New Britain herald., 1927-09-10
ANDY TRIES SKATES
 AND HAS FINE TINE
Damage to Scenery, Including
 His Own, Is Great
CO\TRIBI TED

CONTRIBUTE
 | Dear Mary Ann:
 1 Last week me and my friend went i to Hanover park in M"rIdtn and 1 after We fills up on hot dogs" ii, asks me if l can roller skate and
 without thinking l tells him that I 1 las spent much time on roller Skat . i ing floors. W" goes over to the rink and he shows mo how 10 fas-
 ten the skates in their proper places. This guy says skating is just as easy as walking and so l starts off with a couple of healthy strldcs like I'm an explorer anxious to discover a new land.
 ] discovers q new way 10 land"
 and learns that the floor wasn't mp
 holstered with anything. but hard
 spo,s. My friend says l amt got
 any moro balance than Il grryn
 hookkcoper at the end ot q busy day and that they ought 10 have the skating rink equipped with strap
 hanging devices like in trolley cars and maybe I'd feel more al home.
 He offered to get mr pair Of crutches to help me keep my balance but l only grins and tells him to
 wait until I'd been on the skates awhile and then h" could get them. or maybe an ambulance.
 IL didn't take me slonc 10 learn that they is more ups and downs in roller skating than they is in the
 life of an elevator man. (An clc- Nator mans life is better he can take quick drop and still feel Hkc smiling, but when l takes q quick drop l feels like doing everything hut Smllc.D On account of me being q trlile knOrk-kncod has some ,iit- ilclltv ill navagatin' around corners, but after little practise l manages to take them all. even though l wasn't always on the skates at the time. Il & oinnd llr one skate womb start off without waiting for the other one and several times l al- most did the split"
 The right foot didn't know what the left was doing. .ind had no in trn'io0 of finding out. until 1t was too late, with the result that me and the floor takes tulns croWding each ether. When l maneuvorS about l needed more room than a ten ion truck or q m,rry- go-rounI. and was as awkward on my pins as a three day old calf. One fclla tells me 10 stick out my hand as . warning sig nal when going around corners. like if I WIS driving fliNycr. so that . others would know in which dlrcc- 1 ton I intended to 20.
 I does this, and accidoutly pollcs | my hand into some guys stomach {. which almost doubles him up and 1 he gets pc"Vrd and says if corS il | again he'll knock me tlattcr than | he hrm Of last years straw kelly md then throw me under steam ! "oll"r to complete the job I areues { with him and Woulda walIoped him l n the chin whiskcrs only my skates :, ouldn't bohaV" and kept moving ne outa range,
 Some careless spectator l"f hair in my way and I Stunblrs over { and breaks Il leg. q mean the hairs. not mine.) As | picks myself ;p some guy YisrNv2cha tEar if l nont will pay m" for hopping ID he floor with my clothes. providing hey is enough of me left to collect he dough. He also sa'd that th"r as four wheels 10 each skate and |
 was too hnd that non, of them as equipped with brakes. so that l could stop gradually, and not sud- ; enly
 After l had been on aud off mostly ofN the skates for awhile nll without f9lIing nor" than { vice. coth"rs "nough courag" 10 l " some fancy stunts, and l c'r- linly cut some moan capcrs. does I 1e "firurc- eight" so well that it q ,lios three follas to get one of my ( cs outu my coat collar, and rh' ( her away from my hip pocket | -hile T'm trying to get the breath ,ck which was knocked outa me. |
 fat ho2o in knick"rs asks me if ! m trying 10 invent some new '' unts. and then he starts l@ughing : loud a~d long that I begins 10 ink he was hired for that purpose draw the crowd. IT." muSta fought it was q circus or some ling. 1t wasn't any circus 10 mo,
 1t was I'd have them put saw lst on the floor to make the land IFS softer.
 Well. you cant keep good man ,wn. (unless hes deep s"a div ! and SO I makes another attrwpt 4 II don't have any more luck than
 horse -radish has beauty. \ guy ,ts in my way just as does q spiral turn" and l feels myself