davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Coconino sun., 1926-10-01
VOTE UNANIMOUS FOR
A S25. .OOOO. 90 SCHOOL

Voters of the Peoples Valley
school district No. 55 at Prescott
have authorized $4,000 bond issue
for financing the erection Of new
school building. The vote of the dis
trict was unanimous.
The Coconino sun., 1926-10-01

Tent, 3047 university avenue, Thurs
day evening on the 9th of next
month. All Arizonans are requested
to send in their names, addresses, and
phone numbers to DR.. Jones at once.
The Coconino sun., 1926-10-01

is found that there is every argu-
ment in favor of this measure and
no reasonable argument against the
proposed improvement.
The Coconino sun., 1926-10-01
COnstraint

Mother (cautioning her little Cla-
rissa before the birthday party)
"Now remember, dear, you're host
ess. You mustn't eat unless your
guests are all served we'll"
Clarissa: "But-isn't that too for
MALI"
The Coconino sun., 1926-10-01

Lawyer: Better plead guilty.
The Judge will give you only two
years at the outside.
Culprit: "Yaas. But how many
years on de inside he gwine gimme?
Dat wat | want to know"
Evening star., 1926-12-12

said that something I said had made
him feel just terrible for days and
days till he knew that I hadn't said
what / said.
And then l got a note from Ernest
to ask me if he might take me to the
game, and so I knew it was all right.
Papa said, at first. that he would come
with us, but l was so afraid that it
might mean a chill. that 1 got Flossie
to get Mother to get Ted to get Uncle
Peter to take him.
Anyway, 1t meant that I went with
Ernest by ourselves and there was no
one else there, and we had awfully
good seats. right up at the back in
corner. There was a post partly in
front of us, but it didn't prevent us
fsom seeing anything.
All through the first half of the
game-foot ball games are divided into
three or four halves of about five min
utes each-Ernest kept looking into
my face in the strangest way. I felt
that he had something that he wanted
to say, and l looked back at him to
try to read in his face what it was.
but of course Ernest has the kind of
face that is hard to read even when
you look right into it.
Once Ernest seemed to be just going
to say something, but at that very
minute there was a lot of shouting
and yelling, something must have hap
pened l think, to do with the foot ball.
But presently, in the second half when
the game was less exciting, because I
think that both sides were exactly
even or something. and the time near
ly all gone, Ernest quite all of a sud-
den put out his hand and took mine
and said that there was nobody in the
world who meant to him what I did
and that ever since he had known me
he cared for nothing except me, and
that the law office are now giving him
over four hundred dollars a month and
Evening star., 1926-12-12

Jegun to gather once more. The po-
iiceman on the horse blew his whistle.
and pointed at two or three young peo-
pie who had edged their way In.
You'll have to move on" he said
to them. This is just for young men
and women over eighteen"
They're with me-" explained a mid
dle-aged lady, with an ingratiating
smile. please"
Meanwhile the policeman on foot
handed the newspaper up to his col
league.
1T looks like him." he said.
The other took the paper and
glanced at the picture. Then he read
the article underneath. Then he look
ed across the page and read another
article. in the outside column. When
he had come to the bottom OF this col
umn he turned over the pages until he
came to page seven. On page seven
he finished the article and then glanced
carefully through the comic strips at
the top of the page. Then he yawned
and handed back the paper.
II guess it's all right he said, but
you ought to be more careful after
this"
Yes. sir replied.
He blew his whistle. The taxi driver
started his engine. The crowd began
W 1HCCi obiiu Iiic uiiIOA NdiSNAS SPACoA
that was Gene Tunney, accompanied
by Queen Marie of Rumania. BY
the time we reached the Blackstone
there was a mob of several thousand
people waiting to see US, so we decid
ed to go in and ask II there was any
mail
AS we pulled up to the curb 1 paid
the driver, he touched his hat and
said. Better late than never" and
we fought our way behind q squad of
picked policemen into the lobby
There was no mail.
tCopyriEht 1926)
Evening star., 1926-12-12

