davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
FactsondFancies
BY ROBERT CULLEN

Brief summary of International re-
lations, 19IS-1925: Pal. pax, pay.
Home Sweet Home" is touching,
but there should be one verse about
the garage.
The picnic seaosn is over now, ca
cept for the chap who Is wizard
at end runs.
A single man is known by the
company he keeps; q married man
by the pants he keeps.
A loval American is one who gets
mad when an alien cusses the insti-
tuition he cusseS.
Well. What n Wales doesn't
marry? A travelling man has very
little home life, anyway,
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

The report was made that one
family out OF every l?5 in Hartford
is receiving aid from a charitable
organization. The average seems TO
be excessive and is hard to believe.
especially in a city of which boasts
have been made regarding Its per
capita wealth. Before accepting such
a report confirmation would be in
order.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
THE GREAT REPORTING
on WORLD SERIES

The world series this year vas
more ably reported and more ex-
tensively broadcasted than In any
preyIous auiumnal contest, The As
ISOLATED Press had Simultaneous re-
ports Of the game circulating over
81. 900 miles OF wire, the wired
words OF the man In the press box
in washington or Pittsburgh In
simultaneously going Into every news
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
What this country needs most is
more wreck-le drivers

Admiral Sims. who "scourged"
navy chiefs, said all he had to say
in one say, as usual. There may be
sone navy chiefs who by this time
are of the opinion that retired ad-
mirals are notas retired" as they
used to be.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

We are a hard hearted people, and
bald man secretly rejoices that
anothcrs is getting thin.
It isn't n city" until 1t quits be-
ing proud OF the number Of cars in
town on Saturday.
One explanation OF New York's
possession Of the most brilliant
minds is the law OF averages.
Among those spurred on by adver-
sity is the stork. Chicago has pass
ed the three million mark.
Still. with ali its faults Prohibition
doesn't seem to affect those who
really wish 20 remain sober.
Hint TO shops: Happy folk buy
more. Have scales in your shop that
weigh ten pounds light
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
GS&S
MxS0N ExKAll Jtunl
UxSoNhxK4uNpnl

Send all communications TO EuD
Shop Editor, care OF the New
Britain Herald, and your letter
will be forwarded to New York.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

She lest moved in next door TO me
O | love her to beet tho band
fletcher:
"Ileers a hard one for YOU, Jim
nv, Give me the verbs lesson and
hermit in one sentence
Jim Jamm:
"Un-lssen you go to the circus
You wont see a site TO compare
To my grandmother on my fathers
side
That's hermit the wife hobbed
hair"
-Bernce II.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
Member Audit Burenu OF Circulation.

Member Audit Burenu OF Circulation.
The A. n. c. is national organzat
which furnishes newspapers and adVsr-
tisets with a strictly honest analysis OF
circulation. Our circulation statistics
are based upon this audit. This insures
protection against fraud IN newspaper
distribution figures to both national and
local advertisers.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
An Argument for Preparedness

MI NTAUHINHN tut IT F7'"'
First drug store cowboy: Great
Scott! What in the dickens hap
pened to you. old man? You look
like you've been In fight. Your
eyes are black, your nose is broken,
three OF your front teeth are miss
ing, your clothes are all torn and
your face is scratched Who did
you have a fight with?"
Second drug store cowboy: mo
fight, Jack, but It was the darQdest
petting party ! vas ever in"
jefferson Banks.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
Answered

The speaker; Man mas explored
everywhere. Can anyone name one
place where the foot Of man has
never trod?"
Voice from rear: THE ceiling!"
Copyright, 1925, Reproduction
Forbidden
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

1t was In our physiology class.
Children" asked Miss X.
what are the five senses"
"Nickels," said one bright lad.
George Major.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

My greatest ambition in life Is
to write Jokes as clever as the
Jokes my friends think are clever
that are written by someone else.
Ernest Maun,
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

The Herald IA on saIs daily in New
York at Hotaling's Newsstand Times
square; schultzs EeEsstands. Entrance
Grand Central. 42nd Street.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
TELEPHONE CALLS
Business Office go. s.s
Editorial Rooms 49,. Qa6

The only profitable advertising medium
IN tho City. Circulation books and
prsss room always open to advertisers.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

