davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

Red Ito stenographer): What the line that got
old Kleinenbaum do you remember, the one he liked
much?
sTENoGRAPHER Consulting notes.: You mean
Dinner fills, but ketchup thrills?"
you has the What Brothers whiskers got
do with cough drops? And yet that trademark is easily
worth million dollars
J. D. (RcVventy):
Yes, indeed, two million.
RANKIN:
WE'LL that's right too STILL l wouldn't advise using old
Klenenbaum's mug for trademark for ketchup.
RED (Sagcy):
1t might sell him the idea of advertising quicker than
anything else.
RANKIN Well, that's right too What do you think J. D.?
J. D.: agree with you absolutely
RANKIN:
Personally it you had very pretty girl hold
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
BY JOHN P. MEDBURY-

Mumble-Yes, but she couldn't
come.
Mutter-Why not?
humble Il only had enough
money for one ticket.
Mutter-My vito goes every
where / go.
Mumble-Well, don't tell me your
troubles.
Mutter - I like my wife's com.
pany.
Mumble-Is that so? What com
pany is she working for?
Mutter-She doesn't work.
Mumble-She doesn't?
Mutter-No.
Mumble-Well. isn't she afraid
she'll lose her job.
Mutter-Let's cut out the sar-
casm and get back to the noun
tains.
Mumble--I don't want to go back
to the mountains; just came from
there.
Mutter-You're n smart guy, you
don't even know where you went.
Misunderstanding / know where
/ went.
Mutter 49, Well, that's what I'm
trying to find out. Where have
you been?
Mumble-On n vacation.
Mutter-What did you 90 to the
mountains for?
Mumble-For two weeks.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

Mutter--Listen, when you bought
your ticket, what town did you buy
it for?
Mumble-I didn't buy it for any
town.
Mutter-You didn't?
Mumble-No, l bought it for my
self.
Mutter-What did it cost you?
humble - Four hundred and
eighty dollars.
Mutter - That's ridiculous, no
railroad ticket costs four hundred
and eighty dollars.
Mumble-This one did.
Mutter-HOw?
Mumble-I played poker on the
train.
Mutter-when did you get to the
mountains?
Mumble-The next morning.
Mutter-Then you slept on the
train all night, didn't youl
Mumble-No.
Muttcr-Don't be silly, IL you
didn't get there until the next morn
ing you must have slept on it all
night.
Mumble-You're crazy, the fell
low in the upper berth kept me
awake.
Mutter-Did you make the trip
by yOurselfg
Mumble-No, there were some
other people on the train.
Mutter-I thought maybe you
took your wife with you she need
cd a vacation, too.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
A Few Overh card

IT WAS the height Of the season
at the popular seaside resort.
One Of a party of holiday makers
addressed q boatman:
"Well, old bean, have you been
to the circus lately"
"No."
why, man, ! should have
thought you'd be among the freaks"
The boatman gazed stolidly
around at his would-be tormentors
for a moment then observed.
Il am"
Tomson-Didn't you ever attempt
to lay down tie law in your own
home?
Meekton-Certainly, and with en-
tire success. l gave instructions to
the family and to the servants that
my wife was to have her own way
in every particular, and she sees 10
it that my instructions are implic-
lily carried out.
N-Hardup can't meet his credi-
tors.
N-Can't he just! He can meet 50
many Of them he's got to stay at
home keep out Of their way.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
Parental Neglect of Children

but be pretty sure to become crimi-
mails and end their days in disgrace!
1t is quite right that truth is
stranger than fiction, and the
strangest of all fiction is the fact
that some parents can be what they
are.
l don't believe in the orthodox
hell, of course, and am very glad
that / do not; but l would be
"tickled TO death" to feel that some
fathers and mothers were going to
get a good scorching for the little
period Of a thousand years Oh so.
1t would be no more than they
deserved.
Not to be fatherly and m2therly
to the children, to leave them to
grow up without the tender solicit
tude and wise caution Of which
they stand in such pressing need, is
to be criminal beyond the power Of
language TO describe.
Than such father or mother there
can be no blacker criminal.
What did the great Soul in whose
name all Christians pretend TO be-
licye say? "Suffel the little children
to come unto Me, and forbid them
not; for of such is the Kingdom Of
Heaven" And those other words,
Except ye be converted and become
as little children, ye shall by no
means enter into the Kingdom Of
Heaven"
And TO take the little ones tsat
were 50 precious in the sight Of the
Master and treat them as though
they were the refuse Of things, is
verify the sin Of sins.
Home is the heart Of the world.
Like home, like world. II the home
is what it ought TO be, so will be
the world.
Then why cannot everybody get
busy and begin a campaign for the
American home? From Plymouth
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

