davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
THE FUN SHOP EDITOR
 AT HOME Observed by His Princess
cDStl tANt ',' 't7
 Ch9I'nriDn

ii-Si iit'AtS
 Editor-Anothcr fearful grind at the office, And I've had to bring a bundle of jokes home to read, , Hawkins, bring me a W@stohaskct~~ i the biggest ono you can find!
 Butler-Ycs, sir. Here if is, sir 1 Thank you, sir.
 Editor-1 think I'll try some of these Jokes out on you, ll1WkinS l believe you're q pretty good judge oi what's funny. Here's one: "Who was that lady I saw you with last night?' "That was no lady. That was my wifc."
 Butlcr-TIa. Ina, hal That's a good one, sir, I hope you accept that on" sir. Fa, ha, ha.
 Editor--Grcat Guns, man. Haven't you heard THAT before" Hawkins get mo two moro W9strhaskots-hl" ones, I soc that I'm going to need them. You'ro q poor judge of hum. or. Hawkins.
 Rntlnr-~Yos. sir, thank you, sir. Here's the wastehaskets, sir Any thing else you need, sir?
 Editor-Those jokes Hro terrible! Hawkins, bring me skull and set 1t on the table. l want to look al something checrful-this life is get ting on my nerves,
 Hulcr-Lot me cheer you up, sir I think know 2 joke that will be fine for The Fun Shop, sir, It's rcally-ha, ha,-~-vory humorous you know, sir. It's like this, sir. On" gentleman says 10 another gontle- man: "Why does chicken cross tho roado" And tho other gentleman says
 Editor-Yes, yes, go on. fTo him. sclO: Where in the deuce did l put that gun?
 Rutlor-And the other gentleman says "To get to the other side!" Ha, ha, ha. ha, ha! Why, what's the mat ter, sir?
 Tditor-You brought if on your- self. Sorry, Hawkins-youve been a faithful servant, but this is the cndl
 Bang! Bang! Bang, Fang! Bang, BangD
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
OLD EDDIE PLANK

His powerful left arm lay help less at his sido'-thus ran a sen tence in the news item from Gettys- burg, Pa announcing that Eddie Plank, whose exploits as star pitcher Of the erstwhile champion philadoi- phia Athletics was on eycryonc's tongue, had been stricken with paralysis,
 What poignant pathos lay in the story, A king of diamonds fated to be crippled during the sunset of life and perhaps near death. The arm upon which countless citizens of Philadelphia depended for cham pionships and world series honors at last lying helpless and immovable.
 Plank and "Chicf' Bender were the pitching aces on the old cham pionship machine created by Connie Mack before the war. A better and more effective pair on one team at the same time the game has never known.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
FORD AND WATER POWER

Henry Ford remains q great be- leiver in the potency of water pow CT Not satisfied with having con. structed tractor plants at sites util- i2ing water for power, he now an- nounces an upholstery plant near Ypsilanti, Mich, will bc at the site of an artificial lake of five miles square which his engineers will construct by damIne q river.
 Ford engineers have uncanny ability in finding available sites wherever they wish to construct plants. One is reminded of the trac- tor plant constructed by Ford at Hamilton. Ohio, some years ago, when an ancient canal was used as the basis for a vast WHtorpowor pro ject, The canal had been useless for half century, and had anyone but the Ford people claimed it could be put 10 use they would have been regarded as fit candidates for an in- sane asylum.
 The same story holds good of the Ypsilanti site. The Hudson river near there is q small stream and nobody ever dreamed it could be utilized for hydro-clcctrlc power purposes. But examining the topO- graphy Of the land the engineers discovered that by forming an arti- ficial lake, large power resources were made possible,
 There arc many parts of tEc country with natural water power resources that do not require the construction of Iaree artificial lakes; but they do not appeal 10 Ford if he does not deem thr location wise for q plant. But power rom such sites can be transmitted 10 industrial centers and this plan will he greatly developed within tho next decade. In this development Now England will not Ing behind,
 The Stanley Works in Now Brit ain has con'rtbnol a good example Of this method O. trauaulHmr power through tho recent cons'ruc- tion of it's electric plant on tho Pennington river.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
It NJ RII

