davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

If men were as great slaves to fashion as the women are, doubtless by this time they would be going around in beaded trousers.
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

"Did you fall?" asked the man as he rushed to the rescue of we'll known local lady who had slipped on the icy walk in the uptown business section last week.
 "Oh, mo-" she replied sweetly, [" I just sat down here to see if I could not find some four leaf clovers."
 Relating the incident later he remarked, Gosh, think she must be getting a bit off in the head to make such a funny an- 'swer."
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

1 De'roit woman robbed a man and gave the money to her husband, but they are hard to train that way.
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

AVha+ different world this " I he # people would only ma gnifv their blessings the way they do their troubles.
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

U7u Il the half that has not benn 4o'd If most people is the better half.
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

Little Jane was walking in the country with her mother.
 Gracious! What was that noise?" exclaimed the mother, as a loud below rent the air.
 "Oh, that's COW mooing, Mother" Jane answered, "She is trying to sell her milk"
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

Merl says he knows fellow who thinks daylight savings is a bank and trust company.
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18
Just For Fun

.JUOl lW lm
 It isn't only the Recording Angel and Central who know everything that goes on in a Hick town.
 Nearly all de folks dat knows enough to give good ad- vice." said Uncle Eben, "is lawyers or doctors or some body dat charges real money | for it."
 The happiest woman in the world is a fat woman when she runs across another fat woman who is quite a little bit fatter. An Ohio girl fell from a sec ond story porch and sustained injuries for which a jury gave her $15,000 damages. That's falling into money. The average age of flappers has been altered. It is now any, where between eighteen and eighty.
 { The Blueberry Kid asserts that the illiterate deserve but a half portion of pity because of their inability to read. He says only half of the stuff is fit to read, anyway. i There will continue to be con- siderable unrest in this country until everybody finds out how so many persons of small means raise the money to buy closed cars.
 Most married men wish they were the devils their wives suspect them to be.
 Diner (who found wood in his sausage)-Waiter, don't mind the dog, but I bar the kennel.
 1 Dora-I'm going to be mar ried.
 Cora-But I thought you hat ed men.
 i Dora-Oh, yes, I did, but one of them proposed to me. 1 When the feeling comes upon you that you must talk, try talking to yourself and see how you punish others.
 Pancakeandsausaging these cool mornings?" asks Max. B.
 Irate customer-"This Bathing suit you sold me is wretched thing. I was in the water only five minutes and it shrunk four 1 inches.
 Modest Clerk Gosh. lady, it was a good thing you came out when you did"
 The most disgusting thing about paying rent is that it wont stay paid. 1 A noted professor says that present day children are as good as their parents.
 That ought to shock some people.
 After biting Noel, the Jingle Bug apparently decided to find a new victim in the sedate R
Hyder weekly herald., 1925-02-18

After biting Noel, the Jingle Bug apparently decided to find a new victim in the sedate person of Hubert T. Anyway just look at what he handed us the other day. "A dairy maid mixed a pen sive goat,
 And, pouting, paused to nut ter; l wish, you brute, you'd turn to milk.
 And the derncd thing turned to butt 'er."
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
Give Us a Mothers Pension
Law for the D. c.
By BILL PRICE

There is cheering news for widowed deserted mothers
with little children
dons chairman has drafted bill to present to Congress pro-
viding the creation of mother pension fund.- to be
administered by the Board of Charities
There will be other local welfare legislation before Con-
gres of which will not be unitedy supported This
measure of dependent little should have
no opposition should have the unstnted backing every
human being with kindly heart in the District Of Columbia
and religious leaders battling against
diminishing influence and lax family The
strong of the future be those who have
ibbed correct teachings in the home in the churches and
schools
The children to be ped are atherless through
death deseron and where poverty always at the door
The thought any community should to these little
and their mothers nearest female kin Committing children
institutions than letting them live in the streets
Better still is furnish struggling mothers with financial aid
to these little under home influence and training
The good mother deserves municipal aid In many
comparatively small financial assistance would enable these
mothers to keep their children under their instead of
letting them among relatives into institutions The home
life is thereby preserved
mothers pension fund that supplies equitable financial
assistance will be wonderful encouragement to lonely
with great burdens upon them walk the straight and
path and foster their children the honorable things
blacklist hour in the life Of when she must be
from her children The scarlet trail Of womanhood
often begins right here Keep the little with the mother
and the trail though full of disbursements is white and
that the children when they attain the of hepuness and
usefulness will have their chance in the world and will then
care for the mother.
The morally unfit mother will receive benefits
the proposed pension fund.- but such fund will go long
way toward lettering the conditions that lead untnes
The Public Welfare Commission should seek fund that
Will not be measley aid is to be given mothers
should be sufficient to accomplish the purposes intended
the keeping together of families in need That charity which
just enough to barely sustain life poor charity
The aid given should be reasonable
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
DIR. FRANK CRANES
DAILY EDITORIAL
BY DOCTOR FRANK CRANE
BYTE. Powers
The Sunny Side Of Doubt

