davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

Way back in the dark ages before the war, Poor Butterfly" made naturalists of everybody. It was whistled and sung and played and it seemed strange to the people that the song so long endured. It finally died, they all debut the harm was done then and after the late note of Poor Butterfly" tiuttered into ob- livion, two others sprang up to take it's place. And when they died. two more for each of them--and so on.
 It is not the popular song in itself | that needs legislative action. Maud- lin as the words may be and sense- less the tune, they are not q thing to arouse 8 nation. Ii is the die hards, the long lingering songs thai constitute the curse. After a song has been played and sung awhile II becomes menace to the sanity Of the population at large. How many deaths were caused by suicides made frantic by the constant howl ing Of Yes, we have no bananas" will never be known. How many homes were broken up because Of the Prisoners Song" is another unrealized figure = statistics grow larger in that direction with the birth of every new long-liyinE bal lad
 Who can forget the headaches that were caused by lover There" when it was screeched into the ears of the people during the war? Who will ever forget the avalanche Of blues" that swept the country after the war? After the tumble Of them was cleared up into group Of those horrible "hits" who can fail to say that they suffered by them. Does any of the present generation forget the everlasting Memphis Blues" and the "Beaie Street Blues, and the Alcoholic Blues" and the "Limehouse Blues" Why they should have attracted the public to the extent they did can never be known, but suffice it to say that they did and they were heard from cereal in the morning to the pillow at night.
 Now we have the little hut by the rapids song and a maudlin vail which concerns somebody who has fallen asleep in a canoe-"Driftine and Dreaming" Both Of these may have been beautiful pieces when they started on their career, but now the first chords of either of them make most people cringe. Bye Bye Blackbird" bids fair to enter into the lists of public nuisances, and close behind it looms Girl Friend" that is still pretty but is developing fas into a menace
 Whether this article will start the wheels of justice moving or not re- mains to be seen-it can only be hoped that some good will come Of it. When it comes, if it does come. the nation might expect body Of soldiers under someone like Gen. Smedley Butler who will, with the aid of Springfield rifle, stop the people next door from grinding out Valencia" on their victrolas.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
AN ADDED TAX UPON
 THE PUBLIC

Taxing the public in various and nefarious ways has become one of the most efficient of modern accom- plishments, despite all we hear Of federal tax reduction.
 Nine times out of ten, when we read of a city being in first class financial condition it is largely be- cause the tax money has been col- lscted and no opportunities have been missed to slice the pounds or flesh from the quivering public.
 There is that s3 plumbing fee. for instance. It ought to bring in a neat sum to the city.
 The plumbers, of course, are add ing the fee to the cost of plumbing jobs, be they large or small. On q small job the fee might be more than the cost Of the job - provided anyone can imagine plumbing job costing as little as sS.
 The public can give the plumbers some good advice, There is only one inspector.
 This ridiculous plumbing fee should be changed at the first opportunity. If there must be fee, let it be a graduated one, such as obtains in Hartford, where small jobs call for very small fee and the large jobs larger fee.
 But even at best, the fee business is merely an mplification of the system of increasing taxes without creating a general hullabaloo.
 The fewer the fees that the public pays the better the public will like if
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
E. H. DAWSON

The long and honorable business career of Edward Henry Dayiosn in this city terminated only at his death at the advanced age of SC years, and with tho passing of this splendid representative of the city's industry and commerce another lie is cut with the achievements wrought by the past generation.
 His was life of rare commercial distinction. but he also lent to his sndssyors personality that left
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