You didn't see the big game today?
You certainly missed it. My boy Ted
was playing in it. You ought to have
been there. Ted was playing in the
forward line, and l must say Ted put
up great game. / tell you, this col
lege foot ball is about as fine and man
ly a sport as you can get.
Look at Ted Why Ted was just a
little shrimp till I got him started into
foot ball at the prep U was always
keen on the game. My brother and
both played on the college team in
1895, though Peter wasn't what you'd
call really first class.) Well. look at
Ted now. Why, he's heavier than /
was myself.
Yes, sir, that was a great game to-
day. At one time they broke right
through the center and they'd have
got clear away with it but for tackle
that my boy Ted made-one of the
best tackles ever saw, at least in the
game today. OF course, they do less
running than we did, but Ted got in
one pretty good run to-day. Ted's
quick on his feet, and what's more,
Ted can use his head. Now there
was one time to-day when Ted-Ted-
Ted-Ted-Ted.
AS REPORTED BY MISS MARY
DEEPHEART BROWN, ELDER
SISTER OF MISS FLOSSIE
FITZCLIPPET BROWN AND
DAUGHTER OF EDWARD
CHUNK BROWN, SENIOR,
IN A CONFIDENTIAL LET
TER TO ONE OF HER
SIX ONLY FRIENDS.
l must tell you all about the per-
fectly wonderful foot ball game last
Saturday. / hadn't seen Ernest for
three days and I was afraid that some
thing had happened or that I had said
something, because once before Ernest
Evening star., 1926-12-12

he added, that / would be at all in
| favor Of another war
"Of course not" l agreed.
Say" he went on, do you know
something"
WHAT asked.
I've got up a proverb about war,
| too" he replied. Would you like to
hear how 1t goes?"
Sure" l said
Well, it goes like this" he con-
tinued. War is"
He stopped and looked around at
my wife inQuiringly.
Can 1 speak frankly?" he asked.
Go ahead" she said.
You're sure she won't mind?" he
asked me.
"Of course not" I replied.
He considered a minute and then
| shook his head.
No" he said, Il guess I'd better
not. I'm sort. of old fashioned that
way" he continued, but | can never
| forget that every woman may be some
body's sister
You're perfectly right" I assured
him. MY wife has sister named
| Marjorie"
Thank God l stopped in time" said
| the driver.
| At that moment a policeman came
| around from behind the rear of the
| car.
Say. you" he yelled. Don't you
see them signals? What are you wait
| ing for?"
I'VE were talking about war" ex-
| planned the driver.
"There'll always be war" said the
| policeman. IT'S human nature"
do you want to bet?" asked the
| driver.
NO. I don't want to bet" said the
policeman, "and If you don't hurry up
| and get out of here
| He was interrupted by the arrival
of a mounted policeman, mounted, this
| time, on horse.
whats the row?:' asked the new.
conner.
He wants to bet that there won't
| be any more war;" explained the po-
| liceman on foot.
How much does he want to bet?"
asked the man on the horse.
Ten dollars" asserted the taxi
| driver. Even money"
Call the wagon" ordered the
mounted officer. Hes a pacifist"
| By this time a small crowd had be-
| ghn to gather, and at the mention of
| the word "pacifist" several of the on
| lockers began searching through their
| pockets for a piece of rope.
But l amt pacifist," said the taxi
driver and he appealed to the crowd
"Well, he's a taxi driver" called out
| voice from the edge, land that's
worse"
And what's more" said the driver.
II served in the great war"
Where" asked the policeman.
Right here in Chicago" replied the
| driver. II was an ensign"
Evening star., 1926-12-12

