davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

Darling, say the words that will
make me happy for the rest Of my
life."
"All right-stay SINGLE"
-Notre Dame Juggler.
One Farmer: Out where I come
from the squashes grow SO big we
have to haul them in with a team
Of horses.
Another One: That's nothing; out
where 1 live the corn grows so fast
that we have to keep two men at
the base of each stalk to chop the
ears off as they go by, and one day
one of the fellows missed the ear
and it caught under his belt. By
heck, you won't believe it, but it car
ried him up so far that we had to
shoot dog biscuits up to him with a
shotgun to keep him from starving.
Michigan Gargoyle.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
MACHINES IMPORTANCE.

Though you were Cleopatra. or Joan
of Arc or Queen Elizabeth, Suzanne
Lcnglen or the bravest girl aviators
who are swarming to our skies, you
would be utterly baffled, thwarted and
handicapped. and the stupidest immi-
grant from the poorest farm or slum
in Europe would outwit and outshine
you at every point.
The machine has, after all, a vast
amount to do with the soul. The
greatest geniuses of thought or handi-
craft have owed a vital debt to their
lucky physical endownments OF brain
and anatomy.
Poets, statesmen, saints, warriors,
athletes and artists have all enjoyed
peculiarly fortunate bodily equip
ment. People of great stupidity or
cvil-mindedness have always suffered
from some handicap or some mishap
of construction.
We have learned in the past CEN
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

fury that insanity, obliquity, iniquity,
perversity and many other evils that
previous ages cursed as deviltries,
are really misfortune's work, not ma
Ices. We have learned that defec-
tive teeth, eyes, stomachs, skins, lungs,
hearts and other portions Of us en-
courage or even compel misbehavior
A few people recognized in the past
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

Pat: What do you know about
Czecho- Slovakia?
Otto: It's hard to say.
Green Onion.
RECIPE FOR A FUR COAT.
Take an ordinary yellow slickcr,
coat it thoroughly and evenly with
good grade of heavy glue. Put it on
and Immediately roll on the floor in
Sarncse's or in the Houston Club
barber shop. Brush lightly to secure
the proper effect.
Pennsylvania Punch Bowl.
did you hear about the robbery
last night?"
mo-"
"A garter attempted to hold up
stocking, but the stocking ran, darn
it."
Rice Owl.
He: May I hold you hand for a
second?
She: How will you know when q
second is up?
He: Oh, I'll need q second hand
for that. Black and Blue jay.
~Just start something-just start
something. I dare va to-" said the
big clustering bully to one Of these
little rah-rah boys.
you're dang right 1 WILL" retorted
the college fellow in a heated rage.
whereupon he walked over to his
- .ipidated Ford roadster, cranked it,
got in, and casually drove off.
MINI. Ski-U-Mah.
Nouveau Richie: Are you sure, Doc
tor, that have the very latest form
of influenza?
Doctor: Quite, madam; you cough
ed exactly like the Countess Of
Wessex.
Columbia Jester.
"Are you related to her by mar
riage?"
"No, I'm her brother by refusal"
Columbia Jester.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
TO WOMEN VOTERS:

TO WOMEN VOTERS:
What more have you done, dear
lady. with the ballot that was sur
rendered to you by more or less con-
temptuous and reluctant men after it
had been shamed out of them by num-
bers of high-minded and courageous
women who underwent martyrdoms of
abuse from their own sex for nearly
century? Are you voting when your
chance comes? Are you using your rea-
soning faculties in selecting the candi.
dates and principles that you win sup
port with your one ballot-which Il
as many ballots as anybody In the
nation has a right to cast?
What are you doing. madame, with
these new ideas that keep coming up?
Are you snarling at them, backing
away from them, or making uncouth
noises of disgust and disapproval just
because you are too lazy or too wicked
to give them intelligent consideration!
CONSIDER GENEVIEvE.
Honestly, now, are your likes and
dislikes any more reasoned or reason
able than Genevieye's? Don't you dis
like new things, even the most harm
less or beneficial, just because you are
not used to them? Don't you cherish
and cling to great numbers of things
that are poisonous and evil. just be-
cause you are used to them?
Consider Genevieve. dear ladies'
and dear sirs-and see if you are not
making monkeys of yourselves. / am.
know. in countless ways, clinging to
habits and prejudices as obsolete as
Genevieve's tail. 1 try at times to
question my most intense convictions
and reason with myself. The result is
that l have discarded many i once
held most dear and accepted many l.
once loathed.
Whether I chose wisely or not Is
another matter; but change OF mind
is a good and wholesome process now
and then. Without it. progress is i'm
possible and we remain mere monkeys
of a larger growth.
But now the master Of Genevieye
approaches. She knows his footsteps.
She watches the door with glitteriag
eyes and a smile Of love softeninx the
features that frowned on me. The door
opens. Her God enters. She leaps for
his neck.
She embraces him, ticks his hand,
displays her most remarkable accom-
plishments in ground and lofty hwb-
ling to win his approval.
When be is courteous to ne, she r..
CARDS me with augmented hate. When
he rebukes her she is meek. When he
puts her away she suffers but Is pa
tent. He is her God. He knows beat.
His least mercy, his very chastisement
is more beautiful than my eager prof
fers of friendship or my tributes q
respect.
You are not alone. Genevicve. IN
your mental habits. The world is full
Of Genevieves. But you can not be
anything else. They could II he,
would. But they won't
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

could not have made the Metropolitan
welkin ring with the tiny CONSTRUCTED
throat Of Genevieve.
Edison could not have invented the
photograph or any Of the other
countless things with which he has
lighted the world, had he been forced
to reply on what gray matter Gene
We've can boast, If any.
The sublimest preacher Of high
ideals would be a suffocated simian
if his big soul were crushed into that
head.
The most successful business man
would have to 70 hunting peanuts or
scrambling in the treetops for food il
he had to rely on Genevieve's equip
ment.
No one would expect a famous auto
speed king to 60 forth in a little
rusty flivver and beat q monstrous
racing car in a speed contest.
So 1 feel no superiority over Gene
We've. I doubt IL I should be as
clever or lucky as she il I were in
her skin.
For this little lady Of the jungle
has won a place in a great picture
based on a great classic, and she ap-
pears in it with her arms about the
neck and her palms fondling the check
Of an actor whose beauty and whose
genius have made him world-famous.
Thousands of beautiful and clever
women will envy Genevieve that priv
ilege.
She knows enough to love and fondle
that great actor. But she is afraid
of me as she was afraid of him at
first.
WHAT WOULD SHE DO?
What Genevieve would do in your
body, if you changed places with her,
it is hard to tell. She would be
bewildered by the enormity Of her
new home, Of course. She would feel
like a farmer in a foreign palace, a
child in a locomotive cab.
Perhaps her soui would expand
to the opportunity and make full
use of those glorious faculties Of
yours.
That exchange cannot take place.
But can you not feel that you owe
yourself and your marvellous machine
a fuller, nobler use of it than you
give it? Do you not feel that you
are doing far, far less with it than
you could? and should? For could
means should in this world where OPP
portunity and ability mean duty and
responsibility.
We humans boast that we differ
from all animals in the possession of
the power of reason. But how many
of us that power to the full?
All sorts of lodges are employed
70 distinguish the most ingenious
achievements of monkeys from the
most idiotic blunders of human be-
ings, in order to prove that they can
not reason and we can.
Whether they can or not, is a ques-
ton of de->%tion. We certainly can,
but how many of us do.
The only gift for Genevieve that
can find in this room where / am q
stranger is a discarded pasteboard piC
plate. 1 manage to get it into hel
hands before she can get her teeth into
mine.
She studies it with amazement, peer
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
By RUPERT HUGHES


