The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-08-06
SMILIN' THU
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1925 by Gordon Cooper
FUNDAMENTALS
VERSUS MUDDYNESS'

De funHlH ana w Ell ulu, we anus
had ter work harder"
"I'm surprised at you, Doc, for
making such heartless statement
about a dead man. And / should
think that you would sympathize
with him in his religious fights" "
said Professor Mount, who had stop
ped to speak to Doc. as he trunded
the lawn mower across the campus
of Mercer University.
Doc. snorted. "Huh! Religious
fights, yo' says! De fights dat mans
been a-havin' is UNreligious fights.
He's been a-spendin' all his time
stampin' up and down de country
calm folks namesi"
Professor Mounts eyes twinkled.
"But you must remember that Bryan
was a Fundamentals, and he was
fighting the Modernists who were
seeking to destroy the Bible. AS a
preacher, you ought to appreciate
that"
Again Doc snorted "Funnymen-
tails! Yeh! OATS jes' whut he
wuz-funny in de haidl FL All un'-
esstan't hit mental means mind {;
an mind is de brains; an brains is
in de haid! Dat man sho' had a
funny mind all right An de odder
folks wuz ies' ez bad-'Muddyness,
dey call dey SETS! An OATS right,
too! Allus slingin' mud at each I'D
der"
can ez fer dat Bryan defendin'
de Bible-dat makes me laff! De
Bible doan need no defendin' De
Bibles been able ter stan by hitse'f
fer thousands o years afore Bryan
wuz ebber bo'n!"
Doc turned and spat copious
stream of amber fluid to demon
strate his disgust. "Talk erbout Bry-
an defendin' de Bible!" And then a
new idea seemed to strike him, and
he turned again to Prof. Mount;
"Does yo' know whut dat makes
me think erbout? Well, yo' knows
dis Stone Mount'n whit dey says
is de bigges' solid rock in de worl' :?
Dis mount'n whut deys a-sculpin'
ter make MONUMENT fer de Cibel
Wah?"
"Well, whut would yo' think eff
yo' wuz ter see man a-diggin' at
de bottom oh one side OBJ dat Stone
Mount'n, an anudder Teller wuz
up agins hit wild fiddle ole 6shin'
pole a-tryin' ter hof hit up?"
"Now whit would yo' think, Per-
fesser?" And without waiting for
an answer he continued, "Ah knows
whut yo'd think! Yo'd think dat
bofe O dem mems wuz crazy! Amt
dat right"
"No doubt of it," replied Prof
Mount with an amused smile. "But
what is the point you are trying
to make?"
"De pint Abs tryin' ter make
is dat de Muddyness is ies' ez crazy
ter be tryin' ter destroy de Bible
ez de man whut's trying ter tu'l
Stone Mount'n ober; an Bryan's iei
e. crazy in tryin' ter defen' dt
Bible ez de ijot whut's tryin' tel
hoF up Stone Mount'n wild fishin
pole!"
And without waiting for an ans
wer, Doc turned again to his law
mower and started it clicking acros
the campus, muttering to himsel
all the while.
Suddenly he stopped and his eye
were blazing with the light of
thought that had struck him. Gar
dat amt ALL" he beloved with
voice of thunder. Professor Noun
turned at the entrance of the admin
istration building, sensing the in
sistence in Docs voice. He waite
while Doc plodded up to him, and h
saw that his lips were working i
the urgency of his thought.
"Perfesser," he painted, "Ah's ie'
had rebelashun bout dis ma
Bryan! Yassuh. right dere whar da
lawn mower is standin', de Law
showed me why he come ter .sich
untimely end"
His voice became solemn wit
awe; "Perfesser, dat man died b
de ham oh de Lawd, cause he wa
a-standm' in de way of de gospel!
"Why do you think that ?" aske
Professor Mount.
cause All had a rebelashuu," re
piled Doe. "Now ans'er me dis; Ain
Bryan de man whut got famous fe
speech erbout de Crown o thorn
an de Cross o. Gold'?"
Eyes" he replied. 81 think tina
speech first brought him into prom
inence.'
Den dat proves hit said Doc
"Jes now wen | lef' yo' an start
cd ter work orgin, de Lawd sent
pitcher right in front o nah eye
bout de time wen de Chillun o
Isrul wuz in de wilderness. Yo' re
members de time Moses wen
up on de mount'n am he lef' Aaro
in charge of de folks?"
Eyes" replied Professor Mount
"That was when Aaron made tn
golden calf for the people to wor
ship"
Oats hitt" said Doc fervently
Oats de time! An jes' now da
pitcher come befo' nah eyes e
plain ez All kin see yo' right now
All could see de gol- ca'f a-settir
up on de altar, an de people al
a-bowin' down an a-woshupin' hit
Dey'd made de ca'f frum de gol
iouls. dey earrings an bracelets, an
things
AN all dat time Moses wuz OF
L. ,,,or,,4', er;tti,,' 40 Ton herman