davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Evening star., 1925-12-06
Selecting the Right Pose and Other Problems of the Seaso
Simple Expedients for Growing Work
With Success Despite All Difficulties

name Is Tomlinson, have his creden-
| tials here--a first.class man. I've
wired him to come right along, at
our expense, and We'll keep the job
open for 10 days"
There's a young man outside"
said the junior, who wants to apply
for the Job"
Outsider" exclaimed the manager.
How did he get here?"
Game in on the mule train this
morning; says he can do the work and
wants the job"
What's he like?" asked the man
ager.
The junior shook his head. Pretty
usty-looking customer" he said;
shifty-looking.
Same old story" murmured the
manager. Its odd how these fellows
drift down here, isn't It? Up to some
thing crooked at home, I suppose.
Understands the working Of bank.
eh? I guess he understa nds 1t a little
too well for my taste.
mo, no." he continued, tapping
the papers that lay on the table. now
that we've got first-class man like
Tomlinson, let's hang on to him. We
can easily wait 10 days. and the cost
of the journey is nothing to the bank
as compared with getting a man of
Tomltnson's stamp. And, by the way.
you might telephone to the chief OF
police and get him to see to 1t that
this loafer gets out Of town straight
off,
So the chief Of police shut up
Tomlinson in the calaboose and then
sent him down to Mexico City under
| guard. BY the time the police were
done with him he was dead broke. and
| II took him four months to get back to
Toronto in order to accept the Job in
Tuscapulco by letter and by that time
| the place had been filled long ago.
AS recipe for success. everybody
| feels an instructive interest In know
ing how our great captains of indus
try. our f1nanciers and railroad mag
mates made their money.
Here the explanation, as I gather
IT, is really very simple one. There
is, in fact, only one way to amass "a
huge fortune in business or railway
management. One must begin to
mount the ladder from the lowest
rung. This lowest rung is everything
Any man who can stand upon it with
his foot well poised, will inevitably
| mount to the top.
| But after all-why bother with sue
cess anyhow? l have observed that
| successful people get very little real
enjoyment out of life. In fact, IL I
had to choose-with an eye to having
a really pleasant iife-between sue
cess and ruin, 1 should prefer ruin
every time
have several friends who are COM
pletely Tuined-some two or three
times-in large way of course; and
l find that II / want to get a really
good dinner, where the champagne is
just as'it ought to be. and where hos
pitaiity is unhindered by mean
thoughts of expense. I can get it best
at the house of a ruined man.
Copyright, 1e25j
Evening star., 1925-12-06
Family Debates on Christmas Presents
Just the Same Thing Year After Year

Why don't you talk that speech
into phonograph," remarks the
! misses, "and turn the record on each
year about this time. It's the Same
every Winter"
Maybe" growls. but I mean it
TINS time, Somebody's got to put the
brakes on this Christmas giving stunt
and 1t might as well be me-"
oh, all right" says the frau. 'if
you insist, We won't give nobody any
thing this year. Your folks'll have a
We got to send my Uncle Bill some
thing" ! cuts In. Hes been pretty
nice TO us. and besides he's got lot
OF dough and hardening Of the ar
teries."
No" says Kate, 'ff We send him a
present we'll have to remember the
rest, too. Uncle Bills out
That's the trouble with you WON.
en-" says l. You always go to ex-
tremes. Just because / don't want to
60 wild on presents you want to cut
them out altogether"
The way to stop giving is to stop"
insists the wife. I'm not even going
to send out cards this year"
Forget 1t, yelps. We don't want
to be a lot of cheap skates. l don't
object to spending few hundred dol.
lars and
But / do" interrupts the misses.
You've got me convinced that Christ.
mas giving is silly"
Who said 1t was siily?" demands.
You did" comes back Kate, and
you're right. Not a cent will we
| spend"
We'll" says I. you can cut out
your folks, but I'm going to look after
| mine. They expect something from
me on Christmas and they're going TO
get 1t. You can't pass up your folks,
either. You talk as IL a thousand dol
| lars was going to break US AS a
matter of fact, I'm going to spend
| more than that on present for YOU"
When" inquiries the wife, with a
smile, did engraved mixes and rimless
zeros get to be SO eXpensive?"
Maybe they're not" says I, but
| mink coats come high"
Mink coats?" gasps Kate. 81
| thought YOU didn't want to spend
| much money this Christmasw
Whats the difference" says I. IT'S
| only once a year. Gosh. you're getting
to be tightwad. Giving presents is
the most fun there is about Christ.
| mas. Don't you agree with me?"
No" SAYS Kate. "If I did YOU'D
find something wrong with the no
ton"
(copyrieht. le25)
Evening star., 1925-12-06
BY RING LARDNER.
.O the editor: Judging by le

