davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
\ Lover of Beauty

A Lover of Beauty
 By Myron w. Shissler I've travelled OCT this land of ours On almost cV'ry line: The service that the railroads gtyo l think is very fine. The ticket agents kindly tell Me how and where to go; The red caps help me to the train, (For ten cents), as you know. The porters are cheery lot Who make the trip a joy; Conductors have temper that No questions can annoy, From engineer to baggage man 1 think each one saint, And so my conscience hurts me, fol l must make a complaint. I think it's wrong that they should
 have At ev'ry eating place A lot of waitresses, each one With such a pretty face. How often, oh how often Have l aWoke with pain To realize l gazed so long At them l lost my train'
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

the whole thing Is baked until 1t shows 'mellowy brown" Nothing appears more simple. Even a mere man could do 1t if he had the time
 - but he had better leave 1t to the lady of the house., unless he hap pens to be chef by profession,
 Nothing hits the spot In these parts like blueberry pie in season. except 1t be strawberry pie or straw berry shortcake in season. The only trouble is, the season ought to last longer -- all the year round, for instance.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

we otter be dinged glad we're
 here, instead of Worryln' about whether our grandfathers and grandmothers swung from trees or not" said Uncle Elijah Butter worth yesterday, in talking of the evolution trial at Dayton, Tennessee.
 If my grandfather ever swung from a tree it was long afore l knowed him." continued the old man, "because when l made hls acouaintance he hadn't done any walkin' for about 40 years, let alone iumpin' around in the underbrush and the naples. Anyhow, my grand mother would never of let him carry on like that As far as know, ne was allus a temperance man. And, as for my great-grandfather, we'll he spent some time out west ana started to swing from tree once' but the rope broke. Theys been lots of monkeys in our family but they've allus kept to the ground, except for my cousin Charley Spriggs, whose mother was one of the Burlington Aliens. Well, he went up in the air every time hls wife wanted new hat. Then they was another relative, name un- known just at the present minute i who used to make balloon ascen' sions. He came down and landed 1T a tree oncet, but he didn't do much swingin'. He just hollered fer help
 As fer as I can see, them feller' i who were mixed up in the tria
 down there shoudl look right tc hum ef they want to find ou
 whether man is descended iron monkey. or vice versa, as the Riff
 fans sez when they rush into bat
 tie. It appears to me that William ], Bryan don't care what is saic about him 50 long as he can se
 on the front pages of the paper
 "Personly l don't care ral whether they can prove we was de
 scended from apes and baboons O
 not. It's too late to change now anyways, and the best we can do l to go along livin' with that horribl
 stigma attached to us. And of course if that jury sed we wasn't descend cd from apes, we can rest at peace They was there when the worl' was created, so they ought to know I wonder if they've heard about tn Invention of the telegraph. The
 had a big celebration down her
 last week, the occasion bein' tn
 report that the spanish-AmerieA
 war had been brought to q finish,
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
lines from a stcnog,s Notebook

Lines from Stcnog's Notebook
 We are in receipt of your letter of June fourteenth -- If my wife tries to fire you, just remember that I'm running this business - and regret to state - Just between you and l, the reason she doesn't trust me -- that we will be un- able 10 meet the terms -- is that she used to be a stenographer, her self - as stated by you,
 An extension of 30 days lets see. where was I al? - or pos slbly of SO days, will enable us to make full payment - Just why she's suspicious of me, I don't know
 - We have many outstanding bills and unpaid accounts - Shall we drive around a little. about five o'clock? - but by the first of the month we should be able--Well don't blame me. When you look at ne like that l cant help myself 10 settle your account.
 Feeling sure that you will under. stand our position -- Fine, thought you would, all the time, - and that this arrangement vii be satisfactory 10 you - Let gC your hand Aw. now, You don need both hands 10 take dowr l shorthand. - in this matter - Where's the whisk-broom? I can leave this powder on my coat - we remain, very truly yours -
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
pr. Bnldpate's Sca-Going Four
 Poster

