davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

Hm-take care, dope, it shouldn't be
from you vat in de Tebloid scendels
witt a sturry on Page FUR
HIM, is hall de fult from de monkizz
annahoe Who esked dem dey
should hev sotch descandants-it
should cuzz disroption in de lodge
ha?"
SO de monkey SAD: Him, rilly!.-
Is dees fect??? So on wheech
gronds you making to me sotch a
creck??"
So de Mammot sad: Comm on,
be yousalf. keed!!--He's de dad speet
from YOU
So you should see wot it stodded
opp dere scendels witt lussoots wot
1t stood in paper hatlines so:
HEXTRA!-DENIE PERCENTAGE
FROM HUMAN BINGM
HAPE HENTERS WEEGOROUS
DENIAL!-
ATTORNEY FOR HAPE CHOICES
BLECkMAIL-
.PROTASTs HINNOCENSE FROM
CLIENT
WITT STOTTLING D1SCLUS-
SURES.
RUMOR WOT MONKEY RESIGNS
PRESIDENCY FROM CUCCANUT
FROST
SHOCKING REVELATIONS HEX
PECTED- y
WAL KNOWN THEATRICAL MEM
eyer NAMED
MEESUS MONKEY IN SICKLU-
REPUTTED HON ROUTE TO
PEHtB-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

that the horse was unable to fly. 1T
Is difficult" he said, in a lecture de.
lfvered in the monkey-house of the
Zoo last evening, Ito conceive that
the horses legs could make more than
three revolutions to the second"
The same authority explained that
the horse was clearly distinct from
the COW and the bull. there being fea-
lures of difference easily recognizable
by the expert.
1t appears that the horse for many
centuries was used by mankind as
an engine of locomotion. When the
animal was put into use, the pilot
seated himself midway on it's back,
using his heels against it's sides as
form of gear control. Contrary to
many misleading historical references,
no gasoline was put into the horse
speed Of three and even four miles
an hour is said to have been main.
tanned.
The last known use of the horse
appears to have been in connection
with the mounted policemen who
were familiar feature of civic life
during the age of bandits in the
earlier twentieth century. Expert
ence showed that policeman on the
ground offered too easy a mark and
could easily be leased or even kid
mapped, whereas a policeman on horse
back was elevated into q position of
relative security.
Old prints of the period depict for
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

us it like hay fever?" l asked. "Be.
cause if it is---'
She did not reply. She was reading
a small card pinned on the side of the
instrument
1T says here she explained, that
il we want to use the radio we must
ask to have the hotel radio expert
come up and connect it for us. And
it isn't my fault" she added, "if 1
have hay fever
What do you say?" ] asked Il
mean, shall we take chance on the
radio eXpert?''
Lets do it," she replied. at might
be a lot of fun"
l went once more over to the tele-
phone.
This is 1892" 1 stated.
There was q laugh at the other end
"a woman's laugh.
This is 1892" / repeated.
Are you Christopher Columbus"
came back the answer. ANY sight of
land YETI"
I looked at my wife in dismay.
The employees in this hotel" I be-
gan, ARE certainly"
1 picked up the transmitter with
dignity.
II would like to speak to the radio
expert" l said.
This was followed by another laugh
HE wants the radio expert, Bill"
said THE voice. Here, you talk to
him.
In minute Bill came to the phone.
Hello" he said.
Are you the radio expert?" 1
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

! monsters of the past. There will be
nothing left of them except the kind
of information that will be handed out
somewhat after the following fashion
THE HORSE.
CAS- UieWed in the light Of extracts
from the current press Of the gear
5000 ADD
New York, Jan. /, 5000 A.D.-Visi.
tors to the Geological Gardens Ex-
tinct Animals Section) should not fail
to take advantage of the unique OPP.
portunity now offered of seeing an ac-
tual living horse, perhaps the last
specimen Of it's species. This interest
ing survival of past age was found
attached to what has been deciphered
as a taxicab-itself relic of unknown
purpose--in the interior of China.
Through the energies of the directors
of our municipal museum, the animal
was secured from it's owners and
flown yesterday to New York.
The horse Is open to the public
daily from 10 am. until 4 pm, and
Is attracting large crowds of sight
seers. In shape, it resembles some.
| what an earlier type of helicopter fly.
ing-machine, the legs being pivoted at
| the corners, though seemingly in a pc.
sition too rigid for successful fight.
Prof. Pink, the famous authority
on the geological remains of the
| twentieth century, is of the opinion
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

