davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

sionl-Darling. how do you spell creme
de Strasbourg? Is it ou or just u?
Mr.. Geaton-Ou, I think, is the
French.
Mrs. Geaton-Aren't you a pet?
There is another long silence While
Mrs. Geaton works briskly at the
papers After a while she looks up
and says.) Darling, which is a semi
colon, the one with the little wiggle
under it, or the one with just the two
dots?
Mr.. Geaton-T think the semicolon
is what you mean by the little wiggle.
Mrs. Geaton-Well, listen, then, and
do tell me which TO use in this, be-
cause you're so clever-aren't you,
pet? I'm talking about what-do-you,
call-it-you know that long word that
means when people do things In
time
Mr.. Geaton-Punctuality
Mrs. Geaton-Punctuality Aren't
you wonderful. Well, I'm talking
about punctuality. Listen. (She reads
from a proof) lin the care of the
household it is most important that
everything should be done at its
proper time. Dinner must never be
kept waiting. Nothing contributes so
much to the happiness of the house
hold as promptness and regularity in
the service of meals" Don't you
think that is rather nicely said,
Edward?
Mr.. Geaton-Very nice, I'm sure.
Mrs. Geaton (continuingl-"To be
kept waiting for dinner. Good
gracious what is that! lThere is
sound like minor explosion from the
kitchen with q great kissing OF grease.
Mrs. Geaton rises and disappears for
a. moment. When she returns, she
says quite tranquility: It's all right.
It was only Jane upset a lot of grease.
Mr.. Geaton-Grease!
Mrs. Geaton-Grease. or gravy. or
something. She upset it on the cook
ing range.
Mr.. Geaton-Whew! 1t smells aw-
f11I What is it?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

CMr. Hoyle sits and murmurs) Let me
think" There is a long pause.)
Mr.. Hoyle's Partner-(Very gently
Its your turn. you know, Mr.. Hoyle.
Mr.. Hoyle-(With animationl-My
turn. ali yes, of course; 1 see, and my
partner has led the ace of clubs
hearts are trumps. Aha! I have it..
(Mr Hoyle puts the ace of trumps
on the other ace). My trick I think.
There is a general movement Of con-
sternation among the players.
The Other Three-Oh. Mr.. Hoyle!
Mr.. Hoyle lin surprisel-Didn't
take 1t?
The Other Man-But don't you see
when you trumped your partners ace
you practically threw away a trick
and
Mr.. Hoyle's Partner-Yes, and I'm
afraid that exactly loses us the rub
Der, doesn't it?
The. Other Man-Never mind. Hoyle.
better luck next time. Let's start
another game.
Mr. Hoyle (rising from the table,
All, no. I'm afraid I'd better stop
now. I want to do some more work
this evening.
The scene is in the Geatons' house
in the sitting room. The two Geatons
are waiting for dinner. Mrs. Geaton
is seated at a side table very busy
with a letter of printers proofs. On
the head of them one can read quite
easily the title:
MRS. GEATON'S HOUSEHOLD
COOKERY BOOK OF BRITISH,
AMERICAN AND FOREIGN COOK
ING. NEW AND ENLARGED Ed
TON. SPECIALLY RECOMMEND
ED FOR THE HOUSEHOLD. FOR
HOTELS, RESTAURANTS. SHIPS.
CARAVANS, PICNICS, ETC. ETC"
Mr.. Geaton sits in a weary but re-
signed attitude. His newspaper has
fallen from his hands.
Mrs. Geaton docking up and gazing
in front of her with a dreamy express
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