yENNYSON somewhere used the phrase the sunny side
of doubt :
Without doubt you have the right to doubt any
thing you want to- This free country and
compel your opinion
But while you doubling, why not doubt that which
bad and unpleasant and do not take for granted that
everything good is to be doubted
just easy to doubt the devil and evil as to
doubt God and the good.
It just easy to doubt catastrophe is to doubt
good fortune.
1t just easy suspect that evil cannot last all the
time it be suspicious of the enduring powers of
goodness and good luck. I
There is such thing dark side of doubt To live
there render ONES self miserable and to sap ones
vitality.
And then there is the sunny side of doubt We doubt
death and disease ard calamity and all such things and
pitch tent altogether the sunny side of the hill
1t just easy live in sunshine the shadows
1t Is all matter of point of view anyway
There who born optmistSland who
pessimss Neither Of them knows absolutely how things
going out but there be doubt that the
optimjsts have better time and get of life by
believing the goo! and assuming to be than the
pessimists who believe that everything that is bad true
1t hard where the professional pessmsts who
their satisfaction out of e There must be the
kind of satisfaction in being pessmst there in
having tooth and working at all the time.
AS Far the general health of the mind
optimism is better than pessmism. We justified
turning from unpleasant and bitter thoughts much
possible It right for to face the light and live
in the sunlight all that possibly There enough
darkness and misery in this world that have undergo
without seeking it.
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
Nothing to Do?

According the election housewife occupa-
ton.
According to the dictionary occupation
That which occupies engages, the time and attention.
the principal business of one life
Legally the mother of four five children has nothing
to engage her time and attention"
There plenty Of who will agree with the law There
who spend eight hours in office doing little who
will home all tired out and tell their wives how easy the
lot of the homokeeper is. Of such men, enough!
Let's look into the average home the other side Of
picture.
At daylight It is the first Baby awake
and must be attended TO- Breakfast must be prepared Little
faces must be washed while food is cooking The coffee
be JUST RIGHT for the husband and father Otherwise there
will be storm The school hour Children must be
washed again and sent their way Dshwasng scrubbing
mendng more cooking against the hungry return of the chill
dren--
So goes the forenoon
The afternoon is the Then evening and the
tired husband He has to be comored despite the fact
are a thousand more important things to do.
Finally the children are asleep and the husband is taking
his in his big chair
AT LAST the woman has time to GET SOME OF HER
WORK DONE!
Occupation" she asks. why bless me- haven't time
for one'
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
ONCE-OVERS
DON'T COURT POPULARITY TOO MUCH

AT times you wonder why you not popular
To win favor you every request for money as it
comes to you.
You want to be thought liberal.
But while you go with the crowd, you really
part of it.
Probably work too hard gain fleeing popuaritv
Fear Of offending keeps you ukewarm all questions
that up
You try to carry water both shoulders and in
troversy you do not take definite stand.
You cannot create strong friendships without offending
You must be known person who thinks acts for
yourself.
You must have individuality if you would win strong sup
porters
Your wiy-nilly attitude constant effort make
yourself popular won't bring such result.
Be somebody and be something
1t is the only way you amount to anything gain
strong foothold in any crowd.
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
SAYINGS OF
MRS. SOLOMON
Helen Rowland.

