davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

trict of Columbia, he quickly solved the riddle
of the far East. And no sooner home than he
went to Swampscott to put the President wise.
We have given the Filipinos altogether
too much liberty he told President Coolidge.
It's high time, he said, that we read the riot act
to them. They're not fit to govern themselves
and we should take back many of the privileges
we have already granted Then we should make
Gen. Leonard Wood the real boss out there and
so put an end to nonsense
Now the President knows what to do.
Follow the Underhill tip and our troubles will
all be over-7,O00 miles cover the Pacific,
where we would have frst-class insurrection
on our hands.
Mr.. Underhill forgets that Congress, of
which he is member, has put itself officially
on record with the premise to set the Filipinos
free. Equally public and official is the promise
to let them govern themselves meanwhile, IN.
der American governor general
If we turn back the clock now and violate
that pledge, not only will 100000 people rise
in arms against it, but the whole world will
be on their side just as it was on the side of
Cuba when Butcher Weyler was doing his
dirty work down there for Spain.
Whether the Filipinos are capable of self
government depends upon the point of view
Mr. Underhill himself will probably admit
there ism country on earth SO we'll gov
erned as America. Then why insist on Amer
lean standards for the Filipinosq
1t may very well be that they will never
reach that standard. It would be difficult in
deed for them to produce scandal as big as
Teapot Dome or make such q consummate
izzle Of law enforcement as we are making of
prohibition. Manila will never see the day
when her streets are as safe for murderers,
thugs and outlaws as are those of Chicago,
New York and our other large cities and it
is unreasonable to expect the Filipinos to
equal our nationwide crime wave or our
small number Of convictions.
Aside from such things as these the Fill
pinos are doing pretty we'll and have been
for the. past ten years.
Our statesmen great travellers now
adays. It's getting to be habit Whenever
and wherever things get too complex for the
natives to settle, our congressional trouble
shooters hop to it-across the Atlantic or the
Pacific, it makes little difference 10!
They bring the answer straight back to the
President
Folks say President Coolidge lacks a,sense
of humor Thank goodness for that Other
wise he would laugh himself to death.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
CHAPTER 7
The First UndeTfa kers

m HE undertaken is natures
first historian. His is the
IL oldest profession. But, UNI
fortunately. he was not with us
when life originated. or we could tell
more about 1t. He developed when
deaths became more plentiful, and
when traffic became more congested
so that his ambulances could get
a greater thrill speeding through it.
1t is from the undertaking exhib-
les Of the past that we gather most
of the information that the funda-
mentalists don't want us to teach.
These exhibits are spoken Of as "fos-
sils," which is a scientific term for
what undertakers refer to as ere
mains" and a popular term for some
of our legislators, chaperones and
leading citizens.
Speaking in the strict scientific
sense, however, the first fossils we're
very unimpressive. And this is in
spite of the fact that life had al.
ready existed some millions Of years
previously. You will note that 1 al
ways refer to "some millions Of
years" which allows a reasonable
lapse of time and is no more ex-
pensive; than leaving off some Of the
ciphers. g.. ....... ....
From our one-celled original an
cestors, there had developed quite a
quantity Of beings-worms and
plant-like animals and moss.like
bugs and similar things.
But to get back to the undertake
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
"A Man Energies

II VERY great crisis in world history has
L. produced man to meet it.
The War Of the observation-disclosures was
Washington.
The war Of the Secession-there was Lin
coin.
And now, in what seems to be the greatest
crisis Of all, there energies a MANI 1t ism It
Wayne B. Wheeler. 1t isn't Gen. Lincoln G.
Andrews. You are crying 'Who9 Whoq'
You shall know, but it requires another para
graph.
Fred Bing
Representative Fred Bing of the Ohio
Legislature. That's him!
my measure" says Hon Bing, lis to
abolish hip pockets in all men s SUITS Liquor
is the cause Of all immortality, and when hip
pockets are abolished there is not much chance
for men to carry TASKS"
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
ENF0RCEM EMIT OF
OF PROHIBITION

