davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
About Liners

1t is not generally realized that
an Atlantic liner of 10000 tons, al
though perfectly suitable for its own
regular voyage, could not make
trip from England to Australia or
India unless il took the long route
around Cape Horn; it could not
avail itself Of the Suez canal.
A cross-section Of steamers using
the canal would be seen 10 be I
shaped whereas an Atlantic liners
crOss-section is V shaped, a differ
ence that is necessitated BY the
depth Of the canal. This differ
ence in shape makes difference in
speed. the sharper hull being capable
Of a swiftness than cannot be OBJ
tanned from the other model. .
But even il the liners we're Of
similar build. it is unlikely that
those sailing 10 Australia and India
could compete in speed over
given distance with their Atlantic
rivals. That is Because the colder
water Of the Atlantic is a factor in
favor Of speed. II makes for bet
ter condensation than the warmer
temperatures Of Eastern waters.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
ITO THE EDITORS

Il Last wk. I wrote you in re-
CARDS to the mems beauty contest
at What Cheer, Ia, and the mems
radio contest held in our basement
in which the writer Of this here was
unanimously selected as Mr.. Radio
for the season of 1925. This wk.
I will try and describe the Ladies
and Gents Eyesore Exposition to
choose the ugliest man and the ug-
lest woman in the good old U.S.A.
This event was held in Moomaw,
Nebraska, which is generally be-
lieyed TO have the homeliest name Of
any American town.
The contest amongst the women
was the closest in history and it
was only after bitter argument
that the judges finally picked Miss
Lucy Grootle, of Bobo, Indiana. As
the name of Miss America had been
bestowed on Miss Lanphier of Cali
fornia in the female beauty event
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
Ring Reports Triumph of Homely Girl

"Lots Of girls" said the Hoosier
gargoyle, "brag secause men wink
their eyes at them on the street.
When men see me they close their
eyes and keep them closed till I've
went past"
The winner Of the second prize,
Miss Ellen Hedge of Curve, Ten
nssee, was indignant at the de-
cision of the judges.
BLEMISHES HIDDEN,
what beat me-" said the Ten
nessee sight, "was the rule which
forced us to wear a tailored suit
over our house dress and an ulster
over that and then wrap ourselves
up in a blanket. I couldn't show
half my blemishes. I've got more
defects on my 2 shoulder blades
than the Indiana entry has all over
what she Historically calls her
body"
Only one prize was give in the
mems competition. This was
awarded to Mr.. Guthrie Ouch of
Americas, Georgia, said to be the
handsomest man in that city. Mr..
Ouch once stayed 4 rounds with
John L. Sullivan and at the end
of that bout was Obliged to remain
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
restricted or I won't get the money
out the Savings Bank.
IN BATHING-BEAUTY LAND.

out Ine SAVINGS Bank.
IN BATHING.BEAUTY LAND.
Well, at that Geo. grabbed one
side of the newspaper. which was all
full of Florida real estate ads, and
l grabbed ahold of the other. and
We was just about to start a regu-
lar old style tug of words out of it,
when the front door bell rung. and
who would it be. only that Mr.. Goof-
nah which he is in the real estate
business and his wife was with him.
Well folks, says Mr.. Goofnah, we
just dropped in TO tell you good
bye. We're conner run down to
Florida and pick up a coupla mil
lion. And his wife says yes, Mr..
Goofnah has considerable interests
in real estate down there. And
says sure, I believe he's got interest
in real estate there, so have We, but
has he any property? OF course he
has. says she, or rather he did have
until he turned it over.
And found nothing underneath?
Geo. wanted to know. Nothing only
a gold mine, says Mr.. Goofnah, high
hating Geo, what We are going
down for now is TO buy some more
land before prices 20 up any higher.
Well but, says Geo, do you know
anything about land down there-I
mean on a big scale? I'll say l do,
says Mr.. Goofnah, why il was me
put the &C in acreage. That's what
want, says Geo. Acreage-lots Of
lots; and I'm all set to come across
with five hundred dollars in real &C.
tual money. I'd like for you 70
handle it for me.
All right, says Mr.. Goodman, you
can make money with even that
much, 1 will put you in my syndi-
cate. And Geo. says well don't for
get 10 put me in your monthly bal
snce as well. And by the way, Mr..
Goofnah, what kind Of place is Flor
ida, anyway.t
HANDPAINTING THE LILIES.
Well, says Mr.. Goofnah, that de-
ponds on whether you own real es-
tate down there or not. But as
you now practically as good as own
some, / viii slip you the real, inside
dope. Florida is more like Florida
then anything you can possibly
imagine. To commence with it is
filled with outspread palms, cocoa
nut palms, walters palms. bell-hop
palms, and the glad hands Of the
natives, on account we sure do like
70 make strangers feel at home.
And if the welcomer generally
shakes hands with one hand and
tries to sell you a piece Of real
estate with the other, why you got
ter admit where it's profitable for
both. As for the houses, you ought
er see the beautiful ones We got
down there. mostly Spanish tripe,
especially where we live, out at Del
Dillpickle Yistal Its little, but oh
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
Mutter and humble
I p Medbury------------.