Mutter-How was the scenery?
Mumble-I don't know, 1 forgot
to look.
Mutter-How could you go to the
mountains and not see any of the
beautiful views?
Mumble-The hotel was all out
of postcards.
Mutter-Couldn't you look out
the window?
Mumble-No.
Mutter-Why not?
Mumble-It was broken.
Mutter-Then why didn't yo~
take some walks?
Mumble-I couldn't lift them.
Mutter-Do you mean to tell me
that you spent two weeks at a
mountain resort and didn't take in
anything.
Mumble-I didn't have to; II
didn't rain.
humble - Don't you enjoy the
beautiful trees and flowers and
plants?
Mumble-Certainly.
Mutter-Then why didn't you sec
them?
Mumble-Because Tn going up
there again next year and ! want
to have something TO look for
ward to.
Copyright, 1925. King Feature syn, Inc
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

Minter-Wby does a woman al
ways keep a man waiting so long
after she says she'll be ready in
minute?
MiIes-Because she picks out a
minute which is about half an hour
away.
She-Can you tell me why a black
COW gives white milk that makes
yellow butter?
He-For the same reason that
blackbeIries are red when they are
green.
The motorist walked into a local
antique shop.
1 want something funny and gro
tesque TO put on the front Of my
automobile" he said to the girl in
charge.
The girl retreated to the back Of
the shop.
Father she shouted, you're
wanted"
Butcher-You want some brains,
madam?
Mrs. Burton-Yes, please. Ny
husband hasn't had any fpr a 1oDy
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
THE confession Of the two Ne

THE confession Of the two New
4 Hampshire boys who beat out
the brains of the aged sisters puts
a new emphasis upon the old, cd
subject of Parental Neglect OF Chill
dren.
That horrible crime was tie d.
rect ard natural consequence Of the
fact that those boys had no proper
brinsing up. When they wee wax
10 reeve and marble 10 retain"
there vas no one to make the right
impression upon them and to give
item 2 good start in life.
A teacher Of sound judgment sud
long experience declared recently
that there is an alarming neglect Of
children on the part Of their par
cnts, and that it is this parental
neglect that initiates so seriously
against the efficiency Of the teach
ers work.
The same teacher says that the
major part Of the ignorance and
moral obliquitg among pupils comes
from the two social extremes-the
homes in which the mothers are
obliged TO be much away from home
working, and homes in which the
mothers are so busy with the round
Of "sociel engagement" that they
have no time lefr to devote to any
thing else.
II is q pity and a shame!
To a conscientious father or moth
er IL IS well nigh incomprehensible
how it is that parents can bring
themselves TO be so criminally neg
lsctful Of their little folk.
The young human being that is
iust beginning 10 open its eyes upon
the eyer-old and yet ever new mys-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
Mutter and humble

MUTTER - Hello there Mr..
IVA humble, you look all in /; what's
the matter?
humble I've been up in the
mountains, resting.
Mutter-didn't you have a good
time!
Mumble-No, but the mosquitoes
enjoyed themselves.
Mutter - What mountains were
you in?
MumbIe-I don't know, 1 couldn't
see the sign.
Mutter-Well, you know how you
went there, don't you?
Mumble-Certainly.
Muttcr-Then how did you got
Mumble-In my old clothes.
Mutter-Yes, but what train did
you take?
Mumble-The six-thirty.
Mutter-Where did the train take
you?
Mumble-Ho where / was going.
Mutter-Of course; but don't
you know where you got off?
Mumble-Sure.
Mutter-Wherc?
Mumble--At the station.
Mutter-Well, where was the sta
ton?
Mumble-Where ] got off.
Mutter-Then that was your sta
ton. wasn't it,
Mumble-No, it belonged to the
railroad
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

