davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-10-25
Most of the Celebrities That We Meet
Are Looking for the People Next Door

During the early weeks of the Au-
tumn season the boys was host to
their VT. old cousin, Bobbie Kitchell.
from bingham, Mass, and it devel-
oped in the course of the daily small
talk that Bobbie had no idear that
Fatty Arbuckle was a real person, but
thought 1t was just a nickname for
anybody burdened with obesity. This
and many another puritanical notion
that had took root In the young Bay
States boys mind kept his cousins
constantly guffawing.
1t was decided that Bobbie would
be a logical Opt. for David on the
tennis court and after one of their
encounters the New England star
Dragged that he had returned 9 of
DaVid'S serves whereas David had not
returned any of his.
Il couldn't unless I was on your
side of the net" was the Long Island
wizards comeback.
Outside of tennis games and swim.
ming and getting ready for school the
boys has spent most of their time
writing stories and fishing in the bay.
Their success in the last-named diver
sion may be summed up with the
statement that one day they seen a
man in another boat catch founder
Their writings seems to be largely
mystery stories though one by Jennie
was a character study of a hypochon-
driac. In the first paragraph it said
that Mr.. Jones, the hero, married
young so he would have somebody to
complain to-" 1t was taken from this
that the author had been observing
family life outside his own home.
The big social event of September
was treasure hunt at Angina Pee
toris, the Summer home of Miss Neysa
McMein on Manhasset Bay. First
gents prize was win by a boy with
the inconceivable name of John Barag-
wanath, who Is Miss McMein's hus-
band In civil life. This was kind Of
Evening star., 1925-10-25

tea that would be sure to be Il knock
out without actually knocking 'em out
until after they got home. and as per
usual linda Gestion. the girl who runs
this dept. see, had some fine ideas.
The scheme for a halloween tea was
some pumpkins. She give q receipt
for candied pumpkin seeds and for
jellied pumpkin. glacee. This you
made by calling up the caterer and or
dering orange-ice in pumpkin shaped
forms. If the caterer didn't haze any
or there was no caterer. why Miss
Gestion pointed out in her article. ii
didn't really matter. She also made a
nice suggestion for stuffed pumpkin
You took a little piece Of pumpkin
scooped 1t out. stuffed il with prunes.
broke off the pumpkin part and put II
away in the ice box for the next day S
dinner, and served the prunes. This
was a dish from the Rifr-treS She1k,
as the French say.
WELL. anyways, in preparation for
w nv afternoon tea in honor OF the
great Althea Hedge, | made all that
stuff. and also called up SnookS hak-
ery and ice cream parlor and ordered
a few quarts and some ginger snaps
in case anybody actually wanted to
eat, and I had heard where authors
generally did. Then | moved all the
furniture out of the living room the
night before the affair and While Geo.
sat out in the hall on the piano stool
reading the part of the evening paper
which I didn't need to put over the
seat of the chair l was standing on.
| replaced the furniture with showers
Of orange crepe paper until the place
looked like a golden bower, or a
windstorm had struck 1t, or some
thing.
Then, with my back aching so good
that I realized the decorations simply
must be wonderful, they hadder be,
why 1 and Junior picked up the
scraps, while he kept up a string Of
questions although he already knew
the answers in advance such as Ma,
can / come TO the deception, why
can't I come? Can 1 have some of
the ice cream, will you save me some
candy, why can't 1 come to the party
Ma? And 1 says I've already told
you. NO! And he says why not Ma
And l says because it amt for little
boys. And he says what is it for
then? And I says heaven knows, I'm
commencing to wonder, my own self!
Well, the next day of course ! felt
pretty nervous, wondering what Miss
Althea Hedge would think of it, and
wondering if it wouldn't Of been more
of a compliment to of got some of her
works and cut them up for paper
garlands, instead, but it was too late
for that how. l just had time to call
up the bakery about the cream, which
hadn't come yet, it was promised for
two and here it was five to four. Well
1 just managed to call them and learn
it was on its way-to where, not spec
ified-and to change into my beaded
frock which was as beaded as the
new cider I was serving-a grand
Evening star., 1925-10-25

