davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-11-28


" my first act was to get a
n songs songht ana out d" my aH'nsl bride hnea and
broached her on the subject
of a honeymoon.
where could you like to go on
your honeymoon" l broached her.
II don't care" she rebroached, "as
long as it is place where we can be
by ourselves"
So / hailed taxi and we caught
the IL o'clock express for Philadel-
phia and visited the Sesquicentennial
Exposition. Hugga remarked that 1t
reminded her of her native town,
Skulk. in Lapland.
(Author's note.-Skulk is not really
a town at all; merely a fishing
smack.)
We strolled up and down the Glad
way and she asked me why 1t was
so named. I replied that it was
named in honor of the people who
had backed the exposition.
And when is it going to open?"
she asked.
"Who?" I rejoined.
1.-The exposition" said Hugga.
ut opened early last Summer" I
told her.
"Oh." said Hugga.
She was always making mistakes,
but was always quick to acknowledge
them.
I showed her the huge stadium in
which Jack Dempsey had lost his
title and I my shirt. 1 pointed out
the spot where the ring had been 10.
Gated and the spot, 6 feet away
from it, where had sat. She was
Evening star., 1926-11-28

chandise for your main source of
revenue"
'And the town being what It 10, I
would advise you to carry a large
line of canine accessories" added his
friend
Thus it was that my young wife
and l began q mercantile career
which netted us over a thousand dol
lars the first year and attracted the
attention Of the then Postmaster Cen
eral, Basil Paunch. On our front
window was inscribed a small sign,
United States Post Office" and
under it a much larger sign, EVERY
thing for the Dog" 1t was a simple
matter 10 divert customers from
their original intention of p1rchas-
ing stamps and persuade them to 1y
something doggy. at a much gree
profit to us. One example OF our
method will suffice. On our first day
a Mrs. Femur came In and asked for
a 2-Cent stamp.
''YOu don't want a stamp" said
Hugga. "What you need is a muzzie."
Perhaps you are right" said Mrs.
Femur, and before she had left the
place we had sold her a $12 amber
muzzle which netted us $10.45.
(To be continued.)
(Conyright 1D2Hl
Evening star., 1926-11-28

NJ RS. FEITLEBAUM-YI! VI.
NH YI.-Mowriss," Mowriss,!-
N Drife leedle MUIR appre-
i hansive de car. Geeve a
Cruss de Crossings GUS
\ msly"
Mr.. Feitlebaun1-AHA. 1t cruises
me cruising alrady de meesus from
de beck slit de huttomObill.! Moo,
MeeSuS-Wance witt for hall you'll
gonna be de shuffer odder I'LL gonna
be de-OopS!---O me, hufficer,
/ deednt saw you bend--Of cuss
he ely---feeftin yirrs I'm
drifting de Carl assure you it
deedn't-.
-Baba-Are you gettig ad-
other SubbOds, Baba??
Mr. eitle5aum--(S -(SMACK'9 Ha-ha
--ha---- dem fonny yonksters!! Hal
ways witt de jukks--Hm--ofC CuSs,
of cuss---"Geeve a cruss de cruss-
ing cussiously'-D S me a whole
time.,- Heh-heh-Dun't mantion it,!
is a good tsigar..! Noo,-Goot
pye--iIuff-hm yi--wots s
dees??? No CESS? 1t dun't clotch-
ing de clotch??? VI vi yi--Wot's
de
Isidore-The ebergedcy brake is
odd, Raba-The brake bads are
burding, l think.
(SMACK)
Mrs. Feitlebaum-Yi vi yi-Mow'
riss-Geeve a look de brukken
bottle!
Mr.. Feitlebaum - RillyM - You
weesh me maybe ulso l should sect
on de front from de hoot 1 should
swipp witt a swipper de rote you
should cruss me in de deck slit cruss-
ings cussiously?? Psst--Meester"
Wheech way Lotchmont, plizze??
Mrs Feitlebaum-Hm,--
high hettishness from indwidjil"
Mr.. Feitlebaum = AHAi!-So is
dere at lest a sign,'---Give queeck
ridd goot for noting, de sign
wheech village we In!
Isidore-It says: Pig for sale in.
aha-buy 1t, Bahia"
(SMACK)
Mr.. F'eitlebaum - Psst-Meester-
Wheech way is to I4otchmont. pliZZe??
Noice-Dat jus de way Abs gwine,
boss. - H'Yar., Mosei Mandy!
Rastus" Tham"-1.iza" JEFF som
Dis Gemmen done gwine owah
Mrs. FeitlebaUm-Yi vi yi-Mowriss
"A teecket you'll get for spidding.,
1sidore-Look. Baha-"Hobe Made
Barbalade''--I5uy a cad. Baba??
Mr.. Feitlebau -Mommalate-you
nidd, ha? tSMACK). AHAH--so is,
penks Gott. alrady de village
Qeeve a r1dd 1t saz Lotchmont?
Tsidore-"You are dow etterig Riv-
erdale Dew York. Riverdale was
fouded i'd sevedsteed hudred add
(SMA ACKl
Mrs. Feitlebaum-YI VI YI-MOW-
RISSu
Evening star., 1926-11-28
CONTINUED from First Page.)