Better at the Outside Work, Folks
The football heros back again
His strength Is as the strength OF
ten
He shines upon the field, but folks,
In class his answers read like
jokes!
A Real Comeback
Vincent: You got too much
paint on"
Helen: You've got too much
pants on"
--Heartrouble.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
In Klass at Krazy Kollege
Conducted by Gertrude)

Teacher:
"Mr. Schley, you may furnish
sentence containing the word
'Pickaninny.'
B. Moore Schley:
Il may not be so smart"
Said smiling little Minnie,
but II l ever pick man
"I'll necer pickaninny."
Teacher:
"Mr. sumo, you may enter q con-
tribution containing the word
Compete"
Marion Sune:
Pete and | are rivals
For the hand OF Nellie Hill,
You may come tonight. said she,
II you don't compete will"
-ARoy Bunten.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

4 censorship may be good or bad.
btu what a man without childreh
thinks OF 1t doesn't matter much.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
Some Pusllcr

Bert: Il always knew that II he
ever got a chance Tom would
make q star football player"
Hapon: II thought SO, too, be-
cause he was always able to get a
seat In a street car during the rush
hours"
Doris Gutenberg.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

HERALD PUBLISHING COMPANY

Issued Daily tsunday EIeeptedl
At Herald BIDS. 81 Church Street.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

A herman Is one who shares un-
necessarily to get an abb for pow
dering.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

Proof readers are those quiet, OBJ
scure men who punctuate for great
authors.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
In Kla,, at Krary Riddle KoIIege

In Elsss at KraIy Kiddie Koilege
Conducted by Gertrude, Jr)
fletcher:
The .werd horizon, Ernest"
Ernest Worker:
Her nose and her mouth are
lovely.
HeriEen her teeth are Grand,
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

SUBSCRIPTION RATES
t.eo a Tear.
1900 Three Months,
Use. q Month.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

Entered AZ the Post orice At New Britain
a. Second Class Mall Matter.
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16

Prosperous times. Those In which
you pay installments on ten things
instead OF one.
When you deduct the winter saw
ing on gasoline, the cost OF coal
doesn't seem so great.
The "obey' Is about gone from
the marriage ceremony, and now
they're trying to take 1t out OF Fed
eral appointments.
Correct this sentence: II didn't
claim kin with him when he was
poor" said the man, land l won't
now that he's rich"
protected by Associated Editors,
Inc.)
New Britain herald. [microfilm reel] (New Britain, Conn.) 1890-1976, 1925-10-16
A Humorist's Ambition

Doris Gutenberg.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
COLLEGE PROBE
STARTS MONDAY
Communist Activity and Vio-
lation Of Dry Laws Gets
Into Court.

COLUMBUS. o., Dec. 11.-Onicial
action on the charges of Commun-
ist activity among the instructors
and the fouting Of the liquor laws
by students and the faculty of the
Ohio Stae University, starts next
Monday.
Dabney Horton, part time in
structor Of English and alleged par
lor Communist. will be tried in Il
Justice Court on charges of c
session and manufacture of liquor.
The University Board of T-us-
tees officially received a letter from
Gov Donahey asking that general
investigation Of liquor drinking in
fraternity and sorority boarding
houses, and possible adherence to
Communistic views by faculty men,
bers be conducted
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
INVESTIGATE
COAST GUARD
Reported Captains Of Rum
Chasers Are in Pay of
Liquor Smugglers.

SAN FRANCISCO, Dec. 11.-Cor-
ruption and bribery charges against
the Coast Guard in this region is
reported to be closely investigated
by Capt. w. c. Jacobs, District Su-
oerintendent.
Il am basing my Investigations
on reports that rum runners have
landed cargoes at places suppos I'd
to be watched by Coast Guard ves-
sels," Capt. Jacobs said.
Capt. Jacobs is reported as say
ing that reports have been received
by him that Captains Of II out
Of the II Coast Guard boats arc in
the pay of liquor smugglers and an
elaborate semaphore signal system
has been contrived whereby yes-
sells are directed to leave certain
points and give the smugglers full
sway. The wharf at Halfmoon Bay
south OF here, is reported favorite
landing place.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Tipping a Crime in Russia
But Continues Nevertheless

Despite warnings however. tour.
lists soon find hotel employees, wait.
ers and public servants show a sur.
prising readiness to accept tips,
particularly II no one Is looking.
AS the Bolsheviks regard tipping
as a species Of bribery" so they
regard the white apron. laundered
shirt and stiff collar usually worn
by walters as "degrading." There.
fore, in order to give complete
equality" to this class of workers
they have ordered them to wear
natty blue blouses, with army style
collar and no tie.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
EXPANSION OF
ALASKA indian
WORK IS URGED
Commissioner Tigert Says
Present Service Should
Be Extended.