~ o the editor: Judging by letters
reed. in the last few wks.
pretty near every man. wom-
i an and child in the U. S. must
of read that item that come
out in the papers in regards to the
undersigned getting pinched for speed
ing in Chicago one time and fined
$50. 90 dollars for same and how l run
out on the fine and now they have got
a capias vs. me and the minute I sit
it. on the soil of what 1 use to fondiy
call my home town I will be sur
rounded by pussy Of great big whop-
ping policemenS and assigned to q
room without bath in certain Clark
st. hotel where they have got clerk
named Sergeant.
According to the item this here fine
was assessed on the II of June, 1919,
and the record of same has just been
dug up by record inspector named
Mr.. Clyde Dyckman who seems to Of
lose his temper over a little boost I
wrote for the Hotel Sherman which
I said in it that l always tried to get
a room where 1 could look acrost Ran
dolph st. at the county bldg. and see
how the other half lived without work
ing.
With the kind induigents of my ad-
mires l will waste this space today
in copying down a letter which l am
as the madam remembers to bring
home a stamp, and / am in the hopes
YOU won't get bored by a recital OF
some of my ancient history which 1
been led to believe you are all inter-
ested in same or you would not of so
thoughtfuily wrote and kidded me
about this here blemish on my past.
Dear Mr.. Dyckman: Well Mr..
Dyckman l and you has never met as
YOU was probably too busy, but we
have got a street here in New York
called Dyckman st. which may OF
been named after you in spirit OF
levity. Dyckman ST. is way up in the
2 hundreds and You can get board
though I don't know no reason why
YOU should.
Now listen Mr.. Dyckman / know
YOU must be rushed to death what
with spending hours and hours delv-
ing into yr. old records and one
thing another, but If you do happen
to get through little early some day
/ wished you would take run down
to Toledo, O., and theys good
train for there leaving Chi at 5:25
PM. if they amt changed it between
now and 1919 and you might maybe
meet some South Bend or Goshen
people on that train and just men,
ton my name and they whl tell you
who I married and when so you won't
half to look that up and who use
to go with prior to my nuptials, but
any way when you get to Toledo
climb into a barouche and have your
self drove to the Hotel Secor and ask
the clerk with the funny mustache to
show you the register for June, 1919.
YOU viii find me stopping there ON
Evening star., 1925-12-06

goes on, land send them the amount
OF money we were going to spend on
them. Then We'll suggest they send
the money back to US for a Christmas
present. In that way everybodyll be
remembered and 1t won't cost a cent"
Amt you got sentiment, thought"
says the wife.
Where does sentiment come into
Christmas giving?" / comes back rs
there any more sentiment in slipping
Jane IS dish and her slipping you
back IS what 's-itfor than there is
In Just trading the dough? Exchang-
Ing cash is got just as much senti-
ment and whole lot more sense. I'll
bet you changed 90 per cent Of the
stuff you got last year. There must
have been lot of sentiment attached
to these gifts. Besides that. giving
presents makes a liar out of you"
"How?" inquiries the frau.
Last year." I returns, you got
salad forks from FIVE different people.
Evening star., 1925-12-06
BY STEPHEN LEAcOCK.
EFT me begin with a sort Of par
able. Many years ago when I
was on the stan of great pub

|Y EFT me begin with sort Of par.
able. Many years ago when
was on the staf1 Of q great pub
H. lie school we engaged a new
swimming master. He was
the most successful man in that ca
pacity that we had had for years.
Then one day 1t was discovered that
he couldn't swim.
He was standing at the edge of tho
swimming tank explaining the breast
stroke to the boys in the water. He
lost his balance and fell In. He was
drowned. Or no-he want drowned
I remenber-he was rescued by
some Of the pupils whom he had
taught to swim.
After he was resuscitated by the
boys-it was one OF the things he had
taught them---the school dismissed
him. Then some of the boys who were
sorry for him taught him how to
swim. and he got a new Job as
swimming master in another place.
But this time he was an utter fail
ure. He swan we'll. but they said he
couldn't teach.
So his friends looked about to get
him a new Job. This was just at the
time when the bicycle craze came In.
They soon found the man a position
as an instructor in bicycle riding. AS
he had never been on a bicycle In his
life, he made An admirable teacher.
He stood fast on the ground and said.
Now then. all you need Is conf
dence."
Then one day he got afraid that no
might be found out. So he went out
to quiet place and got on a bicycle.
at the top Of q slope. to learn to ride
IT.. The bicycle ran away with him.
But for the skill and daring of one of
his pupils. who saw him and rode
, after him. he would have been killed.
This story. as the reader secs. is
! endless. Suffice II to say that the
| man I speak Of is now in an aviation
school teaching people to fly. They
| say he Is one Of the best aviaters that
| ever walked.
According to all the legends and
story books. the principal factor In
| success Is perseverance. Personally,
| I think there is nothing in it-if any
| There Is an old motto that runs. III
at first you don't succeed. try. try
again." This Is nonsense. 1t ought to
read-"If at hrst you don't succeed.
| quit. quit, at once"
| II you can't do a thing, more or
less. the first time you try. you will
never do It. Try something else while
| there Is yet time.
Let me illustrate:
| I remember, long years ago. at a
little school that I attended In the
| country. we had a schoolma ster who
used perpetually to write on the black
board, In a copperplate hand, the
motto that have Just quoted:
| III at first you don't succeed.
| Try, try again"
He wore plain clothes and had a
hard, determined face. He was study.
| ing for some sort of preliminary
medical examination. and was saving
Evening star., 1925-12-06

