davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
ADVERTISING WRITER'S
AND LITERATURE

A keen observer said some years
ago that the headline writers have
more influence than any others in
this day and age. Let a headline
writer call a man a politician in
stead of a Statesman" in a
heading, of course - and nine
tenths of his readers won't question
the diagnosis. What the headline
writer says, with words that must
fit the total Of letters and spaces
arbitrarily imposed by mechanical
limitations, makes all of us sit up
and take notice. For the headlines
yell it at us in short, pithy, sharp
chunks, and they have the greatest
gallery of readers in the world.
But there is another class of
writer's whose influence compares
with those of the headline writer's
in effectiveness, although it SO hap
pens they deal in different topics.
This class uses just as large a type
as the other; even larger type, in
fact, and the headings they write
usually are more extensive and ex-
pansive than the headlines over
news stories. This class, as you
perhaps have already surmiscd re-
fers to the advertising writer's.
The advertising boys deal in
what the literary fellows term
prosaic subjects And they are COM
| PEELED 10 make these subjects inter-
esting, day after day. New angles
of thought. new ways of presenting
( the same subject - this is their
stock in trade. And they do it re-
markably well. That they enlist at
tention cannot be doubted. They sci
the goods.
The unsigned contributions OF adj
vertising writers 60 unheralded ano
unsung. The ads are not written fol
glory, nor for their literary excel
| lence. although in most lines the
latter element counts considerably
| The main idea is to attract the at
tention Of the prospective buyer ano
make him see the advantage Of
patronizing the advertiser. II is be-
ing done every day, and that come'
under the head of advertising anC
selling proficiency.
It is a truism that the ads ap
pear strongly to the women readers
This truism is built on fact; womeI
read the ads with an intensity Dor
dering on religious frenzy. 1t sounds
like a strong statement, but married
men, who have plenty of opportun
ity TO watch their better halves
viii agree, Anybody who has no
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
REDUCING THE AGE
OF AUTO DRIVERS

Connecticut may be having lit
tie difficulty over the fact it doesn't
license automobile drivers until
they are IS years of age, While
Massachusetts, yields such licenses
at is years, but that is no sound
reason why Connecticut should fol-
low the lead of Massachusetts,. II
16 and 17-year-old autoists from
Massachusetts get gay in Connecti-
cut, arrest them. There is no uni
formity throughout the states on
the age-limit for automobile opera
tors, and there can be little DOUBT
that the Massachusetts, law is too
lenient.
Youths of 16 in Massachusetts or
any other state who drive cars. or
who own cars, may get great
kick out of operating them but ten
chances to one they get little good
from so doing. 1t means that the
boy cavorts around the country at
all hours of the day or night; his
COMPANIONS will be quite as ire
sponsible as he is himself; they Will
be "out for a lark" almost every
day. and they will be great favorites
with girl friends of the same age
without a doubt. There is no other
modern method that so effectuallH
encourages mischief.
And then. when the lad gets into
trouble. the fond parents cannot
understand how it came about
Least of all would parents blame
themselves for having permitted
their boys from owning or operat-
ing a car.
Eighteen years is quite youns
enough to permit the operation oil
an automobile. Some of the fastest
and most irresponsible drivers in
Connecticut are youths of around
that age, or up to 20. An automo-
bile is too dangerous an instrument
OF destruction TO permit young boys
and girls to operate. The situation
is one needing tightening of tho
reins, rather than their loosenins
The Connecticut law, which per
mits person 16 years of age Il
drive a car if a person above II
having license sits beside him, il
going far enough. The bars shoulC
not be down any lower.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
THE IOWA PEACE-PlPE
AND THE PRESIDENCY