WASHINGTON, Dec. 11.-Enlarge
the Bureau of Education is highly
essential il sound educational
method and policy is to be formu
ated, John ]. Tigert, Commissioner
If Education, declared in his an
lual report.
He asserted that those responsible,
or school administration in th
United States ARE in great need OF
assistance in certain important
ields," and that mo other agency
can render such impartial and sat.
sfactory assistance in the discovery
II the necessary facts as a federal
igency in education, such as the
bureau"
AT the present time" he said.
adequate provision is directly need
ed for study in the fields of curri.
culum organization, school finance
buildings and construction, teach.
er training, and secondary educa.
ton"
Expansion of the Bureaus work in
Alaska also was urged on the
ground that its service there. at
present is available to less than
half the native population. The
need for extended medical assist
ance there was declared to be pc
culiarly great"
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
BOOZE BLAMED
IN CRIME WAVE
Assistant Secretary Of Treas
ury Andrews Gives Talk
on Enforcement.

PITTSBURGH, Dec. 1.-THE Grim
inal is making "a monkey out OF
the policeman declared Gen Lin
coin c. Andrews, assistant secretary
of the treasury. in an address before
law enforcement rally here, in
which he appealed to the citizens OF
the United States to work for the
restoration Of respect for federal
law. A renewed respect for law, he
said, will result in law observance.
Last spring General Andrews as
serted, he reluctantly assumed the
office Of assistant secretary in charge
of prohibition enforcement, because
he was convinced the conditions
of lawlessness demanded earnest
consideration. He declared that to
the normal evils of after-war con
ditions were added those resulting
from prohibition laws, the most dan
gerous of which is the outlaw boot
leg industry
Patronage of this industry" he
said, sis resulting in the enrich.
ment of a dangerous criminal class
and the corruption of the agents of
the government, local, state and
federal"
The chief Of the United States
secret service, was quoted by Gen
eral Andrews as saying that crimi-
nails today feel that federal laws
can be violated as freely as any
other.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Death STRIKES
MANY OFF u. S.
PENSION ROLLS
Decrease Is Noted by Com
missioner Scott=Total
Payments Decrease.

WASHINGTON, Dec. Il. - The
governments pension rolls showed
decrease last year of 1902, Sec
retary Work was informed in the
annual report made public by Win
field Scott, Commissioner of Pen
sions. A total of 512,537 was en-.
rolled as pensioners on June 80
last.
The loss during the year was the
result of the death of 46,646 pen
sioners which was largely offset by
the additions of 1854. to the rolls.
Although the war of 1872 was
brought to close 40 years ago.
the names of 21 widows of soldiers
who served in that war were on the
pension lists at the close of this
year.
The total payments for pensions
decreased from $229,994,777 in 1924
to $217. 7.150.612.
The Commissioner estimated that
a few of the soldiers who served
in the Civil War would still be draw
ing pensions in 1850, basing his es-
innate on the fact that one Revo-
lutionary War soldier lived SO years
after the close of the war, and one
survivor of the War of 1912 lived
80 years after the close of that con-
flict.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Woman Prospector
Reports Robbery

VANCOUVER, B. c., Dec. II. -
After returning from Northern Brit
ish Columbia where she climbed
mountains and glaciers to 5000 foot
levels and staked silver and lead
claims, worth thousands, Mrs. Della
Stevens told the police that several
pounds of rocks in her possession
and papers for her claims adjoining
the mines Of the Porter-Idaho, In the
Portland Canal District, were stolen
from her hotel room yesterday. She
came to Vancouver to obtain funds
for the working OF her properties.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Up-to-date Moonshiner's
Outfit Is Found in Raid