snap-as-snap-can pose In front of the
old hydrangea bush. / certainly
locked good in that one. / was the
only member who come out at all
well, but it didn't make me feel any
too we'll to look at the print. 1t made
me kinda sick, in fact. My heavens.
| says to myself. was 1 ever as young
and good looking as that? / wonder
how l look now, will 1 keep on won
dering or go ahead and find out?
Then just to stall myself along
turned back the record of time, which
believe you me. was no jazz record.
and seen myself as l was when Ma
had carted me, q IT or so, to the
picture-butcher, and had me photoed
against a back drop showing the gull
lotine. or whatever they called it,
around my neck. But of course that
was a pre-war picture.
Well, anyways. after l had found
the affidavit of myself as q bride and
got the photographer license num-
ber off of it, l commenced to wonder
if he was really the man to commit
the new job? OF course l wanted to
know exactly how l looked, but at
the same time / thought maybe
had better go to one of them high
hat photographers who take real
fuZzygraphs and tell you about how
much it will come to, but who always
know just what they are about, and
so do you, really, when you go to
them of your own free will, in spite
of the fact that every onct in a while
YOU have seen their name signed to
a photo in some modern magazine,
which photo Is 999o lady and " of. 10
veil. The vaguer the photo, as a
rule, the vaguer the price, il you get
what mean
WELL. after thinking this over and
w over until the idea was positively
shopworn. l decided / would make an
appointment with the Artful Studios
So give them a ring on the phone,
put my own personal rings in hook in
case that might be necessary, put lit
tie surgeons plaster behind my ears
to sustain the expected pressure, and
put on my best evening gown and
manner. Then 1 called for a taxi. and
told the driver my secret.
1 got into said taxi wearing a hat
& coat. on account L figured where
it might be a good idea to get my
self taken both ways. ] didn't tell the
taxi man to wait. I also thought Of
being took with a rose folded to my
decollete. Then 1 figured on a pose
with a sanity expression, a smiling
one, downcast ditto, and a frank,
straightforward one. 1 thought it
would be good idea to have several
types of pictures, SOS could dis.
Evening star., 1925-12-06

of a minute and then and there I Of
fered to sell my bet to Geo. McManus
for $40 cash but Geo. was on the
wagon 50 afterwards I paid of the
$500 verbatim and ask you Mr.
Dyckman IL that sounds like the kind
of man who would run out on q
$4,000 fine.
well Mr.. Dyckman I went back to
Chi and stayed there till October and
wasn't no recluse that Summer
neither but mixed around just like
always and didn't even wear no wig
or mast or false whiskers or nothing
and Chicago was just as full of eagle
eye policemens then as now and when
I would see one Of them what did l
do. did walk around the block to get
out of their way? No Mr.. Dychman
/ went right close to them and some.
times positively nudged them and
never heard a wd. in regards to q
unpaid fne for speeding.
Further and more We wasn't living
In a tent that Summer but had home
and st. number and a telephone with
Evening star., 1925-12-06

and I seen where you wrote each of
'em that it was just what you wanted,
and you traded 'em all in. When folks
send you money you can say truthful
1t was Just what you needed and you
wouldn't have to battle through
crowded stores the day after Christ
mas to turn it in for something else
What are you getting me for Christ
mas-a pair of curtains for your
room?
What would you like?" asks Kate.
More sentiment" 1 sneers. IF 1
give you the dough, you'll buy me
what l want. Suppose you give me
just what I'm going to give you"
The same being?" inquiries the
frau.
THE same being" 1 tells her, "a
handsomely engraved nix and q zero
with the rim removed. Not a thing
do you get out of me this year and
you're not going to get q dime to buy
me anything with, either"
Evening star., 1925-12-06
BY SAM HELLMAN.


