davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
Fridell.
THE CANARY

The Teacher: Jake Falstaff 1 The Class: Louise, Jerry, Jo, Beth,
 Rusty, Marie, Helene. Class: Dear teacher, what Is a canary"
 Teacher: ''The canary, my dear scholars, Is small bird not as little as q cockroach and not as large as an aardvark."
 Class: Tell us, dkar teacher, what it looks like"
 Teacher: Tt looks like a spoiled lemon"
 Class: And what is 1t good for?"
 Teacher: Its purpose in life is to scatter birdseed all over the sur rounding landscape"
 Class: "Is that it's sole purpose in life, dear teacher" Teacher: NO. It serves as an ob- iect for women to work off their surplus baby talk on. Many a wo- man who could crown her husband with the gas log if he didn't jump at her first word will spend two hours trying to get the canary. to  make its familiar sound"
 Class: "Tell us quickly, teacher dear, what is the canary's familiar sound?"
 Techer: "A sound like a hot-box." !"
 Class: "Is canary good to eat?"
 Teacher: Nobody knows. There isn't enough meat on one to taste. A canary derived of it's feathers looks like something your baby sister drew on the wallpaper. If canary meat were worth S1,658,329.00 a pound, the average canary would be worth three paper marks on the open mar ket"
 Class: "Does the canary roam at large, dearest teacher?' Teacher; NO, dear scholars. The canary is like the bank teller in that he has a cage. But it is generally known that bank tellers do not have paper in the bottom of their cages" Class: Thank you very kindly, dearest teacher"
 Teacher: You are quite welcome, dear scholars, and be sure to come to class again some time.'
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

ed at least twice as during those months the stench from the garbage 1 is absolutely unbearable and from a sanitary standpoint, should be re- moved as I said before, at least twice a week during the summer months. Hope I have not been in- truding in writing this article for your valuable paper but thought some few suggestions might be of service 10 the officials of your city government. In reading your paper of last evening, Oct. 13 on the "Laxity of Police" I thought might say a few words on that sub jcct also, which cony<nces me fur ther regarding jingle head commits sions. l am absolutely opposed to police trials behind closed doors. The police are the sworn servants of the people and if they are charg- ed with being derelict in their dloy. they should be tried openly and not behind closed doors. Regarding the charges made in your paper last night regarding the report made that one Dr. Curran, a newly ap- pointed police surgeon, was making and had made false reports regard ing physical examinations of can didates for positions as policemen is true, then it is the duty of the police commissioners to remove him from his position as police surgeon at once. I am afraid l am taking up too much space in your paper and if you think well enough Of this article to publish the same, l thank you.
 Sincerely yours.
 HENRY A, SMITH.
 Former alderman of the old City of RrnnlLlNn Now York.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
Citizen Wants To Know Why He
 Coul1n,t Sneak More often

In regards to Thursday evenings s town meeting in the town of Ser lin at town hall on the discussion of visiting nurse for the town, do not see how it can be legal not giving a person the right to express his views on the floor as many times as he wishes as long as the citizens or voters did not object. Why give a woman the floor as many times as she wishes and down a man when he has just as much right, if not more, in every respect. A man has not got to bring magazine to read from but knows what to say on a question and looks at both sides be- fore he decides. I do not see where an outsider has any right to be at a town meeting not even a voter of town and try and tell town voters what to do for l think they should know and decide a question them selves.
 JOHN MALINA.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
THE QUEEN ARRIVES
 IN AMERICA