exhaustive research, good contrasting, attention getting
coors So there we have the beauty of pretty girls a
peal and the attention getting benefits of red and black
plus the economy of color printing using only coor
either flat Ben Day. plus the product itself in the design
with the pretty girl which could be used the package
well. And want to tell you that red and black make
snappy PACKAGE And there you are!
J. D. Nmpresscd):
That's talking! That's telln' 'em!
CRed and P. L. nod sagelyJ
RANKIN (Flnshed aVith triumph:
Now that have the trademark settled on there is the
matter of the slogan. What do you think, fellows?
& Nothing like good slogan.
p L.:
A good slogan is worth million doar2
Yes, two million
(TVhoH make it Hirec2 Going for miIion!- Going!
Gongl Cmo make it tao and half TAO aud quarter Do
hear and quarter? Tao million and ninetycgt cents?
Going for tao million? TAO million, and GONE to the little
0vih the monstaehc in the Shall yat
up for you?y
RANKIN:
1t ought be short and yet the point What do you
think, Red?
RED:
had one here sketched What do you hih of
Dinner fills, but ketchup thrills?"
RANKIN: :
WE'LL that isn't bad That isn't half bad Short 1t rhymes
1t has the of the product in it, and also selling
into it.
RED (DOggcdly):
I'd like anybody make slogan with the word Klein
eEbaum in it.
(VeH aohen yOn TO think of it, that does sound like
chore)
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

I'D like a weed or a wild ass Of the
mountains?
How can parents bring them
selves to the point where they shall
be willing to leave their children
grow up in ignorance, and so not
only run amiss Of life's finest prizes,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

terry Of life and the world is the
most interesting, beautiful and pa
thetic sight on Garth.
And when the child is your own,
bone Of your bone and flesh of your
flesh, how can it be possible 70 neg
lect it-how can it be left to grow
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

the monkey These things can wait
and If we never think of them again,
so much the better. Get after the
stupid, lazy, Indifferent parents and
wake them up to a living sense of
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
By Rev. Thomas B. Gregory

Rock to the Golden Gate, and from
the st. Lawrence to the gulf, lay
the country off into squares like
those on the checker-board, and be-
gin the systematic business of help
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

ing the "heads OF families" to know
how to rear their families.
Never mind about evolution, +"
and "fundamentalism," and the
virgin birth" and the descent from
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

their duties to their children, and
of the ways in which they maye be
able to bring those children up to be
honorable and useful men and
women.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

ing bottle of ketchup-we must remember our package,
and the necessity of using few colors possible Now,
to do pretty girl and bottle of ketchup only need two
colors-red and black And red and black know by
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

it way that whenever the trademark why
one Immediately tied it up with the product.
J. D.:
That's good idea.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
That's a good idea.

RANKIN ITO P. IL:
What do you think, P l.?
P-L.:
WE'LL that logical although there lot of trade
marks that don't tie up directly with the product and
good trade marks. Personally think any trademark is
good trademark if you it long enough What, ask
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

angles and should derive slight ause-
from placing Mamie Potter Red Miller and Yasha Bosnia
their respective stations The above is for those OF you
who have tired of crossword puzzles and also
iogue for the lack of something better.
SCENE vi
thread softly on this expensive Plush CARPET sOce thick
cat for you in the tri0dte office of Red Miller, 1VhO is
cTadng gE-elass advertising copy for Kencnbanms
ketehap, the Ks0een of the Kitchen Tread softly, stand
quietly and breathe inaadibly. Do not sigh aOih satisfdc
ton pr auth pleasure, bit remain monscke this cat
like CARPET for going hear Rcd Miller strut his st
and perhaps ne may egra present htn he sretes
those saeenient SoganS.)
RED ITO stcnogGpher):
What was the line that got old Kleinenbaum, do you
member? The one he liked so much?
sTENoGRAPHER Consulting notes.: $3.50
You "Dinner fills, but ketchup thrills?
RED (JHdcOHaly):
No-o-o. No-o-o-o don't think that was it
STENOGRAPHER:
"The heart juice of tomatoes kissed by the bathcd in
the dew of DAWN"
RED:
That sounds like it. Go on.
STENOGRAPHER (ReGding):
"Round as the dream of child, fair the cheek Of
maid" ITO herscfJ: Heavens what bah
RED:
Yes that's it. Now let me see Let me door opens
and AHen Rankin president of Bigger and Better Sefcc,
Inc, breeSes ill.,
RANKIN:
Well hows it comm? You know that old ketchup bozo is
coming back here this afternoon We're supposed knock
his eye
RED:
Well knock it Don't worry.
RANKIN:
How's the old word henorrhage coming?
RED (Who has done nothing all mOrnngj
Slow but sure.
RANKIN Seriously:
think we ought have little conference about this be-
fore we go too far.
RED:
That's good idea (4nything put off the c1H
Schen hen haze TO get do0vn TO work
RANKIN:
Let's get P l. in here and D. (Thcy get P L. and j. d.
and TIE conference is OnJ Now, to begin with what
your analysis of this Kleinenbaums reactions? mot
scGitng for reP Seemed that stuff of Reds about
using lot of color pages hit him the nose.
P. l.:
thought my statistics impressed him.
RANKIN (Offhand):
Oh, yes they're all right for the preliminary work. but we
can't sell the public Kleinenbaums ketchup with your sta
tistics. Now, it that what need it, First
good trademark; second, good slogan and third a
Dominant Idea
J. D. (The official conference yes-Dtan):
That's right That's absolutely right
RANKIN Taking charge of the situation ayi that internal
NGpOleOnic gloaU):
Now the trademark Let me see What's your idea about
that, Red?
RED:
Well seems to that ought get the product into
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
By ]. P. McEVOY

