The Bismarck tribune., 1925-11-25
RY TOM SIMS

BY TOM SIMS
Thanksgiving Day is coming. ready
or not. Falls this year on the last
Thursday in the wetk. Only Thanks
giving Day we viii have during
1925, believe it or not.
Such phenomena deserve more
than passing thought. Life's a
one-way street. Old D.l Time is the
traffic cop. Can't go back for an
other look at the days YOU miss.
Really, with the exception of this
one. we. are entirely out OF Thanks
giving Days. temporarily. No more
in until next fall.
Then how will you celebrate the
momentous occasion? Be thankful
when the day arrives? Or thankful
when it is gone? Or. perhaps, both !?
Things you do in life are not so
important as things you don't do.
SO first you must plan what not
to do Thanksgiving. Later you may
decide upon what to do. And every
body will be happy, and it will be a
beautiful world with flowers in the
florists shops.
Don't kick your wife in the libs
as you crawl out of bed on Thanks
giving morning. Not that it would
break rib, but she might fracture
her arm throwing a shoe at you.
Then She couldn't cook.
Don't disagree with the cook on
Thanksgiving morning. If you do
! her food is liable to disagree with
you.
Nero fiddled around while Rome
burned. What did he play? Why,
don't be silly. He played fiddle.
! And if you make the cook mad on
Thanksgiving morning she may fid-
die around while dinner burns.
| One time there was man and he
the cook was cooking because cooks
almost always cook in kitchen.
| This cook didn't get paid for cooking
in this kitchen. She was the mans
wife. He said. "You can't make bis
cults like my mother used to make
She said, "You can't make money
| like my father used to make"
Didn't that bumfuzzle him though
1t happened one Thanksgiving. Hope
| it did. anyway.
Best way for man to help his
! wife cook is to 90 into the front part
Of the house and smoke cigar un-
til she calls him.
While smoking his cigar he should
! be very careful not to go to the door
and look for the Sunday paper. Sim
ply because he might be absent-mind-
ed and decide to wait for it. When
it arrives three days later he Will be
| worn out.
SO remember, Thanksgiving may
seem like Sunday to you, but don't
hunt the Sunday paper.
1t is best to be about medium
sized person on Thanksgiving. Don't
be too fat. All the fat people are
reducing. They will eat too much
turkey and stretch out on their
backs, but they will not be COM
Portable. Even if their stomachs
don't hurt them their old con-
sciences will growl.
Don't be too thin on Thanksgiv-
ing. Even if a thin persons con-
science doesn't hurt after eating too
much, his stomach will.
On second, third; fifth and ninth
thought, perhaps the above is an err
.ror. Maybe you shouldn't be a me-
dium-sized person. If so, you will
eat too much and then your con-
science and stomach both howl.
nap after dinner. Better plan to
on the wall beside your phone in
large numerals so the. children may
read as they run.
You have no idea how extremely
important this is. The kids may call
the undertaken by mistake. And the
undertaken may come out and bury
you before you have a chance to ex-
plain.
One Thanksgiving Day a man ate
! a big dinner and got flat on his back
and first thing you know he was
dreaming. He thought his wife took
his last dime and blew it in for 4
loaf Of bread when there wasn't a
chew of tobacco in the house.
He broke out in a cold sweat and
screamed. Neighbors rushed in.
They calmed him. He learned his
wife had done no such thing. She
had only run away with the butcher =