davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

tickets and all, oh dearest, can't we
90? Why only think it won't cost
us a cent, and lookit the rest and
everything and not a penny expense.
Geo. give a sniff. Out of the question,
he says, we couldn't accept any such
thing, and what would we do with
Junior, and how would 1 get away
from the office? And ] says, well,
I don't see how I could leave my
child, and then there's this house, no,
I guess it i, impossible.
So having made up our mind firm
ly it couldn't be done, why Geo. men
toned il sadly to his boss and his boss
says at once what nonsense, Jules,
you mustn't miss a chanel like that,
take part Of your summers vacation
now, don't be silly. And ! mentioned
how sad il was We couldn't go 10 that
Mabel Bush, the one that's married 10
Joe Bush of the Hawthorne Club,
who never done a obliging thing for
me in her whole entire life. And Ma
bel says now don't be ridiculous, dear,
Of course you are conner 90 and
leave Junior with me, ] viii be de-
lighted to take care Of him. Two Is
no more trouble then one, and you can
send Us some grapefruit If you like.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
BY J. p. Medbu,y.

Mumble--She couldn't
Mutter-Why mot?
Mumble-I never give her any.
Mutter-Well why don't you?
Mumble-Becaus 1 need it to lose
myself.
Mutter-With me, marriage is a
proposition Of give and take.
Mumble-Sure, you give her half
your salary and she takes the rest.
Mutter-Tve been married seven
years and have never caught my wife
going through my pockets.
Mumble-Yes, I'm a sound sleeper
too.
Mutter-She wouldn't think Of tax
ing a nickel out of my trousers.
Mumble-Neithcr would mine, she
goes after currency.
Mutter-I never deposit any money
in the bank, give my wife my salary
every week and she puts it In her
stocking.
Mumble-sure, a sort of Joint ae.
count.
Mutter-When 1 want fifty cent,
or a dollar / ask her for It.
Mumble-Yes( and then you get q
dime or a quarter.
Misunderstanding is n business and
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

Mutter-Cards have broken up
many a home.
Mumblc-Yes, one little queen bust
ed up mine.
Mutter-Don't you know that it's
wicked 10 gamble on cards?
Mumble-Not in my case it wasn't.
Mutter-Why not?
Mumble-I was playing with the
firms money.
Mutter-You have to look out for
these professional gamblers, they proc.
ably played dirty poker.
Mumble-No they didn't.
Mutter-What makes you so sure:
Mumble-Because came out clean.
Mutter-Do you mean to say that
you didn't realize anything on ,he
evening?
Mumble-Yes, realized that ]
should have stayed home.
Mutter-What would you do IL your
wife lost fifty or n hundred dollars
at poker every night?
Mumble-I'd make an inyestiga-
tion.
Mutter-For what?
Mumble-To find out where she got
the money.
Mutter--Yes, but maybe she'd gam
bic with your dough.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

TO the editor:
= Where / live has recently been
infested by a man named Dinton
Glow that moved here from Wiscon-
sin and some of the folks that has
met him claim he is off his nut as
they say, but personally ! have found
him a whole lot less dumber than his
critics and if few Of the idears
which he has expressed in my hear
ing was carried out this world would
be a pleasanter place 20 live in.
Mr.. Glow was setting in the liv-
ing room waste basket the other night,
reading what the papers had to say
about the coal shortage and hunger
and misery in gen. amongst the poor.
IF they don't like their Uncle
Sammy" he commented, and left the
rest to the Imagination, "The amount
of unnecessary suffering is psodig-
ious," he went on, sand most of it
is directly attributable to dumbness.
Here is an article written by re-
porter that went to Helrs Kitchen
to investigate conditions. He found
one family composed Of mother and
dozen children thinly dressed, shiv-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

dug into his old jeans to get himself
a flock of wash ones. and We had
bought a coupla new suitcases, good
ones, there being no economy in get
ting them things too cheap, on &C.
count a person will always find use
for them. Then we got a new hat-box,
some shoes, few ct ceteras. nice
present for Essie Goofnah, box of
high class cigars for J. ]. and at
last, almost before we knew it, We
was on the train. started on our per-
fectly expenseEfree trip to the Sunny
South.
And believe you me, when we got
on that train we were some tired
out. Getting ready for a rest like that
was no joke, what with closing up
the house, getting Junior packed and
Instructed and over TO the Joe Bushes,
and etc. But as the pullman pulled
out we give big sigh Of relief and
sank, for once speeches., into our
places. looking forwards to the de-
lightful time Of ease and idleness
which was certainly coming to US in
every meaning of the words.
Well, after considerable hesitation
the train decided to reach Florid1,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

