davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

was just as useful to brides as any
muffs. guaranteed to be absolutely
conversation proof, and the sweetest
vacuum cleaners for canary bird
cages
4 MOTHER useful thing they had
was waste baskets. extra size
especially designed for the first of the
month. Also another cute article was
hand painted magnet for emptying
the pockets in husbands clothes with
out disturbing their sleep. and chat
ing dish with handles that would
chafe any hand going, even if the
bride had been a confirmed golfer.
However, I didn't decide on none
Of these in any hurry neither. Hav.
ing sunk this low in price. | felt
about to sink a little lower, the rush
had kinda got me. and l thought,
well. after all. why spend all that
money? She'll never know the differ
ence! Just lookit what nice things
they have got on the five dollar table
why person couldn't choose between
them, not IL they had only FIVE dollars
to spend anyways
On the five dollar table the things
certainly was nice. nobody reasonable
could really expect anything better
They certainly looked to be worth ten
dollars, or maybe fifteen, and after
had hesitated between a red lac
duered dishpan and a solid brass life
preserver. all Of a sudden / seen ex-
actly what I wanted. 1t was a pink
china jardiniere, as big as a washtub,
and believe you me 1t didn't look any
ayyn dS.tl as.os A,.fk,
fifteen dollars worth. II looked darn
sight nearer to the front door or $50
table. and 1t certainly made a wonder
full show for the money. There was
only two of them left and l felt, as |
give the salesgirl the money. card
and address. where nobody could ex-
pect anything finer, and / was mighty
lucky to get one before they was all
gone.
So naturally I went out and spent
the rest Of the afternoon and the rest
of the money Geo. had given me. on
account l felt / could afford to, hav-
ing been so economical, and yet dear
Miss Nothing would never know the
difference.
Well, it was quite late when / come
in the house, and there Of all things
was enormous package for me and
my plrtnday, from Miss Nothing.
Now, 1 thought. amt she the dear,
1 bet as usual 1t Is something elegant.
And when I opened it UP there was
the other pink jardiniere off Of the SIS
table. And at first I felt something
terrible to think how NOW she would
know the price of what I had sent
her. But thinking 1t over / hadder
laugh. After all the joke was on her,
on account a woman who will bluff
like that didn't deserve nothing better.
Copyright. 1921
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
When Vacation Hiking Tour Is Turned
Into Very Successful Annual Outing

an animal that gave milk" Elliott re-
torted. do you think they are Santa
claus"
Both of us had to laugh. We we're
behaving like a couple of children.
There is nothing like a hike to bring
out the hest that is IN a man.
Another 10 minutes trek" brought
us to the Manhasset station of the
Long Island Railroad.
do you realize" said Elliott. that
we could take train from here into
New York and from the same station
in New York, take a train to Atlantic
City,"
This sounded good to me as we had
now been riding shank mare" for
nearly half an hr. In little more than
another half hr. we had checked
everything but our suitcases and golf
bags in the big New York station and
were on our way to the famous Jer-
sey resort.
In two weeks we were hack at
home with a fine coat of nasal sun
burn and only the vaguest of mem
cries in regards to our summer holi-
day,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
"I don't see how you tell them with

"I don't see how you tell them with
out the apple sauce" 1 wondered.
Elliott tried to coax the bird into
joining our expedition by initiating a
ducks call, but the little chap proved
anything but ductile.
They will always follow a real
quack," said my companion. II
wished we had broughten DIR. Pulver."
1t must be explained that DIR. Pull
yer is a chiropodist here in Great
Neck and has lost 81 of his 100 pa
tients. He is not considered very
sure, especially at diagnosis. One of
his most notorious blunders was made
in the case of Emil Hoostraw, whoru
he treated for callouses of the heel
and whom it turned out was really
suffering from train sickness. The
laughable part was that when the
autopsy was performed Hoostraw's
heels were found to be perfect.
II never seen a man so well heeied,"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

