davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
ENCOURAGES OTHER DINERS THROW PLATES AND CO.
MESTIBIES AS HE CATCH THEM.

east and west traffic has the right of
way. When any of the folks disobeys
this rule Dan gives them a terrible
bawling out and tries new swear
words on them which if same makes
the victims cringe or cry he will use
same on his regular customers the
following day. He is particularly bit
ter IL he catches any of his Riddles
setting In a chair reading a book for
more than a half hour at a time
which he claims is a violation of the
parking laws.
Another sample is found in the per-
son OF Freddie Bishop the well known
big league ball player. He is so en-
thralled with the national pastime
that he plays it "a hours per day.
When he gets home after the game he
walks into the front hall like any
other home conner, but just before he
gets to the hat rack to hang up his
things he begins to slide. In fact
whenever he gets near whatever piece
of furniture he is headed for, he leaves
his feet and approaches it with a
slide, sometimes hook slide and
sometimes face forward.
During meals he is constantly
throwing plates and comestibles at
other diners and encourages them to
throw them back so as he can either
try to catch them or hit them with a
tablespoon or knife which he calls
his bat. Bishops entire conversation
at home consists in such phrases as
Heads up" THAT a boy" I've got
1t, Get your eyes open. you big stiff. >
etc.
Still another criterion is Ethan Kill
foyl. member Of the Denver fire de-
partment. This man never patronizes
the stairs at his home. but always
slides down on a rod. He always
dresses by a stop watch even when he
is dressing to go to a dance and If he
don't dress quicker every time than
he dressed the last time he strips
himself and tries it over. I'm this
way / often miss the first Dance" he
says, but heigh no."
Other instants I might mention is
that Of a caddy in Los Angeles who
annoys his parents excessively by al
ways looking under rags, carpets.
plates, tablecloths, beds, piano, etc,
for golf balls. and a contractor in Win
netka, Illinois, that has had a rivet-
ing machine installed in his bedroom
so he can sleep nights. and last but
not lease a physician in st. Louis
who 10 so tender hearted that his pa
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27

n YOW that the bright tints Of
autumn are appearing on
VI the trees, the season for the
L luncheon clubs is opening up
again. Personally 1 think
our luncheon clubs are one of the
most agreeable features of modern
city life. I have belonged to several
luncheon clubs in our town ever since
they started. and I never miss
lunch.
When 1 look back to the time when
men used to be satisfied to sit down
all alone in front Of a beefsteak and
a bottle Of Budweiser with only just
some apple pie and cup Of coffee
and a cigar after 1t, and without sing
ing a note all through don't see
how we did 1t: Now, II I can't sing
a little as I eat, and call hear. hear"
every now and then, l don't feel as If
I could digest properly. So when I
offer a few suggestions about our
luncheon clubs I don't want to be
misunderstood. / am not criticizing
but merely pointing out how we can
make them brighter and better still.
Take the singing. After all, quite
frankly. do we need to sing at lunch?
Our clubs-and, think, the clubs in
most other towns. too-generally sing
very slow, dragging melodies such as,
THE day is =.
past. the sun s.
is set :" The effect of
that kind of tune as intoned by
hundred men with a poundand-a- quar-
ter beefsteak adjusted in each Of them
Q25 lbs. total lightweight of music)
is. very frankly. mournful. 1t sounds
to me like the last Of the Tasmanian
Islanders leaving home.
Or else we sing negro melodies.
But why should we? Or we sing
Annie Laurie" Who was she, any
way? In fact. to be quite candid. I
can eat lunch splendidly without ask
ing to be carried back to Tennessee,
or offering TO lay me down and die.
either on the banks Of the Doom or
anywhere else.
Without the singing there could be
a pleasant atmosphere of quiet which
is now missing.
Take as another slight point of
criticism the chairmans speech intro
ducing the speaker. There l do think
a decided improvement could be made
by cutting out the chairman's remarks
altogether. They are misleading. He
doesn't state things as they are. He
always says:
To-day We are to have rare treat
in listening to Mr.. Nut. 1 need not
offer any introduction to this audi
ence for a man like Mr.. Nut. When
we learned that Mr. Nut was to ad
dress us we felt that the club was
fortunate indeed"
Now il the man told the truth
what he would say would be this:
Gentlemen, am sorry to announce
that the only speaker we have been
able to secure for today is this poor
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
\ Modest Hero.

