New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1926-09-04
THE OBSER YER
Makes Random Observations
On the City and Its People

1.-THE direction of your best brown
suit. Three cars ahead you find
seat that has no children in the i'm
mediate vicinity. You sit and unfurl
once more.
You are just pulling into the next
station and rushing horde scram-
bles into the car. Cries of Here's
ore, nominal" Jimmy, take Alice
over to that seat near the door" and
the shouted EXPLANATIONS Of tall
dark foreign looking gentleman to
the general effect that "Yop Hal
lonee com siminscara," pierce the
smoky air of the car, and the mob
pours down the aisle, pausing how
ever, to swing their bags with a
smart upward movement that brings
a corner into the middle of your
eight dollar fall hat.
The train potts forward, a stout
woman with two telescope bags falls
ney continues. You try to read but
the printed page jumps with the
steady culver of the train and at the
next station you find that the head
ing you been been endeavoring to
digest was only Another Swimmer
.Conquers Channel"
The train roars on and the con-
ductor continues his argument with
the snappish lacy three seats ahead
pleading that honest and true lady,
this train doesn't go to Providence,
honest madame it goes to New York
by way of New Haven / don't care
what they said at the information
desk this is the New York train and
you'll have to change at New Haven,
yes ma'am, New York. No madam
this train does not 60 straight to
Providence. You'll have to take the
Providence train at New Haven. No
ma'am" :. :. and so on to a little
this side of Stamford.
If excitement be needed trip to
the water cooler furnishes a pleas
ant combination Of steeple chasing,
low hurdles, ice skating, football and
surf bathing, You arise, waver dam
gerously with the roll of the train,
and start your urney to the farther
end of the car. Odds quoted among
the foremost gamblers as to the
chances of making the trip and re-
turn unbowed and still dignified are
81 to /. These odds have been in
creased since the invention of the air
brake and its quick stops.
You stumble up the aisle, EMU
altng a tight rope walker in an eff
fort 20 stay between the seats as
you journey towards the precious
little red tank with its shining brass
fittings and cup holder that will be
sure 10 be empty when you arrive.
Five seats down you fall into the
editorial section of the Philadelphia
Ledger held by an old gentleman
with nasty temper. Three seats
away from the tank you step on
somebody's foot and as you are ap-
ologizing you are thrown against
the tank itself by a sudden lurch of
the train. You cling to 1t gratefully
and heave a sigh of relief when you
see the paper cup holders trimming
with cups. On this trip the directors
of such matters have elected to give
their patrons plenty Of cups. They
have also elected to omit filling the
water cooler thus scoring four points
for the railroad company in the old
cid game of railroad VS.. passenger
The news butcher is also an inter-
esting feature of the trip. Always ar
irving at your seat just as the train
is pulling out of the station where
in he dwells, he listens respectfully
to your request for a pack of cigar
cites, hurriedly throws in your lap
two chocolate bars,sa copy Of mag
azine, one eye shade and cheese
sandwich, TAXI in the mean time,
your dollar bill with his free hand,
and deaf to your feeble protests, dis
appears after low bow. No one can
be found who has ever encountered
a train 10y at any time other than
when the train is starting out OF the
station and it is whispered that the
engineer splits commissions with
him and makes several false starts
that give the bandits opportunity to
appear in a hurry.
Oh yes, we were going to give the
rule Of etiquette that covers all OF
these problems. Well here it is, COM
piled after extensive search of the
situations that confront train riders
always use an automobile.
A recent report that the State Fish
and Game board had sent an allot-
ment of 1900 trout to the local Fish
and Game association to be planted
in streams about the city and neighr
boring towns makes one wonder
what would happen il all the 1soo
members of the association decided
to go fishing at the same time. Pro-
yiding each member caught the
same amount of trout there would be
approximately SIS fish per person.
Figure it out for yourself and see
| lust how much fun there would be IN
catching less than three quarters OF
fish. Perhaps the gills, eyelashes'
spe r1les or other important items IN
the makeup of trout would be
missing.
| OF course It is the most improbab-
| w idea that all would go fishing at
the same time but just supposing
thew did. There would most likely
have to be another miracle of the
loaves and fishes (minus the loaves)
| :. .l., +o have enough to go