davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
OF the month.
". v. Straughn
The Reason

The Reason
Friend: That short-stop Of yours
is a good man, but he has never
made home run in his life. has
hep"
Manager of Baseball Team: NO.
You see. it's like this: One day last
year he made a double, and the
next day his wife presented him
with twins; this year he made a
triple, and his wife had triplets;
and since then he's afraid to even
try to hit single!"
Walter j. Goldsmith
Copyright. 1927, Reproduction
Forbidden)
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

A good idea for pedestrians In the
downtown section on Saturday eve
nings is to bring cots along with
them, thus enabling them to take a
nap while waiting for the signal to
cross.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Belated sport note: No Associated
Press sports writer attempted to
give an opinion as to whether
Dempsey fouled Sharkey. To quote
the classic phrase originating $500
E. c., huff Sed."
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Gasoline interests fear further
price retrenchments in the fall.
Crude oil in storage exceeds 430.-
100000 barrels. However, no receiv-
ership for the Standard Oil is yet
feared.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

A ship containing a vast store of
dynamite in the hull figured in
collision the other day and the crew
promptly abandoned the vessel.
Thus proving conclusively that the
dynamite didn't go off.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
Musty Cellars
Made Clean
Smelling

Dank odors mean unwholesome
conditions. Germs multiply rapidly
in dark. musty corners and damp
ness. Disinfect such places by
sprinkling with a Sylpho-N So
tablespoonful to gallon OF
warm water. 1t will check organic
decay and make your cellar clean
and -smclling-as healthful as
any room in the house. Get Sylpho-
Nathol at all dealers.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Correct this sentence: II always
treat my children the same way
said she, whether I'm in an i'll
humor or a good humor"
Copyright, 1927, Publishers
Syndicate.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Member Audit Bureau Of Circulation
The A. B. c. 10 national Organization
which furnishes newspapers and adveT-
tisers with . strictly honest analysis oil
circulation. Our circulation statistics are
based upon this audit. This tnsures pro-
lection against fraud In newspaper dis
tribution figures to both national and
local Advertisers
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

synthetic gasoline and synthetic
rubber are announced future posi-
bilities, What about synthetic auto
biles?
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

The only profitable advertising medium
in the City. Circulation books and press
room always open to advertisers
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
The Fun Sliop Janitor Speaks!
By the Janitor Himself

Dy tAC JoHltol 1llIllStll
Oh Folks who fail to make the
grade.
For poems dull and rank you
Send to my boss l really do
Sincerely, truly thank you!
Perhaps you think that this is odd
The boss, he doesn't need 'em,
And as for me, you bet your life
l never, never, read EN-!
The boss he separates the mall
What's weak or lame, he spurns
EN-,
And when the wicker's brimmi:.g
I takes 'em out and burns 'em.
/ hope your right arm never fails!'
Whate'er the boss is wishin',
hope you write ten times as
much
Your work means my position!!
He Saw Stars-Not the World!
Hartley: How did you get that
black eyer"
Carter: Corey told me to tell it
to the marlnes-and I did,"
Selma G. Lobo
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Another of life's dismal failures
is the effort to enthuse over an old
college chum you haven't seen in
ten years.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

One thing that initiates against
the future popularity Of airplaining
is that the things can't be parked up
side road.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Member OF tho Associated Press
The Associated Press 10 exclusively en-.
titled to the use for republication OF
all news credited to It or not otherwise
credited IN this paper aud also local
news published therein.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Beautifying parks has reached a
,Ifgh point of excellence, Beautifi-
cation Of vacant city lots, however, is
where it was 40 years ago.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

There's virtue in sunshine. Many
a man who feels too sick to sit in
his swivel chair feels rather well in
the bleachers.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

The Office hours in city hall are
our idea OF nothing to worry about.
Send in, your checks by mail.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Life insuraffce agents don't seem
such a pest if you happen TO know
a few widows whose husbands didn't
believe in insurance.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

A man is for the under dog or
he likes to be on the winning side
You can tell by his attitude toward
the Yankees.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

The scheme to put Congress on
the air" should at least be as popu-
lar as the Congressional Record.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

The wish you were here post
cards are arriving-but not by air
mail.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Army and Navy men should be
retired earlier, while they have the
vigor to cuss the service in print.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

The Herald 10 on sale daily In Ne"
York at Hotalings Newsstand Times
SQUARE; schultx's NewsUands. Entrance
Grand Central, And Street
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

The governors conference at
Mackinac island at least ought TO
be a successful outing.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Further reduction of income taxes
is probable; which should be hot
news for Ford owners.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

1t appears that Prince Carol has
also claimed a foul.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
He Saw Stars-Not the World!
LIGHT OR DARK!

