davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
you straight in the eye and says:
"A fish kicked you.-

you straight in the eye and says:
"A fish kicked you"
What can you do? What can you
say? The thought of it drives one
half distracted. To get out of COM
PROMISING situation like that. Imagine
being kicked by a fish. What can you
gay?
You just fall in your own trap.
SO the winner today to get the
two Palace tickets is nobody else but
the Elephant Editor.
And when he was handed the two
ducats to the Palace, he said:
I'll give them to the first two red
haired girls named Susie or Mabe
who bring in some votes for the ele'
plants" So there you are. If you
can't get n snappy comeback for "So'S
your old man," maybe your name is
Susie or Mabel and you are read
haired, and if so you can get the
tickets, anyway.
Now let's have a lot of comebacks
to "So's your old man." You know
how that leaves you with that tired
feeling, sort of helpless, so pitch in
everybody, and get a good comeback
that will put SOS your old man
clear down and out. Write as many
as you want to. Mail or bring them
to the Old Man Editor of The Light
and maybe you will win two tickets
to the Palace.
Two tickets are awarded every day
for the best comeback to SOS your
old man."
Mail your comeback in today.
Here are some:
That's why I'm mean.
I've got my opinions.
He's dropped his crutches.
Sis says so, too.
They made him that away.
So longs it's square.
He's eating peanuts.
He's been Incorporated,
That's static for you.
Sos the ant eater.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
WHAT
THE OLD NAN
EDITOR COT
A Fish Kicked You; That's
Sure to Stop That
Tantalizing Gag.

Well, here's what the Old Man
Editor got in his mail. Fifty-sevcn
letters!
All comebacks to "SO's Your Old
Man" that nerve-racking fiat that puz.
zled San Antonians so long, because
they had to hush right up.
But the person who relies on SOS
Your Old Man" to end any conversa-
ton now is doomed for disappoint-
ment, for all kinds of snappy answers
have been thought up to throw him
into spasms of despair, for with one of
these brand new answers, he has to
think fast.
Suppose you address some smart
language to somebody and then think
ing you have him in a corner hurl at
MIN SOS your old man." and then
rear back in your swivel chair and
think you've got him buffalocd.
But suppose he leans forward. looks
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
VARIETY OF LOOT
TAKEN BY THIEVES

Prowlers looted the rooms of two
victims Tuesday night, according to
reports TO Detective Sergeant Herbst.
Roy Ayers, 31S East Commerce
street, lost a suit of clothes, three
fountain pens, 50 in currency, and a
suit case. The articles were stolen
f. n his trunk.
A suit of clothes, an Army model
pistol, and a new hat were stolen
from II. c. Church, 2314 Wyoming
street.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
JOHN A. WALL WINS
Defamation MEET

John A. Wall was declared winner
in the inter-society defamation con-
test held at Main Avenue High School
over six other contestants. The sub
ject of the winning defamation was
Ideas Are Stronger Than Armies"
Judges were Wallace Butler, II. Y.
May and Miss Kate Douglass, teach
crs
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

stand to give Wise Owl, but is afraid
to send it to him.
The skunk has not forgotten the
trick one of the ostriches played on
him last year.
After he had sent a pair of garters
to the ostrich he has in mind, he re-
cciyed bottle of perfume in return.
The skunk hasn't been able to live
that down and is afraid it will be re-
vived this December %.
Perhaps the most serious difficulty
will occur in the lion cage Christmas
Day. King Lion has been wanting
Kipling's Jungle Book.
LION WANTS BOOK.
And King Lions better half has
her heart set on an expensive mani
cure set, the import duty on which
was enough to buy a medium priced
automobile.
1t has been learned from one who
knows that the husband has pur-
chased Kipling's Jungle Book for the
mistress Of the house-and the latter
has bought the manicure set of her
desire for hubby.
And a word about the elephants.
While everyone is debating whether
to send them remembranccs, Mr.. and
Mrs. Elephant have resolved to prac.
tice strict economy this season.
Mr.. Elephant told Commissioner
Lambert his plan the other day.
WANT TO STAY IN S. A.
As it is costing San Antonio school
children quite a bit of their spending
money to keep them here, the ele-
plants don't feel as if they should be.
come extravagant this Christmas.
Mr.. Elephant will visit the 10-cent
store next week and select pretty
Christmas and New Years cards fol
his and his wife's friends in the zoe
and back in Africa.
Il hope no one gives US anything
very nice" Mrs. Elephant remarked
to the park commissioner.
"All we want for Christmas is &
! chance to live in San Antonio"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
GERMAN TABLEAUX
GIVEN AT SCHOOL

