davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-03-01

But this monkey business is only
part of it. At an earlier stage men
were not even that They probably
began as worms. From that they
worked up to being oysters; after
that they were fish, then snakes, then
birds. then flying squirrels, and at
last monkeys.
The same kind OF change passed
over all the animals. All the ami
mails are desce nded from one another.
The horse Is really a bird, and Is
the same animal as the crow. The
differences between them are purely
supe rficIal. IL a crow had two more
feet and no feathers 1t would be a
horse except for its size.
The whole to these changes were
brought about by what is called the
survival Of the fittest. The crook
eldest snake outlived the others. Each
creature had to adapt itself or bust.
The giraffe heightened its neck.
The stork went in for long legs. The
hedgehog developed prickles. The
skunk struck out an independent line
of its own. Hence. the ANIMALS that
Evening star., 1925-03-01

uply and ring their hands wondering
how Procession can arrive TO Capital
in time not to make Chief Just Taft
too mad & angered
Title
What no! A submarine, by goiiy"
Scene
or surely enough, there in awfng
approach grandish submarine OF re-
cent manufacture. Everybody enjoy
to see it axept Pres Coolidge who are
afraid he might be breaking some
darnly naval agreement with CT Brit
ten.
Scene
Howeverly, he gets a board with all
others, axept Philippine Island Girl
Scouts who must remain staying be-
hind.
Scene 10
Philippine Girl Scouts, by intense
brave leadership of Gov Mamma
Ferguson, all lept into Canal and
swum to Capital Bldg just in time TO
see Hon. Coolidge swear that he are
Pres. of the United States and can
prove II.
Slow Fade Out.
THE END.
WHEN Hon Longfellow Hitch say
w all those thoughts members OF
Japanese Thinking Society stop doing
so.
"Mr Chair. I wish ask one ti>
QUESTIONABLE" dictate s. Euro, Japan
ese plumber
Say IT swiftly while I still have
strength" narrate Hon Napoleon B.
Zero.
If this emotion picture genius ar
range this Inoggeral in such a way"
require Euro, what have became Of
Pres. Coolidge all that time Grand
! Canyon blow up. Indians explode,
Niagara falls come down, Grand Ca
nails wash over-yet how we could
keep our intelligence glude on Hon.
Coolidge with so many events shoot
ing? After all, are he not main actor
in that show"
20 katz & ratz!" snarreI Hon Long
fellow Hitchi, how could you keep
drumming away at such smaIlish
things when we got 2o0o0oo0O0S for
TO spend on a Production"
But In such splandid puformanco
you cannot see the actor for the
scenery"
''Ezackly" amputate Hon. Hitch.
''If you keep that great truth in mind
soonly You will learn the art Of
scenario writing & make a success
Of yr life"
are thunder-hit.
Hoping you are the same
Yours truly
HAsHIMURA TOGO.
Copyright 1881
Evening star., 1925-03-01
RY sTEPHEN LEACOCK.

r T seems that recently there has
been a lot of new trouble about
the theory of evolution in the
Il schools. Either the theory is be
ing taught all wrong or else
there is something the matter with il.
For years it had seemed as If the doc
trine of evolution was so universally
accepted as to lose all it's charm. 1t
was running as a close second to
spherical trigonometry and the com
parative religion and there was no
more excitement about it than there
is over anthropology.
Then suddenly something seems to
have happened. A boy in a. Kansas
public school threw down his book
and said that the next time he was
called a protozoan he'd quit the class.
4 parent in Ostaboola, Okla, wrote to
the local school board to say that for
any one to teach his children that
they were descended from monkeys
cast a doubt upon himself which he
found intoIerable. After that the
wave of protest swept through the
colleges.
The students marched in process
sions. carrying banners with the mot
10, Are we baboons? Rah, Rah,
Apes" The Rotary Clubs OF town
after town voted by a standing vote
that they were unable to support Cor
TO understand) the doctrine of bio
logical biogenesis, and they wanted 1t
tax en- away.
The Women's Culture Club of Win
ona, Utah, moved that the name of
Charles Darwin be changed in the
text books of the state to that of w.
J. Bryan. The Anti Saloon League
voted that the amount of Darwinian-
ism that should be lice nsed in the
schools should not be more than one
half of l per cent.
The obvious beginning of the mat
ter is to present the theory of evolu
tior as it, stood before the trouble
began In Kansas. Each of US at that
time carried in his head an outline,
a little bit hazy, but still usahle, of
the doctrine of evolution as we re-
membered it from our college train
ing.
OUTLINE OF EVOLUTION AS DIMLY
RECALLED FROM COLLEGE
EDUCATION.
WE are all descended from mon
w keys. This descent. however,
took place a long time ago and there
is no shame in 1t now. 1t happened
two or three thousand years ago and
must have been after and not before
the Trojan war.
We have to remember also that
there are several kinds of monkeys.
There is the ordinary monkey seen in
the street with the hand organ (com-
nunis monacus). the baboon, the gi-
boon (not Edward). the bright,
merry, little chimpanzee, and the
hairy ourang g-outang with the long
arms. Ours is probably the hairy
ourang- -outanK.
Evening star., 1925-03-01
Photographic Speed.

