Evening star., 1925-11-22


ments of this fair city will disclose
among them u condition which an
inexperienced dagnoStician might
readily say was the result of
sweeping epidemic of the hoof and
mouth disease, the Rocky Mountain
spotted fever, st. Vitus' dance or a
malady sometimes associated with the
poultry industry and commonly
termed the pip.
The symptoms, plainly visible to
the eyes of even the most casual of
observers. manifest themselves in a
wild, distracted and harassed look
about the pupil and the iris: a throaty
hoarseneSS and deep, cultural eXcla-
nations i'll the course of ordinary con
Nersation: tendency to jump wildly
when spoken to, nostalgia, insomnia
and d generally depressed outlook on
life, sometimes referred to in patent
medicine advertisements as that
tired, pulled down feeling"
Big Doses of Sympathy.
One with a sufficiently developed
curiosity and time at his disposal
will see a careful and impartial search
rewarded in the end by the discovery
that the sufferers from this strange
aft1lction are in no wise interested in
seeking the services of physician,
a chiropractor, an oSteopath or
specialist deft in the manipulation of
the violet ray. What they do need
is sympathy administered in doses
which would choke the ordinary hui
man being, but which may be repeat
cd with impunity and in quantities
sufficiently large to suit the individual
taste of the doSerS. These men now
looking out on life through sadly
jaundced eyes are soon to face con-
sressional committees and subcom-
mitteeS
Within the space of a month they
will De summoned to the Capitol and
closeted by the hour with subcommit-
tees assigned TO finding out why any
body asked the Budget Bureau for
appropriations. From past expert
ence, they regard the coming ordeal
much as the martyrs OF old looked
upon the interior of the torture
chamber. Compared to the harrow
Ing experiences which await them,
however. the most tieudish cuntriv-
anCeS of the Spanish inquiSition would
produce upon them sensation no
more uncomfortable than that effect
ed by the application of Il feather in
slight up-and-down motion upon the
upper lip.
Tie Them to Tree.
1t would be an interesting research
upon which some active psychologist
might embark with profit. in under
taking to Gi,'.."ver lust what motive
il is which enGCndcrS in the minds
of many congressman the attitude
they hold toward u quavering rep
reSentatiVe Of the GpVernment Serv-
ice who is ordered before them to
expand upon his recommended APP
preparations. Many students of the
situation hold that ii is anala gouS to
the mental bent which leads small
1<,. -, -, L.,
apply to his face such condiments as
mud. plaster. cement. green paint.
CuStard or iodine.
Other students. who have devoted
years TO the problem, declare that
some Representatives. and perhaps
Senators, have never had a chance TO
give expressive vent to their inner
most feelings since the last election
At home. these students contend. the
member Of Congress must ever be
upon the alert to guard against any
manifestation which could he inter
preted as indicating a nasty enough
disposition to curdle fresh milk But
in Washington ,and cIoseted with
Government clerk behind closed
doors. the order of the day is tongue
lashing, bullyragGinS and sneering
lnuendoeS concerning the motive of
said clerk or Government official.
Staying of Representative Wamp.
This condition. happily. is not gen
eral. Many of those in Congress- in
fact the vast ma jority of them. are
gentlemen who hesitate to browbe:lt
an inpotent witness called before
them in the course of his service to
the Government. On the other hand.
this writer has secured at great per
Sonal peril and physical exhaustion
an hitherto unpublished stenographic
report of the hearings which led up
to the celebrated murder of Repre-
sentative Wamp, Representative Toot,
Representative Blurb, and the Sensa-
tional escape, with the clerk of Mr.. A.
B. Doocederper, a Government official,
all of which happened in the year of
the Great Cloudburst, and will be
easily recognizable to our elder read
erS.
The stenographic record follows in
part:
HEARING BEFORE THE SUB.
COMMITTEE OF THE HOUSE COM
MITTEE ON ODDS AND ENDS.
CONSISTING or MESSRS. DORE-
MUS WAMP tCHAIRMAN). LONG
TOOT AND ARTENIUS BLURB.
STATEMENT OF MIR. A. b. DOO-
CEDEEPER HEREINAFTER RE
FERRED TO JOKINGLY AS THE
WITNESSl AND OTHERS.
General Statement
Mr.. Namp--On behalf of the COM
mittee, Mr.. Doocederper, l take pleas
ure in informing you that ii is our
desire that you proceed with the item
on brooms, which l find listed here.
The Witness-Now those brooms,
Mr.. Chairman
Mr.. Blurb-What brooms?
The NitneSs-1 was just coming TO
that, sir. Those brooms-
Mr.. Toot-Why do you persist in re-
ferring to the brooms as those
brooms" when my colleague here has
lust asked YOU, in the Simplest Ian
suage, understandable by the merest
child, what brooms you are refer
ring to?
Reasonable Request.
The Witness-That was what l was
trying to explain, gentlemen. Those
broomS--
Mr.. Burb-Mr. Chairman. may I
request that the witness keep to his
testimony in answering, with some
show of respect, at least, the ques-
tions put by the committee?
Mr.. Wamp--A reasonable request.
to be sure. Let me caution YOU. Mr.
Doocederper, that you must endeavor,
TO the best of your ability. to remem-
her that you are now before a com
mittee of congressman and we have
no time to waste on your pickering.
VIII you kindly proceed?
The WitneSS-My division. gentle
men, has some halls that must be
swept. They are swept by charwom-
en-, and in the Course
Mr. Blurb-You say they are swept
by charwomen?
The Witness-Yes, sir.