davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

ity he's worth about rs cents.
Chet Black wires from Los Angeles
that the most absent-minded man he
ever saw went bathing, was Knocked
down by the surf and got up as mad
as hornet and began to look for its
license number.
Fred Browning said once in Franco
while the shells were flying around
fine, he and captain dived for hole
at the same time and knocked the
wind out of each other. Soon as Fred
got his wind back, he said:
"Is, that you, captain? ?"
Eyes" said the captain.
Fine" Fred said 81 was holding
my breath waiting for you to ex-
plode."
Judge J. E. Jones says the quickest
acquittal he ever got for client was
back in Arkansas. He asked his eli
ent, who was on the stand in his own
defense:
''Will you please tell the jury where
you were on the night of July 9Th 2"
II think the gentlemen know where
the joint is as well as do" replied
the defendant.
Travelling man asked Ray Babbitt:
"Is it true that you are now the proud
father of twins ?"
eyes, sir" Ray said.
Il suppose one was a girl?"
Eyes"
"And the other of the contrary
sex?"
"Yes,' Ray said. "The other one
is girl, too"
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

Flagstaff Chamber of Commerce
not long ago added another conven-
ience to Flagstaff people to its SER
vice, namely giving the correct time
over the phone to all inquirers. The
other night at twelve o'clock the phone
in the home of Pat Moran, president
of the Chamber of Commerce, rang
and Pat jumped out of bed to answer
it. The person on the other end made
sure it was Pat at the phone, asked
whether it wasn't a fact that he was
president of the Chamber of Com
merce, and, being satisfied on those
points, then asked what time it was.
Al Beasley says a couple fellers
knowing how good fisherman he
was, framed on him before the three
went on a fishing trip by getting him
to agree that the first one to catch a
fish had to buy dinners for the others.
Don't you know" Al said, "them
mean devils both got bites before
did but they was too DANCED ornery to
pull up on their lines!"
$50 you got the first fish and had
to buy the dinners?" we inquired, ex-
pectantly.
No." Al said. sYou see / didn't
have any bait on my hook"
Rev. E. L. Freeland says a comma
can make a lot of trouble if you stick
it in the wrong place. He recalls once
getting a note as he entered the pull
pit, which read:
Peter Bowers having gone to sea,
his wife desires the prayers of the
congregation for his safety" Mr..
Freeland was thinking of something
else connected with his services when
he read the note:
"Peter Bowers having gone to see
his wife, desires the prayers of the
congregation.
Speed Campbell says he's so busy
in the bank that the only way he can
get the amount of exercise he needs
is to slip on the soap after he takes
his BATH
S'pose then he feels fit all day Sun
day.
One of the fellers in Town lost con-
troll of his automobile the other day
because he couldn't keep up the pay
nents.
Ed Whipple says the most busi-
ness-llke man he ever knew ran an
undertaking shop here in the old days.
One night there came two rapid shots
in succession. They were about a
block away. The undertaken hurried
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

on box of Swede matches if you
don't spill any of it; enough mag
nesium for one fair dose; just about
enough potassium to shoot off small
Fourth of July torpedo, and not
enough sulphur to get the fleas off
dog"
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

Asked why the 'sb' is in debt when
it is silent, Professor Micke said he
guessed it was just stuck in there to
supply the sting.
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

off in that direction. In about five
minutes he was back.
81 got both them funerals" he said
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

After all, the fellow who thinks he's
worth about 80 cents can get some
pleasure out of the above, for in real
ity he's worth about rs cents.
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

Joe Blumberg says for a big place,
New York is the worst hick town he
ever heard of. "Vy," Joe says, Gin
dat city dey don't even have Jim
Grow cars for the gentiles."
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14
Old Scottish Couple Examining
Penny Souvenir Cards

He: well hae this one-six black
cats on it."
She: 4Bide a wee, man, there's one
here WI seven!"
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

Ed Whipple says the most busi-
ness-like man he ever knew ran an
undertaking shop here in the old days.
One night there came two rapid shots
in succession. They were about a
block away. The undertaken hurried
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14
CHEERFUL CHIRPS
CRY "DEL"
(RY DEL

