davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

The point that I am trying to
make is that all humorists are
serious people at heart. The
fact that they have TO be con-
tinualIy funny makes them so.
They realize that hunor il re-
garded lightly; that a joke,
to be worth while, must have
depth and vitality. Basically
their humor contains these quail
ties, and knowing it they en-
deaver to bring it out in serious
material, where it will be appre-
eiated. Generally they fail. for
they know only the field of COM
edy. The path of the drama, the
tragic, is new to them, and they
stumble and fall.
Thinking up jokes Is no easy
task. I'm sorry ever started. l
was playing in vaudeville and
one night put a gag Of my own
in the act extemporaneously. 1t
went over big, and spoiled cue.
and 'Chico" almost killed me.
However, my vanity was pleased,
and as I thought of more added
them to the act. Soon I started
to contribute wise cracks" 20
humorous weeklfes and the
coIumnists. It was then that my
brothers and I thought that We
could arrange our own act.
was using mostly my own ma
terial. OF course "Harpo" didn't
need any line. AS for "Chico"
and "Zeppo," their main work is
what is known as the business.
That was how it started.
Writing humor is mostly the re-
suit of habit After you do it for
q while you just can't get away
from it, and you feel i'll at ease
when you are not doing 1t, al
though you may hate it. After
time good jokes begin to occur to
YOU. Then there is what is
known as the wise crack" on
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

current topics. This is obtained
by following the newspapers and
twisting a current event. This
work makes humorist wide
awake fellow.
As soon as ii man becomes
known as d comedian he becomes
q slave to his own humor. Every.
one believes that he must be
funny at all times, and he tries
to live up to their expectations.
AS for myself, I am always try.
ing to think OF new and better
jokes. There is not a perform
ance that do not add at least
one new joke. I have received
several tempting offers to con.
duct a humor column, but so far
have refused them all. / realize
how difficult 1t is to be funny
and believe that the place for
me to be funny is on the stage.
There I do not have to have new
material for every performance
and my voice and mannerism add
to the comedy. Conducting a
column l would not have these,
and I would have to be funny
in cold type and far too often to
suit me.
Yes, sir, this business of being
funny is far too serious. Under.
taking is far more cheerful. And
/ hear that humorists seldom die
of old age. The strain is too
much for them.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
KISS IN A TAXI''
TO FOLLOW
GLORY

Funnier than Twin Beds" or
Getting Gertie's Garter" is the
farce. "A Kiss in a Taxi" which
the President Players viii offer
following what Price Glory"
This comic enlargement Of the
events Detailing a. flirtatiods
French banker, who finds himself
the foster father OF little sprite'
from the Montmartre district, APP
peared here at the Belasco late
last spring with Arthur Byron,
Janet Beecher and Claudette Col
bert. AL H. Woods found 1t one
OF his most profitable ventures OF
the season.
The piece IS built on broad far
cical lines, concerning itself with
q maze of entanglementS resulting
from a rather innocent gesture by
the aforesaid banker. Outright
hilarity ensues by appearance on
the scene of a dizzy author, who
is actually in love with the little
cafe girl. This youngster is the.
innocent cause Of all the trouble,
which dates from the time the
bankers wife adopts her.
Leona Powers, Walter Gilbert.
J. Frank Charlton and others Of
the Players all find congenial
roles. In these two opening
plays. What Price Glery" and
"A Kiss in a Taxi" the Players
tackle the extremes In entertain
ment, the first being an emo
tional drama and the second an
airy and hilarious piece which de-
ponds on the speeCliest kind OF
acting for 8 proper presentation.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
AND GEORGE AND
A LIMPID SETTING

The reason for the difference
various pictures on the screen
quality of direction displayed in
fine love moment in current mot
in Bigger Than Barnum's," the
to the Rialto tomorrow.
The direction is contributed by
one of the outstanding cinema
artists of the megaphone. Ralph
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
UNEDITED FILM
OF GLORY" 100
1. MILES LONG !.

