New Britain herald., 1926-05-29

had drilled hole from which oil was spouting. The family is wealthy now, and whenever there is a thun- der storm. Grandma sticks around the window just craving excitement from her friend the lightning.
 Another time a town in the southwestern section of North Caro- lima bought a new motorized fire wagon. A fellow with load of hay was struck by bolt. The hay caught fire, scared the horses. and q run away With a flaming load Of hay was the result. The fire auto chased r squirting chemicals on it for over five miles, and you can't find any body from Buncum county who saw the affair who wouldn't admit that it was a pretty sight.
 "It certainly is a shame the way the American golfers are being eliminated by those Britishers," we remarked patriotlcally to a deniZen of the links yesterday. "It seems to me that with the honor of the United States at stake they ought to be able to win. We've developed wonderful ly these 15i years. and if our an- cestors could lick the British in 1Ito VIC ought 10 he able to do it in 1926. If we can't, I don't see why we pay out good money to go over there just 10 take a licking"
 My dear sir" our friend repli- ed, "did you ever play golf on strange 'course?"
 "No." we came back snappily. "In fact. I've never played golf"
 Well. then" he retorted crush ingly, lyon not only don't know what you're saying but you don't even know what you're saying say ing it about. Now, I'm considered pretty fair golfer, and let me tell you there's more 10 the game than laying the ball on the tee and pick ing it out of the hole"
 We knew we were in for it. Get golfer started and-try and stop him, We really couldn't do anything about it except wish we were else where, SO We llSttlt'u do II Nc hh1N what he was saying.
 q remember the first time l play cd off the home course" he began. Tt was up in Canada. I'd never seen the links before and We Were in a | big match. so I was nervous. On the first tee I missed two drives and lifted a beautiful drive about 2l0 yards-straight up. l think took liz. or perhaps that was the num- Der of clubs I broke. Playing the second, drove against hollow tree and the ball went into 8 squirrel hole. On the third I played beauty over the brow of a hill and then found there was a pond below. l i couldn't putt worth q centime, but I never missed that pond and finally i they conceded me a 4S0-yard putt for fear that if l knocked another ball into the pond I would cause 1t to overflow and start a flood.
 q got a one on the siXth-play- ing off the fourth tee. On the eighth I knocked a floater into a hidden brook and the current car ried it out of bounds. Playing past the clubhouse on the ninth l deter mined to make a great effort be- ! fore the crowd assembled there, so 1 I hit a prodigious iron shot-right over the crowd and through a win dow: I understand they are still pre- serving that ball as evidence that a ! I,t ia1 ir,I1+ nrr1nc
 "The tenth was a dog-leg and l
 played it the wrong way, losing the match for my club by driving on to
 the adjoining fairway and hitting our best player square on the head. This so rattled me that l actually
 replaced a divot.
 Things went from worse 10 worst, After I had finished the twelfth they gave me q days pay for digging Q Inew sandpit. Tex Rickard met me
 on the fourteenth green and wanted
 to sign me as trick shot artist. He
 had just seen me kill bird flying across the fairway; the s. P. C. A, also learned of il and tried to arrest me, but we later proved the bird
 was trespassing. I sliced into a farm
 yard so often on the fifteenth that when the caddy went to get the balls he found a hen setting on them. or
 the last last hole I hit an official in the head with a club. It was now
 so dark that when I finally lifted toward the green, then went ana
 pulled a. ball from the hole, nobod!
 could dispute my statement, That's
 playing 'em into the hole with the imashie.'
 "rhe club officials told me they
 didn't want to bother with my score and that if l would let them kno"
 when came again they would hlr' adding machines for the occasion.
 And then went into the 1stf
 hole and finished the day in perfec
 style. All afternoon long l had don' nothing except miss the ball, and
 kent my slate clean when l jub1lant