davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07

not only had he usurped the expected
MANS place. but mis- errand as well
Evidently. both had the same end in
view. Ford was interviewing him in
the others absence. for the very part
be 30 much desired
Il he had been able to observe the
thorough scrutiny he was undergoing,
he would have realized that the de-
mand for music was a pretense. After
while Ford remarked quietly:
"You'l dol"
Leicester felt unable to reply. He
owed it to the other man to explain,
Of Ford would only give him the OPP
portunity
'It was with serious misgivings that
told Smithers would see you" Ford
was beginning when Leicester in a de-
termined manner broke in.
Before you go any further, Mr..
Ford, / must tell you that you have
made a mistake. | am not the man
you were expecting. and am not here
because you sent for me. Apparently
/ happened to call just at the time
you had appointed and was taken for
him. The strangest part of it is that
/, too, am an actor, and came to ask
for the part which / think he must
have been intended"
Rather mlxed-up state of affairsi"
Ford replied. eff you act the part as
well as you look 1t, you are the man
/ want. Do you know, have been
looking for the right mana typical
young American--for weeks! The
man expected today was one my
manager has been urging me to try
for days past Without even knowing
the fellow, feel sure shouldn't like
him. I'm glad that he failed to keep
the appointment, or that Smithers
couldn't find whatever it was that
prevented his coming. It win give me
great pleasure to phone that self-sat-
isfled manager of mine that ] shall
not need his protege. as have already
found a most satisfactory man for the
part"
Would you mind telling me the
name of the unlucky fellow whom J
am supplanting?a asked Leicester.
can obscure man." replied Ford,
'by the name of Leicester Miles
Leicester"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
WORKS FOR FUN
10Y In Life 10 Tiss<ering About His
Home After Business Hours.

Joy In Life 10 TissSering About His
Home After business Hours.
You know the Handy Man. don't
you! asks Halnptons Magazine, the
fellow that makes his own fly screens
and they fit; that knows how to give
Lie COW castor oil. for she won't take
it from spoon like a person; that
rigs up reel for his lawn hose in
stead of hanging it on hook to
spring u leak. that lays his own ce-
ment walk and steps just little out
Of gee, but look how little it all cost
him. that builds his own mission fur
niture, which has to be moved with
a pry when they sweep; that paints
everything about his place that paint
Will stick to; that takes his clock
apart to clean it instead of sousing
the works into gasoline the way the
fellow does that comes around to the
house; that can fix the door bell
when it won't ring. and has all the
locks and hinges on the place SO that
they pretty near work of themselves.
You know the Handy Man, don't you?
Well, / don't like him. have a
friend who, I'm sorry to relate, is that
way every chance he gets. He makes
a good living by honorably doing what
isn't OF the least account in life, but
just to show you his low instincts;
he's even moved my lawn just for the
fun of it, Think of that, will you?
Moved my lawn just for the fun of
it!
said to him. Ed" l says. what
makes you do that way?"
"Oh. don't know" ne answered. in
a sheepish sort of way; Il like TO.
Now. / said, that's no answer.
Why do you like to-? For the exer-
cise?"
Wei. some. sDose." he told me.
and got red in the face. but il isn't
that so much l like to work with my
hands; that's about the amount Of it.
repeat, don't like the Handy Man
at all But you understand as well as
do that all my mockery Of him has
been an effort to get revenge for all
his mOckery OF me and my thumb
handednes. In my heart of hearts.
must own up that all our present high
estate is from his handicraft.
The erected man must first nave
hands that could relieve the jaws from
holding things ere ever the wide
stretching mouth could shorten
and contract enough to form the
sounds of speech. No story writ
er has ever dared to make his
castaway on a desert island as
naked and empty handed as were
our far-off ancestors when they land
ed on this planet. not penny in their
pockets. and no pockets. Ready to-
perish were our fathers and all the
way along from the first taking Of a
flint to give it cutting edge to this
day in which the yielding air has fin
ally been made a solid pathway for
our travel, it has been the skillful
hand that has created for us world
to live in the hand Of the Handy
Man.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
THE EsKIMo,s PIPE
Small Bowls With Stems of WaIrus
Tusk Handsomely Carved.

