davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
MONTE CARLO, Aug. 81.

MONTE CARLO, Aug. 81. -
Ava Monte Carlo is the chief town,
though not the capital, of what is
in some respects the most fortunate
state on earth.
For one thing, there is very lit
tie Of it, and the area Of potential
trouble is about the size Of a
giants back garden. A nurse could
wheel a child in perambulator
from end to end Of the Principal
ity Of Monaco without feeling that
she had over-exerted herself.
Still more is the Principally of
Monaco to be congratulated on the
fact that its inhabitants pay no
taxes. 1t is the visitors to Monte
Carlo who pay all the taxes. The
losses Of visitors at the roulette
tables are sufficient, not only to
pay a dividend to the sharehold-
ers in the Casino, but to support
the reigning family, the army and
the police.
The army is so small and go
harmless that it would reconcile
even an extreme pacifist to the ex-
istence of military institutions.
1t consists Of about 20 men, &C.
cupying the amusingly-Pginted SEN
try boxes outside the Princes Pal
ace on the steep rock on which the
old town Of Monaco stands.
FIGURE OF HERCULES.
As you look at these soldiers from
the sunny square outside the pal
ace, in the bright colors and braids
Of their uniforms, you half expect
TO see the conductor Of an orches-
ira raising his baton, a bevy of
vivandieres tripping out of the
wings and the gallant army of the
state joining the girls in rolling
out a comic opera chorus.
In the circumstances, there is
something particularly delightful in
the fact that the coinage Of Mon
AGO is stamped with the mighty fig
ures Of Hercules as well as with
the admirable motto, "Deo juvante. /"
The name of Monaco, as you
learn from the guide books, is de-
rived from a translation Of the
name II the Phoenician Hercules,
who had a temple before the Casino
was built.
Monaco, however, had long since
given up the arts Of war for the arts
Of peace. The old cannon that guard
the ramparts on the rock are by now
ornaments and antiquities, and the
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
I'd Like to Be the Last Guy on Earth

following we started out on the
great adventure which will go down
in my ANIMALS as the most fun I
ever had outside of the few days
subsequent to the removal of my
appendix.
To describe the Ice Glen in de-
tail is impossible as well as cor
roding to a man of my sensibilities.
Sufficient to say that the way
you got through was to climb on
all tours to the top of rocks that
made the Woolworth bldg. look
like a rug and then tumble down
to the ledge below where your foil
was partially broke by more rocks
which the surface of which was as
soft and smooth as Dempsey's left
hand. Two or three miles of this
and I wished you could of seen my
shoes and trousers to say not a wd.
in regards to my shirt and face. As
for ice they wasn't no spot in the
whole joint where you couldn't of
broiled steak BY just taking it out
of your pocket.
As we staggered towards the
exit one of the gals counted on me
426 mosquitoes, 70 horse flies and
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
misunderstood

Well, that was the Camel which
broke up the last straw, for me, and
when Geo. come home that evening
why naturally / took il out on him.
What's the matter old lady? be
says when he seen me. And ! says
old lady, huh, that's what I'm get
ting to be and no wonder, the life i
lead, never going no place, and
nobody to understand my artistic
temperament.
And Geo. says aw come, Jennie,
that amt fair. / got some artistic
feeling myself. And l says, yes, if
you're a artist, draw up a chair. j
wanner talk 70 you. And be says
shoot IL you must this half-bald
head, but spare my pOckct-book, he
said.
50 I says now lookit here, Geo 1
says, DO you realize where we are
not getting any younger every day.
and that we haven't seen the world
nor anything, and that we live
shout as adventurous and romantic
hs coupla stuffed rabbits?
And Geo. says zee, sure i realize
Il. / often wisht J had been a sea
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

