davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-02-01

loCy. Mental Illness some more.
This are very bad disease, but what
!zzit?
NO. T.
Please picture in your mental minds
the Throne Room in a \. 7. Hotel.
A Russian Grand Duchess are being
crowned as Zarina or Grand Exalted
Smilax Of y. Y. 500. It cost every
body 1000s for kiss her right hand Il
sian Relief. It will be still greater
Russian relief when Hon. Cd. Duchess
get home with money.
NO O.
Mr.. zero a Phil & Tropical Person
Of y. Y. go all over BUwery for col
leCt bombs Cor tramping hobowsD
who got no place sleep in cold
weather. When he collect ! or
hundred Of Those he take them all
to a church & walk in 'Ouches"
holla Hon. Clergy, I never saw such
large congregation with so many
kinds Of bugs They have came
here TO sleep explain Hon. Zero.
Others have, and l have went right
on with sermon, dictate Hon. Preach.
NO. C.
IS knocks broke, ~ brains mis-
placed, % legs disassociated in Chi
cago last week by persons running to
get prizes from COrSS Word Puzzle
Contest. log deaths in n Y. alone
from drinking gin distinctually
labelled Pre- War (persons should be
more careful of labels hereafterly)
and IN Ashtabula 222 small boys was
spanked by machinery for -
= 4
EsI SAY old felIa" Those words
float from Hon. Prof Butter who
were there to lecture, how much
longer VIII you linger with such
statisticks neither hither nor
thither? My purpose IN coming here
this evening We're to speech about
butterflies, birds & bugs"
You have spoken of the butter
flies & birds" I narrate 80 you will
please leave to me the bugs, because
know SO many"
Officer Mullighan, do yr duty"
holla Hon. Butter, and nextly I knew
I were slidden downstairs & inside
snow-bunk where / set feeling quite
broke.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly
HASHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright, 1921
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Outline Of Shakespeare Designed
For Busy People at Their Busiest

to initiate this. but could never quite
get it. Our attempt to call our friends
"Apar tment B, The Grosvenor," and
to say go to 1t. the Marlborough, Top
Floor No. c." has practically ended
in failure.
THE GREAT TRAGEDIES.
in hts mind an outline idea OF the
greatest of Shakespeare's tragedies.
This outline when reduced to what is
actually remembered by playgoers
and students is not difficult to acquire.
Sample:
HAMLET (not to be confused with
"Omelette," which was written by
Voltaire) e).-Hamlet, Prince of Den
mark, lived among priceless scenery
and was all dressed In black velvet.
He was deeply melancholy. Either
because he was mad, or because he
was not, Hamlet killed his uncle and
destroyed various other people, whose
names one does not recall.
The shock of this drove Ophelia to
drown herself, but, oddly enough,
when she threw herself In the water
she fioated and went down the river
singing and shouting. In the end
Hamlet killed Laertes and himself
and others leaped into his grave
until 1t was quite full when the play
ends. People who possess this accu-
rate recollection rightly consider
themselves superior to others.
n X *
CHAKESPEARE and comparative
literature. Modern scholarship has
added greatly to the interest in
| Shakespeare's work by investigating
| the sources from which he took his
| plays. 1t appears that in practically
all cases they were old stuff already
Hamlet" quite evidently can be
traced to an old Babylonian play
! called "Hum-Ldd." and this itself Is
! tragedy. The Life of William John
son."
The play of Lear" was very likely
| taken by S. from the old Chinese
| drama of 'Li-Po." while Macbeth,
| under skilled investigation of mod
ern scholars, shows distinct traces to
Scotch origin.
In effect, Shakespeare, instead OF
sitting down and making up a play
out of his head, appears to have rum
mayed among sages, myths. legends
archives and folk lore, much of which
must have taken him years to And
| PERSONAL APPEARANCE.
In person Shakespeare is generally
represented as having O pointed beard
and bobbed hair, with bald forehead
large wild eyes, a salient nose, a re-
| treating chin and q general expires
sion OF vacuity, verging on imbe
| cility.
SUMMARY.
The following characteristics o
| Shakespeare's work should b,
memorized: Majesty sublimity, grace
harmony, altitude, also scope, range
reach, together with grasp, compre
hension, force and light, heat ant
power.
Conclusion: Shakespeare was /,
very good writer.
lCopyrSht, 1a25l
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Great Neck Folks Get Thrills
Out Of Some Very Ordinary Doings

