davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
SENSE FROM DEPEW

Genial Chauncey N. Depew has been adding 10 the attractions of early spring for many years by talking for publication upon his birthday anniversary; and as this patriarch of 92 years usually talks sense his statements exert q wide influence, or at least ought to do so. But nothing he ever says of late years equals what he said years ago: That most men dig their graves with their teeth"
 Mr. Depcw certainly has not done the usual thing in this con- ncction, exercising remarkable self control over his nourishmont. He gave an inkling of this control in his latest interview when hc dc clarcd he formerly dearly loved 10 drink pint Of champagne a day but gave it up many years ago when ho found the liquor did not agree with him.
 How many mon, dearly loving their cup, would have given 1t up for this reason? But then, Mir. Dcpew is out to live beyond tho century mark and that's how to do it.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
RADIO CHAOS

According 10 Secretary of Com mtrce Hoover, nobody now has the power 10 protect the public from utter chaos" in broadcasting. fol- lowing the decision of 2. Chicago court against the government bu- reau or against Hoover - in denying authority to assign either wave lengths or time operation of radio broadcasting stations.
 All of which may be true up to a certain point. If broadcastng sta lions are to be permitted to broad cast with any wave lengths they see fit and at any time they may desire, the result naturally will ba chaos in the air. But it Is reason. able to suppose that the broad casting stations themselves will attempt 10 regard it as being in their own interests 10 avoid con trlbuting 10 such chaos unneces- sariy. Radio receivers will not take kindly to such things and nay get disgusted enough to do less radio receiving if such threatened chaos becomes an actuality.
 The logical thing 10 do Is to hurry the White bill through Con- grcss-it has already been passed in the House and through this instrumentality create a emi-judi- cial commission 10 regulate the in- duStry and thus prevent the chaos that Secretary Hoover sees immi- nent. That the bill will pass we have no doubt, as radio listeners have SO many votes that Congress cannot afford 10 permit imminent broadcasting chaos 10 irritate this large part of the citizenship,
 The action of the Zenith Radio corporation in refusing to abide by reasonable governmental suggc@- tons as 10 hroadcasting Is at least an indication that this matter can not be left untouched by inc gov crnment. The Zenith people won their case in court, but the victory will have the effect Of stimulating congressional action 10 prevent the kind of thing that is in the offng if the great new industry Is not regulated in the interest of the public's millions Of listencrs-in.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
BUILDING 4 SHORTER
TRUNK LINE

In his article In the New York Times recently Professor William z, Ripley Of Harvard pointed out that none of tho existing trunk lines possess the shortest possible route between the two largest cities, and that all of them--includin L, r, Loree with his proposed new trunk iins--grestly desire such a line.
 Going to the beginning Of such things. The New York Central was created primarily to cater 10 New York traffic: tho Pennsylvania was desisned to furnish Philadelphia with a rout. to the west; the Balti- more & Ohio was built by Baltimore capital to benefit Baltimore ship pers. These lines succeeded from the first in doing exactly what they were planned to do.
 It Is true that the Pennsylvania was expanded to enter the New York field, and most effectually: and the E. & 0. was expanded to enter the Philadelphia field and also to a lesser extent New York. But pri- marIly these lines exist to fulhn their original intentions, with the exception of the Pennsylvania, to which New York business Is now quite as important as It's Philadel- phia trafIlc.
 An air line between New York and Chicago looks fine on paper; but the present trunk lines cover the distance by going a little further afeld but at the same time touch important traffic centers enroute. An air route between the two largest cities would avoid tapping Philadelphia, Baltimore, and lesser important traffic-producing cities, and would sprawl through a coun- try in northern Pennsylvania in which there is nothing but noun | tains. although 1t might tap the anthracite producing area to advan- tage; this anthracite area, however. Is already well supplied with rail- roads.
 Short lines have been built be- tween various important cities be- fore this, particularly in the west; these carefully avoid intervening | producing centers and as rule suf- fer il consequence. An air line be- tween New York and Chicago would be in the same fix, and in all proba bility would not get the cream of the traffic anticipated.
 If Loree wants to construct such a line, however, the l, C. C. should let him proceed. Philadelphia, Bait more and the cities In the Mo- hawk valley are great producing areas and these would not be af- fected. Loree probably would find that the Chicago 10 New York busl- ness Is not enough in itself to war rant an expenditure of $40, O00 In northern Pennsylvania alone.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
(Protected by Publishers
 Syndicatb.
25 Fears Ago Today

