davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
IF THE BOSS ACTED IN THE OFFICE AS HE DOES ON
 THE GOLF LINKS!
 (Rased on Observations by

Leona HarringtonO
 Miss Irving, have you heard that one about the two ishmen at the rooming house? You have? Flaw! Flaw. Flaw! Say, I'm feeling fit to- day! l believe IT have better luck with my dictation than l did yester- day-Hey! Mis- Robins. I'm ready for dictationl Yours of the Fist re- ceived! How was that for a starter? A WOW, eh? Contents duly noted --say, that was a good one, eh? I'm doing lot better than l did yes- terday! Enclosed find invoice cov- ering items-Great, eh? ] feel like a kid today!
 "Jimmyi Where's that office boy? Say, Jimmy-you hunt around and find that paper I'm looking for and I'll give you 8 quarter! Now watch me sign the paper-see the way I'm gripping my pen? Now you watch closely, my boy, and maybe some day you'll be able to do it! There, wasn't that a WOW? Now watch this stroxe-Well, for the love of-Tll be-well, my-if this isn't the III I'll be--!-!ii What did you cough for, just as I was begin ming to write? You're a -! -! of an office boy!"
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
HARTFORD'S ATTEMPTED
 CLEANUP

Hartford has the reputation of being so set in it's ways that the agitation against the further de- velopment of an unsavory district in that city, along Windsor and contiguous streets, is commendable, IL took two murders to bring citi- zens to a realization of conditions, and since that time revelations Of what has been transpiring in the district have been so convincing that the city officials can scarcely pooh-pooh the situation for hidden political expediency.
 On a small scale Hartford is faced with much the same problem as larger cities have allowed to de- yelop. Residents in a district ad- dicted to illegal practices too ofteE exert a powerful political influence, and for this reason they too often are permitted to operate their vi- cious plants uGdisturbed. An influx Of southern Negro residents in the Hartford district has complicated matters the past few years, and it appears that politicians have been inclined to Keep hands off. So long ss nothing startling happens such d policy may work and not attract much public attentions; but with the commission of ehe Har.tord mur- dsrs the binders dropped from the eyes of the public and politicians
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
KRAZY KINDERGARTEN Conducted by Judy, Jr.)

Fletcher:
 Conrad, how is 1t your 20 min nits late?" Con Found:
 My watch was rong-I thawt it was later" Fletcher:
 That's a good excuse, maybe! Stay after skool and rite it 5000 times. Now stand up and recite clothing store. Con Found: "Pll recite for you gladly, but still
 jest the same I think better sit heer in my place; In fact I gess III have to sit till dark
 comes, Cawse my clothing store in quite a
 private place."
 Michael Miranden. Copyright, 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden.)
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

ficult an undertaking as building the Panama canal later. was round- ly scored as visionary and prohibit tive. Now we know it was an emi- nently practical and valuable enter prise. tunnel nearly five miles in length which proved commodious enough to be in use fifty years without alterations was well built, to say the least.
 The work of building the tunnel commenced in 1856, and it was not fully completed until 1873, and the first train passed through it on July IS. 1876. Work was com menced at both ends and also from a shaft sunk to a depth of i,02S feet in the center. This shaft is still used for ventilation. The rock penetrated being chiefly schist, the boring was the most difficult un- dertaking of the age, especially in view of the lack of such boring machinery as is common nowa- days.
 A somewhat similar tunnel is be- ing built by the state of Colorado at the present time. and will take but few years to complete, whereas ths Hoosac tunnel re- quired 19 years of effort. But what we can do today does not in the least detract from the work done half a century ago.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

tors are heard from quite readily; the millions who welcome the op- portunity to utilize Sunday in this educational manner do not take the time to enter into the discussion How they appreciate the Sunday open-door policy is shown by the increased attendance.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
Facts BY ROBERT CULLEN

It isn't an insult to call man a worm. He gets and gets and then the worms get him.
 Few things work out right. The manufacturers of fast cars progress much faster than the builders of jails.
 The evil that men do lives after them but frequently the sons use the profits for philanthropy.
 Any mans degree of ignorance is in exact proportion to his eagerness to air the little knowledge he has.
 Fable: She won a beauty contest and thereafter was q great help to her mother.
 Alas. when q northerner wishes to go out for high old time, he cant have fictitious Mexcans kidnap him.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
FEAST OF THE SETTING SUN"

