davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

razor blade and It's fastenings falling
to the fioor.) Oh! drat the thing!
MRS. HACKIT: Wait a minute; AL
fred. hand 1t to me over the top Of the
screen, and I'll go and get the paper
Of DIRECTIONS.
MR.. HACKIT'S VOICE: No. no, 1
won't try any more.
CThere In final splashing and
gurgling OF water, and then Mr..
Hackit energies from behind the
screen. His face Is covered with a
luxuriant growth of beard and
whiskers like those Of a. California
Forty-niner. He says as he comes
out)
After all. why should l bother to
start now? never shaved In my
life. l was Just curious to sec how
the thing works.
PREDICTING WITH A GREAT
PREDIcToR.
Mr.. Talkleton, the great predictor
of business conditions, is seen In his
inner ONCE. Mr.. Talkleton is known
far and wide as the statistician who
calculated the Japanese Chow crop OF
1926 to within a bushel and who pre-
dicted the crisis of 1920 less than six
months after it happened He is seated
at his desk. A litter of papers GOV.
cred with figures lies all about him.
The great man Is absolutely absorbed
in his work. His massive brain Is
motionless. poised over it's task
Near him at another desk ID his
stenographer with a telephone.
The telephone rings
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

w YE stood at the rail of our
n ship watching the crowd
wv on the dock Last-minute
arrivals were hurrying up
the gangplank. There was
some waving OF handkerchiefs. We
telt quite alone.
I'm glad no one came to see us
good-by"
The ships whistle blew Tugs an
swered. Gangplanks began to shift
The ship began to move.
Look, dear" said my wife. Il
think that woman In waving at U.s."
looked. A tall lady in a red hat
was signaling frantically from the
rear of the crowd.
Il don't believe it's anybody |
know" I said.
She began walking swiftly along the
pier. her eyes fixed on our section Of
the boat and her handkerchief flag.
ging desperately.
You had better answer her" sug.
gested my wife. 1T may be a rela.
tive"
/ reached for my pocket.
II don't think ! have clean hand
kerchief." / said
IF it's relative" she replied, ''it
Relatives, | countered, deserve
the same consideration as other hu.
man beings"
She snorted.
You and your socialistie ideas"
she said, ARE going to get us into
trouble one of these days"
hesitated. Then ] turned to nice
looking gentleman in a straw hat on
my right who had his back to the rail.
Have you clean handkerchief"
asked.
He put down his cigarette and be-
gan searching through his pockets,
with, however, a little hesitation.
Its for waving" ! assured him.
He seemed relieved
will this do?' he asked
Perfectly" | replied. Thank you
very much"
Not at ALL he said with slight
bow.
looked for my friend on the dock.
She was.still walking and still waving.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06
By Donald Ogden Stewart

all over and that was about the only
thing there was to do. And anyway"
he continued, I'D always wanted to
see Paris"
He stopped.
Its a wonderful city" / said.
Yes" he replied, Il suppose it is
He seemed to be getting quite dis
| couraged.
Come on" I suggested. Tets take
a look at the Statue of Liberty"
He shuddered.
oh" said quickly, I'm sorry"
We left him gazing out toward the
shores of Coney Island. On our second
turn around the deck he had disap
peared.
Its a shame" said my wife. "I feel
very sorry for him"
Yes" / replied. but it's probably
p, all for the best. Marriage, you
know"
She gave me a curious look.
Marriage" I continued. is very
complex institution. and depends upon
the careful adjustment of number OF
factors. Now: In a great many cases,
an unsuccessful marriage Is the re-
suit of several things. An unsuccess.
full marriage may be due to q malad
justn1ent OF the fundamental charac.
teristics of the two parties involved.
Or 1t may be that certain disagree.
ments become magnified by the process
of intimacy between two people who
had hitherto known each other only
as very good friends. The secret OF
a successful marriage"
looked around. My wife had evf.
IDENTIFY disappeared.
/ found her in our cabin.
II thought" she explained. that ]
would come down and begin TO I'm.
pack"
In the dining saloon. an hour later.
we found ourselves seated temporarily
alone at a large table.
II don't see our friend anywhere. 4"
remarked my wife.
Maybe he's going to take all his
meals in his cabin" suggested.
Poor fellow" she said.
TITS better for him to suffer now"
replied, than to spend q lifetime
tied to some woman with whom he is
| not really happy"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

