davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
HOW TOURISTS ABROAD
 GET SrUNG

Of the many ways to bunk an in- nocent purchaser few possess the ex- cessive finesse of buying a gift abroad and directing the obliging merchant to forward it to the home town address.
 Maybe you never got stung in this manner? Then perhaps you have not yet taken that trip abroad. In the meantime you can get good laugh out of the system, a concrete in- stance being hereby given: A young woman citizen of the United States bought a jade green vase in Paris last June.
 The shopkeeper of the pottery | shop upon the heights of Mont martre could speak no English, but | the buyer was convinced he under | stood that the vase was to be packed and shipped to the address given him.
 The shopkeeper asked for , addi- tional francs for packing and mail ing, which was paid.
 The young woman citizen arrived home in September. No jade vase purchased for 49 francs, or S1.67, awaited her.
 She wrote to the shopkeeper. There was no answer. She wrote to the American embassy Some more weeks elapsed.
 Then came q note from New York concern, labelling itself Gus toms Brokers and Forwarding Agents" There was a bill enclosed for $5,01, including s1 for duty, s2.76 for foreign charges, Sl for carriage, sl,25 for appraisers stores, s1 for appraisement entry, total, S7,0l.
 The young woman thirsted for in formation. Was il ever thus? Did all purchases made abroad land in the hands of "customs brokers and gem eral forwarders?"
 She wrote back The customs brokers" answered that the vase was consigned to him by Il forwarding company in Paris with which most French merchants placed their wares, as they did not understand the export requirements,
 They were very sorry that the vase now cost almost four times its purchase price, but then it was as much trouble to clear s2 package as q S20oo one, and that was that.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
GQLFING STARS ON
 THEIR WAY WEST
Will Take Part in Matches
 This Winter .t

San Francisco, Dec. [P - The vanguard of the golfing clan, num- boring In its ranks some of the nations foremost stars, Is beginning to head toward the Pacific Coast where series of open and amateur tournaments are scheduled for this winter.
 Five events in California. with an aggregate purse value of $22,5oo, are the magnets attracting the golfers. They begin with the Mon- terey Peninsular s5,000 open cham pionship. December 10, II and 12. It will be played over the pictur- esque Pebble Beach links at Del Monte, scene of most of the state amateur championships.
 Los Angeles Open $10,0OO
 From Del Monte, the club singles will move on to Sacramento, where a s2,50O0 event is scheduled for De- cember IT and 19. Fresno. and an- other s3,5OO purse, follows on De- cember 2i to 26.
 The first and second days of 1927 will see the golfers competing at Long Beach in another S2,5OO affair.
 Officials of the Los Angeles S10,- GOO open, January 5 to 9, are pre- pairing to accommodate an unusually large entry list. Harry Cooper. formerly of Texas, who stroked him. self to top place last year, will de- fend his title.
 Included in the number of golfers who have signed or signified inten- ton to be on hand when the first contestants tee off at Del Monte are: Gene Sarazen, Mike Brady, Joe Kirkwood, Bobby Cruickshank, Bill Melhorn, Tom Kerrigan, Leo Dieg- al, Macdonald Smith. John Black. Wichita Kansas, and Larry Nabholtz of Cleveland. George Won Elm of Los Angeles, national amateur champion, will be the outstanding contender among the "simon-pures." Another Is George Aulback of Arr lington Heights. Mass. former municipal links title holder.
 Completion of the coast events will see the players head toward San Antonio, Texas, and the western swing will end at Hot Springs, Ark~ where $7OO open event is sched- uled for February.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04


 We'll, so it was! The jade vase is still there in New York.
 But the story isn't quite ended. Eventually there came letter from the American embassy giving the full history of the case.
 There seem to be two morals to this tale. One is that when you buy things abroad, you don't really know what you're paying for them. The other is that the American embassy will watch over American citizens, from missing jade vases to what have you.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

