The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1926-03-18
Ills Frightful Afternoon


The first thing that flashed into Van
Riper's startled mind was the APP
palled hope that Camena would never
find out about it. If there is one
thing above another that man hates
it is having mis- wife's cruel Judg-
ment justified.
Camelia had looked so dubious
about leaving him mat afternoon that
he still writhed under the memory.
Il certainly am not going" she had
said, land leave you here alone! If
you're so sick that you have to come
home and go to bed you need atten-
tionH'
Van Ripper had insisted on her keep
ing her engagement. "a good sleep
will fix my headache" he had insist
ed. "I'll be all right"
Something viii happen" she had
persisted. 81 know ought to stay!"
II guess you can trust me not to
get into mischief!" Van Ripper had
said, with great sareast that was total
ly lost in her reminder that he al
ways did when left to his own de-
vices. And now he had done this!
The bedroom window looked out on
the gently sloping roof of the side
porch below. Van Ripper always had
wanted to rig up a sleeping apart
ment on it, but his wife had refused
her consent. She said that he would
certainly roll off during the night. It
was beautifully easy porch for bur-
glar to climb and Calnelia had had the
window fitted with the sort of patent
catch that prevented its being raised
from the outside at all.
Freedom from espionage had led
Van Ripper on this peaceful afternoon
to climb thru the window to the porch
roof, just to see what kind Of sleep
ing porch it really would make. He
was in respectable gray paJamas and
the people next door were away, any
how. AS he climbed out he acciden-
tally whacked the window sash and
the affair, oiled and balanced to 8
nicely, slid down and shut with de-
termined little bang.
Therefore Van Ripper was out on
porch roof in pajamas in broad day
light with a locked window behind
him. This was when he hoped that
Camelia would never know!
Van Ripper weighs close to $50 and
after one look at the porch pillars.
which at that moment resembled
toothpicks, he decided not to climb
down after ALL Anyhow, he would be
no better off, because the cook was
out and he could not get thru the door.
He began to get nervous. He was GER
tain that anybody within one mile
could tell they were pajamas.
'Hey!" he called, as some one went
whistling down the walk by the side
of the house. The whistle ceased,
and gazing up delightedly was the sur
prised and interested face of the worst
small boy in the block.
"Whee, fellers!" he yelled to the
front street. ~Come on'n see the fat
man on the roof! He's going TO
dance!"
I'm going to lick you when 1 get
my hands on you'll" promised Van Rip
er in cold anger.
"Yah-h-h!" responded six small boys
who had arranged themselves in a
semicircle as tho prepared to see 1t
out.
"TIl give you quarter if you'll run
around to the carpenter shop and
have them bring ladder" wheeled
Van Ripper, who had remembered a
basement window.
Make it dollar"
"Pll lick all Of you" Van Ripper as
sured them in deep wrath. He was
getting acutely conscious Of his bare
feet in bedroom slippers. Then the
grocery boy appeared and promised to
get help. The ladder arrived and with
it five more boys and two men from
a plumbing shop.
THAT ladders no good" said one
plumber. He'll smash it sure"
They took it away and brought back
another that seemed built for the safe
passage Of baby elephant. Eight
more boys, the Baffins cook and po-
liceman accompanied the ladder. The
side yard was filled with a vastly en-
tertained crowd which was constantly
recruited from the front street. Be-
fore this mob Van Ripper painfully,
clutchingly made his descent. The
insult was when he heard some one
ask whether it was moving picture
film.
"He's a bum actor" decided one
critic. "Aint he fat"
Touching mother earth Van Ripper
maze a wild dash for the basement
window. 1t was fastened. He burst
in the glass recklessly with brick
and as recklessly tumbled thru it. He
landed up to his knees in the laundry
tubs full Of cold water and clothes
soaking in preparation for the laun-
I,,t AVIAN than Van Rinqr'a ears