"HEN Brig. Gen. William A Mitch
Ohio, for Washington he was photo
graphed from the air. Continuing in
the air, the photographer printed the
picture and dropped it off at Xenia in
presented the picture to Gen. Mitchell
when his train passed through. Xenia
is about II miles from Dayton. The
photographer was about half way
back to Dayton when he passed the
train.
Evening star., 1925-03-01
4 ~ O "'-0' - o1D

and Hot Bozoi he'd never hear the
last Of It! The one real chanct he
has to get dressed up at all is in
| auguration. and then IL ia only in the
| kind of clothes no man likes TO put
| on.
Well anyways, got thinking this
all over. see, and 1 decided I GER
tainly did wish this present Pres
/ all the luck in the world. and I felt
| sorry I wasn't going to his party.
heard where the inauguration ball
had been given UP In favor of a
Inauguration balling out. but just
the same 1 wisht could be in Wash
D. c. on that day, and see the affair
but that's the day my crossword
puzzle club holds its monthly tourna-
ment and 1 realized where IL was
conner be impossible for me to get
away. However, 1 and pretty near
everybody else in the country would
be, as the saying goes, there in
spirit or by Radio, and sure hoped
| the affair would be q big success
and that Mrs. Coolidge wouldn't wear
herself all out entertaining the folks
and cleaning up after.
NTELL when come to the cleaning
w up thought. that put me in mind OF
Junior, and / wondered whore he was
the house was entirely too quiet.
something must be wrong.
/ commenced calling him, but ]
couldn't tune In. so I got UP and
commenced a search, but he wasn't
anywheres around until l opened the
closet where l keep my jams and
preserves which I put up regularly
every year from the grocery store
Generally keep this door locked for
diplomatic reasons, but today some
| thing must OF slipped. on account
there was Junior making friends with
a jar OF strawberry.
What are you doing in there, Junior
Jules, I says, stop It at once, and
come right out this minute.
And he says aw Ma l was just in
augurated into here, he says, / just
got in.
Well you come with me, I says
persuading him by the arm, and ]
will inaugurate one of pair OF new
slippers I just got. / amt looked up
that word in tho dictionary yet son,
but II IL means what think il does,
that slipper is going into once with
the right spirit.
And when I said this the idea came
over mo where If in addition to Civ
Ing the President a party on Wednes-
day they wanted to give him a SOU
venir as well, maybe a golden slipper
would be both appropriate and useful,
as II might come in handy at times
when he caught Congress going into
the Government jam closet.
Copyright. 1921
Evening star., 1925-03-01

And Hot Bozo! When any OF them
kings wanted special style postal
increase or a coupla underslung bat
tleships or a foreign insurance pol
Icy. they didn't wait around for a
bunch Of old birds TO decide in COM
mittee IL red stamps or green would
look prettier on the document. Not
much; the king would merely holler
go get II, boys, and II they didn't.
well they never died OF old age.
In fact, the principal work of kings
appears to of been giving orders OF
every brand, from the kind you pin
on persons chest to the variety
that starts a war.
But with a President, now, he don't
give many orders. He makes sug-
gestions, and that's a whole lot diff
ferent.
Also, he has got to broadcast a
fairs and negotiations, and he always
has a lot of foreign relations, for
which he has got my sympathy on
account them relations probably amt
any easier to handle or to keep quiet
and peaceful then most other peoples
relations.
And on top of all that, he has got
a lot of people who amt even re-
lated to him hanging around the
ators. These, together with a ware
house full of secretaries and bu-
reaus and other White House fur
nishings, are all supposed to be a
help TO him, and believe you me, I
certainly pity the poor Pres. with
all that help, l know If I had it
around the house it would drive me
cuckoo.
Even Annie Gooch, our high-speed
Molasses Queen, is lots of times more
trouble then assistance, could easier
pitch right in and do the whole thing
myself, what with the way Annie
will stand leaning on a broom and
gas on about the neighbors and what
not. why she might as well be in
Congress as in my back hall, sweep
ing. So l have a pretty good idea
of the troubles Pres. of the U. s. A.
has got.
A ND here is one other place where
a a Pres. has it harder then a king.
There didn't nobody, in the old days
Of history, dast TO criticize them
kings. The king was the high card
in the deck and what he did was
jake with everybody--so far as he
ever heard about 1t. anyways, and
quite to the naturally, since there
wasn't any newspaper editors in the
days OF history.
Since newspaper editors started
their business, why kings has pretty
well died out. But If them news
paper boys had started up their line
IL few coupla hundred annums sooner,
why the dying out would of more
Evening star., 1925-03-01
By RING LARDNER.

