davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
THE MAIL

Says the first assistant postmaster general; Every hour Of every 94 the people drop into 50,26G post offices, 200,000 street boxes, 5o,000 mail chutes and other points Of contact about 3.o0o,oO pieces of mail-72, : 000,o00 pieces every day, or 2G,4o0,- 000. .000 every year and the number is constantly increasing. This means in terms Of weight about 4oO tons an hour, 940O tons day, or 3.424,- G45 tons a year. And if you desire 10 do a little computing you will find that 72.ooo,o0o pieces a day, averaging eight inches each in length, would extend 500 miles; that is, it would reach from Boston to San Francisco three tim mes-just one days work"
 What he didn't say is that the pro portion of love letters to circulars probably is 1 to 10000.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
SOMEBODY PAYS FOR IT

As everyone knows. nothing ot . commercial nature really is free. There always are strings of som' sort attaebed and in the radio world this also Is true. The listening pub r". sitting before their loud speakers, are apt 10 shake hands with them selves and eloat over the fact that they arc hearing the worlds most { nous artists free, 1lt are they .
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Middle age is that indefinite period when you begin 10 feel friendly toward life insuranc" agents.
 : But the pedestrian cant take his right Of way with him when he goes tC the hospital.
 Crooks should be kept out of baseball. They are needed 10 keep horse racing true to tradition.
 Simlc: As prosperous looking as q vacant business room Wiih q rum IA0ga sale sign in the window. Correct this sentence. "Hc talked about being sclf-madc but didn't seem proud of it."
 Copyright 1927, Publishers
 Syndicate
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

with that of Cousin Louise's and i Scotch blood in her veins. After | awhile somebody mournfully sup i poses that they should rehearse and they line up for the dress rehearsal of the Big Parade.
 Nobody can find Father who is down at the cigar store telling the | boys the latest one about the travel ; ling salesman, so little Roscoe is drafted to appear on the arm of the hur-rlde. Having left an important ! novel dealing with stage coach hold ups and couple of especially bloody murders, he is in no mood for the solemnitv of the occasion and has to be scolded. He finally tramps into the room dragging his sister after him and, whiriing her up to the proposed altar, snaps her around somewhat similar 10 the end man on a long string of skaters playing snap the Whip"
 The bridesmaid has started a con- versation with one of the ushers who ltiS uI Hl'tA III anu they agree 1nAI the bridesmaid doesn't need re- hearsal because she has so little 10 do. Bridesmaid and usher exit to keep a date.
 The bridegroom, beginning to feel qualms about the whole thing, de- oides to make a joke of it and waltz clogs Hp to the altar, the best man stopping 10 lie loose shoe lace. All agree that they are in prime form for the ceremony the next evening.
 The organ plays. The bride and Father make two false starts and swing into the music exactly out of step with both each other and the Mendelssohn Blues. Father tries to get in step on the way 10 the altar and resembles a fat and moustached little boy skipping to scaool. The bridesmaid brings up the rear. wondering just where she is sup posed to go and looking worried about it.
 The bridegroom is delayed when shirt stud pops and dashes in at the last minute, strengthening his tie and perspirng. The best man stumbles on the blidegroom's heels and they nearly collapse. Father forgets to turn aside at the altar and joins the wedding party. very nearly getting married to the bridesmaid br fore he wakes up and scurries back to the pew he is sup posed to occupy. Somehow the clergyman manages to keep a straight face and the service is or. Except for an unpleasant minute while the best man fears he has lest the ring. things progress even ly and without interruption.
 Getting into the car after the ceremony, however, things get all bawled up. The groom climbs in first, hitting his head on the top of the door The bridesmaid sits beside the groom. The best man gets in with the chauffeur and the bride las to run half a block to be in Cluded in the car at all.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Col. Theodore Roosevelt urges the republican party of New York to exert every effort 10 "dispel the shadow Of Tammany hall that lies athWart tho White House" Col. Roosevelt should know something or shadows athWart thn White House, He was member Of inc presidents $ official family when the oil scandal f1rs' began to brew in Teapot Dome.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Facts sondFancies

