davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

! some book-maybe from one of m.
books"
Here lies d. O. Stewart. dead a
the age of 32-the Crazy Fool"
| Il guess something else would be
! more modest" / said Have we
| got Bible?"
She found one under the telephone
book and han ded It to me. 1t had beer
placed in that room. according to the
notice pasted on the inside OF the
front cover. for the use Of guests
under various circumstances. For ex-
.nple (and there then followed a mum
Der of examples) II you were ''un
happy" YOU were to read Job: 1926
IF YOU were Gin danger" you wert
to turn to Deuteronomy: 20.
AZ don't think that would work
said my wife, doubtfully, because BY
the time you had turned to Deuteron
omy: 90, the burglar would hav'
socked you one
"And there doesn't seem to be an,
comforting verse here, either"
added, for If you are dead"
NV wife walked over to the window.
Its a lovely day" she remarked
.'Have YOU still got n fever?"
II think So" l replied. I'VE ought
to have a thermometer"
There's one outside the window"
she said.
That's for the weather" objected.
1T would be silly to put that in my
mouth and then have it say Cloudy
with showers.
You're thinking of barometer"
she retorted. wait a minute"
lay back and waited. After a
while there came from the direction
of the window a very sharp and very
profane expletive. ] sat up.
Whats the matter?" l asked.
I've broken your nail file she re-
piled.
My fever rose.
Il guess I'll have to use mine"
she added, regretfully.
I sank back again. and in a few
more minutes she had succeeded.
Now" she said, put this under
your tongue"
opened my eyes and looked up. |
Then / laughed.
Have you got a shoe horn?" I
asked
"It is a bit large" she agreed, ''but |
,an't you try?'
I opened my mouth and she tried.
Acknowledgements l said, after |
, minnie. !
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
Story of the Dollar.

THE word dollar" was in our Ian,
- guage at least 800 years ago, for
it Is used by Shakespeare several
times. 1t is supposed that the word
was in use In London in the latter
part of the sixteenth century, having
been brought in by the North German
merchants, who managed the trade on
the Baltic and in Russia.
Dollar" first appeared in an Eng.
lish dictionary in 1745. 1t is a bor-
rowed word. being the German 'tha-
ler." The coins. issued by the mint In
Joachimsthal, were called "Joachims-
thalers." When other minis were es-
tablished the ''Joachims" was drop
ped and the coins were called simply
"thalers."
The dollar was adopted by Congress
as the unit of our currency on August
5. 1885. 1t was to contain 375. GA
grains of pure silver, but when the
mint was established, in 1892, the re-
Quirement was reduced to SLIPS
grains of pure silver The coinage of
dollars began in 1894.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
Toad Has His Uses

A FTER the gardener has planted
\ the seed and the sweet peas have
sprouted he does not feel that every
thing is as it should be until the toads
arrive to take charge of the garden.
There is no one else the gardeners
would trust to it. no one else too ugly
to be jealous of the flowers. too stupid
to be selfish and too lazy to be discon-
tented. Neither is there any one else
wise enough to eat the harmful in
sects, patient enough to wait for
sprinkling time. generous enough to
like every plant.
1t is ridiculous that some folks pre-
fer the toads fiashy cousin. the frog.
Not long ago the question was dis
cussed scientifically. and we were
asked what gave us our sense of loath-
ing for the garden toad. while the
frog. which did nothing but play the
dandy and the braggart, was uniform.
ly treated as good fellow. If the
toad gulped and croaked all night and
made his home in shiny pools instead
of in the melon patch, would they re-
verse their order in our esteem?
This seems q foolish question, or at
least a question directed to foolish
people. The only thing frog is good
for is fishing bait, and there is moth
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
Volcano of Kilauea.

