The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-06-04
SMILIN' THRU
BY GEE SEE
WHERE BONNY LIES


My Bonny lies over her birthday
My Bonny lies over her age;
And if you refer to her childhood
She always flies into ragel
Bring back! Bring back!
Oh bring back my Bonny's
lost youth, lost youth!
Bring backl Bring backl
Oh bring back each long missing
tooth!
If you want to compliment an I'M
married woman in Germany, just
call her MRS" Cor in the Ger
man translation, "Frau.")
There are so many more women
than men in that country since the
war that there aren't enough hus-
bands to go around. So the best
substitute for their single cussed-
ness is to call them "Mrs."
But we can't help wondering if
they also relish having their real
ages made public.
AS Doc. Williams would say,
"Well, even if they aren't married,
it's very likely they ought to be-"
Several interpretations can be
placed on that; you can apply the
one you prefer.
You Can't Keep Doc. Down
A tall friend Of Doc. Williams
was relating how he had banged
his head against the top of a
door. He said it had nearly knock
ed him out.
an that case" Doc. flashed back,
81 suppose it might have been said
that you went into a trance (om)!"
s%e+ss
In the Yanktown, S. d. schools re-
Gently some examination questions
were answered as follows:-
HARRY THAW is a u. S. Sena-
tor from South Dakota.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN is the
man who invented the automobile
by that name.
The plural for Miss Brown is
MRS. Brown.
And it might be reasonably sup
posed that they would say that
New Jersey is a recently knitted
sweater.
Or that Ethyl Gas is popular
brand of happer applesauce.
Also that Rum Runner is a
crippled man.
And perhaps that Bootleg hootch
is naughty dance associated with
f. the Hoochi Coochi.
x4*+s&
Atlantic City officials, Tin order
to get some free publicity, Of which
this is part,) recently announced
that feminine bathers may appear
on the beaches there without stock
ings.
That means there'll be boom in
the safety razor business in Allan
tic City.
The solid rubber frying pan is
awarded the Pelican" magazine OF
the California University, for the
most original CD joke. A man re.
ported to his wife that he had paid
the last installment on the plumb.
ing bill.
"Thank goodness!" she replied. 81
can now take a bath with a clear
conscience"
'Breathes there a soul so dead
DIR. Yandell Henderson recently
informed the Academy of Sciences
in Washington:--"If you would
quickly sober up an intoxicated man,
compel him to breathe rapidly. When
| this is done, in the course of half an
hour or so, the extremely soluble
alcohol in his system will have
disappeared"
s+.*&s
DR.. Henderson makes no charge
for this prescription to the ninety
some odd million people in this
dry CD United States.
%%*%+%
But who can compel" a drunk to
breathe rapidly?
1t would be like the genial soak
who was urged to drink sarsaparilla
when he felt he was becoming in
toxicated
"But I can't shay s-s-s-sashfrilly
when I'm becoming intoxshicated!'
*%*sAs
Wen all have to get drunk so
as to try out the recipe.
Proving That He is A
Vindictive Balloon
Bill Bryan is employing all the
old tricks of the Inquisition in his
persecution of the teacher who
taught the science of Evolution in
Tennessee school.
What greater proof would you
want of his baboon ancestry?
sssses
There was an old geezer named
Bryan
Who tried to roar like a lyan;
But his funny carcass
Proves him only an ass
Whom sensible folks can't relyan.
Naughty Naughty!
The Chicago Board of Education
has issued an edict that school
teachers in that city must be "well
and suitably attired." The edict goes
on to say, "This means that skirts
will have to be few inches loosen
and a HANDSBREADTH longer"