| unfolded the handkerchief and re
turned the signal She stopped and
put her hands to her mouth. Her
voice came to me quite clearly and
very shrill.
Where are the tickets for the
matinee2" she shrieked.
l turned to my wife questioningly
She shook her head.
Il don't know called back.
The woman seemed disappointed by
my answer.
Honestly, don't" | yelled,
Oh, dear me- said the gentleman
in the straw hat next to us. l turn
ed. He was taking a small envelope
out Of his vest pocket From the en-
velope he extracted two blue tickets.
It's my wife" he explained. "Wil
you tell her ] forgot about the tick
ets?'
But this time the ship had reached
the end of the dock and for a momen,
] lost the lady in the crowd of waving
flags and hats massed on the pier
head. Finally ! located her.
He forgot about them" yelled.
She did not seem to understand. |
took the two tickets and held them
UP.
ot-about-them," re.
peated
AT last she understood A slight
shrug. and then she stood there wav.
ing good.by returned her hus-
bands handkerchief and he signaled
his apologize farewell. The face
gradually faded from view as we
reached the center of the Hudson and
headed toward the harbor. We could
still see objects waving. and then
those. too, became blurred. The gen
tleman turned and handed me back
the handkerchief.
IT'S yours" I reminded him.
oh he said so 1t is and he
tucked it in an upper pocket. He
started to toss the two tickets which
he was regretfully holding in his
hand over the side of the ship and
then hesitated and put them back In
his pocket.
They are in the third row." he ex-
planned.
The ship moved on.
We stood and gazed at the New York
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

AT that moment the engines Of the
boat began to slow down and In a
few minutes they had apparently
ceased their functioning altogether.
They're dropping the pilot" ex-
planned the steward.
oh, let's go up and see IT," cried
my wife.
The pilot was already In his boat by
the time We arrived. So was another
man. The small craft was pitching
quite . bit in the waves, but on &C.
count Of his straw hat We had no
trouble In recognizing him. I looked
at my watch.
He'll tust be in time for that mat
inee." said.
Il hope So" replied my wife.
(CopyriKht. 1917
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

ha? You'll pardon plizze mine inouisi
ton wot I hesking you, deed came
here you should taking by me dc
peecture. odder you should repairing
| me de toot-ha?
| Dentist-Hmmm--w well--nov
open-please. that's it-just a little
wider now, thanks-wider-a little
wider please-just-
Mr.. Feitlebaum-Hm-o me
bot Is boddering me gradually toot-
acne not \ happandixache-I VERY
soury to inforum, you wat I human
bing-not q Heepopontamus!! Howtch.!
Dentist-Did that hurt??
Mr.. Fedtlebaum-NO, of cusS not
was 1ost q rumor de scritching-!!
Dentist--Now then does this hurt??
Mr.. Feitlebaum--Howtc
Dentist-DoeS this hurt??
Mr.. Feitiebaum--So wait-So I'll
stend In de front from a nutterly
poblio vat wot I'll take for you gradu-
ally hoat witt a heffidavid wot 1t
hoitz me de fullish knocking-hm-
mmmmm.
I1ooy tenterins,--well. well-Don't
mind him, Doc, he amt angry-Hes
1ost terribly hoit!! Ha ha ha-'At's a
hot numher!!
Dentist--~Oh. that's quite all right
the room is sound. proof.
L.ooy--Well, muffin like a little good
humor to cheer va up. Pop Look I
brought Snoot an Spike wit de uke
and sax to cheer tings up a bit when
dey lift de grinder out
Mr. Feitlebaum--Aha. Somebody
sant for you dope you should spoil
ing here mine plasure by de dantist,
ha?
Looy-I know-teet's a noosance-
Well, I'm working on q invention dat
does away wild .teet--It's a coritrap.
ton like meat-chopper. see Pop? va
tie It on Yer faze an va pack it witt
grub-Den va hire a coolie to toin de
handle-grea gag-Youze dentists
better watch out
Mr.. Feitlebaum-Youli gerradahere,
dope. odder
Dentist--Now then--open please
that's it-now lets get this gauze in---
there. that's hne-now this wad of
scotton--now hold it--don't shut your
nouth--now then this tube Open
pleaaev-that's it--now-
Mr.. Feitlebaur1--G Ca bla-slph
Dentists eady--now don't shut
well the ct this clamp In tool.
rightly tder please wad er--that's IT.
NOW tIese pipes please an---ilow
Just hold It--Nxcuse mn d uOm0nt-
Ieidor@ tsntsring1 - bas-odd what
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