Dear M. F. j.;
l live in a rather old rooming
house, and some OF the partitions
aren't exactly alright.
The room next to mine~is .occu-
pied by a young man named Hol-
brook, a handsome brunette.
He raped at my door the other
evening and suggested that I take
dinner with him.
II can't 60" I said, I've mis-
placed my garters."
you put them in the top drawer
of your dresser last night" said
Holbrook.
Warbling Whiffenpoofs,
THAT'S why l prefer blondes.
Edna G. Barlow
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
THE DIAL SYSTEM

1t is considered probable that
within a reasonable time the dial
system of telephoning will be insti-
tuted in all the leading cities of
Connecticut. The object OF the tele-
phone company, OF course, is to save
money-which is another way of
earning money. So far as we are
aware, the public has not as yet been
invited to share any of the money
thus saved or earned.
The dial system has invaded"
Hartford, is supplanting the manual
switchboard connection system In
New London, is bruited for Meriden;
and in all likelihood will reach New
Haven, Bridgeport, New Britain and
other Of the Nutmeg metropoli In
due time.
The editor of the Manchester
Herald evidently has lived in a dial
city. Here is what he thinks OF 1t:
But let nobody who has not
lived In a dial-telephoned city
get the idea into his head that
this device is all gravy for the
subscriber. When one Is to be
hooked up with another sub
scriber's station somebody has
10 do the work of hooking up.
Now the hello girls do it. BY the
dial system it Is the subscriber
who does 1t. You not only pay
your fare but you work your
passage into the bargain. 1t is
not quite the same as dropping
a token in a trolley car grab
box and then having to run the
bonneville yourself, but Is a
fraction of the same thing.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

"See America First" was good
slogan in its time, but now the
darned bill boards are up.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Another way to keep from grow
ing old is to say just what you
think when the garage man says
the bill is $3.50.
You never saw d man with the
daily bath habit who had an infer
iorty complex.
If you must lick the kids for w.
ing. always do your lying where
they can't hear it.
Let the effete East boot il 1t will.
Where they have ten-gallon hats
they don't have half-pint pockets.
Americanism: Yanking the car to
your own side of the road calling
the other fellow a fool driver.
See America First" was a good
slogan in its time, but now the
darned bill boards are up.
Half the world may not know how
the other half lives, but it knows
enough to disapprove.
Even a woman can't rob with
firearms in Texas, but the gold dig
gers get by there as elsewhere.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Usually
Machin; How long are you going
to be away on your Nacation?"
Jordan We'll, boss expects me
back On the 10th, ! expect to get
back on the 18th, so I'll probably
be back about the 20th."
Joseph F. Lillenthal.
WE GIVE THIS GIRL LOTS OF
CREDIT!:
Dear Editor
Peggy (heiress to PLENTYJ
And /
Had gone about ten miles
In my tlivNer
When l finally asked,
Il wonder who that nosey bore is
That's following u.s.
Peggy smiled.
That's the chauffeur"
She said.
You didn't think
I'd WALK home. did you?'
I felt Hike
The thirtieth
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
New Britain Herald
HERALD. PuBLIsHINo COMPANY

: Issusl Daily (1unday Excspted}
Al Herald Bldg. 81 Church Street
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Entered 1t the Post Once At New Brit
ain ~ Second Class Mail Natter.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Attorney C. F. Conlon will open
an office in Plaiuville next week.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Meester Judell:
Rosa gotta da hair Ikea da fine
spaghetti. Her eyes looka like da
cross word puzz. When I wasa da
litla falla. I gonna make love to
Rosa, SO we goa toa da picknickle
weed her farder, her murder, her
whole lotsa sists an bruds.
We sitta under da wiffle-tree an
bills and cucl1oos an makesa lotsa
whatsa you cell love. Den ! saya to
her "Whena We gonna get mar
ried?" ana she says to me II don
know. you gotta aska ma husband"
Pretty soon queek a greata beeg
faila he come to me an say Whats
mat you neck wild ma wife," ] say
| amt neck, I gotsa ma clothes on.
He say "WhGtsa dees?" ana he
peeka da blonde hairs off ma coat.
I say much frad 'Datsa not you
wife's hair, 6atsa spaghetti / eats
yesterday morning"
He say ALA right, eefa datsa
spaghetti you gonna eat some
more" Den he makesa me eat da
blonde hairs an l feel mucha zig
inside.
Galloping garlic!
Ana datsa why when gonna
make-a da love to other fallas
wfes l gonna prefer brunuts.
Tony the Bootblack
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Americanism: Yanking the car to
your own side of the road; calling
the other fellow a fool driver.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25
!:&x&8';.:.
1235
MxS0N/ Hlzu Nnns
Send all communication TO Fun
Shop Editor, care Of the New
Britain Herald, and your letter
will be forwarded 10 New York.

