davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Hemct. Riverside county. will
huild Il new city hall.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

If you have tried all the rest. Now
try the best. Mcbride Dairy, Grade
4 Raw Milk. south 4th st. l2tf
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15
Injuries Not Serious-Friends

Injuries Not Serious-Friends of
Mrs. j. ]. Green. who was in an
automobile accident while return
ing to the valley last weekend,
will be glad to know that Mrs
Green, though badly cut by broken
glass. was not injured seriously.
The accident occurred At White Star
where the Green 5 car was run in
to by another machine Mr.. and
Mrs. Green were on their way
home from an extended summer va
cation in the north and along the
Russian river. They also spent sev-
eral weeks in San Francisco. stay
ing until jubilee wfek. then motor
ing to Sacramento for the state
fair.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Marga lies to the east OF Mosu
rear the border of Persia.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15
RUTH TEEpLE REID PIANO
SCHOOL.
roo Holt Avarue TeIanhnpa O9E

Piano, harmony, theory, accom-
panying classes in historical pagean-
try for children.
Private lessons only in piano, four
year normal course granting teach
er's certificate. Three year diplo-
ma courses. Affiliated with Nat
ional Aacademy of New York City.
Sarah Salmon, assistant to Mrs.
Reid uses the "Dunning System for
Beginners, Early enrolment is
urged as only 4 limited number OF
pupils will be accepted. If
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Parisienne Beauty Shoppe. Phone
'S3. adv
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15
NEWS BRIEFS
From City ond Comfy

Automobile Loans. clear yonr
ear and loan you money, you pay
me by the month. Fred K. Cross,
$50 Main s. Phone 359J: El Cen
tro. adv
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Motoring Home-Word has been
received that Dr. and Mrs. l.. c.
House, who have been spending the
last two months in the east. are
ready TO start home. They plan to
motor west from Detroit, stopping
in Indiana to visit Dir. Houses peo,
pie, and at other points Mrs. House
and Dorothy Lou have been visiting
IN Denver and other Colorado cities
during part of the summer, and DR..
House has been studying at Mayo
Brothers at Rochester. Mimi.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Eealsilk. Phone 5G7-J.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Dance Every Wednesday and Sat
urday nights at Heber Palm Garden.
adv
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15
Home Cooked Meals at New q

gon Cafe.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15
Do You Like Good Cream7

Drink Coachella Artisan water.
Call Budwine Bottling Co., phone
22-W.
Imperial Valley press., 1925-09-15

Such was the Presidents order.
RESULT? A new w-day automobiles a
price unbelievable until today. Full-size-
5-passenger; sliding-gear transmission,
at less than $6OO-for the first time in
ali history.
Evening star., 1925-11-08

the weakling. He is quite in AS
power, having lost all his money n
bets.
Poor e is an undersized, frail man,
with plaintive face. Constant walk
ing, digging and pumping have
broken his health and ruined his
nervous system. His joyless life has
driven him to drink and smoke more
than is good for him, and his hand
often shakes as he digs bitches. He
has not the strength to work as the
others can; in fact, as Hamlin Smith s
arithmetic has said, "A can do more
work in one hour than c in four
The first time that ever / saw these
men was one evening after a regatta.
They had all been rowing in it, and
it had transpired that A could row
as much in one hour as 3 in two
or & in four. B and G had come
i'll dead tagged and c was coughing
badly.
Just then A came clustering in and
shouted: II say. you fellows, Ham
lin Smith has shown me three els
terms in his garden and he says we
can pump them until tomorrow night
| bet | can beat you both. Come on.
You can pump in your rowing things,
you know. Your cistern leaks d little,
| think, G"
| heard Il Growl that it was a
rotten shame and that c was used up
now, but they went. and presently
could tell by the sound of the water
that y was pumping four times as
fast as G.
Evening star., 1925-11-08
Numerology Science Shows Startling
Facts About Well known Characters
(CopyriEht. 1925