|, While this article goes to print the city of New York Is preparing to receive Queen Marie, of Rou- mania, who is to spend some time in visiting this country of ours, the second queen to place foot in the United States. While 1t is being published she will be on her way to Washington, unless an unfore- seen delay occurs. One of her first visits will be to the tomb of the unknown soldier at Arlington where she will perform the traditional act of all officials of one of the allied nations to another, place a wreath upon the burying place of the doughboy's remains. There will fol- low whirl of activity, official in character, including a dinner at the White House.
 Marie Is colorful character in deed, one of the most colorful that developed in Europe during and after the World war. Her history, and that of her family, Is mixed thoroughly with that of the Balkan states, whose destinies play so great a part in world history small though they be. She is re- puted to have the most beauty &C., corded to feminine royalty in Eu- rope, Is known as the mistress of intrigue and as a strong and suc- cessful ruler.
 As nation we should be pleased to show to her all Of the courtesy due her exalted position. Not be- cause we envy her her position in the world, not because we are pre- pared 10 accept royalty for our selves, but because she has a right to expect pomp and ceremony while she is visiting, because she has, after all, honored us by wish ing to visit this country of ours and sec. al first hand. the leading re- public of the world.
 The press has related, at some length, every detail possible of the likes and dislikes of Queen Marie. We have been regaled with ac- counts Of what she had 10 eat - and we find that dishes dear to the heart of the Yankee are hers through preference. Witness, the buckwheat cakes with maple syrup, corn on the cob, and so forth. that she has desired. Plcbeian dishes, common on every table in this land, and acceptable to queen. We have a suspicion that she would like to escape the pomp ac- corded royalty and drop into some of our humble homes as one of | the folks next door would some evening for q meal and visit with the family. Somehow her history impresscs its that way. Surely honors must be irksome when there is nothing but ceremony In ones life.
 At any rate. may she enjoy her visit 10 America.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

You can get an answer to any question of fact or information by writing to the Question Editor, New Britain Herald, Washington Bureau, 1922 New York avenue, Washington, D. C., enclosing two cents in stamps for reply. Medical, legal and marital advice cannot be given, nor can extended research be undertaken. All other questions vii receive a personal reply. Un- signed requests cannot be answered. All letters are conf1dential.-Edi
 Q. Are the minor children of a naturalized father who were born abroad, American citizens and are they eligible to hold office in the U. s. government? . A. Minor children of naturaliz- ed persons are citizens by virtue of their parents citizenship and if otherwise qualified, can hold any of- flee or position of trust or profit in the United States, except the office of President or Vice-P -Ppresident, which are restricted to persons born in this country.
 Q. Can a member of the negro race enter the United States Mili- tary Academy at West Point?
 A. Yes. Three negroes have graduated from West Point and one has recently been designated by the President for appointment to the Academy.
 Q. What was the value of ex- ports from the port of New York from the calendar year 1925? ; A. $1,770,SOS,722. i Q. What is the duty on imported white potatoes?
 A. Fifty cents per one hundred pounds.
 Q. What is Harlequin" ice cream?
 A. It's made of two to four kinds of ice cream or water ice moulded in blocks and arranged lengthwise in layers.
 Q. In what county is St. Louis, Missouri?
 A. It is an independent city, not in any county.
 c. What is the origin of the quo tations: AS man thinketh in his heart, se is he?" A. Proverbs, chapter B, verse '.
 Q. What was the official dcsigna- ton of the Rough Riders? A. The nickname was applied to the 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry in the Spanish-American war, organized by Theodore Roose- welt and commanded By Colonel Leonard Wood. Roosevelt was pro- noted to Command July 8. 1898.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