5y j. L. McEVOY
RANKIN brightly:
Speaking of rhymes just occurred to that maybe
would be awfuy good idea if we had little distinctive
bit of poetry to go into each adj Something like
Thinks deeply for a moment 4 solemn hush
the gathering Rankin seribblcs rensedly gCh huge bue
PENCIL. How's this sound?
When you eat fish meat,
Kleinenbaum's kechup will be treat.
j. D. Enthusiastically:
Say, that's pretty good mist of APPRECIATION ms honest
eyes, Chant soto voce) When you eat fish meat
Kleinenbaum's ketchup- What's the rest of that?
RANKIN Proudly:
Will be treat ITO Red: Of course you may be able to
do better than that Doesn't believe it,
RED:
thinking while you were talking that maybe if we had
little figure little fairy that called, maybe. the
King of the Kalores and ten maybe another little figure
the Queen of the Vitamnes and this King and Queen would
have little dialogue up the of the advertisements,
these dialogues to be in like yours, of course and
RANKIN breaking III exeitedly):
Say, I've got bunch. We could get up little booklet
printed red and black like the package appeal coors and
we'd do little book and call it Kleinenbaums Mother
Goose for the Ketchup Children.
RED INSPIRED:
Riddles, not children
RANKIN (Gyasbing his hand svh sincere respeet):
Riddles! Of course! Kleinenbaum's Ketchup Riddles!
What title!
RED (Riding the crest of this inspiration scave):
And maybe we'd have pictures running around the margins
of animated ketchup bottles you Knoxville the brownies
and the pixies Why wouldn't that bea good border for the
advertising ayouts And maybe the first in the little
book would be-let
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch pail of water. ..
Why didn't they get bottle of Nomenclature ketchup
For certainly they should have orter?
RANKIN (Intnrnpting fe0erishly):
Old Mother Hubbard to the cupboard
To get her poor dog bone,
But when she got there the cupboard was BARE
Except for Kleinenbaums ketchup alone
ITO Rcd) You polish that up little but it's almost
perfect the way stands (Gases 5Odch Gosh look at
the time gotta go another conference in the en-
craving department, but think we've got lot accom-
plished. Don't you? -.e d. f..
J. D.:
should say so. think we got the dominant idea.
RANKIN ITO Red:
Get the substance of all this shape and III have de-
sign in here this afternoon with pretty girl holding the
bottle of ketchup (Cond that be Ydsha BosEas portrait of
Mamie Potter? 1t could. 1t is =. . HoworsD ] was
just talking the artist while ago. and he said he'd have
all ready for So we'll have that and with the results
of this meeting and you have pages of copy seched
up and with half dozen slogans So and when old man
Kenenbaum comes in well just blow his hat off.
J. D.:
I'll say will!
RANKIN (Rscs briskly)
So long, fellows; get busy! This is big account We
mustn't leave any stones nurned to get it. If you thing
another conference necessary don't hesitate call
(Hrries ont sntfnscd oOih deep emoiou.)
(And That's That-Until Next Sunday
Copyright 1895 King Syndicate rights including
dramatic
1on1as B. Gregory
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

he first in the book wou ID BEET me sec
Jack and Jill went up the i'll
To fetch a pail Of water
Why didn't they get bottl of Kleinenbaum Ketchup,
For certainly they should ha orter.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06
THE POTTERS
PROLOGUE

NY story be the square these days with the reader
"A you will notice do not the plura-shoud con-
- = tain triangle and most trianges have two acute
angles and acute should derive slight amuse
from placing Mamie Potter Red Miller and Yasha Bosnia
their respective stations The above is for those OF you
who have tired Of crossword puzzles and also serves pro-
iogue for the lack of something better. -.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-09-06

