Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1925-12-16
EATS
Written for the Spirit of jefferson b,
A W Hawks. Sr.


] acquired the eating habit earl
IN life; the fact is. brought il wit
me. Lived on a LIQUID diet for
while. but as soon as | got my s'toof
les. | began to do my bit.
SmIthfield Ham in New York City
Several years ago. | was an invited
guest TO banquet in New Yorl
Ilty. You can wager your existenc,
was an invited guest.--ten dollar,
a plate. We had a charming list OF
lady guests. | had lady for my
partner. Her name was Adelint
Moore. | called her ''Postscript".
was to respond to the toast of the
After Dinner Speaker. arose anc
said. AS a professional After Din.
ner Speaker, | will rightly say the
reason We make our speeches after
dinner. IS because II we made them
before dinner, we would not get any
dinner. Great applause.
Say, that's the secret of a success.
fui speaker any where. any time,
have something to say. say il and
sit down.
Right next to me was a young
married man and his wife. He was
nervous, and had been nervous since
she had led him to the matrimonial
halter. He was afraid he could not
support her in the style she was un-
accustomed to. Just before the
time came, he nudged me and said,
Hawks, I've forgotten my speech
well, what's the toast?n
f'The ladies'"
"0h, that's easy Get up on your
hind feet and say, "The Ladies. God
Bless Them. and sit down"
Just then the Toastmaster called
on him: he arose, stood on his feet
and said. THE Ladies. God Dress
En- The he fell down. and you
could hear his wife look at him.
The Drummer's Banquet at Jack
son, Mississippi.--Three years ago,
was invited TO attend a Drummer's
Banquet in Jackson. Mississippi The
gentleman who preceded me, said
We have Sunshine Hawks with us:
we will ask him to ask the blessing.
and at the close. the Rev. DR. Hugh
will pronounce the benediction.
When | arose for my little speech, /
said, THE world moves. il keeps on
getting better and better. Here we
are at Drummer's Banquet: we
open with prayer and close with the
benediction. When | was a drum
mer and went to Drummers' Ban
quets' we opened with mint iulep
and closed with headache
Bishop Vincent at a Battle Creek
Banquet.--A number of years ago.
| was sick down in Florida DIR KEEL
logg at Battle Greek. heard of it. and
wrote to me, They tell me you have
been doing good work on the plat
form and that you are knocked out
by Standardization. Come up and
spend month with us, at our ex-
pense. Why. we will call on you for
two lectues a week" / wrote him,
Dear Doctor. Your letter received.
/ accept your invitation. Will be
with you the first of next month. |
am not suffering with auto intoxica-
ton, never owned an auto, and have
not had drink since September LIST,
1876" He replied. "Come right
along"
/ spent a month at Battle Creek,
and they saved my life. One Thanks
giving night we had banauet-no
meat. of course; lot of nice turkeys
in coop. and above each coop, this
sign: eve, too, are thankful" We
all chanted together, God Be With
You Until We Meat Again."
Dr. Vincent told this story in his
speech. It's an old one. but has
new turn at the end.
"As Sunshine Hawks is here. said
the Bishop, 81 will tell you a chicken
story. You like chickens, don't you,
Hawks?"
Both kinds. Bishop, go on with
your story"
hop, there was a hen that had lot
chickens in her chickenyard. They
were all chickens. especially little
Billy-if there had been Y M c A
in the chicken yard, he would have
been the Secretary. Well, one day
his mother went away to spend the
night. When she returned the next
evening. she missed little Billy and
she asked the other children. where
is little Billy?" And with one ac-
cord they answered. mother dear.
yesterday, the Methodist preacher
was here. and Little Billy was offer
ed up for sacrifice" The mother
cried little. then wiped her eyes
and said, II must not cry. ought
to be thankful that Little Billy enter
ed the ministry. for he never would
have been success as Law member
Schumann Heinck. as a cook.
was managing the platform at a
Chautauqua out West; Schumann
Heipck came to us for ane evening.
We paid her $1,000 and took in
$4,000. At supper. she said. Mister
Sunshine. you like the omelet?"
Every much, Madam"
Zach. all right. ! make you one"
She slipped kitchen apron over
her evening dress. and cooked me
the best omelette ever stuck tooth
| in.
Sousa's Steaks. / think it was al
Browns Chop House in New York
City / attended a T Beefsteak Din.
| ner. We had no knives, or forks
We held the steak by the bone and
kept time to Mr.. Sousa's Crane
March. as he used his steak as
! Ill.,, xxarn tha hoc+ CT q he