davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
More Truth Than Poetry
BY JAMES J. MONTAGUE
ass u Pa. on. Copyright, l0s& BY The Chicago rtSwa

UNFRIENDLY VEGETABLES
CA famous scientist insists that trees
and plants indicate their dislike to
certain people.)
The cantaloupe betrays no sign
When, straying idly through the gar
den,
1 tread upon it's trailing vine
And do not pause to ask it's pardon.
But when I taste of it I find
1t has no great opinion of me,
And learn, just after have dined,
1t positively does not love me.
The onion, too although it shows
No indication of it's feeling
At night time when seek repose
Is very strongly self revealing.
: whenever I partake of it
An indigestion spell awaits me,
1t does not care for me a bit,
! In fact I know it really hates me.
TO my cucumbers I extend
A full free measure of protection,
But none of them will be my friend
! Or harbor me in their affection.
! Although my palate tney uellSnt,
They look on me with scant compass
| sion,
And very often wreak their spite
| In a most irritating fashion.
Observing of the bean or pea
Or any plant that one might men
! ton
"I like them, but they don't like me-
! Is but a wearisome convention.
But since we learn that there is mind
! And feeling in these forms of matter,
This oft repeated phrase we find
Is something more than idle chatter!
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
STEWARDS WASHINGTON LETTER.
By CHARLES p. STEWART
NEA Service Writer.

By CHARLES +. STEWART
NEA Service Writer.
WASHINGTON.-If Secretary of Com
merce Hoover ever becomes president,
we know in advance just what kind of
a government we'll have.
1t will be axactly the kind we have
now.
It's no secret in Washington that
Hoover, subject to President Coolidge,
has more than any other one man to
say concerning the present administra-
tions policies.
In effect he's prime minister
Now, strong prime minister, who's
fully trusted and much depended on
by the potentate he serves, can run
a government about as he sees fit.
That's the case with Secretary Hoov-
err Nominally he only gives advice.
but where advice always is accepted
and acted on as the advisor suggests,
it amounts practically to the actual
shaping of the course the latter fa-
Vors.
Hoovers advice "goes" with the pres
ident.
AS president, he'd act. AS secretary
of commerce, he advises and the pres
ident acts. That's the only difference.
So, by observing this administration,
we learn what Hoover's ideal of an ad-
is. Its a fair conclusion
that; in the White House himself, he'd
duplicate. it,
1t isn't in his, own department alone
that Hoover's interested. He's inter-
ested in the whole machinery of gov
ernment.
He s the father of the Coolidge poll
icy of reorganization, simplification
an dreduction of governmental person
consolidation of bureaus, the
pruning out of all superfluous diVis-
ions, the accomplishment of more work
with smaller staffs.
Economy and tax reduction are near
to his heart
A business administration" that
was his notion from the first, even in
President Harding's day.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
PLUCKED FROM THE PLAINS
WnrIh Tnnr

An old gentleman boarded a train in
New York City, with the intention of
going to Florida for the winter When
he heard the trainman announce "alI
out for Indianapolis" he began to feel
worried; next he heard, "All out for
st. Louis" and he began to weep, but
when he heard, "All out for Kansas
City, he began to Shrek
A kind hearted woman had been o.
ticing the increasing grief of the old
gentleman and when he seemed par
ticularly distressed at the announce
ment, All out for Denver" she thought
it time for someone to take an inter-
est. Ht
Stepping over to the old man, she ask
ed: whats the trouble?"
The old gentleman looked at her in
despair. 'Tm on the wrong train for
four days, already, ma'am, and still a.
goingi'
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Abe Martin

What won't they fake UP neNts
I've Just seen u magazine illuStra-
tiOn showin' wife with her arms
tVvined IOvin'ly about husband
who'd Jest lost everything. This
falls girl. t. be i'm style, I'll run
around $50 T. 16O pounds, or two
T. th' coupe.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
AdYice tn n CnnIr.

Husband (to cook)-My mother-in-
law is coming on long visit tomor-
row. I've made out a list of her ia
vorite dishes for you.
Cook-Yes, sir.
Husband-Well, the. first time you
serve one of them you're fired.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
I'm going to work.

The discarded phonograph needle
will do nicely to clean bottles, cruets,
flower vases, etc. Fill receptacles
with warm water, to which a little
ammonia has been added. Let soak a
few hours, then pour off about four
fifths of the water, drop in the old
needles and shake until all the sedi-
ment disappears.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Appreciated Job.

