davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

which led down into his dreary abode,
sucking tea, muttering to himself lin
French, which he had learned while
summering in Alaska as a relief from
the severe Siberian Winter climate).
and cursing the fate that kept him
ground into the dust, which, when it
wasn't dust, was mud.
As the years went by. the bootstraps
grew weaker and weaker, and still
Ivor had not been able to elevate him
self In the world by so much as "A
single step up the rickety flight which
led upward and outward toward the
sunlight and sleighbells.
His boots themselves had become
SO feeble from the constant strain OF
the pulling straps, that now the
leather gave forth only a weak,
squeaking sound when Ivor tugged,
a sound that reminded him of young
wolves seeking nourishment in the
dark forests of Pineville. which had
been his home, long ago before he
had accidentally fallen, through a
manhole, into this strange sort Of life
from which there was no escape
X i
PRESENTLY Katinka came and sat
beside him on the lowest step.
Where she had come from after all
these years he did not know. A
lightweight silence fell upon him.
Then medium weight silence.
Then. while she still sat and sat still.
a heavy silence fell SO heavy that il
crashed around his ears. SO he re-
manned silent, for about a week and
a half. Finally katinka got UP, slow
ly. and fetched the meat-axe from
behind the stove of delicate porcelain.
With this she broke the long silence.
why do you sit here in silence
and the cellar. Ivor?" she asked.
1T is my fate"' The words were
not spoken. he was beyond that: the
convulsive twitching Of the left eye
brow. But Katinka, being almost a
woman by now. understood, all too
plainly. She gave, or rather loaned
a shrek, sharper than the meat axe
which she twirled nervously among
her delicate fingers.
1T is not fate, it is those boots"
she said stolidly. They are sunk
deep in the mud of this underworld"'
1T has ever been so with our peo-
pie" Ivor managed to masticate the
words at last. The case Is hopeless"
Mo- said she, in that deep, gut
tering voice of hers. why not re
move the boots, let them remain In
the muck. and climb the steps in
stockinged-feet, il that is necessary"
He scowled.
MY mother. my little mother,
would never give her sanction" he
said. And yet, it is possible that she
will never know. although It will be
three years come Michaelmas since
she took her life-extension course!
Come, let us be brave He withdrew
his feet with a swift gesture
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
When It's Case of Getting Things Done,
Which Nation Has Dictator to Rule?

on Congress makes man a dictator. !"
says L.
Remember. Teller" comes back Fin
negan, 1.-The President of the United
States also appoints the judges of the
Supreme Court, and is also com.
| mander in chief of the Army and
Navy. Do you know any other coun.
try where one man has all of those
strings in his hands? In Italy even
Mussolini would still have to 20 to the
King to get some things done. The
United States Is the only country
that has a real dictator"
.. 1T don't seem like he's a dictator"
1 remarks.
That's so for two reasons" ex.
plains High Dome I'm the first
place, we've never sent anybody to the
White House who's gone cuckoo. All
of our Presidents, no matter what
mistakes they've made. have been de-
cent, brainy men, with no idea of get
ting rich at the job or turning it over
to their children In the second
place, not one person out of a hun.
dred in the United States knows any
thing about the Government or the
way it's run. AS long as nobody
swipes his property and interferes
with his coupon clipping, the average
American don't give a boot what goes
on at Washington. He doesn't know
whether there's a dictator there or
not, and doesn't care any more than
do about the price of saucepans in
Peru. Do you realize what Presi.
dent Of the United States could do If
he decided to be real rough?"
"Have a cabaret and a Charleston
contest on the White House lawn?" l
suggests.
"He could call out the Army and
Navy" says Finnegan, land start a
war tomorrow with Mexico or Canada
let's say"
without asking Congress?" ]
wants to know. You're crazy"
ut takes Congress to declare war
admits High Dome" "but Congress
| hasn't anything to do with starting
one. Under the Constitution the Presi
dent is the boss of the Army and
Navy. and not Congress. If he should
order the Army to jump over the
Canadian line and lombard Toronto
| they'd have to do it. That'd start q
war, wouldn't it?'
1.-THE Army wouldn't obeyv' says I
eff they didn't" returns High
Dome," they'd be guilty of mutiny
However, don't worry. The President
amt gonna start no wars. | just men
| toned that example to show you how
| much power there was in the White
| House. The King of England couldn't
start a war. The President of France
| couldn't. Neither could the Prime
Ministers Of those places"
sThe guys that framed tia CoostitA
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