Fred A. Jean, the polo player has returned to town and is working as motorman for the trolley company.
 o, r. Curtis, who was defeated for representative last November by seven votes, has not given up the idea that a recount would bring him comfort in the assurance Of some mistake. He has pctitioned Repre- sentative Brady. who defeated hlm, 10 have three democrats and three republicans count the votes when the ballot boxes are opened on May 1. There secm6 to be some uncer- tainty about the votes being counted or being destroyed without counting.
 The New Britain Institute will be- come d free library on May 1. Each applicant for new books must be registered at the library, and new applicants must furnish references. About 500 to 500 new books have been added since the town meeting and there are five librarians in charge.
 The subway board has been re- organized, electing Prank H. John ston chairman and John r. Storey clerk.
 Edward Farrell was elected cap tain of the sophomore track team at the High school yesterday noon.
 The High school baseball team will open the season tomorrow af- tcrnoon with Torrington. A sharp game is expected.
 1 A peculiar case of assault was re- 1 ported to Chief Rawlings this morn 1 ine. The complainant said that q man had thrown a feather bed al his wife while the wind was at its highest and that the bed burst and scattered the feathers in all direc- ' tion&. "You've been finding faul' with papers blowing around tht streets" he told the chief; nov t, there's a case for you"
 The Young Mems club was en tertained last night at the home c William (. Huns"rforl, the l2 mcm bers being present. Principa Marcus White sketched his "xpcri enccs in Europe; he is dcvelopjn! the droll traits of a successful hu morist. It was ladies night" s' there was dancing. A collatiol was served,
 The stockholders of the Ostcrn Harold met last night and chos the following directors: John s Carlson, Frank II. Afford, Carl S Ebbcson, $. J. Bcrgstrom, and Tor sten Ryingeward. The direct or elected Mr. Carlson president, Mir Altard president, and Mi Ehheson secretary-treasurer
 Arthur [. MncT.can of Plainvill has gone 10 Norfolk, where he has fine summer hotel.
 Frank FriSbic has recovered iron his recent illness and has rcturne' to work in the l'rishie & Hemming 1 way etorc In Plainville.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
The Extreme Penalty!

Four children, two boys and two girls, were playing together. One of the boys was the judge, the other a policeman, and the two little girls were obligingly committing make believe robberies 10 provide business for the boys.
 A trial was in progress. The po- licoman had caught the four-year- old girl red-handed and hailed her into court.
 The judge pronounced sentence: You must go to jail for five years. T
 Up spoke the policeman. Give her another year, Judge. She made face at me"
 Mrs. A. w. Hole
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
IYNCHISGS

The lynching in Mississippi was an unusually spectacular affair and it is gratifying that the authorities of that state are giving it the maximum of attention in an effort to punish those responsible.
 Lynchings have been on the de- crease for several years and the Mississippi episode is no indication that this year will bo different. There were only lS lynchinss in the entire tinted States last year and l6 the year before, In inc good old days" of few decades ago there were half a hundred or so -rar.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
Now you Betsy leeves home brew alonn.' Copyright. 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden.)
Observation On The Weather

Washington, April 2S,--Forecast for Southern New England: Gen orally fair tonight and Saturday, showers Saturday night. cooler to- night; moderate to fresh northwest and north winds.
 Forecast for Eastern New York: Generally fair tonight and Saturday: showers Saturday night: moderate to frteh northwest and north winds.
 Conditions: Pressure is low over the northern states east of the Rocky mountains and cloudy weather with light showers occurred in portions of New England. the Ohio valley, the Mississippi valley and the southern states, also over scattered districts of the plains states. Areas of high pressure overlie the east Gulf and south At
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
CsE or STATISTICS
IN RUSINESS