The verdict or he Warr1nry judge 10 the effect iha' a piano in a home is no longer a uNgry soems 10 b. in st"p with inc modern con- ception that tho uNumos or today ar" tho nc. ssj'i,' of tomorrnw.
 Judg, Hays rmarkaI th.' musical odncotion is a part of tho training Of children in American families, which is something that educators in general might take to heart and m'moriz"
 There aro o'hor luxurps Of y. @- t"rday that aro n.r, s,iri.s today. For instance, the ramDy nifyer is no longer regarded as a uxury--at least not hy ntnn-t,nrhs or thr r.o- pie. Tn" family rhonosmph is uo longer regarded as a lY>ary, and neither is tho ratlo.
 What is luxury and what is a necessity is a personal matter not one capable Of genoraliz1;ton.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
A, Antonio Rodolpho Alfonso Raftaelo Pierre Hilbert GugIclmi di Valentino dAntongpolia,
COWBOY WHO TRIED TO
 DYNAMITE PLANT IlSANE
Ncstener Was Arrested As He sought 10 Blow Up Chicago
 Packing Factory

Rockford, H., Feb. 24 R--Frunll iittS, sclt-styltd cowboy, who claimed his love ,or animals spurrcl his attempts 10 destroy horse meat packing plant here, has been found guilty oi arson and declared insane. Lifts will be sent 10 the Chester PonitcntiarS for Criminal Insane as q result of jury verdict returned late last night. The defendant viz orously fought tn, Instantly dc- fonso ot his coursel,
 Lifts made numerous attempts 10 rage the Chapel Brothers plant where horses are slaughtered for foreign consumption and for domcs- tic usc and animal food. One fire started last October resulted in damage of $S0.000 while others were cXtinguishcd with little dam age.
 His plan to blow up the plant with dynamit" on the night of De- Ccmncr 3 led to his arrest. Sur nrised by watchman while plac- ing the explosives, Lifts was shot He Wns found the next day weak from loss of blood.
 He claimed t' came to Rockford to destroy the plant after learning on a Montana ranch that animals were sent here for slaughter.
 Litts' claim of having been a cow boy later was discreditcd by authori- ties who snid hr was miner nnl member of several radical so- cioties.
 During his stay in iail he pre- pared an address to the jury, de- f"nding his actions on Biblical pre- Cepts.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

strueted n steam carriage, running
 upon three wheels, one in front and TWO at the sides and operated by an engine with two single acting high pressure cylinders, Inc pistons of which acted alternately on the front Wheen, Tho American claimant is George E, Selden, of Rochester, New York, who in Sg5, obtained patent for q machine he had constructed in lS1R, covering the application of the gas engine 10 automobiles, II was not until four years ufler the patent was granted that machines were con siruetod under fl. The first conner elal gasoline automobile was placed on the market in 1887 (March 4) in Germany by Gottlieb Daimler. In lSSS Mr. Sloinway, manufacturer of the S'einway pianos, purchased the American rights 10 this machine.
 Q. How much does an elephant weigh?
 A, The weight of large olc- phant is about five tons.
 Q, Which Is the larger and by how much, tho sun or the moon?
 A. The sun is by far the larger
 ts diameter is SGb, ,O0O miles and the
 diameter of the moon is 2,1G3 miles
 c. Is Eugene O'Bncn moving ,!ctWe actor, married? What is his addrcsaH
 A. He Is not married. His ad dress is 16 Gramercy Park, New York city.
 c. How Is coke made?
 <. From bitumnous coal by an operation that consists of oXpcling by heat the volatile elements.
 Q. What were the original boun d2rles of Macedonia? For what Wal it famous?
 A Originally Macedonia was con. llned to the region of Mount Olym- pus and the Cambunan mountains cast ot the ridge which forms the boundary of Epirus and Illyria. and west of the AXius, a river emptying into the Tcrmiac gulf. Later under Philip II it was extended as far east as the SIrymon. The country was famous among ancients for it's gold and silver mines and for it's oil and wine.
 e. How old Is Clara klmball ! onng, the movie actress?
 A. Sho was born in 1892.
  mation about Packey Mcfarland, the boyer?
 A. Patrick (Packy) McFarland's was Irish American. He ! was born in Chicago, H., November l, 1888; height five feet eight inches; | weight 14G pounds. He began his boxing career in 1904 and ended it September Ii. 1915 with q 10 round no-dccision battle with Mike Gib- nons at New York city. Between I9o4 and 1915 Mcfarland fought otal of Ill battles meeting some of Inc best of the weiterWcights and iGhtWcights, including Jimmy Britt. | Freddy Welsh, Dick Hyland and / 'iANiA' LII | "L 4hlN [ ttl ldIll NUllIu 10 doubt have hccn recognized as NcltcrWeiGht champion had he 'loimed it, but he preferred 10 re- nain q lightweight After quitting he ring Mcfarland became interest d in business at Joliet, Illinois.
 Q. What was the first steamship 0 cross the Atlantic ocean?
 4. The sidewhcel steamer Sa- 'onnah. She sailed from Liverpool England, May 24. 1919, making the 'oyage in 2G days.
 Q. To whom was the name "The Jill Boy of the Slashes," applied? A. Henry Clay.
 Q. What was the play that Lin oln was witnessing when he was { hot?
 4. Our American Cousin" at old 'orl's thea'cr on 10th street, x. w., Washington, D. c.
 Q, What is the full name of Ru- olph Valentino?
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
H"Sh"nd an1 Wifn Hnld
 0,4 p.-r>> p-,rt,.t,c ~ CLouy.

