davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1927-12-04
An Interesting Spire.

SINCE the fall some years ago of
the great Campanile at Venice
scientific experiments have been made
to afford assurance of the stability of
other famous architectural piles in
l:s:y.
Among these is the unique Cathe-
dral of Milan. built Ill of marble, with
scores of slender pinnacles and a
lofty main sp!-e terminating IN a
great marble statue of the Virgin.
The experiments on this spire, Will
demonstrating it's complete stability.
show interesting effects of the wind
and solar rays. AS with other lofty
towers. the point of the spire de-
scribes daily an elliptical curve, the
size and precise form of which vary
with atmospheric conditions. But the
greatest displacement seldom amounts
to more than a single minute of arc,
in this case less than a third of an
inch. A tempest of uncommon vio-
lence in 1922 displaced the top of the
spire 8 millimeters.
Evening star., 1927-12-04

dote jupp id the Pacific Ocean by
bistake, Pop" BY father socked
hib with vacumb cleader. Looy
always wears a buffer whed his
shirt is idd the lauddry. He's a
dope.
our cat always says "Beow." Wud
dight by father said: "BeoW too
He staid udder the table add said
"Beow' till the man with the paper
wedt away. | doe the man. He's
a servant. He said he wanted to
serve by father. BY father said
"Beow." BY buther laffed at hib
like by buther. She's a dice lady
She ALWAYS gets up to get be a dirk
OF water id the biddle of the dight
Whed W. have compady she looks
so dice. She dote hit be after the
compady goes hobe Bortiber
Bitzic's buther always hits nib
after the compady goes hobe. By
buther just washes the dishes
When we have breakfast by buther
always buffers by roll for be- She's
a dice lady. She cooks dice chop
meat. She always waits for by
brother Looy by the window add
tells hib if by father Is sleeping al
ready. Thed Looy cobes UP. He
sleeps Id his sweater He's a dope.
3 other brother is baby. Babies all
she'll fuddy. He eats chalk ad
outlottoes add bieces of strig. BY
buther gives hib bath every
digit.
Evening star., 1927-12-04
John Mutation Smiths Love Life

drug store in Montpelier, VT, and
then closed the drug store and went
into the wholesale and retail cigar
business in Topeka, Kans. And after
that he was for while up in Canada
in real estate in Saskatoon, and after
that he went into the school book
business on commission in Bangor,
Me-, with side line of patent ginger
ale bottle tops.
John always said, that he felt the
full charm of business life-the joy
that so many have felt in founding a
business and seeing it grow and eX-
pand for perhaps three or four months
before it collapses.
During. all these years Of his busi-
ness life Mutation Smith was mar
| ried-in fact, several times. But there
were no children. The rules of the
apartments where they lived never
permitted it-eXcept in Saskatoon, but
| then there were no apartments in Sas-
katoon.
In the end, John began to grow old.
| He would sit for hours in the chimney
corner, or rather in the gas CRATE,
musing on his past life, thinking of all
his birthplaces and all his playmates,
and of each of his first loves, and of
the dear old town, each of the dear
old towns, where the old crowd, all of
the old crowds, could be pictured wait
| ing to welcome him-if he could only
sort them out in his mind.
| And thinking thus, / imagine that
John Mutation Smith. child and citi'
zen of our time, often grew thoroughly
sick of the time in which he lives.
| Meantime, in the merely worldly
sense, Smith had accumulated a very
| fair competence He had done well
out of his failures at Ypsilanti and
| two or three other places; he had nao
a disastrous fire in Topeka on which
| he had cleaned up a good deal, and ne
| had incurred a total bankruptcy lr
Saskatoon that had put him on ms
feet.
But his heart was sad. He often
asked himself what his life had
amounted to anyway, and it didn't
add up to much.
And now 1 hear, quite recently-or
perhaps / have imagined--a strange
thing about John Mutation Smith
namely. that he is about to make d
new move in life.
1t seems that he met again the other
day Abigail Price-the same one o.
long ago. And Abigail, like all the
Abigails, has waited and has never
married again.
And they are going 10 De REMARKED
and are going to go back and settle
lagain in Mutation, Mass, where moth
ing ever changes. They have bought
a frame house with walnut trees ir
front of it. They are old people now
of course-nearly 36. both of them
but it's a large house. such large
house, and there are no rules agains
children within so miles. So perhaps
you can't tell.
fCopyright 1927
Evening star., 1927-12-04