When Billy Welch first went nthe
stage a good may years ago, he was
called upon, in one of the rep pro-
grams, to play corpse One night in
the middle of this narrowing scene,
Welch began to laugh and the play
was almost ruined. After the final cur
tain the irate manager took him to
task.
what in the deuce did you laugh
for? Don't you know you were suppos-
ed to be playing corpse?"
eyes, sir,' said Welch meekly, but
I was struck with the sudden thought
that with the salary 1 get, dying is a
pleasure"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
NOT UNEXPECTED.

British scientific societies have dis
covered that rats are intelligent, which
will merely confirm the view of the
rats on the subject.
Copyright, 1926, by the Bell Syndi-
cate, Inc.)
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Way of the Law.

How is it you have no lawyer to
defend your t
"As soon as they found out that
hadn't stolen the money, they wouldn't
touch the case"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Brngpinr Wiuns.

my wife gets on my nerves; she's
always Dragging about the husband
she had before me-"
"Oh, that's nothing Mine is always
talking of the one she's going to have
after me."-Paris Sans Gene.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
SOLDIERS ROUT wORsHTPPERs

NOGALES, Aug. 18.-A dispatch to
the Herald from Topic, state of Nay
arit, Mexico, yesterday said that 1000
worshippers at a Catholic temple in
Tepic had been put to route Sunday
by Mexican soldiers, using blank
cartridges. The newspaper learned
that several persons were seriously
hurt under foot while many received
minor injuries in the disorganized
retreat which followed the fuslllade
and subsequent rioting.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
The Roundup.

Students on a trip to washington on
emerging from a building found that
they had lost their glide They waited
a while, but as he did not appear they
came to the conclusion that he had
skipped the job They hadn't the
slightest idea how to return to their
hotel Finally they decided to ask the
policeman on the corner.
'Well," he said, your hotel is not so
far off, but don't know as you could
get my directions very well. The best
thing to do is to put you on car go
ing past the hotel"
SO he hailed a car and the party
clambered aboard. They rode and they
rode until someone suggested that it
was mighty long ride" They decid-
ed to get off and ask another police
man if they were anywhere near the
hotel So they climbed off and ac-
costed the nearest policeman.
He turned on them with look of ex-
asperation. Look here you damn
kids!" he said, "I put you on car for.
your hotel half an hour ago." The stu
dents had been riding on belt line
and had just completed the circle.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Stepping High.

Chemistry Professor-The gas in this
cylinder is deadly poison. What steps
would you take if any Of it escaped?
Student-Long ones.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Ford Publicity.

Prospective Ford buyer (to agent)-
Why don't you put speedometers on
Fords?
always passing other cars and all the
driver of a Ford has to do is to give
glance at the other fellows speedom-
eter an dadd five miles to it. Then he
knows how fast he is going.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

OF more than 5000 pupils who have
attended the New York Institution for
the instruction of the Deaf and DumO
during the 107 years of it's existence,
nearly all have become self-support4
ing and useful citizens.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Engaged.

1t was at the close Of the bridge
session at the Encno Country club that
the sweet young thing came rushing
up to her mother, dragging her atten-
tive partner along with her, and ex-
claimed:
"Oh, mother, I've captured the boo
by!"
well, well, come her eand kiss me,
both of you," was the unexpected an
swer.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

Aviator-How would you like a trip?
Rastus-No, sab. 1 stays on terrah
firmah And the more firmah the less
terrah.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Seeks Surprise.

Minister (to hostess little daughter)
wouldn't you like to come to Sunday
School and hear about heaven and the
beautiful golden streets?
Little Lola-Yes, sir, but it will take
away the surprise when L get there.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

''It is possible to cut some people by
ignoring them completely"
Il wish could cut my lawn that
way" hf
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

Mother-Did that young man talk
business last night, Ethel?
Daughter-Yes, mother, and he said
it was rotten.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

The firm that exported the cele-
brated chests of tea tha figured
in the Boston Tea Party" is still
doing business in London.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

The fellow who christened sleeping
cars must now be at work inventing
names for new varieties of fur bear
ing animals
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

Raw vegetables, fruits and raw
wheat comprise the diet of Anton
Koepke, who is making a "hike"
from New York to San Francisco.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
S11Cu IS FAME
No ONE ELISE COULD Do IT.

1t looks as if King Tut were about
to be forgotten for another 1000 years.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19
Past Record.