<fIM going to shop early this
year." remarks the wife.
Meaning what?" inquiries
i The twenty third of the
month";"
Tomorrow" comes back the misses
And I ought to be all through in
week"
I'm a week." I yelp.. How much
you figuring on nicking the bankroll
for this year?"
About a thousand" answers Kate.
Where you going to get it?"
wants to know.
That" the frau reminds me,
would be prying into your affairs
and"
You spend a grand on Christmas
Junk" cuts In, and the sheriff will
be prying into my affairs Why don't
you Just get bunch of cards and
send EN- out with love and kisses ?"
You would suggest a cheap John
stunt like that" shifts the wife.
What" l snaps, "is Christmas sup
posed to be, anyway market day
where you trade presents around.
The whole darn gift things getting
TO be joke. It's more of a depart
ment store holiday nowadays than a
religious holiday"
hoi you thlhR lt6 nice to give
presents?" asks the misses.
I amt get no objections to the
idea.' ] tells her. but don't like the
execution. If guy only spent a
few dollars it'd be all right, but the
way they do things now it takes a
bimbo until Decoration day to pe.y
the December bills. and by that time
the wife's already talking about next
Christmas. Who yeu going to spend
that thousand on?"
Well" says Kate, 'in the first
place, got to buy something nice for
Aunt Martha. She save us that
beautiful vase last year"
What vase Is that?" asks.
THE one I traded for a table cover"
replies the frau. ut cost her $50"
SO you got to buy her something
that cost half century, huh" I
Il got to be as generous as she is.
don't II" demands Kate.
NO, you DON'T" barks. "AlI she
wants Is to be remembered, and you
can remsmbsr her with IS as we'll as
so. I got an idea"
What a lonesome life Il must be
leading, remarks the wife.
We'll take the list Of folks yeu
were going to send presents to.h
Evening star., 1925-12-06
BY ED WYNN.

Dear Mr.. Wynn: have always
heard that living In the country is
much healthier than living in the city.
II this is true. why is the air 10 much
purer in the country? Yours truly,
C.. p. SOIL,
Answer: Ths reason the air is SO
pure In the country 10 because the
farmers keep their windows closed.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I rsad some sta.
tistics compiled by the prohibition au.
thorities and they claim that whisky"
kills more people than bullets" Is
this true? Your truly.
JOHNNY WALKER.
Answer: Yes, but that is merely be.
cause people prefer to be full Of
whisky" than full of bullets"
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I have never trav-
e1ed before 20 am seeking some infor.
Evening star., 1925-12-06

Summer. l should like to plant an
other kind of flower that would make
a pretty border for my Saliva"
blooms. What do you suggest?
Sincerely,
ANN ASTOR.
Answer: Inasmuch as you have an
entire bed of Saliva" why not sur
round it with a border of "Spit-
toonias?"
Dear Mr.. Wynn: I have been Ill and
my doctor advises Chicken Ayers. !"
Do you think they are healthy?
Yours truly,
EIFELE ALLIN.
Answer: 1 never heard of a chicken
complaining of its liver.
Dear Mr.. Wynn: Last night. as I
Evening star., 1925-12-06

was walking home, man stopped me
and asked me If / had seen a police
man in the neighborhood. I told him
that I hadn't seen a policeman for
half an hour. "Thanks.' he said, then
robbed me of my money and Jewels.
Do you think that was nice Of him:
Sincerely,
0. G.. OGOSH.
Answer next week.
THE PERFECT FOOL.
Copyright, le25.)
Evening star., 1925-12-06

should come out there and brighten
their life but $4,000 is $4,000 not to
fare and berth both ways on
the 10th. Century Limited which l
call 1t the Century on acct. Of the
round trip coming so close to q $4,000
and which I always half to ride on
this $4,000, or rather 5000 and then
slap the $1,000 on top Of that which
you say owe some Judge that prob
Evening star., 1925-12-06

ably amt got no children at ell or one
or at the outside, and-wsll Clyde
those poor girls amt going to fsel
none too kindly disposed towards you
and you needn't never expect to open
UP ons Of them big windows Of yours
and So Randolph st. gummsd up by
9 paraAe OF maids and NATIONS shout
Ing thanks TOR Dyekman, he kept
Ring out Of Chi"
Evening star., 1925-12-06
Costly to Stop.

