davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
"POLICE UP" TOWN

Temple, Okla.,-American Legion
naires here gave this town a spruc-
ing up recently when they all fell
to with rakes, brooms, shovels and
ash cans and gave Temple "po-
Icing up" that made it look like
the old company street on inspec-
ton morning. The Legionnaires haul
ed SO loads of trash, tin cans, dis
carded fivvers and what-not from
the resident and business district to
the dump. Prizes were given to the
citizens with the cleanest and most
well-kept yards.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
LABOR BANKS AS EDUCATORS


1t is probable that no single
agency has done more to make un-
popular the radical labor agitator
than has the establishment of la
Dor banks. Labor banks today show
aggregate statements running up
towards the $200,0O0,000 mark.
What happens when labor lead
err becomes a bank director? He
finds that he has assumed serious
responsibility on behalf of his de-
positors. AS a matter of necessity
he begins to take an interest in any
movement, political, labor, agricul-
turai or industrial which has an
effect either good or bad, on general
BUSINESS conditions.
He soon learns that agitation
which tends to discourage invest
ment and employment is immediate
ly reflected in the assets and Sc
curities of depositors and borrow
ers. A labor bank is as subject to
these conditions as any other bank.
He finds that economic laws are
more powerful than the rulings of
any group of bankers. He finds that
the "money trust" is an intangible
myth. Above all else, he finds that
any movement or agitation which
hurts the bank and business general
ly Immediately hurts the working
man.
Therefore, in spite of his past
prejudices he is unconsciously fore
ed to the conclusion that the in
terests of labor and capital are
identical and that one cannot pros
per at the expense of the other.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21

Mrs. Monahan came waddling to
the backfence conference all excited.
"Advertisin' do pay" she exult-
ed. "I'm just sellin me old stove"
tbs me that disagrees wild ye,'
disagreed her thrice-divorced neigh
Dor. 81 spint twenty-five cints t.
advertise in tn matrimonial pa Ger
FIR husband, an nobody but me
no-account first answered it."
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21

would make them more difficult
to handle, would produce ten claims
where there is now one, and would
make trouble all along the line. If
compulsory automobile insurance is
ever put into effect it should pro-
vide that the protection to be fur
nished must be insurance and not
merely indemnifcation. The insol-
vency of the insured should not af-
feet the liability of the company for
loss; but there are many concerns
issuing contracts of indemnifcation
which would attempt to qualify
under the compulsory liability act,
and the results would unquestionably
be very unsatisfactory"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
CUSSED OUT KING;
rr,rt,t, aaY,D


Omaha, Neb. ,--Henry Himpe's
comrades in The American Legion
here refer to him as "the only man
who cussed king and got medal
for it."
During the fighting in the trenches
in the early days of the war, some
one tugged at Himpe's shoulder.
Not knowing who his mud-bespat-
tered companion was, Himpe per-
emtorily told him to ''get the hell
out of here or I'll shoot you" 1t
was King Albert of Belgium.
A few days later Himpe was
called to headquarters and repri-
manded for not being more polite
to his comrades That was the first
he knew that the man he threat
ened to shoot was his own king.
King Albert later came to look
on the incident as joke and after
the war introduced Himpe to the
court as "the man who threatened
to kill me"
Himpe has just received notice
that he has been awarded the Bel
gian war cross with one palm. He
is chauffeur here.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
A LIGHT TOUCH

Mark Twain had finished his
speech at a dinner-party, and, on
his seating himself, lawyer rose,
showed his hands deep into his
trousers pockets, as was his habit,
and laughingly inquired of those
present:
Doesn't it strike this company
as a little unusual that profess
sional humorist should be funny?"
When the laughter that greeted
this sally had subsidized, Mark Twain
drawled out:
Doesn't it strike this company
as little unusual that lawyer
should have his hands in his own
pockets ?" Germantown High.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
A NEW ALIBI

A colored convict had received a
Bible from the chaplain, but the
very next day was hailed into the
prisons own court, charged with
petty thievery.
"How does this happen?" asked
the chaplain sternly. 81 just sent
you a book in winch there is a
commandment, Thou shalt not
steal Didn't you receive it,"
"Yassuh, yassuh," replied the ne
gro. But All amt had time to git
dat fur yet"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE

Irate Drill Sergeant Ito the dumb
boy)-Brown, did you ever drive a
donkey back on the farm?
Brownies, sir!
l. d. S.-What did you say to him
when you wanted him to go ahead
Brown-"Get up!"
l. d. S.-All right. Squad, for
ward march! Brown, get upl
-Dennison Flamingo.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
INK FROM OTHER
PRESSES
Humorous and Serious Topics
From Leading Editors
of the Country
A GOOD REASON

A acknowledgements resident of
New York attributes his longevity
to the fact that he has been a
Democrat all his life. He is con-
fident that if he had been a Repub-
lican and lived in the ward he did,
he wouldn't have lived nearly so
long.
Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
DON'T THEY KNOW AN
AMERICAN FLAG
WHEN THEY SEE IT.?

