davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-04-01
HIS PRESENCE

The Risen Christ still lives.
He meets you every day In the
workshop and office and on the
street. He is found in homes. in
hospitals, and in institutions
minIstering to misfortune. He
lives in men and women who
radiate love and helpfulness.-
Grit.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-04-01

Job must have been a patient man.
Il IS TO be questioned if his patience
was as great as that required Of most
Of US il, having him held up to us as
an example.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-04-01

lsf3.o4l
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
A. Matter of Number

A Scotchman and a Hebrew in q
hotel smoking room drifted into ar
argument relative to those of tn ali
countrymen historically famous
There was a near fistic encounter
It was agreed that when the He
brew announced one of his race &C
claimed as a celebrity he would pluck
hair from the head of his Compel
itor, and vice versa.
To the amazement of the Scotch
man the Hebrew offered the name OF
Solomon
Bobby Burns was the proud re-
Spouse.
Abraham" reverently exclaimed
the Hebrew.
"Sir Walter Scott" rather con
temptuously.
Joseph and his brethren where.
upon the Hebrew jerked numberless
hairs from the head of the Scotch
man.
$50 you are naming them in bat
talions," and the Scot, imam, wind
ing his fingers in the whiskers of the
Hebrew, yanked out a handful ex-
claiming:
1.-THE Highland Brigade"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
ONE ON THE TRAMP

(Swiped from one who stole it,
The weary tramp noticed in his
travels that certain villa in a Lon
don suburb had Scottish name, and
determined to use this knowledge.
CHANGING again at the house, he saw
a big, fair bearded man wearing a
Tam -Shanter In the window.
"a Scotsman for certain" he muir
injured to himself. II must adopt the
accent"
He walked up and rang the bell,
and the big bearded man appeared in
answer.
"Hows "a wi We, mon. the day?''
said the tramp. "Ah'm doom on my
luck, laddie, an maxim for Glesca,
ma ain toon. All ken RIGHT well q
brither Scot like yerser Wilma see a
kintramon In sic sair necessity WI
cot hudin' DOT helpin' haund."
milne vriendt," said the big
bearded man, Il oondershtand nod
der Chineze. ! was Cherman. und
spik only der language off mine own
country und der Engleesh. l dink
you better agsk a policeman where
der Chineze Gonzul lif, und b'r'aps he
zend you back to your own country
free of charge"
"A Dutchman, after all! What a
SELL" muttered the astonished Cock
ney tramp, as he went down the
steps.
ma. ma, ma 1addie," chuckled the
householder to himself "Ye dinna
TAX me in. Ye're nae MAR Scots
than Ah'm German,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08

ing to take off the little Identification
tags, he dumped the clothes In the
case and caught the $50 for the
Trails End-home and Marie.
Here, the welcome was genuine
and generous. Marie took the suit
case from tired hands. cited Jim to
the easy chair and the evening pa
per. With a song on her lips she
carried the case to the bedroom and
proceeded to tumble out the so1led
linen. why JIM" she called.
Whats this little tag on your best
coat?"
Jim gasped and swallowed as he
remembered the incident. He didn't
care to have Marie know.
why. you see, DEAR" he stalled,
II had to demonstrate one Of our
machines that was broke down, and
as it was a very hot afternoon, l
just checked my coat at the check
room"
Jim was congratulating himself on
his getaway when the air in the
bedroom was torn by scream.
"But, good Lord, Jim Haines, here's
one Of them little tags on your
pants!"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Elks Believe a Smiles
The Thing
Don't Crouch, Il Brings Nothing and
Casts Gloom