distinctive flavor and fig so readily pronounced.
 The name seems to suggest mas sive grandeur. backbone, natures power And indeed in no other state are these terms more appro- priate. .... ....
 A traveller headed west passes through vast plain states until the eye is bewildered by the seemingly amending straight line of sky and the distant rim of earth. He is pass ing through the granary of the na- tion. and though the sight of mill lions of acres of towering grain has its thrill-and to many a thrill of monotony the real thrill is yet to come. That comes when the train or the automobile is about so miles from the rockies. George. the Pullman porter, or Hiram at the filling station, will tell the inquisi- tive eastern tourist that the cloudlike bulge in the distant west ern sky is Pike's Peak.
 And thus the traveller is intro duced 10 Colorado, which over most of it's surface is gigantic upright comb kissing the clouds, the backbone of the continent the great divide.
 This state, king of the American mountain commonwealths, Is cele- brating the semi-centennial of her admission to the Union. The occa- sion has been a fitting one to take stock of the unique features of Colorado and its colorful history. Colorado is as much of a play ground in the far west as New ; England is in the east, but of vastly different kind. People flock to it from a half dozen nearby" i states, intent upon enjoying it's great canyon rides, to gaze in awe upon it's. snow-bound peaks, to sight its glistening glaciers at close range. Or perhaps to "climb a mountain and be cured of the ambition when one-tenth the way up. Or again, to ride upon its rail- roads - for every railroad through the mountains is marveiously scenic line. with hair-pin curves. chasm bridges and intending and torturous climbing until heights of 10000 or more feet are reached by the rails and snow banks along the rights of way are met with in the middle of July.
 To this vast mountain region the nations homage is being paid this week, and it was one of the mar 'vels of our times that the President spoke to it's rugged people was listened to in their homes in city and perched on mountain side - from 2,o00 miles away.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Observation
 On The Weather

Washington, Aug. 7.-Forecas, for Southern New England: Show CTS and thunderstorms Saturday and Saturday night; cooler at night sn interior; Sunday fair.
 Forecast for Eastern New York; Thundershowers Saturday, cooler at night, Sunday fair.
 Conditions: The tropical disturb ance which is of hurricane intensity, passed on to a north-northeast course slightly west of Bermuda to- day. Pressure is high over the Canadian maritime provinces. and over the plains states and western Ontario.
 The outlook is for showers on Saturday in the Atlantic states. Elsewhere the weather will be fair Saturday and Sunday. It will be cooler Saturday night or Sunday in north Atlantic states.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
THE GRADUATE

THE GRADUATE
 By George s. ChappeIl The Graduate, he was of late A splendid sight to view, He worked a bit and smirked a bit As Seniors always do. When Class Day came he lit the
 flame
 or half the hearts in town. a As, proud of mien, he paced the
 green
 Tn nifty cap and gown. Beneath the trees he sang his glees And smoked his briar pipe, He was, in truth, dapper youth And life was full and ripe. How soon, alas, such glories pass, The Grad, Oh where is he? For weary weeks a job he seeks And humble is his fee. The other clerks with whom he
 works
 They lord it over him. And all his schemes and college
 dreams
 Are overcast and dim. In fact he's found that in life's
 round
 The Grad is but phase, And for his sins he now begins Once more his Freshman days,
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Advisory Board Will
 Aid Polish President

Warsaw, Aug. P-In view Of the fact that the diet has invested the president of the republic with legislative power, the cabinet has de- cided to establish an advisory board to cooperate with him in issuing presidential decrees.
 The board will be composed Of prominent lawyers. who will ar range. the decrees to conform with the constitution and existing laws, Permanent members of the board will be appointed by President Mos cicki, while the temporary members will be named by the minister Of justice.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

News that the Roosevelt school will be finished in time for it's use at the opening of the fall school term will be gratifying to the east ern section of the city, and much credit is due the contractor for his efforts to push the work ahead.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

it's mark upon all privileged to meet him during long kfe.
 It was such men as Mir. Davison who were the factors which built up New Britains industrial and commercial importance.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
KRAHY KINDERGARTEN lCond,Irfed by DustYl

Fletcher: Hans, did you get sea- sick in the vessel wen you came over from Germinny?" Hans Upp; NO, only in the stum- mick"
 Teetcher: The class is waiting for coffee. Hans Upp; My daddy acts quite silly about us
 childerns helth- He always takes our temperature
 before he lets us play, And feels our little pulses before
 and after meels,
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
BINGHAM AND WHOM HE REPRESENTS

