The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-01-28
SMILIN' THU
STIFF NEcKED AND UNcRcUMcIsED IN HEART
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1925 by Gordon Cooper

Doc Bloom, preacher on Sundays and gardner on
week days at Mercer University had heard that Dean
Vendors coined to his bed "Whuts de mattah wild
dat MANI" he aked Professor Mount morning
"Outsider genet cussedness All CANT nothin de
mattah wild 'im-allus lookin' healthy"
Professor Mount was adored by Doc Bloom The
professor knew it, and he also knew that Doc didn't like
Dean Vendors worth cent Doc resented bitterly the
"high hating" the dean always accorded him. The
dean missed opportunity to strut his
ness and Doc in his good-naured sincerity, could not
abide folks OATS stiff necked an uncrcumcised in
heaht,' like whut de Postle Paul tells erbout."
Professor Mount smiled at Docs question. "The
dean in suffering from sort of obstinate stiffness
in his knee" he replied
"Huh!" Doc snorted. Maybe dey's hope fer
i'm eff hits in is knee! Judgin frum de he allus
acks yod think de stiffnessd done settled in is neck
fer goodl Dat man struts dan bantam roosterl
Conceit is de ony thing e amt got nothin else but!
Dat goes 'roun hyah so stuck-up wild is haid up
in de air dat yod think purity e gwine bump
inter de an knock hit down."
ooh, the dean is good sort at heart" replied Pro-
lessor Mount with laugh.
"Mebbe e is! Mebbe e isl" said Doc resignedly "But
eff de kinda heaht whut es got is de kind yo' calls
good, den All perfers liverl"
"But you wouldn't mind having his gall, would you,
Doc?" the professor asked with malicious grin.
"Gal! Gall is right" replied Doc with extreme
unction "Wy eff dat man wuz die de medercul col
legged be tickled ter death ter git is stiff SOS dey
could cut hit up an find out whut make i'm git dat
way!"
"Ah tells yo right now, Perfesser, dat de whut
goes roun rarn' back stiff dat is coattails drags
de grown is gwine git is come-uppance sooner Ell
lateri An dat doan mebbe!"
"Cool off, Doc" admonished Professor Mount with
a chucke "The Dean isn't bad sort after you get tc
know him.
But Doc was not convinced "Yeh" he replied, Gan
castor oil amt so bad aft yo gifts used ter hit but
who de debb wants ter git used ter hit? All tells yo
Perfesser, eff All could buy dat fer whit es with
an sell i'm fer whut e thinks 'es wuth, Aid be dc
richest man in de worl
Professor Mount looked grave. "You seem to be
unusually vndictive against Dean Vendors this morning
| knew you didn't like him. but evidently you've got
a new crouch against him. What has happened?"
Doc was silent for a moment "Hit's like dis he
began slowly, "de odder day All thinks mebbe eff {
come down an heah preach dat mebbe ell git tel
think liz bettah OBJ me. So All i'm ter down
ter de chech mex Sunday.
! "An yo' know whut e say?" And here Doc begar
to brste again. Without waiting for Professor Mount
reply he resumed, "Dat man say in a kinder uppity
voice, 'Hit'd hahdly be proprate fer a man in nah
persition be in niger chechP Yassuh! OATS
whut say An den e say, Abs fo'ced ter know 20
man, but All doan kere ter know yo ez preacher!
Professor Mount looked grave and shook his head
regretfuly.
memory of it Docs oval grin returned "Ah say tel
im WELL dat bein de case, All tells yer right ter 20
face dat Abs fo'ced ter know yo perfesser, but
All doan kere ter know yer man.
can e doan hab nothin' else ter ay. e jes walk
right off All reckons datl ho i'm fer while"