
his sandwich, he cut in ahead of one
of the other ~loudspeakers.
WHEN I was operated or for ulcers of
the stomach I was three hours on the
table. They cut me wide open from
here to here and it cost me $1,000 cash"
HE indicated an incision on his uniform
from his chin to his trousers.
THERE was six doctors present and they
said they never seen anything like it.
One of the medical journals wrote 1t
up. l lave the clipping yet"
"OF course the doctor who did the cut
ting was the best doctor in America.
When you have one Of those SUPERIOR
erations you don't want no Jim Grow
surgeon.
my surgeon was no jim Crow surgeon,
III have you understand snapped the
grocer. "All the medical and surgical
profession looked up to him. When l
paid him I said to him,
DOCTOR, I wish I had another appen-
Xix SO I could have that cut out too
at the same price. That's what l said
to him.
THERE was a big rancher who hadn't
said much but l could see he was get
ting impatient.
TWO or three times he started to talk
but some M horned him out.
HE jumped into a pause like a duck
into q pond.
NONE of you fellows will know what
health is till you get rid Of your gall
bladder. That's what's wrong with 90
per cent of the people-it's their gall"
HUNDREDS of doctors shook their heads
about me and gave me up. One said
it was the effect of measles when ! was
a child and another said 1t was broken
arches"
"AT the hospital. the doctor took one
look at me and said only n word:
"'GALLr Just like that.
WHEN I woke up it was gone and I
haven't been a day sick since, except for
fit and asthma n one siege OF pleur-
isy.
"IT took seven cans of ether to knock
me out-seven cans, mind you.
THE nurse said she never seen anything
like It,"
UP to this time / had never suffered from
inferiority complex but now / was over
whelmed with 1t.
I sneaked out before I should become
the subject of ridicule.
MY pain had gone away but I still had
a good
I rushed to Helena.
TO DR.. Sid Cooney I said, Doctor, /
simply have to have something cut
out"
CUT out the BOOZE he joked. Fancy
joking with a man in my condition.
Copperthwaite in Butte gave me a
prescription for spiritus frumenti.
you don't need an operation" he said
firmly. besides, I specialize in OBJ
stetrics."
DIR. Lhodka examined me thoroughly. He
is the great Bohemian specialist.
YOU have a very bad case CT hypocon-
driac dementia" he said.
II knew it all the time" I cried. greatly
cheered.
YOU are subject to spasmodical chronic
Authorizations n mental alterations"
he added.
FINE" I said. What will al operation
cost?"
1T cannot be operated on" he said.
THE trouble lies in the cerebral cavity
Of the Uranium n cannot b ire
PANIED for"
II think" said 1, that you are calling
me m Talk English"
You will first pay me $40 for consulta-
ton" / told him l would.
"ALL the time I have been telling you
that your trouble is in your head. Yor
are q fool. There Is nothing wrong
with you. Goodbye"