davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-04-04

away on beer on account of being
put to sleep with about IS cents
worth"
"Be that as in May" says I, "but
the point I'm getting at is that the
same goops that are whooping lit up
for the brew are also yelling for the
vino. You're not going to try to tell
me that you can't get a battling jag
on with champagne or port wine, are
you?"
''I guess you cam" admits Finne-
gan, "but you got to remember that
most of the folks in this country
don't give a whoop for wine"
Maybe the old-timers didn't"
comes back, "but the Italians and the
others who've come to the country
in the last 90 years are cuckoo
about it. Anyhow, how long do you
think a whisky drinker would be
| satisfied with the kick in 2.75 beer|'
"If he couldn't get anything else,
says High Dome" he'd soon get
educated to beer"
Bunk and bale of piffie," | snorts
| 1.-THE prohibitionists have been saying
! that you could educate people into
| ginger ale
! LOOK out, WARNS rIhhe6e1it' VI
! you'll be stepping on the drys' toes
| again. ! thought you were arguing
! again st the wets?"
Whats an argument for the
/ goose" says l, lis an argument for
! the gander. If the drys couldn' t
| train the people out of hard drink
! how are the beer and wine boosters
+! going to do it? DO you think boot
| leggers are going to stop selling
| whisky because you can go to
! government dispensary and buy a
| case of beer?"
! According to your way of think
ing" remarks High Dome" ''the
Evening star., 1926-04-04

Practically all our efficient light,
heat and power comes from the sun.
The business man may form some
idea of it's intensity by imagining the
entire lighting system of any two
great American cities grouped into a
single bulb; 1t would be but little su-
perior to the sun.
The moon, situated quite close to
the earth but of no value, revolves
around the earth and can be distinctly
seen on a clear night outside the city
limits. During a temporary break
down of the lighting plant in New
York City few years ago, the moon
was distinctly seen moving past the
tower of the Metropolitan Life Build
ing. 1t cleared the Flatiron Building
by a narrow margin.
Those who saw it reported it as
somewhat round but not well shaped,
and emitting an inferior light which
showed that it was probably out of
order.
The planets, like the earth, move
around the sun. The planet Mars is
of especial interest, inasmuch as it's
surface shows traces of what are evil
IDENTIFY canals which come together at
junction points where there must be
hotels. 1t has been frequently pro-
Evening star., 1926-04-04

the meat axe, and that, SO far as l
was concerned, in another minute II
would be a case of omit flowers, my
list was finished But it was only his
pipe he was looking for. And when he
had found it. and lighted it, and it
had gone right out, he sat down again
with the catalogue, perfectly happy.
Now Jennie. he SAYS, that finishes
the vegetable list. All but some al
falfa. Let's have a Coupla rows OF
alfalfa. what say? And l says I'd
rather not say, I'm a lady, but l tell
YOU George, you are biting off more
han you can chew. And he says /
don't intend TO chew the alfalfa, only
cows do that, and mules.
And 1 says, all right dear, but if
YOU are going to be stubborn as all
that you may be in the class to chew
it yet. Remember this is only April,
wait until the mid-season when there
no trouble telling the plants from
the weeds, both being big enough to
distinguish easy. Thatu be the time
| will get the bawling out for insisting
n such a big garden.
| know you, dear, you are raising
pretty picture in your mind, right
now. But when the sun is hot on the
Sma of your back, and there are
more corns on your knees from weed
ing the corn-hills, than there are on
the cobs you are manicuring, why 1t
won't be a pretty vision of growing
things you will be raising, believe you
me. vou will be raising particular cane,
instead, and it won't be the sugar-bear-
ing variety, neitheri
Well, Geo. lit his pipe again before
answering, took two puffs, and as
soon as it went out. he give me one
look over the top of his glasses. Yeh.
he says, but what's the use having a
garden at all unless it's big enough to
be a regular knockout? And | says
oh it'll be a knockout all right all
right, you'll be taking the count in
the first round with the tomato bugs,
and I'll be the one to feed them their
daily ration of Paris green while
you're on the eight-f1fteen telling the
smoking car all about that wonder
full garden of yours!
/ know how you men talk in the
smoking-car, you not only call spade
a spade, but you give the impression
that you actually use one. That's on
Evening star., 1926-04-04