high and it only took months to
build it" l thought that would stop
him, but he said London could dupli-
cate the building in about 3 months
What worries me is this: How can l
beat him at his own game?
Truly yours.
/. NJ. FRANTIC.
Answer: AS long as he is trying to
prove that in London they can build
quicker than they can in New York
Your problem is an easy one. Take
him down to the Woolworth Building.
tell him il is 50 stories high and tell
him 1t is the tallest building in the
world. Then If he asks you how
long it took to build it YOU look at
him in a bewildered manner and say.
"Darned if ! know, it wasn't here
yesterday That'u stop him.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: 7 am boy 10
years of age. Yesterday, while walk
ing. / bumped into an old man and
accidenuy stepped on his foot. |
apologized TO him. That must have
pleased him, as he put his hands in his
Evening star., 1925-10-25
BY STEPHEN LEACOCK.

!" HIS is the season when all the
hundreds of thousands of peo-
pie who have been over to
i Europe on a Summer tour are
back again. 1t is very gen.
orally supposed that a tour Of this
kind ought to have a broadening eff
feet on the mind. and this idea is
vigorously propagated by the hotei.
companies at Schlitz, Bitz. Biarritz
and picturesque places Of that sort.
1t is not for me to combat this idea.
But I do know that, in certain cases
at least, a trip to Europe sets up d
distinct disturbance Of the intellect.
Some of these Affections are so well
defined that they could almost be
definitely classified as diseases. ] will
quote only a few among the many eX-
amples that might be given.
Aristocropis. or weakening of the
brain from contact with the British
aristocracy.
There seems to be no doubt that a
sudden contact with the titled classes
disturbs the nerve cells or ganglions
of the traveller from America, and
brings on n temporary enfeeblement
of mind. 1t is generally harmless,
especially as 1t is usually accompanied
by an extreme optimism and an eXag-
gerated sense of Importance.
Specimen case. Winter converse
ton of Mr.. John w. Axman, retired
hardware millionaire of Fargo, Da-
kota. in regard to his visit to Eng
land.
Il don't know whether I told you
that / saw a good deal of the Duke
OF Dumpshire While l was in England.
In fact, ] went to see him at his seat
all these dukes have seats, you
know. You can say what you like about
the British aristocracy, but when you
meet one like the Duke OF Dumpshire.
they are all right. Why, he was just
When he met me. he said. How are
your Just like that.
"And then he said, You must be
! hungry. Come along and let's see If
we can find some cold beef Just as
| easy as that And then he said to n
! butler or some one. Go and see II YOU
| can find some cold beef And pres
! emily the butler came back and said,
| There's some cold beef on the table
| sir and the Duke said. All right,
| let's go and eat it And he went and
! sat right down in front of the beef
| and ate It. Just as you or l would.
"All the time we We're eating it, the
| duke was talking and laughing. He's
got a great sense of humor. the duke
| has. After he'd finished the beef, he
! said, Well. that was a darn good
| piece Of beel" and, Of course, we both
roared. The dukes keen on politics,
| too-right up To date about every
thing. Let's see he said. who's your
| President now In fact. he's just
as keen as mustard, and looks far
Evening star., 1925-10-25
BY SAM HELLMAN.