! of the names. For inst. if your first
name is Anna you add up TO II and
| if you amt got no other name you
are a 3, which is what the digits of
II adds to.
| a person can amuse themself 4
whole evening figuring out what diff
/ ferent peoples names should really
ought to be according to their birth
number. For example we found out
that Judge Landis by birth is a :.
A 7 denotes self.satisfaction and
pose, but is not likely To bestow
glory or renown." Then we went
ahead and figured that the judge
could overcome this and maybe get
himself some glory and renown by
Jack Dempsey's birthday makes
him Il spot. "A feminine, receptive
number. 1t is peaceloving, even
tempered and kind, has charm and
affection. but is likely TO lack init
ative and efficiency" Now that hits
the nail right on the bean you might
say. but Jacks name number is q I.
putting him in the plugging class
along with Keysa and Feona Rinona
Jack should ought to be a , in name
as well as birth. A Indicates that
its bearer will succeed by cleverness
rather than force-the velvet glove
rather than the mailed fist" And
Jack could accomplish this by the
simple expedient of changing his
name to Lula Bot.
Evening star., 1925-11-08
BY ED WYNN.

~ EAR MIR. WYNN: An uncle OF
mine told me his daughter
who is years of age, has a
IL pet clam" with which she
plays. He even tried to
make me believe that the clam"
would get in bed at night and cuddle
up along side of his daughters neck
and sleep, 1t sounds silly to me. Do
you believe it?
Sincerely. c. FOOD.
Answer: OF course I believe it. In
the first place. the girl is years of
age. That means she Is quite small;
being small, she must have a tiny
neck. The reason the clam cuddles
by her neck Is very plain. 1t prob
ably Is a little neck clam"
Dear Mr., Wynn: l have not been
we'll and don't feel strong enough to
work. In fact ! haven't worked a
day in the past six months. Can
you advise me what to do that will
make 1t possible for me to work?
Sincerely. NJ. PLOYMENT.
Answer: Ginger ale is very good for
your strength. but you must take
it right away. Go to any drug store
and take six bottles of ginger ale,
run out of the place without paying
for them and let a policeman catch
you. When the policeman tells the
judge that you took six bottles Of
ginger ale without paying for them
Evening star., 1925-11-08

are often called Y, Y, II. But these
are only their Christian names, and
they are really the same people.
* x
history Of these men through
countless pages of problems, watched
them in their leisure hours dallying
with cord wood, and seen their pant.
ing sides heave in the full frenzy of
filing a cistern with leak in it,
they become something more than
mere symbols. They appear as crea-
lures of flesh and blood, living men
with their own passions. ambitions
and aspirations, like the rest of US.
Let us view them in turn. a is a
full-blooded, clustering fellow of en-.
ergetic temperament. hot-headed and
stronEwilled. 1t is he who proposes
everything, challenges = To work
makes the bets and bends the others
TO his will.
He Is a man of great physical
strength and phenomenal endurance.
He has been known to walk AS hours
at a stretch and to pump 96. His
life is arduous and full of peril. A
mistake in the working of d sum
may keep him digging a fortnight
without sleep. A repeating decimal
in the answer might work him to
death.
b is quiet. easy-going fellow
afraid of A and bullied by him, but
very gentle and brotherly to little c,
Evening star., 1925-11-08

comb to clean off the center table in
the living room, and Heavens knows
what they had done to Georges own
personal easy chair. At any rate 1t
had been a easy chair when we left
it, but Hot Bozo, it sure looked very
uneasy now. 1t was one of them old
antique chairs called wing chairs, and
it looked like it had tried it's wings
while we was away. but got no fur
ther than the ceiling. Anyways, both
wings needed to be set in splints, but
so far not even first aid had been
administrated.
When Geo. seen this damage. he
give a enthusiastic imitation of a
hungry hon being introduced to a
raw beefstake. For the luvva tripe.
he yelled, what have that big bunch
of buns been doing to the house,
anyways, what are they conner give
US to make up for this? Well dear.
l says. so far l have found one strange
toothbrush, two ragged suits of under
wear. half jar of rancid cold cream or
salad dressing, amt just sure which.
and three seat-checks, kinda badly
worn. for the family circle at the
Palace theatre of June last annum.
But the day is young yet. may find
more.
But Geo. kept putting up a terrible
holler about the damage. Say, Jen-
ME. he yelled at me. there Is only
one way we can get even with this
condition, that is to collect on our
insurance, you know ! carry collision
insurance on my furniture, also en-
ployers liability, where and the dick
ems did YOU put them policies. can't
find them no place? And / says l
didn't put them. it must of been you,
but the way everything has been
who knows where they are?
Well. we looked everyplace from
under the ice-box to the ton of the
hall clock. and George kept feeling
in his vest pockets again and again
and saying, well, simply can't imag-
inc where that policy is. that's all
but I'm going to put in my claim
right away, i gotter get this outa
somebody's hide.
X X X
HOT Bozoi 1t took I and George
at least a week to get the house
anyways near settled, on account we
could only work nights after he come
home from the office. And so long
as the house was upset why I realized
1t was a good chance to try the furni-
ture in some new poses around the
rooms and l got him to try If the
sofa looked better backed up against
the wall with its arms raised, or In
front of the fireplace, and etc. But
during all this moving. we never could
find that insurance policy, and the
agent, who had the carbons of 1t, was
Evening star., 1925-11-08
BY RING LARDNER.

