davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Confused Thoughts

meals do US the most good. By the way,
don't think too much or you may want
a shOe-horn to get your hat on, always
remember that actions speak much louder
than words. Therefore let us try and be
more sociable, in that way we shall fully
enjoy the facilities for duty and recrea-
ton. How many people are sure of a
clean bed to go to each evening and 40
rise in the morning and be dead certain
of "brekker"? You know the answer,
chum, so don't worry?
Trusting in man, willingness in work,
games to play, this Is Christianity at home,
we see it all around US, that is sufficient
for us to carry on with for the present.
Then let US all do our utmost for each
other and leave it with Him, the lilies
all do, why not you?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Solving a Radio Problem.

Patient / to Patient 2. working close
to several sets of wireless) "Well John,
what do you think of the wireless?"
Patient 2: ooh! I've got one of my
own across the top of the gate here. Can
you see il with two bobbins on"
Patient /: "Oh yes. Can you hear well
with it,"
Patient 2: "Well, I've not got it to tina:
state of perfection yet but they can hear
all right at the other end. DR.. Lyall can
hear well with it,"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06

(Erom Thunderstorm Insane Asylum Masazihe'
ONE of my readers desires to know the FUNNIEST
" story we have. This is hard to judge, but
will give him this direct from the printers shop:
In the days of the gold rush to Australia, Tan
Englshman, an Irishman Welshman and a Scotch
man had staked their claims side by side. If a miner
died in this particular camp it was the custom for
his friends to put money in the grave along with
the body in order to show their respect. The Welsh
man died. and when his body was lowered into the
grave the Englishman placed a hundred sovereigns
beside it. The Irishman placed two hundred Scotty
was a splendid chap but he had the thrift of the
Caedonan nation, and his comrades expected about
two shillings. To their establishment and admira-
ton he announced that he would place as much as
the other two-that is, three hundred pounds.
1t was a dismal groan that arose when he wrote
out cheque for six hundred pounds, made payable
to the dead man, placed it in the grave, and put the
three hundred soyereigns in his pocket by way of
change.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Take Your Choice.

Patient: 81 want a cup of tea without
cream in it,"
Waitress: 1--WE hav'nt got any cream
but we have got some milk. If you like
you can have cup of tea without milk
in IT,"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
A Lady's Impression as q
Patient


Trom Humberstone Insane Asylum Magazine)
T'O craft-work or not to craft-work?-
Il That is the question, whether It's no.
bier in the mind to suffer- Hamlet)
| listened, as | lay in five-bedded
room, to daily return or exodus, morn
ing or evening, of persons.
My only thoughts, they could not be
otherwise, were that these persons went
to and from their work.
What amazement ! emotioned when
truth of the exodus and return was after
ward observed in this hospital.
These persons exodus was not to work.
also enjoyed, for awhile, the open-air
recUperating, and work-responsibility's
absence; but this soon wore off.
By the third week ] longed for myI
own work; and certainly did not enjoy
the daily being driven q use DRIVEN
literally, as well as in idiom), driven tOi
laziness, morning and afternoon, day af-
ter day
Women are only rolling, pasting paper
"bugle" beads, in readiness for use il !
another "Craft-emplOyment."
What are other women craft-working!
They are busy retrimming with raffia,
hats they or others had turned, hot
watered, reblocked on Luton hat-blocks
of previous years fashion; hole punching,
freshening and smartening the hats
How did this man make his necktie?
On his hand-loom and does not he en-
JOY the hand-loom weaving He works SO
speedily; so happy is he; although "Per-
manent," he has to have balls of cotton
in his own keeping.
And these men; they seem to be doing
nothing but tearing; tearing wet papers.
Marbles. Are these matchmaking?
VOLTA, No, They will be rolling clay for
basket-spaces, beads, etc. to improve bas-
kets and incidentally lessen cost.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Our POrridge.

ane Asylum MagazineD
But when my anguished eyes
Saw what the board displayed,
l made as if to rise
For | was sore afraid.
They held me down by force,
A beak on either side.
They said, "Poor lad! OF course,
You shall be satisfied"
"You must be hungry; so
The aching vacuum fill
Porridge is here. Now go,
Go at it with will"
So, let the truth be cried
For truth can much avail;
Write on my tomb, "He died
Of porridge in a pail!'
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Second Sight.
took out

Mr.. A.: 81 had both my eyes took out
and scraped at the Royal Infrmary."
Mr.. B.: 81 can't believe it."
Mr.. A. (excitedlyD: ITS as true as
stand here, lay on the operating table,
and seed the doctor a-polishing EN- up
before he put 'em back"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Filet of Terpsichore.

