davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

REDUCING BY ENLARGING

There are some wise guys in Con-
gress!
Yeh! Wise just like a fish,
Now comes one Davey, an Ohio
Congressman, with a sweeping and
all-powerful panacea(?) for the ills
of all the government by a pet bill
of his for the reorganization of the
administration of the United States.
He sets forth that there are too
many people employed in administer
ing the Governments affairs, and the
first paragraph calls for the reduc-
ton of these employees. THEN HIS
SECOND PARAGRAPH CALLS
FOR THE APPOINTMENT OF A
COMMISSION OF TEN AT A
SALARY OF $4,000 EACH TO
ADMINISTER THE BILL!
AT one fell swoop this wise guy
Congressman wants to add 100000
to the expense of Government, YET
HE CLAIMS HE WANTS TO RE-
DUCE IT!
Can't you see it? This bird hopes
to be appointed on the commission
for ten thousand smackers year.
And no doubt he has lot of other
lame ducks" in mind who want
these fat $4,000 year jobs
Daveyl He ought to be called
GRAVY
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Dutch Cows Given All
the Comforts of Home

The bovines are the only type of
animal that furnishes man with food
through infancy and maturity and
consequently are treated with consid-
Grafton by every nation for sentl-
mental as well as economic reasons.
receiving greater care than humans in
some countries. Cows in Holland are
treated with as much consideration as
human beings. They have the best OF
food. Their sheds are furnished They
even have overcoats when they go out.
There are lace curtains In the win
dows of many Dutch cowsheds. And
the floors are laid with shining white
tiles, Kept sp6tIess1y Clean Lest her
tail should drag in the dirt, the Dutch
COW has II held up by neat chain
fromsthe roof. Her horns are scrubbed
and polished. =
She Ia carefully groomed. She spends
eight months of the year indoors. To
tighten the darkness Of winter the
cowshed Is provided with electric
lights. There is also some kind OF
heating system.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

DABIES and children, the same as
- adults grow weary of being fed
the same food In the same way each
day. II Is true that most children take
naturally to milk. but that does not
mean that they must be fed 1t ad
nauseam. On the cont rary, that Is the
very thing to be avoided.
Pediatricians advise consumption by
children of quart OF milk day In
one form or another This does not
mean skim milk, but whole milk, for
the skinned product Is lacking both
In butter fat and the essential food
element known as vitamin A, which Is
found In butter fat. Many mothers
do not appreciate that removal Of
cream from the top of bottle Of
milk results In skim milk.
In evaporated milk. product rec
ammended by many leading doctors
for the use of infants and children
and which Is simply pure cows milk
sterilized In cans and with sixty per
cent Of the water removed, there is
no cream line The milk In the top
Of can Is the same as II is in the
bottom OF the container. This re-
suits from process called homogeniz-
alton, In which the fat globules in
the milk are broken up into such
microscopic bits that they remain in
homogeneous suspension. Evers drop
Of homogenized milk has buttery
taste because II contains butter fat.
For this reason, In evaporated milk
there ls none of the fiat taste one
finds in drinking from the bottom of
bottle OF market milk.
In order to avoid feeding the baby
or child plain milk three or four times
a day, many authorities recommend
the use Of mixture of fruit Juice and
milk, a highly palatabe and ,efresh-
ing drink.
Following is recipe worked out
by experts for an orange-milk drink
Mix In fruit jar q of cupful of
orange juice, 4 OF cupful of evap-
Grated milk, three teaspoonfuls of
sugar. "a teaspoonful of lemon juice
and few grains of salt. Shake well
before serving
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
MuFauorite Stories
BY IRplN S. coeB
A Start From Humble
pa1,np.

