davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1926-04-18

/ guess he considered it a small mat.
ter and it escaped his mind.
On account as soon we was on the
train Cousin Egbert took the seat next
to me and swung around to talk, leav.
ing Geo. q. fine view of the pattern
on the back of his decent chair, while
Cousin Egbert told me all about how
he loved the cornmon-people, how they
was really much better then we was,
and how the luXuries OF life meant
absolutely nothing to him-what he
working man. He was strong for him.
the stronger the better.
:; x
WELL, by that time we had come
into the city, and George says
what the heck, there amt q street car
in sight. But Cousin Egbert says,
hey, taxi, and in we got. And I says
we might of gone on the subway, and
Cousin Egbert says ah yes, we might.
after all simple things are best, we
make mistake. big mistake, allow
ing our Vision of Life to get all clouded
up by too much luxury.
He got so interested telling about
the error OF material things that he
never even noticed when Geo. paid
the taxi fare: that is, until Geo. COM
menced bawling the man for charging
him for the fact the meter was
broken. Good Heaven. says Cousin
Egbert, don't allow a mere inanimate
thing like money to get your goat,
George, YOU hadn't ought to let ma
terial things ride you like that! And
I give Cousin Egbert d, look of ad-
miration and my backing and I says,
yes. indeed. George, there is no use
in leaving our minds get sordid when
life Is so full of beauty. And Cousin
Egbert give me a grateful look and
says how understanding you are, dear
Cousin Jennie. And then we went on
into the restaurant.
Well, the restaurant Cousin Egbert
suggested was the famous one known
all over the world and Cousin Egbert
said he had always despised this IA.
nous string of hotels, which they have
them all over Europe and the CONT
nent and so forth. as well as in the
leading cities of the L. S. A. Of
America. He had always despised this
hotel, see, because Of the things 1t
typified, the wanton, hideouS luxury of
wealth, and the falseness of fashion
ableness. or something. But he had
never been in one OF these hotels be-
fore, and now he was glad to take this
opportunity Of confirming his suspi-
cions.
And that wasn't all he took. neither.
He took Canopy of picked popovers
a IL mud. He took soupe de Super
f1uous, tout suite. Then he had the
French equivalent for fried-fish. fresh
imported, stuffed Chinese duck with
new green potatoes and ripe walnuts,
q salade la garbage, q Peach Melba
at grand opera prices, bit or a bite,
ain't sure which, of cheese. and a
small cup of demi-tasse coffee. And
since l and George couldn't read the
Evening star., 1926-04-18
BI RING LARDNER.

"O the editor: Armed with let.
ters of introduction from what
/ have dubbed the Big Town
Il we swept down on Hollywood
one March morning and was
reed. by most OF the screen celebrities
with well concealed enthusiasm. At
the Famous Players Studio we run
acrost old acquaintances in the per
son Of Alan Dwan. Charlie Furthmann
and Marshall Neilan. The pictures In
the making were The Rainmaker, 50
Beau Geste." Naughty Cinderella" :"
and Rex Beach's "Padlocked." This
was my first visit to a big studio dur
ing the filming OF heart gripping ro-
nance.
/ had read and heard that these
giants of the film world could not even
begin to start 10 act unlest a orchestra
was playing "Humoresque" or Bar
carolle," but always thought 1t was
just gag till seen 1t with my own
eyes. l asked one budding star IL the
music really did have any effect on
her and she said she couldn't do any
thing without it. Afterwards
watched her in scene with full Or
chestral accompa niment and II seemed
to me like she must be almost stone
deaf
The thing that impressed me the
most In this and the other big studios
was that everybody that Is getting
more than n beginners salary. say
$4,000 per wk., has their own chair to
set in with their name painted on 1t
and though the chairs is all exactly
alike, no real artists can feel they's
a load off his #. unlest he is Settinf
in his own chair. AS picture actors
@oes more setting than anybody ex
cept ball players, 1t Is no more than
natural that they should want ant
have chairs, but it come to me like
a bolt from the blue that a chair with
your name on it would be any more
settable than a anonymous chair.
My first act when I get back home
will be to have my name in full on the
chair I generally always set in and II
catch one Of the kiddies setting in
that chair I will have one of the
hired help give him a kind OF a hint
that he Is de trop. / CLEANED that this
Is proper procedure from a episode
that took place vile we was watching
Buster Collier and Georgia Hale do
a love scene In 1.-The Rainmaker." The
young lady with me was setting in
chair inscribed with the name Of Ern-
est Terrence, who was also playing in
the picture, but not in that scene. A
polite attendant come over and asked
her would she mind changing chairs
and he give her Buster Golfers chair,
Evening star., 1926-04-18

