The producers news. [volume] (Plentywood, Mont.) 1918-1937, 1927-07-29

STAHLBERCER
SANDWICHES
By John A. Stahlberg, Outlook
Good for ThOt)
AS | gaze at the list of names in
the telephone book, / am reminded of
the horrible handles that some people
give their children, and am prompted
to suggest that parents who are un-
able to find civilized name for a
child may as well go the limit. They
might, for instance, call the eldest
girl Hysteria Diapason; the eldest
boy Delirium Tremendous; the next
girl, Lolita Folly; and so on. The
last child could be called Terminal
Moraine, irrespective of sex.
Definite happiness lies in having
something definite to do, and in do
ing this something we'll lie dignity
and power with their attendant adj
vantages.
To be sure, 1 have that curious
human failing of being unable to
wax enthusiastic over any person,
who, without any particular cause,
elects to treat me as an enemy. 1t
is probably just one more phase of
the desire to be accommodating
Today's Timely Appeal: If you owe
the baker, and happen to be broke,
please hustle around and raise the
dough, for that it what he kneads.
A girl once told me that she would
not marry me if l were the last man
on earth. Considering the law Of
supply and demand, she probably
couldn't.
Grammatical Note: ''Thot" is an
abstract noun, as it does not occupy
space, and "brain" is concrete-but
few people admit it
Wherever you find a truly superior
person, there you will also find a
great number of interiors who envy
and hate him and derive their great
est happiness from making him I'M
happy.
Men are more to be depended upon
than women. When woman saws
"No" she means eyes" whereas when
a man says "No," the most he ever
means is maybe"
Political Note: The Waitress tells
me that Democracy is a government
composed of a popular President and
an unpopular Congress, or vice versa.
The more fighting there is between
President and Congress, the more de-
mocratic is the government.
The trouble with the younger gen
Grafton seems to be that it is always
one generation younger than that
generation which was the latest pre-
ceding generation to be cussed as the
younger generation. In other and
slightly less involved words, we visit
upon our offspring what our worthy
ancestors visited upon us.
Today's Biggest Lie: | once heard
a woman admit that it was possible
Tor a man to disagree with her and
still be a gentleman.
Suggestion to Tunney: When YOU
meet Dempsey in return bout. do
not try to fight him; he can beat
you at that easily. Simply walk to
the center Of the ring, strike a ORA
matte pose, and recite Romeo and
Juliet. 1t is estimated that bv the
time Dempsey wakes up it will he
TOO late to fight, and you will win
by default. -
Definition of the Average Relioi-
louS Greed: A highly complex plan
Tor supervising your neighbours NOR
ais at the Immediate neglect and Ill
'iii'0Oe FISK OF your own.
When fool, in order to bolster nm
ms own prejudices, quotes the nreg
juices of other fools, there results
net strengthened argument. but a
confession of weakness.
You have enemies, who also bave
enemies in their turn. You have
friends, and your enemies also have
friends. When one of your enemies
speaks about you, he quotes the onin-
lons OF your other enemies to show
mat because unkind things have been
SAID about you you must be bad H.
does not quote your friends. like
WISE when he defends himself, he re-
calls the opinions of his friends to
snow that because kind things have
oeen said of him he must be GOOD
lie does not recall his nemies. Ac
cordlng to such reasoning, We can
easily reach the following conclusions:
Certain Seeessionists said unlind
things about Lincoln; therefore Lin
ccln was bad. Certain critics said nm
KIND things about Longfellow: there
lore Longfellow was bad Certoi,,
Jews said unlind things about Jesus:
therefore Jesus was bad. Certain
courtiers flattered Nero. tberoforo.
Nero was eOOdf y