MIR. Campbell. who was lawyer,
his Office ut $50 in the morning to
find the fire In the CRATE unkindled
and the floor unswept and the place
generally in state of disorder II
was nearly nine o'clock before Ike, his
black Office servant, appeared,
Good Lord, Ike" said Mr. Camp
bell petulantly. whats detained
your"
Mist Campbell" apologized Ike,
you nust please, sub. 'scuse me fur
bein' late dis one time. | sort of over
slept myse'f. De truth of the matter
is dat wuz kept up de best part of
de night on count of jinin' a Guild
lodge"
at surely didn't take you all night
to Join a lodge did it2"
NAV sub, not perzac1y. De fust
part of de evenin' dey wuz 'niciatin'
me into de membership an de rest of
de time dey wuz 'onductin' me into
office"
isn't It rather unusual to confer
an Office on a member Immediately
after taking him inn"
NAV sub, OATS de standin' rule in
dat lodge-jes' soon ez you is 'niciat-
ed you gifts Il office"
what office did they confer upon
your
Imperial Supreme King"
"What?"
Oats whut dey calls it-Imperial
Supreme King of de Universe"
isn't that rather a high office for
brand new member3"
"Why. nav. sub. Mist Campbell.
OATS de loves office dey is in dat
lodge. Wen Is been In spell longer
dey is goln' to give me somethin' real
ly worth while"
Copyright by the Central Press Association,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
LOVE THE HOME TOWN PAPER

"Irreverant shears are never laid
upon the Presidents tome paper.
That is the greatest newspaper, the
most important newspaper that
comes to the White House, and the
President wants it all."--Tomahawk,
Wisconsin, Leader.
The population of every great city
is largely made up of men and
women from small towns. Many of
them are never weaned away from
the old home surroundings and they
read the home town paper from the
first paragraph to the last That is
the reason the rural papers of Amer
lea have such a far-reaching in
fluence, in safeguarding the ideals
and traditions of our constitutional
form of government and what it
stands for. High Bridge Gazette.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
A CHALLENGE TO NEW
HOPE CIVIC PRIDE

Appeal has been made to New
Hope residents to raise fund to
cover cost of fire alarm connections
with the Lambertville system. This
should find ready answer among
the up-andgoing residents of the
Borough, for they have never been
remis in living up to their respon-
sibilities.
When the fire alarm system was
installed in Lambertville it naturally
eliminated the uncertain method of
telephoning the New Jersey Rubber
Company power house for the
whistle to be sounded. Now the
whistle can sound only when signals
are pulled in the boxes. Thus it
cuts New Hope out.
But the Lambertville Fire Depart
ment has lived up to its reputation
of cooperation and helpfulness by
agreeing to connect New Hope on
the system if boxes are installed in
the Borough and wires carried over
the bridge. In fact, the Lambertville
committee went so far as to go to
the expense Of installing switch
board large enough to accommodate
New Hope also.
Now it is up to New Hope to
supply the funds to cover the cost
of the boxes and wiring. And judg-
ing by past responses to civic needs.
it is safe to predict that New Hope
residents won't be long in forking
over the cash.
This paper sends its check for
$500 as n starter, and will publish
weekly lists of contributors so that
all will receive public acknowledge
ment for their cooperation. New
Hope and Lambertville always work
together in such things, and civic
pride should prompt every resident
to respond nobly. Any member of
the Borough officials or Eagle Fire
Company officers can take your con-
tribution and give you receipt. In
this way records can be kept to give
public acknowledgement.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

friends In the cafes and bazaars.
Such chef Is Haroutoun Gedojlan
sometime chef to the family royal o.
the khedive Of Egypt. now the owner
of bizarre gold coast restaurant IN
Chicago. In his forty-three years as .
chef extraordinaire, Haroutoun's WORD
has been law in the cuisines of three
Egyptian princes and one princess
the mother OF the khedlve. Wher
Lord Kitchener was sirdar OF Egypt
before the trouble In the Soudan
Haroutoun cooked for him.
One of Kitchener's fsvorlte dishes
according to Haroutoun, was schisch
kabb, dish made from milk-fed baby
lamb. Prince Jamiel. another OF hi,
masters, was particularly fond OF
dried cream and honey. prepsrariez
which is one of Haroutoun's zealously
guarded secrets Prince Saad Pashs
was keen admirer of CONNECTION
Haroutoun makes entirely out OF
-four, butter and nuts.
In many of his admirable dishes
Haroutoun uses evaporated milk
which is simply fresh cows mill
sterillzed in cans and with sixty pei
cent OF the water removed. Because
OF homogenizing process through
which evaporated milk Is put. the
fat globules in the milk are broken
up into microscopic particles and dis
tributed throughout the milk, where
they remain In homogeneous suspen
sion.
This breaking OF the fat glohule,
gives a distinct buttery flavor to every
drop OF the evaporated product, 9
favor which ordinary market milk
does not have. Haroutoun says hi
uses evaporated milk In preference t.
market milk in the preparation OF al
sorts of baked dishes. as well a. II
cooking,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Dirt Cheap