Small Bowls With Stems of WaIrus
Tusk Handsomely Carved.
The pipes used by the Eskimos are
quite different from those of any 9TH
er North American race. and in the
shape of the bowl more resemble the
opium pipes used by the Chinese than
anything else. The old pipes were
very small in the amount of tobacco
that they would hold, for in former
days tobacco was extremely scarce
and in its use was most carefully hus-
banded.
There was therefore a wide flaring
margin to the pipe to catch any grains
of tobacco that might be spilled in
filling it, then there was a hollow
which would hold pinch of tobacco
half as large as an ordinary pea and
rather wide hole passing down
through the base of the bowl which
fitted into the pipe stem. The bowl
of the pipe was Of ivory, stone. brass
or copper.
The pipe stem was curved and had
a mouthpiece. 1t is said that the
small hole running down through the
base of the bowl and into the pipe
stem was usually plugged with car
bou hair to save any grams Of tobac-
co that might otherwise have passed
down through this aperture and so be
lost The smoking of such pipe
would not last long, and we may pre-
sumo that very few draws would
exhaust it. The smoke was of course
taken into the lungs.
The Eskimos are known to be ex
tremely skillful in the representation
of scenes anu objects, while the In
dams of Queen Charlotte's Sound and
generally all the natives of the north
west coast of America are famous for
their carving in wood and in black
slate. Handsomely carved Eskimo
pipes of walrus ivory from northwes
tern Alaska have on each side of the
pipe, that is to say on four more or
less long flat surfaces, scenes from
the daily life of the Eskimo. Of these
the two sides on the right hand Of
the pipe, as it is held in position for
smoking, appear to represent the per-
iod Of cold weather, later autumn.
winter and early spring. while those
on the left hand side of the pipe rep
resent the summer life of the Eskimo
New Arrival-"And where do go
when this Smelling business starts?"
Sandy tlate of the wee Kirk" -
Laddie. that a. depends on your re-
1oao;o.,S <,r1no,,i..v,e. 70
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
Resumed the Envelope

The treasurer Of the Newburyport
waterworks sent out his annual bills
one year by mail. In the corner of
the envelope was the customary re-
quest: "After FIVE days return to
Newburyport waterworks, Newbury'
port. aMss." What was his surprise to
have woman come into his office five
days afterward and pass him an empty
envelope. with the remark: Here Is
your envelope. but what you want OF
it is more than / can see"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
Mnt al nrInk

Strickland Gillian, the lecturer and
the man who pole-vaulted into fame by
his "OR Ag'in, on Ag'in. Finnegan"
verses, was about to deliver a lecture
in a small Missouri town. He asked
the chairman of the committee
whether he might have small pitcher
of ice water on the platform table.
's,ro drink?" queried the committee
man.
mo" answered Gillian. Il do a
high-diving act"
high-diving act"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
Wine, Woman and Song
(From Judgel

A man called upon physician for
advice. The physician diagnosed the
case as one OF nerves and prescribed
accordingly. The fee was five dollars
and the prescription two dollars. The
man had only i've dollars. He said
to the physician;
DOC, fye dollars is all have. Lend
me two dollars and I'll have the pre-
scription filed"
The physician gazed at the man for
moment, then said, Il have made a
mistake in my diagnosis. Your nerve
il all right. You are afflicted with an
enlarged gain. There is no remedy for
that"
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07

New Arrival-"And where do go
when this Smelling business starts?"
Sandy Clate Of the wee Kirk" -
Laddie. that a. depends on your re-
leegious Opeenions.D
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
(FroEn Judgel

HeueCttons IEoW Wttoui
(From Judge)
Uneasy lies the woman's head that
wears last years crown.
Handsome is as handsome dress.
What is Worth doing, is Worth do
Ing swell.
God save the kings blue, II it rains.
Figures cannot iebut they may be
padded to the limit.
Paint art oft makes fair lady
One good turban deserves another.
A hat, hat, my kisses for hat!
Chicken feathers come harvard to
roost.
Haste makes untidy waist. /.
She hath donned what she could.
It's lone train that has no trim
ming.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
Any Time
(From Judgel

Nell-Eliza went to an astrologer to
ind out when was the best time to get
married
StelI-What did ne tell her?
Nellie took one look at her and
told her to grab her first chance.
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
IN oHANCERY OF NEW JERSEY
TO MARY vERANcE IovINo:

BY virtue of an order of the Court of Chan gerry
OF New Jersey, made on the day of the date
hereof, in a certain cause wherein Onofrio
Iovinosis petitioner. and you are defendant,
or demur to petitioners petition on or before
the thirteenth day of November next, or in de-
fault thereof such decree will be taken against
you as the Chancellor shall think equitable
and just.
The object of said suit Is to obtain decree
of divorce dissolving the marriage between
you and the petitioner.
Dated September 2oth. 1876.
Stokes, NfcDERoTT s. HARTSHORNE,
Solicitors Of Petitioner.
West Main ST., Freehold, N. J.
no iines4-tl Ise.ssl
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07
one Answer

Teacher drawing two parallel Mnes
On ehe blackhoard) What relation are
these tines b eh other7
Nsad 0g Ezo class Thlnas
The Monmouth inquirer., 1926-10-07

What's an egotist, papa r.
~Ask your mother"
~Well, mammal"
s'your father
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
LAUGHS
VERSA. SNOW

San Antonio's heavy snow of last
winter has been the subject of con-
siderable humorous comment in the
East, according to A. f. Dugosh, rep.
resentative of big dcpa rtment store
who has just returned from New
York.
Heard the winter playground of
America had snow this year. a New
Yorker remarked to Mr.. Dugosh.
Quite right" he agreed and the
New Yorker chuckled. But
You see it was this way" Mr..
Dugosh explained, I'VE had hundreds
of tourists from your part of the
country and they were getting home
sick. So nature just up and took
cognizance of the fact and sent us a
little snow. And our tourists were so
happy they stayed couple of months
longer"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
:. A. NATIVE SON
WRITES VIVID
STORY
Scion Stewart Publishes New
Tale Rejecting
q Travels.

San Antonio has an author Of no
mean talent in Scion Stewart of ia
Cedar street. r.
In the last edition Of the Danger
Trail magazine another of his inter
esting stories appears, AT Harcasi'
tas." He is the author Of many tales
and some of them possess literary rec
ognition. Especially 'The Contract OF
Corporal living" which first ap'
peared in the Harper's Magazine and
later was picked for Edward }.
O'Brien's volume of the BEST Stories
of 1928"
His story AT Harcasitas" is one
of vengeance in Mexico. 1t concerns
Adolfo Flores and his wife. Cuca,
whom FL Captain of the Insurrectos
wantonly killed. Adolfo follows the
Captain and captures him. bringing
him back to his house and burning
him alive with the corpse of his wife,
first making sure that the Captain
will not die for about three days.
When war was declared Mr.. Stew.
art joined the English army. While in
the service he Travelled in France, Bel.
GUM, South Africa, India and while
in Mesopotamia gathered the color for
his story THE Contract of Corpora
living" His pen is still working on
other manuscripts.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
8. A. MINERAL
WEALTH TOLD

Further exploitation of the vast, un'
developed mineral resources of the
trade territory around San Antonio is
planned by the San Antonio Manu-
facturers' association with the coIlec
ton of several hundred specimens OF
metals and minerals which will be
added to the display of more than
100 such substances already gathered.
The display, according to James A,
Gallagher Jr., president, will be used
in interesting manufacturers and capt
talists in the development of the San
Antonio territory. ,.
Even the people Of Southwest Texas,
he said, do not fully realize the posi-
bilities of the deposits among which
they live.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Now It's Balloons
for the Radio Set

Ever since whoever it was-let's
avoid any, argument on tbat-invent,
ed the balloon tire, we've had regu-
lar epidemic of balloon this and bal
loon that. Balloon pants on shieks
balloon rims on cheaters; balloon
haircuts on flappers.
Now the good old radio set is in
for it.
Out of Ohio comes the tube with
the cushion base A ring of crepe
rubber is incorporated in the base OF
the tube, by which means, it is
claimed, all so called "microphonic
noises" are eliminated.
The Van Horne company makes
them.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Black Maria Used
for Stepladder in
Hunt for Burglar

An original use for BLACK Maria >
the police patrol as an emergency
stepladder was established Friday by
Patrol Driver Eddie Anderson, who
helped Policeman Waltersdorf search
for a "burslar+ in Sommers' Drug
store at Losoya and Houston streets.
All other policemen on duty were
responding to calls when Anderson
was pressed into service with the
patrol. Backing it up to the side of
the drug store, be climbed upon its
top and then to the roof of the build
ing.
No burglar was present, but sew
eral eats inside the store are believed
to have been responsible for the
noises the patrolman on the beat
heard.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Adkins to Stage
Community Fair