everything that goes up must come
down? Sincerely,
D. POs1ToR.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS that goes up
does come down excepting a bank"
Dear Mr.. Wynn: ! have q very
dear friend. a Scotchman. who has
just gone back to Scotland. I happen
10 know that he would never spend
his own money TO 60 back. yet he has
gone. How do you think he got back?
Yours truly.
TOM KATT.
Answer-Your friend most likely
heard some one sing THE -Bluebells
Of Scotland" and It carried him back.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I know a lady
who never got married and she is now
AZ years old. j asked her why she
hadn't married and she said: why
should get married as long as i have
a parrot and a monkey" What did
she mean by that?
Sincerely.
ROME F.. OHE.
Answer-Probably her parrot swears
and her monkey Chews tobacco, and
she figures. therefore. she doesn't need
a husband.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: ! read in this
mornings paper that Congress Is try
ing to put through a bill TO compel the
Government to have nothing but fe-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

tions, you can't expect me to treat
you walked out Of the place."
"And what. happened to him." /
asked.
Died" said the doctor, in a salts.
fled tone. "Died. I've just been
filling in the certificates: So and SO,
aged such and such, died Of so and
sor'
"An awful disease" 1 murmured.
But whether or not my perplexing
medical friend is in the club. l am
nearly certain to see there my par
ticular aversion-the member who
has just finished game of bridge
and wants to talk about it. One Of
the very worst of these collared me
on my arrival the other afternoon.
He came to me in the semi.silence
room of the club.
az had o rather queer hand o.
hgidge. last nigh" he eejda. g..s.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

was the comment of DR.. Walrus. the
coroner's physician.
When he came to me, he certainly
was calloused," said DR.. Pulver in
dignantly.
Not half as careless as yourself"
rejoined DIR. Walrus. turning the
laugh on the older man.
However. the two are great cronies
off the screen, amounting almost to
an affair."
Finely firing of Elliott's farcical ef-
forts to decoy the duckling, succeed.
ed in getting him to resume our hike,
which was without incidence for the
next few yards. but as we came to the
first cross street our eyes fell athwart
an animal, which my comrade said
must be a horse as 1t was hitched up
with leather fastenings to milk
wagon.
why not a COW them" 1 asked.
Horses don't give milk
And that company wouldn't have
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

for picking up pet poodles. But while
any of them things would Of been
equally useful to Miss Nothing.
passed 'em up. on. account Geo. had
firmly decided l wouldn't spend that
much money, or even charge 1t, so
l went along on TO the $25 table.
And they certainly had stacked up
lot of handsome things there.
equally as appropriate to brides. For
a sample, there was the cutest cast
iron rolling pin. all studded with
rough turquoises. really elegant
electric fiat-iron that was made easily
detachable for throwing, and a pair
of silver bracelets or handouts, /
amt sure which. but they would of
done for use on either ladies' or gents
when 1t come to keeping them home
nights.
The only real trouble I had to find
with this table was that none of the
stuff was original enough, it was too
kinda ordinary and like what they
would be likely to buy for their own
sells. Anyways, what wanted to
send was something odd and notice
able. sos the wedding guests would
give me credit when they paraded
around looking over the loot. There
was only one thing on the $25 table
| nearly fell for and that was a
silver dill pickle warmer that really
looked as if it had come off the $50
table. But I thought, oh well, better
look a little further before I decide,
let's see what is on the SIS table.
Wen. honest, 1t was remarkable
what handsome values they had set
out a SIS, really they was Just as
handsome as the $25 stuff. If a per-
son hadn't been in the store they
would really never know the differ
ence. My, there was a statue of the
Venus de Milo, you know, the one
who's clothes are slipping and she
can't help 1t on account she hasn't
any arms? Well. there was a copy Of
it that you couldn't hardly tell from
the real thing. Also this table had
a lovely leather desk set of writing
pad and etc. The leather was that
kind, the Mumps pattern--embossed
| guess they call II. Real heavy, in a
advanced stage. and colored kinda
feVerish
But the thing l liked best was a
Dresden china fish hook platter, only
1t was breakable l figured 1t would
probably break the very first time
she threw 1t at him. if you get me-
But 1 had pretty near decided on It
When my eye caught sight of a table
a little ways along with a ten dollar
marker standing in the middle of it
like beacon light. So thought now
don't be hasty, a look in time may
save a dime.
Now believe 1t or not. the things
at ten simoleons was almost If not
every bit as handsome as the higher
priced ones at SIS. For crying out
loud. what they can't get up for a
ten spot these days! This next table
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

