davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
FOREVER is
TOO LONG
BY John p. Medbury.

y
ITALY has a village which Is
i becoming famous because no.
body, has died there in the last
ten years. All the citizens have
resolved to live forever and 1t
looks like they'll do it because
they've certainly got a good start.
Anybody can live forever, but
It takes time.
The only trouble is you usually
have to wait so long.
The inhabitants Of this town
don't smoke, drink. steal or
quarrel. The King has written
them each a letter asking them
why they want to live.
The name Of the village is
salecchio. 1t probably takes them
seventy five or eighty years to
learn how to pronounce it.
The village has been Tree OF
deaths for so many years that
citizen Is afraid to die for fear Of
giving the town q bad name.
Life in Salecchio is so wonder
full that they're about to be sued
by the Los Angeles Chamber Of
Commerce.
Southern California holds the,
international copyright for good
weather.
|. The deeds to Paradise were
transferred to them by Adam and
I've.
The mayor of Los Angeles sent
the following telegram to the
mayor of Salecchio: Dear sir:
After you have lived forever in
your town, come and spend the
rest Of your life with US.
Salecchio Is such "a healthful
place that the doctor had to
break his own leg to give him
SELF something to do.
The citizens go in for colors,
and II they ever did get sick it
would have to be with Scarlet
fever, Yellow jaundice, Black
diphtheria, or Pink eye.
Last month the doctor got hard
mp for money and had to import
three quarts of measles germs.
He spent four years in medical
college and there's no sense in
making a fool out Of his educa-
tiop.
He charged them five dollars
for making them sick and seven
bucks for curing them.
The people in Salecchio have
all the booze they want, but mo-
body touchesN. 1t. The, breweries
are thinking Of passing a prohibi-
ton law so that the citizens will
start drinking.
The residents have also in
CURED the wrath Of ireland. This
town is such q peaceful city that
they don't use any policemen.
Heaven is supposed to be the
most wonderful place that the
human mind can conceive Of, but
the citizens Of Salecchio are will
ing to live forever in their town
and let the rest Of the world take
the chances.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
RECIPES

How TO make scrambled eggs.
Drill a hole in the egg and insert
q slivver Of dynamite. Place IN
the oven and light.
To attract women patients IL
your dental office: Put out the
following sign, Two teeth pulled
for $3.9S. This offer holds good
for today only. Tomorrow they
are the regular price Of So each.
How to. take your wife,s mind
off your activities: Get her to
plan new dress.
AOvERrIsEMEMT q.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
SOME THINK

That a two-barreI gun WIN shoot
twice as far.
That . wave length ii . hair
dresser's term.
That you get filet de sole In
shoemaker's shop.
THAT Vermoutll was grea
Austrian statesman.
That all detectives wear rubber i
sneakers and carry magnifying
glasses. s
That q wife has to be generous
to give her husband q piece u
That q person has heart disease
because he has been in love too
much.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
GRINS AND
GROWLS
BY Isle Bell.

WHEN . girl drops q light1d
" cigarette down inside tho
front OF her dress. she decides that
she would be more comfortabls Il
she save up smoking.
Physician says that 70 naRRinr
wife prolones her husband.a Iife
No doubt she does IL Intentionally.
Skirts and kisses differ from
bobbed hair because they never,
reach an awkward length.
Some young men are ambitious
--so they so home early. Other
50 they stay late.
The Chinanaan came hofne with
out his queue.
Alice sanee boyish bob" he
explained. III.
Telling on Mother. sE
Ny mannma's eyes are bright as
stars,
she buys the stun IN four-ounSe
lars.
My mammals cheeks are soft and
pink;
From nature. yesf ! DO not think
Men used to catch women with
their bare hands. Now women
catch men with their bare slaoul
ders.
No matter how thin d mans
hair becomes, he stiIl thinks he
has It. -.
wouldn't It Be restfuI, once ia
= while. not to have to think of
any word with any nu1nbar Of b
letters meaning anything,
We can't understands Why Their
movie producers haven't filmed a
geometry yet. It ought to appeai
to them: It's % full Of trianglos.,
Abraham left the city. Of uf,
and now the crossword puzxlers ]
are daily coming back to IL So
Surgeon operates on q boys
head to correct his behavior. The
old-fashipned way used to be tor
operate In the other direction.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
COUNT TEN
B Eff OR E