Four tableaux taken from German
scenes of the Yuletide will be pre-
scented by students of Breckenridge
High School, in the school auditorium,
Wednesday, December 16.
The tableaux will be under the d.
rection of Miss Leilet Richter. Two
presentations of the scenes will be
given, one at 3 80 and the other at
Z 80 p. m.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
Needs Amending

The manufacture OF poteen Urish
bootleg whisky is spreading so fast
the authorities are up in arms. 1.-THE
Wearin of the Green" will have to be
changed to something like this:
Its the most distressed country
That ever you have seen;
They're pinching men and women
there
For the making of poteen."
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
HOUSTON HIGHWAY
HEAVY WITH MUD

Roads TO Houston are very heavy,
especially from East Bernard on, said
a wire from East Bernard. Tuesday,
to the highway department of the
Chamber of Commerce. Rain has been
falling steadily in that vicinity for the
last few days, the wire said.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
ARCHAEOLOCISTS OF 5000 A.D.
DOOMED TO DISAPPOINTMENT
By BESS CARROLL

One of the eight wonders of the
world is a prehistoric battlc-axe type
Of weapon that polite society once
used as knife, fork, almond spoon and
soup ladlc-whcn they had their COM
pany table manners on. And thereby
hangs a tragic thought
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
Sandy Makes Up Her Mind
That She Will Never
Return to Murillo.
CHAPTER rs

Mrs. Mcneil dabbed her
handkerchief to her fore
head. Her broad, placid
face glowed with the heat,
But her eyes rested on her
daughter; a proud, beaming
look.
Sandy toyed with a crack.
er. She sat very quiet, an
intensity in the lowered
eyes and curved parted lips-her still
ness charged with insurgence.
Her mother felt this. She cast
about uneasily: you're looking very
lovely tonight, Sandy"
"And I'm feeling as risque as ]
look!r
Sandy bowed to young man who
now stopped at their table.
He smiled: "Are you dancing to-
night, Mrs. Murillo?"
She hesitated a moment. Mrs. Nc
neil pressed the cutiole from her
thumbnail, her lips compressed and
nervous Then Sandy said: "Oh, j
believe not, Mr.. Miller. I'm driving
tonight"
Her mothers hands relaxed. The
proud, beaming look returned.
Sandy saw this. Her cheeks flush
ed: "Why the gasp of relief, Isa-
bella? You get the fidgets every
time salute a fellow creature! You
must think I'm plotting deviltry.'
Her mother answered stiffly: 81
hope I can count on my daughter to
act with dignity"
"You mean, Isabella, you can count
on me never wanting TO dance or to
sing or do anything gay and care
'less:"
There's a time and place for ev-
erything, Sandy. Being here without
your husband you can't be too care
full. You must remember this"
Sandy felt a pulse beat holly in
her throat. Her husband Murillo
came before her. The black brows.
The sallow disdain. White cuffs inch
es below his coat sleeves. She mus;
remember him. Her heart lit with
flame.
They went to their room. Mrs. Nc
Neil began fidgeting with the string
of black jet. She loosened the lace
vest. isn't it warm, dear? l think
I'll lie down."
She sighed with relief, drew n sheet
over her. "Why don't you stretch out,
Sandy? Rest little
REST? Oh, I'm not tired" She
thought: "Rest. Ye Gods. Am /
60? Stretch myself out.'' But she
stopped down quickly and kissed her
mothers warm face: II want to en-
joy the scenes here, MOTHER
"Yes-do-we'll soon be leaving. :"
Leaving! What makes you say
tbat?"
Why-we'vc been away much
longer than we intended. Ben thinks
we should soon be ready to leave. H.
asked you about it, didn't he, in his
last letter? He says you didn't an
swer."
Sandy's blood burned through her
body. She asked in n fevcrish hush:
"What did you tell him, mother?"
"That you were feeling wonderful
and looking beautiful again. That it
wouldn't be SO long before he could
expect u.s."
"Oh-you said that?"
Her mother answered sleepily:
ayes, dear. You've had lovely va
cation. You must begin to think of
him now
Sandy tptoed across the room. She
sat on the edge of chair, fiery stains
on her white checks.
She waited for her mother TO snorc.
She got up NJ selessly, swept the
brilliant Spanish shawl about her,
glided from the room.
The warm throb Of the night. the
still purple sky, the palms so quiet
and Sabbath like in the vast, dreamy
lrnns.,,,,aI a.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

What will til,
citizen Of 5000 A.
d. deducc from the
discovery Of the
millions of goll
knickcrs that adult
males are using
now, for instance?
The conclusion is
obvious people
will naturally th;nb
that the race which
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
Bodied Comets!

