davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-03-21

Poets are comparatively dormant the
rest OF the year, and burst into action
when the trees commence to do the
same. But take the general public,
now. it seems to effect the most OF
them just the exact opposite. They
get this dropsy to the extent they drop
everything and just sit. They get dopy,
kinda sleepy like. maybe it is the hot
air the poets are breathing out such
a lot that does it.
y x * y;
MOST people, I have noticed, will
Sit looking at nothing when they
ought to be doing something else. The
most important business can go chase
itself during the first few days of
Spring. and have even known ste
nographers to forget to powder their
nose, and strong men to play with
golf balls like little children while
dust collected on the dotted line OF
important papers where the sigma
ture was due. There may be the
League Of Nations waiting and ready
to be signed up, but believe you me
II II was and the base ball suddenly
tional leagues would get the high
sign instead.
Well anyways. as was sitting there
In the sun staring at a secondha
tomato can that didn't really see at
all. and think how terrible that Spring
laziness Is. and how people hadn't
ought to give in to 1t when they had a
whole lot to do. and what silly waste
OF time II was 70 sit around dreaming
over nothing while there was work to
be done. why all Of a sudden felt a
touch ON my arm and with a start
all at once realized it was George. and
that he was there, and so was the
tomato can.
For the iuvva tripe! he says. say.
Jennie. do you realize what time 1t
is? It's pretty near 4 O'Clock pm
Here the whole day has slipped by and
we haven't got a thing done? And
says Hot BoZo! Ia that so? Well
what OF 1t. there is other things in the
world besides work. did you ever think
OF that. dear. I mean art and poetry
and flowers and dreams, and that in
the Spring the sunlight can make a
second hand tomato can a silver chal.
ice trimmed with ruby patterns?
Whatter I care for work? Anybody
can work. Shut up. want to dream!
Well. at that Geo. looked real
anxious and felt Of my pulse. Where
do you hurt the worst? he says, have
you any fever, do you think it will be
fatal?
And says it will be- fatal to you.
II you don't quit kidding me about
the serious side Of my thought, I says.
Copyright. 1e26.)
Evening star., 1926-03-21

w the the doaS fqaS- ,o,.Isyn "D9n't you
whats good music?"
/ comes back ''The kind you like or
the kind 1 like?"
Certainly" replies the misses with
dignities.- my taste is better than
YOURS. suppose you think BAN
BAN. .Bammy Shore and Has Any
body Seen My Gal?' that you're al
ways getting over the radio are good
music?"
They are" says I, prompt. "Those
tunes please my ear, while that Wag.
ner blah.blah which you pretend to
like gives me a pain in the medulla."
What do you mean, pretend to
like?" snaps the wife. What makes
you think l don't like Wagner"
II know you don't" tells her, be
cause nobody really does. It's like
spinach. You take it because it's sup
posed to be good for you and your So
Cial standing. I don't believe there's
anybody living that really ever had
swell time spending an evening listen
ing to Wagner. Anyways, what makes
you think that Wagner wrote better
music than Irving Berlin?"
"What a silly question:" shifts Kate.
"In 10 years from now nobody Will
know that such a song as Remember
was ever written. while"
Tell me- I cuts in quick. some
Wagner pieces that you'll remember
In 10 years"
why err" stammers the frau.
why, everything he wrote
What makes you so sure" says I,
that in a hundred years everybody
won't be going to Berlin concerts and
giving Wagner the snow and ice?
Folks's tastes change, don't they?"
Maybe" remarks the wife, "but
they'll never get low enough to keep
up with YOU"
Lets stick to harmony" I sug.
gests, "and pass up the discords. AS l
gets it. you figure that anything peo-
pie like today can't be as good as
something people liked yesterday Is
that it?"
IT didn't say anything of the kind"
flares up the misses, but music that
experts have called great for a hun
dred years or so is certainly better
than the stuff they turn out nowadays
for jazz bands"
That's your opinion" says l. 'How
do you know that in a, hundred years
saxophone music will not be consid.
cred much better than the stuff you
get out of fiddles. Besides. that argu-
ment about stuff being good because
it has lasted a hundred years is the
bunk. II the stuff about thing being
ace high because it's been carried OH
through lot Of centuries is good, you
How do YOU mean?" inquiries Kate.
Evening star., 1926-03-21