Monday evening during the Fire
Department demonstration in Lam
bertville large American flag was
carried at the head of the members
of Union Fire Company, in the pa
rade.
1t is reported that during the
entire line of march only four peo-
pie recognized the flag,
Are there only four people in
Lambertville who are proud Of THEN
flag? Or, don't the people know
how to salute the flag?
Apart from display of patriot.
ism there remains the sincere APP
probation citizenry should feel
toward the emblem of their free
dom.
The accepted salutation is for a
man to remove his hat with his right
hand, holding it over his left breast
as the colors pass. Don't Lambert
Vile people know this, or don't they
feel any respect for the Red White
and Blue?
Or perhaps some of them think
(and rightly that lot of the lib
erty symbolized by the flag has
been taken away from us.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
Hqrsn Companion

A person who talks continually
about himself is like chair that talks
about its springs. A chair, remember,
talks about its springs only when they
are not worth talking about.-Youth's
Companion.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21

Nieu Yorke Sity
May tn 16, 10 & quatter NV a
sensury
Dere Mister Editur,
Lembertville. Wherever tibet is.
Deer Sur-Efter readin' yore editur-
iel en- yore kolyum "See In Threw
| s'pose We pean seem things, en-
Ikea thet--, kinda spirituelistkick
LIKE TUX t'sleepin' in tn bathrum.
| hope they wasn't no wimmen see
in thru ento while | was dom
NV it, kaws | was dressed ony smell
ly like when my mother used t'nuss
me, ony fer my whiskers.
Wal, edter givin yore remidy a
thuru triel, | beg es Estate tibet
evirybuddy,-thet is, es hes heerd
NV me dom NV it, calls me 9TH
Old Soak an tn Z Day Adventist"
bein' es hedn't bin out fer week,
count fear gettin- tn newmownhey
| asks; What Price Glorie ?!??**l
Stmkers, want they?
Yore konstent reeder.
Pustkript: Follerin' Cal, ven nut
Use es how I'm savin' paper.
%*@s*s
The Public Utilities Bulletin tells
good "fish" story of how turtle
unstopped sewer in Middle Wes-
tern city. A long string was tied
to its tail and it was placed in
the sewer. The turtle began plug
ging toward the sewer outlet, drag
ging the string behind him.
When he reached the outlet $50
feet away the string was used to
draw rope thru the sewer, and
this in turn was used to draw a
swab thru the sewer that cleaned
it out.
But they didn't say how long it
took the turtle to go the $50 feet.
%s&&*s
could make a nasty crack about
the need of turtles to clean out the
sewer-like minds of lot of people
but I'll let you make your own
nasty crack
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
FOR LOVE OF THE BOYS

FOR LOVE OF THE BOYS
Newport, Ore,-"We have always
loved the boys"
That was the explanation given
recently by DR.. and Mrs. d. A.
McIntrye of this city and Portland,
for their gift of sixty-five acre
park site to Newport post of The
American Legion.
The park, which will be known
as McIntrye Memorial Park, will be
developed Immediately by Newport
post. The park site is beautifully
located on Yaquina bay. 1t is plan
ned to erect log clubhouse and
cottages for disabled veterans and
their families.
eve felt pretty bad when the
World War broke out and we had
no boy to send" said Mrs. McIn-
tyre. 81 told my husband never to
mind, for we would take all the
boys and love them and work for
them"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
First SiIk Stockings

Henry II. who was king OF France
from 1547 to 1859. was the first to
wear silk stockings, which he donned
in 1859 for the wedding of his daugh-
ter, Elizabeth, to Philip II of Spain.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
SOME EXTRACTS OF SOLDIERS
LETTERS READ BY CENSOR

