The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-02-19


done we'll. but the chair they made
me SIC IN was an Instrument % tor.
4 ture-a ho.d-oycr from the massacre
Z ot 81 Bartholomew.
Also. they made me den a Mother
| Hubbard FIRST and when they had
shaved siy chin they made ms
wash it myself I fought 30 keep a
smear ~ bay rum or nay head but
lost out. and while was resting,
IpaDtlug with exhaustion. the barber
SPRAYED my wbiskcrs with "a scotoh
mist composed ~ altar OF Uoses or
violets or something
! You'd think a French harherzhop
handling about fouF-ufths American
trade, would DO things the way
Americans like them done. Not 50,
When IN France yuu'u do as the
French do or Il viii not Do done.
I'VE been eating IN an the hest
4 Partisan restaurants. and all they
have done Tor me Is 20 arouse my
corned beef and cabbage instincts,
IL never occurs 20 thcsa boneheads
20 offer an American some regular
food. Ike plckeled pork SPARE ribs
and greens. or ham kuucklcs and
cabbage. or a slab q roast beer with
baked brown potatoes smothcred In
plain brown gravy, A Frcuchman
cannot think so low as that,
lie Graves 20 sell you something
he can disguise IN sauce Of HIS
own invention and manufacture.
which he calls speciality Of the
house.
Particularly does he desire 10
sell you wOodcock or n part.
ridge NJ a pheasant, because II I've
has ono Of these birds that has
gone = little bad on him. owing
Go having been hung too long. he
can cover up the horror with a
sauce.
II the patient survives he may
come back Tor more IL he pcrishrs
OF p,omainc poisoning a French doc,
tor VIII call Il arterio sclerosls and
the crime remains undiscovered. Per
sonally. l fell like screening like a
peacock when the head waiter pleads
% unload a game bird on me.
One Of the things that has troubled
me since I have been IN France Is
the mystery or where they set all
the wal they cat
should say that rs per cent Of
the meat eaten In France Is veal, and
I'm wondering how any calf man
agcs 10 survive long enough 10 be
come COW and produce veal.
WHILE sim on the subject OF food,
w ! have discovered that am a
bulgarian.
The French put out a rafting nice
assortment OF hot or cold hor
d'oeyrcs FOR luncheon. I ordered
some for dinner. and while / got
them. was made 10 feel that was
being served something out Of season
and that no gentleman should ask for
hor d'ocvres NJ dinner.
Strange how habit lnhibits these
people. What's wrong with a man
asking for something be likes when
ever he wants IL Even the fact that
you pay three prices for II does not
mitigate the vulgarity Of the act, az
the most polite nation in the world
views II.
Speaking OF manners. have dis
covered the one sure way 20 put the
erusher on an angry Frenchman.
Always FREQ with language. no BE-,
comes a verbal Niagara when angry.
My scheme is not TO talk back 10
him The wouldn't understand me. any.
how but 10 wait until he stops 70
light cigarct or take a long breath.
and then I say TO him: Monsieur,
you are not polite"
OF course / say this in French.
after first looking IN my little book
entitled: What You Want 10 Say
In French and How TO Say IT,
The effect Of this charge is devas-
tatinE. The victim hangs his head
and departs in silence save for his
heart-breaking sobs.
To be Frenchman and have a PIG
American inform you coldly and
sadly that you arc no, polite! Sacred |
name OF a pipel
They arc n curious race. II an |
American punches another American |
and knocks him out, the fight IS |
over. Same with an Englishman or
a German or n Jew or a Bohunk or
a Swode. Not 20 with the Frog.
when he comes 10 he gets knife !
or a gun or a club. or he com
mences throwing clocks or empty |
bottles. At any rate. no renews the |
fight. and no matter how often he Is
whipped. he VIII keep on renewing |
the fight, which Is why he must be |
killed at the opening OF hostilities II
his opponent Is ever TO know mo
ment's peace thereafter.
The Frogs idea Of fight II 10
keep on fighting his victor until
the latter becomes discouraged
and retreats In sheer disgust,