Forgetting to feed the gold fish
while your .wife's away.
Sending a scarecrows suit to
the dry cleaners.
Discussing the high cost. of liv-
ing while smoking a pipe in
wind storm on a kerosene can.
Answering an anonymous letter
Promising to keep your girls
parrot for her while she's away
on a visit.
Buying valuable bow tie for
your uncle who has q long beard.
Asking a doctor to "stra1ghten
you out"
Using Turkish towel on a
canary.
Asking your best friend if he
viii look after your girl while
you are out Of town.
Trying to catch a fly with a
butterfly net.
Playing poker IN lions cage.
Wearing the necktie the hostess
gave you when you masquerade
rs a hobo.
Bringing home your bachelor
friend, who is going to be married
the, next week, the night your
mother.in-law has come for a visit,
the cook has left and the baby is
teething.
Singing the baby to sleep. 1t
might wake the other babies in
that section OF town.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Skirts and kisses differ from
bobbed hair because they never,
reach an awkward length. 81
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Some young men are ambitious
$50 they 70 home early. Other
young men are more ambitious
50 they stay late.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
KEEP LOOKING YOUNG
It's Easy-H You Know Dr..
Edwards Olive Tablets.

The secret Of keeping young IL y
feel young-to do this you must watch
your liver and bowels-there's no need
Of having . sallow complexion-daEk .
rings under your eyes-pimples-a BILL
ious look In your facs-duil eyes with
no sparkle. Your doctor will tell You
ninety per cent of all sickness comes
fronr~ inactive bowels and liver. Il
DIR. Edwards, . well-known physician
in Ohio, perfected = vegetable cong1
pound mixed with olive oil to act on q
the liver and bowels, which he gave
to his patients for years. 44!s
Dr. EdWagds' Olive Tablets. the sub
atitute for calOmel, are gentle in their
action yet a1ways effective. They bring
about that natural buoyaucy which ait :
should enjoy By toning up the LIVED
DR.. Edwards Olive Tablets are know
by their olive color. $50 and see
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

The Chinaraan came home with
out his queue.
Alice saInee boyish bob" he
explained. 81
The Washington times., 1925-03-28
az Edts0rksf
OLIVE
NbLeta
A Raw, Sore Throat
Eases Quickly When Yea
AppEy a Little Mustesole
10bleta

And Muatefole won'6 blister like the
old-fashion0d mustard plaster. just
spread It on with your fingera.A 1F
penetrates 70 the sore spot with Z Gdil4
tie tlngls, loosens the congestion AID
draws out the soreness and pain.
Musterole 10 . clean. white ointment
made with oil Of mustard. It 10 fine
for quick relief from sore tnroae. bron
chitts. tonsilitis. Group. stiff neck.
asthma. neuralgia. headache. congestion
pIeurisy rneumatsm' I1mDaSo' .Rsasn s
sprains, sore muscles. bruises, chilblains.
frosted feet, colds on the chest. Ksev.
It handy for instant use. @
To Mothers: Musterole 10 also
made in milder form for
babies and small children.
Ask for ChiIdren's Musterole
35c and 65c, jars and tubes: hos-'
initial Sizas ~ IN
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Men used 20 catch women with
their bare hands. Now women
catch men with their bare slloul-
ders.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

No matter how thin d mans
hair becomes, he stiIl thinks he
has It. 81
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

We can't understand why there
movie producers haven't filmed d
geometry yst. It ought to appeal
to them: It's % full Of trianglos.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Physician says that . nagging
wife proiongs her husband'A life.
No doubt she does IL Intentionally.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Abraham left the city Of Uf.
and now the crossword puzzlerss
are daily coming back to ii 80
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Wouldn't It Be restfuI, once ia
q whf1a not TO have to think of (
any word with any number Of !
letters meaning anything,
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Wearing the necktie the hostess
gave you when you masquerade
rs hobo.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Singing the baby to sleep. 1t
might wake the other babies in
that section of town.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Telling on Mother. ~
Ny marnma's eyes are bright az
stars,
She buys the stuff IN four-ounSe
lars -
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

The citizens go in for colors,
and IL they ever did get sick it
would have to be with Scarlet
fever, Yellow jaundice, Black
diphtheria, or Pink eye.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Last month the doctor got hard
mp for money and had to import
three quarts of measles germs.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Surgeon operates on q boys
head to correct his behavior. The
old-fashipned way used to be tor
operate In the other direction.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

He spent four years in medical
college and there's. no sense in
making a fool out OF his educa-
ton.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

lie charged them five dollars
for making them sick and seven
bucks for curing them.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

pink;
From nature, yes7 do not think
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