The naked truth is less attractive if bow-legged.
 Early to bed and early to rise saves the batteries.
 If the minority party is wise it lo!h-natcs good losers.
 Her favorite author is the one who writes the bargain day ads. II is the price tag that makes Hudson seal of the muskrat's pelt,
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Carry American Soil
 For Soldiers, Graves

Newport News, Va, Oct. 1. P>- Newport News soldiers sleeping in Flanders Field soon will rest be- meath the sod of their native land although their graves arc on French soil
 For Mrs Carter Perkins and R. Fl, Mitchell, representing the BraN- ton-Pcrkins Post No. 25, American Legion, at the Paris reunion, car ried with them a box of American soil to place over the graves of the heroes.
 Mrs. PNllins is the mother Of Lieutenant Robert Perkins, the American flyer who lost his life attling German airplanes over the German lines in France.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
The Trouble.

The Trouble! Morton: surely you cant reject my proposal You don't know the extent of my ycarnings." Lucille: No, but l know the ex- tent of your earnings."
 Mrs. l.. + HalVerson.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
2.,rz 4 ,rzr -m., 5.:,53s ,;13:',,s: @s1 IllI1I l1 ' |] ]| " lf. ,

If there isn't any hel. what be- comes of the driver who zips past and then slows down to feed you dust?
 The cynic discusses the rind; ovorlooks the heart Of the water melon.
 Ours i q polite nation. A woman has heen mentioned as candidate for vice president
 Americanism; Expecting the Pres iGont to be co!dly dIgnlfied; ap- plauding when he shows human warmth.
 Grandmother used 10 make her own candles. Granddaughter wins hers at the club.
 You rather like the architecture of the bank where you still have $9G balance.
 As to the hereafter of hay fever. Conan Doyle says there are no tears in Heaven.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Z Tears Ago Today

Tuesday evening at the Russwin Lycoum, Amorica's most distinguish ed emotional 2cfToss. Rose Cogh- Ian" in h'3 '..at creation, 'StepI-
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Tho only profitable advertising medium 10 the City Circulation books and press room always open to adyertlserL
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
A.mh.x of thc Asapriafeti Preek

HtmbtF or thb ASsF1"teu Hre" The Associated Press s e1c'usively en- titled to the use for republication Of all new. credited to it or not otherwise credited ,n this paper and also local uews published therein
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
tyi1tiCu Edition

Items from the DarktCNn News
 Edited by OrYX and Florian Supervised by Paul S. POWers)
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

They meet on more candid terms than formerly everywhere else and they are the gathers thereby.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
New Britain Herald
HERALD euBLIsHINo COMPANY

tss1ed Daily Sunday Exceptedb At Herald Bldg. q Church Street
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

There is nothing to be gained by segregation of the sexes in the high school system, in our opinion.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
@&&@ ,fNnI I2hQb
 O. "
 M4XSON E,xfAzk .tuzz
MxsoN ExKAu Muzz

Send all communications to Fun shop Editor, care of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Headlines from Live Bug

Headlines from Live Bug
 Journal"! Mosquitoes in Convention Praise The Weather Man for Rainy Day, Reports of Business Shows that 'Hummers' Has Most Successful Of All Sum mers."
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

They have been gradually disap- bearing anyhow.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Prudish hypocrites may not be as common as they used to be, and all is well with youth.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Superintendent s. II. Holmes. Of the New Britain school system un- occasionally won for himself some friends among the younger element when he defended the modern youth and the jazz age.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
u.mber Audi, Bureau Of Circulation

Member Audit Bureau Of C1fculntIon Tho A B. c. h national organization which furnishes newspapers and adVef- tisers with a strictly honest ana!yslt d' circulation. Our circulation statistics are based upon this audit This tnsuTee pro tectior against fraud In newspaper oie- trieution ngures to both national ano local advertisers
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Again? Again,
 Sock. Wow! Smack. Oof,,, Bim.., ZoWie,..,
 Bill. Wobbly. Uppercut.
 Bill: Look. Quick, Airplane. Burning"'
 sam. Turns. Looks. Airplane? .? Where?
 Bam, Fist. Ear. Collision' sam. Kayocd.
 sam: "Airplane? Nope. Stars"
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Pat and Mike" jokes are to be eliminated from the monologue of orators hereafter so we are assured.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Domestic