tions this time, and finally the en-
 zine starts. An instant of satisfac- .tion,, followed by dismay as a series
 of wheezes precedes the stopping of the motor once more. It does not
 start again. You get out the crank and go to 1 work, avoiding broken bones by frightened and cautious manipula-
 tion but finally throwing your arm the starter. Again a short sputter and another gasp. There must be something wrong in the fuel sys- tenn. Off with the coat and into the
 hood. With rapidly driving hands you unscrew tho bottom of the car
 buretor and find it filled solidly
 with ice. You poke. scrape, and
 burn this off and think you are all set. The motor starts well and you
 let it run few minutes to heat 1t up. Then you suddenly notice tho mercury in the moto-meter sky rocketing up and you know that tho radiator is frozen. }t
 A blanket Is placed over. the front and you idle the motor until 1t thaws out. You go into gear, after fighting the haf-frozen transmission grease. And the engine stops with a jar. What is it this time? It starts all right but stops as soon as the clutch is in. After monkey ing with various unfamiliar parts of the engine, you finally have a bril- liant idea and realize that your brake bands have frozen. A wild lurching start breaks the icy coat ing and you go out of the garage so successfully that you rip off 8 door which you forgot to close.
 You disgustedly slam the door into the rear seat and go up to the house to wash off. And when you return you find the ice has once more clogged the carburetor. You're going to force it through this time and keep pounding the starter until finally it penetrates to your brain that you are going to have to cover yourself with oil again. Ton do so with a sigh, and then satisfy yourself that no other tRuble will repeat itself.
 Confidently at last, you slide into the seat and press the starter. But the continuous draining of it's power has knocked the battery deader than nah jongg and starting is now im- possible. You get out and fling the remaining door shut with slam which shivers the glass into thou sand pieces, telephone profanely to the service station, and consign yourself to the trolleys and busses for a few days.
 The brighter side of this lies not in the money made by the repair men but in the joy which is brought to pedestrians and seems to prove to them that there is Santa Claus. For once they hold the upper hand. If they are at all given to getting even," they walk in and out through the lines of frozen cars. charge mad ly down upon each one, and ruin the finish with a well-placed kick.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
The Difference

The Difference My ma she powders up her face Until it's red and white, And puts some stuff upon her hair That makes it awful light, And when some fellow fresh as paint
 Calls her a "chicken" GEE! She giggles and she rolls her eyes AS pleased as she can be. My pa is balder than an egg And gettin' dreadful stout. For hours and hours on politics He loves to sit and spout. But when a man the other day Called him a "rooster" MY! You should have seen him pitch right in
 And make the feathers fly.!
 --Minna Irving
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
FLUCTUATING ENGLISH AS ITS WRIT

|
 day, in commenting upon the efforts of a railroad advertising department to discover whether lis" or 'are" were the proper verbs to go with the noun, quoted some bigwig who once said that English is a "grammarless language"
 This remark may not have been meant literally, but there is much | evidence to back up the assertion. l There is a Aux about the language l that is as marked as the tides along | the coast, and the fine points learned at school do not always stick in practical composition or common speech.
 The warning about split infinitives | is not cheating us, are definite. But 1 good writers are splitting them so consistently and so effectively that one of them said recently not to do so often makes for suited English! Where the experts disagree about such things we'll split them when we feel like it.
 Then there is the question Of man. ufacturing new verbs. When motor cars first dawned upon the horizon there was a rule made upon a lead- ing newspaper that the words motor" and auto" were nouns, and were not 10 be turned into verbs by the addition of led" Also, it was stated in the style book" that there really was no such thing as "auto," but that the word was "automo- bile" and the full word would have to be used in the papers chaste columns.
 Vain was the effort, however. The headline writers couldn't get automobile" in their headlines very often and used the restricted term. And soon "motored" and 'autoed" became as common as the machines themselves. And of course, these forms ultimately became re- flected in the big dictionaries.
 Some nouns are not made into verbs so readily, however, in spite of the advisability of doing so to save space. For instance, there is the word message" Some few writers and speakers will write or say they 'messaged" q person, but the ma jority still have it. T sent him a message thus wasting valuable time and space.
 The most impressive newcomer seen in the prints recently has been 'gallonage" referring to the capa- city of oil tanks or automobile tanks. It is a perfectly good word, too, but hasn't been used very frequently for all that, II these advertising men put it into large type few more times it may become popular Noth- ing like paid advertising to change the language or put chic new words and terms into common use.
 Our grammatical rules follow. not lead, the great writers. Shake- sprare, Addison, Spencer, Dryden and all the others in the galaxy of literature saints were grammaticaly perfect, but they did not let some textbook httlebody cramp their style.
 Tho method by which the language Is bent 10 meet the needs of modern usage continues unabated. Changes come about so gradually they are scarcely noticed. Some times they come about rapidly, too. Printing presses are grinding out reams or printed matter every day and let some connotation of words, some newlansIel phrase, some newly coined word gain wide cir culalion through the popular press and regardless whether it violates the carefully set-up rules Of the purists, ii goes over" And this iu-
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
STATE DEPARTMENT PROPAGANDA