81 was delited to hear from you
of course, G. l never appreciated a
Kodak picture more. / carry it in
my pockit over my Heart & if a
built tares it I shall be awfulu
worried"
"The French girls drive out the
cows to Craze and back at night.
1t is lots of fun to go with them, for
the cows are well trained and need
little attention"
GAS there is breeze this morning
will write you and Loora few
lines"
"The ocean is quite rough today.
Am not afraid of the water, but
am tired of it."
81 beg to remain, desiringly yours,
Jack"
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
THE OLD ARMY GAME

Young Chesterfield Smith, noted
for his dashing and astonishing sue
cess with the ladies on all occa-
sions, was asked how he did it.
"Oh," said he airly, Gust treat
'em like you would shiny newly
commissioned second-looey. You'll
get along. Legion Weekly.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
5000, 900 VETS


Washington, d. C.-More than
seventy-five per cent of the vet
Grams eligible for the adjusted COM
pensation insurance have applied for
its benefits, according to figures re-
leased to American Legion officials
here. The three million mark was
passed on April ID.
The government already has paid
out $1,715,823 in insurance to de-
pendents. 1t is estimated at this
rate $4,000 is being turned over
daily to dependents of deceased vet
Grams. At the present rate it is
believed practically all applications
will have been received by June 26.
They are coming in daily at the rate
of 5000
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
DEDICATE MEMORIAL

Baltimore, Md.,-Maryland's World
War memorial building here, built
at cost of 100000, was re-
cent dedicated under the auspices
of The American Legion and other
veteran organizations.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
Formed Human Map

Among the most striking episodes
of the pageant of the empire at Wem-
bley. England, was human map Of
Australia, formed by hundreds of anti
podean visitors.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
LESS H.LL AMI MORE WOOL

Cartoonists are seeking to ridieule
Senator Stanfeld and other western
senators for appearing in overalls
and participating in opening the
strengthening season.
Senator Warren, of Wyoming, and
Senator Stanfeld, of Oregon, are
kings in the sheep industry in the
United States, the latter being the
largest producer of wool and NUT
ton in this country He evidently
believes in raising more wool and
less hill in politics.
Industrial News Bureau.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
Fire Caused BY Lightning

That fires kindled by lightning cam
not be put out with water is an old
myth without foundation in fact. Fire
started by lightning is just like any
other tire.-Exchange
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
SMILIN' THRU
AMERICAN FREEDOM
BY GEE SEE

Tho your money may be honest,
If you want to build a house,
You will have to get permission
Like a timid little mouse.
You may be an expert workman,
But if you start up shop,
The inspectors will swarm in like
Flies around a pail of slop.
Makes no difference what your
trade is,
There will be some wise galoots
Shopping in your private matters
With their threatening disputes.
Yet this is a land of freedom!
Say! Where do you get that
bull?
You can't blow your nose unless
you
Get some governmental pull!
+*#$8*
Now, little boys and girls, who is
it that plays nurse to the poor little
CLAIMS and oysters?
| see you don't know, so I'll have
to tell you it is the Shell Fisheries
Department.
And tho they are kind to the little
CLANS and oysters, keeping them
warm in winter and cold in summer,
the little clans and oysters must
be good and do just as their nurses
tell them
They positively won't allow them
to breed outside the little play
grounds they set aside for them.
If they break this rule they are
soundly spanked. So there!
s*++*+
Altho we already have ninety-nine
| trillion, seventeen hundred and
forty-four billion, seven hundred and
sixty-two thousand, four hundred
and fifty-three laws on the statute
books of the country, they have
had to pass another law specifying
the hours at which people go out
to eat lunch.
You may think this is joke,
but if it is, the joke is on you.
Lock up Chapter 273, 1911 Laws
of New Jersey.
%@**%*
That law is to keep the stony
hearted business men from starv-
ing their poor downtrodden en-
ployees!
As if anybody would be fool
enough to work where they weren't
allowed time to eati
.#*4&*
If that "Jest Book" writer, Joe
Miller, were alive now he would
laugh himself to death!
.##%+s
I'm getting sick and tired of
those wind jaming, bombastic, bull
throwing politicians who go snort
ing up and down the land yelling
their heads off about the need for
more laws and the "muchly needed
reforms"
Hereafter | am going to adopt the
policy that whenever the pesky in
sects swarm aroung me / am to
SPIT ON THEM AND DROWN
THEM!
What we need is a team of real
he-men who will go to the Legisla-
lures and kick the pants off the fool
laws that are cluttering up our
statute books.
That will mean that we won't
have left but one law out of every
one hundred. GOOD RADIANCE TO
BAD RUBBISH!
+#%s&s
Tho | speak in mournful numbers,
Most laws are a lot of junk;
And the soul is dead that slumbers
While they pass such rotten
bunkl
Let us then be up and kicking
When the politician rants;
Let us give them one good lick
ing
BY swift kick in the pants!
@kA#As
FROM A SCRAP OF PAPER
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
DEPLoRABLE DEPRADATIONs