''They are not Dances" but plastic
poems, all speaking language which the
sole alone can understand and appreciate.
1t seems that the sole, besides being
more expensive than the humber types
of fish, is better educated.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Long Live the King!

Q. Why does the King wear red
braces?
A. To hold his trousers up.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
By a Boston Patient.

The modern version of "a bird in
hand is worth two in the bush"
"An pathological specimen in cap
tivity is worth two in the outrageous
foliage of an arborescent shrub"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06

6rOm Humberston
I SAT me down in Piano Hall
l. The bounteous feast was spread.
Like patient oxen in a stall,
| waited TO be fed.
| did not look for much
No chicken, lamb, or veal;
Men do not lavish such
Upon the poor unreal"
No potage (thick or clear,
No trines, jellies, or creams;
Meringues-for these appear
Only to me in dreams.
My modest hopes embraced
A bit of pork or beef;
Potatoes, greens, just taste
Of beer to bring relief.
Great Britain Rights Reserved
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
The First Patient.

Patient 1: "Have you been here long.
Mr.. b."
Patient 2: "Why, | should think have,
l was in this place before it was built"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Passing a Test.

Doctor Ito patient to test his powers
of articulation.) "Can you repeat THE
Royal Irish Constabuary extinguished
the conflagration?
Patient: "No Doctor, but can play it
on the piano.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Wards---Jokes Written by Insane Patients
Heard in the
Oh, Doctor.

Patient 1 !: pm not SO well today, I've
got bit of cold"
Patient 2: "a touch of the influenza,
perhaps"
Patient /: "Ah! or else the Flu"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Light Wines and Beer.

A French General says "C'est magni-
fique, mails ce nest pas Lager"
Who isn't for us is a Guinness!
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
A Traffic Riddle Answered.

How to walk to Aylestone Bridge from
the Clock Tower without going down a
road, street, lane, or avenue. !.
Church Gate, Sanvey Gate, NIrth
Gate and Canal side.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
You're Right, You're Wrong.

Patlent TO attendant): "Are you
Wright"
Attendant: ayes, Pm Wright"
Patient: "Thcn what are you here for
if you're right"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06

"My beautiful my beautiful! who sandest proudly by,
the schooner Hepeus the breaking dashed high
Why crowded now, what the stir in Rome?
the spreading chestnut there place like home
dark and deep blue crested of Drachenfe
is Norval from the Grampan Hills Ring out wild BELLS
Sc good sweet maid, let those who will be clever,
The boy the burning deck, but forever"
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
Curious Literary Efforts Contr1
uted by the Insane Patients
of Thunderstorm Asylum in.
England, and Edited BY
the Inmates
A Poetic Mixture.

A Poetic Mixture.
(From Thunderstorm Insane Asylum Magazine)
THE Browns desired young Tom to be
L A reciter of the verse;
At Christmas parties he would spout
In accents sharp and sterse. =,
Once when at a wedding feast
The wine got to his head.
Fond parents asked him to recite
And this is what he said:-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06

Cun,us Drawing by man who Had
Killed His Wife, Showing How the Aston
ished, Reproachful Eyes of the Poor Woman
Left Dominating Effect Upon His Mind.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06

Face Shows an
Amused Smile
While Her
Eyes Reflect
the Craftiness
of Her Gaze.
and
Photograph
of a
Homicidal
Maniac
Dressed in
Newspaper
Armor and
Loaded
Down with
Weapons.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-06
An Illustrated Conundrum by a Lunatic.
HOU | ESCAPED.

