Evening star., 1925-08-02
FAVORITE TALES OF NOTED FOLK
TO AMUSE MACMILLAN'S PARTY
Much Needed Laughs Ease Solitude Of Arctic Con
tributed by Many Friends of EspIorers-Leader
Will Tell One Story a Day.


/ Senator Copeland sent a halfdozen
laughs, mostly political, though there
was one clever medical story. The
one Macmillan will probably appre-
ciate most was about a boy who was
sitting in the Senate gallery with his
father. The session was opened with
prayer The little fellow tugged at
his fathers coat tails and asked:
Father, is he praying for the Sen
ators"' NO" my son." answered
the wise father, "he looks at the Sen
ators and prays for the country"
Bruce Barton's Story.
Bruce Barton wrote a true story
about an advertising friend of his,
George Fowler. "One night when Mr..
Fowler reached home his wife said:
George, you must hear your daugh-
ter say her prayers So the husband
and wife went up to the little girls
room and she knelt beside her mother
and repeated the Lords Prayer. end
ing with, Dear Lord, forgive US our
debts as we forgive our DENTIST
Gov. Fuller's stories had to do with
a farmer and Swede laborer The
Swede came late to work each day
and the farmer said to him. collie,
you will have to be on time or l shall
have to fire you. The next time you
are late I shall discharge you" SO
lOllie bought himself a secondhand
alarm clock and all went we'll for a
week or so. But one day the alarm
did not go off and Ollie was late. He
was fired on the spot. Ollie returned
to his room. There he took the clock
apart to find out why it did not go
off. A look of enlightenment came
over Ollie's face. "Oh, I know what
ban the matter" he said to himself,
the engineer he bane dead
Puzzle Laugh
Blanche Ring contributed a cross
word puzzle laugh. A Jew was solv-
ing crossword puzzle. He said to
his family, Give me a word in one
letter that means a food. and it isn't
T. Quick. Give up? X' (meaning
eggs for those who do not get the ac-
cent?.
Mike Hennessey was catholic in
his contribution, giving several
laughs in different dialects. One was
about a little Jewish boy in school.
The teacher asked all the children
who wanted to go to Heaven to stand
up. Every pupil arose except Ikey.
Why, Ikey. don't you want to go
to Heaven" asked the astonished
teacher. No" was the answer,
Papa says that business is going to
hell"
| Wellington Cross wrote: "A man
motoring across the country had
great deal of trouble with his car
one blowout after another. When
he finally got fixed up he broke speed
records out in William Jennings
Bryan's country and was arrested
The judge fined him $40. The man
laid down a $40 bill and walked out
The Judge called after him. Come
back. 1 fined you $40 and you have
left 500 That's all right answered
the speeder. am going away from
here a hell of a lot faster than l came
in "
Spike MacCormick wrote humor-
Gus monologue which had to do with
explorers and adventurers and told
about what he had discovered on a
! Winter expedition to Buffalo. The
! ramble of nonsense ended with: THE
scourge of the North tBuffalo) is
! the wandering rum hound whose wild
howls may be heard throughout the
; long Winter night
A Green Hemorrhage.
Ernest Thompson Seton wrote
about an Irishman who dropped can
, of green paint from the scaffolding.
5 Pat came by and called up, Mike,
e have YOU had a hemorrhage?"
! Mayor Hylan sent delightful Irish
D story. 1t seems that Pat was a very
l bad provider and very hard drinker-
: His family suffered and was always
/ in want. The day came when Pat
I went to sleep for the last time. The
2 funeral services were held i'm the ca
e thedral and the priest eulogized the
t departed husband. "A good provider,
+ u kindly husband. gentle father,
+ the priest went on. Mary did not un-
Y derstand. She nudged her son and
e whispered: Hist. Tommy. look about
j. nd if there's another CORPSE
S the church.
r There is not space to give all the
stories. However, this report would
I not be complete without Jackie Coo
I gan's contribution. His letter was
written in a bold. open scrawl and
!, also stated. the letter being written
during the recent hot SPELL This
!, weather makes me wish i were sit
: ting at the foot of the North Pole eat
S ing an ice cream cone. Then he IN
a cluded three delightful stories and a
. Conundrum
=, The first story was about woman
;, who knew the manager of the Zieg-
!; field Follies. She was passing the
/ theater with her little boy on a very
). hot day and dropped in to the matinee
n to cool off IA moment. AS they sat
|; down in one of the back seats the little
t fellow asked in loud voice: Mamma,
: do they have Indians in the Follies?
7. Hush my child: no. be quiet" whis-
. pered the mother. But the little chap
5 did not mind and asked so that every
= one in the theater could hear: Then
). who scalped all those men in the front
/ row.
!. Another OF Jackies contributions
I was: Two travelling men were in the
e South. They went into restaurant
e for breakfast. One man ordered
= orange juice and two boiled eggs.
His companion told the waiter to
bring him an order of orange
juice, but to eliminate the eggs. The
waiter looked puzzled, but went out.
+ In a moment he returned and asked
e for the order again. The second man,
. seeing his confusion, said. after his
Y friend had repeated the order, I'll
S have the same, only eliminate the
: eggs. Again the waiter went away
S confused and returned with the cook.
The cook asked what the order was.
o BY this time the two men were thor
r oughly enjoying the confusion, and
l. repeated the order as they had given
e It, The cook stood nonplussed a mo-
b ment and then said, Use sorry, sir,
t but the dishwasher done break the
e | handle on the liminator.'" :"
e A Conundrum.
. The conundrum which pleased Jackie
7 so much is: IA man and goose
y went up in a balloon. The balloon
y broke and the man and the goose fell
= : on church steeple. How did the man
u get down?" The answer, which Jackie
+ grasped SO readily, has stuck many
{ an adult HE plucked the goose
Z And If that is not laugh provoking,
lSfa h irE hof