Stamford. Conn. Feb. 24 U7 -- philip Greenhcrg and his wife. F1nnic Grcnnhcrg of New York city, arc being held here on a charge Of transportation of liquor Thoy were stopped hy the police nar}v this morning and their auto mobile wRs fnnnd 10 contain 119 gallons Of alcohol Their bonds were placed at si,000,
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
How Tn Dn II

Father "How does the young man expect 10 support you after he mar. rics you?"
 Ills Daughter: He thought you might give him d ioh,' Father; Bah! Why he doesn't know enough 10 come in out of the rain.'
 Daughter; "Well, can't you give him an inside job, and then he won't have to?"
 Doris Jean krat2cnstein Copyright, 1926, Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

The Prince of Wales can enter the United States any time he desires 10 do so, "dcspite his parents are up all night worrying about his night life, !" was the braodc2st from Representa- tive Cellor of New York. Here is a man whom the Canadian govcrn- ment cannot gag.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

J. Henry Roraback has added to his numerous duties by becoming fire insurance director. If this keeps up J. Henry will be so busy he won't have any time left for politics. But We will always ho able to say poli- ties gave him his start.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
A RIPPER" VICTORY FOR THE STATE,

A'iA iilA NJ IL
 Bridgeport remains entirely lack
 ing in tho fortunes of war The clty's latest defeat camo before tho state Supreme court, when tho court upheld the salaries fixed m- der tho ripper law wsped upon the city by the late Icn~~ture.
 Nothing but an inyandation of the entire law could eliminate the salaries paid under 1t, We gather from the courts decision. The 'poromoun, authority" Of tho rIp- per law. os compared with the city charter and the ordinances of tho Common Council '1s unques'ton- ed,' said tho court,
 In other words. Bridgeport has to pay the salaries to slote ripper officials that the law specifies; the city must pay until it hurts.
 Assessor William F. Connolly who brought suit against having his sfa'o-nscd salary of $75oo a year reduced 10 &250o by tho ciiy. won a cloor-cut victory. The other ripper law officials who likewise will enjoy their S7500 salaries un- impaired include Howard s. Chal- lengrr taH collector, and Edward Kelly, tax attorney Bridgeport hasn't a thing 10 do about it ex- cept 10 pay their salaries.
 The salaries of $2,50o q year for inc "asssitants" likewise hold good, Bridgeport will have to pay.
 When the Legislature clampcd the ripper law upon Bridgeport inc opportunity 10 reward sundry gentlemen for their constant party l affiliations was not overlooked. II "'" H ItlIF II Ilh0oIllt 10 lHe ROOQ l citizens of Bridgeport to be forced to pay so much more than the | jobs seemed to be worth, but poll ties is politics.
 With the wisdom Of this Iegis. laion this court has. of course, nothing to do," declared the court decision. Tt is our function to in. torpret the legislative will, not to question it's exercise"
 There was no gay nlumago left to the diana of home rule after the court got through analyzing the right of the Legislature to pass such a law. Irrespective of the common assumption that cities have some inherent right to gov ern themselves, the court made this point clear to the contrary,
 "The right of sclf-govern-
 ment by charter and ordinance
 is itself q legislative grant and
 is held by the city al the will
 of the Legislature and subject
 to such change or modification
 as the latter may at any time
 sec fit to make. Towns and
 cities under our form of gov
 crnmont in Connecticut havr
 no inherent right of Self-gov-
 crnmcnt and no powers save
 such &s arc granted to them
 by the Legislature, expressly
 or by necessary implication,
 subject Of course to constit1-
 tional limitations"
 This is somc,hing 10 bear in mind. There is no such thing as inherent homo rule in Connccticut. What there is Of it comcs from the legislature and can be changed or modified at any time. Tho court iocsion can be taken as q warning 0 cities to act so circumspccNy as 1ot to arouse the ire of the legis- ators.
 The object of Bridgeport was 10 'uIlify thr ripper law by reducing salaries to the point where it would make it dincult 10 obtain Xperts to carry out its provisions. The court rccomizcd the effort without the aid of labels and
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
FEDERAL AID TO THE STATES