There are exceptions everywhere- Some congressman won't take a
 brlbe, And there are statesmen who have
 nc'tr
 Been adopted by an Indian tribe,
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Although football coaches nave an extensive program of training ready for their charges with the opening ot the season, and salesmeh are cap ably trained before they are sent out on the road, an important branch of preliminary training has been overlooked which, we thlnk' is needy of more important consld- cration in the minds of the powers that be. We mean the rehearsais for inc coming wedding-they are shamcfully sl<imped.
 The couple, the best man and bridesmaid. congregate at the brides home on an evening and look over wedding presents. They compare the probable price of Aunt Claras gilt
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Tales with wit and humor go in cycles. like everything else.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
As Others See Is,

Lady: You drunkard. If vol could see yourself as others see you you'd start being a man." Slightly Inebriated Man: Say lady-hic--if you could shee your self-hic-as I shoe you-hic-you start being a zoo'"
 A Philip Maurer Copyright, 1927, Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Tnquestlonably he is right in his statement that the young of today are better, if anything, than those Of the past.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

SUBSCRIPTION RATES $500 Year.
 Sz00 Three Months.
 15c. . Month
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Most of them nowadays seem 10 reNolNc about Jock and Sandy.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Advertisements

Darktown Flying Field, We Is HOW taking passengers at de rate ob one buck for de first 1,oS feet and twenty-five cents (two bits) each additional 1000 feet. We promises to bring you down, probably safely. In case of accidcntals. remains will be tondorly cared fot. Also, one used airplaue for sole, cheap. Four bits q sack while it lasts.
 Build Your Own Plane. We sells wrong. We buys them again. Dark town Aero-Hardware Co.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
No HCsDOuse.

No RC,ponse! Gentleman Farmer: You cheated me-
 "Zeke" Behan: How so?" Gentleman Farmer: "Diln't you tell me those cows you sold mo yesterday were called HolstcIn?" "Zake' Bchan: Sure. Nhy?" Gentleman Farmer: "Well. I call answer"
 Mrs. 4. V. luzad da. SHORT STORIES FOR TABLOID
 READERS
 By Mother R. Bill. Sam. Fighting. What?
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Entered at the Post once al New Brit- ain ss Second Class Mail Matter.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Ths Herald ts on sals daily in Se.' York at Hotaling'. Newsstand, Times sauare; Schultz. Newsrands Entrance Grand Central. 42nd Street
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Baseball

The baseball seasons over now; The warmer weather dies. The housewives and the home-run
 kings
 Now cease from swatting flies.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Fate.

A palmist told a judge recently that a mans destiny could be told by his thumb.
 We know q waiter whose destiny we can easily read.
 He will always be in the soup,
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Local News

Mir. IarynX Zippy who was mis- taken about Mrs. Jazzola Pink being a grass widow, made a nonstop light on de sidewalk in front ob de Pink home. Tuesday eve.
 Farmer Caesar Alexander fired lis shotgun in de general direction ob his chicken house Thursday night. Among them who flew was Hector Goosey, Washington Jones, and Weary Ooze. all ob DarktoWn,
 
 MT. Ajax Bump attempted 10 fly 10 Paris Wednesday afternoon, jumping out of an upstairs window oh de Darkr town boarding hoCse in hi. homemade airplane. He got as far as de ground.
 Glorious Humps red-nose- dive was padlocked by de DarktoWn po- lice Tuesday.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Herald Classified Ads are more popular than the crossword puxzls.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
THE FUN SHOP NEWS WEEKLY

Foreign Mt. Blanc's Nit. Mussolini now Such modosty inspires and thrills We thought Il Duce would choose the Alps
 And call them Mussolui Hills.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

TELEPHONE CALLS
 Business Office ... se5 Editorial Rooms e.. S2e
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
Judicial

A Kansas City man who the otr- er day stole four ukuleles from a house was arrested by the police, instead of being allowed to carry on the good work.
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01
J,idcnt1v. .