Evil LILLIAN H. REMY. Marion
WI County prosecutor. hopes
" with the aid Of his four
new deputies, appointed to
prosecute liquor violations, to
make Indianapolis the Great
American Desert. They will try
to chase every Illicit swallow from
the county line to the county Jail.
Perhaps the. intensive campaign
planned will effectually dry-up the
county-every good citizen who
does not possess an imperative
thirst hopes so. Perhaps, as is
frequently the case, the liquor
drive will merely run around in
circles and bark furiously.
Enforcement Of prohibition is
taking more extensive effort and
elaborate machinery than all our
other criminal statutes combined.
The same effort put into the sup
preston of murder, banditry and
bigamy would reduce those hoary,
old crimes almost to extinction.
But the Demon Rum has more
lives than a cat and survives drive
after drive.
A considerable percentage Of the
people do not consider violation of
the prohibition law as a sin. And
many officers sworn to law en-.
forcement show even less respect
for the statute.
Early this week a member of the
State police force was arrested on
charges of accepting a bride OF
800 from a rum runner. The fol-
lowing day the Indianapolis board
Of safety took up the case OF a
local policeman charged with
drunkenness. The same day a raid
on the home Of a former city
policeman yielded several gallons
Of liquor.
Such incidents are common
throughout the country.
Until public opinion and officers
are as dry inside as outside, in
private as in public, prohibition
enforcement will move erraically
despite it's elaborate machinery.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
Does Travel Broaden?
ri OURISTS may be divided into three

i"OURISTS may be divided into three
- classes.
l. Those who think everything abroad
superior to anything at home.
2. Those who think everything at home
superior to anything abroad.
3. Those with open minds and the men
tality to recognize the truth when they see it..
We are strong for travel, especially travel
for statesmen. Generally speaking, it should
be qualification sine qua non for holding
Office.
But, unfortunately, our statesmen are hui
man and, like nine out of ten other travellers,
they mostly belong to classes one and two.
Now there's Representative Charles L..
Underhill of Somerville, Mass, just back from
a brief stay in the Philippines.
Being member of the. House committees
on accounts, claims, food control and the Dis
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
The Outline of Evolution

ers. The first citizens Of our Justly
famous globe were extremely lack
ing in backbones. skulls and other
enduring features. and hence they
left no remains that the undertakers
could preserve beyond a few fleet
ing days.
Came a time. however, when
stronger bodies left better corpses
and deep I'm the rocks Of the
Palaeozoic drift we have discovered
these first examples Of the undertake
er's art. regret having TO work In
the word "Palaeozoic" on you, but
this being a scientific treatise the
offense is unavoidable.
The Palaeozoic Age was several
million years ago preceding the
time when the first plans were made
to build a coliseum in Indianapolis
CTomorrow-Birmingham's First
Funerals)
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
By David Dietz



ri HE discovery of insulin, which
brought DR.. Banting and his
0 three colleagues at the Uni
versity of Toronto the Nobel prize,
did not only mean that a cure for
diabetes had been found.
Subsequent developments have
proved that IL gave the medical man
new method of attacking disease
and the scientists a new insight into
the workings of the human mech
anism.
Insulin Is an extract made from
parts Of the pancreas of animals.
Diabetes. 1t has been shown, is
caused by degeneration Of the human
pancreas, so that it no longer pours
a certain secretion or harmone into
the blood. Lack of his harmone
makes 1t impossible for the human
system to assimilate sugar.
Scientists seek to ascertain what
is the function of each gland in the
body. They seek also to isolate
these harmones and learn their ex-
act chemical nature.
The accomplishment of these de-
sires would mark one of the great
est advances in medical science in
history.
Another step has just been taken
in the right direction by one Of the
pioneers on the frontier of science.
DR.. John j. Abel Of Johns Hop.
kins University has succeeded in pu-
rifying and concentrating insulin so
that it is several times as effective
as the ordinary insulin product OBJ
tanned heretofore.
He announced at the same time
that he hopes soon to obtain abso.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
Selling indianapolis