ever so long. only Johns boss-he had
gone into the flour and feed business
wanted him to move to Ypsilanti,
Mich, and Abigail didn't like the
name.
So they parted, still friends, while
there was yet time. John Smith used
to look back to those bright earlier
days of the first marriage he ever
made with a sigh of regret. Certain
things, he used to say, seem only TO
come once in life; and a first mar
rage is one of them.
In Ypsilanti, John married Mrs.
| ThomDson-Bessie Thompson. That
was, as nearly as he could remember,
her name; but it may have been Jes-
! sic. The marriage turned out to be
an error, fatal error, one of those
! life errors that we make in love.
| Within a month each realized that he
!, or she, didn't love her, or him
John found himself staring at the
blank wall-it seems the only thing
to do in that case-and realizing that
his life was wrecked.
Mrs. Thompson stared at the other
wall.
They parted, and for a long. long
time, nearly year, John Smith re
mained unmarried. His heart, he said
was numb. He drove out a little in a
buggy with one of the local girls, but
his heart was numb all the time they
were out.
Johns business in the -four and feed
failed, so he moved away and opened
Evening star., 1927-12-04

He's always saying bow good they
been TO him, and how old Madden
when he happens to be IN the Yards
and sees him, shakes bis mitt, sec,
and calls him Dennis. You'd think
he'd eite him a million. My old man
he's different again. He's in more
with labor, and like that. Always
beefin. At that, he's beaded in right
only he don't know wfat it's about
Grampa tells him about meeting Mad.
den, and Pa says, Well. what of it?'
what. of it, Granpa says. He
shook my hand and called me Dennis
= didn't he?
. PA says, You worl;sd for him all
your life. You give en- everything
you got in you, didn't YOU? Wellr
They paid me for il. didn't they?
the Ole man says.
Like fun they didr says Pa. AT
that. he's right. Only he don't know
like | do, that we're what counts now
My kid, he goes into the Yards, see.
But he knows where he's headin' in,
when he goes, like 1 do. Only better" "
THE elegant Ellen, hearing some.
thing of this new friend of her
| brother, was languidly curious Each
| member of the family was likely to
encounter certain characters that SO
j impressed him as to be introduced
/ into the talk that went round at sup
per. Red said this. 1 was talking to
Red. and he said that.
The elegant Ellen's saga was all
about certain Genevieve, who graced
the office in which Ellen was employ.
ed. All the graCes were embodied in
this young lady. who, by now, had be.
come a myth land JEST in the Re-
gan household. Ellen unfortunately
explained that the owner of the name
insisted on the French pronunciation.
She illustrated.
"Jenny-veeyave" Molly Regan had
exclaimed. Save us all, what a
namer
Its French" Ellen went on. Her
father was French"
whats this Jenny-veeyaves last
pame?" Molly inquired.
"Duppy." Then. hurriedly, as a
shout Went up. But that's only be-
cause of the way it's pronounced in
America. Du Puts, that's what it used
to be. Du Puis.
Denny Regan checked over his cof-
fee. Listen did you ever tell her
about your swell brother, Dennay?"
oiAiS yOuI Ii iGlltl mere SOIile lllile
for Sunday dinner, or to supper" said
the hospitable Molly.
Leave me know when you do
said the gallant Denny, land III be
out
But. when the exquisite Genevieve
Duppy appeared. Denny was in.
Miss Duppy was dainty. Miss Duppy
was cool. She was good. She was ele-
giant beyond words. She was fraiI.
blond, lymphatic. You, having swept
your plate clean, saw with dismay
that her fork was mincing fastidiously
about among the less gross tidbits
that make up her own portion. She
leaned toward you a good deal, rarely
smiled. and was. altogether, a thor
oughly selfish and charming little de-
fective.
She was more silent than Denny so
that. as he took her home, he found
himself growing loquacious. Her die
ton and vocabulary was much less
elegant and varied than her manner
would have led you to expect.
Can you imagine! I'll say
you're wonderful! You slay
me. Honestr' all uttered in a
Evening star., 1927-12-04
Exaggerations: Bye de School
BY MILT GROSS.


