davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-05-24

that kind of places, which I have
always heard it was true Of the idle
rich and in fact about their only
activity, why / and my family wasn't
going no place near them, even if
the answer had been tickets, COM
plimentary for the Summer months.
OF course, by this time l and Geo.
had got over the stage where we was
having very much fun about where
would we go this Summer, and Geo.
had come to only one final decision,
which was to say that he wouldn't
under no circumstances allow me to
stay home, it was conner be hot
enough without that. he wanted a
little peace and quiet, and / would
haf to decide pretty quick If would
pull a Mohammed and go to the
mountains or contract for a room
and bath near any ocean 1 preferred
to name. But I couldn't make I'D
my mind which.
And then one evening when, Ii
being a kind of chilly one, / and Geo.
had made a nice fire in the parlor
outa all the hot Summer literature
of it real coZy, when what would ring
only the telephone bell, and when !
answered it there was that Mrs. Joe
Bush, the one we had mis-spent the
Summer with SO enjoyably for the
landlord last year, and believe you
me, last year was certainly the way
1 had felt at the time.
Hello dearie saws Mabel Bush, is
Evening star., 1925-05-24
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

- OMETHING is happening, / re-
gret to find, to the world in
which we used to live. The
~ poor old thing is being "speeded
up" There is efficiency" in
the air. Offices open at o'clock. Mil
lionaires lunch on baked apple
Bankers eat less than that. A col
lege president has declared that there
are more foot pounds of energy in a
glass Of peptonized milk than in some.
thing else, forgot what.
All this is very fine. Yet somehow
I feel out of it. Ny friends are fail
ing me. They won't sit up after mid
night. They have taken to sleeping
out of doors, on porches and per-
golas. Some, 1 understand, merely
roost on plain wooden bars. They rise
early. They take deep breathing.
They bathe in ice water. They are
no good.
This change, 1 am sure, is excellent
| 1t is, I am certain, just as 1t ought
| to be. l am merely saying, quietly
and humbly, that 1 am not in it. l
| am being left behind. Take, for eX-
ample, the case of work.
In my time one hated it. 1t was
viewed as the natural enemy of man.
Now the world has fallen in love with
it. My friends, find, take their deep
breathing and their porch sleeping
because it makes them work better.
They go for a weeks vacation in
Virginia not for it's own sake, but De-
cause they say that when they get
| back, they can work better. 1 know
a man who wears very loose boots
because he can work better in them,
and another who wears only soft
shirts because he can work better in
| a soft shirt. There are plenty of men
now who would wear dog harness If
they thought they could work more
| in 1t.
/ know another man who walks
| away out into the country every Sun
day; not that he likes the country;
he wouldn't recognize a humble bee
| if he saw it; but he claims that If
he walks on Sunday his head is as
| clear as a bell for work on Monday.
Against work itself, l say nothing.
| But I sometimes wonder if l stand
alone in this thing. Am I the only
person left who does hate it?
Evening star., 1925-05-24

The management claimed there was
more shooting and bass fishing in this
district than anywheres else about.
But 1t was this chapter discouraged
me from sending them any question
naire. on account anybody which they
have lived near a big city, why they
hear about Shoottngs enough, and as
for bass, 1 prefer a tenor any day.
BY this time George had got real
enthusiastic over a Summer change.
but being kind of conservative, the
same as most men, he sent and got
a catalogue, or illustrated menu, from
Stormy Point.
We had been there once before, but
instead of a stern and rock-bound
coast like we had expected, it turned
out to be a rear and hide-bound back
from-the-shore last resort, and the
only stormy point we ever noticed
when we come to pay the bill.
Well naturally Geo. wanted to
go there just because he had been, and
he claimed it had one great, natural
advantage over the other places,
which was to say we would know
the worst before we started. But
pointed out where quite to the other
hand, if you was headed for a un-
known strange place, you would at
least have the pleasure of figuring
on a perfect paradise while the jour
ney lasted.
Hot Bozo! 1t sure is har1 to make
Ia choice where every prospectus
pleases and only the expense is vile.
Just as soon as we was settled on one
place. another would pop up looking
a lot better. Such as when we had
practically written for reservations at
House Valley, where they advt. a
19-hole golf course with a persons IA
Evening star., 1925-05-24
Anna Case Talks About Cost of Making

