davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-05-16

concert her own self in preference to
her mothers funeral. No, Mrs. Goof
nah had sent them over free to Mabel
with her compliments. saying where
she wouldn't have any use for them
because Mr.. Goofnah hadder attend a
directors meeting and it seemed a
shame to waste such expensive tick
cts as she couldn't so without him,
and that she also hated to offend Mrs.
Freddie Freenash, who had sent them
to her. by not having them used
Not that any one of us ladies' for
one minute believed that Mrs. Fred
die had paid for them, on account her
husband has stock in Hirea Hall.
where the concert was to be- and she
is obliged to give away a bunch of
seats every performance SOS the place
won't look too empty, and this was
especially so with classic concerts.
And this one was going to be classic,
all right. there was no doubt Of that,
as could tell from the program
which was enclosed with the tickets
as fair warning. The star was, I'M
less forcibly prevented. conner sing
"Du bst vie cine Saurkraut" by
Wienerschnitzel. Then he would
chant still vie das Hooch," by Moon
shine, and "Das Wienerwurst,' by
Heck.
In the French group were Pas de
Tout" by Nevera gain. "Cammerbert." I"
by the Count De Bris, and Ma petit
Grieur." by Request. Then come the
Potata Cantata and d group Of English
songs. "My Love Is Bonehead." by
Seldom Goode. Every Morn l Bring
Thee Unpaid Bills by the Postman,
and Song OF the Vulgar Boatman,"
by Highat Mystars. The whole thing
read very delicatessen. and I was pre-
pared for the worst, especially in the
German section.
X < X
WELL, when the time come, / put
w on my new outfit, and went on
into town but, as / might of expected,
there was no George, either on the
depot platform or on time. SO |
thought to myself, well, the poor boy
is probably hard at work and hasn't
been able to get away yet, the office
is only a step. so I believe l will step
over there and surprise him. And l
done so, but as per usual it was me got
the surprise.
The office was absolutely empty
except fors the blind stenographer
which George had hired on account
he felt she really couldn't make any
more mistakes than the usual run.
Evening star., 1926-05-16

Well! I says to her, where is the
office boy? Oh! him! says she, he's
gone to a funeral up to the ball
grounds. And the bookkeeper. says.
oh, the bookkeeper! says she. he's
gone to a wedding up to the ball field.
And / says, / suppose the office man
ager has gone to important clients
office up at the ball field? And she
says Oh no. the office manager has
just plain gone to the game, And
| says humph, | says, very sarcastic.
see, humph. | suppose you attend to
the customers, then? And she says
oh, don't worry about the customers,
they are all up at the ball field
Well, naturally, ! felt where this
was simply outrageous. and ] didn't
hesitate 10 say SO. It's d scandal.
/ says, here my poor husband is left
to do all the hard work while them
worthless buns is off amusing their
selves. loafing. BY the way, I says,
just where is my husband? And she
says. Mr.. Jules? Why Mr.. Jules is
at important directors meeting, up
at the ball field
Well, that was enough for me. ]
give one look at her and one look
at my wrist watch. and one look at
the Office clock to verify it. and l
seen that IT ] was 10 act quick tneTe
would still be time to make the ball
field make George, make him come
with me. and make him attend the
concert.
SO l hoped on trolley. and beat
1t up to the ball field and bought me
ticket and went on in. and sure
enough. there was the directors meet
ing going strong, with Mr.. Goodman,
Freddie Freenash, that Joe Bush of
the Hawthorne Club, and my husband
all present. And as l swooped down
on them they was in the very midst
of declaring a dividend on a bag of
peanuts.
Well, I dragged George away on
the argument that If he had time to
waste on ball game he had time to
waste on a classic concert. We
grabbed off a taxi. told the driver to
beat it to Hirea Hall and on the way
down maybe l didn't tell Geo. a few
remarks! Hot Bozo. I sure give him
one red hot baseballing-out!
But we didn't hear the classic con
cert after all. On account when we
got to the Hall, the doors was closed
and there was a notice to the public
on them. and this is what it says.
Concert postponed, as talent has
gone to the Ball Game"
(Copyright 19o61
Evening star., 1926-05-16
If Brains Come From Serving of Fish,
Value of Whale Must Be Very Great
BY ED. WYNN.