Mutter-Yes.
Mumble-Well I wish you'd come
over and take ours.
Mutter-It's easy 10 entertain il
you know how. You've got TO hu.
NOR them.
Mumble-Do what?
Mutter-Humor them.
Mumble-That's fine, III 20 right
home and read them the funny
papers.
Mutter-Are they friends Of your
wife?
Mumble-I guess so, they haven't
knocked her to me.
Mutter-Guests who aren't con-
genial are very wearing.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
Buying and Selling Florida by the
Minute Proves Fascinat-
ing Game

mean you will turn it over with a
spade, I'd rather take something in
one of them developments with a
pretty picture in the ad, you know.
one Of them with two story Spanish
Hidalgos. the kind that is bulls
around a portiere or whatever they
call it. Or else a development on the
beach with pictures of one-piece
bathing suits all filled to overflow
ing with girls showing how good
the development is, and etc. And I
says no such thing, George Jules,
you'll buy in one of them places
which is advertised as thoroughly
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

Mumble-I should ssy they are.
Two of them have been wearing
everything / own.
Mutter-You don't mean to tell
me they ask you to lend them your
clothes?
Mumble-No, they 20 to the closet
and take them.
Mutter-Why don't you lock the
closet!
Mumble-I can't, one of the guests
sleeps in there.
Mutter-Then there's nothing VOC
can do. You can't insult your
guests.
Mumble-No, don't seem to b
able to.
Mutter-Why don't you wes9
your clothes yourself?
Mumble-rd doing the best / can
I've got on three suits Of undess
wear right now.
Mutter-Aren't they rather warnns
Mumble-Yes, but IL / tako then
off, I'll lose them.
Mutter-Haye you said anything
about il?
Mumble-No, but I dropped q
gentle hint a couple of days ago.
Mutter-What do you mean, q
gentle hint?
Mumble-I stationed a night
Waterman in my bedroom.
Mutter-Did that do any good?
Mumble-No, the next morning
when l got up couldn't find ms
shoes, so / summoned all my guest&
and where do you suppose found
them?
Mutter-I don't know, where?
Mumble-On the nightwatchmah,
Mutter-Well, I've got to be get
ting home now, If there's anything
l can do, let me know.
Mumble-Thanks, old man, I've
tried every humane way that / coulf
think of to get these guests out al
my house and now it looks as thong,
I'll have TO resort to cruelty, and
you're just the one to help me.
Mutter-I'll be tickled to death,
what do you want me to do?
Mumble-Ask your wife TO COM,
over this evening and sing for W
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

my! Some bunSalow-Spanish-on
the-half-shell.
And 1 tell you George, Mr.. Goof-
nah went on, we got more ocean and
a better quality of it, then any other
part of the world per quart. No
kidding. We got the best auto
roads and the fewest auto trucks to
cramp your style on them of any
state-that is, of course, per capita,
understand.
And sunshine, and pep! Say, you
may of heard the south was slow?
And you've heard the same of ALI
gators, amt you? Well, you just
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

would be rather small for five extra
people.
Mumble-It Is.
Mutter-Well, how do they sleep:
Mumble-In pajamas?
Mutter-I mean how many beds
have you?
Mumble-Four.
Mutter-What does the fifth man
do at night?
Mumble-Oh, / bought him a
radio.
Mutter-Does your wife get their
breakfast in the morning?
MumbIe-No, she eats her own.
Mutter-I think it's wonderful to
have visitors. l love company.
Mumble-You do?
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

