davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
GOVERNMENT AS BANKER
 ALWAYS LOSES

ALWAYS IOSEN
 The pcrnicious element involved 1 in the federal government posing
 as banker to the farm co-opera-
 lives, as planned Tn lhe Tincher
 farm relief bill said to be reIuc- tantJy approved by the administra- ton. is that the government will
 never get hack the S1oo.ooooo0 appropriation involved.
 i The nation has had a compara- lively recent experience in the farm banking business. The War Finance Corporation loaned millions of dollars 10 cattlemen's associa- tions and not a cent has been paid back and never will be. The Tincher bill would merely give another
 St0o. .o00,00o away with no chance of a penny ever being returned. Not only that but it is planned 10 amend the Tncher bill so that a federal farm council of 12 mem- hers, each at S10.00o a year salary. would he created. Cost Of operat- ing this board would be about S500,oo0 annually The unconstitu- tional element in the bill would let the various farm organizations dic- tate to the President whom to ap- point on this new and expensive bureaucratic board.
 Eastern representatives in Con- gress who are inclined to vote for the Tincher farm relief bill mere ly because the administration feels it must do something" about the farm situation for political reasons, should change their front and re- fuse 10 be a party to the scheme. The sole object is to maintain the present cost or living at the ex- pense Of industrial districts and for the benefit of the western agricul- tural classes who insist the govern ment be paternalisticaly inclined.
 The western farm distress will solve itself in time; there has all ready been considerable allevia- ton of the situation. The govern- ment should maintain hands off ir- respective of politics. The western politicians will not be deferred from berating eastern capitalists and industrialis,s no matter what is done for them. no matter how many millions are wasted in their behalf.
 II may he true that f eastern Republican representatives refuse 10 vote for such legislation there may be reprlsals from the blocs which control Congress. But the eastern representatives will find that such animosity will exist any way. The Tnchcr bill if passed will not satisfy and the east, of course, will be blamed. Whenever tariff talk crops into Congress the west erners can be expected 10 oppose the desire Of the customers regard less of farm bills. past present or future. Denunciation Of Wall street and the industrial east is the stock in trade Of every western politician and no farm legislation will change , their tactics This being the case ihe customers might as well vote as they know they should vote - oppos" raids upon the treasury by , the farm interests al every oppor- tunity
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Mayor Wtlds first message to the Common Council will very likely be couched in careful language, and not entirely in care-free oratory. EySry word will be carefully weighed. and the responsibility Of getting the right word in the right place on such occasions is no mean part Of the mayors troubles.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
Hunting For It

What are you doing up on our roof, little boy?" I called 10 a neigh boring lad the other day. Come down at once or l shall tell your father"
 "Oh. was just looking for the mortgage papa said was on your house." he called back.
 A. B. Schmidt.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
THE OBSER YER On the City and It's People
 Makes Random Observations

| lar. Others may think of their own particular locations and call them the most wonderful. That is en- tirely matter of personal opinion.
 The house in mind is situated on top Of a hill and commands q view for miles about. To the south cau be seen the neiehboring town of Berlin, like q toy village nestled among the hills. To the southwest, blue-green mountains with the toucn of green which spring has put on, giving the appearance of a pillow ing carpet of green. To the west more hills and stretches Of green and yellow. To the north Walnut Hill park with it's myriads of forsythia blossoms contrasting with the deeper greens Of the shrubbery. To the east, residences, but all kept up so well that they do not mar the beauty Of the scene.
 The residents round about have planted many fruit trees and flowers of all kinds and they only add to the picture a frame of blossoms 10 en- hancc the lovciness.
 To sit and gaze toward the south west al sunset is indeed rcstful to the peryes after q bustling day at work
 There are no colors to jar just the greens and russets of the faliage. the soft pinks and the whites Of the blossoms and the yellow and red of the tulips. Mother Nature surely used up her paint box when she painted such scenes and they are not far from the center of a very busy city, as New Britain really is.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

