davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
BA!B6

Just a few more weeks before wo-
mans place will be in the fur coat.
One fairly reliable sign of winter
IS the annual announcement of
plumber shortage.
When Thanksgiving comes, we all
can be thankful that bill collectors
don't carry guns.
The fellow who thinks life's joke
finds it's on him.
Always be careful aboCt electing a
politician who has strings tied to
him. He has his drawbacks.
Copyright, 1925, NEA Service, Inc)
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
MANY nuCKs KILLEn

PHOENIX, Oc t.1.-(AP)-It was a
great day for deer hunters in this neck
of the woods. AT least ten bucks were
brought into town by hunters hoping
to win a prize offered by local sport
ing goods store for the first buck felled
after the opening of the deer shooting
season. C. ]. Jorgenson, a farmer liv-
ing near Phoenix, won the rifle when
he arrived at 9;40 a. m. He shot his
deer in the White Tanks district soon
after sun-up.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

Mr. and Mrs S. F. Mcguire re-
turned yesterday from Battle
Creek, where Mr.. Mcguire has
been taking treatment at the
sanitarium.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Abe Martin

Some folks are SO prominent an ON
tn go so much that we kin figure
out fer ourselves that they wOuldn
have a chance t. take bath. The
way of tn transmission is hard.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

Mrs. o. o. Hammill and chill
dren returned yesterday from
Chicago, where they have been
visiting relatives for some time.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
CharIeston!

parations-Drink-A pint OF corn,
bottle O. Jake, two bottles o. lemon
extract, mug O. Lucky Tiger tonic,
Eddie P.naud.
Then-Stumble, sway, swing, sweep.
shake, skip, stagger, stoop, shiver,
shudder, sansui, singlefoot, slip spin,
swerve, side step, stomp, leap Iean,
lope, hop, bound, bounce, jolt, rock,
tremble, totter, trill, tango, vibrate,
bend, quivver, waver, quake, GAMER,
jerk, buck, dodge, pidgeon-wing, war
dance, kick, romp, wobble, wiggle,
trip, spring, bobble and habbit root.
These steps should produce com
bination of Gilda Gray's movement
and the actions Of a puppy just out
of a bathtub.
Conclusion - After accomplishing
this dance turn hermit and swear
never to strut again!
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

Johnny Igo nearly had heart
failure yesterday when he round
he had lost $1OO bill. For
tunately it was found by Dodge
Hooper and returned to Igo.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

The record for the hottest Sep
tember yet has been established.
by Observer F. T. Wright. The
highest temperature was 101 on
the Sth, and the lowest was As
on the 30th.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

Word has been received IN
Douglas that r. T. Hines, who
has been making his home IN
Salt Lake City, expects to leave
shortly for Los Angeles to reside.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
FalIIng Down

Salesman: Did you find the wash
ing machine just as 1 represented it?
Customer: Exactly.
Salesman (to himself): 1 must bs
falling down on my sales talk.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

An explosion of bomb at 1:10
this morning in Los Angeles re-
suited in the death of 20 en-
.ployes of the. Times and the de-
struction OF their six-story build
ing.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
PIucked From the Plains
GARGLINGs

We'll, Dorothy, did you hear Nine.
Octave sing last night?"
"Oh, yes, auntie, and think she
gargles beautifully"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
OId H. G. hi.

Ladies and gentlemen, on account
Of the high cost OF living, we shall
have no napkins tonight, but now
and then a woolly dog will pass
among YOU"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Referred 10 webster

Editor: Are you sure this is abso-
lately original?
Young Poet: Well, you may find
some Of the words in the dictionary.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Dodging The AK

old Hen: I'll give you a piece of
good advice.
old Hen: An egg a day keeps the
ak away.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
FaIred to Rejoice

Now, in the story of the Prodfgal
Son, who failed to share in the re-
joicing?'
"T know! 1t was the fatted calf"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Sixteen Years Ago

H. L. Noble left yesterday for
a business trip to Tucson and
Phoenix.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
WHY Sic was Late

Tillie?
Tlllie: Mother had hole in her
carpet, and I had to sit on 1t, until
the company left.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
More Truth Than Poetry
BY JAMES j. MONTAGUE
A RISKY CURE
By JAMES

