davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-10-03

Mr. WheltOn would not take money
for the straws doled out for clutching
purposes. but he soon found two other
uses for his invention in which his
conscience did not prevent acceptance
of financial return. He began selling
StraWS to the weather bureau and to
sailors. outfielders and golfers, so they
could tell which way the wind was
blowing. And also, along about this
time, the sport of camel hunting be-
came quite popular through New Eng
land. THE ship of the desert was
very good eating as well as sufficiently
interesting. New England camels.
however. were deathly afraid oe
horses, and you had to hunt them on
foot.
And after you had walked miles
and miles for camel and finally
caught up with him, there was no
sure way of bringing him down. He
scoffed at bullets. sniggered over knife
thrusts and turned up his nose at
lethal poisons. After endless expert
menting by the wealthy nimrods of
Beacon street, Brookline and South
Boston, it was found that a straw
would wreak havoc with his vertebrae,
and Mr.. Whelton's fortune was made.
The other invention of that year
was the telephone. They are still try
ing to find the guy.
The FIRST telephone exchange had
only onk number, Central !. AL the
Evening star., 1926-10-03

just happened to come along When
is the bachelor dinner?"
Monday night" | replied.
Better make II Tuesday" said
the stranger, II can't come Monday"
Wait minute" interposed the
messenger boy. aren't you forget
ting me-"
who are you?" asked the
stranger.
II am a potential usher" replied
the messenger boy.
'I'll tell you what let's do" said
Eddie; Tets have a competition"
Where" | asked
In a church." replied Eddie. We
will go to the nearest church and
have a competition and then we can
see who is the best usher"
Yes" said the messenger Roy.
mo" replied the stranger.
You are afraid" said the messen-
ger boy.
II am not" said the stranger. but
would like to know just what sort
of competition this is going to be-"
II will arrange that" said Eddie.
You just leave that to me-"
SO the stranger and the messenger
boy left in the company of Eddie to
find a church.
II think I'll come to your wedding
after ALL" said Walter. at looks
like it's going to he interesting"
(CopvriRht 19o6)
Evening star., 1926-10-03
GROSS EXAGGERATIONS ---- In the Dumb Waiter

Mrs Feitlebaum = WOt 1t con-
seests de fife ponds from lomps witt
bomps! :! ~. Cyl vi yi-I'm fenting. }
So wot was? SO wait, I'll gonna told
you. So was by Oss in de village a
cOicuS witt a conniwal Wot I'm taking
a nep wan hefternoon on banch by
de conniway wot it geeves me hall
from a. sodden a knock in de beck wot
l tutt it fell don on de top from me de
cynical railroad yet. GoOt forbeed. !.
So I heSk: "WOt'S deeS? 2" SO 1t
geeves me a henswer seek gengsters
"A rousing reception. kirro. ~
$50 hesk: rs proheebited maybe
onder de cepitalesstic system slipping
in de conniwal? -
$50 dey geeve me a henswer: of
cuss not, brodder. bot is here a Byooty
Contast wot is in de conniwal a shut
tage from lodges so how you like you
shall be de jodge? y
80 l sad to heem. l sad SO: 'Ho-K
is agribble by me-. Is gung to be
from de contast roolz??'
$50 dey geeve me a henswer: Sure
teeng, kirrO. Wait We'll write you
don roolz yOull ridd dem"
$50 you should hear l rad roolz so:
'Wan-Dun't blung hout de light.
"TWo-In Gaze from fire break
gradually de glezz.
Tree-Stop. Geeve a look. Geeve
a leeSten.
Evening star., 1926-10-03
WELL" HE SAID, AND RECOGNITION BROKE OUT ALL
OVER HIS FACE. WELL! WELL" | REPEATED.