But it had class, the same as a
book that is written careful, by
Shakespeare, or Elinor Glyn, or
somebody. And I'm here to tell the
world that picture wasn't no more
like the old style dramas had seen
before, then a one-piece dress is like
a leg-o-mutton sleeVed costume, or
a boyish-bob is like a pompadour.
Well, I kinda woke up outa a
trance when the feature finished
and the orchestra commenced to
play, but Hot Bozo, 1 still dread
ed the comedy. Yet when it come
Oh stayed on account Geo. want
ed to, and that comedy was as
empty of pies as a bakery on Sat
urday night.
LAID UP BUT NOT SICK.
It was laid up in Alaska, but not
laid up in the sense Of being sick.
And while the scenery and etc. was
undoubtedly a take off on Eskimos,
North Polish explorers, and etc. still
by the parody a person got a pretty
good idea of what it was like up
there, with a laugh throw in. L
dunno when have laughed so much
at anything since my mother-in-law
sat in the fly-paper. l always did
like refined jokes.
Well anyways, as I set there
looking at them pictures, l COM
menced to realize where this evening
was the first time l had completely
forgot myself in a long while. And
I could see by Coos face that Geo.
was having a good time, too! After
so many yrs. of married life why
naturally / can tell even in the
dark pretty much what he is think
ing.
It didn't take much detective
work to see where every time the hero
socked the villain, Geo. was taking
one out of that mean office mana
ger. or how, when the prince brought
the beautiful lady a chariot and
bunch Of jewels, George, the ole
dear, was slipping me a Limousine
and a handful of flexible diamond
bracelets, and saying, here. old lady
are a few trifles TO throw around
you never expected me to max,
good like this, didja, but / asked tn
boss for a raise today, and he say
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
Monte Carlo Justifies Its Fame
AS Great Resort

NAMED unaffected. If you struck
work in Monte Carlo you would be
marched over the border by the
police.
Monaco, indeed, is hardly demo-
cratic state in the modern sense of
the words. If you buy a little
booklet, giving the conditions Of adj
mission to the Casino, in French
and in English, you will read
among them:
1t is required that visitors should
be correctly dressed to be admitted
into the rooms, the access Of which
is not granted to workmen and
servants.
But it is not only the working
classes who are barred from the
joys of gambling at Monte Carlo
as may be seen from a further
and fuller list of excluded persons,
which runs:
Admission to the rooms is strict
ly and absolutely refused to: Pub
lie notaries, public officers, col
lectors Of taxes, bank .erks, all
persons dealing with public or
private funds, paymasters, ladies'
companions, attendants, servants,
and generally to all those who are
not of independent means.
You could be happy at Monte
Carlo, however, even If you were
not admitted to the gambling
rooms.
Perhaps, in the end, you would
be all the happier.
BIRDS, FLOWERS AND TREES.
How charming the world seems
from the moment at which you
wake W and throw open the W1n-
dows above a blue sea falling, far
beneath you, on a white shore in
the sun! How enhancing to 90
back to bed again and listen to
the chiffchaffs singing in the
low gardens Of oranges and lemons
Then, when you get up for good
you can sit in the window and sec
the sun shining on three states
MANAGE, France and Italy. The
medieval town Of Roquebrune
with its ruined castle, hangs high
above you in the cliffs Of the noun
tains.
Even the Casino itself is set in =
wonderful garden Of trees and
flowers. Every kind Of tree from
the sunny parts Of the world grow
at Monte Carlo as If in its native
warmth, and there are exotic hor
rors Of green in these gardens tha
look less like plants than like wild
beasts.
Universal Seryiee-LOndOn Daily New
Correspondence.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

AS BUFFALO BILL, the man
"A who invented The Great Open
Spaces where men are men, the
plumbing old fashioned and women
are governors, once said. The
trouble about going away some
place for a change is that you've
got 10 take yourself with you"
And how true that is come home
70 I and George, that's my husband,
not very long ago when ! got fed
M with being a mere wife *
mother.
1 dunno, / guess 1 an different
from other ladies, I guess If had
of had the chAnst i would of been
a artist. anyways, / onct painted a
bunch of pansies on a dish and they
was READ good al except the favour
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
BY Ring Lardner

