The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1925-09-03
SMILIN' THU
THE RIGHT CHURCH,
BUT THE WRONG PEW.
BY GORDON COOPER
Copyright 1925 by Gordon Cooper

/ al OuIlu JIG uOOIs NH M Jain Vel
yo' fer jes' mint, Perfesser?"
Professor Vendors dropped some
papers on his desk and swung
around in his office chair with
smile. "Surely! Come right in, Doc"
For he, like all the other members
Of the Mercer faculty, appreciated
talk with the college gardner, who
was also preacher highly praised
by his black brethren. Doc could al
ways be depended on to say some
thing highly amusing or else to di-
vulge some crude philosophy that
was refreshing.
Doc carefully closed the door and
advanced to the desk with solemn
look on his face. He seemed worried
about something. "Perfesser, All
jes' wanted ter ex yo' hep in a liz
matter dat's worryin' me-"
'1Il be glad to do anything posi-
ble," the Dean replied. "What's
troubling your"
"Hit's lax dis" Doc started off in
an embarrassed way, nervously
twirling his hat around in his
hands, ode membahs OBJ NAH chech
is ~w.ne glib me present whut's
supposed ter be a 'sprise. But All
hears in roun' -erbout way dat
dey's gwine glib me shanderleer
Now All amt got no use fer no
shanderleer, and All wuz jes' think
in yo' might hep me out by slip
PIN de word ter de cheerman OBJ be
committee ter change hit ter somep'n
else. Yo' see, All CANT play no
shanderleer, an de OF lady CANT
play hit, an de Lawd knows dat
boy OBJ mine amt got no music
in inn"
Professor Vendors threw back his
head and roared. Doc stood aghast
as if he were afraid that the Dean
had suddenly taken leave of his
senses.
Finally his laughter subsidized.
"Why, Doc, chandelier isn't a
musical instrument. It's lighting
fixture Didn't you tell me recently
that your house had been wired for
electricity? Well, the chandelier is
evidently meant for your parlor, and
| should say it is a very approp-
riate gift"
Doc stood transfixed, as if as
founded. GO de Lawd!" he ex-
postulated "Well, Abs sho done
made a fool OBJ mahse'f." He hung
his head and started to turn away,
but turned and came back. per
lesser, please doan tell nobody whut
a fool Abs been! Cause eff dis wuz
ter git out on me dey neb5er would
git though pokin' fun at mel"
ooh, that's all right" laughed
the professor. Anybody would make
the same mistake. We all make mis-
takes like that sometimes"
That seemed to relieve Doc. and
his face lit up with its customary
grin. "Ah thanks yo' vey much,
Perfesser! And he started backing
to the door, bowling and scraping
as he went As he started to open
the door a thought struck him, and
he turned back.
But dat wuzn't ez bad ez de
break whut one oh nah deacons
made in de chech one day. Hit wuz
Brudder simon-yo' knows inn" And
Doc cackled in remembrance.
Professor Vendors sensed a good
story, and invited Doc to tell it.
"Well. yo' knows whah our chech
is-out by Mr.. Miller's pond at de
edge O. de woods? One day Mr..
Miller wuz a-surveyin' his land
along side de chech, an he fin out
dat de chech owns de pond Yo'
know de chech's been dar long
time, an nobody know whit de
boundary lines is. An we wuz aw-
full grateful ter know dat de pond
belong to de chech.
$50 de deacons had speshul
meetn' fer ter decide whut ter do
arbout hit. Yo' know dat makes a
mighty fine picnic place. an we
kinder thought eff we could fix hit
up liz bit hit would attrac' de
folks an make EN- come ter chech
mo-. An den wen we holds all-day
servuses an dinnah on de grounds
we could hab rale fine place fer
, ter spread de dinnahs.
can de deacons got schemes fer
, beautifyin' de pond, an dey wuz
, a-telln' whut dey thought oughter
' de done. One brudder got up an
say dat he's been a-seeiN' pictures
in de mage zines at de white folks
house whah he wurks, erbout de can
nails in Venus in de oil country. And
he say dat dey's got things whit
dey calls gondoleers a-hoatin' on de
ean-nals An he say dat dey sho'
is mighty beautiful a-tloatin' erlong
so graceful an he thinks hit
would please de wimmin Sn' chillun
eff we could hab some o dem gon-
doleers ON our pond. So e make a
motion dat we take up collection
an buy twelve O. de gondoleers.
Den Brudder Simon gifts up an
say dat he 'grees wild de brudder,
an he's in favo' OBJ habbin' some oh
de gondoleers on our pond, but he
amt in favo' oh bein' so 'stravagunt.
He say dey amt no use o-buyin'
twelve oh dem gondoleers-dat would
be too expensive. So he say, 'Ah
'mends de motion dat we ies' BUY
TWO OBJ DE GoNDoLEERS-A
MALE. AN A FEMALE, AN DEN
LET NATURE TAKE HITS
| CoU'SEr"
Here Doc subsidized in gale of
laughter in which Professor Nend-
ers Joined heartily