care to go. That was something to
build on.
Presently he began again.
Yes" he said. Il sometimes meet
some of the old boys and they begin
TO talk of YOU and wonder what
you're doing"
Poor things" 1 thought, but I
didn't say it.
l knew it was time now to make a
bold stroke; so l used the method
that I always employ. l struck in
with great animation.
Say | said. where's Billy? Do
YOU ever hear anything of Billy
noW?"
This is really very safe line.
Every old gang has Billy in it.
Yes" said my friend, "sure-Billy
is ranchins out in Montana. / saw
him in Chicago last Spring-weighed
about two hundred pounds-you
wouldn't know him."
NO. l certainly wouldn't l mur'
INJURED.
And where's Pete?" said. This
was safe ground. There is always a
Pete.
You mean B.lly's brother" he said
Yes. yes, Billy's brother Pete. l
often think of him"
oh" answered the unknown man.
"old Pete's quite Changed-settled
down altogether" Here he began to
chuckle. "WhT, Pete's married.
started to laugh. too. Under
these circumstances it is always sup
posed to be very funny if man has
got married. The notion of old Pete
(whoever he isl being married is pre-
sumed to be simply killing. l kept on
chuckling away quietly at the mere
idea of it. l was hoping that l might
Evening star., 1926-10-03

manage to keep on laughing till the
train stopped. l had only so miles
more to go.
Il often meant to write to YOU"
he said, his voice falling to conflden-
tial tone. especially when 1 heard"
l remained quiet. Evidently this
was serious. What had happened to
me? Was it money? And if so, how
much was out? And why had 1 lost
it? / wondered if it had ruined me
or only partly ruined me.
"One can never get over a thing
like that" he continued, solemnly.
Evidently l was plumb ruined. But
l said nothing and remained under
cover, waiting to draw his fire.
Strong and bright to the last.
suppose" he continued. very sym
pathetically.
Yes" l said. falling on sure
ground, for handling a case of death
in these oldtime conversations is
simplicity itself, able to sit up. in
bed and smoke within a few days of
the end
What" he said, perplexed, did
your grandmother-'
My grandmother. That was it,
was ito
Pardon me-" l said. provoked at
my own stupidity; when say
smoked. l mean able to sit up and be
smoked to. habit she had-being
read to. and being smoked to-only
thing that seemed to compose her"
AS said this could hear the rattle
and clatter of the train running past
the semaphores and switch points and
Stacking to a stop.
My friend looked quickly out of the
window.
His face was agitated.
Evening star., 1926-10-03

subscribers had to take that for their
number and when you called up, there
was no telling whom you would get.
Editors note: This is still true to-
day.
authors note: You spoke a full
quartz
There was no rate by the month
each subscriber being charged nickel
per call. 1t made interesting gam
bling, dropping your nickel in the slot
and then waiting to find out who
would answer; if you expected, for
example. to talk to. say, Flo Ziegfeld
and a sweet voice at the other end OF
the line announced This Is Neysa
McMein," or This is Florence ODeni-
shawn" you had the same thrill as
when so to / shot which you have
bet on at the track finishes first. Per-
sonally / always played in tough luck.
would call up Marilyn Miller and get
Haywood Broun; or try for one Of the
Dolly Sisters and obtain Percy Ham,
mond. 1t was an outrage.
The nickel call system lasted until
the repeal of the law preventing wom-
en- from talking to one another. When
women were at length permitted to
call each other up. the company went
into the hands of a telephone receiver
because ii was taking in only five
cents day.
In 1900. Robert Fulton invented and
tried to introduce the automatic or
dial telephone. His invention was
Evening star., 1926-10-03

de momma's you banding dem you
should tsnoop hout latters, ha?
(SMACK) Odder it should be lust de
kizz SO you'll exploit vat maybe witt
nitro gleetzirrin you should be safe
crecter from latter-boxes yat. ha?
SMACK
Looy-FIa, ha-'ats a hot num-
ber..' Well. if his mitts is as big as
his brains he won't have no trouble
Citing in de keyhole wild a pair OF
bOXin' gloves-ha. ha, ha,.
Mr.. Feitlebaum-Aha! You woke
opp alrady, ha, dope? Is feenished by
you de daily slipping seeckness, ha?
so go batter to you fullish price
fighter Wot you meneging heem. he
should make you make denks Gott a
knock in de faze you shouldn't open
for wick de fullish mout, ha?
Mrs. Feitlebaum-Looy, Looy, dunt
stotting opp witt de poppa! Go for de
latter batter.
1sidore-Here it is. / got it, bobba.
It's frob Cdcle Pidcus.
Mrs. Feitlebaum vi yi-Pincus.
Mr.. ebaum--PincuSM
Chorus-PinCus-P
Looy-Ha ha., Me heavy Uncle
Pincus! Better open it in a pail of
water
Mrs. Feitlebaum--Hmmm So where
is de acknowledgements wait I'll
geeVe irregOdleSS a ridd:
Evening star., 1926-10-03