~O THE EDITOR: No doubt the
most of my readers has heard
OF the science of numerolosy'
which has been quietly in
existence for a long time, but
which recently seems to OF TOOK on
new least of life. In fact daily articles
on the subject is being written lot
the papers by Miss Neysa McMeIi' q
noted expert and perhaps dean OF
living numerologists. Miss McMein
could explain the object and details
of the science far better than me, but
suffice it to say that it deals with
your birth number and your name
number and the idear is to get the
two numbers to harmonize 50 as 10
attain the highest happiness ana
success,
The way to find your birth number
can be told by the following example:
Suppose you was born on the four
| teenth day of October, 1898. October
is the tenth month. SO you add the
| | and the 0 and you have l. Then
YOU take the fourteenth day and add
| the l and the and YOU get 5. Then
you add up the digits of 1898 and you
get %, or 2 plus equals 8. Add that
to your and your l and you get
Ia, or l plus 4 equals 8. That means
your birth number is and that you
was born to be social and personal
attraction, of great charm, but no
great depth; tickle and changeahle.
Now the next idear is to get your
self a name that will offset and over.
come them weaknesses and at the
same time fit in with the charm. If
your own name number don't add up
right it becomes necessary to re-
ehristen yourself with a name that
does. Like, for inst, We will take
Miss McMein, and l am not going to
ell you when she was born, but her
irst name was Marjorie. According
% my arithmetic, the name Marjorie
McMein adds up to 3, and is the
10y number. 1.-The destiny of its
,older." says the dope, lis to bring
aughter and joy to Others"
Well evidently Miss McMein didn't
want to bring no laughter and joy to
others so she took the name Neysa,
making her a 4. And it says, "A life
governed by this number will find
success through hard work, through
everlastingly plugging away at the
job" Now they may be some that
will question her judgment in making
that kind of a change, but the results
seems to be o. X. and she still man
ages to bring laughter and joy to
others without so everlastingly plug
ging away at the job that she don't
Evening star., 1925-11-08

cause they amt no vice in towns like
Topeka"
"oh. yes," I assures her. There
Is, only the vice in those small towns
is dull. stupid and dirty. In New
York. at any rate, it's bright, clean
and snappy. In New York one can
drink like a gentleman from a bottle
that contains something resembling
whisky. In Topeka, for example, he'd
have to sneak through a couple Of
alleys, down into a nasty basement
and swallow something. that tastes
like a cross between furniture polish
and what the cats brought In. Is vice
any less vicious because it's dirty"
NO." returns Kate, "but 1T is, II
it's less open. and it's wide open in
New York"
Perhaps" says I, "but it takes a
demand to create supply and the
supply don't come from the native.
Home life In the big burg amt no diff
ferent than 1t is on West Main street
in Muscatine. The folks go to church,
play a little cards at home, monkey
with their little gardens, wash up the
kids for school and spend the rest Of
Evening star., 1925-11-08
BY STEPHEN LEACOCk.

