davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
Mutter and Mum bic

Mutter-I think that cpild get
along with a woman like your wife.
Mumble-so could ! II she wasn't
too much like her.
Mutter-Is she going to sue you
for diyoreeY
Mumble--I 5ope so.
Mutter-Do you think she'll mac
~ another man?
Mumble--I dbn't know. but it's
cinch she wat marry me again.
Mutter-Lots of men get happi-
ness out Of marriage.
Mumble-Sufe. Out Of II.
Mutter-Well, you went into 1t
with your eyes open.
Mumble--Yes, and / came out OF
II with them closed.
Muttcr-How much alimony do
you expect to pay herf
Mumble--Haf.
Mutter-Half Of whatY
Mumble-Half Of what the Sidse
orders.
Mutter-I thought you were all
wrapped up in your wife.
MumDlc--4NO. III I'LL WTuppcu UP
on account Of her.
Mutter-Don't you know that
matrimony is the road to Heaveny-
Mumble-It ISL
Enthusiastically.
Mumble--Then / must have got
on the wrong road.
Mutter-You can't get married
without spats.
Mumble-You're crazy. ! didn't
wear any at my wedding.
Mutter-Well I'm perfectly con'
tented.
Mumble-Is that 80. whom did
you marryi
Mutter-Don't be silly. ! mar
ried my wife.
Mumble-Don't be silly yourself.
II she was your wife you wouldn't
have had 10 marry her.
Mutter-And IL we ever separate,
I'm going TO get married again.
Mumble-So viii /. but I'll prob
ably take a vacation first.
Muttcr-When / went TO the altar
! promi I'D to love. honor aud obey.
Mumble-That's a lovely senu-
ment, but when / take nv next wife
I'm going to try some new words.
Muttcr-What are thew
Mumblc-Stop, Look and Dodge.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
BY JOHN P. MEDBURY-

Mutter-Did her mother butt in
on the quarrel?
Mumble-No. she was home hay-
ing a fight with her own husband.
Mutter-How long have you and
your wife been on bad termsi
, Mumble-A year and a half.
Mutter-That's not 50 much. How
long have you been married.
Mumble-A year and a half.
Mutter--Weren't you ever happy?
Mumble-Certainly. / was single
for 20 years.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

the scent in the early morning when
the dew is still on the grass and
after a fox is jumped follow him till
they catch him or he goes to earth.
Often the chase lasts for hours with
checks while the fox '1ies doggo"
eluding the pack, and by the time
the days run is over the man and
woman who have been riding the
hunt are anywhere from one to a
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

JUNIOR haVng patience svth these extraneons remayks
What did she do?
BILL What did she do What did uliette Peach do? Why
she spcnt all the time sneering at poor Julius Cocoanu
Look you she would say in her sneerfu young voice
. How could anybody like your YOU hard, uneeng
wretch You unassimlated alien"
JUNIOR: What's that? ~,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Mumble-I was going to, but she
showed me.
Mutter-Are you sure there
wasn't any argument.
Mumble-Yes.
Mutter-She didn't hit you for
nothing. did she?
Mumble-Well you don't think !
paid her, do you?
Mutter-Maxbe ale was dissatis-
fled with the amount Of money you
gave he.
Mumble-She couldn't have been,
! didn't give her any.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

toonists. Let any one of them climb
aboard a full made siIteen-hand
hunter some time and see II there is
anything light and airy about the
ancient sport. 1t takes skill, knowl-
edge, experience, and indomitable
courage to ride after hounds and
every now and then some rider is
killed at il.
Foxhounds are usually thrown on
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

and took Julius Cocoanut and uette Peach home with her.
think she paid for uliette Peach and twenty-five
cents for Julius Cocoanu You imagine how furious
that made Julette But that wasn't all Ah no. far from il
No, no. indeed No. and again no.
MAMIE: Could you possibly mean mop
BILL: No Where /? Oh yes Well before the week was
the weather turned very warm oh, very, very warm
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Toes can always outrun knuckles.
They were only married three
years but she used up nine pairs
Of boxing gloves.
She didn't worry about clothes,
she spent all Of her money on
leather goods.
Her husband had to dodge so
many blows that he got st. Yitus'
dance.
She didn't make him a very good
wife but she made him a good hus-
band.
Staying home with her was like
spending the day with an earth
quake.
He had to wear shock -absorbers
on his ears.
He never had to 90 for any walks
in the yard. She knocked him all
around the grounds.
The only vacation he ever had
was when she broke her arm.
Thousands Of couples are now
living a-la-carte. The wife serves
the husband with a battle every
time he orders one.
Copyright Ass. King Feature syn. Inc.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23


