davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19


The spectacle of faltering dignity, Of staid
ceremony outraged by human circumstances is
the basis of rare comedy. So when the Lord
Mayors parade marched up London streets the
other day without any Lord Mayor all Britain
got good laugh.
Arrangements for such events are usually
perfect. The Lord Mayor, preceded by gor-
geous burst of medieval pageantry, rides
pompously through the streets, after the an
cient manner, to take the oath Of office. But,
as. when the Prince Of Wales tripped over his
sword and set all parliament to tittering, there
can be hitch in the most dignified program
that reduces it to delightful comedy.
Indeed the parade had passed, and the peo-
pie, talking together excitedly in little groups,
had commented on the absence of the main
cheese, when
Galloping along the streets came the capari-
soned horses, the time-honored coach clatter-
ing and careening behind them. Fifteen min
utes after the parade had passed, here came the
wide-eyed principal, hectically trying to catch
it.. 1t was scene to melt the hard mouth of
the stole Zeno into a merry SMILE
There is a human lesson in the comedy, too.
It is that the most austere demeanor treads
very near the verge of the ridiculous, and it
takes only little push to send it tottering over
the brink.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
A Lie For a Pint
Newark Star-Earle)

A man has been sentenced to prison for life
in Michigan because pint of gin was found in
his pocket. That state has a law similar to
the Baumes law of New York in that it i'm
poses life term on fourth conviction for a
felony. That Michigan mans fourth felony"
just happened to be the possession of liquor.
The cruelty Of this case lies not in the fourth
conviction principle in general, but in making
it felony to have liquor on ones person. Only
vicious offenses were made felonies prior to
the Volstead law and fanatical legislation in
states it's advocates happened to control. This
view would make felons of millions of Ameri-
cans all over the country if the Michigan view
were general.
Nebraska has similar statute, but as the
Omaha Post explains, it is dead letter 'sbe-
cause juries will not send man to prison for
crime no greater than having pint of liq-
uor."
Congress, in passing the Volstead law, could
never have intended that life imprisonment
should be the penalty Of trivial infraction Of
that statute. It is safe probably to assert also
that the lawmakers who enacted the Michigan
statute did not contemplate any life sentences
as one Of the penalties for having any amount
Of liquor in ones possession. The Michigan
episode shows to what inhuman extremes zeal
fer controlling the liquor traffic may go.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
Gin, Coon Coats and Roadsters


From Yale University comes news that sur
prises us, and should prove not little discon-
certing to those who think youths main ambi-
ton today is to drink gin, wear raccoon coat
and ride in sport roadster.
Figures from the secretay's office show that
a total of $685., 679.67 was earned in year by
the one-third of the Yale student body which
is self-supporting either in whole or in part.
Of this sum $3.50, 856.17 was earned while the
university was in session; the balance during
the summer time.
The ways students earn money now are in
teresting. At Yale there is the Student Laun-
dry Agency, with 80 men, which earned $4957.
THIS group collects and delivers laundry, hav-
ing its own automobile truck. The Student
Pressing Agency, with 56 students employed,
and operating its own plant, earned $1O,328.
BY waiting on table in the University and
other dining halls, SIG students earned board
which would have represented an outlay of
$122,249: BY selling neckties seven students
earned 81 1909. Raincoats, shoes, furniture
flowers football programs and other lines en-
ployed still more. During the year one man
earned more than $4,000 in his spare time.
The cigaret holder, the raccoon coat, the gin
flask and the sport roadster? Certainly! But
from this report it looks as If the students are
selling. them to people who don't go to school
at ALI
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

still ! am very hungry. No matter!
how much / eat or how we'll ] chew
my food, I am still hungry"
Answer: Try eating IN extra
your meals, and see Il this does not
overcome your feeling Of hunger. lf
this does not satisfy You, Il may Be
. sign you have tapeworms. Send
for : special article on intestinal
parasites.
Question: Mrs. G. writes: "After
eating, ! have = very& bad taste in
my mouth ~ though I had burned
it with some hot drink, or more Of
. bitter burning. Am nervous. and
have dizzy spells"
Answer: Your trouble Is CAUSED
by biliousness, and this II undoubt.
sdly from overworking your hver
because Of using wrong foods. Take
fruit fast for . few days, and then
begin on the weekly menus which I
give every Saturday IN this column.
Question: Frank ]. writes: SIS
it . fact that snails are eaten In
France-with such IN abundant
variety Of regular" foods to choose
'front.'"
Answer: Yes. Snails are con.
sidered . great delicacy in France
Paris alone consuming over eighty
million . year. The snail industry
in Europe dateA back to 30 B. C.
But when you think about It, the
snail Is . cleanly little animal, living
on wholesome vegetable foods. While
I do not recommend Il, it would
8 en- our American prejudice against,
snail eating Is somewhat uniustified.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

