davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

succession OF minor fractures, pos
sibly internal, which at first excite no
alarm. A vague sense of uneasiness
is presently felt, which often leads
the patient 10 seek relief in the
string habit--a habit which, If IN
duly INDUCED in, may assume. the
proportions of ruling passion.
The use of sealing wax, while ad-
mirable as temporary remedy for
Explosio, should never be allowed to
gain permanent hold upon the sys-
tenn. There is no doubt that a per-
sistent indulgence in the string habit
or the constant use Of seaHngwax
will result in
IL Fracture Suspendorum. or Snap
ping of the Galluses, which amounts
TO a general collapse of the system.
The patient is usually seized with a
severe attack of Explosio, followed by
sudden sinking feeling and sense
of loss. A sound constitution may
rally from the shock. but a system
undermined by the string habit in
variably succumbs.
Ill Sectura Pantsluuae, or Ripping
of the Trousers, is generally caused
by sitting upon warm beeswax or
leaning against a hook. In the case
of the very young IL is not unfre-
tquently accompanied by a distressing
suppuration of the shirt This, how
ever, is not remarked In adults. The
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25
Fishing for Crocodiles in Borneo

used. The more. overpowering the
stencil the better-the crocodile will
eat only putrefying flesh. The bait
is securely dashed to the pointed bar
and one of the ends of the bar is
tied with a few turns of cotton thread
to the bark rope. bringing bar and
rope into the same straight line.
Next the bait is suspended from the
bough of tree overhanging the
river. The rattan line is left lying
on the ground, one end of it firmly
fixed in the soil.
Attracted either by smell or sight,
crocodile raises himself from the
water and snaps at the bundle, the
slack line making no resistance till
the bait is swallowed, and the animal
begins to swim off. Then the planted
end OF the lines holds till the thread
binding the pointed stick to the bar
rope snaps. The stick at once returns
TO its natural position at right angles
to the rope and becomes damned
across the crocodile's stomach, the
two points fixing themselves In the
flesh.
irm pull will soon bring the
crocodile to the surface and so on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

could tell It in minute looked at
her.
.Eddies wife had been married to
him quite SONS yrs. and ! suppose
he was used to her. but that didn't
help me none. She give us the kind
Of welcome he had told her to, and
then we all sat down in their par
lor which was outsized so far as I
and Geo. was concerned, and / will
say, for all II was expensive, they
didn't have a particle OF taste, except
maybe in their mouth.
Well anyways, Annie says you
have known Ed a long time / be-
lieve, with a air about her of well l
always knew he must of had some
ordinary people in his past. And
then she merely sat.
Then Eddie says he was wild to
have his boy meet our boy, so they
hauled out the kid, and in two min
utes he and Junior was wild, all right.
They got along like a coupIa dear
little wildcats, or SO / judged from
the sounds upstairs where they had
gone to play, SOS us old chums could
talk over old times more freely.
Eddie commenced it. He says we'll
WELL do you ever see Ed Whoosis?
And Geo. says dear old Ed, no. do
you?
meaning to get in touch with him,
how about that fat feller-Tom7 or
maybe his name was Howard, no II
was Tom And Geo. says sure i re-
member him, ii was Tom, I remem-
Der him perfectly-a big fat felleri
Then we all laughed, on account we
absolutely had to do something.
Then L pulled a good one. How
about Elsie Jones? ! says, whatever
become of Elsie Jones? And of
course this was where Geo. had to
go and be fool and pull some crack
to the effect ha hal you ought to re-
member her Eddie!
And then Annie come to life and
says who was that woman? And !
says oh that was long before he ever
met you dear, l hear she's married
now. And then there was a pause
that might have been called a four
paws, as the French say. Then Geo.
cleared his throat and It was no
wonder he was obliged to in that at
mosphere.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

