davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10
Ford Coupe. 1924

Fine condition. Real bargain: can ar
range terms. take in Ford touring. TT
1851.
1924 FORD TOURING
Has new paint demountable. cord tires
and spare. S275, terms. See Barry al
YANTIS MOTOR CO.,
Broadway a. Fourth SITS. CT. 600
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

WANTED-An expert
enced radio salesman
who is looking for per-
manent employment;
most attractive PROPOSE
ton in the city for good
man. See Mr.. Malone
between $50 and 10
a. m. The Fox Co.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10
LABOR TREAT APPROVED.

BRUSSELS, Belgium. Dec. TO-
UPl-A convention between Belgium
and Argentina dealing with repara-
ton for injuries resulting from labor
accidents was approved by the cham
Der Of deputies today without discus
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

wANTED-Four messenger boys with
bicycles and motorcycles. Apply 500
Lefitte after D. m.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10
Late 1924 Coupe

This car q bargain az 1926; 1896 IL
cense. Lock wheel and cord tires; trade
or terms; 30-day guarantee.
See Mr.. Zen.
HERPEL-GILLESPI
s20 z Houston St CT $50
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10
100 AUTO BUYS
LOW PRICES, EASY TERMS

yourself that priced right
If they right will
right you yourself decide
buy.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

EZELL AUTO CO.
SOUTH FLORES WHITE MANSION, OPPOSITE ARSENAL
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10
Help Wanted-Male or Female 49,

BARBER trade taught quickly. positions
guaranteed. earnings While you learn.
Reasonable tuition fee. Can or write
Lewis Barber College. 72T West Com
ruerce 81.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

1894 FORD TOURING
Haz extras. new tires. A mighty nice
JOB Tor only A25j. Terms. See Barry a.
YANTIs MOTOR co.
Broadway al Fourth SITS. CT. 500
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

1923 FORD roadster with starter and
demountGble rims, new paint lock wheel.
with five good tires. This Is a bargain
at $50. See Retchum.
CRAWFORD MOTOR co.
5f1-1T W. Houston St. CT 4i1i.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

LATE 1923 Ford roadster and tourlngs,
extras and cord tires. your pick at S195
See Otis Caruthers. E23 Broadway. Or
7I70.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-10

chhfAoiEr sedan Al shape. gf5s.
mnst pe seen % appreciate. used By nri-
faif family can b. cccu ~ calling CT
ssit or a.. s0so. Call Tor Bonnsn
Evening star., 1925-10-18

"Theye're off, murmur the Smiths,
and the painful scene is over.
Thinking over all this, cannot but
reflect how fortunate it has been for
| mankind that the motor car was not
| invented earlier in our history. So
| many of the great dramas of history
| have turned upon farewells and depar-
lures that some of the most romantic
pages of the past would have been
| spoiled If there had been any gasoline
| in them.
| TAKE for example the familiar case
of Napoleon saying goodbye to his
officers and soldiers at Fontainebleau
before going into exile. The fallen
emperor stood beside the steed he was
about to mount, turned a moment and
addressed to his devoted comrades
words that still echo in the ears of
France. But suppose that he had said
the same thing while seated in little
| one scatter car with his head stuck out
of the window. How inadequate it
would have sounded:
Farewell. my brave comrades
phut, phut-together we shared the
labor and the burden Of a hundred
campaigns-phut. bang, phut-we
must forget that we have conquered
Europe - whfr-r-r, phut - that our
eagles have flown over every capital
l-bang-I leave you now for exile.
i but my heart forever will remain
| whir-r-r. phut-buried In the soil of
France, bang"'
o take as a. similar case in point
| the famous farewell to the Nation
| spoken by George Washington as his
last service to the Republic that he
had created.
Gen. Washington. supposing there
had been gasoline in those days, would
| have been reported as leaning out
| from the window of his sedan car and
speaking as follows:
| Let America cultivate and preserve
| the friendship of the world-phut,
| phut-let us have peace and friend
ship with all-whir-r-and entangling
alliances with none-bang! I have
grown old in the service of this coun-
| try and there is something wrong
with my ignition. To each and all Of
you I bid now a last farewell
| Whir-r-r-r-
FAREWELL!
Phut, phut, phut, phut
| FAREWELL.
Bang!
Copyright. 1e26)
Evening star., 1925-10-18
Ladies and Gents Eyesore Exposition
Produced Marvels, 1umorist Declares