imagine it could have been? Nssf
JUNIOR: know. She got overheated
BILL: Well, that's part of it.
JUNIOR Did she faint?
BILL: Yes only hat-ste just naturally went bad
all to pieces Oh was terrble But Julius Cocoanut ah
he turned hair There he stood on the shelf just
calm and poised he used to be when he hung his
family back there is dear old Senegamba maybe
it was Zanzibar.
PA Cooking np from his pope) Can't you get other sta
ton?
BILL: Zanzibar isn't bad.
MAMIE 1t incredible but actually would rather hear
you play the saxophone
BILL: Jealousy only of your many faults sweet sister,
There envy guony pride, covetousnes anger oth--
MAMIE: Oh, shut UP!
BILL: Your perfect comeback Now where i1et
et,sa ~
JUNIOR: Zanzibar.
BILL: Zanzibar Oh yes Well there was Juiette Peach
the Shelf and there Julius Cocoanut the SHELF and
the weather very hot and great beads of pepspraon
stood the brow of the coored cook, whose
Geraldine Vertigo Asperina Duodenum Jones. She had
large knife in her hand all steel and shiny and with that
she cut Juiete Peach wide open with swift slash and
with the other hand she took large and she opened
Julius Cocoant with sturdy blow And then, what do
you suppose? The heart of the beautiful but proud Juete
Peach hard and bitter but the heart of the despsed
and scorned Julius Cocoanut soft and sweet and filled
Overlooking with the milk of human kindness Ah yes,
dear Junior there moral this story but it's darn
silly
MA: Why, l think that's mighty nice moral.
Junior: What's the rest of the story?
Bills That's all there is What do you think of it, Did you
like it?
MAMIE DON'T encourage the child to lie How gould he
like it?
BILL turning to Pa) How did you like it. Pa?
PA: Is it finished?
BILL: Yes certainly
PA: It's fine It's splendid ITO MAJ What's that kid doing
up this hour Of the night? Put him to bed.
JUNIOR (noa0 the center of cast ontry don't wanna
to bed It's too early go to bed wanna mother stby
Tell me another story, Bill.
MA Clearing him Gacay): No, you gotta bed Maybe
brother Bill will tell you another story other night
MAMIE wouldn't tell him that just before he goes sleep
Ma He'll dream all night
BILL: fAw shut up
MAMIE: Shut up, yourself
PA: Shut up, the both of youy
MAJ Be still there can't you'll I'm trying to get this child
to sleep
JUNIOR: don go to sleep!
(BHt he'll haze to, just the SdnsethdfS one of those
childish joys somehow rcmember)
And That's That-Until Next Sunday.
dramatic, reserved by the author)
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

MAMIE! Keep out of your silly stories
BILL: You're out This young arocratc peach named
ah named-Julee All, ah, how lovely she was! How
proud How aristocratic ITO Mapiie) Don't you
why you're of it?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
THE POTTERS
PROLOGUE.

n
his parental knee and told him of those jolly little bed
- time stories which put him sleep quicker than anything
This evening Junior with that cunning which children UNI
fortunately lose they grow up has sconed Pas good ten
successfully that Pa has got the idea Imagine
Pa then deep in his evening utterly apathec the
present and future Of his small and still smaller heir who
playing around the floor hoping that Bill will not succeed
tuning that nightly story about Johnny Cottonta and
Lizzie Lizard
BILL: don't be able to find any bedtime stories for
Junior. Don't you want Junior?
JUNIOR; No
MAMIE: Why don't you make up for him. Bill? You
might find you had brain if you dug for it
BILL I can make up better story than you any day,
about anything.
MAMIE 10 JaniOy) Do you want big sister to tell
story? ~, -g-. r.
-JUNIOR: No. ~yE&s
BILL: Do you want brother Bill to tell you story?
JUNIOR: No.
BILL Just for that I'll tell you one make you like it,
JUNIOR; Yes you will.
BILL: Oh yes, will I'm going to tell you about-let
How would you like story about fruit store? ars
JUNIOR: What kind of fruit store?
BILL Oh where they sell apples and and hickory
and things
JUNIOR: And cocoanutss =
BILL: Oh yes indeed This storys about cocoanut y
JUNIOR: Did it have name?
BILL: Certainly it had His was let see
r. Willie.
JUNIOR: don't like Willie. )
BILL: Come think of it. his wasn't Willie 1t was
- julius. How's that?
JUNIOR: That's all right What did he do?
BILL: Well let Once upon time in little fruit
down the street around the in the middle of the
block the street tracks between
and deEcatessen there little fruit 1t
was kept by Tony Spumoni Allegret Basso Proundo.
JUNIOR: want him called Spaghetti, too
BILL Oh of course but that his maiden Well
anyway there in this little fruit Julius Cocoanu lived
with all the other fruit but he didn't associate with them
oh, Julius hardlooking foreigner with hair
all him and three little black eyes that looked
the passing ong with curious mixture of defiance and
loneliness.
MAMIE: What mess that is!
BILL (elegantiy): Shut your faceI
JUNIOR: And then what happened?
BILL: Well right julius Cocoanut this little fruit
store down the around the the middle of the
- block across the street tracks between store
and deicatesen store owned and controlled by Tony
SPuoni Alegret Basso Pofundo there lived an arso-
cratic young peach named-named, ah-named at-
JUNIOR: Mamie.
BILL: Not chance
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