The residents have also in
CURED the wrath Of Ireland. This
town is such q peaceful city that
they don't use any policemen.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Salecchio is such a healthful
place that the doctor had to
break his own leg to give him
self something to do.
The Washington times., 1925-03-28

Answering an anonymous letter
Promising to keep your girls
parrot for her while she's away
on a visit.
New Britain herald., 1925-04-01

How mothers know the conditions that surround the milk they feed their babies and family before delivered in bottle their doorstep? Too many take the fact k and comes in bottles" for granted
 You want milk that wholesome milk that will make the young s strong and healthy and be paaabe by the gownuptha the why United Milk should be used in your home always
 Step behind the of the New Home of United Milk Company which today for few minutes and be enlightened Modern conditions existing in this institution
 The first thing that will strike you the cleanliness the facilities used preparing your milk for delivery.
 Modern equipment pur bottles and caps the milk human hands do not touch it. This preparing delivery guards against germs that children well adults Pasteurizng plant nteres ting operation Hundreds of of milk are held glass lined tanks at 15 degrees fahrenheit for thirty mlnuesced to 2 degrees automatic refrigerator and by newly patented machine into bottles that erze under ay conditions PasteuzaioA all sediment from the milk All dust particles and other foreign matt that milk posed Of leaving only the milk for which this famous
New Britain herald., 1925-04-01
Inspection Week in Our
 New Home Souvenirs Will Be Given to All Who Attend

You cordially invited this week. Our entire organization will your disposal conduct you through of Con- neccuts finest Dairy farms One that has reputation of 10 years ice in supplying New Britain with high grade Milk and butter
New Britain herald., 1925-04-01

{ ts.-s ,.,. ] " a.s -,.~r".
 ..a:...- ..::.a .....
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
Announce Catholic
Holy Week Service

Complete Holy Week services VIII
he hold in So, james cathedral this
week. beginning Sunday ssrvires
will DC under Tho direction or n
Rev Bishop o'ura lie viii lo as.
sisted on Thursday and Friday by
the very Rev Norbert G. Hotf. ~
D.. president ~ Mount saint Charles
college Helena. Montana
The complete program of tho Holy
Week services - aa foliowz
SUNDAY. = a IN. ~tgieasinK ana dis.
irib1tion ~ The palms with chants
b. clergy AMI cathedral choir
Wednesday. Thursday ard Friday
~ o Solemn office or tho
Trnrhrar.
Thursday. Sis . ms-~Cersmpny of
tho blessing of the Holy oils, pro.
csBaiou Of tho Blessed Sacrament TO
the Repository.
Good Friday. s.is a IA tiasH Of
the PTsaRnrtifled and Good Friday
ceremony and chanting Three houra'
agony from noon To p. m.
Saturday. y m-~Anricnt rites
% The blessing the usw fire. sNultat /,
prophecies. blessing Of the baptiamai
font snd solemn high mass.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04

DEATlI awaits soycarold Ralffa
~ BogonoyaskaS at Providence
hospital. or tho dire fnto or exile 20
the orient away from her dancc, for
whom she has waited five years,
Refused entrance 10 tho United
States and threatened with Danish
mcut back 60 tho confusion ~ tho
Orient the pretty Russian stenogp.
pher Thursday night swallowed four
hichlorido ot mercury tablets, she
was found suffering In the ward by
the night nurse, Mrs. Dorothy Car
Ncr.
Physicians at Providence hospital
say Il requires seven to 10 days for
tho deadly poison 60 do It's work
Her chances OF lifo are exceedingly
slim. but. II she should Win thru. shc
fate that prompted the deed sull
faces hor.
After five years OF suffering, tho
girl saved passage money from tho
East To the United States 20 Join
her lover. George Binofeey, OF san
Francisco, She sought Admission
as student
immigration authorities learned
sho intended 70 marry Binotcev and
become a permanent resident The
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
HERE'S MORE ABOUT
JAIL RIOT
STARTS ON PAGE /

woman about p. m. Friday
She said thoy we're for l. s Brock.
way confessed smbczzlcr who Is a
cellmAta OF johnson. Brockway Is
declared innocent az any completely
by starwich who believes that a gang
Of Chicago underworld characters has
been ordered TO Seattle 70 effect the
escape Of johnson and his co-defcnd.
ants as payment for n big favor
Johnson rs said 10 have done their
gang several years ago.
starwlch "a permitted TO keep pris.
oners In solitary for 20 days for In.
subordlnatlon. Saturday he ordered
the stove aud electric light extension
cords removed from tank No. 2 where
the rioting occurred during several
nights recently and ordered Iailers TO
keep the fire hose handy in cnso Of
n repetition Of the offonsc.
Johnson. Baglcy and Stone were
arrested here shortly after tho S42,.
600 bank robbery last December II
WINS daylight holdup.
Ross c. Watson. former city de
tective. another defendant. waived
extradition and Is in tho PROVING,
awaiting trial Another suspect,
Clarence H. shively. cx.policeman
recently began a 2.year sentence al
Mcneil island federal penltentlary
for Volstead act violation.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
PALM SERVICES FIGHTS STATUTE
Attorney Attacks Method OF
Criminal Procedure

