davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-11-21
RY sTEPHEN LEACOCK.

llGfAN AkzhAOGAAs
j" VERY time I dine at the Bun
- combtalks. Mrs. Buncombtalk
always says, just after the
IL soup,
'Don't you think the Euro
pean situation looks q little better?
And always answer,
Perhaps" so as to gain time with
another shovelfui OF soup before hav-
ing to remember what the European
situation is.
Then Mrs. Buncombtalk' husband
says, Certainly Mussolini seems to
be doing something and / answer.
"Yes. in a way" After which they
both ask me whether I think that the
Polish claim to the Bukovinian hinter-
land is justified. and ! reply.
I'm a sense yes and in sense
mo-" And make up my mind that as
soon as the dinner is over ] will go
right home and get guide books and
maps and find out what the European
situation really Is.
have been meaning to do this for
about four years. but ] haven't got
round to 1t. l had half hoped that
the European situation would come TO
an end. but it doesn't seem to. And
meanwhile people like the Buncomb
of it at the dinner table, and ] am left
out of my depth.
The point is that ] realize that the
European situation has become so In
tricate and has gone on so long that
ordinary people like myself have lost
track of 1t.
or course. just at the end of the war
everybody knew all about 1t, but, as
the years go by. here are some of the
points on which / have grown hazy
and about which l have to gather up
little information before dine again
with the Buncombtalks:
Who and where are the Jugoslavs2
Granted that they are not the same
as the Czechoslovaks lin fact, most
probably one of them speaks Jugosla-
vic and the other CzechoslovakicD. just
where do they live? Also, they have.
or they used to have, some great am
bition or impulse forget what
some national sin, either to reach the
sea or get away from the sea. We
We're supposed to be tremendously in
sympathy with them-or was it
against them ] remember that we
burned with feeling when we thought
about IL. What was It?
And the Czechoslovaks. surely they
had an inspiration, too--didn't they
want TO move their country some.
where so as to have 1t less UP and
down hin and keep II away from Aus.
tria?
There they were-perhaps they
are there still--a whole lot of little
places that started up; the Let's, anc
Evening star., 1926-11-21

Look de fullish cuzzes wot'll
In de night a fallow stottle"'
Sad I hemptying a bottle,
Whan it came yat teps some MUIR.
Came a topping witt a tettong
Rozzing me from where | vet stoong
Sad ! "Wot's mine Tommy-ket doong
Opp above mine chamber durr2?
Could he be a. Tebby-ket woong
Feeftin fit above de fiurr??
Look. a filline troubadurr..
Prompt I'll gonna put ki-bosll
On de patting poddy-MY n GOSH
Scrimmed r grebbing for a heye.
wash;
tWot could dees be on mine durr??"
Hibby iibbizz.,- Hev / gottem??
Dot lest bottle, deed II stottenn??
Look 1t seets on his Bleck Bottom
Seets Raven on mine durr!
seets dere und ripitts voibotim
Opp above mine cliamber-durr
One word spitches: Naver more
Evening star., 1926-11-21
Xxx mgSgH HBgIsSMH HBIsSMH z8gsSSM

mo ofrense,' said the mother with
a nervous smile
He took the tonahawk and looked
around for some one to throw it at.
TRY that fat gentleman over
there" / suggested II think that he
is going only as far as Denver"
The little boy pulled back his arm,
and threw.
Too bad" / said, but it was
close"
Its bum tomahawk," said. the
boy
''That's not So" I said. flushing
slightly Wait a minute"
| ran and picked up the tomahawk,
which had bounded under one of the
cars.
Now" I said. watch
drew hack to throw and at that
minute the conductor called out, "Ali
aboard
Well said the mother, II think
III take it. anyway
Good" said: I'm sure you will
never regret it. And how about sox
and ties? How about nice Indian
blanket"
no. thank YOU" she said and she
handed me three one.dollar bills
Come. Arthur"
"Al aboard, called out the porters.
| looked anxiously UP and down the
platform. There was no sign of my
Indian friend. waited another three
minutes and then / ran hastily over
to the nearest newsstand and de.
posted my load.
This stuff belongs to that Indian,
I said. Tell him I'm sorry | couldn't
wait"
IAN right" said the bookseller.
And here is SO collected for a
tomahawk." / added.
20. k said the bookseller.
The bell on the engine began to
and here" ! said, turning to go.
"is S5 for one of his blankets | de-
cided to buy
1T isn't worth it." said the book
seller. They're made in Cincinnati" :"
u know It" / said, but "
You'd better hurry interrupted
the other.
/ threw down the money and ran.
The train was just beginning to move
when / reached the step.
My wife was still asleep when /
opened the compartment door. Her
eyes opened as / sat down.
What a lovely blanket" she said.
II got it from an Indian" / re.
piled.
AS the train gathered speed some
one in the next compartment began
to beat on the steel walls of the car
with something resembling ham
mer. Occasionally 1t would stop.
"It's that little boy" said my wife.
"His names Arthur" | replied
Copyright, 1929
Evening star., 1926-11-21

