davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Longitudinal.

Blushing Newlywed-I want q
chair big enough for two.
Wise Furniture Dealer Amy
chair is big enough for two if
you sit on it right.
Texas Ranger.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Cross Purposes.

Would-Be Suicide-Don't res
cue me; / want to die.
Swimmer Well, you'll have
to postpone that; I want a life
saving medal.
Princeton Tiger.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Proverbially.

Miss DenEe, allow me to pre-
sent Professor Bright"
"oh, professor, please do some
thing absent-minded."
-Notre Dame Juggler.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
The Events Leading Up to
the Tragedy.

the Tragedy.
"How do you spell wrong?"
"R-o-n-g."
"That's not right"
"No, It's wrong"
"Then, why did you spell it
that way?"
"What wsy2"
Wrong"
isn't that what you asked
for?"
eyes"
"Well, WRONG"
That's right"
mo, it's wrong"
"!?-S%? Indianapolis Log.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Between the Sheets.

Jack What's the technical
word for snoring?
James-Give it up.
Jack-Sheet music.
Buffalo Bison.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Startling.

Sophisticated Maid Crying to
arouse the interest of an indif-
ferent Yale senior)-Look out,
Johnny, I'm going to scare you.
(Kisses him. Now, Johnny, you
scare me.
Johnny-BooLYale Record.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Easily Satisfied.

Helen told me / was the an
swer to a maiden's prayer"
"She didn't ask for much"
Rice Owl.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
New Uses for Old Slogans.

New Uses Tor Old Slogans.
Don't keep that schoolgirl complexion said the young blood
he busted off his after petting party.
s masters voice. mumured the stenog her boss talked
to his wife the phone.
MakeS dressing easy thought the college after look
at the chorus
she being introduced to-
Good till the last DROP" said the looked lovingly
at his plane.
"99 and 441OO per pure" thought girl
with a divinity student
1.-THE tells" replied
him what kind of soup was.
Tme retire. said the rae father booted his daughters
boy friend out the front door at o'clock in the morning
Colby White Mule.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Etiquette.

A knife in the mouth Is worth
two in the back.
Dartmouth Jack O. Lantern.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Keyed Up.

First Musician-What key you
playing in?
Second Ditto-Skeleton key.
First Musician-Skeleton KEY?
Second Ditto-Sure. Fits any,
thing.-lllinois Siren.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
On the Hunt.

And the little rabbits all ex-
claimed: "We're game"
Cornell Widow.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
It's a Great Night for II.

Lady-You say your mother is
ill to-day?
Johnny-Yessum, sumpin the
matter with her throat.
Lady-Well, that's too bad.
She was we'll when l visited her
yesterday.
Johnny Huh! It's your fault,
then. Ma said you always give
her a pain in the neck.
Brown jug.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
The Joke on Him.

why do they call you joker?"
"oh, they raised me in a poker
game."-Rutgers Chandelier.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Low Voices.

Co-eds (noticing sign in the
library)-"Only Low Talk Per-
mitted here"
First Co-ed-Fne. Now / can
go on with the story I was telling
you.-0kla. Whirlwind.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
She-Isn't football hard work.
He-Oh, no, just play after play.
Price of Freedom.

Eyes, she's free tonight"
How much is she on other
nights ?"-Rutgers Chanticleer.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Texas Ranger,
While You Can.

Think before you drink you
can't afterwards.
Cornell Widow.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Come Eleven.

II just don't like your face"
rs Eat SO? Well, II Moses ever
say your face, he'd "a made an
other commandment"
Brown jug.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Historical Gamblers.

Paris-Decided the first beauty contest.
Horatius-Won at bridge.
Alexander-Won everything in the world.
Romulus and Remus-Founded a city on a
lucky roll of seven.
Caesar-Casts die at the Rubicon and eventu-
ally Cassius wins.
Antony-Played queen high.
Nero-Played while Rome burned.
Madame Pompadour-Played the deuce with
the king.
Marie Antoinette-Lost on king.
First and Second Gravedgger-All they had
was spades.
Henry VIlI-Discarded five queens.
Prince Edward-The black jack.
Columbus-Led Isabella out of diamonds.
Ponce de Leon--The original Florida land spec
ulator.
Lincoln-He matches pennies.
The James Brothers-They broke the bank.
Bluff Prince Hal.
Ponzi. Illinois Siren.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Below Sea Level.