In smiles we are born. With smiles
you must accept us. We are just
one big, broad, catching snlile-all
the way through smile of hope.
Of happiness, of mirth. A smile made
Mona Lisa famous. This world has
wondered why. Elks don't wonder,
they know. That's what the word
Elk really means-a smile. Care and
trouble have no place among US.
We see beyond the dark clouds and
revel In the golden sunlight. The
blue fog fades before our. gaze and
thousand marvels transfix us. We
smile, that's why. Life's too short
to worry. You are wasting time to
fret. Don't peeve. it brings you
nothing, and, oh. what a gloom 1t
casts on others. Forget your troubles.
Did you ever hear how the Pana-
ma Canal was built? Well tell
you. Uncle Sam didn't look across
the Isthmus and wonder whether 1t
could be done. Cries of derision
from across the water didn't even
cause a frown. No. He just laughed
he did. When the. food came and
swept away the work of months and
years, did he lean on his great spade
discouraged? Not for minute. He
just laughed and went on digging.
When the landslide and tumultous
quakes rent the earth and sent to
naught this hard labor, did he worry?
Did the echoes from hundred lands,
saying: Il told you So" wrinkle his
forehead with a frown? No. Not
your Uncle Sammy. He just kept on
digging.
Now, wasn't that easy? Yet that's
the way the greatest of the great
projects are accomplished. All with
smile. You see, Uncle Sans ali
Elk-and he just smiled. and the nex'
fellow smiled and the next, and so on
down the line.
If you don't think smiling helps
try it. Begin today. Watch the
Elks. They'll show you. They were
born a-smiling. Smile with them at
the minstrel show There'll be no
less than seventy-six thousand
smiles that evening, to say nothing
of twice that many hearty laughs.
You get third of all these COM
bined smiles and laughs for two dol
lars. Cheap, isn't it? Make this in
vestment and see what a dividend
you will reap from 1t for many
months to come-maybe for all the
remainder of your life.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08

Colors were once an evidence OF
the people, the signs Of the times.
Light was before color in creation.
The history of symbolic colors shows
the unity of their triple origin
Divine, Consecrated and Profane, and
classified in Europe the three states
of society-the clergy, the mobiles,
and the people. Under the Justinian
Code at Rome the penalty of death
was incurred by selling or being
clothed in purple stuff. In China to-
day any one who wears or buys
clothes with the prohibited designs
Of the dragon or phoenix incurs three
hundred stripes and three years inn
prisonment. Symbolism explains this
severity of laws and customs; to
each color In each pattern apper-
tanned a religious or political idea;
to change or alter it was crime
equal to rebellion.
White is absolute truth. 1t reflects
all the luminous rays. In cosmo-
GENES, divine wisdom, eternal light,
subdued primitive darkness, and
made the world issue from the bosom
of chaos. In all religions, the sover-
symbols of uncreated light When
Joseph took the body of the Lord, he
wrapped it In white linen cloth.
Heraldry copied customs and fol-
lowed traditions. It's coat of arms
ordained that argents should denote
whiteness, purity, truth. hope and
innocence. Ermine, which was at
first all white, was the emblem of
purity and of immaculate chastity.
The Bible presents the type of the
language of colors in all it's purity,
Jesus says, in the Apocalypse. ILL;
81 will give to the victorious a white
stone, on which shall be written a
name which no one can know but
he who receives It,"
Philostratus gives to love wings
of purple and azure. In antiquity
purple was a red color graduated
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
TELL.TALE TAGS

Jim Haines, ace Of the travelling
statesmen for the Monarch Company.
was called IN from his accustomed
run to go over the route OF Gester,
who had gone wrong both In ac-
counting and production. Haines
was the pinch hitter for the firm and
took the task as q matter-of-fact.
He had his wife fold his extra"
suit in the suitcase and was of on
his two-weeks tour Of duty.
II was, Of course, rocky shedding
this sQuaring the house for the
many things done and not done
but Jim had a big fund of patience
and salve and was making Gar
rison finish of the job when he
struck Binnsville. Here he landed
without either acquaintance or
money.
Haines was too smart to further
| compromise the house by seeking
| loans until his check arrived, and
| knowing that Hunter. the bookkeep-
| er, had never failed him In times
| past, and remembering the promise
| to have his expense check in Btnns-
| Vile by the last of the week, Hainee
| whistled and made merry with the
| old grouchy customer and the new
| clerk at the New Avelon.
| Nevertheless, at noontime, Jim
| was hungry. But hungry as he was
| Jim Haines was not to compromise
the house. It was simply another
case Of diplomacy. Haines went UP
to his room for his suit case, walked
down street to the local pawn shop
and arranged for the advance OF
few dollars on the new suit OF
clothes. Fortified with these, Jim
ate a hearty luncheon and waited
for Hunter to do his part.
And Hunter, the bookkeeper. was
not remiss in duty. The check was
in the mail Of the afternoon. He
paid his room bill, took the suit case
down to the pawn shop and re-
deemed the raiment. Without wait
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Correct, At That