Nuttice plizze--no hom-I'm cumming:
Wot it's tricklock In de munning-
It'll gonna soon be furr.
dun't like you style high-hettish
Ciss de hections plizze coauettish
Odder in form door-mettish
You'll be lying on de hurr!.
Batter In tan sacunds fetish
Axecute a.. Terpsichurr
Lightly hout mine chamberlain.
Bot de deepossass procidding
Feenished opp witt me sternpidding
Like q strik from lightning spidding
Tudds de hexit troo mine durr.
Aggs he slotted opp dere hetching
Und from shalls demsalves detetching
Leetle ravens now are scretching
Opp mine brend-new pocket-finrri
Und SO soon dey flemish scretching
Itch wan LAYS dozen MUIR!
Und I'm hlbby jibhizz ketching,
Trying ] should kipp de scurr
Dots hail dere Ii dere's nothing MUIR.
MTLT GROSS.
tCopyright. 1e26.l
Evening star., 1926-11-21
Language of Birds.

The language OF birds is of three
different types. lecturer recently told
the Royal Institute of London. There
are the alarm notes, call notes ana
the song. The alarm notes associated
with combat did not carry as far
as the song. but were often very
he said. The song was built
up of notes rapidly put together and
the call notes were the call OF the
helpless young asking for their par
ents or of birds when mating.
Evening star., 1926-11-21

LBUQUERQUE comes along
~ about the second afternoon of
the trip from Los Angeles to
4 j New York. Ii is in New
Mexico.
As / wandered along the platform
] was met by an Indian who wanted
to sell me a blanket.
ssNo. thank you / said. wiping the
perspiration off my forehead. NO
blankets"
The Indian seemed disappointed.
These are very good blankets" he
said "They come from Cincinnati
"Rut it's so hot" argued.
The Indian became slightly con-
temptuous.
"Cant you stand little heat?' he
asked. and then he added. Your fore.
fathers could"
You mean the race is falling?" I
asked.
The Indian considered.
ITS very tiifficult to say" he finally
replied. THE standards have changed
So
At that moment another passenger
walked by. The Indian offered his
wares.
no wantum blanket" said the pas
senger. ME buy heap much blankets.
my SQuaw no IKE IL.
An interesting criticism" said the
Indian, and the passenger walked on.
You see" continued the Indian,
there's quite problem involved in
being a member OF a different race.
We Indians feel 1t keenly at times"
IF there's anything l can do |
offered
Well" said the Indian, you might
buy a blanket
But l don't want blanket" OBJ.
jected.
Aren't you forgetting" said the
Indian. the great wrong that the
white people did us, who are really
the original owners of this country"
II had a great.great-gr grandfather.
countered, who was scalped by the
Indians"
What was his name?" asked the
Indian.
jonathan McCumber,' / replied.
"All right" said the Indian, I'm
let you have the blanket at cost. Five
dollars. And out of respect for your
grandfather I'll throw in this genuine
tomai1awk.''
But don't need a tomahawk
thrown In, either" | said, "any more
than my grandfather did
Are you the kind of person" ar
gued the Indian, who thinks because
a thing wasn't good enough for your
grandfather 1t isn't good enough for
you?"
"I'm not that kind of person at
ALL" | objected.
The Indian. considered minute.
We'll" he said at last, "I can let
you have the blanket for $3.50. Frank.
ly." he added. 81 can't go any lower
than that"
I shook my head.
''Is 1t on account of your grand
father?" asked the Indian.
"Of course not" / replied.
Evening star., 1926-11-21

the Latts, and the Lifts. and all those
where are they now2
And / wish Iycould remember, too
whether they We're on our side in the
war. I'd hate them If they weren't.
But of course If they were, they too
must have belonged to those noble
groups Of peoples struggling toward
something that / can't recall.
OF course, this difficulty of the
question of the Allies gets worse and
worse az the time goes by. Every
body remembers that the Germans
were on one, side and the United
States and Canada were on the other;
but when it comes to all this crowd
of European people, there is alb
solutely no way now TO distinguish.
Where did the Poles come in? And
who were the Anatolians and what
did they do? Who is IL that Musso-
lini is going TO attack? Is 1t the same
Evening star., 1926-11-21

mischievous mood you cannot do bet,
ter than give ii a bucketful of water
and something 10 wash--an old cup,
jug or bottle, even some stones or
shells. for this VIII keep the animal
engrossed for hours.
1t seems a pity that this passion
for dabbling in water cannot be turned
TO some useful account. | am sure
that as sculiery maid or laundry
maid it would he in its element
Margaret Strickland in the Strand Magazine.
Evening star., 1926-11-21
Going to Waste.

