davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Have Women Be Thankful Fo Everything Says Mrs. Morris

ing out, and the soup being just a
hint soured, and the cranberries
being half-rotted because the snow
held up the trains. I'm glad Moth
er ISN'T all broken up today be
cause they didn't have any citron
this year, over at the store, and
the brown sugar gave out efore the
molasses cookies were mixed.
1t was all very pretty-very pic
turesque-that Colonial kitchen,
with its spinning wheel and its
roasting spit and its Dutch oven,
but how backs must have ached in
those days, how feet must have
burned over the endless journeys up
Observation-Disclosures Syllabus
to whip, the butter and sugar to
cream, the big square, napkins to
press and set about the long table
in the chilly dining-room.
Ice cream in those days-and in
deed in my own memory meant
angling and pounding and scraping
and mixing and tasting, and sloppy
hours spent over melted ice and
singing salt and clumsy pieces of
carpet.
THANKS FOR COMFORT.
And I'm thankful that mine to-
day DOESN'T, I'm thankful for ice
boxes. gas and electric stoves, ele-
vators, vacuum cleaners, telephones,
caterers, modern markets, furnaces
they may not be picturesque, but
they're comfortable! And did you
ever know anyone, however roman
tic, who COULD have them. and
who preferred the old way?
As nation we are in many ways
corrupt and stupid, of course. But
as nation, too, we are in many
mays enlightened and generous and
public-spirited and far-sighted be-
yond anything that has ever been
dreamed of in the history of the
world-and for that let us give
thanks!
Do all our plans for liquorless
homes, and education, and clean
milk, and clean books. and universal
health and intelligent politics and
prison reforms really work?
WE ARE TRYING.
They do NOT. But let us at least
be glad that we HAVE them, that
we are TRYING to practice broth
erhood, trying to give the meanest
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

Gone. Gone from our national
life, with the candles that had to
be trimmed. and the lamps that had
to be filled. the flax that had to be
spun and the pigs that had to be
smoked! Gone the big families.
the old phrases: "My husband and
the older boys-the three little girls
are out with my Oldest daughter
all ten of the children.'
And nationally we ARE the poor
er in. some ways because of the
change. But let us remember, on
this Thanksgiving Day, that ma
tionally, at this very moment, we
are intellectually, incredibly, rich
in other ways.
GOOD" OLD TIMES.
Because that romantic old time
had its hideous flaws, just as our
times have. Read of the old days,
the casual difference of parents
whose affection was spread among
a dozen or fifteen youngsters, the
constituencies and jealousy and re-
sentiment among those children. The
cry-baby sister, the nervous child,
the morbid brother, the nursery
epidemics that sometimes swept
away-as in the case Of a certain
Archbishop of Canterbury less than
a hundred years ago-si1 small lives
in one short week. There were no
toothbrushes in those days. no bath
rooms, no antiseptic precautions of
any sort. A great-great-aunt of
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Mrs. Norris Says

COMBINES into discouraged moods in which is hard
- be thankful at all.
Politics represented democracy failure; morals
nowhere disgusting,
Oh dear! And here Thanksgiving Day again. and what
to be thankful about?
Everybody isn't thrifty busy and happy America
But everybody COULD be-
In America trying at least be good" Do achieve
it? No. yet Perhaps SHALL But tryingyng
harder than other nation in the world.
And that .ternalIy GIVE THANKS
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