ers to seek him In Winter a. wen a.
in the Spring. q quest involving no
small difficulty. seeing that, In Winter
the frog-catcher must cut through
the ice, In some case feet thick,
In order TO get at the nests. This diff
ficulty is. however. more than Offset
by the increased price Of frogs legs In
Winter. During the course Of one
year the total catch In the State Of
Minnesota was more than three quar-
tiers Of million dozen, which involved
the slaughter Of no fewer than $780,
600 frogs.
Formerly the American people cared
nothing for this luxury. and much fun
used to be poked at the "frog-eating
Frenchmen, but Of late years the de-
mand has steadily increased among
Americans. 30 that now the titbit II
welcomed in many parts of the United
States.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

Occasional did Jupiter assube the form
OF swad??
Mr.. observation-disclosures
gil!...I!
Looy-Well, welL-de kids got q
quizz Rockwell, well--Now let's see
how smart va are, Pop
How many potatoes are dere?7?
Mr.. observation-disclosures
beaqXxxsppszZm!!'!
Istdore-Hold old Is the oldest baby,
Baba??
Looy-Ha ha-give us de next line
after =" Twas a balmy Summers eve
ming
Mr.. Pigmfiflurszedfrm.
mCHCHKK!M
Looy-Wot amt in hamboiger?77
Who was de foist witch?? Did she
fall or wuz she pushed?? and VIII she
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

love him when he's bald7 Wot has
become Of Hinky Dinky Farley voo?-
Have you hold Of Kitty Ketchum
Why M. c. A.???-Ha ha ha,-
Mira Feitlebaun--Oxcuse ma, do|
tors here mine hosband-Y VI VI
Wotg dees-
Bang crash--blah wham.
Mrs. Feitlebaum-Queez books
nidd yat!.l Cruss determinations, full
ish ones you geeving me, ha???
BAN Blooie!u
III geeve heem dot dope--Ill-
Looy-At's all he can't sock me witt
no X-ray machine-I'm troo-ii
Observation-Disclosures do we eat??
Smack-Ill geeve you quastionsm.
Mrs. OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES In
de had!!...
(Copyright. 1877
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

Italian danes that had made up for
the part by chalking out their hori-
zonal eyebrows and painting on some
that was perpendicular. And Lieu.
tenant Pinkerton had been in the
Navy so long that he. must have felt
ashamed of himself for not wearing
a rear admiral's cap and bells.
Now here is little scheme have
sheen working on and l gladly pass
it along for what ii In worth to all
music fans that prefers their opera
by air. We will say for example that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

Living cells which have passed the
10o-year mark and may b approach
Ing 200 years have been found in
stems OF giant cactus plants in Ari.
zona.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06
Diet and the Ears.

