davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
PRESIDENTS VIEWS ON HIGHWAYS

Among the measures which tn, President mentions in his messag' i to Congress as advancing the inter ests of, the hard pressed farmers il | one for a large federal expenditure on improvement Of waterways ant highways.
 And then; That the farmer has been practically relieved of any fed. oral income tax-although the na- tional government cannot relieve him of the very great burden of the local taxes which he pays directly
 The great burden of local taxes referred to is caused primarily by heavy expenditures for improved roads.
 At one point the government Is lauded for improving the highways; at another, sorrow is expressed tha, the government cannot eliminate To- cal taxation, largely due to highway building.
 One would think that the Presi- dent therefore Is in favor of federal assistance in highway building, 50 as to help the farmers get easy riding in their Fords.
 But no; the President is against this 50-50 system of federal highway aid He has opposed the plan re- peatedly.
 Somehow the roads must be built; it verify is a shame that local au- thorities insist on doing 1t, thereby raising local taxation.
 Some of the local authorities car point out that during the war thou sands of army trucks which used the main highways chewed them tc l dust, leaving it to the local author 1 ities 10 make amends at $60,000 ol so a mile later.
 Some of the local officials car verify that during the war little highway work was attempted ir order to spare men to help win the conflict; and after the war they have had to catch up at heavy ex. penditures. just at time when the government was able to discontinue it's spree of spending money. The President harps upon the diff ference between lessened federal ex- penditure and increased local ex- penditure; lauds' government effort to build highways, and then opposes federal aid to states for such work i; hints good highways are good for agriculture.
 Fortunately the seething insur- gents can see through all this.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
TEA IN TEA:

Class Conducted by Anthony Egener
 Class: "Oh, good morning, dear teacher. We're just bursting to hear about Tea"
 Teacher: About Tea? We'll, well, well. You shall hear all about it. Tea is peculiar sort of drink that is served by women who aren't very good at making coffee"
 Glass: Tell us more."
 Teacher: Tea drinking is more an exercise than a pleasure. The man who can successfully balance a cup of scalding tea. sandwich, three macaroons, a spoon, napkin and cigarette should be successful as a. circus juggler, but he often makes a punk bond salesman
 Class: What is five o'clock tea ."
 Teacher: Five o'clock tea Is a method of spelling your appetite for dinner. It is used as device of revenge by hostesses on whom peo- pie call in the afternoon"
 Glass; How Is tea gathered?"
 Teacher: The tea gardeners tee It off the tea-bushes with T-squares, and then they take out the T-bones, and it is sent to the wharves, where 1t is counted by the tee-totalers.
 Class: What are the best kinds of tea?"
 Teacher: "Beau-tea, which Is a joy forever, and Honest-tea, which is the best policy"
 Class: Twill tea keep you awake ?'
 Teacher: Tt will If you spill 1t on the bed"
 Class: "so glad we came. You must come to see us some time. Real soon."
 Teacher: Charmed, I'm sure. Now that you know where I live, you must come over. Often"
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
FERTILIZING FARMS AND THE SURPLUS

President Coolidge is as anxious to help the farmers as cheap fer ! tilizer will permit.
 Advantages extended to agricul- ture ought to be supplemented by provision for an adequate supply of fertilizer ae lower cost than 1t is at present obtainable," he says in his message. This advantage we are attempting to secure by the pro- posed development at Muscle Shoals"
 The grand old party reported a grand old Muscle Shoals leasing bill ~from House and Senate committees at the last session. but no further actionswas taken. This is the method the President undoubtedly refers to.
 The s. 0. p. bill thus reported pro- posed the leasing of the properties to the Muscle Shoals Fertilizer com pany and the Muscle Shoals Power Distributing company. representing 13 southern southern power com panies.
 This is the advantage to the farmers that is being attempted" by the proposed development at Muscle Shoals"
 Cheap fertilizer is the bait. The main attempt, however, Is to lease the huge plant to 3 power com panies.
 The g. o. p. bill has encountered serious opposition, both from those who favor leasing the properties to other concerns, and from those who advocate government operation.
 Enactment at the present session will be prevented by a filibuster If necessary.
 Enactment after March 4 is en- tircly unlikely.
 It Is a waste of words to talk of cheap fertilizer to help farmers grow crops. They are already grow ing more than the market needs. The farmers have a surplus-ob- tained without the aid of Muscle Shoals fertilizer.
 The existence of this surplus is recognized by the President. The surplus, he admits, urgently de- mands a solution.
 To solve. the surplus he lauds CO., operative marketing agencies, al though 1t may well be that "addi- tonal measures will be needed 10 supplement their efforts.'
 Under the circumstances We don't quite get the need for more ferti- lizers unless it Is absolutely essential 10 mention fertilizers in connection with handing over the Muscle Shoals plant on silver platter.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
DOZEN VESSELS
 TOLL 0F STORM
Eight Lives Also Sacrificed in
 Wreckage