A LTHOUGH the garantry of our
life-saving service is not only
constant but great. there are oc-
casional acts of heroism 50 unusual
that they stand out brightly even in
the records of that famous corps.
These are the exploits that are re
warded with the special gold medal
of the Government. Here is the story
Of one such deed:
Between midnight and dawn one
August night the full fury of the hur-
ricane that had swept the Atlantic
coast broke over the Hatteras. and
gave Surfman Erasmus Midget Of
Gull Shoal Station his chance to show
| the stuff that he was made Of. At
O'Clock he had set out to patrol the
south beach, where the water. rush
ing over the narrow strip of land rose
to his horses saddle-girths. Frequently
he was obliged to rest in the lee of a
dune to avoid being suffocated by the
flying sand.
! All along the beach bits of broken
wreckage floated in, telling of disaster
somewhere out in natures Embossed
rage and tumult. At the farthest limit
| of his beat Midget flung himself from
| his horse and, rushing TO the waters
edge. caught sight of a vessel over
which the seas were breaking. In the
stern he saw three men huddled to-
gether.
| The station was three miles away.
| To Midgett's trained eye il was clear
that the wreck would not last an hour.
He surveyed the brutal surf. and de
cided that the wreck lay 100 yards
offshore. Using his hand, as ii mega
phone. he shouted to the men TO hold
| fast. One, in dellrium, leaped into the
sea and swan into Midgett's grasp.
Instantly the foam smothered them.
! IN, H.
| suck both TO destruction.
| Dragging his burden safely 10 land,
/ Midget plunged once more into the
| sea and bore back the body OF
! swooning sailor. Five times he repeat
ed this feat. The last sailor gasped
out that three men. badly wounded by
wreckage, remained aboard.
Midgetts strength was going, but
! he swan out to the wreck. and
managed to crawl aboard. The captain.
who had a hole in his breast from a
broken spar. was dragged to land. Two
seamen, less seriously injured, were
ihelped to swim ashore by the tirelcss
surfman.
Then leaving the ten battered. help
less hulks of men to lie GREATNESS on
the sand, Midget rode three miles TO
the station for aid.
I'VE thought him mad" said the
men of the station. 1T looked like Il
case of stark insanity from exposure
and we have seen such cases"
But ten, half naked. brine-drenChed
men up the beach Corroborated his
story, and the Government gold medal
that Midget got was earned.
But there is still another story con
nected with the medal. When 1t had
been granted and engraved. party
of officials went down to Gull Shoai
to present it, They made speeches full
of eulogistic references to Surfman
Midget, and then, with due ceremony,
gave him the medal
| Midget. blushing like schoolgirl
and digging his toe nervously into the
| floor, then made his response. 1t was.
why, L amt done anything"
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
JUST AS GENTLE AS TAMEsT SORT OF STEAM SHOVEL"

