davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-10-03
BY DONALD OGDEN STEWART.


meet Walter Thompson in
Hollywood and he said to me,
i Don, | hear YOU are going
to get married" Yes" |
replied, didn't You get an invita-
tion?"
NO" he answered. did you send
me one?"
II certainly did" l said. "and hope
YOU are thinking of sending me
quite a nice present
II don't see why I should send you
any present" said Walter. Il don
remember that you ever sent me any
present"
Yes, did" replied. Il sent you
that set of olive spoons"
How much did they cost?" asked
Walter.
What's that got to do with it?"
asked.
How am l going to tell what to
pay for your present. replied
Walter.
Forty dollars" / said.
Like hell they did" said Walter
Thirty dollars" | said, Il can
show you the bill"
Evening star., 1926-10-03

st. Louis reports the case of a wom-
an who mailed a dress to a friend in
an ordinary envelope which required
only cents postage.
Evening star., 1926-10-03

The first man to wear a silk hat in
the streets of London was arrested for
creating u riotIs
Evening star., 1926-10-03
DONALD OGDEN STEWART,

DONALD OGDEN STEWART,
smart offspring in 1894 of proud
Ohio parents early signs of
burly humor then Exeter :.
and Yale the ,Uar and sailor
ing reading, lots of it -.
and finally ,criting-funny things
:. ''Parody Outline Of History"
screaming burlesque Per
feet Beharior," hilarious guide to
imperfect etiquette :. and others
too humorous to mention.
And no,C-Mr. Steuart is ,Crit-
ing a series Of articles entitled
"The Other Day" for Star read
ers. His strikingLy comic method
of hauing his characters express
aloud the thoughts ,0hich gener-
ally ,cander through ones mind
unuttered, together uith his cain,
and maize style, makes this series
just hilariously funny.
Evening star., 1926-10-03

Isidore-III 20 dOWnStalTS
for ii, hobba.
Mr.. Feitlehaum-Aha" CSMACko
A dootifool son you bicame alrady, ha?
(SMACKD a Boy Scot YOU bicame
maybe ha? You should do itch day
a goot didd yat. ha? tSMACkD Lat
ters from de tittcher you eXpacting
alrady in de box, ha? (SMACk) Ul-
terror motors is developing by you
gradually, ha? tSMACKD Hairpeens
Evening star., 1926-10-03

Mrs Feitlebaum-WotI | gained dere
fife ponds
Mr.. Feitlebaum-In a hospital he
gained fife pOndS-hm!!
Evening star., 1926-10-03
TER DAY w w w By Donald Ogden Stewart

1.-THE spats are usual.
ly provided by the
groom" said the mes
senger boy.
Have you any refer
ences?" l asked.
He took off his cap.
pushed back his hair
and showed me three
scars. II got these at
different bachelors din
ners." he said. He
opened his mouth.
IL ook," he said. I
looked. "E-e-e-a Lii
ing. he said.
+ "What?" l asked.
"E-e-e.a I-i-i-i-n-g," he
replied.
II am afraid don't
understand" 1 said.
He closed his mouth.
II said. see that fill
ing" he explained.
"O," l said.
He opened his mouth
again and pointed with -
his fingers. l looked a
and nodded. It's got VIZ
initials on it," / re-
marked. Very inter
esting; and dates. too"
He shook his head in the
tive and then closed his mout
more. II got that" he explain
being an usher at n swell c
wedding in Toledo"
What did the best man get?
Eddie; "a nice painless extract
II can't remember" said Il
senger boy. I'VE were prett
eyed. You know how those
! parties are"
Well" I said, II don't kl
certainly need one more usher
badly" Just then the strange
peared riding on the messengt
bicycle.
II came back for some
clips" he explained.
II haven't any trouser clip
the messenger 10y. and yo
punctured my front tire
II wondered why it steered
ly," said the stranger, and
the telegram in my hand he rel
mo bad news, l hope"
Yes" l replied, lone of my
aunts has died"
What a pity" said the ST
"but she is probably happier"
"She is happier than / am
piled. THE wedding is only
off and I don't seem to be abl'
more than three ushers."
"Ah." said the stranger, will
gratiating smile. How fort
Evening star., 1926-10-03
BY MILT GROSS.

FRS. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
~ --L0oy-Go donstess you
IN should take hout from de
Evening star., 1926-10-03

r VE stepped into the smoking
compartment of the Pullman.
where | was sitting alone.
He had on an expensive
Evening star., 1926-10-03
BY RING LARDNER.
Chapter ii of AutObiOgrapfy.