kidded to death when he first pulled
that stun called music"
That's true" admits the wife.
''but the fact that 1t is sung today is
the best proof that it's good"
"And you're not willing to watt" I
remarks. TO zee II jazz will last long
enough to be good?"
ut never will be good" snaps the
frau. Nobody but low.brows care
for it. Did you ever hear a first.rate
musician play it or speak well Of
it?'
Ibid you ever hear Of any high
rate musician talk well Of Wagner's
wild noise when 1t vas first sprung?"
asks. Anyhow, just what Is good?
You'll admit that the mere fact that
a thing has lasted a hundred years
don't make it good"
mo" says the wife. you've last.
ed nearly that long
s"All right" comes back. "And
YOU wouldn't say q thing was good
because 30 per cent Of the people
think it's good. would your"
WELL" hesitates the misses. II
u might"
mo, you wouldn't" I cuts in. .If
Evening star., 1926-03-21

crawled out from under the Sunday
newspapers and stretched himself and
says. oh we'll dammit, all right, what
do you want me to do first?
Why dear. I says, I don't really
need to do much this year, the house
Is pretty clean, SO thought we would
do just q few things such as taking
the furnace out in the back yard and
giving 1t a good thorough beating.
And Geo. says couldn't 4 beat it down
cellar? The neighbors could hear it
just about as good.
And I says now Geo. the minute
come down to brass knuckles about
your helping me around the house,
especially to beat something, the beat
It part is all you think Of. no. that
furnace is conner be cleaned right.
Hot Bozo. All I'm asking for you
to do today is shake that sullen look
and the furnace, help me hang Uncle
viii. you know he framed up that
portrait on us. and it's got to go
someplace, the attic is full.
Then I want you to merely wrestle
with the parlour carpet, try a little
catch-as-catch-can with the spiders in
the attic. fight the dirt in the cellar
to a finish and paint few chairs and
tables. You can just dash them OF
between times, see. 1t won't take you a
minute. Then I'd like to have you
scrape the carbon out OF the icebox,
dry-clean the goldfish bowl, beat the
nursery rug until it's good and light.
add q dash OF elbow grease. season to
taste. and set out in the sun for 20
minutes.
Well, at that Geo. give me a look
that little Spring-cleaning would
not of hurt. I mean It was q dirty
one, and he says that last is the most
intelligent thing you have said SO far,
come on, let's go out on the back
porch and soak up few quarts Of
this sun before we actually get down
to work, what say? So what I said
was uhuh, and out we went, just for
a second to find our place in the sun
the same as the ex.kaiser or anlbody,
and set down where old Sol. as we
playfully nicknamed him, could smile
on the two Of us. the just and the un.
Just alike, meaning I and Geo.
y 4 * X
WELL, from where We sat, on the
" edge Of the coal bin. the view
was principally Of the garments
which that Joe Bush of the Haw-
thorne Club, his wife and that aw-
full child Of theirs. liked best next to
themselves, II you know what I
mean. In other words, their back
yard showed up good If not to their
advantage, and neverd before knew
that Mabel wore red flannel ones.
and heaven and earth. she sure left
Evening star., 1926-03-21

ing a term in Sing Sing Prison.
was thinking of going up to see him.
Can you tell me the fare" there?
Yours truly, j. ROE. TOO.
Answer: The "Iare;' is the same as
ever, just bread and water.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: For the past week
have been annoyed by cat singing
in my back yard. I chase him but
he comes back. Shall i get u six-
shooter and kill him?
Sincerely, WILLIE DIE.
Answer: Sure. kill him. But as it
is u cat, a six-shooter will do no good.
Get nine-shooter.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I want to write
letter to an aunt Of mine: she is de.
spondent because she is very deaf
Evening star., 1926-03-21
New Questions From Ingenious Readers
Are Answered by 1.-THE Perfect Fool"

afford a cabaret and do not know how
to entertain my customers. Can you
suggest any way Of me giving my
customers some enjoyment while din
ing? Yours truly,
e. TINGPLACE.
Answer. Serve them some waff1es
and alphabet soup and they can make
up their own crossword puzzles.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: Can you tell me
why a giraffes neck is so long?
Yours truly, ARCH. OLOGIST.
Answer. My dear chap, the reason a
giraffe's neck is so long is merely
because it's head is so far away from
its body.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: / live i'm Newark.
n. j. know boy who is now serv-
Evening star., 1926-03-21

end could you want? She sank into
chair and you leave her. Nothing
more natural"
L was again about to protest But he
stopped me.
There is one other small thing"
he said. "Our coming number IS to
he a Plumbers and Motor Number. I
must ask you to Introduce. II certain
amount of plumbing into your story
He rapidly turned over the pages.
Il see" he said, that your story as
written is laid largely in Spain in the
Summer. | shall ask YOU to alter this
Evening star., 1926-03-21

