davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-03-08

knives and forks and other instru-
ments of social torture in the same
class.
OF course at home we got just
the regulation outfit-a fork that you
take in one hand, and knife which
is parked in the other. The main
purpose of them tools is to get food
within a reasonable distance of the
face.
But according to this book. fish
was liable to make big fuss about
1t unless attacked with fork which
had been especially invented to hurt
it's feelings as little as possible. Also
ice cream had a special jack to raise
it to the mouth, and oysters and
clans had little three pronged af-
fair which looked like the one the
devil is supposed to carry, but deviled
or raw, you ate them shell fish with
it. BY the time / come to after din
ner coffee cups and how to tease
them, l felt so full l didn't knows
cared whether l ate any supper
kthat night or not
Well anyways, after checking up
on crockery. silverware, whatto-
wear, manners, and other implements
of polite etiquette, l heard George
coming up the path and so l slammed
down the book and got busy in the
kitchen right away. on account l
wouldn't care to have him find me
sitting around like an idol doing
nothing. But felt like ! was now
fully able to go out and take dinner
with Mr.. Trick and wife, even If
their house was as big as the court
house and their servants as disa-
greeable as the highest society
peoples.
I knew what was which, and felt
able to shake hands with the Arm
less wonder in the circus if neces-
sary, with perfect poise and grace.
Nobody wasn't going TO put me at
my ease in a big fine house, I'd be
at 1T when 1 got there.
Well, pretty soon in come Geo.
see, and give me one of them married
kisses on the back end of my left ear,
and took off his coat with the usual
line about what was wrong with the
office, and then he went and set in
the parlor till supper was ready,
and he was so quiet l took look
in after a while to see what was
wrong, No evening paper was rat
Ting. And there of all things, If Geo.
wasn't reading in the Etiquette book.
When l come in he put 1t down
with a wallop, but just too late.
Then he give me kinda guilty
Evening star., 1925-03-08
Touch DeluSion.

THE varioXs optical illusions" by
means OF which straight lines are
caused to appear crooked and objects
of equal size are rendered, to all ap-
pearance, decidedly unequal are
more OF less familiar to everybody,
but there are others equally striking
that are not so frequently expert
mented with. A French savant has
pointed out several surprisingly easy
ways in which we are misled in our
perception of heat and cold and of
pressure.
A simple and convincing experiment
of this kind may be tried in the fol-
lowing manner: Take two silver dol
lars and place one OF them upon a
marble table, or mantel, while the
other is rubbed briskly between the
hands. In this manner a slight diff
ference of temperature between the
two metals will be produced.
Then ask some one to incline his
head backward, closing his eyes. Lay
the warm dollar on his forehead for a
moment, remove it, and quickly sub
stitute the cold one. You will hardly
be able to convince him that they
are of equal weight. The cold piece
always seems TO be much heavier than.
the other.
The explanation of this phenomenon
is that the metal which has been
rubbed between the hands has as
sumed nearly the same temperature
as that of the body, and when 1t is
placed upon the forehead the sense of
touch is affected by the pressure
alone.
But the metal which has been
cooled, being at a lower temperature
than the skin, affects the sense in a
double manner, and the subject of the
experiment not being able to distin-
guish clearly between the effects, in
stinctively ascribes the entire senaa-
tion to pressure alone.
Evening star., 1925-03-08