The grand old party in Iowa has
had enough. In state convention
assembled things as they are were
endorsed with fervor and with en-
phasis. That is to say, Smith w.
Brookhart, chosen by the embattled
corn huskers as the senatorial can
didate over SaBator Cummins at the
June primary. was endorsed, as
we're all the other candidates Sc
lected by the rank and file. Last and
not least, the national administra-
ton was endorsed; likewise eco
nomlc equality in agriculture"
This must be complete victory
for the administration; also q COM
plete victory for Mr., Brookhart,
who fought the administration. A
prettier example of trying TO satisfy
everybody was never given in the
history of Iowa politics.
II 50 happens, however, that nu-
merous western farm organizations
just got through pow-wowing in
Des Moines, and the bill Of partlcu-
lars they endorsed was by no
means in harmony with what the
convention endorsed. The farm boys
were quite hot under the collars
and we're as sore as hornets ever
get at the administration and the
grand old party fgT failing to hant
over farm relief legislation on a
silver platter.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

seen women turn away from the
news-writers' Establishments and
bury their fair faces in the ads. CO.
ing from one to the other in care
full scrutiny. has not seen much of
women. II is for this reason that
the ad-men prosper. They know to
a certainty their readers are legion,
regardless of what the news writer's
put into the paper.
Although they deal in necessities
'of life and their distribution, adver-
Using writer's, in their quiet mo-
ments, are quite literary. They are
versatile readers of the literature of
the day, and as a rule are as well
versed in Freud and H. G. Wells as
the reporters. But they take care not
to quote what they know in their
ads. Although they could use words
of six syllables without half trying,
they as a rule refrain from using
any words having more than two
syllables. That shows their wisdom !;
the boss cannot afford to spend
good money in saying something
everybody can't understand. The
adwriters, then, are our most pro-
life source OF "Anglo-Saxon Eng
lish. Words Containing Latin and
Greek derivatives are carefully
avoided when it is a question OF
selling something to the woman
who has no time to look it up in
the dictionary,
The ad boys usually are good
fellows. fhey study human nature
and have made a science of their
study. They can smell selling
point a mile away. They may put
in their evenings reading fancy
| literature weighed .Aown with pro-
found quotations; they may be die
tionary hounds during their off
hours and may have memorized the
thesaurus to the point of being able
to quote it backward But when
they get down to business with copy
paper and a soft pencil they are
practical men who see things in a
practical way, The more of them
we know the better We like them.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
EXTERhINATI
MOSQUITOES

The Waterbury Republican gently
takes the Bridgeport Telegram to
task for venturing TO assert the
northern and easfrn states have
not accomplished much in the di-
rection of exterminating the annual
super-pest OF the summer months,
the industrious mosquito. The Re
publican quotes figures. which We
happened to have quoted previous
ly. 10 the effect that New Jersey
has done remarkably well in an
initiating the insects that have
made the state famous, and that in
a few more years the famed Jersey
mosquito will be all but a memory.
We'll and good; other states
which are infested with varying
kinds of skin borers can well ac-
cept New Jersey as an example Of
fortitude and determination. AS for
Connecticut, as the Republican
sadly points out. the Legislature
has repeatedly grappled with the
mosquito problem but has done
nothing. Perhaps the reason for
this is mosquito determination costs
money: il some kind OF tax were
possible against those who per-
mitted stagnant pools upon their
properties. or tax were possible
against mosquito culture in general,
II would be different We would at
least get the tax, regardless of how
It affected the mosquito population.
As a matter of fact the various
towns. cities, villages and widen
ings in the road in this fair state
could very well tackle the mosqui-
TO problem themselves IL they had
sufficient, energy therefore. The
pesky pests are born and bred
around ponds, stagnant brooks and
marsh land. Such breeding places
are parts OF towns. A concerted ef-
fort by townsmen and suburbanites
TO annihilate mosquitoes would
bring results. The cost would be
slight - much less than the total
cost OF porch and deor screens
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

