davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
Listen World
By ELSIE ROBINSON

Roses layette yet. They hardly
ever come to a family gathering
they firmly refuse to take part in
conferences. They're lovely and
cordial-there are never any rows
to straighten out-but THERE'S
SIMPLY NO FAMILY FEEL
ING :" walls Abbie.
So Abbie wants me TO write a
defense of FAMILY CIRCLES and
issue a clarion call to the modern
generation to return to them.
I'm sorry, Abbie dear, but L
can't do it. II you want to know
the brutal truth, i think the day
of Family Circles has passed and
that il would be tragic If we did
try to return TO them.
The Family Circle was OF ines
Unable value to the human race at
one time. Before there were ma
tions or tribes or even communities.
the Family Circle was the center OF
human life, 1t was the whole gov
eminent and upon its solidarity de-
pended the well being of the indi-
viduals that composed il. They were
literally family CIRCLES" cover
ing in q circle about tn esame fire,
hunting in a group for the common
source Of food. Family "ties" meant
something in those dangerous days.
If you left that circle or broke those
ties you were apt to be out OF luck.
The solidarity continued through
countless generations. But as dan
gers lessencd and the communities
. grew, the need Of the Family Circle
diminished in fact, family ties be-
gan TO be a handicap rather than an
asset. Where once they had pro-
tected against danger they now cut
off advancement. But being timid
beasts Of nature, we humans still
chung to them and revered them as
something holy, beautiful and essen
tial. .......
So the Family Circle passed. To-
day n larger life awaits us-wider
relationships-less personal interest.
The wise, healthy nature seeks these
wider contacts and avoids "en-
tangling alliances" with pettier in
tercsts. That's what your sisters
in-law are doing, Abbie. They see
clearly that they've bigger business
to attend to than this and hill agi-
tati0n which has satisfied the Hatch
family hitherto. And they're going
about that business. You should be
going about it too, Abbie. There
is better goal for your endeavors.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

home, not and carry on current ex-
penses. So Mrs. Goofnah, our Mad
anne President, got up and appointed
a committee TO raise the funds, and
/ and that Mabel Bush got the job.
Well naturally we at once went
into Mrs. GoOfnah's room and con-
fidence, and / says Mabel Bush, /
says, il certainly is the limit how
nobody else in this club ever seems
able to do any work except me,
that's what comes of being cOmpe-
tent. my land. anybody would think
] didn't have a thing in the world
20 do only serve on committees.
And Mabel says, yeh amt il so,
dear, / have often wished / was a
perfect fool SOS this club wouldn't
be all the time bothering me TO use
some of my famous efficiency.
Well, naturally there was no use
IN pointing out to Mabel where her
wish had undoubtedly been granted
the first time she made it. If not be-
fore. so / merely says well We can't
all have our wishes as easy rs you,
dear. but what'il we do 10 raise the
money? And she says, how much
de we need? And ! says five hun
dred bargain binders, believe.
And Mabel says oh dear, my back
aches when ! think Of another food
and apron sale, don't you suppose
we could get the money out Of our
husbands? And l says yes. / don {
suppose. but let's try. We'll. that
suited Mabel all right, she is the
type that likes to sit around in pref
erence TO doing a little work, be-
lieye you me, if she had been a man
il would Of been the kind the two
pants suits are made for.
ALL APPLE SAUCE.
Well anyways. ] went on home,
and Just as quick as / seen Geo. l
come to the point with all the direct
ness of a crab facing west but going
north. Say dear, / says, d'you know
j heard a lady remark today she
thought you was awful good look
ing?
Aw nonsense says Geo. but TAX
ing q little peck at his necktie in
the mirror. just the same. All
apple sauce he says, ] suppose you
told her il was my manly beauty
caught you. 100, Oh? Oh 10 dear.
] says. / told her Of course !
thought you was handsome, but that
what ] really admired was your gen
crosby, see: Well, says Geo. /
don't quite, as yet, but I'm com
mencing to suspect, go on. spill II!
Well dear, I admitted ! was
thinking Of asking would you care
10 contribute two hundred and
fifty dollars to a fund we ladies
of The Thursday Club is getting
up? And Geo. says no! Nix . moth
ing doing! And then l says well
that leaves me no alternative only
10 call on the Dramatic Club to
give a performance.
The next day early Mabel Bush
called IN and il seems where that
Joe Bush Of the Hawthorne Club
she's married 10, wouldn't cough W,
shake down, or loosen simoleon,
and so Mabel was perfectly de-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

