davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
BITS OF FACT

THE widespread interest taken in
i recent aerial expeditions to the
Arctic brings up afresh the ques-
ton Of the practical value Of Polar
research. The common idea that
such research has or has had n
purely sentimental value is very
far from the truth, because from
the earliest days Polar exploration
hos always had its value.
The first Arctic expeditions were
made for the purpose Of finding a
short cut to India, and although
they failed in this, they resulted
in the discovery Of the whole coast
Of North America. The voyages
of Barents, Hudson and their sue
cessors. opened up the northern
whale and cod fisheries and were the
making Of the great ports Of Hol-
land, and Of such important British
towns as Hull, Whitby, Dundee and
Peterhead.
Weather experts are becoming
more and more convinced that eli
matte changes in the Polar regions
are largely responsible for those
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

Mutter-Hello there Mr.. Num-
bic, you look worried.
Mumble-I ain worried. Thurs
day is Thanksgiving and i haven't
been asked out.
Mutter-That's easy, come over
to our house and we'll ask you
out.
Mumble-Don't be silly, you're
not going to have a turkey.
Mut.er-How do you know we're
not?
Mumble-Your butcher told me.
Mutter-He's not minding my
business
Mumble-Maybe not. but he's at
tending to his own.
Mutter-The last meat we got
from him, we couldn't eat.
Mumble-Why not?
Mutter-He wouldn't leave 1t.
Mumble-Was be afraid Of his
money?
Mutter-No, he was worried
about mine.
Mumble-Wbat's be asking for
his turkeys?
Mutter-Cash.
Mumble-I mean how does he
sell them?
Mutter-One at time.
Mumble-Certainly, but what do
they bring him?
Mutter-They don't bring him
anything, but he has bull dog that
brings him his slippers.
Mumble-Does he kill his own
turkeys?
Mutter-Sure. He'd get arrester
IL he killed anybody else's.
Mumble-Did 20 uever kill tur-
key?
Mutter-Yes, lots Of times.
Mumble-Is that so, 1 didn't
knew they could be killed more than
once.
Mutter-Do you mean to say that
you never had that experience!
Mumble-Of course not. I'm a
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

AS o. esvG- he Foreign
"A ssas Who invented the idea Of
narryins American girls for their
ac.W. vs0ts 1. his memoirs, The
Ssasoa w American ladies Is -
Asal q ~ ntled men from abroad,
= tAst Asy don't expect too much
froa - - when they don't get II,
Why thsy are not disappointed.
From American husbands they ex-
peet everything. an, when they get
It, there Is no thrill. Whereas with
~, why they know in advance we
viii be Just as true n $500 cor
net"
And how wise that crack was
come to me not so very long ago
when and George. that's my hus-
band, got TO talking about his fu-
ture, IL any. II all come up over
that Joe Bush Of the Hawthorne
Club buying his wife 4 new car.
1t was q dollhouse sports model, 4
stock special, and it had glass en-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

Red Grange they won't nobody get
away from him so he appointed the
old man chief Of police.
Illinois summers is generally al
ways unbcarnbly hot and people who
can afford a trip goes up TO the
lakes in northern Michigan and
Wisconsin to cool off. Grange amt
got that much money so he spends
July and August in an ice wagon.
This must Of been forgotten by the
guys that creased Franklin Field.
thinking Red couldn't do nothing if
it was slippery.
One Of my operatives once asked
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Mutter and humble
J. p. Medbwy------------

vegetarian and 1 don't believe in
killing n turkey.
Muttcr-You don't believe in kill
ing him?
Mumble-No.
Mutter-I should think you'd be
afraid.
Mumble-Afraid Of what?
Mutter-Thnt he'll fly off yolr
fork.
Mumble-I'm too tender hearted,
IL / owned fifty automobiles l
couldn't even kill an engine.
Mutter-I don't know whether
well eat at home or not, the peo-
pie next door are crazy to have US
come over to their house.
Mumble-Yes, they certainly are.
Mutter-We really ought to 60
because they're expecting us.
Mumble-How do you know they
are?
Mutter-I overheard them talk
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

in lower latitudes. IL we are ever
to be able accurately TO forecast
weather We must first have COM
plete knowledge Of the conditions
around the Poles. The past history
Of our earth is an important study,
and research in the far Northern
and Southern regions has already
added greatly TO our stock Of
knowledge in this direction. For
instance we have learned from the
fossils and coal deposits Of these
regions that they must once have
enjoyed a temperate, even and semi
tropical climate.
Thus both scientific and histori-
cal knowledge is advanced by pene-
trations toward the Poles, and an
industrial object is also apparent.
The coal resources Of Spitzbcrgen
are already being tapped and these
are small compared with the eight
hundred miles of thick coal seams
discovered in Antarctica. Seams
Of copper ore and gold have also
been found in the South Polar con-
tinent
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
The Daddy Catchei Red.