c. What is the origin of the name Blondell?
 A. It is from the French and means light or blonde.
 Q. How old is Douglas Fair banks, Junior?
 A. He was born in New York City December 9, 1909.
 Q. Is the wife of Sessue Haya- kawa, the actor, Japanese?
 A. Yes. Her name is Tsuru Aoki.
 c. Was the famous "Czar Bell" in Moscow, Russia destroyed during the World War? How large is it?
 A. It is preserved as one of the historic relics in Moscow. It was cast in 1735 and is over 60 feet in circumference around the rim, 19 feet high and weighs about 200 tons. Part of it was broken off during the fire of 1737 and lies near by.
 Q. How can the natural oil be removed from feathers?
 A. Steep them in one gallon of water mixed with one pound of lime, stir well, and then pour off the water and rinse the feathers in cold spring water.
 Q. What are requisites for enlist mcnt in the United States Marine Corps?
 A. The applicant must not be less than five feet four inches, nor more than six feet two inches in height: weigh not less that 12S pounds nor more than 240 pounds; be not less than IS nor more than 40 years of age. He must be able to speak, read and write English with ease, must be native born or a naturalized citizen of the United States; must be of steady and regular habits, have no one wholly dependent upon him for support. have good health and strong physique and not addicted to liquor or drugs, and must satisfactorily pass a rigid physical examination.
 c. What was the "Rule of Rea- son" as promulgated by U. s. Su- preme Court in the cases of the Standard Oil and American To- bacco companies in 1911?
 A. Briefly it is that a company is not necessarily an illegal combina- tiol although it may have a tre- mendous power over fixing prices of commodities. Large corporations may effect price reductions in com modities they manufacture, through savings in the costs of production and distribution, but if it uses it's great power to crush competitors or unreasonably to restrain competition against the public interest, it is an illegal combination within the mean ing of the antitrust acts.
 Q. Which is the highest of the Egyptian pyramids?
 A. The Great Pyramid of Cheops, at Ghizeh. Its present perpendicular height is 451 feet, but originally, in- cluding the nucleus of rock at the bottom and the apex which has dis it measured 4S2 feet. The sloping sides, which rise at an angle of 51 degrees 50 seconds are now 56S feet in slant height and have a length of 750 feet at the base.
 Q. Who played the parts of Dantes and Mercedes in the photo- play "The Count of Monte Cristo"?
 A. John Gilbert and Estelle Taylor
 o. How many Croats and Serbs are there in the United States?
 A. According to the latest re- ports of the Bureau of Census there were 140,559 Greats and 52,2os Serbs.
 Q. What is the meaning of the name "Bruce"?
 A. Happy Conqueror."
 Q. What are the names of the insect catching plants?
 A. The sundews, the butterworts, and the bladderworts.
 Q. How much would q package s4,oo0 in s1 bolls weigh2
 A. Twelve pounds.
 O. How much silk does one silk worm spin?
 A. The total length of tho threads averages 1-4 miles.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
INVITED TO MEET BISHOP

l Court Columba, Catholic Daugh- ters of America, of this city has re- ceived an invitation to attend re- ception to Bishop Hafey. national chaplain of the organization, on Oc- tober 24 at the Hotel Taft, New
 Haven. The reception is scheduled
 fer 530 o'clock in the afternoon. Members of Court Columbia desir- ing to attend the function, are re- quested to notify Miss Catherine O'Leary before Wednesday.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
Bctty's Best Bet!

My daughters four-year old friend height and tried to lord it over my five-year old Betty.
 One day Betty could stand 1t no longer.
 Well, you may be taller but any way I'm older and my feet are larger." she exclaimed.
 Mrs. W. D. Hack.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
CENTRAL JR. II. $. NOTES

The Junior Democratic club at the Central Junior high school is pre- pairing a Hollowe'en play which 1t expects to give in q short while.
 The gym floor at the Central Junior high school is being var nishad. The lines for the games have. also been vanished. The boys help out by doing a good deal of the vanishing during their gym periods.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
MUSICAL SEASON IN NEW BRITAIN

