Morgan County Democrat. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1886-1943, 1925-01-22

L
this predicament we sfinally got it
stopped with hard problem before
Ius.
The first sensible thought was to
send for Henry Ford. Then we hap
pened to think that he and Thomas
Edison and another fellow, whose
name was suggestive of volcanic
eruption, were at that time off in a
secluded place somewhere in the
Adirondack mountains, trying to ad-
! Just the price of skunk hides for the
coming winter. However, 1t was not
as serious as 1t looked, and by the
kind and combined efforts of the
neighbors the thing was extricated.
By the way of free advice and en-
couragement, we were told that our
knowledge of the bicycle would be a
great help to us, and perhaps it was,
but the greatest help we found was
the old-fashioned rail fences along
both sides of the road. AS long as
we were keeping halfway between
these ornaments, we considered that
we were doing well. AS we went
helter-skelter over sticks and stones,
sometimes not even stopping to
patch tubes or repair tires, making
such wonderful progress under the
regime we had adopted, new
thoughts and visions of rapturous de-
light again took possession of our
minds. Never before had we been
able to 'see things as large as large
and as small as small,' nor to COM
prehend what a saving of time a
Ford affords. For instance, one day
the wife was distressed over the loss
of a crochet hook This, as serious
as it was, was settled in jiffy; just
get in the car and go to GAINESVILLE
ald get one.
AS there may be others who would
want to take it upon Themselves to
learn to run Ford, we feel that out
of the abundance of our knowledge
and experience we ought to give a
few pointers free of charge. Of
course Fords are made to go, and
that is what is expected of them, but
in some rare cases they have been
known to stop. 1t is well to know
what to do in such cases. About the
first thing is to jerk off the hood and
cuss the sparkplugs and spit on the
carburetor. A good squirt of rich
mixture of saliva and tobacco juice
properly aimed, helps amazingly. A
cloth well wet with vinegar and laid
on the coil box often gives instant
relief. Allow no poisonous, or foul
smells within eleven and half feet
of the muffler. Learn to use the
squawk-horn almost continually, es-
pecially on Sunday when near where
there is church service; most
preachers know the advantage of
this. Don't give the road unless you
have to, the other fellow is expected
to do that. Pay no attention to
brakes or any quick stopping device.
A good electric cigar lighter is far
more important.
What little lubricating Ford
needs is done by the splash sys-
tenn" Anything that will make a
good splash will answer the purpose,
but oil is generally used, as the
Standard needs the money In case
of a shortage of oil, open up the
breather-pipe and slop in some but
termilk and molasses. This mix
ture, if properly proportioned, will
make her "git-up and gobble." This,
also if mixed with full strength
"peter-niter" and taken internally,
will generate enough "pep" to cause
a mouse TO stand up and spit in
cats face, or make midget call
Jack Dempsey a, liar. There are a
feWsmore things we might add, but
as a great and notable man once
said, ''these / reckon will give you a.
good lift"
Now in conclusion, we want to
say that any man who takes his
place at the steering wheel of
Ford as master of its tricks and in
tricacies, while he cannot, "Dy TAX
ing thought Of himself add one
cubit to his stature" he can add
dignity. In other words, he has just.
cause for giving himself a digni-
fed appearance. In most cases,
with a littls tact and practice, this
can be easily accomplished.
Someone has said that character
caa. be read by the way a man wears
his hat. We are not so particular
about the character so laag as VIE
can assume an appearance and look
like somebody. Tt is that outward
appearance" we ara aiming at. Now
just a small thing like our hat, If
jauntily adjusted over croek-cover
haircut with q sea-llon roach, a
trace of side-hurns, a baby-grand
Haoustache. pair of large shell-rim
glasses, a big fluffy red and yellow
necktie, long three-cent cigar held
between the teeth at the proper an.
gle, and you've lovely profile that
liz sure to attract attention. Oi
course someone. may snicker or laugh
at you, or you may be taken for The
head clerk of the Waldorf-Astoria
but pay no attention to such, a!