davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-12-15
Il Tell You. The Quick Way
This Medicine Has Done
Away With My Stomach
Troubles Is Worth Telling
The World About" Says
Aberdeen Man.

II tell you. the quick way in which
inns karnak has done away with my
stomach trouble is worth telling the
world about-thcre never was an
other medicine like it," declares j.
u. Mashek of 1913 LIST ST., s. w.. Abb
erdeen, $. ID.
."Why. before got this Karnak I
didn't know what it was to eat a
meal without having Il terrible heavy
feeling in the pit of my stomach for
hours after continues Mr.. Mashek.
II Just got where hated to see meal
time come.
My stomach was as sour as vino-
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-12-15
RELICS May
SHEDLlCHT ON
EARLY HISTORY

Tucson. AriZ., Dee. l5.-(P)-A dis
connected story in Latin and He
Drew inscriptions on leaden crosses
ana implements Of war said to date
back to the eighth or ninth century.
may tell OF discovery Of America
some 700 years before Columbus re-
nowned voyage but many scicn-
lists are skeptical OF the find
Uncovered recently under Il lime
KIN near mere, Dr. c. Sar!ebn, for
mer professor Of geology at the Uni
Versity of Arizona and director Of
excavation work, asserts that the
relies may shed new light on the
early history Of America.
Dr. c. J. Sarle has constructed a
theory that Il group Of Romans and
Jews landed in America about 775
A. d.. Joined with natives of the
southwest either by alliance or bv
conquest, and established a kingdom
that lasted approximately 100 wears.
"hen the natives revOlted and over
threw the nation"
Validity Of Find Doubted
with the announcement Of the dis
coVery. however, from various sec
tions OF the nation came dubious
opinions from archae Ologi sts and
t'ehtiHtH as To the validity OF the
find.
Two University Of Arizona pro-
iesSors indicated concurrence with
Dr. Sarle,s views as to the antiquity
or the relics, according to their state
ments. made public last night. DR..
Byron Cummings. head of the arch
aeology department of the University.
declared his belief that the Latin
inscriptions closely resembled that
in use about 775 A. D."
Professor Frank Fowler. head of
the university's department Of class
zeal languages, is reported to have
translated the inscriptions on the
crosses and other relics which tell OF
beng carried out to sea and Of dis
covering new land. A dynasty CT
kings is referred to beginning with
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
LEAVE CHILD LABOR

President Coolidge refuses to sup
port the child labor amendment to
the federal constitution, which would
give Congress jurisdiction over la
Dor of all persons under 1S years
of age.
The child labor amendment advo-
Gates will try to force every legis-
lature in session this coming year
to submit this question to a vote of
the people.
Massachusetts and some other
states have buried the amendment
under enormous negative majorities
taking position that it is ques-
tion for every state to deal with.
Business organizations, some 4C
organizations of manufacturers anc
about so state and national organi-
cations of farmers and hundreds OF
chambers of commerce and bar as.
sociations are opposing this TWEEN.
tieth amendment.
The federal child labor amend
ment would create new depart.
ment at Washington with an army
of officials travelling all over the
United States and telling families
of good American citizens how tc
bring up their children and issuing
permits whether boys and girls uy
Il
to the age of Is shall be permitted
to labor, and under what conditions
Industrial News Bureau
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
h d | T o r I A L S
GREETED WITH
RIBALD LAUGHTER

Recently, during the showing of
a typical "sex- cylinder" movie at
the Strand Theatre, there occurred
an incident that was a deplorable
commentary on the morals of the
children of the community. The
story of the picture involved that
thread-bare plot of the "city slick
er" with designs on the "innocent
country girl"
And during the course Of his
"shieking" this "pure young thing"
he asks her, "HAVE YOU EVER
LOVED ANYONE?" And she re-
piled, eyes, MY MOTHER"
When this heading was flashed on
the screen it was greeted by ribald
laughter from the forty or fifty
youngsters in the front seats. Many
of them, Judging by appearances,
had only recenely been weaned. But
their derision of such statement
of innocence was SO vulgarly "hard-
boiled" it made thoughtful people
wonder what sort of parents these
children had.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
MISERS IN UNITED
STATES HAVE $433,000, 900