From Humberstone Insane Asylum Magazine)
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
Is BIRTHDAYS
IN "a YEARS
Former Woodstock Printer Has
Unique Record

Henry Lickliter of Staunton is
nearing his seventy-fourth birthday,
which will be in March next year,
and in that time he has only had
eighteen birthdays, having been born
February 20
Mr. Lickliter is an old-time type
singer" He has never run a type
setting machine, but has set thou
sands of galleys of type and operated
job presses. He was born February
20. 1862, in Shenandoah County, and
learned his trade under the late Cap
tain John H Grabill, then editor of
the Shenandoah Herald He went to
Staunton in 1878, the year following
the Grant-Greely campaign, and here
he worked on the Valley Virginian,
under Major Samuel H. Yost He set
the first stick" of type when the
Evening Leader was inaugurated in
1904, and for the last sixteen years
he has been with local job printery
Despite his near seventy-fouI
years, Mr.. Lickliter is very active and
is able to hold his own with the hand
typesettew, which art is slowly Civ.
ing away to modern typeetting ma
chimes.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
BATTLE MARKERS
PLANS COMPLETED
COmdr. Colvin Meets Rotary Club
Daughters Pledge $500

Past Commander Robert M. Col
vim, U. C. w., of Harrisonburg, was
in Woodstock Wednesday and COM
pleted arrangements for battlefield
markers for Shenandoah County.
Commander Colvin is an officer of
the State organization having this OBJ
ject in view, and this is his second
trip to Shenandoah in the interest of
the association.
He met with the Rotary Club dur
ing his visit Wednesday, and a COM
mittee of the club composed of Ro-
tarians William Paxton, DR.. F. w.
Gearing and j. NJ Bauserman, Jr
was selected to act in conjunction
with the organization.
Shenandoah Chapter, Daughters OF
the Confederacy has pledged $500
for the purpose.
The battlefields of Fishers Hill
and Cedar Creek will be marked by
Strasburg organizations, and these
will also erect a monument in that
town.
Messrs. W. NJ. Calvert, j. M. Baus.
erman, Jr., and Miss Nance Glover
will be recommended for appointment
on the directorate of the State asso
citation.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
DENIED REHEARING

BY the unanimous decision of the
Court of Appeals of Virginia, Walter
Spence has been denied new trial on
charges growing out of alleged VIOLA
tions of the prohibition laws. Spence
was convicted on several counts in
an indictment found against him at
the March term of court and receiv-
ed sentences aggregating two years
on the State Road force.
During the trial of the case, and
after the jury had retired to con-
slider verdict instructions were ask
ed from the court concerning the pen
atty, and the statute dealing with the
charges was copied and sent to the
jury room. Spence's counsel excepted
on the grounds that the jury had re-
ceiyed these instructions not in the
presence of the prisoner, and this was
made the basis Of an appeal to the
higher court.
No reason was assigned for the re
fusal to grant new trial.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
FAMILY SUFFERS
MANY MISHAPS
Father, Mother and Son Injured In
Different Ways-All Recovering

When an explosion of dynamite
mangled the index finger and thumb
of Charles. the little son of Mr.. and
Mrs. Cort Orndorff in the Cedar Creek
Valley. near Zepp on Friday morning,
it added another casualty to the list
of mishaps in this unfortunate family.
Seven weeks ago, Mr. Orndorff the
father was seriously injured by an
accident in the mines, from which
injuries he has not fully recovered.
A few weeks later the mother, Mrs.
Nettie Orndorff fracturd both bones
of her wrist and she is partially dis
abled from this accident.
Such a sequence of accidents in a
single family and all from different
causes is rather unusual
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
MUSIC LOVERS CLUB