Continued from First Page)
Beta Kappa freed itself of the possi-
bility of rivalry and the temptation
to rapid expansion had also been re-
sisted. It's members universally fa-
vored a slow and substantial growth
rather than anything saVoring Of the
spectacular, but there was coming a
day, which could not have been fore
seen by the founders, when two steps
would be taken that would profoundly
influence the development of the So
ciety and enlarge its sphere of useful
ness and inspiration.
TPON the one hundredth anniver-
- sary of Phi Beta Kappa, the So
ciety attained the distinction of hav-
ing existed full century without
ever having held national conclave
of any kind. But in 1887 the first
national council was held and these
triennial councils are now fixed part
Of the society's program.
This union of the chapters came at
most oppOrtune time. The educa-
tional world was in a state of transi-
tion. The young institutions were
forging ahead. the elective study sys-
tenn was gaining ground and science
was claiming a large place in cur
ricula. Had not Phi Beta Kappa then
placed itself in commanding posi-
ton, it was certain that some other
would step forward to foster LOYALTY
to high educational ideals. and in its
place become the outstanding inspira-
tion to students.
OF comparable Importance in Phi
Beta history was the letting down of
its Jealously guarded bars to permit
the admission of women to member
ship. This was revolutionary and was
not effected without mature delibera-
ton. But the step was at length
deemed amply justified by the prin-
ciples enunciated in the early DAYS of
the society, although John Heath and
his associates could hardly have
dreamed that their words would be
used for so unheard-of a purpose as
the acceptance of women az Phi Betas.
The doctrine unearthed was:
ut is repugnant to the liberal prin-
ciples of societies that they should be
confined to any place. men or descrip-
tion of men. and as the same should
be extended to the wise and virtuous
of every degree and every country"
This was intrpreted as prohibiting
questions Of race, color, creed or sex
debating in any degree the selection
of worthy members. Accordingly, in
1875, Ida A. Mason. and Ellen Il.
Hamilton. having attained the re-
quirements of membership at the
University of Vermont, became full
f1edged members. and in 1899 Vassar
became the first woman's college to
receive a Phi Beta charter. In 1907
women's education received further
recognition through the election of
Mary f. Woolley, president of Mount
IIolyoke, as a member of the Phi Beta
Kappa Senate.
Presidents, cabinet members and
diplomats. members of Congress, gov.
ernors and others high in public serv-
Ice and outstanding figure in the arA
and sciences of every, generation ha
Evening star., 1926-11-28