New York, Dec. 8 LP - A dozen wrecked ships and eight dead was the score today in the mounting toll of storm that ragged along the North Atlantic seaboard.
 | Fears were expressed for the safety of the schooner Edward F. Falt, with three men aboard, which was last reported seen Sunday night in Pictou harbor where it was being lashed by the storm.
 The eight lives were lost when the Canadian schooner Ella M. Randolph was wrecked at Brook Cove. off the Nova Scotia coast. News of the tragedy was brought to Catalina by Duke Blackwood. lone survivor. and son of the ships owner.
 Plans were under way today to lend assistance to the freighter Elm peror of Saint John, grounded with her crew aboard off Cape George.
 It was learned last night that the schooner Thelma was wrecked at Prince Edward island Saturday and 1 Iltl IlC" ol lilICS, oIlCl shore, had to walk 12 miles through a blizzard to reach shelter.
 The loss of the four masted schooner Edna M. Mcknight was reported to her owners in Boston by Captain Alvin Koesche. who said he and the crew were picked up by the British steamer Radoner and were being taken to Rio De Janeiro.
 The crew of seven of the schoon- CT W. M. Reinhardt was rescued by brooches buoy when the craft was driven ashore at Point Race, off Provincetown. Mass. Three members of the crew of the small fishing sloop Clarence were picked up off Nantucket and taken to Philadelphia.
 The steamer Hillcroft continued to wallow In high seas 250 miles northeast of St. John. N. F.. with her bunkers empty. while the Do- minion liner Tritonia stood by. The schooner Fishborn was lost of Cape Traverse. Prince Edward Is- land, but her crew was saved.
 The lightship Lurchers. stationed at the outermost mark of Halifax harbor. limped into Port for re- pairs. The Cunard liner Antonia from Southampton and the Red Cross liner Silvia from St. John. N. F.. came into the port of Halifax undamaged. but their officers re- ported the storm one of the worst of their experience.
 Twenty-two vessels were in dan ger of being frozen in the St. Law renee river for the winter. Naviga- ton between Montreal and Quebec was at a standstill excepting for the ice breakers. Shipping men said they had not seen similar conditions 50 early in the winter in 20 years.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Some time ago the Connecticut company, New Britain division, ex- pected additional modern one-man trolley cars as substitutes for the present hobby horses remaining upon certain lines. The new cars were expected from New London. They have not arrived. It Is to be hoped they get here before the an- cient equipment falls apart.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

"Oh, for the white meat of the
 chicken."
 Dear MT. Judell: We had spare ribs for dinner last night and some how with every mouthful I found myself murmuring
 This little pig went to market. :" I couldn't think of the rest of 1t, though. Would you kindly look it up for me?
 Herbert Bronner Dear Herbert: We hunted through eight volumes of the Greek philoso- pkers before we found this for you. which is the complete, unabridged text
 This little pig went to market, This one remained behind, This one was put on a diet, But ate like a pig when he dined! And this one had bodies of m oney, For THIS little pig was blind" Copyright. 1926. Reproduction Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
GAME DAWN"