Misshapen, Misfortune, and Mis-
print, but these was all finally dis
carded in favor of Miss Deal.
HERE ARE FIGURES.
Following is the official statis-
tics on Miss Grootle as Of Oct. II:
Age-52 years.
Weight--1s6.
Height-5 feet 2.
Hair-Sparse.
Eyes-Right, mischievous; left
stationary.
Mouth-Nomal, 5 inches; ex-
banded, IL inches.
Nose-Mythical.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

ing this makes you feel as bad as
it does me,
yrs. truly, Bella
How I do love to read them
quaint old personal letters of great
people, As was saying only the
other night to George, that's my
husband, person can learn such a
lot from reading about the mis-
takes of the great, such as that
poor queen Of Spain. Really, it
was through reading her corre-
s-ondence that we como to get in
terested in Florida real estate. We
decided we was going to turn over
a profit by her loss, on account
there amt now any doubt about
the stuff Ponce De Leon pulled.
In fact, the Florida boom in real
estate is the most frequent thing
a person hears this season and has
even drove prohibition out Of our
Natl conversations.
NICE, SIMPLE AMBITIONS.
The more / and Geo. thought
this over, the more anxious we was
TO get something good down there,
nothing extravagant, see, but may
be forty or fifty acres of just
rough country stuff that could be
picked up cheap near the ocean for
twenty-five or fifty dollars an acre.
Nor was we unreasonable about the
location. 1t didn't have TO be any
thing fancy, in fact we felt pretty
near any old place would do just
so long as it was one where We
could be absolutely certain Of clean
ing up coupla hundred thousand
on II, during the first two weeks.
The only trouble was, I and Geo.
hadn't ever been 10 Florida as yet,
only in our Imagination, which Of
course everybody has done that.
And so 1t was kinda difficult for US
10 decide where 20 sink our money.
Naturally we had read a big bunch
of real estate ads about develop
ments, subdivisions, additions and
other arithmetic Of the real estate
school. and the whole lot Of them
was listed so swell a person felt
pretty near compelled 70 enney
meenie minee moe them with the
forefinger and send the first pay
ment TO the one the Moe fell on.
Take for q sample the Chilicon-
esrne Development. That sounded
like hot stuff. All it says was that
they had for sale lots nos. 1889
36S1411-924699- 1123325 Section
p. d. Q. Township 5000. Il was
one OF them simple statements that
speak for themselves and nobody
ess. Anyone who was such a simp
as not 10 know at once where that
properly was located, wasn't fit 10
own il, you could just see that.
was all for jumping right into such
. promising proposition, especially
o. the terms was 40 down and
never no more, because you was GER
tain 70 turn il over before the next
payment come due.
But Geo. says no, they probably
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

in his corner till some Of his more
prominent features was returned to
him from different parts of the
auditorium.
One ear and one nostril fell into
the laps Of souvenir fiends and was
taken home by same. These was
all Ouch actually lost, but many
of the other recovered parts was
stuck on in the wrong places and
the results, why the lease said the
better. The ensemble was perhaps
best expressed by his mothers ex-
clamation when the entered his
home late that night.
Welt" exclaimed the old lady.
Copyright, 1925, by the Bell
Syndicate, Inc.) 49,.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

at Atlantic City last mo-, 1t was
thought suitable by some that the
Indiana girl should be christened
Miss Greece in honor Of the general
appearance of the people that Gomez
here from that country. Other sug-
gestions from those with a passion
for plays on words was Mistake,
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

Jaw-Reactionary.
Neck-Normal, 16 10; in the wen
season, 10.
Complexion-Plaid.
Ankles-Left, 90 inches; right,
IS inches.
The judges was Mr.. Simon Fl.
Patton, of Goose, Oregon, veteran
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18
BARNUM TURNS OVER IN
GRAVE.

All, but old timer, says Geo.
There's one bumper crop you amt
as yet mentioned that we raise
down there-and raise and raise
and raise and still can't meet the
demsnd-I am speaking Of real
estate values
You said a dictionary, says Mr..
Goofnab, why people can hardly
realize how things is going. Now
! know a case where a Teller went
down there not many years ago
with a bunch Of tooth picks and
forty cents in cash. Well, be give
the cash for thirty acres Of ocean
front, built a bungalow on it with
the toothpicks, and last week he
sold out for a quarter Of a million
cold. Sounds hot 10 me, says Geo.
And then take another case. /
know, Mr.. Goofnsh went on, there
was a bird bought a lot over in
Loo Loo Park on Wednesday for
eighteen hundred dollars, SOC down
and sold lit the previous Tuesday
for eighteen thousand s'factl Hot
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-10-18