Confessions of the tooth Vile
my Daughter, what is this
M altar, before which a man
offereth up his daily devotions?
10, it is the bath room mirror!
What is this Holy of Holes,
wherein he looketh and barri-
cadeth himself, and a wife seek
eth to enter at her peril?
What is this Sacred Rite, which
every man performeth in solenl-
nifty and silence and mystery, and
whereat no woman dareth inter-
rupt him?
Behold, it is his MORNING
SHAVE!
For. verify, verify, in all things
else. a woman may demand equal
rights; but, the first claim upon
the hot-water and the divine right
to monpolize the looking glass be-
fore breakfast is MANS.
Go to. In all the days of her
life, wat thrill can mere wo-
man know like unto that OF a
man who beholdeth himself emerge
from a snadowy and bristling
image into glistening and ro-
seate being?
What miracle doth any woman
perform, so wonderful as that
magic whereby a man transform
eth a soap-lathered and unhuman
countenance into the perfect like
ness Of a gentleman, with a few
passes Of the razor?
WHAT woman hath ever looked
so pure and innocent and beatific.
as man just after his morning
shave, when his countenance glow
eth as the rose of dawn, with
pinkness and health and self
complacency?
Behold, a seasoned wife RE-
SPECTETH the sanct1ty OF her
husbands shaving hour, and goeth
afar upon tip-toes.
But a bride, in her folly seek.
eth to be cute and playful"
while her Beloved lathereth his
chin and wieldeth his steel. She
pulleth his hair and seeketh to
kiss him. She is so vivacious
Yea, she is as a babe that shaketh
a stick of dynamite, to see if it
will rattle"
For, a man may forgive a wo-
man for murder or mayhem-but
never for treating him lightly,
while he is shaving!
Go to. A woman can hold a
hot curling-tong to her forehead
with one hand, while she gesti-
culateth wildly with the Other.
But a man with a sharp razor in
his hand is as awesome as Buddha
and the Sphinx combined!
Verify. verify, Woman hath
taken Mans ciSaret out of his
mouth; she has stolen his knick-
ers and his boyish bob; she hath
copied his clubs and usurped his
jobs; she hath beaten him TO
his economic" independence, and
sought to follow his "steppings."
But his MORNING SHAVE is
still his divine prerogative-his
last gesture of Masculine Distinc-
ton!
Let her hold it sacred and in
SELAH
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

Bladensburg duelling ground In
shipmen fought a fistic duel"
One was killed. Despite this
tragedy, naval officers averred
fist fighting was perfectly all
right, as it developed a manly
spirit in the embryonic admirals.
LET this be warning to all
wine, woman and song were
my downfall" This message was
sent Major Sylvester, head of
the police department. by an
employee of the Government Print
ing Office who decamped with
$4,000 of an employees symposium.
La Mana Nera-the dreaded
Black Hand-agatn raised its
bloody fist. in a wave of terrorism !.
The United States BrewefS
Association pleaded with Presi.
dent Roosevelt to use his in
fluence in preventing prohibit
tionists from making Indian
Territory dry when it was ad-
mitted to statehood.
William Shields, noted Wash
ington turfman, had the local
police running around in circles
looking for a $1,000 bill he said
he lost. Publicity stunt" sniff
fed skeptical reporters.
Joseph Martin lost a 81 bill 4
in North Capitol street yesterday.
He will pay liberal reward for its y
return to him"-Times persona4
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
By Garrett p. Serviss
Noted Astronomer and Writer
on Scientific Topics Of Pop
ular Interest


uIar Interest
TN my youthful days, in the
country where the Mohawk
and Schoharie rivers join, in cen
trail eastern New York, there were
still walnut trees to be seen. In
other parts of the land they were
numerous. Then walnut furn1'
ture suddenly came INTO vogue
and the trees disappeared. They
were chopped down, sawed up
and worked into chairs, tables,
sideboards, bedsteads, desks, secre.
taries, doors, banisters, mantels,
easements stalls (even horse
stalls), and a multitude of other
things about houses and build.
ings. This fad was contemporary
with that for brownstone fronts
in New York city.
It was a fad excusabIe for the
beauty that it brought. But
beauty must not be made too
common. Black walnut, when of
fine grain and skillfully polished,
has few superiors in richness OF
appearance. Some specimens are
yet to be seen in the houses of
old-fashioned people and in old
furniture shops, and some are
worth their weight in silver.
But whenever fashion succeeds
In making the whole world, or a
large part of the world, look all
alike 1t begins to sicken of its
work and starts new fad,
whcreupon the human sheep
chase one another over the fence
N N
came an end of the "black wal
nut craze" because people were
surfeited with it, but it was too
late 10 save the trees. The nav
or the sawmill had devoured
them.
Replace Walnuts
Now the time has come-in
fact, it really came years ago
when we ought to try to replace
the walnuts. / feel this the more
after seeing the abundance of
walnut trees in France. In Bur-
gundy and in the Vosges, for in
stance, they seem to grow every
where. You cannot take a walk
on hillside, among the cows, or
follow a path across the valley
fields, or even keep along a main
highway without always finding
some of them at hand
In late September and early
October the nuts are continually
falling.
One may hit you a friendly rap
on the head as you are walking
on metalled departmental
road" where the autos hum. l
see a woman ahead Of me sudden
ly stOop and pick up something
and put it in her pocket. Women
have pockets, though they only
know where they are. A road
side tree leans over her and the
pavement is Drowned with fallen
leaves, so l know what it is that
she has found, and / know, too,
its irresistible attraction. AS
pass the place where she was,
there is a slight rattle overhead
and a descending streak in tHe
air, followed by a muffled explo-
sion at my feet, as a little green
shell bursts apart and discloses
fresh. Iight-brown nut that
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
come Into me ALC CG THAT :.
LE0OR * ARE HEAVY LAOEH-