GAME DAWN"
 AS THE MOVIES. SAY! Some Passing Thoughts About an Evening Last Summer At a Time When SHE'S Expecting a Christ mas Gift! By She Knows Who Writing This Come out" I cried. while the night is young: Come out where the robins song Is sung, Where the grass is lowing, blade in blade. And the Birch-tree white Is bash full maid; Come out where the red. red roses, strewn, That blush at morning and bleed at
 noon, Are dark at evening, and redder still Than the harvest moon with her
 crimson -frill-- Come out, for the world is pool
 of red That flows from the wound where
 the day lies dead"' The maiden flouted a lovely head. Let's go to the movies, instead"
 she said!
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
25 Fears Ago Today

A. F, Weiant has recovered iudg- m"nt in two suits recently brought in the court of common pleas. He was awarded s222.S2 in his suit against w. II. Caldwell to foreclose a mechanics lien on"a house built for MT. Caldwell by Adolph Leupold and he was given a decision for Sll6.94 in an action against Leopold over work on the Bardeck & Zipf building,
 The Japanese say: "From the base of mountain there are q great many paths. but when the top is reached the same moon is seep."
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
H. S. Contributes S55 to
 Walter Camp Memorial

Acting in accordance with a re- quest that the New Britain high school contribute to the movement to do something In recognition of the great service of Walter Camp to football, the athletic authorities at the school have withdrawn $55 from the treasury of the athletic depart ment. This is at the rate of five cents per pupil and has already been forwarded to the sponsors of the campaign.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
For several days the buildir

For several days the building department has not found it neces- sary to order workmen to quit con- structing houses contrary to the rule. and regulations; and during the same time no more instances oi ostensible two-family houses built for the accommodation of three families have been discovered. The cold spell seems to be getting in its work.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
LOST AND FOUND

Dear Sir: Can you find out for me what comes after "Oh, for the wings of a dove"
 Mrs. Pearl Tetley My dear r. T.: Sure we can. Either the finger bowl comes after. or the following "Oh. for the wings Of dove" Oh, my, Though wings some appetites may quicken, My boarding house inspires this cry:
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
What Did He Mean?

Herbert: What are you going to give your girl for Christmas?" Philip: Well. that depends. If she says yes Christmas eve, I shall give her a sport coat and belt"
 Herbert: And if she says 'no'?" Philip: 'I'll just give her a belt"
 Georgia Stelzler
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Member Audit Bureau of Circulation. rhe A. B. C. is . national organization which furuishes newsps pers and advsr- tissrp with . strictly honest anaiyss or riyrul.,ion Our circulation etatistics .,. h.,ed mon thts audit This insures protection againr. fraud tn newspaper dirr1butlon flgu e to both national and local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

A New Problem for Santa Claus! With hosiery so very sheer We wonder how the Pretty Dear Expects that 1t will hold the things She hints she's hoping Christmas
 brings!
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

The pater familias who exer- cises himself shoveling coal in the family furnace does not find shovel ing snow any great hardship-and it's cheaper.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

When the new Lincoln school opens within a month or so 1t will be necessary to curb the speed artists along Corbin avenue.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

The movement to move the city hall into the fifth ward evidently has died the death that comes na- tural.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

There are many ways to reduce a tariff. but wailing by those outside looking in isn't one of them.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
h., oy the As,oc,ated Press.

Member of the Associated Press. Tho Associated Prsss is exclusively en. titled to the use fo, republication or all nevs credited to it or not otherwise credited h this paper and also local uews published therein.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
Her NaUsty Dig

Mrs. Hanson: Do you know. my dear. the pitchers in that baseball game We saw last August now re- you last Christmas"
 Hanson: Tn what way. honey" Mrs. Hanson: They were never taken out of the box"
 R. J. Conrath
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

A gentleman is one who can get rid of feminine book agent with out giving any sign of his yearning to throttle her. M
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

der, some new-rich ass will answer that his roll is q million.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

"Phew." said the Italian assassin The car fooled me. and I almost wasted a shot on the king"
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Americanism: Feeling that life IS dull If there's no story of catastrophe In the paper.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Remains of prehistoric men buried by vast landslides prove that Jeffer- son didn't invent the party.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

: Do yout Christmas shopping early Sandy. The five-andtens are so crowded at the last.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
How It Was