//T SEE" remarks the wife, that
- the church people and whisky
folks are talking about get
ting together and bringing
beer back"
"Yeh." says I but if l was you I
wouldn't hold my thumbs on hot
stove until 1t happens. 1t took about
so years to make the country dry
and it's going to take at least that
long to make 1t moist again
officially
II don't see why" remarks the
misses.
You don't. eh?'' l comes back
GIVE this a consider. When the
Nalstead act was rung in on the
statute books they was no women Vot'
Ing, and all the gangsters were
have votes and besides they got the
gangsters with en-
with 'em?" puzzles the wife. How
do you mean
That's easy" I tells her. Half of
the old-time bartenders, hop peddlers.
ward heelerS and that kind of trlpe
are boOtleggerS now, and they ain
going to be for nothing that's gonna
nut their graft on the hummer. |
seen a piece in the paper the other
day where they figured out in Wash
ingtOn tflat tneN were at ledSl a IlllI-
lion and Il half rum runners in the
country. We now got the pretty
sight of the W. c. T. L. and the
toughest of the tough voting the same
ticket-neither of 'em want hooch
sold on the square"
There is some difference" shifts
the frau, between beer and hoocn. y
That's the bunk" l assure her. "lf
they let 'em sell per cent beer they re
going to have swell time keeping 'em
from selling whisky, too. Once the
door is open part ways it amt gonna
take much to push it wide
What do you think they ought to
do. as If it matters?' inquiries Kate.
''Personaiiy," says !, prohibition
has had a five years chance and no
body but an idiot'll argue that it ain
easier to get a case of gin today than
Il was five years ago. Two years after
prohibition is supposed to have been
in effect it cost you anywheres from
s75 to 800 to grab yourself a dozen
quarts of hooch. Today statesmen bat
tie for your business at forty and
forty-five dollars IA case, and it's darn
sight better stuff than it used to be.
Last week at least six guys called
up the Office to try to get my busi-
ness.
Evening star., 1925-10-25
Difference Between Capital and Labor
Seen in Handling Loan of Ten Dollars

Answer: There is only one way to
settle "A dispute of that kind. The
next time a guest leaves a call for
s o'clock, You wake him at o'clock
and tell him he only has , hours
more 10 sleep.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: | am a profes-
sional guide around New York. Some
times i have tourists engage me by
the week. An Englishman has Just
done that and / had him around for
the first time today. He has me so
worried l don't know what to say 10
him. He is always comparing London
with New York and always gives
London the best of ii. For instance
| showed him the Times Square Build
ing, which is PIP stories high He
asked me how long ii took to build
and said IL months He said We
We're slow and that they could build
1t in London in months. l thought
! would fool him and showed him the
Metropolitan Building. When he ask
ed me how long it took to build T
said, We'll, this building is 3S stories
Evening star., 1925-10-25

a yelp for regulation and high license" p"
You mean." asks the frau, that
We'll go back to the licensed saloon?"
mo, 1 don't" 1 returns. But 1 do
think We'll go In for the Canadian sys-
tenn, where all the hooch belongs to
the government and is sold only in
cases and bottles from regular sta
tions. Well never get back to the
brass rail and sawdust f1oor, but it'll
be 80 that a family can buy so much
a month and regular hotels can serve
liquor at regular meals. The Govern
ment will make hundreds of millions
out Of that scheme every year, decent
people will have a decent amount Of
liquor in their houses. the bootleg
gers'll be put out of business and guys
won't go blind from wood alcohol"
When" inquiries the frau, will all
that happen?"
mot for a long time" says I. ITO
even get it discussed you've got to
have more disgust"
Evening star., 1925-10-25
I'VE Now Have Wet-Drys and Dry-Wets,"
Says Higgins, Viewing Latest Events

Maybe" says the wife. But that's
only true in the large cities, isn't it?'
NO, it isn't" 1 returns. "Out in
Nebraska and Iowa the revenue folks
are complaining that there is more
corn juice being peddled around than
ever before. The hospitals and the
poor farms and the nut factories are
fuller'n ever. Prohibition has been a
flop, and you can gather how much of
flop when you reads the report of
them church folks. You got to re-
member they're leaning backward in
favor of the drys. and when they ad-
mits that conditions is rotten you can
just bet they're rotten. Just the
same, nothing won't be done about it."
why not2" asks the misses.
Because" / tells her, they're too
many reformers making a living out
of the Anti-Saloop League, and also
Evening star., 1925-10-25
BY RING LARDNER,

