The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-05-27

what they calleQ the OlQ StuU, Lno
excuses they'd used so often befonel
Do you wonder that telephone girls
have got to be shown before they'll
consent to listen to the tinkle OF their
own wedding bellsG
rBut the men who come here to
send phone excuses to their wives
don't mind the telephone girl at all
They take it for granted that the
telephone girl is used to all that stun
which, Of course, she really Island
so they aren't a particle shy about
discussing just what lies they're go
ing to try to fix up for their wives.
Why, some Of them even ask me to
suggest a new excused
only a couple of evenings ago /
had case like that He was care
less looking middle-aged man, and he
was twisting his mustache and looking
real reflective as he sauntered toward
me here. He. gave me the number he
/ wanted. and then he leaned over-not
leeringly or fiirtily at all, understand
but just in cold-Dlood businesslike
way-and he said:
Loot anything new in the square
it7at-home liner
"Of course, knew perfectly well
what he meant. but wasn't going to
admit It. But my refusing to admit
1t didn't cark him any.
GA thing that there's a great. cry
ing need for, he said to me in a re-
Elective tone, is a sort of Everyday
Book of Lies" little brochure like
that would save tired people like my
self, for example, lot of trouble. For
instance, If there were such book
on file here at the present moment I'D
| be spared not little irking thought
I'd just turn over to the section Of the
book devoted to the particular kind Of
lie that / desire at present to employ,
and there 1t would be. as pat as fell
lows strictly original toast that he
gets out of a Book of Toasts." I'm
going to suggest the building Of such
a book to some writing fellows of my
acquaintance 1t could be called "The
Handy Liar" or Zone Thousand Pat
Lies" or Lies For Every Occasion"
or something equally descriptive and
satisfying. In the meantime, hang it
all, | wonder what I'm going to-
and the rest Of 1t dribbled off into a
sort of humble ! was too busy with
other excusers a minute or so later
| to listen to what kind of an excuse he
was giving his wife over the phone;
but I'll bet it was an ingenious one
That's the worst of it. by the
way-the wheedling, deceitful way
the men who invent these deliberate
yarns tell them to their wives over
the phone, I can't help but oyerhear
| a good deal of that stuff ON the line,
and sometimes feel as Il could
jump up and shake the men who are
telling their wives those shocking,
bamboozling stories that rye heard
them make up in talk with each other
only minute or SO before.
''Well,' q man will say to his COM
panion, IN see II can uncoil that
one on her, and he gives me the num-
Der and goes into the booth. Pres
emily | hear him making his little
opening talk,
"Doll heart the horrid ruf1an
says to her in sort of languishing
tone. is that you? Bjinks, but it's
nice to hear your dear little voice,
honey bug! Say, little wan, there
wasn't chance on earth for me to
make the dinner thing at home this
evening, and then he plunges in and
unreels the dreadful story he has
made up. 1T sure did make me sore
he goes on then, to be kept downtown
| like that. I'd a million times rather
be mooching around the little nest
| with my bluhbsywubbsy, and you
know 1t, but aud then he goes on
| with lot more like that, perhaps
winking all the time at his grinning
companion standing outside the booth,
and it certainly is enough to give
anybody what they call the biggest
kind OF line on men and their
ways.
mot, Of course, am glad to say,
that these men get away with their
'phoned excuses every time, or any
thing like every time AS a matter OF
fact, should say that they don't put
their yarns over more than about
in three times, and notice that the
men who succeed in making their
stories stick are usually the youngish
sort of men, who look as If they're not
long married.
"The thing, by the way, that gets
an of these phone excusers is a lit
tie intimation from the wife that she's
going out herself. That's the one
number they can't stand, 1t STAN
pedes them every time when wife at
the other end of the line says in
sort of careless tone that she doesn't
mind how long they stay out, because
she's going out with little party her
self. 1t gets EN- every time, and they
never fail to become sober and SOM
Der and glooruy-jawed right away and
to beat it up to their homes as fast as
L..