davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03
GEORGE SHES OFF.

ure, on account the mystic word was
Fancy Dress"
GEORGE SHES OFF.
Nothing doing, l amt going, says
Geo. at once, fat chance Of me making
fool out Of myself just TO please
them Bushes. And i says no need TO
worry over that. dear, Of course you'll
do. / personally myself am delighted
wonder would / look better as Cleo
patra or as Hula dancer? And
Geo. says my now, hold on, j thought
this was a costume-party, why there
amt costume enough between them
two characters to cover q wife Of mine
sufficient for her to appear in public,
why don't you 90 as Queen Victoria
or somebody respectable like THAR
And I,suppose you expect me to dress
up in the parlour curtains, or some
thing, but nothing stirring, won't
even 60 TO the darn thing.
Now dear. / says, why not give in
now. instead Of later, and save the
both Of us trouble? Why there will
probably DO prizes for the best COS
tune. What say we think up some
original stunt and knock 'em cold!
Because, says he, the chances are they
win knock US first. No, il ] 90 at al
I want a real costume from COS
tuner. a Devils suit or q clowns,
something original like that, but
wouldn't be bottle ed making a mon
key out Of myself
And says no, dear. that would be
aawfui hot costume, that is one rea'
son why ] am thinking seriously OF
going as salome. the place is bound co
be warm and crowded. Well, says
George, serious is the way you had
better think before you do anything O
N, kind.
Well anyways, when Geo. had beat
IL for the train, at once called up
Mabel on the phone and accepted
for the both Of Us. Say dear, ] ssys,
winter you going as? And she says,
well I was thinking Of Salome or
Cleopatra, j got a lot Of old lamps
up attic, / thought I'd take the
class DANGERS off Of them for ear
rings, make . crown out Of that gilt
wastepsper basket we got in the par
lour, and ! thought maybe you would
let me cut the sleeves out Of that
old spangled dress Of yours, then
won't have 10 buy anything except
gold sandals, and BY the way, dear,
have you got any old spare brass
curtain rings7 want them for ear
rings for Joe. thought be could tie
them on with strings, and wear a
bsndsna, kind Of pirate get-up, sect
what are you going to wear, dear?
aLET WHO WILL BE CLEVER"
don't know what I'm conner have
left, I says, but think there is
enough hay ont in our garage from
the old days before we traded Dob
bin In as first payment on Lizzie, to
make me a hula skirt; that is, if you
don't think you viii need III And
she says oh no thanks, dear. go sweet
Of you 70 offer Il, just the same,
but n you've got any lemonade cups
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03
Mutter and humble
J. P. Medbury------

Mutter-Don't you and your wife
get along?
Mumble-Yes, but not together.
Mutter-I haven't had 4 quarrel
with my wife IN six months.
Mumble-That's nothing, I haven't
spoken to mine either.
Mutter-when was the last fight
you had?
Mumble-Armhtice day.
Mutter-How many days week
do you quarrel7
Mumble-we limit ourselves to
seven.
Mutter-You started your marriage
off wrong. Where did you spend your
honeymoon
Mumble-In Battle Greek.
Mutter-Wby don't you take her
to Niagara Falls?
Mumble-I don't have 10. It'll be
wet enough in New York.
Mutter-Yes, but wouldn't your
wife like 10 see a beautiful spectacle?
Mumble--No, she doesn't wear them.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03

on Middle Neck Road, Port Wash
ington, about OF 6 mile from US and
he never got a letter in his life though
he expected one, and finely his cousin,
a man named Webster in Stanford.
took a trip to Nassau and couldn't
think Of nobody else to mail a card to
SO he mailed one to this here Dudley
or maybe It was Graham.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The card had a picture of the sponge
fisheries in the Bahamas. Well, it
seems that the L. s. mail service made
a mistake and this card come to Great
Neck instead Of going to Port Wash
ington though it says Port Washing
ton plain as the nose on Rollie Zeiders
face. This is said to be the first mis-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03