Count Ten, or. as his fellow Jail
birds Of gay Siberian days loved to
call him, Rumpleupski, was born on
the date of his birth in a big storm
near LipStick. in Northern Cremona.
His mother was present at the time,
and remarked, when they told her
that had il been twins one would
have been boy 'Popovar pavlova.
page Tichicowski,' meaning in her ma
tive calf's tongue. THE boy will never
be d maker of holes in Swiss cheese"
This remarkable prediction came
true, for 17l2 years later, during his
imprisonment at Vodka on the charge
account of the Emperor, because of his
publication of the now famous Il
WON'T pamphlet, Rumpleupski was
employed, while thus inCarCerated.
not as d cheese puncher, but in the
manufacturing and discarding of loose
woven buttouholes such as the peas
antry neglected to wear. These but
tunholeS first came into evidence in
Russia, as the reader will doubtfully
remember, as protest against the APP
pointmentS with the dentists and the
consequent migration of much native
caviar to the swell hotels of the world
n UMPLEUPSkI was largely re-
SponSible for many important
movements in Russia, having a NOV
ing-van business of his own in Mud
der and. later. in Wetter. In fact
he was. considerably in the van, no
matter fwhat Ivan Cuspidor, in his
confessions" says to the contrary.
So here We have one of the least
known of Russia : most famous au-
thors dying practically alone, desert
ed even by his enemies, and left to
turn his frozen face toward his favor
tie ice box, the only thing left him
at the last. From this the accompany
ing INNS. was gathered, handled with
tongs after his death. But, as he him
self would have put it, 'Ischkabibble"
meaning Bull"
Here | give pause and SO did Geo.
Very striking, he says. 1t hits me
hard, knocks me for a goal. in fact
VIII that do for tonight, or do we get
it over with? Well, l says, let's see
how the story goes. Here we are
It's called Sour Blood, or the Lost
Yeast Cake"
Well, this book wasn't exactly what
a person might call CHEEKY, even from
the start, which run. or rather crawled
off, about TO the following effect:
Ivor lived In a damp and filthy
cellar on a "Sinkovich" in Moscow
rTranslator's Note: Sinkovich.
sort Of back alleyD Despite his utter
most efforts to pull himself out of
this condition. he could not seem to
do so, although his bootstraps were
almost worn out from the tremendous
efforts which he had made to pull
himself up by them. He would sit by
the hour amidst the muck of the
lowest step of the Wretched stairs
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

Don't be so simple" snaps Finne
gan. ANY President with brains can
make Congress do anything he wants.
He
He can't send 'em to Jail or kick
em out Of their jobs, can he?" ! asks.
Maybe not" replies High Dome"
"but there's more ways of strangling
goat than by choking him to death
with hors d'oeuvres. All the Presi-
dents got to do is club 'em into line"
Club 'em?" I exclaims. What
WITH"
Patronage" says Finnegan. 1.-The
way politics is run around here a Con-
gresham is got to show a few new
post offices and some jobs in his dis
trict if he wants to he elected again,
don't he?"
Yes l admits.
We'll" goes on High Dome" 1.-The
President passes out the jobs, and he
also has a dog named Veto he turns
loose On you every time you refuse to
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