M r. FEITLEBAUM - Sh - de
M naxt is 1sidore'
Mrs. Feitlebaum - Shsh -
Meesus Grubnick - Nowll
come Isidore.
Principal-And the next on the pro-
gram of our Parents Week exer-
cises will be Isidore Feitlebaum.
who will read his composition for
us all-Master Feitlebaum-
Mrs. Grubnick-YI YI-A composee-
ton he wrote!
Mr.. Feitlebaum-Hall by himsalf!!
Mrs. Noftolis-YI VI VA writer
he'll be yat!
Mrs. Klepner-Sh- Give leesten---
Isidore-tSnif) Coppositidd About Peo-
pie I Doe-First there's by brother
Looy-By brother Looy is a tall,
well set up, hadsobe, athletic chap,
add a padic with the women. He's
add all aroud athletic type, dodcha-
Ian add debodair, with a frank,
boyish face add is the brains of the
fabily. He sure cad hold his likker
: add is acquaitted with his vege-
tables. If you like dice thigs-
that's hib. He wrote this part hib-
self. Thed cobes by father; can t
bake out this partly father wrote
it hibself. This is the part I wrote
byself. It's about our cat.
Our cat has to put up with a whole
lot. He driks out of a saucer--like
by father. He is crazy. The cat
dot by father. They both have a
boustache. Cats cant chew chew
ig-gub. / like our cat. BY father
dote like hib. Deether does he like
dogs. Our cat 1 bead. Our cat is
gray. ! didd't bake our cat gray
he cabe that way. BY father says
1 bade hib gray-by father / bead.
Be add by brother Looy he said.
By brother Looy is a dope. BY
brother Looy said "Ha ha-fifty-
fifty, huh, Pop? I'be responsible
for four gray hairs add Stoopid
chats be) is responsible for the
other four-that's all there is
there isd't eddybore-haha!w
By father socked hib with a ukelele.
By brother Looy wears spats but
doe underwear. He's dope.
our cat cadt swib. Neither cad by
father. wish by father would go
swibbig. I wish adother war
started. Thed by father would
swib the Rio Grande. He said SO.
BY brother Looy said. "Ha ha-
Evening star., 1927-12-04
Whedever 1 cadt fide by padts i'd the

Whedever 1 cadt f1de by padts Id the
bordig by buther always fides theb
for be. She's a dice lady. She al
ways laffs at by father. | like by
buther. She always siggs soggs
to the baby. She dote sig theb id
English but l like theb. / doe
what they bead. They're about
dolls add golded curls add white
rabbits add blue eyes. They bake
be feels so comfortable. l like by
buther. She always blows by doze
for be. She cooks dice doodle pud-
ding add cabbage soup add pad
cakes She always peels oradges
for be.
Our cat always fall odd his feet. All
cats always fall odd their feet. BY
brother Looy always falls odd his
face.
! get good barks idd school. BY
teacher gives theb to be. She's a
dice lady. She gives everybody
good barks. She gave the pridcipal
five red barks wud day. Dot odd
his book. Odd his face. He was
callig her "Cutey." He diddt doe
we were lissedig. Be add Bortiber
Bitzic-we were idd the
(CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! RING
RING! CLANGD
X X X y
Mrs. Grubnick-YI VI VI A fire dreel
de preencipal made !! Id de
Evening star., 1927-12-04
\ EMMY REGAIN was tand Isl
I hog driver and an aristocrat.
\ To understand the cerulean
hue of the fluid that flows in

~ EMMY REGAN was land Isl a
hog driver and an arstocrat
10 understand the ceruiean
~ hue of the fluid that flows in
DennyS veins. YOU will have
to know something of Emerald ave
nue., where he lives. But Emerald
avenue is only a street in the district
called Canaryvillc, Canaryville is but
small part of Chicago's West Side
And Ch!Cago's West Side is. after all
merely one huge arm of the giant
Chicago.
1t would. perhaps. bc simplest to tie
the subject into one neat knot by say
ing that Denny. Emerald avenue,
Canaryville. West Side and Chicago
are dominated and pcrmeated by that
vast Augean acreage known as the
Yards The Yards is ChicaSo's ah-
breviation for the Union Stockyards
Three generations of ReganS-Old
Dennis. Denny's grandfather 6S; I'm
Regan. his father. 49. and Denny hlnl'
self, 20-worked in the Yards, At
night they dwelt and slept in Emera id
avenue, Just east of Halsted street
Halsted street faces the Yards. Tim,
the father, and Denny. the son. born
in the shadow of the Yards. had OF
factory nerves as InSenSltlNe TO us
peculiar malodors as were their au'
ricular nerves to the din of the city.
old Dennis, with half a century OF
work resting lightly on his shoulders,
would have denied that any odor eN-
listed. In three generations of Regans.
the Yards had risen from bad-smell-
ing Joke to the dignity of an institu-
tion,
Old DcnniS's son Tim and Tim :
son Denny mad gone into the Yards
rs inevitably as Il SCION of the British
nobility follows the law of primo@en-
iture. As Old Dennis and Tim had
started as hog drivers, so young Den
ney followed that calling as the first
step in the course of porcine knoWl-
edge necessary to a true descendant
Of the house of Rcsan
** x x
TN the district to the west of Canary
Vile known as Back of the Yards,
lived Miss Norah MCGOWAN. the lady
oftenest seen with Denny Regan at
Saturday night dances. A quiet.
serous-eyed young woman, Miss Nc
Gowan, with a Yards lineage as aris-
tocratic as that of young Denny. She
had a good job as stenographer in the
Exchange Building at the Yards, not
to mention a father, two brothers.
three uncles and numberless male
cousins employed in Packingtown.
which is the factory section of the
Yards.
Miss Norah MCGOWAN didn't mind
dancing with Denny. She loved it.
He was a divine dancer. Why
wouldn't he be! Irish. 20, slim. and
the son of Tim and Molly Regan. But
she didn't mind dancing with Denny
For. when you live back of the Yards
and are employed in the Yards, you
Evening star., 1927-12-04