Doctors at the University Of Cali
fornia are studying otcsciercsis, +
little understood disease Of the ear
causing deafness, to see whether dist
Affects thu ear boues. 60
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06
Paper Cut-Outs Of Theatrical Stars
Would Animate Radio Opera Programs

may have to add to II. why address
them to your neighborhood druggist
or direct to THE Mango" Great Neck,
Long Island.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

bedroom In the Hackit residence. In
one corner Ia a screen behind which
can be heard at intervals the sound OF
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06
Gross Exaggerations From Heestory
Muffin Like Some Little Good Humor
BY MILF GROSS.

In EcOND FLooR-Meesus Feitle
baumM Meesus Feitlebaum!
Whooz jomping by you in de
~ houze witt Puggosteeck?! VI
Yi!-Is by os alrady de whole
cilling in de zoop.! Wot is?
Third Floor tMrs. Feitlebauml-Hm
-wot amt! Is by mine Mowrfss a
tootache In de faze!!
Second F'loor--Yi vi Yi!t-A toot.
ache In de faze!M
! Third Floor uooy)-Shure-Ha ha-
where didja ting he had q tootachs:-
In his--huh? Wot? Who's startin'
in--Ha ha.
| Mr.. Feitlebaum-Whooy!! Hoo-ha!!
So do we gung alrady by de danttst.
/ Meesus??
| Looy--Lissen pop~-Lay offa dem
tists. Dentists ISIS all q fake! Take
my tip an see a good chiropractic.
Now, MacBlaufuss-
| Mr.. Feitlebaum-I1l geeve heen.
dot dope, in a.
| Looy-Lissen, I'm tellin' ya!i Lem.
me bring Mac up-He knows more
den all dem fake dentists put to-ged.
| der. It's natcherel wild HMM de
family his granfodder usta bite dogs
| tails Off
| Mrs. Feitlebaum-Yi vi vii Looy!A
I--Looy-Oxcuse me. Messus Yifnif, we
got to go-I'm afraid maybe wot 1t
shouldn't dewalop vat pyrohhea!
| Second Floor-Mmni-you tukking
| yat.-We had 1t lest yirr whole
Sommer witt de baby pyrohhea--so--
dun't ext!
| SCENE TWO.
Dentists office)
Dentist-Now then-step this way
| oloa xa-Re sAated--nO higher up
plea se--Now then--rest your head
against this please,--no here--if you
| please--just little higher--thank
you--like that--All righty-n0w look
up-
Mr.. Feitlebaum-Hm!-W helse,
plizze??? / should smile maybe yat--I
/ should look should see de boidie-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

We're en- our honeymoon, | said,
alphabetically. II hope you don't
mind"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

- ECOND FLOOR-Meesus Feitle,
baum,. Meesus Feitlebaum! !!
Whooz jomping by you in de
- houze witt Puggostceck?! VI
YiE-Is by Os alrady de whole
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1927-03-06

TNO THE EDITOR: 1t may seem
kind Of late to bring this sub
ject up, but any way the day
before the Chicago Opera com,
The Washington times., 1927-08-15
. County Militia" out
In Ohio Mine Strike

ST. cLAIRSVILLE. Ohio. Aug. IS.
What Is claimed to be the first
county militia IN Ohio Is on duty
In Belmont county today.
This Organization, comprising SO
ex.servtce men. was effected over
the weekend by Col. l.. s. Connolly.
Columbus Ohio National Guard AZ
an official observer f6f Gov. vic
Donahey. Connolly Is keeping ii
The Washington times., 1927-08-15
Virginia Girl Is Dead
From Injuries BY Auto

Edith Rudicille. Is. Of Brown
town. Va. who was struck last
night by a motorcycle while at.
tempting 70 cross Lee Highway
after alighting from her fathers
car. died this morning at 3 a. m.
Of q fractured skull ia Georgetown
University hospital. without r..
gaining consciousness.
The driver Of the machine, Jos.
eph Tayior Of Merryfi4ld. Va, was
arrested at the time OF the acci.
dent and released on $4,000 bond
He was arraigned before Justice of
the Peace ]. 4. Moiins Of Falls
The Washington times., 1927-08-15
/ Costello Legion Post
May Change Bylaws