Some idea Of the task which
confronts Raoul Walsh in editing
the film version of What Price
Glory" can be had from the In.
formation that the footage which
was run up, on the production
amounts to just a little more
than 100 miles. Just for one
look at all the reels, Walsh had
TO sit in the projection room for
ten consecutive days Of IL hours
each. When it is considered
that he has to run through this
footage a number of times in
order to select a final version Of
''What Price Glory" 1t is easy
10 understand why directors must
have good constitutions.
Sitting with Walsh is Salvatore
"A. Capodice. World War hero
who was wounded seventeen
times, losing d leg in the engage
ment OF Belleau Wood where
Laurence Stallings was similarly
wounded. Capodice was with the
Elxty-seventh Company. Fifth
Regiment. United States Marines.
He has been technical adviser to
Walsh from the time Walsh be-
gan work on What Price
Glory in order to make sure
about details which are bound to
be scrutinized by men who fought
overseas.
The elimination OF material for
building up the story Is com.
paratively easy as the Fox yer.
sion Of what Price Glory" will
follow strictly the drama written
by Laurence Stallings and Max
well Anderson. Walsh's difficulty
8 to select the best Of the ex-
eerior shots.
No plans have yet been an
Mounced by Fox Films for the
showing OF "What Price Glory"
In the east. The world premiere
will take place in the Carthay
Circle Theater. Los Angeles, some
time next month.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

time since the war. In Moscow,
100, 900 people welcomed them
to Russia, and no bombs were
thrown.
Now that the stars are home
they have announced their inten-
ton of going to work. The death
of Rudolph Valentino disarranged
the production schedule Of the
United Artists, making it neces-
sary for Mary and Doug to aban.
don their contemplated Oriental
tour. Neither knows. however.
what the next production viii be.
Theoretically speaking, they are
all dressed up with no place to go.
Each is eager to start work, but
neither has vehicle.
II have several ideas IN mind,
said Doug, but ] haven't the
slightest idea which will de-
yelop.''
THE first thing I will do" said
Mary, lis read everything that
has been submitted for my con-
sideration. Also / will give
thought to several ideas Of NV
own. j hope. to make at least
4DuT pEUuuctIOHS 8WlAHUuL kup-
ton, once get started.
The first thing the stars did
upon their return was to visit the
new home Of Mrs. Charlotte Pick
ford, Mary's mother. which was
erected and completely furnished
while Mrs. Pickford was abroad.
The home Is located in Beverly
Hills, and was rushed to compile
ton as a birthday present for
Mary's mother. 1t will be one of
the show places OF southern Cali
fornia, representing a fine exam
pie of Italian architecture.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
al D. G. Author

Within q week Ii conformity
with his fixed principle Of intro
ducing all worthy compositions
submitted to him by Washington
writer's Of music. Daniel Breeskin.
conductor of the symphony or
chestra 1T Crandalrs Metropoll-
tan Theater. will INTRODUCES new
number entitled II You But
Knew written by Isabel g.
Lol1r, which viii form an impor-
tant part of the musical accom-
paniInent Of Colleen Moore's new
starring vehicle, It Must 30
Love. Z
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

in convincing love scenes among
seems to be connected with the
their making. An example Of q
on pictures is said to be furnished
picture Of circus life, which comes
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

Viola Dana and George o'Hara
is made outstanding. O'Hara win
be remembered for his splendid
role in THE Sea Beast" and 1t
seems that his technique as far
as love making Is concerned was
greatly EXCHANGED by his partici.
patton in the fine love scenes Of
that production. Viola displays
neat picture in setting Of soft
rural beauty, with waving
branches OF trees and Hmpid pool
thrilling a little song Of peace
and Joy at their feet.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

Ince, and Is subt1y and temper
ately handled; while the acting of
two weIl-known screen luminaries,
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
No Stranger

Walter Gilbert. new leading
man of the President Players,
appeared in Washington late last
spring in Cobra" For years
he has been an outstanding
stock favorite in Boston. He
will play First Sergeant Quirt
in the opening bill, What Price
Glory
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
Chesapeake Beach

Chesapeake Beach still has Its
flag flying and Is doing business
at the old stand, the customers
being chiefly those in quest Of
''feesh. Daily trains are rune
Ming, hotels and eating places
are open, summer pep Is evident
on every hand. The first OF
series of four Sunday fishing
excursions viii be held tomorrow,
under direction OF Captain Noah
b. Hazard. veteran boatman and
fishing expert. Al special train
will leave the District Line at
$50 b. m. Prizes are offered.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18

dominant figure In the motion
picture Industry. Mr.. Schencks
who also produces the Norma
and Constance TaITnadge pictures
and Is the chairman Of the board
of directors az United Artists,
seldom INDUCES In grandiloq
phrases. But ne does not hesi.
tate to brand Battling Butler
az Busters greatest comedy
triumph and recommends II with
ont reserve
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
Child Sessions Oct. 80