as protection for the head Of the
man thrown from his horse during
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
N. P. Babcock

run, and originally were made Of
heavy blocked leather.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

And even at that, he was so
afraid of her that he went out Of
town 70 ring her up.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Then after he called her a few
names, he dropped the receiver and
ran 10 the next city.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

owners of farm land.
The world also owes to fox hunt.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

One woman became such a good
fighter that her hubby had 10 call
her names over the phone.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Brass knuekles are taking the
place of diamonds.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

A large vocabulary is a wonder
full thing, but a woman can win
more arguments with a pair Of box
ing gloves.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

One man says that every time
be opens his mouth, his wife puts
her fist in il.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

You can take the hottest hus-
band in the world and make him
lUke-warm.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23
Swat the Pests

HUSBANDS are becoming so
L L quarrelsome that thousands Of
women are taking up boxing.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

His feet were faster than her
fists.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

ing the high hat and the derby or
"bowler" hat. Both were invented
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

Ladies are beginning 10 talk with
their hands.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

The only vacation he ever had
was when she broke her arm.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-23

He never had to 90 for any walks
in the yard. She knocked him all
around the grounds.
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12

square. e1aasAat there % are re 80 vsrietes Of wild
flowers, and there are lo4 varities wlthin
three miles of my home.
Old-rimr hunters.
There Is one thing in Alaska that j.
very much like Nebraska; that is the old
timer In Nebraska We used to listen to
the old settler tell how he killed pig
buffalo bull and shot him square ihno.ta y
the heart and how many antelope the
old time cowboy roped and threw his rope
so feet and caught him square around the
airplane. and you might measure his rope
and find It to be about 20 feet long. Wen.
we. have the same KIND here. only ihegg eg
tell of the cold and the fast dog team ana
the echo of the mountains. and the brown
bear they pumped a ton Of lead into and nd
he fell at their feet at the last shell he
had. That Is what We call the yukon
tbe length Of tine he has lived here.
congreeate at my ca bin. just the pther
evening there was a bunch Of them here.
and one fellow said he was. at place
one winter where he could tax 10 MS
partner in an ordinary tone OF voice a
mile around the mountain; Another iel
low had be- at place where you colia
talk N a whisper and hear II echo nalt
a mile down the canyon.
OF course. / had lived here quite
while myself and had been around a
little one winter ! WAS trapping on the
Kuskokwim river and had no alarm
would 20 cut about o'clock in the eve
ming and hoiler good and loud; inc TO
next morning. the echo would return am
wake me up. one Of those old timers
said Why how long ds you os sa FOSSIL sgp ioid hd
a bout II being so cold one day that he
had 10 keen the stose red hot to keep the
water from freezing the top 81 the
stove. his cat Jumped up on the stove to
keen warm and froze stiff on the stove
Another .llow eonlah nio" .ne ,1a,. sana,e
he had TO break the flame off As
said h-fore' ! had been here a day or
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12