burger flow these days? Will 1t
every fly back?
"Oh, ignorance, why are We
stung?" As the poet said. What
poet? All! We're just a lot Of
dumb-bells.
John D. Jr. pays $1,000 } In
come tax. 1t is a terrible blow. Yet.
how many of us who have paid the
government $125 - after skinning
the said government aforesaid OUT
Of S75O-would not be willing to
take this blow? We want to tenn
per the swat to the shorn million
aire but we do not know how to
step into his shoes and do likewise.
We're dumb, brother, just plain
dumb.
Take prohibition. Take female
suffrage. Take the League Of Ma
tons. Take the high cost Of labor.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
How Many Wives Know Where Their
Husbands Are When They Are
Not Where They Say?

Take a plumber at work when the
boss isn't looking.
Take our nations art and litera.
ture and jazz.
After taking them all, take q
nice glass of Rhine wine. A bit
of caviar or pate de fois gras goes
well with it. Nix, friends! We're
blah!
Let us consider the nux vomica
disparagingly. The corset has
practically disappeared and the boy
ish form is a delight. But mezumeh
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

they spoke about me gaining weight,
or picked on my poor dear husband
for being the worst golfer in the
Hawthorne Club, & his best shot
being his approach to the club
house! Jokes like them is in bad
taste 1 always claim.
But then TO the other hand there
was a awful humorous crack pulled
about Mabel Bush never giving her
family enough to eat except at
somebody-else's house. You know, it
was just one of them harmless,
good-natured jokes that is perfectly
all right if taken in the correct
spirit.
Well, after this number, DR.. Sal
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
I and George = By Nina Wilcox Putnam
Only Woman Humorst ----

ary recited Gunga Din, and it was
certainly some din all right, he tore
mp the stage and tore down the
stage in the dramatic, not carpenter
ing sense, of them words, if you get
me. He put q whole lot Of feeling
into it, and the strain was some
thing awful, especially on his vest.
I'll tell the world, if Gunga Din was
a better man than DR.. Salary, like
the Doc claimed, it certainly wasn't
at shouting.
After the Doc had bowed his
thanks for the applause with all due
modesty, and there was lot due,
well, when he had got off the stage,
we put on the Floradora Sextette,
and this was a real good number, l
was in it, so I ought to know. And
the third time we took a encore be-
fore the audience had time to pre-
vent it, why we got the steps and
words pretty darn near right.
TOO CUTE FOR ANYTHING.
After this act was safely over we
all went out into the hall in our
costumes to see the rest of the
show, which consisted Of "The
Dance OF the Fairies" baby bal
let, performed by the dear little ones
dressed up in crepe-paper costumes.
Ny Junior was in this and that
awful kid of the Bushes and also a
child per ca. of pretty near every
married person in the audience.
The kids was just too cute for
anything, as everybody remarked,
especially mine. All the others got
the dance wrong except Junior, but
luckily they all done it wrong the
same way. And then, on this acct.
that Bush boy run into Junior, and
naturally Junior give him a shove,
and then that rough Bush kid hit
him, and we had to ring down the
curtain and start the dance all over
again. But it was certainly a
pretty sight, as Mrs. Goofnah, who
is always original, so truly said.
Well, after the show was all fin
ished, and the actors and audience
ditto, and l and Geo. was home,
Geo. commenced asking me a few
questions. Well Jennie, he says, did
you get the five hundred dollars all
right? And ! says oh yes indeed,
dear, we took in five hundred dollars
and sixty cents.
The expenses for costumes, lights,
the orchestra and extras generally,
only come TO four hundred and nine
ty four dollars and no 100, so you
see we are conner have six dollars
and sixty cents left for the Fund.
And Geo. says ha / suppose you
think that is a big success? And L
says yes we certainly do, so much
so that we are conner give the
show all over again next month for
the benefit Of The Society for Re-
lieving The Condition Of Church
Mice. Geo. give me one look and
pulled out his pocketbook.
No, you are not conner give It
again, says he, not Tor the benefit
of the S. F. r. T. c. o. c. NJ. or
anything else, on account that show
don't benefit nobody. The only
ones enjoyed it was the actors. Here,
he says, is a hundred smackers
cash for the Church Mice. It's
worth the money to me to keep that
show off the boreds in this mans
town!
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
Raising Money for a Benefit by Giving
an Amateur Show in Free
Auditorium