1t is announced by Harriet
Hawley Locher, director of the
public service and educational de-
partment of the Stanley Crandall
Theaters, that the special pro-
grams for children to be given. on
Saturday mornings in the TivoM
and Chevy Chase theaters will
be inaugurated for the new sea-
son on October 30.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
Schenck Approves

Buster Keaton's new super
comedy, Battling Butler" which
comes to the Strand Sunday, was
produced by Joseph M. Schenck
for Metro-G oldwyn release. al
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
THE SERIOUS SIDE OF
BEING FUNNY
81 GROUCHO MARX

Every comedian time desires play Hamlet
Every humorous eOlunst has in the bottom Of his trunk tragic
play that day hopes produced
comedians play Hamlet few Of these plays produced
Perhan is for The hest
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-09-18
Greater Movie Season? Why It's the Greatest
AND DOUG NOW
KEEN FOR WORK

Mary and Doug After months Of travel they
have returned to Hollywood having feed In Of the
cities considerable sensation To honor them
Berlin, being
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

son who had Gaelic blood could have
sympathlzed so instantly and so gen
erously with q strangers grief.
THAT will have been the great sad
ness upon you" she cried In the odd
way that the Highland Scots have of
using English. "Oh. sir. your woe will
have been deepl So far from his own
home !"
Yes assented; and he an exile.
too"
IAN. exilef"
She leaned toward me. her eyes like
stars.
you win be one Of the Good
People,"
did not answer her, too confused
In my wits to know what to say; and
suddenly my confusion spread to her.
TT Is wild ! am talking. sir~ she
exclaimed. Never heed my words.
Sure. who would be trusting his
hearts blood to the stranger that
stepped In his path7''
81 think l would trust mine to you"
I answered boldly
She smiled family.
From your manner you would be
no EnglIshman. sir. saying such pretty
things without consideration"
Il have been long out OF England"
Then your SOrrOw VIII not be so
great for parting with all you have
held dear. Lucky Is your lot"
You have never been to America r.
/ asked.
Il had never been out Of Scotland
until came south to take ship today.
An. SIR. there is a great sorrow at
my heart for the country love-.
We said nothing while you might
have counted ten. and in the silence
she looked away from me.
And you go with us TO New York;"
asked fatuously.
Her eyes danced with a CLINT OF
humOr.
pray. sir. viii there be any other
place In the ocean,
! laughed
my name" began-and then
stopped abruptly.
My name at present was William
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

Travelling investigators claim the
English women have VIGOROUSLY rat
ankles, even the young women losing
all beauty lines on that portion OF
her anatomy early in life II. indeed,
she ever had that treasure In her pos
session. So an Inventive designer
over there has brought ont camou-
tagged hose. the clever feature Of the
World war being used to help the
English woman make her anAIes ap-
pear to be less huge and unwieldy
than they really are, and the wise In
ventor CLAMPS. with confidence in his
advertising, bis new Hose will make
the latest ankle appear trim, sylph-
like and graceful. The art OF camou-
nage IL wrought by haRd-painted
shadows on either side OF the ankle,
making longitude appear pronounced
while breadth OF beam Is made to APP
pear less than 1t really is.-ohIo State
Journal.
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

Java coffee Is renowned the world
over-In the bean. In the cup. rs
served in the Dutch tropical posses
sIons. II Is q frightful trayesty on cof-
Zee. writes Samuel @. Blythe in the
Saturday Evening Post
They roast the bean until It Is al
most burned, and grind IT, Then they
let water drip through II or employ
some other occult process. and pro
duce a black. thick. acrid mixture
they call coffee essence Thls Ia
served cold IN a little pitcher, with q
larger pitcher Of hot water The plot
"a 10 pour some Of The essence into
your cup. aii the cup with the hot
water and rerel In the murky com
DlnafiOn.
IL doesn't taats ike coKes. Il
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