Mutter-Hello there, Mr.. humble,
where are you going in such a hurry:
Mumble-I'm running to stop
fight.
Mutter-Is that so, who's fighting?
Mumble-My wife and !.
Mutter-what brought the trouble?
Mumble-I don't know, it wa, there
when ! got home.
Mutter-Don't be silly, il takes two
people to start an argument.
Mumble-There were two. her and
her mother.
Mutter-what did the quarrel STAT
over?
Manufacturer three years ago.
Mutter-Well don't you know what
she's fighting about?
Mumblc-Certainly. About three
questions Of the time.
Mutter-She doesn't fight for moth
ing, does she?
Mumble-WelI, you don't think ]
pay her for il, d. you?
Mutter-Whe1 she quarrels, she
has TO have some object.
Mumble-She has an object.
Mutter-Then what is il?
Mumble-Me.
Mutter-Did she get sore at some
thing you did?
Mumble-No, she got sore at some
thing ] didn't do.
Mutter-What didn't you do?
Mumble-I didn't come home last
night.
Mutter-You weren't deceiving her,
were you?
Mumble-No. but / thought I was.
Mutter-You ought to be more con-
siderate you know you only have one
wife.
Mumble-Yes, that's something 70
be thankful for.
Mutter-Where were you all even
ing?
Mumble-Out on business.
Mutter-Did you put over good
deal?
Mumble-Yes, ! dealt my partner
three aces.
Mutter-Don't tell me you wer'
gambling.
Mumble-All right, / won't.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
I and George : By Nina Wilcox Putnam

he was wrong. After dinner we hadder
tear over to Miss Nothing's, the grea:
society leaders, and, believe you me-
she sure led us some! She led us on
TO Count Seyen's Studio for a little
dance, after which we closed the
Club Montmarte, and eventually
closed our eyes.
But not for long. Early the next
A. NJ. ]. J. himself was pounding at
the door, and up we got to do a few
rounds of golf, after which there was
n porch breakfast over at Mr.. & Mrs.
Landscape A. Gardens. But by the
time the ham and eggs la Ritz was
served we had to leave the pancakes
fiat. on account it was time to rush
into our bathing suits and tear over
to the beach. But this time we was 80
late our toes was all that got wet, on
account we had to fly over to the
Patio and have lunch with Mr.. Bac.
cardi.
1t was really too bad We hadder
hurry so, but by the time we come
to the olives and celery course, we
ladder leave, for dear Essie had
promised Mrs. Villa Espangonla
that We would join her crowd at the
Daneli for an early dance matinee,
and also that We would descend on
the Van Soakes for a few seconds
before bounding on to tea at Miss
After which We were
having a few people drop in before
dinner for the usual reason, and after
that we simply had TO tear into our
clothes in order to be an hour late
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
Clever Scheme for Feeding Poor
Worked Out; Restaurants
Are Suggested.

railroads was to fix up their time
tables so that trains would keep arriv-
ing all day and night at intervals OF
n hr. instead Of all getting in at q
o'clock A. NJ, why the immigration
into a given city would be scattered
through the "a hrs. and not all bunch
ed together like pimple.
ITO supplement this improvement,
the best hotel might send out a letter
to a 1000 people or whatever number
it has got rms. for and tell these peo-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
Mr..
Practice.

pie that they are the 1000 people who
will be welcome in future as guests.
Number each one of these 1000 eligible
guests and when No. $50 for inst. hap
pens to come to town TO stay over
night. give him the key to Room $50
and he can run right up there and get
his shoes off without no standing
around the lobby all day on his own
and other peoples dogs waiting for a
room that is supposed to be ready for
him. At the same time, the hotel
would send out other letters to every
body not included amongst the 1000
and tell them hereafter to go some
where's else as they are not wanted"
Mr.. Glow seemed to Of ran out OF
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
Mutter and humble

you should make your wife a member
OF the firm.
Mumble-Don't be silly, can you
imagine any woman being a silent
partner? .G..
Mutter-You ought to Civ. her your
confidence.
Mumble-I did, but she lost II.
Mutter-A wife is a mans dearest
possession.
Mumble-Yes, mine has cost me
plenty.
Mutter-It's all right to joke, Mr..
humble, but il it wasn't for your
wife, where would you be today?
Manufacturer at the club playing
poker.
Copyright. 1926, King Feature. Syn, Inc
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
Waste Basket Oracle Has Good Ideas
By Ring Layuner

