davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-09-30
HARDWARE PICKS UP.
Better Business Reported at Close
OF September.

Of September.
Special Dispatch to The Star.
NEW YORK, September 30
Hardware Age will say tomorrow:
"September was a very sa satisfactory
sales month for most hardware Job.
bers. In the past 10 days retailers
generally have found a definite i'm
provement in their business. This
has been steady but not very heavy.
City dealers report the greatest com.
parative improvement, which is to be
expected as their experiences the
early part OF September were not very
encouraging.
Rural dealers continue to find an
active market due largely 10 the very
satisfactory agricultural conditions.
Wholesalers are selling Fall and
holiday merchandise in fairly good
qua ntities."
Evening star., 1925-09-30
Keeping Buses o.,
Schedule Time

TN the operation Of our ~ buses. wa
i appreciate the fine service and mileage
given by Firestons Tires, and the co-opera-
tion we have received from your company
In helping to keep these buses running on
scheduls time.
WASHINGTON RAILWAY
a ELECTRIC COMPANY
Washington. D. c.
Evening star., 1925-09-30
Firestone Cooperation Aids
Bus Service DeVel0bment

FOLLOWING the consolidation of this companya
L extensive motor bus system in sontheastsrn
Pennsylvania, felt the most important step WAS
the solution Of the tire problem. 1t seemed good
Judgment to pla-s our whole tire problem in the
hands Of ssns Company equipped by experience to
werk cat for practical msthods for handling what
We esnsidsz 70 be one Of the most important ana
Ailacut phases Of suecssaul bus operation.
After complete consideration decided to utilizs
A. result = decided improvement in regularity Of
ssrvics has occurred.
The genuine satisfaction hsvs in the way
u1s problem 10 working out under your direction,
satss It plsasurs to give your Company this credit
Charles d. Cooke, Jr., Prssidsnt
WEST CHESTER STREET
RAILWAY COMPANY
West ChsstsI, Penn
Evening star., 1925-08-09

and drives as fast as possible up and
down the street in the hopes that inno-
cent bystanders will notice them and
exclaim that must be Ralph de Palma
working out
IL. All people that celebrates the 4th
of July with fireworks.
II. All people that still thinks nah
Jongg is game.
In gathering data for the above list
one Of the persons l consulted with
was Mr.. Marc Connolly who knows in
sanity from A to u and he give me
some information in regards to certain
forms of which l was in total igno-
rants which l will pass them on to
my readers in the case they may not
of heard of them no more than me.
The first. of these is depomania
which is the opposite of kleptomania
which as everybody knows is the
mania for taking what don't belong
to you a specially in dept. stores. In
depomania the patient has mania for
putting things back where he thinks
they come from whether they was
was stolen or bought outright.
Like for inst he will go into your
home and if he sees book that was
published by Scribner's he will manage
to sneak it out of the house with him,
take it to his own home and wrap it
up and send it back to Scribner's. Or
if he sees that you have Colt re-
volver laying on the table he will see
that the Colt people gets it back even
if he has to fire it to them.
They was a famous depomaniac in
n. Y. city a while ago who l won't
mention his name on acct. of his kid
dies but he was returning things by
the wholesale and yet nobody could
Evening star., 1925-08-09
Discovery of Diseases Gives Variety
To Forms of Insanity Which Are Rampant

eaten him at ii till finely he took
piano from friends home and the
police catched him trying TO box ii IN
ana send 1t back 10 the factory. He
IS now serving a sentence of from >
10 yrs. in a piano box.
Another form is colormania. A New
Yorker had that and all his friends
knoWed II and when they invited him
10 dlne they always was careful To
not serve nothing brown which was
ms nemesis color. But one night A
TREND who had a new cook asked this
blrd TO stay to dinner and forgot to
warn Helga as the cook was rightly
named. Everything went all right till
pretty near the finish OF the dinner Is
the various viands was clear soup.
crab meat. white meat Of chicken and
cucumber salad. But when the des
sert come what was it but pumpkin
pie and our friend had to be took TO
Bellevue.
Last but not lease is a ailment
called trainstare the victim Of which
can't help from looking out the win
dow all the time he is on the train.
The conductor has terrible time get
ting his ticket out of his pocket but
1t is most inConvenient when he sets
in card game on board of a train.
Recently doctors has discovered what
they think is a effectual cure for
tralnstare. namely strap the patient
in upper berth OF a car bound from
Bangor to Tia Juana and keen him
there till he becomes disheartened.
Evening star., 1925-08-09
THE FACE WAS THAT OF A YOUNG MAN A VERY BEAUTIFUL
FACE. But ONE OF INFINITE SADNESS"