try and catch a alligator, He may
of lain still for a long time, but
once he gets started he moves so
fast y'can't see him shove off, even.
And that's Florida, boy, that's Flor
ida for yah
NATURALBORN FLORIDIASS.
Ieh, says Geo. getting enthusiast
&c, too, why we got the biggest
number of biggest hotels down there,
amt we, Tom: And, if all the first
class golf links in Florida was
placed end to end there wouldn't
never be a Florida husband come
home to Sunday dinner-they would
simply play on forever meath the
shade Of their sheltering golfcaps.
Amt that so, boy?
And Mr.. Goofnah says, check to
that, Geo. we certainly have, I
mean we do. Why even the tele-
phone poles and fences, in parts Of
Florida are so rich and luxuriant
they grow a handsome variety Of
Spanish moss. the kind that can be
used for understanding or chew
ing tobacco, at will. In fact, Geo.
says Mr.. Goofnah, we have bumper
CROPS Of pretty near everything,
especially tourists-why the bump
er crop Of tourists was so heavy
last season they was humping into
each other on the streets all the
time.
l tell you what, George, says
Mr.. Goofnah, the only thing we got
that's not a success, is the Gene
teries-we certainly have the mean
est, scantiest lot Of cemeteries ]
ever seen, on account so few Of
our citizens have so far taken I'D
their residences as yet. / will say
however, he says, that the ones
that have taken up their options
in our cemeteries are certainly
ucrrngupnt
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
N. P. sUEsS FOR
SLIGO DUE ON
2 SOLDIERS

St. Paul, Feb. THE Northern
Pacific railroad filed suit in United
States district court here against
the government to collect SLIGO which
the railroad contends is due for
transportation of two soldiers from
st. Paul to Seattle, which will be a
test case to determine the. future
charges for transportation of mill
tary forces on the railroad, accord
ing to M. l.. Countryman, Jr., counsel
for the company.
The basis for the suit dates back
to civil war days when the Northern
Pacific was constructing its line
from Ashland, Wis.,, to Portland, Ore.
In order to help the infant railroad,
congress on July 2, 1864, passed an
act granting certain lands to the
road for right Of way.
In, return, congress exacted. that
military forces of the United States
have been transported since for one
half fare in times of peace over the
sections of the road operating under
the land grants.
Because the route has been altered
considerably from the original LAND
grant lines, the Northern Pacific
contends that the government should
pay eighty cents additional to it's
present fare for transportation be
tween st. Paul and Seattle. The
government now is paying 1929 fare
from St. Paul to Seattle and ths
Northern, Pacific contends it SHOULD
|be $1,000. The regular one way fare
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
STOLEN AUTOS (.
RECOVERED
Two North Dakota Machines,
at Least, Found in Montana

Minot, N. D., Feb. Eleven au-
tomobiles, four of which have been
positively identified as being stolen
machines. are in the custody of au-
thorities at Plentywood, Mont, while
efforts continue to identify the 9th
crs, according to Police Chief Dan
Dougherty of Minot, who returned to
this city last night from Plenty
wood. Mr.. Dougherty was commits
stoned as a special deputy sheriff to
accompany Deputy Sheriff w. c. Rus
tad of Minot, department of justice
officials and automobile company de-
tcctives to Plentywood to seek trace
of stolen cars.
Two men are in Jail at Plentywood,
charged with larceny of automobiles
under warrants signed in Minot by
Sheriff A. S. Spicher, following re-
covery of two Ford coupes, one be-
longing to r. Burke Of Berthold and
the other to Arthur Simonson of Mi
not. The two men charged with the
theft of the machines are John Bouel
and Blair Streepy, both Of Plenty
wood. Another of the automobiles
recovered has been identified as be-
longing to L. B.. Vetter of Minot, a
machine which was stolen last fall,
it is stated
Three Ford coupes. now in the pos
session of the officials, may not be-
identified as stolen machines, due to
the fact that, the numbers have been
cleverly obliterated, it is stated, un-
less the owners of the machines can
be located and can identify the cars
There are various other marks on the
cars, according to Police Chief
Dougherty, by which the owners may
identify them. 4eA@
The remainder of the party of au-
thorities at Plentywood plan on going
to Scobey, Mont, for further inves-
tigation work before returning.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
MANY PROBES
ARE INDICATED
Acknowledgement Stone May
Launch Several Invcsti-
cations