ming, she comes to New York. Per-
haps some one has recommended her
to certain teacher or perhaps she
has seen some teachers advertisement
in one of the musical journals. The
teacher listens to her, and, if she shows
promise, tells her quite rightly that
she needs hard study. The young
woman's father tells her to go ahead,
and she embarks upon a course of
study which involves the following by
no means exceptional expenditures:
The singing tuition, if the teacher
be of fair prominence. will cost $40 a
lesson for three lessons a week. A
coach will school the. pupil in roles
for $40 a lesson, say three lessons a
week. Lessons in language and oper-
attic acting will cost $40 each, and the
student may take one each week.
This aggregates total of $140 weekly,
not including living expenses, which
may be higher in New York than at
home. For study continued through
out the year, without vacation, the
annual expenditure approaches 81 900;
or, for a period Of three years, which
should precede any serious effort at
recitals, an aggregate of something
over $4,000.
Then. under her teachers guidince,
she would wish, perhaps, to give re-
cital in New York, primarily to secure
helpful newspaper advice and criti-
cism, which again adds to the pre-
liminary costs Of the intended career.
Evening star., 1925-05-24
BY RING LARDNER.

"O the Editor: l suppose the
public is in a fever to know
whether we literary fellows as
some calls us is ever the re-
cipient of mash notes such as
is sent in car load lots to stage and
screen beauties like Martha Lorber,
Mary Eaton, Johnnie DOoley, Pola
Negri, the Marquise de la Falaise de
la Coudray and Ben Turpin.
Well friends l hope you won't think
l am overstepping the holy bonds of
modesty when l tell you that we boys
gets fully as many perfumed missiEas
as the above and about the only Diff
ference between their letters and oars
is that ours generally always is
scented with eau de garlic and the
writer's of same is too bashful to sign
their names to them.
Just this wk 1 reed. billet douX
from an anonymous admire in Kan
sas City who l have often heard from
him before though his letters always
comes addressed to Long Neck, Great
Island, which is just one of his COM
ical little touches, but ] will copy off
a part of this latest one, so as you
can all share the thrill which person
can't help from feeling when strangers
guSheS over them. and will state that
all his letters reads pretty near alike
so that when you read the following
you will get the gen. DRIFT OF our
epistolary courtship.
Lard Greaser," he writes. THAT
is what your name ought to be is
Lard Greaser because you are about
as cute and smart as greasy tub OF
lard This is a fine country where
they shoot a man like Lincoln and let
you live. They ought to put the man
in Jail for life who ever told you you
could write. Why don't you go back
TO Niles, Mich, where you belong!"
That is just a portion of my Mis-
souri, worshippers latest enconium
and theys more to it including a few
words which become popular during
the Great War and which | amt al
lowed to use except in the privacy of
my own home. AS l say. this baby
don't sign his name or give me his
address so they amt no way of me
, telling him that his love is requited,
every time l get a excuse and would
stay there if the folks did not know
me too well.
But one of the most heart rendering
notes that ever reached the under
signed was reed. vile I was working
in Chicago and which l have kept all
these years to read once in a vile as
sort of a antidote when / get to feel
ing too good. They amt much to this
one so 1 will copy it down verbatim
word for word:
your articles but no more, you was
Evening star., 1925-05-24

that you dearie, this is Mabel speak
ing. she says, say do you know, she
says, Joe and l have been wrestling
over where will we take our vacation
this Summer and we can't seem to
think of any place. l was crazy to
stay home with Joe, but he won't let
me, she says.
Well Mabel, I says, you certainly
said something then, / says, any
body would be crazy to stay home
with that husband of yours, and /
guess the same goes with me, at
least | feel SO after the way he has
made me get a whole lot of leaflets
and folders from resorts and now all
he does is burn them up.
Well, says Mabel there is no use,
Jennie Jules, in leaving them things
to the men, we have got to make up
their minds for ourselves, she says,
and / got an idea where it might be
a fine thing if we was to take that
cottage up to Lake WaSsa pa CACHE,
the one we had last Summer, we
the men could come up week ends.
And l was so glad to have some
body know what they wanted that
says sure, fine, l and you will do
the work and work the dues, as you
say, and hand the same in, believe
you me if our husbands don't know
what they want now, they will by the
time we are packing up to come
home.
(Copyright. 1927
Evening star., 1925-05-24

