Evening star., 1926-10-10

my existence, and why call from
me should ameliorate her lot, were
problems beyond my unraveling.
| What does she say?" inquired Tx
ridge.
| "She wants me to call at half past
| four tomorrow afternoon
| "Splendid!" cried Ukridge. II knew
she would bite"
What on earth are you talking
about?"
Ukridge reached across the table
| and patted me affectionately on the
| shoulder I seemed to fill him with
honest joy, and he suddenly burst into
spirited eulogy.
"Laddie," said Ukridge, IF there s
one thing about you that I've always
| admired, it's your readiness to help a
| pal. One of the most admirable quail
| ties a blOke can possess, and nobody
! has 1t to greater extent than you.
I've had men come UP to me and ask
about you. What sort Of chap Is
| he? they say. One of the very best,
I reply. "A fellow you can rely on. A
bloke who would go through fire and
water to do pal good turn. A bird
with a heart of gold and a nature as
| true as STEEL"
Eyes, I'm a splendid fellow"
agreed, slightly perplexed by this pane
gyric. Get on
Il am getting on, old horse" said
| Ukridge, with faint reproach. What
I'm trying to say Is that knew you
| would be delighted to tackle this little
Job for me. 1t wasn't necessary to
ask you. I knew"
A grim foreboding Of an awful doom
| crept over me, as it had done SO often
| before in my association with Uk-
| ridge.
"Win you kindly tell me what
| you've let me in for now"
| Its nothing, laddie. Just simple,
little act Of kindness. It's like this.
AS ought to have foreseen from the
first, Tuppy proved a broken reed. In
that matter of Dora, you know. Got
| no result whatever. He went to see
my aunt and asked her to take Dora
In again, and she gave him the miss
in-balk. I'm not surprised. / never
had any confidence in Tuppy. 1t was
a mistake ever sending him. It's no
| good trying frontal attack in a deli
cate business like this. What you
need is strategy. You want to think
what Is the enemy's weak side and
then attack him from that angle.
Now, what is my aunt's weak side,
laddie? Reflect, old horse"
| From the sound of her voice, the
only time I ever got near her, I
should say she hadn't one"
| That's where you make your error,
old son. Butter her up about her
beastly novels, and child could eat
out Of her hand. When Tuppy let me
down had a good think. And then
suddenly / got it, went to pal of
mine. a thorough sportsman-you
| don't know hin1--and he wrote my
aunt a letter from you, asking If you
could interview her for Woman S
Sphere It's a weekly paper, which
she takes in regularly. Now, listen,
lladdie. Don't interrupt for moment
You go and interview her, and she s
all over you Tickled to death. OF
course you'll have to do q good deal
of Young Disciple stuff, but you don't
mind that
AFTER you've soft-soaped her till
| she's purring, you get up to 60
Well you say. this has been the
proudest occas sion of my life, meeting
one whose work I have so long ad-
mired' And she says, The pleasure
is mine, old horse And you slop over
| each other a bit more. Then you say
sort of casually. Oh, by the way,
believe my cousin-or sister NO
better make it cousin--I believe my
cousin, Miss Dora Mason. is your sec
retarv. isn't she?' She isn't any such
thing, replies my aunt. I sacked her
three DAYS ago That's your cue, lad
die. Your face falls. you're fright
fully cut UP. You start in to ask her
to let Dora come back. And your
such pals by this time that she can
refuse you nothing. And there you
are. My dear, old son, you can take
| 1t from me that if you only keep your
head and do the Young Disciple stuff
properly the thing can't fail. It's an
| iron clad scheme. There isn't IL flaw
in it,"
| "There is one
| "What is it?''
| "The flaw is that I'm not going any.
where near your internal aunt
| Stanley Featherstonehaugh Ukridge
was wounded to the quick.
| You don't mean to say you're back
ing out?" he said, in a low, Quivering
voice.
| 81 never was in
| "Iaddie," said Ukridge, II want to
ask YOU one question. Have you ever
let me down? Has there been one oc-
casion in our friendship when l have
relied upon YOU and been deceived?
| Not one!'
"Everything's got to have begin
ming. I'm starting now"
But think Of her. Dora! Think OF
poor. little Dora"
"If this business teaches her to keep
| away from you. it will be blessing
In the end"
| But, laddie-'
| suppose there Is some fatal weak
ness in my character. After being
adamant for 10 minutes, finished
breakfast committed to a task from
which nv soul revolted. After all,
as Ukridge said, 1t was rough on the
girl Chivalry is chivalry. Four
o'clock on the following afternoon
found me entering a cab and giving
the driver the address of Heath House,
| Wimbledon Common.
X X X X
MY emotions on entering Heath
| AVA House were such as I would
have felt had been keeping tryst
with a dentist, who, by some strange
| freak, happened also to be duke.
From the moment when butler
opened the door and, after regarding
me with ill.concealed dislike started
to conduct me down q long hall, was
| in the grip Of fear and humility
Heath House is one Of the stately
homes of Wimbledon and it frankly
overawed me- It's keynote was an ex'
treme neatness which seemed to sneer
at my squashy collar and reproach
my baggy trouser-leg. 1t brought
home to me that I was one of the
submerged tenth and could have done
with a haircut. A patch on my left
| shoe, which had had rather com.
! Portable look in Ebury street. stood
out like blot on the landscape. NO,
I was not at my ease; and when l
reflected that in a few moments l was
to meet Ukridge's aunt face to face,
a sort of admiration filled me for the
| beauty of the nature Of one who
would go through all this to help a
! crirl bc had poyor even met