Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-01-07
The Funeral of
Nose Johnson
BY ALEXANDER RICKETTS,
(Copyright.l


tcopyrisht.l
AS sat on the porch talking
"A Aesultorily with the landlord-the
wide, roomy. porch, with the wobbly.
creaky, comfortable. splint-bOttomed
rockng-chairs, I happened to mention
having seen General Grants funeral.
"Humph!" observed the landlord,
contemptuously. "You ough&er've seen
Nose Johnson's funeral If you wanter
say you've seen funeral. Eth, fellersT
swell. let me hear about 1t" urged.
'Then, to begin at the beginnin',"
began the landlord, ut was all on &C
count of an ordnance we've got here
providin' that there sha'n't be any
parades unless the mayor gives per-
NIT for it. Last year when the circus
struck town we had a cross-grained,
grabbed old Teller for mayor, an when
the circus man went I'd get permit
for his parade he got. turned down.
"T want a permit to parade says
the circus man.
"'You can't have It, says the mayor.
"'Td like to know why I can't
says the circus man. ~
"''Cause excuses are demoralizin'
an indecent inventions Of the devil
for to lead the young an unwary on
ter destruction, an consequently I
don't approve Of. them,' says the mayor.
"'Nothin' Of the kind says the
circus man. TIL have you konw that
mine is a great moral and instruc-
tin show, thatTl benefit an uplift any
community
$50 the two Of them had 1t back an
forth, hot an heavy. The circus man
beggin', an the mayor refusin'; the
circus man threatenin', an the mayor
defying' him; the circus man pleadin',
an the mayor sittin' obstinate; the
circus man cussin', an the mayor
finin' him seventy-five cents per cuss
until the upshot of it all was that
the circus man had to leave without
the permit, but swearin' he'd parade
in spite of all the mayors an per-
mits in creation.
"Well, mister circus man came down
here an carried on somethin' awful,
worse than the widest wild man from
Borneo you ever seen, an offerin'
everythin' to everybody If they'd only
tell him how he could outwit the
mayor, an jest then 1 had sorter an
idear. So says to him, Say says,
Nose JOhnson's lynn dead this mint,
waitin' for the poor board to bury
him, Nose always bein' a shiftless,
thoughtless. no-'count kind Of q
feller.'
"I wish 1t was the mayor snaps
Mr. Circus. What Of itT
"'Well.' says, 4 dunno as there's
any ordnance regulatin' funerals, or
permits got to be got for the same.
Do I get that contract for feedin' tho
animals3' says.
"'You d. says the circus man,
his face lighting up Like a transpar-
ency. Set 'em up for tho house, an
then come and show me where john
sons abode u.s.
"At Arst the disconsolate wilder
stood out for Q full suit Of mournin'
but finally she compromised on
Grape veil an a pass to the show an
q seat on the band wagon.
"Accordln', right on tho time ad-
vertised, along down the street past
the mayors office came hearse, with
johnson reposin' peacefully in 1t, an
the circus follerin' in all its glory,
with the red an gold glltterin', an
the elephants trumpetin', an the lions
roarin', an the hyenas laughin', the
band playin', sometimes a funeral
march to Jig time an sOmetimes "A
Hot Time In the old Town to fu-
neral march time, an the circus man
a-straddlln' q dancin' piebald stallion.
Iookin' proud an serene an happy. 1
my sock1 wAem't it the Mayors
turn to be maAi He came rushtn' out
Of his 09 IKE crazy man on the
loose, am mtchin' hold Of the Eridles
Of thu kDryes pulRn' the hearses
showed them right pang back On
THAR launches. q.
"whGtss tho meanin' Of this herer
UQOUBGU L6o CAkCU0 u1AA1 HUN NkS R~~
tendin' ID be terribly shocked. What
do You mean By interferin' In thB
outrageous way with my old friend
Mr.. JohnsOn's funeral, you old grave
robber your
"'Wha-atr" gaspS tae mayor.
"TM have ydn know that we're per
formin' our sad duty Of attendin' our
late lamented friends remains to
their last restin' place. Amt we, Mrs.
johnson. says the circus man, pleas
ant as a basket Of chips.
eyes, you be- chirps the wilder.
"Well, sir, the mayor realized
instanter that he didn't have no
authority to stop funeral In full
career. So all he could do was GRIND
his teeth, an froth considerable at
the mouth, an hope somethin'd turn
up thatd give him chance at that
circus man while that parade follered
johnson all over town. An thAy
didn't shirk johnson none either, but
finally went ahead an planted him to
the tune Of Where Was Moses When
the Light Went Outr There was tho
biggest crowd at the funeral that
ever attended such O melancholy even&
In this town. 9-.
SAN that's why" concluded tina
landlord, "we're claimin' that the last
go ~,+oo mold IN Mosn JohnRon'R ashes