The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-11-01
FOR BIGGER AND BETTER
JAILS
BY n. ID. Cochran

Following up her energetic policy OF II will" Chi
cago will build the biggest and best Jail in the country
costing about $7,500O0O
Approaching the necessity and value of more
and bigger jals the people in that enterprisng burg
have already voted $4,500,000 for the ailhouse
and will vote additional 100000 this fall.
Nothing is said about bigger and better section
for murderers, but, that isn't important because
they don't catch many of them in Chicago They find
it efficient to let nature take its to
murder, so long as it is confined to gangand where
the murderers murder another with neatness and
dispatch.
But there plenty of candidates for prison
throughout the country without bothering the muir
derers. Laws have multiplied that the demand for
jail space all the country greatly exceeds the
supply. Chicago is merely filling a long-fet want.
And doubtless the movement for bigger and better
jails will spread all over the country.
If we get more jails and bigger ones that
there will be for all, then proceed to
enact more laws and invent crimes.
Many people still do things that other and purer
people don't think they ought to do Literally millions
Of sinners smoke cigarets stogies cigars and pipes
and some men chew tobacco and some women rub
snuff There is an organization of saints paving the
earth and breathing fire from their nostrs in their
eagerness to give battle those tobacco sinners; and
in due time expect to the righteous forces
of the AntiSaloon League put another amend
ment to the great American Constitution. That would
mean demand for Jail room.
The Lords Day Alliance, another army of sanity
reformers is also chatting at the bit and in big
hurry to penalize Sunday baseball football golf
ing, tennis and other ungodly forms of sport and
amusement on Sunday. If they succeed in their
heavenly design Well have to have more jails for
Sunday sinners.
There seems to be something's so terribly perverse
about millions of American men, women and children
that they won't listen to the soft peadings Funda
mentaist shepherds of the flock, so in make
America safe for saints we'll have to resort to
sterner measures of reform. That means more laws,
more policemen with clubs and more jails
We will need Jail room for all scientists who don't
take their physics, biology and astronomy from the
Old Testament. Also for fappers who wear one-piece
bathing suits at orthodox bathing beaches There
must be for editors who are contemptuous of
contemplate judges in contemplate Likewise
for labor agitators who persist in the absurd belief
that the Bill of Rights what it says about
speech and the right peaceably to assemble.
Besides the Jail room need for bootleggers
hijackers, brewers dstillers greedy prohib
ton agents provision must be made for future prog
ress in reform by providing space for sinners who
seek worldly amusement Sunday. a well as for
golfers, motorists and all outdoor fends who find
sermons in trees flowers and running brooks instead
of listening to dull sermons in stodgy churches.
POSSIBLY we will have to extend the jaihousing
problems take in everybody but 100 per cent male
Protestant, white Americans. We don't seem to be
able to make people be good in the way them
to be good except by batting them the head with
copper's club putting them in JAIL And as we
all Christians and don't want be rough we pre-
fer the jalhouse to the club
So might well begin now to emulate Chi
Cages illustrous example and building bigger
and better jais, and more of 'em
Next: HeadIining Sins