Powell: Die have a good time in Paris?' Blake: T just can't seem to re- ncmbcr.'
 M. T. bowman
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Aren't we lucky that the Indians didn't pass any immigration laws?
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Bill. Sam. Fighting. What?
New Britain herald., 1927-10-01

Copyright 1927, Publishers
 Syndicate
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
STOCKS Dull IN
. SLOW MARKET

NEW YORK, June 2s.-Forward
movements in a few Of the high.
priced specially and equipment
stocks. fresh declines. in the oils
and other specialties, and desul.
tory trading in such active groups
as the rails and steels, were the
principal features of an otherwise
dull and heavy market in the first
hour today.
Selling Of the oil stocks accom-.
panied reports OF a wide disagree.
ment among the oil leaders as to
remedies for the current over-pro-
duction, which Is becoming more
serious each day. Phillips, Mar.
land and Shell Union bore the
brunt of this selling, reaching new
low prices on the move. Uncer.
tainty with respect to Henry Ford 8
next move caused some unsettle.
1nent in the motor stocks, and the
leaders sIumped off a point or
two. Selling pressure was par.
ticularly directed against Mack
Trucks, General Motors and Stude.
baker.
1t is generally recognized in
Wall Street that a corner exists
in Baldwin Locomotive, and specu.
lative interest in the stock Is un.
usually keen as the result of re.
ports that the stock Is IoaninS
fiat" in the loan crowd. Under
this system those who loan the
stock pay no interest on the
money deposited as security by the
borrower. Most of the recent
"flare-ups" in speculative stocks
have been ushered in by such con.
ditions.
A 5-point decline In Paramount
Famous Lasky to 96 followed an.
nouncement of a 10 per cent cut
in wages for all employees over a
certain scale.
The commodity markets were
unsettled. with cotton. coffee, grain
and rubber at slightly lower price
levels.
Selling pressure on high. priced
STOCKS increased in the second
hour. opening up wider gaps in
quotations. General Motors de.
clined 3 points to 1919 and Mack
Trucks lost at 9s1k.
Call money unchanged at 4 per
cent. Pei
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
To VISIT SHRINE
Of DICKENS
By international News Service


NEW YORK, June 23.-Fifty
members OF the New York, Boston
and Philadelphia branches OF the
Dickens Fellowship are planning an
extended pilgrimage to England this
summer to visit the famous Dicken-
sian shines there. They will sail
from New York on July 81.
The pilgrims have styled them
selves the "Uncommercial Travel
ers" and will be headed by DR..
Albertus Perry, professor OF Eng
lish literature at Washington Col.
lege. Chestertown, Nd.
The itinerary as mapped out at
present covers every point of sig
nificance in Dickens tales. There
will be an excursion to Bury st.
Edmunds, where Mr.. Pickwick and
Sam Weller fell victims to the wiles
Of Job Trotter.
There will he a two-day excursion
through Kent Canterbury and
Queens Head Inn and DIR. Strongs
house, and Mr.. Wickfield's house,
and the haunts of the ubiquitous
Uriah Heep will all be visited.
Then Rochester, the birthplace Of
his fancy" with the ancient castle
in whose moat is the graveyard in
which Dickens wished to he buried.
From Liverpool to London, to
Portsmouth and finally to Paris the
''Uncommercial Travellers" will 20.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
TOURISTS HELP
NEW ENGLAND
b International News Service


PORTLAND, Me-, June 23.-New
England is undergoing a period OF
reformation as regards its attitude
toward the value of its tourists
trade, the New England Council
has found after an exhaustive
study of the tourist situation.
With information gathered by the
State of Maine publicity bureau,
the council has found that last
year the average expenditure of
summer visitors was 1851 per per-
son while in Maine. Figuring on
that basis every thousand visitors
meant cash expenditure in the
State of nearly s100.000
Since New England's summer
visitors are numbered by the hun.
dreds of thousands, it is obvious
the council finds that New Eng
lands visitors increase the sec
tons cash income by tens OF mil
lions of dollars.
Realizing that the summer wish
tor is a cash asset, and a definite
source of income, residents of New
England are putting forth every
effort to make this part of the
country one of appeal to the sum-
mer tourist and vacationist. The
New England Council has found
from its Investigations that today
in New England, there is a new
appreciation of and interest in the
visitor as source of increment to
the income of this region.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
Pays 1900 a Room
For Apartment Home