1924. her father took her back to
Omaha TO revisit the scenes of his
former triumphs, she was seen by the
animals approaching their cages and
one walrus dropped dead While
zebras and Il 5-toed sleuth became
delirious.
Lots of girls" said the Hoosier
gargoyle, ''bras because men wink
their eyes at them on the street.
When men see me they close their
eyes and keep them closed till I've
went past"
The winner Of the second prize, Miss
Ellen Hedge Of Curve, Tenn, was in
dignant at the decision of the judges.
What beat me" said the Tennessee
sight, was the rule WHICH forced US
to wear a tailored suit over our house
dress and an ulster over that and then
wrap ourselves up III a blanket.
couldn't show half my blemishes. I've
got more defects on my shoulder
blades than the Indiana entry has all
over what she Historically calls her
body"
Only one prize was given in the
mems competition This was award
ed to Mr.. Guthrie Ouch of Americus,
n. j., said TO be the handsomest
man in that city. Mr.. Ouch once
stayed rounds with John L. Sullivan
and at the end OF the bout was obliged
10 remain in his corner till some OF
his more prominent features was re-
turned to him from different parts of
the auditorium One ear and one
nostril fell into the laps of souvenir
fiends and was taken home by same.
These was all Ouch actually lost, but
many of the other recovered parts was
stuck on in the wrong places and the
results, why the least said the better.
The ensemble was perhaps best ex-
pressed by his mothers exclamation
when he entered his home late that
night.
"Well" exclaimed the old lady.
Evening star., 1925-10-18
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

Y n the days before the motor car.
when a man said goodbye he
shook hands and was gone. If
i he was to ride on horseback he
made a brief farewell TO each
person present, shook hands, leaped
upon his horse and was off.
Now that the motor car has come
into use as the general instrument
of visiting, this no longer happens.
The people say goodbye, get into
their motor car, and are not gone.
They make an affectionate farewell
and then sit looking out of their
glass windows while the car goes
"Phut, phut-bang"-and sticks there.
The more dramatic the goodbye.
tho more touching the farewell, the
more determined the car always is
TO say "Phut, phut-bang, and re-
fuse to move.
Witness the familiar scene of the
good bye of the Joneses to the Smiths
at pm. on any Sunday evening
at any rural place where city people
spend their vacation. The Joneses
have motored over in their own car
q real peach, tin all overland have
spent Sunday afternoon with the
Smiths, who have cottage for the
Summer which they call open house,
and where they take care that no.
body gets in at meal times.
When the time has come for the
Joneses to go they all mingle up in
a group with the Smiths and every
body says goodbye to everybody else,
and shakes hands with each one, and
they all say. "Well, we certainly had
a grand time" Then they all climb
into the car, with Mr.. Jones himself
ut tho wheel, and they put their heads
out Of the windows and they say,
"WelI. goodbye, good-bye!" and
wave their hands.
And then the car goes:
"Whrr,r-r-r-r-r.r-r-r-r
bangg'
A wisp Of thin blue smoke rolls
away and when 1t has gone the
Joneses are seen sitting there, abso-
Iutely still. Their car hasn't moved
an inch.
Jones, at the wheel. sticks his head
down among the grips and clutches
and says, II guess she is a little
cold" and the Smiths say, Yes, it
often takes little time to start
them." Then there's Il pause and
nothing seems to be happening and
then very suddenly and cheerfully the
engine Of the car starts making
loud
sPm-rrrr9r-r.r-r-r
On this. all the Joneses and all the
Smiths break out into goodbyes again,
~ talking together:
Evening star., 1925-10-18

people get their toes frozen in the
Sahara desert than in any other spot
on earth. I've seen figures from st.
Louis showing that 1t was SO chilly
there IN July and August you had to
wear fur overcoats at noon. Ever
been there?"
Yes" says I, "but the fact that it's
hot there don't make a guy in Florida
shed his Clothes"
Take it from me-" returns High
Dome.7 cts hot in Florida in Summer
and always will be, and the boom boys
are suckers to try TO play the State as
an all-the-year-around resort. Itll just
make the come-ons sore when they be.
gin friZzling."
How would you play it," asks.
Like it always was played" returns
F'innegan-"as Winter hang-out
With all the dough there is in the
East. automobiles, yachts and the
such. Florida could keep dragging
thousands and thousands more folks
there every year. The all-yeararound
stuff's going 10 hurt the game in the
llODg run
Evening star., 1925-10-18