IOSltE
 T see where someone else is stealing my stuff" said Dr. George A. Baldpate, looking up from the Sunday supplement- He was talk ing to Mary r, Gramm, seated nearby.
 She looked 9 question mark.
 Its this man Hclms," he ex- plained, "the one who has just made a trip down the Mississippi on g mattress. 1 did the same stunt 70 years ago only l wasn't content with tho mattress alone. I took the whole bed along. No. it wasn't a case of flood or anything like that I in- tended to do it. It was like this.
 "I was lying in bed one morning singing to myself the words of Stovensons little poem, My bed is like a little boat when suddenly l thought to myself, why not? Why not actually convert my bed into a boat? It was simplicity itself. Mere ly the substitution of a rubber mat tress for the hair variety and the trick was done, I pvt two pounds of crackers under the pillow and there l was, prepared to see the world without getting up. Can you imag- inc anything more delightful?
 "I had no motor, like Helms, but as the bed was a four poster if was easy to rig up the counterpanc and one of the sheets for sails. It was really the first four-mastcd bed that had ever put on the Mississippi. embarked at St Louis and my progress down the river was tri. umph.
 As l ncarod the delta at New Orleans, where the southern bayou| pour their muddy waters into tn, main stream, 1 was troubled not { little by alligators which insisted oI crawling into bed with me, but rigged up some sides of chickei wire and overCame the difficulty,
 "Just after l had passed New Or leans, which was really the end 0 my trip, I struck a submerged sna and the bed, being Q folding one suddenly shut on mo. Fortunately the steamer Robert E. Lee was nca mo and I was rescued by her first mate, s. l.. Clemens, better know as Mark Twain The incident wa the beginning of lifelong friend ship"
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
OVERLOOKING RIG THINGS AI HOME

New Britain Is thu biggest hard. ware manufacturing city on the elobr, yet t,w residents of the city have I,,u through her factories that is usually done by visitors"
 That's the statement d visitor to the Herald office made yesterday And we could not do otherwise than admit he was right.
 Yet New Bri:ainites who have seen the outside walls of our fac
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
Observations On Tie Weather

Forecast: For eastern New Yorki Partly cloudy Saturday, showers tn north portion in afternoon or night; Sunday showers in north, fair in south portion; not much change in temperature,
 For northern New England: Fair Saturday; Sunday showers; not much change in temperature.
 For southern New England: Fair Saturday and probably Sunday; net much change in tsulperaturs,
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
 z<. Q4l-.H ,>' / fun ch0p MAxsON EXHAlL JURnL
Efficiency! !

Efficiency! The bathing girl of long ago Would blush at current styles we know, The modern miss. more yersed in arts, Paints on the blush before she starts.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
Member Audlt Bureau of Circulation

The A. B. c. Is national organization which furnishes newspapers and adver. tissrs with 6 strictly honest analysis of circulation. Our circulation statistics Are based upon this audit. This insureF protection against fraud in newspaper distribution figures to both national and local advertisers.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Reviewing q play IS most dl1ll~ cult. In case the full import of those words is not gained, it might be remarked that interviewing q play is most difficult. The Observer, in collaboration with Haywood Broun, Avery Hopwood, Florenz Ziegfeld, Jr.. President Coolidge, King George of England and William J, Bryan, has therefore arranged an arti- cle which is designed 10 held such as are obsessed with the desire 10 review plays. MT, Bryan has been secured at a great costa 10 review "The Hairy Ape" and other dramas of the great out doors.
 The first thing reviewer must learn to do is control himself. Never 1 under any circumstances may he give birth 10 any emotion except complete boredom bordering on sleep. Always must he radiate dis taste for anything and everything especially the play at hand and also always must he disagree with the audience amidst which he Is sitting If it laughs, he shall snort with dis the head will do. but some rules allow a slight sheer to play about the corners of the mouth and the base of the nose. If the play is 1it ho sh j eat ! to his feet and walk out,
 When walking into the thcater 1 the reviewer should be jolly and a ] renl happy Go-lucky, haile-fcllow- wcll-mct sort of a chap. He should salute the ticket collector. with Hello, Captain," and he should al. ways wave a cheory greeting to the manager of the theater, who vii probably look the other way i'm. modiately
 Some reviewers insist that the pad and pencil should be removed from the pocket before proceeding down the aisle, while others say that the reviewer should merely stalk down the aisle with a "to tha' place of which Satan is the pro prietor with you" attitude. Ht should express slight anger If tht usher does not grab his checks i'm
 mediately, or, better, he should
 search out his own seat. However
 the latter course is not 50 mucl
 recommended, since there is a grea
 possibility that the reviewer vii
 get the wrong seat and will hav
 to change when the usher asks
 May l see your check, plcase?"
 When in his seat he should sim , into a coma or casually gaze at tn program, meanwhile uttering unde
 his breath, or 10 the person wit
 whom he has come to the theatel
 This is sure 10 be rotten," or , wish l was at home in bed" ol
 better still, so that people will kno' , he Is reviewer, Did you see tn
 writeur l gave that leading man i
 such-and-such a show" Before tn
 orchestra gets into the pit, a fe'
 naughty and lofty gances might
 thrown over the audience, just fc atmosphere and If the reviewer Ina his pencil handy, he might spcn the time tapping his teeth with i meanwhile giving the appearance ( having been assigned to the Charle Ross case.
 When inc curtain goes up on tf | first act remark about the settin might be apropos, If the audienc
 gives vent 10 a sigh of rapture. might be well to say, Not so ba'
 but it could have been better"
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
Member of the Associated Press.

