The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-28

They set fire to the woods and
grass
Stole flowers, nuts and fruits;
Wrecked orchards where they
CHANGED to pass,
Then Dragged about their loots.
| wonder what they'd have to say
If farmers did the same
By parking on their lawn some
day
To play their filthy game!
Now is the open season for picnic
hogs. Farmers are laying in am
munition of buckshot and rock salt
for bagging filthy skunks who treat
the country like garbage dumping
ground.
Indignant farmers have declared
that there is no sense in spending
good money for fertilizer when there
are so many picnic hogs on the roads
whose carcasses can be used for the
same purpose.
And they are right! Think of
the fertilizer value in the big greasy
hog who drives his car onto private
property, slops his food all over the
place after he has filled his repulsive
belly, loads his car with fruit and
blossoms and drives away, leaving a
smoldering cigar stump to set fire
to the underbrushl
st&*&%
Such a filthy carcass, ground up
in sausage mill, will fertilize an
acre of ground!
The Department of Agriculture
ought to offer a bounty of 500 for
every scalp the farmers bring in.
&s+*+$
Picnic hogs are not only a menace
to the country, but they are de-
priving the soil of good fertilizer
as long as they are allowed to run
loose!
The law gives a man the right
to protect his property against
thieves and pyromaniacs. Why
shouldn't this same law protect the
farmer if he peppers picnic hogs
with rock salt or butchers them
with buckshot?
And the farmers should be en-
titled to the spoils of war by con-
fiscating the picnic hogs autos.
| %-~***
A hard working farmer grew
peevish
When picnic hogs proved to be
theevish;
He loaded his gun
And had lots of fun
When they hurried off feeling
greevish!
Officials of Paramount Park in
Philadelphia have finally restricted
the beauty spots of the park against
picnikers because they were making
garbage dump of the grounds.
*+s*ss
Officials of Central Park, New
York, have had to do the same
thing.
And yet they formerly allowed
people to picnic on the grounds, and
prominent signs were displayed ask
ing that all trash and garbage be
put into the many cans provided
for the purpose.
Did they live up to the rules
They did not! And now everyone is
forbidden to picnic there.
**s%ss
l would chortle with glee if l
could see certain abused farmers
drive into town, park their wagons
on the lawns of the picnic hogs who
have wrecked their property, get
out the feed bags for their horses,
eat their own food and scatter the
refuse all over the place, pull up
the flowers and tramp down the
flower beds, cut down their trees
and shrubs, and then drive off with
good laugh when the picnic hog
comes storming out of his house
with fire in his eyes and curses
on his lips!
Oh, Boy! Wouldn't it be grand
and glorious feelingl
HOPES OF HATE
l hope the women who let their
children wade in farmers springs
will be punished by having rats
nests in their bread boxes and rat
dumps in their sugar bowls!
sess*%
hope men who drive onto pri-
vate property and uproot flowers
and shrubs will always run into a
mess of broken bottles and carpet
tacks before they get homel
Hssses
hope drivers who throw lighted
cigars and cigarettes into grass and
woods will have their gasoline tanks
explode before they've gone fifty
feet!
hope women who pull up flowers
and shrubs to transplant in their
own yards will be covered with
poison ivy, (even to their most pri-