The producers news., 1927-07-22
STAHLBERCER
SANDWICHES
By John A. Stahlberg, Outlook

words and deeds look right or wrong, |
sensible or silly, to others. 1t is the
effect upon his self-respect that
counts. If, reflecting upon thing
he has done, he feels cheap or alb
surd, then the doing of it has been a
total loss, tho others laud it to the
skies; if, on the other hand, he feels
that he has done well and rightly, the
criticism of meddlers can only amuse
him.
o
Agriculture is a necessary and dig
nified industry, but when a farmer
becomes so enamored of his idea of
agriculture that he imagines the
business of getting acquainted with
his cows to be the highest destiny to
which any reasonable man may hope
to attain, that is neither necessary
nor dignified.
o
Dishwasher sentimentality may be
a natural thing in a flapper, but
when an alderly woman talks, in the
silly fashion of a seventeen-year-oId,
of "soulmates" and "men without
souls" and "men who don't under
stand'' her infinitely complicated ro-
mantle yearnings, you may be sure
that she is failure.
Someone-AnAtole France, I believe
has said something to the effect
that all education weakens certain
ties. Nothing could be truer. A wise
man knows that it is impossible to
be sure of anything; ignorance, on
the other hand, is always certain that
any stand it chooses to take is bound
to be right. And because of this there
is no sort of use in arguing with an
ignorant person.
o o
Some say and some deny that it is
the truth that hurts. Let me tell you
little story.
My prospective sister-in-law con-
siders herself good-looking. The de-
lusion would not be so funny if she
had sense enough to be little old
fashioned-tha is, to wear sufficient
clothing to hide some of her more
glaring imperfections. In the matter
of fashion, however, she is radical
rather than conservative. The result
is ludicrous-I almost said, shocking
have said that she considers her
self good-looking. l may add that
she considers her fiance almost as
comely as herself-which he is, be-
yOnd doubt. One day she asserted
that he is the handsomest man in the
community Her sister denied this.
lntimating that her husband is the
handsomest man. Now, have never
been considered beautiful, but there
was no one present to speak a word
IN defense Of my unique ugliness
but | knew that a little fun would
do no harm.
Women are women" l said. "If
my girl were here she would Quickly
reveal the identity of the handsomest
man."
The Woman Who Was Lucky
Enough to Capture NV Rroth-
er looked at me scornfully. "Poob*''
was was all she said-it is the only en-
phatle words she knows.
Well, | naturally felt that she
needn't have been so burned tactless
about 1t, so I smiled sweetly upon
You're right" l said. "Mvself 7
would get short shrift from ; GOOD
judge OF beauty, but if my best girI
were here | would at least be identi-
Iled with the prettiest woman on the
For this crack she has not forgiv-
en- me yet, proving conclusively that
truth does tote sting.
0 o
1t is strange truth that the really
important people are nearly all mod
est' while the veriest insects are for
ever congratulating themselves upon
their indispensability. Let me tell
you another little story.
Once upon time, not too long ago
ana not too recently, my future LEGAL
relative and | quarrt which was
nothing unusual. For some davs
thereafter there L:toce0 over the
premises a Great \ ami Triunonbsnt
Feace with Folded Wings-which was
very unusual. noticed the differ
ence IN the atmosphere of the place
IelV the strange contentment-but
was Zoo happy to stop to analyze it.
AT length l discovered its cause. with
the result that I nearly solved the
question which once troubled Hamlet
We had another spat. While spat-
tlng, the lady remarked:
can va don't hafta be sore lust
because l amt spoke to va for a few
days, because the only wav To not
argue with va is to not speak to va"
There it Nashville I had been
SO happy in her silence that 1 had not
even troubled to determine the cause
OF my contents, she had been studi-
ously depriving me of the comforts
and benefits of ner conversation-hao
even imagined that ] would be pioued
at the temporary cessation of her
yamnierlng! The idea made me snick-
er; as the full beauty of it dawned
upon me, | embraced a fencepost and
shook with the ague; l shook until
! could shake no more, then, rolling
IN the grass, I held my sides and
shouted. But for my robust consti-
tuition | should have died of mirth.
If Marconi succeeds in establish
ing communication with Mars. II Duce