went to see, and naturally they was
full of luxury and what there was
IN the way of costumes was eX-
tremely expensive and could of been
measured by the carat rather then by
the yard. And naturally this give
Cousin Egbert a dandy chance to tell
US a lot about the falseness and vice
Of being rich because 1t produced this
kind of thing. such as we was seeing
at this very moment. and he also told
US how he really preferred plays by
composer called Ibsen. where they
come out in all their clothes, and the
mind got appealed to, and how he
loved the mind and simple things such
as the great open spaces.
!; i y X
A ND George says, well, old timer.
there seems to me to be plenty of
great open spaces between the cos
tune parts right here. And Cousin
Egbert says how typical, and I says
how vulgar of you, George. Let's get
out of here, says Cousin Egbert. the
atmosphere chokes me. let us leave
the very minute the last act is over,
and go get snack of supper at one of
the good night clubs before I take a
train and my departure.
So we done that little thing, and
paid Il five dollar cover charge per
each at the Club Yourroll sos Cousin
Egbert could tell us, in the proper
atmosphere, how sick such pretenses,
such getting away from the natural
things of life, made him. And then,
while George was paying that check.
Cousin Egbert rushed out and grabbed
his suitcase which he had checked
outside, this being the one check he
attended to. and he rushed out to save
time, on account it was after midnight
and he was going to Chicago on the
one O'Clock to spread his doctrines and
knock off little art.
Naturally We didn't try to detain
him from such a noble errand, and we
went on over to the depot, and while
Geo. was buying his reservations for
him, Cousin Egbert was telling me
goodbye, holding both OF my hands,
and looking into my eyes and telling
me I had a wonderful soul, and that
some day he hoped to see me loosed
from the trammels of wealth. out and
away from this sitting environment,
and free from all my money.
So then we put him on the train,
and by that time his last wish, the
one about me being free from all my
money, had just about come true.
And as we turned to the simpler
esbleE Things VI ile, iI tHc SHAPE "a
the subway. we having only one-forth
of n dollar left, Geo. give me one of
his butter and egg remarks-only this
time it was melted butter and eggs.
So. he says. DO you still think that
money isn't everything? And I says
ah yes, dear, there are things in life
far more wonderful than money. And
the greatest of these is the ability to
get all the luxuries of wealth without
its costing you a cent!
Copyright. 1920
Evening star., 1926-04-18
Miners Hold Record.

THERE We're 270,045 women be-
tween 35 and A. years of age who
became mothers in 1924 in 2s States,
according to the Department of Com
merce. The total number of children
ever born to these mothers was J.70S.-
927, which was an average of 81 per
mother, and the total number of chill
dren living was 1,450, sos, or an aver
age of So per mother.
Considering only mothers between
35 and 80 years of age, those who
were the wives of coal mine oper-
atives had the highest average num-
ber of children G.4), and the wives of
chemists, dentists, physicians, metal
lurgists, assayers and technical engi-
neers the lowest average number of
children (3.3 eachl. The highest num-
ber of children living t6) appears for
the wives of coal mine operatives, and
the lowest average number Of living
children (2.9) for the wives of dentists
and technical enGiDeeG&
Evening star., 1926-04-18
DON'T CALL FOR HELP; CALL FOR WITNESSES:
remember it all this time?" Thatn
cure her.