inches to two and a quarter, and
finally to two and half.
Il have in my possession one of
his laundry lists Of that period. A
glance at it Will show the scrupulous
care which he bestowed upon his per-
SON Well do | remember the dawn
ing hopes of those days, alternating
with the gloomiest despair. Each
Saturday / opened his bundle with a
trembling eagerness to catch the first
signs of return of his love
Il helped my friend in every way
that ] could His shirts and collars
were masterpieces of my art, though
my hand often shook with agitation
as I applied the starch.
"She was a brave, noble girl
that | knew. Her influence was ele-
waiting the whole nature Of Fifty-siX
Until now he had had in his posses
sion a certain number of detached
cuffs and false shirt fronts. These he
discarded now-at first the false shirt
fronts-scorning the very idea OF
fraud, and after a time. in his enthusi-
asm. abandoning even the cuffs.
cannot look back upon those bright,
happy days of courtship without a
sigh
THE happiness of Fifty-six seemed
to enter into and fill my whole life
! lived but from Saturday TO Satur-
day. The appearance of false shirt
fronts would cast me to the lowest
depths of despair: their absence
raised me to a pinnacle OF hope II
was not until Winter softened into
Spring that Fifty-six nerved himself
to learn his fate.
"One Saturday he sent me a new
white waiStcoat. garment which had
hitherto been Stunned by his modest
nature, to prepare for his use. l be
slowed upon it all the resources of
my art: l read his purpose in it.
On the Saturday following il was re-
turned to me and, with tears of JOY, I
marked where a warm little hand had
rested fondly on the right shoulder
and knew that Fffty-siX was the ac-
cepted lover of his sweetheart.
Il will not dwell upon the happy
days that ensued-days of gaudy Sum
mer neckties and white waistcoats. of
spotless shirts and lofty collars worn
but single day by the fastidious
lover. Our happiness seemed com
plete and l asked no more from fate.
Alas, ii was not destined to continue!
Evening star., 1925-08-09
Concerning Sponges.

SPONGES are the beehives of the
sea- This curious discovery has
been reported to the, United States
Bureau of Fisheries by DR.. Charles
]. Fish of the scientific staff of the
New York Geological Society's steam
er Arcturus, cruising in tropical
waters. The bees which DR.. Fish
found inhabiting the canals of sponges
were whole colonies of the tiny snap
ping shrimp Alpheus. These gre
gariouS shrimps, he discovered, swim
freely about, but always return to the
individual sponge which is their hive
like home. Numerous other forms
were also found to use these subway
passages as a haven of refuge at the
approach of danger. One sponge hive
with its homing -shrimps was secured
and placed in an aquarium aboard
ship, where the colony continued to
flourish. This discovery makes known
another of natures queer partner
ships; for the sponge which the
shrimps use as a home is itself
marine animal, although 1t spends its
adult life fixed to the rocks in one
place. like a plant, and IT, canals
which shelter the shrimps are the
many mouths through which the
sponge gets its food.
Evening star., 1925-08-09
BY RING LARDNER

|O the Editor: Once in a while
some lawyer or alienist in a
murder trial gets up a new
name for the form of insanity
which the defendant is sup
posed to be blest with. like whatever
il was that Mr.. DelmaS said Harry
had and 20 years later, the special
brand to which the doctors give
title in the case of Nathan and Dickie
out in old Chi. The names generally
always seem to fit and further and
more are very catchy sounding so
that for months and months after
wards the boys that write the columns
and draw the comical strips on news
papers uses them over and over with
a fair chance of them being a WOW.
This is all fair and bright as far as
II goes, but the said lawyers and doc
tors should ought to be forced to
christen a whole lot more varieties of
nuttiness which is all different than
each other but which is still running
around anonymous TO the confusion
of the populi peoplel. l would per
sonally undertake this wholesale
christening only for my lack of knowl-
edge of the Latin language in gen,
and medical turns in particular, so
will content myself with merely
giving a brief description of the vari-
Gus forms and asking whatever alien
lists and attorneys they may be
amongst my readers to suggest official
names for them.
1. All people and relatives of people
who say or think that Dempsey is
police dog.
2. All people and relatives of people
who take their cars out on popular
public highways on hot Sunday after
Moons for the purpose of getting cool.
Some of these people plead that Sun
day Is the only day they can get off,
but it Is this writer's theory that they
must be off all the week.
3, All people and relatives of people
who say or thing that Dempsey is
afraid of Harry Wills.
4. All radio owners and their fam
lilies who turn on their machines at
IL am. and keep them running till 2
the next am. for the fear they will
miss something.
5. All race goers who take field
glasses to the track and looking
through them at the horses half mile
away thinks they can tell who is in
second, third, fifth or any other
position.
6. All people that pays S11.OO for
seat on the opening night of revue
when they know they can go week
later at one-half the price and see
twice as good show.
7. All motorists who uses their muf-
fer cut out just to make a noise.
s. All people who constantly takes
their brassey to get out of buckle
Evening star., 1925-08-09

