davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-07-20

Dividend rates ae given In the above table
are the annual cash payments based on the
latest quarterly OF half yearly declaration
Unless otherwise noted. extra or special divi-
'Partly stock. Partly extra. sPayable
in common stock. $Plus 4 20 in stock pay y ;;
this yearNno regular rate b Plus 1917 in
common stock payable 2H % quarterly.
9 Payable in cash or stock. Plus 2 " % in
stock Plus 2-50 share in stock. Plus
81 in special stock. j Plus 81 In epeCal
stock Plus 2%s in stock.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-07-20
FEDERAL LAND BANK BONDS.
Quoted by Alex. Brown Sons. Closing
GERMAN BONDS AND STOCKS.

Quoted in dollars per million marks.)
Bid. Asked.
Ger CT Nv In 5s 1914-1s. 10000 Ii75.O0
Hamburg "a 1919. 1000 1880
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-09-02

Mrs. Florence Grail, safety
director in Lorain, o., where
her husband is mayor, may
lose her job as result of war
against vice that is shaking
city. Her husband offered to
sacrifice Mrs. Grail in cleanup
campaign.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-09-02

jeremiah Croxton, known
far and wide in California as
Golden Rule Jerry" proved
his right to the name when he
concluded a two-year search
and arrested his son-in-law,
George Williams, alleged en-
bezzler. 1t is charged Will
liams stole $1,000 from Office
of Croxton, sheriff at Hollis.
ter, Cal.
Evening star., 1926-03-14
ckinS Dumb Players Alien Barriers and New Ideas for Business
Moral Turpitude Furnishes Subject
For Debate on American Home Records

country for political reasons. Now
it's different"
Getting back to moral turpitude,"
] comes back, "the Government must
have had some idea what it was when
they put it into a law"
II imagine" answers Finnegan,
that the original idea was to keep
out yeggmen, coke peddlers and other
crooks that would just help fatten the
criminal element here. but getting
divorce is not a crime. We're just
getting to be a bunch of hypocrites."
Where does the hypocrisy come
in?" I asks.
"To the outside world" returns
"High Dome" I'VE act SNUG and
pure, and inside we're no better than
the rest of the countries, maybe lit
tie rottener in some things. Just
think of q nation that has II record
for more divorces than any other
country, barring somebody because
they've been divorced, and 80 per cent
Of them divorced for the same reason
that the countess WaS!
Having divorced persons OF our
own" i suggests. might be good
reason for not wanting any more"
THAT" growls F'innegan. "is just as
sensible as barring near sighted folks
because We got enough near-sighted
folks here already. That's the whole
trouble-we're turning personal likes
and dislikes into law. A guy doesn't
like cigarettes. He goes out and
finds thousand other folks that
don't like cigarettes. The first thing
you know a food of propaganda is
started. flock Of Congressman are
cowed. and you've got law against
them"
How can handful of folks put
over a law that the majority don't
want?" asks.
Easy" returns Ffnnegan. AN or
ganiZed minority with some dough
can smash through a law before the
majority knows what's happened to
'em. By the time the majority Or
ganizes itself it's too late"
why don't you move out of the
country if you don't like it," / grunts.
II don't move out of house because
the roof leaks. feller." comes back
Finne gan. Il do my best to plug up
the hole"
tCopyright. 19261
Evening star., 1926-03-14

nv breakfast, and found that that
heavy sensation of having eaten dis
appeared at once. Frequently would
look across at my employer from desk
to desk and smile brightly at him to
remind him that, after all, life is only
dark when it is not bright.
1 felt certain that the time was near
ing when the mans power of resist
ance would break down and OF sheer
necessity he would raise my pay. /
was following carefully all the direc.
tions for raising salaries that are laid
down in the best manuals on business,
and I felt confident that in the end 1t
must work.
The item, however, which at last
brought things to a head was my cor
respondence with our customers. In
the list Of instructions about how to
succeed which I quoted above there
was one that I have omitted, which
read as follows:
Success in modern business depends
on and demands sympathy. Coldness
repels. Warmth attracts. Heat is
warmth. If you have correspondence
to carry on, remember that a little
touch of personal sympathy, some
thing of human feeling, is always In
place. Let your correspondent know
that he is dealing with a human being,
that you take an interest in his well
Evening star., 1926-03-14