When visiting friend who had
three grandchildren, one of whom was
a boy, Bobbie. petted him. AFTER 3
while he turned to his grandmother
and said, Hasn't Mrs. 6. got any
little grandchildren"
mo" was the reply.
He hooked. at me sorrowfuily and
aid. "Wfat good grandmother Eos
ing To wasts,'' -,
Evening star., 1926-11-21

Mine curiosity oxcusing
Would you mind plizze hinterdoozing
Who you are to bost mine snoozing
Opp like dees?" / gave rurr.
''Hm--it simms you not a tukker!
Wot's de meter Meester crukker2
Shell / Gull opp Jeemy Wukker?
He should gritt you by mine durr?
He should make spitch q cukker
Opp above mine chamber-durr
You should henswer: sNaver more'??2?
"TaI me haducatey boldly.
witt de spitches lung und Woidy
Are you bleck or jost plain doidy?
Were you like dees hirrtofurr2
Could be maybe you q to.key,
Painted witt de color moiky,
So dot mo SENSATIONS joiky
on de mack wheech you adurr
Should distoib your commit smoky
On Nowamber twantyfurr
IN luckal hootcher-sturr727
asoon de daylight viii be dunuiug,
Evening star., 1926-11-21
The Tyranny of Words

Slogans are well enough In their
way. But after they have served their
purpose and lost their usefulness
there is only about one thing TO do
with them That is, to forget them.
Usually this is a difficult matter. Re
peating them has made q deep impress
sion upon the unthinking To drop
them is like pulling down the old flag
Yet to recognize slogans at their true
worth and to cease employing them
after they have been worn out is a
sign of rather high intelligence. The
British coal miners fought their strike
on the slogan basis: Not a penny
off the pay, not minute on the day
Now they are about to begin negetia.
tions for a settlement, which the car.
rying out of this slogan would make
impossible SO they have simply drop
ped IT. That is what they think of the
tyranny OF words.
From the Philadelphia Public Ledger.
Evening star., 1926-11-21
WASHINGTON RESENTS SLAP.

relief by mixing with the crowd. The
company became silent.
AT the supper which Hamilton glee-
fully provided Morris said, II have
won the bet, but paid dearly for 1t,
and nothing could induce me to re-
peat it,
Evening star., 1926-11-21
A Business Man.

"Auntie, can you change dime for
me?"
How do you want it changed,
dear?"
Into quarter. please"
Evening star., 1926-11-21

crowd as before. or another set
altogether?
| think 1t would serve an excellent
purpose If somebody would make up
Evening star., 1926-11-21


Hm--Rilly? Is dees fect??
YY ANcE oppon a meednight
w While sa.r.,, rad = ree'eia
Pitches EIinnan eating
lirry--
Odder peectnres on Page Furrt;
Gradually came a whecking
Tut |: "F'eitlehaum is smecking
Witt a razor strep shellecking
Goot for noting Isidore.
Smecks heem where de pents lis
lecking
In de rirr from Isidore.
Wheech hez heppened huff befurr..
''Idder dees ii could be odder
Ginsboig's goot for noting brodder
Wot he's fool from fire-wodder
Makes a herror in de durr.
VI YI--~YI YI-YI YI--YI VI
Plizze'li some one tell me why /
/ Got to hentehtain a pie-eye?
Ha?" Imottered gatting surr,
Got to hentertain a pie-eye wot he'll
Seeing vat by de scurr
Tsentimental sungs from yurr??r
80 EeeNe ShOtI, WhOoeeZlt
~omming tricklock witt weesit
| Witt .Brennigan axqueesite
| Witt bonn on foidermore?y
| Open wide / trew de puttal
| stending dsre was not mutual.
Heb. heh, heh' gave chuttle
why deedn't tutt befurr2?
/ Sotch dope" ! gave a chuttle
Mot to nuttice II befurr-- s
Cohen tecks coppets on de hurr!
Evening star., 1926-11-21

any dictionary and may be a colo
quialism meaning, perhaps, clowns or
funny merl
Evening star., 1926-11-21

A medical authority declares that
hearty sneezing Is evidence of a ro-
bust constitution. People In feeble
health seldom sneeze.
Evening star., 1926-11-21
Gross Exaggeration-I a Dumb-Waiter
'Geeve Look Is in Again de Raven
By MILF GROSS.