The late Samuel Gompers, condemn
Ing the pardon of two notorious law
breakers, said one day to a Washing
ton correspondent
1.-THE short time these men have
served about tenth of their actual
sentences reminds me of story. It's
a story about bogus oil stock mil
lionaire who motored friend out to
his new home on Long Island. The
friend gazed In awe at the vast pile.
Holy smoke, George he said,
what did this cost your
Three months Is all, answered the
millionaire"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
ART APPRECIATION

"a super-realistic painter was CIV
ing an exhibition. He buttonholed a
well-dressed chap, led him up to a
picture and began:
This will show you the thing
Pm after. We super-realists, you see,
strive for the purgation of the su-
perfluous, we paint esoterically and
not exotically, portraying nothing
but the aura or inner urge. Do follow
me?'
Follow your said the prospect
Gosh, I'm ahead of you. came out
of the bug-house last Monday"
-Phila. Bulletin.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
ST. PETE POST NOW
AMONG MILLIONAIRES

hMONu
(By The American Legion News
Service)
ST. PETERSBURG, Fla.,--Arm-
stice day, 1925, was literally, gold
en- day for st. Petersburg Post of
The American Legion.
On that day the post was made a
gift of property valued at $1,250,000
and in addition went over the top
in membership for 1926 with 552
members, one more than the mark
reached in 1925.
The gift of the property was
made by C. Perry Smell, wealthy
pioneer realty developer of st. Pet
ersburg. The gift makes the Legion
post here probably the richest post
in the world. In presenting the
property, Mr.. Smell said:
"This, in small measure, is an
expression of my gratitude to the
boys who fought, suffered and died
on the fields of France for the honor
of their country"
Mr.. Smell, veteran of the Span
ish-American war, has been one Of
the Legion's greatest benefactors
since the inception of the organiza-
ton.
st. Petersburg Post, which has the
reputation of carrying out the best
community recreational program in
the state, will make of their newly
acquired ten acres of water front
property, recreational center where
stadium and club house will be
built. Another 100 acres will be
held in perpetual trust by the Le-
gion and will be used for park
and golf course.
The Legionnaires of st. Petersburg
underwrite all athletics for the high
school and grammar school and civic
improvements such as parks and
Fairgrounds. Their income from var
ious sources is between five and six
hundred dollars week.
"St. Petersburg Post has owned
its own clubhouse for three years,
paying for it by hard work and not
subscriptions. The members always
give instead of take and perhaps
that is why they are so rich and
prosperous today" said Howard Row.
ton, department adjutant.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
T. u | T 0 R ! A / S
"GREATER THINGS THAN
THESE SHALL YE DO"

So said Jesus when the multitude
marveled at his miracles. And the
far-seeing eyes Of Jesus were il
lumined with the elamor of human
accomplishments which were to take
shape under the cropping hands of
science. The awe-inspiring miracles of
Jesus were no more marvellous in
his eyes than the painstaking devel-
opments which were to come thru
the restless seekings of thousands
yet unborn.
saw little Helen Scarborough
just back from Northeastern Hospital
the other night. Since birth Helen's
left eye has been drawn in with
a disfguring cast to her entire face.
Many time | had seen her on the
street and felt twinge of sympathy
for the quirk of Nature which dis
figured her otherwise pretty face.
But the Disagreement is all gone
now! Under the sldllful hands of
DR., R. c. Magill the delicate muscles
of her eye were cut and made over
as if by a miraclel The eye is
straipht-and her entire face seemed
beautifed by the result. | pay tri-
butte to DR.. Magill and the science
that has made his skillful work
manship possible.
And | can't help but believe that
the gentle Jesus saw such human
kindness in his minds eye when
he said, "Greater things than these
shall we dol"
And it isn't only the immediate ac-
complishment that removes the
blemish-it is the blessed truth that
with it there is removed the dis
appointment and resentment of a
life time. DIR. Magill not only remov-
ed the blemish from Helen's eye
he also removed the blemish from
her heart which would have soured
her with resentment had she been
made to carry it thru life.
There are so many marvels hap
pening before our eyes these days
marvels of science and human ac-
complishments-tha we are prone
to pass them over without proper
appreciation. But Test we forget,
this is said in appreciation.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

heights In tneir
profession by dint
of perseverance.
In Europe and
the East a chef
with the true
gastronomic in
stinct is treas-
ured jealousy,
He expects and
obtains the treat
ment OF an am
basss dor. II | g
dishes are the
pride of his
master, to be
boosted of to
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Beating Him to IL

