The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-02-04
SMILIN' THU
ode GUILTY ALLus DoDGEs."
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1926 by Gordon Cooper

Finances in pretty bad shape at the Antioch
African Baptist Church, South Doc Bloom, the pastor
cudgeng his brains for scheme to relieve the
situation The average total of collections at each
vice had been down to the dsgracefully low ebb of
about $500 His pay accordingly Forthcoming only
in little drbbes, and about four months
due him.
OFF de ghos doan walk purity de sheriff gwine
be campn' nah dostep," he mumbed to himself as
he thought of the grocery bill he owed, the overdue
instaments the piano and the "funnygraph" not to
mention the "ten magnificent Volumes of Bible Lore
knowledge" which smooth-tongued book agent had
talked him into buying at the insignificant sum of fifty
cents week for only one hundred weeks and which
he couldn't read.
"Yassuh, eff de OF ghos' doan walk purity quick
de consterbule gwne take me fer ride an faint
gwine be in taxcab neitherl" And he forgot his
work he settled in thoughtful mood into the body
of his wheelbarrow the campus of Mercer Univer-
sity where he was gardner during week days His
trowe dropped listessy in his hand he sat with
far away stare in his eyes.
He brought out of his reverie by Professor
Mount, who crossing the campus. DAY dreaming
Doc ?" he inquired good -naturedly
Doc started from his absorbed contemplation of the
root of all evil" rather guilty. then grnned his vel
come when he who had accosted him.
"You started guilty of the students
at an examination l gave this morning." Professor
continued II made the announcement at the be-
ginning of the examination that had to believe
that member of the class using unfair methods
Oats too bad" Doc sympathized, shaking his head
sadly. "Who de boy?"
THAT'S the funny part of it," replied Professor
Mount 81 didn't have anybody in mind just men
toned it as a warning than anything else. But
after the examination there different men,
bers of the class who made it point to come to my
office and assure that if had any suspicious about
them that they absolutely unfounded-that they
had never been guilty of "crbbng" in the least in
stance
Doc opened his mouth for reply, then shut it
spasmodicay. His eyes grew big he considered this
strange bit of psychology, (Which he didn't know by
that name however)
Finally, Oats hit!" he exploded he smote his
knee with a gnarled hand. Oats hit! OATS de trick
fer ter play dat stingy congergashun o mine!"
Professor Mount regarded him curiously what do
you meant" he inquired
Docs eyes glistening as he eagerly explained
his worry about getting his church members to
contribute freely. can dat trick yo' played on
de boys is de vey trick All got ter play nah conger
gashun ter make EN- shell out de money" He ex-
planned his plan and when Professor Mount left him it
was with chucke asking Doc to let him know how
it worked.
The next Sunday morning when Doc in his
pulpit to the collection he GRATED in SON.
orous and solemn tones
"Breddren an sstren! Hit gibes great pain
ter stan befo' yo dis mawnn an tell yo' dat repohts
is comm ter dat some O. de membahs O. dis con-
gergashun is strayin' frum de paths O. recttude an
righteousness! Deys chicken stealth gwine on! Deys
houses de white folks whar some o de membahs
wIEsI - =
"Ah tells yo' Breddren an Sistren dat hits scand
lousl But de shepehrd O. de flock is got ter look out
fer de wanderin sheep! An Abs de sheperd an yo's
de sheep! An whuts mo-, All knows who's de guilty
parties, but All doan want ter 'em go ter Jail eff
All kin hep hit
"By rights All oughta go ter de perlice an tell
em whar dey kin rest de guilty, but All doan want ter
do dat! Nawsuh All wants ter take O. nah own!
But eff All pertecks yo, den yo got ter show yo graft
tude by contrbitn OBJ yo substance ter de house OBJ
de Lawd!
Nov de Breddren is gwne pass de election plate!
An eve'y guilty party is gwine put dollar bill in
hit An any guilty party whit doan put dat dollar bill
in de election plate Abs gwine ter de perlice an tell
'em who yo' is an whar yo' is, an let de law take
hits cou'se A word ter de wise is sufficient! Bred
dren pass de plates"
Early next morning Doc stuck grnnng coun-
tenance into Professor Mounts office. "H wuhked lax
cha'm," he called out. "De election plates jes
piled up wild money! Besides all de change dey
sevumty five dollar bills, an dey note frum
brudder whut begged me not ter TELL cause e didn't
hab money wild im but dat ed bring hit ter me
ternightt"