they wasn't no means Of finding out
as the 8 hot favorites had roomed to-
gether so long that when one of them
made up his or her mind to run sew
enth the other two stuck so close to
their buddy that it was pretty near
dead heat for the honOrs TO which
Philadelphia National League ball
club generally always establishes
undisputed claim.
AS for San Diego and Coronado they
supplied 10 straight days of the kind
of weather you would order for all the
yr around. At Coronado one of the
features was John Mccormack, o
, tenor singer, resting between recitals.
We seen him play tennis with Maurice
Mclaughlin, former bullet or some
thing of the courts. Mr.. Mclaughlin
prefers golf now and amt the wizard
that he used to be in what somebody
has aptly turned the net game. As for
Mr. Mccormack, he covers a lot of
court One Of the young ladies in our
party boasted that she had stood an
inch from John at the race track. 1t
was pointed out to her that this was
physically impossible.
If anybody wants to know, we spent
the rest of our time down there fish
ing and eating and attending a show.
Evening star., 1926-04-04

" IIHlN recent years 1t Is De
n coming clear that uni
| NN versity is now u super
| fiuous institution. College
teaching is being replaced
| by such excellent little manuals as the
| Fireside University Series. the World 5
| Tiniest Books, the Boys Own Comic
Section. and the Little Folks Spher-
| ical Trigonometry.
Thanks to books such as these, no
Young man in any station of life need
suffer from an unsatisfied desire for
learning. He can get rid OF 1t IN
day. In the same way any business
man who wishes to follow the main
currents of history. philosophy and
radio-activity may do so while chang
| ing his shirt for dinner.
The worlds knowledge is thus re
| duced to a very short compass. But
| l doubt if even now it is suff1ciently
| concentrated. Even the briefest out
| lines yet produced are too long for the
modern business man. We have 10
| remember that the man is busy. And
when not busy he is tired.
He has no time to go Wadlng
| through five whole pages of print just
to find out when and why Greece rose
| and fell. 1t has got to fall quicker
than that If it wants to reach him.
AS to reading up an account, with dia-
| grams, of how the protozoa dlfferen-
| tiated itself during the twenty million
years Of the pleistocene era into the
| first invertebrate. the thing IS out or
| the question. The man hasn't got
! twenty million years.
The whole process is too long. we
need something shorter, snapper,
something that brings more 1mmedl-
ate results.
From this point Of view l have pre-.
pared some outlines in the fields OF
science and literature. Each is so
written as to give to the busy man
enough and Just exactly enough of
each of the higher branches of learn
| ing. At the moment when he has had
enough, I stop.
1. THE BUSINESS OUTLINE
OF ASTRONOMY.
The world or universe in which we
I do our business consists OF an lntln-
ite number, perhaps a hundred bill
lion. perhaps not, Of blazing stars ac-
| companied by comets, dark planets'
asteroids, asterisks, meteors, meteor
ties. and dust clouds whirling IN vast
circles in all directions and at all Velo-
| cities. How many of these bodies are
hahitahle and fit for business we do
The light emitted from these stars
comes from distances so vast tnat
| most Of It is not here yet. But owing
| to the great distance involved, the
light from the stars is or no CONNER
| cial value.
Evening star., 1926-04-04

countrys going to be full of bootleg
hooch no matter what happens"
NO" says /, there's a way of
fixing up the whole thing"
"Shoot," urges Finnegan. You
are getting funny"
"It could be fixed" I goes on, "if
the drys and vets would stop being
hypocrites and play the whole game
out in the open"
How" asks High Dome, " "are the
vets hypocrites?"
Beer and light wine talk is the
bunk" says /. There is hardly a lad
shouting for changing the Volstead
act that doesn't know that the minute
| you let in beer and wine you'll also let
in whisky. When you put a hole in
coming through"
Suppose whisky does come back?"
asks Finnegan. What of it?'
That's not the question" says I,
but why don't the ants come clean
and come out for all kinds of liquor
| while they're at it. If a birds per-
sonal liberty entities him to a glass of
| beer or bottle of red ink it also en-
| titles him to a slug of hooch If he
wants it. What are you going to do
measure personal liberty by a 2.75
rule?"
We'll" returns High Dome" ''to
be honest a lot of the vets would like
| high powered booze back, but they're
afraid the public amt ripe yet to go
all the ways, They figure, l guess,
that once they get beer and wine they
can also get whisky legalized."
II suppose" I sneers, you're one
# those that believes that if the peo-
pie had chance to vote they'd get
beer and wine back"
I'm sure of it," says Finnegan.
That's because you live in New
York and haven't ever been out of a
large city, says /. You ought to
Evening star., 1926-04-04