What next? At first glance the
question of food would seem like
the most serious proposition
specially if you had never learned
to cook, but on second thoughts
you could live on sardines or 80
down town and get your meals at
the automat as long as your change
lasted. As for transportation the
absence of motormen, engineers and
chauffeurs don't mean that they
wouldn't be no st. cars, trains or
taxis left and you would be poor
fish if you could not learn to drive
one or the other. Further and more
l can't think of nothing more
pleasanter than driving a taxi
around town without caring moth
ing about what the meter said or
whether the signs was go or stop.
The last person on earth wouldn't
half to shave if they was a man,
bother about their hair if they was
a woman or wash II they was a kid.
He, she or it wouldn't half to work
because they wouldn't be nothing to
spend money on. No matter what
time you got home nights or got
up afternoons they wouldn't be no
body to bawl you out. All and oil
a person ought to be tickled to death
to be the last of the race and the
only disadvantage I can see would
occur il you suddenly thought Of
some very funny remark and no.
body to tell it to. Personly l
haven't much hopes of the honor
falling my way as I am pretty sure
Of being outlived by Rockefeller,
Depew and Thaw to name only 3.
NICE LITTLE OUTING.
Practically every town in the
Q. s. and a specially New England
has got some point of interest which
a visitor must go look at it or the
home folks amt satisfied. Like for
inst. they's the Bunker Hill monu-
ment in Boston and the birthplace
of Glenna Collett in Providence
and the home of my sister-in-law in
bingham.
Well any way a party Of US was
recently up to Stockbridge, Mass,
as the guests of the Crowninshield
boys and having a pretty good time
what with golf, bridge and one
thing another when all of a sudden
one Of mine hosts says before you
go back home you must go through
the Ice Glen. What is the Ice
Glen he was asked. Why he said
it is a Glen between 2 big mountains
where the temperature is always be-
low freezing point winter and sum-
mer and even now in the midst Of
the heated term you can pick big
hunks of ice out of the various
hooks and crannies in the Glen.
Well we played golf in the A. NJ.
and got all heated up and then come
back to the house and bathed and
dressed, me in beautiful white
striped trousers and white shoes
that didn't yet hardly know me
by name. With mine host leading
the way ard 2 of the gals and ]
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
Married Folk Just Have To Get Used
To One Another And Know What
Each Other Desires

a good hold onto Geo. in the dark
to protect me.
When them big old style ships
with the gallus-slaves sailed out on
the ocean / felt like / was taking
the very wind out of their sails, If
you get the idea. Ia was a whole
lot better than reading a book, on
account a person didn't half to dig
through the descriptions by the
hour, you seen the descriptions, by
the minute.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

ITO the Editor:
i One point the Bible and these
scientists seems to agree on is that
the human race amt going to last
forever and sooner or later as Mr..
Brisbane points out they will be
Just one man or woman or child
left on the face of what has been
so aptly turned Mother Earth. This
being the case the first question
that naturally springs to persons
mind is will it be me and If so
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
Eavesdropping

DERYL: THAT girl is a regular
D talking machine"
Betty: Worse than that. She's
as two-faced as a record"
Flora: Would you marry man
because Of his wealth."
Dora: "If ! loved a boy I would
not mind how many millions he
had"
dad" said Clarence, what's
three-letter word meaning trouble!"
yes" growled his father, who
was wishing he had been struck
dumb the day he proposed.
%Splendid!7 said she, as he slip
ped the engagement ring on her
finger. Splendid! You've hit on
my fayorite stone, which IS more
than any Of the others ever did.
Its the one l always use" said
be.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

captain or run FOR Pres. or some
thing. But what are we conner do
about it? he says, it takes money to
travel and to get romance into a
persons life. Well, 1 says, we don't
live but the once and 1 personally
myself want to see something of the
world before they order my wooden
kimona, I'd certainly like to go to
China, or Ketchum Falls or some
place. -
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

wottle I do (by Irving Berlin)!
To begin with of course 1t would
take quite a vile to find out that
you was all alone (by Irving Ber-
linz. If your telephone is anything
like our one you could not make
sure that way because some times
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

we can set all day with the re-
ceiver to our ear and not get moth
ing but static. You would half to
write letters to a great many peo-
pie, even people you do not know,
and when the letters was all re-
turned marked no one here by that
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

name, then you would have some
circumstantial evidence that the
population was about gone.
FAINT CHANCE.
To make it conclusive all that
would be necessary would be to
put up a sign in front of your
house or place of business saying
no parking here and IL nobody
parked you would know for sure
that the human race all but you
had persisted.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