methods should be discarded. 1t is
slow and costly. The department
should be able to build apparatus
that will sprinkle it on streets in
uniform thickness in the same man
ner oil is now laid. This would save
time and money.
You<never can tell which way the
styles are going nowadays. The next
thing you know the prevailing mode
for women may be bathrobes and
long trousers and we men will be
going about in dinner jackets and
kits. We have passed through the
stages of togas, be-ribbanded silken
knickers, tri-cornered hats, bell
bottomed trousers, brown sderbies,
stuffed shoulders, and plus-eights.
There was even a time when the
sports" went gallavantin' around in
visorless caps. And now we have re-
yersed this, for during the past week
New Britain has been overwhelmed
with the craze for the capless visor.
You know what we mean, the sort
of thing tina makes you look like an
Invalid with binders for the eyes
and a bandage wrapped about your
head. We don't know what they're
called but a good name might be
head sandals.
Still if we can have capless visors,
why not extend the idea? Why not
have shoeless laces? Very cool in
summer and, il made of rubber, will
be quite snappy. The most stylish
trousers now are those that slop
down the furthest, so why bother
with belts? Let us have beltless
buckle. Why not coatless sleeves for
those afflicted with sunburn? And
watchless crystals would be nice
they wouldn't be ever telling the
wrong time.
We presume the flappers are al
ready wearing stockingless carriers.
Some of them certainly would look
| less ghostly if they used powder
/ less powder puffs Ringless engage
ment diamonds wouldn't be so bad
! for those who wished to keep the
affair." a secret. We don't imagine
stockingless runs would sell very
we'll, but coatless fur collars should
be winners. And We guess baglese
handles wouldn't fool the purse
snatchers!
| OF course, the craze might ex-
tend to other fields and give US such
anomalies as wireless barbed-wire
fences, autoless gas tanks, airplane-
less wings, or even soupless noodles.
but we really can't see the sense of
| it.
And looking into the probable
source of the capless visor, we find
that it Individually is an outgrowth
of that traditional article of hobo
dom, the hatless brim.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
"A BULLETIN FROM THE NORTH
POLE

BY DR., Walter Z. Traprock
Fun Shop Hotel and Cottages,
5000 North
Back again at the silly old Pole
and glad to be here now that hot
weather has hit the States Every
thing is lovely. The FUN SHOP no.
tel nearing completion, though we
came near losing the whole works a
week ago. The construction company
Ibuilt their last row of working
mems igloos too near the Aurora
Borealis and the end of the igloo
caught fire. A strong north wind
blew the flames toward the hotel,
getting so close that the sheet-ic
windows began to melt Fortunately
school of whales, passing the
yacht landing, spouted a. Just the
right moment and devised the con-
migration. Some luck, I'll say!
The natives are now busy gather
ing sealing wax from the Red Cross
seals. Their method Of harvesting
THE product is interesting. The seals
caught in steel butterfly nets, are
hung over a slow fire of tundra
! (arctic moss. The wax melts and
drips out of their mouths into large
Ichafing dishes. After being de-
waxed the seals are slipped into
cool-of bath and are soon as good as
tncw.
My Swedish foreman, Sven Axel-
rod. had a narrow escape yesterday
| A large bull-seal broke out of the
net and fastened on SVen's upper liz
with the grip of a bulldog. Selling
a pair of ice-tongs, ] clampel then
together so tightly that I severed
both the seals lips and part OF
Sven's upper. 1t is healing nicely
land was too long anyway, so ne
harm was done.
we are very busy at present get
Ting ready for visit from Gustavu'
Adolphus. the Crown Prince o.
Sweden. Gus is an old friend o.
mine and 1 plan to give him thu
time OF his life. I will call for hin
at st. Johns. N. f., in my f'apper
Iblimp, the FLOATING Kidney" thence
by Traprock Airway to the Pole
Twill write particulars of his visit il
lmy next despatch.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