These are great days for news and inc newspaper offices are a-hum with events of tremendous import. Telegraph keys are hot and fairly melting, so fast do they yibrate; linotypcrs fingers are worn to the bone; and our supplies of ink are being exhausted by the unusual number of huge headlines. Yet the average citizen losses off these vital occurrences as a duck shakes off a few raindrops. Were he to speak truthfully of his attitude on these historic happenings, it would be somewhat as follows:
 "The Norge may or may not have crossed the Arctic wastes in safety; l am much more worried about whether I can cross Main street without mishap.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
An Urgent Case

The little man with the wrinkled clothing and several days growth Of beard rushed into the dictor's office and said: I ''understand. Dr. Pear son. that you're baby specialist" Yes" replied the doctor, what can I do for you?"
 Gan you tell me when it's safe to start spanking them ?"
 Il. B. Birdsall. Copyright, 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden.)
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Member Audit Bureau Of Circulation The $. C. is natiorsl organization wh,c, furnishes newspapers and adveT [. tisers with 8 strictly honest analysit of circulation. Our circulation etatIsueh are based upon this audit. This insures protection against fraud in newspaper distribution figures to both national and local advert leera.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
MEXICAN REBELS GIVE UP

Mexico City, May 15.-It is un- derstood that three groups of rebels, totalling 90 men, have surrendered in teh state of Guerrero. Govern ment troops have been operating there recently against scattered groups of bandits commanded by the Vidaes brothers, Minister Of War, General Amaro, has arrived at Acapul.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
Wake And Call Me Early. Mother,

Wake And CaIl Me Early, Mother'' You have 10 call 'em early. these
 modern Queens of May" Bobbed heads must be kept curly.
 makeup put on each day. The boss who calls 'em early for dic-
 tation finds they're late, Or else some boy-friend's called 'em
 to the phone to make a date!
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Correct this sentence: "Yes she's thirteen now" said the mother. but she never seems aware of the boys" Protected by Publishers Syndicate.)
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

The south-ender awoke with a sudden start, ere he'd finished his dream of pie, for 8 moan came down on the wings of the wind like a sybilant, sobbing sigh. A shriell rang out on the cool night air with agony in it's wake. There were groans that conjured up visions ga- lore of writhinS victims in pools of gore and martyrs burned Q. the stake.
 4 sound rang out in the midst of his dream, a scream like a soul in pain, like the wind whistling through the maple trees and ghosts pailing amidst the humming bees and the clanking creak of a rusty chain. There's a dire deed done, gasped the sleepy one as he bounced from his downy bed. Ere 1 get on the run the deed has been done and the victim is probably dead" Then he kicked open q door with his hob nailed boot and the rats in the hall gave a nasty scoot as the moon blinked a bloody rcd.
 From the railroad tracks came that wild, weird cry a howl like the fear of death. His flying feet raced the darkened street as the victim Jreathed his last breath.
 Then the sleeper stopped and can didly cussed when he found the cause of the row was just-that -blanked foghorn, siren, fire alarm and ear-splitting horn, whis- tie or whatnoc used on tho new gas oline coach running on the Berlin dinky line.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
Facts sandFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

The sun never sets on a Britisher al work.
 The hand that rocks the cradle never holds d cigarette.
 Too many crooks spoil darned near everything they try.
 Nothing is perfect. In a happy land the lack of issues keeps poliu- clans miserable.
 A man isn't thoroughly licked un- til he begins 10 blame Providence.
 At any rate. heavy drinking is bad for your health if your doctor does it,
 4 young doctor no longer needs a beard 10 indicate experience. He can drive a used flivver.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

The energy from one peanut will enable person 10 typrnrite 1.ooo words, sayant finds. This proba- bly, accounts for tho energy in the bleachtrs at a ball game.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Eventually people may agree on almost everything except the defini- tion of careful driving.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

They say Coolidge favors Hoover for the Presidency; but where are the ten gooI men to take over his present jobs?
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
n, fin. A.socInt,d Pres.

