davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04
a CHARGES HELD
AGAINST Z BOYS
Youths Admit Taking a Cars
in 20 Minutes for
Joy Riding.

Admitting taking four cars within
% minutes, two youths vet in their
teens were arraigned in court today
on total of IA charges Of joyridinc.
They were Robert W. Stannard, II
years old, of 652-A Orleans place north
east. and Thomas Hooff. IA years old
of 326 Tenth street. Stannard was
held for the grand jury and the
Juvenile Court reserved decision in
the case of the younger boy.
1t was the second time in 10 days
that Hooff had been arrested for the
same offense, he having been picked
up December "a while attempting to
take a car. When taken to Juvenile
Court he was paroled to his parents
for investigation, being released from
custody because of Christmas.
Arrested Saturday.
The boys were arrested late Satur
day night by Precinct Detectives II. X.
Wilson and f. r. Thompson of the
ninth precinct after they had attempt
ed to drive off with the machine of
Lee Brown at GA Maryland avenue
northeast. Brown. looking out the
front window of his home. saw the
Youths tampering with his car. he
said and he called police.
The two youths freely admitted tax
ing many machines in their ioyriding
eScapadea, police say. and police were
busy today checking up on cars which
had been reported stolen and which
were later found.
With holiness that served to dis
tract suspicion from them, youths
hrpped into cars they found not lock
ed and drove to Lincoln Memorial and
other points and left them. then dis
covered other machines with motors
running or gears unlocked and drove
them off.
1t is also alleged that there are two
or three others who have been in the
gang
Automobiles Taken.
Among automobiles which police
say the boys have admitted taking are
those of Joseph Roth 1000 East Cap
itol street: Henry Schaffer l404 Har.
ward street: George Jamison, l.
Fourth street northeast Charles \.
Sinclair. Laurel Md, who had left
his machine parked al Fourteenth
and North Capitol streets: Mary y.
Nolan, l43l East Capitol street: Viii
liam r.. Barkman, 2lS Eighth street
southeast: Villa r.. Foster. $50 II
street northeast: Philip Il. Anderson.
Clarendon. Va: Henry W. Jaeger, 9
Fifth street northeast: Joseph w
Buell.. 1880 North Capitol street; Ira
s. HendriCk. apartment 20 l2l
Twelfth street southeast: Emmett y.
Harrison. 1886 North Carolina avenue
northeast: William w. Slye. 523 Sec
ond street southeast. and Paul u.
Darcy of Arlington. Va.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

The Jane A. DelanO Post. No. 6.
American Legion, will meet tomorrow,
S pm. at 1887 X street.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

The West Virginia Society will meet
Wednesday, pm. at Fourteenth and
Kenyon streets. There will be a re
ception to members OF both houses OF
Congress and dancing.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

The South Carolina State Club will
meet tomorrow, pm, Il Cleveland
School for election of officers. All
South Carolinians welcome
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

The DahIgren Terrace Citizens As
ISOLATION will meet Wednesday, s
pm, at the Social Club Oyster House.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

Mrs. Ellen Spencer Mussey Tent
No. /, and Lincoln Camp, No. 2, Sons
and Daughters of Union Veterans OF
the Civil War, will have a public in
stallation of officers, 8 o'clock, al
Grand Army Hall.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

will speak at tomorrow's luncheon
meeting of the Wapiya. at University
Club. l2:45 pm. Subject: stop. Look
and Listen
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04
ORGANIZATION ACTIVITIES

The English Village Citizens Asso
citation will hold its annual meeting
S o'clock, in the Cleveland Park Con
gregational Church.
The Washington Practical Psychol
ogy Club will hold business meeting
o'clock at the Playhouse.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04
BELL BACKS ISSUE
OF BUILDING PERMIT
Denies IrreguIarity in Author
ling Warehouse Construc-
ton on 10th Street.