ITO the Editor: Looks like it was
about time to give you the home
news again and first and 4 most the
kiddies has all started back to school
and it would not do to send them
without they had new Fall suits so
they went to town to get same and
returned home with the tidings that
the one for 6yr.-old David costed S32 90
dollars to say nothing about his big
whopping brothers, so 1t may sicken
my rivals amongst the Authors league
of America to know that I have in
definitely postponed my retirement
from the field of bel canto. If memory
amt cock-eyed the sum of $32 90 would
of made dudes of me and all my
brothers and sisters inclusive when
we was around the age of the present
incumbrance.
Evening star., 1925-10-25

because, as l mentioned before, the
bootleggersll spend millions to keep
anything from being done. Wouldn't
it be a grand joke If the church people
finally agreed to let liquor be sold un-
der strict regulation and the bootleg
gers beat the scheme?"
Whats going to happen them"
asks Kate.
MY guess is, says l, that things'll
get q heap lot rottener before they II
get any better. The cOuntry'S got to
be more disgusted than it is now be-
fore any real change is gonna be made.
All this talk about a compromise be-
tween the vets and the drys is the
blah-blah. The vets right now think
they got the drys slipping, and nobody
compromises with guy that's slip
ping. The dry leaders won't compro-
mise for the reason 1 told you-they
Evening star., 1925-10-25
BY ED WYNN

Dear Mr.. Wynn: l go to a cooking
school. Our teacher Is now teaching
us 10 make pies. She told us to he
careful and never make Affection
ate Pies" | did not want to appear
ignorant so did not ask her what she
meant. 1 have heard Of Apple. Mince.
Raisin, Peach, Pear and other kinds,
but what in the world is "Affectionate
Pie?"
Sincerely,
I. COOKWELL
Answer: "Affectionate Pie" simply
means the upper and lower crusts
are dead stuck on each other.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: 1 am to make a
speech next week on Capital and
Labor" Can you give me an example
which fully explains the great differ
ence between these two factions?
Truly yours,
a. PLUMBER.
Answer: The difference between
Capital and Labor" is best explained
as follows: Say / lend one Of my
friends ten dollars. that's Capital.
Now, say / try to get 1t back, that's
Labor.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: 1 am a little girl
years of age and love to read fair
stories. l read all about Cinderella
and Princes and Kings and Queens
and how kind and lovely they are
Tell me, Mr.. Wynn, are Kings and
Queens always good?
Sincerely yours,
l. DREAMALOT
Answer: My dear child. Kings and
Queens" are very good, but not al
ways. Three aces" beat them.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: l own a hotel in
a country village. There is only one
train, out of the town. each day
Several guests have complained about
missing this train. They say l don't
wake them in time and 1 claim they
don't get up when l wake them. Can
you help me rectify this matter?
Truly yours,
BIC BILL
Evening star., 1925-10-25

pocket and handed me a quarter for
being SO polite. When l saw what
he gave me. | stepped on his other
foot. Did l do right?
Yours truly,
A. WISEkID
Answer next week
THE PERFECT FOOL.
(Copyright. lg25D
Evening star., 1925-10-25
Mechanical Orchestra.

A y opera IS to be given in London
this Fall with an orchestra con-
sisting of ~ mechanical pianos oper-
ated by electricity and singers who
will be kept out of sight underneath
the stage and who will be heard by
means of loud speakers.
Evening star., 1925-10-25
Sure. It's Not Me.