At last the American state depart ment has nothing to say" Having been caught red-handed in an ef- fort to broadcast pure propaganda it hides itself in its shell, or buries its head underneath the sand, until the storm blows over.
 Had 1t not been for the St. Louis Post Dispatch and the New York World, which exposed the thing; and the Baltimore Sun and Baltimore Evening Sun, which exploited their findings until other editors were aroused, the state department might have gotten off unscathed.
 Frank Billings Kellogg, secretary of state, thought himself of won- derful scheme to stimulate prejudice against Mexico; he has been writing some nasty notes to that country. 1t will be remembered. But the Minne- sotan did not want to be the author of any propaganda; to let the public know the state department was in the propaganda business would be too bad.
 It was through Robert E. Olds, his assistant secretary of state, that he worked; but even Olds did not want to be quoted, nor have the state department given out as the author of the mess.
 So 1t was that three press asso- citations received telephone calls from Olds to call and their repre- sentatives were told the Mexican government was "bolshevistic," all though it could not be proved more over, the Mexican "bolshevists" throughout Central America, and l this of course was a menace to the l holding of the Panama Canal, or some such reasoning.
 The gentlemen of the press wanted to do some quoting, but Olds firmly recoiled from any such method. Finally it was decided that l story should be tackled on to one about the situation in Nicaragua and Central America generally. In this way the entire press of the nation were treated to the state department propaganda without tho department actually sponsoring the allegations.
 The propaganda was not true. There was no reason whatever why such 8 story should emanate from the state department. It is not the business of the state department to engage In propaganda. The fact that llt Sldtt utpdl tlt'tlll lIISlolCi tllttt II did no wish to be quoted or be quoted as sponsoring any such ideas except indirectly indicates 10 any reasonable mind that Messrs. Kel- logg and Olds knew they were en- gazing in doubtful tactics.
 A week after this trial balloon was sent up. when 1t was thought sui flcient anger had been engendered in the public mind to justify action. Secretary Kellogg sent another one of his protesting notes to Mexico. But the press is now rather cold to- ward the campaign and is showing an inclination to publish the other side,
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
AS WAS EXPECTED

For week it has been evident from the evidence given in the Hall Mills case that verdict Of guilty would be very unlikely. The prosecution has been strong on sur mises but weak on proof. It takes the latter to convict.
 The trial has cleared the atmos- phere. The state at least has gone to the limit of it's endeavors.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

dreamed the other night that l was asleep and that l was dreaming, and the dream that l dreamed l was dreaming was a dream that l was asleep and dreaming. Suddenly l woke up. The question now is, am l asleep and dreaming that ] dreamed I dreamed l woke up, or where am r
 Mae Raiskes Dear Mae: The customary method is to pinch yourself. Don't trouble however, as the first cop who sees you will probably pinch you anyhow. Dear Professor:
 I dreamed last Tuesday night that I was sitting on an electric fan and when ] went to the mirror l found that l had horns and there was 8 large tooth growing out of my waist line What does this mean?
 E. l.. Nichols Dear Sir; You are about to be come an Elk,
 Copyright, 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
END THE SMALL TOWN JUSTICE SYSTEM

CSsIlSI . ! E3I Ii-u
 The fee. and justice system 1T some of the small towns of Connec. ticut, including the constable sys tenn, the grand juror (prosecutorl system, and the official red tape system leading to fines or duranct vile, are as unsatisfactory as b. V d.'s in wintF.
 Constables are paid "by the ar rest" and in some towns in the state receive no remuneration at al when no arrests are made. Conse- quently they do not rely upon ar resting folks for a livelihood, but merely, for the garnerin8 of spare change. Occasionally, when hard uT for cash, more arrests are made than ordinarily.
 Here is how it works: The con stable locks a man up and notifies a grand juror, who in turn gets in touch with a justice and time for the hearing is set.
 There are no fixed times for holding court, the sessions being held whenever it Is most convenient for officials, regardless of how in- convenient it may be to the inno- cent (sometimes) citizen behind the bars; the officials have other posi- tions which keep them busy and ire quently- cause postponement of trials
 Constables frequently are said to play favorites with the grand jurors and the grand jurors do the same with-,the justices. In some towns there are family relationships be- tween these dignitaries, so that cer- taip officials get many more cases than others. And the hardest worked are not always the fairest or best versed in legal matters-very few of them either the justices or grand jurors know anything about law, be- ing laymen elected to office.
 The main idea behind the system seems to be the collection of fees the costs Of court-as quickly as possible. This is indicated by the fact that many of the cases are dropped on payment of costs" by the person In the tolls. This sys- tenn has the advantage of the town officials getting their money with out undue delay or trouble. Getting the money, it will be noted is the handspring behind this peculiar sys- tem of netting out justice.
 Offenders, when confronted with the system, are given to understand thFt the best way out of the diff culty is to pay the "costs" and gain freedom Sometimes minor offenses are charged to prevent the case from going to higher court and losing the fees to the town officers. The "sucker' rarely gets an even break
 In spite of this archaic remnant of prehistoric times, it does not nec- essarily prevent justice from being done but certainly provides con- stant temptation to officials. and is detriment to the cven-handod jurisdiction of the court system, To the; prisoner who is faced with The proposition to pay the costs and gain his freedom, regardless of oth- CT considerations. it is confusing, lie may be innocent of wrong doing and could clear himself in court at a little expense 10 himself through the employment Of counsel etc. but he is stimulated to choose the cheaper and quicker way, which is 10 pay the costs and thereby per nit the officials to obtain their pound of flesh.
 Consider case in Plainville re gently. The justice was called away L
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
Send all communications to Fun
 Shop Editor, care Of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will he forwarded to New York.
Tell Tale Traces, Folksl