Well, / made note of all that
a note a little off key l will admit,
and then I turned to a chapter on
the houses of the rich and how to
enjoy yourself in them in spite OF
the host and hostess.
1t seems the book recommended
where the very best way was to
bring your own gang of friends along
to the party, but If that was impos-
sible, why the next best idea, and the
one which would be considered least
trouble to all concerned, was to
bring along a big dose of chloro-
form and inhale it as you entered
the door
In some circles, however. says the
book, especially them where the host
is known for telling the same lot
of jokes and stories that he did at
the last seven or twelve parties he
give, why in that case, a good dose
of laughing gas was thought to be
In better taste.
In admiring, the furniture and etc.
at such a home, according to the
book. the perfect guest would never
ask was the stuff all paid for yet.
They would also refrain from re-
marking how homely most of it was
until0after leaving. And in CONVEX
sation during the course of a meal
(Which course was not mentioned)
the well bred guest would never say
Il see by the papers your son Bill
is still in Jail" The correct way to
put it was II perceive that your
offspring. William. has decided to re-
main incarcerated until your attor-
ney can think up some new plea for
him"
X * x
THEN there was piece about but
lers. 1t seems there was several
correct ways to address a butler; by
mail, telegraph, or parcel post. AS
to what it was correct to call him,
we'll. as far as I could figure, 1T was
all right to call him anything ex-
cept before he was ready.
The book also went on to say where
many people unaccustomed to formal
society was now carrying little
pocket stoves SOS not to be frozen
by the buffers manner when he opens
the front door. The book even give
a chapter on how to tell the buffers
from the humble bees. The ones in
the striped vests might be either and
the ones in evening clothes might be
the host, so it was sure necessary to
read this careful.
Another thing 1 read up on was
Evening star., 1925-03-08
BY PRESTON WRIGHT.

A WRITER on a woman's wear
~ journal once was the sole
IA stop-gap between Fannie
4 L Hurst and utter literary eX
tinction. This woman cross
ed Miss Hurst's path on single oc
casion, but took an immediate inter
est in her.
The result was the introduction of
the girl to the editor OF a great mag
azine, who recognized in her that
which she has turned out to be-one
of the greatest of our novelists and
short story writers.
Fannie Hurst began writing when
she was but child of Z in st.
Louis She maintained a determined
struggle for publication all through
her preparatory, high school and uni
Versity days, despite lack of en-
coura cement from her family.
Manuscript after manuscript de-
parted from the Hurst home only to
return. The voice of the colored
maid, answering the postman's ring,
became a familiar sound in the house.
"Oh, Miss Fannie" she would CALL
here are some more stories come
back"
There was a pride in her tones not
justified by the situation. She ad
mired deeply the mere circumstances
that her young mistress was in corre
spondence with great editors. The
long envelopes containing the manu-
scripts were impressive. She had no
doubt about Miss Fannie's genius.
Repeated rebuffs might have daunt
ed even determined Fannie Hurst ex-
cept for an incident in her sophomore
year at Washington University.
One day Prof Starbird, instructor
in English literature, lifted a paper
before her class and said:
Here is theme which / think the
best I've ever seen. 1t is as good as
I couId have done myself"
The writer of the theme, fictional
in character. was Fannie Hurst.
Prof. Starbird's declaration gave
her a new grip on the future. She
sent her theme to William Marion
Reedy, editor of Reedy's Mirror. a
monthly magazine, and a literary
power in st. Louis.
Later a friend dashed madly at
her waving a copy of the Mirror.
ITS in--it's int" she shouted.
Miss Hurst had been published and
she renewed her output of stories.
but the larger fields were obdurate.
She couldn't break in.
Washington University days end
ed, with her family still hostile, she
went to New York to take a grad
uate course at Columbia University.
Every spare minute was spent in
writing. Still her stories came back
The Saturday Evening Post returned
20 in a row.
In her first year in New York she
sold one story-to a second string"
magazine. But that was all. For
three years she peddled her product
without result.
Come home" wrote her family,
and Fannie Hurst, taking stock of 10
years of fruitless effort, decided to
do so.
But the indomitable soul of her
resolved on one last try.
She dug up an unused letter of in
Evening star., 1925-03-08