gage as the perfect wife. not only
by the undersigned but by as many
as n dozen of those who I lauehingly
call my boy friends. and John may of
listened in ON the conversation of his
elders.
Jim said he would announce his IA
vorite men at some later date and
when urged to choose his favorite
women replied that he hated them ALL
That is about all I could learn in re-
CARDS to the little ones except that
they had played considerable hockey
with David age G. on Johns side ys
Evening star., 1926-03-21

that we are accepting your
story. In fact, we are dehghted
with it,"
1 need hardly say that joy broke out
on my face. 1t was my first expert
ence Of this kind Of thing. Up to then
I had never known how It felt to have
q real editor, Of q real magazine. ac-
cept a story and be prepared to pay
real money for it.
But, on the other hand" continued
the editor. there are certain things.
certain small details, which ! should
wish to change"
"Yes?" I said timidly.
"In the first place. 1 don't like Your
title. Dorothy Dacres. or, Only a
r 'rgynans Daughter 1t Is too
t, ct. shall change it to read Dor.
othea Dashaway, or. The Quicksands
Of Society,"
But. surely began.
"Don't interrupt me-" said the edi-
tor. "Tn the next place the story is
much too long" Here he reached for
a large pair of tailor's scissors that
lay on the table. This story contains
5000 words. We never care 10 use
more than 5000. l must, therefore
out some Of it Off
He measured the story carefully
with a pocket tape that lay in front
Of him, cut off 5000 words and handed
them back to me. These words" he
said. ''you may keep. We make no
claim on them at all. You are at
liberty to mako any use Of them that
you like"
But, please protested, you have
cut or all the end OF the story: the
whole conclusion is gone. The readers
can't possibly tell
He smiled at me with something ap-
preaching kindness.
MY dear sir" he said. "they never
get within 5000 words Of the END of a
magazine story. The end is Of no con.
sequence whatever. The beginning,
admit, may be, but the end. Come!
Come.
And. in any case. in our magazine
We print the end OF each story sepa.
Evening star., 1926-03-21

few items I been able to CLEAN be-
tween trains you might say and will
begin with a wd. or 2 in regards to
my orphaned kiddies.
Well 1t seems that of the 4 has
been amusing themselfs by choosing
mottos or slogans and the motto Sc
lected by John, age 13, IS QUAINT est
sapere." which he says means "It is
great to be WISE" but his brother
Jim, aged IL. says the real transla.
ton is ut is great to be a sap" Jim
himself has a motto, brains before
Evening star., 1926-03-21

rately, distributed among the adver-
tisements to break the type. But just
at present we have plenty of these on
hand.
You see,' he continued, for there.
was something in my manner that
perhaps touched him, ''all that is need
ed Is that the last words printed must
have a look of finality. That's all.
Now. let me see" and he turned TO the
place where the story was cut, what
are the last words here-'Dorothy
sank into q chair. There we must
leave her" Excellent, What better
Evening star., 1926-03-21

like for example each Of them has
picked out their favorite men who
they consider the 3 greatest men OF
all time. Johns 3 is II. l.. Mencken.
Geo. Washington and himself. and
Bills Is himself. Lincoln and kipling.
Jim tipped us off that John also had
list of the 5 greatest women and
when asked to name them the big
Nordic said they were Mrs. Percy
Hammond. Marjorie Rambeau, SUI
anne Lenglen and Amy Bemak He
refused to name the 9Th. saving he
Evening star., 1926-03-21


| tom Of hanging paintings on
A/ walls? Yours truly,
ART STUDENT.
Answer. In 612 BIC. there ruled in
Egypt a very vain king. He heard of
an artist who could paint his picture
on canvas. The King, wishing to leave
artist to paint his picture. When it
was completed the King did not like
the painting. He sent his soldiers out
to catch the artist, but they couldn't
find him, SO the King hung the paint
ing.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: My wife is always
picking on me because let her take
in washing and support me. She says
I'm lazy and calls me a 'hydroplane."
I admit everything, but / don't get
that hydroplane. What does she mean
by calling me a "hydroplane"?
Yours truly, I. M. TIRED.
Answer. She simply means you're
no good on earth"
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I have just been
convicted and sentenced to jail for 20
years. I understand a prisoner has
his choice Of jobs when he is sent to
prison. Twenty years is a long time.
Can you tell me what position should
pick out? Yours truly.
A. ITZTUFF.
Answer: When the warden asks you
what you want to do tell him you
want to be a sailor.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: own a cafe which
only does small business. can't
Evening star., 1926-03-21
BY RING LARDEER.