AAN AAAhA Ao AeAA 1tARiRfANt Nph lie now has his day in court, More statistics arc being utilized in trade than ever before; what we buy and sell and the price we pay Is being largely based upon 'Index numbers" and it ts a poor business man indeed who cannot allude to them In casual conversation. The percentage col umns of a baseball league in the good old summer time arc simple and mild In comparison with the h. dex tables almost daily announced by commercial organizations and governmental bureaus. The present Is an age when we live by statistics, percentages nd index figures.
 The widespread use Of trade sta' tistics primarily dates from the war. It was when the government was busily engaged in organizing and di- rectipg industry at that time In such q manner as 10 secure supplies and equipment that the need for detail cd Information was deemed essential. The government began collecting data--reams of it. Government dol lar-a-year men. by merely tlancing at card index figures. could discern at a glance just how many bolts were needed 10 turn out certain quantity of ships, how many bolts there were in the country at the moment, how big the bolt deficit, how long 1t would take to manufact- ure sufficient bolts 10 meet the de- mand. and how many men it would take and how long they would take 10 furnish the necessary supply. IL vas 100 per cent efficiency at maxi mum strength.
 Since the war the collection and dissemination of such information has been accelerated rather than re- tarded. Private statistical agencies have been developed until every bvery branch of industry and trade is well supplied. Use of such data Is made by industry. trade and finance in determining the operations of governmental and industrial agencies and In determining public policies. Economic services use the data in studying business conditions and in making their forecasts. It is the opinion Of observers that such data Is valuable In enabling the business community to coduct operations to avoid many of the unsatisfactory experiences of the past. especially wide fluctuations In prices and in- terest rates and panics, which char acterized business and financial activity in the past.
 There is no easier way to get sea- sick than through the study of these multifarious trade statistics--until 1 one gets accustomed to their roll.
 The way the indexes work Is that 100 represents an average. Then ono can readily tell when the statistics are below or above the average.
 Taking 100 ss representing the average of trade In any line during 1919, the increase in 1925 can be as- certained at a glance, to wit:
 Total manufacturing, 129. Auto- mobiles, ?14. Petroleum. 21o. Lum- Der, 154. Cement and brick, ITS. Building contracts awarded, 19S.
 Simple, isn't 1t? But when one goes through all the lines of trade and notes the figures, one is apt to think the multiplication table has l been subject 10 enormous eXpan- sion. We have at hand commercial report devoted 10 such statistics which covers ii closely typewriter pages, which would make 22 ordin' ary typewriter pages. No, we haven't read all of 1t.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
FactsandFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

News is Just gossip on a large scale.
 Sound Judgment: The faculty that sprouts from a collection of blisters.
 
 It might be even better to beat swords into golf sticks. So live that nobody can make you look ridiculous in his memoirs. Example of unlmportant infornla- ton: There are many vitamines in prune. Naughtiness is not more prevalent than of yore. It Is Just less sneak Ing,
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
IN KLAss AT KRAzY KoLLEGE

Conducted by Judy) Teacher;
 Miss Didd will now strike Il low bow and q high C with 'canni- bal Katy Didd: ITO hoist a tramp skyward you girls don't know how Said Bertram the Bull to Kitty the ! COW; But Cannibal give milk - cen a bucket half full?' Said kitty the COW 10 Bertram the
 bull"
 Gertrude Mansbach
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Charles Tonzi has appealed his sentence Of rear in prison fol- lowing his trial on a charge Of violating inc Florida law rcgulai- ing inc conduct of business, es- ptciallv Inc realty business. By this time there are some indl'id- uals ID north who will be sur prlsed that there is q stringent law in Florida designed 10 hold Flor ,Li. n 4.,u. s .D t.,t..
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Flying from Washington 10 Now Britain and return requires an in- spiration, and there is no inspira- ton like visiting ones parents. Captain Ralph j. Mitchell of the marine corps twice has had such an inspiration and is doing his bit to add 10 the popularity of social visit flying.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
KRAZY KINDERGARTEN
Conducted by Dutsy)

