Evening star., 1927-11-26
BACKGROUND OF EVENTS
BY PAUL Y. COLLINS.

Brains What good are they to any.
body? 1t is just wonderful what the
college saVantS are finding out by
much research, according to the latest
pronouncement from a highbrow of
the Wisconsin University. OF course,
Wisconsin is a Progressive" State in
politics, but does that necessarily
prove the embryo function of brains
in universal application? Or was
Prof. Joseph Jastrow simply talking
down" to the capacity of his audience
when, in addressing the Institute of
Arts and Sciences of Columbia Uni
versity last Tuesday, he used this
language of 'words of one syllable,
so to speak?
Success is generally due to a com.
bination of lucky circumstances and
outside influences. One has to use
only enough brain to keep from stand
ing in the way of success"
Drains are then a sort Of modern
traffic cop.)
Furthermore. by a logic that is ir.
REPUTABLE, the Wise Man of the West
adds:
MANY have achieved success with
out any undue display of mental ac-
tivity."
X X
Before any argument upon any sub
ject can proceed with intelligibility it
is necessary to agree upon definitions.
This announcement by the WiScon-
sin enemy of brains-thiS advocate or
the skull-vacuum theory-uses some
hard words, whose definitions need to
be researched. Outside of college
one would say must 'be looked up IN
dictionary" but among us savants
the word is "researched.
brains: The principle regulating
ganglion of invertebrate animals. =
Standard Dictionary.
The same authority gives as a
synonym for this gangllon: see
mind" Yet all that only adds to con-
fusion. If Jastrow is right, any clever
surgeon who is skillful in grating
monkey glands and mechanical sub
stitutes for vocal cords might learn
how to graft ganglions. whereby any,
body with the price might buy more
brains than any genius was ever born
with. It's all a matter of ganglions
and money. Live stock breeders may
harp upon the Importance of pedi-
grees, but what have ancestors to do
with our ganglions or even gangil1!
Some years ago artists began using
brains as "vehicles" in mixing their
paints to produce brilliant color-not
colors. but color, which is quite a diff
ferent thing. Turner used fresh eggs.
Oil is cheaper. John Opie, the Cornish
artist, gave away the secret when a
pedigreed, lordly fop got on his nerves
by asking:
"Do tell me. Mr.. Opie. what you mix
with your paints to make them so bril-
liant, don't you knoW?"
"Brains-just brains" was the can
nibalistic answer. Some artists really
do just that, though the practice is
going out Of vogue with the modern
lists.
Now, to follow the lead of the
Standard Dictionary C'see mind'O, one
may even get a glimmering of what
Jastrow referred to when he said the
ganglion was superfiuous. 1t persists
evidently from prehistoric ages, a
vestige Of what was formerly active,
even in colleges. AnatomistS point to
other vestigal organs, including some
times vestiges Of tails at the base of
human spines. proving the evolution
doctrine. How inspiring is the Jas
trow assurance that one today has no
more use for brains than he has of
a monkey tail to drive away the flies.
That accounts, of course, for the i'm
mense influx of students in all schools
and colleges since the war. There
have been many explanations of this
of erudition-Seeking, but
now that we discover the Vestigal
character of brains the mystery
passes. Not many days ago this col.
umn published learned thesis on the
passing OF hair upon the outside of
the brain box and authorities were
quoted to the effect that when a man
or woman thought heavily it caused
the nerve cells to heat, which de.
stroyed hair and caused badness and
smooth faces. The theory that think
ing hard destroys hair is upset by
Jastrow's dictum that brains need not
be exercised to bring wealth and great
fame. Hence, with idle ganglions, we
may look for better foot ball hair in all
institutions of learning.
X X *
Much research discloses that Jastrow
mlght cite many instances of financial
success ana even OF other specialized
success. whlch came without any evil
dence or college degree, but what of
that? The richest man in the world
is Henry Ford. who despises history
and gets his recreation out of flddlinS
Turkey In the Straw when most
turkeys today are in ovens. Mr.. Edison
used to sneer at colleges. Mr.. Darwin
was a school dullard. Abe Lincoln
never got a degree. The Learned
Blacksmith was more erudite than
most college professors. The worlds
progress has never depended i'm
mediately and directly upon "pure
science" but rather upon the applica-
ton of laboratory research by "prac-
tical" men when the pure scientists
were utterly incompetent to harness
their discoveries with the practical
problems of humanity.
Does that prove the accuracy of
Jastrow's statement that "brains" are
vestigal today? He qualities his "suc-
cess with the adjective material"
Is that mbant as q sneer at financial
Sl,ccess2 gavants often beiittIe the