what would persons say II / come
up publickly s. dictate to a reporter
that / would rather be drowned In
grape Juice than dance with my tired
feet? Who would listen at me? Who
would give more care to that than
say with humoristick eye-wink.
"Hashimura Togo, Japanese, do not
care to dance."???
But now, Hon. Cal, I observe the
advantages attacked to being Pres.
OF the U. S. Formerly / used to think
that the Chief Axecutive of America
didn't get nothing but bruises for
payment of hard work. But now L
commence see what fine Job it are.
COSHES! I would give 1o00oO00o0o
~ votes, both sexes, IL 1 could stand
up in White House 3 minutes & say
to Associated Press the following
speech:
Il do not desire to dance. thank you.
1T gives me pains
Even TO look at II.
THE kind OF Noise the Okestra
make
Like jackesses trying to
'Swalls pineapples backwards
Drives me to dementia-
"Allso those molasses tunes
What they use to play
While waltzing with Germans,
Don't enjoy me amy,
When I require to clasp Ladies
IT prefer
'1onesomeness IL
Music don't help.
And it make me feel still Worse
ITO go dancing
at places where 1 must set SIN
all evening.
Like Last Winter when
III belonged to O Dance Club
"& wore out pairs OF evening
pants (borowed1
Just waiting, waiting, waiting.
"Goshes!
"How I hate to dance.
"& when Congress insist on q
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

T TNDER ordinary circumstances, the
Dyaks of Borneo. ask nothing
more of the crocodiles that infest
their rivers than to be left alone.
Nobody thinks of catching or dis
turbing any of the creatures until
one of them has begun to display
liking for human flesh. Then the
professional crocodile catcher Is
called in and crocodiles are caught
and killed until the discovery of some
of the brass arm ornaments, which
every Dyak wears, in the stomach of
one of the victims shows that the
maneater has at last been caught.
There Is employed a curious method
of catching the great reptiles. A
piece of hard wood 10 inches long and
an inch or so in diameter is sharpened
to a point at both ends. A length OF
plated baru bark some feet long is
tied to a shallow botch In the middle
of this piece of wood and a single
rattan 40 or so feet long is tied to
the end of the bark rope, forming a
long line.
The most Irresistible bait is the
carcass OF . monkey. although the
body OF a eoS or a snake is often
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25
Ring Ldrdner
RY RING IARDNER.

~ o the editor: For the benefit of
visiting f1remen / would bet
ter exclairn what this is all
about as near as / am able to
Judge from hear say and read
ing the newspapers.
Well It seems that big bunch of
the riff and raft has been horning their
way into ". Y. society the last yr.
or ana things has come TO such
pass that the elite was libel to find
themselfs time after time attending
parties which people that work for
living was also guests at same with
the result that the high mucky
lnucks would half to rush home early
and disinfect themselfs. Some hos
tesses has forgot their social stand
ing to such n extent that they have
in GUIDED Indiana and Wisconsin born
folks in their invitations. 1t has got
so that a person of breeding and re-
ffnement don't hardly dast go out of
the house for the fear of being spoke
TO in public by some scum that they
had met the night before by mistake
and II certainly is a terrible thing to
be grouped up at home without no.
body but your own wife or husband
TO talk to.
Well little vile ago, along some
time last summer a select group of
our best women including the queen
Rleagle of some exclusive organi
cation got together and decided it
that 1t was time for a gen. shake
I'D which they would get rid of the
Vermin once and for all and make So
ciety look something like II used to
40 yrs ago when the 400 come into
being At that time a prominent
butchers grand daughter in law or
something give a party and left the
inviting to q gentleman friend that
had the family history of everybody
IN america at both ends of his tongue.
He issued Just q even 400 invitations
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

/ tell you what let you & me do.
Hon. Cal. Lets keep our minds Off
that Disarmint Cunfrance for a while
till somebody gets in war, then we
will know more about it anyhow. In
meanwhiles, what say we shall start
a Movement!!2a You can represent
the High End OF the Movement & 1
will represent the Low End.
What shall we move.
1 tell you. Let US take a National
Senseless of Opinion on Dancing. All
who like it say Eye! All who don't
say Boo. Maybe we better start with
the Senators several of which, / are
willing to bet my Footwear, do not
love dance. For instancely, take yr
ernest friend e. vote-getter, Senator
Rob. M. LaFolette. could not
dance awfully good. Hon. HI. John
son, father OF Japanese Art in Amer
lea. could not pussibly waits or wolf
trot because his great brain must
hold down his feet. & how would
Senator Moses look on q roof garden
where the Male Rates are so high
alredy that gentlemen must pay 92S
to get In with food bottled. i are
informed that Senator Borah use TO
dance slightly, but since he have
sweet disposition and easily lead, we
shall get him on our program also.
Now with those big strong names
on program & yours e. mine TO make
It sound natural. we could swept the
Country with organization called
the No Dancing Thank You Club.
Prominent persons would come en-
rushing to our ranks. We would get
nearly all the fat men in America.
Fat ladies also. Then we could drag
together all persons who just adore
to set down.
Il u Il
.MR. PRES. do you realize that
has been did while roosting on a chair?
Although l was not there, / bet Moses
fnok his 80 commandments settinp
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