Mostly nonsense except idea
along and S grabbed off,
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

One of the fellers in town lost con-
troll of his automobile the other day
because he couldn't keep up the pay
ments.
The Coconino sun., 1927-01-14

. Pat Moran was reading about
thirty-nine Eyetalians and an Irish
man being killed in mine explosion
Dear me, the poor mani" he said.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
YES, SPRINGS URGE IS
 BEING FELT

In the spring young mans fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, runs the ancient and honor able saying. Not only the young man. but the young woman acts that way. Age is no barrier, for folks of all degrees of longevity slip during these blithesome days.
 First we had Mary Lewis taking another chance with Dame Cupid.
 Then Pola Negri steps forward with an announcement she will get married this week.
 Lydia Locke, an opera singer, takes stock with fate and decides 10 get hooked up for the fifth time. Where there is life there is hope.
 Then J. Theodore Murphy, 55- year-old actor, war veteran of the Yankee division and the Spanish war, still keen for action, lets it be known that he is anxious to say T do" for the sixth time, his be- loved being New Haven divorcee who has had eight children, three of them living. The woman in the case is also on the stage.
 As our talented radio editor would say, That's all for today. thanks
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
Observation On He Weather

Washington. May 5.-Forecast for Southern New England: Showers tonight. warmer in the east portion. Thursday generally fair, preceded by showers on the Massachusetts coast. Somewhat warmer ia the east portion. Fresh east and southeast shifting to west winds.
 Forecast for Eastern New York: Showers this afternoon and tonight: cooler in extreme west portion to- night: Thursday generally fair and somewhat cooler, except probably showers in extreme north portion; moderate to fresh south, shifting to west winds.
 Conditions: Disturbances are central this morning over Michigan and Utah. They have caused local showers during the last A hours in nearly all the northern districts and quite heavy showers in the lower Mississippi valley.
 The river guage at New Orleans this morning read PA feet, which is the same as it was yesterday morning. The flood stage is IS feet. The temperature is falling slowly between the Rockies and the Mississippi river and rising slowly from the Mississippi river eastward to the coast.
 Conditions favor for this vicinity partly cloudy weather with light local showers
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
25 Years Ago Today

New Britain council, 0. L. A. M. is the largest council of the order in New England so it will have the largest representation at the state council in Ansonia next Thursday. Nine delegates will be sent, while A. L. Thompson will be eligible to at- tend as q past state councillor.
 Newton's trotting park in Plain- vile is being put in shape and will be used for races this summer. The park has half-mile track and is conveniently located.
 Notwithstanding the many social events which have taken place re- cently the meeting of the w. C. T.. L. yesterday was attended by many members who manifested a deep in- terest in the work of the organiza- tion. The general officers for the ensuing year were elected as fol- lows: President, Mrs. J. E. Atkinson; vlce-president, Mrs. s. H. Wood: treasurer. Mrs. George Graves: cor responding secretary Mrs. L. S.. Wells; recording secretary. Mrs. A. A. Mills.
 It is possible that Spanish may be added to the course at the high school.
 The schedule Of the runs by the wheel clubs Of the Y. M. c. As in this section is as follows: May 20 to New Britain, June IS to Meriden, July to New Haven. July 23 to Hartford. August 10 to Middletown.
 AliX w; Stanley's gasoline ma
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04

soil-tillers and the administration knows it. His time no doubt will be better employed in traversing the country and telling folks that Cool idge can't lose. a job that he has already begun doing.
 Senator McNary may have a few exactions in store for his support of the administration in this farm bus mess; the truth is he has the ambi- tion to get ahead and to do 50 in an unqualified manner. The im- pression that Charles G. Dawes will not be the Coolidge running mate during the next campaign is more than a rumor. Dawes at least can- not be swerved from supporting the farm element; he has convictions and sticks by them. He has dis agreed with his chief on important issues and the President is credited with thinking some other gentleman as vice-president might be desirable. Here is where Senator McNary's ambition bobs up: it may howl like static, but it can't be tuned out.
 McNary would like to be the vice. president.
 Suppose this should happen, and the next Republican ticket would read Coolidge and McNary." A goodly portion of our farming cit izenry in the west would fall over themselves to vote for-McNary. A large sum total of perfectly sound citizens of Irish extraction in the eastern states would fall for Mo- Nary. What McNary would do to the Democratic vote would be con- siderable.
 Congress Is not in session; but very important politics is being played. The McNary family, for instance, Is looking out for the Me Nary name and fame: and the Pres ident Is devising a method to cool the tempers of the farm organiza- tions Nothing dovetails so nicely as politics and expediency.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
Four Supernufneraries
 Added by Police Board

