The midland journal. (Rising Sun, Md.) 1885-1947, 1925-05-08
EXCURSIONS IN
CORRESPO NDENCE
BY THOMAS ARKLE CLARK
Dean Of Men, University Of Illinois.
Anger and Apologies

Anger and Apologies
y RYANT brought me letter a few
- days ago from his father-a very
hot, ill-advised letter, written in the
heat OF the moment and saying things
which the older man would later wish
unsaid.
The cause of the outburst was irri-
tating, no doubt, but the letter RENE
died nothing. Young Bryant had not
done well in, his studies; he had in
fact, failed pretty completely, and a
notice to that effect had gone from the
deans office. Bryant, senior. coming
into his place of business in the morn.
ing, found the offending letter living
blatantly on the top Of pile of mail.
He had been out late the night before.
he had not slept well, the letter an.
gered him, and he rang for the stenog-
rapher at once and dictated hot one
to his delinquent son.
| He said a number of things that
were not kind, and some that were not
true, and after the letter had gone out
4 "AAN az Aiao hdU tlluC W tiilIlkS
over he was sorry and ashamed of him
self, though he did not have the cour-
age to say SO, but, instead, sent his son
an extra allowance and by that means
helped to increase his delinquency
rather than to remedy 1t.
A great many people who would not
think of saying angry, insulting things
to ones face, will not hesitate to do sc
in letter, just as many people eni,
ploy a manner when speaking over the
telephone that they would hesitate q
long time before using in personal
conversation. There is cowardice In
such a procedure that does not make
a strong appeal. The written word is
far more objectionable, and hurts
longer than the spoken one, because IL
Is permanent IL one forgets it he car
so back to the written page and re
1 fresh his memory.
Every one has tendency to write
letters when he is angry, and perhaps
1t is good exercise in composition
but, after having written the letter, II
is well to lay it aside before mailing
1t, until it cQols, as it were, or at least
until your own anger cools, and nine
times out of ten, when you come back
to it the next morning and read il
over, if you are sensible man, you
will throw 1t into the waste basket ant
write another. / have followed this
practice for good many years sand>
can commend it strongly.
i Nothing shows weakness and lacl
of self-confidence more than anger
The angry man is off his guard, he has
lost control, like a man driving a cal
with the steering gear out of commits
sion. When man gets angry in a let
ter he Is pretty far along the road to
ward defeat. Self-possession. poise
quiet self-control and determination
not to be thrown off your balance. by
what any one else may say or do, are
the strongest qualities you can exhibit
Never let yourself get angry. or al
least never let 1t be shown.
An angry letter almost always call.
for an apology. and letter of apology
is one Of the hardest to write.
1t takes generous spirit to present
a good apology. Most Of such letters
as have seen or received are lame
half-hearted. make matters worse, Oh
help them very little.
| l had been working In the garden
and Barbara, the little daughter of one
Of our neighbors. had been playing
around and, in experimenting with m,
tools. had inadvertently uprooted .
plant upon which set some value.
lecture followed from her mother, who
insisted that, as part Of the penalt,
to be paid for her misdemeanor, she
was to present her apologies to me
She walked across the garden TOWARD
me shamefacedly.
Mother says you're sorry for wha
did" she stammered out, and that's
the sort of apology which we frequent
ly make in letters for our more mature
misdemeanors. We write such letter:
because we should, or we must, or be
cause some one older or wiser thar
we are advises us to- do so.
There should be no reservations ir
a letter of apology. If we have beer
wrong we should say so directly, ant
No try to mitigate the fault by infinite
excuses and involved explanations
There is no weakness in such an ad
mission. but rather the opposite. PEG
pie will always think more of you If
having been wrong or made an ass Of
yourself, you are. generous and frank
enough to admit it.
| II was angry when wrote last
week." a man wrote me not long ago
land really without excuse, and i an
sorry. Had l read the letter second
time l should never have sent it.
wish you would destroy 1t or send Il
back to me and try to forget the whole
occurrence"
/ His was generous apology and one
which could only win my warmest re