Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1925-06-03
THE EDITORS GUESTS
WILL CARLETON

his right hand upholding his head,
His eyes on his dusty old table, with
different documents spread:
There were thirty long pages from
Howler, with underlined capitals
topped,
And short disposition from GROWER,
requesting his newspaper stopped;
There were lyrics from GuSher, the
poet, concerning sweet flow'rets and
/ zephyrs,
And a stray gem from plodder, the
farmer describing couple OF
heiferS;
There were billets from beautiful
maidens, and bills from a grocer or
two,
And his best leader hitched to let
ter, which inquired if he wrote it,
or who?
There were raptures of praises from
writer's of the weekly meillhuous
| school,
And one of his rivals last papers, in
| forming him he was fool;
There were several long resolutions,
with names telling who they were
by,
Canonizing some harmless old brother
| who had done nothing worse than to
| die:
There were traps on that table to
catch him, and serpents to sting and
| to smite him;
There were gift enterprises to sell
him, and biters attempting to bite
him;
There were long staring lads" from
the city, and money with never
one,
Which added, "Please give this inser-
ton, and send in your bill when
you're done;"
There were letters from organizations
their meetings, their wants, and
their laws
Which said, "Can you print this an
nouncement for the good of our
glorious cause?"
Theer were tickets inviting his pres
| ence to festivals, parties and shows,
Wrapped in notes with please give
| us a notice" demurely slipped in at
the close;
In short, as his eye took the table,
and ran DER it's ink-spattered trash
There was nothing it did not encoun-
ter, excepting perhaps it was cash.
The Editor dreamily pondered on sew
eral ponderous- things.
On different lines of action and the
pulling of different strings;
Upon some equivocal doings, and some
unequivocal duns;
On how few of his numerous patrons
were quietly prompt-paying ones;
On friends who subscribed lust TO
help him." and wordy encourage
ment lent,
And had given him plenty of counsel.
but never had paid him cent;
On vinegar, kind-hearted people were
feeding him every hour,
Who saw not the work they were do
ing, but wondered that printers are
sour"
On several intelligent townsmen.
whose kindness was so without stint
That they kept an eye out on his bus
mess, and told him just what he
should print;
On men who had rendered him favors,
and never pushed forward their
claims,
So long as the paper was crowded
with locals containing their
names;
On various other small matters, suffi-
cient his temper to roll,
And finely contrived to be making the
blood of an editor boil;
And so one may see that his feelings
could hardly be said to be smooth,
And he needed some pleasant occur
renee his ruffled emotions to sOOthe:
He had it; for, 10! on the threshold,
slow and reliable tread,
And a farmer invaded the sanctum,
and these are the words that he
said:
"Good-mornin', sir, Mr.. Printer; how
is your body to-day?
I'm glad you're to home; for you fell
lers is aPays runnin' away.
Your paper last week want so spicy
nor sharp as the one week before.
But I s'pose when the campaign is
opened, you'll be whoopin' it up to
'em more.
That Teller tha's printin' The Smash
er is goin' for you perty smart;
And our folks said this mornin' at
breakfast they thought he was get
tin the start.
But l hushed 'em right up in min
ute, and said a good word for you;
1 told 'em I b'lieved you was tryin'
to do just as well as you knew;
And 1 told 'em that some one was
sayin', and whoever twas it is so,
That you can't expect much of no one
man, nor blame him for what he
don't know.
But, layin' aside pleasure for business,
) I've brought you my little boy Jim;
And thought 1 would see if you
couldn't make an editor outen him.
"My family stock is increasin', while
other folks seem to run short.
I've got right smart of a family-it's
one of the old-fashioned sort:
There's Ichabod, Isaac, and Israel,
a-workin' away on the farm
They do bout as much as one good
boy, and make things go off like
charm