~ EAR Mr.. Wynn: What is
meant when they say man
has horse sense?"
~ Truly yours,
JOCK KEY.
AnsWer-"Horse sense" is the thing
which keeps man from mortgaging
his home to buy an automobile.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: have never trav-
eied on a train. ] hear a lot about
Pullman porterS. What are they?
Yours truly,
CY TsEER.
Answer-A Pullman porter is a col
ored fellow who won't let you step
off the train, but insists on brushing
you off.
Dear Mr. Wynn: My mother and
father had an argument. Ma said
that pa doesn't act the same as he
used to before they were married,
especially if they were on a train
and passed through a tunnel. Why
should men act differently in a tun-
mel after marriage?
Sincerely.
l. NJ. A MAY DIN.
Answer-Before marriage a fellow
always kisses his girl in a tunnel.
After marriage, when he gets in
tunnel he takes a drink.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: My next door
neighbor told me he got a wireless
from London. England. from his
brother, and ii only cost . cents. Do
you believe that?
Yours truly.
U. MAYNO.
Answer-Sure I believe 1t. 1t was
q post card.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I arrived in
small town. one day last week, and /
had heavy grip. / saw a tramp at
the station and thought would have
him carry my bag for me. I asked
him II he wanted to make a quarter.
He said mo" and walked away from
me. How do YOU account for that?
Yours truly.
sAYLES MAN.
Answer: He probably had quarter.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I hear that De
Wolf Hopper is going to be married
at the Little Church Around the
Corner" IN New York. Is that true?
I. MoBsERv1NG.
Answer: That's where he generally
does get married.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: heerd folks say
as how fish gives yuh braines. If
what they say is true, what kind OF
them there fish shall I eat?
Yours trulley,
ALF. ALTA.
Answer: Judging by your letter.
suggest a whale.
Dear Mr. Wynni am a girl years
Of age and 90 to school. Our teacher
says that Robinson CrQsoe was an
Evening star., 1926-05-16
Business and Sports Have Their Own Little Pecriarties
When They Are in the Opposing Party
They Seem to Have All the Good Points

I None at ALL" agreed all the battle
horses.
TN tell you" said the campaign
| secretary, Mr.. Bughouse, n vo!uble
man. with wandering eyes--"The trOu-
bic is he has no magnetism, no per
sonal magnetism"
II see," / said
Now. you take this man. Shorts,
that the other party's got hold OF.
continued Mr. Bughouse, hes full OF
magnetism. He appeals"
| All the other committeeman nodded.
| That's So" they murInured. mag
| netism. Our man hasn't darncd
ounce of it,"
| 81 met Mr.. Shorts the other night
/ in the street" went on Mr.. Bughous"
land he said. Come on up 20 Iny
room in the hotel Oh ! said i
can't very Well Nonsense he said
| you're on the other side. but what
does that natter Well. we went up
| to his room, and there ne had whisky
and gin and beer-everything Now.
he says, name Your drink what IS
| it?' There he was. right I'm his room.
| breaking the law without caring It
| darn about it. Wen. Won know. =.
! voters like that Kind of thing. II =
peals to them"
| Well, anyNay. boys" said -
chairman as he li-hted "a f'c,H ri.
election day viii decidc. one VIA a
the other. We've certainly WD -
| hard enough hero he passed -
box Of cigars round 10 tho othe
| 81 haven't been in bed before
night since the work started.
Neither have L." said another Z
the workers. Il Was just saving I
the wife when I got up this morn Z
4 = lYt Ts1 y
wanted to see the sight Of a GA u
again"
"Wen. ] don't regret the work -
said the secretary. so long as We
| carry the county. You see" he added
in explanation to me, we're up
against a pretty hard proposition
here. This county is Demublicau;
| they've got the majority Of voters.
though we have once or twice swung
1t Repocratic. But Wheth her we can
carry it with n man like Crouch is
hard to say. One thing T. certain,
boys, if he does carry il, he doesn't
owe it TO himself"
All the battle horses agreed on this.
a little after that we dispersed
! TWenty-four hours later the vot a
was taken and 10 my surprise the
County was carried by Crouch. the
| Pepocratic candidate.
| 7 say, 10 my surprise. But appar-
emily not to anybody else.
For it appeared that was in con
versations after the election that
Crouch was a man of extra ordinary
| magnetism. He had so they said.
punch" Shorts. the Demublican. II
seemed. lacked punch absolutely. Even
his own supporters admitted that he
had no personality whatever. Some
| wondered how he had the nerve 10
run.
But my own theory Of how the cleo
tion was carried is quite different.
/ feel certain that all the Repo-
cratic voters despised their candidate
so much that they voted DemubliCaU.
And all the Demublicans voted Repo-
| cratic.
That carried the County.
Meantime Crouch left by the first
train next day for the State capital.
| Except for paying taxes on his house.
he will not he back in the town till
they dissolve the Legislature.
tCopyrlght. 1920
Evening star., 1926-05-16

