Evening star., 1925-01-21

| fer the man who studies acoustics, the
| bearded gentleman who knows the ins
| and outs of the physical man. also he
who feels he has some knowledge of
the workings Of the human spirit.
The main diversion Of this purgatory
| is trying to look at home You attach
yourself hesitatingly to a group of four
one or whom you may know by sight,
and hang on like grim death, fearful Of
| being swept loose into the surging cur
rents.
And If you are so unlucky as to up
anchor, you do your best to be coZy with
strange man with bushy eyebrows,
who greets you:
| Brother, my name is Smith-what is
yours ?"
You murmur that yours is Jones,
whereupon he nearly pulls your hand off
and your shoulder out of the socket in
! the ecstasy of his thanks at finding
some one to talk to until the gong
| sounds.
Both of ou look with pity at the poor
gazabo over there who doesn't know a
! soul In the room. He stands with a
| foolish smile of expectancy upon his
| lips, hoping against hope that some
wight will call him brother"
| AT last the important gentleman who
| has been fitting around like some giant
| moth assumes an attitude of command
at the folding doors. Those near him
| begin to triche into the banquet cham
| ber.
Glory 1t is feeding time!
! X *
| You find yourself seated with five
other gentlemen, no one of whom
knows you, but you sit attentively,
listening to the music and that queer,
| aggregate conversation.
| Gosh I'm hungry Won
Then you see some nice rolls and
firm, hard butter before you. Also a
| glass Of water.
I'm just eat a bit OF bread and
butter you tell yourself, as you
| break open one of the hard rolls and
spread thereon some nice, yellow but
ter. Real butter. too: tastes pretty
good. You eat with gusto.
| Walters scurry between the tables
| bearing oyster cocktails TO every 9TH
er table in the hall except yours. So
you continue to eat bread and butter
You take up another roll, which goes
| the way OF the first Are the walters
never coming?
BY the time they do you are so full
Of bread and butter and water that
the food end Of this affair has lost
all charm, for you. In the lines of
the nursery classic.
so fun l cannot pull
/ Another blade Of grass. bAa. baa
You fiddle around with the cocktail
! eat a bit of chicken, later on, pine for
the approach OF the ice cream and
cake, make out that you enjoy 4 demt
tasse, when all the time you prefer
your coffee with your meals.
This is a banquet, of course and
one of the classic DEVICES OF the per
formance is the small black cup OF
coffee 70 warm you up after the cold
ice
Anotheualittle trick of a banquet is
TO have q window open on the back
of your neck. No matter where you
sit, some thoughtful waiter is sure tc
| go open big pane directly behind
you, so that you spend the rest OF
the evening mentally tossing up to
see whether it shall be pneumonia OF
just grip.
The postmaster arises All. the
postmaster. He is the greatest bore
of them all, with his lengthy intro
ductions of the speakers, each intro
duction prefaced with some bum joke
As for the ter-dinner speakers
everybody has heard them-and been
bored by them. Especially if they in
sist on going into the details of the
life of the guest of honor.
What a sinking Of hearts there is
my banqueteers. when the Hon Bore
| ton declares that now l will recall
| to you the career of our illustrous
guest" He begins slowly at the sub
jects birth, in 1860. and proceeds 70
detail his career year by year, some
times month by month.
| You doze off, to wake with a start
when the speaker arrives at the year
1905
Twenty more years to 60" you
shudder, drinking all the water. out
of your glass in sheer desperation.