terest through his university career
During the four years which it lasted
/ washed for him every week; my
regular connection with him and the
insight which my observances gave
me into the lovable character of the
man deepened my first esteem into
a profound affection and | became
most anxious for his success.
81 helped him at each succeeding
examination, as far as lay in my
power by starching his shirts half
way to the elbow, so as to leave him
as much room as possible for anno-
tations. My anxiety during the strain
OF his final examination | will not
attempt TO describe.
THAT Fifty-Six was undergoing the
great crisis of his academic career
could infer from the state of his
handkerchiefs which, in apparent un-
consciousness. he used as penwipers
during the final test.
1T was with thrill of joy that l
at last received in his laundry bundle
one Saturday early in June a ruffled
dress shirt, the bosom of which was
thickly spattered with the spillings of
the punch bowl and realized that
F'ifty-SiX had banqueted as Bachelor
of Arts.
"In the following Winter the habit
of wiping his pen upon his handker-
chief. which I had remarked during
his final examination, became chronic
with him. and l knew that he had
entered upon the study of law. He
worked hard during that year. and
dress shirts almost dissa ppeared from
his weekly bundle.
x
"TT was in the following Winter,
l. the second year of his legal
studies, that the tragedy of his life
began. l became aware that a change
had come over his laundry, for from
one. or at most two a week his dress
shirts rose TO four, and silk handker-
chiefs began 10 replace his linen ones.
II dawned upon me that FiftySiX
was abandoning the rigorous tenor of
his student life and was going into
society.
II presently perceived something
more; Fifty-SiX was in love. 1t was
soon impossible to doubt it. He was
wearing seven shirts a week; linen
handkerchiefs disappeared from his
laundry: his collars rose from two
Evening star., 1925-08-09
Modern Crime With Its Permanent Wave,
Stirs Original Ideas on Way to Stop It

way the youngsters are living these
days. If the big towns in the United
States weren't so cuckoo about max.
ing showing in the census, they
wouldn't be nearly the amount of
CRIME there is today. but with every
yokel IN the Nation heading for New
York, Chicago and the other big bures
what chance is the coppers got to
Keeping line on the dips? Besides.
the crowding makes it harder and
harder for a guy to make a living.
Some of 'em go in for second story
work and some go home on the
c. & A
&C. & A.?" I puzzles.
"Carbolic acid" returns High
Dome" briefly. They amt hardly a
DAY when you don't read in the New
York papers where some lad or frill's
bumped himself or herself hence on
account OF having made grand flop
OF Crashing the big town. But it's the
speed of the youngsters that's the
worst thing in the situation today"
"HoW?" I asks.
1 was forty years DID, returns Fin
negan. before l knew half as much
OF life as the average chick of sixteen
knows today. BY the time a city gals
eighteen in this jazz age she's been
through every experience and sensa-
llon that In the cards, and what the
hell else is left but dope, crime and
the grand swing down the chutes. The
same goes for the boys. BY the time
they re twenty-five or so they're all
burned out and ready for the ash heap.
That's why you hear of SO many
shootings and self-starting rides across
the Styx these days. All night dane
ing and bum hooch inhaling tust
leaves person a bunch of jumpy
nerves and the first bad break they
get rings down the curtain on them"
CHOW you going to stop all this?''
/ inquiries.
Il amt going to- returns High
Dome" but 1 wouldn't be surprised
if it stopped itself pretty soon. I got
a idea that parents is gonna get back
to the idea that they is kinda re-
sponsible for their kids
Like heck they aren' I sniffs. "You
gotto remember that the parents of
tomorrow are going to be the folks
that were the jazz babies yesterday"
That's just why / got hopes" re-
turns Finnegan. "A couple that's been
through the gin and jazz hurrah is
more likely to know how rotten it is
for their children than oldsters who
don't know anything about it. I never
seen heavy drinker yet that tried to
Evening star., 1925-08-09