And SO singing mi ntchi nitchi
| MR. tTran slators note: The Famous
Vulgar Boatman SongD they climbed
slowly into the light, leaving the boots
| behind forever. Forever? But not
| quite, for to lvor's left thumb-he was
| given to leftS-clung a shred of the
familiar bootstrap, deeply imbedded in
| the flesh.
THE END
NELL, says Geo, when | had got
w this far, that certainly Is strong
story, Hot Bozo, | says. say George
| Jules, do you mean To tell me you
understand what II is all about? |
certainly do, he says indignant. what
makes you think | am So dumb, OF
course I got 1t. for the luvva tripe,
Then explain it to me. I says, III
bite, where's the hook. there must
be one in it someplacer Geo. give me
plying look but no explanation.
Say. he says, what's the use OF me
explaining that book 10 YOU when you
don't understand it on your own? II
you had intelligence enough to get II
at ALL YOU would OF done so while
reading tit : too deep for you, that :
all, too full of symbolism, Yeh,
| says. with the accent on the bul.
But Geo. wouldn't admit it was all
as clear rs mud to him. He went
to bed in a huff, and | went into a
Ia, ha,
Wen, the next day when | went
down to the village shopping, what
would 7 see in the store where they
sell sChoolbooks, pencils. candy and
etc. only 4 bunch OF comic valen-
tines. and of all things there was one
OF man with eyeglasses. the same
as George, and nice eyebrows but
funny feet, big book propped open
on his weak knees, and a verse that
was a perfect scream.
You think you're hishbrow and know
Well you ought to know something. you're
nothing on looks
And ID though ouch you talk Latin and make a
You are cracked in the head from the front
Well. il was SO comical. and so
appropriate for Geo, that / couldn't
help but send 1t to him. honest,
think them comics are only bad taste
when they amt appropriate or any,
thing, see, and this certainly was.
SO the next morning Geo. got 1t.
| md instead of laughing ii off. like 1
had expected from what he had said.
why he was as sore as a pup, so
merely says why no. / can't imagine
dear, who sent It. I hadder do this,
see, especially as Geo. had sent me
the loveliest card with ITO my only
Valentine, Ny Darling Wife" on il.
/ was tickled to death with 1t, too,
| until l remembered what he had said
about sending only comics, and then
/ commenced to wonder. After all,
| mems sense of humor is very queer,
especially husbands
Copyright. 1926
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
BY SAM HELLMAN.

kfX THAT'S all this hollering g
~ W Mussolini?" / asks
High Dome Finne-
Who's hollering?" he comes back.
Il see," says l, where they're hold
ing meetings over here. bawling the
spaghetti out of him for running the
country all by himself. humping off
every bobo that won't play ball with
him and shutting up all the news
papers that don't give three cheers
every time he opens his trap"
"Well,'' remarks High Dome"
they seem to be satisfied with him in
Italy"
"How do you know they are?' l de-
mands. Il understand that
Hes on the job. amt hep" cuts in
Finnegan. ''Of course. there are a lot
of blokes that are raising HEX with
him, but amt the outs in every
country always trying to hang the
razberry on the ins'?''
From what I hears down in Tony
Bugoni's chianti dump" says l, Mus
solini's just putting the country on the
bum"
"Maybe he is returns High
Dome,' but the fact remains that
they amt hardly anybody out of work
in Italy, and they're coming back
from the war faster than any other
country in Europe. How do you laugh
that OFF,"
This amt my laugh day" | re-
minds him, but I thought we went to
war to make the world safe for de-
mocracy."
s'What of it," demands Finnegan.
what kind of democracy do you
call it, l asks, when a BIN takes
hold of country, gives Congress the
snow and ice and sends everybody
that criticiZes him to Jail or the here
after"
"A good one, I'd say" returns
High Dome" According to my
ideas, the only way TO run country
is to have a DICTATOR
whats the NATTER l asks, sarcas-
tic. with the way this country is
'Not a thing" says Finnegan,
prompt. land it's because we got
dictator"
'sPresident Coolidge a dictator" I
axclaims.
Coolidge or another President"
comes back High Dome" There
never was a dictator like the United
States rugged up for itself in the Con
stitution, and that's why we get along
SO grand.
"How do you figure the President
runs things all by himSelf?" In,
quires, puzzled What about Con-
gress? What about the courts7"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

The half ended an hour later with
the train in the engineers possession
a mile outside the yards.
During the intermission the train
conductor come forward and give the
boys a terrible baW1ing out.
What do you think this is the
Century," he said. you've been 60
ing too fast and half the passengers
is still asleep. Jerk 'em out of their
births and make some noise. Use
your whistle and make them steam
pipes pound! Back up a couple Of
times, If l didn't have a date in st.
Petersburg next Thursday I'd make
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

drunk. That's the reason. He sees
twice as many people as you do.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I am s years
old and am in the fourth grade in
school. I have to write a story about
a Southern planter" What does
the teacher mean by a Southern
planter? Yours truly,
I. PUPIL.
Answer: A Southern planter" my
child, is an undertaken who operates
only in the South.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: / have a new
servant. She has been with me a
week and the dust is SO thick on the
piano I wrote my name in the dust
with my finger and showed it to her.
She looked at it and said: You're for
tunate TO be able TO write so nice"
What can | do?
Sincerely,
MISS TRESS.
Answer next week.
THE PERFECT FOOSA
(Cooyright. 1880
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