A MERICA was now taking its
~ place with the rest of the
"A world in the arts and sciences
4 a and the year 1899 saw two
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
Mills Hits Brown

Atlanta, Ga.-Jemes II. Mills, can
didate for commissioner of agricui-
ture, today gave out the following:
"The last week has given me re-
newcd strength and enthusiasm.
Every report is encouraging. The
people everywhere have received me
enthusiastically and my mail is filled
with letters pledging support
Possibly l should note two or
three things. Against the charges
of nepotism the commissioner has
vainly fought the windmills. After
three columns of intense agony Com
missioner Brown has brought forth
not even mouse He did produce
one affidavit from Peter V. Rice and
sob story about one nephew. He
did not mention his three sons on the
pay roll of his department and the
Board of Entomology, nor his nu-
merous relatives, both by blood and
marriage, so this charge stands prov
en-, as is evidenced by expressions
from the people from every section
of Georgia, calling at my headquar-
tiers in person, phoning on long dis
lance, and by letters.
"For the further information to
the people, will advise that l have
been keeping in close touch with
Commissioner Browns activities since
the campaign opened. He has been
rushing frantically from one Con-
gressional district to another, holding
caucusses with his horde of oil in
spectors. Realizing that the farming
and business interests are up in arms
against him, he is appealing to his
machine with all the vigor of his soul
in an effort to stem the tide. The
race as it stands today as far as he
is concerned is straight-out fight be-
tween the oil inspectors and the far
mers of the State; but the days of
political control by the Agricultural
Department are over, and the people
realize more and more every day that
l am the only representative candi-
date of the farming interest.
"Now is the time for renewed ac-
tivity on the part of all my friends.
The tide is running strong in our ia
vor, and Sept. will see the Depart !
ment of Agriculture restored to the
farmers of the State to become a
source of real aid and assistance to
the man at the plow and the boy with
the hoe"
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
HARD TO FIND

A Fitzgerald man, driving his au-
tomobile along little-used country
road, heard something rattle beneath
his car, stopped, looked back and saw
a bright metal object lying in the
road short distance behind. 1t was
a plow-point, evidently lost by some
farmer.
It was fully half an hour before
the next car came along, and its oc-
cupant stopped and asked what the
trouble was,
The Fitzgerald man emerged and
held up the plow-point.
"This blooming thing dropped off
my car" he said, "and I've been
hunting for half an hour to find ont
where it belongs"
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
TIME OF DELIVERANCE

The local class of the |. B. S. A. |
is arranging for lecture to be given |
Tuesday, July 27, at 500 p. M, at /
the Court House. Mr.. E. B. Sheffield |
will be the speaker. 1t is said that he
has had considerable experience as a
speaker and is thoroughly familiar
with his subject.
The topic of the lecture is: "The
Time of Deliverance." 1t will call
attention to the many unsatisfactory
conditions that exist in the earth at
this time, and with which we are all
so familiar No one can deny that
there is much evil in the world, and
many find it difficult to harmonic
the fact of its permission with the
Scriptural statement that God is love.
The speaker will point out that evil
has been permitte dior good pur-
pose, and that the time is now here
for the overthrow of all evil institu-
tions and the delivereance of the
world from the conditions that have
so long been a source of sorrow and
distress.
The time is coming, so the speaker
asserts, when absolutely righteous
conditions will be operative in the
earth. He will support his claim with
quotations from the Old and New
Testaments, and will call attention to
prophecies that are having fulfilment
in our day, thus giving us ground for
confident faith that the promises and
prophecies concerning the good times
that are coming will also be fulfilled.
The prophecy concerning the time
of delieverance applies at the present
time. The very conditions that we
see about us, distress and perplexity
among statesmen and others at this
time are pointed out by our Lord in
his prophecy concerning the end OF
the old order of things and the in
PRODUCTION of the new, it is stated.
The speaker will show that as evi
had a definite time of beginning 81
also it will have definite time t.
end, and that this is called in tn
Scriptures "the time of deliverance.
The world has had bitter expe
rience with evil and will, undoubted
ly, be glad to take advantage of tn
blessed opportunities for life, ibert
and true happiness that will be with
in its reach when the new order o
things is established and the rule o
righteousness begins.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
SMALL FARMS OFTEN
SHOW BIG YIELDS
LARGE ACREAGE NOT NECES-
sARY TO SUCCESSFUL FARM
ING, GEORGIA EXPERTS SAY.
SMALL TRACTS IN DEMAND.

