davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
IF THE BOSS PLAYED GOLF LIKE HE WORKS IN THE
 OFFICE,

otJlN l.
 Umagined By F.. T. Gonzales.)
 Caddie-Aren't you going to hit the ball, sir?
 Bess-Tell Smith and Jenkins to come over here for a conference. smith, what do you think about me hitting the ball under existing condi- tions?
 Smith--Well, sir
 Boss-Don't argue with me, Don't you dare argue with me. l won't have it, Take the following letter, Jenkins: Gentlemen: Yours of 3rd inst, at hand, and in reply to same will say that l will hit the ball-Jen- llins, what do you think about this anyway? Your opinion is highly val uable to me.
 Jenkins-I think 1t would be a good idea 10 go ahead and hit'it, sir.
 Boss-Shut up. I'll do as l darned please, Who are you to talk to me 1 like that? I don't need advice. Well guess I'll hit the ball. Hand me the butter. boy,
 Caddie-But. please sir, you surely don't want the butter! You mear the driver,
 Boss-Shut up, You're fired, EoI too, Jenkins, you laughed just theI out you go, You're fired, too Smith-get out Will somehod, please take this dictation? Gentle men: Yours of Srd, inst. at han' and contents duly noted. In reply t same, will say-Oh, never mind It's five o'clock and time to go homo
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
TOWN TOPICS

IoN ~ IoI hNs' Uriah s. Ahern became Engaged to Mary Shea; She was so puffed up you would think
 She owned the L. g. A.
 Howard Parker. Why did I marry Nell I. Platt?'' The groom repeated: Well, you see That seemed to me the only way That 1 could get a x. I. P.'
 Arthur x, Plass.
  Rudolph A. Greenhill does not dare To fight his little wife, for she Will bite him any place she can; That's how SHE chews the R. A. G.
 Wallace M. Bayliss. When Susie Andrews said she'd wed Young Davis, she did not foresee That in the life she'd live with him She always would be S. 4. D.
 Carolyn E. Higgson. When Peter Upham Grant was wed Hell lead a dogs life" people said That did not bother him, for he Has always been a P. |. G.
 Talbot II. Westover.
  A preachers girl is Nan. O. Taft; Folks say shes good as she can be But don't ask me to testify For l know she Is N. o, T.
 Rev. l.. r. T.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
OWES LIFE ID HIS LOVE 0F LEMONADE
Ambassador Lane Sought by Bandits, Stopped for Drink

San Antonio, Texas. Sept 24 P@ Arthur Lane, secretary of the Ameri- can embassy in Mexico, owes his life to his thirst for a lemonade, as it was Lane and not Jacob Rosenthal, New York business man, bandits sought when the latter was kidnap- ped and later murdered, according to Joseph Ruff, the slain mans son. in-law.
 Ruff and his cousin. Lucian Ruff, passed through San Antonio today Ten route to New York city with Ro- senthal's body.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Hiram Quit: Yep, we eet in de resterant next to de'pawn shop, and my Pop always pawns his hat be- fore he goes in becaws he don't halter pay sutch a big intrust to de pawnbroker as he does to de hat check gerls."
 Fletcher: Tell us all about it, using the word 'doughnut.' Hiram Quit:
 You kin tip me if you wanter,' Says de hat check goil. you see My boss has dis consesshun, An he gits de doufhnut me-
 Carl NJ. Magic. Copyright, 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden.)
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
SCHWAB WINS SIS

Chicago, Sept. 24 LP - Charles NJ. Schwab, steel magnate, is SIS richer because of his policy of being for the underdog." He won the money from newspaper report CTS who last night reported his ad- dress before the American Society for Steel Treating convention, whom he forced to give odds of three to one and bet them Gene Tunney would win.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
MISS GABANY SHOWERFD

A miscellaneous shower was ten dered Miss Helen Gabany Of East Berlin at the home of her sister, Mrs. X. H. Rochette Of 76 Austin street, last evening. A number of friends of Miss Gsbany from the order department of the Stanley Works office were present and she was the recipient Of many gifts. Games were played and refresh ments served, Miss Gahany will become tho bride of John Guman next Wednesday,.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Come on Folks, To The Fun Roast! Corn-reasts are popular this time of
 year, But why net a. fun-roast? The Beach
 of Good Cheer Is the best place for ceeking up
 jokes on this earth. Let's serve 'em red hot with the
 butter of mirth!
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
IN KLASS AT KRAZY KOLLEGE
 (Couductcd By Judy)

