davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
IN KLAss AT KRAzY KOLLEGE

(Conducted By Gertrude) Teacher:
 "Mr. Ring looks bit dejected for | newly engaged man. Perhaps 1t will make him feel better to unbur- den his mind with the aid of 'aster- isk' and ashes" Welkin Ring: They bob their hair, they roll their
 hose, They hate to cook or make bed' A guy sure asterisk a lot When he asks napper-girl to wed' I wish my sweet would smoke no more And leave her complexion be as 'uS But since she is so cute, I guess I'll have to take her Just ashes! Teacher:
 Let your voice go up in elevator Gustave," Gust E. Freezes: Warm oysters he brought me. and den cold bean soup Ind der stalest rye bread in der place; Mein coffee gespilled he all over i mein vest You're von elevatori' l said in his face.''
 --J. F. Bunker.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
Observation On The Weather

Washington, March 5.-Fair and continued cold tonight, Saturday in- creasing cloudiness with rising tenn perature, moderate north and northeast winds.
 For Eastern New York Fair and continued cold tonight; Satur- day increasing cloudiness with ris- ing temperature: moderate north and northeast winds.
 Conditions: The area of high pressure now dominating the weather over the eastern half Of the country developed in intensity and extent during the past 24 hours and caused lower temperatures this morning over the Lake region, the Ohio valley. the Middle Atlantic and New England states. Zero temperatures obtain as far south as Central Michigan, western and northern New York state and northern New England and the freezing temperature line as far south as Arkansas, Georgia and South Carolina. A disturbance forming over the Rocky Mountains
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Though they hate to be sprized by me, And the way find out if there's some under there Is 10 give it q flippancy."
 Jessie Blumenthal, Copyright. 1926. Reproduction
 Forbidden)
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
FactsondFancies
 By ROBERT CULLEN

The coal strike cost many mill lions. not counting the powder used to resurface noses,
 A restaurant isn't like home, At q restaurant you cant be sure the dinner scraps are used for supper.
 According to science space doesn't increase, but you'll notice that an empty head usually swells.
 The ability to talk may convince you that man Is superior to the monkey r. you don't listen 10 the talk.
 Hatred for strangers probably has it's genesis when the child Is told 10 speak it's piece for tho nice man.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

And once in q great while soft answer also turns away q speed cop.
 The queer thing about landslides in the West is that many of the ric- tlms are republicans.
 Back in Teddy's time, the White House spokesman was q chap who showed his teeth and said Bully"
 Perhaps the silver dollar could be popularizcd by making it out of aluminium.
 To the blase, a new wife Is just another woman who will stand for kissing.
 Noah planted vines. '1'll take no chances on this pro-nood stuff" said he.
 When the meek inherit the earth. who will there be 10 make them carry out the ashes?
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
SUCCESS OF WOMEN AS BOND SALESMES

Down in New York, where dis eoverles arc being made daily by erudite reporters for the public prints. it has been found that half dozen or so of women bond salesmen attached to Wall street drms are among the best pro Aucers" on tho street.
 That is to say their leverage of sales Of bonds Is higher than the rank and file Of men in the busI- na.s. Only the top-notchers Of the msa can surpass them. and even ths- arc being hard pressed.
 Another big business success success credited 10 women. Again they paye shown that they are the equal ~t men!
 TheS women got started In the bond seiiing business during the Liberty ionn drives when they went out into the highways and byways and soH government securities 10 tho patriots who could not go to war. It was while telling the pro- spectivc buyers of the Liberties and the Victory issue that they might as well invest, because if the war was lost their money would be Of no more value than the bonds, that they took n liking to the business and remained in 1t after the war ended.
 Come 10 think Of it, however, why cant q woman be a good bond salesman. When a man bond sales man enters he can be treated like some men book agents are treated but who in his senses could treat a woman that way? The busiest business executive. approached by a trlmly dressed woman selling anything from lead pencils to bonds, would have 10 sit up and take notice. Catch a mere man not taking notice when a pretty girl stands or sits In front of him.
 It is easy to turn down a man by saying no buying Is being done; that the threatened buyer Is sold on everything he can be sold on; that he is not in the market for a thing except medicine with which 10 get rid Of a cold; or that he Is plain broke at the moment. No- body would think Of lying in that manner to a woman. Small wonder these women bond salesmcn can get by with big sales.
 Women us bond salesmen have such a huge advantage over men bond salesmen and over the weak ened resistance power of prospects that 1t is really wonder they haven't the entire field 10 them selves.
 But as yet no woman has tried to sell us bonds. The last party who called us up from New York bond house over the long distance telephone offering q block of oil stock which most certainly vas due for q rise Just as soon as we bought it was a mere man. But he didn't make the sale. We have wondered ever since whether q woman on the other end of the wire could not have improved her | opportunity.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

