Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-07-18
Autobiography and Social Practice in the Weeks Hunor
Social Advantages Are Of Many Kinds
When Chance Puts Them to Final Test
By NINA WILCOX FUTNlAM.

. By NINA WILCOX FUTNAM.
A S the late Mr.. Hcmsr. the great
Sa Tsin pau I, Dis Ns 4 HssS e e s ss
n ting 50 corrupt II ,rst the soIks there
amt got q thing left to look
lJu 70 except the Woolworth Building. :"
And how true that IS, especially
w31axe society leaders Is concerned.
4 certainly come home to me while
ago when that wealthy and fashion.
able Mrs. j. Upperlip Whoosis en-
tered the life Of I and George, that's
my husband.
OF course. there are q whole lot OF
people who would readily admit to
belonging to the first families If ac-
cused Of the same. but Mrs. Whoosis
wasn't in that class. Anybody who
heard her name knew right away that
she was positively all that the rest OF
us folks claimed our families had once
been. Her husband was the senior
member of the great international DIN
Pickle House, Gasseni and Chokem,
and her family was one OF the Oldest,
most decrepit in. the country. They
didn't come over In the MayfioWer--
they didn't wait for 1t, they got
washed ashore from the wreck OF the
Hesperus, or one of them other old
antique ships rowed by slaves, the
ones that was called galluses or some
thing. And then they set theirselfs
up in the American Indian business:
BY the time the Pilgrim Fathers and
Mothers arrived they had their SOU
venir shop all set up on the Mohawk
Trail, with scalping prices, ana that
was probably the foundation OF their
millions.
Well anyways, there couldn't of been.
any doubt as to Mrs. Whoosis being
the real thing in a social way, not
even in the mind of a child. always
provided said child was old enough to
read the society news in the papers.
personally myself never skip line,
especially on Sundays, not that care
a. boot about society or social posi-
ton, but read that stuff merely to
laugh at them people, the way they
waste their time, etc. Also SOS none
of my friends will be able to catch me
upon who married who amongst the
400, not to mention which divorced
which and why, and what the best
peoples maiden names was, and all
that.
A lady has to know them things
these days, or her friends will be put
ting things over on her about how
much better their social position Is
than hers, and who they know to
speak to, and who merely to speak Of
If it wasn't for self-defense ] would
never bother reading that stun, on
account whatter 1 care about know
ing who them people are entertaining
at dinner? 1t don't put any soup in
my plate!
RUT the good sense ! showed in
keeping the social register warm
was proved the very first time that
Mabel Bush. the one that is married
to that Joe Bush of the Hawthorne
Club, spoke of her friend Mrs. j.
Upperlip Whoosis.
Mabel had been on a trip to far
of Long Island which is well known
for being regular nest of swells, and
regular hot.bed of social manner
isms. Why. down in that part of
Long Island where Mabel went 1t is
so fashionable that the ocean is fun
of swells, even when there is nobody
in bathing, and the crowd is such a
high-hat one that they have buffers
to pass the plates. even in the
churches, and the hat.racks are built
low SOS the silk toppers won't scrape
the ceiling. When 1t comes to titles,
hot bozo, l understand where in that
set even the humblest bridge player
won't lead anything less then a queen,
and even the traffic cops have titles.
The cottages" in that neighborhood
are all modest little affairs which can
only be told from hotels by the fact
that there is no desk in the lobby, and
the liveried men servants, If formed
into battalions, would take five hours
to pass any given point, unless the
point had free beer parked on it, in
which case 1t would take longer.
The clubs in them towns was so
exclusive that some Of the crowned
heads of Europe was known not to
be members of them. and the aver
age American citizen could of got into
them in only one way-after dark,
with the aid of skeleton key and
a Jimmy.
Take it all in all, this part of Long
Island where Mabel Bush had been
was the cats meow, the ducks eye
glasses, and the de-hydrated creme Of
Am. Society, according to itself, and
Mabel admitted freely that she hadn't
missed any of 1t. She was there two
hours and a half In her flivver, and
come back with a English accent.