Hon. Thos. Jefferson would never
have think up the Defamation OF
Independence II people make him
walts all time. When you get your
self Inoggurated, Mr.. Pres, they will
make you stand up. But don't you
keep away from yr Chair amy longer
than the Supreme Court demand It,
because you will do the best thinking
for the L. s. in Sitentary position.
For your benefit because you have
so much office work to do you might
forgeO l wish give you some val.
stattisticks what could be used In
first meeting of our great National
Setting Society.
If 1877 Of the Feet power now I'M
ployed every night In u. S. was trans
ferred into Brain Power following
publick blessings could take place in
two (2) weeks:
Universal Peace could be settled
without going to war.
France could think up plan to stop
Germany from manufacturing poison
Florida Water with atomizers for
Next War.
Incum taxes would be removed e.
the poor would get rich by It.
Science would invent PreWar Gin
that could be carried on the Hipp but
not on the Breath.
Somebody could tell us what the
b-53 Progrom means, II anything.
Those are but q few unbuttoned
Thoughts which could be fixed up by
your Mr.. Slemp In time to read ii
when next Congress collapses to-
gether. / would not like to have you
read IL at this Congress, because so
many Congressman have got a lame
ducking & such are not good time
to snuggest brite thought to people.
Please to- axept these humble
thoughts for their sterling worthless
ueSS.
Your footless supporter
Hashimura Togo.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25
lCopyright. 1921

patient is found to be in sadly
aberrated condition. A speedy i'm
provement may, however. be effected
by cheerful society, books flowers.
and, above all. by a complete change.
w. The overcoat Is attacked by no
serious disorders, except
Phosphorescentia, or Glistening, a
malady which indeed may often be
observed to affect the whole system
1t il caused by decay OF tissue from
old age and is generally aggravated
by repeated brushing.
A peculiar feature OF the complaint
is the lack OF veracity on the part of
the patient In reference to the cause
of his uneasiness. Another invariable
symptom liz his aversion to outdoor
exercise; under various pretexts,
which 1t Is the duty of his medical
adviser firmly to combat, he Will
avoid even a gentle walk in the
streets.
V. or the waistcoat science recog-
nizes but one disease
Soupilia, an affection caused by re-
peated splitting of soup. 1t is gener-
ally harmless, chiefly owing to the
mental indifference OF the patient. 1t
can be successfully treated by re-
peated lamentations of benzine.
VI Mortifcatio Tflis. or Greeness
of the Hat, is a disease often found
In connection with Phosphorescentia
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

| Twenty-Fifth Amendment l shall
snuggest as following:
mo DANCING ALLOWEDiv'
Now Mr.. Pres. some persons might
be so depraved q snake drained to
say that you are predijutced against
Dance Steps because OF New English
birth & Presbyterian training. But
when they approach you with amy
such uncultivated remark, please say
to them, Look at Hashimura Togo,
Democrat! He were born in Japan
Che say say so) Sc educated in First
Buddhist Church OF Yeddo. Yet he
, don't like the darnly thing no more
than me. So thereT
Mr.. Pres, were the person who did
not vote for you during your last
running. But If you Will run again
next year on a Dancing Platform l
sware to deliver to you all votes In
my Boarding House, which are solid
ified Japanese.
nEAR Hon. Emperor OF America, If
~ you could realize the number OF
sufferings that has came to me be-
cause of that Dance Requirement in
American Society! Because OF my
danceless feet / cannot even get mar
ried to a wife. Why is? When l APP
pFoacn w. lduys iHlehlloh h"Ni my
NAL, there she are making whiri-
around with some hanson raskel of
Japanese, trying to look like Sessue
Hayakawa All time music. playing
Sax O'Fone, tell me how they haven't
got bannannas. What do ] care for
that fruit while my soul are filled
with gentle poems? Boshes! s.
when that tune are stopped up jump
another & yg Lady get twirled by
somebody else.
I do not know which 10 do. Go to
Germany & learn goose step or re-
name In America & learn fox-step.
How can l even fall in love In such
a country? No American DeButtant
will stay still long enough TO listen
TO a page OF SHAKESPEARE.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