T HE scene is at Mr.. Hoyles
house. Four people are at
card table On a shelf nearby
4 one can see the back~of a. book
entitled Hoyle's Bridge, Whist
and Card Games. New Edition, Re
vised and enlarged.
One of the pIayers-Your turn to
play, Mr.. Hoyle.
Mr.. Hoyle-Oh I beg your pardon
I'm afraid was dreaming-iny turn,
yes. Of course. What did you say was
trumps?
Mr.. Hoyle's Partner-Hearts.
Mr.. Hoyle-Oh, yes. Hearts, Of
me see,-(Mr. Hoyle begins MUIR
nuring, softly to himselfl-the ace
was played little while ago-I've got
the king-the queen must be. 8.
The other Lady-Oh. Mr.. Hoyle,
you mustn't talk like that. You're
telling everything. There Is a rule
against 1t.
Mr.. Hoyle-Oh, I'm so sorry, Of
course, yes, a rule, a, rule-certainly-
TIL just step over and look it up in
my book to make SURE.
The Other Man-Oh, don't bother.
Hoyle. It's quite all right. Now go
ahead and play, old man.
Mr.. Hoyle--Ah. It's me to play.
I'm afraid hadn't understood. Let
me-see-me to play-hum-me-to
play ~.
Mr.. Hoyle's Partner-Yes. you to
play. Don't you see-I led the ace of
clubs and he's put on spade. E.
Mr.. Hoyle-A spade! But. excuse
me, why doesn't he play a club?
I. T.
minute
Mrs. Hoyle-Do sit down, William.
Don't you remember he has no clubs.
Mr.. Hoyle-Ah! of course, no clubs,
and SO he can't play a club: quite
right. In that case-let me think
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

/@ OPE, HESQUIRE,
~ \ CAVE FROM DE PO-
LISS STATION.
"Noo,-so you got grad
ually a, room. ha, dope?m
A sight-seer from New Yukk you BIZ
came alrady in patrull-Weggon. ha??
Gootm, To polissman you got to
make smot-crecks-sessy ones yat-
l1a, wot you tink maybe he's de fodder
witt de modder, ha?? So you'll sect
for a couple days wotll be seek o'clock
so you'll jomp hopp witt don you
should boiler it should be raddy hon
time de brad witt de wodder like home.
ha?? Hmmmm mmm - walt vat,
deyll geeve you witt a. night -clob-in
de fullish hadm Peectures we nidd
vat from you by de Riggs CELERY,
ha?? So dey'n take dem maybe by
Cooney Highland dey should make
from you snapshots witt de benjos
witt de yook wot you'll sect dere on de
hairoplane odder de fulllsh jeckess by
de pust-cods. ha witt Rad witt
'Lafty' witt 'Dotch' witt 'Moggsy' witt
Spike ha?!
"'Spikes' - 'Laftys' RAIDS -
'Mogesvs'- 'Dotches-deese is by you
'Profasser.' Accountant. - deese it
couldn't be by you de frauds. ha
dope?!''
Isidore-You forgot "Porky,"
"Snoot," Turk" and 'Pidky,"
Bahia
Mr.. Feitlebaum-{SMACK) Aha
de names from de Presidents you
dun't knowing dem, ha-goot-for-not-
ting??t, ISM ACK) PU c K VI!
(SMACK) TSNOOT. (SMACK) TOIK!
(SMACK) PEENKEH SMACK
Deese you knowing it exactically poi
flct, ha?? In de dopes feenger-
preents you following. ha? (SMACK)
it should be by you from the Dolby
faze de peectures front witt site by de
Pust FIuffice vat witt riwudds, ha?
(SMACKl
so like / was saying, mine dir
dope, is now a plasure in de houZe
wot it dun't bob bob-bobbing a whole
day in de houze rad rad. robbins on
he homonica. Use what I got a
chence / should using gradually mine
ballroom witt de meeror wot you
plestering don de hair on de fullish
had--denks Gott--for a variety by de
poliss station. Foidernhore'---
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