are now sbou, 10000 reindeer In the
territory. hut We get sxeellent dressed
the carcass. II is not too high and most
people prefer It TO reindeer But In tho
early davs Of Alaska. beef was very
81. 200 per head while I have seen the
time In southern Texas when : year
old ,es5 sold for 81 esrow eow e. ara car sa
pair OF cowboy boots was worth 81.
shirt 30 cents and a pretty good cow
'V - Exx, $40 Dozen.
for $50 for dog feed. and once paid
ionsd. for had ,ss b.sn bead ..Sfn % dSs sT ss
paid 81 for a pans Of glass by
inches. iitooo for a ton of hay and $500
Doctor MeGilliouddy was agent at Pine
,,ds' sgeny IN ~, ISIS Cousin or "isns %r 9sps mqy
Morrison, who now owns and manages a
nice hotel in Anchorage. Alaska. once
country She loaded tho hay on a barge
which she had butt. and rated e down
the river. When II got TO its destination
spread IL out all over the ground. and
wa. trying 70 ar, T.; but II was a, blssh, 81
anf looked bad While she ,cr was ng woTN,hs .hs
sold u 10 him for s1.ioo per ton. Now.
in comparison with this. have seen
s TO ln cents a dozen. hay for 81 per
ton and oats for s.. For the amount
could hava bought 10 t-year-old steers
in Texas in 1874. or 20 cows and 20 calves.
Labor SEQ Day.
Wages for cowboys In Nebraska In
1878 were s9b to $50 per month. whiie
in Alaska In 1898. 20 years later, man
got as much as $50 a day TO shovel in
ray g.. dir, DS hsy' been paid ,sS sof.ss day
and have been paid 81 day for myself
and one horse. In Nebraska ! drove four
oxen aud hauled hay for t25 a month.
It's all n mistake about the cold In
Alaska. Where ] now. live am SUI
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12
Poom-Pah and "Poomlets' Wear Toes on Front Feet

This IL Poom.Pah and her three
little Pooms. now three weeks old.
The girl ls Frieda Arndt. IS, book.
keeper. stenographer and clerk In the
grocery emporium Of NJ. Frank. 1l2I
Park avenue.
Poom.Pah and her three little ones
dwell in the cellar of the grocery
where they are a constant terror 10
the mice and rats. ~ - :
The reason why Poom Pah and
her family got their pictures in the
paper is that they have six toes on
each front foot. Common cats and
even the finest Persians and An
goras have only five.
Poom- Pah's front feet when she
stands look like elephants feet-they
are so full of toes. All the toes are
down on the ground line and all are
we'll formed toes, each armed with a
sharp claw
Poom-Pah Is not bit stuck up
about her extraordinary toes. She
Just goes about her business OF
mouse.catching and raising the three
little Pooms as IL she were com.
mon five-toed cat.
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12

Years passed along, and last tall
noticed article that spoke of the
mayor OF omaha. James c. Dahlman, en-
tering into a ropinR contest at Fremont.
Neh. I knew Il must be mv Jim. | i'm
mediatelv wrote him and got answer
by air mail which reached me Mt my
mountain home near waslla. Alaska, in
i3 days
Speaking about frontier countries, 7
have heen in all OF them, from the Rio
Grande river TO the Arctic circle In Alas
ka. and OF all the frontier countries.
Alaska is tho easiest for the pioneer. We
have everything necd-plentY OF
wafcr. plenty OF game and fish no short
age Of wood. and in summer grass every
where. except in a few places thousands
Of game birds winter and summer
As FAR an cold goes. ~ ia nothing(1ike
as diraRreeable as northern Nebraska was
SO years Hgo when We used TO deliver
beef TO those si.00o Sioux Indians at the
pine Ridge and Rosebud agencies every
10 dayr. 500 cattle at an issue. 900 head
monthly.
Hardest Human Task.
II was simply the hardest task that
any man ever did. facing those north
winds at 40 to 30 below zero aud stand
night guard over the cattle when they
milled all night In from one TO two feet
OF snow.
Then. on arrival at tho agency in the
late evening. To find ono two little
measly Indian ponies In the corral: and
wo were not permitted to put the cattle
In the corrais without paying the In
50 that we could get rid OF the cattle
Tor the night and get some rest.
Instead or cattle In Alaska, the rein
deer Interest IL progressing nicely. There
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12

/. This little horse is named Jim
Dahlman." In 13 years he Travelled
66. 900 miles. $4,000 OF which he trav-
eled on snow shoes. The horse is %
years old and works every day. either
on bouble-ender sled or packing.
2. This little lump on the pan is
1884 ounces of, gold which had just
been taken out of the retort. Lander
Is waiting for the gold TO cool before
preparing II for shipment.
3. This is Lander's mountain home,
II miles from Wasilla, Alaska.
Nearly so years ago Mayor James
Dahlman of Omaha, and J. II. Ian
der worked together on the N-Bar
ranch in western Nebraska, on the
Niobrara river and IL miles from
Gordon. In the whirligig of fate and
fortune, Dahlman moved to Omaha
and became mayor. Lander Travelled
to Alaska where he - In the mining
business.
Recently. when the air mail was be
ing promoted by Omaha MONDAY
clubs. Mayor Dahlman sent a letter
10 Lander. who received 1t In -
days Lander answered that air
mail letter by giving little history
OF his early days In Nebraska. The
letter follows:
Mountain Home
wasills. Alaska. January 81. 1925
NY dear Jim
Your recent letter was received. and
you ask me to write some incident OF
early COW boy life on tho %. :" ranch.
IL might be NJ interest 10 You to com
pare Aiaslsa with the early DAYS In west
err Nebtaska-ray about ~ years ago
7 went into the northern part OF Ne
braska. on the Niobrara river. with a
herd OF cattle from Texas for Il. s. New
man, one Of the finest men that ever
lived, and on that ranch first met the
present mayor Of Omaha. James c. Dahl
man.
Ve soon became friends and N there
was ever ono hoy that loved by an
other Jim was loved by me. he was
simply ny little God
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12
Italy Developing
Power Resources
Water Will Produce Electrici-
ty Equivalent to 12.000,.
900 Tons of Coal.