TACOMA. Wash, Dec 11.--Fed-
eral Prohibition agents raided Bald
Hills, in Thurston Coutny. last night
A still was found and in it 200
pounds of dynamite. The officers
severed the wires leading to the
explosives and prevented blast
Another still with a capacity CT 800
gallons was found in operation and
5000 gallons of mash were also
found. A radio aerial and receiv-
ing apparatus was near the large
still but the operators had escared
when the drys made the raid.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
AU-AlaSka Chamber
OF Commerce Is
Discussed Today

SEATTLE, Dec. 1.-THE eight
Alaska delegates attending the mid.
year meeting OF the Western Divi-
sion OF the United States Chamber
OF Commerce, attended luncheon
at the Arctic Club today and dis
cussed the formation Of an All-Alas-
Ka Chamber OF Commerce
George d. Schofield, of Nome, de.
clared that Alaska's voice Is weak
in Congress because the Delegate Is
voteless. Schofield said in view Of
this fact, Alaska must appeal to the
businessmen Of the states when her
interests are jeopardized He laud-
ed the Seattle Chamber Of Commerce
for consistently pressing everything
for Alaskas progress.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Modern Robber Faces Quicker
arrest Than Old-Time Bandit

LOS ANGELES. Dec. 11.-Mount-
ed, sombrero-clad robbers of the
early days, who attacked stage
coaches as they rumbled over rough
trails, had slight advantage over
the present-day bandit in so far
as escape was concerned, but once
caught, justice descended more
swiftly.
In making comparison Of the
strokes of justice leveled at mail
robbers in the frontier period with
those Of today, local police and
postal inspectors reached this deci.
sion. The officers had just cap
tured six members of a gang that
had just executed a bold half-mil
lion dollar hold-up Of mail truck
in October.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Fifty-three Miners
Killed, Gas Explosion

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. Dec. 11.-Fir-
ty-three coal mi,lars lost their lives
in gas explosion late yesterday
afternoon in the Alabama Fuel and
Iron Company's mine, IL miles south
of here Fifteen men escaped in
jury and five miners are in hospi-
tails in serious condition.
The mine is known at Slope
with single entry having rooms
and pillars of hard sandstone. The
roof Of the mine was filled with
gas.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
farm CONDITIONS
U N SAT|SF FACTORY
SAYS SECRETARY!
Agric u itural Department
Heads Notes, However,
General Improvement.
EXODUS FROM RURAL
DISTRICTS CHECKED
Prices Continue to Fluctuate
for Products-Economic
Position Better.

WASHINGTON, Dec II. An
overhauling of agricultural freight
rates, revision of farm taxes, gov
ernment encouragement to coopera-
tive farm organizations, and proper
utilization of the public domain for
agricultural purposes were the out
standing recommendations made by
Secretary Jardine of the Agriculture
Department in his annual report.
The secretary said that while
there has been a general improve
ment during the past year, farm con-
ditions are not yet satisfactory
Declaring for a general overhaul
ing Of all freight rates, he proposed
that revision should take into ac-
count the market value of farm
products as reflected over reas-
enable period of years, and like
wise the influence of freight rates
on the economic development of diff
ferent regions and of the country
as a whole"
I'm relation to pre-war conditions" :"
said the report, "the prices of farm
products are not yet on a par with
freight rates. The level of farm
commodity prices in September was
144 per cent Of the pre-war averages
whereas freight rates on agricul
tural commodities were 1853 percent
of the prewar average Moreover
the prices of agricultural products
fluctuate greatly from year to year
whereas freight rates are stable and
are not frequently changed"
1t was added that farm freight
rates should be based on a contin
uing set of general conditions, not
on those of any given year. unless
freight rates can be made for flex-
ible, being raised when prices are
high and lowered when they decline,
within reasonable limits"
Says Farm Taxes Increase.
Pointing to the greatly increased
taxes per acre the farmer is re-
quired to pay now over the amount
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
IS AMERICANS
UNDER BULLETS

PEKING. Dec. I. - Four miles
beyond the lines of Yangstun Ling's
troops fred on an international
train which left here yesterday with
Is American passengers aboard. Am
erican infantry rushed to the scene
and brought the passengers back
and hired automobiles by which
they proceed to Tientsin Ling ex-
planned he feared the train was one
of Fengs armored trains opproach-
ing under cover of foreign flags.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11