us know before you get ready to move
the shack, though. will you?'
X X X
DOWN the track came the train
~ The drivers swarmed the plat
form. The new man followed, uncer-
tainly. Denny eyed him with new
respect. stick with me-" he said.
"Il show you"
The new man stuck, gratefully BY
noon his boots were as unspcakable as
Denny's.
He and Denny became rather
| friendly in that remote, unquestion-
| ing way men have. He was known
as Red. Sometimes, when they had
| cleaned up, they went to a soda foun-
tain on the corner. Their broad
| shoulders dropped over a miniature
mountain of ice cream, topped by a
| snowcap of marshmallow.
| Denny never dreamed of inviting
| Red to his home. They knew very
| little about each other. Their talk
was thing made up almost entirely
| of monosyllabic words
From Denny: You going to stick
with the yards?"
| "Sure. You?"
'Yeh. We all been. My old man
and his old man and all. All our life -
ME, too"
"Yeh! You amt said before Right
in the yards, or what?"
"Packingtown's where I head in.
| Where my old man is, and all"
Sometimes they talked of women.
You running with anybody?'
"Yeh, l got girl. She lives back
of the yards. Works over in the Ex-
change Building. She's good kid
What's she like?"
well, l don't know. She reminds
me of my old woman. jolly, and a
| kidder, and laughing"
Figuring to marry her?"
Mo- said Denny, little surprised
at the vehemence of his denial.
Red spoke simply. At something in
his voice, Denny looked up, and saw
the others features twisted with pain.
What Red said was, my girl turned
me down because of the yards" His
round pink face was a deeper pink,
and his blue eyes were suddenly dark.
How do you mean-tbe yards?
well I'm working in the yards.
see. and / can't stay out late because
of getting up so early. But that isn't
all. The stuff gets into your skin,
and it doesn't matter how much you
change and bathe and m--uh--bathe.
And, when we're dancing, she says
it makes her sick. And she wants to
know If I'm going to stick with the
yards, and how long this is going to
go on. and all, and l tell her years,
though maybe I won't always have a
job that smells so bad, and, at that,
she says it's either her or the job"
'Ha" jeered Denny. "The nerve.
Say, I hope you told that jane where
to get off at"
''Yeh," croaked Red, miserably.
"Yeh, told her."
Didn't want you to work in the
yards, huh? When I'm married, my
kids going to work in the yards. like
me and my old man and his old man,
see? Only different, see?"
Red seemed interested. "How's
that? How do you mean, different?"
We'll, 1 quit school when I was
seventeen. My old man, he quit when
he was thirteen. And his old man
my Grampa-he quit when he was
ten. Well my kid, he's going to have
an education in him, and don't forget
1T. and then he's going to start in pig
driving, but, when he finishes, he amt
going to have no lousy little job, like
my old man or like Grampa, after he's
been working a hundred years or bet
ter in the yards. Grampa, he thinks
the old birds that made their piles in
this business, old Cassidy and Martin
Madden and like that-are like the
guys in the Bible. What they do is
right, see, even when it's wrong
Evening star., 1927-12-04
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