The prosecuting attorney asked coll
ored defendant the following question::
'Mose were you ever convicted or ac-.
quilted on any charge before this
court?"
mo, sub; no. sub. Nothin. that sound
ed like dat"
Now, listen. Mise, l mean were you
crime?' e,
well. sub, boss, de jedge he say, Go
on along, an 1 does, an gets picked
up agin'. Yes, sub, I guess l wuz."
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-08-19

UNFRIENDLY VEGETABLES
CA famous scientist insists that trees
and plants indicate their dislike to
certain people)
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
MRS. LAURA A. EARLE

lady, living at 6426 College Ave, this
city, while talking a few days ago
with the Konjola Man at Hook S
drug store, where he is explaining
this surprising medicine to large
crowds daily.
II suffered so badly with my stom-
ach that intense misery followed ev-
cry meal I ate" continued Mrs.
Earle. Il would continually belch
and experienced a constant burning
in my throat and chest. The pains
across the pit Of my stomach were
sharp and terrific. AT nights l would
get so short Of breath that / had to
sit up in bed, propped with pillows.
to keep from smothering. My heart
would jump and beat so fast at
times that l was alarmed, thinking
1 had heart trouble.
"On top of all this misery [ had
neuritis III my shoulders, and the
: muscles of my arms would cramp
and draw up. At times / would itch
all over, like needles sticking my
flesh. My system must have been
full Of poison, because I was greatly
troubled with constipation, had to
take a strong cathartic every night.
My general health was in a bad
state for three years, and during
this time l believe I tried every
known source to get relief, but still
suffered.
IT heard about Konjola, and as I
said, hesitated to try it, for never
thought anything would help me.
Well, the first bottle of Konjola con-
WINGED me that this medicine was
as different from other remedies as
night and day. / felt better as soon
as 1 had taken doses. 1t seemed
to have a soothing effect on my hot,
feyerish stomach. Then, soon after
ward, the indigestion spells disap-
peared. 1 took six bottles in all,
which has been two months ago,
and 1 haven't taken any medicine
since then, and my old troubles have
never returned. l never become
short of BREATH sleep well every
night, and | eat anything I want.
1 formerly lived on toast and light
broth. 1 give Konjola credit for re-
ally ending my stomach trouble, and
now l notice that I am not bothered
with my heart, and the neuritis
pains have left my arms and Shout
ders. This medicine made short
work of the constipation trouble,
and now 1 never take laxatives any
more. Konjola certainly is wonder
full, and l am doing all I can to rec
ommend it to others who suffer-
The Konjola Man is at Hooks
drug store, Pennsylvania and Mar
ket Sts., Indianapolis, where he is
daily meeting the local public and
introducing and explaining the mer-
its of this remedy. Konjola is sold
by every Hook store in Indianapolis
and by all leading druggists in the
nearby towns throughout this sec
observation-disclosures
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
THE INDIANAPOLIS TIMES

one dragged him off the stage. The
auctioneer then peered wildly about
trying to locate his blunderin gally
and when he failed to see him,
shouted:
where did Senator Borah go?"
That was the nifty that nearly
doubled the President up. The au-
dience almost forgot to laugh in be-
holding the mirth of Mr.. Coolidge.
TiclSIed Again
Another bit of foolishness that
tickled the New England sense Of
humor probably had its appeal in
the thrift displayed. A woman, ar
ranging for a large party, asked the
grasping hotel proprietor for a TIA
BILE to accommodate 100 people. zone
dollar and a half EACH" said the no.
tel man. Then as an afterthought-
do you want seats in the chairs?"
"Of course" she replied. THAT will
be go cents extra" said the hotel
man.
The President placed his hand
over the lower part of his face to
hide laugh that caused his should
ers to sway.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
COMEDIAN Joke
DRAWS LAUGHTER
FROM COOLIDGE
President Nearly Doubled
by Laughter at
Theater.
Times WdshinGton Bureau.

IoES NGO OTh hItHNt
WASHINGTON, Oct. 7.-Politics
on the stage of national events may
be as bare Of humor, so far as Presi-
dent Coolidge is concerned, as fish Is
of feathers. But on the stages of a
legitimate theater-well, that's some
thing to giggle about.
First Lady Also There
The President, accompanied by
Mrs. Coolidge, attended the perform
ance Of a popular musical comedy
this week. The big WOW of the eve
ming for the President came at the
opening of the second act. The
scene was laid in Florida during the
boom days. The comedian was
auctioning off a new subdivision. A
big part Of the business was devoted
to coaching a very dumb confed'
crate to raise all bids until the price
was high enough to suit the auction
eer. The dumb individual wrecked
the well-laid plans by raising. his
own bid every timc it was acknowl
edged. At last, in desperation, some
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
SAFETY MEN IN
MINES MAY QUIT
British Strikers Prepare to
Use Drastic Weapon.