fare. A kind word only takes mo.
ment to write. Kindness brings profit.
sympathy is money"
In our office, as I said, we sold
wholesale lumber on consignment and
lot of my routine work was CORE.
spondence in regard to incoming or
ders. 1t had always seemed to me dull
routine work, but it occurred to me
now with a new sense Of elation that
I could put into 1t exactly the human
touch mentioned in the instructions.
In fact, among my earliest efforts to-
ward success / had begun trying to
improve my correspondence.
At last this bore fruit. Mr.. Crunch
called me to his desk one afternoon
after the others had gone out.
Young man." he said, II want to
ask the meaning Of this"
He took from his desk a bundle Of
letters. / could see at once that they
were the letters that I had been send
ing out which had evidently been sent
back to him.
You wrote these, did you not?" he
asked.
"Yes, Mr.. Crunch" said. "Corre.
spondence is the touchstone Of bust.
ness efficiency"
ut seems so," he said. Here he be-
gan unfolding the letters. IT notice."
he went on, that you no longer sign
Evening star., 1926-03-14

would be close to q teammate. But
they caught him in a run-up and
tagged him out. Chapman decided
while this was going on that traffic
conditions around third base was get
ting impossible. so he put her in re-
verse and made for second. Whom
should now be occupying that bag
but Mr.. Olsen the maker of the fatal
base hit. Collins took a throw from
Baker and tagged out Olsen as he
and Chapman was engaged in litiga-
ton over the ownership of what /
have nicknamed the keystone sack.
Chappie now realized that one base
was just as crowded as another and
third was nearer home than second.
so he headed again for third. but be-
fore he got there was surrounded by
the Shibes, Connie Mack and the list
Evening star., 1926-03-14

Cleveland club and singled into a
triple play. Doc Johnston was on
third base and Ray Chapman on Sec
ond with nobody out. The Athletics
infield was playing in, and Doc was
told to not try and score on any
thing that did not go through. Ivy
hit bad bounding ball between third
and short. Jack Barry just managed
to touch it and the ball shot off
acrost the foul line and pretty near
to the bleachers. Chapman run down
to third. where he found Doc stand
ing about 10 ft. off same studying a
Lackawanna time table.
The Philadelphia left fielder finely
retrieved the agate and shot it to
Schang, who loped up the third base
inc toward Doc. Doc recognized him
and started back to third, where he
Evening star., 1926-03-14

is another place l certainly would
visit when In Ireland. We all have
heard about the w. X. Blarney Stone.
and how II a person kisses 1t, why
from then on they can't say nothing
but pleasing, nice sweet things And
believe you me, IL l was to go there
to the quarry, I would surely bring
home couple scraps, one to George,
that's my husband. and one to that
Mabel Bush, my best friend And l
would make them kiss those scraps
in order that all other scraps between
rs should be ended from then on. But
before I got them to do so, or even
kissed the stone my own personal self,
| would want to find out, first, does
kissing the Blarney stone make per-
son mean the nice things they say. or
are they still entitled to their own
thoughts?
Well, anyways, by the time all these
thoughts had gone through my head.
l and Miss Demeanor had reached the
doors Of Holler Hail. where the
League for the Return Of Snakes, etc.
was to strut itself. Naturally Miss
Demeanor had been talking steady all
the way, but, lost in the big thoughts
as per see above, l had merely said
really dear?" onct in a while when
her breath run out.
So naturally she was feeling very
friendly towards me by the time that
we arrove, and was even telling me I
was a very intelligent, understanding
woman, and positively her dearest
friend, and how she would not have
told me all this only she knew /
would never repeat a word Of 1t. And
she was right, I wouldn't. She was
safe on account hadn't heard a word.
We went on in the hall. then. and
the meeting commenced. A feller
got up and told all about how un-
necessary 1t was to introduce the
speaker of the day on account we
already knew him so we'll. The in
troducer done this for one half Of
an hour. Then, just to make sure
there could be no possible mistake,
and also just in time to keep the
speaker from throwing a fit, he actu-
ally did introduce him.
The speaker got up and made a
talk to the effect that there was al
ready leagues for all kinds of things.
and that as none of these leagues was
meeting with overwhelming success,
why it seemed a good time to start
movement of the snakes back to Ire.
land, where they had been cruelty
driven out by ST. Patrick.
The speaker didn't exactly say that
St. Patrick had done this because of
any personal real estate holdings in
Evening star., 1926-03-14

