New Britain herald., 1926-08-28

| pictures of the All-American team
would resemble the pier at Atlantic
City when they choose Miss Amer.
lea" And just to think of the num-
Der of amateur neckers that will be
straight-armed for a big lossl AS
Milt Gross and our own P. Z. L.
say, 'Dunt esk."
They tell us that the sesquicenten-
NAL is a flop, crtistically, architec-
turally and financially. The only
thing which can save it, we are told,
lis the Dempsey-Tunney boxing
match, and this looks as though it
might break up in a fight. If the
directors would only get hep to
themselves and pla>. Rudolph VAL
entino's body on exhibition there, the
attendance would break all records.
But as it is, things go not well with
the sesqui, and Philadelphians are
worried.
Yet there is a brighter side to the
dark cloud. The fair is proving to
be quite educational. For one thing,
it has taught us that "sesquicenten-
niaF means "150th anniversary"
Again, a sesquicentennial exposition
held at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
to celebrate the anniversary of the
Declaration of Independence must
improve the spelling of the general
public, especially with regard to
polysyllabic words. This makes such
oxpositions of great public benefit
There is no doubt of that. Let us
have more of them.
Now just what are the possibilities
for future sesquicentennials? The
anniversary of prohibition. When
this awesome occasion arrives, let us
hold a great worlds fair. The ideal
location would be the Arizona desert
or Death Valley. but any place ex-
cept Rye, N. Y, would do in a
pinch.
The grape juice bottle will be
adopted as a symbol and used on
all posters; perhaps someone will
even conceive the idea of making a
crack in the DO; le to render it like
the Liberty Bell. The newspapers
will print articles and pictures deal
ing with that dim past period when
the fight for freedom from liquor
was made. The Spirit of TO- will
find its counterpart in the Anti
Spirits of umpty-ump, a sternly
marching trio consisting of Andrew
Volstead, Lincoln c. Andrews, and
Pussyfoot Johnson. All the states
will send in exhibits, but the states
in the grain belt will be allowed to
exhibit their product only in the
form of corn flakes and other
breakfast foods. Foreign exhibits
suspected of being wet will be
barred on grounds of moral turpi-
tude. For purely historical purposes,
an ancient beer mug and a whlskey
key will be shown.
The spirit of the exposition VIII
sweep the country and parades Will
be held everywhere. People Will
proudly assert that they are descend
ed from revenue agents of the old
DAYS. Others will cringe because
their great -grandfathers were boot
loggers. Mnuments will be erected
along the. Canadian border and
flowers strewn the length of the IL
mile limit Some research worker
NAV even discover that Pussyfoot
Johnson had red hair and sWore
like a flapper. Everyone will be
Joyous land wonder how existence
was tolerable in the evil days OF
the liquor tryants.
1t will be a great occasion, TINS
sesquicentennial of prohibition. Inc
point which puzzles us, however, is
at what future date they will start
the $50 years.
Now fellows, gather round. This
concerns you and nobody else. We're
not trying to sell you anything ana
we have no get-rich-quick schemes
The matter up for discussion at this
time is:
What to give the girl, Familiarity
called the "One and Only on her
birthday, Christmas, Fourth of July
or Good Friday?
The question was asked for the
benefit of several readers who have
been in a quandary from time 10
time and who wan to settle the mat
ter for once and for all.
There's one favorite method en-
ployed by those who don't wish TO
look the matter squarely in the eye.
About two weeks before the ami
versary or holiday or whatever oc-
casions the giving Of a present, an
argument is cerafully planned and
then the young man, in some I'M
known manner making it seem as II
his lady friend had provoked the
entire squabble, departs IN a me
huff, returning after the dread day
is past. This manner is satisfactory,
but there should be no habit made
of it. OF course, mercenary reasons
often enter into the matter, too, but
we won't discuss them here. Need
less to say, the aforementioned
idea is the most popular.
Some young men Qon IKE 10 t'sh
the young lady point-blank what
she wants for her birthday. 1t rather
takes away the surprise element.
They'd rather guess than let her
know that they plan to give her
something, when all the time, If
they used their heads for something
besides hat rack and a parking
space for Slickum (advt.) they'd
know that she was expecting some
thing and if she didn't get it there
would be trouble. So these young
nit-wits trot out a lot of junk, for
which she can have no earthly use,
such as book-ends, umbrellas, when
she has two or three already and
doesn't carry one anyway because
she wears slicker, dressing table
sets consisting of those bee-you-tee-
full ivory combs, brushes, nail files
and such and such, and so on.
But there's a way of being sure
about what she wants without ask