the hammer and broke the rock with
the first blow. What is the present
generation coming to?
Sincerely,
AMASSA STONE.
Answer: 1t was easy for you to
break it after your son made it soft
for you.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: A friend of mine
told me he knew married woman SO
years Of age who sleeps in the same
room with cats. Do you believe this?
Truly yours,
x. ACKTING.
Answer: Sure I believe it. Your
friend probably Is referring to Mrs.
katZ.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: There is a man
living next door TO me who drinks
heavily and is nearly always drunk.
l don't drink at all, yet l have only
one-half the friends he has. How do
you account for that?
Yours truly,
T. ToTALER.
Answerl You say he is always
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

play in his back yard. The President
maybe can't put a Congressman in
Jail for bucking against the traces,
but he can send him up Salt River by
turning down his thumbs ON every
thing he wants for his constituents. -
What's Salt River?" inquiries.
1.-THE place where lame ducks 60"
explains Ffnnegan, when they die
politically. If you can remember as
far back as Roosevelt you'll recall
that he got what he wanted. There
was a dictator for you"
Perhaps" l agrees. but Coolidge
isn't the same kind of a go-getter."
"No?" returns High Dome"
"You're wrong. He don't make as
much noise about it as Teddy did, but
he gets what he wants just the same.
You notice he hasn't been turned
down on anything that he really
wanted"
T don't SEQ where having tndnenca
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

you back way to the station and
start out again right"
In another two hours the train had
left Jacksonville a good ten miles
behind and was racing on like d
pushcart with stop every few hun
dred yards to give Bill u chance to
catch up with his correspondence or
Jesse, the fireman, an opportunity
to study some queerly shaped tree
Jesse was fascinated by queerly
shaped trees. 1t was part of his
charm. But he kept his mind suffi-
GENTLY on the business at hand to see
that Bill did not weaken. For ex-
ample a stop was made alongside of
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

ton must have been asleep" I sug.
gests, when they let the President
have that much power
'"They never were more awake
saws Finnegan. "They knew that the
country would never get anywhere II
they had about IL political parties
squabbling all the time like they do in
France. So they fixed it kind OF
under cover that the President would
really be a dictator with bunch of
aristocrats in the Senate to help his
game along"
"Why is it," | asks. that people
object to dictators If they're so good
for emu
For the same reason" says High
Dome that they don't like powder
mills near their homes. There's nc
telling when they'll explode and mess
I'D the eceneTXe
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
of the Season and Live Topics From Florida and Italy
Investigator Finds Really Nothing Left
But the Dog Tax to Support Government

pirate. Our feeling is that a gentle
man wearing one of our new worsteds
under one of our brotherhood light
overcoats (Mr. Fephson. please show
the brotherhood light overcoating) is
really doing a social service.
I'm short, sir. we feel that the
proper tax policy would be to re-
move the duty off all apparel alto
gether (anything in an extra pant
week after next? If we can, sir: we
are greatly rushed at present with
our new brotherhood orders Good
morning. sir"
WHY TAX OUR LITTLE
BIT OF FUN7
A distinct contribution to the tax
discussion was offered TO an inter
viewer last week by Nine. PavaIu-
cini, the celebrated coutralto.
Il would not want to Creetecize "
gouvermen'. nh. non, That would
be what YOU call a skonk treeCk,
heinz Mme. Pavalucini comes from
Missouri and dsreS not talk any other
kind OF English than this while on
tour with any strangers listeningb.
But, | ask myself, ees II not Just 4
leetle wrong to discourage and tax
re poor artistes so soon after the war
time?
I'VE are doing our host 70 make
people happy, helm? We seeing, we
recite' ] seenG 50 many beautiful.
sings about love and youth and past
sion and Spring and keeases. hns
the men arc carried off their feas.
They rise.
II used to see them In my patrIS
otto concerts where I accepted uotIp-
ing but my expenses and my fee arg
gave all that was beyond u the war.
Why, one night, one arose right TN
the front rank-the fauteuils dor
chestra-I do not know how YOU call
them in English. Let me out Of zis,'
he scream, me for the war! Me for
the trenches.' Was il not magntfique
what you call splendeede, helm?
And now, only eight year after re
gouvermen' come and tell me ] must
pay zem $4,000. when ] make only
$50, 900 for ne season at re opera
Anozzer skonk treeck. helm"
From all this evidence the tax
problem, when you begin 10 look At
II, gets harder instead of easier.
There's no doubt that the income tax
has got to go; it's worn out. And
any sales tax Is held 10 be an utter
mistake. killing business. ANY tax
on capital as every banker tells us,
destroys industry at the root. And
any tax on finished goods destroys it
at the top.
You can't tax the farmers-it's all
| they can do to farm now. in fact.
/ they hardly do; for hours and hours
every day they can't farm: they just
ride round in their machines. You
can't tax organized labor: it wont
stand for it The rich can't bear It
| and the poor haven't got il.
In short, as far as ] can see T..
there's nothing really left but the
dog tax.
fCopyright 1a2sl
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
BY ED WYNN.

