New Britain herald., 1927-09-03

chance of getting things cheaper where you are going? of course,
 these difficulties will appear trivial i and the solutions will be nullifed
 when you arrive and find a one
 burner kerosene stove in impossible ! condition.
 ,. The chaperon problem. To be honest and go without them at all i or merely to take along a couple Of i deaf, dumb. and blind cripples to 1 ward off talk but to be forgotten { completely?
 6. The program problem. How are you going to quiet the last noisy ones when the rest want to get to ] sleep? What will make everyone go in swimming at the same time in
 order that meals may be fairly regu-
 lar? Is there any way of making ! those assigned to K. P. duty actu- i ally do their work? In fact. after | everyone has stayed up all night. 1 how is anyone going to have pep ! enough left to do anything except doze or perhaps play Q sleepy game of bridge?
 i z. The diplomacy problem. This i neat little puzzler involves maintain ] ing friendly relations with the
 neighbors you kept aWay--especially
 the ferocious man who looks like i he would not be averse to using a
 shot gun-and also discovering the 1 far limit of the owners patience in order that you may stay within i bounds and perhaps be able to come i again.
 ! s. The dilemmas above may seem insoluble, but, if so. how are
 you going to even describe this last ! one, especially if 1927 week ends run true to form. It is the one
 which always delivers the final blov-the weather problem. We have written the great Amer
 ican football movie. We have yet to choose the stars to play the parts but we are favoring some young
 player like George Fawcett to play
 the lead. The movie follows:
 The scene is laid at HATHAWAY COLLEGE where everybody wears
 foppy pants and roll-ncck sweaters
 although nobody knows just why movie directors pick out that uni
 form to typify collegiate dress. The hero, WRIGHTON MIGHT. often laughingly referred to as
 That Ape" is observed disembark- ing from a train al the station of the college town on the first day of
 school. There is no gang fight be- tween the freshmen and the sopho- mores nor is WRIGHTON hazed. ductor or policeman.
 WRIGHTON goes to his room at
 the school Unmolested. On the way
 he does not meet the heroine. LOIS HATHAWAY. nor is she the daugh- ter of the Dean but instead has a perfectly good old man who runs q garage on West 1inney street. She
 is not especially pretty and wears a Number sec shoe.
 On the first day of practice the coach, COACH WILLIPS, does not
 find that WEIGHTON is a marvel. The hero is not put on the first team during the first week of practice nor
 does he find on the team a rival,
 GNASHAN LEER. GNASHAN does not love LOIS and is about twenty
 times as good at all around football as our funny hero can ever hope to
 be.
 WRIGHON does not take LOIS to
 the prom which. somehow, is always
 thrown on the second day of the
 school year. While at this dance
 he does not try to kiss LOIS nor
 does she slap his face and burst in-
 10 tears if he does. She is nuts about
 GNASHAN LEER but that buzzard
 will not see her with a monocle.
 calling her One Sweet Sap" and
 cutting in on her dances only be-
 cause she is a cousin or has a car
 or something.
 The day of the Big Game draws
 near. WR1GHTON, who is not in
 the least disappointed when he
 hears that LOIS is untrue to him a
 report which did not originate with GNASHAN LEER but is general
 gossip founded on strict truth, does
 not get drunk on the night before
 the game nor is he thrown off the
 squad rather than squeal on some body. In fact WRIGHTON was the merry himbo who went to the Y. M.
 C. A. secretary with the news that
 a few of the boys were whooping it up at Lotto two nights week in the
 sanctty of their dormitories. It is
 generally known that he is a sorry puddle but he is not considered worth the effort to throw off the varsity.
 The day of the Big Game arrives The hated rival school, SWAMPEM L., arrives and proceeds to run through everything that HATHA- WAY has to offer. There are no long shots of the Harvard Dart
 mouth game of 1923 nor are there any close-ups of men falling over one another in a mad effort to let the men with the ball past without stumbling all over his own feet.
 WRIGHTON sits on the bench from the time the referee puts on his white knickers until the game
 ends with the score S1 to 0 in favor
 of SWAMPEM. LOIS does not meet him on the way to the showers nor does she wrap two arms about his
 neck Is he plods to his room. She forgot there was a game that day. THE END