81 observe remarked old Festus
cred a way of keeping tadpoles young
forever"
"Ah, yes" returned J. Fuller Gloom,
the chronic objector. mo doubt they
will go eternally roaring up and down
our streets In their fathers cars, each
tadp6le with leg hanging outside. -
Kansas City Star.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
INFOLONEL

A private once said to his colonel:
"Your names in this here Yellow
Jolonel.
For the sake of the Corps,
Let it happen no morps;
Just lay off this here life noe
tolonelW
Twas just at the hour of reveille.
The colonel rasped: What the
Deveillei"
"S'r, oft have folder
Pm no common soldier"
And he fined the poor private most
heveille.
Earl E. Radikin in Legion
Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Root of II All

Everywhere we are taught that life
is sacred" that liberty IL sacred"
that property is sacred"-but where
are we taught that happiness is sacred7
And yet II is only because of their re-
lation to happiness that these other
things have trace of sacredness-
James Mackaye.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
SMILIN' THU
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1926 by Gordon Cooper
"AIN'T 1T A SHAMEw

Doc Bloom was in happy frame
of mind. AS he puttered around a
gorgeous flower bed on Mercer Uni
versity campus in Macon, Ga, his
sonorous voice was raised in glad
some song:
Amt MT shame
Ter steal on sunday!
Amt MT shame!
a." ! M I" '''fl"'e
lei S'e"i vi 'u
Wneh yer eo' t'o'''"S'
wadaosd.u
nL,s-ada,,
I'D,
cat,,.Jou
~. -, 49,. ~. oh.o,u
Professor Mount approached across
the campus and turned toward Doc
when he heard his singing. you've
evidently got clear conscience this
morning, Doc" he called in greeting.
Doc turned with a broad grin on
face that was dripping with per-
SEPARATION. "Yassuh! A clear con-
shunce is de on'y thing All amt got
nothin' else but. All believes in dat
sayin' ter live ev'y day so dat yo'
kin look in de face OBJ any man an
tell i'm ter go ter de bad place. But
de sayin' uses a diffunt word fer
de bad place. But dat's a mighty
good sayin', an All thinks hit
oughta been in de Bible"
Professor Mounts face wore a ma
licious grin. "Well. | was talking
with q ladv only Yesterday who said
won ought to be ashamed of your
self If some of the things YOU say!o
10th. a.s ,o,,;xo. bic
e. 10y. '' - h.ndonra and
IL ~. "a - fa.o - ~ ,or,oood
h., g atontloa oxnross;on "wbarfo,
~. 1.1,, I'LL. Az oroh+a ho ,.b,r
10, AZ a;.,,. aa;a 9oth;n, Tow ho
-, -
one was referring 70 ''e re-
ports 'ha' hao come W "ei ANU
your monkey giahd STORY anu Inc
mistietoe episode ABOUT lhe Me'ho-
DIST preacher you toiu ABOUT
DOCS mouth dropped open TO
de Lawd! ne eXpostuiateo' ana SAT
down heavily on the eoge Oh MS
wheelbarrow when promptly Utica
over and deposited MN In an I'M
dlgnihed heap' But ne was so pre-
occupied that ne didnt seem 10
notice II. lie started hopping ms
lace thought1uily. NOW whut "uz
hit dat she dldnt ike ne asked
IN puzzled voice.
Professor Mount was plainly
amused, why she SAID they were
immoral stories, ana that as
preacher you ought not say such
things"
Here Doc bristied. well yo ask
dat lady ell she eber read de bipie!
An Ell she read de bipie she IL ma
wuss things dan An eber tells! ohe
better read bout King DAVID wen
g "uz gietih oiu an aey ie.cii u
purity young Weheh Ter Ter SUR I'M
up an make I'm take mo ihVrus' IN
me- tell er Ter READ ooue ae ffoie'
9erymiah whar tens pou' oe
s'ruc.ioh Cd 'erusiu'n' 'ei CT ier
Yer reau oe songs ooiei,''u" VIVA,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