Teacher: MT. Tottle, what is your idea in taking q course in agri- culture?"
 Harris Tottle: T want to raise my own corn and make my own whiskey."
 Teacher: "Oh then it's course In jagriculture you're taking, eh? We can't allow such things in THIS college, so, If you want to stay. you better change your intentions-if you know what intentions means"
 Harris Tettle:
 We all despise a drunken bum, We know that danger lies in rum; Nine men in ten the fight will lose, And yet not one intentions booze"
 Manuel Heaslip.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
COSTS OF RUNNING CITY GOVERNMENTS

Connecticut are being analysed - financially speaking - and com parisons are being made.
 Thus we find that the net debt of New Britain in 1925 was s1l.so per capita. This is figured on the cjty's funded or fixed debt, less sinking fund assets.
 The city's per capita debt is not the highest in the state and not the lowest Thus we find that the per capita debt of Hartford is s9S.1S; and only s5S.Ss in New Haven. In Stamford the per capita debt Is ss4.79. These are the only Connecticut cities so far reported upon. They were reported upon ahead of the others because their financial reports are definite and in shipshape condition.
 But there is another important point: The per capita cost of city government.
 The city government of New Britain cost s29.15 per capita in 1925.
 Hartfords city government cost was s49.67 - the only city in Con- necticut which has reported low CT cost per capita in 1925 than In 1924. New Ravens was s33.23;
 Stamford's s41.55.
 Of course. per capita cost of city government depends upon what particular population estimate II
 is based upon. This leaves consid- erable leeway for the various cities. If the maximum estimate for New
 Britain is used, the per capita cost of government is only s2l,1@, ana
 one report of press association
 gives that figure.
 And 1t so happens that the fed
 eral government does not use the
 same system for making popula-
 ton estimates as the state; and the
 nolice department and city direc-
 tory people also have their own
 particular system. An estimate, therefore, Is only an estimate; but
 the foregoing figures no doubt are approximately correct.
 New Brtain's per capita revenue
 receipts are the lowest Of any oi . the cities so far reported upon - sS9.S7. Har,ford's per capita reve' nue was $50.69: New Hayen'' s42.29. and Stamford S5G.So. s High per capita revenue mean' high taxes
 | Comparisons with the cost O
 living in New York arc at least in , teresting as showing the difference f between conditions in the nation D metropolis and the City of Mail S streets" as New Britain might b. l called.
 0 Each man. woman and child il - Manhattan paid s2l,12 more io . the support of their city govern [ mcnt than the people of Ney
 Britain. The general running eX I pcnse in New York averaged $50, E 2 per capita; the debt per capit c in the metropolis was s212.76. II Property taxes in New Tor - averaged S53.23 per capita com s pared with property taxes of s3o S 45 per capita in New Britain. y Contrary to the general belle q the per capita cost of city govern Il mcnt does not increase in propol
 tiou 70 the increase or populatio Q Of city. Many Of the larger cite q of the country have lower costs tt government per capita than tn q smaller cities -- but not New Tor l. City. Buffalo N. r., with popul9 a ion far lower than New York, ha rl the high per capita operating coi Ic Of S5l.o5, or nearly dollar D, of head higher than in Manhatta D. What Buffalo gets for it's money lr not stated. Perhaps it's politician
 could throw some light on tl l. question.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
uenber Audit Bureau of Circulation.

Member Audit Bureau of Circulation. The A. B. c. |, a national orsahizauon which furnishes newspapers and edFer. :. tt.er, with a strictly honest ahaIysis ol .i,cuIa,ion. Our circulation statistics are based upon this audit. This 'nsures rreteetIon againr. fraud in newspaper sIrribution fgT ss to both national ana local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
Note This Well, Folks.

Pa, what is Gold Digger?" "A Gold Digger, my son, is flap ped who has specialized in Buyoio- gy."
 Mother R.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Still the world has produced many great men whose mothers were jig norant of child-training methods.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Americansm: Getting a kick out of pride of possession because you've paid a dollar down.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
Cnentliused.