Tho Associated Press iE exclusively on. titled to tn" use for republication Of all news credited to n or not otherwise credited in thls paper and also local news published h.Sein.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

John, dear, why don't they have a guard or watchman for the dope?" What on earth are you talking about? Guard for what dope?" This baseball dope that somebody is always upsetting."
 William w. Womrath.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
NCE Rating

Conductor: What, A half fart ticket for your husband, ma 'am?" Lady: "Yes. His mentality il under that of 12 veal old"
 -G. H. W. Copyright, 1925, Reproduction
 Forbiddenl
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
Natives

Nurse: "Ycs, Marjorie dear, those are swans" Marjorie; And is that the Swanee river?"
 Dorothy Schuler,
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Tho weather is like the ills of a republic. It causes endless talk, but people never do anything about if.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

It's an even break. The rich try hard to keep the money in the family and the poor 10 keep the family in money.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

What puzzles LIS about the birth rate is how Nature knows you arc going to be poor all your life.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
Barnyard Gossln

Leghorn: Whats that hen cack. ling about?"
 Plymouth rock: "She laid a three minute egg in something less than q minute"
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
T'rrS-1CtIvi

Bernice: "Why does she run around with that fellow? He's a bad egg"
 Mildred: That's the reason she's afraid 10 drop him"
 Oscar Burkman.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

The Herald is on sale daily in New York at Hotallng's New Stand. Times Square: schultz's News Stand. Entrance Grand Central l2nd street.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
THE OBSER YER. Makes Random Observations
 On the City and Its People

Look at that baby spot back stage. The effect Is terrible" or even better, "The whole things all wrong" During the show it would be well to talk in hoarse stage whisper about what's right and what's wrong with tho show. And there are these things 10 be re- membered: Never laugh, never cry, never do anything except yawn. In case any tragic parts are Introduced inc reviewer might make a remark about the situation being over drawn. Comments as to tn stage presence of actors are also welcome from time to time.
 When the act is over, and, in fact between each act, 1t might be well to jump up quickly with q remark, Well I've got to see the leading lady. She said she would like to have a talk with me-" Then the re- viewer can stand In the back of the house until the lights have once more faded out and the next act is well under way. A nonchalant en- trance at a most critical time in the play. especially If it is necessary to make seven people stand while he finds his seat. is done by many re- viewers,
 | Another thing: the reviewer i should jot down notes from time to time. The notes might be read aloud ! for the benefit of the audience if it i is desired.
 After the show, when the curtain calls are being given, the reviewer should wave his hand wearily at the stage each time the curtain is raised with the remark, That's enough that's enough" When asked what ht thought of the show, the correct re- ply should be, "Well, is wasn't sl bad, but I've seen better
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

II is estimated that 79 per cent of those whose telephone voices have that important sound don't amount ito a darn
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
C'mon, lets go'
Going Upi

