The Bozeman courier. (Bozeman, Mont.) 1919-1954, 1926-02-05
Tale of Two Cities o oas8 a::af fa @s sa ae'5 os8sa y ss:


ly, never doing more injury to your
person or feenngs than the neces-
sity Of the occasion absolutely de-
mands.
"a, 5 and 6. Helena possesses one
of the largest, best planned, most
lUxuriOusly furnished and heaviest
mortgaged club houses in the coun-
try.
"7. By a special arrangement with
Providence, Helena is exempt from
disease and death.
80. Helena enjoys the marked es-
TEEN and friendship Of that most
noble, generous, large-hearted, char
liable, ph~ilanthropic corporation, the
Northern Pacific railroad.
49,. In proportion to population,
Helena has more balls, parties, hops,
rOuts, tOOts, sOirees, receptions, must
Gales, drive whists, pink teas, CONVEX
satiOns, high fives and low dresses,
drinks champagne, Tushes big
ger bar bills, keeps later hours, dane
es longer, kicks higher, and practices
a larger number and greater variety
Of bows, scrapes, ~cOurtesies, Obesi-
ances, g~enUflectiOns, salaams, salutes
and sQuirms than any other city east
Tor west"
In conclusion, the author assumes
a style a quarter of a century ahead
Of the free versifiers of today, q
style with which none Of them can
compare. FOrsOoth, read this and
relax:
Il am HeleEai
That's who / am.
The vulgar pOpulace
Will please stand back
And tremble.
Rome
sat on her seven hills.
And didn't care who knew it.
Rome, also, to a considerable extent,
Sat on the rest Of the world.
1 have always admired Rome,
1t is true I do not sit
On seven hills.
Indeed, / am somewhat mortified
To confess that 1 sit in q single
Gulch.
Yet there have been times
When l have sat
On other towns in this state,
And sat hard.
Il trust you will pardon me,
If, like Casear, I seem ambitious.
Yet 1 am not built like Caesar.
Caesar thrice was offered
A kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse
And then did Caesar get it
In the neck.
Wouldn't Caesar rap you!
Never yet did ] refuse
Aught that came my way.
1 am waiting now for
Montana to come my way.
That's what I'm heer for.
That's the kind of daisy 1 am.
81 hope my loyal subjects,
The good people Of Montana,
Will conduct me to my throne,
Promptly and sans kicking
They may then retire.
Sure an / that nevermOre
viii l need them in my business.
/ have to request that the
Coronation ceremonies
Shall be conducted on a
Suitable scale of dignity
And magnificance,
And sincerely do 1 trust
That just as / am taking my seat
In all my royal state,
No vulgar, lOw-lived miniOns
3 viii yank the throne
Out from under me.
It would destroy beyond repair
My dignity, my equilibrium,
And my hustle.
You see 1 am all logged out
In my purple and fine linen,
l. COrsage Of Marechal Neil roses,
d En- train, decOllette,
\ Pearls passemeterie,
Diamonds.
IL / am all here.
l. You viii please size up
G My culture, my refinement,
= Ny polish, my general, all around,
u Ne-plus-ultra
~ Style and elegance.
10 I'm a lulu at this business,
That's what 1 am.
I'm a lulu from Luluville.
t, I'm the luluest lulu that ever lulued
n Among the lulus Of LuludOm.
!, You know me.
And you are cordially invited
To attest your appreciation
st On the sixth day Of November.
" r.. S. v. p.
=. d. Q.
10 S 5 S" .
n The back of the book is filled wi
fake ads of Cinnamon, junk dealer
opium joints, culture clubs, dancil
ic academies, vegetable peddlers al
h Chinese laundries. There are abO
IS a dozen equally humorous illustr
sl- lions.
ly
lis Another generation knows Of tn
Of great capital fight only by hearsa
The feud was not a hereditary on