DEPLORABLE DEPRADATIONS
When the buildings of the jess
person Newsprint Mill were re-
paired following the fire, new steel
window sash were installed with eX-
pensive glass in them. Due to lack
of funds the mill did not resume
operations, and so it has been
standing at the mercy Of the ma
rauding boys of the neighborhood.
The windows have been malic-
iously stoned time and again. Hun
dreds of panes of glass have been
broken Everything movable has
been stolen. and other damages
wreaked upon the plant represent
thousands of dollars.
When the property was advertised
for sale for delinquent taxes it at
tracted the attention of a prospective
buyer who thought to take it over
and start up the mill. This would
mean employment to perhaps 30
people. 1t would mean money and
increased prosperity for the eonmun-
ity.
But when the prospective buyer
saw the deplorable condition Of the
property, he shook his head. at
would cost nearly as much money
to repair this property rs 1t would
cost to build new one" he said,
And so he turned it down,
There ought to be lesson in this
for our city officials. They owe it
to themselves to protect property.
1t would mean taxes to the city and
employment to the people.
There ought to be a lesson in this
for parents who allow their children
to run wild like drove of wild
jackasses. If someone else should
destroy their own property. they
would have no moral right to pro-
test agams it. AS long as they al
low their children to destroy other
peoples property they should not
expect protection for their own
property.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
FLAT FAILURE

Cleveland Plain-Dealer
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21
FROM A SCRAP OF PAPER

Nieu Yorke Sity
May tn 16, 10 & quatter NV a
SenSurV
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-21

| could make nasty crack about
the need of turtles to clean out the
sewer-like minds Of lot of people
but I'll let you make your own
nasty crackl
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-04-05

ment by the Industrial Art Club to
be given on April 16.
Birney, Nicholas avenue and How
ard street southeast:
Monday-Junior Dramatic Club, 3
to 4:S0; Needlecraft Club, 1890; Birney
Athletic Group, 1880 to 8; arabian
Athletic and Social Club; Potomac
Athletic Club; Community Orchestra
rehearsal; Rialto Athletic Club, No. l
Choral Society, Boy Scouts, 1880 to
1890.
ednesday-Personal hygiene class;
dressmaking class; whiting Club,
1880 to 8; Junior Girls Athletic Club,
1880 to 10; Birney Athletic Groups. 9
to 1890.
Friday-Lampshade making and
reed classes; Rialto Athletic Club,
two teams, 1880; Junior Girls Athletic
Club; The Mystics," an athletic club
for older girls; Boy Scout troop, 1880
to 10.
Dsanwood. Nottingham and Lane
place northeast:
Friday-Citizens Association of
Deanwood, Woodmen Of America,
Adult Athletic Club, s; Boys Athletic
Club, music class, special rehearsal
by the Girls Dramatic Club, millinery
and fower-making group, 1880.
Miner Normal, Georgia avenue and
Euclid street northwest:
Tuesday-Se wing, millinery and en-
broidery groups, Red Cross classes,
Young Mems Athletic Club, basketry
and weaving classes, 1880 TO 1890.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-04-05
At Community Centers
Of the Public Schools.

Petworth Woman's Club will enter
tain, with solos and choruses, at the
meeting at s.
Tuesday Rhythmic expression
class for children, 3:15; piano classes,
3:15 and 4.
Scouts, Girl Scouts. Brownies, visual
instruction program, 1880 to 10.
II. v. Brown, Connecticut avenue
and Mckinley street northwest:
Monday-French for beginners.
3:l5; piano instruction, 3; advanced
class in piano instruction, 4.
Tuesday-Open library, $3.50; dra-
matte expression group, 3:15.
Thursday French class, 3:I5;
rhythmic dancing instruction for be-
ginners, 3:15.
Friday-Open library, Z.
Southeast, Hine Junior High School,
Seventh and c streets southeast:
Thursday-In the Hine Junior High
School: The Pollyanna Club will
have business meeting and gym
mentary law class; Turner basketry
class; rehearsal of the Forrest Play
ers. 8: Trojan and Lincoln Park Ath-
letIc Clubs, to $40.
Friday-ln the Hine Junior High
School. Rhythmic expression class.
No. /, to 7:45; rhythmic expression
class, No. 2, 7:45 to $50; Warwick
Athletic Club, 9 to 1920; The Tour
list Club" Z to 7:45; game group, 1880
to $50; Boy Scout troop, 8 to $3.50;
dramatic group, $50 to 10; Public
Speaking Club for adults, platform
practice in the auditorium, 7.30 to
Oh TD1J - i,,ot TOW f,
81, $40 to 1890.
Park View, Warder and Newton
streets northwest:
Monday-Monitor's Choir rehearsal
3:l5.
Tuesday-Public Speaking Club
1880 to 8; Park View Womans Club.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-04-05