New Arrival: T want room" Hotel Clerk: "One with a southern eXposure?"
 New Arrival: "No. I don't want to expose myself in any direction"
 Sunny
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

The Herald is on sals daily h Nev York at Hotalings Newsstand, Times eouars; schultzs Nevsstands. Entrance Grand Central, lind Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

An original Ohio man puts on his night-shirt upside down to keep it from crawling up!
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Still. much of the poetry inspired press inspired by Prohibition.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Lots wife had just turned to salt. "She was always too fresh," said he.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Dusty: "Wot good is a road-map wen yer always gittin' turned back"
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Methods of i: proving the public's memory accomplish little except to
 make life harder for jokesmiths.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
TELEPHONE CALLS
 Busiuesa OfYtcs .... Sas Editorial Rooms .... ste

The only profitable advertising medism in the City. Circulation oooks and prsss room sivays open to advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

A new lens, composed of a liquid container of concave shape, absStbs heat rays and is declared to be ad- motion pictures and treatment for tuberculosis.
 READ HERALD CLASSIFIED ADS
 FOR YOUR WANTS
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

That scientist who says mans in gredients are worth only 9S cents got hold of one who hadn't had a drink lately.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
New Britain Herald
BALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issusd Daily tsunda, Excspsed) At Herald Bldg. 1 Church Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
,%H21. 7a@SSzzqb S
 MAxsoW HxEalz tpnx

Send all communications to Fun ShOp Editor, care of the New BritaiD Herald. and your letter will he forwarded to New York
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Dutsrsd at the Post once at New Britain e Second Class Mail Natter.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08
FactsondFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

Whatever Mussolini's ailment may be, 1t isn't ennui.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

N In the paper. Remains of prehistoric men buried by vast landslides prove that Jeffer- son didn't invent the party. Still. much of the poetry inspired by Bacchus was as rotten as the press inspired by Prohibition. That scientist who says mans in gradients are worth only 9S cents got hold of one who hadn't had a drink lately. Distance lends enchantment, espe- cially to the radio fan and the man whose testimony is needed.
 The town population isn't as large as 1t seems. They should take the farm census at night when every body is back 'lome. Most minority parties die soon. Why don't the boys who want per manent jobs organize the Anti Amendment par..
 Already Marie is forgotten: the splinters are out of American knees, and the pants kicked off the train are nicely dusted.
 "I don't like It." said the pros pective tenant in Chicago. 'No conveniences-not even built-in wind ledge pivots for machine guns"
 Correct this sentence: Hes sey- enty and I'm twenty" said she. but my heart be2ts fast when he is near"
 Copyright. 1926. Publishers Syndicate
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Distance lends enchantment. espe- cially to the radio fan and the man whose testimony is needed.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Sinners may be lost, but they're mighty easy to find.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

euBsCRIPTIOx RATE1 $500 . Year.
 11o0 Three Aoutha.
 7Sc. . Month.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

The town population isn't as large as 1t seems. They should take the farm census at night when every body is back lome.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

"Oh, for the white meat of the
 obickantp
New Britain herald., 1926-12-08

Most minority parties die soon. Why don't the boys who want per manent jobs organize the Anti Amendment par.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1926-03-18
THE WOMAN TO PAY

In these days of so many develop
ments we have almost ceased to be
surprised at anything, yet it is lit
tie startling to read that wife has
been awarded 100000 from a woman
for alternating her husbands affec-
tions. Our legal code has been built
up on the assumption that women are
more in need of special provision and
protection than men, and, though
modern feminists spurn all this and
demand abolition Of such insulting
discrimination, there are still old
fashioned conservatives who believe
that our original theory was we'll
based. But now, it would appear, the
courts are tending toward the fem
mist view-that woman should be
held responsible in every particular
equally with a man, she also being
liable to offend and being fully as able
to take care of herself as he is to
look after his own interests.
? At any rate the Supreme Court of
New York has ruled that a woman
must pay the bill this time. Instead
of divorce and heavy alimony paid by
the man, as usual, Miss Corliss Pal
mer, screen actress, must pay $780,
900 to Mrs. Brewster for capturing
and carrying off Eugene V. Brewster,
"wealthy New York magazine pub
Usher" The decision implies that a
man may be weak and misled and
that woman may be the resolute
perpetrator of the mischief. 1t is
rather startling reversal Of the cur
rent ideas of former times, but it is
possible that those ideas were not
always strictly correct or wholly equi-
table. At all events we live in a new
age, with new developments out of
harmony with old customs liable at
any time. AS regards this particular
case, our feminists, at least, ought to
be satisfied-and presumably Miss
Palmer is we'll able to pay the bill
for her family -disrupting amusement.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1926-03-18