to he practices expression and
from to s. cheek breathing. A good
many boxers pick out the wrong fea-
lures to breathe through, features
that may get stopped up.
The trouble with Willard at Toledo
was that he had learned to breathe
through his eyes and when they got
closed on him he was sunk. From
to Napoleon lies down on canvas
while referee counts up to 100 and
a big crowd yells constantly. This is
to prepare him to not be disturbed
under no conditions. His supper, con-
Evening star., 1926-05-16

down some foot notes. I am must.
clan, but have never heard Of foot
notes before. Were they kidding? II
not, what instrument were they talk.
ing about?
Sincerely,
SIM PHoNEY.
Answer: Foot notes, my dear sir,
come from shoe horn.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: Today I saw a
policeman walk up to a dog, shoot
and kill him. Do you think the dog
was mad?
Yours truly.
Answer: I don't think the dog was
pleased.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: / heard two men
discussing animals. One said that
while in India he saw "man-eating
tiger" The other said that once
while in Boston he saw a man
eating rabbit" Do you believe that !?
Yours truly.
IKE KANTSEEIT.
Answer next week.
THE PERFECT FOOL.
Ed Wynn. as he has often told you. IL
can stump him with any kind Of a diles
tion? II you do. send it to- him In care of
the, editor of this paper and watch for his
(Copyright. 1926)
Evening star., 1926-05-16
C'itv Death Rates.

NTINNEAPOLIS had the highest
AVA death rate for diphtheria in 1925
25 per 100000 of population. Gin
cinnati had the lowest rate, 3.4. New
York is one of the eight cities that
have shown a continual decline in
diphtheria death rate for the past SS,
years.
Evening star., 1926-05-16

tell another that her husband re-
minded her Of a furnace. What do
you think she meant by that?
Truly yours,
ROSE z. POSEY.
Answer: She simply means that he
smokes all day and goes out at night.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I heard two actors
talking the other day and one of them
said he was looking for a man to take
Evening star., 1926-05-16
~

acrobat. She's talking through her
hat amt she?
Yours truly,
ANNA MILLS.
Answer: My dear child, she is most
likely referring to the second chapter
in the story of Robinson Crusoe where
it says: when Robinson finished his
days work he sat down on his chest"
Dear Mr. XVvnn: / heard a woman
Evening star., 1926-05-16
- A

sisting Of live oxen. occupies him
from 6 to Q. Then he goes to bed and
Immediately to sleep and sweet pota-
toes, how that tremendous lad can
cnornf
Evening star., 1926-05-16

BY an edict Of Queen Mary Of En-
gland all women presented to the
court must wear their skirts from
four to five INCHES from the ground.
The queen Is opposed to short skirts.
Evening star., 1926-05-16

NAPOLEON CAVE THE OFFICER
A TERRIBLE BAWLINC OUT AND
PROBABLY WOULD HAVE
KNOCKED HIM DEAD IF THEY
HAD OF BEEN ANY MONEY IN
SIGHT,"
Evening star., 1926-05-16
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

" HIS being year when Con-
gressmen and legislators and
: many other office holders and
Il seekers come up for election,
a foyU fhouphtS on nOlitirS are
Evening star., 1926-11-04
CONGRESS HEIGHTS
i CITIZENS IN RALLY
Commissioners Bell and
Dougherty and Others
Address Meeting.