IOnship he could enjoy. he knew she
was q refined and an educated girl
Refinement was written in every mo
ton Of her body, and education and
understanding In her features. she
loved pleasure. He could see that,
too. Her natty sports costume told
that plainly.
The train rolled on. The tunnels
were passed. Suddenly JackS grew
more courageous and ventured:
You've been having q good time, !
see"
Il have, indeed" she replied; and
every lntonatIon and infection bespoke
the lady.
Perhaps Jacks appearance be-
tokened a relatively high. social train
ing. There was no fear or apprehen-
sion In her voice. "Just the loveliest
time, she continued, "a holiday house
party on the Hudson. And what could
have been more fun I"
Jack learned then Of the skating.
skiing. tobogganing and a score OF
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

other winter-time pleasures which the
girl had enjoyed
''She has had q good time, I should
say" he thought to himself, after an
other look in which he studied her
carefully, almost analytically, "and
she has helped to give a good time,
too. I'll warrant"
The train sped on. Conversation
Jagged, and both dozed. CindeEs rat
tied down upon the car roof with the
patter OF brisk April shower.
Suddenly the girl turned toward
Jack with a startled expression upon
her face and the query lis II rain
ing9"
Jack peered through the dirty pane.
He could not determine. Il believe
not" he replied
The train sped on. Conversation
became easier between the two. They
felt as If they could be friends, If
they were not already. The girl spoke
more freely and fiuently than the
man. But then--it's a habit women
have. When there's anything at all
to talk about they viii relate It in an
interesting way-when there isn't they
can talk about that, too. They have !
the genius Anyway. she ratified along.
her eyes lighting up with interest She
had had a good time. Jack knew by
the incidents she related and the ray
OF pleasure IN her voice as she spoke.
81 was expected home In Philadel-
phia." she said. con the train leaving
New York at six o'clock. Father and
Brother were to meet me. Perhaps
they're still waitingl" she exclaimed.
/ hope not"
"She told OF the good time she and
q large crowd OF friends had enjoyed
on the snow-clad hills above Newburg.
of coastlng parties. and skating. and |
Of dances that followed. She ex-
planned how. missing an earlier train,
she had run over to Brooklyn to visit
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

an aunt and uncle, and how. because
OF this, she had missed still another
train.
Now she was troubled. Could Fa
Their and Brother be. waiting yet--al
these long hours-at the station FOL
herr Her bosom heayed with a sigh
would they scold herr" she won
dered. OF course, they must be an
noyed. but would they understand
She feared they might not She be-
came restless. AS the train neared
the station she became more 10.
When the train slowed, preparatory
to making It's stop, she smiled at her
travelling companion. remarked some
thing about the monotony Of q tire
come journey being broken by her
meeting him, picked up her neat bum
die Of sporting paraphernalia, In
GLIDING her new hockey stick. and
passed out.
AS she stood on the platform walt
Ing for an elderly couple TO precede
her. she gave another look back to-
waSds Jack; their eyes met In 9 sort
OF understanding. and she passed out
to the dImly lighted station platform.
.
There" he unused. goes g flns girl.
and one would like to know" They
had not exchanged names or told any
thIag intimate about themselves. Pro
Driety had prevented that, and Jack
felt saHe-fhsE beth ed. n. Saet--that
they would never again meet.
II Is a small world. Often in it's rev.
oIutions the spot falls on the same
actors. One scarcely dare think. let
alone say; II will never see him or
her again" As soon say when you
cast your dice; ut will never fall
with a six up." It will. You cannot
say where, but you know that II will
fall that way some time again.
Jack didn't know this then, but
months afterward. as guest at house
party IN the Poeonos. he looked into
face that seemed very familiar. ST.
there was sign Of rec
ognItiOn and an expression Of glad
ness.
We win not carry the story further.
The reader knows what happens un-
der such circumstances. when youth |
meets youth with q complete under
standing. There may be tiny differ
snces in expression, but the chief incl
ients in the chapters are similar.
It was the outgrowth Of Christ
mas journey, but # brought to Jack
he beginning OF one Of his happiest
New Years.
Ca 1895. western Newspaper Uniou-S
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

cabin But I raised my hand lnvol-
UNFAIRLY In a gesture OF appeal.
Il am surry." I went on quickly. Il
did not mean to be rude. IL could
not help It."
She regarded me gravely. evidently
puzzled by the incongruousness Of my
voice and my plowboy garments. ~
you are neyer Scots. slr7" she an
swered finally.
"NO. but / know Scotland"
A light -dawned In her eyes with the
words.
"Ah. then you Will be knowing the
song that sangl Iochaber No More
tbs called, and a bitter lament OF ex-
lies out OF their own homeland
mo. never heard II before-but
have a brother buried on hillside far
north Of Lochaber. In the Clan Donald
country"
The sorrow that came into her face
was beautiful to see. None but q per-
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

