New Britain herald., 1928-03-17
ANDY USES RADIO,
 HAS USUAL RESULT
Hears Lecture on Chickens and
 Talk on Main Street
(Contributed)

Dear Mary Ann.
 The other night I dusts off the radio and after chasing this guy static and his gang off the aerial I gets a station and hears a professor or something from some agriculture school hand the customers a spiel on chicken raising. IT seems its possible 10 raise chickens without the aid Of an elevator or yeast SO they'll grow up 10 be healthy hens and be able 10 support themselves with only the help of the next door neighhor's garden. 1T the hens are feeling melancholy and breeding over something or other you should dust 'em off with a feather duster which would tickle lem so much they'd cackla with delight and may be reward you with eggs.
 The chickens will be more con- tented if their GOODS have curtains for the windows, sun porches for chilly weather, etc. Also see that they are properly combed and have a rooster to act as q foreman to see they don't loaf on the job. Not be- ing interested in the kind Of chick ons that live in GOODS I tunes in on Main Street" sketches from New York. VI here a fella was telling about his home town in Bingville Center. Speaking of my home town" says this himbo. who drawled a good na- tured line of batter 10 willing listen CTS. the people lead such an empty life that even their faces look Va cant.
 Most of them go to bed so early and sleep so late they have time for only one meal a day, Some guys go 10 bed clean shaven and sleep so long that when they wakes up they needs a shave and a haircut. After nine o'clock at night the only form Of entertainment was in having a nightmare. So many people walked around in their sleep this year the town had to hire six additional traf- fc cops to keep them from bump ing into each other. The men 20 10 work carrying mattresses so it'll be easier 10 lay down on the job. They seldom talk during workin 2 hours bectu it interferes with their yawning. The only difference be- { tween the live ones and the dead ones is that the latter mind their own business.
 "Once We had a wide awake man i,, tI,+ tb,y- tD keep him company and he died of . loncsomeness. The only exercise the people have is breathing. The ceme- tery is full of guys who forgot 10 take their daily exercise. The peo- pie are so quiet the only way to make them talk is to step on their toes. And then their conversation only lasts long enough to apologize for being in your way. Some guys We're so lazy they never chew to- bacco but swallowed it instead. The laZicst galoot was Bill Bent. Bll once dropped his pay envelope and instead of reaching for it he inserted an ad in the newspaper. Lost. Pay envelope. Return to Bill Bent
 "You've heard of the guy who was so stingy he wouldn't even give his wife q 'bawling out? And the guy who wouldn't take out his citizens papers because he'd hafta give his ageo Well, these lads had nothing on our Bent West. Ben was so stln- gv he built his house around d street rra irl then he'd stay up all night sos th' light wouldn't be wasted. AS q land lord Ben was so mean he even mas the sidewalks put out on the streef He'd call out the fire dept. tol amusement, instead of spending quarter to See a show. Later he'd send in a complaint to headquarter! saving that the men were slow II answering the false alarm.
 Ben was a. wise owl and got hi moneys worth when buying clothes He'd buy a suit so large he coult almost wrap it around him twice and use part Of the sleeves for neck scarf. I guess he figured or shrinkage. The suit was the kim
 
 that fitted comfortably on leavlns the store but when caught ill a raj, storm ii seemed 10 choke ever, muscle in his body. Two storms ant a shower made a vest out of hi coat and a pair of knickers out 0 his pants. Ben was the most hen prck.d lad in town. His wife belleN pd in keeping him under her thunll and wouldn't even let him hitch tn green colts 10 the farm wagon fo fear he'd learn how 10 kick ove the traces"
 They was lot more to the pro gram. Mary. but static and his trlh Of calamity howlers parks them selves on the line again, and by wa
 Of handing 'em the cold shoulde and merry raspDerries I shuts Oi