Engineer Commissioner J. Franklin
Bell took cognizance today of the
charges made at the F'ederat OF
| Citizens Associations meeting Satur
day night that peculiar circum
stances" surrounded the issuance of
permit to prominent Washington
business firm to erect a warehouse on
Tenth street northeast between Girard
street and Rhode Island avenue.
Writing voluntarily to Jesse c. Su-
ter, president of the federation, Com
missioner Bell pointed out that while
the permit was issued hastily. it took
its usual course" The charge was
made at the federation meeting that
the permit was issued on the same
day that application was made and
, usual procedure in the building in
spectors office.
Col Bells Explanation.
A year or so ago the coming com.
mission endeavored TO let the public
know through the press and by send
ing notices To all citizens associa-
tons" said Col. Bells letter. that
after a property-owner had made an
application for permit To erect "A
structure which is in accordance with
the lItl Lb1ll1lS re- uldllbliS. MS liz III
tn the permit cannot he denied. This
the District of Columbia. and WAS
based on the doctrine of equitable
estoppal.'
Il note from the press that at the
public meeting of your association
last Saturday night certain speakers
blamed the Office of the building in
spector for issuing a permit hastily
where change in coming was re-
quested. The permit had to be is
sued, and whether it was issued with
in a day or within a year made no
difference under the law. | am in
formed that the permit took The
usual course.
Charges Made to Federation.
William Mex. Clayton and repre-
Sentatives of Dahlgren Terrace Cit
ZenS' Association emphasized at the
federation meeting that the applica-
ton for the permit was made and Is
sued December 16, one day prior to a
session of the Zonins commission at
which an application would be con
Sdered to reZone the property on
which the proposed warehouse was 10
be erected from industrial To residen.
tial area.
John w. Oehman. building inspector.
also said today that the hasty issuance
of the permit was unusual and might
he construed as peculiar but that
the applicant was familiar with the
procedure in obtaining the approval
of permit and was successful IN
rushing it through five different de
partments. The applicant likewise, he
said. happened to appear in the build
| ing inspectors office on day when
the examiners. were not rushed.
Was Familiar With Details.
The applicant was man named
| Lamar. an engineer for Barber
Ross Mr. Oehman said. and he re
manned at the District Building
throughout the day until the permit
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04
The Housekeepers'

The Housekeepers' Alliance will
meet tomorrow, 2:30 pm, at the home
of Mrs. Frederick H. Newell of Phelps
place. Comdr. Edward Brock. presi-
dent of the Anti-Steel Trap League,
will speak on should Women Wear
F'urso'
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

The Center for Psychic Development
will meet Wednesday, pm. at the
Playhouse. DR.. Jane u. Coates will
speak.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04
COOLIDGE ACCEPTS
LEAGUE BID TO TAKE
PART IN ARMS STUDY

Continued from First Page
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

The District of Columbia Public
school Association will meet Wednes-
day. 8 pm. in board room of District
Building.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1926-01-04

Lincoln Post will hold its inspection
and muster of officers Wednesday.
, pm, in Grand Army Hall.
Oriental Council. Royal Arcanum.
will meet tomorrow, pm, at Pythian
Temple.
Evening star., 1926-12-05
THE OTHER DAY {

when was a boy" he continued.
everybody used to read Dickens and
Thackeray." =.
He shook hls head rnouenfuiiy and
walked slowly away. watched him
for moment and then continued my
search. Finally found q book and
began searching for the telephone
number OF my old college friend, Don
Morgan.
Look under M" suggested my
wife. gratefully followed her edvice.
There seems to be a great many
Morgans."' sald. do you remember
what his fathers name vast"
NO" she replied. II always used
TO call his father Mr. Morgan. I was
much younger than he," she added.
lat that time"
You sttll are" remarked.
She considered moment.
IAN right" she agreed. Lots cali
up some one else"
Wait q minuts." said. Maybe
this lady can help u.s."
The lady in charge Of the telephone
booths looked up inQuirinGiy.
Il am trying to and q number" !
began.
She closed her eyes. waited.
Finally she gave one or two slight
shudders. and her lips seemed to be
moving. bent over. The voice was
Hello. mamma" she SAID. This is
Gladys"
looked at my wife. She put her
finger to her lips.
"Ssh!' she cautioned.
We waited. Finally the voice Of the
little girl became stronger.
1T Is very beautiful here" she
said.
'The name 70 Morgan" an.
nounced, and think they live in one
of the suburbs
BY this time the telephone lady was
in complete trance. Her breathing
was deep and regular. Her eyes were
CLASSY. Her lips once more began to
move.
Il am very happy" said the little
THAT'S great" replied. "only my
train goes in about ten minutes now
and
II am very Aavpy." continued
the voice. :. and everything is
beau.ti.f,a--"
The te,ephsAs lady swoke with a
start.
"Did you get your number" she
asked.
l shook my head.
NO" replied. "But Gladys 10 very
happy"
"Oh, Shoot" said the lady. "Some-
times get Gladys is1tead Of Mr..
Washington"
"Mr. George Washineton?" asked.
Il don't KNOW" she replied. "Hs
always refers 10 himself a. Mr.. Wash.
ington-sometim~s Just as Mr.. W."
She gissied. Hes very funny at
times"
II don't think George Washington
would know my friends telephone
number" I stated.
"You never can tell" replied the
girl, putting a fresh piece Of gum II,
Evening star., 1926-12-05