in my life. bet they would even take
the meat out Of black walnuts, and I
ought to know-they have pretty near
dug the soles Of my feet out Of my
back teeth more then once.
But with all this, the real pain don't
come to Doc. Wells patients in his
office. 1t comes to them through the
mail.
Well. / got thinking about all this,
see, and before / realized 1t, why it
was half past 4 o'clock, and time for
me to start II / was to get away over
to Freckles Ave. in time for my ap-
pointment. So l give myself one last
fond look in the mirror. told Annie
Gooch, our cook, where to send for the
body. and started out. telling myself
, where this was certainly the sensible
thing to do it would soon be over and
| then how much better | would feel.
and etc.
Geo. had the flivver In the shop. and
so l had to either take a trolley or
stay home. But no luck. the Grand
Ave. trolleys was still running, and
l caught one right away. So there
wasn't nothing to do only get in and
| read the ads over the seat to keep my
mind off myself. ! might even Of gone
past Freckles Avenue, doing this. only
some fool women actually wanted to
go there and stopped the car when we
got to the right corner.
It's a long ride from our house to
Freckles Ave. but the distance amt
nothing compared to the length of
the two blocks from the car line to
DR.. Wells house. At the pace / went.
it was lucky l was walking, l never
| could OF made 1t in high in the tin liz,
| she don't throttle down. But finally |
got there and somebody's hand, mine
| guess, stretched out and rung the
door bell. Well, l waited so long on
| that porch / commenced to think dear
dear what pity, / bet nobody is
| home. what a shame,
| But I had the wrong dope. The
| door of doom was opened by Miss
| White-uniform. the date dame who
had me on the phone. Clearly every.
thing was up. I hadder go in. But
| just as l done so. the nurse handed
me a headline. Oh Mrs. Jules, she
says, I'm so sorry, but 1t seems II
was Mr.. Jules the appointment was
made for, he called up this morning
and I just found out the mistake
and had him on the phone and he
says it's all right for you to take his
appointment IL you like.
But ! says no, not much. l says
| there is nothing selfish about me.
| says, 1 wouldn't dream of depriying
my husband of his appointment with
DIR. Well. just let me at that tele.
phone and 1 will have Mr.. Jules out
here in five minutes, he told me this
morning he was going to the dentist
at the first opportunity and / mean
| to see to it that he makes good!
Copyright. 1921
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27

Jules, 1 believe you already have q
appointment for this afternoon at 5!
Well, naturally 1 didn't know was
this mental telepathy or George. but
it seemed l had a date all right. and
the minute 1 got it, my tooth quit
aching. I certainly got to hand it to
the Doc. He's good. l never knew it
to fail, the mere mention OF his name
cures any tooth pains on me. all I
gotter do Is walk up his front steps,
and I don't have a ache.
Well, after l hung up. / commenced
to remember n whole lot OF things
really ought to do this day. see. and
the most Of them could only be at
tended to around o'clock. But when
l called up my dressmaker and told
her 5 o'clock would be good hour for
me. she says oh Mrs. Jules. 1 amt
ready for you yet, please come to.
morrow, will you?
So l hadder say yes, and called
Mrs. Goofnah. the pres. Of our Ladies
Thursday Club and told her l knew
there was a important meeting at 5
and / supposed they couldn't get
along without me? But Mrs. Goof-
nah says oh thatll be all right dear,
we can get along without you per-
fectly well, any time you wish. And
1t was the same everywheres. Even
Mabel Bush couldn't see me, she was
going to a picked Herring festival
given by the Bi Carbonatea, her
sorority.
60 all day long with nothing else to
~ do, l had a real good chanel to
remember the pleasant hours 1 had
spent in DR.. Wells studio during the
past. He's a real artist, I got to
admit, and 1 have often sung his
praises to my friends. you probably
know the song. 1t commences "Oh!
you ought to go to MY dentist, he's
perfectly splendid" / generally sing
it about mons. after seeing him, he
is one Of these people OF whom as
they say, absence makes the heart
grow fonder.
But he certainly Is wonderful
dentist, at that. He's different to
any other I've ever seen, and actually
he don't hurt you bit except when
he's hurting you. And cleani Say,
when you get into that chair and he
jacks 1t up to change q tooth, you'd
| think you was in the Purity Dairy
Lunch, it's so white and sanitary.
The only trouble is, when he yells
| fore" you haven't a chanel in the
| world of getting out of the way. AS
| for his work, it's really remarkable.
| Why he put a permanent wave in
my teeth that lasted for months and
you couldn't hardly tell it from the
natural thing. / was simply crazy
over 1t.
Another thing I got to hand DR..
Well. He don't take any chances.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
Cloud Turrets.

