The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1926-07-30
SENATOR REED
DECL Ares WAR
ON BOURGEOIS
Declares He Does Not
Want Presidency
BUGHOUSE FABLE No. 7
BY Our Retiring Reporter.

BY Our Retiring Reporter.
Senator James A. Reed, grand in
quisitor of crooked politicians and
capitalists who think this is England
and can do what they like, received
your retiring reporter with open arms
at his headquarters in the Congress
Hotel.
The senator was playing with the
tip of a silk handkerchief that was
peeping from his upper coat pocket,
with one hand, while9with the other he
was flecking specks of,.powder off his
silk shirt.
Glad to see a reEolutionist" he
chirped. "If there is, anything can't
stand it is listening to those scurvy-
soule,, Doodle hounds who are fooling
the masses, robbing the nations
wealth and bringing shame on the
country.
This goes for democrats as we'll
as republicans" he continued. ''If l
had to live my life over again would
avoid a capitalist political party as
would a plague. Look at those fat
boys hanging around the lobby waiting
to shake hands with me. I would
rather massage a crocodile's belly
than touch one of their fms"
Then the senator got jovial.
HELL" says he, "its a shame that
can't offer you something. l am one
of the few American politicians of any
standing who would afford to take a
drink in public if such were available.
Borah chews tobacco but that would
not hinder his election to the presi-
dency of the United States. Tobacco
chewing is a national virtue. Washing
ton must have had the habit. l would
not care to be president tho l admit
it's great honor. Not that the lime
light hurts me, but when fellow is
president he must stop swearing more
or less. And furthermore, under the
capitalist system, you know how it is,
the president does not rule. How
would it look for a fellow like me to
take his orders from Morgan, insult
or George E. Brennan"
admitted that I could not imagine
the senator taking kindly to such in
voluntary tutelage. He continued.
"Do you know what I am doing
here? Bet you don't. Even young La
Toilette is at sea about it. He thinks
| am chasing corruption. Why, / am
more accustomed to corruption than
any man in America. If you ever come
to Kansas City, III show you some
thing. Not that 60 in for it, but its
there and nobody IN help it. as long
as capitalism lasts. What l am actual
ly doing here is exposing the rotten
system on which corruption thrives.
Lots Of people will throw fits be-
cause Sam insult purchased Smith,
and Brennan and gave money to
Deneen's group in order to assassinate
Mckinley, tho Deneen supported Mac.
And how it makes me wriggle in my
seat when some one says that insult
was against Mckinley because the
senator was for the world court. Hel's
bells insult jolly old Englishman
who goes to London three or four
times a year to look at the horse
guards at Whitehall!
"They can't kid me, and tell it to
the world thru The DAILY WORKER.
Mckinley was grabbing something
Sam wanted. Hence the scrimmage.
And George E. Brennan! Damn his
democratic double chinl He gives me
gas on the stomach. tell you what
we want here is a revolution. There is
nothing l would like better than be
! minister of justice in a nice, snappy
Soviet administration. | would make
some of those fat boys dance"
Just then the telephone rang. The
senator picked UP the receiver.
1t was George e. Brennan.
What would you say to a little
something tonight" George was say
ing, "a quiet little party, with some
thing, you know what | mean? Want
talk over world court, league of ma
tons, entangling alliances and Robert
r. Grove"
THAT little something appeals to me
George" replied the senator. II sug-
gest that when you get to Washington,
provided Sans money isn't all burned
up by election time. you make your
favorite bootlegger your private sec.
rotary. There Is nothing that puts bill
thru committee better than a good
private secretary. I'll be there George
Good scout Georgesr remarked the
senator to me after he parked the
phone" Would be all right but he's
In with a bad gang. He's human and
understands people. We'll, this old
world is not such bad place after all.
Well, call again tomorrow"
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