IL whorls and now proceeded Z
practice"
"Since coming to Great Neck" h
explained, laying a dress vest On hi
knee and rapidly equipping it wit
buttons produced from his pocket, I"
have been invited to dinner 4 time
but each invitation came at 5 minute
TO 8 and the dinner was set for & o.
each occasion / therefore had to say
was sorry, but my vest buttons WASH
in and 1 couldn't possibly put them il
and still get there in time for dinner
So my prospective host or hostes
would say they was sorry, too, an,
hang up.
Now I have got that game beat
Every night at o'clock, I put Of
my dress trousers, shirt, socks, shoe.
collar, tie and suspenders. Then
set down right in front Of the teIe
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
americas Only Woman Humorist
Jennie and George Try Out Life of
idle" Rich; Find It's
Applesauce.
Applesauce.

was addressed to / and Geo. both, and
it run TO this effect.
The Breakus. Palm Beach, Fla.
Dear Jennie and George.
Well dear friends, here we are down
in Florida, as you perhaps already
guess from the above address. Every
thing is lovely and we wish all our
friends could share it. especially the
expense. But dear friends, owing TO
the fact every time we turn over, We
also turn over a big profit on real
estate, We are writing to ask will you
both come down on q visit? Now
don't be offended, take it in the spirit
in which it is offered. we don't want it
to cost you one cent, we will stand
T. +. fare and all. So please accept in
closed 2 way tickets, wire u. what
train to meet and come along to the
orange blossom state and get good
thorough rest and change.
With love and kisses,
Essie and J. ]. Goognah."
A VISIT FROM SANTA CLAUS.
Well, III bite, says Geo., where's
the catch? oh Geo! 1 says, there
amt no catch, lookit the real, genuine
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

that has got more restaurants than
n. Y. and any policeman can direct
them to one. They have a nice spe-
cial steak for 40 at the Ritz. They
serve it on barge. 1T is too big
to entirely smother with onions, but
a similar effect is obtained by hav-
ing the idle walters line up along both
walls and throw onions at the walters
who are towing in the barge.
II will never forget one night 7
was in a party of so and we ordered
one Of these steaks. When the barge
was finally brought in and tethered,
one of the guests, a Mr.. Sko from
Escrow, said he preferred his steak
with mushrooms. But when we serve
steak a la barge said the head thug,
it takes so mushroom that there amt
mushroom for mushrooms This
turned the laugh on the house physi-
clan and for a few moments no one
was himself
"Or why don't they 70 to Los
Angeies?" continued Mr.. Glow.
Great climate and great food. Won
derful scenery and wonderful meals on
the train. You may point out that it
is $500 miles from n. Y. Yes, but re-
member that with the mother included
there is 40 in the family and suppose
they invite friend to 20 along with
them to make it 30. Well, 80 into
$500 is 20, or 70 miles apiece. 1t is
almost that far to Trenton and you
don't never stay away from Trenton
on acct. Of the distance. 1t amt
that
At this pit. Mr.. Glow crawled out of
the basket and executed some IL
whorls on the false lawn.
"On the way here from the Middle
West he went on, II stopped over in
Pittsburgh, arriving there one morning
and leaving the next. Well, stopped
at hotel which 1 won't tell you the
name Of it because that would be adj
vertising, but it has got the same
LIST name as the Chief Justice of the
Supreme Court and the last name
means pigs apartment. Well, had
wired ahead for a reservation, but
when 1 got to the hotel I had to stand
in line for IL hr. vile other gents
was waited on. They must Of been
40 or 50 Of MS all told. Well, as I
stood there grousing because my dogs
was tired and sore and / wanted to
lay down and take a nap, the idear
come to me that these kind of condi.
tons could be very easily remedied BY
either the railroads or the hotels or
both.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

phone. II It ever rings again at 5
minutes TO g, I will take off the re-
ceiver, holler yes thank you, hang up
and start throwing buttons into my
vest. 1 have been practicing just ;
days and can already equip the vest
completely in 2 min. s $40 sec."
Mr.. Glow now began jerking around
as if something bulged.
"Unloosen your shirt" 1 advised
him.
He hastily unbuttoned the 3 top but
tons Of the garment referred to and
what should fly out but covey Of
wild pheasant.
RING LARDNER.
Copyright, 1926, by the Bell
Syndicate, Inc.)
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
WITH THE IDLE RICH.

