Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-09-19
:'Now If Had Money! Is Phrase Which
Points to Varying Courses of Action
BIZ NINA WILCOX PUTNAM.

A SP. T. Barnum, the man who
~ invented the automatic pocket
IA hook-opener, once said, Money
may be the root Of all evil,
hut what / could do with a
Thousand dollars is nobody's bust
ness
And the truth of that has always
struck me on a real sensitive spot
For a long time now / have fully
realized what shame 1t is for me
not TO have money. Why. when ]
look at some OF the folks who do
have it, well. it just don't seem rea-
sonabIe, that's all. l got to talking
this over with Mabel Bush. the other
dsv. the one that's married to that
Joe Bush of the Hawthorn Club, and
for once in a lifetime, ] and she had
a real congenial time. We was speak
ing of the Goofnahs and what a pity
It was that people like them should
have so much money when anybody
could see that they didn't know how
to spend 1t.
Wen. my dear, I says to Mabel the
way that Goofnah woman dresses.
Expensive. OF course, but did you
ever see such terrible hats? / don't
know where she finds them. yes.
said Mabel, and her dresses or
course she uses the most expensive
goods. but they never look like any.
thing. why, if | do say so myself.
look twice az smart and | don't begin
to pay what she does.
Well. Mabel said a mouthful there,
on account everybody knows them
bushes don't begin to pay for any
thing. much less finish doing so. un.
less thew absolutely have to. But !
agree with her about Mrs. Goofnah.
WHY, IL Mabel thinks she is we'll
dressed beside that woman can
vernagine what could do to
specialtv shop with Mrs. Goodman :
income
tell you, dear. SAYS Mabel, her
clothes amt all that's wrong with
that woman. Why. she mas Tue
worst ideas on furnishing house
the place isn't even comfortable,
couldn't live in big barn like that
could you? And ] says no indeed
now II had money. I'd have a nice
house, Of course. with say i or Ia
bedrooms sos | could entertain my
friends.
TELL you. Mabel. I says. | can't
Il understand people like the Goof-
nahs. they are so inhospital! Looklt
that big house they got down to the
lake. And how many times 10 they
ask a person out there? Now. IT that
was nv house, I'd have it simply fun
of friends all the time-you know.
people who would appreciate 1t. I'd
ask the ones who didn't have much
themselves, the folks it would be
treat to.
So would I, SAYS Mabel. no rich
society people. eh? And | says GER
tainly not. dear. I personally myself
would keep my grand house just full
of poor relations and people from the
slun1s. II would be such treat to
them not to wash the dishes or make
their bed. or anything. And | would
buy them clothes, too. real nice things,
Just what they wanted.
I tell you another thing about tt 1t
Mrs. Goofnah. says Mabel. She's as
stingy as can he! Why. do you now
that when they was taking rp the
subscriptions for the home TO. blind.
crippled bull-frogs, all she give was
$40. No. l says, meaning yes. You
don't say, Well. | simply can't UNI
derstand that kind a thirg. that's all.
Now. II I had money. | hope to
tell you | certainly would be generous
with it, There's lct of things I've
tust been crazy to 40 in this world,
and IL | was suddenly to get money.
they would he the first things | would
attend to- | Always wanted 10 give
Aunt Eata a nice income. say 100000
a year. and p closed car. If | had
money. Id rush right out and buy it
for her Then there is that poor fam
ilv Of Whoosis. down the street. I'd
like to send all them kids to- college,
hire a girl to help that poor woman.
and AK up their house for them. while
they kissed my hands in gratitude.
and etc.
I'd give all my friends a hunk of
money, and I certainly wouldn't for