Tee tcher:
 "Wile Gertrude Junior is making little socks for homeless Centipedes will ask Casper 10 tell us the news from home and mention the names Of his 3 favoritc gerls." Gas Serrole:
 My dady made some funny wine 'Out of cherries Anna big ham bone. And drank it Tillie saw pink snakes
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Credi' where it is due. etc. The weather man was right. Having had occasion 10 point out his oc- casion3l miSlakcs wc take pleasure in emphasizing that be made no mistake this week. The weather re- port for several dnys WIS the most ,.u 9 att ju tar nswvpaprrs.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Member Audit Buresu Of Circulation. The A B. c. a . natiopal organization whie. turuishss neuspsp pers and adptT. tisers with a strictly honest analysis of circulation. Our circulation statlrt'et are based upon this audit This intuie' protection agaiust fraud in nsvrpspei distribution figures to both national and local advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
Simply Wonderful.

Mrs. Highbrow (reading the dra- matic section): Tt says here that they are going to revive Julius Caesar In New York"
 Mrs. Lowbrow: "Ain't Science wonderful? And him being uncon- seious for nearly 2,00O years, too:'
 Doris Jean kratzcnstcin
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

One thing automobiles have done IS 10 provide luvsuts"for the law yers. The man who drives a car never knows when he is going 10 run into little trouble resulting in enforced employment of the le- gal fraternity.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

lantic coast states and the northern
 Rocky mountain districts and the Pacific northwest. Temperatures are somewhat higher generally in
 New England and lower in portions
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

of the lake districts, but, as a whole, are well above the seasonal averages in all parts of the country.
 Conditions favor for this vicinity probably local showers.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Member of the Associated Press. The Associated Press n exclusively sp. titled to the uts for re.publica ion ef all news credited to N o' not o,hsrv,t. credited in thts paper and also local news published herein.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
Casting Reflections

Vaughn: Jenkins certainly dress cs swell, I'd like to see myself in one of his suits" Arnold: You can; they're shiny enough
 Harry Hill
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Th" two New Britain motorists who viii drire 10 California and r,turn in l2 weeks will enjoy a sri.u,iil vacation and sec muoh Of .no country. but probably will have though automobile driving 10 last lHom t&o remainder of the sum- iI. r.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
Death Was TOO Good!

Your Honor. I'm guilty of killing my wife. Don't care if you hang me or just give me life" I just HAD to do 1t, so sentence ahead. That woman WOULD eat soda crackers in bed,
 J. M. Matthewman
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
TELEPHONE CALLs
 BuEness OTles .... pfo Editorial Rooms .... sfe

rhs only profitable advertising medium in the City. Circulation books aud pssas room siways open to advertisers
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

The Herald 10 on sals daily in New York at HOtsnns's Newsstand. Times Square; schutz'r Newsstand1 Entrance Grand Central t-nd Street.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
WHEN BLACK IS READ
My Mind Was Elsewhere!

My Mind Was Elsewhere.
 GA Tricky Trlolet I kissed her in the vestibule. Alas, alack! I hate 10 tell That I was such an awful fool! I kissed her in the vestibuIe And got a kick, like from mule From daddy, who came down pell mell. I kissed her in the vestibule--- AND LEANED AGAINST THE BELL!
 Lester Rounds.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
@x9Ss aaaSSSkzqb IF MAxs0N ExKlH Enrz
MxSONE ExKlLx Jtnnl

Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care Of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will be forwarded to New York.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
Heavy Stun!

"Oh. don't you like my biscuits,
 dear""
 She asked him with pout: "It simply breaks me up to hear You talk of dining out" He dropped her biscuit with q thud, And said, with lying smlrk: ''You are too light, my fragile bud, To do such heavy work"
 James C. Bailey
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

It's a hard world If she looks plump enough in bathing suit, she looks too well fed in a street frock.
 A free country Is one In which each individual is free to feel su- perior to his betters.
 Alas, Love of country seldom is in tense unless accompanied by hatred of another country.
 We know an ardent vet who says the mechanical horse isn't the only thing MT. Coolidge straddles.
 At this season we are reminded that many d yaledctorian later works for a class mate who barely squeezed through.
 Correct this sentence: NO, thanks" said he; I'm a government official and honor forbids me to take a drop.'
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