but his opinion of Jesus would
hardly be important to US if it
were not also the opinion of an
increasing number of our own
citizens.
Whether he lived or not, Jesus
has. in effect, become a legendary
character to countless thousands
of people whom you and / meet
daily. And to these thousands,
Georg Brandes' articles will come
as a confirmation of their own
doubts.
They will say-"Well, I knew it
all along. Isn't it fierce the kinda
bunk the churches have made
people swallow. Read this here.
Great stuff. Proves conclusively
that there never was such a per-
son as Jesus. OF course, they
found a Iotta documents written
about him and they've put them
in the Bible. But these docu-
ments were just make believe
stuff-and the people who wrote
them never expected they'd be
believed. Well-that's another
fake shown up
| shall not try to answer Mr..
BrandeG' contention nor reply t"
IIlc IeIIldEhS u InOSe WHO agree
with them. If / wish to believe
that Jesus lived, that's MY bust
ness. If you wish to believe that
he didn't live, that's YOUR bust
ness. And neither one Of us has
the right to try to shove his be-
liefs down the other fellows
throat.
But am going to ask a ques.
ton which Mr., Brandes' theoriz-
ing seems to have left un-
answered.
Suppose Jesus didn't live
HOW DOES THAT LESSEN
THE VALUE OF THE SERMON
ON THE MOUNT TO YOU AND
ME?
Suppose Jesus, a babe, WASN'T
born in the Manager
Does that lessen the beauty and
comfort of the Manager story?
Does that remove the wonder of
that light which dawned at last
for babes too poor to be born in
palaces? Does that make null and
void the promise of good will
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
JUST 20 YEARS AGO

Sailors of the British and Amer
lean fleets staged a picnic at
Conev Island. The $500 jolly
trenchermen ate the following:
%, 900 CLANS, 5000 pounds fish, 700
quarts coffee. 1000 pounds duck,
100 gallons ice cream, 5000 pounds
of chicken, $50 pounds cake, $50
pounds of nuts, and 5000 bottles
of Pilsener beer,
Jerome K. Jerome, British writer,
gave a few timely tips from an
idle fellow to the large gather
ing of fellow idlers who thronged
the National Theater.'
Dustin Farnum in Owen Wis
ter's THE Virginian. Remember
him?
Today the British people are
worried over the instability of
the Prince of Wales on horse.
Twenty years ago they were all
"teed up over King Edwards
penchant for motor car racing in
Londons streets.
'He wasn't such a great fellow
after ALL" was the way New York
wise-cracking theatrical people
viewed the death of Sir Henry
Irving.
Everybody Works But Father"
as sung by the late Lew Dock
stader, was sweeping the country.
Back in the early days of
the last century, naval officers
settled their differences on the
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

fresh they can be crushed in the
hand For all that l know, these
nutbearing walnuts may. some
how, differ from the trees that
we used to turn into furniture.
II that be so then we should as
soon as possible supply ourselves
with some of the French kind.
We have never properly appre-
ciated and taken care of our own
nut trees of various kinds. They
do these things better in Europe.
Half a generation ago we saw
our chestnuts swept off by an irA
vasion of insect enemies. There
are great numbers Of magnificent
chestnuts in France. and in Sicily
the chestnuts ARE dream" Per-
haps we treat the insects too
realistically. Old Americans re-
member the splendid hickories of
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