much as the house consists Of Sc
rooms.
They were all lying on their
stomachs, it being the professors
hobby that that mode of conveyance
gives more play to the feet. At my
entrance, the professor arose and
threw both the Awful girls out onto
the lawn through the screen.
Editors note: 1t was another of
the professors hobbies that the
screens be kept up the year around
so that the girls might be thrown out
through the screens when au fait.)
authors note: No such thing)
Professor" was my opening re-
mark, IL want to ask you two ques-
tons: The first is, do husbands and
wives begin to look like each other
when they have lived together long
enough?"
and what do you Judge" he re-
Joined, lis long enough"
well, he said, take my wife and
I; we have lived II years. 1 consider
that long enough"
$50 do I, you big bum," replied Mrs.
Awful, throwing at him, but missing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

ium once" said the other. WHO has
the negative"
Il don't know" replied the waiter.
"They both took fish"
The second waiter turned to me.
you'll pardon me for intcrruptinE.
he said. Tut No. II here tells me that
you and this lady. whom | presume
to be your wife. are engaged in an ar
gument about the Aquarium"
I nodded my head in the Affirmative
us it, by any chance" continued the
waiter, ION the question of: Shall, or
shall not the United States permit the
Monroe doctrine to exercise the inalicn.
able right--no,' he added. scratching
his head that isn't it, There was
something about the Cleveland admin.
istratOn and the Canadian boundary
disputc--or was it happiness?"
He seemed quite distressed
Was what happiness?" | asked.
ut was a debate" he replied,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

never lost race. So, one day I went
down to the books and pointed out
that fellow and said ! wanted to bet
on him.
II give six to five odds on what !
thought was the horse. I was bet
ting on the jockey. Exterminator win
by a neck, but my horse lose by a
head. And my jockey was behind
their jockey by a haunch. So am off
the system of betting on horses that
look just like Jockeys"
With that / was off the whole sys-
tenn in particular and Prof Awful in
general. and tossed him through the
screen after his wife and the Awful
girls.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09
QUAINT BIBLE ERRORS.

octave Bible published by the OXFORD
Press in 1910.
Among the curious Bibles may be
mentioned the Standing Fishes" Ri
Bile, containing the phrase, And Il
shall come to pass that the fishes
shall stand upon it," ETC. Ezekiel
xlvii,10. The word fishes" is. used
for fishers" in quarto Bible print
ed by the Kings printer in London
in 1906 and reprinted in a quarto
edition of 1913: as we'll as in an octave
edition of 1929.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

Who won?" ] asked.
I'VE did" he replied. I'VE only
lost one debate in my four years on
the team-and that was not my fault.
Would you care to hear about it,
l noticed that the other waiter was
making significant negative motions
behind the debater's back.
NO" l replied.
The second waiter seemed very
Chagrined.
Did somebody toll YOU to say
that" he asked
! shook my head.
ut was merely a question Of time.
I assured him I'VE were thinking
of going to the theator---"
"Or" interrupted my wife.
"Or the AQUARIUM. ! continued.
but this gentleman here seems quite
certain that the Aquarium is not n
all what it used 10 be
The waiter turned. and glarcd ut
his cOllea que.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09
BY RING LARDNER.

"O the editor: My assignment
this week was to interview
Prof. Awful, the man who has
Il made a. lifelong study of the
binominal theory, namely,
that man and wife who live to-
gether over a period of years grow to
look more like one another in direct
proportion to the duration of cock
tstence. and in the same way man
or woman who is in any way con-
nected with horses finally attains to
the features and gait of horse, in
many cases achieving such an appe-
tite for horse food that bare mention
of a. word like oats or "Otis" or
s>oasis" will cause he or she to drop
their book or give up their euchre
game and run off on a mad forage for
the horses favorite Wand, the oat.
I found Prof. and Mrs. Awful and
the two Awful girls in their recently
purchased home at Great Neck, in the
guessing room, so called because each
member Of the family is asked every
now and then to tell which room he
is in, and it is quite confusing, mas
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