IT'S that lady in lower s." he
said. 81 wonder what she wants"
whatever it is," I said. "she
wants ii very badly"
"She's engaged in some sort Of edu-
cational work." said the porter. ut
was she who gave me that pamphlet
about cigarette smoking
The ringing settled down into a
steady pour.
II don't think she is very happy"
said the porter. do you know the
type?"
"Only slightly" I replied
The porter shook his head.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to
60" he said.
He got reluctantly up and went
out through the curtains. The ring
ing stopped. I settled back and
gaZed out over the fatness of hot
Kansas. In a few minutes the cur
Evening star., 1926-11-28

series IS again a tnlng or the
past and the Worlds Prize
/ Fight is over, the Worlds
Tennis Championship decided
and the World Medal for Needlework
awarded, it is the right moment for
some one to call attention to the
alarming growth Of this World Stuff.
We are reaching a situation where
nobody is satisfied with any form Of
achievement or competition or con-
test unless it takes in the whole world.
In olden days man could make
reputation and feel tremendous
pride in himself even in a very re-
stricted area.
knew a man who lived and died
respected because he had taken
prize as the second best checker play
er in York County. Ontario.
knew another man who was
famous as the champion long-distance
jumper of Bellows Falls, VT. But
what would that man have thought If
he could have read Of a Million Dollar
Worlds Jump jumped at CONSTANT
nople, by jumpers from.
This world competition stuff takes
all the JOY out Of the lesser and hum.
bier things. I will give a very sim
pie and personal example. A year
or so ago I was getting quite stout,
comfortably stout. and was proud
Of 1t. But all my pleasure in the
fact was ruined by newspaper para
graph that read:
WORLDS CHAMPION STOUT
BOY IN IOWA.
THE State of Iowa has produced
In Edward Aspiration Smith of Cedar
Falls, Iowa. the world champion
stout boy. Ed. who was born and
raised in this State. is only Is years
old and weighs 420 pounds. He at
tended high school here for three
years and weighed 100 pounds more
with each class he attended. This
Fall he was persuaded to enter the
tatness contest organized at the Fall
fair in Indians Gulch, Iowa, open to
all the world. Ed speaks very mod
estly of his success, which he at
tributes as much to his parents as
to himself"
After I read that. realized that
there was no use in any efforts Of
mine. This Internal boy would beat
me out any time. He can add 10
pounds to my one easily. I don't
seem even to care about trying to
be the stoutest man on my street
with Ed Smith on the horizon.
All that / can do now is to content
myself with reading of the increas-
ing world triumph of Edward Aspir-
alton Smith, of the medal he will win
at the Pan-American StoutneSs Con-
test at Washington. d. c.. of how the
Evening star., 1926-11-28

tains parted and the porter reap
peared.
"Was it she?" I asked.
He nodded. He was evidently look
ing for something.
"You haven't got map, have you?"
he asked. "A map of Asia?"
/ searched through my pockets.
Would a road map of southern
California dO?" / asked.
"She said Asia he replied. "She
even spelled it OUT
I'VE might change this one to read
ASIA" / offered.
He considered the map.
"Is there a Los Angeles III Asia?''
he asked.
"rhere must be-" I argued "It
means City of Angels.
"Asians are Mohammeda us," he
said. II don't think Mohammedans
have angels"
Evening star., 1926-11-28
Water Drinkers.

A MERICANS are the greatest water
drinkers in the world. The Lon
doners drink more water than the
residents of any other OF the large
cities. yet the average daily consump-
ton OF water per capita in London,
according to recently compiled statis.
tics, is only about 36 gallons. New
York City uses more than 125 gallons
a day and Chicago about 200 gallons
per capita.
Evening star., 1926-11-28

amazed when informed her that the
"house" had been sold out that night
and exclaimed at the vast distance
between the scene of battle and the
most remote seats.
why. the people in some of those
seats, she said, couldn't really tell
whether it was a fight or a schot-
tiScheI
Evening star., 1926-11-28

Mr.. FeitIebaum -- PENICM Ha??
Notify. ha?? Ront, ha?? I'll geeve
keem-dot dope-I'll---
CRASH
Looy-'At settles tim troo-
Ats appreechiation-Git 'em rugs an
day sock ya!.-'At's all-Ill git a
room!!
e-Baba--cad---
IS ACK)
Evening star., 1926-11-28