Nee-Why did they kill the
Dead Sea?
Deep Because it wasn't on
the level.
Rutgers Chanticleer.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Save the Surface.

"Some lips are made to kiss"
"And some are made over af-
forwards"
III NJ Wash Columns.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Famous Lines.

amOuS Lines.
Swee AIDE
Drop me a
Street CAR
up
Clothes-
Aka
Caro-
Mason-Dixon-
-o'type
Waist
The co-ed's-
Michigan Gargoyle.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Titles Progress.

She was such pretty grille,
Tillie Wendt;
Her hair was brown and curly,
Tillie Wendt;
With her books she was elated,
Her food she masticated,
She was unsophisticated,
Tillie Wendt.
When he rich old daddy called her,
Title Wendt;
When story quite appalled, her,
Tillie Wendt;
But she left her home in Kansas,
In the West she had good chances.
And when fellows spoke Of dances,
TIllie Wendt.
Now she's much admired at college,
Tillie Wendt;
She has taking ways Of knowledge,
Tillie Wendt;
Other night when winds were blowing
And a cheerful fire was glowing
She kept her fellow going,
Tillie Wendt.
California Wampus.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Couldn't.

"Shall / sing you the Star
Spangled Banner'?"
Cripple No, won't stand
for it.
Dartmouth Jack o. Lantern.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-04
Curtaini

Twas amateur night at the Opera House /;
Robinson Crusoe" was the play;
A hurricane swept across the stage
And blew the cast-away.
Williams Purple Cow.
The Undying Past.
I've kissed hundred girls since you,
Chloe;
I've sworn to many I'd be true,
Chloe;
But the kiss that / remember
Was the one made last December,
And your little nose was blue,
Chloe.
Your kiss will haunt me when I'm old,
Chloe;
Although your hairs no longer gold,
Chloe;
For l never will forget
may, l dream feel it Yeti
Gosh, your little nose was cold,
Chlosl Columbia Jester.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
DISARMAMENT

According to Associated Press
cables from Geneva, close follow
ers of the question of world dis
armament "are inclined to be
skeptical" as to the results of a
general disarmament conference
which will be convoked before
next September by the League
of Nations.
There is wide disagreement on
the question which American ex-
perts consider of fundamental
importance-the method to be
followed in comparing the
strength of various nations.
France and Italy insist that
the proper way to compare
navies is by total tonnage, while
the United States, Great Britain
and Japan contend that war
ships alone should be considered.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
MOST SERIOUS CRIME

For ignoring the amber traf-
fic light and injuring three pc
destrians, a driver in this city
was fined $40 and costs. For
carrying a hot water bottle fill
ed with moonshine between his
shoulders, a pedestrian was fin
ed 500. For violation of Ne
braska's liquor laws two farm
ers are under sentence there, one
to spend twenty days and the
other forty on a diet of bread
and water-a regime of semi
starvation, physicians call it.
Those who merely commit nun
der, highway robbery, or arson
in Nebraska get the full prison
fare. From instances noted
over the country generally, in
ference may be drawn that pos
session of liquor is becoming the
most serious of all crimes.--Cin-
cinnati Times-Star.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
WHO PAYS THE
WAGES?