a EY WIFES second ATTEMPT to
~ ~ visit the Aquarium in New
INI York came with the fish.
That sentence, as ! sit here
writing it, seems somewhat
unparadoxical. and perhaps word or
two of explanation would not be
amiss.
In the beginning las you already
doubtless know. if YOU have been fol-
lowing these articles closely there was
Nothing. No earth. no sky, no water.
Nothing. Everything was Void
Whirling around in Eternity, accom-
panied by a dull mutterinc and cries
of Eli, Eli" and Whittier goest
thou?"
Then. gradually. this all cooled and
hardened, forming continents, and, to
make long story short. / met Miss
Ames in Europe and we were married
last July ont in California.
So YOU may well imagine my sur
prise when. during our first luncheon
after our arrival in New York, she
leaned over to me and said that she
would like to visit the Aquarium
But don't you think" | replied
that ii might be better to go to some
of the theaterS first?"
We can always go to the theaters. 3"
she said. with a pretty toss of her
nose.
We can always go to the Aquar-
ium" / countered.
NO. we can't she replied.
We were dangerously near a quarrel
our first quarrel. l tried to conceal
my agitation. and f1atter myself that
but for slight twitchinc of my left
arm and a horizontal clockwise move
ment of my features no one would
nave guessed ii. / tried to smile.
IAN right, dear" / said "only /
wouldn't let the waiter think that we
are quarreling."
The waiter stopped and put hack
the dishes that he had started to
remove.
What was the argument about?"
he asked
I looked up at him. He was very
tall and very bald
II don't think that it would interest
you" replied. somewhat reprovingly
II can tell that better" he said,
when I hear the subject of the dis
cussion.
We'll" I replied. 1T was about
fish,"
He picked up the dish he had just
set down, and looked at 1t.
That's the third complaint this
week" he said, land here it is onl,
Tuesday"
"Wednesday" corrected my wife.
He looked once more at the rem.
nants on the plate he was holding.
Il stand corrected" he said.
he then slowly put. the plate back
on the table, and took out pad and
pencil.
Wednesday" he repeated. begin
ming to write. "the--'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

looked like some sort of a blank form,
And your name?" he asked.
Stewart" I replied. together with
the initials. This, and my residence,
were duly inscribed on the record.
Now" he said, what is the exact
nature Of your complaint"
II haven't any complaint" I re-
piled.
He seemed surprised.
mo complaint" he asked
Unless you mean near-sighted-
ness" 1 suggested. I'm quite near
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

Twenty ninth" supplied my wife.
She wonderful about dates | said,
proudly.
Il used to be-" said the waiter. but
somehow it doesn't seem to make so
much difference any more"
He looked very sad
I'm sorry | corrected YOU" said
my wife. Il don't think it really
makes much difference. either"
The waiter smiled--a melancholy
smile.
That's perfectly all right" he said.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09
SCENE I.

SCENE I.
zone of Commissioner McLaughlin's
boarding houses)
Turnkey--C'mon, step along there,
fishface.
Looy-Ouch! Hey keep dat shill.
alley outa me ribs guy, or I'll have
some one around here busted.
Turnkey--You wot--
Looy-I said desc new battries can't
be trusted. Ouch! Easy, buddy-I' m
goin' in. o boy-talk about the Black
Hole of Calcutta-oops--wot dat
company-Hullo Rastus-why doncha
smile sos kin see the Painless
Parkers-oops-ano one--hey wots
dis-de Cotton Club-where am I sup
posed to sleep?--up on de Dutch
Moulding?-Hey well well--how about
a quartet boys--no no--I didn't say
nothin about hootch-I said a quartet
I'll tenor--you--wots dat--awright
buddy we wont sing-who yeah
OATS me awright I'm comin--Ouch
easy dere buddy I'm good guy.
SCENE II.
ANY Old Nights Court.)
Clerk-"And the prisoner is also
charged with annoying the store
keeper, refusing to move on and in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

marked my wife.
1T went" continued the waiter; Is.
or is not happiness a more necessary
thing than athletics?'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09
Gross Exaggerations the DUMMY Waiter
Witt Gengsters, Looy Makes His Reonions
BY MILF GROSS.