Atlanta, Ga.-Large acreage rs by
no means necessary to SUCCESSFUL
farming, it was pointed out at the
State Department Of Agriculture TO-
day, when attention was called TO
letter from a man in distant state
who said he was coming to this state
and start business on a tract OF three
or five acres. 1t was stated IN thls
connection that numerous letters
had been received from northern and
eastern farmers containing the in
formation that the inquirers wanted
small tracts.
1.-TWO farmers met in the office OF
one of the divisions of the depart
ment," it was stated. Zone informed
the other that he had just purchased
ten acres and was going to farm ex-
intensively-on 1T.
Can you make a living on ten
acres?' he was asked. His reply was,
We'll, am going to try; and II L
can't make a living on ten acres, l
know | can on five"
Small farms we'll cultivated often
yield greater returns than bread
acres, it was stated. AS an example,
it was told how a woman living in a
northern state wrote that she was
coming to- Georgia and operate a
farm, poultry business and hog
raising business on ten acres. She
said that such a tract would be amply
sufficient for her purposes.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
MINUTES OF CEORGIA'S
FIRST MASONIC LODGE,
SAVANNAH, RECOVERED

, Savannah, Ga.-Back in Savannah
after more than $50 years, the extant
! portion of the first minute book OF
Solomon's lodge, No. 1, Free,and Ae-
copied Masons, will'be formally pre-
sented to the lodge at it's first meet
ing in August.
The book, conceded by authorities
to be-. the most valuable Masonic
document in : Georgia, if not in the
entire southeast was secured from
the Library of Congress after legls-
lation authorizing it had been passed
by both houses of congress. :. ;,
The document, preserved in silk
covering by experts, rests nowgln the
custody of James R. Cain, secretary
of the lodge 1t is safely put, away
in a vault from whence it will be re-
moved to be carried to the lodge,
there to be restored to the archieves
of the first Masonic lodge in Georgia.
The minute book was written up In
ink, the secretary using;a quill pen.
The penmanship is excellent and the
ink today is as black as when it first
flowed on the page. The records con-
tain the names of many men famous
in the colony and state.
Solomon's lodge was established by
James Edward Oglethorpe, founder
Of the colony. General Oglethorpe
was the first worshipful master OF
the lodge which he established on
February 10, 1884. The minute book
which has just been returned to Sa-
vannah was supposed to-, have been
take nfrom Savannah by the British
during the revolution. The library
of congress, some years ago secured
it among the records in New Eng
land collection.
William B. Clark, past worshipfui
master Of Solomon's lodge and au-
thor of EARLY and historic Free Ma
sorry of Georgia" while on the trail
of lost records worked up the case
for Solomon's lodge which resulted
in the congressional library record
being returned here. He discovered
and arranged the proofs of owner
ship and for this work was awarded
a life membership in Solomon's lodge.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
LIONS OBJECTS

To promote the theory and practice of the prin-
cples of good government and good citizenship.
To take an active interest in the civic, CONNER
cial social and moral welfare of the community.
To unite the members in the bonds of friendship,
good fellowship and mutual understanding.
To provide forum for the full and free discus
sion of all matters of public interest partisan poll
tics and sectarian religion alone excepted
To encourage efficiency and promote high ethical
standards in business and professions provided that
no club shall hold of its objects financial
benefits to its members.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
Boyish Bob? Too Bad!

Mrs. Irene Castle Mclaughlin, who
inaugurated the bobbed hair fad nine
or ten years ago, comes forth now
with statement that she's really
sorry she set the fashion which shat
tered the hairpin and hair net bust
ness.
But she isn't grieving for the hair
pin and hairnet. She is sorry be-
cause so many of her sisters have
gone to the extent of getting boy
ish bob"
81 never had any idea it would be
carried to such extremes" says Mrs.
Mclaughlin. ''It's too bad"
Yes, it is.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
COMMITTEES