Joe Poppitous and Sam Acidophol-
Gus got into a philosophical argument
In the rear room OF the formers res
taurant.
'T'li tell you what wen do sue-
gested Joe. when It became evident
that they couldn't settle the matter.
wen call up Socrates and accept
whatever he says. Do you agrae7"
Fair enough" agreed Sam. 60
ahead and call him up
"What ia his number ?"
II don't know exactly, but he's on
the Hemlock exchange"
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09
PRECEDING CHAPTERS

Harry Ormerod. long prescribed
traitor to King George as a Stu
art partisan, returning from
France to London rescues Alder
man Robert JuEginB from band
OF Rssasslns. Juggins proves TO
be the grandson Of a former
steward Of 0rmerodss father. to
whom Juggins feels himself In
debted. Ormerod tells Jugglns
he has abandoned the Stuart
cause. Jugglns informs Ormerod
OF a Jacobite plot in the Ameri-
can colonies to weaken England
by forwarding French interests.
At its head Is Andrew Murray. a
Scotsman, and n Frenchmans De
Veulle, deadly enemy OF Ormerod.
The two are In London further
ing their schemes. Anticipating
the plotters' early return to
America. Juggins arranges for
Ormerod to go there with letters
to Governor Burnet. friend of
Juggins. and work 10 foil MUIR
ray Disguised as Juggins. serv-
ant. Ormerod arranges to take
passage TO America.
Belt Valley times. [volume] (Armington, Mont.) 1894-1977, 1926-12-09

i
W iron rails and a burr and pres
sure on the ears, as long train
Inbound from Boston. entered the tun,
mel and made its way to the great
terminal at Thlrty-third street. AS ia
always the case Immediately before OF
after Christmas. the cars were crowd
ed with persons going to their homes
or coming from some big holiday cele-
bration and. as Is also the case al
such times, everyone was In good hu-
NOR.
AS the door swung open and red
capped porters met the heavily loaded
travellers, there was the rush of g
great, sweeping crowd past Jack Del
mer, as he stood moment waiting to
get hls direction. He looked up. II
was but a moment he had paused. He
must go with the crowd-must follow
them. Soon he had traversed the long
platform, assembled flight Of stairs
to another train level. and found him
self seated again In a great steel
coach.
Passengers were coming on rapidly.
Men, women and children were in the
crowd. There we're the well-do-do
Tor apparently sol as well as the poor
ly clad But in spite Of class or con-
dltlon, or age, the holiday spirit was
still present with the crowd. But
for that spirit, OF course. there might
have been friction and pickering and
dissension among the crowd.
A man with a sense Of humor and
something Of a tinge OF irreverence
once remarked that God could under
stand men. He was sure OF that.
But he doubted that He could under
stand a whole car full OF them.
1t was asmotley crowd, 1t Is true.
One wondered. naturally, whence they
came and whittier they were going
At last, the car was about full. It
was but one minute to starting time
The sound OF the testing Of air brakes
was heard. Conductors, brakemen and
porters stood ready when the signal
was given, to come aboard. close the
vestibule doors and take their places.
Just as the words "all aboard" were
heard along the line. young woman
entered the car. She had raced for
the train and was out Of breath. She
was not flustered or perturbed. how
ever. She stood In the aisle when
the train started and looked toward
the rear. Jack wondered where she
would gravitate.
Every seat in the car, save hts, as
far as he could see, had its quota OF
two. She had passed this.
Jack instinctively said to himself:
wish she'd come here. I'd much
rather sit with a nice looking girl next
me than have some crude foreigner,
reeking with the smell Of onions, as
a seatmate for the next three or four
hours"
His Intentions were good. He was
merely being honest with himself
Suddenly the girl turned. A pair Of
quick. bright brown eyes detected the
vacant sent. and the girl moved 90
ward n Jacks eyes were as quick
rs hers. In a first glance he surveyed |
The girl. from head to foot AS she
seated herself calmly beside him, he
.ould have made an inventory Of most
If her wardrobe and belongings. He
didn't miss the skating boots and
skates and the fne hockey stick she
lad with her. How could he In
Itinctively he sepsed that the young
woman was the kind whose compan-