remember it all this time?" Thatn
cure her.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: Is it uniucky to
postpone your wedding day
Yours truly,
I. NJ. DolNGIT.
Answer: Not if you keep on posi-
poning IL.
Dear AIr Wynn: My wife fights
with me all the time because / won't
get my hair cut. claim it looks
good. but she says it is too long. Dc
you think l should have it cut short
Yours truly.
BOB BURR.
Answer: The only trouble with q
man having his hair cut short is that
he is often mistaken for his wife.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: / am a cook in a
private home. There are no marks OIL
the faucets in the kitchen to show the
/ hot water and cold water. I have
scalded my fingers nearly every day.
What can / do 10 prevent this from
happening again? Yours truly.
1. NJ. DUNE.
Answer: just feel the water first.
Dear Mr.. wynn: have lost all my
money anu ain DTOhc- "A lOIluHS tGAISI
told me that when the soles of my
shoes wear out. l will be on my feet
again. Do you believe it?
Yours truly.
CLAIRE NOYANT.
Answer next week.
THE PERFECT FOOL.
Copyright. 1920
Ed Wynn. as he has often told you. IS
one Of the wisest men IN the world He
sees all--he knows all. DO you think you
can stump him with any kind of question:
If you do. send II TO him in care of this
pspe' and watch for his reply.
Evening star., 1926-04-18

remember a fraction of those we was
introduced to.
And our last day in Hollywood we
was taken in toe by Teddy Hayes who
used to train Jack Dempsey. Teddy
can get in more places than Houdini
can get out of and is welcome every
Evening star., 1926-04-18

crowd who doesn't like me and every
time I tell a joke she always says:
THAT joke is 40 years old" How can
cure her? Truly yours
JOE KING.
Answer: The next time you tell
joke and she says That joke is 40
years old you say TO her: And you
Evening star., 1926-04-18
to kiss you, don't call for help. Call
for witnesses.

Dear Mr.. Wynn: ] go with crowd
OF boys and girls and once a week we
meet and those who can sing do SO,
while others just tell jokes and stories.
tell jokes. There is one girl in the
Evening star., 1926-04-18

Answer: The only trouble with q.
man having his hair cut short is that
he is often mistaken for his wife.
Evening star., 1926-04-18

Dear Mr.. Wynn: Is it unlucky 10
postpone your wedding day
Yours truly,
nH,IN,f-r TT
Evening star., 1926-04-18

~ n the train the other day
looked up from the book l
was reading-it was called
Five Thousand Facts About
Evening star., 1926-04-18

A S that famous yachtsman. Sin
~ bad the Sailor. wrote in his
"A book, "Fishy Statistics Drawn
4 a to Scale" when sailing along
through life. Inst rememher
Evening star., 1926-04-18

Answer: Not if you Keep on post
poning IL
Evening star., 1926-04-18

the editor: Armed with let
ters of introduction from what
I have dubbed the Big Town,
Il we swept down on Hollywood
ono March I,nnrnin0 Ind rr,n e
The Washington times., 1926-11-19
ASKS WOMEN TO BOOST
DRIVERS LICENSE LAW

CLEVELAND. Ohio. Nov. 49,
s'Women drivers should stand to.
Eether solidly for a drivers license
law" believes Edward ]. Donahue,
commissioner Of traffic.
1T is the woman. the mother, who
suffers the deepest anguish when
one OF her children Is injured or
killed by an incompetent driver.
The mother who is an automobile
driver has a double reason to desire
his Punishment. She herself, care
ful and skilled driver because Of her
interest in humanity. is liable to be
killed or injured by another driver
unfit to drive"
The Washington times., 1926-11-19
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES

.CustoMssy-What are your
eggs today?
Fresh clsrk-Why. sggs are
EGGS today.
Customer-WeH, you'd better
hurry an sell 'e11s they'll Be
ehicksas tonaOrrOEOf
r. II. Payne, OF cherrydaIe,
Va, kills the buck today.
Who'll shoot the dough tomor..
row? One dollar for each joke
printed. Send 'em TO the Hick
Editor.
The Washington times., 1926-11-19
J. w. Powell

Cincinnati, ohio.-''Last winter /
was down with my stomach. could
not eat-had bIoating and distress.
Sometimes / had to sit up at night,
II I ate anything at all. / tried
many remedies but could not get
anything to do me any good. A
friend advised me to try DIR. Pierce's
Golden Medical Discovery. took
four bottles, but It gave me relief
at once. I can say the Golden
Medical Discovery helped me when
everything else failed. am a
well man and sleep good at night. .
-. w. Powell. Iii w. 9Th st.
Correct your stomach and i'm.
prove your health with this Dis
covery' Of DR.. Pierce's. Strength
and vigorous vitality will follow.
Write DR.. Pierce. President In
vaiids' Hotel in Buffalo, ". Y, for
free medical advice or send 10c for
trial pkg. tablets.
The Washington times., 1926-11-19

rThanksg You canC
N
The Washington times., 1926-11-19

BECAUSE, FIRST Of all my Credit Plan is
most generous ever offered in the city Of Wash
ington.
SECOND, because my prices are the same as the
prices Of cash stores, and anything sold III my
store is sold under guarantee to refund your
money il you can buy cheaper for cash
THIRD, because make real friend Of every
customer by a strict observance Of the Golden
Rule" in every transaction you have with me.
When you buy from me on credit you can easily
understand why this store is already one Of the
most popular IN the whole city
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
INDIAN MILLER HELD
NOT GUILTY MURDER
OF ELMER CUNDIFF
Continued from Page One)

said about Miller telling Cundiff
and his telling his wife about it.
Arthur M. Riordan, assistant cash
ier First National bank of Flagstaff
was called to stand by defense and
Mr.. Ferguson proceeded to qualify
MIN as a hand writing expert. Then
he asked him to compare the accouns
/ sheet Mrs. Cundiff had admitted was
her writing and the letter she gave
Miller and which she denied was her
writing or that she ever had seen it
before. State strenuously objected
ana introduction of letter ruled
against. Mr.. Riordan excused.
Friday afternoon, James M. Shep-
ard of st. Johns, civil engineer, said
lowest place in the wall behind VII III
Cundiff returned to his death in 2
ler's home, was six feet.
May Miller, 16-year-old daughter
Of the defendant, who is a graduate
of San Diego high school and cham
pion girl back-stroSe swimmer Of the
Pacific coast, was called to prove that
there were two tables in the room
in which Cundiff was killed.
Defense rested.
Defendant called to stand by state,
to tell how tall he is. Said six feet
one and half inches, and that Earl
Cundiff was about five feet eight.
County Attorney Harrison asked by
Judge j. E. Jones if he had any re-
buttal to offer, asked the court if the
jury might be taken to Canyon Lodge
to view the premises where the kill
ing occurred. Ferguson for defense
said he had no objection except it
was a waste of time and expense in
view of the fact that plats and dia-
grams of the premises had been much
used during the trial Judge Jones,
decided that it was within his rights
to rule whether or not the jury
should be taken to the scene of the
killing, and declared recess during
which he had T. G. Johnson, hold-up
man arraigned before him.
Sheriff J. O. Parsons recalled by
the state, was questioned about al
legged robbery in February Of the
Cundiff store.
r. C. Kaufman, Winslow banker,
where Cundiff banked, testified that
he had never seen evidence in his ac
tions of insanity.
Charles McCauley, Winslow attor-
ney, said Cundiff's reputation in
Winslow was good. Saw no indica
tions of insanity, though had convers-
ed with him only twice.
V. H. Driver, bottling works man,
Of Winslow, E. Harbin, of the Dagg
Mercantile company, Winslow, A. r.
Kleindienst, postmaster at Winslow,
corroborated. None of these witness
ses knew anything of Cundif's repu-
tation at Canyon Lodge.
Louise, widow of Cundiff, recalled
by the state, said her husband was a
very strong man.
State rested and Judge announced
testimony was concluded. He had de-
MED the request of the state to take
the jury to Canyon Lodge.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Explaining the Marks