MOTHS" said the man, and then he
added: 'Ill send it right up, sir
1872 repeated, and put back the
| receiver.
Now" l said, walking over and
unlocking my suitcase, what to dc
until the moth balls arrive?'
1--WE might turn on the radio" sug
gested my wife. Maybe some one Is
giving lecture on that very subject. .
do you know anything about ra
dio?" ! asked
She nodded in the affirmative.
"WEAF is New York" she said.
walked over and examined the ma
chine.
II don't think that is going to help
us very much I remarked.
KID something is Pittsburgh" was
her next suggestion.
Even that" 1 stated, "leaves a
great deal unexplained. What do you
do first?'
You turn those little knobs" she
replied.
I turned the little knobs. Nothing
happened.
Wonderful" 1 said "And think
what it means to the farmer"
1 fooled with the knobs for several
more minutes with no audible results.
''Well, anyway" said my wife,
there's no static
There certainly isn't 1 agreed;
and then I asked, What's static?"
She came over and tried the ma
chine herself.
What's static?" I repeated
You can tell when you've got it,
she answered TITS very unplea sa Mt -
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30
THE OTHER DAY

"HE hotel I'm which my wife ant
/ We're stopping in New Yorl
on our wedding trip was q
Il very big hotel, and was
equipped with everything
which would tend to make it seen
more like home than a hotel" Fol
example. there were several moths in
che clothes closet and there was a
radio. The radio was for the con
yenience of the guests
It's for the convenience of the
guests, / said, reading from the
neatly framed notice entitled mo
tice."
Oh" said my wife. land how about
the mothS?"
read further.
1T doesn't say anything about
them," l replied.
Probably the guests are COR the
convenience of the moths" suggested
Fshe, land we've got lot of very new
Clothes
There's rice in most of my suits. "
] said. won't that keep moths
away?'
Moths love rice" she replied.
It's uncooked," argued.
She shook her head.
we might put up a sign" l sug-
.tgested: No moths wanted. This
hiednS you.
Moths can't read" she said.
You're being very unpleasant" /
stated. Where did you get all this
information about moths, anyway"
out of a book" she replied.
II thought So" said, with a slight
sneer. And probably written by
some professor with a lot of theories.
What we need right now" I added,
is practical. sound, common sense
All the books in the world never would
nave built the Panama Canal"
We both thought very hard for
few minutes
I'VE might light flame out here"
she finally suggested, land that would
attract the moths from the closet.
I'VE couldn't Sleep" / objected.
with flame in the room all night"
We'll, then" said my wife. chow
about moth balls?"
I slapped nv thigh with the palm
of my hand.
Say" 1 exclaimed, you've got hold
of something there That's a great
idea-really big. And it's women with
ideas that get somewhere in this
wourld.''
Thank YOU" she said simply.
walked over to the telephone and
took down the receiver.
Il want to order some mothSballs,"
u said.
IN give you room service" was
the answer
In a minute had room service.
This is 1892" said II want some
moth balls right away"
Yes, SIR replied the man at the
other end. What size?"
1 looked at my wife.
What size?" / asked.
She went into the closet and re-
turned after few minutes
Adult she announced
Anything else, sir?" asked the man.
YES" l replied. You might bring
me two tall glasses, some White
Rock and some cracked Ice"
1T looks like a big evening for the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

Chicago and got kind of nauseated
r,otching them massacre the pigs,
steers and horses.
A hockey game starts with six men
IN each side, but it is very seldom
there is more than eight or nine al
together on the ice at the same time
after the first minute of play. AS
soon as "a player does anything illegal
which is almost impossible, he Is al
lowed to sit out two minutes or four
minutes and watch the game II he can
..t;i see. Personally if | was forced
into a hockey match l would preah
anoueh rules in the first scrimmage to
kaen me on the sidelines the balance
~ the evening. The principal cause
of temporary disqualification is uncon
seriousness, but you can also get Pc
nalized for poke checking, scragging,
slashing, hooking or murder.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30
Egs.Shell Gardens.

