Putnam patriot. [volume] (Putnam, Conn.) 1872-1962, 1928-08-16

est beard / had ever seen, why ana
you dispose Of IL y
Although being modest he replied
that he had lost the beard IN the war "
Although there has been much discus
sion as to who really won the war, "
he said, Il, individually, won the
war, alone. and unaided You may
doubt this but you will agree with
me when you hear The story. ! told
IL 10 a large audience Of members Of
the American Legion.in Boston. not
only convinced them but they took up
q collection and gave me So each. This
is a smaller audience and you may
each give me $40. You may get the
money ready for | know you will be
convinced" said he. amid laughter.
The great leader then told Of three
tours he made in Germany. The first
time he met the Kaiser and was duly
saluted each time they passed At
first the Kaiser would have warm
smile but towards the end he wore a
worried laok
Two years later when he again
met the Kaiser the Kaiser wore a
seowl. After the lapse Of another
two years he was again in Germany
and the Kaiser would not meet him.
When the ha:ser saw him coming he
wcaid dodge up side street.
II am second TO none as mird
reader" said the speaker. 'and |
knew II got near enough TO the
Kaiser could read his mind and
find out what was the trouble. One
day the kaiser's chauffeur drove right
up to him and he discovered what
the Kaiser was peeved about-"He
was jealous of my beard said the
March King. When he left Germany
he determined he never would return
as long as the Kaiser was there.
For Revenge
During the war he went into the
navy. Just for revenge against the
Kaiser, If i ever came across him." he
said. He was on the flagship Pennsyl-
vania. The ship was lying in Hampton
Roads when cable was received I:
Our backs are to the wall" The
ships officers were called together and
discussion ensued. He finally told
them that he could end the war.
How can you end the war;" was
asked.
by shaving off my beard"
All agreed il was a terrible sacrifice
and after considerable wrangiinR a
vote was taken. The sacrifice was
made on the strength of one deciding
vote. Il went 70 the ships barber and
said | wanted my beard shaved off
The barber refused. 1T is orders
shave her Off" / said
"The beard came Off. | then sent a
cable TO Won Hindenburg: Tell Bill j
have shaved Off my beard Word was
received back: The Armistice was
signed today" (Laughter).
A Fling At Boston
The Lieutenant Commander then
took little fling at Boston. He said
that some years age he was a student
of Einstein's theory of RELATIVELY
When he got to Boston he asked the
station master what was interesting
Boston at that time and was surprised
TO find it to be the very subject he had
been studying. He asked the station
master If he could explain RELATIVELY 10
him and was told that it could be done
but the stationmaster didn't have time
He was referred TO "a guardian of the
law. They don't call them cops in
Boston," and the first officer he met he
asked TO explain Einstein's theory
1.-THE cop stopped traffic and talked for
ten minutes and at the end Of that
time, although had read and also at
tended many lectures, | had a better
knowledge Of the subject than ever be.
fore and was able 20 converse intelli.
gently with anyone"
This year he was interested in 0
book, "The Pivot of Civilization" and
bought copy. "No, didn't buy 1t, j
had il charged" he corrected, and
found the first line spoke of birth con.
troll, the next line Of eugenics, and SC
through 1896 pages"
Now in our band" he continued
I'VE have breath control. At six o..
clock in the morning all the musicians
meet and take their instruments and
see who can blow the longest The
winner is decorated with badge. II
you see musician today with a badge
you viii knew he is the greatest blow.
err in the band today.
Following a concert in Boston q
lady came TO me and said that the con.
cert was wonderful and asked me how
/ il was possible for me to hold the notes
4 for so long. Unthinkingly / replied
II is birth control She said TO me
How would like TO be the mother Of
your children.