davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Officer (picking up Pedestrian
Did you get the number of the car?
Victim-Yes, but never mind. 1t
was my cooks machine and 1 don't
want any trouble with her.
Fortune Teller: 1 see great trou-
ble-you will suffer from it for
Is years.
Victim: Good gracious! And after
that?
Fortune Teller: Afterwards you
will not suffer so much, for you will
have got used to it.-Florence Sig
aretta.
"Who was the most popular girl
at the dance last night2,'
II don't know, but her dress looked
like it would fall off any minute"
Asker-Is Shyster a good lawyer?
Teller-That all depends. If he
is on your side you will admire him
as the smartest and most eloquent
legal practitioner you ever saw, and
if he is on the other side you will
despise him as the most unscrupulous
and lying pettifogger who ever dis
SIdceu the Ddr.
Sister Ida-Did you dream that
you were out riding with Bill last
night?
Sister May-Yes. How did you
guess it?
Sister Ida-I saw you walking in
your sleep.
Irate Mother cat dinner)-Tommy
/ wish you'd stop reaching for
things. Hayen't YOU a tongue?
Tommy-Yes, mother, but my arms
/ longer.
Fannie-I had men running after
me long before / met you. il
| Orrin--Yo You'd have them running
after you still if I didn't pay your
bills every month.
/ The young wife noticed hair on
the sleeve of her husbands coat, and
picking it off. said: George what
does this mean?"
Don't worry about that, dear" he
replied, Its far too long to be
woman's."
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14
ABE MARTIN

"M" stands fer money, root of evil
an vice,
However, nOthin' succeeds like :
haVin' TIN price.
Who remembers when you cOuldn'
git mother t. set in a barber shop
while you got shaved Saturday
night:
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14
More Truth Than Poetry
BY JAMES j. MONTAGUE
COLOR BLINDNESS

COLOR BLINDNESS
The peacock, men of science find,
Is absolutely color blind,
And being so, he nothing cares
About the plumage which he wears,
Or has the least idea why
It's hues delight the public eye.
However, when he takes the air
And notes that people stop and stare
He poses, struts and spreads his tail
He sounds his harsh and trident wall
And let's his brilliant chest expand,
Observing proudly: ''Ain't grand?"
"Vainglorious fowl perhaps you say,
'"To flaunt so vainly his array
When in his poor defective sight
He might be back or gray or white.
In such bird 'twould be more meet
To show a little less conceit."
But if, dear reader, you or I
Were stared at by all passersby,
Who watched us strut and stalk and
prance,
With admiration in their glance,
Perhaps we too would be possessed
OF a somewhat expanded chest.
The great can't always estimate
Just what it is that makes them
great
But that will matter not whit
II they can get away with it!
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14
Fair Exchange

1t would be worth our while to
trade in the whisky Great Britain
sends over here in exchange for half
it's weight in rubber.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14
one of the Best

Judging by the latest news of the
Maharajah of Indore he must be a
good deal of an Indore sport.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14
PZucked From the Plains

Officer (picking up pedestrian)-
Did you get the number of the car?
Nictim-Yes, but never mind. 1t
was my cooks machine and 1 don't
want any trouble with her.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

"Who was the most popular girl
at the dance last night2,'
II don't know, but her dress looked
like it would fall off any minute"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Little Mother-Would you like to
have a dolly like one of those?
Little Daughter-No don't want
any; | want one with bobbed hair.
Paris Rire.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Mistress-I should like to know
what business that policeman has
in my kitchen every night of the
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Inquisitive Son-Father, what is
the unluckiest month in the year to
get married in?
Father don't know, my boy
Everybody has to find that out for
himself-just as l dig.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Fortune Teller: Afterwards you
will not suffer so much, for you will
have got used to it.-Florence Sig
aretta.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Asker-How is Mrs. Fox Trott; 1
heard she was sick?
Teller understand she is at that
uncertain point where she is just
able to go to dance but not well
enough to do housework yet.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Pretty Servant-Well, ma'am, I
think he suspects me of neglecting
my work.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Visitor-And do you sit here day
by day painting nothing but animal
pictures?
Schram, the Artist-Well, on Fri
days 1 paint fish.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Irate Mother cat dinnerD-Tommy.
wish you'd stop reaching for
things. Haven't you tongue? f
Tommy-Yes, mother, but my arms
longer.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Fannie--I had men running aft,
me long before met you.
4 Orrin-You'd have them runnin
after you still if 1 didn't pay yot
bills every month.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-02-14