Believe you me, the audience
simply howled and hollered with
laughter at these local items, es-
pecially if the joke was on a friend,
when they would all turn around
and look to see was the friend in
the audience and if the friend was,
why they would yell hey Ed, that's
one on you, get that Ed, All, ba!
And all like that.
OF. course, there was some cracks
which wasn't SO funny, like when
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

It's a dumb world, mates! Youth
hasn't any sense. Age has rheu-
matism, govt, sore gums, bunions,
palpitation and extravaganza of the
liver. It's a toss-up.
The ideal lies in a combination Of
Henry Ford, Rudolph Valentino,
Jack Dempsey, Jackie Coogan and
Professor Einstein.
This ideal combines money, hot
air, good looks, strength, youth and
wisdom. Anybody who wants more
than that is hog.
But where do you find such a
combination? For many centuries
the whole human race has strived-
or striven. (Tillie has taken our
dictionary home with her)--to reach
this appoplexy. But who has reach
ed it? If it weren't for the catch
about money we might Put in a
word or two for ourself. But most Of
us are broke, fellow citizens! Just
plain busted.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
AS Cleopatra IN her famous book.

A 8 Cleopatra in her famous book.
IA @Tbe Asp, and It's Social
Usage" once said: The Onion
builds you up physically and tears
you down socially: it is the Only
thing sure to cost you friends"
But / dunno did Cleo or Pat, or
whatever they called her for short,
have altogether the right dope on
! the last part of that, on account L
personally myself found where ANA
teur Theatricals viii often lose you
a bunch of friends. And only few
weeks ago ! and George, that's my
husband. was remarlang about this.
The whole trouble started by our
Ladies Thursday Cub voting 70 con-
tribute TO the Home For Absent
Members, and when the treasures
report was read we had only 1882
IN the Treas. Dept, hardly enough
TO make q decent contribution to the
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

with ) Of a major suit. Harry
CIaffert (for Harry is indeed his
first nance will begin TO bite in
nocent bystanders II his partner
don't leave him in with whatever he
bid.
Genevieve Claffert loves grand
opera. Harry says be amt going to
spend no 500 per ticket 10 set for
3 hours listening to 4, or 8 frogs and
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

enough to confess that We never
heard Of them ourself. e..
Take botany, for instance. How
many of US know how Pilsner beer
is made? A little hops, little
malt. a little water, a little fermen-
tation and a $40 fine. That is the
general idea. But do you call that
accurate knowledge? Can you make
Pilsner beer as well as the Prince
Of Pilsen? Where does the Wurz-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

early. Mr.. Claffert likes to stay out
late.
Mrs. Claffert has a average Of 5
headaches per wk. Her husband
don't even know what they feel like,
though he should Of.
Mrs. Claffert likes to be took out
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Harry likes a steak rare or me-
dunn rare and smothcred with on
ions, also French fried or baked
potatoes. Gcneyieve can't stand
steak unless it's burnt black, hates
onions and insists on potatoes au
grntin. Harry says anybody that
viii eat checse-ADd GeneYieve
says the same thing to him about
onions.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
Some Facts

THE normal beat Of the human
i pulse Is seVenty-tWO per mill
ute. although speeds Of 175 and even
$50 have been recorded.
The latest man who ever lived
was probably Daniel Lambert. He
was horn at Leicester tEnglandD
In iT7O, and died at Stamford Eng
lnnd) la 1909. His weight was 739
pounds. He was nine feet four
inches round the waist and the calf
scf his leg was thirty seven inches in
circumference. A group Of eleven
xouug men once stood within a but
toned vest that had belonged 10
Lambert
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
BY RING LARDNER-

a heine or 2 believing back and
forth at each other in wop. Give
him Harold Lloyd.
Geneyieye loves lie danse and a
specially with Harry when he is
sober, Harry won't get up on the
floor unless he almost can't.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
Overheard