Member Of the Associated PresS The Associated Prers is exclusively CT titled to the uke for republication 'i all news credited 10 II or not otherW'tt credited ln thls paper and also loca' nsws published herein.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Providence, the capital Of Rhode
 Island, the state where speed in
 automobiles is required rather than forbidden, was the scene of an
 amusing experience for a New Brit
 ain autoist during the past week.
 Traffic policemen in Providence
 are required when q funeral pro.
 cession passes through the streets
 on the way 10 the cemetery, to stop all ordinary traffic and allow no
 one 10 break into or otherwise dis day, two parties of New Britain i people were in attendance at a fu- neral in the city and as they pro- ceedcd from the church where the l funeral services were held 10 the cemetery which lies over the line , in PaWtucket, they were assigned places in the line of 40 automobiles. Most Of the cars bore Rhode Is- land markers, one other a Massa- chusetts license plate, while the two Connecticut cars with their yellow and black plates were conspicuous as they passed by.
 AS the procession approached an { intersecting street in the downtown section, a big, burly traffic police- man held up both hands to other traffic and bade the line proceed. Respectfully, he touched his cap as the hearse bearing the corpse rode by and stood at attention as the re- maining cars passed his station.
 The first Connecticut car receiv- ed a doubtful glance as it crept by his post As the second Nutmeg car drew abreast. the policeman glared at the driver and shouted: Hey you! Get out of that line! Whats the matter with you, don't you see that a funeral is passing? Don't talk back 10 me. Shut up! Get out of there"
 Some say the driver Wal made to go 10 the curb. but the driver him self claims he shouted back as loud as "that cop did at me" that I'm in this line and going to this fu- neral" at which the policeman apologized and the procession pass cd on.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

You can't tell whether its patriot ism or respect for the ancient that keeps the Chinese begging away at their war.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
Where Does He Hang Hero

Artist: Are you interested in paintings, sir?"
 Business Man: "Not any more. About two years ago I married one
 Mrs. II. r. Marcus.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Still. there are enough good serv- ants to supply all who are important enough to deserve servants.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

The Herald is on sale daily in New York at Hotalings Newsstand. Times Square; schultz's NewsstsndA. Entrance Grand Central. 43nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

He isn't a confirmed" bachelor unles he has a complacent convic- ton that the girls all want him.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
TELEPHONE CALLS
 BunneEs Ofiics .... S2b Editorial Rooms .. S2o

The only profitable advertising medium. In the City. Circulation books and ,re., room al~ays open to advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
How Dare You

Lloyd; T would go to the ends of the earth for you, sweetheart" Flora; That's going just little bit too Iar."
 -Arlie Fess,
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
Strongheart the Pup
The Age of Indiscretion

IHC Agt or InulsNTtIlOn Nan: "How's granny's rheuma- tism ?''
 Jeanette: Its been bothering her some since she won that Charleston contest"
 Henry M. Henderson
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

An, well; if Darwin hadn't been born. the two kinds of people would find something else 10 quarrel about.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
GH9&s c> LM-4 Fun ch0b
 e"
 haXs0Y ExKAEL knEzs

Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care Of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded 10 New York.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Illiteracy doesn't seem such a handicap when you hear love letters read in court.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
New Jersey Man Found
 Badly Beaten in Boston

Boston, May l5 PD-Sherman T. T3fbox, 31, of Nutley. N. J., was found in a semi-conscious condition in his room in the United States ho- tel this morning. Tarbox was taken 10 a hospital suffering from a pos sible fracture of the skull. cuts about the head, face and chest and a battered left eye. His assailant escaped. The motive for the as sault has not been determined. READ THF' "EEALr I HSSIFIED
 FOR YOIR WANTS
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

savages punish themselves fear fully in the name of religion, but civilized men invented the general strike.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

One Of the late deyelopm tents Is the man who forgets where he has parked his car.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15
New Britain Herald
HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily Sunday EIcepted) At Herald Bldg. s7 Church Street
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Prohibition helps. In these arid times it takes more than a mere two bagger 10 make stranger pound you on the hat.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

