Evening star., 1926-04-11
Continued from First Page.)

presume to be.
Mr.. Spokesman, wish to ash
whether you favor or oppose mora
turpitude?" President Bergman wa:
asked.
There's nothing new about mora
turpitude," President Bergman,
spokesman" replied. II can add lit
iect during the past 1000 years. II
line with my policy of economy, l be
lieve that a little moral turpitude goes
a long way
Relief From. Not for. Farmer.
Are you in favor of relief for the
American farmer" the next reporter
inquired.
'On that point I favor relief from
the American farmer not for him
however, / believe that patriotism re
quires that farming shall continue"
The reporters became disgruntle(
at the evasion of the spokesman.
Their questions became more imperti
nent
I'm vew Of your very clear state
ment on that point" one said sarcas
tically. perhaps you will tell us
whether you believe that boxing is a
legitimate part Of college life?"
Il hIlcW JOLlIl oCIHlbSSy WUeH IS
was at Harvard and I am sorry that
Madison Square Garden was torn
down" the Spokesman" returned
adding. "the bouts there in 1924
pleased me and I have been much
gratitied at the Marquis of Queens
berry assuming the presidency of the
League of Nations"
On the Eighteenth Amendment.
Having learned nothing from the
inquiry more direct one was asked:
What is your attitude toward the
eighteenth amendment"
THAT matter has not been brought
to my attention." the spokesman"
declared. "See the Treasury about
that"
IF MuSsolini comes to America will
you greet him in a black shirt"
That's as simple as the multiplied.
ton table" he said. THE past five
years have been like an earthquake.
We are living in a commercial age. !
think that answers your question"
A Siamese Twin.
The spokesman" then turned lee
turer.
II want to say right here" he be-
gan, that there Is too much partisan
ship in your questions. My admins
tration intends to enforce patriotism,
not partisanship When you support
me and my policies. that Is patriotism.
When you ask me embarrassing ques-
tions, that is partisanship."
The harrangue was interrupted by
member saying:
I'VE came here TO get information
from the presidential spokesman and
we haven't learned a thing Now you
start making a political speech. We
wont stand for 1t. You are the spokes-
man for the president of the Gridiron
Club but we want to see the preSi-
dent
II am the spokesman for the presi-
dent and l am the president" Berry
man replied. II am a Siamese twin
Of myself"
The interview terminated in the
presentation Of the gavel to President
Bergman.
George Washington's Lament.
The George Washington of the grid
iron tableaux lamented melodiously:
l fought King George up at Valley
Forge
So that YOU might be happy and free
y
of men
Who declaim and denounce and
decree.
You condescend to change and amend
The law that you will not obey.
We threw over tea to help our cause
You dump over liquor and pass more
laws:
From John Quincy Adams to Charles
G. Dawes
You've travelled long, long way.
Thomas Jefferson's animated por
trait had little but scorn for the cur
rent policies of the political party he
founded. He sang to the "Ruddigore'
air:
My eyes are fully open to an awful
situation.
So I've come from Monticello TO ue
liver an Grafton:
For the Democratic party seems to
droop and pine and languish
And the prospect of the future fills
my soul with pain and anguish.
The Southern States are all concerned
with maps and mushroom
millionaires
And politics and Presidents are
somehow least of all their cares.
A word or two of sound advice THEN
confidence would shatter.
But they haven't any issues, so il
really doesn't matter.
Great Chief Justice Protests.
The portrait of the Great Chief
Justice" came to life to protest agains'
tinkering with the Constitution he up
held as a sacred institution. AleXan
der Hamilton resented rhythmicallS
the attempts to rate Andrew w. Mel
lon as the greatest" Secretary of the
Treasury. He sang:
I knew that I would always live Sc
cure in fame and rank,
Although my name was never carved
upon a Pittsburgh bank.
| know why Mr.. Mellon now directs
the ship of state:
They couple Melons name with mine
and that's what makes him great
At the very outset Of the dinner
the guests assembled in the ballroom
of the Willard Hotel were thrown
into something of a panic. Lights
went out, there were sounds Of crash
ing glass and pistol shots as masked
band of bandits, flashing electric
hand lights. entered the room. The
hold-up gang. it developed, desired nc
nurses nor watches. merely was bent
on searching the guests for satirica
loot.
Stearns' Memoirs Sought For.
Excited bidding marked the offering
by the Gridiron Superfeature Syndi
cate of the memoirs of Frank w
Stearns, the Col. House Of the Cool
idge Administration" Reading from
his diary to explain how he had first
met Calvin Coolidge, Stearns related
how on the campus at Amherst g
strong, silent figure" had crossed
his vision. He quoted:
Young man, would you like to bt
g. floorwalker in my store in Boston?
"He eaid nothing.
Would you, perhaps, prefer to b'
Governor Of Massachusetts,? Still m
said nothing.
"'Or would you, indeed, prefer to b.
President of the United States?' Still
...5 tn,,% of NV last OuegtiOO hi