davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-11-22
Questions for the Lucy Stone League
About the Problems Of Home Salaries

Certainly" returns Kate. The
time is coming when husband and wife
will have their own salaries and"
How soon is that time coming with
you?" l cuts in.
I'm earning my salary right now"
snaps the misses. Keeping house for
YOU ought to be worth fifty thousand
a year, anyways
"I suppose" I remarks, that when
the Lucy Stoners get going strong
guyll propose to a. gal and she'll ask
what salary he's willing to pay. If
he says IS 900 a year she'll come back
with a crack that some other bimbo's
willing to punish the bankroll for
$500"
Whats wrong about that" asks
Kate.
Nothing" says l. I'm for II
strong. Here you are around 40 and
you think you're worth $4,000 a year.
Why shouldn't / give you the air
and get me another wife "a young
chick that's willing to work for $4,000
a year,"
You're silly" argues the misses.
why" I wants to know. You
want to put the home on a business
basis, don't you?"
Yes" she admits, Out
There are no butts about it," con
tinues. Every business concern in
the world gets rid Of old men to put
young blood on the pay roll. Why
shouldn't the same thing be done in
the marriage business?''
II suppose sneers the misses,
you'd have a woman sacrifice her
youth for you and then you'd throw
her out?"
I'D give her a pension like the cor
poratfons do" says l, and pay the
,, real dough to a flashy young f1lly.
Where does the sentiment come in
with this Lucy Stone layout If
woman amt got sentiment enough to
stand for such trifling thing as TAX
! ing the name of the man who's dress
ing and feeding her. what kick is she
| got coming If the provider gives her
the snow and ice? The trouble with
| you frills Is you want to be independ-
ent. but you want some fish of a man
to pay for the upkeep. I imagine
when you change your name back to
McGillicuddy I'll have to pay the ex-
! penses of having your DUNE mono
| grammed all over again"
Good heavens" gasps Kate. II
| never thought Of that"
tCopyrieht. 1881
Evening star., 1925-11-22
Meanest Man and Nearest Competitor
Both Discovered by This Investigator

wedding which is to take place in the
afternoon. Can I wear a pair of tan
shoes? Truly yours,
n. GAGGED.
Answer: You can If you so desire
but If you haven't any more. clothes
than that, don't go to the wedding
at all.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I would like to get
a job cleaning out banks. Can you
advise me how to go about 1t?
Sincerely.
C. KING WORK.
Answer: First you must write and
tell me just what you want to be in
the bank, to clean 1t out-president.
cashier, bookkeeper or janitor.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: ] am sure I met
Evening star., 1925-11-22
A "Brass Brain"

THE brass BRAIN device that
can predict what the tides will
be In any seaport in the world at any
time-for tomorrow or 100 years from
tomorrow-is In constant use in the
laboratory of the Coast and Geo.
detic Survey, says Popular Science
Monthly.
The machine is said to do the work
of so mathematicians, and actual
check on the predictions proves it to
be nearly 100 per cent accurate. At
present the brass brain" is being
used to predict the tides at IS ports
all over the world. As a result of
those predictions the department IL
able to tell two years in advance what
Evening star., 1925-11-22

in this house as you have, that
Hand me my pipe. 1 want to smoke
here among the new curtains"
You Just dare"' snaps the misses.
What an equal I turned out to be, =
I sneers "I thought you admitted
that l had the same rights as you had.
Mrs. McGillicuddy. Do them Lucy
Stoners still keep the misses?"
No" returns Kate. They just call
themselves Jane Brown and Ruth
Smith, without any miss or misses to
it. OF course, there might be little
trouble before the Lucy Stone idea
spreads over the country, but we
women are going to be independent
Of our husbands no matter how much
trouble 1t takes"
Independent of our bank rolls,
too?" I wants to know.
Evening star., 1925-11-22

President Fillmore. and also the en-
tire administration of President
Gloppo, who succeeded President
Polk.
President Hotchkiss was known as
the "Jocular President" His familiars
In fact. used TO call him Joe Hotch-
kiss. 1t was his perverted sense of
humor that made him forget" one
year to issue the proclamation with
out which the Thanksgiving holiday
was not legal. The housewives never
forgot this on him because they had
all ordered their turkey and kept wait
ing and waiting for the proclama-
tion so they would feel free to stick
the bird in the oven, but of course
the proclamation was not forthcom-
ing and when raw turkey has been
Evening star., 1925-11-22

