New Britain herald., 1925-08-08

time, Is recuperating from injuries sustained last Sunday when he was learning to drive friends automo- Ligo and he gave out the following dissertation regarding automobiles in general:
 Automobiles Is all right in their place, but their place Is in q garage or In one of them show windows where the public passes by and says, I wish l had one of them and then goes on about it's business, never giV- in the thing thought until they ccme by again and says, I wish l had one of them.'
 "From this time thence I'm agoin' Ito treat automobiles with the same degree of carclessness that I'd treat Jim Carlctons red bull when he's sort of peeved. I had experiences with automobiles that the inventors never dreamed of and 1 bet l could get in one of them things and do stunts that some of these here trick riders would lay themselves down in envy and bust right out cryin'.
 "The weather last Sunday was nice. but that's about all l can say night l don't know whether 1t rained CT showed. l was busy callin on St. Peters private secretary.
 T went out fer ride with one of New Britain's prominent citizens what owns right smart lookln' lit- tie gasoline buggy. as folks up home is like to call 'em. This friend of mine could drive that car like all get out, and l watched him fer IaWhile and I says to myself, well l guess l could do that. The answer is right here on this snowy white cot and the rest of it, if you're one bit doubtful that I can drive a car, is down town in a garage waitin' to have new innards put into it,
 How it all happened was this. The foller 1 was with showed over in the seas and sez, Can you drive 9 I sez sure I could, havin' watched him fer nigh on to half hour. So he puts me in the drivers seat and l pushed in tho foot pedal like l seen him do and grabbed ahod on was stCkin' up through the floor, I pulled on that lever and then took my foot offcn the pedal like I'd seed him do, The automobile did won derful acrobatic jump backwards and stopped dead. A fell in a car behind up got out and pulled the engine of his car offen the drivers seat.
 'l seed by that time that I was in the wrong so I soz to him that l ain't never drove no car like that land would he show me what to do. He did such. l pushed in the pedal again and this time we did a spiral straight ahead and again stopped. l sez to him that the car must be out of gas. Ilo sez to mo to shut up, you fool, and don't strip the gears answered yes to him and again started the car with the self starter, which had to be pressed by the foot.
 "The next time 1 was more lucky in gettin' goin'. We proceeded along with great big jumps and when stepped on the gas lever and the au- tomobile loapt out from under us. By the time l had got onto stcarin' the darncd thing, the car was hea q d In for pasture and roaring like all get out. l turned the wheel sharp around and pretty near ruined a cute little car what was proceedin' [ along the turnpike. The driver looked at me and scz somethin'. Ii was a short talk, but to the point. After that we rolled along the road , on q course like a drunken sailor , and every once in awhile my foot would slip off the gasoline pedal and , the car would slow down a lot, espe- , Cially on hills. We come to a hill and the driver sc2 to put it into sec ond. l pushed the lever ahead like I'd seen him do and they was a great grinding noise and the motor , stopped and the car started down the hill goin' backwards just to make it harder for mo.
 T didn't have the slightest idea about what 10 do and l told the fel- Ter so. We stopped pretty soon and q fellcr in car behind just barely got ont of tho way while We ran down that there hill like butter , down the side of a ear of hot boiled corn, What become of that feller l never did find out. I was too busy for the next few minutes, lt must of been finn watchin' them cars a., was comin' up inc hill just q little apart like well combed hair and sort of jump up in the air and land out of danger l finally brought that there buzz wagon 10 a stop, that is after l was helped by a large and l substantial tree which did not follN U the examples set by the other auto. s mobiles.
 When that friend of mine come Q to, he looked around and soz 10 me
 Was they many killed?' I sez no l thanks to my ability 10 operate z automobile. He looked over the pile of tin and iron what had once beer q the product of a reputable firm ant
 was lahled, Take me home witt y you'. He didn't say much while { was with him. All he sez was blanL v spaces as far as this here talk O ours is concerned, cause under
 stand that you're p!annin' 10 prin r if in your newspaper and send afore
 sed newspaper into some of the. hes ' homes in this city. where cuss word y is little knowed nor long remember
 ed.
 - well, all that there conversation I took place whilst the two of us Wa z, reclinin' on the ground, that is, was reclinin' on the ground and m, S friend was standin' up after havin
 just been reclinin' on the ground. I stayed there, since about six tons 0
 marked the summer boarder.