A scientific explanation of the con
nection between the imposing masses
of cumulus clouds, piled up in aspiring
white turrets, which are popularity
called thunder heads" and the ap-
proach of a thunderstorm is offered ina
a recent report on cloud studies made
by one of the Government scientist g.
1t appears that the form of cloud
called turreted cumulus is most com
mon when there IL rapid vertical
decrease OF temperature in the upper
air, combined with heating at the
ground. which favors the ascent of
columns or air to great heights, and
that is, at the same time. u condition
favorable to thunderstorms.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27

His father used to work in a peni.
Tertiary, and / guess he inherits his
pops talent. Anyways, he handles a
chair the same, and when you get In
he fixes the headrest SOS the first
shock will register good. then he
straps you down, and next he turns
on the current.
He turns 1t on in the steam drill
that he uses for putting rivets In your
facial structure. but what's the odds,
it amounts to the same thing as sud
den death, the main difference is that
with the dentists chair you can come
back and do 1t all over again.
DR.. Well is gentle. too, just as
gentle as the tamest sort of steam
shovel. And when he Is conner put
his foot on your chest and delicately
grab hold OF your left hind wisdom
tooth with a nicely polished pair OF
fire tongs, he always warns you in
advance. Now this may hurt a little.
he says kindly, but it wont last more
than an hour or two. because I have
another patient coming.
And after the tooth is out he al
ways give you a drink. It's home
made stuff. he puts up any quantity
himself, every year. But the doc
isn't Like most people who make their
own, he don't expect you to swallow
IL, ne Knows you want TO spit IL out
and he amt offended when you do.
At that it is tastier then a lot Of home.
brew I been offered I dunno what he
puts in, but 1t seems to be a kinda
combination of soap, peppermint and
pink hair-tonic. 1 mean the tonic is
pink, not tonic for pink hair.
x X x =
7 DUNNO how other people feel
= but with me personality has a 10,
to do with a dentist. and Doctor Well
sure has a lovely one. He don't eat
onions only very seldom, mostly on the
days I go there, and he's real congo
NAL with a hearty laugh which he
uses double strength after the stories
he tells you while the rubber gloves is
on your face. He's that sensitive he
realizes where you amt able to laugh
under them circumstances, so he has
to laugh for both.
He's got a swell line OF stories. and
that's where I heard the one about
the two Irishmen. Also the one about
the two fellers who met on the street
and that good one about what Mike
says to Pat. The very minute / got
home / told them to Geo. I simply
had to take it out on somebody.
Really. my dentists Office is a awful
interesting place. Some day I'm gon
ner look through all his cute equip
ment and see can I pick up a good
crochet hook. He appears to have
them every size. Also butter knives
sink scrapers and darning needles
Then he's got just the kind Of monkey
wrench we need for the f1ivver, ant
the best looking nutpicks l ever seer
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
Great Problems of Life Submitted
For Solution to Man Who Knows All

game on for next Tuesday afternoon.
1 play a round in about 1871 strokes
and my opponent plays the Is holes
in about 1853 strokes. How should
we arrange the match? Very truly,
IKE ANTPLAY.
Answer-Judging from your scores
should say the best way for you
two fellows to play is to play the
same as "Pinochle," % cents hun
dred.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I borrowed $500
from a friend Of mine last July and I
am unable to pay him back. He
doesn't know it yet. I would like to re-
turn it but 1t doesn't look as II / will
ever give him his $500. What shall
I do? haven't been able to sleep on
account OF this. Sincerely.
Answer-The first thing you should
do is to go to your friend and tell him
you will not be able to return his $500.
Then he won't be able to sleep, either.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I wrote you some
time ago to help me solve a Gross
Word Puzzle" asked you for a. 10.
letter word meaning Letter Carrier
Postwar" only has seven letters.
Where are the other five letters?
Truly yours,
WIRDFER WORD.
Answer-The other Ave letters are
in the postman's bag.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I met a young
man yesterday at a party. liked him
very much. 1 asked him his business
and he said he was In the film" bus.
mess. Can you tell me II he means
he manufactures moving pictures
or ladies garments?"
Yours truly,
VIRGINIA REEL.
Answer next week.
ED WYNN,
THE Perfect Fool"
Copyright, 1929
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
Some Hard Working People Are Unable
To Forget Business When the Day Ends

tients don't never pay him and he
has TO use street cars TO make his
calls and it has become necessary
for his wife to suspend straps from
the ceiling all over the house as he
don't feel comfortable setting down
| even at home
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
BY ED WYNN.