"O the editor: It looks like /
and the little woman had gone
train crazy like the dame in
L Frank Craven's First Year"
and we don't no sooner get
of of one rattler when we climb a
board Of another. nor does II seem
to make much difference where they
are headed for or why. AS these lines
is written, which is a long vile before
they will be read If at all. we are
stopping off at home 3 days to get
a good meal and clean shirt as
travelling raises havioc with shirts
and besides which / have been In the
throws of shirt famine ever since
my favorite garment OF that ilk de-
cided to settle down in Pittsburgh.
Great Neck seems to OF continued
TO thrive during our absence and so
far they amt been no meeting of pro-
test vs.. our going away again so the
only ones that is libel to find fault
Is those OF my admires who likes to
hear news and gossip Of the heavily
mortgaged love nest that I call home
and the queer people / call neighbors.
To pacify same / will set down the
Evening star., 1926-03-21
Mental Tests.

MENTAL tests applied to high
- school freshmen serve to indi
cate what sort of grades the stu
dent will make in abstract subjects.
but in subjects dealing principally
with mechanical actions and material
things they do not predict 80 well. ac-
cording to Prof. j. c. Peterson Of the
Kansas State Agricultural College.
Evening star., 1926-03-21

had forgotten whom she was. 1t may
as well be exclaimed that Amy Bemak
is yrs. old. The ages of the other
8 is not necessary TO the plot. The
selection of Mrs. Hammond will be no
mystery to those acquainted with that
lady, but for the benefit OF those that
amt will state that she has often
been referred TO around our mort
Evening star., 1926-03-21

bravery" The choice of Bill, aged 10.
Is die Rache list suess,' meaning re-
venge is sweet. Maybe il Is just as
well that his general silhouette is
such that his nurse has ordered him
to lay off sweets.
Another pastime in which John and
Bill appears to of been engaged is
selecting their favorite so and SOS,
Evening star., 1926-03-21
BY SAM HELLMAN

<Iv YHY won't you go to the
n concert with me?" asks
wv the frau. Don't you
like good music?"
Evening star., 1926-03-21
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

~ YES" said the editor, leaning
- back in his chair with my
manuscript in his hand, Il
i am very glad to tell you
that wa aro accent inp &-oiIr
Evening star., 1926-03-21
BY ED WYNN.

EAR MIR. WYNN: Can you
tell me the origin Of the Gus.
tom Of hanging paintings on
walls? Yours truly,
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-03-30
BRAZIL MAS0NS-
ON AIR TONIGHT
GIee Club and Orchestra to
Broadcast Here.

The Masonic Glee Club and or
chestra and tabloid minstrel show
Of Brazil, Ind, will be on the radio
program from WFBM, Merchants
Heat and Light Company station,
from 8 to 9 tonight.
The program will consist Of mod
ern and old-time favorite musical
compositions. The organization,
composed of twenty-six Masons, has
been together for eight years, and is
composed of leading business and
professional men of Brazil. The
orchestra, under the direction of c.
w. Damn. consists of eleven pieces.
The Glee Club numbers fifteen
voices.
Because of the large size of the or
%ganization, broadcasting of the pro-
gram will be from the Carr Tire
Company's Studio, Delaware and
Michigan SITS.
The following members will be
heard on the program; James lib
bets, E.~P. Huron, Louis Acheson,
George Ralston, A. E. DAILY, John
Rapson, V. P. George, II. A. Britton,
II. NJ. Buck. Glen Robertson, A. b.
Cooper, W. E. Miller, w. r. Owens,
Walter Bolin, DR.. F. B. Bridges, Sam
Wilton, A. j. Lyle, Albert Heileger,
Charles Woods, Richard Sawyer,
Russell Thompson, J. r. Joiner and
Ernest Hayward. The president of
the club is C. N. Reddie. All Masons
are invited to tune in on the pro
gram or are welcome at the studio.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-03-30

Chinese Gordon as he is COM
monty called, was a British officer
whose love of danger, combined with
a religious enthusiasm which Verged
on Oriental fatalism. crowded his
career with romantic adventures.
one of the secrets of the eXtraor-
dy1ary deeds he accomplished was
hi, genius for leadership, especially
ano3ng non-European peoples.
Ee was the son of a British
oane;al, was educated at the Royal
at Woolwich, and began.
bic ca.eer in the British army in
4Q5o With a lieutenant's commission.
ua sar,ed with conspicuous gallantry
:. +ho Crimean War, and after
wara.C a Asia. At the age of 80, we
end h;n commander of the Ever
vic+orio,s Army Of China, putting
down the TAPPING rebels who sought
80 drivo out the unprogressive
Moncb,,s and to establish "the reign
~ e4ernaJ peace In 1864, within
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-03-30
~ III ~ DRAMA Adventure
r- Il marks life of Chinese
II r.. IN Gordon.