Governor Ritchie Of Marylant
 tho other day uttered severe de-
 nunciation of federal aid in th,
 construction of highways, saying
 the system robbed prosperous
 states of money which was handed
 over 10 less prosperous states,
 IL appears from tho record, how
 evcr that tho sovereign state of
 Maryland was tho northommost
 eastern state to accept such fed
 c~l 0id during the fiscal year end | ing last Juno. Maryland built n
 miles Of federal aid highway. in connection with which it received $G&6,oG1 from thc government.
 Thu only other eastern states re- ceiying such aid from the govern
 mrnt were Florida, a7 mucs). North Carolina, (235 milos). South Carolina, (&l1 milos), and Nir- ginia, n1& mlosl,
 Considering Maryland's small area, its share Of federal aid roads during the last fiscal year com pared |ery well with those of tho other eastern states. Indeed, area considered, it got quite as much relative ail from the government as much larger commonwcalths.
 The Maryland governor, being q candidate for tho Democratic presidential nomination, should put the soft pedal upon criticzing the federal aid system. as southern states are receiving q large share of such aid. If the delegates down in the cotton country get pcovcd at him for such criticisms it will be au reyoir for his presidential prospects.
 Federal aid for highway con struction, of course, is not the only type of federal aid to the states that exists. although by far the most expensive, costing the govern mont the neat sum of $63,375,000 during the last fiscal year. The various states, of course, had to expend an equal sum upon the highways to obtain the aid. This law has been in existence since 1916 and seems to be popular everywhere except in the east.
 The other species of federal aid do not cost the government enough | money to worry about. The Smith Lever act of 1914, the first of the !, federal aid laws, insurcs co-opera- tive agricultural extension work and last year cost the government $5,SS0, 900. Considering that il aids agriculture, thus assisting yir- tually everyone indirectly, the money seems to be well spent. The Smith-IIughcs vocational education law of 1917 cost the government S3,l>S,922 last year, The Sheppard ToWncr act Of 1921, aiding in ma icrnity and infant hygiene, cost the government $S47,53C. The indus rial rehabilitation law of 1920 cost $5S1,2G5; while the Chamber ain Kahn act for the prevention md control of certain diseases cost only $o$,G27, yet is regarded by physicians as one Of the most inn oortant upon the list.
 All told federal aid of all kinds 0 the states cost the government last year, with high vay construction causing most of he expense.
 There is one thing about federal id highway construction not to be overlooked - the time will soon ome when there will be no more nch roads that haven't been con- tructed. Such aid is only applied O through interstate trunk lines nl these are limited.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

William Allcn White, heading n campaign for the elimination Of illit- cracy in the Tinted States by 1880. evidently wants everybody 10 be cap able of reading his stuff in four years time.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

Il was the third time the tenor Gigji would moi sing on account Of black hand threats, and thc oftrncr it happens tho greater the publicity. We trust the black handlers are not part of the publicity department
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

l322 New York ayenne, Washington
 D. C, enclosing two cents in stamp,
 for reply, Mrdica, legal and mnrita advice cannot be given, nor can eX, tended rcSearcn be undertaken. Al other questions will receive a Der.
 sonal reply. Unsigned requests can. not he answered, All letters art
 confidential l.-- Editor.
 .. How many users of manufaC-
 turcd gas arc there in the United
 States?
 A. There are 52,000O00 persons in the United States who have man. ufactured gas service available. One of each 49 of these persons is a GUS toner of q gas company, according 10 statistics for 1925 recently made public by the American Gas associa- ton. The sales of manufactured gas in the United States have dou- bled in the last 10 years. During 1925, 4e1 billion cubic feet were sold by 964 companies to 10,G0O, GOO customers. This Is an increase of 1G billion cubic feet over 1924, the in creased use of gas in industry and home-hoating accounting for much of the gain.
 c. What was the origin of the 'fez' as the hoadgoar of Turkish men?
 '. Tho fcz came as one of the
 sudden Turkish reforms relatiN ely short time ago. Sultan Mahmoud II, who ruled during the early years of the 18th century, wished like Peter the Great of Russia, to modernize his people and turn their thoughts from Asia. He decrecd that they should abandon inc turban and wear the feZ, influenced doubtless by the modish and convenient, He coupled the fcz with the introduction of tho fr0ck coat for his courticrs and tho well dressed young Turk in general, For this he was denounced by most of his people as "the infldcl sultan" Tho use of the fez continued, how eyer, 10 such good advantage that Within q generation or so if was looked upon by the outside world and no doubt by most Turks as the age old Turkish head GOV oring, Why Mahmoud settled on the fcz is not quite clear. Most of his reforms looked toward WCSterni2a- ton. But something very like the fcz was worn by the ancient Assy- r;ans and IIittitcs, and it is snppos- cd to have come down 10 modern times through the By2antincs and the Greeks. One thing in it's favor was the lack of hrim. So long as the Turks were devout Moslems. practi"ing their prost rations at prayer time, brims were not permis- siblo, since they interfered with touching tho forehead to the ground.
 Q. Have any brilliant men been long slecpers?
 A. Des"artes, the famous mathe- was a long sleeper, and is frequently mentioned in illustration of the theory that the most active | brains require long periods of sleep, |
 c. Who invented the automo- pile?
 A. The claim of being the father | of the modern automobile has been I advanced for a F'rcnchman and an American. The Frcnchman was i Joseph Cugnot who, in 1769 con-
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

