Evening star., 1927-12-06
WORLD FAMOUS STORIES
MR.. BLOKE'S ITEM
BY MARK TWAIN.

| never read his item to see whether
there was anything wrong about II
and sent 1t to the printers. And what
has my kindness done for me? 1t has
done nothing but bring down upon
me storm of abuse and ornamental
blasphemy.
Now l will read that item my.
self and see if there Is any founda
ton for all this fuss. And if there
is, the author of it shall hear from
me.
l have read it, and I am bound to
admit that it seems a little mixed at
first glance. However, | will peruse
| 1t once more. -
| II have read it again. and it does
really seem a good deal more mixed
than ever.
have read it over five times, but
II l can get at the meaning of 1t |
wish | may get my just deserts. 1t
| won't bear analysis. There are things
about it which l cannot understand at
| ALL
| 1t doen's say whatever became of
| William Schuyler. 1t just says enough
about him to get one interested in his
, career. and then drops him. Who is
William Schuyler. anyhow, and what
part of South Park did he live in
and If he started downtown at 6
o'clock, did he ever get there, and If
he did, did anything happen to him?
Is he the individual that met with
tthe distressing accident?
Considering the elaborate circum-
stantiality of detail observable in the
item, it seems to me that it ought to
contain more information than it does.
On the contrary, it is obscure-and
not only obscure, but utterly incom-
prehensible.
Was the breaking of Mr.. Schuyler's
leg,' Is years ago, the distressing
accident" that plunged Mr.. Bloke into
unspeakable grief, and caused him to
come up here at dead of night and
stop our press to acquaint the world
with the circumstance? Or did the
"distressing accident" consist in the
destruction of Schuyler's mother-in-
laws property in early times? Or did
1t consist in three years ago talbeit it
does not appear that she died by ac.
cidenO? In a word, what did that
distressing accident" consist in?
What did that driveling ass of a
Schuyler stand in the wake of a
runaway horse for, with his shouting
and gesticulating, il he wanted to stop
him? And how the mischief could he
get run over by a horse that had al
ready passed beyond him? And what
are we to take warning by? And
how is this extraordinary chapter of
incomprehensibilities going to be
lesson" to us? And, above all, what
has the intoxicating bowl got to do
with 1t, anyhow? 1t is not stated that
Schuyler drank, or his wife drank,
or that his mother-in-law drank, or
that the horse drank-wherefore
then, the reference to the intoxicating
bowl?
1t does seem to me that if Mr.. Bloke
had let the intoxicating bowl alone
himself he never would get into so
much trouble about this exasperating
imaginary accident. I have read it
over and over again, with all it's
insinuating plausibility. until my head
swlms, but l can make neither head
nor tail of it.
There certainly seems to have been
an accident of some kind or other.
but 1t is impossible to determine what
the nature Of it was or who was the
sufferer by it. / do not like to do il
but l feel compelled to request that
the next time anything happens to
one of Mr.. Bloke's friends he will
append such expla natory notes to his
account Of it as will enable me to
hnd out what sort of an accident II
was and 10 whom it happened. I had
rather all his friends should die than
that should be driven to the verge
OF lunacy again in trying to cipher
our the meaning of another such nro.
auction as the above