eighteen months af, Gordon had
taken command, the ten-year-old
rebellion which had cost millions of
lives was relentlessly suppressed.
The grateful Chinese thereupon CON
ferred on Gordon the yellow jacket
and the peacock feather of the
mandarin.
The next nine years of his life
were spent in the more prosaic but
perhaps more useful work of con-
structing forts in England and serv-
ing on various international COM
missions. Then in 1873 he accepted
service under Khedive of Egypt, as
governor of the Egyptian equatorial
province. For V years he labored
to establish law and order, but his
work was not very successful.
In 1884, four years after he re-
signed this commission, he was sent
back to the Sudan by the British
government. His commission was
to bring out of the region the Egyp-
ton garrisons endangered by the re-
volt of the "Mahdi' or Prophet. a
religious leader whose aim was not
unlike that Of the TAPPING rebels in
China. But in disregard of orders
General Gordon sought to hold the
district and was besieged in the city
Of Khartum. For ten months the
city held out; when it finally fell
Jan. &c, 1880, two days before a
British relief expedition reached it,
the whole garrison, including its
brave but erratic commander, was
massacred.
The death of Gordon raised a
storm of indignation in England
against the slowness of the Gov
eminent in sending aid. Gladstone.
then prime minister, pointed out
that Gordon had disobeyed his or.
ders in not leaving Sudan when he
could, but public opinion could not
forget his chivalrous heroism and
regarded him as a martyr. So he
was-to his own headstrongness and
the spirit of Imperialism, which,
however, did not rule the councils
of the Liberal government. then at
the helm of England. Tennyson
wrote the epitaph for his tomb in
Westminster Abbey.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-03-30
TREE PLANTING
PLANNED DURING
FORESTRY Elk
Primer Published for Semi
Centennial by ASSo-
citation.

BIZ UHtteu Press
WASHINGTON, March 80. - A
new record for tree planting in
every State in the union is expected
this spring, according to an an
nouncement by the American Tree
Association, which plans to bring
this spring planting to a climax
during American Forest week and
National Garden week, beginning
April 4S.
Thousands of new members are
being enrolled in the tree planting
army, says Charles Lathrop Pack,
president of the association, who
has published the Forestry Primer
to mark 1925, the semi-centennial of
the first step in forestry by the
United States Government. For a
stamp for postage the association
will send anyone this Primer and
free tree planting suggestions. Thou
sands of semi-centennial trees are
being planted and the planters en-
rolling their names on the assOcia-
ton of honor roll.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-03-30
Forestry Primers

In the schools throughout the land
forestry programs marking the semi
centennial will be put on during
american Forest week, the Ameri-
an Tree Association having placed
u hundred thousand of the Forestry
1rimers in the hands of educators.
In this educational feature John J.
sRigert, United States commissioner
education, says: "There is M
ore important lesson for the
merican people to learn than the
iced of growing and conserving
Forests and trees. Our future de-
evelopment as a nation will largely
yhinge upon the success with which
IKE can spread this gospel"
. 6fAe Parent-Teachers Associations
1been sent a message from head
Il ers by Mrs. A. II. Reeve, to
#98 in the semi-centennial celebra-
Mrs. John D. Sherman, presi-
of the General Federation Of
8sN Omen's Clubs is now making a
" a to the Pacific Coast speaking in
4s&lalf of the garden week and home
qualification. A tree planting day
rheduled during Garden week.
Help in Campaign
2TH&Aed Advertising Clubs Of the
$1#A as well as State and county
<XH AME#XA
superintendent, Scout and
Fire Club leaders, according
xyf&, are giving tremendous i'm
the endeavor to get the
Try message before the coming
TENS of America. Their help in
IN campaign" says Pack, lis
pther evidence of their earnest
&R3sire to aid in the constructive
Rhings. D%ovetailed with the co
of newspapers of the land
Ahe Forestry Primers message has
gone to new thousands
Every unit of the Associated Ad-
vertising Clubs Of the World has a
Forest week program scheduled,
based on the Forestry Primer. In
California a battery of speakers 500
strong will put the se~mi-centennial
message before the people at the
direction of the California Develop
ment Association. In Colorado the
semi-centennial Of forestry hooks
up with the States semi-centennial.
The Denver Chamber Of Commerce
and the Colorado Forestry Associa-
ton have big plans under way to be
followed by Statewide tree planting.