and nobody knows anything.
"The state supreme court Is de.
Gliding one case which might prove
that Small hasn't keen governor oil
these years = Ne supposed. on &C.
when he took office.
"Worss still, some bright citizen
has carried to the supreme court the
question Of whether or not our pres
ent primary law is constitutional,
After we have our campaigns and
our primaries in April the court
may decide It's al Illegal. That
would put us back on the old .:ate
central committee Of 1908. Of which
we have only been able 70 find three
living members, one Of whom Il
Frank Smith"
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
Overheated Houses

Father has new job again. He must start
right in stocking the old furnace, or he may
have to get up and make the fires in the morn
ing: But just because you have plenty Of coal
in the cellar or good supply Of wood in the
woodshed, don't keep your houses too warm.
Indoor temperatures above 6S degrees are def
nitely harmful, even where the excess is only
2 matter Of few degrees, says Dr.. c. E. Dins-
low: Of the Philadelphia department Of public
health. Even slight excess temperatures cause
an increase in respiration and heart beat, and
fall in blood pressure. The high pneumonia
rate In winter IL due largely to the fact that
people keep their houses too hot.
The proper household temperature is be-
tween 81 and 68 degrees F. When you keep
your house temperature within these bounds
It il , healthful atmosphere. Many people be-
come % accustomed 70 excessive temperatures
that they feel chilly when in natural or nor
NAL atmosphere. Il the household tempera-
ture = kept within the .hygienic limit the hui
mildly win take care Of itself. The excessive
dryneos Of overheated Or accounts for the un-
due sensitiveness q TIE body to chilliness.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

~
Many patients come 70 me who
have nearly worried Themselves into
the grave since some doctor told
them that they had floating, or
wandering" kidney. Vhere il a..
ually little harm produced by mis-
placement Of either one Of the kid
heys, but many are undoubtedly
frightened into believing it ID .
serious condition.
The kidney: are supposed to be
located slightly under the ribs on
each side Of the hack, but years Of
experience as a diagnostician have
convinced me that the right kidney
is naturally located two or three
inches below the place assigned to It
by the anatomists. Out Of thousands
Of cases examined, ! found this to
be the rule, except with those who
are abnormally fat, in which case
both kidneys are pushed out Of their
normal positions.
OF course, II either Of the kidneys
descends % low % the hip bone,
there may be . serious blocking Of
urine because Of the connection with
the ureter which carries the urine
to the bladder. Surgical operations
are usually advised for such cases
and the kidney is anchored into what
10 considered it, proper position.
Such operations are wholly unneces-
sary II the patient is willing to de.
vote some time and energy in sys-
tematically developing the muscles
| Of the abdomen.
II either kidney is found to be
very low, the proper treatment 10 ID
60 TO bed for two or three weeks
keeping the hips slightly elevated
while in this position, doing all Of
the different exercises which viii
develop the abdominal muscles. Il
q good plan to take . milk diet q
this time, using as much ~ 81,
quarts Of milk daily. This will keeY
the intestines filled and, together
with the fat that has accumulated
around the intestines, will assist Il
raising the kidney into its norma
position. I do not advise tho mill
diet for this purpose unless tn
patient u also willing to take tn,
setting.up exercises.
II the floating kidney patient i
unable to cake the rest in bed, it il
better 70 stay on . well balance,
diet and get slower results from tn
exercising. Although . wandering
kidney can be raised by any kind o
''stu9fing" diet taken while in bed
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
Editorial Comment
A Little Prophecy
(New Age Illustrated)