There being an epidemic of measles in the state, Hartford again leads all other cities in per capita statistics, Hartford lads in every thing.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

Winter vacations for tired busi- ness mon arc said to he on the in crease, tho vacations largely heinz tak"n in Florida, with a little rruI cstating on the side.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
Facts sandFancies
Ky ROBERT CULLEN

Few know whero tho Mason and Dixon line was; anybody can ob- serve where the corn and Colonel line is,
 It ls estimated that the fast .cars manufactured thia year will he worth $1,S2G,00O to rural com munitics,
 What price glory? Well, q hold out, the idol Of fans, may goot $200 to sign up.
 About all q fan can do in tho way Of spring training is seek tho open spaces and practice yelling "rotten!"
 lt isn't real poverty unless the boys arc aS bare as their sisters like to be.
 Refining consists in taking sS wort II of crude oil and changing it at q cost of $9,13 into products worth $132.$5.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

1T she had been plain Vera Cath cart and had come in tho s,tcragr she would have been donornd with out any fuss, remarks an acrid Britlsher.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
Nice Place for Thnn

Mrs, Joyce; "Hcs, we are moving to our ne" homo in Scotland, next month"
 Mrs, Norrinc; "Won't that bc love ly! The children can play in that scotland Yard I've heard so much about" --llcartroliblo, The Bohbcd Hair,
 Bandit.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
Sounded So

Aunt Ethel has one of the organs of her body missing, hasn't she asked my eight-year old son the other day.
 What makes you think SOP" I asked, in astonishmcnt.
 Why when Uncle John told her 10 wear a short skirt and roll her socks, she said she hadn't any kid knees"
 " rT,l,i,ero,,
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

Let's Polish Up the Tools, Folks, The hoe Of fun, the spade of cheer, The rake of mirth and laughter, We need '"m, Folks, when Spring is
 here,
 Likewise before and after!
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
THE LOWLY MUSIC CRITIC

Why music critics are so uniycr- sally hated has been manifest since the debut of Marion Tallcy, While the public wont wild over inc young girl from Kansas. the music critic Of tho New York World went counter 10 public opinion with the following severe crtItquc after her second app'arancc:
 "On Il second hearing Miss Tallry's merits ana defects re- main substantially the samc as al her debut, Miss Tallcy's tal- on's and equipment are not in any sense phenomenal The voice is pleasant, but small. The s.>'t iu the second act Was aI- most o quintet SO inauljMr vas Miss Tuncy frequently. There was less %r~ rping yesterday than in "lu&olrtto" of last week, but there was the same pnchcd, acid quality in the high register, Tho E flat in ali at the end Of the third act was true as to pitch, but had no quality whatever. Miss Tallcy eains all her emotional effects in The low and mililo registers hy 'ho naive process of "@coopinR'- something which l thought ,vrn Kansas City had gone be- yond, Altogether inc Missouri ian's exhibition of vocalism at 'iu Metropolitan comp"ls thn p".rv us 10 what 1ll the shootn G~ ahCut."
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
9ut now I do not care q whit

But now ] do not care whit
 If mem" is pronounced "maynoo Or if ono ought 10 garglc 1t
 As if it were said Me an you," For when the waiter comes to me l look him in the eye and say, As though l didn't care a whoop. "Wcll, Garcon, Wotcha got today.
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24
Her Bit

Melvin; "Aro they taking Miss Scngstcr along OH the automobile ride to sing for them 2"
 Lester: No, to do the screaming in case they get held up"
 George J. Moulton,
New Britain herald., 1926-02-24

Bert E. Hancy having resigned from thr shipping board, it is to be hoped thc T., s. ships will he able to navigate the tempest in q teapot.