1t is a good thing when the labor
ing man realizes that it is his output
that pays the wages.
The difference between America
and Europe, and the difference also
between democracy and socialism, is
that in America and under demo-
cracy we realize that our wages come
from our output, while in most of
Europe and under socialism,, capital
is supposed to pay the laborer.
Mr.. Henry Ford's experiments have
pretty we'll proved that if you can
make a product excellent enough and
make the price reasonable enough, it
is easier to pay the laborer high
wages.
The trouble with the mi ers in
England is that they have not pro-
duced enough; consequently their
wages were low.
The American working man excels
the working man of other countries
by his productivity.
The Department of Labor by its
recent investigations shows that the
output of American labor has in
creased and is increasing rapidly.
Thus in automobile making a man
produced two hundred and ten per
cent more in 1924 than in 1914, in
shoe manufacturing one hundred and
seventeen per cent more, and in iron
and steel forty-nine per cent more.
American labor is fortunate in that
it has leaders who recognize where
their money comes from.
All restrictions of output, damage
to machinery, ca'canny and so forth,
mitigate more and more against high
wages.
It is a truth not apparent upon the
surface, but none the less true, that
high wages do not interfere with the
low price of product. The Ford
company pays high wages and puts
out low-priced product.
High wages mean better quality
of work and more desirable output.
Even without a tariff excellent and
well paid labor in America would have
no difficulty in competing with the
underpaid labor from abroad. By
DIR. Frank Crane.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
STRIKE RIGHT GETS UNEXPECT.
ED SUPPORT

Southern cotton planters will strike
next year. They have produced so
much this year that low prices
threaten ruin.
Bankers and business men favor the
cotton shutdown. Mortgages and
loans are endangered, the commun-
ity's purchasing power is lessened and
| istagnation will follow low cotton
prices.
To trade unionists, the problem is
a simple one, but the bankers and
business men have formerly insisted
on the rule of "every man for him
self"
Alarmed at the prospect of glutted
markets and low prices, they accept
the new theory-as far as cotton
growers are concerned-and agree to
aid the strike. So next years pro-
duction will be rs per cent less than
this years output.
If any grower would play the
strikebreaker part by planting 100
per cent acreage to secure expected
higher prices, the banks will not loan
him money This will make it inn
possible for the strikebreaker to carry
on until his crop natures.
The proposed cotton strike is un-
usual and sensational. It is indicative
of social, economic and industrial
changes, 1t again proves that when
these changes affect mems material
interests, old ideals and practices are
abandoned.
The cotton strike is of especial in
terest to organized workers, who
point to improved processes and in
creased production in industry as a
justification for reduced hours and
higher wages.
Bankers and business men tell
them, however, that they "would in
terfere with the law of supply and
demand"
The workers do not take an ar
bitrary position on shorter hours.
They ask that this be applied in in
dustries where it is conceded the in
dustrial machine dare not operate 100
per cent. They cite the key indus
tries, such as steel, coal, automobiles,
textiles and building.
The bankers and business men de-
cline to discuss the issue, although the
workers insist that they can make
their point as plain as do the cotton
growers.
The bankers and business men not
only withhold approval, but they con-
fuse the issue. They decline to ac-
cept the unionists' challenge, while
they give every aid to the cotton
strike.
1t is in order for some ''molder of
public opinion" to explain this facing
both ways by such influential groups
of citizens.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

Pounds of butterfat per
COW w............... 249 20'
Economy and Efficiency of Feeding.
Feed per unit livestock 103 : IL!
Receipts per $500 fed
livestock ...... ......... ITS l0l
Receipts per 500 fed
dairy cattle. .......... 225 liz
A study Of the two columns of fig
ures shows that there was only q
small difference in the average capital
invested in the two groups of farms
More intensive farming was practiced
by the farmers in Group 1-they had
more livestock and more cows per
farmer, per acre and per man. Their
enterprises made possible more hours
of productive work per farm.
A further study Of the figures shows
that the farms in Group l produced
more efficiently than did those In
Group 2. The Group farms produced
larger crop yields-12296 against 1919.
basing 1000 as an average. Group l
farms produced more butterfat per
cow-249 pounds per COW as against
2O7 pounds. Or, to put it in terms Of
milk, approximately lila. pounds per
COW as against 5,914 pounds.
That brings us to the points Of the
lesson worth mailing down. These
points are as follows:
"a The intelligent, efficient feeding
good roughage plus milk-making
grain ration-practiced on Group /
farms, returned 1925 for every 500
worth of feed fed dairy cattle. (2) On
the other farms only about half as
much, or to be exact, only $118 was
returned out of every 500 worth of
feed. (3) On one group of farms the
crops of SO acres plus purchased con-
centrates show yearly labor income
of 81, ,423-primarily because more In
telligent feeding resulted in receipts
of 1925 from over $1OO worth Of rough
age, farm grown grains and pur-
chased concentrates (4) The other
group cleared only $95 labor income
for 12 months hard work, and had
receipts Of only $118 from every 500
worth of feed.
Little wonder the Larrowe Institute
of Animal Economics was founded to
study the economics of efficient pro-
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
TOO MUCH LUMBER