ins centered this morning over Colorado.
 Precipitation amounts were heavy on the central Gulf coast but light in other widely scattered districts. Pressure remains high on the North Pacific coast.
 Conditions favor for this vicinity fair weather and not much change in temperature.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
ENHANCING THE COUNCIL
 or THE LEAGUE

Sir Austen Chamberlain, British foreign secretary, had every reason 10 admit the dellcacy ot the se' casion" when he addressed the House Of Commons relative to hls attitude regarding the admission or some other nation or nations 10 the Council Of the League Of Nations In addition 10 Germany.
 Sir Austen has had a hard week Press and public in his country have belabored him not 10 forget the promises made at Locarno. The British viewpoint that is the viewpoint of virtually all the news papers, the public and parliament has been that as q definite prom. ise was given at Locarno regarding q scat for the German republic In the League Of Nations. nothing Do instisated nt this time 10 defeat the spirit of Locarno or cause reversal Of German willingness 10 join the League, The main idea be- hind the British attitude seems to be that Germany join the League and thus cooperate most effective ly with the other European nations,
 The plan 10 give Council seats 10 Poland, Spain and Brazil In addition 10 a seat for Germany developed since the Locarno conference.
 l. Is more important to have Po- land as q permanent member Of the Council than any of the other two nations mentioned, in the esti- nation Of some European observ- CTS.
 The weeks campaign In the press has had the object of forcing Cham berlain 10 emerge from his shell and press has had the object Of forcing him to come from out his shell and give the public an inkling of what was In his mind. In saying that England would not oppose unanl- mity among other members of the League Council he went only half way toward saying what he pre- ferred to do, although the other half can be guessed. He seemed 10 assume he would be an uninstruct- cd spokesman. It requires unanimi- ty for action in the Council. and if Chamberlain is not to oppose una nimity 1t means England will not oppose either Poland, Spain or Brazil becoming permanent Coun- cIl members. IL is believed all other members of the Council arc in favor of this change.
 At present tho possibility of Po- land gaining permanent member ship at the coming Council session along with Germany depends alto- gothcr upon Great Britain and how Chamberlain is instructed or Is not 1 instructed. Upon the basis of what he said yesterday, if he is allowed to represent Britain as he wants 10 do, Poland will get q permanent seat at once; if not, then this mat 1 ter will remain in abeyance. ]! Germany enters the League and 1 Council later it will depend upon how Germany feels about permit ting Poland 10 join the Council, as according to the Councils rules, one ohjccting nation can block any new permanent entry.
 So far there have been no cables ! from Berlin indicating Germany would not join the League should Poland be granted a seat at the coming session of the Council, but merely assurances that 1t Is "of- fcial}y understood" entry will take place as decided upon at the Lo- carno conferences. There should be no valid objections against per 1 mancnt seat for Poland upon the 1 Council.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Another cause of unhappy mar riagcs is the sight of a girl who caught a richer man.
 As we understand it, a dangerous reduction in the tax levy is one suggested by the minority.
 Modern girls are fine, but Sure, old thing" isn't as satisfying as "Ycs, darling, I'll marry you.' The American continent is sinking slowly, and soon all except noun tain tops can be staked out for lots. It doesn't help even 10 live inside your income, if you live previous to 1t,
 Correct this sentence: Hes ten this month" said she, "and he never bangs door or forgcts his rubbers,"
 (Protectcd by Publishers
 SyndiCate)
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
KRAZY KINDERGARTEN

Teetcher: back in your pockit and see wat you can do with acid"
 "Olver deer. put those cents Oliver Alone: "If Id lots of money mite be robbed Or even attackted and shot; Life would be fearse if I was rich, But acid is, its not"
 Alice Higgins. Fletcher:
 Ann deer. a little 'nippancy' out of you please Ann Eyefull: II love 10 find bugs underneath of a rock,
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
SCANNING THE NEWS