A Shakespeare, the Boy Wonder
IN who put Bacon and Hard
~ Boiled Literary Eggs on the
4 u map, so truly said, IF at
first you don't succeed, try
and get somebody else to do it,
And this has always struck me
as particularly true where mapping
out ideal Summer vacation is con-
cerned. In other words, If you have
been trying to fix up a good time
for the family and found it trying,
why lay off trying so hard.
The other evening 1 and George,
that's my husband, was talking about
the as per see above, and l says to
him, we'll George. l says. there is
no use talking about / and Junior
going away and leaving you this
year, on account 1 can't endure to
think of you all alone in the louse
with no beds made or dishes washed,
and with the only real evidence of
human life going on here consisting
of the remains of a few dear dead
poker games with cockroaches ramp
ing over the ruins. No Geo. l says,
/ don't care if it is a little warm
here, 1 and Junior will sacrifice our
sells.
Well then Geo. says kinda feeble,
amt you really going no place?
And / says we'll we will take
little trip maybe, but believe you me,
Geo. 1 amt conner spend another
Summer like 1 done last year, and
Geo. for once says well. he don't
blame me.
Last year we had took a cottage
together with that Joe Bush of the
Hawthorne Club and his wife up to
Lake Wassapagache, which is In
dian name for Land of The Long
Spaghetti. But from our experience
%r,I ,l.t .NFh hx.n M a
Land of The Living Grapefruit,
what with the behavior of that Bush
woman and her better Il, and since
that time l amt been just sure If
they got their name from these
Bush leaCuerS you hear about or
from the wild Australian bushmen,
the ones that makes a speciality OF
reducing their friends to pin heads
by some secret process.
Well, not doing the dishes or the
honors, which was supposed to be
even, or keeping a eye on friends
child is no secret process. That
Mabel Bush neglected to do all
them things quite openly, with the
net result, of course, l realized we
was a coupla weak heads ever to of
gone into a shared cottage. Hot
Bozo, there was nothing shared
about the place, I had it ALL Mabel
ticing to be somebody's house guest.
So this year l says to myself nix,
nothing to it, l even prefer the hot
city and my husbands Z day per
week company to that again.
But just in case he was to insist on
] and Junior going somewheres on the
child's account, l sent inquiries to a
few places which wasn't over seven or
twelve hrs. away, SOS that George
could easy run up on the week ends
and have a hour or so whit US. And
it wasn't long before a bunch of cata-
logues commenced giving the mail
man a reason for stopping at our
house mornings without waiting for
the first of the month.
Well, I always did like to read, and
the hotel companies literature sure
saved me many a nickel for books at
our library. But like a whole lot OF
novels, the books them fellers got out
had the same plot when it come to
terms.
Evening star., 1925-05-24

rain to the sound, where we hires a
boat for 25 smackers for the day."
''What'd you hire" l inquiries, "the
British f1eet?"
Nope" returns High Dome" Just
an ordinary scow, but don't get no
ideas that the rent of that raft was all
the expenses we had on that trip. The
bait alone run us about 20 seeds
more
What were you using?" I asks.
"Humming birds tongues or pate de
fois gras? For 90 bucks, feller, you
could buy more worms than
BE yourself, yokel,' interrupts
High Dome;" you don't get no weak
fish with no worms
"Weakfish," l sneers. Coward
Coward, ehr' growls Finnegan. 'If
you got an idea that they is any
thing weak about a weakfish except
ing the heads of the bimbos that's
trying to catch 'em you're twice as
cuckoo as l think you are, which is
just half as cuckoo as you actually is.
They is called weakfish on the ac-
count of having weak chins, that's
all. The hook tears right outta their
mouths when you starts pulling 'em
III ana II taxes a lOtld science 10 get
one of them babies on board"
Make good eating?" 1 inquiries.
How do l know" snaps High
Dome" well, we buys about half
a barrel of shrimps and we amt no
sooner out in the middle of the sound
when the captain of the scow starts
dumping 'em overheard. l asks the
bozo if he's sorry for the poor things
or something and he tells me that
he's just cumming"
"Who WITH" 1 wants to know.
'It amt that kinda cumming" eX
Evening star., 1925-05-24

