New Britain herald., 1927-10-15
THE OBSER VER- Makes Random Observations
 On the City ano Its People

any llHelHdn DTedklnS through Will be forced to halt. Quarterback f1ourishes pint of real stuff and tears for sidelines. decoying other team away from the play-this quar- terback should be a second string player, for he will be kMed in the rush of players, officials, and specta- tors.
 Center, meanwhile. has been merely standing still and thinking up new wisecracks to write on his fivver, He now passes the ball This 1 is received by the head of the science department, who has been rushed in to substitute for the full ! back. This professor projects himself into Elnstein's fourth dimension | tlme-and back to an hour before , the game started. At that time there were no opponents, on the field, so ! he walks mp the gridiron unmolested and rematcrialzes himself behind the goal line for the winning touch down.
 ! We have discovered a crying need for some sort of set of rules con- corning the telling of jokes, funny stories or alleged funny stories. At present a haphaZard system per- mits some idiot 10 ramble on and 1 on telling a story we have heard several times and which we know i he is going to end wrong with a probable No. l got that wrong. It was a Swede and an Irishman 1 instead of two colored women-'. i Something must be done about the state of affairs existent today which allows some amateur monologists to | blat out a joke which really is fun ny but which We must greet with 1 dumb expressions of bewilderm ent because the Little Woman is sitting at our elbow and would have to have it explained to her, more than likely.
 With a view towards preventing occurrences such as we have men, 1 toned, we have drawn up q set of resolutions concerning the art Of joke telling which We are planning on submitting to the International JolSesters' society, providing these ! is such an organization.
 Resolution One: If, when start ing 10 tell story, the party of the i first part shall explain to the party stop me if you've heard it." and i the party of the second part shall i have heard it, the said party of the second part shall be at liberty to use any method desirable to stop the 1 party of the first part excluding ! drowning or pushing from trestles more than 100 feet in height l Resolution Two: In the event the i party of the first part shall start a story which will take more than 20 minutes to relate and then shall, at ! the end, eXclaim. "No-wait a min ute-Ive got that wrong" or "Now, how did that story end up?" he shall be imprisoned for not more than 20 years or fined not more than | 5,0G0 or both.
 Resolution Three: In the event the party of the first part shall tell, relate, explain or attempt 10 tell, relate or explain a story which shall be termed objectionable in a party which includes at least one girl who looks like she will demand an eX- planation of aforesaid story he shall be asked to leave the state in A hours or suffer an Imprisonment of not less than five years.
 Resolution Four: Anyone telling, explaining. mentioning or relating or attempting 10 tell, explain, mention or relate any of the following stories shall be hanged by the neck until dead: "Who was that lady," ''No- body but us chickens" "Remem- Der the Johnstown flood" or any story bordering or having reference to the above mentioned stories or any story having characteristics which classify it with the stories above mentioned.
 Resolution Six Anyone not laughing heartily at any stories we ourselves might relate, shall be termed dull, lacking a sense ot humor and other terms which we will be at liberty to choose.
 New Britain is not the dance towr it used to be That statement comes from one of New Britain's wei known dance orchestra leaders, who has been in the business for sevcra years and has seen many so called bands" come and go
 Not that New Britain people don'' like to dance. They do, but the at. traction of the public dance is no enough to bring large crowds any more. Dancing is just an item 1T the evenings fun now-a- days, ant unless atmosphere, food, entertain ment and such like are coupled witt it, it doesn't go
 Time was when public dances at tracted large crowds which gathered just to enjoy themselves. Fifty cent: was the usual price, and the peopl' who attended used to have a whal' of a time. The appearance in Nev ! bllldll Ol dll lldt " elS d all famous was the signal for thu populace, at least the younger mem bcrs of it, to turn out en masse.
 But nowadays things are differ ent. There are ten large halls il New Britain, and the man who wa
 interviewed vouchsafed to say tha
 only one of thcm is capable of draw ing a large croyd. And that's n reflection on the halls themselves It is merely that the idea of dancing :, only dancing does not appeal as , did.
 Hotel ballrooms night clubs an ' road houses draw a goodly numbe
 of people from New Britain. Tn
 dance places in Hartford are visite
 nightly by New Britain people
 Why? In the opinion of the gen tleman interviewed it is because 0 . that new kind of entertainment, lat : mosphere." Of course, the dane