Senator Bingham, who voted against the resolution to investigate primary campaign contributions, doubtless did so under the states rights principle that 1t was not the business of any federal body to be interested in how much is paid within a state to gain senatorial nomination.
 The Connecticut senator has made a number of speeches about states rights; in truth, he wants the public to understand clearly that it is great issue.
 The issue involving the expendi- ture of several millions Of dollars in state primary apparently is not so great. Anyway, as the senator has succinctly explained, it could not happen in Connecticut.
 From all Of which one can gather the senator will not vote to prevent MT. Ware from taking his seat in the Senate; nor will he vote against Mir. Smith of Illinois, if he is elected.
 If it is a business primarily of the states as to how they nominate and elect their senatorial timber, as Mir. Bingham vii readily concede, then one cannot expect him to change his view when it is a ques- tion of permitting or denying the right of senatorial seats to the beneficiaries of money primaries. Senator Bingham delights to de- precate the direct primary system. Nothing else could be anticipated on his part. He is part of the Connecti- cut system which depends upon controlled conventions: and when all is added, the successful candi- dates are good as controlled by the will. desires and policies of the controlling bosses.
 Why should the senator harbor any other ideas than wrath at the fallacious direct primary system? :? He himself was product of the other system. Does anyone suppose he would have been projected into the senate from 24-hour govern orship in any other way? That was the Connecticut system at its best. Had the gentleman been forced to seek a nomination through a primary 1t might have taken 24 years,
 That is not saying, of course, that Senator Bingham is not good" senator. according to the general acceptance of the word in politics. He has been a good fellow in the 
 eyes of the organization, has repre- scented it's ideas of good government, is willing to stay good in the future, and when the convention gets down to business. will get a good old fashioned majority in the good old-fashioned way on the first ballot.
 Mir. Bingham is eminently human; he played for power with the boys who had 1t to distribute. He knew on which side his bread was buttered and his memory isn't going back on him by the time the next political meal is due.
 When he talks, he tells the boys what they like 10 hear; what they expect to hear from their senator. He speaks good old-fashioned grand old party doctrine from start to finish, from introduction to peror- ation.
 J. Henry Roraback is woll satis- fled with the junior senator. That's all that Is necessary.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

We Will Now Turn to Chapter ts-
 Howard: "I swear you look younger every year."
 Mrs, Howard: Just contrast. that's all. This hat is so cid that I look young in comparison to it."
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
FIFTY YEARS A PART
OF THE INIoN

There is something strong and invigorating about the name of Colorado. Of all the Indian names that have been utilized in the nam- ing of our states, scarcely any - save perhaps Oregon - has such
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
E. E. Baldwin Joins
 Hole in One Club

r. E. Baldwin, of the Shuttle Meadow club has joined the ranks of golf immortaIs by making coveted hole in one" He was play ing in foursome with W, H. Booth, NJ. S. Hart and R. W. Chamberlain yesterday afternoon On the fifteenth hole, lover the hill and down) 215 yards. he dNove and found the ball in the cup.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
IN KLASS AT KRAZY KOLLEGE
 Couducted by Maxine)

Teacher: Miss Place, what's that noise are you playing with marbles at your age?"
 Annie Place: NO, just cracking my knuckles."
 Teacher: "Then crack thought on the word coma Annie Place: Modern science saves labor And benefits us all-- Since bobbing was invented I don't comma hair at all."
 Marian Baer
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Our Tip to Tourists.