Plans are now under way for the
Adkins Agricultural Community Fail
that will be held in Adkins during
October.
At the Fair Association meeting in
Adkins Wednesday night the follow
ing officials we're elected. President,
L. III. Abbott, Adkins; vice president.
p. II. Campbell, Sayers; secretary, }
L. Sanders, Sayers. The fair is being
promoted by o. b. Rollins of the
Chamber of Commerce.
Plans for fairs in Culebra and
Highland also are being made, Dir
Rollins said.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
DriuerLess Car
Means Radio
Auto to Him

These here new.fangied ideas!
Yezxir, they're plum bad.
That Is what q stranger said
when he walked into . garage
on Houston street Thursday
night TO get a "driverless car
"Where Is one Of them driver
less cars?" asked the unmistak-
ably country gentleman.
He was shown q car and i'm.
mcdiately he climbed into the
back seat and said lets so!"
After much talking he finally
was made to understand that
"driyerlcss car meant "driye II
yourself"
"Aw, shucks.- he said, II
thought il was one Of them
radio run machines I been
hearin. so much about"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Brooks AviatOrs
Named to Ferry
Airplanes to s. A

Six Brooks Field pilots have been
named to ferry airplanes from Duncan
Field to Ellington Field for use by the
Thirty-sixth Division air service OF
the Texas National guard.
They will bring back to Duncan
Field other planes that are TO be
turned in for repair or other disposal.
Pilots selected are First Lieutenant
Pardoe Martin and Second Lieuten-
ants Hugh W. Downing, Howard NJ.
Fey, Carl b. Mcdaniel, David NJ.
Schlatter and Clarence s. Thorpe.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
San Antonio'S Youngest
Composer Achieves
Early Fame.

Writing the complete score for a
musical .operetta and then hearing
her work enthusiastically received by
an audience of more than 500 people.
is the accomplishment of little IL.
year-old Florence Brown, coed at
Thomas Nelson Page Junior School,
and San Antonio's youngest CON-
poser.
Taking Longfelow's Birds of xii
lingsworth," Florence composed the
music for some of its verses, notably
the Boy and Robin" and transform
ed the poem into a musical operetta.
Her fellow students presented the
playlet as a part of their Humane
Week program in the County Fair re-
Gently given by Page School.
In addition to setting the words of
Lonsfcllow to music, Florence COM
posed the words and music Of
Springs Herald" presented with the
program.
Florence began her musical educa-
tinn nj tho oua of = ond has Studia,l
under some of the best music teachers
in the city. She is an accomplished
musician for her years and her hobby
is improvising and composing her own
music between lessons.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Guard Cavalry Unit
Will Train May 10

Officers of the Fifty-sixth Cavalry
Brigade, Texas National Guard, will
meet at Mineral Wells May 10 for
a six-day camp.
Lieutenant Colonel p. W. Cor.
buster of San Antonio, will conduct
the camp.
Master Sergeant Walter I. Sorrels.
San Antonio sergeant instructor, also
will attend.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Victim of Attack
!. Leaves Hospital

= Changing his mind about the neces-
sity for medical treatment, the victim
of an attack left the Robert &. Green
Memorial hospital early yesterday as
attendants prepared to dress a wound
on his head.
The man was accompanied by sew.
eral others in an automobile which
drove up the rear driveway to the
hospital. Police were called. but before
Officer w. H. Shipp reached the hos.
pital the party left.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
SPIDERS DRIVE
. GIRLS To MALE
A I TIRE
MiIady Turns Deaf Ear to
Paris Edict About Wear.
ing Knockers.
By 8ESs CARROLL

wont you conc into my parlor?"
said the spider to the fly.
And wont you please wear golf
knickers, ladies?" asked the selfsame
spider Of lady mixers this spring.
But evidently that spider will have
to 90 on vegetable diet, because
neither request has been granted.
Consequently Grand-daddy Long
Legs (spider variety finds himself
style dictator this spring. For as the
official insignia for hiking the golf
knicker has been voted a good fiat
tire, and its place has been usurped
by riding breeches-and boots! And
all on account of spiders.
BLAME SPIDERS.
After the picnic season of 1925 it
was predicted that mosquito bars
would be worn by stylish young wom-
en- this spring as part of their hiking
equipment. Insect powder, it seems.
had failed to rout the bold, bad
spiders, bumblcbees, gallinippers, cen
tipedes and other cannibalistic insects
that considerably. reduced the weight
Of fair mixers last summer.
Golf Knockers were blamed for this
situation, for with knickers one does
not wear boots-but only hose. And
what is little bit Of hose to hun
cry spider? just salt and pepper,
that's all !.
POO! POO. FOR PARIS.
SO, after finding that the game OF
spider and fly isn't any fun if you
are the fly, Milady turned a dea.
ear-two Of 'em-to Paris, which still
favors the golf knicker for hi ng.
and has voted riding trousers and
boots the thing for expeditions into the
balmy country air and chiggers.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Dental Reserve
Ordered to DUTY