SOMETIMES one gets into dis
~ couraged moods in which it is
hard to be thankful at all.
The days raced by and we race
madly along beside them, and never
seen to have time to stop and
think.
And when we DO stop for a
moment. IL all does seem so dis
ccuraging. Some afternoon when
the children have gone off to the
circus, and the dinner dessert is
made and on the ice. when we sink
into a big chair before the fire,
ard reach for handful of maya
zines-what awful things they do
manage to tell us.
Politics are represented as fatty
and completely corrupt, and demo-
cracy. so fine. so high in Wash.
ington's day, is failure.
EVERYTHING WRONG.
Morals are nowhere. between hip
TASKS and racing cars and bare
knees and jazz. and bootleggers and
divorces, and scandals.
Fashions are digusting and ex-
travagant. Rents are outrages.
Birth control is-or isn't-about
to exterminate the world. Movies
are getting worse and worse. Plays
well, if you go at all, you have
to resign yourself to indecent plays.
Prohibition and woman's suffage
and the League and the Treaty
and the army and the navy are all
expensive farces. Public education
doesn't educate. Public health con-
troll doesn't cure.
oh, dear! And here it is Thanks
giving Day again. and what are
we going to be thankful for?
We look wistfplly back to the
days of the early Thanksgiving.
Snow, laughter, rosy cheeks, de-
licious odors of the big turkey and
the big pies. Merry chicken romp-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Texas Ranger.

1t is human nature that some are
hewers of wood and some drawers
of dividends.
Wash. Cougars Paw.
Officer: My man, why do you
hold on to that lamp post?
Drunk: Hic--it tried to walk
away, oshiffcr. an I 'ust ashed it
to TAX me home.
Vanderbilt Masquerader.
"They say kissing is most danger
Gus early in the morning.
"A fellow ought to know better
than to stay SO long anyhow
Hamilton Royal Gaboon.
Little tastes of lipstick.
Sticky, sweet and red,
II tdheu nc u uietT
Will leave one sick or dead.
West Point Pointer.
A village is a place where
prominent citizen wears galluses in
order to have a place to rest his
thumbs.
Lafayette Tyre.
Rather a juicy bit, this" OBJ
served the groom as he removed the
foaming steed's bride.
Cornell Widow.
There's one person that agrees
with me-" said the cannibal.
Goblin.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

little foreign-born resident amongst
us his fair chance. Not all the rich
men and women of America are
cold-blooded autocrats nowadays,
pressing the masses under an iron
heel OF power. Thousands Of them
are working fcr their less fortunate
brothers, pouring out their money
and their labor to help and to edu-
cate and to uplift. Not all prisons
are torture chambers, not all labor
ers are underpaid, not all schools
are closed to women.
And that wasn't true in the pic
turesque days of spinning wheels
and roasting spits and sleighbells!
When we look back a hundred
years or so, we see only the pretti-
ness. The jovial host, the trimming
tankards, the exquisite girl in her
Colonial ruffles under the mistletoe
that is hung over the door, and her
frilled and buckled cavalier sweeping
the ground with his plume, as he
bends above her little hand.
LOSE GOOD AND BAD.
All vanished, we complain
dignity, romance, beauty and leis-
ure! We have little home life TO-
day, little dignity, no leisure, al
most no beauty. What has become
of the happy family chatter under
the evening lamp. the long tramps
with Dad, the kitchen revels with
Mother?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
ANTHOLOGY OF A FOOTBALL
GAME.

ANTHOLOGY OF A FOOTBALL
GAME.
The eoof who took ths eaptainp
sweetheart and feels about a. e.
sential as a colored waiter at a Ku
Klux Konvention-the rough-neck
who smokes stogies IN the grand
stand-the enthusiast who smashes
all the hats In front Of him every
time the team makes q play-the
drunk who cheers every play--two
minutes after-the bleachers coach
who gives free advice to all the
players-the unfortunate gent who
got into the opposing cheering sec
ton by mistake whose restraint In
cheering Is ezemplary-the expert
who has It all doped out-the sweet
young thing who regards the game
as prelude to q tea dance-the
old timer who deplores the effemin-
acy Of the modern Eame-the prep
school delegation hoping 10 be mis-
taken for freshmen-the misan-
thrope who invited two girls to. the
game-the gratuitous guide who ex-
plains to everyone around him just
what plays should have been used
the critic with the thirteen and
half collar who bawls out the play
ers-the amateur bookie-the fresh
man who brought his family from
East Dunkville feeling awkward in
his KolleEe Kut Klothes--the teams
who didn't notice them. Goblin.
He (coaxing) If I kiss you this
once no one will b q bit the
wiser.
She; On yes, there will.
He; But who?
She: You, next time.
Brown jug.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
eve All Regret Today's Excuses, But
Under the Froth What a Happy
Nation We Are!