end to end there wouldn't never be
a Florida husband come home to SUM-
day dinner-they would simply play
on forever meath the shade of their
sheltering golfcaps. Amt that SO.
boy?
And Mr.. Goofnah says, check to
that, George we certainly have, mea i
we do. Why even the telephone poles
and fences, in parts of Florida are SO
rich and luxuriant they grow a hand
some variety of Spanish moss. the
kind that can be used for mattress
stuffing or chewing tobacco, at will.
In fact. George, says Mr.. Goofnah, we
have bumper crops of pretty near
everything, especially tourists-why
the bumper crop of tourists was SO
heavy last season, they was humping
into each other on the streets all the
time.
I tell you what, George, says Mr..
Goofnah, the only thing we got that's
not a success. is the cemeteries-we
certainly have the meanest, scantiest
lot of cemeteries i ever seen. on ac-
count so few of our citizens have so
far taken up their residences as yet.
70 will say, however. he says, that the
ones that have taken up their options
in our cemeteries are certainly per-
manent.
X x
A III. but old timer, says George.
There's one bumper crop you
amt as yet mentioned that we raise
down there-and raise and raise and
raise and still can't meet the demand
l am speaking Of real estate values!
You said a dictionary, says Mr..
realize how things is going. Now I
know case where a feller went down
there not many years ago with a
bunch of toothpicks and 40 cents in
cash. Well, he give the cash for 80
acres OF ocean front, built a bungalow
on it with the toothpicks. and last
week he sold out for a quarter of a
million cold. Sounds hot TO me, says
George.
And then take another case I know,
Mr.. Goofnah went on, there was a
bird bought "a lot over in Loo Loo Park
on Wednesday for 81 800 so cents down,
$4,000, s'fact! Hot tamale. says
George, and getting up out of his
morris chair he done a morris dance
and a Spanish-type Fandango. Florida
style, or sort OF stacatto stucco. Say,
tell me more! he says.
Oh well, says Mr. Goofnah, of
course the fellers that got in the
game way back in '9S, and so forth
why they are having the best OF 1t.
But there Is still heap of money
to be made, as I'm conner show you
And now l guess we better run along.
we got quite a trip ahead of us to-
morrow. With which remark they
says good night and we says ditto
And when the door was closed Geo
turned to me with a strange glitter in
his ewes.
Evening star., 1925-10-18
Mystery of Wyrick's Holy Stone

stood on a bluff about 500 feet above
water level, and was described as "a
truncated circular pyramid, 40 feet
high. with a base diameter of 1S2
feet"
The stone of the pyramid was
bought and removed by the State to
use in the reservoir, and after a num-
ber of wagonloadS had been hauled
away n small mound of clay, about
Z feet high, was disclosed, and
this was explored by David Wyrick of
Newark, an engineer by profession,
antiquary by taste.
1t proved to be a sepulcher of clay,
covering a protective arch of rock,
beneath which, embedded in the clay,
was a primitive coffin of the sort made
familiar to us in the National Museum,
a log followed by charring and then
scraping with stone AK. In 1t were
the remains of a skeleton, copper
bracelets and locks of black hair
described as beautiful" The coffin
and its wooden support were saturated
with water, but it was lined with a
prepared clay, unknown in the local
ity, which kept the contents so dry
that when the fine cloth on which
they lay was touched 1t crumbled to
powder.
This so interested Mr.. Wyrick that
he began careful search for other
human remains, in the center of a
small depression he found connected
with section of the mounds nearby.
1t was about 20 feet round and feet
deep, and he had gone some 16 inches
through the top soil when he came to
a clay and pebble layer. An oblong
of red quartz caught his eye, and he
| began to dig with great care. Some
| Is inches farther down he came upon
the holy stone.
The shape of the stone, as pictured
| In an old wood cut of the period, is
| not unlike a pocket-fiask, but all of
| its sides are rounded, and slope to a
! narrow, rounded base; the neck has
! a flat-topped terminal knob, evidently
meant for suspending it from a chain
or cord.
1t is described as five inches long
is the color and texture of whetstone
| Is finely polished, and has, in intaglio
on all four sides, we'll cut characters II
These We're declared to be Obsolete
Evening star., 1925-10-18

