The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-11-12
SMILIN' THU
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1925 by Gordon Cooper
THE OLD TIME RELIGION

"Whut's de matter yo' didn't come
ter chech las Sunday" inquired
Doc Bloom, pastor of the Antioch
African Baptist Church, South, as
he stopped a decrepit darby who
was passing Mercer University cam
pus where Doc was employed on
week days as gardner.
"Well, Parson, Abs s'prised dat
yo' AK me sech questchun. seein'
as how bad de wedder wuz las
Sunday! Dat wuz sech bad storm
dat All wouldn't even turn dog
out in hit, much less go to chech.
But den All wuz represented, cause
All sent nah wife ter chech ir-
stead"
Doc Bloom shook his head sadly
"Dat sounds powerful bad from a
OF man lax yo' whuts gittin' so
near de grave! Everdently yo' doan
think ez much Nv yo' wife ez yo'
does NV yo' dog! Shame on yo'."
Oats all right bout nah wife"
retorted the old darby with some
spirit, "Ah's done TUX good kere Nv
'er, an now hits time fer me ter
git a lii 'tenshun Wen All mated
dat oman she didn't hab nothin' but
a prayer book an a lovin' habit.
An now she's got a home whut's
paid fer, an she'll git insurance
wen All dies!
"Huh" snorted Doc. prayer book
an a lovin' habit! BUT EFF YO'D
PAID Ell MUCH 'TENSHUN TER
DE PRAYER BOOK EZ YO' DID
TO DE LOVIN' HABIT, YOD
A-BEEN A BISHOP BY NOWw
And with that he turned away in
disgust.
The decrepit old darby only chuck
led and continued his hobbling gait
down the street.
Doc returned to his work grumb-
ling ode OF time religion amt whit
hit ulster bel Dey amt even got no
respect FER de preacher, much less
fer dey wifes%
In the midst of his grumbling
Dean Vendors came across the camp
us. Doc saw him out of the corner
of his eye, but he gave no sign
of recognition. There were times
when he didn't exactly approve of
Dean Venders-he was a little too
pompous and he was always using
Zig words that Doc couldn't under
stand
"Well, WE'LL" began the Dean as
he stopped and clasped his hands
behind him. "The eminent colored
divine gives every indication of being
in high dudgeon. What is the cause
of the querulousness this morning ?"
Doc jabbed his trowl vindictively
into the flower bed and stood up.
as yo' talkin' bout me-" he asked
rather beligerently. "'Cause eff yo'
is All wants yer ter know, Perfes
ser, dat All CANT talk nothin' but
plain United Statesp
The Dean threw back his head
and laughed heartily. And that did
int help Docs frame of mind. "Why
my dear Doctor, it isn't becoming
that minister carry chips on his
shoulders like thatw
"Dey amt no chips on nah
shouldah, an dey amt no flies on
nah haid! Jes' cause yo's so high
dedicated, Perfesser, dey amt no
reason wy yo's got right ter make
fool NV po' oil man lax me whut
amt had no chanel ter git learnn!
But even eff All is ignernt, All amt
nevah made no breaks lax whut yo'
made wen yo' got mad at de stu
dents an say dat yo' wouldn't suit
n mule by calm 'em mules, but dat
hit wuz mo- 'propriate ter call 'em
mules coltsl"
"Now just what do you mean by
that ?" sternly demanded the Dean.
He had never been known to appre-
ciate joke, and it was evident
that he was bristling with animosity.
But Doc stood his ground, "Ah
means dat even eff All amt dedicated
| Abs got huff sense ter know dat a
mule doan hab no colts! De way
dey gifts mules is by breedin' a
jackass an a mare tergedder, an
de mules is freaks OBJ Natur', an
dey doan hab no colts!"
The Deans face flushed. He open
ed his mouth for an angry retort but
noticed a group of students APP
preaching, and he decided on hasty
retreat.
But the clash had cleared Docs
feelings. His frown gave way to a
grin of jubilance at having routed
a dedicated perfesser." He picked
up his trowcl, and as he returned to
work his sonorous voice opened up
on popular old folk song
Granny, will yo' dog bite?
No, Chile, MOI