ireland, but he kind Of hinted as
much. And what was even further,
he let us understand that the saint
had probably sent the snakes to
Florida as part of the great anti
Florida propaganda that Is going on
these days. But he pied with us to
consider the feelings of the snakes
themselves. He pretty near had me
weeping over the wrongs of them
poor animals, or insects or fishes. or
whatever snakes are. He described
their heartbreaks and their economic
condition SO sadly.
X **
TT seems lots was selling for such
high prices in Florida the snakes
could not longer afford to live on
them, and was being chased Off by
the tourists, to wander around nome
less without even a corner saloon or
psycopathic ward to shelter them. The
liquor law enforcement was getting
so strict down there that even the
bootleggers had gone back on EN-!
He sure was one eloquent speaker.
that boy. and in the end / contributed
half dollar to the fund when they
passed the plate, or. at least. thought
/ did until after, when / discovered it
W
off my coat in my excitement.
Well anyways, after this meeting I
went on home. all set to tell Mary she
was going home pretty soon. but be-
fore / got the chance she showed her
Irish blood. all right. The minute I
come in she was right there in the
hall and took my wet coat.
Well Mary, when are you going? I
says, and she give me the sweetest
smile, Going? she says. why who said
anything about going? Why couldn't
leave you, nam. all alone in this
house with the lights going out all the
time the way they do. and the garbage
man never coming and you having to
carry out all the trash and burn 1t
up, and the water here SO hard it
would kill your poor hands to put
them in 1t, and your poor back like to
be broke, you'd never get on without
me- at all! And I saws fine, Mary. hut
what made you change your mind,
why are YOU conner stay? And she
says nobody could make me change
me mind. leave them try once. that's
all. I'm STAYING because my folks was
Kings in Ireland once, and that's rea-
SON enough.
And / says. we'll Mary dear, your
eolks may have been Kings in Ireland,
but like most Of YOUR kind. since
ou've moved over here you go them
one better-you're an Ace!
tCopyright. 1926)
Evening star., 1926-03-14

got the Charleston beat a mile. How
l would love to see them out on the
old village green. wearing the real ma
tive pairs of heavy brogues and dane
ing the Shilleh or the Shenanagan.
and all them other native dances.
do love picturesque things like that.
the nativer the better, and Irishmen
wearing tails to their coats, clay pipes
in the face, and dancing to the tune
of Sweet Rosie O'Grady," or some
other simple folk song. must be ex-
tremelv so. I'll even bet the Ladies'
Auxiliary serve tea and shamrock
shaped cookies for refreshments
after.
Then I'd be just crazy about jaunt-
ing over the green hills. and etc. in
one Of them haunting carts you read
about. I'd like to go all over the
place and see the fields and fields of
hlackthorne clubs. which / take 1t
from the ones / have seen pictured
IN the hands Of Irish. cartoons, well,
from what I imagine, them fields
must look a good deal like our as
paragus ones, only on larger scale.
I'd want to see the peat mines. too.
where they dig up all the peat they
burn instead of coal, and as for the
dairies and stock farms, they must
be simply wonderful, on account the
Irish bull is famous all over the
world
Then there is other interesting live
stock over there, by (which I mean
the Kilkenny cats. I have heard OF
them animals all my life, but / dunno
did I actually ever see one, yet, and
I admit I am not exactly certain II
they are supposed to be Of the fur
bearing variety, but If the latter Is
he kind they are, I bet they are born
with their fur standing on end.
But it Is by no means only the cities
I wanner see, over there. There Is
the famous reservoir, Lake Killarney.
What with the enormous no. OF songs
which has been written about that
lake. I would certainly like to see 1t.
let alone taste it to find out what's
in 1t that makes 'em sing and write
poetry once they have tasted the
waters.
r NOTICE where in Art and Litera-
ture, the Artisans and Literary
lights and livers will every onct In q
while get bitten by some section OF
geogra ply, and will sing, write and
draw about it for quite a spell. But
there Is two spots on this terra Gotta
hat never goes out Of style, and them
is Lake Killarney and Dear Old Dixie
Land.
The famous rock-quarry at Barney
Evening star., 1926-03-14
Humorist Finds Ball Players in Florida
Have Original Ideas About Fans at Home