Dumb-How can I cure a Sleep
walking habit?
Dora-Sprinkle tacks on the floor.
Evening star., 1925-10-25

4 S William Shakespeare, the boy
" who put Bacon on the literary
menu, often used to say to the
"A newspaper reporters, Il owe
much of my success TO the
Evening star., 1925-10-25

SEE" remarks the wife, that
the church people and whisky
folks are talking about get
ting together and bringing
Evening star., 1925-10-25

I. COOKWELL
Answer: "Affectionate Pie" simply
means the upper and lower crusts
are dead stuck on each other.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30
DEATH CLAIMS
]. v. LESTER
Funeral Services for Prominent
Resident to Be Held Thurs
day Afternoon at $50

J. w. Lester, 70, one of Amer
icus' most prominent citizens, died
at ego this morning at his resi-
dence on South Jackson street fol
lowing an illness of several days.
Funeral services will be held from
the residence Thursday afternoon
at $3.50, Rev. JohnM Cutler, pastor
Of the First Methodist church, as
sisted by Rev. J. NJ. Branch, pastor
of the First Baptist church, off
ciating. Tnterment will be in Oak
Grove cemetery. .. ...l
Mr.. Lester resided in Amerious
for more than 40 years and was
prominently connected with the
city's growth during that tima. 2
was a member Of the First Method
ist church, serving on the Board Of
Stewards for a number Of years
He is survived BY his widow; two
sons, L. L. Lester, of Americas. anC
~ W. NJ. Lester, Of Atlanta; ore
sister, Mrs. Ruby L. Thompson. OF
Atlanta.
-rred So aoe rtm 5utMouoF eUL
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30
A}oci;eh

lite flower jars holding clusters of
pink and lavender asters and roses,
effectively combined with graceful
sprays of coral vine.
Mrs. Churchill wore a stunning
costume of black and white crepe
Romano, fashioned ensemble and
smart fall nat Of black velour.
At noon, a most delightful hot
luncheon was served on the card
tables.
Mrs. Cave was assisted in enter
tanning by Mrs. William Randolph.
Mrs. John Council won top score
prize, a box of French powder, and
the honoree was presented with q
jar of bath crystals.
Invited to meet Mrs. Churchill
were Mrs. Lucius McCleskey, Mrs.
H. 0 Jones, Mrs. Walter Rylander,
Mrs John Council, Mrs. Carr Glov-
er. Mrs. c. H. Burke, and Mrs. W.
C Turpin.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30

nesday and Thursday A large
number of ministers and delegates
attended these services andall seem
to enjoy them inspite of the not and
dry weather. Sumptous dinners
were served at the church every
day and a large congregation was
always present to do justice to them.
Misses Merrill McMichael, Virgin
ia Williams, Frances Mauk, and
Marie MCGEE went to Macon last
week to attend Wesleyan College.
Mr.. and Mrs. Lon CHM moved TO
Lakeland, Fla, last week.
Miss Virginia Lottimer of Mon
tezuma spent last Sunday with Miss
Emma Stewart.
Mr.. and Mrs. Arthur Guy spent
Monday in Americas,
Mr.. J. S. Burgin is spending
sometime in Florida attending to
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30

mats was graced with low silver
baskets filled with pink coral vine
and pink asters and was encircled
with candestick holding unshaded
pink tapers. On each end of the
table were large platters of sand
witches, and dainty pink baskets fill
ed with candy marked the place Of
each guest. A delicious salad
course with iced punch was served.
Every member of the class was
present who are AZ follows: Cor
nelia Ann Hill, Helen Sheffield,
Selma Goeppe, Helen Lassiter,
Hattie Lunsford, Charlotte Sparks.
Louise Jones, Mary Walker, Sarah
Dupree, Clyde Cathy, Maurice Nc
Glamry, and Lillian Pouncey.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30
GROCER THANKFUL, =.

.1 had been sick nearly ~ sIo1y,
with stomach trouble and awwa was thin
" 7 st.. 4eS[ caused terrible gas and pam .n
! and aIs nv food did not digest i / %ai
p pdrisad me to take Mayr's Wonder
fuI Re Remedy about a months ago &c,
L ~ I did and now weigh Isl
,hs and can eat anything. l am
very thankful for Mayr's WONDER
full Remedy" 1t removes tne ca,
tarrhal mucous from the Intestinal
tract. and allays the inflammation
which causes practically all stom-
ach, liver and intestinal ailments
including appendicitis. One dose
will convince or money refunded
For sale by all Unsatisfactory
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30
GREEN FIELDS TO
GREET TOURISTS
Barren Places Along Highways
Win Be Dressed Up By
Agriculturalists