Today In Mexico, Canada. Spain, Cuba, Haiti, France, England, Peru, Chili, Argentina, India, the Philip pines, Colombia, Central America, the West Indies, and the isles of the sea, women are buying the old re- liable remedy Lydia E. Pinkham' s Vegetable Compound.
 Here in the United States, nearly 4,000000 bottles of this medicine are sold in a single year,
 Ask your druggist.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
CANADIAN POLITICS ACTIVE

Ottawa, Ont, July 19 Pl-Poli
 tical interest will be focused thi| week on Premier Arthur Meighen'I opening speech of his campaign. ThI prime minister will fire the first gud in his coast to coast election cam
 paign here tomorrow night. An| nouncement of the date of the elecI ton probably will be one of the fea lures of Premier Meighen's speech
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

Q, When did Harry Thaw shoot
 Stanford White?
 A. On the evening of June 20, 1906 during a performance at Madi-
 son Square Roof Garden in New
 York city. 1 Q. How much did if cost to print
 the postage stamps in 1925?
 A. For the fiscal year ending
 June 30, 1925. the total cost 10 the
 government of printing all denom-
 nations was $1,700,000.
 Q. What is the duty and tax on
 automobiles imported into Canada? :? 1 A. When the owner is to remain | in Canada an automobile that has ben in his possession for six months or more and is worth less than S1200 may be brought in free of duty. Where it is brought in for sale the rate is twenty per cent ad valorem on cars worth twelve hun dred dollars or less and 27 and one half per cent on cars worth more than 1900 dollars. In addition there | is a sales tax of per cent and an excise tax of 5 per cent on the first 1900 dollars and 10 per cent on the amount over 1900 dollars. | Q. How can oil stains be remov- ed from leather?
 A. Dab the spot carefully with spirits of sal ammoniac, and after o1o a Jrh hi1n ch | with clean water.
 o. How many Morse American. , cent and cent stamps, were is sued by the government? A. The issue was 9,1049S3 two cent and 1,9O0983 five cent stamps. 0. How can spots caused by hot discs be removed from a highly polished table? What is the best way to keep a high polish on table? A. To remove spots caused by setting hot dishes on it, make thin paste of olive oil and salt, spread it over the mark, and leave it for an hour When rubbed off the mark will disappear. To keep high pol | ish, rub every three days with | mixture Of equal parts or ollNe OH and turpentine. Apply with a fan enl cloth and polish with clean flannel cloth.
 0. Is there a law prohibiting the destruction of United States coins?
 A. No, but mutilated coins can- not be returned 10 circulation. Q. What is the pay of a surfman | in the Coast Guard service? A. Upon enlistment it Is s6O
 per month base pay for the first
 four years. provided his rating is not changed. After four years of ser
 vice he receives an increase of 10
 per cent of his base pay and five
 per cent increase for each four years
 thereafter until he has served 16
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

who expected to profit from the dis tasteful situation are finding them selves confronted with sufficient public indignation to warrant a cleanup.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

Member Audit Bureau of Circulation. The A. B. c. Is a national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver- tisers with a strictly honest analysis Of circulation Our circulation statistics are based upon thls audit. This insuTes protection against fraud In newspaper distribution figures to both national and local advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

The language needs just one more little word to describe the grown man who listens in on a party line.
 Poor ladies! Many a wife thinks she is loved for herself alone when it's only because the home team won.
 Poverty caused crime in the old days. It does yet, but it's mental poverty.
 A specialist is man who tries to cure you instead of trying to keep you as a regular patient.
 If the Army and Navy can enforce the dry law, let's try it on some of the others.
 Correct this sentence: T make no effort" said lie, to appear richer, wiser or better than l am.' (Protected by Publishers Syndicate)
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
The Embarrassm smeut

The Embarrassment
 Mrs. Fielder: My husband has lost thirty pounds and his clothes hal g on him loose and sloppy. He's awfully embarrassed.
 Mrs. Fletcher: Embarrassed about what?"
 Mrs. Fielder: His clothes. Folks mistake him for a college boy"
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
Unpuzzled
Beat Him To It

Friend: Accept my sympathy, Walt. l hear the cyclone took your house away from you"
 Farmer: Yep; it just beat the mortgageo by about 4S hours"
 Herbert Ganzer.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

Criminal: One guilty of having mo- account parents and grandparents.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