il sure was a pretty place where
we ate, or so ! believe it would OF
been il We had had time to see it, but
we didn't. On account we had 10 rush
through the meal in order to get 10
lava fete given by Mrs. Villa Espan-
gonla, where Ess.e seen 20 il that we
didn't spend too much time, as We was
due at Mr. Baccardi's cocktail party
by then-past que. in fact, and she
didn't want US 20 draw unnecessary
interest.
Then. when we had s1atched a
sandwich and a word or two with the
hosts. why Essie explained where she
hated 10 drag US away, but we bladder
drop in at the Coconut Grove and let
the eoconuts drop on US for q few
seconds before we ran home AMI
jumped into our dilner-harness as
we was expecting a little dinner party
Of twenty.
Well. rays George while fighting
his way into the mean type Of shirt
which means more 10 men then any
other, well. be says, this Is the life,
Ell Jennie? After dianer, there will
be nothing to do until tomorrow. But
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

doesn't crgmp or Overact.
Ask your druggist for genuine
California Fig Syrup" which has
directions for babies and children Of
all ages printed on bottle. Mother I.
You must say California" or you
may get an imitation fig syrup.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
OFF FOR THE SUNNY
SOUTHLAND,

Well naturally after that there
didn't seem 10 be no escape, and the
first thing we realized, l had spent
$50 on summer clothes. Geo. had
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
Chronic Fatigue
Keeps Many Mothers
Always dead Tired"

Thousands of pale, tired, worn-out
mothers are victims Of chronic fatigue
and do not know IL.
Chronic fatigue Is not the ordinary
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31


tired feeling. II is
an unnatural tired
ness that "hangs,
on" due to
lack of sufficient or
ganic iron in the
blood. For conquer
ing it Nuxated Iron
Is unexcelled. IL
r0utaina tv,,A ox-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
A FALSE LAWN DANCER

Nov theys no excuse for a situa-
ton like that. II / had 4 dozen
children would divide them into )
squads Of 10 each like the Tiller
Girls, and would fix up Eskimo or
Nautch or Russian dances for them,
or any dances that required warm,
heavy costumes, then would get
them those costumes and they would
find that the thickness of the clothes,
combined with the exercise of dane
ing would soon have them sweating
like stoker and wishing they were
touring Labrador in the altogether.
As for being ravenous, what can they
expect if they haven't eat nothing for
"a hours, though personly if 1 have
got plenty to drink and smoke / don't
want no food. But if they want it,
l don't know no city in the world
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

20 pisyt0'a ths ehiIs'sr gdnic iron like that
In the blood. and IN spinach and lentils.
Nuxated Iron increases strengthen two
weeks or money back. Will not injure
teeth or disturb stomach like mineral
iron. For sale at all good druggists-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

Even a fretful. feverish. bilious or
sonstipated child loves the pleasant
nsie o. california Fig Syrup" This
gentle, harmless laxative never fails
20 sweetcn the stomach and open the
bowels. A teaspo0nful today may
prevent . alex child tomorrow. IL
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

II doesn't hurt one bit TO remove
every hard corn, soft corn or corn
between the toes with "Freezone."
A few cents buys a bottle at any
drug store.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

TO dinner at Bradley's with the
Astorbilts, Mr.. Baccardi, Miss Moth
ing, Mr.. and Mrs. Van Soake, the
Gardens, and all the old gang which
We hadn't seen in so long.
After which We played little
Twenty-One, but before the first
hand was all dealt, why we hadder
go away from there, on account we
should Of been over at the Poinciana
Ball simply ages ago, and It was
necessary to run right along, or we
could never get away in time to join
the crowd at Whitehall in time to
go on 10 the Free-For-All-Fight at
the Everglades, from which we were
going right on in bathing. because
there would be no time for bed that
night. And, anyway, old deah, it
would be such a jolly lark 10 stay up
all night.
OPEN ALL NIGHT.
in fact, as far as I and Geo. could
make out, larks or parrots or any
thing else usually did stay up all
night down there, in fact night birds,
was the most usual variety-not the
most common, nothing down TO
Palm Beach was common except the
folks a person didn't know.
Well, after bathing, and Essie
snatched away a little time and done
some hurried shopping, on account
had by then wore everything !
owned once, which was too many
times according to standards. So |
picked up a few darling frocks a
$1,000 mp per each, and slipped in
TO one just in time TO slide out Of
it and into another in time to be late
TO lunch over at the Patio with Miss
Nothing's party, from which we had
70 make a frantic dive, after the
soup, over 70 Mr.. Baccardi's Fish
fry. And etc. And etc. Until fhe
end Of the week then the Goofnahs
seen US off.
There was only one guest-stretch-
er in the house, and since George
was the heaviest they took him 20
the train on that, while made out
pretty good on one Of the Spanish
type shutters from the dining room
window. /, at least, had strength
enough left 10 give our remaining
four dollars and twenty-five cents
70 the boy who busted off the shut
ter for me, and our kind hosts, who
had give us this grand, expense free
trip, come down 10 the choo-choo
TO see the last Of US, and Hot BozO,
the last was about right. But ! never
forget ny manners. and / managed 70
raise my head as they put me on the
train. Thank you 50 much, dear, ]
says feebly, for the lovely rest and
change. Ny change Is all gone, and
III tell the world that you can keep
the rest,
Copyright, 1895. by Republic Syn. Inc.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

