New Britain herald., 1926-09-22
The Future?

bll AilSotb 4IlGidC 4IoPpS py ny llicLIlSit and four years of blankness, made blank by her tragic death. Murder...
 The future?
 I shrug my shoulders because I do not know. l am, alas, serious minded girl with definite ideals of work. l want to work, of course. And I want to be happy-of course. But just what I shall work at. and how I shall find happiness, l am far from knowing.
 After mothers death, I went on with high school, as she wanted me to. and was graduated three years ago. My plan at first was to be a teacher, but when all this tragedy happened. and We lived in such con- fusion and anxiety I gave that up. I had to earn something and got a clerical position in an office.
 Until very recently l was comp tometer operator with a motor sales company in New Brunswick. I am not stenographer, have never car cd for that work. When this case that people call so glibly, the Hall Mills murder mystery" was reopen cd in July, I had to be at the hear ings in Someryille very often and was obliged to resign my position.
 After a million or so questions that have been asked me is whether I have lost my ideals of love and marriage?
 Lost them! I don't know that I ever really had any. I have an ideal of a man as I suppose every girl has. But marriage has never seemed more than a vague possibility to me. think I have always been afraid of it--afraid of disappointment and disillusion. But I suppose if l met man who seemed to come some where near my ideal. and he cared for me, I would never think about disappointment and disillusion any more than most people do when | they marry. My ideal man is man with a profession.
 | I like men who are considerably older than myself; I hardly know why unless it is that boys of 22 or 1 30 seem frivilous and lacking in un derstanding.
 shall never forget a fellow went with once to a motion picture. It was a picture I had looked for ward to literally for months and l simply lost myself in it. l forgot where I was. I wasn't Charlotte i Mills at all: I was the girl on that screen, feeling what she felt, do- ] ing what she did.
 | It was an emotional play and well
 acted. I guess 1 was crying a little. Anyhow. l was absorbed. Suddenly
 my escort, looking at me out of the
 tail of his eye, passed me his hand kerchief with a grin and the remark
 that l seemed to need a big one and
 he hoped l was enjoying my weeps,
 etc., etc.
 I came out of my dream like a
 shot and couldn't put the joy back
 again. The play was spoiled for me, and my disappointment and disil-
 fusion" kept me from saying hardly
 a word the whole evening.
 That is what I mean by most young fellows not understanding you or your mood or your feeling about things An older man would have respected how I felt whether he felt the same way or not-oh, we'll
 Perhaps I expect too much. Any ! how l am going to take life as IL comes and enjoy what l can while l i can. Many q time mother would say ! to me: "The only reason l want to Hive a little longer is to live a little! | I never did live, not what you would ICaU life. Muggs. The church is all l I've had. Life is so uncertain and we must find happiness when we can."
 Mother found happiness in her l love for NIr. Hall. I took their love | for granted, sensing that whatever
 Mother did was right and decent
 and in tho end would harm mo-
 body. I shall always feel that way, | though I know I shall be criticized and blamed for 1t,
 A moderate amount of comfort
 appeals to me. I have always longed for nice things and appreciated them. I hate living in a sordid way. 1 Since Mothers death, our home has gone to wrack and ruin. She used
 to work al it necessarily. making re-
 pairs herself, cleaning, painting, papering and making a lot out or nothing. I haven't even bedroom l of my own now. Mother and l used i 10 share one on the top floor, but ] the ceiling has fallen down and l sleep on a davenpart in the living 1 room with not even bedroom ! suite of my own.
 Always l had the idea of going
 away and taking my brother Dan 1 with me and sticking close to him for Mothers sake. But since her death, Father has adopted" Dan ] completely and made him see things 1 as he does. When Dan was small, he
 was like Mother, with a warm, en- i thusiastic nature and lots of ambi- ] tion. l wonder what Dams going to ] be now, without Mother. Alter tue llIsI lhNcHtASN'i'h VI ! this "Halls-Mills case" the usual 1 offer was made me to go on the ! stage. All they wanted was to dress
 me up and parade me around 10 be stared at as Charlotte Mills daughter of"-otc., etc. Of course l turned 1t down flat.
 Most girls at some time or other
 get a hankering for the stage. l
 was no exception. I used to act in
 school and church plays and work
 ed up quite an opinion of myself! But I realize that to get beyond the