English lady Gin American de partment store): Where is the lift, sir?"
 Floorwalker; Opposite the right Madam"
 Herb. Roemer.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Correct this sentence: Sorry" she
 said to the young millionaire, but I
 promised to go flivyering with Bill this evening" (Protected hy Associated Editors, InCD
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

About the only game in which the United States hasn't captured most of the worthwhile prizes is resource grabbing.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Superior women would he as charming as others if they weren't
 so resentfu about being females.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Still, at divorce trial you see a lot of people who are too nice to read the naughty magazines.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
MRS, WILSON IN VENICE

Geneva, July 25 P,-Mrs. Wood- row Wilson, who is now staying ia Venice, is expected 10 visit Geneva in September and be the guest Of friends who have taken q villa here.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Statesmanship: Plundering 3 weak people; blaming the Reds when the people seem 10 resent it.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

When his wife thinks the poor chap needs more mothering, he probably needs more liberty.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

The degree of his scorn for those lower down reveals how recently he climbed up,
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Willing it 10 charity doesn't in dicate generosity. It is easy to be generous with stuff you have no | darned use for.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Bent for downtown. certain young man the other day arrived breathlessly at the corner of the street where he lives only 10 find that the trolley he had intended talk ing was already pulling out. Deter mined not to miss out on rather important date at the other end of the line. he scrambled madly after the car. Noticing his pursuit. the conductor of the car, learning far out, shouted to him, Hurry up. You can make it."
 But the Observer guesses 1t must have been all right. It was not NO Accident Week"
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

There are leaders enough in Amer lea, but not enough grievances to go round,
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

The only profitable advertising medium In the City. Circulation books and
 prsss room always open to advertisers,
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

SUBSCRIPTION RATES $500 6 Year.
 t2.00 Three Months.
 76e. q Month.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

There are periodicals that will en- able you 10 keep up with everything except expenses.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

People arc funny.
 In library. Buzz, buzz, zzzzz three elderly ladies at a table buzz ing disaster to another of their kind. Whisper, buzz, buzz, getting louder and louder. Broken bits of gossip, words, red hot words, scath- ing words, louder and louder. Peo- pie trying 10 read. Impossible to read. The conversation waxing hot ter The prerogative of talkative and elderly ladies. A sign on each table. "People in here do not wish to be disturbed. No whispering, Elderly ladies are funny.
 People are funny.
 In a lunchroom. Stiff business men marching in 10 preserve proud waistlines. Sinking misfits. Stenog- raphers. Clerks. Oodles of them. Others. All kinds. A little wizened fellow shambles in. In an army uni form. Hestates. Thinks it over Pulls himself together. Whispers his lltIh6 lu dll NtltGl' iJiATl Gllpl Nc' Spouts refusal. Another the same. Asks two or three more. No not much. EX-soldier straightens up, Leaves This, then, for fighting. For saving democracy. Making the world safe. His reward.
 People are funny.
 In inc post office, In and out Streams Of walkers. Floating foot steps. The general delivery window Mrs. White asks for mail. Covertly Mail from Mr. Black. Ella has 2 | date, In thu doorway. Waits Streams of visitors. Calling fol mail. Darting messenger boys. Mail 1 ing the bosSs letters. Visitors 1T town. Patches of post cards. Folk at homo, Pussy old ladies. At tn | parcel post window. Loud harangu ings Thin edged voicings of disap
 proval. Insure this. Whats in il | None of your business, Tony enters Bundle for Italy. Old clothes. Vagu ! dueryngs. Tony leaves. Ella waits
 Ella has date. In the doorway i Long lines of stamp purchasers Lines at other windows, All inten ! in getting out All in a hurry. No all. Idlcrs there. Good parkin
 place for q time. Till busted. In tn post office. Elias beau arrives. Ell | and beau leave.
 People are funny.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Entered at the Post oIee at New Britain
 ss Second Class Mall Matter.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
WAS RUHR OCCUPATION
 A BLUNDER?