cannon balls that lie in heaps be-
side them cause no apprehension to
the League Of Nations.
And yet Monaco is just as sus-
picious of the stranger as if it were
a militant state. When you ar
rive at a hotel in France, you have
TO write out the chief facts Of your
life on a sheet Of paper. In Mon
AGO, however, your passport is TAX
en- from you at your hotel, and tenn
porarily handed over to the po-
lice.
IN SEARCH OF CROOKS.
Nor is this the only time you feel
you are being put through the eye
Of a needle at Monte Carlo. If
you go to the Casino, you cannot
get an admission card till you have
once more produced your passport
and a clerk has entered all the facts
it contains in a ledger.
cannot understand why so many
people should write about Monte
Carlo as though it were a haunt Of
crooks and criminals.
So far as can judge, it is full
flor the most part) Of perfectly
respectable people who have trav-
eled long distances in the vain hope
Of seeing crooks and criminals.
No doubt, the gray-haired Ameri-
can lady who sits at the table next
to mine in the dining room suspects
and hopes that l am a crook and a
criminal with a deceptive air OF
melancholy.
The simple fact is that, in most
of its hotels and pensions Monte
Carlo is just as respectable as
Hastings. You hear the same kind
Of conversations after lunch.
"Oh, my dear-that last novel I!
II WAS 100 uLtaululs ~ was ea
about strikes. I'm not going TO
finish It. hate reading about
strikes"
"That's very funny" says her
friend (wbo is knitting) without q
smile, "the last two novels I've
had have been both about strikes. I
quite agree with you. don't want
to be reminded of such things"
"No," murmurs the other, Il
hate books about strikes or tbs
war"
CORRECT DRESS.
Well, If they don't like strikes
they have come to the right place
for no strikes are allowed in thu
Principally Of Monaco.
/ see in Miss Helena Walters
interesting little book on the Riv
iera that, in 1920, when the hote
employees struck all along tn
French Riviera. Monte Carlo re
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

80, 456 beads of Precipitation. We
met a corpse of Girl Scouts enter
ing the Glen from where we was
going out. They had their stock
ings rolled so that their knees was
bare and they was all equipped
with heavy blankets to wrap them
sells up when they came to the
places where it was coolest. When
1 thought of what the mosquitoes,
flies and heat was going to do to
these innocent little lassies. would
of broke down and laughed II I
hadn't Of been crying.
II / can ever coax the Crown
inshield boys TO come out to Great
Neck am going to set aside one
afternoon for a picnic In the in
cinerating plant.
RING LARDNER.
Copyright, 1925, BY the Bell
Syndicate, Inc.)
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
A BATH TUB VOICE.

So naturally with all this past
behind me, get times when l feel
like I have been wasted on a domes-
tic life, and that if / hadn't married
Geo. / might Of been great opera
singer hot-rolling around in Vienna
or else quite the Louy Cats Whis-
kers as a actress in France. Why
/ got a pretty good voice even now,
especially in the bath tub.
Well anyways this day l am talk
ing about was enough 10 get any
body upset, especially if they was
already inclined that way. 1t seemed
in the morning where if 1 hadda
wash another dish I would scream,
and when It come to ordering the
meals felt 1 was liable to kill the
butcher if be hadn't by now invent
ed some new kind of meat
Any married lady will understand
what l mean, on account every onct
in a while we all desperately hope
that Noah had a coupla edible ami
mails on the ark that had so far been
overlooked, but the butcher will have
a nice fresh cut Of them today.
But the butcher didn't, as per
usual, and when ] had got my liv-
ing room busted for the eighteen
millionth time since my wedding,
who would call up on the phone
only Miss Demssnor, that bottle
blonde, and whatter you know if she
didn't do 50 70 say good bye, she
was going on a little trip to Eu-
rome
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30

when they washed off in some
gravy.
And when burnt designs was the
style, 1 done the head of Indian
on a leather sofa-cusbion. At least
/ think il was a Indian but then
again it might of 5een q hen, it was
kinda hard to tell when l got
through, but anyways, it had feath-
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-08-30
Telling 1t to George.