Windows and doors and floors
and bread and butteri" says some
woman, reading this; "welL what
house HASN'T?n
To which I say, "None, In Amer
lea. But go to Southern Europe,
my dear woman. Travel as / did,
for weeks and weeks through the
villages of what was the richest
country in the world until WE
were. And COUNT the windows
and doors and bathrooms-count the
homes where bread and butter Is
taken for granted! You won't need
both hands to check them on.
"And then come back home, and
GIVE THANKS"
DEMOCRATIC AMERICA.
1t always amuses me to think
that when the aforementioned mil
lionaire looks up the summons,
Luncheon is announced. sir" be
drops to the floor the same identical
comic strip Of the same identical
Sunday newspaper that his old gar
dener's wife is reading at that same
minute and that-if his luncheon
is chicken, and it usually IS chick
en- lit is extremely probable that
when the gardeners wife serves
HER dinner, if it is chicken-and it
usually is chicken, too-it is the
stableman who gets the better meal.
EVERYONE CAN BE.
Because when you dine at a mil
lionaire's table you are a mile from
the kitchen, and the chances that
the cook loves you are slim. But
when a gardeners wife reaches be-
hind her. without leaving the table,
for a frying pan in which is sizzling
fried chicken and cream gravy and
a little Of this and a little Of that,
with buttery toast sticking out here,
a couple of mushrooms dimly dis
cernible there-you get FOOD;
food with the cooks love Of her
guests cooked into it.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
AN ALARMING IDEA.

nav thAhAs'AAAN0 ADGshs
Aunt Hilda, after a brief survey
of the college comic, looked up at
her nephew with Mortified express
sion of wonder.
"Aren't you afraid" she asked,
that young ladies will read these pa
pers?"
Dartmouth Jack O. Lentcrn.
Only the brave fare well at
church picnic.
Colgate Banter.
Fussy Customer: Now I don't
want my hair Topped off-just the
merest trifle.
Barber: ! understand, sir-just a
noise with the scissors.
columbia Jester.
They were all set for the theater
when she suddenly exclaimed:
"I've forgot something. But
can't think what it is"
Powder"
"No..
Handkerchief
"No. Let me think (denot-
ing thought) Oh, remember,
! was to tell you I couldn't go to-
night"
Dartmouth Jack o'Lantern.
We earnestly hope that the sad
school Ct experience will have no
reunions. (
Annapolis Log.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

ADVENTURE.

ADVENTURE.
She TOOK me in the bedroom
And laid me on the bed,
"Just a wee bit tight"
Was all her mother said.
And now I'm at the party
Holding her still tight,
Cause I'm the pretty formal
She tried on last night.
MINI. Ski-U.Mah.
The absent-minded professor was
coming out of the theatcr. passing
the box office he noticed it was
closed. well, this is unfortunate
all sold OUT
Dartmouth Jack O. Lantern.
Babe: Darling, your roommate
has just been run over by truck.
Ruth: Shoot it! She had on the
blue dress ! was going to wear to
prom.
-vassar vasabond.
"He left the dance at twelve 80 as
to get her home at one"
"How far away does she ive?7
1.-Two blocks over
"Ohw
Dartmouth Jack O. Lantern.
Queen: Charles, the baby has
the stomach ache.
King: Page the secretary Of the
interior.
Hamilton Royal Gaboon.
Lady to Rustic: Could borrow
your pen?
Rustic: Ask the pigs, ma'am.
Lady: But I want you to under
stand that I'm lady, sir.
Rustic: That's all right, ma'am,
they don't know the difference.
MINI. Ski-U Nah.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