y the eoltor: our text Tor TO-
day is taken from Prof. z. z.
Raymond OF Harvard, who has
came out with a statement
which If same proves true It
will raise more havoc than any,
thing that has happened since the
invention OF the saxophone. The prof.
says that the time Is coming when
man won't have no hair or no teeth
and maybe only one finger and toe
apiece and a bigger skull and brain
and a. longer face.
When the prof. says man he GER
tainly must mean women too be-
cause 1t would be n raw deal IL we
boys was obliged to go around like
that vile the gals retained all the
digtts and accessorys they have got
at present and we would be more of
a laughing stock than ever amongst
the fair sex.
The future man, says Prof. Ray
mond, rs certain to lose his teeth
because he don't need them no more.
The ape man used them to tear
sinews and break nuts and etc. but
civilization has done away with these
conditions. Hair was give US by nA-
ture to protect US We. cold, but now
we have got coats and artificial COW
ering. Man used to half to have toes
to help him climb trees to escape the
animals, but now he don't need toes
Evening star., 1925-03-01
New Light on the Doctrine of Darwin
Obtained From Experts and Students

On the Antilles the common GROW
or decapod, has two feet, while In
the Galapagos Islands il has a third.
This third foot, however, does not ap-
pear to be used for locomotion, but
| merely for conversation. Dr. Ander-
| son of H. NJ s. "Unspeakable" during
| his visit to the Galapagos Islands in
1884 saw two crows sitting on a tree.
One was, apparently, larger than the
other. DR.. Anderson also saw a liz
ard at Guayaquil in Ecuador which
had lost one toe. In fact. he had
quite good time.
1t would be too much to say that
the crow and the lizard are the
| same bird. But there seems little
doubt that the apex cervicus OF the
| lizard Is of the same structure at the
I rudimentary dorsal fin as the crow.
l put forward this statement. how
| ever, with the modesty which 1t de-
| serves and am only led to It with
deep reluctance and with full sense
of it's fatal character.
/ may say that I myself while off
| the Oesophagus Islands In H. NJ. S.
Impossible" in the year 1928 saw e.
flock of birds OF the kind called by
| the sailor "bum-birds," which alight-
| ed on the masts and held on by their
| feet. In fact, l saw a lot of inter-
esting things like that.
While 1 was in the Beagle" 1 re-
call that on one occasion we landed
| on the Marquesas Islands, where our
captain and his party were enter
| tanned by the chief on hams and
yams. After the feast a group of
native women performed huia-hula
| dance, during which I wandered out
| into the woods and secured a fine
/ collection of toads.
On the next island-while the cap
tain and his officers were watching a
hitchi- -kitchi dance-I picked up some
admirable specimens of lizards; very
| admirable, indeed.
| Once again in all fairness one must
| admit that there is no reason to
| quarrel with this.
| But to make the case still palmer,
let us set alongside of this a clear,
| simple statement of the theory of
evolution as 1t is now held by the
| scientists in our colleges. I have be-
| fore me the enunciation of the doc
trine as stated at the request OF the
press by a distinguished biologist
during the height of the present con-
troversy. What he says runs as fol-
| lows, or very nearly as follows:
"All controversy apart, we must at
least admit the existence of con-
tinuous morphological protoplasmic
differentia ton
That seems to me a fair, manly
statement of plain fact
"Cytology is still in It's infancy
| This is too bad, but 1t will grow.
| But at least 1t involves the admis-
sion of 4 primitive conformity which
Evening star., 1925-03-01
Splinterless Glass.