Five years ago aviation was still in the ex-
perimental stage, commercially. It is beyond
that point now and growing rapidly, as the fol-
lowing figures show: Planes manufactured,
1921, 302; 1923, 587; 1925, 789; 1926, 1858.
American planes will become the most desir-
able in the world market.
Many more changes will take place in the
near future. The next five years will see
doubling Of bus lines. Our prosperity will
cease to be independent of our export trade.
The building pace will come back to normal.
Real estate values in boom territories will be
Debated. The efficiency of the worker through
fertilization Of plants will continue to increase
In 1882 81 men will be able to produce IT'S or
$50 pieces of machinery instead of 128 as in
1926 They are to share in their increased pro-
ductivity in the form of higher wages and, pos
sibly, in shorter working hours.
The new super-power era is coming. BY 1881
the entire middle west will probably be served
by four or five consultations, and by 1897 by
about Is super-power organizations, instead Of
several thousand, will be supplying the greater
part Of the country. Current will be cheaper
and the use of electric power almost universal.
In five years more the great electric power con-
solicitations, using the long distance power
TRANSMISSION recently invented, will bring cleo
tricity to nearly one-half the farms Of the
United States. This will make electricity the
power of the future farm.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
BY RODNEY BUTCHER
NEA Service Writer

Washington, Nov. 19.-The prin-
ciple Of state rights, instead of be-
ing immutable, has long been a po-
litical football alternately carried
for touchdown or touchback on
the gridiron Of expediency.
Persons who 60 along for years
without caring whoop about that
honorary principle are often sudden
ly heard to emit loud yelps Of an
guish when it appears that their
own interests may best be pre-.
served or safeguarded by such
tactics.
The only person who bellows
about state rights all the year
around is the Hon. Albert C..
Richie, governor Of Maryland.
The state rights cry, for in
stance, was used against such
moral reforms as the prohibition
and child labor amendments. APP
parently it got nowhere in the first
instance and emerged triumphant
in the second because money and
industry favored prohibition and
were somewhat cold toward the
child labor measure.
The principle of state rights is
again an issue as Bill Ware and
Frank Smith undertake to clinch
their seats in the Senate despite
the charges against them. Their
friends, Republicans Of course,
are beefing to the effect that it is
the only real principle the Demo-
Gratis have had since the Civil
War and here they are turning
two men legally elected by the peo-
pie of Pennsylvania and Illinois.
Most recently of all, the National
Council Of State Legislatures came
before the House Ways and Means
Committee as it held tax bill hear
ings. Its m e m bers announced
bellicosely that they would lauAch
"a new era in government" that
lit is time to call a halt to this
tendency of Congress to usurp the
powers Of the state government"
and that lit is incumbent upon us
tt. warn Congress that usurpation of
state powers must cease"
But it developed that the "state
rights advocates" had nothing in
mind but repeal Of the federal in
heritance tax which, in effect,
makes it difficult for states to at
tract wealthy citizens within their
borders by relieving them Of such
estate taxes.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
SAlNE A and 4SS!(J|lN SINNER y:

Cherry hardly waited until the
last note Of the strange duet had
died away before running toward
Rhoda, her hands outstretched, ex-
element blazing in her golden eyes.
"Where in the world did you
learn to sing like t1nt?" she de-
handed. "Why, Rhoda, you're 4
genius! Do you hear-a genius!
Didn't you know"
Rhoda, flushing and laughing a
little In confusion, gave her hands
to Cherry, apparently more de-
lighted at Cherry's friendly over
lures than 1t her praise Of her
II didn't learn" she confessed
shyly. II never had q singing les
son In my life. ! just sing.'
"But good heavens!-Faith, Boil"
she whirled upon her sister and
'brother-in-law, who were watching
the tableau with amaxement and
amusement. ~Tell her how marvel
Gus her voice is! Tell her! The
little idiot! How she can have a
voice like that and b 20 calm about
n-!"
'Tell Us all about it, Rhoda," Bob
suggested. "When did you first
know that you could sing7"
"Come over here and sit down,
Rhoda," Faith interrupted, patting
the couch on which she and Bob sat
hand in hand. "Of course we'll be
thrilled to tears. / never heard q
more beautiful voice IN my Nfe."
Rhoda took the proffered seat
diffidently her cheeks scarlet with
embarrassment and pleasure.
Mama always said / could sing
before I could talk" the girl be-
gan diffidently. "Pop-I mean my
father-gave her . photograph when
I was Z baby and she used 20 en-
terrain mo BY playing records.
liked the singing ones best and she
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
WASHINGTON 4
LETTER Z