special I wanted to set up for. That
is about all they is to my secret" ex-
cept that I have always tried to be
polite to people like Dempsey and
have kept away from police dogs.
However, a person never knows
how close they are to the Grin
Reaper of death and personly I would
not be here writing about my 40th
birthday only for the thoughtfulness
of Ida. l was leaving the house one
night for no reason and she called me
back and sayd Oh Mr.. l.. they's a big
piece of pumpkin pie setting on top
of the refrigerator. So 1 said, that is
fine, thank you very much. Yes, she
said, but don't eat it because I have
put rat poison all over it.
Well steered clear of the poison
pie and so did the furry little fell
lows for who it was intended. Even
the kiddies kept away from it and
the only casualty resulting from a
liberal use Of rat poison around the
premises has been the sad demises
of l cat.
Speaking about the kiddies who I
have named the four horsemens of
the metropolis on acct. of them living
so close to N. 7. though they ain't
got no horsa. why one Of them come
Evening star., 1925-03-08

Ouches, Bedroom door fly apart and
there stuck Mrs. c. w. Quackmire
looking like a fat nightrobe with
mad hairs.
Togo" she snarrel. what you
mean by this, if anything? When
you come home too late & all home
brewed why you walk upstairs on yr
iron heels? Go to bed more early
hereafterly, you lazy bomb" Slam
door. Silences.
x x X
GO THAT night before sleeping
~ think my lecture 1 shall make
radio Grafton of title: WHY Are Folk
So Cruel to Servant Girls of Both
Sexes? This would be an enlarged
chance for me say what l SO dearly
wish without Mrs. c. w. Quackmire
to throw any furniture back at me.
Therefore Frydy night emerge &
go with bravery to Broadcussng Sta
ton kLUX. Hon. BENZ. Franklin
Washa were there with Welcome
Elks expression while leading me to
paddy cell containing a glass of
water & little round talefone disk
befront of me on table
Talk at that for ten (10) minutes
& say what can be passed by Bored
of Censors." dictate Hon. Washa &
| leave me to my voice.
MS dIc lOspr bTOdO-
cussing from Station KLUX on sub
| jeck Why Are Folks So Cruel to Serv-
| ant Girls of Both Sexes" dictate Hon.
| Spiel. So l commence.
United States of America l tell
you something. / are a servant girl
| of male extraction working for Mrs.
c. w. Quackmire of 4l144 Obelisk
| Ave Because of my famus Japanese
| origin l are not afraid of this lady,
even If she comes a ton at time.
Even when she approach to my
kitchen with a dish-pan & slamm it
on me like a derby hat, what l care
| for her? She take advantage of my
weaker sex, yet that make less differ
ence with me. That lady 1 defy.
| do so, 1 do.
How many other servant girls are
| there like me, kooped up in kitchen
with nothing to do evening axept GO
to emotion pictures, priZefight &
| grand opera? 1 did not count them
Yet for benefat of all what suffer
\ like me, l tell them what do. Get
brave when you see your Mrs. Boss
coming. Do not move a leg. The
are too many of those Quackmire
| ladies in America, stamping around
house and acting like they own it
merely because they pay rent.
Down with Quackmire Ladies and
Evening star., 1925-03-08