5 that great jam manufacturer
~ over in Scotland used to say
IA l can't think what was his
I 1 name, but you know. the one
who puts up the apple sauce,
well anyways. as he used to say,
''Should Aud Acquaintance Be Forgot
and the days OF Aud Lang Sine?"
Wen I dunno who Lang Sine was. and
it never seemed TO me to be real i'm
portant whether his days was remem-
bered or not, but when ii comes to
should auld acquaintance be forgot,
why, il Gems TO ME. that all depends.
Anyways, the subject come up be-
tween / and George, that's my hus-
band, not very long ago. when that
Joe Bush Of the Hawthorne Club had
gust rung us on the phone to know will
we come over 70 their house and play
Dridge Saturday evening, and l had
give George the ephis in sign Ian
Iuage to say no by shaking my head,
fist and etc.
So George. being a perfectly normal
husband and not getting it at all,
merely says to Joe, hey, Joe, the missis
amt sure she can make it, we will
let you know later, and then he hung
lid and he says to me what and the
deuce is the matter don't you wanner
20?
And l says no, l am sick to death
of them Joe Bushes, where is all the
folks that we used to know, says,
here we are stuck in a rut, we see
the neighbors, on account they are
easy to reach. but how about the
old friends? We will call them inti-
mate, but when do we see them or
hear anything about them? Usually
rot until there is a funeral notice
in the paper, 1 says.
Well, onct in a while l throw what
Geo. thinks is a wise crack, and this
was one of them. That's right, he
says, there is a lot of the old gang
we amt seen in years, what Jolly
crowd, we was so congenial!
Well, 1 says, l can think of a II
aloz Of that bunch I been meaning
10 get in touch with for years. And
leo. says fine. who will we touch
first?
And I says, well, I dunno, who will
we? And Geo. give as good imt-
1ation Of a man thinking as nature
permitted. bat naturally he couldn't
hold such pose long, so he says how
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

shore, for the pain which every pull /.
at the rope causes constrains him tos
follow docilely after the drag OF the
rope.
AS soon as he is landed the animal,
is addressed by the catcher in most
eulogistic language, that he may be
beguiled into Offering no resistance.
He is called "a rajah among animals"
and told that he is come on a friendly
visit and must conduct himself ac-,
cordingly.
First, the creatures jaws are tied
up, not a very difficult thing to do
Then the crocodile catcher, stiIf.
pouring forth compliments upon his
prey, tells him he viii give him rings
for his fingers, and he binds the
creatures hind legs fast behind his
back so as to deprive him of his grin
on the ground and his ability to use
his powerful tail. This takes no little
courage and Skill Finally the fore,
legs are tied in the same way. stout
pole is passed under the legs and Mr.
Crocodile is carried off to the nearess
government station, where the bounty
is paid i
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25
BY WALLACE IRWIN,


30 President u. S. A who / shall call
Cal because of deep shirt bosom
friendship I shall hereafterly feel
for him.
~ EAREST Sir' BY news print
which I read a few days of
yore 1 find something enor-
49, mally immense about you
which L hope is true. If II
Isn't.
read in that plain reporters hand
writing following joyful Defamation
of independence from you:
Pres. Cal Coolidge when saw In his
White home this a.. m. were asked IL
he would dance, waltz or any-of-
those newt things st his Inaugural Ball.
"'Will not 81 Congress can't make
met report Hon. Cal forcing back his
lips till he broke two Cd teeth.
When Hon. Reportorial ask II he
got some objection to dancing he
back-fire suddenly. i got no ootec-
tion to Il If somebody else do IL for
me & 1 are not cumpelled to look g.
listen.'
with such Presidential Massage he
CLOSE up & dry OF"
Now. Hon. President, when I read
Ehat manifesto cried long time into
my newspaper. AT lastly" / say so,
az have dishcovered a American what
can't be either pulled or hailed to a
dance. He have a soul so muscular
that he can hold onto hts chair of
office & not even his wife can I'M
hook him from his strong purpose.
I will play eucrA if necessary he
say so, and II cumpelled by publick
opinion 1 will sneek into the East
Room & smoke a siggarret. But
dance! I shall not, / cannot, / will
not heC3mSa do not like IN do if
and despise ii with every ounce of
my grimm New England blood"
You win not dance because you do
not like It'll
o Strong Man of the Hour, I rever-
ence you.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