used to sleep down on the Municipal
Pier"
That was some navy" he COM
mented
Were you in it," l asked.
Sure" he replied. Il was an en-
sign"
Il was a COB" ! said
For the whole war;" he asked
For the whole war" | replied
You must have been awful dumb, -
said he.
Il was very near sighted" was my
defense.
He looked around at me.
II bet you was" he said.
Honest" l insisted. Look"
took off my glasses. Il can't see a
thing"
He seemed doubtful. turned to
my wife for co rmation.
Can / see thing?" / asked her
She leaned 1orward and spoke plead
ingly to the driver.
My husband speaks the truth" she
said. Wont you please believe him."
ASK me to see something" l added
challengingly, and III bet l can't"
The traffic signals were set against
US and the car came to stop.
How much will you bet?" asked
the driver.
Ten dollars" / replied.
I'D like to take five of that" Of
fered my wife.
II don't like to bet with women"
said the driver. Il can never forget
that my mother was woman"
II respect your feelings" / said
MY mother was woman. too"
Live and let live" said the driver.
"Fiddlesticks," said my wife.
That's just an expression of hers, 4"
I explained. 1T doesn't necessarily
mean that she plays the VIOLIN"
Il like good violin music said the
driver. Il took in some swell con-
certs here during the war"
Aren't there any now" / asked.
II don't have time for them any
more" he replied. sorrowfully. Some
times / think that the happiest days
of my life were spent here in the
navy. But / don't want you to think, :"
Evening star., 1926-12-12
Origin of Dentistry.

DENTAL therapeutics dates from
very remote epoch. 1t is not
known when this art commenced, but
it is we'll known that the Egyptians
practiced it to a considerable extent.
On a papyrus scroll estimated to date
back 300 years before Christ. which
was found buried at the feet of the
god Anubis. there were found written
remedies against painful molars and
way to alleviate other troubles of
the teeth by means of pulverized
drugs. The art of filling" is very
old. Egyptian mummies have been
found with molar cavities very care
fully closed. Others have artificial
teeth which show that in very ancient
times this dental process was known.
The Chinese cured toothache 2,700
years before our era. One of their
methods was to put iron rust in the
cavities.
Evening star., 1926-12-12

But | really know a lot about the
game because my brother Ted plays
on the team. They give another touch
of color by having some of the boys
stand along the edge of the ground
with bright bathrobes on. The UNI
pires have on white sweaters and there
are people called referees and they
wear long white coats to give touch
of light.
Tie game was terribly exciting.
The side that l think was our side
were all kicking the ball one way and
the other side the other way. Jack
was sitting on one side of me and
Bruce on the other and they explained
everything SO clearly-all about the
yards and the different points-that /
could understand practically exactly
very soon after it had happened. Some
times, of course, only the referee un-
derstands and the scoring has to be
done on a special board at the end of
the field SO as to add it up. But /
could tell which was our side all the
time even when they changed courts
after each rubber.
/ saw ever so many people that we
knew there because where we were in
the grandstand by standing up and
looking round you could see practical
~ eVeTyDouy. Thought SIcdt many
of the hats perfectly sweet. They
seem to be wearing softer colors this
Autumn I saw one hat of Valencia
blue felt that was just a dream.
Papa and Uncle Peter were there.
but don't think they saw us. They
seemed to be looking at the game all
the time.
It got tremendously exciting toward
the end. Both sides were exactly even
with the same number of sets and the
boys explained to me that 1t was just
a question now which side could knock
down the referee and sit on him. No
doubt 1t sounds brutal, but really when
you are there you get SO excited that
Evening star., 1926-12-12
BY RING IAARDNER.
Chapter "a of Autobiography.

