The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-02-19
SMILIN' THRU
BY GEE SEE
"NIGGER, ALL YO'
SAYS is WORDS!
BUT DEY DON'T
MEAN NOTHIN'."

SIoth
Into his crossword lair;
I've bagged the emu and the gnu
And tanned the Trogan mare:
I've captured sundry ohms and
orts,
The ergs and ekes as well;
I've prodded them with pencil
spears
Into each crossword cell.
But they are only empty words,
With accent on the cross;
For I've concluded they are but
A bunch of apple sauce!
ssss4s
It's funny how you get hold of
one of these crossword concoctions
that was evidently made up by a
raving maniac in the lunatic asylum
and swear you'll never touch an
other one, only to find yourself sud-
denly engaged in searching for
three-letter word meaning boob in
new puzzle.
When you get hold of a nut
house product whose key words are
all like "a myrtraceous tree of
New Zealand" in three letters, you
look it up in Webster's Unabridged
and find that there are 81 varieties
of mytraceous trees, then you are
in a mood to kill the boob who CON
cocted the puzzle.
But you refused to be licked, and
determine to finish the darned thing
just to show that you can. But
after that you'll be *!%&-?i if you
ever attempt another one!
%x*@*+
Then after you've finished it you
feel so coeky you just know that
they can't make them too hard for
you, and the next thing you know
you are struggling with another puz-
zle that ought to qualify the author
for admission to the nut house.
If you haven't been enlisted in
the ranks of the "nutty intelligent
zia" don't be foolish enough to
admit it. For if you haven't ever
chased three-letter word meaning
an extinct bird you are dumb
ignoramous.
For altho Lambertville and New
Hope escaped the Nah Jongg craze
they've been hard hit by cross-w words.
ss&s4s
Editor White, of Emporia, Kans.,
the man who set out to lick the
X. X. X. and got licked himself, re-
fused to have anything to do with
crossword puzzles. He wouldn't have
them appear in his paper.
And as retaliation for it one
of the Emporia fans, Cor several of
them,) have stolen his dictionary,
his Bible and his Concordance, ac-
cording to an article in the New
York Tribune.
Mr.. White has this to say about
1t: "a man who will steal a die
tionary is enterprising, and there
is some hope for him. A man who
will steal concordance is a hair
hung and breeze-shaken sinner who
is dancing on the sulphurous fumes
of four-letter word meaning Of
tawa, kans. But human billy goat
who will calmly walk off with the
Bible for no nober reasons than to
aid in solving crossword puzzles has
vacuum where his brains were,
garbage can where his heart was,
and is also cross between a five
letter word meaning civit cat and a
hghting word meaning number
of things"
News dispatches from Paris re-
! port that the crossword craze has
reached that centre of wine, women
and song. But Bengium beat Paris
to 1t by a week. In Belgium the
newspapers offered prizes for solu-
tons, and the authorities stopped
the contests by ruling that they were
violations of the antilottery law.
IL that law were applied in this
country all the newspaper owners,
(wiht few exceptions) would be
sent to Jail.
/
Prof. Charles G. Shaw, of New
York University, say that cross
word puzzles appeal to the curl
osity instinct in humanity. "Fondness
for mystery" he says. "whether
in thing or words, nature or lam
guage, is as old as the hills" And
1t is this instinct that makes an
otherwise sensible man sit and chew
his pencil trying to find two-let-
ter word for a Hawaiian bird that
turns out to be an TAO"
The thought has just occurred to
us that perhaps Daniel was the
FIRST crossword puzzler when he
read the handwriting on the wall
of Nebuchadnezzar's palace.
+%ss%%
Down in Philadelphia it is report
ed that the keepers at the Zoo are
Kept busy answering the phone to
hear such questions as, "Can Won
give me the name of neurological
bird in three letters beginning with
RI" Wv"
"surel It's a ROC replies the
keeper.
Then another wants to know a
three-ietter word for bulky Aus
trailan animal which turns out to
be the YAK.
%x&aAa
In London the craze has reached
such an extreme the newspapers
IN the public libraries are monopo-