UCTEP right in and wait, sir. He'll
- be in presently. Watch out for
the monkey. She's not friendly to
strangers. Her names Genevieve
She's a grand actress, but shy"
/ had called on q famous actor in
whose next picture a pet monkey
played q part. He was busy on the
set when arrived and ] was left alone
for 4 while with the tiny caricature Of
humanity.
She knew the attendant and gam
boiled about his big frame with affec-
tionate humor but she did not like me,
and, being afraid Of any foreigner,
tried to disguise her terror under a
burlesque of ferocity. 1t was evident
that the inferiority complex is not
monopoly Of human beings, and that
it manifests itself among the simians
az among us in the form Of bluff and
buster.
From her perch on the attendants
shoulder, Genevieve made a snatch at
my outstretched hand Of friendship
and taking a finger in her leathery
little hands, tried to draw it toward
her sharp and vicious teeth. But for
tunately my pull was greater than
hers and the chain about her waist
kept her from leaping through the air
across the little distance / kept be-
tween us.
For nearly half an hour / studied
her and tried to gain her friendship.
She was not very wise or she would
have seen that she was in no danger.
Womanly intuition is evidently no
more general among her species than
among ours.
HER MEANING CLEAR.
She kept up the most ferocious ef-
forts to spring on me, making as
founding flights from all sorts Of
perches. She called me every name
in her vocabulary. l am no Garner
and l could not distinguish the words,
but their meaning was clear, and there
was reason to believe that some Of her
expressions were positively profanc.
Studying her with fascination and
having seen from bit of her film rec
ord how sweet and tender she could
be with her master, / fell to ponder
ing on the licensees between this
monkey and humanity. Except for her
long 1.-THE tail and her general carriage
she suggested small preliminary
model of a finished invention.
had seen microscopic photographs
Of monkey blood and human blood, and
could not tell them apart, though the
difference between the blood of man
and frog are widely different. / had
read that apes blood and human blood
are SO much alike that even chemis-
try can not distinguish them, both
making the same reaction TO the pre-
eiptive test.
POINTS IN COMMON.
l knew that when ! was in my
very early youth, some time indeed
before I was born, had a tail, and
that the rudimcnt of the first tnil bone
was still evident upon my skeleton as
upon yours, dear reader.
knew that shortly before I was
born l was covered, as are all human
beings in their last parental stage,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

with a complete coat Of monkey hair,
which / soon lost.
/ knew that during my first three
weeks of existence my little hands had
a monkeys grip and could be lifted
by it, though I lost the power before
the first month was over.
So many things that the monkey
and I shared in common, l had lost.
/ had gained some things that mon
keys never have, but wished that l
had done, or still might do, better
with my advantages.
To have a long, prehensile tail like
a fifth member, a third long arm,
would be very convenient at times;
and to be able to scramble and scam
per with a monkeys ability would be
very useful in these days of high
buildings obviously called fireproof.
fell to wondering how little OF
my supposed superiority to that mon
key l owe to my soul and how much
to my machine.
ARE WE so CLEVER?
Suppose that you, dear madame, or
pretty mademoisellc, were forced to
change places with that monkey; per-
mitted to take with you your person
atty, your character, your education
and all your ideals. How far would
you 60? How would you prove your
tremendous superiority pent up in that
strait prison?
Your own mother would not know
you by sight, of course. How would
you persuade her that you were in
deed the darling daughter Of whom
she was so proud and so fond?
You could not talk or sing be-
cause the organs of articulation
would be almost altogether lacking.
You could not write because your new
hand, smaller and daintier than even
your present hand, would be unable
TO grasp and manage a running pen.
You would find it impossible to do
much thinking with that petty brain
huddled in that poor little skull. You
could not reason with your mother,
lacking all machinery of reason.
Your beauty would be gone or al
tered to the simian standards. Your
graceful postures would be impossible
with members of a monkey shape.
Your fashionable costumes could not
be worn or exploited in that new
form
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

bodies lighted the
the emphasize the dark
the False Alarm Marthas of day,
bloody oc who ISLANDERS and lelaons and
they vndicv abuse the
the the Others actuae
fashionably uni profound timidity.
vcrsa then. Their attacks hurt the less.
ferociy
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
AFRAID OF ARGUMENT.

