davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

Humility may De a virtue, Dut IL dooms a lot of fellows to say 'ycs sir" to men who sit at desks.
 Turns are getting scarcer, hut it won't matter. Summers seem 10 he playing out too
 If smut isn't smut to the intalIi- gent, as a New York iudge holls just why does it appeal 10 them?
 As we understand the farm relief measures, they will relieve the farm- CT of q little moro interest money.
 Trash" once referred 10 people, instead of the debris that kind of people leave after picnic.
 Amundsen lost a day flying over the Pole. Thousands have done the same, just sitting at a desk.
 A blister merely teaches disCrc- ton; it's the memory of what caused the blister that makes cynicism.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

Mrs. Rohrer; Henry, l stood on the very brink of the Grand Canyon and marveled at the majesty of na- urc. For a moment I was ren- dcrcd speeches.. wish you could have been there to enjoy it.
 Rohrcr: "Ycs, dear, I'm sure l would have enjoyed that moment!"
 Hugh E. O'Neil.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
Facts
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

Another good way to get rid Of the rcd ants in the kitchen is 10 move.
 Long engagements are best. A car doesn't suffer much at five miles an hour.
 Among tho things that enable a man to be sclf-satished is a poor memory.
 It's harder to write spring poetry in these days. So few words rhyme with "fivyer."
 You may get a vocabulary without thinking. but you cant think beyond your vocabulary.
 There's good in everything, and Hcrrin might be used as a proving ground for evangclists.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

Msmber Audit Bureau of Circulation The A B. c. fs national organization ghic, furnishes newspapers and edveT , tissrs with e strictly honest analysis O! circulation. Our circulation statisNcs are based upon this audit. This insu'es rro.ect,on against fraud in newspaper distribution figures to both national and local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
IN KLASS AT KRAZY KOLLEGE

Conducted By M. r. J.) Teacher: stand up, Howard, if yon've got your shoe faces tied, and furnish us with some nonsense" How Cunning; "A fellow sent candy and flowers toI
 his girl As long as she stalled him and
 parried him;
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
Defined

The Sunday school class Was in session.
 The teacher, while reading her text quoted, Blessed are the Peace- makers"
 And what is a 'Peacemaker?' she asked Of her class. T know.' answered a little girl raising her hand its a dress maker"
 R. T. Van Pelt.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

He wooed her with theater tickets
 and rides But she ain't had nonsense she mar
 ried him."
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
g Assnriated Preah.

Member of the Associated PresE. The Associated Press is exclusively CT. titled to the use for republication ci all news credited to 1t or not otherwise credited in this paper and also loca' news published herein.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
Mon DiCu.

Claire: "Who was that lady you were talking to?" Mac: My god-mother," Claire: Don't use such language. Besides, I'm not your mother!"
 Sunny,
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
Let's Swat the Worries, Too.

Almost time to swat the fly. And, Folks, while we're about it,
 why Now swat each care that shows its
 head See what q laughll do instead,
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

The only profitable advertising medium
 in the City. Circulation books and oress room always open to advertiseTA
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

The Herald is on sale daily in New York at Hotallng's Newsstand. Times s6usrs; schultz's Newsstands. Entrance Grand Central, 42nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
New Britain Herald
HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily Sunday E1cepted) At Herald Bldg. 67 Church Street
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
.Li1.t urnrN's lI1rll

"Stop sneeziu' in tn sail! You'll blow Us back"
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
 7@ EglLH / fun chOD
 o BY
 FfAXSON F0xKALE JLnSzI

Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
The "T, k On the End Of It

The "H' IS On the End Of It Hotel Clerk: "But you've for gotten 10 pay your bill, sir" English Chest: My word," Hotel Clerk: That's not enough. We require cash"
 Henry A. Courtney.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
WHEN THE BLOW FELL

By F. Q, Whaley Last night just as the sun dropped
 low
 I wandered meath the darkening sky. My Love had dealt to me q blow That changed my happiness to woe. The day was donc-and so was l! Within a place for drowning woe I al'ruatcd drink and sigh. You s"o, my Love had told me
 "No,"
 And midnight found me in q glow. The moon was full-and so was l! I wander on. where, I don't know! I care not if I live or die! My Love cares not where I may go. The suns warm rays begin to show. The day is broke-and so am l!
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
WHEN THE TELEPHONE LINES
 WE'RE CROSSED

