Evening star., 1928-02-16

secretary WICuE Is just HOTElu. <1t
! Is worse than bolshevist!"
The bridge party was fully agreed
on the ju-tice Of that appraisa! by th7
Queen OF Hearts, Miss Tobasco. but II
had taken one OF exceptional pep-ro'
meaning pepper--to express It,
Nine, Chapercn. who had just re-
turned from a presentation at th1
court Of George Y. was not In toucl,
with public sentiment and nleekly IN
Quired why the head Of the Navy had
become so impossible"
"I-1-thought Mr. Wilbur was such
handsome. outstanding American.
she protested "He is always beaui-
fully groomcd and fashionably dressed, v
Handsome Is that handsome does
Miss Tcbasco explained. Why. don
you know, Mrs Chaperon. that he de-
clarcs that there are times when gun
powder Is more valuable than face
powder! The very idear!"
"Yes, he said so when he made q
speech in Hoosierdom last week. and
he repeated 1t even before Mr.. Mad
dcn's committee Of Congress. But what
can we expect from militarfst? sup
plemented little Miss Goldenlocks,
Next thing We know he Will be ar
guing that blood Is rcdder than rous'
and thicker than ruree. HE even at
tacks us girls by saying that II We
would stop candy for one year 'nc
saving would pay the entire program
Of building up the Navy for nine years
VIII you please pass the chocolates
| Miss Tobasco?"
isn't that just like the men-al-
ways wanting us women TO economlze
He didn't say q word about men throw
ing away their pipes and choking OF
the barking dogs. He counts our canay
at $3.50 900 900 year. and tue Navy
building for nine years at $f40,0Oo.0o0
AnyhoW, that leaves us Sio,00uo ouo even
In the FIRST year for peppermints and
chocolates ! could cat that mucn my
self. but YOU know I'm reducing now
Down with the Navy! Hoch der candyi
Everybody laid down the cards and
cheered and In the midst of the moo
rays MIR. Sam Patch, uncle OF Miss To-
basco was announced. He had come
IN convey his niece home In the Nmou
| sine Uncle Sam" Is famoua-~a good
scout who knows beans" whether III
| London or Boston,
Hear. Hear! What Is this?" he
| inquired, when he and his niece were
| seated IN the automobile, You de-
| nouncing the Navy? Why, why. susan
| ma, III huEpIi&u ht YOU
We'll. Uncle Sam, he picked on Us
first. why didn't he jump on mems
pipesp He said We girls spend too
much on cosmetics and beauty parlors
! ~~Sl .325, 900 900 DO you think that Il
much? Don't We have To be mashaged
| and manicured? Isn't II just AS I'm"
| portant To have permanent waves as
| TO build ships to sail waves that aren't
| permanent"
oh tut tut, heard that speech,
and ] recall that he did refer Ia the
| cost Of tobacco In 20 years 10000
| 900 600" declared Uncle Sam.
Yes but maybe that included what
| cigarettes We ladies use Eve gave
| Adam the green apple but the men
| taught VS. to smoke. and now they tw't
| lis with their billions for tobacco III
general, Just In throw "A smoke screen
over mems pipes. And as that isn't
| mean enough. he says our cosmetic
| and beauty parlors in the same 20 years
VIII cost $40 800. 600. 900 How does he
| know? lie Just added that extra half
! billion 80 he could blame the women
| We haven't been smoking 20 years, and
modern rouge and permanent waves are
| young yet Grandma says she never
uaed 10 darken her eyelahhes OF rouge
| her lips"
Yes quite young and fappcrly. =
conceded Uncle Bam, "But now. little
girl let your old uncle tell you some
thing which you ought To know"
| "Oh. Uncle Sam, ] don't want my
mind improved"
| 1T isn't what you wantrit's what
you need, Susanna, Your pfehent mind
would beat rich man Ia going through
the eye Of d needle"
Isn't that heavenly. Uncle hamp
guess III keep Il nice and slender. lusi
| like that I'm reducing. yon know"
'in the first place, this Nation must
he able to defend itself IN case u gets
| into another war, II mtlat be able Ia
protect our merchant marine In time
nt peace. everywhere" continued uncle
Sam. In all seriousness.