So many people of strong convic-
tons act as if they were afraid to
have them breathed on lest they fall.
Such people in defence of such convic-
tons, exploit their cowardice in the
disguise of tyranny, abuse, horror of
dispute.
So the Bloody Maries Of the times
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

ed up the poor souls that frightened
her; the Puritanic libels of today play
havoc with the regulations of the poor
souls that are not Puritanic, too. But
the motive of them all is cowardice.
They behaved, they behave. no bet
ter than this poor monkey Genevieve,
who RACES at me, who leaps and
clutches and chitters and bares her
venomous little teeth at one who
would not harm her for the world, and
who stands before her now trying to
calm her anxieties, allay her fears and
assure her of his wish to live and let
her live.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
TODAY's QUEEN MARYS.

That queen of England, the first to
wear the gentle name of Mary, resem-
bled so many good women of today,
who are jealous to make laws and
punish wicked people whose views they
hold in adherence. With the most
solemn earnestness she had people
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
NOT TO BLAME.

Genevieve is not to blame for be-
ing a monkey and Bloody Mary was
not to blame for being no dove Of
cooling placidity. But Bloody Mary
wore n crown and claimed divine sane
ton for her ridiculous pretense that
she was better than anybody else in
all England; that her poor, stunted
mind and halfinsane prejudices fitted
her to rule and let her subjects APP
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

ror. So was Bloody Mary's; so was
the counter-ferocity of Good Queen
Bess who followed her half-sister to
the throne and almost as zealously
burned alive the burners of the pre-
vious reign.
They were passionately convinced of
certain things which they held sacred,
yet were so afraid of their opinions
and their ideals, that they dared not
let them be questioned or even dis
cussed.
II L am convince of the impregna-
bility of my position, invite attack,
l await it with supreme confidence
and anticipations of delight. If l
am afraid of my position, / make all
against all who would apDroach it.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

what nearly everybody recognizes
now, and nothing in the life and writ
ings OF old John Bradford, martyred
in 1856, more adorns his memory
than the famous outcry so eloquent
that it has been wrongly credited to
Richard Baxter. John Bunyan, John
Wesley and a bishop or two; seeing
a criminal pass by on the way to the
gallows, he said:
"There, but for the grace Of God,
goes John Bradford"
1t was a noble sentiment of self
knowledge and world-knowledge and
it is regrcttable that a man capable of
such exalted meekness, ended his life
by shameful execution under the mis-
guided fantaticism Of the well-meaning
fanatic known as Bloody Mary.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

-virginis Reel.
Il hear you and' your girl had a
misunderstanding"
"Yes, I misunderstood her eyes,"
Centre Colonel.
Thaddus: What made you say
there was a biting wind?
Cladus: Cause, man. I was in
the teeth of the gale.
Okla. Whirlwind.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

{ d
THE B ]
Obie: ran into a friend of yours
yesterday.
Josh: Did you apologize?
Kentucky Cardinal.
It's the first step that counts
especially in an elevator shaft.
IN. Y. Medley.
Lady to Rustic: Could I borrow
your pen?
Rustic: Ask the pigs, ma'am.
Lady: But want you to under
stand that I'm a lady, sir.
Rustic: That's all right, ma'am,
they don't know the difference.
MINI. Ski-U-Mah.
Kleptomaniac: Put your watch in
your risht-hand pocket; I'm left-hand-
ed.
Dartmouth Jack o Lantern.
A young woman goes upstairs at
Z As to dress for the evening. She is
10 years old and weighs 102 pounds.
State the wait of the young man down.
stairs.
Denver Parakeet.
Wife (who has been reading the
papers, to departing husband) "Now
mind what I say, Ben. You just stick
to plain burglin'. None of this kissin'
business"
Lafayette Tyre.
"Why are lou 30 interested in
Mary? Why, she's 20 dumb she hasn't
enough sense to come in out Of the
rain.
That's just it. sAnd the same ap-
plies to the moonlight"
Carolina Buccaneer.
Old dogs usually know too many
tricks anyway. Rice Owl.
mabel, you grow more beautiful
every day."
"Oh, Jack, you do exaggerate."
"Well, then, every other day."
Columbia Jester.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13
What Would Monkeys Place? Asks Rupert Hugh