1t is customary to select more
than one for All-American honors
but dinner is nearly ready so suf-
flee it to say that the second team
plays VS.. the first team lots Of times
and when you play VS.. Grange you
generally get Inundated SO we will
leave the picking of the second team
to our host of readers to who sug.
gest they pick people they amt got
no use for, however I have often
thought that they WINS one man who
might stop Rcd and that is Volstead
Of MiTncY0+'. Look how easy he
stopped drinking.
Copyright, 1925, b. the bel lsyn., Inc,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Lardner Red Grange, for .:'All-American"'
Ring Lardner

Red IL being an Ice nan led sny-
thing to do with his success - q
back.
"No," replied Harold tseging ct
his walrus mustache, "the 3 sports
10 entirely different n yoa err
ried a football with tones, what
would happen to the hadderr
What?" asked the operative, whs
was hard Of hearing.
II said, what would AapDsa to
the bladderT repeated the Whea-
ton clown.
The writer has been asked ever
the radio to compare Oranges style
Of running with that Of Heston and
Mahan. Well, it always seemed to
me like Heston and Mahan got there
by straisht-arming and lodging and
knocking would-be tackles for q
ghoul. Red won't have nothing 10
do with them. He treats them Nike
strangers.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

Muttcr-Bccause she lied to me.
Mumblc--What do you mean, she
lied to you:
Mutter-She told me she wanted
to kill her husband.
Mumble-You're too ensy, now
they'll have turkey and you won't.
Muttor-I don't care, they won't
enjoy it. it's tough old bird.
Mumble-How do you know it's
tough?
Mutter-Becausc we kent II in
the same cage with the parrot.
Mumble-A man would have to
be smart TO steal nv turkey.
Mutter-YOu mean he'd have TO
be magician.
Mumblc--Don't get sarcastic, do
you know how many guests we fed
last Thanksgiving?
Mutter-Sure. half OF them.
Mumble-You never 20 away
from my house hungry, do you?
Muttcr-No. always have sense
enough to bring a couple Of sand
witches.
Mumble--Mv wife's cooking is
known all over town.
Muttor-Ycs. particularly among
the medical profession.
Mumblc-You didn't attend my
last dinner party.
Mutter-No. but / heard all
about it, you served steakE, didn't
you?
Mumble-Sure. what Of i'll
Mutter-I heard they were %
small that you were afraid to open
the window for fear they'd blow off
the plates.
Mumble-Well under the circum'
stances. Mr.. Mutter. / don't feel
that could ask YOU for dinner next
Thursday, and ] don't think that 1
could come over to your house
either.
Mutter-Tbst's fine Mr.. Mumhss,
it gives me two more thinss 10 h
thankful for.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

actly what j think says he. And
then the shock of agreeing perfect
ly for once, kept US silent for a
minute. But dear, / says at last,
II you break away from your pres
emit Job, what'l you do? Amt it
better as the old saying goes to
hold off on the old job until you
get shold of the new; What was
you considering changing TO?
GEORGES IDEA
George pulled q moment Of silence
while he improvised lifelong con-
viction, and then be says solemnly,
wen m'dear, / have always felt
strong inclination towards the Dill
pickle business. Ny father was
raised on the briny deep and my
mother WINS the salt OF the earth.
Yeh, says, and once you got pic
kled; that makes you qualify, okey.
But would your heart be in It? 1
wouldn't want you to make that
change unless your heart was in
your work.
Well, says Geo. my heart Is GER
tainly in dillpickles. But then, quite
to the other hand, / believe with
little capital / might do well in the
garage business. Yeh, ] says, do
Who? I think myself you might get
along good with q garage II only
you knew something about cars.
But on the other hand, IL you was
30 70 into that business somebody
might nisunderstand your motiva-
ton. Can you take down a motor;
And he says don't be absurd dear,
Of course l can IL somebody gives
me the number.
Well, ! says, ! got no doubt but
that you could make good in the
auto business, even IL car was
missing in both senses after you
was through with 1t. but do you
really want TO 90 into that? And
Geo. ssys no dear. not too far,
what else have you got 70 sug-
sestf How about real estate, ]
says. But that didn't appeal %
Geo. Suppose couldn't land any
body in that game, says be. And
what Is more. / don't know, and
/ don't care anything about good
deeds or tides. No, 1 gues the
Dillpickle business is best. Or l
might 90 into politics, he says, /
hear where there il q lot of money
in politics, If you only know how
to get it out.
Well dear, ] says, there are Ger
tainly plenty Of men with easy
Jobs in this world. and don't
know why you shouldn't be one Of
them; why just lookit that Joe
Bush, he hasn't ~ your brains,
and yet there he is. sales manager
Of the Pinochle Deck Co. which
furnishes practically all Of the
PinOehle Decks for the large steam
ship companies Of the world. He
sure has it easy, all he has to do
Is wear the mahogany finish often
his desk with the heels Of his boots.
Well, says Geo. II be can hold
AVN q executive Job like that why
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
TO the Editor:

~ tno Goieor'
In response to demands from
practically all over our yard ! will
take this occasion to make public
my All-American football selec-
tons for 1925:
FIRST TEAM.
q. Kitchell, Capen School, End.
A. Merrill, Chicago, Tackle.
X. Lardner (Capt.) Niles High,
Guard.
J. Lardner. Green Vale, Center.
E. Lardner, Smith, Guard.
B. Lardner, Great Neck, Tackle.
]. P. Lardner, Great Neck, End.
Grange, Illinois, Quarter.
d. Lardner. Great Neck, Halfback.
p. Zinscr, Great Neck, Halfback.
B. Kitchen, Great Neck, Fullback.
C0MICAL GAL AT END.
For the first time in the expert
snce Of myself It is a pleasure this
year to pick an All-American team.
As soon as you have chose Grange
and q center to pass him the ball
you don't need or want no more
football players and can take ad-
vantage Of the opportunity to fill
out the other positions with rela-
tives and congenial friends.
]. Lardner, who have selected
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

fire to Georges voice made me set
Up and take notice. 1 also took the
ash tray out Of his way in case it
proved to be a bad attack Of elo-
queuce. But it was so true what he
said about him shaving away for
unappreciative company and me
shaving away for him, that kinda
caught the fire my own self, per-
sonally. That's true George, / says,
a man hadn't ought to stay In a
rut too long, ! says, If he is ever
going to get out and do something
for himself, why the time to act Is
before 1t Is too late. That's ex-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

ing this morning and they said they
wished We weren't coming.
Mumble-Then why do you go?
2iuttcr-Bccause We made n mis-
take and furnished the turkey.
Mumble-What do you mean. You
made Il mistake and furnished the
turkey?
Muttcr-We forgot to lock the
hen house.
Mumble-Thcy didn't steal it, did
they?
Muttcr-No, they just borrowed It
owe: Thanksgiving.
Mumble-Thcy're rather ncrvy
neighbors, aren't they?
Mutter-Yes, knew there was
something funny when they came
over and borrowed our axe.
Mumble-Who borrowed the axe?
Mutter-Shc did
Mumble-Well, why did you let
her have it?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Americas Only Woman Humorist
Jennie and Geo. Decide the Old Pay
Check Looks Good After
All.

can't II / certainly feel that l
could do the work Of some of our
most prominent men as good as
they can. Lookit Dawes, now. Can
he smoke a pipe any better than
l can? should say not! / been
making a great mistake, staying on
a salary basis all these yrs. the
way / have, it's time l made a
change. And / says, as soon az you
make change for a fifty dollar bill
without due notice in advance dear,
you will be where 4 man Of your
talents had oughter be.
Well, having heard this, Geo.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
IAN be has got to do is keep on saying mo-"