What kind of fellow is old
Binks, down at Poseyville?" asked
one travelling man of another.
"Most even tempered man I've ever
KNOWN" was the reply.
"Good!" exclaimed the first. This
is my first trip in this territory and
/ like to get line on prospective
customers"
A week later they met again.
"Say," said the first travelling man,
you told me old Binks was the most
even tempered man you'd known.
Why, when I dropped in on him he
had just fired clerk, jumped up and
down on his hat, told a customer to
go chase yourself, and kicked the
stuffing out of filing cabinet. And
he was carrying on this way just
over some mere trifie."
WELL" remarked the second trav-
cling man, that's how he always is.
Country Gentleman
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Elks Colors and What They Signify
Purple and White Are Symbolic Colors Of
B.P.O. Elks

with blue, and according to blazonry
purple compound Of azure and
hues.
For The Emperor Alone
The purple toga was the garb of
the emperor alone. It was the badge
of kingship. Purple fabrics were very
costly. Both kinds of curtains OF
the Holy of Holes in the temple.
The threads Of the garment had to
be made of blush purple. At the
Babylonian court the bestowal of
reddish purple raiment was a work
of the highest favor.
White (argenD alone signifies
chastity, charity and clear con-
science, but in company with the
purple 1t betokens the favor of the
people; combined with gold, mean
ing friendly feeling, even toward
ones enemies; with red, strong In
a goodly disposition and a wisdom
in counsel: with sable, constancy,
sorrow for the loss of friends, a re-
ligious disposition till death; with
green, Joy. love and gladness and
bad luck after fortune.
Meaning Of Emblems
Emblematfc ANIMALS and horns
have blazonry. also their signifi-
canoe: heart, skill in music; horns,
of a stag, (Elk), fortitude; unicorn,
strength; eagle, a lofty spirit, and
kings, celebrity and protection.
The Elks' colors. a combination of
royal purple and white. used at every
Elks' function as typical of Elkdom.
derives its origin from the foregoing
sources. White is the symbol of
truth and an emblem of purity, sig
nifying one of the attributes of the
order, and when combined with royal
purple 1t signifies, in the language of
colors, the love of truth and the
highest degree of virtue. 1t Is the
babe of kingship. and signifies the
colors, betoken the favor of the
people, all of which indicates the
status of Elkdom.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Memories

WCTtoiISS
How memory treasures the dear,
dead past,
And brings it back to you!
An odor, tune, birds flying fast,
Or a flower of a certain hue.
But with a kind magician's wand,
She extracts the joy from the woe,
And we gladly turn to the Wonder
land,
OF the beautiful long ago.
The golden-rod that grows by the
wall.
Sheds beam as a candies ray,
And reveals loved faces-one and ALL
With whom we used to play.
The swallows winging their silent
way,
Across the deep blue sky,
Speak volumes-although they have
nothing to say,
OF those days that have glided by,
The faint, sweet odor of pumpkin
pies,
Coming UP from the kitchen below.
And we turn to greet with glad sur
prise
The loved ones of long ago.
There's mother and dad, the girls
and boys,
Not face with shadow or change;
WIN Inc same SidQ look Ger our
simple joys,
As they had round the old kitchen
range,
An old fashioned fiddle playing
Nellie Gray
And with tireless tread we 20.
Ger the trackless waste of yesterday
To the people of long ago.
When Indian summer wells earth,s
light,
And the Harvest Moon hangs low,
Come rushing thoughts Of one glad
night
In the beautiful long ago.
so may it be when I pass out of
sight,
AND embark on Eternity's sea;
May Memory's touch SO ki,s J.
SO light,
Nought but good be remer- .bered of
Mrs. &. 6. Craig, Des Moines. Iowa.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
A Trustful Burglar
He was a burglar.

ne was d Jul Sldl
After affecting an entrance into the
bank he found his way. easily enougH
to the vaults. When the light Of the
lantern fell on the door he saw this
sign written in red letters:
"Save your dynamite. This safe is
locked. Turn the knob and it will
OPEN"
Anyhow" he reflected, there's no
harm in trying it if It really is I'M
locked"
He grasped the, knob and turned
it.
Instantly it Office was flooded with
light, an alarm bell rang loudly, an
electric shock rendered him helpless
while panel in the wall opened and
out rushed bulldog which seized
him firmly.
An hour later, when the cell door
closed on him, he sighed:
l know what's wrong with me.
I'm too trusting. l have too much
faith in human nature"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