And | says now darling, that is eX
aCtly what you amt TO ask her when
she gets here. And Junior says then
what's she coming for? And / says
heavens only knows, TO see Daddy, /
suppose. And Jr. says that's funny.
And | says you don't know the half
of it dear. but / want you TO be NAM
mas good little boy and wash your
ears every day, and don't forget your
manners, and YOU amt to answer me
back, no matter what | say, all the
time she's here. And l want you
should be quiet in the house and not
whistle through your teeth or throw
your toys downstairs, on account she
is a old lady, see, and she will wanner
be quiet. And above all don't you use
no slang, l want you should speak
correct and refined. like I've learned
you.
And Jr says aw. can't l have no
fun while she's here? And l says no,
certainly not, we amt none of us
conner have any,
WELL, after that l explained to our
w dog where he wasn't to do any
barking While Mother Jules was with
us. and how, if he had any fleas, he
was to keep them to hisself. And
then / caught the cat and told it TO cut
out that nightlife stuff as long as
mother stayed, l didn't want Mrs.
Jules to think i'll of any member of
our household. And by this time |
had myself all worked up to a pome
where | felt real sentimental about
the old lady, and could just picture
how sweet and devoted l was conner
be TO her
And then who would call me up on
the phone only that Mabel Bush, and
she says hello dear, what's new?
And I says oh Mabel. whatter you
know. Georges mother is coming for
a visit. And Mabel says no. You
poor thing, will she stay long? And
1 says l dunno, I'm afraid so, of
course we are perfectly delighted to
have her, but it would of been a little
more convenient if she could of put
it off to a year from some Nmas.
And Mabel says you poor darling. 1
know how it is, Joe's mother is the
dearest woman in the world, and /
Just love writing her long letters-the
longer it takes them Q reach her, the
better, whatter you Soing to do to
entertain her, dear?
And / says why I don't know,
maybe she plays a good game of Old
Maid from the way Geo. has described
her. l expect she'd enjoy a little ride
down to the cemetery, | don't mean
to stay, I mean to look at the other
peoples tombstones.
And Mabel says we'll, Joes mother
don't care for a thing but changing
my furniture around. I suppose you
will get your house all upset? And
I says by no means dear, l am not
going to make company of her. not
one particle. she has got to take US
just as we are in every way, / can't
be bothered to put myself out. And
Mabel says that's right, dear. be your
self, and she'll feel more at home
as soon as she gets back there. And
l says yeh, 1 am hoping so.
And Mabel says well dear, if there
Evening star., 1925-08-09

is anything | can do to help you, just
lemme know If you can catch me. l
got new tableCOVer you can borrow,
and | also got some arsenic and rat
| poison if you need it, and some
crutcheS. And | hear Doctor Salary
! has a nice new ambulance in case she
likes motoring. | suppose she is kinda
old and feeble? And l says yes. from
, the way Geo. tells about how she
stands for all the old ideas and sits on
all the new ones, / guess she must
be hundred at least.
And Mabel says. well, if / can lend
you a little scrubbing soap or my best
silver or something to make your
house a little brighter, why try and
| get them, dear. be sure, now, And
l says thanks, dear, | will. And then
we hung up.
x x
WELL. of course my house was per
w fectly good like it had been for
the past few yrs. But still and all,
when I thought of that drear old lady
coming to visit us, | felt well, | don't
want to give her nothing to pick on,
50 we done q thorough house cleaning,
bought a few new pieces of furniture,
painted the bathroom floor and rear
ranged the spare room.
On account of the way in which
Geo. had often told me in the old
days when he was a boy his mother
always made her own clothes, and
how she went around with bare
face even in Winter, and read the
riot act If his pa got ashes on the
carpet, and etc. why | fixed up her
room, see, in a way | thought would
make her perfectly comfortable. |
got a old black walnut bed out the
StorahoiISe for bar n Law her snowy
head on while laying plans to inter-
fere in my household, and took three
red plush chairs, a horse hair rocker
and q marble top table off the second
hand furniture store down to our cor
ner. They give the room a real re-
spectacle look, especially when I EN-
broidered a motto and hung it over
the bed. The motto says Rest In
Peace, Soon"
OF course I wouldn't go to no
extra trouble for old Mrs. Jules, but
wanted her to have room she
would like to stay in and keep out
of the rest of the house.
Then I fixed up a nice arm chair
for her to sew in and sit to read
her Bible through her steel trimmed
specs by the roseate fading light
of day that was symbolic OF her
life. Hot Bozo, if you get me,
Well. If Geo.'s Ma was ore of
them terribly good women like he
said, naturally I didn't dare to be
we'll dressed when she arrived. Not
that I cared a hoot what she thought
one way or another but / wasn't
conner have her tell my husband
why did he marry this chorus per
son? Or any remarks of that effect.
Often it is better to foreStall than to
STALL and so l dug out the long black
4 + Jl,,
body was to die and / would hat to
go to the funeral.
Nobody l knew hadn't died in
pretty near five yrs. now, so the most
Evening star., 1925-08-09