KILAUEA, on the Island of Hawaii,
IN as high as Vesuvius and twice as
wide. lies 80 miles from the sea In
mountain range wherein are three
dead volcanoes and one partially alive.
This last. Mauna Loa, sends, from
time to time, streams of lava down
its slopes. Some years ago three
streams burst forth from the sides
of this three -fourths of mile from
Hilo, the chief city of the island.
There have been several outbreaks of
kilauea in the last century. In lS40
there was a brilliant eruption of lava,
the light of which. 1t was reported,
could be seen hundred miles away.
Where the lava flowed through the
forest it left curious relics in the
shape of lava arches, bridges and
great vases. These vases were
formed by the lava piling itself about
some lofty tree trunk. burning away
the wood within and killing the upper
part of the tree. In the course of
time seeds We're deposited in the open
top, filed with decaying bark, until
now there is gigantic lava vase
holding ferns. and flowers and vines.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

This is Mr.. Stewart in 1892"
stated. ''and this morning when 7
woke up | didn't feel exactly right.
and / am not sure whether or not 1
have any fever, but my throat seems
to be little hOarse, and"
"Say-that's shame" was the
answer. II don't feel any too good
myself
''Is this the house physician" 1
asked.
No" was the reply. This is the
maid on the third floor"
well. is the doctor there" asked.
Wait a minute" was the request.
in a few minutes she returned.
Hell be back at noon," she said.
OH / exclaimed. We'll. ask him
10 come right up to room 1892"
II certainly WILL" she replied, and
hung up.
l announced the said news to my
wife
You poor dear" she said. and be-
gan putting on her hat.
Where are YOU goinG?' / asked.
I'm going to do something" she
veplied. I'm not going To let you lie
there and suffer"
You're going to Jones'" I accused.
Her only reply was an indignant
toss of her head. She raised the
window slightly in the bathroom.
pulled the covers up over me. and i'll
few minutes she was gone.
She returned within an hour-with
a thermometer. Il hot water bottle,
an ice bag, several feet of rubber tub
ing, and eight or nine smaller pack
ages.
II met the incest clerk in a drug
store" she explained. land we had a
long talk. and now / know exactly
what to do
1 began to get slowly out Of bed.
The doctor came while you were
gone" ! said. land he told me that
all | needed was to get out in the
air.
Her face fell
"Oh. dear" she said, won't you let
me try just one of these things?"
Next time" I replied, as l reached
for my bathrObe,
We had lunch at the Meadowbrook
Club, and then went to a matinee.
When we returned there was a note
under my door. 1t was to the effect
that DIR. Ritter had called at 12:45
and found me out.
Copyright. 1927
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
The Skirt Length.

THE ups and downs of skirts are
as much in the Paris mind as the
fluctuations of the franc. There are
even rumors of betting in the Rue de
la Paix and fits tributary streets OF
fashion on the length of Spring skirts.
Even money Is said to be placed on a
two.inch drop. Designers refuse to
comment. Not they. but the women
who wear the skirt, will eventually
decide the question, they say. The
burning question is, will skirts which
are now just below the knee. drop to /
a point just below the calf or are J
they going the other way.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

"O the Editor: Perhaps some of
my dear public read a news
item in the papers a little
| 4 while ago to the effect that a
seal had been shot in Long
| Island Sound right off Greenwich,
| Conn. The seal was said to have
| weighed Is pounds. The presump-
| ton by those of us who are familiar
with Greenwich is that the mammal
was sighted and slain about o'clock
in the morning by somebody who
had attended one of those sedate par
ties they throw up there seven or
eight nights week. and that he had
not refused anything that was Of
fered to him all evening.
However, we really did have a little
piscatorial excitement last week over
on our side of the sound, or rather in
Manhasset Bay, which is an inlet
from same. / must explain that Man
hasset Bay. at and near it's conjunc-
ton with the sound, is a wide. beau
tiful stretch of water dividing Great
Neck from Port Washington. But in
the part of Great Neck where | live
it is what you might call the slums of
a bay, and If 1t wasn't for a channel
in the middle of it, put there SO that
tugs towing coal barges can blow their
sousaphones all night and keep myself
and family awake, why. at low tide
you could almost walk from my front
yard to Manhasset or Plandome.
which the bay is supposed to separate
us from. provided you didn't mind get
ting mud in your ears.
Well, a week ago last night the fire
slreens all began to moan, sand when
the firemen had put turned-up ace
Lot tot al, fnh Ia To
whose next deal it was and had
reached the enginehouse, they were
told that the summons was not for n
fire, but on account of q report that
man-eating shark chad been seen
right outside our house by the cox
swain on one of the tugs.
What is fire department supposed
to do to a man-eating shark?" inquired
Jim Braden, cover point on the Wig.
liant team.
There seemed to be no answer, so
the firemen were permitted to so
back to their deuces wild.
But the report had spread all
through Great Neck, Manhasset and
Plandome and the combined Lions
Clubs of the three cities were called
to a special session to discuss what
steps should be taken. 1t was decided
to consult Mr.. Percy Hoag of Man
hasset. who, since he was a boy. has
spent all his spare time. of which
nobody seems to have more. depicting
the finny tribe in waters on and sur.
rounding Long Island, and from whom
no fish can keep a secret.
Gentlemen" said Mr.. Hoag, "it
seems to me your problem is easily
soluble. l presume you want the
shark to make his headquarters else
where. Well, If he Is a man-eating
shark, he will not harm a woman. SO
get your wives to line up on either
side of the bay next time he appears
and shout at him such things as
'Shoo.' Get QUIT! It's time for you to |
go home" etc. All the man-eating |
sharks / have known are most gra- |
cious to the fair sex, and / have no |
doubt that this one will be the same"
The men folks thanked Mr.. Hoag, |
went eagerly to their homes, and |
sought to enlist the aid of their wives. |
But here most of them got an unpleas-
ant surprise. for a big majority of the
wives said:
Are you sure it is just man eat :
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
THE OTHER DAY