~ OPE, HESQUIRE,
80 CAVE FROM DE Pc
LISS STATION.
"Noo,-so you got grad
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-09

EY WIFE'S second attemrt TO
tAU visit the Aquarium in New
vi York came with the fish.
That sentence, as ! sit here
writing il seems SOneWh 4
The Washington times., 1927-06-09

ing in the stocks. was charged in
the complaint.
Sapiro, whose recent $1,000, 900
suit against Henry Ford for alleged
libel created a national sensation,
was named in the complaint as a
member, with Lisman and Mark T.
Mckee, Detroit attorney, Of the
merger committee to form an I'M
derwriting syndicate to organize
the consolidated system.
Among the railroads mentioned
were the Chicago and Great West
ern, Minneapolis and st. Louis. the
old Chicago, Peoria and st. Louis,
and the Wabash.
The Washington times., 1927-06-09
Archbishop Confirms
Dominican Students

Archbishop Curley. of Baltimore
officiated at the ordination this
morning Of 81 young men. the larg.
est class of Dominican students to
receive Holy Orders in. the United
States. The ceremonies were held
in st. Dominic's Church, Sixth and
E Streets Southwest
The class has been preparing for
the priesthood at the Dominican
House of Studies. Brookland, un
der the direction of the Dominican
Fathers. Eight others from the
Paulist College. Brookland. and the
Oblates Of Mary College were also
ordained this morning.
The Washington times., 1927-06-09
JOTTNGS From
ALEXANDRIA

ALEXANDRIA, Va, June s.
The action OF the city in refusing
a permit for the Auth Provision
Company to erect an abbattoir in
the northern section of the lily
has not been very popular with rhe
citizens Of Alexandria as a whole
and, unless the company locates
on another site in the city, II is
expected that two new members Of
the council will be elected at the
next election. Granting of the per.
NIT was opposed by residents of
the northwest section and the fight
for the permit was led by ]. Kent
White. president of the Retail Mer-
chants Association Council.
The tortieth annual Confederate
reunion will close this evening with
a parade In which tie 300 veterans
attending the reunion, Daughters
OF the Confederacy, and Sons OF
Veterans, 1000 troops from nearby
camps and legionnaires from North
ern Virginia will take part.
At the final business session to.
day officers for next year will he
chosen.
The case against Herbert Peters,
colored driver Of the truck which
ran over and killed Anna Caprol.
letti, six.year-old daughter of Domi.
nick Caprolletti Tuesday afternoon
was finished at the motion of the
States attorney. W. p. Woolls. A
coroner's inquest yesterday de.
clared the accident unavoidable.
Fire Chief J.. M. Ducan, jr.. has
been appointed to prepare a oele
bration in honor of Captain Lind
bergh when the Memphis passes
the city Saturday morning. The
fire bells on the engine houses and
town clock viii ring and all The
warning sirens on plants will also
be in action.
The Washington times., 1927-06-09
ACCUSED WIFE.
WINS POINT

BY 1ntornatlOnaA NoWB SGrN1ce
San Diego, CAL, June 9.-When
the trial of Hilda Florence Blymire.
widow Of Clarence Michael Blymire.
Of Harrisburg, Pa. for whose muir
der she is charged, resumed here
today, Deputy District Attorney e.
N. Clark launched an attack upon
the courts pro tempore ruling to
bar statements Of Blymire which
were made four minutes after he
was shot.
Judge Marsh's decision excluding
these statements, which the defense
counsel admitted we're most dam.
aging to the defendant. was con.
sidered a victory for Mrs. Blynire.
Blymire, after being shot, stag
Rered into the hall and said. it Is
alleged: II am shot. call the Naval
Hospital"
Thomas r. Day. his wife and
others in the building, upon hearing
the shots, ran to the corridor where
BIyn1ire collapsed.
On the ground Blymire had time
to consider the situation, Judge
Marsh ruled the subsequent con.
versation was not spontaneous. but
hearsay, and therefore inadmissible.
The prosecutions case received a
setback when Blymire's converse
ton with the Days could not be
introduced.
The prosecution attempted to
show yesterday that Blymire did
not shoot himself. The defense holds
Blymire was accidentally shot while
struggling for possession of the
gun.
The Washington times., 1927-06-09
Rejected SuitOr, Kills
Woman, Shoots Self