CLOSELY resembling ordinary Hfsse
~ and suitable to take its place foy
many purposes, a chemical substitute
that is said not to splinter has been
produced in GeHnany. Because OF this
quality, 1t in nsia@ gscopmended for
panes eS nne6me umRa aA& d A@tical in
strunsaxsES
Evening star., 1925-03-01
Filming Inaugural Parade
BY WALLACE IRWIN.

To Editor The Star. who are happy
man because he can go In & out of
his Ofice without secret service &
militia.
Evening star., 1925-03-01

TT seems that recently there has
been lot of new trouble about
the theory of evolution in the
Il schools. Either the theory is be
iug Taught ALL wrong or else
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27
800 AFFECTED BY
 M'NULTY FAILURE
Broker Has Liabilities Of St,OO0,0OO, Assets of St,5OO

New York, May 27.--(APD--Thc savings ot 500 persons are affected by the failure of Frank II. McNulty, broker, who Is forbidden by injunc- ton from continuing 10 sell stocks in. New York. His liabilities arc es- timatod at st 000,nO0 and his assets at sl500. mostly office furniture. Many of his customers gre said to have lost their life savings.
 McNulty, who was formerly an as. sociate of Horace Stoneham, brother of Charles Stoneham. baseball mag nate, had offices In New York. Chi- cago, and Pittsburgh and formerly had branches in Syracuse and El- mira, New York,
 Referring 10 McNulty aS whe biggest fish yet caught in the net Of the Martin law" Gan anti-stork fraud statute). State Attorney Gen eral Ottinger said: He operated a typical bucket shop, selling out his customers stocks and pocketing the proceeds"
 After raid on McNultys office, Mir. Ottingrr started proceedings which resulted yesterday in the is- snance of an injunction by Justice Ford and the appointment Of a re ceiYer.
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27
LAKE ONTAR|O'S
 RUM RING BROKEN
King Of BootIeSsers Is Placed
 Under Arrest

Rochester N, Y, May 27.--(AP) Lake Ontario's rum ring is be lieVed to have been smashed by the capture early this morning of Ben Kerr, of Toronto alleged king of the lake rum runners, as he was unload ing cargo of Canadian ale at Okla homa on the lake shore near Sea Breeze.
 Arrested with Kerr were four men and an armed girl, dressed in over alls. The seizure vas made by An drew J, Wiedenmann, collector of the port, customs inspectors and a coast guard cutter, after Kerr at tempted to escape. Eight shots fired at the rum craft found their mark and brought the boat 10 a halt,
 All are being held at the county jail here on charges of smuggling, except the girl, who Is charged with carrying concealed weapons
 Customs inspectors seized the 42- foot launch, Matimas. Eight cases of ale were found on board. Hun dreds of cases are believed 10 be floating in the lake, having been cast overheard by Kerr in his wild at- tempt to escape the coast guard cutter
 The launch which the rum rum ners were using, was capa ble Of car rying about 1900 cases of ale. &C., cording to the customs officials. The
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27

was said 10 have revealed Mir. old field ns q compromise selection after Mir. Shaver had informed committee members that he would not retire until harmony candidate was found.
 News that arrangements were about complete for a change in the chairmanship was disclosed yester- day at the same time that Mir. Old field announced plans for conference with leaders in New Jersey and Massachusetts for democratic cam. palgns in the special elections to be held there. The Arkansas represen- tative will begin about August q tour of western states 10 confer with democratic leaders on plans for the 1928 congressional campaign.
 Agreement Of party chiefains up- on MT. OldfeId is understood to have followed a warning from Mir. Shaver that fsctional lights fin selecting his successor would endangcr the pro gram Of the national committee
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27

Canada, and Carl Holman, B, A. uni- yersity of British Columbia 1924 of Vancouver, B, C.. Canada. who have been awarded Sterling scholarships to study philosophy and psychology, physics and geology, respectively.
 Members of the present senior classes in Yale college and the shef- field scientific school whose names appear on the list are! Elmer Theo- dore Levine, New Haven: William Bunnell Norton. Mount Hermon, Mass. Edward Harold Frederick West, New York city, Robert Wiese, Meriden, Francis Hagar, Squire, Westfield, Mass, Louis Schrclber, Venice. Cal, Theodore Harold Rider, Washington, D. C., Paul John pent Mahon. Meriden. Theodore Ephraim Kihlgren, West Hartford, and Charles Robert Maxton Tnttlc. Roekaway. N, J.
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27
LIQUOR SHIPS SAILING AWAY
Leave Halifax for Havana, Der.
 muda and Other Points