LAST DATE WITH GERTIE.
More stern, tragic picture do you
know
Than that Of a young man pausing
near the ehow?-
Who. looking sadly at his date, all
mournful chants,
Gertrude, I left the tickets In my
other pants"
Illinois Siren.
Man in speeding car: Nice fence
isn't it?
Driver: That amt fence. them's
telephone poles.
w. Va. Moonshins.
She: Sheep are certainly stupid
animals.
He: Yes, my lamb.
Dartmouth Jack o'Lantern.
The moth Is not a society favorite
even if it does frequently appear in
a dress suit.
Chicago Phoenix.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
THE TEASER.

THE TEASER.
You've met the type I had tonight
Drinks lot butts never tight,
Eats as il she's mostly starved
And wants her steak already
carved.
Don't even know why street cars
And thinks the cabs just run for
fun.
Always plans on going out,
In fact, there's never any doubt.
Where lights are bright an tips
are high
Is just the place she's sure to spy,
She never asks shall we 90 here,
But sweetly says, Lets hurry,
dear"
When home again must leave right
soon,
you can't come in, you silly LOOM
And as you leave you cuss your
luck
And dub yourself a simple duck.
(And hail a cab with your last
buck).
MINI. Ski U-Mah.
my ancestors came over on the
Mayflower.
ITS lucky they did. The immi-
grafton laws are a little stricter
now."
West Point Pointer.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
AGAIN THE SCOTCH.

AuhiN lie SNOlNH.
He: Dear, 1 don't think I'll be
home for dinner tonight.
She: No? What will I do?
He: II ] change my mind I'll
call you on the phone at six. but
don't answer, then I'll get my
nickel back.
Cornell widow.
RECONSIDERATION CHART.
A boy born on Sunday will have
long. golden eurls. His parents will
wish him to study for the ministry,
but he will much prefer to be re-
membered as the man who played
quarterback on the varsity eleven
the year II never lost a game.
A born on Monday Is likely to Be
his erandmother's favorite, although
he will not be thought too much Of
by the neighbcrs who know him
best.
A born born on Tuesday will
probably be right-handed and kind
to his parents Just before Christ
mas; until old enough to be Of some
use. he will insist upon getting up at
a distressingly early hour. But aft
er he is able to do chores he will not
find 1t hard to remain in bed.
A boy born on Wednesday will be
an intellectual wonder, but he will
be able to conceal the fact from the
members Of the family until he
grows up, when he will begin to
doubt 1t himself.
A boy born on Thursday stands a
good chance Of becoming the Presi-
dent Of the United States, but early
training may save him from this
dangerous tendency. He is likely TO
be named Reginald or Percival. but
his boy friends will call him
Squash" or Buster or "Pie-
Face" for short.
A boy born on Friday will never
have to work for his living-if he
has his way about it. He will be
kind to his little sister only when
she has a nickel to spend.
A boy born on Saturday will
much prefer to 90 to the circus than
to NOV the yard on hot afternoons.
He will resemble his father in many
ways. but his mother will do all she
can to make a man of him.
Colorado Dodo.
A wealthy young lady named
Fleau
Had a poor but good looking beau.
Said Fleau to her beau:
will you geau to a sheau?-
Said the beau, IF you'll bleau III
geau Fleau.'
Rutgers Chanticleer.
Please, could you change this here
stamp? Tain't no manner o use to
no one. Fathers licked it, mothers
licked it, aunt's licked it, we've all
licked it, and I won't stay on no.
how"
Columbia Jester.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

