The Washington times. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1902-1939, 1925-08-15
with The
[Alibi Artists
Chances for Funerals
Many Under New
Pedestrian Con-
troll System
Corner Whiting
Puzzles
By DONALD McDOUGAL

we stopped in at the Traffic
Directors office yesterday SOS
to get first.hand information on
how the new pedestrian control
plan works.
Our idea was to null over the
plan, after we got 1t through our
skull--to let it sort OF mature in
the wood, so to speak, and then
serve it up In the Alibi Column.
But we're not going TO do 1t,
because we cant seem to get the
plan straight. 1t looks to III as
though there was q good chance
for the pedestrian to get slammed
by car running around the
corner.
OF course we must be wrong in
that, which means that we don't
understand the scheme, so were
not going to comment on 1t.
We're like the deaf old lady
when her granddaughter's new
beau was introduced
Grandma, this is Mr.. Pashoo.
SIKH"
"Who?"
mfr. Pashooshki.
Whats the name?"
"Pashooshlxi - Mr.. Pashooshki."
well, / dec1are--I can't under
stand at all. 1t sounds just like
you said Pashooshki."
Chances For Nudging
The pedestrian control scheme
sounds like there's chance of
getting nudyed when you step off
the curb.
You can move with traffic all
you please, but one OF these
snappy drivers is likely to spin
around the corner like a whirl.
ing dervish and land on your
gizzard for q coroner's jury roll
call.
The AIibi Columns prosperity
depends on the number of read
ers 1t has, and we don't want to
;. advertise anything that may lose
some of 'em for us.
When you look real close at a
two-street intersection, you find
there's twenty.four traffic fac
tors to consider in devising a
crossing control scheme.
There's two streams at each cor
ner-one north.and-south stream,
and one eAst-and-west stream,
and there's four corners, 50 that
makes eight factors; then there's
right turn possible at each cor
ner and that makes four more.
or twelve: then there's the same
number Of left turns, which
brings the total SO far up to six
teen, and there's two lines of
pedestrians-one coming and one
going-at each Of the four sides
of the intersection, or eight ALI
together, which gives a grand
total of twenty-four.
Funerals i'm Offing
II any one OF those twenty-four
factors is overlooked, a funeral
may be the result. We've
checked up on the scheme and
find that several of those factors
are not accounted for-that is, as
we understand the scheme. No
doubt we understand 1t wrong,
and that's why we're not trying
to explain it.
We're not a very resourceful
writer, and we find 1t practically
impossible to explain a thing un-
less we understand it ourself.
We've seen people who could do
it, but we haven't got the knack.
The directors office is working
on a plan that will account for
all the twenty.four factors, and
expects to have 1t finished about
the middle of next week.
But the part that's completed
now goes into effect next Monday
morning at o'clock.
Purely from motives of self
interest, and with an eye to main
tanning it's circulation, the Alibi
Column suggests that you move
with traffic, per instructions; that
you keep sharp lookout ahead,
a constant vigil to port and star
board. and be especially watch
full of what happens astern.