The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-01-14
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS EEK
Saving Money
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS


Il have found" remarked Mrs. Tur
pontine, that it pays to buy groceries
and provisions in bulk. This thing OF
buying pound of this and pound
Of that is most expensive"
Il suppose you are right" observed
Mrs. Curfew, but such schemes, al
tho indorsed by statesmen and pre-
lates and other great thinkers, never
seem to work out right in our house.
THE other evening When Mr.. Cur
few came home he brought along q
big ham he had purchased at the meat
market. He pointed out that he had
saved more than a dollar by buying a
whole ham at once. Buying a slice at
time, as we have been doings is
wasteful,' he said, and waste at this
critical time is vicious and criminal
II agreed with him and told him he
should set up early next morning and
hew eli two VI three slices of the ham,
for two lady friends of mine, highly
educated and refined schoolteachers,
were staying over night with us, and
l wanted TO give them a good break
falI Whom | went to the kitchen in
the MORNING Mr.. Curfew was laboring
with the ham. He had it on the kitch-
en- table and he was trying to hack
thru bone with a Ratchet.
NE was covered with perspiration
and was blowing on his thumb, which
he had hit with the Ratchet. He said
that the butcher who sold him that
ham was a pirate and ought to be in
the penitentiary. I supposed was
buying a ham from a hog, he said,
but this blamed thing is part of a
rhinoceros. No hog ever had bone
six inches thick In its hind leg. The
animal that furnished this ham must
have been brought from Africa by
some big game hunter or explorer.
Where is our old handsaw?"
II told him where it was and he
found it. 1t was all covered with rust,
and he cleaned it with a rag dipped in
coal oil and then put the ham on
chair and rested his knee on it to hold
ii steady and began saving. /
begged him to quit, for he was grow
ing more indignant every minute, and
when his anger reaches certain tenn
porature he doesn't care tinkers
picayune what he says, or who hears
him.
'"rhe ham slipped from under his
knee, and he ran the saw against his
shin, and then he danced around the
Kitchen on one leg, folding the injured
one to his bosom, and began express
ing his sentiments in language child
could understand. Just then the two
school teachers stepped into the kitch-
en- to see what the celebration was
about, and / was so ashamed l
Wished / -could. sink thru the floor
ana a.ide in the coal cellar
"The three of us finally managed
to get him cooled down. / must say
those schoolmarms were sood sports.
They told Mr.. Curfew They didn't
blame him for stornlng around under
such circumstances and soothed and
cheered him so well that he tackled
the ham again, with knife, saw and
Ratchet, and managed to hew off two
or three ragged slices, an inch thick
in some places, and as thin as tissue
paper N others.
II cooked them, and we sat down to
breakfast and found that the ham
tasted of kerosene, as result of
cleaning the saw. Then the school
teachers couldn't hold in any longer,
and they unleashed some untimely
merriment. Mr.. curfew got up from
the table and took the ham and threw
it into the alley, where a lot of dogs
began quarreling over it quite scandal
ously.
Every economical sheme we try in
our house works out this way, and !
assure you, Mrs. Turpentine, that
there are times when l feel dis
coiraeed"