II want to get off at Podunk,
said the cash-fare and slightly soused
passenger"
Sorry" said the conductor, "but
this train doesn't stop at Podunk.
"But it does! | read it in the
timecard,' said the passenger, getting
wrathy.
"Let me see the time card where
it says so" said the conductor pac-
iently.
''Here it says so-with that little
letter a. beside it"
"But that's a conditional STOP ex-
planned the conductor.
"What condition" 2"
"Well, it means," said the conduc-
tor coldly and finally, that when a
chap is in your condition it won't
stop to let him off, badly as the con-
ductor hates to carry him any further.
And that "a stands for always"
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
A Saving STYLE

She was trying to reason with the
poor boob on the day the monthly
bills came in.
"You, see Isimply had to have all
these new things. Everything's Egyp-
tian now and they've dug up Tutank-
hamen, and"
Yeah - growled the brute. "Well
all l gotta say is | hope they dig up
Adam next"
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Vivid Remembrance

Not so long ago there died in
Washington a man who for many
wears had been the chief of one of
the government bureaus, a man not
ed for his strict ideas Of discipline.
AS a clerk in his bureau was
dashing madly down the street, a
friend stopped him.
s'Why the deuce are you in such a
tearing hurry"
"'I am going to the funeral of my
chief" exclaimed the clerk, "and
there is nothing he hates like un-
punctualitY."
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Same Old Line

"My friends" GRATED the politician
who was willing to do anything so
long as he didn't have to go to hard
work, "at the end of my last term
had not a cent more than at it's be-
ginning"
Easy come-easy CO." murmured
a voice from the background.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
His Progress

An old southern planter met one of
his former negroes whom he had not
seen for long time. "Well WE'LL!
said the planter, What are you doing
now Uncle Amos 2"
else preachin' of de gospel"
"What! You preaching
"Yassah marster, rs a-preachin."
"Well, we'll! Do you use notes Z"
"Nossuh. At de fust | use notes,
hut now | demands de cash,
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
information Bureau

The ship was lying in the harbor
of southern town, when one Of the
natives went on board and addressed
the cook, who was Irish:
"Are you the mate ?" he 2sked.
NO." said the cook; "but Ohm the
man as boils the mate"
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Mot Ho. Mates; The Nets!

A newly married couple were stand-
ing on the main deck of an ocean lin
er gazing out to sea.
ooh Jack" she cried, suddenly
bursting into tears, Give just dropped
my ring overheard"
"There, there dear, don't cry" he
called, as he dashed away toward the
bridge. "I1l have the captain stop
the ship and get it back for you."
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Evidently

First Farmer: "How does your
hired man like your new radio,
Josh"
Second Farmer: "Fine. Only he
mistakes everything he hears for bed
time stories"
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Calamity Ayerted

Absent-minded Man. MARY, have
you seen my hat"
Mary: "Why Henry! It's on your,
head"
A. M. NJ: "Graciousl SO it is.
nearly went out without it.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

The Actor: s'Have you special
terms for actors, madam
The Landlady: Eyes, | ave; but |
'ope I'm too much of lady to use
them."
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

English Prof.-Correct this sent
ence: Before and damage could be
done, the fire was put out by the
volunteer fire department.
Frosh.-"The fire was put out be-
fore any damage could be done by
the volunteer fire department"
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
MWxW


the
celebrate
assemble for big military display and parade headed by General Peg
Old Fencbles
in striking
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

"Why is a clock always in great
danger?"
Because its hours are numbered. .
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