Well, for the next three wkS, |
went on along the same lines. II
was certainly wonderful what / could
get, using cheques instead of money.
1t seemed like l was getting three
times as much as before. But L am
nothing II not sensible & economical
so just the day before Thanksgiving
/ felt maybe I had better ease off
little on the spending, although /
hadn't drew more then 20 cheques.
Naturally I had to have a new dress
for this big home time dinner we was
giving on the day the Turkey angels
are made. so in the morning l went
down to the Emporium and picked up
the dearest model for a mere song.
The clerk made me write the words
and music In my cheque book, but the
whole thing, including sodets and
few extra buttons only come to the
tune of $3.50. and I had the comfort
Of knowing that. no matter what the
relatives said about my cooking. II
they picked on my dress il would be
nothing but envy.
Right around the corner from the
dress dept. At the Emporium they
have got a hat dept. planted right
where any lady trying to make a
economical exit is liable to lose her
balance. il any. and fall for something
in the way of overhead. And as I
tripped through it. | pretty near fell
for a hat which might just of been
made to go with the dress ] had
bought. This feminine kelly was only
sixteen ninety-eight. marked down
and capturea BILE, from seventeen dol
lars. but was firm. says
to myself now Jennie Jules, l says.
remember 1t Is still - long ways TO
the first of the month. leave ii lay.
And | done just that and heat it for
the market
HOT BOZO. when ] got there. may
be | wasn't glad I had saved all
that money by not buying the hat.
Also, / wished / had saved little
strength on account not over 80 per
cent of the total population of the
country had left buying their turkey
until the last minute and in the crowd
at the bird counter there was certainly
some fewl plays going on. Busy? l
never seen such a mob, They was
ready TO give their cash to anybody
who would take it, provided that per
son would leave them get out of the
market with turk. 1t was a clear
case of self-help. and there ought to
of been signs put up to the effect
Watch your turnips & cranberries,
the management is not responsible
for heads of lettuce unless checked
by the cashier and not always then"
There was no hope for me to get
at the turkey-coop when l first got
in, so l commenced piling up veg
etables and groceries for myself to
save ] and the clerk both trouble.
go 2 lbs. butter, a flock of car
rots, cans tomatoes, raisins, nuts,
head of cabbage. and left them all
in heap while I dived through the
maddening throng in order to stalk
a little celery.
BY the time | got back to my park
Evening star., 1925-11-22
RY SAM HELIMAN.
,/IM thinking some Of joining
the Lucy Stone League" re-
r,orke tho wife

NJ lnlnklnS SOlnt VI
- the Lucy Stone League re
marks the wife.
whats that?" | inquiries.
"A society to buy shoes for
barefoot eels?'
The Lucy Stone League" explains
the frau. is made up of women that
keep their maiden Names y
You mean" says J, "a lot of shelf
warmers that ain't been able to
throw meal ticket for a loss?
NO. l don't" snaps the misses
"rhe Lucy Stoners are all married,
but they keep their maiden names
just the same
What for?" I wants to know.
For the very snappy reason re
turns Kate, that they amt no rea
son why a girl should lose her
identity because she gets married.
Why should / have TO be known
rs Mrs. Twin Higgins
That" i returns. ''is something
began wondering about ever since
he honeymoon, but I don't sec
where you'd been any better off
Juggling that monicker I took in trade.
Kate McCiillicuddy ain't no name to
perjure with.
The McGillicuddys. shoots out
he wife. we're
Yes. YES" cuts in. They were
kings of Ireland back in those days
when Ireland didn't have any kings.
nut they amt been nothing but deuce
spots in this country.
What did the Iigeinses ever do?'
demands the wife.
For one thing" | replies. they
"a wed e. McGillicuddy from having to
totter through life with that kind
of handle. For another. a Higgins
signs the checks every first of the
month that permits a McGillicuddy to
eat regular. and eating regular amt
a fad OF the McGillcuddy tribe. What
other Higginses has done I don't
care. I'm starting "A line of ancestors
myself"
What a marked d-down line that's
gonna be-" shifts Kate.
Il guess. at that says |. 1t II take
A. few generations to wipe the McGil-
lcuddy strain out of The blood,
but"
Leaving the Higginses for mo.
mont" interrupts the misses. and
getting the subject hack to decency.
do Won think that woman who has
u1t = i reputation fcr herself under
Evening star., 1925-11-22
TUCK HIS HEAD OUT THE OTHER WINDOW WATCH HIS SIDE