scorn him like ! scorn them all G. II
any man are sufficiently grown up to
meet me here & now l shall unfasten
my-fsts &sthrow them at him. For
have / not studied how to gaw-gaw-
,GAW! ~
Hon. Radio say that last report.
20 Husband" yellup Miss Mamie
more so we can hear all those wiring
ing words of that great man."
Cant do, thank YOU" say Hon.
Husband. His strong breath have
blown out a inner tube"
"Goshes" none Miss Mamie, "it are
too ashamed that we cannot hear II
all. Think what hero this Gustavus
P. Elbow must be. standing there al
station GU. MP, Elderberry Falls, &
defying all L. S. How powerful man
he must be with such nobility OF
lungs & muscularity of thought"
"Unfortunely." dictate Hon. Benz
Franklin Washa, Japanese radio pro-
grom, Il are acquaintance of this
Hon. G.. p. Elbow who are sick
shouldered gentleman of 4 #. 4 high
and all the hair slipped off his
brains"
yet how could he say such scare
devil speech without a solid brass
heart?" require Miss Mamie very sad
His wife write them for him,
snuggest Hon. Washa.
Yet he are very bravery of man.
hood" she 81 & grone.
How should it?' he dib. When
man are lock-away in rain-proof ra-
dio room, safe from even canary's
eggs, where nobody could shoot, kill
or knock back, cannot he say what
bravery he feel like?"
That are good way to know
negotiate Secretiyely.
So Il hr later while talking to this
Benz. Franklin Washa, / ask follow
ing QUESTIONABLE, Dear Sir, how
could japanese schoolboy get the
chance of an opportunity to talk
through a Radio horn?"
You are invited" holla Hon. Wa
sha cordial. You cannot believe how
happy we are to get free talk from
any interesting egotism with nothing 6
to say. Come next Frydy night tc
Station kLUX & lecture on Sub
jeckt."
So that night, Mr.. Editor. I elope tc
home of Mr.. & Mrs. C. w. Quackmire
feeling like a new umpire. With tai
ented key i ope front door while
thinking, What lecture shall I talk
about from radio next Frydy night.
l commence walk upstairs secretively
like mosquitoes skating on jelly wher
Evening star., 1925-03-08

up with Hashimura Togos, The hour
have struck. Time have become so
ripe that 1t are rotten. Servant Girls,
arise or do something else. l are too
accustomed to that Quackmire lady to
get scared of her from where l are
now standing She think she are han
some like Hazel Dawn. Shux!
know where she get the color of her
hair from the drug store where she
send me buy it. The same are true
of her teeth. Only reason why l work
for her are this: She would fire me
if 1 quit.
She are so stingy that she do not
pumit me leave Hon-Gas Oven on
when not in use. She are not musical.
Yestday she go insane because l sing
Japanese MI Hymn while breaking
dishes. Sometime when I forget to
cook lunching because too many busy
studying murders in American news
prints she seem to grow inf1amed.
x y
HNET l stand here tonight, Gagged
l. up in this explosion-proof ra
dio, and speak to her like a hero. Mrs.
c. W. Quackmire,' I say, I are not
so afraid of. you as 1 was yestday
am. when you tossed stove at me.
| Cool couridge are suddenly in my
heart. 1 defy you several times.
Come out G. fight me, man to man,
| Mrs. c. w. Quickmire. l are no
| longer a Servant Girl. I are Sa-
| mural, -"
When I got through with that, Mr..
Editor, Hon. B. F. Washa give me a
very dear handshook & say ! were
| better than Senator Borah defying
| Europe by long But l no
soonly approach to street when SOME
| cold sweat got on my eyeballs. For
| there stand Cousin Nogi looking calm
| but nervus.
Togo" he say so, you make a
| deliciously alarming oratio on radio.
listen at 1t by Y.MC.A. After what
you say all servant girls shall strike
& be free & out of jobs. Also / tell
| you this. Sleep with me tonight &
do not. return back to home of Mrs.
c. W. Quackmire for 13 yrs"
why so long timer l narTate with
| frozen hair.
Because this" he divulge. she
went to a Radio Party tonight at
home of Mrs. Oscar Bluehammer &
for some cute reason she fell out Of
| a window while listening"
1 an gabberfiasted.
Hoping you are the same
| Yours truly,
HASHIMURA TOGO.
| (Copyright, 1881
Evening star., 1925-03-08
WHERE lhh ho'i M M BE- @ D VI hA ~