I'll say will
RANKIN (RiscS briSky):
So long, fellows; get busy! This is big We
mustn't leave any stones unurned get it. If you thing
another conference is necessary, don't hesitate call
(Hnries ont snffnscd aOth deep cmotion)
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
SOLEBURY
Continued from first page)

Continued from first page)
At the meeting of the Parent
Teachers Association, held in Sole
bury primary school room Friday
evening, the subject of closing Cen
ire Bridge, Chestnut Grove and
Stony Hill schools was discussed by
Rev. Lindsay Johnson, Mrs. A. W.
Preston, Mrs. Wilmot Quinby, Mrs.
Josephine Brown. Harry Dickson and
others. 1t was suggested that two
buses be provided for the transpor-
tation of the pupils of the lower
grades to be carried to Aquetong,
Carversville and Solebury schools.
A discussion was also entered into
as to whether Chestnut Grove or
Solebury school would be the better
equipped for the seventh and eighth
grades. he matter will be further
taken up by the board of directors
at their final meeting in June.
Amos Armitage accompanied Nor
gan Colt to New York one day
last week.
Mr.. and Mrs. w. II. Webster,
Fred Keck, Miss Kathryn Keck, of
Philadelphia, and Allen Hood, of
Frankford, were weekend guests at
Maple Shade farm, the home of
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
FABRIC CUTTING

F. Voorhees, must have thought
that the company was making a
new style shoe when Joe Readings
stock boy came up and asked for
corriginal insoles. Must be cross
between collegiate and correctors.
Bob McCusker has turned to
farming for when Dempsey asked
him to work one night he replied
that he had chicken coop to
build.
Lou Hoagland is all set for the
baseball games having journeyed to
Trenton Friday and equipped him
self with a hat and glove.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
MILL ROOM NOTES

The new upper calendar has be-
gun to look like something. The
mill has already been in place for
several days and now man from
the Birmingham factory is on deck
to set it up.
John Deitz wife is quite i'll at
her home.
No. 6 calendar is down again. One
of the rolls having a broken neck.
Better the roll, than the calendar
man
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
RUBBER MARKET UP

There is considerable suppressed
excitement about the offices in con-
nection with the rapidly rising rub
Der market. Yesterday rubber reach
ed sixty-one cents a pound. This
time last year it was about twenty
three and this time two years ago
about sixteen cents.
The market has been rising stead
lily since before Christmas when
prices about 80 cents reigned. Then
it was freely predicted it might
reach 40 and 45 before the spring.
The rise to over sixty was alto
gether unexpected but it was con-
sistent rather than sudden.
1t is impossible to predict exactly
the effect of this rising market
on conditions in the industry and
the local factory in particular.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14

called at the home of Frank Funk
on Saturday.
Mr. and Mrs. Edward Wesselhoeft
visited the latter's mother at the
Presbyterian hospital in Philadel-
phia on Friday.
Mr.. Thompson, of Brooklyn, who
purchased the former Albert Vasey
farm from the Herdlea Corpora
ton moved van of furniture to
his farm and will spend the summer
there.
A number Of Solebury residents
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14

Mr.. and Mrs. Theodore Nattenhiser.
Abner Canady has resigned his
position in Philadelphia at Reading
Terminal and is assisting his brother
on the farm.
Mrs. Theodore Nattenhiser re-
turned to Philadelphia with her
niece, Miss Keck, for few days.
Mrs. Amos Armitage is quite in
disposed and under the care of
DR.. Lieby of New Hope.
William Hellyer, of Gainesville
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
LIGHT SHOE ROOM

Mary Hanna went to Trenton
Saturday.
We wonder how Mrs. Edith Mel
win enjoyed the circus the other day
We have quite few new girls
in the shoe room now. It looks as
if we will start new term again.
Wilson Faust was out sick on
Tuesday. Too much party, Will?
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
GUM CUTTING DEPARTMENT

John Clark and family spent
Sunday in Philadelphia.
Jonas Parrish spent last Sunday
in Hightstown and enjoyed himself
very much, playing with the pigs
and other animals on the farm.
After hanging around the fishery
all last Friday waiting for a shad
Earl Hartpence and Jack Cruise
finally ate sardines for supper.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-05-14
SNAGPROOF SMOKERS
Being the Weekly Grin of the Lambertville Rub
Der Company at Itself-Written by almost all the
Employees, and Edited by X. B. White.
TENNIS DEPARTMENT

Charles Sutterley is back with us
again after being out sick for three
days.
John Cane has a new Job with the
Castanea Milk Wagon. Bill Hoffman
thought there was fire the other
morning when he met John.
The windows in this department
are being washed by William Ford.