San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-27
E@aaM
World Right-handed.
Southpaw Pugs Idle.
Considered Queer"
Hard to Figure.
They're Let Alone.
BY Damon Runyon---
Copyright, 1925. international Feature
Service. Inc.)

Copyright, 1925, International Feature
Service. Inc)
THE world is against us south
paws, or left-handers. L can
prove gross discrimination that would
justify proceedings under the Sher'
man law, or the Volstead act, or even
some city ordinance if / could find a
city where southpaw gets an even
break.
You take the matter of golf courses.
/ have investigated this thoroughly,
and j find that all golf courses are
coldly designed with special reference
to right handlers, and to thwart south
paw golfers / am convinced that this
is due to the Vaccinations of the right
handlers who realize that southpaws
are their mental superiors and fear
golf, if given half chance.
Therefore the right handlers resort
to physical subterfuges in the way OF
golf course construction that puts the
southpaw at n distinct disadvantage
the moment he lifts his driver, or
brassie. / am unable to find single
100 per cent southpaw course in the
United States of America, and if this
is not discrimination what shorter and
uglier word have you!
VOU hear southpaw pitchers re-
i ferred to as eccentric whenever
one of them happens to have a fond
ness for eating animal crackers in bed,
or for some other harmless little
idosyncrasy that would not be no
ticed in right handler.
The southpaw pitcher is slightingly
referred to as CROOKED ARM" or a
"cock-eye." He is made TO feel that
he is somehow peculiar and apart from
normal human beSlgs. L resent this.
1 believe that southpaw, whether a
baseball pitcher or not, is entitled to
the same rights under the Constitution
Of the United States Of America as are
guaranteed a right handler.
do not state this as legal fact.
however, as / have not had time to
look up the Constitution. 1 have re-
ferred the matter to my attorney,
Judge Monroe Goldstein, for investi-
cation, and will publish his opinion
later.
COFFEE cups are manufactured
~ with the handles on the right
side for the convenience of right
handlers, and without reference to the
comfort Of southpaws.
Table knives are alp right handed,
although Of course after i left my old
home town l discovered that some
thoughtful genius had invented the
fork for the alienation of the south
paw in eating. You see about you
wcrld that was designed mainly for
the benefit of right handlers, and the
Injustice of it weighs upon my soul.
Even in the Manly Art Of Scramb-
ling Ears you find the southpaw is
the victim of discrimination. Here is
Mr.. Edward Kealey, Of Bridgeport,
Conn, for instance one of the few
southpaw heavyweights known TO
science, and no one will fight him.
Mr.. Edward Kealey called on me
recently in my office, and after
brief talk with him / realized more
than ever the concerted movement
against southpaws. / speak here, not
only in behalf of Mr.. Edward Kealey,
but in behalf of southpawism in gen.
cral.
\ HAVE seen Mr.. Edward Kealey
4 in combat. He has inveigled
about 80 opponents into the ring with
him since he began his boxing career,
most Of them thinking he was right
handler. Nearly all of them had cause
to deeply regret their error.
lie is a mighty good fighter. this
Mr.. Edward Kealey, so good that i
know of but few heavyweights who
can lick him. he stands six feet,
one inch tall. and weighs 205 pounds.
He is a nice locking big fellow, and
you can see the County Kavin on his
pan.
That is where he was born. His
patents brought him over here from
ireland when he was quite young,
and. he eventually became an iron
worker up around Bridgeport. He
was contemperaneous, pugilistically,
with Ovila Chapdelainc, otherwise
Jack Delaney, who calls Bridgeport
home.
Mcaley is now % years old, and
anxious to fight lie would like to
fight Harry Wills, George Godfrey,
Jack Renault, King Solomon, Jimmy
Maloney, Gene Tunney, or any Other
heavyweights in the land. and 1t j.
my impression that kealey can lick
at least n couple of those named.
DUT these gentlemen are right
ID handlers. and they want no part
Of Mr.. Kealey because he is south
paw. They consider him unorthodox,
or worse.
You know when left handler
squares off ut you, he is apt TO let
that left hand fly Mt your stomach
from n strange angle, proceeding
which is very offensive TO right
handlers.
The Bridgeporier has fought AMI
beaten Joe Stoessel, Gordon Munce.
Mike Conroy, Dan Bright and Al
Rood, among others. He. has been
boxing about three years. but it takes
quite II little maneuvering TO get any.
one in the ring with him.
| must say for Mr.. Edward Kealey
that he is one OF the very few white
heavyweights ! have ever heard ex-
press n willingness TO fight George
Godfrey. They are all willing to
fight Harry Wills, because they know
they cannot get match with Harry
Wills. But none of them care 10 As.