T-lMERSON once said something to this eff
lEi fect: That if man made better mouse
trap than his neighbor, even though he lived IN
theiwilderness the world would make beaten
path to his door.
Emerson was right as far as he went but
he didn't go far enough. In the first place, the
maker of the superior mouse trap had to be
convinced in his own mind that his trap was
better than all others mani +actured. In the
second place, he had to let the world know
that he was making better mouse trap than
his neighbor
With this combinations superior prod
uct, confidence, and advertising, the maker OF
the mouse trap could not only assure beaten
path, but in all probability he would cause
concrete road to be built to his door.
The same principle that applies to i y
mouse trap applies as well to a'great city In
dianapolis for instance.
The honestto- goodness truth of the mat
ter is that Indianapolis is superior in many
respects to other cities We citizens of Indian
apolis have made better city than have many
Of our neighbors.
We have the product What we lack is
confidence and advertising. We must first con-
vince ourselves that we have made a better
city than our neighbors have built. Then we
must proceed to tell the world,
We are not exactly in the wilderness, but
with the combination of superior product,
confidence and advertising we can make the
steel rails hum with business coming to our
door.
Is Let's stop complaining. If things in Indi-
annapolis don't suit us, let's get busy and make
them right. Nobody else can or will do it for
us.
4 If we don't like our form of city govern
ment, let's get new one. Hundreds of other
cities have done it, If we want more indus
tries, let's go after them. Other cities with
fewer advantages than those possessed by In
dianapolis have turned the trick.
If we don't like the gas barrage being
thrown up from the Florida coast IT'S sell
our own people on the advantages of Indian
apo1is. The advantages are here.
Remember, you can EARN living in In
dianapolis 1t is a:city of PRODUCERS. Life
is. not gamble here. You don't have to de-
pend on the vagaries of real estate speculation
for your living.
: Let's sell ourselves on the advantages Of
Indianapolis. We can do it honestly because
the advantages here.
f Then let's sell indianapolis to the world
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
RIGHT HERE
IN INDIANA
BY GAYLORD NELSON.

increasing traffic congestion in the
downtown section. City officials
dangerously and heroically overtax
their brains trying to devise sys-
TENS to expedite the movement OF
traffic in and out of the heart of
town.
Center parking in Kentucky
Ave. doesn't help solve the prob
lem; it only aggravates 1t.
BY nature and design that street
should be one Of the most impor-
tant and heavily travelled thor
oughfares leading to the center Of
town. 1t is the direct route for
all traffic from the extensive
southwest section and beyond.
With the opening of the White
River bridge a few months hence
its Importance will increase.
Yet instead of being a healthy
traffic artery this street, partic-
larly between Washington and
A'Ao4 y 4dAA0S AclS DCCOIIiO NdIlCOS6
vein where taxicabs, buses and
other motor debris stagnate in the
center of the roadway. Private
automobiles thread it at peril.
Center parking is no doubt
feasible system in towns with wide
streets and sluggish civic pulse.
But Indianapolis is not that sort
of town and center parking
within a block Of one Of the -busi-
est corners in Indiana is a NUS
ance.
1t is high time It was abolished
and Kentucky Ave. permitted to
become a decent thoroughfare, a
respectable member Of the family
instead Of a frowzy, unloved,
stepchild sort of street.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

aside land for tree growing on a
commercial scale.
' Fitchburg, Mass, which estab-
lished town forest in 1914-the
first in the country-has already
marketed almost enough timber
from it's tract to pay the main
tenance cost.
Undoubtedly intelligent refores-
tation offers great possibilities to
municipalities and States, particu-
larly in the Middle West, where
numbering was once an important
industry. Indiana has made a
feeble start on forestry policy.
Michigan is undertaking reforesta-
ton on a large scale-one OF the
tracts it has set aside for tree
growing comprises $4,000 acres.
Perhaps some time a municipal
forest will be a feasible idea in
Indianapolis. But just now we
have more pressing civic needs.
We do not at present need to es-
tablish a local Sherwood forest
to conserve our Robin Hoods and
other wild life.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
SOLDIERS OF
FORTUNE