Music is the handmaiden Of all the arts; and it is the handmaiden of social affairs, of religion and a pleasing part of nearly all events where people foregather. Music also is an art in itself, and one Of the finest of arts. It is universal language, for it speaks to people Of all nationalities.
 There Is to be more music in New Britain this winter than ever before; but this probably can be said of any other municipality now that radio is bringing the con- course of sweet sounds into so large a proportion Of homes. In fact, 1t can be said that there Is nearly too much music on tap for the good of the art.
 Everywhere one goes one hears music: 1t may not always be the hest of music, nor tones meeting the requirements of sophisticated taste, but 1t is unacceptable; never theless. One goes to church and one. hears plenty of music; one goes to the theater and there IS more of it; one goes to a social gathering and music usually is al most everywhere; one stays at home and it comes over the ether, comes out of the phonograph, or one of the family plays or sings acceptably.
 Cultivation Of music in New Britain is on larger scale than usually surmised. The total of youths and girls who are learning to play some instrument has not been tabulated, and it Is only pos sible to judge by observing the number seen carrying vlOlins or music books, and these are met upon nearly every hand. Possibility of listening to music through ma chimes evidently has not in the least discouraged the ambition of students desiring to learn the art; rather, it has stimulated the search for such accomplishments, as keen observers forecaStcd when the era of canned music arrived. There is q satisfaction in being able to per form or sing eycD moderately well that does not exist by merely lis tening to machine.
 With the beginning of froe pub lie concerts In the public schools this month under the aegis of the Musical club and the Parent Teachers associations another im- portant musical step will be taken These events, begun last year, were fayorably received, so much SC that additional concerts were ask. ed this year. The PA. bodies evi. dently regard them highly as q supplementary factor in toning uT music appreciation, and as lee tnrefs will be employed this veal to aid the public in understanding the music, their educational valuC is unprecedented. The clubs twc visiting artists concerts, of course
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Member Audit Bureau of Circulation. The A. B. o. ia 6 national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver- tlser, with a strictly honest analysis or circulation. Our circulation statlstics .re based mon this audit. This tnsures nro.ection axainrt fraud in newspaper distribution figu es to both national and local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

 %D LILY Gs FUn chOD S ss
 M4xsoY hxHALL LRzt
Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care of the New
 Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York.
Our Disarmament propram

Our Disarmament Program If mirth-work and fun replaced earth-work and gun At each nations boundary, Folks, All skidding would cease on the Highway to peace, Standing armies be soon standing jokes.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
Home, Sweet Home.

Bradley: Has the ambulance brought my daughter home yet?" % Servant: NO, sir"
 Bradley: Have the police called to know where my son is?"
 Servant: NO, sir"
 Bradley: Well, when my wife calls up that she isn't coming home
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
Astounding

"Why, you have knives and forks, haven't you?" exclaimed lady visi- tor to convict in the prison dining room.
 "Yes, ma'am," replied hard boiled convict, "an' some of us even got teeth"
 Jack II. Smith.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
FALL AND THE FOOTBALL

comes the time when the thoughts of people, in this vicinity at least turn from other sports to football. Summer activities may have occu- pied them, their cottage at the shore was the object of many journeys of Father, who had left his family at the beach for the summer and went back and forth from his daily work in the family gasoline wagon. The dyed the wool fan, who must have some sort of sport to interest him at all times, watched the baseball parks and teams.
 Football draws from a different class of devotees than any other branch of sport. The fans, the in veterate followers of sports, of course, change their ideals with the seasons. To this class is added the large group of college-bred men and their families who are inter ested in the Alma Mater and who eagerly devour every inch of read ing matter concerning their teams and make a trip, if possible, to the nearest stadium where the eleven is performing 10 watch the play. Coveted paste-boards for the big game are eagerly sought and traded for, scarcely a graduate who can procure enough to fill his own needs, let alone those which are asked of him by friends,
 Naturally, as we are close to New Haven and the Yale bowl, most of the attention to football hereabouts is directed at the big concrete oval thirty odd miles away. A liberal sprinkling of New Britain folk may be observed at any time during the season in the big crowd which as- sembles there.
 The Yale-Dartmouth struggle of Saturday was no exception to the rule of large attendance from New Britain, and wonderful day of football 1t was, from the stand point of weather and excitement, as we'll as to the loyal Yale rooter who wished, in the first real test of the season, to see how his team performed.
 With just enough chill in the air to indicate that it was fall and football time the weather was not so cold that it was uncomfortable in the stands, which were occupied to considerably over half their capacity by a colorful crowd, near ly as colorful as the one which witnesses the Yale Harvard or Princeton games yearly. In the east stands the Dartmouth cheering section found many thrill in the play before the root CTS, particularly during the first half when 1t appeared as if the Yale team might be defeated by the boys in the green jerseys. And 10 revel in the second half when the blue outfit got going and proved its ability to come back There were many seconds of thrills to both sides interspersed through the quarters, when one team or an other made decided misplay or a spectacularly successful one.
 There was cheer indeed to the followers of Eli in the performance ol the ale eleNen, u appears as though there will be little in the way of the progress of the team to a cham pionship this year. Costly errors were made in the handling of the ball by several players dur ing the game, but these may have been expected this early in the sea son, and the players will be coached thoroughly against such mistakes again. The strength of the aggre- gation was well demonstrated, particularly on the offensive, against such opposition as was of- fercd.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
TUGITIVES FROM JUSTICE
Brown and Gold