Say my dear, he says. I'm Just crazy
to hear what old Goofnah picks up
for us. with them 500 smackers he
ought to get something pretty big,
say 1000 acres or so. And say. do you
know, he says. l amt so sure we Will
sell all of ii. at that-just say about
half of it. when the price gets right.
Then we could build ourselves pa
latial Spanish type bungalow home
on the other half, after all, says
George, 500 acres would be plenty for
a gentleman's estate. even down
there.
] might, he considers. put in a pri
vate polo field, and "a nine-hole golf
course for me and Joe Bush to play
over-Oh boy! l can just see old Joe's
face when | ask him down. And we
might have a yacht basin put in II
the land happens to be on the ocean
front. / have always thought it would
be kinda fun to have a yacht in
Florida.
Well, Geo. / says. when it comes
to yacht basins. you may be right,
1t is quite possible we will be able to
get us one of them small porcelain
kind. But don't count your real estate
until you get the title.
" X X X
WELL Hot Bozo. / gotter confess
l was pretty much excited about
the deal myself, and time seemed to
kinda drag along while we was wait
ing 10 hear from Mr.. Goofnah and
our money. And when a night letter
come from Mr.. Goofnah we could
hardly wait TO open 1t.
1t says. Delray, Fla. Mite, Blue X
11:25. Have just sold Florida sand
off wheels of my auto for eleven thou
sand clear profit stop Bought you "a
front foot on Dixie highway and am
mailing you same today by insured
parcels post stop Advise you put IL in
safe deposit vault at once as am GER
tain Of six hundred per cent increase
by height of season congratulate
Goofnah.
It's a outrage! says George, he had
ought of had better sense then to
throw away my money like that
where am / going TO put my golf
course on that parcel OF land? And
! besides, l amt got any safe deposit
| box!
Well, while I was still speechless
and George hadn't yet come down
from the ceiling. who would come
back but the Western Union mes
senger, with another wire, a straight
| message this time. To say we tore
| 1t open is putting the facts too mild
Delray, Fla. Green, straight III
says this one. And then it went on
to remark. Have just sold your u
| front foot on Dixie for eighty thou
sand dollars cash, twenty per cent
down and balance in 1884 years
wire If satisfactory and send back
property to me by return mail Much
! Mysteries in which 1 hope you join
me-Goofnah.
Copyright, 1925D
Evening star., 1925-10-18

it be, only that Mr.. Goofnah which he
Is in the real estate business and his
wife was with him.
Well, folks, says Mr.. Goofnah, we
just dropped in to tell you goodbye.
We're conner run down to Florida and
pick up a coupla million. And his wife
says yes, Mr.. Goofnah has consider
able interests in real estate down
there. And l says sure, l believe he's
got interest in real estate there, so
have we, but has he any property?
OF course he has, says she. or rather
he did have until he turned 1t over
And found nothing underneath?
Geo. wanted to know. Nothing only a
gold mine, says Mr.. Goofnah, high
hating Geo, what we are going down
for now is to buy some more land be-
fore prices so up any higher. Well
but, says Geo. do YOU know anything
about land down there-I mean on a
big scale? I'll say / do, says Mr.
Goofnah, why it was me put the &C in
acreage. That's what l want, says
Geo. Acrea ge-lot of lots and I'm all
set to come across with $500 in real
actual money. I'd like for you to
handle it for me.
x
A LII right. says Mr.. Goofnah, you
can make money with even that
much. | will put you in my syndicate.
And Geo. says well don't forget to put
me in your monthly balance as we'll
And by the way, Mr.. Goofnah. what
kind Of place is Florida, anyways?
Well, says Mr.. Goofnah. that de-
pends on whether you own real estate
down there or not. But as YOU now
practically as good as own some, 1
will slip you the real, inside dope.
Florida is more like Florida than any
thing you can possibly imagine. To
commence with 1t is filed with out
spread palms, cocoanut palms, wait
ers' palms, bellhop palms, and the
glad hands of the natives, on account
we sure do like to make strangers
feel at home.
And if the welcomer generally
shakes hands with one hand and tries
to sell you a piece Of real estate with
the other, why you gotter admit where
it's profitable for both. AS for the
ones we got down there, mostly
Spanish tripe, especially where we live
out at Del-Dillpickle Vista, It's lit.
tie. but oh my! Some bungalow
Spanish-on-t the half-shell.
And 1 tell you George. Mr.. Goofnah
went on, we got more ocean and a
better quality Of it, than any other
part of the world per quart. No kid
ding. We got the best auto roads
and the fewest auto trucks to cramp
your style on them of any State
that is, of course, per capita, yunder-
stand.
Yeh, says George, getting en-
thusiastic. too, why we got the biggest
number of biggest hotels down there,
amt we, Tom? And, if all the first
class golf links in Florida was pIaced
Evening star., 1925-10-18

hundred years to find out that it's not
hot there in Summer. I've been there
in July and August. and If it's not
hotter than the hinges of Hades-that
wet. sticky heat you get all along the
gulf sections-Im the King Of Siam s
mother-in-law."
y
N 4 CCORDING to what folks say"
I tells him, Its been nice and
cool down there this Summer"
What does guy with hysteria
know about weather." asks High
Dome" do you think when a fel-
ler's throwing a At he knows or cares
whether it's eighty in the shade or a
hundred and eighty? A bunch of
boomers could go up in Labrador and
get so wrapped up in putting their
stuff across they'd imagine ice cakes
were pineapples."
Just the same" 1 argues. I've
seen figures of the temperature down
there"
Figures, eh?" sneers Finnegan. Il
could get you up set Of hand-picked
figures that would prove that more
Evening star., 1925-10-18