%H HE day Of my divorce hearing
dawned bright and clear. BY
the time court opened II was
lust right for the spectators,
but little warm for the
litigants. The vast crowd was on
hand early and appeared highly enter
tanned at the antics OF the rival bands.
The twelve thousand correspondents
named by me made a tremendous
hit when they marched into the court.
room, stopped and formed G and
pointing at my wife, sang their alma
mater, Yes. Sir. That's My Baby!'
Hugga and I were called to the
center Of the room. where we first
shook hands and then cut for posi-
tons. Hugga cut the high card and
chose to sit near the west window,
where there was a slight breeze. The
officials were Judge Ogle, Attorney
Dumb for me, the plaintiff. and At
torney Wheedle for Hugga, the de.
fendant
Editors note: According to news
paper accounts. Mr., Lardner turned
down a suggestion OF his counsel's
that the case be tried before a petty
jury. saying that If Hugga found out
they were even the least bit petty
she would insist on a party instead
Of trial.
A transcript of the testimony will
best show what a raw deal got. The
only witness was Miss Sheets. a
chambermaid in the Baldwin Hotel at
Curve, Tenn.
Direct examination by Attorney
Dumb:
Q. Did you ever see this defendant?
A. Yes.
@. Where? A. Who?
Q. This defendant A. l seen her
at the Baldwin Hotel. in Curve.
@. Who? A. This defendant.
g. Was she alone? A. Why, sup
pose so. 1 don't think they ever was
time when we had more than one
guest.
g. Did you know she was married?
A. ] know she wasn't. She had a
single room.
Q. What was the number Of her
room? A. 502.
Cross examination by Attorney
Wheedle:
@. Miss Sheets, how is it that you
remember the number of this defend
ants room? A. l remember it be
cause it's the only room in the hotel
q. II there is only one room, In
the hotel, why Is II numbered 502:
A That's his favQrite number.
Q. Who? A. Jack Downey, who
runs the hotAL
Evening star., 1926-12-12
Testimony in Rings Big Divorce Hearing
Seems More Startling Than Conclusive

these correspondents? A. Yes, all of
them.
Q. Where? A. In the writing room
Of the hotel.
Q. What were they doing? A. Co
responding. (Cries of "Goodnessw and
Touchdown! TouchdownrD
Judge Ogle: "It seems to me
that this defendant proved herself a
woman Of extraordinary acumen in
selecting the only fireproof room In
the hotel If she had used half as
sound judgment in choosing a hus-
band, the less said about 1t the better.
The court finds for the defendant,
awards her $1,000 per week alimony,
a Colonial house within walking dis
tance of a golf course. half a mile
from the railroad station. five bed.
rooms. three baths, four servants
Evening star., 1926-12-12

But you take all these rules about
yards. and downs and offside play.
it's all changed; a man can't under
stand them. l sat next to my little
nephew Billie-hes Eds son, he's
eight-and / said, Can YOU under.
stand it. Billie?" and he said, Not
quite. Uncle Peter"
There you are. he couldn't under
stand it, and 1 said, 1T was a darned
sight better game thirty years ago,
Billie" and he said. WAS it, Uncle
Peter?" He's a bright kid.
But the way they have the game
now, there Is no interest in it, There
was whole lot of shouting and veil.
ing. but no enthusiasm. A lot of them
were waving their hats and hooting
till they were hoarse, but there was
no enthusiasm. When / used to play
and some one would shout from the
touch line 1--WE used to stand right
round the game them. go IT, Peter"
well, that was enthusiasm. You don't
get that now.
Oh, no. the game is gone to Hades.
AS REPORTED BY BILLIE COM.
INGUP BROWN, AGED 8, YOUNG
Err SON OF EDWARD BROWN
SENIOR.
Gee! 1t was wonderful! Gee.
BY MRS. UPTOWN BROWN-OTH.
ERW1SE "MOTHER"-PARE
OF FLOSSIE, MARY, TED AND
BILLIE. AND WIFE OF ED
WARD CHUNK BROWN,
SENIOR.
No, please don't go yet. We've
plenty Of time for another rubber.
They're all at the foot ball game. MY
little boy Ted is playing. and my two
girls are there too. Now, do stay!
And won't you have another whisky
and soda?
fCOpvrfrht 1904
Evening star., 1926-12-12
Sailing by Cyclone.