NUTRIENT chemical solutions are
commonly used in all biological
laboratories. Probably the most pop
Tzl@r cne of the kind is that supplied
in taUxa@ IaAca by the Arcadia Labora-
tory In Conpectscut. BY the aid of
these nourishins ass1sts plants may
be grown in all sorts Of 1npromising
situations and with few roots. because
the plant seems to learn soon that
when chemicals are provided 1t does
not need to develop ramifying roots
to search through the soil for the
chemical constituents that are essen
tial to its growth.
+ One of the most popular methods of
experimenting, especially by young
people and by nature study teachers,
has been the cultivation of variety Of
plants from sawdust In egg shells.
Holes about an inch in diameter
should be made in a board or q plank,
and in them the egg shells should be
placed after a tiny opening has been
punched in the bottom of each shell.
The board should be placed over d pan
or some similar receptacle to catch the
drainage. Plant the seeds in the
moistened sawdust and keep them In a
warm places When the plants begin
to grow, wetsthe sawdust with the So
luton either from the original supply
or from the drippings. Among the
plants giving most satisfactory results
by this method may be mentioned,
perhaps first of all as the choice of
the average person, white lupine, sun
flower, oats, Indian corn. For a
decorative climber the hairy vetch has
been found to be very satisfactory.
Six tablets should be moistened, and
when soft should be crushed and
stirred in quart of water. With the
milky fluid feed the young plants. 1t
may be used until they reach ma
turity. Plants may be grown by this
method directly in the solution or on
wire netting suspended over the solu-
ton or in crushed stone, beads, bits of
brick, etc, or in any similar material
through which, the roots may ramify
in dn r>knnGS
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

WITT BODYGO ODD FROM
GOREELAS-
FENS AXPRASS FAT IN MON
KEYS-BEBOON ESKS REIN.
TEMENT-LENDIS MOAIMu
PROSECUTOR CHOICES JOORY
WITT ALTERNATING DURING,
TRIAL.
HENIMAL UNION PROTASTS GUST
FROM TRIAL
TRIAL AXPACTED TO LEST DON
TROO DE AGES-JURY CAT
TING RASTLESS-
JUROR NOMBER ILLAVEN HOLT
FROM CASE WITT ETTACK
FROM FLIZZ-
TRIAL G K A ID u LNsy PUST.
PUNNEDm
Hend from Chepter Tree,
copyright. 1877
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30
Cargo Contrasts.

WITH molasses coming from Java
in cake form. we have a curious
contrast In cargoes from the East
The solid product. rubber, comes as
liquid and the liquid product. molassse
as soiid-for rubber is turned into
milk product, or latex, on the planta
tons of the Straits Settlements. or
perhaps Java itself, for conyenieysc,.
in handling over here. The impc~-.,
ton of "molasses in reed baskets, is
the newer of these innovations. a cargo
of the sort arriving in Philadelphit
the other day being reported as the
1krst for the country.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30
Latest Fads in Sports for Winter
Include Unusual Hockey Development

even halfway across in this vicinity
the trick is to make the distance
without rusting the wheels. SO far
this has been accomplished by only
one man, Nels Stewart of Hoboken
He did it by putting his bicycle on a
ferry boat and riding up and down
the decks till the boat was safely
across the river.
Il bet you l could do that all Win
ter and never rust a Wheel said Mr.
Stewart to his wife.
Not receiving any reply, he looked
over at her and found she had dozed
oNf
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

much on which the driver sits because
he is frozen there. The Eskimo dogs
used to be the only ones used for
these races, but lately they have
added preliminary events for peking-
ese, sealyhams, elbows, etc, drawing,
Of course, smaller sludges or mush and
driven by backward children.
At Lake Placid this Winter there
has been introduced a new pastime
called bobbing for fish. The con-
testants leap up in the air, break the
ice with their heats, continue on
through into the water and bring up
whatever fish they can catch in their
mouths.
In New York the latest fad is hi
cycling across the Hudson to New
Jersey or vice versa. AS the river
is very seldom frozen anywhere near
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

l examined the programs carefully.
Then l looked at my watch.
Hmm" I said Were just too
late to catch Father Bunnykins-the
Fairy of Radio Land"
I'm not sure I'd like that" con-
soled my wife. What else?"
''Well," / replied, 1.-The White Soap
Symphony Orchestra is broadcasting
Debussy's Afternoon of a Faun' at
7:30-and at 8:15 you can hear Some
Aspects of Hook Worm by DIR. Z. f.
EllinSon-and at
l was interrupted by a knock.
TITS the moth balls" said my wife.
1t wasn't the moth balls. But from
superficial glance it would have
taken more experienced man than
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