The little house upon the hill has been made the subject of many a story and song. Its flower gardens, it's winding paths, it's rose trellises and the view from it's windows of the rolling meadows, are all brought to mind by the descriptions in the poem of song. Truly, the writer of such songs and stories must at some time or other, have had the pleasure of living in a house upon a hill.
 It would seem that the house must be situated way out in the country where civilization has not yet put the finishing touches to na- lures work. But one does not have to stroll miles out of the city for such locations. There are plenty of them in our own city and the writer has in mind one locality in particu-
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Premier Baldwin has settled the | British strike, but I would be hap pier if he would do the same thing for my stomach.
 An uprising in Poland may be threatening the government. That | may be serious, but how about my
 son? He won't do a thing I tell
 him and has practically created a
 rebellion in my own home.
 Suppose they do discover con tinent at the North Pole. Will that
 help me find my tire jack?
 France has settled her debt wit; the United States. but Bill Goofy hasn't paid me back that dollar he borrowed yesterday.
 'Mussolni's attitude threatens the peace of Europe, hey? Well. there be war right here in my house if my wife asks me again for a new spring hat.
 The farmers in the middlewest are very restless; well, I haven't taken off my winter f1annels vet, my self. Their restless condition is said 10 mean many Republican congress- men will lose out at the next cleo tions. For that matter. I'm afraid I won't be reelected assistant door keeper of the Grand Order of Greak Aulls.
 "The Mcxicans are taking away all rights of foreigners in their country. What gets me. though, is the way West Hartford won't let you drive through there faster than crippled snail can hobble.
 What if the world should come 10 an end suddenly tonight, you want to know? Don't make me laugh. It wouldn't worry me; wouldn't know it.
 Obesity is an all prevailing topic. She is getting fat, or should we say "pleasingly plump?" At least, that is what one of her friends, Mrs. - of Berlin told her She still retains her good looks how ever, so she has nothing much 10 worry about. Just to leave off chocolate creams and ice cream sodas for awhile.
 But that's not the point. The point iS that she is worried. In fact she is so worried that she just couldn't help telling her sympathe- tic friends about it. This would have been all right, had she used good judgment in the selection Of @ place to tell it. But she didn't. Neither did her friends. It was on Main street, at F o'clock, noon. in front Of 6 combination bakery and lunch room, where crowds were flocking for lunch. As though this in itself were not bad enough, it happened to be raining and all three carried umbrellas. Thus persons going up and down Main street were to dodge umbrellas. while those going in and out of the store were forced to duck their heads as though walking under & low awning, and man in the doorway waiting for his wife, could see nothing but and hear all about how Tat she is getting. The moral is. Umbrellas are good protection from other umbrellas in a crowd but the place 10 gossip is at home.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

What is the matter with teaching and how can its evils be cured?" asked q woman's magazine recently in an effort to get down to bedrock on question which is agitating teachers and parents. Apparently something is the matter because S. 2S3 letters were contributed to the editor and all made suggestions, many Of them unacceptable, for correcting the situation.
 Mrs. Grace I, Miller q prize win rer, of Denver. Colorado. a school teacher, explained her views as fol- lows:
 Teaching, as now constituted, is not a profession. In my opinion this is what is fundamentally wrong. Teaching differs from true profcs- sions in many ways, principally in preparation, pHrmancncy, advance ment and working conditions. Real profession may be called life work, Rarely is teaching that No matter how competent teacher is she has a contract for one year only. Re newal is dependent on will--and preiudice-of the school board"
 In addition 10 the foregoing, Mrs. Miller made II suggestions. Few of them have to do with money all though this subject is touched on too. The more important concern the relations of the teacher toward the public and school authorities. One of her strongest suggestions is: "Education of public opinion to respect the teachers calling and 10 permit her the American freedom of thought, word and deed"
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

H. who hesitatos is he who does not wear 9 straw hat.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Entered al the Post Ohice al New BntaiL AS Second ClaEs Asn Matter.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

Laws aren't necessary 10 stop speeding. Just invent tire that will shimmy even worse than the balloon.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

One nice thing about present styles is that we aren't subjected to rusty elbows in the spring.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

SUBSCRIPTION RATES SS.oo a Year.
 s2.0o Three Aonths
 15c. e Month.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

The sun never sets on a Britisher al work.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

read in court.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-15

The hand that rocks the craC never holds q cigarette.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-11-16
IMPERIAL VALLEY
HARDWARE TAKES
ON new BRANCH