They all says Terms upon appli-
account if them terms was of the
kind that had to have application.
whether wet dressing or a mustard
plaster. put on the spot on the pocket
book that was about to receive the
fatal injury, why l realized where I
had really ought to spend the money
on that wisdom tooth of mine l had
been stalling about instead. The den
tist would at least give me gas before
the operation.
Then quite to the other hand and
aside from all financial prejudices, it
was pretty near impossible for any
person to resist the beauties. natural
and otherwise, of. for a sample. Poo
chound Bay, where according to the
pictures, huge catches of dog fish
could be easily had by the enterprising
angler from the ocean or from the
local fish market, as preferred. Also
it was a great place for mothers to
take manageable daughters to, at
least so l judged from one cut where
four fellers with fish poles was stand
ing in a row and underneath it says
"One days catch
OF course, Poochound Bay is in
Maine, so it was only fair of the hotel
to show a photo of a California bath
ing beach in action on the cover, at
least that's what it looked to be, and
in fact the whole book was so attrac-
tive l showed 1t to Geo. and 1 and he
had pretty near decided we might try
the place out if it wasn't too fat when
the very next day we got another
book. and it upset our mind, and we
left Kennel House at Poochound Bay
just where we found it.
Well anyways, this new leafiet was
from Takealook Inn up on Mount
Determandly the Climbers Paradise.
Evening star., 1925-05-24

vorite tea on the first IS and sig
nificant silence on the last.
Well anyways, as 1 was telling, we
had pretty near decided to take a
chance there when Dr. Salary come
out on the train with Geo. and told
him all about the Deer River district
up in Canada. 1t was situated some
place within the Province of the Law
and the doc told George how there was
every kind of game up there from
dominos to moose and pink elephants
and you could get a tremendous
change by going.
George being terrible hard to in
fiuence like most strong men, was al
once all in favor of this. but l didn't
like that word dear. and as for the
big heap pile of change, / give g
pretty good guess where the most
| notable change George would be
likely to get was conner be repre-
sented by what was left out of the
last dollar bill he had when we turned
our nose towards home.
OF course, l don't like to hurt no
body by ignoring them, so while
was picking up folders and writing
to hotels. l thought it was only fail
to give some of the big swell places
a chance to state their feeling about
us running out and spending a few
weeks.
But so far as l got answers al
all, they didn't appear to have any
feelings, and as for spending. well
most of them at Newport, Bellport
Atlantic City and all points to the
one same moral, why apparently il
was nothing on their cash balance
whether we spent a coupla weeks with
them or a coupla million dollars.
The stock reply I got out of thai
gang was to the effect full for the
sea son." And naturally if they was
Evening star., 1925-05-24
"AS FAR AS IS CONCERNED, ADMIT THEY AMT NEVER
CAUSED ME TO BE CONFUSED WITH CHORUS CAL"

pointed out to me yesterday at the
coliseum, how can any one live with a
face like yrs and what a pair OF feet,
they look more like barge, where do
you ever get shoes big enough. 1 use
to enjoy your articles but cant read
them no more knowing what you look
like"
This note of course was also un-
signed SO l couldn't call the party up
and make engagement with him and
maybe prove to him that whoever was
pointed out to him as me was not me
at all but hideous mistake.
As a matter of fact I had been at
the coliseum on the day referred to,
the occasion being a kind Of reception
in honor of moving picture stars and
maybe 1 looked less handsomer than
usual an acct. of the contrast with
F. x. Bushman who was on display
that day or because l was escorted
by the fair Mae Tinee, far more beau
tiful than any of the idols Of the
screen.
But in justice to myself will state
that as recently as the night Of the
Dempsey-Firpo fight l was mistaken
by waiter for What's-his-name Ma
reno and that was or yrs. after the
Chicago episode and when age had
added lines and subtracted hair.
AS far as my IT. Is concerned vile l
admit they amt never caused me to
be confused with a Chinese chorus
gal, still and all 1 can go into any
shoe store and buy a pair of 10 and a
u G. last shoes and wear them with
out no panic from overcrowding and
when you compare my dogs with those
mastiffs which transports Haywood
Broun or Jess Willard acrost a ball
rm. floor why you won't wonder that
the little woman sometimes addresses
me by the alias of Cinderella.
Any way, i amt never wrote my
stuff with my TT. but with my hands
which I don't hardly ever get a mani.
cure but what the artiste sasps at
Evening star., 1925-05-24
Mash Notes From Ad1niring Populace
Not Reserved Entirely for Movie Folk