Another comet has been discovered
making two within a month. Looks
like q bumper crop of comets this
year. The newest one has no tail.
Wonder II the comets are being bob
bed7
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

When archaeolo-
lists of 5000 A. ID.
tart diggin 6
around in the ruins
Of 102J's lost com
monplaccs, what
kind of civilization
will they think we
had, if any?
Digging up the
past always makes
somebody uncom-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
Mans Dilemma

A Paris woman shot her husband
when he refused to give her her usual
daily allowance. 1t was another Illus
tratlon OF the fact that the man who
falls to '1xick In these days is very
likely to "kick Off"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
We Have

A Kansas farmer wants to sell
to California a freak calf born on
his farm. Why pick on them.
Haven't they enough freaks In Cali
fornia now?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
When You're Blue

Colors are effective in curing dis
ease, says a London scientist. yell
low restores nerves. Green increases
vitality. If you're blue try another
color.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

which will prob
ably accumulate
many tales by then
when not a horse
can be found /; and
the discovery of Q
bottle the size Of 0
milk bottle in the
hip pockets OF
grown men-which
will OF course. lead
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
The Sheep Herder

LII Bo-Peep lost her sheep;
She didn't cry; she didn't weep.
But she yelled: "Oh, murder"
And the lost sheep herder.
-Gjuro.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
Same Here

Sunny days and starry nights"
is a phrase in an advertisement
Of Hollywood in Florida" Isn't
it strange that We have the same
things here?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
One Thing in Common

Batteries, clocks and watches
have this much in common: They
are all inclined to run down.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
AUX Egg Auction

A great auk's egg is to be sold
in London shortly, and very APP
propriately, the auk's egg is to be
auctioned.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
.H0, HUM! DRAT.
THAT ALARM!
{. A. IDEA
Of SLEEP
Alamo City Of Opinion
That Clemenceau's
Plan All Wet

How many hours do You sleep1
Clemenceau, S4-year-old former pre-
mier Of France, claims from three TO
five hours are enough for him-pro-
vided he gets to bed before midnight.
The ex-premier blows out his lamp
at s p. m. and sleeps soundly until
the cock announces the arrival of mid
night from the fence top. Then he
gets up.
Sleepless tests conducted by Georya
Washington University scientists have
caused some learned men to declare
that sleep is only a form of intoxica-
ton, which follows the systems abb
sorption Of poisons during wakeful
hours.
And, as far as San Antonio Is con-
cerned Clemenceau and those watch
ing the Washington sleep tests can
limit their time between the blankets
to three heurs-more or less.
But Mayor John W. Tobin, local
business men, educators and minis
tiers intend to stick to the eight-hour-
a-day schedule.
How much sleep does the average
man require?" the mayor repeated
the question.
TOBIN LIKES SLEEP.
-Well, 1 get all the sleep 1 cam,
he began. Il turn in at 10 o'clock
and sleep until the alarm goes off at
1880 a. m,," the mayor continued.
Mayor Tobin believes that one ought
to sleep eight hours at the very least
and longer If he can.
Human experience teaches that
eight hours of sleep is necessary for
the average individual" is the opin-
ion of the Rev. Edgar Hubbard, pas.
tor of the Denver Boulevard Presby-
terrain church.
"Early to bed and early to rise is
my motto, and L recommend that one
sleep between the hours of 10 80 p. m.
and 6 80 a. m.," the Rev. Mr.. Hub
bard explained.
Zone performing physical labor,
perhaps, needs about IL hours sleep.
while very active professional man
might remain in trim on Z IL hours"
he said further.
PRO AND CON.
Nat Goldsmith, president of the
chamber of commerce, went into more
detail.
The person between 20 and 25 years
of age should have eight hours sleep
in Mr.. Goldsmith's opinion, while
the individual between % and 80 re-
Quires an hour less in slumber.
When a man is past 80, Mr.. Gold
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

to wild speculations regarding the
manner of men We had.
Current literature will probably
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

Continued on Page %. Part -
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09
PRO AND CON.