MERICA was now taking its
~ place with the rest of the
IA world in the arts and sciences
4 a and the year 1899 saw two
great inventions, by citizens Of
the United States, which We're uniVer
sally hailed as revolutionary and dar-
ing. The first of these was the inven-
ton OF the straw. by Paul Whelton,
Boston newspaper man. Mr. WheltOn
worked on the paper nights and in the
daytime held a position as lifeguard at
Revere Beach. In those days the At
lantic Ocean in the vicinity of Boston
was way over your head and Revere
bathers were being drowned by the
thousands despite the courage and re-
sourcefulness of Mr.. Whelton and his
two assistants, Nick Flatley and Mel
Webb
The chief lifeguard sat on the beach
day after day, for months and months,
watching the drowners drown and try
ing to figure out what was the matter.
The idea came to him all of a heap.
THE idea came to me all Of a heap"
was the way he afterwards expressed
it,
1t occurred to him all of heap that
as each. drOWner was drowning for
the third time, he seemed to appear to
be tluLCHlIiS. Anu tIleTe WAS HolHl1B
to clutch at!
'If they just had something to
clutch at" thought Mr.. Whelton. and
that night, as he worked at the copy
desk in the newspaper office, he
thought suddenly of straw, and the
problem was solved.
Resigning from the paper. he start
ed the quantity manufacture of straw
and in few days appeared on the
beach with an armload Of the new
commodity. AS each bather came out
of the bathhouse. Mr.. Whelton ap-
preached him in friendly way and
said. smilingly: Have a straw"
Editors note: Haverstraw. New Jer-
sey, is said to have been named after
1Ir. Whelton.)
People kept on drowning, but it
was soon established that there was
less danger If they bathed in straw
stacks than in the ocean.
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Sink Shafts for Oil.

WHY drill holes for oil? Sink
mine shafts instead. says Leo
Ranney, New York engineer. and
then tap the oil with small holes. A
number Of important oil companies
have become interested in this process,
and field tests on a large scale are q
probable development for the near
future.
The present method of sinking wells,
Mr.. Ranney explains, simply makes
holes into the oil-bearing sandstone,
and at best only about one fifth of the
oil flows or is pumped to the surface.
The rest is trapped i'll the cavities Of
the porous rock. By going down to
the Oil-bearing stratum ii is possible to
tap it in large number of places and
thus greatly cut down the distance
necessary for the oil to flow through
the sandstone before it finds an outlet.
Mr.. Ranney's oil mining system con-
templates cutting tunnels not in the oil
rock itself, but in the hard stone either
above or below it, usually below.
From these tunnels small holes would
be bored into the oil stratum at close
intervals. Through these holes pipe
nipples would be inserted and then
connected to pipe lines leading to the
shaft. where the oil would be allowed
to collect in a tank or pool, to be
pumped to the surface. The flow OF
the oil into the collecting pipe system
could be FASTENED by the use OF COM
pressed air or other means.
prominent Government official has
suggested that naval oil reserves could
be converted virtually into under
ground storage tanks by rigging them
with such collection system and then
leaving the field unexploited until ne
cessity should arise to bring out the oil
quickly for use in an emergency.
Evening star., 1926-10-03