The Music Lovers Club of Wood
stock held its first meeting for the
1925-'26 season, on Friday evening,
25, in the Episcopal
Church. AS this was a business
no musical program was rem
dered.
The constitution and bylaws were
read and approved.
The club voted to have a regular
monthly meeting. said meeting to be
held on the first Wednesday night in
each month at $50. The program
committee will have charge of these
meetings and each evening will be
devoted to a different subject The
subject for the October meeting is
American Music"
AS separate work, the club will
render the oratories, THE Daughter
of Jairus." In December, Messrs.
Brown and Guy Benchoff will direct
the oratorio, and all singers in oil
around Woodstock are urged to join
this chorus.
The object of the club is to create
a broader appreciation of music, tC
develop individual talent, as we'll as
to provide social and educational
center for all music lovers of Wood
stock. and as such the club asks tn.
loyal support of all interested in this
movement.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
HOTEL PROPERTY SOLD

The old Shenandoah House, more
recently Hotel Hoffman, on the west
side of Main Street, and in which is
located the New Theatre was sold on
Wednesday evening to Frank S. Tav-
enner and Duke L. Shaver, the for
mer a well-known attorney and the
latter. owner of the Woodstock Music
Store
The hotel property has in the past
few years been operated as Hotel
Woodstock.
The sale, however, does not include
the theatre. The purpose of the pur-
chasers in acquiring the property has
not been fully disclosed, but the
building will be remodelled for bust
ness purposes and the lower floor will
be converted into attractive store
rooms.
Hotel Hoffman Annex, formerly
the Geary Hotel. opposite the prop
erty just sold, has recently been fit
ted up as first-class hotel by Mr.. Nc
Cormick.
The property just sold is one of the
best business locations in the town
upon which is a three-story brick
/ building.
Prior to the sale a partition deed
between Mr.. Dalke and Mr.. McCor
mick was recorded. and the purchase
was for the Mccormick interest. The
consideration was $4,000
/ A part of the upper floors will be
converted into modern apartments.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
No. 40.
LUTHER A. SWARTZ
DIES AT HIS HOME
er and Washington Realtor
Services Saturday

Luther A. s. artz died at his old
homestead, where his son Marion is
living Wednesday morning, Septem-
Der 80. at 8 o'clock, east of Saams-
vile. He had been in failing health
for some years, with complication
of diseases. He had lived on the
farm where he died all his life, with
the exception of the past few years
He and his wife spent a portion of
the time in Washington, where he
was engaged in the real estate bust
ness. He was aged so years, and is
survived by his wife. Mrs. Lizzie
Swartz, two sons, Marvin. who lives
on the home farm; Harry, of Wash
ington and one daughter, Mrs. Josie
Shank of Washington. The deceased
was an Industrious, successful and
honest farmer, a son of TIE late
Joseph Swartz He had been mem-
Der of the Lutheran Church of the
Sand Ridge congregation since early
me- III auuilioH " HIS inner Al'@HOO'
he had accumulated considerable
property. He came from Washing
ton to the home here about two
months ago. hoping to receive bone-
ft by the change. he being in frail
condition then. The funeral services
will be conducted by Rev. M. a. Ash
by. former pastor, of Boonsboro,
Md, Saturday at 2 p. m, at the
Sand Ridge church, near Mt. Olive.
Tnterment will be in cemetery at the
church in the family lot. The fam
lily have the sympathy of a large
circle of friends in the neighborhood
md county.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
BOY ACQUITTED OF MURDER

Elmer Campbell. 16 years old, was
acquitted by jury Thursday in Page
County Circuit Court of being impli-
Gated in the murder of his cousin,
Thomas Campbell. The jury was out
only a short time.
1t was charged that the boy, with
cousin, Amos Campbell. laid in wait
for another cousin, Thomas Camp
bell, who was returning home from
church with a girl. Thomas Camp
bell was stabbed and his body was
thrown from railroad trestle The
evidence failed to show that Elmer
Campbell had any connection with
the death of Thomas Campbell His
name was brought into the affair, il
was shown. by the fact that he fed
with Amos Campbell. The latter il
still at large.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
ATTENDING GRAND LODGE