~ N the third day of my wedding
journey in New York / go
~ sick aH.v. Won a0x fever,.
asked my wife.
I sat up in bed and looked at my
face in the hotel mirror.
II think so.'' | replied.
"Oh dear" she said its probably
smallpox"
''It can't be smallpox" / argued.
I'VE don't know anybody in New
York.
You might have got it from a
stranger" she said.
sank back in bed.
IF it's smallpox" remarked gloom
lily, well be quarantined for weeks.
You'd better get out now-before they
know about IT.
my place." she replied. with quiet
dignity. lis at my husbands bedside
until the end
/ groaned.
You'll marry somebody else"
insisted.
She giggled.
Not right away" she said
/ grOaned once more.
Dead / said. "at the age of 31"'
Thirty-two," she corrected.
II am not" l stated. I'm not 80
until November 80.
"On tombstones,' she argued, they
always put the age. at the nearest
birthday"
meditated on that.
Here lies ID. O. Stewart" ! said, |
softly; dead II hesitated What |
would come next?" asked. / thought |
that possibly she might want some |
sentiment like Dead at an all-too- |
early age or Dead but not forgot
ten."
Il wouldn't add a thing" she re-
piled. Its perfect"
"You can't just say Here lies d. o. |
Stewart, dead" I objected.
Eyes, you can" she argued, "and
St would be so true, too"
l decided to disregard her obvious
lack OF serious appreciation of the
theme in hand.
Here lies d. O. Stewart" began
again, =" "a gentle soul. n loyal friend
and devoted husband
You can't bury four people In one
grave" she objected.
l closed my eyes and lay very still
Then" 1 continued, after a mo.
ment, there ought to be some sort
Of quotation I
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

say huff hend--a wife wot she dun't
drifting from de beck slit de buttomi-
bill. Is no? WASH"
Robert Boins, Esq:
81 rilly dun't know if it should be
forgot hold acquaintance. Soppose
wot / hesk you viii you gonna huff
me by December like you do by May?'
Ha? Is diss a SYSTEM?
"Wit kindest rigodds,
WASHINGTON"
So on accent wot he made in de
school de lassons so smott so 1t grew
upp Judge Washington wot he became
gradually de Fodder from de Contry,
(Mm--sotch a dollink baby-at opp
all ed Horange mommalate.o
DOWNRIGHT. 1927 /
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

night l said. 1--WE often sleep under
blankets all through August
She examined the instrument once
more.
II wonder what's normal?" she
asked.
IT'S hard to tell these days" I
replied, what with women dressed
like men and smoking CIGARS
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

WHAT" she asked
ghgaghhgumaelsc," ! repeated,
and motioned for her to take 1t out
of my mouth.
She bent over and did so.
Summer heat" she reported, ex-
aiming the scale.
ut ought to get cooler towards
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
Gas, And, Well