ONE Of the most novel propositions
~ in the matter Of navigation ever
advanced is that for which a French
mariner named Fieron stands re-
sponsible. The Frenchman thinks
that advantage may be taken Of the
favorable winds at the edge of q cy-
clone for facilitating navigation.
BY means of observations with the
barometer and other instruments he
would ascertain the direction in which
the storm is going and so shape the
course Of his ship that it would be
carried along by the sweep OF the at
mosphere, without becoming involved
in the dangerous center Of the storm.
This proposal to treat cyclones as
friendly aids to navigation may strike
one as an extravagant play of fancy,
but 1t is soberly advanced by Fieron,
who, 1t is said, has made certain
successful experiments in this new
method Of saikMn ~ sea.
Evening star., 1926-12-12

that If wouldn't marry him he would
give up the law all together and take
the first boat to Costa Rica.
And l said / didn't know what fa-
ther would say and Ernest said he
didn't care a whoop what father would
say ERNEST is so manly in the way he
talks and he offered to break fathers S
neck for me if l liked. So l said that
I hadn't ever meant to get married
but to be some sort of sister, but that
If he liked, / would get married this
time for his sake. And just then one
of the caretakers came to tell us that
the game was over and the people
had gone and they wanted to sweep
up the seats. So we went home to-
gether.
I think foot ball is perfectly Won
derful game.
AS REPORTED BY PETER HAS
BIN BROWN, BROTHER OF
EDWARD SENIOR AND UNCLE
OF FLOSSIE, MARY AND TED.
Yes, saw the game today. Pretty
rotten. Eds boy Ted was play
ing. and so I went with Ed and his
little boy, Billie, to see the game. I
hadn't seen a game since 1900, but
Of course Ed and I both played on
the college team, though Ed was no
good. AS l see it, they've pretty well
spoiled the old game. There doesn't
seem to be rule that they haven't
changed. Why, nowadays you can
hardly understand it. In my time,
of course, the game was far more
exciting.
Well, for one thing the fellows could
kick further, and the men were heav-
Ter and could shove harder and run
faster. Now the whole game seems
just dead. My nephew Ted has the
makings Of a good player in him; he
plays something of the kind of game
did. I've told him a lot of things
Evening star., 1926-12-12
Strength of Rings.

COME elaborate calculations backed
- by experiments have been made to
determine the breaking strength" of
rings. 1t appears that a ring of duo
tile material like malleable iron win
be pulled out into the form Of a long
link before IL breaks, and that the
ultimate strength OF the ring is vir-
tually independent Of its diameter.
Fracture finally occurs as the result
OF almost pure tension, and the resist.
ance to breaking Is a little less than
twice that Of q rod Of the same cross
section subjected to straight pull.
AS the ring increases in diameter
there appears to be a slight approach
toward equality, with double the
strength of bar. Thus 3-inch ring
made of Y inch iron broke at 1914
tons, a 4-inch ring at 1919 tons and q
6-inch ring at 20 tons. the strength Of
a bar Of the same metal being i0k
tons.
Evening star., 1926-12-12