ing space. bigger. stronger lady
then me WAS walking off with my
stuff. SO the best ! could do was
grab off a few beets. cauliflowers, eggs
and Swiss cheese that another lady
had assembled and fight my way to
the poultry fancier. who was getting
less fancy by the minute. and who
promptly broke the news to me that
they had no time TO XIII me turkey,
/ would haf TO buy it on the hoof.
But, | says to him. | don't know how
10 kill a turkey! Set up tonight and
talk him TO death, says the butcher,
the brute. But even so, | says. I
wouldn't know how TO dress him. Why
not all in white? says the feller. And
that was all the satisfaction ! could
get out of him except l did persuade
him TO rope and tie a IA FOUNDER.
and then I was all set TO make out
a Cheque for my bill. pack the car
with the stuff and head for home.
! had bought such a bunch Of eats
that they took up the whole entire
back seat. so the turkey had to set
up in the front seat with me. And
maybe that was just as well on ac-
count about then il commenced to
STOW and / couldn't see thing
through the windshield. and so | stuck
my head out of one window to watch
the road. and the turk stuck his head
out the other window, to watch his
side. although what life meant to him
at that date is more than can
imagine.
Well. finally we got back home. 7
thoroughly wore out. and the bird
practically nervous wreck And OF
all things who would be there before
me only George. in perfectly awful
temper
Lookit here, he shouted the very
minute / come inside the house. Look
it here. he says waving a notice Of
some kind at me. do you know what
this isn / am not a mind reader I
says. calm down and give me the
specifications. Well, says he. it's a no.
tice from the bank. you're over
drawn-only three weeks since T
you're overdrawn. Nonsense. l says.
I've got two checks left. But you
amt got the money TO cash 'em with.
Geo. yelled, and / suppose you have
been buying more stuff this after
noon?
Why yes ] have. | says. and do you
mean to tell me my cheques was no
good? Why. | wrote 'em out person
ally myself, I says. | not only mean
to tell you. l am trying to, says Geo.
Why, for the luvva tripe, woman, he
says. don't you know you can be sent
| to Jail for giving bad cheque? No! l
says. scared lavender. Yes, says Geo.
you certainly can! Hot Bozo! I says,
do you suppose they can arrest people
on Thanksgiving, and me with all
that cooking to do? I dunno, says
George, gloomy, but I guess maybe!
And that was all the comfort l could
get out of him.
n
WELL. the next day wasn't very
W busy one for me. Here ] hadda
slave like one of these old Roman
Evening star., 1925-11-22

her maiden name ought to take her
husbands just because she's mar.
riedo"
We'll, says 7. Il don't see where
it's hurt Mrs. Fiske or Mrs. Pat Camp
bell any. I admits that 1t might be a
flop in some cases, but those are ex-
ceptions. Why should the average
skillet wrestler want to keep her
maiden name for-you for example?"
Because" answers Kate, they
amt no more reason why should take
your name than you should take mine.
We're equals, aren't we?"
"Will you put that In writlng?" I
demands. excitedly.
"Why?" asks the frau.
do you realize" I goes on what
YOU have Just said-that I'm as good
as you are, that I have as many rights
Evening star., 1925-11-22

dred thousand men he can speed
things up even better But never
mind. with men enough and gunpow
der enough. they can pacifv the whole
map of Africa.
1t also appears. or at least il is
rumored. that the Bolsheviki may
make q drive on British India: either
that. or perhaps they will combine
with the laps and take drive al
China. Moreover, the Little Rus
slams. aboutstwo hundred thousand Of
the wee fellows, are said TO he think
ing Of a drive against the Let's or
the Laps. But let them drive. They've
got the driving habit and can't get
over 1t. All that they need is that
Evening star., 1925-11-22

the meanest man in the world. This
man, as soon as the cold weather
comes around, goes down to the rail
road tracks and calls out all sorts of
vile names at the engineers as they
pass in their engines. 1t seems the
engineers get angry, but they can't
stop their engines, so they throw
pieces Of coal at him, trying, of course.
to hit him. That's just what this man
wants. He has a bag with him and
as the engineers throw the coal at him
he picks ii up and takes 1t home for
his furnace. Did you ever hear of
any one meaner than that?
Truly yours.
l. GOSSIP.
Answer: That's pretty stingy, but
I knew a man once who was so stingy
it is unbelievable He wanted to COM
Evening star., 1925-11-22
BY ED WYNN.