Too much lumber production
is the general complaint thruout
Washington and Oregon. More
than so per cent of the popula-
tion in the timber belt of the two
states is engaged in the lum-
Der industry. Production is in
excess of the market. Shut
downs are the rule, and low
wages paid to unorganized work
ers affects all business.
Fruit growers also complain
that over-production has ruined
markets.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

COW as an individual according to her
production and start making more
money within week." all Of which
was merely another way of stressing
greater efficiency.
We had not gone very far into the
subject Of animal efficiency before |
found myself facing facts obtained
from official sources presented In two
neatly arranged tables for single COM
PARSONS. The new data In these
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

a slightly different angle, 1t is costing
our farmers $1,2OO,OOO,O00 year in
feed, labor and overhead expense to
keep the 100000 tramp cows that
produce less than the U. S. average
milk production per COW. And none of
these tremendous losses will be stopped
until American farms are put on a
business basis.
That is the opinion of James e.
Larrowe, a successful business man
whose clearly defined ideas on farm
ing are the result of facts, proven on
his noted Larro Research Farm and
coupled with government and state
field data covering thousands Of east
ern and southern farms.
We talked together in his office, WIS.,
.ited his research farms, questioned the
nutrition experts, former college pro.
fessors, fact and detail hunters in his
recently organized Larrowe Institute
of Animal Economics, and was
amazed to learn how closely inter-
woven the businesses of milk, egg and
meat production were with the general
business structure Of the nation, and
the large part they play in our ma
tional economic life.
l wanted to get into the data, re-
ports and charts used by the Institute
workers, so started at the beginning
with simple question. Suppose" |
asked, "a farmer is making a living
milking cows, producing few eggs,
feeding a few hogs and growing crops
to feed his stock. He feels his cows
ought to make more profit. What can
he do that will increase his profits
increase his profits right away, not
next year?"
The answer / received certainly hit
the nail on the head.
Answer: 'You are depending on
cows for a living. Milk at low cost is
what you want. Very well. 1t takes
good cows, good hay and good grain
ration to make money. You can't buy
better cows, unless you have the
money. You can't breed new gen.
GRAFTON of better cows from the ones
you have. That takes years. But you
can, in four cases out Of five, improve
or change your grain ration, feed each
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

income" because labor income repre-
sents the amount Of earnings left for
one years work after all expenses
and interest at so on our investment
have been taken into account. If we
can't make money, why farm at
all?
Quite big difference between 81, ,428
and 500 as the result of whole years
work At least that is how 1t struck
me, listening to James e. Larrowe out
line the three factors which are keep
ing down profits In Americas greatest
industry. These are the waste, not
the cost, Of feed, the low production
per animal, and the waste Of time be-
cause of poor management
Or. looking at the same picture from
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
BAN SMOKING TEACHERS

Public school teachers who
slGoke or make light of the pro-
..lbltion amendment have been
placed under the ban by the
Stark County Woman's Chris
tian Temperance Union.
The union recently passed a
resolution opposing the hiring
of teachers who indulge in the
use of the weed or who ridicule
the dry laws.-Massillon (Ohio)
Independent.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

duction from dairy cows, fowls and
hogs for this nation Of milk, egg and
pork eaters. We farmers need 1t. We
waste land, we waste man-power, we
waste hay, fertility and machinery.
But our most appalling waste is our
wastage Of grain through improper
feeding and through our failure to use
proven, tested, milk-making rations,
egg-producing mashes, and economical
pOrk-makinR feeds
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
NOW HAS NEW MEANING