US not locking all our doors nights
as they say they's been a good many
burglaries up their way and in fact
the burglar scare had cost or s
lives in the last month and when
ast in regards to the details, they
said, that pretty near everybody IN
the county was a deputy sheriff and
carried a gun and whenever they
seen anybody outdoors after dark
they took a shot at them In the hopes
that 1t might be a burglar. So far
they amt been a case where these
hopes has been realized but If they
keep shooting long enough the luck
may change.
Great Neckers is complaining that
It amt L as much fun to visit Sans
barber shop as 1t use to be- Now
days the shop is always cIuttered up
with women folks getting their hair
re-bobbed or something and a man
not only don't feel like cussing or
telling risky stories but you cant
even expectorate without feeling kind
Of less majesty.
Evening star., 1925-02-01

so overcome by the sight that when
the chief asst him whose car it was,
who turned in the alarm, how the
car happened TO catch fire and what
number the house was, he replied l
don't know to all 4 questions and the
chief was overheard remarking to
his asst. that it certainly was an
education to meet q cartoonist.
4 X X x
A couple weeks ago they was a
n stray cow come onto our estate
and it was pretty near night and
Great Neck amt no place for a young
cow to hang around nights without
g. chaperone, SO we coaxed her into
our combination COW shed and ga
rage and milked her for all she had
which was ats. and give her a
nights lodging and the next A. NJ.
told the constable about It and pretty
soon the owner come to claim the
cow and he acted mad at US and did
not even say thank you and I guess
we was lucky he did not charge us
S44 for the milk but anyways the
next COW that runs away from home
seeking the thrills of Great Neck
night life can wind up in the gutter
as far as we are concerned.
Visitors from suburbs along the
Hudson in Westchester county ex-
pressed their amusement on acct. OF
Evening star., 1925-02-01

silly cracks or this will never be done
tonight.
Well, we figured so much for hair
cuts, so much for good will, then
come communication tickets, rough-on
rats. moth balls and gasoline for the
car. Then Geo. tapped his teeth with
his pencil a minute and added so
much for bird seed, so much for cleo
trio lights, so much for the ashman's
usual Christmas present, SO much for
Insurance, so much for fire crackers,
marmalade and SO much for good
measure.
Well, by then it seemed like we
probably hadn't overlooked anything
and Geo. commenced adding up the
cash total telling me to hush please
every time I commenced to speak. but
rudely iuterrupting my reading his
own self every few minutes TO say
how much Is II and %, or 3 and G?
Well anyway, after while Geo.
got through muttering and sputter-
Ing TO hisself and etc and he says ou
la la. that's fine, I've done 1t, Then
he set back in his chair the way any
husband does which is about to de-
liver a ultomato.
Say Jennla, have you really got the
first idea of what this budget is all
about? he says.
And says sure, got the nrSt luea,
but probably not the last, nor you
haven't either. The first idea appears
to be that we are trying to make the
spending OF your income even easier
then 1t Is already, / says.
Nix, says Geo. at once, quite to the
opposite. Living on a budget is the
only sensible way for people IN mod
crate or other circumstances, he says.
and having one Is much the same as
going on q diet-a financial diet, see
You allow yourself whatever is neces-
sary and then don't spend one cent,
| only what the budget calls for, he
says.
Hot Bozo! I says, that's a great
idea. Geo. did you invent it, And
he says no, I guess Adam did, he
probably figured how Eve could per-
fectly well dress on one fig leaf day,
but history don't record how It
worked out.
| r. 4
WELL, says. I can see that bud
w getting Is a practical plan, but
we spend pretty near everything you
make right now. don't see where It's
conner make a big difference.
That's just where you are wrong,
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Copyright, 1881
BY RING LARDNER.