kill, old Hughey Fullerton would
OF went the way Of all flesh as long
ago as 1911. when he predicted in
the public prints that the Athletics
would make a monkey of the Giants
in the world series of that Fall and
at least so per cent of the Giants
took pen in hand to call him every
thing they could think of and to
promise him violence if they ever
had the pleasure of meeting him face
to face. A similar shower bouquet
of raspberries is mailed to Henry
Grantland Rice whenever it becomes
necessary for him to forecast a de-
feat for Yale.
The athletes themselves is often
terribly displeased with what is said
about them in the papers, but hardly
ever to the extent Of writing letters
to the one who has give them offense.
That would be too tough a job. It's
bad enough to half to write to your
Mrs. once a wk. and eXclaim why
you amt sent her her share Of your
last pay check.
No, the athletics generally make
their threats verbally, but the re-
suits is about the same as is showed
in the following typical incidence of
more than Is yrs. ago.
Rube Waddell had been suspended
for the usual cause by the st. Louis
Browns and the fact was recorded
by Jim Crusinberry Of the st. Louis
Post-Dispatch. wait till I meet
everybody who would listen. 'Ill
break him right in two"' Well Rube
was finally reinstated and encountered
Jim in hotel in Washington.
Hello, Jim," said .Rube. Have a
cigar"
Evening star., 1925-05-24
The Present Appalling Mania for Work
And the Question of the Empty Stomach

scrapped in the next disarmament
conference.
know quite lot of men who have
bought the new encyclopedias and
what is more, they read them. They
sit in their apartments at night with
a glass of water at their elbow read
ing the encyclopedia. They say that
it is literally filled with facts. Other
men spend their time reading the
Statistical Abstract of the United
| States (they say the figures in it are
greaD and the acts of Congress. and
| the list of Presidents since Washing
| ton.
Spending their evenings thus, and
| topping it off with a cold boiled prune,
and sleeping out in the snow, they go
to work in the morning, so they tell
me, with a positive sense of exhilar-
alton. / have no doubt that they do.
| But for me, confess that once and for
! all l am out of it. 1 am left behind.
Add to it all such rising dangers as
night and morning exercise, and the
| reduction to standard weight, day
| light saving, and bigger and better
| breathing, together with eugenic mar
| riage, the initiative and the referen-
dunn, and the duty of the citizen to
| take an intelligent interest in politics
and l admit that / shall not be sorry
to go away from here.
| But before 1 do go, have one hope.
I understand that down in Hayti
things are more considerably ordered.
Bull fights, cock fights, dog fights, are
| openly permitted. Business never be-
gins till eleven in the morning. Every
body sleeps after lunch, and the cafes
remain open all night. In fact, the
| general efficiency, so they tell me, is
| less perceptible in Hayti than it has
| been anywhere since the time of Nero.
Me for Hayti.
tCopyright 1920
Evening star., 1925-05-24

childish plea, Il shall die If I can not
sing" One day I repeated this to the
proprietor of store where had gone
to get some groceries, and he said:
"Well, why don't you study sing
ing?"
"Where could I get the money!"
replied, and he didn't say anything
more.
The next time I went to the store
his wife spoke to me about studying
music, and 1 replied that I had no
money.
We'll, perhaps" she replied, my
husband might help you"
And she went on to say that in Som
merville, a neighboring town. were
two ladies who taught singing, and
she invited me to go to one of them,
adding that her husband would pay
for few lessons to determine whether
or not I had a real voice.
This sent me to Miss Katherine Up
dyke, who gave me vocal tuition for
rs cents a lesson. After little while
Miss Updyke took me to her teacher,
Nine. Renard, who, after a notable
operatic and concert career, was
teaching voice in New York City
Nine. Renard helped me wonderfully
In every possible way. and until her
death remained my teacher and de.
voted friend.
One evening T sang at a reception
and was heard by Gov. Stokes of New
Jersey. He was very kind, and after