Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-08-01
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.


~ GOD morning" said the
valet de chambre, as I
Y stepped from my room In
~ Paris.
Good morning" I an
swered pray accept FIVE francs"
Good morning, sir said the
maitre d'hotel. as / passed down the
corridor, "a lovely morning, sir"
$50 lovely" / replied. that must
at once ask you to accept ten francs
on the strength of it."
"A beautiful day, monsieur, said
the head waiter, rubbing his hands,
II trust that monsieur has slept well =
80 WELL" l answered, that mon
sieur must absolutely insist on your
accepting twenty francs on the spot.
Come, don't deny me. This is a per-
sonal matter. Every time / sleep /
simply have to give money away"
Monsieur is most kind"
Kind? l should think not. If the
valet de chambre and the maitre
d'hotel and the chef de service and
the others of the ten men needed TO
supply me with Is cents worth of cof-
fee, could read my heart, they would
find it an abyss of the blacklist hatred.
Yet they take their handful of
change-great grown men dressed up
in monkey suits of black at 3 In
the morning--and bow double for it.
If they tell you it is a warm morn
ing, you must give them two francs.
If YOU ask the time, it costs you two
francs more. If you want a real gen.
uine burst of conversation, it costs
anywhere from a franc to a franc
and half word.
Such is Paris all day long. Tip,
tip, tip, till the brain is weary, not
with the cost of 1t, but with the
arithmetical strain.
No pleasure is perfect. Every rose
has it's thorn. The thorn of the Pa
risian holiday-maker Is the perpetual
necessity of handing out small gratu-
tiles to a set of overgrown flunkies
too lazy to split wood.
Not that the amount of the tips, all
added together, is anything serious.
No rational man would grudge 1t IL
it could be presented in a bill as a
lump sum at breakfast time every
morning and done with it for the day.
But the incessant necessity or
handing out small tips of graded
amounts gets on ones nerves. 1t is
necessary in Paris to go round with
enough money of different denomina-
lions in ones pocket to start bank.
This one must distribute to cabmen,
walters, news-venders. beggars, any
body and everybody, in fact, that one
has anything to do with.
Morning, noon and night the visitor
is perpetually putting his hand into
his side pocket and pulling out francs.
He drips francs all day in an unend-
ing stream You enter a French the
alter. You buy a program, 20 q think
centimes, and francs more to the
man who sells it. You hand your coat
and cane to an aged harry who pre-
sides over what is called the vestiaire,
nav her rs centimes and give her a
franc or two.
You are shown to your seat by an
other old fairy in dingy black tshe
has a French name, but / forget ~
and give her several more. Just think
ofEthe silly business of 1t. Your ticket,
If II is a good seat in good theater,
has cost YOU about $3.50. One. would
almost think the theater could anord
70 throw in so cents worth of harpies
for the sake OF international good
will
similarly, in your hotel, you ring
the hell and there appears the valet
de chanbre, dressed in a red waist
cnat and a coat effect of black tat
feta. You tell him that you want
hath. "Bien. moncieur.' He will
fetch the maitre d'hotel. Oh, he will,
will he. how good of him. but really
one can't witness such kindness on
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