So it is coming about that we are
getting to have a group Of World
| People superior to the rest of our
selves. We sit and look on The other
day in New York restaurant, they
pointed out to mo the Worlds Most
Highly Paid Plumber eating supper
with the Worlds Champion Baggage.
SlnaSher, and there was a Worlds
Prize Lady Mannequin eating with
them. l could have had her with me?
No. / was outclassed
But I'd like at least to warn the pub
lie that some of the consequences of
the world stuff are going to be as SER
louS as they are unforeseen. Take the
case of War--a thing in itself quite
as unimportant to the world as Prize
Fights or Tennis or Beauty Contests.
We are in danger of losing it. Not SO
very long ago everybody was content,
amply content. with quiet little war
between one or two nations, just doing
the best they could without any out
SiderS.
Any one of us would, for example,
have been satisfied with n select little
war between the United States and
England, fought out between ourselves
with no Interference. We might per-
haps have allowed the French to look
On or even to take a small part be-
cause they are old friends. But be-
yond that we never had any aspira-
tions at all.
But look at the present situation.
We are all so spoilt with the idea of
a World War that we won't be content
with anything less. talked the other
day with an American expert.
You can't blame u.s. he said, IF
we are discouraged. The prospect of
war, that is of real war, a World
War, seems most unpromising. Sew
eral times lately we could, of course.
have had war with Mexico. But our
fellows say they simply wouldn't fall
for it, It's not worth while. War
with Japan used to sound inviting a
few years ago. But after all, there
are only about 100000 of them and
110 900 900 of us. or 100000 millions
all together-bush league stuff!
'As for a world war" he continued,
you just can't get them to come in
or at least to agree when it is to be.
Some nations would like it to be be-
fore Christmas, and others want to
wait till after New Years, when the
public are lses preoccupied. The result
is going to be that, first thing we
know, we won't get any war at all.
4 \ x x
Evening star., 1926-11-28

Looy-Well. I got It fer va. Ma!:-
Here she Isl!
Mr.. Feitlebaum--Mrs. Feitlebaum-
WOT YOU GOT??
Looy-De rug va wanted.!!--An,
say wot a job!!-I'd a had 1t fer ten
bucks only fer some runt down frontM
Boy! he was a panic!!-Must a boon
some nutty old bootlegger.! Four foot
high--wot a Valentine! va couldn't
see HINT Keep raisin' mel!
Evening star., 1926-11-28

THAT isn't Benchley," he replied,
holding the paper up in the light,
that's Ethel Barrymore"
"a natural mistake" added, "es-
Evening star., 1926-11-28

have a habit of drawing pictures Of
various we'll known people who travel
on this train"
"Oh." 1 said, land did Benchley go
out to the Coast on this carp
Evening star., 1926-11-28

There: That's the situation as !
see il, and the danger that prompts
me to write this article. After which,
the only thing to do is to hand the
article to a World Organization and
give h O World Premiere.
Evening star., 1926-11-28
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

N VOW that the Worlds Base Ball
Series is again thing Of the
VI past and the Worlds Prize
1 Fight is over, the Worlds
Evening star., 1926-11-28
BY RING LARDNER.

A FTER the wedding breakfast
~ my first act was to get a
II shave and a shine. Then ]
4 A sought out my bride and
Evening star., 1926-11-28
Gross Exaggerations- the Dunb-Waiter
Taking Hurryhental Rog to Lotchmont
BY MILT GROSS.

NJ RS. FEITLEBAUM-YI! VI.
NH 1I'-Mowriss',' Mowriss.!-
N Drife a leedle MUIR appre
Il hansiVe de car. GeeVe a
CruSS de CruSSinpS CHS.
Evening star., 1926-11-28

All that I can do now is to content
myself with reading of the increas-
ing world triumph of Edward Aspir-
alton Smith, of the medal he will win
at the Pan-American Stoutness Con-
test at Washington. d. .;.of how the
Imperial Valley press., 1926-01-30
ONE THOUSAND BEST BOOKS

