The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1926-03-25

tODlSned at anything done Dy
him.
Said Simon: "Ain't l the strange
Teller, thought Pm that set on travel
ing I'd like to be in Denver, just 10
say l was there. I'd like to go out TO
see Budd Lobe in San Francisco. |
amt got any use for Budd ana ne
amt any for me, but I'd like to go
out just to say l was there Ia IKE
to 60 to Washington. Don't care
about the capitol and wouldn't be both
cred with the monument; don't care
about generals and senator's, but just
want to say / was there
Simon made discovery Said he:
at costs money to travel J!
Simon was given to wisdom. Said
he: "Theres always ways of doin'
things" And this was his way:
The postman FASTENED from corner
to corner, collecting mail. And there
on a letter-box sat Simon Boobies,
perched comfortably, swinging his
legs.
Hey, young fellow" said the indig-
nant DOstman. "You mustn't do your
lounging therel The government
amt in the furniture business. Do
you hear ?'-for Simon said nothing,
but swung his legs indolentIy-"Y You
mustn't loaf there, so take jump for
yourself"
But / can't" answered Simon. Il
can't move, and by rights, can't talk,
either. I'm mail. I'm mail See?"
MIR. BUDD LOBE, 234 Pearl
Street, San Francisco, Call
Upon his forehead was a postage
stamp. Upon his coat was marked in
huge letters the above address.
Don't talk nonsense" said the inn
patient postman. And you'd better
not interfere with the post office,
either" He called to a policeman.
Now, officer O'Glory was new po-
liceman, and, as he had been in trou-
BILE several times because of arrests
made too promptly, he was careful
officer. Not grasping the facts of the
case, he approached, glancing at a lit
tie book of rules.
I'm mail" said the unruffled Simon.
s.He can take me or leave me. I'm adj
dressed and stamped and | don't care
what he does about it."
stamped cried the wrathful post
man. why, he weighs at least two
hundreds pounds. And for that, he's
got one miserable two-cent stamp on
him. Officer, are you going to take
this fellow"
Officer O'Glory fluttei I'd the pages
of his book of rules. unfortunately,
the compiler had neglected to foresee
such situation.
when in doubt use your own judg-
ment" That was the only suggestion
of application.
No; there was another:
Never permit yourself to be thought
at loss"
II can't touch him, if he's mall"
declared Officer O'Glory. "You don't
get me before the commissioner for
picking parcels off the tops of letter
boxes"
"But how far would a two-cent
stamp carry him?" shouted the post
man.
And Simon answered: IT amt sup
posed to talk, cause I'm mail, but you
know that so long as there's one stamp
on anything, you've got to take it.
Wasn't there any on me, wouldn't
go; but so long as there's two cents
paid, you've got to take me for the
rest to be paid at my destination"
well, I'll be registered ~ cried the
postman. But Mr. Budd Lobe will be
glad to see you How are you mail
ing7 You're first-class postage, 1 sup
poser"
I'm always frst-class goods" an
swered Simon.
The postman calculated rapidly
Two cents an ounce or fraction
thereof. Sixteen to the pound-two
hundred pounds sixty-four dolIarsl
But won't Mr.. Budd Lobe be glad to
see you Come on, then"
Garry me-" said Simon. I'm sort
Of a ward o. the government and must
travel luxoorious. I'm mail, and can't
walk"
And with many gasp and many a
groan, the postman staggered to the
post office with Simon resting COM
fortably on his back.
Hes mail /" gasped the postman.
falling into the office with his parcel
sHe isl" said the postmaster. swell,
he don't go here. He's live stock, and
Uncle Sam isn't carrying live stock.
Turn him OUT.
''That'll be all right" Simon agreed
"turn me out. I'm mail and amt sup
,,osa6 70 faIk hi1f NV cnndar,1l s,,,a
YOU. There amt a court in the land
would uphold you. You just try to
classify human bein' as live stock
and hear the kick that'll 60 up.
There's the Wimmens clubs always
something frenzied to find something
to kick about You let them hear you
call them and other human bein's
live stock"
Toto California with himl"
r