look the same as Junior often does
over jam or busting something, and
l merely give him the icy ephis.
WELL well. I says Geo. Jules what
w on earth are you doing?
And he says oh we'll, l merely
picked 1t up OUTER curiosity, he says,
think them things don't really learn
a person nothing, but it is kinda
amusing. he says, and besides ii is
one of the most popular books OF the
season, everybody had ought to
know what it's all about, SOS to be
able to talk Intelligent concerning
it.
Well naturally I thought, oh well.
leave him read 1t without no further
kidding. II can't do him any harm
to realize there is enough men in
the world who dsess for dinner to
make it worth this authors while
writing chapter on the correct
type of collar button to wear to a
dinner party of six in a public res
taurant Maybe after, Geo. won't
kick so much when / take out his
soup-and-fsh onct in a while and
give the moths a vacation.
Well he read in the book all right,
I could tell it on him in a minute
the night we went out to the house
Mr.. Trick lived in, and sure enough
it was outsize, of white stucco, mean
ing the kind of house where the
owner generally gets stucko for more
then any home is worth.
When we pulled up to the front
door and Geo. had pushed down his
collar in the place which chokes
him the worse, why he says to me,
now be careful Jenny don't make
any breaks, remember the boss is
awful formal, he will very likely re-
ceive US in the purple drawing room
and shake hands up on the fifth floor
of the air and say charmed, or some :
thing, but don't let it get your goat,
remember there must be nothing
wrong with the picture from the
minute the butler opens the door.
And | says don't worry old deah,
I'm conner be right there
Well, about then the door opened.
but 1T was not the butler at all, It
was Mr.. Trick his own self in a old
dinner coat that look ed real comfort
able, and he at once held out his
hand and says we'll well folks i
pretty near thought you was lost,
come right on in and meet the Misses,
she's inside by the fire, gee, this is
great George old man, such a relief
Evening star., 1925-03-08
Talking Back Barred by Radio

by WALLACE IRWIN.


To Editor of The Star who should
talk to his wife by Radio because
, impossible to talk back
~ EAREST SIR:-Last Wedsdy
o. m. I go to Radio Party
including ice cream free)
m home of Miss Mamie
Furioki & husband where
Miss Mamie keep broadcussing ap-
paratix so her husband VIII not get
too mischief while she away lectur-
ing.
This accession were very brilliant
Japanese society to include all mem
bership of Japanese Thinking So
ciety also Hon. Benjamin FRANKLIN
Washa, famous manufactured OF
wave-length progroms. When ar
rive up to Miss Furioki house l could
hear noise of sound going simullar
| to this: "Wump--wump-r-r
Nextly on progrom will be Sir Jno
Mccormick. famus Irish tenortone
in My Old Irish Whee-ee-ee W
awk! :"
Then pound-pound from planna
could be distinctually heard while
that melted tone of Mccormick COM
mence:
MY Old Irish we-e-e-e-e!
My Old Irish z-Z-Z-Z-z"
Husband holla Hon. Mamie Flu
rioki, "if you would not be SO selhsh
and stop setting on the statick maybe
| we all could get 1000000$ worth OF
music without paying 1c.'
II are tired of music & harmony"
derive S. Wanda, Japanese Socialist.
Twist the dial around until you get
to Nebraska where we shall be sure
to find speech in the air"
| So Hon. Husband twist dial, what
came out? Sounds.
This is G.U.M.P. broadcussing from
Elderberry Falls. We will nextly
hear q lecture on How to Get Out
of Publick Life by Hon Gustavus P
! Elbow, nine times defeated for Con-
| gress on the Farmer Labor Ticket
Hon. Elbow has the air"
Noise of silence. Then out of the
| empty there come sound resembling
lions. tigers, hippopolomus & other
kinds of meat. Goshes, / never
heard so much manhood shooting at
me with his mouth.
"Feller sufferings," 1t commence,
Eve are here tonight to obtain my
| opinion which never before have
been given so much air. ] are going
to talk about myself. If you will
examine my records you will find l
| have never made cent In or out OF
| Office. Who else can say as muchly? ?
| / are a peculiar man & have always
I
! farmer. / Will tell you something
| have always noticed about America.
1t need a good man to run 1t. & are
such an One.
Great point about me are my fear
| BUSINESS. OF what are ! afraid from
Nothing or less. What do / care
about Hon. Andrew MELONS, for in
stancely? Let him stand up here &
answer my charges that he are friend
of the almightys Putt! If he
| should walk up to me at this in
stantly ! would shoot mudd in his
eye That are sort of bravada |
are. Also allow me to defy Hon.
| Kellogg, Sec of State, who know
less about Europe than 1 could tell
| him in four 60 minutes. He make
me sicker than the ocean. Also Hon.
Senator Borah are pretty small vege-
| tables while cumpared with me. II
he are looking me in the eye at this
! moment he must quale & shivyer.
| "Nussir, There are not man
| in publick life today worthy to
| fasten on my skates. What they
| lack are the stern couridge of our
annsisters Hon. Cal Coolidge some
| time awake up to veto bill, but
when were he ever brave enough to
Kill a grizzly bear with his teeth? l
|
Evening star., 1925-03-08
Politeness to Neighbors Like Dempsey,
One Secret of Long Life at Great Neck