Overheard By Jean Koopman)
 This is Deacon Grcenbank? I'm SO glad. This is Mrs. Shumway. I tried 10 get you this morning, but they told me you were-drunll as a lord. l tried to get him home. Bill, finally we got in about 12. My car is being repaired, so I drove the embroidery hoops l left at your house last night. Deacon Greenbank. Then l wanted to thank you for the splendid talk you gave us at the Ladies' Aid. That was very inter- estiug about thc-little chorus girl you said was so wild about you. It's mo she's crazy about, Bill. Well, goodbyc."
 "IIcuo, Who dat: Am di Mrs. simphins? Dis is Mrs. Johsing, what washes for you. l is sorry, but can't wash today 'cause-I am madly, wildly, in love with you, JosGphinci At night I toss sleep less and alone, only 10 discover that nah boiler is rusty. l scrubs an I scrubs, Mrs. Simpkins, dem I takes cm outa de tub an'-lliss them dozens of times. Thanks again for those photographs, Jo. I'm send ing you something l know youll en- joy eating, dear. I want you to think Of me after each little bite. It's a nice box of-dat laundry soap you is fondost of, l is clear outa dat, Mrs. Simpkins. So I 'specks ] can't do dc washin' till nah old man gets through-kissing you on those delicious lips. Goodbye, sweet heart"
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

The pugiIists have so commercial izcd the art of boxing, that they can truly be referred 10 as price" light CTS.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

TELEPHONE CALLS
 Business Ofrice s... s2b Editorial Rooms .... 926
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

Entered at the Post Ofrice at New Britain
 ss Second Class Mall Matter.
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24
SUBSCRIPTION RATES

$500 a Year.
 s2.0Q Three MonthA. .A 75c, e Month,
New Britain herald., 1926-05-24

A bootlegegr never is down and out. When he's down he's in.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
ed near school houses and churches.

ed near school houses and churches.
The abandonment of the struggle
for the system by the Newark author
tiles is the forerunner of similar ac-
| ton all over the State, for it is in
Newark and the urban communities in
the north part of the State that the
most vigorous stand has been made:
and a new and more intensive strug-
hand. The wreck of the system fol-
lows decisions that have been made
by one Supreme Court Justice after
another against the exclusion of any
kind of structure from any kind of
a locality. The courts have laid down
the rule that man who manages to
upon it anything he pleases that is
not what is in law a nuisance or a
menace to life, and they have based
the rulings upon the property rights
guaranteed by the United States Con-
stitution.
That line of decision rather takes
the ground from under the feet of the
advocates of coming who hoped to
overcome the courts with an amend
ment to the State Constitution; the
State Constitution will not probably
count for much in a scrap with the
Constitution of the nation. The stu
alton presented is serious enough to
engage the attention of the Executive
Department of the State and the Gov
ernor has interested himself in efforts |
to meet it successfully but neither he
nor the municipal lawyers, who have
been scratching their heads for a way |
out, have yet found solution that |
will work out along Supreme Court
lines. The topic bids fair to be one of
the liveliest in the debates at the ses-
sion of the Legislature that is to as
semble in Trenton early in January.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
Pleasantville and elS Ere on the
Ioi. ,l.,,, Il


Mainland?"
The buyer arrives at the price him.
self. No matter what may be the
idea of values held by the seller the
buyer rarely pays more than what he
considers the property is worth to
him. The buyers enthusiasm may
betray his judgment, but it does not
lessen the fact that he sets the price. |
If YOU see a piece of real estate that
has been on the market for sometime
the reason is that no buyer is yet
ready to establish the price for It,
The asking price and the buying price
very often differ widely.
If prices of real estate are constant
Nv advancing it is because OF the buy
er's confidence in the conditions al
fecting that particular piece of prop
erty. 1t may be business location,
or manufacturing site, or a home
site. The buyer is usually better in
formed than the seller upon values
and he certainly knows better than
the seller what his own secret ideas
and intentions are. The buyer may
have number of properties under
consideration and he weighs their va
rious advantages or points against one
another and finally determines to pur-
chase at price which h" considers
to be of Ultimate profit or pleasure to
l., nf tDic
character the seller is in competition
with unknowG competitors. The COM
petition is likely to be wide and in
clude several communities or cities,
as we'll as several possible sites in a
community.
Not only does the buyer know his
own plans, but he also has knowledge
of influences at work to make or break
town or a location. He knows the
demand back of movement and the
supply available to satisfy the de-
macds of the movement.
1t seems then that if property values
are constantly increasing in Pleasant
vile and elsewhere on the mainland,
there must be a confidence which in
spires willing buyers. Real Estate
transactions on the mainland number
70, per week on the average, or ten
for every day of the week. AS there
are several thousand properties avail
able, it will be some time before the
available supply is exhausted, even il
they are picked up at the rate of ten
per day.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
TONER'S GIVE UP.