Judge M. l.. Walton, Jr., and Louis
Y. Kneisley are in Bristol, Va, this
week attending the Grand Lodge.
Knights of Pythias. Mr.. Walton is
now Grand Vice-Chancellor of the
Grand Lodge and will at the Bristol
meeting be elevated to the Grand
Chancellorship. This will be the first
time in the history of Virginia
Pythianism that both father and son
have served in the highest Office in
a State jurisdiction Hon. M. l..
Walton is Past Grand Chancellor of
the Virginia lodge, having served a
term as such, some years ago.
The Bristol meeting will take up
the location of the Orphans Home
which the Pythians will establish and
for which New Market is making a
bid. The Shenandoah County town
is competing with Petersburg and
other sections of the State.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
TITLE TO BRIDGE
SOUGHT BY STATES
Structure At Harper's Ferry Subject
OF Contention-New Bridge May
Be Built

! Hundreds of residents of the Shen-
andoah Valley, owning automobiles
will be interested to know that steps
have been taken by Maryland and
West Virginia to acquire the bridge
across the Potomac at Harpers Ferry.
At present this is a toll bridge.
owned by private parties and because
of its location thousands of tourists
pay to enter the Valley at its gate
way.
To Acquire BY Condemnation
The Brunswick, Md, Blade-Times
says:
Maryland and West Virginia plan
to adopt condemnation proceedings
to acquire the Interstate bridge over
the Potomac River at Harpers Ferry
If its private owners refuse to sell,
according to tentative agreement
reached last Friday by roads author
tiles of the two states.
The question of how the bridge
may be obtained was the subject of
special conference at Harpers Ferry
Friday afternoon.
Having determined at previous
conferences that acquisition of the
bridge by the two states was a mu-
tual necessity, Fridays conference
was called to determine the proceed
ure in the negotiations. 1t was agreed
that the attorneys general of the two
states should determine, as soon as
possible. what method of condemna-
ton proceedings should be followed
in the event purchase could not be
made.
The owners place it's physical value
at 100000, a figure satisfactory to
the roads authorities of the two
states. The owners, however, ask an
additional 100000 for franchise and
good will, which the states have re-
fused to consider
In the event of failure to acquire
the property, the conferees intimated
they would favor the construction of
a new bridge which would be free
of toll in competition with the pres
ent structure. The cost of a new
bridge has been estimated at $780,
OO0."
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
FIELD BURNS OVER

Ignited by a spark from passing
locomotive, the five-acre ont-lot of
Mr. John t. Haas. on the fair grounds
road was burned over on Saturday
evening, damaging the fence eonsid-
erably and burning about rs posts.
The clover crop, because of the ex-
IRENE drought was literally licked up
by the flames. The field was denud-
ed by the fire.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
TEACHERS INSTITUTE

Tomorrow Saturday approx
mately so Shenandoah County teach
ers will gather in the Court House
for the first teachers institute of the
1925'26 session. Recently an insti-
tute was held for the teachers serv-
ing in high schools of the county.
Tomorrow, those teachers who will
have charge of the rural schools,
which open on Monday will gather.
1t is well to note that Shenandoah
County schools stand near the tor
of the list of the public schools in
Virginia, in efficiency and qualifica-
lions of teachers.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
MIR. HOWARD MARRIED

Mr.. Harry Howard. manager of
Vendors Department Store at Mt
Jackson, and brother of Mrs. w.
NJ. Wender OF Woodstock. was mar
ried in Baltimore on Tuesday to Miss
Elsie Kafka. member OF prominent
Baltimore family. News of the we'd
ding came as surprise to his rela-
tives and many friends in Woodstock
and Mt. Jackson The bride and
groom reached Woodstock ON We'd
nesday evening. They will make
their home in Mt. Jackson.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1925-10-02
TOOK 12O STITCHES
TO SEW UP LOCAL BOY
Charles Hisey, Son of Local Merchant
Assaulted In Neutrality-suspicious.
and Bruises on Back and Face

Charles Hisey, son of D. Hisey, Cal
vary merchant, and for some months
employed in Washington, was the
victim of mysterious and serious as
sault in that city Sunday.
He was taken to Emergency Hos
pital suffering from numerous severe
cuts and bruises, and it is stated that
it required 120 stitches to sew up
the many wounds on his face and
back
Hisey was unable to give the po-
lice an accurate description of his as
sailant and no arrests were made
The assault occurred at Second and
B streets northwest.
Young Hisey is rs years of age.