There was a young painter named Brown Whose art was the talk of the town. One picture he sold Won a medal of gold, Though hung, by mistake. upside downl
 Martha Lehman
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
None Qualified

Fowler: "Why didn't the Home Talent Society put on The Two Gentlemen of Verona Mrs. Fowler: They couldn't find anybody to play the parts of the two gentlemen"
 Elise Fridell
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Correct this sentence: "John spent the morning shopping with me-" said the wife, "and didn't cuss a single time"
 (Protected by Publishers Syndicate)
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

One thing about great" books is that you have such pleasant senst of virtue when you wade through one.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
Lady. Be GOOdi

Lady, Be Good! A lady once went to the zoo And looked at a green cockatoo, When to her dismay She heard the bird say: You think I'm a sight: so are you!"
 Albert Weller. Copyright, 1926, Reproduction
 Forbidden),
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Environment isn't everything. In Africa are warriors who can jump seven feet high, and yet never have tried to cross a street.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

The Gloomy Dean thinks Britain a goner but all through his lifetime she has tottered from one triumph to another.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Now that straw hats are gone, about the only exercise the office man gets is in running for street car.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Nothing surpasses the pathetic condition of a man who has told his wife he won't be home until mid night and who comes home for din her, after all!
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
N.mh., q. th. Associated Press.

Member of tho Associated Press. The Associated Press is exclusively en- titled to tho use for republication oi all news credited to 1t or not otherwise credited in this paper and also ioca news published therein.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

To The Herald is on aale daily In New York at HotaIings Newsstand. Times souare; schultz's New-stsnds Entrance Grand Central. l2nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

"Dead men tell no tales" Non- sense? Dumas Is dead, and keeps on telling his tales through the modern fictionists
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

The only profitable advertising medium in the City. Circulation books and press room slvays open to advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

One queen doesn't thrill an Ameri- C., much, but four make his pulse quicken considerably.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

What this country needs is more aisles, so that everybody will be able to buy a seat on one.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

A swell shop is one where people pay 50 per cent more because the clerks are good f1atterers.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
You See How It Was!

You See How It Was! Mrs. Wyatt: ''Is your little boy learning anything in school, Man dy?"
 Mandy: "Deed he is. ma'am. He Is learnin' bofe education an sani- tation."
 Mrs. Wyatt: Isn't that fine?" Mandy: "Y Yessum. Dey is teachIn' him how he ought to spell an how he ought to smell"
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

At times we fear the world Is go- ing to the dogs, and then we see some ass acting important and don't care If 1t does.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

tonight, tell her I've gone to bed"
 Il. S. Hamilton.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

The one institution that failed to survive the war was the free lunch.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Bnt We wonder who is going to answer her questions.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

She will have a ready listener in Cal, unqucstionably.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18
l q
 %zA=eEa -- 9~

Nobody cares why chicken crosses the road' But why in blazes does 1t stop in the middle?
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

If the queen is true to her sex she will have much to say on her visit and plans.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Americanism: Being glad. because the opposition elected him, that an official is dumb or crooked
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Many questions to ask, much en- thusiasm to show.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

We can with much amusement draw mental pictures of the state dinner at the White House tomor- row evening when Queen Marie and entouraee will be the guest of President Cal, ct al.
New Britain herald., 1926-10-18

Every bird changes it's feathers at least once a year.