Oregon in De faxe wot II made de
Oregon he should sec stOZz.
So de Oregon sad: HIN, I basg par
rom. Deed hoited your"
So Kyrilo sad: "Geeve q leesten.
dope! - Whan you gung dees way
DOPE! Whan you Sung dees way
U,! Look dees way e@. not dot way,
Na, whan you gung dees way az! !! F!
tink wot I'll gonna take q pukk ct
you jost for lock!!'
So it stotted OPP q fight someting
hume. %:
Oregon lends laft jeb--DreGon lends
hopper. lends rught cruss
Oregon eennaets witt steel laft to
cheen. DrvGon jebe--docks-roeheS
sweengs-ieaAs! !-RAfroe eonte nine!
Oregon henVs oppunneut on rUpS-
Oregon shoots weecked jeb in reebs-
Oregon lends sullar. .plaxus ponch-!!
Hand from rond!
Grandmother aaz: "a ceenchm! He
couldn't holt oss. keed!! We weening
izzy"'
Kyrilo geevss q henswsr:: II teenk
wot I'll gonna queet while We ween.
ing!!'
Naxt Rond! Oregon lends seek
jebs! Oregon roshee oppunnent!-
Oregon lends keedney ponch-Dregon
lends rebit ponch-Dregon bolts witt
had-Dregon lends bite witt toot-
Oregon lends keeck in sheens-Hus-
shoe fulls hout from Dregon's gluff! -
Oregon Lends pevoS Denchi @Dgagon
Evening star., 1926-12-05
Effective Tests for Readers

ment. Stick to the Hero. How can
you distinguish him?
Very easily. He Is always so com.
pletely disguised that you can tell him
in a moment. Suppose, for example.
you meet in tho story drunken sail
or asleep on q bench and quite
oblivious to the world-that's the
hero. Suppose there comes in an aged
man very much bent and with a white
Hero. At any menent he can unbend
himself and unbob his beard and there
he IL.
Is not the Hero in reality very
strong and athletic?
Oh. very. He can break an iron
bar with his teeth. and he played end
man on the Harvard ping-pong team.
All quite right. And what Is the
Hero doing all through the story?
Looking for the Heroine.
Can he find her?
No. He always looks in exactly the
wrong place. He enters one end Of the
ment she goes out OF the other.
Quite SO.
And now what about the Heroine?
How do you know her?
THE HEROINE
BY her extraordinary innocence. She
knows nothing. It Is doubtful wheth.
er she knows that any two sides of
triangle are greater than the third
side, or how much ~ times 13 Is.
And what is she doing in the story?
Hard to say. She just wandered In
from her home.
Her home, where was that?
The site is not indicated clearly
Somewhere among the honeysuckles
apparently. Il Is also made clear that
there are lilacs around the porch; and
there Is evidence that Whila the
Evening star., 1926-12-05
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK

7 AM given to understand-fronl
the best and latest fiction and
from the movies-that there 10 a
i place called the underworld. BY
this don't mean Hades; we know
all about that, and all anxiety in re-
gard to it has long since been re.
moved.
But the Underworld is quite differ
ent. Without it, our up.to-date fiction
couldn't last day. Just where It 10
or how you get to it, don't know.
But 1t is supposed to be filled with
apaches, and sleuths, and vampires.
and master criminals whose brains are
so vast that they ramify over two con-
tinents.
Many people feel that IL they could
ever find this Underworld, they would
leave home and never come back.
So let me set down here for persons
interested a brief directory of the peo'
pie of the Underworld put for conven-
ience in the form Of questions and an
swers. Any reader may test with
these the extent OF his knowledge OF
up-to-date fiction.
THE APACHE.
Who is the most ordinary and FIRE.
suent character found in stories OF the
Underworld?
A person called an Apache.
Right. What 10 he like?
Young, very pale, dressed with a
black silk shirt around his abdomen,
and smoking cigarettes at ten cents a
package for fifteen hours a day.
Correct. What effect has this on
his nervous system?
It works him up into a terrible
state OF irritability.
With what result?
This-that he would stick a knife
into YOU in the dark II he had an op.
portunity.
Evening star., 1926-12-05
By RING LARDNER.
Chapter % Of Autobiography.

