The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1926-02-11
SMILIN' THU
"a MISS Is AS GOOD AS A MILE"
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1926 by Gordon Cooper

There grim suspense among the congregation
of the Antioch African Baptist Church. South, as Doc
Bloom mounted the platform. For this morning Zeke
Hardscrabble to be examined for readmisson tc
ode full benefits OBJ his hyah house OBJ Gawd."
Zeke was confirmed chicken thief He had served
many for this bad habit of his that he had
forgotten the number. Doc Bloom had condoned with
him as long as he could safely do it. For he hated
to turn him out of the church. No matter how bad
Zekes habits he always contributed generously tc
the church. In fact, the prosperous his pckngs
the he contributed So Doc had wavered in hes
itancy before finally putting him probation for six
months.
This morning the six months were up, and Doc was
to examine him before he should be reinstated in good
fellowship That benevolent old rascal perched his half
moon spectacles the of his and looked ON
niously over the crowd which held its breath with
pense
"Zeke Hardscrabble" he roared, Come hyah ter de
frunt O. de chech!"
An apologetic weakened little negro dragged re-
his feet from the last in the church
When he did he followed by buxom, amazon
sized black who had the air about her of saying
if they expected to buldoze her husband she would
be there to that justice done.
While Zeke dragged his feet, Marian, his wife
stumped along with determination to the front OF
seats Zeke with head hanging and nervously turn
ing turning his hat in his hands Marian sat bolt up
right with folded good to say, Bring on 20
zaminashun, an see eff All keres"
Doc Bloom came around to the front of the plat
form and rested one elbow on the pulpit With his free
hand he slowly removed his spectacles and peered de-
beratey down at Zeke That individual squirmed
Finally Doc beloved, "Brudder Zeke Hardscrabble
(An' All calls yo 'Brudder' cause All hopes dat dis
zamnashun gwine reso' yo' ter de fellowship o dis
chechD Yo' is arranged befo de august tribune O. de
chech o. Gawd! Yo' is hyah ter answer de questions
cantiv ~ de
de ordained paser o his chech an dis congergashun
Is yo' ready ter answer"
Zeke cleared his throat, suffered unnteigiby, and
when failing get the out was prodded vicious
y by Marian At that he nodded his head until it bobbed
up and down like fishing cork in the water
"Vey WE'LL" said Doc "Now six munts ago yo wuz
put on probashun by dis chech fer stealn chckens Am
dat right"
Another emphatic nodding the reply.
AN yo wuz tol dat eff yo keeps yosef clean an
unspotted frum de worl fer dat six munts dat yod be
tuck back inter de chech. Am dat right?"
Zeke gulped and nodded again, while he regarded
Doc with eyes pitiful and trusting as those OF
hound dog.
"Den Abs hyah ter AK yo, IS Yo' STOLE ANY
MO- CHICKENS DOM DIS SIX MUNTS?"
This time Zeke found his voice. "Nawsuh!" he yelped
"Yo' swears dats de truf?" Doc persisted.
"Yassuh! 'Fo' de Lawd All amt stole no chickens?'
as yo' stole any turkeys"
Again the gulp, "Nawsuh! De Lawd bein' nah
helper All amt stole turkeys"
Doc still regarded him suspicously. "Den is yo
stole any guineas?"
"Nawsuh!" Zeke was finding his voice. mary a
guinea is All stoe!"
And after further deliberate scrutiny Doc turned
to the congregation. Brudiers sistren yo is heahd
whut de probashuner say. In yo august presence e
done swear e amt stole chickens, no turkeys
an whuts mo- e amt stole no guineas.
"An' All says ter yo dat dis brudder is got clean
bill O. health An de Bible ter forgive odders ez
yo would hab 'em forgive yo'. Fer dat reason All is
ready entertain de motion ter resto dis brudder ter
de fellowship O. dis chech"
The motion was made and seconded in less time than
it takes to tell it. Doc put the motion and there
roar of assent.
He looked down at Zeke who had been hopping
perspiraton from his heated brow in the OF
the ordeal "Brudder All is pleased ter nfawm yo dat
yo is once mo- enjoyn de fellowship O. Gawds chilun.
When the service over, and Zekes' friends were
congraulating him outside the Church, a broad grin
spread over his wizened countenance he replied
"Yassuh! Abs glad too! But All tells yo' Doc She
would a-had eff ed ATTEST said DUCKSW