account the ladies is excluded, and
can't let on how the field work is gen
trally done by the Junior and the
cooks boy-friend at Csc to one berry
a hour No. Geo, / says, I'm not
conner let you take on all that work
for somebody else.
But Geo by this time didn't even
hear me. He had turned a few pages
further in the catalogue, and big,
bold red rose, not much larger than a
ten ID. cabbage. was staring him in
the fact. 1t was a colored photo, and
from the size Of the bloom, any fool
could see il must of been taken
through a magnifying glass. But the
type that reads them catalogues, why
they lose their good sense, if any, the
minute they see the cover of the
darned thing, and Geo. was no excep-
ton, except in the sense he was eX-
ceptionally susceptible.
BY gollies. he hollered at once. For
the luvva tripe, lookit this beaut, will
va? We pretty near forgot all about
roses, say, Jennie, we simply got to
have some of these! Put down the
name. THE Lord Protectus Rose. a
special variety of hardly semi-annual,
late blooming species, four year old
entries from our own graft-depart-
ment, six dollars apiece, five dollars
for ten, four dollars for fifty, three
dollars a hundred. FOB. Detroit"
x Z X X
WELL, all right, l says, III put it
w down, and / guess I'd better write
out the whole thing, on account by
the time you have give up looking
keenly at the dead brown stalks OF
them roses, and breaking off a tooth
pick a day from them to see is there
any signs of life, you will of forgotten
what they are all about, the same as
you done with them Merry Ramblers
last year. Say, dear, what kinda bugs
and beetles come free with that vari-
ETY. of roses. or doesn't the catalogue
say? And do they prefer arsenic or
tobacco dust as a steady diet?
But onct again Geo. wasn't listening.
He had come to the part of the cata-
logue where they park the wheelbar'
rows, cultivators, garden hose, and
etc, and pretty soon his shopping list
begun to sound like one of mine.
Listeni he says, put down hose
Evening star., 1926-04-04
Expert Information Pr0hbiti0nL law Hm0r and Spring
Coming Back From Tia Juana Visitors
Wonder What the Border Inspectors d
BY RING LARDER.

TO the Editor: Our little party
reached San Diego under
kind of "a Paul as entire
family from Iowa had just
killed themselfs at Tia Juana
and it was therefore with kind of
mingled. feelings that we crossed
acroSt the border to take our first
peek at the sporty little Mexican town.
However, we put in three different
days in Tia Juana without none OF
us even suggesting a suicide pack
for ourselfs though they was some
talk to the effect that a couple of the
Jockeys could enter into one without
us donning widows weeds on acct.
of same.
For the benefit of those that has not
been there will state that Tia Juana
is city of about so buildings of
which three amt saloons. Besides the
accessories that goes with a ordinary
saloon the Tia Juana saloons is equip
ped with crap games and poker dice
games and baccarat games. TO say
nothing about the old fashion slot
machine which has been ruled out of
every civilized community for 20 yrs.
and which not even the biggest liars in
the world ever claimed they had beat
them. Also pretty near every saloon
has got "a electric piano and il Is
nothing unusual to see or 4 couple
dancing right in the bar rm. at IL
o'clock in the am. and all ready u
cOckeyed l never seen Goldfeld or
Nome in the old days, but Tia Juana
reminds me of them.
In the mix-up accompanying the
suicide of the four Iowans the Tia
Juana chief of police got prominent
mention. What strikes the visitor as
strange about this is that the town
should have a chief Of police. Police
is supposed to enforce the laws of the
community in which they are located
and so far as could see they amt no
laws and having policemens is like
employing shepherds in a Third ave
nue. waffle parlor.
When you get ready to go home in
the evening, that is, to San Diego or
Coronado. ? or 3 officials of one kind
another stops your car at the border
and glanceS in the tonneau with about
the same amount of attention as is
lavished on a snowflake in Minnesota,
and then motions you to go ahead.
What they are looking for l could not
find out, but with the time and pains
they take for the search it seemed to
me like a person could smuggle in a
herd of elephants in the back seat of
one car WITH every elephant playing
the Marseillaise on a calliope.
The Tia Juana race track is in a
pretty little valley surrounded by
baby mountains. There is races on
the program every day which should
mean that the horses has got to make
good time or they will get bumped
into by the horses in the next race,
but it don't seem to mean no such a
thing. The first 3 or 4 races is given
over either to maidens or to horses
owned by owners that amt never
owned a winner and etc, and there
Evening star., 1926-04-04