Rome. April 11.-Italy is taking
leading place among the foremost
nations OF the world in developing
her power resources. In six or seven
Years water-driven power stations
viii be in full working order, and
they will produce 100000 kilowatt
hours of electricity, equivalent to
the product of 100000 tons of coal.
Mortara. Italy's leading economist,
estimates there is water available in
the country to generate as much cleo
tricitv as could be obtained from 30,-
100000 tons of coal yearly.
This development in the produe-
tion Of energy will be of untold bene-
fit to the industries of the country
Italy Is not rich In coalfields. and
it has had to pay dearly in recent
years for its coal imports; but the
production Of cheap electrical power
will cut down these imports to the
minimum. Industries, while obtain.
ing power at less cost. will simultan-
eously wipe out the present heavy ex-
penditure of coal.
1t Is truly said that electricity now
stirs the pulses of Italy from the
Alps to the farthest ends of the coun.
try.
Three Great Centers.
One. of the biggest schemes at the
present moment Is to link up the
three great commercial centers-
Turin, Milan and Genoa-with q tri-
angular electric railroad system. This
will completely change the face of
Italy from the Industrial viewpoint.
Genoa is destined to become the CEN
ter for seaborne trade for Northern
Italy.
The railroad from Rome northward,
via Pisa, will also be electrified. and
the time for the journey considerably
reduced.
Italian engineers are working on
extensive plans for Harvesting the
mountain rivers
One such scheme was completed
last year. The largest dam In the
world, on the multiple-arch system.
stores the waters of the Tirso and
produce power for the whole of
Sardinia. The lake holds 460, ,000, 900
cubic meters OF water
Mountain Basins.
Upward of 100 mountain basins
have been completed in Italy. Others
are In process of construction, the
most notable being the Sila Lakes,
in Calabria, which will furnish all
The power needed for the electrified
tion of the entire southern railroad
system, including Sicily.
Agriculturists are beginning to
realize the enormous benefits to be
obtained from the, use of electricity
In many southern provinces farmers
still cling to primitive methods. Pro-
duction is low, but this will be
changed by the use of power.
II. is hoped TO reclaim extensive
tracts of marshland by the use of
electrically driven pumps. An exam
pie of this is found in central Italy.
where 1000 acres of reclaimed land
are now being cultivated.
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12
P|MPLES ON
FACE AND HEAD !
Itching and Burning Ter
rible. Cuticura Heals.

MY trouble started by little pim-
Piles coming out on my face and
the back Of my head. After . few
weeks the pimples scaled over and
the itching and burning were some-
thing terrible, causing me to scratch.
| lost rest at night because Of the
irritation.
heard about Cuticura Soap
and Ointment and sent for . free
sample. After using it few times
! got relief SO purchased more, and
after using about four cakes of
Cuticura Soap and three boxes Of
Cu.icura Ointment l was healed. 81
(Signed) Miss Dorothy Welsch,
Dare, No. OAK, July i6, 1924.
Use cuticura Soap, Ointment and
Talcum for daily toilet purposes.
Soap zse. Ointment Is and boe Taleum ze. Sold
everywhere. Sample each free Address
.c.s.esra Lsboratoftss, Dept H, Maiden, Msss."
- Cuticura Shaving Stick use.
The Omaha morning bee., 1925-04-12
School Pupils Bucket
Brigade Saves House
From Being Destroyed

Bridgeport, Neb., April n.-By
forming a bucket brigade with the
students he was driving to school in
the school truck of Rawhide district
near Torrington, Wyo., Stanley Hoy
saved his own house from destruction
by fire Thursday
Just as he came over a hill, en-
route to the school, he saw smoke
and flames issuing from his resi-
dence. and he got busy at once, with
the assistance of the teacher, stu
dents and neighbors. They managed
to confine the flames to the kitchen.