The Herald is on sale daily in New York at Hotalngs Newsstand, Times Square; Schultz's Newsstands, Entrance Grand Central, 42nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

South Carolina has the greatest percentage of illiterates, which at least reduces her number of see mario writers.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
Our Pet Recipe for Keeping Young,

Our Pet Recipe for Keeping Young,
 Folks! Manicures. mud-packs, and "perma- nents," too, Ye Beauty Shoppes give 'em, but when we get blue We make for Ye Fun Shoppe, for funicures bright, Mirth packs, and permanent waves of delight!
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

A partisan is man who had | rather lie about his mileage with one car than to save gas with an- other.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

III health: The long bad time for which you traded short good time.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
Member of the Associated Press.

The Associated Press Is exclusively en- titled to the use for republication Of all news credited to it or not otherwise credited In this paper and also local news published therein.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
TELEPHONE CALLS
 Business office .... 925 Editorial Rooms ... 926

The only profitable advertising medium in the City. Circulation books and press room always open to advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
WHEN BLACK IS READ

Never Neglect C0ldi (In Tongue-Twister Manner) When old Jeff Golf took an awful cough,
 (Though Jeff was bluff and hearty, Wife told Jeff Golf, You can wear You're a bluff and hale old part:'." But the Jeff Golf cough soon car ried him off, CTwas a coffin Golf went off in,) And the wife who thought Goff's cough bluff Knows a cough ain't bluffin often!
 David II. Morehead. Oh, For the Good Old Days! Wives cost more than they used to cost! That, in itself, is wrong: But what's worse yet, these modern wives Don't last chap as long!
 Arthur D. Chapman.
 ss
 Puzzled When winter snows are melting fast Pedestrians go flop! The poets then begin to write Their sentimental slop. So will you, Mister Editor, Inform me which Is worse, To slip on slushy sidewalks,-or To fall for mushy verse?
 Alice Hanson.
 Unpuzzled You merely lose your balance, Miss. If on the walks you slip, You pick yourself right up again And on you gaily skip; But if you fall for mushy verse, It truly must be said Your fate is very, very sad For you have Pst your head!
 The Editor.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
m19's zz9 [-=a.-k / TUn chOp
 d H
 MAxs0N hxH4Il J1nk

Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care Of the New
 Britain Herald, and your letter will he forwarded to New York.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

As We understand the political situation, the effort is to place an "ex' before Mr. Coolidge before it is due.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

Men are a hard boiled lot. and the usual cause of divorce is mere proximity.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

A drug store is place where they have little tables with SS7 wads of gum stuck beneath.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
IN KLASS AT KRAZY KOLLEGE
 Conducted by Judy)

Teacher:
 "If you have your mouth organ with you Mir. Schutt. try consume on it." Isadore .hutt: "Mine tailor has fled, wit mine
 trousers he he'd: I wish l could find we're dot bum is; De lawyer advises Cat nize fency
 prices) I consume for brooches of prinise.
 Frank T.. Procupeck.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
New Britain Herald
HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily Sunday Excepted) At Herald Bldg, 67 Church Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19
QUESTIONS ANSWERED

You can get an answer 10 any question of fact or information by writing to the Question Editor, New Britain Herald. Washington
 Bureau. 1922 New York avenue. Washington, D. C., enclosing two cents in stamps for reply. Medical. legal and marital advice cannot be given, nor can extended research be undertaken. All other questions will receive a personal reply. Un- signed requests cannot be answered.
 All letters are confidential-Edi
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

SUBSCRIPTION RATES ss.60 a Year s2.00 Three Months.
 75c. a Month
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

Entered al the Post once at New Britain as Second Class Mail Matter
New Britain herald., 1926-07-19

(Protected by Publishers Syndicate,
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
INTELLIGENT BUYING BY
 WIVES NOW IS SOUGHT
Also Efficient Production on Part of Household Goods Manu-
 lecturers