Fortune Teller: see great trou-
ble-you will suffer from it for
Is years.
Victim: Good gracious! And after
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
BEWARE THE
COUGH OR COLD
THAT HANGS ON

Persistent coughs and colds lead to
serious trouble. You can stop them
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creosote that is pleasant to take. Creo-
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OF all known drugs, creosote is rec
ognized by high medical authorities as
one of the greatest healing agencies for
persistent coughs and colds and other
forms Of throat troubles. Creomulsion
contains, in addition to creosote, other
healing elements which soothe and heal
the infected membranes and stop the
irritation and Inflammation, while the
creosote goes on to the stomach, is alb
sorbed into the blood, attacks the seat
Of the trouble and checks the growth
Of the germs.
Creomulasion is guaranteed satisfac-
tory In the treatment Of persistent
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ing up the system after colds or flu.
Money refunded IL any cough or cold
is not relieved after taking according
TO directions. Ask your druggist.-Ad-
vertisement
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
&N0[2T i
and
SIMMER
By Ammo Austin :


The drive to the Cluny mansion
was a nightmare for Faith, for the
two detectives had sternly enforced
their. own idea of a suitable seating
arrangement. Faith was guarded on
the back seat by the silent Boyle
and Farrell rode besidA Bob, who
spoke only to reply to a question
Of the detective. Faith sat huddled
In corner of the seat, her face a
white mask Of misery and fear.
Better come clean right off with
the chief" Boyle said calmly. as he
looked at her curiously. Wont help
matters none to stall around"
II don't know anything to tell
him." Faith said DULY, but her hands
tightened on her handbag, where
Cherry's farewell note lay tightly
folded.
AS the car picked a slow way
through the Jam Of tafflc before the
church, Faith saw the Rev. Mr.. Ash.
burn, divested of his black robe and
white surplice, appear on the steps
and raise his hands as If to deliver
a benedictlon. He was evidently try
ing to aid the police in dispensing the
crowd that milled about the snow
covered church lawn.
The Cluny mansion, less than half
a mile from the fashionable st. Pc
ter's Episcopal Church. was set in
lonely magnihcence in the center Of
a long city block. A tall. thick ever
green hedge enclosed the plot of
ground on all four sides. Snow-laden
fir and cedar trees dotted the high
terraced lawn. A long greenhouse
crouched near the hedge on the right,
supplying the mansion with an end
lesc variety of hothouse flowers.
The house itself was a lordly,
gothic affair of cream-colored brick.
A dozen delicately beautiful turrets
pierced the thick gloom OF the No
vember night. Light poured from a
score of front windows on all three
floors. Shades had been yanked UP
ruthlessly, and Faith saw burly men,
some in uniform, some in plain
clothes, passing constantly across
those squares of light. Flashlights,
in the hands of other police officers,
twinkled here and there above the
snow carpet Of the lawn.
The old man who had lived in lone
ly splendor and who had died alone,
unless his murderer had waited to
see that his work was well done,
was, ironically, permitted no peace
in his death. He was playing the
silent, though central role, in just
such a drama as he had so many
times described with realistic and
horrible details before trial jury
AS these thoughts passed hazily
through Faiths panic-stricken brain
sob of pity for the old man whom
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13

she had come to respect and like
swelled in her throat. Cherry had
liked him, too, even though she had
found that she couldn't marry him.
He had been so good to Cherry-and
now-they thought Cherry had killed
him. Cherry! Tiny, impulsive,
storm and sunshine Cherry, who
could not stay angry more than
minute to save her life! Cherry,
who, for all her selfshness and art
full scheming, had never done a real
ly wicked thing in her life!
When they entered the long. wide
main hall of the beautiful old house,
through the high-arched Gothic door
way, Faith saw at once that the
Cluny clan had assembled. At the
foot of the broad, curving staircase
stood Alexander Cluny, old Mr..
Cluny's only son, a prominent cor
poration lawyer, and beside him was
his own son, young Ralph Cluny, the
second, recently made an assistant
district attorney.
"I had an usher get them out of
the church before 1 saw you" Bob
whispered to Faith. 81 surely hope
Alexis wife isn't here. She's addicted
to Mysteries"
I'm glad Mrs. Albright and
Muriel are in Switzerland" Faith an
swered in a whisper as the chief Of
police came shouldering his way
through the small crowd in the hall.
CTo Be Continued
Copyright, 1926, NEA Service, Inc.)
Next: Did Cherry flee with Chris
Wiley?
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13