CIR WALTER SCOTT, author of the
~ voluminous Waverly novels was
at the same time president of the
Edinburgh Gas Light Co, according
to the magazine Gas Logic APP
parently, adverse critics in Sir Wal
ters lifetime didn't have our slang
phrases. or we should have heard of
his sideline industry long before.
Don't you think?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

ing very glorious in that. Those of
us who have gardens have never
thought of putting the toad. our chief
of police. in that class with the va
grant frog. If n toad does not find
our garden we so out and find q toad.
At least one man Is known to have
stolen his neighbours toad, and a mum.
Der of toads have been brought I'm
from the woods and placed In a resi-
dence under q cabbage leaf.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

remember chow could they for
IL get?) that in q recent issue
l. Y wrote an account of certain
leading authorities on various
things as they appeared in their home
surroundings. A picture was pre-
scented of Mr.. Hoyle playing a game
of bridge, and Of the illustrious Mrs.
Beaton cooking dinner for her hus-
band.
The eager desire on the part of the
readers mo less than two letters COM
ing to me in the same week. leads me
to present the further picture of great
authorities which appears below.
l need hardly say that the Master
Mind in question is the famous author
of the memory" system, whose little
square chart" is familiar to the world
This Master Mind system is so Won
derful that after a short course, in
volving nothing more than a little
pleasant intellectual exercise, the mind
becomes invigorated to the point of
rigidity. But it is only necessary to
refer my readers to the renown Of the
little square chart"
A MASTER MIND OF MEMORY
The Little Home Scene That Ensues When
He Loses His Little Square Chart.
The scene is laid In the living room
OF the home OF the family. The Mas
ter Mind. wearing an overcoat and a
hat, and evidently just ready to go out.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
& shark; that he won't harm women

ing shark; that he won't harm women
and children"
And when told that this was the
general understanding they seemed to
lose all interest. However, an even
dozen were found who still wanted to
keep their husbands, or maybe the
latter were carrying no fish insurance.
and these answered the call about s
o'clock next morning. half Of them on
the Manhasset-P landome side Of the
bay and the other half in front of my
house. I was in a sort of doZe when
l heard their familiar voices:
"Shoo! Get out. It's time for you to
po homer
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

Il mean," she interrupted, how
am l going to tell whether or not
Summer heat means that you have
any fever?'
gested.
She leaned over and picked up my
wrist
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

tree in United Bag parron, 1 mimi in
Mutt American
So de salesman sad: "Hm-geeve a
look de Meester Washington,"'
CNize baby take annodder spoon Hor-
ange mommalatet
Pot Two.
So de naXt monnink was stending
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

The very voices that had addressed
the same remarks to me at the same
time of day when 1 had been an in
vited guest at nighborhood parties.
At first l thought it was a dream,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
Charge 1t.

Waiter-Yes. sir. we are up to date
Everything here is cooked by cleo.
tricity.
Diner-I wonder If you would mind
giving this steak another shock?
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

Mr.-What's -his-name?I don't
recall it for the moment, but | can
easily get it by setting up a perfectly
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

~ EADERS of this journal will
remember chow could they for
TX get?) that in q recent issue I
l. wrote an account of certain
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

simple chain of associations with the
name itself. That kind of thing is
really the essence of my system, and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20

Damn the torpedoes,'" she sug
geSted. ''Or Eat more bran"
mo" l said. "It ought to be from
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-02-20
BY RING LARNER.

"O the Editor: Perhaps some of |
my dear public read a news |
item in the papers q little |
1 while ago to the effect that a |
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1927-08-12
Herb Joesting Here

Herb Joesting, the noted athlete
of the Minnesota University and one
of the selections for the All-Ameri-
can football team was in the city
last evening and up to noon today
at the tourist camp. He is in charge
of a group of boys from the Lincoln
Boys Camp near Brainerd and
with his charges was returning from
a canoe trip to international waters.
! he boys with Mr.. Joesting and sew
eral others at the camp enjoyed
marshmallow roast and song-fest
last evening. The boys report a
line trip, excellent fishing and
brotherly supervision. They are
travelling in a truck and left here
for Duluth where they will pitch
camp tonight. Those who were the
guests at the marshmallow roast
were Mr.. and Mrs. Meeker of Min
neapolis, Mr.. and Mrs. Strobel of
st. Cloud, Mr.. and Mrs. P. Schaefer
and daughter, Lillian, Thos. Law
renee and Gladys Friedsburg.N The
fifty or more other parties at the
camp grounds also enjoyed the
singing.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1927-08-12
CHURCH NOTES
FIRST Ev. LUTHERAN CHURCH