| ~ HE. student of arithmetic VINO
has successfully striVen with
| money sums and fractions
| i finds himself confronted by
an unbroken expanse of ques-
tions known as problems. These
are short stories of adventure and in
dustry with the end omitted. and
| though betraying strong family re-
mblance, are not without q certain
element of romance.
The characters in the plot Of a
problem are three people called A, B
and G. The form of the question Is
generally of this sort:
"A, b and G do u certain piece oil
| work. A can do as much work in an
| hour as b in two or G in four. Find
how long they work at it
| Or this:
"A. B and c are employed to dig
| a ditch. A can dig as much I'm one
hour as can dig in two, and B can
| dig twice as fast as c. Find how
long, etc, etc"
| Or after this wise:
"A lays a wager that he can walk
faster than B or G. A can walk half
as fast again as B, and G Is only an
| Indifferent walker. Find how far,
and so FORTH
The occupations of A, 3 and c are
many and varied. IN the older aflth-
metics they contented themselves
with doing "a certain piece of work.
| This statement of the case. however.
was found too sly and mysterious. or
| possibly lacking in romantic charm.
| 1t became the fashion to define the
| job more clearly and to set them at
walking matches, ditch digging, re-
gattas and piling cord wood.
At times they became commercial
and entered into partnership, having
with their old mystery a certain
capital" Above all they revel in mo-
ton. When they tire of walking
matches-A rides on horseback. or
borrows bicycle and competes with
hts weaker minded associates on foot.
| Now they race on locomotives; now
on automobiles; then they row: or
again they become historical and en-
gage stage coaches; or at times they
are aquatic and swim.
If their occupation is actual work,
| they prefer to pump water into els
terms, two of which leak through
holes in the bottom and one of which
| is watertight. A, of course, has the
| good one, he also takes the bicycle,
and the best locomotive. and the right
of swimming with the current. What
| ever they do, they put money on il,
being all three sports. A always wins.
In the early chapters of the arith-
metic their identity Is concealed un-
| der the names John, William and
| Henry, and they wrangle over the
division of marbles. In algebra they
Evening star., 1925-11-08

come home he didn't seem to realize
what had happened. and / could hear
him down there barking his shins and
just plain barking, for several minutes
before l could come to his rescue.
The minute George seen by the halls
early light what had happened to the
furniture, he commenced to tell me
what he thought of these sudden
changes. Say lookit here Jennie. he
says. how many more times have l
got to come back to a perfectly strange
home? | am sick and tired, he says, of
sitting down in the place where nay
easy chair used to be and finding my
self landed on the kitchen stove, /
go to look for a little cold snack late
at night and when I open the door
where the ice box belongs, the only
thing l can find is a volume by Lamb.
I'm sick and tired trying to pick nv
hat off the spot where the hat tree
ought to be.
OF course I listened with all the
meekness of a wife when her hus-
band Is giving a good imitation of a
loud speaker. But just as quick as
the static set IN, I come back at him
Say dear, I says. I'm awful sorry
II things don't suit you. Come on
dear, leave us move all the living
room furniture right back where it
uset to be.
Well Geo. says all right, my heaven
all right. I'll move that stuff once
more. but this is positively the last
time, comon, now, or never. Hot
Bozo. a married woman don't often
catch a man in that frame of mind,
she usually has to frame him for IL
deliberately. So l at once told Geo.
just where / thought things would
look more honey. and the last thing
OF all to move was the desk, and when
he moved II one drawer come omen
and there, right where II ought to
of been, was Georges furniture In
surance policy.
There dear. I says at once, YOU
see, there was some sense in all this
moving our furniture about. Now
you have your policy and you can
collect your money for what them
Joe Bushes done to our house, Hot
Bozo' Geo. grabbed up the policy
and looked at 1t and In a minute he
says Aw shucks (only he SAYS it in
different language) Aw shucks, he SAYS,
It's no good, 1t expired this morning
Then he threw it back in the desk
drawer and grabbed up grandpa :
wax funeral wreath.
Wen, he says. that's hard luck, but
never mind, Where will hang this
wreath: he says. And looked at him
and AT the policy. And then / smiled
sweetly. Dear, | says. / think the
wreath would look awfully suitable
HING over that policy!
Copyright. 1s25D
Evening star., 1925-11-08
A