OF Philadelphia players eligible for
the next world serious.
The papers called me the dumb
bell of that little party" said Ivy
sadly. and one time in your town
the was referring to Chicago) I pulled
Vean Gregg out Of terrible hole by
working the hidden ball trick on
Felix Choufnard, and the papers said
one bonehead had been outboned by
another. But of all the towns I ever
played in Brooklyn is the bedbug's
sleeping bag. Hit a home run and
win the game for Brooklyn and the
police half to help you around the
bases because 6 or hundred fans
had made up a $3.50 pool that you
would pop out
1t will be recalled that Jack Four
nier told the public prints what he
| thought of the Brooklyn crowd
While he was hitting $50 and had
drove in 100 runs. the home bugs
Jumped on him like he was public
Fairgrounds. and Jack said he would
never again perform before such a
gang of babboons. Jack was coaxed
to reconsider. and when he showed
up on the field next day his former
booers was restrained with difficulty
from kissing him.
I need not state that Jack and Ivy
and Stocky is now all Florida real
tors. as what ball players amt?
Bernie Cummins' Orchestra plays
in the Belleair grill every night till
II, and if you amt been trampled to
death by that time you can get them
to play a hr. longer by handing them
$4,000. Well. one night they played 2
extra hrs. for a 100000 and was all
wore out and wouldn't play no more
rNr4ia h1if CT ~.
9 couple that could breathe and Geo.
Downs give me $4,000 to put in a hr.
at the piano. In lest than 10 minutes
was the only one left in the grill.
but the next night 1 played the
$4,000 on the I'd. 12 numbers and it
come up double o.
The day before I started North we
paid a visit to New Port Richey.
which might be described as Great
Neck II, as pretty near everybody
from our town has boughten himself
piece of land there. Amongst them
is Reggie Sims, Sam Harris. Ernest
Truck. Earl and Chris Benham. Os-
car Shaw, Geo. Holland. Raymond
Hitchcock and Zabelle Hitchcock. 1t
is a pretty spot, and we was the ben
eficiaries of a picnic lunch, which
was the best meal / had in Florida.
That amt plastering it with no gold
medals, but it really was a grand
meal.
The dinning car conductor on the
trip back to New York, one A. j.
Williams. give me the biggest thrill
of the trip by calling me by name
the first time 1 set down to eat. But
when l admitted who / was he said:
II knew I was right. l recognized
you from the Jack keefe cartoons"
Evening star., 1926-03-14
Further Application of the Principles
Set Down in Famous Book on Efficiency

for this firm Yours truly or Yours
faithfully You put Yours for on.
timism' and Yours for a hundred per
cent Amcricanism' and Yours with a
big hurrahr"
Yes. Mr.. Crunch" I answered.
THAT Is the new element in modern
business which marks it off from the
| old. Modern business is warm. got
| those forms out of book, but the let
ters made up myself. You will see
| the same element of warmth in all Of
them.
II do see it," he said. "Here is a.
letter that you wrote in answer to an
inquiry for 10000 feet Of dressed pine.
I'll read 1t to you.
Dear sirs: Your very human re.
guest for 10000 feet Of dressed pine
has come to hand, and your sweet or
der shall be filled without delay. The
lumber will go forward today and
carry with 1t our best love and good
| wishes for a bright Winter
Here Is another one Of the same
sort about some hemlock.
My Dear, Dear Sir: When We
opened your order for 10000 feet of
hemlock In the rough it seemed to
bring with 1t all the odOr Of the for.
est. Do you remember Evangeline?
"This Is the forest primeval, the mur-
muring pine and the hemIock"? Well.
that is the kind Of hemlock that we
will send you. AS to the price-now,
now, we won't quarrel about that.
What we aim at is service. Make the
price anything you like. And be sure
to let us know from time to time how
you like the hemlock and all that you
are doing and thinking
|
posts.
$50 you don't like the cedar posts
we sent you? Naughty man! Never
mind, send them all back They don't
/ suit for the work. you say? Then
shall just give each post a big slap.
| So there!"
Mr.. Crunch laid down the letters.
Now. what in Hades does all this
mean?" he said.
| "Mr. Crunch answered, "it
means that a new element has come
into modern BUSINESSMAN element Of
magnetism. Of personality. of dyna.
mic power. The man who would sue
ceed today"
"Cut it out right there" said my
ten years you've been faithful EN-.
ploye Of this company and a good
worker For a month past you are
all wrong. You act like an accident
and you sing in the ONCE. What does
1t mean?"
Efficiency" / said.
Instead Of writing ordinary letters
| you send out all this fool ttuff.:
What's it for?'
Magnetism I said: Service"
whats the idea Of it all?"
| "Mr Crunch" / answered. 'by
such means alone can a man hope to
Evening star., 1926-03-14

burglary business the last thing In
the world I would plagiarize is a
grapefruit which in my estimation Of
men and events classes Just south of
nah jongg and spinal meningitis.
However, I took another look at
the driver and whom should it be but
Jack Fournier the Brooklyn first
baseman and his teammates Milton
Stock and Ivy Olsen, or at lease Ivy
use to be his teammate before the
refugees from the zoo that attends
ball games in Brooklyn booed him
into the real estate business. We all
drove up to the hotel and after 1 had
got rid of the ladies with a gesture
the 4 of us set down in the grill and
1isgusted halcyon days in the pas
time. Ivy recounted the incidence
of when he was a member Of the
Evening star., 1926-03-14
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