Since the World War, the
word propaganda" has lost it's
innocent meaning and now ex-
cites suspicion.
Propaganda, publicity and ad-
yertising are coming to be class
ed in one category. They arc
all used in business fakes aid
fraud. In a world of personal
and party interest, self-seekers
and party agents continually ex-
pioit innocent words and
phrases.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
's7ran,p" Co,Os Cost Farmers
More Than Billion q Year
Huge Drain on Agriculture Can Be Offset BY Better
Methods Says Institute Founder
BY /. J. BRosEMER

tables did more to convince me that
farm profits depend upon efficient
feeding than have any figures ! had
ever seen In this age of statistics and
nation of statisticians. These data
are worth a good many hundred dol.
lars to any thinking farmer keen
enough to learn the lesson they teach.
In the table are given pictures In
figures" of what resulted from a years
work on two large groups of farms.
In the very first line Is shown the last
thing a farmer finds out-his yearly
labor income. The farmers in Group
/ make $1,423 labor income. That
sum is practically 15 times greater
than the labor income made by the
farmers in Group 2.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

per farm. One
group showed a
yearly labor In
come Of 81, ,423.
The other group
cleared only $95
labor income for
twelve months
hard work.
What all of us
with money in
vested In land,
animals and crops
want in goodly
measure, year aft
ar wear, Is "labor
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

1t is said on the best of authority
that a bee dies when it stings you,
which is what ought to happen to the
fellow who talks you into buying a
bale or so Of worthless oil or gold
mining stock
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

Two groups Of farms represent an
average business investment of $4,000
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29
OVER PRODUCTION

F. C. Dumaine, treasurer of
the Amoskeag Company, Man
chester, N. H., is the latest to
give left-handed approval to
the shorter work week. In his
annual report he states that cot
ton machinery can produce more
goods than the world requires.
The company is the largest
manufacturer of cotton goods in
the world. It opposes organized
labor and maintains company
union"
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

Only men whose selfish inter-
ests dominate their minds can
see harm in the Union Label.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

the Income OF These TWO
o
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

Patronize our advertisers.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1926-10-29

political ADVERTISEMENT
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-12-28
Grand Jurors Can
Find No Corruption
Of Indiana Officials

Indianapolis, Ind, Dec. 27.-(P1-
Corruption charges made against In
diana state officials have been given
no substantiation, in testimony pre-
scented to the Marian County Grand
Jury that body reported today. The
Grand Jurors recommended, however,
that investigation of the charges be
pursued and suggested that the sue
ceeding grand jury to be sworn in at
the beginning of the new year should
continue the inquiry.
Difficulty in obtaining witnesses
and the unwillingness of some wit
nesses to testify were set forth by
the investigating body as reasons
why the inquiry. should be pursued
The report brought to a conclusion
eleven weeks of inquiry into the cor
ruption charges made by Thomas H
Adams. publisher of the Vincennes,
Ind, Commercial. and given nation
wide circulation because of their SEN
sational character and also because
of the standing of their sponsor. Ad-
ans. member of the Indiana Re-
publican Editorial Association, made
the charges against men in his own
political party.
The charges were based on the all
legged corruption of high state Of
ficialS by d. G. Stephenson, former
Nu kluX Khan grand dragon. These
officials, in seeking Stephenson's po-
litical support, entered into corrupt
deals with the ex-Klan leader, the
charges urged.
Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1926-12-28
National Student
Conference Against
New Year Resolutions

Milwaukee, Wis, Dec. 81 - up -
Avoiding resolutions. which have
been found wanting in results, some
5000 students were gathering tonight
for Laboratory study" to deter
mine whether Christianity can be of
any practical use in changing exist
ing conditions" it was declared by
John M. Moore of Park College,
Parkville, Mo-, one Of the leaders in
the national student conference.
The delegates, representing scores
of colleges and universities in the
United States will open their con-
ference tomorrow.
Conferences in the past of SINH
lar organizations. have been taken up
with discussions of Christianity from
the intellectual point of view," Mr..
Moore said. "The student volunteer
movement Is principally for the pur-
pose of encouraging foreign mission
work. But this conference. which
will meet for the first time, is con-
cerned with practical aspects of
Christianity.
1.-THE conference Is student af-
fair, world problems will come up,
and delegates will be urged to take
stands on the issues raised. We, are
againstN the passing Of resolutions,
because they don't seem to get any
where"
Those in charge of the meeting
have indicated that the freedom Of
modern youth and it's revolts from
convention will be discussed widely.