Just then Eddie Partridge came
along and joined us.
Hello, Eddie" ! said, this is my
old friend Walter Thompson"
Not Walter Thompson from Seat
tle?" said Eddie.
NO" REPLIED Walter.
That's good" said Eddie. walter
Thompson from Seattle owes me ten
dollars"
Il would pay it," said Walter. only
was just going to spend that
amount on d wedding present"
For whom" | asked.
For YOU" replied Walter.
"Ten dollars won't even pay for
getting out those engraved invita-
tions," | said. ''let alone the overhead
on the wedding itself"
Il am not going to the wedding
said Walter.
at costs just as much" I replied
whether you come or not"
"It doesn't cost you anything"
said Walter.
"Oh, it doesn't, doesn't it?' I said.
mo, it doesn't" replied Walter.
"Say, listen. fellows" broke in
Eddie, Il don't think that is the
way YOU ought to talk about we'd
dingS"
Evening star., 1926-10-03

Whose wedding?" asked a strang-
er who happened to be passing. rs
somebody getting married?"
This gentleman here" replied
Eddie. indicating me.
Have you got all your ushers 2
asked the stranger
Yes" l replied. WHY
"Oh. just asked" said the stranger.
II have been an usher at several
weddings and l thought you might
be in need of one" At the moment
a messenger boy came riding by on
a bicycle and stopped. Are you
Mr.. Gulick?" he asked.
NO" replied.
He looked at the message again.
Are you Mr.. Carpenter-Mr. E. b.
Carpenter?'
NO" replied again.
He squinted at the yellow envelope.
We'll" he said. lit is name some
thing like Gulick or Carpenter"
rs it Stewart" l asked.
His face lightened up. YES" he
replied, that's it," and he gave me
the message.
Say, l wonder if you would let me
use your bicycle for moment" said
the stranger to the boy.
What for?" asked the boy.
That's all right what for" said the
stranger. Don't get fresh"
well. it is the only bicycle I've
got" said the boy.
That's not So" said the stranger.
there is one bicycle for every II peo-
pie in the United States"
II am a thirteenth child" said the
boy:
That's very unlucky," said the
stranger, and with that he rode away.
Il
"HEY, wait minute" called out
IL to him. but it was too late.
whats the matter?" asked Eddie.
Il have just got a telegram" l said.
land one of my ushers is not coming
to the wedding
"Wedding.' said the messenger boy,
"is there going to be wedding?'
Yes l replied.
Marriage is very useful institu-
tion," said the messenger boy, land
should be encouraged"
"Why isn't he coming?" asked
Eddie.
His aunt died" I replieu.
Death often comes at the most un-
expected moments" observed the
messenger boy.
I turned to Walter. will you be
an usher?" I asked.
What are you giving as ushers'
presents?" he demanded.
cuff links" ! replied.
i've got cuff links" replied Walter
These are platinum" ] said.
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Unknown Friend Proves to Be Gamble
In Which the Odds Are Not Disclosed

Great heavens" he said, that S
the junction. I've missed my stop. l
should have got out at the last station.
Say, porter" he called out into the
alleyway, "how long do we stop here?"
Just two minutes, sah," called a
voice back. She's late now. she's S
maxim up tahmr'
My friend had hoped up now and
had pulled out a bunch of keys and
was fumbling at the lock of the suit
case.
III have to wire back or some
thing" he gasped. 'Confound this
lock-my moneys in the suit case"
My one fear now was that he would
fail to get off.
Here" said, pulling some money
the lock. Here's money"
Thanks" he said. grabbing the roll
of money out of my hand-in his ex-
citement he took all that I had.-"Ill
just have time
He Sprang from the train. I saw
him through the window, moving to-
ward the waiting-room. He didn't
seem going very fast.
l waited.
The porters were calling, "All
abawd. All abawd." There was the
clang of bell, hiss of steam, and in
a second the train was off.
Idiot l thought. hes missed it,;
and there was his fiftydollar suit case
lying on the seat.
l waited, looking out of the window
and wondering who the man was, any
way.
Then presently heard the porter's
voice again. He evidently was guild
ing some one through the car.
"Ah looked all through the kyar for
it, sah," he was saying.
II left it in the seat in the car there
behind my wife" said the angry voice
of a stranger, a well-dressed man who
put his head into the door of the COM
partment.
Then his face, too, beamed all at
once with recognition. But it was not
for me. 1t was for the fifty dollar
va1ise.
"Ah. there it is he cried, Selling it
and carrying it off.
I sank back in dismay. The told
gang" Petes marriage, My grand
mothers death. Great heavens, And
my money!
Stung.
The next time that l fall into talk
with a casual stranger in a car
shall not try to be quite so extraordi-
narily clever.
Copyright. 1926)
Evening star., 1926-10-03
RY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