BY RING LARDNER-
"O the editor: 1t is a long vile
since I give you any local
items in regards to Great
i Neck and other suburbs. Well
they amt much OF anything
happened only that the yuletide sea-
son is long since past and all the
presents We give the kiddies is long
since either broke to pieces or they
have forgot all about them except
the one present which we kind Of
hoped would be broke to pieces or
forgot about namely the radio. The
last radio we had was n kind of
nightmare as it did not work only
about once out of every 10 times.
This one works perfect all the time
and It is hard to tell which is the
worst nightmare.
Gene Buck and family is safely
sheltered in their new home which Is
kitty corner acrost the st. from
where they use to live. Their former
residence was what you might term
a sizable house but compared with
this one why the old domicile looks
like a humidor. From one end OF the
living rm. to the other in the new
Joint is a toll call and IL a guest set
ting at the far end OF the rm. wants
a ginger ale or something the ice
melts before the butler can get 1t
there even riding on q motorcycle. In
wet or cold weather Gene can get
his exercise without going to the golf
club by just walking Is times back
and 4th acrost the dining rm. and
back which one trip either way Is z
wooden shots and a pitch.
When asst for a exclamation why he
had boughten himself this little trim
ket Gene exclaimed that his other
place was not in keeping with the
present size of his family which Q
kiddies has been added to same in
the last yrs. If the Bucks ever ties
the undersigned in the matter Of Off
springs you can look for Gene to
move into the Yale Bowl.
X II X n
DURING a recent cold spell Dick
II >Dorgan the comical artist that
lives over in Bayside made up his
mind to drive to N Y. but discovered
his car was froze so he called up
the garage to come over and fix 1t
and they come over and got 1t started
and pored alcohol in the radiator and
the alcohol was too strong for the
rubber hose and after the garage boys
had left, the hose bursted and some
of the alcohol splashed VS.. hot spark
plug or something and any way when
Dick happened to look out the win
dow of his home the old bus was
| blazing up like q Pittsburgh blast
| furnace 80 Dick run down the cellar
and got a piece OF garden hose and
| attached 1t to spigot outside the
| house only to find out that the pipes
was froze. The next door neighbor
rushed to the rescue with one of these
! here fire extinguishers. 1t had about
! as much effect as prohibition and
| everybody was at lost what to do
| next when they was a big commotion,
and the new paid fire dept, appeared
| on the seen. They had the blaze
under control in time to save a pair
! pliers and couple hub caps and Dick
| says they looked so handsome in
| their new uniforms that he was more
| than repaid for the damage done
| to his car and 1t Is said that many
k.Hayside families Is planning to en-
Evening star., 1925-02-01

lowed spot for the educated tourist. It
is strange TO stand today in the quiet
street OF the little town and to think
that here Shakespeare actually lived
either here or elsewhere-and that Eng
lands noblest bard once mused among
these willows-or others.
WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE.
Our first mention must be Of the
sonnets. written probably, according to
Professor Matthews, during Shakes
burs life and not after his death. There
is haunting beauty about these SON.
nets which prevents us from remem-
bering what they are about. But for
the busy man of today it Is enough to
mention, Drink to Me Only With Thine
Eyes" Rock Me to Sleep, Mother"
''Hark, Hark the Dogs Do Bark Oh,
yes, quite enough. 1t will get past him
every time.
THE HISTORICAL PLAYS.
Among the greatest of shakespeare's
achievements are his historical plays
Henry I, Henry II. Henry III, Henry
w, Henry V, Henry VI. Henry VII and
Henry VIII 1t is thought that Shakes
peare was engaged on a play dealing
with Henry TX when he died. 1t is
said to have been his opinion that hav-
ing struck good thing he had better
stay with it.
There is doubt as to authorship of
mart or all, of some of these historical
plays. In the case of Henry V, for
example, it is held by the best critics
that the opening scene Goo lines) was
done BY Ben Jonson. Then shakespea are
Evening star., 1925-02-01