A fellow planned to wed girl Her father wired q ban, l. cannot be- It happens she Is half-sistcr to the man. Two poker sharps who played i
 wrong, And thus their fortunes mcndcd, Have jumped their ball. Escaping Jail, Unless they're apprehended, The Bridgeport boys q visit paid To the all-poWerful J. Hanerey. As all went well, We can foreten Some political chicaneYy. The Prohibition agents grabbed A great big load of beer, They have it yet, 'Twon't be as wet { In q town not far from here. Jack Pershing lost his teeth, Ii
 said.
 But no more he'll have 10 fight. In futurity,
 His bark will hc A lot worse than his bite. The Fifth ward voters sill insist On moving City hall. As all voters pay, lis safo 10 say,
 It won't hn moved at all.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

If the north cnders get up peti- tons for an auditorium at the Old Eurriu school site instead Of for a city hall perhaps lhcy will sec vic tory.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

A March cold spell always seems so unreasonable. If not unrcason- ali, -- esp, p,cially for those who thought they lad enough coal in the hin 10 last the remainder O: ihc Wiater.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
\ Deuce of a Note.

"A pretty girl is likL a melody, they say. By the way, John, what became of ttat pretty girl you were going with when I was here last year."
 "I married her. Now I've got to go home and lace the music" --Athos.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Tho Bridgeport C. Q. r. o'iicnt- 1y ron. ssD 8 il :s licked hy bogeine Koraback 70 modify" the ripper law. The king may do it il he gets enough concessions.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

revolutionary. will be invited 10 curtail his stay at Sokplje, and choose between residing in Bel grade or leaving the country. This decision was reached at a confer ence of officials Of the foreign Of flee and the minister of the in- terior. It follows the generals un- successful attempt of yesterday to reach the Greek frontier from Skoplje.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
All Gods Children Dot

Little daughter was fondling her mother.
 Mother, however was reading and paid no attention to the little one, who ran her hand up and down her mothers arm.
 "Mother," she asked suddenly, "why did God leave all the feathers on you?"
 Mrs. 4. Weich.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

About tho only difference between the middle and upper classes in America is that thc middle class has supper at instead Of dinner.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Msssbss Audlt Durenu nf Circulation. The A. B. Q. nA a national organization vs,oe tprpi vhss ns~spapsTs aad AdVer' hssp sttA q strictly honsT haslysit of circulation Our circulation rht''Not srs sAsed upon this audit. Int 'nsnfet protection sgs'nF fraud In neN'papei distribution figures to both national aho focal advertisorG
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Those card sharps evidently dc- cidrd they could afford to skip bond on a t5.o0O deal"
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
Tx2Ss Fua!SA!!Qb !A
 MAxSoN ExK.II LpUi
MxSoNMxKAu Ltpul

Send all communications to Fun Shop Editor, care Of the New Britain Herald, and your letter will he forwarded to New York
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

4 Curo Tor Family Jars, Folks! There's many domestic mess Would solve itself. would be our
 guess. If homes from poles to the equator Each had a good cheer percolator! Gloria: q hear that Grace's hus- band has a breakdown" Eileen; That's what she gets for carrying second hand husband"
 THE PLANTATION
 By Sunny
  Said a Turtle 10 a Frog-let. Cor the Turtle was quite tiirty!) Do you like 1t In your bog-let? Aint the water awful dirty? Come up here and try my log-let Sit upon my messy rug-let: Leave the squirmy polly-woglet And the skipping water-bug-let."
 II To that friendly, flirty Turtle Said the Frog-let, Little Mud-let, For your sake. you bet your shirtle, l will leave my slimy pud-let.' Then he gave a graceful hurtle And he landed on the log-let. Said the Turtle, Gall mo Myrtle" And he did. the gay young dog
 let!
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Woul=r Nha.s aGing 10 happen 70 T'.r-na- Siowu's boy when he chas-s tat I,.n'hrr: Or perhaps you don't read ihe bedtime sto.y.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
The Reason

Hardart: Seems 10 me our meals aye getting pretty slim., lately" Mrs. Hardart; Not so loud. dear. The cooks reducing"
 --G. F, Tousley. Most idols are usually idle after they get to be an idol!
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Prosecuting parents for neglect ing children Is not only possible but often necessary.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Contradictions 10 Sanator Mo Ioan 'o- getting T. candles on his senatorial anu.',ESary birthday cake.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

The Tcnnsylyanil coal strike over, pasSaic furnishes another. Thoy have come as regular in one place as lu the other.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

The mayoralty campaign slowly awaktS. The patient now IS rally ing.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

The Herald is on sa'e daily ip New York h Hotsling', Newsstand. Times Square; schultz's Hewsstands. Entrance Grand Central. t:nd street.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

The saiy profitable advertising medium 10 the City. Circulation books and prsas room aiwsys open to advertiserA
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
n.uns, s, ,hs A,,oejnted Press.