The six positions on hockey team
are goalie, puck, tripper, right dasher,
left dasher and face off.
Hockey promoters are already look
ing to the future with view to liven-
ing UP the sport, and it is said that
at the next meeting Of the rules COM
mittee a proposal will be made to per-
NIT the spectators to throw boulders
and flatirons at the contestants feet.
Morons who fail to land berths on
hockey teams can usually find employ
ment driving in the dob races between
Canada and st. Paul. These races are
only 500 miles long and the prize is
given to the driver who dies nearest
to St. Paul.
The main event is the Eskimo dog
race, five or six Of these plodding
felines being hitched to a sludge or
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

1t took Bill quite a time to answer
on account of a very violent attack of
laughing.
Sure" he finally replied. Come on
up
''And bring your radio with you"
called another voice into the phone.
wait a minute" said somebody
else. Let me talk to him.
Lookout, Eddie, you'll knock over
Ethel's glass"
! hung up the receiver.
This time / got the operator and in
a few seconds I was talking with the
right party.
He's coming right up" an
nounced.
$50 were those moth balls" said my
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

Come in,' said.
He gulped.
Yes, sir" he replied and slowly
and cautiously he entered.
THE moths are in the closet" I ex-
planned, in an effort to help him out
of his. obvious embarrassment.
He looked at me for a minute in
wide-eyed alarm and then once more
said, Yes, sir
Still he did not move. / walked
over to the closet and opened the
door
'See," / said
He sided up to the door and peered
in. Then he giggled.
Moths" he said.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

wife. "Oh, look--here's a radio section
in the evening paper"
Good" / exclaimed. Maybe we
won't need the expert after all.
/ took the paper and examined it..
A good deal of it seemed fairly in
comprehensive.
Have you got oscillation in the
vario-coupler of your grid circuit?" L
asked.
She blushed.
Maybe that was why / was never
popular at Dances" she said.
Nonsense" / replied, and turned
over the page.
Here's a lot of programs" / said
Perhaps we can decide now what we
want to hear"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30
By RING LARDNER

o the editor: This is the season
of the year when most insane
asylums throw open their
doors and let out enough pa
tients to take part in the
various Winter sports" that have be-
come so popular in Canada and the
northern part of the United states.
Hockey, which is said TO be a varia-
tiou of the war game. poison gas, has
come forward rapidly in the recent
mast and the majority of the refugees
from the bug houses, especially those
with suicidal mania. earn big salaries
on the hockey teams, while they live,
There are big league hockey games in
New York almost every night, but |
have not yet attended one. as I once
went through the Union Stockyards in
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

pedestrians; the bulldog, for eating
tramps, and the lapdog, for indoor
biting. In addition to these, the
great dane, used by the rich for biting
the poor, may be mentioned, along
with the mongrel, used by the poor
for biting the rich.
From contemporary records we learn
that persons who attached themselves
to dog developed the greatest fidelity
toward it, following it around all day,
and walking great distances after it.
often through broken country. Before
the era of flying, it is said that dog
walking was familiar pastime, every
d permitting himself to be accom-
panied by one, two, or even more per.
sons.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30
III.
THE HOUSE-FLY.

The house-fly mot to be confused
with the bat, the hornet and other
household pets of the same epoch)
appears to have been a prime favorite
with our ancestors. The bright, merry
ways of the little fellow. his shiny
coat, his glossy wings and his large
eyes twinkling with merriment, en-
deared him to the household No
household, in fact, was complete-at
least in the bright season of Summer
without its complement of the cherry
little fellows, buzzing against the
window-panes or sitting floating son
the milk.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

of the imagination to see that in a
few moro generations our household
pets of the present will be the extinct
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

The moth can only be, kept alive at an
cost in camphor.
In short, it requires no great effort
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-01-30

y o In de bend from Chepter
Two wheech 1t gave from de
Raptile hage witt de memmel
~ hage de insite fects; so hall
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1927-02-18

Spring styles in models for men and
young men; distinctive patterns; dark
and light colors; single and double
breasted models; plenty of the three-but-
ton models for the collegiate. Satisfac-
ton guaranteed. Size SO to 46.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1927-02-18
DRINK WATER FREELY
# KIDNEYS BOTHER
Also Take Salts if Back Hurts
or Bladder Troubles
You.