TeII TaIe~1raccs, FOlkSI We don't need any calendar to tell US winters due, We only have to look about, observe a sign or two, That the beauty queen an apple picking season has slipped past, And that leaves and channel swim- mers, Folks, are disappearing fast!
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

One reason why the honeymoon n
 once lasted for q couple of years was because the bride had clothes enough to last that long.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
VERSES AND REVERSES

VERSES AND REVERSES
 The Master Test My intellect is very keen And far above the mob; To read time tables is for me A very simple job! I'm sure the world will recognize A master mind in me If I can learn to fold the things The way they used to be! D. A. Gardner
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
Dusty
No Wonder

Side Show Manager: "The flame eater says he cant work today" Owner of Show: Whats the trouble? ."
 Side Show Manager. "Scared, guess, He's got gas on his stomach, ["
 --IIilda Williamson
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

President Coolidge does not mind where these chilly December winds blow his hat so long as 1t stays in the ring.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
Member Audit Bureau of Circulation

The A. B. C. is national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver- ttsers with a strictly honest analysis of circulation. Our circulation etatistice arc based upon this audit. This insures protection againr: fraud in newspaper distribution figu. es to both national and local advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

cludes slang as well as literary can- didates for the lexicon of real English.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

"The Old Folks at Home," is a good song, but shows little knowl- edge of the old folks whereabouts
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

A good time to break off athletic relations gracefully is before you are licked.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

The Herald is on sale daily in New York a. Hotaling's Newsstand. Times SQuare; schultz's Newsstands. Entrance Grand Central, 42nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

If the dead can, come back and move tables, why don't they tip over some of the hideous bronzes erected to them?
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

Don't blame the man who wildly applauds the chorus. It may be that bootleg enables him to enjoy other legs.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
Observation On The Weather

Washington, Dec. 4.-Forecast for Southern New England: Cloudy. possibly light rain Saturday; colder at night; Sunday increasing cloudi- ness.
 Forecast for Eastern New York: Cloudy with snow in north and pos sibly light rain in south portion Saturday; colder at night; Sunday increasing cloudiness.
 Conditions: The northeastern dis turbance is central east of New foundland with increased intensity, The outlook is for considerable cloudiness Saturday and Sunday in the states east of the Mississippi river with light rains on Saturday in the north Atlantic states. It will be colder Saturday night In the north Atlantic states.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
TELEPHONE CALLS
 Business Onics .... 9z5 Editorial Rooms .... S2s

The only profitable advertising medium fn the City. Circulation books and press room always open to advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

People who say the turkey was unknown to the ancients should have tried to chew the one we had.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
Raining

Teacher; "Who was Jupiter Plu- vius?"
 Alan; He was the raining mon- arch of the Greeks"
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
How It Was

Passenger: T want to get off here"
 Conductor: Sorry ma'am, but we don't stop" Passenger: But it's my corner" Conductor: Maybe so, but it ain't your car"
 Leonard Bessman
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04
Member of the Associated Pr....

Member of the Associated Press. The Assoc4atsd Press is exclusively en- titled to the use for republication of all news credited to it or not otherwise credited in this paper and alec local news published therein.
New Britain herald., 1926-12-04

Hearing that a country church minister was praying for more light and power. a wealthy farmer bought q farm lighting plant and presented it to the church!