WILMINGTON, Del, June 9.--In-
furiated because his attentions had
been rejected, John Bove. so. shot
and killed Mrs. Forlinni. 50. in the
bedroom of her home early today
and attempted to kill himself by
firing a bullet into his brain.
Bove was rushed to the Delaware
Hospital in a dying condition. Mrs.
Forlinni died almost instantly from
a bullet wound in her head.
The Washington times., 1927-06-09
.SAP|RO FACING
. 100000 SUIT

CHICAGO, June s.-Aaron Sa.
piro, Chicago lawyer and farm CO.
operative organizer, and F. J. Lis
man, New York banker and trac-
ton financier, were defendants to-
day in a 100000 breach of con-
tract suit brought by Andrew
Stevenson. Chicago banker and
railroad reorganization expert, and
James r. Howard, Clemens. Ia.
former president of the Iowa Farm
Bureau Federation, the American
Farm Bureau Federation and now
president of the American Eco.
nomic Institute.
Breach of contract in the re.
organization of several midwest.
ern railroads on plans Stevenson
claims he originated, through deal
The Washington times., 1927-06-09
Will
SEE COOLIDGE
By In.ernational News sery,ee


CHICAGO, June 8. - Headed by
Mayor William Hale Thompson, a
special train bearing advocates of
immediate flood cont oil measures
was to leave Chicago today for
Washington to discuss the problem
with President Coolidge.
The party included Mayor Rowlett
Paine. of Memphis: John H. Walker,
president Illinois Federation of La.
Dor; w. K. Kavanaugh, st. Louis,
and other members of the permanent
committee appointed by the flood
control conference to lead the fight
for permanent solution of the Mis-
sissippi flood problem.
"Today's Best Home Buys" In The
Times and Herald Classified Ads, are
offering q wide selection OF desirable
Washington homes for aalA
The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1927-09-20
The Party's Shortcomings, Mistakes and Problems

Party. These subjective reactions have
also been responsible for factionalism.
The New York Times today carries
a story of comrades in our Party COM
ing to grips. The New York Times
as an agent of the bourgeoisie looks
for every possible indication to find
relief and hope that our Party is di-
vided. We say in answer to the New
York Times that we are not coming
to grips in our Party, but that the
Party as a Party is unifying itself
more than ever before in order to be
able to come to grips more effectively
with the ruling class as a class. We
are not fighting as the bourgeoisie
fight for power in the narrow sense of
power. We may have differences. We
may have struggles over these differ
ences. But once these differences have
been removed, we do not fight for the
sake of a fight. The bourgeoisie can
get no comfort out of our differences,
because after this convention the
Party will show itself more united
than ever before,
(To be COntinued)
The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1927-09-20

Party faces. Some comrades react one
way; some another for a multitude Of
reasons. 1t is no accident that in re-
cent months there was a revival or
intensifIcation of factionalism in our
Party. The fact that our Party was
consciously seeking to find the best
means Of meeting the dangers of at
tack against it by the imperialsts,
was seeking to arrive at a solution
of the resulting problems, made it
possible for factionalism to develop.
Then the composition of our Party
4 itself has been of a source making for
factionalism. We speak of the COM
position of our Party which is Of such
a character that an insufficient num-
Der of our Party members is con-
nected with the basic mass move
ments. To the extent that we can
sink our roots into the basic mass
movements, we take away some of
the sources of factionalism.
Factionalism is not only an objec-
tive but subjective condition. l speak
not of the attitude and practice of
any one group, but of the Party as a