Regardless Of the merits Of the
tax, the Ways and Means Commit
tee appeared unimpressed by the
Haunting Of the states rights ban
ner. Thus bearded in their den,
veteran congressman handled the
mere legislators like a faculty
sitting on a group of recalcitrant
school boys. Down here it's not
often that congressman can
high-hat anyone, so they probably
enjoyed themselves.
At the flood hearings on the
same floor. your correspondent had
an excellent interview" with
Mayor Broad Bill Thompson Of
Chicago. George Washington's
going to be nero as long as I'm
mayor" said Broad Bill, grinning.
"The whole trouble is that when
you change from one anti-Amer.
lean history in the schools you have
to turn to another. Now we have
q $4,000 prize up for a real Amer
lean history. No, / don't know who
the judges will be, but know damn
we'll they'll all be Americans"
Yes, Broad Bill says "Amur.
RIGA" just like q Bowery character
in a book. He very nearly hogged
the show at the flood control hear
ings, although the speeches bored
him. Strangers Of various sta
tions in life, including many from
down state Illinois, approached
him deferentially to introduce
themselves and shake the great
mans hand = just as if he were
Andy Mellon at q meeting Of ordi-
nary bankers.
Illinois politicians along for the
flood hearings invariably described
the political situation back home as
"a mess"
1--WE got too many presidential
candidates, in the first place." said
one. There's Lowden, Dawes,
Thompson and Dineen, although
Thompson isn't taking himself very
seriously. We don't know who will
get the Illinois d delegation
or how it will be split up;
we don't know whethe r
Frank Smith will be turned down
in Washington so we'll have to elect
another senator next year; we
don't know whether Small will run
for governor again; we don't know
yet who's going to run in the pri-
maries. for state and congressional
offices. Everything's up in the mir
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
IN NEW YORK

New York. Nov. 19.-Horatio
Alger tales still come to bloom
from day to day along the high.
ways Of Manhattan.
True, Nat the Neysboy might find
it bit difficult to locate q runaway.
But the other day William Trachte,
. 1S-year-old bootblack, saved his
father from jail by appearing with
bail money made by shining shoes.
Those tales Of ragged urchins who
are their mothers sole support
contain more truth than poetry. It
is not uncommon to find three or
four "Tattered Toms" supplying
money for the rent and food. The
mother, If not an invalid, takes In
washing or goes about scrubbing
floors-eveen as in the stories.
One Of New York's successful
"chain" bootblack stands is operat-
ed by . couple Of young men who
began life on the sidewalks Of
Union Square. They drive up to
their headquarters store in limou.
sines and live in ease and luxury
while other youngsters do the shin
ing.
Speaking Of Union Square reminds
me that the last link this section
has with the "good old days" 10
Luchow's restaurant. Luchow's ID
about the oldest restaurant in New
York. Abandoned by the last Of its
ancient cronies when the Academy Of
Music was torn down, this place still
refuses to desert the gay old stamp
ing ground, even though = couple Of
moving picture houses and innumer-
able cheap stores have crushed In
about it.
Here, in the Sold days." came the
bejeweled grand-dames in their car.
riaoes-and today their sons and
daughters, seeking the flavorsome
atmosphere Of . bygone time, come
in taxicabs. DeImonicots and all
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

said could carry the tune and sing
along with the singer that made The
record, before / could understand or
pronounce the words. only tried
to sing the soprano records, she said
And they noticed that I initiated The
voice Of the singer almost exactly
even when ] was just tiny girl"
"Good Lord!" Bob calculated mn,
der his breath. "And didn't they
give you lessons, child? Didn't they
realize that YOU have = God-given
S' Don't, honey" Faith ~hi.ner.d
warningly. You may raise her
hopes too high"
"Of course I'm no Judge Of mu.
sic" Bob FASTENED 70 add. "Bua
when you can sing Is YOU did to-
night What does your brothea
HE likes to hear me sins.n
Rhoda laughed shyly. ''but he thinks
I'm just . good imitator. can't
sing by myself, without the phono-
graph record, / mean. / Just sins
with it. cant explain, but I feef
helpless without the other sinrer'a
voice to guide me. Nils thinks rs
just trick, and that / wouldn't do
very well BY myself. even Il ! had
lessons"
nils is crazy" Cherry sexelaim-
ed violently. I'D like to ten him
2 thing or two. I'm 30 excited
can hardly stand it! Listen.
Faith" she appealed to her sister.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

