The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-03-02
KICKS

tor,. I do not anticipate having tol
swallow any more alien goods and
smile while doing a..
Many o. my selfnEhteous prohibit
ton friends have often wondered
why l. with ono foot lE tho grave
aud the other mrtaphorcnlly speak
Ing. dragging behind me. should have
laid In stock Of assorted liquors
worth. at wholesale, prs.war prices,
fiO0 600.
This sounds bad coming from a
very temperate old man. However
the way frcigbts had gone tumbling
from the glorious old war days. h
looked for a while as n the govern,
mcnt wouldn't get much In inheri
lance taxes out OF my estate, and as
a business man had to provide for
the future.
As FAR back as 1918. you know.
n my daughter and your wife start
"a putting M "a kick against the
house we live In, She said Il was
too old fashioned and wanted me 10
buy a lot In a more fashionable dis
trict and build on n a house about
as big as the Golden Gate park con,
seryatory and about as useless.
never could see the sense Ia rich
men building big town houses and
then going 10 live In a hotel because
Of trouble with the servants. Nobody
needs more than one bedroom 20
sleep ia. and an extra for visiting
relatives. who ought 20 be discour'
aged anyhow.
Consequently, feeling that sooner
or later Fiorry would win her bet
and force mo out Of the old home
stead. put IN that huge concrete
cellar with tho chrome nickel steel
lining inside and out and tho doors
Of a safe depoait vault Then fillsd
II with the waters OF Joy. not that
expect 10 become a drunknrd IN my
old age just because somebody tells
mo can't drink. but with an eye
10 selling that house at a tremendous
profit.
just before I die I'm going 10
put that house up for sale. cellar
contents and all. Watch me
clean up!
I WISH you would call all Of our
4 employees together and inform
them kindly that N they expect 20
continue on the payroll they must
never submit stomach trouble or
neuralg n as an excuse Tor remain.
ing away from work for a few days
Inform them that the company
doctor will pass on their case first.
and II his diagnosis doesn't agree
with theirs. out they so. With grief
I must record tho fact that bootleg
Scotch Is getting worse. II IL too
new and raw for use on an Indian
reservation.
Impress upon our employees tho
news that it's only half dangerous
after II has been stored for seven or
ciEh, years In chsrrsd oak barrel
which removes from u tho germs OF
alcoholic Eaatritis and alcoholic ncu-
ritis
Folks viii insist on blaming alec.
holic gastritis on homo canned beans
they ate about midnight last night.
and even a doctor has hard job
convincing them that horrible
headache Ia alcoholic neuritis. and
saving them the expense Of having
their teeth N.rayed and their ton
s.lA removed In order 10 cure II.
We must start n campaign OF ed.
uoation. not enforced morality. on
tho public. and We might a. well be
hlEots and start with those we
hold securely under our corporate
thumb and who arc unable TO help
themselves. Many OF tho best minds
agree with mo on this.
Only the other day irwin s. Cobb
was telling me a story that ought
10 be broadcaNted By the Anu.saioon
league. irwin says he was duck
shooting in Louisiana last winter.
and out In the rural districts he no.
ticed that the local brand Of forget.
/ fulncS was known as Paekcnham.
I aiiho nobody knew why. even those
/ who made IL.
However Irwin kept up a diligent
inquiry until eventually he learned
the horrible truth.
II appears that Packenham Is
named after the late Gen. Packcn.
ham. who commanded the British
troops at the battle OF New orleans,
in the war OF 1912. II you remcm.
Der your history. Packonham was
killed in that fateful affray.
Now. Il appears that the general
and hts subordinates decided that Il
came OF fine old Egniish family.
would never do TO plant him In the
country he had failed 10 conquer.
He must be flied with tho rest OF
tho family. In Westminster Abbey.
SO they gathered PAX up off the
field. just as he was. and headed
him up in a hogshead OF rum. the
preserving qualities OF which are
wen known.
Indeed, 7 have seen many
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