French and Belgian troops march cd into the Ruhr In January, 1928; at presesS they are marching out again, and by the end of the | month will be practically out of the district. The question naturally arises, was the occupation wise or q blunder? A changed mental attitude In Europe unquestionaby followed the Ruhr invasion. French mentality Is not the same as 1t was before that time, and the German attitude likewise has changed perceptibly. In France Poincare's policies were succeeded by the milder policies of Herriot, who in turn was succeeded by Painleve; and as each represent ed a specific point of view 1t was certain that each change of ad- ministration likewise brought with it change in attitude toward the Ruhr adventure. Whereas Poincare was eager to "go in and stay in," Herriot was eager to "get out" in some way commensurate with na- tional dignity, while Painleve, rep resenting a moderation in both d. rections, has been going at 1t slower than Herriot probably would have done had he remained in power, yet is getting out" nevertheless. Germany learned the lesson that evasiveness didn't work. Ever since that time she has been more willing, more tractable, more inclined to work with the other European ra- tons than against them. Continental harmony is nearer today than 1t has been since the armistice. In fair ness 1t must be added that Presi- dent Hindenburg has thrown no sand in the machinery: in fact, he Is rarely heard from. The old war rior In him seems to be dead and he so far has been peacefully in- clined individual, which it is 10 be hoped will continue to be his policy.
 The Springfield Union commented so trenchsntly upon the Ruhr evacuation that we are glad to re- print its words:
 Occupation Of the Ruhr was
 costly costly to France, to
 Germany and 10 the rest of the
 necessary. But for the oCcupa-
 ton of this district there might
 have been no writing of 8
 Dawes plan. Gen. Dawes him.
 Scll SlldItS lliS NlC"t Nl'i i'S
 implications, and last year, 1t
 may be remembered, expressed
 1t most forcibly. Had there been
 no occupation of the Ruhr, Ger
 many might have been hem
 ming and having still, while
 French chauvinists dreamed Of
 an extension of their country's
 influence and boundaries. AS it
 is, Germany has begun to pay, and FrenChmen grow more req
 sonabe. The Dawes plan thus far works satisfactorily.
 Occupation of the Ruhr full filled no dreams of conquest and resulted in nothing spectacular. 7 In it's influence in connection with changing events in Eur ope in the last two and a half
 years, however. if was most in nucntial. With furry of drums the French marched into the } Ruhr; with a fury of drums they now march out again.
 Without fighting a battle they
 have won great victory, 10 some extent over Germany and } 10 an equal extent over them , selves"
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

The proper equipment for an ar gument on evolution Is one part erudition and nine parts animosity.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
New Britain Herald
HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily Sunday EIosptsd) At Herald Bldg. 67 Church Street
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
She Wants to Know

Kisses are generally appraised at their face value.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

The hardest thing to learn about bridge is to eat sardines for supper.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
FactsqndFancies
 BY ROBERT CULLEN

From free silver to monkeys is
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Among the great works of faith is the installment plan.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

Another excellent training in tho art of diplomacy is daughter six teen years old.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25
TELEPHONE CALLS

Business Ottics ..,. 92S Editorial Rooms .... e26
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

A blind man was caning his way along Main street. Coming to 3 street intersection, he felt bis way to a r-loiterer and ,'ltcd him the direction to a certain uildlng. Jerking his thumb over his shoul- der, said loiterer replied, Is right over there"
 "I see" said the blind man.
 And this, thought the observer, | is blind mans bluff.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

The motto If at first vol don't succeed. try. try again." vas dem onstrated Thursday afternoon on Church street when truck driver tried to do the seemingly !mpos- sible. He drove the trurN loadt d with long heavy girders down the street and tried to make d turn into an alleyway on the eft. The street was too narrow 10 1o this. Then he tried to Jack into e l alley on the opposite silo of the street and from there make :i3 way, This failed. He attempted i'll every con- ceivable manner 10 enter That alley. By that time a large crlwd of spec tators had gathered. Everyone was waiting for the inevitable, sLch az the truck going through one of the windows nearby, etc. But tlo driver used his head and putting inc truck on a straight course again drove Lp to Main street. EHil2nlly he did a lot of thinking in 'ha iut wal for soon he was down on Church street again and seemingly without effort drove through the narrow space and delivered the girders.
New Britain herald., 1925-07-25

T see where someone else is stealing my stuff" said Dr. George A. Baldpate, looking up from the Sunday supplement, He was talk ing to Mary F, Gramm, seated