Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1925-11-06
The Funeral of
Moaa johnson
By ALEXANDER RICKETTS,
(copyright.)

"A desultorily with the landlord-the
wide, roomy porch, with the wobbly,
creaky, comfortable, splint- bottomed
rocking chairs, | happened to mention
having seen General Grants funeral.
"Humph !" observed the landlord,
contemptuously. "You Oughter've seen
Nose Johnson's funeral If you wanter
say you've seen funeral. Eli, fellers|
"Well, let me hear about it," urged.
"Then, TO begin at the beginnin',"
began the landlord, at was all on ac-
count Of an ordnance we've got here
providin' that there sha'n't be any
parades unless the mayor gives a per-
nit for It, Last year when the circus
struck town we had a cross-grained
grabbed old Teller for mayor, an when
the circus man went to get a permit
for his parade he got turned down.
az want a permit to parade says
the circus man.
"You can't have It, says the mayor.
"Td like to know why ] CAN'T
says the circus man.
"'Cause circuses are demorallzln
an indecent inventions Of the devil
for to lead the young an unwary on
ter destruction, an consequently ]
don't approve of Them says the mayor
"'Nothin' of the kind says the
circus man. I'll have you konw that
mine is a great moral and instruc
tin show, thatll benefit an uplift any
community
$50 the two of them had 1t back an
forth, hot an heavy. The circus man
beggin', an the mayor refusin'; the
circus man threatenin', an the mayor
defying' him; the circus man pleadin',
an the mayor sittin' obstinate; the
circus man cussin', an the mayor
finin' him seventy-fve cents per cuss
until the upshot of it all was that
the circus man had to leave without
the permit, but swearin' he'd parade
in spite of all the mayors an per
mits in creation.
well, mister circus man came down
here an carried on somethin' awful,
worse than the widest wild man from
Borneo you ever seen, an offerin'
everythin' to everybody If they'd only
tell him how he could outwit the
mayor, an jest then 1 had sorter an
idear. SO I says to him, Say l says,
Nose Johnson's lynn dead this mint,
waltin' for the poor board to bury
him, Nose always bein' a shiftless,
thoughtless, no-'count kind of a
feller.'
81 wish 1t was the mayor snaps
Mr.. Circus. What of itf
"Well,' l says, Il dunno as there's
any ordnance regulatin' funerals, OF
permits got to be got for the same,
Do get that contract for feedin' the
nnimalsF l says.
"'You do says the circus man
his face lighting up like a transpar-
ency. Set 'em up for the house, an
then come and show me where John
sons abode Is
"At first the dlsconsolate wilder
stood out for full suit of mournIn'
but finally she compromised on a
Grape veil an a pass to the show an
seat on the band wagon.
"Accordin', right on the time ad,
vertised, along down the street past
the mayors office came a hearse, with
Johnson reposin' peacefully in 1t, an
the circus follerin' in all Its glory
with the red an gold glitterln', an
the elephants trumpetln'. an the lions
roarin', an the hyenas laughin', the
band playin', sometimes funera
march to Jig time an sometimes "A
neral march time, am the circus mar
a-straddlln' a dancln' piebald stallion
lookin' proud an serene an happy.
"My socks, wasn't it the mayor
turn to be mad He came rushin' on
Of his office like crazy man on thu
loose, an catchln' hold Of the brides
of the horses pullin the hearse
b, showed them right spang back oil
their launches
"What's the meanin' Of this here?
shouted the circus man, ridin' up, pre-
tendin' to be terribly shocked. 'Wha
do you mean by interferin' In thi!
outrageous way with my old frienC
Mr.. Johnsons funeral, you old grave
rObber your
Wha-atY" gasps the mayor.
"Tll have you know that we're per
formin' our sad duty of attendin' oul
late lamented friends remains t
their last restin' place. Amt we, Mrs
Johnson, says the circus man, pleas
ant as a basket of chips.
"'Yes, you be- chirps the wilder
"Well, sir, the mayor realized
instanter that he didn't have nj
authority to stop a funeral in full
career. SO all he could do was grinC
his teeth, an froth considerable a
the mouth, an hope somethln'd turn
up that'd give him chance at tha
circus man while that parade foleret
Johnson all over town An the!
didn't shirk Johnson none either, hui
finally went ahead an planted him t
the tune of Where Was Moses Wher
the Light Went OutT There was the
biggest crowd at the funeral that
ever attended such melancholy event
in this town.
"An' that's why" concluded the
landlord, we're claimln' that the lasl
sad rites paid to Nose Johnsons ashes
were somethin' new an unique in the