Continued on Page rs, Part p
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-09

CONTINUED on Page rs, Part p
Evening star., 1925-09-26
PULLMAN PORTERS' OCTET
WILL SING OVER RADIO

The Pullman Porters' Octet, which
has won an enviabIe reputation since
its organization, last January, will
broadcast a special radio program from
ST. ton WEAR in Cleveland Tuesday
night from 10 to II o'clock. The octet
has been taken to Cleveland to furnish
part of the musical program at the
annual banquet of the National Safety
Convention Wednesday night.
The octet was brought together
through elimination contests. in which
all of the various Pullman porters'
quartets were heard by Glen billiard
Gum, Chicago musical critic. The
director is William Yeas The or
ganiZation assisted in celebrating the
opening of the Seaboard Air Line new
special train from New York to Palm
Beach.
The radio concert at WEAR will
feature old-fashioned negro folk songs.
The Cleveland station also will broad
cast the banquet proceedings Wednes-
day night, at which the octet will sing.
Members of the octet follow: Oscar
Betson. bass. the dean" Of the
octet, who has been singing about 20
years; John Spencer, baritone, the old
est man in years Of Pullman service;
Chester Harris, second tenor; A. n.
Gillem, second tenor; r. V. Ridley,
first tenor: w. L. Van Cant, baritone,
and McQuinn Cyrus. first tenor.
Evening star., 1925-09-26
DELEGATES TO ENTERTAIN

A meeting will be held Monday eve
ming In the parish hall of st. John S
Church, 10th street near H street,
when the delegates from Washington
to the Virginia Summer School of Re
>ous Education of 1925 will enter
tain the Sunday school teachers of
Washington.
For number of years the Episco-
pal Church in the dioceses within the
State of Virginia has maintained a
very inclusive school each Summer
for the training of church workers.
About $50 persons were enrolled at
the school at Sweet Briar. Va, last
Summer. OF these nearly 80 came
from Washington. Each delegate has
been assigned as a topic some phase
of the work Of the school and will ex-
plain briefly to the audience the fea-
lures of this part of the work. Rep.
resentatives from the Summer school
maintained by Delaware and Mary.
land at Ocean City will also be pres
ent with report from that school
After the discussion refreshments will
be served. Mrs. Mary G. D. johnson.
who was the group leader at Sweet
Briar last June, will preside.
Evening star., 1925-09-26
M|N0v|CHES BACK
ON WRC PROGRAM
Aloha Players Also Return to
Air in Hawaiian Reper-
toire.

Dora Minovich, pianist, and Isaac
hllnovich, viOliniSt, popular Washing
ton radio entertainers, will return on
the air tonight through WRC, in Il
Joint recital. The radio audience will
also welcome back the Aloha Players,
under the direction of Alma Wollking,
VINO are scheduled to appear for
half hour, to entertain listeners with
some of their most novel and melo-
dtous Hawaiian airs.
Among the members of the Crandall
Saturday Nighters who will take part
In tonight's entertainment are Hazel
c. Arth, Contralto; Frances b. Cole
soprano; Fred East. baritone; William
Raymond, tenor; Daniel Breeskiu, vio-
, Inist; Viola 7. Abrams. harpiSt: Sig
Newman. saxophonist; Emile Smith,
pianist; Otto f. Beck, organist at the
TivoH Theater, and the Metropolitan
symphony Orchestra. under the direc-
ton of Daniel Breeskin The Crandall
program will be opened at 1890
o'clock, continuing until midnight,
with Nelson Bell presiding over WRC's
microphone.
Other events on the evenings pro-
gram include a dinner concert by Irv-
Ing Boernstein's Hotel Washington
Orchestra; two talks, one by George
III. Clark of the Radio Corporation of
America, and the other by DR.. G.. 8.
Jolliffe of the Bureau of Standards on
''The Electron Tube and dance
concert by Joseph Knecht's Waldorf
Astoria Orchestra, from the Waldorf
Astoria, New York
WRC's program will be opened with
the sport resume at $40 o'clock, fol
lowed by the market summary, pre-
pared by the Department of Agricul-
ture. and the weekly Bible talk, which
tonight will be given by Dr. James
A. Bell, educational director of the
Y. NJ. c. A.
Today's luncheon music will be
played by Daniel Chwalow's Hotel
Hamilton Orchestra.
Evening star., 1925-09-26
PROTESTANT CHURCHES
IN BALTIMORE, 375
cial Dispatch to The Star.

Special Dispatch to The Star.
BALTIMORE, Md, September 26.-
There are more Protestant churches
in Baltimore than the city can prop
erly support. No other city in the
country of the same population has
anything like the number of churches.
This was the statement of Rev. DIR.
l.. W. McCreary. executive secretary
of the Baltimore Federation of
churches, this week.
A survey shows there are approx
mately 375 Protestant churches in
Baltimore and it's suburbs which are
attended by white congregations. In
addition there are las negro Protest
ant churches.
A study of the white churches
shows that "a of them each have a
membership Of from / to 100: 10l
have between 100 and $50 members;
1o2 count from $50 to 500 members:
Sc have from 500 to 1000, and only 13
have more than 1000 members.
The Protestant Church with the
largest membership in the city is said
to be the First (German) Lutheran
which numbers some 1900 members.
The Roman Catholics are credited
with 20 churches in the same territory
as opposed to $40 Protestant
churches-while the Jews maintain SO
synagogues, some of them very small.
Evening star., 1925-09-26
PROMINENT PLACE GIVEN
FALL FOOT BALL BY WEAF
Schedule of Games for Season
Broadcasting to Begin Satur-
day, October II.