Dear Milt:
Regarding your recent piece on
The Raven: What's the big idea of
stalling? My opinion is that you did
the burlesque In prose because you
couldn't do II In verse;.
HEFF PEE HEDDEMs.
Dear r. r. A:
Hm--Rilly? Is dees a fect??
Il -
Evening star., 1926-11-21
BY RING LARDNER.

w YE now come to my first mar
n I riage. The girl was born
wv Laplander and landed in
my lap during the course
Evening star., 1926-11-21

. VERY time I dine at the Bun
combtalks. Mrs. Buncombtalk
always says. just after the
soup,
Evening star., 1926-10-01

Mr.. Pierce reached the northern
part of Florida by automobile Sunday
morning. September 10, but was un-
able to arrive in Miami until Thurs
day owing to the military barriers.
Thursday when I drove to Miami"
he continued, roads were cleared, the
Miami streets were cleared and the
Coral Gables streets were cleared and
the sound of hammers and saws was
everywhere Hundreds of trucks
were moving the limbs, leaves and
Evening star., 1926-10-01
MIAMI LAWYER AYERS
CITY REEVES QUICKLY
Only Neglected Parts, He Says,
Will Show Effect of
Storm Soon.

Miami "came back 10 minutes after
the storm was over and is so rapidly
rounding into shape that only the
neglected parts of the city will This
Winter show any effects OF the storm, ="
Charles r. Pierce, lawyer. Of that city,
said in a letter to the Editor of The Star.
"Of course" Mr.. Pierce wrote,
there has been considerable distress
because Of the fact that there were
numbers of persons in Miami of the
transient class and the semi-perma-
nently laboring class living in the out
lying districts in quarters resembling
camps more than residences and who
never are much ahead financially.
Most of the hotels. for example,
are already open and most of the res
taurants are serving food regularly.
The principal destruction was to the
public service companies and they are
rapidly repairing their lines"
Evening star., 1926-10-01

newspaper reporters asked Johns
mother for permission to print the
letter when it arrived. Mrs. Steven
son refused. She was polite, but firm,
and indicated that she felt the letter
would be too intimate and personal
to be spread before the public.
In order that John would not be
annoyed his mother kept him home
from school. Mrs. Stevenson refused
to see callers and would not let it be
known whether the letter arrived
Evening star., 1926-10-01
LETTER "FROM GRAVE"
TO BOY UNREVEALED
Whether John Stevenson oct Mis-
sive Promised by Father, Who
Died, Is Mystery,


VINELAND, n. j., October L
Whether 6-year-old John "Dickie'
Stevenson received letter from the
grave" yesterday, his mother and
other members of the family would
not say. Johns father, a veteran of
the World War, died last April, and
a search of his box Of private papers
revealed letter to his son to be
opened when the father passed away.
In this letter the father admonished
the boy to be good to his mother and
added that each year. until you are
big. you will get a letter from your
daddy Dick on your birthday, and
then you will get your last letter when
you are married"
Yesterday was Johns birthday, and
Evening star., 1926-10-01

By the Associated Press.
NEW YORK. October 1.-Comdr.
Richard Z. Byrd will make 1000
mile tour of the United States in the
Fokker plane in which he flew over
the North Pole. The flight is being
backed by the Guggenheim Founda-
ton and is sponsored by the Derart-
ment of Commerce. 1t is expected to
require about six weeks.
The plane will start from Washing
ton October Z 1t will make its first
stop in New York, then leave on the
10th for Albany, Syracuse. Rochester,
Evening star., 1926-10-01
Byrd to Make 7,OOO-Mile Tour of u. S.
in Plane That Took Him to North Pole

Buffalo and other cities on the Great
Lakes, to Chicago. then to Kansas
City and ST. Louis. From st. Louis
the fight will cover Texas, then north
ward toward Salt Lake City and the
Pacific Coast
The return will be made by way of
Denver and the Southern route up the
Atlantic Coast.
Comdr. Byrd's pilots will be Floyd
Bennett, who was with him on the
polar flight. and Lieut.. Brent Balchen.
whom Byrd brought to this country
from Spitzbergen.
Evening star., 1926-10-01

debris. and hundreds of householders
were themselves making the minor
repairs. such as putting in screens
and glass and trimming and straight
ening shrubbery and trees and the
Evening star., 1926-10-01
FOUR BANDITS ROB
BANK OF $4,000
Citizens of North Dakota
Community Join in Pursuit
of Armed Band.
By The Associated Press.