Declaring that "thc legislature
has empowered juries TO iuggls with
the constitutional rights Of n person
charged with crime" Attorney r.
+ kisns,ra Saturday appealed 10
tho supreme court and blocked pro.
ceedinEa In superior court by which
Edward stevens. acquitted OF FIRST
degree forgery January 2s. would
have been sentenced to tho criminal
lnsane ward at waila walla state
prison BY Judge Charles Paul.
Stevens defense was that he was
mentally irresponsible AZ the time OF
the forgery. but was sane when
tried. Thc jury. under 1907 law
which Attorney r, r. Kicustra is
attacking. acquitted him but brought
in . special finding Of insanity.
III insane" Attorney Kicnstra
asserts in hts appeal, "a person
could not defend himSslf from q
criminal charge: II presenting an
insanity plea Tor defense he should
be tried on his sanity and not on
the criminal charge" Fellow attor-
neys declared Attorney klenstra's
fight raises new point In the
state law.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
STOPS PAINTING
Jazz Girl Slayer Checks
Swoonlng in Court

san FRANCISCO. April "A
weekend IN which 10 hope tina,
her attorneys meet dorca, IN their
efforts 10 prove her insane. today
lay ahead Of Dorothy Eliingson.
jazz girl matrlclde.
For one week the Chinatown rcd
head" has heard her counsel argue
that she is mentally unbalanced,
During tho entire time ahs has
shown them little bat luminosity.
Dorothy does not want 10 10
judged innne. To her lawyers and
relatives sho repeats.
I'm no, nut. Why can't ~
cali Off this insanity thing and
ago ahead with tho murder trial.
I want 10 get II over with. bat I'm
not crazy"
The giri rested well last night
tn her InFlssids Jail cell. mntrun-
reported She has grown stronger
thru the week and yesterday smiled
al tho prosecution
whenever an allcnist. testlfyine
again&, her mentality. was tripped
in cross-cxaminatlou
Dorothy's fainting spells. for the
time at least. have been checked.
They strengthened tho defense in.
sanity plea 80 that the girl deter,
mined TO halt them
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
HERE'S MORE ABOUT
STIMSON
STARTS ON PAGE 1

cafe just before entering Mlg,
Whites car, was claimed by Deputy
Prosecuting Attorney Ralph Ham.
mer. when he filed the charge of
driving while drunk against tho
wealthy youth.
Stlmson, 1t was learned, had been
driving Miss Whites car to various
road houses and other places, In
company with the young woman.
for several days. With her permits.
sion. he claimed.
1T Is nm interruption Of n glorl.
Gus party" the young woman said,
when interviewed after the accl.
dent.
Attorney Campbell Saturday ro-
fused to discuss the $4,000 dam.
age suit.
Fred Is willing TO face the music
on the driving while drunk charge, -
he said. but we do not intend tina.
he shall be victimized by unscrupu
lous persons, II any such an attempt
In made"
Following tho accident, when slim
son crashed into another car, he wnf
arrested on charge Of reckless
driving and on drunkenness charge
Ife posted bail OF $3.50, which prob
ably viii be forfeited. but he will face
trial on the driving while drunk
' aottuf
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
Main Street

Gene G. Gould, banker. sailing
before d stiff brreze ~ sscond
ave. Frank Hunter, insurance,
working his way north on
Third ave, II. y. Heed, horticul,
uurist. enjoying the scenery
along Marion d. Thrond y.
BugEc, reuiior. entering tho
Empire building. hob Heshetli.
councilman. getting 70 work at
a late union hour W. ID. Win.
gate. lawyer. Ecufrying thru the
tho oounty-city building W. ID.
Freeman. purchasing agent. en-
Joylng the show al the council
chamber. Loyal Partridge, mcr-
chant. waiting Oh traffic ut
Third and Columbia &. o.
Myers, telephone man. leaving
the telephone building on Third
ave- Robert Akin. rcaltor. dis.
GUESSING city manager plan. on
James II. o. II. Wolf. restau.
rant man, greeting customers
on Fourth ave.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04