mine lost all seven children and
her husband when the deadly
plague came to New Orleans rs
years ago, and went about for the
-remainding 81 years Of her life
ringing strange doorbells and ask
ing II baby Dorry and little Sue
were there. Study the stones in
any old Colonial graveyard, II you
want an index to some Of the
tragedies Of those old, picturesque
days!
HONORS ARE PAST.
Children used to be sent to penal
colonies with their mothers only a
hundred years ago, little frightened
things clustered about moaning,
chained women in filthy steerages,
off for 40 hideous days of life on
sailing vessel. And they died like
flies, and were counted about as i'm
portant.
And these things are ended to-
day, and so-Father Of us alive
blind children look upward through
the mists about US, and humbly give
thanks!
We ALL regret today's excuses;
jazz, immoralities, extravaganza in
everything and anything that we do.
We regret the open violation Of the
law, the multiplying divorces, the
fashion that DEGREES that beauty is
a better thing than babies, and
popularity more to be valued than
honor.
But under ari this froth-this
scum that shows how rich is the
mixture that boils beneath-what a
happy nation we are! How we love
all that science has done to make us
comfortable, and all that democracy
has done to decree that rich and poor
share alike in the joys Of life.
WE'RE FORTUNATE.
Our multi-millionaire may have
more expensive cars, his ice-cream
may be served on a gold plate, he
may be shielded from the world by
a score of servants. But the nearest
little thirty-five-dollar flat in the
village outside his gate has hard
wood floors like his, and a gas stove
and a telephone like his, and radio
like his, and a bathtub and windows
and doors and bread and butter and
coffee just like his.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29

ASJ III tho Chitcu ctutcss
Michelangelo was not
the inventor OF gol 4 IT
knickers.
The best vegetable
soup is usually made
with vegetables.
1t Is two hundred and Y
twenty miles from Peru. 1
Ind. to a point two
hundred and twenty Ill \
miles away from Peru, Ill n
In.
Saint Peter never mas H
tered the art Of shaving III
himself with a safety Ill
razor.
1t has been estimated I'LL
that 9721 toothpicks are
lost every year.
A man diving from
the Rock Of Gibraltar
will drown If he Is IN lin
able to swim. IN
To be a good house
wife it is necessary to ~
be a woman.
The Spanish language ,
is spoken in Spain. -
Bald headed m N ~,
should not part their Who q,
hair in the middle. An
George Washington M.
did not enlist in the last xasted
var.
If a piece of burning wood ii
inches long be dropped into a f
pound box of dynamite, there will
an explosion.
Some of the most thrilling ms
zine fiction is found in the advert
ments.
Lafayette Lyrt
The girl who knows how to
her own sewing doesn't SOW m,
wild oats.
Lafayette Tyre
Marge: How can YOU tell a ?
lor snake?
Margie: His coat lapels W
out before the seat of his troust
Black and Blue Jay
How do you get so many girl
Slicker: Oh, I just sprinkle
little gasoline on my handkerch
Pennsylvania Punch Bowl
Crossword puzzle fiend): G
me the name of an automobile {
starts with at"
c. P. F.'s friend) Quitchakid
They all use gasoline.
Carolina Buccaneer
Philanthropic Stun Worker:
you follow the ten commandmer
my daughter?
Erring Young Female: Nav,
take orders from no one.
Black Blue Jay
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
Oo1e9eef1 lgg2l1G)r ! ! =
COMEDY IN AMERICA

An itching palm signifies that
you are about to receive something.
An itching head shows that you
already have something.
ALLEGHENY Alligator.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
INVALUABLE STATISTICS.

The best vegetable soup is usual
ly made with vegetables.
1t is still possible to secure whis-
kew in the ITnited States.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-29
PRETTY-BUT HARD.