Captain Henry A. Bartels, San An
tonic dental reserve officer, has been
ordered to active duty with the Second
Medical Regiment, Fort Sam Houston.
for fifteen days, beginning May 10.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Soldier Sees Wife,
Lands in City Jail

The second visit to his estranged
wife's home on Bucna Vista street in
as many days landed Fort Sam Hous-
ton warrant officer in the city Jail
again Friday.
This time the soldier was not al
lowed bond, as previously, and is be-
ing held for the provost marshal at the
army post. ..
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Junior College
Term Opens MAY 8

The final term of the present .scbol.
astic year of the San Antonio Junior
College will open May 3, according
to Miss jamie Baskin of the faculty
Examinations have been in progress
at the college since Wednesday.
New students desiring to attend tho
last term may enroll any time betwecn
now and the opening of the term.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Utilities Officer
Visits Fort Clark

Colonel James X. Pourie, who heads
the utilities section in the office of
the Eighth Corps Area quartermaster,
left Thursday for Fort Clark to
supervise repairs to the pumping and
power house at that station.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Hertzberg Talks
on World Court

'The World Court" was the sub
ject of an address by Harry Hertz
berg at the weekly luncheon of the
San Antonio Rotary club at the st.
Anthony hotel Friday noon.
President Raymond Edwards pre-
sided.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
s. A. Filler En- Route
to Fathers Burial

First Lieutenant W. Maxwell,
flying instructor Of Kelly Field, who
received word that his father is dead
in Hollywood, was in III Paso Friday
awaiting special permission necessary
for him to fly out of the 500-mile
area.
He took off from San Antonio
Thursday upon receipt of the death
message.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
Woman Loses Sl00
in Business Section

The loss Of 500 in currency from
a bill fold while she was on st. Mary's
street, near Travis, was reported to
detectives by Mrs. Mary Seyilla, 157
Magnolia drive.
George Blevins. s14 Culebra avenue,
told police $3.50 was stolen from his
room.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
New Trial Asked
by Richard Hall

Motion for a new trial of Richard
Hall, under life sentence for the kill.
ing of ]. W. Posey, was argued be.
fore Special Judge o. NJ. Fitzhugb
in Thirty-seventh district Court Fri
day.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
City Asked to Light
Park on South Side

Denver Heights park, said to be one
of the darkest parks in the city, will
be lighted II petition presented to
the city commission is granted. The
petition, one of the longest presented
in many months. is signed by residents
of the vicinity who claim the park is
now entirely unlighted.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1926-04-30
by THEIR FACES
YOU SHOULD
KNOW THEIR
DIE IS
Waitress Diagnoses Wants
of Customers by Their
Appearances.
" Amt people funny"

"Ain't people funny?"
A waitress in a popular downtown
cafe asked the question. She was talk
ing about the different foods people
eat.
Now you see that tall Teller over
there who looks like he might have
been exposed TO an undue amount %
sunshine? Well he hasn't ordered yeG
but when he does I'll bet my false
teeth he asks for a T-bone steak aud
French fried potatoes. II he's cow
puncher he will
what makes you think so?- the
customer asked, z
1T NEVER FAILS.
"Well, it never fails. Cowboys who
spend most of their tima herding q
tough bunch of steers invariably call
for a steak.
AS for the big butter and egg
man sitting at the end of the counter.
you might know he would order conn
try sausage and sweet potatoes. He
gets in the habit of eating sausage and
sweet potatoes on the farm and when
he comes to town he can't think OF
anything else.
And that over stuffed individual
at the table. It's no trouble to guess
that she viii eat creamed chicken
and lot of potatoes and butter, fol-
lowed by heavy dessert, unless may
be she's dieting"
SOME FINICEv.
"How about travelling q. N. What
do they cat?" asked the customer.
Travelling men are kind of fin
icky." the waitress replied. You
see they have to eat away from home
so much they get tired of the ordin-
airy run of food. They usually want
something different. Something arr
ranged in a new way.
Gotta wait on this man. she ex-
cused herself.
Ham and eggs? What'll you have
to drink?-