TN HIS chapter is one I would not
have written but for the in
sistence Of my relatives and
4 friends. who are aware Of the
injustice done me, and have
persuaded me that it is only fair to
myself and them that state, for once
and all. the true facts of the case.
The subject IL my divorce from my
first wife. Augga Much, or rather
thanks to per3ured evidence and
Judge" 30 crooked that the State au.
tered his body with signs reading.
Danger! Reverse, Curve Ahead!)
her divorce from me.
We had been married only a few
years when the storm broke. We were
living in Gluten, N. Y, and while nomi-
nally propRietors Of the post office
there were cleaning up a tidy fortune
through the barter of dog muzzles. as
sorted leashes and fieabane. 1t netted
US so little pro6t to conduct the regu.
lar business Of q post Office that we
had discouraged Glurenites from buy.
ing such things as envelopes and
stamps, telling them either that we
were just out OF those commodities or
that the ones we had in stock were
infected or otherwise damaged.
This, finally. through some jealous
busybody, was called to the attention
of the political chief. and that Official
personally came up from Washington
to investigate. At his first sight Of
Hugga, he forgot all about the bust
ness that had brought him and fell
violently In love: His love was re.
turned and one day l. stumbled upon
the ungainly pair playing Mine Mems
Morris" at the municipal gas station.
To avoid q scene I ordered him to
visit me at my office and when met
him there We had quite talk.
He told me 1t got awfully hot in
Washington In the Summer months,
but the Springs and Falls we're lovely
and the Winters much milder than in
New York. The principal streets, he
said, were named after States or let.
ters Of the alphabet.
Editors note: My sister Cora, who
visited Washington at the time Of
President McKinleys Inauguration.
wrote me that g street was one of the
main business thoroughfares)
authors note: 1t was and still ISL
Editors note: 1t was during this
trip that Cora became acquainted with
Wayne Pardee.)
(Author's note: Not the Wayne
PardeeQ
Evening star., 1926-12-05

''Is he friend Of yours?" asked Mr..
Washington.
Sure" replied Mary. but don't
let that bother you any
"Oh, now. don't get sore," said Mr..
w. What number does he want?"
II amt sorS." replied Mary.
Yes. you are" insisted Mr.. Wash
ington, and you know what l told
YOU about saying Amt What num-
Der is he looking for?"
"IIi say amt II j want to-" said
Mary.
oh. you ~ill. will you." said Mr..
Washington.
yes. will, will l." replied Mary.
And what are you going to do about
what's tAat?" asked Mr.. Washing.
ton.
you heard me-" replied Mary.
II beg your pardon" L interrupted.
At that moment the station rever-
berated with tho sound of some one
calling out something about a train.
I grabbed ct my watch and then at my
wife's hand. We started to run.
As glanced over my shoulder for a
last parting glimpse Of the telephone
girl saw Ahe was still under the In
huence OF the trance and that her lips
were still moving very, very fast.
Then We turned and sprinted for the
gate.
| As we got near q man in uniform
looked around and saw us coming
then broke quickly into terror-strick-
on run In the opposite direction. 1t
was the aa1ne man In uniform whom
we had spoken to earlier in the even
ing.
| We caught the train just as 1t was
pulling cut.
tcNuVsirht 192e)
Evening star., 1926-12-05

sand in mine bobber he should geeve
mo q shafe ulso i tink wet I'll hev
maybe de tail bopped witt q mod
peck va in de faze-By Jeeminy
creckers-by hackM!
So he was hoshered in in de Pelece
wot he was r1kxing witt poifume wot
it was It was seeting dere In a room
de preencess witt de Grenmodder!!
So II hensood a VERY touching sim
%:
OREGON: "Wot mine dirr-Tirrs
by you on de >wadding monnink???
Heh-heh--heh!!'
DEMZEL: do witt me wot you'll
gonna do, foil wratch, bot dun't you
dare you should toching mihe hold
SYenncddsr!'
GRENMODDER: Somebody hesked
YOU? Mind yeur own beexness!!!
So dc Oregon gave q hexclamation
"Pheoy"-wot he rem away witt de
Preencess.
POT TREE
So de grenmodder sad: TN feex by
heen de beexness!v'
So she rosl,ed queeck by Kyrilo de
tenner in de tennery wot she bagged
witt plidded witt cuxxed witt bisitched
heern wet Kyrilo yilded 70 de entrtttizz
wot he should fight de Oregon he
should raScue de Preencess.
So was stYulling don de strit de
Oregon wot 1t came alung Kyrilo wot
he gave q bemp witt d heahow de-
Evening star., 1926-12-05