4
81 Dome" Finnegan, where the
prohibitionistS are objectlng
to column writer's, vaudeville
actors and the SO forths MAX
ing fun of prohibition. They claim
that amt fighting fair"
Why" inquiries he, don't they get
some Of their folks to make fun OF
the Wets?"
IT'S strange" / remarks, but you
never do hear any jokes on the moist
babies, do you? | guess" / goes on,
That's because all the humorous stuff
in the country is published in large
cities and all the actors come from the
big towns"
There's something to that" admits
Finnegan, but according to the dry
lads so per cent of the folks in the
United States are against booze.
Wouldn't you imagine that out OF
50 ,000, 900 people you could assay as
many wisecraCkerS as you could get
out of 25,000,000? 1t amt possible, is
it, that all the swift brains in the
country are in the heads of the hooch
hoisters?"
Il don. know" says I, but I'm one
of these fair-play shouters. Let's be
funny with the vets for a change and
give the drys a break"
Where" snorts High Dome" "did
YOU get the idea you were funny?'
L didn't have no such idea," re-
turns. until the prohibition mob down
in Washington said we were poking
fun at them. SO the drys must think
we're funny. Now let's kid with the
vets, and maybe they'll get sore and
tell us to cut out being funny"
''As for instance" jeers F'innegan.
Let me think" says l.
You have my permission" replies
High Dome" gracious, but what
good will that do you? You also have
my permission to sing a seXtet all by
yourself, but you got as much chance
of doing one as the other"
THE VETS" l remarks, "are yelping
for beer and light wines, aren't they?"
What of it," snaps Finnegan, 'and
where does the laugh come in?"
What" l inquiries, "are light
wines?"
q don't know" answers High
Dome" "but--"
Nobody else does" cut in. isn't
it funny TO have guys in Congress and
all over the country yelping for some
thing they wouldn't know If they saw
it? Is champagne supposed to be a
Eght wine?"
Z E>.pSSnse So" says Finnegan.
%-si!." says I, here's something
that's funny, too. The birds that want
to give Nolstead the snow and ice are
claiming that we ought TO have beer
back because you can't get drunk or
beer unless YOU took a bath in val
of it and swallowed all the contents
You can't get drunk on beer,
barks High Dome" lin the sense
that youll go crazy and beat up the
wife and kids and heave grandma
out the window Three or four shots
of whisky might make a rabbit spit
in a bulldogs eye, but a gallon OF
beer wouldn't do anything but make
you loggy and sleepy. Two mince
pies would do the same thing. Where
does a loggy and sleepy guy set tc
be a menace to his neighbors? Also
you can't drink little Robby's shoes
Evening star., 1926-04-04
rII BE THE ONE

we need hose. And 1 says / know
we do, especially Junior, how that
boy goes through them is a wonder,
sometimes / think he must use scis-
sors, he wears the holes out so fast.
And Geo, who wasn't listening to
anybody but his own self, says, yeh,
get plenty of hose, we sure do need It..
And / says, all right. whatll | order,
sheer hose, chiffon hose, or hole-proof?
And Geo. says ole-proof, of course,
And ] says what color? Nude, or
plain black? And he says. gray, gray,
of course! And l says what size?
And he says the largest-in 25-foot
lengths.
And l says how many pair? And he
says aw cut that out. Say, Jennie,
order q cultivator, a hand cultiVator.
And I says why a hand cultivator,
whatcha conner cultivate your hands
for, sleight of hand, card-tricks or
picking pockets?
Wait! says Geo. Order a mani
cure-set for the rose bushes, a throat
atomizer for the lilies. a curry.comb
for the rice plants. and some hair
pins for the maiden's hair ferns. And
l says why dear, that last won't be
necessary, don't you know that all the
new varieties of maiden's hair grows
Shingle-bob nowadays? And Geo.
says aw, be serious, won't you? About
two months from now you'll appreci-
ate the thought l am putting into this
, garden, and you won't hesitate to eat
the canned corn and tomatoes we will
be getting!
And l says that's right, dear, you
said a mouthful. that's what III
| be eating sure enough if the garden is
the usual success. / know just how
hard you'll work at that garden once
it's planted. And Geo. says aw. SOS
your old man! And l says, aw, SOS
your wild oats!
And the next day 1 done a little
| sure-fire flower raising of my own.
cultivated batch of homemade bread
and set it by the stove to rise. And
| then l went downtown to the Five and
Dime Store and bought a big bunch of
artificial roses, on account l love both
nature and my husband. l know they
got moods and / like to be sure of
my table decorations,
Copyright. 1926.l
Evening star., 1926-04-04
Try to Find Out Which Wines Are Light,
Says the Hum orist, Assisting the Drys