y vE stepped into the smoking
compartment of the Pullman.
II where | was sitting alone.
He had on an expensive
motor coat. and he carried
$50 suit case that he put down on
the seat.
Then he saw me.
We'll. WE'LL" he said, and recog-
milton broke out all over his face ike
morning sunlight.
We'll, WE'LL" | repeated.
BY Jove" he said shaking hands
vigorously. who would have thought
Of seeing you?"
WHO. indeed?" l thought to myself.
He looked at me more closely.
you haven't changed Bit" he
Neither have you" said I heartily.
You NAV be little stouter." he
went on, critically.
Yes" 1 SAID. "a little; but you're
stouter Yourself
This, of course. would help to ex-
,lain away any undue Stoutness on
my part.
mo" T continued boldly and firmly,
"you look just about .the same as
ever"
And all the time l was wondering
who he was. | didn't know him from
Adam. | couldn't recall him bit. l
don't mean that my memory IS weak
on the contrary, it is singularly tena-
cious. True. [ find it very hard to
remember peoples names; very often,
tuD. II is hard for me to recall face,
and frequently / fail to recall per
sons appearance. and. OF course
clothes are thing one doesn't notice.
But. apart from these details. /
never forget anybody. and l am proud
of it. But when it does happen that
a name or face escapes me | never
lose my presence of mind. | know
just how to deal with the situation.
1t only needs GOODNESS and intellect,
and il all comes right.
My friend sat down
It's long time since we met" he
said
"A long time" l repeated, with
note OF sadness. I wanted him TO feel
that I. too, had suffered from it.
But it has gone very quickly
Like a fash" | aSsented. cheer
fully.
Strange" he said. how life goes
on and we lose track of people and
things alter | often think about II.
j sometimes wonder" he continued.
..where all the old gang are gone to-"
wondering about il at the very mo-
ment always find IN circumstances
Ii these that man begins sooner
ur .ater 10 talk of the old gang or
the boys" or the crowd" That's
where the opportunity comes in TO
gather who he IS.
do you ever so back TO the old
place." he asked
Never" / said, firmly and fatty.
This had to he absolute. | felt that
once and for all the old place must
be ruled out OF the discussion till
could discover where II was.
No" he went on. Il suppose you d
hardly care to.
Now now" / said. very gently.
II understand / beg your pardon.
he said, and there was silence for a
few moments.
80 far had scored the first point.
There was evidently an old place
somewhere to which l would hardly
Evening star., 1926-10-03

me from de had baZeball. so I geeve
look so is pointing itch gengster
witt wan hend is steecks witt breecks
witt bazeball bets.
$50 l close queeck de heyes witt
wan hend-so witt de Odder make a
Hinny- y-Minny- So 80
soon wot I made dees so laft de vii
lage by rail--a wooden wan--wot I
now in a wart wOt is inkrissed by me
oe weight witt fife ponds.
Gradually by you. irregodless.
"PINCUS."
(COpyright 10@6(
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Poison Ivy Cure.
PoIsONIvY-sCARRED veterans ,

IVY-SCARRED veterans Of
the past Summer may look for
ward to the next campaign with O.
little more hope. An iron compound
known rs ferric chloride is more than
a match for the irritating weed, ac-
cording TO new booklet by DR.. James
B. McNair. which is being issued by
the Field Museum of Natural History.
DIR. McNair discovered in the course
OF exhaustive researches on the chem
ical nature of ivy poison that this sub.
stance is rendered insoluble and thus
made harmless by chemical union with
iron.
number OF soluble iron salts ara
effective against poison ivy, but DR..
McNair has found ferric chloride to
be the most suitable. His treatment
calls for a mixture of one part bv
weight of ferric chloride with 10 of
alcohol and 10 of water. to be washed
on the skin and allowed to dry there.
before one goes into places where
poison ivy grows. and also after such
possible exposure. This, II is claimed
Will entirely prevent the development
,of ivy poisoning In the great majority
of cases.
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Heat Cabinet.