lessly torn asunder by twentieth CEN
tury youth No longer do grown
ups whisper together in corners. The
adolescent Of today is not consumed
by curiosity as was the youngster Of
the Victorian age. The great veri-
ties Of life are no longer regarded as
something shameful and secret.
1t looks as if, so long as we know
our children must confront life as
1t is. and not as we would have It
be, they should be taught to look
upon it with clear eyes and thus
preserve themselves from harm by a
knowledge Of its evils and its
beauties.
Twenty-Five years ago, girls were
given in marriage by mothers who
had reared them in total ignorance
of its realities. Can we wonder that
many of them were unhappy and
disillusioned? Can we fail to see
that because Of this they made the
poorest sort of wives? Today's
mother does not want this to hap.
pen to her child.
Sex is something we cannot ig-
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
TO EFFACE YOUR COUGH
QUICKLY

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Honey and Tar Compound. Made
by our own special process, it COM
bines the curative influence Of Pine
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tains no opiates, no chloroform; is
bland to the tender throat of a child
and effective in stopping the stub
born coughs of grown persons. A
fine dependable family medicine. sold
re.--Advertisement
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13

more. The facts Of existence are
here and cannot be covered up. 1t
is only the part Of wisdom to teach
the young to take them. not as
monstrous evils. but as something
magnificent and wonderful IL they
are properly regarded. Teach them
and get it over with. Perhaps then
they will not, like the present gen
Grafton. spend all the rest Of their
lives talking and writing and think
ing about sex.
Today we are nauseated by books
and plays that are unfit to be read
or looked at by intelligently decent
people. We are wallowing in a
veritable quagmire of sex stuff
We regard everything from the sex
angle. May not this be because we
are reacting from the fact that so
many of us We're taught that sex
was something shameful and vile?
Let's know about it, by all means
and then perhaps we will not discuss
IL SO much.
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
NE w VIE WIS
ON SEX ARE
HELD TODAY
Fine Wells of PretenSe Are
RuthIeSsIy Torn Away
by ModernS.
By Mrs. Walter Ferguson

The question Of sex study in the
high school results now and then in
veritable upheaval. Certain pro
fessors and parents are in favor Of It..
Certain others are as violently op-
posed.
This barrier is the one that looms
most colossal between the younger
and the older generations. Those who
were reared in homes where such
things were never talked about, and
who still. after life's vast expert
ences, feel a sense Of shame at their
mention, cannot acquire the view
point of the eInancipated young per-
son of today.
The fine wells Of pretense which
were woven by the puritan-minded
to make beautiful things which may
have been hideous, are being ruth
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
MENUS
For the
FAMILY
BY Sister Mary

BREAKFAST-Orapge Juice, CO.
real, thin cream, creamed dried beef
on toast, crisp whole-wheat toast,
milk coffee.
LUNCIEON-Cream bf tomato
soup, croutons, lima bean salad. bran
rolls, floating island, date cup cakes,
milk, tea.
DINNER-Fried rabbit, mashed
potatoes, creaned celery, cold slaw,
lemon sponge pie, graham bread,
milk, coffee.
These little date cup cakes are
especially nice for the holiday sea-
son. They are quite festive with
their fruit and nuts, but not too ex-
travagant in their use of eggs and
butter.
Date Cup Cakes
One-third cup butter, / cup light
brown sugar, 2 eggs, 23-cup milk,
l teaspoon grated orange rind. cup
stoned and chopped dates, 1 cup
chopped walnut meats, 1z-teaspoon
vanilla, 1z-teaspoon salt, a teaspoon
cinnamon, IL cups of -four, 1A tea
spoons baking powder.
Toss dates In tablespoons of the
flour until thoroughly coated. Mix
and sift remaining flour with salt,
cinnamon and baking powder. Cream
butter and slowly add sugar, beat
ing until creamy. Work the orange
rind thoroughly into creamed but
ter and sugar. Add yolks Of eggs
well beaten. Beat hard and alter.
nately add sifted dry ingredients,
milk and vanilla. Add prepared
dates and nuts and mix thoroughly.
Fold in whites Of eggs beaten un-
til stiff and dry. Oil and -four gem
pans and half-flll with batter. Bake
in a hot oven for fifteen minutes
Copyright, 1925, NEA Service, Inc.)
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13