The question naturally arises,
who has the most power in the
state, the grand old party conven-
ton or the convention of grand old
soil-tillers.
From Paul Smiths. N. z, comes
word, through Senator Fess. Ohio.
that the President is in favor of
farm aid legislation, but not the
kind the farm fellows want. He is
in favor of legislation "along sound
economic lines" and would not
favor "price-fixing of crops as ad-
vocated by farmers organizations
in the west"
Senator Tess, it must be added.
is one of the original grand party
optimists. Taking this into consid-
Grafton there is nothing left but a
surmise he is too optimistic when
he says the grand old party will
retain control of the Senate and
that President Coolidge has lost no
real strength" in the west. He
probably believes exactly what he
likes to believe, like the rest of us.
Anyway, it is just as cheap to be
optimistic in politics as to point
with alarm and take a chance OF
losing ones popularity at Paul
Smiths.
The grand old party's publicity
organization is Stirring things W
wonderfully in filing the party
papers with stories Of the Presi'
dents continued strength. Small
wonder that such statesmen re
naming in Washington during the
hot dog days are wondering wha'
is going to happen within the mex
two years. Even Secretary Hoover
having nothing in particular to ado
regarding the radio situation, camt
out with a statement the Presiden
was the logical man to succeed
himself in spite of the unwritter
law about third terms, or presiden
tial incumbencies lasting longel
than two full terms The politicians
frankly do not know where they arr
at. to use typical political expires
sion, and would prefer to see thu
President refuse to be a candidate
for another term. They may not sa!
that much in public, but the Wash
ington correspondents evidentl!
truthfully depict the situation whel
they assert even the most stalwar
of Republicans in town would pre-
fer 10 see somebody else given {
chance at the presidency.
| Ine returns OF lne Dy-eleClioil
will be counted in November anc
by that time we will know whether
Senator Tess was right or whether
Senator Cummins when he said thu
President wouldn't be a candidate
for a third term, was telling facts
Up 10 the present the President ha
given the impression he will no
dodge another term if offered, an
big business" is said to favo
more of the quiet man from Yer
mont" Certain influential thinker
in the party, however, favor a ney
candidate and western Republican
leadership at least is sharply di
vided. 1t is the Roosevelt third tern
situation over again, with the diff
ference that Coolidge is not likeI
to pick his Taft.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

Perhaps the American girl is be-
coming taller. She's reaching for
a lot more than she used to.
When night falls, nothing is brok
en- except laws.
One way to develop a level head
is to butt it few times by running
annex.
1t is difficult TO determine the
relative merit of chorus members.
They don't stand still long enough.
Style is that vague something Il
woman has that makes her garments
seem to have it.
One wonders at times if the scat
folding is to hold the workmen up
or hold the house up.
The more one knows about board
ing houses the less fault he can find
With matrimony.
Every town has at least one man
who is good at an argument and
nothing else.
Early to bed and early TO rise, and
you dodge most of the expensive
temptations,
| Why shouldn't girls get their rosy
complexions at a drug store?e Men
did that years ago in dry states.
When most men ask for coopera
ton. what they mean is: "Tll lead
and you cheer"
If there were men in those days.
dinosaur eggs doubtless served nobly
in criticism of ham actors.
Calling him big" man doesn't
mean that he grades up to a stand
ard of importance, but only that
there ara many smaller men.
II he smokes the Turkish hlnd
perhaps the long holder is to get
the odor farther from his nose.
The nuisance tax hasn't operated
TO lessen the number of those VINO
yearn to sell US books we don't
want.
The real heroes of early days were
unarmored footmen, who tough
gamely against knights in armor.
Risaue stories haven't improved
much. They are just being told b!
a better class of people.
A village is a place where every
body has an uneasy feeling that IN
doctors wife knows too much.
There's always way out. If yo'
are very, very chivalrous nobod,
will notice that you are henpecked
protected by Publishers Syndicate
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
THE OBSER YER
On the City and Its People
Makes Random Observations

What has become of the New
Britain municipal golf course?
That question is popped at the
Observer nearly every day, and the
answer is difficult to find.
Not many months ago devotees OF
the Scotch game were confident that
New Britain would soon have a
course. The prospect was propitious.
But they were doomed to disap-
pointment which has cut deep.
eGolf is now enjoyed by hundreds,
in contrast with a few years ago
when it was a rich mans game
patronized only by fortunate human
beings who could afford the over
head of belonging to a country club.
The demand for a public course is
made obvious by the large throngs
of golfers from this city who patron
ize the Goodwin park links at Hart
ford. New Britain is well represented
at Hartford and, naturally, many
citizens of the Capitol are beginning
to ask why the Hardware City
doesn't establish course of its own.
There are enough golf players
here to justify the city in going TO
the expense of creating a course for
their benefit. As years pass. it
would become more and more pat
ronized and we would wonder how
we ever maneged to do without it.
A set of rules for polite behavior
during the heat wave has just been
edited and for the benefit of the
readers of this column we are Civ
ling a few of the choice bits for their
guidance. We have long felt the
need for just such volume and
coming as it does, in these simmer
ing times, we feel that it will be
welcomed by our readers.
| Rule /: Upon meeting an acquaint-
ance on the street it is considered
good form to smile wanly and say
Hot enough for you?" If the friend
survives that the conversation may
continue-if he reaches for his hin
pocket it is advisable to retire
quickly. If the. question is asked OF
the reader there are several correct
answers in use, such as. You bet
cha" Gosh. yes" or mo, you idiot
I'm shivering."
Rule 2: Upon meeting an &C
quaintance in soda fountain
blind tiger. or office it is good form
to say. TOO hot to work today, isn't
| it?" The correct answer should be
and probably will be Yes" Ascer-
tain, then, whether or not the other
person has to work the rest of the
day. If he has got to go back to the
office right away. mention the fact
that it would be nice to be able tc
take a swim right then or that a
tail glass of lemonade and a maya
zine would be cool and restful
wouldn't it? The victim will appre-
ciate your suggestions and they vii
help him to enjoy the rest of the
day hard at work.
! Rule 8: No conversation Is exact
| " complete without one of the
participants mentioning the fact thai
he wished he had the other chap:
Job. II is rather interesting tC
watch the reaction this statement
has on most people. It was Ovid, We
believe, who said that "everybody''
Job looks better than mine" We
might be wrong about that-it might
have been Benchley
Rule 4: 1t is excellent form 10 get
exact reports as to just how hot j
was at noon on the sunny side o
Main street. These can be popped
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
All right. if you are willing!
And now l lead the single life
My barbarous so thrilling"
H. d. Highlander.
KRAZY KINDERGARTEN