Boston. Oct 21 R-Economica and intelligent buying on the part Of housewives, and efficient and in telligent production on the part of manufacturers of household neces- sites are the twin aims to be pro- noted by the new bureau of con- sumner research, establishment of which was announced at Boston University today. The bureau will be a part of the home economics de- partment of the College of Practical Arts and Letters, Dean T. Lawrence Davis said.
 "The economic importance of woman as purchasing agent is growing every year." said Prof. Elizabeth MacDonald director of the now bureau. "Women spend five out of every seven dollars in the nation al P-y envelope.
 Women's manual contracts with household commodities have been taken away by the advent of power machinery. The change has come so fast that women have lost their old rule-of thumb standards with out substituting more modern criteria Of selection of the things they buy.
 The basis of judgment must be gained through specific research, study and dependence for guidance upon non- n-commercial and therefore, unbiased authorities"
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
Morse Trial Continues;
 Campbell as Witness

New York, Oct. 21 P)-Jeremiah H. Campbell today resumed his dual role of defendant and government witness in the Morse mail fraud trial in federal court.
 Campbell, recalled by the govern ment, gave testimony regarding the parts played by the IT defendants in the steamship companies of Charles w. Morse, and his three sons, Edwin A, Benjamin w., and Harry F. The three sons and 14 others are charged with using the mails to defraud in stock selling ac- tivities of the United States Steam ship Company, the United States Transport Company and the United States Ship Corporation, which rep resented a total capitalization of $90,000.0O0.
 Campbell was elected secretary treasurer of the United States Steamship Company in 1916 and re- mained with the company until 1921.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
Husband Seeks Divorce,
 Custody of Children

Charging adultery, habitual ln- temperance and intolerable cruelty. George Jennings of this city, through Attorney Joseph G. Woods, has in stituted suit for divorce against Mabel O'Malley Jennings, also Of this city. The papers were served by Constable Fred Wrinkle and the writ is returnable the first Tuesday of November in the superior court
 Jennings and Mabel O'Malley were married in this city on July 24, 1909 He sets forth in his complaint that she has been guilty of adultery on occasions between September 1, 1928 and October IS and that she has been habitually incorporate for one year previous to the issuance of the writ. He claims that she has also been guilty Of intolerable cruelty between July 1. 1920, and the date of the writs issuance.
 The plaintiff claims a divorce and custody Of three minor children.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
Fatal Shooting Affray
 In Prohibition Raid

Athens, Ohio, Oct. 21 R-Law- renee Bolton, 25, was shot and killed last night by a party of prohibition officers led by Harry A. Sines, Nel- sonville, during a raid on the home of Eli Braton at Albany, near here.
 When they went to search 'sus- picious looking car" parked outside, the machine started up and on their command to stop they were fired upon, the officers said. They shot at the tires to stop the automobile and were unaware they had hit any one. Later the machine was found in Albany with Bolton dead at the wheel A revolver was found in his pocket, but it had not been dis charged. The dry officers declared there were other men in the ma chine who did the shooting and who abandoned the dead driver. Brat ton was arrested for possession of liquor.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
City Items

arionettes-Central Junior High School, Thurs. Oct. 21.-advt.
 Mrs. Elizabeth Kitson of 61 Wells street is a guest of relatives in De- troit.
 st. Joseph's parish society will hold a meeting at the parish hall this evening.
 New Britain Review, No. il, W. B. A. will meet tomorrow evening at Eagles hall. Business of importance will be transacted followed by a whist and social for members.
 The police were notified today of the suspension of the operators license of Sylvester Roszko of 121 Pennington avenue.
 A daughter was born at New Britain General hospital yesterday to MT. and Mrs. Roger Whitman of 667 Corbin avenue.
 The regular meeting of the Cath olic Daughters of America will be held in Judd's hall at 8 o'clock this evening. A social will follow the business meeting. All members wishing to bowl will meet at Rogers at GAS o'clock.
 Unusual sale of hats at s195 and s2.95 Friday and Saturday at French Hat Shoppe, Arcade.-advt.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21

gestion, heartburn and dizzy spells that would make him blind. He says: "Whatever I ate caused miser- able hours of suffering. My nerves were in such 8 wretched state I could not sleep nights.
 q was always tired, and tried everything in the search for relief. Then I read of how Tanlac had helped others, so decided to give it a chance to bring me relief. It met with every need in my case. I am on my fourth bottle and again feel like my old self. I eat everything without pain. enjoy good nights sleep and get up feeling fine. Tanlac deserves a lot of credit"
 This amazing tonic made from roots. barks and herbs helps build up weak bodies, relieve causes of pain. Ask your druggist for your first bottle today.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
TEN ADMIT GUILT
Five Others Are Not Guilty By Court Order in Alien Smuggling Trial at Boston.