Hebraic" by the learned men of the
day who examined it.
The Rev. j. w. McCarty of Newark.
Hebrew scholar, translated the
words on three of the sides TO mean
Holy of holies,'' The word of the
law" and 'The word of the Lord"
X X X x
The interest in the strange find re-
ceived a tremendous impetus in the|
Autumn of the same year QS601, whenI
Mr.. Wyrick found in another mound
a stone box, nearly egg.shaped, thel
two halves fitting together by a joint
running lengthwise round the stone.
Within 1t was another stone. Z inchesI
long and 3 wide, having cut in good
relief on its fiat side a human figurel
surrounded by characters.
This, too, was taken TO the Rev. Mr.
!! McCarty to interpret, and the gist of
his statement is:
THE words over the head of the,
human figure contain three letters.
Two of these are Hebrew, SheiE
and Heth.
1.-The third, I take to be Mem, aa
it's form is exactly like the old Gaelid
Muin, and it always answers to it.
This gives the word Mosheh1
Moses) or Meshiac (Messiah).
Some of the characters look like
the Hebrew coin characters, some like
the Phoenician alphabet. a few bear
resemblance to those on the Grave
Creek stone" and some he could not
identify by any known alphabet.
The Grave Creek stone to which
| he referred was a small tablet found
| in a mound near Winchester, Va.
| having an inscription in cuneiforn
characters like the ancient Phoenix
clan.
Who brought the index stone of
temple and a table of the law into tl!e
! land of the OhioS?
| When and by whom were they pu1
in the house OF the dead?
If it was fake, who had the gor
geous imagination to thrust the In
| dians back to the lost tribes O
Israel by such stone talk?
The Civil War broke out in thl
April following the meeting held ii
| Newark and there were no NOR
| memoranda from those who could tel
what became Of Wyrick's holS stons
Evening star., 1925-10-18

"O the editor: Last wk. l wrote
you in regards to the mems
beauty contest at What
/ Cheer, Ia, and tho mems
radio contest held In our
basement in which the writer of this
here was unanimously selected as Mr..
Radio for the season of 1925. This
wk. / will try and describe the Ladies
and Gents Eyesore Exposition to
choose the ugliest man and the ugliest
woman in the good old U. 8. A. This
event was held in Moomaw, Nebraska,
which is generally believed to have
the homeliest name of any American
town.
The contest amongst the women was
the closest in history and it was only
after a bitter argument that the
judges finally picked Miss Lucy Groo.
tie, of Bobo, Indiana. AS the name OF
Miss America had been bestowed on
Miss Lanphier of California in the fe-
male beauty event at Atlantic City
last mo-, 1t was thought suitable by
some that the Indiana girl should be
christened Miss Greece. Other sug-
gestions from those with passion for
plays on words was Mistake. Mis-
shapen, Misfortune and Misprint, but
these was all finally discarded In IA
vor of Miss Deal.
Following is the official statistics on
Miss Grootle as of Oct. II: Age, So
years; weight, 1856: height, feet q;
hair, sparse; eyes, right, mischievous:
left, stationary; mouth. normal. 3
inches: expanded, y inches; nose,
mythical; jaw, reactionary; neck, nor
NAL. 1914; in the Wen season, 10; COM
plexion, plaid; ankles, left. % inches;
right, Is inches.
The judges was Mr.. Simon II. Pat
ton, of Goose, Oregon. veteran inmate
| of the Home for the Blind, and Mrs.
Elliott Grewsome, Pittsburgh cpl
| leptic. First prizes was an S-piece
bathing suit. while second prize was
! the handle of a broken looking glass.
These prizes was awarded immediate
| ly after the parade of all the entrants
up and down the alley behind Brew
ster's pool hall This event was
quite dark in, Moomaw. While she
| donned her prize. Miss Grootle was In
| terviewed by a b!indfolded reporter
from the Binghamton Bat.
"They call me a happer." she said,
| "but that is on account of my ears.
| However. they can call me what they
| like as long as they don't call me
| late to supper" she added with a
laugh that showed her tooth.
ITO what do you attribute your sue
cess?"
ITO prenatal influence" replied the
/ Indiana hag. During the year prior
| to my birth my father was superin-
tendent Of apes at the Omaha ZOO"
| "And what do you intend to do
, now?" she was asked.
| II am considering several (2) Of
! fers One is a job as scarecrow on