THE heavy, bulky steam and water
radiators may soon be thing of
the past. if the heat cabinets invented
by Wisconsin engineer are widely
accepted. says Science Ma gazine The
cabinet is constructed of a single u
shaped copper pipe with copper fins
extending all the way across the cabi-
net and back again, so that air pock-
cts cannot form. The total weight of
a cabinet is about one-tenth that of
an ordinary radiator 1t is claimed
that room can be made warm in 10
minutes. Where heat is not wanted
in a room, damper shuts off further
radiation.
Evening star., 1926-10-03
"Devil's Wife's Fire"

Mary Lee Davis in Scribners Magazine.
No one seems to account for the
aurora borealis with any lucid scien-
titic description, and of certainty no
one can describe it's appearance
through the medium of words. The
best eXpla nation. because the simplest
is the one that was told me by an
Eskimo friend. wee copper woman
of quantity Oriental charm
Devil and him wife live all time big
hole" And she pointed away to the
North. Devil wife make big fire in
him hole. Cook him meat. Devil
wife poke him fire. Make big light in
him sky"
Which is utterly reasonable Isn't II .
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Uncle Not a Cannibal.

From the Los Angeles Times.
A miserly old man visited one of
his relatives uninvited. One morning
his little niece approached him uneX-
pectedly with the indignant question.
"l-ncle. are you cannibal?'
The old man was startled, and said:
"No. Of course not, my dear; but
what makes YOU ask such question
as that"
"Oh, l thought you must he. because
mamma was saying this morning just
before you came in that YOU always
lived on your relatives"
Evening star., 1926-10-03

'Furr Furr hout from f1fell
gonna obtain pyhorreahea.,
'F'ife-Spick it witt flowers"
"Wott / was ridding so fonny dere
de roolz wot it was letting wit scrim-
ming dere de kraut pipple, woister
Twin as by Cholleh Cheplin. So it
stodded opp gradually de contast-
Noo-noo-so dun't esk,
$50 l commance l should geeve
peck wan byOoty-so it shakes me a
feest in de faze from a deeference
byooty d gengster. So l commance /
should geeve dees wan, so it bonces
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Another Chapter in the Unique Career
Of One Now Expert in 'Belle Lettres"

turned down. unWillingly, by the
phone trust in compliance with a pc
tition from people in the then infa antile
motion picture industry. who argued
that the strain of attempting to learn
the alphabet would wreak havoc with
their Art.
C'o be Continued)
Evening star., 1926-10-03

"I'll bet they are" he replied.
turned to Eddie. will you be an
"Who are the bridesmaids" asked
Eddie.
II will give you the cuff links and
$40 bonus" I replied.
Evening star., 1926-10-03
Sees Little Difference.
rom the Progressive Grocer.

From the Progressive Grocer.
When news of the cheese clerks
engagement became known in the
store there were many congratula-
tionS
But" said the boss, IL understand
the girl you are engaged to is
twin How do you tell the difference
between her and her sister,"
Well" blushed the cheese clerk
bashfully. "to tell the truth. 1 don't
bother very much
Evening star., 1926-10-03

"As what?" I asked.
LAS an usher,' he replied.
"Have you a cutaway?" I asked.
Certainly" he replied. with some
dignity. What do you think I am?"
"And spats?" / asked
Evening star., 1926-10-03

with those bridesmaids" asked
Eddie.
"A SIS bonus" 1 said, "and time
and a half for overtime
NO" said Eddie.
"How would l do?" asked the mes
Senger bow