(COnuuCCeO DY DuSlyt
fletcher:
Noah, how is your deer old gran
father?"
Noah Lott:
"Fine-he's driving his mother
over to Tootleville to attend his
grandmother's End marriage"
fletcher:
wat a good son. Now try "indi'
gent "
Noah Lott:
Me diamond ring" the lady
cried; Its disappeared! Its stole! Its
gomez Dat fat guy swallowed it.
yelled-Its INDECENT with dat brown
derby on
Peter G. Coriell.
Copyright. 1926. Reproduction
Forbidden)
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE!
A Bathroom Ballad

A Bathroom Ballad
By Rollo Shepard
l
Now summers here, do not see
Why should have to use tub:
1t seems a foolish thing to me,
This idea of an indoor scrub.
A swim a day l haven't missed
And sometimes two. in Jones Crick,
But Pa and Ma, they both insist
On soap and things; it makes me
sickl
The gang meets up at ten or so.
There's Buck and Pete and Bill and
Sam
And me, of course, and off we go
To Jones Crick, above the dam.
The waters cool and dark and green
And deep enough for any dive,
And when I come out I'm as clean
AS any mortal kid alivel
But does that satisfy my Ma?
I'll say it don't! Why. just CAST night
She said. as supper-time, to Pa,
Just look at RolIo. He's a sight!
His face, his neck, his ears, his
hands. 49,.
What HE needs is a thorough
scrub"
It's tough that no one understands
That I've already had my tub!
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

Member Audit Bureau of Circulation.
The A. B. c. is a national organization
which furnishes newspapers and adveT.
Users with a strictly honest analysis OF
"a based upon this audit. This insures
PROTECTION against fraud In newspaper
distribution figures to both national Jand
local advertisers.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
Just Right

Just Right
Mrs. NeWlywed: Il think it would
be nice if we lived in Africa"
Newlywed aye Gods! Why?"
Mrs. Newlywed: oh, the Sahara
Desert would be so nice for the
baby's sand pile!"
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
IN KLASS AT KRAZY kOLLEGE
lCnndncted BY .IudNl

Teacher:
Countess, could you hang your
dignity on the hickory limb. long
enough to recite .harbarous' 2"
Countess Change:
HE looked into my eyes and sighed;
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

Member of the Associated Press.
me Associated Press ia exclusively en-
titled to the use for republication OF
ali news credited 10 1t or not otherwise
credited In this paper and also local
news published therein,
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24
Sleep, Gentle Sleep,

Sleep, Gentle Sleep.
Gordon: II sure slept like log
last night" .....
Mrs. Gordon: Eyes, you sure did!
You sounded like log up against
a buzz-saww ... -..
Mrs. Frank H. Wassel
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-07-24

Ths Herald is on sale daily IN New
york AT Hotaling's Newsstand, Times
souare: schultz's Newsstands, Entrance
Grand Central. And Street.