Flush your kidneys by drinking a
quart of water each day, also take
salts occasionally, says a noted au-
thority, who tells us that too much
rich food forms acids which almost
paralyze the kidneys in their efforts
to expel it from the blood. They be-
come sluggish and weaken; then you
may suffer with a dull misery in the
kidney region, sharp pains in the
back or sick headache, dizziness,
your stomach sours, tongue is
coated, and when the weather is bad
you have rheumatic twinges.
To help neutralize these irritating
acids; to help cleanse the kidneys
and flush off the body's urinous
waste, get four ounces of Jad Salts
from any pharmacy here. Take a
tablespoonful in a glass of water be-
fore breakfast for few. days, and
your kidneys may then act fine. This
famous salts is made from the acid
of grapes and lemon juice, combined
with lithia, and has been used for
years to help flush and stimulate
sluggish kidneys; also to neutralize
the acids in the system so they no
longer irritate, thus often relieving
bladder weakness.
Jad Salts is inexpensive; cannot
injure and makes a delightful effer-
vescent Whitewater drink.-Adver-
tiSement.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1927-02-18

Patent, tan aud coffee elk
high shoes In blucher style:
Wide extension flexible soles;
rubber heels; sizes Sia TO IL.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1927-02-18

I
State Of New York; innocent, because
harmless, but also ignorant. there
fore dangerous.
The children of the marriage, SOL
emnized at st. Thomas Church, be-
cause solemnized on county's author
ity, were born in wedlock. Please
ask Alice of-the-L Looking Glass how a
child can be legitimate Gf legitimacy
be defined as born in wedlock' }
when the wedlock is nullified-shooed
into the nm-existant? The lock on
that wed must be out Of order.
Here is a daughter, swearing she
was free and knew her business.
Meanwhile, her pious mother swears
that the girl was brutally coerced.
If there was no love in that mar
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1927-02-18

York. Thirty-one years after the
marriage of the Duke and Duchess,
and after their divorce and renar-
riage to other persons, the papal
court announces that the first cere-
mony was null and void.
If the State is to be my papa
and my mama" combined, and the
church has been told to go and roost
with the turkeys the night. before
Thanksgiving, said State should as
sumo, together with the rights she
has usurped beneficently, the duties
it regards, alas, as too onerous to
perform.
Even our dear State Of New York
with its law copy-kittened from Cal
ifornia, fails to demand the positive
identification Of an applicant for
matrimony. Birth certificate re-
uuired to get killed at the front. To
run the risk of increasing popula-
ton, no Identification required at all.
What stupidity, or hypocrisy, or
just sheer neglect!
Left to Chance
Is an oath given as to the deposi.
tons by the parson? No! He is not
entitled to do so. Is it administered
at the County Court? Not on your
lives! "God bless you, my children"
is the attitude. PAY your fee. We
fix the records, Chance does the
rest
AS for the dear idealists who COM
ment on the present mess, Judge Ben
B. Lindsay has made a marvellous
hash out of Knight be's." 1t is
dangerous, almost vicious. / insist
on "Is's," not being a lawyer, like
the dear Judge all America loves.
Granted fraud as to identity or
unfairly overborne will or constitu-
tional incapacity, are just causes for
annulment, yet what of thirty years
to discover the ground of "a coerced
will?"
And what about Bishops Manning
and Dunn in New York who have
QGIOuIlCGQ dllO upiiCio VIC eAAhiAeAA
ment? Charity covers a multitude
of sins so do mitres and all official
paraphernaIia. When one is bish-
CD one thinks first as a bishop, and
then after, in the postscript, as
man. Their arguments are able.
They err in their failure to observe
the fundamental fact. /.
They have omitted to note the
lapse of time, the vital drift of in
situations. The supposed gulf" was
bridged long ago, and bridge burned.
Honest Indian, there is no way back
over. State and Church "am" sep
arate. Br'er Rabbit knows it. but
Bishops don't.
His holiness in Rome has a right
to acede to or refuse the request
to perform a ceremony for a couple,
but he has no right whatever to dis
pute the terms of the license or ques-
ton the legitimacy of the States
authorization. 1t isn't in his prov
ince-out of his jurisdiction.
Sees Attack In State
What action then has the Roman
court attempted to nullify? That of
the former rector of st. Thomas
Church? AS rector-no. AS agent
of the county court-yes. The Roman
assault is on the sovereignty of the
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1927-02-18

Soft finished, absorbent diapers,
heavy quality and antiseptic; size
21x27. One dozen in package.