If we live In glass houses, we
usually don't know it, and we're oft
en- guilty Of generously advising
some one else to take the beam out
Of his eye, blissfully unconscious that
we may have one in each Of ours
which could very we'll stand remov-
ing.
So it goes and faults are what the
other folks have" makes a nice COM
Portable conclusion. Most of us
mean we'll, anyway. Our attitude in
this matter simply comes from lack
of understanding Of the other per-
sons problems.
We don't see why they do a GER
tain way, because not seeing the In
side Of their mental work shop, we
don't know all the moods, inclina-
tions, hard facts that they may have
to deal with. Nor, of course, do they
know ours. If we could always un-
derstand each others point of view!
Neighbors In-LaWS.
Dear Martha Lee: What would you do
Il you were in my place? / am mar;
yted woman 27 years old. MY, husoand
and I live across the street from his
othsF DO not s iHd their hR sEe%a at M heE
very narrow minded and while theg, think
they are good church members and very
much society folks because they belong 10
a couple of card clubs. know that they
are very common place. | should IKE 70
themselves. have a notion TO move out
Of the neghborhood. What do you think
about II? -.oc ,or,N
Unless you change your thought
about your husbands people, 1t
might be we'll to get house In an
other neighborhood because it does
no one any good to harbor envious
or critical thoughts. However, why
not try to get their point OF view
and be more friendly to their ideas?
We cannot all see alike, you know,
Don't have a superior feeling to
them, else they will feel it. All
things are to be Judged in this world
only by comparison. Perhaps your
best efforts might seem common
place to some one else-and so 1t
goes. Be charitable to their ambi-
tions
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13

THERE is a new way in women's
IL hygiene that ends the insecurity
of old-time sanitary pads" and their
unhappy days.
Eight in 10 better-class women
now use "KOTEX."
,/Discards as easily as a piece of
y tissue. No laundry. No embar-
rassment.
Five times as absorbent as ordi-
nary cotton pads.
Deodorizes, thus ending ALL dan
ger of offending.
Obtainable at ali drug and de-
partment stores simply by saying
"KOTEX." You ask for it without
hesitancy.
Costs only a few cents. Proves
old way needless risk. IL in pack
age. In fairness to yourself, try It.
K Q 7 G x
No laundry-discard like tissue
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
She Bears the Burdens

Dear Martha Lee. I have been married
five years and have always worRea
and kept boarders. l have had only one one
hat the cost dollar since ! ts have ,o3eea been
Of my sisters Nov IN c the snd IaSH yf worE
and when | complain Of my york and my
health he says I am lazy am now
working for a party that, has a business
place and should De on guy a3 9upGiayS hy.iS gs r.
me in $3.50 and l never haye any rest;
fear my dear friend that you
are suffering mostly from your own
handiwork. You've undoubtedly as
sisted your husband to his present
permanent sitting position by taking
both his and your responsibility
There are some men who naturally
shuttle off the job Of provider, II
friend wife hugs it to her breast.
You've done too much forging
ahead. A little leaning on that hus-
band of yours would evidently have
better for him. The fact that he
worked in the early part Of your
married life confirms this opinion
With an able bodied husband, you
have no business doing that Sunday
washing, ETC. See If you can make
him feel that you believe he can,
and expect him to make a living.
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
GOLD RROCADEs

For the bag to be carried in the
evening. there il preference for
tailored models in gold kid or in
fancy brocades, exquisitely lined.
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
CHIC TRIMMING

Shaded astrakhan that vibrates
from pale gray TO nearly black is
very chic on coats Of the fashionable
deep red.
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
TORTOISE SHELL NEXT

Hat ornaments OF tortoise shell are
very smart as are also those of am
Der and Of cut crystal.
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
That's Martha Lees Answer to Mrs. John, Who Says
Husbands Relatives Are 'Uppty Because They
Belong to Couple of Card Clubs.
By Martha Lee

A the world queer except and thee and thou
little queer times the old Quaker said his wife He
about Most of feel that it is
the other fellow who is out of step
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13
A Foolish Marriage