WO indianapolis men, Don
aid McGibeny and DR.. v.
~ Sparks. are among the
dozen American aviators recently
sent to Morocco for service as
volunteers in the French abr force
in the war with the Riffians. An
other contingent of fifteen Amer
lean volunteers is expected to leave
Paris in few days.
These Americans are not risk
ing their lives in defense Of any
great principle, or to advance
civilization. The outcome of the
colonial war France is waging
against the wild Moroccan tribes
men is of no immediate concern to
them. They are only soldiers Of
fortune.
For franc q day and the pros
pect of martial glory they gamble
with eternity over the sun-baked
hills of Northern Africa. Who says
the spirit Of adventure is dead?
Seventy years ago William
Walker, a native Of Tennessee.
entered Nicaragua. a soldier of
fortune in a comic opera Central
American revolution. He rose to
be dictator, but his dream Of en-
pire quickly faded.
He was the first one of the
great America soldiers of fortune.
whose exploits fired popular i'm
agination.
Since then, wherever wars, big
or little. have broken out in the
world. adventurous American have
gone to fight and die in other
peoples quarrels. We are
pacific nation. But our youths are
more thrilled by reading Richard
Harding Davis Soldiers Of For
tune" than Bryan's Prince Of
Peace" War still seems romantic
business.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
Brand New
BY Hal Cochran

For goodness sake, kidlets, sit
still for a while, and keep your feet
off Of the seat. Just try and re-
member you're ridin' in style, and
you're lucky to have such a treat.
Quit rubin your hands all
around on the glass, an PLEASE
leave those curtains alone. Now.
hush up there, Marion; none of your
sass. And, Tom. you can just change
your tone.
'Say, Nom, where's the dust
cloth? The thing was brand new.
had it minute ago. You surely
remember. gave it to you. Where
is It? Does anyone know?
Let's see, now, you throw in
your clutch. so I've heard. and then
give the engine some gas. You slip
into first, then to second and third.
WE'RE GOIN'i Say, isn't this
class?"
Aw, surely, you've guessed 1t. The
story is old, and its happened to you.
like as not. Through dads con-
versation how plainly it's told, it's
a brand new machine that he's got.
Copyright, 1925, NEA Service, Inc)
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
SCIENCE rs ON TRACK OF
NEW WAY TO CURE DISEASE

/ lutely pure insulin and to learn its
chemical compound.
He believes that it is a sulphur
compound.
His next hope is that once the
nature of insulin is learned, it may
be possible to manufacture it by
ordinary chemical means.
This would greatly simplify the
process and greatly reduce the cost
of insulin.
III GORGE EASTMAN, who re-
Gently retired from the presi-
IL dency Of the Eastman Kodak
Co., has announced his intention of
turning naturalist and explorer after
the precedent set by Theodore Roose-
welt.
He is planning to go to Africa to
collect museum specimens Of big
game. birds and plants.
Carl Akeleg. famous big game
hunter and explorer, will be a mem
Der of the party
I~ ERMANH, IL appears, Is max
ing plans to get into the air
III race for the north pole.
Amundsen tried and fell short of
the pole, under the Norwegian flag.
Macmillan, flying the American flag,
Is now in the Arctic. He seek un.
known lands near the pole rather
than the pole itself. In England.
Algarsson plans to seek the pole by
dirigible.
Now word comes from Germany
that an International Arctic Re
search and Exploration Society has
been formed with plans to raise
81, 100000 to build a Zeppelin at the
famed Friedrichshafen works for a
polar expedition.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
PARKING IN
KENTUCKY AVE.

@7H HE city council, at its last
meeting, passed an ordi-
IL nance abolishing center
parking in Kentucky Ave-, be-
tween Washington and Georgia
SITS. Hereafter vehicles slumber-
ing in that street must snuggle up
to the curb as in other respect
able thoroughfares.
y Indianapolis is struggling with
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

ANtOeA1 AoAOAA VI
nlirage-that of
acquiring the
Fletcher estate
for a city park.
The town for
est idea has
spread rapidly
in g a 5 t g r n
States In re-
cent years. 1t
Is an important
part Of the re-
forestation pro-
gram that Is
now attracting
attention in
many States.
In Massachu-
sets forty-two
fOuyn1 howe cot
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
A Thought

A thousand years in thy sight
are but as yesterday when II is past,
and as a watch in the night
Psalms 90:4. ' -t
o timel Timel How II brings
forth and devours! And the roaring
flood Of existence rushes on forever,
forever changing.-Carlyle.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06