Four names were added to the supernumerary police list at the ad- journed meeting of the board of po- lice commissioners last night, as fol- lows: James F. Kelly, aged B, of 133 Pennington avenue; Charles Lesevicius, aged 24, of 104 Dwight street: Thomas T. Saunders. aged 21. of 33S Sast Main street; John Aiudi, aged 22. of lS4 Oak street.
 The applications of Stewart Por- ter. aged 34, of 1S3 Linden street. and Ladislaw Todzia. aged 22, of 246 Broad street. were rejected. and Ro- sario Tata, aged 25. of 61 Smith street will be notified that because of his weight it is inadvisable to ap- point him at this time. but he will be considered if he cares to apply later. He weighs 134 pounds. which is not sufficient, according to the po- lice department standard. Herman o. Wunsch, aged 2S. of 24 Konstin place, did not pass the physical eX. animation.
 In the absence of Chairman R. W. Chamberlain. Commissioner o. r. Parker presided at the meeting.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
COOLIDGE AND M'NARY

Senator McNary, he whose namt has been identified with certain ob- noXious farm relief legislation which the President in his might had to veto by way of saving the country. has been visiting the tenn porary White House at DuPont Circle lately. On invitation, too, as McNary is no butter-in on other mems premises. Other things be- sides the weather were discussed.
 The President, with 1928 just around the corner. dotes on Senator McNary. He likes the McNary fam- lily so we'll that he recently ap- pointed the senator's brother to federal judgeship in Oregon. And that is something not to be forgot ten or overldA Aked. Small wonder that the senator is beginning to think Calvin Coolidge Is the great est president since George Washing ton.
 Naturally. if We think well Of man, we will go long way to please him. Senator McNary's way of pleasing the president is likely to be a new farm bill "less radical" than the others, one which the president can sign. The Oregon senator, at heart something of a regular Repub- lican, by this time must be sorry he strayed away from the reservation. Now that he has seen that good things can come to the McNary family by standing in with the high lights, perhaps he will be inclined to be less of an insurgent in the future.
 It has come to the point where Senator McNary is expected to spon- sor the administration farm bill" at the next Congress. Not a radical McNary- Haugen measure, remem- Der, with its breath-taking equaliza- tion fee. but an honest to- goodness administration measure, a sort of soft-pedal affair which Is expected to make the farmers feel good without helping them too much.
 This also would dispose of the prospect Of having Senator Fess of Ohio sponsor another administra- ton farm bill. Fesss bills usually lose: he has no influence with the
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
HOW TO COMBAT POISON IVY

The poison ivy season Is about to arrive. How to combat this pesti- ferrous concomitant of hiking is a necessary part of ones education if one desires to remain. If poison ivy were to be found exclusively in the country. 1t might not be so difficult; but the plant is found in the open sections of the towns as we'll, and it is constant threat to children who unthinkingly come into contact with 1t.
 We are no experts on the subject, but as Field and Stream magazine has published an easy way to com- bat the effects of the plant. we take pleasure in presenting the clipping in full. Here it is:
 The cures for the poison ivy plague are as all embracing as the prevalence of the trouble it causes. They range from treatment of the affiiction after it appears on the skin to eradication of the plant. On this latter point, those sensitive to the plant feel strongly and point out that. since the victims are merc- ly people and not pigs or narcissus bulbs, it will be long before we can hope for legislation that makes har- boring poison ivy misdemeanor.
 If one is warned beforehand that he will be near ivy. the iron treat ment does away with the danger. A five per cent solution of ferric chloride in fifty per cent alcohol, dabbied over the face and hands and allowed to dry on, is com- plete success when it is used before exposure and almost completely successful if used directly after ex- posture. A strong solution of fer rous sulfate in water may be used the same way and is said to retain it's chemical properties longer than the first solution.
 If iron salts are not available, a good scrubbing with hot eff possi- ble) water and strong yellow soap as soon after exposure as possible will usually mechanically remove all the poison. which penetrates the skin rather slowly. Another pre- ventive is to wash as soon after ex- posture as possible with a solvent of the resinous tar, such as rubbing al- cohol. Some people get good re- suits by allowing solution Of bak- ing soda to dry on the face. either before or just after exposure. After itching starts, it is too late for pre- ventive measures to do much good.
 In severe cases. great relief is given by bathing the inflamed sur face with the iron solution and then spraying or painting the surface with melted, not hot, paraffin. Lay over this q thin sheet of sterile cot ton, and then another layer of par affln, which is to extend on to the uninjured skin an inch to make a tight seal so that no air can get in and no discharge oozc out.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
GIT SHALL PASS"