round It, over It, makes quick dashes
to surprise Its secrets, then proceeds
to tear it to pieces, to nibble it to
shreds and scatter it in a general lit
tor -
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-12-13

what WAS that noise I hesrd?"
"That was . student falling ask
There's one thing I want to
know"
"YesT
"Who waters the bulbs of the cleo
trio light plant?"
Washington Dirsc.
Usually the faster you are mar
ried the less fast you are married.
Cornell Widow.
Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06
TPEHNa MEKAy AHTANEN VI
POCCNEN.

HOH40H. - Cy66OTAee saceAa-
HNe aHraNacKorO Ra6NHeTa 6bIAo no
cBaWeHo aHrAHHcKO poccMRcKHM no
AnrMqecKNM BsaNMoorHOMeHAam. ITO
qTM Becb Ra6NHeT HaCIaNBaA Ha ne
MegAeHHOM paspbIBe C PoccheA. "a
HaKO peuIeHO OHIO oITaHYrb sTOT
mar " OTnpaBnTb MOcRBe sHeprhq-
HyIo Ho1y npoTecTa npoTHB ee arH-
TauRN B RHTae c npe4ynpe%AeHHeM,
qTo, ecaA ara arNTauna He npeKpa
TNTca, TO AHrHKa HaBcer4a nopBeT
C PoccNeR BcaRNe cHOWeHna.
nOAarapT, ITO npaBhTeAbcIBo Be
ANRO6pNTaHnH He pemaeTca HopBarb
C PoccNeE, ~onacaacb, KaK Obi ee Nh
4ycTpHaabHbIR KpnsHc He npeBparH
Aca 3 noaHTNqecKMH.
Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06
PA3 BE H OBOCT "
'HEHPOLuEHHbIN AlbTPyN3M'
Ky1NqMA.

lOHgOH. = B nepe4oBoR era
The B%OcRpecHorO HOMepa AoH4oHcRO
70 "TaEMca'' roBopATca:
"npesN4eHT Rynn4% - ThnNq
HblaH aMepNRaHeI. 0co6eHHo sTo npo
aBnaocb B ero HecBoeBpeMeHHOM 90
HapyweHAn cBoero HenpomeHHoro
aabTpyHsMa. Becb 3ana4. ceAqac cTo
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po3aMn XH3HN ~HMyuIecTBY hHOcT
paHueB B RnTae, a TyT npe3hAeHT
npegAaraeT AnmNTb nx %HocAeAHHx
rapaHTNI 6esonacHocTh. HNqero, Ro
HeqRo, he MoXeT 60Abule %Oo64pNTb
6yHTYDwnx KhTaEIeB, qeM 7aRoe
npe4AoxeHNe".
Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06
3A6ACTOBRA HOqTOBNKOB
TOHKOHFE.