will, the same as with a child, or they
will get the better of you. II you feel
you got the strength, go TO II, on ac-
count If you live through the first year,
you certainly will be thankful you done
il.
But if you don't feel you have got
the will power, my advice to you,
Mabel, says, is kill it of while Il is
still too young to feel the pain, and
quit worrying. Just use a little common
sense about what you spend, be sure
and get your moneys worth, and
above all. get interested in owning
something big and valuable For a
whole lot of peoples ambition beats
budget. every time. says.
And after that I went on back home.
But now both l and Mabel thoroughly
understand just what a budget is
It's what gets any government admin
istration in wrong with the defeated
party!
(CoDyriKlt lA2S
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Lecture on Wild Life in America
StirS Togo to OrdtOricdl Flights
BY WALLACE IRWIN.

To Editor The Star, who will not
allow his fashion Page near Radio
Dept for fear 1t get too many per-
manient waves
~ EAREST SIR:-Last evening,
at that hour OF pm. when
dinner are eaten and washed
walkaway down Street
where j meet Cousin Nogt
amidst snowf1akes with overshoes &
Grand Dutchess Cyreen expression.
Going to lecture" he manipulate.
when If any?" 1 require.
Doing 80 now" he brizzle & show
me card with the following literature
on IT:
Tonight a Stickelfinger's Hall
Prof. p. G. Butter
Grand Lecture on
wild Life in America"
Free Ticket for 2.
"You wish go with me to this?" ne
gotiate Nogi & by his generous ex-
preston 1 knew something were
wrong with that Lecture.
How could I meet Wild Life with
out a shootgun or something on my
pocket" I ask TO know.
Relay on my protection, little
One" narrate Nogi and although 1
would not relay on him very muchly,
T.
There In Stickelfngers Hall I see
an appearance of much people every
where while Hon. Magic Lantern set
backwards, squirting light on sheet.
Everybody set around looking kind
of intensed, because they knew that
Lecture were Free & might end UP in
a Russian Relief or some other crime.
Pretty soonly one slightly diminu-
ated gentleman with Little Boy Blue
expression OF eyes & musstash come
out & commence speak.
"I.aze and Gentmen l come all these
distances for teach you Wild Life in
America because / have seen IL all q
know what it are about" 1 could
not think thatl He appear SO tame
& gentle. Howeverly, l listen. l
have wandered through the boshy
dells & happy honey tickle vine OF
woods s; with ado of Nature and
Camera have caught sweetish secrets
of fairyland etc.
Firstly I will show you a portrait
OF butterflies at play. Turn on cleo
tricity, Mr. McSweeny"'
Flashes There on sheet I could
distinctually observe Mother Butterfly
feeding corn1akes TO his caterpillar
while Mr.. Butterfly set by with legs.
This are delicious example of the
fypaperia nasticus which honts the
woods until It go somewhere else.
Look closer & see It's pretty ways.
By nature it are anthracite, by habi-
tat elastic"
When he said that I turn to my
Cousin Nogi & report with thickening &
in my voice, Now l can tell why this
| lecture are Free"
Shut up until II begins to get bet
ter" snuggest Cousin Nog!.
x X < X
PY that time Hon Prof Butter was
- talking onwards & onwards,
showing love song OF Katy Dds and
| Red Ants playing narbils. While
| talking he explain names OF every
Evening star., 1925-02-01
BY STEPHEN LEACoCK.

