The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1927-10-12

troubles" says a trte old proverb. In addition
to that it makes you a frghtful bore. Keep
your headache and your heartache to yourself,
the World has a-plenty Of it's own.
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Birmingham, England has curfew law to
keep dogs off the streets after dark Might not
be bad thing to put into effect in Redwood
Falls. How many want the job of rounding up
the yellow pups and escorting them to their
several and varied homes?
We are NOT going to move to Sweden
There they have invention by which you can
not escape the telephone even by getting up and
leaving home. By recent invention of a tele-
phone which works on the principal of phono-
graph record, sensitive roller takes the mes
sage and delivers it to you when you get home.
Most certainly we are NOT going to move to
Sweden!
We always knew there was some good rea-
son why we couldn't abide gold fish and now we
know what it is They are dangerous animal!
Comment has recently been made the fact
that several fires have been started in the past
by the suns rays passing through the fish bowls,
the globe acting as magnifying glass. One
good thing-the fish were cremated along with
the other things burned!
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Here's choice one from The Open Road:
An Englishman after long travels in
America testified follows: NEARLY
all the roads in Hamerica bally
good. The Lincoln Highway, Washing
ton boulevard and Jefferson 'ighway
and all the roads built by the great
Hamericans are hexcellent. But
bloonin' Frenchman by the of De-
Tour built lot of branch roads that are
simply 'orrible, doncher know"
49,
He entered the exclusive cafe Four wait
ers waved him to his seat. One seated him. Two
inquired if he approved the weather. Another
poured water for him. His table cloth
changed and several walters engaged busily in
polishing the saltshakers. The fan near him was
turned on at the proper angle. hammered
brass ash tray was brought to him. Fresh flow
ers were put on the table. The orchestra began
a soft, haunting tune. He was handed two
menus. He ordered an egg sandwich with onion
and cup of coffee-Galley Wampus.
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Just within the past few weeks West Vir-
gina mother killed her infant daughter because,
as she said in her confession, she didn't have the
money to provide for her. The mother may or
may not have been fundamentally wicked, but at
the very best of things she criminally ig-
norant she would have known that there are
hundreds of places where the baby could have
been cared for until such time she could pro-
vide for it. The world doesn't fulfill its duty
when it erects institutions of public welfare-it
must educate its public to their existence and
their efficiency.
When Captain Appleton of Redwood Falls
returned from his recent visit to England he told
of the pitiabe condition over there of the false
charity of the "dole system" This system has
been held up, by the two socialistically inclined,
as a splendid example for America to follow.
Mr.. Appleton pointed out its bad features and it's
false kindnesses and the other day Grove Pat
terson, writing for the Duluth Herald, made
this comment on it which seems to bear out ex-
actly what the Redwood Falls said:
"The unemployment pension is prob
ably of the worst things that ever
1 happened to England. 1t helps many
family for time, but eventually it takes
away the Independent spirit and the self
reliance of the worker. Too much de-
pendence on government is deadly"
Evidently there are worse places in which
to live than the old U. S. A.
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The Cleveland Welfare Bulletin finds an
unusually ingenious boy who starts himself out
in an entirely new line of business 1t might be
even as lucrative for organizations to take up
as home talent plays and such. This lad, on a
little card makes the following offer to the pub
lie:
Mr.. GERALD ALLEN JR.
Personal Escorter
Tots and Riddles took to school and
returned promptly in perfect eondishion
if received that way. Military discip-
! line. Rates 25 cents a weak Spechio
t.ates to twins. Refined conversation.
No extra charge for wipin. All $
asst is trial.
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The following apt and adaptable little para
graph is reprinted from "ASIDES," the very
clever column which is a weekly feature of the
Minneota Mascot.