Is there anything really terrible in
this?
Nothing whatever. OF course an
Apache would put knife into you in
the dark II he had real chance. But
then 50 would I. This distinction be-
tween people who put knives Into you
and people who wouldn't Is quite false
and mlsleading. Most people would
put knives into most people.
clination in the world to put a knife
into whole classes of people: actors.
story tellers. ugly women who talk
about themselves. plumbers. public
lecturers-Quite a long Mst Of them.
All quite true, and now tell me what
is an Apache really like?
II one could see the Apache as he
really is. he would turn out to be moth.
ing moro than a silly young simp.
who IL. let US say. a plumbers assist
ant by day, but can't stay home at
night.
Exactly. And now tell me who is
the principal female character in the
Underworld?
THE QUEEN OF GEHENNA.
She 10 called. colloauially, the
Queena Gehenna.
Tell me about her.
In every we'll fe8uIAteo OnOerWorlo
there 10 always a lady designated by
some such title as the Queena Ge-
henna.. She is supposed TO be the last
word in vampires. Her beauty Is sup.
posed to be 20 alluring that she casts
q spell for three or four blocks around.
She would eat g. man as quick as look
at him.
Quite 80. And does she really ex.
ist7
Oh, no. The Queena Gehenna is as
much q myth as all the other charac-
ters Of the Underworld. Her real name
In HAcre1e Simpsons. and ehe works as
Evening star., 1926-12-05

of Queenas Gehenna all over the
place. But they are not really dan
gerous-not when you know them. 1t
is only when they are put into fiction
that they look like that.
Absolutely right. And now tell me
are there any other women in the
Underworld?
Lots Of them-they are called
Women Of the Street, Women Of the
Pavement, Women of the Basement,
Women Of the Subway, Women Of the
Underground Railway; in short, wom-
en- who inhabit any place more than
ten feet below the level of the soil.
True. And what do these women
turn into when they get older?
THE OLD CRONE.
The name given in the Underworld
to any woman OF 60. Old Crones are
supposed to be found, like mushrooms.
in any dark cellar or underground
dwelling.
What do they live on?
They live on gin. They would eat,
but they have no teeth, or at best only
one. An Old Crone calls everybody
"dearie." but she would sell human
drop of brandy, one drop. For a
bottle full she would sell a whole viii
lage. But, after all, so would most
of us. That's nothing.
Is there any way to reach the heart
of an Old Crone?
Yes. She seems scarcely human.
but If you remind her of her Lost
Daughter she breaks down, and tears
Of gin run from her eyes. She will
then betray the entire Underworld.
Are there really any such persons as
Old Crones7
No. The Old Crone, like all the rest
Of the people Of the Underworld, is
just a myth. Fetch her up into the
sunlight, dress her in a black alpaca
Evening star., 1926-12-05

"But denr want to talk to any
one In Europe" demonstrated. land
besides don't believe you can"
'1t waa people like you.' said the
man. who. laughed at nay grand
father"
"Was he q humorist?" asked my
wife.
The rnan's nose went up in the air
and he surveyed my wife scornfully.
HE was IN inventor" he replied,
land his name was legion in invent
Ing eircies.''
How can ysu invent circles?" ask
ed my WIFE That's silly"
And have. you any objections to
humeristss' I demanded. also q little
nettled.
YES" added my wife, what makes
you think tavontors are any better
than huInOS1ss""
I'm sure ] don't know" replied the
man. somewhat coldly. Il have never
had any contAct with huni0rists.'
looked at my wife.
Shall We tell him." I asked.
1ho nodded - her eyes sparkling
with anticipation.
adjusted my necktie and let my
coat fall slightly open 50 that he could
see one Of my lead pencils.
II asn humorist." said.
He took It very nicely.
Would YOU excuse me q rninute?"
he said, and walked rapidly away.
do you think he's coming back?"
asked my wife, after a pause.
We waited. After few minutes
looked at nv watch.
IF we axV 'ng to telephone"
I said.
We walked slowly in the direction
the man isad indicated.
I'm sure hss grandfather was not
q very coed inventor" said my wife,
with a slight pressure. on my hand.
Thank you. dear" I said, simply.
When We reached the telephone
stand there did not seem 70 be any
telephone book.
can you tell me where can find
q telephone book?" asked All elderly
gentleman who was standing near.
I'm sorry. he replied. but I'm
afraid caa't. read % little these
days." he ADDED.
Il know hsw you feel" said. SYM
DQthoSfcafiy.