DEAR MARTHA LEE:
am a girl / & years old and I am in
love with young man 21. We went to-
gether one year; Some time ago. was
visiting at girls house. Her brother
and we two girls got to drinking. It
went to my head and to make a long
story short. her brother and I got mar
Tied. Why l don't even like him I love
The one I went with first and 1 can not
forget him. What shall l dor LIP.
There is no use for me to tell you
how foolish you were, because I am
sure you realize 1t already. If you
and the young man are absolutely
Indifferent to each other, 1 suppose
the wise thing to do would be to
try and get a divorce. YOU do not
mention the young mans age that
you married If he happens to be
under age, perhaps his parents could
have the marriage annulled.
The Indianapolis times., 1926-12-13

OOLLARED WITH ERMINE
No tailleur is so successful as the
black velvet model collared dis
creetly with white ermine.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-24

Now there was large amount OF
truth tangled up in the matter.
purieux had, by what seemed to
us at the time a curious coinci-
dence, been called to,a hotel where
he did not know ! was staying. He
had come on a mysterious business
matter which, like all his ventures,
came to nothing. / could now see
that we had been, as the Ameri-
cans say, Framed"
Professor Tiriard was honest
and frank. He admitted that the
King was convinced that l had
been unfaithful, and that he
thought so himself, and had told
his master so. However, his con-
science had smitten him, and he
wished me to have a chance to pre-
pare my defence, as the accusa-
ton would fall as soon as the child
was born.
The more | thought the more l
realized that | had no defense.
Only two people, Durieux and 1,
knew l was innocent, and who
would believe us? My enemies had
done their work perfectly. There
was just one hope, which | suggest
ed to the doctor. If the child
should happen to resemble the
King he might believe me, but
Professor Tiriard dashed even this.
NO" he said, "His Majesty has
thought of that and already dis
carded it. There is a theory now
that child may resemble someone
not its father who is present a lot
and exerts prenatal influence, /
doubt if he would he impressed
even if the baby were born with
his own long beard"
A weak defense is worse than
none at all. l decided to say moth
ing and take my me icine with the
digni'v of silence. When you are
in the wrong say nothing. was
not in the wrong, but l might just
as well have been. did not blame
Leopold. In his place, with the
same evidence, l, too, would have
condemned.
With what seemed certain doom
hanging over us the child was born
and carried out to be inspected ~
His Majesty. I waited for the blow
to fall. The door of m chamber
opened a few inches and in it for
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-24
"Delilah" By Andrew Soutar

"Dear old Stella" he said. "She
is living twenty years after her
time. Good God! Fancy riding
the romantic horse these days"
"Be careful what you say" said
the father. "If she were to sus-
pect-"
"She WON'T" caid Michael. "She
Is too absorbed in her mid-Victor-
ian ideals"
Adam Anscombe, rather drawn
about the mouth corners by the
worry of the last few weeks, stared
contemplatively at his son.
Lazarus will ask for pretty sub
stantial security" he said.
81 don't think So" said Michael.
"Swete's name will be more than
sufficient. Ny dear pater, you've
been out of the run of things so
long that you're positively old-fash-
toned. Only yesterday, in the
Automobile Club, was twice
asked when they might expect
formal announcement of the en-
gagement."
"Stella and Swete?"
Michael laughed at the fathers
incredulity.
'Tf you had the courage to 60
into your own kitchen, the servants
might enlighten you," he said.
Servants talk. My man was talk
ing to Swete's valet the other day,
and, of course, the story came back
to me. Why, it almost looks as
though Swete were so crazy about
it that he helps everybody to be-
lieve she has accepted him al
ready"
And. Michael had very nearly
stumbled on the truth.
"Get back to Lazarus" said Ans
combe, nervously. 'Td much
rather cut st ella out of my mind
in approaching this business. It's
only 'short-time loan require"
Michael amazed him with his
reply
ave already seen Lazarus" he
said. 81 went there to sound him,
and you may take it from me that
an engagement between Swete and
Stella would be all the security
he'd require"
Sounds horrible" said Ans
combe. "Takes me back forty or
fifty years, when this sort of thing
was done in order to provide the
novelists of the day with a theme"
eve have progressed since
them" said Michael loftily. MAR
riage is now a business which one
approaches with a business mind.
Hang it all, it should be a thunder
ing good match" -,
Anscombe nodded. "She said