~ EAR Mr.. Wynn: Ny son, who
is in Bridgeport, Conn, has
gotten into some sort of trou-
~ BILE and has been arrested.
1 have been advised to get a
criminal lawyer for him. Are there
any criminal lawyers in Bridgeport?
Yours truly,
e. LIzABETH.
Answer: There probably are sew
eral. but you'll have hard time prov
ing it.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: l just visited the
City of Washington and went to all
the Government buildings. l was par
ticularly interested In the Senate
chamber. I saw a minister sitting
next to the Vice President of the
limited States. Tell me why is the
minister there-does he pray for the
Senators?
Sincerely,
A. SITESEER.
Answer: No. No. No! The minis
ter does not pray for the Senators.
The minister takes a look at the Sena.
tors, then prays.
Dear Mr. Wynn: Why do so many
people buy their milk from a milk
man? Why don't they get 1t direct
from the cow? A COW gives pure milk.
Truly yours.
Answer: 1t is true that a COW gives
pure milk. but the difference between
a cow and a milkman Is that cow
doesn't give credit.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: / am invited to a
Evening star., 1925-11-22

some one should start UP golf where
they live and they'd he all right
There's A little wee bit of trouble
here and there in other places. too
The Hindoos all over India are said
TO be in a state Of effervescence
Never mind. Let them seethe.
They say. too. that there may he a
monarchical revolution at any mo-
ment in Germany. and there's talk
among the Arabs of q Jehad or sacred
war against the Christians, and the
native Christians in Arabia are plot
ting against the French
Still. all said and done, this is peace.
And If any one breaks il we can
always write and tell the League of
Nations
Evening star., 1925-11-22

NIT suicide and he went next door to
use his neighbor's gas.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: know that
leather makes good shoes. but do
banana skins make good slippers?
Sincerely,
r. HEEL
Answer next week
THE PERFECT FOOL.
fCopvr7rht. 1os5D
Evening star., 1925-11-22

the high-water mark will be AT $500
other ports.
The idea was conceived by r. A
Harris, chief mathematician of the
department, and the plans and con-
struction were under the direction of
E. G. Fischer. NJ. f. 1t took Is years
to perfect, and its name is derived
from the fact that practically all of its
Is, 900 parts have been made of bra S.
Even the extra day in leap year is
given consideration by the wonder
full brass BRAIN
Fall Fashion Hint-Little change in
mems pockets this wear.
Evening star., 1925-11-22
Prisoners Enjoy Thanksgiving
Meal:

Inmates Of the county jail feast
bountifully on turkey and pie fur
nished free by the State. Ma
tional holiday one Of rest and en-
joyment for the convicts."
Well. when that registered, awful
funny feeling come over me. SO that
was life in jail. And before l hardly
knew what I was doing, l reached for
my check book and wrote out bad
check to the Emporium for the hat l
had passed by.
(Conyrivht 1Q25)
Evening star., 1925-11-22

orgies. or whatever they called them
slaves that rowed them big old ancient
boats. and all the time ] was expecting
the cops any minute, and each time
the front doorbell rung. why l pretty
near had heart failure. But no. it was
never the cops. much worse. IT WAS
relative, coming TO dinner.
Well. any lady with family knows
what them dinners are. l was up
that morning by s. tearing bread TO
pieces and jamming II together again
in the part OF the turkey from which
the machinery had been removed.
Also ! was not mincing matters with
the mincemeat. and ! was knocking
the pumpkin pie-eyed. The cranberries
was never the same again after / got
through with them, and the ham
which was about to renew old barn
yard acquaintances with the turkey.
had to be thoroughly manicured. Then
| give the celery a boyish bob, made
up a few biscuits for their part pol
ished the silverware. oiled the dining
room table, washed out few OF the
best napkins. and then. after | had
swept out the dining room. shined the
windows. made sure there was nothing
in the living room for Georges mother
to find dust on, or in Juniors room for
my Ma TO crab about, why all / had to
do was set the table. cook the rest of
the food. ice the cider, instruct the
hired waitress, clean up Junior. brush
off George. change into my new blue
crepe de snake dress, and try to f'nd
a welcoming smile some place around
the house to put on At the last minute.
And all this time | had a horrid fear
of the phone ringing and a ominous
voice passing some remark TO the
effect. this is the chief Of police speak
ing.
Well. everybody come to the meal
as per schedule. because they thought
oh well I suppose 1t is my duty TO go.
after all this only happens onct a
year, and etc. And after they had
acquired sufficient background for the
pepssn mfgrs. to get their percentage,
why they set around until II was
decent to go, which they done in a
body. leaving me with the total wreck
of a meal. n stack Of dishes higher
then the Woolworth Building. and a
pair Of dogs which felt several sizes
too large for their shoes.
Absolutely I hadder sit down for a
minute and rest, police or no police.
dishes or no dishes. And when I done
so. l picked up the evening paper and
this is the first piece I read
Evening star., 1925-11-22

w YITH the approach Of Thanks
giving day throughout the
wv u. s. A, the thoughts of
all thoughtful persons, such
as the readers Of this inIlr.
Evening star., 1925-11-22

WELL. the next day wasn't very
W busy one for me. Here ] hadda
slave like one OF these old Roman
Evening star., 1925-11-22

Dear Mr.. Wynn: I am invited to
Evening star., 1925-11-22

A the late Sultan of Turkeys
~ once said in exclusive inter
~ view to the Associated Press,
4 "A The popular idea about Tur
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-02-15
CLUB SETS DANCE DATE.