the rabbit had evidently been ran
over by an automobile a few minutes
before the shuntsman brought him
down.
1t looks like laws would half to be
past to preserve our game or the next
thing you know Great Neckers will
be obliged to go elsewhere for their
sport. Already some of our nimrods
is complaining and those that takes
dog along with them when they
hunt has been known to get SO des-
perate by nightfall that they have
shot down the dog. The fur is used
for motor robes and the bark for
chair bottoms.
Officials of the railroad company
have noticed that lately the evening
express trains home from the city has
been pretty near empty, whereas the
locals has been filed to overflowing.
The officials believe that the COM
muters has found that the express
trains don't give them quite time
enough to finish the crossword puz-
zle before they are home and the Mrs.
snatches the paper out of their hand.
That is about all the Great Neck
news except that the undersigned had
operation and was laid up in the
hospital pretty near wk. and nobody
seem to care a naughty letter word.
Evening star., 1925-03-08

age to pass the 40 mark and be so
vigorous. Well friends they amt no
secret about 1t. I have always either
eat or drink meals per day being
careful to stick to the same kind of
food or drink during each meal. / did
not begin smoking till I was nearly
10 yrs. old and have often had spells
of limiting myself to so or so ciga-
rettes per day to see If / really could
cut down. I have always made 1t a
pit. to go to bed at lease once in Q
or 8 days unless they was something
Evening star., 1925-03-08

THE presidential inauguration of
Calvin Coolidge. who was once
the Governor of Massachusetts,, has
occasioned the observation that
more than one-third of the Nation's S
Chief Executives have been State
governors before they were elevated
to the presidency. OF the % men
who have occupied the White House,
IL were ex-governors.
New York leads the other States
of the Union in this respect. havtng &
had three governors-Martin Van
Buren,, Grover Cleveland and Theo-
dore Roosevelt--who later became
Presidents.
Three other States each had two
men who served them as governors
previous to their election to the Of
flee of President. They are: Ohio.
Rutherford B. Hayes and William Nc
kinley; Tennessee, James X Polk and
Andrew Johnson, and Virginia, John
Tyler and James Monroe.
Woodrow Wilson stepped from the
gubernatorial chair of New Jersey to
the White House, while Calvin Cool
idge went from the soverporship OF
Evening star., 1925-03-08

from the office. been wanting long
time to have you out, welcome to
our city.
Anybody would of thought he was
just human instead of the boss, and
right away / felt at home and about
to enjoy myself. And also, right in
a flash 1 seen one thing clear. 1t
aIn't books that gives you good man
ners, and nothing can learn you true
kindness of heart, which is all the
etiquette any person really needs.
(Copyricht 1881
Evening star., 1925-03-08

the friend, but the latter at first could
think of no way to aSsist.
Then she rem embered she had an