QOES lONS ANU ANSW mo
ANY reader can get some sort Of an
answer by writing the Elks' Boos'
ter Information Bureau, but we
publish only once year. Give full
name and address and enclose a
check equal to your income tax
Be brief.)
@. What is your idea of a quiet
life?
A. A deaf and dumb couple set
ting down in Westbrook.
@. When Tom Canadian returns
from a hunting trip what does the
tag 1.20 on the rabbits mean?
A Friend
A. That's the Lour they were shot.
@. What Is a near-vegetarian?
A. One who never eats meat ex-
cept when he's invited out.
@. Does the ordinary man have
any trouble keeping his wife dressed
in fashion? A Single Man.
A. No. the trouble would come if
he didn't.
@. Is a bald head life Paradise?
A. Certainly; there is no parting
there.
@. Why do they roll man on a
DnIiSH W 0ihply tHc WdLeI LIOIII lis
stomach?
A. So as not weaken the whiskey
If anyone presents the same.
@. Are nitrates higher?
A. Never stopped to learn. Don't
telegraph anyway.
Q: How can make butter scotch?
A. One cup of peanut butter,
three storage eggs, one cup brown
sugar, one tablespoonful chilli pow
der, one-falf pint genuine Scotch.
Stir WELL lock securely in the ice box
till Sunday, and serve cold with
cracked ice on the side.
@. Can real business man al
ways tell a good stenographer?
A. Yes, but he never wants to tell
her too much.
q. If my wife seizes q f1atiron
during an argument would that be
assault? Newly Wed.
A. Not always: she might have
taken 1t up to smooth things over.
@. Do you believe In a higher
power?
A. Yes, sir; I married her.
@. What's an alibi?
A. It's man not being where he
was.
Q. Are raw oysters healthy?
A. Never heard one complain
about being sick:
@. Do you have to see a doctor
in this town before you get any
booze? visitor.
A. no, after.
@. What is break in social
terms2
A. A snappy remark that has
been stretched too far.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
What Longfellow Didn't Write

Learning by rote may be good
exercise for the memory, but teach
ers should be sure that the young
sters have at least a faint idea what
the words they are memorizing really
are. Otherwise you may get such
a result as the Santa Barbara News
reports:
7 Willie recited one stanza of the
Psalm of Life, to the delight of his
proud mamma and the plaudits of
the company. It was as follows:
Liza Grape men allry mindus,
Weaken maka Liza Blime,
Andy, Parting Lee B. Hindus,
Footbrin Johnny Sands Time"
Youths Companion.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Welcome, Thrice Welcomed

The proprietor of the new store In
cross roads village was Isaac
Johns Business was far from goo
and Isaac stood at the door of his
store one morning gazing gloomily
at the all but empty street. A little
girl, who had just turned the corner,
paused uncertainty before him. a
crumpled dollar bill in one hand. In
stantly Isaac was all smiles.
Say" began the little girl, does
my mamma owe you dollar?"
"She does. she doesi" exclaimed
Isaac. "And--and-whose little girl
are ?'-Country Gentleman.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Ewes Appetite

"One day." said a story teller, "at
the close of a hot day, Adam was
returning with his hoe on his Shout
der from hard days labor to his
humble cottage. Maybe it was a cave.
That don't matter for it was an
humble abode. Young Cain was
running ahead, boylike, throwing
rocks at the birds. Suddenly they
came upon beautiful garden.
40 father said Cain, look at that
beautiful garden, wish we could live
there"
1--WE did live in that garden said
Adam regretfuliy, until your mother
ate us out of house and home"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
When Winters Were Gold

Huh" contemptuously CALCULATES
Uncle Jason, during the recent spell
of low temperature. you folks don't
know anything about cold weather.
Why, I remember the winter of
eighteen hundred and Whereabouts,
when it was so blamed cold that il
you flung a dipper of bilin' water out
o. doors it cracked like a gun. Yes,
sir, and a live coal would freeze solid
in five seconds. Worse than that,
your conversation actually froze be-
fore it could be heard. / knew a slut
term man who talked chopped ice,
and fellow who drawled so that his
remarks had to be extracted with a
corkscrew. All, yes, it was sorter
cold that winter"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
That Was Different

This actually happened in The
Big STORE" at Humansville. Mo. The
proprietor wrote us about 1t.
"Some time ago a woman came
into my store with a bundle. Seeing
that my women clerks were all busy
and evidently being in hurry she
came back to my desk and said: Mr..
-, I would like to change some
underwear I was nonplused for a
few seconds Then said: Certainly,
Mrs. -. you can go upstairs, or
back in the warehouse and change
them
"Why you big fool she snorted
out, it's my children's underwear. |
bought them here too small. and want
to exchange for larger sizes"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
OUR MOTTO