The part the citizens associations
play in the municipal life Of Wash
sngton and the advantages Of mem.
bership in the civic organizations
were stressed last night at a COM
,nunity rally sponsored by the Con-
gress Heights Citizens Association,
held at Congress Heights Methodist
Church.
Lieut.. Col. J. Franklin Bell, En-.
gineer Commissioner, told OF the spirit
of cooperation engendered by the
associations and stressed the i'm
portance of the individuals obtaining
n thorough knowledge Of municipal
affairs. 1t Is necessary. he said. to
plan for the growth of the city and
citizens can render valuable assist
ance to commissions intrusted with
The community's development.
Commissioner Proctor L. DOugher-
ty gave a word of encouragement for
the membership drive of the Con-
gress Heights association, which Will
be held November 13 to 20. Com
missioner Cuno H. Rudolph was to
have spoken, but sent his regrets
that on account of Ill health he was
unable to be present.
plea IOr organized ClllzeLSHlp
was made by Jesse c. Suter, president
Of the Federation Of Citizens Asso-
Citations and of tho Citizens Advisory
Council.
Stressing the unselfish aims Of the
citizens associations, William Nick.
clayton, temporary special legal ad-
visor to the Public Utilities Commits
sion, mentioned the opportunity af-
corded to association members 'of
forming closer contacts with civic af-
fairs and making new friends. 1t is
important, he said. to realize the ma
tional aspect of citizenship in Wash
3ngton.
The meeting was attended by men,
women and children, and special de-
tachments of police and firemen
thanked the speakers platform. E.
J. Newcomb presided. There was a
brief musical program and refresh
1nents We're served.
Evening star., 1926-11-04
MAN HURT IN RUM
RAID is SENTENCED

The merry clicking of the type
writer keys was momentarily stilled
n the pressroom in the basement of
Police Court yesterday when the
lounging room of the reporters was
turned into a courtroom.
The interruption was caused by
Judge Isaac r.. Hit conducting a
trial for a defendant whose leg and
hip were SO badly broken that he
could not ascend the stairs leading
into the regular courtrooms.
The defendant Julian Studds, was
arraigned with his two brothers,
John and Carl. for manufacturing and
the possession Of whisky at 1851 Poto-
mac street. The men were arrested
August by members of Burlingame's
flying squadron.
At the time Of the raid. when n
50-gallon still was seized, Julian
leaped from second story window,
sustaining the injuries that resulted
in the unique courtroom trial yes
terlay.
John pleaded guilty and took
the blame. saying that his two
brothers did not live at the premises
and had merely dropped around. He
was sentenced to 80 days in Jail ond
ordered to pay a fine of $175. The
brothers were given each a suS-
pended sentence of so days and $500.
Mrs. Rebekah Greathouse, assistant
United States attorney, represented
the Government.
Evening star., 1926-11-04
NORTH CAROLINA VOTER
SHOT IN ELECTION ROW
Republican Leader Seriously
Wounded in Attempt to Inter
vene in Dispute Near Polls.

