Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-03
Pluckcd From the Plains


"Do YOU stop at the Ritz hotel?"
asked the old lady Of the bus driver
mo, ma'am, not on my pay" was
the reply.
Aunt-So your sweetheart went
away yesterday. Parting IS very pain
full, isn't it?
Niece-I should say so. Every rib
in my body aces-Sydney Bulletin.
isn't it funny that most of the
men in the first row are bald?"
mo, most of them bought their
tickets from scalper.Y
old scrooge was entertaining a
caller, and after an hours rather
dry talk he turned to his caller with
smile. would you like something
to buck you up--a cooling draught'
Henry?"
"Well, I don't mind if I do"
"Good!' said the old miser. THelp
me open this window There's a
grand breeze blowing"
Employer-Aren't you the boy who
applied for this position two weeks
ago?
Boy-Yes, sir.
Employer-And didn't I say I want
cd an older boy?
Boy-Yes, sir; that's why I'm here
now.
"Do you expect to make living
as an architect?"
well, am making plans for that
end .sa..
Patron. to second hand dealer-See
here. want my money back; this
old flute you sold me is full Of holes.
Paris Rire.
Mrs. Mulligan-oi niver had such a
narrow escape in all me loife. Shure
the car missed me by less than SIX
inches.
Mulligan-Av yez had gone a step
farther the children would how had
stepmother
"Is your present husband a handy
man around the house?
mo. thank goodness! My former
husband was and ne was continually
around the house"
He-If I'd known you were SO
extravagant I would never have mar
ried you.
Shelf I hadn't been, father would
never have let you.
An inspector of schools in south
ern state invited some boys to JOIN
him in a swim in the bay. The boys
watched him undress and go in, but
themselves remained on the bank
After a long and enjoyable SWIM
the inspector chaffed the boys for
rot coming in, and said, Il suppose
You are afraid to battle with an IN
spector?"
mo, sir,p said one Of the boys.
''but we saw crocodile in this bay
yesterday"
Father-in -law-Didnt you tell me
when you married my daughter that
you were worth 100000?
Son-in-law-No, sir. I said could
Law my hands on 100000, but had l
done so I'd be in Jail now.
Counsel-Tell the court how the
accident occurred.
Witness-Well, the car shot out OF
garage, exceeding the speed limit
and knocked the fellow flat on his
back and ran over him. The fellow
was slightly intoxicated, stepped in
front of the car, which was going
at the rate of 10 miles an hour, was
softly brushed aside, and
Counsel-What! How could it hap
pen both ways?
Witness-Don't ask me. I'm JUST
telling both sides of it.
Mother-Be careful to wash your
face and hands thoroughly-Tm ex-
recting your auntie?
Son-But suppose she doesn't come.
"The new patient in Ward B is
very goodlooking," said the nurse.
eyes," agreed the matron, but
don't wash his face. He's had that
done by four nurses THIS morning.
Asker-Do they take in summer
boarders?
Teller-Awfully.
Briggs-It seems as though women
have a mania for spending money.
Griggs-I know it. Why, whenever
my wife is too sick to go shopping
sands the doctor
"John- -ee-eew called his mother.
Come in the house this instanlT'
"Aw, shucks," whined Johnny to
his buddy "the companys gone al
ready"
Father-What kind of man is
this fellow to whom you are engaged?
Marion-Well, he says he has al
ways wanted a home.
Father-That sounds good.
Marion-And he likes ours very
much.