take run through the corn belt some
time"
You got to remember" argues
High Dome" that all the soldiers
were over in Europe when the Vol
stead act was passed."
Yes" 1 cuts in, land you've got to
remember that about three-Quarters of
the country had voted itself dry be-
fore the war even started. Also you
got to remember that women have
got the vote since then and most of
them are not wet. I'll bet that not
10 States out of the 48 would vote to
change the Volstead act"
II suppose" remarks Finnegan,
"you haven't noticed the polls in the
newspapers"
Newspaper polls" says I, "only
show what newspapers want 'em to
show. Did you ever see a newspaper
poll that was won by the thing or per-
son that the newspaper was against?
Anyways, daily papers are read by
city folks. It's the lads that read the
weeklies that run this country"
Well" grunts High Dome" "I
don't see anything funny in what
you've said
maybe you DON'T" admits, 'but
the vets might, like the drys did on
the other occasion"
Copyright. 1920
Evening star., 1926-04-04
Outlines Of Everything Are Prepared
For Busy People at Their Very Busiest

has ever told him: and it is suggested
that some one ought to take hold OF
him.
Einstein is not married. 1t has been
reported by members of the Trenton
New Jersey Five O'Clock Astronomi-
cal Investigation Club that there is
romance in his life. He is thought to
have been thrown over by girl who
had a lot of money when he was
poor student, and it was this that
turned his mind to physics. Ii is held
that things work that way.
Whether married or not, he certain
" behaved himself like a perfect gen.
| tleman at all the clubs where he
spoke. He drinks nothing but black
i coffee.
Einstein's theories seem to have
made a great stir.
Madame Curie's Discoveries in Ra-
do Activity-Madame Curie may be
great scientist, but it is doubted
whether she is a likeable woman or
woman who could make home. Two
members of the Omaha Women's As
Economical and Physical Afternoon
Tea Society heard her when she spoke
in Washington in the course of her
American tour on the Radiation Of
Gamma Particles from Helium." They
say that they had some difficulty in
following her
They say she was wearing just
plain coat and skirt. but had quite a
good French blouse which certainly
| had style to IT, But they think that
| she lacks charm.
Rutherford's Researches in the
| Atomic Theory-Ernest Rutherford,
| or rather Sir Ernest Rutherford, as
| it is right to call him. because he was
made a knight a few years ago for
| something he did with molecules, Is
strikingly handsome man in early mid
| die age. Some people might consider
him as beginning to get old, but that
depends on the point of view.
If you consider man of 80 an old
man, then Sir Ernest is old. But the
assertion is made by many members
of various societies that in their opin-
| ion a man is at his best at so. Mem
bers who take that point of view
would be interested in Rutherford.
He has eyes of just that pale steely
blue which suggest to members some
thing powerful and strong, though
members are unable to name it. Ger
| tainly he made a perfectly wonderful
impression on the Ladies Chemico-
| Physical Research and Amusement
| Society in Toronto when he was there
with that large British body.
Members of clubs meeting Sir Err
nest should remember that he won the
Nobel prize. and that it is not award
ed for character, but is spelled diff
| ferently.
(Copyright. 1926)
Evening star., 1926-04-04
Clues to Character
BY J. O. ABERNETHY.
He Loves to Work.

Because this type enjoys work he
cannot understand any one who does
not. For this reason he often is con-
sidered a hard master. He will fret
at delays and demands speed In COM
pleting a job.
You will find him in vocations like
construction, engineering, railroad
and tunnel building. Machinery that
has tremendous power arpeals 10 him
and he rarely ever engages in the
manufacture or operation Of delicate
apparatus.
On the field of sport he goes in
for the most dangerous and roughost
of games. Foot ball, basket ball, ice
hockey and similar sports claim his
attention. He may be found in an
office position, but he never Is salts
fled there. He prefers outdoor work
and for that reason makes a much
better field manager than IN indoor
executive.
He may be either blond or a
brunette, but he will not be fat or
very thin. He will nave .wiry mus
cles, large bones and a strong con
stitution. He is difficult to swerve
once he has made up his mind on a
course of action You will find that
he has a heavy jaw, comparatively
wide head from car to ear and well
set mouth.
(Copyright 1926)