TOHK0HT. 80 3a6acT0BEa H0q-
TOBBX cIy%amHx aIecb %HpoIoI%ae
Tel II sIaHHa HOqT HaTIyXo aaRoIo
qeHB. TaEHM o6paSoM, HOqTa He pas
HocHTca no aIpecaTaM H H%pO4OITaeT
Ie;RaTb B HOqTOBBIX MemRax. llOBa-
pa II qepHOpa6oqHe npaBHre.IbcTBeH
Horo T0CHHTaIa HpHcOeITHHIHcb Il
6acTypmHM. 3a6acToBaIH 4poBoce-
Ri, II IHTe.IH IepeBeHb 3aHHMaIoTca
Hopy6HoH HcHyccTBeHHBX %4peBOHaca-
1IeHHii, yHHqToTaa, TaKHM o6pasOM,
pa6oTy Tocy4apcTBa, cToHBmyD 90
lIbIIIHX Tpy4OB.
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XOIHHX R0MnaHHf HpeIIOTHIH DHH
OHaM 6acTyIomHx TexoB BsaTEy B
100000 4oIlapoB. qTo6H pa0oqHe
H%pncTyHHlH Il pa6oTaM.
ycTaHOBIeHa cTp0raa TeH3ypa
HaI npH6BIBaDmHMH cD4a TeIerpaM
MaMH.
Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06
n~OCHElHNE HOBOCTN

AFRO NpAa npe3NAeHr KY
ANAw npas4HoBaa cBoH nMaHnHbi.
ENVY McnoHHnAocb So ro4a. npe3h-
4eHr noAyqNA HecRoHbKo TbIcaq nos
4paBAeHnH, BRApqaDmnx %npMBeTcT-
Bna OF Bcex RopOaeE EBponbl.
-NoraHHa Rpeq, qaeH BOcnMTa
TeAbHOrO RoMMTeTa 4NHarO, BblcTaB
Hae1 cBop RaHaH4aTYpy B Mspbl sTo
70 ropo4a. 0Ha saaBNAa, qTo, ecaN
OLA npoR4eT, TO Ola BcaqecKN 0y-
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Mec1Hble nyTn coo6meHna.
-He4aAeRo OF Can nOpeHIo B
MeRcnRe npohsomAH RpyHHble arpa-
pHbIe 6ecnopa4Rn. npNmAocb Bbls-
Barb BoRcRa gaa OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES no
paaRa.
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NMN ceMbaMH 6blAN "yromeHbI" no
aeTaMH IA MNTqeab @nA4. IlhAoTa
NM asponaaHOB, Ia ROTopbx HeTaHa
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BbeB.
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xxx Tpe4-BHNoHoB rAacnT: "Mbl Ha
4eeMca, qTo o6'e4NHeHHbIe RHTaEc-
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paa ycTaHoBHr MorYwecTBeHHbIN co
ps Mckay eBponeRcRnM " BecToq-
HbIM npoAeTapnaIoM".
B cBasN C rem, qTo npaBhTeAb
crBy Tpy4Ho o~HAaqaBaTb pacxoAbI No
Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06
MAPOKRCKNN CyHTAH TONIC
fact @PAHuy3AM.
HOB gOAAapO

HAPPIER. 6paHGyacRHe IHHIo
MaTM yxe, oqeBHIHo, "o6pa6oTaIH'
MapoRRcRoro cyaTaHa, moo OH Oo'a
BHH y ce6a Mo6HlHaaHHio "I.Ha Hpo
rHBo4encTBHa npoHaraHIe H aKTHB--
HIM BBcTyHHeHHaM A6geIb-EpHMa"
Hpecrnx &paHuyscEHx BofcE B Ma
poRRo sHaqHTeHBHo IIaI. Fla 9paHTy
scfoM 8poHTe oxHIapTca HoTRpeH-
.IeHna gaa reHepaIBHoro cpa%eHHa,
RoTopoe Hepec.Io OBI TeaTp 4ehcT-
Bnh B r.Iy6b pH6bcEof TeppHTopHH.
Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06

~ .H H
PHM. TpeTbaro 4Ha HOqBD
BOpM 3a6paAHcB B xpaHHIHIIIe cB'
HeTpa B BaTHRaHe II 3a0paIH oTTy
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Rassvet = Dawn., 1925-07-06

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