By the Associated Press
NEW ROCKFORD, \. OAK, Octo-
Der l.-Citizens deserted their busi-
ness places and homes to join with
officers I'm trailing four robbers who
Yesterday held up and robbed the
First National Bank of New Rock
ford. escaping in motor car with
approximately $4,000. Part of the
loot Is in registered bonds The posse
formed and started in pursuit only "a
lew minutes after the robbery oc-
CURED.
The automobile has a Minnesota
license plate. All towns in the vicinity
Of New Rockford were notified. and
highway patrols were established
along every thoroughfare leading
from New Rockford
Gang FIOurishes Pistols
While one man sat at the wheel of
a motor car in front of the bank the
other three entered. drew pistols and
forced eight customers into a corner
and four bank employees into a vault
They attempted. but failed. to lock the
cashier, TWO assistants and a book
keeper in the vault
According to Lynn W. Schwoebel.
The cashier. two Of the robbers wore
blue oNeralls. one pair badly soiled,
and the other suit comparatively new
New Rockford is about 120 miles
northwest Of Fargo on the Great
Northern. This section of the State
l. sparsely settled ana towns are far
apart.
Roads Mere Trails.
Roads in some places are mera trails
across Mar land The Minnesota bor-
der is 100 miles east of New Rockford.
The Devils Lake section. with its ex-
ttanse of waste land. is directly north
tf New Rockford
Officials announced after recheck
nat, as stated, approximately $50. 900
nad been taken. About 100000 was in
ash and coupon bonds and about
$50 600 WAS in registered bonds.
The people of Iceland are unusually
lDpo-liNptl living to an average of 6l
Evening star., 1926-10-01

The people of Iceland are unusually
long lived, living to an average of 81
years.
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1926-12-17
Burton's Bible Class

Men Of Burons Bible Glass, who with your ladies fair
Are gathered here tonight at annual Glass affair
To parake of Mrs Evans eats and talk and laugh shout
To enjoy the merrymakng and shut the gloon without
To list to wit aud wisdom and fiji your cheek and ow
And have feast of reason, well as flow of soul
We have splendid leader, a of wonlrous pith
Fate could conceal him by naming him plain Smith
His Brother, too is noted, but | must hasten
For here are many good ones, and Mclnire is
Ed the Stewart might mention, A. b. Cook and Frazier
For keeps them very busy Cheating The devil of his due
There Nysted the builder his price + dear
lie must be good for Rev Fretz $ living very near.
Then Frank the Berry grower money maker He
And Harry, go-getter Now Gents believe you
The way he drives the nifty Star, shows he is win
To tell VanlIouses' virtues, would surely be sin
We have Doctor and Dentist keep feeling fine
But if visit them often they II your dough
When Quaremaster you visit two fine fellows you will
One of them is Ftnton. an, the other is Billngsley
Then Merchant Coy. He does take your tin
And with that most engaging m He takes your shees in
Some of live upon the Hill an others in the boiler
But say of of there's nauqht above collar
Now there's many others might ntion but these will nan
But if you ask viii tell you they get Just the same
Bill. WHITFIELD,
a Cousin OF Bill Shakespeare
Vashon Island news-record. [volume] (Vashon, Wash.) 1919-1954, 1926-12-17
FORTY SECOND BIRTH
DAY OF METHODIST
EPISCOPAL CHURCH

Mr.. Markham, the grand old
man of Vashon, was honored last
Sunday, when presented with a
huge cake, on which were burn
ing Il candles. lie is 81, and the
Log Church is ~, but both are
good for many more years of hap
Ply service.
The visit OF Rev. DR.. Warner for
the Anniversary Services was
greatly appreciated. Large crowds
attended, and enjoyed also the
wonderful lunch generously pro
yided by the many friends.
The anthems, beautifully sung,
were Nearer My Coo, to chorai
setting, and selection from 1.-The
iloly CITY,
Speeches representing Vashon
life prior to Nineteen Hundred.
were delivered by Father Mark
nam, Uncle Tim Thompson, Mrs.
4. 2. Blackburn, Mr.. A. 4. lions
land, Miss Markham, Mr.. ana
MIS-. Berry, Mr.. and Mrs. b. Reed.
Speeches representing Vashon
since Nmteen Hundred, were de-
livered by Revs. Warner, Ander-
son and Herd, Mr.. and Mrs. Gan
l., Mr.. r. w. f. Martin, Miss
Evelyn Edwards. Mr.. Herbert
Ward and others.
a synopsis oil recent addresses
given by Bishop Huston and Supt.
4. II. Cole, of Seattle Public
Schools, was given in the evening.