BIZ United Press
LONDON, Oct. 7.-Britain's strik-
ing coal miners today prepared to
use the most formidable weapon in
theri power in their battle with
mine owners. The national con-
ference of miners voted to with
draw the 10000 safety men IN the
mines.
The resolution was interpreted as
meaning the miners would permit
the flooding of all pits in Great
Britain.
Under emergency regulations the
government would be able to man
the mine pumps with volunteers or
troops.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
LAWYERS ALMOST
FIGHT IN BARRETT
LAW CASE MOTION
Request for Change of Venue
Taken Under Amusement
by Judge.

Corporation Counsel Alvah j
Rucker,. who has petitioned for an
accounting and naming Of a receiver
for the city Barrett Law interest
fund, and James d. Ermston, attor-
ney for County Treasurer Edward
A. Ramsay, nearly came to blows to.
day in an argument in Circuit Court
on a defense motion for change of
venue for the case.
Rucker charges that because of
the practice of Ramsay and past
county treasurers of appropriating
as personal income the interest on
Barrett Law proponents, a $1,000
900 deficit now exists in the fund.
Special Judge Henry Bowling took
under advisement the motion, ask
ing attorneys to file briefs.
Rucker insisted the court had a
right to hear the case, asserting
there is no reason for delay.
Public Interested
1.-THE public is interested in this
matter and anxious for an early
hearing" Rucker contended.
, Referring to the defense move,
Rucker deplored the consistent
stalling to evade an early hearing"
Ermston took offense to a state
ment by RuclIer that his remarks
were an insult to the court" The
Judge said he did not believe Erm-
ston meant any offense in stating
the case could not be fairly heard
here.
Referring to Rucker and his as
~sistants, Ermston declared, they're
crazy on the matter"
'. Back and Forth
1--WE licked YOU once, why didn't
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
Rah, Rah, 1t Was
Soft Cider

BIZ United Press
EVANSTON, ILL.,, Oct. t.
The Sigma Alpha Epsilon fra
ternity at Northwestern Uni
versity purchased a barrel OF
soft cider for the freshmen's
smoker.
When the time came to serve
the guests Wednesday night
the barrel was gone.
A committee investigated. A
barrel of cider was found in
the Phi Delta Theta house.
What was alleged to have
been a general fight between
S. A. Z. and the Phi Debts fol-
lowed.
The cider is still in the Phi
Delta house.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07

This country has nineteen national
parks with a total area of II ,372
miles.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
SAD, SAD PITTSBURGH
Blue Laws of 1894 to Be Enforced
Only Golf and Tennis.

PITTSBURGH, Oct. City Off
Gals have decided to enforce the
blue laws of 1894 to the letter in
Pittsburgh, but it will be possible to
play golf and tennis in the county
on Sundays.
District Attorney Samuel H. Gard
ner classes the two sports as ''quiet
games which never bring complaints
from the neighbors."
Safety Director James NJ. Clark to-
day said he would make no attempt
to close confectionery, news and CT
gar stores and gasoline stations on
Sundays, since he considers these as
necessities.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
"HOT oats and milk" is the
l. L dietetic urge of the day.

"HOT oats and milk" is the
l. l. dietetic urge of the day.
It's the balanced ration" of pro-
TEN, carbohydrates and vitamines-
plus the bulk" to make laxatives
less often needed - that worlds
authorities are advising.
Now you cook it in to S minutes.
That's faster than plain toast. No
kitchen muss or bother.
Why go on, then, with less nour-
ishing bres kfastst Today get Quick
Quaker food that stands by you
through the morning.
Your grocer has Quick Quaker
also Quaker Oats as you have always
known them.
Quick Quaker
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07

he seems to get his greatest enjoy
ment from the comedians, although
he lightly applaudes each turn. The
President at no time seemed aware
of the friendly smiles cast his way
by the girls of the chorus. Mrs. Cool
idge, on the other hand. never failed
to return the smile, when it came
her Way.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
Sweetheart, Said
She; Herman FairtS