Stop cutting at that corn! Don't
risk lockjaw! Drop "Freezone' on
any corn or callus. then shortly lift
that sore, touchy corn or callus right
off, root and all. without pain or
soreness.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

where 1t commenced right at Jackon-
vile to show great reluctance to move
ahead more than 2 #. at any one
time. But We didn't mind so much on
account Of for the first time seeing
palms and palmetto and sa1d and
sunshine and sunshine and sand and
palms and palmettoes, one right after
the other over and over again.
RUSHING TO A REST.
Also oranges and grapefruit grow
ing on trees instead Of on fruit
stands, which seemed awful unaatu-
raj. And when at last we come into
the station at Palm Beach, why there
was them dear Goofnahs waiting for
US in the depot and white fannels,
and the first thing they says is hello
folks, 50 glad to see you, hurry Up,
jump il the car, we just got time TO
get on our suits and make the bathing
hour.
So We jumped in the car aud was
whirled off to the beach and dasbel
into our suits SOS not to keep them
waiting, and we rushed through the
Casino and went swimming. That is
to say we got our feet fairly wet
along with some Of the most socially
elite dogs in the county. but before
We got in as far as our knees, Elsie
commenced yelling to US to come out.
Hurry, dearz, she says, We got 10 get
10 the Patio 10 lunch with the Astor-
bits and II we rush We will be just
the conventional half hour late.
So naturally / and George tore off
our suits before the bath house door
was fairly shut behind US. flung on
our luncheon outfits. flung a coupla
bucks TO the attendants, and rushed
over 70 the luncheon.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31

He Was Sitting In The Living RIM.
Waste Basket Reading What The
Papers Had To Say About The Coal
Shortage.
ering with cold and without nothing
to eat since the previous meal. The
children were ravenous.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-31
BEATING THE DINING GAME.

@The way things is now, everybody
gets to town at the same time in the
morning and they all go to the best or
most convenient hotel. But Il the
, 1926-01-27
Publication.

RT is hereby brought to public notice
that the Letters Patent which were
recorded in the United States Patent
Office, Washington, D c., Oh October
20, 1925 in the name of Irving Langh,uir,
assignor to General Electric Company
Of New York, a corporation organized
and existing under the laws Of the State
OF New York. and patent certificate No.
1858. 1876 issued therefor, has this date
been registered in The Office Of the Gov
eminent Secretary of the Virgin Islands
of the United States al St. Thomas, in
accordance with the provisions in the
regulations governing the registration
of Patents and Trade marks in the Vir-
sin Islands. approved 30 June, 1870.
Government Of
the Virgin Islands of the United States,
ST. Thomas,
January 10, 1926.
G. s. BAKER,
Government Secretary.
, 1926-01-27
Publication.

Dds will be received in the Office
- of the Despatching Secretary up
to and including January 80, 1926,
for the lease of Buck Island on
a yearly rental basis, subject to
discontinuance on three months no.
tic8.
Taxes will be paid by the lessee.
All growing trees will be pre-
served from injury by stock Or 9th
erWise.
Spoil or waste will not be per
mitted.
Charcoal will not be burned on
the island, nor will any wood on the
island be used for such purposes.
Migrants will not be permitted
to live or remain on the premises.
There are approximately 1873
acres in this piece of land, and it
is particularly fitted for the raising
of sheep, goats and hogs.
lessee may take possession on
May /, 1926.
G.. p. SHAMER,
Despatching Secretary.