Gilbert: T will love you in De cember as I do in May. Grace: Well, your May loyin wasn't anything extra"
 -Bettina Studney.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Why not just set aside the first Tuesday after the first Monday in December for investigations?
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

The only profitable advertising nealuIh |, tns CIty. Circulation books and preE room always open to advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

League members are those nations that haven't yet had decisten made against them.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Just why can't the ladies sit in mems laps In crowded street cars as in fiivvers?
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
FoctsandFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

Our ld-fashioned notion Is that weman's place In a lap is in the home only.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

rh, Herald is on sale daily in New yark at Holdings Newsstand, Times sauare; schutz's Newsstands' Sntrahee 6f.nd Central, 42ud Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

There are about 2s,s42 sins, all of which have their root in selfish ness.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

If he feels no urge to walk faster and pass the fellow in front, he's a born pedestrian.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

The reason conservatives hold office longer than radicals is because Americans cant stay mad.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
usuhs, of tho Associated PreAt.

Member of the Associated ffehh' The Associated Press is e1elusNey en- titled to the use for republication or ,I news credited to 1t or not othsi~se credited tn this paper and also loeei nsxs published therein.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Correct this sentence: "He slept in his underwear until he was thir- ty." said the man, and then he got rich; but he never spoke scornfully of the common people"
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Still, if Jeddu Krishuamurti were inspired from on high, would he real ly need a woman manager?
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Hero: A man who Is excited enough to forget how scared he is.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

A cause, with capital C, is just conviction somebody has been kicking on the shins.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

TELEPHONE CALLS
 Business Of-iee ... sgs Editorial Rooms ... s-s
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

One way to punish the kids for being out late is to make them go to bed without their breakfast.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
KRAZY KINDERGARTEN
(Condueted By Judy. Jr.) )

ICOnnUtIcU By JUuS' ST'1 Fletcher; Hi, old top, do you ever eet In ens Of those big down town resterant5?"
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

yn..r.1 .t the Pest once at New Britain s, Second Class Mall Matter.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

The first cool days would be much more welcome if 1t wasn't for the smell Of moth balls.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
@>&sIs [as;W;5z!aeb
 AxSoN E0hlu AnU

Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care Of the New
 Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

SUBSCRIPTION RATES tlsa Tear.
 tf.as Three MonthL
 Tge. 6 Month.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

Sufficient epitaph: Everybody called him dad"
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

It's still an unused car' until the agent demonstrating it has to put on a new set of tires.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

And twenty years ago a man who got winked at was being yamped.
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24
New Britain Herald
sEaAIp PuBLIsHIso CoMFAN'

I,,ssa Daily tsan5sy ESesptedl At H.ra,d Bldg. s7 Church Street
New Britain herald., 1926-09-24

The part of living that is getting cheaper is the part that concludes before 10 ?. m.
The Winslow mail., 1926-06-04

their toilsome labors day after
day, month after month, have made
them fit mates and comrades to the
men in the trenches and on the
seas"
There are many men who are
afraid that the adoption of this
plan by Congress would give an
impetus to socialism or commun-
ism or sovietism or whatever they
may call it, because, they say, eff
time there will be demand that
it be done in peace time" 1t can
not be done in peace time. There
can be no great undertaking with
out a strong moving cause. In
peace time the moving cause Is
personal initiative and payment for
services performed. The substitute
for that in war time is the common
danger.
The War Industries Board was
the foremost advocate of price fix
ing and distribution, and it had
great power in this field, but when
the Armistice came it recognized
that peace conditions were being
restored, and it was the first to
! change the war time order Of
| things and to leave to the people
themselves the readjustment of
| their affairs. / am satisfied that 1t
is impossible for the government
to do in peace time what am ad-
vocating, although it becomes alb
solutely necessary in order to
conduct modern war successfully
and to conduct it on a non-profit-
eering basis.
The application of this plan, be-
sides making the nation a coherent
| unit in time of war, would impress
/ upon every class in society sense
of it's own responsibility in such
event. If it we're known that this
universal responsibility would be
enforced, no class social. finan-
! cial or industrialEcould fail to
understand that in case Of war 1t
would have to bear its share of the
burdens involved and would have
to make sacrifices of profit, con.
venience and personal liberty cor
relatively with those made by the
soldiers in the field. To this
extent the plan would act as a
positive deterrent to any hasty re-
course to force in an international
controversy.
One thing that has definitely
come from the war is the neces-
sity of arranging affairs so that a
portion of the population shall not
be sent to the front to bear all the
physical hardships and their con-
sequences while others are left be-
hind to profit by their absence. If
applied at the outbreak, the War
Industries Board Gas it was func-
tioning at the close of the World
War) would prevent this and les
sen, if not removes the social and
economic evils that come as the
aftermath Of war.
The Winslow mail., 1926-06-04