Purchase of the CaruthcrS Hard
ware Go. by the imperial Valley
Hardware Co. adds another store to
the group Of eight at present oper-
atcd under the Imperial Valley
Hardware name in Imperial and
Yuma valleys. The new store was
purchased from the Caruthcrs es-
tate and is located at Somerton,
Yuma county, Arizona. II miles
southwest of Yuma in the center
of the Yuma valley.
The original Imperial Valley
Hardware store was established III
IIoltvillc in 1908 and was followed
by the opening Of one in CalcXico,
Brawlcy, FL Centre, Seclcy, lmpe-
rial. Calipatria and Yuma. When
The Yuma branch was established in
1928, it was the intention of the
company to have two stores III that
valley but the purchase of the sec
end store was deferred until the
completion of the highway because
Of excessive freight charges. The
completion of the state highway to
Yuma made the purchase Of the
Somcrton store practicable and the
Imperial Valley Hardware Co. will
now operate its own truck Se.vice
to the two Yuma Valley stores from.
the local warehouse.
The Somerton store was estab
lishcd in 1916 and carries a general
line Of hardware, household goods,
paints. sporting goods, implements
and harness. 1t has had the cXclu-
siNc Yuma county agency for the
John Deere implements for several
years and this line. which is very
popular in Yuma valley will be CON
tinurd.
The Imperial Valley Hardware
co. expects to enlarge the store, re.
paint it, add new fixtures and other
necessary improvements. They will
also add some staple furniture lines
IN order to operate it on the sanle
plan as the other eight stores Their
cndravor will be to make it com
plctc source of supply for the Yuma
valley rancher. The same sales |
force at present in the store will be
continued, with Mr.. Thompson re. !
tanning the position of manager.
According to II. P. Meyer, secre-
;ary and general manager of the :
Imperial Valley Hardware Co., the /
Yuma store has been very success, i
full, showing healthy gain in busi-
ness from month to month and wear
'c year and he feels that the Som
'rton store will be an asset TO the !
ompany as well as satisfactory
source of supply to the farmer.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-11-16

for October. Cotton is now in about
the same relative. position when
compared with pre-war prices az
corn, oats and barley during the past
year and with apples this fall.
"The farm price Of oats and bar
ley advanced in face Of o further
decline in corn prices; wheat and
rye showed small price gains. The
sharp rise in the market price Of
hogs between September and Octo-
Der - was not accompanied by a
similar advance III the farm price
as is usually the case. 1t 1t possible
that cholera losses are forcing local
buyers to discount the market price
more than is usually necessary.
While butter prices advanced
slightly, they continue at lower
level than a year ago. The farm
price of eggs advanced more sharply
! than market prices from September
- to October -. While egg prices
were higher than year ago in Sep
tembcr, they dropped below in DC
tobcr.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-11-16
Pasadena Boys
Ask Governor
To Protect Fish
By nitcd rrcSs Leased Wire

SACRAMENTO, Nov, l6,-Gov-
"tnor Richardson today received
the pleas Of two small bows of
'aSadcna TO save the lives of the
tSh along the seal beaches of
southern California.
l'hiIip l.. Monroe, aud his broth.
or, Irving, 10, of - South Roosevelt
avenue, Pasadena. were the young
stcrs whose letter received gubcr.
hat"rial attention today.
We can t go ont fishing any
more at Balboa beach or Seal beach,
h"cauSc the big seals are eating up
all the fish, the boys wrote.
'Thcy are eating about ton of
fish day. Some of them are 80
bold they come right up ON the
shore and sun themselves. Please
write and tell us what you can do
about it. -
Governor Richardson will reply
to the boys that their appeal has
been referred to the state fish and
game commission.
Imperial Valley press., 1926-11-16

M RS. BELLE DECRAF, home eco
4N nomicscounsellor,S San Francisco.
and Mrs: Kate E. Vaughn, home eco
nomlcs director, Los Angeles Express,
are two Of six famous cooks who re-
Gently participated in rigorous test of
the Perfection Stove. They cooked
mIanymeals, using every differentcook.
ing process. Then both gave us their
unbiased opinion of the Perfection.