I'm glad they DIDN'T have to
worry about the creams souring,
and the cake rising, and the oven
going cold. and the hot water Civ
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-05-12
r a G. | 8
w 9 III B Y
We ! RAN
First at Charlotte
SpecdWay-Hartz Sec
ond and Milton Third.
BIZ Times Special

Bu Times Special
CHARLOTTE, N. c., May r.
Earl Cooper won the 250.mile Speed
way race here Monday. the first
prize in which was $4,000. Cooper
went into the lead near the 200-mile
mark and maintained it until the
finish.
Harry Hartz finished second with
Tommy Milton, last years winner.
just behind. Milton led the race
for 200 miles only to relinquish first
place TO Cooper fifty miles from the
finish.
Cooper averaged nearly 125 miles
an hour I'VE the course. His Of
fetal time for the ESQ miles was
2 hours, 2 minutes and So seconds.
Fifty thousand persons witnessed
the race which was run on the re-
Gently built mile and a quarter pine
saucer.
The automobile driven by Reg
Johnson somersaulted early in the
race, but its driver was not serious
ly injured.
Hartz drew $4,000 as his share
Of the prizes and Milton got $3.50.
Prizes totalling SIS, 900 were dis
tributed among the seven drivers to
finish. There were thirteen entries
and six were eliminated.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-05-12

Mondays struggle was the opener
of the Tribe Brewer series and the
.Bushmen made a sorry showing.
They got men on the paths. but
couldn't score them. Same old all.
ment, Ten Hoosiers left stranded
Monday.
At the way things are going the
Indians surely are going to lead the
league in one respect-that Of having
the most men left on bases.
There's Difference
Carmen Hill was bombarded to all
corners while Herman Bell kept
eleven Tribe hits fairly well scat
tered. Here's the difference: The
Brewers got thirteen hits and ten
runs; the Indians got eleven hits
and only three runs.
Luce Of the locals swatted two
home runs and Brief SEN one out
Of the park that probably went all
the way across town. one of Luce's
homers was a ground drive that
Allen misjudged in center.
AN~ AAAOA 1Ao BA1J ms ltNS a
handicap at that, with Sticking.
Clarke and Schemanske on the hos
pital list. Sicking's absence ap-
pears TO have thrown the infeld u
Of gear. and his timely hitting is
missed.
Even With Saints
The Indians have slipped down
in the race into a tie with the
Saints for third place. Games will
be played here today, Wednesday
and Thursday. Friday is an off-day
the schedule and on Saturday the
Tribesmen will loaf" because of
the Kentucky Derby.
A double header will be played in
Louisville next Sunday. Some Of
the boys will take in the Derby and
others will spend Friday and Satur-
day in indianapolis.
The Brewers started slambanging
in the first inning Monday and
scored four runs in a hurry. Luce
put one over the fence for the chief
sock OF the opening stanza. The
locals continued to pepper Hill
throughout, and the Tribe also
peppered Bell, but Mr., Bell tighened
in the pinches. Hill did not.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-05-12
A. B. C.S LOSE
Birmingham Beats Locals in
Ten Innings.

The Black Barons Of Birmingham
rallied in the ninth inning at Wash
ington Park Monday. tied the score.
and then won out in the tenth. de-
feating the A. b. c. colored league
team, 7 10 6. The visitors scored
two markers in the ninth and one
in the tenth.
The As were leading, s 10 4, up
to the ninth. and they got one tally
in their half Of that session. Sut.
ties. first sacker of Birmingham, got
a triple and home run.
The same clubs were to play to-
day and the series will be brought
TO a close Wednesday.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-05-12
DEFEAT IOWA
|. u. BasebaIIers Win Behind
Great Pitching.

BIZ Times SDccicl
IOWA CITY, Ia. May 12.-WoOd-
ward, Indiana University pitcher,
hurled a remarkable brand of ball
here Monday against Iowa and the
visitors defeated the Hawkeyes, . to
l in a Big Ten game. The 1. L.
veteran allowed only one hit, a
double that permitted a run, aided
by an error.
The winners counted two run in
eighth. An error in right field
helped the Crimson to victory. Each
club made one error and each mis-
play figured in the scoring. 1. L.
made eight hits off Marshall.