By the Associated Press.
BREvARD, N. c., November A.
Samuel Owen, 60, yesterday was in
Transylvania hospital seriously
wounded, while police sought Syl-
vanus Mccall Of Gloucester Township,
who is alleged to have fired the shot
which struck Owen, Tuesday after.
noon, near a polling place in Glouces-
ter.
Owen, who is the father of the
Transylvania County register Of deeds.
is said to have attempted to intervene
in an election argument near the poll.
Evening star., 1926-11-04

ing place when wounded. He is one
of the leading Republicans of the
county.
The political contests in this county,
which were evenly divided between
Democrats and Republicans. have
been unusually warm during the pres.
ent campaign. A number Of minor
fights took place yesterday.
Evening star., 1926-11-04
SEES DRY HOPE IN YOUTH.
Georgia Administrator Points
"On1y Way" to Prohibition

CHARLOTTE, N. c., November 4
R.-Educating youth against the
taste of whisky is the only way TO
bring about absolute prohibition. Ben
c. Sharpe, prohibition administrator
for Georgia and the Carolinas, said
here yesterday.
LAS long as there is a demand there
will be whisky" he declared. 1T Is
almost impossible to reform an in.
veterate drinker. About the only
place where this can be accomplished
is in Heaven"
Evening star., 1926-11-04

So serious has been the decline of
agriculture in Mexico that wheat
from America is being sent to Mexico
(ifv
Evening star., 1926-11-04

In recent month 235 American
and AZ European automobiles were
taken into Uruguay
Evening star., 1926-11-04

Beardsley's Shredded Cod. .lz3c
B. M. Flaked Fish. ...... .123c, Zoe
Georges Cod. Csc
Gorton's "Ready-to-Fry. ...... .15c
Gorton's Clam Chowder. ..... .124c
Gorton's Salad Fish. ......... .122c
Gorton's Deep Sea Roe. e.........17c
Tidewater Herring Roe. ....... .lSc
King Oscar Sardines s.... .15c
Marie Elizabeth Sardines. lie
Silver Label Peas. .............. .lOc
Blue Ridge Corn. ..............l .lOc
Blue Ridge Green Beans. ........ .lOc
Paris Sugar Corn. ....3 for SOC
Golden Bantam Corn. .: .177c
Shoe Peg Corn. ................172c
Shriver's Al Corn. ....... .122c
Zion Fig Bars ........2 lbs., Csc
Malto Milk Biscuit. pkg, l5c
Cheese Snax. pkg, l5c
Pennant Round Crackers. pkg, lSc
Gold Medal Buckwheat (mixture), 3 for 29c
SchimmePs Jelly ...........lO .lOc
B. NJ. Lima Beans. ....... .lOc
PIG "Chipso," large. Zoe
Sunnyside Prumes. No. q can, 19c
N. B. C.. Saltina. ...... tin can, 15c
Educator Cream-flled Sandwich,
lib. carton, Csc
Smoked Hams. .... per h., 33c
Large Smoked Shoulders. .lb., 19c
Pure Lard. .lb., 171c
Franlfurters .lb., 35c
Evening star., 1926-03-12
Boys Long Hose

The triple weave variety that naturally
wear three times as long. Brown and
black, just right for his oxfords. and
plenty of them in sizes 7 to 111l.
(Seeond Floor)
Evening star., 1926-03-12
Have Heavy Duties.

Under the Nohammedan law man
IS LEGALLY responsible for his children
REGARDLESS" of whether they are horn
in or out of Wedl"ck. He seldom IL
ever evades this Responsibility which
is sometimes a heavy one.
Easreddin Shah. who ruled Persia
during the middle of the nineteenth
century. was reputed to have had 800
children. every one of whom he either
successfully married off or provided
jobs for.
Evening star., 1926-03-12
CRADLE Of ARCTIC
STORMS IS SOUGHT
Explorers May Locate Origin
of Winds That Sweep
North Atlantic.