The word evidently has gone forth in Hartford that the bill merging the state board of finance and the board of control shall pass. This is the significance attached to its passage by the state senate with only two votes against it.
 Mrs. Alice P. Merritt, state sen- ator from Fairfield, touched upon Q leading objection when she said the bill would wipe out the commission on state institutions just at time when considering the needs Of these institutions appears paramount necessity. The door to the rooms of the appropriation committee, as she indicated, will be closed.
 Of course, that is one way of sav- ing money. Perhaps. as the Fair field senator pointedly remarked. the present Legislature has accom- plished little; but 1t at least has saved money. That's the main con- sideration when political cam paign Is in sight.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04

Dear Mrs. Pillar: My girl and I are going to get married. Some of our friends have got married on roller-skates, and some in airplanes. and things like that, but we don't like to be that unconventional. What do you sug- gest?
 Harry Seabury Dear Harry: It's getting to be quite & fad to get married on a shoe-string! Dear Mrs. Pillar:
 Is it correct for me to ask gentleman-friend to come into the house after he has escorted me to a matinee?
 Freda Watkins Dear Freda: How late does your husband work?
 Copyright, 1927. Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
|S6 REBELS DIE. {
 IN Sk|RMISHES
Mexico City Reports Victories
 in All Sectors

Mexico City, May @ - Eighty six rebels were killed when several bands were dispersed or extermi- mated in the states of Guanajuato, Guerrero and Zacatecas. Monday. says a statement issued today by the presidential bureau.
 Federal forces overlook group of 50 rebels belonging to the band which attacked the Guadalajara train recently and killed four of them and captured one. This took place at San Jorge.
 Twenty-nine rebels were killed in two clashes at Tonaya and Capulin, state of Jalisco.
 General Saturnino Cedillo, mill. tary commandant in San Luis Pc. tosi. has reported to President Gales that the state of Guanajuato is quiet, former General Rodolfo Gallegos. with six of his followers hiding in the mountains.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
FINANCING THE BLEACHERS

Where there is . will there is a way, runs the old saw. New Brit ain is finding the way to finance the construction of bleachers in Willow Brook park. and it looks as If the annual football game in the park will take place this fall.
 This is as it should be. The bank standing back of the plan to finance the bleachers is being actuated by admirable civic spirit; the business men who are interested in whatever tends to enhance the prestige of the city will likewise be interested.
 The situation Is clear by this time: If the game is not played in New Britain for lack of the bleach- CTS to accommodate the crowd, the advertising will be of a kind that will be a serious detriment to the city's reputation.
 It is indeed a pleasure to note the effort being made to solve the diff culty through these practical means.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04

rous method which in . bygone day took no liberties with fair woman kind? What has become of that honesty of intentions and purity of mind which did not seek to take advantage of women temporarily in the care of the sterner sex? If this business of attempting to degrade confiding companions is not alto gether too common. why the wide spread joking about it, on the stage and of?
 No police or court considerations need be shown such violators of womanly confidence, is our opinion. If cure is necessary 1t may as well be brought about with first rate medicine.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
FORCING RIGHTEOUS GIRLS
 TO WALK HOME