English services, 10 a. m.
Summer School Commencement
program, Sunday at 6 p. m.
Ladies, Aid meets next Thursday
at Mietunen's at p. m.
On August % several church
choirs, about 20 singers from Michi-
gan and Minnesota together with the
local choir will render a sacred con-
cert. Rev. Wiskari of Ironwood will
direct. A number of visiting pas
tors will speak on Saturday, the
9th and Sunday morning.
Let's not forget!
REV. G.. A. AHO.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1927-08-12
HEART TROUBLES FATAL
TO WELL KNOWN MATRON

Mrs Peter Maurin, who has been
a resident of this city for many
years, died Tuesday of heart trouble
after an illness of some time. She
was 81 years of age and is survived
by her husband and four children,
two boys and two girls. One son
and one daughter are residents of
Cleveland, Ohio, and two are at
home here. The funeral takes place
from the Catholic church today, Rev.
Father Mihelcic officiating. The
surviving members of the family
have the sympathy of large num-
Der of friends in their bereavement.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1927-08-12

Poets may talk about the
perfection of June, but give
us August, when the garden
just bulges with good things
and the old orchard is a heap
ed-up promise of table joys.
That's our idea of perfection
a lot better.
Next time you read ads
about asphalt roofing, notice
how many of the advertisers
claim to use ALL RAG FELT.
Naturally it costs a little more
to use ALL RAG as against
part rags. That's why we
specialize in MULE-HIDE
roofing. We want to give our
customers the best our money
can buy. MULE-HIDE roofing
is made from ALL RAG FELT
and we know it's the best value
on the market today.
In Turkey they say woman
never sees her husband be-
fore the marriage. In Am
erica she doesn't see him much
afterwards.
The Ely miner. [volume] (Ely, Minn.) 1895-1986, 1927-08-12
|PEGLEGGERS IN
H|Bb|NG PARADE
LOG CABIN MAKES FINE AP-
PEARANCE ON HIB BIN C
STREETS-RECEIVES HONOR
ABLE MENTION.

The handsome log cabin con-
structed for the Hibbing convention
and as home for the "Pegleggers,"
"s.s taken to HIbbing Monday after
noon and attracted much attention
on the way. Stops were made at
Tower, Virginia, Mountain Iron,
Bull and Chisholm and at all places
the cabin elected much admiration
and comment.
The parade at Hibbing on Tues
day evening was one of the hand
soonest and largest ever seen by the
Legion boys at any of the conven-
tions. Ely Jailed to land in the
prize money although receiving
honorable mention. The Unknown
Soldier float of a Minneapolis post
took the deserved first prize. The
many elaborate floats and the large
number of bands, drum corps and
marching post members, all CARRIED
in colorful uniforms, made a strik-
ing appearance which will long be
remembered.
The meetings of the Legion and
Auxiliary were well attended and
an immense amount of business was
transacted. The election of officers
for the Legion resulted in the fol-
lowing being chosen: Corporal L. E.
Zumwinkle of Fergus Falls was
named state commander; DR.. A. F.
Branton of Willmar, first vice COM
mander; DIR. D. w. Smith of Pipe
stone, second vice commander; HUI
bert Dear of Hibbing, third vice
commander; Rev. Father Normoyle
of Cannon Falls, chaplain; R. r.
Rand, retiring commander, was
named a member of the national
executive committee for Minnesota.
Austin was chosen as the next con-
vention city.
A large number from this city
attended the convention. The Lee
gion was represented by Arthur o.
Knutson at the meetings. The
Auxiliary delegates were Mrs. Ida
Erickson and Mrs. Lydia Seraphine.
hl report an excellent meeting.
Among the resolutions adopted of
immense benefit to this section of
the country was joint Legion and
Auxiliary resolution against the
Backus water steal in the northern
section of the Arrowhead country,
and among other things said:
HSuch proposed raising of the
water levels in these lakes and their
tributaries would destroy for pur-
poses of recreation an area of great
natural beauty which is an import
ant part of this nations playground
and would destroy the usefulness
of the lakes for the propagation of
fish and impair all the area in the
watershed containing these lakes
for the purposes of propagation of
fur-bearing animals"