Lon Chaney had to get a hump on
himself to play tsThe Hunchback of
Notre Dame"
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
Your Guess Now

Your Guess Now
He stood in the street at midnight,
AS the autos homeward sped.
He was very much struck by tht
sight
But that isn't why he is dead.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02
PROMOTED

Young Willie Jones, who drove about
Our petty lieut.. in time Of war,
Was jealous Of one Percy Stout,
Who drove the regimental car.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

But Willie now that he is back.
Has left poor Percy in the shade.
For he has made wad of jack.
And General Hauling is his trade.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

Divorce: Proof that people found
out about one another before they got
used to one another.
The Coconino sun., 1926-07-02

official the SesquiCentenna Inter
national Exposition opening Philadelphia June celebrate $50 years
Liberty
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-12-21
COLLINS sure
TO BECO ME- A
YANKEE PLAYER

NEW YORK, Dec. 20 R-Player
negotiations designed principally TO
obtain, a seasoned catcher and in
fielder, have been pending with four
rival American league clubs, Ed Bar
row, business manager of the New
York Yankees disclosed today. Only
one deal appears likely to be con
summated but this carries a hint that
Eddie Collins, deposed manager of the
Chicago White Sox will wear a Yam
kee uniform in 1927.
According to Barrow, it involves
sending Aaron Ward, utility infielder,
to Chicago, for Grabowski, a catcher,
'and an outfielder."
The Yankee official would not say
whether Collins was referred to in
this proposition, but baseball men in
clined to a belief that the former
king of second basemen" is headed
here, anyway.
Ward apparently is slated to be
traded, whether or not the Chicago
deal is put through. He was in
cluded in proposed deals with the
Boston and ST. Louis Americans, each
of which, Barrow said, fell through.
The Browns would not part with
Marty McManus, star second base
man, along with several other players,
fn exchange for two Yankee players,
Sam Jones and Walter Beall. Boston
also refused to listen to proposals
to trade either of two young pitchers,
Wiltse and Ruffing.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-12-21
JACK DELANEY
EASY WINNER
AA AA@ = ~ - q y = Aa-As - -

JERSEY CITY, Dec 20 lR.-Jacl1
Delaney, worlds light heavyweight
champion, scored a sensational two,
round victory tonight over Bud Cor
man, of Wisconsin, gaining a tech
nical knockout with slashing attack
that ended the fight after one min
ute thirty-five seconds of the second
round.
It was Delaney's first bid for
honors in heavyweight ranks. He
spotted German 25 pounds, weighing
IT'S to his opponents 200, but put a
swift and dramatic finish to what
was scheduled to have been a ten
round match.
Held to even terms in the first
round and cut about the nose III
the first seconds of the second round,
Delaney appeared slated for an In
teresting bout, but his sharpshoot1na
right hand found its mark. A clean
smash to the point Of the chin top
pied German to the floor for d count
of eight, another knocked him down
for a toll of five. He came up each
time. but was out OH his feet, hope
lessly beaten and clinging to tne
ropes when Referee Jack Mastery
stopped the fight.
Douglas daily dispatch., 1926-12-21

Warriors.-Blacl1, 46S; Villegas, 255;
Judd, 321; Jorgensen, 333; Button, 363.
Total, 1740.
Arizona Edison.--Lewis, 452; Guthrie,
400; Shotwell, 37S; Gwinn, 416; Bonar,
437. Total 2142.
The Panthers took four points from
the Kazal team Monday night on the
"Y'' alleys. Bise was high for the
Panthers, rolling 490, while Evans was
high for the Kazal team with 487.
Total pinnage: Panthers 2142; Kazals
1884.
Panthers-Bise, 400; Jorgenson, All;
Swain, 430; Hill, 445; Smith, 366. To-
tai 2142.
Kazals-Evans, 4S7; Valencia, 4S1;
Lamb, 39S; Kazal, 2S8; Islam, 800. To-
tai, 1884.