If only the dear things wouldn't get the bloom of youth higher on one cheek than on the other,
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

New fashions would be more com fortahln if tho weather wasn't so old fashioned.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Our "Health And Happiness" Hint We're thinking. folks. these disposi- tons of ours Should be guarded by slickers of humor. Then we. like the flower, would hail April showers. And of grumbllng there'd be not a rumor!
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

A man may be verry, very dry, and yet be sport enough to despise those who tattle on the wet.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

1T France wants to try another minister of finance, we know a chap who pulls wads of money from an empty hat.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
New Britain Herald
HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily tsundsy Eresptsdb At Herald Bldg. s1 Church Street
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

rntsrsd at the Post ohies at Rsv Britain
 As ascond Class Nah Matter.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Then, too, MT. Borah, Britain might be made to pay for damage done back there about 1176.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

Lie: A conception seven parts imagination and three parts yellow streak.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

He Got It, Too!
 Diner: T want some applesauce. :" Waitress: "All right, you dear,
 sweet thing! My. but aren't you the Ihandsomest fellow I've ever seen When you look at me like that,
 sheik, my heart goes pitty-pat."
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23
Little Eva

She put her "nightie" in the wash |; She should have used more sense. The laundry sent it back, and wrote, We do not do up tents!"
 Marion Hartman
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

If you build hig business, you're sinister influence; If you don't. you're a darned failure.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

suBscRIPTIoN RATES tt.to . Year.
 tloo Three Moatha
 7so. . Month.
New Britain herald., 1926-04-23

It would be more appropriate If some of the worlds great were done in brass instead of bronze.
The Washington times., 1926-11-26
OF BAY.
To Be MADE

Al comprehensive survey OF
Chesapeake Bay and its tributaries
win be made during the coming
year by the Coast and Geodetic
Survey, it was announced today.
while these surveys Of import
ant harbors are Of primary import
ance for the purpose Of navigation,
the data obtained Is also Of value
to the civil and military engineers
engaged in harbor improvements
and marine construction Of all
kinds" declared Col. r.. Lester Jones,
director of the survey.
During the past year, In connec-
ton with q sanitary survey Of the
Potomac river near washington,
sanitary engineers of the Public
Health Service requested the results
OF current observations In this vi
entity, but no comprenensive survey
had been made.
This area" Jones said, "will be
included III the proposed survey for
the whole of the bay. In time it
ls planned to extend these current
surveys to every l1arbor Of import
ance In United States.
The Washington times., 1926-11-26
BRIEFS OF
ARLINGTON

ARLINGTON COUNTY. Nov. 25.
Arlington county's need of plumb
ing inspector was urged today by
the Arlington County Plumbers AS
ISOLATION. >it being brought out that
Of the II jobs inspected during the
last month four were found to be
defective.
With reports still incomplete, the
county has far exceeded the record
OF last year In the annual ron call
of the American Red Cross, accord
Ing to Mrs. Catharine NJ. Rogers,
general chairman.
George w. Hawshurst has been
elected clerk Of the town OF Falls
Church, succeeding j. r. Hayerty,
who refused to run again. Mr..
Hawshurst will assume office De-
Gambler /. Other officers elected
are: Amos Rusk, special policeman,
and DIR. c. A., Ransom. health
officer. The appointment OF a
sanitary inspector will be made
later. the mayor has stated.
In addition to the election. the
town council passed ordinances pro,
viding for a."n'nt"'ent NJ ele
inspectors with fee of SO. e. NJ.
Symonds and Frank Sagendoi.
appointed.
The order recently entered by the
mayor calling for muzzling all dogs
was rescinded.
Two couples hoping to obtain
marriage licenses yesterday were
disappointed Rhen they found the
clerks office locked.
Henry c. Messner, Lyon Park,
and Miss Josephine Knauer, Cedar
Rapids, Iowa, were married at the
home of Mr.. and Mrs. Arthur Orr,
sister Of the groom, by the Rev.
George II. Fielding. pastor Of the
Clarendon Methodist Church, yester-
day. After December /, Mr.. and
Mrs. Messner will be at home In
Lyon Park.