Changes in the bylaws OF the on.
ganization win be considered at a
meeting OF the Vincent B. Costello
Post. OF the American Legion to.
night at o'clock IN the Woodnnens
Hall, "a Grant Pi. n. w.
Several officers also will make
reports. The meeting will be pre-.
sided over BY Thomas Mason jr..
commander.
The Washington times., 1927-08-15
CIVITAN GLUE MUSICAL

The entertainment committee Of
the civitan Club win hold q musical
program at the luncheon tomorrow
at 1890 at the Lafayette Hotel
The arrangement OF such i pro
gram presents a rather 0ifficuli
problem at this time OF the year
but they expect to put it over.
The Washington times., 1927-08-15
close touch With the sal strike con.
ditIons

q "Nho's who, firms listed On
nrAs 20 the last page are az the ether
end Of y0uE phone. Call them when
yOu need service.
The Washington times., 1927-08-15

solution To Friday Puzzle
The Washington times., 1927-08-15
Don'tMove
Your OLD
Plan

IA NEW PIANO
from The Homer L.
Kit Co. win give to
your home that final
touch of beauty and
pride of ownership
you have longed for.
The enjoyment Of
your home will be
complete. We will
accept your old
piano as partial pay
ment toward a new
instrument.
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08

The statisticians inform us
that there is now in the United
States one automobile for every
five inhabitants Each driver now
has the alternative of either kill
ing four persons, or asking them
to ride with him.-Reporter.
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08
LOCATIONS LIKE
ALBANY BOULEVARD
MAKE BUSINESS
Continued from page 81

Continued from page -
ward in June, 1928, almost four
years ago. The values OF the front
footage has quardupled In that
time. ! should say that if a man
can get frontage on the Boulevard
today at $500 per foot, it would be
q good sensible purchase
The central trend of business in
Atlantic City is toward the point
where Albany Boulevard enters. 1t
is the geographical center Of the
Absecon Island and the coming
business center
I am SO convinced that the
Albany Boulevard is the logical
site of the automobile business of
the Atlantic City Metropolitan
area that l have built additions to
my own building and will greatly
enlarge Eht plant. The building
which | am doing at this time will,
combined with my earlier con-
struction, give me $4,000 square
feet of space for automobile busi-
ness.
1t is well to bear in mind tha,
the automobile business Is the
second largest business industry in
this country today, and that the
people who are engaged in 1t are
live enough to eventually make
it the first and largest industry.
This does not mean that the
others are going to die or shrink,
but it does mean that the auto
mobile business is growing every
day.
Locations like the Albany
Boulevard make business. Located
on the Albany Boulevard you are
out where the people can see you.
More and more people see you
The more that people see your
place of business the more people
call to transact business. Locate
a business on a live main artery
and you have to keep moving to
take care of the business that
comes your way.
am sold" to Albany Boulevard.
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08
J. w. MTSENER SAYS
CITY WILL DOUBLE
IN TWENTY YEARS

Concluded from Third Page)
magnificent waterfront. At the pre-
sent writing, in submission TO pub
lie opinion the Milwaukee railroad
has spent millions in depressing
their tracks and electrifying their
trains which operate through this
district, but Notwithstanding this,
bridges are erected on every cross
street to the waterfront, and while
the whole has been made to make
as presentable appearance as pos
sible, Chicago has never ceased to
regret the short-sightedness of the
administration that gave away the
most beautiful part Of their city.
My prediction is that in Is to 20
years, when Atlantic City is twice
the size it is today, if these rail
road terminals are occupying their
present locations, or nearly so, we
will have cause for many regrets.
Another "bugaboo" raised in ar
gumenL x the contention that a
commuter will be discommoded BY
having to two or three blocks fur
ther to his train. l know person
ally that the large percentage of
commuters are taken to and from
the depot in their own private auto
mobiles, meaning not over half a
minute further travel for them I'm
questionably when these depots are
finished there will be quick and
constant transportation to and from
that to any part of the city, either
by bus or street railway
l cannot understand the attitude
Of people in considering the Thor
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08
INCOME TAX QUESTIONS
Answered by
NICHOLAS J. WATERS.