CT ooK here, SIR" said the nnd-
~ lord, "Pm sorry to press the
point, but your bill is getting big.
Ny motto Is Pay as you co."
quite, quite" said the ledger,
"But I've no intention Of going yet"
ADO you suppose there ever was
a human being who didn't talk about
his neighbors?" asked the cynical
man.
Yes" said the genial citizen.
"Nnme him."
Robinson Crusoe."
Father-in-Law: Didn't you tell
me when you married my daughter
that you were worth 100000
Son.in-Law: "NO, sir; / said that
could lay my hands on $20O,OOO.
But had | done so should now be
in prison."
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Oh fine. dear. she says, let's put
on something funny, how about a
comedy? And i says oh that's too
much work, ! thought Of a yaude-
vile. where the people could get
up their own acts. We could call
il the Dinglewood Follies OF 1925,
see? And Mabel says th2t'H be
great, dear, I viii sing a few songs.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
HOW ABOUT A COMEDY?

lighted when I spoke Of the Dingie-
wood Dramatic Club.
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-10-22

seeing trip. To our complete satisfac-
ton there was built at this point, a
small shack where refreshments
could be obtained. Upon our return
to Hilo we were entertained at the
dock by dancing and music.
A great percentage of the sailors
seemed to have been touched by some
happy wand, anyway they couldn't
walk straight and for the most part
had plenty to say and talk about.
Several sailors off our ship. having
its share of representation, urged on
some fast stepping Hula Hulaist,
tho the Hula girls of this instance
happened to be some boys from our
ship. --.~.- III
The town of Hilo is the second
largest of the Hawaiian islands and
by far the most beautiful. 1t is well
laid out, has several waterfalls In
the vicinity of the town. with the
river running thru the main section.
Hilo faces the ocean and is richly
endowed with green vegetation which
adds beauty as well as distinctiveness
to the little city. "-a-
The next day we returned to Pearl
Harbor where we stayed until our
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-10-22

volcanoes for which this island is
noted. There were eight in our par
ticular party which made the trip in
a Studebaker.
With a few exceptions the road
was ideal all the way up to the vol
canoes a distance of about 20 miles.
In contrast with the other islands of
the Hawaiian group we found Ha-
wall to be well covered with vege-
tation, and richly endowed with ma
tural scenic beauty. The trip to the
volcano was made in approximately
three hours. We stopped at five vol
canoes including Kilawea and Kila-
wea Xxi. (Ihi means smalD. In the
latter which is extinct we noted var
ious names of places carved in the
floor of this arena. Both of the vol
canoes mentioned above, we nlarveled
at the perfect roundness and arena
like shape of the volcanoes. The
sides all were well clad with native
vegetation.
Another point of interest proved
to be a natural made tunnel called
"The Lava Tube" which was created
by the force Of the gushing lava. We
also visited a large steaming crater
which marked the zenith of our sight
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-10-22

On April Ord, 1925 the mighty Pa
cific Armada in conjunction with the
Atlantic Scouting fleet quietly with
drew from their southern retreat in
the lower California district (San
Diego and San Pedro) en- route for
the more northerly metropolis, San
Francisco. Thus began the first move
of the Historical cruise to the Anti
podes.
After a day or two of unsettled
weather the wave-tossed wardogs
slowly steamed in single file thru the
narrow entrance of the Golden Gate,
which leads to San Franchises inner
bay.
After the fleet had comfortably an
chored in the roomy span of the San
Francisco bay, hundreds of motor
boats could be seen as they busily
putted to and from the local piers
heavily laden with visiting sailors.
Eyes, the Gobs are coming to town
now" is what the old San franciscan
natives probably said, when they first
glimpsed the frisky bands of sea-
man that quickly filled the streets.
Every day of our stay in San Fran
cisco afforded new fields of amuse-
ments, which were generously pro-
vided by city and private organiza-
lions of San Francisco and Oakland,
in honor of the visiting fleet.
One of the main places of interest
in San Francisco was the old settle
ment which has now practically van
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-10-22
BEAUTY SPOTS OF PACIFIC DES-
CRIBED BY SAILOR WITH FLEET
Franz H. c. Wnneg, 3rd Class Petty Officer on u S.
Affair, Whose Home is at Benton City, Tells OF
Interesting Trip on Battleshp