One case has already come to the attention of the police this spring where young women, after repulsing the advances of their companions in an automobile. were left to walk along the highway at least for a short distance.
 There are many jokes made about matters of this kind: the phrase Tor walk home" is one of those wise cracks which are guaranteed to draw a smile or a snicker. The busi- ness that the phrase insinuates is one of the most reprehensible that tonfronts modern youth.
 One reads almost daily of girls who. accepting the proffers of an automobile ride. suffer indignities before they arrive q. their destina- lions. Sermons of warning have been preached by the score. but the crop Of unwary evidently never diininishes
 What has become of the chival-
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04

What poem contains tho line Thou still unravished bride of quietness"?
 A. It Is the first line of Keats Ode on a Grecian Urn". Q. Has Turkey a diplomatic rep- resentative in the United States? A. The United States has no diplomatic and consular relations with the Republic of Turkey. The diplomatic and consular representa- tives of Spain have charge of Turk ish interest in the United States.
 Q. How old must one be before he can join the Marine Corps and what is the period of enlistment?
 A. Eighteen years is the mini mum age. The first two months of the recruits time are given to the study and practice of the regular duties of soldier. At the end of this period the recruit becomes a full-fedged Marine, ready to. go everywhere and do anything that is required of a Marine. The enlist ment is for four years.
 o. What was the official date of the termination of the Civil War?
 A. The Proclamation by Presi- dent Andrew Johnson on April 2. 1866 declaring that the war had now terminated was the only formal notice that the war was ended.
 Q. What is the address of Bruce Barton?
 A. A East 10th street, New York City.
 Q. What is the remainder of the verse that begins What is so rare as day in June"?
 A. The verse is from James Russell Lowell's Vision of Sir Laun- fal." and is as follows:
 What is so rare as day in June?
 Then if ever come perfect days. Then heaven tries earth if it be in
 tune,
 And over it softly her warm ear
 lays"
 Q. When and where will the naval maneuvers occur this year?
 4. From May 16 to the 2Sth. 1927, off the coast of New England.
 Q. Is it good form to send an- nouncement cards of an engage ment?
 A. It is not good form to send out announcement cards. The news- papers should be given a notice of the engagement, if desired and the of the girl may give 2 dim ner at which the formal announce ment may be made.
 Q. Can the President of the United States vote at the presiden- tial elections?
 A He can and usually does 20 to his place of legal residence to vote.
New Britain herald., 1927-05-04
APPROPRIATIONS AND THE
 BUILDING PROGRAM

According to the lengthy state ment of Senator Edward F. Hall, the state has enough money in sight from taxes to take care of the ap- propriations. So careful has been the figuring that the outgo and in- come shows only approximately $20.0o0 during the next two years; and as the money to be handled to- tals more than $42,O0o,ooo. this re- suit can be regarded as little less than remarkable.
 Various state buildings will be improved. but it is admitted that the full list of improvements needed are not to be made during the next two years, this being left to the Legislature of 1929. The New Britain senator is of the opinion that the next legislature will see its way clear to construct whatever ad- ditional buildings are necessary for Mansfield and the Middle town asylum, as we'll as construct a new office building for the legis- lature in Hartford. This not only seems reasonable to expect, but rather sounds imperative, consider ing the rumpus caused this year by the information that the necessary buildings could not be provided for at this time, due to the states re- luctance to issue bonds for such im- provements.
 That is the weakness of the pay as-you-go policy. Improvements that by all principles of economics come under the head of capital ex- penditures are turned aside when it is 8 matter of making a good finan- cial showing on the states books. Citizens who build houses are ex- pected to accommodate themselves with mortgages: but the state, when 1t builds, will have none Of this. If there is not enough money in sight the buildings are not constructed Meanwhile the states equipment suffers. More dissatisfaction with the system seems to be brewing yearly. At no time has the press of Connecticut been filled with more outbursts of dissatisfaction than this year.
 Senator Hall is optimistic about the possibilities two years hence. He says the 1929 legislature in all probability will be able to construct new public buildings without the bond issue. If that can be done, nobody will object: but there can be no doubt about it that what the state needs by all means will have to be constructed at that time. It is bad enough. judging from complaints. for various depart ments of the state to worry along under present conditions without the equipment deemed necessary.