The Monmouth inquirer. [volume] (Freehold, N.J.) 1865-1933, 1925-01-15

Dressing the Baby


When a woman goes to work to
dress a 2-year-old child she does it in a
systematic, business-hke manner, and
without any noise or any fuss, and be-
fore you know it the youngster ia slid
out OF her hands with his face washed
and hair combed. his clothing in ship
shape order, anu $40 cnromo unuer
has arm. This all comes from knowing
how. With man, it is different. he
makes elaborate preparations and puts
on the air OF one who is getCing an 81
gun ship ready for a two-years' cruise.
lie collects the Youngsters buds to-
gether in heap, gatnering them up
from pretty mucn ali over The house,
and after a great dealN OF baWling for
this and sharp, Swapping inquiries Tor
that, and an unlimited amount OF get
ting down on his knees ana looking
around under tne furniture, for the
other Gan OF which comes from his
having unaressed the child the night
before, he Ut last SITS resignedly down
in a cAalr, and, with a feeDle attempt
at good-nature, says:
"Come, Freddie, come to papa, and
have you coses on"
The ctfild, VINO is just then travelling
around III his nightuless, and playing
with damp towel aud a stove
wrench, makes bee line 1or the door,
full of desire to escape into. the next
room.
Come, Freddie, come to papa, like
good boy, says the father. like a
brave eiIort at patience.
The child keeps his course.
'.r'red!"
This sounds so much like business
that the yoangster stops, turns, and,
lacking slowly UP to The now stern
browed parent, gradually gets within
reach, wnen sudden grab OF his arm
brings him into position where the
damp towel slaps around on the faith
er's clean shirt1ront, and the stove
wrench pumps solAdly GOWN upon the
very top OF his foot.
Immortal Julius!" he screams in
agony, nursing his foot with one hand
ana shaking the poor innocent with.
the other, whereupon the innocent sets
up an accompanying yell.
A voice from below, whore the wife
and mother is busted with getting
breakfast, joins in the chorus.
"Olmstead MoIleson, what on earth
are you doing to that child2"
'.Oh, you be darned!" goes back his
quick reply. in short, ugly, desperate
groWl that silences all further inquiry.
Then the father. after rubbing his
foot and grooming a while, squares the
child around and begins the process of
dressing him, which is mostly made up
of struggles between clumsy fingers
and smooth porcelain buttons, a gener-
al misplacing Of garments hind-side be-
fore and upside down, searches after
missing articles and talk like the fol-
lowing:
Thunder and lightning! Can't you
let things be2"
"Stop reachingI"
'Hold your head up!"
Cup, say!"
Cant you keep still?"
where's that other shirt?"
''Shut up!"
4 ''Let go!"
"Blast that buttonly
'sNow where in blazes is that pin?"
"Stand upI"
"There! BY thunderI"
why don't you fall down and be
done with it?''
stop your howlingl@
eStopi"
"Ouchl Devil take that pin!"
LET that bel''
Behaved"
"Great scat!''
SAY, why don't you have 1000 or
5000 more buttons ON your, clothes2"
Nov. where's that stocking?"
Keep your foot still"
'Say keep your -foot--stiill's
"By Jove in Jerusalem!"
Gimme the other foot!"
"No, the other!"
Cant you see!"
"Sanctified SolomonI What do you
want to spread your toes all out for?
How do you suppose I'm going to put
your stocking on with your foot in
that shape?p
"Stop It'll"
"Stop it'll"
Stop it, say!"
Prov WOW! e-e-pl Who stuck that
pin in that way? 2"
You, of course" says cold, thin,
cutting voice, and he glances up and
sees his wife looking down on him in
a taunting, exasperating sort of ways
sT'd be ashamed OF myself she con-
tinues. Ito go on in that way and get
so out Of patience with a little bit of
a baby. You've been making noise
enough to wake the dead, and his
clothes look as if they'd been thrown
on with pitchfork. Gimme himl"
Easy for Him.
After purchasing a palatiaI iimou-
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