r WENT home little discouraged
after the boss-who wanted the
office to himself in the early
morning-told me to quit get
ting down before he did. But l
was still determined. After all. l
thought, as my mind ran over the
booklet giving the principles OF sue
cess. I've only tried part of it. It's
nv appearance that's against me. l
Ion't look enough like a terrier. The
book had advised that.
So the next day went and had my
hair shfngled to the scalp ana got
shaved clear back to my ears. got
tight suit that fitted to the skin and
was as short in the leg as a prize
dogs jacket. l got little hard nat
with no rim to speak of at ail-in
short, I based my costume on Dill
board picture that had seen that was
called Look your worth. Snappy
clothes will raise your pay
When Mr.. Crunch saw me next day
he looked at me for moment as II ne
were going to raise my salary on the
spot. -,
"Appearance, Mr.. Crunch" I said,
els the dominating factor in modern
business. What we see Is what we
closed my mouth incisively, to
,rean that I had nothing to add, and
turned quickly to my work at my
desk.
To my surprise. however, nothing
happened. ,o+
rs reach him through uplift. The man
who would succeed today must be sat
urated with moral earnestness right
to the skin"
SO the next day commenced sing
ing inspirational songs gently to my
self in the office as | sat at my desk.
Each time my employer had occasion
to come near me he could hear me
very softly singing There Is Green
Hill Far Away or "Stand for the
Right" / was certain at the time that
it impressed him. More than once he
seemed about to say something. Each
evening as l passed out of the office
let him hear me singing
There's home for little children
Above the bright blue sky"
Still, somehow, it didn't work.
Meantime, / had not been deficient
in attention to my physique and the
welfare Of my body as factor in sue
cess. Diet was my first care. ! cut
out my lunch entirely, with admirable
results. Only those who have tried it
know how clear ones head is for work
after lunch when one has had no
lunch.
Delighted with the result. I cut out
dinner. The effect was excellent. The
heavy, drowsy feeling that is apt to
disable one after dinner entirely van
ishes after not eating dinner.
Overjoysd with thiss ] next cut out
Evening star., 1926-03-14

what is it. exactly?" inquiries.
81 don't know and nobody else
does" returns High Dome" "It va
ries with different times and in diff
ferent places. When / was a boy
wearing silk stockings was moral tur
pitude in Arkansas and smoking Gig
arettes was moral turpitude in Kan
sas."
That's got nothing to do with peo-
pie from other countries" / rema rks.
Views have changed with regard
to them, too" says Finnegan. "Twen-
ty years ago we welcomed anybody
that was running away from his
Evening star., 1926-03-14
BY SAM HELLMAN.

E\ turpitude n stuff I been
NV reading about?" / asks
High Dome" Finne
moral turpitude," explains that
two-story thinker. "is the bunk that
gets you a bunk at Ellis Island like
it done for this Countess Catchcan."
whats bunk about it?" i demands.
"She ran away with another frill's
meal ticket, didn't she?''
"Yes," returns High Dome" "but
who's business is that besides the
two families mixed up in it,"
Don't we have to protect the
morals Of our folks against them
kinda skirts?" asks.
Sure" sneers Finnegan. Imagine
the effect the sight of a divorced wom-
an would have on the night club
gangs. the gin,toting fiappers and the
nifty nudes of the New York stage.
shudders when l thinks Of It,"
Just the same" I remarks, 'you
gotta draw the line somewhere on
the kind Of foreigners you're gonna
let into the country"
That's true" admits High Dome"
Nobody would like to see a swarm
Of gangmen and porchclimbers come
over here from Europe, but when
they keep out a woman who's been
divorced it's just a lot of silly hooey.
Suppose England was to bar all New
York Divorces! Whatd happen?"
"The steamship companies would
go blooey," says I. but maybe they
amt as afraid OF their morals over
there as we are"
They're not the hypocrites we
are," snaps Finnegan. That's the
answer. Besides. they're probably
too busy over there keeping down
murders and robberies to butt into
peoples personal affairs. We don't
care how many murders we have in
this country as long as we can keep
long kisses off the movie screens
We've just gone plain cuckoo"
II agrees with you." / returns.
that we paws too much attention to
folks private business. but. after ALL
YOU gotta admit that the idea is