day morning at a point down
town, from which point they drove
to the cemetery, where the graves
of Porter G. Ewing, Joseph Gro
zier, Francis Heron, Russell E.
Lindsey and Elmer Cundiff were
decorated.
After the Legion men had gath
cred at the foot of the new flag
pole, the tall mast was dedicated
in a speech by Paul Geary, with
appropriate ceremonies. After the
f1ag-raising, and the invocation by
the chaplain, the entire group re-
turned to the church.
Major Shipley's subject was,
Memorial Day in The Heart of a
Mother" Rev. Walsh, in his talk.
stressed the futility of war, and
especially the fact that the high
ideals which are used as levers for
promoting wars are never attained
in the outcome.
The Winslow mail., 1926-06-04
Taking The Profit
Out of War
Continued from Page g.

district that there could be I'M
mediately reported to Washington
tine name of any shoe retailer who
did not carry out the regulations of
the War Industries Board as to
price and quality. Through restric-
tions on his labor, money, raw
materials and transportation no
manufacturer would have been per-
mitted to sell to any dealer violat-
ing the regulations. The Armistice
stopped the execution of this plan.
Another plan of this nature: The
manufacturers of mems and wo-
mems wearing apparel had in 1918
been called to Washington, to-
gether with the retailers Of various
goods, and notified that regulations
would have to be made in regard
to retail prices and standardiza-
ton Of lothing.
The Rulings by the board we're
made known through the issuance
OF official bulletins at irregular in
tervals and were widely distributed
by the press, which co-operated in
this most necessary work with a
whole-hearted purpose that gave to
the orders of the War Industries
Board the instant and broad cir
culation they required.
Mr.. Hoover already was doing
much to perfect his control of food
products and prices. There was
also talk of fixing rents, and in
some cities this was done.
If we were to start, in the event
Of another war, at the place where
we - ere industrially when the
World War ended, the President,
acting through an agency similar
to the War Industries Board, would
have the right to fix prices of all
things as of a date previous to the
declaration of war when there was
a fair peace time relationship
among the various activities of the
nation. 1t would be illegal to buy.
sell, serve or rent at any other than
these prices. Brakes would be ap-
piled to every agency of imitation
before the hurtful process started.
An intelligent control Of the flow
of men, money and materials
would be imposed, instead of hav-
ing the blind panic heretofore en-
suing on the first appearance of
the frantic demands Of war. The
Draft Board would have before it
the rulings of the priority commit
tee, together with the estimated
needs of every business and pro-
fession in it's relationship to the
conduct of the war, and meu would
be selected accordingly. The Draft
Board could more intelligent1y de-
eide, with the advice of the priority
committee, many of the problems
with which it would be faced.
There would be no sending of men
to the trenches who were needed
for expert industrial war work and
then aringing them back again.
Businesses not necessary to the
The Winslow mail., 1926-06-04