got up out of his chair and proved
his chest expansion to me. Then
having lit a alleged cigar, he set
down again with the air of grant
ing me a interview. You are quite
right my dear, he says, l am GER
tainly able to fill the positions
ahead of me il only the shoes was
vacant, I only want to be sure Of
taking the right step. Often and
often / have thought / should be
in the banking business. Lookit
the easy time a bank pres. has.
All he has got TO do is try and
wear out the seat Of solid mahog-
any desk chair and keep on saying
mo to struggling young business
men who are struggling to get lit
tie money. All I need 10 70 into
that game is some one to finance
me for a coupls two pants suits,
because with all that setting 1
would certainly use them up the
first coupla months.
SOMETHING BIG!
Hot Bozo! / says. l would sure
like TO see you earning me a closed
car. / am tired seeing you come
home nights without anything extra
on you except a few cinders off the
five fifteen. Go ahead dear, / says,
go into something big and I GER
tainly will stand behind you. II only
10 catch he remains. Well, says
George, / have thought GONE about
the moving picture business. Some
times when / have set and watched
a few Of them bathing comedies ]
have felt where I was missing my
vocation and a whole lot beside. ]
guess II is pretty easy 10 sit On the
beach and tell them one-piece bath
ing suit models where they get off,
and there is money in il. TOO. And
] says no dear. ! feel the moving
picture business is altogether too
risky, l favor the Dillpickle idea
way above it.
And dear, l says 10 him, movies
or not. when you take this step, Of
leaving your job, it had ought TO be
with the right direction. Just make
up your mind what you really want
TO do. and l will make up my face
and show it to the world. count on
me.
DREAMS. SWEET DREAMS.
Well, after this. ] and Geo. went
70 bed in our duplex reinforced,
guaranteed Dreamless double sleep
er, box-spring extra, the both Of US
carrying into Sunderland such stuff
fling as dreams are made OF. as the
poet says. we having ate consider
able Of the same together with ap-
propriate roast chicken at dinner.
You know what ] mean. It was one
Of them high, exalted moods when
a person feels ike they can lick the
world. fate cannot harm me, have
dined today. In other words we had
a big decision decided and that was
that.
We even had a hangover Of our
big resolve next morning, and when
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

blondes, five brunettcs and one
doubtful.
Now a word or 2 in regards to
Grange himself. He is a native of
Wheaton, Ill. and it seems that a
few yrs. ago the mayor of the town
was leaning from his dormer win
dow and seen Red come running out
of the house with some fresh dough-
nuts and his daddy after him and
the daddy catched Red and relieved
him of the doughnuts and the mayor
says to himself well il he can catch
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

closed seats, a ons-pieee windshield
wiper, ssmi-dirisiSls trss, four
wheels and q brake. and was In
every way quite the berries.
When / seen It WHY naturally !
had to at once throw 1t at Geo. In
a nice way Of course, on account /
don't ever want TO reproech my hus-
band with the fact be amt a Rock
eyfeller which he amt, the nearest
he ever come to being a member Of
that family is that his cousins are
the w.k.. Stonybrokes. But any
ways, naturally when that Mabel
Bush trundled out the new bus and
rubbed it right under my nose, /
couldn't help but speak Of II TO my
meal-guarantor in no unmistakable
.>rms. In fact the terms was all
cash. no credit.
ANOTHER DEBT CONFERENCE
Say George Jules. says, believe
you me. i get no kick AZ all out Of
seeing that woman floating around
in perambulating greenhouse,
fitted up with steam heat, radio,
etc. while all we got ia our open
faced, ses-going tin Hxzy, 1 says.
Why on earth don't you buck up
and make little real money SOS we
can have something besides access TO
the. public library? I'm sick and
tired Of never settins ahead Of any
thing but my bank account.
Well. 10 ny surprise Georr.
didn't pull his regular line shout
well IL yos would spend less W.
would say. more, and etc Instead,
be lsysd down the evening paper
where he had been sadly reading
the comics. and he talked TO ma
real earnest D'you know Jennie,
be saga. / have been thinking a
whole et lately about that very
thing, he ssyh Here ] an going
, on towards forty, he says, and I
am not getrnr where 1 osght %
-
WAGE SLAVE REBELS
] tsd vhss perhaps j amt DO
hs ~ night thing In my own best
fntsrsso 10 Keep sticking By the
Great American Buttonhole Co.
year sktx rear. OF course they
are Q dns spnssrn and undoubtedly
turn est Eers, and emptier button,
holes per snnum then any other con-
Germ al the kind. he says, but by
jovei be says smashing mis- fist
down on the perfectly innocent arm.
chair, where do ! ret Off What's
IL offering ne for the future? I've
gone n high 10 ] can in that con-
cern- Old Klippenhauser is q per
fectly good general manager, he's
liable 20 stay there forever, and be-
sides. hes got stock In the com
pany. BY gollies, I've a good mind
20 break away and set up for my
self in something. I'd like TO get
. business Of my own, something
easy. With mors money in il. where
wouldn't have &c work 20 hard.
and have At the same time q real
future.
Well. Hot BOsol There Wss o
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
I Have Appointed Myself Captain.

for center, plays that position with
the Green Vale team at Glen Head,
Longs Island, and can pass the
ball pretty good, which is all that
is necessary. He has got a good
head and would never make the
mistake of passing the ball to any
of the backs except Grange. no.
ticed in the NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
game that the Orange and Blue
center slipped up on several occa-
sions and passed TO Britton, Green
and Daugherty and wasted a good
deal of time as these 3 men would
stop after they had went 4 or 3
or 20 yds. whereas Grange consid-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Galaxy of Great Neck Stars Are Sc
lected by Writer for Football
HOnOrs.