1 HalifsX May o7.--(AP)-Two steamships and ii schooners. mem bers of the liquor fleet which put i into Canadian ports after establish ment Of the United States coast guard blockade, have departed from 1 Halifax and Lunenburg and today are sailing for St. Pierre and south ern ports, including Havana, Nassau and Bermuda. Six other vessels of the fleet sailed last week.
 Pronounced activities have been reported from Lunenburg in the last few days Five of the schooners in- cuded in the latest departures cleared from that port Four liquor carriers put into that port yester- ] day
 The steamers which sailed from i Halifax in the latest movement Of the liquor fleet were the City of , Cork. which cleared for St, Pierre and the steamer Lutzan, which de parted in ballast for Havana ! EFnD1t1RIA " lli' II i' h! 'i 1AN''i '''iN port at the same time were the SeI- ma, for Nassau; the Ada H., West huver. for St. Pierre: the Mnusmec for Nassau: the Eda M. Moulton, for Nassau. and the Morse. in ballast for St, Tierre.
 The schooners sailing for Lunch burg were the Douglas E. Conrad for Guanaia, Honduras; the tDayo|s for St. Pierre; the Tessin Aubrey the Mascan and the F. C, Adams for Bermuda, and the John H. Nc Kay, for Havana.
 Arrivals at Lunenhprg were the schooners Ethelyn, raloma, Canada and the Layola. The last schooner sailed again 3 short time after ar rival
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27
P. J. DAILY ID BE
 ORDAINED PRIEST
Will Celebrate First Mass at
 St. JOseph's June '

Peter ]. Daly, nephew Of the late Rev. Patrick Daly. deceased pastor of St. Joseph's church this city. will be ordained into the priesthood of the Catholic church Saturday morn Ing. June at 9:So o'clock by Bishop John I. Milan. He will cole bratc his first solemn high mass at St, Joseph's church in this city on Sunday, June ' at i0.30 o'clock.
 Mfr. Daly was for long time resident of this city, having made his home with his uncle at the parish house on South Main street. He was born In Ireland and received most of his elementary education In the schools of that country. He came 10 this country in 1912 and entered the grammar school here where he finished his elementary courses.
 Upon his rsduation from the New Britain school he entered St. Thomas seminary in Hartford 10 prepare for the priesthood. He graduated from this institution aft CT sit years of study, in taf9 and was assigned by Bishop Milan 10 complete his philosophy and the ology courses at st. Bernard's grand seminary in Rochester. W. Y. He has remained there finishing his studies and has received the major orders of the church consisting of the sub diacorste and diaconate and Is now ready to receive holy orders. While in st. Bernard's, he received the degree of bachelor rf philosophy
 Following the celebration of his first solemn high mass. reception will he given at the home of Mir. and Mrs. John B. smithwick at so9 Stanley street at which his relatives and friends will be present. He is also nephew Of Sister Margaret Mary of the order of St. Joseph sta tioned at st. Francis hospital In Hartford and 2 brother Of Miss Della. Daiy. teacher at the Washington school r..
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27
C. \. C., NOTES

Hartford, May 27.--2nd Lieut. 1g- natius M, Ramsey Co. E. 169th infan
 try C. N. c. has been promoted 10 first lieutenant and assigned to the same company. the adiutant gener-
 als office has announced. Lieut.. J. O. Leroy H. Davidson. L. E. N. F, F.. has been appointed lieutenant (J. G,t naval militia, C. \. c., and assigned with the 4th division naval
 militia
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27
'OLDF|ELD 10 BE
 NEW CHAIRMAN
Mill Succeed Shaver as Demo-
 cratic Committee Head

Washingt on, May 27.--(AP)-- Representative William A. OldfeId Of Arkansas, chairman of the demo- cratic congressional committee, will succeed CIom Shaver Of West Vir- ginia, as chairman Of tho demo- cratic national committee, it Is indi- cated here, the change Is 10 be made within a few weeks.
 Jockeying of various groups with in the committee for the leadership
New Britain herald., 1925-05-27

Exchanges between representatives of William G, McAdoo and Governor smith of New York and Mir, Shaver are believed to have facilitated the compromise,
 Democratic leaders here have de- sired settlement of the question be- cause they plan to begin as soon as possible preliminary work for the next campaign, which win include reorganization of the party's fnan- cIal affairs and settlement Of out standing obligations resulting from ihe last presidential race.