The Washington times., 1925-05-02
i With The
lAlibi Artists
| A Cross Section of the
Daily Grind in Judge
SchuIdt's Court
Read EN- and Weep.
By DONALD McDOUGAL.
Analysis of Traffic Rules.


fate to see the funny side OF
things. When we report a col
lision, for instance, we don't see
the busted legs, the smashed
ribs or the crushed skulls-were
more interested III the alibi side
of 1.-THE rambling, circuitous
testimony of how the defendant
left skid marks twenty feet long
when he locked his brakes and
slid that distance up a three per
cent grade from a six-mile-mile-
an-hour start-the way he tells it..
Moreover and besides, we want
to get hunks with JUDGE NAT
TINGLY who said that If we
were traffic director, any regula-
tions promulgated by US, while
they might withstand the objec-
tions of the keenest lawyers,
would have the added charm of
providing light and cheerful lit
erature that would put Life,
Judge, the Congressional Record,
and other humorous publications
out OF the running-or words to
that general effect.
We Have q Rival.
We've just been running through
the new traffic regulations to see
IL there's anything in our line in
them, and were about ready to
quit when we came across this
one:
"The tare weight and the net
weight shall be painted by the
owner or owners thereof on both
sides of the vehicle in a con-
spicuous manner"
That only applies to delivery
wagons, which is fortunate for
most Of US, because the law
makes 1t obligatory for the own
ers to do the painting themselves.
They can't hire it done. the way
the law reads.
And they've not only got to
paint It, but they've got to paint
it in q conspicuous manner. We
can't find conspicuous defined
anywhere in the regulations, so
there Is considerable leeway for
individual taste.
How to Do It.
We suggest that II the vehicle
were to be parked at the corner
Of Fourteenth and r. say. about
o'clock, some pleasant after
noon, and the owner or owners
were to march out of the Willard,
one with a punch-bowl contain
ing the red paint, the other with
q camel's-hair brush; one wear
ing a derby hat, open-faced vest,
Palm Beach coat, Highland kits,
napper-rolled stockings and bath
slippers; his companion in a two
gallon at, union-alls, leather
army leggins, and barefoot; the
bowl man kneeling like an Egyp-
tian mural decoration, the active
partner hanging from the car
top by his toes while he paint
ed; nearly anv court would decide
that the job had been done in a
conspicuous manner.
1t might not be necessary 20
go to such an extreme, but the
penalty clause says the owner
can be fined anywhere from 81
to $500 or sent to Jail for ten
days If the job isn't conspicuous
enough, so it's best not to take
any chances.
Fair Enough.
But the Director plays square
all the way through, and doesn't
ask anything of others that he's
not willing to do himself. OBJ
serve:
motor vehicles shall have at
least two head lamps, of a type
approved by the Director mount
ed on the front Of the vehicle"
We, can't tell from the text
whether the Director means to
straddle the hood, using the fend-
ers for stirrups, or stand grace
fully with one foot on the radi.
ator cap, the other pedal ex-
tremity poised daintily in the air,
a garland of roses on his brow
and a scarf waving ethereally
from his waist. like a painting en-
titled "Springtime" we've seen
somewhere; but whichever way
he intends to pose, Wen take
SO bet that II he'd been mount
ed on the front Of our tin lizzie
last Sunday when we got home
from Herald Harbor, he'd ~
prove anything and be damn
quick about it, the way lizzie Was
boiling.
A Mean Advantage.
But we sure had a whale of
time, going, coming, and while
we wer ethere, the only untoward
event being when the alibi man
sat down on an unprotected straw
berry short-cake, inadvertently.