MsmheT st the AssocInted Fress. sas Associated Press W exclusively en. titled N the sss for republication Of sA ssvs credited 10 h or not otherwise sesAitsd in this paper and also local asvs published herein.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

Entered d the Pest ories st ksw Britain e second C1ass Nah Matter.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

READ HERALD CLASSIFIED ADS
 FOR RESULTS
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

PLASTIRAS NOT WANTED
 Belgrade, Jugoslavia, March 5 R) - General Plastiras, the Greek
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

sunsmIprfos RATES gs.tt . Year.
 ss.ss Thfss hontha
 iio. . Month.
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05
New Britain Herald
GmAI.p vuBiImiso COMPANY

tssss1 Daily tsunday nxcsptsdI Al Hsrslt HiAs- sf Church Street
New Britain herald., 1926-03-05

And once in great while soft answer also turns away speed cop.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-01-21
HELD FOR Theft
OF MACHINES

The mysterious disappearance Of
typewriter and an adding ma
chine from the Franklin school
within the past few days. and an
expensive microscope from George
Washington University was cleared
up today with the arrest Of Henry
j. Kaufman, 81 years old. OF
Thrifton, Va, the police claim.
Kaufman was taken into custody
by the Baltimore police yesterday
when he attempted to, pawn the
adding machine which, 1t - said.
he had taken earlier In the day
from the Franklin School. He was
brought back to Washington by
Headquarters Detectives Keck and
Thompson.
According TO the police, he ad-
mits the thefts. He said he was
standing In front OF the Franklin
School last Monday when the doors
were opened by the janitor. When
the janitor went into the basement.
Kaufman told the police, he walked
in and took the typewriter which
he pawned In Baltimore. The same
day he visited George washington
University and walked out with q
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-01-21

solution Of bicarbOnate u soda
leavinr the stomach sweet and free
frg,rsa Ill gases. Besides, II neu.
traIizes acid lamentations Iii the
bowels and gently urges this sour.
ing waste from the system without
ptirSing. IL Il Ear more pleasant
To take than soda.
TRY A 25c BOTTLE
Insist upon phillips. & Twenty
five cent and fifty cent bottles. any
drug store.
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-01-21

good chance to pick up quite q few
minutes.
It seemed strange to me. riding
in my own car and someone else
driving. Ordinarily would have
felt uneasy, and would have in
sisted on changing seats. But now.
didn't want to change seats. II
seemed an though the wheel would
be hard TO hold-as hard as It was
to keep my eyes open. ! was
drowsy and weak-and worse.
When ! glanced down at the dash
saw two lights there and / had
some difficulty focusing them into
one.
1t was the excitement, ! thought
I'D be all right in a minute or
two. / was taking cOld-I'd been
living a pretty soft life the last
three years. Ny feet were sopping
wet and my legs UP to my knees
were better than damp.
Blood Filled Shoe
My left foot was particularly wet
lit .'squinched'' in my shoe when
wiggied my toes. I'd probably
stepped in puddle with that foot.
/ felt a dull sort of ache there.
and the flesh seemed to be hooked
to my shoe just at the top OF the
arch. That's where the pain was
and reached down and pulled out
a section of glass about The size
of a calling card and one edge
as sharp as razor.
At first / couldn't believe that
the smooth-outlined puddle on the
rubber mat under my foot was
blood But ] felt relieved to know
l was losing blood. not nerve.
/ reduced the flow to a negligible
quantity by stuffing my handkeT-
chief over the cut place, and lacing
my shoe up tight over it.
When we delivered the police
man at the statiOn-we had to
carry him in
/ took his place on the rear. seat.
Lying flat on my back, with my
foot propped up against the side.
curtains ought to give the pune.
tured artery a chance to perform
some hasty repairs on itself. /
thought.
There were several good reasons
why / didn't want to stay at the
station and have the cut dressed.
My health was in too delicate
condition to undergo much in the
way of cross-examination about my
doings along the boulevard; and
wanted to be with Cunningham when
he arrived at the garage, so as to
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-01-21