Curley Society to Hold Annual
Event on February FL.
The Curley Club OF the District
of Columbia will hold a dance Febru-
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-02-15
BRITISH ENVOY HONORS
u. S. COAST GUARD HERO

Special Dispa tch TO The star
BALTIMORE, Md, February IL
IWenty-three years ago during a
storm off the coast of Vancouver.
b. C., when the British battleship
Condor was wrecked, Capt Dorr
Francis Tozier of the United States
Coast Guard, labored to save the
crew. On the shore he recovered a
lifeboat which had been seized by
an Indian chief. To get it he gave
the chief sword and $50
Today Sir Esme Howard. British
Ambassador, came from WASHINGTON
to the Marine Hospital here and
presented to Tozier, now 81 years
old and retired commander, a
beautifully engraved gold sword in
return for the one he gave the
Indian chief.
Sir Esme made a short speech, dur
ling which he said He was highly
IGNORED to present the gift in return
for valuable services rendered the
British government" After Comdr
Tozier thanked him the Ambassador
was taken on tour of inspection of
| the hospital The ceremony took
place in the office of the hospital,
Maj d. J. Prather and 'Lieut ]. c..
TraveEs, Tozier's personal physician,
received the Ambassador.
Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1925-02-15
COLLEGE OF LAW ASKS
100000 ENDOWMENT
Trustees to Pass on Report of Com
mittee Which Planned to
Organize Drive.

| Judge Peelle, president of the board
! of trustees of the Washington College
of Law, has called meeting this
week to act upon the report of the
committee to organize a drive to
| raise the endowment fund of $780,
600, which is being planned by the
college. Faculty and alumni are
supporting the movement. Ellen
Spencer MuSsey is chairman of the
committee. Other members are
Emma NJ. Gillett, dean emeritus: Mrs
Laura III. Halsey, present dean; Ed
win c. Dutton and Rebekah Great
house, executive secretary of the
college.
The Washington College of Law
has always had woman dean, al
thought the faculty is composed of
| both men and women. The National
Woman Lawyers Association, with
headquarters in New York City, is
behind this drive for an endowment
fund.
Mrs. Halsey announces that the
Belva Lockwood scholarship has been
awarded to Sara l.. Anderson.
Students of the international law
course took their final exami IA lions
Wednesday, Examinations were con-
Quoted by Francis Colt de Wolf of the
State Department, assisted by Philip
Jessup of the same department.
Four of the seven women who
were admitted to the bar last week
received their training at the college
OF the group, Elizabeth Hyde of
Iowa has not yet completed her third
year, but expects to be graduated in
June. The others are Susie Keel of
North Carolina, Matte Tompkins of
L -
the District of Columbia. Mrs. Will
son was for five years during the
war chief of the enemy trade divi-
sion in the Federal Trade Commits
sion, which had to do with the licens-
ing of German patents. She is now
actively engaged as an attorney and
examiner on the legal staff of the
commission.
Among the man graduates who
have just been. admitted to practice
are Attilio de Giralimo, Marcus l..
Johnson, Robert /. Miller and Theo-
dore Giangrande of the class of 1924
There are now % members of that
class who have been admitted to bar
membership of the Sc who took the
examination.
Prof. William II. Collins will give
a series of five lectures to the senior
class on Extraordinary Legal Rem
edies," beginning February "a.
Rufus Mundy was acquitted of
murder" in the Moot Court of the
college Wednesday afternoon. His
counsel was Julia NJ Bland. Earl
Ruth was prosecuting attorney. +.
Vincent Harper obtained verdict
Of $500 for his client against the
Rapid Fire Gun Co., represented by
Charles W. Peckham.
Mrs. c. D. Wright of the class of
1917 will give a bridge of 10 tables
Saturday afternoon at 2:30 o'clock
for the benefit of the endowme nt
fund of the college. Tables have
been taken by Mrs. c. r. Jones, Mrs.
Edmund Jones, Mrs. N &. Gillett,
Mrs. Christina Getsinger, Mrs. David
Snyder, Mrs. Arthur Gilbert, Miss n.
A. Parkinson, Mrs. Arthur Beach,
Mrs Warren MacLaine, Mrs. Ken
more McManes.