When captured. the old robber
usually was hanged to the nearest
tree, while the modern outlaw is
indicted, arraigned. has legal counsel
for protection at the trial. and does
not fear the gallows, unless q MUIR
der has been committed in connec-
ton with the hold-up.
Pursuit Of the old stage robber
began several hours after the hold
up by hastily recruited posse, with
but a vague idea of the criminals
identity. Today. a finger print on
a rifled mail bag may lead to the
capture of an entire gang. Photo
graphy, telephone, radio, complete
criminal record bureaus and many
other attributes now hasten the cap.
lture OF the robbers.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11

MOSCOW, Dec. 11.-Tipping in
fense.
Soviet Russia is punishable Of
The few Americans who have found
their way to this revolutionary land
have been astonished to find that
the Bolsheviks look upon any kind
OF gratuity as "bribe."
One of the most frequent signs
in the Moscow restaurants is, Don't
degrade your fellow man by offering
him a tip; tipping is a form Of brib.
cry" Another is. "A bribe is pun
ishable as a criminal offense; there
fore don't attempt to give tips"
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Escapes Deportation
AT the Eleventh Hour

PORTLAND, Ore, Dec. lit is
reported that Dave Lightner, form
er Portland resident who served
three years at Mcneil Island, con-
victed on narcotic charge, follow
ing his capture in China, has escaped
to Rumania as he was
about to be placed aboard a vessel
at New York. Judge Land decided
Lightner had entered the United
States regularly.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Da,Ues Enjoys
attack on Him
By Harrison

WASHINGTON, Dec. II. - Vice
President Dawes said: II enjoyed
the satirical attack made yesterday
afternoon by Senator Pat Harrison,
very much. His address was one
lof good humor and as far as
know. good taste
The Senate and galleries broke
the sedate Senate rules by churkling
and loud laughs. Dawes did not rap
! for order.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Alaskan Expresses Purest
Motives, Adoption Of Girl

SEATTLE, Dec. 11.-Jack McCord
Alaskan oil promoter, is enroute to
Missoula, Montana, to confer with
the parents of little Victoria Des-
said
Before God, my motives are of
the purest. My love for little Vic.
toria is the most wonderful thing
that has come into my life, and
most uplifting"
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Fix Date for Limiting
Introduction of Bills

OLYMPIA, Wash, Dec. 10.-The
Senate has fixed next Wednesday
as the last day for the introduction
of bills without consent of two thirds
of the membership.
A bill has been introduced in the
House to compel the State Land
Commissioner to publish cruises OF
state timber.
The House Committee has intro.
duced a bill in the Senate to create
a State Forestry Board and enquire
into seeding and reforestation OF
state lands.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Savidge to Defend His
Office Against Attacks

OLYMPIA. Wash, Dec. II. The
House and Senate unanimously re-
solved to permit State Land Com
missioner Savidge to appear before
the members today and answer Gov
Hartley's charges against the Land
Office
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
MARTIAL LAW,
PORTLAND AREA

PORTLAND, Ore, Dec. 11.-Vir-
tual martial law was declared last
night on the East Side in the most
concerted drive on crime attempted
Chief of Police Jenkins took per-
sonal charge and Communicated all
resources. men and automobiles.
There has been a growing number of
robberies and hold-ups in that ter
ritory during the past month
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Wyoming Objects to
Extension OF Nat. Park

CHEYENNE, Wyo.. Dec. IL
Gov. Ross, in letter to United
States Senator John b. Kendrick,
not favor extension of the Yellow
stone National Park to include
areas in the State unless the State
is permitted to tax private property
within the Park.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Rain Causes Bank to
Cave; Train Goes In

MADRAS, Dec 11.-Several per-
sons are reported to have been kill
ed or injured when an engine and
five coaches of a passenger train on
the Avantangi branch of the South
India Railway overturned on a bank
which had collapsed as the result
of torrential rains.
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11

Says Coz. Ross
Presidential
Possibility

LARAMIE, Wyo., Dec. IL
Bishop Thomas, Introducing
Gov. Nellie Ross at the inaug-
ural program in the Episcopal
Cathedral radio station, men
toned her as a Democratic
Presidential possibility. Bishop
Thomas is Republican but
said: mo woman in this coun-
try is more favorably known,
than She"
The Alaska daily empire., 1925-12-11
Present Postal Rates
Are to Be Continued

WASHINGTON, Dec. II. Con-
by resolution to authorize con-
tinuance OF the present postal rates
until the next session Of Congress.