stree. well be just the same as
home. There won't be anything Tor
us to do at all There's too many
corners he can turn beyond FL.
tenth and III for the dicks to 90
much. But il they pick him up this
side and you pick him UP, too
wen. youth know you've got = sore
There's the District line, isn't
it?''
.vThat's hereand all serene. :
"The next two miles and hall
will tell the story.
"Tl pull up here, Lem. and YOU
take the wheel I'm getting cock
ssure. Take 4 flop on the back
seat and pull some Of them robes
over yourself You must be trylilg
to get a cold I
"Oh. it's warm enough In hsra
the way we've been running. III
stick on the front seat a while. I'm
all right, only q little dizzy.
Well, here's Fifteenth and II,
and nothing stirring. Boy, you're
lust the same as home in bed.
Nothing left now but collect tiEe
money. Then wen 90 round 70
my hangOut and get cleaned up.
You can't 70 round to no hoe
pitai the way you are.
There's a light ahead.
Nothing like precaution--1W run
past and see who 1t is. I'd like 70
come in with Cunningham looks
more like we're earning our money.
There was slight grating noise
as the tenders of the two vehiclas
came into contact.
We'll, the darn skunk il running
away" Lem grinned slowly coming
to stop. and can't make up my
mind whether to go on to the hos
pital with my injured passenger, or
chase this low down scoundrel and
get his license number.
But the more think about his
acting thataway, the madden
get" (Starting up again.l TN go
after that man and I'll get him, II
I have to chase him clear down to
the rough section OF southwest. No
ones going to do me thataway and
get by with it. You noticed where
the collision happened, didn't YOU
Between Second and Third on
Maryland avenue northeast"
All set. But while we've been
talking. the mans got away.
ITO Be Continued Tomorrow
The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1926-01-21

pretty well.
Wells anyone, reckon. I was
born on the Spellrnan place. That's
how T. come to get this job. Mr.
BrennOn wanted someone thai
knew all the roads around here
I've been working and hunting
and moonshining over this whole
district all my life. know most
everyone around here, too. and
which one to look out for They
amt all agin prohibition out here. :
Story For Eileen.
DO you know when the Allen
place was burned DOWN"
Sure. was only q kid then,
but remember 1t same as yester'
Here's story I can tell
Eileen" / thought. 1T will In.
terest her when she begins to get
better. she always spoke 50 much
about that place.
People don't talk about It very
much around here. It burned down
Christmaa Eve
THAT wouldn't be very cheer
ing story to tell Eileen" thought.
That's enough. Lem. I'm not sur.
prised that people don't like to
talk about 1t. So that was a gravel
bed I drove over was lit saw
a : high bank there on the i61t
hand side. and I took 1t for cut
in the road"
Yes. there's right smart IT a
bank there now They use little
of 1t for road mending cnce in q
while. hut n1oxt ~ 1t was taken
when the boulevard was concretsd.
Colonel SpeIlnaan gaze EN- right
of way through where the orchard
Ii now, to haul on, put he g.,- sore
at 'eIn for something and shut EN-
off.
He was pretty hot tempered
and fit with a lot of people.
That's why Mrs. Allen came
over to our house instead OF
SpeIlman's the night"
''I'll take your word Tor IL. Lem. "
well, when he shut em of
they smoothed a road down the
hill and knocked the bridge
together over the run at Allen 9
corner. The engineer said the old
man done EN- a favor when he
shut EN- off-~they saved nearly
half a mile that way. They
couldn't have made it if the haul
DCEl u0Wu OoHA@7
ward goes around the hin and the
road they made ran straight over
it,"
That's how was able to over.
taken Cunningham. then. He had
to go half q mile further than !
did. Pull up to the side Of the
road. Lem. I'll take the wheel
now. l feel better since laying
down"
well, It's your car and you're
boss. It's up to you"
I'm just drive few minutes,
and if / get shaky I'll give you
the wheel again. We can't be fac
from home now, anyhow"
We're within a mile Of the
District line, I'd say. You know
how Cunningham was going?"
"Bladensburg Road, Maryland
Avenue, Capitol Grounds, Delaware
Avenue"
That's 1t: II we don't pick him
up between here and Fifteenth