How About 1t, Folks?
We take so much on hearsay, THE
Fun SHOP recommends
Taking more on cheer-say, hailing
foes or friends
With joke so merry, with a grin
so gay
1t makes flapper's beach-coat
look colorless and gray.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Business Once 80. y2b
Editorial Rooms 80. S26
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

Let the effete East boot il it will.
Where they have ten-gallon hats
they don't have half-pint pockets.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

If you must lick the kids for ~
ing. always do your lying where
they can't hear it.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

RUBSCRIPTION RATES
SS.ee Q Year.
S3lt Three Months.
7sc. . Month.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

How 1t Was!
Pierce: They say Welton lost his
job. Was he caught napping?"
Terry: mo, he was caught nip
ping"
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1927-07-25

You never saw a man with the
daily bath habit who had an infer
iority complex.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02

These marvellous furniture bargains are spread over our entire Eighth Floor, Ninth Floor and Elev- enth Floor. Everything from desks and magazine carriers to kitchen cabinets has been cut down in price and if there is any possible need in your home we urge you to buy now.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
HOSPITAL PATIENTS ARE
 REMOVED FROM BUILDING
Fire Damage Between $10O,O00 and S2O0,OOO at University of Michigan Institution.

Ann Arbor, Mich, Feb. (UP)- An investigation of the origin of a fire which last night destroyed he medical ward of the University of Michigan General hospital was un- der way today.
 Due to prompt measures by hos pital officials and volunteers, more than 50 patients convalescing in the destroyed wing of the hospital, and 100 in threatened adjoining build ings were removed without injury.
 Damage was estimated at between s100,000 and s2o0,o00.
 Director Harley Haynes of the hospital today said he believed a fire bug responsible. He pointed to another fire which broke out in the Jennings House, a hotel into which patients from the hospital had been temporarily removed, as evidence.
 Spreading rapidly the flames con stunned the convalescent. contag ous and psycopathic wards. Inmates fade in wheel chairs, with only their night clothing. most of them being taken into the new university hospital.
 4 fleet of autom obiiles, taxicabs and amublances were pressed into service. Company K of the Michi- gan National Guard was called out to help police hold back the crowd, which grew until it was estimated at one time that 25,O00 spectators were in the vicinity.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
BONES OF SLAIN
 PEOPLE UNCOVERED
"TeXas Wholesale Murderer'S"
 Story Is Verified

Whittier, Cal. Feb. 2 (UP) - Work of assembling pile of hu- man bones - remains of four per sons murdered ten years ago by George J. Hassel, the Texas wholesale murder err - started to- day in preparation for coroner's inquest
 Hassel is awaiting execution In Texas for killing his wife and eight children.
 The skeletons found in Whittier. those of Mrs. Marie Vogel, Pitts burgh, and her three adopted children. were uncovered yesterday beneath the dining room floor of the house in which Hassel told Texas authorities he had lived as George Baker"
 In a pit under the house, officers found the skeletons, piled one on the other, with the bones of Mrs. Vogel on the bottom. That Hassel either choked his victims to death or used a rope to drag their bodies under the floor of the house was indicated by fragments of rope found around the necks of three of the skeletons.
 Location of the pit, found by aid of a chart Hassel furnished au- thorities, revealed that he had to
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
MRS. YOUNG NOW
 TAKING CHARGE
Wants to Break Sons SWim-
 ming Contract

Los Angeles, Feb. LPl-An at tempt to break the contract which gives Henry O'Byrne, trainer and manager of George Young 40 per cent of the earnings of the IT year old Santa Catalina channel swimme CT will be made by Mrs. Jane Young of Toronto. Ont, the youths mother.
 This was the announcement made by William II. Sheldon, Hollywood attorney, following the arrival here yesterday of Mrs. Young. Sheldor said he would leava at once for San Francisco, where O'Byrne and Young have gone to meet theatrical engagements, with instructions from Mrs. Young to institute action to break the contract.
 Sheldon is the attorney for Bill Hastings, former pal of the chan nel hero, who took Mrs Young and her party in tow yesterday in their arrival in California.
 The plan to break O'Byrne's con- tract is n defiance of an ultimatum issued by William Wrigley, Jr., don- or of the S25,000 purse won by Young, that he would withdraw his cooperation and support in the his management"
 Wrigley's declaration was directed particularly at Johnnie Walker, of Toronto, Young's former trainer who accompanied Mrs. Young to California. Walker was blamed for Mrs. Young's refusal to comrly with her sons request that she meet him in San Francisco instead of coming 10 Los Angeles.
 A representative of Wrigley and Young men the swimmers mother yesterday at Barstow. Cal, and at tempted to re-route her from there to the Bay City. Hastings also boarded the train at Barstow and urged her to come here.
 On arrival here Mrs. Young avoid cd her sons business associates and went into conference with Hastings, his manager and attorney.
 \ want my boy to get all the iltlitIltS pOSSiDlt lTOIll Ills success v said Mrs. Young, but I want to see that he is handled by the right peo- pie.
 T want 10 see my boy and I can- not understand why these people should take him from Los Angeles on the eve of my arrival here. He must be in proper hands and turn his attention to an education. l just knew something was wrong with everybody trying to get his money. so I came out to take charge of things"
 Mrs. Young declared she had not received a cent from her son since he won the Santa Catalina channel swim.
 O'Byrne previously announced that he would not claim the 40 per cent of the s25.000 purse as provid- ed in his contract but would claim his percentage on the future earn ings. The s25,000 check has not yet been cashed.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
NEW SPRING HATS
 ON SHOW TONIGHT
Millinery Fashion Parade Opens
 in New York

