The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1925-03-20
KID SELVES
FIRST, He
AYERS
Greatest Believers in World.
New Bureaus to Meet
Evils" of Old Ones
Bv WILLIAM HARD.


lid the public, let US now per-
form the same fearless, but not
too serious, service for the Pro-
gressive.
The Progressives are the most
sincere of all our political bunk
artists. You sometimes meet a
Republican who knows when he
is kidding. You sometimes meet
q Democrat who knows when he
Is kidding. A Progressive never
knows it. He kids himself first.
A Progressive is q fellow who
can stand up and say:
'Every bureau in the Federal
Government is rotten. think We
ought to have another bureau"
Must See MonopoIies.
A Progressive is a fellow who
can see one OF the five big packing
firms so bankrupt, another get so
weak that it has to seek refuge in
. merger, and third stagger so
violently as virtually to ruin its
owner, and who can see the small
more money on their investment
than the big packers, and who
nevertheless can say and think:
'sThe packing trust has the
country by the throat
In order to be a Progressive you
have to believe that there il always
q monopoly and that there always
must be new Federal bureau to do
something abont Il.
You must also believe. that the
monopoly" controls the Govern
ment.
You must be able to see the Con-
gress enactink legislation for ruling
and regulating and supervising the
packers and the stock-yards and
you must yet be able to say and
think:
The stock-yards' interests con-
troll the government.
IN order to believe these things,
In order to believe that there is q
monopoly in everything, and that
fl1s monopoly controls the Govern
1nent, and that there must be a
new Federal bureau about it, you
have to be some believer. A Pro-
gressive is. Therefore, there is
nothing that can be done about him
except listen TO him.
Climax on Believing.
He puts a climax on it all by
almost invariably believing that
when you do get a new law and a
new bureau to regulate a mon ,poly.
why, the monopoly goes and gets
control OF the administration Of the
new law and the operation of the
new bureau.
For instance, progressive be
neves that the stock yards inter
ests control the administration OF
and the operation of the new stock
yards control bureau in the De.
partment of Agriculture.
You would think this would make
. progressive Respondent.
II the only way to cure a monop'
oily is to have new bureau and
II the monopoly then always goes
and owns the new bureau, where
are you?
A progressive. however, is never
respondent. AS fast as a monopoly
gets control of the bureau which
u to regulate 1t. he goes ahead and
finds a new monopoly for which he
can establish new bureau.
One Bureau Ahead
A progressive is always one bu
Teau ahead of the monopolies.
prncxr0aciCn@ -, To-
state Commerce Commission. The
Interstate Commerce Commission
was going to fix the railroads by
regulating them.
Now progressives say that thG
railroads control the Interstatt
Commerce Commission.
So now they want a new Govern
mental board which will own anC
operate the railroads.
But this board, in time, will b,
controlled by the big bankers o.
New York.
The Federal Reserve Board is
according to the progressives.
So. therefore, also the new board
which is to operate the railroads
will be.
Then we shall have a newe,
board to control the bankers ant
prevent them from controlling the
board which is operating the rail
roads.
But the bankers will gain pos
session of this newer board ans
use II for their own purposes.
Appeal For Offices.
Then the ProgressIves will hav,
20 appeal to hte people to pu
them in office 20 that they cal
watch the bankers who are tryiai
70 control the board organized t.
prevent the bankers from con
trolling the board which controli
the railroads.
Bflt the psople never elect thu
pFGNFsesIvss 20 office.
TfssYsf0Ts the T'rogTessives spent
81 their time creating new bureaus
- - operated ~ their enemies 10
Dsre<,sNe which the Progressive
nj w7Y6n they started the bureaus
~ tfsS ordinary Hsan this Nigh
a<hA4 ~ - so sSTt Cf life.
6Sss m sSssa 80 70 the Progress
ef1Ass
TkS ptbEfs<si2ss are the mos
eSNNfy Af,H NfsAfffS4d Bsrs1fs living
~ bk5giA hsvef put them int,
1lE<k, int Trey l5Vs the people.
RI EfsS peSpfs rule" gay they