The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1926-04-22

The Benevolent
Incendiary
sssasssssnsssssssssss ssssssstss

Il have invented the finest camel"
began the girl who likes to.talk. ''And
I'm the only person on earth playing
it! You can't imagine how many spare
minutes it illumines and how much
destruction wreak doing it!
when I'm in house that / don't
like set my mind TO picking out all
the things / think don't belong, burn
'em up and refurnish the place. / may
be beaming at my hostess in the most
approved fashion all the while and
she hasn't the slightest iuea that on
large and thriving bonfire am piling
her sofa. cushions, the dinky ormolu
table, several vases and most of her
pictures and every last one of her
table covers. When / go away she is
living in a perfectly proper sort OF
room-only she doesn't know it.
81 started on this destructive career
in the days when / lived in the same
town with my grandmother. A friend
of mine and myself often went there
together and we could scarcely wait
till the front door had closed behind
Us before we were at it.
"Now, where shall we begin?" Dora
would cry I move we burn the whole
|. place. Certainly the Swiss chalet that
your relatives copied because they
liked one they saw in Switzerland is
very much out OF place on Dinsmore
street which ia fiat as q pancake and
has elm trees
"pNo,' | would interrupt, i can't
have grandfather and grandmother
thrown out that wayI They may keep
their ridiculous chalet because they
are leading citizens and must be hui
mored-but Wen burn up every last
thing inside!'
THANK goodness!" Dora would
gasp relievedly. / simply cannot en-
dure that carved rosewood parlor set
upholstered in yellow brocade! l
know that rosewood is worth its
weight in gold, but not when it's
stuck all over with dreadful carvings
that can only be busted with the aid
of a cold chisel and a pneumatic gun
Yes, the parlor set must go.'
"'And the engravings of Washing
ton navigating the Delaware and the
group OF petgifled human beings
signing something In Delsarte atti
tudesl'
'And the Brussels rug with the
cabbage roses
And the dining-room set in blond
oak, altho the room is finished in ma
hogany and the caster
'a.Andl all those dewdads in the
spare pom embroidered in daisies
and the bathroom because the shower
is built 10 drown person, not to be
used. really
'And all those cabinets on the stair
landing filed with shells and pieces
of rocks AID china cats and dogs, and
all the tied-back lace curtains and
the
The framed photographs of Cou
sin Lucy and her nine children, and
the Dubbses in their wedding clothes
and
"'And the paraet would interrupt
firmly OF course, I'll chloroform it
first because am humane person.
but I simply despise that moth-eatcn
bird which only yells and shrieks and
will not be induced to join In pleasant
afternoon tea conversation No, Polly
goes on the bonfren
s'Well, it's just as WELL Dora would
agree, Only we might give her to
somebody We hatel Shall we leave the
barn which they have no use for and
which looks as big as a grain elevator
back of that chale.? Do chalet people
have barns anyhow? Don't they stable
their goats and things in the side of
the mountain"
''PefeFe We had settled this point
which was complicated by the fact
my grandparents owned no goat-we
were always at pora's house and /
had to go on before we had refurnish-
ed my grandparents home suitably,
thus leaving poor grandmother and
grandfather without one stick of fur
niture.
"And I have kept up the practice,
Nothing SO depresses my soul as to
enter a pretty little cottage affair
which looks as the its inside was filled
with gay cretonnes and wicker and
painted furnishings and find that the
Wretched owners have hearselike fur
nituFe big enough to fit the Vatican
and gloomy enough tor the temh And
hate like poison to ehteF q big, beau
tiful home with rooms just crying for
chaste Adam furniture and severe
walls and one painting to room and
find everything
"H'm!" said the patient listener. q
feel strangely uncomfortable Just
which Of my possessions have vanish
ed in smoke since you've sat here's"
"Tut, tut!" reproved the girl who
likes to talk. II haven't any matches
with me today"
100 Per Cent Right
Charley. dear" said young Mrs.