And the hens working so hard in
the hot sun.
But the world could be worse.
much worse wouldn't II be terrible
IL you had to chew watermelon?
We know n girl who IL 10 old
fashioned she still enjoys working
crossword puzzles. A
Don't believe everything. A sales
man claims he heard a Pullman con-
versation that wasn't about liquor.
Strange news from Paris. Man
really laughed himself 20 death,
Maybe he saw an American tourist.
Copyright, 1925 NEA Service, Incl
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
FARMERS UTILIZE MARI
KosciuskO Residents Show Demand
for Fertilizer.

BIZ United Press
MILFORD, Ind, Aug. 6.-value
of mari as a fertilizer and builder Of
deprecated soils in north central In
diana is weekly becoming more ap-
parent. according to Tom Parker,
agricultural agent for Kosicusko
County.
He estimates $4,000 cubic yards
have been taken from six pits dur
ing 1924, and hauled to farms. 1t
is sold to land ownerS at the pits at
SIS cents a cubic yard.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

Where are the federal prie-
ons and penitentiaries located?
Federal Penitiaries are located
at Atlanta, Georgia; Leavenworth,
Kansas; and McNeiPs Island, Wash
ington. There are Naval Prisons at
Mare Island, California; Boston.
Massa chusetts; and Portsmouth,
Ne-v Hampshire.
Does the term uncut" used
BY publishers and booksellers in
reference to the leaves of a book
mean that the leaves are united
at the edges?
A. When the leaves are united at
the edges owing to the folding of
the sheets of paper on which the
book Is printed, it is said to be I'M
opened; but when a book is uncut
the leaves vary slightly in width, so
that their edges do not form a con-
tinuous line, and this is because the
books were not put in a cutting
machine.
Is it true that we are taller
in the morning than we are in the
evening?
Yes. The discs of cartilage be-
',=~-n the.-vertebrae- of tho backbone
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

And tho women
are painting their
knees. 10 is sensi.
BILE. Mosquitoes
win get painters
cramps.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
A CITY
FOREST

~7HARLES LATHROP PACK,
IL i president of the American
81 Tree Association and one
Of the country's most ardent adj
vocates of reforestation, has writ
ten Mayor Shank urging that In
dianapolis establish a city forest.
The letter was prompted by the
publicity given hizzoner's recent
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06
Tom Sims Says


A dog catcher leads a hard life.
Cats are his only friends.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

--@ Itrs--all right TO slap a. girl now
You can claim you are seeing II the
paint Is dry.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

Summer has it's advantages. A
flivver radiator seldom freezes tight
during August
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

Ais fair in love
and war. Women
used enough rouge
last year 20 paint
navy.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

yield considerably to the pressure
due to the weight of the body, when
1t is erect, and expand themselves
while the body is in a recumbent
position. This effect may, amount to
as much as half an inch in the case
of heavy man of, say TT. 10
inches in height.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

But warm weathers so hot 1t
makes you lazy. And lazy folks are
liable to forget and start thinking.
People work harder in winter.
Work takes mind off the few
troubles which work won't end.
Even gossips could be worse. They
would talk faster if their teeth were
rubber and bounced.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

Could helium be substituted for
ammonium in the manufacture Of
ice?
Since helium does not have the
same properties as ammonium gas
it could not we'll be substituted in
the manufacture of ice. Moreover,
hehum cannot at present be obtained
in quantities large enough to be
available for commercial use.
To what did the slogan used by
the Democratic party in. the CAM
paign Of 1874 "F'ifty-Four Forty
or Fight" refer?
This referred to the claims of
England to a portion of the Oregon
country. Those using this slogan
demanded the whole Of the district
as far north as "a degrees 40
minutes, the southern boundary of
Alaska.
Answer to M. W., City: Write
Charles A. Rockwell, secretary State
industrial board, 432 Statehouse.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

People are funnN
folks. Everybody
looks down on
somebody.
The Indianapolis times. [volume] (Indianapolis [Ind.]) 1922-1965, 1925-08-06

Bad Alabama
news today. Car