From Washington comes the fol
lowing: The miser, sitting nightly in
nervous solitude, gloating over his
heaps of gold, is not legendary or
fiction character.
There are 5000 of them in the
United States.
This is one of the high lights
turned up by Joseph S. Mccoy, act
uary for the United States Treas
ury Department, in his constant
delving into the monetary affairs
of the Nation.
Secreted at various spots in the
United States-whether buried, pi-
rate fashion, at the foot of gnarled
tree, hidden under the boards of
the miser's floor, or tucked away in
socks and fruit jars-is treasure
of $433,000,000.
Mr.. Mccoy, whose activities have
won for him the title of "the man
who knows the unknowable, speaks
the unspeakable, and unscrews the
inscrutable," set out recently to find
out just how this gigantic fortune,
missing from the Nations deposited
and circulating currency, was held.
His conclusions were as follows:
Held by foreigners who have not
lived in America long enough to
build up trust in banks, $225, 100000
Held by farmers, who are too far
from banks, or too cautious to de-
posit, $125,O00,000.
Held by misers who live in squal-
or and derive their sole joy from
playing with their accumulated
boards, $44,OO0,O00.
Held by children in toy banks, ST.
100000.
The balance, some $14O,50O 900,
which cannot be accounted for in
detail, is the Nations pocket
money-here five, there ten, there a
| hundred.
Mr.. Mccoy saysN of the misers:
'In this time of pleasure soel1iae
and mad spendingb there are more
than 5000 perons who would rather
live in filth and want, suffering
hunger's worst torture, than spend
the money they have saved. These
are the country's misers-no crea-
lures of story books but living
men who keep their wealth because
they love to touch and gloat oven
it. They are quite real-one in
every 1850 money makers of the
country, and the average treasure
is at least $5,500."
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
AN ISLE OF PEACE IN
A SEA OF STRIFE

During the service at st. Andrews
last Sunday evening the lights were
extinguished for brief time, leav-
ing only the light of the candles
about the altar. The effect was al
most magical.
The mellow glow of the candles
softened the hard outlines of the
chancel, and the Christmas greens
about the rood screen between the
choir and the nave were silhouetted
in outlines of pleasing fretwork.
But the significant thing is that
the mind was drawn irrisistably
with the eye to those twinkling
candles about the cross and held
there in an almost hypnotic interest.
Even the silence seemed intensified
as IL in awe, and the spirit be-
came softened and sweetened by the
saauere-N A-.s --.sGalIasa--
It seems rather Grass to speak
to such thing in the scientific
terms of psychology, but that prin-
ciple dominated the effect, whether
it was intended or not. 1t had the
effect of shutting out the world and
leaving only that central thought
of spirit enthroned. 1t was like n
breath of warmth in frigid cline
an isle of peace in a sea of strife.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
ONE MINISTER WHO
GIVES CREDIT WHERE
CREDIT Is DUE

Recently DR.. II. w. Keller, direc-
tor of publicity for the Methodist
Board of Home Missions, said in a
meeting in Philadelphia, "For one,
l consider the newspapers and press
associations of the United States the
most valuable allies of those who
are endeavoring to make our nation
people of righteousness, justice
and truth"
Mr.. Keller went on to say that,
During sixteen years in helping to
interpret church work to the press,
l have never seen such whole
hearted cooperation. When you con-
slider the countless columns the rur-
al and city papers give to this
work, it should be the joy of every
representative of the church to coop
crate with them"
And yet there are a few pigmy-
Drained ministers who spend their
time in sordid abuse of the news
papers!
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
WHAT WOULD YOU THINK?

WHAT WOULD YOU THINK?
Here's letter written to a vet
eran's magazine, and the answer
published with it. What do you
think?
Dear Editor-I was a soldier in
the great war, and my outfit was
stationed at various places along
the Rhine. | was several times COM
mended for "gallantry," and some
times severely censored. l had the
good fortune to make pleasant
impression in each locality, which
resulted in pressing invitations to
cidvv.r festivities, et which ro-
ceiyed highly embelished certificates
that are now in the possession of
several Sweet things" of whom l
have lost the count, but remember
three (3) that, desired to bring
home with me. A cold and heartless
military despot refused my request
accompanied by language which is
unfit to print, and which humiliated
my. generous and affeetionate suscep-
tibilities for | had always done my
duty cheerfully. What wish to
know is, if | am entitled to COM
pensation for my efforts to estab-
lish amicable relations with our for
mer enemies ?-Ecks Donwhan.
Ans.--Like all good soldiers your
good and faithful service for your
country will soon be forgotten, but
one thing that can console you is
that your memory will be kept
green for at least a couple of
generations in the hearts of the
trusting possessors of those certi-
fcates you mention. May the ink
never fade You better raise a
Russian facial landscape and mail a
few post cards. Heaven MAY recon-
pense you-but you will still have
to go to church,-Veteran's Service
Magazine.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
OBSCENITY IN NUMBSKuLLS