o the editor. ne VACATION sea
son is with us again and as
usual at this time of yr. my
mail has been full of requests
from admirers to give them
idears in regards to where to go and
what to do on their holiday. 1t looks
TO me like the most satisfactory way
to reply to the above is to write
acct of my own recess of a yr ago
assuring readers that they can do
worst than duplicate same as 1t was
most tenjoyable and interesting as
we'll as expensive vacation in all my
experience.
VIII confess at the outset that the
idear was not mine but that OF old
pal Of mine. Elliott Blufe of Trousers.
Vermont. Elliott has been employed
for the past few yrs. as hamper on
the ~ Y subway. His duties is to
hamper passengers and prospective
passengers by starting out the same
turnstile they are trying TO come In
and vice versa, getting In front or
people that are in a hurry and asking
them questions, playing he is a guard
and calling out the wrong stations.
and etc. He uses mis- own Judgment
and gets good results Elliott lives
near us and when / told him | was
going on my vacation he said he
would go with me and the next ques-
ton was where.
Listen" said Elliott, 'let us go
on a hike"
"Hike?" I repeated bewildered.
He exclaimed that hike" was just
his word for walk and when we
stopped laughing it did not take me
long to get into the spirit OF the thing
and help him with the plans. We
acted just like couple Of kids.
We started from my house on
Sunday morning in June, our packs
containing only the articles necessary
for comfort and enjoyment. Each
carried a suitcase with dinner clothes,
clean shirts, socks and underwear and
sleeping bags, a clothes hamper with
enough plain food to last a WIKI, port
able typewriter, golf bag. card table,
box springs, camera, tennis rackets.
canoe, shears and paste. and #.
shelf of books. In addition each
brought his favorite musical instru-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

A MONG the most respected of
~ my fellow members in the club
"A where I sleep in the after
4 a moons is a particularly CHEEKY
medical gentleman, whose
orte Is relating anecdotes. He no
sooner enters the club then he looks
srnilingly round through his gold rim
med glasses, seeking a victim.
His stories are told with wonderful
lash and power, except for one slight
omission. which is. that you never
inow what the doctor is talking about.
Beyond this, his little stories are of
unsurpa ssed intereSt-but let me Illus
rate.
He came into the semi-silence room
If the club the other day and sat
down beside me.
''IIave something or other?" he said.
mo, thanks" I answered.
'Smoke anything?" he asked.
"No, thanks"
The doctor turned towards me. He
Evidently wanted to talk.
"I've been having a rather peculiar
Experience" he said. Man came to
+ne the other day-three or four weeks
ago-and said. Doctor, 1 feel out of
sort. / believe I've got so and So
Ah,' / said, taking look at him,
8 been eating so and so, eh?' Yes he
f said. Very good l said, take so
stnd So
well, off the fellow went. I
| bought nothing of it-simply wrote
such and such in my notebook, such
nd such. a date. symptoms such and
such, prescribed such and such, and
go forth, you understand"
'Oh, yes. perfectly, DOCTOR" I
answered.
every good. Three days later-a
! -.ng at the bell in the evening. My
servant came to the surgery. Mr..
| SO and So is here. Very anxious to
see YOU All right" l went down.
There he was, with every symptom of
so and so written all over him--every
symptom of it-this and this and
This
awful symptoms, DOCTOR" I said
shaking my head.
Are they mott" he said.
There he was with every symptom,
|heart so and so, eyes so and so. pulse
this. / looked at him right in the
eve and I said. DO you want me to
SteN you the TRUTH Yes he said.
Ferry good ! answered, L will.
you've got so and So
He fell back as if shot. so and
SOP he repeated. daZed. went to
the. sidebQara and .pouredz him out a.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
Making Tests of Diamonds.
IMITATION gems have increased to

IMITATION gems have increased to
such an extent during the last
few years that experts seldom rely on
one examination to determine their
character. but resort to a five-way
test. The steps are simple. says Pop
,llar Mechanics, and the practiced per-
son can perform them in 10 minutes.
The first is the inspection of the
facets. To do this, genuine stone is
compared with the one being studied,
and it is generally found that the fake
has facets more accurate than. those
of the real one. because the manufac-
turers take extra care with the grind
ing and polishing of the imitation
gem. In the brilliancy test, which fol-
lows, a gem that is faxed is found to
have less sparkle than real one. This
Ii determined by dropping the stone
under susp{cion into bowl Of water.
Il it IN q Natural G9zns.tt Nill saliateu.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