Mutter-Maybe she'd like 10 70 u
Canada.
Mumble-I don't think 70, she
doesn't drink.
Mutter-well, can't you get my
thing else In Canada besides boossi
Mumble--I never thought to ask.
Muttsr-Montreal 10 q wonderful
place to spend the holidays.
Mumbls-rd like to 80. but I can't.
I'm behind In my work.
Mutter-Then why don't you 90 up
there and get ahead7
Mumble-what can you DO In Mon
treal1
Mutter-Did you ever 90 sleishingi
Mumble-No, but carry a revolver.
Mutter-Canada II q great place in
January.
Mumble-Yes, two years ago
drank q very pleasant winter there.
Mutter--The last time / was 10
Montreal I got a bad case Of periton-
tits.
Mumbls-you should have sent every
bottle Of II right bach
Mutter-one drink Of liquor a year
is all want.
Mumble-It'd be enough for me too,
if they used the Yale Bowl for
glass.
Mutter-Td hate to be In your
shoes.
Mumble-so would I II I had your
feet.
Mutter-At 2 o'clock in the morn
ing you'll probably be standing in
some bootlegging joint.
Mumble-Cut out the flattery, Mr..
Mutter.
Mutter-what flattery?
Mumble-Insinuati that Ill be
standing
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03
REAL ORIGINAL PARTY.


OF course, with all them strange
clothes on, everybody felt OF liberty
to act gayer than usual, and by the
time the colored paper hats was
handed out, also the paper plates of ice
cream, why the party had becolu.
regular riot, with people making COOL
original cracks at each other, such
as Hot Dog, lookit Edna's hair, IS
that your own face you got on to-
night, Joe, where did you steal that
costume, Ed? And, etc.
Then Mabel done a real daring
dance with a cup full of sliced pana-
mas and lemon juice in her hand. Geo.
split the most important part of his
clothes. DR.. Salary sat in a plate OF
ice cream, caught my Ophelia dress
on a nail and we told Mabel what
lovely time we had enjoyed and went
home while we had the strength.
There now! says George when we
was back in a little comparative
privacy, I hope you are satisfied, lie
says, Of all the fool ideas costume
party Is the worst, but you had your
way. we went 1 told you from the
beginning It would be a fiat tire, but
you hadder go and make a silly ass
out of me. And 1 says why no.
body could do that, dear, it's too
late, but I personally had a wonder
full time and I'd like TO return IL as
soon as possible. Say. says George,
if there was any way Of actually re-
turning this evening, why couldn't
give 1t back quick enough. all I've
got TO return is this darnation fool
costume, and return a extra check
for repairs, besides, he says.
Now. dear, don't be ridiculous, ]
says, we certainly are going 10 give
a party, real soon, SOS can Dor
row back my stuff from Mabel Bush.
know that woman, and it's the only
way wen ever get our glasses and etc.
It's conner be n costume party, too.
but the guests are 10 wear newspapers.
We all like 10 get into print. and th@
overhead will be considerably less.
Copyright, 1926. by Republic syndi
cate, Int
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03

football games and was never at Mas
sau in the Bahamas though be keeps
a sponge. Then there is Spruce Place
and / have seen people living on it
chat was absolutely dowdy, to say
nothing about folks residing on Over
look Avenue who their neighbors say
hey don't overlook nothing.
However, It might be just as well
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03
i and George = By Nina Wilcox Putnam