}
PUBLIC AFFAIRS-W. H. Lasster, Chairman;
l. Gelders, B. l. Anderson.
FJNANCE-Cbester Strickland, Chairman; J. F.
Paulk, Cecil Powell.
MEMBERSHIP-Frank James, Chairman; lloyd
Meeks Ralph Adams, Dr. W C. Folsom, H. W.
Moran.
PROGRAM-E. G. Hale, Chairman; W. c. Helton,
Homer Waters, r. g. Johnson, W. H. Lassiter, e.
Kruger, ]. A. Evans.
EDUCATION-W. B. Moye, Chairman; DR.. H. L.
Holtzendorff, S. G. Burlington
AGRICULTURE-W. H. Anderson, Chairman; W.
B. Moody, L. P. Hggs.
GOOD FELLOWSHIP-W o. Triplett, Chairman;
Lou Winn Mark Mayes. H. H. Hill, Philip Hal
perrin, A. w Fowler, R. E. Rosser.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

must destroy the snake before it can
reunite. 1t is easy if we destroy the
several Joints one at time.
This jointed snake represents the
Brown machine. Lem Jackson is the
head, the brain, J. ]. Brown the we'll
filled nav, Bridges the connecting
Joint between them, and j. II. Mills
the tail, that now seeks to wig-wag
it All.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
A POOR WIND

A lot of people stood before a
garage looking at a balloon which
foated above the floor.
whats the matter?" l asked.
ooh, boyish trick. You see that
rack of inflated tires?"
eyes"
"Well, some boys were on the way
home from school, and one of them
said he would remove a valve and
blow one of the tires up still more. "
ooh, | see. This is the tire he
blew u.s."
mot at all. That is the boy"
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

Having decided that the ball must
travel at least $50 feet before home
run. will be allowed, 1.-THE baseball mag
mates may now be expected at any
time to take up the matter of the
least number of peanuts in bag.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
USEFUL AS WELL AS
ORNAMENTAL

Autoist in rural district: "You
certainly have the most beautiful
trees ON your farm" =:
Farmer: "Bet your life! There's
enough fire wood in 'em to last me
the rest o my life" "A
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

A recent Fitzgerald bride told her
mother that she loved her husband,
but he was bit dull. "Don't wor-
ry," said the mother, "the good ones
are always dull"
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
TRY AN EARTHQUAKE

"What was that terrific explosion
last night"
what time?"
about eight o'clock"
IT don't know, my wife and / were
discussing money matters about that
time and l didn't notice it."
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

We can see why the girls paint
their lips a roster red than nature
ever made Them. also why they pen
Gil their eyebrows and perform lot
of other camoufages intended to
bolster up their charms, but we have
never yet been able to understand
why some of them daub their cheeks
with salmon-colored-p paint, the like of
which nature never even attempted
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
MAN ABOUT TOWN

The gum-chewing habit may not be
very ladylike but Homer Waters says
that it is much better than chewing
the rag all the time.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

When woman motorist holds out
her hand, then you can be certain
that she is either going to turn to
the right, turn to the left or stop.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

Somebody has invented a square
doughnut So long as the hole is
made no larger it's quite all right
with us.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22

Girls! Do you want men to say
there is a certain mystery and magic
about you? Do Syou want to know
how to make familiar room seem
touched with the. faint breath of
sweet dreams? Do you crave to be
subtly, marvelously changed. Well,
burn incense.
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
MEMBERSHIP FITZGERALD
LIONS CLUB

OFFICERS
w. A. ADAMS, President
c.. M. CHASTAIN, Vice President
c.. F. BRADSHAW, Secretary
J. C.. WILSON, Treasurer
w. C.. HELPON, District Trustee
HOMER WATERS, Tail Twister
w. B. MOODY, Lion Tanner
Graley Hale, Song Leader
w. C. HELTON, Asst. Song Leader
Fitzgerald leader enterprise and press. (Fitzgerald, Ben Hill County, Ga.) 1921-1964, 1926-07-22
A SHORT CUT

Taxi driver to passenger: IF va
amt in a. hurry I'll drive around dat
crowd O. people"
Morgan County Democrat. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1886-1943, 1926-06-24
East Windsor