M The five foot shelf with its urge to do Is minutes
of reading day has a rival in collection of zone
thousand best books recently installed in the Uni
versity Of Pennsylvania library This collection is
dowed for its permanent maintenance with $4,000
gift from an anonymous donor.
1t must be simpler to select the worlds 1000 best
books than the ten BEST as many intrepid critics
have attempted to do However, the larger list is
really hard to compile, may be gathered from some
Of the statistics about the Pennsylvania choice
The 1000 were chosen from SO different lists of
worth while books made from time to time by author
ities Of the 460 authors mentioned in the SO lists,
none was named by every compiler. Sir Walter Scott
first with 38 authorities including one or more of
his books. Shakespeare was second, or more of
his works being called for by 81 authorities But in
number of works mentioned, Shakespeare won over
Scott OF the nine works endorsed by 21 authorities
eight were Shakespeares The ninth was SCOTS
'Ivanhoe."
1t is evidence of how much must necessarily be
omitted even from comprehensive number as 1000
books that only nine works Of literature received men
tion Fl times out of possible SO.
The compiling of such lists undoubtedly is use-
full 1t calls attention to books and authors and it pro-
lvdes helpful reading guides for library patrons who
have no other source of reading inspiration. But it
never produces any final supreme list The treasure
Is too vast to be so narrowly outlined and parceled
Imperial Valley press., 1926-01-30
BROKEN IMMIGRANT FAMILIES

SO smoothly is the new immigration law working
that 1t attracts little attention. There are no more
spectacular races the Atlantic get in under
the wire before national quotas filled The quotas
are pretty well taken of the other side There
are few immigrants coming that have to be sent back
The total OF new arrivals is small, and mostly of
higher and more dgestable class than America has re-
celved for many years. The law is incomparably
better than the old
Yet it is not perfect. Though the present plan is
better for US and far kinder the immigrant it is un
expectedy cruel sometimes. This is especially true
In the of divided families
reduced quotas prevent many an honest and cap-
aDle immigrant from bringing over his parents or
wle or chidren Families broken in the old country
In anticipation of being reunited here after short de
lay, continue divided with no home on either side
rms IS inhuman, unlike the American spirit and
ooes hooody any good There is proposal in Congress
to remedy it by establishing special 'non-ouota cIass
OF immigrants, allowing the entry of immediate rela
lves OF immigrants already established here when
there Is no reason other than that of filled quota now
keeping them out. 1t isn't likely that anything would
be lost by such action.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-01-30
MUSICAL COMEDY
MERRY WIDOW IS
SHOWN AS MOVIE

Immediately upon signing with
the Metro Goldwyn- Mayer Studio to
direct "'The Merry Widow" which
is coming to the Valley Theatre
tomorrow, Erich Won Stroheim
secluded himself somewhere in
Southern California to write the
adaptation and continuity of the
film version of the famous stage
play.
In transposing "The Merry Wild
ow to- screen material. Won Stro-
helm dealt with familiar subjects.
The noted continental director has
lived in the courts of Europe, and
shortly before he came to this coun-
try he was n military attache at
Cettinje, the capital of Monteneg-
ro, the locale of the first part OF
the tale. The rest of the story of
the opera transpires in Paris.
He is familiar with the gay life
of the continent, as exemplified by
The Merry Widow All the gla-
mour, romance and picturesqueness
of the original has been augmented
with the marvellous Won Strohcim
touch, Il recognized ability TO de-
pict the raev flavor, brilliancy and
smart splendor of continental life
among the gavest sets. Won Stro-
helm has taken the charming and
sparkling romance of the original
''The Merry Widow and instilled
it with increased dramatic power.
"The Merry Widow presents
one of the most significant and in.
teresting combinations effected for
the screen. The title suggests pie
turesque romance, and in the hands
of a man Of the genius of Won
Stroheim, all its rich possibilities
are realized, The title role, in
which Miss Murray is eo-starred,
furnishes this piquant actress with
the best role of her career, and en-
ahles her to imbuc "The Merry
Widow with the charm and vi
vacity it needs. !! - 2,
Imperial Valley press., 1926-01-30
LEGION MEN AIM
TO VISIT PARIS
100000 STRONG