A few prudsh numbskulls en-
deavored to have Earl Carroll, of
the "Vanities," convicted and sem
fenced for his exhibition of semi
nude works of art in the lobby of
his theatre, New York City. These
narrow-minded, filth-hunting beings
amassed their forces and success
fully held the producer in jail--a
case of being guilty until proved
innocent. But Justices Herman, Ed
wards. and Murphy, in the Court of
Special Sessions, decided that the
pictures We're not filthy or obscene,
and that Mr.. Carroll was within
his rights in exhibiting them. Natur-
ally, they will celebrate their victory
over the forces of tyranny and un-
called-for-censorship.
Psychologists have said again and
again that filth and obscenity us
ually exists first in the minds of
the individuals; that the human mind
can build up a structure of OBJ
seenity and immortality by series
of thoughts. The answer then, is OBJ
vious. If three judges, in Court of
Special Sessions, find the defendant
not guilty, the filth and obscenity
lies, therefore right in the minds
and hearts of those who cooked up
the unjust charges. Heaven hasten
the day when America can once
more write a sincere Declaration of
Independence and a Bill of Rights
and that those who would dictate
what we shall or shall not read,
wear, drink, eat, see, or say, will
be numbered among the missing"
Censorship belongs only to the
dark ages-with its tortures and in
quisitions.-Cartoon Magazine.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
YOUNGEST VETERAN

YOUNGEST We EhAN
is A SERVIAN
Nicholas Stankovitch, highest dec
GRATED man in the Servian army,
recently added new distinction to
his list when he joined The Legion
in Springfield, Ohio, making him
the youngest Iegionnaire in the
world as he is not yet twenty-one
years old.
Stankovitch left Chicago in 1914
with his father and both enlisted in
the Servian arm, he being only
twelve years old at the time. The
same shell which mortally wounded
his father wounded him. He was
one of the 795 survivors of 10000
Servians who resisted the Aus
trian drive. The young lieutenant
can speak and read in five Ian
guages. Most foreign newspapers
arouse his indignation, declared 1t
Stankovitch, because of their gen
orally antagonistic attitude towards
the United States.
The young veteran has been
searching among Servian people for
his mother from. whom he has been
separated by the events of the war
Some of the boys have not yet
decided whether Congress offered q
bonus or merely pulled boner.
Christian Statesman
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

HIGHER EDUCATION

When they finish that 52-story
college skyscraper out in Pittsburg
they'll have to make it co-educa-
tional. Girls would refuse to be
looked down ON like that
But when they have "class hops, :"
it'll be an awful strain to climb up
and down to "sit out a dance in the
car"
HELEN--(after protracted love
struggle) "Oh George, you've
broken my lavalliere!"
GE0RGE-"Heavens, Helen, lie
down on this table quiclSl Thank God
I studied chiropracticv Exchange
s%*&&*
It's good thing she didn't
break her perieardium!
%&+++&
(And if you don't know the
meaning of that word, it might be
explained that it refers to five
letter word meaning cardiac.)
*&@#%%
Cap. Allen has sent us an invita-
tion to the turkey dinner to be
held by the Pennington Fair As
sociation next Wednesday.
Doc. Magill fed us pretty we'll at
a turtle supper recently, and that
bore us up until Christmas.
Then last Saturday night the Ma
sons took us in" for the banquet
at their annual observance of SITS.
Johns.
We ought to be able to hold out
until New Year, and then Cap. AL
lens invitation will fit in very well.
Not so badl Not so badl
s.*%.s
But the pace is beginning to tell
on us. Jack Sklute has positively
refused to try and let out our
clothes any more. Says we'll have
to buy new one, and BIG ONES.
And ON Christmas night when we
saw the comedy, "The Nervous
Wreck" by the Trent Players,
we busted off several buttons when
we got started laughingl
But we'll die happy, at any ratei
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
SMILIN' THRU
BY GEE SEE
TEN LITTLE FRESHMEN