winning of the war would be cur
tailed. The Draft Board would
have that information before it.
The prices Of all things being
fixed, the price fixing committee
would make any necessary adjust
ments, as was done during the war.
Under the system used in 1918
these prices were made public and
adjusted every three months, so
that any consumer or producer had
his day in court when he consid-
cred prices unfair. Those who
complained that during the war
prices were too high had this
ready recourse to hand.
In the meantime all the indus
tries of the country would have
been modified by the formation
of committees representative Of
each industry, as was done in the
World War. Over them would be
placed a government director or
commodity chief. The various gov
ernment departments would ap-
point committees representing their
requirements, so that on one COM
mittee the resources of the nation
would be represented and on the
other the demands of the govern
ment The government director
would stand between to decide, in
conjunction with the priority COM
mittee, to what department sup
plies should go.
Money would be controlled and
directed like any other resource
Taking the profit out of war" is
not synonymous with "conscrip-
tion of wealth." as it is sometimes
regarded The latter is a theoreti-
cal project, prohibited by our Con
stitution, contrary to the spirit or
our social and political institutions,
and impossible in practice. TAX
ing the profit out of war is an or
derly and scientific development of
the economics and conduct of mod
ern war, necessary to the effective
mobilization of national resources
ana indispensable to equalizing the
burdens of war among the armed
and civilian population. Born of
experience and proved by practice,
it removes some of the most de-
structive concomitants of modern
war-the confusion and waste Incl
dent to war time imitation.
This term "conscription of
wealth." used by so many, has
created hope among those of
socialistic tendencies, and a fear
among those who, like me, believe
in our system based upon personal
initiative and reward, of a taking
of money, without payment, for the
use of State. Neither the hope nor
the fear is justified by the recon-
mendation herein contained or by
our experience in the war. The
use of money should be controlled
and directed in a national emer-
gency. A man should no more be
permitted to use his money as he
wishes than he should be permitted
to use the production of his mine,
mill or factory except through the
general supervising agency. This
was being done toward the end of
the war.
During the final phase of the
The Winslow mail., 1926-06-04
PAY
TRIBUTE TO DEAD
ON MEMORIAL DAY

Paying tribute to the buddies
who have gone west" Frank Per-
kins Post of the American Legion
Sunday held their customary sim
pie but impressive ceremonies for
Memorial Day. Exercises at the
cemetery during the early part of
the morning were followed by a
Memorial Day service at the Epis
copal church, with Rev. Tracy
Walsh and Major Shipley were the
speakers.
A representative gathering of
Legionnaires assembled early Sun
The Winslow mail., 1926-06-04

World War no man or corporation
or institution could raise money
without the approval of the Capt.
tai Issues Committee of the Treas
ury Department, which committee
in turn would not permit the bor-
rowing of money unless the War
Industries Board approved the use
to which it was to be- put. Thus
the City of New York was not per-
mitted to spend $8,000,000 for the
building of schools. The City of
Philadelphia was prevented from
making improvements that in
peace time would have been neces-
sary, but in war time were not.
Various states, counties and cities,
and vast number of private con-
Germs, were denied the use of
money and materials for purposes
not necessary for the winning of
the war. Each part of the COM
munity had to adjust its wants to
the whole great undertaking.
There have been a great many
bills introduced into Congress on
the subject of industrial mobiliza-
ton, some sponsored by great or
ganizations like the American
Legion, and others by newspapers
and publicists. But it is surprising
how little knowledge there was on
the part of those who drew up the
bills of the practicability and feast
bility of so mobilizing our re-
sources that it would be impossi-
BILE to make as much profit in war
as in time of peace. Take into
consideration the fact that the fol
lowing things were being done in
1915
General Crowder, who was in
charge of the draft, had asked the
chairman of the War Industries
Board where he could obtain addi-
tional men needed for the Army in
France with the least possible dis
location of the war making indus
trial civilian machinery, and we
were in the process Of replacing
male labor with women. BY a sys-
tenn of priorities the Board was
allocating to our own Army and
Navy, to the Allies and to the es-
sential war industries the things
they required. 1t was making
priority rulings as to transporta-
ton, and they we're being followed
out by the Railroad Administrator.
The Fuel Administrator distributed
fuel only on the rulings Of the War
Industries Board. The board was
engaged in disentangling and re-
moving the many conflicts and
competitive efforts involved in la
Dor and buildings that had previ-
ously occurred because of lack Of
any co-ordinating agency. 1t was
allocating power and making regu-
lations for the hitching up of scat
tered units Of power. 1t was
changing munitions orders from
congested to less congested dis
tricts. 1t had actually carried into
effect an order that no building in
volving $4,000 or more could be
undertaken without the approval
of the War Industries Board. No
steel, no cement. no material of