y. L
some one plizze a. henswer de
/ talaphun wot it's reening!--
Looy--Hullo!!--Oh!
baby doll!t--Didja git in widout
wakin' de old man last night??. =. OATS 8
good. Say wot do va put in his
coffee??!+I'd like to slip some in my
old INNS. Yeah. .Shure he wuz upm
Put on de usual panic trew him
a fish and he piped down. Ha ha!
III bet de party's still going. .Who??
.oh-him-Ha ha!!-We locked him
out on de fire e-escape in hiz B. V. DIS
it wuZ a panic!--.... No dat
wasn't no taxi-dat was de pie wagon
1t did???-Aw. gee.-dat's
too bad! Didja try gasoline??-....
Gosh dat was awful stuff-yer lucky
it didn't boin holes troo yer dress.
Oh, Boy!-One shot Of dat white mule
an | saw horns on de hostess!!. .....
Who?? Dat big stiff??. .Lissen. one
more void outa him and he'd be woik.
in fist outa his good eye yetu-And
dat barlow he was witt!!-Where did
he dig her up??. -. .Wot??..... Mo
del-me eye! She lays a broom han.
die fer magician in Palisades Park!
No. Not him. E. Va mean Red
de guy dat fell down de air.shaftM
-. He wot??? - 49,. l wot? 80.
| did NARI ~ - edIl-- -1OIilc
again??-Well-wh WANT me
to say???--......W .Wuz it my fault??
What did he wanna sock de cop fer??
.Soich me. Il don't know.
Me?? Bail him out witt wot?? De
interest on me debts! Ha! Ha-
.Wot's dat? Sa-a-a-y-lissen Etel
Barrymore-you amt got no grounds
to make a crack like dat to mel
Yeah-Oh. -. Yeah. =. Keep on.
Well??. .Well??. .Wot should
do Bust out cryin'???. .WellM..
Well, / didn't tell va to do re Black
Bottom in front of de Seargent, did
I??? Yer wot??? Say, dat's anodder
ting.-Next time va park yer rodge
and lpstick in me pockets lemme.
know it. will ya??-No???-....
Didn't II. i pull out me hank
erchief in de car and six sailors starts
fioitin wild NELL Wot??. Why don't I
pull somethin' funny??? Yeah. lis
zat so??-Your old man sober?? Dat
I'D be funny!.-Oh-I'm wastin' me
time-am I??.... Say .lissen. baby
doll. dat reminds got a offer
..... No. the big store. LA
won't!!--Why wot's wrong about
bein Sanity Claus in a department
store??? Lissen, Lady Bilgewater,
don't go gittin' high hat jist because
dey made yer brudder q trusty last
week.. .Yeah???....Am A....222
Evening star., 1926-12-12

Y HEN you get 10 NSHlEdEO
n route from Los Angeles to
wv to New York you feel that
the trip is practically over.
II feel that the trip is
practically over | saiu ~ t..~ .~---
driver
fIe slowed down his car at street
crossing and leaned around to reply.
''a'erhaps it Is" he said. "and per
hAps Il amt. You know" he added.
Rome wasn't built in day"
but we aren't going to Rome"
made haste to assure him. We're
going TO New York"
Il knew you wasn't going to Rome"
he said. Rome wasn't built in a
day Is just a way l have of saying
something, only in my own way"
That's very interesting l agreed.
"And did you make it up yourself"
Practically" he replied
We'll, WELL" / said. Rome wasn't
built in a day l must remember
that"
You can change it. too" he went
on, like, for example. Minneapolis
wasn't built in a day'-or st. Louis
or any place you want to bring in"
Have you made up any other prov
erbs?" l asked.
Sure" he replied: II make them up
all the time. I'm working on one now
that goes something like this. Don't
bite the hand that's feeding you
Hows that?"
Excellent" replied, "and my wife
here thinks the same. When do you
think you will be finished with it?"
Before he had time to reply we had
come to a jam in the traffic. and that,
combined with the noise of the ele-
waited overhead. made conversation
fairly difficult for a while. Finally we
got onto the Michigan boulevard and
things went better
This is Michigan boulevard" he
said.
II know it," / replied. II used to
live in Chicago. | love it"
Love me. love my dog" was his
answer. ''Wherea bouts did you live?"
II was in the navy" replied 1T
Evening star., 1926-12-12

above and on the same floor as 502
destroyed by the fire? A. Yes.
(Catcalls.)
O. And Room 502 alone was un-
scathed. How do you account for
that? A. l have nothing to do with
the accounting. That is attended to
by the bookkeeper. bird calls and
bugle calls.)
@. Was this defendant in Room
502 at the time of the fire? A. Yes
Q. How do you know? A. If she
wasn't, she'd Of been burned. Violins,
violoncellos, etc, pizzicato)
@. Have YOU ever seen any Of