Convinced that there is no further
hope of saving it from the destruction
with which the decisions of the courts
have menaced the coming systems of
the communities in New Jersey, the
coming authorities of the localities
have thrown up their hands in despair
and given up the battle. The utter
rout of the zoners came when Chief
Justice William S. Gummere granted
a writ under which apartment houses
may be erected in the reserved and
residential district of North Newark.
This throws into the discard even such
regulations as that gar
les and such-like shall not be allow
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

A writer in the Dayton News de-
clares that There was never the
breath of scandal against the Coast
Guard until it was unwillingly put in
the Prohibition enforcement business,
which seems to corrupt everything it
touches" The Prohibition enforce
ment business never corrupted any
thing. The thing which corrupts is
the fluid called "booze" it oozes,
oozes, ooZes slime.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
PROHIBITION.

Even If the figures purporting
to represent conditions in the cit
les covered by the supposed sur
vey are correct, they do not es-
tablish the fact that there is as
much drunkenness or even drink
ing in the United States as in the
days prior to Federal national
prohibition. When the Eighteenth
Amendment went into effect thir-
ty-two States We're dry of their
own volition, the thirty-third,
Kentucky, had voted dry, and
large areas in the remaining fif-
teen States Were dry, while all
Federal areas were under prohi-
bition. The Moderation League
figures, therefore, are figures OBJ
tanned when the nation is entire
ly dry, compared with figures of
arrests when most of the nation
was dry, and, therefore, are not
an adequate or fair comparison as
between wet period and prohi-
bition period for most of the cities
involved. Also the cities covered
by the League survey have great
~ increased in population. So,
far from showing an increase in
law violations, these figures indi-
cate purpose on the part of all
officials, especially those having
to do with enforcement, to carry
out the spirit of the law, and to
make good on the enforcement
job. All surveys, even that Of the
Af\1d. vi iQnx League. and al \am--
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
PLEASANTVILLE WELFARE
ASSOCIATION ACTIVE.
Splendid Work Done by the New
Organization.

Success attended the conscientious
and self-sacrificing efforts of the mem
bers of the Pleasantville Welfare AS
ISOLATION in distributing supplies Of
food and clothing to the needy and
the worthy at Christmas. The head
quarters were at the offices of the Red
Cross, West Washington avenue, and
the undertaking proved the practical
bllity and need of centralized work.
Reports were received that an I'M
authorized canvassers made collections
in the name of the association. Peo-
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
Clocks and Watches

To keep the works of watch clean
and so insure that it will run smooth
ly cut a piece of white paper the size
of the watch cover, and after soaking
the paper in petrol, place 1t In the
inner watch case. The paper should
be periodically removed and fresh
piece, also soaked in petrol, substi-
tuted. The same plan may be adopted
for small and medium-sized clocks.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

mon, every day observation clear
ly show that the great majority of
the people are in favor of prohi-
bition; that they desire its en-
forcement and that the minority
a very noisy one, to be sure-is
the one who defies the law, DISC
beys it's provisions and upholds
those officials who will not enforce
it." DR.. Ernest H. Cherrington,
general secretary of the World
League Against Alcoholism, an
swering the contention made by
the Moderation League in its pub
lished survey that drunkenness in
the United States is now on the
prohibition level.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

the center of the street and the car skid
ded fifty feet, crashing into the gates.
The jar of the collision released the
trigger in the elevating mechanism of
the gate and one of the long arms bob
bed up suddenly, piercing the windshield
and coming out the back of the car, lift
ing the machine clear. The gate struck
Klein a glancing blow, knocking him I'M
conscious. He was pinioned to his seat
until the crossing Waterman lowered the
gate and witnesses lifted him clear. The
car was wrecked.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
Powers
OF Migration
PlOver and Sand Pipers Breed in
the Arctic and Winter
South of Equator
Pass South AT Great Speed