IFE OF SHAKESPEARE. We
do not know when Shakes
peare was born or where he
- was born. But he is dead.
From internal evidence taken
Uf his works after his death we know
fhat he followed for time the pro-
5ession of a lawyer, a sailor and
.crivener and he was also an actor,
g. bartender and an ostler His wide
4.yperienCe of men and manners was
probably gained while a bartender.
Compare. Henry Y. Act V. Scene
=. Say now, gentlemen, what shall
: ours be?'D
But the technical knowledge which
- evident upon every page shows also
the intellectual training of lawyer.
compare. Macbeth. Act VI Scene
a. What is there in it for me?'D
At the same time we are reminded by
snany passages of Shakespere's In
Timate knowledge of the sea. (Ro-
,aso and Juliet. Act VIII, Scene IA.
sHow is her head now, nurse?")
We know, from his use of English,
shat Shagsper had no college edu-
cation.
As an actor Shicksper, according
W the current legend, was of no
t.reat talent. He is said to have
eoted the part of the ghost and he
also probably took such parts as
Inter citizen, a Tucket sounds
DOG. barks, or u Bell is heard within.
Note. We ourselves also have been
b Tucket, Berl, a Dog and SO forth
.n our college dramatic days. Ed
In regard TO the personality OF
khakespere, or what we might call
su the language of the day Shakes
1Iere the Man, we cannot do better
than to quote the following excellent
analysis done, we think, by Professor
Gilbert Murray, though we believe
that Brander Matthews helped MN
q little on the side.
"Shakespere was probably a genial
men who probably liked his friends
and probably spent good deal of
time In probable social intercourse
lie was probably good tempered and
tasygoing with very likely bad
temper. We know that he drank
Compare Titus Andronicus. Act /,
Scene /, What is there TO drinkTD,
but most likely not TO excess. (Com-
pare. King Lear. Act II. Scene /,
"Stop!" and see also Macbeth. Act Y.
Scene 90 Hold. enough!) Shakes
pore was probably fond of children
and most likely dogs, but we don't
Know how he stood on porcupines.
we imagine Shakespeare sitting
among his cronies in Mitre Tavern,
foinlng- in the chorus of their prob
sDAO SoISS, anu NAoli4t-i5 @ ~ NbSAStO
glass of ale, or at times falling into
reverie in which 7he majestic pageant
OF Julius Ceasaf passes across his
Drooding mind"
X X
ITO this excellent analysis we will
L. only add. We can also imagine
him sitting any where else we like
that, IN fact, is the chief charm OF
Shakesperian criticism
The one certain thing which we
hnow about Shakespeare is that in his
VIII lie left his second best bed TO
bis wife.
Since the death of S. his native
kown-either Stratford upon Avon or
Eonewhers else-haS become q hal
Evening star., 1925-02-01

bug in Latin Greak & sometimes
Hebrew
"Nextly," he say So "we will come
to subjeck of Birds. What are more
sweetish than Birds for poetry & love
topicks? Nothing! Indeedly not!
What say Hon. Geo. w. Longboy.
Great Songster OF the Feathers, about
Birds? He say:
"I love them awful
When they fly.
love them more so
In a pie
And now, laze & Genmen, I will
show you a portrait of the Baltimore
kegtapper flying home TO its nest
with a young bum bIebee which it
have selected as a surprise to her
little ones. Shoot another picture,
Mr. McSweeney-and what have We
here? All! The Oregon browntan
wrench, counting her eggs at sunset
or even tied. Since eggs has gone up
to Ssc per doz she count them zee a
day. ="
Hon. Lecture say more kinds Of
Birds until finally he tell them all and
arrive to Fish. 1 listen with one eye.
The other one got stuck on itself try
ing to keep awake.
"Subjeck of Fish. laze & genmen,"
he confuse, ARE very important to all
who love Nature too much. Nature
show up lot of things to Science, by
golly. Did you ever set beside rus
tick horse-pond at m. (summer)
and count the number of mosquitoes
born in the U. S. every "a hours?
People knows SO little about fishes.
For instantly, who IN this aujence
knows the love-life of an eel? No
body, And L. S. Fish Hatcheries sta
t{sttcks shows us
I. = =
T find that was a good place to go
sleep on, so I close my brain &
| open my nose.
| Ouches.
1 awoke uply to feel where Cousin
Nogi have jahb a safety pin in my
hind lin or leg.
"SIr & Mr. Hon. Prof. Butter
were saying butterfly from stage,
| How you dare come here show all
| the horsepower of your nose while
kindly try explain Wild Life in
American
Wild Lifei" I yall, IT could show
you more Wild Life between here &
Finnegan's Bootleggery than you
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Perfumed Subways.