r Asst week-in this very journal
/ narrated the opening part or
the life of John Mutation Smith,
IL typical citizen of the present
day. / followed him from his
two birthplaces-to
his school days-six schools-and
through his college life-eight col
leges. / showed how Smith went into
college boy and came out a mana
circumstance perhaps not unconnected
With the fact that he was 16 when he
vent in and 26 when he got out.
But through all this time women
Lad never come into his life, or never
- stay. Now they came and stayed.
Smiths experience with them was
very different from the life story OF his
fprbears in Massachusetts in this re-
. oect. Take the typical case OF his
~andfather. John Mayfiower Smith.
q never met" Abigail Price, who
D. came his wife, because he didn't need
meet her When he was years
4 he gave Abigail an oyster shell.
fter that he made no sign for tour
>.ars. but Abigail kept the shell.
When he was II years old ne gave
i,r a conversation lozenge," which
! I'd a motto written on it in red poison
IF YOU love me as l love you, no
nife can cut our love in two.
bigail kept the loZenge all her life.
Then John smith was 1S he went
, ith Abigail 10 a tea social in the
hoolhouse, and took her home all
one in broad daylight, the whole
o wards 10 her house. After that
course. he had to marry her.
They were engaged then for two
.ars. during which time Smith went
see Abigail every Sunday from
m. to 4 pm. spending most or his
ne standing with her father looking
the pig pen. they We're potn ~
hen they married. They had eight
,ildren, four boys called John and
ur girls called Abigail.
John was good husband to Abigail.
e took her once to the Falls and once
Roston. And one day. when she
as cr,1ng over somernlng, they say
walked right across the room and
.ssed her. After he died Abigail
yer married but spent the rest of
r life talking about him.
But of course, none of this kind OF
cory would apply to John Mutation
NTH, the one under discussion. He
.longed not TO that age, but TO this.
have said that women never came
no John Mutation Smiths life until
tier his college days, never in any
.rious way There was, of course.
!: certain element in his life, as in that
the young men of today, that sug'
,sted the possibility of love. There
as. for example. little Janey Doodos,
hom he knew in his first year at
)llege.
He used to take little Janey out in
IS Ford, and kiss her--a few dozen
mes at a time-and squeeze her up
} about a pressure Of eight pounds 70
Evening star., 1927-12-04

and my kid You talk about your
folks, will you, / guess when 1t
comes to blue blood we're there"'
what do you mean, your kid"
asked Miss Genevieve Duppy, a little
breathless.
"Whv--I don't know" replied Den
ny foolishly, and thought suddenly of
NOrah MCGOWAN, who so strangely
reminded him of his mother. Sud
denly he strode out of his house.
Miss Duppy's laugh. finely dramatic
as 1t was failed to reach his etrs,
4 x X y
a>liET;E were two people he want 4
to see. Miss Norah McGoWan and
Red. Red, whose girl had turned
him down because he worked In the
yards and was redolent of the yards
Hurt. angry. indignant, disiiIusontd,
he'd go over to NOrah's. Bet she WAS
sore, and no wonder. He'd call up
Red first. Red. Red what? He didn't
even know Reds last name.
NCrah? Norah was in. Not only
was home. and her father, one of h,r
two brothers. two of her three un-
cleS. five of the cousins of countless
offspring of all these. There was
about that gathering something i'm
pressive, hearty, smacking of royalty.
so sufficient were they unto them
selves, SO clannish, so esta blished, SO
sure.
Denny they greeted as one of them,
prince of another such line. Not a
word of reproach from Norah. Not a
glance of Offense from Ma McGowan.
Blue blood. How's your ma? How's
all the folks? Norah came forward.
Her manner was hearty. but perhaps
there was a shade of reserve beneath.
Her cheeks were pink. but it was the
pink of sudden flush and not her ac-
customed ruddy coloring.
Hello. Norah! Thought you might
like to take in Il movie or something"
She hesitated-just the fraction of
a second. Kind of-late, isn't it?"
His voice dropped an octave and
vibrated. Jaw, Norah, it amt late"
''I'll get my hat"
Denny. waiting. chatted with the
elan. Their interests his, their view
point his, their life his. He and Norah
stepped out into the warm, odorous,
teeming city night.
THE old boneyard's hitting it up
tonight" said Denny.
Norah shifted a little, but whether
the sniff was one of pride or investi-
cation was difficult to know. II don't
smell anything" she said, a shade
stiffiy. At that Denny Regan linked
his arm through hers and brought
hers sharply against his hard, young
ribs.
Me neither" he said
1t was not until next day at noon
his story TO Red.
And, say" Denny concluded, "after
I bawled her out like that, why, all
of a sudden / wanted to get hold of
you, see. and spill how got the same
deal you'd got. Well. you could have
knocked me for a goal when / re-
membered i didn't even know your
last name, and we been working to-
gether months. Can you match that?
Say, what is your name, anyway,
Red? First and last"
Madden" said Red, Martin Mad
den"
"Yeh" jeered Denny. Mar
A terrible thought struck him. He
mans intensely rising color more than
justify his nickname. Say, listen.
You amt the son of the old-why.
say"
"Yeh." said Red. Learning the
business from the ground up, like
you. What's the matter with that?"
Gee" said Denny Regan.
tCopyright 1927