To fill great and long felt need
A scientist affirms.
That soon there will be reared a breed
OF germ destroying germs
Which, once set free in mans inside
Will decimate and kill
The evil germs, which there abide
And often make him i'll.
When fever makes us pine and fret
And we feel like the deuce,
Then we shall simply need to let
These savage creatures loose.
To battle they Will promptly go,
Their souls athirst for gore,
And in perhaps a day or so,
Well feel all right once more.
We know of course that they will
But oftentimes we doubC,
If when we once have let them in
That we can get them out.
Will not they make of US their prey
When they are snugly hid
In our anatomy, the way
Their predecessors did?
Before these predatory mites
Consolidate the gains
That they have. made in valiant fights
Conducted in our veins,
Although they've did us of disease
1t would be rather wise
To make them furnish guarantees
That they'll demobilize!
No Hope
About the time air highways are
laid out somebody will invent wings
for pedestrians.
Not Much to Worry About
There is a great deal of talk lately
about poison gas, but this country IS
in more danger just now from poison
liquids.
Not Such a Cinch
We don't know any of Mussolinis
1 +.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

"Say, boy friend, why comb your
hair just before going to bedT'
"Oh, I want to make a good inn
preston on the pilloww-Ollapod.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
SEEKING MORE
TRADE WITH MEXICO

MEXICO CITY, Oct. Especial to
The spatch)-Inquiries have been re-
ceived by the Confederated Chambers
Of Commerce of Mexico from the firms
of Hobo Kondo and Company, Shima-
lliu and Company and Honcho, Schi-
chome and Nihonbashiku, all of Tokyo,
Japan, regarding the possibility of es-
trade relations with Mexico.
The chambers are endeavoring to put
tho Japanese firms in touch with pos
sible Mexican exporters and importers.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Dangerous

What you need is an electric
BATH" said the doctor
mot for me-" said the patient MY
uncle got drowned in one of those
things in Sing Sing Ga. Tech. Yel-
low Jacket. - g. M
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

mo Breakfast Complete Without
The Dlspatcn."
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Inst Like ,Em

| Young Bride to Husband wake
up dear, it's time to take your in
sonia medicine" Wash. Cougars
Paw.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

The largest water plane in the
world is being tested at st. Nazaire,
France. 1t weighs twelve and one
half tons empty, and twenty tons
loaded to capacity. 1t has five en-
eines, giving total of POO horse
power.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

When I let Rhoda drive my car,
she crossed the road where no roads
are,
And staggered in at eight or nine,
With nothing but a detour sign.
And when l. called, they told me
there,
';Why, Rhodas closed up for repair"
Nebraska Awgwan.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
Not Such a Cinch

We don't know any of Mussolinis
critics that would trade jobs With
him.
Copyright, 1925, by the Bell Syndicate
Inc.)
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

when proposed to the dear girl
she fell on my shoulder and sobbed
like baby, but finally she put her
arms about my neck and"
"Yes, 1 know all about it. I re-
hearsed it with her."-Minn. Ski-U-
Nah.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

Straw: What no! my friend! Me-
thinks 1 see bit of SCOT upon thy
countenance.
Raccoon Thou art right, brother,
tits but from train of Thoughts
which passeth through-Salt Shaker.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

He: ] don't know whether I am
asleep or awake.
She (sarcastically: Neither do l..
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

"Everything's plain now" said
Karl, as he tramped over the prairies.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
rhev Love Lie

One freshman received a letter from
his mother and this is an extract
from it: Dear Son: 1 do wish you
would not shoot the little craos. Re
member that they love life as well
as you do.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02

mo Breakfast Complete Without
The Dispatch"
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
No Hone

About the time air highways are
laid out somebody will invent wings
for pedestrians.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-10-02
.ot Much to worrv AhOut

I Not Much to Worry About
There is a great deal of talk lately
about poison gas, but this country IS
in more danger just now from poison
: liquids.
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24

last September with the loss of 33 lives. Everything was in readiness Tuesday to bring the craft to the surface when the stern pair or pom toons broke loose and permitted the submarine 10 rise at the bow 10 al- most q perpendicular position.
 The Falcon, which with other sal wage vessels was sent to Point Ju- dlth after in" suspension Of liftius operations Tuesday, returned 10 tbe scene last night. A diver went down and examined the S-51 from bow 10 stern and reported that the craft was in a "satisfactory condition"
 The submarine is listed % degrees to starboard with the keel free or the bottom. The examination also showed that three of the four pon- tOons at the bow. the blowing out Of which contributed 10 the sudden rise of the craft. are now standing on end and all will have to come up for repairs.
 These repairs will be mostly re-
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24
THOUSANDS ATTEND CLOSING CEREMONY
Papal Le8atG Celebrates Mass at
 MuDdeIein, Illinois