A PERFUMED subway VIII be the
latest boast of Paris, according
to a decision of the directors. Fol-
lowing hundreds of protests of bad
air and disagreeable odors, the un-
derground line has decided to install
a hygienic apparatus in stations and
cars, giving off a delicious fragrance.
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Base Ball Increase.

DURING the pest season the Ma
H. tional League used 43,22i base
balls, an increase of I,66S over 1929.
The New York club purchased the
greatest number. 1850, and Philadel-
phia the least, 3,450.
Evening star., 1925-02-01

tertain out of town guests hereafter
by setting fire to their homes SO as
the guests can get a close up of
the new dept.
Personly Mr.. Dorgan admits he was
Evening star., 1925-02-01

demands for more money each an
mum. we'll, we put her down at her
present rating, and then we figured
on gas and toothpicks until We re-
membered we don't use none any
more, and / stuck in hairpins and
Ice.
But Geo. cut them two items out,
on account he claimed where IL we
was TO really try TO econom!ze, we
could set the water outside and make
our own ice, and my hair. he says
is bobbed, and 1 says sure, that is
Just why hairpins is going to be
fixed charge, on account l use and
lose far more then ever before.
Then Geo. put ih a requisition for
tobacco, lodge dues and golf balls
You see, Jennie, he says to me. only
actual necessities had ought to go
onto a budget.
So I says alright, that's me. my
personal wants are few, just set me
down for a few thousand per annum
for clothes, and I'll let you buy me
my Jewels out Of the incidentals
money, that's about the kind l am
getting now, anyways The only
other few personal fixed charges l
can think of, 1 says is matinee tick
cts. Ice cream sodaS, bridge and
nah jong favors. and my annual
supply of crossword puzzle books.
And Gao says, say. can't you
think up few more practical ne
cessitiesS How about a monthly in
stallment on the city hall. in case you
| feel yoa have to buy It?
X X
WHAT men think is funny is GER
w tainly a joke to me in the most
| serious sense Of the word. So nat
! urally l at once says now George,
be serious or ! will throw the whole
! idea over. And he says all right,
! and we got back to work. and then
I he says let's see, have we got every
! thing down before / commence to
add this up? And l says how about
| Junior? We. aint figured in his
clothes yet.
So we put down about four suits a
year at fifteen green passes per ea.,
| and I says my goodness. amt II fierce
| what II costs to dress that child, why
| it's pretty near as much as it costs
| for mans clothes. And Geo. says
yeh, It sure would be, as far as l am
concerned. If you was making up this
budget alone. So 1 says come on.
come on, don't take up time making
Evening star., 1925-02-01

to initiate this. but could never quite
get it. Our attempt to call our friends
"Apar rtment B, The Grosvenor," and
to say go to il. the Marlborough, Top
Floor No. G." has practically ended
in failure,
Evening star., 1925-02-01

pY that time Hon Prof Butter was
- talking onwards & onwards
showing love song OF Katy Dds and
Red Ants playing marbiIs. While
talking he explain names OF every
Evening star., 1925-02-01
Neighbors Budget-Making Skill
Gives New Hope to Home FinanCier
ny NINA WILCOX PUTNAM.

:::: Z :: 6: !:
henrys a wear and spends nine