ATLANTA, Ca, Sept. 3O.-Bar-
ren fields in the rural sections of
Georgia and Alabama will be made
to glisten in covering of green
a picture to passing tOurists-in-
stead of presenting a bleak and un-
attractive front if plans now under
way by agricultural agents and rail
road developers are carried out, it
was stated here today.
The plans, as made public here by
the agricultural department of the
A. B. and A railway, which is CO.
operating with agricultural colleges
in two states, provided for sowing
down the fields along the main
highways in a winter cover crop
giving them a covering of green
throughout the winter.
County agents along the various
highways, it was stated, are now
visiting farmers in every locality
and advising them on the subject of
winter cover crops.
Attention is called to the fact
that farmers as rule do not plant
Ienough oats. The farmers have al
so been advised TO plant hairy vetch
or Triton burr clover. With the last
two crops, it is shown, the farmers
can carry the soil building qualities
of the legume; that is taking nitro
gen from the air and putting it in
the roots of the plant. That, it is
tclaimed, is the cheapest nitrogen in
the world.
The growing Of these crops, coun-
ty agents show, provides pastures
for cattle during the late winter.
etch, if planted, may be plowed I'M
der in plenty of time to plant corn
or cotton, and insures increased
Icrop yields. incubation Of crops is
necessary to get the best results,
the agents claim.
Hairy vetch, county agents state,
may be purchased at II cents a
pound, plus the freight in t0N-lbs.,
lots, that is if orders are placed
Immediately. From fifteen to
twenty pounds of the vetch seed
are required for each acre Of
ground and incubation is not eX-
sive, county agents assert.
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30
BUENA VISTA

Rev. J. P. Dell of Columbus, con-
Quoted the fourth quarterly con-
ference at the Methodist Church
Sunday evening. Rev Dell Preached
an interesting sermon to a large
and appreciative audience.
Misses Minnie, Sarah, and Floyd
Lowe delightfully."- entertained the
marion County Chapter of U. D. C.
at the Lowe Hotel last Thursday af-
noon.
Mr.. Malcolm Hair has accepted a
position in a printing office in Del
Ray, Fla.
The Primitive Baptist Association
convened at Romak Tuesday, Wed,
Americus times-recorder. [volume] (Americus, Ga.) 1891-current, 1925-09-30
MRS WHEELER ENTERTAINs
SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS

Mrs. NJ H. Wheeler, was hostess
at most delightful party TUESDAY
afternoon at her home on Taylor
street honoring the members o.
her Sunday School class of the FIRST
Methodist church, which is com
nosed of a group of lovely yyoung
Girls The affair was in the ma
tura Of a farewell party, as SUNDAY
will be promotion day and tnese
girIs will be promoted from the sec
ond year juniors, Mrs. "nee'e'
class to third year Juniors
Mrs. Wheeler's home was prlsnr
srad throughout with loVely q" ".
rangement Of early autumn tlo"e''
for the occasion. -+ in
During the afternoon mos i ~
,aresting contest of the revle~ e =
t tsre9 ~nars work in the form Oh a
s s.;, was enjoyed, Helen Shetfl tso
arlsl S wa DuPree winning tnt
n nri1e dainty handkerchiets TOT Am NY,
p p,;ss;ng question. Corne,la Nv N.Y.
m ms, ,rer the prize offered by MRS,
wv wise %e for the best attend attend tTe
and general work thro , haauti-
anu and was awarded oe'u''
s s,7i little silver mesh bag ,,o,,ng
iu1 1.a sts in the afternoon the y0 sirs
4I vara invited into the jim"
g g. g room, where a pink , G0 "ut
ing was effectively carried Out ra.
s s.: EN- table able DECORATIONS and RE re-
freshments. The center Nth lace
table al which was covered WIN ----