Dear Mr.. Wynn: I read an article
in the newspaper which said that a
baby in Bridgeport. Conn, feeding on
elephant milk had gained AZ pounds
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

going to witness d great re
duction in taxes.
They say that in the United States
the national budget will be cut down
by three billion--or by half million
some such big sum as that. In Can
ada the annual taxes will be reduced
to thirty FIVE dollars per head; either
that or three hundred and fifty dollars.
In Mexico there are to be no taxes at
all except for the very poor. And even
the F,skimoS are cutting down this
years budget by two pounds of blub-
Der per igloo.
But there seems still to he an open
question as to who are the people who
are to get the benefit of the reduction.
Whose taxes are to he cut first?
In order to help in solving this prob
lem ! have been getting together some
special Information. | have picked it
up in conversation with some of the
people with whom / associate from
day to day and in reading people s
views in the newspapers. | don't say
II is complete. But II looks good as
far as 1t goes. If any government
officials care to use ii they may have
ii without charge.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
BY STEPHEN LEACOCk.

HERE seems to be IA very gen
eral feeling all over this con
tinent that the present year is
going to witness d great re
duction in taxes.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
Valentine Day Brings Out Difference
In Sense of Humor, Even in the Family
BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM.

A S famous cigarette manufac-
~ turer once said, "A book of
. Verse beneath the Dough is
[ i worth two Russian Novels in
tho hand ~
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14

<<V HATS all this hollering
read about this lad
w M AHisS Dome I ri asas
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-02-14
BY RING LARDNER.

"O the editor: No doubt my lit
tie radio audience would like
to hear few incidence in re-
Il CARDS to my little trip from
TaCkSpnyjlle n RelIeair down
The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1926-04-20
Soviet RUSSIA
INCREASES ITS
EXPORT TRADE

WASHINGTON, April 1S-The for
eign trade turnover of the Soviet
Union for February was $s9,S41.700,
an increase of $4,000 over January
and of 100000 over the figure for
February, 1925, according to the So
Wet customs report received by the
Russian information bureau. The fig
ures are for European frontiers only.
Imports we're 27,GO4,OO and exports
1881, 200. ~
The feature Of tho report was the
marked increase of exports over jan
uary, s4,274,50O. with a decrease OF
Ss.S9S, 500 in imports. The advance in
the imports was principally in furs
AJAX and grain. Grain exports were
valued. at s3,70S,Ooo. an increase OF
$500, 900 over January. The import
list showed a general decline in vir
iually all commodities except apparel
dry goods and agricultural implements
and machinery. Imports Of tractors
all from the United States, were val
ned at s2,4OO,OOO, as compared will
Si50.000 in January.
The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1926-04-20
Machinists Plan Drive
to Organize Hoe Plant

NEW YORK. April 19-calling off
the two-year strike at Hoe printing
machinery manufacturing plant in
Brooklyn does not mean the cessation
OF the Machinists' Union efforts to or
ganize this firms workers and other
unorganized members Of the trade
SO says Alfred Peabody. representa-.
tive Of District Is, International AS
sociation OF Machinists. A union mem
bership meeting is to formulate plans
for a general organization drive.