CUES. If you have home or
apartment house, and are making
repairs and adding some require
ments, can these costs be deducted
on making your Income Tax
Return?
ANS. If this is your personal
residence, neither the cost OF re-
pairs nor additions can be deducted
from your Income for Tax purposes.
IT, however you are renting the
home, the cost of the repairs may
be deducted from the rents re-
cciyed, provided these repairs are
of such neture that they do not
tend to increase the value, nor
lcngthen the life OF the property.
Additions should, in either case be
added to the cost of the property.
CUES. l am single, but own my
own home. and support my father
and mother, who are over 70 years
old, and not able to support Them
selves. VIII you let me know what
exemption / may take on MY In
come Tax Return
ANS. $4,000 provided your
parents live in your home. As
siugle man you must file a return
if your income is $500. or more,
but by supporting your parents IN
your home you receive the cIassifi
cation of Head of family" and
as such your personal exemption
is $500, to which may be added
$400 apiece for the two dependents
CUES. During 1926 my auto
mobile was stolen while was AT
tending a theatre, and has never
been recovered. Can l receive any
credit for this loss on my Tax
Return?
ANS. Yes. You may deduct the
cost of the machine unless you
were compensated for the loss by
ineurance or otherwise.
CUES My cn.ir3 Income con
sists of my salary as n teacher in
the Public Schools, Must I pay In
come Tax?
ANS. No, Compensation paid
by 4 sta. or any political sub
division OF a state is not taxable
income, provided the services are
rendered in connection with the
Essential governmental functions"
OF the state or subdivision. These
include Teachers, Policemen and
Firemen, as well as those holding
elective offices.
CUES. I am married bc; sepor
atcd from my husband, Must I file
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08

an Income Tax Return if I received
as wages $3.50. during 1926?
ANS. Yes. Uniess married
persons are living together during
the whole Of the taxable year, they
are classed as single persons for
Income Tax purposes, and each re
cciye an exemption of $500
ANXIOUS, NJ. E. r. and
FARMER:-An answer to your
qucstiocs would require more space
than is available = this column If
yot viii write again, repeating
your questions, ana enclosing
seH-addressed. stamped envelope, I
VIII answer your queries by mail
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08
PLEASANTVILLE PRESS TORUN INCOME TAX
COLUMN FOR THE BENEFIT OF READERS

This is the second a articles by Mr. Nicholas j.
dealing with the Income Tax
published in the Pleasantvie Press
February will further nsaments for the
five weeks
ledge Of the Income Tax situation
the preparation OF In
present short article twice week on In
Proceedings and will answer any questions through
Pleasanvle Press, that may be submitted by
the headers
you doubts liability to file reurn-of the
exemption which entitled or any other quS
one regarding YOUR Income troubles send them to the Pleas
antvle Press stating the facts in the case ana M
the following edition OF this
All communications Nicholas Waters In
come Department Pleasantly lille Press.
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08

If Mussolini is killed, he will be
revered as a second julius Caesar
The Pleasantville press., 1927-02-08

In Fridays endition of the
Pleasantville Press, Mr.. Waters
Will take up the questions of
Surtaxes, and the credit for
Earned Income" and will an-
swer such questions regarding
Income Tax problems, as may
be submitted by our readers,
provided they are of such
character that space will allow
them TO be properly answered
in this column.
a self-addressed. stamped
envelope should be enclosed
with questions requiring a
lengthy answer, and they will
be replied TO by mail
EDITOR.