Or. Alexander Wetmore, secretary
Oh the Smithsonian Institution, calls
attention to the remarkable powers of
Hight and the distances travelled by
shorebirds, the sand-pipers, snipe and
plover and other forms being particu-
larly removed in this respect.
Among the North American species
there are twentythree forms that are
found in winter from our northern
States south to South America, four
others fly south through the Pacific
Islands, and there are ten, in addition
tot hose mentioned, that retire wholly
to South America in winter.
The majority of the shore birds nest
in boreal regions and many seem to
remain in their breeding grounds
very short time, since the spring mi
grafton does not close until the end of
May, while in some species early mi
grants begin to arrive from the north
by the first week of July.
In explaining how rapid passage
southwark is on the part of number
OF species, DR.. Wetmore noted that in
1912 in Porto Rico the spotted sand
piper arrived from the North on July
and the solitary sand-piper on July
~. In 1920 in southern South Ameri-
ca he noted the beginning of migrate
ny movement from the North among
these birds on July /, with the arrival
OF the lesser yellowlegs on lagoons
near Las Palmas, Chaco By the mid
die of November arrivals from the
North ceased
Changing conditions in this far dis
tant region have affected many of orr
North American migrants which go
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
HUNTING AND FISHING LICENSES

According to report now being
compiled by Henry Mcintyre, of the
county clerks office, 1878 resident and
"a nonresident hunting and fishing
licenses were issued in Atlantic coun-
ty during the month of November.
These represent fees to the amount OF
s32O7, of which STAT was paid by gum
ners into the Atlantic City clerks
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

persecution OF ms TO WnlcM they
have been subject ted in the North,
says DR.. Wetmore. Broad acres of
dry or marshy pampas, under primi
tive conditions the winter homes of
myriads of golden plover, upland plo-
yer and Eskimo curlew, are now de-
voted to the growth of wheat or the
pasturage of great herds of cattle and
sheep. Added to this change there
has been persecution by man through
the fact that certain of these birds
became famed for the delicate flavor
of their flesh.
"The Eskimo curlew, unable to
adapt itself to changing conditions, is
practically if not actually extinct,
while the upland plover, greatly re-
duced in abundance, at present aided
by protection from gunners in the
United States and Canada, is holding
its own though it's fate is doubtful
since in South America it has inherit
ed the epicurean fame that proved the
downfall of the curlew. 1t was strange
to find the Uninterrupted sandpiper,
species known we'll to few ornitholo-
gists in the United States, the most
abundant of the wintering shorebirds
on the pampas."
| IN migrating from ArCtlc regions III
to the oceanic islands of the South
Seas, the Pacific golden plover and the
turnstone regularly perform this flight,
while with them come the bristle-
thighed curlew, the wandering and
eastern tattlers, the sanderling and
others. These pass to the far south,
the godwit regularly reaching New
Zealand.
Many plover and sandpipers that
breed in Arctic regions winter south
of the Equator in the southern hemis-
phere, so that as group they have
longer migration routes than any 9TH
err order of birds. Though the south
ern hemisphere has number of Pc
culiar forms, some of which are more
or less migratory, there are none that
perform the extensive flights common
among their brethren of the north.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
MADE FRANTIC
EFFORT TO ESCAPE,
Man Burned to Death Under Wrecked
Auto

Man Burned to Death Under Wrecked
Auto.
| When his machine skidded into a
ditch on West Main street, in the out
skirts of Millville, overturned, and
then caught fire, Wilmer Batten, fifty
eight years old, West MiIlville, was
burned to death
Patrolmen Cossadon and Biddle
found Batten's charred body in the
interior of the car. He had evidently
made desperate effort to get out of
the machine when the flames licked
about him. According to the police,
who say they have witnesses who saw
Batten driving erratically some time
before the tragedy, he was under the
influence of liquor.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
Who Can Tell?

