White Bluffs spokesman. [volume] (White Bluffs, Wash.) 1907-1938, 1928-07-06
: Telephone Directory
VS.. Encyclopedia
By RING LARDNER

the United States that still thinks we
wasn't justified or something in de.
claring war on Germany, but / guess
these birds would feel different if they
stopped to think that it was q Ger.
man that invented the telephone and
If Louvain and the sinking of the
Louisiana was crime, what about
the invention Of the telephone which
comes from the Greek words tele,
meaning far off, and phone, meaning
sound and maybe it is on acct. of me
liveing in Great Neck which isn't far
from the Sound why maybe that is
why the telephone service isn't So
we'll you know.
When man stops to think that the
telephones are invented by German,
why you can't help but believe the
rest about them for inst. inventing
tear gas and etc. but not only that
but it also shows how VS.. democracy
they was when they invented some
thing that nobody but only the leisure
class can use because for inst. | and
you could not never afford it even ii
we only figured our time on 10c per hr.
which nobody gets as little as that
now days only the president of Har-
ward college or a soldier or some.
thing. For inst. if ! am out here in
Great Neck and want to talk to some
body in N. Y. City why it wouldn't
only cost ME about $500 to go down
there and see them why If telephoned
it would be Soc for the call and 2
days to put it through and if
worked on s hr. basis on 1Oc per hr.
why that would be a total of $1.50 for
the 2 days that it took for them to
put the telephone call through where
could go down and see them and
get back in hrs. or some such figure.
But in the case Of the leisure class,
it's different as the only real work
they half to do the whole yr. around
is make out their income tax blanks
which only takes months to figure
out how they can beat the govt. and
if it was not for the telephone they
wouldn't know what to do the rest of
their time where as now when they
get tired # poker and bridge and etc.
and have got few days left on their
hands why all as they half to do to
kill couple of days is try and get
somebody on the telephone.
But don't want my genial readers
to think this crabby article means
that I don't hold no brief for the tele-
phone company. On the other hand,
if it was not for German inventing
the telephone why they wouldn't of
been no American inyenting the tele-
phone directory which is the greatest
institution we got left here from
amusement pit. of view.
The telephone directory has never
been gave the credit it deserves and
personly have got regret in life
which is that l didn't keep all the
telephone directories which was ever
gave to me as it would save me from
buying cyclopedia which costs 500
a case which opposed to telephone
directory that don't cost nothing if
you ever get it and has got 8 or 8
times as many names in it and be-
sides that the names in the cyclopedia
is 900 dead compared to the names
in the telephone directory which is
only 5000 dead when you try and call
them up.
l also wished l could bring 4th a
modern vol. to prove my assertions,
but unfortunately the only telephone
books l got in the house is the latest
one from Great Neck where you al
ready know the number of the grocery
store and the butcher shop and the
taxi cab Co. and Mr.. Guam WIN loans
you money and also the N. Y. City
telephone directory of May 2, 1917,
and l suppose if live here couple
more years they will give me Octo-
Der book of 1917 and keep me up to
date.
So l will half to prove my point if
any by quoting from the N. Y. City
telephone directory of May 2, 1917, as
follows as they say:
In the first place it says that use
full information can be found on Page
II. So you turn to Page II and the
first thing that strikes you in the eye
ball is q ad that says we sell artificial
limbs that fit. Well, suppose that
some morning you was to wake up
and have craveing for artificial
limb that fit you and you didn't know
how to go about it to get one and they
was not no telephone directory in the
home why here would you be at?
You would half to call up and ask for
information which is another word
for practical joke and they would fine
ly give yon firm that sold artificial
limbs that didn't come near fitting
and you would buy l and half to walk
down the st. all out Of kilter and peo-
pie would look at you and make you
feel like fool.
On Page % they give you informa-
ton for telephone users which they
don't claim is useful but it says you
can call information free of charge
and also the Co. wants criticism but
it should always be made by tele-
phone, why by the time you reach the
party it would be or 4 yrs. later and
the management would of changed.
All told, 1t looks to me like the
telephone which was made In Ger
many was enough excuse for us fight
ing them where as the telephone di.
rectory which was made in America
is a work that ought to go down In
history like "Huckleberry Finn" or
"Casey Jones" or something.
p, s. The book also says that they