Foot ball, the great American sport,
will have a prominent pace on h :
program of WEAF this Fall. The
schedule OF the various loot BAN
matches which will be broadcast
through WEAF and other stations in
the chain includes some of the biggest
of the season, such as the Harvard
Princeton Yale classic trio, the famous
Arny-Navy contest and others which
delight the hearts of the foot ball en-
thusiasts. A running description of
the plays will be broadcast direct from
the sc enc of action.
The schedule follows: Saturday, Oc-
tober II, Army VS.. Notre Dame, Yam
kee Stadium, New York; Saturday,
October "a, University of Pennsyl-
yania VS.. University of Chicago,
Franklin Field, Philadelphia; Satur-
day. October 81. Yale VS.. Army, New
Haven, Conn; Saturday, November Z,
Harvard VS.. Princeton, Princeton,
n. J.; Saturday, November IA. Prince
ton VS.. Yale, New Haven. Conn; Sat
rrday, November 81. Harvard VS..
Yale, Cambridge, Mass; Thursday,
November &c, Cornell vs.. University
of Pennsylvania, Franklin Field, Phil
edelphia; Saturday, November 2S,
Army VS.. Navy, Polo Grounds, New
York.
Evening star., 1925-09-26
CHANGE MADE IN DATE,
First Opera for WGBS Broadcast
ing Scheduled Tuesday.

The next opera in the new season
at WGBS will be broadcast Tuesday
at $3.50 pm. instead of the following
Sunday night, in order that it may be
radioed through WMAF in South
Dartmouth, Mass, before that station
suspends operation until next SUM
mer. Leoncavallo's famous "Pae-
l1acci.' always a favorite of the late
Caruso, has been chosen as the opera
TO be sung at this time and will be
broadcast, as usual, in conjunction
with the Corriere d'America, Italian
newspaper
The tenor role of Canio, the clown,
which Caruso sang, of course, will be
sung by Nino Oldrati. who has tust
come to this country after many sue
cesses in Italy, his native country.
Lucilla Spade, baritone, who has
sung in many of the operas from
WGBS, will have the role of Tonic
(Taddeo). Louis Dele None. tenor.
is to sing Silvio and Nicola Silyani
tenor, will be heard In the role of
Beppo (Iarlequin). There will be two
directors officiating at the broadcast
Ing, Alberto Bimboni and Gualtieu
Fabi.
Evening star., 1925-09-26
WCAP-Chesapeake and Potomac
Telephone Co. 468.5 Meters).
Silent ON SATURDAYS
WRC-Radio Corporation of America
1855 Metersl

1855 Meters).
p.m.-Daniel Chwalow's Hotel
Hamilton Orchestra broadcast from
the Hotel Hamilton.
$40 pm.-Base ball scores
6:45 p.m.-Market summary prepar-
ed by the Department of Agriculture
p.m.-Irving Boernstein's Hotel
Washington Orchestra, broadcast from
the Hotel Washington.
p.m.-Bible talk by DIR. James A.
Bell, educational director, Y. NJ. c. A,
under the auspices of the Mems Or
ganized Bible Glass Association.
SIS p.m.-"The Hewlett Loud
Speaker" by George H. Clark of the
Radio Corporation of America.
S:25 p.m.-The Aloha Players under
the direction of Alma Wolking.
S:45 p.m.--"The Electron Tube" by
DR.. G B. Jolliffe of the Bureau of
Standards
9 p.m.-Joint recital by Dora Mino-
vich, pianist, and Isaac Minovich, vio-
linist.
$50 p.m.-Joseph Knecht's Waldorf
Astoria Orchestra, broadcast with sta
tion WIZ from New York.
1890 p.m.-"Crandalls Saturday
Nighters." including Hazel C. Arth.
contralto; Frances B. Cole, soprano:
Fred East, baritone; William Ray
mond. tenor: Daniel Breeskin, violin
ist; Viola T. Abrams, harpist; Sig New
man, saxophonist; Emile Smith, plan
tsti Otto f. Beck, organist, and the
Metropolitan Symphony Orchestra. un-
der the direction of Daniel Breeskin.