went by Detective Sergta Brown,
Kelly and Herman of the bomb. squad
These boys was going along for the
nominal purpose of protecting her
VS.. attacks from rabid reds; some
of the women folks was catty enough
to say, however, that she wasn't
afraid of no reds, but having a male
escort all the vile appealed to her
on acct. of the novelty.
The future czarina amt the only
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

about Eddie Freenash, he used TO be
the life Of the party. and 1 seen in the
papers he has bought house out to
Rosemere. Why don't we give him
ring and say hello anyways, 1 believe
l will do so right now.
So Geo. got out the telephone book
and thumbed It over till he had it
pretty near all down his throat,
meanwhile making remarks such as
ia, fab, no, fe, Fl, 70 all no, Charles,
that amt him, until just before l
commenced to be worried for fear
! had better send for the wagon, he
says, all / got 1t, threefour- nine,
party J. And then after no more
then the normal telephone delay, Geo.
got the number. and what was even
further, he got Eddie his own self on
the wire.
Well, Geo. says hello, guess who
this IS speaking, it's George Jules!
And l could hear Eddies voice clear
through the phone when he says,
well well of all things, and then the
two of them had long Jaw, which
couldn't make out great deal of
1t, but after a while Geo. hung up
and unloaded the news.
X x + x
WELL, it seems Eddie was married
was just crazy to have US see that
kid and meet his wife and etc. And
It also seems where he had been
crazy to get in touch with US, and
had meant to long before this, and
etc, but you know how IL is, and any
ways, would we come out Sunday
afternoon and call and be sure to
bring Junior?
Well I says, Geo. see. that was a
good idea, they are the kinda people
we had ought to keep up with, he
must of been very successful, or he
wouldn't own no house out in Rose
mere, why waste our time on the Joe
Bushes when we got friends like
Eddie?
And Geo. says I agree with you en-
tirely. And by the time l had re-
covered from that remark why 1t
was the next day, and time to start
for the Eddie Freenashs II we was to
get there around tea time, allowing
for blow outs, both tire and verbal
Well, all the whole ways out to
Rosemere I and George kept passing
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25
Vessel Is Years Old.

THE Victory, the oldest American
vessel to remain in commission
and for Is years in faithful service
off the Atlantic Coast, has a comfort
able winter berth at Brewer, Me
Her owners felt that the aged
schooner could not resist the pound
ing ice of another winter But her
respite from toll is only temporary,
for in the Spring the Victory will be
reconditioned and with sails again
spread, will confidently try to weather
another year in coastal service.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

If you amt. you don't. On the nights
when they don't have royalties or
dances, they probably play 500, but
any way, the scheme has done what
the committee expected 1t to do,
namely, to use their own words, ito
preserve dignity and good breeding
otherwise there will be a social rev.
olution here like the French revolu-
tion." Us boys and gals should GER
tainly ought to feel grateful and
personly it's a big load off my mind.
During Cyrirs stay over here she
was accompanied every place she
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

Well Eddie, he says. 1t looks like
things had gone fine for you. Oh
they have, fair. says Eddie, you look
like you amt exactly suffered, your
self Oh, not SOS it can be noticed
says George, and then we all COM
menced to laugh again, and ] thought
my heaven, if Geo. was to expect
me to laugh at that kind of a line
in private, why Hot Bozo!
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

ever since they bought this place out
to Rosemere. all they done was see
the neighbors, while in the meantime
their most intimate friends that they
had meant to keep up with, why they
didn't hardly see nothing of them.
Well, about then I didn't feel like
! could endure Annie's cordially any
longer, and that if she was to keep
looking like that at me l would pretty
soon be telling her a lot about Eddie
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25

Well. said Eddie when our mirth
had quoted down, it certainly is
great to see you folks out here in
our little home. 1t is a big pity TO
lose track of the old friends ain't
1t? And we says certainly.
And then Eddie commenced hold
ing the floor to some foolish effect
about how he was only the other
day saying to Annie how they must
MT get stuck in a rut, on account
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-01-25
Sound

notoriety that is going TO be a guest
of the club. All ready they have
hooked Queen Marie of Rumania. the
Duchesse de ,Vendome. head of the
Bourbons, who. still hopes to regain
the throne of France, though ii is
pretty near impossible to get Bour-
bon over here any more. and the
Grand Duchess Xenia of Russia, who
is sister of the last czar, and the
last cars cousin Michael and the
Dowager Marchioness OF Milford Ha-