out of town on a two weeks vaccina-
ton or something.
OF course we sent the stuff which
had been injured to the infirmary
where they send inf1rm antiques to
be made less so. And after we had
done this l says to Geo. why don't
we put out little Of the rent money
we got out of the Bushes for a new
living room table? And seeing where
had a argument in my eye, Geo.
says yes. So, after we had got the
living room all set, / went down to
the Emporium. and bought lovely
center table, and that evening just
after Geo. had set down comforta BILE
with the evening paper. why the
Emporium sent 1t up. and had Geo.
try 1t in few places, and finally put
it under the bow window with Grand
pas funeral wreath of wax flowers
over 1t. and the room certainly looked
fine that way.
And Geo. says. well, that certainly
looks great. I hope to heaven this is
the last moving we haf to do And
/ says yes dear, think the room looks
lovely this way, l wouldn't change
it for anything.
But when the next afternoon the
wing chair come home all we'll and
healthy and wearing its new made to
VI Oci sult, SccH tildt tue lVlnS room
would never look right the way tt
was. So that evening I had to asst
Geo. to move things around little,
to make the room kinda fit together
better, and put the big chair near
the mantel. with Grandpa's wax fu.
neral wreath over 1t, to look quaint.
And when we got it fixed. that room
certainly looked nice. Well, says Geo
with high, at last we are settled
for the Winter, the room sure does
look honey, / am glad not to have to
bother with IT no more. now we can
be comfortable and quiet.
IN coupla days. looking at the new
table. and the synthetic chair,
couldn't but help realize where we
had ought to buy q new parlor rug
out Of the profit we made off of Joe
Bush's rent money. to make the rest
of the room look right. So without
giving this inspiration a chanst to
cool by calling up Geo. and talking
1t over, why l simply ordered up the
rug which I had had for a long time
spotted in the Emporium window, and
when 1t come Annie Gooch, the lady
help and me, laid it as good as any
two hens, and while we was at it,
moved all the parlor furniture into
the hall and rtce-fs-worser as the
French say, and then l went on up
stairs to wash up before Geo. come
home. forgetting to turn on any of the
lights down stairs. So when Geo.
Evening star., 1925-11-08

chances in New York than any place
in the United States"
You're crazy" returns the wife.
THE place is full of temptation"
Sure" says I. You can be
tempted to get drunk and you can be
tempted to go to Columbia University
and listen to a lecture on the Bible.
You can be tempted to go to a hoof
and mouth show on Broadway or you
can be tempted to go to Carnegie
Hall and hear a great concert. You
can be tempted to play daddy around
a night club or you can be tempted to
go to the National Museum. The
funny thing is that the New Yorker
keeps up the university lectures, the
concerts and the museums, while the
rough stuff gets its backing from the
would-be boycotters from the rest of
the country. When a New Yorker
goes to Topeka, Kans., on business he
does his work and he's in the hay at
8 pm; when the average Topekan
comes to New York he's not in the
hay until a. m. and his trousers are
hanging from the chandelier"
That" suggests the wife, "is be
Evening star., 1925-11-08
BY SAM HELLMAN.

</T SEE" remarks the misses.
- where a lot of them reformers
is talking about boycotting
1 New York"
"How?" inquire.
by having the rest Of the country
keep their business away from the
city, | suppose" answers the frau.
That" says I. "is just about as eX-
citing as a bunch of guys in Nevada
threatening to starve out Iowa by re-
fusing to ship any corn into the
State"
Don't you think the whole United
States could hurt New York;" asks
Kate.
Sure they could" admits, eff they
could be got together on the scheme,
but you don't imagine those hicks out
in the sticks are going to put their
own hideaway on the hummer, do
you?"
Climb out of the gutter snaps the
wife. and talk English"
What I mean, gal" I explains, lis
that 80 per cent of the rottenness in
New York is just old home week stuff
for the boys from Nebra ska and Kan
sas and the rest of the sorghum and
slo belt. How long do you think the
night clubs and the chicken shows in
New York d last if they had to depend
on the local residents for keeping the
ticket specs in luxury? Who do you
think the bootleggers in New York
peddle most of their hooch to-"
You. 1 would say" shifts the
misses.
Il was talking to bimbo in the
dress business the other day." says l,
and he was telling me that he'd just
bought so cases of hooch. What forT
/ asks. You don't drink. do you?
Not a drop he comes back, but
wouldn't sell even six dresses all sea-
son if / didn't keep the visiting buyers
in Uquor. The minute they land in
town they expect you to have a mes
senger over to the room with a couple
of quarts. More than half of the stuff
that's landed around here goes to big
business houses for the Western
trade
Maybe" agrees the wife, but
booze amt the only thing the reform.
ers are complaining about"
II know" says l. but what do you
think the visitor from the sticks wants
besides hooch? \ rotten show and
some gals TO liquor up with after the
performance. And those are the lads
that are expected to join the boycott
against New York. l laugh hoarse.
You might as well try to get a bunch
of Arabs to start campaign to wipe
out the snappiest oasis in the Sarah
Desert. New York's the playground
for the country, and the kind of
amusements they're going to have in
the playground are the kind the boys
that play and pay want. If guy
wants to be decent he's got more