The daily worker. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1924-1958, 1925-05-16
The FliUUer to the Rescue

The growers of apples have not vet learned to
increase their sales by frightening the populace
into devouring their product or else be devoured
In turn by the "Bolshevik menace" They could
argue that radicalism caused by a nervous dis
order which could be traced to eating an over
abundance Of proteins and starches. Specialists
in dilapidated human anatomies attribute most of
our physical ills to ill-treatment of the boiler.
Most of them agree that apple juice, when not
aged is good lubricant.
An orderly stomach produces smiles instead of
grouches, and who ever saw cartoon Of smiling
revolutionist in the capitalist press? Apples as
cure for BOlshevism. A slogan: Gan apple a day
will keep Communism away" would get Rabbits.
labor takers and all members and potential mem
bers of the ku klux khan eating up whole orchards
But the apple growers lack originality. Not so
the tiivver manufacturers.
George NJ Graham chairman of the National
Automobile Chamber of Commerce, declares that
the automobile is the greatest foe of Bolshevism in
the United States. This should bounce the sale
Of tin lizzies over night. A capitalist editorial
writer agrees.
1t must be confessed the editor writes that the
automobile has aided the devil considerably in his
nefarious work. What is more conducive to sin
than triangle composed of an auto male and a
female of the human species parked in some shady
lane out the ken of ku kux khan dragon or
methodist minister? Without the auto youthful
sinners might have to serve Satan precariously on
front porch lighted by an ubiquitous street lamp
and within call of easily angered and particular
parent But rapid travel stirs the blood and dis
lance makes the heart grow fonder. Therefore
many sermons have been preached on the evil re-
suits flowing from the increased sales of automo-
biles. So much so that automobile manufacturers
have been obliged to pay the preachers handsomely
to preach about something else.
But the automobile has redeemed itself. Not
only does tempt those of weak flesh to stray from
the front parlor, but it also empts the whole fam
lily to take excursions into the country.
Those excursions, says the worthy capitalist
scribe are ''soul expansive, wholly wholesome and
enjoyable" His peroration is worth quoting in
full:
This sort of family life, of course, makes for
contentment, and where there is family content
ment there is community loyalty and countrywide
patriotism. 1t is not in this sort of atmosphere
that Bolshevism thrives Therefore ayaunt Boil
shevism as a menace to Americanismn'
This may explain the gift of 100000 given by
the Ford family to the Y. NJ. G. A. recently. If
the hivyer is an antidOte to Boshevism why should
not the owners of the medicine fork up? When
the masses are purchasing flying machines on the
installment plan and take weekend trips to the
North Pole Bolshevism will be completely frozen
out When there are no unemployed and all work
ers are capitalists there will be less Boshevism
than ever. And when morons are not allowed to
write editorials for capitalist papers, may rest
assured Bolshevsm will no longer be menace
No Bolshevk professors will then be lecturing
the Recent Collapse of Capitalism"