Mundelein, H., June q tP)-In natures great sanctuary, flooded by q brilliant sun and fringed with Verdant trees and shrubs, the last rites of the twenty-eighth internal tional Eucharistic congress were celebrated today before throngs numbered in hundreds of thousands.
 Before a huge altar canopied in silk and velvet overlooking from the top of q grass carpeted hill the two mile sweep of St. Mary's lake. Car dinal Bonzano, legate of Pope Plus NI, celebrated solemn pontiGcal mass under the fairest skies of the congress sessions.
 After the benediction, the euchar- istic procession, more than three miles long, filed through a mass of humanity in the climactic pagcan- try of the five day religious festival.
 50,000 Out Early
 At : a. m., when the first special train left Chicago, more than 50,Q00
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24

people already were on the dew covered grounds of the cloistered seminary of St. Mary-of-the-Lake and long lines of pilgrims clogged wide roads in every direction for several miles.
 In the great sanctuary before the seminary chapel. the mass was cele- .brated in a setting of color, pomp land splendor, rivaling that of the richest pages of medieval history. Far below, like an amethyst set lin old silver, sparkled St. Mary's lake to which were carried the in- tonations of the celcbrants and the chants and hymns of the choir.
 The altar was at the end of the lake directly before the tabernacle Iof the permanent chapel. Con- Iplctoly covering the east side of the loditlcc was silllcn curtain of car dinal red. A canopy of white and gold hung from the top.
 Remarkable Occasion
 The spiritual pilgrimage of the faithful from many lands 10 the beautiful little town named after ithe oardinal-archbishop of Chicago and seat of St. Mary's of the Lake lseminary. was one of the most re- Imarkable religious events of modern times.
 Pcre Cardinal Bonzano, legate to Ithe Vicar of Christ, displayed be- | fore adoring and roycront eyes. the Iconsecratcd Host, a thin wafer of flour and water, which, in the Cath | ollie belief, through conservation, be- Icomcs the yeritable body of Jesus Christ, fulfilling the Sayiour's prom 1 ise to His disciples at the last SUD- per when He broke bread, blessed lit and said: Take ye, and eat this ! is my body
 The ceremony provided the clcs- ing scene of one of the mightiest religious reviyals in world history, following the final Chicago service yesterday on Soldiers Field, where in the shadow of the golden shrine on the shores of Lake Michigan
 more than 100000 young people of the faith assembled.
 Arrive On Special Train Eleven of the twelve cardinals ar rived here last night on a special train which was painted cardinal red and decorated with the Papal Insignia. Cardinal O'Conneu Of Bos- ton. who arrived at Chicago by boat with a large New England deIega- ton. departed from the metropolis on the steamship from Waukegan, ! Illinois, whence the trip to Munde- lcin was 1Iade by automobile.
 Cardinal AIundelein, sponsor of Ithe congress, was host last night at
 banquet in honor of the visiting prelates, and in turn was honored with the Grand Cross of Isabella.
 conferred by King Alfonso of Spain.
 The Rt Rev. Edward r. Hoban,
 bishop auxiliary of Chicago, recciv-
 od the second degree of the same
 order. The decorations were pre- sontcd on behalf of the king by Car
 dinal Reig Y Casanova, primate of
 Spain, and personal representative of the monarch at the congress, "in depreciation of extraordinary service i to the Catholic faith for which Spain strived so ardently on this conti- inont."
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24
Cardinal Hayes Speaks

Identifying the solemn ceremon- ies of the week as continuing an adoration going back to the fathers of the human race, Patrick Cardinal Hayes, archbishop of New York, pleaded that the spirit and the story of the twenty-eighth Eucharistic congress be diligently perpetuated.
 Let it be carved into the imper- ishable record of these memorable days" he said in a sermon at sol emn pontifical high mass. That the church in America recognizing the ep0Ch-making character of this congress. will not permit 1t to pass into history merely as an act of accomplishment but will cherish and keep alive until genera lions unborn. the story of these days 'of faith triumphant and of glory transcendent."
 Let it not be imagined that we today participated in an eXtraordi- nary innovation of Catholic faith and practice" the cardinal said. I've are but carrying on the his ,toric panorama and supernatural pagcantry of Gods revelation and with men during the Hong sweep of the ages that rolled lup 10 the foot of the cross as well as 10 the centuries that have been unfolded since, in our Christian era"
 Recalling the Iabors of the early missionaries to this continent as giv- ing Christian America an early his | toric background "cmphatically cucharistic," Cardinal Hayes re- minded the throng of pilgrims that "an Fucharistic assembly is neither alien nor new to American soil
 "Would," he said, that our be- loved America had the grace 10 in-
 terpret it's glorious F Pluribus Unum' in spiritual sense in the light of the Holy Eucharist"
 Cardinal Hayes congratulated the church on the success of the con gress as If not unprecedented. at least hardly excelIed outside the Eternal City itself in the history
 of Eucharistic congresses" He pad their tribute to Chicago for the city's kindly welcome and hospitality to the pilgrims.
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24

