New Britain herald., 1925-09-05

electric curling irons will singe oftener, The only contrary note will he struck In womens fashions, whore both skirts and hair are growing shorter most rapidly
 The effect Is felt everywhere, The states are making taxes higher - bigger, better taxes, so to speak. Rum runners are smuggling in moro stuff, and judges are imposing more suspended sentences, And look at baseball; home runs are longer, scores larger. and Babe Ruth has learned that even fines are bigger,
 Taking our premises from these signs of the times, we predict that this winter will produce more weather than ever before.
 Looking like a true follower of "Vanity Fair" Uncle Elijah Rut terworth of Fairfax Center, Yer mont, strolled into the office ycstcr- day and called loudly for the Ob- server. II seems that Uncle Lie had just returned from his vacation and he was ovcrhowing and bubbling with "reminiscences Of what hn termed "the best vacation he had had since he went 10 the Chicago Worlds Fair.' His remarks might bear repeating here:
 "Yup. Had a great old time" he exclaimed, taking aim at a nearby wastebasket and missing 1t by about two feet. And the best part of 1t was that Mother stayed to hum. Of course, I'd a-liked to have had her with me, but. seein' as she wasn't, ain't awailin' and amoan- in like them poor lost souls that furnish Satan with concerts every night. Where did I go? Well. l went down to New York city and painted that there town brighter red than was on Al Weskins buggy when 1t come in from Rutland all shiney and new.
 q spent about two weeks in that th?re town and about all the money ] had with me. and then I didn't see half there was 10 see. I went on sight seein' tours and trips to tho Statue of Library and to the Polar Grounds and to the top of tho JTiyn ond Ton ropte e4oro b,,IlJ ing and to the Aquamarine and to the Bowling Green and to the Low ell Drinking fountain in Bryant park which has been condemned on account of there being some ob- scure law in effect that won't all low nobody 10 take a drink, that last remark being a double nega- tive.
 "Well, I seed pretty nigh every thing that was well advertised. l went Over on Broadway and all over the city 1t was brought to my attention how many young folks they is in that there city. About on every street corner they is a Chid's S Restaurant. but seen lots of older people goin' in to get their vittles. That there Aquamarine Is some place. l tell you. It comes pretty nigh not bein' in New York at tall, seein' as the water of the ocean comes almost up 10 the back of the place. Well, sir, they has all kinds of fish in that there place and some kinds that I thought had gone out of existence when they stopped sell in intoxicatin' liquors. They was some of them there fishes that had electric lights fer eyes and 1t was the funniest thing to see them there fish swimmin' around and f1ashin' on them lights now and then. suppose they run by wet batteries.
 "Then I went to see some of them shows for what New York is un- l justly famous. I took In a vaude- ! vile show and I seen one of the incest hicyclin' acts ever seed That there show was pretty near as good as what we see in Fairfax Center when the Grange runs their entertainments.
 "One thing I noticed was that on Fifth avenue they have the con stables way up In towers so that they won't git run over. They was lots of people on the streets. too l was walkin' across one of the streets and lookin' at the tall build in's and one of them automobile hacks come along and pretty nigh | knocked me down. The constable standin' at the corner looked at , him and I sez to myself, he's goin' 10 give that driver a lecture. But instead he says to me, Hey, there rube, get out of the way Why do they have tall buildin's if they won't let you look at 'em?
 "1 did so much and seen so much that I ain't got time to tell 1t 10 you now. I bought orange aid at one of them little street corner places and l rode on the subway, although they was such a crowd in the car l was showed back and forth so much that I really walked all the way. And then I got mixed up in jam when I tried to get out every time and the crowd comin' in took me right along with them so had to go right out to the end of the line and hire hack to take me back to the hotel.
 Its the busiest place in the world. They's always somethin' do- in. l went to bed about o'clock every night, although they say that folks stay up till after o'clock ir the morning down there. It don't seem possible. Cause what can they find to do at o'clock In the morn. Ing?
 "1 got hum last Monday nigh and spent the rest of the time tryin l to git used 10 seein' the old familia,