White Bluffs spokesman. [volume] (White Bluffs, Wash.) 1907-1938, 1928-06-08
Tale of Village
Firenen
By RING LARDNER

won give no lllDt us TO lne 1ue0-
tity of the town where the scene of
this little article is laid only to say
that 1t Is a suburb Of the largest city
east of Green River, Wyoming, and
can be reached by motor from the
midst of the large city referred to in
35 minutes.
Well, like practically every town Of
population of II and upwards this
town has got fire dept. and like a
whole lot Of them, this fire dept. Is
what Is known as volunteer fire
dept. which means that the members
amt supposed TO get nothing but
glory. Well, they's man living in
this town who is in the theatrical
business in one way and another and
one day the chief of the fire dept
asked him would he join the fire dept.
and he says yes on acct. of being pub
lie spirited SO he bought himself a
rubber coat and a helmet and pair
Of rubber boots and staid home sew
eral nights with the windows open
so as he would sure and hear what Is
known in the town as the sireen.
Well, the sireen did not blow and
did not blow and finely our hero, who
we will call Mr.. Kloot, reed. card
saying they would she meeting of
the dept. at the fire house the fol-
lowing night and would he please try
and attend. The dept. meets once
every 2 weeks to disgust prohibition.
Well, Mr.. Kloot attended the meeting
there and he knowed the most of
them. The chief is building con-
tractor and the asst. chief Is the towns
most prominent plumber. Others who
he recognized was all we'll known
citizens in various walks of life.
Amongst them was dentist, the supt.
of the gas company, plasterer,
painter, mason, paper hanger, an
insurance man and etc.
Well, they sat around the whole
the sireen did not blow, but the meet
ing could not of been adjourned more
than or 10 minutes when 1t did
blow and the firemen rushed back to
the fire house and clumb aboard the
vehicles with which the dept. Is
equipped.
MIR. KIoot happened to board the
same vehicle rs the chief and the both
of them was right close to the driver.
"Whose place is 2" shouted the chief
nc m vnhtp1n rDnlylncc1v down
Boulevard. 81. M. Taylor's," the
driver shouted back l.. M. Taylor be-
ing the towns millionaire worth more
than S150,00O. "Well, what's your
hurry?" shouted the chief and the
driver slowed down little. vile Mr..
Kloot did not know what to think.
Well, they got to the fire and 1t did
not look like a very big fire for such
big house and in fact Mr.. Taylor's
Chinese help had just about put it
out with the aid of few settler
bottles, but the fire dept. seemed to
think the danger was nowheres near
over and vile some Of them connected
couple of sections of hose with the
nearest hydrants. others entered the
house through the front and back
doors and up ladders through the I'd.
story windows and begin welding
their axes VS.. walls, closets and etc.
One stream of water was turned on
the entire upstairs and another on the
ground floor and In few minutes the
family and the servants and the fire
men moving hither and thither was
instinctively shouting ship ahoy.
Mr.. Kloot strayed into the bathroom
and found the asst. chief cutting holes
in the different pipes. safety first"
said the asst. chief. "Many home
has burned to the ground on acct. of
hidden flames in the plumbing" Mr..
kloot walked into master bedroom
on the I'd floor and seen 2 firemen
with axes eXcavating the floor safety
first" said one of them. "If we should
all half to go downstairs in hurry.
they'd be n panic on the stairs so 1t
is best to have place big enough to
drop through"
Mr.. Kloot encountered Mr.. Taylor,
the owner of the house. A couple of
fremen was talking to him. "Was
you covered by insurance? asked one
of them mot fully" says Mr. Tny
lor. SWELL" says the fireman. this
should ought TO learn you a lesson"
"rhs fire." said the other fireman
to Mr.. Taylor was caused by defec.
tive wiring II yon would use gas for
IT,, l,i ~ II ',
Mr.. Kout next met Mrs. Taylor and
her two kids In company with still
another fireman. The lady and the
kids was open mouthed with horror
and the fireman was looking into
their mouths. Madam" he says,
"you have got advanced case of
pyorrhea and your kids has got cavi
ties that makes the grand canyon look
like dimple. II is a good thing
to drop In"
In the early hours OF the morning
the Gremen decided they was nothing
more to be done and left what might
now be laughingy referred to as the
house. AIR Kloot was the last to
leave and Mr. Taylor accompanied
him to what had formerly been the
front door.
81 feel like had been giving n old.
fashioned at home" said Mr. Taylor
and pulled out Of his pocket small
pack of cards. the business cards of
the towns volunteer fire dept.
Next morning Mr.. Kloot called up
the chief and submitted his reslgna.