ished from the modern city of today,
namely the Barbary Coast, which
may have long since seen its days
but which still stands as monument
of the past. Another place Of especial
interest is the well known Chinatown
of Frisco.
Among the beauty spots of Frisco
is Golden Gate Park, which faces the
ocean and forms a most pleasant re-
treat for those who are weary and
blues. The Art Gallery is worthy OF
special mention, both for quality OF
exhibits and majestic structural fea-
lures. Other buildings, all OF which
are of architectural beauty add to
the quality and wealth of this dis
tinctive woodland park.
After spending one round of plea
sure and recreation in this western
paradise, the visiting fleet again
weighed anchor, proceeding in man
of-war fashion thru the Golden Gate
not to return again for several
months to come.
Unfortunately we were handicap
ped with continual rough weather
which helped to make things little
uncomfortable, tho we were broke
away from the continual monotony
by the daily appearance of our 10
piece band, on the upper deck of the
ship, where we enjoyed regular
Sunday concert.
One o'clock Monday morning on
April 27. the island of Oahu, I. II.
was spied and captured after an all
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-10-22

FOR RENT-Upstairs apartmer,
strictly private; private entrance
electric range. hot and cold water
toilet and lavatory. front porch. Roth
privileges down stairs. Phi. 20s3 2o-1a
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-10-22

departure for the Antipodes. the h.,.
lap of the entire trip. which incI, Dsss
a visit to Samoan, Australian snS
New Zealand ports. " anu
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1925-10-09
A. f. L. Convention
Now i'm Session

Atlantic City-Representatives of
nearly three million organized work
ers assembled here Monday for the
formal opening of the 55th annual
convention Of the American Fedora
tion of Labor. A new hand was at
the helm for the first time in more
than quarter Of century in the
person Of William Green, who was
chosen president last winter after
the death of the veteran Samuel
Gompers.
In his opening address President
Green stirred the delegations to great
enthusiasm by declaring that the fed
GRAFTON had just begun to figth for
the child labor amendment. "If the
impression prevails that we have Civ
en- up the fight after the temporary
setback" he said, "may | correct that
impression with all the earnestness of
my soul? ?"
Immediately following the formal
opening the convention got down to
real business and is wasting no time
in disposing of the important matters
coming before it. Sessions are be-
ing held daily, and the convention will
probably terminate some time next
week.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1925-10-09
Failed to Work Out

The rOsiate schemes for the
future oft times fail to material
| ize and bright dreams Of politi-
cal honors and preferment do
not always result in complete
fruition.
This is evidently the fate
which has overtaken the plans Of
our present Mayor and past Ser
vice Director, who are reported
to have been seeing visions of
more glory during the coming
two years.
The plan is reported to have
been as follows: Mr.. Stevens was
to be chosen at the forthcoming
election to succeed himself; Mr..
Fulk was slated for re-appoint-
ment to the office of Service Di-
rector. Things would go ahead
o. K. for a couple of years, ana
then the Mayor would take an
upward step and don the ermine
now so gracefully worn by COM
mon Pleas Judge Moore and
Clarence would appear in the
role of a candidate for Mayor,
and as natural result be
triumphantly elected.
But the recent scrap and con-
sequent split in the combine has
10 all appearances put the klbosh
on the deal and burst the pretty
bubble to SmithereenS.
Moral: Don't count your
chickens before they're hatch
nd "
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1925-10-09
A Wonderful VictrOlia

J. ]. Carroll has received a tele-
gram from New York telling of a
demonstration of the new Orotho,
phonic Victrola Tuesday night at the
Waldorf Astoria before a notable as
semblage of scientists, artists, pub
fishers, business leaders and musical
critics, at which immense enthusiasm
prevailed. The music filled the great
hall perfectly and speakers predict
ed an eager response by the music
loving public.
Mr.. Carroll will have a complete
selection of this revolutionizing mus
ical wonder on display by November
1st, and about the middle of that
month a representative Of the Victor
Co. will be at his store to give q
thorough and complete demonstration
of the new Orothophonic Victrola
which officers so materially from
anything heretofore placed on the
market.
Newark leader. ([Newark, Ohio]) 1917-1946, 1925-10-09
Neil Mayer Quits

Owing to continued absence
from the city, occasioned by bus
mess, Councilman Neil Mayer, of
the Fifth Ward, presented his
resignation at Monday nights
meeting, which was regretfully
accepted; and although a peti-
ton was read asking for and
naming a citizen as his success
or, no action was taken except
receiving and filing the petition.