cover there, 100000 strong" is
the slogan of the ''Sccord A. f..
F. which will advance on Paris
in September, 1927, aud for which
members of the American Legion in
Ell Centre are now preparing.
The preparations by the local ex-
service men consists in joining the
France Travel club which is con-
Quoted by the Bank of Italy. The
banking institution has been named
'by the American Legion, Depart
ment of California, as Il depository
for funds being saved by cx-service
men who plan to go TO Paris next
year.
Under the rules of the club a
certain sum is to be deposited each
week. The money thus placed in
the bank draws interest,( and will
be turned over to the depositor when
he is ready to go to Paris. Al
ready dozen local legionnaires
have signed up to join the club a;i,,
il is hoped that the number will in
crease during the next few months.
In order to be eligible to make
the trip to Paris, the eX-service man
must be member of the American
Legion in good standing during
1926 and 1927. The same rule APP
plies to women. who wish to make
the trip. If they were in actual
service during the war they must be
members of the legion this year and
next year, If they are eligible
for the auxiliary, the same rule APP
plies.
The American Legion will hold its
national convention IN Paris in 1927.
Plans for sporting 100000 men
across the ocean have been worked
out by. the national Organization of
the American Legion which has been
q 'on the job for the past two
years! The report submitted at the
natiouaT convent tian in Omaha last
October stated that special rates Nill
be accorded LegioNnaires travelling
across. the country to sail from an
Atlantic port. for Paris. Special
rates for chartered ocean liners
have also been arranged for.
Members of the legion who desire
any additional information On the
France Travel club can obtain it
from the Officers Of Boycet Aten
Post-o or from Fred Gianola of the
Bank of Italy, who is in charge of
the club S financial affairs.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-01-30
IMPERIAL
by Press staff Correspondent

IMPERIAL, Jan. 30-Mrs. Lester
Eichhold is confined TO her home
with q cold.
y. II. Hanberg. formerly of this
city but now residing in Arizona, is
business visitor in Imperial. for a
few days
II r. Rassmassen. who has been
connected with the Imperial Station
airy store, left Friday morning for
his new home in San Diego, where
he has accepted position.
W. II. Burton was noted driving
A new car this week.
Mrs. W. \. White of Carlsbad,
called on Mrs. r. j. Powers Wednes-
day afternoon. Mrs. White is a
former resident of this city.
Clyde McCarlev is ill at his home
on North II street.
+. S. Grinnell is business visitor
in the Coachella Valley over the
weekend.
G. S. Sawyer of Phoenix, Arizona,
was business visitor in Imperial
the middle of the week, returning
home Friday.
Mrs. W. II. Daniels was an FL
Centro visitor Wednesday,.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-01-30
IIERER
By Press STAFF Correspondent

HEBER, Jan. 30.-Mrs. II. p.
Hass and son Richard were called TO
Heber by the illness of Mrs. Haas ;
son Russell. Russell is now recover.
ing from severe attack of the flu
The Ladies' aid met for n social
meeting at the home of Mrs. Pris-
ella Skeats. The hostesses were
Mrs. Herschal Jones and Mrs. Wv
att Briggs. Those present were
McSdames Rover, Stevenson. Ritter,
Briggs, II. Jones. .\Skeats, Fishburn,
l.. D. Jones, Gavin, Womack, Potts,
A. Eogel, Courtney, Stephenson, An
hurg and Misses Wlyde Browne and
Phillips. Mrs. II. i. Haas was q
guest from Hemet.
Mrs. Matilda Ritter and daughter.
Mrs. Kennedy of IIemet, arrived in
Hcbcr for the weekend
The amateur play, "The Hoodoo
Coon,' win be given by the Ladies ;
aid on Friday, February ), Mt the
school house.
The Heber girl reserves put on a
program at the assembly hour on Fri
day morning. Miss Kelley gave "a
short talk about the work. The girl
reserves gave playctte and sang
songs.