In a recent questionable con
lucted by the "Tech Aftermath Of
.he Worcester, (Mass.) Polytechnic
Institute, it was learned that thert
were ten students who had never
kissed a girl. But they won't keel
that record long.
TEN little freshmen,
Whose lips were undefiled
By women, song and wine;
Along came fapper
Whose curving lips beguiled,
And then there were only
NINE
little freshmen
Sitting in row;
They'd never had date;
Along came bather
Who had a lot to show,
And then there were only
EIGHT
little freshmen,
Looking pure but dumb,
Without taste of heaven;
One saw a leg show
That made his pulses hum,
And then there were only
SEVEN
little freshmen,
A-sitting in trance,
Without life's thrills and kicks;
One met a necker
Who sat out a dance,
And then there were only
SIX
little freshmen,
Innocent and mild
They hardly seemed alive;
One went to a party
That turned out fast and wild,
And then there were only
FIVE
little freshmen
A-sleeping free from strife
A fire broke out next door;
But one of them awoke
And saved flapper's life,
And then there were Only
FOUR
little freshmen,
A-studying their line
Both heart and fancy free;
Along came a gold-digger
Looking for n mine,
And then there were only
THREE
little freshmen,
Who took a little flyer
In church and bought a pew;
The minister's daughter
Smiled coyly from the choir,
And then there were only
TWO
little freshmen,
Who still continued pure,
But never had much fun;
One met an actress
Who had lot of lure,
AnG then there wos-AnI..s
ONE
little freshman,
A-walking in the mire,
And this is how he fell:
A charming widow stopped
To pump leaky tire,
And now there is only
SOMETHING AWFUL TO PAY
sssAsR
Nowadays, boys of college ag
who haven't kissed girl are abou
as plentiful as the oft quoted "he
teeth"
*&S&s@
And Worcester Tech is to
complimented, not only for havin
ten students with that distinction
but that they were unafraid t
admit it.
s*&&%s
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
NOT DUMB EITHER

She-That dance made me dizzy;
let's sit down.
He-All right. | know a nice dark
corner out on the porch.
She-Thanks just the same-but
I'm not quite ass dizzy as all that.
Royal Gaboon
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
INK FROM OTHER
PRESSES
Humorous and Serious Topics
From Leading Editors
of the Country
WHEN ROSIE ROSE

Oh, rosy was the sunshine
When Rosie came to town,
And rosy was the outline
Thru Rosy's shadow gown.
Orange Owl
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

To give or not to give--that is the
question:
Whether 'tis wiser at this time
to please
The hearts and souls of the fairer
sex
Or to hoard the precious shekels
for a selfish cause
And reap a greater benefit. To
give--to crafty
And thru their pleasure make a
hit
With each and every one who now
exnactont waite
Till a hero am--'tis consum-
nation
Greatly to be wished. To give--to
please
To give and fail and to please!
ay, there's the rub;
For even if study their de-
sires
The thought that each a special
yearning has
Must give us pause; it's but a
chance
That some stray gift may strike
the mark
While all the rest will be vain
expenditure,
And with one smile l may accu-
mulate
The scorn of Jane, the chilling
glance of May,
The ire of Genevieve, the sneers
of Ruth,
The taunting jibes of Hazel and
the hate of Ann,
And every form of discomfort,
When all their hearts may be
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
VETERANS DEPENDENTS
PAID S25 MONTHLY

PAID $25 MONTHLY
The United States is paying out
$25 a month, cash, to the depen-
dents of every American soldier
killed in the World War. Active
death compensation awards up to
the end of the fiscal year 1924 num-
bered 57,051, which included most
of the casualties of the American
armies, according to report by
Director Hines of the Veterans Bur
eau.
The total monthly payment OF
compensation to dependents, parents
in most cases, is s1,482,765, the
average award being $25.58. Eighty
five per cent. of the veterans were
insured, so the amount received by
the dependents is actually much
greater.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
Facts Is Facts

The tickets sold for the Flem-
ington game, if laid end to end,
would equal the distance from Eng
hsh class to English.
The spectators, laid end to end,
would make a respectable cemetery.
In 1910, Lambertville made the
only touchdown of the day, when
upon passing the ball, the center
stood on his head and slid 10 yards
to the goal on his Hair Groom.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

Teacher-When was Martin Van
Buren, President?
Stude {stalling)-I t-h-i-n-k-
Teacher don't care what you
think, want you to tell what you
know.
Stude-I might as well sit down.
/ can't talk without thinking; I'm
no teacher.
I'm in no mood for jest or quip,
To me it's quite jar;
Why do our cargoes go by ship
And shipments go by car?
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

Mr.. Hillegass: Haven't you any
thing to do ?"
Orville Emmons: mot since you
made me throw my chewing gum
away"
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

"Shay, old man, can you tell me
what the ducksh favorite song is %
Don't know ash l can old man"
"Waddle I do?"
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
preserved, and treasure, too,
By a mere Christmas card.
Dear Santy:--