Five Others Are NOI Gullty By
 Court Order in Alien Smuggling
 Trial at Boston.
 Boston, Oct. 21 R-Directed yer diets of not guilty against five de- fendants and change of pleas to guilty by ten others brought to a sudden lose today the trial of IT members of the crew of the British steamer Pinar Del Rio in federal court here for smuggling aliens. Two had pleaded guilty yesterday.
 Testimony had been given of the smuggling aboard of 40 Chinese and Spaniards while the ship lay at Matanzas. Cuba, their confinement for F hours in the cramped space of the propeller shaft alley and then in a pitch-black empty water bal last tank until they were landed in Boston. Most of the aliens were captured by officers suspicious 0, the Massachusetts cabs filled with Chinese and Spaniards which they saw in Connecticut and New Jersey.
 The five discharged on directed verdcts were Chief Engineer John Harding. Chief Steward William T. Garnet, Second Steward Rufus King (the only American) mess boy, Lewis Bell and boatswain, Anthony Les.
 Sentences on the other 12 were to be pronounced later.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
French Franc Today Is
 Rising Up Steadily

Paris, Oct. 21 CR - Reacting to the favorable course of the New York market, the French franc rose steadily on the Paris Bourse during the day and closed at 32.9O to the dollar and 159.70 10 the pound sterling, the highest quota tion in months.
 The improvement was attributed in official circles to enforced selling of foreign currencies and securities by French taxpayers to meet bills just issued.
 The result of the recent radical party convention at Bordeaux, seemingly to guarantee a long lease of life to the Poincare cabi- net, is also thought to have con- tributed a favorable influence.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
USES BASEBALL BAT TO
 ENFORCE HIS OBJECTIONS
New London Father Yields Club Against Man With His
 Daughter.

New London, Oct. 21.-Paternal re- sentiment against the attentions of young man 10 a daughter nearly led to a second tragedy within three days here last night when James Romano, 25, was knocked uncon- scious by q baseball bat said to have been wielded by Joseph AIicheli father of Mary AIicheli, IT, with whom Romano was walking on Montauk avenue.
 They were accosted by Micheli, who expressed his disaproval of his daughters keeping company with Romano. AIichen was carrying baseball bat which without warning he swung at Romano's head The blow felled Romano and Micheli fled. A few minutes later, Romano was revived by Miss Micheli.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
Special Notice

Tea and Food Sale tomorrow. : to 8 ?. m.. St. Marks Parish House. Auspices of the Woman's Auxiliary, -advt.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
Verdict Set Aside by
 Judge in S3,0OO Suit

Bridgeport, Oct. 21-Judge L. P. Waldo Marvin in the superior court today set aside the verdict of jury rendered June 25th in a trial over which he presided, which awarded damages of $3,00O to Leopold Schneider of Norwalk against Rob- ert o. Raymond and Deotate S. Davenport, also of Norwalk, The suit was for the loss of an eye by a premature blast. In setting aside the verdict Judge Marvin holds that the plaintiff was equally guilty of negligence.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21

READ HERALD CLASSIFIED ADS
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
CITY MUST PAY S75,OO0
 IN STATE ASSESSMENTS
Receives Notice of Amounts Due Connecticut For State and
 Military Taxes

Apportionment of the state and military taxes has been made by the state board of control and New Britain is called upon to pay S62,- 375.O2 into the former account and S12,633.49 in the latter. Payment of these bills by November 10. is re- nlIirpd
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
PRANK ENDS IN ARREST

Four boys. aged about II, were caught by Seargent P. A. McAvay shortly before midnight last night after one of them had been pushed through a window in a hall at 59 Arch street by his companions. They went up Walnut street and were caught on Court street. They agreed to pay for the broken window. They said they are pin boys in a bowling alley.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
Merchant Regains Health
Suffering From Dizzy Spells, h. digestion, Loss of Sleep, Restor- cd To Good Health by TanIac.

Everyone who has the tremend- ous responsibility of supporting Q family knows tn
 value of goo health. It Is life For a year. Louis Porter, a we'll known Worcester. Mass, merchant 28 Woodford St. suffered from iOdi-
New Britain herald., 1926-10-21
FOR SHEER BRAVERY

An acrobat recently walked along a tight-rope stretched high above Paris street. Many fearless pedes- trians made the journey across on the ground.-Humorist.