The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-06-06
Here's S How to
Run Police
Force
FIivver Driving Reporter
Gives Chief Benefit of
Wise Counsel.
BY John l.. Niblack
(Who Drives a Flivver)

EVH HILE a bank was being held
IWl up the other day numerous
citizens downtown were cuss-
ing their luck because when they
got back to their autos they found
little pink tags which will cost them
81 per; that Is, unless they know
somebody who knows somebody
down at the police station.
Now the chief of police is always
hollering because he doesn't have
enough police to arrest all the bank
bandits, bootleggers and overtime
parkers. Apparently they are all
the classes Of law violators there
are nowadays. AS for bigamy and
other high crimes and misdemea-
nors, they are left to themselves,
guess. Anyhow, a bigamist is
punished by having two mothers
iE-law, which ought to hold any
man-glutton for punishment
though he be.
I'm tie papers some time ago
| were accounts or the strong
men on ire Indianapolis
traffic squad. They have a guy
who can pull street car with his
teeth. and he can juggle a couple of
fire engines and a flivver with his
feet while lying on his back read
ing a newspaper. There are other
strong and powerful men on the
traffic squad. too. 1t takes husky
person to blow a whistle all day.
eight hours at a stretch, half an
hour on duty and half an hour off.
Then, too, there is an awful amount
of exertion required to subdue
flivver drivers who drive half foot
over the white line, or to club
down some old woman who holds UP
traffic because the motor of her car
stalls while she discusses the flap
pers' clothes with seat mate.
Still, all this is nothing to the
physique necessary for policeman
to go around hunting for cars which
nave been parked in one spot longer
than the law allows. A chest ex-
pansion of at least five inches Is
necessary to mark the tires with the
little pink chalk. and then come
back later and tie a pink tag on
the steering wheel.
ri HEY say the physical ex-
| animation required to get on
- the police force Is stiff one.
The applicant has to be at least
five feet ten inches tall, and have
good teeth. That is so he can chew
tobacco, because Chief Rikhoff won't
let cops smoke on duty. They have
to be big, go they can defend them
selves from bandits, because even
roliceman's uniform isn't any pro-
lection any more in this day and age,
even if they let their guns show,
which is always done while marking
tires of overtime parkers.
hTl OW OF course an ordinary
I'M citizen doesn't have any more
- idea how to run the police
force than the city has money to
pay extra policemen, but here are
a few suggestions culled from
varied experience with plows and
typewriters.
Mayor Shank and the chief could
take three-fourths of the husky lads
now tending switch at the street
corners or swinging a heavy chalk
pencil on tires, and put them to
hunting bandits and bootleggers
although If they caught all the
latter and their customers there
wouldn't be enough jails in Indiana
for the Marion County product
alone) and then he could can the re,
naming fourth Of the traffic squad.
With Ibis money thus saved, he
could advertise for a lot Of one
armed or one'eyed men, or even
without any legs, and put them to
pink-penciling the overtime cars.
All they would need would be one
good arm and one good eye and
dollar watch, and they no doubt
would be glad and proud to wear
cops suit and swing cannon on
both hips and work at half or third
price.
Why, the chief could even get
some husky men in wheel chairs
who can blow whistles and wave
their arms and mark tires. Or he
could hire some good strong boys
at 81 a day and they could fill the
city courts every day.
When this plansis adopted. and the
bank bandits are all caught. I am
going to put In for the various re-
wards offered. because it will be my
idea that done It.