The over Sunday meeting at Fair
view held by Benjamin Thisselle
was we'll attended. He states that
he will be back again in September,
to hold evangelistic meetings.
Mr.. and Mrs. Earl Phillips and
Mr.. and Mrs. VIM. Harvey spent
Sunday with C. III. Phillips and wife.
VIM. Barber, the new ferryman at
Beckett, has built himself a shanty
and says that he will be there at all
hours to accommodate the people.
Mt. Olivet Sunday school had an
attendance of 60 last Sunday-Blues
473; Reds ATT points. Come out
next Sunday and help your side win.
r. M. Sells and wife spent Sunday
with B. ID. Sells and family.
Kate Harris spent a few days at
Earl Phillips last week.
Miss Phyllis Graham who was to
have left for Chicago last week for
a visit, has postponed it until this
week. She expects to be gone about
three weeks.
There will be an ice cream social
at Mt. Olivet church Saturday night,
July 8. Everybody come. The
ladies are asked to bring cakes.
The good road meeting was held
last Saturday night at the East
Windsor grange. A large attend
ance, and refreshments were served,
Morgan County Democrat. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1886-1943, 1926-06-24
Rural Dale

| After a lingering illness of some
. time, Mrs. Jennie E. Rutledge, aged
81 years, passed away at her home
near Gaysport at / o'clock last
thursday. She was the widow OF
the late Samuel Rutledge and is
survived by two sons, DR.. w. Cloud
Rutledge of New York City. and
George Rutledge of the home. The
deceased was highly regarded by all
her acquaintances, and had been a
member of the Duncan Falls M. E.
church for number of years. She
lived on fine farm near Duncan
Falls for over 40 years before selling
1t, when she purchased another
farm near Gaysport, where she re-
sided for about 10 years. Funeral
services were conducted at her late
home Saturday afternoon at 2
o'clock, Rev. Cunningham officiat-
ing, after which the body was TAX
en- to the Rural Dale cemetery,
where interment was made.
Mrs. Hoadly White and son Will
liam and daughter Dorothy of Vir-
Silld, aItef visit of several days
with the formers parents Mr.. and
Mrs. o. B. Scott here, have returned
to their home.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lewis Shilling and
daughter Gladys and Mr.. and Mrs.
Frank Peairs went to Toledo to at
tend the funeral of Mr.. Frank Ken
nison last Saturday.
Your scribe and husband surely
spent a pleasant day last Sunday at
the home of Mr.. and Mrs. James
Ross and daughter Pauline on Vir-
glnia Ridge, not far from Gaysport.
Mr.. Ross came in his auto in the
morning for us and brought US home
IN the evening. We had only been
home a little while, when a party of
ladies in autos from GAINESVILLE,
came and made short visit with us
at our home.
Morgan County Democrat. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1886-1943, 1926-06-24
Meigs

Children's day at Meigs this Sun,
day evening at s.
j. A. Goddard and family OF
Washington C. H., spent last week
with Mrs Goddard's parents Mr.
and Mrs. S. sheridan.
In a letter from Gilbert Carnes OF
Toledo, we learn his father has not
improved Did not say when he
would undergo an operation
Rev. J. l.. Nuzum and family NOV
ed to the j. p. sarnes house last
week, instead of the week before,
as they had intended when we
wrote last weeks copy.
The infant child of Mr.. and Mrs.
VIM. Stovert who recently moved
to the Smith house, has been SER
iously i'll.
The road work on Bristol hill is
held up by the fact that the culverts
! are not completed.
The fund raised to take care of
! the Meigs cemetery is about eX-
! hausted, there not being enough left
in the treasury to pay for another
moving. What shall we do? Folks
away from here were much more
generous before than home folks.
Home folks had been doing the
work for several years without any
outside help. 1t is up to you. A
few who signed before have not
paid up yet.
The wedding of Ellis Wilson, son
Of Mr. and Mrs. c. C. Wilson and
Miss Violet Wilson, daughter Of MIR.
and Mrs. VIM Wilson (Grace
Bowen), is announced for this Sat
urday evening. We will tell you
about it next week.
Miss Alice Nuzum who is attend
ing summer school in West Virginia,
has been employed to teach there
the coming year.
Mrs. Harry Robb and little
daughter Norma Gene of Gaysport,
are visiting her parents Mr.. and
Mrs. t. Il. Sines. They returned
home Monday
A farm paper of national reputa-
ton asked the Meigs scribe to send
them the names of persons in Bris-
tol township interested in farming,
either as farmers or tenants. We
found from memory 202. Only one
name from each home was required
If you haven't school you can
still apply for No l. Only Is ap-
plications have been received for
this school to date
Mr.. and Mrs. Fred Holtinger of
Newark and Harry Robb of Gays
port spent Sunday at the Sines
home.
Political Forecast
Unfair and hotter. Increasing
cloudinesx followed by much thun-
der.