Cur Tip to Tourists, Delightful Meals!' But Folks. nre-
 pare To find when once you're settled
 there It's NOT to YOU that phrase ap-
 plies. But to mosquitoes and to fliesl
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Facts sandFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

No farm relief can equal the in. spring notes of the dinner bell.
 When the saloons went out the umbrella with the crooked handle lost It's special utility.
 An optimist is man who thinks he can persuade pessimist to change his mind. Happily the owner of the car never meets the mortgage when he is out driving for pleasure.
 It isn't true that Americans got nothing out of the World war. They got police dog, X vacation is a simple matter of quitting for a period what you are doing regularly, provided you're not loafer.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
At the Bragfest

At the Bragfest Woods:' Last week I visited a chicken-farm and saw an egg with two yolks. Wagner: That's nothing, Some weeks ago I was standing on the banks of river watching college boat-race and saw eight nuts in one shell!"
 Richard Gillian. Copyright, 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Member Audit Bureau of Circulation.

MtnutF auUIt bHftHU UT tTTCHfHN'"tis The A. B. c. is national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver- ttaers with a strictly honest analysis Of circulation. Our circulation statistics are based upon this audit. This insures protection against fraud in newspaper distribution figuree to both national and loc&l advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Explained

What are you doing now?" I'm a street-car conductor What does the job pay?' "Seventy-five dollars a week" "I didn't think the Company paid anybody over thirty" They don't. I'm speaking about he job, not the Company"
 -Beniamin Brophy.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
TELEPHONE CALLS Business Offics .... BPS Editorial Rooms .... e2s

The only profitable advertising medium the City. Circulation books and press room always open to advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

The difficulty science has en- countered in trying to stabilize the fireflys light is that the firefly goes out.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
UH1S. s LILY Fun chOb
 a ss
 MAxsoH hxHsfx yLnHx
M4xsoH hxHsfx ytnnx

Send all comnunicatimis to Fun Shop Editor, care or the New Britain Herald. and your letter will he forwarded to kcw Yors.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

If short skirts remain in style another year legs will get over their selfconsciousness
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

And wen we sneeze or coffee calls the doctor rite away"
 Eleanor Shepard.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

The newspaper business, particu- lariy that part Of it which has to do with the editorial end, has a pe- culiar fascination for many people, many of whom credit newspapermen with a sense not possessed by hu- manity generally, some strange pre- science which bares the secrets of nations and individuals even before some of them are known to thise in volyed. Questions are asked of edi- tors which are far more difficult to answer than those which the young CT son whose awakening brain causes many queer ideas to fit across his mind. We are supposed to know it all. A reader, identity un- known, calls up the Herald and asks what the weather is to be the next day. Fair enough, the Associated Press carries into our office the lat est forecasts of government wealth CT bureaus. Another wants to know if the Army balloon" is going over the city and at what time. It may be, but We have not heard anything about it, consequently We judge it isn't The A. P. would let us know if it were, surely.
 And the serious minded indi- vidual who asks perfectly ludicrous questions, failing to see the humor in them. One of them called up one day. in great excitement Evidently there had been a family argument Say" he said tand we can imagine an interested group of listeners to the conversation sitting about the room in which the phone was locat ed) How long ago did Christopher Columbus discover America That was easy.
 Columbus discovered America in 1892" we allowed,
 "Yea, but how long ago was that?" came back the questioner, who must have been a poor mathe- matician or was anxious to cover up his lack of information.
 We asked him to consult a school child of the family regarding the rules of substraction and let us alone to ponder upon more weighty things.
 And the stock story of the young sheik who asked over the phone:
 Can you tell me what makes 8 girl close her eyes when you kiss herr" (This one was evidently 8 student of psychology.
 Send in your photograph" was the answer from a ubiquitous switch board operator. Maybe we can tell from that"
 And the poets - oh the poets - they bloom everywhere and usually hope to hide their identity under a nom de plume in their effusions submitted for publication, free of charge. ~
 One of them. Augustus" submit ted a poem entitled Why Do l Live" through the agency of the postoffice.
 'fYou live. Augustus, because you sent your poem in by mail and didn't appear in person"
 And so it goes, there is world of humor and an ocean of humanity in the newspaper game. Maybe the public realizes it, wherein is it's at- traction.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