At least 13 Arctic explorations are
planned for the coming Summer. and
! some of them may locate the cradle
/ OF the storms that sweep the north
Atlantic Ocean. according to Dr. VIII
| liam Herbert Hobbs. professor of ge-
oi"Sy and director of the geological
laboratory at the University Of Michi-
gan.
IF certain studies in Greenland
or instance. are successfully carried
! through. Prof Hobbs says. they
will he of great practical as well as
scientific Importance. for what have
In mind is nothing less than the
careful observation of the origin of
the storms of the north Atlantic and
Europe in the cradle where they he
| Gln their existence. and i'm the same
early stage in their career the ice
her@s which are such a peril to the
navigation of Atlantic waters.
Great Breeding Ground.
Northern storms and northern ice
hor;S. tho great perils in the navi,
cation of the north Atlantic. alike
have their breeding ground in the
| great flattened dome of ice which.
like Il gigantic white cap. covers
almost the entire continent of Green
| land-an area 200 miles in length.
with an average breadth nearly one
! half as great.
The coolest place on the globe
! is not. as popularly supposed, the
1 North Pole. The Winter tempera
I ture ut the North Pole is certainly
| quito warm if compared to parts
Of Siberia or northern British Amer
| ica. In fact. throughout the long
| Winter season at points along the
coasts Of these barren land areas the
winds which blow from the direction
! Of the North Pole are the warm ones.
! while those from the south are cor
+, r"snondlinclv cold.
Tho coolest place where tchpera
| lures have been measured throughout
= the year is in Siberia. but il ie certain
that in he heart Of Greenland ana of
I the Antarctic the Winter cold is much
: more intense, for even in the midst OF
! Summer the Mid-GrFcnland air tenn
! peraturps have been found To be more
| than 80 degrees below zero. Ii is.
therefore, of prime Importance TO find
out more about the air conditions over
Greenland.
TO Maintain Stations.
cone of the several polar expedi-
tionS which are being organized this
year. that of the University of Michi-
gam has been planned to study care
fullv the meteorological conditions of
this worry critical and significant area
by establishing and maintaining for a
wear number of weather. observing
points TO he served by airplane trans
portation.'
Prof Hobbs maintains that 1t is this
intense cold of the interior of Green
and which is responsible for the havoc
making storms that issue from its
margin.
The intensely cold ice caps of
Greenland and the Antarctic" he con
tinued. are the refrigerators of the
earth above which the high currents of
air. which have travelled from the
equator. are sucked down and drained
off as though through a gigantic shaft
and from the bottom of this shaft
they arn poured out in all directions
toward the margins Of the ice cap to
make their return to the furnace on
the equator thus making of our air
circulation Il complete circuit"
Evening star., 1926-03-12
Annapolis Realty Active.
!! Dispatch to The star.

NITClI IN-piIt II 10 I Ht ~IdT.
ANNAPOLIS. March 1o.-The farm
and residence of Theodore Messer.
schmit have been sold to Albert Stark
for $40 900. Twenty one lots. alread dy
plated. on the south shore of the
severn River were sold by Charles w.
Lake to Marguerite T.. Nichols. and
at q mort gage sale Tuesday the fine
home of Morris Legum. in the Murray
Hin section Of Annapolis. was sold to
Raymond H. Moss for a little over
III 600
Evening star., 1926-04-02

William Mitchell believes he had
tne last laugh in his set-to with the
army Air Service which resulted in
ms courtmartial and resignation.
Just before he resigned Col. Mitchell
slipped over to Boiling Field, made
~ Nights in one day and collected
Sl.O27 extra flying pay covering the
three months he was under arrest.
Controller General McCarl has put his
o. X. on the payment.
The case was submitted to Mr.. Nc
Carl for ruling in advance of payment
by Capt. Carl Halla, finance officer,
United States Army, stationed here.
Capt. Halla was uncertain as to
whether under the circumstances of
Mitchell's arrest. later release from
arrest. court-martia1 and sentence. the
additional flying pay would be forth
coming.
mo flights were performed by Col
Mitchell during the months of No
vember and December, 1925" said
Capt. Halla in his letter to Mr.. Nc
Carl. but 81 flights were made by
him on January IS. 1926" Under the
law MIR. McCarl ruled the additional
pay was due Mitchell
At Boiling Field it was learned that
the officer. who at that time was oC-
cupyinC the center of the Nations
spotlight. had climbed into plane
and whipped through the air and on