pole in front Of the new theater building on Broad street is in danger of falling. It is about one foot from the sidewalk and is held in place only by a wire.
 Officer Axel Carlson rounded up a group Of boys who are said to have admitted stealing two tires from Clifford Simons of Day street and selling them for five cents.
 Mrs Hoffman of 59 East street reported 10 the police today that her COW has straycd from the pasture.
 Tcofl Bastik of 92 Gold street, who has been under care of q phy- siciau. was taken in custody this forenoon by the police after a re- port of his strange actions was re- caiNrd. The man is believed to be domcnted and the charity depart mcnt arranged 10 commit him to an institution
 Theft of cherries by boys at G5 Rocky Hill avenue and 5l Belden street Was reported to the police
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24

fitting and replacement Of chains These chains will have to be reat- tachcd 10 tho submarine. The two s' crn ponloous which w"ve sent to the surface when thr chains attaoh~ ing 'hcm to in, submarine broke are being repaired by the Falcon.
 The major defect in the ronjoons. it was explained, was broken flood valves. They will bo repaired by to- morrow when now valves will be re- cvivad and put into place. The es-
 imated time for preparing the sub marine for lifting made by officers is two weeks.
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24
SUI NOT HARMED BY SUDDEN LIFT
Two Weeks Work Before Next
 Attempt to Raise Sub

Submarine Base New London. June 24 lPt-No damage was done 10 the hull of the wrecked S-51 which unexpectedly poked it's nose above the surface of the sea while lifting Operations were under way, q report sent here from the salvage fleet stat led today.
 The submarine was rammcd and sent to the bottom 1 f miles off Block Island by the steamer City Of Rome
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24

this forenoon.
 Earl Aldrich of 51O Shuttle Me&- dow avenue reported the theft of 8 saddle. bridle and martingale from his barn.
 Joseph Sztuka Of II Oak street reported to the police at 1885 this morning. the theft of his automobile registration No. P4212, at Lake Com bounce last night.
 R. Davis of 55 Willow street re. ported that damage was done to his wagon in his yard.
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24
ON POLICE RLOTTFR

Frank Weliuslly Of 4& Oak street complained to Officer Clarrnc" Epmm at 7:2o last evening tbat boys gather in his doorway and nso bad language. They have also broken windows. he said. The off cer warned inc young mon,
 Officer Grilten reported thar a
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24
AUTOS IN COLLISION

Automobiles driven by Nathan Koplowitz of 156 Maple street and George Kukish of S6 Sexton street colided at the corner Of Washington and Lafayette streets about II o'clock this forenoon. Officer Axsl Carlson and James McCabe, who in vestigated. reported slight damage to Koplowitz's car and no cause for police action.
New Britain herald., 1926-06-24

LNOR hurried mothers. there is no | breakfast that compares with Quick Quaker, It's faster than plain toast
 No breakfast rush, no fuss, no bother.
 Provides the excellcntly balanced breakfast ration of protein, carbo- hydrates and vitamines - plus tho bulk" to make laxativcs less often needed-that doctors urge for every one today.
 All the rich Quaker flavor Is there. You will like it.
 Your grocer has Quick Quaker also Quaker Oats as you have always known them. Quick Quaker
, 1926-03-17
Correspondence
Editor St. CrolG Avis.
Dear Mr.. Editor:

DOdL MI AUI'UI.
AS patrons of the refresh
ment bar at the Christiansted Theatre
we are astonished to find that the usual
soft drinks (aerated waters) m~anufac-
tured by Mr.. P. L.. La Bega are not OBJ,
tainable there since Mr.. Svendsen's de-
parture from the island, and We learn
with regret hat the present proprietors
Of the theatre have discontinued hand
ling these popular beverages.
Sincerely yours,
MOVIE ADMIRERS.
, 1926-03-17

uJdy ISSUE SUUpU6udS anu SuIOICG the at
tendance of witnesses.
The office of the auditor shall be under
the general supervision of the governor
and shall consist of an auditor and such
necessary assistants as may be prescrib-
ed by law.
The auditor shall also record and pre-
serve the laws enacted by the legislative
bodies hereinafter provided for, and also
all acts and proceedings of ~tbe@eovernor,
and promuIgate all proclamatioGs and
orders of the governor and all. laws en-
acted by said legislative bodies, and per.
form such other duties. not inconsistent
with this Act, as may be prescribed by
law and assigned to him by the Governor.
In the event of a vacancy in the office,
or the absence, illness, or temporary dis
qualification Of said o%fficer,4 the governor
shall designate an officer or employee of
the gOVLrnmenr to discharge the func-
tl0ns of said office during the vacancy,
absence, illness, or temporary disquali-
fcation.
Sec. II. That the Governor, within
sixty days after the end Of each session
of the councils Of the municipality of
Saint Thomas and Saint John, and of
Saint CrOiX, and of the joint sessions of
said councils, hereinafter provided for,
shall transmit to the Bureau of |Insular
Affairs of the War Department, which
shall in turn transmit the same to the
Congress, copies Of all laws enacted dur
ing the session.
Sec. Is. That the President may from
time to time designate one of the execu-
tive officials hereinbefOre described to
act as governor in case of vacancy, the
temporary removal, resignation, or dis
ability of the governor or his temporary
absence, and the official thus DESIGNATED
shall exercise all the powers and per-
form all the duties of the governor during
such vacancy, disability or absence. The
governor may designate one of The exc
cutive officials hereinbefore described 10
represent him in Saint Croix, and either
the Governor or such representative
shall reside in Saint CroiX for six months
in each year.
LEGISLATIVE DEPARTMENT
Sec. 10. That the Virgin Islands of
the United States shall be divided into
two municipalities, namely o. the NUM-
cipality of Saint Thomas and Saint John,
and ~ the Municipality of Saint Croix.
The boundaries of said municipalities
shall be the same as at present establish
ed in accordance with the laws in force.
Sec. 70. That all the local legislative
powers in the municipality Of Saint Tho
mas and Saint John shall be vested in a
council which shall be designated The
A@---.I
, 1926-03-17
LOCAL

His ExcelIency the Governor and Mrs.
Trench and party left here for ST. Tho
mas yesterday morning on the u. S. S.
RGGJ. The municipal police formed the
guard Of honor.
, 1926-03-17

The q. S. S. Rail sailed for st. Thomas
at II a. m. yesterday with the following
passengers:-His EXceilency the Cover
nor and Mrs. Trench, Mr.. and Mrs.
Schenck, Miss M. Earle, Colonel and
Mrs. r. S. Hooker, Mr.. Hooker, Capt.
Werner, Mr.. Hoffman, A enlisted men,
y. S. Navy and the II. S. Naval Station
Band.
, 1926-03-17

SO CONGRESS
1ST SESSION
H. r. 1896.
In THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES,
FEBRUARY 16, 1926.
Mr.. Bacon introduced the following bill;
which was referred to the Committee on
lnsular Affairs and ordered to be printed.
, 1926-03-17
BILL
To provide a permanent govern
ment for the Virgin Islands of the
United States, and for other pur-
poses.
Continued from yesterdays Avi8)

The decisions of the auditor shall be
firal except that any party aggrieved by
action Or decision of the auditor in the
settlement of his account or claim may,
within one year, take an appeal in writ
ing to the Governor, which appeal shall
specifically set forth the part cular action
Of the auditor to which such exception is
taken with the reason and authorities re-
lied on for reversing such decision. The
decision of the governor in such case
shall be final, subject to such right of
action as may be otherwise provided by
law. Except as hereinafter provided,
the auditor shall have like authority as
that conferred by law upon the several
auditors of the United States and the
Comptroller of the United States Treas
ury, and is authorized to communicate
directly with any person having claims
before him for settlement, or with any
department, officer, or person having Of
fetal relations with his office.
AS soon after the close of each fiscal
year as the accounts Of said year may be
examined and adjusted the auditor shall
submit to the governor an annual report
Of the fiscal concerns of the government,
showing the receipts and disbursements
of the various offices of the government
and OF the municipalities, and make such
other reports as may be required of him
by the Governor or by the Bureau of In
sular Affairs of the War Department.
In the execution of his duties the audi.
tor is authorized to summon witnesses,