Does that sever the bond
which ties our own desert tempted
hearts to the story of his trial
and triumph?
Suppose Jesus didn't walk
among the poor, sharing their
simple fare, healing their sick,
weeping with them, rejoicing with
them, fighting their fights
DOES THAT UNDO THE
MAGIC OF THAT FIRST,
BRAVE VISION OF MANS
BROTHERHOOD?
Other prophets there have been
other ways to salvation and
glory. But never one that said:
GO OUT AND LIFT YOUR
BROTHER FROM THE MUD!
COUNT NOT YOURSELF SAVED
IF YOU MERELY ABSTAIN
FROM SHINING. RIGHTEOUS
NESS is NOT NEGATIVE; 1T IS
POSITIVE. YOU MUST DO
SOMETHING FOR SOMEBODY
ELSE BEFORE YOU CAN AT
TAIN MERIT FOR YOURSELF"
There was the bravest, kindli-
est rule of life that had ever
been given to men. Suppose that
Jesus didn't say it? 1T WAS
SAID. 1t came from out the
Source into mems lives. And if
authentic history gives no accu-
rate check on how it came, does
that greatly. matter?
And suppose no Jesus ever died
upon q cross
Does that remove the cross
from our own lives? Does that
prevent the crucifixion of every
eager, cropping soul that dares
defy the false and selfish code?
Does that quench the bright
glory Of those dying words
"FATHER FORGIVE THEM
FOR THEY KNOW NOT WHAT
THEY DO!
Or can it still the cry of kin
ship in our own hearts with that
suffering dreaming youth who
chose frightful death rather
than betray his faith?
A BODY is little thing to live
or die.
BUT LOVE AND COURAGE
they live on, immortal.
THEY ARE NO MYTH
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

draws the eye and the hand as
would gold nugget. l defy any
body to see one of these nuts
and not pick it up. Everyone
picks them up and fills his pock-
cts to bullying. For weeks l have
not taken a walk in any direc.
ton without coming home
charged, almost in spite of my
self, with a small cargo of nuts
found on public highways and
along regular beaten footpaths,
where whatever lies is treasure
trOVe.
Insect Enemies
These nuts are such excellent
eating that most finders can
not wait to get home with them,
but strew the way with provok-
ing shells-for when they are
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
OUR NUT TREES By GARRETT P. SERVISS

former days, They are few to-
day. / would travel miles to see
good one. They, too, have their
unterrified insect enemies: and
then-hickory wood is so firm, so
tough, so elastic, so excellent in
working, so good for handles to
tools, for AK halves, wheel rims,
and a. hundred other mechanical
purposes, that those noble trees,
with their toothsome, nutritious
nuts have all but passed into the
dreamland of memory.
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
SAP AND SALT
-Rv Bert Moses

You seldom find much sense
mixed up with a big noise.
regret to say it, but good
men find almost no popularity
among women.
Committees are arrangements
TO which things are referred when
delay is desired.
HeZ Heck says: THE world is
gettin' so big that they amt
enough big men to run it with
out occasionally goin' into Q
ditch"
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
SAYINGS OF WISE MEN

speak does not understand, and
when the man who speaks does
not understand himself. that is
metaphysics. -Voltaire.
Kindness by secret sympathy is
tied.
For noble souls in nature are
allied. Dryden.
Laura was blooming still, had
made the best
OF time, and time returned the
compliment Byron.
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
~ Z o r G
" B X A n DES,

~ Z o r G
u B r A N DES,
the Norwegian
critic, has writ
ten a treatise to
prove that the
story of Jesus is
a m Y t h. H e
claims that Jesus
was but one of
the great COM
pany of legen-
Diary heroic char
acters and that
he has no place
in actual history.
mo more true,
no more import
ant t h al the
o t h er legends"
reads the article
announcing t h e
p u b Ii C alton Of
t h 8 W rk in
America.
Georg Brandes
is a famous critic
The Washington times., 1925-11-11
LISTEN, WORLD!
By ELSIE ROBINSON

and peace which
came from heav-
en- to an earth
which had, til
then, known little
but cruelty and
war?
Even if Mr..
r r a n d e s c an
prove that the
miracle of Jesus
life never hap
pened, does that
disprove the mir
acle that such a
philosophy I'D
happen in such a
time? Or. that
the thought of it
has worked like
yeast in mems
heavy, darkened
lives ever since?
Suppose Jesus
didn't go into
that desert to be
tempted
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

Not to be abed after midnight
Is not to be up betimes.
Shakespeare.
Truth never was indebted to
a lie. Young.
Never join with your friend
when he abuses his horse or his
wife, unless the one Is about to
be sold and the other to be
buried. Cotton.
l. When the man, to whom you
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

somewhere used the phrase the sunny sid
81 doubt
The Washington times., 1925-11-11

Big Got Jolt When the JOva
Manager Handed Request One Thousand Berries