Seward daily gateway., 1925-12-03
HISTORY OF CHIEF OLAF
 AND HIS BOOTS
PICTURE THE CHIEF AND HIS
 PRIZE MUkLUkS

Snoose, a small town on that great Peninsula extending north from Rus sia. He was very bright in school and finished his education by going through the University before i+ was completed. He worked before the mast on a sailing ship and deserted her in the Third Division-Cordova we'll say The Indians took great fancy to him on account of his good looks and fine personality which cre- ated great jealousy among the wo- men, but he finally became a squaw man by marrying Annie, sixty nine years old and going strong.
 He showed the natives how to dig clans, how to boil eggs in ice water. Great Olaf, he was! Then how to make mules look more serious. He | taught them the Geisha, the Hula | Hula and the Saint Vitas dance. He stopped the propagation of the Boil | Weevil with shocks of electric stat l ic He was working on a process to cure leprosy, smallpox, seven-year itch, yellow jack, black plague and the inevitable T. B.'s with nicotine serum extracted from smoked herr 1 ing. He saved the lives of millions of people from the flu, by advising them to stay away from chimneys having the flue. He made the finest moonshine in Alaska which he gave away lavishly, except what he sold. He prevented the hoof and mouth disease by massaging each COW with buttermilk. He trained the King Sal mon to swim backwards.
 He was manager of the Wig Book and Hook Worm Hatchery in Sitka. He drove the first OK team down the Yukon river from Dawson to St. Michael. He sold the Siberian fe- male ,groundhog liver oil to the ear ly settlers in Nome for frying the proverbial "sourdough" hotcakes.
 He discover how to take the chills out of a fever. He organized the Salvation Army in Valdez which has a membership of 10000 more or less, mostly less. He lectured on birth control of mosquitoes, cockroaches and tape worms and received warm welcome on a cold day in Honolulu.
 He was president and confidential advisor of the suicide club Killisnoo and saved many members from using gas or poison but kindly advised them to either hang, shoot or drown themselves.
 Then he wrote a book of what a young Maid of seventy should have known and made a misfortune from it. He loved the wilds of Alaska, and cultivated, trained and tanned wild women, wild oat, wild cats, wild flowers and the Wild Irish Rosies, and was a great admirer of Oscar Wilde.
 January 37th, 1923, he went to the beach in Cordova to dig some clans and was found with his feet up and his head in the mud frozen stiff, owing to his body being shrunk and shriveled; when his wife found him she did not recognize it was her husband until it was proved that he had corns under each foot.
 The Bootleggers' association got up collection and sent poor Olaf's | body back to the old country, but his government sent it back because he was an American citizen. Then the United States Order of Ground Hogs gave him a grand funeral near Fox farm on an Island surrounded by water.
 (NB) Everybody who knew Olaf said that if he had not died he would still be alive today.
 One of the barbers on the Alaska Steamship company's boats found his
  the beach and has them on exhibi- tion in his shop where he specializes in and features mainly:
 The painless chiropody, the Oliver Twist Massage movement, the Ishi, Mishi Mashi Mushi Kashi Fan Vii orator. The Midget face massage cost two-bits. The number system for keeping a record of "your turn next" is on display in a conspicuous place behind a large calendar hang ing on the floor. Friends of Olaf will regret to hear of his untimely disappearance from human life and all will sympathize heartily in Olafs wife's late be- reavement.