The industrial exhibition Of the
community center department or the
public schools, that formed part of
the Washington Chamber of Com
| meros exposition at the washington
Auditorium, was visited by many per-
sons. 1t displayed but small por-
ton of the practical and artistic work
accomplished by clubs and groups IN
community centers.
Thomson, Twelfth and l. streets
northwest:
Today-Dramatic rehearsal of the
Washington Opera Company $3.50.
Monday Washington Choral So
ciety, auction bridge instruction class,
8; illustrated lecture on Birds" Au-
dubon Society-for children, $. S. AL
burtis, $3.50; for adults, Prof. Paul
Batsch, 4:30.
Tuesday-Spanish class, 1915: adj
vanced class in Spanish, S:15: Gregg
dictation class, Z; class in elementary
French Z: theatrical makeup class
for the Washington opera Company,
$3.50 to 8; Washington Opera Com
pany rehearsal, S.
Wednesday-Piano class, 3:15.
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. class. 7:15; ad-
vanced class in Spanish, S:15; Gregg
dictation class, Z; sight reading class
I: the Washington Opera Company re-
hearsal, S; the Gaelic class, 8; physi-
cal training and folk dancing class
for women, s; rhythm dancing for
children, 3:15.
Friday-The community secretary
announces that because of the church
holiday the center will be closed.
Saturday-The dramatic rehearsal
of the Washington Opera Company, s.
Wilson Normal. Eleventh and Har-
ward streets northwest:
Observation-Disclosures of the Wilson
Players, rehearsal of the Washing
tonians opera Company, s; Royce
Athletic Club, 1880: children groups
will rehearse for the May festival,
$3.50.
Tuesday-Women's rhythmic dane
ing class. s to 8: Welsh Society, 8; re-
hearsal of the Neutrality-suspicious.. s.
Wednesday - Rhythmic expression
class, S:15; group rehearsal for May
festival, $3.50.
Thursday-The Wilson Players, re-
hearsal and business meeting; re-
hearsal of the Washingtonians, Cres-
cent Athletic Club, 8.
The center Will be closed on Friday,
April 10.
JOhnson-PowelI, Hiatt place and
Lamont street northwest:
Tuesday-French for adults, 2:30;
French for children, $3.50; rhythm for
children, $3.50.
Wedn esday-Violin instruction for
children, 3:15.
80 Friday-French for adults, 2:30
French for children, $3.50: expression
and dramatics for children. $3.50; So
cial dancing instruction for children,
$3.50; piano instruction. 3:15; social
dancing instruction for adults, 7:45;
Scout Troop, No. &c. 1880. The public
is invited to a free visual instruction
program on Mexico" 1880.
Saturday-O-E-Mo Dramatic Club,
1880; Mount Pleasant Citizens Asso-
citation; Gov. Thomas Welles Society,
Children of the American Revolu
ton, s.
PetwOrth, Eighth and Shepherd
streets northwest:
Monday-Music committee of the
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-04-05
POSTAL CLERKS ADVANCE.
400 Shown Now to Be Holding
Postmasterships

The Civil Service Commission yes
terday announced that nearly 400 for
mer subordinate employees of the pos
tai service, who held positions cIassi-
fled under the civil service law, now
are holding misunderstanding in Offices
filled by nominations of the Presi-
dent and confirmation Of the Senate.
The cities in which postmasters
have been promoted from the ranks,
either upon open competitive or non
competitive examination. include
Washington, New York. Pittsburgh.
San Francisco, Cincinnati, Brooklyn,
Memphis, Knoxville and Seattle The
appointment of Charles c. Kellogg as
postmaster at Detroit Is the latest
important addition to the list Of post
masters having long postal service.
He has had 80 years experience in
post Office work, and rose step By
step from minor clerkship.