What has become of the beautlrui
old-fashioned boarding house where
the landlady appeared in the dining
room at dinner time in her best SILK
dress and sat at the head of the table!
ST. Louis Globe Democrat.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

A psychoanalyst is one who leaves
right of precedence, pride, feelings
and rank outside the door and buys
Christmas presents at reduced rates
in January
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

Civil service examinations for ap-
plicants for positions in the employ of
the State of New Jersey will be held
at Trenton on Jan. IS, 81, rs, % and
20; Feb. 1, 4, 8, II, Is, IS and rs;
March l, 4, 8, II, Is, IS, %, Is and 20.
There is large number of positions
of all sorts open in the various de-
partments.
Subscribe for The Pieasanrv1lle Press
today. Tomorrow never comes.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
"A MASQUE."
BY H. J. MacLean.
These three before the Judgment Seat
A Priest, Soldier and Clown.
The Soldier:

These three before the Judgment Seat:
A Priest, Soldier and Clown.
The Soldier:
fought Thy fight
My swords red reek
Was as rare incense at Thy Shrine,
OF Vandals that defiled Thy name
Few were left standing in the line.
The Priest:
| spoke Thy Word,
And men, enthralled,
Fell penitent at Thy dear feet;
won the sinner from his sin,
| sought the tares and made them
wheat.
The Clown:
| could not preach
| could not fight,
My work was small through all my
years.
Thy Children lay in agony;
sIeel .1Ieul lsp!lue eUms meQl epeu
The Voice:
All three have served,
And, service done,
The we'll of peace shall Stake the
thirst,
The Kingdom lies behind the
Throne;
Enter-But let the Clown be First.
From The Master Mason.
What sort of time is Dick having
on his motor tour?"
ooh, great! I've had two letters
from him--one from a police station
and the other from hospital"
Mary's Beau (waiting for her to
come downstairs): SIS Mary your old
est sister,"
Kid Brother: Eyes"
Mary's Beau: And who comes after
herr"
Kid Brother: "You and two other
guys"
That blessings come disguised but
shows
How much of joy we miss.
The girl who has turned up nose
Is easiest to kiss.
Mary is keeping her engagement
secret"
How do you know?'
"She told me-"
He; "You grow more beautiful ev
cry day"
She: "You exaggerate too much
Jack"
He: "Well, every other day, then"
Hubby: Il see that Stoneham, wht
died the other day, left his wife hal
million. How would you like to b.
his widow"
WHEY: Nov, you know I woult
rather be yours, dear"
Lady: Horrors! I've never heart
such swearing since the day l wal
| born!"
Tough Kid: "Why, lady, did the.
cuss much When you wuz born?"
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
Cares for Pets

The Royal Veterinary college IN
Iondon cares Cor domestic animals in
all their ip!u,.es and ailments ana Is
the largest institution of Its kind IN
the world.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
NOT BY RADIO.

''If you tell schizophrenic, VIC
tim of dementia praecox, a mental
disease in which the individual splits
or 'dissociates' his mental life from
his emotional reactions, that his father
is dead, he will probably laugh, or
evidence some other incongruous emo
ton. frequently these people feel
they are the victims of plots and that
they are Icing prosecuted or hunted
They are the constant victims of delu-
slons. DR.. HSratio M. Pollock, direc-
tor of the ST stical bureau of the
view york Stall \spital Commission.
;;,; y; !; e: ::
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08
GATE SKEWERS AND
LIFTS AUTOMOBILE.
Most Unusual Accident at Pennsylvania
Railroad CROSSING.

William Klein, 81, prominent Atlantic
City realty broker, is suffering from a
broken nose, fractured ribs and probable
internal injuries as the result of an odd
accident on North New York avenue.
Approaching the Pennsylvania Railroad
crossing he saw the safety gates were
lowered and he applied the brakes sud-
denly, at the same time throwing in his
clutch. The rear wheels struck ice in
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

An optimist is one who drops pa
per napkin on the floor and picks it
up to use it again.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

A peaceable man is known by the
spats he wears.
The Pleasantville press. (Pleasantville, N.J.) 1912-1929, 1926-01-08

The higher the price of potatoes
goes, the thinner the mashed potato
gets.