the Other places Of sentimental
memory slowly made their way
from Fourteenth street into the
Twenties, and thence, gradually,
into the Thirties and Forties. Oscar
Holman, the chef, has been on the
job for IS years and there are
walters who can remember when"
our granddaddies came to eat.
Bit by BIT tn East Side has closed
in on the old place but the heirs Of
August Luchow say they will never
surrender.
Meanwhile the invasion Of Chinese
restaurants On Broadway goes mer-
rily on. There are almost q many
Chinese lantern and chop suey signs
on the big street" now q there are
gay signs. One of the Orientals,
grown rich ct . crpesroad in the
Forties, took over . place the other
day 1t rental Of $4,000 Q month.
Which should give some slight idea
Of the amount o& rice and noodles
Broadway consumes.
Which recalls q tale ! heard Of IN
American firm IN Detroit that rot
the bright idea Of canning chop suey
and sending It to China. Since China
never heard Of this dish, except
through Americans, Il began 10 buy
tn American product By tho boat
load-at least, - ! ms t0ld-and
tn canning conessn he's cleaned up.
The wisecraeksrf how refer to
the got-rich-quick young men Of the
East Side u sg0-khett6e..
GIDBERT SWAN.
(Coprisht 1917, NEA Services. Inc.)
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

With no sign Of matrimony on
Wales horizon, II looks Is though
the son may never settle in the Brit
ish Empire.
Red enameled skillets are on tha
market. but many :. woman sees red
when she looks at any kind Of :
frying pan.
Did you hear about the collage
man who was expelled for CRIB
bing IN = botany examination? HA
had a. flower in his buttonhole
when he went 70 class.
What this country needs Is less
tax about evolution and mora
This - the kind Of weather when
the finest sight il. he rid Is
A strange mechanism was found
IN the lobby Of . Detroit officS
building. Police called Il I bonah
and threw e i the lake before w.
ono had . chance to suggest that it
might b the new Ford car.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19

it was cracked up to be. He got sick of wear
ing it. He became disguised with the physiog-
nomy that nature and hard knocks had com
bined to mold for him-and decided to change
it.
Wolheim happened to be working for q NOV
ing picture firm in Hollywood when he decided
to become beautiful. When the officers Of
the company found what a pretty business VOL
helm was about they fought it tooth and nail.
There are plenty of beautiful men in Holly.
wood, they argued and here they were about
to lose the uncomeliest mien they had come
across in many years. They went to court
about it.
The judge granted a ten-day injunction.
Then permanent injunction, restraining VOL
helm from interfering with that unholy coun-
tenance.
Wolheim must wear it. And somehow we're
all glad that the Judge 50 decided. For who
would change the rugged beauty Of a noun
tainside into Louis Quatorze drawing room?
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1927-11-19
Mr.. Taft m Juries

Former President Taft, now chief justice of
the United States supreme court, calls for an
examination of the way jurors are selected so
that Jurors Of weak intelligence, Of little ex-
pexience and subject to emotions may be elm
in8ted.
We agree with the chief justice in that sew
eral juries lately have given ample evidence of
little intelligence or no intelligence at all, but
still are not quite ready to subscribe fully to
hisremedy.
a jury cannot be more intelligent or more
experienced than it's community, since it is q
body Of twelve men chosen from among the
ranks Of the people. Perfect juries could be
chosen under Mr.. Taft's plan only in perfect
communities, and since there are none of those
in this country, the suggestion practically
either would do away with the jury system or
result in professional" juries.
We are reminded Of the story 81 the Chi
cago juror who had served g talesman twelve
times and whose boast it was that he never
lost 2 case" We don't want that kind Of
jufymen.
4uries reflect the deficiencies Of their COM
mllnitjes, whether emotional shortcomin9 or un-
Intelligence. Thus, In Z mining town you hard
" could expect to choose jury with the same
/ g = > body Of twelve men in university
city might register.
4 man unbiased, whether he has read any
thing about the case or not, . man ready to be
guided ~ the evidence in the case, need not be
: college professor, we think, to sit on q jury
an4 aeEve vel.