Washington, Feb. 7--rossible ac-
ton by the department of justice
to prevent monopolistic control Of
prices of a number Of househ old
utilities was forecast last night by
Attorney Stone.
Although the governments course
was not fully disclosed, several in
vcstigations are under way or are
contemplated and the attorney gen
eral indicated definite steps soon will
be taken in some of them.
On the basis Of information, gath
cred partly by the federal trade COM
mission, and partly by Justice de-
rartment Investigations, Mr.. Stone,
in a letter to the commission, set
forth these conclusions on the sit
uation respecting conditions in the
household supply industries:
Aluminum-price control has been
practiced and court decree violated.
Refrigerators-the department is
prepared to take appropriate action
on the basis of an exhaustive report
of conditions in the industry which
is being studied by government at
torneys.
Washing machnes-the govern
ment is not yet in a position to take
definite steps against the machine
manufacturers although it has been
definitely established that certain
acts in trade practices of some of
the manufacturers is open to severe
CT iticism.
Sewing machines--if any of the
trade practices and activities of the
manufacturers trade association ever
were illegal, the time has passed in
which to institute proceedings
against it because Of the statute of
Limitation.
Brooms and broom handles-an in
vestigation is under way and further
evidence must be gathered before
the department can determine its
course.
Vacuum cleaners-no violations of
law have been found by the federal
trade commission Investigators, and,
although the data was not up to date,
it is believed to have no cause of
action at this time.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
MARKET NEWS
:. Wire Markets BY
Associated Press
WHEAT GOES
UPWARD TODAY
Market Rises During the
Early Dealings

Chicago, Feb. 7.-(By the A. PD--
Wheat scored material advance
early today, influenced by relative
fifmness of quotations at Liverpool
despite the big break yesterday on
this side of the Atlantic. An over
night accumulation of selling orders
here was quickly absorbed and with
export business in prospect the mar
ket assembled to about 2 12 cents
above yesterdays finish.
On the bulge, however, offerings
increased and temporary reactions
ensued. Opening prices which rang
ed from "a to 9 IA cents higher,
May $l87 l-2 to $1.SS l-2 and July
$3.50 to s1.6O 5-S were followed by a
rapid fluctuation but by much les
sened volume of transactions as COM
pared with yesterdays huge total.
Subsequently development of a
good export demand with some buy
ing, ascribed to the French govern
mept, lead to an advance, May at the
top reaching about six cents over
yesterdays lower level. The close
was firm, IA to a 3-4c net higher,
May $l90 "a to $1.91 and July $l.62
Ia to $162 1-2.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
COY, X 0 . q NJ
VISITS MILl.A|Tl
GRAND FORKS

Grand Forks, Feb. 7.--Governor
Sorlie accompanied by O. l.. Spencer
manager Of the North Dakota mill
and elevator. arrived in the city to-
day. Governor Sorlie, when inter
viewed, declared he came here on
private business, but has made trip
to the state plant this afternoon. He
said conditions at the mill are pro
ceeding satisfactorily. ....
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
May Disband
Guard COMPANY

Devils Lake, N. D., Feb. First
1t. E. l.. Kneeshaw, of the Devils
Lake Howitzer company, has issued
am urgent appeal to the people of
the city in an effort to encourage
enlistments in the Howitzer COM
pany, which now is on the verge of
being discontinued because of the
small membership, due to enlistments
which have recently expired.
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
MINNEAPOLIS GRAIN

minneapolis, Feb. Wheat re-
ceipts TIA cars compared with 1872
cars a year ago. No. l northern,
$i.79k to s1.82k; cash No. dark
northern spring, choice TO fancy,
$E97A to $2.111a; good to choice,
$LS5A to $1.96k; ordinary to good,
$E80A to $1.94k; No. I hard spring,
$685. to $2.11h; No. 1 dark hard
M6ntara on track, $1.s3R to $2.11h;
to arrive. $685. to $2.11h; May
$l.83k; July $1.S1k.
sEorn No. 3 yellow, s1.22A to $1.23
"; oats No. 3 white, 523sc to 9sc;
barley, s3c to 95c; rye No. 2, $1.521s
to $1.52as; flax No. l., $500 to $500
The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, N.D.) 1916-current, 1925-02-07
Americans Are
Dinner Guests
OF King George

London, Feb. THE king and
queen and distinguished company
of Britons and Americans were the
dinner guests last evening of AM
bassador and Mrs. Kellogg at Crewe
house, their London residence. Mr..
Kellogg is leaving soon to succeed
Charles Evans Hughes as secretary
of state.
The gathering at the American en-
voy's abode was significant in more
than a social sense, for it is seldom
their majesties break bread at other
tables than their own and there is
no recent instance of their having
attended a formal dinner at the
home of any diplomat assigned by a
foreign nation to their court.