~ EAR MR.. WYNN: I am
boy 16 years of age. One
day last week ! took can
of black paint and a brush
and was painting the front
door, of our house. which was white,
with the black paint. My father saw
me, made me stop and then ordered
me away from his home. What ls
wrong with him? Sincerely,
|. NJ. BROKE.
Answer-You say you were painting
a white door with black paint and
YOUR Father caught you at 1t and dis
owned YOU Very simple. He doesn't
want you to darken his doors again.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I am blind In one
eve. 7 went to a theater where the
price of admission was 81. / told the
ticket seller that l should only pay
So for a ticket as ! was blind In one
eve and therefore was only able to
Truly yours.
/. c. FAIR.
Answer = You were absolutely
wrong The price of the ticket was
S4 You wanted to pay only 81 be-
cause you say you would have seen
lust half of the show as you have but
one eve Because of that fact. |
mean that you have only one eye, the
ticket seller should have charged you
So double the price, as It would have
taken you twice as long to see the
whole show.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: Can you tell me
the origin of the old adage about
Father Makes Hay etc, etc?
Yours truly.
A. CORNFIELD.
Answer-It originated in the year
1903. A very wealthy farmer. who
raised hay and wheat on farm in
Minnesota, had a son about IS years
of age who was tired of working for
his father. raising hay and wheat, and
decided to go to New York City. His
father gave him some money. and on
the sons arrival in New York he had
about S24 left. Realizing he could
only live for a day on that in New
York, the boy invested his money i'm
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27

Dear Mr.. Wynn: Can you tell me
the origin of the old adage about
Father Makes Hay etc, ETC.?
Yours truly.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
It's Very Long Ride to the Dentists,
While the Patient Hopes He'll Be Away
BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM.

A S General Grant, the inventor
~ of the Half smoked Cigar. once
"A said, Il wonder who fills the
4 \ cavities in the teeth of the
wind? That's a good line, and
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
And That's All.

Terrence-What do you know about
Czechoslovakia?
Clarence-Well, 1t Is hard to say.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
BY RING LARDNER.

ITO the editor: Some weeks ago |
see in the paper where Il
woman was sewing her hus-
band for a bill of divorce on
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-09-27
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

n T OW that the bright tints Of
nj autumn are appearing on
the trees, the season for the
L luncheon clubs Is opening up
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-05-07

shall be born and assessed against
the property included in the assess
ment district hereinafter created in
accordance with law. The City of
Kennewick shall not be liable in any
manner for any portion of the costs
and expenses of said Improvement.
Section 3. There is hereby estab-
lished Local Improvement District
to be called Local Improvement Dis
trict No. 22. The said. district is de-
scribed, as follows:
Lots i, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 Of Block
1, Menhinics Addition; Tracts E, F,
G and H, Menhinics Addition and
Lots i, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6, Block City
Home Additions; being all the proper
ty between the termini of said inn
provement abutting, adjacent, vicinal
or proximate to such portion of said
street to a distance back from the
marginal line thereof as provided by
law. a...
Section 4. Bonds bearing interest
at the rate of per cent per annum
payable on or before five 90 years
from the date of issuance shall be is
sued in payment of the costs and ex-
The Kennewick courier-reporter. [volume] (Kennewick, Wash.) 1914-1938, 1925-05-07

penses of this improvement, which
bonds shall be collected by special as
sessments levied on said property
within said district payable in five
90 equal annual installments with
interest at the rate Of per cent per
annum under the method of pay
ment by bonds" as defined by law,
and the ordinance Of the City Of Ken
newck. These bonds may be delivered
to the contractor in redemption of
warrants on the Local Improvement
District Fund issued on estimates of
the City Engineer, or the City Of
Kennewick, may at its election sell
said bonds and make such redemption
in cash. ..g
Section 5. This ordinance shall be
in effect from and after five (5) days
from its passage, approval and pub
LEGATION in the official newspaper 81
the City Of Kennewick. I Z
Passed the City Council this 18th
day of April, 1925 and signed by me
in open session in authenticity Of its
passage, this 2Sth day Of April, 1925.
Attest:W. CAMPBELL, City Clerk.
ID. S. Brogunier, Mayor, Protems