cred that he had been throwed for
a loss if he went less than IL the
lenth of the field.
]. Lardner knows the other backs
on my team too well to pass to
them. One of them is his brother
David, 6 yrs. of age, while Miss
Zinsser and Miss Kitchen is also
about that old and have been Sc
lected because they are in David's
class at Great Neck Preparatory
School and would keep him from
getting bored during the times
Grange was away somewheres with
the ball. However, to make insur-
ance doubly sure as they say, l
would insist on the team being
learned only one signal, namely u
which means Grange.
i have appointed myself captain
Of this eleven rs a token Of respect
for age. The madam is placed at
the other guard as it has been re-
ported that she feels hurt at not
being mentioned when / am in the
throws of giving the family a little
publicity. The Lardners at tackle
and end are the other two Riddles
and while they both play football
themselfs they promise that they
would not attempt to stand in
Oranges way was he to come
through their side of the line.
D. Kitchell, who I have placed
at the other end is a sister-in-law
of mine that married one of the
Kitchell boys. She is a nice gal
to have along on a party like this
on account of the comical remarks
she makes sometimes sending the
crowd into an uproar and keeping
them there. Like for inst. the last
time i seen her she said, "What
does that expression mean, so is
your father'?" Beside her at tackle
l have put Alice Kitchell Merrill
as they both live in Evanstown, ILL.,,
and are sister-in-law to one an
other and get along pretty good and
during the lulls in the game they
could set down somewheres and dis
gust Evanston social life.
RING IGNORES OPPONENTS.
It is hardly necessary to point
out that four or five OF these play
ers would find football something
of a novelty, but seven Of them
can play the piano, six with both
hands and two pretty good, more
over the guards, one end AMI one
tackle could get up n bridge game
and let Grange cut in which they
say is one Of his specialties though
the day seen him, Mt Philadel-
phia, he either went through the
middle or way outside. The team
would be we'll balanced with five
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

Copyright. 1875. by Republic synd. Inc
Evening star., 1925-07-19
CrOSs.Stribe
Curtains
Csc Pair

Two sides and a center val
ance, all fringed. Snowflake
effect with contrasting cross
stripes.
Evening star., 1925-07-19
'| 1I||||||||||l(| |
I6Asse1, ,AGKT y
szNzHHyllaE
EzSV-TSsSM
! TcSal = LIE

A large variety of colors,
styles and patterns suitable for
every use. Draperies, covers,
scarfs, laundry and shoe bags,
etc.
PaIais Royal-Second Floor
Evening star., 1925-07-19
During This July Clearance Sale. Prices Greatly r
$500 18-Piece Beverage Set
Sale Price, $1.40

Consisting of iced tea tumblers, 6
water tumblers and grape juice tum-
blers: decorated with Grecian kew border
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-04
LOCAL TOPICS

| Mrs. Madeline Brennan, who. conducted a ladies wear estab- lishment here last year, return ion the Watson from visit in he South.
 Mrs. w. s, Atkins, Mrs. Harry Tanner and Master .'Buster's Scott were outgoing passen- gers on the Prince Rupert Thursday. Mrs. Atkins is pro- ceeding to New Westminster, 5. c. where she expects to re- main for a short time before proceeding to her home in Eng land. n 3 ta
 Mrs Tanner will make a short stay in Vancouver to en- able Buster" to visit his fath-t CT, who is at present confined to one Of the hospitals there. Later on they will go to- &c., a.tle for visit Of, two months or so. -lai
 ;. K. Green and Mrs. Green, We're south ~Jund passengers .3f v-lv 4~a.g-rg lhursday.
 Arrivals from the upper val hey during the past week re- ported the trail in the worst
 o5Sible condition as a result ol the heavy snow fall. Team crafLic between Hyder and the Premier was practically sus- pended for some days.
 The international Boundary Roadhouse, at 13 Mile, operat- ed by Mrs. Helen Bell, was
 IL ed to trade Monday by U. s. Deputy Marshal McDon- i'd under 8 temporary re-
 -r4ln.ns 5I1-r issued by the District Court at Juneau and based on alleged infractions of he dry laws.
 J Fred he president of the lndian Mines company, was
 T arriVsl from the South on
 he Grand Trunk Thursday and left Friday morning for the Indian mine.