was tranquility within our portals,
while in reality discussions of greater
or less magnitude were in order.
We wish to report much progress in
connection with the banquet arrange
ments. Bear the date in mind, Fri
day, April 9th. You will receive your
application on which to make your
reservation in ample time. Do not
fail to answer promptly, else you may
be denied the privilege of attending
this banquet. Plan to attend with
your lady for it will undoubtedly be
worth your while.
The entertainment for Friday
night, March 18th, promises to be one
of the outstanding events of the year.
| III those with literary inclinations two
addresses should appeal. Lovers of
music will note with interest that the
orchestra will render several selec-
tions. The fact that refreshments
will be served will attract perhaps
greater numbers than either of the
other features.
The first address will be given by
Brother Walter Wyatt Dawson, bank
er. philanthropist, traveller, big game
hunter, lecturer interchangeable
Mark Twain of Oakland. He will
narrate in his usual dramatic style
the thrilling experiences of his recent
hunting trip to the wilds of Maine.
Perhaps he will describe how he en-
countered and outran a bear. We
take the liberty of making the asser-
ton that should any of that hunting
party have sighted a monstrous bruin,
Willie Ritola, Jackson Scholz or
Paavo Nurmi would have been in the
rear of those mighty nimrods. At any
rate the account of his travels will be
we'll worth hearing
Brother H. P. Stuck will also dwell
at length on his recent trip to Cali
fornia. He will tell of the scenic
wonders of our western coast. He may
mention the luxurious modes of travel
experienced by himself and family on
their transcontinental trip. Who can
tell but what he may give us some
enlightenment on the "yellow peril"
as it exists on our western shores.
By all means avail yourself of the
opportunity of hearing these vivid
accounts of travel.
Don't forget the music and refresh
ments. Come.
PUBLICITY COMMITTEE.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1926-03-18
IMPATIENCE FOR WEALTH.

The newspapers tell us about this
or that person who earned big sum
of money in a short time through
NOV inpgtcieru eoni taoin nm nm
moving picture work, baseball, foot
ball, etc.
Which tends to create little dis
content in the minds of some. They
contrast these glittering prizes with
their own hard struggle just to keep
a meagre foothold in this slippery
world.
High rewards are paid to certain
few who can amuse or arouse the adj
miration of the public. The actor who
can make the people laugh, may earn
many times as much as the states
man who confers benefits on the whole
nation and makes an imperishable
name in history.
Will such contrasts disgust the or
binary person with the slow and pa
tient processes of daily toll? Will
they incite him to branch out in some
risky speculation or hazardous adven-
ture, hoping to find some short and
easy cut, avoiding that long, steep
and roundabout path to the City of
Gold?
1t is well to reflect that the Win
ners of these sensational prizes usu-
ally gained them because they had
learned to do some one thing surpass-
ingly well. They put their whole en-
ergy into that one effort.
The average person can not achieve
and sensational success. But that
same determination to do some one
thing surprisingly well will give him
a long boost ahead on that toilsome
path.
The City of Gold is not the only
place where people can find happy
home. Many who have gone there
say it isn't so much after all. They
claim there are as many troubles
there as, anywhere. Most of the fun
was in getting there, but once they
reached the town they say is seemed
to be pretty dull old kind of a burg,
after all.
And they do say that along the old
rough path that looks so dusty TO the
most of us, there are beautiful haunts
OF friendship and love, with sweet
music and the laughter of children.