Evening star., 1927-10-26

toliver Wendell Holmes, American qoa authpr; %s
was born in 1909 and died IN 1S94i ?r' 'toslde he
of medicine. In, his, day he was noted as as
a wit. Among his best known WORKS srare are
poem). 5nn IEeD "The Chambered Nautilus" SERIOUS
AutoGrat Of the breakfast Table ,orv (conyeFsma nn a.
| the most famous bits Of punnlng lore IT
was omitted from the final edition or ms as
| the Atlantic Monthly. January. 1s6lo
The charter of this charitable In
stitution provides for the support of
"One hundred aged and decayed
Gentlemen Punsters." On inquiry If
there was no provision for females.
my friend called my attention to this
remarkable psychological fact, name
ly: There is no such thing as a
female punster.
This remark struck me forcibly,
and on reflection I found that I never
knew nor heard Of one, though have
known q hen to crow.
On arriving at the south gate OF
the asylum grounds, was about to
ring, but my friend held my arm and
begged me to rap with my stick,
which did. An old man with very
comical face presently opened the gate
and put out his head.
$50 you prefer cane to a bell, do
you?" he said. and began chuckling
and coughing at a great rate.
My friend winked at me.
you're still here, Old Joe, see, -
he said to the old man.
Eyes, yes, and it's very odd, con-
sidering how often I've bolted, nights" p"
He then threw open the double
gates for us. We had no sooner got
into the yard than a feeble little
gentleman, with a remarkably bright
eye, came up to us, looking very seri-
Gus, as If something had happened.
1.-THE town has entered a complaint
against the asylum for gambling on
| the premises" he said. ''They say
there's a lot of rye here" and he
pointed to a field of that grain, and
hobbled away shaking with laughter
The superintendent, who went round
with us, had been a noted punster in
his time, and well known in the busi-
ness world, but lost his customers by
making too free with their names as
in the famous story he set afioat in
1929 of forgeries attaching to the
names of noted lawyer, appointment
Judge, the secretary Of the board OF
foreign missions and the well known
landlord at Springfield. One of the
four ferries, he added, was a gigantic
magnitude.
"Do you know" the superintendent
broke out suddenly, 'why they don't
take steps in Tartary for establishing
| insane hospitals?"
My friend and I both confessed
| ignorance.
Because there are no mad people
to be found there" he said, with a
dignified smile.
He proceeded to introduce US to diff.
ferent inmates. The first was a
middle-aged scholarly man, who was
| seated at table with Webster's s
Dictionary and sheet Of paper be-
| fore him.
"Well, what luck today, Mr.. Now
zer?" said the superintendent.
Don't you see Webster's ers in the
words center and theater?' came the
reply. Besides, Webster Is resur-
| rectionist. He does not allow us to
rest quietly in the mold"
The next inmate was semi
| idiotic looking old man. He had a
heap of block letters before him, and,
as we came up, he pointed, without
saying a word, to the arrangements he
DaQ maze Wltn LlGlA Oii lliC LdDAG'
They were evidently anagrams, and
had the merit Of transposing the
letters Of the word employed without
addition or subtraction. Here are a
few of them: "Times-spite. Post
stop. Allopathy-all O. th' pay.
Homeopathy-O. the-O! my! pah?'
At this time a plausible-looking,
| bald-headed man joined us, evidently
| waiting to take part in the converSa-
ton.
Good morning, Mr.. Riggles," said
the superintendent. Anything fresh
this morning? Any conundrum?"
Nothing of any account" he an
swered. I'VE had hasty pudding yes
| terday."
"What has that got to do with
conundrums?" asked the superinten'
| dent.
II asked the inmates why 1t was
like a prince"
"Oh, because 1t comes attended by
it's sweet" said the superintendent.
l