through the liquid, but an imitation
diamond loses it's flash.
The third step is known as the glob-
ule test. A drop Of water is placed
upon the gems face and is then
touched with the point Of sharp pen
Gil. Ii the stone Ia genuine, the drop
of water keeps its form while on the
faxed one the globule is broken up
and spreads Next is the dot method
This consists in looking through the
stone at a black spot on piece Of
paper or other white surface. IL the
dot appears in any way blurred, the
stone is held out for further tests.
The final and most conclusive part
of the ordeal is the marking test In
diamonds. the degree Of hardness
counts for much. file will run
smoothly over genuine stone and
leave no trace, but the best limitations
fail here, for they cannot stand the
Itrestnent without beipE nisrTeds :.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
Odd Characters Queer Questions and Answers and Unique Tou
Difference Between Genius and Talent
Disclosed When Pay Day Comes Along
BY ED WYNN.

~ EAR Mr.. Wynn--Would you
be kind enough to settle an
argument between my wife
~ and me? I say person with
great talent and q genius are
one and the same thing, while my
wife says there is a vast difference
between the two. Who Is right. and
why? Yours truly.
WRIGHT INGPAD.
Answer-Your wife is right. The
difference between talent and genius
is that talent gets paid every Satur-
day.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I have read a
great deal about beauty doctors ana
so-called face lifters. Can you tell me
the best way for an aging woman to
keep "her good-looking youth?
B. u. TEEFULL.
Answer--The best way for woman
to keep her youth" is not to intro.
duce him" to any other women.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I am a hoy II
years Of age and have just entered an
essay competition. There are two
subjects to he written about. one is
"Grasshopper'' and the other Is
Grass Widow" Are these subjects
alike, or are they different, and why?
Sincerely,
X. AMPLE.
Answer-They are exactly alike, be-
cause they'll both jump at the nrst
chance.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: / am president OF
a debating society. and on next Satur-
day we are TO debate the following
subject, "Who Do the Silliest Things,
Men or Women" 1t would help us
considerably If you would tell me the
silliest thing you ever saw man do.
VIII you tell me?
Yours truly.
OPHEIIA SORE.
Answer-The silliest thing | ever
saw a man do was one day in the post
office saw this man wait around
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

ments, Elliott harp and trap drums
and myself bass viol and tuba. We
acted Just like couple Of kids and
even my wife smiled at us as we set
out, though it was perhaps the smile
that hides a tear.
1.-THE main thing to remember on
hike said Elliott. lis to take an
interest in Nature. We mustn't pass
no beautiful tree or bird without dis
gushing same and night times we
must lay on our back and study the
stars"
Hardly was the words out of his
mouth when we passed beautiful
bird which Elliott identified ~ Long
lalend -duekiings -..,......s.,ase,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
drink of such and such. Drink this,

drink of such and such. Drink this
| said. He drank it.
"'Now, 1 said, listen to what /
say. You've got so and so. There's
only one Chance said, you must
limit yous eating and drinking to such
and such, you must sleep such and
such, avoid every form of such and
such. I'll give you a cordial, SO many
drops every so long, but, mind you.
unless you do so and so, it won't help
you All right, very good Fellow
promised. OF he went
The doctor paused a minute and
then resumed:
Would you believe it. two nights
later | saw the fellow, after the
theater, in restaurant; a whole party
of people; big plate of so and so in
front of him; quart bottle of so and
so on ice--such and such and so
forth. 1 stepped over to him, tapped
him on the shoulder. Sea here
said IT Yaa Won't ahaX s-instruQ-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