Dear SANITY
I am just a little Frosh. l sit
in one of the home rooms down
stairs. Really dear Sanity, l have
been a good Frosh and have not
insulted any Senior by telling him
he had K. S. R. chalked on his
back and offering to erase it for
him, neither have flunked Latin
like all the other Froshes. Now, |
would like nice bright new shiny
ring, ten cent one, like the jun
iors have. would also like couple
of some kind of pads to put on my
seat in Study Hal SOS it won't
make any noise and get Mr.. Hille-
gasss mad. Remember me to Mrs.
Sanity Claus.
Marmaduke Montmorency
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

There are several classes of NOR
ons. Which class person belongs
to is determined by which news
papers crossword puzzles he likes.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01


built so many buildings?
Noticed in correcting Junior
Themes:
"He wondered thru the valley"
'To the north lies the rubber mill,
pottery, and other smoke-stacks."
"What do our unbelievable eyes
behold"
The department offers prize for
any one who will give us hui
morous account of the past football
season, without single reference to
the drawback or the mud guard.
This is believed impossible and we
dare the English sharks to do their
worst.
The school will hold a marshmal-
low bake on the evening of De1
cember 80. A bus will leave the
corner of Union and Main SITS, at
A A. M. 1t is requested that every
one who has piano bring it along.
She was going down for water
when it happened "Ahal fair
queen" cried he, bounding for
ward, az have you in my powah!"
But the daring maid, dashing
ahead, jumped upon the spring and
bounding high into the air, escap-
ed the clutches of the monster.
Twas the night before Christmas,
( And all thru the fiat,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even the cat.
The stockings over the steam heater
hung
In hope that to fill them
st. Nicholas might come.
When out on the asphalt,
/ There rose a great roar,
jumped out of bed,
And opened the door.
And then Old Kriss
Up the elevator came,
With box-back top coat
Drawn over his frame.
For the kids he placed note on the
shelf,
And motioned me to read it myself
This notice was propped
'Gainst an ivory bust;
Retired from business,
Sold out to the trust"
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

"Gosh, these cakes are as hard
as a rock"
"Sure, didn't you hear her say,
Take your pick, when she passed
them around?"
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

-ss--sunan Letters
Dear Minnie:--
Well | guess its about time to
say Merry Xmas aint it? I'm gonna
think of you whenever | get time
all day long.
bot you Xmas present but
aint going to tell you what it
is. | will say l paid more for it
than l could afford. But you know
how | am with money. A spend
thrift. 1t cost $4.s7 and was
pretty good bargain.
Remember me to your ma and pa,
Oswald.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

Charles Hoffman got so interested
in his Ford that he went into a
shoe store and asked for size 80 X
31a.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

The world amt as righteous as
it used to be. There amt even as
many upright pianos as there was.
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01
SCHOOL NOTES
(From December issue of "The
Steel and Blue" the Lambertville
High School publication.)

Who is this Ammo Domini who
built so many buildings?
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

When they finish that 52-story
college skyscraper out in Pittsburg
they'll have to make it co-educa-
tional. Girls would refuse to be
looked down ON like that
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

But we'll die happy, at any ratei
The Lambertville record., 1925-01-01

But when they have "class hops,
it'll be an awful strain to climb ur
and down to "sit out dance in the
car"
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1925-07-08
His Occupotion

A Teller from down about Slippery
Slap, while passing along the big road
in the Rumpus Ridge neighborhood,
encountered beside the road resident
of the region sitting on a stump and
gazing at the ground. "Howdyr' he
saluted. what are you doing there?"
"Ponderin' was the reply.
"Doing-p'tu which,"
"Ponderin'."
whats that?"
burned if 1 know."-Kansas City
Star
Vilas County news. [volume] (Eagle River, Vilas County, Wis.) 1896-1927, 1925-07-08

bottles and at the end of the first month
] was much better, SO kept on taking
it until ! had no more pains. When /
gotmarried and had my first child / was
in terrible pain so that it was impossi-
BILE for me to do my homework. /
thought of how the Vegetable Compound
had been of so much benefit to me when
Twas girl, so went to Perier's Drug
Store and got six bottles. 1t sure did
help me and / still take it. I am we'll
woman today and can't say too much
about Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound. Twill answer any letter that
comes to me to answer about what your
medicine has done for me. = Mrs.
WILLIAM CARVER, r. Ed. No. 2, Ellens.
burg, Washington.