EVERY time an etsht-coach pas
senger train is slowed down 70 a
stop from 80 miles an hour It cost $
the railroad company 81 cents. To do
the same with 50-car freight train
costs $l.75, according to Prof. A. J.
Wood, head of the mechanical engi-
neering department at the Pennsyl.
vania State College.
Evening star., 1925-12-06
Uses for Insulin.

A LTHOUGH insuiln was at first in
tended only for the treatment OF
diabetes. 1t Is now used by some for
the treatment Of tuberculosis, acidosis
and hypsrthyroidisni. and good results
have been reported.
Evening star., 1925-12-06

//YM going to shop early this
- year." remarks the wife.
Meaning what?" inquiries
THE twenty third of the
Evening star., 1925-12-06
Georges Selection of Wife's Picture
For Christmas Gifts Fails to Please
BY NINA WILCOX PUTNAM.

HE late Admiral Dewey, the one
who was on time in Manila
Bay, once said while describ-
ing the battle, Il felt it a mere
Evening star., 1925-08-17
Pictures of Rifle Bullets and Sound
Waves of Shot Disprove Old Theories

which has roughly a duration of
millionth of second. With
new and speedier types of plates
it is thus possible to get a num-
ber of entirely separate pictures
Of each bullet, even though the pro-
jectile is speeding at the rate of 2,700
feet a second. The sound wave, the
disturbances in the air from the pas
sage of the bullet, and the gas blast
behind the bullet, are all recorded on
the plates.
One of the ordnance theories to fall
before the evidence of the photographs
is that the speed of a bullet from an
Army rifle increases for some dis
tance after its emergence from the
muZzle of the gun. The blast of the
explosive gases in the rear Of the bull
let was previously supposed to ac-
cOmplish this acceleration, but Mr..
Quayle's photographs show the pro-
jectile drawing swiftly away from the
gas within a few inches OF the muzzle.
Another photograph demonstrates
the futility of attempting to silence a
revolver by attaching various con-
traptions TO the muzzle." A sound
wave on firing was found to be prop
agating itself merrily from the juno
tion of the revolver cylinder and the
barrel, we'll back of the muZZle.
Evening star., 1925-08-17

BY use of electrically timed photo
graphic apparatus. the Bureau of
Standards has been enabled to take
a new series of photogra phs of rifle
bullets and time the release of gas
and sound waves from the weapons
used. The initial result of the opera
tions, described by Philip p. Quayle,
has been to throw new light on the
theory Of ballistics with which mill
tary experts have worked in develop
ing weapons.
Mr.. Quayle gets his photographs
by the light of an electric spark
Evening star., 1925-08-17
ARABS WOUND ITALIANS.
Officials Attacked While Suppress
ing Border Smuggling.

BENGASI Cyrenaica, August II
R).-Two Italian officials, Maj Rug
gero and Count Gallarati-Scotti, while
engaged in the movement of suppress
sing contraband along the frontier
between Egypt and Cyrenaica were
attacked by Arab rebels and gravely
wounded. The rebel caravan from
which the attacking force came was
captured and its members annihilated.
Evening star., 1925-08-17
Italian News Writer Dies.

ROME, August II CP).-Ettiorie
F'riedlander, for 40 years general
manager of the Stefani Agency, the
semi-official Italian news disseminator,
died yesterday. He retired from the
news agency about 10 years ago.
Evening star., 1925-08-17
WOMAN PRINTERS
ASK FOR SURVEY
Unfair Classification of En-
pIoyes Charged in ResoIu-
ton of Federal Union.

Woman employees Of the Bureau of
Engraving and Printing in formal
resolution, adopted yesterday at a
meeting of their Federal Employees
Union, No. 105, urged that a sur
vey" be made of the bureau by the
classification boarl. The resolution
also asked sick leave be made applica-
Bile to the bureau.
Allegations of unfairness are con-
tained in the resolution, signed by
Belle A. Trouland, Mae c. Bergevin.
Margaret Garry, Rose Brennan and
Gertrude M. McNally.
At the personnel classification board
II was said that no request had been
presented either from the director or
from employees, asking for a survey.
No Investigation Made.
Director Hall of the Bureau today
said he had not as yet had time to
go into the matters complained of in
the resolution yesterday, and had no
official statement to make.
The resolution set forth that classi-
f1cation as applied to woman employees
of the Bureau had resulted in the
grouping of the large majority of
them in grade l and the lower rate
in grade 2, and no increase had been
made above this rate since the orig
inal ALLEGATION.
1t was charged that forewomen
were paid a rate lower than foremen
and clerical employees were graded
lower than similar workers in other
departments. Chiefs of divisions, 1t
was said, have not been allocated to
the grade provided in the act, this
grade being entirely left out in the
so-called specifications as printed for
the District of Columbia by the per-
sonnel classification board