TelephoRa pepp'e render more
sery ce for he money pad for that
serv ce than almost any other In
stitution in existence Some
times have occasj n to use long
distance forty a1i fifty times
day. The Telephone saves. It is a
method of economy that Is being
practiced increasingly all over this
country. We could not conduct
business today without the tele-
phone.-F'r0m an address Of Governor
Ben S. Pduien, Of Ransds.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
WHAT PRICE GLoRY?r

WHAT PRICE GLORYV
"What price glory?"
Ten dollars" was a Los Angeles
pawnbroker's answer John w. Lew
is, for thirty years soldier and a
veteran of three wars, had seven med
ais for bravery-but he didn't have
the price of doughnuts and coffee.
He went to a pawn shop. "They
gave me this for capturing 175
Spanish soldiers" he said unpin-
ming the first medal. "This is the
British D. S. C. | was with the
Princess Pat regiment. The French
gave me this Croix de Guerre after
| was gassed at Ypres."
The pawnbroker did some fast
calculating and opined $40 to be
fair price for the material evil
dence of heroic action in three wars.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
INK FROM OTHER
PRESSES
Humorous and Serious Topics
From Leading Editors
of the Country
TRY AND GET TT

A famous French astrologer says
that 1926 will be money year but
that everyone had to work hard to
get it. Goodness gracious, anyone
knows that! One does not need to
look at the stars to prophesy such
a thing. Experience has taught that
every year is money year to
hard workers-and hard savers.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
AN ExAsPERATING SITUATION


Mine operators and miners con-
tinue to wrangle, while those habit
uated to the use of hard coal figure
as helpless, exasperated subjects of
the monopolists of capital and of
the monopolists of labor. The, min
ers, under the influence of we'll paid
leaders, are prevented from going to
work at the old wage rate, pending
the formulation of new agree
ment as proposed by the operators.
The public reckon this proposition to
be fair one, and to this extent it
is in harmony with the operators.
The exasperating situation is dis
graceful reflection upon the i'm
potency of law in Pennsylvania with
relation to the regulation and con-
troll of an absolutely necessary pub
lie utility. In quaking fear of the
votes of miners and of the support
of mine owners and operators, law
makers supinely shirk their duty.
--Collegeville Independent.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Best Months for Savings

January and October are the ban
ner months for savings accounts. After
New Years money gifts received at
Christmas are put In savings funds
banks for summer vacations and in
October salaried people begin to save
for the holidays.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Misery Family az Paupers

After the death In the Southamp-
ton. England. workhouse of Philip
Remer. whose father and mother had
been buried as paupers, $1.86S In gold.
silver and securities was found hidden
in the home where the three had lived
together.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Looking Up

81 understand she's come into social
prominence" Goodness, yes-her
maid bought n-six.'-Judge.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
In,orined the Worst

"ANhy did the Browns separateP
"Nobody knows"
GLOW dreadful :"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

'srhis rose in my hat makes me look
ten years younger !"
Put three or four In J"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
SHORT SMILES
Thaf's All

Rub-what's the difference -
tween chat and chatter?
Dub-Oh, two or three women
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Enough

Wlnnie-What is your objection to
classical music?
Walter-I can't pronounce 1t.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Chinese Girl Wins Honor

A remarkable accomplishment Is re-
ported by public school of London,
Ont. where Pearl Wong. Chinese
girl. has just won first prize In the
oratory contest.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Her Names for Then,

New Student Ito the landlady)-
Landlady--Loafers and failures.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
The Shibboteth

Djner-"How about little service
here?" Waiter-"Phwat dye think
this is, the Rotary clubT
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
The Shining Execution

did any of your family ever make
a brilliant marriagep
"Only my wife"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Just Ahead

"What is the happiest day of ones
lIfe?"
Tomorrow. Boston Transcript.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
And Some Spoonine

Martin-"What makes the plot
thlc. en?" Marrlot-"A few stirring
scenes. Good Hardware.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Easy

"What is a four-letter word entirely
surrounded by waterT
"Fish ~
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
ODeu Ouesfion

Husbands are frequently jealous Of
their wives former beaux"
How about former husbands?"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14

$50 you and Dick are TO be mar
ried? l thought 1t was a mere fiirta-
ton" $50 did her'
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Exclaimed

Knit-What is cold boiled ham7
Knat-Oh, just ham boiled In cold
water
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-14
Khedive's Ex-Chef
Gives Cooking Tip

Great chefs are born, not made
Rarely II ever do they rise to the