< The Herald Is on sale daily in New York st Hotalings Newsstand Times equare; Schultz's Newsstands. Entrance Grand Central. 42nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

Congress, seeking new laws to pass, should stop awhile and con- sider the feasibility of a national singing law. An anti-singing act, if 1t were passed, would bring great relief to every man and woman who is at present suffering under the ceaselass squallings to the effect that Tn a cottage small by a Wat-er- fall'' somebody or other would, be pricelessly content and wouldn't worry over the high price of gov- ernorships in Pennsylvania and oth- CT states
 The insidious menace of the pop ular sorg has worked it's way to point where it becomes a scourge and a plague to the population at large. Out of the 75,00O more or less inhabitants of this city, more than half of them have recovered from the Prisoners Song" in time to fall victim to the little house and water fall curse. Ukuleles pound it out, victrolas grow dizzy with the cease less revolving of the record and amateur kazoo artists have stripped the song of it's claim to harmony. Gradually the song is dying, but the horror of the situation is that there will be another and probably worse piece to take its place. The kazoo artist is searching feyerishly for an- other song to blare-ths victrola will not stop with the death of this one ballad-the ukulele will not be thrown aside when this song dies there will always be another one, and another one and another one until the nation as a whole is firmly led into nice cozy padded cells tion that she's crazy over horses, horses, horses"
 That is, the curse will continue unless the authorities at Washing ton stop investigating Insults budget long enough to make it q crime, punishable by long imprison- ment or even death, to sing, whistle or play or attempt to play on any musical or semi-musical instrument, any song that has been in existence for two or more months or any song with the words: nanny sweetie, baby, or papa therein.
 The thing must be stopped some how-by martial law If all other methods fail. The menace is of too long standing to be easily quelled.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

Man wants but little here below, provided he is permitted to give his definition of little"
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
Memher nt the As.oclnted rre,s.

Member of the Associated Press. The Associated Press Is exclusively en- titled to the use for republication of all news credited to 1t or not otherwise credited ,n this paper and also local news published therein.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

The world of motoring is perhaps the most inconsiderate of which we have any knowledge. Everything from the car to the traffic cop and back again to the road map seems to be all wrong and in conspiracy against the driver. At least, we have that impression. We may be wrong. but we won't believe it until We have had satisfactory an swers to the following questions:
 Why does every traffic cop leer- ingly fillip his sign from ''go'' to "stop" just as we attempt to pass?
 Why does the car work to per
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07
ONE MANS NEAT pv Ronald Bru1erhofISPn

Baseball Player - Heard you saw a baseball game the other day, Mike. How was it?
 Prize Fighter - Pretty good. The Sox knocked out the Bears in the ninth round. but the refereeing was rotten. The batter in the ninth round missed left hook to the ball, then uppercut it out to left field, where it was clinched. The next batter landed 8 stiff bat to the ball for the count of three and then the next man pulled a K. o. over the fence - some game if the referee hadn't been so rotten. Say l heard you saw a prizefight last night. How was 1t?
 Baseball Player - So, so. One of the fighters knocked the other one out of the box in the sixth inning. First. he famed, the other man held out his jaw but he couldn't seem to hit his fast one. Then the first play CT threw a slow curve with his glove, cutting a corner of the jaw. Then the umps chased them both to the shower.
 Prize Fighter (To HimselG = The crazy nut!
 Baseball Player (To HimselD - Just plain dumb, that's all!
 Proper Person
 Passenger: Are you the train caller?"
 Train Caller: "Yes."
 Passenger: "Please call my train back. I just missed it.'
 Karl C. Fera.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

It's the pursuit of happiness that makes people happy.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

Few things in later life seem so burdensome as barefoot boys task of washing his feet at night.
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

Young men are pretty sensible. Having had their hair shined, why wear a hat?
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

READ HERALD { .ASSiFIED ADs
 FOR BEST RESULTS
New Britain herald., 1926-08-07

Eleven city officials arc off on their vacations at the same time, but it's lucky they're not traffic cops.