the only blushers. Why, the details
are such that my mother, if she was
living, would certainly and without
any doubt at all read every word of
them, look at all tne pictures and
wisht she could of had the same.
Well, anyways, the brides get not
alone terrible lot of publicity, but
the papers is also full of advice to
their friends concerning what to give
'em, and our local Emporium was
not behind. This bay / started out
on the painful duty of buying some
thing nice for another woman's house,
the Emporium had a big ad about
their gift dept.
Everything the June Bride Can
Exchange.
Gifts for the new hostess, in our
gift shop, especially chosen to suit
all purses, by our expert chooser, ii S
gift with him.
Bridal pearls. from $19S up. Since
time fmmemorial pearls have been
the ideal gift for the bride, but pearls
mean tears. so why not a string of
imitation pearls? We have every
thing from the most modest soup
strainer to diamond mounted umbrella
stands. Everything arranged in
groops. Groop your way about our
special tables. Gifts as low as $3.50
and as high as what have you"
Hot Bozo. | headed straight for
that dept. and when l arrove l GER
tainly had to admire the way the
place was arranged-so simple it
would confuse the best judgment in
the world.
TO commence with. the goods con-
sidered suitable for wedding
presents was arranged on different
tables, see, each table with sign on
it to the effect. ANY article on this
table, $50" And the further person
walked in. the lower the price got.
All the customer hadder do was guess
what the objects on the table was,
point 1t out to the clerk and give
him the brides address and the
money. And the first impression I
got was, oh my. what beautiful
things. maybe 1 wouldn't like to try
'em all for my own personal home,
Hot BozO, it's conner he cinCh
to pick out something handsome here.
I'll send Miss Nothing q absolute
knockout without no trouble at all.
SO 1 walked first up to the 500 table,
not that l had any intention to buy
off of it. but that ] thought 1 would
Just look it over.
Well. there certainly was some
handsome stuff parked there. There
was lamps of every denomination.
There was vases and varses, both,
china dogs and Venetian glass bath.
tubs. Also gold enameled cuspidors,
plush lined coal hods for Winter use
during coal strikes. and the loveliest
pair of handwrought brass dog -tongs,
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
Twas Ever So.

When Noah sailed the ocean blue
lie had his troubles same as YOU
For days and DAYS he drove the ark
Before he found & place TO park
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

for two hours, and the minute he saw
the postal clerk turn his back he
pushed four letters into the box with
out stamps, thinking he was saving
the postage.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: Is 1t true that
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
BY RING IARDNER.

40 the editor: The vacation sea
son is with us again and as
usual at this time of yr. my
mail has been full of requests
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27
to the Call: "Your Presents
Are Requested at the Marriage Ceremony
BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM.

A S RICHARD WAGNER. the
"A bay who wrote the most IA
"A nous chain gang song in TIE
- a world, you know, the one they
q Ii rob the aisle To once
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-06-27

A MONG the most respected of
~ my fellow members in the club
"A where l sleep I'm the after
( a moons is a particularly CHEEKY
, 1926-05-05
Big GARDEN PARTY
GIVEN TO SENIORS

In the gymnasium, transformed in
to a veritable garden, the Junior
Senior banquet was given Saturday
evening. A square canopy of green
lattice work from which huge wister-
ia, butterflies and roses with a large
May pole in the center under it, gave
a charming effect. The door was a
trellis work of green with roses grow
ing on it, and butterflies resting near
them. At one end of the room were
two owls dressed in graduation caps
and gowns and holding diplomas I'M
der their wings.
On each table stood a small May
pole, made of a candle with ribbon
streamers leading out to ballet dolls
dressed in dainty colors to correspond
with the decorations, and small green
nut baskets were placed beside them.
The dinner was served by the
Methodist ladies and much credit is
due them for the wonderful meal
they prepared. Immediately follow
ing the banquet the toast program
was held. in the form of Mon Bou-
quet, a collection of the choicest bios
SONS from our garden. Jane Carlow
was toastmistress; the address of well
come was given by Raymond Ahlberg.
Leona Oeland responded for the SEN
iors with the flower pansy for thots.
The next toast was on the daisy
meaning simplicity given by Carla
Wagar. The sweet pea was the next
blossom, given by Alden Ingraham.
Louise Hardin talked on the violet
for modesty. Hester Wiltse gave a
very fitting talk on the rose. the enl-
blem of love. The next blossom, by
Edward Black, the four-leaf clover,
meaning ambition. The closing toast,
given by Harold Kilian, on the for
get-me-not, for remembrance. was a
prophetic of the students. During
the program corsages were given to
the Seniors and the faculty members.
Credit must be given to Miss Kohl
myer and Miss Shriver for much of
the success of the banquet. The Jun
iors worked hard and they were well
pleased with the results. There were
seventy-siX places set - twenty-nine
Seniors, fifteen faculty members and
guests, and thirty-two Juniors.
The remaing high school students
and faculty were invited to dance aft
err the banquet. Harrison's orchestra
furnished the music.