New York, Feb. 2 (UP)-Milady's new spring hat will be displayed tonight for the first time at the spring fashion show of the Retail Millinery Association of America and the Millinery Research alliance in the ballroom of the Hotel Astor.
 Mannequins, uniformly garbed in brilliant copper colored metallic cloth and wearing gold wigs. shoes and stockings. will display the new creations. The models will wear the advance fashions in hats of every conceivable design, shape, material and ornamentation.
 The new spring millinery colors will be displayed for the first time. The six leading tints accepted by the association are: Blue turquoise, light sky blue; Castilian Red, a bright Spanish scarlet; Meadow Pink, a raspberry shade with faint purplish tint; pop corn. pale lem on yellow: gooseberry green, a me- dium apple green; monkey skin, a pink beige tone.
 The variety of spring hats dis played, according to leading milli- ners, will be the largest that has been shown in many years. The show will include every type of hat from the small urban to larger creations with wide brims, decorated with flowers, feathers and laces.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02

crawl Is feet to a point beneath the dining room to bury the bodies. The grave containing the skeletons was five feet deep.
 Neighbors recalled today that suspicion was directed to Baker" when Mrs. Vogel and her children disappeared. The neighbors. who knew Mrs. Vogel and the children as Bakers" family. said Baker" told conflicting stories concerning their continued absence.
 First, neighbors asserted. "Bak- CT" said "his wife" had gone to San Francisco in response to a telephone call from her sister. Later, they said. he expressed the opinion that "his wife" had eloped with another man.
 Authorities at that time searched the house, but failed to find any evidence of the suspected murders. Soon after they gave up the search. Hassel, who had been working at odd jobs in Whittier, disappeared.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
REPORT FEW MARRIAGES

Milan Feb. 2.-UP)-No wedding bells have rung for year in AS com munes of Italian Switzerland. In not single birth took place in IS of the 260 communes of the Ticino Canton. In more than 60 com- munes, the deaths exceeded the births, while in 2s communes. births and deaths just equaled each other
 The reluctance to marry and the dwindling birth rate among the 1tali- an stock of the Swiss population of fer a striking contrast with the con- ditions prevailing among their Latin brothers South of the Alps. In Italy, government laws against birth con- trol propaganda and taxes on bache- lors have been enforced to aid what would seem to be a campaign for more Italians.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02


 One of the features of the show will be the conclusion of con- test in which millinery schools throughout the United States have entered hats. A committee of soci- ety women and actresses will pick 50 of the creations for original de- sign, style. good taste and work manship. Six of them will be awarded special prizes and the ball. ance will be given certificates of honorable mention. The hat se- lccted for first prize will be pre- sented to Miss America Miss Norma Smallwood of Tulsa, Okla.
 It is possible that the millinery fashion show may also be given in other cities after tonight's display
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
Boston and Maine to
 Use Diesel Locomotive

Boston. Feb. 2 LP-The Boston and Main railroad is to have the first Diesel direct-drive locomotive in this country, it was announced today.
 The big engine will be built by the Fried krupp Works at Essen, Ger many. and with 25 others of Ameri- can and German manufacture will enter the freight service of the road within a few months
 The new engines will be the first bought by the Boston and Maine in four years. Exception the Diesel product, which will be on trial, the other new units will be heavy duty steam locomotives equipped with mechanical stockers and increased fire box capacity.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02
DANIEL. WEBSTER DESK

Hanover, x. H., Feb. 2.-UP)- Dartmouth college has regained pos session of the desk used by Daniel Webster while a student here.
 The desk came back to the college under the will Of the late Mary R. Cummings of Lisbon. It is a folding desk. two feet long, one foot wide and six inches deep, containing sev- eral secret drawers and repositories.
New Britain herald., 1927-02-02

Every piece of furniture in our stocks has been reduced for clearance at this sale. There are gems in the odd piece collection at prices that should take them right out to- morrow. The prices on the suites are the lowest ever known in this store.