Eagle River review. [volume] (Eagle River, Wis.) 1890-1927, 1925-11-05

There is a soothing satisfaction, a
lubricating sense of superiority, in
feeling, even as your $4,25O sedan lies
wrapt around telegraph pole and
your family in various stages of un-
consciousness in the adjacent rasp-
berry patch, that you are still a gen
sleman"
In these bland terms does a pro
fessional humorist direct our atten-
ton to the need of manual of cor
rect behavior for automobiles, their
families and their guests. He remarks
that a motorist should be known "by
the invectives he keeps, not by the
ones he distributes" and he proposes
"a serious campaign to inculcate into
the hearts and minds of the motorists
a respect for the niceties of social in
tercourse, regard for the feelings
Of others, and an instructive tendency
to show courtesy and graciousness
both in the ditch and out of it." To
which the writer here quoted-H.
Phillips adds sententiously, in Col
hers The National Weekly, "A kind
word in the ditch, as the philosopher
has so aptly said, is worth two on the
paved road" Continuing in the same
airy vein, Mr. Phillips Announces:
With the object of assisting the
automobile owner to do the right
thing at the right time and in the
hope of making life on the various
turnpikes more liyable, the following
Guide to behavior in Vehicles Operat-
ed by Internal Combustion Engines is
placed before the motoring public:
1. Planning the Auto Trip. If the
owner of the car is married and living
at home, this is a matter that should
be DISGUST with the wife and kiddies.
The owner should not arrange a trip
arbitrarily, even if only looking for
an argument or a chance to use the
car to take bunch of the boys on
fishing trip. The better course is for
the husband to say We'll, Agatha, a
run over the Ojibway Trail would be
nice for tomorrow, no?" and then al
low ten minutes for the negative side.
Ii no member of the family is even
lukewarm for the Ojibway Trail, it is
advisable to shift to new territory,
but If the suggestion meets with a
yes and no attitude, custom counter,
ances further argument in it's favor,
with ten minutes for rebuttal by the
wife and five minutes by the children.
2 What to Take, This depends en-,
tirely upon the purpose and duration
OF the journey. II it is only for day
no provisions are necessary other
than buttered popcorn for the baby
and few apples and cigars for the
grown-ups.
Plenty of places will be, found along
the road for such other calories as
are needed. No trip should be made
for any distance, however small, with
out the following objects:
l tire jack with handle missing.
/ tire pump, out of order.
well-rusted Stillson wrench.
l bent screw driver.
registration card and license.
or addresses of professional
bondsmen.
book of tours (year 1910.
silk handkerchief for removing
specks from wife's eye.
/ bottle spirits of ammonia in case
of fainting spells
/ crank handle fitting another type
of car.
banner with inscription Excuse
my Dust"
l picture of bathing girl to be stuck
on windshield.
3 Etiquette of the Battling Cross
roads.
More homes were broken up during
the years 1921 to 1924 inclusive by
arguments at unposted crossroads
Ih1A Wy any OIHCI OnC CciuSGs dCCOIu-
ing to statistics issued by the Bureau
of Mines at Washington I'd. c.
When the members of family
automobile party find themselves at
an intersection of roads and with no,
positive convictions which is the right
one to take, there should fly to the
mind of each some such thought as:
"Ah, this is to be trying situation
1t has the markings of fine row.
will keep my trap shut"
The usual form is for the wife to
say, "You turn off. to the left here
I'm sure of it," merely because there
is bridge on it, and she has been
told by fortune-teller she would
cross body of water.
The husband usually replies: 81
don't think so. We should go straight
ahead"
The wife should answer: THAT
other car went to the left, proving
conclusively that that must be the
way to CO."
After a few more remarks pro and
u