the box into the bathroom with him.
Several splashes later he come out in
red tights, trunks, one Of these Mill
stone effects In neckwear, a sword
and three safety pins. Well? he says,
kinda sheepish, how does it look, Ell ?
Don't ask me! says, why did you
pick it? 1t was all the man had left,
says Geo. Come OIL now, it's not so
bad, Ell? It isn't everybody's got the
legs to carry off this outfit! And he
commenced walking up and down in
front of the mirror, hating himself
for all he was worth. Say, i think
1 look pretty good, he says, by gollies
it feels fine to wear little colour for
a change, say Jennie, guess you
never knew before what handsome
husband you had, did you? Then he
give one look at my map and made
a big discovery. For the luvva tripe,
he says, you don't expect to 80 with
all that paint on your face, do you?
GEORGE STRUTS HIS STUFF.
1 says. now Gee. please don't
start that old gag, you always pull
that whenever we start to 90 any
place. And he says. I don't care,
you got too much paint on. wipe it
off. So I made a pass at my mouth,
without however, touching It. and i
says there, is that better! And he
says, yeh, that's more like It, but
you still got on too much, here, lend
me a little of that red stuff, I think
I need some dope on ny face to 90
with this rig. So / fixed Georges
face, and told him how wonderful he
looked, which satisfied him even with
out my going into details, and then
we steered for the party all set to
stun the crowd.
GOOD TIME HAD By ALL
And believe you me, It was some
party, and the pass word Of the even
ing was to yell oh my dear how Won
Goofnah, who had ought to of had
derful you look. A person needed all
their strength and lungs, too, when
they looked at some Of the get-ups
their friends had on, such for a sam
pie as Mr.. Goofnah in kits with his
knees all out of alignment, and Mrs.
her chins and a age twelve, size As,
Bingham dress.
Then, on the other hand, that bot
tie blond, Miss Demeanor, was very
lastly gotten up, she went as a dish
Of spaghetti all draped in wreaths OF
garlic, and tomato labels, while DR..
Salary, the one she's engaged to, was
too cute for words as Buster Brown
only he hadn't shaved his mustache,
which made the impersonation not 20
convincing. Old General Buster wore
his uniform, the one he had new at
he Battle of Peasoup, and 1t was sli
'ull of bulletholes, or so he claimed
,ut it was so long since they was
made that he was by now giving
.redit to bullets that was really due
he moths. However, the browning
.ory vas the host and hostess, Mabel
.ad a blond wig with two long braids'
md looked like a cross between the
,iaiden's Prayer and Rock Of Ages,
while Joe, in white flannels and the
land painted scarf around his waist
vas as much like a pirate as any
,ther conservative business man.
REAL ORIGINAL PARTY.
OF course, with all them strange
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-01-03

ami at the same time yell Of pleas
ure, on account the mystic word was
aFancv Dress"
, 1926-07-12

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The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1926-03-16
The Best Policeman

The little printed note received by an Indian
apolis business man, incosng a ivedollar BILL gives
the real answer to why live together,
be in their homes, their lives and their prop
erty.
The note came from thief who restored to its
owner the money he had stolen.
There was no necessity for sending back the
money. The clew to the crime lost The thief
safe after rsking his liberty for a few dollars
by breaking into store. He beyond fear of
detection.
But the real policeman of civilization was on
duty and on guard.
You imagine the story. You write It for
yourself. You fill IN the details.
After he had robbed conscience followed him.
Whenever he walked upon the streets, he saw
accusing eyes in the face of every he met.
When he entered his home, he turned at the slight
est noise. He shuddered he tried to sleep.
He knew that he safe. But he could not
avoid himself He had no fear of jail, but the re-
Election of his own face in mirror terrified him.
The who is honest only because of fear of
jais or prisons is always menace to society. There
may time when he is Sure of his safety
that he will steal.
Those who restrain murderous impulses be-
cause they have dread of paying the penalty in an
electric chair at the end Of a still
age at heart and potential Killers an opportunity
arises.
The who remains virtuous or conven-
ional only because she fears gossip exposure can
hardly call herself good woman
Fortunately all of these form very small
portion of the whole population. Were they to
dominate, would have chaos and crime instead
of orderly system of life.
More fortunately, all nearly all, ruled by
their own sense of right and wrong which operates
through conscience
Most of controlled by that still small
voice which is constant companion
We make mistake when put our reliance
upon written laws and depend upon them for pro-
lection
The thief who steals, is caught and sent to jail,
very frequently steals again.
You may be that this conscience-stricken
man who sent back his plumber will go straight in
the future.
He is in the hands of the greatest of all police