The Enterprise. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 192?-1930, 1927-12-23
Christmas Is Here
By A. Wise Guy


Christmas is battling time. A
lot of people rack their brains try
ing to think what they can give and
others tax their gray matter trying
to figure out what they are going to
get.
We don't spend half as much time
deciding who we are going to give
presents to as we do trying to see
who we can pass up without starting
a fight.
Everybody is anxious to help you
pick out expensive presents but no.
body is anxious to loan you the mon
ey to pay for them.
1t is supposed to be better to give
than to receive but the storekeepers
don't seem to know it. They won't
even give you credit if they think
you have enough dough in your poe
ket to pay for what you get and if
they do they want it all back by the
first of the month.
Some guys brag their face is their
fortune, but when they walk into a
local store they are virtually penni-
less.
They can't even SINCE their whisk-
ers and make a purchase at fire
sale. The only place some ginks could
get anything on their face is in the
damaged goods department.
Of course, some folks don't actual
ly forget that Christmas is at hand;
they Just try to keep it quiet and
think it will slip by unnoticed.
Others figure that if they wait
until the last minute they can swipe
everything they need in the rush.
The guy who enters the Christmas
eve stampede with the least money
comes out with the most presents.
Some birds think Christmas IS
time of give and take. They believe
that the hand is quicker than the
floorwalker's eye.
Christmas spirit is coming into the
city by the truckload. Bootleggers
are way behind in their orders OF
goodwill toward men.
Extra cops are being drafted to
keep peace on earth at the night
clubs and wise men from South Seat
tie ere busy trying to extract syn
thetic gin from turpentine.
The shepherds on the hillside are
watching their stills by night and
there is no place in the inn for the
prohibition agent.
The stockings are hanging by the
fireside but the rest of the wash will
be held over for another week. Pa
and Ma are hurriedly trimming the
Christmas tree so it will be in readi-
ness by the time the children get
home from the dance in the morning.
They all will gather around the
family decanter and listen to gran
dad tell of some old forgotten home
brew of the days of yesteryear.
Greetings of warm, good CHEER
will be passed around with cracked
ice and ginger ale and it's always
fair weather when good fellows go
down in the cellar.
Happy Christmas chimes will be
heard above the static in the loud
speaker and there will be a merry
jingle when the new flivver is back
ed out of the dog house.
Over the hill and through the
woods to grandpa's house we go to
keep from buying our own Christ
mas dinner. Hospitality begins at
home-the trouble is finding which
home.
1t is a custom to kill turkey on
Christmas day, but most folk who
invite you out to dinner don't be-
lieve in capital punishment.
Auto-suggestion may be the eski-
mos earmuffs for curing ills, but
no amount of cranberry sauce can
make pork chops taste like turkey.
Things equal to the same thing
may be equal to each other, but no
two ducks living can make goose.
Christmas comes but once a year
and everybody gets just what he
pays for. The yuletide season will
soon be here and every year the
tide is rising higher and higher.