Samuel Madden. ID. D.. published
in Dublin in 1745. Boulter's Monu
ment, containing 2,o34 lines. and from
the six following lines may be sus-
pected the source of lines. quite fam
illar to good Elks:
Some write their wrongs In marble;
He more just
STOPPED down, serene, and wrote.
them In the dust;
Trod under foot the sport Of every
wind,
Swept from the earth, and blotted
from his mind.
There, secret In the I've, He babe
them lie,
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
The "kind Word"

A Yankee strolled into city tea
shop, took his seat and waited. Pre-
sently a bright-eyed waitress ap-
preached him, and asked:
Can l take your order?"
Yes. Two boiled eggs and kind
word"
The waitress brought the eggs and
was moving on. when the Yankee
said, Say! What about the kind
word?"
The waitress leaned over and
whispered, Don't eat the eggs"
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
sELEyEN O'CLOCK"

nark. ,ris the hour Of eleven,
When the spirit Of Eikdom shines
bright,
Ana re stand In silent meditation
ThrouRhout the land each night.
3t.n the 'sCsolden hour Of recollection"
When the gates Of memory stand
ajar.
Ana the toast ITO Our Absent
Brothers"
.Resounds both near and afar.
San Elk is never forgotten"
mo matter where he may roam.
And we're glad to welcome him
again.
Back to his Home, Sweet Home.
IS. 8. Samuel. New York Lodge,
No. 1.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
The Modern Hiawatha

He killed the noble Mudjokivis.
OF the skin he made him mittins,
Made them with the fur side inside.
Made them with the skin side out
side.
He, to get the warm side inside.
Put the inside skin side outside,
He, to get the cold side outside,
Put the warm side fur side inside.
That's why he put the fur side in
side.
Why he put the skin side outside.
Why he turned them inside outside
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
Substituting

This actually occurred in a book
store in Anderson, S. c.:
Salesman, upon entering magazine
window of bookstore: Have you
Sample Case?"
Young clerk, just fresh from the
country: mo, sir, but we have some
very fine brief es."Francis r. FAINT
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08
ind-Hearted Girl

"And why did old Stepout will that
chorus girl half his f"~tune?"
"She once saved his life
Indeed, How?"
"She ignored him one time when
he was accompanied by his wife -
Boys Outfitter.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08

ana grieved that thev -.
the Almighty eve .S0aldSt
Paraphased freely a..
tnese lines read: aa0 tsaas,
me of our Bras
M u, upon the sand, ''nefs vi
love and memory ~ tasl,
stances?" are those ~
she: your ei,o,
Annapolis Log. ''curnstaa,s
.solomon's 77th wife. %
reaiIy and truly in love 20, u
solomon: MY dea, With q
closer.) 'Aao She mr.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-11-08

n with blue, and according to blazonry
2 purple a compound Of azure and
Evening star., 1926-03-03

Every member of the club should
make q determined effort to enter the
games in some way or another. There
will be many events, and no effort
will be made to favor the outstand-
ing boy athletes, although they are
asked to compete also. But, rather,
the club is interested in giving every
boy a chance to try his hand at COM
petition. It will not be too strenu-
Gus. The program will be announced
in a day or so and entry blanks pub
lished in the paper.
There is one thing important, how
ever. If you are going to be at all
successful you must be in good physi-
cal condition, and you can't start too
early. So start now The club is in
terested in the development of strong,
clean, healthy, fair minded boys, and
there is nothing that brings this about
or aids it more than the spirit of COM
petition.
Eddie Collins of second-base fame
holds forth in the club column today.
Eddie has two boys of his own and
tells few base ball facts worth
knowing Tomorrow Bucky Harris
will have something of interest to
tell you.
Read your column daily. Get out
the scissors and clip the articles. Put
them in your scrapbook.
A list of new applicants for mem
bership follows:
Herbert Haynes, Rockville, Md; Oda
McGahe, Rockville, Md; Thomas w.
Collins, 718 Eighth street southwest;
Stanley T. Mortimer, ESQ Hollywood
place, Lyon Village, Clarendon, Va;
Joseph Mcclure. 1245 Sixth street