And Geo. says 1 knew you had
some place in mind, you been read
ing about that Ketchum Falls ex-
cursion, but nothing doing it cost
s60.9S. I amt going to spend the
money not when we got a perfectly
good home right here, but 1 tell you
what, let's go to the movies tonight
what say?
Well, what would any convention
al wife say to a remark like that!
Naturally 1 give in, thinking how
perfectly hopeless to try and get
some understanding out Of mere
husband! To commence with Geo.
knew 1 didn't care nothing about
the pictures. / got fed up on them
long ago when we was first mar
ried, and l hadn't been in picture
theater, hardly, since Junior come.
So, says 1 hate feature pictures,
Geo. it's always the same old dope,
and as for the comedies, well, L
see plenty of custard pies in full
action right here in my own kitchen,
but / will 20 if you insist, anything
is better then sitting around and
around in the same old circle at
home.
ON A MOVIE SPREE.
Well, Geo. got out the flivver
and 1 got out Georges pay envelope,
and we went on down town to the
Palace. which was the new theater
in town, and will say it was real
pretty inside. 1t was cool and Clean
a whole lot better then the stuffy
old place used to be there yrs. ago.
And even while / had come deter
mined not to enjoy myself and give
Geo. any satisfaction, l commenced
TO, as soon as the program started.
Well, the first part was a news
reel, and inside Of fifteen minutes
/ seen Washington, D. C., China,
australia and the Trafalgar Lions
in London, Eng, all with news
tagged on. And then come the fea-
ture, a story Of old times in Eng
land and Africa, with ships and
fights and the sweetest lovestory
And there wasn't no bunk about
any Of it.
1t made a person feel they was
actually living in them times it was
all 50 beautiful, and yet at thu
same time so natural and real. The
leading lady was a peach, she wal
something my own style, and wha'
that poor girl didn't have to &
through! A awful mean cat Of ;
woman certainly double-crossed he
right, a party which looked consid
erably like my best friend, tina
Mabel Bush.
LIVES HEROINES PART
] forgot all about the theatre
about Geo. and Junior, and washing
dishes, and believe you me, l wal
that girl in the picture, my very
own self, for two whole entire hours
/ pretty near died when my sweet
heart got captured by the pirateI
and beaten up. And then they tool
me and put me up for sale as {
slave, / pretty near persisted FOL
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-04
CHARLES DEAN, 81,
VETERAN PRESS.KEY
MAN, WRITES $50"

MILWAUKEE. Nov. 4.-R-
Charles Dean, for 26 years CORE
spondent of the Associated Press at
Milwaukee. died today while prepar-
ing to leave for his daily tasks.
DR.. Dean retired from the Asso-
ciated Press two years ago after
spending 80 years with the organiza-
ton as telegrapher and a news man.
He did not retire from active life,
however, becoming assistant market
editor on the Milwaukee Sentinel.
During his years of newspaper serv-
ice here Mr.. Dean had covered all the
important events in the city's history.
He was 81 years old and was born in
Canada. He came to this country
when a youth, breaking into newspa-
per work as press reporter.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-04
Summon 20 Mitchell Witnesses
Hubby Switches
Wife He Accuses
Misconduct

Police have filed this in their
collection Of torture stories.
Angered at his wife over her
alleged misconduct, a uniformed
man selected a piece of half-inch
wire cable as an instrument of
torture Tuesday night.
Tying his wife's hands TO the
bed post he INDUCED in prac-
tice which would have put the
"auto de fe" to shame.
"One. two, three - lie
counted.
With the count he pelte6 her
bare legs with the cable. 1t was
not long until the blood flowed
from the wounds inflicted.
Neighbors notified officers and
the husband was arrested by De-
tectives Carver and Fox.
He was booked on a charge OF
aggravated assault.
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-04
Old Sol Just g
SmiHn' Through
In 5. A.
"Smilin' through"

"Smilin' through"
That's what genial Old Sol
was doing in Sunny San An
tonic, Wednesday, :fter two days
of weeping weather and slippery
streets.
And Weather Observer jar
Doe, once more in a reasonable
frame of mind, was promising
continued sunshine for Thurs
day, with slightly cooler weather
on Friday by way Of variety.
A high pressure area, lowering
over the northwest Rocky noun
tains, was bringing cold weather
to our friends Of the frozen
north, while San Antonio, back
TO normal once more was con-
graduating herself on her incom-
parable climate, than which
there is no wicher."
San Antonio light. [volume] (San Antonio, Tex.) 1911-1993, 1925-11-04
MEXICO CLOSES SPAN
TO u. S. AT 8 P. M.

BROWNSVILLE. Nov. 4.-P-
Beginning tonight the international
bridge between Brownsville and Mata-
moros will be closed on the Mexican
side at o'clock at night instead of
u o'clock, as heretofore. The order
comes from Crisoforo J. Rcdondo, new
immigration chief at Matamoros, who
assigns the reason for this action as
a desire TO check the immortality al
legged to exist there.