particular mother-in-la law couldn't
claim that garment had anything fast
about il except the color. When Mrs.
Jules. Sr. seen me in that get-up,
felt sure she would undoubtedly at
once realize her boy had picked a
girl she had no cause to be jealous
of.
Well anyways, / put this u mourn
ing on the day she was expected.
Then I caught Junior and washed
him up. wishing he had few curls
and a lace collar. But it was too
late in the game for that now, had
der content myself with getting his
neck less rough and pinning a daisy
in his button hole. And then we all
set ourselves down TO be caught un-
awares at our innocent. ordinary
occupations. see, Junior learning his
text for Sunday. Geo. reading his
daily dozen lines from Shakespeare,
and me wording on a sock to sock
the heather with in foreign lands.
x
WE didn't know just exactly what
train the old lady was coming on,
and so we hadda keep them natural
poses up for pretty near two hours
before taxi stopped in front of our
house. And then IL wasn't the right
taxi. on account a little girl got out
AT least, that was what / thought
first off. from the length Of the skirt
and the bobbed hair. as she was car
rying her snappy little hat in her
hand. But it wasn't any little girl,
unless person was to count second
childhood. 1t was Mrs. Jules. sr., as
she explained while running gaily up
the steps to greet us.
hal 10 lot
black overnight, and her dress had
recently been shingle bobbed
She had brought us bunch of new
dance records instead Of some sticky
preserves, like I had feared.
She said darn it." right in front
of Junior, which Is as close as she
ever come to using Georges sewing
basket, and the first thing she want
ed when | got her upstairs into what
she called such a quaint. funny little
room, old dear was to know where
was the nearest beauty parlor. she
wanted a facial, and did have lip
stick l could loan her, she had lost
hers on the train.
weakly downstairs, there was Geo
waiting for me in the hall, all excited
but not in the least bit surprised Say
Jennie, amt Ma a knockout he saws,
didn't | tell you you'd like her? So
perfectly natural and a real pal to a
feller. he says, just like I've always
said
For a moment l couldn't hardly
speak. And then 1 says we'll George
Jules, guess the old fashioned apron
ed mother don't exist any more except
on calendar illustrations. guess
they went out with a lot of other obso-
lete lnconVeniences. And thank heav-
ems for 1t. on account mother love it
self can't be destroyed by pretty
clothes, and what a relief to all to
have our mothers become one of the
family
Copyright 1921
Evening star., 1925-08-09

Don't make me laugh" says Fin

Don't make me laugh" says Finne-
gan. I'm in mourning"
"Mourning?" / repeats. What for?"
Your brains" replies High Dome"
What goods that law in New York
when you can drift over to Jersey or
other nearby Statex and buy yourself
an arsenal? If you're too lazy to step
out for one, all you got to do is to
mail a few lines and there's at least
eighty-six concerns thatll ship you
gat in the next post. No anti-gun
law'll be worth hoot until all the
States and the Government puts one
across, and then it won't be worth any
thing. You can bootleg revolyers as
we'll as hooch, but it isn't guns or au-
tomobiles that's the big push in back
of the crime and suicide wave"
go on l urges. my ears amt
particular what they hear"
Its the crowding in the cities"
continues F'innegan. "and the speedy
Evening star., 1925-08-09

TOO bad" says I, "but l guess we
can't cut out automobiles just be-
cause crooks is usin' EN-"
Nope" agrees Finnegan, mo more'n
we can cut out raZors because some
use EN- to win arguments with, but
the fact remains that the benzine
buggies has made murder and rob-
berries much easier than they used to
be. and the more we get of them in
this country the more front-page crime
stuff the papers is going to have"
x
0THIS cutting out the sale of guns"
l. l remarks, don't seem to have
pulled down the shooting average"
Them gun-toting laws is the bunk"
growls High Dome They amt a
bloke in the country with as much as
thirty cents in his pocket that can't
grab himself a gat."
Not in New York" ] returns.
They're pretty strict there"