NEW YORK, June 23.-At an
average of $22 800 a room, DR.. Pres.
ton Pope satterwhaite, of this city
and Palm Beach, purchased a suite
Of twenty rooms in the house which
Anthony Campagana will complete
next year, at a total cost of $6.500,-
600, on the site of the marble man.
sion of the late Senator William f..
Clark, at the north corner of Fifth
Ave. and 18th st.
1t is the highest price ever paid
for an apartment home, in the opin-
ion of real estate experts.
DR.. Satterwhaite is understood to
have paid between $45O,00O and
100000 for his suite. AS this rep.
resents only his equity, there being
a mortgage, it was estimated that
DR.. Satterwhaite really has pur-
chased suite valued at $500, 900.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
Barking Dogs Bring
$500 Damage Suit

SCNBURY. June 2S.-The noises
caused by two or three vicious,
swapping, mischievous. barking,
yelping. bowling" dogs was the
basis of a suit for $4,000 damages
filed in Northumberland County
civil court.
Plaintiff in the suit, the most
unusual on the court record in thja
county in recent years, is CaivtN
Haas, of Milton. Damages are
sought by John De Hass, a neigh
Dor. and Frank Rowe, a boarder, at
the De Hass home. Rowe, it IL
alleged, is the owner Of the dogs.
According to, the lengthy recital
OF Haas grievances. the dogs, usu-
ally two in number and sometimes
three. barked and howled day and
night. with the result that life is
''unbearable" for the Haas family.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
5 AND QUOTATIONS OF THE FINANCIAL MARKETS.
Dog Guards Lost Child
Till Found Near Tree

Mt. CARMEL, Pa. June 2s.-Lost
"a hours, Charles, twe-and-a-half-
year-old son of Charles Matern. of
Leck Kill. farming district, was
found semi-conscious under a tree,
his dog lying beside him, by Ed.
ward Snyder. The child had suf.
fered from hunger and exposure. it
having rained ali night as he wan
dered through the mountains.
Efforts are being made to save
his life. From the time he was lost
searching parties combed the hills
in the vicinity of his home.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
Two Die, Four Hurt
In Wreck of Auto

CHICAGO, June 23.-Two were
killed and four were critically IN.
jured today when their heavy auto
mobile, travelling so miles an hour,
crashed into an embankment.
Police. said the driver, with other
members of the party, had been on
a cabaret and roadhouse party, dur.
ing which considerable liquor was
consumed.
Meyer Lynn, 10, and an unidenti-
fled woman were instantly killed.
Heinie Liberman, 26, the driver.
Mary Clark. 20; l.. C. Leeb, 20, and
Harry Goldberg, 81, were the in.
jured
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
Chaplin'S Finances
Audited for Suit

LOS ANGELES, June 2s.--Ac.
countants prepared today to review
the finances of Charles Chaplin In
order to speed up trial of the con
tested divorce suit OF Lita Grey
Chaplin and the comedian, which
will begin August %.
The audit, ordered by Judge DIAL
ter Guerin, who will hear the di.
vorce suit, will check Chaplins
property interests, income from
salary, film profits and expenses
from his marriage. in 1924, to the
present time.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1927-06-23
Ii Firemen Awarded
Medals in Rescue Tests

Members OF the fire department
rescue squad and the fireboat com
pany are fully qualified life-savers
on water as well as land.
Thirteen Of them are today wear
ing on their uniforms emblems OF
this fact. The emblems were
awarded yesterday by william
Knowles Cooper, general secretary
Of the z. M. c. A., as the result of
a series of difficult life-saving tests
completed by the men.