The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1925-12-03
Leave It To Elizabeth


Elizabeth, for a small person, is
most energetic, and is livelier than a
whole collection of crickets. If there
is any way of getting into trouble Eliz-
abeth is the cheerful little lady who's
elected for the leading roles and she
spends most OF her time opening her
big brown eyes and trying to explain
awkward situations in which she finds
herself.
Some time ago Elizabeth journeyed
across the line into the Dominion Of
Canada, and spent the weekend in the
country with friends who'd purchased
a new farm. Elizabeth was born with
deep and unquenchabie thirst, and
no sooner had she arrived than she
craved the cup Of cold water that the
Good Book recommended so highly.
That's one trouble with Elizabeth, If
she'd stick close to spirits and less to
cold water, she'd never have half so
much happen to her, but Elizabeth is
some "sot" in her ways, and there's no
use trying to lure her. with anything
stronger than a Bronx.
The host appeared with the goblet
Of cold water, but long before he got
across the room Elizabeth became
conscious that something in the atmos-
phere seemed to suggest that death
and decay all around her lay and she
said to herself, Good Heavens, Won
der if Toms gone into the undertake
ing business on the side and hates to
tell me about it."
AS he advanced closer, he, said:
Elizabeth, when we put down machin-
cry for a well we struck strong
chemical water which they say is full
of sulphur and very healthful. OF
course it doesn't smell very much like
rose, but it's sill right and will do
you good"
Elizabeth, SO thirsty that her tongue
was hanging out, held on to her small.
turned-up nose and drank a swallow.
When it struck her stomach that
worthy organ heaved to and refused
to receive any such dose, so the upshot
of it was that Elizabeth drank cold
lkCd AOk tlAC OdAd0CC Va uCA visit
Now another thing about Elizabeth;
she always knows man who's just
the person to find out and diagnose
anything animate or inanimate, and
tell all about it. So, before she started
homeward she asked her host to give
her large bottle of that healthy but
evil-minded water, and she'd take it to
him to analyze.
Maybe you could start sanitari-
um," she told him, with the mental re-
servation to herself, that is, IL the
patients ever lived long enough to get
it down."
Il know chemist who'll be delight
ed to find out just what this water is
good for, and I'll write you as soon
as he has completed his work"
The man gave her big bottle tight
ly corked, and Elizabeth placed it in
her valise, transferring her lingerie to
her mothers bag.
Coming across the line, Elizabeth
met another one Of her nice men and
got so busy talking to him that she
forgot where she was at. and when
the customs officer gazing with sus-
picion at the tangent at which one
corner of the bag shot out, asked,
Madam, what have you in your bag?"
replied mechanically Gas she had on
the way over) Underwear"
The officers gave her queer look
and said. "Will you please step into
the Officer"
BY this time Elizabeth awoke from
her trance, and remembering the
contents of the bag grew red in the
face.
The young man who'd been so glad
he'd met them, made tracks for his
native land, while Elizabeth and Eliz-
abeth's mother. who'd never figured
with any limb Of the law before, stood
in waiting while the man opened the
bag. There in shameful abandon lay
large square bottle filed with some
thing that looked like spirits. That's
only water" declared Elizabeth.
Eyes" said the official, 1--WE heard
gin called by that name before. Do
you know the penalty for smuggling
young woman?"
who's smuggler?" demanded her
mother. "Take that cork out and see
for yourself"
The man jerked out the cork and
took a deep Whit.
A series Of dashes like these - - -
are symbolic of what he really said,
and thrustino fha hotfla hack in the
bag he ushered Elizabeth and her
mother out with haste that precipit--
ated them nearly on to the car tracks.
The conference ended right there.
and two indignant women left two In
dignant officers frothing at the mouth,
particularly the one who'd taken a
Whit Of the water and was sick a
dog.