BH Tnitcd Press
SOUTH ORANGE. N. J., Oct. T.
In scientific test to determine the
effect Of noise upon office workers,
Miss Elise Pepper was requested to
whisper the word sweetheart" in
the ear Of blindfolded Herman Hig-
giles, neighbor. She did so and
when the handkerchief was re-
moved from Higgles' eyes, it was
found he had tainted.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07

you appeal that case?" Ermston
asked.
You mean you crooked us once"
retorted Rucker.
In a slow. deep voice Rucker re-
peated the statement, answering the
query Of the defense lawyr, What
did you say?"
IF you say that to me outside, you
know what you'll get" shouted Erm-
ston.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
Audience Stands

A visit to the theater by the Presi-
dent holds unusual interest for 9th
ers present. Unannounced, the party
enters just before the curtain arises.
They are always discovered and the
entire house rises to it's feet and APP
plauds. The President steps to the
rail of his box, makes a friendly lit
tie bow, and then turns his attention
to the business at hand.
In the case of President Coolidge
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
CITY EARNS MONEY
Gas and Electric Plant Pays $4,000
Monthly; to Reduce. Schedule.
BIZ Times Special

BIZ Times Special
REDDING, Calf, Oct. THE
cooperative system has been worked
out so satisfactorily in Redding that
the city's residents are about to
collect a dividend on efficient city
management.
Five years ago, by condemnation
proceedings, the Pacific Gas and
Electric Company's light and power
distribution system were taken over
and Redding began the operation of
municipality owned plant.
For some time now the system
has been paying a profit Of $4,000
monthly and the city trustees have
voted to reduce charges for the
service by 20 per cent, thereby
giving the consumers the benefit of
business-like administration.
The new rates will become
effective Nov, 1.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07
INTENSE MISERY
FOLLOWED every
MEAL SHE ate
Awful Stomach Trouble
Finally Conquered by
Konjola, Says, Indi-
annapolis Lady.

IT hesitated about taking Konjola,
for I thought nothing would help
me, but now I frankly admit this
new medicine finally conquered the
stomach trouble from which I suf-
fered over years." said Mrs. Laura
A. Earle, well known Indianapolis
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-10-07

A man brought to Philadelphia
hospital after having been over
come by the heat, was found to have
eleven yards of underwear wound
around his body, and he wore three
suits of clothes and several sweat
erS.
The Wrangell sentinel., 1926-03-25
GOVT WAR DEBT POLICY
 DEPENDED BY MELLON

PHILADELPHIA. March 25.-The government war debt policy was defended here last night by Secretary Mellon shortly after 1t had been attacked in the British House of Commons by Winston Churchill, chancellor of the ex- chequer, and Philip Snowden, La borite. and former chancellor. Secretary Mellon who spoke before the Union League Club said, "Our financial policies toward Europe are backed not by sentiment but by sensen Churchill and Snowden agreed that the responsibility for the war debt difficulties rests on the United sstates for refusing to can eel obligations.
The Wrangell sentinel., 1926-03-25
Churches ST. PHILIPS CHURCH

Holy Week Announcements PALM SUNDAY, MARCH 28 1O:15 A. M. Morning Prayer 11:30 A. M. Church School 7:30 P. M. Evening prayer and
 sermon.
 Rt. Rev. P. T. Rowe will have charge of these services.
 MARCH 30 Union services with address by Bishop Rowe. Time and place will be announced later.
 MARCH 31 Union service Address by Mrs. Sayres of Ketchikan, an expert on Christian Education.
 APRIL 2 Noon to P. M., three hour ser- vice. At 7:30 P. M. union service will be held at the Presbyterian church.
 REV. H. P. Corser, Rector.
The Wrangell sentinel., 1926-03-25
PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH
MARCH 2s. 1926

MARCH 28, 1926 10:30 Morning Worship-Thlinget 12:00 Sunday School 6:30 Christian Endeayor 7:30 Evening Lecture: THREE YEARS MINISTRY AND THE RE- SUITS.
 All services are for the general public. Strangers are always well come. Come and bring a friend. Robert Joseph Diven, D. D.,
 Minister. NOTE: Watch the paper for an- nouncement of special services be- ginning March 30,
The Wrangell sentinel., 1926-03-25

100 per cent on that place, and es- pecially in the winter time".
 MT. Cotter expects to leave for Telegraph Creek on the first up river steamer.