Note: Send e5c for my new L.
Illustrated book. entitled, "Stop Asth-
ma, Hay Fever and Catarrh." IL
will give you correct understand
Ing of these terrible Affections.
PLEASE NOTE: Bake
Oven Treatments are not
given for Asthma. All
Asthma patients are given
DR.. Loughney's special treat
ments, and by DR.. Loughney
only.
NorE--DO NOT LET SNOW OR rHE
sENEKEsT WEATHER lNTEkfEkE
NTH YOUR BEING BAKED. Our cold
or bronchitis or rheumatic cases need
not fear catching cold after bakes. They
ar, prepared after their bakes TO resist
the severcst storms, Ind we are having
no complaints OF patients catching cold
whatsoever.
pr. Loughncy's Human Bake oven re-
moves SPINAL IRRITATION; pain in
back of head; pulling of cords In neck
some troubles with eyes; pain hetwer"
shoulders or In other parts of spine, =
burning, aching, tenderness or sorcnI
br0nchitisI lamencss of fingers or fctS.
dropsy or tingilng like prlclinE Of plnsi
peculiar, almost indcscribable pains or
distress In heart. stomach, kidneys or
other parts Of chest or abdomen; back
ache, sciatica, rheumatism; chronic con-
stinntiou and all stomach disorders.
NUrE-Dr. I.oughncy's offices are To-
Gated Mt tho corner OF Fifth and Union,
IN the Crazy Bldg, Rooms Sio-5il-3ls-
SiS-sit.
Dr. Loughncy IL assisted by competent
lady nurses. Hours. u. m. to y. IN.
sundays, o To IL only. Telephone EL lott
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
SEE POLITICS IN
TRAFFIC POST
Newly Proposed Captaincy
May Not Go to Fuqua
CoMSToCK is FAVORED
Civic Organizations Want
Fuqua Promoted, Report

The powerful hand Of politics &C
eording 10 gossip at the police sta
ton and city hall Saturday was
playing an important role in tho
proposal now before tho city eoun-
ell to appoint tho head OF tho
traffic division 10 q capininey,
Sergt. Frank 4, Fuuua. present
chief Of the traffic bureau, Is seek
ing TO he named a captain, with q
salary OF 1856 month, But the
civil service commission Is said 20
favor the appointment OF Lieut.
George IL, Comstock 10 tho position,
ComstOck is head OF the special de-
tail. which comprises the dope,
liquor and morals squads He re-
ports 10 Doc Brown,
According TO Police Chief w. Il.
SeverynS Comstock does not want
60 take command OF the traffic
bureau, but does want his captains
rating. According TO the gossip, II
the proposal 70 create captain TO
head the traffic squad is passed.
Comstoek and not Fuaua will bc the
man selected.
Several OF Seattle's strongest and
most influential civic, fratcrnN and
business organizations are backing
sergt. Fuaua. and much pressure
win be brought 10 bear In his
favor. II is believed. An ordinance
was passed about year ago giving
the traffic department a government
OF its own. under Fuqua. and max
ing him independent Of the admin
is,ratlon, and mot removable except
for cause"
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
Seattle Churches Observe
TriumphaI Entry Day

Observance OF chrlsrH trsumphai
entry into tie Holy City prior 10 hls
Cruclfixlon win be made Ia the form
~ musin and service IN all Seattle
church tomorrow. Palm Sunday.
Special Palm Sunday services in
tho form ot choral selections viii be
hcld az So Marks church. Trinity
Parish church and the Pilgrim Con.
greEationai church in tho evening.
Morning services. observing tho re.
llFtous anniversary. viii be held in
practically every scatiir place Of
worship ST, narnaba's chapel, the
First Methodist Protestant church.
Christ church and st. James caihe-
dral arc among those announcing
such services.
The Seattle star. [volume] (Seattle, Wash.) 1899-1947, 1925-04-04
Chamber World Map
to Show Port Ships

4 huge map ~ the world = being
painted on Tho first floor Of the
Chamber Of Commerce building
when lt's finished small ship models
win be pinned upon II. They will
show the location Of every ship sail.
ing on, OF or into Seattle Tho posi-.
tons viii DO changed daily 10 con.
form with wireless reports It's ex.
pectcd that the map and It's interest.
ing news viii bo a drawing card for
citizens and tourists. Chamber Of.
fioials expect 20 have II ready By tho
middle OF next week.