New Britain herald., 1926-09-18
Aftermath

My dear mothers funeral was held from the undertaking parlor because our house was too poorly equipped for such a thing.
 To keep myself up, I thought Of the many times Mother and I had talked about death, and the cheery way she felt about 1t. I was always afraid of dying. Even when I was small, used to think about it, and shiver and cry to imagine how aw- ful 1t would be to go into the dark away from my people and friends and pleasures. All alone. too.
 Mother would say: Don't cry about 1t, child. The reason you feel afraid Of death is because you are having a good time here. When you are older and know what life Is, and disappointments come, and griefs and sickness, you won't be so crazy about living. You will get tired. Dying won't frighten you. Death will seem like a good, kind old friend. That's how I feel about it. I'd like to have just one little bit of happiness-then I'd be per fectly willing to go out-pouf!- like that, and gaily."
 Both Mother and detested mourning and Mother made me promise never to wear it for any body. But Aunt Anna felt I ought ot Iaoct to unor bIock on tba dov Mother was buried, so she bought me a good dress - the second "boughten" one I ever owned in my life. Mother made even my party frocks, and they were always per feet, she sewed so beautifully. ] wore little black velvet hat of hers
 it made her seem closer to me. I still have it.
 Mother was buried In her choir vestments. I had a hard time get ting them. The church people want cd her to wear some old duds that went to her locker myself and got out her shabby old surplice and cas- sock and some underthings she had made herself, and took them to the undertaken, with a pair Of black silk stockings and some slippers.
 We never saw her in the casket- It was better not.
 When I got back to the empty house, I felt dead myself. l could not seem to realize what had hap pened. I was numb.
 I want to say a word about the cost of Mothers coffin, which caus- ed so much criticism.
 If 1t was too expensive, I was to blame, for I picked out all ths things. l was young and dreadfully upset and, as l saw it, nothing nothing-could be too good or too costly for my mother. l didn't think of the cost. I just chose everything blindly and left the pay ment to take care of itself.
 II was a heavy burden on Father, I realize now. But it has somehow been taken care of.
 Immediately after the funeral things began to press around us. Our house was jammed the whole time with people-from the police, from the court, from the newspa- pers, from the neighborhood, friends, strangers, everybody.
 The most fantastic thought kept coming 10 me: As soon as mother comes. she'n straighten out all this mess" Then I would have the sick ening realization that it was just be- cause mother never would come back that this was all happening.
 Dreadful questions were asked me. and dreadful things were hint ed at. They treated my father ter ribly, too, trying to make him say he had sneakcd out of the house late the night of September l4, and sneaked in again and 10 bed. They tried to trip us up and make us say things that were lies about mother and Mir. Hall and ourselves.
 We were haled 10 hearings and in- quiries and grand juries, and there were investigators and prosecutors and special detectives and lawyers and officials and newspaper report CTS. Oh. Sometimes I would be told I must speak out, and then l was told I talked too much. Some would tell he to forget it. when ] tried 10 tell what l thought about Inc killings, and often l was told This is no business for little girls like you. Keep your mouth shut
 When I went into the grand jury room I felt absolutely alone, as though everyone was against me From the questions I was asked and the way they asked them, you would have thought I had committed some crime myself instead of being the sufferer from one. They attacked me.
 There were women, too. on the jury. and don't tell me women are kind to other women. Perhaps l am what people like to call "a man g woman," for although ] have never been overly interested in boys, l certainly have q general indifference and even fear where women are con- cerned. There are only throe or my own sex. outside of mother, that ] have ever really confided in. one was my girl friend. one married woman friend, and the third a news paper writer who was somehow dlt- ferent from the others.
 During the grand jury inquiry four year ago l was started at and sneer- cd at and asked the most insulting questions about where I got my clothes, what I did evenings, what